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Howard started the show talking about how he forgot about the Tony Awards being on last night. He said he should have remembered since James Corden was on the show last week. He said JD recorded them and it's the same old thing. He said he's no fan of Broadway. He said the music is just so weird. He said it's just people talking. He was listening to the musical numbers and it's so weird. He said you can talk over music and call it a Musical and it's done.
Howard said it's also weird that they do shows about Cher and The Temptations. He said the Temptations show ruins the Temptations songs. He said he thinks this will be the last year for the Tony Awards. He said he can't imagine anyone is watching them. He said everyone was singing and dancing and carrying on. Howard said he never loved the musicals.
Howard said this is a number from the Cher show. He said it's just not good. He played a clip and said it's almost like Cher. He said it's like if Cher was yelling into a bad microphone. Robin said that or a Cher impersonator.
Howard said listen to this Temptations show. He said listen to this guy singing. He played a clip and Robin said she could sing that better.
Howard said James Corden did a song in the bathroom at the Tonys and it sounded as good as any of the sons from the plays. He played that clip too. Robin said that was a typical Broadway song. Howard said here's Beetlejuice the play. He played another clip of an awful song.
Howard asked why you would pay to see this shit. He played a clip of a song from Tootsie the play too. He said it's awful. Robin asked if they have forgotten how to write songs. Howard started to make up his own song. Fred played some music and Howard talked/sang his own lyrics over it.
Howard sang a song about breathing in and out. Fred found more music for him to sing over. Howard sang more of the breathing song. He was singing about how you need oxygen to live. Robin laughed. She said it's Science the Musical.
Howard sang about how his balls are sticky and he should have showered before coming to work. He sang about it being Monday and then it's Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and then Friday. He sang about being happy until Sunday when he bums out because Monday is around the corner.
Howard said he really should go on Broadway. He said he could have a play about his life. He started to sing about his life. He sang about his breakfast. He sang about not drinking coffee or alcohol so Granola is what he gets off on. He sang about it being The Bachelorette night. Then he sang more about eating breakfast and Gary clearing his throat before the show. He sang about Gary making him want to throw up. He made the Gary clearing his throat noises. He sang about not knowing what's going on with those teeth and gums in Gary's mouth.
Howard took a call from a guy who was rambling about Howard doing the musical thing and how he has to rebuke his comments about the Tonys or something like that. He mentioned Andy Cohen in there too and Howard had no idea what he was talking about so he hung up on him.
Howard said there was a woman who got up and said something about women directing musicals and got all worked up while making a speech. He played a clip from the Tonys where she made that speech. Howard said he's not sure what she's saying. He said she's like that guy who called in.
Howard said women are smart and don't want to direct that shit. He said they want to direct movies. He said they look at it and see it's crap.
Howard said that's some speech. He said she's like the martin Luther King of plays. He said he does like her passion.
Howard said Bryan Cranston won an award for Network. He played a clip of Bryan making a joke about how a straight old white man is finally getting a break. Cranston dedicated this to all the real journalists around the world. Howard said he's for that too. He said Journalists are not the enemy of this country. He said they are the highlight. He said he hates to break it to the president and the hillbilly people in this country. He said they have to get off of that fucking bullshit. Howard played more of Cranston talking about the journalists in his speech.
Howard asked how you can say the media is the enemy of the people. Robin said we're not talking about an intellectual. They're talking about Donald Trump. Robin said he attacks back when they report on things he doesn't like. Robin said she liked how Trump said that no one had heard of that country Vietnam when the war was going on. Howard said he got completely crazed about Donald tweeting an attack about the NY Times. He said he thinks the NY Times is wonderful and so is the Washington Post. Robin said they said something he didn't like. Howard said they do the same about him but he doesn't care. He said that it separates them from the barbaric places around the world.
Robin said a lot of the people involved in the North Korea and United States negotiations have been ''purged.'' Howard said King Jong Un is killing those people. He said this Donald Trump can't keep saying stuff about the media being evil. Robin said he's going to keep doing it. Robin said you have to understand where it's coming from. She said it's like saying the same word all the time. Howard said there are people who think that's okay. He said the NY Times is not bad.
Robin said he's president because here are many people who are not informed. She said he wishes he had that power that Kim Jong Un has. Howard said he might get it if it's up to the idiots in this country.
Howard said he's going to play a game. He said he has a Tony Awards or Porn Awards clip. He said it's a speech from the Tonys or the Porn Awards. Robin said this should be easy. Howard said this is in honor of the Tonys last night.
Howard played a clip of a guy thanking someone. It was very vague. Robin guessed it was a porn award. Howard said that's actually a Tony Award winner.
Howard played another clip of a woman making a speech and Robin said that has to be a porn award speech. Howard said that was a giveaway when she said that everyone has contributed to her success.
Howard played another clip where a woman thanked god for her award. Robin said this has to be a Tonys. Howard said she's right. He said now she's rolling. Howard played more of the speech.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about his very special journey that started in 1988 when he and his father wrote the first draft. Howard asked Robin what she thinks it was. Robin said she thinks it had to be the Tonys. Howard said she's wrong. He said it was a porn award speech. Robin asked what movie that could be. Howard played more of the speech and said it was the 2019 AVN award for best action thriller.
Howard said they should combine the two award shows. He played another clip of a woman talking about how hard it is to bare yourself to strangers. Robin said she's thinking it might be a AVN awards clip. She said she's going with that. Howard said she's right. He said this is the rest of the speech. He played more of that woman's speech.
Howard said this is the last one. He played another clip of a woman making a speech. Robin guessed it was a porn award speech. Howard said it's actually a Tony Award speech. Howard said Robin did well though. He said she might have been flipping a coin. Robin said every speech sounds the same.
Howard said they have to take a break. He said they have a lot to get to today. He said Bill Maher is coming in and he's looking forward to that. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said that's enough of the song. Robin asked if he knows who wrote that. Howard said Willie Nelson did. He had Fred play more of the song and some Goat Boy clips over it. He said it works really well when she does that thing with her voice. Howard had him play more Goat Boy. Howard said Goat Boy and LeAnn Rimes should tour together.
Howard said that was LeAnn Rimes featuring Goat Boy. He said they should put Jim Breuer back on Saturday Night Live. Robin said Alec Baldwin is done playing Trump. Howard said he thinks they ran out of stuff for him to do. Robin said he may not find value in it anymore. She said it has become repetitive and he doesn't want to keep doing it. Robin asked who should do it now that he's leaving. Howard said Goat Boy. He said Goat Trump would be a good character.
Howard said he has a clip of an early ad for President Trump where they asked people to call in and give him a thank you. Howard said they told Bobo to call and thank President Trump. He said they had Elephant Boy call too. He said this is Bobo calling President Trump. Bobo thanked Trump for doing what he promised he said he was going to do. He said he lived up to just about everything he said he was going to do other than Common Core. He said he met with Kim Jong Un and he was the first one to have done that. Howard said he's sure that pumped up President Trump.
Robin pointed out how dopey Bobo sounded talking about meeting with a dictator in the Korea area.
Howard took a call from Bobo and asked what his problem is with common core. Bobo said it's too tough. He said it's like 5+5 isn't 10. He said it is 10 but it's too hard to get there. Howard asked if Trump said he was going to get rid of that. Bobo said he did. Howard asked why he even cares. Bobo said he has a kid who is very smart but it's not easy. He said the whole curriculum has to change. Fred goofed on Bobo about how he said curriculum. Howard asked what it is that's so hard about math. Bobo said you have to show how you got to the answer. Howard said he doesn't think that's that big of a deal. Bobo said that it's a nightmare.
Howard said Bobo called Jason to tell him about something going on with his head and toupee. He said Shuli is having a shit fit over it because he went right to Jason. He said that Bobo isn't supposed to call Jason but he gave him an exclusive. He said Shuli feels Bobo really fucked him over. He said there's a whole thing going on. Bobo said he called Jason because he wanted to get it on the show.
Howard said Bobo has been wearing that hair system thing on his head a long time. He said he's getting lesions on his head now that he's in a humid climate. Bobo said he thought he had cancer. He said his doctor told him he has to get rid of the thing and he's getting rid of it. He said that's why he called Jason. Bobo said he stopped wearing it about 2 weeks ago. He said the lesions are still there. Robin asked how people are taking it. Bobo said no one else has seen it. He said he's saving it for the show. Howard asked how he hides it from people. Bobo said he keeps a cap on. Howard said let his head breathe. Bobo said he does that. He said he wants to save it for the show though.
Gary came in with pictures of Bobo's scalp. Bobo said they had to take a skin graft to check for cancer. He said it was the longest 8 days of his life. Robin asked if he saw it. Bobo said he did but he kept putting cream on it. He said his scalp wasn't breathing so the doctor told him to get rid of it.
Howard said they're going to put up the picture of his lesions. Bobo said that's fine. Gary said Shuli has given Bobo to Jason. He said that he's his nightmare now. He said Shuli said he put up with so much inane bullshit and then he gave this to Jason. Bobo said he only did that because he was coming up to the show.
Howard asked Shuli what he's going to do all day. Shuli said there are plenty of other calls. He said he can't get voicemail because Bobo leaves 4 minute long voicemails. He said he leaves 3 or 4 in a row. Howard asked if he's going to send him to Jason. Bobo said he told him yesterday he was going to do that and he was fine with it. Shuli said this is Bobo's move. He said if you don't get on the air he starts calling around. He said he'll leave the same voicemail for Will and Gary. Bobo said he's coming up this month to New York and he wanted to let them know he'll be there. Shuli said he's coming up and by the way, he has lesions on his head.
Howard said those boils on his head are awful. He said the glue was interacting with his skin. He said he was merging with his toupee like Brindle Fly. He said he was Bobo Fly. Bobo said he can be a spokesperson for people not to get a toupee. Howard said it's like crotch rot for his head.
Howard asked if he contacted his hair system people that he's out. Bobo said he did. He said he let them know that he's not going to get more supplies. Bobo said he's bringing his hair up to New York and they can have it. Howard did his Bobo impression like Elmer Fudd talking about his hair system. Fred was in on that too.
Howard asked how much he was spending on this hair system. Bobo said it was like $1,500 and he was buying supplies too. Howard said they must be freaking out that he's leaving. Howard goofed on him some more.
Shuli said Bobo went out and he had a bird nesting in his wig. He swore that was true. Bobo confirmed that story. Howard and Fred goofed on Bobo some more.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she wants to be free of this nonsense. She said he's acting like he's Caitlyn Jenner chopping off his penis. She said that he's constantly talking about how people are looking at him all the time. She said that he's wearing baseball caps on Cameo. She said he thinks he's a super star. Howard asked Bobo who he thinks he is. Mariann said that they've been telling him to take it off for years. Howard did his Bobo impression talking about a beetle crawling out of his ear. Mariann was trying to say something over him but Howard cut her off. He said she's trying to do material now.
Howard said Shuli is done with Bobo now. He said he knows what's happening. He said Bobo thinks that he should get on the air immediately with his material. He said that he gets frustrated and he goes to other people on the show to get it on the air. Howard said Bobo doesn't know that he has other things that he's more interested in. Howard said his brain works like this. He thinks that he can reveal this and it'll be fine when he does reveal it on the air. Bobo said it's the shock factor. Howard said no one cares. He said most people won't notice. He said they don't look at him that closely. Bobo said his wife was fine with it. Howard asked if he secretly puts it on when he goes out. Bobo said no way. Shuli said he's still wearing that cap out though. Howard said he understands he wants to keep the sun off his head but he has to let it breathe.
Howard said now Bobo has alienated everyone. He said Jason doesn't want him calling him either. Jason said he would rather not have that going on. He said that he could have done without the pictures of the lesions on his head. Shuli said he never sent those to him. Jason said he was having a barbecue and he got those pictures. He said he sent the pictures to him after texting him.
Shuli said Jason came to him and asked if he had heard about this. He said he hadn't and he was shocked when he did. Howard asked when Jason isn't at a barbecue. Shuli said he's marinating meat the whole week before. Jason said he's got six different grills at his apartment. Howard said he's having a big one in a couple of weeks. Jason said he ordered special meat for that one.
Howard said it's so weird. He said he was bummed out over the weekend. He said he's up to 194 pounds and he thinks he should be at 190. He said he's in lock down on eating. He said this mother fucker is just eating everything. Jason said he doesn't even have a scale in his house.
Howard took a call from a guy who said how about no one takes Bobo's call so they don't have to hear about this. He said he knows that the cancer thing never even came up. Bobo said he was tested for it. The caller said no one cares so stop calling the show.
Howard said Shuli would spend endless days with this guy. Shuli said they would talk about nonsense for days. He asked if he was tested for cancer for real. Bobo said he was tested. Howard said he's sure that the doctor had to test him because that's what they do. Bobo said that's the case. Howard played a song parody about Bobo after that.
Howard and the guys goofed on Bobo some more after the song. Howard said Bobo is now a 9/11 survivor and a cancer survivor. Bobo said don't say that. Howard said he wants to throw up after seeing his head. He said it looks like a rotten cantaloupe.
Howard asked Bobo what was worse for him, 9/11 or cancer. Bobo said don't say that. Howard said his dermatologist will take off a mole and they have to send it off to test it. He said they have to do that. Howard said he doesn't call Shuli telling him he just had a cancer scare. Howard said Bobo didn't have a cancer scare. He said they just had his sores tested.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Bobo is a copycat of Howard because Howard had a cancer scare. Bobo said stop it. He said he has pictures of it.
Howard said there's a review of his book that came out and it was really good. He said they were talking about how good the book is. He said any little thing can fuck his head up about that. He said he won't read twitter. He said he gets too affected. He said he normally deletes the links to the reviews. He said he'll give the guy a plug because he was so nice. He wasn't able to find it so he said the guy knows who he is.
Howard said the caller might be right about Bobo. He said he was told he had cancer. Bobo said he never said he had a cancer scare. He said it did scare him when they took a piece of that to test it.
Howard asked Bobo if he's completely bald now. Bobo said he shaved the whole thing. He said he's not doing the Bozo look. He said he's going to let them have the hair system. Howard said that's what Bobo is going to do when he comes up there. He said he's just going to reveal his head. Shuli said he doesn't let all of these guys come in there. He said the air time is important to Howard. Howard said they have taken off his toupee in the past. He said he's not sure why he wants to come in there. Bobo said he's going to be in New York for a while and he said he'd come up and give the system to them and unveil his look. Shuli asked what they're going to do with that. Bobo said they can see his bald head. Howard asked why they would want that. Bobo said he's going to show the box that the toupee comes in. Howard said it's going to be so bad and people will complain about him being on the show.
Howard asked if they can do Bobo Ring Toss with his bald head. Bobo said sure. Fred Bobo said they can pick the scabs on his head. Howard said they can do a paste the hair on Bobo's head bit. He said they can put bird seed on his head and see if the birds will peck it and eat his lesions. Howard said they could get pigeons and see if they'll eat his head. Shuli said it would be great if they just put the food on his head and sent him home.
Howard said maybe they can play checkers on his lesions. He said maybe they can put the Chia Pet seeds on his head. He said they can grow a grass system on his head. He said they'll put the seed on the lesions. Fred Bobo said they can grow a Bonsai tree on his head. Howard said the birds on his head can play baseball.
Howard said Shuli has some exclusive Tan Mom news. Shuli said Bobo is off his list. He said he went behind his back over this whole thing. Bobo said he did it because he was going to be on the show. Shuli said he didn't even tell him about it. He said it's like he knew it and now he's scheduling a date. Howard said he should have gone to Shuli. He said he should tell him what's going on and then he goes to the guys and tells them about it. Robin said she thinks that this is just a way to be on the show. Bobo said he had to do it for medical reasons.
Howard asked what's up with Tan Mom. Shuli said that she has pneumonia and she had to go into the hospital. He said she had a cardiac arrest over night. Howard asked if this is real or is it Adam Barta trying to generate album sales. Shuli said it's real. He said she had a heart attack.
Bobo was talking about how he had to change the tape that he had on his head. He said that it had to be every day. He said it got worse and he had to be told not to do it anymore. Robin said you can't believe Bobo anymore. She said he tells stories that make no sense. Shuli said he had to peel tape off his lesions every day and kept doing it. Howard said he has a lesion farm on his head.
Robin asked if his wife didn't see all of these things. Bobo said she didn't see it until he took the toupee off. Shuli asked if his son has seen it. Bobo said he did and it was a shock to him but he's fine now.
Howard asked if he can squeeze his lesions in there. Bobo said no way. Howard asked if they pulsate like Braniac 5. Howard said it's like a super power.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was going to complain about too much Bobo but this is radio gold.
Howard asked what's going on with Tan Mom. Shuli said she's doing better and she should have her breathing tube out in the next day or so. Howard asked if she's tanning in there. Shuli said that she may have an orderly in charge of that. Howard had him do his Tan Mom impression for him.
Howard asked if he talked to her before she went in. Shuli said he texted her before things god bad. Howard said she has such a wild lifestyle. He said she probably didn't lay low and got sick. Shuli said she was always sick lately and she would always tell him that. Howard asked Shuli to do more of his impression for him. Shuli did that for a short time.
Howard said the big news is that Bobo has disgusting lesions on his head. He said the picture is out there now. He said eat your breakfast first. He said that's unless you need to lose a couple. Howard said some people are saying his head looks like Darth Vader when he took the mask off.
Howard said Bobo went to the wrong guy for this whole thing. Shuli said he wanted to fast track it. Bobo said he fucked up. Bobo kept sniffing so they were trying to figure that out. Shuli said that he does it when he is very confident in something. Howard said he's like Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith show. Shuli said he's doing the same thing but he thinks he's being smart.
Howard said he's looking at the lesions and thinking he could pop them. He said his dad used to make him pop his black heads on his back. Shuli said that's child abuse. Howard said it brought them closer together. He said that was something he did well. He said you have to squeeze that shit out or they'll turn into whet Bobo has on his head. He said he'd use a paper clip to get all of the juice out. He said he'd do that like once a month. He said he was always shocked by how much stuff would come out. He said he's sure he could get a lot out of those lesions. He said he thinks that he could get some puss out of there if they steamed it for awhile. Shuli said they look like coasters on his head. Fred said they look like barnacles on his head.
Bobo said the best thing is having the water in the shower go right on your head. Shuli said Bobo once called him and said that he thinks that he's said racist words and that got on the air. He said that's how he mines shit from Bobo. Bobo said he admitted he fucked up. He said he just called Jason because he was trying to get on the show. Howard said he just doesn't get it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said when Bobo does come in they should make a Bobo Puppet with the toupee. Howard said that's a good idea. He said they can have a puppet with lesions under the toupee. Fred said they can make the lesions erupt. Howard said his head looks like a lasagna. The caller said ''eww.'' Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said they are in the middle of creating a Bobo puppet. He said he did make it with removable hair. Howard thanked Bobo for the call. Fred Bobo asked who he should call to get on the show. Shuli thanked him for going behind his back. Howard said he doesn't think they need Bobo on the show. Bobo said he'll be in New York if they want him. Howard told him he'll have Jason call him if they want him on the show. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Robin would love it if he made love to her to this song. Robin said it seems kind of frantic. Howard said he wouldn't have lasted more than a note.
