Howard said the guys told him it was canceled off the air and then they tell him something different on the air. Jason said they just said that there were no new shows for 2 years so he thinks it's canceled. He said he hates these Zoom meetings. He said everyone talks over each other. He said he can't imagine doing the Zoom cocktail parties.
Howard said he does the Zoom thing with his 3 kids but that's not bad. He said they can manage that. He said he has to do that with the kids. Robin said she did it with six people and everyone was cutting each other off. Howard said it's fatiguing.
Howard said everything is so fucked up with the quarantine. He said it seems like no one is actually doing it. He said he was talking to someone about how tough it is and then they said they went to a dinner party at someone's house. He said these are really intelligent people or he used to think that. He said then they have the President telling people to go out. He said he's all happy about this boating thing they were doing. He said Trump wants the economy to get back to normal. He said the way he's handling this thing is awful. He said he wants everyone back and he's saying that we only have 60,000 dead.
Robin said they want you to go out but that doesn't mean you won't die. She said they forget to mention that. Howard said there's supposed to be leadership. He said he is responsible for the bad economy too. He said he is livid about the whole thing and he's not sure what to tell you. He said if you think it's being handled well then do your thing. He said the only way this thing is going to go away is if we mitigate.
Robin said she was on Twitter this weekend and there are clever people who tell people things in a way to call them stupid. She said it's a waste of time. Howard said tons of people were attacking him because he was telling people to drink Clorox and die. He said that's what the President was saying so he was telling the people who follow him blindly to do that.
Howard said he was watching Eric Andre last night and cracking up. He said Jon Hein was telling him he doesn't even get a million viewers. He said it's so funny. He said Beth doesn't think it's funny at all.
Howard said Eric goes on the subway and gets the shit beaten out of him and they play funny sound effects to the videos. He said he was making a movie called Bad Trip that's been put on hold. He said he's sure it was going to be a home run but they delayed it. He said it might be delayed forever.
Howard said he likes Eric and wanted to give him a shout out. He said he wanted to give Spin Doctors a shout out too. He said he was very moved by them. He said he was listening to their song ''Little Miss Can't Be Wrong'' which is about the singer's step mother. He said his name is Chris Barron. He said he took something so negative and turned it into this great song. He said his step mother was abusive to this boy and he turned this song into something upbeat. He said she told Chris that he was going to play in a band to rats like he'd never amount to anything. He said step moms can be shitty to kids.
Howard said Chris pointed out that the song had been played like 3 million times. He said things were so bad that he had to drop out of college because his step mom spent his tuition money on a Ferrari and some fur coats. He said Chris used the word Bitch in the song and he caught a lot of crap for that.
Howard said the song came out in 1991. He said it was on the album Pocket Full of Kryptonite. He asked to hear some of that song. The guys played it for him. Howard read some of the lyrics and talked about the song as it was playing.
Howard said it's such a great party song. He said they should play homage to it. Robin said that's what they're doing.
Howard said good for Chris for not shooting up the house. He said he wrote this song instead.
Howard said he woke up early thinking about how awful high school was. He said he's still angry about it. He said he has so much anger that he's in psychotherapy 2 days a week. He said his therapist thinks it should be 4 or 5 days. Robin said Natalie Wood was in it for many years. She said she was supporting the family for years when her father got sick.
Howard asked how Lindsay Lohan is doing these days. He said she went through something similar to Natalie Wood.
Howard had his mom talking about this letter she got and his mom was asking what he's writing her for. She said she has never gotten a letter from a President before. Howard had Robin cracking up with the impression and the story.
Howard said he told his mom that it's a letter that a lot of people get. She said she never got one all these years. She said he says he needs money to support Biden. Robin said he needs money from her. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He said he explained it's a fund raiser. Howard had his mother going back and forth with him about that. Howard said he told her to just throw it out if she doesn't want to donate. He said he would make an extra donation in her name if she doesn't want to do it. He said he's not actually going to do that.
Howard said he told her to just make a decision. He said his dad used to open the mail and he's a little out of it now so she has to open it. Howard had her talking to Ben about the mail and explaining what they got. He said his dad is around but he's kind of out of it.
Howard said his dad stopped talking. He said this is the father he dreamt of. He said he wants to go live with him now. Robin said he loved to talk. Howard said his father is all talked out. He said he's had 96 or 97 years of talking. He said he used to pray that he would run out of words. He said they weren't positive. He said he used to hope that he's shut up and now he's finally shut up after 97 years. He said he's so much more pleasant.
Howard said he was talking about Coronavirus with is mom but she doesn't want to hear about that. He said he told her that he ordered robots to work in his house. He said she didn't understand. He said he told her about the Roomba vacuum cleaners that they got. He said they have one that mops and one that vacuums. He did his impression of her laughing.
Howard said he was cleaning the attic out and he had to go through stuff that he hasn't looked at in years. He said they sent a bunch of stuff off to their nieces and nephews. He said they boxed up all of this junk. He said no one needs this stuff. He said Beth told him that the kids are using the stuff. He said there's no way they're using it. He said it's a box full of his junk.
Howard said he told Beth to let him carry stuff if she needs to move heavy stuff. He said she took it upon herself to move something and she was in her socks. He said she put on boots that she shouldn't have been wearing. He said she fell on the steps and caught herself on the foot that she hurt years ago. He said she can barely walk now. He said he thought they were going to have to go to the doctor or hospital. He said he figured they're going to get Coronavirus and die.
Howard said there was this guy who went to the hospital for a few days. He said he got Coronavirus and he and his wife both ended up with it and both of them died. He said he knew these people. He said you want to live as long as possible so he felt bad about this. He said they were the nicest people in the world. He said that when it's someone you know it's a different story. Howard said those people didn't have to die. He said this thing didn't have to get so out of hand. He said this is nonsense. He said this is why we have government.
Howard said he and Beth called the doctor and they figured out that it wasn't broken. He said the next day Beth woke up and she was fine. He said she's still sore but she can walk. Robin said the ice and heat thing works. Howard said he did that with her too. He said he was doing all kinds of things for her. He said he told the doctor he'd do whatever he had to for her.
Howard said Beth was going to have him give her a haircut but she did it herself. He said she asked him to color her hair too. He said they were going to follow what Toni his hair person told him to do. He said they needed a 3 camera shoot to show him how to do it. He said it's a whole fucking thing. He said she's going to look horrible if he does it.
Howard said when Beth hurt her foot he was taking care of the cats. He said they have 2 blind cats he was taking care of. He said he had to go in and change the litter boxes and stuff. He said he told Beth she can't be out of commission. He said she races around the house doing stuff. Robin said she's essential. Howard said she's keeping them alive. He said he has to ask her what to do with everything there. He said she needs him for nothing. He said this must be what it's like when a wife dies and leaves you with 3 or 4 kids. He said she told him he'd have to take care of the cats if she dies. He said he can't do that. He said she can tell when a cat has an ear infection by looking at them.
Howard asked Judge Jeanine about what the worst part of quarantine is for her. She said she misses going to a Mexican restaurant and ordering a Big Mac and having them arguing that they don't carry them there.
Howard asked Jeanine why she's always so intense on her show. She explained how she works up to her rage. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later. Robin said she wasn't as intense as she could be but she tried. Howard thought she was going to come back with another ''shut up Robin'' but she was gone already.
Howard said there's all kinds of fun things you do as President. He said to handle this pandemic isn't fun. He said people who get into that line of work to do good are to be admired. He said there are great bureaucrats out there like Bill Clinton. He said it's boring work. He said it's not about being on the cover of a magazine. He said you have to hunker down and get there and organize the troops. He said you have to think about what to do to slow this pandemic. He said this is a war we're in. He said there are war time presidents who were brilliant. He said you have to make tough decisions. He said you can't bully the Coronavirus away on Twitter. He said it's not fun to sit there in a room all day with health officials. He said what's fun is going around talking about how great you're doing. He said making up names for your enemies is fun. He said that's fun for Trump. He said he calls Bloomberg ''Little Mike.'' He said that's fun for Trump.
Howard said Trump has to stop with the nonsense. He said he called Stormy Daniels a horse face on Twitter. He said that's Trump having fun. He said that's what he's good at. He said he likes that but it's enough. He said organizing government isn't fun. He said trump doesn't want to do that. He said he used to hang out with Donald and they had a great time at Mar-A-Lago. He said he didn't want to be President. He said this stuff is boring and dull and it's making his head spin.
Howard said Sean Hannity is an entertainer. He said he doesn't mind that guy. He said Trump was a good entertainer too. Robin said if Trump had to analyze himself for how he handled the whole thing he would have fired himself. Howard said when you're a leader you get blamed if the response was poor. Robin said you have to stop passing the buck. She said it has to stop somewhere. Howard said it was never handled well. He said this is his point of view and don't argue with him about it. Howard said he's sitting in his basement and now people he knows are dead.
Bobo said opening restaurants at 25 percent capacity is going to be a huge mistake. He said that if 25 people are sitting in there it just takes one to cough to get everyone sick in there. Howard said there will be a time when there is some way we can come back. He said we're not there yet and wishing it away is not leadership.
Howard said people are still dying but the curve has flattened because of the quarantine. He said it could have been prevented. He said if we had done something in January we could have stopped it. He said his buddy there canned a bunch of people who could have done something.
Howard said he's not impressed with the leadership. He said he's just not. Robin asked why people who want to go to work have to show up with guns. Howard said this is all tied in with an agenda. He said they don't get that this is one country. He said we're all trying to stay alive. Robin asked who they're going to shoot so they can go back to work. Howard said he has no idea what's going on. He said we have to get this under control and the government is trying to do something.
Howard said in Germany they found out that this was spread by people sharing a salt shaker. He said that's why we can't open restaurants.
Howard said he can't help Bobo with Sean Hannity. He said it sounds like he's creating a controversy to get ratings going. He said he's not following the story. Bobo said the NY Times says they're not apologizing and they're not printing a retraction. Robin said nothing will come from this.
Fred did his Bobo Puppet impression and asked Howard who he thinks would win with the Coronavirus. He said the sun can kill the Coronavirus but the wind can spread it. Howard said if there was no more wind you can live. He said you can't live without the sun. Fred asked other questions about the sun going up against the rain and maybe lightning going up against Coronavirus. Bobo Puppet kept asking about things that could beat Coronavirus or not. Howard let both Bobo and Bobo Puppet go a short time later.
Howard took a call from Woody Allen (Wood Yi) who was saying throughout this whole crisis he never stopped eating Chinese pussy. The guys had a bunch of clips of Wood Yi to play. They had him talking dirty to Robin. Howard said that was not the real Woody Allen. He said that was Wood Yi. He said he's taking a break and they'll be back with more. He got in a plug for Gardein which is their sponsor today.
Howard came back and said he's reading his email and people are asking him why he doesn't like Trump. He said he just doesn't like the leadership he's providing. He said stop writing him. He said he goes nuts over this.
Howard said he has a young friend who has Coronavirus and she had to get tested for it. He said she wasn't able to get tested. He said when the President comes on and says that anyone who wants a test can get one, that's just not true. He said you can only get one if you're an essential worker or you are someone. He said this disconnect keeps happening in his life. He said Trump will say something and then a doctor comes out and has to say that he was wrong about what he just said.
Howard said the press conferences are frightening. He said Trump says something and then they have to come out with the truth. Robin said he just wants things to be positive. He said he wants the reporters to ask their questions in a positive way. Howard said stop wishing for things to happen and do something about it. He said the attacking of the media is his shtick but that's for the Apprentice, not for the president.
Gary said there's a reporter who wrote about getting into a briefing and how you can get a question out. She said that you just have to keep looking at Trump and he'll eventually call on you. Howard said he has some friends who think that things are being handled great. Howard said they're not. He said if the CEO of a company did what he's doing the stock would tumble.
Robin said that's like seeing 67,000 dead and not relating it to people. Howard said it's May already. Robin said she hasn't seen Howard in 2 months. She said she just realized that.
Howard said everyone walking around in masks sounds like Darth Nihilus. He said now he could be a reporter with this face mask look. He said what he's thinking of doing is going on and no one will know who he is. He said it's awesome.
Howard said he read that Lars from Metallica has two full grown sons and one plays drums and one plays bass. He said they play Eleanor Rigby together and rock it up. He had the song to play but he had to ask the guys to hold off on that. He said that the kids are really good. He said this is just the bass and drum. He had the guys play the song.
Howard said go watch that online. He said it's really entertaining. He said it's just guitar and bass but it's really cool.
Howard said he asked Gary how he has time to do that. He said Gary claims he was scouring the room to see who is watching. Gary said he was doing what Howard was doing. He said he was watching celebrities in their house doing stuff during the party. He said some of them are kind of big people. Howard said he was on there and he saw Gary there. Gary said he's seen David Spade, Courteney Cox and others on there. He said Howard is going on expecting a polished show but that's not what it is. Howard said it was just cutting out so it was bad.
Gary said that Jewel was on talking about a song she did and she's there with a guitar all alone. He said you're supposed to mute your Zoom but then you'll hear someone yell out that the Chinese food is there. Howard said Jewel sounds like she's on a McDonald's drive up microphone.
Robin said it sounds like Howard was in there. Howard said he was in there for like 2 minutes. Gary said Howard was on twice. Howard said he did go in twice but that was it. He said it was the same shit both times.
Howard said the Zoom meetings are driving people crazy. He said he read that it's not satisfying to people when they meet up like that. Gary said that they're doing 6-8 meetings a day and it's exhausting. Robin said she knows because she did a class where they were in front of the computer all day. She said that's not for her.
Howard said he heard Ronnie was yelling at Stephanie during their Zoom party. Gary said they have this meeting every week and last week Ronnie gets up and he starts yelling. He said everyone quieted down and then they hear Ronnie yelling at Stephanie for cleaning the deck. He said this went on for a minute and a half. He said then Ronnie sits down and asks ''what's up'' and they all start laughing.
Howard said Ronnie has this young girl and you'd think that he'd be grateful. He said he's just yelling at her. He said they fight all the time. He said she just turned 37 and he's 70. He said you'd think that he'd be doing anything for her and trying to keep her happy.
