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Howard said Robin gave away the ending to something while he was on the phone with her this weekend. He said he told her he can't call her anymore. He said she looks good in this color she has on today. Robin said she'll take that. Howard said the scarf is working for her. He said she's shot out of a cannon today.
Howard said he's cranky today so the show is going to be horrible. He said you can tune out now. He said he's very cranky and negative today.
Howard said he talked to Rob Zombie and he was hired to draw the psychedelic desert scene in the Beavis and Butt-Head movie. He said that they were talking about paintings and Rob is a very good painter. He said he paints 8 foot high paintings that look like graffiti or something. He said it's done on a big scale. He said he was asking him about that and his pets. He said he has cats and dogs. Robin said she likes that he has cats and features them. Howard said he asked Rob why he wasn't a painter. He said that was his plan but he got into two schools in Manhattan. He said he told him he got into this one school and it was an art school. He said he felt he wasn't learning anything so he left.
Howard said Rob said that he was such a loser that he dropped out of art school and became a bike messenger. He said he was so bad at that because he had no sense of direction. He said he wasn't able to get them delivered because of that. He said he sat on his bed and thought about how this was it, he's a loser. He said he started White Zombie as a side project and didn't see himself in that role. He said it became very successful after that.
Howard said it was great to touch base with Rob. He said he asked what he does with these paintings. He said he does nothing. He said he doesn't want to be judged. He said he does it for himself. He said he feels the same way. He said Rob says that he's not evaluated when he does his paintings. He said that's the way he feels too. Robin said you can do it without other people knowing. She said that anything else people see you. She said that everything you do outside gets scrutinized.
Howard said he told Rob that he's a regular Vincent Van Zombie. He said now he's changing his name to that. He said one of his cat's names was Frankenstein. He said it was a Persian like his cat Yoda. He said the cat was a rescue and it needed surgery so it had a big scar so that's why they named it Frankenstein.
Howard asked Robin if she can imagine Rob riding around on a bicycle with that big beard and that look. Robin said some of them do look a little weird.
Howard said he asked Rob if he wanted to come on the show and do some deliveries for them. He said he thinks about Rob every morning when they play that opening song. He said he wishes he had another shot at recording that song with him. He said Rob kept asking if he could just sing. He said he's not sure what was wrong with him.
Howard said he sent Rob a recording of Beth and himself singing. He said he asked him how that was. He said he sent it to Eddie Vedder too. He said Beth is going to kill him for playing this. He said that Beth has a friend named Betty and her daughter Lula. He said Beth is such a bad singer that she thinks Robin is a good singer. He said they were recording a message as a joke and he thought it was really funny. He said they're like John and Yoko but they're both Yoko. He said he sent it to Eddie and Rob. He said he sent it to Jimmy too and he said he thought Sonny and Cher broke up when Sonny died.
Howard played the song where he and Beth sang ''Santa Claus is Coming to Town.'' Robin said that's not so bad. Howard said Rob wrote him back and said they have careers as bike messengers.
Howard had JD explain what this thing is. JD said here are people who have expensive baseball cards and the owners are putting this pool together. Howard cut him off and said there are a hundred questions they could ask but hold off until he's done explaining.
JD got back to it and explained how people sign up for slots to go into this pack opening. He said you pay $89 for a slot into this pack opening and you get assigned a team at random. He said he got the Houston Astros. He said they open up the packs of cards and they will send him any Houston Astros cards. He said that's basically it. Howard asked if Robin gets it. Robin said not at all.
Robin asked who puts the cards in a pack. Howard said he went through this. He said this is what he knows. He said he thinks JD was on a computer and saw some guy opening packs of football cards. He said JD collects baseball cards and he doesn't even understand that.
Robin asked what makes these cards expensive. JD said some are signed and some come with pieces of equipment. Howard said he asked JD why not just buy cards for $89 instead of doing it like this. He said JD got one card that was worth like $8 for that $89. He said it's like gambling.
Robin asked how the cards have value. JD said there are people who collect them and they are superfans of these people on the cards so they will pay money for them.
Howard said JD lost money on the football games over the weekend too. JD said his teams suck. Robin said she saw that one player wasn't able to play because of COVID. JD said he hasn't had that yet but all of his fantasy football players are injured. Howard asked how much he has lost with this and the baseball cards. JD said $200 is out the window based on fantasy football alone. He said that he had to sign up for an app to gamble in Jersey. He said that they gave him free money in the app so he put the money on that. He said he hit that miraculously and won $120. He said he's still down but he's not too bad. JD said that he's down by $160.
Gary said that JD is still down because he paid $200 for the fantasy football league. Howard asked JD if this is the best thing to be spending money on at this point. JD said he's not spending that much. Howard said Gambling is legal in Jersey so he must have moved there because of that. JD said that's not why. He said it's just icing on the cake. He said he's not going crazy. Robin asked where the baseball card is. JD said he doesn't have it yet.
Howard said JD wrote a tweet about how awful it is to watch football. He read that to Robin. JD said that he's not betting that much. He said they're small bets. He said he has won some.
Howard said why not just save. He said that his father drilled it into his head that he should save. He said that he should take that extra money and put it into a financial investment. He said Warren Buffet did that to save money. He said if you have that extra bit of income then save it. He said his father would buy Disney stock for the extra $25 he had a week. He said that's how he was able to retire in his 50s. He said over the years he was able to do that. He said this gambling and baseball cards doesn't make sense.
Howard said JD is drinking and smoking weed now. JD said he doesn't smoke that much. Howard said he was reading about Mike Tyson smoking weed before the fight he had over the weekend. He said he read he spends $40,000 a month on weed. He said he says he needs it. He said JD obviously isn't working out. JD said he's barely moving so yeah. He said he's probably back up to 210 pounds. He said he's not even sure where the scale is.
Howard said JD was doing 100 push ups a day and 100 sit ups. JD said he hasn't don that for a few weeks. He said he'll get back to it. Robin asked if he can think of a hobby that he might enjoy. JD said he doesn't get much enjoyment out of anything.
Howard said he sees why people cheat because they don't want to lose. He said he couldn't take it so he stopped. He said he knew the guy who ran this league and he'd call him on Sunday and tell him that there was a guy cheating on there. He said that's when he knew he had to leave.
Howard said he'd play someone in Yugoslavia and he'd be winning. He said there would be 25 minutes left in the game and then they make you sit there for 25 minutes to get the win when they walk away from their computer. He said he'd sit there and wait for it. He said that's how bad he wanted it. Howard said people ruin everything.
Howard said he got so angry playing. He said he'd worry about people cheating and playing. He said he'd report those people. He said he was like a police officer. He wanted to win and corruption drives him crazy. He said imagine he's playing a guy and he's winning. He said they won't resign and they make you wait 20 minutes to 45 minutes to win your game. He said he'd just sit there.
Howard said he'd call the guy who ran the chess web site and complain. He said this poor guy is running a site to make money and he won't get paid if he kicks people off. He said he had big hall monitor energy and had to call people out for cheating.
Howard said that we have huge spikes in COVID and people are traveling for Thanksgiving. He said he understands going to work and things like that but not traveling for Thanksgiving. He said just eat by yourself you fuck. Robin said she did that. Howard said he knows that. He said if she had broken the rules she would have been in trouble.
Robin said she was zooming with people yesterday and one of them said they were coming to New York and someone else said they had to get together and have a glass of wine. She said she was like ''What?'' Howard said just sit at home and watch people open baseball packs like JD.
Howard said England had a lock down and brought down their cases by 30 percent. He said they don't have to go out for Thanksgiving. Robin said they don't have thanksgiving. She said they'll see how they do at Christmas.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to defend JD. He said he has a friend who has a sports card collecting business and he's able to pick these packs of cards. Robin said JD got one worth $8. She asked how much it's going to appreciate. The caller said that's the risk. Howard said JD needs to stop with the pipe dreams and put it into something that can build a nest egg. He said no one listens to him.
The caller said there are cards worth thousands of dollars. Howard said like a lottery ticket he's not hitting it. Howard said you can take all of your money and put it into lottery tickets but no one is winning. He said someone does but it's not you.
Robin said a lot of people believe in the lottery and not masks. She said they'll buy into that but not masks.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was at this thing called the Valerie Fund in Giants stadium raising money for cancer research. He said this team showed up late and they were playing around and wasting time. He said they were supposed to keep score of their own laps and they cheated at a cancer fund raiser. He said all they get out of that is congratulations.
Howard said this is why he gave up on playing chess. He said when he paints he doesn't have to deal with anyone. He said the other thing that drives him crazy is people who cheat at golf. He asked what the point of that is. He said he hears that Trump cheats all the time because he has this compulsion to win. He asked what that is. He said he heard that he likes to get a super speedy golf cart so he can race up to the hole and place his ball before the other guys get there.
Gary said there was a book about how he cheats at golf and there was a story that he was playing with a guy who hit the shot of the lifetime just feet from the hole and Trump's Caddy said he threw the ball in the sand trap. Howard said Trump would say that's fake news. Howard said the book is called ''Commander in Cheat.''
Howard asked Robin if she saw the ending of The Undoing last night. Robin said she did not watch it yet. Howard said it was really good. He said he knew the ending and told Beth what was coming. He said that he was watching that up late last night.
Robin asked if they have seen ''The Lucky Man'' yet. Howard said he hasn't. Robin said that's what she was watching over the weekend. She said the British version is really good and 3 seasons long.
Howard said he was watching The Crown on Netflix. He said he didn't think it would be that good. He said he's up to season 2. He said that he and his wife want to just go and watch it now. He said it's so good and compelling. He said the acting is great. He said it's really good. He said Gary is into it. Gary said it's phenomenal. He said in season 4 they get into Charles and Diana. He said that it's brutal how Charles treats her and Charles had to turn off his twitter feed because of how they were portrayed in it. Gary said they were going to end it after this season but they will do another because of what's happening with Harry and Meghan.
Howard read some of the feedback he got about that show ending. Howard read some positive stuff at first. He said some people were negative. Howard said people were upset about the ending. He said people didn't like it. He read through some of that and people were upset with him doing that. Some people said it was a dick move.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn was upset about the way they cut her off so she left them this message. Howard played a voicemail from her about that ending. She said she has faith that he will be back like The Terminator. She said he would never leave us during this crisis of COVID.
Howard read more feedback about the show ending. Someone said it was brilliant but they have to check on Mariann to make sure she's okay after getting cut off.
Howard said he's ready to make this announcement now so he needs some music. Fred played the Journey song again and Howard went over the whole thing again and said that he and his wife spoke about this and he's getting more and more miserable every day. He said he's going to... they went to silence again and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked up the song as a WNBC DJ. He said that place was such a horrible place to work. He said they had tissue boxes to give away and they were never able to do that. He said they followed Johnny Dark and grey did 3-7 and played 12 songs an hour there. He said they were awful songs. He said if he could have played a song like this it would have been great. He said they weren't even able to play The Beatles.
Gary said some if the hits were Barbara Streisand songs and things like that. Howard said he can't imagine a worse station. Fred played ''Somebody's Watching Me'' and Howard said he talked about how awful that song was and he got a lashing over that.
Howard said he got reamed for talking about how he didn't say ''WNBC'' correctly. Fred played some ''99 Luftballons'' and some Hitler clips over that. Howard talked it up as a DJ there at WNBC.
Howard said that some guys would sing along the call letters. Howard said he didn't know at the time that Gary was the guy who imported ''99 Luftballons'' to Record World.
Howard talked about how charged up Imus would get over saying the call letters the right way. Gary said they had to play ''Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go'' at WNBC. Fred played a Wham song for Howard to talk up. He talked up ''Jitterbug'' like he was at WNBC.
Howard said he would get called into Pig Virus' office and he'd tell him what not to ask Wham about. He said he'd tell him not to ask if they were gay and they'd come in and he'd ask if they were gay.
Howard read about what the line up was at WNBC when they were there. He said that Captain Frank was on before them, not Johnny Dark. Gary said they had an all request show before their show. Robin asked when Johnny Dark was on. Howard read the lineup list and Johnny Dark was on at 12am. He said that was when they got there. He said that was 1984. Robin said she doesn't remember him being on at night.
Howard did another talk up as Beebe. He fucked that one up but said you get the idea. Fred played ''Break My Stride'' to talk up. Howard said the other song was ''Sunglasses at Night'' by Corey Hart. Fred played that one and Howard talked it up.
Howard asked Jon what was up. Jon went over the list of the lineup when he got there at WNBC. They did have Johnny Dark on before them. Howard said he liked some of those guys there. Robin said she didn't like the management. She didn't like Imus either. Howard said Beebe was a good dude. He said it was kind of nice knowing everyone there. He said they would walk in with jackets and ties and had these professional sounding voices.
Howard said he was going to change his name to general Howard Stern so he'd be the highest ranking DJ there. He said that way he'd be above Captain Frank. He said that he'd have to salute him instead of the other way around.
Howard said he doesn't think that Captain Frank even stayed in radio. He said he got out and didn't want to be captain anymore. Fred played ''Rock Me Amadeus'' which was another song that they played a lot there at WNBC.
Howard asked where Jon went. He asked what else he had. Jon went through some of the other DJs who were there. Howard said that this guy Bumper was a nice guy. He said some people blew in and out of there. He said they all had their own expertise. He said some guys were just good at the weather. He said they'd perfect that and talk about the 50 degree dew point. He said that they'd give you shit you didn't even want.
Fred played ''Puttin' on the Ritz'' for Howard. Howard talked about how it was Imus, Soupy and then him at one point there. He said that Soupy would always leave before he got in there. He said he loved Soupy so he still wants to apologize for that. He said he was a very angry young man.
Howard asked about Wolfman being on after them. Gary said he did overnights. He said Jack Spector followed them. Howard said that was later. Jon said it was Imus, Soupy, Howard and then Captain Frank and then Wolfman Jack.
Gary said that all of the Wolfman Jack stuff was pre-recorded and they used those tapes to make him have conversations. Howard talked about how that worked. He said that was the whole show on tape. He said it was the most schizophrenic time in his career. Howard said the station sucked.
Gary said that Beebe would come in at 11 in the morning to get ready for his show at 7pm. He said they used to think he just wanted to get away from his family.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the manager guy from WNBC was Pig Vomit or Pig Virus. Howard said for the movie they changed it to Pig Vomit. He said his name was Pig Virus for real. He said he was at summer camp and this kid was fucking annoying and they called him pig virus. He said when he met Kevin he was so mean to him that he named him after that kid. He said when he wrote Private Parts he changed everyone's name. He said one of the publishers asked him to do that so no one could sue him. He said he changed it to Pig Vomit in the book. He said when they made the movie they called him Pig Vomit. He said it was so weird. Howard said the guy's name was Pig Virus.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he fell for his announcement again. He said he should just keep doing that. Howard said trust him, he will. He said he'll keep doing this. He did it again. Ralph said it proves that it's the best ending ever. Howard said no it doesn't.
Howard said he had an interesting conversation with Ralph over the weekend. He said he'd been locked up in his house for 9 months now. He said that he's so happy about that. Ralph said that's because he has a great house. Howard said it wouldn't matter. He said when Coronavirus hit he went into quarantine on March 12th. He said all of this clothes are in the city. He said Ralph doesn't like the way he's tying his scarf and things like that. Howard said Ralph is going to get on Zoom and do a wardrobe thing with him. He said he's going to change in front of him. He said he may even record it for the show. Howard said Ralph gets really serious about this stuff.
Robin said in a pandemic fashion is irrelevant according to one of her friends. Ralph said that's not true. He said he has done nothing but wear sweat pants for 9 months.
Howard said he was going to dress for work every day. He said he's starting to crack on that front. He said he'll assign some time for Ralph and clear out his closet to create room for stuff from the city. He said Ralph will figure it out. He said he's not coming into his house. Ralph said he hasn't been in the city for a year. Robin said that's not true. Ralph said he did have Toni cut his hair. He said she lives on the water though.
Howard said he was going to have Toni cut his hair again but COVID is going crazy. Ralph said his neighbors were having a party and he was so angry with them. He said he wanted to go over and kill them. He said he's not sure what's wrong with them. Howard said they think it's nothing. He said over 2000 people a day are dying from it. He said he heard all of this stuff from Ralph over the weekend so he's done.
Howard said Gary messed with the Wack Pack and called them to find out what their reactions were to his retirement. Howard played a clip of Gary talking to King of All Blacks who wanted a job there if Howard is leaving. Gary was telling them that he's retiring so they could get reactions.
Howard said it's nice to know that his body won't be cold before King tries to get his job. Howard said Gary told King that it was a prank and he was still pushing for a show.
Howard said they called Medicated Pete to find out what he thought and it's hard to figure out what he's thinking. He said that he's not sure what Pete is thinking. He played the clip and Pete was saying that he thought Howard still had more in him. Gary asked if he'll sleep later now. Pete said that's a good question. He said he'll have to see what happens. Pete said he thought he was going to do this. Gary asked if he had a thought one way or another. Pete said that's a good question. He didn't know what he was going to do.
Howard said they weren't even good questions but Pete thought they were. Howard asked who makes less sense, Pete or JD. Robin said that's a good question. Howard said he was kind of upset that Pete wasn't that upset that he was leaving. He said he's the only one who has ever paid attention to him.
Howard said Pete had trouble hanging up the phone. He said he has to be the last one to hang up. Howard played a clip of Pete and Gary saying goodbye over and over again. Gary knew it so he kept telling him to say goodbye but Pete wasn't able to do it. Gary kept going back and forth with him for a couple of minutes. Howard said Pete has more trouble moving on than Trump.
Robin said they had Shuli break the news to Underdog. Robin asked if she was excited. Howard said she might be. Howard played the clip and Underdog was talking about how in 1992 that his show would be canceled. She said that she thought people would stop bugging her about him but they have continued to bother her. She said she hopes that in God's view that he has compensated for his many sins of foul language and mockery when he was corrupt. She said she'll never be at ease until they stop calling her Underdog Lady. She said Howard invented that expression.
Howard said she doesn't understand that if he retires that Mr. Shuli won't be calling her anymore. He said that she won't be happy until he's in the ground.
Howard said they called High Register Sean and he believes that he's outlived his usefulness to the Illuminati. Howard played the clip of Gary talking to Sean about that. Seany said he thought Howard was going to keep moving forward but that's crazy. Gary asked if he had any conspiracy theory on that. Sean said he thinks Howard will move out of the country quietly. He said that he thinks he's retiring because of his usefulness to the Illuminati. Gary broke the news that it was a scam and Howard hasn't made a decision at all.
