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Howard started the show talking about how exciting that song (Great American Nightmare) is. He said he likes when Benjy screams it. He had Fred playing drops of Benjy screaming.
Howard said he has so much to talk about. He said the most startling announcement is that Alex Trebek has state 4 pancreatic cancer. He said it made him angry that he was so calm about it. Howard said he would be screaming about it like Benjy. He said he's a classy guy. Robin said he wasn't coming out of the doctor's office. Howard said he'd be weeping. He said he'd have to say that he doesn't want to go and someone has to have some kind of treatment. He said that's the worst kind of cancer to get. Robin said stage 4 is horrible. Howard asked if there's any early screening for that. Robin said she doesn't think there is. Howard said he'd sound like R. Kelly during the Gayle King interview if he had cancer like that.
Howard said Alex has been doing that Jeopardy thing for a long time. He said you know he took good care of himself and he still got that cancer. Howard said the guy doesn't do anything to his body like plastic surgery or anything like that. He said he raised the bar on everyone else. He said it was amazing.
Howard said Alex is going to keep doing that show. He said he's going to make Robin look bad. He said Robin kept working during her cancer. He said what a man he is.
Robin asked what he thinks he's going to do. She said they do a bunch of shows at one time. She said they could keep the show going long after he's gone. Howard said he works 3 days a week and he can barely get through it.
Howard played the audio of Alex making his announcement. Howard said he's so calm. Alex was talking about how he wants to be open and transparent like he's always been with his audience. Howard said he has had the guy on the show. Robin said she thinks she should write him.
Howard played more of the audio and Trebek said he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He said the prognosis isn't very encouraging but he's going to fight it and keep working. He said he plans to beat the low survival rates. Howard said he would be screaming that he's going and he has to see Robin's breasts. Trebek said he has to host Jeopardy for 3 more years so he has to get through this.
Howard said he'd be freaking out saying the world can't exist without him. He said it's all going to disappear when he goes.
Howard said that poor guy. He said he sure is classy. Robin asked how old he is. Howard asked Gary. Gary said Alex is 78. Howard said that's not that old when you're his age. He said he's going to say a prayer for Alex. He said he did the show once and Robin was on Jeopardy three times. Howard said Alex told a story about smoking weed or something. Gary said he thought it was a story about cocaine. Howard said it was something like being slipped a Mickey. Robin said she doesn't recall.
Howard said he would be so pissed. He said he'd be upset that Bill Cosby gets to live and he doesn't. He said he'd be complaining about all of that. He wouldn't handle that announcement the same way. He'd be saying he has that cancer and fuck you all.
Gary said when Alex was on the show he said he tried coke once and he didn't like it. Howard said it was probably that evil coke that did it to him.
Howard said he was sorry to hear that. He said he didn't like that announcement at all. He said it makes them all look bad. He said everyone but Robin that is. Howard said Michael Landon had the same thing and went on the Tonight Show to say goodbye to everyone. Howard said he would be so upset if he had that. He said he'd be demanding that Pat Sajak takes his cancer from him.
Howard said he didn't think Alex was that transparent. He asked if Bob Barker is still alive. Fred said he is. Howard said he'd be pissed about that. Gary said he's 95 years old. Howard said they say that only 65,000 people have pancreatic cancer. Robin said that's how many get diagnosed with it every year. Howard was going on and on about how upset he'd be if he had it and had to announce he was dying from it.
Robin asked if Howard saw what they were saying about Alex. She said he is married to a woman 24 years younger than him. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that. Robin said they've been married 29 years. She said Alex said he wishes that he was married to her longer. She said he wanted her through his entire life. Robin said that he did say that maybe she wasn't born when he was hoping to be with her in his 20s. Howard said better you met her when you met her. Robin said they have been married 29 years. Howard said she's a spring chicken compared to him. Robin said he couldn't have meet her earlier.
Howard said he would have been so upset if he found out this news. He said he doesn't recall Alex being transparent on the show. He doesn't get that. Howard said he'd be begging for help with this cancer. Robin said the quacks will come out of the woodwork if he did that.
Howard said he'd be begging for other game show hosts over him. He said how about taking that Wink Martindale or that guy who hosted Tic Tac Dough.
Howard said it's hard being dignified. He said he admires that guy. He said he would have been a mess. Robin said maybe Howard would be dignified. Howard said the least transparent show is Jeopardy. Robin said Alex has never told them anything. Howard made up some stuff that he could have told them like how bad his balls smell.
Howard said Alex reacted to not getting his commercials right than he did with this. Howard played a clip of Alex getting upset when he messed up during some commercial reads.
Howard said he mellowed with age. He said he would be freaking out over that cancer survival rate. He said he would be so angry.
Howard played the clip again and said he'd love to know what that guy is really up to. He said he wishes he'd be more open and transparent. He said that poor guy. He said he's so calm.
Howard said the bar has been set by Alex. Robin said she expects as much from Howard. Howard said yeah. He said he won't even show up. He said he just won't be there at work. Robin said she'd be asking where Howard is. Howard said he'd be shutting down. He said he'd pull a full on Richard Simmons. He said no one will know where Howard Stern is.
Howard said that Gayle King was good with that interview. He said she remained very calm. Howard had a clip of Gayle asking R. Kelly about how much money he has. Kelly said that so many people have been stealing his money. He said that he went to the bank for the first time by himself about a month before this interview. He said he was so tired of not knowing where his money was. Gayle said that's on him then. He said a lot of that is on him.
Howard said Gayle was really coming down on him. He said she was like his mom. Robin said she must have been used to a lot of tantrums.
Howard had some audio of R. Kelly breaking down during that interview. He was crying over paying child support. He asked how he can work if she's ruining his life. Howard said it sounds like he has a new song there. Howard played a song they put together using his crying interview clips. Robin said that's pretty good.
Howard played more of R. Kelly getting upset and crying over this whole thing. Gayle was asking for a tissue for him but Kelly said he was going to leave and didn't need that.
Howard said they were saying they had to give him anti-libido shots. He said maybe Anthony Weiner needs stuff like that. Howard said imagine what that would have been like if he didn't get those shots.
Howard said someone give Ronnie those shots ASAP. He said that's the greatest. He played another clip of R. Kelly saying he doesn't know how to hog tie someone so he couldn't have done that to anyone.
Howard said that was a really good interview. Robin said CBS was running clips all weekend. She said they even did a special over the weekend.
Howard said they had that story about the woman who got into Mar-A-Lago and ran that rub and tug club. Howard said he didn't know the day spa industry was so wealthy. He said they have billions in those salons. He said she's like the Koch brothers with tits. Robin said when you don't pay your employees you have more money. She said that's how the south had so much money. Howard said they figured out how to do it without paying their employees.
Howard said he bets there will be a big investigation into Trump over that next. He said that lady is in like 20 billion pictures with Trump and she's selling access to Trump. He said that there is something wrong with that picture. He said she owns nail salons. He said they're not saying she knew what was going on there because she sold that place years ago. He said it's not cheap to get into Mar-A-Lago.
Fred had some Chinese music playing. Howard asked where he got that. Fred said it was on some compilation album. It was like 2 hours of that stuff.
Howard said those rub and tug places are great for guys because sometimes all they want to do is get that shit out. He said that you just want to get out of there after that.
Howard did his impression of the women working at the Orchids of Asia place. Howard wondered when you can sell that off and go to Mar-A-Lago. He said that woman donated a lot to the campaign. He said she's in there taking selfies with Trump. He asked what's going to come out of that. Robin said you know she's being investigated now. Howard said they had 2 reporters on who are investigating that. Robin said we'll find out what's going on with her.
Howard said he imagines going to that place and the women aren't Miss America but they do jerk you off and give you juice. He did his impression of them jerking off R. Kelly. Howard asked about the anti-libido stuff and why they don't give that to Anthony Weiner. He said they should lock him in a room and chain him down like a guy who turns into a werewolf.
Howard said he used to go to a legitimate nail salon. He said they give the girls American names. He said they call them Susan even though that's not their name.
Howard said enough with this. He said he does like this song Fred is playing though.
Howard said Tom Seaver got fucked over by the Mets. He said the team loved him and he went in for a raise and someone wrote an article about how greedy he is. He said he left the Mets when that got out. He said he was just trying to market his skills and he had to leave because that story was leaked. He said Seaver asked to be traded. He said the Mets fell apart after that. He said the kicker was that the writer of that article asked for more money and ended up leaving for another paper. Howard said never listen to the trolls. He said Tom Seaver is 74 and he has dementia. Robin said he doesn't have concussions or anything. Howard said he's 74. He said that's what happens. He said you get older and shit happens.
Robin said they were talking about Peter Frampton and how that stuff just happens when you get old.
Howard said if you see him walk in there looking super hot Robin will know. She said she won't even have to ask. Howard said she'll be turned on by his hair. Robin said he really doe shave amazing hair. She said it's the thickness and the color. Howard said it is getting more grey. He said there are a few more in there. Robin said he's like Samson. Howard said his grandfather had hair like his well into his 80s. He said then it started to turn grey.
Robin said she saw that Babe Ruth's daughter is still alive at 102. Howard said she was adopted though. Robins said Babe had adopted her and her sister.
Dan said he went to a prostitute for the first time in Thailand. He said he has a quick story about that. Howard asked if it was a lady or a lady boy. Dan said it was a lady. He said he went to this place with this guy who asked if he wanted a nice girl. He said he was super high and went. Howard asked how old he is. Dan said he's 36. He said he went out for drinks first. He said he does okay in his personal life. He said he just got out of a long relationship. Howard said he's lucky he didn't end up in a tub with ice and his kidney missing. Dan said that happens in Mexico, not Thailand.
Robin asked if this woman was legal. Dan said that she looked like she was in her 20s and she said she was 23. Howard said he would be so afraid of doing this.
Dan said he asked what she does and the guy told him that it was like 3,000 of their dollars. He said that they went out to eat first and they got some seafood. He said he was taking her back to his hotel room.
Dan said he picked this woman at a whore house and she left with him. He said he was trying to chat with her with his phone. He said that he bought her food for like 30 bucks. He said they got to the hotel and she was very cold to him. He said he was trying to do small talk with her.
Dan said he went to the hotel and she was eating while he was cleaning up. He said she was eating shrimp with the eyeballs still in them. Howard said that's crayfish. Dan said that's what it was. Howard said she must have smelled like that. Dan said she didn't smell at all. Howard said this sounds like a nightmare.
Dan said that he took his clothes off and the woman attacked his cock. He said she just wanted to get it done fast or something. He said it hurt a little bit. Howard asked if she was naked. He said she was. He said she blew him and then she was sitting on him. He said he laid her down and he was banging her. He said it was good and he was going for a while. He said he had jerked off a couple of times that day. He said he doesn't have that problem going too quick. He said he goes too long. Howard said maybe he needs an anti-libido shot.
Dan said he was going again and she was moaning. He said he wasn't sure if she was faking it. Howard said she was faking it. Howard asked how she left. The caller said they started arguing a little bit. He said he had an orgasm and didn't cum. He said he had thunder but no lightning. He said she grabbed his cock and said he didn't cum. He said she told him that he came so that was it. He said she told him they could go 2 hours or until he came. He said he gave her another 30 or 40 bucks and they went longest and he wasn't able to cum. He said that he let her go and she bowed and left.
The caller said he went to a massage parlor two days before that and it was a fantastic time. He said he had jerked off two times that day too. Dan said she touched him in every angle. He said he wasn't even looking for that. He said this woman asked if he wanted a special massage. He said everything was very cheap there. He said he recorded her because he was fascinated with her. He said she looked very young. He said she had braces. She said she was 30 though. He said you can't tell. He said she looked younger than the 22 year old.
Howard thanked Dan for the call. He said he has turned him off to paying for sex. Howard let him go after that.
Howard had Fred play more of that Chinese music and made up some conversations he could have with those women who jerked Dan off. Howard said he's so glad he didn't have sons. He said they'd get busted at these places. He said this song Fred is playing was recorded while giving a hand job. He said that's why it's so good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the new Marvel movie has everything filmed in the dark. He said it's awful. Howard said this has been going on for like 20 years. He said the trailer for the next season of Game of Thrones is all in the dark. He said you can't see a thing. He said it's pitch black. He said it's these fuck heads who go to directing school and are trying to be artists. The caller said at the theater it's even worse. Howard said it's a comic book movie that he wants to see. Robin said the Umbrella Academy is like that too. She said it's very hard to see. The caller said that it was like that on the Walking Dead too. Howard said that's right. He said the caller is right about that and shame on them.
The caller said the movie was good but he wanted to walk out because of that dark stuff. He said you're used to having it bright at home. Howard said they know how to shoot in the dark and still have you see. Robin said they used to do that all the time. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't take it anymore about his hair. He said he has to come out of the closet. He said that he's jerking off to Tranny porn and all of that. Howard said he doesn't do that. The caller said he said that once. Howard said he had sex with his wife last night. The caller said of course he did. Howard said they just spent an hour talking about hand jobs. He asked how that's gay.
The caller, Dan, said he went to the humane society and got a puppy and now his landlord is charging him for having a pet after he rented. Howard let that guy go after that.
Howard said they have this Last Wack Packer Standing thing they're going to do. He said Bobo has been waiting on the phone since 7. He said he's been waiting an hour and 15 minutes. Bobo said he always get a jump on it. Bobo said they are so masterful with those puppets they had last week. He said everyone has to tune in and see them on the app. Howard said Bobo's favorite form of entertainment is puppets. He said they have a new Ronnie and JD puppet. He said you can view it in all its glory on the app.
Howard said no one has more time to waste than the Wack Pack. He said what they attempted to do was find out who has the least going on with their time. He said they conference called a bunch of Wack Packers and they wanted to see who would stay on the longest and who would hang up first. Howard said he wasn't sure who would hang up first but he did know who would last the longest. He said they had Jeff the Drunk, Tan Mom, High Pitch Erik, Bobo, Bigfoot and Medicated Pete on at the same time. He said they didn't tell them what it was. He said they just called and let them talk.
Howard said it was a social experiment. He said that the call lasted 34 minutes. He said this is the start of it. He said the first person who bailed did it at 42 seconds. Howard said it was Jeff the Drunk. He said he got upset that they were asking him questions. Howard played the start of it and everyone was talking over each other. Jeff was being asked questions and he freaked out over that and hung up. Howard said that's so weird. He said he gets jealous of Jeff's life. He said that he sits home watching the Price is Right.
Howard said Tan Mom was the next one to jump ship. He said she was out at 13 minutes. He said High Pitch Erik was being the usual disgusting self. He played a clip of Erik asking if he can fuck her this weekend. Tan Mom bailed a short time later. Howard said he was praying that they would hook up so they'd have a new Wack Packer.
Howard said Bigfoot can't hear anything. He said he keeps saying he's there. He said 26 minutes in it was Erik's turn to bail out. He said it sounded like he got hit by a car. Howard played the clip where Erik was freaking out yelling at someone in their car. Howard said that was 26 minutes.
Howard said Bigfoot was the next one to bail out. He said they still have Bobo and Medicated Pete in there. He said you can hear him just barely. He said this was at 27 minutes when Bigfoot bailed. He just said bye but he stuck around while Pete asked how he's doing. Bigfoot kept saying goodbye as long as they were asking him questions.
Howard said since that call Bigfoot's phone has been disconnected. He said they can't get in touch with him. Howard said he predicted that Pete was going to last the longest. He said Bobo lasted 30 minutes. He said there's not much to do when you're Bobo. He said Pete doesn't let people go though. Howard played the clip of Bobo trying to say goodbye to Pete. Pete kept saying bye to Bobo and Bobo stayed on for a while doing that.
Robin asked how long Pete stayed on by himself. Howard said funny she asks. He said he stayed on talking to himself for four minutes. He said this is a taste of it. He played some audio of Pete talking to himself. He was asking if Bobo is there but Bobo was already gone. He had Pete talking to himself for a good minute or so.
Howard said it turns out Pete likes talking to Pete. He said everyone was doing their best Bigfoot impressions in this clip. He played another one where Bobo was doing his Bigfoot impression and Bigfoot didn't seem to realize what they were doing. Erik was doing an impression too with his low voice.
Howard said that's the loneliest chat room in America. Howard said in this clip it's Erik bringing up Donnie Wahlberg and threatening to kill people. In the clip Erik asked if they would make out with Donnie. Bigfoot said he doesn't even know who he is. Erik said you better not or he'll fucking kill you.
Howard said there it is. He said that was the Last Wack Packer Standing. He said they learned they have nothing going on.
Howard said they're going to play the full 34 minute call on Friday night on Howard 101. He said that will be part of the Wack History Month. He said all next week they continue that on Sternthology. He said that he will be tuning in for that. He said it's Watch Pack Month.
Fred picked up the Ronnie puppet and started doing his Ronnie voice for it. Howard talked to the puppet as Fred Ronnie and asked about going to Thailand for the massages. Howard said he wishes he could see him. He said they need a puppet screen there. He said Fred's arm will fall off doing that.
Howard said he got Ronnie fired up this morning. He said he saw JD when he walked in and said look at this guy. He said he's a big shot now. He said Ronnie got all fired up saying ''yeah, big shot!'' He said he got him saying that he's too good for them now. He said Ronnie agreed and they started a fight and JD had no idea what was going on.
Howard asked where the JD puppet is. He said he can get him involved now. Howard said JD said he has that exact shirt that the puppet is wearing. Howard did his JD impression with the puppet.
Howard and Fred had the puppets talking to each other. Howard was trying to tell a story as JD puppet. Howard asked JD how he's doing. JD said he's doing fine. Howard did his impression of JD talking to him over the microphone. Howard said JD went out and took a picture of a snowman. He asked about that and then did an impression of JD answering him about that. Robin said he's like a photographer now. Robin said he's always taking selfies. JD said they take pictures of nice stuff. He said he likes to be artsy. Howard did more of the JD puppet thing and talking to Ronnie puppet. Robin said JD puppet just got up and walked away. JD said he doesn't know who they're talking to. Robin said that's his move to walk out.
Robin asked what else is on his Instagram. Howard did the JD puppet thing and had him mumbling and unable to get an answer out. JD puppet told Robin that was enough. He said he had to go.
The caller asked who made the puppets. Howard said this guy in Brooklyn made them. He did more of his JD puppet voice.
Howard said that's Fred Ronnie and the JD puppet. Howard asked what Fred Ronnie did over the weekend. Fred Ronnie said he had Stephanie take out all of the dildos and got rid of the ones that are too small now.
Howard said he heard Ronnie went to Rao's over the weekend. He said he heard him in the hall telling everyone about that. Fred Ronnie was still talking for the real Ronnie. He said Stephanie fucked one of his kidneys out. He said that it came out his asshole.
Howard said it would be great if they started booking the puppet instead of Ronnie at the clubs. Howard said he heard that Ronnie was taking pictures in the kitchen at Rao's.
Howard asked if the guys are getting the puppet on camera back there. He said he's not sure if they have to raise him up.
Howard asked Fred Ronnie about his cock rings. Fred did his impression of Ronnie talking about how he gets them through security. He told Howard he has slipped them through by putting them around his neck and stuff.
Howard said the pictures of Ronnie at Rao's look like 3 grandparents celebrating their granddaughters birthday. Howard said look at that. He checked out the picture that Gary brought in. Howard asked where that came from. Gary said he thinks it was off his Instagram account.
Fred was still doing his impression of Ronnie and yelling about stuff. Howard asked what he's tweeted today. Fred Ronnie said he sent out a beaver shot covered in jizz. He said he had one of a woman squirting into a coffee. He said that was for Beaver Monday. He was making up hashtags for his pictures. Howard said Ronnie has tweeted 7 times this morning. He wondered what he has put out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they have thought about getting other puppets. Howard said they have. Robin said they have to have a Gary. Howard said they always have. He said they have to get a Benjy that's all blotchy.
Fred Ronnie asked the caller if his cock is all veiny and if he takes it in the ass too. He said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard asked why women put on a strap on with him. He said that's like wanting to be with a man. Fred Ronnie said he has Fred's hand up his ass right now. He said it feels good.