Howard asked what he was yelling about. Ronnie got on and said he was going to clean the deck on Friday. He said he wanted it to be clean for the weekend. He said he told her not to clean the deck herself. He said he told her she can sit out there if she wants. He said he heard her moving stuff around and he asked her what she was doing. He said he wanted to do it himself. He said she's the one going to work. He said he yelled at her for doing the work. Gary said this isn't the tone he had on Friday. Ronnie said they do that all the time. He said he did have some drinks in him on Friday night though.
Howard said Ronnie and Stephanie have turned it into Abbot and Costello. Robin said yeah, without the jokes. Howard said they have turned Happy Hour into the Unhappy Hour. Ronnie said they're plenty happy.
Howard said it sounds like they're always fighting. Ronnie said they do. He said it's fine though. Howard said the staff has seen other people fighting on Zoom too. Howard said he wouldn't do it there.
Howard said the other annoying thing is when the people have their kid come over or their dog or cat. Gary said he's not sure how old Richard's kid is but he's running the household. He said that no matter what Richard is doing the kid is all over and Richard is chasing him around. He said Richard seems more like his good friend than his dad.
Ronnie said during the meeting they had to send Richard outside so they didn't wake the kid up. Howard said he gets that.
Gary said Benjy is interesting in the meetings too. He said Benjy is the one guy who doesn't know how to run his equipment. He said that he appears to be in jail when you see him. He said they were in a meeting last week and Benjy has 2 Zooms going at once. He said he asked him to turn the Zoom off and Benjy denied it was him. He said he turned something off that wasn't really off so it kept interrupting.
Howard asked why it's always Benjy that can't work stuff. He said he turns it on with his kids and it's just on and that's it. He said there's no problem there. He said it's so simple. Gary said Benjy had 2 going at once. He has it for the show and that's how he's used to it so that's the way he does it.
Howard got Benjy on and asked if he's doing this on purpose. Benjy said no. Howard asked why he doesn't know how to do this. Benjy asked what's wrong with it now. Howard said Fred has his Benjy Puppet up too. Howard said everyone is squared off but Benjy. Benjy said his phone is in a holder and that's the way it works. Howard said everyone else has figured it out so why can't he figure it out. Benjy said that would make sense.
Benjy asked if he looks good now. Howard said it's better but not great. He said he has these big bars in the way. He said the dog is blocked by the big metal plate. He said he guarantees he's a horrible dog owner. Benjy said he doesn't think so.
Howard said Benjy said that he thinks holding a dog makes him more lovable. He said the thing is that it doesn't. Gary said he thinks it makes him look slimmer. Howard said they know he's fat. Benjy said he looks better at certain angles.
Howard got fed up with Benjy and said that's enough. He said the IT department wanted to work on his computer and he didn't let them. Howard said he lets IT go through his stuff. Benjy said he did have IT on it. Howard said he has them on his computer almost every day. He said he has one computer that he uses. Benjy said he doesn't like giving people control over his computer. Howard said Jared from Subway had the same problem. Benjy said he will let Howard on his computer. Howard said he's not an IT guy.
Howard asked what he has on that computer that he doesn't want people to see. Benjy said he has personal stuff on there. Howard said he doesn't think he has anything on there. Robin said she has people coming in there all the time to make her stuff work. Benjy was arguing but Howard cut him off. Benjy said that he wants Chicken to come over. Howard asked if that's the dog. Benjy said it is. Howard told the dog to get out. Howard let out an ''Oh fuck'' when Benjy got the dog on. Howard said the dog is so not into him that it just ignored him when he called it over. Benjy said that's not true.
Howard asked if Benjy just has phone sex with someone on Bumble. Benjy said he did. He said this woman sent him some sexy pictures. Howard said the Benjy Puppet is set up like Benjy. Robin said they're just missing the bars. Howard said he's had enough of Benjy. He said it was great to hear from him. He let him go after that.
Howard said King might be right about the age thing but he's not sure. Howard said he's just an angry guy. Robin agreed.
Howard said there you go. He said no one is disagreeing with him for once. King was gone. Robin said she thinks they lost him. Howard said it says he's on. King said he's on. Howard had to hit something. King said he went to Harlem yesterday to get 3 cans of Lysol. He said no one had on masks. Howard said right. He said he sees the same thing there where he lives. Robin asked if King said anything. King said hell no. He said he thinks that they think it's not cool to wear a mask so that's why they don't do it. Howard said he sees the same thing. He said you wear one to protect other people. He said maybe out in the suburban area they think differently. He said it's really rude not to treat it seriously. Robin said they say we have enough compliance to bring the numbers down. Howard said he doesn't like the way Trump is handling this thing. He said you have to get on and say that everyone has to wear a mask. Howard spent a little more time going off on Trump.
King said that he got into an argument with his wife. He said she went over to see her sister and she said she was going to stay upstairs. He said she went upstairs to talk to her sister for an hour. Howard said he doesn't blame him for getting upset. King said she told him to calm the fuck down. He was telling Howard something and Howard just hung up on him. He said he has a way of telling a story. Howard said that he's right for getting upset with her for going upstairs. Howard said he and Beth are on the same page with not going anywhere.
Howard said he talked about that couple earlier who say they're in quarantine but then they say that they went to a dinner party. He said that's not quarantine.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that his life hasn't changed that much since this quarantine. Howard thanked him for the call. Jeff said it really hasn't. Howard said bye. Jeff said he has Zoom so maybe they can Zoom. Howard said that wouldn't drive him nuts at all. Howard said Jeff has been complaining that he hasn't been on the air. He said he wants to be interviewed but he has nothing to talk to him about.
Howard said Chris called Erik the other day to get an update and that turned into phone sex. Howard said most of the fantasies Erik has revolve around food. He played a clip of Erik talking to Chris about coming over and how they can do stuff together. He said they can stay 6 feet apart and eat together and talk.
Howard said Erik doesn't understand social distancing. He said he wants to cuddle but they have to stay six feet apart. He said Erik showed up at Shuli's house unannounced and didn't even have a mask with him.
Howard asked Shuli what's going on with that. Shuli said he got a text from Erik saying he was there and he was out there without a mask or gloves and he was asking him to bring the kids out to sit in his truck. Howard said Erik really doesn't get it. Robin said she understands why he doesn't get it.
Howard asked if Shuli is growing hair on the top of his head. Shuli said he is. He said his hair is coming back somehow. He said he didn't know that it would grow like that. He said he has bangs now.
Howard got back to Erik and Chris. He said Erik struggles with sexy talk. He said he worked in his hate for Bill de Blasio during one phone sex moment. Howard played the clip and Erik worked it in when he was telling Chris how hard he'd fuck him.
Howard said Erik took on the role of a front line nurse and Chris was his patient. He had a clip of them role playing. Robin was cracking up at that one. Erik was talking about injecting his dick needle into Chris. Shuli did his impression of Erik after that.
Shuli said he heard that Erik ordered 40 McNuggets to his house and he got six apple pies. He said he ate them instead of sending them back. Howard said he likes that he's a sexy nurse. He said Erik claims he's not gay.
Howard said Chris had to go so he faked an orgasm to get out of it. Howard played a clip where Chris faked that. Howard said that was a very cold ending to that. He said he just ended it after he finished. Howard said that call went for 20 minutes. He said Chris had to run after that.
Shuli said he has a story about Erik. He said they have an Alternate side of the street parking rule there and Erik has rented a car so he can leave his truck parked in the spot while he runs errands. Howard said that's unbelievable. Robin said it shows he has way too much money. Robin said that's thanks to Cameo.
Howard got Erik on the phone. He asked how he's doing. Erik said he's good. Howard asked if he's finally going to admit that he's gay. Erik said he's not. Howard said he just heard his phone sex with Chris. He said that's gay. Erik said Chris never came over that night. He said if he did then maybe something would have happened. He said he's not gay if nothing happened. Robin said Erik thinks that if nothing happens then he's not gay. Erik said Robin is so feeble minded. He said she can't handle the truth. Robin said Erik can't handle the truth. Erik said no one touched him so he's not gay. Howard said if he has the thoughts of being with a man then he's gay. Erik said he wanted Chris there that night. Howard said just wanting someone like that makes you gay. He said if you think about being with a man then you're gay. Erik said Chris never came over. Robin asked if he's a man or a woman. Chris said he's a man. Robins said thinking about him is gay then.
Howard said by Erik's definition Chris isn't gay unless he's having sex with a man. Erik said Chris hurts his feelings because he never comes over. He said that breaks his heart. Howard said Chris never said he was going to come over. Erik said he did say that he would come over.
Shuli said Erik wanted him to mail him a picture of Chris so he could put it on his pillow and show what he would do to him. Howard said he wants to see that. He said they can Zoom with him and see what he'll do to it. Erik said he can tape Chris' picture to the Flat Ronnie he has and he'll show him what he'd do to him on that. Robin said this is going to be great.
Howard said this will be what they call a viral moment. Erik said he'll put Flat Ronnie on the bed and tape Chris' face to it. Shuli said Erik did not go home after coming to his place. He said he went to visit other people too.
Erik said Shuli thought he had lost weight that day. Howard said he hasn't lost weight. Shuli said he's still out of shape and smoking 10 cigars a day. Erik said he did go home that day. He said he sat on his porch and made some espresso and smoked a cigar or two.
Howard said when you go visit Shuli and asks for the kids to sit in the car that's not social distancing. He said he could pass Coronavirus along or he'd get sick himself. Erik said he can't wear a mask. He said he has one in the car. Shuli said it's uncomfortable for him.
Howard asked how many pills he takes a day. Erik said it's maybe 10 a day. He said he takes 3 in the afternoon. He said he takes one around 7 and then 5 at night. Howard said he's counting 19 a day. Erik said yes. Howard said if he gets Coronavirus he's fucked. He said if he gets sick he's not going to survive. He said he should be a lot more careful.
Erik said he's been taking Ambien and his doctor told him to stop taking it because he's sleep walking and hallucinating. Shuli said he's heard he's woken up in the middle of the street. Erik said that's true. He said he's taking something other than Ambien. Howard asked if he has ever woken up in a gay bar. Erik said no. Howard said Erik is sleeping with a C-pap machine too. He asked why he has to take sleeping pills. He said he doesn't have anywhere to go every day. Erik said he does need sleep. Erik said he's going to sign up for a Twitch account and do shows with Shuli. Shuli said he has a life and he will play games with him but he's not going into business with him. Erik said he's very good at shooting games.
Erik said he ordered a bunch of Gardein for his apartment. Robin asked if he ordered meat too. Erik said he did. He said he has steaks and things like that. He said the Gardein fish is great though.
Howard asked Erik if he knows that the soda he's drinking is keeping him awake at night. Erik said he has to drink caffeine or he'll get terrible headaches. He said that gets rid of them. Howard said there is no reason that he has to sleep on a schedule. He said if he can't sleep just lay there. He said you can just lay there and eventually you'll fall asleep. He said if you don't sleep then don't worry about it. Shuli said Erik naps during the day for 5-6 hours. Howard said there you go.
Erik asked Howard when he goes to bed. Howard said he goes at 8 or 9. He said even if he doesn't sleep that much he'll just lay there. He said he's not sure why he has to sleep so bad. He said just sleep the next night. Erik said he'll have to take his advice.
Erik said he made oatmeal with honey and strawberries this morning. Howard asked why he needs honey. Erik said he wants more taste. Howard said the strawberries have enough taste. Erik said there's not enough taste. Robin said he just needs the sweet. Erik said yes. Howard said he doesn't know why he needs the Seroquel to sleep. Robin said she just read that it's an antipsychotic. Howard said he thought it was for sleeping. Robin said that's not what it says it's for.
Erik asked if they are going to Zoom tomorrow. Howard said they can do that. He said they can get Chris on too. Erik said he wants Chris to be on so he can see what he will do to him in bed. Howard said they all want to see that. He said it'll be like Zoom Creedmore.
Howard said he does worry about Erik. He said he has played tape of him snoring and stuff. He said he's afraid that he's going to get Coronavirus and die. Howard said this is a tape of Erik sleeping. He said it's weird. He played the clip and it was Erik sleeping and making really strange noises. There was a whistle in his breathing. Erik said it sounds like a little pigeon. Howard said there's nothing little about that. Fred played some sound effects to recreate Erik's breathing. Howard asked what Fred is doing. Fred said it's a baby squeak toy and an oxygen machine. Howard had him play more of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has some examples of this Seroquel drug. He said he had a guy who started taking it and a few days later the guy was missing from his house. He said he drove off from his house and crashed his truck miles and miles from his house. He said another guy took it and got so out of it he was naked in the street. He said it's a hard core drug. Howard thanked the guy for the call. He said what he says makes sense. He said you're going from Ambien to Seroquel. Erik said that he took it at 11 last night and got up at 6 today. He said he felt great after. Howard said maybe that's why he's out in the street sleep walking. Erik said that was from the Ambien. Howard said maybe this is why he wants to fuck a guy on camera.
Shuli told Howard that Erik has gone on Instagram Live and fallen asleep in the middle of it. Howard said he just heard from Coronavirus and he says Erik is his wet dream. He said he can't wait to get inside of him. Erik asked who the Coronavirus is. Howard did his impression of the Coronavirus and had a conversation with Erik. He was talking about infecting Erik and how he was going to do that. Erik was arguing with him like he was really Coronavirus.
Howard said he thinks Erik wore him down. Erik said he knew it was Howard. He said he was using his megaphone. Howard said he knew he was on to him. Howard said he got him when he said he was going to microwave him and not let him in his belly.
Howard said there's a High Pitch Erik update. He asked if Shuli has anything else about him. Shuli said not right now. He said they'll have to see what happens tomorrow. He said Erik is actually better on Zoom than Benjy is. He said he did a test with him. He said his whole apartment is full of Coca Cola products. Howard said if he just gave that up he'd lose a ton of weight. Shuli said he lost 30-40 pounds just giving up soda before his stomach surgery. Erik said he had some Gardein burgers and they're the best.
