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Howard said they're going to get right to it today. He said he spent 3 hours setting up the new setup at his house. He said he had to do his own pulling of the wires at home. He doesn't have an engineer there. He said he's completely quarantined. He said Beth Cloroxed everything.
Howard asked why Robin can't see him. He said he doesn't want to see himself. Robin said she can see him now. Howard said this is his basement. Robin said it looks like a dungeon. Howard said Beth has been cleaning everything. He said he wants to help but she won't let him. He said he feels guilty. He said he was talking to her while she was cleaning his bathroom. He said he wanted to direct her. He likes being the boss. He said she got aggravated, stood up, and banged her head on his urinal. He said he was disgusted by that.
Howard said Beth has saved his life. He said she's walking around woozy though. He said she was wearing a HazMat suit while she was cleaning the studio. He said it was the full outfit. Robin said they need those at the hospital.
Howard said he has a picture of Ireland Baldwin showing off her stomach in a bikini. He said that's on Google news. He said Beth is ripped from doing all of this cleaning.
Howard asked Beth to send him a pic of her in her HazMat suit. He said they have phones now there.
Howard had them pick up on Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann said she hopes everyone is safe. She said she needed this like he has no idea. Howard said he thinks this sounds good coming from the basement. He said he may never go into the studio again.
Howard said Will and his wife and kids had Coronavirus. He said they're just getting over it. Mariann mentioned that Lyle Wagoner died. Howard said this is the worst time to die. He said Kenny Rogers died too. He said they're out of the news already.
Howard said Joe Diffy died too. He said John Prine is in bad shape too. Howard said it's not a good time to die.
Howard said he was up at 3 in the morning because he was thinking about what's going on. He said he knows his parents are going to get Coronavirus. He said he finally got to his father and told him not to read the NY Times. He said if you get the paper you have to get gloves and read it. He said he's doing that at least. He said even if he touches his face or anything he's going to get Coronavirus if it's on the newspaper. He said the virus can live on there for a while. He said he's trying to get through to them but no one is talking to him. He said his mother told him not to call her anymore. Howard did his impression of his mother. He said his megaphone stinks of Clorox.
Howard had to hang up on Mariann because he was trying to talk about something and she interrupted. He said he's been using hand lotion because he's washing his hands so much that they hurt.
Howard said he was trying to eat a banana but he thought about how he had to clean it. He said he took out a Clorox wipe to clean it. He was going to wipe it down on the outside. He said he had to wash his hands and then peel the banana. He said he threw out the peel and wanted to cut it up. He had to get a bowl to cut it. He said this is how he's thinking.
Howard said he saw a video that someone sent. He said it's the greatest video. He said this guy Dr. David Price is the guy. He said he's from Cornell Weill. He said he's in the E.R. handling patients and talks about how he'll never get Coronavirus. He said watch the video and it will liberate you. He said as long as you don't touch your face or nose you won't get it. He said a mask will show you how much you touch your face. He said you have to watch this guy. He said just watch what he's saying and you'll get through this.
Howard said they say it would be unusual to get the virus from an Amazon box. He said it can happen but it's not likely.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel wrote him about Robin. He said he made a good point about her. He said Jimmy said that water temperature doesn't matter and Robin argued. The next day Dr. Agus said it doesn't matter and she agreed. Howard played the clips.
Robin said when she was a nurse they used hot water. She said it was also the friction of rubbing that helped get rid of the bacteria.
Howard asked if Robin ever admits when she's wrong. Robin said she admits that it's when she took this job that she was wrong.
Howard said get this video of this Dr. David Price from Cornell Weill. He said it will calm you down for sure.
Howard said he's on a routine of what he's eating every day. He said he has his usual Metamucil with berries for breakfast. He said you should see him cleaning this stuff. He said he can't be doing all of this cleaning. He said he's doing all of this stuff and then he's going to eat berries that were picked by someone. He said he bought something from Amazon that came from China and he was freaking out over that so he threw it out. He said he has High Register Sean in his head.
Howard talked about cleaning his food and how Beth is actually doing it. He said he's convinced he has already had Coronavirus. He said he may have had a mild case of it around March 12 when he started the quarantine.
Howard said he has blueberries and that's his problem. He said they're going to kill him. He said he Googled how to clean them. He went through the process he found to clean them. He said it makes a mess in the kitchen so Beth is rolling her eyes at him. He said it worked and all of this shit came off the berries.
Howard said he had to set up his equipment yesterday and he felt like he was in space going through the wires and shit there. He said he had the engineers on Zoom trying to help him do all of this. He said it went on for like 3 hours. He said he can even take phone calls now. Gary said they're having an issue with the phones. He said it's not Howard, it's Sirius.
Howard said there are a lot of people on the lines. He said their guys will get it. He said they'll figure it out. Gary said they say the connection keeps dropping out. They're working on it though.
Howard said he's watching American Idol and he noticed something. He said he's not sure how they're going to have the competition on the show. He said he's watching the judges and Katy Perry is like an itch. He said he has to watch her but he doesn't like how she behaves. He said Oprah drives him nuts and he has to follow her. He said Katy doesn't like Lionel Richie. He said she only talks to Luke Bryan. He said Lionel will try to get into a conversation and she turns her head away from him. He said he's watching all of these shows and no news. He said he refuses to read the newspaper or watch the news.
Howard said he's afraid that his parents are going to die and he won't be able to go to their funeral. He said he won't leave the house. He said they won't listen to him. He said it'll be all their fault. He said he can't deal with them.
Robin said he has to get a video set up with them. She said he can get them on video or something. Howard said they won't do it. Howard did his impression of his mother talking to him and getting upset about him calling her.
Howard said his dad gave him paperwork for their funeral plots and he's not sure how he'd get them if he had to. He said he's not going back into the city. He said they're going to have to be on ice. He said his father bought these plots many years ago and they're on Staten Island. He said they should have given them to his sister.
Howard said he doesn't know what he's going to do. He said this is what he lays around thinking about. He said he didn't think about this when he had to flee his apartment. He said he didn't even get dressed.
Howard asked how they're doing on the phones. Gary said he hasn't gotten word. Howard told him to let him know.
Robin said she has some friends who went for a walk and they had to go to a cemetery to get away from people.
Howard said they're still building things out there in the city. He said the construction workers are high fiving each other. Robin said her friends were in the cemetery and they were the only ones there other than the guys in HazMat suits putting a body in the ground.
Howard gave the caller some advice and said he hasn't been busier than now. He said he can't imagine being bored during quarantine. He said he read about prisoners of war and how they dealt with it. He said the ones who survived are the ones who stuck to a routine.
Howard talked about how he stayed busy yesterday. He went through his whole routine and talked about what he did all day. He said next thing he knew it was time for dinner. He said he and Beth took a selfie and posted it on Instagram. He said that was it. He said then it was bed time. Howard said they were watching Dr. Now yelling at some people and then he went to sleep.
Howard said if you get bored during this quarantine then there's something wrong with you. He said you should be busy cleaning and doing other things.
Howard said he found the tape of celebrities singing ''Imagine'' that Robin mentioned last week. He said Gal Gadot had the idea to do this. He said he didn't feel any better after watching it. Howard said they sang John Lennon's ''Imagine.'' He said they had a bunch of celebrities singing it. He said he doesn't think he was asked to do it. He said maybe he was but he wasn't told about it. He said he has a standing ''no'' for that kind of stuff.
Robin mentioned that Elton John was hosting a special last night but he claimed he didn't have a piano in that one house he was in. Howard asked why he would leave one home without a piano. He said that's crazy. He said Billy Joel has a piano in every one of his homes. He said he's seen them.
Howard played some of the ''Imagine'' song they were talking about. He said ''Yikes'' as he heard the singing. They were all doing it a cappella. Gary told Howard that Sarah Silverman was in there. He said he has the video so he can tell him who it is singing. Howard said he doesn't care. He said it didn't make him feel any better.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him and his team for bringing them joy in this time. He said they have a commander in chief who didn't do what he should have 2 months ago. He said this could have been flattened out a lot sooner. He said a lot of lives could have been saved.
Howard said there's someone in Louisiana who said that they should let the old people die and get the economy back up and running. He said if everyone just quarantined for a few weeks or a month we'd get it under control.
Howard said governor Cuomo has been doing a good job and he pulled some tape. He said he might call in this week. Robin said they're still breaking up parties out there because people are partying in their homes.
Howard said that for a long time FOX news was trying to tell people that this whole Coronavirus thing was a hoax and it was being pushed by the democrats. He said they should be trying to protect their audience because they're at risk during this time.
Howard said Trump was saying that he doesn't want to help any states that have governors that don't appreciate him. He asked if you can imagine that. He said he's sick of people not following the quarantine.
Howard had fake Alex Jones on the phone and he was telling them that he warned them about all of this and they didn't listen. He mentioned the food buckets that he was selling. He said they're selling like hotcakes. He did an ad for his food buckets. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Alex. Howard said Alex got a Cease and Desist for telling people that his toothpaste can fight Coronavirus.
Howard said Beth won't tell him what's in the news unless it's something that he can handle. He said he has no idea how many people are dying. He said he just knows it's a lot. He said she let that slip.
Howard asked what it was like to have it. Will said they had low fevers and felt awful. He said they had stomach issues. He said his wife had a bad cough. He said his wife was vomiting a lot too. He said it affects people differently though. Howard said he doesn't want to get it because he hasn't vomited in a really long time. Will said that it's weird because you can relapse and go back to feeling like crap again.
Howard said Will and his family didn't know about it until 8 days after. Will said they were almost over it by that point. He said by then they were self quarantining. He said his son had it and he had a fever for like a night. He said he's 8 and scared out of his mind. He said his daughter had it for a few hours and she was fine. He said it doesn't affect kids that much apparently. Robin said an infant just died from it so that's not really true.
Howard said Will got over it in a day or two. Will said he had it for 2 weeks. He said they had to deal with the kids during that time. Will said shitting was an issue. He said he was trying to eat. Howard asked if he had that spray shit. Will said it was like that at first. Will said they've had it now and they don't have to wipe things down so much. Robin said they don't know that for sure either.
Howard said Will is a cancer survivor so he did okay. Robin said he isn't being treated currently so he's not at risk as much as others.
Gary said the numbers have to be way higher than they're saying if Will's wife got tested and Will and his kids didn't. Will said they won't even test the kids. Robin said we don't have enough tests to pin down what it looks like.