Howard said they could get a Pat Robertson puppet and a Bill Clinton puppet. Robin said they could get an Alex Jones puppet. Howard said he could do Les Moonves too. He did some of his Bill Clinton voice. Howard said how about puppets of his parents. Howard did his mother and father's voices for a second and then said that's enough of this. He had Fred Ronnie say goodbye.
Robin asked what Ronnie has tweeted today. Jason got on and said that they're kind of boring. He said he wrote ''Good Munday morning'' and he retweeted something of a meme with Ronnie in it. Howard said Ronnie does service his fans. Jason said that Ronnie responded to some people telling them to have a good day after they told him that. He said someone wrote to him have a good Munday and Ronnie wrote back to the ''U2 Duuu.'' Howard said that's his thing to write that. He said he messed up once and said duu and he's been using it ever since. Gary said Ronnie is out there yelling that he wants a Jason puppet.
Mariann was screaming and saying she saw the puppets on her big screen. She said you get the show from the app. She said it's right there on the app. Howard said she's watching them on the app on her TV now.
Howard asked Mariann how big a fan she really is. He asked her about coming to his dressing room and sweating like crazy. Mariann said she really was. She said that no one has ever called her gross but Howard can. She said she was nervous that day. Howard asked Mariann if she would have blown him if he asked. Mariann said yes immediately. Howard said he could have an R. Kelly kind of situation. He said he could have a sex slave. Mariann said anything for him. She said she gets so much joy from the show. He said the fans have to listen to the app. She said that they have to go to the app to get all of that stuff.
Howard asked Mariann if he would let her do anal. Mariann said she's squeezing her cheeks now. She said she doesn't think she could do that. She said she is a giver and not a taker so she'd have to give Howard something.
Howard asked Mariann if she would give him a kidney. Mariann said anything for him. Howard asked if he wanted to watch a dog eat peanut butter off her vagina. Mariann said she's not sure about that. She asked what kind of dog it would be. Howard said it's a friendly dog. Mariann said she just doesn't want to get bit. Howard hung up on her and went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy, Matt, and said he wants to let him try to win some money. Matt said he just saw the Letterman Netflix thing and it was great. He said his wife liked it too. He said that his wife said she learned a lot about Howard in that special. He said it was super endearing to her.
Howard said tomorrow he's going to make a special announcement on the show. He said he's been up to something and he has a secret project. He said he thinks she'll like it. Howard said he will be doing that tomorrow first thing.
Howard said he has to get down to getting this guy $500 cash. He said that they are going to play a Slurp or Deep Throat Game. He said this is where they have to guess if someone is slurping noodles or deep throating a cock. Howard said the money is from Zip Recruiter.
Howard said this one won't count. He said this is the first one where they get familiar with the game. Howard played the first clip and it sounded like someone slurping noodles to Matt. Howard had Fred lock him in on that. Howard said that's actually someone deep throating penis. Robin said she was with Matt. Howard said this is Lindsay Lust. He said give it a listen. He played the full clip that went on a little longer. Robin said she didn't think she'd be very good at this game.
Howard said now Matt has to get 3 out of 5 right. He said they won't believe the line of sponsors who want to sponsor this game. Howard said this is the second clip. Howard played the clip and it was noodle slurping sounding again. Robin laughed at that one. Matt said he's going to say that's noodles. Howard said he got that right. He said this is a woman enjoying noodles. He said that was Veronica Wang slurping noodles.
Howard said this is the next clip. He played a clip of a slurping sound and Matt said he thinks that is deep throating. Howard had him locked in on that and said that he was wrong. He said that was slurping noodles. He played the full clop and it as a guy slurping noodles in an ASMR video.
Howard said this is the next one. He played the clip and had the sound of slurping again. He played it a second time. Howard asked if that's noodles or cock. Matt said he's going with cock. Howard said he's right. He played the full clip of the woman making odd noises while deep throating.
Howard said he has 2 right and one wrong. He said he could wrap this up here. Howard said he is good at figuring these out. Howard played another clip of someone slurping and moaning and saying ''no.'' Matt asked to hear it again. He said he has to hear the girl's voice at the end. Matt said that has to be cock. Howard said that's a person eating ramen noodles. Howard played the full clip and she said that was a bit spicy. Howard said that's terrible when they trick you like that.
Howard said he has 2 right and 2 wrong. He said it all comes down to this one. He did the talk up like he was a game show host. He said he's down to two right and two wrong. He asked what he's going to do with the money. Matt said he'll do something for the kids. Robin said don't bring them up during this game.
Howard played the clip and had someone gagging so Matt said that has to be cock. Howard asked if that's what he's going with. Matt said he is. Howard said lock him in on that. Fred locked him in. Howard said he's right! He won the $500. He played the full clip and it was a woman sucking a guy off.
Howard said that's how they love it. He said good for you. He said Matt won $500 from Zip Recruiter. He put Matt on hold after that. Howard said goodbye and went to break.
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Howard said the religious people get into Trump but not him. He said that they want him thrown off the air. Robin said Howard can't end abortion. Howard said he believes that women have the right to choose. Robin said that he's not going to kick out the immigrants.
Howard said they have a guy there named Chris Wilding and they might kick him out of the country because of Trump. He said Donald wont talk to him anymore but he has to stop with the nonsense. He said they might have to lose Chris because of this immigration stuff. Howard said they are clamping down on everyone.
Howard said Chris is one of a kind. He said he's one of his top guys and he wants to work there. He said he's not taking anyone's job. He said they're in the middle of proving that he's unique and excellent.
Howard said they have a lawyer who says that his chances of staying aren't that great. Robin asked if she has to marry him.
Howard asked what's going on with Chris. Chris came in and said that he has to have that drink with Andy as soon as possible. He asked if he would marry Robin. Chris said in a heartbeat. Howard said they'd have to prove they're in love. Chris said he would move in with Robin. Robin said of course. She said she's not moving in with him. Howard said he can't even talk to Donald anymore. Robin said they have to get in touch because now they're being affected.
Howard said whatever they're doing they're keeping a lot of talented people out of this country. He said that Melania's parents were let in and they're wonderful but they're not as talented as Chris.
Chris said he understands that the details and rules you have to follow are tough. He said he had a meltdown the other day. He said he has everything there for his job and he has to count how many phony phone calls he's made. Howard said he played them the Rocky Pendergast stuff and they still want him to go. Chris said maybe he could hide inside Benjy.
Howard said there was a guy who got swallowed by a whale and got spit out. Chris said they'll have to call Live with Cathi with that one.
Howard said we need some sanity with this immigration thing. Chris said he was talking about this stuff with his ex and all of that and he's not even sure if Howard is going to be around in 2 years. Howard said they're trying. He said this fucking immigration is so whacked out. Robin said she would have married him if she knew this was going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they just have to play that interview they did with Andy Cohen and Chris. He said that was fascinating. Howard said they did tell the government that he has 7 inches. Chris said he'll let them measure him if they have to. Chris said that he brings this all to the lawyers and he asks if it'll help. He said he's trying to do stuff to help.
Howard said it's just a bummer. He said there are people who are there on work visas and they contribute a lot. He said he thanks god every day that he was born there. He said his grandparents made the harrowing trip there on a boat. Chris said this is his dream job. He started to break down crying over that. Chris said he never thought he'd be able to get there and work for him. He said to have to leave would just fucking wreck him. He said he's going to follow the process and do it on the up and up. He wants to thank Howard for everything he's done. He said he's getting choked up but he has been in his ear for over a decade now. He said he has gotten him through so much. He said people don't realize how brilliant he is until they work for him. Chris said the way he inspires people is amazing. He said Howard is incredible.
Howard and Robin told Chris he's been a great addition to the show and they appreciate what he's done for them. Howard said they have gone overboard with the immigration policies there. Robin said they're talking about Chris and not the boogie man. Howard said Chris is a beautiful person.
Gary said they have to get a letter from a big celebrity who doesn't work for the show. Howard said maybe Jimmy Kimmel. Chris said that they have to honestly feel that way about him and they have to speak in an honest way. Howard said he doesn't know why people don't realize he's brilliant without working for him. Chris said he is brilliant on the air.
Howard said he is disturbed by a lot of shit going on but they have gone overboard with this. He said in the past he would have been able to stay here. He said he's not sure what this nonsense is. He said this immigration mania is clamping down on everyone. He said it's just bullshit. He said a lot of people are going through this.
Howard said he and his wife have been doing this animal rescue and the past coupe if years they've gotten animals from people being deported. He said he's met them and they're lovely people. He said they have pets that they have to give away when they get thrown out. Howard said it seems like they're going to miss out on the next Einstein and people like that. He said it's heartbreaking to him seeing this going on.
Chris said he only has to go back to Canada if worse comes to worse. Howard said he's a realist and he knows truth from bullshit. He said this is bullshit. Robin said what makes America great is people who believe in what made this country what it is. Howard said we've gotten crazy. He said if Benjy got deported he wouldn't be so upset. He said he loves him too though. Howard said he hopes this all works out. Chris said this is a lot of paperwork and he is trying to do things.
Howard had Fake Donald Trump on the phone. He said they're throwing him right out. He said he can't be trusted. Fake Trump said they have to focus on the farmers. He told Mr. Poutine to get out.
Howard took a call from someone who said that they have to get rid of Memet and keep Chris. Howard said they are trying to keep them all. Howard said he's trying to take a shot at a career and he's not hurting anyone. He said there is nothing rational there. He said they're just kicking everyone out. Howard said they're presenting logical arguments but no one is listening. He said everything is fucked up.
The caller said fuck these right wing nut cases for calling in. He said Howard has logical arguments for this stuff and they still call in complaining. Howard said there is no room for logic in this country. He said he talks about being for the second amendment and people get upset with him over that too.
Howard asked if Benjy has anything to say about this. Benjy came in and asked if they have always had to do this. Howard said in the past they have been lenient over this stuff. He said now they're very strict and sticking to the letter of the law. He said they want you to have an Emmy, Tony or Oscar. Howard said it never was this complicated in the past. He said they're rejecting people now. He said this is a unique hiring and they're just saying no. He said there's nothing rational. Benjy said he thinks this will work out. Howard said he doesn't think it will. He said this is coming down to the wire. Benjy asked how many days he has. Chris said the current visa is up in late June. He said it takes months to get this stuff through.
Benjy said he wants him to stay and he'll write him a letter too. Chris said he doesn't have to do that.
Howard sang a Jonie Mitchell song and said Brandi Carlile covered it too. He had the cover to play a few seconds later. Howard played ''A Case of You'' a short time later. IN the song they sing about Canada. Chris was getting weepy over that. He said this should be their national anthem.
Gary said this was an exclusive she did for the app and it's still up if you want to check it out.
Howard said goodbye to Chris just in case things don't work out. Chris said he's crying and laughing at the same time. Howard said this lunacy has to stop. Chris said they'll figure it out.
Chris said he was on the phone with Ralph last night and he had to go to bed and get him off the phone. Howard said he should marry Ralph. Chris said he is getting to the point of loving him.
Howard said he has to stop the song. He said he's sorry for Chris. Chris said it's alright. Howard said he has been on meetings with this guy. Chris said he's sorry about that.
Howard had Ralph on the phone and asked why he doesn't marry Chris. Ralph said that's a legally binding thing. He said he's not sure what he'd get out of it. Chris said he's a great guy. Ralph asked if they could say they're kicking him out because he's gay. Howard said Ralph would be getting 7 inches out of him. Howard asked how big Ralph's cock is. Ralph said it's bigger than that.
Howard said Ralph won't marry Chris. Ralph said maybe. He said they'll have to see. Ralph said Chris seems to be dating the worst people in the tri-state area. He told him to tell Howard about how he saw the other night. Chris said this guy has something called Femosis. He said it's a medical condition where the skin on the penis is very tight and you can't pull it back. He said he went to yank on it and it didn't move. He said he's never seen anything like it. He said the more he tugged the tighter it got. He said it was stinky too. He said he's not sure how he even pees out of this thing. Howard kept calling it Memosas. Ralph said it's like the foreskin is stuck to the head of the penis. He said if you want to throw up look it up on the internet.
Chris said he actually did throw up. He said he drank and there was a smell there. He said it was cheese based. He said he did have to go throw up over that. Howard asked if this is helping the visa thing.
Chris said that he did lick the guy's balls. He said he had to run down the stairs and throw up. Ralph said he keeps bringing these weirdos to his apartment. Chris said that's because he knows there are no knives behind pillows and stuff. Howard said he has a lot of stories. Chris said then the guy wouldn't leave. He said he just wanted to be alone. He said it was already noon and he was like ''Dude!'' He said if he had a kid he would get him circumcised. He said you can have a lot of problems.
Howard said he has to wrap this up. He said that he's sorry about what Chris and all of these other people are going through.
Howard said Richard just Googled Femosis and almost threw up. Howard asked why it's so gross. Richard came in and said that it's only a tiny bit of the end of the penis sticks out. He said it looks so painful. He asked if he wants him to print it out. Howard said he'll pass on that. Richard wondered if they can cut it. Robin said there is a surgery that will help. Howard said he doesn't want to see that. He went to break after that.
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Howard said he just had to go pee. He said he was standing there and nothing was happening. He said he had to button and unbutton a couple of times. He said then he had to put tissues in there so he doesn't dribble in there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's sick of him calling every republican a hater. Howard said he never said that. The caller said he acts like it. He said Howard is a fucking liberal. Howard said he's not. He said he doesn't know anything about him. He said this guy is just for fucking abortions and kicking people out of the country. He said he's not allowed to listen anymore. The caller said he's for abortion. He said his wife had an abortion. Howard said he's a liberal then. The caller said he is not.
Howard said they agree that they shouldn't finance Jeff the Drunk's lifestyle anymore. The caller said he does agree with that. Howard told the guy to calm down. the caller did say that he has a hot wife. Howard said he's happy he said that.
Howard said that just wiped him out with the arguing. He said our country is so fucked up and divided. He said he just wants Chris to stay there. He said he's not anti republican. He said he's not sure the people in charge are even republican. He said it's a whole new world.
Howard said he's going to get to some stuff tomorrow. He said he has to get to some email. He said a lot of people liked the Tradio calls they played last week. Howard read some email about that. He had one email from a guy who owns a radio station who doesn't like those kind of calls.
Howard said people are worried about Sal and the medication he's been taking. Howard read about that and said Dr. Drew even called and told Sal to get on Lipitor to lower his cholesterol. Howard said someone wrote in about the red yeast rice that Sal mentioned. Howard read about that and also found out that Sal started taking Lipitor this weekend.
Howard said this guy says that the red yeast rice is something he took because he couldn't take statins.
Howard read some email about Fred creating the Baby Shark music bed and not telling anyone about it. Howard said there was a time when Fred did a movie and didn't tell them about it. Howard asked what that is. Fred said he's not sure. Howard said in all of these cases he didn't tell them about stuff.
Howard said a lot of people liked Peter Frampton on the show last week. He read a few emails about that.
Howard took a call from fake Sarah Sanders who was going off on him about being a liberal like that caller said earlier. Howard said he just wants Chris to stay there. Fake Sarah went off on him about that. She told Howard to suck her Femosis cock. She went off on Chris a little more before Howard let her go.
Robin started her news saying that Heidi Klum and Mel B won't be back next season on America's Got Talent. Robin said she saw Heidi in the paper today getting her picture taken. She said she knows how to attract attention. Robin said her legs were completely bare in this winter weather. Robin said they will always have shots of her. Howard said she knows how to get in the newspaper. He said this will not get her down.
Robin read a story about a man in New Jersey who left a $273 million lottery ticket behind when he bought it. Robin said he bought the ticket for the March 1st drawing and he left them there and returned the next day. Robin said the clerk had held on to them for him. Robin said he won $273 million. Howard said he should give him like a million. Robin said the man has said he will give him some kind of reward. Howard said it should be like 2 million.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he's so miserable all the time. Howard said he doesn't know. He said that's why he goes to the psychiatrist. He said he had a big breakthrough the other day. Howard said he's not miserable now fuck off. Howard said evidently this all goes back to his childhood. He said he's working on becoming his own man and getting out of this.
Robin rad a story about a woman who got attacked by a panther in a zoo after crossing a barrier to get a selfie. Robin had some audio of some people talking about what happened. Howard said he's always amazed by these stories. The clip that Howard had was a news report about the panther grabbing her arm through the fence. Robin said they used a water bottle to distract the jaguar. Robin said the woman was writhing in pain on the ground after that. Robin had an update about how the woman is doing. Howard said these people with the selfies He said that if you want followers you have to come up with more stuff. Robin said the zoo officials said you have to take the barriers for real because these are wild animals. Robin said luckily the woman was just scratched. She said they were deep but they were just scratches. Howard said they said they're not going to kill the jaguar. He said he's happy about that.
Robin read a story about Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez getting married. Robin said they had pictures out there of that over the weekend. Robin said this is her fourth wedding and his second. Howard said they're doomed. He said this guy is in for a ride with her. He said he's married twice and that's enough for him. Robin asked what you do if you find out she was married three other times. Howard said you say she's a nut and walk away. Howard said he was married 20 something years and now he's married a long time again. He said this is Jennifer's fourth marriage. He said if you're in a movie once and it fails they don't use you again. He said A-Rod has a whole new life with this. He said Jose Canseco is making some claim. Gary said he is saying that A-Rod is cheating with his wife while all of this is going on. Gary said that is coming from Jose Canseco so take that for what it's worth.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to congratulate Robin on turning down John Stamos. He said that's every girl's dream to have him. He said good for Robin for turning him down. He said that was the brick wall he hit. He said he hopes that drained some of that confidence out of him.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly and how there's another video out there of him being inappropriate with possibly underage girls and torturing them. Robin said Gloria Allred is representing these people. She had some audio of Gloria talking about the abuse in these videos. Howard said she seems to be representing everyone in the country. Robin said she does it all over the country too. Robin said R. Kelly was arrested and taken to jail and another donor stepped up and paid his child support so he was released. Howard said people want to hear his remix tape from earlier today. He replayed that song the guys put together with clips of Kelly freaking out in that Gayle King interview. Howard said he thinks Gayle King sounds a lot like Oprah. Robin said she's always sounded like that. Howard said he likes her more than Oprah.
Robin said Mayor de Blasio is getting some heat. She said that he was in a church flapping his arms up and down do the song ''I Believe I Can Fly'' so people are giving him a hard time about that. Howard said everyone is so nit picky. Robin said you have to be careful these days because everyone is watching.
Robin read a story about a 16 year old boy being forcibly kissed and groped on a subway platform. Robin said they have released some video of the man who tried to chat up the boy and then he just grabbed him and started mauling him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever remembers the good times from his childhood. Howard said he remembers nice things. He said he had friendships and his mom cooking dinner were good. The caller asked what she cooked. Howard said his mother was a fabulous cook. He said they were all fattening foods. He said she'd make mashed potatoes with chicken fat in it. He said it was good but it was fattening. He said he rejected her food for a while and only ate Chef Boyardee for a while. He said his mother would go off on him about that.
Robin said that Will Smith is getting heat over being picked to play Serena Williams father in a biopic. Robin said it's because he's not black enough. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said that you're acting. Robin said she's not sure what the big deal is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that King of All Blacks defends all abusive people because he's an abuser. Howard had King on the line and asked what he thinks about that. King said he's not an abuser. He said he had a problem back in the day but he doesn't now. He also said he's not defending R. Kelly. King was talking about the child support thing and these women who are coming out against him. Howard said he's not sure why he defends people like this. King said they have a defense and if he did anything with any underage girl would he still be out there. The caller said it was his lawyer who got him off. King and the caller were going back and forth with that.
Howard asked King what he thinks about Ike Turner. King said he was an abusive husband but a woman has an obligation to get out of the house or they're enjoying it. Howard said she did get out. Howard said the crown prince of Saudi Arabia is on the phone and he agrees with him. He took the call and the Prince was talking about all of these abusive people and how he likes these guys.
