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Howard was back from vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about how it's been two weeks and he's back now. Robin said the whole world has changed. Howard said good morning to Robin and Fred. He said he watched the Oscars so he'll comment on that. He said he didn't see them all but he did fast forward. He said he watched 15 minutes of it which is about how long it should be.
Howard was about to talk about it but he had to scratch himself because he has dry skin from the weather. Robin said he has to get that stuff that Jada Pinkett Smith uses on her skin. Howard said maybe he should.
Howard said if you're in a Oscar category like Best Hair or something then just shut the fuck up. He said there was one woman who was up there for something like Best Costume or hair or something. He said she ruined it. He said they make a long speech and they have to cut them off with the orchestra. He said no one cares about you or your award. He said they're people who you don't know and they could have cut an hour out of the show. He said he was able to skip an hour no problem. Robin said they used to do those awards first and you had to wait for the ones you wanted to see. Howard said no one knew this woman or likes her. JD asked if it was Makeup and hair styling. Howard said it was a young black woman. He said he's not sure what it was. Robin said it may have been the woman who won for Black Panther. Howard said no one knows her or cares. He said that their ratings are going down because of that kind of thing. He said he knows these people are talented but so is he. He asked where his award is. He said the whole Oscars thing is a joke.
Howard played a clip of this woman rambling and said you have to have some kind of self awareness. He said just shut up. He said no one is going to remember you. He played more of her speech where she went on and on about her award. Howard said no one is there to hear her carry on. He said she buttoned someone's pants.
Howard said the Oscars was boring. He said he and Beth watched the red carpet. He said Ryan Seacrest was on E! and on ABC. He said no one else can do it apparently. He said all of the interviewers have nothing to ask these people. He said they got Jennifer Lopez. He said that he doesn't like her and A-Rod together. He said he wants to throw up when he thinks about them. He said it was like Hulk Hogan with Bubba's wife. He said it made him ill thinking about it.
Howard said this red carpet thing goes on for like 2 hours. He said that you think Ryan will have something interesting to ask J-Lo and A-Rod. He said ask anything. He said ask how they got here that night. He said ask about the car. He said this guy has nothing. He said he asked nothing.
Howard said the worst guy on the red carpet was Sam Elliot. He said that he had nothing to say. He said he was asked how he got the role and he was mumbling. He said that he was talking about how he got the role in A Star Is Born and it was boring.
Howard said they had all kinds of B-list celebrities on the red carpet. He said that no one good wanted to be interviewed. He said J-Lo showed up and she looked gorgeous. He said that even A-Rod looked good. He said this is the interview. He played a clip and Ryan Seacrest was talking about how everyone was excited to see them. Howard said he wasn't even asking a question. He said he was yelling at the TV and Beth told him to calm down. He said she ended up moving to another bedroom.
Howard said just ask a question. He said there were two famous people standing there so ask a question. He wasn't asking a question. Howard asked what she's supposed to say to that. He said ask her anything. Howard said there was no question he could ask J-Lo or A-Rod. He said Ryan didn't ask a question. He just made a statement and let them go.
Howard said that drove him crazy. He said just ask a question. He said he could have asked anything.
Howard played some of the Sam Elliot red carpet interview. He did his impression of Sam's deep mumble. Howard said he fell asleep at one point. Howard said Ryan had no question for A-Rod or J-Lo. He said there's someone you kind of want to see. He said dread the room. He said keep them talking. He said ask her if she thinks the Jews run the banks. He said even if it's Anti-Semetic ask it. Robin said you don't have to go there. Howard said he gets right to that.
Howard said then he likes to see women's fashion. He said it's the same reason that women look bad at their weddings. He said they get a dress that doesn't fit them properly. He said they get their hair pulled back and piled on top of their head. He said every day you see the woman with her hair down and she looks fabulous. He said then they take it and pull it and pile it. He said they don't look the same. Robin said they get that from Hollywood. Howard said these women show up in their gowns and these dress designers hate women. He said they're making a joke out of women. He said he's never seen outfits like this. He said these designers should be in jail. He said Charlize Theron showed up in a Star Trek outfit. He said it's crazy. He said they made her look bad. He said it's a joke.
Howard said ABC and E! were competing trying to cover the most outfits. Howard said Charlize Theron's tits were made to look pointy. He said he thinks these guys who design these dresses hate women. Robin said she's looking at that dress now. She said that she should have asked why they made her look ugly.