Howard said he will mention this Vocal Fry thing. He said there's a dude this year on The Bachelorette who has vocal fry. He said his name is Conner S. He said he's never heard a guy with it so bad. He said women do it to sound more intellectual from what he's read. He said they seem to think they sound smarter.
Howard said just listen to this. He played a clip of Conner talking to The Bachelorette for the first time and he had pretty bad vocal fry. Howard said it's like two frogs mating. He said she doesn't have it until she's around this guy. Howard said she
Howard said this guy tells a sad story but he wasn't able to feel any empathy for him because of this vocal fry. Howard played a clip. Howard said this is the most bachelor thing you can do on the show. He said speak in vocal fry and tell a sad story.
Howard did his impression of Conner and told Robin that he wanted to make love to her. He asked if she would put up with anyone like that. Robin said no way. She said this girl doesn't seem all that bright though. She said she was in Boston trying to figure out what ''No taxation without representation'' meant.
Howard said he thought the guy would drop the vocal fry around the other guys but he didn't. He played another clip of Conner talking to the other guys with the same vocal fry. Howard did more of his impression of the guy. Robin said the guys don't seem to notice. Howard said they think he's an intellectual. He did more of the voice and goofed on Conner. Howard asked what the fuck. He said that's that.
Howard said they had sort of a romantic date where Lucas Graham was performing. He said they get artists that no one has heard of and they act like they knew who it was. Howard said they just dragged this guy out of someone's back yard. He said there was this romantic moment and the guy starts in with the vocal fry again. He played another clip where they had Lucas Graham playing and Conner was talking about the date.
Howard said there it is. He said that's pretty nutty. Robin said he has it bad. Howard said he's going to take a break and get to Bill Maher.
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Howard came back and said he has Bill Maher there. He said he watches him on Real Time every week. He said he's thin too. Bill said hi to everyone. Howard said he was thinking about the name of the show, Real Time with Bill Maher. He said everyone calls it the Bill Maher show. Bill said they did that with Carson too. He said he didn't pick the name. He said that goes back to 2003. He said he wanted to call it ''Keeping it Real.'' He said that would have shown its age by now. Howard asked why they don't call it the Bill Maher show. Bill said he wasn't even really Bill Maher back then.
Howard said Bill was a stand up comedian and he didn't really know he wanted to do that, did he? Bill said he did. He said he knew it from the age of 10. He said that he had no confidence though. He said he had it in his mind and he kept it a secret.
Howard said he wasn't a popular guy in school either. Bill said he wasn't but it wasn't as bad as Howard. Bill said when he did start the first year at the Christmas party for the family he heard his grandmother talking about how he was going to ''try'' to be a comedian.
Howard said that they say that the class clown is always the asshole. He said Conan told him that. Bill said he heard that Conan was his favorite. He said he has to out do Conan.
Bill said he watched Johnny Carson religiously when he was 10 right up through college. He said he still does Carson when he does a monologue. Howard said Carson didn't call him over to the couch though. He said that must have been crushing to him. Bill said not really. He said that he knew comics that did bad the first time on Carson. He said if you did then you were done. He said it was getting called back on Carson that's the thing you wanted.
Howard asked what the joke was that he did on Carson. Bill said he did it every time. He said Johnny asked him to do the bit about being half catholic and half Jewish. Howard said it has to be tough to do that 9 times. Bill said that was a different era.
Bill brought up Game of Thrones and how upset Howard was about it being too dark. Bill said his point about that was that they got like 18 million viewers and Carson used to get that every night at 11:30. Howard said that was kind of special back then. Bill said they would have 45 million people watching a show a night. He said that they're very fractured now.
Howard said he thinks of HBO and he thinks of Bill. He said he can't think of too many shows other than his on HBO. Bill said for a certain segment of viewers he's probably popular but for others they probably hate his face. He said he doesn't think he's the face of HBO. He said he loves Netflix but they have 1000 shows that he wants to see but nothing he's dying to see. He said HBO has shows he's dying to see. He said he loves the show Succession and Veep. He said that there's Game of Thrones too that people just had to see.
Howard said AT&T own them now. Bill said they do and he goes back and forth thinking about how they might hate him over there. Howard asked if he has met with anyone from there yet. Bill said he hasn't. He said he has gotten a call from the head of programming. Howard asked if he's worried about offending someone there. Bill said he thinks that he's content like Howard is and they need content. He said in a way he would like to do a show more like Howard's. He said he's jealous of Howard.
Howard said he knew Bill's father and he was a news guy. He said now Bill is sort of a news guy. Bill said the show is showing people's point of view. He said people become more mainstream. He said the idea of not having children is radical and that kind of thing they can talk about.
Howard asked if Bill thinks more about religion now that he's getting older. Bill said he never claimed he has the answer. He said it's not right to make up a story if you don't know what's out there. He said he thinks the story of a god with a son all seems ridiculous. He said that the whole Jesus story was around for hundreds of years before Jesus was even around. He said he doesn't think about it now because even god would tell him ''fuck you'' after everything he's said.
Howard said his show seems like a perfect format. Bill said he loves doing the show and he loves the show. He said the audience there isn't representative of liberalism in the country. He said that he's a liberal and he fights with his audience.
Howard said that Bill was talking about the gun issue on Friday night. He said that he thinks that they lost the election to Trump over the gun issue. Bill said he's not a pro gun guy but he owns one. He said that if something goes down the police aren't going to be there right away. He said that he has to have a gun in the area he lives in. He said there are a lot of home invasions there. He said that it's not just this one issue. He said he was just saying look at the poling and run on those issues instead of the gun issue.
Howard said they have to get back to this school thing. He said he graduated high school 7th in his class and then went to Cornell. He said that being a stand up isn't job security. He asked when he told his parents that he was doing this. Bill said he mumbled it at dinner one night. He said he was out of college by then. He said he was doing The Comic Strip and Catch a Rising Star. He said that Larry David was the emcee.
Howard asked when he started. Bill said he did it in college. He said he did a gig at a poetry reading. He said he wanted an education but he did do some material in front of an audience he could find. He said that he would do a Johnny Carson kind of desk bit. He said he bit it horribly and no one laughed. He said you lined up on Monday afternoon to audition at the clubs.
Howard said he was thinking about getting into radio and he had never done any public speaking. He said he had these fantasies in his head. Bill said he knows he had the fantasy about being on WPLJ. Howard said it has to be weird to go on stage at a poetry house.
Bill said that they had a motto of ''Why not us?'' He said it can be anyone. Howard said people aren't willing to do the hard work though. Bill said you have to put thousands of hours of work into it. He said there's a lot of pain from rejection and things like that. He said you have to get laughs from drunks at 2 in the morning.
Howard asked what his plan was. Bill said you want to come up with 40 minutes of material so you can go on Carson and do 8 shots. He said that they had seen all of these guys go on the show and get their own shows from it. Howard asked about Larry David giving him the pass at Catch a Rising Star. Bill said he did that and Seinfeld gave him a pass at another club. He said then those two ended up working together.
Bill said he did a new years eve show in 1983. He said Joel Schumacher was watching and cast him in a movie. He said then he got a role on a TV show. He said then he had a dip in his career when he thought that he was going to be the one left on the side of the road. He said it was crushing for him. He said then he got Politically Incorrect.
Howard said Bill had a show that they were going to put on in place of David Brenner's show. Bill said they never got that on the air. He said they said they didn't want David Brenner. He said they ended up replacing him with David after that. He said they got the guy they said they didn't want.
Howard said that's the hard part of being a stand up comic. He said it must be so unusual to get up and go to a job. He said it has to be tough. Bill said that you can sleep all day so that's the nice part.
Bill said that some of these guys praised Cosby but he never liked the guy. Howard said he didn't either. Bill said that this actress told him what a monster Cosby was. He told Howard what she told him about Cosby and he knew that early on when he did the movie DC Cab.
Bill mentioned that he would get high and write stuff with his friends. Howard asked about being a pot dealer. Bill said he was a pot dealer and that's how he got through college. He said he would take the train and take a briefcase with him. He said he'd buy 2 pounds of pot. He said he'd sell it for a great profit. He said he'd dump it on his desk and break it down into 17 ounces. Howard said he still smokes weed to this day. Bill said he does. Howard said he thought it would be legalized when their generation took over. Bill said it's still not legal.
Howard said he never got Cosby just like Bill. He said he seemed to drone on and on. He asked who he liked. Bill said he liked Carson, Carlin and Robert Klein. Howard said Klein was the best. Bill said he still loves Kline to this day. He said he was still old school but he was also hip as fuck. He said he would do all kinds of things on stage.
Bill said he loves Robert Kline and he would type out his stuff to get it down. He said that he has one hour to put his stuff into. He said Howard can do 3 hours on a t-shirt. He said he heard Howard doing the show about the shirt he got with Michelle Obama on it and he was doing it for like 3 hours. He said he loves that he can do that.
Howard said Bill looks good. He said his weight looks good. Bill said he has been hyper aware of what foods are good for you and what are bad. He said he doesn't eat sugar or carbohydrates. He said that his doctor told him not to eat bread. He said that's what you should avoid. He said he thinks that fungus is an issue. He said you have to keep your body balanced and antibiotics are all over the place. He said you're killing both good and bad bacteria. He said that fungus lives on sugar. He said you're feeding the fungus if you eat sugar. Howard said Bill has kept his weight down.
Howard asked what he ate this morning. Bill said he had eggs for breakfast. He said he got them at the hotel. He said he brings food with him when he travels. He said he has a kind of bread that's made out of cassava. He said you can make almond bread and things like that. He said he isn't vegan but he doesn't eat a lot of meat. He said we know a lot isn't good for you.
Bill asked what he eats for dinner. Howard said he'll eat just about anything but he keeps the portions down. Howard asked if he works out. Bill said he dos but it's like twice a week. He said he does stretching and stuff too. He said he doesn't do Yoga anymore. He said he figured he didn't need a big guy pushing him into those positions.
Howard asked Bill about never being married. Bill said that he has found that he and Howard have so much in common. He said he listens to the show now and he thinks Howard has a lot of common sense. He said they've worked things out and he's able to listen now.
Howard said he thought that he did him wrong and he takes full responsibility in them not getting along. He said that Bill was very nice to him and he was a dick to him about it. He said he has to apologize. Bill said that Howard did say that he would do his show. Howard said he doesn't think he'd be a good guest on his show. He said he can see himself kind of clamming up because it's a political show. Bill said not with what they would be talking about. He said he'll cater it to Howard. Howard said he doesn't want to fuck up his show. Bill said he'll do a one on one show. Howard said he can do a push on his book in the fall or something. Bill said that's fine.
Bill said that they were both assholes back in the day and Howard's asshole did it to him. Howard said he was a great gusts though. He said he wasn't in a position. Bill said Howard had this enormous power and there was no place like the Howard Stern Show to sell it. He said he could do whatever he wanted to because of that. He said he was one of them. He said he knew it was torture and he knew he had to plug his show. He said it wasn't just him that Howard did it to. Bill said it's nice that they can do this now and talk about it. He said it's a good age.
Howard said he ran into Bill about a month ago and Bill was talking about the first Tonight Show he did with Jerry Seinfeld. He said Jerry went with him to the Tonight Show. He said that Bill had grown up on the Tonight Show and he was getting his shot on the show.
Howard asked if he asked Jerry to go with him. Bill said they were all tight back then. He said they did all of these gigs together. He said they'd travel together all over the place. Howard asked if he liked being on the road. Bill said he still does. He said he does shows occasionally now. He said he doesn't have to do it every weekend now. He said he likes doing it in front of a live audience.
Howard said he loved Al Franken. He said he wishes the democrats hadn't pushed him out. He said there are people serving who did a lot worse. Bill said he's not sure Al did anything. He said there wasn't even an investigation. He said that he has been in touch with Al and he defended the guy on his show. He said that women haven't lost the ability to lie. He said that we're humans and that can happen. He said Al said he had to quit because no one would talk to him on the Senate floor. He said that the people in his own party didn't talk to him. He said what a bunch of fucking pussies they are. He said Trump just calls it fake news and moves on.
Howard said this morning Trump said that the NY Times was the enemy of the people. He said it's what makes the country great having the NY Times. Bill said that he's doing things that no president has ever done. He said he's very dictator like. He said this is fascism metastasizing. He said that he wants all of this stuff that dictators want. He said we have to pay attention to this. Howard said if Mueller puts out a report why are they afraid to impeach him. He said that's their job. Bill said this is what's been going on. He said that Nancy Pelosi has been saying that they have to have a majority to impeach him. He said he could become a martyr. He said he has been thinking about this and he thinks they have to impeach. He said they say that his base will be riled up by it. He said they're already riled up. He said fuck that and go for the people who aren't his base.
Howard said he thinks about how he would fight against Trump in a debate. He said he would just bring up John McCain and what he said about him. He said that he'd bring it up over and over. Bill said the guy sides with Kim Jong Un. He said that's what they should be bringing up.
Howard said it seems to him that he should be advising the democratic party. Bill said that would never happen. He said he's toxic to the party. He said that he's an atheist and he's never been married and he smokes pot. He said that doesn't go over well with them. He said he has been in relationships with women but he can't imagine going through that for months and years. Howard said he loves it. Bill said he knows he does.
Howard said Bill likes being alone. Bill said he likes being able to decide what to do with all of his time. Howard asked what he does with it all. Bill said that it includes masturbating. Howard asked what his day to day is. He said he has to prepare for the show. He asked if he writes the monologue. Bill said he doesn't but he will rewrite it. He said there's nothing on the show that he doesn't rewrite. Howard said he loves his monologue. He said he has taken that mantle and really commented on the news. Howard asked if the ratings have gone up since Trump became president. Bill said everyone's has. He said he was thinking about it and how he doesn't want a second term. He said there's a wealth of material. He said that most politicians have one thing. He said this guy is stupid, corrupt, a racist, he has a tiny penis and all of this other stuff. He said that they need a new president just for new material.
Howard asked if it's tough to do ''New Rules'' when he has an audience there. He said it seems like he would want the audience out of there. Bill said he works the most on the ending monologue. He said he can work 15-20 hours on that alone. He said he never goes out during the week. He said he works the whole week. He said that he doesn't have time to go out. He said at the Seinfeld party that was a celebration of being friends for 40 years. He said being this age is great except you're going to die soon.
Howard said Jerry told him the story about writing a joke with the word boron in it. He said he worked hard on coming up with the right element for the joke. Bill said he works on jokes like those guys work on building ships in a bottle.
Bill said that he has all of his jokes right next to him on stage. He said he keeps them up there so he can't forget them. He said he has bullet points up there. He said he hates when a comedian says ''Okay... what else.'' He said he has his jokes up there so he doesn't have to do that.
Howard said Jerry once said that you have to do it almost every day to keep working it out. He said Bill is at a disadvantage because he's not out there all the time. Bill said that he and Jerry disagree on that. He said that Jerry thinks there aren't any bad audiences. He said he disagrees on that too.
Howard asked if you can bomb on a given night. Bill said no. He said you don't bomb. He said that the people who come to see you are people who paid a hard money ticket. He said that's the only place he works. He said he won't work corporate gigs. He said the money is outrageous. He said you never hear about those gigs. He said you'll only hear about it if someone plays for a dictator or something. He said time is more important to him than money. He said he won't take a million dollars to do something like that. He said he doesn't collect cars or have a wife or anything like that. He said he doesn't even have to buy his own weed. He said people give him weed. Bill said life is great but the only thing is they'll be dead soon.
Howard said he thinks back about his career and working 7 days a week. He said he was doing everything at these stations. He said then they offered to put him in a movie and all of this. He said that the announcement was more exciting than doing the thing. He said he'd rather be home. Bill said Howard was able to expand into the movies. Howard said it's that time you want though. Bill said Howard has been there and done that. He said he doesn't have to do it now.
Howard said Bill sounds frustrated with the live audience at his show. Bill said he is. Howard said he doesn't have one because he doesn't want to hear from them. Bill said they can have a conversation like this because he doesn't have one. He said people will come on the show and they're conservatives but then they cave when they're on the air. He said that they get that audience approval and it's a drug. Howard said he would go on Letterman and shows like that and he had to work for the laughs. He said he'd rather just have a conversation with Letterman. He said Bill knows how to get the audience to go with him.
Howard asked Bill about writing a joke and going out there the first time with it. He said he has probably written jokes that lay an egg. Bill said not after 40 years. He said he still writes new material. He said that he doesn't do stuff that has been on the show. He said they like to hear him call Trump a whiny little bitch. He said most of what he writes is him. He said it's very rare that he says something and he doesn't know how it's going to go. He said you can't do something that long and not know.
Bill said he's lucky because he's working topically. He said some guys work evergreen. He said he's lucky because his material is changing for him. He said it's in the newspaper. He said whatever it is he's talking about it.
Howard asked if he does material that's not political. Bill said he does. He said the second half of his show is that. He said that he won't do material about having twins in the hot tub or anything now. He said people find that creepy.
Howard asked what it's like being a part owner in the Mets. Bill said this taught him a lesson in life. He said no one knows anything. He said all of the people you think are experts aren't. He said that he was told not to invest. He said that this can't ever lose in his mind. He said financial experts told him that it was a bad idea. He said if this team ever sells he'll make so much off of the deal. He said that he loves the team too though. He said he hated Steinbrenner. He said that Steinbrenner and Trump are dopplegangers. He said they're the same guy.
Howard asked about Trump suing him. Bill said that Trump asked to see Obama's college transcripts. He said he offered Trump $5 million to prove that he's not the son of an Orangutan. He said he went into court to prove that he wasn't the son of an Orangutan. He said that he actually went to court and demanded that 5 million. He said it wasn't a defamation case or anything.
Howard said Trump has said that they should investigate Saturday Night Live and things like that. Bill said this isn't the way a democracy works.
Howard said bill is a happy and content man. Bill said that we all have our scares but he is happy and content. He said as long as you're healthy things are good. Howard said he doesn't think bad things are supposed to happen to him. He said he thinks that he's entitled to live as long as his parents have. Bill said we're all on borrowed time. He said his parents are gone. He said his father was a funny guy who was in news. He said he died right before Politically incorrect started. He said he would have loved for him to have seen him on Carson. He said he got his funny from his father. He said he was a funny guy who did the news.
Howard asked Bill if he has anything nice to say about Trump. Bill said he's a brilliant politician. He said that he was a horrible businessman. He said he took his father's money and lost it. He said he's not a brilliant businessman. He said he is a brilliant politician. Howard asked if he won't release his taxes because of that. Bill said he thinks it has to do with Russia too. He said he had to get his money from Russia.
Bill said that Trump must be doing something behind closed doors to keep people so close to him. Howard said he is a charming guy. He said he was a Hillary Clinton supporter at one time. He said he was pro-abortion at one time. He said the views have shifted to whatever it is now. He said he didn't think Trump ever thought he would win. Howard said he knows for a fact that he was running as a publicity stunt. He said it was a PR guy who started it to sell books. He said he sold a ton of books that first time. Then he wrote a second book and the same thing happened. Bill said Trump was his own PR guy. He said he would call up newspapers as John Baron and tell them things about himself.
Bill said that Trump acts like the people who sport him. He said they like that they have a guy in office who has balls. He said that they know weak and strong. He said they think that the democrats look weak for apologizing all the time.