Howard let Will go and said Bill Cosby is trying to get released from prison because of this Coronavirus thing. He said that's not the way prison works. He said you don't get out just because of that.
Howard said that kook got him so freaked out by that bubble wrap thing that he had to throw out something he got from Amazon. He said that idiot got in his head. Robin said there's a lot of China made stuff all around him.
Howard said Bobo is up next. He said Bobo seems like he has a good handle on this situation. Howard played a clip of Bobo talking about how he has cases of water in his house. He's using a cloth over his face when he's out. He's constantly washing his hands too.
Howard said he's fascinated that Bobo said he's ''Harboring down'' instead of hunkering. Gary said he said he's harboring water. Howard had a clip of Bobo talking about how the Chinese are responsible for all of this. He said we should have an embargo until they rectify this situation.
Fred did his Bobo puppet thing but his audio wasn't coming through the microphone very well. Howard said it's terrible. He thanked him for trying. He said he sounded fine this morning during rehearsal. Fred had to move the microphone to his mouth. He did more of his Bobo impression.
Howard had some audio of High Pitch Erik talking about how he prepared for this quarantine. He talked about loading up with hand sanitizer and things like that. He said we have to close down all of the Chinese restaurants because they're to blame for this Coronavirus thing. Howard said this is a guy with an 80 IQ. Robin said there are a lot of people like him out there apparently.
Howard said you know Erik isn't eating fruits and things like he said he is. He said he's not sure why he has to lie about what he eats. Robin said he knows Howard would tell him it's the wrong stuff to have.
Howard said High Pitch Erik has been posting uplifting speeches on social media. He had some audio of that. Erik said we're all in this together until the very end. He said we have to support one another during this time.
Howard had some audio of Fred the Elephant Boy talking about what he's doing. He's still working because he works for the government in a mail room. Fred was talking about Jeff the Drunk and giving him a message.
Howard said Elephant Boy is scared because he has heart issues. He said his doctor told him he'd be fine but he has to be extra careful.
Howard had some audio of Underdog Lady talking about how she's handling all of this. He said she told Shuli she can't wait to be in parades again. Howard played a clip of Underdog talking about Shuli's voicemail messages and how they're the same at work and home. She was concerned about how they both say the same thing. Howard said she was very consumed with that.
Howard said Underdog told Shuli he can call her at any time of day or night. He said that they always thought there might be some kind of romantic feelings between them. Howard played a clip of her telling Shuli he can call her any time.
Howard had a quick update from Medicated Pete who is still going out and walking around and talking to people and giving elbow bumps.
Howard had some audio of Mark the Bagger who is staying at his father's farm in the Pocono's during this time. Mark said he's not jerking off as much and he's doing a lot of walking around outside. He said he misses jerking off. Howard said he's not sure why he won't jerk off at his father's farm.
Howard said they weren't able to get in touch with Tan Mom so they went through Adam Barta who said that she's just staying with her family in Florida.
Howard said Jason spoke to Wendy the Slow Adult and her mom has been giving her baths and washing her feet.
Howard said that's all the updates they have. He said he hopes they all stay safe because they can't afford to lose any of them.
Howard said he thinks he'll take a short break and stretch his legs. He said they'll take more calls and things like that. He said they have a lot of people on the phones.
Howard showed Robin some of the setup he has in his basement. He said tomorrow they have Adam Levin calling in. He said Jimmy Fallon will be on Wednesday to give an update.
Howard said what he's going to do is play a song and take a break. Jon Hein suggested ''Love Shack'' and Fred was playing sound effects. He had the Jeopardy theme playing. Howard said he can barely hear it. Jon had some other songs he suggested. Howard said they have to work on Fred's audio because he hears him sniffing when they boost his audio.
Howard talked about working as a Program Director for this guy who wanted him to play rainy music on a rainy day and sunny music on a sunny day. Robin said she's not sure what they should be playing during a pandemic.
Howard said he has been listening to a lot of Pearl Jam lately. Robin said she stated listening to Turbo on SiriusXM. She said it's got a lot of good music. Howard said he'll have to check it out. Gary said it's channel 41.
Howard was still trying to figure out what to play during the break. Howard said he's going to go pee. He said he has to get some hot water too. He had the guys play ''Love Shack'' while he went to do his thing.
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Howard said he has a water boiler that's making noise down there. He had to take his headphones off to get to it. He went over to do that and asked if Robin can hear him. Robin said yes. Howard said he usually has people to help out with that. He said he's so proud that he's doing it himself. He said he's used to living like a king over at Sirius. He said they do everything for him there. He said he has food brought to him and all of that. He said now he has to do it himself. He said he's washing his own berries in baking soda now.
Robin asked if Howard will miss his perks. Howard said he does. He said he really misses his staff. He said this is a big adjustment for him.
Howard said he has no A/C down there. He said he'd have to open doors there. He said he's ready to pass out. He said if he opens the doors it'll look weird and cavernous.
Howard said High Pitch Erik has a ton of donuts. Gary said he has like 4 boxes of 6-8 donuts. Howard said he loves that they waste money on him with public assistance.
Howard asked what Ronnie is doing now. He asked if he's in quarantine. Ronnie said he's still going out to the store and things when he has to.
Howard said they have a Ronnie prank call to play. He said Sal called Ronnie and Ronnie got pissed. Ronnie said Sal is a total asshole. He said he called to see how his parents were and they got into a conversation about going grocery shopping and how he went to the bagel store. Howard said there's a big difference there. He said you have to go grocery shopping but not to the bagel store. Howard told him to watch this Dr. David Price video. He said that will teach you how it's impossible to get Coronavirus if you follow his rules.
Ronnie went off on Sal again and called him a douche bag. He explained why he called to find out how his parents are doing. He said they got into the grocery store discussion and all of that. He said he didn't tell him that he was recording the whole thing. He said Saturday he got a text about how Gary does care about him and he realized Sal taped it. He said he should have told him. He said fuck Sal that stupid asshole.
Howard said Sal asked Ronnie to record something for them. He wanted him to record a farewell speech because he may get Coronavirus and die. Ronnie said this was a different day.
Howard played the call where Sal asked Ronnie to record this farewell message. Ronnie got all pissed when he was asked to record the message. He said a farewell to Howard and thanked him for his trip that he gave him. He didn't have much to say to anyone else there.
Ronnie said he was just joking around because it was Sal talking to him. Gary said he really felt bad hearing that he thinks no one cares about him there. Ronnie told him to calm down. Fred did his Ronnie Puppet voice and talked to Howard for a short time. He was talking about how he doesn't have a Stephanie puppet to fuck so he fucks a shoe instead. He said it's a pink Converse.
Howard asked if Ronnie is back to fucking on the weekends. Ronnie said there wasn't much going on this weekend. He said he got so bored that he cleaned the house on Friday. He said no one is working now so he did it all himself. He said it was draining.
Howard asked Ronnie to show his collection of dildos. Ronnie said his neighbor died of Coronavirus on Thursday. He said he was a younger guy and he went in on Monday and died on Thursday. He said he was in his 40s. Howard said that's young. He asked if he had a wife and kids. Ronnie said he doesn't think he was married. Howard asked if he had any preexisting conditions. Ronnie said he was overweight. He wasn't sure if there was anything else. Howard talked to Ronnie puppet a little more about fucking and things like that.
Howard asked what Ronnie has to show them today. Ronnie said he has his whole thing there. He showed some of the cock rings he has. Howard had him hold them up to show him on camera. Ronnie showed off his collection and explained how he uses them. He had a small one that goes on the head of his cock. He has a bigger one that goes down the shaft.
Howard said he never needs this kind of stuff for sex. Ronnie said it's fun to experiment. He had another cock ring with a vibrator on it. He said it reminds him of a St. Bernard with a barrel on its neck.
Howard asked if that's it. Ronnie said he has more. Robin said he left a bunch in Puerto Rico. Ronnie said he has more though. He showed a toy that he sticks in his asshole. He said that's the toy they play with. He showed how deep it goes. Howard said that thing goes in there deep. Ronnie said that vibrates also.
Howard thanked him for the update. Ronnie said he has more. He showed something that they haven't tried yet. He said it's like a harness that you put on her. Howard said he's thinking of getting that for Robin. Ronnie said you put it on her and it's like riding a horse.
Ronnie had a ball bag thing but he hasn't tried that yet. Howard said he thinks he was just cured of enjoying sex. Ronnie said you have to experiment. Robin said she's getting to see his room there and he has a lot of NASCAR stuff hanging there.
Howard asked if he has anything else. Ronnie said that's it for today. Ronnie said check out the third season of Ozark on Netflix. He said it's the best season so far. Robin said she watches it. Howard said he hasn't started yet but he's going to check it out. Robin said he's in for a treat.
Howard let Ronnie go after thanking him for that update. Ronnie said he's not sure how to shut it off. He said he hit something and he can't get back to where he was. Howard talked to Fred as Ronnie Puppet a little more after that.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if Beth is giving him more sex lately. Howard said she's exhausted from cleaning the house. He said she can't stay awake at night when they're in bed.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he's been cleaning up a storm. Jeff asked if he wants to hear how he's been doing. Howard said give a point of view or something. Jeff talked about how he's been cleaning up all the time. Howard let him go too because he wanted to move on. He didn't have control of the calls so someone else was doing that for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a construction worker and he'd like to be able to quarantine but they can't stop. He said they say they still have to go to work in New Jersey. Howard said he doesn't understand that. He said in his neighborhood they're building houses. He said you'd think they'd stop it so they can stop Coronavirus from spreading. The caller said he's on the job with 20-30 guys and it's terrifying. He said he wants to be part of the solution and stay home but they're being told they have to go to work. Robin asked if anyone has gotten sick around him yet. The caller said not that he knows of.
Howard asked if he's building something so important that they have to do it. The caller said he's installing pipes for a heat system for a school that has been shut down for 3 weeks. He said they're not working for hospitals or anything like that. Howard said there has to be a plan to get the country together and flatten the curve.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lost his brother on Friday after fighting Coronavirus for a week. He said they're all doing the social distancing thing. He said they're going to do a drive by for the funeral. He said his brother was John Carol and he was 64 years old. He said he did have some health issues. He said this thing is a monster. He said we have to treat it that way.