Howard said E! had a ''glam bot'' which was a gay robot. He said he was watching the Oscars and one of the stars of Crazy Rich Asians was the captain on the new Star Trek. He said he has to recommend that show. He said the show is really good. He said he loves it. Robin said that's Michelle Yeoh. She said she was in the studio once and they interviewed her. Gary said she is correct. She said that they may have done the Gossip Game or something. Howard said she's good on Star Trek. He said he loves that new Star Trek. He said they put the show on their new app and no one is paying for that. He said no one is going to buy that app. He said he's not paying 10 bucks a month to get that. Robin said he can afford it. Howard said he's not buying one show for $10 a month. He said they caved in and put it on iTunes anyway. He said no one was buying it.
Howard said Michelle Yeoh was on the show in 1997 to promote a James Bond movie. He said she was in Crazy Rich Asians too. He said he liked that.
Howard said these guys who are designing these dresses are making women look ridiculous. He said Emma Stone was in an outfit you wouldn't give a second look. He said Sarah Paulson should sue the person who made her dress.
Howard said he can't believe what he's reading about Spike Lee in Page Six. He said that Spike won't even look at him at the Knicks games. He said that the won't say hello even if he's next to Tracy Morgan. He said he thinks he hates him. Robin said she knows Spike hates Howard. Howard said he doesn't hate Spike. He said the movie he made that deserved an award was the Malcolm X movie. He said that it wasn't Do the Right Thing. He said that wasn't the best movie he made. Howard said he thinks Malcolm X was a snub. He said it was so well done. He said he saw Black Klansman and that wasn't a great movie. He said they gave him an award but he threw a fit when Green Book won. He said he tried to storm out. Howard said imagine the guy who directed Green Book. He said that they say Spike got so upset that he walked toward the back of the auditorium. He said fuck the Academy Awards. He said that there were two movies that won. He said Bradley Cooper will make another movie because A Star Is Born was huge at the box office. Howard said that's what counts.
Howard read more about what Spike did and how Jordan Peele had to calm him down. Then he went back and turned his back to the stage. Howard said the guy is a little too excited about this stuff. He said it doesn't make you any better a director if you win.
Gary said that Sal voted for Black Klansman in every category in their pool. He said they asked him why and he said that he knows that the academy likes to ''award those people.'' Sal said that's not what he said. He said Gary has it wrong. He said he didn't say ''those people.'' He said it's the typical liberal Hollywood people who like to coddle the black people. Howard said they weren't able to win for years. Sal said they're keeping them happy now. Howard said Sal loves anything with the Klan in it. Sal said that's not the case. He said this has nothing to do with race. He said he loves black people. He said Hollywood is so over the top. Robin asked if he won the pool. Sal said he didn't but he came close. He said they knew Spike was going to go nuts. He said they were right.
Howard said Spike came back and turned his back to the stage. He said the guy who won for Green Book had to look at Spike's back. He said that's what he does at the Knick games. He said he has to calm down. He said it ain't that important. Howard said you win at the box office. Howard said that's how he does it. He said he has an audience there on satellite and he doesn't win awards.
Howard said Black Klansman is a good movie but it's not great. Robin asked if he would have had that reaction to any movie he did or just that one.
Howard said he doesn't like a guy ruining someone else's moment. He said he ruined Metallica's moment at the MTV awards though. He said he didn't mean to. He just thought being Fartman was funny.
Howard said Rami Malek made a nice speech. Robin said he fell off the stage. Howard said he didn't know that. He said something good finally happened. He said it's so boring otherwise.
Howard said they were doing promos for a special performance by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. He said nothing else was happening. Howard said it was kind of cool to see them perform. He said that everyone likes to see Lady Gaga sing. He said that he's not sure who the directors are for that show. He said they're off their rocker. He said they were promoting this thing for months. He said he wanted to see this performance because he likes that song. He said they had the camera behind them. He said the director made it about himself and showed how artistic he could be. He said he had a 360 camera behind them. He said they had the back of Bradley's head. He said he wants to see the performance. Howard said it's a simple job. He said let me see what's going on. He said when he's at a concert he stares directly at the performer. He said you aren't sitting at the back of the stage.
Howard said Bradley opens up the song and he's singing and he's wondering when they're going to cut to the front shot. He said he couldn't see a performance. Howard said Lady Gaga starts to sing and they're at the side of her head. He said the whole song is about them looking at each other and you don't see them looking at each other. He said if he was teaching directing at NYU he'd show this tape to show what not to do. He said there's nothing complex about this. He said he wishes he could write his congressman about this. He said at one point Bradley is singing and he's looking at Lady Gaga's ear lobe. He said that Bradley is in this huge movie and he's singing this song for a dead character. He said that he missed the whole moment because of this director.