King said there are women who like everything about their man and some of them even like that stuff. The caller said that King's wife listens to him now but it must have taken a long time for that to work. King said that he doesn't do that stuff anymore. King said Howard could still tell Beth what's best for her and tell her no. Howard said he has to stop trying to control his wife. King said he knows what's best for her. King said the other day she wanted to go to the mall to get something and he told her to go to the other mall in Paramus. He said she got up there and it was at the other mall. He asked what he's supposed to say to her.
Howard took a call from a woman who said King of All Blacks did not watch Surviving R. Kelly because they did talk about why he wasn't convicted. She said it was because there wasn't enough women to testify. Robin said that the woman who was in the video didn't testify and that put doubt into the minds of the jury. King and that caller went back and forth arguing about that but Howard said thanks for that. King said women can't be weak and strong at the same time. He said that you can't brainwash a woman. Howard hung up on him and said that people who don't have a lot can be seduced by a lifestyle. He said that's what went on with the Michael Jackson thing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a suspect they're looking for in New York City who attempted to rape an 83 year old woman. Robin said it was in the Bronx. Robin said this man forced himself into her apartment by telling her he was there to fix a leak. Robin said she fought him off. Robin said he hit her all over her body so she has bruises all over. Robin said this is about power and it's not about sex.
Robin read a story about an Ethiopian plane that crashed shortly after take off. Robin had audio of a guy who missed the flight. He was talking about how lucky he was. Robin said 8 Americans were on that flight. She said that the NTSB will be sending people over to help with the investigation. Robin said China is grounding that fleet of all 737 Max airplanes to see what's going on.
Robin read a story about Paul Manafort and how he got just 47 months in prison. Robin said people were saying he could get life but he only got 47 months. Howard said the guy did some bad shit. Robin said the judge looked at him and gave him 47 months. Robin said the way the press was carrying on it sounded like he could be in prison the rest of his life.
Robin read a story about how President Trump will be asking for $8.6 billion for a wall at the border of Mexico in his news budget. Robin said that could cause some fights with congress. Robin said they'll have to see how that works out.
Robin read a story about how president Trump called Tim Cook from Apple ''Tim Apple.'' Robin had some audio of that. Robin said he claims he said ''Cook'' under his breath. Howard said he did not. He said Donald has to stop doing that.
Robin read a story about Jennifer Hudson paying tribute to Aretha Franklin over the weekend. Robin had details about the tribute and had some audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Justin Bieber going through a difficult time. She had Howard play one of his songs. Howard asked what he's struggling with. Robin said he's struggling with depression. Robin said he just got married. Howard said depression hits. Robin said he feels weird but he also said he will bounce back. Howard said everyone was banking on him as a kid. He said he gets it.
Howard said JD was saying that Jennifer Hudson's boobs were jut about popping out at that tribute show. Howard asked JD how he liked that. JD said they looked nice. Howard said he has to get his voice down for the puppet.
Robin read more about the Justin Bieber story. Howard ended up playing the ''I'll Suck Your Ween'' song parody that they did. Howard said he always liked that song. He said he hopes Justin does okay. Robin said she does too.
Robin read a story about a billionaire who died during a penis enlargement procedure. Robin said he was 65 years old. She said you'd think he'd be used to it. Robin asked why he would mess with it. Robin said the guy is dead now. She said he went to a clinic in France and things didn't work out. Howard said that's an embarrassing way to go. He said if he dies like that please leave it out of the news.
Robin read a story about Elton John writing and autobiography. Robin said he says this will be his own story in his own words. Robin said he's out on tour right now. She said that he has a biopic coming out called Rocket Man too.
Robin read a story about how the making of the John Lennon album ''Imagine'' being on A&E tonight. Howard said Steve Brandano sent him some links to some songs he checked out and they were really good. It was The Claypool Lennon Delirium covering some songs. Fred had a clip of them playing a cover of ''In the Court of the Crimson King.'' Robin said that's Sean Ono Lennon. Howard said that's Les Claypool and Sean Lennon.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said you have to see Richard drinking the wine with his ass on the app. He said it's so awesome. He said you have it in your mind but it's so much better to see it on video. He said Richard is doing that and then getting political about Amazon leaving Long Island City. He asked if they're going to show it without the pixelation. Howard said they are talking about it.
Robin read a story about a board game called the Slavery Game. Robin said this is in North Carolina and it's fourth graders playing the game in class. Howard said he wants to interview the teacher. Robin had some audio of a grandmother of a child who goes to the school talking about it. Fred played some Jackie laughs as they were talking about that.
Robin read a story about the movie ''Captain Marvel'' being number 1 at the box office this weekend. Robin said it made $153 million. She said that reviews were all over the place but it did well. Robin said How to Train Your Dragon came in second. Robin said Brie Larson showed up in Clifton, New Jersey for a screening of the movie. Robin said she's happy and enthusiastic about the movie. Howard asked what else she was in. Robin said she was in that movie ''Room.'' Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how they love Tuesday around there. He said he has a special announcement coming up. Robin said they're going to learn what this secret project was. Howard asked to see what Robin is wearing for this day. He said it looks almost see through. Howard asked Fred what he's wearing. Fred said it's the same thing he's always wearing.
Howard said Bobo is excited for this. He took his call and Bobo said he was tossing and turning all night. Howard said he heard his toupee fell off. Bobo said that's right. Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn is excited too. He took a call from her and she was freaking out so hard that she wasn't understandable. Howard hung up on her and took a call from High Pitch Erik who was also very excited about this announcement. He took an Ambien and slept right through the night though.
Howard said he does have a big announcement to make. He said maybe he should have some people in there. He had Gary, Jason, JD, Memet, Chris Wilding and Richard come in.
Howard did his JD impression and said he has been leaving out his laugh when he does the puppet thing. He said he has to work on that. He had Chris do the hooting laugh of JD's. Howard said he was yelping at very inappropriate places the other day. JD said they were appropriate.
Howard said he's going to study JD like the guy who played Lincoln. He said he'll be like Daniel Day Lewis. Chris kept hooting like JD. Howard did his impression of him mumbling. Richard said his hoot is different pitches too. He said that sometimes he'll let out a quieter one. Howard was working on it. Everyone was hooting. JD asked if he has an announcement to make.
Howard said the last 2 years of his life he has been tortured. He said he's becoming a woman. Robin said ''What!?'' He said his name is Caitlyn. Howard said his big announcement is that he's joining ISIS. He was joking about that too.
Howard said for the last 2 years of his life he has been taking up every weekend with this project. He said he has been tortured. He said he was never going to do this again but he has written a new book. He said this is his third book. He said that he swears it was torture. Robin said she knows it was. She said she didn't know what it was about. Howard said she actually did. He said he never thought he was going to do this again. Robin said she was shocked when he did that.
Howard showed the book with the title being ''Howard Stern Comes Again.'' Robin took a look and laughed at the name of the book. Howard said it just hit him that it could be dirty.
Howard said that is him looking pensive as an author. He said he was all dolled up for that. He said that is the name of the new book and he's excited about it. He said it was supposed to take a month or two to write. He said he doesn't want to make too big a deal out of this. He played a promo for the book that made it sound as important as the bible.
Howard said he reveals something in this book that he has been lying about for the last couple of years. He said it's the reason he wrote the book. He said he lied to all of you about something. He said that he had to do that. He said it's in the book. Howard said he needed to lie at the time. He said some of you had guessed properly and he will clear that all up. JD wondered what this lie was. Howard said it's the reason he wrote the book. He said he has been pitched a lot by companies for books and he never did want to do it.
Howard said it's a whole different ball game now. He said they weren't able to print them fast enough in the past. He said now you can pre-order it. He said people want the thing and it'll be out for Father's day. He said it comes out in May officially. He said he's making the announcement now. He said you can pre-order now so you can get it then for Father's day.
Howard said he predicts that the wives will like the book. He said this is about his interviews. He said he was going to put out one about his favorite interviews. He said he started writing wrap arounds with each one but then it was expanding into other things. Robin said this is why it bloomed into this big project. Howard said if he had just stuck to the interviews it was done. He said then he was writing for half a year and they weren't his favorite interviews.
Howard said people seem to like these interviews. He said then he was reading through them and wanted to get to a lot of things. He said he had Mike Tyson on the show and he told him what drug addiction was. He said that he read the transcript and he saw what he really said. He said that he had a great explanation for what it was. He said Mike said it's like you have to eat when you're hungry. He said that's drug addiction. He said he started pouring through billions of transcripts.
Howard said people have told him what their favorites were. He said that he had to comment on this stuff. He said he started talking about the process and his life and some of the things in his life. He said he had to write about what he was lying about and that's what led to this 2 years of his fucking life going into this book. He said the book company hated his guts. He said he wanted to keep working on the book. He said that they were planning to promote the book but he wasn't ready. He said they wanted to do it 2 Christmas' ago. He said he wanted to get this one right. He said he hated the last two books. He said this is the one he wanted his fans to read and evaluate his life.
Howard said Sarah Huckabee Sanders is on the phone to talk about this. He took the call and fake Sarah Sanders went off on him about the new book and told him what she wrote about him in her new book. She had a bunch of things about him. Howard said he wants to build a wall around her. He hung up on her.
Howard said he said for 20 years he wasn't going to write a book. He said he thought he had it figured out that he wouldn't have to give up his summers. He said it took 2 years though. He said he liked the idea of reprinting the interviews he did. He said he wanted to make a statement about things and it turned into more. Robin asked how many pages this is. Howard said it's like 590 pages or something.
Howard said people are already saying this is the summer read. He said you can go to any section in there and read it. He said one chapter is about his mom. He said he shouldn't have said that. Howard said that it's the perfect thing to read while making doody. Robin said you'll need more than one.
Howard said he fell in love with books the past couple of years. He said he thinks people will enjoy this. Robin said the interviews are very good and they have lessons of life in them. Howard said he's not even going to tell her about what he wrote. He mentioned he has the philosophy of life in there.
Howard said he's very excited about this. He said this is the capper of his career. He won't be writing another book. Chris said Howard looks hot on the cover. Gary said there's a 7 foot cover over there in the studio. Howard said he will talk about the cover in the coming days.
Robin asked if there will be an audio book. Howard said here will not. He said she knows how he feels about that.
Howard said he has to go out and do promotion. He said you can order the book today and you will get it on May 14th. He said you can pre-order and they'll ship it so you get it the day of the release. He said people don't want to wait. Jason said when you get it on Kindle you don't have to wait for mail or anything. Howard said he would suggest getting the hard cover. He said they took care in the way they made the book. He said he had thousands of samples to try out. He said they printed out sample books to test them out. Robin said it's like blue vinyl so Gary knows.
Howard said they have the book coming out through Amazon and other places. Howard said just search for ''Howard Stern Comes Again.''
Howard said Gary was shopping around for the book and it said that people also searched for Bounce laundry stuff.
Howard said today is the first day of pre-ordering. He said one person made it in the book 11 times. JD asked if it was staff or celebrity. Howard said it was a celebrity. Gary said that's JD asking if he's in the book.
Howard said he didn't dedicate the book to anyone. He didn't have anyone write the foreword for him. He said he wrote it himself. Howard said Benjy is mentioned 0.0 times.
Howard said they have the book on Target and Walmart for pre-order too. He said that Hudson Books also has a pre-order. Howard had a bunch of places to pre-order from.
Howard said he has to go out and promote the book and that's not going to be easy. He said he needs Robin to push him a bit. Robin said she will go with him. She said she wants to do this.
Howard said that the book is already marked as a best seller. Jason said he just ordered it. Howard said he wants to tell people what's in the book but he can't. He said he didn't even put a description on the web sites. Howard said he wants to talk about this thing but he can't do it.
Robin asked if there's anything on the back of the book. Howard said there are quotes from interviews and there's a picture of him at the microphone. He said it's fun to look at. He said he'd like his fans to get the book and see who is in it. He said that it's very interesting stuff. He said he would rather it be a fun thing to reveal. He said on the talk shows they might ask him about that shit. Robin said he has other things he can talk about. Robin said he can talk a little bit about the book. Gary said if he talks about some of that stuff in the book it's still going to be interesting.
Gary asked if he's having angst over the promotion. Howard said he is. He said that he asked what shows sell books. Robin said they probably said his own show. Howard said the next 9 weeks he can talk about it there. He said SiriusXM was so excited about this book. He said they weren't busting his balls. He said they weren't afraid he was going to leave or anything. He said it was a refreshing attitude. He said they don't give a fuck if he promotes it on the show. He said he just loves these guys. Robin said what a relief.
Howard said Jim Meyer said he's going to have the cover of the book tattooed on his face. Robin said she's not sure how that would go over in the meetings there. Howard said if you do get that tattooed on your face Richard will blow you.
Howard took a call from fake Ivanka who congratulated him on the book. She said she hopes his book is a 10 like her. She said if he wants the book to do well then just put her breasts in there and rip out all of the other pages. She asked what the reading level is so she knows if her dad can read it to her. She said she would get it for him for father's day but she usually gets him something else.
Howard said he's amazed at how astute some of the audience is. He said in the morning the book was already a top seller. He said he's not sure how that happened. Jason said that you can just search for that. Gary said he went on Amazon and it didn't come up unless you know the title. He said that it just gets out if one person figures it out. Howard said it was already in the top 100 by this morning. Jason said it spread very quickly once it did get out.
Howard said he's anxious about the book promotion. Gary asked if he's going to do Jimmy Kimmel or Fallon. Howard said Kimmel is his man. He said they're going to go to Italy together. He said he finally worked up the balls to do it. He said he's not thrilled about it but his wife really wanted it. He said he wasn't into going on that trip but he thinks he has to do it. Robin said she thinks that he's going to love it and he'll be telling them all about it. Gary said he'll come back with cases of wine and things like that.
Howard said he wants to go and just look at the art. He said he wants to eat the food too. He said then he wants to sit outdoors and sketch. He said Jimmy likes to sketch too. Robin said it's a very scenic country. Howard said he's hoping to meet the pope and get molested.
Howard said they were talking about what to do over there. He said he just wants to see the art. Robin said you have to go to Florence. Richard said Tuscany too. Howard said that's where pizza is from or something. Gary asked if he's doing Jimmy's show. Howard said he's saying this with peace and love. He said he loves Jimmy but he ain't going to L.A. He said his wife wants him to go but he's not going there. He said she wants him to do Ellen too. Howard said he's not going to L.A.
Howard said he told the Simon and Schuster people that he wants to do the promotion but he's not going to L.A. He said the book will be out in May and Jimmy will be there for up Fronts then. Gary said they don't do shows then though. Howard said Jimmy can interview him in Italy.
Howard said he'll do the local shows. Robin asked which ones he'll do. Howard said he likes Seth Meyers and he's had dinner with him. He said he's on at 12:30 and no one is watching. Richard said a lot of authors go on CBS Sunday Morning. Howard said he's not going to say everything he's doing. Gary said he should do all of those shows when he's off in May. Howard said he's going to do the High Pitch Erik and Gonzo podcast. He said he'll do anything within a 3 mile radius of this show.
Richard said he should do the Jim Bakker show. Howard did his Pat Robertson impression. Gary asked if he would do Jay Leno's car show. Howard said no way. He said he doesn't hate Jay Leno. He said he really doesn't. He said he doesn't like how he treated him. He said he's not going on that car show.
Jason asked if he's doing Kelly Ripa's show. Howard said she has never asked him to be on. He said she doesn't like him. He said everyone contacts him every 2 days and he's never heard from them. Gary said he thinks they'll contact him. He said he may do The View.
Gary asked if he's going to do any podcasts. Howard said Simon and Schuster says that here are some they would like him to do. He said he has to go on and get people to read this book so he has to go to NPR and places like that. Howard said they say that Mark Maroon sells books with his podcast. He said he has a list of things he has to do because Simon and Schuster would like him to do. Howard said that he's not going to L.A. though.
Howard said he would sit down with Oprah if she wanted him to. He said she can't be uptight though. Robin asked if he's doing any of the morning shows. Howard said he hasn't done any interviews in a long time. He said he purposely doesn't do them. He said Alec Baldwin wanted him to do his show. He said now is the time to do it. He said if they want to interview him then maybe he'll do them. He said he thinks he's already booked on some things.
Howard said he wants Gayle King to interview him. He said he would do it with Michael Strahan. He said it has to be the bigger audience though.
Howard said years ago he was selling a video tape. He said he went on Larry King thinking he was the guy. He said they were doing direct sales. He said that you go on the show and it sold 4 tapes. He said some shows are nice shows to do but he doesn't want to waste his time.
Memet said he would be good on Joe Rogan. Howard said he thinks Joe doesn't like him. Memet said he's heard him say nice things about him. Howard said he loves Joe but he doesn't think he likes him. Memet said he'd probably be on the show for the full 3 hours. Howard said years ago he said something off the air to Joe and he took offense to it. Howard said that's what happened. He said he doesn't want to go into what it was but he didn't mean any offense by it and Joe took it that way. He said he didn't do the show anymore after that.
The guys suggested Bill Maher's show but Howard said he's not going to go on and talk about politics. Howard said he's not sure about that one. He said he's not going to talk politics. Robin said she thinks they're wrong about the political thing. She said she has seen people just go on and be funny.
Memet asked if he would do anything on FOX News. Howard said he has been on Hannity's show. Richard said he should go on Bill O'Reilly's podcast. Howard said he's not sure Bill is going to like him after this book comes out. He said he has all kinds of ideas.
Howard said he did the Larry Sanders show promoting his book. He said he went on Wheel of Fortune to promote his movie and Pat Sajak refused to appear with him so it was Vanna White who did it. He said that Pat is super religious or something so he refused to show up with him. Howard said they were psyched to have him on the show but Pat caught wind of it and didn't appear with him. He said he never said he didn't want to do it but he just left.
Gary asked if he's going to do book signing. Howard said he could do that and just do it last minute. He said he's not sure what he's going to do with that. Howard said he just finished the book. He said he's just now starting to talk about promotion. He said within a week you're going to see him all over the place. He said that this is just pre-order time right now. He said he's not sure where he'd go to sign books. Gary said there's a Barnes and Noble nearby. Howard said he wont turn people down so it would take forever.
Howard said they're talking about putting in a golden ticket to let someone sit in the studio. He said they could have a brown ticket that would let you sit with Benjy.
Howard asked Brent if he can put a ticket in a book to let someone feel up his wife. Brent said yes. He said that he'd have to check with her first but he thinks it would be a yes. Howard asked how her boobs are. Brent said they are amazing. He said she's about a week away from full recovery. Howard asked if Memet is still the only one who can't feel her up. Brent said yes. Memet said he's fine with that.
Howard asked if they can put a pink ticket in there and have that person join them. Brent said yes. He said he thinks that May would be a perfect time to do that. He said she'll be all healed up by then.
Brent said that an audio book would be so great. Howard said he busted his balls writing it and he's not going to read it back. Richard said they could have someone else read it like the deep voice super bowl guy. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said learn to read.
Howard asked Richard about some family farm out in Kansas. Richard didn't know them but Howard said he slept in their corn bin. Richard said it's dangerous to do that.
Howard said he heard that he showed the guys what they looked like. Brent said that he only showed it to Shuli.
Howard and the guys asked Brent what he's going to do when this guy bangs his wife and she makes noises that he's never heard. Brent said he thinks he'll be fine. He said that he's made her make noises. Shuli said that this guy is really good looking and he thinks that his wife could leave him for this guy. Howard said he probably has a big cock. Richard said it's probably a 15 incher. Howard said that he is a swinger's swinger. The guys said he hasn't even done it yet. Robin said this is a new experience for him.
Shuli asked why they haven't done the swinging thing in the past. Brent said they're just working into it. He said it's nerve wracking. He said that she's just getting comfortable with it now.
Howard asked if the black thing is something they're into. Brent said it is a thing with him. He said that his wife has had boyfriends of every race. He said he's really attracted to black women. Gary said he thought that he liked seeing his girlfriend having sex with black men. Brent said he can't comment on that.