Howard said this is how he feels about his mother and father. He said he's afraid that they're going to get it. He said Gary knew a guy who was 40 years old and died from it. The caller said it's taking people from across the board. He said they're going to do this drive by thing and they're all staging at some hotel parking lot or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he has been so reluctant to go all in with his criticism of Trump. Howard said he thinks he has been critical of Trump. He said he was a Hillary supporter and he's not sure how often he has to spell that out for him. The caller said he's talking about actual anger. Howard said he has said what he has felt about the administration and how it's a disaster. He said he's not sure how else to make that known. He said he's now supporting Joe Biden. He said leave him alone.
Howard said he doesn't feel this is being handled well by the Trump administration. He said governor Cuomo has been doing a great job. He had some audio of Cuomo that he had the guys play. Howard said he was going to call in but he was too busy working. He said that's what they need right now.
Howard said Trump said a few weeks ago that Coronavirus was no big deal. He said he's not sure how he can say something like that. He said we all understand this is going to be horrible and it's going to take sacrifice. He said you have to listen to what doctors are saying. He said he wants Donald to be successful at the end of the day. He said all of the name calling and tweeting is nonsense. He said he wants to talk to Donald and straighten him out. He said he's not sure what they want him to do.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a trucker delivering IV and ventilator stuff. Howard and Robin thanked him for his work because they need them too. The caller said they need Howard and Robin too. He said they're up at night with the truckers and they may not even realize it.
Howard said he's reading a book about this guy in World War II and he was a runner in the Olympics. He said this Italian American could run his ass off. He said he ended up being on a plane in the Air Force. He said this guy was so brave. He said he's not even a man compared to this guy. He said the stories are unbelievable. Gary said his name is Louis Zamperini and the book is Unbroken. There's a movie too. Howard said he didn't know there was a movie. Howard spent more time talking about the book.
Howard read some fan feedback about the show. Howard had a bunch of comments from people who appreciate that they're on the air again and inspiring them to get through this whole thing. Howard said one listener prefers the Zoom version of the show.
Howard said so many people wrote in about Dr. Agus being on last week. He went through some of that.
Howard said everyone should go out and watch that Dr. David Price video. Gary said that's on the front page of HowardStern.com right now.
Howard read some feedback about Fred and how he was able to make things work last week even when he didn't have his sound effects. Fred did some of his Ronnie Puppet voice for a few seconds.
Howard said another guest who got a lot of praise was Alec Baldwin. He read through some of that. He had some feedback about Ronnie's visit to the bagel store and some feedback about Jimmy Kimmel calling in last week.
Howard said he's glad they're able to do this show and he hopes that it's helping people out there. He said they'll be back tomorrow and Adam Levine will do some songs for them. They wrapped up the show around 9:45am.
Howard let The Great American Nightmare play. They had added coughs and other sounds to the song.
Howard said he has a friend who is going through Coronavirus. He said they say that every 7 minutes a person is dying in New York. He said they read another one that said 12 minutes. He said it's somewhere in there. Howard said Jason had some story about how many people died in a span of 12 hours. It was every 2.9 minutes. Robin said this isn't helping them. Howard said he's not there to help. He said he's freaking out and trying to scare the shit out of you.
Howard said he's going to be talking about putting doom and fear into everyone. Robin said Depak Chopra went online to meditate with people and his stream went dead because there were so many people.
Howard said he's doom and gloom on a good day. He said when their friend called and said she had a fever and a cough so she figures she has it. He said it takes 8 days to get the results of the test so that's a long time. Robin said they're getting faster. She said a friend had a child who got results in 2 days.
Howard said things are getting worse. He said tune out and listen to Spyder Harrison or someone like that instead. He said he bets that Simon Cowell is doing just fine. Robin said he was out shopping recently.
Howard said they have a special Coronavirus channel there that gives out information. Gary said they're bringing back the Billy Joel and Dave Matthews channel too. Howard said there's a Pearl Jam channel too. Howard said that you can go on SiriusXM.com to get more information.
Gary said they also have a Stay Home Radio with feel good music and it's commercial free. Howard said they have every channel you could possibly think of.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard has to know how important it is for him to be on the air. Howard said he disagrees and tells his therapist that but there are people who think it is important. The caller and Howard were competing for air time and talking over each other. Fred was throwing in some ''Hey now!'' clips on top of that so it was all over the place. Howard said taking a phone call is taking a new relevance.
Howard said he loves that show SEAL Team. He said nothing makes him happier than watching David Boreanaz.
Howard read some email and someone was asking why he's not more vicious toward Trump. He said he's so upset about this because he can't win on either side. He said if he talks about Trump he's anti-Trump. He said it goes the other way too. He said both sides get upset with him about it.
Howard said him yelling about Trump isn't going to make things any better. He said Trump was fun to laugh at when he was on reality TV. He said he had this goofy persona and it was a wild ride to watch the guy. He said he had no idea he was going to become president. Howard said yelling about him and trying to make him more presidential is crazy. He said it's not going to happen.
Howard said things are going crazy in New York with Coronavirus. He said this virus is going to spread everywhere. He said Trump was talking about his ratings during this whole virus thing. He said meanwhile Cuomo is acting more presidential than him. Howard said he's pulling his hair out of his head hearing him talking about his ratings. He said people are freaked out by this virus. That's why he's getting ratings.
Howard said they're there to get you through your morning. He said he can't change Donald Trump. He said it's like asking him to yell at sharks not to eat people who are in the water. He yelled at sharks to show how that works. He asked if one shark is going to stop eating people. He said he's not going to change a 70-something year old man who has never been in therapy. He said he's been in rooms with him and he talked about himself for an hour. He said that's Donald. He said he can't yell at a turtle to move faster.
Howard said he can't change Donald Trump. He said that's it. He said he needs praise. He said that My Pillow guy was praising him on a talk show and that's why he'll get back to the White House.
Howard said he doesn't think Trump gives a shit about public service. He said Governor Cuomo does. Howard said things are so crazy right now that hotels are offering their rooms for people with Coronavirus. He said not one Trump hotel is doing that. He said he could do that.
Howard said he's not angry toward Donald. He said he's that guy and he won't change. He said that you can't get angry with someone like Sanjaya for winning American Idol. He said Donald thinks he's spreading hope and joy to people. He said Sanjaya was not a good singer. He said if he had won you're not going to get angry with him. He said you'd be mad at the people who voted for him. He said he voted for Sanjaya. Robin said they campaigned for him.
Howard said there is a lot of material to listen to on SiriusXM. Robin said there's all kinds of talk. Howard said he watched Trump yelling at reporters who weren't praising him. He said he's very hurt and very flawed. He said yelling about him here isn't going to help. He said that's why he's not doing 2 hours a day on Trump. He said the late night talk show guys are great at that.
Howard said he has feelings about how this country is going. He said you should hear him off the air. He said he's pulling the hair out of his head. He said he's not thrilled with what's going on. He said he's not mad at Donald. He said he thinks Donald thinks he's doing a great job. He said he thought it would be a lot more fun to have that job.
Howard said Cuomo was supposed to call yesterday but he's so busy that he doesn't have time. Howard said he loves that answer. He said that's the way it should be. Robin said she's sure Trump would find the time. Howard said Donald is mad at him for not supporting him. He supported Hillary. He said if he had supported him he'd probably be in his cabinet. Howard said please stop asking him to be nicer or meaner to Trump. He said it's not going to work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Trump is spreading misinformation about this Coronavirus thing. Howard said that's been devastating. He said he's exhausted from that. He said it's a disaster. He said with peace and love he can't repeat all of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw his watercolor painting on Beth's Instagram. He said he's impressed. He said it's fantastic. Howard thanked him for that. Robin said that painting is amazing. Howard said he worked on that for a couple of months. He said he doesn't have a lot of time to work on that. He said the sneaker was the hardest part of that painting. He said he'll never draw another sneaker.
Howard said there are some great impressions of Trump out there. He said this one guy, J-L Cauvin does a great one. He played a clip that was about 2 minutes long where Cauvin had Trump talking about Jesus and bringing the entire economy back on Easter Sunday.
Howard said there's another guy, John D. Domenico, who did a great impression too. He played that clip where the guy talked about getting a Coronavirus test and how it came out tremendously negative. Howard said that was a great impression too. He said he has the voice down.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon will be on their show tomorrow. JD said this isn't just the three late night guys. He said that there are others like Andy Cohen and Conan who are back to work. Howard said he didn't know Andy was healthy enough to do a show. Gary said he says he's feeling better. Howard said some people get a little cough and a fever and that's it. He said then you read that people are just dying from it. He said people are dying so fast that they have to put them in refrigerator trucks. Robin said some people start to get better and then they die.
Howard said he's interested in JD's critique. He asked JD what he thinks about the late night shows. JD said he's going by who had the best and worst sets and connections. He said the best set was between Kimmel and Fallon. He said you saw their houses in their shows. Howard said he saw Kimmel's house and it looks really nice. JD said Colbert's was the worst with a very basic set. He said Conan's wasn't that great either.
JD said the host with the best connection was Colbert. He said it was very crisp and clear. He said the worst was Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said he thought that they taped it. JD said it may have been recorded and someone else edited it.
JD said the best and worst connections for guests were Kim Kardashian and Jerry O'Connell. He said Jerry's was pixelated really bad.
JD said the best background for guests was Tracy Morgan. Howard said the guest has to put the camera where they want to. JD said yes. Howard said Tracy had to be his shark tank. JD said it was actually his bowling alley. Howard said that has to be interesting. He said he'd be afraid that people would get jealous of that if he had a bowling alley. Howard said Tracy wants to show that he's rich. He said it's fascinating. Howard said he feels he has to get Tracy on so they can see his backgrounds.
JD said the worst backgrounds were Adam Sandler who looked like he was in a closet. Howard asked JD to rate them all on a number of Filet-O-Fish. JD would rate them on a scale of 5.
Robin asked for more details about the openings of shows and things like that. JD said they were doing opening monologues and things. Howard said maybe they should make this a regular segment and call it JD's Reviews and Stuff.
Robin was giving JD a hard time about the things he was rating on the shows. Howard said he gives JD 5 Filets-O-Fish for his reviews. He said he bets JD would give him a zero for his background. JD said he'd give him a 2. Howard said he just has a black background. Robin said all she has is a curtain. JD said she'd get a 1.
