Howard demonstrated for Robin what comes up when he types it in. He was going on and on and had to type in almost the whole thing. He said then he hits go and it comes up. He said you have to be fucking kidding him. Robin said you have to be careful about that stuff because Visa and Mastercard are investigating their relationship with YouPorn. She said they say that YouPorn has been accused of having child pornography or something on their site. Howard said he hopes not. He said he likes that site.
Howard said he's been watching the same one over and over again there. He said it's the one with the female teacher and her two students that he talked about. He said he's never watched things twice. He said he has another favorite about a nerd who comes over. He said this girl is wearing hot pants with her ass hanging out. He said she's almost naked in this video. He said she has the high socks with sneakers to make her look like she's in high school. He said she's over there and she's a nitwit. He said the nerd's sister is friends with this girl. He said the girl goes to the bathroom and tells the friend that she's going to fuck her brother. He said the sister says he's a end and the girl thinks he's hot so she's going to fuck him. He said then she's blowing him 3 seconds later. He said he's done a short time later. He said then he stops watching it. Howard said he knew she was going to fuck him totally.
Howard said he's into weird shit. He said it's not outrageous stuff but it is weird. He said he likes the girl laying on her side with her buttocks showing. He said that makes him blow his load. He said that it's embarrassing at his age to be doing this. He said he should be like Henry Kissinger by now.
Howard said they must have meetings over there at Apple about that stuff. He said that it happens every time to him though. He said he starts typing and it never gets to YouPorn until he's almost done typing it. He said he's not sure what's going on.
Howard said he's not looking up Yogurt. He said he's looking for YouPorn. He said they're trying to discourage him and make him a better man. Robin said that's not a bad thing. Howard said they must want him to get distracted and go somewhere else. He said it's such an uptight society. Robin said maybe they want you to go to YouPoop.
Howard said he watched Saturday Night Live with Dave Chappelle again. He said he watched the Foo Fighters on there. He said he didn't see them when it aired the first time. He said he saw them doing a brand new song called ''Shame, Shame.'' He said the song was really good. He said he likes when he likes a new song right away. He said these days you have to have your own opinion about music. He said he thought the song was really good. He asked if Robin liked it. Robin said she did. Howard said he saw ''Shame, Shame'' and thought it was really good.
Howard played the performance and said that he always looks at Dave to see if he has gum in his mouth when he performers. He said he didn't see it this time. Robin said she thinks she did. Howard said she must be seeing things.
Howard said he doesn't know how you make money with music anymore. He said these guys must be. He asked why they'd get together if they're not.
Howard said the song is pretty good. He said it grows on you. He said he thinks he likes this. He said he's never quite sure. Robin said if they had a girl dancing around he'd be into it. Howard said they did have some young black women background singers. He said he did like that. Howard said it's a good song. Fred played Robin singing some stuff behind the song.
Howard asked Gary what he has to say. Gary said the story that Robin was talking about was PornHub, not YouPorn. He said that on the site if you put in something about girls under 18 they get a ton of results. He said he never believes that on those sites because the women always look 40. Howard said it's known that they're older women pretending to be younger. He said they pretend by putting socks on to their knees to make them look young.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can throw a link up to the videos he's talking about because he can never find them. Howard said that would be kind of creepy. He said he doesn't like sharing. He said he used to have friends who would text him porn links and he thought it was creepy.
The caller said that he used to do that with VHS tapes back in the day. He said that he would mark the tapes at the times he'd get off so his buddies would know when they rented it. Howard said he feels dirty just talking to this guy. He said it's really creepy.
Howard said he gets people texting him their favorite porn and he didn't want to know about that. He said there was someone that Robin knows who would do that. He said that's something you should keep to yourself. He asked what's next.
Robin said it's weird that they want you to get off on what they get off on. Howard said he doesn't want to know what Gary masturbates to. He said he doesn't want to share his porn with Gary. He said maybe Fred but not Gary. Howard said he's not sure what that was about.
Howard said he doesn't want his daughters knowing he jerks off. He said he tried to give it up. Robin said he has announced that a few times. Howard said even his wife tells him to go jerk off. He said she hears him talking about it so she tells him to just go jerk off. He said he doesn't want her to tell him that. He said she should be angry about it. He said she's like ''do me a favor, go jerk off.''
Gary said he had a friend whose wife kept finding their son's porn searches on the computer. Gary said the guy told his son he had to stop and the kid said he knows but it's just so hard.
Howard said there are a lot of kids who start watching porn young and they have all of these moves. He said when he started he was just doing missionary. He said that he would be doing all kinds of crazy stuff if he started early. He said he needs porn.
Howard said he thinks part of the problem in the world is that so many countries are repressive and don't allow their men to look at porn. He said men would be much more relaxed if they jerked off. Robin said that's the theory but here the phone is plentiful and men become addicted to it. Howard said better to be addicted to it than subject women to men's angry shit.
Howard read more feedback about Jeff and said that his calls do inspire songs. He played a song parody about Jeff being boring when he calls in. Howard said that was very nice. Robin said that's every call right there.
Howard said Jeff is always complaining about not getting enough air time. He said Robin once suggested he write an essay about why he should be on the show. Robin asked if he ever did it. Howard said he's working up to that. Howard played a clip from the time they told Jeff to write the essay. They said it should be 500 words.
Howard said Jeff actually followed through. He said he wrote an essay and it's very boring and whiny. He played the intro for the essay that Jeff was reading. In the clip Jeff said he thinks he's just as funny or more funny than all of the other frequent callers that Howard picks up on. Jeff said he has contributed a lot of content to the show over the years. He said it's more than any other Wack Packer in the history of the show.
Robin asked if he has any evidence to go along with that. Howard said no. He said its like a tremendously slow Gettysburg address. He said it was 500 words if you were wondering.
Howard played another clip where Jeff talked about how his history on the show. He talked about the first time he was on the show and droned on about how great he was.
Howard said Shuli has the new Jeff the Drunk Puppet. He asked how he got that. Shuli said his neighbor bought the puppet for his kids and he saw it in his trash because it freaked the kids out. Shuli said he thought he could make it into Jeff. Robin said how appropriate. Shuli said he found stuff to dress it up in the store. He said he even has a sling for his arm. Howard talked to the puppet and Shuli did his Jeff impression where he yells at Howard about not letting him on the show enough.
Howard said Shuli is so good with the impression that he never has to pick up on Jeff again. Shuli did his impression of Jeff smoking weed and coughing in his unique way. He had Howard cracking up.
Howard said he wants to see him take another hit. Shuli did his bit and had Jeff coughing in that awkward way he does. He had Robin and Howard laughing. Howard said he has to get that puppet up on the app. He said it's really funny.
Howard had another clip of Jeff asking them to book Kenny Rogers so he can sing with him on the show. Howard played that clip and Jeff talked about Kenny Rogers and how he'd like to sing with him. Howard said he did record this before Kenny died.
Howard asked Shuli about why Jeff says things that don't sound quite right. Shuli said that he had a stroke but he won't admit it. He said it has affected his speech. He said it sounds like he was given some tranquilizers.
Howard had Shuli do more of the impression where he slurs his words. Howard took a call from real Jeff who said he never had a fucking stroke. He said he's not sure why Shuli is saying that. He said that he had Bell's Palsy. He said he never had a stroke. Shuli said he thought people get Bell's Palsy from having a stroke. Jeff said he never heard anything about that.
Howard said he does that thing where he sounds like he's saying the words wrong. He said when he said ''seems to think'' it sounded like ''jeans to think.'' Jeff repeated ''seems'' and asked if he has to over annunciate like George Takei. Jeff said he has a voice like that because he had a tracheotomy.
Howard said Jeff talks about how hard it was to be a Wack Packer in his essay. He played a clip of Jeff talking about that. Jeff said it looks like from the outside there are a lot of benefits. He said he loves the show so much that this is the price he'll happily pay.
Howard said in 2020 it's very hard to be a Wack Packer. Robin asked why he keeps doing it. Howard said he loves the show. Robin said that the trolls are always after him though. Jeff said that they love when you talk about them so he's not sure why Howard does that. He said he did that with Beth's trolls last week.
Shuli said Jeff sent his trolls pictures of his dick. Jeff said he didn't do that. He said that they want to see his dick. Howard asked how many women he thinks are dying to see his dick. He said it's always a dude. Jeff said that was in the past so let the past be. Shuli said that was weeks ago in Jeff's voice.
Jeff said he realizes that he won't pick up every day. He said he gets that but he's talking about in how in context of speaking to the Wack Packers he has a history with him and he used to pick up on him all the time and talk to him for hours. He said he didn't need help from anyone. Shuli said he's ruining the segment where Howard is talking about him trying to get more time on the show. Howard said they spent 2 hours last week with Jeff hearing him whine about not getting enough air time. He said today they had a follow up with the fan feedback and had a nice segment. He said he just said goodbye and Jeff won't let him go. Jeff said he was just clarifying and not complaining. He said he's agreeing with him.
Howard said they should do a show where he teams up with Jeff and has a whole show about him. Jeff said that sounds good. Howard said wait by the phone for that call.
Howard asked the Jeff Puppet if he has anything else to day. Shuli did his Jeff impression and said that he thinks having another segment or 2 about him wouldn't hurt. He said he brings a lot to the table. Howard said sure he does. He asked him to remind him what that is. Jeff said he can smoke pot. Howard said even with the puppet it's hard to bring content.
Howard asked Shuli if he could connect the tube into his throat area and have smoke come out. Shuli said he can do that. He said he'll have a trache set up by this afternoon. Howard said they'll have the puppet up on the app this afternoon. He said that would be funny to have smoke coming out of the puppet. Shuli said the puppet is highly flammable too.
Howard read about how some people became fans of Miley's after that interview. He read some of that feedback.
Howard said some of the fans did not like that they had trolls after Beth when she posted about having a cat for the Biden's. Howard read through some of that.
Howard said someone wrote that they can tell Beth doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Howard said the only time she does is when he enters her with his penis.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching HBO a couple of weeks ago and Kristen Stewart is in a movie called Underwater and it's like Alien. He said she's almost naked in the whole movie. He said he would love it. Howard said he has to write that down. Robin said he's getting a pen now. Howard wrote it down.
Robin asked how that's different than a guy sharing a porn with him. Howard sad this is a movie recommendation.
Robin said when the Invisible Man came out streaming she thought it was terrible. She said she was really enjoying it in her home. She said she likes to go to the theater to see movies though. She said she did feel that this was the death knell for movie theaters unless they do something different.
Howard said they say that movie stars aren't making as much money as they used to make because of this. He said they don't make the kind of money they used to with a movie. Robin said that's because they're not able to bring in the people to the theaters and they can all watch for one price at home.
Howard said that everyone wants to stay home and watch there. Robin said they have these virtual rides and the theaters could do something different to bring people in. She said they could do a virtual reality thing with people.
Howard said Robert Downey Jr. got out of playing Iron Man at just the right time. He said Robin's idea is to bring people into a Virtual Reality thing and would he get fucked in the ass in Brokeback Mountain if they did that. Robin said you might want to watch that at home.
Howard said The Mandalorian is terrific on Disney+. He said it's great but they release things once a week. Robin said she watched the whole thing. Howard said he likes it all coming out at once. Robin said she has The Child doll. Robin said it's not Baby Yoda. Howard said everyone calls it Baby Yoda.
Howard brought up the vaccine and Robin said she's announcing that she's willing to be one of the first people to take it. She said that we're just behind Franc with the number f people who are willing to take it. Howard said that if Robin takes it then everyone will be willing to take it. Robin said this is what happened with the Polio vaccine. Robin said one of the first people to take the vaccine was Elvis. She said because of that people were willing to take it.
Howard said the odds of getting the vaccine quickly are very slim. He said that people ask him if he's going to take it. He said he's in no rush. He said he would like one though. He said that he saw that Rudy Giuliani got it so he'll probably get the same thing that Trump got. Robin said he didn't help Chris Christie. Howard said he's not sure about that.
Robin said she's thinking about contacting Governor Cuomo to ask if he wants her help with the vaccine. She said she has preexisting conditions and she is a black female so she's willing to do it. Robin said she took the Swine Flu vaccine when she was in the military. She said she did that to prove it was safe back then.
Howard said he's going to make an announcement too. He said he is thinking about possibly renewing his contract or maybe not. Fred played the Journey song again like Howard was going to do the Sopranos ending thing again.
Robin said she was thinking that this might be a good thing for her to try. Howard said it is a good thing. He said he's scared about the vaccine thing too. He said that he is paranoid about something that a friend told him. He said that they have to keep one of the vaccines at -70 degrees. He said this doctor friend he knows tells him that they may not pack this stuff right so he has a lot of fears and questions about the vaccine. He said that he'd have to look into that.
Howard said the staff are paranoid about the vaccine too. He said one of his daughters said she read if you're a woman who is thinking about getting pregnant in the next 10 years that you should not get the vaccine. He said he has an article about that. He read through some of that where they talk about this 10 year thing.
Howard said that they have not tested pregnant women with the vaccine yet. He said they don't have an approved vaccine yet and a lot of people have questions. Robin said they're not sure if it will be effective in 10 years. Howard said they may end up with a lot of people like Beetlejuice with this.
Howard said Memet who works for them volunteered for the vaccine trials but he wasn't accepted. He said he looks like his hair has all fallen out though. Howard got Memet up on the camera and Memet said that he shaved it all off.
Memet said he's following the rules and they're looking for people who are taking risks to go out for the trials. Howard asked why she shaved his head. Memet said he did it just because he's stuck inside not doing anything. Howard it was nice that he volunteered.
Howard said he called his mother and she was talking about this whole virus. He did his impression of his mother talking about how tough it is for them to be stuck inside. Howard said he and Beth have been doing the same thing. He said his mother wanted to know if they're going to get the vaccine. Howard said she looks to him for guidance. He said he's not sure what's happening. He said his plan is to wait for the vaccine. He said he's not a front line health care worker or anything like that. He said he's just going to wait.
Howard said he's going to call his doctors and ask for their opinion once the vaccines are available. He said he told his mother that she can't just go out right after she gets this one shot. He said there are two shots for some of the vaccines. He said he told her that and she didn't get why they have to take two shots.
Howard did more of his impression of his mother talking about the vaccine and had his dad asking what they were talking about and not hearing what his mother was saying.
Howard had his mom talking about what they had for breakfast and things like that. He had his mother talking about his dad drinking 4 cups of coffee every day with lunch.
Howard asked his mother how his father sleeps with 4 cups of coffee in him. He had her telling him that he sleeps wonderfully. Howard said this is his conversation every time he calls. He said he can't ask his mother how she's doing or she start with the tears. He said she talks about how she has to take care of his father but she's no spring chicken so she has to do what she has to do.
Howard said she asked his mother what she has to do for him and she said she has to get him lunch. Howard said he could get his own lunch. He had his mother change the subject when he'd ask her about just how bad it can be. He said that his mother loves Beth and she got on the phone with her the other day. Howard said his mother calls Beth an angel. Howard said Beth decorated their apartment so they thank her even though he paid for it all. He said that he has steam coming out of his ass while this conversation is happening.
Howard said with the vaccine he thinks his mother has to get it. Robin said the queen is going to get it and she's 94. Robin said that's what inspired her.
Howard said most of the staff said they will take it immediately. He said Sal is going to wait 3 months. Robin said he got Minoxodil from India but he's waiting 3 months. Howard he also smokes that skull and crossbones stuff.
Howard said Benjy wants to wait. He said most of the staff think Howard will take it immediately. He said some of the staffers are worried about side effects. He had some things that Sal thinks he can get from it. They're side effects that haven't even been mentioned. He said JD is afraid of anything that might kill him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got the vaccine already. The caller said that he was part of the trials and he got his in July and got his follow up 21 days later. He said he got an antibody test later on and he definitely got it. He said he had some side effects like an arm that hurt. He said he had achy joints the next day. He said he felt tired but he woke up and felt back to normal the next day.
Howard asked if he's restricted in any way. The caller said he was one of the people who wasn't hunkering down. He said he has been exposed to 3 or 4 people who had it and he hasn't gotten it. Howard asked if he can still spread it. Robin said there are questions about that and how contagious you might be to others. The caller, Chris, said that he talked to a doctor about it for about 6 hours. He said they don't know yet about a lot of this. He said the vaccine was developed about 10 years ago for SARS and grey changed it for this new virus. He said this vaccine has been around a long time.
Howard said if a bunch of us get it then we can get back to normal. He said the side effects seem to be minimal. He said he had a reaction to the Shingles vaccine. He said he was sick for about 2 days with that. Chris said it's nothing like the shingles vaccine. He said it's well worth it not to get COVID.
Robin said one thing she's hearing is that they may have other vaccines in the future. She said that COVID isn't going away so they may have to get shots every year like with the flu.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a reaction to the vaccine. It was the guys playing Beetlejuice clips. Howard had a short conversation with him about the vaccine. They had Beetlejuice throwing up a bunch.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to more stuff. He said the may be able to clean out the computer today. Howard got in a Mugsy Jeans commercial before going to break.
