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Howard started the show talking about how they're back from vacation. He did some ''Hey now!'' things and asked if Robin isn't into it. Robin said she's really not. Howard said he's going to do it for about a minute. He did it for a few more seconds. He said that's the greatest comedy line of all time. He said he loves that on the Larry Sanders show. He said it was a fake talk show with the fake ''Hey now!'' He said they had an entire episode where they tried to get Hank to stop saying that. He did an impression of Hank doing that on the show.
Howard said that's enough of that. He said the guy who does that ''Hey now!'' is such a good actor but they got him on some #MeToo thing. Robin said he was on that show ''Transparent'' and he did something that got him fired and the show went away. Robin said he is back on Arrested Development though. Howard said Kevin Spacey got canned and didn't get to keep his job. Robin said the guy who got fired from Guardians of the Galaxy movies got rehired. Robin said that was James Gunn. Robin said he had just said some things and didn't touch someone. He had written some things in his past.
Howard said he was in Florida for the week. He said god bless Florida. He said he loves the weather down there. He said it was 82 degrees down there. He said they only have winter and summer there in New York. He said New York has become total bullshit. He said they don't have a spring. He said he took a walk to a friend's apartment yesterday. He said he called Robin and she wasn't around. He said they kept missing each other. Robin said she called him right back. Howard said he calls her and then he went somewhere and he missed her call back. Robin said she picked up the phone right as he was hanging up. Robin said she was in the can and heard the phone ringing. Howard said he called and she called and they missed each other.
Howard said it was cold and damp yesterday on his walk. He said it was just miserable. He said he called Fred and he wasn't around. He said just kidding. He said he and Fred don't talk. He said that's what guys do. He said they don't need to talk. He said he feels as close to Fred as he can. He said he doesn't feel like he needs to call him and Fred doesn't need to call him. He said he knows everything is fine. Fred said there are things they want to keep private. Robin said she's not saying they have to do that. Fred said it would just go badly.
Howard said he loves 80 degrees. He said he walks all around Florida. He said it's so great. He said then you go for a swim. He said it's just beautiful. He said it's a great place to live. He said it's only a 2.5 hour flight down there. He said it's doable.
Robin said Gary was down there. Howard said he didn't know that. He said Gary did tell him that after. He said he was like ''Okay.'' He said Gary was in Pompano Beach. Robin said he was visiting his friend Frank. Howard said that's the birthplace of Dengue fever or something.
Howard said he was on vacation for the week and it feels weird. He said he has the book coming out and he didn't do much on vacation. He said now he has something just about every day coming up. He said he did the cover of Rolling Stone and the Hollywood Reporter. He said it was painful doing the photo shoots. He said all of the reporters were fine. He said he enjoyed doing the interviews. He said that he went to do the photographs and they were great and quick but he said he asked the editor to email him the pictures so he can look at them. He said he wanted to tell them which ones he looks good in. He said they said they don't do that anymore. He said that's what the publicist told him. He said if he doesn't like the picture he's not going to tell anyone about the article. He said it's in their own interest to let him see them.
Howard said everyone is so uptight about showing him the pictures. He said they must had some bad experiences with famous people. He said he just wanted to tell them his favorites. Robin said you'd think they'd want to be more willing to help with that since they can't sell magazines.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would turn in his gun if he had to turn it into the government. Robin said sure. Howard said he thinks guns are necessary. He said if the government makes you turn them in it's like living in Russia. He said guns are a real deterrent to really crazy people who want to take over the country. He said a cop can't be at your house all the time and you may have to defend yourself. He said it would be a big problem for him to do that. Robin said she would just say she doesn't have it. Howard said they know when you have a gun if it's licensed. Robin said regulating guns makes it so only criminals will have guns. Howard said if you live in a rural area you're on your own. He said that's what he's thinking about. He said he'd have a real problem with that. The caller said he agrees with that.
The caller asked if he thinks Lloyd Braun would turn in his gun. Howard asked how he knows him. The caller said he's a friend of his. Howard said Lloyd is a master and he could take on two guys with guns with his foot and beat them. He said the guy is a superman. He said Lloyd carries a cross bow. He said he put an arrow right in someone's eye. The caller told Howard to keep up the good work. He said the show is the best it's ever been.
Howard said Lloyd Braun is a guy who was his lawyer for the film ''Private Parts. He said Lloyd represented him. He said his agent told him he ended this guy. He said that's how they brought him in. He said he's not sure but then Lloyd ran ABC. He said he hired Jimmy Kimmel and put on the show Lost. He said then Lloyd got lost. He said then Lloyd ran Google for a while. He said he has some company that does digital stuff. He said he's helping with the app with SiriusXM too. He said he still works with the guy.
Howard said he will call into Bubba's show at some point. He said that Mariann called into the Covino and Rich show there on SiriusXM. She was promoting his book on that show too.
Howard said Mariann called WFAN and got on the Boomer and whoever show. Howard played that clip and she got in a plug for the book. The guys thought it was funny that she called herself Annemarie from Queens. Howard said they gave her the quick heave ho. Robin said they knew who she was though.
Howard said Mariann called into the Joe Piscopo show and he got rid of her as soon as he figured out who she was. Howard played that clip and Joe picked up on Annemarie from Queens and he hung right up on her when she mentioned Howard's book. Robin asked what happened to Joe. She said he knows who that is. Joe acted like he didn't know.
Howard said the guys called into some shows to promote the book. He said Sal called in as him to an internet radio show. In that one Richard called in saying he works for Howard Stern and he has him there. Sal did the Howard impression and the guys on the other show said they recognized his voice. Sal got in a plug for the book and had clips of OJ Simpson helping promote the book.
Howard said Richard said it's some radio show that discusses politics in Kansas. Howard asked who needs a press tour when he has Sal. Robin said they recognized his voice when he said he was Howard. Howard did his impression of Sal doing his voice.
Howard had Mariann on the phone and thanked her for doing the promotion. Mariann was giving plugs to Beth for stuff she's doing and she asked Howard a question but he didn't care and didn't answer. Howard said thanks for that. Mariann asked if he's doing The View. Howard said the publicist told him he should do it. Howard said he has dates for other shows to give but he doesn't have his phone. Howard had to hang up on Mariann.
Howard said what he did was say he'd do The View if it's one of the days he's free. He said that he's doing that and a bunch of other things. He said he did pare it down but he's still doing a lot of press. He said then he'll go into seclusion again. He said right up until the end of June he's doing promotion.
Howard said even his psychiatrist thought it was a great thing he was going to go. He said he doesn't want to go anywhere. Robin said she sent Jimmy a note congratulating him on getting him to go. Howard said he was getting excited about going too. He said he was looking forward to going to see some museums and stuff. He said he was going to do paintings out there. He said then he got scared. He said he's doing all of this book promotion and then he'd have to fly for 9 1/2 hours. Robin said just take a pill and go. Howard said Beth was getting annoyed thinking about how it was going to go out there. He said he would start nagging her and all of that. He said then Jimmy called and said he figured something out. He said he told him to stay on New York time out there. He said that was sounding horrible. He said he doesn't eat at 9 o'clock. He said that's when they wanted to eat.
Howard said he was trying to call Jimmy yesterday. He said he wasn't answering. He said it turns out he was coming back from Mexico with his kids. He said that he has the young kids now so he figured he'd be exhausted. He said he finally got him and Jimmy sounded like he was great. He said he asked how miserable it was and Jimmy said it was great. He said he's Mr. World Traveler.
Howard said he told Jimmy he can't do the trip and promote the book. He said he bit off more than he can chew. He said that he told him to come to New York and just hang instead. He said Jimmy didn't agree to do that. He said Jimmy thought it would be fun to see him in Italy. He said he doesn't want to be his fun though. He said they're agreeing to go but they're delaying it a year. He said next summer they're going to Italy. He said it's going to take him a year to recover from the book promotion. He said he's doing what's best for him. He said he feels defeated though.
Howard said this is Beth's fault. He said she realized it would be a nightmare going with him. He said she knows him. He said he's happy being home. He said he wouldn't appreciate it anyway. He said Beth is predicting that he's going to be a nightmare at dinner already.
Howard said he had dinner at 4 yesterday. He said he had vegetarian Chinese. He said it was good. He's not even sure what was in the fake chicken. He said he's done eating chicken. He said they have guests today so he should take a break. He said that Seth Rogen is coming in with Charlize Theron. Robin asked if Seth wrote the movie they're in. Howard said he's not sure. He said Seth gets Charlize in this movie. He said it's every nerd guy to get the hot chick. Robin said she's crazy about him too. Howard said he looked okay when he was like 12. Then puberty wrecked him. He said he never grew out of the awkward stage. He said this movie is total fantasy. He said there were super hot chicks in his school but he never had a shot. Howard said he thought the chicks would fall in love with him if they talked to him. He said he doesn't have a great personality. He said he pulls it together on the radio show. He said in real life he has a horrible personality.
Howard said in the movie Charlize falls in love with Seth. He said the movie appeals to dudes like him. Robin said it's like Shallow Hal when Hal saw this big girl and saw this beauty. Howard said Beth was watching and saying there was no way this could happen in this movie. He said he was watching and thinking it was good. He said Seth co-produced it but didn't write it. He said he gets to make out and have love scenes with Charlize. He said he would have done that movie in a flash.
Howard wondered if she was grossed out kissing Seth. He said he can't wait to see them. He said Seth is always high and Charlize is hot. He said he can't wait to see them.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks this trip would be fabulous for him and he should reconsider. Howard said he knows. The caller said that it can happen if he takes it just one day at a time. Howard said he is a miserable guy and there's something wrong with him. He said he's incapable of having fun. He said everyone in his life knows it. He said they realize that he will only ruin this trip. He said Beth will be in there with him and she's stuck with him. He said she knows he's going to be miserable. He said he does love her though. He said he took a bunch of pictures of her in a bikini reading his book. Robin said Mariann mentioned that. Howard said Beth looks good. He said some guy wrote that she was so photo shopped. He said he took it with his phone and didn't Photoshop it at all. He said they're fucking assholes. He said she wasn't Photoshopped at all. Robin said you can see her on Rachel Ray today.
The caller wished Howard all the best with is wife and told him to enjoy. Howard said he has to take a break and stay on schedule today. He said he sees the phones are lit up so he'll get to them. He said he has more to talk about after the break. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he should take some calls and get into more of something. Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves when Howard talks music. Howard said he's passionate about it. Robin laughed. She said he's not passionate. Howard said he's not wrong. He said he slogged through the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. He said the opening with Stevie Nicks was great. He said they honored her and he loves that woman. He said in her prime she was hot. Robin agreed with him on that. Howard said Robin knows even though she doesn't know hot. He said a lot of guys fucked her he believes. He said she may have been in love with Joe Walsh at one time. Gary gave Howard a list of guys she's linked with. Howard said that's the same list of dudes he had sex with. He said he thinks Tom Petty was on that list too.
Howard said Stevie came out and did a bunch of songs and she is just great. He played some of her doing ''Stand Back'' and said she's great. Howard said Waddy Wachtel plays guitar for her. Fred said he's linked to her romantically too. Howard said he loves that woman. He said he was thinking this was some Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. He said if you go to those events you'd want to hang yourself. He said he went right back to his room after inducting Bon Jovi. He said it's like 4-5 hours of taping. He said he went first and they made it look like it was last. He said he had to get it over with. He said he loves to get to sleep early. He said Saturday he was up until midnight. He said he had a great time at this birthday party but he was miserable staying up so late. He said he was having a good time until the waiter poured water on his pants. He said he felt like he was sitting in a wet diaper the whole night. He said he had to go home and shower because he had diaper rash.
Howard said this birthday party was really nice. He said he's not sure if he's allowed to talk about it though. He said he doesn't get invited to a lot of things. He said he ran into Dave Chappelle and it was beautiful. He said Dave told him that he didn't do anything to piss him off. He said Dave told him that if anything he's the only guy who put him on when he needed it. He said that he told Dave that he just wanted to know if they're cool and they are. He said that was great to hear. Howard said Dave doesn't get up early. He said he doesn't pressure people lot do the show. Robin said she would like to see him.
Howard said there's nothing wrong there. He said he saw some of their other friends there too. He said he'll talk to Robin about that off the air.
Howard said that Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is something. He said they have some of the bands show up and the guys you want to see don't show up. He said it's absurd to have Dire Straits there and not have Mark Knopfler there.
Howard said Stevie Nicks was great. He said Janet Jackson didn't perform. Robin said she can't because they have to do so much to make her sound good. Howard asked if she's saying she can't perform. Robin said she's a figment of his imagination.
Howard said he didn't care about The Cure but the Zombies were good. He said he enjoyed that. He said he fast forwarded through The Cure. He said the Zombies look like actual Zombies now. He said Def Leppard was the best of course. He said it was great seeing them. He said it was a good show but just fast forward through some of it.
Howard said they had Roxy Music there too. He said he doesn't get that. He said if they had kept out The Cure and Brian Ferry it would have been perfect. Howard said there are 13 members of the Zombies. He said it looked like the Walking Dead up there. He said they're still thin and you see them up there and go Wow.
Gary said he got a text from Beth and she says it's okay to talk about that party. Howard said he has nothing but glowing complements. He said that Jerry Seinfeld turned 65. He said they had a party for him. He said it was beautiful. He said he never has a good time but he did at this. He said it was like a who's who. He said that it made him jealous of the friends he has. He said he saw Chris Rock, Steve Martin, Martin Short, Julie Louis Dreyfus and more. He said she was hysterical. He said this would have been a hell of a TV show for HBO. He said George Wallace was like the master of ceremonies. He said Chappelle, Letterman and others were there. He said Letterman was miserable. He said they both sat there talking about how miserable they were. He said Bill Maher was there. He said he spoke to Bill and that was great. He said he's going to come in there and he's going to go on his show too. He said they had been talking on the phone here and there. He said he told Bill he was a fucking asshole and they made up. He said you just get too old for bullshit so they made up. He said he loves Bill's show. He said he told him that. He said Bill sent regards to Robin too.
Howard said he sat with Bradley Cooper and his wife Irina. He said that he didn't want to be in pictures with them because he looks like a monster. He said he got he water spilled on his pants and they took pictures of that. He said he saw Ted Sarandos and Andy Cohen there. He said Andy didn't come over to talk to him. He said Steve Martin is the funniest mother fucker. He said that so is Martin Short. He said they were just standing there talking to him and it felt like he was watching a show. He said they're funny no matter what they do.
Howard said Letterman was next to Brian Williams. He said he was out. He said he said hello to him. He said Amy Schumer was there and pregnant. He said she's still throwing up even after being pregnant all this time. He said she looked really good. He said there were a ton of people there. He said they had really good food.
Howard said Jerry's wife is really funny. He said she got up and said some stuff and she was getting big laughs. He said she's terrific. He said that Jerry got up at the end and had 3 black women up there as his backup singers. He said he put on this glittering gold Jacket and sang to his wife to thank her for the party. He said he did choreography for the song. He said it was crazy.
Howard said Brian Williams told him this story about being in the war. He said he saw Seth Meyers there. He said it was a very good party. He said Jerry has people who like him and enjoy him. He said Bill Maher told a story about Jerry going on his show. He said Colin Quinn was the funniest. He said he did a tribute to Jerry and kind of roasted him. Howard said it was just phenomenally funny.
Howard said he was gracious about the water being poured on him. He said Beth got it on her but she didn't say anything. He said he went to another table and got another chair. He said he didn't blow up at the guy. He said they brought him plastic to sit on and that felt even wetter. He said his underpants absorbed all of the water. He said the party was great though. He said Jerry had his kids there. He said they're still young kids. He said here were some funny stories about Jerry. He said the kids were listening to them. He said Bill Maher told a story about getting his first shot on Johnny Carson and Jerry went with him to the show for support. He said Bill knew that the stakes were high going on that show. He said Bill was freaking out and he wore pants that were too tight. He said he asked Jerry what to do with his dick and Jerry turned to him and said I'd go out looking for someone to suck it after the show. He said that loosened Bill up for the show.
Howard said he was honored to be invited to the party. He said he never gets invited to anything good. Robin said he would if he just loosens up a bit. Howard said he was talking to people and it was hard for him to project his voice. He said he talked to Bradley Cooper for a long time. He said he's very handsome and so is his wife.
Howard said Irina is so hot that women came up to him and said that they need her even though they're not lesbian.
Howard said that George Stephanopoulos and Ali Wentworth were there too. He said they gave Ali a ride home. He said George has to get up early in the morning so they gave her a ride home. He said he's sure she could have gotten an Uber or something but they gave her a ride.
Howard said he and his wife had a great vacation together. He said he wasn't a big pain in the ass. Robin said they were at home. Howard said that's right.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's in France right now and she wants him to go to Italy. Howard said he will go but he's backed up right now. The caller said that's good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was calling from Spain. Howard asked how people are listening. Robin said they can do it online. Howard asked if the rain in Spain really stays mainly on the plain? Howard said these people sound better calling in from France and Spain than King of All Blacks does from Jersey. The caller said he called back home via the internet and that can be kind of sketchy. Howard said he wants to go to these countries in a way but it won't go well for him. Robin said it's Howard, not the country. Howard said he knows that.
The caller said he has a guess about what he's going to reveal in the book. He said he thinks it's that he dyes his hair. Howard said he would tell him if he's right but he doesn't dye his hair. He said it's getting kind of grey actually. He said that's not the secret.
The caller said the shows are great when they come back from vacation. Howard said that's why he's told Sirius that they should have more.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she got her boyfriend to listen to the show after a Seinfeld interview. She said that he was hooked after that. Howard thanked her for the call. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said music gets him too emotional. Robin asked why he can't listen to classical music. Howard said this gets to him and classical doesn't. Howard said he's not going to get caught up in this. He said he was listening to a song over vacation and he started to cry. He said that it was the song ''Chasing Cars'' by The Wind and the Wave. He said he started to cry over it. He said he was thinking about past relationships where he was an asshole. He said he starts thinking about his past life. He said he's not even sure what she's singing about in the song. He said it's a Snow Patrol song that she remade. He said he's not even sure why he was upset. He said he knows he'd end up jumping out a window if he was high on weed or something.
Howard said he started thinking about a woman he went out with and things didn't work out for a certain reason. He said the timing was all wrong. He said she deserved better than him. He said they were in love. He said he was at least. He said she was too. Howard said enough of this song. He said it's getting him upset. He said it ended okay. He said he's not sure what this woman is singing about. Robin asked why he's upset. She said he did the best he could. Howard said she's scolding him for having a feeling. He said she's trying to straighten him out. He said this is just where his head goes. He said it was a beautiful relationship. He said they were simpatico. Robin said he has to stop looking back. Howard said he just does though.
Howard said music can really screw with your head. Robin said anything can screw with Howard's head. Howard said music today is so bad it can't mess with kid's heads. He said they're lucky they don't have good music. He said he has to get in with the kids today. He said they know what they're talking about. Howard said he has to stop thinking about what he was just thinking about.
Fake Ivanka came in and Howard asked her about her trip to Africa. Ivanka told Howard how she had bloody caca down there. She said her ass meat fell out because of that. Howard asked where she went. Ivanka said it was the part that smelled like shit. Fake Ivanka said that she spent her time with real black people down there. She said it was the people who speak in clicks.
Fake Ivanka told Howard about going down there and rode an elephant. She had a clip of her talking about that while she was on the elephant and getting off on it. She had Eric shoot it after she was done.
Fake Ivanka told Howard about visiting orphanages in Africa. Ivanka said they have distended bellies down there. She said they must not be starving. Howard asked how her conference went down there. Ivanka said she saw many Michelle Obamas down there. Howard said that's a very racist statement. Ivanka said it was like the black Twilight Zone.
