Howard and the guys were back from their Christmas vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about how nice that opening song was. He said the production value they get is the envy of the industry. Robin asked if he's eating. Howard said he's getting his sunglasses. He said his vision is so bad now. He said he had the wrong glasses and he had to change them. He said he was trying to do it without Robin seeing it.
Howard wished Robin a happy new year. He said it's a new decade and it's very exciting. Howard said he's not thrilled about getting older. Robin said there was a thing on this morning where they were celebrating the birthday of a 117 year old woman in Japan. She said she doesn't think she knew where she was. Howard said when he was a kid he wanted to live as long as he can. He said his parents are miserable and he hangs out with people who are up there in age and it doesn't look like a party. He said you might be better off dying around 80 pretty rapidly.
Howard said Imus didn't make it into this year. He said he died and he was thinking about him. He said they both had a weird reaction to him dying. He said they both felt bad that there was bad blood between all of them. He said he went back and read some stuff that Imus said about them. He said he felt bad for his kids and wife and stuff. Robin said she was thinking about that this morning and didn't think they'd be saying anything nice about him. She said in the first hours of his death they were saying nice things but they ran out of nice things to say. Howard said they did say some nice things but the next day they were slamming him.
Howard said here was no charm there with Imus. He said he felt like Imus came from his kind of radio. He said there was a personality flaw there. He said every obituary they mention him. He said when he dies he doesn't think they'll be mentioning Imus. He said he always felt like Imus would say that he was number 2 but he had the most intelligent audience. He said it was total bullshit. He said it was like fake news. He said Imus said it enough that people believed it. He said there was zero evidence to prove it. He said he was like number 23 in the market but he thought the rest of the radio dial didn't exit.
Howard said Imus did a safe morning show and it was almost cute. He said he would talk to his co-host and it was very odd. He said he never voiced opinions. He said he did some voices and bits. He said it was mostly music and news with Charles McCord. He said when he came in and blew things up at NBC Imus became a talk show host. He said he eliminated the music and did what he was doing. He said it was weird to him. Howard said he didn't have an agent at the time and he realized he was getting hosed at WNBC. He said morally and intellectually they were beating the shit out of him. He said he went to see Imus' agent and some others. He said he eventually went with Don Buchwald. Howard said he didn't know anything about agents in radio. He said he heard that Imus had one and he told him you can't expect that kind of money like Imus was getting. He said it was all about Don. He told the guy he felt he was completely different though. He said the guy didn't see it. Then he went to Don and he saw things the way he saw them.
Howard played some Imus stuff and said he really didn't get his show. He said NBC brought him in to threaten him. He said he probably wasn't so warm to him coming in was because he was some kind of threat to his future. He said NBC had a great way of setting people up against each other. Robin said he didn't do anything to secure his position there.
Howard said there were days he didn't show up to work. He said the day they hired him Imus never showed up late to work again. He said he was reinvigorated. Robin said he would come to writing sessions after that. He showed up to their writing sessions. Howard said Moby Worm is inconsolable over Imus' death.
Howard played some more Imus clips and talked about the Reverend Billy Saul Hargus that he did. Howard said Imus was a shock jock. He said he did pioneer that. He said he was different in his time because he did those bits. He said there were guys not doing anything on radio when they were on. He said his frustration was that he was doing really crazy stuff and he would be languishing in Detroit and Washington DC instead of in New York where he really wanted to be. He said he'd pioneer starting a morning radio syndication show. He said he got pissed that Imus got that kind of thing after he did and he never thanked him for that. He didn't know why he'd expect that from him though. Robin said he wasn't a generous or grateful man. She said he would claim to control the invention of everything. Howard said so did he but he really did it.
Howard said Imus had a bit he did. He said he didn't know what the fuck he was talking about half the time. He said this is his bedtime story bit. Howard played the clip and said that's the kind of shit he did.
Howard said when they got to NBC Imus started to show up on their show. He said he was kind of good on it because he was talking about his life. Howard said he talked about John Belushi and Imus used to have him in his studio to watch what he was doing. Howard said he was a whole new Imus. He played a clip where Imus talked about Belushi when he was in the studio with Howard.
Howard said people were upset with him caring about what Imus did. Robin said he came in and the guy changed his whole act. Howard said he and Imus did have a relationship. He said he went out to eat with Fred and Imus. He said he remembers him sitting down with them and Al Rosenberg and he whipped out this wad of cash that he had never seen in his life. He said he whipped it out and he was wondering how he got it all. He said his accountant would give him this cash every week. He said they set up a thing where he got cash. Howard said he thought that was kind of cool. He said that's the most vivid memory he has about Imus. He said he didn't mind all of that stuff. He said he was getting to know the guy.
Howard said when things went sour for him they were on the air and Robin walked in and said that Imus just called her the N-word in the hall. Howard said he remembers how shocking that was to him. Robin said he ran after he did it too. She said he said it under his breath and she thought she heard it. She said the other girl who was there was shocked. Robin said Imus laughed and ran when she asked what he said to her.
Howard said Imus said he didn't call her the N-word but he did call her a Negro. Howard said he insisted that's what he called her like that was any better. Howard said he's not sure what he's calling her. He said they ended the conversation and Imus called her a spear chucker. He played a clip from that day where Imus was on the air calling her all of these names.
Howard said that's where things turned for him. He said then of course they had this lovely secretary there who was black and he saw her crying. He said she told him Imus called her the N-word too. He said after that he was done with the guy. He said he heard things about him and he didn't want to hear it. He said they had excuses for him. He said the jealousy started and he didn't mind a good fight. He said he'll go right there with you. He said he was being interviewed and Imus called him a Jew bastard. Howard said he went and found the clip. He played the clip where Imus called him a Jew bastard.
Howard said it's so original. He said he's been around that his whole life. He said they're just desperate to get to you and they go there. He said he's had much worse said to him. Robin said they want to unseat you. Howard said he's a very paranoid kind of guy. He said he's seem some bad shit go down over the years. Howard said he has talked to some black people about this. He said when he walks into the room he feels that people are thinking Jew bastard and Jew this and Jew that. He said when you actually hear it verbalized it gets to you. Howard said Imus didn't have the act or juice he had. He said he goes to Jew bastard and spear chucker.
Howard said Imus was weird to him because he never sat there and evaluated the room based on religion or race. He said he doesn't even know what Imus' background is. He doesn't really care. He said that's not the way he treats people.
Howard said Imus would tell you that he's not racist or anti-Semitic. He said he'll still say that stuff though. Robin said he tried to undo it all by opening that cancer ranch and stuff.
Howard asked how this obituary is going so far. Robin laughed. Howard said they were fired in 1985 and went to K-Rock. He said Imus said he'd eat a dead dog's dick if they beat him in the ratings.
Howard said he has another tape of Imus in 2006 where he talked about the Blind Boys of Alabama. He said Imus claimed that management didn't want them on his show. He said you have to hear this. Howard played the clip and Imus talked about the group coming in that day and how he had them on a few years ago and the Jewish management at CBS were bitching at him about them. He went off on the ''money grubbing'' management.
Howard said fuck him. He said he worked for CBS and he doesn't know who he's referring to. He said he doesn't know anyone who gave a fuck if he had on the Blind Boys of Alabama. He said he was full of shit. He said Charles was agreeing with him when he brought up the Jews. He said he just knows none of that stuff is true. He said management didn't care if he had them on. He said it was just a chance to get out the comments about the Jews.
Howard said he's all for Jewish jokes but it's so vicious with Imus. He said he just knows it's a bullshit story.
Howard said then Imus got in trouble for saying ''Nappy headed hoes.'' He said he got in trouble on some station like MSNBC. He said he came back and gave an apology. He said everyone said it was okay for him to come back. He played another clip of Imus making his apology.
Howard played a clip of Imus making another comment about a black man who was involved in a shooting. When Imus heard he was black he said ''Now you know'' why there was a shooting. Howard said Imus claimed he was saying the guy knew he was being picked on because he was black.
Howard said they have some tape of Imus' last show where he said goodbye to his audience. He said he was saying he was the best radio guy ever. Howard played that clip next.
Howard said he could name about 10 guys who are better than Imus. He said maybe 50. He said he could name all of the guys who beat him in the ratings in New York. He said Scott Shannon is one.
Howard said Imus feels that he was the best. He said he doesn't even think he's doing the best radio ever done. He said he'll even say that the entire lineup at WMCA back in the 60s and 70s were better than Imus. He went through the names of the guys who were on that station.
Howard played more of Imus patting himself on the back on that last show. He said no one ever did what he did. Howard said no one ever went to number 23 in the ratings with a zero rating. Robin said one thing he did was stay on the air. She said she'll give him that. Howard said no one ever called black receptionists the N-word at work. Howard played more and goofed on Imus some more.
Robin said he used to dress like Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Howard said that's right. He said he did wear that kind of outfit. He said he wondered how he took a shit in that thing. He said he's so glad those days are over.
Howard played more of Imus' last show and said the guy was a weirdo. He said he attacked his wife when he had shot up in the ratings. He said Imus said his wife had herpes. He said it wasn't very original. He said he'd just blurt stuff out that came into that head of his. Howard said he liked coming in and telling people what was in his head.
Howard played Imus' sign off where he talked about what they did there on his show. He rambled for a minute about Al Sharpton getting him thrown off the air and mentioned Howard in a strange way. At the very end they played a fake mic drop and feedback. Howard picked apart the whole speech he made.
Howard said in the obituary of Imus he has to give Robin credit. He said she said on the air that he would die if he stopped being on the radio. She said that in 2004. He played a clip from the show where Robin made that statement.
Howard said Robin was right but it took 21 months. Howard told Ronnie to take note of that. He said he keeps telling him to stay with the show but he's not listening.
Howard took a call from Imus from heaven. The guys had some clips of Imus rambling that they played for Howard to respond to. Howard let Imus go after a short time.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he's glad that Howard is back. He said he hopes Imus is in hell and they're shoving copies of Howard's book up his ass. Howard said he really didn't do anything to him. He said he was racist and anti-Semitic but he wasn't all bad. He said his wife liked him. He said he did some nice things for charity too. Balls said that doesn't make you a good person. Howard said it just feels weird.
Howard said when someone dies and they're part of your history it makes it very weird. He said he felt conflicted. He said Robin felt that too. He said then he listened to these clips and wondered why he was getting upset about his death. Robin said he was not a good man. She said she had memories of what it was like not just for them but for people just trying to make a living at that radio station.
Howard asked Fred if Imus did anything to him. Fred said it wasn't Imus but his people. He said he didn't have any direct issues with him.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who said that Howard and Imus' rivalry was the best of all time. Howard said it was good going back and forth. He said nothing charges him up like talking about Imus. Robin said they had a funeral for him. Howard said they did. He said they had a coffin for him and everything. He said it was lame because it was hardly a task to beat him.
Howard said they were number 1 by miles in the ratings. He said they beat them all in the ratings. He said they were just number 1. Robins said Imus never was a clear number 1.
Howard said Imus walked around claiming he was number 1 but it was all fake. He said he was never number 1.
Gary came in and said he remembers the funeral because they didn't have much of a plan. He said they had some kind of coffin that they had out the moon roof. He said more people showed up than they expected. He said they had to shut down 6th Ave. Howard said they didn't even alert the police about it. He said he was standing out the roof of the limo and calling Imus to come out and see his funeral. He said it as just stupid. He said they didn't have a plan for it.
Gary said people took off their lunch hour and they were there for maybe 4 minutes. Howard said more people were there than at Imus' actual funeral.
Howard asked what is going to happen with his funeral. Robin said she thinks it's all private.
Gary said he felt kind of sad about the whole thing. He said he was a jerk but he was their jerk. Howard wondered if he's in the ground being eaten by Moby Worm. Gary said someone asked if he went to his funeral and he said no. He said they looked at him like he was a horrible person. Howard said he got an email from Al Rosenberg who worked for Imus at one time. He said Imus had no use for Al until they hired him. He said then Imus wanted him back. Howard said Al wrote to him and said he didn't know what to feel. He said the one good thing that came out of it was meeting them.
Gary said Imus had a big crew there at NBC. He wondered if anyone there made it to the funeral. Howard said no one would want to go all the way out where he was living.
Howard said he thinks they made the kids from the Cancer ranch dig the hole for his coffin.
Howard said it was a great radio rivalry. He said Imus does get him going. Jim said he's dead and he's still getting him going.
Howard said Imus hired a black woman to work with him after the whole Al Sharpton thing. He said she only lasted like a week. Robin said that woman came on their show after that. Howard said of course they had her in. He forgot she was even there.
Howard said his worst memory of Imus has nothing to do with Imus. He said when he was on in Washington DC they shot up to number 1 like no one ever had. He said in his mind he was number one but it was like being an actor in summer stock. He said he just had to get to New York or L.A. He said he couldn't just stay in Washington. He said he went home to visit his parents and he ran into Al Bernstein who was a radio announcer. He said he was one of the best announcers he had ever heard. He said this guy was on rock radio and classical radio. He said he had a great voice. He said in his mind he was the greatest announcer. He said he ran into Al and he can't remember exactly how they met but he was working in Washington DC. He said Al asked if he ever listened to Imus. He said he told him he was doing some crazy stuff. He said his heart was pounding and he wanted to tell him what he was doing and forget that fucking guy. He said this is the problem with radio for him. He said you get to be number 1 in one market and this guy thinks he's breaking new ground. He said he just wanted to get on the air in L.A. and New York so everyone could hear what they were doing. Howard said Al thought Imus was the shit and that killed him.
Howard said had to jump at the chance get on WNBC. He said it was killing him to be on in Washington DC. He said NBC shut him down and he was worried about what was going to happen.
Howard said they fixed him and made him mental down there. He said he was killing himself. Howard said he just wanted to get on the air and prove what they could do. Howard said he and Fred played two gay guys who gargled each other's semen. He said the switchboard lit up after that. He said he thought they were going to pat him on the back for that but he got yelled at instead. Howard said it was good radio.
Howard said Pig Virus was very upset that they had gargled over music. He said he was telling them they can't gargle over Donna Summer. He said Pig Virus had made a vision board for them to look at when they thought about doing that stuff.
Howard said all of these guys are gone now. He said Pig Virus is gone and now Imus. He said Jim was right about it being a great rivalry. He said he's going to say rest in peace Imus.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's 54 years old and he was turned on to his show when he was a teenager. He said someone told him to listen to Imus and he couldn't believe how boring and crappy that show was. He said Howard blew his mind.
Howard said he didn't want this to turn into something bad. He said he has mixed feelings about the guy dying. He said they did have a rivalry and he does feel bad that he's dead. He said he feels sad in a way. Robin said it as more intimate than any other rivalry because they were in the same halls. She said they worked with him. Howard said he has a picture of himself with Wolfman Jack, Soupy Sales and Imus. He said they all posed together. He said there are a lot of memories there. He said it just feels weird.
Howard said there are a lot of stories there. He said it was an awful relationship tough. Robin said she hated it because they were all told they had to listen to him. She said when you do that and make you listen to his morning show it's not good.
Howard said he never listened to him. Robin said she tried. She wondered what in the world was happening because she didn't understand a word he was saying.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that comparing himself to Imus is crazy. He said there is no comparison.
Robin said they shouldn't comment on all of this today. She said it's too soon. Howard said he has to get to what he thinks about President Trump. He said he did some stuff that he thinks was a real bone head move. He said people who support Trump are fanatics. He said they killed this guy in Iran and his supporters said good, we had to get rid of that guy. He said they had no idea who the fuck that guy is. He said you can't just knee jerk say that we had to get rid of him. Howard said he has to stay on schedule so he's going to take a break. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has the first phony phone call of 2020. He said they have to do that and do a year in review too. He said he has to read email and talk about what he did on vacation. He said he has to talk about the Christmas party. He said Robin wasn't there because she was sick. He said she was in pretty bad shape with a bad cold. Robin said she's all better now. She said it hit her in two waves.
Howard said she should be sleeping like he sleeps. He said he takes naps during the day. He said you have no life but you get plenty of sleep. He said they call him Rip Van Stern because of that.
Robin said she had to miss dinner a lot because she wanted to go home and go to sleep. Robin said on New Years they told her she better go with the group of people she was hanging out with. She said she left because she was tired and there was nothing really going on. Robin said she got to see the fireworks and all of that when she was home.
Howard said this is the first phony phone call of 2020. He played the call where fake Bernie Sanders called an internet radio show and talked about spreading money from games across America. He was doing all kinds of his crazy math with the hosts of the show and they went along with it thinking it was the real Bernie. They eventually had to hang up on him. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he was just about to talk about something and he forgot what it was. He said he wanted to get into something.
Howard said they had a Christmas party before vacation. He said that he has everyone from the show and their spouses there. He said he doesn't like Karaoke but he thought everyone liked it. He said the fun part for him is sitting and talking to everyone. He said he finds when the Karaoke is going on you can't concentrate. He said he assumed the whole staff loves it. He said he heard from Will, Jason and Gary that they hate it. He said 20 percent of the staff loves it but 80 percent hate it. He said he would love to stop that Karaoke. He said he didn't know so many people dislike it.
Gary came in and said when he hears karaoke he knows it's time to go. He said he doesn't enjoy it. He said it gets to be too much. He said Ronnie will sing the same song every year. He said it's funny for about a minute.
Gary said Howard told Memet he could be in charge of it. He said that wasn't a great idea. Howard said Memet has a girlfriend who goes out and dances at weddings. He said she's the one who gets the people out there to dance. Gary said he'd hire her to come to a party.
Howard said the party was big for Memet and his girlfriend. He said they were in charge of the Karaoke and he didn't mind that. Will said that Memet and the girlfriend do that a lot at parties. Howard said that the girlfriend really changed Memet. Gary said she's changed him so much that he would have mocked the Memet that was at the party 3 years ago.
Jason said that Memet used to call him pussy whipped when he'd say he watched something because his wife wanted to see it. He said now Memet is going out to parties and stuff with his girlfriend.
Howard asked why they don't tell him they don't like the Karaoke. Will said they have this conversation every year. Howard said no they don't. He said just let him know if they don't like it. He said he's happy to get rid of it.