Howard said if he's singing then shoot him from behind. He said he understands that. He said Lady Gaga and Bradley are staring at each other but you don't see it. He said this drove him nuts. He said it's the same with whoever directed the Grammy's. He said that the musical performances were very good on that show but you couldn't see anyone. He said these people did duets on the show and they throw the director for a loop. Howard said there were great performances on the show and you can't see anyone. He said these guys don't know what they're doing. He said it's very simple to cover a performance like that.
Howard said he's watching the Grammy's and this guy Post Malone is an interesting looking guy. He said he has his face tattooed. He said that he sounds pretty good on the Grammys but they buried him in smoke. He said the guy in the Red Hot Chili Peppers was barely seen on stage. He said that he smacked his own face during the Grammys because he was barely able to see these performances.
Howard said Bette Midler did a great performance on the Grammys. He asked how old she is. Robin said she's like 78. Gary said she's 73. Howard said she did such a beautiful song. He said she did a Mary Poppins movie song. He said at least they let you see her. He said she got up and sang and she's such a pro. He said she engages with the audience. Howard said he was looking at her tits. He said she wasn't known as a beauty when she was younger but she has nice titties. Robin said Charlize Theron has nice ones but she gets a D for showing them in that dress but Bette gets an A for her's. Howard said yes. He played some of her performance from the Grammys.
Howard played some of Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga's performance from the Oscars. Howard said they built that up for months. Robin said it must have been nerve wracking for him. Howard said he's pretty sure it was. Howard said this director did a big 360 and it showed nothing. He said you think he's going to bail on it but he didn't give up. Howard said the guy should be in jail for that. He said he wishes he could direct the Oscars. He said he wishes he could do everything in Hollywood. He said he stayed up to watch this performance and he was so angry. He said this is why he has to leave radio. He said everything aggravates him. He said he doesn't like incompetence. He said he works hard at his job and when you see someone fucking off you have to say it.
Howard said you can't see his reaction shot or Lady Gaga. He said you have no idea what's going on up on stage. He said they were tracking from behind their heads. Howard said when Les was working at CBS this never would have happened. Robin said this was on ABC though. Howard said ''Oh, that's right.''
Howard said he thinks if they interviewed this guy he'd say that some ISIS terrorists came in and put a gun to his head to make him do that shot. Howard said Bradley shouldn't have gone to the Oscars. He said it's fucked up. Robin said it was an awful slight. Howard said that Lady Gaga is singing to the boy and you can't see the boy. Robin said she saw a clip and thought she performed the whole thing alone.
Howard played more of the performance and said it was all being missed. He said that this is why he smacked himself in the head during the Grammys.
Howard said it was an emotional moment and they didn't get any of it. Howard took a call from fake Lady Gaga who said Bradley was robbed. She then sang that he was robbed. Howard said see how upset she is. Howard said he and Robin should duet on this song. He said he asked JD what it would cost him to get him and his wife to do that. He said JD wondered why that would be funny.
Howard said he wants the lyrics to that song so he and Robin can sing it. Robin said she needs them too. Howard made up his lyrics for a few seconds.
Howard said this is the part Robin will sing. He said she does the heavy lifting in that song. Howard made up more lyrics and sang to Robin to the tune of Shallow. Fred was throwing him the lines and Howard was repeating them. Howard said he doesn't have those lyrics. He said they're not the same thing as Fred was giving him.
Howard asked Fred to start the song over again. He had the lyrics this time. Fred told him when to start. Howard sang to Robin and Robin was trying to help him get the lines in the right place. Robin said she doesn't come in for a while. A few seconds later she was singing to Howard. Howard said this might be her song. Fred told Howard to get ready. Howard said this is Lady Tata. Robin went up high and said she can't do that. She said she won't have a voice left. Howard said she came out of retirement. Robin said she can't do it. She said she's going to lose her voice.
Howard asked what lyrics these are. He said the ones Gary gave him were wrong. Howard said they missed the whole moment on the Academy Awards. He said go back and watch and you'll see what he's talking about.
Howard played a song parody about Robin to the tune of ''Shallow.'' They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and asked who that is. Fred said it's Tantric. Howard asked who they are. Robin said she knows Tantric sex. Howard said that's like when you don't cum for days. He said Sting used to be into that. Howard said imagine his wife has him in her for 16 hours. He said most women don't want it in there for more than 5 minutes. He said they want you in and out. He said get your filthy dick out of there.