Howard asked if she didn't like Africa. Ivanka said she loves Africa. She told Howard she made sure to become fluent in African. She demonstrated how you speak African. She made some clicks and a whoop sound. She had some other statements she made with clicks.
Ivanka told Howard she has a new charity for getting women boob jobs down there so they don't have flap jack tits and cross eyed nips. Ivanka said she has to get going a short time later. Howard said she knows when to call it quits. Howard said that was quite an appearance. He said she has a sexy voice. Howard said they have to take a break.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said the JD Week stuff was great last week. He said something about a segment he liked. Howard said he had the same feeling as Bobo. He said they were putting out a lot of clips of JD last week and he was retweeteing them. He said he loved some of those clips. He said JD was given the power to keep or get rid of Ronnie's radio show. He said JD canceled it. He said that was his good friend Ronnie. He said you must go watch JD Week on the app. He said to watch the visual of Robin beating JD in an arm wrestling match is so great. He said JD was so defeated that he threw his arms in the air. JD said his arm was tired.
Howard asked JD how he felt about all of that. JD said he had all of those feelings. Howard said he gave Ronnie and Wayne Siegel their own show about cars. Howard said the Fred JD puppet was on JD week too. He said JD came in and said that it was the ''most boringest show'' and he goofed on him about that. He said JD went to Full Sail University. He said that's where he learned to speak like that. Howard said JD swimming and all of that was so good. He said he was afraid to cancel Ronnie's radio show. He said that JD just did it. Howard said get the app and watch all of that. He said just enjoy JD week. Bobo said the puppets that he and Fred do are so masterful. Howard said they're getting more. He thanked Bobo and took another call.
Howard took a call from a guy (Sour Shoes) doing an Artie impression asking about the party he went to. Howard asked if that was Sour Shoes. Robin said she's not sure if that was Sour. Howard said it was a good impression of Artie. Robin said she figured it out after a moment.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it would be better for Robert Kraft to just show that video. Howard said there are people suing about not letting that video out. He said there are people who went there for legitimate massages and they might be on those tapes. He said that they don't want the tapes getting out. Howard said they went for real massages.
Howard said Gary wanted to go to get a massage for his knees but he didn't go because of this. He said that Bob Kraft might have a case there. Robin said you can't set up wire taps without a judge's consent. Howard asked what could be on that tape. Robin said they say he went to completion. Howard said the woman who did it was a middle aged woman and she looks like she has that thousand yard stare you get from PTSD. Howard said she does look like she's in shock. Howard said imagine if they saw the tape and Bob shoots right into her face.
Howard said Bob could be jerked off by the hottest chicks in Vegas in his own room. Robin said this is just relief. She said he didn't have time.
Howard said he won't even let his wife see his dick when she's giving him a hand job. Robin said Bob is still claiming he didn't do anything wrong. Howard said this might be the first celebrity sex tape that people don't want to see. He said he's not sure why they're fighting so hard to release it. Robin said it might be a vindictive thing. Howard said he found out what it is. He said in Florida they have a law that says you have to release all of the evidence. He said this is part of that. Howard said they have to take a break. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he has Seth Rogen and Charlize Theron there. He said they're in a movie called Long Shot and it's opening on Friday. Charlize and Seth came in and Howard said it's so romantic. Howard said her hair is now dark. He said he didn't notice Seth there after seeing Charlize. Seth said he gets it. Howard asked if they think this is the story of Mel Brooks and his wife. He said he things after watching it it's like his story as a kid. He said he had this fantasy that if one of these women got to know him that they could fall in love with him. He said the truth is he had a shitty personality. Charlize said she thinks he's selling himself short. Howard said lets see you make love to him and then see. Charlize said that's a lot of pressure.
Howard said the last time he saw Charlize she had just gone on some romantic date. He said she didn't say who it was but the guy took her hiking. Howard said he had to be good looking. Charlize said Howard said he was a good looking guy. She never said that.
Howard said Bradley cooper and his wife were sitting next to him at a party over the weekend. Seth said sometimes they match up. He said that it's out there. Howard asked how Charlize prepared to have love scenes with Seth. Charlize said oh my god. Charlize said she didn't have to actually fuck him. Howard said that you do have to love the person you're with. He said you have to put yourself in that frame of mind. Charlize said no you don't. She said that people are under the impression that you have to have chemistry. She said this isn't how it works. Charlize said she has had chemistry with full blown assholes that she didn't like.
Howard asked how it is if the guy is a full blown asshole. Charlize said it's a job and you get through it. Howard said it seems like it would be hard to pull it off. He said you have to make it work. Charlize said she didn't have to do full blown love scenes. She said she actually did with one. Howard asked what you do. Charlize said you close your eyes and visualize a happy place. Howard asked who that person was. Seth laughed and said he'd love to know. Howard said it wasn't Tom Hanks. Charlize said it wasn't Tom. She said she didn't have to do anything like that with Tom.
Howard said she has said that she was almost a victim of the casting couch. Charlize said it was her first audition ever. She said she had just turned 19 and she had never been on an audition. She said she went to this guy's house on a Saturday night. Howard said you'd think someone would have thought something was up. Charlize said the guy was a very big deal and he's still a big deal. Howard asked what happened. Charlize said she knocked on the door and the guy opened it up and he was in his pajamas and bare foot. Howard asked why guys think that's a turn on. Seth said it's embarrassing when any guy thinks he's good looking. He said it's not tempting at all. Howard said it can't be a good look on any level.
Charlize said women don't want to see you pull out your dick. She asked Robin. Howard said Robin likes to see him pull out his dick. He said he actually has nothing to pull out.
Howard asked Charlize about the guy answering the door and if she said anything to the guy. Charlize said she should have. She said he felt good about himself and there was some kind of Muzak playing in the house. She said they sat down and he sat very close to her. She said she kept asking what he wanted her to do with the script. He just wanted her to talk. He said he put his hand on her knee and she just went blank. She said she left and she's not even sure how she got out. She said she was driving her Ford Fiesta that she was renting and she was so angry with herself for not saying anything like telling him to go fuck himself.
Howard said if you're a decent human being you feel like you should be polite. He said you want to say something. Seth said you can get murdered by being too polite. He said you don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Howard said you're being abused by this guy and he would suggest with men and women that you do something. Charlize said that guy offered her a job and she went purely to have her moment and she told him they had met before. She said his producing partner was embarrassed when he heard the story.
Howard said now she's famous and this guy doesn't remember her. She said that she got to go down the list of things that happened and he said he didn't remember.
Howard said Charlize has dark hair now but she was blonde in this movie. Howard said she got shit for changing her hair color at some point. Charlize said she doesn't remember that. She said she changed it for a role. Howard said they're doing cartoons now too. He asked Seth what he's doing. Seth said he's Pumba in the new Lion King. Howard said that's the greatest gig. He said you get to go in and don't have to get made up. Howard asked who Charlize is playing. She said she's playing Morticia in the Addams Family. Howard asked if that's going to be good. Charlize said she thinks it's going to be great. She said Oscar Isaac will be Gomez.
Howard said that Seth cums on his own beard in the movie. He said that it's so grotesque. Seth said they shot that in a hotel room on his laptop. He said he was alone in a hotel room pretending to jizz on his own face. He said he just did it and wiped it off and watched himself doing it. Howard asked if he has ever done that in real life. Seth said he has. Charlize said she didn't know that. Howard asked if it got caught in his beard. Seth said it happened between that shoot and now. Charlize said this is a game changer. Seth said he's sorry. Howard said guys are gross. He said steer clear. Seth said sometimes you just want to see how far it goes. Howard said his doesn't go that far. Seth said he has to build it up. Charlize said she's impressed.
Howard said he's giving up trying to be cool around Charlize. Charlize said her's lands on her knee. Howard said he has masturbated for many years. He said he always has internet porn and he has tissues. He said he cums into them and then he's disgusted. He said he wants to kill himself. He said he just flushes them away and pretends nothing happened. Howard asked if he didn't have tissues in that scene. Seth said he laid them out but then he got ahead of himself. Howard asked how it happened in real life. Charlize said she should have asked so many more questions about that. Seth said you create a wall between that stuff. He said it's like going over the wall in Game of Thrones.
Howard asked where Charlize stands with pot. He said Seth started a pot company. Seth said he has. Seth said he thinks that it would be good for Charlize. Charlize said in her 20s she was a wake and baker and then something happened. She said she just wanted to eat and lie there. She said she got to be anti-social. She said she used to be productive on it like Seth is.
Howard said he had to stop smoking because he got into his own head and had a bad experience. He said he would not make money on him. Seth said some people smoke the wrong type of weed. He said a lot of people only need one hit. He said they made some educational videos to teach people how to do it. He said some people take a bunch of hit sand they have a bad experience because they smoked too much. He said it's not like a cigarette. He said just have one hit and see how it works for you after 15 minutes.
Howard said he was with Mary McCormack and her friends and Mary wasn't smoking but her friends were. He said he took 3 hits and he turned to Mary and said he's in big trouble. He said Mary told him to suck it up and he went right to his room.
Howard asked how long they shot this movie. Seth said it was 3-4 months. Howard asked if Seth was telling Charlize that she should smoke. Charlize said he doesn't do that. She said she was the one asking questions. She said she's impressed with how he handles it. She said he would take a hit and come right back and write brilliant stuff. She said he's on this level of creativity that's off the charts. Howard said he's like Michael Jordan at his best. Charlize said he's always enjoying life and he is constantly liked. She said that he's in a good place. She said she's envious of that. Howard said he is too.
Howard asked if Seth is self medicating. Seth said he is. He said that we need certain things to make our lives better. He said that we wear shoes and coats and things like that. He said we don't function properly. He said that's what weed is to him. He said it's like shoes and glasses. He said it helps him get through the day. Howard said he doesn't even care when he cums on his own beard.
Howard asked Charlize if she ever smoked with Seth. She said she took a few hits here and there. She said that she didn't do scenes high though. She said she has a friend who is a producer on the movie and he has to take a hit. She said it can change people's lives. Charlize said Seth becomes very creative when he smokes and it never seems like he's high. Seth said Charlize is great and there are some people who drink and you can't work with them. He said that it's a much darker drug than weed. Charlize said that's something that gets worse.
Seth said he can take mushrooms and feel fine the next day. He said you drink 3 glasses of wine and you feel like shit. Howard said Seth ended up meeting Steven Spielberg and he was smoking a joint at the time. Seth said he was at a party with Jeffrey Katzenbeg and he was outside and he was smoking weed and Steven came up to him and he could just tell he did not like it. He said he wasn't sure if he should try to hide it or what. He said it was like his dad caught him. He said he just kept smoking it in front of Steven Spielberg. He said he runs into him and he always seems disappointed in him. Howard said he loves that so much.
Howard asked if Charlize has ever worked with him. She joked that she had done coke with him. She said that's just a joke. She said he's not judgmental with her at all. Howard said he'd be disappointed if Seth wasn't smoking.
Howard asked Charlize about some movies she did that didn't go over so well. Charlize said she wasn't too happy about how Aeon Flux came out. Seth said he saw that in the theater. He said there was a lady with hands for feet in that movie. Howard said Charlize won an Oscar and she has to think about doing movies like that. Charlize said she thought it had a lot of potential. She said that they had to figure out how to do it really creatively. She said she was excited about the movie but they never achieved what they thought they could.
Howard said you have to work and you have to pick some movie. He said it's not always in your control. He said anything can go wrong. He said you can't beat yourself up when something flops. Seth said that's why they both started producing movies. He said that makes it less painful.
Howard said he saw that series ''Mind Hunter'' and Charlize produced that. He said that show was so great. Charlize said the second season is coming out in August. Howard asked if you can make money producing. He said it's not a big flow of money. Charlize said if it's a big hit then there is a flow of money. Seth said with movies you can turn a profit. He said the TV hit shows are fewer and far between.
Howard asked if she was a producer on Atomic Blonde too. Charlize said she was. She said they developed that from an 8 page graphic novel. Howard said it grossed over 100 million and it cost 30 million to make. Howard asked if she's going to do more like that. Charlize said they're in the middle of preparing a sequel or prequel to that one.
Howard said they're both producers on this movie. Seth said they are. Howard said Seth pent 8 years trying to get it made. Howard asked why it was Charlize. Seth said he couldn't think of anyone else who would be good for this. Howard said there's no one hotter than Charlize. Charlize told him to stop it. She said this is ridiculous. Howard said she's the hottest. Robin asked who is hotter.
Howard said that Charlize plays a politician. Howard asked if she had to research that. Charlize said she read Madeline Albright's book and she read some chapters on Hillary from when she was Secretary of State. Charlize said they had to make it look real. Howard said it's a comedy but they have to get that right. Seth said you have to balance out the cum on your face with the politics. Howard said it had to be Charlize because she's the hottest chick on the planet. Seth said she is very smart and he believes she could be President.
Howard asked if Seth really beat off to Charlize. Charlize freaked out saying she can't do this. She said she's not going to do this. She said she is so in love with Seth's wife. Seth said he masturbates to himself and himself only. Howard said when he did his movie he fell in love with everyone on the movie. He said there were a couple of women he relieved himself to.
Howard said one could be quite enamored with Charlize. Charlize said she's sweating right now. Seth told her to just let it happen. Howard asked if Seth found himself seduced by her. Seth said not at all. Charlize said there was nothing like that at all. Seth said he's not pervy. Charlize agreed. Howard said he's not pervy either.
Seth said he tries to remove that kind of thing from the set. He said he's not looking for that. He said that if anything he needs a funny sex scene. Howard said he likes how Charlize asks him to choke her a little bit. Charlize said he was trying to teach her Hebrew to her during sex. Seth said he was teaching her some Yiddish.
Howard asked how they did their first kiss and if it was something they practiced. Seth said they didn't do anything in private. Charlize said you can't do things like that in private on a set now. She said they know what their job is and they don't have to do that. She said that it takes like 3 or 4 takes and you just get your job done. Howard asked if Seth got aroused at all. Seth said he did not. Howard asked if Charlize checked. Charlize said of course not. Howard said it could happen. Charlize said he's describing a work environment that does not exist. Seth said he's too nervous for that. Howard said he popped multiple boners on the set of his movie. Seth said he has to be shut off from the outside world completely to get a boner.
Howard said he had to tell Betty Thomas that he got a boner and she told him to knock it off. Charlize said she's impressed that he can get hard with all of that going on around him. Howard said he got one woman pregnant during a scene in the tub. Howard was joking of course. Robin said she was on set that day and Howard had to crawl out of the bathroom. Charlize said ''Wow!'' She said that would be very intimidating for her. Howard said in all of the movies Charlize has done no one has gotten a boner. Charlize said it has happened. She said that you have to joke about it. Howard said of course you do.
Charlize said they did a movie once where there was a lot of hard fucking and the actor wasn't getting hard and she was offended by that. Howard said she should be. She said that was a joke. Howard said they should give the guy a medal for not getting a boner. Charlize said he was very focused. Howard said that's something.
Howard said the new movie is called Long Shot. Seth said that's in reference to the jizz hitting his beard. Howard asked if the people are liking the movie. Seth said the test audiences are liking it. Howard said it's a little scary putting out a movie like this when the comic book movies are making so much money. Seth said they only need 10 percent of the people who see The Avengers to see their movie to make it a hit. He said that every year of the past decade says these movies don't do well but they have at least one do well every year.
Howard asked how they feel about Steven Spielberg saying that Netflix should not be allowed to get an Oscar. Seth said as someone who will never win an award he doesn't give a fuck.
Howard asked Charlize to name someone who is hotter than her. Charlize told him to stop it. Howard asked if she sent her panties to Frances McDormand. Charlize said they weren't her panties but she did send her some panties she had made. She said she had some things written on them by a company. Howard said they weren't her dirty panties then. Charlize said they were not.
Howard said it's so hot when she talks about her panties. Charlize said it was a nice cotton panty and it was a joke. Howard said it's funny that Seth has a weed company and Charlize is making panties. Charlize said it was just a funny thing that she did once for Frances. Charlize said she is very funny and she says things that should be said. Charlize said it was funny and not creepy. Howard asked what it could have said. Charlize said he should get her on the show and ask her about it. Howard said he does run into her once in a while.
Howard said he has to figure out the whole acting thing. He said he was asked to do a movie and he would have to learn an accent. Seth told him not to do that. He said that's not what people want to see.
Howard said Seth is preparing for a role, right? Seth said he's not right now. Howard said Charlize is going to be Megyn Kelly. Charlize said she shot that one already. She said it covers that year before Ailes was fired by FOX. Howard asked how she played her. Charlize said she played her like she thinks she should have. She said she thinks it was with respect. She said it was just a year of her working at FOX. Howard said that's interesting. He asked if it's scary playing it when the person is alive. Charlize said it is. She said Jay Roach is producing it and she felt like she was in the hands of a filmmaker that she trusts. Howard asked if she likes Megyn. Charlize said she's conflicted about her. She said that's what people are with her. She said she thinks people have issues with her. Howard asked who has issues with Charlize. Charlize said fuck those people but it's hard to play a person who people love.
Howard asked if they saw the pictures of Megyn in a bikini over the weekend. He said she's paddle boarding or something. He said it looks set up to him. Charlize asked if people do that. Seth and Howard both said they do. Seth said he saw someone coming out of the Chateau Marmont with the Paparazzi and they all got into the same car together when they were done. Howard said people do that. Charlize said she can't imagine that. Howard said it looked kind of set up to him but maybe they weren't posed.
Howard asked if Charlize ever saw the Orlando Bloom penis shot. Charlize said she saw the blurred picture but not the actual penis. Seth said his foreskin is so nice it's a fiveskin. Howard said he was so jealous. Gary said he's looking at it and it's cut. Seth said he takes it back then. Howard had Gary bring in the penis picture for Charlize to see. Charlize said that's a full on dick. She said she needs a moment to look. Charlize asked if the wind is giving him a chubby. Seth said he thinks the cold is making his balls tighten and it props his dick out a little bit. Charlize said it can't be much bigger than that. She said she can't stop staring at it.
Howard asked if she was dating a guy would she be able to do that. Charlize said she can't imagine having a guy behind her with his dick in her back. Charlize said his body is crazy.
Howard said if a guy does that she's not going to stay with the guy. Charlize said she would be totally cool with it if she wasn't famous. She said that's a giant fucking risk. Sent said he'd say it's a pretty good sized risk. Seth said he thinks the guy has a foreskin. Howard said he does not. Seth said he thinks he dos and it's just super tight. Howard said Charlize is right about him being chubbed up.
Howard said getting back to the academy awards... He asked if he's going to play Jimmy Rubin. Seth said that still might happen. Charlize said just remember them when he's up there. Seth said ''Disaster Artist'' was nominated for an Oscar. Howard didn't know that. Seth said it's hard to get a comedy nominated. Charlize said it's equally hard and difficult to do comedy. She said it's so much work to structure something to get a laugh. She said it's hard to tap into that even more so than a drama.
Howard asked Seth how he knew Charlize would be good in this. Seth said he just knew from seeing her on shows. He said that he knew she was funny. He said he wouldn't have made the movie without her. Howard said there is no one hotter than her.
Howard asked Charlize about going on the hike with that guy she talked about last time she was on the show. He said the guy took her hiking and that's a great move. Seth said he took his wife to take mini golf. He said that's instantly desexualizing. Howard said he would do that with Charlize. Charlize said she would be very into that. Seth said it's a good showcase for your personality. Seth said his wife loved it. He said it was a good date and he won.
Charlize said girls just want to feel like there's a real effort there. She said it can be the smallest thing. She said they're easy to impress. Howard said the guy is just not doing his moves.