Howard asked who he thinks is a good candidate to run against Trump. Bill said he doesn't know yet. He said he will support whoever it is that runs against Trump. He said Joe Biden isn't his first pick. He said he thinks that Elizabeth Warren would be good. He said she's very smart and educated. Howard said people are afraid of trying to get a woman to beat Trump. Bill said it's not a good time to pick someone. He said they have to have some debates first. He said we need to narrow the field. He said there are 24 people running. He said that makes the party look ridiculous.
Howard asked how much longer Bill has on his contract. Bill said he can't talk about that. Howard said he has another year and a half or so. Bill said it's something like that. Howard asked if he would commit to another 3 years. Bill said he would have to think. He said he has been doing it a long time. He said he's been doing this for over 25 years. He said that's real job security. Howard said when he was doing Politically Incorrect they had things that he wasn't able to talk about. Bill said he that he wanted to talk about pot and he wasn't allowed to. He said that pot was terrible back in the 90s and ABC didn't want him talking about it.
Howard said Seth Rogen is great because he talks about smoking pot like it's alcohol. Robin said everyone is talking about it and using CBD and edibles and stuff.
Howard said Bill loves John Waters. He said that guy is out there. He said Bill loves a guest like that. Bill said he dos. He said the guy is honest and isn't hiding anything. Howard asked if he knows him personally. Bill said they haven't gone out to dinner together but he would if he wanted to.
Howard said he thinks that Bill's best guest is who? Bill said he doesn't know. He said maybe Martin Short. Howard said Fran Lebowitz is the best. Bill said she really is. He said she should have a scribe to write down what she says. He said that she hasn't been able to write in years. Howard said everything he hears her say on his show could be a book. Bill said she won't get a phone or a computer. He said she's off the grid. He said you have to call her on a regular phone. He said she came to a Mets game with him. He said he had Anthony Scaramucci there and she refused to shake his hand.
Howard asked if he goes to the owners meetings and stuff. Bill said he went to one and it was 4 hours of his life he won't get back. He said it was so boring. Howard asked if he could buy his share of the team. Bill said he can only sell to the other owners. He said that it's an amazing thing that he's part owner. He said he was only able to do it because he has no kids, wife or alimony.
Howard asked if Dave Chappelle is someone he looks at as one of the most brilliant guys out there. Bill said he is state of the art. He said you can't compare him to Jerry or anyone else. Bill said he thinks that he's the best. He said he doesn't think that anyone else could do what he did in Boston last night for 90 minutes.
Howard gave Bill some plugs for his show and said he will do Bill's show but he isn't going to L.A. any time soon.
Bill said it's great that they're making up. He said that they were both assholes back in the day. He said that they both did things wrong. Howard asked who he was an asshole to. Bill said he was a big drinker. He said he doesn't drink now. He said he misses it like a dead friend. He said it has sugar and dead yeast in it so those are things he doesn't eat or drink.
Howard asked if he does edibles. Bill said he doesn't. Howard said he'd worry about his lungs. Bill said they vape now grandpa. Howard said he thought that stuff had chemicals in it. Bill said he doesn't do the edibles because he ate a cookie about 10 years ago and he lost track of time. He said he thought he was dead and in hell at one point. He said he called someone to come help him. He said he wasn't sure if he had even made the call so he called someone else. He said about an hour later there were 20 people in his living room. He said he called everyone and it took him hours to even know what reality was. Howard said they do say how much is in the edibles now. He said eating it makes him paranoid. He said he tried it a couple of years ago and he thought that Trump wanted to put him in jail.
Howard said he can't smoke weed. Bill said he's not the kind who smokes every day. He said that he usually isn't even up at this hour. He said he uses it sparingly. He said he uses it to write and he needs it for that. He said it loosen him up creatively. He said he'd never do his show high. He said it wouldn't go well.
Howard said he did weed with his wife once and they had sex. He said that he didn't remember it but his wife said that it was the best he ever performed. He said he can't go back to it though. He said he went out on a balcony and just sat there. Bill said that you're liberated when you do that. He said that's why he loves it so much.
Howard said Bill has said it all. He gave him some plugs for Real Time with Bill Maher. He said you can see him at his residency at the Mirage in Las Vegas. Bill said he loves Vegas. He said they're a hip audience. He said the residency is a 5 or 6 times a year kind of thing. He said people know where they can find you.
Howard asked Bill about touring and if he had people who he loved being on the road with. Bill said that Gilbert Gottfried was great. He said he has known him for 40 years and he still doesn't know who he is personally. Howard said he saw the real Gilbert when his appendix burst. He said Gilbert tasked him to come visit him at the hospital and bring him underwear. He said he was shocked that he called him. He said he went to visit him and he wondered who this guy was. He said he was talking about life and comedy.
Howard gave Bill some more plugs and wrapped up with him. He said you can find out more about Bill at BillMaher.com.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he loves that Bill is back on the show. He said he's the reason he keeps subscribing to HBO. Howard said he agrees. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said it's time for news. Fred played a song parody for Robin. Howard took another call after that. The caller asked if the gun issue isn't about taking your gun but it's about doing background checks. Howard said this isn't that kind of show. He said the point he was making is that the Democrats are getting pegged as the kind of people who are going to take guns away. He said it's just about doing background checks. He said just get off the issue. He said it cost them the election.
Howard took another call from Jim From Raleigh who said that Bill was the best guest of 2019 so far. Robin said Bill brings it. Howard said he did want to beat Conan. He said he thinks he's for real on that. Jim asked if he would ever have a Hannity or a Rush on the show. Howard said sure. He said he was on Hannity's show. He said he had Alex Jones on the show once. He said it was the real one. Jim said they're great interviews. Howard said they had Glenn Beck on the show one day too.
Jim said they're tearing down the old channel 9 show building. Howard said he didn't know that. He said that show was good but it was too much work. He said he, Fred and Jackie would start writing on Mondays and then they'd edit the show all day Saturday after shooting it Friday. Howard said this gentleman says Bill Maher was the best guest of 2019.
Howard took another call from Mike from Maine who asked if he thinks Bill listened to the show while they were feuding. Howard said bill said he stopped listening during their feud. Mike asked if he would have go on Bubba's show. Howard said Bubba knows he loves him. He said he's not doing anymore promotion for the book right now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he never liked Bill Maher and now he hates him 10 times more than he did before. Howard tried to talk to the guy but he was talking about what a liberal cock sucker the guy is so he hung up on him.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that he didn't care for Bill before and after today he liked him. Howard said that's great. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started off with a story about a woman who decided to euthanize herself in the Netherlands. Robin said this young girl was the subject of a brutal rape she was never able to get over. Robin said she didn't want to take anymore so she took her life legally. Robin said that she'd like to know if people who think you should give birth to a baby based on a rape understand what this girl was going through. Robin said this girl wanted to take her own life. Howard said he didn't know that they could do that over there. Robin said you can now. Robin said she doesn't agree with the decision but that's what she wanted to do. She said she has no right to make someone stay and suffer.
Robin read about what they're doing in Alabama. Robin said if a woman was raped and had a baby then the rapist would have parental rights. Robin said they must hate women in Alabama. Howard asked how he begins to understand the mindset of someone who thinks like that. He said he can't even imagine someone operating like that. He said the woman isn't going to want anything to do with the rapist. Howard said he got a lovely comment from a listener who said Alabama is the best place to rape. He said that's the only place you get to rape and co-parent. Howard asked how we can allow those people to vote. Ward said maybe we can give Alabama to Mexico. Robin asked why he'd do that to Mexico.
Robin read a story about how there's a law in Texas that stops businesses from doing business with any abortion providers. Robin said the law goes into effect on September. Howard said this is so fucked up. He said he read a poll where most Americans agreed that abortion should be legal.
Howard took a call from fake Sarah Sanders who was talking about Bill Maher's interview. She said she wanted to get the taste of liberal jizz out of everyone's mouth after that 90 minute interview. Howard spent a couple of minutes with fake Sarah.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he enjoyed Bill Maher. He said he loved him. He said they have the same brain power and hearing them talk like that is amazing. Howard thanked King for the call.
Robin read a story about NASA inviting tourists to the space station. Howard said he loves space and that we have NASA. He said he thinks it's important to have the space program. Robin said Howard should go there. Howard said he doesn't think that Robin should go there. Robin said they're going to be selling private citizens tickets to fly to the space station. Robin said it will cost $35,000 a night. Howard said he can't work up the courage to fly to Italy. He said he'd never be able to go to the space station. He said he doesn't even want to leave his apartment. Howard asked Fred if he would want to go. Fred said he thinks he would. Howard said he thinks about that teacher who tried to go up in the Space Shuttle and ended up dying. He said she had a baby that she never got to see grow up. Robin said she would want to go up.
Robin read a story about the Tony Awards and had some clips for Howard to play. She had one clip of a woman who was confined to a wheelchair and she won a Tony. Howard asked what play she was in. Gary said it was Oklahoma. Robin had some audio of Bryan Cranston's speech when he won. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Donny Deutsch saying some negative things about President Trump. Howard said he's a very outspoken opponent of Trump. Robin said he caught the attention of Trump the other day. Robin had some audio of Deutsch talking about what a despicable human being Trump is. Robin said Trump went off on Donny and he admitted he wasn't very presidential doing that. Howard said Donny is good on MSNBC. He said he doesn't mince words on his show. He said he's sure Donny is thrilled he got Trump's attention.
Robin read a story about Dr. John the musician from New Orleans passing away. Robin said he died this weekend. Robin said he was 77 years old. Howard asked if they said what he died from. Robin said they don't say. Howard had Fred play some of his music.
Robin read a story about Bushwick Bill from the Ghetto Boys passing away from pancreatic cancer yesterday. Fred said Dr. John had a heart attack. Robin had some Bushwick Bill music to play. Robin said he was only 52 years old.
Robin read a story about a serial killer in Detroit who turned out to be a homeless man. Robin said he was targeting women and prostitutes. Robin said it was a 34 year old man named Kenneth Deangelo Martin.
Robin read a story about the president talking about how tariffs are great and his threat to impose them on Mexico has worked and it will work with China as well.
Howard said Bushwick Bill was on the show in 1998 and none of them remembered it. Gary said they're going to play it on Sternthology today.
Robin read a story about the house judiciary committee opening up some hearings on the Mueller report today. Robin said John Dean is going to be a part of that. Robin said he was part of the Nixon/Watergate hearings. Robin also read about Nancy Pelosi talking about how she would rather see Trump go to prison after his term instead of impeaching him.
Robin read a story about Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger getting married over the weekend. Howard said she's really hot. He said he thinks that's the ultimate when someone is hot and has a family with connections. Robin said Chris Pratt was no Kennedy but now he gets to hang out with them. Robin said he's the Star Lord in Guardians of the Galaxy and he has a father in law who is The Terminator. Howard said he likes that Guardians of the Galaxy. Robin said he's good in those movies. Howard said he likes Katherine better than him. Howard said his wife is the perfect woman for him but he wouldn't mind if her parents were Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard talked about Arnold's son and found out he wasn't invited to that wedding. He said that he must not be welcome there with Maria.
Robin read a story about David Ortiz being shot in the Dominican Republic over the weekend. Robin said he was Big Popi on the Red Sox. Robin said David was shot in the back at a bar. She said the guy tried to get away on a motorcycle but he was chased down and caught. Robin said the Dominican Republic is getting a lot of bad press lately. Robin said there have been a few deaths in hotels there.
Robin read a story about Justin Bieber challenging Tom Cruise to a fight in the octagon. Robin said Bieber told Cruise that if he doesn't take this fight he's scared and he will never live it down. Robin said Tom hasn't said if he'll accept. Robin asked why Tom would accept this. Howard said he won't. He said he thought Justin was in a center getting his head together. He said apparently not.
Robin read about how the new X-Men movie ''Dark Phoenix'' only made $40 million at the box office this weekend. Howard said he's going to see that movie even though it didn't do well. He said he's watching Captain Marvel right now. Robin said she waits for the rental. She said that she wanted to see some movies over the weekend but they're still just purchases. Howard said it's not really his cup of tea. He said the movie is okay. He said Brie Larson is good but her super powers aren't that cool. He said they threaten to take her powers away if she doesn't do good things with them. He said of course there's someone with more powers than she has. Howard said he likes that moment in those movies where the guy with powers gets the girl after showing his powers. He said he would break down in 5 minutes and tell a girl he's got powers. Howard said Sansa Stark is in that new X-men movie. He said it's good that it didn't do well. He said that will bring her down to earth. Robin said she was in one of those Terminator movies too and that didn't do well. Robin said they're wondering if the X-Men have worn out their welcome with movie goers. Howard said they haven't. He said they have to make a good movie. He said shame on them. Robin read more about the movies that were in the top 5 at the box office this weekend. Robin mentioned the Godzilla movie and Millie Bobby Brown is in that. That led to Howard doing his Millie Bobby Brown's agent character for a short time. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how he wanted to stay up and watch The Bachelor. He said he didn't get to do that. He said he'll do that tonight instead. He said Beth wanted to watch it last night but he was too tired. He said he finished Captain Marvel and it wasn't that good. He said that Ralph told him about how it wasn't put out by the same company that did the Marvel movies. He said that X-Men was bad according to people who saw that. He said he's not sure why it wasn't that good.
Howard said he got a note saying The Bachelor is on tonight. He said it wasn't on last night because of basketball. He said he's no real man because he's not into all of the sports stuff. Robin said she's not sure about it either.
Howard said he knows that KD is a big deal. He said the kids are wearing the sneaker of the player they like and that's what his nephew is into. He said that's Beth's brother's kids. He said he knows KD through that.
Howard said Beth's brothers used to be real athletes. He said one played for Penn State and one played in something else. Robin said they were very involved and were invited back to the school for something. Howard said that's why Beth was out there. He said he wasn't invited. He said he's a whiny guy so he wasn't invited.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't know how he does it but every interview seems to be better than the next. He said people just open up and relax with him. He said he's been listening since the 80s and he loves them. Howard thanked him for that. He said they got a lot of positive feedback about Bill yesterday. He read through some of that. Howard said Bill speaks his mind and he did that yesterday.
Howard said he came out with this book Howard Stern Comes Again and he kept wanting to add people as they came in and did interviews. He said over the 2 years he was taking people out and putting them in because of that.
Howard read more email about the interview and someone said they can't wait to see him on Real Time. Howard said he was talking to Beth about that. He said Bill came in there just to do the interview with him. He said Gary told him he had a busy schedule. Gary said on Friday he did his own show and on Saturday he did comedy in Philly and then in Baltimore. He said then he got up on Monday to do their show. Howard said he heard that and figured that Bill was very nice to do that. He said he told Bill he'll do his show if he goes to L.A. He said what he's thinking is that maybe he should stop being a lazy fuck and get out. He said he wants to suck it up and go out to L.A. in the fall to push the book around Christmas. Gary said Howard has promised to do shows with Jimmy, Conan and Bill. Howard said he did say he'd do Ellen if he was out there. He said that she has a big audience. Howard said he would do Bill Maher for sure. He said he promised her. He said he never promised James Corden.
Gary said he's up to 3 shows for sure. Howard said he did Conan's podcast and that was good. He said today they're going to do something different. He said they're going to air the Anderson Cooper interview after the show. He said they're going to replay that right after Robin finishes the news. He said they thought it would be fun to air.
The caller told Howard he's been great with a lot of people in the interviews. He said it wasn't just Bill. Howard said he talks about that in the book. Robin said Bill said he really does his homework. Howard said he knows he was 7 out of 400 some people in his high school. He said when you get into Cornell the world is kind of your oyster. He said to take that and go be a stand up comic is admirable. He said if he had that kind of brain power he may have taken a safer route. Robin said Bill heads toward happiness and a regular job would not have pleased him at all. Howard said he was never happier than when he was a dishwasher or working in a plumbing house. He said he felt like he was in shape and he was doing physical things. He said at night he didn't worry about work the next day. He said he liked being able to go out with friends. He said he was very happy. He didn't worry about being on top of his game. He said money was the thing that motivated him. He said he wasn't making a lot of money in radio either. He said money wasn't ever a motivater with him.
Howard said his father was impressed with any job where he didn't have to leach off him. He said he didn't want to have to go back to their house. He said they paid for college and it was over after that. Robin said she had a regular job and it almost killed her. She said it didn't do something for her.
The caller asked if he would ever do a show where they brought back Jackie, Artie and Stuttering John. Robin said absolutely not. Howard said they have moved on and it would be like going back to high school. He said the crew they have now don't get enough credit. He said he and Robin talked about this over the weekend. He said the guys there now are top notch. He asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said it's such an elevation. He said it's like going from a prop plane to a jet. Howard said he loves the crew there other than Benjy. He said even Benjy is a great asset to the show. He said they have a great crew there.
Howard said he appreciates the people who were there before but if people come there they become part of the family. The caller asked what Jackie is even doing now. Howard said he doesn't know anything about it. He thanked the caller for the call.
Howard said that guy loves him and he loves him back. He said it feels good to get the love of the audience. He said it's the wrong kind of love though. He said you can't bang them at the end of the day.
Howard said Robin Givens said that his penis size was fine and he was a ''magnificent lover.'' Howard said Fred would say the same thing. Fred said he's bigger than he says he is. Howard said he thinks she's just being very generous. He said she's a lovely woman. Robin said she has a new show coming out on the Oprah Winfrey network. Howard said it was very nice of her.
Howard said Wendy, Tan Mom and Marfan Mike are all in the hospital. Howard asked if they know what's up with Mike. Robin was wondering about that. Howard said he thinks he's going to be fine.
Howard asked Wendy if she's still dumpster diving. Wendy said yes. Howard said she's been calling around there looking for $20,000. Howard asked if she knows how much money that is. Wendy said she does. She said she has to get that to get back to therapy. Robin said she'd have to look into that. Howard said it seems like there's a Wack Pack Plague going around. Robin said they have to be careful.
Howard said Wendy turned 39 on the 15th of May. He said that Wendy calls them looking for 20K all the time. He had some voicemails where she was calling in looking for money. Wendy was calling him ''boy'' and telling them that she has to get 20K or she'll give him a noogie or a wet Willie. Howard said he can just imagine what that would be like. Gary told him that's where you put your wet finger in someone's ear. Howard sounded grossed out by that.
Howard asked Wendy about the hospital and if she's being treated well because she doesn't have her cough anymore. He said she's not going to be able to walk until she loses weight. Howard asked what happens when she has to make doody. He asked if she goes in a diaper. Wendy said she goes in her briefs. That's what she calls her diapers. Howard asked if they tell her to do that. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if the doody gets stuck to her legs. Wendy said it does and they clean her up at night. She said she sits in it all day.
Howard asked if the nurses jump out the window. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if they dry heave when they walk in the room. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if the doody gets in her vagina. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if they clean that out too. She said they do. Howard said he hopes so. Robin asked if she's clean right now. Wendy said they just changed her and her bed. She said it was wet and it had some poop in it. She said she had to go when she was sleeping.
Howard asked if the doody is wet or runny. She said it's runny. Howard asked what time she went last night. Wendy said around maybe 1:30 in the morning. She said she wasn't sure if it was wet or not at that time. Howard said the nurse who cleans her is on the phone. He took the call from the fake nurse but the bit didn't go anywhere. Howard hung right up on the fake nurse.