Howard said poor Trudy had Sting in her for 16 hours at a time. He said he doesn't want anything in him for 16 hours. He asked who invented that. Robin said she thinks it came from India.
Howard said how about that Bob Kraft. Robin said the world flipped while they were away. She said he was on top of the world. Howard said he still is. Robin said now he was caught at a happy ending joint. Howard said he's in his 70s and still wants to get jerked off. Robin said all old guys want that. Howard said he's praying that by the time he's 76 he wont' think about that. Robin said all guys think about that. Howard said Bob has a hot girlfriend. He said he saw him making out with her at a party once. He said his penis is retiring at 70. He said he figures it has to. He said he just jerked off the other day. Robin said he has talked about being over it. Howard said he'd never pay to have another woman jerk him off. He said it's demeaning. He said no one does a better job of it than himself. He said he loves watching porn and jerking off. He said he doesn't need to pay someone to do that. He said he wants to get it over with as fast as possible so he doesn't have to think about it.
Howard said he loves to paint and watch TV and play chess. He said he thinks about something going on and he has to jerk off. He said he thinks he's doing a good job painting and he has a boner so he has to get rid of it. He said there's something pressing against his underpants. He said he's not going to call someone to take him to Jupiter to get jerked off. He said Bob lives in Palm Beach at the Breakers. He said for a guy worth 6 billion he shouldn't have a condo. He said he should have a mansion. He said he could hire a staff. He said he's living like Sal. Robin said he did have someone drive him there though.
Howard said he thinks they had it wrong in the paper about how far away Jupiter is from Palm Beach. He said it's got to be like a 45 minute drive. He said he's not sure how they make millions doing what they do when they're jerking guys off.
Howard said he hopes that some of this drive will go away when he gets older. He said he's still getting boners when he's painting. He said he has to take care of this problem and it's nothing normal. Robin said it is normal. Howard said not for him. He said he's doing something and he has to jerk off. He said he watches YouPorn to jerk off. He said that they have the ability to see what you like on that site. He said everything on his list is step moms teaching their daughters how to have sex. He said that's all he gets in his feed. He said he was watching a porn where this step mom was serving dinner in a bikini to the two kids. He said the kids are supposed to be in their teens but they're in their 30s. He said the woman is jerking off her step son and the daughter gets freaked out so she goes over to her and removes her bikini.
Howard said he likes to see clothing removed in a porno. He said he doesn't want them almost naked at the start. He said this step mom starts rubbing this girl's clit like a speed bag. He said then the son is jerking off to the mom and daughter. He said the whole thing is fucked up. He said the dad is on in the beginning talking about how he has to go to work. He said everyone is having fun but the dad.
Howard said the Robert Kraft thing made him think he has to be prepared when he gets older. Robin said he hasn't been in that situation. Howard said Bob could get the girlfriend experience. Robin said he must be very thrifty. She said he was looking for a deal. Howard said there were a couple of stories that made him want to run back to the show to get on the air.
Howard said someone was telling him about this guy who killed himself by using Meth. Fred said that was a news guy. Howard said then it came out he was sticking it up his asshole. Fred said that's right. Howard said he's not sure why he was doing that. He said he knows Meth makes a mess out of people. He said it seems pretty nasty. Robin said all she knows she learned from Breaking Bad.
Howard said someone said that this guy died from doing it a second time, not just once. Gary said they say in the coroner's report that he had used Amil Nitrate as well.
Howard said he went to that strip mall in Jupiter to have lunch one day. He said he is the idiot who gets his nails clipped at the nail salon. He asked how you know you can get jerked off. Robin said they had two visits by Bob Kraft and they say he was familiar with the operation. Howard said that's embarrassing. Gary said there's a web site that tells you where to go. Howard asked if Bob is on that web site. Robin said he probably has people telling him where to go.
Howard said Sal once created an app that told you where to go. Gary said that's right. Howard said Sal is a visionary.
Gary said he read that the hand job was only like 20 bucks more than the massage. Howard wondered if he tips big. Robin said if he's going there for the $79 treatment he's not tipping big.
Gary said Sal told him that the tipping works like this. He said he got this off the message boards. He said that you give her a low tip and if they give you a dirty look then you know you should have given her more.