Howard sake if Seth got into a car accident after that date. Seth said he actually did. Charlize said he's been in a lot of accidents. Seth said one time he got into one because a bee flew into the car. He said he freaked out and didn't take his foot off the gas. He said he hit a car and the car in front of him hit the next car and the next car it the one in front of that. He said he just didn't take his foot off the gas. Charlize was just about crying from that story.
Howard said how about having a driver. Charlize said that's douchy. Howard said he has a driver. He said he hates to drive and when he got to WNBC he got a limo. He said he drives once in a while but he likes to have someone drive him around.
Howard said he likes to be treated like a baby. Charlize said she was out to dinner last night and she had no idea where she was. She said she felt so bad about that. Howard said that's why you need a driver. Howard said Seth is a hazard on the road. Seth said the bee one was the only one that was his fault. He said the others were not. Charlize said they had something in the movie about hating bees. Seth said he hates them. Howard said he does too. He said sharks suck too. He said he hates them. Charlize said sharks are amazing. She said stop spreading the ignorant information. Seth hates sharks too. He said eat them before they eat you.
Howard asked Charlize what's going on with romance. He said every guy wants her and needs her. Charlize said that is just not true. She said Howard does not even know where he is right now. Howard asked if she's dating. Charlize said she is. She said she's not in love. Howard asked if she told Seth who she's dating. Seth said she didn't. Howard asked what is going on. He said she should have found the love of her life by now. Charlize said she wants to make a statement. She said she was raising two kids and they consume you. She said she has one nanny and it's not a ton of help. She said now the kids are doing their own thing. She said her time is opening up more now. Charlize said that she has more time and she's able to date now. Howard asked who Seth would set her up with. Seth said he has no fucking idea. He said he doesn't know anyone. He said that he doesn't think she's the problem in any relationship. Howard said he's not sure who he'd set her up with either. He asked who is good enough for her. Charlize said that's not the way to think.
Howard said he'd set her up with Bradley Cooper but he's with Irina. Charlize said they can't throw names out there like that. Howard asked if she's attracted to Bradley. Charlize said she's not going to answer that. Seth said he is. Howard asked if Charlize could fall in love with someone who isn't that good looking. Charlize said she didn't get attention from the jocks in school. She said she went out with art students and she felt most comfortable with them. She said she liked the introverted and odd guys. Seth said how about the Jews. Charlize said she's dated Jews.
Howard asked if she speaks the South African language. Charlize said she didn't speak English until she was like 19. Howard asked if she spoke with clicks. Charlize said that's so wrong. She said she doesn't speak that. She said Trevor Noah does. She said he speaks it fluently. Howard said he didn't know that. Charlize spoke a little bit in Afrikaans for Howard. Howard asked if she has ever spoken that to talk about people behind their backs. Charlize said she and her mother did and they got caught.
Howard asked if they saw the show ''The Act.'' Charlize said she didn't but she knew the story. She said the documentary is insane. Seth said he knows what it's about and he knows the story so it makes him laugh when he sees the pictures. Charlize said the documentary is so fucked up. She said the fact that moms can do that is so mind boggling. She said that of course the girl ends up killing the fucking mom. Howard said of course. Robin said she was victimized and then she became a victim to the system because she fought back. Howard said it's a mind blowing story.
Howard asked if Charlize knew that Seth was a karate master. Charlize said she did. Seth said he did it throughout high school. He said he could surprise someone. Howard said he has said that the karate school was kike Cobra Kai. He said they fought dirty. Seth said they did and they were dishonored from every other dojo so they were taught hair pulling and eye gouging and all of that. Howard said Mr. Miagi was an asshole. Charlize asked if he did karate when he had dreadlocks. Seth said there may have been some crossover. He said there were things he did that kept him from getting laid. He said he was like 18 when he finally got laid. Howard said he's heard he's good at it now.
Howard said Seth got thrown out of a tournament for hitting a guy in the throat. Seth said he punched the guy directly in the throat and he won that fight. He said he got kicked out. He said he didn't know they weren't allowed to do that. He said he just unloaded on the guy's throat and he dropped to the ground like a ton of bricks. He said he thought he had won.
Howard said they should sum up. He went over what they leaned. He said they made a movie and it's very good. Howard gave them some plugs for the new movie and asked if they want to say ''fuck the Avengers.'' Seth said not at all. Charlize said that people a really like this movie in the preview and they're very proud of it. Seth said he'd never come on the show to promote a bad movie because he wouldn't want to lie to Howard.
Howard asked how Seth's eating habits are. Charlize said he's a great eater. Howard said he should take care of himself. Seth said he is. Charlize said that they're doing all of this promotion and they go out together like they're on prom. Howard asked what Charlize ate when she did that movie where she gained 50 pounds. Charlize said it was a lot of stuff. She said she isn't a big sugar eater but she ate a lot. She said she went crazy eating so much. Howard asked if she got stretch marks from gaining so much. Charlize said not ate all. Seth said he has some. He said he buys shit for pregnant women that he rubs on himself.
Howard talked about how beautiful Charlize is again and she thanked him for that. Robin said she really is and she's respected too. Howard said to be a leading lady you have to have that look. He said that you're either blessed with it or not. He asked Seth if he's right. Seth said he doesn't know. Howard said Jennifer Lawrence has a great look on screen. Howard asked who is hotter, Scarlet Johansson or Charlize. Seth said he can't get into this. Charlize said she feels like she's too big in the shoulders compared to Scarlet. Howard said Margot Robbie is up there with Charlize. Charlize said she's in the Roger Ailes movie with her. Howard said Charlize lights up the screen. Charlize said he's going to take this. Howard said he doesn't tell anyone this. Howard said she's hotter than Julia Roberts. Charlize said she's not going to say that. Robin said she's beautiful in her commercials. Howard asked if she was uptight being naked in her commercial. Charlize said she wasn't raised that way. She said it's healthy to be that way.
Charlize brought up the Orlando Bloom picture again and wondered if he would have done that if he was small. Seth said there's no fucking way he would. He said he would have had 3 bathing suits on. Howard asked if Charlize would giggle at a guy if he had 2 inches. Charlize said that she was with one man who was very small. She said he succeeded in other places. She said she needed a little bit more. She said it's because of the size of her shoulders. He said it was all about her proportions. Seth said that guy just needed a woman with a smaller vagina. Charlize said it's all about it being her. She said that not every woman wants a giant dick. Charlize said if you have a connection with someone you can work around that stuff. Howard said she's his kind of woman.
Howard said they learned a lot today. He said they learned that she has an oversized vagina. He said he had no idea. Howard said he dated a woman who broke up with him because she found someone who had a bigger penis than he did. Howard said she called him and said he has the biggest dick. Seth said fuck that woman. He asked if it was Orlando Bloom. Howard said he was a red head and he was picturing this big penis in a big red bush. He said the sad thing is he only had a 3 inch penis.
Howard said this movie sounds like a winner to him. He said go out and see Long Shot. Howard said no one will look at Seth's beard the same way after this movie. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said it was very nice to see Seth Rogen. He said he loves that guy. He said it's so good when he comes by. He said that Charlize Theron is something too. He said the way she owns it is great too. He said she was very humbled. Howard said he's sure a lot of guys fell for her in that interview. Howard said she's so hot that Fred came 3 times all over his own face during that interview. Fred said he looks like a bundt cake.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to stop the book publication and add this interview in there. He said he has to thank him for inviting us into his life all of these years. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks with everyone running on the democratic side that Trump will win. Robin said yes he will.
Robin started her news with a story about Kate Beckinsale and Pete Davidson breaking up. Robin said last they heard they were just getting together. Robin asked what it means when you say you're ''pumping the brakes'' on your relationship. Howard said Kate has to get back out and date. He said she wants to find a man now that the hourglass is emptying. Howard said Pete has to let people know he's available too. Robin said they're saying it's not over but they're ''pumping the brakes.'' Howard said there must be something wrong there. Robin said she would think so.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that he's going to laugh all day over Seth talking about jizzing on his own face. He asked if Howard misses his freedom from being a married man. Howard said he loves his wife and he's very happy with what he's doing. He said Charlize isn't looking for him anyway. Robin said that's why she was yelling at him about the relationship he had that didn't work out. Howard said he just got sad. He said he doesn't miss that woman. Howard said the good thing about being married is that he doesn't have to worry about acting a certain way in front of Charlize Theron. Balls asked Howard about jerking off to her. Howard said he jerked off twice yesterday.
Robin said the papers are trying to spoil Game of Thrones for her. Howard said he's going to get the fuck to of there and then go to the gym and ten go home and pull some outfits with Ralph. He said he has photo shoots and things. He said later on he'll get some dinner and dick around with some work. He said then he'll get into bed and watch some Game of Thrones. He said that'll be around 6:30.
Robin read a story about Jussie Smollett and how the city of Chicago is suing him for the money they spent on the investigation into him. Robin said the brothers are feeling like they were defamed so they're suing someone. Howard said he likes that Robin is calling him Jesse and not Jussie. Robin said she's taking that from Chris Rock. Robin said there are more investigations into this case.
Robin read a story about a 4 year old girl who kept her 3 month old brother alive for 3 days after their father shot their mother and then shot himself. Robin said the 4 year old was able to keep the baby alive all that time. Howard said he's not sure he'd be able to do that at his age. Howard did a live commercial read after that. He said the parents must have been good to raise such a good kid. Robin said she doesn't think so. Robin said children are not able to be children when they're in certain families and they learn to do stuff like this out of necessity.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard doesn't really interview people. He said he sits down with people and talks to them. He said if they don't talk to him truthfully he runs them through a meat grinder to get it out of them. Howard said he's right. He said the other interviewers get to edit their shit. He said he's working without a net there. He said he can't go on the Tonight Show and say that though. He said he needs this guy to go with him. He asked if he's free to write the foreword to his book. The caller said sure. He told Howard he likes his parent's voices too. He did an impression of his own mother's voice and Howard had to let him go.
Robin read a story about how there's a baby boom over at the Today show. Robin said Hoda Kotb has adopted a baby and Jenna Bush Yeager has announced she's pregnant. Robin said everyone his having babies over there.
Robin read a story about President Bush going out on the campaign trail and on the attack against the democrats. Robin said Trump was on the Hannity show and he was talking about Joe Biden. Robin had some audio from the interview. Howard asked if you start calling Trump names or do you take the high road. Robin said you can't take the high road. Howard said if he was Biden he'd call him Golfing Donnie or Pussy Grabber. He said maybe he'd call him Vladimir Trump. He said you have to come up with something and go in the gutter with him. Howard said he went all out on Les Moonves when he was suing him. He said you have to go at Trump hard if you're a democrat. Howard said there are a million nicknames they can use. He said they can call him Kim Jong Don. He said if he's calling Biden ''Sleepy Joe'' then pull out some shit. Howard asked why they're so god damn nice. Howard said he would fight with you until the sun went down. Howard said if he was Biden he'd call him Porn Star Fucker. He said Donald just fucks with them and they stand there and take it.
Howard said he learned something from a guy who worked in a prison. He said they were talking and the guy says to him that guys who wear their pants hanging down. He said he figured it came from prison because they don't have belts in prison. He said this guy told him no. He said it came from guys who want to get fucked in the ass in prison. He said they show their ass so the guys can see the shape of their ass. Howard said when you're walking around like that you're walking around like you want to get fucked in the ass.
Robin had more audio of Trump on Hannity talking about Biden, Beto O'Rourke, Pete Buttigieg and others. Howard said the democrats have to get in on this and just lie about everything.
Howard had fake Bernie Sanders on the phone talking about how he announced he's a millionaire. Howard had him on for a short time asking him about how he got rich.
Robin read a story about Trump still defending the comments he made about the people of Charlottesville. Trump claims he answered that question ''perfectly.'' He was talking about how great Robert E. Lee was as a general. Howard said no he wasn't. He said he's not going to say that. He said he was an asshole. Howard said this is how he's going to win again. He just makes shit up. Howard said Robert E. Lee gambled everything and lost. He said he's not one of the best generals. Gary said Brent is in there yelling about how bad he was as a general. Howard said he turned down the chance to lead the north. He asked who wants to see a statue of that asshole. Howard said stop it. Robin said he called them ''many fine people'' there. Howard said he wants to meet with the generals who said he was a great general. Robin said Kellyanne Conway said that he has already condemned white nationalism and neo-Nazis. Robin had some audio of her talking about that.
Robin read a story about the guy who is nominated to run the federal reserve who is apologizing for things he wrote years ago that he claims were jokes. Robin had some audio of him apologizing.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden trying to apologize to Anita Hill but she was having no part of that. Howard said she was treated like shit. He said he gets it. Robin said people are thinking a lot of things are going to come back to haunt Biden.
Robin read a story about a shooting at a synagogue in California over the weekend. Robin said the Rabbi from the synagogue is talking about how this woman who died jumped in front of the shooter to protect the rest of them. Robin said she understands the gun jammed and that's why he didn't get to kill more people. Howard said here was one person dead and some injured. Robin said six were injured. Howard said these fucking people. He said this is bullshit. He said they're nut jobs.
Robin read a story about a group of children whose parents had them chained up. Robin said they have released the 911 calls. Robin had the audio. The girl called and said that her sisters are tied up by her parents. She said the house is so dirty she sometimes can't breathe. Robin said that girl was 16 but they were all infantalized so they looked very young.
Robin read a story about Pink who was talking about how she keeps her marriage going with couple's therapy. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin said she loves that. She said that's a good way to think about your relationship. Howard said Fred has done therapy. Fred said he has and it works.
Robin read a story about Taylor Swift's new song and how big of a hit it is. Robin had some audio of the song. Howard said he checked it out to see if she was naked in the video but she's not.
Robin read a story about a new artist named Pia Mia and had Howard play one of her songs. Robin said she's going to be big. Howard said it all sounds like The Archies to him. He said he's not sure what that is. He said it doesn't make him feel anything.
Robin read a story about John singleton having a stroke over the weekend. Robin said here are conflicting reports about him being dead or alive. Robin said there are some saying he's still alive and in a medically induced coma. Robin said he may not be getting better. Robin said he's only 51 years old. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he watched Game of Thrones. He said everyone must have watched it by now other than Will in their office. He said he won't give any spoilers. He said he watched last night in bed. Robin said it was very tough for her. Howard said it was tough for everyone. He said something is going on with these directors. He said he would have said to the production company that the episode is so dark it's pitch black. He said they interviewed the director or cinematographer about this and they said it would be cool to see it by candle light. Howard said HBO had 2 years to make this 6 episodes of the show. He said HBO has nothing after this. He said they have Bill Maher's show and Game of Thrones. He said Netflix has wiped them out. He said they finally opened their bank book for these episodes. He said this is the third episode and their jaws must have dropped when they saw this.
Howard said they paid millions of dollars for this. He said they flew these assholes to Ireland and they can't see anything. He said people want realism so they think they want to see them in the dark. He said you can't tell who's who. Howard said when he saw the Helen Keller story he didn't need to see her point of view. He asked who these guys are who come out of film school and do this.
Howard said he went to bed later than he thought he was going to last night. He said he jerked off last night. He said he jerked off twice on Sunday. He said he did it in the morning and the evening. He said he was proud of himself. He said yesterday he figured he was on empty but he wasn't. He said he watched a 3 way lesbian massage. He said he was watching YouPorn trying to pick something and he wouldn't normally go for Lesbian porn. He said this woman had a wedge pillow that put her ass up in the air. He said she said there were two average looking women who had this really hot looking woman on the wedge pillow. He said they had full access to all of her private parts. Robin said she bets he was able to see everything in that. Howard said in porn they let you see everything.
Howard said he used to watch TV and they have things at night but they put on a soft light. He said you see everything. Robin said they did that in old westerns and you could see them at night.
Howard said he was in bed around 7:30. He said Game of Thrones was over 80 minutes long. He said he had to do the math to figure out how long that was. He said it was 20 minutes longer than normal. He said the show was dark the entire 82 minutes. He said he said to the guys in there that he doesn't know if the guy who fucks his sister was even in the show. Robin said he was and he was in the dark the entire time. Howard said he doesn't know who was who. He said he couldn't see who was in the show. Robin said all of the dragons looked the same. Howard said he wasn't sure who was flying next to Jon Snow. He said you can't tell who is fighting who. He said Stevie Wonder loved the show.
Howard said it was a complete disappointment. He said it was complete shit and the executives there should be called in by AT&T and fire them. He said they don't know how to run a phone line so they probably don't know how to run TV. Robin said they spent a ton of money on the show and a ton of money on promotion and you can't see anything.
Howard said he still doesn't know what was going on because he couldn't see anything. Robin said she was ducking to see the TV. Howard said he closed all of his shades. He said his alarm clock light was making it hard to see the screen. He said all of these guys shouldn't work in TV again after this. He said they fucked this whole thing up. He said it was pitch black like watching radio. Robin said she was leaning all over the place to see.
Howard said in the 60s people wanted to see realism. He said it became a whole shtick. He said now they use natural light. Howard said he wants to see. He said it was so aggravating. He said his life is slipping away watching this show.
Howard said he might ask Robin what happened off the air. He said people there are talking about how awful it was and Jon Hein was talking about how great it was. He said he used to think he was a great critic but he was in there defending it.
Howard said Jon is so blinded by his love of the show that he was defending it. Jon came in and said he reads the blogs after the fact but he liked the episode a lot. Jon said you have to pay attention to the show. He said he gets it's confusing. He said this fight was supposed to take place at night in the north. He said what they tried to do was make you feel like you were part of it. Robin said she doesn't need to be part of it.
Howard said the great thing is that they have the zombies and you can't see what they look like. Jon said you did see it. He said it was more than one. Howard said you only saw the leader. Jon said the giant came in. Howard said it was one. He said he's sure that they looked great but you didn't see them. Jon said you saw those faces come out when they attacked.
Howard asked if they could tell which dragon was which. Jon said that was confusing and he cops to that. Howard said the director was Miguel Sapochnik. He said he should be fired. Jon said he's great. Howard said he's the worst director on the planet. Howard said here are people running through the halls and you can't tell who is who. Robin said when the Dothraki were taken out it was the worst scene. Jon said it was great. Howard said you can't tell him that you weren't scratching your head wondering what the fuck they were doing. Jon said he wasn't.
Howard said Jon used to have credibility with him. He said he sees him in a different light. Jon said the show was dark but it wasn't that dark. Howard said it was. He said he has never seen a production like this. He said it was so pitch black. Howard said they used to have a way of showing you what's going on. He said they have a fire or something. Jon said they went into the castle and you saw people. Howard said no you didn't. Jon said you did. Robin said all of those people had dirt on their faces and she couldn't tell who they were.
Howard said he thought he was going blind from jerking off right before he watched the show. Howard said you can't tell a story like that in the dark. He said good story tellers find a way.
Howard said this should have been HBO's shining moment. He said the guy running it should have pulled the guy aside. He said this director Miguel is on the phone. Howard took the call and the guys were playing Beetlejuice clips.
Robin said there has to be more battles so she hopes it's not at night. Jon said it'll be great and they'll be talking about the show and how great it was. Howard told Jon to tell him he honestly loved the episode. Jon said he did think it was great. Robin said it was like radio. Jon said heaven forbid he defend it. Howard said there was hardly any dialog and it was pitch black. Jon said you could tell what was happening. Howard said he couldn't tell. Robin said he knew what was going on because he read.
Howard said he has no idea what happened to that Briann character. Jon said he knows. He said the first thing you see is her in front of a huge battalion. He said she's still alive. Howard said he's out of his mind. Jon said Howard and Robin aren't allowed to watch anymore. Howard said he doesn't know if she's still alive. Jon said if you watched you know what happened. Howard said he didn't see. Jon said Jamie and Briann were fighting and you know what happened. Howard said he doesn't know what the outcome was.