Howard said all of this talk about him retiring or not has led to a bit. He said he could call future Howard or Retired Howard. Robin said they can see how retirement is for him.
Howard said he'll pick up and see how this goes. He said he might be out of this in 3 seconds. Howard went to the phone and talked to Future Howard. Future Howard asked Howard what he was thinking. Howard said he must be relaxing and kicking up his heels. Future Howard said that he's still stuck in his house and doing nothing. Howard asked why Future Howard is so angry. Future Howard said it's been six months since he retired and he's watched TV and masturbated so much that his penis is numb. He feels nothing down there. Future Howard said he's going to shove it in the trash compactor. He said the nerves in his dick are deader than Eddie Van Halen.
Howard asked Future Howard if he's having more sex with Beth. Future Howard said that he has to be kidding. He said she's disgusted by him. Howard said this retirement sounds like it's not the way he pictured it. Future Howard said he may start a podcast called ''I Fucked Everything Up.''
Howard said this could go on all day. He said he has to sum this up. Future Howard said ''Fuck you.'' Howard said he can't believe he's miserable when he retires. Howard said he has Future Howard who doesn't retire on the phone. He took that call and that Future Howard said that he has a message for him. He said eat my ass you dumb idiot. He said that he's doing JDini for the millionth time. He said he's thrilled to be doing that. Howard said what they're telling him is that he's miserable either way. Future Howard who didn't retire said he's trapped for signing another contract.
Howard said now he has Future Howard who only works 2 days a week on the line. Howard talked to that Future Howard who sounded happy. He said nothing is ever perfect and there's still Benjy so he wants to jump in front of a bus. Robin said nothing sounds good now. Howard thanked all Future Howards for calling in. They were all talking about how they hate each other and cursing each other out. Howard said that's what it sounds like in his head.
Robin said good luck making a decision with that going on. Howard said he just spoke to 3 Future Howards in that bit. He said how about those production values. He said now he's going to call Past Howard and warn him not to do that bit.
Howard said it was pretty great when he had all of the Future Howards talking to each other. Robin said that was her favorite part.
Howard read more feedback about the Elton John interview. He said he read his book and he summed it up saying that he's had so many ''almost'' in his life. He said that he wonders ''what if'' if he hadn't done certain things in his life.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if he could walk him through the time he put into the research he did for that interview. Howard asked Bobo what that first phrase is that he says when he picks up. Bobo repeated his question but Howard said he has a sign on that he says every time. Bobo didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said he says ''Hey there Howard.'' Bobo said it is Hey there Howard. Howard said it's ''How you doin' Howard?'' He said it seems like it's the same thing every time. Bobo said he mixes it up. Fred did his Bobo puppet thing and had him talking about that stuff.
Howard said he did spend weeks on the Elton John interview prep. He said he read his book and listened to his music collection. He said that he did think about what to ask him about. He said that he wrote down all of the incidents from the book and things like that. Bobo asked if he refers to his notes. Howard said he doesn't. He said that he just has it all in his head. He said he even went gay for 3 months for that. He said he fucked Ralph in the ass for about an hour. He said it made him more in touch. He said he took 4 months of piano lessons too.
Howard said Elton John is one of his favorite people. He said that he's shocked that he retained all of that information. Robin said Howard prepares unlike Bobo. Bobo said that interview went on a long time. Howard said he could have spent another 17 hours with him and not gotten to everything in his catalog.
Bobo said he doesn't believe that Stevie Wonder is totally blind if he took out a snowmobile. Howard said stop it. He said he's blind.
Howard said that they called and asked them to pray for Richard's ''Ethel'' character. He said that Richard thinks he does a great woman's voice but he does nothing to change it. He said this is Ethel hoping that they can cure her constipation. He played the call where Richard calls in as Ethel who asked for a prayer for her constipation. Ethel kept asking for prayers and as they prayed Ethel was farting and saying it was working so keep going. She asked if they can hear their prayers working. They could hear it. Sal got on as her husband Fred and said she blew her whole god damn ass out with that.
The show hung up on Sal and Richard but they called back and got in some more farts before they were hung up on again. Howard said that was unbelievable.
Howard took a call from a guy calling himself King Of All Whites. The guy said that's right. Howard said he thought that was David Duke. Robin said she's not sure that's what he calls himself. Howard asked King what he has to say. King said he has to stop taking calls from Ralph. He said grey all know that he sucks cock. Howard said how about the time he got into the war with Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said there has to be times that he has liked Ralph. King said that he never has. He said he's a fucking jerk off so fuck him. Howard said that there must have been times when he liked him. The caller said that he's a jerk off and they have to get rid of him. He said he could tell him how to dress better. Howard asked if he can send him pictures on how to tie a scarf. King said he can do that. Howard said he has a new fashion consultant then.
Howard said he's going to stick with Ralph. He said that Ronnie thing was good so he's sticking with him.
Howard took a call from a guy claiming that he is the real King of all Whites. The guys called in with Hitler speech clips. Howard went with that for a few seconds.
Howard said he's reading a book right now. He said he thinks he read about it on a New York Times book list. He said it's called ''Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life'' by Christie Tate, and it's about a woman who went into group therapy. He said she was having a lot of issues and this was her story about going into this group. Robin asked if Howard is going to go into group therapy now. Howard said no.
Howard said the book is really entertaining and it's well written. He said he prefers picture but this book is full of words. He said that he's not going to be honest if he's in a group. He said that you have to be to get through it. Howard said he's never going to be honest so he'd never get better. He said in individual therapy he's getting better. Robin asked when he's going to be better. Howard said considering his age he may never get better. Robin asked if his therapist is thinking of retiring. Howard said he hopes not. He said he just got a note from him saying he'll be cured by the time he's 136 years old.
Howard said people are complaining about the tree in Rockefeller Center. He said you can't go hang out by the tree anymore like you used to be able to. He said they will have a limited thing where you can take a picture. He said imagine risking your life to go take a picture by a fucking tree.
Howard said the tree looked like hell when it arrived. He said they have to move the tree and wrap it and once it's unwrapped it looks fine. Robin said there was an owl stuck in it. Howard said he knows that and he's sad for the owl and for the tree. He said he's so happy to just sit at home and not deal with any of that. He said on New Year's Eve he'll be asleep by 9.
Robin asked if he's doing all of his holiday shopping online. Howard said he is. He asked Robin not to get him anything. Robin said she already has.
Howard said Beth is in charge of opening the mail. He said he doesn't want to get COVID so Beth opens it all. He said that she tells him if she gets it then he'll probably get it.
Howard said President Elect Biden has said he's going to get a cat for the White House. He said he wants him to adopt one of their cats. He said Beth does all of this animal rescue and they'd love that. Robin said that Biden injured his foot playing with a dog. She said please don't play with dogs. She said we need him to be healthy.
Howard said they have so many cats in their house it feels like he's in a movie. He said the other day their neighbor texted and said there's a hawk having lunch outside. He said Beth came in and told him to go out and video it eating its lunch. Howard said he had just washed his hair so he didn't want to go outside with a wet head. He said Beth told him to go out anyway because that's an old wive's tale.
Howard said he got dressed and went out in this freezing weather. He said he went out and saw this hawk eating something. He said he zoomed in and starts making a video. He said the hawk is eating something and there's snow around it. It turns out it was the hair from a bunny. He said he's videoing this. He said this snow is bunny hair and he keeps going with it. He said Beth told him to video it.
Howard said he walked closer and the hawk sees him. He said this hawk freaks and doesn't want to give up the rabbit so he covers up the whole thing with its wings. He said he's out there trying to get video and this hawk can't fly away with the heavy rabbit. He said now he feels like Steve Irwin out there. He said he thinks this hawk is going to attack him. He said now the hawk is moving and bunny hair is flying around like snow. He said he's getting into it and can't stop taking video.
Robin asked what's wrong with him. Howard said Beth isn't going to watch this video. He said that she loves rabbits. He said that it was probably still alive. He said he finishes videoing and thinks about how she's not going to watch it. He said Beth asked to see it but he told her he had to delete it. He said he told her that it's not eating what she thinks it is. He said he made a snuff film. He said that he had a big ass rabbit. He said Beth told him to delete it so he did.
Howard said she felt so bad for the rabbit and so did he. He said it was a big ass hawk. Robin said they are hefty birds. She said they can take down some things. Howard said he was thinking about how crazy it was.
Howard said imagine he survives 9 months in quarantine and dies from a hawk attacking him. He said that's how he could have died. He said people would have thought he was an idiot.
Howard said they were hoping to see some sex in this movie but there wasn't any. Robin said there's no sex in movies anymore.
Howard said he told Kristen that he loves seeing her on DailyMail. He said that he loves seeing her in outfits. He said she's super hot but he doesn't think she's happy about it. He said that she's super hot in the movie and the girlfriend is way too tall for her. He said her girlfriend towers over her. He said it's weird for him. He said both of them are lipstick lesbians in this movie. Howard said he wanted to see her in more hot outfits in this movie.
Howard said he's tired of hearing people saying that 2020 is the worst year ever. He said every year is bad. Robin said they say they can't wait for the year to be over like it's all going to get better in 2021. Howard said 2019 kind of sucked. He said they had the impeachment investigation, the movie Cats and more. He said there was a bunch of mass shootings and a bunch of celebrities died. He said that a bunch of bad shit went down in 2019. He read stuff that went down in 2018 and it was a list of shitty things.
Howard said that this idea that 2020 is going to end and things will get better is like thinking like Cinderella. He said that things aren't going to get magically better. He said every year sucks so stop carrying on. He said 2021 will suck too. He said there are going to be tragedies and that's it. Robin said people are dying now. She said the guy who was the original Darth Vader just died. Howard said he was a weight lifter from England.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was thinking about cheating because she plays bridge online. She said this guy from an international team getting caught over coughing to signal each other. Howard said it's not even for money and they want to be experts. Howard said they cheat at Bridge. Robin said it's like a case of stolen valor. She said you're not really a champion. She said it has to be bad when you know you're an asshole.
Howard said he was talking about the mail and Beth opening it. He said he got caught up in that hawk discussion. He said Beth opens the mail. He said she doesn't even really open it but it's a whole elaborate thing. He said he still believes you can get COVID from a box. Robin asked if he still has it in the garage for 3 days. Howard said he does.
Howard said Beth came running upstairs over vacation and said she got a Cartier ring in the mail. He said it was a ring that she has been talking about. He said it's a ring in a Cartier box. He said he didn't order her anything so he didn't know where it came from. He said he'd rather have her just pick something out and he'll pay for it.
Howard said they're looking at this box and they wonder what the fuck is going on. He said they were thinking it was credit card fraud or something. He said the return address was from China. He said he was all confused by the whole thing. He said that he remembered that his sister in law asked for her ring size so maybe that's where it came from. Howard said he told her that Amy may have ordered it. He said they called Amy and she said she never ordered anything for her.
Howard said they didn't know what was going on so there had to be a scam going on. He said he was going to figure it out. He said something was up so he had to figure it out.
Howard said the ring wasn't the right size. He said that they did a search on the internet for this ring thing and it turns out it's a scam. He said they tell you to get the ring out of the house because it could be dangerous. He said he's not sure how but they got it out of the house. He said there was a seed thing going on too where they sent them from China.
Howard said the scam with this ring is that they want you to give a positive review about the ring and then they scam people out of money by selling more of them. He said he's not sure what the Chinese are up to but this is some kind of scam. He said they're paying for the box and postage and the ring so it costs them something. He said he asked Beth why they don't just post their own fake reviews. Robin said it might be the world's worst scam.
Howard said evidently this ring has gone to a lot of people and the ring is worthless. He said that they didn't wear it or anything. Robin said she loves these scams. She said they work overtime to figure out how to break the law.
Howard took a call from the guy who sent him the fake ring. It was one of the guys doing a Chinese voice and telling him he's stupid and he got scammed. Howard told him to go eat a bat you shithead. The scammed said all of China is laughing at him now.
Howard went back to the story about the station owner who was accused of trying to set up a rape. Howard read more details about this guy who was sentenced to 3 years of probation. He said he set up a fake online dating profile to set up men for a rape. Howard said he's not sure how a guy like this got that kind of money to have a radio station. Robin said just because you have money doesn't mean you're smart. Howard said many of the people he's worked for were idiots so he's not surprised.
Howard read more about this guy and said he can't figure out what happened. He said they can't just make it simple in the article. He said the guys there figured that maybe he got pissed at a girlfriend or someone like that and he tried to set her up with guys online who would think that she was into rape fantasies. Howard said if he went on a web site and a woman said he had a rape fantasy he'd figure there was trouble there. He said he could end up in jail. Howard said you don't know if she wrote it or if it's her house.
Howard said he thinks Benjy did something with a rape fantasy. Benjy said it was similar to this story. He said that he's trying to remember it. He said there were a couple of different times. Howard said he's playing with fire. He said no woman is picturing him in a rape fantasy. Robin said that actually is the kind of guy that you'd expect to rape you. Benjy said that it was a guy who wanted him to tie him up and then rape his wife. He said that the woman was really hot too. Howard asked how it worked. Benjy said this was like 10 years ago. Howard asked how you don't remember this.
Benjy said he still has their number so he could call them up. Howard asked Benjy if he just walks in. Benjy said he thinks he said he was there to rape his wife or something like that. He said he ties the guy up and he fake struggled to get out. Robin asked what he tied him up with. Benjy said they worked it all out in advance.
Benjy said about 10 minutes into this thing they ended it with their safe word. He said maybe it was about his looks. He said he thinks he did have sex with her but they ended it quickly. He said they changed their mind. Howard asked if he tied her up. Benjy said she was just struggling. He said she didn't get tied up.
Howard asked if he stuck around. Benjy said the woman was really apologetic about it and they made out when she walked him out. He said she was really fucking hot. He said he'd love to get in touch with her again.
Howard asked if she was a 10. Benjy said no but she was really hot for an average girl. He said she was average hot. He said she had average looks and a darker skin.
Howard asked Benjy Puppet if he has been in anyone's rape fantasy. Fred did his thing with the puppet.
Howard said that he could have been set up. Benjy said he knows. He said another time he was really freaked out. He said they did this setup in a creepy hotel where he whispered to her asking if she was really into it. He said she was. He said it was kind of scary. He said the guy was watching and jerking off when he did it. Robin said Benjy is lucky to be alive. Benjy said this guy is a famous guy. He said he told them about it off the air. He said he's very famous behind the scenes and they knew who he was and told him not to mention who it was on the air.
Howard said this is like Carley Simon telling him who ''You're So Vain'' was about and he forgot. He said he didn't really remember.
Howard said if he did something like Benjy did he'd remember all of the details. Benjy said he's not sure why. Howard said he has had so many seedy things like that go on in his life that he can't remember them all. Benjy said one girl was really rude to him and said ''Look at him... I'm not going to do this.'' He said there have been other times that it was good.
Howard said Benjy had better cut it out. Benjy said he has. Howard said it's dangerous. He said his guess is that these women see him and want out. He said Benjy had a date recently where the woman said she had to leave because her kid had been in a car accident two days before.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he used to see this stuff on Craigslist all the time in the past. He said that he can't imagine that this stuff was real so he never did it. He said that he's not sure how Benjy followed through on any of it.
Benjy said that they were really hot women. He said that he thinks that they were doing drugs and it was just luck that they were up at 3am. He said one of the most fun things about it was walking into stranger's apartments and seeing a whole other world. He said it's exciting.
Benjy said that he was recognized from the show a couple of times. He said the women would laugh and say they can't do this. He said it was really easy to get into that stuff back in the day. Howard asked what his percentages are that they would back out. Benjy said even the hot ones last a normal date time. Howard asked what his percentages were. Benjy said he dated a girl he met on an app for a couple of weeks. He said that's the only time he's had sex this year. Howard asked that's one out of how many? 10,000?
Gary said that Benjy used to help this woman out in a deli and she'd sleep with him in return. He said it sounds like jail. Howard asked if the girls were hot. Benjy said one he fooled around with was not hot. He said she was short and heavy. He said they just touched each other. Ralph said this is really creepy.
Howard asked if he would rather just be with someone unattractive than jerk off. Benjy said not anymore. He said that Howard has talked to him about that. He said that you wonder if it's worth the time investment. He said sometimes it is. Howard asked if he has any plans for the holidays. Benjy said nothing scheduled.
Benjy said he would go to this brothel where they had him used as the person to train on. He said that they would teach the girls how to do their thing on him.
Howard said what he's learned is that Benjy has a ton of time and energy for everything but work. Robin said he was talking about staying up all night and sleeping during the day. Benjy said he was staying up so he could be ready for work.
Howard said imagine you do a rape fantasy and you fuck it up so much the woman turns you down. Benjy said he thinks they put so much time into it that they just want to go through with it.
Howard said he's not sure who would want a stranger walking in and doing that to you. Benjy said he thinks that the radio guy wanted guys to fuck him. Howard said he couldn't make heads or tails of that story. He said he likes that these women that Benjy sees think it's supposed to be a pleasant experience but that's not what rape is. Benjy said some women get off on ugly guys fucking them.
Howard asked if he's supposed to smack them around or what. Benjy said some women like that. He said some like the choking thing. He said that he will end up in a Law & Order show if something happens.
Howard asked if he has ever worn a ski mask. Benjy said that's a good idea. Howard said he's looking at his upper body and he looks like he has packed on some weight. Benjy said he has. He said the last 2 months he's been doing really poorly. He said he goes on crazy binges. He said when he's awake all day he thinks he can sleep at night. He said he just eats and eats. Howard asked if he's still having trouble sleeping with COVID going on. Benjy said with the election going on he felt he had to watch what was happening next. He said he can't stop looking up shit. Howard said with all of these rapes he figured he'd be burning off some calories.
Benjy said there was an article a woman wrote about how she wanted Chris Farley to beat her up but he refused to do it. Howard said he has to be careful out there.
Howard asked what Benjy is eating. Benjy said he's trying to eat healthy things. He said he eats yogurt, peanut butter and things like that. He said he eats 500-600 calories per meal. Benjy Puppet said he eats like 10,000 meals a day. Howard said Benjy has a yogurt the size of a gallon jug. Benjy said he has done that thing where you don't eat much food.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has done the rape fantasy thing with a few couples and he's not sure how he can't remember anything. He said he remembers every details of what he's done. Benjy said he could just make shit up. Howard said this is such outrageous behavior to go into a hotel room and do a rape fantasy. Benjy said he remembers some details for some of the things he did. He said one of the girls looked exactly like Lindsay Lohan but it wasn't her. He said that one was the one who said she wasn't doing this. Robin said that sounds like it could have been Lindsay Lohan.