Gary said they have Bob Kraft on tape down there too. Robin asked why Gary is praying. Gary said he feels bad for the guy. Howard said the guy didn't miss a beat. He said he was out at Oscar parties the next day. Robin said he was probably hanging out with Les Moonves. Howard wondered what those guys do during the Oscars. Robin said they heard that Les was going out to dinner with people. She said Bob was probably doing the same thing. Howard said he was hoping he'd be over the jerking off thing by his 70s. Robin said she worked in a nursing home and men at 100 wanted that.
Howard asked Robin how these men at the nursing home would ask her to jerk them off. Robin said it was during bath time. She said that she'd be in her dress and these guys would ask her to help them out. Robin said she would ask them to take care of their private area and they would said they can't do a good job so they'd ask her to help. Robin said she never did help them out. Robin said she would wash their backside but not their balls or anything like that.
Howard said flipping over an 80 something dude can't be say. Robin said they had the ability to move. She said they were able to flip over. She said they were able to reach their front side but maybe not their backside. Howard asked if she ever washed someone in a coma. Robin said she did. Howard asked if she washed their genitals. Robin said they would get a guy to do it if they were like that.
Howard said Robin had to get out of that to get into radio. Robin said she didn't work in that very long.
Howard said he thinks that at Bob Kraft's age he won't have to jerk off. He said he has old Howard on the phone now to talk about what's going on. Howard took the call from Old Howard who was asking him to jerk him off. Howard said it does sound like him. He asked if he's at Orchids of Asia. The guys in the back had clips of Howard talking about pussy in an old voice. Howard said he can't believe how horny he is at that age.
Howard said he was reading about how busy that place was and how they were filled up with appointments. Howard said they got busier at night too. Howard said he hopes that some of the fever leaves him by the time he's 73. Robin said she doesn't think it will. She said it will still be in charge at 80.
Brent said that this sex trafficking thing is a little over blown in this country. He said that in this case it might be the case. He said if prostitution was legal they wouldn't have this problem. He said that this works in Nevada because it's legal.
Howard asked what this party is that he attended over vacation. Brent said it's called Lust New York City. He said that you go to this party and you get to see this sex stuff going on. He said his wife is still healing with her implants. He said they went out to a party in Jersey City and got some numbers and made out with people. He said they were out with Chris and he left after a while. He said they were dancing and making out with people. Brent said he was making out with a 6 foot black woman. Gary said Chris said it was getting too weird for him so he left.
Gary said Chris said that Brent's wife was grinding up on him and he had to leave. Howard said he doesn't want to go to dinner with Brent. Brent said they know how to behave.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's a prosecutor down in Tampa. She said he's out of his mind. Brent said this is the office that prosecuted them for killing a hog down there. Howard said he's all for that. The caller said that women are being victimized. Howard said if he has to live in a nail salon he wants the government to prosecute. Brent said they go busting the girls down there who are there doing this by choice.
The caller said that the women that were at the place that Bob Kraft was caught at were trafficked. She said they were brought in from Queens. She said that this is happening to children down there in Tampa. She said they get trapped into doing this stuff. She said that Brent should not be minimizing this.
Howard asked if the $79 is the going price down there. The caller said that it is. She said it all depends on the tipping at the end. Brent said that this isn't the majority of what's going on in this country. He said that if it was legal it wouldn't be happening.
Howard asked the caller, Jennifer, if she likes being a prosecutor. She said it's the best. Howard asked if she can make good money doing it. She said it's not a ton of money but she's happy. Howard said he tends to agree with Jennifer on this stuff. He said he does think that prostitution should be legalized though. Brent said that it would cut down on human trafficking. Jennifer said that it wont stop it. She said there are people who want underage people. Brent said they have the same argument for weed too. Howard said he has to end this.
Robin said she was reading about how dirty this place was. Robin said that they say that Robert Kraft visited at least twice in the months that they were watching this place. Howard said just jerk yourself off. He said that way you're safe.
Howard let Brent go and said guys and their dicks just love to cum. Robin said maybe Bob Kraft is a good guy but it seems like the blood in your brain just isn't there to make certain decisions for you.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there was one of these places that got busted in Virginia. He said they will put their hand on your cock and see how you respond to it. He said the woman will be fully clothed and they'll take your hand and rub it against their vagina to see what happens. He said when they flip you over you're getting your balls rubbed and stuff. He said then they give you the two hand tug. He said they seem to know what they're doing. He said this woman did it double handed. He said she tried to stick a finger in his ass and he had to stop her there. Howard said it sounds like she got her black belt in hand jobs.