Howard asked Gary what he thinks about this. Gary said he and Jon were at odds yesterday over this. He said it was their biggest disagreement since they knew each other. He said he wanted to see the war too. Howard said you have to be seeing it. Howard said it's a lazy form of TV. He said it makes it seem mysterious and scary. He said be honest and tell you that you can't see anything. He said he wasn't able to see the fight. Robin said it wasn't clear if they even survived. Jon said that was confusing.
Howard said he's not sure if one dragon died. Jon said he can tell him if one died or not. Gary said if you put Briann in Google the headline asks if she's alive after the battle. Howard said if someone has to write that article then the show was a failure. Howard asked JD what he thinks. JD said he liked the episode. Robin asked what that means. She asked if he likes dark episodes. JD said it was dark and it was confusing but he knew what was happening. Howard said you have to struggle to understand. He said that shouldn't be the case.
Howard said he doesn't know what happened with the dude in the wheelchair. Jon said he did something. Jon told Howard what was going on with him but Robin told him to stop. Howard said no one knows what happened. Jon said the ravens were flying around and he knew where the night king was. He said he knew what was going to happen and how they were going to come in.
Howard said he has no idea how Jon knows what was going on. Jon said there was a giant mass of zombies that you could see in the beginning. Howard said that's true but then it got dark. He said he didn't see it. He said he didn't know what was going on.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Jon. He said somethings's going on with his hair. Jon said that he went to get his hair cut and the guy wasn't his usual guy and he buzzed it all off. Howard said Robin said he looks like he escaped from Bellvue. Robin said he looks like a guy who liked this episode. Jon said the guy told him to keep his beard.
Howard asked Jon what's going on with his hair on the TV show. Jon said his wife texted him when she saw him and asked if he got a Mohawk. He said that it didn't look good. Jon said he's on live TV and he texted her asking what he's supposed to do. He said that was in his head the entire time.
Howard thanked him for his review. Jon said he can tell him everything he needs to know about the show. Howard said he doesn't have to do that. Howard sang a song to Jon to the tune of the Game of Thrones theme. Howard played him out with a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody.
Howard said this is a dark mark on HBO and their executives. He said this is why they were bought out. He said they should have had the Bruce Springsteen special. He said Netflix got that out from under them. He said they blew it with that episode. He said he'd be pissed today if he bought HBO and they ran that. He said they're going to be extinct soon if this keeps up. Howard asked what they have other than Bill Maher. Robin said Veep is leaving. Howard said at least they liked that. Robin said they have John Oliver. Howard said he'll give them that. Gary said Big Little Lies is coming back. Howard said he doesn't watch that. He said everything is too dark. He wished HBO luck.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Michael Bay should have directed that. He said he did that Benghazi episode and you could see everything at night. Howard said of course. He said even in winter you can see things at night. He said it's not pitch black.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his eyeballs were bleeding trying to watch this thing. He said he has a 52 inch TV. He said he was looking at his system like Howard looks at his. He asked if his TV was broken. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had his contrast so messed up watching it that it looked like a negative. Robin asked why she has to change her TV settings to watch one show and then change it to watch another.
Jon told Robin that you don't have to change your TV. He said just watch the show. He said if there's a battle going on at this time you can't see anything. Howard said they shoot stuff in snow storms and you can see. Jon said this took place in the north and they can't see things. Jon said he was able to see just fine.
Howard said it looks like Jon is fucking Gary every time he gets on the camera. He said they have to work that out so they don't have to lean over Gary. Gary said Jon understands his personal space but Benjy will just lean on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he watched the show and he couldn't tell what was going on for 45 minutes of the show. Howard said shame on HBO. He said they have to have someone over there in Ireland watching things. He said they have to see what's going on. He said now AT&T should clean house over that. Howard asked who runs that company. Jon came back in and said that he doesn't know. Howard said the guy should go over to them and fire them. He said that director Miguel Sapochnik didn't do a good job. Robin said the guy who runs AT&T is Randall Stevenson. Howard said he should get off his ass and get them in line. He said they have to put on a good project.
Howard said don't listen to Jon Hein. He said this was not good. He said everyone hated it. He said this guy on the phone hated it. Jon said he's wrong.
Howard took a call from a guy who said use your imagination. He said Howard is a creative guy. Howard said when you watch any classic movies they don't ask you to make up the movie for yourself. The caller said this is the best show of all time. Howard said The Sopranos is the best show of all time. Jon said he can't believe that they don't know who is dead or alive. Howard said he has to go back and ask Jon who is dead or alive. He said Jon wouldn't know if he didn't read about it. Jon said yes he would. Jon said he does love the show.
Howard asked if Fred watches this show. Fred said he doesn't but he was reading they shot it by candle light and they cut back on the budget for the candles because they're cheap.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he has to get a new TV. She said she has a 4K TV and it was beautiful. She said she could see everything. Howard said she must be rich and has a good TV. She said it was gorgeous on her TV. The caller said she watched the show twice. Howard said she bought a TV that she can see it on and now she's bragging about it. Howard said good for you. She said her TV is like 2 years old. Howard said you have to buy a special TV to watch the show. Jon said you don't need a special TV.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it took them 11 weeks to shoot that episode. He said he got in a fight with his girlfriend about it. He said he just wanted to see what was happening.
Howard asked if Ralph still has that cold. Ralph said it's not a cold. Howard said he thinks he's dying. Jon said he was stuffed up a couple of weeks ago. Ralph said he's just fine. He said he went to the doctor and he's fine.
Howard said Ralph has a cold he can't get rid of. He said he can't get away from this guy in his apartment. Ralph said he had a cold that settled in his lungs and it never went away. He said that Ralph told Beth that he has throat cancer. He said Beth thought he wasn't kidding. Howard said she got all upset about that and they wrote asking if he was joking and he said he was. Ralph said he told her when he said it. Ralph said he told her he was sorry. Howard said he's always sick. Ralph said he is not.
Howard said Ralph goes with him to the photo shoots and he sees his pain there. Ralph said they take like a thousand photos and a slight turn makes him look good or bad. Howard said he should get that Miguel Sapochnik to shoot him. Ralph said that way only Jon could see him. Ralph said that show is stupid. Howard said last night's show was terrible. He said he still enjoys the show but this episode was just bad.
Ralph said they have a lot of good stuff on HBO so don't trash them. Jon said they own Cinemax and they have that show Warrior that he likes. Howard said that is good. Ralph said Barry is good. Robin said she has tried that. She said Bill Hader is awesome. Ralph said the show ''Succession'' is great. He said Netflix has so much crap you have to dig through. Jon said HBO would love to be Netflix.
Jon said Ralph sounds terrible. Howard said he shows up to the photo shoots and he can't even talk. He said he was at the Rolling Stone photo shoot and they go to this great place to shoot. He said Ralph went to their smoothie bar. Fred played some audio of Henry Hill coughing with his awful cough.
Howard said he has to get a new wardrobe. He said he went to Jerry Seinfeld's birthday party and he asked Ralph to pick something out. He said everything he tried on didn't fit. He said he's just 3-5 pounds heavier and he doesn't fit. He said he's getting old so he can't work out anymore. He said it's crazy how he doesn't fit.
Howard said it was so depressing. He said he went to the birthday party wearing a leather jacket with a sweater under it. He said he wore a scarf. He said everyone was in a suit and tie when he got there. He said he has a suit and he could have worn that. He said Beth told him to wear a suit. Robin asked why he has to dress like everyone else. Howard said he was way under dressed. He said everyone had a suit and tie. He said even Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Steve Martin, Bradley Cooper and others had suit and tie.
Howard said he asked Bradley how he knew to wear that. He said they were at Cafe Carlisle. He said no one told him. He said no wonder the waiter threw water on him. He said Bradley looks handsome in a suit an tie. He said his girlfriend was there. He said it was him, Beth, Bradley and Irina. Howard said Irina was so hot. He said he just looked at her.
Howard said Bradley looked like he was on the set of Pretty Woman. Robin said they look like they should have a soundtrack.
Howard said he didn't know there was a dress code. He said he was impressed with the guest list. He said it was kind of cool. He said it made him feel like he was in show business.
Ralph called back in and told him what he should have worn. Howard said he can't wear that jacket. He said it's too flashy. He said he would have looked like a court jester in that. He said Ralph doesn't understand that when you go to a party like this you can't wear that. He said he doesn't want to go there looking like Liberace. Howard said maybe he should have dressed as a dragon. He said he should show Robin what it looks like. He said it's like purple velvet.
Howard said he should have brought a wardrobe change like Cher. Ralph said if he had that jacket on he wouldn't have gotten wet. Howard said maybe that's true. He let Ralph go again. Howard said he felt like going home and changing into a suit. He said he could have done that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he went to a funeral and everyone had on warm up suits and street gear. He said it's just one day out of the year and you go to a funeral. He said you wear what you wear to go to the store. Howard said you have to wear a jacket and tie. King said he looked like the odd man out wearing a suit. Howard asked what King wants. King forgot what he was going to say. Then he asked who Chris Rock went to the party with. Howard said Chris was solo. Howard said he thinks he's with someone but she wasn't there that night. King said if you're dating someone she should go if you want to go somewhere. Howard said he thinks she was working. Robin said maybe she's an actress and shooting a movie or something. King said she doesn't have to work if she's with Chris Rock. Robin said she has to keep her job. King said that's what happened with his first wife. Howard said this is silly. He hung up on King.
Howard said Chris looks good. He said he asked how he's pulling this off. He said he's very trim. Robin said he's always been thin. Howard said he tries to stay thin by eating right. He said he threw out half his meal last night.
Howard said he disagrees with Jon about Game of Thrones. He let him know that again and then went to break.
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Howard asked if Bruce says that's what it's about. Gary said that's what a bunch of articles say about it. He said it's a story about one of the fire fighters who went up into the towers according to what he's reading.
Howard said he has other things to talk about. He said he got a lot of mail asking him no to take more calls from Mariann from Brooklyn. Robin said she thought she did good yesterday. Howard said he did too. He said he likes hearing her calling into other shows.
Howard read some of the email that he got about Mariann. Some people thought it was good but others didn't like it.
Howard had Mariann on the phone and said she she's going to rise above all of this. Mariann asked what the dates are for Fallon and Colbert. Howard said he has his phone today so he has that information. Howard said he has a calendar app he likes on the phone. He said that it works great for him. Howard said he's taping CBS Sunday Morning. He said he's not sure when it airs but they're doing it this week. Mariann said that's one of her all time favorite shows. Mariann said she can't wait to see what his sunshine is. Howard said he hopes they give him a blackout.
Howard said he has something that says Good Morning America, Nightline, ABC... He said he's not sure what that means. Mariann said she has a connection to Good Morning America. Howard said the book isn't out yet so this doesn't make sense. Gary said it's pre-tape. Mariann said ''Oh boy...'' Howard said this is a Thursday. He said he's not sure what it is.
Howard said he's taping Fresh Air for NPR on the 9th. He said that's pre-taped too. He said they tell him that the book buying public listens to NPR so he's doing it. Mariann said that's a good call. Howard said that's on the 10th.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon he's doing on the 15th of May. He said that's a Wednesday. He said he wishes it was on a Thursday. Mariann says he's doing The View on the 16th. Howard said it's not on his calendar. Howard said they have to enter that information into his calendar.
Howard said he's doing Colbert on the 21st of May. He said he thinks he's going to try to change that. He said that's on a Tuesday. He said he has to change that. He said he's wiped out after doing a show on a Tuesday. He said that's a recipe for disaster. Howard said they should know that. He said that's all he has right now.
Mariann asked if he's doing other shows. Howard said they told him to do Bill Simmons. Mariann asked if he's doing any podcasts. Howard said he's not doing any of those shows. He said there will be other things. Howard said enough with Mariann. He said that's enough promotion too.
Howard said he has done a bunch of interviews already. He did a bunch for print magazines. He said he's not sure if they even buy magazines anymore. He said that's enough.
Howard said that was a crazy phone call. He said he loves that. Robin said she did too. Howard said that's the Harry Nilsson song. Fred played the song ''Jump Into the Fire'' that Howard was singing in those clips the guys played.
Howard said they say that Robin Zander covered the song on his first solo album. He said he's never heard that. Howard said this song was in Goodfellas. Howard asked Fred to find the Robin Zander version. Fred said he might have it. Fred played the song. Howard said they did a different arrangement. He said you have to be careful doing that. He said he doesn't like that. He said he likes Robin Zander a lot though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said it's embarrassing that he doesn't know who Terry Gross is. She said that she's a better interviewer than Howard is. She said it's going to be an amazing interview. Howard said he's an expert in interviews. He said that's what his book is about. Howard said his interview with Seth Rogen and Charlize Theron was the best. He read some email he got about that interview. He had a lot of positive feedback about that interview.
The caller said this is going to be Howard's best interview. She said that she loves Howard but Terry is the best. Howard said she sounds like she wants to tongue fuck her. The caller said that Howard is good but Terry is the best.
Howard took a call from Apples who said he can't believe he doesn't know who Terry Gross is. Howard said he doesn't listen to radio. He said he was told she sells a lot of books so he'll go talk to her. Robin asked if they air NPR on Sirius. Howard said they probably do.
Apples said he would like to date Charlize Theron and his wife is okay with that. Howard said a lot of guys are like that thinking they can date a woman like that. He said now she's in a movie with Seth Rogen and guys start to think they can get her. Howard said he told Ralph yesterday that he would probably be dating her if he was single. Howard said you think she can be yours. He said she's nice but she's not going to date Apples.
Howard said he was watching some TV after Game of Thrones. He said he watched Beth on Rachel Ray and it was sweet. He said they had some dogs on for an adopt-a-thon. He said Rachel was holding a dog that was really cute. He said their agent Don adopted the dog. He said he changed the name of the dog. He said the dog is so cute. Robin said every time she does those shows she wants a dog but she can't have one.
Apples asked if Howard wants another dog. Howard said they are so involved in cat rescue. He said they have 5 of their own and they may get a sixth. He said they have a lot going on. He said they're constantly at the vet. He said it's like they're running an animal shelter. He said Beth is all hands on with the cats. He said she's cleaning litter boxes day and night. He said she's completely hands on. Apples said that's awesome.
Howard said they built a room in their house for his parents and it's full of kittens. He said the guest room is full too. He said he has cats constantly going in and out of there. Robin said she was reading about one mama cat who wasn't ready for them to have human contact and they were getting close. Howard said he has a whole saga going on in his house.
Howard said he watched Beth on Rachel Ray. He said some girl wrote a paper about Beth being her ''Shero.'' He said they had the girl on and it really moved his wife.
Howard said he watched American Idol with the Queen episode. He said Adam Lambert is in Queen now. He said it's like a tribute band now but they say Adam is carrying on the legend of Freddy Mercury. Howard said he doesn't get guys who wear finger nail polish other than Steven Tyler. He said Ozzy too.
Apples asked if he can ask a question. Howard asked if he's getting bored with this. Apples said he wants to hear about Katy Perry on the show. Howard said he's getting to that. He said Katy had blonde hair. He said she put that thing in her hair like bald babies have. He said she had that on like she was a baby. He said she looks good. He said if he was a dude he'd want to angry fuck her.
Howard said the kids were singing and about 3 of them were off key. He said the judges were complimenting the kids. He said he was like ''Oh come on.'' Robin said she doesn't know what Luke Bryan is doing on that show. She said that's what she's been thinking ever since they played one of his songs. Howard said she's right about that.
Howard said when he was on America's Got Talent they would cut out his negative comments. He said you have to be positive to get on camera. He said some of the people have to slim down. Robin said that's body shaming. Howard said you're young and you have to appeal to young people. He said you don't see many fat rock stars. Robin said Meatloaf was fat. Robin said Leslie West too. Howard said he always told him to slim down. He said Leslie didn't give a fuck though.
Apples asked if Howard has ever tried CBD. Howard said stop it. He said he's not going to use that. He said he's not doing weed or CBD. Apples said he has been in the weed business so he knows. Howard said he's had enough of him.
Robin said Chelsea Handler and Seth both wanted to tell Howard what he should be smoking. Howard said if he took just one hit he thinks he'd be okay. He said he takes 3 hits and he's gone. He said Seth is right. He said he's not going to do it. He said he doesn't drink anymore and he won't smoke. Robin said everyone has a theory. She said she loves that everyone is concocting these theories about how pot should be used.
Howard said Steve Nowicki is out there saying CBD is great. Robin said it's an oil you rub on yourself. Howard said maybe on his cock. Steve came in and told Howard what CBD is. He said it relaxes your body. He said he can't smoke weed. He said he has CBD chocolate that he eats. He said it doesn't fuck up your head. Howard said maybe he'll try that. Robin said she has a friend who got a massage and they used CBD oil all over her body.
Howard asked if Steve had any overlap with other girls. Steve said he did and she wasn't too thrilled with that. Howard said she must have thought that they were dating and that was it. Steve said she asked him if he was seeing anyone else. He said he told her what went on and she was grossed out by it. Steve said they weren't exclusive at the time.
Howard said he gets it now. He said as guys if you're seeing someone you should probably only be fucking one. He said a good looking guy like Steve can get more than one. He said that he understands that now. Steve said there are times he's hooking up and then another opportunity comes up and he doesn't want to miss out.
Howard asked who has the hotter girlfriend, Steve or Memet. Steve said Memet's girlfriend is hot too. Steve ran out to get his phone to show Howard a picture. Howard said he didn't know how good looking Steve is. He said he heard he's on a roll. He said strippers were trying to pick him up.
Howard took a look at the girlfriend. He said she's not bad. He said you can't fuck around on a girl like this. He said she has options. Steve said he's not fucking around. Steve said she has a great ass. He said he's cumming too quick lately. He said he's checking out her ass and it's fucking his game up. He said in recent days it's not as easy. Howard said that's awesome. He said he's the man.
Robin said they say that millennial women are having more sex but less orgasms. Steve said not with him. Howard said that's awesome. Steve said this girl is the coolest. He said they spend a lot of time together. He said they're in love. Howard asked how long that took. Steve said it was about a month. Steve said she slipped it out one weekend and he was going to say it that weekend too. Howard said Steve has a boner right now. He said that's real love. Howard said he's hard as a rock. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he was watching Sammy's new TV show on AXS show. He said that Sammy went out and sang a Who song and it was beautiful. He said that he's still got it at 70. Robin said he's still young like the president. Howard said it was really beautiful.
Howard said Jason was just filling him in on this. He said people aren't vaccinating their kids and that's why we have a measles outbreak. He said the weird thing is that they're saying people who have been vaccinated may have to get vaccinated again. He said early on they had a heavy dosage of the vaccine but they say that younger people may have to get revaccinated. He said they say that people like Jason, who is 40, could get measles. Jason said that it was fine back in their time because everyone was getting vaccines.
Howard said this is Memet who did this report on anti-vaxxers. Howard asked Memet to come in to talk about this. He said that the Mayor just had to do something about this last week because the disease spreads so easy. Howard said scientists are saying that people are selfish about their kids and they're not vaccinating their kids.
Howard said he has people on hold every day who say we shouldn't vaccinate. He said this could kill us. He said they refuse to believe that it can be a good thing. He said once you're an anti-vaxxer you're hurting other people. He said that he was reading about an 8 month old getting measles because she was too young. He said now those kids are susceptible because of that.
Memet said that you'd think in New York you wouldn't get it but there are Measles parties for people who get their kids sick on purpose. Howard said it's been debunked that vaccines cause autism.
Howard said there are a lot of crazy theories about the government making profits off of vaccines. Robin said the arguments are ridiculous.
