Howard started the show talking about how he has a lot to talk about and a lot to do today. He said he's not sure where to start. Robin asked where his hit record is. Howard said he was going to send it back to him and he was going to rewrite it but he thinks it's dead in the water. He said he's fine with that. He said he thinks he's done with it. He said he needs a song like that Crash Test Dummies song. He started to sing that a little bit.
Howard said he's hearing something. It was a sound coming from his microphone. He said people at home don't hear that. He said it will settle down though. He said it's from when he breathes into the microphone.
Howard said he got a delivery of 100 of his books yesterday. Robin asked what he's going to do with that. Howard said he's going to give Robin one. He said he will give Fred one. Howard asked what's with the microphone. He said it blew its mind.
Howard said it was exciting to get his book. Robin asked when it came. Howard said it came Saturday night. He said the publisher sent them over. He said he thought it was cool. He said he worked on it a long time. He said he started reading it.
Howard said after the shows last week he met with the Washington Post and CBS Sunday morning. He said this woman from CBS was really hot. He said her name is Tracy Smith. He said she had a mini skirt on. Robin told Howard to stop being such a dirty old man. Howard said he liked her. He said she got his mind going. Robin asked if it was sexually. Fred found her and said she is hot. Howard said he liked her. He said he found her personality nice too. He said she went to Boston University and she's married. He said her husband works for CBS Sunday Morning. He said they met when they were in graduate school. He said he wasn't able to follow the whole story.
Howard said she was very competent. He said she was a very good interviewer. He said he teared up talking about Robin. He said he could have cried but he didn't. He said he was talking about what she means to him. He said he got angry with Robin for her making him look like a real puss.
Howard got a note about Tracy interviewing the Khaleesi last month. Howard said he would have asked her about that if he knew. He said she doesn't look like the Khaleesi when she's in real life. Robin said she was wondering where she was when she was in that Terminator movie. Howard said she's naked sometimes on Game of Thrones and then she shows up dressed like Little House on the Prairie when she's on late night shows. He said it's really weird.
Howard asked if Robin read about Gayle King pushing out some woman at CBS Sunday Morning. Robin asked if that was Nora O'Donnell. Howard said it is. He said Gary was telling him about that. He said they're going after a big pay day and Gayle wants this woman out. He said he thought she was all about peace and love. He said they implied that she doesn't like this woman Nora.
Howard said he couldn't live with himself if he pushed someone out of a job if he were Gayle. Gary said they say that Gayle thinks Nora is toxic. She asked for her to be taken off the show. That led to Howard doing his agent impression as Gayle's agent Lawrence Schier. He was playing the part of Gayle's agent. He gave his own back story about what happened there with Gayle.
Gary said it was just announced that Nora is going to be the head of the evening news at CBS. Howard was still doing the agent voice talking about what's going on there with Gayle. He was talking about her relationship with Oprah and how she got her to negotiate this contract. He talked about how Charlie Rose is gone and he had to get her in there to negotiate since Charlie Rose is gone. He said her ratings aren't all that big but he got her in there to make more money.
Howard had the agent talking about Gayle's ratings not being near George Stephanopoulos ratings but he got her a raise anyway. He said she doesn't get those big ratings so he had to talk turkey with her. Robin said she wants to say something about this. She said he's acting as if these numbers people get as salaries are based on ratings. The agent told Robin that they thought they were going to change the name of the show to the Gayle King Morning show. He said they were going to call it Gayle King and Friends. He said he told her she has to get her head screwed on straight.
Robin said they say that Nora is tough to deal with and people can't get along with her. The Agent told Robin that they broke all of that shit. He said they got everything they wanted. He said Gayle didn't like Nora. He said she once took an upper decker in Nora's toilet. Robin said she would not be involved in anything like that.
Howard came out of character and said he found that interesting that they forced Nora out. Robin said CBS claims that headline is false and they find it offensive.
Howard said Maren Morris is coming in today. He said he's been waiting a long time for her to come in. He said she's going to do that song ''Girl'' today.
Howard said Gary must have had a tough weekend. He said he was very phlegmy this morning. Gary said he didn't do much this weekend. He said he was phlegmy though. Howard said he heard him in the meeting this morning. He said it's just a subtle clearing of the throat. He said he must have had a rough weekend. Gary said it was relaxing actually. Robin said maybe he shouldn't relax. Fred played a song parody with Gary's throat clearing sounds to the tune of a Van Halen song. They went to break after that.
Howard said he's so sick of talking about himself. He said writing a book was a big mistake. He said it took him 2 years to write it. Robin asked how they got him to do that. Howard said Tracy Smith said she loved the book. He said he had a feeling they might have had a flirtation. He said she was doing her job and he was flirting.
Howard said it was kind of exhausting talking about himself. He said he did that for 3 hours. He said the book is about SiriusXM and his interviews and his life. He said there was a lot they covered. He said he wasn't sure what he even said after the interview. He said the producer told him they had enough. He said he took them on a tour of Sirius too. He said he was turned on by the fact that they have such good equipment there. He said it's not like real radio. He said it's like radio heaven. He said he got to design the studio and all of that. He said he told Tracy everything and then took her on a tour.
Howard said the writers and producers were sitting there and they all froze up and weren't doing anything. He said he barely got a hello. He said he asked Chris Wilding to do a character. He said Memet was out of his fucking mind. He said Jason told him that when he came in that morning and freaked out that they were going to have cameras on him. He said he put ice bags on his eyes. He said he thought it was his own segment.
Jason came in and said you would have thought CBS was there for the Memet show. He said he had two hands on his face. One was a bag of ice. He said he thought he looked fine. He said some of the other guys thought he looked like he was out partying the night before. He said the other hand had a tissue to dab the dripping ice water.
Howard said Memet starts doing stuff like that and he wonders what's wrong with him. Jason said he leapt out of his seat and went to fix his hair before the cameras were rolling. He said he was very worried about his appearance. Howard said the camera was covering 30 people in the room.
Howard asked if JD was part of that. JD said he saw him after and he saw the ice on his face and thought he had been hurt on the subway. Jason said they were all wound tight back there. Howard said he wanted to show they have fun back there. He said no one gets credit back there so he wanted them to be part of this interview. He said he has a great team there.
Howard said they may not even use the shot. He said he figured it was a good opportunity. He said Memet won't have to worry about being on. Jason said he's a talker and they were under orders not to fuck Howard's day up. He said he wasn't going to say a word.
Howard said he took them on a tour and he had walked around before they showed up. He said he was back where they do Lithium and things like that. He said he wanted to give them some promo. He said it's mind blowing there so he wants to show it off. He said everyone helps each other out there. He said they have Hits One and they have an office next to them with other channels. He said they all help each other out. He said it's like a radio co-op. He said they all help each other instead of fighting like radio stations do.
Howard said he was walking around talking to everyone and he couldn't wait to take this walk. He said when the cameras were on everyone was shutting their doors and no one was talking. He said it looked like they worked for an accounting firm. He said he got lucky and they were doing something in the Fish Bowl. He said they had the Bachelor and Bachelorette in there. He said it was Colton and that woman he ran off with. Robin said he ran off and jumped the fence. Howard said her name is Cassie. He said they are dating but not engaged.
Howard said he invaded their broadcast over there. He said he has a clip to play. He played the clip and they had Howard coming in and crashing their show. He went in there talking to Colton about his virginity and things like that.
Howard said Cassie had nothing to say. He said she's very young. Robin said she said she didn't think she could give him what he wants right now. Howard said Colton was very nice and let him smell his finger. He said he was joking of course.
Howard said this show The Bachelor is so dangerous. He said he's a good looking kid and he's on TV and their loves are ruined. He said he asked him what he does for a living. He said he explains that the girlfriend is a speech pathologist. He said he's trying to figure out what to do with his life. Howard said he told him to be a coach. He said he was just giving him ideas. He said then the guy was telling him he wants to get into show business. He said he doesn't think that's the right thing to do. He said he has to have a career. He said the guy doesn't have much to say.
Howard played another clip of Colton talking about how he likes the entertainment industry and how he'd like to host or something. Howard suggested doing the coaching thing and Colton said that's too easy.
Howard said he was thinking of having them on the show. He said he needs just Colton though. He said the girl doesn't talk. He said he has to sit him down and talk to him about what he really wants to do. He said no one in show business calls it the entertainment industry. He said Colton said being a coach is too easy. Robin said even calling football games is something he could do. He said he didn't even say that.
Howard said he has to have Colton on the show. He said he's stuck in the cult of show business. He said he met his girl and now he has to make money. Robin said when they get there they get star treatment. Robin said they fly him all over the world and they have him in nice hotels and in that mansion. Howard said he couldn't get into it with him there and then but he wanted to kick out Hits One and talk to him about what he's going to do. He said this chick is going to leave him if she has to go work and support him.
Howard said he wanted to slap Colton around. He said you can't do that there. He said he wanted to ask what he likes about the entertainment industry. He said he likes having 18 women trying to get him. He said he was looking at this appearance and he was wondering who pays for all of this promotion. Howard said the guy likes the entertainment business paying for everything for him.
Howard said it feels like they have 17 hours of tape of him for CBS Sunday Morning. He said this woman was very attractive. He said she was dressed very well. He said he had an inner conversation going on. He said he doesn't know what it's going to be. He said he wondered how he looked on camera. He said he took pictures and he thought he looked kind of cute but then he saw what he looked like when Jason sent them over. He said he took the shots in his picture taking spot. He said god knows what he's going to look like when you see this interview.
Howard said he noticed that he can change his entire face when he turns his head just a little bit. He said 20 degrees turns him from a 3 to a 7. He said he can look like a 7 if his head is turned the right way.
Howard said the Washington Post had their photographer there too. He said those shots didn't look so good because they took them in the green room. He said from now on no one is going to get set up in the green room. He said he should have done the opposite and done the interview in the green room.
Howard said the book is selling well. He said he has to do more promotion. He said he's doing Fallon, Colbert and The View. He said that someone was yelling about him doing The View. He said he thinks it was Bubba the Love Sponge yelling about that. He said he seems to know something.
Howard asked Memet what his fucking deal is. Robin asked if they just sat there. Howard said Steve Nowicki did a good impression for them. Memet came in and said they were highly exaggerated. He said he looked like shit and he didn't want to look like complete dog shit. He said he got some ice and did that. He didn't remember running out to check his hair.
Howard said maybe he could have said something nice about thing to make him look good. He said he could have done that. Memet said they were read the riot act back there. He said they were told to be quiet. He said Howard knew they were doing it back there but he didn't. He asked if anyone else is coming. Howard said he doesn't think he's giving that kind of access to anyone else. Memet said it's cool to see Howard walking around Sirius and all of that. Howard said it was good. He said one person talked to him and thanked him. He said Tracy asked if he heard that person thank him. Howard said he didn't and then he realized that when they came over there they had no listeners.
Memet said they all went back to normal after the cameras were back there. Howard said that's what he wanted. He said he showed them the room where they record the shows after that.
Howard asked why he has bags under his eyes. Memet said he doesn't know. He said Robin has said he looks like shit on some days. He said he just wakes up like that.
Gary said the office is backing of Jason's side of the story about how he wanted to look good. Howard said the guys aren't going to be on camera after they acted like statues back there.
Howard said they should have done something back there. Memet said next time give him a day to prepare. Howard said after this he's going into hiding and never doing promotion for anything. He said he's going to go into the wind and disappear. Memet said it's going to be a big thing when Howard retires.
Howard said when he retires he can't wait. He said he had a fun day yesterday. Memet asked what was fun. Howard said he woke up. He said that was fun. He said he ran some errands in the morning. He said then he painted for a couple of hours. He said he and his buddy Rick went to this woman's apartment to look at her art and her journals. He said they were talking about painting. He said he did some work for the show and then went back to painting.
Memet said money is the only thing that motivates him when he gets up that early. Howard said money didn't mean anything to him when he was his age. He said he couldn't wait to be heard on radio. He said he has to have a passion for something. He said he didn't care what he was paid. He said he was paid $96 a week and he couldn't wait to be on the air. He said Memet has the attitude that he only works for money. He said he's going to be in trouble. Howard said Memet has a fun job. Memet said it is fun. Howard said when he retires he's going to be harder to find than Richard Simmons.
Howard said they were like a morgue back in the office when they had the cameras back there. He let Memet go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was outside so Howard heard a lot of birds. The caller asked if there's a set of metrics for him being happy. Howard said he goes into why he wrote the book in the book. He said he thought it was going to be easy but it turned out to be hard. The caller asked if he's trying to reintroduce himself with this book. Howard said he wanted to write about what he was most proud of. He said he wanted to keep in mind what's interesting to his audience. He said he wanted people to read it who aren't in his audience. He said George Stephanopoulos read it and said he loved it. He said Tracy Smith loved it too. He said she seemed sincere about it too. He said he wrote it because he thought it was kind of cool and interesting. He said that's it.
The caller said he thinks he's setting himself up to be pissed and he loves that. Howard said he thought he was a much younger man in his mind. He said he booked a bunch of things to do promotion and he booked too much. He said he got burnt out and got fried from doing it.
The caller asked what's going to happen when they take things out of context. Howard said that will suck. He said he'll come on and talk about how upset he is.
The caller said it's obvious that Memet has a coke problem. He said he has ''delusions of grandiose'' something. Howard just hung up on the guy saying he was an idiot.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can read it start to finish or just jump around. Howard said get the book and read the first chapter. He said it sets up why he wrote it. He said then jump around all you want. He said that's how it's meant to be read. The caller said they went to his 60th birthday bash and they love the show.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Benjy was in that meeting. Howard said Benjy is like a part time worker there. He said Jon Hein and Gary weren't there either. He said he gave a bunch of credit to those guys but Jon wasn't there. He said they're like part time workers.
Howard said he would have put Benjy on if he was there. Robin said maybe he would have been the old Benjy if he knew they were coming. Robin said he could have come in dressed in his African garb. Howard said he would have shown off Gary if he was there that day. He said he was at Largo with Steve Brandano. Howard said Ross Abrish was there so that's what counts. He said that's his guy.
Howard said that was a very busy day. He said he has more coming up this week. Robin said the book is coming out in less than 10 days. She said they're very close. Howard said he had to ask them to embargo this stuff when they did the interview. Robin asked when it's airing. JD said it's airing this Sunday. He said they have Alex Trebek on too. Howard said everyone must be watching Jeopardy. He said that guy is such a genius playing the game. He said the guy looks odd smiling all the time. He said he looks uncomfortable. He said there's something a little wrong with the guy but he's brilliant.
Howard played a song parody by Little Mikey about his book Howard Stern Comes Again.
Gary said he likes it when he goes on shows and confiscates the cards. He said then they don't know what to ask you and they have to be themselves. Howard said he doesn't want to do that. Gary said he likes the pre-interview talk. He said he could ask Fallon about his favorite guests. Howard said Gary doesn't listen to him. He said he asked him if he heard him talking about anything that Jimmy might be interested in. Gary said he has those too. Howard said he has never taken the cards. Robin said he did once or twice. Gary said he's ripped them up.
Howard told Gary to get out of there. He asked him to come back and clear his throat. Gary went out to his office and gave Howard some ideas for what to talk about like Gayle King and horse racing. Howard said he hates horse racing. He said his dad brought him to the track when he was a kid. He said he won't get into that. He said his mother somehow got his dad to take him to the track. He said when they got home all he did was bitch about him going with him. He did his impression of his dad complaining about him. Howard said he has told the story a million times about helping his dad win money. He said his dad does not want bonding time.
Howard said his dad didn't want to spend time with him. He said that's why he's so fucked up. He said his dad didn't want him. He said he was gentler with his sister. He said he didn't enjoy being with him so it was very uncomfortable.
Howard said they went to the track and he told Robin this. He said his dad gave him binoculars to see the race. He said it was actually his mom who gave him some Opera glasses to see the horses. He said he focused on a pole and it had the number 8 on it. He said he told his dad that number 8 was going to win. He said his father places bets and he loves doing that. He said he didn't bet a lot of money. He said his dad didn't want his tips though. He said he would bring his sardine sandwich with him at the track and he didn't want to be bothered. Howard said he'd have two slices of bread and the whole can of sardines on it. He said his dad is just irritable. He said he's not sure why he even had him. He said all he did was cause him aggravation.
Howard said he screamed number 8 and the horse won. He said it was a long shot so his dad thought something was going on there. He said his dad gave him a couple of bucks to bet and he won the next 7 straight. He said he loved Jerry Mahoney so he bet on a horse named Jerry Mahoney. He said he bet his wad on that horse and he lost. He said it came in dead last. Howard said then his dad just went home and complained to his mother about him. He said the next 7 races he bombed out on. He said his dad didn't explain to him what was going on with his bets. He said he always came out ahead for the hear by a little bit. He said he did it for the sport of it.
Howard said he was losing left and right. He said his father had a system. He said he's not sure what he was talking about and what his point was. Robin said they were talking about the Kentucky Derby. Howard said he hates that. He said horses die racing and they don't talk about that. Robin said a lot have been dying at the Santa Anita or one of those places.
Howard said there are a lot of degenerates at those races. He said if you're not one then you should get out of there. Robin said the horses are tortured and medicated to keep running. Robin said they are often sold for meat too.
Howard said he caught some interest in the story about the Kentucky Derby. He said the horse was doing something that it shouldn't do and they had to put their foot down. Robin said they put their foot down because it was interfering. She said Trump came out and said it was a horrible decision. Howard said that's because he correlates that with the election. He said he's really hung up with that stuff. Howard said the sport says if you're going to cause a pile up then you can't do it. He said Trump has to stop tweeting. He said he spelled Kentucky ''Kentuky.'' He said he should stop. Robin said she has a piece of tape that he will find amazing. She said she'll have that later.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he can't wait for Maren Morris. He said he's excited there's some good music coming out like her song. Robin said there's good music coming from the country music scene. Robin said Chris Stapleton was on Game of Thrones in that dark episode. Howard said he wouldn't know because he didn't see anything. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Howard to death but he has to get over his daddy shit. Howard said he is over it. He said he couldn't joke about it if he wasn't over it. He said it's a funny thing to picture little Howard. He said just listen to the show and never call again. He said he might be insane. Howard hung up on the guy. He said you don't want him to get over this stuff. He said he wouldn't have anything to talk about. He said Beth tells him he tells her stories over and over. He said he's trying to make conversation.
Howard said the NFL draft took place a coupe of weeks ago. He said he could never play football. He said these kids take so much abuse from the game. He said coaches are such dicks. He said you have to hear some of these clips from football reality shows. He said it sounds like a nightmare. He said ESPN had a show called Training Days and they followed this University of Alabama team. He said he has a coach waking the guys up with an air horn. He asked why he would do that. He played a clip of the coach doing his thing.
Howard said he doesn't need to be woken up with an air horn to get motivated. He said maybe he needs that because no one knows what this guy is even saying. He said he needs to learn how to speak English. Howard said the guy doesn't need an air horn. He said he's going to work his ass off if he's having fun. He said the NFL is even more intense.
Howard said this show Hard Knocks followed a coach around for the Cleveland Browns. He played a clip of that coach screaming and cursing at the players.
Howard said he could do this without cursing them out. Howard said now he's the Jets defensive coordinator. Gary said they need this guy. He said they lack discipline. Gary said Howard yells at him so he does it too. Howard said they're doing a performance on the air. He said he's never yelled at Gary once off the air. Gary said maybe once or twice he has off the air. Howard said he bets Belichick doesn't do this. Gary said he bets he does. He said they're scared shitless of that guy.