Jason said Memet and his girlfriend took over the whole thing and they did a rehearsal like a Broadway show. Howard said he said the girlfriend slide across the room on her knees. Gary said it was like a movie. He said that he was entertained for sure. Will said the singing is terrible too. He said JD gets up there and acts like he's doing something. JD said he never said he was a great singer. Will said he should be hiding his head in shame. He said he sees them high fiving and it's just a mess of a party. He said it's like a special needs person getting up and they have to applaud him. Howard asked what song JD did. JD said he did Shake it Off by Taylor Swift.
Howard said he heard JD smoked weed out there by the party. JD said he went out with the guys and they smoked a little bit. He said he did it after he sang. Fred played the Taylor Swift song and Howard asked him to sing it. JD came in from his office to sing on a regular mic.
Howard asked who got high with JD. Jason said it wasn't him. He said as soon as JD started singing he was out of the party. Jason said he gave JD some weed for the holidays.
JD started singing when he came in. Howard said that's not so bad. He said he likes his version better than Taylor Swift's. Will said he's just reading the words. He said he's not singing.
Howard said Benjy just gets up there and yells the songs. He had some audio of that performance. Benjy started off with a scream. Howard said he's so glad they're not into Karaoke. He said he's done with it if they don't want it. He asked if anyone wants to defend it. JD said he does it but he doesn't care if it's there.
Memet came in to defend the Karaoke thing. Howard said he thinks that everyone is entertained by it but he's thrilled that they don't want it. Memet said these guys are the biggest kiss asses there. Howard said they all said they don't like it before he even brought it up. Memet said these guys are going out and doing mushrooms and then complaining about this. Howard said no one listens to him.
Howard said he eliminated meat from the party. He said a bunch of guys came to him and said they miss the meat there so he put it back on. He said he hates Karaoke and the guys say they hate it too. Memet said that he heard from some of the guys that they love it. He said some of them are in the room. JD said he liked it. Gary said not everyone enjoyed it. Memet said people want to come out and do this stuff when he tells them about it. He said he thinks that they should save money on the food and spend more on Karaoke. Memet said the food isn't that great there. Gary said he's out of his mind.
Howard said they have great food there. He asked if they can cancel the party. He said he never could have believed this. He said they have everyone you could ever want there.
Memet said they serve food too much there. He said he didn't even recognize some of it. Howard asked Benjy what the thought about the party. Benjy said he dint eat there. He said he gets nervous and he screamed in that one song at the end. He said it was the end of it and not the start. Will said he was terrible. Benjy said he wasn't even there. Will said he was there.
Howard said he will get to Benjy later. Gary asked what it was that Memet didn't like at the party. Memet said it was some kind of fish thing.
Howard said they had an open bar there. He said he had food going too. He said they have deviled egg, hamburger, all types of seafood, Buffalo wings and so much that you can just fill up on that. He said in the back they had a complete sushi bar. He said this was complete with a chef. Gary said that was heaven to him. He said they had all kinds of stuff there. He said they were making it all fresh. Gary said that was just the back.
Howard said all of that is going down and they're setting up the buffet. Jason said they had fish, chicken, steak, potatoes and more. He said that they had everything you could imagine. Howard asked how you can say the food wasn't good. Memet said they could save money and just put out potato chips. Robin said that's ridiculous. Memet said he loved the party. He said the bar was good and the karaoke was good. He said he would put out party food instead. He said that's what they want to eat.
Gary said this is a treat for them. He said he looks forward to this food. Jason said he heard that he has issues with food. He said he heard he spilled a beer. Howard said he got up to go do something and Memet spilled a whole beer on his wife. He said it was in her purse and his wallet was in there. He said his wife told him what happened and had to point out Memet. He said Beth was soaking wet. Will said she was trying to be nice about the whole thing. Robin said Memet wouldn't even approach anyone for the first few years of the party.
Memet said the beer was near the edge of the table. He said they were deep in conversation. He said it was close to the edge and he was doing his thing and he was talking with is hands. Will said Memet started laughing. Memet said his girlfriend got some on her too. He said he did apologize to Beth of course.
Robin asked if he was drunk. Memet said he wasn't. Howard said he stayed out of the whole thing because he thought everyone loved Karaoke. He said he doesn't want to hear it. Memet said they have 3 hours before it even starts. Howard said he wants people to stick around and not miss dessert. Jason said he missed it. Howard said they have everyone you could want there.
Gary asked how much Memet and his girlfriend rehearsed that song where they were sliding across the floor. Memet said they didn't rehearse it at all. Memet said he's not even sure what song they're talking about. Howard said the song was Mr. Roboto.
Benjy said it was like the Cheerleading sketch from Saturday Night Live. Memet said he was just trying to get people out there and motivated. He said he's sorry he did that.
Howard said what he's going to do is take a private vote and whoever wants it can privately let him know. He said people might be intimidated. Gary said he's guessing that it will be 70 percent who don't want it. Memet said they're all ass kissers. He said they just wait to hear what Howard says about it. Robin said this is what happens when you throw a party for nuts. Howard said Ralph was acting wacky there. He said he heard he threw up in the bathroom.
Gary asked if there is any scenario in his mind that makes him think that he really doesn't like the Karaoke. Memet said everyone has two personalities there. He said there's one when they're in front of Howard and one where they're not. Howard said he doesn't think Gary is just going along with him.
Howard said he thinks people singing up there is just horrible. He said they're not good singers. He said he has a DJ there playing music and they don't need to hear them singing. Jason said just play some dance music and let people dance instead.
Howard said he wants a vote taken back there. Jason said he'll go do it now. Benjy said how about doing a vote where they do a cost per head. Howard cut him off and told him he has to figure out the room. He said he's on a whole other wavelength. Benjy said he was just saying they can have a party or get money instead. Howard said that's not what they want. Howard said he wants to throw a party for the staff. Benjy said he'd rather have the money. Gary said just give Benjy $200 and don't invite him to the party. Howard said the party is his way of expressing things to the staff. He said he's not looking for anything else. Howard said if Benjy can get his message clear he'll put him on the air more.
Howard said don't invite him to any of Memet's parties. He said he's not going to a party where there's pizza and chips. Gary said these parties are a treat. He said he likes the food there. He asked if it's bad to want a special treat once a year. He said he likes good food once in a while. Memet said people like him had nothing to eat. Howard asked what he does eat. Memet said he's not saying they have to worry about him.
Howard said he can't get any respect around there. He said he's trying to do something nice for the staff. He said Gary can frustrate the fuck out of him because he doesn't agree with him.
Gary told Memet that they came in first thing and they were talking to Howard about not liking Karaoke. He said Howard didn't bring it up. He said they brought it up with Howard. Will said he sent a note to Jason the day after that he didn't like the Karaoke.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he didn't puke at the party. He said he swears on his life that he didn't. He said he was hardly even drinking.
Howard said Ralph was out of his mind at the party. He said at one point he went over to talk to him and he was all amped up. He said he was screaming out ''faggot'' a bunch of times. He said he had to ask him to quiet down. He said some guys there looked like they might be gay and apologized to them. Ralph said he was joking around with someone but he doesn't remember that. Howard said he was in a public place.
Howard said Ralph told him he wasn't going to be drinking at the party. Ralph said that's what Howard told him. Howard said he told Ralph that he could continue not drinking when he told him that he was feeling good without drinking. He said he told him to go 3 months without drinking and Ralph said he doesn't want to stop. He said later that day he was blasted at the party. Howard asked if he smoked or took any pills. Ralph said he may have smoked a little pot. He said he didn't do anything else.
Memet said he heard that Ralph was in the bathroom puking. He said someone said he came out with vomit on his mouth. Ralph said that didn't happen.
Howard asked what he thinks about the food at the party. Ralph said it does lull down because it's a distraction. Memet said it starts 3 hours into it. Howard said they'll do a vote. Jason said he has the vote. He said they already did it. He said they asked if they want it back next year. Jason said 9 said yes and 18 said no. Howard said there you go. Memet said they're all ass kissers. Howard said it's an anonymous vote. Memet still thinks they were ass kissing.
Howard asked Ralph if he went out drinking after the party. Ralph said he did. He said he went across the street with Chris and had more drinks. Howard said for a guy who wasn't going to drink he sure was drinking a lot. Ralph said they were hanging out. He said he didn't want to quit.
Robin asked if Ralph was smoking pot when he wasn't drinking. Ralph told her to leave him alone. Howard said he doesn't know if he has a drinking problem or not. He said he told him not to drink if he feels good not drinking. Ralph said Chris told him that he can't not drink at the party.
Gary asked Ralph if he thinks the food is too fancy there. Ralph said not at all. He said you can turn down whatever you don't want.
Howard said his wife won't let him stop doing the party. Benjy said they don't have to have the party. He said they could have a hiking party or something.
Memet said Howard was in a great mood there. Howard said he enjoys mixing with the people who are there at the party. He said it's his one time of year he can do it. He wanted to socialize. He said he likes meeting people's spouses. He said it's a lovely kind of thing to do. He said the Karaoke is just loud and annoying.
Memet said maybe they could have Karaoke in a separate room. Howard said the food is so fucking good there. He said that's why he doesn't want to change the venue. He said Gary tells him that the food is great.
Gary said the Sirius party was nothing like this party. He said they weren't able to get close to the food or drinks there. He said this was different. Memet said the food just wasn't what he was looking for. Howard said he must be some kind of eater.
Howard asked what Memet eats every day. Memet said he eats a normal lunch. He said he'll grab a slice of pizza or something. Howard said that's the one thing he doesn't have there at the party. Memet said he just didn't recognize the food. Howard said they had chicken wings and things like that.
Gary asked if Memet thinks he really doesn't like the food even though he's saying he does. Memet had other things to say about the Karaoke. Gary said that he saw Jon Hein do the Karaoke thing and he walked away from it.
Gary said Memet has a salt box on his desk. He said he puts it on everything. Jason said he saw him put it on KFC chicken. Howard said he's in for a diaster if he keeps eating that much salt. He said he has to drown out the taste if he's putting that much on. Howard asked if he salts bacon. Memet said he does. Robin said bacon is all salt already.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't know how these guys keep their jobs there. He said it's Howard's Christmas party. Howard said he has to get the menu. He said they have everything you can imagine. He said they have hamburgers to tuna tacos. He said it's an orgy of every type of food you can imagine. Benjy said there was nothing vegan there. Howard said Benjy is such a weirdo. He asked when he's going to become normal.
Jason said he believes there's a story about a company that gave out barbecue sauce and the guy complained and he got fired. Robin said if there was a sushi bar there he could have gotten something vegetable there. Howard said they had plenty of vegetarian meals there. He said Benjy is Vegan only to bust people's balls. He said when he's out and about he's not asking for Vegan.
Howard said Benjy isn't full Vegan so don't show up and claim to be. He said that's a good day not to be a Vegan. He said how about that one night just be full on non-Vegan. Benjy said he doesn't like to eat meat in front of people.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he deals with this guy. Howard said he's not sure what guy he's even talking about. Robin said the vote should be about who liked the party or not. Howard said he thinks he's done with the party. Memet said he won't host the party even if he begs him. Will said that's fine. Jason said Howard didn't ask him to host it, Memet asked to host it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Memet is a twat. He said he wishes he could see him. He said he lives in the ghetto and he's worse than Jeff the Drunk.
Howard said a Christmas party is so nice. He said most people don't care about it. He said most stations don't do shit for their employees. Memet said he was just in there to talk about the food. Howard said Memet brought up the food. Gary said Memet was the one who brought it up.
Howard said the companies that don't have spouses to the parties have higher ups who don't want to go to parties with their wife. He said it's a way to get away for the night. He said he knows that because he has worked at a lot of companies. He said his mom used to have to stay home when his dad went to the company party. He said the wives weren't invited. He said his mom used to complain about it because she didn't get to go even though she's doing the cooking and cleaning at home to make her husband's life easier.
Howard asked if he missed anything. Jason said he spoke to the guy who saw Ralph throw up and he says he'd swear to anything that he did see him.
Howard said this is exhausting. Gary said he wants to say something. He thanked Howard for the party. He said he knows he's a kiss ass but he's thankful. Memet said that he's thankful for it too. He said if he wants to pick his brain over the next party he'd be happy to do that.
Howard said thanks for the Christmas gift from Memet. He said it went right in the trash. He said it was toilet paper with Imus on it. Howard said he got it for him before his death. He said he's not going to put that on his ass. Gary said Memet put it on his desk and told him to make sure he gets it. Howard said they didn't have to do that. He said now he's exhausted.
Jason asked if Howard got the Christmas card where Memet and his girlfriend are Jesus and Mary. Howard said he didn't get that.
Memet asked if they world be invited to his funeral in 30-40 years. Howard said of course. He said he'll be dead and he won't care. Howard said he met this guy who got a mausoleum spot to put his body. He said this guy told him he got this place because he's as nutty as he is. He said he's worried that they'll bury him alive. Howard said this guy tells him the story about what he's going to have there. He said the guy is going to have his coffin unlockable. Howard said this guy is going to take him there and he's going to get his own spot there.
Howard said this guy is a super rich guy. He said he has spots for his whole family there. He said he has to get one there before they run out of spots.
Robin said in New Orleans they say that it takes one year and a day to decompose. She said they take a 10 foot pole and shove your bones to the back so they can fit more people in there.
Howard said he's going with this guy to see his plot. He said he'll get his own mausoleum there. He said the guy already has to pay for keeping the place up.
Gary asked if Howard wants to see Memet's Christmas card. Howard took a look at it. Memet said he's not Jesus in it, he's Joseph. Howard said that must be sacrilegious. Benjy said Mary is really hot. Howard asked if Memet is going to marry her. He said she really is gorgeous. He said he heard they're moving in together. Memet said they are. He said they just signed the paperwork. He said he can't do any better than her. Gary said there's no argument there.
Howard took a call from High Energy Jon Hein who wanted to comment on this stuff. Robin said she watched Jon's TV show and he isn't that high energy. She said it doesn't look real to her.
Howard took the call from Jon Hein who was singing the Taylor Swift song that JD sang earlier.
Memet said that Brent and Katelyn were very subdued at the party. Howard said he must have talked to them for a half hour that night. He said they were pretty subdued. Memet said he kind of missed the fun Brent and Katelyn.
Gary said he heard that JD's wife told Will that she could break him like a twig. Will said he put her in her place by arm wrestling her and winning.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who he called Bubba's buddy. Mike said he's never even met Bubba. Mike asked if he saw the news where they showed Beth's photo from Instagram. Howard said he did see that. He said she was in a bikini and she asked him to take a picture. He said they were in Mexico when he took that. He said it was very nice down there. He said he didn't see any evidence of gangs down there. He said they even went into town. He said he was with Jimmy and Molly. He said everyone makes him feel like he's an asshole. He said all of his friends tell him not to go down there. He said he doesn't want to die to see Jimmy Kimmel. He said his wife wanted to go. He said they only went for 3 days but they were booked for 4. He said he asked his wife if she wanted to go back after 3 days.
Howard said they were kind of invited last minute. He said Jimmy and Molly were in another house with friends. He said they had their own villa there. He said he walked in and went ''What the fuck is this?'' He said he was kind of disappointed by it. He said Jimmy and everyone else were next door. He said they were all in the same house. He said it's a nightmare. He said it's 8 people with their kids. He said he's already raised his kids so he wasn't going to do that. Howard said Jimmy didn't tell him he was bringing his kids until a couple of days before.
Howard said he went to Mexico for 4 days and 3 was enough. He said he should have kept it at 2. He said he missed his shower and his bed. Gary asked how he talked Beth into leaving. Howard said he asked if she missed the cats. He said he turned to her and said he was loving it there with 80 degree weather. He said he felt like Bachelor in Paradise.
Howard said he never walks on the beach in bare feet. He said he wears sneakers and socks usually. He said this beach was so nice he was in bare feet like Jesus. He said it was fantastic. He said the water was beautiful. He said he and his wife were walking and then there's a pig on the beach. He said go to his wife's Instagram and you'll see. He said he's not sure what it is. Jason said it's Instagram.com/BethOStern.
Howard said this guy Kevin Wendell owns a hotel down there where they were. He said he used to work for FOX. He said he started CNet too. He said the guy just dropped out and became a hotelier.
Robin said she wants to hear about Howard going into town. Howard said he doesn't like going into town. He said it was called Toluene, Mexico. He said it was only an hour and a half from Florida. He said it was nice down there.
Benjy asked if he got recognized there. Howard said he did. He said Jimmy came up with a plan to go to town. He said he loves Jimmy and Molly so he'd go there with them again. He said Jimmy is mellow and leaves him alone. He said they talk about shit together about the industry. Will asked if he plays with the kids. Howard said he plays the name game. He said he's good for about 5 minutes. Howard said hi to little Jane and she ended up running away from him.
Howard said he was going to try to be Mr. Rogers to Jane but Jimmy was having none of that. He said Jane didn't want to be in suntan lotion because the sand sticks to her. He said Jimmy talked her into putting it on him and she was fine. He said he was impressive.
Memet said that you have to have a conversation like that with kids now. He said back in the day you just did what your father asked you to do. Gary said it's just not that easy like Memet thinks it is. He said you can't just tell them to do things. Memet said he'd spank his kids. Howard said you never hit your kids. He said he never did that. He said there is a way to talk to kids and get them to do things. Gary said Howard told him that when he was going to have kids and he took that advice. He said he would never hit a kid. Howard said you can fuck them up by doing that.
Mike from Maine said that he almost spanked his kid for being disrespectful. He said he didn't spank her but he did think about it. Howard said you ask the kid why they're talking to you like that. Mike said you have to walk them through it. Howard cut Mike off and said he's behind on breaks so he has to move on. He let Mike go after that. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said he was on his Peloton and they were playing a Maroon 5 song. He said it's a good song too. He played some of the song ''Wake Up Call'' for Robin. Robin seemed to recognize it. Howard said it's a good song to wake up to. Howard said next time Adam comes in he's going to have him sing that.