Memet said he has people in his family who are not vaccinating. He said he didn't know until he put the message out asking about it when he was looking for people to interview. He said they're not stupid people either. He said this person is not a bible thumper either.
Howard played a clip of this person talking about why she's not vaccinating. She said that she would rather have her kid get it and never get it again than have the vaccine. Howard asked if Memet wants to bang his head into the wall. Memet said he worries about the kid but maybe she's done a lot of research. Robin said she's only thinking about her own child and no one else.
Howard played another clip of the woman talking about how she won't vaccinate for HPV or Meningitis either. She said she has a friend who was injured by a vaccine. She said she has a friend who has a child who now has a severe peanut allergy. Memet said you'd rather have that than a disease spreading throughout the country.
Howard said this woman's kid could end up getting HPV and he's not sure why she wouldn't do that. He said it's so crazy. He said this woman thinks that they're just doing the vaccine thing to make money. He played another clip of her talking about that.
Howard said they're not even worried about their kids getting polio. Howard played another clip of the woman talking about what they would do if the kid got polio. She said that maybe he'd be able to fight it. Howard said good luck with that. Robin said that people had strong immune systems back then before vaccines so that's not logical.
Memet said this family member claims that her kid has never had a cold and he's like 4 years old. Howard played more of the woman talking about ''crotch goblins'' and how they can stay away from her kid. Howard said he's not sure what that even means.
Howard said it's so fucked up. He said just wait until we go back to all of these diseases and see how this goes. Memet said it's happening everywhere now.
Howard took a call from a woman who said in 1986 we lost the right to sue vaccine manufacturers and we have paid 4 billion to the maimed and injured. She said her son got the Measles from his vaccine. She said Robert Kenney Jr. has been fighting these criminals over this. Howard said we need to have vaccines. The caller said she's saying the makers should be held liable. Robin asked if we need the vaccines. The caller was talking about something that bored Howard so he hung up on her.
Howard said he likes having the government looking at everything we eat and all of that. He said we need vaccines.
Howard said High Register Sean is an anti-vaxxer. He took a call from Sean who said his name is Seany. Howard said he's High Register Sean. Seany said that's the stupidest name ever. Howard said that's why they use it. Howard asked what Seany has to say. Seany said the government is putting tracking devices in the flu vaccines. Howard said this guy believes in the Illuminati. Seany said Jussie Smollett is proof of it. He said he had this whole ruse and this case gets sealed. He said it had to do with him being friends with Obama. Howard said it was that woman, not Obama. Seany said it was his connection to Obama. Howard said this guy is a wack job.
Howard said Seany believes in dog men. Seany said he had one on the woods behind his house. Robin asked what he took to make him like this. Seany said he's never had a flu vaccine. Howard said they would know if something like that was in the vaccine. Seany said they would keep it silent. Howard said everyone has a voice on the internet now. Seany said he's got to be kidding.
Howard asked what the dog men are. Seany said it's a half breed of men and dog to be a perfect killing machine. Robin asked where they're using them. Seany said some of them got loose and that's why they're in the woods. Howard said the military lost track of them. He asked if any of them are working for the military. Seany said the hybrids have gone out and mated. Howard asked why we haven't seen any of them. He asked what they look like. Seany said they look like a man with a dog's head on it. He said their eyes glow orange at night. He said they're elusive so you can't see them. Robin said Seany saw one though.
Gary said Seany thinks that Chris Cornell and Chester Bennington were killed because they were about to uncover a child pornography ring. Howard asked if he works. Seany said he does. He said he has to pay for his prepper goods with money. Howard asked what he's prepping for. Seany said he has crates of food and rice. Howard said he'll just go there and take his food from him if there's an apocalypse.
Gary said he thinks there's a zombie deer flu too. Seany said there is such a thing. He said their eyes turn white. Howard asked if he has ever been psychiatrically treated. Seany said he went through some testing as a young man. He said he walked away and he's fine. Howard asked if they said he's normal. Seany said no. He said that
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back (Chris Wilding) who was playing the part of a dog man. He was barking and panting while claiming they don't exist.
Memet said he noticed that guys who can't get laid have these conspiracy theories. Howard said Seany claims that he's married too. Seany said he had his wife on the show before. Howard said he thought he liked the name High Register Sean. Seany said people call him that. He said people confuse that with High Rise Sean. Howard said he's not a Seany. He said that's what you name a 3 year old.
Howard asked if he has kids. Seany said he does have kids and they are vaccinated. He said they're older now. He said he wasn't as aware at the time as he is now. He said he has had them scanned for tracking devices. Howard said the government is so incompetent that they can't do anything. He asked how they'd track people. Seany said that on one hand he's saying he doesn't think they can do anything but then he's saying they don't know what they're doing. Howard said we need government for clean water and roads. He said we like systems like that. He said stop with all of this shit.
Seany said we're paying for all of these things now. He said he wants them to fix it because we're paying for it. He said there's massive waste in the government.
Howard asked what we should be worried most about right now. Seany said Ebola. Howard said he has Alex Jones on the phone and he agrees with Seany. Howard took the call from Fake Alex who said he agrees with Seany and gave him more conspiracy theories. Fake Alex was plugging some products for InfoWars.com too.
Seany told Howard that Bigfoot is in the bible. Memet said there's a lot of fake shit in the bible. Howard told Seany to get with it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with Seany on some of this stuff. He said he's not sure about the dog men. He said that there are things that the government does. He was going on and on about that stuff and Howard just hung up on the guy.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who said he works with the government and they have been tracking him since he was 12. He said they put microchips into his brain when he was born. He also said that Seany's wife is half dog as well. He said that's why the dog men are around his house.
Howard asked if Seany is a big gun guy. Seany said that he'd just say don't try to break into his house. Howard asked what kind of gear he has. Seany said he has a crossbow and guns. Memet said anyone who believes in dog men shouldn't be allowed to own a gun in this country. Howard said he thinks people are trying to break out of Sean's house. Seany said he's a licensed gun owner and he had to take a lengthy test to get the permit. Robin said that test is not thorough enough.
Howard said he has Hulk on the phone and he believes what Seany is saying. Hulk was going crazy over the conspiracy theories. Then he turned back into Bruce Banner. Then he turned into Hulk again when Sean pissed him off.
Seany said they're turning this into a mockery. Howard asked ''You think?'' Howard asked if he doesn't believe in the hulk. Seany said no.
Memet asked if Sean home schools. Seany said he doesn't like kids. He said he had kids to do chores. Howard asked if he works on a farm. He said they probably work from light to dark and then they go to bed. Seany said he likes his kids. He said he doesn't want to try teaching them math and shit. Howard asked if he has told them he doesn't like kids. Seany said he likes kids, he was just kidding. Memet asked if the kids believe in dog men and all of that. Seany said he had a fight with his kids about a smart speaker. He said he doesn't want one in the house. Robin asked what he's doing that they'd be interested in. She said this might be comic relief for them. Memet said this is the kind of guy you'd want them listening to.
Seany asked if that's Memet in there. Howard said it is. Seany let out a ''Ugh'' when he heard that.
Howard asked if his kid's friends goof on him. Seany said not in front of him. Howard asked if he can do anything about his stutter. Seany said he has tried to lose it as a teen but he got nowhere with it. He said he got frustrated and threw his hands in the air. Howard asked if he sings does the stutter go away. Seany said it does. Howard had him sing something for them. Seany sang and didn't stutter. Memet said maybe talk like that all the time.
Howard said he wouldn't cure it. He said this is entertaining. Seany said that Johnny Fratto was trying to sell him some pills that would cure his stutter. He said he never tried them though. Howard said he has those pills. He said they're about 8 grand a pill. He said he can't guarantee they'll work though.
Howard said there is no Illuminati, there are no dog men and there is no tracking in the flu vaccine. Seany said every year the flu vaccine is a guess at what strain it will be. Howard said that's true. Seany said when you mix that with... Robin interrupted and said that she thought Howard was trying to end this. Howard said this is like Porky Pig. He asked Seany to please do the Porky Pig thing. Seany said if he agrees to stop calling him High Register Sean he will. Seany did the ''That's all folks'' thing for them. Howard called him High Register Sean after that.
Howard asked what the government would be tracking Sean for. Howard asked what the game plan is. Memet asked what it would mean if they knew where he was right now. Seany said they're trying to get control of the society. He said when they hear people are talking against the government they bring the hammer down.
Howard took a call from Seany's fake wife who was stuttering like Sean. Seany said trust him, she doesn't stutter. Howard had another guy goofing on Sean who was stuttering like him. Seany said this is ridiculous. He said it's really insulting. Howard said that was his clone that the government made. Seany said what the fuck. Howard asked if he's going to get the shingles vaccine. Seany said no. Howard said go enjoy shingles. Howard said he got that vaccine. Seany said the tracking isn't even the worst of it. He said the micro transmitter transmits. He said they can change your thought patterns. Howard said he should start his own religion.
Howard said he has to go. He said this is fun but he has to get out of this. Sean said please read up on this stuff. Robin said ''Nope.''
Howard said Dr. Agus told him to get the Shingles vaccine. He said Shingles will fuck you up. Seany said that doctors are only interested in making money. He said there's more to health than that. Brent came in ad talked about how awful it was when he got Shingles. Howard said his father had it on his head. He said it was near his eye and nose. Brent said get the vaccine. Howard said put a tracking device in his. He said he's fine with that.
Howard said Seany has a theory about Brent lying about swinging too. Seany said he's not sure Brent is the real Brent anymore. He said he thinks he's actually a clone of himself or an android. Howard said this is getting silly.
Howard said people who get influenced by this are people like High Pitch Erik. He said Erik won't get vaccinated. Howard had Erik on the phone and Erik said he wears a surgical mask at he doctor's office. He said they ask him if he wants to get vaccinated and he always says no. He said he doesn't need to be vaccinated. Erik said he wears gloves there too. He said he goes to the bathroom and washes his hands like 10 times there. Howard said Erik doesn't give a shit about his health. Erik said he does. He said he washes his hands like 5 times. Erik said he hasn't gotten sick the whole year. Seany said the doctor's offices are the dirtiest places on earth. He said they have all kinds of germs and fecal matter around the office.
Memet said Erik just doesn't like the needles. Erik said that's true, he doesn't like needles. Howard said this is ridiculous. He hung up on Erik.
Howard took a call from a guy who said we do need vaccines. He said he had a guy in the army die from meningitis when he was in the service. Brent said he's getting a measles booster shot. He said they say if you were born between 1957 and 1989 you should get the shot.
Howard thanked Seany for calling in. He said he has to stick with the High Register Sean name. He said he can't help it. He said he's a Wack Packer. Seany said he's a contributor. Howard let him go again after asking him to say ''That's all folks'' one more time. Howard said he's a good guy but he's a bit misguided. They went to break after that.
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Howard said people are calling in about the vaccine thing. He said a woman called in saying her husband got shingles on his dick. The caller said it was on his dick and ass crack. She said that he woke up with a black spot on his dick and they had to go to the hospital. She said he was on anti virals for days and he had shingles for months. Howard said he got the two shots for the vaccine and they had a hard time finding it.
Robin said you think this country is a pretty progressive country and this is going on. Howard took a call from a woman who said that they had put off getting a flu shot and her son ended up getting sick and he they went to the emergency room and he died. She said that the flu makes your muscles ache and the flu virus got to his heart. She said that he was 12 and healthy before that. She said she tries not to get on the soap box too much but she thinks he would have had a better chance if she had gotten him the shot.
Howard said he just wants these people to get the communicable disease vaccines. The caller said she agrees. Howard let her go.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he's getting his shingles vaccine this week. He said his doctor said you have to wait 2 or 3 months for the second one. Howard said it's 6 months. He hung up on Bobo when he was about to ask another question.
Howard said it's the 5th anniversary of the Billy Joel Town Hall. He said that's still one of his favorite interviews. He said that it is part of his book Howard Stern Comes Again. He said that they did the interview in front of people and they don't usually do that. He said it was just a great fucking show. Howard played some clips from the special. He said that guy still has a great voice.
Howard said the first guest that evening was Idina Menzel. He said he saw some troll asshole saying she's not good looking. He said people who do that should have to post pictures of themselves. He played a clip of Idina singing ''Honesty'' with Billy playing piano.
Howard said that was a cool broadcast. He said it was 5 years ago. Robin said it was great to hear people telling Billy what they think about him.
Howard said Pink sang with Billy too. He said they did a duet. He played some of that and said he loves those harmonies.
Howard wondered if Billy was really moved by that. Robin said he did say to Melissa Etheridge that's how he heard it in his head when he wrote it. Howard said Melissa had never performed the song before and she got to do it in front of Billy. Howard played some of her singing ''Only the Good Die Young.''
Howard said it was a magical broadcast. He said Billy performed ''Vienna'' for them and it was really moving. Howard said he had a whole discussion about the song and what inspired it. Howard played some of the performance.
Howard said he wrote a lot about Billy in his book. He said he wrote a piece about how he met him and what he means to him. He said you'll see.
Howard said Boyz 2 Men performed too. He said they came out and did a medley of Billy's songs. He played some of that. He said he thinks Billy took them out on tour. Robin said he did.
Howard said the topper was Billy doing a cover of ''A Whiter Shade of Pale'' and he loved that. Howard played a few seconds of that performance too.
Howard said that really was a great broadcast. He said that guy means so much to him. He said he has gotten to know Billy pretty well. He said they get together with the wives. He said they live near each other on Long Island and in Florida. He said he's not carried away with himself like some people are. Robin said they're lucky they lived in this lifetime and got to hear him.
Howard said Tony Bennett came out and performed with Billy at the end of the show. Howard played some of that performance of ''New York State Of Mind.''
Howard asked what they're doing in honor of that. He said he's not sure if they took video of that. He said they may have. He said he knows the audio is on the app right now. He said you can go back and listen to that. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said people are upset that he contacted his trip to Italy. He said he has to do what he has to do. He said he has all of this promotion to do. Howard read some of the email he got about that. People were going off on him about that. Howard said some people were upset with him about going to Seinfeld's party and making up with Bill Maher. Howard read some email about that.
Howard said he's going to talk to JD about his trip back home during their vacation. He said JD was spending a lot of money out there. He said he has to yell at him about that. He said they'll hear about that tomorrow. Howard asked what JD spent on that Reds game out there. JD said it was like $1,000. He said he wanted to do it for his dad because his dad did it for him. He said once you do this you can't go back. He said he had sat on those seats before so he wanted to sit there again. Howard said he went out there with his wife and spent all that money on those tickets. JD said it was like $260 a ticket. He said they had a buffet there and it was pretty decent.
Howard said JD had to stand in line for a long time. JD said he did and then the game had to start. Howard said he has a way of telling a story. Fred did his impression of JD mumbling out the story.
Robin started her news with a story about this 19 year old who shot up the synagogue in California over the weekend. Robin said the parents put out a statement through a lawyer. Howard said imagine your baby grows up to shoot up something like that. Robin read some of the parent's statement. She said they're distancing themselves from their son with that. Robin said he put out a manifesto before he went out and did the shooting. Robin said some people turned him into the FBI but by the time they got the alert it was too late. Robin said they do appreciate that they were alerted though.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing a Billy Joel/George Takei mash up. He had Billy playing piano and George singing. Sour George was singing about his time in the internment camps. Howard said he has to go. Sour did his Artie Lange impression and then broke into his Gary impression and then had Artie singing with Billy. He sent into the George impression again. Howard said this is turning into a cluster fuck. He let Sour go after that.
Robin read a story about how women are being warned not to put garlic in their vagina to stop yeast infections. Robin said this is not the way to stop the infection according to doctors. Robin said in 2014 a gynecologist said that 10 percent of his patients had tried this.
Howard said Sal had some kind of yeast in his pouch and he put garlic in there. He said it got sore. He said he's not sure where this comes from. He said he heard it got really nasty. Sal said it said to mix it with yogurt. He said he stuffed it in his pouch and it was all sore and red. He said he eventually went to the doctor to get it fixed. Howard said Sal tries all of these things before going to the doctor. Sal said don't stick garlic on your penis. He said he was carrying the mix around in a container and he didn't know it had to be refrigerated. Howard asked where he learns about this. Sal said he Googles it. He said just go to a doctor.
Robin said they say the garlic can have bacteria on it and it can trigger the vagina to grow microorganism bile films. Robin said you do not want one of those in your vagina. Howard said Sal is like a Gyro sandwich. Sal said he once put tea tree oil on his cock and it was really bad. He said then he bought this oil that was purple and his dick turned purple for like a month. Howard asked why he won't just go to a doctor. Sal said he's into homeopathic stuff. Howard said he shouldn't be doing that. Robin said he's not that smart. Sal said she's probably right since his cock was purple for like a month.
Howard said this thing turned from garlic to yogurt. Robin said you're supposed to eat that stuff but women are putting inside their vagina.
Howard took a call from fake Sal's wife who said she's never having sex with Sal again. She said that his cock smells like a pizzeria.
Robin read a story about a Hasidic singing star who was escorted off a Jet Blue flight when an alarm went out about a possible measles case. Robin said he had a daughter with sores that were visible. Robin said they assumed he was an anti-vaxxer. Robin said they were taken off the plane because of it. Robin said she pulled some of his songs when she read about him. Robin had Howard play some of his songs.
Robin read a story about John Singleton dying at the age of 51. Robin had Howard play the theme from his movie Boyz N The Hood. Robin said he directed that at the age of 24. Robin had some audio of Lester Holt talking about the importance of that movie. Robin went over some of the other movies he did. Robin said he had 7 children. She said she didn't know he had so many. Robin said he didn't make any provisions about what to do if he was incapacitated. Robin said his mother said he was close to death but his daughter said he was in a medical coma. Robin said she thinks there's going to be some squabbling in the family. Howard said you have to make a will. Howard said just look at what's going on with Prince's house. He said they're giving tours of that place like Graceland. Howard said they have a 3 hour tour of his house. He said they sell Paisley Park products there too.
Robin read a story about someone said that Larry King had a heart attack and wasn't doing well but his people say that's not true. Robin said they say that he had a procedure performed and he's on the mend. Howard said it made him sad when he head he might be dying. He said he can't believe Larry outlived John Singleton. Howard asked how old he is. Robin said he's 85. Howard said he'd be sad if they lost that ''My Two Cents'' column. He did his impression of Larry doing that column. He said he might be able to keep that going himself. JD said he thinks Larry stopped doing that last year. Howard said he'll take his place if they want him to.
Robin read a story about Peabo Bryson being hospitalized over the weekend. Robin had some of his music for Howard to play. Howard said he's pretty good if you like that kind of thing. He knew some of the songs from the movies they were in.
Robin read a story about President Trump going to some rallies over the weekend. Robin said he has been talking about extreme late term abortions. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about the baby being born and then the mother meets with the doctor and they determine if they're going to execute the baby. Howard asked when he started caring about abortion. He said he's just playing to those yahoos. He said he has to stop that. Robin said he's not going to stop. Howard said he's going to fuck everything up.
Robin read a story about Brigham Young University and how the valedictorian gave a powerful commencement speech by coming out as gay. Robin had some audio from that. Howard asked if they stoned him to death. He asked how Mormons stand on that. Robin said they're against it.
Robin read a story about Pete Buttigieg meeting with Al Sharpton yesterday. Robin had some audio of Al talking about his meeting with Pete. Robin said she's not sure why he's meeting with Al. Howard said you have to or he'll fuck you up by telling black people not to vote for you. Howard said he likes this guy Pete. He said that he was a little non committal on some of the issues though. He said that Camilla Harris seems pretty together too. He said people think that they can't beat Trump with a woman. Howard said Trump better back off the nicknames if Pete runs. He said he can imagine him calling him ''Butt Pirate Pete'' or something like that. Fred did a Trump impression that Howard hadn't heard before. Fred did the soft talking, name calling Trump voice.