Howard let JD go but said he never did mention Andy Cohen. JD said he did mention Jerry O'Connell who was on his show. Howard said Jerry is in high demand on these shows. Howard said maybe they should get Jerry on the show. He said he's in such high demand right now.
Howard took a call from a guy who was talking about something that got Howard thinking about getting some staff updates. Howard said he'll do that after Adam Levine.
Howard said Jerry should have his wife Rebecca dancing behind him when he's doing shows. He said he'll have to do that when he's on this show.
The caller said there are a lot of first responders who Howard is entertaining right now. He said he knows a lot of cops and first responders who are listening to him right now. Howard gave him 5 Filet-O-Fishes for that call. He said he saw Robin was losing it during that call so he had to let the guy go.
Howard said someone wrote in and asked what he has stockpiled for this Coronavirus thing. He said he has a bunch of Lysol cleaning solution that Wayne Segal gave him.
Howard said someone asked how he's handling his fears and anxiety. He said things are off the chart at this point. He said he's not anxious right now but he goes kablooie over some things and starts doing rituals. Robin said she figured out that's how he controls his anxiety. Howard said that's right. Howard said he has the illusion that he has control over his uncontrollable situation.
Howard said someone asked if he's masturbating during the pandemic. Howard said he's only done it once. He said he doesn't have time to do it. He said he hates to ask Beth for sex because she's so exhausted from cleaning the house. He said he can't bother her for that.
Howard said he's very tidy when it comes to his toilet and things like that. He had Beth come in to talk about that. Howard said she's wearing a belly shirt. He said he can pull her pants down. Beth said she looks terrible. Howard said the only ass tighter is Fred's.
Beth brought Howard some fruit to eat. Howard said look at her belly. He said she's tight. Howard asked her to tell Robin what she's done so far. Beth talked about all of the cleaning she's been doing. She said she doesn't sit down all day. She said she's doing okay.
Howard asked if Beth thinks he's tidy when it comes to the bathroom stuff. Beth said he is. She said the only thing is that his hair is shedding more than the cats.
Howard said he mentioned that he's not asking for sex much lately. Beth said maybe they'll do that tonight. She said just not on the clean sheets. Robin asked if she has to clean up after Howard and pick up things. Howard said he thinks he's okay. Beth said he's okay but she does have to reorganize things. She said she found some stems from the strawberries on the floor. She said she's also stepping on toothpicks. Howard said he will stop that. He said he wanted to help the environment so he's saving them up to throw out. He said they get spread out and fall on the floor. He said he puts them in a pile so he can put them in the recycling. He said he'll have to do something about that. He said he's just going to throw them in the trash instead. Beth asked him to wear a hair net too. Howard said she'd divorce him if she saw him in one.
Beth asked if she can post a picture she took. Howard had to give approval. He had her cut out some stuff that he didn't want people seeing. Howard let Beth go and said he has to bang her tonight. He was talking about what he was going to do to her. He said she's going to love it.
Howard asked Adam about the tour and if they lost a lot of money on that. Adam said they did. Howard said the Rolling Stones had a great set on the Steel Wheels tour. He said they did so many dates that it paid for itself. He said they must be taking a big hit. Adam said absolutely but he's more concerned with people losing their jobs and their safety.
Howard asked Adam where he's at. Adam was in his garage. Howard said he can't see anything. He asked them to make his video bigger. Adam said he wants to make music so they're going to do it there. Howard said he was going to ask if he was too bummed out to make music right now. Adam said he has to thank Howard for having him on. Howard said he thanks him for getting up at 5 in the morning to do it.
Howard and Adam talked about what they did to set up their rooms to be on camera for these things.
Howard said his two favorite songs are ''Harder to Breathe'' and ''Wake Up Call.'' Howard asked Adam about writing the songs and how long they took. He wanted to know what the process was like. Adam went into detail about how that works for him and the band.
Adam mentioned he has a friend in there with him so Howard asked how that's possible if he's quarantined. Adam said he lives there. He said they have a cell they stay in together. He said Sam has been there for a while. Howard said he should have moved a staff in with him. He said all he has is Beth.
Adam talked about how great their tour was going before all of this Coronavirus stuff started. He said that he was so happy out on the road and the shit just exploded and the tour was done.
Howard asked if he was in a groove because he had quit The Voice and he was out on tour. Adam spent a little time talking about how he got back to being the guy in a band again and he was all in after leaving The Voice. He said he was focused on it and firing on all cylinders.
Howard said Adam wailed on the guitar playing Purple Rain when he was on the birthday show. He asked why he was intimidated to do that kind of thing on stage. Adam said playing for Howard is a different task than playing for a Maroon 5 audience. He said playing solo for them is different. He said they did it and it was working.
Howard asked Adam about being the lead singer of a band and how tough that can be. Adam said he didn't set out to be the lead singer. He said he just assumed the role because he could sing better than the other guys.
Howard asked if people's comments online ever blow his mind. Adam said these days it doesn't bother him. He said there is so much rage, anger and hate out there. He said it's rare to go on and check the comments. He said he may want to see what the thought of a show and he'll look.
Howard asked about Adam's vocal problems and what that was about. Adam said that was from working so much. He said he wasn't able to focus on singing in the right way. He said once he stated doing it more often he wasn't able to do it. He said he used to not warm up and things. He said singing is a mental thing. Howard said he imagines the pressure is immense.
Howard said he has to ask him a question and he has to be honest about this. He said he left The Voice and now they have the lowest rated opener to date. He said they went down 16 percent. He said Nick Jonas joined and the ratings went down. Howard said when he left America's Got Talent he knew the ratings wouldn't go down. He said the show can do well with whoever they have judging. Howard asked Adam for an honest answer. He asked if there's some joy in it that the ratings went down. Adam laughed and said he had no idea about numbers or anything. He said he just learned that from Howard. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Adam said he's being honest. He didn't ask about the numbers.
Howard asked if he checks in with the country guy, Blake Shelton. Adam said he loves that guy and Gwen Stefani. Adam said he has the fondest memories of working with that guy. He said they're just as friendly now but they never get to see each other. He said he's sure they'll hang out again some day. He said they did it for 8 years so the break is okay.
Howard asked Adam if he really doesn't care about the ratings. Adam said he doesn't want the show to fail at all. He said he's not going to hope that it gets lower ratings. Howard asked if he ever watched the show when he was on it. Adam said occasionally he did. He said it was just to see certain things. He said he never wanted to just watch it.
Howard said Adam wants to write music now that they're trapped in the house. He said he doesn't have much of a choice about leaving the house. He asked if he'll be organized about it and get in there and work at a certain time. Adam said no. He said it'll come down to being creative. He said they haven't set it all up yet but they'll be able to record vocals there and send it on to James who can throw guitar onto that. Howard said it'll be like an email thing. Adam said they can do that now and that's crazy. Adam said they all have rigs set up at home other than him. He said he's the only one who didn't have something at home. He said he has to leave work at work usually.
Howard said he's the same way. He said he never wanted to be home and think of that as work. He said he has had to rethink everything. He said his home will look like broadcast central. Adam said you can do that these days. Howard said Scott Greenstein said to him for years he wanted him to have microphones in his house. He said he told Scott he was coming into work but he should have done it. Adam said things have backfired on both of them.
Howard asked if he has a ton of guitars there. Adam said he has to send Howard this amp he has. Howard said he can't play guitar so he doesn't need it. Howard told him he should plug in and jam a little bit.
Howard said he has about 15 guitars hanging in his basement. He said he has a bunch of them signed by Eddie Van Halen, Slash and others. He said he looks at them and thinks he's a douche because he can't play any of them. Adam said Howard can play. Howard said can a little bit. Howard said he doesn't have time to do it. He said he's into painting now.
Howard asked Adam to play a little bit of something. He asked what kind of guitar he's playing. Adam said it's a Strat. He said it's a newer guitar but it's something they age at the factory. He said taking a vintage guitar on the road would ruin it so they do this a lot now. Adam said Strat purists would say this guitar is a piece of shit.
Howard asked Adam to play something on it. Adam played some stuff for him. He was demonstrating what the special amp sounds like. Howard said Adam likes it because it can do a lot of things but it's very small. Adam said he might wake up his daughter doing this.
Adam played the riff from Pink Floyd's ''Another Brick in the Wall'' and said that's a cool riff. Howard had to guess what it was. It took 2 times but he got it. Howard asked Adam to play more of that song for him. Adam did that a little bit.
Howard asked if he played that kind of stuff as a kid over and over. Adam said he hated high school and didn't want to be there. Howard said he figured his life was charmed. Adam said in most ways it was. He said he was somewhere in the middle of everyone. He said he was also a musician. He said that was slightly more on the fringe of things. He said now everyone is a musician.
Adam talked about how he went to prom in high school and he broke up with this girl the night before prom. He said he took another girl and he just saw her 6 months ago or so. Howard asked if his wife was upset that he was talking to her. Adam said not at all. Howard asked how she looked. Adam said she looked beautiful. He said she looked great.
Howard asked if Adam can play a song for them. He said he doesn't have to. He asked if he will write a song about Coronavirus. Adam said probably not. He said that would be an extreme feat to get that into a Maroon 5 song. Howard said John Lennon was able to get his mother into a song. That led to Adam singing some ''Mother'' for Howard. They talked about what a genius that guy was.
Adam was talking about what it's like to be able to listen to music in times like this. He said sometimes he and his wife Behati just sit around listening to music and he plays for her too. Howard said he just fucked his head up when he brought the two of them up.
Adam said he has two songs in his head that are the top 2 of all time. He said one is ''God Only Knows'' by the Beach Boys and ''In Your Eyes'' by Peter Gabriel. He said either one of those songs stripped down are great. He said both of those songs instantly make you want to cry.
Howard asked Adam to pretend that he's Behati and he's sitting in a hot garage with him and he's in a bra and panties. He said pretend Behati is there with him. Howard asked if he knocked her up again. Adam said no but is that floating around again. Howard said it is. Adam said she is not pregnant right now. He said if he asked her to do that again she'd probably punch him in the fucking face.
Howard said hi to Adam's friend Sam who was in the garage with him. Adam tried to find the lyrics to ''In Your Eyes'' so he could do that. Adam said he may not get all the way through it. He said he was messing around with it yesterday. He said the chord progression is really cool.