Jason asked if this is a same room kind of thing. Brent said it is. He said they met the couple online. He said you get into dancing and get into it that way. He said he and his wife met with them and when they left they had their own makeout session.
Shuli asked why they only end up making out when they meet these people. Brent said he has explained that. Shuli said he thinks Brent creeps out the couples. He said he thinks he's the stick in the fucking wheel. Howard asked what he's saying about Brent. Shuli said that he has hung out with him and he has seen this stare he gets when he drinks and that must scare people off. Brent said he used to be fat and now he's taken off 50 pounds so things are much better now.
Howard asked if they're good to go with the feeling up ticket. Brent said he's fine with that. He said he hopes that someone who never gets to do stuff like that wins the chance.
Howard took a call from Swinging Brent who was talking about going out to find couples with his wife. He was excited for Howard's book too.
Chris said he has been out with Brent and he's never seen him dance. Brent said he won't be doing it without being buzzed. He said that it's a lot of grinding on the chick. Fred played some Judas Priest and tried to get him to dance. Howard asked if he's going to a swinger's resort this summer. Brent said it's outside Tampa and he'll be nude in the pool there. Howard said that's disgusting. Brent said everyone has to be naked there.
Shuli said he doesn't get this. He said that he was just saying this takes time and now he's going to be naked in a pool. Howard said everyone knows why they're there. He said they're there to fuck. He said it's like how can you miss unless someone is really weird. Howard said something is wrong if you can't make it happen.
Shuli said he thinks that Brent is the problem with the swinging thing. He said his wife isn't the problem. Brent said that he and his wife talked about this and they have worked their way into it. He said the first time she wasn't that comfortable with it. He said she wasn't into the scene there. He said you have to be accommodating to her. Shuli said it's been 8 months. Brent said that's not the point you fuck.
Gary asked if Brent is comfortable enough to get naked in front of people. Brent said he's done it before. Howard asked if you go to this naked pool by coming down in clothes and then undressing. Brent said yes. He said he clippers himself down. He said he doesn't go completely bald down there. Howard asked if this is a swinging hotel. Brent said it is a resort for swingers. He said they have all kinds of activities going on there. Richard asked if he's boned up for things there. Brent said for some things yes. He said you get a boner if people are having sex there.
Jason said this place looks really nice. He said he's checking it out online. Howard said they're going to send a crew down there to see what happens there. Shuli may have to go down there and get naked. Shuli said he wants to go to the woman and ask why she passed on Brent. He said he doesn't care about the naked people. Howard said Memet may have to go because he has been naked before. Memet said that they are in discussions about him going down there.
Howard asked Brent if he has been there before. Brent said he has and it's two names he could give him. He said he hosted a bikini-less contest down there with two comedians. He didn't mention the names though.
Howard took a call from a woman and a guy who said they want to swing with Brent. It was the back office calling in and saying they hadn't seen Brent before. They looked up a picture and screamed when they saw what he looks like. The guy was throwing up. Howard said they were so close to getting a couple.
Memet said that Brent said it's a sure thing to get laid down there. He said if he doesn't then there's something wrong. Howard said they have this black couple lined up too. Shuli said nothing ever happens. He said that they go out and never hook up with anyone. Brent said he's letting people in on the process.
Howard asked if Shuli is annoying Brent. Brent said he is but he can get back at him. Howard said he thinks that the process is very long. Shuli said he thins that Brent wants it so badly that he's turning people off. Howard said he's just working his way up to it. Brent said that's what it is. He said it's not a race.
Howard said he just wanted to get someone who buys his book to feel up his wife. Brent said he's in. Howard said that's awesome. Howard said there is a lot of excitement in the room. He said it took 2 years to write the book and this is what happens.
Howard said he is so freaked out that he has to go on these shows. Shuli said just do them via Skype. Howard said that doesn't work. He said he had an idea to have Fallon, Colbert and Kimmel interview him at the same time. He said he could get it over with quickly. He said he really does want to go on the shows and talk about the book though.
Gary asked if he could send a hologram out to do the book signings. Howard said sure he could do that. Shuli said they have a guy who can do that for them. He said he's a fan of the show and he did the Tupac hologram and others. He said he has to do the book signings because look at who they met at those signings. Howard said they met Crackhead Bob at one. He said that was an unbelievable meeting. He had Fred playing clips of Bob talking to an interviewer. They played a book promo that the guys created.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she and her husband have been swinging forever. She said the problem with Brent and his wife is that if you want that four way connection it's very difficult. She said that the men who swing are very unattractive. She said Brent is one of those guys. She said his wife is very attractive. Howard said he thinks Brent is attractive. Brent said Shuli is acting like he's a good looking guy. Shuli said he never said that. He said he found a woman way out of his league and locked her down.
Howard asked the caller, Julie, why she was on speaker. She said she forgot. She turned it off and got on the regular phone. Her phone connection sounded awful so Howard hung up on her.
Jason asked if Brent would let his wife get fucked if he wasn't getting anything at all. Brent said he would want to watch. He said that they're trying to get what they can but there are no hard and fast rules.
Jason asked what he's going to do if he finishes and the other guy is going on for an hour. Brent said he'll go get some weed and a drink.
Chris asked if it's more exciting to fuck the new chick or watching his wife. Brent said that it's both. Shuli said he hasn't done it though. Brent said that he's going to strangle him. Shuli said they have yet to swing and he's talking about what he would do if he finished early. Shuli and Brent went back and forth arguing about that. Shuli said there is no completion to this yet. Brent said he's working on it.
Richard asked if Brent is worried if the guy jizzed and it got on him. Howard said come on. He said that's not going to happen. Brent said they use condoms so that won't happen. Shuli said if his wife made one sound that she never made before he'd be freaked out. Howard said he could never do it. He said he would rather die. He said he wants her to himself. Brent said everyone approaches life differently. Howard said he's not putting him down. Howard asked if he should do a book signing from the swinger's place. Brent said no.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Shuli has to lighten up on Brent. Shuli said he just thinks you can't call yourself a swinger if you have never done it. He said it's just funny to him. He said he has only made out with chicks. Shuli asked how long this process is. Robin said she agrees with Shuli that the process is getting lame. She said that he has already done the whole thing. She said that swinging is about not getting involved. Brent said it's getting comfortable with the situation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been swinging for 15 years. He said that there are times that it happens right away and sometimes you just go home. He said there are multiple ways of swinging. Shuli asked about having it at all. The caller said Shuli has no idea what he's talking about.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who was doing a creepy swinger guy who says he's a swinger but it hasn't worked for him in 20 years. He said he's still working on it.
Shuli asked Chris how long it takes him to get laid on Grindr. Brent said that's like comparing apples to oranges. He said it's not the same thing. Chris said it should be as easy on a swinging app. Howard said Brent looks like he's on the edge here. He told everyone to calm down.
Chris said if you're going on an app for sex you should easily find sex. He said that's what the apps are made for. Richard said Howard can't call himself ugly after seeing that book cover. He said he looks hot.
Howard said he will be discussing with Robin what shows he should do for promotion. He said he's saying he's going to do limited book promotion. He said he's doing some magazine interviews and stuff. He said the book company is handling all of that.
Howard said he was excited about this idea. Memet said they have the cats watching and he's jerking off with Beth there. He said he's covering up himself with his book.
Howard said the other day he was so impressed with Memet. He said he isn't sure if he's for real or not. He said that a billboard would be great. He said he wants to reach people who maybe don't know this is a really good book. He said it's something meaty and something good to read.
Memet said Dave letterman used to squirt water on people to freak them out. He said they cold have people walking by and people would get squirted on. He said that it uses fake jizz all over families and stuff in Times Square. Richard said this is fucking great.
Howard said it's funny but they can't legally do that. Memet said come on. Robin said they can't even do this out in the lobby there. Howard said he's going to Bukakke tourists. Howard told him to sit down.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this book is going to be awesome. She said she's so excited. Howard said he can't wait and he thinks she'll like it. The caller said that they love him and they are so excited to be a part of his life in some way. She said she will be there if he signs books. Howard said this is his last book. He said he won't be alive long enough to write another one. Robin asked if he told us everything in this one. Howard said he did. He said he left nothing on the table.
Howard said R. Kelly likes Memet's book idea. Memet said he has more ideas. Howard said he's not sure if he's for real or not. He said he's not understanding that these ideas can't be used. Memet asked why Letterman could squirt people. The guys said that it wasn't coming from his implied dick. Chris said he has to get out of this country.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can just play JD's noises during this announcement. He said this guy is amazing. He said all he heard was his hooting and hollering.
Howard said there's a lot going on in there. JD wants to go out and film him on tour. Howard said he's not sure he'd want that. JD said that he is working on the Mark Ronson stuff. He said that he could do it. Howard said he doesn't know if he has shown the ability to direct. He said he's not sure JD is the guy to do that. JD said he has followed other people around like when Artie was on the road. He said they were on Artie's web site. Howard said he remembers that. He said he's not sure he has the sense to keep people's interest.
Jason said that he's not sure that JD knows that they have to storyboard that stuff out. JD said he knows that. He got pissed at Jason over that. Howard said JD has never done anything professionally about documentary making. He said he was in the Howard Stern film festival but he lost to Robin. JD said he knows how to do it. Jason was still goofing on him so JD said he won't do anything and he doesn't know anything.
Robin said what he could do is have a crew follow him around and give the footage to JD and a real editor and see what's better. Howard said he knows JD is getting insulted but he's never done anything to advance his documentary making career. JD said he knows. Howard said he hasn't worked on this at all in his life.
Gary asked what he would submit as his best work. JD said he would have the Artie videos and the Ronnie documentary. That's it. Richard said the footage of Howard goofing on JD would be great. He said it would be a JD goofing tour. Howard said he wishes he would practice making some films before coming to him with this.
Howard said JD is a director and Brent is a swinger and Memet has great marketing ideas. He said there you go.
Howard said he's excited about this book and in the next couple of weeks you'll see him on every talk show. Shuli said he has to get it over with. Howard said it's not like that. He said now they sell books ahead of time and when the book comes out then it's all over with. He said he might as well do it all now. Richard asked if there are pictures in the book. Howard said there are. He said you can go anywhere online and pre-order the book. He quickly went through the places that you can order it from.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd like to hear him on NPR. Howard said he will probably be doing that. He said he'd do Mike Francesa if his show sells books. The guys threw out other sports shows he could do to sell books.
The caller said he thinks it would be great to hear Terry Gross do an interview with Howard. Howard said they'll see if he's going to do that. He said he's doing all of this in an orderly fashion. He said he'll consult with Robin on the shows he should do. Robin said she'll tell him what she thinks. Richard asked what he thinks about the Bubba the Love Sponge show. Howard said he's trying to get booked on that.
Howard said he has to figure out which shows to do. He said he has to do the shows that sell books. He said he'd do the Svengooli show.
Howard said he told Ronnie he was going to be announcing this today. He said Ronnie said he was so excited that he was going to learn to read.
Howard took a call from Richard Simmons audio clips. Howard said he heard he's excited about this book. Howard spent a short time talking to the clips. They had a bunch of Richard clips that they played to create the conversation about the book. It was basically just Richard singing about loving Howard and things like that.
Howard took a call from fake JD's wife who was upset with him for not using JD on the documentary. Someone from the back office was playing the part of his wife and talking like JD. She said JD is an expert because he watches movies all weekend. Howard said she's sounding more and more like JD every day. Howard asked if JD wants to say hi to her. JD said that's okay. He said he loves her but she can hang up now. She asked if JD wants to swing with Brent. JD said no to that. Howard let her go and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said there was a big fight out in the hall during the break. He said Brent got pissed at Shuli for real. He said Brent is pissed that Shuli was calling him ugly. He said he gets that. Robin said Shuli was trying to make things funny and Brent took it personal. Howard said he doesn't like them fighting. He said his new book is already causing trouble.
Howard said Benjy is upset that he has promotion ideas but only Memet is getting to mention his. Robin said she just pre-ordered the book. Robin said she hopes he'll sign one for her. Howard said he'll see how she behaves. He said he wrote a few things about her in there. He said he sees her every day so he has to.
Howard said he can't believe she ordered just one. Robin said she didn't say it was just one. Howard said she has to order like 50.
Howard asked if the guys have calmed down out there. Gary said it's all calm now. Howard asked if he has heard Benjy's ideas. Gary said he has not. Gary said Jason just said his ideas aren't worth hearing. Howard said he'll just get annoyed with him. He said he's going to pass. He said Benjy doesn't really get him. He said he just gets aggravated. Robin said he came in to talk about Chris the other day and he wasn't even listening to what they had said.
Howard said he mentioned Chef Boyardee the other day and it turns out he was a real dude. He said he didn't know that. He said his real name was Boiardi and not Boyardee. Howard said he was a real guy. Robin said he was a terrible chef. She said the food was like dog food. Howard said his mother used to get so upset with him for liking that stuff. He said he liked canned meatballs and spaghetti. He said his mother would make this great food and he'd ask for the canned stuff. He said he'd open a can and pour it into a frying pan and eat that.
Howard said Chef Boiardi was a chef at the Plaza. Robins said she's not sure what happened there.
Howard said he can turn it into a game. He asked if Uncle Ben was a real dude. Robin said she thinks so. Howard said he was not a real dude. Howard said it was made by some German scientist. Howard said he's not sure why they used that character. Jason said years later they saw a picture of a maitre d on the wall somewhere and that's the picture they used. He said he's not sure they even talked to the guy.
Howard said Uncle Ben created a fake office for the guy. Howard asked if Colonel Sanders was a real guy. Robin said yes. Howard said he was a real dude and it as Harlan David Sanders. The colonel part was an honorary title he gave himself. Howard asked why he would do that. He said that's like stolen valor. He said it's the same with Cap'n Crunch. Howard asked why he wouldn't call himself general instead of colonel.
Howard said he had no idea he wasn't a colonel. He said why not emperor Sanders. He said he assumed he served in the military. Robin said she's not sure why here were no generals on the plantations but maybe he was hearkening back to those kind of colonels.
Howard asked if Aunt Jemima is fake. Robin said she think she is. Howard said she's right about that. He said she was inspired by an old minstrel show song. He said they tried to find it but they weren't able to. Robin said she thinks that stuff came up in her past and she knew about that stuff. Fred found the song that they were talking about. Howard said this isn't the right one.
Howard asked if Alexa Hente was real or not. Robin said that was fake. Howard said it was. He was played by Ricardo Montalban's brother.
Howard played some of the song he was talking about and asked if Robin would have ever thought that was her. Robin said yes because she's a fan. Robin said this is almost Gomer Pyle like. Howard said that voice is pretty good. He said she's doing an impression of Aretha doing a Sam Cooke song. He said the audience was mostly black and they were approving so that made him feel good. Robin said he's crazy. Howard said he likes when they cut to the black people smiling at the white woman. He said it's almost like the Apollo theater.
Howard said they had women crying and standing in the audience. He said everything is fine when you see that. Robin said if they're crying there must be something wrong. Howard said he wished he had black people smiling at him. He said he felt it was like Celine was a nice white woman. Robin said it means they're still pissed and suffering.
Howard said they had a lot of talent there. He said they had Fantasia Barino there and she's just Fantasia now. Robin said she heard the country one from American Idol was there too. Howard said he didn't see the whole thing. He said he taped that and watched The Bachelor too. He said the tribute was nice. He said he's not being negative for once.
Howard said he has to catch up on commercials so he has to take a break. They went to break after that.
Howard said he asked people to destroy his two old books and just read this new one in the new book.
Howard said he's worn out from book promotion already. Robin said it's big. Howard said he has been talking to Robin about how worn out he is from this book. He said he labored over everything. He said the title was one of those things. He said that he wanted something funny. He said everything had to be just right. Robin said he was very adamant about that. Howard said he has to get psyched up to go out and promote it. Robin asked if he feels like he just gave birth to a baby. Howard said he does.
Howard said he would finish the book and hand it in and then take it back. He said the publisher was upset. He said he told them he has to finish it when it's ready. He said he didn't want a due date. Fred played the ''Duu'' Ronnie drop after Howard said ''due.''
Howard said he had to tell them that he's not a 20 year old anymore so when he does talk shows he can't get past his look and things like that. He said he wishes he could just put the book out and forget about it. He said he has to go out and promote it though. He said the book is the baby and the promotion is the slimy afterbirth. He said you don't know what to do with it.
Howard said he wants to promote this book because it's good. He said he took his time with the book. He said he was so happy when he handed it in. He said he had said he was done a few times before this time. He said he really is done.
Howard said his mother asked if something was wrong. He said she always thinks something is wrong. Howard said she asked what he has been up to and he said he finished his book. He said this was the conversation last night. He said she wants to read it and he's not sure he wants her to read it. He said he does write about her in the book. He said he reveals some interesting thoughts.
Howard said he's not sure how she's going to react. He said he greatest thing he ever did was not give her Sirius. He said they don't get his show anymore. Robin asked if they mind. Howard said they used to sit and listen all morning. He asked who needs that. Robin said the big time was when she called him about Gary. Howard said she lectured him about Gary.
Howard said his mom asked about when she's getting her copy. He said he had to tell her that things are different now and he doesn't have a copy for her. He said his mother calls the computer ''the machine.'' He said she kept asking when the book is coming. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about this with him.
Howard said he had so much going on yesterday and this is the conversation he had. He said he had things going on with the kids, Ralph and the book company. He said his mom kept asking about when she was going to get her copy.
Howard said he doesn't want his parents to read this book. He said they can just know it's out and he's doing fine.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she teaches high school and she uses his interviews in her class. Howard said he thinks she'll be able to do that. The caller said that she thinks the book will be good because she can edit bad words out of the book. Howard said she'll be able to do that. Howard thanked her for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was talking about Colonel Sanders and the stolen valor thing. He said in Kentucky they have an honorary title of colonel and that may be where he got that title. Howard said no one should be able to call themselves that unless they're in the military.
The caller said he got a colonel status in Kentucky by playing Elvis. Robin said this guy is a colonel too. Howard said that's what Kentucky has going for it. He said he gets an honorary title for being an Elvis impersonator. Howard said that's unbelievable. Howard asked to hear him sing like Elvis. The caller sang for him. Howard laughed. Fred played a dog barking drop. Howard said that's colonel fake Elvis.
Howard took a call from Rocky Pendergast (Chris Wilding) who was congratulating him on the book. He was calling in from Largo. He named a bunch of almost famous people who were there with him. Then a stampede happened when someone said Howard Stern was there. Howard said that was a terrible stampede at Largo.
Howard said his mother is on the phone and wants to congratulate him. It was High Pitch Erik calling in as his mom. Erik didn't even change his voice. Howard said he already has a woman's voice. Erik let out a sigh. Erik said he might be moving to Canada. He said he applied for his passport because Chris Wilding might be moving back. Howard said people were really upset about what he revealed yesterday about Chris' work visa. Erik said he wants to fight for Chris to stay there.
Howard read through some email about Chris and what people were saying about his immigration status. Howard said some people suggested he marry someone. He said that someone said they would consider marrying him to keep him in the country. Someone said that Ralph should marry him. Erik said he'd do it. Howard asked Erik if he would consummate it. Erik said that's up to Chris. He said he's up for it if Chris wants to do it.
Howard said this is a legitimate way to keep Chris in the country. Howard asked Chris if he would do that. He said he just heard he groaned about the deal.
Howard asked Chris if he would do that. Chris said he's going back to Canada, not the middle east. Chris said Erik is very sweet but he'd have to think about it. He said he's getting a lot of marriage proposals actually. He said they say they're straight and they would marry him to keep him there. He said some of them are sending him dick pics though. Erik said he'll send him one if he wants. Chris said sure, why not. Howard said Erik has to work on getting it up. Erik said he'll send it through his iPad. Howard asked if he can even see his dick. Erik said he can. Robin didn't believe it.