Howard said he has to apologies to Conan because this is now his favorite interview. He asked Wendy if her cough is gone. Wendy said yes. Howard said they must be handling her right if that's gone. He said he was really concerned about that. Howard said she's going to be all set to date after that. Wendy said she has a nurse who is single and she wants to go out with Howard. She said she's a big fan. Howard said she must have heard what a great lover he is. Howard asked how old she is. Wendy said she's 39. She said she's a big fan of his.
Howard asked what she looks like. Wendy said she's skinny and short with blonde hair. Howard asked who she looks like. Wendy said she looks like Britney Spears. Howard said if he wasn't married he's do out with her. Wendy said she's the one who gives her the medication. Howard asked if she shits her pants. Wendy said no.
Howard said Wendy leaves them voicemails and he has some unaired clips to play. He said this was from last fall before her accident. He said she arrived 40 minutes late in one of those motorized carts from a supermarket. He said no one gives her a hard time about that. He said she met them outside a fast food restaurant. Howard said this is before she went into rehab. He played a clip of Wendy rattling off the long list of food she ordered from the restaurant.
Howard said no wonder she was packing on the weight. He said she showed up with blisters all over her legs. He said he's sure they're gone now. Wendy said they are. She said they said she was allergic to something. She said it might have been soap or detergent.
Howard played another clip of Wendy talking about going to the bathroom while they were down there and she pooped on the floor. He said she went twice while they were there.
Howard asked how many times she goes. Wendy said she had two piles in her diaper when they changed her this morning. Howard asked if she already had shit in there before she went in the middle of the night. Wendy said yes. Howard asked how many doodies she takes a day. Wendy said they changed her and she got in bed and she fell asleep and kept pooping until whenever they woke her up. Howard said there were two doodies in there. Howard asked if she doodies in her sleep. Wendy said yes. Howard said she's like a ninja. He said that's amazing.
Wendy said she also dreamt about Robin turning into a helicopter. Howard asked if that's while she was shitting in her sleep. Wendy said yes. Robin said they have nothing to do with each other. Howard said that's what she thinks.
Robin said she might have diarrhea. Howard said it sounds like they have her on a good diet. Robin said it might be the medications. Howard said maybe that's it. He asked Wendy if they wipe her with baby wipes. Wendy said yes. Howard said they have to get in there pretty deep. He asked how many they have to use to clean her. Wendy said they take a whole pack to clean her up. Howard asked how many wipes are in there. Wendy said maybe 20 wipes. Howard said that's some doody. He said why not just hose her off. Robin said there is no area for that. Wendy said they normally wet a paper towel and wash her with that.
Howard said god bless nurses. He said they are the backbone of this country. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if they cry when they're cleaning her. Wendy said they wear a mask. Howard asked how she's positioned. Wendy said she's on her side and they wipe her butt with their hand. Howard asked if she has ever shit on their hand while they're cleaning her. Wendy said yes. Howard said he would imagine. He asked if they get angry with her. Wendy said some get angry but some understand. Howard said Robin just passed out.
Howard asked if they miss doody and she ends up sitting in it. Wendy said yes. Howard said they probably rush through it. Wendy said they have more people to change so they might rush. Howard said they can't get it all. Howard asked if she takes the biggest doodies. Wendy said yes. Howard said they should give her a trophy for that.
Howard got back to the clips of Wendy and played one where she was talking about how much she likes Jason. Wendy told the producer that she likes Jason because he dresses up in a tuxedo for work every day unlike Benjy who dresses like a slob. Howard said it does kind of look like a tuxedo.
Howard said Wendy also likes Memet. Howard played a clip of Wendy going off on Gary and telling him to stop sleeping on the job, bitch. Howard said that's tough talk from someone without any teeth.
Howard said Wendy is doing well and she's not coughing. He said she doesn't have blisters. He said the diet must be doing her well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to get off of this. He said he's in traffic listening to the Wendy shit stories. He said it is entertaining but it's gross. Howard said he's concerned about Wendy. He said everyone acts like their life is so wonderful. He said that it's about time for people to face reality. He said this is a reality show. The caller said he thinks the smell is coming through the phone now. Howard said she might be safer there than anywhere else.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Wendy is lying about the rehab thing. Wendy said she's not. She said her mom is still working on it. The caller said that insurance or the state pays for that. He said he knows that because he's a social worker. Wendy said they don't pay for that anymore. The caller said he thinks that she's worried that it won't get taken care of even though it will. Howard said that might be what's going on.
Howard said Jason wants to go down to visit her in rehab. Jason said he may try in July. He said he wants to go spend a day with her but it's hard to get excited about it. Howard said she's his fan and he's going to go visit. He said he has one fan and he's going to go visit. Jason said they text each other. Howard didn't know that she had the ability to text. Jason said she can do it just fine.
Howard asked Wendy if she wants Jason to change her down there. Wendy said yes. Howard said that might stop Jason from eating. Jason said he's not sure if he could do that. He said he might slip someone a 50 to change her. He said he's there to help her out.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Wendy said gold. She said she and Tan Mom are both great on radio.
Howard asked if the caller likes jewelry. She said yes. Howard said Wendy is going into the jewelry business. Wendy said she's going to have a ring bomb. She said that's where you put a ring into the water and a ring comes out. Robin said she has no idea what that means. Howard asked if that involves blood diamonds. Wendy said yes. Howard said the ring she's selling looks lovely actually. Gary said Shuli told him what it means. Shuli came in and said that she's purchasing them and reselling them. Shuli said it might be like a bath bomb that you throw in the water. He said they're not sure actually.
Howard asked why they would buy it from her. He said they're paying her vig. Howard asked if she's marking up the cost. Wendy said yes. She said it's where you wear something fancy and people buy ring bombs from you. She said you throw a ring bomb party when you go live. Shuli said he thinks she's talking about going live on Facebook.
Howard asked if Wendy ever checks her own buttocks by sticking her ring finger in there. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if it ever comes out with doody on it. Wendy was saying yes to all of this. Howard said she must be getting the rings and she loses them up there. Robin asked how you clean your ring. Wendy said she uses a baby wipe.
Howard asked how they get these rings. Wendy said she mails them out. Howard said that's some sales pitch. Howard asked how he can get one if he wants one. Wendy said you watch her on Facebook live. She asked if she can give her plug real quick. Howard said go ahead. Wendy said hi to some Dr. Damian the dentist. Howard said that's some plug. He said he thought that she was plugging the ring business. Wendy said she is doing that too. She said she ordered it from the company. Howard asked how they get her to get them to you. Wendy said over her cell phone.
Shuli said he drove with Wendy and her mom and she went to the bathroom at one point when they got to New jersey and she was buying lottery tickets. He said she never went to the bathroom. He said she ended up shitting her pants instead of going to the bathroom. Shuli said her mom had to yell at her for that.
Howard said he has to go. He let Wendy go and thanked her for the call. They played her off with a song parody.
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Howard said thanks to Fred for the song. He said the new thing is something called Mumble Rap. He said this is something he can do. Howard said he's into rap now. He said there's a sub genre of rap called Mumble Rap. He said he has some samples of it. He said he will play some for Robin. He said it's people mumbling over a beat. He said it's popular with the streaming services. Howard said it's baffling to him. He said he can't make out a word of it.
Howard played a song called Double Dutch that Lud Foe and Z Money put out. Robin said this is terrible. Howard said this is art.
Howard played another song that he said went platinum. He said it's called ''Lifestyle.'' He said there's another one called ''Wicked'' by Future. He played some of that for Robin too. Robin said this is before the song is done. Howard said this is the finished song.
Howard said he's getting way into this. He said he's been looking for a vehicle for his own music. He said that he's getting into producing other artists. He said he's going to have JD on his label. He said maybe he should save it. He said their company own Pandora now so maybe they should put it up there. He said if he puts it up he bets it'll get a following. Howard played the song that JD rapped. They had a beat that they played JD's mumbles over. Howard said that's DJ Da Bad Ass.
Howard said they have Asian Pete doing a song too. Howard played some of that one too. Robin said they have to put this one out somewhere. Howard said he wants to put it on Pandora. Howard said imagine all the girls he'll have after this song comes out. Howard played more of his song and played some of a Leon Spinks song they put together too. Howard said he's speaking the truth. He said he has tons of hits in him. He said he meant hits to the head.
Howard said there's a mumble rap feud between JD and Leon. He said there it is. He said he even signed a schizophrenic patient with a speech impediment. Howard said he's going to play a game where he plays mumble rap or an impaired person. Howard said he has to figure out how to do this. He figured it out and played a clip for Robin. He played one where they had a guy mumbling over a beat. Robin said that's real mumble rap. Howard said she's right. He said that's Skeechy Meechy.
Howard played another clip for Robin and asked if this is real mumble rap or an impaired person. Robin asked him to play it again. Howard did that and Robin said that has to be real mumble rap. Howard said it is. He said that's an artist called Lance with ''Bring me that shit.'' Howard said that song has 50,000 views.
Howard played another clip and asked Robin what she thinks that is. Robin said that is an impaired person. Howard said she's right. He said that's a schizophrenic with a disorganized speech pattern.
Howard played another clip and asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said that has to be an impaired person. Howard said she's right again. He said it was a drunk person they put to music.
Howard played another one for Robin and she knew it was an impaired person. Howard said that's actually Kirk Douglas. He said he has a whole new career. Howard said Robin was 100 percent right. He said he liked that JD mumble rap. He said he's on to something. Robin said they have to put that one up. Howard said Asian Pete was really good too. He said it's very musical. Howard said he thinks he could make some money in this genre. He said he could make money off of Leon Spinks. Howard said that guy is gone, right? Robin said no. Howard played Leon's song again.
Balls asked how long he's ever gone without talking to his parents. He asked if he has ever gotten into an argument with them. Howard said he never has been in an argument with them. He said they're right all the time and they don't give a fuck. He said he's the one who calls them. He said they never call him.
Howard said he never argues with his wife either. He said that maybe that has to do with his parents. He said he's not going to argue with Beth. He said that he doesn't like conflict. He said he's very uncomfortable with it.
Balls asked if he's ever been on a family vacation with his parents. Howard said he has and it was a nightmare. He said they went to Washington DC. He said they went to see all of the stuff there and then went to Virginia. He said they saw cotton growing and how it looks with seeds in it. He said his father was very aggravated. He said they were just annoying to him. Robin said he was the one who decided on the vacation. Howard said he was always in charge of the stuff he carried around and he had cameras and stuff on him. He did his impression of his mother and father arguing about taking pictures on vacation. He said his dad wanted to walk free but he had to carry a camera.
Howard said his father would carry around a pipe and he smoked tobacco in that. He said they didn't get that on camera. He said there was a train they went on but it didn't move. He said his father was annoyed by that too. He said it was just constant yelling. He said they didn't take many trips. He said they went to visit his sister in college. He said he was 14 when she was 18. He said he tried to be cool around the other girls. He said she went to an all girls college. He said the food was really good at the college. He said the girls were always on diets so they didn't eat much. He said his dad liked the food there too. He said his sister wanted to go out to eat but his father would yell ''Nooo'' when she asked. He said it was perfectly good food there.
Howard said he would rush to the cafeteria to be first on line. He said he'd put food on his tray. He said he got pancakes and ordered toast and his father went berserk. He said his father would ask what was wrong with him. He said toast is the same as bread. He did his impression of his dad yelling at him in front of the college girls. He said his mom would yell at him too. He said she never defended him. She went along with his father.
Howard said he would embarrass his father in line at the cafeteria. Robin said he was very aware of everyone around him. Howard said his father would go off on him about the toast and pancakes. He said he'd get all upset. He said he just wanted to have his fucking toast. Robin said you'd think that you'd be free at some point. Howard said he still hears that voice in his head all day. He said he wakes up in the morning screaming at himself calling himself an idiot. He said he tells himself to get out of bed, you idiot.
Howard said they would go to the beach too and that was horrible too. He said he'd go down on the beach and try to drown himself in the waves. He said he was always by himself. He said his parents were very cheap. He said they'd buy into a cabana at Point Lookout. He said they were tiny and they had like 10 families who all chipped in. Gary said people would brag about having a cabana there. Howard said they had to carry their chairs to the beach. He said they'd change in the cabana and things like that. He said his mom would wear a cap on her head to keep her hair dry. He said the big move was that she could rinse off in the cabana.
Howard said they were like the Trumps on the beach. Gary said they were on a waiting list for 10 years for one of those things. Howard said you had to know someone. He said you weren't supposed to share a cabana but they all did. Howard said his mom would wash her rubber sandals in the cabana.
Balls asked if his parents ever argued. Howard said they didn't really. He said they each overlooked a lot of stuff. He said his dad would come home and mow the lawn on the weekend. He said he was constantly fixing stuff around the house. He said he'd sit and read the NY Times and watch Tarzan. He said he still watches baseball too. He said that's why he's not into baseball. He said his father would drag him along to the racetrack to watch the horses. He said he took him once and yelled at him the whole time. He said he yelled at him at the baseball game too. He said they went to Shea Stadium and it was a fucking nightmare. He did his impression of his dad yelling at him about the score card. Howard said it was such a stupid thing to him because they had a score board. He said his dad gave him the card and told him to fill it out however he wanted. Then he yelled at him for doing it wrong and took it from him. Howard said you'd think he'd explain it to him instead of just taking it away.
Howard said his mother would ask how it went and his dad would yell about how he didn't know how to do it. Balls asked if he ever won any big money at the track. Howard said there were a lot of degenerates there. He said his dad wasn't a degenerate gambler. He said he just went to get away from the family.
Howard said it didn't go well. He said he never went to amusement parks. He said he went to Nunley's to play some games but that was about it. He said he was alone pretty much a lot of his life. He said his mom would try to force a father son day. He said it never went well. He said they went to the movies once. He said it never worked out. He said his dad took him to see Barbarella. He said it was a sexual movie and he didn't belong there. Howard asked what year that came out. Fred said it was 1968. Howard said he was 14 years old that year. He said that was an awkward age. He said it was weird to see that with him. He said there were guys jerking off in there for sure. He said he didn't want to look at that with his father there.
Howard said Jane Fonda's tits were out for the first 10 minutes of the movie. He said he had never seen that look on his father's face before. He said he didn't take him out of there. He said they didn't even talk about it after the movie. Robin said Howard lived in the bizarro world. Howard said his mom didn't even ask how it went. He said he had to go to his room and just push all of these feelings away. He said it would have been erotic to see it on his own. He said the guy at the movie theater must have thought it was weird to see his dad bringing him in.
Howard said his mother made his dad bring him to the recording studio. He said his father was always angry about that. He said it was around Easter or Christmas. He said they'd have a whole spread there for food and his dad would be all upset about spending money on the food. He said he'd yell about it not being like that all the time.
Howard said he had to get out of there. He said it was crazy. He said it would have been fun if his dad wasn't so uptight. He said he got to see Don Adams working. He said he never even introduced him to them. He said it was just some kid sitting there. He said Larry Storch was in there recording and his father was so sweet around them. He said he would ask them if they wanted lunch. He said then in the car he'd bitch about that too. He said his dad would complain about someone asking for shrimp salad. He said he'd get so upset. He said he thought they were breaking some kind of rule by having that. He said his dad would complain about his partners too. He did his impression of his dad talking about them.
Howard talked about the drink his father would make his mother make for him. He said he had to have this Rob Roy. He said his mother would prepare it early in the day and she'd be nervous about it. He said she'd be peeling a lemon and mixing this drink for him. He said she didn't drink at all but his dad did. He said that he'd get all red in the face after drinking it. He said his mother would complain about that to him.
Howard hung up on Balls because he was coughing and making noise. Howard got back to his parents and talked about how lucky he was to be alive. He said he had the black community mad at him for being white.
Robin said she ran away from home once. She said she didn't know how to do it. She said she got about 2 blocks away and she realized she had no place to go. She said it was the most defeating experience in her life. Howard said they should take a break. He said they have a lot to catch up on. They went to break after that.
King said the mumble rap started because of the older rappers were saying that the younger ones were mumbling. He said the young kids embraced it. Howard asked if King likes it. King said the best rap album in 20 years is out now. Howard thanked him for the call. Robin said he won't just get to the point. Howard said he has a good phony phone call to play. He hung up on King.
Howard said he drags out those calls. He did an impression of him and asked why he has to pull that out of him. He said just say it. He said he's not sure what he's up to. He said it just angers him when he tries to talk to him.
Howard said they have a phony phone call Sal and Richard made with clips of Ronnie. He said they called an internet radio show saying that their grandpa is possessed. Howard said Ronnie tweeted out that today is ''wet Tuesday'' because it's raining out.
Howard played the call where Sal and Richard call into this show and tell the hosts that their grandfather is possessed after going to Las Vegas. They played clips of Ronnie yelling ''Sixty nine!'' and other things. Richard asked for them to pray for his grandfather. The hosts prayed for him. They prayed and Richard played clips of Ronnie calming down. Then he'd get possessed again and say rude things to the hosts. They eventually hung up on Richard after Ronnie said some stuff that was too nasty for their show.
Howard said religious shows get freaked out when you threaten to go gay. He said he's not sure why the exorcism had its own music. Howard said they were putting Ronnie's yelling to good use in that call.
Howard said Ronnie was out yelling somewhere. He said he was singing Karaoke at a restaurant and he was yelling out stuff about Viagra. He said he never played this before. He said this was Ronnie and Stephanie going out to dinner. He said he was singing about Viagra and Cialis. He played a clip of Ronnie and Stephanie singing together and Ronnie changed the lyrics to his own when he sang about Viagra getting him up. They were singing to Bachman Turner Overdrive's ''You Ain't Seen Nothing' Yet'' when he did that.
Howard said that's a Bubba thing. He said he talks about taking 100mg of that stuff. He said that's where Ronnie gets that from. He said it sounds like someone is being killed in those Ronnie clips. He said you expect someone to sing a Frank Sinatra song when he's that age. He said he gets up and sings about Viagra and Cialis. He said the guy claims he doesn't even take Viagra.
Howard said Ronnie said he hates when Stephanie posts those videos but he seems to love doing it. Robin said she's interested in her sense of humor when she hears that. Howard said he doesn't get it. He played a song parody about Ronnie. He said that wasn't even a karaoke bar. He said it was just a restaurant. Gary said there's a guy that sings at the restaurant and the guy left so they hijacked his equipment and started singing. Howard said Ronnie is very forward. He said people are eating and they don't want to hear him yelling about Viagra. He said that's not even his rap. He said he doesn't use the stuff.
Gary said Ronnie is coming in. Ronnie came in and Howard asked why he's singing like that if he doesn't use it. Ronnie said there were people there but most of the customers had left. He said the restaurant was empty but the bar was still open. He said it was after Midnight. Howard said he has some constitution. He said he stays up throughout the night. Ronnie said he had to go to his granddaughter's dance recital on Saturday. He said it was 3 and a half hours long. He said she's 14 now. Howard said Fred's daughter doesn't dance now. Fred said she doesn't do it to the degree that Ronnie's granddaughter does.
Ronnie said she has to go to some competition in Virginia. He said she does modern dance and tap. He said she's even teaching the younger kids. Howard asked if he stayed until the end. Ronnie said he did and that was over around 8:45. He said he didn't get home until 2:30 in the morning.