Howard said there's a show on Netflix called Last Chance U. He said they follow a community college team. He said this is coach Jason Brown taking his job too seriously. Howard had a clip of that guy screaming at his team. Howard said he gets why they yell at you in the military. He said when you graduate from that program they have to prepare you for being under stress. He said you're going to be under fire with guns. He said most guys there are not star athletes. He said this is football. He said it's not the military. Robin said they go more for team spirit in the military now. Howard played more of the coach yelling at the team at the community college.
Howard said this clip is a coach and a player getting into a fight. He played that and the player was yelling at his coach about not having some play. Howard said the next day the coach had to apologize for being an asshole. He had that clip too.
Howard said this is like Moe from the Three Stooges who is just a little smarter than the other guys.
Howard said if you want to have some fun with this it's not just the coaches. He said parents are guilty of this as well. He said they played a clip a few weeks ago and they used those clips of him doing an impression to make a phony phone call. Howard played the call where the guys used clips of him yelling like a coach and having his son (Sal) call in to talk about what a great coach he is. They had Howard telling the hosts all of these crazy things he did to his son to get him to play right.
Howard asked what that accent was that Sal was doing. Robins said it was like a bad Charlie Chan. Howard asked what that is. He did an impression of Sal doing that voice. He said that was a good phony phone call. He said those guys were real shook up.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he handles his cat smell in the house. Howard said there is no cat smell in the house. He said the have fostered over 1000 cats and kittens. He said the secret is to clean up right after the cat pisses or shits. He said scoop it clean and it stops the smell. He said he knows people who wait a full week to clean out the litter box. He said if you have a dog you take it for a walk multiple times a day. He said do the same with your cat. He said clean up after they go. He said people won't clean up and then they want to get rid of the cat because it wont go in the box.
Howard said Beth is always cleaning out the box. He said they have like 25 cats now. Howard said this guy probably lets it go a few days. The caller said his wife does that. He said when you have a cat it stinks so bad. Howard said you clean it up then. Howard told the guy to leave them alone. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has Maren Morris there. He said he's been waiting a long time to meet her. He said that he's so burned out on crappy music and he has to talk about a good song when he hears it. Howard asked her to tell him about this song ''Girl'' that's on her second album. Howard said she has a story about being rejected by American Idol, America's Got Talent, The voice and more. Maren said she was rejected by them all. She said she didn't know why her parents were bringing her to all of them. She said she was a teen so they had to drive her.
Maren said she's glad it didn't work out. She said it's good to be rejected on the front end. Howard asked how old she was when she was rejected from American Idol. She said she was probably 16. Howard asked how you overcome being rejected. Maren said she never even got to see the judges. She said she got 10 seconds to perform and she did a Chaka Kahn song. She said they'd cut her off mid word and ask her to leave. She said they'd all have to walk home in the walk of shame.
Howard said he was on America's Got Talent for 4 years and some kids would come on and do original songs and he wanted that but Howie Mandel wanted them to do a cover. He said they'd argue about that.
Howard asked Maren about this song ''Girl'' because it's not really a country song even though it's called a country song. Maren said she was apprehensive about making it the first single. She said the label lets them do that kind of thing. She said this song went to country radio and it was a battle in her mind. She said the guitars were very rock oriented.
Howard asked if she was the lyricist in this one. Maren said she was. She said she and Sarah and Greg wrote the lyrics. She said Greg has done Adele, Beck and Foo Fighters songs. Howard said it's very rock. Howard said it cuts right through him when he hears it. He sake if that guy came up with the riff. Maren said he did.
Howard said he comes up with the riff and then she has to come up with a melody to that. Maren said it was pretty equal. She said they were honing in on it all. She said it's just like watching this quiet genius work and then you work in the lyrics and melody around it. Howard asked if she has a sense of pressure around the whole thing. Maren said before she met him she did have a lot of pressure. She said he's so humble and quiet and you don't even know he's done all of this other stuff.
Howard asked Maren where she grew up. She said she grew up in Arlington, Texas. Howard asked her about going to this thing called Grammy Camp. She said it's called Grammy U now. She said they had sections of the camp and they had a song writing class and things like that. She said it was like going to music business school for a week. Howard asked if there's a formula you can learn for writing a song. Maren said she didn't go to college for song writing. She said she would write them as a teenager. She said her way of writing is listening to people who are better than you. She said she didn't tell people in Nashville that she had 10 years of experience.
Howard asked Maren why she moved there and started all over. He said she was performing at 9. Maren said she was and they let you do that kind of thing in Texas. She said she learned to be on stage in those years. She said it was really hard and she got burned out.
Howard said she used to perform a Leann Rimes song. Maren said she was able to yodel like her back then. Howard said she was really able to sing when she was a kid. Maren said her parents own a hair salon and they were never wealthy or poor. She said her mom's tips would go to gas money so they could go to these honky tonks. Howard said they poured their money into her as a kid so they must have wanted her to make money. He asked if it was pressure. Maren said she put pressure on herself. She said it never came from her mom or dad. She said she went to public school and she did all of that stuff and it was weird having a double life.
Howard said she's hot too. Maren said thanks for that but she wasn't a cool kid. She said no one thought her singing was cool. Howard said that's pretty awesome that she was able to do that stuff. Maren said no one really knew she had this double life. Howard said he'd be walking around being the biggest asshole on the planet if he had that talent. Maren said she never did that because it wasn't cool to sing country. He said that it wasn't a cool thing.
Howard said country music is a weird cult thing. He said you almost have to let your fans camp out in your back yard. He said they will abandon you if they think you're too big. Maren said you do have to come across humble. She said she is humble and she has a good enough friend and family support group to keep her from being an asshole.
Howard said the fans are weird. He said he liked rock stars because they were assholes. He said they were banging groupies and doing drugs. He said that once you step out of that lane in Country they get mad at you. He said it's a very weird thing.
Howard said these kids on American Idol sing her songs now. He said she wasn't even able to get on the show. He asked if she likes that. Maren said she does. She said she doesn't have to go through that trauma again. She said she can collect a check.
Howard said Maren was doing everything right and she works at it and works at it. She eventually wanted to move to Nashville and be a song writer. Howard said that forces you to write great songs. Maren said it takes the focus off of you. She said she had never written with anyone else. She said its' nice to walk into a room with no ego. She said it was just to write a song.
Howard said she wrote a song called ''Second Wind'' for Kelly Clarkson. He asked if she gets frustrated when she writes it and she isn't performing it. Maren said not for this. She said that Kelly did so much justice for that song. She said that her mind set was not about her being the artist. She said she got that cut with Kelly and it really validated why she moved to Nashville in the first place.
Howard asked if she has any input into how Tim McGraw does the song she writes. Maren said she didn't. She said it makes you feel like you didn't make a mistake moving her when someone that big cuts a song like that. She said that happed very quickly too. Howard played some of that song. Maren said she got way busier after that.
Howard asked how she got into singing again. Maren said several people told her and told her she should. She said her publisher was always in her corner telling her that she doesn't get cuts because they hear her voice singing it like she does and they can't do it like that. Howard said she was singing so well that they weren't able to do it so they wouldn't buy the song. Maren said there is an element of being a working song writer and she had to struggle with that. Howard said Sia had to do that too. He said he can't imagine they heard her voice and didn't want her to sing the songs. Maren said she's such an artist. She said some people aren't built to do this. She said they don't want to do the touring or butt kissing. She said she totally respects that.
Howard said he respects that too but he doesn't understand it. Maren said fame can freak people out. Howard asked why that is. He said she's a crossover artist and she's getting calls from Elton John and Brandi Carlile telling her how great she is. Maren said that it's the loss of normalcy. She said they can't go to bars now because of her fame. She said that Nashville has a lot of tourism now and it makes it tougher to have a normal life.
Maren said the other thing is the international criticism. She said social media is tough. She said they will go after your songs and your looks. She said you have to sift through a ton of bullshit on social media. Howard said you do have to share your social life. He said they want to see everything. Maren said she does get some joy from clapping back at the trolls. She said sometimes you have to put people in their place. Maren said she doesn't go to certain places on certain days.
Howard asked when she got married. Maren said it was a year ago. Howard asked if they told her not to get married. He said there are a lot of pitfalls when you get famous. Maren said she met him when she moved to Nashville and they paired together to write a song. She said he has been there for it all with her. She said it's not like she met him when her star was rising. She said he's a star too. She said they share the same manager so their schedules are in sync. She said that it's not easy but they find a way to make it work. Howard said it has to be seductive to write a song with someone and fall in love with them. Maren said they were friends for years and they were in relationships. Howard said it has to be weird when that happens. He said it might be better to have that and create a friendship first. Maren said they would fall in love in bars after writing.
Maren talked about her ex and what that was like. Howard said it must be weird to come home and tell the person you're with that you sold a song to Tim McGraw and they're not happy for you. Maren said she felt like she had to dim her own light to make him happy. She said that's what it was like with her ex.
Howard said her relationship ended because he had a hard time handling it. Maren said she feels bad for him now. She said a lot of her songs were about him.
Howard played some of her song ''My Church'' and asked how long that took to write. Maren said it was like 45 minutes. She said she had the chorus honed in pretty fast. She said it doesn't happen like that a lot. She said she was driving in L.A. and listening to something on the radio and it was during that break up. She said she was just happy not to be home. She said she was happy to see the ocean and it was very spiritual. Howard said sometimes you just look outside and think how amazing something is. Maren said it's not a religious song. She said it's about where you feel not judged and free. Howard said the song is about where you get that feeling.
Howard said they say that geniuses say they get their ideas when they're driving. He said that's where you're most relaxed. Maren said that's true. Howard said your brain is thinking about driving and it's drifting. Howard asked if she sings into her phone. Maren said she does. She said she gets them driving or after midnight.
Howard said some writers say that if the song is good it'll stick in their head. He said he thinks that's bullshit. Maren said she will write it all down and delete it later if it sucks. She said she wrote that song and kept it for herself. She said she believed in the song and she put all of her weight behind it and it worked out.
Howard said she could have sold it to someone. Maren said she didn't want someone else falling in love with it so she kept it to herself.
Howard said he wasn't aware of her as an artist and then he heard the song ''Girl.'' He said he was blown out by it. He said it's the vibe of the song that makes him feel something. He said there's something about the song that just nails it. He said he's not sure what she's singing about and he doesn't care. He said it's the vibe he got that turned him on to it. He said he'll go around humming the song and he doesn't really sing it. Maren said he should come perform harmonies with them.
Howard introduced Eric in her band. He asked if it's her band. Maren said it is. She said they're on tour right now. Howard talked to Ben after Maren introduced him. Howard asked him some questions about the song. Howard talked to Eric about his guitar which was a Fender replica. Howard asked why a copy. Eric said everyone wants a vintage guitar. He said only doctors and lawyers can afford that stuff. Howard said he should give him his Telecaster.
Howard said Matt is on keyboards. They had a guy named Christian on drums. Howard said hello to her bass player too. Howard said this song is called ''Girl.'' he had them perform the song.
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said that song just fucks him up. He said he's not sure why he's in tears. He asked what it is about that song. He said it's magnificent. Maren said he's making her feel good. Robin said it's about being in your head. That's why Howard likes it so much.
Howard asked what she was thinking about when she wrote the song. Maren said he was thinking about someone who she knows abut then she realized it was about herself and she was cracking and it was like a diary kind of thing. Howard asked if she was thinking about having bad feelings inside. Maren said she wondered why she wasn't having fun with her career. She said she may have been taking it out on this other person. She said when you say it out loud it's sort of a mental health vibe. She said she wondered why it can't be played on a country station.
Howard said that's good that she can think about that stuff that way. He said your own head can screw you up.
Howard said that's a good, solid song. He said he liked the Harmonies too. He asked how they work that out. He asked to hear that a cappella. He asked if they perform it that way. Maren said of course they do. Howard asked them to do it for him. Maren and the band did their harmonies for him. Howard said that's awesome.
Howard said when she's out looking for people for the band they must need people who can sing like that. Maren said she stacks her vocals in the studio and she sings it all but on the road they have to have people back her up. She said she loves that bed of voices. Howard said she has to find people who sound right for her. Maren it has to blend. She said they play great and the vocal element of the show is a big part of it. Howard said he wishes that they'd do a 30 minute version of that song. He said that it really powerful on stage. He said he loved harmonies in songs like Crosby Stills and Nash and no one does that anymore.
Howard asked if they do covers in her show. Maren said not a ton but she wants to do more of it. She said she loves playing outside and she'd love to do it in amphitheaters.
Howard asked what song she likes to sing. Maren said she loves Chaka Khan. Howard said he read somewhere that this is the first album she sang to. He played a Cardigans song. Maren said that was the first album she bought. She said they had some way better shit on their albums. She said she loves ''Lovefool'' but she loved a lot of their other songs.
Howard asked what it's like to cover an Elton John song and he calls her. Maren said he called her when her first album came out. She said she thought it was a prank but it was a London number. She said she was flabbergasted. She said it was just her there and it was brief but he was very sweet. Maren said he said he hopes they can meet some day soon. Howard said that must be mind blowing. Maren said it is. Howard said Elton is one of the greatest song writers ever. Maren said he has stacks of albums sent to him and he knows so much about you. She said he's just known about people before they were cool. Howard said he loves music no matter what the genre. Maren said he's so on top of all of the music out there. She said he found her number and called her like an old school gentleman would.
Howard said he can't even imagine what that must be like. He said he got a call from Rodney Dangerfield after a Tonight Show appearance he did and he was blown away. Maren said she cried. She said she called her parents and told them about it. She said she got to do a cover of ''Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters.'' Howard played some of that. Maren said she got to perform that for Elton and Bernie and they said it was one of their favorite covers. She said that so many people have tried to do this and there's nothing better that the original. Howard said they should do this song in their concert. Maren said they should.
Howard said he saw that they're forming a super group with Brandi Carlile. Howard asked if they go to her compound. Maren said she would love to go there and see her place. Howard said he'd love to see it too. Howard said she's pretty phenomenal too. Maren said she loved seeing her perform at the Grammys. She said everyone knew who she was after that performance.
Howard asked what it's like to write with Brandi. Maren said she's lovely. She said her compass for songs is very good. She said they have only written a little bit so far. She said she has one of the best voices in the world too. Howard asked if she has harmonized with her. Maren said she has and she's on her album. She said it's a pleasure to harmonize with Brandi. She talked about what it's been like with the group.
Howard asked if she has a stylist. He said he saw her in hot pants once. Maren said she does have a stylist. Howard said she has to have that look. Maren said on an off day she just wears jeans and a t-shirt. She said she loves fashion now and you can have fun with it. She said she gets a lot of flack about what she wears from the prudes. Howard said that's what the country music people are like. Maren said most of her fans don't give a fuck what she wears.
Howard said he had to have Maren in there. He gave her some plugs for her new album ''Girl'' which is available now. He said it must be tough now that music isn't sold anywhere. He said back in the day you could make a ton of money from selling albums. Maren said that they still give out plaques for album sales. She said it's all streaming now though. Howard said she says that the way to get prepared for shows is to drink a shot of tequila. Maren said that's fun.
Howard gave her more plugs and said you can get tickets and tour dates at MarenMorris.com.
Howard asked to hear some Jimi Hendrix on that guitar over there. They played that for a few seconds. Howard found out they play a Sheryl Crow song so he asked to hear that too. They played a few seconds of that and Maren sang a tiny bit of the song. Howard asked if Maren knows Sheryl. Maren said she actually does. She said that she just performed with her on a song. Howard said look at you. He said it sounds like fun down there in Nashville. He said he might stick out down there. Maren said they can find him a cowboy hat. Howard said that'll work. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said Maren was very good and they were good performers. Howard said he's right. He said that song made him misty eyed. Robin said it's about how you drive yourself crazy with your internal chatter. Robin said that's why she said it should be done a cappella.
Jeff told Howard he's on Cameo. Howard said he knows. He said he can't talk to Jeff because he's echoing all the time. He said he knows he's up to something. He said he's either on that broadcast he's doing or something. He said he wants to talk to him but he has to work on his connection. He said he'd pay not to talk to Jeff. Robin said he's so lethargic. Howard said he'd like to hear one of his messages. JD said he heard a couple and they're not that great. Howard asked if he can play him some. JD said he'll have some in a couple of minutes. Howard said dig something up.
Howard said he's sure Fred could do the Jeff message. Fred did his impression of Jeff talking slowly.
Howard said he was going to play this tomorrow but he might as well do it now. He said they called the Wack Packers about his book and they told them all the big secret in the book is about them. He said they told Tan Mom that he took his kids to a tanning salon when they were kids. He played a clip of Shuli talking to Tan Mom about that.
Howard said they called Jeff the Vomit Guy and told him the big secret is that Howard is into vomit. Jeff bought it of course and tried to relate to Howard being into vomit. Jeff told Shuli about how his mom got ill when he was a child and he was attracted to it then. Jeff told Shuli he remembers Howard saying he likes him early on. Howard said he's the creepiest Wack Packer they have.
Howard said they called Bobo that the big secret is that he has a hair system. He said Bobo bought it. Howard played the clip and Bobo said ''No fucking way!'' when he heard Howard wears a hair system. Bobo said that just can't be. He asked how that's possible. He said it's earth shattering. Bobo said that's why he was so taken with him all these years. He said now he gets it. Shuli asked him not to tell anyone this secret.
Shuli came in and said that Bobo gave up the secret. He said it was the same day. Shuli said he reaches out to their confidants and he called Mariann and told her the secret. Shuli said it took Tan Mom 7 days and she told Adam Barta. He said Jeff the Vomit guy has no friends so he didn't tell anyone. He said Bigfoot just forgot.
Howard said Bobo gave up a secret of his own. He played a clip of Bobo talking about how he went into a room to get his hair piece and there was a book open and they had Howard's name in it. Bobo said he looked in it after he was told not to. Howard said he's sure these hair places show idiots like Bobo those pictures. He said that he was told not to look in that secret book but he looked in it.
Shuli said Bobo claimed he had never told anyone about that story but Mariann knew it. Howard had Mariann on the phone and she said her phone was ringing off the hook when Shuli was texting her. She said Bobo has been telling her about this for 10 years. She said she tells him he has to get real. Howard said he was told not to tell anyone and he called Mariann immediately. Robin asked if he's on the line. Howard said he's surprisingly not. He said it's one of those rare times.
Howard said in 2014 Bigfoot claimed the mailman was paying him for sex. He said Shuli called Bigfoot and told him that his big secret is that he was doing the same thing. Howard played the call and Shuli had a hard time telling Bigfoot that Howard had fucked his mail man and that's his big secret. He told Bigfoot not to tell anyone.
Shuli said he works in a glass office and people are walking by hearing him yelling. Robin asked why he can't turn down the music in the background. Howard said they lost the remote for the TV so they don't want to get up and turn it off. Shuli said the TV is on all the time.
Howard said he has a Jeff the Drunk Cameo message. He said he hates this Cameo. Howard said it's $55 for this shit. Howard played Jeff's message for someone named Curt and he had to explain to the guy who he is. Howard said this is so boring. Shuli said someone paid for this one. He said the one where he greets you is just gross.
Howard said Jeff is lighting the world on fire with his Cameo. He had him on the phone again. He played the message where Jeff was going on and on with his boring message. Shuli said that the trolls are going to really fuck with him with this.
Howard said he has another one where Jeff talks to a guy named Chris. He played that one and they goofed on the way Jeff talks. Jeff said he did that one last night. Howard said Jeff gets the same amount as Tawny Kitaen and Kato Kaelin. He said they'll jump out a window when they find that out. Jeff said he didn't look into it before he signed up. Howard asked how many he's done so far. Jeff said he's only done six.