Howard said once you cum you want to get out of there. He asked if they massage you first. The caller said they do. He said the women get the cum on their hands and they run to the bathroom to flush it. Howard said excuse him while he throws up. Howard asked when you pay up. The caller said you pay going in. He said that he gave her a $20 as a tip. He said he ran out of there as quick as he could.
Howard asked the caller, Jesse, what team he owns. Jesse said he owns the Cowboys. Howard asked Jesse what he does. Jesse said he writes songs and stuff like that. Howard asked what he thought about the song he and Robin did. He said he liked that. Jesse said he just does that stuff on the side. Jesse asked when he's going to hear his new song. Howard said it should be out soon.
Gary said that they have a lot of experts back there about this. He said Benjy was saying that they have towels that they don't clean to clean you up with. Howard said he's going to vomit.
Howard asked who else back there does this stuff. Gary said that Brent has. He said Benjy says he doesn't go anymore. Howard asked if the lights are on or off. Benjy said these places are every 3 blocks in Manhattan. He said they have some in the back of barber shops. Howard said it's hard making a living. He said imagine a barber shop has to do that. Howard asked Ronnie if he has been to any of these places. Gary said he's sending him in.
Gary said that Benjy said he would help the women out with sweeping up and stuff and they'd give him a hand job. Benjy said if they're slaves it's wrong. He said they bring you that towel and give you some juice in a cup after. Howard said that's like giving blood and they give you juice. Benjy said he always turned it down. He said the places are disgusting too.
Ronnie came in and said he used to go to some of those places. He said he went to the one with the woman with the baby powder. He said that was at her house. Ronnie said she'd give a real massage first and then flip you over and pour the baby powder on you. He said that the powder was weird because it worked.
Ronnie said he used to go to place a long time ago where they would fill up a bucket with warm water and they'd throw it at you to wash you off first. He said then she'd jerk you off and then throw water at you again to clean you up. Gary said they did that in Rambo. Ronnie said it was kind of like that. He said it was really weird.
Ronnie said a couple of years ago Stephanie took him to this massage place to get a couple's massage. He said it was a real massage though. He said they didn't get jerked off there. Ronnie said they had the hot rocks and all of that. Fred did his Ronnie impression and had Ronnie asking for the finger in his ass and things like that.
Howard said Ronnie is still horny like Robert Kraft. Ronnie said he should have built himself a massage parlor with that kind of money. Robin said he didn't want to have the woman in his home. She said he just got in and out of there. Ronnie said you have the chance of getting busted going to a place like that.
Gary said Benjy has one more story they have to talk about. He said that he found a place in a Penny Saver and he talked the girl down to $3 because she was so ugly. Ronnie said that's how he found that place he went to. He said that the ad said that it was deep tissue massage. He said he didn't know she was going to jerk him off. He said that he didn't expect it from this woman. Howard asked how old he was at that time. Ronnie said he's not sure. He said maybe in his late 20s.
Ronnie said it was the real deal until the end. He said then she poured the baby powder on his balls and dick and asked if he wanted a more relaxing ending. He said then she was yanking on him. He said the powder was so smooth. He said there was almost a cloud of powder in the room.
Howard said the powder must turn into pie dough. Ronnie said it does but she cleaned it up. He said it was $65 but it was a real massage. He said he gave her $100. Howard said he's a high roller.
Howard asked how long it takes to cum in that situation. Ronnie said that he was relaxed from the massage. He said that you're so relaxed. He said you blow your load and you're so relaxed after. He said that you get so relaxed from the massage and then you finish. Howard said that sounds like a good massage. Ronnie said it was totally legit.
Howard said he went on vacation with Beth and she told him to get a massage first. He said this fucking hot chick in a mini skirt and tube top told him to take his clothes off. He said he didn't want to get naked in front of her. He asked for a towel and that put the buzz kill on it. He said when Beth went for her massage the chick was trying to rub Beth's vagina. He said that Beth said she didn't know they did that. Howard said he told her they don't. Howard said this chick was so hot too. He said it made him cuckoo that she was trying to rub Beth's vagina. He said the whole thing kind of creeps him out. He said he gets upset for the women.
Ronnie said this place they went to was a legit joint. He said they did massages and that's it. Howard said that film of Bob could get out. He said Bob must be worried about that.