Howard said he was watching the Kennedy Center Honors while he was on vacation. He said he loves watching TV. He said he just lays there watching it. He said he wraps himself up in the blankets and watches. He said they were honoring Linda Ronstadt and it was kind of emotional. He said she's not in great health. He said people came out and performed her music and they weren't very good. He said at the end Aaron Neville came out with Trisha Yearwood and did a song. He said Trisha was doing a duet with Aaron and he really is good. He said Linda was tearing up from the song.
Howard said he wasn't getting moved until that song that Aaron and Trisha did. He played some of the song for Robin. Howard said Aaron really is a pro. He asked if that gets Robin. Robin said he's amazing.
Howard said Aaron has a lot of soul. He said he digs him. He said he likes seeing black people sing with white people. Robin said he can't say that. She said they're just people. She said black people aren't different. She said it's people singing with people. She said if we keep up this race thing we're going to kill each other.
Howard said it was very moving to him. He said he knows Linda doesn't like them. Robin said there's a documentary about her out now. Robin said she loved her until she found out that Linda hates them. Howard said they got sucked into that whole thing.
Howard said he watched some of the Golden Globes last night. He said he had to go to bed though. He said he thinks they should do away with all of the award shows. He said movies seemed much more important years ago. He said that it seems weird when actors have to congratulate themselves on a job well done.
Howard had some clips from the Golden Globe Awards. He had one of Tom Hanks lecturing people on showing up to work on time. Howard said he gives that same speech to Benjy.
Howard said it's embarrassing to get up there and do all of that. He said military guys and fire fighters don't get awards but actors do. He said it has to be weird for the actors too. Robin said that some of them think they deserve awards.
Howard said Ricky Gervais is a good host. He said he thought he was really good. He said he gave some good advice too. He said no one listens to him. He said he likes that guy because he's funny. Robin said she heard he disappeared after his monologue. Howard said the winners eat up the time with their speeches.
Howard played a clip of some of Ricky's monologue. He had some jokes about Felicty Huffman and her family. Howard said he has such a laid back attitude. Howard said he had some good jokes there. Robin said he delivered them well too.
Ricky had a joke about the movie Cats. Howard said he kind of likes that the movie was a flop. He said he went to see the play with his kids and the people were rubbing up against him like cats. He said he doesn't like audience participation at all. He said he took his youngest to the Blue Man Group and he was hoping they wouldn't see him there. He said he doest want to be on stage.
Howard said at Cats there were people walking up and down the aisles and rubbing against him with their filthy costumes.
Howard said Ricky Gervais was very good. He played more of his monologue. Howard said he saw Tim Cook was there. He said he just got in the streaming business and they have like 2 shows. Robin said there's more than that. She said the show Servant is awesome.
Howard played more Ricky Gervais giving advice to the audience. He said something in that speech that was dumped.
Howard said Joaquin Phoenix is an interesting character and by the time he was saying something interesting they played him off. He said he was interested to hear what he had to say but they cut him off. Howard played some audio of that.
Howard said he thought Ellen Degeneres was very funny when she accepted her award. Robin said she got the Carol Burnett award and Carol was sitting there.
Howard said it's time for the award shows to go away. He said it's so outdated. He said it's just too weird. Robin said do it in private if you want to give awards. She said that's what other industries do.
Howard asked Jon Hein if there were ratings for that. Jon said not yet. He said it followed the football game and that probably did 20 million. He said he doesn't think the awards will do that well.
Howard said Brad Pitt was very funny. He played some of his acceptance speech.
Howard said his wife doesn't want him following Oprah anymore. He said she hates that he follows her and comments on it. Howard said you have to follow her. Robin said she doesn't follow her. She said she did buy some of the things on her list and people enjoyed them. She said it's a good list. Howard said she does this thing on Instagram where she shows off all of her affluence. He said that he loves it but she shouldn't be doing that. He said she sings a lot of what she says and he gets douche chills. He said he starts critiquing what she does. He said just get your own TV show and stop doing Instagram. He said he gets all worked up. He said he gets upset and his heart starts speeding up.
Howard said Oprah is wearing this white jogging outfit and singing about Lady Gaga. He said he gets upset about all of this. Robin said they used to tell people to just change the channel when they don't like the show. She said Howard should stop. Howard said he can't. He talked more about what Oprah does on her Instagram. He said he knows she's eating the whole thing when she says she's not going to eat the whole portion.
Howard said he puts in so much time watching Oprah. Robin said it has to be a bunch of rich people watching her like Howard is. Howard said he's very busy critiquing her life. He said she gets him riled up.
Howard said his wife asks why he watches and he's not sure. He said he has to see what she's up to. He said he has to see who is getting the invites to her parties. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said it's time for Robin to stop singing. He said once she starts she can't stop. He did another live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's been thinking a lot about them and how they can continue on in the future. He said he doesn't want to give up the radio show but he may have to make it a shorter show. He said maybe 3 hours instead of 4. Robin said she has no control over that. She said that's up to Jim Meyer and Scott Greenstein. Howard said when she was young a 4 hour show was nothing.
Howard said they ran out of time today to get to everything. He said tomorrow Alec Baldwin will be in.
Howard said he was watching the whole coverage of killing that general Qasem Soleimani. He said he had never even heard of the guy. He said he thinks it was a bonehead blunder taking that guy out. He said he thought we were on a good course with Iran. He said the nuclear plan was a good one. Robin said Trump had already pulled out of that. Howard said we were trying to work with them in any way possible. He said this guy was good at killing ISIS but also at killing Americans. He said they were trying to win the hearts of the people but then this happens. He said it has united the Iranians and we are now at war with Iran. He said he's not sure what will happen but he thinks they're going to retaliate and Trump will lose it. He said they're all fired up and backing this Ayatollah.
Howard said Donald fucked a porn star without a condom so he's not sure how well thought out he is. He said he believes that this is going to be considered a very bad move. He said if you go to war with Iran you have to consult with the rest of your government. He said he knows there's a kook running England now but he's not even on Donald's side. Howard said he knows nothing about anything but radio and Imus.
Howard said if he's wrong you can call him up and tell him. He said we're at war already though so this isn't good.
Robin said she watched a documentary on this guy Roy Cohen who was a bully and Donald looked up this guy. Howard said they claim that this Qasem Soleimani guy had some big plan to kill Americans.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is so wrong about this. He said this guy was in Iraq plotting another attack and they found him. Howard said no one has seen any evidence so how does he know that? Howard said there will be revenge coming from Iran. The caller said this was the fourth provocation from Iran and Trump did something about it. Howard said he prays to god that nothing will come from it. The caller said Trump doesn't want war. Howard said he wants peace. He said he hopes it was a good decision.
Howard said Brent knows about all of this. He had him come in to talk about it. Brent said bottom line is that guy was a bad guy. Howard said they all know that. Brent said strategically it was a bad move. He explained to Howard why he thinks that way. He said he was a hero to a lot of people over in that area and he united a lot of people. Howard asked if he thinks Trump was on the golf course and he just wanted to show how tough he is. Brent said they were taunting him on Twitter so it could have been the Twitter war that led to this. Howard asked if he really thinks that. Brent said he thinks that could be part of it. Howard asked how they're going to strike back. Brent said they're going to do asymmetrical attacks.
Sal came in and said he has an opinion about this. He said he didn't hear of Osama bin Laden before 9/11. Sal said after Saddam was killed nothing happened. Howard said this is entire country saying they're going to retaliate. He said this isn't bin Laden. Howard told Sal to get out of there. Sal said he doesn't agree with the way Trump did it. He said he should have consulted with our allies and all of that. He said it's possible that he stopped another 9/11 from happening.
Howard took a call from fake Janine Pirro who was telling him that he has to agree with Sal. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her.
Howard said he thinks this was a big bone head move. Brent said back in the 80s Ronald Regan let Iraq and Iran go at each other and didn't get us involved. Fred played a bunch of Sal clips where he pronounced words wrong.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Trump may have done this so they can't remove him from office. She said if we're engaged in an act of war then you can't remove the commander in chief. Brent said there's nothing about that in the Constitution. Gary said that guy can't be right. Howard said this guy is actually a girl. Gary asked about that and Brent started to explain but Howard cut him off. Howard said they have to get to some news.
Robin read a story about Paul Shaffer having a show where he talks to song writers. Robin said the show is there at Sirius. She said she heard one of his shows where he spoke to Joe Walsh and she almost crashed her car when she heard the song that Joe sang at Glen Frey's funeral. Robin had some audio of Joe singing. Howard asked when Robin is going to write a song about him. Robin said she'll just do this song. Robin said that was a beautiful song.
Robin read a story about the fires in Australia and said that Joaquin Phoenix encouraged the golden globes to have a Vegan menu. Robin said Joaquin isn't the only one doing things for the planet. Robin said there's also an Instagram model doing things. Howard said he doesn't think you can be a model on Instagram. He said you're not being paid to be a model on there. He said he knows that you're not a model if you're a social media model. Howard said he's considered an Instagram brain surgeon. Robin said this model claims she raised $500,000. Howard said he's on her side but this idea that everyone is a model is ridiculous. He said the profession is being maligned. Robin said this model is giving the money to Australia and she's going to give nude photos to everyone donated a certain amount.
Robin read a story about Pope Francis saying that people are worshiping false gods like consumerism, pleasure, success and self. Howard asked what's wrong with success and pleasure. He asked if they're so bad. He said he likes a little pleasure. Robin read more about what the pope was saying.
Robin read a story about Alex Trebek still going out and doing appearances with his wife while suffering from pancreatic cancer. Robin said he has lost his hair and he wears a wig to cover up his head. Robin said he claims he has rehearsed his final show and he doesn't know what the future may bring but he's going to fight it as long as he can. Robin had some audio of Alex talking about what his last show will be like. Howard said the last host of Jeopardy was Art Fleming and Alex took over from him. He said Alex is really good at it.
Howard said they have to get someone like Drew Carey to host it. He said he hadn't seen the Price is Right in a long time and saw it recently. He said Drew really lost a lot of weight. He said he looks like someone put a pin in him. Howard said they have male models showing the prizes on The Price is Right now. He said he didn't like that. He said it used to be so good when it was women. He said now they have dudes. He doesn't like it. He said he yearns for the good ol' days. He said he's old fashioned that way. Howard said that's not a good thing. He said if one of his daughters married a male model who points to prizes he'd be upset. He said porn takes more skill. Howard said they're not even that hot. He said they used to have models throwing beach balls to each other when you won a vacation. He said now it's a big, hairy dude. Howard said the only thing lower than pointing at things on The Price is Right is being The Bachelor. Robin said she thinks the Bachelor is one step above. Howard said she might be right. He said he's seen the first episodes of The Bachelor and you have to watch. He said they women are really hot.
Howard said he heard there's a bachelor fantasy league. He asked JD if he's getting into that. JD said he's not sure what's involved in that. Howard said he thinks he knows who will win. He told Robin he jerked off to lesbian porn last night. He said he didn't last long. He said this girl put her hand over the other girl's vagina and he was done.
Robin read a story about a radio news guy who said something on the air that got him into trouble. She had Howard play the clip of the guy saying maybe a school shooting would get Trump out of the news for a day. Howard said the guy doesn't say his name very clearly. He played it a couple of times. He said that's pretty out there to say that. Robin said they say his comment came after the station was accused of having a staffer who is a Nazi. JD said he just saw the show got canceled. Howard said he'd like to meet the station that would keep him on.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the video of the church shooting where the guy took down the shooter. Howard said that guy is a well prepared guy. He said he owns a shooting range. Howard said that guy was really good and put that shooter down. He said he's good because he practices. Robin looked up the guy's name which was Jack Wilson. Robin said he says he never thought he'd have to take down a man. Robin had some audio of Jack commenting on the whole thing. Howard said the guy was prepared and knew what to do. He said the shooting was over in 6 seconds. The caller said he took him down with one shot to the head. The caller said he thinks he's going to get a gun after hearing that story. Howard asked if there's video of it. The caller said he saw it and there were two people shot and then you see the shooter going down. Howard said that was a great story. He let the caller go.
Robin read a story about Whitney Cummings saying that an intern turned her in for saying Merry Christmas. Robin had some audio of Whitney talking about that on Conan O'Brien's show. Howard said think about how unsuccessful you'll be if you do something like that. He said that person is doomed. He said shut the fuck up and learn something. Get to work. He said you're not doing enough if that's what you're upset about.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden having an incident where he was confronted by hecklers chanting some things at him. Robin had some audio from the event. The hecklers were calling him a pervert and ''Quid Pro Joe.''
Robin read a story about the Patriots losing their game over the weekend so they won't be going to the Super Bowl. Howard said Richard Christy won the fantasy football league they have there. He said he'll have more on that tomorrow. Robin had some audio of Tom Brady talking about the loss and how he wants to keep playing but he doesn't have a contract with the Patriots next season.
Robin read a story about Whitney Houston's daughter's ex-fiancee dying of an overdose recently. Robin said Whitney is dead, her daughter is dead and her ex is dead.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein's trial starting this week in New York. She had some details about that.
Robin said one of the things she did was see the new Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker over vacation. She said she loved it. Howard said he kind of zoned out on Star Wars. He said he's not sure where he is in the saga. Robin said a lot of people were saying you can't please everyone. She said she found it perfect and they hit the right note at ever moment. She said they brought Princess Leia back to us in this movie and it worked or her. She said she hasn't seen it used that well for the most part. She said it was heart warming and it reminded you of the great moments and great time with this 30 year experience. Howard said he's not caught up with the whole thing. Robin said that was probably one of the best out of the whole series that she has seen. Robin said that was number 1 at the box office and Jumanji came in at number 2. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how much they have to talk about today. He said he's not sure what to do. He said everyone is telling him to watch the movie that's in Chinese. He asked Gary what it's called. Gary said it's Parasite. Howard said he gets the screeners for the Screen Actor's Guild so he has it. He said he started watching the trailer and it's all in Chinese. He said it's all subtitles. He said he told his wife and she went on to look it up on Google. He said she didn't want to watch it so he never got to see it. He said Gary says it's fantastic. Howard said he's not a fan of subtitles. He said he'll put up with the dubbed movies but not reading. He said he doesn't want to read a movie. Gary said you get over it quickly and he really thinks Howard will like it.
Howard said he heard it's like that movie ''Get Out.'' Robin said she might put up with it if it's a horror film. Howard said just give him The Bachelor.
Robin said she watched the trailer for 1917. Howard said he thinks he could watch that. He said he's not sure he wants to though. He said he has a friend who is a director and he told him that's the movie to watch. He said they did it all in one take and it's really good. He asked if it's good and he said it really is. He said it's really something from an art standpoint too.
Howard said his buddy Pat told him that the new Star Wars was the best next to the original. He said between Pat and Robin he might have to go see it. He asked if they have any puppets and stuff like that. Robin said there's no Yoda or anything like that. Howard said he kind of zoned out of the whole thing and he doesn't want to see Baby Yoda or anything. He said it's like Superman when they had 50 different alternate realities. Robin said she was watching something with a bunch of different earths. She said it was really good though. Howard said he doesn't like that.
Jon told Howard that The Mandalorian is actually really good. Howard said he has Disney+ so he could see that. Jon said that Jon Favreau directed and wrote some of the episodes. Howard said he likes Jon. He said he might have to check that out. Jon told Robin that Rise of Skywalker wasn't that great either. Robin said that Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi weren't that great. Howard said Empire Strikes Back was great. Robin said she'll have to go back and watch. Howard said hearing them arguing about this is too much.
Howard said he laid in bed and watched the Golden Globes last night. He said he really enjoyed it. He said he hadn't seen it when he was putting it down yesterday. He said he thought as far as award shows go they did a pretty good job with it. Howard said he liked Ricky Gervais. He said he was moved by Tom Hanks' speech. He said people said it was long and boring. He said it was pretty interesting to him.
Howard said he enjoyed looking at people. He said he thought Marriage Story should have gotten more awards. He said he liked Joaquin Phoenix and what he had to say. Robin said he's kind of unfathomable. She said you can't figure him out. Howard said she's right. He said you can't tell if he's crazy or not. He said you just don't know.
Howard said he can relate to what Tom Hanks was saying since he made a movie. He said he was talking about how you have to get your shit together when you're on the set. He said Ivan Reitman had to drag him into a room and lecture him to get his shit together. He said Betty Thomas talked him down after that.
Howard said he liked the Golden Globes. He said he liked seeing the guys from The Irishman there. He said it was great seeing De Niro sitting there and looking angry with everyone. Robin said he smiles for Martin Scorsese but no one else. Howard said it looked De Niro wanted to go bop Joaquin Phoenix on the head when he was making his speech.
Howard said he did enjoy the show. Robin said there were a lot of things written about Ricky Gervais disappearing during the show. Howard said they have to move the show along to get to local news.
Howard said he was in the elevator coming up this morning and this guy Keith was talking about getting snow on Wednesday. He said it's going to be like 61 degrees over the weekend. He said this guy Keith is a better weather man than the weather people are on TV. Howard said he told Ronnie they should get Keith in there to do the weather every day. He said he gave him a great forecast. He said it's simple and that's all he wants. Robin said Captain Dennis does that for her.
Howard said he thought that Marriage Story should have gotten more awards. Robin said she's a fan of Adam Driver. Howard said he pulls for him because he was in the military. He said en watched the whole show and had to go on the air and say that he enjoyed it. He said he's rarely positive about anything. He said Quentin Tarantino had a great speech.
Howard said Joan Rivers started the red carpet interview thing and it was fun with her. He said he's not sure what's happened to that. He said she had such a charm and wit. He said he's not in a position to knock Ryan Seacrest. He said the red carpet thing has become very tedious and not fun. He said someone said he should be doing it because he'd do it like Joan.
Robin said that would be a lot of preparation for one night. Howard said his friend is in show business and told him he should be the one. He said he just doesn't have the time. He said everyone has bought into that Ryan Seacrest and that Juliana Rancic.
Howard said people look terrible in the dresses they wear to those shows. He said even the tittie dresses aren't flattering. He said J-Lo is a beautiful woman but she had so much material in her dress. He said it's like they're making them look like clowns. Robin said they want to get them into the newspaper and magazines. Robin said they go for bizarre outfits that don't look so good.