Howard said he would never pay for anything like this. He played more of Jeff's message.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked why he has to drag Howard's name into this. He asked if he can leave that out. Jeff told him to leave him alone. Ralph said he's just some mental patient who calls into the show. Jeff said he was asked to say that stuff. He said fuck you Ralph. Ralph asked why he would make a message for someone who has no idea who he is. Jeff told him to fuck off.
Howard said he's not on the Howard Stern Show. He said Ralph is right. Ralph said he's running around saying he's from the Howard Stern show. Jeff said he makes a valid point in that message if you play more of it.
Howard played another message that Jeff made for Tim and Robin. In that one Jeff was telling Robin he'll pull out the big guns for her if Tim can't do it. He does that clicking sound for them too. Howard asked what that is. He said people used to have a horse and buggy and they'd make that sound for the horse. He said he sees guys doing that on the street when they see hot women. Howard asked Jeff if that's why he does that. Jeff said no. Howard said that's his signal that she should fuck him. Ralph said Jeff is just a mess. Howard asked why he does that noise. Jeff said he knew a guy who did that and that guy was someone he worked with. He said that was Jerry. He said big shout out to Jerry.
Howard said he guarantees Jeff does that sound to women. Jeff said once when he got his license he drove down to get gas and he saw a real hot chick and he pulled up to a girl and slammed the door right on his bad arm. Howard said he can't feel pain there. Jeff said it hurt like hell. Howard said he didn't know he could feel in that arm. Jeff said he felt that. He said he has pain there. Howard said this is fascinating but he has to go.
Howard said Medicated Pete gets $75 for his messages. Jeff said so does High Pitch Erik. Ralph asked if he tried to get that much and didn't. Jeff said he didn't. Howard asked if he thinks he's bigger than those two. Jeff said he thinks he's bigger physically. Howard asked if he really thinks he's bigger on the show. Jeff said come on. Howard said Medicated Pete is good every time he's on the show. Jeff laughed. Howard said it must be true because he's only getting $55. Jeff said he could change it right fucking now. Howard said they're going to price him right out of business. Jeff upped the amount. Howard let Ralph go and said he'll see him later.
Howard asked if Jeff changed it. Jeff kept saying he changed the price. Howard asked when he'll see the changes. Jeff said it's up there now.
JD said someone has complained about the message he got from Jeff. It turns out Jeff got some names wrong. Jeff said he got some mixed up. Howard said he should be a professional. Howard said he only did 6 of them so he's confused. Howard said he has nothing else to do all day but get that name right. Jeff said he got that one in one take. Howard played him off with a song parody about being a free loader. He let Jeff go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read about Meghan Markle giving birth. Howard said he's not sure why but he doesn't care. Robin said a lot of people do. Robin said it's like the Kim Kardashian thing but they call themselves royal.
Robin read a story about the sultan of Brunei changing his tune on the laws in the country after a call for a boycott on his hotels. Robin asked if Howard would go back to those hotels. Howard said he's not going to go there because he's pro-gay. He said if the guy is even thinking about killing someone over that he's not going to go to his hotels.
Robin read a story about Luke Perry being buried in a mushroom suit when he was laid to rest earlier this year. Howard said he didn't see that one coming. Robin said the thing about this is that he had just gotten a role in the latest Quentin Tarantino movie. Howard said life's a bitch. Robin said she's sure that he would have been a big part of the movie premiere. Robin said Timothy Olyphant was in the film with Luke too. Robin had some audio of Olyphant talking about how he's going to miss the guy. Robin said Luke is missing out on that whole thing. Howard said he should have had a bigger career. He said he made a couple of bad choices early on. He said now he'll probably have a hit. Howard did a live commercial read after that. Howard said he's thinking about the mushroom bag and what that might be. He said he thinks that's a bag made of mushrooms instead of a casket. He said he might have a mushroom growing out of an eye socket right now. He said that guy had it all in his day. Robin said it's a strange trip this life.
Robin read a story about a guy named Riley Howell being laid to rest yesterday. Robin said he was the guy who ran toward the shooter in South Carolina. Robin said he knocked the guy to the ground but he got killed in the process. Howard said what a shame. Robin said he was an officer in the training corps and he did what they were trained to do. Howard said he would have done the same thing. Robin said ''Really?'' She said she knows Howard would be running. Howard said what a brave guy that was. Robin had some audio of his girlfriend talking about Riley. Robin said the gunman is facing murder and attempted murder charges.
Robin read a story about the GLAAD awards and how she's tired of reading about how they're doing the expected things. Robin said they honored Andy Cohen and Madonna this year. Robin said Howard does more for the gay community. Howard said he has been offered the award in the past. He said he thinks that's true. He said his agent may have mentioned something about that. He said maybe it wasn't GLAAD. He said he's not going to take an award just for having the right view on something. He said he doesn't need awards anyway. He said he has a weird way of looking at life. He said he'd feel very strange just for having the right view. He said he can't imagine the dark side of holding it against some dude for wanting to have sex with another dude. Robin said it brings awareness though. Howard said so odes his show. Robin had some audio of Madonna's speech and had Howard play some of that. She was promoting her new album so Howard said maybe he should go promote his new book at something like that. Robin had a clip of Andy Cohen's speech too.
Robin read a story about Kelly Clarkson being rushed to the hospital after the Billboard Awards. Robin said she had appendicitis. Robin had some audio of her singing during the show while she was in pain. Howard said that's no joke. He said he's been bleeding from his asshole the whole show today. Howard said that's impressive she was doing that while she was so ill. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Kentucky Derby. She had some audio of the race win being called and then the petition for a complaint about the winner. Howard said never throw out your ticket until they call the race official. Robin said the president weighed in and said this is because of political correctness that they did this.
Robin read a story about President Trump having Tiger Woods to the White House to give him a medal. Robin said they're saying that Trump has been tied in with Tiger since the beginning of his career. Robin said this is promoting his businesses. Robin said Trump had Tiger design some golf course in Dubai for him. Robin said he was right on this when Tiger won. Howard said if he had voted for Trump he thinks he'd be getting some medal too.
Robin read a story about William Barr and had some audio of his testimony from last week. Robin said the president was saying he doesn't mind who talks about this Mueller report and now he's saying he doesn't want Mueller to testify. Howard said if you're innocent then just let the guy talk.
Robin read a story about President Trump calling Vladimir Putin and talking to him about the Mueller report. Robin had some audio of Trump saying that Putin said it started out as a mountain and turned out to be a mouse. Robin asked if he herd that. Howard said he got that wrong. Robin said he also said Putin smiled but he was on a phone call with the guy so how would he know that. Robin said that he can't tell the truth about anything. She said he's making stuff up about seeing him smiling over the phone.
Robin read a story about Michael Cohen going to prison today. Robin said he's going to be up in Otisville, New York. Robin said he'll be in there with The Situation and people like that. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what it's like up there on the Donny Deutsch show.
Robin read a story about Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden grappling with each other over who is the most progressive candidate for 2020. Robin had some clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Peter Mayhew passing away. He played Chewbacca in the Star Wars movies. Robin said he was 74 years old. Robin had some audio from a Star Wars movie where Chewbacca was talking to Han Solo. Robin said at the time he got the job he was working as a hospital orderly. Howard said to give a eulogy he has Jabba the Hutt on the phone. He took the call and the guys were playing Jabba audio drops.
Robin read a story about the Daytime Emmys and who won when they were given out last week. Robin ran down some of the winners.
Robin read a story about Diana Ross being roughed up at the airport by the TSA. Robin said she claims the officer put his hands between her legs. Robin said that's the way it goes these days.
Robin read a story about how Busy Phillips' talk show was canceled. Howard said hard to believe. He jokingly said he thought it was cutting edge. Howard said apparently all of the viewers were ''busy.''
Robin said she saw The Avengers: Endgame and loved it. She said she didn't like infinity War. Howard said he can't wait to see it but no one is sending him a copy. Robin said it is the second highest grossing film of all time already. Robin said it will probably close in on the $2.8 billion made by Avatar. Howard said he wishes all movies were super hero movies.
Robin read a story about Adele working on a new album. Robin said she's announced she is separating from her husband and they may get some new music out of that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he feels like he's been up for days. He got up early this morning. He said he hates that. He said it was super early. He let out a belch and Robin said there's a lot going on over there.
Howard said he's been listening to Richard's dad talking to Richard. He said he hasn't been playing that stuff lately. He said it's so great listening to it. He said he has a bunch saved up. He said he starts talking like him when he listens. Howard said Richard has moved to the suburbs and he has ants in his house. He said Richard was convinced he had an ant living in his ear. He said you'd think he'd go to the emergency room but he came to work asking Steve Nowicki to examine him instead. He said Steve works there so he has no medical credentials. He said at least Robin was a nurse. Howard said Nowicki was there with a flashlight looking in Richard's ear. He said it was so gross. He said Steve confirmed he was clean.
Howard said they were talking to Richard and said maybe an ant ate his brain so he's not thinking so clearly. He said Richard has a broken toe too. He said he's a runner and he's training for a marathon. He said he mangled his toe so bad they were going to have to cut it off. He said Richard doesn't care and he thinks he doesn't need a toe. He said someone said it can affect your equilibrium and he didn't know what that was. Howard said he has this cavalier attitude about his body.
Howard said Richard is running a half marathon in a week and he's going to do it with the broken toe. He said all of his toes are bloody and he's obviously wearing the wrong shoes.
Howard asked Richard where he is. Richard came in a short time later. He told Howard he hit his toe on something and broke it. He said the other toes are turning to the side like George Takei's. Robin said that has to do with the shoes he's wearing.
Howard asked why he thought he had an ant in his ear. Richard said it tickled really bad. Howard said that's probably because he doesn't clean them. Richard said that's true.
Howard asked why he had Steve check his ear. Richard said he trusts him and he's really good at everything he does. Howard said Steve told him about his toenails looking gross. Richard asked if he wants to see them. Howard said maybe not. Richard said maybe a picture. Howard said okay to that. He took a look and asked what's going on down there. Richard said he has a really bruised toe from it being broke. Robin took a look and said that's so sad. Howard asked what Steve is going to do for that. Richard said he's going to tape it up.
Richard said he smacked his toe into a pipe in his basement and broke it. He said he's going to run this half marathon. He said they do it every year. Richard said he feels like he will accomplish something. Howard said he can't even walk. He had him walk and said he looks like a penguin. Richard said he looks like Igor. Howard said imagine after a half marathon what it will be like. Richard said the foot doctor said it's going to swell up and he will untape it and put it on ice after. Howard asked why he'd do that to himself. Richard said they look forward to this every year. He said they've been planning it all year.
Howard said just sit it out. Richard said he'd feel too guilty not running. Robin said she remembers there being a storm and Richard didn't come to work but this he'll do.
Howard asked if Robin wants to hear Richard's dad. Robin said sure. Howard said he loves hearing him. He said he seems to really love his son. Richard said his dad had an issue with his foot. He got shot in the foot when his uncle was trying to shoot a squirrel. Howard said he's lucky that he didn't get shot in the head.
Howard said Richard lived in Kansas and his dad still lives there. He said he keeps him up to date on what's happening out there. He said everything dies out there. He said they have a peach tree and they can't get peaches. Richard said they have a rooster that digs up his mom's garden too.
Howard said Richard boycotted the Super Bowl and his parents were talking about doing the same. Howard played a clip of both of his parents talking about possibly not watching the game. Howard said it's kind of sweet listening to them. Robin said it's like the Beverly Hillbillies. Howard said he's surprised they had a TV. Richard said they had one of those huge satellite dishes that took up half their yard. He said it got struck by lightning and they never used it again.
Richard said they used to just watch the clouds rolling in when a storm was coming. Howard said that's kind of nice. He said these days you want something like that in this day of cell phones.
Howard said it's funny that they can't grow anything on a farm. He said they're sitting around watching the maggots eating a raccoon corpse. Richard said he stepped in a coyote corpse once.
Howard played another clip of Richard's dad talking about going grasshopper hunting at night. He said there was a big rattlesnake in the road and he chased it off so it wouldn't get run over. He said you never know what's in the weeds on the side of the road.
Robin said it's funny that he said that he doesn't know what's on the side of the road. She said there are rattlesnakes in there. Howard did his impression of Richard's dad talking about giving the snake to Richard's baby to play with.
Howard was doing Richard's dad talking about finding a zombie on the side of the road and chasing him off. He had another story where his mom was out there and she was going to get some food but she saw a cheetah and chased down the cheetah so the could have cheetah burritos. Howard said they're going to send him cheetah jerky in the mail. Howard laughed an said what a scene it is out there.
Robin said they sent Richard some jerky and he got sick from it. Howard was still in his Richard's dad voice talking about the wacky stuff they do.
Richard said they sent him jerky for Christmas and it got lost in the mail for a couple of weeks. He said he ate it anyway when it did show up. He said his wife hates it because it stinks up their refrigerator.
Howard did more of Richard's dad talking about chasing things off the side of the road. He said they're sending Richard some stuff in the mail. He said he's sending his toes so he can eat them or give them to the baby to play with. He said maybe he can cut his nails for him.
Howard said they're some crazy fucking stories. Robin said that's what Beverly Hillbillies was like.
Howard said the squirrels were eating peaches from the peach tree on the farm. He played a clip of Richard's dad talking about that. Dad said that they're going to have cooked squirrel because they ate the peaches. He said they're getting what they deserve. Howard said that's what they get for trying to live.
Howard said a squirrel is a rat. He said there's hardly any meat on them. He said he loves that his dad is trying to teach them a lesson but they don't know any better. He said word doesn't spread and they're not going to stop.
Howard said everything they grow gets sabotaged by lower life forms. Richard said his dad takes credit for introducing squirrels to that part of Kansas. He said he had brought baby squirrels back to that part of Kansas and the population exploded after that. Howard did more of his impression of Richard's dad and said something about piranhas. Richard said that's funny because there were piranha in a lake down there by them. Howard said it's like real life Loony Tunes out there.
Richard said he used to be terrified of mange when he was a kid. He said he thought he was going to get it and his hair was going to fall out. Howard did his impression of Richard's dad talking about bringing animals there and populating the whole place wish them.
Howard said it's like a maniac city out there. He said it's worse than The Walking Dead. Howard talked about bringing squirrels there and chasing all the dentists out of Kansas. Howard had him talking about his mother getting mange and losing all of her pussy hair. He said her foot got caught in a trap and she lost her foot. Richard said his dad actually did get his foot stuck in a trap once.
Howard had Richard's dad talking about selling racoon feet to black people out there. Richard said his dad sent him a raccoon penis in the mail once. Howard had him talking about a family of raccoons stealing their car. He said now they can't come visit Richard and baby bubby.
Richard said his parents cars have goat hoof dents in them. He said they like climbing on things.
Howard said Richard's dad likes some animals but eats the other ones. He said he likes the rooster but he eats the chickens and pigs. Richard said they had a snake that lived in the house. He said it would curl around the water heater. He said it took care of the mice in the house. Howard had Richard's dad talking about mother falling in quicksand and he was trying to get her out. He said they're going to let a bear winter in the living room because it will eat all the squirrels that ate the peaches.
Howard had Richard's dad talking about his sister coming home for Christmas and the snake that winters there just ate her whole. He said he can see her outline in the snake. Richard said he'll poop her out eventually.
Howard said the snake was found in the goat's asshole so they ate him. He said they had good snake stew and some goat asshole. He said they just elected a possum as mayor. Howard asked where they live. Richard said they're near Redfield.
Howard said they have all of these animals in the house to eat the other animals in the house. Richard said he would catch rats and moles in the yard and he'd try to keep them as pets. He said they'd escape and he'd never find them again.
Howard played another clip of Richard's dad talking about pet turtles around the house and it was eating butterflies. Howard said it's like the prairie home companion. He said he's like Garrison Keelor. Richard said he was really into Halloween so he listened to him.
Howard said when you have all of this going on in your yard you don't need to watch the Super Bowl.
Howard had Richard's dad talking about a school of fish living in their sink. Richard said it's funny but they had fish that lived in their bath tub for a while. He said his dad would bring home catfish and let them stay in the tub for a few days. Robin said they didn't need that tub because they weren't using it. Howard had Richard's dad talking about the animals living in the house and stealing their money and stuff like that.
Howard had Richard's dad telling Richard to tell his wife not to flush the toilet because they have a pet eel in there now. Richard said his wife won't stay at their house when they go out there. He said she hates snakes.
Howard had Richard's dad talking about having an octopus that would wipe their ass. Howard said they might need a Richard's dad puppet. He said their house looks like Jumanji.
Richard said he used to hear scratches in the walls and ceiling and he never wanted to know what it was in there. Howard said his wife is probably afraid of his parents. Richard said she got scared once when his sister's husband caught a snake and let it bite him. He said she'll go to the house but she won't stay the night.
Howard was still in his Richard's dad voice talking about things that happen at the house. He shad his mom slipping in goat jizz in the house. He said they had scratching in the walls and he never told his boy that they had zombies living in the wall. He said they had a baby that died and they kept it in the wall because they didn't want to ruin the peach tree with the corpse. Howard said the have a deer there to baby sit their son Carson. He said they can go out to Tico Taco and leave the boy there with the deer.
Richard said he got sick once because the dogs killed a skunk under the living room and the smell was so bad it made him sick.
Howard said Richard's dad called Richard because he saw that there were people coming into the city with the flu. He told him to be careful about who he shakes hands with and be careful with the baby. Howard said they live like that and they're worried about other people.
Richard said his dad is watching The Strain and that makes him worry about this stuff. Howard asked if he's watching The Warrior. Richard said not yet but he'll have to do that. Howard said his dad is mailing him deer ball jerky and he's worried about the flu.
Robin asked how many times his parents have seen Carson. Richard said just the once last year. He said he's going to fly them out again this year to see him.
Howard played another clip of Richard's dad singing ''happy anniversary'' to them on the phone. He sang it to Kristin and Kristin. Richard said he thinks he got confused because his mom was singing too.
Howard had a clip of Richard talking to his dad about shitting his pants. Richard's dad told a story about shitting his pants too. He said he tried to get his coveralls off but he didn't make it. He said he didn't have underwear on. He said he had to let the rain wash them off. He said he didn't throw the jeans out. Richard said that's happened to him too. He said it must run in the family.
Howard said he called toilet paper ''shit paper.'' Richard said his dad did that when he was a kid. Howard said he kind of gets into that Kansas voice when he talks to his dad. Richard said he does. He said it happens when he talks to his friends too.
Howard did more of his Richard's dad voice talking about shitting his pants and fishing for catfish. He said they don't waste nothin' out there. He had him talking about Richard going city slicker on them. Howard said he's talking real fast now like a New York banker. He said he's cooking a porcupine dish out there so he has to get going.
Robin asked if they eat traditional things for Thanksgiving. Howard said it's funny she says that. He said he has a game to play. He said it's called ''Has Richard's Dad eaten it?'' Howard played a clip of Richard's dad talking about Matzo ball soup. He didn't even know what that was. He said he's never had that. He said he has had muskrat balls before.
Howard asked if he has had sushi. Robin wondered if they could have eaten that. She said no. Howard played a clip of Richard's dad saying he tried it once but he doesn't like it. Howard said it's raw fish. Richard said he likes fried fish. He said he'd never eat a catfish raw. Howard asked how old he is. Richard said he's 75 now.
Howard asked if his dad has ever tried lobster. Robin said yes. Howard played a clip and he said he has never had it. Howard said he should have him try it. He said he doesn't eat that. He said he doesn't like they way they cook it.