Robin read a story about Amazon.com and how they're going to have package delivery right to Ford and Lincoln cars. Robin said any Ford or Lincoln owner can download an app that will allow Amazon access to their car. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Robin said some packages are stolen on their porch. Howard asked where your car is. Robin said she doesn't know. Robin said if you get that key it must know where your car is. Howard said he's not sure if it opens your car. Robin said she's not sure either.
Robin read a story about something called a Burkini. Howard said you can't go swimming with all of your clothes on. Robin said they have a woman wearing one of these in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. Howard said he wants one in his size. He said he's been swimming in a garbage bag. Robin said a 21 year old model from Kenya is the first woman to wear one of these things in the issue. Howard made his masturbating sound to the girl in the Burkini. He said he was seeing her fingers and ankles and jerking off to that.
Robin read a story about Ben Stiller testifying in front of a senate panel tomorrow. Howard said he's a good guy. Robin said he's testifying for the refugees in Syria. Robin asked what he really knows about that. Howard said Ben knows. Howard said he should get some award for what he's doing with animals. He said he's piggybacking on Beth's work.
Robin read a story about how the granddaughter of Les Moonves is living in a roach infested apartment. Howard said he has to defend Les here. He said his son had a kid and the guy split with his wife. He said now they're going after Les in this. Robin said they say the son is broke and has no job. Howard said you don't know what this kid is up to. He said you don't know the whole story there. He said he's going with Les on this. Howard said Les has 99 problems and the kid ain't one. He said everyone in New York lives with roaches. He said they're everywhere in this city. Robin said this poor child has nothing to do with any of that. Robin said Les should just take the baby.
Robin read a story about a follow up to the Lifetime documentary about R. Kelly. Robin said it's a 2 hour special called Surviving R. Kelly: The Impact.
Robin read a story about the royal baby that may be due any day now. Howard said he doesn't care about any of that.
Robin read a story about a 13 year old girl who had a baby that just fell out of her. She had no idea she was pregnant. Howard said that's how his mother gave birth to him. Howard was talking about how the girl went to take a shit and the shit started crying. Fred played some baby crying sounds as he was talking about that. Robin said the girl gave birth and then fire fighters showed up and the baby didn't have a pulse. The 13 year old girl was unconscious. Howard said there's an epidemic in this country and now Trump is against abortion. Howard did more of his bit about his mother giving birth to him in a toilet. Howard said his name was Doody for the first four months. He had his mother talking about how the stork dropped him in the toilet. Fred played the sounds of a fart and a huge splash sound. Howard said he was the miracle turd. He was a two flusher.
Robin read a story about how there was going to be a Woodstock 50 celebration. She said it has been canceled. She said that it was scheduled to coincide with the anniversary of the festival this summer. Howard said you can't have another one with the music they have today. He said music was at its prime back then. He said they had Santana, The Who, Mountain, Hendrix, Jefferson Airplane and others. He said it was a beautiful moment in history. Robin said they say that most of the artists had already been paid. Then they started questioning the venue and the massive crowds that may show up. Robin said some people are saying they're going ahead with their plans.
Robin read a story about The Avengers Endgame movie shattering box office records. Robin said it made $350 million domestically. Howard said he wants to see it but not in a theater. Robin said they say it's destroying the box office. Howard said he wishes they would send him that stuff. He said he doesn't know who is famous enough other than Bob Iger who must get that stuff at his house. Howard said maybe Robert Downey Jr. could set him up. He snapped his fingers and asked Robert to send him that. Howard told Gary to make that happen. Robin said it made over $859 million outside the U.S. so it's over a billion now. Robin said that Infinity War did that in over 11 days. Howard asked if Thanos is a cartoon kind of thing or is it the guy. Robin said it's the same as Gollum. She said it's Josh Brolin playing the part.
Howard said Hulk has the screener for him. He took a call from Hulk who said he just needs him to return it. Howard hung up on him and ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how that song gets you up. He asked what goes better with that song than a ''Hey now!'' He said Tracy Morgan will be stopping by to say hello today. Robin said he was in an episode of The Twilight Zone she was just watching.
Howard said he had a horrible dream last night. He said it was a nightmare. He said he dreamt that he was on WLIR on Long Island. He said he never worked there but he had a dream that he was there. He said he was somehow working there on this cool rock station. He said they put him on the air and he was unfamiliar with the equipment. He said it was back in the day when he was playing records. He said he was there and he had no records to put on and he had no commercials to play so there was dead air. He said he had no idea where the log was or anything. He said he woke up in a sweat over this. He said it was the worst radio show ever. He said he was going crazy.
Howard said he got up early because he couldn't take it. He said he felt like he was living it and it was just awful. He said everything just sucked. He said he was wondering what the whole world was thinking with him not having anything to play. He said he didn't even know how to turn the microphone on. He said he's had that dream before but it was never that intense. He said he woke up sweating. He said he was sweating through his t-shirt. He said he does that occasionally. He said he's gross and disgusting. He said he smells the shirt to see if he smells. He said it doesn't smell though. He said he's not a smelly guy.
Howard said he even checks his balls. Fred laughed. Howard asked what's so funny. He said his balls smell pretty good. Robin said she can't imagine. Howard said it's so gross.
Howard said he's fine now that he's there. Robin said he is prepared and he knows where the equipment is.
Howard said he has to ask Tracy about this. He said they'll find out what he does with all of those sneakers. Robin said he ash 10,000 in storage. Howard said they call him the black Emelda Marcos.
Howard said Tracy has aquariums, a private jet and a ton of dough. Robin said he got that settlement. Howard said he heard that it was 90 million. He said Gary was telling him this morning that his friend who died got 10 million. He said they say that Tracy actually got 50 million. He said it's still a lot of money. He said he doesn't think you pay tax on that money but he could be wrong about that. He said he's not like the guy on Jeopardy who wins every night. He doesn't know it all.
Howard said Tracy must have a lot of needs. He said he'll be there this morning and it's always great to see him. Robin said he has a lot of strains of income.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show the other day and they were interviewing some directors from Cobra Kai and they were saying that JD is on some director's list. He played a clip of the guys talking about how JD's name shows up on this list and they're always shocked. They said they saw JD grow up on the show and they see his name on that list at this Hollywood agency.
Howard said he's not sure if JD is thrilled that his name is on that list. JD said he doesn't have a credit on that show he directed. He said he wasn't part of the guild. Robin said ''Oh boy.'' JD said he has people laughing at him back there so it'd distracting. Howard said he's on this list because he got a charity directing gig on ''It's Always Sunny...'' He said he had a guy there watching everything he did there. JD said it was very odd. He said he doesn't know if he ever got any offers. Howard said he hasn't really directed.
Gary said the rumor mill is that he directed the scene and they came in and redirected it. JD said what aired was what they shot. Howard said Betty Thomas let him direct a scene. He said that he knew he had her there in case he fucked it up. He said he doesn't remember what he did. He said it was some scene he was in. He said he may have blocked it or something but he's not sure if he even did that.
Howard said he went around saying he directed 3 scenes. He said Betty was like ''You douche bag...'' Howard said he never saw the show JD directed. He said they were very sweet about giving JD the shot. He said he's heard the show is very funny. JD said it's one of the longest running comedies ever.
Howard said it's like letting a special Olympics kid throw a pitch at a game. JD said they were shooting a different episode at the time and they crow barred this scene into a Friday afternoon so he could do it. He said he felt bad about it.
Howard said he's like a little retarded kid. JD said come on. Howard said directing TV isn't that hard. He said the real director has it down cold. JD said they bring in different directors for episodes. He said the crew is the same though. Howard said it's kind of built into the show.
Howard said it's like driving a car when you're a kid and you sit on your father's lap. He said he never got to do that. He said his father would never let him drive like that. He said he had it wait until he was in 11th grade. He said he had a diving instructor who was a real fuck face. He said this guy told him to turn on the car and drive. He said he had no idea how to do that. He said he was there to learn but they expected him to know how.
Howard said he didn't know how to turn on the car. Robin said he had to know that. Howard said he didn't have any interest in cars. He said his friend Lou knew how. He said he thought they were going to be totally free. He said nothing changed for him once he got his license. He said he totaled his father's car though. He said it was his Montego. He said he came home and told his father that he was going to flunk his class. He said his father had to teach him how to drive.
Howard said his father taught him but he hated him. He said he had to do it though. He said he could have told him he was going to have someone drive him some day and his father would have told him to shut up.
Howard said the point was that JD is on some list of directors. He said JD went home to Ohio to visit his family while they were on vacation. He said he bought 4 tickets to a Reds game out here. JD said he took his dad and his wife and his own wife. Howard said it ran about a thousand bucks. JD said his dad did it for him and he did it back for him.
Howard asked where they sat. JD said it's right behind home plate in the diamond club. Howard said imagine JD sitting there. He did his JD impression talking about getting his buffet.
Howard said JD was pissed that the buffet had a long line. JD said here was a guy taking pictures of the food in line. He said he asked the guy what the hell he was doing. JD said he had some fish and some potatoes. that led to Howard and Fred doing their JD voices and goofing on him about ordering his food.
Howard asked if he went up for seconds. JD said he didn't because the line was so long. He said by the time they finished they were out of time. He said they keep it open an hour after first pitch. He said he could have gone back but he wanted to watch the game. JD said when you sit there you can order food from a menu in the diamond club. He said that's free too. Howard said no wonder people are so fat in this country.
Robin asked if there were tables there. JD said there were but you could stand too. Howard laughed.
Robin asked what else he did out there while he was on vacation. Howard said don't do dumb shit with your money. He said keep saving and saving to prepare. He said before you know it you're old and you have no money. He said JD is doing the $1,000 dance at the Red game. Howard asked if he bought any souvenirs. JD said he bought a cap for $30. JD said he doesn't spend money all the time. He said he was out in Ohio so he bought some stuff. He said he went to church out there too. He said his dad is religious. Howard said he didn't think JD was. JD said he's not. He said his dad is into god and stuff right now. He said it was off and on for him but now he's on. He said his dad doesn't push it on him.
JD said his dad said there's nothing wrong with going to church. He said he knows. He did go to church and they talked about death the whole time because it was Easter. He said he got to think about that for about an hour. Robin asked what he wore to church. JD said he was wearing a button down shirt. Howard asked if he wore a suit. JD said he didn't bring one. He said this was a hipper kind of church.
Howard said he heard JD sang. JD said he didn't sing this time. He said he did as a kid. Fred did his impression of JD singing. Howard asked if he just stood there. JD said he did. He said it was like a Christian rock song.
Howard said they thought JD was speaking in tongues. He did his JD voice mumbling as the speaking in tongues. Fred did some of that too.
Howard said he heard he rode a Ferris wheel out there. JD said he did. He said his wife wanted to go on it. He said it was one of those big ones. Howard asked if there were just kids on it. JD said there were some other adults on it.
Howard said his dad will probably go to heaven. He said good for him. Robin said there is no heaven. Howard said there are people who believe. Howard said someone thought JD's wife was his sister and she had her mentally challenged brother with her on the Ferris wheel. Howard said they asked her how long she's been attending to her slow brother.
Robin asked if he stayed with the family. JD said they got a hotel. Howard asked what the weekend cost him. JD said he had to get a room at a hotel because his dad's house isn't that big. Howard asked what he spent. JD said it was probably a couple grand. Howard said that's what he's saying. Howard asked what he spent on dinners and stuff. JD said it wasn't that much. Howard asked if he spent $3,500. JD said it wasn't that much. He said his dad picked up some of the stuff. He said he ma have picked up the most.
Howard asked if JD has anything in savings. JD said he has some money in his checking account. He said he doesn't have a savings account. He said he ash a 401K. Howard said he's telling him that all of his money is in checking. JD said most of it. He said he's building a savings account but it's going slowly. Howard said they could have saved that 3 grand for that. JD said he wanted to see his family. Howard said how about paying for the plane tickets and they pay for everything else. Howard asked what hotel he stayed in. JD said it was a Radison or something. Robin said he should be in a Motel 6. Howard said he's a big shot over there.
Howard asked what he has in his 401K. JD said he doesn't want to get into that. He said his wife set up this thing and he's tried to put some into it. He said it's not a lot. Howard asked if she makes money. JD said not a lot. Howard said he has to have a talk with him after the show. He said he'll sit down with him for a couple of minutes. JD said it's fine, they don't have to. Howard said he has to ask JD a question now. He asked if he's concerned about him retiring at all. JD said sure. He said he's not sure where he would go. Howard said that's what he's talking about. JD said he thinks he could get something for sure. Howard said he knows for sure. He asked if he would live there in New York. JD said he would rather not. He said it's so expensive to live there. Robin asked where they could do what he wants to do other than there or L.A. She said they're both expensive.
Howard said he thought JD was saving his money after that stripper talk he had with him. He said he wastes his time with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard why he's goofing on JD about his 30 dollar cap when he has a 9 million dollar TV that he can't work. Howard said he has money in savings and JD doesn't. He said JD has to watch his money. The caller said he had to go see his family. Howard said he could have stayed in his dad's house. He said he shouldn't spend all of that money on going to see a game. He said he can spend it if he wants to. He said let the good times roll. He said it'll be a good time when he's living out of his car.
Howard and Fred did more of their JD voices goofing on him about not staying at his dad's house. Howard said he's living like every day is his last day. He said he sat him down and the lecture goes in one ear and out the other.
Howard asked where they can go next. JD said he has his honeymoon coming up. He said he's going to Napa. He said they space things out. Howard asked why he has to go to Napa. JD said that's where he wants to go. Howard said he has to build a nest egg. He said he's warning him with peace and love that he has to build a nest egg. Robin said they've been married like 5 years now so they don't need a honeymoon. JD said leave him alone. Howard said do what you want. He said he shouldn't be spending that kind of money on a trip. He asked what it's going to cost him. JD said enough. Howard asked how long he's going to be there. JD said it's a couple of places. Gary said it's one of the most expensive places to go. JD said he's not going to buy wine. Robin said it's not about the wine. JD said they know how to work things out frugally.
Howard asked what the tickets cost. JD said he doesn't remember. Robin said there's not a McDonald's in Napa. Howard said he has to show off this big lifestyle out there. He said JD is showing off. JD said he wants to go.
Howard said he should put that money into an account and let it accrue some interest. Robin said savings accounts aren't what they used to be. Howard said at least it's something. He did more of his JD voice and talked about spending all of this money.
Howard asked if JD has a plan. JD said not like full set. He said he has ideas. He said he has avenues. Howard asked if they cost money. JD said it depends on if he has to move. Howard thanked him. He said this guy has no plan. He said he talks to him off he air. He said he tells him to save the money. He said this is going to cost him like 15 grand and that could be in a savings plan.
Howard said he wants a lot of things too. He said he'd like to be 25 again. Howard said if he gets sick and the show stops tomorrow, how long can JD go without a job. JD said a couple of months. Robin asked with the honeymoon intact. JD said they would cancel that. Howard said live like he's going to die tomorrow. Howard said he has to take a break and stay on schedule. He played a JD song parody and then went to break.
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Howard said welcome to a Wednesday. He said he's very excited. Robin asked if he's excited. Howard said he's so excited.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how they can hear JD laugh if he has to click in. Howard said he can't keep his microphone on the whole time. The caller said they need to hear the laugh. Howard said he wants him to leave that microphone up the whole time. He said some people are annoyed by that hoot. He said he gets feedback from people saying they don't like it.
Howard said his new book (Howard Stern Comes Again) is coming out on May 14th. He said a lot of people were happy that he announced that he's on Fresh Air with Terry Gross. He said he should listen to it just to hear what show he'll be going on. He said he hasn't listened to terrestrial radio since they moved there. Fred said they're on channel 122 on Sirius. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard read some of the feedback he got about that announcement. Howard said someone told him yesterday that Terry is a better interviewer than he is. Howard read some comments about how she's really not better than him. Howard played a song parody about his new book.
Howard said they got a lot of response about Game of Thrones being too dark this week. He said a lot of people agreed with him. He read through some of that feedback. Robin said the cinematographer says that for him it was meant to be seen in total darkness. She said you can't have any light in the room when it's on. Howard said they were right about it being too dark. Robin said she shouldn't have to adjust her TV.
Howard read more feedback about the show being too dark. Howard said he sees this happening more and more on TV. He said it's these young punks who are trying to be artists. Robin said its a movement to have less light and lighting. Howard said it's terrible. He said he'd like to see the guy in the editing bay being told he didn't set the aperture right.
Howard said people did say that it wasn't that dark and his TV must suck. He said it doesn't. He said if you watch it in the dark you still have to see what's going on. Robin said not everyone can watch it at night. Howard said Jon Hein loved the episode and that was stunning to him.
Robin said Jon made a mistake yesterday. She said she did some research and she found that Bran did nothing but fly around. Howard said this person agreed with Jon about the episode.
Howard said a lot of people loved High Register Sean on the show. He said Jimmy Kimmel wants him on more. He said Jimmy claims that High Register isn't a good name for him because he's so much more than that. Howard read some feedback about Sean and his call yesterday. Howard said they had a lot of positive feedback about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she agrees with Robin and Gary that Napa is one of the most expensive places to go and she worries for JD. Howard asked what she spent out there. The caller said she was out there for 6 days and they got a lot of comps out there. She said each tasting was about $20-50 a day. She said that's just for the tastings. Howard asked what her entire vacation cost. The caller said for 6 days it was probably $5-6,000. Howard said that's what JD has to hear. JD said he'll spend his money the way he fucking wants to. Howard asked what happened after he talked to him. JD said he doesn't need this. He said it's a hassle. Howard asked if his wife got a hold of him during the break. JD said he's not talking about this. Howard said he's found something. Howard asked if his wife talked to him. JD said he has been. Howard laughed at him. He said she fired his ass up.
Howard said he's his marital partner. JD said thank you. Howard asked what she said to him. JD said she's not happy right now. He said he has to deal with that and his work.
Howard asked if he has to deal with her too now. JD said he can't deal with this. Howard said he turned into the incredible hulk. He said she really set him off. JD sad this woman is putting what she did on him. He said he's not spending a crazy amount of money. The caller said you don't have the option. She said this is just what it cost out there. She said she didn't even know what it would cost. She said that she just wanted to let him know.
JD said that he's sat at home doing nothing for long enough. Howard said this is kind of turning him on. He said he wants to know how his wife got him so fired up. Fred said no Napa no pussy.
JD said that she doesn't like their lives being criticized and no one else there is getting it. Howard said he's his son and he has to look out for him. JD said he appreciates that. Howard said she isn't thinking clearly. He said he has never spoken to his wife but she's not thinking clearly. JD said he's trying to put out all of these fires. He said he's trying to get through the show.
Howard said JD should go there and have a great time. He said he'll stay out of it. JD said he'll give him a full report. Howard said he doesn't care that he has nothing in his savings account. Howard asked JD Puppet if his wife is upset about this too. JD Puppet said that she's going to cut his cock off.
Robin said they have to rewind that and hear that JD yelling again. She said they need a replay. Howard asked if JD Puppet is upset too.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he got a verbal lashing for about 30 seconds. Fred was doing the JD puppet thing and having him go nuts like JD puppet Hulk. Howard had Hulk on the phone too. He was telling JD to save money for a rainy day. Then Howard took a call from fake JD's wife who told him to leave them alone and fuck off. She said they'll live on the street if they want to. She mumbles and hoots just like JD.