Howard said he loves being home. He said he got to the beach and it was hot. He said he got bitten by a mosquito. He said they're super slow and just wait for you to kill them. He said they must just want to get out of there and to the United States.
Howard said there was a woman there explaining things to them and he gets there and he feels a mosquito bite him. He said he has blood all over his hands from smashing it. He said this thing was huge. He said it's like sharing a needle with someone. He said it was weird.
Howard said he doesn't lay in the sun anymore. He said his dermatologist told him not to. Then another doctor tells him to get sun so he has vitamin D. He said his dermatologist is telling him not to get sun and this other doctor is telling him to get sun. He said he doesn't want to lay in the sun.
Howard said he went to take a shower down there and his shower at home is so much better. He said he's supposed to be having a better experience down there. He said the room was kind of damp and his clothes felt muggy. He said the sheets felt wet. He said it was humid in the room. He said it was strange. He said he asked the Mexican people if he could close the windows and turn on the air conditioning. He said they were saying ''fresh air, fresh air.'' He said the windows are wide open and mosquitos are coming in.
Howard said Jimmy wanted to go to some house that Pablo Escobar used to drink at. He said he was thinking about going out to this place and then going to dinner at 8 at night. He said they were driving to this house and there's so much traffic. He said there's one road in and one out. He said it's all tourists there. He said he just wanted go to bed. He said that house was really nice. He said he wanted to eat dinner there but Jimmy wanted to go somewhere else to eat. He said they had to take 3 cars and they had this caravan of people.
Howard said he wanted to be Fun Howard down there. He said he and Beth had their own car. He said they had to get back into the car and go to this other place to eat. He said they get there and sit down and the food is good but they have the best food in Manhattan. He said they have better Mexican food there than they do in Mexico.
Howard said he got to talk to Jimmy and he loves his wife Molly. He said Beth loves Molly too. He said he's not sure if he should mention the other people who were there. He said there were others. He said they were nice too.
Howard said he was acting like he was having fun there. He said he doesn't drink and everyone else was. He said he doesn't miss it that much but everyone else was drinking before dinner. He said there were two other guys who weren't drinking so that was good. He said one other guy was paranoid about germs like him so they were using hand sanitizer together.
Howard said it's great when he's with Jimmy and Molly. He said they understand each other. He said he wants to be fun so he tries to imitate guys who have fun. He said Beth looked good in her bathing suit so he put a picture of her up on the internet. He said the DailyMail picked it up and had a story about it. He said she just looked really good. He said it was right off his iPhone. He said they put it up because Beth is looking for stuff to put up. Howard said all of the news picked it up. He said he just took the picture. He said Beth looked great and then he gets bashed. He said he read some comments on the DailyMail. He said they were saying she looks really good but she's married to that ugly fuck. He said then people were saying she must have married him for his money. He said it was like the headline was ''A Monster Catches Hot Chick.'' Howard said it was like he was getting hit over the head with a hammer. He said it was a 10 marries a 3.
Howard said Oprah was talking about eating truffles. He said she shouldn't be bragging about it. He said she's on weight watchers and she's not losing weight. He said it's all bullshit. Robin said if you put it out there then people get to comment. Howard said he doesn't know why they have to comment on him when he just took the picture. He said give him a break.
Howard said he should stay on time and take a break. He said he hates taking breaks. He said he's in a groove now and he knows what he wants to do.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Howard is so spoiled. Robin asked what's wrong with his connection. Howard said he always has a problem. King picked up and got off of whatever he was using. Howard asked what else he has to say. King said he can't expect to go to a place like Mexico and have it like home. Howard said he is a married man and he likes to make his wife happy. He said he's just sharing with him how annoyed he is with everything. King asked if she senses that he's annoyed too. Howard said she came home a day early. King laughed. Howard said it's enough with him. He said that's part of his charm and that's why Beth is attracted to him.
Howard said he and Jimmy sat on a couch and just hung out talking while Beth was shopping. He said that was it. He said he was great. He said he's not sure what all the carrying on is. He said he's terrific. He said just because he had the Mexican people board up his windows doesn't mean he's horrible. Howard said he has to get to more stuff after the break. He said he's ready for Alec Baldwin to come in too.
Howard said he felt weird yesterday talking about Imus after he had passed. Howard said Imus hired Karith because he wanted to show he wasn't racist. Howard said people thought he had Robin for that too but it had nothing to do with that. He said he had this woman who told him that she had someone in mind for him and he got on the phone with her not knowing if she was black or white. Howard said he had a conversation with Robin and he loved talking to her so he said he was in. He said she showed up and he had no idea she was black.
Karith told Howard they had some good days on the air together. She said some days he'd just snap and lose his mind. She said that it was surreal to her. She said Imus hated her because she didn't back down or quit when he'd go off on her. She said he got more mean the more she kept her head up. She said she wasn't on to bash him.
Howard said Imus had that cancer ranch and he did seem to help some people. Howard asked Karith if she ever went there. She said she did go there. She said it was a legit deal. She said that it was all true.
Karith told Howard that Imus had a gun that he pulled on her one time. She said she is a Texas girl and she's never had a gun pulled on her. She said it was a nice gun and it was a kind of joke thing he was doing. Howard said it sounds like a party.
Howard said he and Robin were talking about Imus over vacation and it was weird. Karith said he was complex. She said he was a human being and we're all fallible. She said everyone has an Imus in their life. She said people have to deal with bullies. She said you can't let them get to you.
Howard asked Karith what she's up to now. She said she travels a lot and she's in New York and Texas. She said that she has a new book coming out called You Can Be Perfect or You Can Be Happy. Howard let her go and went to break after that.
Howard said Imus was so proud of the way he could say WNBC. Howard played some of the audio of Sour Shoes doing his Imus impression for them. He did the voice and played his own music for the songs Imus would introduce. Howard played another clip where Sour Imus talked up a song and did his WNBC thing. Howard said his horrible legacy lives on. He said Sour has an incredible memory. He did Imus' ''How's your Donkey Kong'' line.
Howard said then Sour was calling with his creepy baby voice. Howard said he had excuses for why he missed the Hollyweird Squares game. He said Sour claimed he drove his car into a lake. He said he knows that's bullshit. He said the baby voice he can't deal with. He said he thinks he's a baby inside. Howard played the clip and Sour was explaining why he missed the game. He did his Jackie voice and Howard said he's fine with that. He said the baby voice is the creepiest one of all.
Howard said they're not sure what happened with Sour that day. He said they don't know if he really crashed his car or not. He played more of Sour talking about how he ran off the road and into a lake by a few feet. Sour said he worked on the car and put a new wheel bearing on and fixed his fender.
Howard said that was his excuse for not showing up that day. He said they sent him an Uber but he refused to leave his car behind. He said he wants the tow driver phone number. He said he wants to know if it was real or not.
Howard said they got a lot of positive feedback about the Imus stuff. He read through some of that and people were enjoying hearing them reminiscing about Imus.
Howard said for those people out there who say the show has changed, thank you. He said he wants it to continue to change.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call where they took Robin audio book clips and called into this internet radio show. Howard said this show is rated G but it's on the internet so he's not sure why. He played the call and Chris Wilding called in as a guy asking about Don Imus. He said his wife Robin and Imus had a work place affair. Chris had clips of Robin that they edited to make it sound like Imus had kissed her on the lips. It got more graphic as it went along and she talked about feeling something hard inside his pants. The host told her that this is a PG show and he can't go there. Robin clips kept going until the host hung up on her. Chris called back in and told the host that they had recorded a sexual encounter. He played that clip for the host and hung up after a few seconds of that clip. They went to break after that.
Howard said he saw Jon Bon Jovi and Dorothea. He said he had some chow with them. He said he's great. He said he loves that guy. He said he had a night. He said he and Jon got together. He said he's known him since he started his career. He said they went out to eat and then Paul McCartney showed up. He said he was like ''Whoa'' when he saw him. He said he asked what's up. He said Paul was asking Beth what's up with the cats and all of that. He said he didn't know what to do or say with Paul there. He said he sat down with a bunch of people. He said Paul told him he's coming on the show tomorrow. He said it was the day of their vacation starting though so he doesn't know if he showed up again.
Howard said Beth told him that Paul wanted to be interviewed again. Howard said he didn't mean it when he said it. He said when that guy starts talking he doesn't know what he's saying. He said that guy is like his hero. He said he told Beth the guy was just kidding around. Robin said he has said he wants to have a great, definitive interview with him. Howard said he wants Paul to come in with a guitar and piano and play songs.
Howard said Paul has so many great songs. Robin said he can't play them all. She said he'd have to pick.
Howard said he thought Paul was kidding. Robin said maybe Gary can make a friendly call.
Howard said Jon told him a great story about Paul but he's not sure if he should tell it. He said it might not be a big deal. He said Jon was telling him that he wrote a bunch of new songs and has a new album coming out. He said Jon was sitting in his house and asked Paul to come over and listen to what he has. He said Paul came right over and listened to the whole record with him. Howard said he should have Jon in to tell the whole story.
Howard said he really has to get Jon in there to tell the story. He said it's his story to tell. He said let him come in there. He said he'll come in there. Robin said of course he will. Howard said he never asks anyone to come in. He said he never puts people on the spot.
Howard said Paul said he'd be there the next day but they weren't going to be there. He said he'd have to be interviewed by Steve Nowicki or someone. He said Paul's wife was very nice to him too. He said he felt like he was in show biz.
Howard said that was that. Robin said that's amazing. Howard said it's amazing that anyone is nice to him. He said Paul seemed happy to see him. Robin said he's always had a good time when he comes in there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said one of the teachers from her kid's school went to Cabo with her family and the whole family came down with this Dengue fever. Howard said he remembers that being a problem back in the 70s. The caller said that the three family members are still sick after weeks. Howard said he smashed that big mosquito and he had blood all over him. He said Dengue fever might be how Beetlejuice was born.
Howard said he hears that Alec Baldwin is there. He said he should break and get to him. He said he can get to the other stuff after that.
Howard said he saw that the Pope had to smack a woman's hand to get her away from him when she grabbed him. Robin said she hasn't seen that yet so she'll have to find that. Howard said he got back down to reality and whacked her around a bit. He said he may have apologized. He said people are fucking assholes so he shouldn't have to. Gary said he says he's sorry he lost his cool. Howard said he will play some stuff after Alec leaves. He said he has some Ainsley Earhardt and Sean Hannity talking about him not having religion. He said he'll get to that later. He went to break after that.
Howard said Alec Baldwin is there. He said he's always a good guest. Howard said he's such a good looking man. He said they're both growing scruff. Alec said he's going to film a movie next week so that's what it's for. Alec said they're going to shoot the movie no matter what's going on. Howard asked if he has ever backed out of a movie because of the location being dangerous or whatever. Alec joked about the Dengue fever thing they talked about earlier. Alec said he's never backed out on a film he's started but he has backed out before they got into it.
Howard said he watched the Golden Globes and liked what Tom Hanks was saying about showing up on time. He said Alec always shows up on time. Alec said there was no traffic out there so he was there in like 5 minutes. Howard said after Christmas everyone disappears. He said then the traffic comes back. Alec said the number of cars is multiplied because of Lyft and Uber. He said he used to drive up to work in the Village and it would take an hour. Howard said it's like 10 blocks. Alec said his wife loves L.A. and she'd love to live there but everything is so spread out that they'd be in the car all day driving the kids around.
Howard asked if he's going to Puerto Rico in the middle of an earthquake to get away from the kids. Alec said he was in the room asking how bad the earthquake was. Howard said he's not sure how he's doing it.
Alec said when he was divorced the first time he had his daughter and he was crying on his bed. He said that was not his plan. He said he was praying for God to give him another chance to have another family. He said now he has 4 kids. He said he might have another. He said he has to have something to spend your money on. Howard said nothing bothers him. Alec said it does catch up to you. He said his son Leo is blonde and blue eyed and he wonders who his father is. He said he's ripped at 3 years old. He said he has that Tarzan body. He said they have this muscular build. He said he's not sure what he's going to do.
Alec said he's turning 62 in April and he has 4 kids. He said he's going to show up at graduation and he'll be the old man not hearing if they called their name.
Alec said he turned 30 and he was depressed. He said that's the end of your youth. He said he did bad things when he was in his 20s. He said he stopped in his 30s. He said then you work and get it done right and then you hit 40. He said he was elated when he hit 40. He said he was beginning to understand his work. He said he wasn't naturally talented but he was figuring it out. He said you figure out how to do things on camera. He said some people have the natural ability. He said Brando is one who did. Alec said Brando was able to figure it out. Howard said he likes to watch the old Dick Cavett interviews and he interviewed Brando and told him what acting is. He said it came to easy to him that it was just like being a human being.
Alec said he turned 40 and he was fine. Then he turned 50 and he didn't get out of bed for days. He said it hit him like a wall. He said he was depressed for a couple of months. He said he didn't want to be 50. Howard said he thinks this happens because everything is so appearance based when you're an actor. He said Alec is a good looking dude. Alec said he had his day back in the 80s. Howard said he would have blown him in Miami Blue. He said he was so good looking.
Howard asked if people would tell him he had movie star good looks when he was growing up. Alec said no because he didn't grow up in a world like that. He said that career wasn't even considered. Howard said he is a very handsome guy and he must have thought about it. Alec said you start acting and you kiss the girl and they say cut. He said then the girl keeps kissing you and then you have the idea. He said that's what happened back in the day.
Howard asked if he sizes up the other actors when that's going on. Alec said he would go to auditions years ago and you had your eye on these other actors. He said you'd be in a casting call for a baseball film and everyone you knew was out there. He said you figure that John Torturo is going to get the role.
Howard said he and his wife look for a movie and they look for someone attractive to watch. He said it does matter. Alec said you still need the talent. He told Howard about Elizabeth Taylor with another actor and how they were flawless when they were on film. He said they have to be good actors too. He said you root for them and if they don't have the talent then they might be like ''so what.''
Howard said there is only a handful of women who can be leading ladies. He said Julia Roberts is one. Alec said she's amazing. Howard said there are a lot of women who are great looking but they don't have that.
Howard asked Alec when he saw himself on the big screen what was it like. Alec said he doesn't like it. He said Adam Driver walked off a show because he didn't want to hear himself in something. Alec said he will go out to dinner and not watch his own movie. He said he if he goes to a premiere he'll go to dinner during the movie and then go to the party after.
Howard asked if he saw The Irishman. Alec said he did and he saw it in a theater. He said he knew that seeing them all together was the last time they'll ever see that. He said that there are so many moments with those guys that you remember. He said he called Joe Pesci to talk to him about that. Howard said he's kind of reclusive. Alec said a lot of guys like that are like that. He said he called Pesci and told him how great he was in that movie. He said Joe said ''Yeah, thanks Alex.''
Howard asked if he's acting or is he really that guy. Alec said he thinks he's a family man and a dad. He said he has a house in New Jersey and L.A. and he made a lot of choices because of his family.
Howard asked if Alec is learning from having his kids. Alec said he was asking someone the other day about how much of a performer the character is. He said you wonder who you're playing it with a lot of performing or perform like Robert Duvall without a line and just playing a quiet character.
Howard said he meets people and some of them aren't so dynamic. Alec asked why Howard is at that desk. Howard said he has no idea. Alec said he's a legend and he built this empire. He said he's not there because he's a little flower. He said he has to find that key you're playing in. He asked if the person feels afraid in the world or what. He said you look at the behavior of the character and think about what you're doing.
Howard said that's kind of how Pacino played the character in The Irishman. Alec demonstrated some different ways of playing the character.
Alec said Bruce Weber is working on a documentary on Robert Mitchum. He said the name of the movie is ''Nice Girls Don't Stay for Breakfast.'' He did his Robert Mitchum impression and talked about how great he is as an actor. He said he was a great actor and he knew how to make the most of what he had. He said Victor Mature was great that way too.
Howard asked what you do when you're working with someone and they're not doing a good job. Alec told a story about going to get his degree after he had dropped out. He said they told him to write a paper so he contacted Al Pacino while he was shooting Carlito's Way. He said he went there and got his interview and he got his degree. Howard said what's amazing is that he gave a shit about getting his degree. Alec said he wasn't sure how this career was going to be.
Alec said he went to visit Al Pacino and he was asleep after doing the movie all night. He said he had like 3-4 guys there and he had a house manager who brought them food. He said they were sitting around talking about theater and the old days. He said they were all Al's buddies. He said they were going on and on while he was waiting. He said then Al came out. He said he asked Al what you do when you're as gifted as you are and someone else isn't doing that well. He said Al said he doesn't get involved. He said he just says everyone in the business is talented. He said you're not in the business if you're not talented. Alec was doing his impression of Al while he told the story. He said Al told him that some people are more talented than others but they're all talented.
Howard said you don't want to be a dick about it. He asked if Alec has done that in his own career. Alec said he doesn't do that. Howard said he does a great Pacino voice. He asked if he does young and old Al. Alec did some of both versions. He did young Pacino and then the older one when his voice got deeper.
Alec said he worships those guys. He said it was tough working with Robert De Niro because you think about all of these things you've seen them in.
Howard said his wife had to tell him that Paul McCartney wanted to come on the show for another interview. He said he didn't hear it even though he said it to him. Alec said his wife tells him to go up to people and talk to them like anyone else. Alec said Paul is the most gracious guy. Howard said he was talking about the Pope earlier and how he got upset with someone grabbing his hand and not letting go. Howard said he pictures him with a big vat of hand sanitizer and washing up with that after a long day.
Alec said there was an article in 2010 about how the Beatles selling their catalog to Apple. He said they had a quote in the article that he wants to find for Howard. He read the quote about how the Beatles had sold 171 million albums in America alone. He said they called their catalog ''Cultural Gold.'' Alec said when you're around Paul he's the nicest guy in the world.
Howard said he had Robert Plant on the show and he didn't want to talk about Led Zeppelin. He said it was weird. He said he couldn't let go of it though. He said he just wanted to know everything about Led Zeppelin. He said Jimmy Page might be like Paul. Howard said Robert just wanted to talk about his album.