Howard asked Adam to play the song for them. He told Adam that he's still Behati sitting there with him in the garage. He said that she's fully shaved in this fantasy. Adam said now he has to think about that. Adam performed ''In Your Eyes'' for Howard.
After the song Howard said he was squirting all over the couch while he was playing. Howard said this would have been amazing in the studio. He said it sounds eerie playing over Zoom. He said it's like the apocalypse. Adam said it is. He said some people are in a position to find more good than others. He said it's a common experience that they're all having. He said the whole planet is dealing with it right now. He said it makes you appreciate what you have. He said that you appreciate that but you're forced to simplify things. He said sitting in the garage and playing is something he hasn't been able to do for a long time. He said even Howard sitting home is like him being a kid again. He said it helps you connect to life before things got so busy.
Howard said this does remind him of being home as a kid and recording into a tape recorder. Adam said it would have been great to be in the studio playing for Howard. He said he can't always do that though. He said he doesn't always like doing that on Howard's show.
Howard said he has one more question for him. He asked when he thinks this will all be over and things will get back to being normal. Adam said he doesn't know. He said it would be foolish for him to say. He said that it's a continuously escalating situation. Robin said when it is over what do you do to restart what you had going on. Adam said he looks forward to it being over because it will be at some point. Howard said ''Says you!'' He said he's like one of those guys who stayed in the jungle too long after World War II was over.
Adam said it won't be over in 30 days. He said he was thinking about how their job is playing in front of big crowds. He said once they do get through it and they can have big crowds together he believes there will be a feeling of catharsis and we'll all have this bond. Howard said it will be a common bond. He said this is the craziest thing that they've ever been through.
Howard asked if he thinks the whole band will make it through this. Adam said he thinks they'll all be okay. Howard said that's amazing. Adam said their drummer is turning 50 in May so they've been giving him a hard time about that. Howard thanked him for coming on and doing this today. Adam said a few words and said we all have to do this together and get through it. He said panic is not the best. He said get through it and we'll be better off for going through it together. Howard thanked him again and let him go a short time later.
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Howard said someone asked if he's drinking at all. Howard said he's not into that so much anymore so no. He said he isn't tempted at all.
Howard said someone asked if he will ever go to a big crowd again. He said maybe a Knick game but not a concert or anything. He said he can't go to a concert. He said he hates people singing behind him. He said someone at a Billy Joel concert was singing behind him. He said he wanted to hear Billy sing.
Howard said he doesn't see himself recovering from this quarantine any time soon. Gary asked how long after it's clear would he go back. Howard said he would say that he would not trust the authorities. Gary said if it were June 30th Howard would not go back until after Labor Day. Howard said he's right. He said he will not do well with Coronavirus. He said at some point he's going to get a cold and think he's dying. He said it's going to be a disaster. Howard said he might go back after 8 years.
Howard said someone asked if he has settled into a daily routine. Howard said they have. He said that they get up early and they are in a routine. He said he works on the show and does art.
Howard said someone asked if Beth will ever cut his hair. Howard said that's a good question. He said he will be cutting Beth's hair in about 3 months. He said it should be fairly easy. He said it's straight so he can do that.
Howard said someone asked if someone gets sick do they have a plan. Howard said he will get the bedroom if he gets sick. He said that they have another bedroom for Beth if she gets sick.
Howard said someone asked who he would give Coronavirus to if he had to pick between Jimmy Kimmel or Dr. Lou. Howard said he's sorry Jimmy. He said he's been friends with Lou since he was a kid.
Howard said people are asking him to pick who he'd save between a bunch of people. He went through those with Robin. They asked about saving Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein. Howard said he'd have to say Harvey. He said there's something about Cosby that's really creepy.
Howard picked Mel Gibson over Roger Waters. He said he can't pick between Gary and Fred. He picked Spike Lee over Simon Cowell. He picked Jim Bakker over Pat Robertson to save. That led to him doing his impression of creepy Pat Robertson for quite a while. He had Pat talking about gay things and bringing up balls, batwings and Rupaul's Drag Race.
Howard asked if Andy has had any gay sex lately. Andy said he has not and he's not sure when that's going to happen again. Howard said Chris Wilding said he's hooking up with guys over Zoom and masturbating. Andy said he can't do that because people might record it.
Howard said he saw that Paris Hilton is delaying her new documentary because of Coronavirus. He said that her first one was a Night in Paris. Andy said that was a great video. He said the Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee tape was the best one. Howard said Tommy had a huge penis. He said Pam got that right in her mouth and went to town.
Howard asked Andy if he felt he was going to die from this Coronavirus. Andy said he had the symptoms where he was achy and had no sense of smell and a cough. He said he's asthmatic so he had to be careful with that. He said his doctors told him to get a Pulse Oximeter and check his oxygen level. He said he kind of knew then that he'd be okay.
Andy said he had to stay in bed for about 12 days. He said he watched Game of Thrones and he wishes he could listen back to the shows when Howard and Robin would talk about that.
Howard asked how bad his temperature was. Andy said it was only like 100. He said the other thing was that he had a headache for 48 hours he wasn't able to get rid of. Howard said he's the same way. He said it's the paranoia that's going to get to him.
Andy said he can't imagine that Howard is going to get it. He said he saw Beth in the HazMat suit. He said Howard will only get it if the cats can pass it along.
Howard asked Andy a lot of questions about what it was like to have Coronavirus and how he thinks he got it. Andy said he has no idea how he got it. He said he was around a lot of people around that time. He said it all started around the 16th of March. He said he was all over the place that week. Howard asked about what this device was that his doctor told him about. Andy said it's a pulse Oximeter. He said you can get them at Walgreens or whatever. Robin said a lot of people use them in workouts and stuff.
Howard asked if he was tested for Coronavirus. Andy said he was and it took a few days to get the results. Howard said it's scary. Andy said what's scary is that people are really sick and they can't get tested. He said it's a scary time.
Howard asked what he did with his son. Andy said he stayed away from him for 13 days. He said he saw him yesterday for the first time. Howard asked when you know you're not contagious. Andy said it's a certain number of days and then he added one day.
Andy said he's not sure if you can get it again. Howard said Dr. Agus said you can get it again. Robin said you may be immune to it for a certain amount of time.
Andy said that if you get symptoms you have to self quarantine. He said he did that for his son. He said you can't panic. He said you just have to let it work through your system.
Howard said the other side of that is that people are dying and body bags are piling up. Robin said young people are dying too. She said it's not just one group that's dying. Howard said he saw a great video of this Dr. David Price talking about how to avoid it. He said it's 50 minutes long. Robin said try to get through that. Howard said you can build an immunity to it according to Dr. Price.
Andy asked who in the Wack Pack is going to get it. Howard said High Pitch Erik is probably going to get it. He said he keeps going down to his truck. He said he has to quarantine. He said just stay home.
Andy asked if they have seen Tiger King. Howard said he won't watch it. He said they will watch it but they started and they got bummed and stopped it.
Howard asked why he's upset with JD. Andy said he heard JD was trashing his show. Howard put JD on with Andy so they could talk. Andy said it was his first show back so he wasn't able to do something crazy. He said the show will get better. Andy said JD's home is a little nicer than he thought it would be. JD said he was not shitting on the show. He said all he shit on was Jerry O'Connell's internet connection. He said it had nothing to do with his show. Howard said JD's reviews are already shaking up Hollywood.
Howard asked Andy about his apartment and saw he had books up on his wall. He asked if he has any recommendations. Andy said he likes this book ''A Little Life'' but he's not sure if Howard would like that. He said Howard will like that Beverly Hills Housewives is coming back in 10 days. Howard and Andy spent a little time talking about that.
Andy asked how Howard's parents are doing. Howard said his mother actually called yesterday and they made up. He said she asked if he was angry at her and he stuck up for himself and said yes. He said she doesn't listen to him when he has information for her. Howard did his impression of his mom talking to him about all of that. Howard said he got through to her and she's going to listen to him now. He said he has to be able to sleep at night knowing he gave her information.
Andy asked how often he's on the phone with his psychiatrist. Howard said he's doing it 2 times a week. He said he needs all the help he can get.
Andy asked if Howard had the studio set up in his basement before this. Howard said he didn't and it was a big mistake. He said he should have put it in 15 years ago when Scott Greenstein asked him to.
Andy asked if he can plug two things. He said Watch What Happens Live is back this week. He said they have a lot of great guests coming up this week. Andy said that he also wanted to plug his inbox because his audience is so great at sending him dick pics. Howard asked what he does with them. Andy said he has to pass the time. He said he'll take anything that the fans want to send. Howard asked if he has seen John Mayer's penis. Andy paused but he said he has not. Howard thought that was a yes. He wrapped up and let Andy go a short time later.
Howard said he thinks he'll be back in the saddle again very soon.
Robin asked if he thought about bringing his parents to his house. Howard said he did in the beginning but they don't want to leave now. He said it's too late. Howard said his mom lived with him for 3 days when they had no heat. He talked about what a nightmare that was. He said they're all good now though. He said he sees there is more email but he has to end the show. He said he's exhausted.
Howard said he'll knock out some fan feedback. He went through some of the feedback they've gotten this week. He had something from Jillian Barberie who said the show sounds great. Howard said people wrote in about Robin and her insisting that warm water makes a difference when you wash your hands. Howard read about a scientist who weighed in about this. Howard read what he had to say and he did seem to agree that warm water helps.
Howard said maybe he did agree with Robin. Robin said more stuff goes off your hands when you use warm water.
Howard said he sees Robin and he knows what she's saying. He said they have done another show from their basements. Robin said it was a wonderful show. She said she loved that Adam Levine came on and Andy came on and talked about having Coronavirus.
Howard took a call from a guy calling from New Mexico. Howard asked if they have a lot of Coronavirus there. The caller said there are only 10 cases in their county. He said that Eric the Midget's shows sounded better than when they were on Zoom. Howard said they will continue to get better and better. He said they're working on a stage 2. The caller said he misses Robin's news but it's still fun.
Howard said he never did take a break today. He said he had a Coronavirus song parody to play but maybe they can save it for tomorrow. He had the guys play it. It was about social distancing.
Sal said he called his dad to get an update and all of a sudden he was telling him to play numbers in the lottery. Howard said his dad has Coronavirus and he went to the hospital for a while. He said he has to use an oxygen tank for the rest of his life. Sal said he has an aide that helps him out and he asked her to go to the store and play some numbers for him.