Howard said they asked if Richard's dad has ever tried Foie Gras. He said he hasn't. Howard said they asked if he ever ate a bagel. Howard played the clip and Richard's dad said they had one when they visited Richard in New York.
Howard said there's an update on Richard's dad. He did more of his impression of his dad talking about trying that bagel and putting some smoked skunk on it. He said they have possum lox they put on it out there. He had him talking about never eating salad either. Richard said he's right about that. He said he never has a salad. Howard had Richard's dad talking about eating whatever crawled on the bagel.
Howard had Richard's dad talking about Richard burying grasshoppers in a jar for a year and then dig them up to find them all goopy. Richard said he used to bury his change in the yard too. He said he'd never find it. Howard said he loves his father and mother and life in Kansas. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said there were DJs who would get all worked up about a song like this. He said they'd act like they just did something after introducing it. He did an impression of what that would sound like. He said that they didn't write the songs but they acted like they did.
Robin asked if Howard saw the Met Gala stuff from last night. Howard said his wife is into that. He said she's out in Pittsburgh visiting her parents. He said that she said he must hate her because he never brings her to the Met Gala. Howard said he hates that stuff. He said she wants to be a part of that but he's not sure if he would ever be able to bring himself to go to that kind of thing. He said he'd do anything for her but he doesn't know about that.
Howard said he'd really not want to go to something like that. He said he got invited to Jerry Seinfeld's birthday party and that was cool but even that he had a problem getting through. He said he's not sure if it's fashion or a Halloween costume at that gala. He said everyone looked like they were in costume.
Howard said it's more like a costume party than a fashion party. He said Lady Gaga did costume changes. Robin said she did 3. She said they were stopping TV shows to interrupt and show her outfits.
Robin said Tom Brady gets into dressing up. Howard said he's not sure how to be invited to that. He said thank god he's never been invited. Howard said the theme was supposed to be camp but he never saw anyone dressing like that at camp. Robin said it was high glamour camp.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he can guess what his best interview was. Howard said Robin has the book now and she wrote him a nice note about it. Robin said she's going to take a while to get through the book. Howard said this is his legacy. He said he wanted the fans to have something that was good. He said you can take all summer to read it. He said not everyone is a good reader like Robin.
Howard said he'll tell the caller that he can guess but on tomorrow's show he'll actually have on the person he did the best interview with. He said he'll have the answer tomorrow. The caller said he's going to change his answer then. He said he thinks it was Sidney Leathers. He said she was involved with Anthony Weiner. Howard said that is incorrect. He said he respects his guess though.
Robin said the first time she heard Howard it was when Denise Oliver played her a clip. She said that she put in this tape and pushed the button. She said there Howard was talking to a prostitute about her job and her life. She said there was no judgment there. She said she could have been anyone. Robin said he talked to her like her life was just as valid as anyone else. Robin said she had to meet that man. Howard asked why she said no at first. Robin said she hated morning men. She didn't want to deal with that kind of thing. Robin said she worked with someone who didn't want anyone looking at him. She said she was never going to do that.
Robin said she was thinking that Howard makes extraordinary people relateable to ordinary people.
Howard said the person who is coming in tomorrow is the person he felt he did the best interview with. He said he'll talk to that person tomorrow about all of that.
Howard said it would have been fun if they came there but he gave them so much already. He said the segment is going to be 10 minutes long and they recorded 3 hours of filming. He said he's not sure how they're going to edit it down.
Howard said he has to shoot something for Rolling Stone that will be video. He said he's sitting down with Good Morning America and talking to George Stephanopoulos. He said he read the book already. He said he's going to ask George questions about the book to see if he read it. He said he's doing Nightline too. Robin said she forgot that show was still on. Howard said every show has a follow up show. He said they have Seth Meyers after Fallon and Corden after Colbert. He said Nightline is on ABC. He said he doesn't usually take the advice of experts but he has to do what they think sells books. He said he told them to pick their top interviews and had them book him. He said they're whoever is most important at selling books.
Howard said he's doing that NPR woman too. He said everyone is excited about that. He said he doesn't have to get dolled up for that since they don't use cameras. He said he won't have to have Toni and Ralph there to get him dolled up. He said he can just do it.
Howard said he doesn't even know where he's doing it. He said he'll have to look and see where he's going to do that.
Howard said he's going to be doing Fallon soon and he wanted him to do some bits but he pulled him aside and asked him not to make him do that. He said he did have an idea to have him run his hands through his hair and pull his hair off. He said he'd have to sit there in a bald cap though. He said he was going to do his mother's voice on the show too. He said that some people were saying just be himself on the show. Howard said he did have a funny bit where he'd blow himself on camera.
Howard said Gary suggested that he rip up the interviewer's cards. He said that Ralph told him that he's never done that on the show. He said that fucking Gary said he has done it. He said that he's never done it. Gary said he did it with Arsenio. He said he's done it at least twice. Howard said Ralph claims that he says things with such authority. Gary said just because Ralph doesn't remember it doesn't mean it didn't happen. He said Ralph thinks he's an authority on things too. Howard said he doesn't remember ripping up the cards. Robin said he has taken the cards. Gary said one woman came out and ripped up her cards because she was annoyed that Howard did it. Gary said she was mocking it.
Gary thought the woman was Shirley Hemphill. Howard said she had a problem with him. He said she gave him a hard time about the jacket he had. He said that she said he looked ridiculous in the jacket he had. He said that he must have looked stupid. He said he kind of shit on her on the show too. He said he'll goof back if she wants to go there.
Gary said that he just saw the Arsenio thing and he didn't rip up the cards but he did take them. Howard said he didn't rip up anyone's cards. He said he's sure he gave them back. He said Gary is wrong. He said it's okay to be wrong.
Howard read some email about what he should do on these shows. He said someone said just be yourself.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is the biggest talent and everyone knows that. He said he has to thank him because his grandfather was a big listener. He said his grandmother called the show and he had some stuff sent to his grandfather who was dying. He said the stuff was right by his casket at his funeral. He said he has that stuff in his den now. He said that was cool of Howard doing that. Howard said he should get an award for that.
The caller said there is such a thing as endless promotion so just be aware of that. Howard said he knows. He said he'll be doing promotion until the third week of June and then he's done. He said he'll go away after that. Howard said he owes it to the book company to promote so he's doing it until the third week of June and then he's done. He said book promo ages you.
Howard said he's already tired of himself and he's just started the promotion. He let the caller go after that.
Howard said he usually got his way by whining. He said he told Robin he was going to get in there and they were going to hate his guts and he'd get them to hire Robin. He said it fucking worked. He said he believed that he could get her hired there. Robin said it was very sad and NBC didn't care. She said they were people who loved each other and they were being ripped apart. Howard said he just knew they had to get to New York. He said they had to be there to get big.
Howard said Robin wrote that Fred was cold to her when she met him. Howard asked why he was cold to her. Fred said he has no idea. Howard asked if he thinks he has Asperger. Fred said he doesn't think so. He said he doesn't know enough about it though. Howard said he loves Fred but they can be in a social situation and it can be like he just met the guy. Robin said that's what it was like with him at WNBC. She said it was like they had just met again.
Gary had Robin's book so she read from it. Gary said she wrote that he was rather cold to her when she saw him again at WNBC. She said he had some unexplainable traits like that which led to them saying he was from Mars.
Howard said he always thought that Fred might be on the spectrum. He said he is a genius. He said he'd do well on Jeopardy. Howard asked if he has been watching it. Fred said he thinks they're off for 2 weeks. Howard said they're doing a special with teachers for two weeks. Howard said it's fascinating watching that guy James Holzhauer. He said even his mother is watching. He said she doesn't watch Jeopardy but his father does. He said she's watching the show now that this guy is winning so much. Howard did his mother's voice talking about Jeopardy. Howard had his mother asking who does this kind of thing.
Howard said she was all charged up last night when she called. He said she never calls him but she did last night. He said she saw him on a magazine cover looking good. Howard said he hasn't seen anything come out yet. He said he figured something came out. He said someone must have broken the embargo. He said it was something called Elder Magazine. He had his mother telling him what magazine it was and it was Elder Magazine. He said that sounds horrible. He said he's never heard of it. He said his mother's head has to be rewired when he says he has never heard of it. He said she asked what he means because he's on the cover. Howard said he just wanted to get off the phone. He said she's telling him that he's on the cover of this magazine he's never heard of. He said it's for old people and he's wearing a black suit and looking good. He said that she showed it to his father and he said he looks very young. Howard said he figured it was some old picture.
Howard said his mom started reading the article to him and he didn't want to hear it. He said even if it was nice he didn't want to hear it. He said she stared off with ''Whether you love him or hate him...'' and he was done. He said that's very cliché. He said that she's still reading the article and he wants to get off the phone. He said in his ears it's like he's the worst thing on radio.
Howard said his mother reads very slow so she's hanging on every word. He said he told her it sounds great and he'll stop by and read it there at her house. He said she would save it for him.
Howard said his parents thought the picture of him made him look very young. He said that he's going to do Fallon at WNBC and he gets sick thinking about going to the building. He said Chris Wilding was over there the other day and they still have the tour there. He said when you to got the floor the radio station was on has a wall of fame and they don't have a picture of him up there.
Howard asked Chris if he was there or someone he knew. Chris came in and Howard said he's another one who wishes he had done things differently when CBS This Morning was there. He said everyone says they were told to shut up. Howard said when he walks in and says hi they can talk. Chris said next time he's going to be doing back flips. Howard said he wasn't the worst one. He said it was like a morgue back there. He said he said hello and no one said anything. Chris said they didn't know they were coming back there with cameras. He said imagine he fucks up his appearance. Howard said come on. He said he said ''Hey guys!'' He said he got nothing. He said it was like he worked at Elder Magazine and they were all 95 year old guys. Howard said he asked Chris what he was working on and he did his Lee Kingsnatch voice. He said he threw to him and he's not sure what he said but he knows they won't use it.
Howard said Chris blew it. Chris said it bummed him out. Howard asked what he would do now. Chris said he would say something nice about Howard. He said he would tell them what a great person he is to work for. Howard said it was like he was on Walking Dead. Chris said he didn't want to be the suck ass that day. Howard said he should be. He said his boff needed him. Robin said he came all the way from Canada to be there. Howard said unfortunately he's going back. Chris said he hopes not. He said he should have something soon about that.
Howard asked about the WNBC thing. Chris said that he has a friend who has access to 30 Rock. He said he went over there for a tour. He said she took him up to where Howard worked. He said his studio is like a TV studio now. Howard said they don't have radio anymore. Chris said he would never know he ever broadcasted from there. He said there are pictures all over the wall and they have older people and newer and Howard is nowhere to be found. He said they actually pointed it out to this girl that Howard isn't on the wall. Howard said you'd think they'd have him there for America's Got Talent at least.
Robin said Howard used to do Letterman there and it was creepy to walk through the halls then. She said they were fired from there and Howard still went back to do Letterman. Howard said it was like he was embarrassed to be there.
Howard said they had to make room for Wolfman Jack to be on the wall. Chris said he wasn't sure who the people were on the wall. Howard said they should send someone over there to find out who is on the wall.
Howard asked Chris how his dating life is. Chris said he's seeing some people. Howard asked how the Andy Cohen thing is going. Chris said he saw him in the hall the other day and Andy looked at him like he was the devil. Howard said he would have been a good husband for him. Chris said he's not everyone's cup of tea. Chris said he just told the truth about the date and he got a lot of crap for that.
Chris said next time they have cameras back there he'll perform for him. Howard said he wanted them to do something but they were all silent. He said he was telling Tracy Smith all of this stuff about the guys and they were just like a morgue. He said he was saying they were the funniest guys ever and they didn't do anything. He said they had the guy who plays the Hulk back there and he didn't do anything. Chris said they were trying to do the best by Howard. Robin said they were telling them to be quiet while the cameras were in the hall. Howard said wait until you see the piece on Sunday morning.
Howard said he has Hulk on the phone actually. Hulk said he blew it and he did not shine. He told Howard to make them come back. He said he's mad at stupid hulk. Howard said he was trying to get him to do something but he sat there like a lummox. Howard said he thinks they're going to say he hires deaf and mute people to work for him. Hulk was smashing stuff and yelling about how he messed up. He said he's not good on the spot. Howard said Hulk had a TV show of his own at one point. Hulk said it was on TruTV. He said it was not the best show. Howard said his show was all about being spontaneous. Hulk said he got nervous being a big fan of Tracy Smith. Howard let Hulk go after that. Howard said he has to take a break now. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a woman calling in from Brooklyn. Howard asked her if she was in the city. She said she is in the city in Brooklyn. Howard said he means Manhattan when he says the city. Howard asked what he can do for her. The caller said she heard a guy call in about a female friend who went out with Benjy. She said she thought that was interesting and Benjy popped up on her Bumble app. She said she thinks Benjy is good looking but he has to be honest and update his profile. Howard said he told him. The caller said that he has to update that profile. She said she thought it was funny because she knows who Benjy is. She said any other girl would get creeped out. Howard asked if she flagged him for a date. She said he's in her B line so she hasn't done anything yet.
Howard said Benjy has a good looking picture of himself on there but he's way more than 30 pounds overweight. He said he's probably 70 pounds more than that picture.
The caller said that she has his bio that she can read him. She said that he loves walking through Central Park naked in war paint and carrying a bow and arrow and he's a great hoola hooper. He also says he'll be super hot by the summer. Howard said he won't be hot by summer. He asked what year that is. The caller, Eileen, said maybe 2025. Howard said Benjy was on a mad roll with women but then things fell apart. He said someone told him it's because he's not in the studio anymore but he doesn't buy that. Eileen said he has to be honest. She said you're telling a woman you're lying if you do that with the photo.
Howard said he had some really good looking women for a while. He said he banged some hot chick at the Christmas party one year. He said Gary caught him fucking her at the party. He said don't do that. He said maybe what turned her on was seeing them.
Robin said there was a story Benjy told them about a date he had. Howard said he told the woman he voted for Trump and that turned her off to him. Howard said maybe that was just her excuse for getting rid of him because he's a big fatso. Howard said maybe she just wanted out of that date.
Howard asked Robin if they should get him in here. Robin said they should try. Howard said don't blame him if it goes wrong. Robin said she'll take the blame.
Howard asked Benjy what the Trump story was. Benjy said he was on a date and he had met her in person. He said she flirted with him at Petco. He said that she was holding a cat toy and he asked if she was getting it so her cat chases her. She said she wanted it for him to chase her. He said he's never had that before. Benjy said he stammered and forgot his purchase at the counter after that. Howard asked if she was a 9 or a 7 or what. Benjy said she was a cute 7. He said she's a 9 when you're 70 pounds over weight.
Howard asked why he doesn't put an honest picture up then. Benjy said he has a good angle and he can look good even at this weight. Eileen said that showing up 70 pounds over isn't right. She said that the women will wonder what else he's lying about.
Howard asked Benjy what happened with the date. Benjy said he asked the woman out. He said they talked for a second and he asked her out for a drink. He said she hesitated and then said sure. He asked for her number and then tried to memorize it. He said he was too nervous to talk to her. He said he called her and they went out the next night. Howard asked how old she was. Benjy said he doesn't know. He said he never asked. He said she was probably in her 30s or maybe 40. He said she was very cute and he found her attractive. Howard asked if she had a nice body. Benjy said there was nothing wrong with it but he looked her up and found some of her. He said she looked good. Robin said he had just seen her. Benjy said he did. He said he was probably trying to find things wrong with her by looking her up.
Benjy said the date didn't go well and then she started talking about that ''douche bag in office'' and he told her that he voted for that douche bag. He said they started talking more and she looked at him like she thought he was a nice person and then he ruined it. Howard said she knew he was fat so she wasn't using the Trump thing to get away from her. Howard said when you tell a woman you voted for Trump is when you're inside her. Benjy said if things had gone well he might have lied about it.
Howard said saying you voted for Trump in New York you might as well say you have an STD. He said people there are generally liberal.
Howard asked Eileen if this helped. She said that he annoyed her so no. Benjy said the Peloton instructor came up to him the other day. He said she heard he's been talking about her. He said he started stammering and got nervous. Howard said he thought Benjy had it together. He said he had a pick up line like ''You wanna fuck?''
Howard asked what happened. Benjy said she patted his back and said hello. He said it was weird because he wears sweat pants and she asked why he covers up his legs. He said he didn't know what to say. Howard said she's ridiculously hot so he won't get her. He said if he fucks her he's having both of them on as guests. Benjy said maybe he'll get her then. He said he thinks if he got himself in shape and got his life in order he could. Robin said that's a year or two from now. Howard said it's never.
Howard asked why he's so fat if he's doing Peloton so much. Benjy said he's eating a lot of calories. Benjy said he doesn't like Eileen. She said she loves Benjy.
Howard said he doesn't get why Benjy can't just eat a small meal. Benjy said he can. Howard said he should have 3 meals a day and that's it. Benjy said that's like telling an alcoholic to just stop drinking. Howard said it's that simple. Benjy said he knows that and he's not shocked by that.
Howard said he was told not to drink wine more than 3 nights a week. He said he did that and then he was told to stop completely so he stopped. Howard said just don't eat. Robin said if it wasn't so hard everyone would do it. Howard said Benjy has all day to sleep and avoid food. Benjy said he eats an hour before sleep and he piles in the food. Howard said eat an apple. He said goodbye to Benjy. He said that was enough of that.
Howard said Benjy works 3 days a week and he can't get his weight together. He told him to pull himself together. He played him off with a song parody about getting the fuck out of the studio. Robin asked who sang that horrible song. Howard asked what's wrong with that. Benjy said he has a theory on why Howard hates him. Howard said he doesn't hate him. He said he likes him. He said just pull your shit together. He said he'll die soon if he doesn't. Benjy said that scares him. Howard said he doesn't like it when he says he despises him. He said no one else would keep him working for them. He said that he doesn't despise him. Benjy said part of him does because of the way he treats him. Robin said maybe it has something to do with the way he's acting. Howard said Benjy's dad is in good shape. Benjy said he always has been. He said he dreams about making fun of fat people with him. He said his dad has always worked on it.
Gary said he has seen Howard's book and Benjy still thinks that he's mentioned in the book. Howard said it'll be out on Tuesday. Benjy said he was really hurt when Gary told him that he's not mentioned. Howard said he thanked the people who work for him but he didn't mention Benjy. Benjy was going on and on so Howard played a clip of them letting the dogs loose on Benjy. They had Benjy screaming with dogs barking. Howard let Benjy go after that.
Howard said he really doesn't hate Benjy. Fred did his impression of Benjy and had him talking about his blotchy skin.
Howard asked if Eileen is still there. She was. Howard asked if she doesn't have something better to do. She said she loves them and Howard let her go.
Howard had The Hulk on the phone saying he was pissed he's not in the book. Howard said when he was writing this thing he just left the acknowledgments out. He said if you're in his life he thanks you. He said that no one really cares. He said he has talked about the crew who work there and how they're the best. He said he's not mentioning everyone by name. He said that's fucking crazy.
Howard said most shows you have no idea who works for them. He said he thanks his staff because they're the best. Robin said you don't know who produces the segments on 60 Minutes. Howard said they actually do put the name in there. He said that's his favorite part.
Howard said they asked Ronnie to read it to them. He said it's 448 pages long. He said they gave it to Ronnie to read in its entirety. He said he complained about the small print right away.
Howard played the audio of Ronnie complaining about the small print. Richard asked him to read the whole thing but then he said just read 30 pages. Howard said there are 500 former federal prosecutors who say that he would be convicted if he was anyone but the President. Howard said Ronnie hasn't read 448 pages in his life. He said he's worried about him reading it. Howard said that's unless you count driving manuals.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie trying to read the report and screwing up a lot of words including Russian names. He had trouble with Vladimir Putin. He called him ''Valdamir.''