Howard said he can't see his dick. Erik said he can. He said give him until 10:15 and he'll get it over to him. Howard asked why he needs so much time. Erik said that way he can get hard. Robin asked if it takes an hour to do that. Erik said yes. Howard asked what the problem is. Erik said he has to look at pictures of Donnie to get hard. Howard told him to get to it then. Erik said Chris can show it to Howard and they can talk about it after. Howard said okay to that.
Howard said it would be the best bit if they did that for the show. Chris said it's great that they made this big deal yesterday and the one celebrity they get is Erik.
Howard said someone wrote in and said that Andy Cohen may have called ICE on him to avoid going on a date with him.
Howard said the immigration thing is really tough these days. Chris said a lot of people are going through this now. He said he was crying again on the train yesterday. He said it was very sweet what Howard did yesterday. Howard said he should buy a book before he goes home. He said he should get ''Howard Stern Comes Again.''
Howard asked if the guy came when he was with him. Chris said he was but he didn't have his glasses on so he didn't see it exactly. He said it kind of seeped out. He said the guy had a nice cock but it looked like it was in bondage.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she knows about this Femosis. The caller said that if they don't take care if it then it can get necrotic and they might have to remove the tip of his penis. She said that it can get really bad. Howard said he doesn't like hearing that stuff about penis. The caller said they get patients in their 70s and 80s and they have to get circumcised so it's really horrible. Howard said they don't even give babies numbing when they do this to them. The caller said they give them sucrose and that's a pain killer for them. Howard said they scream when they do it though. Howard asked how sugar is a pain killer. Chris said it sounds like an old wive's tale.
Howard asked what the penis smelled like. Chris said it was like yeasty cheese. The caller told Chris the penis could have fallen off in his mouth. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go.
Chris said he usually gets a dick pic before the date. He didn't do it that time. Howard said the Ronnie and JD puppets are big hits too. He said people are seeing them on the app. There were suggestions for other puppets they should make for the show. Bobo, King of All Blacks and others were mentioned. Howard went to break a short time later. s
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Howard said he met Lou and Lou didn't like him. He said he mentioned he looked like Joe Piscopo or something and he didn't like that. He said that maybe it was that or just all of his nonsense that upset the guy.
Howard said they were doing one of those broadcasts where a bunch of radio stations were in the same place and they all got to interview Lou but not him. He said he got on his megaphone and called Lou's name out and he never came over. He said Lou ignored him. He said years later he was on vacation on an island with Beth and Lou was there. He said Lou was there with his wife. He said neither of them said hi to each other. He said he doesn't want to annoy the guy. He said they had their cute dog there too. He said it was a very tiny island and they kept running across each other. Howard wondered how he could get away from the guy. He said he felt awful. He said he thinks the guy would have said hello to him if he wanted to and he never did.
Howard said he was a big fan of Lou's though. Howard said he played Lou's records for years. He said he would play all of his shit. Robin said that some people just don't like the show. Fred played the clip of Howard on his megaphone calling out for Lou to come over to him. Howard said he joked by mentioning ''Walk on the Wild Side'' twice when he said he knew his songs.
Howard asked Brent to come in and give an update. He asked if they got into a fight out there. Brent said they did a little bit. He said he just through he was extra personal and nasty about it. Howard said don't get bent out of shape. Brent said he was making it seem like he's ugly and he should end it all. Howard said they look kind of similar actually. Brent said he's a little bigger than Shuli. Howard said he often said Brent is the Brad Pitt of the office. He said he's a nice looking guy. Brent said he looked good in his 20s. He said he gets it. Fred said he looks like the guy from Judas Priest. Brent said he'll take that.
Howard asked if they're not talking. Brent said he just had a conversation with him. Gary asked if he said he's going to make his life a living hell. Brent said they do that anyway. He said Memet had an idea to have the staff come in wearing banana hammocks and he thinks that he could beat Shuli in that. Howard said they'll do that then.
Howard asked if Shuli is getting any work done out there. Shuli said he was shocked about Brent getting so upset. He said everyone gets their balls busted there. Howard said he likes that Brent is the world's most unsuccessful swinger of all time.
Shuli said he was just talking about that stare that Brent gets and how that might freak people out. He said he's not sure why Brent got so upset. He said that Bubba used to bust his balls a lot. Shuli said going on statistics today Brent isn't doing well with the swinging. Brent said his wife texted him and said that the other problem was that her tattoos were healing when they were thinking about doing it. He said you can't swing with an open wound.
Howard asked Shuli about the bikini contest. Shuli said he has no reason to battle him in that. He said he never said that was something he was better at than Brent.
Howard took a call from tough Brent who was putting Shuli in his place. Howard asked if Shuli can still feel his wife's breasts. Fake Brent said no way to that. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said they have to see how this all works out for Brent and his wife. Shuli said he'd like to know when this is actually going to happen. Brent said it should happen with that couple in a couple of weeks. He said they're going to get into some crazy shit. Howard said he heard that he let someone feel up his wife at a concert a couple of weeks ago. Brent said he did. He said they were at the coat check and she asked the guy if he was looking forward to feeling her up. He said it was only for people on staff and she told him to feel her up right there so he did it. Howard said he heard that was Jim Meyer and he really appreciated that. He said that wasn't actually Jim.
Shuli asked if he's off the list now. Brent said no but he has some stuff coming back at him when he gets around to it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Shuli can dish it out but he can't take it. He said just go off on him for 20 minutes and see the venom come out. Shuli said everyone there gets it. He said they take their turns. The caller said Shuli has a hair trigger though.
Howard asked Brent how this feeling up thing happens. Brent demonstrated how she took the guy's hand and put it on her breast. He said she put his hand under her shirt. Shuli said he just took his hand and put it up his shirt.
Shuli asked Brent how this swinging thing isn't happening if his wife is the one into this stuff. Brent told him that she had tattoos and then she had her tits done. He said now she's almost healed and they're starting to get back into it. Howard said next week she'll sprain her ankle.
Jason said that the staffer who felt her up said that her tits were fully out at the concert. Brent said that's true. He said she was all fired up.
Howard said he's looking forward to the better body contest. He said Shuli is standing gin front of his book poster and it makes him look like he has hair. He said he looks good. Howard let Brent and Shuli go after that.
Howard said Lenny Dykstra sent Robin a message about daylight saving time. Howard played the clip and Lenny said don't forget to set your clock. He said that's one less hour of eating Robin's cunt. Howard said it's so sexy the way he talks to Robin. He said he's all about the black pussy.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that maybe Brent's wife Katelyn is just being selective. He said that she's not going to do it with just anyone. He said he has a feeling that they'll take their time and if it works out the flood gates will open. He said they might get wild. Howard said he doesn't think that will do their marriage very well. Ralph said things can turn very quickly. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said that was some song.
Robin started her news talking about cancer detection and Alex Trebek. Howard said if you catch it in stage one can you do anything. Robin said she thinks they can. Howard asked how you detect them early. Robin had some details about some researchers who have a blood test that is showing promise for early detection. Robin had some audio for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from a woman who was calling from Montana. Howard asked if she's a cow girl. She said she wanted to talk about Brent. She said she is listening to them rag on Brent but she has swung before. She said Brent is cute. She said she doesn't think he's the problem at all. Howard said he thinks this is important for Brent to hear. She said if she saw Brent in a bar or a club she would be into him. She said she doesn't swing anymore though. Howard asked if she is a good looking woman. She said she was when she was younger. She said she's older now and married with kids. Howard asked if this is Brent calling in doing an impression. She said she's not. She said she's actually in California. Howard let her go and got back to news.
Robin read a story about A-Rod and J-Lo getting married and Jose Canseco was saying A-Rod was having an affair with his wife. Robin asked if that's an easy thing for A-Rod to deal with. Howard said it can't be easy for ''J-Rod and A-Lo.'' He said even if Jose made that up it makes his life hell. He said J-Row is going to make it tough on him. He said it'll put that thought in A-Hole's head. Howard said he doesn't wish them any harm. He said this is J-Row's fourth marriage. Howard said it's ridiculous. He said her ring is so big. He said it's bigger than her whole hand.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just got Sirius in a car recently. He said he hasn't heard his voice since the WYSP days. He said he feels the show is still working after all these years. Howard asked the caller, Burt, why he didn't come along with them to Sirius when they moved. Burt said that he had an old car and he didn't have the radio in the car. Howard said the technology has caught up in a sense. The caller said he's so happy to listen to the bits. He said Fred Ronnie is the best thing ever. Howard said Fred has found his home with Ronnie. He said it only took 40 years. He said when you call in about the show just have less Fred and more of him. Fred did his Fred Ronnie bit with the puppet.
The caller said they should give out 3 months of free Sirius with each book sold. Howard said that's an idea. He said he might just get a ticket to feel up Brent's wife's boobs. Howard said it's good to have Burt back. Fred Ronnie asked if he heard he got fucked in the ass while he was away. Burt laughed. Howard said that's true.
Robin said everyone should get a Ring doorbell. Robin said this doorbell went viral. She said they caught a man sprinkling a flammable substance on a neighbor's door and then tried to light it on fire. Robin said it was diesel fuel so it didn't catch. Robin said the man ran away after that. Robin said that if you didn't have that doorbell you wouldn't know. Robin said the man got arrested and he said he was trying to get rid of some demons or the devil or something like that. Robin said you can find out what's happening at your front door. Howard said Fred smells like diesel so he was wondering what was going on.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he's very excited about this new book. He asked what the most exciting part was. Howard said he was going to just print the best interviews but then he was laboring over that. He said then he wanted to write about the interviews. He said he wasn't getting to any truth so he was going back and writing something new about it. Howard said he was wondering what he was feeling there so he kept going back and back. He said he became very critical and it was hard to pull stuff out of himself. He said he wanted a book that he was proud of.
Robin asked if he worked by himself. Howard said he worked with a great guy (Sean Manning). He said they had an interesting experience. He said when they first started working together they didn't have a process in place. He said they had to go through a lot of stuff. He said they went through every interview he had ever done. He said it took a long time to get to the process.
Howard said he didn't want to just reprint an interview. He said he wanted to talk about why he liked it or write something about that person. Howard said then he had the revelation about something he's lied about on the show. He said there was one person he gave 11 different interviews of. He said it was hard to keep doing the book. It took him 2 years to do it. Balls asked if he had writer's block at all. Howard said he did. He said he put it away for a while. He said it was summer and he vowed he was never going to do it. He said then he'd work on it for weeks on end straight through.
Howard said any book that's worth reading has a lot of rewrites. He said the first thing he jotted out was nothing. He said it was meaningless.
Howard said they logged the hours he and Sean talked on the phone and it was over 60 hours. He said that writing a book is like swinging, it's a process. Howard said he vowed he would never do it again. He said you'll read about how they got him to write this one in the first chapter. Howard said he talks about his life and what's been going on. He said you'll see.
Balls asked if he's going to come to Pittsburgh and places like that. Howard said he doesn't know yet. He said they're going to sit down and talk about that today. Balls asked i he'll come on his podcast. Howard said he was told that's one podcast he should do. He let Balls go a short time later.
Robin read a story about Keith Flint and how his death was from hanging. Robin said they're still waiting for the toxicology tests to come back to see if he was on anything. Howard said that was such a good band. He played some of The Prodigy's ''Firestarter.'' Howard said if he could do this nothing in his life would go wrong. He said these guys always hurt themselves. He said it's so sad that's how he died.
Robin read a story about an Apple event that's scheduled this month and they might be revealing their streaming TV service. Howard said he's not sure he's for that. He said they don't need to be in the content business. He said his phone is still doing the same shit. He said he has all of their computers and phones. Robin said they say that they will have paid access to magazines and pay wall sites for $9.99 a month. Howard said he reads the NY Times on his Kindle. He said he doesn't need it on Apple. Robin said you can read it on the iPad. Howard said he likes the Kindle screen better. Robin said the streaming TV service is months away but they have 2 dozen TV shows in the works. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has been listening for 31 years. She said she can't wait to get the book. She asked how long Memet spends on this billboard idea. Howard said Memet had a full visual presentation that he'll put on the app. He said you'll see the deigning. The caller said it sounds like a lot of time was put into it. Howard said it's the stupidest idea ever but he will use it on the app. The caller said she has only called twice and both times were about Memet. Howard said he asked Jason if Memet was for real and he is 100 percent for real. He said he thinks they can put a billboard in New York and have him cumming on people. He said Memet really believes that. The caller said it does make her laugh but she can't believe it.
Robin read a story about the catholic church looking for an apology from Saturday Night Live about something they did. Robin said they have some nerve asking for an apology for making a joke. Robin said they had priests molesting children's lives and they can't make a joke about it. Robin said Pete Davidson compared the sex abuse scandals to the R. Kelly case. Robin had a clip from Saturday Night Live where Pete made that joke.
Gary told Howard that High Pitch Erik sent a picture of his penis and claimed he was hard but they have been staring at it and can't tell if it's hard. He said Erik claims he looked at Wayne Brady for an hour to get hard. Howard took a look at the picture and said that's not hard. Gary said that's his belly button in the picture and not his ass. Robin took a look too and said that's not hard. Howard said that can't be hard.
Howard got Erik on the phone and asked if he's really erect here. Erik said he is. Howard said it's not even an inch long. Erik said he got hard watching Wayne Brady. Gary said they brought Erik in once for Halloween and he was supposed to go behind the curtain to show his dick and they weren't able to see it through the curtain. Robin said he can't penetrate anyone with that. Erik said it's not inverted like it's always been. Howard asked if he could put that in a vagina. Erik said absolutely. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Robin said it might be physically impossible. Erik said he has had sex with girls like 20 times. Howard said good for you. Erik said he'll marry Chris on the show. Howard said he'll put it out there for him. He said he's all for doing anything to keep Chris there. Erik said he has a lawyer for him too. Robin said he's going to be a good husband.
Robin read more about the catholic church asking for the apology from Saturday Night Live. Howard said what went down with the young boys is worse than that joke. He said come on.
Robin asked if Howard was shocked about how many people had the crosses on their heads on TV last week. Howard said he didn't see any of that. Robin said every channel had people on it with the ashes on their head. Howard asked if they're doing it to attract an audience or are they really devout. Robin said she doesn't think the majority is catholic. Howard asked if they're doing it to be cool. Robin said that might be it.
Robin read a story about a Utah teacher who is apologizing for asking a catholic boy to wipe the cross off his head on Wednesday. Robin had some audio of this woman explaining herself and saying it was a misunderstanding. She said she had no idea it was a religious symbol.
Robin read a story about Connor McGregor getting arrested again. Robin said he destroyed a phone. She said that he smashed a fan's phone after the fan tried to take a selfie. Robin said he's being charged with strong arm robbery and criminal mischief. Robin said the fan tried to get a picture with him and police say that when he slapped the phone out of his hand and stomped on it he walked away with it. Howard said that's the kind of thing you just have to show up in court for. He said he won't go to jail for that. He said he just got out of serving community service for something. Robin said that may have had to do with the bus.
Robin read a story about the woman who got attacked by the jaguar and how she's saying something should be done at the zoo to move the fence back. Howard said keep quiet. He said she thinks she's an expert now. Robin said she thinks they don't have enough barriers in place there.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if he's going to go on Saturday Night Live with the book stuff. Howard said he doesn't know what he's doing yet. He said he will do limited appearances so he doesn't drop dead. Apples said he'd like to see him on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he's not sure that would sell books. Howard said he's not sure what he's doing yet. He said he has to somehow figure out what shows to do.
Howard said he's not sure what shows he's going to do but they claim to know what shows sell books. Robin said that Michelle Obama is doing a whole tour. Howard said she hasn't been around as long as he has.
Robin read a story about Mayor de Blasio waving his arms to the song ''I Believe I Can Fly'' and people were making a big deal out of it. Robin said the mayor had to put out a statement about that. He claims that he didn't know it was an R. Kelly song when he sang along to it. Howard said he saw that some stations are not playing Michael Jackson songs now. He asked why they play Elvis songs because he married a 14 year old. He said lets go through it. He asked if you can despise Michael Jackson and listen to one of his songs. He said it doesn't mean anything to him because he didn't like his music. Howard said there is no bigger James Brown fan than himself but he had a history of smacking women around. Robin mentioned Jerry Lee Lewis too.
Robin said Dr. Drew was worried about R. Kelly after that interview with Gayle King. Robin had some audio of Drew talking about how worried he is for him after seeing that interview.
Robin read a story about Jussie Smollett being accused of taking advantage of the two brothers who beat him up. Howard asked if they're dumb and dumber. Robin said that's not right. Robin said their lawyer was on TV saying that they have regret over their role but they took payment for training and to do a favor for this person. Robin said they claim that the personal training was also part of doing this favor of beating Jussie up. Howard said that whole thing was so weird. He said he would watch a reality show with those two guys.
Robin read a story about a conspiracy going around that there's a fake Melania and she's not always showing up when she's supposed to. Robin said they say there's a Melania double out there. Howard said he believes that would be something Donald would do. Robin said she was out talking about her Be Best campaign and other things. Robin had some audio of Melania talking about the opioid crisis in the country. She also had some words for the media saying that she challenges the media to put as much time into covering that story as they do into her husband's stories.
Howard took a call from fake Melania saying that there is no fake Melania out there. She said she wouldn't send out a fake one just so she can get some rest in her bunker. She said Donald wants to talk to him too. She did her Donald voice and told Howard there is no fake Melania out there. She said that the helicopter is there to pick them up and she made a helicopter sound. Howard let her go after that.
Robin had a clip of a school bus driver going off on a kid who was wearing a MAGA hat. Robin said just let the school deal with that. She said that you're just going to get photographed by the students.
Robin said there is a new investigation into the President. Robin said they are looking into records for the financing of some hotels around the country. Robin said Congress is opening investigations as well. Robin said the conversation about impeachment is also coming up but Nancy Pelosi has said that she doesn't think they should go down that path. Robin had some audio of her talking about that.
Robin read a story about the legalization of pot in New York and how they have to resolve a bunch of things before that can happen. Robin had some audio of Governor Cuomo talking about that.
Robin read a story about a study that shows just one cigarette can affect a child during pregnancy. Robin said stop smoking before you get pregnant if you want kids. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
After the break they played Lou Reed's ''Heroin'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and sang along with the song a bit. Howard said this is him and Lou Reed singing together. He let Lou take it for a short time. Howard said he gets caught up in these songs when Fred players the stuff he likes. Howard said the guy wrote a lot about heroin. He said it never sounded so appealing to him. He said he almost sucked him in with these songs.
Howard said today was a busy show. He said he announced his book and Shuli and Brent got into a fight so they're not talking to each other. Howard said Brent thinks that Shuli called him ugly. He said guys are sensitive.
After the break they played Crosby Stills Nash & Young's ''Ohio'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said this is when music was good. He sang along with the song a bit. Howard said Gary Clark Jr. wrote a good protest song too. He said he even had the N-word in it. He said he likes songs when they have the N-word in them. He said he doesn't even know the words to this song. He said he's heard it a million times and still doesn't know.
Howard started the show talking about how you might as well tune out now because it's going to be a shitty show. He said he didn't get any sleep. He said he was watching The Bachelor and he's wiped out from that. He said tune out now. He said he's very upset and angry. He doesn't like who they picked for the new Bachelorette. He said she can't put a word out. He said she has one word answers. He said that smile too. He said she's not a beauty contestant.
Howard said he put in the good word on Colton and he picked the right guy. He said it was going to be a home run and he was right. He said he wasn't thrilled. He said that last episode was great. He said he taped Jimmy Kimmel to see him and the new girl Cassie too. Robin didn't know the name and Howard got upset with her.
Howard said he's so annoyed with this college cheating scandal. He said his parents didn't do anything for him. He said his parents didn't give a second thought on where he was going to go. He said they didn't help him at all. He said he's not sure how he even got into college. He said he got into idiot school in Boston University. He said it was basic studies for moronic people who didn't really know anything. He said he had a shitty education. He said he was such a nothing that he needed real help. He said he got into college and his father was paying $5,000 a year for that. Robin said her parents didn't even pay for that.