Howard asked if it's weird for him to talk to people and ask them to do something for him. He said he saw that he got roasted and he took a lot of hits. Alec said the only one who said verbatim everything that was handed to them was his daughter Ireland. He said she hit everything. He said she said every horrible thing about him that they told her to say.
Howard said he knows he did that roast for charity. He said he's so thin skinned he wouldn't be able to handle it. Alec said he didn't think Howard was thin skinned. Howard said he's so thin skinned. He said he can dish it out but not take it.
Alec said they wanted to do the roast like a This is Your Life. He said he can't express how much it meant to him that De Niro came and Clinton came. He said that you do Comedy Central and they have Spade and people like that chopping you up and frying you.
Howard asked if he's acting laughing on stage or is he really laughing. Alec said he was up there just waiting to get out of there. He said De Niro was next to him and they were about a half hour into it and he says ''It's long, very long.''
Howard asked if you feel guilty when he does that. Alec told a story about why he did the Comedy Central Roast. He said he took the money from that and gave it to Tony Bennett's charity.
Howard said De Niro took a lot of shit at that roast too. He said it was all over the place. He said he was a good sport about it. Alec said that this isn't what he's used to. Alec said he told De Niro that he'd do anything for him after he did that.
Howard said Nikki Glaser came on there after the roast and told them what jokes she didn't use. Howard said it was fantastic. He said Nikki told Alec that she's single and asked if he knows anyone. Alec told her not to date anyone on that side of the stage. It was De Niro and Caitlyn Jenner.
Alec said he was out in the Hamptons for the summer and he had to do promos for the roast show. He said they went to the West Hampton theater and shot them there. He said they had the one where he does the mock Master Class commercial. He said he did that and in the bit they had him in an improv thing and they had him delivering his wife Hilaria in 1984 in an emergency room.
Alec had his wife on his phone to say hello to Howard. Howard spent a little bit with her. Howard told Hilaria what they were just talking about and how she took a lot of hits in that roast too. Hilaria said he was difficult to deal with around that time.
Howard asked Hilaria if she worries that he's working so hard just to get out of the house to get away from the kids. Hilaria said he brings them everywhere. She said that he's very co-dependant. Howard said everyone wants to get near him so how do you keep the romance alive. Hilaria said that he once told her that she's his wife but also his girlfriend. She said that's kind of what she feels Howard and Beth are like.
Howard asked Hilaria if she ever thinks about how she's with the great Alec Baldwin. Alec said she's thinking about the kid crying in the other room so they have to hurry up.
Howard asked why there are no more Yoga shots on her Instagram. Hilaria said she'll bring that back for Howard.
Alec said that Woody Allen was asking her about her doing Yoga too. Howard asked if Alec gets hit on. Alec said Hilaria gets hit on all the time. Howard asked if men are hitting on her all the time. Hilaria said that she tells them not to do that in front of her husband.
Howard asked if it turns Alec on to hear her stories about men hitting on her. Alec said it's construction workers. Hilaria said she is a strong woman and she doesn't need any man to stand up for her. Alec said on that note... He said he can't believe she's laying on the bed in a fur coat. Howard said he wants less photos of her kids and more of her doing yoga on her Instagram. Howard asked if she's satisfied with her husband sexually. Hilaria said absolutely.
Howard asked Hilaria what Alec does in bed that no other man can do. Hilaria said that Alec is the only man she's ever been with. Alec said he told her he wanted a virgin so that's what she says. Alec had his wife say goodbye to Howard. They said goodbye and moved on.
Alec said he would walk down the street with her and they'd see her ex-boyfriend walking down the street. He said the guy was really ripped and perfect looking. Alec said he'd say hello and move along but the guy looked perfect.
Howard said maybe she set him up to meet people on the street. Alec said she was the yoga priestess in her neighborhood.
Howard said it must be tough for Alec because he's an angry guy. Alec said not anymore. He went to anger management. Alec asked if this is the Colbert Report because that's what he asked him when he went on his show.
Alec said if you punch someone with a closed fist in New York City you go to jail. He said you can get bailed out and go to trial. He said that's assault and they can send you to jail. He said his lawyer told him to plead guilty to what they accused him of. He said this was the guy who claimed he punched him. He said there's proof he didn't punch him. He said they asked him if he wanted to go through a trial or plead guilty to harassment. He said when he pleads guilty he's going to get sued civilly. He said he's suing him back for lying about punching him. He said the guy is suing him for physical injuries but he didn't punch him.
Robin asked when this happened. Alec said it as months and months ago. He said Sean Hannity is the dumbest fucking asshole and he was sitting here yapping about him being a violent offender. He said he stuck around because he knew he didn't do anything wrong. He could have driven off but he didn't.
Howard said he makes a good point about all of that. Alec asked if he has a bodyguard. Howard said of course. Alec asked if anyone has gotten close to him. Howard said of course. Alec said he did a show with Kenny Loggins once and he saw his daughter there. He said he told her some stories about women throwing keys and underwear on stage. He said she told him they still do that but the underwear is much larger now.
Alec said he didn't want to live that life of having a big limo. He said during the say he has a car and driver. Howard said the greatest thing to happen to him is that he doesn't have to take the subway anymore. He said they used to take the subway and people are nuts. Alec said they take the subway and the kids love it.
Howard said he's always told him that he should get a driver and a car. Alec said he has one. He said with the parking thing he was loading the car and his driver was in the company car. He said they were going to take a lot of stuff out to the house. He said they filled the car with all of this stuff. He said someone offered the spot to him and then this other guy sneaks into it.
Alec said that Howard's house is really nice and he has a beautiful home but it's full of cats. He said his house is a preschool. He said they have shit everywhere.
Howard asked how Caitlyn Jenner ended up at his roast. Alec said that the producers asked who they could get to come on the roast. He said he wanted to have whoever wanted to come. He said he loves Jeff Ross. Howard asked how he felt that Caitlyn was showing up. Alec said that his daughter went to school with Kylie Jenner. He said she was a goofy little kid. He said Bruce was a track coach for the kids up in the valley. He said he would get out of the car and his license plate say 10 EVENTS. He said he was very accomplished. He said with him he didn't see it coming. He said he never thought there was a Caitlyn inside Bruce. He said you didn't see any of that. Howard said he must have been shocked. Alec said he was floored. He said now he's happy when you're around her.
Howard asked if he was offended by anything anyone said to him. Alec said not at all. He said he knew they were going to shove the Empire State Building up his ass. He said the content didn't matter to him. He said Nikki blew him away. He said she was up there like a skeet shooter. He said he walked out of there wanting to work with her.
Howard said he has to ask him something. He asked what's going on with Saturday Night Live. He said he's always shocked that he shows up week after week. He said he knows he shot a couple of movies. Alec said he's only doing it once a month. He said they all agreed they had to cut back.
Howard asked Alec to get back to Saturday Night Live. Alec asked if he has someone who sits down with him and tells him what to do and not do. Howard said the person he goes to the most is his agent Don Buchwald. He said he has input with him. He said he will pay attention to what he says. Alec said he must be overwhelmed with offers. Howard said Don tells him what to turn down.
Alec said the week before the season premiere of Saturday Night Live he got a call from Lorne Michaels. Howard asked if he's a friend. Alec said he's friendly with him. He asked Howard who his best friend is. Howard said his wife. Alec said his wife is his best friend too.
Alec told Howard a story about a guy who offered him some cocaine when he was like 30 years old. He said this guy had so much disappointment in his eye. He said he asked if he was really one of those guys. Alec said he has a nose for people who want to go out drinking and then do more drinking. He said he doesn't want to do that. Howard asked if he misses drinking. Alec said sure.
Alec said he was one of those guys who went too far with the stuff when he did it. He said he ended up getting into CA. He said his drinking increased when he stopped doing coke. He said he would sit in a bar on Market Street. He said he still goes to meetings. He said he used to go 2-3 times a week. He said his whole social life was built around it so he had to do that. He said now his life is about his kids. He said he's never going to do that again.
Alec said the business is stressful. He said he did Motherless Brooklyn and Ed Norton directed it. He said the top 20 came out and Edward is nowhere on the list. Howard said he didn't know the movie came out. Alec said Ed had a lot going for him. He said he's a very gifted man. He said he knows how to put together a movie. He said he's multi-talented. He said they released the film and it gets a tepid response. He said some were really good but some were tepid. He said he loved the film. He said he has a supporting role in it but he liked the movie.
Alec said he worships Willem Dafoe. He said he was in it and so was Cannivale and all of these other great actors. Alec said he wanted to be in it so he agreed to do it. He said he thought that there were other films that were succeeding like Marriage Story. He said it's beautifully done. He said this film put Noah Baumbach in small group of directors like Woody Allen.
Howard asked Alec about Netflix and how everyone has it now. He said that they let you discover things. He said that's why Ed Norton went with them. Alec said he was with Warner. He said the Oscar ballots end tomorrow and he hopes the people listening won't forget the supporting cast in Motherless Brooklyn. He said he thinks it's beautifully done.
Alec said he won't knock other films but he sat down and took his voting very seriously. He said he sat down and watched and scanned them. He said he'll watch 20 minutes and if they don't hold his attention then he's out. Howard said Joker is wonderful. Alec said he was offered a part in that movie and he turned it down. He said he talked to Todd Phillips about it. He said he didn't see the movie. He said he was offered the role of the guy who punches him in the bathroom. Alec explained why he turned down the role. He said he made some suggestions to Todd and Todd didn't want to do it. He said the movie went on to make a lot of money.
Alec said he was blown away by Marriage Story. Howard said he's been divorced before so it hit close to home. He said that Scarlett Johansson was so good. Alec said he busts Colin Jost's balls every time he sees him. He said he asks how the fuck he ended up with her. Robin said Laura Dern was very good in it too. Alec said Ray Liotta was great in the movie too. He said he played the scariest character ever in his career.
Howard said Alec is saying that this movie Motherless Brooklyn has performances that are more nuanced. Alec said that's not it. He said Joker has someone who's looked at like a real artist and you're taking him and putting him into a movie that makes hundreds of millions of dollars. He said that is a very complex thing. He said good for them. He said Netflix is the thing that makes a ton of money. He said good for them too.
Alec told Howard that Ted Levine is a great actor in The Report. He said there are a lot of great actors out there. He said Robert Pattinson is phenomenal in The Lighthouse. He said that you just want to see them go higher and higher. He said Lighthouse was great. He said he loved Pesci in The Irishman. He said he was so good in it. He said then he watches Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. He said he was so happy Brad Pitt won an award for that. Alec asked if he has ever been on the show. Howard said never. He said he gave a great speech that night too. He said he was very authentic. Alec said he and his daughter Ireland were out at an award show and Brad Pitt was there. He said he introduced his daughter to Brad and Ireland didn't know what to say. He said she was pissing and shitting her pants and Brad was as nice as could be. Howard said he has those looks too when he meets women. He said it's so great.
Howard asked if he ever weighed in on this thing Scorsese said about Marvel movies. He said he thinks Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark in Iron Man was fantastic. Alec said that's not his thing. He said he'll watch one and the computer generated stuff isn't for him. He said horror and violence is more story driven. He said he doesn't think that Martin meant to condemn those movies. Howard said he said it wasn't cinema. Alec said it's just not for him.
Alec said he went to see Marty once and he went to this office where he was located and he had a room filled with guys. He said it was racks and racks of DVD and VHS cross transferring. He said he was digitizing all of that stuff. Howard said he's trying to save the old movies. Alec said he asked him what he watches. He said Marty said the movies he's watching were Afghani films. He was digitizing them all. He said it's like look at this guy and what he's doing.
Alec said he wants people to just scan the movies that you're told are the best films. He said he wants people to actually watch if they're voting on them. Alec said there are members in the academy who don't produce or write anymore but they still vote. He explained how this guy would move a block of votes by talking to these voters and tell them what to vote for.
Alec said he has a lot of fondness for the academy. He said he thinks they have to do something and taking the voting seriously is one step. He said he'll be watching a lot of these movies today so he can figure out how to vote. Howard asked if they should get rid of some of these older people who are still voting. Alec said no because they earned it.
Alec said it's a different world now because media is everywhere. He said when he was a kid they had to stand in line to get a ticket to see The Godfather. He said if that was sold out they'd go to another theater. He said his point is that you strained yourself to go to see this movie. He said now the content is all over the place like mints on a pillow.
Howard said he doesn't know how he makes time for Saturday Night Live. Alec said Lorne called him the week before the season premiere and he asked him not to make him keep doing this because the guy makes him sick. He said Lorne asked him to do it again and he agreed to do it once a month. He said if it's complicated he'll go in and rehearse it. He said they do rehearsals on Friday nights. He said he'll be in there at 2 in the afternoon on a Saturday getting ready for it. He said the show is better when he's not on it. He said the cold opening is great when they don't have Trump. He said it's all disgust with Trump when they write him into it. He said it can be very funny sometimes.
Howard asked if he's upset about the situation in Iran right now. Alec said he doesn't want to say anything right now. He said we used to have rules of engagement in war. He said if someone put a bomb in a bunker where Eisenhower was that's not cool. He said that's terrorism. He said to take out this guy the way he did is not our style. He said the problem is that with Trump he embodies a drunk in a bar picking a fight with everyone. He said we have lost some wars. He said we can't fight all over the world. Howard asked if we are at war with Iran now. Alec said he thinks we are. He said they whacked this guy like the Mafia. He said he doesn't think anything will happen over here. He said he could be wrong but he hopes not.
Alec said he's tired at his age to see these young people sent over there to fight and lose their lives. He said the government is run by these maniacs and the chasm between the two is what's wrong. He said McConnell doesn't give a shit. He said there's nothing you can do about it. He said the American people have lost control of their government.
Alec asked if Howard is going to invite him over to his house this summer. Howard said maybe. Alec said it's great to go over here. He said he must have someone who figures out who to sit next to the others. Howard said that's not how he works.
Alec said he was going to go out to dinner with someone and he asked them to go and they said they were going to Howard's for Dinner. He said he wasn't asked over. Howard said he'd have him over any time.
Howard said Alec has said a lot. Alec told Howard he's going to be doing a show called Dr. Death. He said he can't say much about that right now. He said they start shooting in March. Howard asked if he has to prep for that. Alec said he may go down to Dallas to talk to some people. Howard said he wants to get out of the house so bad they're going to go shoot it in Iran. Alec said NBC asked him not to say anything about it.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who told Alec to go watch the first Iron Man. He said it's worth it. Ralph asked if Netflix is being snubbed at the Golden Globes. Alec said the people who run that do it because they have to. He said he thinks they have a lot of difficult choices to make.
Howard said it seems like it's been 3 days since they spoke to Hilaria. Alec said he was supposed to be in court at 10. It was 10:10. Howard gave Alec a plug for the Dr. Death show that will be on NBC's streaming service ''Peacock.'' Alec asked everyone to vote for Motherless Brooklyn if you're in the Screen Actors Guild. Howard let Alec go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to thank them for that Iran conversation. He said he was in the Marines for 8 years. He said he and Alec had a great conversation about it. He said it wasn't smack talk and that's the way to do it. Howard said Alec is concerned for servicemen who might die over there. Robin said they're not taking the will of the people into consideration.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if he saw the Hollywood Reporter article with Betty Thomas. Howard said he did and he heard her interview too. He said Betty had a crush on Howard Stern. He said she was talking about the movie Private Parts which is like 25 years old now. He said she said when it came down to it she had this choice to make between Paul Giamatti and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Howard said that he didn't know that. He said he was in on the casting and he doesn't remember that. He said he did love Paul Giamatit's audition. He said Betty also thought they would have made a great couple. Robin said she was in a relationship though. Howard said so was he.
Howard said when they were making that movie he did fall in love with her. He said he means that in a non romantic way. He said making a movie is an experience. He said they were on the phone every day. He said they talked through every scene and it was a cosmic connection. He said it's the best he's ever had with someone for 4-5 months.
Apples asked if he ever thought about going to a hotel room with her or anything. Howard said it wasn't like that. He said he would love to see her. He said he's so fond if her. He said he's not sure if he'd get her in there now.
Howard said Betty did say some things that weren't his memory of the movie. He said she told a story about turning to him and telling him to show more honesty and he responded by saying ''Like admitting I eat baked potatoes in the bathroom?'' He said he doesn't remember ever saying anything like that. He said he never did that so he's not sure why he would.
Apples said he just lost his dog and that was tough. He said he's not sure how he can do the cat rescue thing. Howard said he loves dogs. He said he misses Bianca. He said he and his wife talk about Bianca all the time. He said she was the best. Howard told him to be prepared to be sad every day if he tattoos his dog's name on himself. He said he did that with Bianca.
Howard said he has this cat Walter that he told not to leave him because he couldn't take it. He said he asks him to skip a few meals because he's kind of overweight. He said Beth thinks he's nuts for talking to the cat like that.
Howard said Betty told a story about meeting with him and she hated him before she even met him. He said that she was waiting for him in the green room and they were doing something disgusting. He said then he walked in and shook her hand. He said she says he was shaking from being nervous. He said he doesn't remember that either but that was her story. He said that he knew that she had directed The Late Shift and she did such a good job with it. He said he did want her to direct the movie. He said he knew she was right for it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk but he wasn't on the line. Howard asked if he did something wrong. He figured it out and got Jeff on. Jeff said that was a good interview with Alec. Howard said he tells him to come in whenever he wants to. Robin said he does great impressions. She said she can do all of those voices he was doing. Howard said he does them off the air too. Robin said he was such a good looking guy and he didn't do much comedy at the beginning of his career. She wondered when he knew he was funny.
Jeff said that his brothers act as well but he doesn't think they should have followed in his footsteps. Howard said Stephen did pretty well. He said Daniel is a really good actor. He said Billy and Stephen had good careers too. Jeff said Alec is the best out of them all. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said they have a lot of great regular guests but Alec has to be the best. He said his attitude and openness is great. He said it's just great. He said he could have listened to another 2 hours. Howard said he could have sat there for more. He said he has had him to his house and he's even more loose there. He said he shuts up and lets him talk. He said it's endlessly fascinating.