Howard said if he really wanted Chris Wilding he'd give up soda and lose 150 pounds. Erik asked if Chris would really want him. Robin said yes but Shuli was honest and said no. Howard said Chris goes out with really good looking dudes. Erik said he has to lose weight then. He said maybe he'll be into him.
Howard said he saw tape of Erik from many years ago and he was thin. Erik said if he had met Chris way back then they might have been dating already. Howard said Chris wants to be with thin guys. He asked if he's lying here.
Chris got on and said that he's never been with a guy who was even 10 pounds overweight. Erik asked if he gets ripped during the summer and loses weight will he take him for who he is. Chris asked if he will have abs. Erik said he will have really tight abs. Chris said if he gets abs at any point in his life he'll suck him and fuck him and swallow his load. Erik said oh my god. Howard said he won't do that anyway. Chris said he likes a big penis too so if he lost weight he might show more. He said he was close to Erik's penis and that was the last one he was close to before this Coronavirus thing happened.
Howard said this is all very silly. He said he has no chance with Chris until he loses weight. Howard asked if Erik's is the smallest he's ever been with. Chris said it's the smallest one he's ever seen. He said it took is breath away for all the wrong reasons.
Howard said he would be so much better off if he worked out and lost weight. Chris said he doesn't like smoking either. He said that's vile and disgusting to him too.
Howard asked Chris what's going on with him and Ralph. Chris said they got into a big fight. He said they were fighting over text about the ending to the Sopranos. He said it was a stupid thing and Ralph snapped and said he has no right to comment on this because he's a low level writer who writes dick jokes and he has no right to comment on the Sopranos ending. He said he had to end it there. Howard said Chris' feed is breaking up. Howard said he's going to hang up on everyone.
Howard said he wants to hear about Ralph. Robin said maybe it's too many people. Howard said he wants to hear about that fight. He said Ralph insulted Chris with that comment about being a low level writer. He said Ralph doesn't even have a job. He said he pays him to do nothing.
Howard said as long as he's gay he has a gay game to play. He asked if Chris would rather fuck a woman or High Pitch Erik if he had to do one. Chris said a woman. He said he'd need a Ratajkowski type if he had to be with a woman. He said a lot of people are very fluid so they'd get through it.
Howard said they have a game to play. He said Coronavirus has caused sporting events to shut down. He said one event survived and that was WrestleMania. He said that took place with no audience at the WE training center in March. He said they observed that they can hear every sound they make and it sounds like sex. He said they made a game out of it. He said you have to guess if it's from WrestleMania or gay porn.
Howard played a clip and Robin guessed it was WrestleMania. Chris agreed. Howard said it sure sounded gay to him. He played more of the clip and it was from WrestleMania.
Howard played another clip and had Chris and Robin guess. They both said it was gay porn. Howard said they're right. He played the gay porn clip.
Howard played another clip and Robin guessed it was gay porn. Chris said that's WrestleMania. Howard said it is in fact WrestleMania. He played the full clip.
Howard played another clip and had to replay it so Robin could hear it again. Robin said that's WrestleMania. Chris said he agrees. Howard asked what gave it away. Chris said there should be something in the guy's mouth if it's gay porn. Howard played the full clip and there was a lot of grunting men's voices in that.
Howard said Ralph is on the phone to talk about his fight with Chris. Howard said he has to give him some advice. Howard said Chris is a good friend of Ralph's and why would he stop being friends with him over the ending of The Sopranos. Ralph said he loves Chris and thought he was a good friend. He said they got into a ridiculous argument and he was joking about the whole thing. He said he told him he was stupid that he bailed on the last episode and he was needling him and he thought they were joking around. He said Chris turned on a dime. Chris said he has the text right there. Ralph said he was just joking around. He said Chris got all mad at him. He said he called and told him he was joking but Chris really got mad.
Chris said he wrote to Ralph. Ralph said Chris loves the drama. Chris said his reaction was real. He said Ralph was being nasty. He said Ralph went too far. Ralph said he apologized for that. He said he already told him that. Howard asked if his show is shit if he's a low level writer. Ralph told him to stop it. He said he knows he doesn't think that. He said that's why he didn't think Chris could get that upset.
Robin asked what the text said. Chris read the text that set him off about the ending of The Sopranos. Ralph said that's not what set him off. Chris read more of the texts and said that Ralph hated The Joker so he commented on that. Ralph wrote back something nasty about him staying in his own lane. Chris said he wasn't attacking him but Ralph went too far. He said Ralph told him some day he'd go too far with his comments and he was right.
Ralph said he was just joking around. He said he told him to just stay in his lane but that was just being stupid. He said he was joking. Chris said he thinks he was really angry.
Howard said he wants to get back to the game. He played the next clip and had the guys guess what it was. Robin said it was gay porn. Chris said he had to hear it again. Howard played it and Chris said he thinks that's gay porn. Ralph said that's WrestleMania. It was gay porn and Howard played the full clip.
Howard played another clip and had the guys guess. Ralph said that's WrestleMania. Robin wanted to hear it one more time. Howard played it for her and she said that has to be WrestleMania. Chris said it's gay porn. Howard said he's right again. He said he is so obviously gay. Howard asked what the tell was on that one. Chris said that no one is going to sigh in unison if you're wrestling.
Howard played another clip and had the guys guess. Robin said it's getting harder and harder for her. Chris went first and said that was wrestling. Ralph said that's gay porn. Robin said that's gay porn. Howard said Chris knows what he's talking about. He was right about it being WrestleMania. Howard played the full clip. Robin said it sure sounds like gay porn. Howard said that was a match that was over 40 minutes long. Robin said that's almost as much of a waste as Ralph and Chris' fight.
Howard said he's going to let Ralph go. Ralph said he just wants to say that The Sopranos was the best drama ever and the ending was great. Howard took a call from a guy who said that these two should just get it on together already. He said fuck Ralph, he's an asshole. Howard said maybe George is right. Ralph said they were talking a lot too and he can't believe that he got so upset. Howard let both Ralph and Chris go after that.
Howard said the guys report on Ralph and Chris and they say that they fight like an old married couple. He said that Chris is a fantastic low level writer. Ralph said he never called him a low level. Howard said that's probably enough of a show.
Howard said they say that he looks like he has David Alan Grier's beard now. He said David Alan Grier responded to that and said that he did steal his beard.
Howard read some fan feedback about The Shusher and said people enjoyed that. He had some feedback about Robin looking beautiful during the quarantine. Howard said it wasn't just one person either. He had a couple about her looks.
Howard said some people want to see her tap dance on camera. Robin said her hip was killing her and once she stopped doing tap it was much better.
Howard read some feedback about Ronnie's sex tips from last week. He had people who were appalled and delighted. He read both sides.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been diagnosed with Coronavirus. The caller said that he only listens to Howard about what's going on out there. He said he tested positive on the 22nd. He said he has been listening to Howard and it saved his life. He said listening to Howard brings his blood pressure down. Howard said it sounds like he's not been hit too hard with it. He said we don't know what's going on out there. The caller said he's at the end of it and he's feeling better. Howard asked if he lost his sense of smell and taste. The caller said he didn't but his sense of taste if off a bit. Howard let the caller go a short time later.
Robin said she read a story about a guy who didn't know he had Coronavirus and he may have infected a bunch of people. Howard said he had more to get to today but there's always tomorrow. Robin said that he may run into his neighbors if he doesn't stop now. Howard said that's why they have to keep doing the show so early. He said that there's no morning drive but everyone gets on the internet after 10.
Howard said they're going to talk to Whoopi Goldberg tomorrow. He said they'll find out what it's like doing The View from home. Howard said they always interrupt that show with Governor Cuomo interrupting with his updates every day. Howard and Robin spent a little more time talking about Whoopi and her Oscar win and nominations.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how Whoopi Goldberg will be on today. He said he always enjoys talking to her. He said she has won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and a Tony.
Howard took a call from Pocket who said he's been thinking about Billy Corgan and how his music is too niche. He said that's why he doesn't get the acclaim he deserves. Howard said he was listening to his music yesterday and it's not niche at all. He said that he's put out so many great songs and he's a genius. He said he's one of his favorite artists. He said he can't imagine why he's not recognized by every award show. He said he'd put him right up there with Prince and the Stones and all of that. He said he's not sure why he thinks he's niche.
Robin said they say you have to have been in the business for a certain amount of time before you're eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said he formed the band The Smashing Pumpkins in 1988 so he is eligible.
Pocket said he's just thinking that's what other people think. Howard said niche artists and bands are like Adam Ant. He said that's niche. He said Milli Vanilli, Lou Bega and bands like that are niche. He said Vanilla Ice is niche. He said Billy is mainstream and a genius. Howard asked who this guy Pocket is. He said Right Said Fred is niche.
Howard said he was laying in bed and Beth was laying there and fell asleep within 10 minutes. He said she's working very hard lately. He said she almost broke her foot the other day and she was vacuuming the steps yesterday. He said they have another Roomba that they assembled. He said he loves the technology. He said he's in charge of the Robots in the house.
Howard asked if she has taken any medication. Robin said she took Tylenol. She said she's not going to the doctor because it doesn't appear to be displaced. Howard said this is his worst fear. He said he has a tooth bothering him and he won't go to the dentist. He said he gets why she doesn't want to go to the doctor.
Howard said Robin is off balance because of her G-cup breasts. He said that's a lot to haul around. Robin said they don't help for sure. Howard said he's always felt for her. He said it's like she's carrying a SCUBA tank all her life. Robin said they're on the front though. Howard said try carrying something like that and see how Robin feels.
Robin said she had people asking if she was alright and she chased them off. She said they can't help.
Howard said he was out for a walk with Beth and he was feeling that the air is tainted so he gets angry. He said they were out for like 3 minutes and he saw his neighbor. He said he has a lawn service every day over at his house. He said he had some guy there raking the stones in his driveway. He said the guy didn't move. He said he wanted to turn around and walk back. He said this guy wasn't wearing a mask and he was raking the rocks. He said he wanted to call the police because the guy wasn't wearing a mask. Howard said he was fuming mad.
Howard said he finally got some balls and told the guy to move over. He said the guy stood there in the middle of the road staring at him. He said maybe the guy didn't understand English. He said there was a store clerk who was shot dead for demanding a customer wear a mask. He said maybe this guy was retarded. He said he told the guy to move aside. He said eventually he stops and moves over a little bit. He said the guy is there raking rocks in the middle of a virus. He said it's the same rocks and they don't look different. He said this guy is out there every day doing this. He said he wondered what the fuck was wrong with this guy.
Howard said this is the problem he has with Trump who has the Vice President walking around without a mask. He said these press conferences with him saying one thing and his staff corrects him. He said they have such incompetent people in that administration right now.
Howard said Trump is saying that the states aren't opening fast enough but then the news is reporting that it's about to get much worse. He said hundreds of thousands of people are going to die. He said there is no plan and none of this computes. He said you have to take charge. Robin said FOX New was saying that you're going to have to get used to people dying.
Howard said he read about a 28 year old woman who just dropped dead from Coronavirus. He said this was a woman who had won some beauty pageants and she was an American Indian. He said it's just crazy. He said maybe when Trump and his two sons are working in a meat packing plant then they're all in it together. He said he's losing his mind over all of this. He said all of this is on Trump.
Howard said Obama had a team that he put together to make sure these viruses didn't make it here. Jason said that it was called US Aid. Howard said he's done going off about this. He said he's got such agida thinking about this guy. He said we're officially a third world country now. He said he knew this would fucking happen with this guy. He said he knew it and said it to you.
Howard said his wife met David one night. He said she was out with a bunch of models so of course David was there. He said she was telling him how he walked up to her and told her about her whole Comp Card. He said that he did some magic trick with her card and it turns out it was at the bottom of her shoe. He said she had it in her army boot. Howard said he did the same trick on TV the other night. He said this guy is a wizard. Howard said he also made some models panties disappear.
Howard said last night they were watching the Bachelor where they sing. He said they must have shot that before the Coronavirus thing hit. Gary told Howard that their guest is ready. Howard said he'll talk to her now.
Howard said Whoopi is an EGOT which means she's won and Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony award. He said he was thinking about how fascinating that is. He said she was nominated for Ghost and she gave her Oscar acceptance speech while she was high. He asked if that's true. She said kind of. Howard said she must have wanted to have that award all her life and she got high to give her speech. Whoopi said it's not that different than having a drink before. she said she doesn't drink. Howard said her mother knew she was high and called her out on it. Whoopi said that's possible. Howard said she's not shy so just admit it. Robin said this isn't Congress. Whoopi said that things are getting so bad she may have to run for office.
Howard asked about The Color Purple and how she lost that one. Whoopi said Geraldine Page won that. Howard said she's a horrible actress. Whoopi said stop it. She said she's a great actress and a New York actress. She said she had been nominated like 12 times. She said you can't feel bad about that. She said that it was like her cousin won. She said that was her own girl.
Howard asked if she thought she'd never get another movie role like that one in The color Purple. Whoopi said she did get another great role. Howard said she did. He said she got that role in The Color Purple from Steven Spielberg. Whoopi said that she went in for her audition and Steven Spielberg had heard about her from Alice Walker and he wanted to see her. She said you don't turn down an invitation from someone like that. Howard went through the story about how that audition worked for her. Whoopi told Howard how that audition came about and said that it was amazing that it worked out.
Howard said that when she was young and starting out one of the jobs she had was as a cosmetologist at a mortuary. He said she made dead people look their best. Whoopi said she did. Howard said that has to be a heavy and depressing job. Whoopi said it can be. She said in your hands is someone's family member and they're depending on you to make them look good so they can say goodbye. She said the difficult ones are the little ones. She said she can't imagine what people are going through now. She said the overwhelming amount of death now has to be tough. Whoopi said everything before this pandemic seemed like it was in soft light. She said now it's in sharp focus. She said she's lucky that she can go outside. She said she can't imagine how some people are doing it.
Howard asked if she can believe what's going on. Whoopi said no. Howard said there were parts of government looking into this stuff and Trump's administration dismantled it. He said they're not looking into this stuff. Whoopi said the biggest bitch is that this virus doesn't care about your political likes or dislikes. She said it's the killer. She said one would think that the nation would be united against the virus. She said she heard him earlier about how everyone wants to go back to work but we can't do it if some folks refuse to do what's necessary. She said she gets why people are angry. She said the money should be there for people when something like this happens.