Howard said he's still thinking about how you can get jerked off by baby powder. Ronnie said he was surprised too. He said it's messy though.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said they're making a Hulk Hogan movie on Netflix and they're not going to talk about the sex tape at all. Howard said Chris Hemsworth is going to play Hulk but who is going to play Bubba. Mike said they're not going to have that part of his life. Howard said that's the best part. Howard said Jack Black could play Bubba. He said maybe John Goodman. Mike said he's too thin now. Howard said how about Patrick Stewart as Brent. He said he'd go all out if he was Netflix. Howard said you can't make a movie about Hulk Hogan without Bubba.
Mike asked if he has a time line when he might have another Howard Stern movie. Howard said tomorrow. Howard said Sam Elliot will play Ned in the Hulk movie.
Howard said he thinks Jack Black would be good as Bubba. He said they could have Denzel Washington play 25 Cent. Robin said they could have Margot Robbie play Heather. Howard said they have to get that whole thing in there. He said Rami Malek could play Febrezie.
Ronnie said he saw the trailer for The Irishman. He said that looks good. Howard said Robin has to get into the new Star Trek. He told Robin about some of the stuff they do in the show.
Howard said he was watching a YouTube video of a guy who saves a rabbit in a pool. He said this guy grabs a pool net and scops the rabbit out. He said the rabbit keeps running away from the net. Howard said the rabbit is stupid. He said if he were a rabbit he would hop on it. Robin said cats won't let you rescue them either.
Howard said this guy saves the rabbit's life and it's just laying there. He said then it runs off. He said he realized that's their concept of god. He said that God is the guy with the pool net. Howard said you're over there drowning and the guy has to save you. He said if he doesn't then you get pissed off.
Howard said he isn't the only one who has seen the Motley Crue movie on Netflix. He said it's good. Robin said she has to pass on that one. Howard said he liked the movie. He said he thinks Robin would like it. Robin said she doesn't care about Motley Crue. Howard said it was a good movie.
Howard said he saw Jack Black on the Tonight Show playing a kid's toy and jamming on it. He said that guy is a talent. He said it was one of those things you blow into. He said he was jamming really well on it. He said he likes that guy. He said he really should play Bubba.
Howard said he really digs this guy Tre Cool in Green Day. He said he was watching him do a song and he's not just keeping the beat. He said there's something else going on there. Howard played some of their song ''Welcome to Paradise'' and said just listen to this drumming. Howard said there's a lot going on there.
Howard said he thinks that guy is underrated. Robin said the 90s were very drum related. Howard asked Richard if he thinks he's out of his mind. Richard came in and said that he thinks he's alright. He said he's just a standard punk drummer. He said he's good though. Richard said he's into heavier stuff. Richard said Howard is probably right about Tre. Howard said he's the wrong guy to talk to about that.
Howard said Richard Tweeted about this over 66 times. Richard said he freaked out. He said they have lived there for 11 years and he was hoping to hit the lottery. He said they came close. Richard said this one guy in the neighborhood turned his back on the people of Long Island City. Robin said now nothing is going to happen in that neighborhood. Richard said there's a warehouse there that has wild coyotes in it.
Howard said they got Richard's reaction to this. Howard asked who recorded this. Richard said ''Priest and Boy'' did it. Howard said this is Richard reacting to the news. He played the clip where Richard was asked about it. Richard said that's big news. He said that's just dumb. He said let them take the jobs where they're wanted. He started to go off on the politicians who ruined the deal.
Howard asked if that's how he freaked out. Richard said he was just confused at first. He said then he was freaking out.
Richard said if he wants to hear him get really mad he'll read this statement he wrote. He said he's not mad at Amazon over this at all. He said he's a big supporter of them. He said they weren't the ones who screwed it up. Richard said they wanted to bring tech jobs to the city. He said they were already investing in classes at local colleges for people.
Howard said Bill Maher was talking about how they could bring it to Nebraska and change Nebraska.
Howard said that Jeff Bezos is a smart guy but he's taking dick pics. He said chicks do not get turned on by that. Howard said even if he has the greatest dick of all time it's not something you do. Howard said if he's Jeff Bezos he's not sending a dick pic. He said no woman gets turned on by that. Robin said she didn't ask for it. Howard said Jeff came up with that idea.
Howard said he and Beth once made a sex tape and he saw his dick and immediately deleted it.
Howard asked Richard how long this thing is. Richard said it's two pages. He said he'll do it quickly. Howard asked if it's written for an idiot. Richard said it is. He went right into it and read his statement about what the politicians did to them in Long Island City. Howard said he's bored after about two lines. Richard said they lost 25,000 jobs due to this. Howard had him read a little more of his statement. Richard stared yelling and Howard cut him off again and told him to get out. Richard said Amazon was giving them a gift and they shit all over it.