Howard said he'd be beat if he was out that late. He asked why Ronnie was up there singing about Viagra. Ronnie said it just fit into the song. He said he was really drunk. Howard said he has a feeling it's a Bubba thing. Ronnie said it's not at all. He said it just happened to go that way. Howard said it's kind of like what Bobo does by incorporating it into the show after hearing something.
Howard asked if Stephanie tapes it. Ronnie said she does. He said he hates when she does that and posts it on Instagram. Robin said he must like it. Howard said he thinks he does.
Howard said he got a report on Ronnie. He said he heard that someone sent up donuts and food this morning. Howard said Gary asked who sent it and Ronnie said he didn't fucking know. Ronnie said the guy who brought it in told the other guy who was out there. He said he knew afterward. He said he didn't have time to check where it came from when Gary asked. Howard said he has to know.
Howard asked if Gary was afraid to ask Ronnie about it. Gary said he sent Jason in his place. Gary said they just went over it a few weeks ago. Gary said Brian told him after he came back from the bathroom. He said he didn't know yet. Gary said he would have looked into that when he came back. Howard said Ronnie is security but he thinks he shouldn't know where they came from. Gary said he should have known. Ronnie said he was told as soon as he came back. Gary said it wasn't as soon because he was leaning against the door. Howard asked if he gets it. Ronnie said he does. Howard said he's not sure about that.
Gary said Ronnie is the guy they should be asking. Ronnie said so is the other guy. He said the other guy took his place when he went to the bathroom. Howard asked who the head of security is. Ronnie said he is. He said he just got back from the bathroom though. Gary said he didn't know that. He said he said he just didn't know.
Ronnie said he and the other guy were standing there. He said Gary asked who brought them. He said he didn't fucking know. He asked why he wouldn't ask the other guy. Howard said Gary knows him and he wanted to know from him. Ronnie said he didn't know at that point. Howard said he should have known. He said he's too much with the personality. He said he should be like James Bond out there and get on it.
Howard asked Gary if that's okay. Gary said he just asked a question. He said he always goes to Ronnie. Ronnie asked who the food goes through out there first. Gary said he's not sure what he's asking. Ronnie said it has to be cleared by Gary first. He asked why he didn't know. He said Gary isn't doing his job either. Robin said she's not sure what he's accusing him of. Ronnie said that the food has to be approved by two people and one of them is Gary. He said the other person isn't there.
Howard said if there are donuts there then he has to know where they came from. He said he's security. Ronnie said he gets that. Howard said he has this personality and he's eager to yell at people. He said he's yelling at Gary when he asks a question. He said he should say he'll investigate. Gary said if he doesn't know then that's a red flag. Howard said it got past Gary somehow. Ronnie said it's his mistake then. Howard said it is. He thanked him for that.
Howard asked if he means it. Ronnie said he does. Gary said he was just wondering who brought the donuts. He said that's all he was asking. Howard said Ronnie should have sprung into action. Gary said the guy who brought them raised his hand back in the office. He said that's how he found out who brought them.
Howard said JD is eating one right now. JD said he had a half of something that was ''cutten'' into. Howard said ''cutten'' isn't a word. JD said they got the point. Howard said holy mackerel around there. He said it was exciting they had something to do this morning. Ronnie said he found out when he came back from the bathroom.
Howard said Ronnie is all worked up over this Gold Rush rally he's a part of this year. Ronnie said he won't be in a race suit this year. Howard said he's miserable driving but then he drives in his spare time. Howard said that would be like him going home and doing a podcast. Ronnie said they're out in open roads out of state. He said it's not the same driving as it is in the city. Howard asked who he's driving with. Ronnie said he's going out with Kurt Busch and some other guys.
Howard said he's acting so causal about this. He said this is like Ronnie's wet dream. Ronnie said he's friends with him and he has a great time with him. Howard said he's with him because he's Kurt Busch. Ronnie said he's a good guy. He said he's good friends. Howard said he's with the other guys because they're race car drivers. Ronnie said they're not though. Howard told Ronnie to just remember where all of this comes from. He said Gary is part of that. He said he has to protect him.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression talking about eating the donuts. He was eating various kinds and chopping on them. He told Howard Scott the Engineer brought some back from the WPLJ party. He was telling all kinds of stories about Scott working at WPLJ. Howard asked him to clear his throat some more. Sour did that too.
Howard said Sour called Mike Francesa and did his impression of Don Imus and others. Howard played the clip and he called in saying he wanted to talk about Howard Stern's new book Howard Stern Comes Again. Howard said he loves Sour's calls. He said Mike hates the guy. Howard said he calls in as Don Imus in this next one. He played that and Mike hung right up on him when he heard the impression. Howard said that was perfect. He said Mike didn't like that. He said there's no fun on that show.
Howard said you have to tow the line there. Robin said he reminds her of his father. Howard said same there. He said if his dad got a hold of Sour Shoes he'd have a job. Howard said on the air the guy is great.
Gary said every time he calls Francesa he gets fooled and then he says he knew that it was that guy. He said that he
Howard said Mariann called into the Curtis Sliwa and Juliette Cutty show trying to plug the book. He played that clip and they hung up on Mariann when she yelled out the book name and Baba Booey.
Howard said the book just came out in England and he has to do some promotion for that. He said he's not going over there. Robin said she just sent a book over there. She said she has friends over there. Howard said now it's out there. He said it's number 1 in Canada too.
Howard said he and Curtis spoke a couple of years ago. He said he always liked that guy. He said he likes the Guardian Angels. He said the cops don't like them. Ronnie said they consider them a gang.
Howard said when they took the subway to work he thanked god that they were down in the subway. He said he loved seeing that red cap. He said he'd breath a sigh of relief. Ronnie said he hasn't seen them down there. Robin said if Curtis would talk to them then they could ask. Howard said he would talk to them.
Howard told Ronnie that he's in charge of the food that comes in there. He said he has to be the guy that Gary can go to. He said someone is taking him seriously. Ronnie said he will then.
Howard told Ronnie to tell Gary that he's on it from now on. Ronnie said okay. Howard said he has to just take charge out there. He said he can't yell at everyone. That led to Fred doing his Ronnie puppet voice and yelling. Howard said he should just tell Gary he's going do some recon and go do his job to the Mission Impossible music and figure out who sent the donuts. Robin said that would have been the way to handle it.
Howard asked if King thinks Ronnie is in denial. Ronnie asked what he's talking about. King said he thinks Ronnie is lying about that. Robin said you can't tell people what they think. Howard said Ronnie said he doesn't dwell on it. Howard said Ronnie is one of those guys who will break his hip and then get really old really fast. King said he won't sit in McDonald's nursing a coffee. Howard asked if Ronnie fucked last night. Ronnie said it's that time of month. He said things did happen over the weekend.
King said he sniffed his wife's panties last night. Howard said that's creepy. He said that's your wife. He said he's a freak. He asked what it smelled like. King said it's like a smorgasbord of smells. He said there's some pee in there. Howard said this is the kind of thing that makes him want to throw up. King said he knows. He said after he finished he felt bad about it. Ronnie asked if he jerked off into them. King said no but he looks at them while he's doing it. He said if you turn them inside out it's like 3D. Howard asked what his wife thinks about that. King said he never told her.
Howard asked King if he wants to smell dirty panties. King said he gets them out of the hamper or on the floor. Howard said he picks them up and then what. King said he has to be in the mood. Howard asked if he gets nude first. King said he can't masturbate in the nude. He said he has to have his underwear on. He said he rubs his underwear.
Howard asked if he rubs his cock. King said he rubs it through his underwear. He said that's how he masturbates. He said he can't rub it with his hand. Ronnie said he has his dick against his thigh and he's rubbing it with the underwear. He said he must cum in his underwear. King said he doesn't because he had rectal cancer. He said he had an operation and he can get it up but nothing comes out. Howard asked if they removed his prostate. King said no but they went in to take the tumor out. He said it was there for 12 years. He said they took it out and it disconnected something for the sperm. He said they tried to fix it but they weren't able to get the catheter in there so it dried up. He said he wasn't able to do it because it was going to stay in for 2 weeks. He said it was really painful.
Howard asked if anything comes out. King said some slimy stuff was coming out. He said he cums but nothing comes out. Howard said that sounds kind of nice. He asked if it's as good as every orgasm. King said it's great because nothing comes out. He said he thought he was perfect until something happened like that. Ronnie said they knew he wasn't perfect. King said he thought he was. He said it doesn't matter what Ronnie thinks.
Howard asked King if he wraps the panties around his face. King said he lays them next to him. He said he looks at them. Howard asked if the stains get him off. King said they do. Ronnie said he must fantasize that she's in them and shitting and pissing in them. King said Ronnie gets it. Ronnie said the thing with him jerking off has to get him psychologically. King said that's just what he said. Ronnie said he must not feel like a man now.
Howard said Ronnie likes to cum all over Stephanie. Ronnie said no way. He said he's inside every time. King said Ronnie is fighting getting old. Ronnie said he's not fighting it. He said he's just dealing with it.
Howard said the interesting thing they found out was about the panties and what King is doing with them. He asked if he's face down on the bed. King said he's on his back and looking at the panties while rubbing himself. Howard said he's rubbing his dick with his underwear. Ronnie said he thinks he's rubbing it on the side of his leg. King said that's it. Howard said he's never heard of that. King said if he didn't have legs he wouldn't be able to cum. He said he can't rub his cock like other people do. Howard asked what that is. Robin said it's whatever turns you on. Howard said the panty thing is weird. Robin said that she can't think like him and she's glad about that. She said she doesn't know how to get into that.
Howard asked King if he's looking for the stains or the odor. King said it's the urine and the essence that's in them. He said it's everything about her. He said you can't hide all of that. King said that you have to do it slow. He said you might miss something. Howard asked if the panties go on his face. King said at first they do. Howard asked if he ever smelled his mother's panties. King said no way. He said he's not white. Ronnie asked if he's retired now. King said he is. Ronnie asked what he does all day. King said he goes to the bank and checks his balance. He said he goes to car dealers and stuff too. He said he's not bored. He said he'll put on his Rolex once in a while. He said he smokes a joint too. Howard said that's 10 minutes of his day. King said he has a classic Cadillac too.
King told Howard that Jim Jones El Capo is the album he wanted to tell him about earlier. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said imagine his wife finds out about him sniffing her panties. Ronnie said he thinks she knows. Howard asked if she's into him. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he's never met her. Howard said that would be interesting to meet his wife. He said he'd love to tell her that panty smelling thing. Ronnie said he wants to tell her. Howard said he'd love that. Ronnie said he would. He said he'd like to tell her about how he jerks off too.
Howard asked Robin if she would be turned off by that jerking off thing. Robin said she's not sure about how guys jerk off. She said guys all do it different ways. Howard said JD must jerk off like that. JD said he does it on his back with his hand. Howard said that's exciting.
Gary said Robin said she used to sit on her heel to get off. Robin said she's not a man. Robin said women cross their legs and swing their leg to get off. Howard said he didn't know that. Ronnie said sometimes they don't even know they're doing it. Howard said Sal jerks off with his legs in the air like a woman. Gary said Sal said he has to feel air on his asshole too. Howard said he's not up to anything like that. He said he's like a normal dude. He said he puts on the computer and watches some YouPorn and rubs his penis. Then stuff comes out and he's done.
Robin said that you have to wonder if King can really get a hard on. She said that it might be a soft on. Howard said that's deviance. Robin said she's not sure what's going on.
Howard asked if they want to talk to Jeff the Drunk. He asked what Jeff wants. Jeff was on the phone and said he wanted to talk about Cameo. Howard said fuck you. He said they just want to plug and it's annoying. Jeff said oh my goodness. Howard said this is he new Jeff. Howard said this is his new business. Jeff asked if he has heard his new music. Howard said he didn't even know about it. Howard hung up on him. Gary said he sings country music all the time to a new Karaoke app. Howard said he was putting on that new nice voice today.
Howard said Jeff is sitting home charging people to make messages for them. He said he doesn't want to promote that every time he calls in. He said he doesn't need that. He said he has to take a break anyway. Ronnie said he ruined the show. Howard said he did. Fred did his Ronnie impression for a short time. Howard talked to him about when he has sex with Stephanie and things like that.
Howard asked Ronnie for a sex tip. Ronnie said that this is good for everyone. He said if the woman isn't into it then you do other things. He said that what he does during her period they go through the love making process other than going in there. He said she will blow him and rub her clit while she's doing that. Ronnie said they try to time it so they get off at the same time. Fred Ronnie said that she has to rub that jelly donut so he can get off. He said it's like a Pollack painting down there. Howard said they have to get a menstruating Stephanie puppet in there. Howard said Ronnie is having fun out there.
Howard asked Ronnie what the hottest thing Stephanie has ever done for him is. Ronnie said that she'll let him rub his dick in her ass crack without putting it in. He said that they just lay there watching TV and he'll do that when she's not really into it. He said he can tell when she's not in the mood so he won't try. He said he'll go to her and nibble on her neck and then start doing that. He said she has a great ass. Howard said he'll rub his dick on her ass and he's done. Ronnie said she wears yoga pants that make her ass look great. He said she comes home and he's ready to go.
Howard asked if he cleans her up. Ronnie said he does. He said he'll get the baby wipes and clean it all up. He said he's a good guy. Howard asked if he ever hears her crying at all. Ronnie said not at all. Howard said he would pick up on that signal. He said there's a lot going on over there. Ronnie said he loves her. He said she's a great girl. Howard said he likes to hear that from him. Ronnie said she says it all the time too. He said her family is always saying they love each other. He said he was never like that. He said she knows from things he does for her that he loves her.
Howard asked if his loads have gotten lighter over the years. Ronnie said they have. He said it doesn't shoot like it used to. He said it's kind of the same load but it's not as strong. He said it doesn't have the potency. He said it's starting to slow down. Fred Ronnie said his sperm has walkers. Howard said it's a mature load.
Ronnie said he used to be able to shoot a load and hit the wall behind him. Howard said that's some house. Ronnie said it used to shoot right over his head when he was like 14-15 years old.
Howard said he's very virile. He said he's staying in shape by fucking a girl so young. He said that he has to give it a big thrust in there. Howard asked if she likes it hard. Ronnie said sometimes. He said sometimes there's drinking involved.
Ronnie said Stephanie has a trainer now. He said it's a chick. He said she wears the yoga pants with a sports bra. He said sometimes she'll put on a tank top over that. Howard asked if he bangs her after the class. Ronnie said he has done that. Fred Ronnie was making comments about smelling her stinky yoga pants. Ronnie said she quit the gym and she only goes to the trainer now. Howard asked how old she is now. Ronnie said she's 36. He said she's old. Howard said he's a stud. He said no wonder he gets angry when Gary asks where the donuts are.
Howard said there's a Ronnie update. He said people were asking for that. Howard asked what Stephanie is into. Fred joked that they went to Chuck E Cheese after they fuck. Ronnie said she doesn't like that. Ronnie said she's into old music so they're into the same music. Fred said they're both into Al Jolson. Ronnie said she likes the NASCAR stuff. He said she likes Kurt. Ronnie said he does what she likes to do other than going on a roller coaster. He said that's not his thing. He said he doesn't like Ferries wheels either.
Howard asked Ronnie to be nice to Gary out in the hall. Ronnie said he'll just find out next time. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard let the song play for a short time and said what a riff that is. He said he loves David Bowie. He wished that he could have interviewed the guy. He said he didn't want to sit and talk when he was on the show. Howard said what a man he was. He said what an original too. He said his look, his clothes and all of that. Robin said he would have enjoyed the exhibit at the museum she saw. Howard said listen to this. He said he'd play this over and over again if he could play guitar. He said it's perfectly imperfect.
Howard said he's downloaded every live version of that song. He said he's not sure what that one is. Fred said it was Santa Monica 72. Howard said there are a lot of people who cover his songs that are great too. He said he liked that Aurora cover.
Howard said he has to thank Governor Cuomo for passing that bill to stop people from declawing their pets. Robin said she hasn't done that since she started getting cats. Howard said people don't know how bad it is. He said it's like removing their knuckle. He said he likes Governor Cuomo. He said he wishes he would run for president. Robin said she thinks he was waiting to see what Biden was going to do. Howard said he hopes he runs. He said he's into the fact that he's into running New York State. He said it's a big state.
Robin said she's reading about how big a mess L.A. is. She said that's what Dr. Drew was talking about recently. She said they played a clip of him. She said that Howard may not want to go to L.A. because it's like a garbage dump. Robin wondered how it got that way. Howard said it's poor management. Robin said they had better get their stuff together out there. Howard said Typhoid Fever is back out there.
Howard said what's happened in their country is that less and less people want to go into politics because they're bashed so much. He said to run a city like L.A. is difficult. He said you have to be really into it. He said a lot has been said about Mayor Giuliani and Bloomberg but they were so into their job. He said the city was so much better while they were in office. Howard said he likes de Blasio and his wife but he's not sure why Cuomo fights with him. He said he's not sure what that's all about. Howard said his fear is that less and less people are getting into serving the public.
Howard said this guy Mayor Pete Buttigieg is something. He said he has been able to turn around the area he's mayor of. He said this guy turned it around. He said you see guys like that and you want them to be running. He said they end up getting put down by the trolls out there. He said it becomes less of a prideful thing that you want to be part of. He said he tries to cut some slack for people who run for office. He said he would have liked to see Cuomo run for president. Robin said he will. Howard said he does want him to stay in New York too though. He said he's selfish.
Howard said he read some email about Bill Maher earlier. He said he also got some email about Bobo's lesions on his head. He read some of those emails about the lesions he got from that wig he was wearing. Howard said they posted a photo and people were reacting swiftly to that. He read some of the comments they got about Bobo's head.
Howard read about what people want to do with the old toupee. Howard said he is tempted to have him in there.
Howard said one woman said that she is trained in applying the hair system and she says that Bobo must not have been cleaning his often enough. She said that the smell is so bad under there that you have to spray a citrus spray to get rid of it. Robin said she's shocked that someone would live like that.
Howard said someone wrote in about how they were so shocked they crashed their helicopter into a building in New York. They played a song parody about Bobo's infected head.
Howard said he thinks Bobo was shook up by that. He said he wasn't on the phone today. He said it may have been too much for him. Robin said maybe it was the Jason and Shuli thing.
Howard said people wrote in about Tan Mom being in the hospital. Howard said they got a lot of feedback about that. He read through a few of those.
Howard said he got an update on a news story Robin read about flying to the space station. He said the initial cost is $58 million on top of the $35,000 a night at the station. Howard said he thought it was more than 35 grand a night. Robin said you do have to be trained to go up there. She said that sounds more reasonable. She said you do have to be ready to take on space flight. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said he was thinking of another song. He said it's early Bowie. Sour said how about Star Man. Howard said he loves that too. Sour Takei asked for a guitar from Brad. He went into his Don Imus impression so Howard said he lost it. He told him to just stay in character. He said he was enjoying the concert. Howard said he was thinking of a song but he can't think of the name of it. He said he's fucking losing it. Gary asked if it's a long one. Howard said he's not sure what it is.
Howard said enough with David Bowie. He said it's time for Robin's news. They played a song parody for her. Howard said that was a Bill Withers song but this was Bill Pissers.