Howard said she has a lot of faith in her man. Howard asked if JD is having a heart attack over here. Robin said he just ran his hand through his hair and beard. Howard said his beard just told him to leave him alone. He said he likes that beard. Howard said JD puppet is all done. JD puppet said he's got dandruff in his beard now. Howard said he rubs that beard when he gets upset. JD puppet said it's very calming like when you pet a dog. Howard said he really went crazy. Howard said they have to take another break and get to High Pitch Erik. He said this will be mind bending. They went to break after that.
Gary said Jon is really pissed off at Robin about what she said earlier about Game of Thrones. Howard told Jon to grow up. He said they blew it and it was a horrible episode. He said the cinematographer should never work again. He said shame on him and the director and HBO for allowing it on TV. Robin said he also blamed HBO for the compression they put on it.
Jon said Robin was wrong about the ravens. He said he channeled into the ravens and he was doing recon. He said in the next episode they'll probably learn more about that. Robin said they won't learn anything. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about that show anymore. He said take that nerd fight off the air.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she knows Howard cares about the guys who work for him and that's why he was trying to help JD earlier. Howard said she hit the nail on the head. Howard said he read a book by Warren Buffet who knew how to save money. He said he collected interest on that money. He said he has told JD repeatedly that he has to save money. He said he's a high roller. He said he cares too much about these guys. He said he was telling him that it's going to cost them a lot of money in Napa. He said you do have to plan your future. He said life it too long for most of us. He said you have to pay for things.
The caller said she knows Howard is sincere. She said she's glad she was alive during this time with Howard on the air. She said it's been wonderful. Howard said JD is a punk. He said he tries to help him and that's the thanks he gets. He said the part he can understand is leave him alone. The caller said she knows Howard cares and that's wonderful. JD said he agrees with her and he apologizes for lashing out at him. Howard said JD's wife is angry. He said she's tweeting out now about the show. He said she said she only had 8 guests at her wedding to keep the costs down. Howard said he was just trying to be helpful. He said he must have overstepped his bounds.
Howard played another message where Erik was reading whatever people sent him and he had his TV on behind him. Howard said Erik even reads the stage direction in the messages. He played another one where Erik read what he was told to do in the message. He was told to raise his arms and he read the notes.
Howard said its not good when Erik goes off script. He said he was asked to help someone named Evan and he was being cyber bullied. Howard played the clip and Erik told Evan that he should kill the bully by stabbing him in the chest.
Howard said he has told him not to threaten people a million times. He said that some day he's going to kill someone and they'll be investigated. Howard said imagine sending that message out there to kill someone.
Howard said he tried to teach Erik a lesson by having a fake Evan call Erik and tell him that he stabbed someone to death. He said Erik was just happy about the whole thing. Howard played the clip of Evan calling Erik about killing the guy who he told him to kill.
In the clip fake Evan told Erik that he stabbed the guy right in the fucking heart and he did it. Erik said he's happy he did that. Erik gave him advice on what to do to get rid of the body and how to clean the floor with bleach. Evan asked how he can get the body out of there. Erik told him to call his buddies up to help wrap something up and put him in the trunk and then throw him in the water. Evan said that maybe he should chop him up. Erik said yes. Evan started up his chain saw and cut up the body. Erik gave him advice all along.
Evan said he hears police sirens. Erik told him to run. Evan said he sees an Uzi in there. He asked if he should use it. Erik told him to maybe talk to them first. Evan told Erik that they're going to shoot him. Evan told the police that Erik told him to do this. Erik said no, no, no... Erik said ''Oh no'' when Evan didn't answer him.
Robin said Erik is amazing. She said he didn't lose his cool at all. Howard said it shows how dim witted he is. Howard said he's like a criminal feeble mind. He said never take his advice.
Howard said Erik stayed on the line for 20 minutes after that. He said they called back and Evan was dying and Erik just talked to him like it was no big deal. Erik told him to try to hang in there. Evan thanked him for everything. He asked Erik to say a prayer for him. Erik did that for him and said he hopes he lives and nothing happens to him. Erik told him there's a new Blue Bloods this Friday. Evan said he's going to die. He thanked him again and said goodbye. He shit his pants after that. Erik just said goodbye.
Howard said you really get your money's worth from that Cameo. He had Erik on the line and asked what's wrong with him. He said he can't tell people to kill people. Erik said he has to stick to the script. Erik said he thought it would be funnier to do that. Howard asked what he would do if someone took his advice and really killed someone. Erik said they don't know where he lives. Robin asked what that has to do with anything. Howard said they can find him and he'd be an accomplice. Erik said he gets it. He said he can't tell someone to bully someone and kill them. He said if he tells them to kill someone it's his fault. Howard said that's right. He said he can't tell anyone to kill anyone.
Howard said never threaten to kill anyone again. Erik said he won't. He said he's going on vacation after all of these Cameos. Howard said go to Napa. Erik said he's going on a cruise with a friend to Mexico. Howard said how about saving a few dollars. Robin asked why he would save. Howard said this Cameo is great for C,D and E list celebrities to make money.
Erik said he's going to a dispensary to get some stuff on Friday. Howard said he's already forgotten what he said. Erik said don't threaten anyone. Howard said he has to go. Erik said he was going to call him on Monday because he was so high on his medical marijuana. He said he fell asleep snoring. Howard said don't threaten anyone anymore. Howard asked if he's high right now. Erik said he is. He said he vapes. He said he's so high he almost fell asleep in his coffee.
Howard said he has a woman on the phone who just murdered her husband and she needs some advice. Howard put her on with Erik. She said that she needs advice on how to get rid of the body. Erik told her that he can't help her with that because that's on her. Howard said that's what they told Erik. He said good for him. Erik gave her some advice on how to get rid of the smell though. Howard asked for one suggestion. Erik told her to spray the house. Robin said see, here he goes again. Erik said he can't help. The woman turned into a man with her voice going from a woman's to a man's. Howard let Erik go and said he was afraid he was getting involved in criminal activity.
Howard said he's fascinated with Sal. He said he would have gotten to a doctor so fast if he had this yeast infection. Robin said he had tried other things before the garlic. Sal said he felt like his penis had been stung by bees. He said he made this yogurt and garlic thing and put it in his bag. He said he poured it on his penis around 4 in the afternoon and it was hot by then. Howard said how about just cleaning your penis. Sal said he does. He said he gets it like once a year. He said it's a smegma buildup on your penis. He said it's also a lot of foreskin. Gary said Chris says that Sal's penis is disgusting. Sal pulled it out to show everyone. Howard said he just pulled it out like a mile long. Sal said he can twist it too. Howard said Robin has seen penises. Robin said it's too dark for him. She asked why it's so dark. Sal said maybe he's African American down there. Sal was twisting it around like a drill bit. Howard said it looks like a science experiment. He told him to go wash his hands.
Sal said he was told not to wash with soap down there. He said he has to just use warm water. Howard said he has talked to Tracy about it before and he just uses a Q-Tip to clean it out. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he has Tracy Morgan there. He said he stars in the show ''The Last OG'' on TBS. He said he understands he pulled up in a new Rolls Royce. Robin said look at that thing on his neck. Howard said he looks good. He said he has seen this outfit or the gold chain at least. Tracy said that he's representing his culture of Run DMC. He said that he's representing New Yorkers. He said he can tell you where he was when the lights went out in 1975. He said they robbed some store back then when he was 10. Howard said he looks good and money suits him. Tracy said there's nothing wrong with a little opulence. He said he got his GED so he knows that word.
Howard said he heard he pulled up blasting Prince music in his new Rolls Royce. Howard asked if he has a driver. Tracy said he does have a driver. He said he can't drive that Phantom by himself.
Howard asked if Tracy has those TV show people in his house to show off his shark tank and gets uncomfortable. Tracy said that's a 20,000 gallon shark tank. He said it's an aquarium, not a tank. Robin said it's like Sea World. Tracy said his daughter has stuff in her back yard that people don't even know exists. Howard said he has a lot of marine life in his house. Tracy said his great grandfather Jacques Cousteau turned him on to it. He said his father actually turned him on to it. Howard asked who the other three people are with the shark tanks. Tracy said he was just told there are 3 others out there. He said he's one of them.
Howard asked if he's a swimmer. Tracy said no. He said he's from the city so he doesn't know how to swim. He said he won't go in the ocean. He said he went to the pool once and shit in the water. He said he had his stuff stolen from his locker there. He said he went into the pool the next day and shit in there. He said a girl was swimming and the shit hit her in the head. He said they had to shut the pool down.
Howard said Tracy gets angry and goes out and shits. Tracy said he shit in the street too. Howard said he doesn't know if he got back at those kids. Tracy said he didn't care. He said he shit on a Slip and Slide too. He said he's angry about everything.
Howard asked Tracy about the shark tank again. He said he got into it himself for a while. He said he felt bad for the fish. He said a lot of them died. Tracy said he doesn't know what he's doing then. He said he has the right people helping him out. He said his fish are healthy and they eat every night. He said he feeds his fish. He said he doesn't feed the sharks or the moray eel. He said he has a guy for that. He said they come in twice a week to clean and feed them.
Tracy said he has a poisonous tank too. He said he has stuff in there that can kill you. Howard asked if that relaxes him. Tracy said it does. He said he and his daughter talk about it while looking at it. Howard said it must be a great place to grow up in that house. Tracy said his daughter is going to go to boarding school. He said he wants her to be a lady. He said she's going to carry herself like her mother and grandmother. He said her mother is doing a great job and they have talked about doing this but it's just an idea.
Howard asked if he's a good father. Tracy said he is. Howard asked if it's hard to be a loving father when he didn't have that in his life. Tracy said he is a great father. He said he loves his daughter and every guy is going to look at her with lustful eyes. He said he looks at her with loving eyes. He said she has to find that kind of love. Howard said he makes a good point. He asked how he got to be such a loving guy. Tracy said he got it from his dad. He said his mom had to get rid of his dad. He said he came back a junkie from Vietnam. He said that did it to him. He said the Heroin took him away from him.
Howard asked if he got upset with his mom about that. Tracy said he blamed her early on when he was a kid. He said he gets it now. Tracy said he was a kid. He said she had to raise 5 kids by herself. Howard said when his dad got sick he had to take care of him. Tracy said of course he did. He said he wants his kids to take care of him too.
Howard asked Tracy about his big gold chains. Tracy said he's representing. Howard said that's a big statement to wear that. Tracy said it's from his neighborhood. He said the chain is about $300,000. Howard asked if he's afraid to walk around with that. Tracy said not at all. He said he's like Diddy but he runs the city.
Howard asked if his stuff is insured. Tracy asked if he's the government. Howard said there must be jealousy in his old neighborhood. Tracy said he's not rolling the windows down there. He said he films the Last OG there. He said he brings hope to the youth there. Howard asked what night that show is on. Tracy said it's Tuesday nights. He said it was on last night. Howard said it's a very funny show. He said there are a lot of funny guys out there and they never could find the right vehicle for them. Tracy said it's simplicity. He said keep it simple. He said that's what his show is.
Howard said Tracy's father came back a junkie and he died from a dirty needle. Tracy said he knows he'll see him again when he dies. Howard asked if he really believes that. Tracy said that he just knows it. Howard said so many people believe but why isn't God making heaven on earth. Tracy said we all make choices. He said we don't blame satan for anything. He said we don't take responsibility for ourselves. Howard said Tracy thinks his father is living in some special place. Tracy said he knows he is and he has transcended. He said he knows he's living in a good place. He said if you love him then he loves you. He said there isn't shit you can do about that. He said you can only love Tracy Morgan back. He said women love him because he doesn't want anything from them.
Tracy said you can hate him because he has nice cars or a beautiful wife but don't hate him because he's beautiful. He said that's sick. Howard asked what his beauty regimen is. Robin said he is beautiful. Howard said he told him he was beautiful out at dinner one night. He said he loves seeing him out at dinner. He said he was wearing his jogging suit. Tracy said they were in the basement at that place. Howard said he didn't change for dinner. Tracy said he's thinking about getting some surgery and getting half his genitalia cut off.
Howard asked if he's getting carried away with things. He said they say that he came into the dressing room and they start steaming his face. Tracy said that's where the beautiful is. He said it opens your pores. He said that he only uses Noxema on his face at night. Howard asked if he has a special chair. Tracy said that's not true. He said don't believe all of that. Howard asked if that's true. Tracy said there isn't a special chair. He said he farts in whatever chair he sits in.
Howard said he has to thank Tracy for something. He said when he goes to the Knick games he treats him like he knows basketball. Howard said he has no idea. Tracy said he teaches Howard. He said he tell him what it's all about. Howard said he treats him very well at those games. Tracy said he's welcome to come to his house any time. He said he ash a bowling alley in his basement. Howard said he heard he has the billiard table there with the aquarium attached to it.
Howard thanked him for the invite but he heard that he invited bullies from his childhood to his house. Tracy said he did. He said he invited them and their wives. He said that he will whoop your ass now if you come to his house. He said he never got bullied as a kid. He said he wouldn't have bullies to his house. He said no one is going to bully him. Tracy said he's 50 now and he doesn't think about what happened in 2nd grade.
Howard said Tracy's brother was disabled. Tracy said his legs were weak but there was nothing wrong with his dick. Howard asked why his penis wasn't affected. Tracy said he'd have to ask him that.
Howard said if the Knicks hired him to do play by play he's be watching every night. He said he heard a clip of him yelling out ''Aqua'' during the game. Tracy said this player is as smooth as water. He said that's what he was yelling for. He said the players know what he's talking about. Howard said he yells out to the players and they seem to understand what he's yelling. Tracy said it's like being on the blacktop on the street.
Howard asked what's going to happen to the Knicks. Tracy had some thoughts on the team and how they could end up in the playoffs. Howard said he kind of likes that they're not champions because they get front row seats. Tracy said that's thanks to Dan. Both of them thanked Dan for those tickets. Howard said he thinks they won't get those seats if they get big. Tracy said Howard is Howard Stern so he's going to get them no matter what. He said they have their tickets and Spike Lee has his. He said that Whoopi has her's.
Howard asked if Tracy looks around to see who is sitting in the front row. Tracy said he's a fan so he doesn't care where he sits as long as he can see the game. He said he doesn't care where it is. He said it took him many years to get down there but it's fine.
Howard said he knows show business and he could end up not getting the front row. Tracy said he's fine with wherever he sits after they get a ring. Howard asked what they have to do to be winners. Tracy said the key to it is the front office. He said he loves Fisdale too. He said he reminds him of a young Vangundy. Tracy said they have to develop the players. He said the team will get into a fight and he'll grab an arm. He said he likes a guy who stands up for the players.
Howard asked Tracy if it's true that Lorne Michaels was the first white man he had auditioned for. Tracy said he had never worked for a white audience before. He said that he was taught that funny is funny. He said his father knew that the force was strong with him when he was young. Howard asked how he knew he was funny. Tracy said in high school he was funny and he got pussy. He said he was getting it at 18 years old and doing porno. He said he wore condoms back then. He said his father wasn't going to put up with that. He said he didn't give any remorse with the girls. He said there was a lot of gagging. He said that he did the brown eye. He said he was doing that at 20. He said he tore it up and he was gaping shit. Howard asked what sounds he was hearing. Tracy said the best sex he ever had was when this woman made real noises. He said he doesn't like porno noises. He said he doesn't like it when they say ''deeper'' when they know that's as much as they're getting.
Tracy said in high school his dick got hard. He said he could break a brick with that. He said in your 50s it's flaccid. He said it looks like the woman has a mouth full of Laffy Taffy or bubble gum.
Howard asked Tracy if he only wants to be with one woman. Tracy said he's off the market. He said he's just with his wife now. He said he won't get away with it if he tries to be with other women. He said he's not going to do that. He said he's not going to disrespect his wife when she stuck by him while he was in a coma. Howard said he must have women come up to him. Tracy said they know he has that big dick. Howard asked if he takes Viagra. Tracy joked that he did but then he said he doesn't need that. Tracy said he fucks like a grown man. He said he doesn't pull out. He said he has Walmart money so he doesn't have to pull out. He said he's trying to break Eddie Murphy's record. Robin said he has like 12. Tracy said he's trying to break that record with like 25.
Howard asked if he keeps in touch with Eddie. Tracy said they talk and they talk about fights. Howard asked if he really talks to him. Tracy said he talks to him all the time.
Howard asked if he thinks Eddie would ever go back to stand up. Tracy said he'd have to ask him. He said he doesn't talk about that with him. He said they talk about boxing. Howard said some people have to stay in stand up. Tracy said he knows guys like that. He said there are many comics who have to be in it. He said they do it as a service to you.
Howard said he heard a beautiful story about Tracy. He said he heard that when Michael Che was doing stand up Tracy pulled him aside. Tracy said he's very funny. Howard said he heard he pulled him aside and gave him some advice to get away from the microphone stand. Tracy said he told him to move it to the side and walk the stage. He said never neglect the audience. He said that's what you have to do. He said you want them to see you. He said don't lean on the microphone stand. He said you never saw Eddie Murphy didn't that. He said use the whole stage. He said that you have to move around.
Howard asked if music is like stand up. He said you see Mick Jagger moving around but in Oasis they just stood around. Tracy said he doesn't know if Che was moving around or not but he told him he has to. He said he loves Che. He said he got advice like that so he just passed it along. He said he's passing on his knowledge. He said Che is worthy of that.
Howard asked if Saturday Night Live was his big break. Tracy said he was on other shows before that. He said that he was on a bunch of shows before Saturday Night Live. He said that was his national break. He said that Lorne was the Millennium Falcon to him. He said that was it. Howard asked if he got the audition because people knew who he was. Tracy said Barry Katz helped with that.
Howard asked what he did to audition. Tracy said he did original characters. He said they were people he had seen in his life. He said if you see the audition you see it. He said that Lorne must have seen something. He said no one has been on Howard's show like him. He said no one is on Conan's couch talking about Planet of the Apes like he did. He did his impression of what that was like. Howard said that was a performance.
Howard asked if he considers himself an actor. Tracy said he's a funny person who can act. Howard asked about a big project he's working on and if he's announcing it yet. Tracy said not yet. Howard said he thinks it'll be brilliant. Tracy said it might be Oscar worthy. He said he just wants to do justice to that person. Howard asked if he has financing for the movie. Tracy said everything is in place. He said deals are being done. He said they're working on all of that. He said that they might see it by next summer. Howard asked why he's not talking about it. Tracy said he's trying to keep it on the low, low.
Howard gave Tracy some more plugs for his show and Tracy said he has old Asian women watching the show. He said he loves everyone he works with. Howard said the show is about a guy who goes to prison. Tracy said it's about forgiveness and second chances. He said they say that on the show. Howard said he got to work with Chrissy Metz who was on This is Us. Howard said Tracy plays a guy who falls for a woman. Tracy said there's a show about women who fall in love with prisoners. Howard asked how these guys do that. Tracy said after you get out you dump her and go get a job. Howard said Chrissy plays that woman in the show. Tracy said that's her thing. He said she only digs guys in prison. He said he had a cousin like that. He said it's a culture. Tracy said they know where their man is and they like it. He said his cousin said ''At least I know where mine's at.''
Howard said this is crazy behavior. He said a woman is dating because they know where the guy is. Tracy said it's just security.
Howard said you see a lot of young guys with their underwear showing. He said he has a friend who was a prison guard and he told him that it was for guys who show they want to take it in the ass. He said he thought it was because they take away your belt but it shows that you want to show other guys your asshole so they know they want to get fucked. Tracy said times are changing. He said he's not doing that shit. He said that his wife tells him he's wearing his kid's education around his neck. He said she thinks getting hit by trucks is a job. Tracy said he likes white women with blue veins in their titties. Howard asked if he really does. Tracy said of course. Howard asked if he has fucked white women like that. Tracy said he has. He did an impression of her laughing and coughed up a storm. Howard asked if he's okay. Tracy kept coughing. Tracy said that's how Blanche laughed. Howard said Gary ran in there. Robin said she's not sure what he was going to do. Gary said he was going to give him water. Tracy was still coughing. Howard said this doesn't sound good. Howard took some hand sanitizer to clean his hands.