Howard said we know what the problem is and what needs to be done but there's a big disconnect with Washington. Whoopi said a lot of this is orchestrated and there are people fanning the flames. She said this isn't about who won the Civil War. She said it's about your freedom versus her freedom. Howard said he was out and some guy wasn't wearing a mask. He said he's wearing one to protect the guy but the guy isn't doing the same.
Whoopi said she feels like she's angry all the time and she thinks she figured it out. She said she was taught not to lie or cheat and things like that. She said that they fought to push those things away. She said that she realized that a lot of this has gone away. She said she's enraged that people aren't angry about anti-Semitism and women's rights being manipulated and removed. She said these rights are everyone's rights.
Howard asked if she thought by the time they got empowered that things would change and things would be more loving and beautiful. He said it's all gone to shit. He said too many people just don't get it.
Whoopi said they got so many things clean and so many rights were given to people. She said change is constant. Robin said it's never done. Whoopi said they have to keep reminding people.
Howard said it's so refreshing that Whoopi can do this without the other yentas interrupting her. Whoopi laughed. Howard asked how annoying it is that they have to do the show over Zoom. He said that it has to be tough. Whoopi said she likes this. She said she doesn't mind the Zoom. Howard said she likes being home. Whoopi said that's true.
Howard asked what the schedule is. She said it's the same. She said they have a meeting and then they don't talk until the show starts.
Whoopi said she thinks that she had a piece of this Coronavirus thing. She said she was very sick last year and she had some of the symptoms. Howard asked if she's scared of it. Whoopi said she was scared last year. She said that she isn't scared now. Howard said he's scared.
Howard asked if she ignored her pneumonia. Whoopi said she did. She asked how Robin's foot is doing. Robin said it's throbbing.
Howard said Whoopi had double pneumonia and sepsis. He said it was bad. He said she was really sick. Whoopi said when she goes to do something she rarely just disappears. She said people thought she was going to host the Oscar's or something but they didn't have a host.
Howard asked if she's still vaping. Whoopi said not at all. She said she can't do any of that. She said she's straight and clean as a newborn baby right now. Howard said she can still take edibles. He said she must need to take something. He asked if that was difficult. Whoopi said not at all. She said it was death or weed. She said that she had to stay clean.
Howard said Whoopi had a weed company and they were going to market it. Whoopi said they had products for women who had menstrual cramps. She said she's still in that business but not with that company.
Howard asked if she has her awards in that room she's in. Whoopi said not there. She said they're in a room upstairs. She said this is her office.
Howard asked if she gets upset that Cuomo is interrupting the show when he does his updates. Whoopi said not at all. She said he knows a good time slot so he must have watched.
Howard asked if he dislikes Meghan McCain. Whoopi said not at all. she said that it's a tough gig. She said things aren't that bad. She said she does what she needs to do there.
Howard asked Whoopi about this person who wrote a book about The View and how she didn't want to participate in the book. He said that he wouldn't do it either. He said everyone else seemed to participate in it. Whoopi said one of the things you can take to the bank with her is that if they have a private conversation no one will ever hear about it. She said she doesn't want to worry about everyone she's standing around. She said she feels for herself and it went with who she is. She said people wouldn't trust her if she did that.
Howard asked why people are so willing to talk about what went on behind the scenes. Whoopi said she just kept on truckin' after that. She said she's not interested in that book and she doesn't think about it. She said her day ends after The View and then the rest of her life happens. She said it's part of her day, not her full day.
Howard said Rosie O'Donnell said that she's upset that she and Whoopi don't get along. He said that she's sad about it. Whoopi said she doesn't see that but okay. She said she can't really help people if they have a problem. Whoopi said she has no problem with Rosie. Howard said he thinks that both of them are alphas. He said that might be where this comes from.
Whoopi said that she just did her job and that's that. Howard said she seems very zen for someone who stopped smoking pot. Whoopi said she stopped smoking cigarettes 11 years ago too. Howard said he quit when he was young and that was tough. He said it's harder to quit that than pot. Whoopi said not for her. She said cigarettes were tough but pot was tougher.
Whoopi told a story about a kid who had cystic fibrosis and he just wanted to breathe. She said she saw that and she figured that she had to stop smoking because she can breathe. Howard said he gets that. He said it's an affront to that kid who was born that way.
Whoopi said she did it on the internet. She said she had a bunch of other people quit with her and some of them still don't smoke to this day.
Howard asked if she realized she has been on The View longer than Barbara Walters was with it. He said he never would have predicted that. He said she's such a fabulous actress and she wouldn't want to be doing this every day. Howard said she has been a master at her art and she should be doing what she does so well. Whoopi said you have to have people asking you to do those things. Howard said it's a weird part of her history. Whoopi said she's not sure what happened there. She said that everyone else can write and she's horrible. She said she really doesn't know. She said she has The Stand coming up. She said it will be a great show on CBS's streaming service. She said she thinks that her time has been spread. She said that it's still there and she's supposed to be doing this right now. She said she is supposed to be in this chair saying that we don't have to buy into fear or panic. She said there's a great video going around with a bunch of people in it and it's brilliant. She said she saw that and wanted to do something like that.
Whoopi said she remembers that what she needs to be doing is standing up to someone in the White House who says that maybe we should ingest some bleach to kill the virus. She said she'd like to make more movies and she will eventually.
Howard said The Stand is about 95 percent of the country having a virus that's killing people. He said it's almost eerie. Whoopi said there's also a god and devil figure involved. She said there's a whole other thing going on there. She said that we knew it was going to come. She said it has happened before so they know it's going to happen again.
Howard asked if Whoopi is difficult to work with. Whoopi said she does ask a lot of questions. She said she doesn't think she's difficult though. Whoopi said that some people may have been put off by that. Howard said he'd like to hear that list of people.
Howard asked if she has a list of people who she's had run ins with. Whoopi said there's no list like that.
Howard said he always thinks about her and Robin Williams and Billy Crystal. He asked if she's still close to Billy. Whoopi said she is. She said that they were like her big brothers.
Howard said her family members must have thought she'd never be the famous one. He said she wasn't the funny one in the family. Whoopi said her mother and brother and her aunt were funny. She said they were really funny and it was heaven to be with them. She said her brother had the best and driest sense of humor.
Howard said Whoopi has to work hard at being funny. Whoopi said she does and you have to stay with her on it. Howard said it is possible to be funny if you work hard at it. Whoopi said it is. She said that she wasn't the funniest in her family but she did make them laugh occasionally.
Howard asked who is allowed in her house during quarantine. He asked if she's alone. Whoopi said maybe. Howard asked if she has a dude in there. Whoopi asked who can say. Howard asked if she's isolated. Whoopi said she isn't going to say out loud. She said she can't say she's all alone. She said she is never all alone in her house. She said someone is always around.
Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. Whoopi said maybe. Howard said he thought she closed the door on all of that. Howard said it would be great if she was holed up with a 25 year old guy. Whoopi said no way to a 25 year old. She said you want someone who is going to go to sleep early.
Howard asked how she's doing with eating. He said he's not doing well. He said he's put on some weight. Whoopi said she's eating everything that is not nailed down. Howard asked what she's eating that is bad for her. Whoopi said she's eating a lot of crackers and things like that. She said she likes Turkish taffy too. Howard said he can't eat that because of his teeth. He asked how many she eats a day. Whoopi said two Turkish Taffy's.
Howard said Whoopi can't cook and she posted a video. He said that the idea of cooking for herself is ridiculous. Whoopi said she will try it again. She said she has to figure out how to do it. She said she will try again.
Whoopi said she has to clean and do her bed sheets and things. She said there was someone who wasn't too happy with her not changing them for a couple of weeks. Howard said this is news that she has someone there. Whoopi said this is not news. Howard said it is to him. He said he thought she had given up on that. She said some people aren't there all the time. Howard said that sounds dangerous to him. He said he has to find out what she's up to.
Howard said she has to get these Roomba robots. He said that he has 3 in his house now.
Howard asked Whoopi more about the Steven Spielberg audition thing. Whoopi told Howard about a performance space where she got to work and show Steven what she was up to. She said she did some of her Broadway show for him. Whoopi said they had all kinds of famous people in the audience there. She said they had Quincey Jones and Michael Jackson there. She said they were people she had always thought about. She said she never anticipated that they'd be watching her like that.
Howard said the audition was basically her performing in front of Steven's private audience. Whoopi said she had no idea that was going to happen. Howard said he was so impressed that he had to hire her. Whoopi said that he was made aware of who she was by a friend. She said that it was all of those things converging.
Howard said she was kind of new to film making. He asked if she was fucking up at first. Whoopi said not at all. She said that's what the director is for. She said she loves movies and Steven had a knowledge of film that helped her out. She said he'd tell her about how he wanted things to feel in a scene and he'd talk to her about a movie that they had both seen to communicate it. She said it worked for them.
Howard asked if Whoopi went out and met with Psychics to figure out how to act like one in Ghost. Whoopi said she didn't. She said she just talked to people. She said she had a lot of friends who felt they were psychics. Howard said she doesn't believe in them, right. Whoopi said she believes in everything. Howard said be real with him. Whoopi said she does believe in everything. She asked what's the worst that can happen if you believe. Howard said you can't believe people talk to dead people. Whoopi said she actually does. She held up a Baby Yoda which threw them off of that.
Howard said he believes that she's getting laid and this person wants clean sheets. Howard said Beth changes their sheets and he tries to help but he fucks it up so she has to do it herself.
Howard reviewed that they had learned from Whoopi today. They went over a lot of the things they had talked about. Howard said he thinks that the man in her life is Zac Efron. Whoopi said that's too young. Howard said they have to make sure it's the right guy. Whoopi asked if there is ever really the right guy. Howard said imagine it was Donald Trump. Whoopi laughed. Howard wrapped up and let Whoopi go a short time later.
Howard said he didn't know she had given up the weed. He didn't know she was dating someone either. Robin said it sounds like she may have a stable. Howard said it was good to check in with her. He said she can act her ass off. He said he's surprised that her acting roles dried up. He said she's just so good.
Howard asked what Whoopi is worth financially. He asked Siri what she's worth. Siri had some info that said she's estimated to be worth $45 million. Howard said she's made a lot of scratch in this business.
Beth came in for a second but Mariann thought Howard was talking to her. Mariann started screaming that she loves Beth so Howard hung up on her. Howard thanked Beth for bringing him his strawberries. Robin said she does such a great job with the pictures of the cats on her Instagram.
Howard said Jack Antonoff took his Beth song and made it sound professional. He said he wants to thank Jack for taking the time to do that. He said he was in the band Fun and he has worked with a lot of bands as a producer. He said he has the honor of working with him now. Howard said he just took the song and did something with it. Howard said he has won a Grammy. Howard played some examples of his work while he was talking about Jack.
Howard said this is some of his Beth song. There were some horns in it as it started. Howard said listen to the orchestration. He said he feels like Bruce Springsteen. Jack was able to work some magic with the song.
Howard said he'll put the song up on their social media. He said a bunch of bands are covering the song too. He said a man named Abe Laborielle covered the song. He said he's the drummer in Paul McCartney's band. He said he plays all of the instruments on the song. Howard played some of his cover.
Howard said the band The Black Deacons also covered the song. He said they did ''Black Titties'' about Robin. He played some of that and then their cover of his song. He said he'll post all of this stuff somewhere so people can check it out.
Howard said he was laying in bed last night and Beth fell asleep while they were watching The Bachelor. He said that he had to stop it so she doesn't miss it. He said he tuned in to the Prince Special on CBS. He said the tributes really suck usually but there were some really good performances on this special. He said there's a singer called HER and she's really talented. He said she did some Prince songs and she was really good. He said she was really singing and really playing. He said it wasn't just bullshit. He said then Usher came out and did a montage of Prince songs. He said he was really good too. He said he had FKA Twigs out there dancing around. He said she's something else. He said her name annoys him though. He said he has money so he might ask her to change her name.
Howard said Prince wrote Manic Monday for the Bangles. He said one of the women from the band came out and performed the song with Chris Martin. He said that was very good too. He said Prince was such a genius that he wrote that song under a pseudonym. He said it was Chris something. Robin said he did that to see if people would appreciate it without knowing it was him.
Howard said they introduced Morris Day and the Time during the special. He said they said this was perhaps Prince's greatest creation. He said he figured Morris would hate that but he didn't seem to mind. He said that guy got up and danced and did 3 different songs. He said he still checks his hair in the mirror like he used to. He said what a fucking performance that was. He said it's the Grammy's tribute to Prince or something like that. He said people have to see this.
Howard said he was wondering how artists are going to make money. He said he was reading that you'll probably see people pull up in their cars to watch it like a drive up movie. He said he might go to a concert that way. He said you just watch from your car. Robin said that's awful. Howard said he's thought of going in a tank. He said that's one way to watch a concert.
Robin said you can't watch a Broadway play that way. Howard said he could. Robin said the National Theater in London did a live Frankenstein play and they did it with two different people on different nights. Robin said it was so good. She said they do very experimental stuff at that theater. Howard said he'd watch it as a drive in.
Howard asked what's up with Morris Day and how did Prince create him. Robin said he wrote their music. Howard asked if she knows that for sure. Robin said as she knows it that's the way it was. Howard said that guy is a great entertainer. He said he should do the Super Bowl. He said forget J-Lo and Shakira. He said Morris Day is the way to go.
Howard said the Foo Fighters did ''Darling Nikki'' which was great too. He said the only thing he would have done was having Adam Levine covering Purple Rain on the special. He said someone did cover it. He said she was good but he likes the way Adam does it.
Gary said Prince had a clause in his contract to put out an album and he did that with Morris Day. Howard said he loves when Fred plays the clip of Gary clearing his throat. Gary said sometimes Howard will just say his name and Fred plays it. Howard said he thinks Gary would enjoy this special. Gary said he has met Morris Day. He said he was at a party he went to.
Howard asked how great Prince was that he wrote all of these songs for Morris Day. He said he's not sure why he was always at odds with his record company. He said they say he wanted creative freedom but he's not sure how he didn't have it.