Howard said he has to tell you as a parent that he loves his girls. He said they went to good schools. Robin asked how he got them in. Howard said his girls were paranoid about that stuff. He said he only cares about himself so he wasn't following them around like they thought he might be. He said he wasn't doing that. He said he came from humble beginnings. He thinks about the bigger picture and people get upset when black people talk about affirmative action and things like that. He said this is the reason why they do. He said these people are at a disadvantage and these white people are paying to get their kids into schools. He said Jared Kushner's father gave money to a school to get him into this college. Howard said it's blatantly obvious.
Howard said Jon Hein told him about these back doors and side doors. Jon came in to explain that. Howard said people like Lori Loughlin were involved in this cheating thing. Howard said he's so proud of himself not cheating. He said if he went through life with his parents advantaging him he'd be upset.
Howard said forget college and the advantages these kids get. He said when he was working and saved up for a car he bought a shitty X-car. He said what a bad choice it was. He said it was his money that bought it though. Howard said his daughter Emily was born and he didn't know how he was going to compete. Howard said he went in and tried to buy a house and these rich kid's parents would buy it from under him. He said there is no equal playing field. He said it would make him nuts.
Howard said he's proud that he bought his own house and put the money together to do that. He said part of him says fuck these kids but on the other hand he has a real anger toward this. He said some kid who busted his ass got edged out by these rich kids.
Howard asked Jon about the front and side door thing. Jon said the front door is when you get in legitimately. He said the said door is when a parent gives millions to a school to get you in no matter what. Howard said his kids went go good schools and they got good SATs. He said he's not sure why parents would want to do this.
Jon said he and his wife went to Michigan so they talked to their kids about how great it was. He said one of his daughters went to Penn State. He said he had a feeling of pride because that was the right place for her. He said his other daughter is graduating Michigan but he didn't pay anything to get her in. He said that she got herself in there.
Howard asked why these parents have to have their kids go to a better school. Jon said it's so they can brag to other people. He said that it's all about the parents and barely about the kids. He said the kids don't know any better. Howard said the kids have to know. Jon said some of the kids didn't know how they got such high SAT scores. Howard said it cost half a million to get those scores for the kids.
Jon said this scandal was the side door thing. He said this guy came up with a way of getting these kids into the school with their SAT scores. Jon said you can lobby the college board to take the SAT with extra time. He said that's for kids with learning disabilities. He said they figured out how to make that work. Howard said he knows people who have kids like that and they need the time. He said it's not easy to get that extra time.
Howard asked how they got the extra time. Jon said this guy had people who would help them get it. He said they'd submit their test and the proctor would fill it out with all the right answers. He said they had him on the take. He said the extra time SAT aren't monitored like the regular ones. Howard said Lori Loughlin is going to go to jail while her daughter is on Instagram. He said this is a big deal and they're going to go to jail over this stuff. He said Felicity Huffman is going to go to jail. He said she was arrested with guns drawn.
Jon said the other thing is this athletic thing. He said they would take pictures of the kids and Photoshop them on to other athletes. He said they would get you in on the team and then you skip the whole process of getting into the school. Jon said they had that scam going on as well. Jon explained how all of that worked.
Howard said he was reading about a kid who got in on a water polo scholarship and the Photoshop was so bad that they had to ask them to do it again. Jon said there are also ways to get in by paying a charity. Howard said that once you get into the tax evasion it's really bad. He said you do it illegally through a charity and it's a big deal.
Jon said you write a check to a charitable organization and you get your kid in and then the charity pays off the proctor to get them in. He said it was a brilliant scheme. Howard said these criminals are brilliant and they love the action of getting away with shit.
Robin said Felicity Huffman only paid like $15,000. Jon said that was for the test being taken. He said the other one was Lori Loughlin and she paid like $250,000. He said they have her on tape. Howard asked what happens to her character on Fuller House. Jon said she might be taking a long trip to Europe on the show.
Howard asked how you live with yourself when you do that. Robin said it's funny that William H. Macy isn't involved in this. Robin said they had him on tape. Howard said he's a better actor than she is so maybe that's why. Jon said maybe he didn't do anything incriminating. He said Lori Loughlin's father is all over this. Howard said she's being held on a million dollars bail.
Howard said the thing that sucks is that these rich people get off. He said just look at Paul Manafort. He said the guy got off light with that jail sentence. He said just let the kids do their thing instead of being able to tell people that your kid is a genius.
Howard asked what's up with Trump not wanting his SAT scores being revealed. Jon said you can read into that. Howard said he's not sure why he wants to keep it quiet. Jon said that these propel go to great schools for a reason. He said they end up in these great schools and we all know why.
Howard said there was a great story in the paper about this. Robin said when you see your lazy kid doing nothing then why force them into school.
Howard read this article and they said that there is one rule for the rich. They had people who got into big schools even though they were average students. Howard said she says that there is a level of transparency there. Howard said this middle door is really fucked up.
Howard said Lori Loughlin's daughter is on the phone. He took the call from fake Lori Loughlin's daughter. It was Wendy the Slow Adult clips being played for her voice. They had Wendy saying yes to everything and grunting out answers to stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who is a guidance counselor. He said what parents would do is show up to his office and say that they think their son had a learning disability. He said they'd get a doctor to say they did and then they were able to get the accommodations on the SAT so they could get a better score.
Howard said if he had 5 months to take the test he would have had the same score. Howard said he went to some kind of center to take classes for the SAT test. He said they give you a practice book and all of that. He said he went down 200 points. He said he took the course and went down.
Robin said Howard talked about something that he did in school and how he got a tutor. She said that she didn't know that was possible. She said they got no tutors.
Howard said the new book Howard Stern Comes Again is number one on Amazon and on other places. He said it's number one in Canada too. He said the best part is that he named the book Howard Stern Comes Again and you can break it down into categories for how they said it. He said some would laugh and some wouldn't even say the name. He said that Mario Lopez just giggled. He said he didn't say the name.
Howard said this is a normal announcement. He played a clip of a news report where the woman said the name no problem. Howard said she just got through it. He said this guy says it slow and it's funny. He played that clip and the guy said it a little slower. Howard played another one where they didn't even say the name. He said it must be too dirty to say. He said that's why Memet has to get it that he can't put that billboard up where he's cumming on people.
Howard played Mario Lopez clip where he was giggling at the name of the book. Howard said he didn't even say it but he was giggling about it when he was reading his lines about the story.
Howard said there was a lot of hoopla over the book. He said he's having to make changes to the book already. He said that he has to figure out what shows he's going to be going on. He said they want to have a meeting over where he's going to appear. He said they're having a meeting to discuss what he's going to do. He said he spoke to them yesterday but he still has to have this meeting.
Robin said Howard gets an avalanche of requests when other people have to request going on shows. Howard said he has to go out and promote and SiriusXM loves that. He said he knows he's going to want to be a hero. He said they're going to ask him to do all of these shows and he's just going to do them. He said he has 9 weeks of promotion to do. He said he has to really tell them in the meeting that they have to be smart about this. He said he'll have a heart attack and drop dead. He said he knows he's going to over commit. Jon said he has to set the bar real low.
Howard said he has to do the late night shows. He said why not. He said he doesn't know which ones sell the most books. He said they may not even know. Robin said the morning shows may work too. She said that's where authors go. Jon said they have about a million more people watching the morning shows than the late shows do. Howard said he's getting a lot of requests to appear. He said podcasts are asking him to come on. He said he should go on all of those shows they call into.
Howard said the SAT scam really messed his head up. He said these parents are really making sure their kids get through life. Robin said here are a lot of parents who are doing the essays and stuff and creating a list of community service and things. Jon said one of his friends did that for their kid. He said it's so obvious that the kid didn't do it.
Howard said his head was spinning thinking about Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman being in prison. Robin said this is just because of the way they got their kid into college. Robin said they're in there with rapists and murderers.
Howard asked Fred Ronnie what he thinks about this. Fred did his Ronnie character with the puppet talking about seeing Lori Loughlin in prison and how hot that is and things like that.
Howard spoke to Alex about his new book ''Howard Stern Comes Again.'' Alex was talking about Howard being a globalist and how he doesn't want to talk to a globalist. Howard said he has never seen his studio before. Howard asked if those are the products that he uses. Alex said they are and he said he will get some of those products. Alex told him to talk about his book and then said he has a Howard Stern puppet that he's going to mock him with. He did his Howard impression talking about his book. Howard said that he's going to sue him because people really think that's him.
Alex said he has an interview Howard did with Hillary Clinton back at K-Rock. He had a made up interview clip that was very short.
Howard said this is the only place he can really do stuff without worry. Alex said Howard understands him. Alex said he has Roger Stone coming in soon so he has to let him go. Howard got in a plug for his book and said he hopes people enjoy it. He said he has some conspiracy theories in the book. Alex got in some plugs before he wrapped up his interview with Howard.
Howard let Alex go and Robin said she loved the Howard puppet. Howard said that they're laughing because there is a full blown out Alex Jones puppet show going on during that. He said it's really good. He said there you go. He said he forgot about the Hillary Clinton interview.
Howard said he loves The Walking Dead but they do things on that show that make him crazy. Howard said he'd like to interview the guy who runs the show. He said that he has to ask why he puts a show on that you can't see. He said he'd be upset about that. He said if he ran a network and he saw one of his producers that is pitch black and you can't see it he'd have to say something. Howard said in television they have different directors weekly. He said they have to have that so they can get them out weekly. Howard said they should fire whoever directed this episode. Howard said there was a big fight scene and there were heads being chopped off and he couldn't see a thing. He said he couldn't tell you who died. He said it's like TV for blind people. He said he wasn't able to see a thing.
Howard asked who the executive is that runs AMC. Robin said that Greg Nicotero is the guy who runs the show. Howard said he needs the name of the guy who runs AMC. Fred had a couple of names. Howard said they should fire the guys who let these shows on when they're too dark. Richard came in and talked about how great Greg Nicotero is. Howard said they want reality and he's not looking for that. He said he has to see it. He said they used to light the set. Richard said he likes the blue lights at night in horror movies. Howard said he's all for that. He said JD knows to use that and he went to Full Sail. He said JD got in there on his own without his parents help too.
Howard said these young directors want to make the show look real. He said we don't need real. He said he wants to be able to see it.
Richard mentioned something about Howard looking good on his book cover. Howard said he had Andrew Echols take that shot. He said that he worked with him before. He said that he thinks he looks horrible but Beth told him he looks good. He said she had to talk him through to use it. He said that he looks at it and doesn't think he looks like that. Howard said he thinks he should look like Norman Reedus. He said he should look like Rob Zombie or someone like that. Richard said he likes that ring he has on too. Howard said he doesn't wear them that much anymore. He said he bought a bunch down in the Village. He said he forgets the guy's name but they're really cool. Robin asked why he can't remember anyone's name. Howard said that's because he's old.
Howard got more names from The Walking Dead. He said that he blames the guys who run AMC for letting the shows look so dark. He said they have to get the show lit right. He said you have to be able to see it. Howard said forget about the young people thinking they want to see that. He said this is bullshit. He said he's like a 5 year old himself. He said Richard loves horror films. He told him to get out of there. He said he's exhausted. Howard said he's not even talking about Greg Nicotero. He said that they don't know if he directed that episode. Richard said he's in charge of that show.
Howard said Sarah Barnett is the president of AMC and other channels. Howard said she has to listen to him. He said she's in charge of too many channels. He said she has to do something about this. He said he can't even see what's going on during that show. He said he'd be telling them that they're not paying for that show because he can't see it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in his 30s and he agrees with him on this. He asked if this is going to be the wave of the future. Howard said yes. He said they are and young people are suffering. He said they can't see their shows. Howard said they used to shoot shows at night and you could see them. He said he sees a lot of bad directing going on.
Howard said this is going on with Game of Thrones too. He said it's these young punks coming out of directing school. He said Steven Spielberg figured it out already. He said there are other people who figured it out. Howard said all of these guys have figured it out. He said these new guys want to put their stamp on things. The caller said that these new generations want to ruin things for new generations by killing the stuff from previous generations.
Howard said they shoot sex scenes in dark rooms too. He asked why they would put titties in a dark scene. He said there's no reason to have them out if you can't see them.
Howard said Gary gave him the password to MrSkin.com and he wasn't sure what he wanted to look at. Gary said it was Kate Beckinsale he wanted to see. Howard said that's right. He asked why he didn't tell him that in the email. He told Gary to send him an email about that.
Howard said there was a video about fingering women. He said this Asian woman was carrying on with a finger in her and it was such bullshit. Robin said she didn't know Mr. Skin did porn. Howard said he wants to go on and search for Kate Beckinsale's titties. Robin said she thought that was the whole point.
Howard took a call from a guy who said you have to watch The Walking Dead in a pitch black room and you can make out some of the details. Howard said he had to put all of the blinds down to watch. He said when people are inept at their jobs it makes him fucking crazy. He said there is a lackadaisical attitude. He said the editor must have turned to the director and said he can't see what's going on. He said they act like this is normal.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got his first radio gig and he's nervous about it. He asked if they have any advice. Howard asked if it's a radio station or a podcast. The caller said it's a radio job. He said he's going to be on the air. Howard said he has a nice voice and he speaks well. Howard said he will be nervous. He said he was when he started out. Howard said it's probably a shithole station but that's where you start and work your way up. The caller said it's a good rock station actually but he has a shitty time slot. Howard said he had such a fear being on the air. He said he was working mornings in Hartford. He said Fred knew him back then. He said that was a big deal and he was a wreck. He said it takes years of practice to get over it. He said that is a courageous thing to do. He said he wishes him luck with that.
Howard said you have to be stronger today than in the past. He said with social media they can destroy your spirit. He said carry on and make yourself proud. Howard said he still gets nervous when he calls into a radio show to this day.
Howard asked the guy, John, if he wanted to talk up a song. Fred played a song and had the guy try to talk it up. He did an okay job for someone in Utah. Howard did the talk up himself to show him how it's done. Howard said he hit the post. He wished John luck with his career. He said it's the stupidest career ever. Howard said he used to work at a progressive rock station. He said they would talk about what songs to play into other songs. He said it was so awful.
Howard said then his father got a hold of him and said any idiot could replace him. He said you don't need college to get that job. He said his father didn't bribe anyone to get him into college. He did his father and mother's voices telling him what an idiot he is. Howard had his dad telling him not to be on the air if he can't talk. Howard said his dad was right but he had an odd way of saying it. He said he'd call him an idiot.
Howard had his mother telling him that he was a special little boy. He said he wasn't sure if he was a moron or special. Robin said he was a special moron.
Howard said he has to get out of there. He said he's fucking exhausted. He said he has 3 more hours to go. Howard said they're supposed to be going through the computer with the staff. He said he has to get to a break so he can get out of there on time today. He said he has to have that meeting about what shows to go on. Robin said they have to find the shows to cross off the list. Howard said if everyone just bought a copy of the book he wouldn't have to do this. He said it is fun though. He said maybe it's fun to hear him miserable on the air.
Howard said he has to go through every movie where Kate Beckinsale is naked. Robin asked if he just has to see Pete Davidson's girlfriend. Howard said he has always liked her. He said he thinks about her now that she's dating Pete. He said you think you can date her too. He said he wanted to go on and see her titties on MrSkin.com He told Gary to get him that site so he can look them up.
Howard said he has a new app that locks up his passwords so he won't forget it. Gary came in and told Howard what the biggest names are for searches on that site. Gary mentioned a bunch and Howard didn't care. He did light up when he heard Brie Larson. Howard said he went on and saw what she was wearing on Jimmy Kimmel. He said if she's wearing something nice he's going to watch the whole thing. He said she's cute. Howard said he can't believe he wastes his time with that.
Gary told Howard they will give you suggestions based on who you look at. Howard said he's going to try not to get into that endless loop of looking at other women. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said Gary was in there waxing poetic about MrSkin.com. He was telling him about the daily things they do on the site. Gary said they have special features on that site that he gets into. Robin said the thing about Gary is that he could tutor him. Gary said he is an expert in Mr. Skin. He said he spends more time on that site than any other site. Howard said he likes vinyl and Mr. Skin.
Howard asked if Gary ever beats off to Mr. Skin. Gary said he just looks at the stuff. He said he needs a plot to jerk off. Howard said he gets that.
Howard said enough of that. Robin said he came in with full details about the way that site works.
Howard said he has to take some calls and then they should get to the guys and get through the computer stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who was named Keegan. He said that he has never heard that name before. The caller said his parents chose it for him. He said he was hoping to be the only one but Keegan Michael Key has the name too. Howard said enough with the name stuff. Keegan told Howard that these people are rich and they paid that kind of money to help their kids and he doesn't think it's so bad. Howard said it is because it's against the law. He said these people work their asses off to get into school and these rich kids are taking their place.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said the mama cat is having kittens. Howard said he has to explain this. He said that his wife is dealing with a mother cat who is giving birth. Another caller said that she's showing it on Instagram. The guy said that they're watching them coming out live. Howard said this cat was in a horrible situation. He said this cat was about to give birth and he was hoping it would happen over the weekend. He said it's an amazing thing to watch it. He said he knew it was going to happen while he was at work. He said his wife is helping with it. The caller said that there was a lot of blood in the video. He said he put it on and she was asking for someone to call and tell him it was happening.
Howard said they always vowed not to do the live stream but she had to do it for this live birth. He said he wishes he was there for it. Robin said it's educational. Howard said it's amazing because the cats are programmed and they know what to do. He said it's fucking wild.
The caller said it was disgusting to watch that part where the cat licked off the blood and stuff. He said it was a cool experience to see it. Robin said at one time human beings knew that stuff too. She said they had instincts to bring children into the world. Howard said he's sorry he missed all of that.
Howard took a call from Jeff Jarvis who said that he was searching for Howard Stern on Amazon and the new book didn't come up at all. He said he went on HowardStern.com to find it. Howard said the publisher said you have to search for ''Howard Stern Comes Again.'' Jeff said the book isn't being discounted so he was kind of upset about that. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said he doesn't know.
Jeff said he is at number 1 already. He said he bets this one will be bigger than the last 2. He said that he didn't do any promotion and he became number 1. He said that's amazing. Howard said he has to go out and promote it because he's so proud of it.
Jeff asked him to tell us what is in the book. Howard explained again how it all started and what he was going to do with his favorite interviews and things like that. He said they were going to be in a coffee table book. He said then he started thinking about what it was like going to SiriusXM and then about each person in the interviews and then he was cutting up the interviews and writing introductions for that. Howard said then he thought about other things to put in there.
Jeff asked what it is that makes him the best interviewer. Howard said he talks about that in the book. He said he talks about his voice changing over the years and what happened in his personal life that changed the way he approaches things. He said he got into the process. He said he thinks fans and broadcasters will all be interested in it.
Howard said there was a thing he didn't talk about on the air and he explains that in the book. He said he began to write about that and that's kind of fun too. He said not fun but it's interesting. He said Robin knew about that.
Howard said he tried not to over write. He said he wanted it to be a fun read. He said he edited the shit out of it. He said he threw out a whole book and started over again. He said he worked on this for 2 years and he thinks it was worth the wait.
Jeff said he may assign the book to his students. He said he's teaching now and he always tells his students about Howard's style of interviewing. Howard said he thinks it would be good for that. He said it's a good read.
Jeff said Howard is more than the sum of his parts. He said he wrote that for TV Guide years ago. He said he thinks it's great.
Howard said he read the interviews and it was an amazing process to do that. He said that when you read what they say it's inspirational. He said that he goes into who he thinks is the best interview he's ever had. He said he thinks it's going to be interesting.
Jeff asked if he has any blurbs. Howard said he took stuff from the book and put them on the cover. He said he's not going to sit there asking people to help him with that. He said he doesn't like blurbs.
Robin said they should guess who his favorite interviews were. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel said they're trying to figure out what he lied about on the air. He said Jimmy didn't tell him what they were guessing. Jeff asked Robin who she thinks is the best interview. Howard said they won't be able to guess it. Robin asked if it's a really famous person. Howard said yes. He said he won't tell her if she's right or wrong yet. He said he eventually will.