Robin asked if the Bowie song was ''Heroes'' that he was thinking of. Howard asked Gary to go through his playlist to find the Bowie song he's thinking of. Gary went through the list. Fred played Gary clearing his throat. Howard told Gary to drop it after he said it would take a while.
Robin started off her news with a story about some shark attacks that have been going on. Robin said one just happened in North Carolina. Howard said he didn't know there was an ocean in North Carolina. Robin said they have a coast. Howard said look at that. He said they didn't have a coast where he lived.
Gary found the list of Bowie songs that he had. Gary mentioned Star Man and that was what he was looking for. Fred played that for him. Howard let the song play for a few seconds but said they're not going to do a whole concert.
Robin read more about this guy who was attacked by a shark. Robin said he was bitten by the shark on the foot but it let go. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about what it was like. Howard said he was hoping the guy would sound like Spicoli. Howard said there have been 33 shark attacks around the world so far this year and 4 have died. Robin said a 17 year old girl was saved by her paramedic father who punched it in the face 5 times before it let go. Robin said she lost a leg and some fingers but she's doing okay. Robin said there are sharks out there. She said Charlize Theron was defending sharks in there. Howard said that's the only thing they disagreed on.
Robin read a story about the CEO of YouTube apologizing for videos that had homophobic harassment and racial slurs in them. Robin said they have not taken down right win videos by Steven Crowder though. Robin said they say they don't violate their policies. Robin had a clip of the guy making fun of a gay guy. Howard asked if this guy is gay. Robin said she's not sure but he is queer bashing. Robin said that he's using a bunch of terms. Howard asked if people watch that. He said it's so boring.
Robin read a story about this Straight Pride Parade and they have chosen a straight man to be the speaker and Marshall of the parade. Robin said that it's Milo Yiannopoulos. Howard said they were just talking about him in that clip they played. Robin said they say he has been standing up for the most brutally repressed identity of straight people. Howard said the straight pride parade is the Super Bowl. He said the gay pride parade is there because they have been repressed so much. Robin said Milo says that straight people have been repressed. Robin had some audio of the guy.
Robin said the Catholic church has come out and said you can't choose your gender. Robin said they have a guide for teachers. Howard said he met a guy who wanted to be called ''they'' the other day. Robin said she has met people like that too. Howard said he's not sure how to use that. Robin said you just use they as their pronoun. Howard said they aren't a man or a woman. Robin said they're not on either side of the spectrum. Howard said he'll go with that. He said he thinks Benjy is a they. Fred did his Benjy impression and said Benjy is a ''we.'' Howard said he feared for years that he was a ''they'' because of his penis size. Robin said they have a binary character on the show Billions. She said she is into men and women. Robin said they refer to her as ''they'' on the show too.
Robin read a story about Kevin Durant being injured while playing last night. Robin said the crowd cheered when he got injured. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said they don't want to win like that.
Robin read a story about Jada Pinkett Smith talking about cheating on and being cheated on during her podcast with her daughter Willow. Robin had some audio of Jada talking about that. Howard said he thought she was into him when she was in there. Robin said she was saying that the relationship has frustrated her. Howard said he was busy thinking about banging her. He didn't hear that. Robin had to explain what she was saying.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said this ''they'' thing is out of hand. He said it's fine to be tolerant but this is ridiculous. He said they're a she and even Robin called her she when she was talking about her earlier. Howard let him go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about Jennifer Lopez being on a tour that kicked off this weekend. Robin said she had her 11 year old daughter up on stage with her. Howard said don't do that. He said he has made mistakes as a dad but he knows not to do that. He said maybe she knows better. He said just let that kid have a childhood. Robin asked what if she wanted to do that. Howard said let her do it later in life. Robin had some audio from the concert. Howard said he writes about this in the book. He said he suggests that parents don't do this kind of thing.
Robin asked Howard about having worms at one time. Howard said he did have pinworms. Robin said this 4 year old kid broke a record. She said he was in so much pain and they removed dozens of worms from his stomach. Robin said he's from Cameroon. Howard said they have that kind of thing over there. He said one of his daughters travels and tells him about that. Robin said they look like spaghetti. Howard said that's so gross. He said this is why he loves this country. He said things happen but food is pretty good overall. He said he needs to have these agencies staffed to take care of that stuff.
Robin read a story about this Nxivm cult that was disguised as a self help group. Robin said Alison Mack was in that cult. Howard said he used to watch her on Smallville. He said she was hot but not as hot as the lead girl. Robin said they say that Catherine Oxenberg's daughter ended up in the cult and Alison would starve her. Robin said she was kept on 500 calories a day. Howard said the cult leader looks like JD. He said you expect a George Clooney or something. He said all of the girls had to blow him. Robin said they starved this girl for almost a year to keep her at the weight the leader wanted her at. Howard said JD is a good looking guy actually. He asked to see his face. He said he's actually better looking than the cult leader. He said no one is running Nxivm right now so maybe he can take over. Howard said so many guys can't get laid but this guy figured out how to get a sex cult going. Robin said Charles Manson ruled over those women too. She said that they say it was hard to see India Oxenberg go through what she went through. Robin said the leader made her do that. Fred did his JD impression and had him in charge of the cult. He was telling the women what to do for him. He was talking about his load being lumpy from eating filet-o-fish.
Robin read a story about Meghan McCain and how she can't get a word out on The View. Robin had a clip of her scolding Whoopi Goldberg over not being able to talk. Howard said it sounds like Whoopi is in charge over there. Robin said she thinks she is. Howard said imagine JD was in charge of them over there. He said they were delightful when he was over there. He said he was like a cult leader when he was over there.
Robin said the trial over Stairway to Heaven is still under way. Robin said the case was closed but then it was reopened. Howard said they say that Zeppelin ripped off this song but then they found out the judge didn't handle something right and they reopened it. Robin said she's not sure why it was opened again but they do get a new trial. Robin had the song Taurus by Spirit that she had Howard play. Then she had Howard play Stairway to Heaven. Howard said let it go already. He said it's very similar. Robin had both songs being played a the same time. Fred played Gary playing trumpet over it. Gary said they say the judge gave the jury incorrect instructions in the last trial so that's why it's been reopened.
Robin said that Kroeger supermarkets are going to carry CBD oil. She said that they're a big supermarket around the country. Howard said he has pain that he might be able to use it on.
Robin said that a lock of Beethoven's hair is at auction. Robin said it's expected to have bids between $15,000 and $19,000.
Howard had Sour Gary on the phone to talk about the trial between Bread and the Beatles. Sour was dropping names like Vinnie Favale and Dominic Barbara in that one.
Robin said that they say that David Ortiz being shot was because of a hit man. Howard said people are dying a lot down there. Gary said they're saying that if you get something out of the mini bar it may be poisoned. Gary said six Americans have died down there. Gary said he went to a resort down there. Howard said he loves America. He said he's not going to go to another country like that. Gary asked if he's ever going to go to Italy. Howard said he wants to go but it's too far and you know he's not going to go. He said he's not going. Gary said that's okay. Howard said everything is here. Robin asked why a hitman would be going for David Ortiz. Howard said the guy could have been crazy. He said you never know. Robin said David is now in Boston. Howard said notice they flew him here. Robin said he was shot in the stomach and he lost some of his liver. Robin said he will make his recovery there.
Robin read a story about the World Cup and what's going on with that. She had some details about the women's cup.
Robin read a story about Peter Max and how his wife has killed herself in their apartment. Robin said she died of nitrogen asphyxiation. Howard said she probably wanted to be with her husband. Robin said Peter isn't dead. She said he has dementia. Robin said the kids are getting involved and trying to sort things out with their dad.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes again and he was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression talking about David Ortiz. Sour Dog was rambling on and on about that.
Robin said that Celine Dion is rapping up her residency out in Las Vegas after 16 years. Robin had some audio of her singing her hit song. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the version of ''The Great American Nightmare'' Fred had playing with Robin singing his parts. Howard let that play for a little bit. Howard said they should open the Tonys with that.
Howard said they have to get to the show. He said Robin is going to sing all morning. He said that's Robin Ophelia Zombie. He said he asked where they get those clips in the song. He said they must be from old horror movies. Robin said they probably are. Howard said he's not sure which movies they're from. He said he hasn't seen Rob in a long time. Robin said he mentions that a lot. Howard said he gets uncomfortable getting to know people too well.
Robin said she was listening to Anderson Cooper's interview with him this morning. She said they were painting a bleak picture. Howard said he doesn't even remember. He said he hasn't listened to that. Robin said they were talking about how people don't really change. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he has a deep feeling that what's going to happen is an asteroid will crash into Earth and it will be all over. He said that's what happened to the dinosaurs. He said he's going to be like Trump and say that a lot of people don't know this but an asteroid hit and the particles from the fires and things blocked the sun and we had the ice age. He said all the dinosaurs died off. He said then this whole experiment with human beings emerged. He said there will be another thing that hits the earth and it'll be all over.
Fred played a clip that didn't fit in right. Howard asked what he's doing over there. Fred said he was trying to play another gay clip and he played the wrong thing. Howard thanked him for getting him off track.
Howard said how about that Jon Stewart. He said he's some guy. He said he's passionate and caring. He said he knows people who were first responders on 9/11 and they all got cancer. He said he knows 3 or 4 and they have had cancer or are in remission. He said they have no history of it in their family. Robin said this is a cluster of people who were in the same area.
Howard said Jon was talking to congress about health care coverage for these first responders. He said at the time everyone was very passionate and the fund that was helping them has run out. Robin said they only fund it for 5 years. Howard said these bills don't get passed quickly enough. He said he brought down the first responders and most congress people didn't show up. Robin said half didn't show up. Howard said he heard it was more than half that didn't show up. Robin said we should call out these people. Howard said Jon Stewart called them out for not being there. He said he was very passionate about this. He said he's actually involved in these people's lives. He said this would be his cause but he has a job. Robin said Jon is retired so he has time for it.
Howard said he thought Jon was great. Robin said he's there every time they try to get this thing funded. Robin said they want a lifetime fund. Robin said these people are sick and dying. Howard said he thinks they will fund it. He asked what kind of congressman has the balls not to. He said it was a right on speech and Jon did a great job.
Howard said Jon Stewart was really good with that speech. He asked what kind of cause he can get behind. He said he wants to yell at congressmen. Robin said she likes that Howard thinks there's an asteroid coming. Howard said there will be. Fred played a crashing sound.
Howard said there is space matter that falls on the earth all the time. He said it's tiny though. Howard said we're all safe, don't worry about it. He said Measles is coming back. He said we're all fine.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who talked about how great Jon Stewart was. She said he should run for president. Howard said he would be great. Mariann said it's been 18 years since 9/11. Howard said he's going to go in front of congress and speak but he won't tell them he's coming. He said no one will be there. Mariann said that she has her radio on all day long and all she needs is Howard in her life. Howard thanked her for that but hung up on her.
Howard said he didn't realize that Father's day was coming up. He said he was supposed to do promotion for the book but he burned out. Robin asked if he did his British interview yet. Howard said no and he's not going to do it if they don't get to him. He said he doesn't remember saying he'd do that interview. He said he told his agent to tell the book company to set it up. He said hopefully they'll forget about it. Robin said Michelle Obama was promoting her book for like half the year. Howard said don't bring that up. He said he's not going to do that.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon went on her book tour and she was selling tickets to see her. He said Jimmy interviewed her at those things. He said that he didn't get paid to do it either. He said her whole job was selling that book though. He said if it was his only job he'd be out there promoting it. He said you go to see her and they interview her about her book. He asked why anyone would pay to see that. He said Jimmy said people love it.
Howard said he thinks the book promotion was supposed to run all the way up to Father's day. He said it was going to end at the end of June and he was going to go to Italy. He said he canceled the trip and he hasn't done one interview in June. He said the first day of book promotion was tough when he did two interviews. He said he wanted to do just one a day instead of 2. Robin said they were robbing him of his greatest commodity like Jon Stewart said.
Howard said he's supposed to do more book promotion in the fall. He said he might go out to L.A. to do Bill Maher, Jimmy and Ellen's shows. He said he's supposed to be a recluse though. He said he's an out there recluse.
Howard asked if Robin hears banging. Robin said she heard it yesterday. Howard asked what they're doing in the building. Robin said they might have a floor that was rented out and they have to rebuild. Howard said they should have their own building where they don't do that kind of thing. Howard said he didn't notice it yesterday. Robin said she was hoping it wouldn't disrupt the interview. Howard said that was during the Bill Maher interview on Monday. Robin said it's not even constant. She said it comes and goes. Howard said lets wait for it and hear it. He hit the microphone. Howard said it's annoying.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he should announce he's running for president and run with Jon Stewart to promote the book. Howard said he wouldn't want that job. He said he has an odd reputation. He said they did a Q rating for him and found he had the lowest Q rating. He said they started that for advertising. The caller gave him more advice on running before Howard hung up on him.
Howard asked Richard if he knows his dad's cock. Richard came in and said of course he does. Howard said he went in and talked to Richard this morning and just went ''Heeey...'' He said Richard did nothing. He said he just sat there saying nothing. He said Richard told him they just sit around doing that in Kansas. Richard said some people do that. He said 5 minutes will go by and they just mention they heard it's going to rain on Thursday or something.
Howard said Richard said nothing in there. Richard said he could have talked to him but he knows he's busy. He said he could have said happy father's day. Howard asked how he knows his father's cock. Richard said he'd piss when they'd go fishing and things. He said he'd go piss right in front of him in the pond while they were fishing.
Howard said he saw his dad's cock one time. He said he caught his dad changing his underwear or something. He said his cock looked big and thick. Richard asked if it was cut. Howard said of course it was. Richard said his dad's is way bigger than his and it's uncut. He said he was big. He said he'd whip it around like a lasso. He said he'd shake it off like that. Robin said Richard thinks that's the way everyone grows up. Richard said he still pisses out in the front yard. He said it keeps wild animals away. He said they don't like the smell of urine.
Howard asked Fred if he ever saw his step dad's cock. Fred said he didn't. He said that would be traumatic. Howard said Sal shook off his grandfather's cock. He said he used to hold it while he peed. Richard said that cock idea was Sal's by the way. He said he has to give him credit for that. He said they're kind of a gay brain trust. Howard said most guys don't see that kind of thing. He said the idea is kind of wrong.
Sal came in and told Howard he saw his dad's cock. He said they would go to the beach and he'd strip down in the bathroom to pee. He said his dad's cock was like balls with a mushroom head. He said men were passing by him and they were all naked in here. He said it was disgusting. Richard asked if his dad was uncut too.
Howard said he was trying to come up with something to do to give away the book. He said everything was a gay idea. He said they had an idea to see how far someone would go with their dad. Howard said they had a biggest cock contest with fathers and sons. Howard said he and his dad could win that. Howard said they had Cockyoke where the fathers and sons sing into each other's cocks.
Gary said he spoke to someone who was in the writing meeting and they said it was an hour of dick stuff with Sal, Richard and Chris Wilding. Howard asked who has the time to get the dads down there. He said he asks for every dark idea and they came up with this stuff.
Howard said they had an idea to do a penis docking thing with fathers and sons. Howard asked how they're going to get people to do this. Richard said that was for an autographed book.
Howard said they had another one where they wanted people to guess how many inches they have between Sal and Richard. Howard said they'll try that idea. Robin said she wants them to cock dock. She said then they'll measure that. Sal said no way.
Howard asked when they're going to measure. Sal said they can do it now. He told Gary to come in there now. Gary said this is funny. He said that they have to figure out where they're measuring from. Howard said it's from where the penis meets the balls. They measured Richard first.
Sal told Gary to get over there and measure his dick. Gary got both numbers. Sal told him to jerk him off now. Howard asked Gary to keep that number in his head. He said that he's added the two numbers together. Richard said he likes how he's goofing on them. Gary said he knows not to take his dick out in public.
Howard took a call from a guy named George and asked if he wants to guess. George said before he starts he wanted to thank him because he just lost his best friend recently. Howard said they're trying to do promotion for the book.
Howard asked George what he thinks the combined size is in inches. George said he's going to guess six inches. Gary said he is not correct. Howard said they can round up. He said if it's one and a half you can say it's 2. Gary said then he wins. Gary said they were 5 and a half so the guy wins. Gary said here's how it went. He said Richard was at 2. He said he looked 3 times and it was 2 each time. He said Sal is like 3 but that little thing at the end adds another half inch. Howard said they're both like 2 inches. Gary said Sal is a good inch longer.
Howard asked George what he wants him to write in the book. George said how about writing ''Friend from the show...'' Howard said he'll write what he wants but he better be clear. He said he's writing now. George didn't know what he wanted him to write. Howard told him to have him give him something to write. George said how about ''To your friend Aaron Bressi.'' He said that's his friend that passed away. He said he loved the guy and this is going to be a heck of a memory. Howard said he'll write that. He did that and put the year in there too. George said he just found out his wife is about to have a third child too. He said there's a silver lining to the whole thing. Howard put him on hold after that.
Howard said he was exhausted from writing in the book. He thanked the guys for helping out with that.
Howard said they also have something going on with Sal that's unreal. Richard said he didn't even know about it. Howard said he's on Sal's side about this. He said it's pretty heavy. He said it's with Sal, his father and his sister. He said he wants to talk about it and get it off his chest. Sal said it's a good time to do it around Father's day.
Howard said Sal isn't getting his dad a Father's day card this year. He said they'll find out more about this later. He said just wait until you hear this.
Howard said in honor of his book they'll be playing some newscasts where they may have mentioned his book or not. He said he has an Underdog Dracula special they have to get to. He said this is unbelievable too. He said this blew her mind. He said she didn't know that there was a national Dracula day. Howard said he also has a stepdaughter Cuckold porn he'll play. He said they have a very full show today.
Howard said Benjy was asking if they want to measure hard because he's willing to fluff them. Richard said Benjy thinks he can get them hard by blowing air on them. Gary said the game is to see who gets hard first when Benjy is trying to fluff them. Howard was cracking up. He said no wonder he hired all of these guys. Howard asked if Benjy is going to rub them. Gary said he's not sure. He said he's going to touch them somehow. Richard said he's up for it. Howard said of course he is. Gary said he just heard he will touch him. Sal said he'll do it if Gary touches him. He said they have to partner up. Sal said he's not going to do this.
Gary said Benjy wants to sit in the middle of them on the couch and they take their cocks out and he uses them as ski poles. Richard said he's up for it.
Howard said he's not sure about this. He said he doesn't know what to do here. Robin said she's not up for this. Sal said he doesn't want a guy jerking him off. Gary said no one in the back is against this. Robin said if you can be made hard by a man then you are gay. Howard had Benjy come in.
Howard said bring the ruler in so they can measure them if they get aroused. He said whoever gets aroused is gay.
Howard asked Benjy what his idea is. Jason came in and said that as long as there's no completion they can do this. Howard asked Benjy what he's going to do. Benjy told him that he'll do this and he doesn't feel gay doing it. Robin asked what his pronoun is.
Howard got a caller on the line. He had Mike from Maine on the phone and said he's not going to give him a book. He changed his mind and said he'll do it. Benjy said he was hoping Howard would stop this. Howard said Mike has to guess who will get hard first. Mike said he's going to say that Richard is probably hard just thinking about it. Benjy said Richard's is moving. He said that Sal is totally retracted. He said he's not sure how he's going to grab it. Sal said his cock has gone into hiding.