Howard played more of Ronnie reading names in the report and he would try over and over to get them right. Ronnie said some names by just making a weird noise.
Howard said it got ridiculous. He said Steve Nowicki walked into the studio and Ronnie asked to see pictures of his girlfriend's ass. Howard played more of the audio of Ronnie asking about that and if she has black hair on her pussy.
Howard said after that Ronnie gave up on the Mueller report. He said he has this whole thing about looking over girlfriends. He said this is why America is in trouble. He said they just want to hear about Ronnie's comments. Howard asked what 70 year old would ask about pussy hair. He said no one of any age would do that.
Howard said he's never asked a guy what his wife's pussy hair looks like. Fred did his Ronnie impression talking about the pussy hair. Howard got in on that too.
Howard said Memet has tons of selfies on his Instagram feed. He said it's odd what's going on with young people and their social media feeds. He said Memet takes pictures of himself when he feels muscular. He said he likes the way his arms look so he puts those pictures up.
Howard said his wife is into Instagram and they see people post and they must like the picture of themselves. He said Memet takes one every day. He said he has so many selfies. He said he thinks people are strange when they do that. He said it's the same Memet in every shot. He said he's really into himself. He said it has to be so much work.
Robin said she's looking at the Met Gala pictures and they're taking shots in make up and before going and all of that. She said Memet is just taking pictures of him in the same pose. Howard said 10 of the 12 pictures on Memet's feed are of himself.
Howard took a call from Bobo. He said people want him to ban him again. He said he gave out the secret that Shuli told him to keep quiet. Bobo said she's his best friend. He said it didn't last that long. He said he wasn't really buying into it anyway. Robin said if someone tells you it's a secret and you swear you're not going to... He didn't last 5 minutes. Howard said he should punish him.
Howard said Bobo did the wrong thing. He said he should read some email about that. He found it and said it's thicker than his book. Howard said everyone loved Maren Morris. He said they posted video of her doing that song of hers and he's watched it like 30 times. He said it's so good.
Howard read email about Maren Morris and about the GLAAD awards. Howard said people agree with him that he shouldn't get an award for just being a decent person. Howard said Jeff the Drunk got some feedback. He said that people are pissed that he gets government help and he's on Cameo.
Howard read the email about Bobo and people were asking him to ban him. Bobo said he was like a kid in a candy store. He said he couldn't help himself. Howard said he was asked to keep a secret. He said Sansa kept Jon Snow's secret longer that Bobo kept his. Gary asked how long it was before Bobo called Mariann. Bobo said it was right away. He said it was hard for him. He said he didn't tell ''nobody else.'' Howard said he has zero allegiance to the show. He said he sold him out in minutes. Bobo said he knows. Howard said they didn't call Mariann with that secret. Howard had Mariann on the phone and she said she threw him under the bus because she was trying to explain to him that he shouldn't tell her.
Howard said Mariann told Bobo they were pulling his leg and he didn't think that was the case. Mariann said that's right. She said he has to learn his lesson because if she tells him something how does she know he's not blabbing it all over.
Howard said the picture Bobo has on Cameo is the two of them on the couch in the studio. Mariann said she told him to change that. Bobo said she did. Mariann said it's like talking to a 10 year old. She said she's not sure why she's friends with him. Howard asked how she talks to him when he's so thick. Mariann said she loves the underdog because she's one. She said she hates when he falls into this trap. She said he's been thinking about this hair thing for years. She said she tells him that he's out of his mind. Howard said they have tricked Bobo so many times. Mariann said she's trying to teach him a lesson. Bobo said he feels trapped like a rat right now. Robin said he is a rat.
Howard said Bobo's Cameo's are so bad. He has to play some. Gary said Shuli has some emojis of Bobo that he created himself and they don't look anything like him. Howard took a look and it looked like an Asian young boy. Robin said it looks like someone from Star Trek.
Howard asked what Bobo charges for his Cameos. Bobo said it's 50. He said he won't go a dime over that. Howard read a review of Bobo's Cameo and it was one star because he forgot one instruction. Howard said Bobo is so boring. Shuli said it's so clear he has no one to talk to in his life.
Howard said they asked Bobo to make a message thanking some friends for a dinner. Howard said he should have kept it simple and it went on for 6 minutes. Bobo said he wants to give them their money's worth.
Howard played the message Bobo made for Jason and Liz and it was so long they had to fast forward through it. Bobo was going on and on with the message. He was throwing in his Bobo-isms and giving them advice. Robin asked if this was one message. Howard said it went on and on and on. Bobo said the fans love it. Howard said picture that 6 minutes of Bobo. He said Bobo thinks he's Howard. Bobo said not at all.
Howard had another example of Bobo's message. He said this one goes on for 14 minutes. He said he knows he has a wife and kids and they don't want him around. Shuli said he records all of these in his car. Howard said he can't even sit home and do them. Bobo asked why he'd do that in his house if the phone is ringing and his kid is asking him questions. Howard said that would be interesting. Bobo said you have to stick to the script. Howard said Bobo doesn't do that. He said this is 14 minutes.
Howard played some of the 14 minute long Cameo video. Bobo was rambling on and on telling stories about his life. Howard said he's got this upbeat voice too. Robin said it's not authentic Bobo.
Howard played more of the audio and Bobo was talking about wearing the Beats headphones and how he was on his way to the gym. Shuli said they probably wish he had a noose around his neck instead of Beats. Bobo was stammering over the word catastrophe. He threw in Ronnie's ''Whoa, whoa, whoa... stop the clock.'' Bobo said they want that stuff. Shuli said they do not. Bobo said they tell him they want that. Bobo said they want to hear him say his lines too.
Howard said he has no idea what these references are. He said they're about halfway through this 14 minute message. He played more of that and Bobo was talking about black ice and it sounded like ''black guys'' so Howard goofed on him about that. Howard rewound that to hear it over again. He had to listen to another clip where he said ''I drove an act... 18 wheeler.'' He was apparently trying to say ''actual'' 18 wheeler. Then he said the ''black ice'' line twice and it sounded like ''black guys'' both times.
Howard played the end of the clip and Robin asked Bobo to say that C-word he was trying to say before. Bobo said black ice. Howard said he was trying to say catastrophe. Bobo tried saying it again and he wasn't able to get it out. Howard had him say that his hair system is a catastrophe. Bobo was able to get it out this time. Shuli said if you want to have fun have him spell it.
Howard said Bobo's longest Cameo is 17 minutes long. He said he was congratulating someone on their new baby. Howard said he does an impression of him doing an impression of his mom. He had a story about his kid asking him if he wears a wig and more.
Howard played some of the Bobo 17 minute long Cameo. He congratulated the people on their baby. He talked about his hair system and what a pain in the ass it is to maintain. Then he did an impression of Howard's mother. Howard said he's never doing that impression again. Bobo said he was just trying to fill up time. Shuli had to tell him to put the phone to his mouth.
Howard said he has to hear that clip again. He said he has to get rid of that hair system. Bobo said if he's doing it he's going to do it for the show. Howard said just get rid of it. Bobo said it's horrible down there in the humidity. Howard said just get rid of it.
Bobo said he wants to tan his head first. Howard said no one cares what he looks like. He said no one is looking at him. Bobo said it's the shock factor. Howard said John Travolta did it and no one was shocked. Shuli asked why he doesn't just do it. Bobo said he's not getting another one after this.
Howard said he's going to back up and listen to his impression of his mother again. He played the clip of Bobo doing that impression and it was really bad. Robin said it didn't even make sense. Bobo said he admits he didn't structure that very well.
Howard played another clip where Bobo was talking about nuclear fallout or something and what direction to go. Howard said he's not sure if Bobo knows what the word painstaking means. Bobo gave him an example in a sentence and he got it right.
Howard said this is 17 minutes. Shuli said you know the guy didn't ask him to do the Howard's mom impression. Bobo said if he was just to read what they had he'd be done in a minute and a half. He said there are people who would want more. He said the reviews are good. Howard said people don't have time for all of this.
Shuli said this guy sent High Pitch Erik a fucked up message and he read every word of it. He said it was done in 35 seconds.
Howard said Caitlyn Jenner gets $2,500 for a message and her longest is 30 seconds. Howard said she's getting a ton of money to do that. He did his Caitlyn Jenner impression for a short time.
Howard said he has to slog through the rest of this. He played more of that 17 minute long Cameo. Bobo was talking about safe driving tips, accidents and his driving awards.
Howard asked why anyone would want to hear about his driving awards. Bobo said they ask to hear about it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has only an hour to live and she wasted 17 minutes on this dope talking about his hair system. She said he was supposed to just say hi to her. She said he stole her life from her.
Howard said this is the funniest thing. He took another call from a guy who asked him to talk to his family and make fun of him in front of them. Bobo asked who the fuck he is. Shuli told him to put the phone to his mouth again. Shuli said he spoke to Bobo earlier in the week and it sounds like he spun the phone around his head. He said he thinks it droops down by his neck and he forgets it. Howard said he loves how he says it's always by his mouth as it gets clearer.
The caller said he wants to hear Bobo's family talk about what an idiot he is. Bobo said this guy doesn't know him and what he's done in his life. The caller said those awards he has won are like participation awards.
Shuli said he has a clip of this guy who worked with Bobo who says Bobo is deathly afraid of bridges and tunnels and they think he got his million miles by avoiding bridges and tunnels. Bobo said he does hate bridges and tunnels. He said he's afraid of heights.
Shuli said High Pitch Erik called him yesterday and said he's pissed at Jeff about his Cameos. Howard took a call from a woman who said Bobo doing the impression of his mother is disrespectful. Howard said she's right about that. The caller said that he was very disrespectful. Bobo said he wasn't trying to be. He said he was just trying to bring it back to the show. Howard said he's using his mother to make money. He said he's done that impression in multiple videos. Bobo said he'll discontinue that from now on. Shuli asked if he has done his dad's voice too. Bobo said he doesn't think so. He doesn't know.
Howard told Bobo to put the phone to his mouth. Bobo said it is. Howard asked Bobo to do the impression now. Bobo said he's not sure if he can. He did it anyway and it sucked. Robin said that was pretty bad. Robin said she didn't think he was doing anything but Bobo.
Howard played more of Bobo's 17 minute long message. Shuli said he wants to drive into a bridge when he hears this. Howard played another clip where Bobo called Trump haters ''spear chuckers.'' He realized he made a mistake. Bobo said that was a Freudian slip. Howard asked why he would release that. Bobo said he should have. He said he was into it too long. Howard said Bobo is a big Trump supporter and he lost his mind. Howard played the clip for a third time. Bobo realized it was a racist statement and said he didn't mean that.
Howard said he's not sure what Bobo was saying there. Shuli said he sent him a picture from in his car and he has it full of paperwork. He prepares for all of this. Howard said his car is full of notes. Howard asked what's up with the spear chucker comment. Bobo said he's not a racist so he's not sure why it came out. Howard said he could do this all day long. He said he has to get out of there though.
Shuli asked if Bobo once locked himself in an 18 wheeler accidentally. Bobo said he did. He said he had to jump around so his legs wouldn't get numb. Howard said he has to take a break and get to more shit.
Shuli asked if it's true that Bobo gave safety speeches over the microphone at work. Bobo said he did. Shuli said they got so sick of it that they cut the cord to the microphone. Bobo said they had to do an investigation into that. He said the day he retired his friend admitted he did it.
Howard took a call from this guy Donald who said he worked with Bobo. He said he was one of the ones who cut the wires. He said he used to load the trucks for Bobo. He said he knew about him getting locked in the truck. Bobo remembered the guy. He said he should call him Steve instead of Bobo. He said he hates being called Steve. Donald said Bobo hated going over bridges so he would avoid them by going the long way around. He said that's how he got the million miles. Bobo said he worked hard there. Howard said he wants to hear all of this but he's behind with his breaks. Robin asked how he got around without going over bridges. Bobo said he went through tunnels all the time.
Donald said that Bobo ran into a ditch once. Bobo said he did and he took the roof off the car. He said it was about 4:30 in the morning and he turned the wheel and went under a trailer. He said he didn't have a scratch on him. Donald asked why he wants to race Ronnie because it takes more to drive a limo than a 18 wheeler. He said he should race Robin before Ronnie.
Howard said he didn't know Bobo drove into a ditch. Bobo said it was out in snow, sleet and hail. He said he got stuck in a ditch because of the weather. Howard asked why he would put out that Cameo with the spear chucker comment. He said of course the person sent it right to them. Bobo said he's sorry he did that. He said he loves Robin. Howard played the clip again. Robin said that came out very clear while he can't say catastrophe.
Howard said he has to go. He said he can't get rid of Bobo because he's so much fun. Shuli said Erik is texting him begging him to pick up. Howard picked up and said he has to wait until tomorrow. Erik asked if he can be the first call tomorrow. Howard said yes. Erik said he's very mad at Jeff. Howard said he'll talk to him tomorrow. He said they'll never get out of there if he starts now. He hung up on Erik. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news with a story about Roseanne Barr posting over the weekend on YouTube that she's identifying as queer. Howard asked what that means. Robin had him play a clip of Roseanne talking about being queer. Howard said she needs a show. Robin said she's not sure what she's saying but she's not saying she's gay. Howard said he doesn't think she gets what queer means. Robin said she's still out there making controversial statements.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's excited to get his book. He said he's probably read 5 books in his life and 2 of them are Howard's. Howard said there's no reason to read anything but his books. Robin said Howard did say this is the kind of book to inspire you to reach new heights. Howard said maybe this guy will reach new heights. The caller said he works for some company in Allentown as a salesman. Howard said this book will inspire him. The caller said he loves Robin too. He said he loved it when Robin thought there would be 10,000 horses in a Manhattan stable.
Howard said the Hollywood reporter article is coming out tomorrow. He said a lot of articles are coming out this week. He said this weekend you can read some of the book in Us Weekly. He said he wrote something about Hillary Clinton. Robin said that's what she read last night. Howard did a live commercial read and took a break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and had Robin get to more news. Robin read a story about a man who is going to prison for 2 years for saying he'd use magic spells to make a love connection for people. Robin said he would target them and have them make sexual videos and then threaten to post them online if they didn't pay him.
Robin read a story about HBO poking fun at itself because they wound up leaving a Starbucks cup on the set of this week's episode. Howard said he wants to meet the incredible nudnik who caught that. He asked who studies these things so intently. Robin said after that dark episode she went to the blogs to see what people are saying because they look for clues frame by frame. Robin said they post this stuff right after the show. Howard said these people should have jobs because they're so meticulous. Howard said some extra left that on the set or something. Robin said the prop person didn't clear it. Howard said it's so weird with that show. He said he could see what was happening this week. He said as if that's normal. He said he was thanking god he could see the show. Robin said that's like thanking someone for child support. Robin said this week's episode was about nothing. She said last week's episode was seen by 17 million people. She said they got a lot of viewers and eyeballs this week too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has been listening to the show intermittently and Ronnie likes to brag about how good he is but she's not sure if he's ever heard a woman say she's lost her hearing. She said that an orgasm can be so good that you lose your hearing. Howard said he's getting frustrated trying to figure out what she's saying. The caller said she lost her hearing for a minute or two after an orgasm. She said everything was very muffled. She said she found that women can lose their hearing after great sex. Howard said he wishes he was losing his hearing right now. The caller said it usually happens during anal. Howard asked if she's married. She said she is not. Howard said she got fucked so hard she lost her hearing for 2 minutes. She said that's right. She said it's more than once. She said that the orgasm is so intense that she lost her hearing. Robin asked who this guy is. She said she can't do that because he's her fiancee.
Howard said according to Vice they say that if you do it good enough it's a real thing. Howard said George Takei is on the phone and he can't hear a thing after getting fucked in the ass. Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his George Takei impression saying ''What?'' over and over. Howard said his wife's hearing got better afterward. Robin asked if Ronnie has ever had that happen. Howard said they would have heard about that.
Howard asked the caller if she was freaking out when she lost her hearing. She said she was. She said she thought something might be wrong. Howard wondered what it is that makes that happen. The caller said it's the intensity and the heart rate. She said when the blood rushes up and calms down it does it. Howard wondered if that can happen to a guy. Howard said he should try it out on Fred. Howard let the caller go because he's running out of time. He said that he would like to hear more though.
Robin read a story about the church of latter day saints making a change in their policy about people who marry in a civil ceremony. Robin said they had to wait a year in the past to participate in a temple ceremony but now they can participate immediately. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to guess his secret. Howard said go ahead. The caller said he moved to Florida. Howard said he has a house down there but that's no secret. Howard said he still lives in New York. The caller said he thought he moved down there. Howard said not yet. He said that's not much of a secret. He said he would love to live in Florida. He said he talks to some guys who are able to do a show from Florida. Howard said they experimented and tried out doing a show over a camera and you just can't do it. He said his secret is that Fred fucked him in the ass and he went deaf for 2 days.
Robin read a story about Springfield, Missouri having an ordinance against women showing their nipples in public. She said a court ruling has declared it legal.
Howard said Robin read his secret. He asked if she thinks it's going to surprise people. Robin said oh yes. She said they'll be amazed at how dangerous it was and acting like nothing was going on. Howard said that's a good teaser. Howard asked if people will be upset about his secret. Robin said she thinks they'll be happy for him.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he thinks he has a cock the size of a cookie dough container. Howard said he had a reduction surgery to reduce the size. He said he wishes that was his secret. Howard said he wishes he could show it to Robin and she'd love to be with him. Robin said they were joking with Charlize Theron about big vaginas and they talked after the show about how everything on a woman is supposed to be small but on a man it's supposed to be big. Robin said if it's that bit there's nowhere for him to put it all.
Robin said the ACLU is going to take the fight about nipples to a higher court. Howard said women should be allowed to show their nipple.
Howard said he's going to ask Beth to pretend she can't hear when they go to parties. He did an impression of what that would sound like.
Robin read a story about the Sultan of Brunei backing off the anti gay stuff to get people to go to his hotels. Robin said the boycott is continuing though. Robin said Sharia Law puts into place a lot of penalties and barbaric practices against women and gays.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loses his hearing when he has sex. The caller said it's when he has sex with a woman. He said he loses it for like 30 seconds to a minute and then it comes back. Howard said he was with a chick who went blind after poking her own eyes out. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Denver Colorado deciding if magic mushrooms should be decriminalized. Howard said they should be. He said they are from the ground and he has no problem with any of that. He said he hates to see people get locked up over mushrooms. Robin said one thing they used to say is if they legalized it you'd know what you were taking. She said that's not so clear with marijuana so far. Howard said with the edibles people do list how much you should take. Robin said you need to know how much THC is in the things you're eating. Robin said they say what happens is a lot of people is they don't get that high right away when they have edibles. They end up doubling up and then they overdose.
Howard asked Brent what mushrooms are and if he can grow them himself. Brent came in and said it's the kind that has Psilocybin in it. He said the mushrooms grow a lot on farms near where the cow patties are. Howard said that this stuff is straight from the ground and it's a natural, organic product. Brent said that's correct. He said in Amsterdam they have genetically modified mushrooms. He said they did some testing on depressed people and one dose of Psilocybin would keep them from being depressed for 6 months. Howard said Brent seems to have a lot of information. He said he doesn't remember anything he reads. Brent said if Howard ever wants to try it he'll help him out. Howard said he's drug free so he won't be doing that. Brent said they say that mushrooms are the safest thing you can take.