Howard took a call from a guy who said when he was in his 30s he was divorced and these dating apps were out. He said he met a girl who hinted to him that just regular sex wasn't enough. He said after a month she had him breaking into her trailer and force sex on her and tie her up. He said that she had a hot curling iron and she had him stick it in her ass until it got hot. He said she had him rape her behind the turnpike booths and things like that. He said that he figured that he was going to get arrested if she got pissed at him. He said Benjy has to be really careful out there.
Howard said that was some story about the curling iron. The caller said you'd smell stuff burning but she loved it. Benjy said he's not doing this anymore just to be clear. He said he's looking for a nice, normal relationship now.
Howard said he likes how that caller waited a year before he called it off. He said it might get him into trouble... a year later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that to stop a rape you can put a bullet in someone's head. He said that Benjy could get killed over this. He said he's nuts.
Benjy said he knows Howard tied a woman up and walked away for hours. Howard said that was just something he tried with a woman he knew. He said he learned that he can't even tie a knot.
Howard said this radio station guy got in trouble over this whole thing. He said that he can't imagine what that must be like. Howard said it's getting late and he's getting tired.
Robin said they never mentioned that Kanye West ran for President and got 60,000 votes. Robin asked what he thinks about those people who voted for him. Howard said he knows 3 women who voted for him contacted Benjy for rape fantasies. Robin said Kanye said this was the first time he ever voted and he voted for someone who he could truly trust, ''Me.'' Howard asked if they have ever figured out what's wrong with that guy. Robin said apparently not.
Howard got in a plug for Blackened American Whiskey who sponsored the show today.
Howard said that the guy in the story about the radio station was their morning guy who called himself ''The Commander.'' He said you know the station is bad when you have a guy who calls himself ''The commander.'' He said a guy like that is highly relateable.
Howard said they have to get tape of that guy to hear what kind of show he did. Robin asked how he got caught. Howard said that's some catchy radio name. JD said he tried to find tape of this guy but he wasn't able to find anything. He said he was still on the air when he was being charged with this stuff. Howard asked if they're one of those shitty stations that have zero listeners. JD said he thinks so. He said he tried to find something from the station and they had one air check and it was just someone doing the weather and then they played music from one song to another and no one introduced the songs.
Howard said he thinks they've done enough show today. He said he'll take a Jeff the Drunk call for the last word since he thinks he doesn't like him. Jeff said he was reading his mind. He said he has a couple of things to say. He said he thinks Mike Tyson got ripped off. He said he should have won that fight. Robin said she has to check that fight out. Jeff said he met him once in the hospital. Howard asked how that happened. Jeff said he was in for his bad car accident and the nurses came in and said that he'll never guess who's in the next room. They said Mike Tyson and they sent him into the room to greet him. Howard asked why he was there. Jeff said he was visiting his manager's wife in the next room. Howard said that's a pretty fascinating story. Jeff said it is. Jeff said he saw Mike fight in Albany and he hit this guy so hard he went flying over the top rope. Fred played snoring sounds and Howard let Jeff go. He said he's tired so he'll come back tomorrow. He said Billy Corgan will be on. He said he has a new album out and it's really good. He said they'll find out more tomorrow.
Howard said he saw this Halsey performing. He said he likes that she barely wears any clothes. He said if you do that it'll get his attention.
Howard said he saw Halsey talking about how corrupt the Grammys are. Robin said The Weeknd was doing that too. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Gary said The Weeknd thinks he was shut out by the Grammys because he had one of the biggest albums of the year and didn't get a nomination. Howard said Halsey was doing the same thing. He asked why it's so important to her to get a Grammy. He said just make good music and who cares. He said he's in the radio hall of fame and wrote to them asking them not to put him in and they still put him in it.
Howard said he won the Blockbuster award for his movie. He said he took that no problem. He said he didn't want to be in the radio hall of fame though. He said he wanted to send Underdog to accept and she couldn't get in or something. Robin said Elephant Boy went to accept an award for him. Howard said he's the guy he turns to for things like that. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard stated the show talking about how he just left his wife upstairs. He said he had his breakfast with Metamucil and some interesting granola he found. He said he loves breakfast and loves granola. He said he has one scoop of granola to pepper the experience. Robin said she thought the Metamucil added flavor. Howard said it does.
Robin asked why the granola is different. Howard had to change some volume settings. He was hearing himself too loud in his headphones.
Howard said he didn't want to leave upstairs. He said he was having a nice time up there. He said he found out Beth has a secret breakfast when he leaves. He said she has a box of Lucky Charms hidden and she has that. He said she stopped eating sugar for years and this is a relapse. He said she has a huge box of Lucky Charms. He said the Leprechaun is different and young looking now. He said he didn't know she had this box. He said she has it high up in a cabinet and he didn't know about it. He said she pours a huge bowl of Lucky Charms and has a mountain of it. He said then she pours almond milk on it. He said there's always milk left so she keeps eating it to get rid of the milk. He said then she has too many Lucky Charms in it. He said he wanted to see it but she didn't want to show him. He said she's up there eating them right now.
Howard asked if Robin saw the indoor drone that Amazon has. He said he could have that up there for Beth. Robin said it's a security drone. He said it can also report on you. Howard said he'd be too creeped out to have it in there when he's there. He said if he's away that's fine. He said he doesn't want to be jerking off and have it catch him.
Robin said it's going to get harder and harder to jerk off. Howard said that's the dream of every Christian to stop the jerking off.
Howard said imagine if his parents had a drone on him. He did an impression of his mother talking about that. He said he would jerk off and have to make that leap to the bathroom outside his bedroom. He said it was equidistant from his parents's bedroom. He said they had their own but his mom would use his sometimes. He said the door was open all the time so she'd hear all the noise. He said he had to get into the bathroom to clean up without her hearing.
Howard said he used to like jerking off in his bedroom but then when he got older he figured just jerk off in the bathroom. He said there's nothing in there that says sex. Robin said guys would talk about balancing the Playboy on the back of the toilet and crazy things like that. Howard said this is before he even had Playboy. He said he would look at Honey West pictures. He said she was hot. He said if she's alive she's probably 100 years old. Robins said all of those people are probably decrepit or dead now.
Howard said there was one thing he would read about her that would get him off. He said he'd read the book and then get everything going. He said he'd have to put the book down. He said he had to see what he was doing.
Howard said Anne Francis died in 2011 at the age of 80. He said he'd imagine her tied up and he'd take her top off and have her laying there naked in his fantasy.
Howard said he'd jerk off 3 or 4 times a day when he was a kid. He said that it took up his whole day. He said he had no memories of sex so he had to think about women that he had seen. He said one of his mom's friends was kind of hot so he'd think about her. He said that was all he had.
Robin asked if he has seen the show called ''A Teacher.'' Howard said he hasn't but Beth is watching it. He said he didn't want to see it. He said he hates when people destroy their lives so he can't watch it. He said he knows the premise of the show so he knows he'd hate it. He told Robin what he thinks it's about and Robin said he has some of it wrong. She said that she thought it was right up his alley. Fred had Van Halen's ''Hot for Teacher'' playing while they were talking about that.
Howard said he wishes a teacher had been seduced by him. He said they didn't pay attention to him at all. He said he thought he had a connection to a teacher but years later they called and the guy had no idea he was even in his class. He said he offered nothing in class in high school. He said there were two guys at Boston University that he was moved by. He said he set up something in a teacher's name there and when the teacher found out about it he had no idea he was even a student of his.
Gary said that show Robin is talking about has some sex scenes in it and they give out a number for anyone who might be going through something like that.
Howard said what a life he's had. He said no one ever noticed him. Gary said he can verify that no one noticed him. He said early on they were doing some shows and Howard gave him a name of a teacher and he had to track the guy down. He said he was working at a college in Kansas and he had zero recollection of Howard. Howard said that was Professor Prince. Gary said yes. Howard said this guy he set up the scholarship for had no idea he was even in his class.
Robin said she had some bad times with teachers but they probably don't remember her either. Howard said he wishes he had a bad time with teachers but none of them even knew he was in their class. He said he must have been so hideous that no one even knew who he was. He said he was so invisible that birds would fly into him. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard said they say that this past Sunday was the busiest travel today of the year since March. He said that 1.18 million people flew. He said the CDC urged people not to travel. He said he's not sure why people have to see their family that bad. He said he loves his kids but this break has been kind of nice.
Howard said the CDC urged people not to travel and they know what they're talking about. He said that people still got on flights around Thanksgiving. He said hospitalizations for COVID hit new highs this past week. Robin said they have to wait 8-10 days to see what happens because of that. Howard said that everyone is doing it right before everyone can get a vaccine. He said come on.
Howard said he was reading about one of the guys in Tool who got it and he was still suffering effects of it. He said he goes into coughing fits every other day because of it. He said who knows what this thing is doing to people. He said you don't know what's going to happen 10 years from now.
Howard said a mayor in Colorado warned people not to travel right before he got on a plane to visit family. He said that takes balls. He said he even tweeted out advice about staying home just 30 minutes before getting on the plane. He said that he flew to Mississippi to visit his wife and daughter. Howard said this guy said that he thought it was safer to fly to them then have them fly to him. Howard said everyone is a nut job. He said this guy is a total hypocrite. Robin said they caught a lot of people doing things they're not supposed to do. She said the governor of California was caught going to a party. Howard said that's like Benjy telling people not to do rape fantasies or JD telling you not to gamble on baseball cards before gambling on baseball cards.
Howard said it's like the president ranting against illegal immigration and then finding out he hired a bunch of illegal immigrants at Mar-A-Lago. He said oh yeah, that happened.
Howard said that would be like Beth telling you not to eat Lucky Charms. He said she actually ordered a huge box of them. He said she used to eat gummy bears for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He said now she's back to eating sugar after giving it up for a long time.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her family had a failing out during Thanksgiving because of their disagreements over their way of doing things with Coronavirus. She said that they weren't invited to do anything with the family and she didn't think they should be left out of the family holiday. Howard asked if she's nervous because she's out of breath. The caller said she is nervous. She said Howard and Robin are her mentors. Howard did an impression of her being out of breath. The caller, Laura, said she's just nervous.
Howard said that Laura is saying that she's upset about the family not inviting her but she's the one being careful. Laura said she wanted to do a virtual thing but her mother said she's not buying into the lockdown nonsense and they're not immersed in the lockdown thing. Howard said that her mom is a tool. Robin said that they observed her feelings by not inviting her. Howard said he's not sure what she's upset about. He said her mother is wacky and not observing the protocols.
Laura said she just wanted to be part of it in a virtual way. Howard misunderstood at first so Laura explained how she wanted to do it. Howard asked if the family is so great that they have to be part of it at Thanksgiving. Laura said she is fine not seeing people during times like this. Howard said she sounds like she's flipping out. He said she doesn't have a problem. He said her family is going to get COVID or help spread it. He said they're rolling the dice. He said Laura is smart and wants to keep her family safe. He said that you don't need to do that. He said so what if they don't get together.
Robin said it's not a big deal. Laura said it was the gaslighting that occurred that got to her.
Howard said that Laura is like a person who drinks and she asks people not to drink around her. He said that everything is a problem. Robin said there is no gaslighting. She said she's the one making it a big deal. She said if he mother feels that way then so what. Howard said she didn't miss anything but screaming kids. He said she missed nothing.
Laura told Howard how much she appreciates the show. She said it means a lot to people. Howard said he has to talk about his contract. He said he and Sirius talked it over and he talked to his wife about it for months. Fred played the Journey song ''Don't Stop Believin'' and went to silence again when Howard was about to give the big news. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked about what a good song that is. He said he has to sit down and write some songs this weekend.
Howard said he just did the Sopranos ending again about his contract. He said he did it yesterday and people said some like it and some don't. He said he's getting on some people's nerves with that bit. He read some of the feedback about the announcement. He said that he will announce what he's doing when he has some news. He said that he's very confused by what's going on.
Howard said when he does make the announcement he's going to do with the music so some people will think he's doing the bit again.
Howard said he got a lot of feedback about Benjy and his rape fantasy discussion. He said that some of the people rejected him when he went over to do the rape fantasy. He said just imagine how embarrassing that is. He said the woman turned down a rape fantasy with Benjy. He said he keeps going back for more. Robin said he goes back again and again. She said eventually you'll get a yes.
Howard said that some people want Benjy off the show completely after that. He said that they think he's just looking for attention and he's full of shit.
Howard said that someone wrote in about how you can't be charged with rape if you set things up the right way.
Howard said a psychiatrist reached out to the show and wants to treat Benjy. He read what that person wrote about him and how he may have a binge eating issue. The person called him a ''fat fuck'' in the email. Howard said he thinks Benjy would still go if it was free even though he was called a fat fuck.
Howard said he also talked about WNBC yesterday. He read some feedback about that discussion.
Howard said that Sal's mother and sister were on People's Court recently. He said his mother was suing his sister. He said Sal is so embarrassed by this. He said they're always finding new family members thanks to his dad who had kids with other women.
Howard said that Sal's mom sued Sal's sister for $4,500. She loaned her the money for a cruise last year. Howard asked where Sal is. Sal got on and Howard said he would die of embarrassment if this happened to him. He said that he feels for Sal about this. He said all of the other shit is nothing. Sal said that nothing says white trash more than this. He said his Thanksgiving was ruined. He said that he isn't talking to his sister who his mom sued. He said his other sisters were calling and talking about how bad they feel. He said the new sisters he found out about reached out and they're wonderful.
Howard said the sister who was on People's Court isn't reaching out. Sal said her nickname is The Trouble Maker. He said she gets on Facebook and says things that get everyone pissed off. He said then he hears about this People's Court and his heart just sunk. He said he wanted nothing to do with it. He said he hasn't seen the show and won't watch it. He said this will be the first time he's hearing it when Howard plays it. Howard said he had no idea he hadn't heard it yet. He said he won't play it if he doesn't want him to. Sal said it's fine.
Sal said his sister told his mom that this wouldn't be televised and that pissed his mom off. He said that she had no idea it was going to be on. Sal said he heard from some people that they were on the show and he had no idea. He said JD called and told him about it too. He said he told JD that he didn't think it was his mom. He said he panicked and said it wasn't his mom. He said that he just wanted it to go away. Howard said he had no idea he didn't know about it.
Howard said if his sister and mom were on the show he'd do the same as Sal. He asked if his mother has a lawsuit against his sister for telling her that it wouldn't be on TV. Sal said she might. He said he knows how the Trouble Maker works and she's a lot like his dad. He said she inherited his dad's scheming gene.
Howard said this judge goes nuts on them in the show. He said that Judge Marilyn sounded like she was going to pull her hair out. He said this case is wild. He said his sister is kind of smart about this. He said they do this thing and it pays whatever judgment is awarded. He said it was a way to get out of this thing. He said the case starts off with an announcer saying the name Governale the wrong way. Sal said that's a plus for him. Howard said that he can deny it's his family that way.
Howard played a clip where the announcer says the name like ''Gover-nail.'' Howard did an impression of the announcer who sounded very odd. Howard said he always thought Sal was an odd guy but he really did feel bad when he saw this.
Howard played the clip over again and goofed on the announcer again. Howard said Judge Marilyn and everyone appeared remotely. He said the bailiff was the only one in the court room. He said that Sal's mom gave her side first. She said she loaned her money for a cruise which was going to be used for spending money. The sister paid for the cruise and had no money left over for spending money. Robin said she sounds like she has a gag in her mouth over that microphone. Howard asked who is watching this.
Howard said what it sounded like was the sister paid for the cruise and she borrowed this money to use for spending money. Sal said that was a guilt trip that she used to get the money. Howard said Melissa is the sister and she didn't seem to get what a CD was because that's where her mother took the money from. Howard played a clip of Melissa talking about how she thought it was a gift and she didn't know it was money in a CD.
Howard said Melissa thought it should be a gift because of COVID. Howard played a clip of Melissa talking about her mother never saying that it was a gift even though she has helped her mother out with many things. She said she believes it should be a gift.
Howard said this suit is taking a toll on the family. He said Melissa says that she hasn't spoken to her mother in months. Howard played a clip where she talked about that. She said they haven't spoken since May or June.
Howard said this is wild. Sal said what a hoot. He said there's a lot more going on behind the scenes. He said he knew his mother wanted the money back because her sister was buying a lot of stuff with that money. He said it turned into a big mess. He said he drops off breakfast to his mother every Sunday and he gets tidbits about it every time.
Howard played another clip where Sal's mom was talking about getting Coronavirus and going into the hospital for that. She said that she called her daughter and she said she didn't have the money. Melissa asked who was calling her every day. The judge went off on her for saying that and not paying back the money. Howard said Melissa ended up losing the case.
Howard said he's sorry that Sal had to go through this. Sal said that Thanksgiving was ruined. He said they should have settled it privately. Howard said that his mom is going to join them via Zoom to comment on the court case. He took the call from fake Mrs. Governale. It was actually fake Mr. and Mrs. Governale. They were talking about the case and Sal's messed up family. Mr. Governale talked about selling out Madison Square Garden with their new family members. He made a speech there so Howard had a clip of that.
Howard asked how the family is feeling after COVID. Mr. and Mrs. Governale talked about how they're feeling. Howard thanked them for the call and asked if they want to say hi to their son. Mr. Governale didn't want to say hello. He said that Sal is not his favorite. He said he fucks up everything. Howard let them go a short time later.
Howard said that has to make Sal feel good. He said he thinks that everything will be good and he'll be just fine. They played a song parody about Sal and his penis after that.
Howard said that was a nice song about Sal. He said that's some good news. Robin said the sister had no argument at all. She thought that she should be paid for bringing her mother to the doctor. Howard said that she did it smart by getting it paid by the People's Court. He said that if Sal hasn't embarrassed the family then what she did wasn't so bad.
Howard said Beth told him to tweet that they have a t-shirt for sale and all of the proceeds go to saving animals. He said he did a watercolor painting of their cat Helen and they put it on a shirt. Mariann said that you can get that at BethsFurryFriends.com
Mariann mentioned that Scott Ferrall is coming back to Sirius. Howard said he had no idea. He had already hung up on her. Howard said that he heard from Bubba recently. He said they just emailed briefly.