Mike said he's going with Richard. Benjy wanted a confirmation from both that this is okay. They both said it's fine. Howard said Benjy is putting lotion on his hands. He said now he's going in. Benjy was grabbing both and Sal was freaking out. Howard said come on. Richard said he's rubbing his balls. They were both flipping out. Benjy asked if he has consent again. They both said it's fine. Richard was growing and Benjy was laughing like a mad man. Sal said he's rubbing his cock and balls. Howard asked what he thought was going to happen. Benjy was screaming. Howard asked if he's getting hard. Richard said he is a little bit. Howard said Richard won. Gary said he's more than 2 inches now. Sal said he thinks he lost an inch.
Gary said Richard gained an inch in this and Sal lost 2. Howard said they learned something here. Benjy said he wasn't turned on at all. He said he felt like he was touching his own cock. Howard said this is the gayest this show has ever been. Robin said they have guests sit on that couch. Howard said not anymore. He said they did this in honor of pride month. He said Benjy just gave Richard and Sal hand jobs. He said Richard got hard and Sal didn't. He said Richard must know what this means. He said he got hard when a man touched him. Robin said that he was never disgusted either. He said he wanted it. Richard said Benjy is a nice guy. Benjy said he was on camera holding their cocks but he was more worried about how his stomach looked. Sal said that's the least of his worries. Howard said Sal retracted like a real man. He said he lost 2 inches. He said Richard grew and flourished with just ball touching. Richard said lets see what happens with Howard if Benjy touches him.
Mike asked which hand he was using on which guy. Benjy said he uses both hands to jerk off but Richard's was his special hand.
Howard said how about another contest where Benjy blows both of them. Richard said they can do that next year.
Howard said he has Robert Kraft on the phone. He said he's very interested in Benjy now. Howard took the fake call and lasted a few seconds with that.
Mike asked Howard to write ''To Mike from Dexter... how did you ever know Richard was gayer?'' Howard said he'll send him that for Father's day. He said he'll put him on hold and send him the book.
Gary said this happened fast. Howard said as soon as he was touching his balls he got hard. He said Sal is in love with Benjy. Benjy said it's much sexier to go slow with a woman. He said that's what he was doing with them. Howard said you don't just grab the cock. He said when Richard's balls were being rubbed he got hard. Benjy said he saw the penis moving on its own. Howard asked if it felt powerful doing that. Benjy said it was weird. He said there is some sexiness when a cock is growing. Howard said he wiped his nose right before jerking the boys off. Benjy said that's the least of what he's done.
Howard said Sal's wife is on the phone and she's furious. Howard took a call from fake Sal's wife who said she's throwing his shit out on the street right now. She threw his hair spray and Propetia out.
Benjy asked if they're going to tell their wives this. Gary said they already know. Richard said his wife loves Benjy said she'll be fine with it. Benjy said that it's like if a stripper came in there and let them do things to her. Howard said he has very feminine movements going on right now. Sal said he has tits too.
Howard asked Benjy about what it was like to handle two cocks at once. Benjy said he feels like Andy Cohen. He said he gets grossed out by bacon and pork but he could do it for a stunt. He said that's what this was like. Howard said Benjy went out on a date with a trans woman. Benjy said he didn't do anything with her though. He said he has tension from it. He said he doesn't feel anything. He said he has had dreams where he kissed guys. He said he felt like something was wrong with it.
Howard took a call from a guy who talked about what they just did. Howard said they just had the two guys get hand jobs from Benjy. The caller said the one gay guy there, Chris Wilding, isn't even in the studio.
Howard asked if the guys would let Benjy play with them more. Richard said if it's to make great radio he's up for it. Gary said it is great radio.
Howard said he's wondering what Ronnie thinks about this. He said he thinks Ronnie is gay for taking stuff in his ass. Ronnie came in and said he doesn't know about this. He said he thinks Benjy is starving for air time. Howard asked if it was gay. Ronnie said it was. Benjy said it was a gay act but he's not gay.
Howard said this guy Marconi who invented radio never knew this was going to be on the air. He said Ronnie seems to be a little bit out of it this morning. Ronnie said he can't believe Richard is enjoying it so much. Howard said he got a note saying that Ronnie was watching the monitor out there like it was 9/11. Ronnie said he didn't think that he was going to go through with it.
Gary said Benjy asked for consent 3 times during that thing. He said they both said yes. Benjy said he didn't want to get into trouble over it. He said it would be weird. Howard said it's all over.
Benjy said he's not sure what it's going to be like walking out of there. Howard said he still has 3 more hours of show to do. He said he's not sure how he's going to do that.
Howard said one thing he learned is that he really didn't want to see that. Robin said she tried to warn him. Howard said he didn't want to see all three of them. Gary said he enjoyed seeing it. He said it was really funny. He said Richard is right about gay stuff being funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Sal has one inch of cock. He also wondered if Benjy got hard. Benjy said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks talking to Howard gets him moving more. Benjy wondered if they're going to do this every time they're at a party from now on. Howard said they might have to piss on each other next.
Ronnie said this is a whole new Benjy. He said he's trying to be normal Benjy. He said he's walking around out there asking if you want coffee. Howard said he claims he lost weight but he doesn't see it. Robin said he's just starting. Howard asked if Richard can put his dick in his folds. Benjy laughed. Sal said it'll look like a pig in a blanket.
Howard said he thinks they did enough gay stuff this morning. He said he's had enough. He said they have to go wash up.
Howard asked Fred what he makes of all of this. Fred said Benjy should let Richard do him now. Howard said maybe next Father's day. Howard asked if Benjy would get aroused if Richard touched him. Benjy said he though they did something like that. He said he's not sure. Gary asked if he can go 2 minutes with Richard touching him and not get hard. Benjy said he thinks so. Howard said he smells another book giveaway.
Howard took a call from Sour Takei who was happy hearing about this gay stuff. Howard asked him to turn off the sound effect of the plane. Sour Shoes did more of his George Takei impression and said he always knew that Benjy was gay. Howard said how about George and Brad come in and see if Benjy can get them hard. George said he and Brad are on their way.
Howard asked Richard if he would have cum if Benjy had kept going for a couple of minutes. Richard said he was laughing and he wouldn't have. Benjy said he thinks he would have. Ronnie said he thinks so too. He said he thinks it would be less than 5 minutes. Howard said how about they save that for a special on Pandora or something. Benjy said he wasn't sure who Pandora was. He said he thought that was some woman.
Howard asked if that's the first time a guy has touched Sal's cock. Sal said yes. He said that's the first time. He said a female touched his cock when he was younger. He said he was 8 or 9 and she was 20 or so. He said she pulled it down and wiggled it and laughed. Sal said he was very upset. He said he didn't tell anyone about that. He said he was very angry about it for a while. He said that he asked her if she remembered it when he saw her at a wedding. He said he asked her if she wanted to do it now. Benjy asked if she's still in his life. Sal said of course.
Howard said they might have to re-shoot this with Benjy wearing a wig. He said it'll be like a prison scene. Benjy said he's feeling funny about this now. He said the whole picture is weird.
Richard said that's the first time he's ever been jerked off by a guy. Howard said he doesn't believe that at all. Howard had Benjy try on a wig. Benjy said don't look at him when he takes his cap off. Howard said just put the wig on. Sal said ''Oh my god you're bald!''
Howard said he's putting this on the app today. Sal said he looks like a fat Shirley temple. Richard said he looks like Pat from Saturday Night Live. Howard said now he can jerk them off. Richard said he definitely won't get hard now. Howard said he looks like Mason Reese. Benjy asked if they're being sincere. Howard said he looks a little bit like Roseanne.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hopes the guys left Benjy some cab money after that. Benjy said it was kind of scary. Richard said he thought it was funny as hell. Howard said Benjy looks like Delta Burke. Sal said he looks like Delta Airlines.
Howard asked Benjy if he feels weird he had two cocks in his hands. Benjy said it's like a milestone. Howard asked if he has any PTSD. He asked whose felt nicer. Benjy said it was Richard. Sal said he wasn't able to get a hold of his.
Gary asked if he can finish this off with some lipstick on Benjy. Benjy said that would make him sad. Howard told the guys to leave him alone. He said it would look better with lipstick though. Howard said this was an exciting morning. He said they did the book giveaway for Father's day. He said this is the best book promotion. Richard said go buy Howard Stern Comes Again. Howard said they'll have this up on the app today and nothing lives long on the internet. They went to break after that.
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Howard said that was an exciting segment. He said Benjy just jerked off Sal and Richard in there. He said then they got Benjy into a wig. He said Fred said he looked like Johnny Sack's wife. He said they might crash the app if they put that up. Robin said she thinks they're going to have problems getting that cleared to put up. Howard said around there they just do it and don't ask.
Howard said he was up last night peeing in the middle of the night. He said Beth wanted to watch The Bachelorette. He said they started watching it at 8 but then the commercials are on. He said he likes to fast forward through that. He said he feels dumb watching the show and then sitting through the commercials. He said he was asking Beth what she thinks Hanna B is going to do. He said Beth would get annoyed with him. He said he was goofing on it but then trying to have a serious discussion.
Howard said he had to go to bed around 9. He said she told him to wake her up if he wakes up in the middle of the night so they can watch. He said they went to bed at 9 and he was sleeping in no time. He said he got up at 2 in the morning to pee. He said he got back in bed and he had a whole other hour of the show to watch. He said he thought she might be up so he made some noise. He said he wanted to wake her up but he felt bad. He said he wasn't able to sleep so he just made more sounds. He said she doesn't say anything. He said he asked if she's awake. She woke up and he asked if she wanted to watch the show. He said she's such a good sport. He said this is what it's like to be married to him. He said his needs come first.
Howard said Beth is sweet about it. Robin said this is why she's not married. Howard said Beth was looking around in the dark for her glasses. He said she has intellectual looking glasses like the teacher in that Hot for Teacher video. He said she's a hot nerd. Howard said they were watching the second hour of The Bachelor at 2 in the morning.
Howard said they watched and then went back to bed. He said then he gets hungry in the middle of the night. He said he has to lose weight. Robin said he is not fat. Howard said he is fat. Robin said he's not fat like Benjy. Howard said Benjy is all fat. Howard said he has skinny arms and legs but then his belly and hips are fat. He said if she saw him nude she'd think he's fat. Robin said she would not. Howard said he's skinny fat. He said you think he's thin and fit until he takes off his clothes.
Robin said she knows it's not that bad. Howard said he has body dysmorphia. He said he won't even tell his psychiatrist he has that. He said he doesn't want that on the list. He said some things are private. He said he's so fat Benjy won't even jerk him off.
Howard said he wanted to play this phony phone call this morning but he has to take a break first. Fred said he has to. Howard said it's a big deal so he has to take a break so they can talk about it.
Howard said he can't believe Richard grew so fast. Robin said that it was already moving when Benjy walked into the room. Robin said Richard has a belly even though he runs. Howard said he drinks so much beer that he should have a belly. He said he has gotten heavier. Robin said he hasn't gotten any new shirts so you see that.
Howard said he had his new Aerosmith shirt on from John Varvatos. He said it was a rather form fitting and it was kind of jiggling. He said he has another rock shirt on today. He said it's very Ronnie because it has skulls on it. He said it says ''Freedom'' on it and it has skulls. Robin asked what freedom has to do with skulls. Howard said he doesn't know. He said there's nothing free about him.
Robin said she can't wait for people who bought the book thinking Howard has changed to hear the Benjy segment. Howard said he has grown. He said the show is still fucked up except for when he interviews people. He said people tune in this morning and hear Benjy jerking guys off. He said it's so funny. Howard said he has to catch up on the commercials and get to the new phony phone call. He said there's a lot going on in that call.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he did awesome with that Anderson Cooper interview. He said it was great to listen to. He said he caught it yesterday. Howard said they asked if they could play it there on their show. Howard said they may do that with the Conan podcast too.
The caller asked if he can win a copy of the book. Howard said he doesn't have another contest. He said he has to get Benjy to come in there and jerk another guy off. Howard said he'll just send the guy a copy. Howard asked what he wants it to say. The caller said he wants it to say ''To Bobby, my biggest fan from Canada.'' Howard said that's it for books so don't call in asking for one. Howard put him on hold.
Howard said they're going to take a break and get to the 6 and a half minute long phony phone call. They went to break after that.
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Howard said now it's time for fun. Fred played some drops for fun stuff. He had an air horn and some ''Whoop, Whoop'' drops. Howard said this is a new phony phone call in the Rocky Pendergast series. Howard said this is more of a radio play than a phony phone call. He said Cathi has no idea she's starring in it.
Howard said this is Rocky Pendergast's Endgame. He said that Rocky tells Cathi about all of the parties he goes to and compares them all to Largo which is what Steve Brandano thinks is the coolest place to go in L.A. Howard said every time they call into the show the calls get more and more elaborate. He said even when Rocky dies at the end of the call Cathi doesn't remember.
Howard said in the last call Rocky told her that he was in a ski chalet. He said this is the last one. He played some of that call when they had Melissa Joan Hart as part of the phony phone call. In that one Rocky died in an avalanche. Cathi said he hung up but he was supposed to have died.
Howard said you'd think she'd get suspicious when they have Melissa Joan Hart on the line with Rocky. Howard said this is Rocky's magnum opus. He said it's over six minutes long. He said they can't cut this.
Howard said Rocky calls Cathi to tell her about going to a party in Papua New Guinea to celebrate the release of Howard Stern's book Howard Stern Comes Again. He said Henry Winkler and Pauly Shore are there and Cathi believes every word of this.
Howard played the call and Cathi takes the call from Rocky who tells her where he's calling from and tells her he's on an island near Papua New Guinea. He tells her about all of the people at the party and said they're celebrating the release of Howard Stern's new book. Cathi said she knows of Howard. Rocky tells her who he sees at the party and introduces Henry Winkler to her. Then Howard arrives and they have audio of Howard talking to the crowd there. Then they have the island natives attacking and killing Howard Stern. Rocky stays on the phone and Cathi said this is not the time to be on the air. Rocky stayed on and said that Pauly Shore is there. Fake Pauly says a few words to Cathi. Then Henry Winkler asks for some water skis. Rocky tries to get out of there and Henry Winkler gets on his skis to jump over a shark out in the ocean. Rocky tells Henry to jump the shark. Cathi says that they will bite you. Henry said fuck you to Jon Hein as he jumped the shark. Rocky ended up crashing into some rocks out in the ocean. Cathi was so sorry and said that she has prayers with him. She asked who on earth has ever thought of cannibals. They had her signing off after that.
Robin said she is amazing. Howard said that call cost $9 million to produce. He said they had Henry Winkler and Pauly Shore and a cast of thousands of cannibals. Howard said rocky was very busy out there. He said they have an idea to call Cathi again. He said at some point she has to believe that he died. He said next time they're going to say he went back in time to kill Hitler. He said they want to see if she'll stay on the line.
Howard said Cathi never asks if he died the last time he called. He said they're on a remote island and there are no police there. He said she was asking why he wasn't calling them. Howard said she didn't question the Henry Winkler thing. He said he got caught by the cannibals and then escaped.
Howard said Pauly stuck on the line while the cannibals were eating him. Gary said they were eating his spleen. Howard said he was on the phone with Cathi during all of that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has Howard's book and it's great. Howard thanked her for that. Howard said there's nothing wrong with a little love.
Howard said that was the longest phony phone call they've ever presented. He said he has to take another break and get to more. Robin said he has to bring in Sal to find out what's going on there. Howard said that's right. They went to break after that.
Howard said that's beautiful work from Collective Soul. He said he's interviewed these guys before. Robin said she's not sure if he asked about that song. Howard said he'd like to know who the song was about. He said his mind goes right to this person when he hears that song. He said just wait until he gets to Sal's story.
Howard told Sal to come in there. He said he's glad they got him that hand job this morning. Sal came in and thanked him for that. Howard asked what's going on with that out there. Sal said everyone is going nuts. He said it's crazy out there. He said Penny Crone is back banging on the door.
Howard said for those who don't know Sal's dad he'll give an primmer. He said he thinks that every human being should listen to this show every morning to know all of this. He said Sal's dad came here at age 14 and went into the pizza business. He can't read or write very well. He said he had a successful pizzeria. Sal said it was really successful. He said his dad gambled all of his money away. Howard said his dad was able to invest and now he has a comfortable old age. He said his dad was smart that way. Sal said they had enough money to purchase the buildings they were in but his father wanted to have fun so they didn't do that.
Howard said Sal's dad claims he invented round pizza and pizza toppings. Sal said he also thinks he invented the calzone. Robin asked why he was busy with lottery tickets if he was inventing things. Sal said his father hated all of the other pizza places and they were doing better than them. He said he hated them. He said it burned his father up so much that he was looking for a shortcut to making money so that's why he got the lottery tickets.
Howard said last year they played a game with Sal's dad and they asked him some general knowledge questions. They asked how many quarters are in a dollar. He said there were 75. Howard asked if his dad would get upset with him if he heard the Benjy thing. Sal said he doesn't listen but he'll just tell him it was a bunch of bullshit if he hears about it. Sal said he had a test of endurance at home once and his hands went down like someone making the gay hand signal. He said his dad yelled at him to put his hands up because he's not gay.
Sal said he won't even put in ear rings because his father would hit him if he did something like that as a kid. He said his dad hit him so hard once that he sprained his own finger.
Howard said they asked his dad what year he got married. He played the clip and Sal's dad was guessing the 80s, 70s and 60s. Howard asked what year it was. Sal said it was 1996.
Howard said they asked Sal's dad what Sal's middle name is and he said Anthony. Sal said he doesn't have a middle name. They asked Sal's dad what his boyhood dog's name was. Sal's dad said ''Fancy poodle.'' Sal said it was Pepe.
Sal said one day his dad came home and drained the water out of the above ground pool. He said they ended up turning the pool into a pig pen. He said his dad hated animals but they had his pig so they were happy. He said later on at the end of the summer they had a barbecue and they ended up eating that pig. He said they didn't know that until they were eating their pig. Howard said he didn't ask or anything. Sal said he didn't at all.
Howard said they have a new revelation for Sal's father. He said this is going to blow Robin's mind. Howard said Sal leaned he has two sisters that he didn't know about. Sal said he just learned about them recently. Howard said these are the third and fourth siblings outside of the family. Howard said Sal's sister found them on a DNA match site.
Sal said his sister told him about this and he told her to just shut this whole thing down so they don't hurt their mother with the news. Sal said the other women found out about it from the service as well.
Sal said he might have 30 other siblings for all he knows. He said these are just people who sent in their DNA. Howard said Sal's dad was threatened with a gun at his own wedding because he had knocked up another woman. Sal said he was living two lives. He said the day of the wedding this guy who was the brother of this woman showed up to shoot him. He said it's pretty wild.
Sal said he told his sister to shut this down and she said no way. He said she was going to tell their mother about it and call him out on it. Sal said his sister went through with it. Howard asked if she contacted the step sisters. Sal said she did. He said they all got together. Howard asked why the woman never told them who their father was. Sal said the woman was married. She told her husband that they were his kids. Sal said they didn't know that their father wasn't their father until the DNA tests were done. He said they suspected that his dad was their dad though. Sal said that this guy wasn't able to reproduce and they told him that it was a miracle.