Howard said he has Mushroom Expert Brent on the phone. He took the call from fake Brent who was giving him more info on the mushrooms. Howard said it's weird talking to him because Mushroom Expert Brent is right there in the studio. Brent said it's weird to hear himself on the phone. Brent asked himself why he would listen to the music he was playing instead of Black Sabbath. Fake Brent had a crazy answer for him. Howard let both Brents go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about Nora O'Donnell becoming the new anchor for the CBS Evening News. Howard said he can't wait to not watch. Robin had more details on that announcement.
Robin read a story about the Royal family not picking a name yet for the royal baby. Robin said she heard Prince Harry saying that because the baby was late they had time to think about names but they're not ready to announce it yet.
Robin read a story about Amy Schumer announcing her baby son was born. Robin said that she doesn't give a name either. Howard said how about Charlie Rose Jr. He asked what the hot baby boy name is. Robin said there were western names like Cody and Jesse for a while.
Robin said that Kelly Clarkson was on The Voice last night. She just got out of the hospital after an appendectomy. Howard said the number one name for boys is Liam now. Robin said anyone taking a day off for a sniffle should see Kelly Clarkson. Robin said she went and had surgery over the weekend and she was back on The Voice last night. Robin had some audio of her on the show. Howard said that's amazing. He said they know people who were in the hospital for weeks. Robin said Gilbert was one who was in the hospital for weeks. Howard asked when she had the appendectomy. Robin said the Billboard awards were Wednesday and she went the following day. Robin said that would have been Thursday and now here she is back on the show. She said she was back on the show on Monday.
Howard said he'd like to name a child Svengoolie. He said Howard is number 999 on the list of boy's names. Robin said Svengoolie isn't even on the list.
Robin read a story about Facebook naming some people extremists and banning them from their service. Howard said he was going to do all of those shows for book promotion. Robin had some audio of Milo Yiannopoulos doing an impression of Christine Blasey Ford. Robin said that didn't seem so bad but it wasn't funny. Robin had some audio of Louis Farrakhan talking about the Jews. Robin had some audio of Alex Jones giving some of his conspiracy theories on Facebook. That led to fake Alex Jones calling in and rambling for a bit. Robin had some audio of Laura Loomer talking about Ilhan Omar on her Facebook account.
Robin read a story about Tiger Woods going to the White House to collect a medal of freedom. Robin had audio of Trump talking to Tiger about his ''relentless will to win, win, win'' and things like that. Trump then presented him with the Presidential medal of Freedom. Howard asked if you can imagine anyone in the military hearing this. He said that's who should be getting these awards. Howard said Tiger did fuck a lot of porn stars. Robin said that doesn't make the country great. Robin said the President and Tiger have had a lot of business dealings so this helps him. Robin had some audio of Tiger's acceptance speech.
Howard said Sour Shoes hit it on the head when he said that William Barr looks like Elton John. He took a call from Sour who gave him that. He said that or the dad on Wonder Years. Howard said that's true too. Sour was cracking himself up with that. Gary said he's not sure what's going on with Sour but he was calling non stop last week. He said his parents are away so he was calling everyone there while they were away. Howard said Barr looks like Steve Bannon too. Robin said no one knows who that is. Howard said he thinks they do. Robin said she thinks Barney or Fred Flintstone.
Robin read a story about how President Trump's tax returns are safe again for a while. Robin said Steve Mnuchin has denied the democrats again. They say it has no legitimate purpose. Robin said they may hold someone in contempt for this but nothing seems to happen when they do.
Robin had Howard play Don McLean's song ''American Pie'' and said that Don is getting an award from UCLA. Robin said they discovered he had been charged with domestic violence and they rescinded his award. Robin said he was announcing to his fans he was going to get it but they had taken it back before the ink was dry. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he told High Pitch Erik he could be the first caller today. He got him on the phone and explained why he rushed him off the phone yesterday. Erik said he's mad at Jeff the Drunk. Howard asked if he's on speaker phone or holding it. Erik said he's holding it. Erik said again that he's mad at Jeff. Howard said there's something going on with his phone. He asked if this is a jokey kind of anger or real. Erik said it's a real anger. Howard asked if he wants to talk to Jeff. Erik said yes. Howard got Jeff on the line.
Howard told Jeff not to hang up. Jeff said he's listening. Howard told Erik to go ahead. Erik said he's not jealous of him being on Cameo. Jeff said he is too. He said that's bullshit. Robin asked what the anger issue is then. Erik said he's following in his footsteps and taking his money. Jeff laughed at that. Erik said the other thing is that Jeff was very mean to his friend Nikki. Howard told him to hold on. He said Shuli says that Erik has called him two nights in a row ranting about Jeff. Jeff asked what's wrong with what he's doing.
Howard said Erik is being reasonable on the air. He said he's not ranting like he does with Shuli. Howard asked Shuli to clear this up. Shuli said Erik is still trying to wake up. He said he screams on the phone with him. He said he's screaming about Jeff stealing his thunder and stealing his clients.
Howard said he hates giving Cameo all of these plugs. He said Erik got on Cameo and made these announcements. Robin asked how many he was doing a day. Erik said he did 30 so far. Shuli said he gets a ton of them and he gets so many because he'll read whatever you send him.
Howard said Erik thinks that everyone else is getting hip to this and he thinks they're stealing his clients. Howard asked why not be mad at Cameo for not blocking them. Erik said he's raising his price to $150. Howard said you have to lower it to get a better bargain. Erik said that he's going to do his voices for them so he's raising it.
Erik said that girl he brought in the studio, Nikki, is being treated mean by Jeff. Jeff asked why he cares. Howard asked what he did to Nikki. Shuli said Erik has threatened to kill like 17 women but he's defending this one. Erik said Jeff wasn't very nice to her. Jeff said fuck her and fuck Erik you fat fuck.
Howard said Erik is disrespectful to women. Erik said Jeff curses at them. Jeff said he's the king of the Wack Pack. Erik said he's disrespectful to them. He said he's never disrespectful to Howard too. Howard asked Erik if he's never disrespectful to him. Erik said never. Howard said lets see what he wrote on Twitter on April 12th. He read a tweet where he said he has better stuff to do than go on his show. Howard asked what's up with that. Erik asked if he really wrote that. Jeff said he did write that you dumb fuck.
Erik said he doesn't curse Howard. Jeff and Erik went at each other calling each other names. They were cursing each other out.
Howard said he's not sure what Erik's point is. He said every Wack Packer is up there on Cameo. Erik said Howard said he's the biggest star in the Wack Pack last week. Shuli said he may have meant size wise.
Jeff said he scored higher than Erik on the IQ test. Howard asked what his score was. Jeff said it was higher than Erik. Howard said higher than 60 is great. Erik did his Jeff the Drunk impression for a few seconds.
Howard said they had better pray that Beetlejuice never goes on Cameo. He said if he does they're done. Howard said Medicated Pete charges $75 and he's getting a ton of requests. Shuli said Tan Mom is on there too. Howard asked Erik why he's focused on Jeff. Jeff said he's jealous. Erik said maybe Jeff is jealous of him. Jeff said Erik is the one who is arguing. Howard said they're both trying to make a couple of bucks. Erik said maybe Jeff is jealous of him because he raised his price. Jeff said Erik is a fucking idiot. Erik said Jeff is the idiot. Jeff said he's not worried about him at all. Erik said he's the fucking idiot.
Robin asked who the first one was on Cameo. They said it was Erik. Robin said they all followed Erik on there. Howard said he had a dream that he was going to be the only one on radio when he was younger. He said it's an unrealistic thing to think. He asked Erik if he gets what he's saying. Erik said he's saying that he should be the only one on radio and no one else. Howard asked if that's realistic. Jeff yelled out ''Nooo!'' He said it's not that hard to come up with an answer. Erik said there are other people in radio. He said Howard is number one in radio. Howard said he wasted a lot of years thinking he should be the only one. He said Erik is hyper focused on this Cameo thing. He said that there are others who followed in his footsteps and it's not fair to get upset. Erik asked why other people have to follow in their footsteps. Howard said that's just what happens.
Howard said Cameo came up with this idea and they are the ones who innovated. Robin said if he was starting another Cameo they would be upset. Robin said they're just using what they developed. Erik said he was the first Wack Packer on there though. He said they're all just following him. Robin asked if they can't make money like he is. Erik said they're following in his footsteps. Robin said you have to have followers to be a leader.
Howard said apologize to Jeff because he's not really upset with him. Erik said let Jeff apologize to him first. Jeff apologized for Erik being an asshole toward him.
Erik said Michael Rapaport is on there because of him. Howard asked why he's not yelling at him. Erik said he's like a Wack Packer for making fun of Gary.
Howard said he has to tell Erik that there's not much he can do about this. He said Jeff is going to continue to do this stuff. Erik said that people need to make money out there. He said he this is how people make a living. Robin said he doesn't have a beef then. Erik said that Howard made some good points for both of them. Jeff said he didn't have a problem. Erik said he always did in the past.
Shuli asked if Jeff got requests after raising his prices yesterday. Jeff said he got 2. He said this is the beginning. Erik said he got 15 requests and he's charging $75. Howard said he can't think of a worse way to waste $100. Robin said that they're asking for it. Howard said Erik got his chance to vent. Robin said she thinks they straightened things out here. Jeff said goodbye to ''fuck face.'' He said he was talking to Howard and not Erik. Howard let Jeff and Erik go after that. He let Shuli go too.
Howard said it's weird that a kid can go to school in Haiti for $100 and Jeff is making a message for that much.
Robin said when you become famous and something happens people see the donation and call the organization and complain. Robin said they become paranoid that this is a movement and they dump the guy who gave them the money. Robin said this happened to her. She said she was on the Child Abuse Prevention program board and they got crap from people. Robin said she would ask how much they donated and they donated nothing. Robin said she told them they can take nothing or what she's donating.
Howard said they can go back to eating mud down in Haiti if they give that money back. Robin said they're afraid it's going to ruin their reputation and meanwhile the people complaining aren't giving any money. Howard said he feels bad for the kids in Haiti.
Howard said today he's going to reveal who his favorite interview of all time was on the show. He said it's in his book ''Howard Stern Comes Again'' which is out next week. Howard said he has a ton of interviews he loves. He said he couldn't get them all in the book. He said he was thinking about the interviews and he loves Alec Baldwin and Bradley Cooper. He said he finished the book and had to cut somewhere. He said he never got to those guys. Robin said Alec was in the book. Howard said he's talking about the full interviews. He said it's hard to fit everyone in.
Howard said he loves Robert Downey Jr. He said he thinks he's probably the greatest actor or one of the greatest of all time. Robin agreed. She said she wishes he had seen the Avengers movie because she'd like to talk to him about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who called himself Oranges. Howard asked who he thinks he'll have in today. Oranges said he knows for a fact who it is. He said he can't wait for Goldust to return to the show today. Howard said he didn't make the book but he is a good interview. Howard said he'll reveal his favorite interview at 9:30 today.
Robin asked what Oranges is doing on the phone. Oranges said he's in the bathroom. He said he's working on getting it all out. He said he'd rather do it at home and not do it at work. Howard asked if he's wiping now. Oranges said he's going to wait until he's off the phone. He said he can't wait until next Tuesday when his book is on his Kindle. Robins said the book is so beautifully done. She said he should get that. Howard said he gave it to his psychiatrist yesterday and he thought it was beautiful. Robin said Oranges should get a copy of it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said it's David Letterman from the birthday show. She said case closed. Howard said they'll see at 9:30 today when that person comes in. The caller said she can't wait for Tuesday when the book comes.
Robin asked if this person jumped at the chance to come in. Howard said he thinks this person was honored. He said this person will be on ISDN. Robin asked if she will recognize their voice. The caller asked if anyone will be offended that he picked this person. Howard said no.
Robin asked if the person was happy to come on. Howard said he thinks they were happy about it. Robin said that tells her it wasn't Letterman. Howard said he spoke to Letterman last night and he's excited about the book. Robin said he doesn't like to do much of anything.
Howard said he's doing the Colbert Show in about 2 weeks and it's the first time he'll be back to the Ed Sullivan theater in years. He said he used to go on a lot. He said he was on like 3 or 4 times a year. He said he backed off eventually. He said he became more and more reclusive. He said Dave was very gracious about having him on. He said he's going back to the Ed Sullivan theater and he has to see what that's going to be like. He said it's going to be very different. Howard said when you did the Letterman show Dave would never come down to see you before the show. He said he liked that. He said some of these guys come visit before the interview. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel and Leno did that. Howard said he's not sure how Colbert does his thing though.
Howard said they had a crew over there at Letterman. He said you got to know all of them. Robin said she got stuck in the room with Mariann from Brooklyn once at Letterman. She said they had her in the green room once. Robin said she thinks she was in there with Beth too. Howard said Beth asked if he wanted her to go with him. He said he likes it when she's there with him but it's weird because his dressing room would load up with his agent, Ralph, Toni, Robin, Vinnie Favale and a lot of people. He said they'd all pile in and he had to throw them all out at some point.
Howard said he likes it when Robin is there but he does have to kick everyone out at some point. Robin said they used to bring him into the room with the TV on. Howard said he wanted that so he could see what Dave was doing. He said there's so much history in that theater with Dave. He said it hit him the other night. He said he's very fond of Stephen Colbert and he likes the guy. He said he's never done his show though. Robin said he has done Fallon. Howard said he did that a long time ago.
Howard said he has a bunch of people guessing who is going to be on today. He took some calls and let people guess. One guy said he thinks it will be Billy Joel. Howard said Billy is in the book. He said he wrote a long thing about him. He said maybe he'll walk in today.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks it's going to be Larry David. Howard said he is an interesting guest. He said they'll find out at 9:30. Robin said she thinks it could be Bill Murray. Howard said Bill Murray was great too. Robin said she didn't look in the book.
Howard said people would ask him who his favorite was. He said in the book he attempted to go through all of this stuff. He said when he came upon this person he remembers going home after and thinking that this was the first time he felt like he asked every question he wanted to and every answer was perfect. He said he felt so close to this person that he felt like they were going to be best friends. He said when you get that feeling that you had this big moment with this person it feels like nirvana. He said you think you're going to be friends and it just doesn't happen.
Howard said he went home thinking about how great it was. He said he was reviewing all of these people and he thought that it was the best one he ever did. He said it was as good as it gets. He said he'll talk more about it later when this person is on. He said he chose this person because he had no regrets at all. He said he felt like the person opened up and he was the best guest because of him. He said he felt like he didn't know this person before and now he did. He said he knew his nature and his soul and who he was. He said he was funny, serious and everything you want in an interview.
Howard said if you came down from Mars and asked him what interview he felt most satisfied about it was this one. He said this was the one. Robin said if someone wants to get a good interview subject they should listen to this interview. Howard said this is like a perfect interview for him. He said if you want to be a good guest this is a good interview to listen to.
Howard said Mariann has been calling into other shows to promote the book. He said it's really fucking weird. He said she's on tour more than he is. He said it's kind of weird.
Howard said Mariann has to calm down for a second. He said that she called into Scott Ferrall's show on CBS. He said she made it at 1:45 in the morning. Howard played the call that Mariann made where she plugged ''Howard Stern Comes Again.'' She sounded much more calm on his show than she does on Howard's show. Scott and Mariann talked about the book for a short time.
Howard said then she called Sid Rosenberg's CBS show to plug the book. He said she also revealed that she's thinking about running for Brooklyn Borough President. Howard played that clip where Mariann talked about all of that.
Howard said Mariann also called into the Dr. Drew show in California. Howard played that clip where Mariann got in some plugs for Howard's book.
Howard said she called this guy in Minnesota called Jason Matheson. Robin asked how she knows this guy. Mariann said some of them call her. Howard said he called this guy once. He said Mariann gets a whole intro on this guy's show. He said he's praising her. Howard played that clip and Jason was saying Mariann is a piece of radio history. He said she's probably the most famous radio guest ever. Mariann got on and said she is the most loyal Howard Stern fan. She got in plugs for Howard's book.
Mariann said that Howard is on the cover of The Hollywood Reporter today. Howard said he can't imagine what that looks like. Mariann said he's going to love it. She said it's amazing. Howard said he wishes he had 10 percent of the enthusiasm for his career that Mariann does. He said that he's taping for Good Morning America and another show. Robins said Howard is not going to be happy with the picture. Howard said oh boy. Robin said she thinks it's good but she doesn't think Howard will be happy.
Howard asked Gary to show him the picture. Mariann was talking about how good he looks. Howard asked why he can't love himself like Mariann loves him. Howard took a look and said that picture is horrible. He said he said to the guy don't shoot him from below. Robin said that's what she thought. Howard said it's a terrible picture. He said it's fucking horrible. Mariann said no one is picking him apart like he picks himself apart. Mariann said Robert Smigel is another one. Howard said she just ruined his day.
Howard said that picture just ruined his day. He said if anyone loves him go buy that magazine and throw it away. He said burn them. Robin said she was unpacking not too long ago and she had a cover of Rolling Stone that he did. Howard said Rolling Stone let him pick the photo. He said he would ask Jann Wenner if he could pick it so he'd be happy to promote it. He said he'd tell Jann that he's not going to tell him no but at least let him have some input. He said he can't believe that they don't let people do that. He said this is the last he's going to mention The Hollywood Reporter because of that picture. He doesn't care what the article says.
Robin said there's more than one picture. Howard said that's not the way he wants himself presented.
Howard said Mariann has been on a mad tour about the book. He said you can tell he's really bummed. He said he was getting into it. He said he has done some photography in his life. He said that he actually took some pictures of himself and Beth. He said he's done his fair share of photography. He said he did say to the photographers that they shot the horror movies from under them to make them look like monsters. He said when a short photographer comes in he asks them to shoot him from above. He said he's not looking to be shot like Frankenstein. He said they think he's joking but he's not. He said he's no beauty anyway. Robin said he is on his book cover. Howard asked why they can't shoot his cover like they shoot Game of Thrones... in the dark. He said that was his favorite episode. He said his nose takes up half the cover.
Robin said she likes his smile in that photo. Howard said he hates smiling pictures. Howard said he spent hours with them. He asked why they would do this to him. Robin said it's a good picture. Howard said no wonder no one trusts Hollywood.
Howard said Mariann did more promotion and she said she bought 20 copies of the book already for Christmas presents. Howard played more of Mariann's call to that guy Jason's show.
Howard said Mariann got on the Jennifer Flavin show on QVC and got in a plug on there. Howard played that clip and Mariann got on and said she loves Jennifer. Mariann said she loves her skin care line. She told her that Howard Stern is coming out with his new book and she's going to be rocking her new look. Mariann wanted to send her a book. They moved on after that.
Howard said no one is into him like Mariann is. He said John Hinckley wasn't into Jodie Foster as much as she's into him. He said that John never promoted her movies. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has a bunch of other things to get to. They went to break after that.
Howard said he went and looked at that picture again and he may have been harsh at first. He said it's not a bad picture. He said it's fine. He said he wishes he never had to take a picture of himself again. He said the most painful thing is for him to sit in a photo session and not have control over the picture. He said he loves the book and he's happy it's out. He said he thought doing promotion would be more fun. He said he did that in the past and it wasn't so bad. He said big things he'll go out and promote. He said the older he gets the less likely he is to leave the house. He said he's become so reclusive it's painful to leave. He said he doesn't even like going out to dinner. He said it's getting worse for him becoming so reclusive.
Robin asked how his psychiatrist is doing. Howard said he thinks he's doing okay. He said as soon as he sees himself on the cover of The Hollywood Reporter it's a lot to take. He doesn't like the way he looks. Robin asked if he likes older pictures of himself. Howard said he doesn't like any. He said there are just a couple he likes. He said he likes the cover of his book but he chose that one. He said he doesn't know why magazines don't let you pick. He said he likes his baby pictures. He said that's what they should be using.