Ralph said The Joker is so overrated and he was right about that. Howard asked who he thinks is going to win. Ralph said they don't know who is nominated. Ralph said not yet. He said that's what Alec was talking about.
Howard said Alec made a good point. He understands what he was saying about The Joker and how it's an over the top kind of thing. Howard said he loved that movie.
Howard let Ralph go and said he has to get out of there. He said he has a headache. Robin asked if he really does or does he just say that. Howard said he has a headache.
Robin started her news with a story about Donnie Wahlberg. Robin said he knows just what to do. Robin said Jenny McCarthy is his wife. She said they went out to an IHOP on New Years Eve. She said to wish their waiter Happy New Year they had a $78 tab and they tipped the guy $2020 for the new year. Robin said they say he once found a fan a kidney match. Howard said he can't even do that. He said that you'd have to do on your own. Howard jokingly said one time he blew Bobo but that's it.
Robin read a story about how Charmin has created a robot that delivers a fresh roll of toilet paper to the bathroom. Robin said it connects to a cell phone and you alert the RollBot to bring a new roll to you. She said they also revealed a sensor that lets you know if the bathroom is smelly before you go in. Howard said his doody isn't smelly lately. He said you can go right into the bathroom after he's been in there.
Robin read a story about Sara Gilbert and Linda Perry splitting up. She said they announced that over their break. Robin said the romance must have gone out of that relationship.
Howard said Beth didn't know that Kate McKinnon was a lesbian. He said she came out and said something about that on the air and Beth had no idea. Howard wondered what Sara and Linda do when they're alone. He said they must play with their titties for an hour. He said he has no interest in titties. He said he spends 5 seconds on them and moves on to the vagina. Robin had some audio of Sara talking about how she proposed to Linda.
Robin read a story about a reunion of Nirvana when Dave Grohl and Krist Novoselic performed together at a concert. Robin said Beck took over the singing duties. Robin said Violet Grohl also sang Heart Shaped Box. Howard said that's Dave's daughter. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said they need a better mix. Howard said he saw a documentary where Dave had Krist come in and play bass on a song he was making. He said it made him nostalgic.
Howard asked what broke up Sara and Linda. Robin said she thinks that Sara said she had to stop doing The Talk because she was doing that and the Roseanne show. Howard said he's guessing Sara has another man already. He said he wants Linda to come in there and tell them what they did in the bedroom together. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's seen a lot of news from Australia lately. He said the way they speak is very interesting. He said he was wondering why they decided to say a word a certain way. He said he has to find that clip and bring it in tomorrow. Robin said even the New Zealanders have a different sound too. Howard said they do.
Robin read a story about Pat Sajak being back on the job on Wheel of Fortune. Robin said they're still airing the shows with Vanna White hosting. Robin said they had Maggie Sajak step in to help out this week. Robin had some audio from that show. Howard asked if she's hot like Vanna. Robin said she is. She said she's 25 years old. Howard said Ralph watches the show a lot and he said Vanna is a train wreck as the host. Howard said he'll have to check out some of those episodes. He said he met Vanna White years ago. Robin said they had her on a show once when they were out in L.A. in one of those big rooms. She said she was very sweet. Howard said he appeared on Wheel of Fortune to promote something. He said Pat just disappeared and didn't even say hello. Robin said they did bust his balls pretty bad when he had his own talk show.
Robin read a story about JetBlue being carbon neutral on most domestic flights by sometime this year. Robin said they're the first of their kind to do that. Robin said when Greta Thunberg comes to visit she can actually fly JetBlue.
Robin read a story about the Olympics getting a new sport. She said that will be break dancing.
Robin read a story about how American workers are being moved out of the middle east after the killing of General Soleimani in Iran. Robin said they're waiting to see how Iran responds to that attack.
Robin read a story about people going to the Soleimani funeral and 40 died in the crush of crowds that showed up. Robin said almost 200 were injured. Robin had some music from the funeral for Howard to play. Howard said they hate their people so much over there that they can't even update their music. He said nothing has changed. Howard said everything would have been fine if they had never gotten oil. Robin said that or electronics. Robin said they were screaming about the United States and Israel during the funeral. Howard said this shows you how miserable they are over there. He said just listen to this shit they're listening to over there. He said they're so miserable and they have to find someone to blame for their misery. He said they don't have any porn or good music there. He said it's no wonder they want to kill us. He said this song sounds like a lot of whining to him. He said you know it was written on stone tablets. He said it was probably recorded in a cave. Howard continued to goof on the music for a few minutes. He had Fred play Robin singing over the song too. He had her singing like Yoko Ono. Howard said he hears this music and he runs for the hills. He said he has another hour of this stuff if Robin wants to hear it. He said it describes the bind we're in. He said the people are repressed and angry.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who wanted to duet with that song. Howard put her on and she screamed along with the song for a short time. Mariann said she loves him and there's so much to talk about. She was screaming so Howard hung up on her.
Robin read a story about President Trump saying that we're much safer after the death of Soleimani. He blamed Obama for not doing anything about him before. Trump said they had a shot and they took it. Robin said there are people who do have concerns for what might happen next. She had some clips for Howard to play.
Robin said she saw that Trump had dinner with Rush Limbaugh recently. She said that the President let something slip about Rush before his people were ready. Robin had some audio of Trump announcing that Rush has signed for 4 more years. Robin said don't tell him a secret. She said they weren't ready to announce. Howard said Rush has a great set up down there in Florida. He said he sits there blabbing away so why not renew. Howard said he looks like he lost a few pounds so maybe he's happier.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein starting his trial there in New York. Robin said they're picking a jury for the trial. Robin said while he was in court yesterday Los Angeles filed some charges against him. Robin had some audio of Rose McGowan thanking the victims for coming forward.
Robin read a story about Judge Judy being on a tour and she's talking about her love of Michael Bloomberg and why she's backing his run for President. Robin had some audio of her talking about Bloomberg. Howard said he's with her on all of that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he gets Christmas gifts. He said he just finished writing his thank you notes. He said he feels like he got Robin the best gift. He said it was personal and he was so proud of himself. Robin said she loves her gift. Howard said he painted her back yard for her. He said he went out and made cards of the painting. Robin said she was upset with herself because she hadn't split them between her places. She said they're all in one place. Howard said she can split them up. Robin said she's upset that she didn't. She said she went to go write and they're not there. Howard said this was a personal gift and he was proud of himself. He said he got her something else too. Robin said that was surprising.
Howard said he got a gift from Rick Dees. He said it was a $100 gift certificate to Dunkin Donuts. Robin said he sent one to Starbucks one time. She said he must move it around. Howard said he doesn't drink coffee. He said his parents love it though so they're going to get it. He said Rick sent it and he thought about how successful the guy was and how he had big ratings. He said he's not sure why he didn't have a longer career like Imus did. He said someone should grab him up and put him on the radio. He said he's very serviceable. He said he Googled him and he's 69 years old now. He said he hasn't been on radio for like 20 years. Robin said that sounds odd.
Howard said Ryan Seacrest took over his show. He said he should get a tape of Ryan's show to hear what he's up to. Robin said he plays music. Howard asked if he does comedy at all. Robin said he does something with other people on the show. She said he interviews music people too.
Howard said he wonders about the world of radio and why Rick isn't doing it anymore. He said he must have a lot of money if he's giving out $100 gift certificates like he got. He said he barely knows the guy. He said he had one conversation with him on a stage once. He said that's when Larry King interviewed them.
Howard said he got the gift though so thank you to Rick. He said he got him something but he's not sure where to send it. He said he should send him something. He said he's not sure if that's a goof gift. He said he should write him a note. Gary said it's not a goof gift. He said they all got gift certificates last year. He said he can get him an address.
Howard said he writes everyone a thank you note. He said even the guys there gave him stuff for his birthday and all of that. He said Fred made a donation to North Shore for his birthday. He said he writes everyone a personal note. He said he wanted to just send emails but that's not the right thing to do. He said his mother drilled it into him that he should write personal notes. Howard said he's not going to send a thank you note to everyone. He said he has to send email.
Howard said that Imus had a really long career. He said Rick Dees was more talented though. He said he was way more talented. Robin said Imus wasn't able to do what Rick did. Howard said Rick had a hit song. He said he did a lot of stuff and had characters like Imus. Howard saw that he has a podcast and an app. He said he thinks podcasts are bullshit but someone told him that Joe Rogan makes $30 million a year with his podcast. He said if that's true, way to go. He said he knows guys in terrestrial radio who aren't making $500,000. He said Kidd Chris is really talented and so is Bubba. He said Bubba had to sell his house. He said he's living in a van down by the river now. He said he's not getting 30 million. He said he's not in touch with Joe so he's not sure what he's making. Howard jokingly said Kidd Chris drives an Uber on the side.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he highlighted the wind chimes in Robin's back yard in the painting. Robin said it's a different house. Howard said this was the most difficult painting he ever had to do. He said he had to come through for Robin. He said that Captain Dennis character took a bunch of pictures of the back yard for him. He said he's a nice guy. He said he's very efficient. He said he asked him to take the pictures and didn't tell him why. He said the pictures were bad. Robin said he delegated that to someone else. Howard said it was very hard to do. He said he said do this guy Rick who taught him how to paint that there was no painting there. He said Rick told him there was so he went for it. He said he ended up doing a good job. He said it was a big challenge though.
Howard said he doesn't paint people's homes. He said it was really thoughtful. He said this proves that he is thoughtful. Robin agreed. Howard said he really wanted to come through for her. He said he made some stationary cards for her with that painting. He said that's it.
Howard said Robin rubs those cards on her ass chreaks. He said speaking of ass chreaks Ronnie isn't there this week. He said he went to Cancun. He said he has a group of guys that he hangs out with that have money. He said he told him he had to go to a wedding. He said when he met him he was driving people around in the limo and he made him full time there and started putting him on the air and he became a thing. He said one thing led to another and now he's got all of these friends. He said he thinks what's going on is the race car guys look at him like they got a Wack Packer from the show. He said they're laughing at him he thinks. He said he hopes that's not the case but he has that feeling.
Howard said Ronnie said he got invited to a wedding and he was wondering who he knows that invites him to that kind of thing. He said this is like the second wedding down there he's going to.
Howard said Ronnie is living the life and he kind of worries that the race car dudes are treating him like he's Beetlejuice. He said they're treating him like he's got an extra small head. He said he doesn't know these guys but they better not fuck with him too bad. He said he'd have to get involved if they do.
Robin asked when he's going to get after them. Howard said they hear him on the show and he thinks they get a kick out of him. He said he's heard things.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie was going to go down there even if Stephanie was sick. He said he heard that Ronnie is marrying the couple and he's officiating.
Howard said Ronnie isn't good at reading. He said you know he's there for entertainment. Howard said he has a clip of Ronnie reading. He had him reading the Mueller report. He doesn't read all that well. Howard played that and said he doesn't like that they're making him do that. He said he thinks he left out that he's doing that down there.
Howard said he'll get hurt and he'll have to clean up the mess. He said that's how it is with everything around there. He said he's a big boy and he can do what he wants. He played more of Ronnie trying to read. He said Beetlejuice is a better reader.
Howard said Ronnie got up during Bubba's wedding and yelled ''Lets fuck some whores!'' He said you know he's not appropriate at these things.
Robin asked when Ronnie left. Howard said Ronnie left this morning to go down there. He said he thinks Stephanie went too. He said she was really sick.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Ronnie should be able to go when he wants. Robin said he has a job there though. Howard said he's being top secret about the whole thing. He said that would be interesting if he had called in. Robin said at least he'd be contributing. Robin said they could have had this wedding any time.
Howard said he wanted to be an orphan so bad. He said they had a visiting day and his parents would come. He begged them to stop. He said they eventually did. He said he loved pretending that he didn't have parents.
Robin said she was locked up with her parents. She said they didn't want to send her away. Howard said she would have been safer in Iran. He said don't get him started with Iran. He said he got so fired up last night about that. He said he put on the news last night and he got so upset. He said he loves watching My 600 Pound Life. He said they had a 718 pound guy on the show. He said the show isn't long enough even though it's like 2 and a half hours long.
Howard said this guy Dr. Now will operate on these people. He said he walks in and says something and they have to put up translations. He said he loves watching that show. Robin said she will see it on and she'll pass right by it. Howard said they have such fat people on that show. He said this guy who operates on them looks like he has a store front kind of office. He said he looks like he's next to the Chuck-E-Cheese. He said he has a cattle scale in his office to weigh these people.
Howard said every show starts with them taking a shower. He said they have to have people lift their folds to get cleaned up. He said this guy was so fat that the fat has nowhere to go so it goes into your legs. He said they thought he had some kind of problem but it turned out it was just his fat. He said they had him take a shower and he gets so worn out from that he has to eat. He said they get someone to say they love him and they bring in a bag from a fast food place. He said they bring in soda and hot dogs with cheese and chili on it. He said they eat like 10 of them. He said it's fantastic. He said he loves it. Robin asked why he watches that.
Howard said Beth asks him why he watches it. He said he loves it. Robin said he's watching sad, sick people. Howard said he asked his mom if she watches that show. He said she doesn't watch that. He said his parents used to love watching that movie Fatso. He said they love to watch that kind of thing. He said his father likes to lecture people about what to eat.
Howard said it drove his father crazy that fat people wrote diet books. He said he'd scream about that stuff. Robin said maybe his father would love this show. Howard said he can't talk to him about it on the phone. He said he asks his mother and she doesn't know about it. He tells her about what the show is and she says she's not watching something depressing like that. He did his impression of his mother talking to him about that.
Howard said he'd tell his dad about how they have psychological problems and he'd still scream about them. He did his impression of his dad yelling about eating right. He said he has it all figured out. Robin said he's brilliant. Howard said he figured this show would be right up his alley if he could communicate with him.
Howard said they take this guy to go see Dr. Now and they stop at a fast food place to eat. He said he's getting one more fix like a drug addict. He said they get into the fast food place and he eats a ton of food. He said they're going to weigh the guy in but he's going to shit his pants from eating this shit. He said he stops the show to lecture his wife about this stuff. He said she just asks him to play the show.
Howard said the guy last night had to buy 3 seats to fit on the airplane. He said he had to fly down to see Dr. Now. He said the doctor asks him what he's eating. He said he tells the guy he's going to kill himself. He said Dr. Now is from Iran. He said he must have gone to medical school here in this country. He said this guy works on these people and he has a big cattle prod that he's using to get in there. He said he's never seen an operation like this. He said he takes out their stomach and shows how stretched out it is. He said they show it all.
Howard said the beauty of the show is that you don't know what happens to the people. He said some of them get on track but some gain weight. Robin said they don't show them a year later. Howard said he'd like to see that.
Howard said this guy has lost so much weight that they were going to remove 83 pounds of skin from the guy. He said you have to see this. Robin said this sounds disgusting to her. Howard said she has to watch. Robin said she wouldn't waste her time on a show like that.
Robin said there was a guy named Sean Milligan who was on that show and died at the age of 29. Howard said this show is so good. He said it's right up there with The Bachelor. He said that show drives him nuts. He said this guy they have on has fucked that Hanna B four times now. He said that he has nothing going on in his life other than this show. He said the girls on the show are all hot. He said the one who is going to win is a nurse. He said Jimmy Kimmel has some ability to pick the winners so they bet on the show. He said he thinks the nurse is going to win this season. Robin asked if she's blonde. Howard said yes.
Howard said last year on The Bachelor they had this woman who fucked Peter four times in the windmill. He said she must not have gotten fucked that well because she didn't pick him. He said maybe his balls smell. He said that's what women complain about. Howard said she ended up picking another guy who was there for the fame. Howard said this guy must have fished real fast if they did it four times.
Howard said this season the guy is the Bachelor and now this Hanna comes back on the show and cries about how she thinks she blew it. He said she's a demon. Robin said there's something wrong with her. Howard said you're damn right she is. He said she needs a psychiatrist.
Howard said that 600 Pound Life show is something. He said this guy weighed 718 pounds and managed to have a girlfriend. He said he got dumped after he fucked them and he was a bad lay. He said he knew it. He said this girl on The Bachelor is jealous because there are all of these women who are interested in this guy.
Howard said he had a girl come on to him in college and he couldn't figure it out. He said she told him that she saw him walking to class with a hot blonde and she thought he was dating her. He said it was just a friend named Rita. He said Dr. Lou dated her. He said this girl was trying to steal him away from Rita. He said he kind of kept it going. He said he'd tell her that she was very close to him. He kept it kind of vague.
Howard said about a week in the girl dumped his ass. He said he got to feel her titties but he never got to have sex with her. He said they were kind of intimate. He said he never saw her after that. He said she got away from him so fast after that. He said he never heard from her again when she found out that Rita wasn't his girlfriend.
Howard said his television is people who date and people who weigh over 600 pounds. He said he'd watch My 600 Pound Bachelor if it existed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that is a fantastic show. He said he was taken when he saw a woman being showered on her porch in front of her neighbors. Howard said they can show everything because it's all just rolls of fat covering everything.
Erik said he knows what he's talking about and understands. Erik said it helps him with his depression. Howard asked if he knows how many calories are in that pie. Erik said 600. Howard said he's close, it's 670. He asked how many it would be with 6 pies. Erik was going to try to do the math but Howard said they need the whole 4 hour show for that. Erik said 1300. Howard said if one is 670 then it's 4017 calories. Erik said ''Wow!'' He said that is a lot of calories.
Howard told Shuli he has to watch this 600 Pound Life show. Shuli said he does. He said that Erik was told he can't eat the way he used to or he'd get fat again. Howard said Dr. Now tells these people to eat less and they freak out when they're told to eat 1200 calories. He said they look like they're going to eat the piece of paper the guy hands them. Shuli said Erik isn't even trying. He said Erik got gout again and his knees are bothering him again. Howard said in some aspect that's a positive. He said he won't be able to fit in the car and won't be on the road. Shuli said he has a plan for that. He said he wants to trade in his car and get a Ford F150 truck. Erik said his driving has gotten better.