Howard said the shirts are in limited supply and you can only order through today. He said that the costs of helping these animals is expensive. Robin said that shirt is cute.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that they say that Ken Jennings has been named the interim host of Jeopardy. He said that he thinks he might be quick witted. He had trouble saying ''quick witted.'' Howard said he can't say it because he's reading. He had him try it over again. He still had trouble with it.
Howard asked Bobo why he would go with something he can't say. He said just say quick on his feet. Howard said try reading through it one more time. Bobo tried it again and read the whole thing again. He got through it this time. Howard said why not just say that he's very smart. Robin asked why he has to write this down. Bobo Puppet said because he's dim witted.
Howard said just ask the question without reading his notes. Bobo said that he thinks a good choice for the replacement host is Ken Jennings. He said he's sharp and has a quick mind. Bobo Puppet said he's everything he's not.
Howard said maybe he should read. He said he might have been right. They played a song parody about Bobo and how he should hang up. Howard said that was Jay and Roddy who sent in that song parody.
Bobo said that Jerry Seinfeld is a guy who's always ready with a quick witted one liner that makes people laugh. He was using the phrase in a sentence. Robin said he was always using it in a sentence.
Bobo asked about Gilbert Gottfried as a host. Howard said slow down and he'll comment. He said he was reading about Ken Jennings recently. He said he got into trouble. He said he got the gig and then they dug out a tweet from 2012 where he said something that offended a lot of people. He said what he said was something about there being nothing sadder than a hot person in a wheelchair. Howard said that's what it said in the paper. He had the guys check on that. He said he gets that it's offensive but do you have to undo the whole gig over that? Robin said Ken is never supposed to say anything offensive. She said he should answer in a question form.
Howard said he's trying to think about what he's saying. He said that he must have been saying that he'd like to fuck this hot girl but he didn't want to have to lift her out of her wheelchair. He said fuck him. He said Ken Jennings isn't getting that much pussy that he can say that.
Howard said when he saw hot chicks in wheelchairs they rejected him. He said he likes that Ken thinks he could score.
Howard said there's all of these controversies. He said there's a Saved by the Bell reunion and Screech wasn't in it. Robin said that he ruined his own reputation because he did porn. Howard said so what. He thought the cast hated him for what he said about them. Robin said that might be part of it. Howard asked if Selena Gomez was in the show. Robin said she doesn't think she's old enough. Howard said there was a joke in the Saved by the Bell reunion about Selena Gomez. He said they were talking and one of the kids said that they heard a rumor that Selena got a new kidney from Justin Bieber's mother. He said this upset Selena and the woman who gave her the kidney.
Howard asked Jon Hein what's up with this. Jon went over what happened and how this isn't just a reunion but a whole show on the Peacock app. He said that they did get upset and cut the reference out of the show. Howard said he doesn't have Peacock. Robin said it's free. Jon said that it's free on some levels but you do have to pay for some stuff. Howard said that he won't pay for that. He said he got the TLC app and he refuses to pay for that. He said he does want to see My 600 Pound Life though.
Jon said that Ken Jennings did tweet that thing in 2014 and in 2018 he apologized for it. He said that they did bet that Ken was going to be the next host of Jeopardy. Howard said he's the interim host. Jon said he will be hosting the show when Alex stops. Howard said he's the interim host though. Jon said the bet was who was taking over for Alex. Howard said Jon must be hard up for 100 bucks. He said that they're going to have a trial period and Ken won't get it. He said he thinks someone else will get the job.
Bobo said he thinks Gilbert Gottfried should be the host. Howard said he has to be kidding. He said that he doesn't get how the show works. Howard said that you have to get a guy who can read the questions in an unfunny way. Bobo said you have to have some kind of charisma or charm. Howard asked if he has ever seen Jeopardy. Bobo said sure he has. He said he wasn't a regular viewer but he did watch it.
Howard said he can't believe Bobo is serious about Gilbert hosting that show. He said how about Sal's mother hosting it. He said she can't be understood at all.
Howard asked Bobo if he's for real with Gilbert. Bobo said he thinks that he could be serious at times. Robin asked when he's ever been serious. Bobo said he thinks he can be serious. Bobo said it would add a new flavor to the show. Howard said no it wouldn't. Robin said it would ruin Jeopardy. Howard said Bobo said that Gilbert is smart but where has he been smart. Howard said Gilbert wouldn't be serious. Jon said that he thinks that Bobo is taking that from their conversation where they talked about having personality. He said it will be Ken Jennings.
Howard said Alex was great at reading the questions and he had no flavor. He said that's why he worked. He said he kept the show flowing. He said Gilbert is a great comedian but he's not a guy who could host that show.
Robin said you have to keep that show moving. She said that Gilbert would be interrupting all the time. Howard asked Bobo when he was thinking about this what other names came up. Bobo said he thought about Jenny McCarthy. He said she's easy on the eyes and she can dress in hot outfits. He said she guest hosted one of the talk shows back in the day. Howard said he's not going to get into that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bobo isn't making any sense at all. He said the formula of the show is prefect as it is. Howard said the name Gilbert Gottfried is out there. He said he loves Gilbert but suggesting him as a host is crazy. He said he is the least qualified for the job. Robin said grey had Gilbert host an award show and he just had to do the wrong thing. She said he can't follow rules.
Howard said even this phone call is weird. He said that Bobo kept repeating Gilbert Gottfried. Robin said it wasn't even Gottfried, it was Godfrey. Bobo spelled it out for him and spelled it wrong. Howard said he doesn't even know his last name. Howard said it's not Godfrey. He said it's Gottfried. Bobo claimed he spelled it wrong but didn't look it up. He said that he's in his car and he's not that quick. Robin said that's the first thing he's said that's true.
Howard said it's so funny to hear him say it wrong and then correct himself. The other caller said that he heard Lavar Burton as a host and he thinks that's a good choice. Howard said he thinks George Stephanopoulos would be good. He said this Bobo is way off.
Howard said how about Carmen Electra as the host. Bobo said she's easy on the eyes too. Howard said he's unbelievable. Howard and Fred were doing their Bobo impressions and talking about other people who could host. Bobo Puppet said he'd like to see Alf host. Howard said he'd be good. He said Christie Brinkley would be easy on the eyes too. Bobo agreed.
Howard said that Bobo has a good list. Bobo Puppet mentioned Raquel Welch and other models. Howard said how about Sam Kinison or Elle McPherson. He said she was easy on the eyes too.
Howard said how about Sarah Silverman. He said she's easy on the eyes too. Bobo agreed. Bobo Puppet said Suzanne Somers and Joyce Dewitt as the booth announcer. Howard said how about Kathy Ireland.
Howard took a call from a woman who said how about Zsa Zsa Gabor. She said she thinks that Bobo is really stupid. She said there's no way he came up with that quick witted comment. She said that he had to have copy and pasted it from someone else. Bobo said he did not. Howard said you know Bobo doesn't say ''quick witted.'' Bobo said he knows what it means. Howard thanked Bobo for the call and said he's had enough.
Bobo Puppet kept going with the older model names. He threw out some new ones like Margot Robbie too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that they have 8 shows left and they give Bobo all of this time. Howard said that was the worst idea he's ever heard and he had to give it time. Robin said if she had an idea like that she'd never use her brain again after that.
Howard said Bobo said 2 seconds ago that he wasn't plagiarizing and this was his thought. Howard read a quote from Variety where they said he was easy going and quick witted. Robin said that's Bobo's line that he used. The caller said she loves Robin and Howard so much. She said that this is also the guy who just claimed that he was in a car and can't look up how to spell Gilbert's name. She said she just wants to enjoy the show but Bobo is taking up half the show. Howard said he gets it. He said he thought it was fascinating that Bobo would come up with that.
Howard said that this woman said she'd rather go watch people die in hospice than listen to Bobo.
Howard said Jimmy has a great ear for impressions but that one doesn't sound like him. He said he knows he's hard to do but Elon Gold came close. He said he has told Jimmy in private that's not how he sounds. Robin said he sounds like Johnny Carson. Robin said Howard is very natural sounding and it's hard to get down.
Howard said Jimmy does a great Regis. He said that he wonders where Regis is now. He said that he asked Beth if she thinks there's anything after you die. She said no. Howard said it must just all go away like turning the computer off. He said there no coming back or anything. Robin said no. Howard said that sucks.
Howard said he had a relationship with Regis. He lived in the same building as him. He said that he was invited up to his apartment once. He said he got to check out his decorating. He said it was very nice of him to have him up there. Howard said Regis has to be pretty decayed by now. Robin said she doesn't want any of that preservative stuff. She said you just lay here turning to leather. Howard said he doesn't want that either. He said he just thought that through.
Howard had an article about someone who was almost buried alive. Howard read the story about a 20 year old woman who was found breathing at a funeral home. Howard said he read this and he was like ''What!?'' He said this was in Southfield, Michigan. He said the paramedics arrived to find a woman not breathing in this apartment. He said they tried to bring her back but they were unsuccessful. He said they turned her over to the medical examiner's office. He said they found her to be expired. Robin said she wants a time line. She said she wants to know when they found her alive and all of that.
Howard read more details about the woman and how she was found to be breathing. Howard said they're not releasing personal information on the woman at this time. Howard said he doesn't want this formaldehyde pumped into him because he could still be breathing. Robin said there was a show called The Monkey's Paw and this guy was in a horrible accident and he died and they put formaldehyde in him and when grey brought him back to live everything was making him scream in pain. Howard said this woman eventually did die even after she was found breathing.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she tries to like Bobo but he plagiarizes things and she can't take it. She said that she still has an issue with the America's Got Talent stuff too. Howard said she has to let that go.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Richard and his wife regret naming their kid after Carson Wentz after he started playing like shit. Howard said he wonders that too. Robin said maybe he got bad luck after they named the kid after that guy. Robin said maybe Richard ruined the guy.
Howard asked Richard if he has any regrets. Richard said not at all. He said it's a great name and he did win the Super Bowl that year. Howard said it would be great if he went on a killing spree like OJ. He said they could claim that he was named after Carson Daly.
Howard asked if they have named their next child. Richard said it's going to be Carter Chuck Christy. He said the Chuck is named after someone he was in a band with who passed away. Howard asked why it has to be all C's. Richard said it's just a fun thing. Robin said they might as well name him COVID.
Howard said he used to work at WCCC and they were the worst call letters ever. He said they had rules about how many times you had to say the call letters. He said you had to say them the right way too. He said they had rules at the FCC about how you said it. He said that his boss would call complaining about the way he said it. He said he was losing his mind over that.
Richard said that it's actually Cameron Chuck Christy. He said he forgot that they had changed it from Carter to Cameron. Richard said he'll eventually remember that.
Howard said he knows Billy Corgan will be there in a minute. He said that he has a new album out. Howard got in a plug for Blackened American Whiskey since they sponsored the show today. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Billy Corgan has a new album out called CYR. He said Billy is at home stuck in a room like everyone else. Howard asked how he's doing. Billy said he's good. He heard the Shape Shifter stuff that was in the opening to his segment. Howard said Billy said he was going to write about that for a book and he hasn't heard anything yet. He said that he thinks he's credible so he wants to know the story. He said he's being selfish for not sharing that story. Robin said he owes it to them. Billy laughed. Howard asked when that book is coming out. Billy said it's hard writing a book. He said it's weird.
Howard asked if it's hard to be up this early in the morning. Billy said he has a 5 year old and a 2 year old so he's up at this time. Howard asked how hard it is to be trapped in a house with two kids now. He asked if he's going insane. Billy said they're doing fine. He said he has to be his son's buddy. He said he doesn't have any friends so he has to be there for him.
Howard asked how he knows to be a good father after the way he was raised by his father. Billy said he doesn't. Billy said he lost Howard. Howard said his only example is his own father. Howard said he's so bummed. He said he's been waiting for Billy for so long. The guys said they're reconnecting him.
Howard said they'll get this right. He said they can take a break and fix it. Robin said they can come back when they're ready to go. Howard did that and went to break. During the break they played The Smashing Pumpkins ''Tonight, Tonight.'' They also played Robin singing The Jeffersons theme song ''Movin' On Up'', The Smashing Pumpkins ''1979'' a Baba Booey song parody and The Smashing Pumpkins ''Zero.''
After the break Howard came back and said they're back. He asked where Billy is. Billy said he's in Chicago. He said he's been stuck there since March. Howard asked why he loves it so much. Billy said he doesn't love it. Robin asked why he goes there. Billy said L.A. and New York make him crazy. Howard said he's the same way. He said everything makes him mental. He asked why that is. Billy said he's not sure but he's also not sure why he has to be where he is.
Howard said Billy was talking about how his kids don't have friends there so he has to be the fun guy. Howard said it has to be fatiguing. Billy said he's had an indulgent life so this is his penance. He said he enjoys it though.
Howard said he can't see him hanging out with the other dads. Billy said he can't do the dad conversation. He said if you don't watch sports people have no idea what to talk to you about in Chicago. Howard said he doesn't think he's a sports guy. Billy said he was when he was younger. He said that he was around the Bulls a lot and he had a lot of good times going to games. He said as he's gotten older he's not as interested.
Howard asked if he's the kind of dad who would coach a little league team. Billy said sure. He said he'd be the one screaming at the kids.
Howard said this has to be all new territory to be home and not touring. Billy said that he's not sure what to think about anything. He said they won't give you a straight answer about anything.
Howard said he has two pianos and a guitar in his hand. He said to his right there's an electric organ or piano. Billy said this is where he works in Chicago. He said that he wrote a lot of his songs on this stuff. Howard asked if he goes into that room every day. He said he's so prolific. He said he has a lot of songs on this new album and he's thinking about another one. Howard asked if he goes in there every day like it's a job. Billy said six days a week and sometimes 7 he'll go in there. He said when he's writing he works maybe 6 hours a day and when recording it's 8 or so.
Howard asked what a session looks like. He asked if he just practices guitar sometimes. He said he knows he was a fan of Eddie Van Halen's. He said that he has seen Eddie in concert and he looked so effortless. He asked if you have to practice every day. Billy said he gave up on trying to be as good as Eddie. He said that it became more about song writing. Howard said he forgets when he picked up a guitar. Billy said it was 14 or 15. He said he would play 4 hours a day every day even if he was sick. He said he played 4 hours a day for years. Howard said that's the kind of commitment it takes. Howard asked if he had to work at it. Billy said his father was really good and he was never that good. He said some kids at school were kind of upset about how good he was at it though. He said it did come naturally to him. He said when people can't play a certain way it gets to him.
Howard said it comes easier to some people but you still have to practice every day. He said there was no shortcut there. Billy said there is that 10,000 hours thing. He said you do have to practice. He said there's no getting around that. Howard asked if he would take lessons or ask his father to teach him things. Billy said his father wasn't interested in teaching him. He said he'd play Van Halen songs and play scales. He said when he was 17 his father sent him for lessons. He said he showed the guy what he wanted to play and the guy told him not to. He said this guy sat there with a weird look on his face for an hour. He said the teacher said he teaches and he was up to third year music theory without any lessons. He said he thought the guy was mad at him. He said he came back and the guy played some chords and he never went back.
Howard asked if piano came to him easy too. Billy said he can't play piano. He said he can play but not like a real pianist. Howard said he can write songs on it. He said he can only play guitar. Billy said he only plays basic piano. He said he gets so frustrated playing that he wants to bash the keys.
Howard asked if his father was jealous of his ability to play and that's why he was upset with him. Billy said that he may not have thought he was as talented as him and he was getting more successful. He said when he made it he thought that maybe it was luck. He said it was 20 years that he was making it and it was hard for his father. He said the business turned on his father and it hated his music ability. He said it didn't do for him what it wanted it to.
Howard asked if he had to hide his good guitar playing from his father. Billy said he thinks he kept trying to impress him and it never did. He said his song writing is what impressed his dad. He said that to this day he still doesn't impress him. Howard said they spend their whole loves trying to impress their fathers. He said he did that with his father.
Howard asked what it is about writing songs. He said a lot of people can't do it. He said to be able to write lyrics for a hit song is almost a miracle. Billy said it's a weird skill. He said you can say this beautiful thing in 3-4 minutes. He said that you can always go back to it. He said think about all of the people who were successful and then they lose the gift. Howard asked if that freaks him out. He said he must be afraid it's going to leave him. Billy said no. Howard said it's great that he's not neurotic about it.
Billy said in 1992 he was suicidal and in that 8 months he figured out something that has never left him. He said that you have to be willing to write a bad song too. He said that's the thing that was the difference for him.
Howard asked if he knew Chris Cornell well. Billy said he did but they had a weird falling out. He said they never really made up. He said he's not sure what happened but Chris got really weird with him. He said that he still doesn't know what happened. He said he used to go visit the band in the studio and he write liner notes for them. He said one day Chris got really weird. He said his wife later told him that he wanted to make up but it didn't happen.
Howard said it has to be a rush to see them creating songs. He said that would be exciting. Billy said Chris was one of the greatest singers of all time. He said he had all of this ability and he was good looking. He said he got the full package. He said that was why it was hurtful when he turned on him. He said he still doesn't know what happened there.
Howard said when you see a guy like that kill himself does it trigger something inside of you. Billy said it did. Howard asked what it did to him. Billy said that it's hard to put into words. He said that he has stood in front of that mirror like Chris did. He said that he's not sure if he killed himself or not. He said the police say he did so he'll go with that. Billy said that he's been there when you're thinking that it's not worth it to do a show for less people than you're used to. He said that it may not feel great to you. He said in his version of reality he made that decision to take his life. He said it leaves a lot of devastation when you do that.
Howard said that the Rolling Stones may not play in front of 2500 people. He said he never thought about what an adjustment it would be to go from arenas to 2500 people. Billy said that he went through that. He said he used to get recognized all over the place and that just stopped. He said if you're insecure you feel like you've done something wrong. He said people start judging you. He said he's not trying to write Chris' story but he knows what that feels like. He said that's his version of what happened. He said that could have happened to him.
Howard said that actually helps him understand what he might have been thinking. He said that makes sense to him. Billy said that's just how he feels. He said someone else may have another opinion. He said Chris had a lot of things in his life that were great and he decided to walk off that cliff. He said he knows what that feeling could have been.