Howard came back and took a call from a woman who said she's a nurse and she just started listening to the show and she loves it. She said she was reading an article about the vaccine. She said she's a nurse and she has some reservations about it. She said that 1 in 200 people are dying from COVID but she's still questioning the long term effects of the vaccine. She said you have to figure out what's best for you. She said she's still on the fence about the whole thing.
Howard said everyone is getting charged up. He said that we all have to buy into it or it's going to be a mess. Howard said the vaccine isn't here today. He said we don't have it yet. He said that he can't get it yet. He said once it comes out there will be a lot more information. He said he was always amazed when this Lasik surgery started and people ran to get it right away. He said he thought people were wild to get that but they don't know the long term effects. The caller, Angel, said she could die walking out to check her mail. She said they're important but people are dying from this virus. She said she's going nuts about the people not wearing masks. She said that she's trying to protect others by wearing a mask. Howard said she's right about that. He said that people are just dicks about the masks.
Howard said we'll have to see what happens. Angel also said that the Bell's Palsy thing is a viral thing so it's not caused by a stroke. Howard thanked her for the call.
Robin said she knows she has to go through some steps before she takes the vaccine but she'll share everything she finds out about it with everyone.
Howard said he got an email from a friend of his and she told him that she retired. He said that she quit her business and she's painting now. He said he's wondering what he's doing with his life. He said that he would like to be upstairs just painting right now. He said maybe it's time to hang up the microphone. Robin said maybe if that's how he feels. Robin said they went through this last week with Howard from the future.
Howard asked Trump about the election and Trump said that he didn't lose because of the dumps that they were talking about. Howard asked if he has any evidence of fraud. Trump told him not to talk to him that way. He said he's the president. He said they have so much evidence that it's stacked high in the White House. He said that they had the evidence on tractor trailers that was stolen by Antifa.
Howard asked Trump about the evidence they had and what that was. Trump said that they learned that they have dead people voting and there are more dead people than living people. He said there's massive fraud out there because of the many dead people.
Howard asked if Bill Barr said that there was no fraud. Trump said he's a shitty person and no one likes these guys. He said he has to figure out who keeps hiring these idiots. Robin said he hired them. Trump said he didn't hire anyone.
Howard asked Trump about COVID and how over 280,000 people have died in the United States so far. Trump said they have to stop the counting of the dead people until they know what's going on.
Howard asked Trump to give us some hope by making a statement. Trump said that Eric will get a test and then Ivanka and then Don Jr. and Melania. He said that Melania will only get half a dose so she doesn't gain any weight. He said Rudy Giuliani will be back up and running soon so he can keep these lawsuits up.
Howard asked Trump what he's going to do next month if he does leave. Trump said he's not leaving. He said if he does he will be launching Trump TV. Howard wished him luck on all of that and tried to let him go. Trump offered Robin a job at his network. Robin said she can't leave Howard. Howard said she could do two jobs. Robin said she'll have to talk to him about money. Howard said that Robin can start every show by taking a vaccine. Howard let him go after that.
Robin read about the woman Howard was talking about and she was 27. Howard said she's good looking too. He said there are men who are listening to the radio right now and can't get laid. He said that Harvey has a way with the women somehow.
Howard said Beth told him about this woman Alexandra Vino who's dating Harvey. He said she's just 27 years old. He said so many guys must feel like losers after reading this.
Robin asked if you would date a woman who dated Harvey Weinstein. Howard said when he was younger yes. He said that it would be great if Bill Cosby stole her from Harvey.
Howard took a call from fake Alexandra who was actually played by clips of Wendy the Slow Adult. The guys played her answering yes to everything Howard asked her. Howard said he just read that Harvey dumped her for someone younger. They had Wendy almost throwing up.
Howard said he's so excited about the movies coming out on HBO Max. He said Suicide Squad will be out on streaming services. He said he's so excited about that.
Howard said Rudy Giuliani was at some hearing in Michigan and he ended up farting. He said this woman that Rudy found was really annoying and loud. He said that all kinds of shit came out about her after this hearing. Howard played some audio of the woman at the hearing and she was just going on and on and not letting anyone ask her questions. Howard said Giuliani had to shush her.
Howard played another clip from the hearing where the woman was arguing with the guys in the room. Howard said then Rudy farted. He said there are two he believes. He played a clip of one fart that came out and then another. Robin said he didn't even acknowledge it. Howard said he does the same thing with Beth when he farts.
Howard said he's going to take a break but he wanted to mention David Lander dying. He said that he played Squiggy on Laverne & Shirley. He said that he was 73 years old and he was part of Lenny and Squiggy on that show. Howard said Michael McKean played Lenny.
Howard said he wasn't a Laverne & Shirley guy. He said he was working at WCCC in Hartford in 1979 and there were no celebrities there to interview. He said that he got word that Lenny and Squiggy had an album coming out and his Program Director told him this was going to be huge. He said this guy was the guy at the station who picked the music. He said he was going to have him interview Lenny and Squiggy. He said they were going to be driving to the airport and he was going to get the first interview. He said to him this sounded moronic. He said he played the album and they were playing it constantly. He said the music was ridiculous. He said it was horrible. He said that the music was bad and it made no sense. He said he was a lowly DJ and this was his first big job so he had to do it.
Howard said he felt like he as in the bizarro world doing this thing at the station. He said he's going on and on about Lenny and Squiggy. He said he's not sure how many people were listening. He said that they were treating them like they were the Beatles.
Howard said he doesn't remember the interview and he doesn't have tape of it. He said he just remembers that they could barely hear them calling in from the airport. He did an impression of what that sounded like. Howard said he was hardly on the radio at the time because he was playing music. He said he asked what the tour was going to be like and things like that. He said he remembers how it sounded and it was horrible.
Howard said they had weeks of build up for this bit. He said the album tanked and it was not like the Blues Brothers.
Howard said the whole thing with them was a disaster. He said it was so misguided. He said they probably lost all credibility at that station over that. He said no one wanted that. He said the Program Director thought it was a big exclusive.
Howard said maybe if they had a better phone connection the album would have been huge. Robin asked if he ever told Michael McKean that he did that interview. Howard said he doesn't' think he did. He said David Lander called the show in 2001 and they talked to him about his MS. Robin said she didn't remember that. Howard said now he has Elton John on the show.
Howard said he has Jon Hein audio book on the phone to talk about Laverne & Shirley. He took the call and the guys were playing clips of Jon going on and on about the show. Howard asked Jon some questions but the guys kept playing the clips. Howard said there can't be more than 3 people who bought that book. He said he has some delivery. He said he loves that guy but what kind of book is that?
Howard said the name of the Lenny and Squiggy album was Lenny and Squiggy present the Squidtones. He said he has to play some of that. He said rest in peace David Lander. Robin said he worked in animation after Laverne & Shirley. Howard said he heard he was going to take the COVID vaccine on TV if Governor Cuomo had okay'd it. Robin said how dare he. She said she wants to go on and be a person who is willing to take that vaccine in front of everyone.
Howard said he wants to clean out the computer because he's still thinking about re-signing or resigning. He said it would be a shame if they didn't get to all of this material. He said over the next 3 days they're going to clear the computer. He said he's going to take a break and then come back and do a little run down of that stuff. They went to break after that. Fred played a classic Captain Janks phony phone call as they went to break.
Howard came back and said that's Maroon 5 doing a cover of Sex and Candy. He said Robin would have sex with Adam Levine, right? Robin said against his will she would. She said she'd be like Benjy and con him into a rape fantasy. Howard said someone asked him if he'd be with the woman who was with Rudy Giuliani. He said he would. He said he would have before he got famous. He said it would just be one night.
Howard said the guys are standing by to present what's sitting on the computer. Fred played a bunch of clips of Sal saying ''prevalent'' the wrong way.
Howard said he has to get to some of these clips but he's going to take a call first. He took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Robin wants to take the vaccine just to get closer to Cuomo. Howard said he's not even going to entertain that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a critical care doctor in Cleveland and he's calling in today because he loves the show and they have saved his life by making him laugh. He said at a time like this they are drowning and in hell and people don't understand what's happening to people every day. He said he has 75 percent of people in his ICU on ventilators. He said a few days ago he had another person dying from Coronavirus and his son looked at him and asked why he's so sick. He said Coronavirus alone is enough to kill you. He said most of the time it's just Coronavirus and not even other things. He said he came home that night and started crying while talking to his wife about it. He said it's been 9 months of hell this year. He said they are drowning in work and it kills him to get on Facebook. He said people pretend it's not real and go about their regular lives. He said that it's so hard to go to work every day. He said they spend so much time trying to prepare on how to handle this. He said there are people who think they're okay but they have family members who could die from this.
Howard asked if it's not just old people. The caller said it's young people too. He said it's not clear why people get sick and die from it. He said there are people who are in their 90s who come in and they're fine. He said they had a 21 year old with Coronavirus and that person went into cardiac arrest. He said he had to send him to be put on a heart and lung machine to keep him alive.
Howard asked if they're seeing a surge from Thanksgiving yet. The caller said they have seen a slight increase. He said that he thinks that it's been surging for 2-3 weeks. He said lately they've been losing doctors and nurses to the Coronavirus. He said they're getting sick and they need them there. He said they don't have enough respiratory nurses to help. He said they can have all the beds in the world but if you don't have the people then it doesn't matter.
Howard said his daughter saw someone dying in the hospital and she was a wreck. He said his other daughter is in that field too and she's seen a lot.
Howard asked the doctor if he can give any patients the cocktail that Trump got for his Coronavirus. The caller said that he hasn't seen that there yet. He said they are doing a lot of studies on different treatments. He said they don't have a magic bullet for this at this time. He said there are only two medications that are proven to work. He told Howard what they were and how they work.
Howard said he can't believe that there are people around the country who think Trump won the election and he's not even talking about this virus. He said this is why the hospitals are overwhelmed. He said this is treasonous behavior. Robin said it's at least criminal behavior.
The caller said we haven't had leadership in the country for the past 4 years. He said that we have 2-3000 people dying every day from this virus and that's more than we lost on 9/11. He said it's selfishness in this country. He said it's as bad as it's ever been or worse than ever. He said in Ohio they're not expecting things to get better until the middle of January. He said things aren't going to get better for at least 3 months. He said they don't seem to get that in this country.
Howard said in Australia they have things getting back to normal now. He said they got it under control quickly down there. Howard said this thing is real and this Dr. Cody is telling you what's really going on.
Cody said that he has family members saying at we're making this stuff up. He said that grey listen to the President and the lies he's telling about this whole thing. He said that he has to see multiple patients dying from this every day. Howard said they have a president in office who doesn't know what hard work is. He said that's why he's not doing anything about this.
Cody said the biggest crisis is that there are people in the medical field who are not as resilient as others. He said he has seen lots of deaths from this but he has never seen anything like this. He said he has never had to see so many people die every day. He said that the other health care providers are going to have PTSD. He said they're going to burn out and have to leave the field. He said they already have a low amount of mental health providers. He said he has to set something up to help his co-workers. He said most people don't understand what they're seeing every day. Howard said he makes a good point. He said they have doctors like Cody who have to see this going on. He said Australia is getting back to normal because they have this under control. He said he's not sure why the President doesn't care about this. He said it's such a break down of the system. He said we're in big trouble.
Howard took a call from Fake Alex Jones who said that he thinks Dr. Cody is a great crisis actor. He went on and on about his crazy conspiracy theories.
Howard let Alex go and thanked Dr. Cody for the call and for helping with this pandemic. Howard said if he saw his government not being run properly and getting the message out to wear a fucking mask he'd be upset. He said he's never seen a country more poorly run. Cody said he goes to the grocery store and sees people with their masks under their noses. He said it's very upsetting. He said that putting a mask on has no health consequences at all and we just have to wear them. Howard said this country is an embarrassment. He said we're dealing with a country of a lot of morons. He said it's not everyone but you know who the morons are.
Cody said that he has never seen a nurse straddle a patient like Robin claims she did. He said that he has to give that to her.
Howard said he has Eric on the phone and he's a COVID body removal specialist. The caller said that he's not a specialist but he is a body removal guy. Howard asked how many bodies he's removed. The caller said that he took 6 yesterday. He said 3 had COVID. He said it's too broad a question. He said he has 18 wheelers behind funeral homes. He said he has never seen that in 20 years and it's insane. He said that guy Cody is awesome. He said his wife is an RN and she's got to deal with that too. The caller said he's the guy cleaning up and no one thanks them.
Howard asked how much money a body remover can make. The caller said not as much as he should. He said that he makes 25-30 bucks an hour. He said the hard work is the obese people. He said that the COVID patients aren't usually too bad to move. Howard thanked the caller, Eric, for the call.
Cody said he wants to thank that guy too. He said he brings up another good point. He said that they have a treatment for some people where they flip people over to the prone position and that can be very hard with obese people. He said they have had 7 people in the room and sometimes that's not enough.
Howard said what he's describing is a nightmare. Cody said that he doesn't want to continue to contribute to his fears but Howard isn't over describing things. He said he's underselling it if anything. He said that this is the health care crisis of our lifetimes. He said this is the closest to the 1918 influenza pandemic. Howard said there are so many people who are just acting like it's no big deal. He said if you don't have to do anything then stay in your house. He said it's so fucking simple. He said if you have to do something then go out with a mask on and be careful.
Cody said he's become so angry and cynical. He said that he will go to work every day and do it as long as he's healthy enough to do it. He said the people who tell you to come to their house or come party are assholes. Howard said the guy in charge is telling those idiots to not worry about it. Howard thanked Cody for the call. Cody said people aren't taking it seriously because they haven't had to see it first hand. He said these people are lonely and can't have their family in the room with them.
Howard said on the news during the Korean War they had cameras right there on the front lines. He said they should follow Cody with a camera and show everyone what's happening. Howard asked what it looks like to die from COVID. Cody said it is what he thinks it is. He said it's not being able to breathe. He said when he has patients who he knows are going to die he has to make them comfortable to be best of his ability. He said they give medications to make sure they're not suffering. He said the thing that kills him is that this is preventable and Australia has it under control. He said just a couple of months of staying in their house and wearing their masks would bring this to an end.
Cody said that the first patient he had to intubate was this woman who looked at him no less than 3 times and said she's not ready to die yet. He said he hears that at least once a week. He said that he has to put people on ventilators and they're scared to death. He said he tells them that he'll try his best to get them better but it doesn't always work. He said about 10 percent of the people under 65 die. He said it goes up from there over 65. He said if you're young then you have a better chance of making it but there's still a chance. He said it's horrible to see the pain in people's eyes.
Cody said that woman he put on the ventilator first was lucky enough to have made it. He said there are so many who don't and it's so unfair. He said there are still people out there pretending that this doesn't exist. He said so much of this is preventable.
Howard said a SiriusXM employee died from COVID. He said that their incoming CEO mentioned that. He said there's only so much they can do over here. He said Cody has been a great spokesperson and he hopes that he scared the shit out of some people. Cody said this is preventable. He said every day he goes to work he's at risk. He said he has to look this devil in the eyes every day. He said he knows he could be that patient every day.
Robin said you have to think about the health care workers out there even if you don't worry about yourself. She said that they have to deal with his every day.
Howard thanked Cody for the call. Cody said not enough people appreciate what they do. He said he's not patting himself on the back but someone has to take care of these patients. He said there are so many people putting their lives at risk for this. He said it's a thankless job. He said he can't overstate that Howard has helped him get through so many tough times in his life. He said he's helping people out there. Howard thanked him for the call again. Cody thanked Fred for what he does too. Howard said don't thank Fred. Fred said thanks to Cody too. Howard let Cody go after that.
Howard said he has this guy Dave on the phone talking about how he's sick of this stuff. Howard took the call and the guy asked if this is what they have to listen to the final days there. He said the virus will be vaccinated and it'll be over with. He asked why we have to listen to this every fucking day. He said it's been 9 months. Howard said we're in a crisis. The caller said that it's old people who are dying and that's what the body guy said earlier. Howard said how about wearing a mask. The caller said he doesn't care about he mask but he has to stop with this. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said this guy should be listening to Dr. Demento.
Howard said he appreciates what Dr. Cody has to say. He said it was a real eye opener. Robin said she has a neighbor who wasn't paying attention to all of the restrictions and then she went to a doctor who told her that if she gets COVID she's going to die and now she's listening and not going out.
Howard said he saw Gary tear up during that call. Gary said he did twice. He said grey don't know what his father in law went through but now he does. He said that it makes him sad and it bums him out that they had a real doctor call in who is in there every day and then grey have this guy calling in and saying it's all bullshit.
Gary said it's like this bar owner in Staten Island. He said if they had gotten people to listen from the start they'd think that guy was like a flat earther.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was one of the most sensible, intelligent interviews he's heard in 30 years of listening to him. He said he somehow has to put that on his channel and make it shareable. Howard said he will. He said he thought that guy was amazing. Howard said once in a while they have to listen to something sensible.
Howard said he has the guys on to clean out the computer. He asked Gary what he has. Gary said he's been obsessed with these ''Karens'' who are on the internet. He said he has videos of these people who are endlessly entertaining. Howard asked what this Karens thing is. Gary said a Karen is a white woman who is entitled and white. He said these people have instantly become lawyers and doctors and they think grey know what's right for them and what's legal and not. Howard said it's like a know it all. Gary said that's right.