Howard played the call that Sal made to his dad. In the call Sal asked how he was feeling. Sal's dad said he feels good. He said he was in the bathroom. Sal asked him a couple of questions and then his dad started giving him numbers to play in the lottery.
Howard said his dad is such an addictive gambler that he had to play the numbers he saw while laying in bed.
Howard had Sal's dad on the line but it wasn't working. Howard asked what his name is. Sal said it's Tony. Howard asked if he's there again but it wasn't working. Robin asked if they're home now. Sal said they are home. He said he's surprised they made it through.
Howard asked Sal if he played the numbers. Sal said he did not. He said he will check them but he didn't play them. It was 6926.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Howard said he has no time. He said he gets up at the crack of dawn but he still has no time. He said he just burned his mouth with his hot water. He said he needs wireless ear buds. Robin said she has seen people wearing them. Howard said he has this hot water heater just out of his reach there. He said he has to address that.
Howard said he gets done with the show and he's so tired. He said he's exhausted and doesn't want to move things around. He said he's useless and angry after doing the show. He said he's old and cranky.
Howard said he goes upstairs angry and makes some oatmeal and that calms him down. He said that he's just hungry. He said the guys feed him when they work in the city. He said he can't bother Beth anymore to feed him. He said she's doing enough. He said she's so exhausted from cleaning and keeping the house nice. He said it's just weird.
Howard said he was up at 3 in the morning and he didn't want to be. He said Beth woke up and gave him sex. He said that knocked him right out. He said Mark the Bagger says pussy is the greatest, pussy is awesome. He said he's so right. He said he has to write that down in a journal.
Howard said he feels like he has to go to the bathroom but he has to hold it in during the show. He said his Metamucil is kicking in.
Robin said it sounded like Howard and Beth were going to make a date to do something yesterday. Howard said he had an appointment with his shrink so he did that phone call instead. He said she did get up at 3 in the morning. He said she had a stomach thing going on but that went away. He said maybe she had to fart.
Howard said he thought about coming down in a full suit for Beth to go on a date in the house. Robin said they should do that. Howard said he didn't do it.
Howard said Sal called random women and asked if they would rather have sex with Howard Stern or get Coronavirus. He said he didn't make out very well in that. He played the clip and most of the women were saying they'd rather have Coronavirus. One woman picked Howard. Howard said one out of 4 isn't bad.
Howard and Robin spent a little time talking about ventilators and how those work. Howard thought you had to be put in a coma to be put on one. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard said just take him if that happens. He said he can't deal with that. He said just end it all.
Robin said when she had surgery she was so happy not to remember the ventilator. She said sometimes you have to keep a person on it after they wake up from surgery. She said she was so happy she didn't have to do that.
Howard said Robin was a good nurse. He said she had to jerk off some guy. Robin said she never jerked anyone off. Howard said she mounted a patient. He said the guy had a bad self image and she was showing him that he didn't have to give up.
Howard had a phony phone call where they had fake Donald Trump call a Chinese restaurant to get information about Joe Biden and his son.
Howard said the idea that Governor Cuomo can't get ventilators there is ridiculous. He said it's like payback for not voting for Trump. He said if you want to get reelected then you have to play to this city. He said this is where everything happens. He said this is where people are motivated to work and get up no matter what. Howard said you can't just say we're not getting ventilators. Howard said he doesn't like this Trump being against New York.
Howard said he got some good news. He said they'll be talking to Jimmy Fallon today. Robin said she watched his show from Monday night. Howard said people are watching him from home. He said he should move his show there. He said he'll talk to him about that.
Howard said next Wednesday they're going to have someone who has never been on the show before. He said this person says he will come on and never does. Howard said it's Tom Brady. Robin said they haven't had a chance to talk about what happened with him. Robin said he moved to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Howard said they'll talk to him next Wednesday. He said he's excited to talk to him next week.
Howard said JD went over the whole thing yesterday. He asked why do it if it's not that good. JD said he doesn't know. He said it might be good.
Howard asked JD what he has to say. JD said he reviews the backgrounds and connections. He said the worst background was Seth Meyers. He said he changed locations and sat in a corner with a cat painting. He said it wasn't visually exciting. Howard said his background is the worst because it's just a wall. JD said they are on radio though. Howard said he shows his equipment there. He said he has a printer there to print out the notes for the show and stuff.
Howard said the printer is huge but it prints really fast. He said it shits out the pages. He said he printed out 45 pages in about a second.
Howard said he has a second microphone there just in case his main microphone craps out. He said he has a lot going on there. He showed Robin what he has going on. He said he's using a Newman TLN103 microphone.
Howard had JD go over the late night shows. JD said the best connection was Colbert and the worst was Kimmel again. He said it's very jarring to watch Jimmy's connection. JD said that it appears that they're recording it live to tape. Howard said Jimmy has AOL dial up so maybe that's the issue. He said you'd think ABC would do something to help.
JD said Elizabeth Warren had a great background on Seth Meyers. Howard asked if she has a nice backyard. JD said she does. He said it's very similar to Ellen's back yard.
JD said the best connections for the guests were Sophie Turner. He said the worst was Daniel Radcliff. He said he had no background and you just saw a plain background. He said his audio was bad too. He said he didn't have it for like 90 seconds. JD cut out as he was talking about that.
Robin said they have robot cameras set up for Jimmy Kimmel. She said she can't believe that his connection is that bad. JD said when he does his monologue and stuff it looks great but then it gets choppy and looks very odd. Howard asked if Colbert doesn't have that. JD said it's very crisp and clean like he's in his studio. Howard asked how Fallon is. JD said he records his stuff ahead of time on his iPhone. Howard said he's winning in the ratings now because of it.
Howard asked if anyone is wearing suits. JD said Kimmel and Colbert are. He said Colbert showed he wasn't wearing pants though. He said you could see the outline of his dick in his underwear. Howard asked if he would rather see them in suits or casual clothes. JD said Conan is causal. He was mumbling so Howard thanked him for the review.
Howard said no more April fools about the cure for the Coronavirus. He said he's sick of it. He said we get it. He said we all thought of the joke a month ago. He said he's sitting there worrying about what he's going to do when his washing machine breaks. He said he doesn't want anyone coming in there.
Howard said he sat on his toilet the other day and it started making weird noises. He said he can't have it break now. He said he's super delicate with everything.
Howard said he was talking to someone about Beth cleaning the house and they suggested getting someone to come in dressed in a ringworm suit to clean it. He said Beth said no when he suggested it. Robin said he may have infected her with what he has.
Howard said Chris Cuomo has Coronavirus and he's still doing his show for CNN from his basement. He said he's impressed. Robin said he has a mild case. Howard said if he gets Coronavirus he's not going to do this show. He said he's not going to be in his basement doing a show if he's sick.
Howard said the king of Thailand isolated himself with 20 women. He said he has a harem of 20 women and he's in complete isolation with them. He asked if you can imagine that. He asked how great that is. Robin said that's not great for the women.
Howard said he and Beth ordered a Roomba. He said he got some of those things that Robin suggested. Robin said it's an air cleaner. Howard said he's getting some of that stuff. Howard said he thought it would be like the Jetsons by now.
Howard took a call from a guy who kept saying ''Hey Howard...'' and not anything else. The caller said he wanted to thank him for the show yesterday. He said the interview with Adam Levine was awesome yesterday. He said people who are bitching about Trump can go screw themselves. He said Howard is bipartisan about he whole thing. Howard said he's really not. He talked about how he knows Trump won't change if he's on the air bitching about him. Howard said he's not going to go through that again.
Howard said Adam was great yesterday. He said it's interesting watching people function in this new reality. He said doing the show from his basement shows that he can pull it off. He said he doesn't think he'll see New York City again honestly. He said he thinks this is his permanent studio. He said his ass is going to be in that chair from now on.
Howard said it was interesting to see people getting real and letting their hair down. He said it's very interesting. Robin said she loves watching the news now. She said that they used to have teams putting people together and now they have to do it all themselves. Howard said just wait until you see his hair grown out. He said he was going to grow one of those long beards. He said he's not going to grow any facial hair though. He said he's shaving everything.
Howard said he isn't watching any television. He said Beth fills him in on the news. He said he can't watch news. He said he knows a bunch of people who are talking about what a piece of shit Bernie Sanders is. He said he must be staying in the race to fuck up Biden or something. Robin said she's not listening to much so she's not sure.
Robin said Sam Champion has gone grey. She said he's back on ABC. Howard said he didn't know that. He said good for him getting a job.
Howard said they're making it look easy on their show. He said last week Whoopi got a phone call while she was on her microphone at home. Howard played that clip. She actually answered the phone. Howard said he has called her at home and that's the way she talks. He asked who would call her while she's on the air. Howard said he turns off his phone when they're on the air.
Howard said he has some audio from a show on NECN where the caller had a really bad connection. He played that clip and the caller's connection kept cutting out.
Howard said Mark Cuban was on a Skype call and someone tried calling him while he was doing an interview. The host started laughing but they lost Mark.
Howard said he has to remember that trick to get out of the interview. He said he has gotten a lot of requests to do interviews. He said he can get out of them by playing the Skype ring.
Howard said Kelly Ripa and Ryan Seacrest had a guest without any audio. He played that clip and talked about what a ridiculous question it was that Kelly was asking. She was asking if Ryan is limber enough to do ballet. Howard said people are dying and that's what she's asking. Howard did his impression of what that show would sound like if the caller was on the line.
Robin asked if Ryan's doing all of his 19 shows from that house. Howard said he probably is. He said he's doing everything and he has a girlfriend. He said he's not sure how he has time for all of that.
Howard said Joe Biden tried to do a virtual town hall on Zoom and that didn't go well. He had some audio of that and it was really bad. The audio was stuttering. Howard said that sounds like Eric the Actor's show.
The caller said he would vote for Cuomo in a second for President. Howard said Cuomo is experiencing such popularity because he does an update and you get the sense he's not lying to you. He said we're all in this together and he makes it sound that way. Robin said he goes everywhere and he knows what's happening in the state. Howard said he was going to be on the show but he has to cancel because he's so busy. He said he loves that. He said if Gary told him he didn't have time to do puzzles with his wife he'd love that.
Beth showed up with Howard's strawberries. Howard thanked her and said he washed them last night in baking soda.