Howard said he mentioned Eddie Van Halen too. He said he knows he got to interview him for 4 hours. He said that had to be great. Howard asked how he got to do that. Billy said he used to work for a guitar magazine. He said that he got to interview Eddie for that. He said he got to talk to Eddie about everything. He said it was a 10 out of 10 experience of his life. He said he got to know Eddie really well and it doesn't get any better than that. He said that Eddie was the best of the best.
Howard said Eddie grew up not listening to rock music so he wasn't influenced that much by other music. He said maybe that's why he was so gifted. Billy said that he goes the other way. He said that he had his own version of reality and it just came out of his hands that way. He said he was already playing like a mad man in the early Van Halen stuff. He said that Eddie just practiced and practiced from a young kid. He said you'd watch him play and he'd be laughing and smoking. He said you wondered how he was like that but he was that guy and he was the real thing.
Howard said he is still mesmerized by that cigarette and running around while he's playing. He said he'd be playing a brilliant riff and it was mind blowing. He said it still is.
Howard asked if he went to his house for the interview. Billy said he did. Howard asked if he played his music with him. Billy said that he'd be playing and talking and talking and playing. He said at some point he handed him his guitar and asked him to play for him. Billy said he just kind of played and didn't play anything in particular. He said he did some stuff that he does and Eddie laughed and said he can actually play. He said he totally changed when he saw that he could play. He said that led to them talking about guitar stuff. He said that he got really excited and started showing him his equipment. He said he was such a nice guy.
Howard asked what he would play if he asked him to play. Billy played a little bit and just showed that he can play. He said that you just show that you know what you're doing.
Howard said he paints and he can relate it to music. He said you have to go over the notes over and over again until you can pull out that melody. Billy said when you hear Eddie play guitar you know it's him. He said that he could play a Van Halen thing but it won't sound the same. He said it was all in his hands the way Eddie played.
Howard said he asked Billy what music influenced him and he has a whole list of stuff that influenced him. He said Metallica influenced him. He had the song ''Fade to Black'' which was on the list. Howard asked what the story is there. Billy said that he got kicked out of his house at one point and he was living with a drug dealer. He said the story is a long one. He said he wouldn't speak back to his step mother and they eventually kicked him out of the house. He said he lived with this drug dealer and he listened to Metallica. He said he got into it and went to see them perform. He said that song that Howard just played was something that helped him get through his grandmother dying. He said he listened to that song over and over again. He said it summed up what he was feeling even if he didn't know what the lyrics were really about.
Howard said the greatest songs are the ones that depress the shit out of him. He said that when he does ''Disarm'' it really gets to him when he says ''I Used to be a little boy...'' He said he doesn't know half the lyrics to the song but the vibe of the song kills him. He said all he thinks about is what he means to him. He said he thinks that he's singing about being a sweet little boy and he should have been the joy of his father's and mother's lives. He said they wanted a little boy and there he was. He said he thinks he's singing about how they didn't treat him like that. Billy said he'd dead on. He said as parents we look at our children and wonder how they did that to you. He said that's how he sees it with his parents. He said they looked at him repeatedly and neglected him time after time. He said that's why his book is taking so long because he's trying to explain all of this in the book. He said his parents kept shoving him aside time after time and it didn't come out until he talked about it after getting famous. Billy said he talked about them in an interview and that got to them.
Howard said he asked him to play some of the song ''Disarm'' for him today. He said it's such a beautiful song. Billy said it was tough to do that song and for Howard to understand what it's about blows his mind. He said he was really just writing to himself. He said he didn't expect people to get it like Howard does. Howard said he hears that song and he stops in his tracks. He said he thinks about his father and how he didn't enjoy his own son. He said he wonders why he didn't want to share his world with him. He said the song is so powerful. He said if he starts weeping just don't stop. Billy said okay and went right into the song ''Disarm.''
After the song Howard said that's beautiful. He said he loves that song so much. He said he gets him every time with that. He asked if he has to go back and look at the lyrics before he plays it on the show. Billy said he does. He said that it all comes back after he plays it a few times.
Howard said that song is on Siamese Dream and he has said that he spent 12 hours a day recording that album back in 1993. He said he's a perfectionist. Howard said that Elton John says he recorded his albums in 4 days. Billy said that he's not that talented. He said it's never come that easy to him. He said that he wishes it had. He said he enjoys the digging and figuring out things. He said it's a tinkering kind of thing. He said he enjoys the craftsmanship.
Howard asked if Courtney Love is right when she says most of that album is about her. Billy said it's not true. He said it's partially about her and some of it is about his wife and some of it is about women he hasn't met. He said no song is really about just one woman.
Howard asked Billy if it's sometimes awful to meet the people who were his heroes. Billy said that it's totally like that. He said they get this look in their eyes sometimes and he knows that look. Howard asked if he knows to get out of there when he sees that. Billy said the person meeting you has an idea in their head about meeting the legend and they can see it coming and they don't want to be the legend. He said certain people would give him that look and he knows it now. He said they want you to approach you in a certain way. He said that he gets that vibe now. He said he'd meet some of those people later on in life and they were totally different. He said 20 years later they're telling great stories with him for 2 hours. He said he wanted something from them that first time and then it changed.
Howard said he thinks about the Beatles song ''Nowhere Man'' and how he can relate to that. He said it's on Billy's list of songs that influenced him. He asked what it meant to him. Billy said that John Lennon was going off on his own and he respected that he didn't become more and more Beatles but more and more John. He said that he was letting you into his world. He said that he someone interviewed him and asked what it was like living in the shadow of these great albums. He said he told the guy that he wrote those albums so he's living in his own shadow. He said the guy was being respectful but he found that to be an odd question. Billy said that John encouraged him to be himself with that song.
Billy said that he was asked how he feels about the new album coming out. He said he feels really good about it but now people are going to tell you what it should have been. He said that he doesn't want to do what they want him to do and he doesn't give a fuck what they think.
Howard asked Billy if he was the kind of kid who looked in the mirror and figured out how he wanted to stand there instead of moving around on stage. He asked if those were conscious decision. Billy said it was just natural. He said he could see footage of himself and it was all very calm and he'd see himself looking like a lunatic. He said he would be bouncing off the walls but his mind was about hitting the chords and singing. He said he just let himself go. He said that he would do crazy shit that he didn't imagine doing.
Billy said he ended up dancing up and down on an amp in Europe once and he could have died if he had broken through it. He said that in his mind he was calm but he was out there doing that in reality.
Howard said that when he got on stage he had to hop on that amp because he didn't believe that he as worth of being up there. Billy said he has something there. He said he remembers seeing Soundgarden play in 1989 and Chris Cornell went into the audience and he could have been ripped apart. He said that was the first time he had ever seen someone do that. Howard said Eddie Vedder did stuff like that. Billy said he remembers seeing Eddie do that and climb 150 feet above the crowd. He said if he had fallen he would have killed himself and a few people.
Howard said he told Elton John that he didn't need all of the stuff he did to get attention. He said that he said he just did whatever he did and that's that.
Howard asked why Pink Floyd's ''Wish You Were Here'' is important to him. Billy said this was the first song that hit him personally. He said that this is the song that he played with them on stage at the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame.
Howard asked Billy about the song and why it hit him. Billy said he's not sure but he still feels the same thing that he did at 17. Howard said he'd love to hear his take on that. Billy went into the song after that.
After the song Howard said that's one of the songs he listened to when his grandmother was dying. Billy said yeah. He said that when he hears that about his songs he takes it very seriously. He said that means something to that person and it can keep someone on the right side of sanity or something. Billy said that he thinks this pandemic is going to bring out a lot of interesting music. He said that it's something that you can take with you.
Howard asked if he's shocked about how people aren't taking this seriously. Billy said that's because you don't know who is telling the truth or not. He said you come up with different answers if you search for it. He said that no one is going to believe anyone.
Howard said he lived through a great explosion of great music. He said that 1991 to 1996 is what Billy says was a great time for music. He said he thinks he's right. He said it was like a return to sanity. He said then that disappeared. He said maybe this time will bring more of that great music. He said it could inspire something. He said we'll see. Billy said he's hopeful.
Howard said he had the weirdest feeling about Billy. He said he can't predict what he'll be into. He said one day he was on the Regis and Kathie Lee show at the height of Smashing Pumpkins. He said that he remembers seeing him on with Regis and it was a bizarre booking. Billy said that was his idea actually. He said he would write in the mornings and he'd watch them every morning. He said he thinks he wrote the riff to ''1979'' while watching them. He said he called an asked to go on and they were awesome. He said Kathie Lee starts hitting on him live on the show. He said that he couldn't have anticipated. Howard said he cold have banged Kathie Lee. Billy said he thinks about people he could have gone after and what would have happened if he had made the call. He said she's on that list. Howard said he wants to know who else is on that list.
Howard said on his list of songs that influenced him he loves that he got into Black Sabbath and put ''Changes'' on this list. He said he didn't think that would be a song he'd be into. Billy said that's probably his favorite band of all time. He said that they'd do interviews back in 1989 and people would laugh when they said that. He said now Ozzy is an institution and things have changed.
Howard said Jane's Addiction is on his list too. He played some of their stuff and asked if Billy knows Perry. Billy said he does. He said that he's friendly with his wife too. He said he's glad he got to know him over the years. He said his partner is friendly with Etty. Howard said that Etty is something else. He said she was on the show to perform with Perry and the band and he was just thinking about Etty. He said you have to be careful bringing someone like that on stage with you. Billy said that Etty changed Perry and got him to start a family.
Howard asked if it's weird putting out a new album in times like these. He said the band got back together and things were exciting. Billy said they actually recorded the album before all of this COVID stuff started. He said the album is kind of life affirming and people think that it was written during this time. He said it was before though.
Howard asked why he's doing ''Birch Grove'' today. Billy said he wrote the song for his kids and he knew he was going to do it today. He said he was thinking about what he'd tell him about it. He said he's 53 and his kids are 5 and 2 and he thinks about them growing up without him. He said they're still going to have a lot of life experiences without him. He said it's kind of a note from dad and he wants them to know he thought about this and this is their card if they miss him when he's gone.
Howard said imagine if his father was loving enough to write him a song. He asked if this is a confessional or telling them how to run their lives. Billy said it's this is who your father was. He said you're listening to the song when you're father is gone and this is what he cares about and what he's thinking about. Howard said if he should die young this is how to get them to know who he is. Billy said he just wants his kids to be happy. He said that's what the song is about. He said that everyone should be happy. He said it doesn't matter who they love or whatever, he just wants them to be happy.
Howard asked if Billy is happy. Billy said he's happier than he was when he was a kid. He said he was thinking about Howard and how he keeps doing his show because he must love it. Howard said he's not sure why he keeps doing it. He said he doesn't know why he keeps doing it. He said he might love it. Robin said he's so unsure that he can't stop because he might love it. Billy said he must love what he does too because he's still doing it.
Howard said he thinks about Billy's life and how he started playing guitar at 14. He asked if he'd go to a high school dance and start playing and became a butterfly. Billy said people saw him and rejected him. He said they didn't understand grey way he played or his attitude. He said he has had a violent response to him on stage. He said that people would yell in his face and he still gets that now.
Howard asked where he played the first time on stage. Billy said he played with his dad and his band. He said he was 18 and they were playing Tom Petty songs and things like that. He said they were all in their 40s and he was kind of their guitar player. He said that was his first gig. Howard said his fantasy is that he'd get up and play in front of his high school. Billy said he had a high school band but no one paid attention to him. He said he didn't get the girl or anything like that.
Howard said now he's going to perform this song ''Birch Grove.'' He said that he love this song that Warren Zevon did before he died. Howard asked if he knows that. Billy didn't know it. Howard said it was called ''Keep Me In Your Heart For Awhile.'' He said it's kind of like this song. Billy said alright. Howard had him go into the song ''Birch Grove'' after that.
After the song Howard said that's a beautiful song. He ask if he has played it for his kids yet. Billy said not yet. Howard said he has a double album and he loves doing that. Billy said the band is back together and they want to make music. He said he tells his band that hey have 20 more years to play if they want it. He said there are other bands doing it into their 70s so maybe they can do that. He said they can just play. He said just go out there and play.
Howard said just do it and don't let the head trips happen. Billy said they get you to doubt yourself and it's all a ruse. Howard said he's so right. He said the smartest thing he does is not read social media. He said it will stifle him. Howard said he imagines he won't read reviews of his album. Billy said his fans will write him and someone wrote him and said they read a review and the first thing it said was ''Well, this isn't Siamese Dream.'' He said that's such a weird thing to say. He said you have to move on and it would be kind of sad if they hadn't moved on.
Howard said a lot of bands stop making music when they get reviews like that. He said they can't take it. Billy said that Neil Young got it right and he just keeps going because his music is valuable to someone. Howard said Bowie was like that too. He said he did some strange stuff and just kept creating.
Howard said he was listening to the radio yesterday and it sounded like a Smashing Pumpkins song. He said it was Our Lady Peace ''Superman's Dead.'' Billy said he's heard that. Howard asked if he thinks that they were inspired by him. Howard played some of the song and asked what he thinks. Billy said he think that they were inspired by them. He said that they don't want to admit that they're sounding like them. He said they don't want to cite their influences because they might get shit for it. Billy said that Sonic Youth was a band that everyone would mention when they were coming up. He said that they love them but you figure out who you're supposed to like. Howard said that can make you cool.
Billy told Howard about how they knew Our Lady Peace. He said that they asked them to do a festival with them and they kind of made faces when they asked them to do the show. He said that they wanted to headline but he told them that he was going to play every hit song they have if they wanted to do that. He said that he convinced them not to headline.
Howard said that Van Halen would do that. He said they made damn sure that no one wanted to follow them. Howard said he figured that Billy would get irritated when someone did a song that imitated his. Billy said it doesn't bother him really.
Howard asked if management still tells you what songs to put on an album. Billy said oh yeah. Howard asked if they told him not to put something up. Billy said there were two songs that they told him not to put on. He said it was people in his world who told him that. He said that ''Birch Grove'' was one of them. He said they didn't want him putting them out early. He said he knows his fans though. Howard played the song ''Dulcet In E'' that was the other song people told him not to put out early. Howard asked who he plays that song for first after writing it. Billy said he works with a producer on what he wants it to sound like and that's how they get it where he wants it. He said he's trying to push forward the songs that the fans will react to and it's working. Howard said it doesn't sound like what he's done before. He said that's a good thing. He said it's something new and that's not a bad thing. Howard said that doing the same radio show over and over again can get dull too.
Howard asked if Billy could figure out what wrestler walked into the ring to a certain song. He said his guys were wondering because he's such a big wrestling fan. Howard said his guys are convinced he can do it. Howard played a song that Hulk Hogan used called ''Real American.'' Billy knew it was Hulk.
Howard played another song and Billy knew it was Ultimate Warrior. Howard said he has to be kidding him. He said the song is called ''Unstable.'' Howard played another song and Billy didn't know that one. Howard gave him one more and Billy didn't get that one either. Howard played another one and Billy said these were all 80s based when he wasn't watching. He did get one more. Howard said this is the last one. He played the song and said he has to get this one. Billy didn't know that one. Howard said that was Golddust.
Howard said he can't believe he got one right. Billy said he didn't do this to Eddie Vedder. Howard said Eddie doesn't watch wrestling. He asked if he knows Eddie. Billy said he does a little bit. Howard said the guy is a really nice guy. Billy didn't seem to agree. Howard asked what the beef is there. Billy said he's not saying anything. He said last time he asked about Pearl Jam he got in trouble. Billy said that he rated bands and people got very mad at him. Howard asked if he did that to him. Billy said it's all good.
Howard said he loves Billy and he knows it's strange times. He said that he wishes him health and safety and hopes he's around for a long time. Billy thanked him for that. Robin said she hopes his kids grow up with him and don't have to find him through his music.
Howard said that Billy is going to be part of a David Bowie tribute show. Billy said he's doing that on January 8th. He said he's going to do Space Oddity. Howard said perfect. He said he sees Trent Reznor on the bill. He asked if they get along. Billy said that they don't get along. Howard said maybe Billy is too honest. Billy said that people become what people think they should be and he doesn't want to deal with that ''avatar'' of a person. Howard said he thinks what he's saying is that Billy is a real guy and he's not living in Hollywood. He said he doesn't put things on. He said when he's with his peers a lot of times they become the guy who people see on stage. He said that's the persona but that becomes who they are even off stage and that's what Billy has trouble with. Billy said he doesn't want to have to navigate around that. He said if you say anything you're messing up the apple cart of who people believe people are. He said he has his own issues with people and they have issues with him too. He said he just doesn't want to navigate that stuff. He said there's behind the scenes stuff too. He said it's not all great behind the scenes either. He said people may be able to sell who they are to people but he knows things behind the scenes.
Howard said beefs occur over business and other bands are so competitive that they try to hurt you on tour so they can be more popular. Billy said absolutely. He said he doss it in public though. He said the behind the scenes stuff is what people don't know about. He said he's not going to play the fantasy game just because it's convenient.
Billy said he knew Eddie and Trent early on. He said he has known them for a very long time and he doesn't want them asking him to go along with their fawning. He said they are super talented musicians but if you want to know about them as people he will tell you. He said they may not have nice things to say about him either. He said that he won't go along with it if people want to say that they're great people. Howard asked if Marilyn Manson is a cunt. Billy said he did ask him to be the godfather to his son. He said that he's never met his son but he did ask that. Billy said that he was friendly with Marilyn but they had a falling out but they made up. He said they were able to sort through the bullshit. He said he knew the real guy and he didn't want to play the game that he was talking about. He said they found value in their friendship. He said that he knew his dad and Marilyn reached out to him when his father died. He said he just can't play the games.
Howard asked what it was that got between him and Marilyn with Rose McGowan. Billy said he and Rose didn't get along and she made Marilyn choose between him and her and he chose her. He said that they made up over time though. He said things are fine now.
Billy said that he figured out that he can't do the celeb friendship thing. He said he's had that and there are hangers on and he just can't do that. He said he grew up with a musician and his father told him not to buy this bullshit. He said that he has met musicians along the way and they try to transform along the way. He said that's just not his way.
Howard said he holds musicians in such high respect because of what they do. He said he gets seduced by the music and starts to believe that they're a superior person. He said maybe he buys into the bullshit. Billy said that's why they're good at what they do. He said that they convince you to believe something that may not be true.
Billy said that Eddie Van Halen was even more kind and generous than he expected him to be. He said that gave him even more respect for him. Howard said he wasn't threatened by anyone because he was so good at what he does. Billy said his guitar player Jimmy is the same way. He said he's very generous because he's not intimidated by anyone.