Howard said Gary is doing something annoying. He said he's working on a family tree project. Gary said Howard interviewed his parents. Howard said he did that for the kids. He said he figured they'd never know the story of his parents so he had them recorded. Gary said that's the way he feels. He said there are family members he's trying to gather information on. Howard said it's just annoying when Gary does it. Gary said he's not sure why Howard is annoyed by that. Howard said he isn't either. Fred did his Gary puppet impression and had him talking about his family members. Howard asked if he has any famous family. Gary Puppet had a few that he named. He had Gary laughing at his stories.
Howard asked how far Gary is into this project. Gary said he's gotten back to his great, great grandfather so far. He said he lives there in Connecticut and he fond out that his great grandfather lived just a few miles from where he is now. Robin said she can't wait for the book. Gary said this is just interesting to him. He said there won't be a book.
Howard asked if he's wasted. Gary said he is drunk. He said he's not walking into walls or anything. He said it's relaxing him. He said last weekend he had a bad weekend. He said he was borderline depressed. He was bummed out about a lot of stuff and didn't want to go out. He said he never gets like that and it was really upsetting to him. Howard said he's getting that way too. Gary said there is no future from what he can see. He said he's not craving parties and stuff. He said for him it's wondering if he'll see certain people ever again. Howard said he gets that.
Howard said he doesn't miss commuting and going into the city. He said that's okay but then he goes for a walk and gets irritable and it might be depression. He said he's not sure if it's that or what. He said he's okay but there's something off. He said he and his kids will Zoom and he doesn't think he'll ever see his daughter who lives in California. He said it's just weird. He said Zoom is fine but everything is depressing and weird. He said some parts of this he's fine with.
Howard asked if Gary thinks he's drinking too much. Gary said he's looking forward to it. He said he gets drunk and he's happy when he's drunk. Howard asked if he could stop drinking for the next month. Gary said yes but he doesn't want to. Howard told him the test is to stop drinking and see if you can do it for a month.
Howard said he's built for quarantine. He said he's happy being alone. He said Gary is a social animal. He said he loves to talk.
Gary said on Saturday it was a really nice day. He said he was out riding his bike and he came home kind of lethargic and out of sorts. He said he just felt shitty and laid on the couch for a while.
Fred did more of his Gary Puppet thing and had him talking about the things he's going to miss like his Plantain bucket at the office. Gary said he really doesn't miss going into the office at all.
Howard said he stopped drinking a while back. He said Gary is drinking a lot of alcohol. He said he used to have a couple of drinks in a night and his doctor thought it was a lot. Gary said it's just slightly more than he was drinking. He said it's not that much more. He said the weirder part is seeing the empty bottles. He said when you go out you don't see them. Howard asked if Mary is drinking. Gary said not as much as he is. He said she has some wine and that's about it.
Howard told Gary to pour his bottle of Scotch down the sink. Gary said no way. He said he'd rather give it away. Howard asked how much chocolate he's eating. Gary said it's the regular amount of chocolate. He said chocolate chips are hard to find these days though. Robin said she hopes this is okay. Gary said he's alright. Howard said he's hitting the booze really hard. He said they have to worry about him. Gary said he feels better now. He said whatever he felt on Saturday was momentary.
Howard said Gary took a weed bath bomb. Gary said he has knee trouble and he was supposed to go to a Dr. Sarno discussion that got canceled. He said they're not doing it now. He said he got more pain from sitting on the bar stools and now he has pain going up his left hip. Howard told him to get Dr. Sarno's book and start reading it. He said read it over and over again and he'll get help. Howard told him to back off the drinking too.
Howard said Richard Christy said that a lot of the staff is drinking a lot. Gary said he sees it in the Zoom hang outs they do. He said Richard has cases of beer delivered to him. He said everyone is showing off their drinks. He said everyone likes to drink. Gary Puppet said that the liquor store guy calls him Baba Boozey.
Gary said he calls the liquor store guy and has him bring his stuff out to his car. He said he leaves it in the garage for a few days and then cleans it before drinking it.
Robin said at least he has the jigsaw puzzles. Gary said he was kicked out of it. He said Mary said he was a puzzle hog and made him stop doing them. Howard said he's never heard of that. Gary said she kicked him out.
Howard said that Chris Wilding told him he drinks every night now. He said he's hitting the sauce pretty heavy. He said maybe he should try puzzles. Chris got on and said he's drinking every night. He said it depends on what he's doing but he has at least 2 or 3 a night. He said that's not normal for him. He said he would go out and drink but this whole thing made him angry.
Howard said just watch the Prince special. He said Maya Rudolph is really good on it. Robin asked what people have to do to preserve their mental health. Howard said get a little less mental. He said he's not sure how to do that but that would cure everything. He said he has to take a break. He said JD is drinking a lot and Richard's alcohol bill is like $300 a week. He said Jason is smoking an immense amount of weed. He asked how much that is. Jason said it's probably double what he was doing before. He said maybe half an ounce of weed. Howard asked how much an ounce is. Jason said it's about 350. Howard said he used to get an ounce for like 40 bucks. Jason said his guy usually charges 400 an ounce but he buys so much that he gets a discount.
Howard asked how he gets his weed. Jason said he drives to the guy, leaves the money in the trunk and the guy gives him the weed. He said there's no contact.
Howard asked Richard about his booze bill. Richard said it's about 300 bucks every couple of weeks. He said he can show some of it to him if he wants. He showed it and Robin said it looks like a store. Howard said he has crates of alcohol in there. Richard went through some of the stuff he has. Howard laughed when he saw how much he had. Howard said how about a Zoom intervention right now. Richard said they're scary times so you have to do something. Howard said he needs rehab. Robin said she has a friend in the rehab business and they're not getting a lot of people coming in.
Richard said he can take his anal temperature while they're with him if he wants. Robin asked why they would need to do that. Howard said he's going to pass on it. He said no offense. He said High Pitch Erik wants to get on Zoom and fuck the Chris Wilding picture. He said that might be enough for the male nudity for the day. Howard said he's going to take a break.
Howard came back and said when you write a song like this you're touched by God. He let the song play for a few seconds before getting to some calls.
Howard took a call from Pocket who asked what it is about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame that makes musicians act so weird. Howard said it was very important to Jon Bon Jovi. He said that he wanted him to induct him and it meant a lot to him. Howard said he thinks it's all bullshit. He said he's in the radio hall of fame but what does that mean?
Howard said he doesn't know the allure of the hall of fame. He said if he was anyone in the big bands he wouldn't give two shits about it. He said to have people respond to your songs and have people adore you, that's enough for him. He said he doesn't need the hall of fame. The caller asked if they have any credibility. Howard said the musicians have bought into it. He said it promotes the industry. He said that it's a way to create interest in their music. He said he hopes none of the artists put too much thought into the hall of fame.
Howard said he sees that Robin isn't there on camera. He said he hopes she's just shitting and not having a problem with her foot. He said she did fall yesterday. He said if it's doody that takes time to clean up. He said he hopes it's nothing else.
Howard said Robin is back. He said she's in real pain. Robin got back on and said that it takes her a long time to get anywhere. Howard said she must have broken her foot. Robin said she told him that. Howard said he was hoping she wasn't on the floor. Robin said she just had a walker brought to her. She said they're trying to find her medical supplies now. Howard said if she goes to the doctor she has to wear a HazMat suit. Robin said she just needs rest and ice.
Howard took a call from a guy who said ''Hit 'em with the Mac-Hine'' and asked if that's funny. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said there's a guy trying to get divorced and he's seeing this woman on the side. He said he isn't happy in the marriage and he's having this affair. He said now Coronavirus comes and suddenly he locks down with his wife. He said he was just about to get a divorce and now he can't. He said the girlfriend is out there and he's madly in love with her. He asked if you can imagine that. He said it must be going on like crazy out there. Robin said it could be. She said now the girlfriend finds out how important she really is. Howard said the guy is probably unable to get out of the marriage and go to a new home. Robin said you'd think he'd move in with the girlfriend. Howard said maybe the place isn't that nice. He said the stakes are really high.
Howard got fake Biden on the phone and Joe called him Jimmy. He said he's glad he's not on his Carpool Karaoke show.
Howard asked Joe how he thinks Trump is handling all of this. Joe had some comments on how he thinks Trump has no business running a country.
Howard said it has to be tough campaigning during quarantine. Joe said they're reaching out to the young people and just created a Myspace page. Howard said forget the campaign and just run the country from his house immediately. Joe said that's what they need.
Howard said Joe is looking at a female running mate. Joe said he has chosen Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate. Howard said she ran with Walter Mondale and died in 2011. Joe said he just had lunch with her 2 months ago.
Howard asked Joe about the allegations against him. Joe said they're false and he's always supported rights for broads. Howard asked how he's going to handle the debates with Donald Trump. Joe said he's going to do what he did growing up and give him a knuckle sandwich if he has to.
Fake Joe was making a lot of mistakes about the things he was talking about. He was saying that they have to support Hillary Clinton so get out there and vote. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard asked him to say something intelligent. King said people get mad at you when you already know shit. He said he's used to that. King said the problem with being depressed and feeling down is not so much Coronavirus but Howard hopes that everyone is going to act like him and it's driving him crazy. He said that's how the world is. Howard said the problem is that the Vice President is walking around without a mask. He said he wears one himself to protect others. He said he wants others to do the same. He said there are too many mother fuckers out there not masking.
King said Howard is right about that part but what he wants bleeds into everything. He said he can't have that. He said he wants Gary to stop drinking but that's not going to happen. He asked what else Gary has to do. Howard said what if he's a full blown alcoholic when this is over. Howard said its enough of King. He hung up on him.
Howard said Alex Jones was talking about how he was going to eat his neighbors if things got bad enough during this pandemic. He said he thinks he was joking about it but people got upset. Robin laughed when she head the story. Howard said people are attacking the guy but that's just stupid and funny. He said he believes that he was joking. Howard played a clip from Alex's show where he talked about eating his neighbors. Howard laughed as he listened to it. Robin said that's so funny. Howard said people are really upset with him over that. Robin said they're bored and have nothing else to do.
Howard said he thinks the guy isn't going straight to cannibalism. He said someone was saying you might want to move if you live next door to Alex Jones. Howard said Alex clarified for the courts that he was joking. He said then he said he would cut up the neighbors and tell the kids that it's animals.
Howard asked if his voice hurts talking like that. He said the guy did say that Sandy Hook didn't happen. He said maybe he wasn't joking. He said he knows there's some kind of lawsuit going on about Sandy Hook.
Howard had more audio of Alex Jones talking about his comments on another show at InfoWars.
Howard said he's not sure how anyone knows what he's talking about over there. He said Alex wants to clarify his comments. He had Fake Alex Jones on the phone to do that. Howard let fake Alex give his thoughts about what he's really going to do his neighbors when things get bad. Howard said these clips are crazy. He said he seems to make up a lot of stuff on that show. Alex rambled on a little bit more about Howard. He said they have a guest there with them now. He had George Soros with him but the audio wasn't very good so he told him to call him back. Howard let Alex go a short time later.
Howard said Michael Rapaport left a voicemail about the phone sex with Erik and Chris. He said he wasn't a fan. Howard played a clip of Michael talking about that in his voicemail. He was calling Chris a four eyed freak and said he's a sick fuck. He said he doesn't want to hear that stuff first thing in the morning.
Howard read some fan feedback about High Pitch Erik and what's going on with him. He said everyone is confused by High Pitch Erik. He said he'll have Shuli come in on this. Shuli said he's excited to have Howard see Erik's lair.
Howard said Shuli doesn't look like himself. He said he has hair now. He said it's dark too. He asked if he colors it. Shuli said no.
Howard had the guys get Erik on Zoom for him. He said he's upside down in this thing. He said he's fatter than ever. He was laying on his bed like a seal. Howard asked why he's sideways. Erik said they told him to do that. Shuli said it was fine earlier so put it back. Erik did that and got it right.
Howard said Erik claims he's not gay and he has never had gay sex. He said he always fantasizes about men though. He said he thinks about celebrities, cops, fire fighters and weather men.
Shuli had Erik talk about the sandwich he had yesterday. He had peanut butter and jell on whole wheat bread. He thinks that's good for you. Erik was talking about some other stuff he had to eat and Howard was asking him about why he has to eat so much. Erik said it wasn't that much. Shuli said his apartment looks like a Bodega with all of the food he has in there.
Howard asked Erik what he has going on there. He had a Flat Ronnie with a Chris Wilding photo pasted to the head. Howard asked what he's going to do to it. Erik said he's going to have sex with Chris right now. He went right into it and started showing what he would do to Chris if he was there. Shuli said they had him testing out the camera yesterday and he put his leg on the Flat Ronnie and it broke it.
Howard said Erik is never gentle with the Chris stuff. He said he's always talking about fucking it hard and stuff. Erik put his leg over the Chris puppet and started talking really dirty to it.
Howard asked what Erik has on his legs. Erik said he's had them since he was a kid. He said they're his veins right there. Robin said he has varicose veins. Erik said he has a stash of candy there so he doesn't have to leave his room in the middle of the night.
Howard said Erik has a ton of food in there. Shuli said he has brand new appliances in the apartment. He said he has a medical bed and the cheapest ones start at $8-900. He said he has a new fridge and a new oven that was 800 bucks.
Howard asked where his police and Donnie Wahlberg stuff is. Erik showed Howard where all of this stuff is. He had a fake gun in there and he said he never takes it out anymore.
Howard asked Shuli to tell them what he wants to show them. Shuli had Erik move so they could see the candy he has hidden in his bedroom. Erik rattled off a bunch of the stuff he has in there. Howard said he's never going to lose weight. Erik said he's depressed and he wants to eat when he's depressed. Howard said he went through surgery to lose eight and now he's back to eating right through it. Erik used his camera to show off his apartment. He said this is where he works. He showed the bathroom and the bidet toilet and all of that. Howard wanted to see him shoot water up his ass. Erik said he can't do it because he's not shitting. Howard had him do it anyway. Erik did it and shot the water up his ass. Erik said he has a massager to massage his ass too.