Gary said this first clip is a woman in Georgia who got into an argument in a parking lot. Howard played the clip of the woman using racial slurs and calling the guy names.
Howard said she was pretty good. Gary said he has more coming. Gary said this guy is putting up a Black Lives Matter sign and this ''Karen'' thinks that he's putting it up on someone's building but it's his business that he's putting it up on. Howard played the clip and the woman asked this guy if he was defacing property. The guy didn't tell them at first that he was the business owner. He told them to call the cops if they felt he was doing something wrong.
Howard said Gary is right about what a ''Karen'' is. He said that this woman inserted herself into something she didn't need to. He said she's arguing with the guy. He said he likes this whole thing.
Gary said this woman went viral. He said this woman was wearing a Black Lives Matter t-shirt and this Drunk Karen was holding a suitcase of beer. Howard played the clip and this woman was going off on Michelle Obama calling her the N-word and more. Howard said we're doomed. He asked Gary where he finds this. Gary said there's an Instagram called Karens Gone Wild that he checks on about once a week.
Gary said he has another one where this woman is going off on the Dentist office for making her wear a mask. Howard played the clip and she said that they can't take her temperature and they can't make her wear a mask. She said she knows her rights. She told the woman to just get this done.
Howard let out a sigh. He said you want to just strangle her. Gary said that a classic ''Karen'' line is ''Get him on the phone.'' Howard said that they should make a list of what makes a ''Karen.'' Howard said they're impossible to argue with. He said that they're loud and they don't let you talk.
Gary said he has one where this woman called 911 because grey didn't let her in a pet store without a mask on. Howard played the clip and the woman said that she can't wear a mask because she will have a panic attack. She ended up calling 911 saying that she has the right to not wear a mask at a store.
Howard said this is so maddening. He said just put on a mask you cunt. Gary said that these people have to put up with this and they're not making a lot of money. Gary said there are fights breaking out and these people are making minimum wage and dealing with this.
Howard said he loves that the woman calls 911 and she has the time to say ''as per'' in the call. He said if you have time to do that it's not an emergency.
Howard said he has a Karen on the phone saying that they have no right to be playing these clips. Howard took the call and fake Karen was going off on Howard for playing these clips.
Gary told Howard that this one is a woman calling another woman a ''Karen'' and that set her off. In the clip one woman calls her a Karen and then she calls the other woman names and curses her out.
Robin asked if calling a woman Karen is the worst thing you can do. Howard said he's the opposite of a Karen. He said he runs from any conflict. He wondered why people can't just shut the fuck up and walk away.
Howard said you know that these people can't hold down a job because they can't get along with people.
Gary said he has another one but this is a man. He said they call these guys Kevins or Kens. He said this guy is yelling at a guy for wearing a Black Lives Matter mask. He said that Black Lives Matters things seem to set some people off. Howard played the clip and two guys were arguing about this Black Lives Matter mask the guy was wearing.
Howard said he has another Black Lives Matter clip. Gary said this woman saw someone wearing a Black Lives Matter thing and she had to tell the person that they do not matter to her. In the clip the woman was going off on this woman over the Black Lives Matter thing and going on and on about how they get free things all the time and their lives to not matter to her.
Howard said no wonder why he won't leave his house. Gary said he's not sure what the big deal is to say Black Lives Matter. He said that woman isn't affected by it at all.
Howard said the world is such a mess. Robin said it's people who are a mess. She said the world is great. She said there are just fucked up people out there.
Gary said there was a young Asian woman working and going up some steps and this white woman bumps into her and that leads to an argument. Howard said he saw the video of this. He said the Karen gets all upset about this woman working out on the steps. Howard played the clip and this ''Karen'' went off on this Asian woman for working out on the steps and threatened to have her family beat her up if she did that ever again. She was even going off on her for wearing black in the California sun.
Gary said it seems like a simple argument but it always devolves into telling the person to go back to where they came from.
Mike Trainor said that this is more depressing than the COVID doctor. He asked i they can get him back on.
Howard said he knows what a Karen is now. He said that he has never yelled at anyone that loud in his life.
Gary said there was a woman throwing shit out of her basket at Target and it was like a wood chipper. He said shit was just flying.
Mike said they have a Baba Booey shout out but they yelled it out at a press conference for a shooting of a police officer. Howard played that and it was a very serious press conference and someone yelled out Baba Booey.
Howard said they love getting mentioned on TV but when something like that is going on it's best not to do that. He said if a school bus explodes and goes off a cliff, don't yell out Baba Booey. Howard said during the US Open, that's fine.
Mike said next up they have a porn clip where they mention Howard Stern. He said it's a girl who gets punished by her dad for listening to Howard Stern. The dad said Howard Stern is the dirtiest person on the planet and he's going to punish her by making her take his penis in her filthy mouth.
Howard said what he loves about porn is that they have to explain the premise and it still doesn't make sense. He said that the dirtiest part of her body is her mouth so he's going to put his penis in there. Chris Wilding said that the dirtiest part is the asshole so that's where it should have gone. Howard said Ronnie got a mention in that clip.
Mike told Howard to play that clip to the end. Howard said he's not sure what the logic was in that clip. Chris said it made sense to that girl.
Howard played the rest of the clip and the dad was asking who her favorite person is and she said Baba Booey. She gave more of his names like Mama Monkey and Tata Toothy.
Howard said what a little actress she was. He asked if that turns Gary on at all. Gary said he's insulted by that. He said that's the first time he's heard that. Howard said thank god they got to Mike today. He said this could have been lost forever if they hadn't.
Sal said he went out and found this singer who called herself Barbie. He said this was before COVID hit. Howard played a clip of this Barbie singing some songs that were unrecognizable. She was just yelling.
Howard asked what the noise was in the background on that. Sal said it was a toy guitar she was holding and it was ripped cardboard that she was just strumming with.
Sal said they put her voice over Tom Petty's ''Breakdown'' and it might be a hit. He had Howard play that. Howard said that is pretty good. He said nice job on that.
Sal said this is Barbie singing Like a Rolling Stone from Bob Dylan. Howard played a second of that and stopped it. He had her singing along to a Metallica song too. Howard said it works with Metallica. He said it's kind of like Marianne Faithful.
Sal said they could see her doing a children's album. He had Howard play another clip of her singing Old MacDonald. Howard said it's crazy out there. He said just stay in your house.
Chris said by the end of it he had so many people calling in to fuck with him that he couldn't get through. He said he would call in with ridiculous drops. He said that he called with Eric the Actor drops and he has a montage of some of those calls. Howard played those and Chris had called in with clips of a bunch of people from the show. Angry Political Guy would freak out on all of those.
Chris told Howard he was the greatest. Robin said he keeps saying ''he was'' and hasn't said what happened to that guy. Chris did more of his impression and went off on Robin.
Chris said here was no one like him. He said he'd end the show by singing weird hillbilly biker songs. He had another clip for Howard to play of Angry Political Guy singing one of those songs.
Chris said he was shocked because he had been calling for a year or two. He said he got a video of Sacha Baron Cohen back in 2003 interviewing the Angry Political Guy as Bruno. He said if you listen to the clip he sounds a little different. He said this is Bruno interviewing the Angry Political Guy. Bruno was coming on to him and Angry Political Guy said he is not gay. He said he's not his type. Bruno asked if he's too fat. Angry Political Guy said the interview is over. He said don't be some fucking fag if you want to do interviews.
Chris said he'd call this guy and fuck with him before he was even on the show. He said he'd be in bed with his boyfriend and call.
Howard said he likes when Bruno says he's good looking and he must know it. Chris said all of these internet shows had technical difficulties. He said Angry Political Guy would blame it on hackers if he had an issue. He had a clip of Angry Political Guy's show cutting out.
Chris said one day the hackers actually did get in on his show and played gay porn. He said it really threw Angry Political Guy. He had Howard play another clip where the hackers got through and played the gay stuff. Angry Political Guy said he can't figure out where it's coming from. He had to end the show.
Howard said he sounds like WC Fields in that clip. Chris did more of his impression of Angry Political Guy.
Chris said that Angry Political Guy stopped ding his show but no one is sure what happened to him. He said it's rumored that he had a stroke after that clip he had Howard play. He said he'd like to end this by saying it's a tragedy. Chris said that he made a lot of calls to the guy and now he's gone. Howard said that's the reason they hired him. Mike said it got him a green card.
Chris said he wants to close it with his favorite call to him. He said this is the first he called him doing his impression of him and claiming that he stole his voice and persona from him. Howard played the clip and Chris called in as Angry Political Guy and told him he ripped him off. Angry Political Guy argued with him that he didn't steal anything from him. They went back and forth until Angry Political Guy hung up on him.
Howard said he can't believe he stole his act. Howard said he wishes someone would call into his show and threaten to take a shit on his show. Chris did more of his Angry Political Guy impression for Howard.
Howard said that was good stuff. He said they'll clean out more of the computer tomorrow just in case he retires and this stuff goes unheard. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard said he's reading letters about that guy Dr. Cody who called in yesterday. He said that he was a front line medical worker who called in. He said they got a lot of feedback about his call. He read through some of that feedback that was very positive about his call.
One of the writers said ''Peace and love'' so Howard mentioned that Ringo said it's the 40th anniversary of John Lennon's death this year. He said he wants to do a tribute to John too.
Howard read more feedback about Dr. Cody. He had a bunch of positive email about the call.
Howard said he was laying in bed last night at about 3. He said he was thinking about the movie Fartman and how he could have made that movie. He said in alternate universe he could have made it. He said the guy who wrote it wrote ''Pretty Woman.'' He said that movie was so perfect. He said they talk about remaking movies like that. Robin said they'll ruin it if they do.
Howard said the thing with Fartman was that he could go on the air and say that he wanted to make Fartman and a movie studio would sign him to a 3 movie deal. He said it was so exciting that he went out to California to sign the deal for that. He said he went on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and he asked what movie he was going to make and he mentioned Fartman. He said the guy who wrote Under Siege and Pretty Woman, J.F. Lawton, heard that and wanted to write Fartman. He said Newline wasn't into him doing Fartman but when they heard J.F. was into it they wanted to do it.
Howard said he was thinking about the movie because the real villain in the movie was Donald Trump. He said in the script he was a reporter for a newspaper and he wanted to turn it into an investigative newspaper. He said Donald Trump was trying to buy up Central Park to turn it into condos. He said he was going to be the villain. He said he's sure that Donald would have done the movie. He said he was thinking about how great it would be if he was in the movie playing an evil person. He said it would have been so great. He said they could have used that film as a goof.
Howard said it never happened. He said he was thinking about that and J.F. and one thought went to the next. He said he's not even sure why he brought that up.
Howard read more feedback about Dr. Cody. He said someone said they should put it up to make it sharable. He said he's not sure if they did that. Gary said it is up on the app. He said it's segmented and it's something like ''Howard discusses COVID'' or something like that.
Howard asked Gary if he has any idea why he brought up Fartman. Gary didn't have a clue. Howard said he's really not sure why he did.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who said there's no science behind this lockdown. Howard said people are dropping dead like crazy. The caller said that people are dropping dead based on the pumped up lies and the numbers. He said they can't even prove that this is nothing more than the annual flu. He said they can't prove that there is a virus. Howard laughed.
Howard said there were 200,000 cases of Coronavirus reported yesterday. The caller insisted that's he media lying about it. Howard said he can't possibly believe that this is the case. He said he knows if he believes in conspiracy theories then he has to be a Trumpy. He said he must believe there's voter fraud too. Howard said if there's voter fraud then it must have happened in 2016 too. He hung up on the guy.
Howard said that guy is sitting home and he should go to a hospital and see how he does with some COVID. Robin read about the deaths from this virus. Howard said that guy doesn't believe it.
Howard took a call from Chris Wilding who was playing the part of a guy calling in as a cancer denier.
Howard read more Dr. Cody feedback. It was more positive comments about the call.
Howard said his contract is up after 4 more shows. He said they'll be done with their contract after that. He said he has received a lot of mail from the fans about that. He said people are on pins and needles. He said he has to thank them for caring so much.
Howard read some email from the fans about the contract renewal. People were asking him to stay. He said Mariann from Brooklyn has been sending in songs asking him to re-sign. He played some of those songs and said he's quitting after hearing that. He said he's kidding and she has the voice of an angel.
Howard said he thought her voice was fake when he first heard it. He said it turns out it was real and that's her gift. He said she calls in and they take her calls because the voice is funny.
Howard said he feels weird with this contract renewal. He said he's been thinking a lot about it. He said he did the math and he's been broadcasting for 44 years. He said he started in 1976. He said he stared in college but that's not a real measurement of his career. He said he thinks back on 44 years and that's unbelievable. Robin said that's quite a career. Howard said he didn't have a plan but he thought that it was a diaster early on. He said the idea that he'd be on this long and fans would still be enjoying the show is quite remarkable. He said he does have to make some decisions based on his family and things like that.
Fred played the Journey song again like he was going to do the Sopranos thing again. Howard said when he looks back on the 44 years he thinks that he was so bad in the beginning that he'd never last. He said to be sitting there 44 years later and having a decision to make about going on or not is strange. He said so many people have gotten out of the business.
Howard said he kept a journal over the past year. He said he wrote down what the future would look like if he was on or off the radio. He said every week he found himself fantasizing what it would be like to be off the radio. He said his father was a work-a-holic. He said that his father retired at 59 years old. He said the day went by so fast for him and he loved to be home. Howard said he loves to be home and he has many hobbies and many interests.
Howard said yesterday he wanted to paint and he had no energy to paint or do anything. He said the show takes many hours of thought and it's constantly on your mind. He said if you're going to do it right it takes a lot of time. He said he'd sit at home thinking about how good it was to just sit there. He said the radio show is a lot of pressure. He said he wrote about that pressure in his journal. He said it was nauseating going back and forth.
Howard said making a decision has been very tough. He said that they have a career thanks to them. He said if they weren't there they wouldn't have careers. He said he wouldn't have a journal and they wouldn't be talking about any of this. He said he does feel a sense of loyalty. He said that it would feel weird to pull away now. He said the fans want them there. He said he loves that connection with the audience.
Howard said he wants to thank the listeners other than the COVID denier who just called. He said he doesn't like that guy. Howard said he has made a decision and has talked to Robin and his wife. He said his decision that he's come up with... Fred played the Journey song again. Howard said he's really making his announcement now. He told Fred he can stop playing that.
Howard said the best way to make this announcement is to go to Mariann from Brooklyn. He said what he has done now is sent Mariann two safes. He said he's going to make the announcement here. Mariann was on the phone and she was crying. Howard said he can see her. She was on video.
Howard said Mariann has two boxes at her house. He said he's going to have her open the box and the box will contain his answer about if he's staying or leaving. He said he thought this would be a dramatic way to say goodbye or hello to a couple more years.
Howard said what he wants her to do is open the box. Mariann said she's opening it. She said she can't believe this is happening to her. Howard said this will tell her if he's staying or leaving. Mariann opened the box and said it's a big box. She said that she's dying over there. Mariann opened the box and said that he has to be kidding her. She was screaming and Howard said those are packing peanuts. Mariann said there are boxes in there. Howard said don't open them yet.
Howard said that they have a box with a bow on it. He asked her to take that out. Mariann said she can't believe this. Howard said when she opens it up she'll find a safe in there. Mariann said she doesn't know how to use a safe. Howard said that safe has a combination. He said inside that safe is the answer if he's staying or leaving. He said he has some clues for her to figure out what the number is. He told her to actually just scream at it and it will open. Mariann screamed. Howard said he was kidding.
Howard said the first two digits for the combination are Ronnie's favorite number. Those were 69. Howard said the other two numbers are the amount of years he and Robin have been broadcasting on the air. Mariann said 33. Howard said bigger. She said 35. Howard kept saying higher. Howard told her to try the next number. She tried 39. Howard told her to open it. Mariann said it's not opening. She finally got it open.
Mariann said that she's not sure how to open it. She did it again and the safe made a sound. Mariann said that she can't get it open. She kept trying the combination. Howard told her she knows the combination is 6939. Mariann said it's not opening. She tried again. Howard said she's doing it right. Robin asked if she's turning the knob. Mariann asked if she can call her husband. She finally got it open.
Howard said that she finally has the answer. Mariann screamed and said she knew it. She said congratulations and screamed it out. She said she fucking knew it. She said that he's staying. They played a ''Howard re-signed'' song.
Howard said that's right, he's staying on the radio. Mariann said she can't believe that he's staying. Howard said he is staying. He said he signed another 5 year deal with SiriusXM. Howard thanked Mariann for doing this. Mariann asked how long the 5 years is. Howard hung up on her. She was screaming again.
Howard said that he has to say a couple of things. He said that there's so much to say. He said he's only working one day a year. He said they'll be incredible shows. He said they're going to be there for another 5 years. He said Robin was a big part of this. He said he talked to her about what he wanted to do with his life. He said he told her he's in if she's in. He said if she wasn't in he's not in. He said he and Robin have it down and they know what they're doing. He said Robin is part of his decision. He said they asked him to write some statements for a press release and he said in there that Robin is a big part of this. He said they're like Sonny and Cher or Charles Manson and Squeaky Fromme. He said that he wishes he had that press release there but he did say that he's a proud fan of Bachelor Nation and he asked Robin to take his rose.