Howard asked who his friends are since he lives in Chicago. Billy said he has a small world and it's always been that way. He said he has a few celeb friends. He said Lenny Kravitz is a lovely person who he goes out of his way to see. He said he doesn't talk to him every day but he does like him. He said last time he talked they talked about the time he met Lenny's dad. He said they talk about family and kids and things like that. He said he's fine with him being that guy on stage but he can get to know the real Lenny too.
Howard asked if he read Lenny's book. Billy said he didn't. Howard said he had father issues. He said he was thrown out of his house too. He said he has to ask him about that. He said he might have more in common with him than he knows.
Howard said all he knows is the Smashing Pumpkins new album CYR is out now. He said now he gets to go do that show with Trent Reznor. He said that he has to put this stuff in his book. Billy said it's all in there. He said that he's not sure when it'll be done though. He said that writing it is exhausting.
Howard said he's the best and his talent is amazing. He said he has to thank him for playing three live songs today. He gave him another plug and congratulated him on the new album and thanked him for doing the show all the time. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said now there's a man. He said when he did that song and sang ''I used to be a little boy'' and it got him again. He said he's such a great guy. Robin said he is and she gets that whole persona thing. Howard said she must be referring to him. Robin said she knew him when...
Howard said he has to pee. Robin said she had to go too. She said she didn't pee because she had to hear the song. Howard said he was the same way. He said he can understand why Kathie Lee wanted to bang him. He said he wishes Billy had banged her. Robin said right there on Live.
Howard said Billy was right about women wanting him. Robin said she was thinking about Howard talking about a certain woman who he thought wanted him. Howard said he was probably wrong about that. He said you have to think about the thousands of hours Billy has put into playing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this guy is fucking magic. He said its really refreshing to listen to someone like that who has the passion for something and has the ability to talk about it the way he does. Howard said he gets excited every time he hears Billy is coming on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview. He said Billy is the best. He said he wants to talk about how much he agrees with him about Chris Cornell. He said he was at his last show and he did seem disappointed that he was at a theater doing a show. He said he was trying to get people more excited and it just wasn't working. Howard said that was interesting what he said about that. Howard spent a minute talking about that again.
Howard said that there have been radio guys who looked like they were going to be huge and they didn't make it. He said that he'd see people who were on big stations and they were on in stations up in Maine not on a big time station. He said it was depressing to see some of those guys.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his interviews with musicians are the best he gives. He said he had 3 huge musicians in the past few weeks and they're 3 of the best he's ever given. He said he lets them explain their process and how they make it. Howard said he really does love musicians and he's really curious about how they conduct their lives.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he was really looking forward to this interview. He said he has a dynamic with him and he's not afraid to answer questions. He said that he's one of the best guests. Balls said he has to thank him for all of the shows he's done in case he doesn't come back. Howard thanked him for that and said he has to go because nature calls. He said they'll be back tomorrow with Miley Cyrus. They ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about Robin singing with Miley Cyrus in the opening. Robin said that was their duet. She said it was her singing companion. Howard said he likes her singing. Robin said she was behind Miley. Howard said it sounded good to him. He said when she duets she does better. He said she just needs that confidence booster. Robin said they didn't do it together. She said she did it on her own and they must have matched it up. Howard said it works.
Howard said he's low energy Howard today. He said he was talking to someone he knows over email. He said she has a publicity firm and she's not doing publicity anymore. He said she was inspired by him and started painting and fell in love with it. He said she just wants to stay home now. He said she must be old enough that she can stay home after working enough. He said he was a little jealous. Robin said he could do that too. Howard said he doesn't have the balls to do it. He said he has worked his entire life and started in junior high. He said he has worked his entire life. He said he worked two days a week at a plumbing supply house.
Howard said he started young and supported his parents. He said he still does that today. Robin asked how old he was. Howard said he thinks 13 but maybe he was older. He said maybe it was 15. Robin said she wasn't able to find a job at that age. Howard said his friend's dad owned this place. He said this guy was wealthy. He said he met him when he moved to the white neighborhood. He said they had heating coils under the driveway so they didn't have to shovel snow. He said they had two Cadillacs. He said his family didn't have money. He said he wasn't able to get anywhere. He said they needed help at this plumbing supply house and he was getting $10 an hour. He said it was a lot of money to work there. He said he remembers them having dogs in there to protect them from being robbed. He said they attacked the owner so they had to give them back to the security company.
Howard said he and his friend worked there and some of the workers were Spanish and only spoke in Spanish. He said he remembers they used to piss on the plumbing supply boxes because they were angry at their jobs. He said his friend did that to fit in and he wanted to do it too but he wasn't able to pee in public. He said that everything has been horrible.
Howard said yesterday he was in a dark period. He said Beth knows to stay away from him when he's like that. He said it was really bad. He said he's just a misery to everyone. He said it was very, very dark.
Howard said social media is crazy. He said he's not sure how people read it. He said he never looks at what people wrote about him. He said he's on Instagram but don't try to friend him. He said it's only for friends who paint. He said he doesn't want to deal with it. He said people are assholes. He said you can't listen to people who are negative.
Howard said Beth uses Instagram and she posts pictures of cats. He said that's all it is. He said a couple of years ago she started posting pictures of cats and people started following her. He said a lot of people like it. He said she has a big following. He said she's just trying to get cats homes. He said she's not trying to do anything else and she's not trying to be an influencer or anything. He said she's just trying to help cats.
Howard said it's a huge hassle to do this cat thing. He said a lot of people want fame from it. He said people follow the cats and they do weird shit with them. He said Beth gets angry emails from people who got cats and they end up getting angry at her for their adoption. He said he told Beth that she has to put at the top of her account that it's their responsibility once they adopt a cat. He said it's not their cat. He said they didn't give birth to the cat and tell them to get in touch when they have a problem. He said you should see the horrible messages they get. He said most of these people don't even make a donation when they get a cat. He said they get them their shots and get them neutered or spayed and that comes out of his pocket.
Robin said one of her friends adopted one of the cats and she was amazed at everything that came with the cat. Howard said someone has to pay for that. Robin said that this woman was overwhelmed by it. Howard said yeah. Robin said they gave her food, litter, a litter box and a carrier. Howard said he asked Beth if anyone ever donates money to the cause. He said Beth said no. Howard said it's called Beth's Furry Friends. He said some people give but it's very few. He said then you start getting emails from people who want a cat out in Chicago. He said they're in New York. He said Beth writes back saying try a shelter in Chicago and they will get angry at her.
Howard said then they have people who threaten to take their cat to a shelter if they don't save their cat. He said he hates people so much.
Howard said there was an article about how he and Beth said they have plenty of cats and they'd be honored if President Elect Biden took one of their cats for the White House. He said Beth posted that they'd be honored to have them take a cat. Howard said the hate on her account is so bad. He said that Beth was in tears. He said she was so upset by this. He said these people are angry about a bunch of shit. He said they're angry that she called him President Elect. He said they say he's not the president and President Trump won. He said you have to hear this.
Howard read a message from a woman who went off on Beth and misspelled some stuff in it. The message didn't even make sense. Another person said that she's treading on thin ice. Howard asked if you can even tread on thin ice. He said you skate on thin ice.
Howard said you'd think Beth was Hitler reading this stuff. Howard read more of the messages from people and they were going off on him too. He said he's jumped the shark. Howard said he's jumped the shark so bad that he has 50 companies trying to hire him. He said you can't get more successful than him.
Howard read another message about how Biden might put the cat in a microwave or something. Howard had more messages about Biden. He read one about how Joe Biden isn't the President Elect. Howard said this idiot thinks Joe Biden didn't win the election. Robin said they're assholes and they know he won. She said they just want to cheat because they want it the way they want it.
Howard read another message where someone said that a woman can turn a man's brain to shit. They said that Howard used to be smart. Howard said they called Biden the President Elect and these morons take up their time posting this on a cat account.
Howard read another one where a guy wrote that Biden isn't President Elect. Howard said that's what people are upset about. He said he read that a majority of republicans are convinced that the election was rigged. Robin said they know he lost. She said there's no way they don't know.
Howard read a message from someone who said that she hates Biden but she'll continue to follow Beth. Howard said Beth deleted her. Howard read more of that message and they were saying that Biden is going to jail hopefully. Robin asked why Trump is trying to pardon his kids already.
Howard said people are calling Biden retarded but they're retarded. Robin asked if they're supposed to use those words. Howard said they're slow adults.
Howard said the whole point of the account is to get cats a home. He said it's simple. He said Joe Biden is the President Elect and he will be President. He said a bunch of shit will come out about what's gone down for the past 4 years and you can ignore it because you're in Lala Land. Robin said Trump wants to pardon himself and his kids and they haven't even been charged with anything. Robin said he warts to pardon Giuliani too.
Howard said William Barr said there is no evidence of any election fraud and people are angry with him now. He said anything with any reality is what they don't like. Robin said they just like the idea of this guy and don't really like what he's doing.
Howard said Biden is the President Elect. Robin said we had to accept Trump and now these babies have to accept Joe Biden. Howard said they don't want a free America. He said it's really weird to wake up to this kind of thing over a cat adoption thing. He said people want a parent so badly that they can't conduct things themselves.
Howard said people complain about their cat 3 years after they get it. He said figure it out yourself. He said it's your family member now. Howard said these people tell you that they're moving and they need to get rid of their cat. He said they threaten to take it to a kill shelter. He said it's like ''Whoa! What?''
Howard said someone just dumped a 14 year old cat on them. He said people are ugly. He said he's not leaving his house COVID or no COVID. He said rule number 1 is that he's staying home if he signs with Sirius again. He said he's not moving. He said he doesn't want to be out there with people.
Robin said she was listening to the news this morning. She said we are so fucked up. She said she hears dumb people saying these things and she should post what she hears.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard should give out all of the names and the fans will get back at the people who are posting this stuff. Howard said he can have his own Bubba Army. Howard said he talked about Britney Spears once and she had fans and her fans got after him. He said he was attacked by an army of ants. He said her fans were talking about how ugly he was and how great Britney is.
Howard said it's a waste of time to go after these people. He said they don't have any followers and they feed off of that kind of thing. He said they like it in some weird way. He said it's their way to get attention.
Howard said he can call his army the Little Dicks. He said he can get his little dicks to go after people. Howard said Britney's fans are the Britney Army. He said he'll never fuck with her again.
Gary said they had Harry Styles fans come after them once. He said that they are fucking crazy. He said that they had Harry on the show and they calmed them down. Howard said Mariah Carey has the little lambs. He said Ariana Grande has little Grande's too. He said they will fuck with you.
Gary said there were a bunch of Harry Styles fans at Saturday Night Live and they sent someone down to interview them. He said things got so crazy that Harry's manager called and asked if everything was okay over there. Howard said they call the fans Harrys or Stylers.
Mike asked Howard what Trump did that bad in the past 4 years. He said he was friends with him before. Howard said he was friends with him like he's friends with Michael. Howard said that his relationship has been on the radio. He said he was a fantastic guest. He was fantastic because he has no filter and would say things that were outrageous. He said he was a great radio guest but that doesn't mean he's a great President of the United States. Mike asked if he did anything well in his eyes. Howard said the lying about everything from day 1 was mind blowing. He said he has a friend who has a medical condition and lies about everything. He said some people do that and that's what Donald does. He said he knew he did a lot of weird shit in his life.
Howard said that Donald Trump was pro-choice for women. He said he immediately started to appoint Supreme Court Justices that are not. He said that these justices with the kooky religious backgrounds won't talk to him. He said that he's not this traditionalist like this guy Anton Scalia. Howard said that he wasn't happy with that.
Howard said the other thing was getting us out of the Paris Accords for the environment. He said the anti-science cascade was another thing. He said they just threw things out the window and said they put people in place who weren't qualified. He said they didn't have people who could get past a bipartisan screening.
Howard said the other thing is the way this COVID-19 thing was handled and the way Trump called John McCain names. He said the idea that anyone against Trump is a communist is out there.
Mike said that Joe Biden is a swamp creature who has been in politics forever. Howard said at least he's not going to try to pardon himself. Mike said he might pardon his son. Howard said lets see. He said he really doesn't want to get into this. He said the election is over. He said lets just deal with it. Robin said Hillary could have complained about the election in 2016. She said that Hillary won the popular vote but she stepped down. She said she didn't fight it.
Howard took a call from fake Alex Jones who was on Mike's side in this whole thing. Alex was throwing out some crazy conspiracy theories as usual.
Howard asked Alex if he has a product that could help people get through these tough times. Alex said he wants to say a prayer for Donald Trump. He did his prayer and then broke into an ad for one of the products he sells.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's making some great points. Howard said if you like Trump that's fine. He said just accept the election results right now and maybe he'll run again in 4 years and you can vote for him then.
Howard said the amount of golf going on while the nation is dying is out of control. Robin said they had another party at the White House. Howard said he has no idea what's going on. He said he really doesn't care about your political beliefs. He said you shouldn't care about his either. He said lets take a breather on that and just make phony phone calls and shit. Robin said they can play clips of Sal's mom on The People's Court. Howard asked how funny that was. He did his impression of the announcer on that show.
Howard said that the Ariana Grande fans are called Arianators. He had some trouble pronouncing that. Robin tried to help. Howard said Beyonce is the Beyhive.
Howard said in the 60s and 70s they didn't have any of that. He said if you're part of that you're just a douche. He said don't tell anyone but he's in Bachelor Nation. He said that Justin Bieber has The Beliebers. He said Miley has the Smilers. He said they're friends with her so they don't have to worry about them.
Howard said that Ed Sheeran has the Cheerios. He said he's not sure who comes up with that. He said he was never part of an army. Robin said she always thought the Dead Heads were kind of lame.
Howard said he was one of the Clay Mates for Clay Aiken. He said any time he calls up his army he's there.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said it must drive him nuts with the fans. He said it drives him nuts. He said it shows how stupid people are. Howard said the spelling and grammar are so bad. He said that it's lost on them that all they're trying to do is adopt a pet out. He said then grey think they're renting them the cat so they can come back to them to fix them.
Robin said she has cats when something happens she takes care of it. She said it's her cats. She said she has a vet and she talks to her vet if that's the issue. She said she has to take care of it herself.
Howard let Ralph go and said that's enough of that. He said it's endless. He took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked if he has a problem with him. Howard asked if this is the same call they have every time. Jeff said this is serious. He said he wants him to hear him out. Jeff asked why he can't speak to him like he does with other Wack Packers. He said he spends more time on the phone with others like Bobo and King of All Blacks. Howard said he's gone over this before. He said it's boring. He said Jeff is a super sensitive guy. He said if he says anything negative to him he freaks out. He said Bobo and High Pitch Erik can take it. He said Jeff always starts yelling and it's impossible to have a conversation. He said most of his calls are about how he doesn't spend enough time on the phone with him. He said he can't be his dad's substitute. He said he runs a radio show and it has to be interesting to the audience. He said that King of All Blacks is always complaining he doesn't get enough time on the air. Jeff said he spends more time with him. He said he knows he does.
Howard said he spends time with people he finds interesting. He said Jeff is not interesting to him. Fred was playing a crying baby and Jeff yelled at him to stop.
Howard said he doesn't spend time thinking about how much time he spends on the phone with him. Jeff asked why Robin yells at him and only him. Robin said that other people have content and he's the only one she has to yell at. Howard said Jeff doesn't listen.
Howard asked Jeff if there are any people in his life that he prefers to spend time with than others or does he spend the same amount with everyone. Jeff said he tries to spend time with everyone equally. Howard asked again if he prefers to spend time with some more than others. Jeff said yes. Howard said then he gets the idea.
Howard said that Jeff called in recently every day to talk about his work out. He said no one wants to hear that. He said that Jeff is an alcoholic. He said he wasn't that interested in that discussion. He said he's doing a radio show and he's not interested in that. Jeff said he's not an alcoholic. Jeff said he didn't drink today or yesterday. Howard said maybe he has it under control then. He said the thing he was interested in with Jeff isn't a thing anymore. He said that's just great.
Howard said he can call him ''Jeff the old boring guy in a trailer'' from now on. Robin said he has stories that are the worst thing in the world. Howard said he likes Jeff but sometimes it doesn't go anywhere so he lets him go and he takes it so hard. He said he likes that Jeff has been a long time fan. He said he finds some stuff interesting. He said he's explained this to him so many times. He said so what if he spends more time with other people than with him. Fred played more crying clips and Jeff started yelling at him.
Howard said that he has to make Jeff interesting. Jeff said he does it for Bobo and other people all the time. Howard said he got into Transcendental Meditation as a younger man. He said he would meet someone who did Transcendental Meditation and they gave it up because they were doing some other thing with some guru. He said they wanted time with a personal guru. He said that you just need to meditate and don't need a personal guru. He said these people need guidance. He said in a sense Jeff is looking to him to be his everything. He said he wants him to be his dad. He said maybe he needs to find another radio show to pick up on him all the time. He said he can't give him what he wants. It's not working out. He said he's jealous of Bobo so think about that. He said he's living his life being jealous of Bobo. Jeff said that's because of Howard. He said he's been with him for 20-some odd years and he treats him like shit. Howard said he doesn't treat him like shit. Fred played screaming baby clips. Jeff said that's real funny.
Howard said he's so good to Jeff. He said even this is ridiculous what he's doing now. He said maybe he should cancel Miley Cyrus and just have Jeff on. Howard said Jeff sings and he's not very good. He said he yells and cries about not getting enough time on the air. He said it's annoying so stop it. He said he likes Jeff. He said he doesn't hate him. He said he's Jeff the Drunk from the Howard Stern Show.
Howard played a song parody about Jeff being a pathetic loser. Gary said Jeff is talking about topics he wants to cover and at the start of the year he wanted to know what he thinks about Tiger Woods. He said he has to do better than that. Jeff said he's still going to win next year. Howard said he spent enough time with him today. He hung up on him.
Robin said Howard doesn't spend any time talking about sports but Jeff calls in with sports questions.
Howard got in a plug for Casper Mattresses for sponsoring the show today. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that's Kanye West. Robin said Howard could do a song like that. Howard said he wants to do something like that. He said he got into a room with Mark Ronson and he wasn't able to do anything with what he did. He said Mark made things all complicated.