Howard said his character on The Last OG is a chef. He said Tracy is cooking and writing cook books in real life. Tracy said he can cook. He said he makes whatever he can. He said that's the stuff that was in their house that he was making.
Howard asked Tracy about the massive amounts of sneakers he has in his house. Tracy said he gave away a lot too. He said he doesn't wear shoes. Howard asked why so many. Tracy said he just started collecting. He said that you don't ask a lady why she collects bags. He said dudes collect car tires. He said that they're an investment. He said he gives his sneakers away. He said he doesn't keep them in storage. He gives them to people who need them. Howard said Tracy wears the colors of the Knicks at the games. Tracy said he does. Tracy said he likes Dolan. He said he doesn't try to put himself into the game too much. He said he lets everyone do what they were hired to do.
Howard said look at you. Tracy said he's just living his best life. He said you have to live your best life. He said you can lay down and never wake up. He said live your best life. Howard asked if he thinks he's lucky. Tracy said he's blessed. He said he doesn't believe in luck. Howard said there are people struggling out there. Tracy said everyone has their own destiny. He said he's just filling his own space. He asked who would want to live in a world without Tracy Morgan.
Howard said Tracy won't do comedy with politics. He said people want to hear that. Tracy said he doesn't care about that stuff. He said you have to love everybody and forgive. He said that he forgave the driver who hit him. He said that's the way Jimmy Mac would have wanted it. He said he'd be too fucking bitter if he didn't. He said he just let it go. He said he can't deal with that shit.
Tracy said he's not spending time on politics. He said life is too short for that shit. He said that has nothing to do with him.
Howard said in a way it seems like there are a lot of comics going after Trump. Tracy said he can't live in that box. He said that's too small for him. Howard asked if he votes. Tracy said he doesn't. He said he doesn't trust any politician. He said he doesn't trust anyone who doesn't have a sex story going on. Howard asked if he ever hung with Trump. Tracy said he never did. He said he has a friend he calls Trump but he never hung with the President.
Howard asked if he watches Bill Maher. Tracy said he doesn't watch politics. He said he loves Bill Maher though.
Howard asked who the best stand up was. Tracy said Richard Pryor. Howard said he thinks Eddie Murphy was. Tracy said that's just his opinion. He said that everyone has their right to their own opinion. He said that he values Howard's opinion just not more than his own. Tracy said Charlie Chaplain did it in silent films. He said that's tough to make people laugh. Tracy said he got his physical comedy from people like Carol Burnett.
Howard said he loved his Alec Baldwin roast material. Tracy said he had some help with that. He said he had to get help because he's so busy. He said he has to stay outside the box. He said that's why he hits the streets. He said that's outside the box.
Howard asked Tracy about doing Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. Tracy said he liked doing that. Howard said it's great when Jerry asks you to do that. Howard asked about showing the Michael Jackson glove he owns. Tracy said he got that at auction for $45,000. Howard asked what he thinks about the people accusing him of doing stuff to them. Tracy said he was found not guilty on that. He said Michael introduced him to music. He said he doesn't care about any of that.
Howard asked if he's surprised Oprah gave so much attention to these kids. Tracy said he wasn't surprised like that. He said the last thing that surprised him was Trump getting elected. He said he's not surprised by anything anymore. Howard asked if Trump will win a second term. Tracy said he's not into politics. He said he doesn't give a fuck and that's a fact.
Howard asked if he was surprised by Kanye supporting Trump. Tracy said that dude is crazy. He said that he wants to move back to the south side of Chicago. He said that dudes is crazy. Tracy said that dude is asking for it. He had Howard cracking up about that. Tracy said that guy is going to walk around with a MAGA hat around the south side of Chicago. Howard said he's thinking outside the box. Howard said that's the Twilight Zone.
Howard said speaking of Twilight Zone Tracy is in one of the new episodes. Tracy said he has to thank Jordan Peele for that. He said he may be getting nominated for that. He said CBS submitted that. He said he's glad people got to see another side of him. He said that's outside the box.
Howard asked if he followed the Jussie Smollett case. Tracy said he doesn't like being lied to. He said that's fucked up.
Howard asked what the plan is and if he's hiding in his house. Tracy said he's not taking the train but he's out there. He said he's just not into that stuff anymore.
Howard said Tracy is out there doing it. He said he was almost a drug dealer. Tracy said he's still humble. Howard asked if he was a good drug dealer. Tracy said he was. He said he would pull the kids off the street if the President was in town. He said he read the papers. He said he was told to never give money to people who want money. He said you give it to people who want you. He said he knows everyone on the set of his show. He said he knows everyone's name. He said it makes for great TV. Tracy said there are grown men crying watching his show. He said it's touching people.
Howard asked if he goes on the set of the show and asks who someone is he will know their name. Tracy said he will.
Howard asked if he ever tantrums. Tracy said he will only purpose trip. He said he will ask why they're doing things. He said he wants the truth on his show. He said the truth is the fucking truth. He said we all have one mind. He said all women think alike. He said all men think alike he said it's one mind.
Howard asked if he gets emotional with his fish. Tracy said he gets emotional with his pets. He said there are old people who might be acting nice because they're getting old. He said he doesn't know what they were like. He said don't treat him like shit. He said treat him the right way. He said he's no one's victim.
Howard asked if he ever has sex in front of the sharks. Tracy said sure he does. He said no one is coming on his property.
Howard said Tracy has done it again. He said he taught them things today. Tracy said that what comes around doesn't go around. He said what comes around keeps coming around. He said that it might come back close to you so be careful. He said live with love.
Howard asked Tracy to give this guy he has on the staff some advice. He said this guy is uncircumcised. Howard said he's against male circumcision. Tracy said it takes time to get that skin back. He said it's about a half hour. He said he uses peroxide to clean his. Howard said he has a guy on the staff who had an infection. Tracy said he's circumcised. He said he didn't tell him anything about that. Howard said he must have been joking when he told him that. Tracy said he does use Armorall on the head. He said he shines that up. Howard asked how big he is. Tracy said he's 3... 3 inches off the ground. He said his shit is pretty. He said it looks like a baby arm holding an apple. He said it's bulbous and women like that. Howard asked if Robin likes that. Robin said she doesn't know about bulbous. She said that she wants everything to be where it should be. Tracy asked her to say bulbous. She said it for him and got him to laugh.
Howard asked Tracy about playing a carton character. Tracy said he plays Captain Caveman. He said he did that for his baby. Howard asked if he's in the other room with actors when they record that. Tracy said no. He said he hasn't done that yet. Howard said his father recorded those actors back in the day and they had them all in the room together. Tracy said it's a different time.
Howard said he'd think you'd want to play off other people. Tracy said that's just the way they do it now. He said he leaned on Saturday Night Live. He said that you think you're funny until you get there to Saturday Night Live. He said you learn different funny. Howard said Chris Kattan was very funny. Tracy said they did a show with Fallon. Howard said it's weird how some people gave big careers after that show and some just fade away. Tracy said that you don't think about that when you're there. He said you just do your job there.
Howard said he loves Tracy. He asked if he's going to have a third season. Tracy said he knows he will. Robin asked if they have finished the episode. Tracy said they finished last September. Robin said Howard didn't tell her. Tracy said it's a great season. Tracy asked if she saw season 1. Robin said she did. Tracy said they're doing an incredible job with the show.
Howard gave him more plugs for that show and also asked about DAZN. Tracy said it's a pay-per-view kind of thing but it's less money. He said they asked him to be the face of it and it's very fortunate. Howard said he'd be happy if they made him the face of something. Tracy said go get DAZN. He said you watch anything around the world. Robin said she didn't know this because there's too much on TV. She said she didn't know The Last OG was back. Tracy said it's on at 10 and 10:30. Howard said it says 10:30 there.
Howard asked if Tracy watches Game of Thrones. Tracy said he doesn't but his friend David does. Howard said he loves Tracy. Tracy thanked him for that. Howard wrapped up after giving him more plugs.
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Howard took a call from Bobo who said he got the Shingles vaccine yesterday and he's so sick. Howard said he did too. He said you can be sick for a few days. Howard said he had that twice. He said you have to get two shots. Bobo asked if the second one is as bad. Howard said he thinks he got sick both times. He said it's worth it though. Howard said just sleep it off. Bobo said he's never had pain like this before. Howard said he had the same thing.
Bobo said he did a Cameo a couple of weeks ago and he had a dangerous Coral snake about a foot away from him. Howard said he doesn't care. He said he knows he just wants to plug that he's on Cameo. Howard said he hates that Cameo. He said he hates that they figured out a way for these guys to make extra money. They played a song parody about Bobo after that. Howard said that's a beautiful song. He said that was James Cargill.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said his birthday is tomorrow. Howard said happy birthday. Jeff said Tracy was great today. Howard said he really was. Howard said happy birthday again and let him go.
Howard said they have to get to news. He played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said that song was ''Suck my Dong'' sent in by Lionel Titty.
Robin started her news with a story about Kate Smith who used to sing God Bless America and other songs. Robin said that she was sort of a mascot of some teams over the years. Robins said that the Yankees are going to stop playing her version of the song after they learned she sang songs with racist lyrics back in the 1930s. Robin played some of Kate Smith's version of the song. Howard said she was a big gal. Robin said she was. Robin had audio of her singing ''That's why Darkies Were Born.'' That was the racist song they were talking about. Howard said she just sang that someone had to pick cotton and laugh at trouble. Howard said what a country. Howard said she's singing about how black people had a simple life. He said this is Mel Gibson's ring tone. Howard said he hopes he doesn't whistle this. Robin said she had another song called Pickaninny Heaven that seems to have been scrubbed from the internet.
Howard took a call from Kate Smith (Chris Wilding) from the grave. She sang a song about why she despises the Jews for Howard. Howard said she's got a million of them. Fred found her song Pickaninny Heaven. He played that for Howard. Robin said she sang that in a movie for kids who were supposed to be orphans. Howard said he was conceived to that song. He asked if you can imagine. Robin said of course she can.
Howard had fake Kate Smith back on the line. She was singing ''Chinaman Oh Chinaman.'' She was singing about why they can't drive. Howard said he thinks they got disconnected again.
Robin read a story about Alex Trebek who was on Good Morning America this morning talking about his cancer treatment. Robin said he has pancreatic cancer. Howard said it's got to be weird for him because Jeopardy has gotten so good. Robin said this guy has broken a couple of records. Robin said he has 19 victories and that's third place with another champion. Robin said he's wracking them up very quickly. Howard said he TiVos the show so he doesn't forget it. Robin had some audio from Jeopardy where this guy keeps winning. Howard said the guy is a phenom. Robin said he has won $1.26 million.
Howard said Robin has played Jeopardy and it's tough to get in that often. Robin said you have to wait to hit the buzzer. She said they lock you out if you push too soon. Howard said it's quite remarkable. He said this guy has this amazing season going and Alex has cancer. Howard said you know more people are watching the show. Robin said someone was saying people are getting bored with this guy. Howard said no way. He wondered if Alex is going to be alive for this guy's end. Robin said all of this season has been shot already. She said they stockpile a lot of shows. Howard said he thought they shot on a weekly basis. Robin said all of that guy's run might be in the can. Howard said he didn't know that. He said someone will squeal. Robin said when Ken Jennings was on no one ever leaked that. Robin said they know how to keep it quiet. Robin said they are stockpiling more episodes for next year. She said Alex said he would keep doing it.
Howard said this guy James Holzhauer is something else. He said he's a gambler but he's very smart. He said it makes him feel good that someone can be that smart. Howard asked if Fred is watching. Fred said he might be too intimidated. Robin said you can go on a run and rack up a lot of points. Robin said that guy makes sure you can't do that. Gary said he almost lost the other night. He said he ended up running the board and came back easily. Howard said Jeopardy has banned people from bidding $69 or $666. Robin asked why they would do that. She said who cares if they do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who mumbled out something about JD and Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. He said he has to get his shit together. Howard said this is what he sounds like. He did an impression of him mumbling out his comment. Howard had him repeat himself. He did that and mentioned ''Meg Tillis'' who Howard figured out was Mel Tillis. Howard asked what drugs that guy is taking over in Jersey. He said he must be on that CBD stuff. He said what he's saying is that when JD yelled at him he didn't stutter. Howard played a clip of JD yelling at him earlier. Howard said the guy had a good point.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that guy on Jeopardy said that he can learn more from children's books because it's easier to read. He said the guy just stands there too. He said he's like Mr. Spock. Howard said Ralph still has that cold. Ralph said it's just allergies. He said the doctor gave him allergy medicine. Howard said put some yogurt and garlic on his cock. Ralph said what a retard he is. He said he put that stuff on his cock. Howard said Fred dipped his cock in a bundt cake. Howard said they might have to put Ralph down. He hung up on him as he was about to say something. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had more about Alex Trebek. Robin had audio of him talking about his cancer and how he's doing with that. He said he has surges of deep sadness that come on. He said that he's a bit of a wuss but he's fighting through this. He said he has another Chemo coming up next week and they'll see where he stands. Howard asked if Robin ever got waves of depression when she was on Chemo. Robin said no. Howard said he'd be in the fetal position if he were him. Robin had more audio of Alex talking about how he deals with treatment. Alex said that he has good days and then things turn south on him. He said that he's afflicted with this and he's dealing with it. He said hopefully things will turn out well and he'll be back on the air this September. Robin said he sounds the same calling that game or talking about cancer. Howard said it's weird to hear him talking about that. Howard said he'd be curling up in a ball if he had something like that. He said if he does he's out of there. He said he won't be working. He said Alex is making him look bad. Robin had another clip of Alex talking about the time he has off this summer and how he has to get strong again. He said he feels so weak after Chemo. He said that's not a good place to be. Howard said he is on TV with her doing this interview. He said he can't be that weak. Howard wished that he could have a good attitude like that. Robin said maybe Howard needs something like that in his life. Howard said no way. He said he can't handle that. Robin said you don't know what you can handle until you have to do it. Howard said he wants to live forever but he also wants it to be all over. He said those are the conflicting thoughts in his head.
Robin read a story about Oprah talking about why she's no longer on 60 Minutes. Howard said he didn't even know. Robin said she was on earlier this year but she never comes up now. Howard said he hates to get in her head but it seems to him that she can't say no to anything. He said she walked away from her TV show and that was successful. Howard said they had her do something there at Sirius. Howard said she made a deal with Apple. He said she already has a TV network. He said she's barely giving anything to her own network. He asked when you say no. Howard wondered if she's aware of that. Robin said she has said no to things. She said she doesn't want to do more acting. Howard said it's weird that she had a deal there and never showed up. He said she doesn't do that much content with her in it. He said she just can't say no and she seems to want everything.
Robin said Oprah quit 60 Minutes because she says they wanted to make her over and she didn't feel comfortable. Robin said they had her say her name 8 times for when she says ''I'm Oprah Winfrey'' in the show. Robin said they wanted her to be a drone on the show. Howard said he was a victim of that when they tried to get him to say WNBC the right way. He said they had assigned Kevin Metheney to him to make him quit. He said he had him do the WNBC thing to get him to quit. Howard said he thinks Oprah just takes on too much. Robin said maybe she should talk to Howard's mother. Howard said she should. Robin said Oprah said they wanted her to be flat with no emotion and she couldn't do that. Robin said then she was talking about other shows she might do on streaming networks. Howard said anything but her own network.
Robin read a story about Gayle King having a contract negotiation with CBS and Oprah told her to get what she wants. Robin said she's telling her to stand her ground. Howard said get a fucking grip and keep your job. He said that's easy for Oprah to give her advice. Howard said she's probably jealous of Gayle. He said he has seen Gayle out and they're friendly. Howard said she's not going to get everything she wants. He said the ratings blow on that CBS This Morning. He said you're not going to get what you want. He said she can do very well without getting everything she wants. He said go out and find out what you're really worth. He said you can jack it up a bit. He said they will get rid of her ass if she thinks she deserves George Stephanopoulos money. He said everyone has their worth in the business. He said don't pull a Jackie and say ''We're the Beatles!'' He said you'll be living on the Jetty the rest of your life. Howard said Oprah was probably seething with jealousy over Gayle getting that R. Kelly interview. Howard asked how she thinks he'd feel of Fred had a hit show. Fred said she has a big representative at CAA. Howard went into his agent voice talking to Gayle about her deal with CBS. Howard was talking to Robin as the agent and giving her details about the negotiations.
Robin read a story about Pete Davidson walking out of a comedy show in Bridgeport, Connecticut. Robin said he got upset about the owner of the Stress Factory making jokes about his love life. Howard said he has to calm down too. Robin said the owner, Vinnie Brand, was told not to say anything about his former girlfriends and Pete walked out after Brand mentioned them before his show. Robin said you don't need that guy making jokes about your love life before you go on. Howard was still in his agent voice talking about this and Gayle.
Robin read a story about a bill that would outlaw almost all abortion in Alabama. Robin said they want to make it illegal to have an abortion if it's a rape. Howard said the nut jobs are taking over the country. He said that's what we need, more Alabamans. Howard said let people get an abortion. He said it has nothing to do with you.
Robin read a story about the 51 year old who put himself between the shooter out in California. Robin said the guy was yelling at the shooter so loud that it could be heard down the street. Robin had a news clip where they talked about the guy dropping his weapon. Robin had some clips of people talking about the shooter and how he appeared not to be a weapons expert. Robin said they also say that the victim's husband was trying to resuscitate his wife and when he realized it was her he fainted.
Robin read a story about two people who got HIV after getting ''Vampire facials.'' Robin said they got them at a place called VIP Spa. Robin had some audio of one of the victims talking about what happened to her. Robin said a spa shouldn't scare you.
Robin read a story about William Barr being on Capitol Hill today testifying in front of congress. Robin said Robert Mueller has said he isn't happy about the synopsis Barr released about his report. Robin said Mueller is saying he doesn't agree with the assessment of that report. Robin said now Barr will be testifying in front of congress as well. Robin had some audio of some people talking about what they want to know about this report.
Robin read a story about a shooting at the University of North Carolina in Charlotte. Robin had some details about that shooting. She had clips of students talking about that.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone as George Takei talking about getting a vampire facial. Howard had him on for about a second before saying he doesn't have time for this. He hung up on Sour.
Robin read a story about experts giving advice to people on how to figure out extremism that your child may have. Robin had some audio of a guy who gave some advice to parents about what to look for. Robin said you have to spy on them and go on the networks they're going on.
Robin quickly read a story about Jussie Smollett not returning to the show Empire. Robin said the show has been picked up but he will not return.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden's son who split from his wife. Robin said that son is the son who had a relationship with his widowed sister in law. Howard said that is kind of odd. Robin said that it would be kind of weird for your sister in law to date your brother. Howard said he knows someone who had something like that happen. He said the kids thought it was beautiful and it wasn't such a horrible thing. Robin said it can be kind of odd. Howard said it happened on This is Us. Robin said it happened to Jessica Hahn. She married a best friend of her husband who died. Howard said it's not that terrible. He said it's kind of sweet. Robin said it makes you wonder if he was lusting after her all that time.
Robin read a story about CC Sabathia who reached a milestone in his last game. Robin said he had 3,000 strike outs. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read a story about Bob Dylan releasing a box set that will have 15 albums worth of songs in it. Robin had some clips of his music but Howard only played about tone second of that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:20am.