Howard said he had a hard time with this. He said there is a part of him who is very content off the air. He said he has so many interests. He said if he had to say goodbye to the show right now it would feel weird. He said it may have a lot to do with COVID-19. He said he thinks about constantly reinventing his show and all of that. He said there's a lot on his plate. He said Robin makes it easy. He said the show flows so well and he has to thank everyone who works on the radio program.
Howard said he told everyone a couple of years ago that he needed help with the show. He said every one of them deserves a bow. He said he loves everyone who works there. He said they all work so hard. He said they're so invested in this show, even Benjy. He said they all care so much that they lay awake thinking about the show as much as he does. He said that makes it easy to stay in the game.
Howard said if the show was going horribly wrong then he wouldn't be able to continue on. He said there are so many people behind the scenes doing so many things. He said there are some who don't want to be mentioned on the air. He said there are others who do. He said they all know who they are and grey all need to take a bow. He said he thought a lot about this show and he knows he can rely on all of these people.
Howard said he was just in a meeting this morning and JD helped explain something about something he didn't find so funny and he found it funny after JD explained it. He said you don't know about that kind of stuff. He said that's what helped make this decision.
Howard said that they have so many people on the show that people don't know about. He said people compliment him about his interviews but there's a whole team that helps him with that. He said Jon Hein is one person who helps. He said they get on the phone and talk about all of the research that the research team does. He said that they have a great engineering staff and a tireless staff who are on Zoom with someone like Eddie Vedder's team to get it all set up. He said there is so much. He said you wonder what's really happening but there's a lot going on behind the scenes. He said even with COVID the engineering setup is big. He said it sounds like they're in the room with you. He said these are the unsung heroes of the show. He said he had to yell and scream for years that he didn't have a team. He said now he does. Howard said if he was back in those years he wouldn't be continuing. He said now he is because he has such a great crew.
Howard said that the audience has been really supportive too. He said that they have such great fans that it makes him feel like what they're doing is really important. He said there's more than just telling a dick joke. He said they're there for you and you're there for them. He said he even says in the press release how proud he is that they went from 400,000 subscribers to 32 million or whatever it is.
Howard said he felt like terrestrial radio treated him like Ike Turner treated Tina. He said that it wasn't the right medium for them. He said coming there was the right decision and it's been a rebirth. He said part of that was Jim Meyer who ran the company for years. He said now Jim is retiring and he thought about leaving when Jim was going to leave. He said when Jim took over the company there was little trust on either of their sides. He said that he didn't have truest because he had so many people sabotage him over the years. He said that Jim heard things about him too so they didn't know each other. He said they sat down and tried to get to know each other. He said he gave him his most sincere look and told him he just wanted to do his best show. He said he didn't want to look like an asshole if SiriusXM didn't succeed. He said this is a great accomplishment that they have this great business now. He said he just wanted to do a good job for Jim. He said Jim said he had his back and he wasn't going to screw him over. He said he was going to give him the tools he needs to do a good show and he's not going to screw him over. He said this guy's leadership was great. He said everything he said he made come true. He said if there was a problem they got it figured out and settled.
Howard said this guy Jim was very supportive with the whole COVID thing. He said that this guy should be President because he's a leader. He said he's a calm leader who doesn't make him nervous. He said this is why he was able to reinvent the show and he deserve a huge bow too. He said Jim wanted him to continue on. He said it's not the end of the company if he leaves. He said that they needed him to stay and he felt needed and supported there.
Howard said Scott Greenstein is staying on there. He said that gives him great comfort. He said he loves the programming there. He said this is a great service. He said the fact that people are subscribing shows how good the service is.
Howard said he's also looking forward to working with Jennifer Witz. He said she's talking about what the future of this company is and he's excited about that. He said he believes that she's the right person to take this company into the future. He said she has figured out ways to distribute and expand the content. He said she's the perfect choice.
Howard said he's sure that he's going to complain about being here. He said he thinks that he's made a terrible mistake and he told that to Beth this morning. He said that he has his inner voice on the phone right now. He took the call and one of the guys was doing the voice telling him that he could be painting and traveling if he just didn't re-sign. Howard hung up on his inner voice and said that's not really his inner voice.
Howard said radio is his love and there are times he hates it but most times he loves it. Howard said millions of people enjoy what he does. He said one day they were doing the show and they had Fred Armisen, Seth Meyers and Bill Hader there. Howard said they were sitting on the couch talking about a party that Fred went to and he went up to Prince and told him this party was great. He said Fred told the story about Prince that was just great and that's what he thinks is so great about the show.
Howard said they've had so many great guests on the show. He said that just talking about watching YouPorn with Robin is great too. He said it's just something he wasn't ready to give up. He said he thanks all of them and especially Robin. He said he has to thank everyone there at SiriusXM too. He said everyone who works on the show is the reason he's going to keep doing this. He said it's a grand romance at the end of it all.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has to thank him. She was crying. She said that she is in her 40s and she's been listening since she was in her 20s. she said she didn't know this was going to make her start crying. She said he just wanted to thank him. Howard said he loves that she loves the show. He said there are only 413 shows left.
Howard said this is the last contract. He said he can't keep doing this. He said they'll be together the next 5 years. He said if he's in good health he's going to be there.
Howard said Jim Meyer is going to join them right now via Zoom. He got Fake Jim Meyer on the line and talked to him about the new contract. Jim said this calls for a celebration. He said that they can send a box of his shit to the head of Spotify now. He said they did have a replacement in mind for Howard if he left. He said they did a test show. He played a bit where they had Human Newman doing a show like Howard's. They even had a Wrap Up Show for him.
Jim had Jennifer Witz say a few words too. Fake Jennifer said they're going to fuck Spotify over now. Howard said he's excited to work with her. Jennifer said things are going to change around there. She said they're going to go back to basics there. She said she wants some baloney whores there ASAP. She said that Howard is her bitch. Howard had to repeat that after her.
Howard let Jennifer go and said maybe this was a mistake. He said there you go. He said this is exciting. He said both Jennifer and Jim are excited about this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening since L.A. He said he wanted to tell him that he was crying too. He said he just beat cancer last year. He said they took out his thyroid and he's had a lot of issues because of that. He went down a whole list of things that he's gone through. He said some days he doesn't want to go on anymore and he hears the show and he knows he has Howard there in the morning for him. He said he feels like he can do anything now. He said he has affected so many people's lives and he doesn't even know it. Howard said he's happy to be there if the show means that much to him. He said he feels horrible about his illnesses. He thanked him for his service too.
Howard said he doesn't get people's feelings for the show and he's not sure if there that important but it must be. He told the caller to hang in there.
Howard asked if Fred is up for another 5 years. Fred said absolutely. He said it would have been strange to end the show now. He said that it's important to so many people. He said especially to Mariann.
Howard said there's not a day that goes by when someone doesn't say that they love the way Fred drops things in. He said Fred is an integral part of the show. He said that he's been a collaborator for a long time. He said that sometimes he drops things in that he doesn't even hear. Fred said that's the fun part. Howard said Fred just does his job and doesn't ask for a lot of credit. He said he's a super talented guy and he's lucky that he found him in Hartford. Robin said maybe that's why he was in Hartford. Howard said he saw the movie Wizard of Oz many times and it's kind of like Dorothy going along and picking people up. Fred said he's like Toto. Howard said meeting Fred was the genesis of the show. He said that he could see what the show could be with Fred.
Howard said Fred was there early on and helping him on the phone in Detroit and things like that. Robin said one of her favorite memories of Fred is that they'd go home together after work and there was a huge snow storm once. She said they were walking and the snow was like 2 feet deep and on the corners it was mounds. She said Fred said a punch line and she fell into the snow because she was laughing so hard. She said she thought Fred was the funniest guy on earth.
Howard said the thought of not having this ritual of being on the radio was too much for him toe bear at this time. Fred said he has to thank Howard and he feels so lucky for being on the show.
Howard said that Andy Cohen just tweeted about this announcement and put a link to it. Howard said he was thinking about Perry Farrell doing his thing on the show and how great that was. He said it's little things like that on the show that he loves.
Howard said he was talking to fake Donald Trump the other day and he said he's not going to concede because he's not a conceited person. He said he thought that was so funny that he still gets excited about getting on the air to do things like that.
Howard said he has Gary on to make a statement. Gary got on and said it's been 36 years that he's been with Howard. He said this is the only full time job he's ever really had. Howard said that he thinks he should go out and look for a new job. He said maybe he'd learn something from someone else. Gary said he just wants to say congratulations and thank you. He said the big thing was at the start of the COVID thing that they were able to keep working. He said they work for someone who is so good at what they do that they had jobs. Howard said he feels equally as grateful. He said that's crazy that Gary has been with him for 36 years. He said that doesn't happen a lot.
Gary said he wants to talk about how everyone thought they were done so many times over the years. He said that he had so many experiences over the years where they thought they were done but Howard has always prevailed and come out stronger and better.
Howard said Richard Christy wants to make a statement. Richard got on and said that Howard saved his life. He said he's been there 16 and a half years. He said that he'd love to continue working for him. He said he loves Howard and Robin. He said he wouldn't have his son or wife if it wasn't for them. Howard said he had to fuck his wife to give him a son. Fred played Richard's baby crying clip.
Howard said Richard works around the clock on the show. He said he writes for the show and he's been a big boost for the show. He said that keeps him going. He said he could not do the show without people like Richard working for the show.
Howard said guys like Richard and Sal are good for the show. Howard said he should name everyone there. He said they have so many great people there.
Robin asked if he didn't tell Richard that he's not keeping him. Howard said he didn't tell them that part of the deal is that hey have to dump half the staff.
Howard took a call from Fake Arnold Schwarzenegger who congratulated him on the new contract. He said no more bitching. Howard said he never hears Arnold bitch about anything. He adit by tomorrow he's going to be bitching about having to sign up for 413 more shows or whatever it is.
Howard said that Arnold has given them so many good moments on the show. He let him go after that.
Robin asked how he knows there are 413 shows left. Howard said he's good with those numbers.
Howard said JD wants to say something. JD said he wants to say thank you for everything and congratulations. He said the show has given him everything that he has in his life. He said he could never repay him or anything. He said he has to say that and congratulations. Howard asked if he was forced to come on the air and do that. Gary said they had to push him a little. He said they all wanted to hear from him. Howard said he didn't seem that comfortable saying it. JD said he's sincere but he's not great at expressing it. Howard had JD Puppet say a few words too. Fred did his thing with the puppet.
Howard said he has Ronnie the Limo Driver on to say something. Ronnie said congratulations and it's been a long road for him on the show. He said he's very honored to be part of the show. He said he's getting down to the final part of his life and he's not sure what would happen down the road with that. Howard said he'll be 75 when the new contract is over. Ronnie said that's right. He said the road is coming to an end. Robin asked what he's talking about. Ronnie said he's not sure how much time he has left.
Howard said there's something going on in Ronnie's head lately. He said he's trying to cheer him up. He said he thinks he's dying. Ronnie said he's not dying but it's logical. He said he's 71 and he's not sure how much time he has left. Howard said he's making it all about himself. He said that he's saying that this is the end of the road. Ronnie said congratulations then. Howard asked if he predicts that he'll be the first one on the show to die or will someone else die first. Ronnie said he can't predict that. Howard said it would be an amazing show if one of them did die. Robin said stop that because she didn't think it would be her who got sick first.
Ronnie said he has to go back to 1985 and think about how he got on the show. Howard said he's a big part of the show and he hopes he continues on with them in some way. Howard said he does love him. Ronnie said he loves him too. Howard thanked him for that and then Ronnie Puppet had a few words to say.
Howard said the next 5 years should be interesting. He said everyone is getting older. He said they could be dropping like flies. Robin said that you never know what might happen tomorrow.
Gary said when he was done they gave him a walker and a cane. He said he can't go out anyway but he's not going out in public with a walker. He said he has to use a cane to get up and down the stairs. He said that he has to use the cane but he should be done with that in a couple of weeks.
Howard took a call from Fake Harvey Weinstein from prison. He wanted to congratulate him on his new contract. He said maybe if Ronnie leaves he can become the show pervert. Howard said maybe he can. Howard talked to Harvey about his young girlfriend and what's going on there in prison. The guys had some gay porn sounds behind Harvey.
Howard said he's not letting Simon get the last word. He said he thought he dropped dead from a bike accident. Simon had more insults for him. Howard and Simon kept going back and forth with insults. Simon called him a ''blueberry bleacher.'' Howard said he got him with that one.
Howard said that he has to wash his own fruit now and he can't give up his blueberries. He said he bitches about it all the time and Beth has to listen to it. Robin said she has to send him something. She said that he may not use it but it's a way to wash his fruit without having to soak them in baking soda. Robin said this is special water to spray on them that is turned into Ozone that sterilizes everything that it's on. Howard said he won't use it so don't send it.
Howard took a call from Fake Donald Trump who wanted to say a few things about the new contract. He congratulated Howard and said that they both get to keep their jobs. Howard asked if he's staying president. Trump said he is, bigly. He said he has to figure out who's in charge and kick them out of office. Howard asked what Joe Biden should do. Trump said he's not going anywhere. He said he has to get back to work over there on the most important crisis of his presidency... continuing his presidency. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that he should take a break. He said it was very exciting having Mariann open the safe. Howard said he hopes this wasn't a mistake. He said by tomorrow he'll be asking to be left alone and not wanting to do another 5 years. He said he's very happy right now. Robin said it is like having a baby until you actually do it.
Robin said there was this guy whose name was Hsieh and he created the company Zappos. She said he became a billionaire this past year. She said he's in his 40s and just died in a house fire. Howard said oh my god. Robin said he became a billionaire and died in a house fire. She said it's coming out that he was in a spiral of drugs and drinking. Howard said so her point was to stay out of the fashion business. He said he'll stay out then. Howard got in a plug for Casper Mattresses before taking a break.
Howard came back and said the weirdest thing just happened. He said everyone was congratulating him for the contract and then Gary tells him to go on Facebook because there are a bunch of really negative people on Facebook posting about it. He said he thought it would be funny if he read the negative comments about his new contract. Howard said he's Baba Badnews. Gary said he thought he'd find it funny because he used to love reading hate mail. Howard said maybe tomorrow he'll read it. He said he's not sure why anyone would listen if they hate that he's doing the show. Fred did his Gary Puppet voice and had him giving him bad news.
Howard said he has the feeling that Gary hates him. Gary asked based on what. Howard said he's getting congratulations for the 5 more years and he's sitting there lamenting about it. He said then Gary gives him this bad news. He said everyone else is happy about it but then Gary has to tell him that there are people on Facebook who are giving negative comments about him staying.
Howard said psychologically speaking what would Gary do if he was going to have a kid and he told him that he's going to hate having kids. Gary said he told them not to hold anything back from him and he used to love hate mail so he thought this would be the thing. Howard said it was just the timing of it. He said that he could have congratulated him but he had to tell him about the negative stuff. He said Gary just wants to piss all over him. He said his happiness is a fragile bubble. He said he's not sure if he made the right decision. He said there's not a day he doesn't wake up wondering what he's doing. He said all of his doubt and pain might come back. He said he might have to retire. He said the ink isn't dry yet so he can probably change his mind.
Gary said he really thought he was serving the show. He said it wasn't a passive aggressive thing he was trying to do. He said if someone does tell him that's what it was they're a fucking liar.
Howard said he's going to rely on him to remind him that some people do not like him. He said his head started to spin after that comment. He said they're angry that he's going to continue. He said that he's fouling their lives by staying on there. Gary said he was just trying to give him the content he wants. Howard said he doesn't have enough so why not.
Gary asked if Howard did not say to him that he wants to know everything and don't hold back. Howard said he told him to run it by Jeremy. Gary said he apologizes then. Howard said just let him have 5 minutes of joy. Robin said there's a term called ''read the room.'' Gary said he wasn't the only one involved in this process. He said he's laying on the grenade for other people. Howard said he started to feel good about it but then Gary brought him down. He said he so rarely feels good that Gary is right. He said just punch him in the face. Gary said he really doesn't hate him. Howard said it might be hard for Gary to see him getting his new deal. He said that he gets to continue on. He said that some people get a lot of attention and it's hard as human beings to stay out of it. Gary said he really thought he was helping. Howard said Gary needs to go to therapy. He said this might be a subconscious thing that he doesn't recognize.
Gary said he's completely bummed out and sorry now. Howard said no more bummed out than him. Gary Puppet told him not to look at Reddit. Howard laughed. Gary Puppet said Twitter is a disaster. Howard did his Gary impression and told him to get a reality check. Howard said he has told Gary not to hold anything back. Robin said there is a time and a place though. She said you have to consider it all.
Howard said there are some people who do not enjoy what he does. He said he used to think that it was impossible for people not to like the show. He said at one point in New York 1 in 4 cars were listening to them. He said that was amazing. He said he wondered why the other 3 cars weren't listening. He said he couldn't wrap his head around that. He said he found it hard to believe that people didn't like them. He said Gary is right for bringing this news to him. He said there are people who can't be happy for anyone else. He said he should take stock in that. He said some people will remember this day as the day Howard re-signed. He said some will remember it as the day Gary the happiness sniper took it all away.