Shuli asked if he got pulled over coming to his show over the weekend. Erik said he got pulled over twice. He said he didn't get pulled over this weekend. Shuli said he heard he was tailgating a police officer. Erik said he did. Shuli said the Wack Packers all have to tell someone about this stuff. He said that's how he gets that information. Erik said he was going the same speed he was. Howard said you stay away from them. Erik said he was singling him out. Shuli asked if he knows what tailgating is. Erik said it's when you ride up someone's ass. Erik said he was singled out. Howard asked why his phone connection is so bad. Erik said he's white and he singled him out. Howard asked if he was a black cop. Erik said he was. Howard said that must be it. Howard said the guy was racial profiling. Erik said all of the truck drivers are over the speed limit and he pulls him over. Howard said everyone in Buffalo is white.
Erik said he has to take an online course to get better at driving. He said he had to do that to keep from losing his license. Shuli said he's going Thursday to pick up his new truck. Howard said if he gets that then he'll get into an accident and kill someone. Erik said he knows he has to slow down.
Howard asked if he told the cop that he knew he was pulling him over because he's white. Erik said no. Shuli said Erik just got his car back after he was involved in an accident. Howard asked what the F150 is going to cost him. Erik said it's about 30,000. He said he just has to pay about $200 a month.
Shuli asked what this last repair cost him. Erik said the insurance paid for it. He said he didn't have to pay for it. Howard said he's going to get his license pulled if he gets too many points on his license. Shuli said he thinks that he can just keep paying the tickets. He said he has more money than he knows what to do with.
Erik asked if he saw that thing that Harvey Weinstein had on his neck. Shuli said it was a fake picture of a dog cone on his neck. He said Erik thinks it's real. Howard said that wasn't real. Erik said he thought it was.
Howard took a call from a doctor who said she worked 20 years in an emergency room and she would see these obese people and they would find objects under their fat apron. She said she found a TV clicker in one person. Howard said they have these fat people with folds and all of that and they have a lot of room in there. The caller said they can use a broom handle to prop up the apron to make love. Howard said most of them can't do it because they're too fat.
Howard said that's Erik's future. He said they can get him a broomstick to hold up his folds. Erik asked if he can get on that show. Robin said he already had the surgery. Erik said he does a lot of walking after he parks his car. Howard said that's good.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she had weight loss surgery in 2016 and when she hears Erik on the show it annoys the hell out of her. She said he had to go through so much stuff to prepare for it. She said he gave it all up. Howard said it is maddening.
Shuli said Erik has to roll on his back to tie his shoes. Howard asked how much weight this caller lost. She said she lost about 100 pounds. She said she's down to 180 now. Howard said they say that only 5 percent of people keep the weight off. He said he thinks about how you can just go walk for 3 miles. He said he yells at the TV but they never hear him.
Erik said he has a plan for going to Florida soon. Shuli said he wants to have Bobo give him a driving test. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He said they know he's a bad driver already. Erik said he's learning how to do things the right way. He said he comes to a stop at a stop sign and waits to go now. Howard said he should have been doing that all along.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has an F150 and Erik is going to kill someone with that thing. He said it weighs like 5000 pounds. Fred said Erik has to have 12 points on his license already. Erik said they're being dismissed. He said he's taking the online defensive driving course. Fred said they're not dismissed, they're just reduced. Fred said he isn't going to get rid of them. Erik said his lawyer wrote a letter and got them dismissed.
Shuli asked why he wants a pick up truck anyway. Erik said it's easier for him to get in and out of. The caller said that Erik can run around with his fake gun down in Florida. He said they have a conceal carry permit down there.
Howard said he likes that Erik is driving and smoking a cigar at the same time. Shuli said he's up to 12-13 cigars a day. Erik said he smokes like 5 a day, not 13. Shuli said he has seen more than 5. Howard asked if he's still making money on Cameo. Erik said he is. Shuli said there are a lot up there if you go look at his account. He said he saw the numbers of videos he makes. He said you don't see it publicly but Erik had it on his screen. Howard asked how many it is. Erik said he doesn't want to say. Shuli said he wanted to jump out the window. He said it's insane how many. He said Erik doesn't hide it at all. He said he's living like a fucking king.
Erik said Mark the Bagger was at the show in Pennsylvania. He said Shuli let him announce a name and he got it wrong. Shuli said he's some story teller. He said he had Erik and Mark there in the green room. He said he brought Mark up to say something. He said his whole face was swollen and he's not sure why. Howard said he has tape of Mark talking to himself at the Hollyweird Squares game. He said Mark was really good. He said he was obsessed with Nikki Glaser. He said Mark likes to jerk off on his floor. He said he tried to pick Nikki up but that didn't work out too well.
Howard said Mark is singing to himself while Wendy was feeling up Katelyn. He played the clip and Mark was whispering to himself. He said this went on the whole time. Mark was whispering stuff and it wasn't clear what he was saying. Shuli said that's the last thing you hear before someone murders you.
Howard played another clip where Mark the Bagger was whispering a song to himself. Howard said he's not sure what song it is. He said he must be putting a spell on someone. He said he went home and had bad luck. Howard played more of the song and told Robin to name that tune. No one knew what it was.
Howard said that show was not easy to produce. He said they were all juggling the microphones for that game. He said this is Mark getting worked up over Nikki Glaser. He was whispering to himself ''Nice, nice...'' Howard said he was saying shit but he didn't hear him. He asked if he was more creepy than Lenny. Shuli said it has to be Mark now that he hears the whispering.
Howard said Mark was laughing too. He said he has a crazy laugh. He said he's like the Joker. He played another clip of Mark laughing at fake Alex Jones. Mark laughed and laughed. Howard said he loves him. Robin said he's like Robert De Niro from Cape Fear.
Shuli said Mark wants him to come to his place to do an embedded. He said he's not sure he wants to go. He said his buddy sent him a picture of his floor and it's gross. He said he doesn't know what it is. Robin said its got footprints in it. Howard said it's white and yellow. He said he has to figure that out. He said that might be the jizz. He said he's standing there jerking off and it must be around his shoes. He said it's like a Jackson Polack painting on his floor.
Erik said Shuli asked Mark to go up on stage... Shuli said he already told that story. He said he introduced Erik as Eric the Midget.
Erik said he tried to get Wolfie to come up on stage but he didn't want to get up there. Howard said most of the people there don't even know who he is. Howard said you don't tell the guy to come up if he doesn't want to. Howard said they went to a Siegfreid and Roy show and they asked them to come on stage. He said there was no way they were getting up there. He said they got two free drinks for being the King of Media. He said Robin was there with him and Artie.
Howard had Wolfie on the phone and asked why he didn't go on stage. Wolfie said that it was Shuli's show so he didn't do it. Howard asked if he was dying when he asked him to come up. Wolfie said he was in the way back of the room. Shuli said he wasn't looking to be part of anything. Erik said he thought it would be nice to come on stage to say a quick hello.
Howard asked Erik what he says when he's on stage. Erik said he says hello to the crowd and tells them what he did at Shuli's for Thanksgiving. Shuli said he told a story about yelling at his kids to clean up their room. He said he has to tag on something funny to get them to laugh. He said he has to do the heavy lifting.
Wolfie said he saw the home page for Cameo and he thought he saw the wrong decimal. He said it ruined his weekend when he found out how much he made. Shuli said he'll tell Howard off the air what he made. Wolfie said he'll kill himself when he finds out.
Erik said he did like 15 when he got to his hotel room. He said he does 15-25 a day. Shuli said he doesn't know why any of them are there. Howard said he has 6,500 reviews so that has to be $55,000 right there. Howard said Shuli and Wolfie know the number. Howard asked Erik to tell the number. Erik said no. Howard said Erik is ashamed of his wealth.
Gary asked Erik if he has someone who is helping him manage his money and paying his taxes. Erik said yes. Shuli said his tax guy is a guy he gives his receipts to. Gary said that doesn't mean he's doing what he has to do. Erik said he has an accountant and he gives him all of his W2's and 1099s.
Howard said Erik does the videos shirtless sometimes. Shuli said he will read whatever you ask him to. He said he got hired to do a poker tournament and Erik drove out to it. He said as a joke he said he was the massage girl and the players gave him $600 in tips. He said they were buying it for other people at the table. He said Erik would walk up and just start rubbing people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his son bought two of Erik's videos for Christmas. He said he fucked both of them up but that's what's funny about them. He said it was so disgusting but it was hysterical. He said he's going to keep making money if he keeps that up. He said his son got one from Michael Rapaport too.
Howard said he has Erik's accountant on the phone. He picked up and the guys were playing Beetlejuice audio clips as the accountant. They had Beetlejuice rambling about making money and how money talks bro.
Erik said Howard has to talk about Iran. Howard said it's a disaster. He said ever since we went there it's a disaster. He said they're doing it in Iraq even though they took out the guy in Iran. Howard said it's a mess. Erik said a plane crashed in Iran and everyone died in that crash. He said it had to be terrorism. Howard said he wants to know why he won't wear a shirt when he does his Cameo. Erik said some people ask for that. Erik said that he thinks we're going to war. He said this is a sick country. Robin asked what country. Erik told her not to be feeble minded.
Howard said he's not going to talk about it. Then he said he'll break it down. He said that he thought that some of the republican senators would say enough is enough. He said that when he tore up those accords with Iran it was a mistake. He said that blowing this guy up was a bad idea. He said the Iranians are on fire but the problem is that the timing is bad. He said he fears that the President was hanging out with the golfing pals and this was just a show off thing. He said it's got to stop. Robin said now he's fighting with people who are as juvenile as he is. Howard said the whole thing is bad. He said Donald isn't an expert in foreign affairs. He said even Iraq is pissed at us now. He said at the very least there's such a great way to go about things. He said you contact your allies and get everyone on board. He said that way they all know. He said this is insane. He said don't call him and tell him he's anti-Trump. He said they have to stop this guy and impeach him. He said he's not sure what's going on with this Lindsay Graham. Robin said he lets things slide like it's nothing. Howard said this whole thing is going to be one big pig fuck.
Howard said Donald is killing generals now. He said he used to run beauty pageants. He said he's got to stop. He said you can't cavalierly make decisions like this. He said the cast of characters around him are something. He said none of them give him confidence. He said he sees how other leaders are laughing at us. He said we've become an international joke. Robin said this could get everybody in a big mess. Howard said god bless our troops and he's sorry they have to be in this position. He said he wishes there was a draft so the young people would be up in arms. Robin said his children aren't over there. Howard said there is no plan and no policy. He said it just happened over the weekend from the golf resort. He said chicken hawks keep doing this shit. He said George Bush did the same thing. He said this is a fucking disaster.
Howard said this is a blight on our country. He said it's a big powder keg kind of situation. He said we were going to try to bring these people into civilization. He said the music over there is so depressing. Fred played some of that music they played yesterday during the news. Howard said Kim Jong Un is laughing his ass off at us right now.
Howard said he has a judge on the phone to tell Erik about his driving situation. Howard took the call and asked the guy when they're going to say enough is enough. The caller said that he will keep getting points and at 11 points he's going to get it taken away. He said at 6 points he'll get a fine. He went over the speeding ticket points and all of that. Howard asked Erik how many points he has now. Erik said he has no points because the tickets in Buffalo were dismissed. Robin asked if they are already or they will be. Erik said he's taking the defensive driving course so they're taken off. Howard said he may have more points than IQ points. The caller said this isn't the way it works. He said they may say they'll dismiss it but they usually only offer a reduction.
Shuli said he got two speeding tickets on one day so how do you defend that? Robin said they should throw the book at him over that. She said there is no money scare there.
The caller said he could get charged with services fraud for taking benefits and making all of this money. Shuli said he's going to end up in jail then.
Shuli did his Erik impression and talked to Howard like he was a judge. Howard played along with that for a minute.
Howard said what's crazy with the Iran thing is that Trump's own guys had to say that hey can't blow up the cultural sites after Trump made that threat. He wondered how we're not a laughing stock when he doesn't know the rules. He said this is the craziest thing he's ever seen. Robin said the Ayatollah said that was a slap in his face. Howard said he's very upset about this whole thing. He said if there was a draft it would look like the 60s now.
Erik said there's a movie he has to see this weekend. He said it's called Bombshell. Howard said that's with Charlize Theron. Erik said it looks like a great movie. Robin said she saw it the other day and she liked it. Howard said he has the DVD that he got in the mail. He said he's a voter so he got it.
Shuli asked if he's really going to get that F150 this week. Erik said he is. Howard said he has to go cover that.
Howard said he has to cover this and take more calls. He said he's gone an hour and 40 minutes already.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Erik won't have the features that he needs if he's buying a base model. He said that it's going to hydroplane because they're so light in the rear. Shuli said it's so long it might take out 2 or 3 cars. The caller said that he's going to lose his insurance company if he keeps getting into accidents.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine and said he's worried that the judge is going to let him off the hook. He said he'll see how feeble minded he is and let him off. Mike said he never thought that until today. Howard said he needs a Judge Judy to lay it out for him. Howard asked if Erik can even spell vehicle. Erik said ''VEI... VIE...'' Howard told him to just spell it and stop looking it up. Erik spelled it wrong. He spelled Google right when Shuli asked him to.
Howard said he has so many calls on this. He took one from Ralph who said he doesn't know what's going on with the government assistance but how does he get a loan? Howard said he's making crazy money with the Cameo. He asked if Erik is paying cash. Erik said he'd rather not say. Ralph said he just said he got a loan earlier. He asked how this idiot gets a loan. Howard said he's making money on Cameo.
Howard said he has to take a break. Shuli said he asked if he should get a dog. Howard said don't do that or he'll never be on the show again. He said nothing living. He said he can't have a fish. Shuli said they have a dog and Erik came over and the dog growled at him. He said the dog loves everyone. Fred played audio of Erik's dog Sadie growling at him while he was saying ''Stop it! Stop it!'' Howard said he had a cat that hated him so much it escaped from his apartment. Shuli said he had a turtle too. Erik said he had a frog too.
Howard said he doesn't want him having any animal in his apartment. He said he will never take his calls again if he gets a pet. He said that's it. He said he's putting his foot down. Erik said okay. Shuli said he'll find out if he does. Erik said he wants a Japanese fighting fish. Howard said no. He said he'll dry up everything if he gets a pet. Howard said it's all fun and games until he gets a pet.
Howard said killing someone with his truck is one thing but leave the animals alone. Erik said he has been driving a lot better. Howard said good for you for doing the thing you're supposed to. Howard said he has to stop this. It's been two hours already. He let Erik go. Howard said the audience is enabling him. He said it's their fault. Shuli said that's what he tells them at his shows.
Howard took a call from Bobo and asked if he makes that kind of money Erik makes. Bobo said not even close. Shuli said if he's making that kind of money he'd know about it. Bobo said he gets great reviews for his Cameos. Howard asked Bobo puppet about those. Fred did his Bobo impression talking about his awards. Shuli said he came to a show down in Florida and he sees Bobo hanging out in the hallway. He said he showed up late and didn't want to come in. He said the crowd wanted him to take his cap off when he did come in. Howard played some of Bobo's lame Cameo videos. Howard said he has diarrhea of the mouth. He said this video was 6 minutes long so they had to cut it down. They goofed on Bobo for a short time about that.
Bobo asked if he and Jimmy talked about their guest host Brie Larson while they were on vacation. He said she was so captivating. Howard said he didn't talk about that. Bobo said she was amazing. Howard said Jimmy was in no condition to talk about anything. He said he was surrounded by his kids. He said they don't talk about that stuff when they're together. Bobo said she was so captivating. He said he kept watching her over and over again. Shuli said he follows just about every cast member from General Hospital. Howard said he has to go. He let Bobo go and talked to Bobo puppet for a minute. Howard said he talked to Jimmy about manly things. He said he didn't talk about his show. They goofed on Bobo for a little longer. Howard said the callers are all steamed about Bobo.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to call him out on something. He said he has this fat fuck driving around. Howard said he has nothing to do with it. He said he's not buying Cameo. The caller said he draws the line at getting a fish. Howard said he likes animals better than people. He said he already said that. He said don't buy Cameo and all of the money will dry up. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he wanted to read some feedback about the Hollyweird Squares game. He went through some of the positive feedback he got about the game. He had a bunch of people commenting on that. He read some feedback about Nikki Glaser and how hot she is. Howard said people were moved by her appearance. He said people asked for more of her on the show. Howard said people wrote in about Ross Mathews too.
Howard said Brent and Katelyn were there and so was Jackhammer. He read some of that feedback. He had some about Wendy the Slow Adult too.
Howard said when they do the game they all have their own microphone and he's trying to control it with the guys in the back. He said Wendy breathes so loud that they have to turn her microphone down. He had an iso of her breathing that was really loud. He said she's drinking sodas too. He said then there's the coughing. He had a montage of Wendy's coughs.
Howard said you can imagine how hard it is to control all of the microphones with that going on. He had a clip where Wendy may have crapped her pants. She farted and probably shit her pants. She said ''Excuse me!'' Howard said that did sound wet. He played the farts again and slowed it down. He said that way you can hear how wet it is. He said her body is an active geyser. He said they love her though. He said he hopes she'll be okay. Robin said it just doesn't sound good.
Howard said Wendy had fun in the game. He said he has proof. He said she thought Alex Jones was funny. He played a clip of Wendy laughing at fake Alex Jones. Wendy laughed and coughed through that clip.
Howard said Wendy was having such a good time when Brent and Jackhammer were fighting. He played another clip of Wendy commenting on that conversation. She was laughing through that one too. Howard said she's their core audience. Howard said Wendy loves what they do. He said we're bringing joy.
Howard had to dump out of something the guy said about a woman when he gave her name. Howard asked what Dave is looking for. Dave said that women should just shut up and blow him like Mel Gibson said.
Howard said Dave sounds a bit effeminate. He asked if he is. Dave said he's been told that. Howard asked if he's into men. Dave said sometimes. Howard asked if he's really into guys. Dave said no he's not. Howard said stop the horse shit. He said he can tell he's blown a few guys. Dave said maybe. Howard hung up on him and said he doesn't know how real that guy was. He said getting laid is the greatest but he has so much anger. Howard said it has a lot to do with looks. He said he has to take another break. They went to break after that.