Shuli told Erik to go to his fridge. Erik went in and showed what he has in there. Howard said he has a lot of expensive gear in his apartment. Erik said he has a pressure washer to wash his truck. Howard said that's exercise at least. Shuli said he doesn't drive it though.
Erik showed Howard what's in his freezer. Howard saw some M&M's ice cream. Erik said he has Ben & Jerry's too. Howard asked what he's doing. Erik showed off the Gardein stuff he had in his freezer. Howard had him do a plug for them since they're the show sponsor.
Howard asked to see what's in the fridge. Erik showed some stuff in there. Shuli said you have to see the pantry too. Erik went through the stuff in the refrigerator. Howard said this is like when he watches My 600 Pound Life. He said they send a nutritionist to their house and everything in there is high caloric and completely unhealthy. He said they have no idea this is why they're getting fat. He said this is not a guy trying to lose weight. He said he got his stomach stapled and this is what he's eating.
Shuli pointed out some packs of Oreos he had in the pantry. He had tons of soda in there too. Howard asked how the doctor rationalized giving him the stomach surgery. He said this is depressing. Erik was going through more stuff that he had in there. He showed off his cigar stash. Shuli said he had like 4 cigars yesterday and he drinks a ton and then can't imagine why he can't fall asleep.
Howard asked what he paid for that stove. Erik said it was 800 dollars. Robin asked what the punching bag is for. Erik said he takes out his anger on it. Howard said he likes that.
Howard said they were supposed to see Erik fucking the cardboard cutout. He said they did see that. He said it was weird. He said they got a tour of his apartment and it appears that he's making money from Cameo and he's buying every top of the line appliance. He said it's all crammed into this small apartment. Erik showed that he has propane tanks so he can sit outside and heat himself up outside.
Shuli said he has one other item. He asked him to show where his pill box is. Erik showed that and Howard said ''Oh my god.'' Shuli said it looks like it's the size for a whole wing of a hospital. Erik said he takes 15 pills a day. Howard had him go through some of that. He had a row for morning, afternoon, early evening and night. Shuli said it looks like a tackle box. Howard said that's what it is. He said Amy Winehouse took less pills.
Erik said he loves the police so much that he ordered this online. He had a little police car. Robin asked where he puts that. Erik said he keeps it on a shelf. He showed his Playstation, TV and more. Shuli said he has 3 TVs. Howard said they're expensive TVs too. Shuli said he has two so he can watch two shows at the same time. Erik said he watches different news channels to see who is telling the truth or not. Howard asked who tells the truth generally. Erik said he watches CNN and FOX and he thinks CNN is more truthful than FOX News.
Howard asked where his police badges are. Erik showed off some of those. Howard said he has learned that he has an apartment full of food an appliances. He said other than that he has a bed. Erik said he and Shuli are going to play video games together. He said that will probably be tonight. Howard said this has been very informative and depressing. Erik said Jeff the Drunk is going to be jealous of this. Shuli said Erik loves to make fun of Jeff.
Howard said the tax payers are very angry over this he's sure. Erik said he's going to make some Gardein burgers tonight. Howard said wash them down with some Oreos. Erik said he has some water there to drink too. Howard said he's on his way... to what he doesn't know.
Howard asked how often they were making love before this. She said every other week. Howard said this is why we're doomed. He said no one is staying home.
Pauline said that his house was on super lock down and he did sneak off midway to meet her. She said he has a small child at home and another person too. Howard said chances are he's going to bring home Coronavirus. Robin said this is crazy. Howard thanked her for sharing that with them. Pauline said she's a huge fan. Howard let her go before she could finish that.
Howard said he thinks that he has to call it a day. He thanked Whoopi Goldberg for calling in. He said tomorrow they'll get an update from Dr. Agus.
Howard took a call from a guy who was angry at Erik about everything he just heard. He said Erik has no worries while everyone else is worrying. Howard hung up on him as he was about to say something. Howard told him to call back. He got in some plugs for Gardein and talked about how they'll talk to Dr. Agus tomorrow. He said he's going to ask what's going on. Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Howard said Robin is essential to him so she's one of those essential employees. He sang to her and said he's glad that she's feeling better. He said good for her doing the right things. Robin said she's upset about it but she feels better. Howard said he's angry that people wont practice social distancing the right way and she had to move out of the way. He said no more tap dancing either. Robin said she's given that up. She said it was fun but she did give it up.
Howard said he's going to start the show with a phony phone call. He said they take Donald Trump's voice and speed it up so he sounds like a kid. He said what they do is find him being interviewed and speed it up so he becomes Little Donnie. He said they called a pro-Trump internet radio show.
Howard played the call and in it Sal says his little son is a Trump fan and he watches him all day. He put him on the line to talk politics with the hosts. They had Little Donnie talking about being a stable genius and agreeing with all of the hosts thoughts on democrats. The host of the show said this is the way we should all be raising our kids after hearing his comments.
Howard said it's good that the 7 year old wants to grab 'em by the pussy. Robin said that was hysterical.
Howard said he found it odd that the President was walking around without a mask at a mask making company. He said they think we should be wearing masks. He said that the plan to just let people who will die, die is the plan. He said that's what the President wants to do. He said at least he's walking around without a mask. He said then he found out that everyone was tested before he walked around. Robin said no one else is being protected like that. She said no one is getting tests around Howard.
Howard said we are third world now. He said South Korea was on top of it right away. He said they're opening up and having baseball games. He said they're airing them on TV so we're watching them now.
Howard said people think the President has a good plan. He said there is no plan though. Robin said he's closing the task force because he doesn't want to hear what anyone has to say. Howard said there are no fans in South Korea at the games. He said they just put pictures of fans in the stands. He said it's crazy.
Howard said our government isn't interested in coming up with a plan to stop this. He said that they just fire competent people left an right. He said we're a nation of idiots. He said it's great.
Howard said his mother grew up during World War II and she's confused about what's going on. He said we used to honor excellence. He said this is crazy. He said he's the opposite of Trump and won't even fire incompetent people. He said Trump fires only the competent people. He said he can't wrap his mind around this. He said he doesn't want to talk about politics but he can't sleep at night because of this. He said he thinks this is the bizarro world. He said people actually want to vote for this guy again. He said there was a guy who said they could stop this virus and they fired the guy for opening his mouth. He said people are okay with that. Howard said the guy warned us about the virus and he was fired. He said the same guy who fired that guy is saying we have to open up the country. He said he can't be the only one freaking out by the way this government is being run. He said he doesn't even know what to say.
Howard said people call in and complain about him talking about this. He said they fired the guy who knew something and keeping all the dummies who don't know anything.
Howard said there's a weird movement of guys who get dressed up and walk around with guns. He said they're screaming they want the country reopened. He said now he hears the people in Michigan have to walk around with bullet proof vests. He said it's a weird thing to walk around in military outfits who have never served. He said if you want to wear that stuff then join the military. He said most of these people have never trained with guns and they walk around like this. He said they're going to end up shooting each other or us.
Howard said he wants to know who is hiring these people who dress up like that. He said you lose a sense of time and he was thinking it was Halloween. He said then he realized it's May and it's not Halloween. Howard asked what kind of douche bag dresses up like that. He said join the Army and he'll worship you. He said he doesn't know why they wear army uniforms. He said just dress up like Batman. Robin said they're a Militia and they have their own army. Howard said don't send them any money from New York tax payers.
Howard said he's not sure what they're protesting. Robin said they're protesting their right to go to work. Howard said it must be at McDonald's. He said if you're going to dress up then just dress up like a woman you pussy.
Howard said then our president tweeted encouragement to liberate the states. Robin said he's activating the lunatic fringe. Howard said he's going to buy a Darth Nihilus uniform and walk around in that. Howard said if you have balls then go work in a grocery store or a hospital. He said he hates guys who act like they're in the military and they're not. He said it's called Stolen Valor. He said he has such respect for guys who have served. He said they're so brave and humble. He said they have respect for the uniform. Then he sees these guys walking around in these uniforms. Robin said Michael Jackson used to wear stuff like that. Howard did his Michael Jackson impression talking about his uniform.
Howard said these guys are usually wearing a Domino's pizza delivery uniform. He said get some balls and go work in a food bank or something like that. He said they're all walking around with a huge gut too. He said this is crazy.
Howard said people in the real military will laugh at these dicks. He said that's the state of the country and it's not good. He said he's miserable and angry about it.
Howard said what else is sad is that he thinks they had a lot of good politicians on both sides but the republicans decided not to run again. He said this is all nonsense and they had better stop drinking the Kool-Aid.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a disabled veteran and seeing this shit happening in Michigan is showing they don't know what's going on. He said they're trying to protect these people. Howard said he's not as brave as this caller. He said these guys out there are macho posing and they're faux military. He said they buy stuff to make it look like they're in the military.
The caller said that he loved his time in the military. He said they were all awesome. Howard said real military men would not put up with this shit.
Howard took a call from fake Hillary Clinton who was calling in from quarantine. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about what she's up to. Hillary talked about being locked up with Bill all the time. Howard said this virus was almost her problem.
Howard asked how Bill is doing. She said he's cleaning the bathroom. He got on the line for a second and she told him to clean it better. She was yelling at him to do his chores at the house. Hillary was asking for her strawberries. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to make a comment about the people in Michigan. He said he doesn't agree on them with the military outfits and guns but these people out there are being locked down and it's just getting worse. He said people are losing their houses and people are committing suicide. Howard said this is a horrible situation but they have to start thinking and stop walking around wanting to open the country. He said Trump was told about this in January and he ignored the warnings. He said we could have been like South Korea if they had listened. He said now we're in shit fuck city. The caller said everyone is hurting. Howard said this is a disaster that could have been avoided. The caller said they wanted to lock down travel to and from China. Howard said here was a government agency that would have handled it but this administration got rid of it. He said stop saying ''fake news'' all the time. Howard said the response from this administration has been horrible. He said the president was warned about it and they ignored it. He asked what the plan is. He said there isn't one. He said they want you to risk getting it and if you die you die. He said that's their plan.
The caller asked where he gets his information. Howard said he gets it from the NY Times. He said if you don't believe that then you've drunk the Kool-Aid. Howard said people are getting their news from Alex Jones who is doing an entertainment show. He said that's not the real news. He said that the NY Times is not fake news. Robin said the caller said that this is all so negative. Howard said maybe everything is negative.
Howard said the White House said that by June 3000 people a day will die from COVID-19. He said that they want to open the country and just let people keep dying. He said we're in big trouble and he can't open your eyes. He said he wants a separate country from them. Robin said to go and protest with guns, what's that all about. The caller said he's not sure why they did that. He said people in Illinois are doing the same thing. He said they're not eating. Howard said the reason things aren't open is because we don't have a leader. He said they can't get that in their small brains. He asked where the real patriots are in the republican party.
Howard said he's there to keep people entertained but he'd feel irresponsible if he didn't mention this. He said every death represents someone dying alone. He said yesterday the president was tweeting at Jimmy Kimmel about him having low ratings. He said this is what the guy is worried about. He said he has to be fucking kidding. He said Jimmy tweeted back at him and said that his ratings are low and the President can go back to fucking up the country now.
Howard said the caller can go read whatever he has to. He said he'll read what he has to. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he's not sure why people have such trouble figuring out what's real news. Robin said this is just the way things are. She said people aren't that bright. Howard said the President shouldn't even know who Jimmy Kimmel is.
Howard said there's an anti-intellectualism in this country and he hasn't seen it since before World War II.
Howard said it's insane what's going on. He said he knows people don't tune in to hear this kind of stuff. He said they have to go back to looking up updates on Bigfoot and Wendy or something.
Howard said it's hard to get away from talking about this. He said he starts his fucking show from his basement so it's hard to avoid. He said it's obvious that you have to talk about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has listened to the show for about 30 years. Howard said he has to get to a Bigfoot and Wendy update and read some fan feedback after this caller. Howard said his show isn't about politics but he has to talk about it from time to time.
The caller said that he knows that Howard says he's a republican but his views are on the left pretty often. Howard said he takes a lot of shit about his views on the second amendment from his friends. He said that what he's talking about here has nothing to do with being republican or democrat. Howard said he considers himself an independent. He said he helped put Governor Pataki in office and he was a conservative republican. He said this has nothing to do with that. He said that this is a bizarre response to a pandemic that he can possibly imagine.
Howard said if they ran SiriusXM like the government is being run they'd be bankrupt. The caller said that's why we have to get back to work. Howard said if we do that then people are going to be dropping dead. The caller said we have to monitor all of this. Robin said they can't do that without tests. She said there are no tests out there. Howard said they have to end this conversation.
Howard said people wrote in about Gary's drinking. He had people who were upset about that. Howard said Michael Rapaport is disgusted by his drinking. Gary said Michael hasn't gotten air time in 2 days so he's about to disintegrate. Howard played a voicemail from Rapaport where he went off on Gary about his drinking.
Gary responded to the voicemail and said that he's not drinking every night. He said he didn't say he has a drinking problem either. He said Howard said it. Robin wondered if he will keep drinking the way he is now after the pandemic. Gary said lets get there and find out.
Howard said Gary has a problem and he won't give up drinking. Gary said he can't give up chocolate for a month either. Howard said he has a problem then. Robin said Howard can't give up exercising for a month. Howard said it's good for you though. He said the comparison doesn't make sense. Howard said he doesn't do it for his looks, he does it for his heart. Gary said Howard is obsessed about his weight. Howard said he wants to fit in his clothes and be healthy. He said you're not drinking to exercise. Gary said Howard's obsession with that is unhealthy. Howard said he wants to live. He said the things they're talking about aren't negative to his life. Gary said he's not an alcoholic. Howard said they don't know that. Gary said he's drinking maybe 4 night a week. He said it's not every day. Howard asked if he's drunk right now. He said he'd addicted to wanting to live. He said he's mentally ill and working with a psychiatrist. He said he's working at it at least. Gary said if he spent 20 years building a house then you'd fire the guy if he took that long. Howard said there is no prescribed way of doing this.