Howard said he sees himself on the cover of a magazine and he's not happy. He said tomorrow he's doing a Good Morning America taping and he thinks he looks horrible. He said it's weird to be so self conscious.
Robin said Barbara Streisand has that thing. She made Rosie O'Donnell give her the hosts's chair so she could get her lighting. Howard said he doesn't do that. He said the interviewer from The Hollywood Reporter was lovely. He said she was great. He said when he saw the picture he went ''oh shit.'' He said he took another look and it's not that bad.
Howard said even if it was the best picture ever taken he'd have that reaction. Robin said when Charlize Theron was in there Howard didn't want to have his picture taken and even Charlize said she doesn't like having her's taken. Howard said she was just being kind. He said he doesn't think anyone likes having their picture taken. He said Beth is like that. He said she will hate a picture that he thinks is amazing.
Howard said there's a cartoon called Big Mouth and Gary has told him about it. Gary said he's obsessed with it. Howard said in the article the guy who created the cartoon wanted him to be in it. He said according to Nick Kroll he wrote him a long letter asking him to play a part in the cartoon. Howard said he claims he wrote this letter. He said he never saw any letter from Nick. He said it never got to him. Robin said Howard has been dying to do voice over. Howard said he probably wouldn't have done it. He said he wouldn't have any way of knowing if it was good or bad. Gary says it's good though. He said he's never seen this one but some cartoons don't make sense. Robin said she loved The Flintstones but she doesn't watch The Simpsons. Gary said they're kind of grown up cartoons. He said he loves this and Bojack Horseman. He said his wife wonders why. Howard said a lot of women don't get it. He said they don't get the super hero thing either.
Howard said he has to take another quick break. He said when he comes back he has a quiz they did with the Wack Pack where they asked if they would finger their mom for prizes. He said they'll be back to do that. They went to break after that.
Howard said he desired a black girl in Roosevelt but she laughed at him when he mentioned it. He said he was white and they lived in Roosevelt so that couldn't happen. Robin said that could have been a beautiful love affair. Howard said she would have half his money by now if they had married and divorced. Howard said she could have had his two inch penis. Howard said she was really something. Robin asked if he ever looked her up on Facebook. Howard said he never did. He doesn't remember her last name.
Howard said you think about what life is like when you're famous. He said the other night he was on Facebook looking up women who turned him down in high school. Robin said she had someone come up to her who said they worked together and she didn't remember anything. Howard said his whole life is pretty fuzzy. He said Gary is better at remembering what happened to him than he is. Robin said she had some people who rarely listen to the show but they tuned in and said they had to turn it off when she was talking to ''some weird guy'' and they asked if she remembered. She said they have a lot of weird guys.
Howard said they asked members of the Wack Pack if they would finger their mom for prizes. He said they did it for Mother's day. He said they asked Bigfoot if he would do that. Howard said this is what happened. Howard played the clip and Bigfoot said he doesn't want to ask his mom that. He hung up.
Howard said they asked Bobo this question and Bobo said no. He said she passed away in 1984 or something like that. Sal asked if he would do that to his aunt. Bobo said no way to that. He said she was wild back in the day but not like that. He said she'd kill him.
Howard said next up was Tan Mom. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said she absolutely would do that. She misunderstood when Sal told her fingering. She said she thought it meant giving her the finger. She said she would finger Sal's butt though.
Howard said finally they called Medicated Pete. Howard played the clip and Pete said she probably wouldn't talk to him again if he asked. They asked if Pete would let his mom finger his ass. Pete said it's his mom though. Sal asked him to get his mom on the phone with him. Sal said Pete has a question for her. Pete asked his mom if she would finger his ass for big prizes. She said she appreciates the offer. She told Pete that he should be ashamed of himself. Howard said he got grounded for like 2 weeks for that.
Robin said she thought she was being so good about it when she thanked them for asking. Howard said they always feel obligated to came up with a mother's day bit. He said that was it.
Howard said they went on the street and asked the same thing and got the same kind of answers. Howard played the interviews and people weren't happy about being asked questions like that. One guy asked his mom who was with him and she said yes. Howard said they did have one taker so they booked Radio City Music hall for that.
Howard said he's sticking to his diet and eating very little. He said his wife skips 2 meals a day and he's not sure how she does that. He said he doesn't get it. He said when he wakes up he's hungry and then he eats his lunch at 9:30. He said Beth will say he just had breakfast. Howard said animals don't wait for a certain time to eat. He said that it's not even the 7 pounds but his belly is hanging. He said it's really nasty.
Robin said Charlize said you're not supposed to look. Howard said he didn't hear that. Robin said she said a lot of stuff like that. Howard said her looks were distracting. He said he didn't hear all of that.
Howard said he had faux meatballs last night. He said he had a salad and some quinoa and he still went up in weight. He said for breakfast he's having yogurt and berries. He said 2 hours later he has an egg sandwich. He asked how many calories could be in that.
Howard said he had multiple fittings for the John Varvatos stuff. He said now he can't wear them.
Howard said he wants to be beautiful like the people at the Met Gala. He said he doesn't get that Met Gala. He said he's on the web looking at the Daily Mail where they show all of these actresses showing off their bodies. Howard said he gets sucked into those stories. He said they said J-Lo was flaunting her trim abs and he wasn't going to look but he had to look.
Robin said Alex Rodriguez has a move where he's pointing at something and talking to J-Lo about it. She said you can't get him away from her.
Howard said he was looking at these photos of people at the Met Gala which had a theme of ''camp'' which meant campy type things. He said Katy Perry was in a burger outfit. He said the best is on the E! network. He said they get one gay guy and some fawning women who get dressed up even though they're not at the Met Gala. He said Lady Gaga made an entrance and they were going crazy over her. He played a clip of the E! people freaking out about what she was wearing.
Howard said Chris Wilding was telling him about going out on a gay date and the guy told him he's not gay enough for him. He said that guy must be looking for the guy on E!. Howard said he knows everyone wants to be famous but this is a gig you don't want to have. Robin said she thinks that they do. Howard played more audio of them freaking out about Lady Gaga.
Howard said this is what the human race has been heading toward. He asked if Robin could do a show like that. Robin said she doesn't get it. Howard played more of the hosts talking about Lady Gaga's outfit changes.
Howard took a call from Ralph and told him to act like that when he tries on clothes. Ralph said a lot of those people looked ridiculous. He said Harry Styles was one of them. He said he looked like an asshole. Robin said this is going to change men's fashion. Ralph said no it's not. He said everyone thinks it looks ridiculous.
Howard said maybe Harry is transitioning. Howard said Perry Farrell would dress like that. He said so did Scott Weiland. He said they could pull it off though.
Howard played more audio of the E! hosts talking about the outfits they were looking at. Howard did his impression of the gay guy's reaction to the outfits. Howard said they never criticize anything. Robin said they got in trouble for doing that in the past so that's all they do now. Howard played more audio of the hosts and said he has to get that guy on the show. He did more of his impression of the guy getting excited about all of this stuff. Howard said you have to amp it up for this show.
Howard said Michael Rapaport had a weird reaction to this. He said he was on some show making fun of the outfits. He played a clip of Rapaport yelling about the outfits and goofing on them. Howard said they should put him on that E! show. Howard said that guy went ballistic.
Ralph said he never called him fatso. Howard said he did too but it was joking. Ralph said he never said it. Howard said he'll call him douche bag and Ralph calls him fatso. Howard said they'll talk about eating and he says he's not eating that much. He said he gets shrimp Parmesan and he only eats a tenth of the pasta. He said he has to have something to eat. He said he won't eat a lot of the cheese or anything. Ralph said he eats once a day. He said he won't eat until 2 in the afternoon. Howard said he's sick all the time from that. He said he's disgusting.
Ralph said Howard has to stop goofing on himself. He said he looks good for his age. Howard said he's not complaining about his age. He said he's complaining about his face. Robin said Ralph is saying this because he looks like Howard. Ralph said fuck you Robin. Howard said Chris went to lunch with Ralph and Ralph had a really scary coughing fit. Ralph said he's not sick all the time. He said stop saying that.
Howard had Chris come in to talk about the cough. Ralph said that Chris has to stop having guys cum on his floor. Chris said a few guys have done that lately. He said that he's trying to be safer lately. He said a bunch of guys do it and it's kind of rude. He said he's the asshole who gets up to clean it. Ralph asked if they don't clean up. Chris said he's a control freak so he has to do it. Howard said that's gross. He said he should start fucking some women. Chris said he's 10 seconds from doing that. He said it's just annoying.
Howard asked what happened with Ralph. Chris said Ralph lives in this great area with great restaurants and he has to introduce him to these places. Ralph said he goes into the city for dinner. Chris said he suggested the worst restaurant. He said they were eating this shit food and Ralph started coughing and turned red in the face. He said he thought they were going to lose him. Ralph said he was coughing on a piece of ice. He said it went down the wrong way.
Howard said they bicker like Brad and George. Chris said he suggested a place and Ralph didn't want to go. He said they went and they had this pizza with asparagus on it and Ralph said that sounds disgusting. Howard asked if he cringed. Chris said he couldn't look at the waitress. He said she loved Ralph by the end of the dinner. He said that's the charm of Ralph.
Howard said Ralph busted him about guys cumming on his floor. Chris said it's fine. He said it's like gay Mecca over there. He said they all have to come over there at least once.
Chris said that he and Ralph bonded over Silence of the Lambs and ever since then they've been friendly. He said he likes Ralph a lot. He said he's a great guy but it's embarrassing to go out to dinner with him. He said don't take him anywhere nice though.
Howard kicked Chris out and hung up on Ralph as they were arguing about going out to dinner.
Howard said he used to be asked to be someone's man of the year. He said it was a bunch of cable networks. Mike said that Seinfeld has a Mark Twain award. Robin said Letterman and Bill Murray too. Howard said he would watch that but they just get you on to have your famous friends there. He said he doesn't like that move. Robin said the comedians like it because they don't have an academy award. Howard said Chappelle is exceptional.
Mike said Howard is the biggest voice of their generation. He said he's a big influence. Mike asked when he's going to call into Bubba's show to promote the book. Howard said he will do it at some point. He said maybe he'll do it during the morning show there. Mike said Mariann called in and Bubba just let her yell and scream until she ran out of steam. He said she eventually runs out of things to say. Howard let Mike go and said he always works Bubba into his calls.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Richard Simmons impression talking about how he's the best guest. He thanked Howard for that great honor. Howard broke the news that it's not him. Fake Richard got upset with him over that. Howard let Sour go and talked about how great Richard was when he came on this show. He said he wishes they had spent the Mueller report money on an investigation into Richard Simmons. He said maybe when he retires he can look into Richard. He said he'll come back in 2 years and tell them he doesn't relay know what's going on. He said then Fred can do the redactions in the report.
Howard said his mind is all over the place. He said he's thinking about how he's going to introduce the best interview he ever did. He said he has an idea in his head. He said it could go 50 different ways. He said he's just thinking about it. Robin asked if he's excited. Howard said he is. Howard said people used to call asking who the best interview was. Howard said he would say there is no ''the best'' but he sat down and thought about it for the book. He said he was thinking about what he was most satisfied with. He said he felt most complete with this interview. Howard said this was the one time he went home and thought he did a good job and the guest was perfect. He said he had no self criticism and didn't feel like he let anyone down. He said he felt like this guy and him were so close now. He said that's how perfect it was. He said that's how perfect it was. Robin said you get this feeling of love. Howard said he gets that feeling but then that person is gone and he never hears from them again. He said the whole business is like that.
Howard said he felt so good on the set of his movie. He said they took care of him like a baby. He said it was like he was back in the womb. He said his mother didn't even give him the tit. He said she says it was her greatest regret. He said she said they told them not to back then. Howard said it was something they did not do. He did his impression of his mother talking about that. Howard said they say you could have 10 extra IQ points if you did breast feed. Robin said not everyone gets that. Howard said maybe he could have. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and Robin asked who that band is. Howard said he's not sure. He said that it's Honky Tonk Woman. He said it sounds like Humble Pie. Robin said this is a good rendition. Howard said it's one of his favorite versions.
Howard said now it's time to reveal his favorite interview that he wrote about in his book which comes out next week. He said that he wants to celebrate this person. He said he came up with an answer and this is the best way to promote the book. Robin said it was great to say he had an actual favorite. Howard said he never had one because so many people have come in and been great interviews. He said he did think about it when he was writing the book and he took it seriously. Howard said now he wants to introduce Will the Farter... He said it's actually not Will.
Howard said the person is on microphone right now. He asked if he should do a big build up. Robin said she wants to know why. Howard said he went home after the interview and said he felt like he asked every question he needed to ask. He said it was brilliant and funny and the guest was great. He said they talked about a variety of topics like depression and funny moments in the guest's life. He said they were so in sync and he went home and thought about how great it was. He said when he interviewed Paul McCartney he felt like he didn't ask everything. He said this guest he felt like it was complete. He said he went home and thought about this guest. He said this guest has a TV show and he's very insightful and very bright. He said after the interview he thought that they were going to become very good friends. He said he was like a brother. He said this person is... Mr. Conan O'Brien.
Robin said his name did come up today. Howard asked if Conan is there. Conan said he is there. He said hello to Robin. Howard asked if he has the book yet. Conan said he just got it. He said a friend, Frank Smiley, took it and started devouring it. He said he doesn't have it in front of him.
Howard said when he wrote the book he hoped that Frank would get it before Conan. Conan said Frank has been Howard's biggest fan since the day he started in radio. He said he comes in and harangues him and fills his ear with what Howard has been up to. He said he thinks Frank loves Howard and loathes him.
Howard said this was very organic. Conan said he thinks this is a big mistake. He said he will regret this. Howard said he knows Conan has a new podcast and he calls it Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. He asked if he ever does an interview and he thinks he's going to be friends with them. He said then they never speak. Conan said he knows what he's talking about. He said when he and Howard had that interview he left and it was like they had just had sex. He said in a lot of ways they did. He said they stumbled away from each other and they thought it was a good interview. He said he thought they had connected.
Conan said people were coming up to him on the street and telling him how much it meant to them. He said it felt good but he never stopped hearing about that interview. He said that's why he hasn't been on since.
Howard said when he watched Conan on TV you can't be over the top. He said it's difficult to be like that. He said he felt like he got to know Conan in a different way. He said he always gets to be funny but he was talking about depression in a serious way. He said he became a more complete person. He said you can't connect like that on a TV show.
Conan said he has writers and he thinks he can be funny in there. He said there was a way he would go on long riffs and go into a trance in there. He said that doesn't come out on TV. He said you can't get that out in 6 or 7 minutes. He said as a host you have to take care of people. He said that gets in the way too. He said you can't be completely yourself. He said what was nice talking to Howard that day was getting that out. He said the format of Howard's show fits him so perfectly. He said it allows Howard to do whatever he wants. He said he can follow something for 15 or 20 minuets on Howard's show. He said if he had a late night show he would be frustrated. Howard said he couldn't do a 6 minute interview.
Howard said Conan said something about depression and they got into that discussion. He said that was really raw. He said he had to thank SiriusXM for giving him that format there. He said that allowed him to do an interview like that.
Conan said the format kept changing and Howard has been able to show more and more of himself. He said he's been able to evolve. He said he thinks he had these skill sets all along but they have evolved. Conan said he thinks it evolved to fit Howard. He said he kind of likes that there are so many late night hosts on TV now. He said that it takes the pressure off. He said he prefers that. He said he can be himself instead of having someone reading off the numbers to him and telling him to nudge his numbers up.
Howard said it was a bizarre circus when he was on the Tonight Show. He said he must not have had 10 minutes to think straight. Conan said he remembers when he was a kid Evel Knievel had a rocket jump over Snake River Canyon and he remembers thinking about the circus around that. He said that's what his career was like when he was doing the Tonight Show. He said he was going to be doing the same thing he was already doing for 16 years.
Conan said he's happier doing the show the way it is now. He said he loves doing the podcast and the TV show. He said you can evolve more easily these days because it's different now. He said back in the Leno and Letterman days it was like Godzilla vs. Mothra. Howard said you can't find the ratings anymore in the paper. Conan said there aren't even newspapers anymore. Howard said he still gets a paper. Conan asked if he gets it from a little kid in a tweed cap. Howard said he does.
Howard said the pressure was remarkable back in the Tonight Show days. He said there seemed to be a lot more pressure. He said he had like 10 minutes to prove himself. Conan said it was a different time. He said shows come and go now and you're not even aware. He said there are 155 of them so you don't know. He said he can envy people coming up today but he also thinks it's harder to make your mark.
Conan said when he heard that Howard was going to do this today he has a hard time with it. He said he can't believe that he is the best of all time. He said it's seriously an honor. Conan said he has thought about reaching out to someone and he has a problem doing that. Conan said it's hard for people to believe but he has a shyness about this. He said he doesn't think that Howard wants to hang out with him. Howard said he would never pick up the phone and bother Conan. He said he doesn't think he wants to be bothered by him. Howard said it's a big letdown for him. He said he's on the West coast and he's out there. He said he must hang with Andy Richter.
Howard said no one understands how funny Andy is. Conan said Andy is one of the most consistently funny people he has met. He said in this medium it's hard but Andy has always been funny since day one. He said he makes him laugh every day. He said Andy is infinitely funny and intelligent.
Howard asked if he was responsible for Andy's divorce. He said he was shocked by that. He asked if Conan knew that. Conan jokingly said he and Andy haven't spoken in 5 years. Howard said he spent a weekend with Andy at Jimmy Kimmel's party. He said he was the last guy he expected to get divorced. Conan said he's had so many friends who have been in long marriages and it appears to be going well but then they come in and say they're done. He said it's shocking. Howard asked how he's going to deal with him dating. Howard said he can't imagine it. Conan said he can't either.
Howard said Andy is a married man for 27 years and it's weird. Conan said he knows people who have been married 30 years and then they say it's over. He said he didn't see it coming.
Howard asked if it was frustrating for Conan as a TV performer to get on TV and not be able to recreate that long form kind of thing. Conan said yes. He said they would say that it came across in certain forms. He said that he can't go out there and go on a riff with Dame Judy Dench and tell her to shut up while he does it. He said they're lucky that the medium is changing. He said that this conversation wouldn't have existed 12 years ago. Howard said he's right. Conan said when Howard made the move to Sirius it was one of those things where he was ahead of the curve. He said he probably saw something that they didn't.
Conan said Howard had a show about the show and a show before the show and after the show. He said that he was creating this whole thing. He said you can create this world and it's something that Howard has managed to do. He said if you like Howard they can take a deep dive into the show. He said this didn't exist before. He said it's a pretty amazing time to be in the business.
Howard said it is an amazing time and he thanks SiriusXM for letting him do it. He said that he doesn't have to worry about the FCC anymore. He said he's looking at this format and they can do whatever they want there. He said they don't have to stick to those constraints of traditional broadcasting. He said the medium is changing and that's why they have the chance to do this.
Conan said that Howard is in a sweet spot and he should enjoy it. Howard said he tries but he's a mess. He said he will be a guest on Conan's podcast on May 27th. He said you can find his podcast at TeamCoco.com. He said he must like that. Conan said he loves it. Howard asked if he likes doing the show with the half hour format now. Conan said he does. He said he just talks to the person and he'll talk to them and they find the commercial edit after. He said they put a bunch of stuff online that doesn't get on the air.