Howard asked when Robin knew that Gary did the wrong thing. Robin said that it was immediate. She said it created absolute silence. She said no one spoke when he said that sentence. Howard said it was like Gary flew a plane into his heart. Robin said that it was too late and he had already crashed the plane into his heart. She said it can't bring back the happiness.
Howard asked if he should have Gary read the negative comments. Robin said she was thinking maybe save it for another day. She said she doesn't want him to hear it. She said he's already obsessed with it. Robin said she thought that all he said was true about Gary and how much he loves him. Howard said he did until 5 minutes ago. He said yesterday was Pearl Harbor day and this feels like his own Pearl Harbor.
Howard asked Gary to read the negative comments. Gary said he can't. He said he feels too bummed out about this. He said he knows that he does shtick based on what's in his head and he really can't believe that he thinks he doesn't like him. He said that's really sad to him. He said that's the saddest thing that's ever gone on between them.
Howard said he doesn't think he hates him but he resents him. Gary said he hates that. He said that's not the case. He said that he doesn't hate him. Howard said he has to see a therapist. Gary said he has and he's very happy right now. Howard said his therapist would tell him that Gary is not in touch with his emotions right now.
Robin said it's just a human thing and everyone has to deal with these emotions. She said you might hear things in your head that you can't believe you have. Gary said he's saying that he's happy and they want him to go to therapy. Howard said Robin made a good point. He asked if he saw him happy about the announcement. Gary said sure. Howard asked if he ruined it. Gary said he did but he didn't know he was going to ruin it.
Howard said he's going to try to be strong for both of them. He said it's like when he was born and the doctor walked in and said that their son smiles like a mongoloid. He asked what you would say to that doctor. He said maybe he could have waited a day before saying that and pissing all over him and his parent's happiness.
Howard said Gary was on Facebook looking for this right away. Gary said one of their writers was and he wasn't the one looking for it. He said that they ran it by their head writer and they came to him. Howard said Gary has to run it past someone else. He said that he can take it but he thought that they should all celebrate. He said it's fine though. He said just forget it. Gary said it wasn't him looking for it. Howard said it's fine. Gary said if he was doing it then maybe he'd believe that he hates him, but he wasn't.
Gary Puppet told Howard not to look at Beth's Instagram. Howard laughed. He took a call from Ralph and asked if he has anything to say about this. Ralph said he was on Twitter and said there are a lot of negative people on there. He said he doesn't think Gary hates him and he just can't read the room. Howard said Gary likes to get things right out there. He said he hates waiting. Gary said he's anxious and not hateful. Howard said he's his eager beaver.
Howard said one of the things he told Gary was not to blurt everything out. He said you can wait with the negative comments. He said they're not going away. Ralph laughed about the hate mail thing and how he just couldn't wait. He said maybe wait until the third hour of the show.
Ralph asked if he can reset and say something. Howard said he's not sure if he can. He said he told Gary to put a note on his desk that says ''Slow down.'' He said he must have thrown that out. He said that's alright though. He said it's not a big deal. He said he'll just be thinking about it the rest of the day.
Howard said he was feeling some happiness and then Gary brought it to a screeching halt. He said that Gary threw all of the guys under the bus but didn't take responsibility for it. Gary said it wasn't his idea. He said he made the decision to bring it to him though.
Robin said it was just an idea that was under consideration. Gary said he made a bad move. Howard said he told the writing staff to bring everything to him and he makes the final decision. He said they can't all be perfect. Gary said he sees it was a bad decision but it wasn't malicious. He said he doesn't have malice toward him and he doesn't hate him. He said he didn't blame the guys for it either. Howard said that's their job to bring it to him. Gary said he just said a writer brought it to him and he brought it to their head writer who brought it to him.
Jason said that Gary is spinning this out on them on their instant messenger. Gary said he's not. Gary said he didn't originate this. He said that his idea that he hates him would be more legitimate if he was the one looking for this. Jason said Gary absolutely jumped the gun on this. He said if he had mentioned this to him before it got to Howard it never would have gotten to him. He said they have a system in check before they put things in front of him. He said Gary knows. Gary said he doesn't know that.
Gary said that the system isn't to run things in front of Howard. Jason said it is. He said that he would have brought that to him and he should have brought it to him. He said they have checks in place.
Robin said this could have been so great but now that great team doesn't seem so great. Howard said he has to edit out the part where he said how great his staff is.
Howard said this did bring him down to reality. He said there are more people who are upset about him re-signing than happy people. He said he wants to thank Gary for knocking him down a few pegs. Howard said that he's now realizing how unimportant he is.
Howard said Gary is like the guy who goes up to someone at a party where someone gets an academy award and tells them that he didn't like the movie. He said he wants Gary to be that guy to knock him down to reality.
Howard said when he was a little boy his dad told him he was an idiot for wanting to get into radio. He said Gary is like his dad. He said he's pushing him to do better. He said that he has to thank Gary for that. He said he's going to work harder to win over those people who are upset about him re-signing. Howard said one of the greatest men in history was Martin Luther King. He said he went up on stage and said he has a dream. He said Gary would have told him that some people think his dream sucks. He said he could have kept Martin Luther King on his toes. He said he wants to thank Gary for being that person for him.
Robin said they say that the President suffers because he doesn't have someone to straighten him out. Howard said he should offer him Gary. Ralph said unlike Howard Trump would throw him out.
Gary said he feels so badly that his mouth is all dry and his lips are getting chapped. Howard said don't worry about it. He said no one should feel good about themselves. He said he's always said that. Robin said Gary can say that his boss always worked hard because he was never happy. Howard said that he was thinking that he was so good that he could coast the next 5 years. He said Gary made him snap out of that. He asked Gary to make him a list of the top 10 angriest Facebook posts about him. He said that will help keep him motivated and in the game.
Ralph kept laughing at everything Howard was saying. Gary did his impression of Ralph laughing.
Howard asked Ralph what he has to say. Ralph said this is difficult after a bomb goes off. Robin said that's what it was like in there when they had nothing to say when Gary said that line earlier.
Howard asked Ralph if he can say something nice. Ralph said he has been listening to the show since WNBC. He said he's been there from the beginning. He said he loves the show and thinks it's great and he can't imagine the world without his voice. He said the show is better now even in Quarantine. He said as his friend he thinks this is the only decision that he could have made. He said he thinks he would have missed it if he wasn't doing it. Howard said after today's show who could miss it.
Robin said she wanted to ask Gary if he had anything to add to that. Gary said he's holding back on what he wants to say to her.
Howard said he wasn't even considering that there were people who would be upset about it. Gary said he's really upset that he thinks what he thinks. Ralph said he cold have resentment because he's brought everything in his life to him. He said that's another way to look at things.
Gary asked if he thinks that everyone on the staff have resentment. Howard said there are people who will have a hard time with it but they manage themselves. Robin said there's a shadow self. She said we have the yin and the yang. She said that most of it is one or the other but then the other thing comes out and it got past his gate.
Gary said he was anxious and in a rush to bring Howard material he thought he'd want. Howard said he thought John Lennon getting shot on this day was the worst thing to happen on this day but it turns out it wasn't.
Ralph said there's a great show on Showtime with Bryan Cranston. He said it's called ''Your Honor'' and you should just watch it. Howard said there are a lot of negative comments about that show on Facebook though.
Howard said he wants to say a few words about John Lennon but he has to take a call. He took a call from a woman who said she thinks he's spot on about Gary. She said he says things without thinking about them and he may have some resentments that he may not even realize.
Howard took a call from TV Critic Jeff Jarvis who gave him a huge ''Yeah!'' and said that he's shocked that Howard is giving another 5 years. He said that he's his age and he's surprised by that. Jeff said that Howard has made himself into a great interviewer and he has to give him compliments for that. He asked if he's going to continue to work from home for 5 years. Howard said once the COVID mess is worked out they'll work in the studio. He said they can use this new technology though. He said the idea of doing the show from home has made it easier to do. He said they felt that it worked too so they agreed he can do it from home or the studio.
Jeff asked why he'd go to the studio. Howard said the one thing he's thinking about is when musicians are in the studio with him so grey will have a combination of shows over the next 5 years. He said they will go out to L.A. and do shows from time to time too. He said they have the ability to do it from home or from the studio. He said if they think it's better from the studio then they'll do it there. He said lets not commit to anything.
Jeff asked what it is that makes it better doing it from home. Howard said it makes it easier to do things from home. He said talking to some guests is just easier. He said Jim Carrey was at home and showed him the Charlie Chaplain cane. He said that was something that won't happen in the studio. He said they will evaluate it and figure out what they want to do.
Jeff said Howard sounds happier doing it from home. Howard said he is. He said he even said to the guys at Sirius that he doesn't know how many they'll do from home. He said that Robin did a lot of shows from her house when she had cancer. He said to him it's irrelevant where they do it from. He said the company doesn't care where they do it from either. He said they make it easy for him to broadcast so he's going to use that.
Jeff asked if he has any plans for the next 5 years. Howard said he has a lot of plans. He said he has too many ideas about where the show can go. He said they've just started with the app so they can do a lot of things. He said one of the things was that made him want to re-sign was to do something with Pandora. He said that would be ground breaking. He said they'll have to see what happens.
Jeff said he's delighted and he owes Gary an apology because that was a great half hour of radio. Howard thanked Jeff for the call and let him go.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's happy he's staying. She said that she remembers when he stayed on the air on 9/11 and what that meant to her. Howard said a lot of people are happy for him to be staying. He said his psychiatrist is perplexed about why he didn't know what to do. He said he had to listen to other people.
Howard thanked the caller for being so positive. He asked Gary if he has any negative comments from her that he can share. The caller thanked Robin for being there too. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's 78 and she's dancing around her house. She said that COVID doesn't matter to her now that Howard is sticking around another 5 years. She said that he had to stick around. She said that she called in 8 years ago too. Howard said not everyone feels the way she does. He said that he's very level headed thanks to Gary today. The caller, Donna, said there's nothing that can maker her happier. She said she didn't know what she was going to do if he went off the air. Howard said imagine that Gary's words are burning in his ear constantly. He said that's why he has to go to therapy 4 times a week. Robin said that's amazing that she's been there for 8 years.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Gary's mistake... Howard said it wasn't a mistake. He said that Gary needed to let him know that not everyone was happy about him staying there. The caller said it's nice to see that someone as great as him can have feelings and reactions to negative comments and turn them around. She said it helped uplift everyone. Howard thanked her for the call.
Howard said that he wants to talk about something to get this off his mind. He said he wants to talk about John Lennon. He took a call from King of All Blacks first. King said congratulations to him. He asked if he feels different having more money than he did yesterday. Howard said no. He said it's not about money for him. He said he doesn't need to work to support his family at this point. He said he has a need inside him to keep working. He said that's the truth. He said that he doesn't buy a lot of things and he's not materialistic.
King said that if he didn't have $5 million yesterday and had it today he'd go buy a G63 Mercedes today. He said it's the greatest car in the world. Howard said the difference between them is that he looks at money differently than him. He said whenever he could make $10 he believed in saving it. He said he wanted to have a nest egg. He said if the radio thing fell apart he'd have some money. He said that happens to some people. He said he has radio friends who are out of work. He said that money never meant a Mercedes truck. He said he wanted that cushion of money in case something happened. King said that nest egg is like an ostrich egg at this point. Howard said he has no idea how many people he has to support. King said he can only imagine something simple as a table in his house and what it cost.
Howard said a few years ago he and Beth wanted to redo the house. He said this designer brought him to an auction and this coffee table was $400,000. He said he doesn't know who would buy that. He said there's no way he would pay that much for a table. He said there's nothing in his DNA that says he should own that. He said he'd rather give it to charity. He said he's not a guy who buys things like that.
King said he understands that but to him he wants people to see him in things that are expensive. He said he's not going to spend that kind of money for a coffee table. He said that they know that a G63 costs a lot of money. Howard asked what else he would buy. King said he likes clothes. Howard hung up on him a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he's being too nice to Baba Booey. She said that he's being resentful. She said that her boyfriend was resentful toward her. She said he had no right to do what he did.
Howard said he would never want to be married to someone in show business. He said that you can't come home and brag about anything. He said your spouse's career may not be doing as well. He said you have to understand. THE caller said she thinks that Gary is a narcissistic asshole. She said he's just so resentful and it's disgusting what he did. Gary said he can't imagine why her boyfriend left her. The caller said continue his assholeishness. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said John Lennon was shot in the back 4 times. He said he was hit in the back twice and 2 times in the shoulder. He said one of the hollow point bullets hit his aorta and killed him. He said John Lennon was a very important person. He said there are a lot of important people but John Lennon to him was very important. He said he can't believe that someone thought they had the right to take him away from us. He said his music was mind blowing and he was an original thinker. He said he thinks about him all the time.
Howard said Ringo posted about John today and said he hopes that someone will play Strawberry Fields Forever today. Howard said he'll do better than that. He said that John has been gone for 40 years now and half their audience wasn't even alive when he was shot. He said he wants to pay tribute to John today. He said he wanted to share some of his music though. Howard played ''You've Got To Hide Your Love'' and let that play for a bit. Howard said that came out in 1965. He said John never confirmed who the song was about.
Howard said the other song is ''Norwegian Wood'' and played some of that. Howard said this is the first time a Western song that was a hit featured a sitar.
Howard played some ''She Said She Said'' and said that everyone knew that they were getting more and more experimental and some of the guys did LSD with Peter Fonda and some of the guys in the Birds. He said this song is such a brilliant song.
Howard played ''Tomorrow Never Knows'' and talked about some of the stuff John did with that song to get the trippy vibe. Howard played some ''Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'' and explained what that song was about. He said the song was about a painting that his son Julian had done in school. He said Lucy was a classmate and she died in 2009 after a long battle with Lupus.
Howard said that ''Strawberry Fields Forever'' was a Salvation Army home near where John grew up. He said he was obsessed with it. He said there's a whole story about it. He went through some of the details he had.
Howard played ''A Day in the Life'' and ''All You Need is Love'' and said that John wanted to keep that song simple so everyone around the world could sing it no matter what language they spoke.
Howard played ''I Am The Walrus'' and he said when he learned this he got it. He said what John wanted to do was imitate the British siren with the lyrics. He said that's brilliant. He said what about this one. He played ''Dear Prudence'' and a little bit of ''Happiness is a Warm Gun.'' He read some notes he had about that song and what it was about.
Howard played a couple more Beatles songs like ''Revolution'' and ''Come Together.'' Robin and Howard talked about what they remembered about the songs when they were growing up. Howard had some details about how the song ''Come Together'' came about.
Howard said he loves this song ''Across the Universe.'' Howard said when he wrote ''Mother'' he couldn't believe it. He played a little bit of that. He said ''Working Class Hero'' was a great one too. He played some of that.
Howard said another great one is ''God.'' He played some of that and sang along with it. Howard said this is such a good song. He said he was rejecting all movements.
Howard played some ''Imagine'' and said you can't leave this one out of any tribute. He said it's the best selling song of his solo career. Howard said this song has been covered by over 200 artists. He asked Robin to guess who inspired this song. Robin asked who. Howard said comedian Dick Gregory gave him a prayer book and that inspired him to write it.
Howard said John was taken from us 40 years ago today. Robin said they can't talk to them. Howard said that he's unavailable to talk to them.
Howard had fake Yoko Ono on the phone to talk to them. The guys had clips of Yoko screeching out songs in her own way. Howard said that this shows the horror of what happened on this day.
Howard said that's beautiful. Robin said what a moving voice. Howard played ''Jealous Guy'' and some ''Gimme Some Truth'' and a bunch of other songs. He was going through them very quickly.
Howard said 40 years ago Gary was on the air at WLIR and announced the death of John Lennon. Gar said it was days later and grey were doing vigils and they had everyone covering the vigil and they sent an intern out to cover things on Long Island. Howard had some audio of Gary from 40 years ago. In the clip Gary was asking people how they discovered the Beatles and what it meant to them. Howard said Gary had some accent back then. Gary said he sounded just like the guys he was interviewing. Howard said that was definitely a Long Island station. Howard said there it is. He said he just loved John Lennon.
Howard had Jeff on the line and put them on together. Jeff and Erik were talking over one another and cursing each other out.
Howard said they got a lot of email about Jeff when the had him on the other day. He said that people really don't want him on the show anymore. Howard read through some of that feedback and talked about the Jeff the Drunk Puppet that Shuli had. He said that's up on the app now. He read some feedback about the puppet. Howard said the visual is really funny. He said Shuli made it out of trash he found.
Howard said he has to thank Erik for the call. He said Erik has some great content when he calls in. He said it's rude of Jeff to say that he doesn't. Jeff said he never said he doesn't have content. Erik asked why he said Howard shouldn't take his calls. Jeff said he was just saying that he spends more time with Erik and those guys more than he does with him. Jeff said he wants Howard to make him funny like he does with Erik.
Erik said he's fucked up in the head. He said his puppet looks better than him. Jeff told him to shut up. He said go fly to California. Erik said he just came back.