Howard said they got a lot of fan feedback about Billy Corgan. He read through some of that feedback. Someone said that it was a great interview and when Howard's contract is really up it's going to be a great loss. Howard said that he's going to be doing a lot of painting if he retires. Robin said there are only 6 shows left this year.
Howard read more feedback about the Billy Corgan interview and he had a lot of positive comments about it. He played some of Billy's performance of ''Disarm'' where he sings that line that gets to him ''I used to be a little boy...''
Howard read some feedback about Sal's mom and sister on People's Court. Howard did his impression of the announcer on the show who was trying to put something on his voice to make it deeper. Robin asked why they didn't have him do the announcement again when he screwed up their last name. Howard said it costs a lot of money to do it over.
Howard said Sal was very embarrassed by that whole thing. Howard had some more comments about the segment and about Sal.
Howard said a lot of fans wrote in about Bobo's call into the show about Gilbert Gottfried hosting Jeopardy. Howard had a bunch of feedback about that. He said he got blasted for ripping off that headline from Variety. He said that the fans called him out on that since it was the second time he got caught plagiarizing.
Howard said he won't dwell on that. He said that grey did get a lot of fan feedback about that. Fred kept playing Bobo trying to say ''quick witted'' yesterday.
Howard said Elliot's pronoun is now He or They. He said he has questions about this whole thing. Robin said that Elliot is non-binary. She said that He has chosen those pronouns. Howard said now Ellen is Elliot. He said he's cool with that. He said he's fine with whatever you want to be. He said there's a guy he's watching on a show who is turning himself into a human Ken doll. He said he can do that if he wants to. He said that's great if that's his fulfillment.
Howard said his question is that even on Umbrella Academy they have no more mention of Ellen Page. He said it's all Elliot Page. He said he plays a woman on Umbrella Academy. He wondered if he's going to grow a beard. Robin said he's not a man. She said he's a they so he's not a man. Howard asked if they's going to be a female or a male on Umbrella Academy. Robin said he is an actor playing a role.
Howard took a call from Z who said that he has more about this. Z told Howard he has no right to ask questions. Howard asked Z if Elliot will be playing a male or female. Z argued with him and said he's not even listening to himself now. Robin asked what Z's pronouns are. Z didn't answer and said that she's just going along with the angry white man.
Howard said that Z can make a statement now. Z went on about transgender rights and went off on Robin for laughing about Elliot Page. Robin said she was not laughing at Elliot Page. She said she thinks that was an amazing statement that was made.
Howard said that Netflix has changed all of the Elliot Page credits on their service.
Howard said the movie She's All That is a movie that was made in 1999. He said they had Freddie Prinze Jr. as the guy who tries to change an ugly girl into a hot girl. He said he loves movies like that. He said that was his Star Wars. He said no girl in high school ever wanted to try to make him over. He said multiple women actually did try and it didn't work.
Howard said that M. Night Shyamalan was a ghost writer on She's All That. He said he recognized greatness even back then. He said they're also announcing that there will be a sequel to that movie called He's All That. He said they're going to have a girl make over a nerdy guy. He said he can't wait for that.
Howard asked if she has titties. Chantel said she does. She said that on the inside she's all woman but on the outside she has male parts. Howard said that her voice is throwing him off. He said Chantel is describing herself as a hot chick. Howard asked who she looks like who's famous. Chantel didn't know. She said that she has red hair and she's 6 feet tall. Howard asked if she wears a dress. Robin asked why she wouldn't take her time to feminize her voice. Chantel said she hasn't been bothered by it. She said if you don't like her looks or her sound then don't look or listen to her.
Howard tried to talk dirty to her. Howard asked how big her titties are. She said they're about a B-cup. Howard said that's something. He said good for you. Chantel said she wouldn't wish this on anyone. Howard said he feels like he's talking dirty to his contractor. He wondered what he would do to do her in bed. Howard said maybe they can have a sword fight. Chantel said Howard would probably win. Howard said he's not sure about that.
Howard said maybe they can do some arm wrestling. Chantel said she's not sure what she would do to Howard in bed. Howard said she could blow him and he can finger her asshole. Chantel said he has had one boyfriend and 4 girlfriends in her life. She said that they only last a few months.
Howard asked what Chantel did to her boyfriend. Chantel said that he was 65 and he tried to fuck her in the ass but it didn't go very well. She said she's 44 and she's been a truck driver for the past 20 years. She said she loves driving.
Howard said she doesn't sound that sexual. He said they might be lesbians. Howard said he has no beef with whatever Chantel wants to be. He wished her luck with the rest of her life. Robin said it must be tough to express herself sexually. Howard said he has felt like Chantel many times in his life when women thought he had a clitoris. He said he knows what it's like.
Howard said everyone loves George and they way he pronounces some words. Fred played some of those words that George has said over the years.
Howard said he'll tell Robin a word and she'll have to guess if he says it in a normal way or a Takei way. Howard said they asked George to pronounce Anilingus. Robin said that he'll say it normally. Howard played the clip and George said it just a little bit off.
Howard said that they asked George to say Beef Bourguignon. Robin said he'll say it in his own way. Howard played it and he didn't even say Beef right. He said ''Boof.''
Howard said they asked him to say Caprese. Robin said he'll say that normally. Howard played the clip and it did seem like it was the right way.
Howard said they asked him to say Conquistador. Robin said he'll mess that up. Howard played it and George did say it in a normal way.
Howard said they asked George to say Cunnilingus. Robin said he'll say that in his own way. Howard played the clip and George said it in the normal way and then giggled. Howard said he's not sure if he's even saying it the right way and he's the judge.
Howard asked if he'll say fellatio the right way. Robin said yes. George said it but it was a little bit off.
Howard went through more words like Marinara, Sauvignon and Prosciutto. George said some of them in the way you'd expect but he was off just a little bit with some. Howard said that he loves it. He wrapped up the game after that. Howard said he thinks he spent so much time in space that it messed up the way he hears things.
Howard said the only problem is the stuff downstairs. He said they haven't really perfected that yet. He said they can only stretch a clit out. The caller said she's not going to do anything with that. She said she's getting her boobs taken away.
Howard said they had a transgender on the show and they had taken that clit and messed it up. He said that he thinks Katie is doing the right thing by keeping that down there. He said that way she can still have orgasms.
Howard asked Katie what she has left to do. Katie said she hasn't had her boobs taken off yet. She said she's a 36-D. Robin said it's too bad she can't donate those. Howard said life is so unfair.
Howard asked what they do with the titties when they remove them. Katie said she's not sure. Howard said it's such a shame. He said have them bronzed. He said that's what he'd do.
Howard asked if she was hot as a woman. Katie said she's not. She said she looks more like a man anyway so it's an easy transition.
Howard said he was reading an article about The Queens Gambit. He said the lead woman in the book was really ugly. He said in the TV show she wasn't ugly. He said you see her in the show and that woman is so hot. He said it's ridiculous. He said most of us are just a mess. Robin said she's been watching a lot of CNBC and a lot of executives from companies are on and you get to recognize what real people look like. Howard said innovators are gross. Robin said the guy from the FDA was on and she was like ''Whoa!'' Howard said when there's a movie about that guy he'll be played by George Clooney.
Howard said a lot of people see him as an icon because he was the first lead in a movie who was ugly. He said no one had ever seen a guy that ugly on the big screen before. He said ugly people are discriminated against. He said he's ready to stand up for them. He said what about ugly people in the movies. Howard said ugly people unite, we have rights too.
Howard said good for Katie. He said that what's going to go on there is that she'll keep her ''vagine'' and she'll go down on her wife and she'll lose her titties. Robin asked what the testosterone does to the vagine. Howard said she'll have a nice slab of roast beef down there. Howard told Katie to let them know what happens down there when she's on testosterone. Katie said she will call back and let him know. Howard asked for detailed pictures.
Howard said he knows a woman who turned into a man and her vagina turned into a boxing glove.
Howard said he has no beef with anyone like that. He said life is too short to get upset over something like that. Robin said the people who do have a problem with it are not accepting God's way. She said God created all of us and to be against that is an abomination.
Howard said Miley Cyrus is going to be on after the break. He said she's going to do some songs for them. He said he likes some of the covers she does. He said she's got her whole band with her at the studios in L.A. He said they haven't heard from her since 2018. Robin said she got accolades for standing behind Elliot Page yesterday. Howard said maybe they should tweet that out and get on that train.
Robin said that they're going to have to thank Dolly Parton for helping us to get out of this COVID-19 thing. Robin said Andrew Lloyd Weber is also volunteering to take the first vaccine to help get people back to Broadway. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and talked about the great songs that Miley has had over the years. He played some of her hits. He said that's not a bad resume. He said what a career. Howard said he's looking at her at the Sirius studios in L.A. Miley said he's happy to see their smiling faces. She said this is her first live experience since this pandemic started. She said this is the first time she's left her house. She said it's kind of startling. She said she feels different than usual.
Howard said he likes the way the band looks in masks. He said he feels hot walking around in a mask because half his face is covered. He said he feels bad that the band has to stand the whole time. Miley said they can sit.
Miley said they've been keeping some normalcy by playing music. She said she knows that people haven't been able to have that during this pandemic. She said she has a lot of anxiety. She said that you go from extremes from being isolated to being out with people. She said this mask thing has given her a sense of normalcy because she can go out in public. She said her voice gives it away though. She said she realizes she has to shut up.
Howard said she does have a very distinctive voice. He said she must thank god for that voice though. He said she has a lot of power in that voice. Miley said she has kind of found a new appreciation for music making. She said she just put out a new record a week ago but now she has time to work on a new one. She said this has been the year of taking inventory of your life. She said you can look at things and she sees that being able to put out music has given her a purpose.
Howard asked if Miley can put on a voice. Miley said she can put on a baby voice but it would be creepy. Howard asked to hear it. Miley did the baby voice and Howard agreed that it was creepy. He said that would be outrageous.
Howard said he was looking at her video for her song ''Prisoner.'' He said that she performs with Dua Lipa and it looks like they're having sex in the video. He said it's really hot. He asked if they were really having sex. Miley said they were not. She said Dua Lipa said in her dreams she could have her. She said she did not get to have sex with her. She said that Dua has a boyfriend but she's single so she can do whatever she wants.
Howard asked if Miley desires Dua Lipa sexually. Miley said she's not sure she'd want to fuck her that much. She said she's a friend. She said she likes pretending that they have because it gets them views on their video. She said she might want to fuck her 5 percent. Howard said she's really hot. Miley said that doesn't really turn her on. She said that she's been playing with her band for 15 years so they have to cover their ears. She said that she needs someone who can laugh. She said she tends to be one of the people who laughs through the fear. She said she needs someone who keeps life funny for her.
Howard asked about the sexual aspect of Dua Lipa. Miley said she's hot as fuck but she's not into that. She said if Dua Lipa wanted to fuck her she'd probably take her up on that.
Howard asked Miley if she thinks there's a problem with living in Hollywood and being so successful that maybe she needs someone who isn't in the business. Miley asked if he has someone for her. Howard said he has someone in mind. He said he actually does know some young guys. He said no one can compete with her. He said guy's egos can't go with her career. He said she meets these guys in Hollywood and she's thinking that's what went wrong. Miley said she thinks that she doesn't set out to alienate someone who isn't part of the industry. She said it's who she's exposed to. She said this time has been very challenging for dating. Howard asked if she's dating. Miley said she does a lot of Facetime. Howard said he doesn't want her getting COVID. Miley said he's being very careful and following all the rules. She said she isn't going to be doing anything irresponsible. She said it's disrespectful to do that.
Howard said her mother is hot and he doesn't want her giving COVID to her. Howard asked what she's been doing as far as being locked down. Miley said all of them are being tested almost every day. She said that they have to stop using up the tests so she's also very particular about what she chooses to do. She said that if they can not use 10 tests in a day she'd rather they go to people who need them. She said she's trying to be responsible with that.
Howard asked if she's cleaning her own house. Miley said she has always done that. She said she grew up on a farm and she was isolated. She said her dad has been self isolating for 30 years. She said it was great in the beginning but they're seeing repercussions now. She said she is aware of being able to work and what a privilege that is. She said that she thinks people will appreciate hearing them perform today.
Howard said she's going to do a cover of the song ''Doll Parts'' that Courtney Love did with Hole. Howard said he love the cover songs. He said that she picks some great covers. He said he has a feeling she would have loved being a cover artist in the 70s. Miley said in the late 70s. Howard said he was blown out by her doing ''Say Hello to Heaven'' by Temple of the Dog. He said that he saw her on stage at some event doing that. Miley said it was Chris Cornell's tribute. She said it was like an out of body experience for her. She said that she knows she was out of place there. She said she felt moved that Chris' whole family was there. She said that his kids came to visit her on the set of her TV show. She said she just felt moved by the spirit of how much love there was in that room for Chris. She said she's not sure where it came from but she sounded nothing like what it did in sound check. Miley said that this shows how important live music is. She said that it was different level in the performance than it was in the sound check.
Howard said he thinks that people thought she didn't belong there but once she started singing it brought it all together and brought them in. He played some of that performance where she was singing ''Say Hello to Heaven.'' Howard said the crowd was eating that up. He said he loved it. Miley said it was a great moment for her.
Howard said he loved the way she came out and just said ''Okay, lets get this started.'' Miley said she had never experienced anything like that before. She said hearing that made her want it even more. She said that cover is something that really lasted. She said that it wasn't televised but people ask her to cover it in her set. She said that she does kind of customize the sets for herself. She said she had a really intense performance as a performer in that one.
Howard said he loves that she's doing these covers. He said he was going to ask her about doing Tiny Dancer with Elton John at the Grammys. He asked if that's intimidating. Miley said she feels most secure in music. She said that she has had to kind of work on her relationship with that. Miley said she makes a living off of these two tiny chords in her throat. She said it's a lot of pressure.
Howard said he knows singers who have lost their voice and it has nothing to do with a medical thing. He said it's a psychological thing. Miley said a lot of it is emotional. Howard said she has to get this book by Dr. John Sarno. He said it's called the Mindbody Prescription. He said it's amazing what the pressure can do. Miley said he read a book called The Body Keeps The Score. She said that your whole body can feel it when you're suffering. She said that she had to get surgery for something that 60 year old performers get. She said there's another book she'd recommend called The Molecule of More that gets into it even more.
Howard said if he had known this he would have told her to read that book first. Miley said that she started looking into it after. She said that she's healed up now and she's feeling good but she has a good understanding of it now. Miley said the book The Molecule of More is really interesting. She said anyone who has high intensity jobs should check that book out.
Howard asked about her getting sober. Miley said that she was one of the people whose sobriety broke during this pandemic. She said that she didn't go back to drugs but she was drinking. She said that she's very intense so she wanted to start her own TV show and then the dopamine wore off and it didn't do it for her anymore. She said she was doing shows on Instagram and she wasn't into it anymore. She said that made her regress into the drinking. She said she doesn't consider herself an alcoholic. She said the relationship stuff is affected by it. She said that she can be unreliable if she's doing that stuff. She said that she thinks that alcohol can be a problem for her because she's not at her best.
Howard asked if that did in the marriage. Miley said no. She said she had been with him from the time she was 16 and they lost their house in a fire and all of this stuff went down. She said she lost everything in that house fire. She said she lost Polaroids that she had of Elvis and things like that. She said she had so much and it was all gone. She said every song she had ever written was in that house. She said in trying to put that back together it forced her to let go. She said she ran toward the fire like some animals do. She said she didn't want to sit with it. She said she will always love him but she was clinging on to him because that's all she had left from the fire.
Miley said she gets the excitement from things all the time and when she comes hoe she wants things to be calm. She said when she was younger she was conflict seeking but she's not like that anymore. Howard said she's looking for someone rock solid who doesn't want drama. He said she wants a traditional kind of relationship. Miley said she likes video games and eating food all day. She said she doesn't have much of a structure but when you're a touring artist you're in a different city every night. She said you need one thing that keeps you weighted. She said she had to find that in herself and she found that in the pandemic. She said that she had to weight herself down and she has never had to do that before. She said she wasn't able to see her mom that much and her dad either. She said that she wasn't able to see her siblings either. She said she had to find it in herself and she was able to weigh herself down and be with herself.
Howard asked if she has friends. Miley said she has some good friends. She said they're quality over quantity. She said she used to have big parties but not anymore.
Howard said that Yoko Ono wrote her a note and said that she's proud of her and she took that note and tattooed that note on her body. Howard said that was very sweet of her to do. Miley said that was right after her house burned down. She said she was doing that song with Sean on Saturday Night Live and that's when she got that. She said that Yoko gave her a shirt too. She said she has had relationships with Joan Jett and Stevie Nicks. She said she doesn't like the way people ask her about them. She said she has trouble with the identity that people give them. She said Stevie Nicks is so sweet and calls her Smiley Baby. She said that the letters she gets from them are hand written and it's different than someone who just shoots you a text. She said that those words give you power when they're written down.
Howard asked if anyone calls her by her real name Destiny Hope. Miley said no because her nickname was given to her so early. She said her dad's mom would call her by her name. Howard said if he was her boyfriend he'd call her Destiny. Miley said that would be hot. She said that Elvis had a girlfriend din a movie named Miley so she loved that.
Howard said this song ''Doll Parts'' is a great accomplishment by Courtney Love. He asked if she knows her at all. Miley said she knew her back in the day when she was partying. Howard asked if she was taking that much. Miley said yes. Howard asked what she would consume. Miley said that she had a line in a song that she took from another song that was about how she could keep up with anyone around her. She said she was proud of that. She said she realizes how dumb that is. She said she just turned 28 so she's very grateful that she stayed alive. Howard said a lot of rock stars have died at the age of 27. He said there's a long list that he started to go over. Miley said she knew she had to stop doing drugs to make it through 27.
Miley told Howard about how she'd get prescription drugs and this Tramidol was awesome. She said that she probably shouldn't say that but it was awesome. Howard asked if she ended up in bed with Courtney when she was doing drugs. Miley said no. She said she just wanted to talk.
Howard asked if Courtney has heard this cover. Miley said no one has. She said she just did it for the first time yesterday. Howard asked them to get into it. Miley and her band went into the song ''Doll Parts'' a short time later.
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said when she's singing that rock fans go shit. He said that he read the comments about her performing ''Say Hello to Heaven'' the fans didn't know that she could perform like that. Howard said she sounds great. He said that band is great too. Miley said that she started working with them since she was 12 and she's 28 now. Howard said they're some musicians. He talked to one of the guys, Chris, who worked with Jane's Addiction. Howard asked if it kills him that they're not together anymore. Chris said they actually are. He said they're going to start recording when Perry heals up from vocal surgery.