Robin asked if it was early or late in their time on the air. Howard said it was on Sirius. He said most of them are on Sirius. He said he explains why in the book. Robin guessed it was Madonna. Fred said he thinks it's between Trump and Letterman. Howard said he's not going to say who it was. Howard said he should buy a copy of the book. Fred said he has ordered it.
Jeff said he dedicated his book to Howard. Howard said he didn't dedicate his to anyone. He said if he does then it opens a can of worms. He said everyone thinks he should be dedicating things to them. Jeff said Howard got upset with him for doing that in his book. Howard said he did write it for someone and that's sort of a dedication.
Howard said he mentioned everyone in the book but Fred. He was joking about that. He said he mentioned Fred. Howard said everyone looks through the book for themselves. He said he just cut out all of that horse shit. He said it's 560 pages and a lot of it is the interviews he loves. He said he didn't get into that nonsense of thank yous and stuff. Howard said just read the book.
Howard was about to Jeff go and Fred took another guess of McCartney. Jeff said that he was thinking that too. Jeff said even Colbert was good with what he revealed. Gary asked if he can guess. Howard said he's not sure he wants him to. He said he's privy to some of the things he was talking about. Gary said the people in the office are thinking that after his Billy Joel interview his style of interviewing changed. Howard said that's interesting. Howard said he's not going to say yet. He said this is going to be a slow reveal.
Howard asked Gary what they're thinking his lie was about. Gary said he's not sure he can say. He said he's kind of afraid to guess. He said there was a day he wasn't there and they thought there was a different reason he wasn't there. Gary said that's what they're thinking. Howard said that's a pretty good guess. Howard joked that he went out and got a toupee. He said he will reveal all of this but in the book.
Howard asked where Jeff is working. Jeff told Howard he's at the Craig Newmark Graduate School of Journalism at CUNY. Howard said he should take a break and get to the computer stuff.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said that he has said his favorite interview was Paul McCartney. Howard said read the book. He said you'll see it in there. Janks congratulated him on the book.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if there are any lists in the book. Howard said he can't do that after the hard time he gave Gary and Jon Hein about their lists in their books. Howard said he sat down and said there won't be lists in his book.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who asked if he's critical of anyone in the book. Howard said yes he is. He said he's not saying who it is though. Robin said that she said some people may not like what they read. Howard said that's true. Wolfie said he can't wait to read that stuff.
Howard said Benjy is going to be very upset about what he wrote. He said he actually didn't mention him in the book. He said this book is about the interviews. Benjy said he's going to be hurt if he's not in it. Howard said it's not that kind of book. He said it's not the Benjy story. He said that he did mention some of the people. Howard said give him a fucking break. Benjy said he's hurt if he's not in there. Benjy asked if he would be upset if he wasn't mentioned in his book. Howard said he would ban him from mentioning his name. Robin said she would not be upset if Howard left her out of his book. Benjy said she is either unaware or a liar. Robin said Howard said the book was about the interviews so why would she be mentioned. Benjy said she's on the show though. Howard said never mind that just go write a book. Benjy asked if he's in the book at all. Howard said there was one but he cut it out.
Howard said there will be a piece of paper in there that will force someone to sit with Benjy during the show. Benjy asked if Richard and Sal are in there. Howard said he doesn't think so. Benjy said he rescued a bird yesterday. Howard stopped responding to him and played him off with a song parody to the tune of ''Baby Shark.'' They went to break after that.
Richard said it's like when Jabba the Hutt rubs up against Princess Leia. No one said a word. Richard apologized.
Howard said Ronnie is in there. He asked if he's angry because he looks pissed off. Ronnie said he's always angry, just ask Stephanie. Howard asked if he has ever found out what he's pissed off about. Ronnie said he has been talking to a new shrink.
Howard asked if they can tell this story. Ronnie said sure. Howard said the reason he's ate a new shrink is because the shrink did the worst thing you can ever do. He fell asleep on Ronnie. Robin asked how you can do that to Ronnie. Ronnie said talk about being angry. He said he said something to the guy. He said the guy said he didn't know what he was talking about. He said he basically called him a liar saying that he was just resting his eyes. Howard said he was fully asleep though. Ronnie said he was. He said he still had to pay for the session too.
Howard said you'd think being his therapist there was no way you could fall asleep. Howard said Ronnie thought that he may have had lunch right before and fell asleep because of that. Howard said that's the worst betrayal. He said he's glad Ronnie is going to a shrink. He said imagine the anger he'd have if he wasn't going.
Ronnie said he jumped right back in after that. Robin asked if he told him he was leaving. Ronnie said no. He said he was pissed and left that day and called back telling them he wasn't going to come back. Robin said she was just wondering. She asked if he tried to talk him out of it. Ronnie said no.
Howard asked if he has this feeling that he's boring. Ronnie said this new guy is really cool so no. He said this guy is good. Howard said Ronnie had a guy who was really good before that guy. Ronnie said that guy was awesome but he retired. Howard asked if he's getting to the reason that he's so angry. Ronnie said he's still trying to figure it out. Fred Ronnie said it was because he kept putting tent pegs up his ass.
Howard said he has Ronnie's therapist on the phone. He took the call from the guys in the back who were doing the voice of the guy. The guy fell asleep as soon as he heard Ronnie's voice. Howard said Ronnie said he was very upset. The shrink was snoring and talking in his sleep.
Robin said it seems like he's able to bond with this new guy pretty quick. Ronnie said he's good. Howard still had the fake shrink on. Ronnie told that guy to shut up. Ronnie said this new guy is like the guy he had before for 11 years. He said he's a guy you can open up to. He said he's very welcoming. Shuli asked if he has anything in common with the guy. Ronnie asked what that means. Shuli had to explain. He asked if he's a ladies man too. Ronnie said he is. Shuli said he knew it. He said he shouldn't know that. He said there had to be a connection there. Ronnie said he brought up something that he shouldn't talk about.
Chris asked if he has really bad tattoos too. Ronnie told him to shut up and asked when his flight is back to Canada. Chris said that's a low blow.
Howard asked if they talked about sex. Ronnie said it wasn't that. He said he's not going to get into that. Howard said if he wants a show on these channels then he can record those sessions. Ronnie said the guy isn't a ladies man but they have something in common. Fred Ronnie was doing his voice and talking about stuff they could talk about in therapy. Howard snored while he did that.
Howard said he's not sure how a guy falls asleep on Ronnie. Ronnie said he was really angry in that session too. He said he's not sure how he fell asleep. Howard said he'd have one eye open with angry Ronnie. Howard said he's sorry that happened to him. Ronnie said it sucked.
JD laughed at Ronnie for some reason. He said it was because he looked off into the distance and it looked funny.
Howard said these are announcements that they had for him, Ronnie and Fred. He played some clips and the hosts were reading phony names that they made up like Ronnie's On All Fours and things like that.
Howard said for the past few months they were working on this next bit. He said they sent in fake names for Gary and only Gary. They made up names that sounded like Gary Steals Lox, Gary's Lazy and stupid, Gary plays solitaire while at work, Gary blows Jon Hein, Gary loves teen anal, Gary's girlfriend shit out his cum and more.
Howard asked Gary why he's checking his watch. Gary said his wife was driving home and he's hoping she's out of the car by now.
Howard asked Gary why that girlfriend did the shitting thing. Gary said she wanted him to see it. Howard asked if she asked him to come in and look at her doody to see his cum on top of it. Gary said that's basically it. Howard said that's gross. Gary said it was a quick glance. Howard said women he banged don't even want him to know they go to the bathroom. He said no one has ever asked him to do anything like that. Ronnie was cracking up saying that's totally insane. Howard asked if Ronnie wants that. Ronnie said he's seen his cum in the toilet but never in shit. Howard said that's gross.
Howard asked if they're ready for this. Robin said they are. Howard played the clip and they had radio hosts reading the made up names that sounded like Gary Steals Lox, Gary's Stupid Vinyl, Gary Scratched my Tesla, Gary's teeth are green, Gary's a mooch, Gary's lazy, Gary plays solitaire at work, Gary blows Jon Hein, Gary loves teen anal and Gary's old girlfriend pooped out his cum.
Howard said there was only one that didn't go through. It sounded ''Gary swallows Jon Hein's load'' and it didn't work out. He played the clip and the guy was reading the name and they were trying to figure out what it said. They had it close but they apologized for butchering the name.
Howard said they have something new and they sent in a lost and found announcement. They had a guy reading that someone lost office supplies. They read stuff that Gary has talked about over the years. they had a phone number with a bunch of 9s in it and an email of ShrimpLover1961@...
Howard said that's some tribute. He said here's another one for Robin and Howard's pet monkey Gary. He played that clip next. The radio hosts read the name of the monkey which was Gary. The host said she's dying to see a photo.
Howard said happy birthday to Gary. He said the guys put in a lot of hours into that. Richard said they put in a lot. He said it was a lot of research to do that. Howard said they tried to get in one that said ''Gary thinks he could have fucked Jennifer Aniston.'' Richard said the guy just looked at it and went right past it. He said when they do say one of these it's like NASA landed on Mars. He said it's awesome when they do that.
Howard played a song parody that they had Gary sing about his girlfriend shitting out his load. They went to break after that.
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Ronnie said Shuli was out in the hall fighting yesterday. He said that he as getting steamed up in the glasses. He said he was so pissed that Brent took it so serious. Shuli said everyone gets their turn there. He said he wasn't getting personal. Howard said Brent was upset he called him ugly. Shuli said he really didn't call him ugly. He said he called him creepy. He said there's a difference there.
Howard said Brent is very sensitive. Shuli said he apologized to him for that. He said he wasn't trying to hurt him. He said he asked him why he'd get upset with him since he's not John Stamos. He said things got really quiet in the office.
Howard said JD got pissed at Jason yesterday too. JD said he was criticizing work he's done so yeah. Howard said he was the one saying he hasn't really directed anything. Jason came in and said he didn't mock the work he did. He said he just hasn't done any work. JD said goodbye to him. Howard said Ronnie hates Jason now too. Ronnie said ''Now?'' Howard said JD and Ronnie are fighting with Jason. Ronnie said Jason just has a way about him. He said he'll ask you a question in a way. He said that he was out in the hall talking about something and Jason came over asking ''What was that about?'' Jason said he heard him screaming over there so he came over to ask what was going on. Ronnie said he was talking to someone else. Howard asked why he's talking so much.
Gary said there were donuts out one day and Jason asked what they were. He said Ronnie asked him what the fuck he cares about. Howard said he heard about this. He said Ronnie is in the wrong about this. He said when there's food in the hall Ronnie should know who put it there. Gary said this was a different thing.
Jason said this was a big tall box and Ronnie had his hands in there. He said he didn't know what he was doing. Ronnie said he had a knife in his hand and he was cutting it. He said someone brought in these Cronuts which are like donuts. He said he didn't come out with a plate and take the whole thing. He said he took a knife to cut a piece off to see how it was. He said Jason asked what he was doing. He said he was just cutting that thing. He said he looked at him like he was committing a murder.
Howard said he heard Ronnie was all irate over this. He said he was asked where it came from and he didn't know. Ronnie said he didn't but he told them to throw it out. Ronnie said they were all eating it already. Gary said someone opened the box of candy to make it look like it had been vetted. Jason said that he asked Ronnie if he knew where they came from. Ronnie said there was no sign. Jason said he wanted to thank whoever did. Ronnie said he knew who left the donuts. Ronnie said he knew where the donuts came from. He said the candy is a different story.
Gary said no on knew where the candy came from. Ronnie said it was there already. Howard said if he doesn't know where it came from then throw it out. Ronnie said it was there already. Jason said Gary ate a piece of rotting chocolate the other day. Gary said he assumes that it's been vetted. Jason said Ronnie is responsible for vetting all of that stuff. Ronnie said he didn't know where the candy came from. He said he did with the donuts.
Howard said there's a lot going on out there. He said there were a lot of fights going on. He said it's wild. Jason said he thinks that JD is upset with him because he has wasted his opportunities to direct. He said he thinks he's really mad at himself. JD said this is a guy who thinks he's his friend. He said he doesn't hang out with him anymore and hasn't for years.
Gary asked if JD's wedding was tomorrow would he invite everyone but Jason. JD said that's one of the reasons he didn't invite anyone. He said he knew it would turn into a bit. Ronnie asked what happened with him and Jon then. JD said it was just family.
Howard said in a lot of ways Jason takes the brunt of anger there. He said that Gary was going to have people over to watch a game and he stopped it because of Jason. Gary said he reported on everything there at the party. He said he had to stop it.
Gary said he dropped a grand on that day and he had all of this stuff there and he was cleaning up and realized they were just going to fuck with him so he canceled it.
Robin said it sounds like JD hates Jason. JD said he's fine outside of work but not at work. He said he's not comfortable going out with him outside because he'll bring it back to work. JD said it's like Jason has to prove every day that he's the best worker.
Jon said that JD works so hard on the show. He said that he doesn't have the time to direct the stuff he wants to. JD said there is truth in both of what they're saying. He said he doesn't want to talk about this stuff ever again. Howard said he wanted to be the director for the book promotion. He said that he hasn't done anything like that before so he can't have him do it. Ronnie said he did direct the film about him for the movie festival.
Shuli said he doesn't trust Jason at all. He said he hasn't been on his Xbox friend list for 5 years after he reported on him during this paternity leave.
Ronnie asked if he wants to talk about the Brent thing they talked about in the car yesterday. Howard said they were talking about Brent swinging. Ronnie said he thinks Brent is making a mistake. He said bringing another guy into it isn't right. He said the guy is probably going to have a big cock and she's going to want to leave Brent. Ronnie said Brent thinks he has it all under control. Howard said they were talking to Brent about the noises she makes and Brent said he has it under control. Howard said Ronnie said he's not sure how he has it under control. Howard said he thinks Ronnie is right that he's making a mistake.
Brent came in and said he thinks he's fine. Howard said he must have gotten jealous of the other thing he had. Brent said he can't talk about that on the air. Gary asked if she says she's never been fucked like that before is that going to be okay with him. Brent said yes. Ronnie asked how he thinks that's going to be okay. He asked why he'd want to put himself out there with that. Howard said he loves her, right? Brent said of course. He said if she does fall for someone else there's nothing he can do about that. Ronnie said he can do something.
Howard said Brent is going to be fucking this black chick and what if it's different. Ronnie said what if her pussy is really tight. Howard said take it easy over there. He said lets say that he develops feelings for that black woman. Brent said he won't. He said he's had these experiences. He said he needs somewhere fun to stick it. He said they don't understand that. Ronnie said he thinks he has it under control and he doesn't. Brent said that being non monogamous is a choice that people make.
Howard said he's so in love with his wife he can't imagine seeing someone else fuck her in front of him. Brent said that's fine but they're on their own adventure. Ronnie asked if she's on that adventure too. Brent said she is.
Brent said he talked to his wife last night and she thinks that Shuli is brow beating her. Shuli said he didn't even bring her up. Brent said he did too. He said go back and listen.
Shuli said he got email from a guy who said the swinging thing is easy and Brent is making a bigger deal out of it. Brent said he has to shut the fuck up and let him talk. Brent said that they have a different thing going on. He said he was accusing him of things yesterday that weren't true. Brent said he has people telling him that this is the way it goes for some people. He told Shuli to stop acting like an expert.
Howard said if his wife is getting fucked so hard and good he thinks he has that under control. Shuli said he doesn't even have himself under control. Brent said he can't do anything about it anyway. He said he does this because he's turned on by it. Robin said she thinks Brent has things to work out and he should go back to therapy.
Ronnie asked why he needs a dick involved. He said it should just be girls. Howard said Brent wants to see his wife fucking another dude so that's why he's doing it. Chris asked why it's black women. Brent said he's attracted to black women. He said his wife doesn't have a preference. Brent said he's really attracted to black women.
Ronnie said there's no way that Stephanie is going to be with another guy. He said he's not going to watch that going on. He said he's not sure why Brent wants to see that.
Howard asked if it always has to be an even swap. He asked if a guy can come in and fuck his wife if he doesn't have a wife. Brent said yes. He said they were talking to a girl last night actually. He said he got a lot of messages last night about this.
Ronnie said they also talked about Brent's tattoos in the car. He said they were trying to figure out why you can't fuck when you have a new tattoo. Brent said you can't fuck when you have an open wound. He said you have to be careful with germs. He said it can get infected.
Howard said maybe it's a thing in Tampa. Brent said it is a thing in Tampa. He said Gary knows about that. Gary asked what he's talking about. Brent said they were at the Dollhouse and Gary turned to him saying he had no idea what was going on there. Gary said that his wife did ask where the fuck they were one night.
Howard said Gary is pretty wild. He watched a woman shit out his cum. Brent said he liked the story about Gary banging a girl who threw up and then went back to fucking her.
Howard said a lot of questions came up about Brent in the car. He said they were asking the appropriate questions. Howard said he heard there are drivers who don't talk at all.
Howard said the thing he doesn't get is why they're waiting weeks to bang this couple. Brent said he can't talk about exactly why. He said they have to wait though. Shuli said that he's asking the same question that the other guys are asking and Brent gets upset with him. Brent said it's the intent. He said that he's acting like an asshole. Brent said they decided going out that night that nothing was going to happen. He said they're getting to know each other. Robin said they don't know because they're not in the swinging community.
Jon said that it sounds like they're developing a relationship and that's what's throwing them off. Brent said they're getting to know each other so they're friends.
Howard said Chris is a friend of Brent and Katelyn's. He asked Chris if this is dangerous for them. Chris said it's not for him. He said he was with his ex and the idea of him being with someone else was bad. He broke up with him because of it. Howard asked if he thinks this could go wrong with Brent. Chris said he thought it could and he thinks there are things they have to work out. He said there is a sensitivity there.
Howard said he would be careful. He said he's saying this with peace and love. Brent said he's very attached to her. Chris said she's a wonderful woman. He said she's very good to him. He said he can go to her when Ralph isn't available. He said he hopes they can work it out.
Howard said he's on the phone with Ralph like 3 hours a night. He asked if Ralph is failing for him. Chris said that it got deep last night. Howard said he can talk to women for 3 hours a night but not a dude. He asked if there's something there. Chris said it's not romantic. He said Andy Cohen sent him a private message. He said he and Ralph were trying to come up with the response back to Andy. He said Ralph thinks he should invite Andy out with his friends. He said he doesn't have any friends though. He said that he and The Lump and the Priest and Boy guy are going out to a pub so do you want to come. Chris said that Ralph might want to go out. Gary said he might be trying to steal Andy from him.
Howard asked Chris if he's falling in love with Ralph. Chris said he's a great friend. He said a lot of the conversation is about him. He said that's nice about that. Gary said that will change if he dates Ralph. Chris said he finds Ralph very interesting.
Howard said he has Hard Core Brent on the phone. He said he's in Tampa swinging right now. Howard took the call and fake Brent was talking about the swinging thing and had his music playing behind him.
Howard asked what else Gary has. Gary said there was a tweet that a reporter read about having ''mass debates'' and the guy didn't get that it was a ''masturbating'' joke. The other reporter told him not to repeat it so she did it instead. Ronnie said what a fucking moron that guy was.
Gary said that this woman, Amy Freeze, said the word ''cunt'' accidentally while talking about pet hair cuts. She's a weather woman. Ronnie said he knows her. He said she tries to be sexy. He said she has these big knees so she must be a runner. He said she's kind of hot but her dresses should come down below her knees. He said they're giant knees. He said she has a good ass and big tits too. He said she has these big knees he doesn't like. He said she talks about running a lot. Howard said Ronnie says he can make her look better. Ronnie said if she calls him he'll tell her what to wear. Howard played the clip of Amy saying ''post cut'' and accidentally saying ''post cunt'' accidentally.