Howard said speaking of Erik's trip, he has Shuli on the phone to talk about that. He said Erik wasn't wearing a mask in L.A. Shuli got on and said that Erik was on line at a Gamestop and he smoked a cigar so he didn't have a mask on. He said he bought an Xbox and sold that to get a PS5. He said he brought that home with him. He said Erik got tested and flew out to L.A. He said he got tested there. He said Erik came back and he left and came home and went out to hang out with buddies. He said then he went to a party and he didn't tell him what it was for. He said he found out it was for a 1 year old kid. He said now he's going to get tested again.
Howard said Erik isn't going to make it 5 years if he doesn't stop. He said he has to wait for the vaccine. Erik said he got his results from Sunday and he's still negative. Howard said he has to be more careful. He said he knows that. Shuli said he thinks that because he's taking vitamin C that he'll be fine. He said his diet is shot and he ate $75 of chicken wings one night. He said he still drinks soda even though he denies it.
Howard said Erik hung up. He said he must be upset about this. Shuli told Howard he's staying with a buddy and his buddy has pictures of him walking around his apartment naked. He said Erik says he does that because he's doing his laundry.
Shuli said Erik has been strange lately. He said the guy who invited Erik out to L.A. told him not to come because the numbers were going up. He said Erik insisted on coming so the guy canceled plans with his family so he could do Thanksgiving with Erik. They played a High Pitch Erik song parody after that.
Howard said Shuli has whipped out the High Pitch Erik and Jeff the Drunk puppets. He said he has to put this up on the app too. Shuli did his Erik impression and then his Jeff the Drunk impression. He had Howard and Robin cracking up. Howard said he's built such a shitty puppet that the Jeff the Drunk almost fell apart on its first use.
Howard asked if Jeff and Erik can just get along. Shuli kept going with the impressions and Howard said he could watch this all day. He said he feels like he's watching the Muppets. Howard asked the guys if they can have a Kumbaya moment together. Jeff puppet and Erik puppet went off on each other more. Shuli had the two yelling at each other. Howard said the Erik puppet looks just like Erik. He said it's genius.
Howard had Erik back on the line. He asked where he went. Erik said the call just dropped. Howard said it wasn't him. Erik said it wasn't him either.
Howard asked Shuli what's going on with Erik's diet. Shuli said that grey had the wings and then he had cookies delivered and Erik ate 10 out of the 12. He said this guy Mike is the guy who invited him out and he's a good guy. He said Mike took care of Erik and he was like his benefactor before Erik had money. He said that Mike is on anger management classes and he has Erik walking around naked in his house behind him.
Howard said Erik must shit all day long. He asked what it's like to have him over. Shuli said he had Joey Boots and Erik over for Thanksgiving one year and he had to throw out a chair because he bent the leg on it. Howard said he thought that he shit in his bathroom and clogged the toilet. Shuli said that was Joey Boots. He said that he has seen Erik shit though because he was there at the Craptacular. He said that he got stuck on a toilet once and Joey Boots had to try to pull him out. Howard said they have to put that up on the app.
Howard said Ralph showed up to the Craptacular and he ran out and threw up after going in the apartment. Shuli said he ran to a window and threw up out the window. He said that's when they learned that one of his cats had clawed through the screen to get out of the apartment.
Howard asked how long Erik was out in L.A. Erik said he was there for 3 weeks. Howard asked how many times he shits. Erik said 2 or 3 times a day. Howard asked if it's loose. Erik said it all goes down when he flushes.
Erik said his diet isn't so bad. Shuli said be honest. He said he bought a 12 pack of Coke 24 hours before his flight. Erik said he didn't drink any of it. He said he left it there for when he goes back.
Shuli said Erik doesn't get the concept of COVID. He said he only wears a mask when he has to go into a place when he has to wear one. Erik said he always wears one.
Shuli said Erik came to his house once with a mask on and it was holding on for dear life. Howard asked how much he weighs now. Shuli said he's not sure but it has to be like 350. Erik said it's not that much. He said he'll weigh himself and take a picture.
Howard said that gastric bypass surgery Erik had was all for nothing. Erik said no it wasn't. He said they don't know.
Shuli asked what snacks Erik has in his apartment right now. Erik said he has pretzel chips and some cashews. Shuli said he's so full of loose shit. Erik said no he's not. Howard let Erik go after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he just prevented her and her husband from having to learn golf for the next 5 years. She said he brings so much joy to their lives and it means a lot. She said she's been getting up early to hear the show live for the past few weeks just to hear if he re-signed. Howard thanked her for the call.
Howard said in another call they had a southern mom call a place to hire a Santa. Howard played that one where the woman was testing the guy about what to say when the kids say things to him about Santa.
Howard said they have a new Santa call where they have Little Donnie which is Donald Trump pitched up to sound like a bratty kid. He said they had a clip of him talking about beating off and they called a service and told them that their son was a chronic masturbator. Howard played the call where Sal told this Santa guy that his son beats off and he thinks that he might help if he tells him to stop. The guy agreed to go along with it. Sal played clips of Little Donnie talking about beating off to the China Virus and to Rush Limbaugh and Puerto Rico and a turkey. The Santa said he can't do this anymore. Sal convinced him to stay on though. They had Little Donnie jerking off after Santa said ''Touch yourself.'' He eventually hung up and said he can only take so much no matter what they're paying him.
Howard said this was an exhausting show today. He said it was very emotional. He said at some point it stopped being fun. He said he can't put his finger on it. Fred played a Gary clearing his throat drop.
Howard took a call from Angry Gary who told him he has 30 seconds so go now. The guys had clips of Gary calling him names and things like that. Howard said he'll have to take this off the air. The guys had Gary laugh. Howard said today was a great day and nothing rained on his parade. He said eh's happy to be there another 5 years. Robins said her day starts off with a smile whenever she sees his face. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard said it's hard to think that his dad was ever funny listening to that tape. He said it is funny though. He said his father is a very serious man. He did his impression of him asking questions. He said he didn't relate to children though.
Howard said he was reading some questions from fans about quarantine. He said he got an email from a friend who said he hopes he's being safe but then he asked if he wanted to come over for lunch. He said that's not being safe. He said it doesn't make sense. Robin said a friend of her's wanted to go out to eat at a restaurant. She said she's fine with Zoom. she said her friend is a hugger and you're not supposed to hug people. Howard asked what the hell is wrong with people. He said he's not sure what this Zoom eating thing is either. He said he doesn't like having people watch him eat. He said it's disgusting.
Howard said he was on a Zoom the other day and 2 people were eating dinner. He said he figured they could eat first. He said people aren't in the best shape either. He said you don't need to be shoveling food in every second of the day. He said give the illusion that you take a break.
Howard said he understands the pleasure of eating with people around you at your house or out to dinner but not on Zoom. Robin said she doesn't want to watch everyone eat on Zoom.
Howard said he and his kids got together on Zoom for Thanksgiving but then they went to eat. He said they do everything perfectly. He said it's great to be an expert on etiquette.
Howard read a question about what he'd do if Sal or Richard died from COVID. They wondered if Howard would get on Zoom for the funeral. Howard said of course he would. He said he's not going to miss that. He said he's not sure what people think of him.
Howard said he made this announcement about his new contract yesterday and everything was perfect other than the Gary glitch. He said a friend of his called and said he did the right thing. He said they think he would have had his brain go to mush. He said he's not sure he believes that. He said he's always pining away for free time.
Robin said she's thinking about the time they were fired from NBC. Howard said he thought his career could be over and he had a new daughter who was only a year old. He said that there was a lot going on back then. He said he didn't know what he was going to do so he was in a panic. Howard said he and Robin had to make money quick so they did some live shows and things. He said now they could just stay home and live their lives.
Robin said she's never just sitting around. Howard said she's different than him. He said she needs a job to keep her busy. He said he has a very unusual personality. He said he would rather be in jail than out in the real world. He said he likes painting and blocking everything out in the real world. He said that's probably why he and Robin work so well together.
Robin said after the riots broke out after Martin Luther King was killed they had a curfew. She said she never went anywhere and the idea of not being able to go out made her want to go out. She said she doesn't like being told what to do.
Howard said his mother made him go to school when Martin Luther King Jr. was killed. He said that was very dangerous. He said she made him go and she's like a chicken hawk. He said that she wasn't afraid so she made him go to school. He said she sent someone else off to war. He said Trump is a big miltiary tough guy but he dodged the draft. He said he's not saying he wouldn't have done the same thing. He said he knows that he's a big pussy himself. He said don't be a big tough guy and send guys off to war if you're a big pussy though. Howard said it was crazy times.
Howard said yesterday he heard from a lot of people about the re-signing with Sirius. He said there's a guy named Michael Fleming who was talking about how he should take on PornHub with this underage women in the porn industry thing. He said every article is like that and telling him to fix things. He said it was an interesting article. He said everyone had a point of view about him signing. He said he got a bunch of nice emails about that.
Howard read through some of the email he got about the new contract. He said Bubba the Love Sponge contacted him and he was one of the first. Howard said Bubba told him not to forget how much he's appreciated. He said he wrote Bubba a love letter back. He said he always loved working with Bubba.
Howard said he has so much. He said Madison the morning woman on Lithium wrote a tweet. He said that Jose from Liquid Metal wrote something nice about the signing. He read his comments about the signing. Howard said that Jose is getting a little long in the tooth to be metal 24/7.
Howard read more comments from people at Sirius who commented on the new contract. Howard said the fans were writing in too. He read some of those comments from fans who have been with him for a really long time.
Howard said there's a lot of them there. He said a lot of fans cried tears of joy. He read some comments from fans who cried. Robin said she wants to see that Mariann thing again. Howard said he watched it about 5 times last night. He said he tweeted it out on his account last night. Howard said Mariann wasn't able to get that safe open and it's made for 3 year olds. Howard said people were surprised about how good looking Mariann is. He said she's very cute. He said it throws him every time. He said you picture some monstrous human being but she's adorable. He said she was cute with the safe.
Howard said fans were happy that she was in charge of opening up that safe. Howard said he thanked his lawyer for her help last night. He said he had to have a lawyer for this deal. He said he asked her if she can believe that it all came down to a woman in Brooklyn opening a safe. He said he can't think of a better way to announce it. Howard read some fan feedback about that moment on the show.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that was the greatest honor of her life. Howard said he couldn't think of a better way to announce it. He said she was so genuinely excited for the show. He said the only way it would have been better is if she struggled with that safe for another 2 hours. Mariann said that the pressure of going on Zoom with him and not knowing what was in the box and all of that. She said that she didn't want to disappoint anyone. She said she hates the way she looks. She said she did put her hair up. She said she loves Howard so much. She said she just ordered a 5 year calendar. She said the fans have been writing to her about how much grey love him.
Howard said the fantasy he had was that she was going to struggle with the safe for 4 hours. He said she got it open pretty quickly but it's meant for children. Robin said someone wrote that their 7 year old has that safe and they have no problem opening it.
Howard said he saw Robin getting frustrated with her but he loved it. He said it would have been great if it was locked for the entire 4 hours.
Howard said then Gary had to tell him that not everyone was happy that he re-signed. He said this guy thought it would be a good time to tell him that. He said Gary should know how fragile he is by now. He said he can't look at one negative thing about himself. He said that if someone thinks he sucks he takes it to heart. He said he doesn't read social media or what the trolls say. He said he knows they think he's not funny and he blows. He said they like to go off on him when they don't agree with him politically. He said they think he's changed. He said he hopes he has changed.
Howard said the deal is that he doesn't want to hear that stuff. Robin said not in the middle of a celebration. She said that's like stopping a wedding to tell you that your wife cheated. Howard said everything was so great and Gary barrels in and tells him that not everyone is happy. He said he's like Debbie Downer Dell'Abate.
Mariann said this is what the show is about. She said he was caught up in the show and he opened his mouth before he thought about it. Howard said he did. Robin said he didn't have to barrel in. She said he just had to get Howard's attention. Howard said they were all congratulating each other. He said that he wasn't sure if he should have done this. He said he thought it was the right move though. He said then it was all of a sudden Gary tells him the world hates him. He said when that happens then internally he thinks Gary wants to read him all of the comments. He said he doesn't want to admit it bothers him but he doesn't want to admit it.
Howard said Gary should know how fragile he is by now. Robin said while his shield was down Gary has to go ''Uh, Boff...'' Howard said he couldn't believe it. He said he remembers the look of horror. He said he thinks about the look on everyone's faces. He said they were all staring at each other. He said he had to go on the air with that. He said they did what they did on the air and some people thought he was too mean and some thought he wasn't mean enough to Gary.
Howard said as soon as the show ended he felt bad for Gary. He said he went to Gary and told him he loves him and told him he saved the show. He said Gary thanked him for that. He said he just wanted Gary to be okay. He said he went into phony mode and told Gary he saved the show. Robin said she believed him when he did that. She said he looked sincere. Howard said he thought that he had to clean up that mess and tell Gary that he was a genius. He said that was the best thing Gary could have done.
Mariann said that Michael Rapaport called the Wrap Up Show to talk about that. She said that she agrees it was a day of celebration. She said it was a sore spot but they have to move on. Howard thanked her for that and for yesterday. Mariann kept talking so he hung up on her.
Howard said he was more worried about Gary having a good day after the show. He said it was brilliant what he did because they did goof on Gary for a half hour. Robin said it was two sided. She said that one side thought it was a kick in the balls.
Howard said that he went upstairs and Beth told him that he should be mad at Gary. He said that he was celebrating and Gary ruined it. He said Gary got what he wanted and made it all about himself. Gary said yeah, that's what he wanted.
Gary asked if he's going to do the same thing today after the show ends. Howard said sure he will. Gary said he knows some people who called him. He said Ralph called and said he was an asshole about the whole thing. Howard said Ralph was laughing so hard he wasn't able to leave a message. He said it was a brilliant smack in the head Gary gave him.
Howard had some songs about how Gary always finds a new way to fuck him up. He said even after all these years he can fuck him up. He asked if he doesn't know how fragile he is. Gary said he knows he is. He said he won't defend it.
Howard asked Gary if he heard the Michael Rapaport voicemail. Gary said he called the Wrap Up Show to yell at him so he heard that. Howard played the voicemail Michael left about Gary fucking up the show. He went off on Gary about all of the things that are wrong with him and how he ground the show to a stop yesterday.
Howard said Michael has all of the nuances about Gary in there. Gary said if he just put that into his acting. Howard said he is a great actor. Gary said he actually is. Howard said it was a great message for him about his re-signing.
Howard played a song parody from James Cargill about Gary screwing up the show with that comment yesterday. It was called ''Bad News Baba Booey.''
Howard said his wife told him that Gary's value is his fucking up. He said that was funny. Gary said Howard's dad used to remind him of that too. He said that his dad said that Gary never ceases to amaze him. Howard said that's right.
Howard said he has another song called ''Gary Brings Us Down.'' He played that song parody and said that's a good one. He said that Gary actually did save the show yesterday. He said that he doesn't want to bum Gary out by playing more songs. Gary said that's what he's there for. Howard said it inspired a lot of people. He said he does love Gary and he's his guy. He asked how long they've been together. Gary said 36 years. Howard said here's to 5 more. He said be gentle with him over the next 5.
Howard said Gary thought the show was being too positive and Gary had to bring it down. Gary said Howard thinks that he had to bring him back to reality.
Howard said that one listener wrote in asking about a dinner he had with Jerry Seinfeld where they talked about his future. He said they asked how Jerry advised him and how it weighed on his decision. Howard said Jerry was very gracious about the whole thing. He said it didn't really weigh on his decision. He said Jerry asked him a lot of questions about what he would do if he did retire. Howard said he did think that he would continue on with his contract after that dinner. He said he didn't think he was done with this phase of his life. He said then he asked Jerry some things and Jerry said it was all about him that night. He said that he asked Jerry what he's going to do. He said Jerry said he was going to continue on too. He said he thinks Jerry stopped doing Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. He said that Jerry went the opposite way.
Howard said Jerry doesn't have a show that wakes him up at 4 in the morning but he does get up to write jokes every day. He said Jerry was very nice to take the time to discuss what he would do in the future. He said it was a nice thing for him to do that.
Robin said he was very moved by it so it must have filled some void. Howard said he gets very emotional when someone does something like that because his father never did that. He said that his thoughts didn't count with his parents. He said his parents were too busy with their own thoughts. He said when Jerry takes time to sit down with him he wants to start blubbering and crying. He said it's too much.
Howard said the announcement made the news yesterday. He said he saw it mentioned in a lot of various newspapers and the trade papers. He said it was very positive. He said it made news on TV too. He had some clips from some news programs. He said one guy was jealous of his broadcast schedule. He said this guy is in Charlotte, North Carolina. Howard said when he had to be on stations like that he didn't have a lighter schedule. He said that he had to work a lot. Howard played the clip and the news guy announced Howard's new schedule and said he works a day and a half a week or so.
Howard said you can get that deal too if you hang around long enough. Robin said radio will give you that deal.
Howard said they make it seem like he's on vacation. He said they give 12-13 hours a week of show. He said some people do an hour of podcast a week.
Howard said this guy from KTLA thinks he makes too much money. He played a clip of the guy talking about how Howard is 66 years old and he signed on for another 5 years. Howard said he's not sure why the guy in the same business as him isn't excited for him to be making money. He said that it's like saying you want the owners to make more money. He said it means that maybe all of them can make more money. He said this guy doesn't see it that way.