Howard asked Gary about the puzzle he's working on next. Gary said he has a Loony Toons puzzle. He said that he got it about 20 years ago. He said it's an 1100 piece puzzle.
Howard said Gary and his wife are watching 17 different TV shows. He said he'd like to hear that he doesn't have time for that but he does. Gary said they're playing pickle ball in the driveway too. He said they're trying to be active. Howard said he could book him up with a lot of activities. Gary said he's trying to be outside.
Howard asked what pickle ball is. Gary explained it to him and said he had to get stitches in his lip about 6 months ago because of it. Robin asked him to video a game for them so she can see it.
Gary said Cuomo wasn't able to come on today because he was working on the budget late last night. Howard said god bless that guy. He said he's glad he's not on the show today. Gary said Jimmy Fallon is ready to do the show.
Howard asked if Jimmy is going insane at home with the small kids. Jimmy said they're doing home schooling and thank god for his wife Nancy. Jimmy said he's learning a lot by the home schooling thing. He said hopefully by next week things will get back to normal.
Howard asked if he remembers going to his job and everyone sucked his balls. He said now he's got to teach math. Jimmy laughed. Howard asked if he's teaching. Jimmy said he is.
Howard talked to Jimmy about music and said he once asked him what the greatest song ever was. He said he didn't know and just said it was a Led Zeppelin song and Jimmy looked at him like he wanted to kill him. He said Adam talked about how he thinks a Beach Boys song was one of the greatest. He said he hates the Beach Boys but he didn't tell Adam that. Jimmy said they grew on him but they do sound kind of whiny. He sang some of their songs to demonstrate the whiny part.
Howard asked what the greatest song ever is. Jimmy asked if it's ''Alone Again Naturally?'' Howard said he has to give a real answer. Jimmy said it might be ''Hey Jude.'' Howard said no. He said that is not the greatest song ever. Jimmy said there are so many.
Howard asked who the best guitarist who ever lived is. Jimmy had to think about that and said Jimi Hendrix. Howard said that's correct. He said what about Eddie Van Halen. Jimmy said maybe he'll get on that list when he passes. He said he is fantastic.
Howard asked Jimmy if he was on an island and he had to feed someone to the sharks and he has Robert Plant and Mick Jagger. He asked who does he let live. Jimmy said he'd have to feed Robert Plant to the sharks. Howard said Jimmy is anti-Led Zeppelin.
Howard said he knows he loves Bruce Springsteen. That led to Jimmy doing his impression of Bruce for a short time. Howard asked who he throws to the sharks between Billy Joel and Bruce. Jimmy said that's tough. He said he thinks he knows Billy better so he'd have to kill Bruce. Howard said he hopes the media is listening to this. He said Jimmy wants to kill Bruce Springsteen.
Howard asked Jimmy what the most iconic riff is in rock and roll. He said Adam Levine said it was a Pink Floyd song. Howard asked Jimmy what he thinks. Jimmy said Guns N roses ''Sweet Child O Mine.'' Howard said now he's talking. He said this is better than when he put together his favorite Beatles songs of all time. He said he told him he didn't like the list and he got all upset.
Howard asked if he would kill Tina Fey or Amy Poehler if he had to choose. Jimmy said he'd have to save Tina. Howard said poor Amy.
Howard said people are loving Jimmy's shows lately. Jimmy said he has fun doing them. He said his kids pop into the videos. He said he's not sure how long they're going to be home so he had to figure out something. He said they did their last show on March 12th. He said they had no audience. He said people didn't know what to do so he told the staff to go home. He said he was just trying to keep their spirits up.
Howard asked about NBC hiring a crisis manager to help and that guy just said wash your hands. Jimmy said that is one of the big things he mentioned. He said he was trying to keep people calm. Jimmy said this reminds him of 9/11 and how it was there in the city. He said he was looking to the late night guys at that time. He said Letterman said there was only one requirement and that was to be courageous and pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing. Howard said he admires that he can remember things like that.
Jimmy said he Zoomed all of his producers and said they have to do something. He said they decided to do the show from his home. Howard said he likes seeing his home. He said he has pictures of Burt and Ernie in his house. He said he has been in there but he hasn't seen all of it. He asked if the house is more for him or his kids because it's like Pee Wee's Playhouse. Jimmy did his Pee Wee impression. He said it's really for the kids. Howard said it's kind of like Neverland Ranch.
Howard said you have to tune in to see what Jimmy is up to. He said he looks like Captain Kangaroo. Robin said they have a lemonade stand at his desk. Jimmy said that took 4 days to color in. He said by the end his kids didn't want to do it anymore. He said it was he and his wife finishing it up.
Howard said he might have to do the show from his house from now on. He said it's catching on. Jimmy said he just wanted to be out there and doing something to bring back normalcy. Howard asked how long he can keep it up. He asked if he can do it for a year. Jimmy said he doesn't know. He said he loves his wife so much and she hates being on camera but sometimes she's the guest.
Jimmy said they have a big show tonight. He said they have Lady Gaga and Joe Biden coming on. Howard said it's really interesting to see people performing from home. He said it was great having Adam Levine on yesterday. He said he did a Peter Gabriel song.
Howard asked Jimmy if he had to feed Lady Gaga or Madonna to the sharks, which one would it be. Jimmy asked when he has to do this by. He said he has Lady Gaga on the show tonight. Howard said just give an answer. Jimmy said he'd have to say Madonna would go to the sharks. He said she's pretty tough and might be able to fight off the sharks.
Howard said Jimmy said doing the show from home is like Rupert Pupkin in The King of Comedy. He said he's so right about that.
Howard said he thought that he did the best Sandler in that Saturday Night Live sketch where the whole Sandler family was there. He said he should teach his kids to do that. Jimmy did some of his Sandler impression. Jimmy said he does an impression from Knives Out with Daniel Craig's voice. He said he was southern and he did a weird accent. He did his impression of that for Howard and Robin.
Howard asked Jimmy about how it works when he's working on a new impression. Jimmy talked about how he tries to do the voice. Howard said Jimmy is sitting there watching that movie and he must obsess over that voice.
Jimmy asked if he has watched Tiger King at all. Howard said he doesn't like it. Jimmy said it is depressing. He said he got through 4 episodes. Howard said they got toward the end of the first one. He said he figured he has to watch to be in the know. Robin said it's a clash of a lot of weird accents. Jimmy said there are a lot of odd people in it. He said he hasn't seen so many weird people since Knives Out.
Howard asked Jimmy more about the impression thing and asked if he sits in a room doing them. Jimmy did his Howard voice but it wasn't quite there. Howard said he sounds like Carson or Alan Alda to him.
Howard said Saturday Night Live did a sketch with him. He said he's not sure who did it. Robin said Elon Gold did one. Gary said it was Michael McKean. Howard said that's it. He said he was way over the top with that impression. He said it was good.
Howard had Jimmy doing more impressions. He said he does a great Pee Wee, Sandler, Seinfeld and Chris Rock. He asked him to do some Chris Rock. Jimmy did some of that. He said his Sandler impression got him on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he did the Travolta impression too. Jimmy said he did that with Travolta recently. He said he did that movie that Fred Durst directed. Jimmy did some of that Travolta impression for Howard.
Jimmy said that Kate McKinnon does a great Giuliani. He said he saw her doing it when he was over there one day. He said when she had the wig and everything on he thought it was brilliant.
Howard asked Jimmy if he thinks they didn't have him do a lot of impressions over there at Saturday Night Live. Jimmy said he was young and he only wanted to do a character once and then never do it again. He said he should have done it a bunch of times. He said he never thought about doing them more than once.
Howard said Eddie Murphy would latch on to something and go for it over and over. He said people loved it. He said same with Jim Breuer. He said you do it over and over and people like it. Howard said he's shocked that Lorne didn't ask him to do them over and over.
Jimmy talked about doing a Al Pacino impression and how there are like 3 different impressions that you can do. He demonstrated each of the three generations of Al.
Howard said that is so fucking funny and such a brilliant observation. He said he thinks Lorne may not have known how to use Jimmy correctly on Saturday Night Live. Jimmy said he knows what he's doing. He said they have to pace themselves. He said Ben Stiller came on and he told Lorne that they have to have him do Sandler and Lorne said they have to let him work into it. Then he said they have to call Adam to make sure it's alright. They actually did that.
Howard asked about writing a sketch and how they have to write so the character sounds like the character. Jimmy did his Sandler impression and talked about how he had different kinds of speaking voices.
Howard said impressions are the best. He said he was up against some guys who did some impressions every day and they beat the shit out of him.
Jimmy brought up Dicky Goodman and the bits that he did with music. Howard said he and Fred wrote some bits about that. He said it was absurd stuff. He said the guy milked it to death. Jimmy said maybe he'll work on something like that next.
Howard said he's talking to Jimmy and having dinner with him. He said they were talking about music and he gave him 20 questions in a row about music. He said he asked Jimmy if he has ever heard Buzzy Linhart. He said Jimmy said ''Who?'' He said he blew his mind when he heard him. Howard said he just died recently. Jimmy asked if he had a hit song. Howard said he wrote ''Friends'' for Bette Midler. Jimmy said he loves one hit wonders. He said he loves hearing about those performers. Howard said he's fascinated with them too.
Howard said he interviewed the guy who wrote that one hit. Gary said it was Norman Greenbaum and the song was ''Spirit in the Sky.'' He said he had one hit and he lived off of it.
Howard went through some one hit wonders with Jimmy. He asked if he knows who sang ''Ride Captain Ride.'' Jimmy didn't know. Howard said it was Blues Image.
Howard asked if he has ever tried to write a real song. Jimmy said he tried to in high school.
Howard said Neil Young is one of the greatest song writers ever. He said he keeps turning out hits. Jimmy said Bob Dylan has a new song out. He did an impression of Bob for Howard. Howard asked what happened to his voice. Jimmy did it like he was Wolfman Jack. Howard said Bob Dylan's new song is 17 minutes long. He asked what the fuck is up with that.
Howard asked who wrote ''Mambo No. 5.'' Jimmy wasn't sure. Howard said he should know this. Howard said it was Lou Bega. Jimmy said that's right. He laughed.