Howard said before he gets to the guys he has some more email. He said High Register Sean got some positive feedback. He read some email about him appearing on Hollyweird Squares. Howard said Mark the Bagger was a home run too. He read some feedback about Mark too. He said even Lenny Dykstra was liked by fans. He read some positive comments about Lenny. He said they may have to play again.
Howard said people wrote in about Sour Shoes and his excuse for not coming in. He said fake Alex Jones stepped in for him. He said he got a lot of email about fake Alex. He read a few comments about that bit.
Howard said he played some behind the scenes audio too. He said that was a lot to coordinate. He said he never gets any accolades. He said everyone else does.
Howard said Alec Baldwin was in yesterday. He read some feedback about that interview. Some people said he's the best guest ever.
Howard said people are upset with Memet about the gift he got for him. He read some feedback about the Imus toilet paper he got for Howard. Robin said she has to listen closer to Memet because he calls everyone a kiss ass but he might be one himself. Memet said that he makes it a point not to kiss ass there. He said he just got Howard a thoughtful gift.
Howard said Memet took a huge hit about his criticism of the staff party. He read some feedback about that. People were asking to take his spot at the party next year. People called him a whiny bore. Memet said he can't be a kiss ass and a whiny bore. The guys said you definitely can.
Howard said he got an email from Craig Fiegener who is a news man from California. He said he wrote in about how great his interview with Hillary Clinton was. He kept saying his last name and wasn't able to pronounce it.
Howard asked the guys about what they think about Ronnie going to Mexico. Jason said that he's pissed that he missed work for it. He said he's like a senior in high school and knows that he's graduating this year so he's taken his foot off the gas and he's just coasting.
Howard said he has the guys in there to talk about various stuff. He said Gary has the most shocking moments from 2019. Gary said they have some audio of Ronnie giving them a sexual revelation. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about how he had anal with a girl when he was 13 years old.
Gary said they also learned that John Stamos wanted to have sex with Robin and she turned him down. Howard played the clip from that moment. Gary said he spoke to John and he claims he doesn't recall that. Robin said she swears it happened.
Howard asked JD what he has. JD said they sent Wolfie out to interview some crazy people and he went to Fist Fest in 2019. He had an example of one of the interviews he did there. Howard played a clip of a guy talking about how much he can take up his ass. He also talked about his ass meat coming out. That's a prolapsed anus.
Howard said he didn't realize that was 2019. He asked Memet what he has for a shocking moment. Memet said he thought it would be good to find out who the Germiest staffer was. He said he swabbed a bunch of guys and it turned out Gary had this rare bacteria. Howard asked if they found out how that can be. Memet said it's still a mystery. Howard played the clip from the moment Gary found out about being the Germiest staffer.
Howard said he never did understand what it was that Gary had. Memet said it's a rare bacteria that makes you shoot diarrhea out. Gary said it was on his desk and not on his hands. Jason said Gary was scrubbing his desk before this went down. Gary said he always does.
Sal said Gary is a rare species of something. He said he had a deadly thing on his desk that no one else had.
Howard asked Sal what he has. Sal said the most recent shocking moment was when they weighed High Pitch Erik using Howard's books. He said they learned that Erik sent Chris Wilding a dick pic and then Chris touched Erik's dick in the studio. Howard played a clip from that moment on the show. Chris said it was hard when he felt it.
Howard said that was a shocking moment. He asked what Jason has. Jason said Sal was shocked when his sister did a DNA test and found out that they have another 2 siblings they didn't know about. Jason said he found out he has two half sisters he didn't know existed. Howard played a clip from the day Sal talked about finding out about the two siblings and telling his dad about it.
Howard asked what it is about his dad that makes him think that he's going to win the lottery just because he found out about these kids. The guys didn't know what that is. They said maybe he's a sociopath or something. Howard said his grandfather wasn't a great guy but his mother always made him out to be a nice guy. Gary said Sal does that with his dad.
Howard asked what's going on with Sal's family now. Jason said Sal met the second sister over the break. He said he had already met one before. Sal said there was a lot of crying going on. He said he was crying and so was she. He said his father met her at a diner before he met her. He said his dad brought her roses. He said his dad just answered with yes or no and told her that her mother was a nice lady.
Howard asked Sal why he cried. Sal said she missed out on his grandmother. He said she didn't know that the father she grew up with wasn't her father. He said that guy still doesn't know. He said they're trying to protect that man from this news. He said that's the last thing he needs to know.
Howard asked if there's more. Jason said there is. He said Sal's family continues to grow and another relative has been discovered. He said his uncle fathered this one. He said through the same DNA test they found a new cousin. He said his uncle Pat fathered a love child in a one night stand. Howard asked if he had to tell the whole family about that. Sal said he did. He said it was one big family reunion.
Gary asked what his sister expected to find. Sal said he has no idea. He said they ended up with more siblings and more of a mess. He said he feels bad for the people coming into his life. Howard asked Sal if he was attracted to his new sisters. Sal said no but his new cousin is cute. He said all of the girls are beautiful. He said they're all getting along very well. He said they've all been tortured by their father.
Jason said all of the new relatives want to be involved in the Governale family. Howard said that would be weird to find out. He said he'd be like fuck that guy. He said he wouldn't want to get involved. Sal said he doesn't even want the one he's got.
Gary asked what his mother says about this. Sal said they all love her and she loves them and feels bad for them. Gary said that's a shame.
Howard said Sal's dad is there via satellite. Steve Nowicki was doing his Sal's dad impression and talking about this new family he's finding out about. Howard said he had a lot of women and a lot of women fell for him. Mr. Governale mentioned all of the names of his kids. He rambled off a whole list of names that went on and on.
Mr. Governale asked Howard if he has 200 kids. Howard said he only has 3. Mr. Governale was talking about how he invented the calzone by folding and hitting a pizza on Sal's head. He said he feels so sad for his daughters that never worked at the pizzeria. He said he could have saved money on drivers.
Howard asked Mr. Governale about playing the numbers in the lottery and he did a bunch of Governale math to figure out the numbers.
Sal said his new half sister told him that she knows that his father spied on her at the supermarket. He said she saw him there.
Howard said it's good to see Sal's dad there. He asked if Sal has anything to say to him. Sal said no.
Jason said he heard that his dad doesn't have a will. Sal said they went to a party and his dad refused to give up his jacket like he was afraid it was going to get stolen. Howard said maybe he doesn't have that much to give to anyone when he does pass.
Howard thanked Mr. Governale for coming on the show. Howard let him go after he sang them a song.
Howard said he feels so sorry for Sal. Sal said there's no need. He said everything is fine. He said he has a half brother and another brother. Howard said everything he says is silly. Sal said he likes his new family. Howard said he doesn't love them. Sal said he adores them. He said they have been over for Christmas and he loves his nieces and nephews. He said they're all getting along great. He said he certainly doesn't hate them. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said they've heard that some listeners only get their news from the show. He said the panel is there to play their favorite moments from the news in 2019. Gary was up first with an R. Kelly clip where he was unhinged in an interview with Gayle King. Howard played the clip that Gary had pulled. Kelly was crying and yelling about his kids and things like that. Howard said they even made a song out of that. He played the song and said that's actually a good song. He said it sounds like Sal's dad's song.
Howard said they always say if you're up on big charges you have to act like that. He said he screamed and yelled and now they're making songs about it. Robin said she knows about this because Lifetime is doing their third series on Surviving R. Kelly.
Howard said Harvey Weinstein went into court with 2 cell phones and then pulled out a third. He said the judge was going to throw him out of the court room. Gary said the judge asked him if he wanted to spend the next 40 years reading a cell phone. He said Harvey took a breath and the judge said If I were you I wouldn't say another word.
Howard said that guy is still so arrogant after everything he's been through. Gary said Harvey thinks he's innocent and he'll be exonerated. Robin said he's going to jail.
Howard said he should go into court with a peg leg. Robin said he walks with that walker in a weird way. He puts it too far ahead of him and walks up to it. Howard said he doesn't use it right. He said he did lose weight though. Robin said he has had back surgery. She said he's not using it properly though.
Howard asked if there's any chance he's getting laid. Gary said OJ does. He said he can't imagine the woman who would fuck him. Robin said she did read that he was at some club where they were showcasing artists and he was with some actress there. Howard said he can't do a fucking thing for her now.
Howard asked Sal what he has for the greatest news moment of 2019. Sal said he has a drop that Fred has been using. He had him play the Greta Thunberg ''How dare you!'' drop. Sal said that's his favorite drop of the year. Howard asked if he'll use it in a phony phone call. Sal said he will. Howard said you could argue that the girl on Instagram and giving money to Australia is doing more for the world than Greta is. He said she asked for people to send her money and she'd give people nude photos. He said she has been doing it and that's really putting your mouth where your money is. Robin asked how you prove that she got $500,000. Jason said it's up to $700,000. Howard said her account is closed. He said they close you down for putting up nudes but Facebook won't take down the fake news ads.
Howard played more of the Greta Thunberg audio and said he has a call idea for Sal. He said have her call up his dad and have her as another daughter they just found out about.
Howard asked who's next. Memet said he's up. He said last year there were a ton of people in the presidential race and they had a President Trump impersonator call into the show to go through the candidates. Howard played the clip where fake Trump bad mouthed all of the candidates.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she has a favorite moment from 2019. She wasn't there. Howard eventually got her. Mariann screamed that her favorite part was something about him calling her down. Howard said he called her down on Jimmy Fallon's show. He said he did that. He forgot about that. Mariann said he always forgets about her. She said something about a phony phone call he did winning the call of the year. She asked if he got her Christmas card. Howard said he did. Mariann was screaming so Howard hung up on her.
Jason said he's up next. He said that fake Sarah Sanders called into the show to talk about what she said about Trump when she was interviewed for a religious show. Howard played the clip where fake Sarah was going on about how Trump was chosen by God to be President.
Howard said he forgot about that. He asked who is up next. Gary said he's up. He said Jeffrey Epstein was arrested and found dead in his jail cell. He said Alex Jones called in to talk about the conspiracy with him. Howard said this is their Alex Jones. He played the call they got from Alex where he was explaining what went on with George Soros and Epstein.
Howard said that was something. He said a lot has happened in 2019. He said maybe they'll continue this next week.
Howard took a call from Tan Mom who wished them a happy new year. Howard asked where she celebrated the new year. Tan Mom said she did that with her best friend. She said it was great. Howard said she must have been so sexy that night. He asked if she was almost nude. Robin said she wants to know where her marriage stands. Tan Mom said she'd rather not go there. She said she'd rather be happy. She said she was wearing bra and panties from Victoria's secret for New Years. Howard asked Sal if he heard that. Sal said he did. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard asked Robin what she has in the news. Robin asked what Howard has done for the fires in Australia. She read about the celebrities that are giving money to them. Howard asked where the money is going. Robin said they're helping the fire fighters since there are a lot of volunteers doing that work. Robin said they're not buying water. Robin said the Irwins have treated 90,000 animals so far. She said the animals get caught up in those disasters to. Howard said High Pitch Erik just donated $2 million.
Howard said he was happy to see Russell Crow win an award at the Golden Globes. He was at home helping to fight the fires down there.
Robin read a story about Kylie Jenner donating a million dollars to the efforts in Australia. Robin said she had people going after her after she wore a mink bikini and brought up how awful things are happening to the animals down there.
Robin said there were some showers and thunderstorms in Australia but they were starting more fires while the rain was helping to slow them.
Robin read a story about an earthquake down in Puerto Rico. Robin said they haven't seen anything like that in a long time. Howard said they were just getting themselves back in shape.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they're ever going to do a special realize of Private Parts with deleted scenes and stuff. Howard said no. He said he should do a new movie but he's too lazy. He said he's thinking of bringing it to Broadway. He said he could have his father screaming at him in song. He did his impression of his father going off on him but singing it like a Broadway musical of Private Parts might sound. He sang as his dad for a while and then as his mom. He said that's going to be some show. He said Robin won't even make it into the play. He said it'll only go as far as him living in a black neighborhood. He said the tickets will be very cheap. The caller said he has been off of work for 6 weeks and listening to the show has been great. Howard kept going with the musical and said his dad takes him in the back yard to play ball and he hits him in the nuts with the ball. Howard said each song is going to be 45 minutes long. He said the music will be great. He sang a song as his mom talking about going upstairs to kill herself. Howard said Wayne Brady will play the kid who beats him up every day. The caller asked who will play him. Howard said it's Lin Manuel Miranda. He said he plays little Howard. He said he does sell a lot of tickets. He said it's either him or Paul Giamatti. He said Dr. Lou is played by Tom Hanks. He said they'll win every award. The caller said they'll even win an Oscar. Howard said Patty Lupone will play his aunt. He said it's going to be very expensive to produce. He said Harvey Firestein will play his father. Robin said High Pitch Erik can be an investor. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard played the Iranian song parody for Robin again. Robin read a story about Don Imus. She said that there's a new revelation about him. She said this woman Janice Dean wrote a book and she had stories about working for Don Imus and then going to work for Roger Ailes at FOX News. Robin said she says some of the worst times in the business she had were with Imus. Robin said it should have been the best job on paper but it turns out it wasn't. Robin said Janice claims that Imus told her that she was an idiot and commented on her looks. Robin said he regularly carried a gun in the office and once held it to the back of the traffic reporter's head. She said he snickered after doing that. Robin said she claims sometimes he would take the bullets out and talk about which ones could go to which person there. Robin said he could have ended up in jail if he had kept that up. Howard asked what she did on the show. Robin said she was the traffic reporter. Robin said a family spokesperson claims that never happened but how would they know? Howard said it sounds like it was the best radio show but only off the air. Robin read about what Roger Ailes allegedly did to this woman too. Howard said the good news is after that she got a job at Miramax. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a person giving a tip of $2020 to someone. Robin said that Harry Styles did that with Adele and James Corden at dinner. Howard said he heard that she was out to dinner with them and they say that she lost a lot of weight. Robin said Harry Styles left a $2020 tip for a $400 bill. Howard said that's very nice. He said waiters don't make a lot of money so that's very nice.
Robin read a story about the Jeopardy championship starting. Robin said Ken Jennings won last night. Robin had some audio from the show for Howard to play. Robin said she watched it and Ken Jennings was very fast on the buzzer. Howard said if he had a life threatening disease like Alex Trebek he's not going to work. He said he just won't show up. He said if he were Robin he would have quit 2 years ago. He said he's happy she's there but there's no way he'd show up for work if he was dying. Howard said he's staying home. He said thank god Robin is crazy and kept showing up. Robin said Ken Jennings has won over $3 million playing Jeopardy. She said he decided to be a writer after that so that's what he's been doing since he won the first time.
Robin read a story about GLAAD giving an award to Taylor Swift. She said she's being honored for her work in the gay community. Robin said she thinks Howard has done more for gay rights than any other entertainer. She said one of his first shows on NBC was as a gay DJ. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein being in court. She said they're looking for a jury. Robin said they have new charges out in L.A. and they say that the jury was tainted but the judge threw that out.
Robin read a story about Charlie Rose going in for a deposition and he did admit that he acted inappropriately with co-workers. Robin said he said his nickname was Charlie Fuckin' Rose there at CBS. Robin said that Rose said he did have a romantic relationship with a woman that worked for him and now he understands that it's just not the right thing to do. Robin had some other details about what Charlie admitted to in the deposition.
Robin read a story about the writer of the book Prozac Nation has died. Robin said she had breast cancer and she never got tested for it. She said if she had been tested she could have had them removed and it would have saved her life. Howard said he was reading some story about a singer who sang the song in that Eskimo language, Inuit, dying. He said she was only 26. He said he read about that in the NY Times obituaries. He said he loves reading them in there. He said he found out about that and looked the song up. He said she committed suicide. Howard said she struggled with a lot of stuff. He said she had PTSD from something. He said he has PTSD too. He said he posts a picture of Beth in a bikini and people start bullying him.
Robin read a story about Michael Bloomberg buying a minute long commercial during the Super Bowl. Howard said he isn't even participating in the debates.
Robin read a story about how 1/3 of Trumps time in office has been spent at his properties. Howard said he used to make fun of Obama golfing and now he's doing the same thing. He said he saw Rush Limbaugh at Mar-A-Lago. He said Rush has some shit going on too. He said he's making a fortune. Howard said he thinks Bloomberg would be a great president. He said he was way efficient when he was mayor. Robin said Giuliani must have had a stroke based on what he's up to.
Robin read a story about President Trump calling the impeachment the greatest hoax in history. Robin asked if he knows what that word means.
Robin read a story about how 12 missiles were sent into Iraq aimed at U.S. and Iraqi troops are housed. Robin said they say that Iran stepped right up and said they did that. They're not hiding behind anyone. Robin said that's a different stance than they have used before. Robin said Rand Paul isn't happy about this attack on this Iranian general in Iraq. Howard said the whole thing is being bungled. He said he's talked enough about it today. Robin had some audio of Rand Paul talking about that.
Howard said President Trump is going to be speaking to the people shortly on TV. He said he has him on the phone to talk before that. He took the call from Fake Trump who was telling the military who to bomb now. Howard said he loves when he comes in there to talk about women and things like that but he's not sure about this. He said he's going to let him get back to his war. Trump said it's a lot of fun and made some pew-pew sounds.
Robin said Trump did warn Iran that if they retaliated that he'd bomb cultural sites in that country but he's backing off of that claim now. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about bombing those areas and how he's going to obey those laws now. He said they will suffer the consequences if they do retaliate.
Robin read a story about the Consumer Electronics Show and said Uber just showcased flying taxis. Robin said they could be going by 2022. Robin said Samsung introduced a human robot. Robin said it's called the Neon project. They're chat bots that look like real people. Robin said they behave like real people and have emotions. Robin said they can act as teachers and other things like that.
Robin read a story about Marianne Williamson laying off most of her national staff for her campaign. Howard said they need a chat bot that looks like Emily Ratajkowski. Robin said a robot that's human will be better than you. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:15am.