Howard said this guy Jason from The Jason Show in Minnesota is a big fan. He said it was a love fest. Howard played a clip from that show where this guy Jason was talking about what a great interviewer Howard Stern is and how he can get you to like someone like Katherine Heigle. He said he liked her after hearing an interview with her. Jason said he likes Robin, Fred and Beth too. Jason's co-host said she likes Howard's curls in his hair.
Howard said you can't get a better review. He said he called Jason one time last year to thank him for the support. He said he was feeling really good so he was going to call Jason and thank him again. He said he thought it would be nice. He said he got his voicemail and it was full. He said this guy doesn't clear his voicemail. He said that he had a bunch of things he was going to tell him but he wasn't able to.
Howard said he calls from a line that's blocked so you can't tell who he is. He said that he did call Jason yesterday. He said delete some of those voicemails so he can call.
Howard said even Robin cleans out her voicemail. He said he can leave her a message. He said that drives him crazy when he can't leave a message.
Howard said he has more feedback about Gary's comments. He read through more of those where people were going off on Gary for taking Howard's happiness away from him yesterday.
Howard said some people thought he was too hard on Gary for peeing on his parade. He read through some of those comments. Howard said some people think he wasn't hard enough and some think he was too hard on him.
Howard said one last email about Gary. He said that Howard was very cruel to him and it was signed by ISIS.
Howard said that people commented on the tribute to John Lennon he did yesterday. He said someone said that he thinks that he would have been friends with John if he had lived. Howard said he's not sure about that after everything he's said about Yoko. He said she has to know that the screaming and yelling isn't really music so she has to let him off the hook for that. Howard said there were people who said that was the best music they had ever heard.
Howard said if he had been able to interview John he's not sure he could have gotten through it. He said he just loved those guys so much. He read more comments about the John Lennon thing and people were talking about how they could have been great friends. Howard said he's not sure about that.
Howard said they have a lot of material up on the app about John and the Beatles. He said they took all of the covers of the Beatles and John Lennon songs that were done in the studio and put them together. He played some Chris Cornell covering ''Imagine.''
Howard said they have a million of them up on the app. He said he loves Gary Clark Jr. covering ''Come Together.'' He played some of that. He said Peter Frampton did ''Norwegian Wood.'' He played that. Howard wondered how Peter is doing.
Howard said Spoon did ''Isolation'' in their studio. He played some of that. Howard said Stone Temple Pilots covered ''Revolution'' so he played some of that. Howard said one of his favorite covers was when Enuff Z'Nuff covered ''Revolution'' in the studio. He said he never got why they weren't bigger than they were. He said he was all in on them. He played some of their cover.
Howard asked Robin what the lead singer's name is. Robin said she can only think of Chip. Z'Nuff. Robin said here was also Donny. Howard said he's not sure where they are but he wants to give them a big shout out.
Howard said they have some cool stuff on the app. He said check it out. Howard said people were upset to hear about David Lander dying. He read some feedback about the tribute he did for him.
Howard said he talked about the time he had Lenny and Squiggy on the show in Hartford. He said that his Program Director told him how great their album was going to be. He said this was not a highlight of their careers. He said that this album came out in 1979. Howard played some of their album. It wasn't good.
Howard said in Hartford they wanted results in the ratings. He said when his Program Director went all in on Lenny and the Squigtones he was thinking he was going to get fired. He said that they had a countdown to when they were going to be on the show. He said he was going to have Lenny and Squiggy on the show and he would play a cut from their album. He played another clip of a song and said he could feel the ratings drop when he'd play that stuff.
Robin said WCCC was a rock station. Howard said they played rock and roll and it was no fucking around rock and roll. Robin asked how this guy got duped into this. Howard said he thinks he just loved Laverne and Shirley or he just wanted him to fail.
Howard said that this was the time of the Blues Brothers so maybe they thought they could do something. Robin said she gets why they did it but she's not sure why the Program Director did it. Howard said he was all in. He said he was such a good programmer. He said he didn't get it. He said he never admitted he was wrong.
Howard played some more tracks from the Lenny and Squiggy album. He had some songs and some comedy off the album. Howard said it was good when they were Lenny and Squiggy. He said he's sorry that David died. He said this album is a particularly sore spot for him. He said Fred knows about this. Fred said he's not making up one thing about this. He said it's all truthful.
Howard said Christopher Guest played guitar on the album. He said they later created Spinal Tap with Michael McKean and Christopher.
The caller said he grew up in Maryland so he remembers the DC-101 studio being in a shack in an industrial area. Howard said he's not right. He said it was a beautiful studio. He said the guys who owned the station were builders and they had a really nice station. He said that they were in Washington DC on Connecticut Avenue. He said Washington was built like Paris and he wasn't able to figure it out. He said they had a circle and he'd get lost. He said he had to drive into a garage for the building. He said he never knew how to do that. He said he came to hate the station but it was really nice there. He said the GM was there across from the radio studio and he hated that. He said he'd watch the guy come in with his coat and cigar. He said that they'd get there at 4 and Gof LeBar would come in around 9 and he'd think he was pissed off at him and he was going to lose his job. He said it was horrible. He said this whole career has been horrible. Robin said it was horrible up until Sirius. Howard said it was one nightmare after another.
The caller said he prank called Howard on DC-101. Howard said he doesn't care and hung up on the guy.
Howard said K-Rock looked like a junk yard when they got up there. He said that he had his mom up there and she wondered what kind of station that is. He said she wondered why grey never painted anything. Howard said no matter what it was like they would let it decay. He said K-Rock was a junk heap from the start and they let that decay. He said they didn't even have a nice chair to sit in. He said he had to buy his own chair. He said they were fine with that. He said it was crazy. He said even some of the equipment didn't work and they told them to work with what they had.
Howard said it's unbelievable some of those places they worked in. He said now he's there and working in his basement. Robin said thank goodness he has a nice house. Howard said he's back to working in a basement. He said in his first job he worked in a bedroom. Robin said everyone starts in a bedroom.
Howard said the house he worked in had 2 bedrooms. Robin said she worked in a house that had a floor that you could put your foot through.
Howard said the first station he was at had the sales staff in the living room. He said you'd walk upstairs and the studio was in one bedroom. He said they had an office up there and the records in a closet. He said it was really weird. He said people would walk in off the street and ask if that was the station. He said you'd tell them they had to leave and they'd tell you to go fuck yourself.
Gary said he worked at a station on Long Island and he worked in Hempstead. He said his car radio got stolen twice from the parking lot there. He said he was just a kid trying to work and he had his radio stolen.
Howard said at least he had somewhere to go. He said he got a nice email from Rob Burnett who was the producer of David Letterman's show. He said Rob wrote him a real funny one. He said he took a picture of his radio in his car and it shows ''Howard 100 Remembering John Lennon'' and then it says on Howard 101 ''Ass Napkin Ed.'' he said Rob wrote that there's a buffet to satisfy everyone. He said anyone who doesn't adore the show is an idiot. Howard said he's going to frame that picture.
Howard said he learned one thing from that call. He said that devotional's save. Robin said it was like she was caught up in someone's soap opera. Howard said she did stick it out. Howard did a commercial for Blackened American Whiskey before going to break.
Howard came back and said he thinks the singer in this band doesn't like him. He said he's the bigger man and admits that he likes her band. He said he saw some interview where she went out of her way to mention she hates him. Robin said that's not a good thing to carry around. Howard said he thinks she's a religious person. He said they hate the most. Robin said it's amazing. Howard said if the band is good he'll overlook that kind of stuff. He said he still likes Pink Floyd event though he doesn't like Roger Waters.
Howard said he can overlook things like that woman who was testifying about the ballot thing with Rudy Giuliani. He said he'd still fuck her.
Howard said he and Beth had a celebratory Bang O'clock yesterday. He said they were in his office and it was kind of chilly in here. He said he has this blanket in there and he snuggled up with Beth to keep hear warm and she liked that. He said he started coming on to her and she asked what he was doing. He said he was just very amorous after signing his new contract.
Howard said Beth told him they weren't going to do anything because she hadn't showered. He said he told her he likes her stinky. He said she had to shower first. He said he waited for that. Robin said you know it's going to happen but you have to wait. Howard said he had to set up the room too. He said he has to get in bed before she can see his penis flaccid. He said he likes looking at her naked but she doesn't want him doing that. He said he has to keep the room dim. He said it's a tricky thing to get right. He said that they have been together over 20 years and he knows how to get the lighting right.
Howard said he has to remove some of the pillows from the bed. He said Beth likes to have a lot of them on the bed during the day. He said he gets rid of those and gets under the covers nude. He said then Beth comes in and she's always surprised that he's nude. He said this has been going on 20 years and she's still shocked. He said she dated guys who would walk around the house naked. He said that he doesn't do that. He said they both think that's disgusting. He said he wouldn't care if she walked around nude. He said if he had her body he'd do that.
Howard said he did his thing and Beth came in with this chamois thing she wears. He said then they get into it. He said he has his moves that he does to get her excited. Robin said congratulations. She said he got a reward. Howard said he did for his big signing.
Howard said he needs this guy to do his job. He said he didn't hear ''fake'' or ''news'' once. He said that he wasn't complaining about people being out to get him or hearing ''lock him up'' or anything.
Robin said it wasn't a rally, it was just a news conference. Howard said it was nice and nothing was nasty. He said he didn't have a battle with Jimmy Kimmel or Danny Zuker on Twitter.
Robin said she saw President Trump trying to get credit for the Coronavirus vaccine. Howard said Biden didn't mention his ratings being very strong or anything. He said it was very relaxing and very nice. He said that's all he's looking for. He said zero mention of witch hunts or the CIA and FBI being out to get him.
Howard said there's this politician in Hungary, Jozsef Szajer, who is very anti-gay and they caught him at a 25 man orgy. He said he loves that. He said if he was secretly gay and conservative he wouldn't bash the gays. He said he's not sure what it is about people like that who are so anti-gay. He said anyone who is that anti-gay has to be gay. He said that's what he thinks when he sees this. Howard said this guy was caught at this thing after climbing out a window and trying to run away.
Howard read about what this guy did and how he didn't admit that he was gay but he did say he was sorry he went to a private party during lock down.
Howard said that this guy isn't just simply gay. He said this was a 25 man orgy. He said this is during a global pandemic that this guy is going out doing this. Howard said 25 is an odd number for an orgy. Robin said that you might be an odd man out at times but you should be able to find a partner.
Howard said that Chris Wilding isn't even that gay that he'd go to a 25 man orgy. Chris said maybe after 9 months of quarantine. Howard said his computer just blanked out. He told Chris to hold on. He said all of his tech just blanked. He said everything is gone. Chris said it must be homophobic.
Howard asked if the guys can hear that voice or is it just in his head. Robin said she heard it. Howard said he knows they're good on the air but is his equipment coming back. The guys were saying something in his headphones but it wasn't coming over the air.
Howard said that Chris has not been to a 25 man orgy. Chris said h was with 2 men and that was more than he could handle. Howard said that's a commitment to be gay when you go to something like that. Chris said he knows guys who are like that and he's not sure if he can be with them after quarantine. He said he also thinks the asshole can only take so much.
Howard thanked Chris for that. Robin said they had a bisexual on Jeopardy. She said they knew that because the guy was wearing a bisexual flag pin on the show. Robin said a lot of the audience was very supportive. Robin said they knew that he was bisexual because of that pin.
Howard asked Chris if he has ever slept with someone who acts like a homophobe. Chris said no but he's been with guys who are closeted. He said it's very strange and sad. Howard asked if he has ever been with a guy who lies to his wife. Chris said he hates that. He said it makes him so sad for the woman because she probably has no idea. He said he hates that.
Robin wondered if this politician was like that. Howard said Chris blew two guys at once. Chris said he did and the reaction he got to that was like he had gone to a 25 man orgy. He said one of the guys was massive and the other guy was very small. He said the guy with the giant schlong had both of them working on him. He said it was so big that he didn't know how just one man could handle it.
Howard said he thinks Chris said he got a throat infection after that. Chris said that he did. He said that this guy had a spot on his balls and if you pressed it the tip of his cock would fill up with pre-cum. He said that was fun until he got his throat infection. He said he completely lost his voice after that.
Howard asked Chris if he has a list of guys he wants to get together with after COVID. Chris said he does. He said two of those guys just came down with COVID this past week. Howard said Chris is so gay that he came into work with a neck brace on because he had blown a guy so vigorously.
Chris said he has to thank Howard for signing for 5 more years because he would have had to leave the country this month if he hadn't. He said it's beyond his wildest dreams to be able to work for him. Howard said they're relying on him to keep up with the gay stuff on the show.
Howard played a clip of Chris trying to speak after he lost his voice from the throat infection.
Howard read about the guys Chris has lined up for after COVID. He said they're all hot and they're from all over the world. Chris said he wants to lose his voice entirely. Robin asked if he's going to go to Australia or is he coming there. Chris said he's not sure but he hasn't left his house in 9 months so he's ready to do something.
Howard said Chris hooked up with a guy in L.A. when they were out there. Chris said this guy shot ropes that were so beautiful. Howard said 2021 is going to be the year of the roaring blow job.
Robin asked if he has an age limit. Chris said if you're hot he doesn't care. Howard asked if the guy's ejaculation arc is so important. Chris said you never want to see a dripping load. He said you don't want to drink from the fountain that spurts water out.
Howard said he didn't want to get into a graphic description of his sex life but they did. He said he was trying to talk about this gay politician.
Howard said that Robin is their contestant on this game. He said she's not playing for anything. Howard said this person wished for Walmart gift cards, $200 cash and a woman. He asked if it was Medicated Pete, Gary the Conqueror or Mark the Bagger. Robin said she thinks it's Mark the Bagger. Howard said she's wrong. It was actually Gary. He played a clip of Gary talking to Sal about that list. Gary said he wanted the gift card and $200 and a woman. Robin said if Howard had said it the way Gary said it, maybe she would have gotten it. Howard said Gary got really cranky in his old age.
Howard said this Wack Packer wished for a trip to New York and a big TV set. Howard asked if it was Bobo, Wendy or Debbie the Cum Lady. Robin said she thinks that it's Wendy. Howard said she's wrong. He said it was actually Debbie. Howard played a clip of Debbie talking to Sal about what she wanted. She said it would be a huge cumfest for her. She said she knows about 45 guys she could have if she was there. Robin said she's terrible at this game. Howard said it's not easy.
Howard asked which Wack Packer wished for a fender Stratocaster guitar. He said this person could be Sour Shoes, Jeff the Drunk or Bobo. Robin said that it can't be Jeff the Drunk because he only has one arm. Howard said he does come up with some wacky stuff though. Robin said maybe he could sit it on his lap and use his good arm. Howard said he could strum with his penis. Robin said it must be Bobo. Howard said she got that one right. He played a clip of Bobo talking about that with Sal. Bobo said he wants to go back to his younger days when he jammed with his friends at the post office. Howard said he sees Bobo as more of a kazoo guy.
Howard said he has to hear Bobo play guitar. He had him on the phone and Bobo said that was back in the day. He said he has to re-teach himself. He said he just played rhythm. He said he doesn't have a guitar now. He said he still has an amp but not a guitar. Bobo said his wife got him an amp but he had to get rid of his guitar. He said he figured Howard was going to retire so he had to fill his time with something. He said that it's a fan's dream come true that he signed for 5 more years. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said he can't believe Robin got that one right.
Howard asked which Wack Packer wished for a gift of Nikki Glaser. Robin said she doesn't need choices for that. She said it's Mark the Bagger. Howard said it could be Lenny Dykstra. Robin said she knows that Mark fell in love with her on Hollyweird Squares. Howard said he really did. He said it's a good guess. Robin said she's wondering what Lenny thought about her. Howard said he was in love with her too. Howard said it could be ham Hands Bill too. Robin said any one of them could have asked for her. Robin said she's going to guess that it's Mark the Bagger. Howard said she was wrong. He said it's actually Ham Hands Bill. He played a clip of Bill talking about what he wants for Christmas. He said he wants to take her out to eat and kiss her breasts and back and tummy and then get her on all fours on his bed. He said he will toss her salad and then she can suck his dick and do 69 among other things. Robin said he had 50 steps into this rape and then he says ''if she wants...''
Howard said that man has the charm of a tarantula. He said Nikki has on her list a bucket to throw up in.
Howard asked which Wack Packer asked to be able to hang out with George Lucas. He asked if it's Marfan Mike, High Pitch Erik or Tan Mom. Robin said that it must be Marfan Mike. Howard had a clip and she was right. Mike said he would like to be able to hang out with George Lucas for Christmas. That was about all he said. Howard did his impression of Mike for a short time and said he thought he was asking for ''more Lucas'' and not George Lucas.
Howard asked which Wack Packer wished for a vacation to Aruba and a Michael Cors watch. He said it could be King of All Blacks, Tan Mom or High Pitch Erik. Robin said it must be High Pitch Erik. Howard said it's actually Tan Mom. He said he also asked for a tanning booth. Robin said if she knew that she would have gotten it. Howard said that gives it away. He play the clip of Tan Mom talking about all of that stuff. Howard said that was a lot.