Howard said Benjy claims he dated her. Gary said they met on a dating site. Howard had Benjy come in to talk about that. Benjy said they went on a date. He said it was just one date. Howard asked if she didn't like him. Benjy said they went out to dinner and talked. He said he helped her move too. Howard said she figured out how to hire a guy to move her instead of paying someone to do it. Benjy said he kept volunteering for that stuff.
Howard asked if he knew who she was. Benjy said this was over a year and a half ago. He said he was shocked that she was famous. He said they went out to an ABC party together too. Chris said ''Here's my mover...'' as if he were introducing him. Benjy said he helped her move and took apart her beds and stuff like that. Howard asked if she said the word cunt. Benjy said what messed it up was that he complained about sleep. He said she works like 7 days a week and she has 5 adopted kids. He said she does all of this stuff and she looked like she was going to throw up when he complained about sleep. Howard said he hates when he complains about sleep. He said he's told him to just close his eyes and he'll sleep.
Gary said Amy sent him a video of herself installing a toilet. Benjy said she did but it wasn't anything sexual. He said he made a joke about hurricane Benjy last year. He said he didn't hear back. He said he ran into her at a funeral recently. He said they said hi but that's it.
Benjy said the pictures he uses on the dating apps are good ones. He said he tells the women that he's actually fat but he didn't tell her that. Richard asked if he got really sweaty around her. Benjy said he probably did. He said she was very nice though.
Howard said that was a big score for Benjy. Benjy said there was no score there. He said he didn't even get a kiss. Howard replayed the clip of her saying ''post cunt.''
Benjy said that there are a lot of famous people on these dating apps. Howard said Robin should try them. Robin said yeah and she'll get Benjy.
Howard said he has to take a break. Gary said he has one more. He said this guy was talking about the Phillies and he said this player was being suspended without pee instead of pay. Howard quickly played that and wrapped up the segment. Howard said goodbye to everyone and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said they have to do news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Robin said she didn't like that so much.
Howard said he was reading the paper this morning and they had a big picture of the Wooly Mammoth. He said scientists want to bring it back. He said these things wanted to eat us so why bring them back? He said they're giant elephant looking things. He asked how we stop them from creating them. Robin said they need a commission to oversee this kind of thing. He said you can't just bring back dinosaurs. He said there's this fascination with this stuff in Japan. He said it's just crazy. He said we should have a say in this. Robin said even picking the color of your child's eye color is too much tampering. Fred played her news theme over her talking. Robin said enough of that Fred. Fred turned up the volume.
Robin started off her news talking about A-Rod and J-Lo story. Robin said Jose Canseco was saying that A-Rod is cheating on J-Lo. Robin said if she had gotten engaged that would disturb her. Robin said they keep releasing more and more photos of their engagement encounter. Howard asked why they do that. Robin said it's like a roll out. Howard said how about keeping it low key instead. Gary said they say that the claims that Canseco made about steroids turned out be true so maybe he's not crazy. Howard said he also says Bigfoot and aliens exist. Gary said that's right.
Robin read more about J-Lo and A-Rod and said that she has 88 million followers on Instagram. Howard said she should put programming on there. Robin said A-Rod has 2.3 million. Howard said he thinks A-Rod likes the attention. He said she does too. Howard said he would slow down after 4 marriages. He said maybe they don't care. Robin said she's had several big weddings. She said they were more subdued with Mark Anthony. Howard said his movie Private Parts was about his great love affair and then he was divorced. He said he gets that. He said he was ashamed of that. He said he and Beth dated 9 years before getting married. He said he really thought it through so he wouldn't fuck it up again. Howard said J-Lo isn't Jenny from the Block. He said she's gone around the block a lot of times. Robin said she has had 5 engagements. Howard said she has to calm down.
Robin read a story about Matthew Perry getting kicked out of rehab for trying to hook up. Howard said it's boring in there. Robin said Perry was in a group situation apparently and you are supposed to pay attention. Robin said he was on his phone on a dating site. Howard said he doesn't blame him for that. He said he likes him now. He said that tickles him. Robin said he reveled it himself. He said he wrote that he got kicked out of rehab that day. It was just for one session though. He gets to go back. Fred played a Mark the Bagger drop where he says ''Pussy is the best. Pussy is the greatest.''
Robin read a story about Jussie Smollett being in court today. Robin said his lawyer wants cameras in the courtroom for the whole thing. Howard said he wants to be more famous.
Robin read a story about Lori Loughlin's daughter, Olivia Jade, getting into school thanks to her mom paying half a million. Robin said that the daughter says she doesn't really care about school that much anyway. Robin had some audio of the daughter talking about her travels and how she doesn't care about school. Robin asked why work so hard to get that kid in school if she doesn't care about it. Howard said these people just want their baby to go to an ivy league school. Robin had more audio of this kid apologizing for saying she doesn't care about school. Robin had some audio of Lori Loughlin on the Today show talking about her daughter going off to college. She said this was from 2017. Howard said that whole thing is so wacky. He said they're so caught up in where their kids are going to school. Robin said they have a whole list of people who were indicted in this case. Howard said Jon Hein was good talking about all of that this morning. He said he just read that Lori is going to surrender to police today. Robin said she was out of town when they came to get her.
Robin said the late night hosts are having fun with this story. Robin had some audio from The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Howard said Michael Cohen said that Trump told him to hide his SAT scores. Robin said the schools were threatened with being sued if they did release them. Howard said they talked about all of this earlier. He said he won't get back into it. Robin had a clip of Trevor Noah talking about this case.
Howard said George Bush went to Yale and he had a C average. He said everyone just figured it was because he was rich. Robin had another clip from Seth Meyers' show where he was talking about the cheating scheme.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that girl who tried to apologize was just doing it because she got caught. He said they think they can get away with everything. Howard said it's the parent's ego too. He asked who gives a fuck.
Howard said he was watching the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and he had a woman on singing. He said it was Maren Morris. He said Gary knew who she was but he had never heard of her. Howard said she sang a song called ''Girl.'' He said this was one of those rare moments that he listened all the way through. Fred had the song and played it for him. He asked if this was from the show. Fred said this is from the album. Howard said it's good. He said he won't play the whole thing but he finally fond someone he could dig. He said her big song is ''The Middle.'' He said he's never heard that. Fred played it for him. Howard said forget that one. He said he likes the other song. Robin said she's heard that one.
Howard said he was busy with that and watching American Idol. He said that he gets angry with Katy Perry thinking she's funny. He said she's not funny but he keeps watching her. He said she's making jokes and carrying on. He said he must be a fan. Robin said he's watching her so he is a fan. Howard said she was singing with a guy and he told her to sit down. He said he keeps watching though. He said she was on the floor doing the worm at one point. Robin said that doesn't make her want to watch. Howard said that's just not fair. He said she was distracting from this kid. He said good thing Beth was busy birthing kittens. Howard said Orlando Bloom must be banging her good with that big dick. He said she's one of the biggest pop stars in the world and she can't get enough attention. He said he keeps watching her.
Howard said then that Walking Dead came on and he got angry about it being so dark. He said he was on fire last night. He said he wasn't able to sleep. He said he went berserk when they announced the new Bachelorette. He said she sounds like JD. He said she's not acceptable to him. Robin said that's who they wanted in Bachelor Nation. Howard said not this bachelor. He said he was on fire. Robin said she didn't care for the second half of that finale. Howard said she's wrong.
Howard said Heidi and Mel Be must be upset that they're off America's Got Talent. Robin said they were acting like it was their idea to leave. Howard said Heidi has that show with the models. Robin said she's always had that. Howard said those two are heartbroken. He said he's sure it was Simon Cowell who made that change. He said it doesn't matter who the judges are. He said Simon hasn't improved the show or taken away from it. He said it was the same with him. He said the show is the show. Howard said he's never heard of this Gabrielle Union. Robin said she had a show on the BBC or something. Howard said he's never heard of her. Robin said she was on Friends and dated Ross. JD said she was in that movie ''Bring it On.'' Howard said he liked that. Gary told Robin she's wrong and it was Aisha Tyler who was on Friends. Robin said she's not wrong but she was.
Howard said Simon Cowell is the guy who made that change over there. He said he thinks he has the formula. He said he browbeats them over there. He said Heidi and Mel B were fine. He said Simon did them in. He said don't listen to what Heidi and Mel said. Robin said she knew it was a scam.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Wendy Williams was talking about his book and how good looking he is on the cover. Howard said she can be a critic of people so he's happy to hear that. He said his wife was the one who talked him into using that picture.
Howard took a call from fake Simon Cowell who was upset with him over what he was just saying. Simon said he's in his parent's house and his mother is looking good. He said he's moved on to fucking mom's from fucking wives. Howard said he's not going to listen to that. He hung up on fake Simon.
JD said that Wendy started out complimenting Howard but then she said he went Hollywood. Howard asked when he went Hollywood. Robin asked what she means by that. Howard said she's going to have him unloading on her in 2 minutes. He said he can wreck this broad. He said she's fucking with the wrong asshole. Howard said he's going to get upset if he listens to this. He said she better watch what she says. He said he has a very thin skin. Howard said he doesn't want to listen to it. He said she was the one busy yapping about him missing one day of work. He said she disappeared for a year. Robin said it was a few weeks. Howard asked if it's bad. He said he'll go there if she wants to go there. Howard said his fans will end up fucking with her. Gary said just play it.
Howard played the clop and Wendy said that Oprah and Howard Stern got her to where she is. She said Howard has a new book coming out and it's number 1. She said it's his first book in 20 years. JD told him to keep playing it. Howard said she's been attacking him lately. He said if he goes on the attack it's going to be a nightmare for her. Robin said she said nice things about him. Howard played more and Wendy said he still looks good. She read the book title and got some reaction from the crowd. Wendy said that Howard has gone Hollywood and everything he says is predictable. Howard said he's gone Hollywood. Wendy said that he's gone Hollywood and he's an insider now. Howard said what a cunt. He told her to fuck off. He said the last time she was in there she gave him attitude about that. He said he's a real Hollywood insider. He said she has those big fake tits and he's Hollywood? He told her to kiss his ass. He told her to fuck off. He said she doesn't have an original thought in her head. He said because he knows Jimmy Kimmel he's Hollywood? He said she has no idea who he hangs with. He told her to worry about her husband and fuck off. He said he's sick of her and her bullshit show. He said she's the one with the Botox and fake tits.
Wendy said that Howard sat behind that microphone for too long. Howard told Wendy the frog faced bitch to shut the fuck up. He said he's sick of her. He said she says he's her inspiration but he's a sell out. Howard said fuck you and your dumb show. He said that and her mystery illness. Howard said don't go on the air and talk about not being sick. Howard played more of Wendy talking about being on Howard's show a couple of times and how the show has changed. Howard said thanks for that. He said he works his ass off on this show. He said he makes sure it's good. He said cow face opens up her mouth and bad mouths him. He said he's not sure if she was born a woman or a man. He said what a cunt. He said that Skeletor cunt. He said he has struggled his entire life to get out there and do something that means something to people. He said that's such an insult to him. He said he bets 20 bucks she stands up and pees. He said he's done with her. Robin said it was a nice friendship but it's over. Howard said he's been very gracious to her. He said she went around calling herself the Queen of all Media. Robin said she did come on and ask permission. Howard said he told her to call herself whatever she wants.
Howard said he hopes her nuts get stuck in her zipper. He asked what evidence she has that he's Hollywood. He said he's real Hollywood. He said he sits at home and writes for the show and that's it. He said he writes a book and paints pictures waiting for the next show. He said he never fainted on his show. Howard asked JD why he had to play that and ruin his day. JD said he's sorry. Howard said he wishes he had ignored it. Robin asked why he cares. Howard said he doesn't like it. He said he does care. He said he doesn't like her attitude. Howard asked what evidence she has that he has Hollywood friends. Robin said she's not sure that's even what she means. Howard said you should see his Hollywood lifestyle. He said he was treated like a scumbag and he's still a scumbag. He said it would be nice to have some friends. He said that comment must just mean he sucks. He said maybe he's not as selfish where he has to put everyone down now. He said he's not in that place. He said she just ruined his day. He said that jealous bitch will never be him. He said she can pretend to be him but shell never be him. He said she doesn't have the with or the talent. He said that's it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she told Howard she's a scumbag. She said that she took months off of work for her husband. Howard said he doesn't want to get into that. Mariann said that he better not do that show. Howard said he won't because it's too low rated. She said Wendy threw him under the bus. Mariann said her tits are fake and everything about her is fake. She said she's going down. Howard said she's such an innovator. He said she's so brilliant. He said she's done so much. He asked what she actually has done. He said next time she eats a fly he hopes she chokes on it. He said he's not her bitch. Howard said she does ''Hot Topics'' and that's even a rip off. Howard said what an innovation.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said she has some nerve. Howard asked what she has done. He said he's actually done stuff to earn his title. He said she hasn't done anything. King said it's all about her husband. Howard said he's not talking about the husband. He said he's talking about her. Howard said people are jealous of him. He said he knew this book was going to dredge up jealousy. He said she's jealous that he went to number 1 right away. He said she's so miserable that she has to knock him over that. He said he'd fuck Ru Paul before he'd fuck her. King said don't say that. Howard said he's telling the truth. He said she makes Ru Paul look like Margot Robbie. King said don't say that. Then he laughed. He said she has that disease. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck. King said it's called Noassatall. He cracked himself up.
Howard said he wants you to know that she's so jealous. He said he wondered which broadcaster was going to go nuts first. He said when he was working on this book he was in conversation with people. He said he knew that it was going to cause people to get upset. Howard said he had a mission with the book. He said he knew the people who would be the worst were going to be his fellow broadcasters. He said there it was. He said she got back on the air just in time to fuck with him. He said it never stops with him. He said it's a lot of broadcasters. He said Bubba sent him a lovely note. King said they all lie and hide it.
Howard asked what Wendy has done that is so controversial. He asked where she put her balls on the line. King said she used to go after Puffy. Howard said he's going un-Hollywood now. He said all she talks about on her show is Hollywood. He said that's as Hollywood as you get. He said she makes fun of the Kardashians? What an innovator. He said it's shocking that people keep tuning into that show. Robin said when she came back from her absence she didn't answer questions about what happened to her. Howard said this is all a projection. He said that she's saying that he sucks and his show sucks. He asked if she's giving him the big rope a dope. He said she is nobody to him. He said she's a fly and she looks like a fly.
Howard said the hot topic on her web site is A-Rod and J-Lo getting engaged. He said what a rebel she is. King asked why she's not talking about when they're going to get divorced. Howard said just shut up and go after other scumbags. King asked why she cares if he's Hollywood or not. Howard said she does. He said he's done with this. King said she wanted a white audience. He said she was sick of being on WBLS. Howard said he's worn out from this. He said he's done.
Howard said these people who worshiped what he did have to give him the ''zuggerine.'' Robin asked what that is. Howard said he knows so that's what counts. Howard said she's not a woman of the people. He said they don't know her. He said he was having a good day and she had to ruin it. He said he has been gracious to her. He said she's like E.T. in a wig and she's telling him he's gone Hollywood. He said she's trying to put him down and suck his energy. He asked what he did to her. He said trust him, he has his own hair. He said that hair she has isn't her hair. He said she set him off. He said she's trying to piss him off. Robin said she didn't know he had the energy to get pissed off.
Howard said he felt great that the book is being sold. He said he's really into these interviews he's going to do and he knew one of these broadcasters was going to have to sock it to him. Robin said it'll be more than one. She said it's radio and broadcasting in general. Howard said he can't even tell you one thing that Wendy has done. He said he had the government on his ass. He said he's not sure what her story is but she's the Queen of all Media. He said she's a big bore. He said keep those eyes in your head and calm down. He said she's like a crazy woman. He said call it like it is. He said she's a jealous cunt. He said lucky for her he's evolved. He said in the old days he would have gotten really angry. He said don't come in there and tell him he's your friend. He said she's jealous and she hasn't had the career he's had. He said that's that. He said she's not a nice person. He said no one likes her by the way. He said that's why she can't go Hollywood. He said they were doing a dance over there on the set of her show when she was out. He said they want Nick Cannon. He said it's a good thing she hurried back.
Howard asked if he said anything he would regret. Robin said he says stuff that he may regret. Howard said he wished he had time to think about it. He said he wishes that JD didn't have him play that. He said that he would have liked time to think about it. He said that's keeping it real though. He said he's keeping it real. He asked if that's Hollywood enough for you. He said that Jolly Green Giant with tits is sitting there criticizing him. He said he wrote this book and he's feeling good about it and that's what she does. He said don't back pedal it. He said if that's how you feel then stick with it. He said he blows. He said someone make him the shittiest puppet you can find and they'll call it Wendy Williams. He said she's so real and not Hollywood.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that iguana looking bitch was on the show shit talking Howard last time she was in. Howard said he thought something might be going on with her. He said he had heard some things. He said he was trying to be on her side. He said he was trying to be nice. He said he sees where it's at now. He said she's no friend of his now. Balls said don't have her back in. Howard said he's done with her.
Howard said last time Wendy was in there the guys wanted to pass on her as a guest and he was the one who wanted to have her in. He said she had been loyal to them. Gary said that Howard was the one who wanted her on and the rest of the staff didn't think it worked. Howard said it turns out they were right. Gary said she was insanely mean when she was in there last time. He said she was a guest there and she said she and her staff call Beth ''Yoko.'' Howard said he tried to be a gentleman but this squid eyed blowfish had to go there.
Howard said his staff doesn't like her and neither does her own staff. He said he knows that for a fact. He said they need their jobs so they can't say it. He said he's not an idiot. He said don't warm him up by saying he looks good and his book went to number 1 and then say he sucks. He said don't hit him with that. He said he's been through enough. He said he doesn't sit there saying she looks like a Boston Terrier. He said get off his case and leave him alone. Howard said stick with your hot topics and leave him alone. Robin said he doesn't need these people and he doesn't need to go there. Howard said she looks like Rodney Dangerfield fucked a clown. Robin said they're always talking about Howard so he doesn't have to go there.
Howard said don't act like she's all innocent. He said he'd rather look at Richard's asshole than her. He said he's not kidding. Howard said he likes some people in Hollywood. He said some people should be recognized. Robin said he has changed and why do you have to be the same person you were at 40. Howard said there you go. Robin said she went there... Howard said if you want to talk then lets have a hot topic. He said lets come clean with some of that bullshit. He said you know what he's talking about. Howard said he's done. Robin said she thought he had to get out of there on time. Howard said he did but then JD had him play that clip.
Howard said that Steve Buscemi looking broad... Robin said they like Steve. Howard said he thinks he's great. Howard said he's just reacting to something off the cuff. He said he knows he'll be upset later when he's in the psychiatrist office. He said he needs time to talk to the shrink before going off on someone. He said JD is fired.
Howard took another call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she told him years ago that she was treating him badly. She brought up something about her husband and Howard cut her off and hung up on her. Howard said he's not going there.
Howard said he tried to be nice to Wendy but it doesn't pay. He said he hates to end the show like this before a break but that's how he feels. He said it pissed him off. Robin said they can't let him have a good time. Howard said it's jealousy. Robin said they have to rain on someone's parade but they can't take it when someone rains on their parade. Howard said she set him off and he regrets some of the things he said. He said look Mrs. Potato Head, he gets nuts so you can't play with him like that. He said he's just going to say nasty things about you like that you look like a full grown Beetlejuice. Robin said she's trying to picture that. Howard said she's pushing him and he has to go there. Howard said he's ugly and she's ugly too. He asked where the rebel is in her. He said she probably has a bigger dick than he does.
Howard asked Robin if she has anything else. Robin said the show has gone on too long. Howard said it has so sorry. He said he's doing a live show and that happens. Howard asked if JD had to play that for him today. JD said he didn't. Howard said he could have waited a week. Howard said he's walking without a net on this show and he's going to react. He said his show ain't scripted like her's. He said shit happens and he's going to react to it. Howard said don't forget he was the one who changed radio so she could do the kind of show she wanted to do. He went right into a live commercial read after that. They ended the show around 11:30am.
Today's show was over around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around 11:20am