Howard said that Bob Grant had a show and they'd take a 10 minute news break from his show. He said he just wanted to hear Bob Grant. He said you should have the freedom to do whatever you want to do on your show. He said that Conan should be able to do that if he wants to. Conan said he has the freedom to do that now. He said he will go and tell them to find the commercial breaks and get rid of the comedy if they need to. He said that they don't have to stick to a format. He said they don't get hate mail the next day if they do that. He said that's not the way the world works now. Conan said he doesn't need a desk anymore. He said he liked it for a while but he took it away.
Howard said everyone got caught up in the Johnny Carson world. Conan said they all did. Howard said they don't need that though. He said he got rid of the band too. Conan said he hated that. He said they had a bunch of reasons for that. He said he loved those guys and he still does gigs with them. He said they're going to do a week at Comic-Con with them. He said he loves those guys.
Howard asked why they got rid of them. Conan said with the half hour show they had to cut back. He said they have to make it pay and be a viable service. He said that they had to do away with some things. He said it was a change they were forced to make. He said Jimmy Vivino and the band were great. Howard said Jimmy is Uncle Floyd's brother. Conan said he is.
Howard asked who had to tell the band that news. Conan said he went in and had a long talk with them. He said they scheduled a long dinner too. Howard asked if he feels like it's his fault and that he can lose friends that way. Conan said they have kept the lines of communication open. He said he thinks they understood. He said it's been 25 years they had this gig. He said they were all thinking they'd never have a 25 year gig. He said they were just really great people and he loves them to death. Howard said he would have recommended driving them into the woods and leaving them.
Howard said he has to tell this story about Saturday Night Live when George Steinbrenner was the host. Conan said the monologue is something that comes together at the last second. He said if it's a comedian they think up their own thing. He said they show up well prepared. He said that some people don't know that it's something someone has to think about all week. Conan said the guests assume that these are professionals and they're going to take care of them. He said sometimes they didn't.
Conan said that George Steinbrenner shows up and they were all terrified of him. He said someone had an idea for a monologue and it wasn't even his idea. He said Lorne asked him to go talk to Steinbrenner and pitch this idea to him. He said no one wanted to do it because George was not a pleasant guy. He said this idea had been pitched to him already and he had said no. He said he and Bob Odenkirk were the young guys there and he had to go in and talk to George with Bob. Conan said he went and pitched this idea to George and George says ''I told you I don't want to do that idea.'' He said he had this massive World Series ring on him and he looks like he has 65 pounds of corned beef in his stomach. He said they went and told Lorne that he didn't want to do it. He said Lorne sent them back to tell him he has to do it.
Conan said they went back to George's dressing room and it's right there on the same floor and they're in this tiny space with George Steinbrenner. He said they go into this tiny room and he tells him this thing with the keys could be funny. He said George starts yelling about how he doesn't want to do it. He said he and Odenkirk just disappeared. He said they didn't speak for like a week after that. He said he doesn't remember what the monologue was that week but he never looked the guy in the eyes again.
Howard asked why Lorne didn't just go to Steinbrenner. Conan said he's a brilliant producer but he is conflict averse. He said he's slick that way. He said he can't get his hands dirty. He said it was like World War I when they'd tell the one guy to reload a gun and the guy would get shot up.
Howard asked Conan what it was like when Odenkirk showed up on Breaking Bad as that lawyer. Conan said he thinks that Bob would even say it was a surprise to him. He said he has this brilliant comedic mind. He said they'd go on these riffs for hours and laugh like idiots. Howard asked if great bits come out of those riffs. Conan said nothing you could put on Saturday Night Live. He said that it was nothing that would fit a format. He said his favorite stuff to write was the stuff that went on at 10 to 1 in the morning. He said that worked for him. He said when he got the late night show they would put sketches on at 1 in the morning that were weird. He said they didn't have to please everyone. He said he thinks that Odenkirk was surprised that the Breaking Bad thing worked.
Howard asked if they went to Bob. Conan said he thinks that Vince Gilligan went to Bob and thought of him for the part. He said he thinks that's how it happened. He said he watches him on the show now and thinks he's a very versatile actor. He said he loves to reminisce with him about the old days. He said he's an actor now and doesn't have time for that shit.
Howard said he imagines Fred going into something like that and how weird it would be. Conan said imagine Fred crying his eyes out over a bad diagnosis and everyone is applauding him. Howard said he can't imagine what that would be like. Conan did the crying thing and said that's that idiot and that just can't happen.
Conan said if you stick around the business long enough crazy stuff like that happens. Howard said he thinks about Conan having Lisa Kudrow as a girlfriend and she told him to do Saturday Night Live because she had confidence in him. Conan said he has to give her credit. He said in 1993 when Lorne was toying with the idea of him doing late night he was an unknown writer. He said nothing like that had happened in TV. He said if something like that happened today with someone with a weird name you wouldn't think twice. He said back then he remembers Howard asking why they didn't pick someone from America when he read the name Conan O'Brien.
Conan said that Lisa wanted him to do the show and she stuck to it. He said he sort of drafted off of her confidence. He said she thought he could do it and he went with that. He said if she wasn't in his face with that he's not sure what he'd be doing now. He said he'd be working in a White Castle or something. Howard said he'd be working for George Steinbrenner.
Howard said he's surprised that Conan has kept in touch with Lisa. Conan said they're all good friends. He said that Lisa's husband is very good looking and his wife talks about how good looking he is so he has to ask her to calm down. He said Lisa has shown how funny she can be over the years. Howard asked if they ever got close to marrying. Conan said ''Oh god no.'' He said they were friends for so long that it was just the way it was going to go. Howard said they were romantic. Conan said they don't have to get into that. Howard said he never had a friend like that who could see him in a different light. He said that pisses him off. He asked what Conan has that he doesn't. Conan said he's very non threatening to women. He said they think of him as just another woman. He said over many years they would sense there may be some testosterone there somewhere. He said it's a great technique to have.
Howard said he wants to thank him for giving him the best interview of all time. He thanked him for getting up early. Conan said he was up very early and there was no one on the roads. He said it's the best time to be on the roads out there. He said he has to thank him for that. Howard said he really did love that interview.
Howard said Conan is deep and funny and a perfect guest. Robin said she's wondering if this is like having great sex with someone. Howard said it is in a way. He said he felt that day an intimacy with this man that he has not felt with other men. He said with Fred he feels that too. Robin said her question is if it's like a drug. She said you look for that same feeling. Howard said he thought that she was going to ask to date Andy Richter. Robin laughed and said she didn't mean to laugh that hard.
Conan asked if this leads to them having a meal together. He said if they do that is there a risk of them walking away and going ''You know...'' Howard said they should risk it. He said he's the worst friend though. Robin said they sound like two old friends. Howard said Conan seduces you into thinking he's your friend. He said he's very phony. Howard said he doesn't allow much emotion into his life. He said he ruins it and they'd never have a meal again. Howard said lets say Conan comes to New York, because he's never going to L.A. Conan said he doesn't have his number to call him. He said he has no idea how to contact him. He said he'd feel really awkward about doing it. Howard said he knows what he means. He said it's neurotic.
Robin asked if he called Conan to let him know about this. Conan said he heard about it from his producer Jeff Ross and he thought it can't be true. He said he didn't believe it and thought it was setup for something. Howard said he thought he was goofing on him. He said he expected there to be a Jackie Puppet. Howard said he wrote about that in the book. He said he never got to know him back then. Conan said that wasn't the time for that. He said you have to start a relationship with the Jackie Puppet.
Howard said he had a long relationship almost with Letterman. He said he thought they should have dinner but then he thinks it would be too weird. He said if you allow yourself to open up then maybe something nice happens. Howard said maybe they should do this. Conan said he will get Howard his information. He said he'll give him his business manager. Howard said lets start that way. Conan said he can reach out to him and then he'll put him in touch with his personal manager and they'll go through the layers.
Howard said he thinks about this interview he did with Conan and how perfect it was. Robin said he should have reached out to him after. Howard said he wrote him a note. Conan said he got that note and he wasn't sure if it was personal or a generic. He said it had a little doodle of Howard on it. Howard said he drew that for him. Conan said he figure he had a drawer full of them. He said people have come into his office and seen it on his desk. He said he tell them that he thinks he sends them out to every guest. Howard said he got suspicious when he saw ''Dear person...''
Robin said she wants Howard to hear this. She said when someone moves you that way you don't do something ordinary. She said you have to make that connection. Howard said she's right. He said he wants to say something. He said Conan is the best interview he ever did. He said this is his feeling and he doesn't want anyone calling in to complain. He said he talked about it in therapy after he did the interview. Conan said he just thought about the therapist saying ''Ehh, he never liked him.''
Howard took a call from Ralph who said the two of them are nuts. He said just go have dinner. Howard said actually his psychiatrist wants to have dinner with Conan.
Howard said he will be doing Conan's podcast. He said if they do dinner who would pay. Conan said he thinks Howard has more money than he does. Robin said he can afford dinner though. Conan said he has invested badly. Howard said he'll pay because he is one of his favorite people. Conan said this will happen within the next 6 months. Robin said they have to talk in the next 6 months or things will get strange. Howard said he might have to bring Andy so they can make a love connection with Andy and Robin. Conan said then he and Howard don't get to talk. Howard said imagine Robin Richter.
Howard said he'll be on Conan's podcast on the 27th of this month. He said he wants to thank him for that wonderful interview. Conan said it's a big deal to him and an honor. Howard said it's not the Mark Twain award but it'll have to do. Howard let Conan go after that.
Howard said his interview with Conan really was the best of all time. Robin said it sounded like two friends catching up so they should try. Howard said he doesn't think people have a good time with him. Robin said she does. Howard said Robin is strange. Howard said there are people who meet him in real life and he never hears from them again.
Howard asked if Robin would go out with Andy. Robin said she was interviewed during a tennis match once and she said liked Andy Roddick and she said Andy Richter accidentally. Howard said maybe that's a sign. Robin said maybe it is.
Robin said Mariann did mention Conan earlier. Howard said Bobo claims that he was the first person to ever ask who his favorite interview was. Bobo said he asked that years ago and Robin thought it was stupid. He said Conan was a great choice. He said the solution to this is to go out to L.A. with his buddy Jimmy and bond there. Howard said he doesn't need Jimmy to set him up with Conan. Robins said parties aren't good to bond at. Howard said he's not an easy guy to make friends with. He said Jimmy really had to pursue the relationship.
Robin said she and Howard never had an issue connecting. Howard said they were on the air together all day long. Robin said they used to talk at night off the air too. Robin said that there was never a question about calling him. Howard said he doesn't think he ever called Fred. Fred said his phone is still working. Bobo said just go with it. He said it would be great. Robin said Bobo will be his next friend. She said you know he'll call.
Robin said Bobo showed up at the hospital when his daughter was born. Howard said he didn't know the guy that well and he showed up to the room with his parents. He said that's a stalker. He said he was paranoid already. He said that Bobo just walked in. He said Dominic Barbara showed up that day too. He said he was trying to have a private moment with his kid being born. He said there had to be 15 people in the room at the time with all of his kids. He said he was super weirded out with security back then. He said he didn't know anything. He said he figured a hospital was a private place. He wasn't really thinking about it. He said his parents walked into the room and this weird looking guy is there with them. He said he thinks this is like when Ashley was born. He said this goes back 26 years. He said then Bobo says something to him and then it dawns on him that this is a dude who didn't belong there. He said he's talking to him and he's telling him he listens to the show every day and wanted to congratulate him. He said he didn't know this guy. He said he got a note saying that he wasn't even on the show yet. Howard said this guy just came into the hospital like he belonged there. He said there was no one to talk to about this. He said he was too dumb to be manipulated. Howard said it was kind of creepy. He said then he left and he remembers asking his parents what the hell that was. He said his mother just said he said he loves his show and she thought he knew him.
Howard said he got crazy after that. He said Dominic also showed up. He said he didn't feel right leaving his daughter there so he got her out of there the next day. He said he was back and forth constantly to make sure she was still there.
Howard said Bobo's first call to the show was in 1993 after he went to the hospital. Howard said people might call for him to ban him from the show again. Howard said he probably should.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that this was such an obvious choice for the best interview. He said that it was an amazing interview. Balls asked Howard about how he sifted through the interviews. Howard said read the book and you'll see.
Howard said one of the first things his daughter saw was Bobo's face. Robin said luckily they can't see very well at that age. Howard and Fred did their Bobo impressions for a few seconds. Howard played a Bobo song parody too.
Howard said he's sorry about that Lauren Hill. He said he doesn't know if she's making records but she wants white people to buy them if she is.
Howard said Bobo wants to apologize for his hospital appearance. Robins said she doesn't care. Howard said they'll move on to the news then. They played her into it with a song parody.
Robin started her news with a story about Adam Sandler who was on Saturday Night Live this week and he was amazing as a host. Robin said the whole show was great this week. She said that she loved everything and especially his shout out to his kids who got to see this since they weren't born yet when he did Saturday Night Live. Howard said it was a rare week where everything was funny. He said the opening was funny and the Chris Farley tribute was funny. Robin had some audio of his ''I was Fired'' song that he did at the start of the show. Robin said then he did a song about his friend Chris Farley. Howard said that was really good. Robin had some audio of that too. Howard asked Fred to write a song about him like that when he dies.
Robin said Billy Bush was hired and he'll be on a show called Extra, Extra. Robin said this is his first time back since Trump took him down. Howard said Trump keeps going but he keeps taking guys down. Robin said Billy Bush talked about going to rehab after the scandal. Robin said you wonder what kind of rehab he went to. Robin said it was a soul searching retreat. Howard said he was this close to being on Cameo doing High Pitch Erik videos. Howard said that guy was almost replacing Matt Lauer on the Today show. Howard said what's weird is that Donald will say crazy shit like the Charlottesville thing having great people on both sides. He said the republican party will say that's not what he meant. He said Billy Bush just went ''Whoa'' when he heard ''grab 'em by the pussy'' and he got fired. Robin said Trump wasn't even running for president at that time the clip was recorded. Robin said the bar is different for your journalistic approach. Howard said you might say ''No you can't'' when he says you can grab 'em by the pussy. Robin said you don't hold some people to the same level as someone running for president. Robin said maybe he thought it was a joke since he was a reality dude.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview with Conan this morning. He said he agrees with his choice actually. He said he went out on a limb with that one. Howard thanked him for that. The caller said they didn't talk about the SiriusXM car winning at Daytona on Sunday. Howard said he didn't know they had one. He said they just didn't know so that's why they didn't talk about it.
Howard said Billy Bush wants to talk about the story Robin just read. He had fake Billy on the phone talking about how he's calling the cops next time someone says the word ''pussy'' near him. Howard said he's imagining he had to pay them to get that job. Robin said it would be nice to have him in the studio to talk. Robin said there's an interesting story there. Howard said his wife left him. Robin said she thinks there's a good story there.
Robin read a story about Megan McCain getting into it with Seth Meyers on his show the other night. Robin had some audio from the show where Megan and Seth were talking about Ilhan Omar. Howard said he's with Megan McCain on what she was saying. He said he'd say to Seth that if someone tweets out something with the N-word, but only twice, is he going to accept their apology? Howard said Bobo used that ''spear chucker'' comment yesterday. He had him on the phone. Bobo said he's not sure why that came out of his mouth. He said he wants to apologize to what he did to Howard at the hospital. He said he didn't think he's bring it back up again. Bobo said he was out of his friggin mind. Bobo said it was a bad thing he did and he was out of his mind back then. He said his kid even asked him where he was going that day. He said he booked over there and he saw his parents and he had to give a code word that he figured out. Howard had to ask Bobo to put the phone to his mouth. Bobo said it is. Howard said he's completely consumed that he can't remember to put the phone up to his mouth. Bobo said it's right there. Bobo said he made bad choices back then. Robin said the spear chucker thing just happened though.
Gary said he has to remind Howard of one other wacky thing Bobo did. He said Bobo showed up to the house of the owner of Slomin's shield when his alarm system wasn't working. He said it was like 10 at night. Bobo said it wasn't 10 at night. He said they had to come to his house like 50 times to fix that thing and he was fed up. Howard let Bobo go after that.
Robin read a story about Nora O'Donnell and Gayle King addressing the rumors that there's a rift between them. Robin had some audio of the two of them talking about that. Gayle said this never happens between men. Howard said that's not true. He said it goes on all the time so don't make this a man woman thing. He said it's a show business thing. He said get your shit straight. He played more of the clip and said he's just making a point that it's probably untrue that she pushed out Nora but it's not a ''woman thing.''
Howard said there's a bunch of back stabbing that goes on with men too. Howard said he was on America's Got Talent and behind his back scum bag Simon Cowell was writing some dude at Sony about how he wanted his job. He said he tried to push him out. Robin said he never said it was just men that it happens to. Howard said people bully people in show business.
Robin read a story about The Zombies going out touring with Brian Wilson. Robin said they're having a resurgence after they were inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Robin had Howard play some of their music.
Howard took a call from fake Simon Cowell who said he has a book coming out called ''Simon Cowell Comes Again... In Your Wife.'' Howard spent a little time talking to fake Simon about that book and others he has in the works. Simon called him a cat hoarder and hairy nips. Howard told him to go bra shopping and hung up on him.
Robin read a story about a Led Zeppelin documentary going to the Cannes film festival. Robin had Howard play some of their music. Howard sang along with it and tried to hit the high note in ''Immigrant Song.'' Howard asked Fred to squeeze his nuts while he did that.
Robin read a story about Melania Trump's ''Be Best'' campaign which is celebrating its first anniversary. Robin had some audio of Melania making a speech about her campaign. Howard said the fact that she was born in another country and can speak English that well is amazing. Robin said she just likes to hear accents. She said she enjoys listening to her. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from fake Melania who sounded like she was doing an Asian accent today. They spent a short time with her before Howard let her go. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Miss USA pageant happening. Robin said that all of the pageants have black winners. Howard said thank god. He said he had to suffer through white women all these years. He said he hates when white women win. Robin said Miss South Carolina won and she's a knock out. Robin said they say she's a lawyer too. Robin had some audio from the Miss USA pageant for Howard to play. She had some clips of contestants answering questions.
Howard said he has Kate Smith on the phone to sing a song about the black women winning the pageants. Chris Wilding did his Kate Smith singing impression for a short time before Howard hung up on him. Robin had more clips from the Miss USA pageant to play. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about how a million people have signed up to learn a fictional language created for Game of Thrones. Howard said ''Assholes.'' He said ship them off the planet. Robin said it's the language Valerian. Howard said learn a real language. Robin said it's like learning Klingon. Robin said they created it from Scratch. Robin said you can learn it on DuoLingo online. Robin said over a million people have signed up to learn it.
Robin read a story about Denver and the magic mushrooms debate. Robin said they had a vote and 48 percent were in favor of the measure. Robin said this would have decriminalized magic mushrooms.
Howard asked how you say you're a fucking loser in Valerian. He took a call from the guys in the back who had Robin saying some words in Klingon.
Robin read a story about two kids who were arrested after the Denver shootings. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read a story about the royal baby and how they haven't announced a name yet.
Robin read a story about how there are abortion fights going to court ever since Judge Kavanaugh took his spot in the supreme court. Robin said there are people trying to test Roe Vs. Wade. Robin read some stories about some of the laws that they're passing to get this go to go the supreme court. Howard said just worry about the people who are already on the planet.
Robin read about how cans of Pam cooking spray are exploding and causing fire balls. Robin said that the owner and creator of Pam is being hit with some suits over that. Robin said they're being asked to pull it from the shelves. Robin said they say don't leave it near open flames. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Today's show was over around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around 11:15am.