Howard said that Kurt Cobain is another guy who died at 27. Miley said she knows. She said there's something about it. She said you can go in one direction or the other.
Howard said she covered ''Heart of Glass'' and that's not a song he'd think she'd cover. Howard played some of that song from her new album Plastic Hearts. Howard said he loves the song ''Zombie'' by the Cranberries. He said she covered that. He played some of that performance too. He said he thinks Dolores O'Riordan would be impressed with that cover. Howard said she did ''Sweet Jane'' too. He said he'd never think she'd do a cover of that. Howard played some of that too.
Howard said he thinks she has a lot more fans after doing songs like that. Miley said her fans think that they're her songs. She said that she has to go and correct them. She said it kind of works both ways. She said that it can convert both sides. She said the coolest part is introducing and breathing new life into this music. She said most of her audience doesn't know the music they cover. She said sometimes it works.
Howard asked if she ever got to meet Lou Reed or Bowie. Miley said she never did. Howard asked if she's ever met any of the guys from Led Zeppelin. Miley said no to that too. She said that she thinks she avoids meeting her idols.
Howard asked if any song intimidates her. Miley said that California by Joni Mitchell does. She said that's her goal to get up to. Howard said she thinks that she can't perform it. Miley said she would sing it her way but she'd rather sing it Joni's way. She said she has a gravely way of singing and that song isn't like that. She said that song is one of her goals.
Howard played Miley singing a Zeppelin song. He said that he loves watching the crowds being blown away by her performance.
Howard asked if her dad got her into that kind of music. Miley said that she goes out on tour and she has to perform songs that she can't relate to anymore. She said that she'll start doing covers. Miley said the long bus rides and staying up all night made her listen to music. She said it inspires and uninspired. She said you're locked into a set and people want to see a certain persona and it makes it challenging. She said that's where wanting to get fucked up comes from. She said if she feels she's faking it then she didn't like it anymore. Howard said some of the audience wanted to see Hanna Montana and then they get the new Miley and it's confusing to them and to her. Miley said she was kind of bad about that. She said she was back stage with Paul Simon at Saturday Night Live 40 and he was asking her about her set and he didn't know any of her set. She said he told her that she had to do some of her hits. She said she added in Wrecking Ball the next day. Miley said when she was herself no one was coming after her. She said once they put her in wigs and made her look a certain way the fans would go crazy. She said that wasn't interesting to her.
Howard said he thinks what she's got on today is amazing. He said she has a t-shirt on with no pants. He said she has the high boots on too. He said that everyone should adopt this look. He said she's in incredible shape. Miley said she wasn't meant to wear this today. She said that she was wearing this jacket but the buttons don't go down far enough. She said she wore the shirt there because that's her sleepy shirt. She said she doesn't sleep in the boots and tights. Howard said she should but that's up to her.
Howard said she knows that if she shows a bit of side tittie that more people will watch. He asked if she's obsessive about her weight and all of that. Miley said not at all. Howard asked if she works out like a mad woman. Miley said she works out like a human who wants to be healthy and in prime condition. Miley said she does work out because she wants to work out. She said that her mom is in good shape and Howard knows that. Howard said he sure does. Miley said that she feels good working out and she wants to be strong. She said that people know what you can look like out in public and she tries to lean into them for a healthy mentality. She said she wouldn't want to be too thin.
Howard asked if she worries about them catching her for DailyMail or something and putting the images up. Miley said not consciously. She said she was thinking about herself last night and what occupies her brain. She said it's not thinking about people taking pictures of her at the grocery store.
Howard said he was reading about her not wearing bathing suits for years because people said she looked like a turkey. He said she looks great though. Miley said she was in prime time for insecurity for a woman at that time. She said she was 15 and they were comparing her to adults at the time so that was strange.
Howard gave Miley a plug for her new album Plastic Hearts. He said she has a song on the album called ''WTF Do I Know'' and he thinks that's about her husband. Miley said she can't help it. She said she was working with Mark Ronson and they were working on an EP series. She said that they wrote ''Nothing Breaks Like A Heart'' around that time. She said she wrote WTF Do I Know after that.
Howard said she got married and thought this guy was going to be the man of her dreams for her whole life. Howard said she claims she doesn't spend a minute thinking about him in the song. Miley said she used to love catching fireflies in a jar with her dad and she can feel something for a second and put it into a song. She said that we all have a part of ourselves that comes out like that. She said an album doesn't have to be you all of the time. Howard said it might not be about her husband. Miley said it was at that minute but sometimes you miss people more than others.
Howard said they're going to do ''Edge of Midnight'' next. Howard said some DJ mixed in a Stevie Nicks song into her song and then they decided to mix the two up. Miley said that people started putting them together and she asked Stevie to bless it. She said Stevie said she can take anything from her songs anytime. Miley said that if she feels that way then she wants to borrow her and her time. She said they breathed new life into the song and it was such a trip. She said she's so used to singing Stevie Nicks lyrics and she had to sing a line with her about putting her lips to her's.
Howard said she's pretty gutsy and she'll ask to use someone's music and she's not intimidated by it. Miley said does but once she commits she's doing it. She said the hardest part is picking up the phone. She said she misses doing things that scare her. She said that she doesn't like asking people for things. She said it takes a lot to ask someone to do a favor.
Howard said what they're going to do is this ''Edge of Midnight'' now. It's a mash up of '"Edge of 17'' and ''Midnight Sky.'' Howard asked if it's hard to perform. Miley said they'll have to see. Howard had them get into it.
After the song Howard said that was fantastic. He said what a band. He went through the guys again and introduced Max Bernstein who was wearing a mask he really liked. Howard asked how you find a guy like Max. Miley said that her drummer and her had been working together for 15 years and no one has quit. She said there are three of them who have been together that long. She said to find someone who has to play ''Party in the USA'' and ''Zombie'' in the same night is tough. She said you have to fined someone who is willing to do that. Howard said she's right. He said that being a DJ in his younger career he would like songs that other DJs didn't think was cool.
Howard asked Max if he only plays with Miley. Max said he's just there filling in for the regular guy. Howard said he's actually Carl Bernstein's son. He said he's a hero of his so tell his dad he says hello. Max said he'll do that. Howard asked Max about growing up with a famous father did he tell him not to play guitar. Howard said his mom, Nora Ephron, is famous too. Max told Howard that his dad was a rock and roll guy and he wanted to be a rock critic at the Washington Post. He said then one night he had to cover a break in at a hotel and everything changed. Howard asked Max to give him a riff on that guitar. Max played a little bit for him.
Howard said they should wrap up before they run out of time. He said that Miley must have something to do. Miley said not at all. She has nothing else happening today.
Howard said he wants to talk about this song ''Prisoner'' she did with Dua Lipa. Howard said the video for the song is great. He said that it's very sexual. He mentioned some of the things they were doing and Miley said she didn't know that was considered sex. She said that she did those things but they have to define what sex is.
Howard asked if any of the guys in the band ever give her the D. Miley said no way. She said don't even talk about that. She said she can't look at them like that.
Howard asked why she can't fall in love with any of them. Miley said that she loves them but she's not in love with them. She said that she's known them since she was a kid so that would just be too weird for her.
Howard asked if any of the guys want to fuck Miley. Miley said no. Howard told the guys to raise their hands. Howard said four of the guys raised their hands. Miley said no they didn't, they raised their dicks. She said they're very respectful.
Miley said that those guys are so great. She said that she has experimented in many ways and they have been nothing but accepting through all of the phases. She said she gets teary just talking about it.
Howard said that he's getting the drift that if there was a nuclear war and she was the only one who could repopulate the world she wouldn't have a baby with any of them. Miley said she's sure she could figure out some way to do it. Howard said he's telling her that at lest one of these guys is in love with her. He said that he's going to give them all lie detector tests when this COVID thing is over and they can come in the studio again.
Howard asked if they have ever performed ''Prisoner'' live before. Miley said only once for an Amazon thing. She said that this is only the second time. Howard asked her what this song is about. Miley went into how she wrote the song and how everyone is stuck in their own minds during this whole pandemic thing. She said it's very relateable on all levels. She said she didn't like it at first because it sounded too much like Dua Lipa. She said that's how she got Dua involved with it to authenticate it. Howard said she and Dua recorded a couple of songs together. Miley said they did it over the last 2 years. She said they did one other song but it didn't make sense.
Howard said he thought it was interesting when the Highwomen did that collaboration. Miley said she remembers that. Howard said he can see her doing something like that. Miley said she doesn't know about that. She said she would try everything twice at least but it seems tough to do something like that.
Howard said the band and Miley are going to do ''Prisoner'' from the new album Plastic Hearts now. Miley and the guys went into the song.
After the song Howard said that was fantastic. Miley said she fucked it up. She said she thinks she came in under on the first ''Prisoner.'' She said she's going to hate that forever. Howard said that was the band who fucked up. Miley said that's going to bother her forever. She said she felt like she was a little flat. She said they could play it. She said that will bother her forever. She said something else will come up and bother her and she'll forget.
Howard said he does that too and you beat the shit out of yourself. Howard asked if she has a psychiatrist who can knock that shit out of her. Miley said she should just say it if she did it wrong. She said she wasn't right on so she has to say she did it wrong before someone else does. Miley said that she was nervous coming in there this morning and she had to say that too. She said she's not going to pretend that she's not.
Howard wondered why people don't usually do that. He said most people pretend like everything is okay. Miley said she didn't. She said she was nervous coming in there first thing.
Howard said there are two things he admires about her. He said that every night before she goes to bed she says goodbye to herself. He said whoever she was that day is done and she's not the person she was yesterday. He said he thinks there's something there. He said that's good that she can let go of anything she may have done wrong that day. Miley said that makes you different and stronger. She said she won't let her fear and anxiety win this time.
Miley said that her mom made her drive a lot when she was young because her mom wouldn't fly. She said she saw fear rule people's lives so she won't let that happen to her.
Howard said she's 28 and living on her own. He said that has to be hard during the pandemic. He said the solitude is great but it can get to you. Miley said it definitely has. She said she would have been afraid of that a while ago. She said it would have caused her so much fear if she knew this was all coming.
Howard said he wasn't sure if she was chilling with someone or alone. Miley said he's alone with her 3 dogs. He said she's lucky to have them. Howard said this is a big test to see if you can stomach it or not. Miley said she loves reading and it kind of polishes up imagination.
Howard asked what this report was about Miley believing in aliens. He said she claims that she's seen aliens. He said the report is that the family doesn't believe it and it caused a rift in the family. Miley said one of her brothers thought an alien stole a computer out of his trunk and her other brother didn't believe it and they got into an argument and didn't talk to each other for a while.
Howard said Miley claims that she saw an alien. Miley said she saw this flying thing that looked kind a snow plow and it was a UFO. She said one part of the story was that she had bought wax out of a dirty van out of a van in a parking lot and she was smoking it at the time. She said it was her and her friend who both saw this thing but they had both smoked the wax too. Howard said he has done the same drugs with people and you don't have the same trip. Miley said he has done drugs with two people who had the same trip as her so it is possible.
Howard said he's going to wrap up and thank her band for coming out during a pandemic. He said that they're all masked up and being safe. He said that Miley is very social distanced from them. Howard said he'd love it if she brings Nixon's kid so Max can fight with him next time.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Howard should set him up with Miley. He said he's funny, stable and has no ego. He said he'd be completely supportive. He said it would be all about her. He said she looks like Sharon Stone with this new look of her's. Miley said he got her with that. Howard said Ralph is one of his dear friends. Miley said you just have to be honest. Howard said Ralph is funny and a great guy. He said they'll have to see what happens. He said she could live in Jersey in a one bedroom apartment. Howard said Ralph is a good friend who isn't allowed in his house because he reeks havoc whenever he's there.
Howard gave Miley some plugs for her album and played the song she did with Billy Idol called ''Night Crawling.''
Howard said Billy sounds good. Miley said he looks great too. He asked how he was to work with. Miley said he was great. She said that he gives you what you want. She said she has a lot of respect for that. She said he's exactly who you'd want him to be.
Howard said Joan Jett is on the album too and she did a song called ''Bad Karma'' with Miley on the new album. He played some of that song. Miley said she wrote that because she's a Joan Jett fan. She said this is like a 2020 ''Bad Reputation.'' She said she wrote that one in her car. Howard said Willie Nelson writes in his car too. He said he wrote three of his biggest hits in his car.
Howard asked what her good to bad ratio is with her song writing. Miley said with the people she's worked with lately the songs have been good overall.
Howard played another song from the album and she was singing about how she'll never be faithful. Howard asked what's up with that. Miley said that was just one of those moments she was talking about earlier with the firefly thing. Howard asked what he'd have to do to make her stay faithful. Robin said how about him not respecting who she is and that's who she wants to be. Howard said if he needs her to be faithful he might not get it.
Howard said she's a free spirit. Miley said not at all. She said she likes structure. Howard said it was fun to have her on today. Miley thanked them for giving them something to do.
Howard gave the band a plug and named the guys. Howard said he recommends getting this new album which is available wherever music is sold. Howard thanked her again for doing this. Robin said it was great to see her. Howard said she sounds great. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said now they know everything. He said she sounds terrific. Robin said she has her voice. Howard said she stole her voice. He said he wishes he could sing and play guitar like Max.
Howard said she looks good too. Robin said she loves her hair. She said that is Sharon Stone from Casino. Howard said he wishes Robin had that look with the t-shirt and no panties. He asked how many times he's begged her to wear that. He said now he knows what to get her for Christmas.
Howard said it's 11:08 already. He said he's not sure what to have for lunch. He said it's getting boring doing the same thing over and over. Robin said he might as well have dinner at this point. Howard said Beth is eating Lucky Charms so he's thinking of getting some cereal and mixing it up with some almond milk.
Howard said Beth had a weird experience. He said he was talking about Beth eating her Lucky Charms and her brother called her asking if that's what she was doing. He said she got freaked out thinking there was a camera in the house watching her.
Howard said he's thinking of having a bagel for lunch. Robin asked if he eats the whole thing. Howard said he does. He said that he knows people who dig out the inside and they're as big as elephants. He said just eat the fucking thing.
Howard said he could have protein bread with some hard boiled eggs. He said he loves eating at home now because no one sees him eat like they did at Sirius. He said now he doesn't have to listen to Gary clearing his throat either. He said the whole time he'd be eating he'd hear Gary do that thing with his throat. He said it's this little thing he'd do. He said it's not loud but he wanted it to just stop.
Howard said he would have Jon Hein staring at him while he was eating. He said he'd like a bird watching him. He said he knows he wants the food. He said Jason would be watching and Jason would go ''Mmm.'' He said everything would annoy him. He said now he's home and no one is annoying him. He loves it.
Howard said his other option would be to have a bagel or protein bread with avocado. Robin said she likes that too. Howard said there are a lot of calories in avocado. Robin said it's good fat. Howard said he's not sure what good fat is. Robin said have the protein bread and avocado. Howard said that's what he'll have then.
Howard said today is his Peloton and weight day. He said he can barely lift anything anymore. He said he's so embarrassed. He said he'll go lift and he has this little set up in his house. He said he bench presses with two 10 pound weights. He said Beth will come in and ask if he's getting big. He said it's over for him. Howard said he should just paint his weights pink. He said he thinks he's a man. He said it does say he's male on his birth certificate. He said maybe he has an extra chromosome.
Howard said he climbed on top of Beth yesterday. He said he asked her what happened to Bang O'clock. He said he washed up and got ready to do his thing. He said he was very amorous. He said he had to give it to her very hard. He said he gave her a hickey like a teenager. He said she asked him to please don't do that. He said no one is going to see it. He said she said she didn't want one. He said he had to do it but she really didn't want it so he didn't give her one.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that was a good interview. He said he's a big fan of her's. Howard said she was good. He said she was going to do ''Zombie'' but she said that this time of morning would be really hard to do. He said she did ''Doll Parts'' instead. He played some of her performance of ''Zombie.''
Howard said Ralph has no shot with her. He said he did some research on her last time she was on and she said she wasn't able to fuck and old guy. He said to her a 30 year old was an old guy. Ralph said he's in her head now because she did mention him.
Howard said that might be able to get Billy Ray Cyrus. Ralph said why not. Howard said Ralph thinks he wants to be with her because she wants someone not in show business. He said Ralph is as far from show business as you can get.
Howard said Miley lost her virginity to two women. He said he hasn't lived much of a life compared to her.
Howard said he has someone on the phone who wants to be with him. He took the call and they had fake Carl Bernstein on the line talking about what he'd do to Ralph. Ralph said he's sure they could work something out.
Ralph was talking about what he would be doing with Miley if he was with her. He was talking about telling her what to wear out. Howard said Ralph can do that. He asked what he pictures his life being. Ralph said it would be a lot of hanging out. He said they'd have sex, eat, watch TV and then she can go out and do her shows when they can get back to doing that. He said he'd stay home and take care of the house. He said he'd let her go do her thing and he'd miss her. Howard said he'd have her cars and access to all of her shit.
Robin said she saw that Kelly Clarkson and her ex are fighting over the custody of their kids. She asked when you fight over that. Howard said it's about money. He said that's the lawyers talking.
Howard said no man wants full custody of their kids. Howard said he loves his kids but Ralph and Miley wouldn't work out. He said that he wouldn't be taking care of the kids. Howard let Ralph go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's 41 and he loves Miley Cyrus. He said he thinks she's amazing. Howard said she sings her ass off and she can rock. Robin said that's not so weird that he's 41 and into her. Howard said she's into dudes and girls which is even more awesome.
The caller said that Howard was busting JD's balls over sports cards. He said that it's a big business. Howard said he knows that baseball cards are a big business but JD isn't going to get anything worth the money. He said he'd rather see JD save that $89 and put it in the bank.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this interview is why they need Howard. He said he wasn't a fan of Miley's but the interview was so good. He said that it seems like they've known each other forever. He said it must be a lot of work but it was a great interview. Howard said he wanted to paint last night but he researched the shit out of Miley. He said he had to do the work because they do pay him to do that. Howard said he doesn't fuck off.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Beth tweeted how grateful he has her back. She said they all have her back and there are more good people than bad. She said he has nothing to worry about because she's going to be part of the Sterniacs. Fred played her off with some music. Howard let her go and ended the show around 11:30am.