Howard said he has a problem and he acknowledges that. He said Gary isn't. He said Gary is drinking too much. Gary said that's too much for Howard. He said that he's only drinking 3 nights a week. He said he doesn't have a drink on any day that he's working. He said he's having maybe 6 drinks a week and he doesn't think a doctor would say that's excessive.
Howard said he heard he was drinking Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Gary said tomorrow is a work day. He said he won't drink. Howard said he's going to see how sharp he is tomorrow. Gary said if they were going into the office he'd be getting up at 5:30 in the morning. He said he wouldn't drink on that night.
Gary said he's drinking 5-6 drinks 3 nights in a row now. He said in the past it was less. Howard said that's what they were talking about yesterday. He said Gary is not slowing down on his drinking like he said he should. Gary said he never said he's drinking too much.
Jason said that he did say that he has to slow it down. He had notes from the show yesterday. Gary said he did say that he doesn't drink on Wednesday. He said he drinks Thursday through Saturday. He said he is drinking more but it's not a problem.
Gary Puppet got on and said a few words. Howard said even Jeff the Drunk was warning Gary about his drinking. Howard played a clip of Jeff saying it's way too excessive. He said it will lead to problems in his family life and his career. He said he thinks he should take a step back. Gary said what he gets from that is that if he drinks he'll end up in a trailer and be really boring.
Howard said he's just pointing out that Gary might have a problem. Gary Puppet joked a little more about the whole thing.
Howard said they got a lot of email about High Pitch Erik. He read through some of that. He said people are fed up with his lavish lifestyle. Howard said it's really not that lavish. Howard read some feedback about Erik from people who were upset to hear about the kind of money he's spending on the stuff in his apartment. Howard said he loved looking at Erik's apartment. He said it looks like a warehouse.
Howard read some fan feedback about Ronnie and the way he treats Stephanie. Howard said someone was upset with Ronnie for getting angry with her for cleaning the deck. Howard had some audio of Ronnie screaming at her in the Zoom meeting. Ronnie was yelling about her cleaning the deck. He said he's doing the cleaning so she doesn't have to do it. Stephanie was working up there and he was yelling at her about it.
Howard asked how romantic that is. He said this is their shtick. He said that there are some couples who think they have to fight as their thing. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's a great song. He said that's Weezer. He said they're talented boys there. He said the lead singer went to Harvard. Gary said his name is Rivers Cuomo.
Howard said Dr. Agus is with them. He said he's written like 3 best sellers. Dr. Agus said it is 3. Howard gave the names of his books. He also had a number to call to get regular updates from Dr. Agus. Howard said that he has great information.
Howard asked Dr. Agus a question about Gary's drinking. He said he's drinking 3 nights a week and having 5 or 6 drinks a night. Dr. Agus said 5 is a lot. He said when you drink it's a depressant and you wake up and get almost no REM sleep. He said that the weekend is to restore so he might want to cut back to 2 drinks. He said he thinks it would help him with his productivity.
Howard said he was told to cut back on drinking for a month and he knew it was too much in his life when he thought that was going to be hard. He said he thinks Gary has a problem. Robin said they have to ask Gary if he would have a problem. Dr. Agus said you have to get deep sleep and it's not good when you don't. Gary said he thinks 2 drinks is fine and he may not have any drinks one night.
Howard asked Dr. Agus where we're at with this Coronavirus. He asked if we're better off or worse. Dr. Agus said we're significantly better off. He said they have a drug that's helping with the Coronavirus. He said they're working on a vaccine that could be there by early fall. He said Remdesivir is the drug that's helping. He said if they have a vaccine they could be done for a while.
Howard asked if the vaccine would help with all flus. He asked if there's still a chance of getting Coronavirus. Dr. Agus said that the vaccine may be a yearly thing and you may need to get it to fight off the virus every year. He said the virus has spikes on it and the vaccines take a piece of the spike and they make you immune to it. He said it blocks the virus from getting in. He said that the university that's coming up with this is Oxford and they have experience with it.
Howard asked if this Remdesivir actually works. Dr. Agus said it does. Howard asked if he got this Coronavirus would he be able to get on it and get over this. Dr. Agus said that if you treat it earlier it has an even better effect. He said they are treating people who are very ill right now but eventually they can treat people earlier with it. He said hopefully they'll have several drugs soon that they can use to help earlier.
Howard asked why people are dying so much right now. Dr. Agus said the drug just came out last week. He said they just got it in pharmacies yesterday.
Howard said he saw that Dr. Agus said in his texting that South Korean patients were testing negative but then testing positive after two tests. He asked if that's what he was saying. Dr. Agus said 141 people tested negative twice and several weeks later they were positive. He said they thought it might be a new strain but it shows that it was just remnants of the virus that the immune system had chopped up. He said they didn't have real virus there so it was a false positive.
Dr. Agus said we still don't have a test for immunity yet. Howard asked if you're immune to this or not once you have it. Dr. Agus said they don't know for sure but he thinks that you will be immune for a period of time. He said in China they have a test for immunity. He said there is no evidence that you can be reinfected.
Howard asked why the virus is affecting people so differently. Dr. Agus said this is not known. He said it's a dastardly virus. He said that they don't know why some people have no symptoms and some end up on a ventilator. He said they don't know what it means yet.
Howard asked when he can eat a bat again. Dr. Agus said that some day he'll be able to do it.
Howard said they're predicting that 3000 people a day are going to die. He said he talks to Dr. Agus and he feels that's not the case. He said they have this Remdesivir so it should be helping. Dr. Agus said that this is going to go through the summer and they will hopefully have a vaccine by fall. He said if you're elderly or susceptible to this virus then you should stay home. He said he hopes that they don't spread it. Howard said they're saying that it's 3000 people a day by June who are going to die. Howard said it sounds like maybe by summer they can reopen the country in a meaningful way. He said the drugs they have might help.
Howard asked if he got COVID-19 right now and he called him would he tell him to get on Remdesivir right away or hold off because there might be side effects. Dr. Agus said if you don't have pre-existing conditions he'd just tell you to stay home. He said if you're in the hospital he might put him on the drug. He said he knows Howard will be able to pronounce Remdesivir by the end of the show.
Dr. Agus said that this virus causes leaking in the lungs and that's why they end up on ventilators. He said that's why we need a vaccine.
Dr. Agus also mentioned contact tracing so Robin asked what that is. Dr. Agus said that's a way of finding out who you have been near that shows you who you were in contact with so they can let them know and keep them from infecting others. He said it takes away some privacy but it may be necessary to help. He said to get over this you may have to give up some of that privacy.
Howard said he spent 45 minutes of the show talking about the lack of leadership in this country. He asked Dr. Agus what he thinks about this whistle blower who got fired by the White House. Dr. Agus said there's no black and white here. He said there are a lot of things going on here. He said Dr. Fauci didn't think it was going to be a problem. Dr. Agus said he didn't think there would be a problem because he thought we'd have testing. He said no one expected all of this to happen the way it did. Howard said Trump says that anyone can get a test but he knows that's horseshit. He said they're only testing essential workers. He said people who want tests aren't getting tested. He said there's a disconnect in Washington. He said it's all lies and baffling to him.
Dr. Agus said that it is kind of upsetting then you see the leader of the country not wearing a mask when there's a sign there saying please wear a mask. Howard said he's upset when he walks around and people aren't wearing masks. Dr. Agus said there are going to be mandatory requirements to do things like that. He said if you don't wear a mask you can hurt others. He said that's the argument. He said that's what we have to say.
Howard said he has Dr. Agus talking about wearing a mask and then you turn on the TV and Trump isn't wearing one. He said he's very stressed out by this. He said some of his fans are upset by him but you have to wake up.
Howard said he gets very stressed out when he goes outside to talk around. He asked if he has to go out. Dr. Agus said just sit outside in the back lawn. He said he doesn't want everything to be political. He said we have to work with him as a country. He said we have to make this work. He said it's not political. He said the virus doesn't care about politics. He said that we have to rise above that. Howard said he wants to do that but he sees these mixed messages from the President. He said Trump will say something and then Fauci or someone will say that what he said isn't true. He asked how you can't lose faith in what these guys are saying.
Dr. Agus said that they have great doctors like Fauci and Birx and they're doing their job. Howard said they might get fired for saying something against trump. He said that's what's upsetting to him.
Howard asked Dr. Agus about holding his breath while walking by someone who wasn't wearing a mask. Dr. Agus that's not a bad idea. He said you can do that. He said if you can walk 13 feet away from the guy that's great. Howard said it was a narrow road and the guy refused to move out of the way when he asked him to move. Dr. Agus asked if he could understand him. Howard said he gave him the universal sign to move out of the way.
Howard asked if there's really a chance of getting a vaccine by fall. Dr. Agus said yes. He said that if they work they could be out by fall. He said they're already starting production now so if they do work they'll be prepared to give it out to people. He explained how vaccines are created and how they've been doing testing on monkeys and it's working. He said that he's pretty confident on the safety of these vaccines. Howard said that makes him hopeful. He said he has a calming voice and he makes him feel more optimistic. He said if some kind of vaccine comes in the fall that's what they should hold on to.
Howard asked if this second wave is going to be something that will come. Dr. Agus said it may not be an all the way down tick. He said they're going to have outbreaks around the country and it will go on through the summer. He said when flu happens then it might be really overwhelming to the medical infrastructure. He said that's why they're hoping for the vaccine. He said this is a scary virus. He said it's hitting the globe and not just us.
Howard said what's scary to him is having a dental problem. He asked what you do. Dr. Agus said you call your dentist and get the work done. He said they're wearing masks and you're wearing a mask until you get work done. He said we're getting pretty good at treating the virus. He said there's a lot of elderly who are dying from this. He said the average person he's not so worried about.
Robin asked if she could have gotten an x-ray on her foot. Dr. Agus didn't know that she had hurt her foot. Robin told him what she did. She said it's better now. Dr. Agus said he wants her to get an X-ray if it still hurts. She said she can't walk on it now. She said she did walk home. Dr. Agus said that's good.
Howard said he goes for a walk and wears a mask. He asked if he can wear it multiple times. Dr. Agus said you can but it's best to have a cloth mask that you can wash every day. He said that he'd rather have that than the one he's wearing. Robin said you can make them out of underwear and things like that. Howard said he tried Robin's bra but it was too big.
Howard said he recommends that people get the text messages from Dr. Agus at (310) 299-9322. He said you get a text about the trends in health and he recommends his books too. Howard thanked Dr. Agus for checking in and let him go.
Howard said he likes to think that you can just take some Tylenol and get over this thing. Robin said that Chris Cuomo had some of the worst symptoms while he was fighting it. She said he never got to the shortness of breath thing. She said it's difficult for so many. Howard said there are people who just drop dead from it. Robin said you don't know how it's going to affect you.
Howard said he feels better after talking to Dr. Agus. Robin said she did see that they were testing people with the vaccine and they will know by July if it's working. She said that won't mean it's ready then. She said they'll know if it works and it'll be ready by fall.
Howard took a call from a woman who said when he's not on she listens to all of his shows on YouTube. She said he has gotten better looking with age. She asked if that's because he stopped eating meat. Howard said he hasn't gotten better looking. He said he has cameras lined up at a certain angle that makes him look human. He said any shift from that he doesn't look good. He said he has his Zoom camera about 3000 feet from his face so that helps.
Howard said the genes he got aren't good. He said no offense to his mother and father but you've seen them. He said that there was no way he was going to look like Bradley Cooper. He said he knew the moment he was conceived that it wasn't going to be an easy life with this face. He said he has a face for radio and a face for Zoom.
Howard said there were many lonely days with this face. He talked about how the doctor said he smiles like a mongoloid when he was born. He said that doctor is now with the Trump administration.
Howard said Bradley Cooper played the Elephant Man on Broadway. He said he asked him if he could play Howard Stern and he said people wouldn't buy him as Howard. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about how the doctor said he smiles like a mongoloid. Howard said he can't tell you how many times he heard that story being told. He said those two produced him and they joked about that. Howard said he should have gone from the womb to therapy. He said back then they didn't believe in therapy.
Howard said he asked his father for therapy and he shook his fist in front of his face and said ''Here's your psychiatrist.'' He said he straightened right out after that.
Howard asked if you can imagine some doctor saying something like that today. He said he wouldn't last a minute. Howard said he had to overcome adversity from the day he was born. He said they said he smiled like a retarded person. He said it's not even a retarded person, it's a mongoloid. Robin said they have a look that's kind of frozen. Howard said they could have said he looks like Frankenstein and that would have been nicer. The caller said it says that a mongoloid is a person with Down Syndrome. Howard said it's like the doctor told his mother he has nothing to be happy about so why is he smiling?
Howard said his mother signed him up for the special Olympics when he was 7. Howard did his impression of his parents telling that story about the doctor and laughing at it. Howard said it was like he was the enemy.
Howard said his parents were like a comedy duo at his expense. He said back then they said he'd be fine eating paint chips since he already looked like a mongoloid. Howard said he can trick you on TV with his angles. He said if you saw him in person you'd see how he really looks. Robin said she has seen him and he's fine. Howard said she got cancer from looking at him too much.
Howard said he has a lot of stories from his childhood. He had his mother talking about how he was a mama's boy. Robin said this was some childhood. Howard said he's not too thrilled about it. Robin asked if he had any good days. Howard said when he went away to sleep away camp. He said he asked them not to visit him there on visiting day. He said he wrote to his parents asking them not to show up. He said one year they listened to him and didn't come. He said he acted like an orphan and it was the happiest day of his life.
Howard did his impression of his mother telling him how to take care of himself in his room even when he was scared of his puppet attacking him. He said he had a dream that the dummy was attacking him. He said he woke up and found a spider on his pillow. He said he didn't say a word to his mother. Howard said he was jealous of Superman because his parents sent him off to another planet and they blew up with Krypton. He said what a great way to grow up.
Howard said everything's just fine. He thanked the caller, Ann, for bringing it up. She said that most people get upset about getting older but Howard has gone the opposite. Howard said he can't tell you how wonderful it is. He said he used to say to his parents that he wishes that he was raised by the Kent family in Iowa.