Howard asked Jimmy what concert was his first. Jimmy said he saw Weird Al Yankovic. He said Dr. Demento opened for him. Howard said Dr. Demento was a professor of Jazz at UCLA. He said he was a serious guy. Howard said his friend Lou went out there and took his class. He said he almost flunked because it was so hard. Jimmy said he met Dr. Demento once in L.A. He said he went out there and he was wearing a tux and converse sneakers. He said he had two pretty girls next to him. He said he introduced himself and he was like ''Yeah, nice to meet you man.'' He said he kind of blew him off.
Jimmy said he met Lumpy Rutherford from Leave it to Beaver once too. He said Lumpy asked him if he wanted his autograph at this event he was at. He said he got the autograph and then the guy told him that he wasn't really Lumpy. He said he wondered what kind of gag that is. Howard said that's a great story. He said what a weird character to fake.
Howard and Jimmy talked about how lucky they are to have wives that they really love and get along with during this quarantine. Howard said there are already a lot of divorces happening because of it.
Howard asked Jimmy how he's handling it with the kids and all of that. Jimmy said he tells them how to wash their hands and he does it like Mr. Wizard, Don Herbert. He said he demonstrated what soap does to wash away the virus.
Howard said they say that divorces are happening because the market is low and it's cheaper to get out. Jimmy said that wouldn't work for him. He said he isn't in the market so much. He said he's trying to pay off everything he owns now.
Howard asked if he's been in touch with Lorne during this crisis. Jimmy said he has and he's stuck out of the country. He said he was on vacation and got stuck where he was.
Howard asked what he's going to do the rest of the day. Jimmy said the kids start school now. He said his 5 year old, Frannie, starts now. Howard said just skip school. He said they're just going to fuck it up. Jimmy said Winnie is up now and she starts at 9:30. He said he starts talking to his producers around 11. He said they have Marcus Mumford on tonight as well as Lady Gaga and Joe Biden. He said they have to go over all of that.
Howard said he must miss being at work. Jimmy said he misses everything. He said the staff has been great. Howard said he's actually getting his own food. He said he didn't get into the business to print out his own papers.
Howard asked if he wants to stay on the next two hours to keep from home schooling. Jimmy said he can do that. He said he can ask more questions about who to feed to the sharks.
Howard talked about what a great guy Jimmy is. He said he has to thank him for getting his mind off the Coronavirus today. Howard said he has a great wife too. He asked him to profess his love for his wife. Jimmy talked about what a great person she is and how beautiful she is. He said she's really smart too. Howard said now he's on an island with Nancy and Lorne Michaels. He asked who he feeds to the sharks. Jimmy asked what time of day this is. Howard said it's 9:07 in the morning. Jimmy said Lorne would be asleep and he'd feed him to the sharks.
Howard asked who he'd kill, the Beatles or The Rolling Stones. Jimmy said that's a tough one. He said he thinks he'd kill the Rolling Stones. He said that Keith Richards would somehow make it through.
Howard said this is a desperate Jimmy Fallon trying to stay on so he doesn't have to get back to house work. Howard asked him to kill one more, Kimmel or Colbert. Howard said he knows who it is. He said go ahead. Jimmy said he can't do that. Howard said he has to kill one of them. Jimmy asked if he can throw Madonna back. Howard said just say one name and they'll end it. Jimmy said they're both friends. He said he doesn't know. He said Kimmel has a young family. He said Colbert has a big family. Howard said take your time. Jimmy said he'd kill Colbert. Howard said he knew it.
Jimmy brought up the time that Howard saved a bird with Kimmel. He said he didn't go o the walk that day but his wife did. Howard said Kimmel and Nancy were talking and it looked like they were on a romantic walk together. Jimmy said he heard they broke into a guy's house and the guy was shocked it was Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said they did have to get to a phone and the guy was kind of shocked.
Howard said he brought Kimmel over to Fallon's house and he loved seeing them together. He said they were shooting daggers a each other. He said they actually got along even though they secretly hate each other.
Howard asked Jimmy to give a message of hope to the people out there. Jimmy said we can all get through this. He said just be kind and we'll get through it and come out stronger. Howard said tune into his show tonight. He said the virus is in retreat after hearing those words. Howard said they've heard it all and Jimmy has said it all. He wrapped up and let Jimmy go a short time later.
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Robin said that Crazy Rich Asians is another one on the list. Howard said that was fabulous too. Robin said go watch that again. Howard said those are some talented Asians. Robin went through a few more movies on the list. She said Book Smart was one.
Howard said he saw that Netflix has a movie with Brad Pitt as a hitman. He said he has to watch that. He said he's watching Dark Phoenix again. He said he likes all of those super hero movies.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from Montana. Howard said he wishes he was in Montana. He said he's jealous. The caller said he just moved there from South Dakota. He said Howard should come out there. Howard said if he was in Montana he'd think he can't get Coronavirus but then you go to the country store and you can get it there. Howard said they'll get it there too. The caller said it's there but not as bad as other places. He said it's beautiful out there. He said he was driving around and it's really nice there. Howard said there are 198 cases out in Montana so it's there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked for some staff updates. Howard said he has one. He said Richard's dad should be prepared for something like this. He said he has some voicemails to play. He said Richard's birthday is today actually. Robin said he must be like 50 now. Howard said he's 46.
Howard got Richard on and asked how he's doing. He said he heard he bought $1000 in alcohol since this thing started. Richard was down in his basement calling in. Howard asked what he bought. Richard said wine and beer so they're prepared in case the stores close.
Howard said Richard's dad is a real man and they can survive without the grocery store. He said it was like his dad was laughing at the rest of us in the voicemails. Howard said they have been quarantining out there in Kansas. Their closest neighbor is a mile away. He said they have plenty of frozen deer, frogs and things like that. He said they have plenty of guns and bullets too. Richard said he has like 15 guns or so. He said he can make his own ammo. Richard said he used to like lighting the gun powder. He said he almost burned their house down when he was a kid.
Howard said he has some voicemails to play from Richard's Dad. He said he finally got an iPhone so he sounds clear in the voicemails now. Howard played one where Richard's Dad talked about being able to go out and run around and do stuff around the farm. He said he can't go get the newspaper though. He said they do spray their hands when they get the mail. He talked about having flathead catfish yesterday.
Howard said life hasn't changed at all for them. Richard said they have a deep freeze that has food in it from like 20 years ago that they could still eat. Howard asked if he's growing a beard. Richard said he is. He said he's going to see how long he can grow it out. Howard said he was trying but Beth doesn't want any part of that. He said he keeps the stubble because it makes him look handsome.
Howard said Richard has watched the last 8 minutes of the latest Super Bowl hundreds of times over and over again. Richard said it cheers him up and keeps his mind off of all of this stuff. He said he screams and yells about it like he did the first time unless his son Bubby is sleeping. Howard said he has to come up with a better name than that. He said his dad calls him Bub and he calls his son Bubby.
Howard played another voicemail from Richard's Dad who was talking about finding food out in the woods. They were looking for wild mushrooms.
Howard said his dad must feel vindicated now that he can fend on his own. Richard said he may head out west to their farm if things get much worse. Robin said he may shoot him if he shows up on the farm.
Howard played a clip of Richard's Dad talking about the food they have in their freezer and how people shouldn't even think about coming to their farm. He mentioned they have 3 deer in their freezer. Robin said it must be huge. Richard said it's like the size of half a room.
Howard said someone asked if he's prepared for this. He said he has some food that will last him like 4-5 months. He said the food is good for like 25 years and it should be good for 4-5 months is they have to start eating it. He said he's like High Register Sean now. He said just call him High Register Howie.
Robin asked if he has tried the food. Howard said not yet but it looks good in the pictures. Howard said he even has cat food for the cats. He said he's become a prepper. Robin asked if he ever considered that he'd have to hide. She said he has to have things to cook with. Howard said he's ready for those people who may come looking for him.
Robin said she won't be around to hear how it works out. She said she's going and she doesn't like hardship. Howard said she's not going anywhere.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a very deep voice so Robin and Howard got distracted by that. The caller said he was thinking about the talk about him not being critical of Donald. He said he remembers Howard running for office and being controversial and all of that. Howard said never mind that, would he please describe the size of his balls with that voice. The caller, Casey, said he does a little AM station out there in California. Howard asked him to do his call letters. Casey said he can't do that. Howard asked if his on air name is DJ Lurch. He said he's picturing a guy with two coconuts between his legs. Casey kept bringing up the political stuff so Howard cut him off and talked about his voice again. Casey kept going back to Trump and how he thinks Howard agrees with him on a lot of things. Howard had to let him go. He said even that great voice can't save that call.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she is living at home with her whole family trying to do the home schooling thing. She said that Howard is the only normal thing in her life. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go.
Howard read some fan feedback about Adam Levine's appearance yesterday. He said they got a lot of positive feedback about Andy Cohen too. He read through some of that.
Howard said Andy wrote to Gary after the show and said he has to thank them for the dick pics that he asked for. Gary said High Pitch Erik sent him one.
Howard said a lot of people are enjoying the shows from the bunker. He read through some of that feedback.
Howard said that Will Murray was on and his wife tested positive for Coronavirus. He said that people were happy to hear him talking about how you can survive it.
Howard said fans wrote in about the painting he did with his cat Helen and the sneaker. Howard said he uses Arches watercolor paper. He said he's not sure how long it took to do it but people were asking. He said people were asking about the process and he'd like to show it but he can't turn his hobby into work. He said this is enough work.
Howard said Chris Wilding thinks Andy faked his Coronavirus. Robin said don't be ridiculous. Howard got Chris on to talk about that. Chris asked what symptoms he had. He said he thinks he just wanted a break. Howard told him he's out of his mind and go back to your quarantine.
Howard said he's going to end the show. He said that's it. He said he's going to go make lunch now. Robin said she hopes he has oatmeal in his food buckets. Howard said they double as a coffee table in his home. He said he won't be sharing them with Robin. Robin said she doesn't want him to.
Howard asked what Robin is having for lunch. Robin said she's going to have some eggs. She said they're real eggs and not the powdered stuff. Howard said he's not using that stuff until he has to.
Howard said they'll find out what Tom Brady is up to next week. Robin said he is a very attractive man. Howard said they can't have her interested in every guest. Robin said have a wonderful weekend. Howard said everyone stay safe. Robin said this is the one time you can save all of humanity by laying around and doing nothing. Howard said he has been saving humanity since he was a child. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 9:50am.
After replaying Monday's show they moved on to Tuesday's show replay.