Howard said he went to Aruba and the food was so bad that he went to get a hamburger at a Burger King and it took over an hour to get it. He said it must be better now though. He said that was like 40 years ago. Howard said he's going to take a break and get to some cleaning out the computer. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he loves this song too. He said that's when Keith went off to start his own band and he's the lead singer. He said that he doesn't have that same energy that Mick Jagger has though. He said it's a good song though. He said it's so great that they go out on their own and never make it without each other. He said Keith is really harsh on Mick and he's not sure how Mick takes it.
Howard said they're going to pull tapes of Olivia Jade whose parents are in jail for paying off the college to get their kids in. Howard said Olivia went on the show that Will Smith and his family do. He said that she went on there to apologize. He said the show is called Red Table Talk on Facebook. Robin said Jada has completely white hair now. Howard said she has to stop that. He said he could not tell who she was. He said he has to lose that hairdo.
Howard said he loves Will Smith's daughter. He said it doesn't matter who takes the picture but Willow or the brother in any picture is great. He said either of them he has to look at. He said they're his click bait.
Howard said Olivia Jade's parents are in jail because they wanted her to go to college and they paid off the college and now she's not even talking to them. Howard said he'd tell her to talk to them because they went to prison for her. Howard said how dare you.
Howard said he did exercise yesterday. He said he was on his Peloton and if he goes too hard on it he almost passes out. He said he has to do a chill kind of pedaling thing. Robin said he shouldn't be in a spin class.
Howard said he was talking to his son in law's father about this and he was telling him how to figure out what heart rate he should be working out at. He said it's a lot lower than he is. He said he's an older dude now and he has to be careful. He said he feels like he's going to pass out and his eyeball feels like it's going to fall out. He said he gets charged up from this Hannah Corbin who is one hot tomato. He said she gets you all worked up. He said she wears these yoga pants or whatever you call them and her jugs move when she pedals so you know she has real tits. He said that you just want to please her when you work out. He said she always talks about empowering women and you know only dudes are watching her. He said she has to know that.
Howard said Hannah should just come out and say that her husband fucks her plenty hard so don't think that you can fuck her. He said that she wears neon super tight pants and he's not sure what to call them. He said he has a bra top and her jugs move when she pedals. He said he likes that. He said please don't take this as a criticism. He said don't cover up.
Howard said that Hannah is telling you that she has a husband every time so guys won't come on to her. He said she knows that guys want to fuck her and she's just in love with her husband.
Howard said he tells Beth he's going to see his girlfriend on the bike. He said she even came in to see what she was wearing the other day. He said Beth thought it was a cute top. He said he's not sure how she does it but she pedals and dances. He said she says she knows they don't mind looking silly while they're on this bike. Howard said sometimes she'll tell you to say ''I'm terrific'' so he'll do that. He said it's weird when she dances on that bike and he likes it. He said she gets kind of embarrassed by it.
Howard said he wishes they'd let them tell the guys that they have no shot with her. He said you know she wants to tell them that they have no shot with her.
Howard said Benjy used to say that he thought he could get her when he would go to those classes. Howard said Benjy would say that Hannah would have like 4 bodyguards around her. He said Benjy would try to say hi and they'd keep him away from her.
Howard asked Benjy if he ever got close to her. Benjy said he did. He said they would have bodyguards come up after the class. He said that they'd tell you not to touch the instructors on an announcement. Howard asked if you can imagine what goes on around this girl. He said she's super hot. Benjy said she's perfect looking. He said it's almost like a robot.
Howard said you must think that she'd go out with you. Benjy said he never thought he could get her. It was another one. He said he thinks that he could get anyone if he put his mind to it. He said it was Jennifer Jacobs that he thought he could get.
Benjy said guys would show up and have flowers for them at the end of their class. He said they'd tell her that they loved her. Howard said no wonder she left. Benjy said if he got his life in order and got in perfect shape... Howard said he went to someone's rape fantasy and they told him to leave. Benjy said he wasn't at his best. Howard said the woman said she didn't want it. He said take a look in the mirror.
Howard said he knows these women would never want him. He said Hannah Corbin would never even give him a second of a look. Benjy asked if he thinks he put his mind to it. Howard said maybe when he was in his 40s. He said now no one wants him. He said no one at all would want him. He said even for a rape fantasy.
Benjy said sometimes they want more than one guy to come over. Benjy Puppet said that he brought his cookie wrapper.
Benjy said it's one thing on the video when they look at you. He said when it's in person it's another thing. Howard did his announcer voice and told the guys to stay away from the instructors at the class. He gave some rules like ''no masturbation during the class'' and things like that.
Robin said she's sure the instructors have loved COVID-19 because they don't need to have bodyguards and they can still work. Howard said the studio is totally empty and they don't have a Benjy there trying to steal their towel to take home with them.
Howard said those outfits are great. He said he love them. Benjy said he would position himself so he could see their behind and the front at the same time. Howard said it makes you think you can get into shape if you work out like they do. He said it's a whole lifestyle.
Benjy asked if it makes you want to be an instructor. Howard said no way. He said Beth thinks that she could teach a Hydrow class. He said she's way into that Hydrow thing.
Robin said Benjy thinks if he got his whole life together he could get women. Benjy said if he did that he could get a lot of women. Robin said that's everyone. She said that Benjy is who he is right now. She said he hasn't done any of that.
Howard asked Benjy what he would have to do to get his life together. He asked what he would have to do to get his career going. Benjy said he knows he's not living at his maximum potential. He said that's his own fault. Robin said no one is arguing with him. Howard said Benjy has been saying the same thing for the past 10 years.
Howard said that he should do clean out the computer. He said it's getting late. He said he heard that Jenn Sherman was on the Wrap Up Show with Jon and Gary. He said she commented on Benjy and seemed annoyed by him. He said he should play that. Howard played the clip and Jenn talked about how Benjy would get the bike right in front and he didn't listen to anything she'd say. She said he'd be doing whatever he wanted when she would be teaching the class. She said that's the Benjy Bronk way.
Howard said she's so right about that. He said it must be demoralizing to her when you don't follow her. Benjy said Hannah would announce if you didn't do it right. He said he would put all of his power into it when he heard a song he loved. Howard said that's not the class. He said why go there if you don't want to do it the way they do it. Benjy said he found it fun to be there. He said it was a fun experience for him.
Howard said he went to a painting class once in this guy's house. He said he was very excited about it. He said this woman put up a vase of sunflowers and taught them how to paint it. He said they set up and they start painting. He said every person around him was talking and painting whatever they wanted. He said he didn't know what he was doing there. He said he followed the rules and they weren't. He said people are nudges. He said they won't do what they're supposed to do. He said life would be so simple if they just did what they were supposed to.
Howard said Benjy is in this class like it's a strip club. He said it's an exercise class. He said Benjy liked the soap they had there. Benjy said the showers were so clean and they had nice smelling shampoos. Howard said he was there for everything but the instruction. Benjy said they gave out free fruit too. Howard said he doesn't need that.
Howard asked Benjy if he's still with the therapist who he found hot. Benjy said he was having trouble finding a therapist. He said this woman was very pretty and she'd be fun to look at. He said he's actually going to see her today. Robin asked if he can get anything out of that. Benjy said it feels nice but nice like he's on a date and someone is talking to him.
Benjy said he has felt that transference thing. He said that he doesn't want her to look him up so he hasn't told her what he does for a living.
Howard said that a recent date Benjy went on thought he was homeless based on what he was wearing. Benjy said he kind of keeps himself kind of anonymous when he goes on dates. Howard said that might be the ace in the hole if he told them what he does. Benjy said he's afraid they're going to Google him before going on the date. Howard said he's been on the show for 20 years so it might help. Benjy said it's very embarrassing. Howard said he thinks he's doing his Clark Kent thing where he wants to be a man of mystery. He said that the women don't stick around long enough to find out he's Superman.
Benjy said it's very embarrassing when someone recognizes you and then rejects you. Howard said just get it out there. Benjy said it's easier to get rejected when you're not recognized. Robin said he should talk to his therapist about this today. Howard said he should play the card right off the bat. He said that it might help. Benjy said he has had people recognize him on the street while he's on a date. Howard said he could plant someone out on the street.
Gary said Benjy said that he's not really into the rape fantasy thing. Benjy said it's a hot sexual fantasy thing. Gary asked what other weird situations came his way other than the rape ones. Benjy said he'd have to think about it. He said if a woman wanted him to fuck her foot or something he would tell her that he loves fucking feet even if he's not into it.
Howard said Benjy once haggled a girl down to $5 for a blow job. Benjy said he met this girl and he went to her apartment and it was a sad apartment. He said she was unattractive too. He said that she was overweight and just sad looking. He said he thinks he got her down to $3 for a hand job. Benjy said she went for it. Howard said just give her a few more bucks. Benjy said it wasn't him praying on her. He said he had a 5 and he asked for change.
Hard said he took a really sad situation and made it even sadder. Benjy said it was a good hand job for 3 bucks. He said he doesn't remember how long it took. Howard asked where he finished. Benjy said probably on her sheets. He said she probably had to spend more than $3 to get them cleaned.
Howard said Benjy has masturbated in a lot of public places. He jerked off in a plane bathroom and things like that. Howard said it's kind of gross to be doing that. He asked if he thinks about that. Benjy said it's so interesting that Howard has a way of looking at that because people shit in there too. Howard asked if he even thought about it before doing it. Benjy said that he was just passing time. He said you get bored.
Robin said Benjy is a horrible human being. She said she's thinking about that girl he haggled down. He said that's just horrible. She said she's going to leave it at that.
Howard said Benjy is a good guy. Benjy said now he would pay her the full price. He said that happened 20 years ago and he was living in a mini storage unit. Howard said Benjy is like a little kid. He said that's enough of this.
Gary said Benjy used to have this character named Kip that he'd use to tell these stories. He said that he must not care anymore. Robin said he tells you this stuff without any shame.
Howard asked if Gary is drained from Benjy too. Gary said he was pretty good answering the questions but he still sucked the energy out of him. Howard had Benjy Puppet tell some of those Kip stories.
Howard said he'll clean out the computer another time. He said he'll take a few calls instead.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he started listening to him at 16 and now he's 52 so how many years has he been listening. Howard said he knows the way he does math so he wants him to go through that. Howard did his long math and tried to figure it out. He went by 10s. He went through it and had to start over trying to get it right. He came up with 37. The caller said he thinks it's 36. Howard started over to get the right number. He came up with 36 this time.
Robin tried to help Howard with the math thing and said that you can just subtract 16 from 52 instead of going through the 10s the way he did it. Howard said just go his way. He said it's really not that easy. He said Jason has been listening for 36 years.
Jason said he likes Ronald better than Ronnie. Howard said next week Ronnie will give them a review of a dildo he put in his ass. Robin said that Ronnie is still going to be around so he won't be missable. Howard said Ronnie wants to be part of the show still. He said that he thinks that he'll be able to Zoom into the show. He said they'll have to see how that works out.
Howard said he used to have a limo driver but he became a personality. He said he's not sure if he wants him on the show if he's not doing anything. He said he's not sure what they'd pay him. He said he's funny because he's always around him and he knows what he's up to. He said if he moves to Vegas he won't know what he's up to.
Howard hung up on Jason and went to Ronnie and said he's not sure what he'll be able to do with him on the show. He said he won't be around him so he won't know what he's up to. Ronnie asked why he's sticking stuff up his ass then. Howard said he's right. He said he has a protective bone in his body for Ronnie. Ronnie said he thought that he was going to still be part of the show if he moves. Howard said he's not sure what to pay him for that.
Howard said Ronnie's 2020 has been really bad. He said he has a bad back now. Ronnie said it's getting better. He said he thought he might have a kidney stone but it's fine now. He said this happens to him once in a while. He said his back goes out on him. He said sometimes it's worse than others. He said he kept working out when it hurt and it got bad. He said the past week it's gotten better. He said he's still able to have sex. He said if he lays on his back and lets Stephanie do the work it's fine.
Howard asked what kind of money he wants to do the show from Vegas. He said he used to pay him to drive and be security. Ronnie said he talks to other people about that. He said he'll be around until June at least. Howard said he won't worry about it then.
Howard asked what you pay a guy to stick shit in his ass. He said he became valuable because he was part of his life every day. He said he'll be off in Vegas but he's not sure what else he can do with him. Ronnie said he's there every day if he needs him. Howard said he knows that. Ronnie kept saying he's here. Howard said he's there until at least June. He let Ronnie go after that. Howard said he could use some help with his math if anyone is good at that.
Howard took a call from Michael Rapaport who congratulated him on his new contract. He said everyone is happy for him. Howard said everyone but Gary. Michael asked where he puts that in Gary's list of fuck ups. Howard said that it was like a punch to him when he did that yesterday. Michael said Gary just punched that mongoloid baby. Howard said it brought him right back to that moment in the hospital. Michael said the thing about Gary is that he's been told how he needs to treat him and Gary doesn't listen to anyone.
Robin said she has been thinking about past things. She said this might be the worst thing. Howard said the pitch wasn't such a bad thing. Robin said falling asleep on the air was another. Howard said that was pretty bad. Michael said time will tell. Howard said how about when he double booked guests. He said he had two big guests booked. He said how about when he thought Madonna's sister was coming in and she didn't. Howard said he booked a guest who had Whooping cough. Robin said she forgot about that. Howard asked who that was. Gary said it was Carol Miller. He said she didn't have it, she was recuperating from it.
Michael asked Gary where he would put this on his list. Gary said he's an opportunistic asshole. He said he's slightly better than a Wack Packer who is a whore for air time. Michael started going off on him and yelling. Howard said this is the end of the show so lets not end on a negative note. Gary said Michael started it. Michael said Gary started it. Gary said he's like Trump and just says shit.
Howard said Sal claims he has a list of Gary's fuck ups. He said they'll get to that real quick. Sal got on and said he has so much. He went down the list of things they had already talked about. Gary said Howard just said those things 5 seconds ago. He asked what else he has. Sal went over other things that Gary has done over the years. Howard said the clearing of the throat is a big thing. Michael said that he also talks over callers. Sal said Gary has been seen playing Solitaire at work. Gary said that was a rumor stared by someone who doesn't work there anymore. Sal went over more stuff like Gary typing with one finger at a time. Gary said that's not a fuck up. Michael said they're doing a radio show here.
Sal said Gary stayed home to protect his trampoline during a hurricane. Howard said Gary said he had to get home so it wouldn't fly away. Howard said how about Gary jerking off at work... oops, that was Sal. Gary went over things that Sal has fucked up over the years too. Howard was cracking up about that.
Sal brought up the time Howard upgraded Gary to First Class and he fell asleep when Howard was talking to him. Howard said that might be his biggest fuck up. He went over that story again and talked about Gary falling asleep and then waking up and asking for orange juice and then falling back asleep.
Gary mentioned more creepy things that Sal has done. Sal went over more of his list and then Gary would bring up things that Sal has done. He mentioned the time Sal asked them to cut something out of the show about him having some middle eastern in him in a DNA test. Gary said Sal asked them to take that out of the show but he eventually came around. Sal said he never said that. Gary said that Sal tried to get Howard to stop talking about the middle eastern thing. Sal said that was theater of the mind.
Howard said Michael has stared a war between Sal and Gary. Michael said he took the fun away from the fans yesterday.
Howard tried to wrap up with everyone but Gary and Michael were still going off on each other. Howard asked what Michael is up to. Michael said that he's going to be working on Atypical in the next couple of weeks. He said that's what he hopes anyway.
Gary and Sal threw out more fuck ups that they've done. Howard said Gary once sent Beth the audio from the show and she played it for a North Shore Animal League meeting and it started out with ''I'll Suck Your Ween.''
Michael went off on Gary again and Gary called him a ginger fuck. He threw out more of Sal's fuck ups. Sal threw out some Gary screw ups too.
Howard said today should be a day of peace. Michael said they'll have to see if Howard can enjoy the holidays. He said he might have to deal with it next year. Gary said they'll have to see if Howard keeps taking his calls when his career starts to wane. Michael went off on him.
Howard asked Gary how the fantasy football thing is going for Michael. Gary said it could not have gone better. He said Michael is out and he's in 7th place. He said that Michael said it was rigged and wanted a recount so he can be in the playoffs.
Howard said that everyone is fighting. He said Sal and Gary are fighting and Michael and Gary are fighting. Howard said Sal has some list of Gary's fuck ups. Gary threw out more things that Sal has done over the years. Gary mentioned something about him going through the releases at K-Rock to get a phone number for one of the guys in KISS.
Sal said Gary once sent flower to his assistant and signed it ''Gary'' instead of ''Howard.''
Gary came up with more of the fuck ups that Sal has had over the years. Sal would throw one out and Gary would come up with two of Sal's fuck ups.
Howard said he's not sure how he doesn't remember these things. Howard asked Gary if he really signed his own name on the card for his assistant. Gary said he never told the to do that. He said he told them to say they were from Howard and someone fucked up. Sal said they should both be fired.
Howard said it looked like Gary was the biggest fuck up but now the tide is turning toward Sal. He said this is the season of giving each other shit. He thanked Gary and Sal for that. Gary asked if they remember the time his wife had an emotional friend. He said oops, that was Sal. Sal asked if he remembers when his wife fucked a monkey, oops, that was Gary.
Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:40am.