Howard said he overcame a lot and he's proud of that. Robin said he still has a lot to overcome. Howard said in 10 years time he'll be a new man. Howard said he'll be Brad Pitt by the time he's 90. He said he just has to live long enough. The caller said Robin is beautiful too. Howard let Ann go a short time later.
Howard came back and said he only has 3 options for lunch. He said he makes 3 things for lunch and alternates them. He said as soon as he's off the air he makes it. He said it's all he can think about.
Howard got Wolfie on the line to talk about Bigfoot and Wendy. Howard asked how he got a hold of Bigfoot. Wolfie said he did an embedded with him a few years ago. He said he called his phone and got in touch with him. Howard said people will be interested in this.
Howard said Wolfie called Bigfoot last week to find out how he's doing during these times. He said Bigfoot is quarantined with spiders. He said he thinks that it's not spiders but something else. Wolfie said he agrees. He said it might be bedbugs. He said when he did the embedded with him the living room was covered in spider webs. He said it's a tough call.
Wolfie said that the spiders are apparently intelligent because they follow him from room to room from what he says. He said there are thousands in there too.
Howard played a clip where Bigfoot talked to Wolfie about dealing with the spider bites he gets in his house. He said that's the toughest part of the quarantine. Bigfoot said his house is covered in webs and spiders. He said he has about 50-60 bites all over his body. Wolfie asked if he bleeds from scratching. Bigfoot said yes.
Howard said if he lived there he'd knock down the webs. He said it's not that hard. Robin said you have to leave them alone a long time to get to that level. Howard said it's crazy. He said he's been bitten hundreds of times and no super powers yet.
Howard said imagine he does get super powers. He said then he'd be in charge of the whole world.
Howard said Wolfie asked Bigfoot what he does with his scabs when he scratches them off. Howard played a clip of Bigfoot saying he throws them on the floor.
Howard said Bigfoot is having trouble finding toilet paper so he had a suggestion for what people can do. Bigfoot said use coffee filters. He said it's paper so you can use 3 or 4 to wipe with. Howard said he doesn't know of any shortage of those.
Howard said he's sure he doesn't use toilet paper to begin with. He said he probably used filers all along. Wolfie said that his bathroom floor is covered in shit stained towels.
Howard said Bigfoot has some Coronavirus tips. He played a clip where Bigfoot said that you should smoke pot and drink coffee because it washes it right out of your stomach. He said it washes cancer out of your body too. He said he learned about that from experimenting on himself.
Howard played a clip of Bigfoot saying that the Coronavirus came from Iran. Wolfie asked how it got there. Bigfoot said Iran sent the missiles to China and then it moved across the ocean to here. Wolfie had to help him with the word ''ocean'' when he drew a blank.
Howard asked Wolfie how he's handling this quarantine. Wolfie said he is quarantining and his company had a layoff so he's trapped at home with his family. He said he's doing fantastic. He said his company is in the travel business. Howard asked if he's going to be alright. Wolfie said they have savings so he thinks he's better off than most.
Howard said he loves to hear about Wendy the Slow Adult. He said she has to be going nuts. He said she likes to be social and go out. He said Wolfie checked in with her. He said she's been confined to a wheelchair since her accident. He said she's living at home and she can't wash her hands due to her wheelchair not fitting into the bathroom. Howard played a clip of Wendy talking about how she uses wipes to wash her hands. She can't get into the bathroom with her wheelchair. Howard said she has a potty chair in her bedroom. He said he's not sure how that all works. He said her mom can't be with her all the time so it must just sit there.
Howard said he heard Wendy got a new cat that refuses to use the litter box. He said they have cats and they all use it. He said they change the litter all the time though. Wolfie said it sounds like the cat is shitting and pissing everywhere. Howard said he can tell you that she's not cleaning it and the cat is confused.
Howard said Wolfie spoke to Wendy's mom and she said she'll watch the same movie up to 6 times a day. Howard played a clip of Wendy's mom talking about how it drives her insane. She said she hears screams all night long in her room and she has to sneak in and turn it down and go back to bed. Wolfie said she's been on a Ghostbusters watching binge lately.
Howard said Wendy's mom takes her to the grocery store and Wendy gets upset that she's limited on the number of things that she can buy. Howard had a clip of Wendy's mom talking about their shopping trips.
Howard had a clip of Wendy asking him for money. Wolfie asked what she needs and Wendy said her mom is hoping she'll get some money for her birthday so she can go out and celebrate. She was hoping for another 2 grand like he gave her around Christmas time. Howard said she's like a pigeon. He said you feed her and she won't leave you alone. Wolfie said she can draw you in because he already bought her a birthday card. Howard thanked Wolfie for the updates. He said he's sorry about his job. He thanked him and let him go. He said he's making Shuli look bad. He said he's supposed to be checking in on people. Shuli said Wolfie would leave his family today to visit Bigfoot today because he hates being around his family so much. He said he heard from a cop who saw Bigfoot on the street. He said he asked him if he would give him his phone so he could talk to him. He said the guy asked if he would give him his phone.
Shuli said he's busy with a lot of Wack Packers. He said he's got High Pitch Erik and High Register Sean and Underdog. Howard asked how Underdog is doing. Shuli said that Underdog is good some days and on others she seems to think we're doomed and this is a message from God.
Shuli said he has updates on all of these guys for next week. Howard said that's good because Wolfie is willing to go out and risk his life to get these reports. He said he will abandon his whole family for the show. Shuli said he gets it. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard asked how she's doing. Kristin said she's good. She said she gets bummed out sometimes but overall it's pretty good. Howard said he has notes about them. He said Kristin complains about Richard not picking up after himself. He said that has to be frustrating. He said he won't even cut anything in the kitchen because his wife is doing so much to clean. He said Richard leaves empty bags of chips all over and it's attracting ants. He also leaves bottles of beer around and it leaves sticky stuff around. Howard said she complains about it but it's just a drain.
Kristin said she's a stay at home wife now and she worked before that. She said she just picks up everything after their kid but it's Richard too. She said he'll watch the Chiefs super bowl for the 5000th time and there are chips just sitting there. She said it's frustrating.
Howard asked where Richard is. He had him get on. Kristin said he's watching Bubby so you may hear him in there. Howard talked to Richard about putting on weight. The baby was crying. Richard said he's a handful. He said he wants ice cream right now.
Howard said he has worked on things in his life and what his wife is saying is that he has to be an adult and clean up after himself. Richard said he agrees. He said he's guilty. Kristin said that he's trying. She said he puts the wrong dishes in the dishwasher.
Howard said he knows Richard is difficult to live with. He said he found the one woman who can deal with him so put the chips away and put the beer in the garbage. Robin said wipe the table too. Kristin thanked Howard for saying that.
Howard asked if Richard just wants her to take care of him. Richard said he's not sure. He said maybe he's falling asleep and forgetting about it. Howard said he's hoping that someone will take care of him and he's leaving it out. Richard said maybe he is. He said he is doing dishes and stuff. Howard asked what makes him think he's entitled to leave shit around. Richard said he's tired at the end of a work day. Robin said he walks right past the garbage and he could throw it away. Richard said he knows but it's laziness. He said he's sorry.
Howard asked how long he can watch Bubby without his head exploding. Richard said he's going to do that all day on Mother's day. He said he'll give her a break from time to time and take care of him. Howard asked what he'd do if she stopped taking care of him. Richard said he would be living like he did in the storage unit.
Howard asked Richard about how much he showers. He said Richard claims he's doing it more than ever under quarantine but Kristin says she has to force him to shower when he smells bad. Kristin said she's glad this is brought up. She said she and her mom heard him saying he didn't have time to shower because of Bubby but he's so full of shit. She said he would use excuses not to shower. She said he is good about brushing his teeth now though. She said he makes sure that Bubby brushes his teeth too.
Howard said he's an adult now and he should shower at least once a day. He asked Richard why he won't do that. Richard said maybe it's from growing up on the farm. He said he equates manliness with smelling bad. He said he always thought that was cool and manly. Howard said he thinks that he's just making excuses. He said he has to grow up.
Howard said maybe Richard feels like his wife has to put up with that. Richard said that's not it at all. He said he doesn't want to screw this up. He said he's the luckiest man in the world. Howard said he's advising her to leave him right now.
Howard read a note about how Kristin had to ask Richard to shower the other day because he smelled so bad. Kristin said they have a workout room and he'll work out and it smells so bad in there. She said that his natural odor isn't so bad if he keeps up with the showers. She said if he showers the day before a work out then he'll be okay.
Howard said Richard enjoys sitting in his own musk and taking it in. Richard said he does. He said he likes to smell his finger between his balls and thigh. Howard said he's done that but when he smells something that makes him want to shower.
Howard asked Kristin if she dreamed of having a man who would be proud of taking a shower. Kristin said she never imagined she'd be talking about her husband's hygiene on national radio.
Howard said Richard's wife is a beautiful woman and she chose Richard to be her husband. Kristin thanked him for that. Kristin said she's sorry about Bubby. Howard said it's fine. He was making a ton of noise. Richard said he has more energy than any kid. He said they used to take him out and other parents were in awe of how much energy he had.
Howard said his theory is that Bubby is making noise because he smells Richard's stink. He asked who shits their pants more, Richard or Bubby. Kristin said she doesn't know about Richard shitting her pants until she hears the show sometimes.
Howard said he heard that squirrels got into a food delivery the other day and Richard ate the food anyway. Kristin said he did. Robin wondered what kind of virus Richard is going to create.
Howard said this sounds like a joy. He said that Richard can't calm that kid down. He said there's no way he could deal with a small child at this point. Richard said he thinks Bubby just wants them to play with him right now and they can't. Howard said the kid has to learn to entertain himself. Richard said they do entertain him all day. Howard said he's learning a habit there. He said he'll never learn to entertain himself.
Richard said it's always when he's on Zoom when he's craziest. He said he is calm at times.
Howard said Kristin has said that they're more like friends than father and son. Kristin said they really are. She said that he'll play music with him and Bubby loves it. Richard said he loves playing drums too. Kristin said she's more like the real parent there.
Howard said what he's hearing is that Kristin is mommy to Richard and Carson. He said that she has to get after Richard to clean up and all of that. He said Richard just plays with Bubby all day because he's on the same intellectual level.
Kristin said she's happy to just get to watch one TV show at the end of the day. She said that Richard makes life fun and Bubby is the best son in the world. Howard said alright. He asked her to blink twice if she needs to get out. Kristin said she loves them and thanked them for talking to them. She thanked Howard for the Super Bowl because it was the best experience in their life. Howard said he's happy he was able to do it. Howard said hold on to that memory because there probably won't be any more. Richard said they can never thank him enough. He said he's the reasons that Bubby exists. Howard said that's right, he and Kristin had an affair for 7 years and that's his son. He said he actually did help because they met through work. Richard said it was the last day at K-Rock that they met. Howard wished them luck.
Richard put Bubby on the camera so Howard tried talking to him. The kid started screaming. Richard said he doesn't like being on camera. Howard said he has never seen a kid with the ability to cry that long. Kristin said they have to teach him to be more self sufficient. Howard said even at 2 and a half you can do something to entertain yourself.
Howard had Richard put the microphone on Bubby and they'll play this music. Fred played the Halloween movie theme. Bubby was still screaming so Howard said he has to get out of this. He told Richard to shower once in a while.
Howard said the great thing is that they can hang up and not hear Bubby anymore but Richard can't get away from it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that was a great part of the show. She said it's great to see behind the scenes of the staff members families. She said she wants to hear from Steve Brandano and Steve Nowicki and others. She said that Dr. Agus was great today too. She said that he put it all out there and gave them hope. She said she feels very positive today. She said she's glad that Robin is feeling better today too. Fred played her off with some music. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said Richard is not equipped to handle a kid. He said he was watching him that whole time. He said Richard used to get pissed at parents who had screaming kids on the plane. He said now he has one of his own. He said talk about payback.
Howard said kids, even at 2 and half, have to learn to entertain themselves. He said parents don't have the time to do that all day. Robin said that's not the way the world is going to treat Bubby. She said he's going to have to sit there while other kids are getting attention. Howard said she has a good point. He asked what they should do. Robin said they have to stop following him around everywhere he goes. She said this is what you get. She said the child can't self sooth and he's upset all the time. Howard said it's weird but they don't have to deal with it.
Howard said all of the people who Richard and Sal prank call all the time are happy to hear Richard dealing with that. He said the Swap Shop guy is thrilled. He did an impression of the guy talking about that. Howard said Kristin could have had anyone but she zeroed in on Richard.
Howard said he has to thank Gardein for sponsoring the show. He had Gary talk about his wife's experience with Gardein. They spent a couple of minutes talking about how good their stuff is. Gary Puppet said that Scotch goes great with Gardein.
Howard asked Fred how he's doing. Fred said he's doing better than Gary. He said he isn't drinking that much. He said he has had drinks two times in the past month. He said it's been to excess but just two times. Howard asked if he's playing guitar a lot. Fred said he is and he's going to learn drums too. He said he's not going to go out and hurt his foot like Robin.
Howard asked if Fred's daughter is there with them. Fred said she is. He said she's doing okay but she wants to go visit friends. He said they have done drive bys with her and that's how she sees her friends. He said that she's a junior now. Howard said it has to be tough for her. He asked if she's being home schooled. Fred said they're doing stuff through the computer and she's doing great with that.
Robin said she would love to hear Fred play drums one day. Fred said he'll do that. Howard said everyone stay well. Fred had a Richard Puppet so he worked that for a minute. Howard said if his wife ever had to tell him to shower because he smells he'd be so embarrassed. He said he doesn't want to be a smelly man. Richard Puppet said he's Crusty Christy. Howard said they need a screaming Bubby puppet. Richard Puppet said he'll see what he can do. He had a screaming baby sound that he played while Richard Puppet talked to it. Howard said he doesn't seem to shut up for a minute.
Howard asked if Richard needs to let the kid entertain himself. Fred said they are spending too much time with their kid. He said you have to just stop it and let him cry. He said he thinks they call that Ferberizing. Gary said it's called the Ferber method. He said that's where you leave your kid alone for more and more time from night to night.
Howard said Gary Puppet is back. Fred worked that and talked about going to play some vinyl while his son cries. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:05am.