Howard said Sal's sister gets in touch with these women. Sal said they're very close in age to his sisters. He said he had two women pregnant at the same time. Howard said he never had them come after him for child support. Sal said he had another child with the same lady. He said it was all good in their lives.
Howard asked Sal if the husband is still alive. Sal said he is. He said he has no idea if he knows about this. He said these girls are going to meet his father and there is going to be a reunion. He said his father apologized to his mother for all of this. He said this has been going on for about 3 weeks now. He said his sister is into it because they're meeting new family members. Sal said he didn't want to meet them but now it's okay. He said it's not their fault or his fault.
Sal said his mother forgave his father and they're going to have his mom meet them too. Howard asked if they're going to have this family reunion at Giants Stadium or something. Sal laughed. Howard asked if he has other brothers too. Sal said he had one who committed suicide when he found out who his dad was. He said that kid was the son of the pregnant lady whose brother was going to shoot his dad at the church.
Howard said he can't even keep track of this. Sal told Howard this woman lived nearby. He said he doesn't want to connect the dots. He said his dad doesn't listen to the show much but they're going to surprise him with his daughters. Sal said that was his sister's idea. Robin said she has a passive aggressive tendency. Howard said this is the worst surprise ever. Robin said he knows they exist. Sal said he knew of them. Howard said you'd think he'd want to see them on his own before Sal and the rest of the family. Sal said his sister wanted to surprise him on Father's day. He asked what kind of father's day gift that is.
Howard asked if the sisters are going to stop looking for more siblings. Sal said he's not sure. He said his father apologized to his mother and he said he's always been a screw up. He said it was all fucked up. He said his mom forgave him. Sal said we all evolve and try to get better. He said you try to learn from your mistakes. He said his mom never did anything wrong and just took it and took it. He said in the end she forgives him. He said she's a saint. Sal sounded like he was starting to cry.
Howard said what's touching about Sal is that an hour ago he was being jerked off by Benjy and now he's crying over this. Sal said he loves his dad. Howard said all he hears is that he kicked him and beat him and fucked everything in the neighborhood. Sal said that's true. Howard said he thought he was in therapy. Sal said he was but he quit. He said he does love his family. He said it's going to be nice to meet these girls. Robin said it sounds like they had a better life than him. Sal said he heard that they didn't. Sal said their dad was actually wonderful. Howard asked if he's bringing his wife and kids to bring the sisters. Sal said yes.
Howard said he's thinking about Game of Thrones and how the relatives are all attracted to each other. He asked how he's going to handle that. Sal just laughed and said ''Oh God...''
Sal said this DNA testing thing is bringing people out of the woodwork. Robin said she reads about it in the news all the time.
Howard asked if Sal is going to have the kids call these women ''aunt.'' Sal said they're not at that point. He said his mom is dealing with it and she thinks that it's just something they're going to move on from.
Howard said they have Sal's dad from his home on the monitor over there. Howard talked to fake Sal's Dad who was singing when they went to him. Sal's dad said he hopes there's not 396 more kids out there. He asked them to stop looking. Sal's dad rattled off a bunch of names of all of his kids. He was going on and on. He said he knows 200. Howard asked if he feels any remorse. Sal's dad said he does and he had a loaf of bread in his hand to hit them with. Sal's Dad said that he prays all the time and he doesn't sneak around anymore. He got a phone call and picked up on his latest girlfriend. He went to answer his door after that and he had a ton of kids at the door that he slammed the door on. He said those are not his kids. He said they're Jehovah's witnesses. Howard said you'd think he'd want a calm life after all these years. Sal's Dad said he owes $2 trillion in child support at this point. Howard said he has nothing to show for it other than his cardboard house he lives in. Sal's Dad said he has a great picture of him and Sal from the pizzeria where he was hitting him with the bread.
Sal said he has never confronted his dad. Howard said do it now. Sal tried to talk to the cardboard image of his dad. Howard said Sal's Dad also invented hitting Sal over the head with a loaf of bread. He said he can see why all of these women go for him after seeing him with that hair he has. Howard asked why he never used a rubber. Sal's Dad asked what that is.
Howard asked Fred if Sal's dad is worse than his step father. Fred said it does sound like Sal has it worse than he did.
Howard asked if Sal ever gets hit with bread. Sal said the last time he was hit was when he was about 24. He said he gave him a good whack. Sal's Dad said that's because his son is an idiot. Howard asked Sal why he got hit. Sal said he came home and he asked him to get soda. He said he asked if he can get it himself. He said that he threw him out of the house and ended up moving in with his sister. He said they didn't talk for like 3 weeks.
Howard asked what it was like when Sal's Dad had to apologize to his family. Sal's Dad said he has done it like 200 times so he's used to it. He said he's praying to all of these saints and he puts on a voice for that. Howard said he's acting in a way. Sal's Dad said he puts ice in the water and puts it near his eyes.
Howard said this is some story Sal shared with them. Howard said on Sunday he's going to meet his new sisters. Fake Sal's Dad asked what he's talking about. He raised his loaf of bread. He said he'll break them on Sal's head. He said he has to go get the Windex to clean his windows because they're very dirty.
Howard asked what Sal's dad does now. Sal said he goes to his friend's house and plays the lottery. Howard asked how he gets money for that. Sal said he's on Social Security and he puts it in from that. He said he has his numbers all written down and spread out on the kitchen table.
Robin said that she didn't have it as bad as Sal. She said that she doesn't have anyone coming to her door with this stuff. Howard asked if his dad is still making kids. Sal said anything is possible. Robin said a little kid could come up to him at some point. Sal said his father did go to Kentucky one time and he went there because someone was looking for him because he had made another kid. He said another time he came home with a fat lip and black eye. He said his father claimed that the radiator cap hit him in the eye when he lifted the hood.
Sal said his dad stopped dyeing his hair. He said he finally gave that up. He said he still wears the cologne and has that look that he's had. He said his second life was in his trunk. He said he had suits and shoes in there. He said one time they got pulled over and he had a gun in the trunk. He said his mom had to drive them home. He said the gun wasn't illegal and he got off.
Howard said he'd like to have video of this family reunion. He wondered how that's going to go when they meet. He said it seems like a good way to raise kids. He said they're sending a film crew. He said it's nice that he doesn't meet his kids until they're 30.
Howard said he'd be nervous about meeting them on Father's day. Sal said he doesn't know. He said his father admitted to it all. Robin said he didn't admit to why he wasn't in their lives. Sal said maybe it was because the women were married. Howard said he remembers when he had kids and how filled with wonder he was. He said imagine knocking someone up and someone else is raising your kids.
Sal said that the kid who killed himself his dad stayed in touch with as a friend. He said he didn't know he was his brother at the time. He said he'd take him out bowling and stuff. He said he must have felt guilty about the whole thing.
Howard asked what happens if the marriages break up from this whole thing. Sal said it's up to them how they want to handle it. He said one of the girls looks a lot like his sister.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said he must have this meet and greet for the app. Howard said we all want to see it. Sal said we'll see what happens next father's day. Howard asked how many kids there are that he knows of. Sal said they're up to 10. He said there are 9 or 10 that they know of. He said that's why he told his sister it's enough of this DNA stuff. Robin said some people want to know what diseases are in their family. She said others are finding out they have siblings they didn't know about.
Howard said Gary did the DNA test and found out he's black. Gary said it's just 1 percent. Gary said he's 67 percent European, 21 percent Middle Eastern, 11 percent Jewish Diaspora and 1 percent North African. Howard said he's a bunch of things. Robin said he's black, he's white... Sal said he's part silver back gorilla and part sleepy. Gary said he's also one of his father's 3 children. He said no one else has contacted him. Sal said after Gary his father quit.
Howard said these girls have never met their father and it's Sal's dad they're going to have to share. Howard said they don't know him. Sal said he has forgiven his father and he knows he loves them all. Howard laughed. Robin said he doesn't know anything about his father loving them. She said he just knows what he did. Sal said he thinks he loves them. Robin said don't say something you don't know. Sal said he would like to believe that his dad loves him.
Howard said he has to go to therapy for this. He said maybe his father doesn't love him. Sal said he did this stuff in the past. Robin said he did it when he needed a father. Howard said Sal needs help. Sal said happy father's day everyone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he did 23 and Me and found out that he's a bastard. He said his mom had an affair and he found out when he took the test. Howard said the dad who raised him wasn't his biological father. Howard asked if he went out and looked for this dude. The caller said some shit went down with his dad and there's religion and politics involved. He said it's hard. He said his dad came out and told him he's not his biological father. Robin said it sounds like he wanted nothing to do with him. The caller said he's now estranged from his entire family. He said he's writing a book about it. He said Howard is in it. Howard said he wrote a book too called Howard Stern Comes Again.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Sal gets a pass on everything now that he's heard all of this. Howard said he missed him getting a hand job from Benjy this morning. Sal said he didn't get off on it. He said his penis shrunk instead of growing. Howard said it was major. Ralph said he's taking advantage of the retarded now. Howard said Richard said he still has lube on his dick from Benjy. Ralph asked if he did them at the same time. Howard said they did.
Richard came in and said his dick is slippery from the lube. Howard said he stopped it when Richard grew 2 inches. He said Sal shrunk an inch after Benjy touched him. Ralph said he wouldn't be able to get hard no matter who was touching him in here.
Richard said the ball play was the best part of it. Ralph said he didn't know there was foreplay. Howard said now is the time to get the SiriusXM app. Richard said this is going to break the internet. Gary said the clip will be up sometime this afternoon.
Richard said he's not gay. Howard asked why he would say that. Richard said he was just getting excited because it was a good bit. Ralph said he'd throw up if Benjy touched him. Howard said Benjy wiped his nose and then started jerking them off. Richard said he really has to wash his dick. He said there was so much chaos after that he just forgot to wash it.
Howard asked Ralph what he thinks of Sal's dad. Ralph said he was going to do the DNA testing thing because he's adopted. He said he would never do it after hearing this. He said imagine all of these relatives pop up. Howard said he could be related to Sal. Howard wondered how many kids his dad has. Ralph said he feels so bad for Sal. Robin said it could be that everyone gets DNA tested and even more people will come forward.
Ralph said he thinks it's good that Sal's sister is bringing them to the reunion. He said he hopes he has a heart attack. He said he doesn't really mean that.
Howard said so many people are calling in with their horror stories. He took a call from a woman who said this is a public service from Sal. She said her mother in law brought forth some family members that no one knew about. She said good for Sal getting this out there. Howard asked if she's hot. She said she is actually. Howard said he knows that was irrelevant. He said the show is extremely gay today so he had to ask.
Howard said he's expecting a full report about the family reunion on Monday. Sal wished Howard and Fred a Happy Father's Day before they went to break.
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Howard said before they get into news he's going to plunk down the phone and give away some money. He said they got caught up in so many things today. He took a call from a guy who said that he wants to know why he's so nice to JD after all of the shitty things he does to him. Howard asked what he has done. The caller said he cursed Howard out on the air. Howard said JD is now in a marriage and they're all surprised about that. He said she's very attractive. The caller said JD wouldn't be in that marriage without Howard. Howard said he thinks JD would admit that.
The caller said he's JD because of Howard. He said he used to be Jamie. JD said he would agree with this guy. Howard said be a man here. He said it's true what he said but give JD some dignity. He said he has to feel he had something to do with getting married. Howard said he's emasculating him. The caller said Howard just takes it when JD goes after him.
Howard said JD's wife wears the pants in that house. He said he tries to give JD life lessons and the wife gets upset about it. He said that he has to stand up to him for her honor. The caller said he gets it but he remembers when Fred would get upset and Howard would get his wife on the phone and yell at her too. He said he's taking too much shit from JD.
Howard said he has a soft spot for JD. He said this kid works hard. He said he's in at 2 in the morning and working all day. The caller said he agrees but he shits on the boss. Howard said he never thought he'd be getting pussy. He said when he started there he wasn't getting laid. He said he is his Eliza Doolittle. He said JD lost his virginity at 25. Robin said remind JD about this. JD said he knows all of this stuff. He said he doesn't know what's going on.
Howard said as any good parent he has to take the knocks. The caller said he has to cut the umbilical cord.
Howard said he's going to give this caller Corin his book and $500 from Zip Recruiter. Corin asked him to autograph it for his father. Howard put him on hold after that.
Howard said that was nice. He said he has JD's wife on the phone. One of the guys in the back called in with a voice disguiser on. Howard didn't get the reference. Robin had to explain to him that she wanted to remain anonymous. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said High Register Sean is on the phone and wants to tell people not to do the DNA testing. Sean said that you're giving the government the DNA to create a clone of you. He said he's against this testing. He said he is for urinating in your yard though. Howard said Sean has dog men living in his yard and he thinks they're creating clones to replace you. Howard said normally his head would explode but he doesn't have time for this today. He said call back on Monday. Sean said he's going out Sasquatching over the weekend. He said he hopes he makes it back alive. Howard said the chances are he won't come back with a Sasquatch. Howard let him go after that.
Robin started her news with a story about this Vietnamese film that was made by a woman and it's defending intimate scenes with a child star. Robin said that this reminds her of the film where Brooke Shields was 12 and introduced into prostitution in a film. Howard said he didn't see that movie. Robin said it was Pretty Baby and it broke her as a huge star. Howard said she was only 12? Robin said she was 12 or 13. Robin said in this film there was a 13 year old Vietnamese girl who is naked with her co-stars. Robin said the director wanted to show what happens to young girls in her country. Howard said they could have gotten an older woman who looks young. He said that's what they do in porn. Howard said some parents really want their kids in show business. Robin said this director is trying to defend the use of a 13 year old. Robin said she thought that Millie Bobby Brown's agent might have something to say about that. Howard went into his agent character and spent a little time commenting on that story.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they had quite a roller coaster ride this morning. He said he had to close his windows this morning so the neighbors didn't think anything weird was going on there. Howard asked if he's using a phone or a walkie talkie. The caller took him off speaker. He said he was calling to compliment Bill Maher on his simple wisdom on things like not eating bread and sugar. Howard said he's not giving up bread. He said at what point is he going to stop. He told Robin what he had for dinner last night from the Chinese restaurant. He said it was fantastic. He said he knew what he was eating was wrong. He said he knows Bill would have said that wasn't good for him.
Robin read a story about a Kentucky hunter who is talking about a giraffe kill in Africa. Howard asked how you could kill such a beautiful animal. He said he fed one. Robin had him play a clip of this woman talking about the black giraffe she shot due to old age. She said he tasted good too. Howard asked who this woman is. Robin said her name is Tess Talley. Robin said they were trying to thin the heard. Howard said that's all bullshit. Robin said she was justifying it saying she used everything. Howard said he's so into this animal rescue. He said they have a beautiful Persian cat that was being over medicated and things. He said the cat is getting better. He said the Persians have doody that gets caught in the fur and people don't know that. He said they get cute cats and then they have to clean shit out of their fur. He said he thinks they put him on an anti diarrhea medication. He said his ear was all fucked up from that. He said the ear was losing fur and the poor cat was losing its appetite. He said it was all nonsense. He said they're giving her a lot of love and grooming her now. He said she's running around happy now. He said they're going to keep her for a while to make sure she's okay.
Howard said he sees these people killing elephants and giraffes and he feels so bad about it. He said they're the easiest things to kill. He said they're really advanced animals. He said he's not sure how you do that. He said we have to evolve as a society. He said he was so happy about the anti-declawing law Governor Cuomo put in.
Robin read a story about a hearing they had on capitol hill about the first responders of 9/11. Robin said Jon Stewart went there to speak to the committee about that fund and he was very forceful in what he had to say to the congress people he met with. Robin had some audio from that. Howard said he was on fire. He said he was proud of him. He said he really cares. Robin had more for Howard to play. Howard said he's sure Jon got the job done. Robin asked why he thinks half the people who were supposed to be there didn't show up. Howard said that's fucked up. He said he's not sure why they're dragging their ass on this. Robin said she's been on this since 9/11. She said they were lied to when they were told it was safe to go down there. Howard said he's going down to congress to represent people who lost people on 9/12 like Bobo. Robin had some audio of a first responder who said he's going in for his 69th round of Chemo because of 9/11. Howard said he knows tons of guys who were down there and it was just too toxic to be down there. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how she has 5 classmates who have thyroid cancer after being around that stuff. She mentioned she has Gerd. Gary said that's like acid reflux. Howard said he's sure Gary has something like that.
Robin read a story about the college scandal and said that the amount of money that was spent was very wide ranging. Howard said they never go after the people who donate a library or something. Robin said that's not against the law. She said they put it into the agreement that their kids get to go to the school. Howard said he didn't know that. He asked how they pass if they go. Robin said it depends on your major. Howard said what she's telling him is that college is a joke. Robin said it is for some. Robin told Howard a story about a woman who got a full ride to Harvard by making it on her own. She was homeless at one point and she was still able to get that full ride and now she has to go into that school with all of the dummies who got in because of their parents. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how David Letterman is wondering what happened to Donald Trump. Robin said that he was on a podcast talking about that. Robin had some audio of that conversation. Howard said Dave is right in a way. He said some of his views now are way out of nowhere. He said he knew he was for Hillary Clinton and he wasn't anti-abortion. He said he knew that for sure. Robin said she was reading an editorial about Trump walking away from the meeting with Pelosi and Schumer because he said he wasn't going to talk if they were investigating him. Robin said she wants to know what's going on in his heart and head when that's going on.
Robin read a story about the President and Joe Biden being in Iowa yesterday. Robin said that they showed that Biden would beat Trump today if there was a vote. She said he had a 13 percent lead. Robin said that could change over time though.
Robin said Trump is touting his tariff deal. She had some audio of him talking about that. Robin said Biden says that Trump is ruining our reputation around the world. He thinks he can help save it.
Robin said she thinks there's going to be some debates going on with the 24 democrats who want to run. Robin said that they're doing a debate later this month and Rachel Maddow will be moderating.
Robin read a story about Trump talking about a very nice letter he got from Kim Jong Un. She said he called it a ''beautiful'' letter. Robin had some details about what was in that letter and what Trump said about it.
Robin read a story about Kraft-Heinz food trying to get kids to eat salad by coming out with something called Salad Frosting. Robin said that it's actually just ranch dressing by another name. Howard said it's rebranding. Robin said they're trying to get the kids to eat it. Howard said just show kids pictures of the people who work there and they'll start eating healthy.
Robin read a story about a rape case against a former NFL player. Robin had some audio clips to play. She had more details about the trial and how they're thinking of retrying it after a mistrial.
Robin read a story about it being 25 years since the trial of the century. Robin said it's the anniversary of the OJ Simpson case. Robin had some audio for Howard to play from the day when they were following OJ's Bronco. Robin had some details about what OJ is up to after getting out of prison.
Robin read a story about David Ortiz's shooting. Robin said there was a guy who posted a picture of the man who is accused of shooting Ortiz. Robin said they're still rounding up people in that case.
Robin read a story about how Uber is going to be testing out a car that can fly. Robin said we have been waiting for these since the 60s. Robin said that there are no stop signs up there so that might be fast. Robin said she would love to see what that looks like. She said it sounds exciting. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:25am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.