Howard said Richard has to move. Richard said they're moving to the suburbs. He said they are renting. He said he still has hope that Amazon will come back. Robin told him not to hold his breath.
Howard let Richard go and took a call from a guy who said he thinks Brent is off his rocker with this sex stuff. He said this guy can't even have sex at a swinger club. Howard said he loves Brent but he looks dangerous. The caller said he looks like a serial killer. Howard said he really does. The caller said that they give you a locker in these places and you have sex with anyone and everyone. He said that 25 years ago they went to parties and they'd have food out and they'd be having a party. Howard said he knows. He said he doesn't know what's going on but he thinks Brent might be scaring them away.
Howard said he loves Brent and he's loved him right from the start. He said that he looks like Uncle fester with Ebola. He said that's what's scaring these people off. He said his poor wife is running around with her new titties and he's holding her back. He said she can't swing.
Howard said Brent's wife is coming in to show off her new titties and to let the guys touch them. Howard said every guy but Memet can touch them. Brent said that's her choice. He said she was the one who said that Memet can't touch them. He said she's not into Twinks. He said she's into guys like Fred.
Howard asked Brent if he thinks he could be the one scaring people off. Brent said that they have only been to two clubs. He said that he was making out with that one chick this weekend. He said she was a tall black woman. He said he has lost some weight lately. Howard thanked him again and asked when his wife is coming in. Brent said she's still healing up. He said he's just getting a good squeeze on them now. Howard asked if she's going to be topless. Brent said she will be.
Gary said Benjy has said he won't touch them unless Memet is allowed to do it. Howard told him to shut up. Gary said Brent said he's already on the bubble of being able to touch them. Howard said no one cares if Benjy touches them. Howard said the big fat guy with blotchy skin isn't going to feel her up. What a threat. Howard asked who cares if Memet touches them. He said that's just Benjy trying to get air time.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he was supposed to go through the compute today. He said they'll do that on Wednesday. He said that he has to do a eulogy for Peter Tork. They went to break after that.
Howard said he was going to talk about the Monkees but he has to talk to this guy Spencer on the phone. He got caught in a sting at a massage parlor. Spencer said he's a germaphobe and he didn't go there for a rub and tug. He said that he got a hair cut and he was coming from an audition. He said that he saw this back and foot massage place. He said he walked in and checked it out. He said this Asian woman came and grabbed his arm. He said he was just checking prices. He said she told him the prices and he asked for 20 minutes for a foot massage. He said the guy told him to remove his pants. He said it was a guy who wanted him to take his pants off. He said he took his pants off and got the foot massage. He said he had 2 minutes left and the vice squad breaks in and tells him to put his pants on. He said that he saw the cops out there and they came to him and asked for his ID. He said he was just getting a foot massage. He said the cop recognized him as a bartender and told him to get the fuck out of there. He said he lucked out.
Howard said that's a fucked up story. He said he's glad he got out of that. Spencer said he went to diner with a girl that night and told the story and she looked at him like he was out of his mind.
Howard said Bob Kraft cold have used that story if he hadn't gone back for a second time. Howard wondered if he has a big cock. Robin said she doubts it. Howard said he bets he has a girthy cock. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard wondered if he grooms down there. Robin said he's probably old school. Howard wondered if all of the cops are looking at the tape. He said they'll probably have it on a loop at the Christmas party.
Howard said that would be his worst nightmare. Howard said he may be able to get that tape. Robin said there are probably copies. Robin asked what you say to the girlfriend. Howard said you blame her. He said you tell her that if she had taken care of him better then he wouldn't have to drive to Jupiter for a hand job. Howard said he loves it's in a strip mall. He said he looked there for houses. He said he heard it was cheaper there.
Howard said they went to eat in Jupiter and the place they ate at was in that strip mall. Robin said the outside decor isn't that great. Howard said he's a bit of a snob that way. He said that it can't be that good if it's in a strip mall. He said he has to take another break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard said when he got the call from Larry Berger and he was made an offer to do nights at WPLJ. He wanted to be on in the morning though. He said that they had Jim Kerr in the mornings. He said he was told he would only be able to speak for 10 seconds every half hour. He said that would have killed his career and he had to pass on that. He said he thought it would have been awesome if he had been on WPLJ.
Howard said he ended up at WNBC after that. He said you know how that turned out. He said when he heard that this legendary rock station was sold to a Christian station he realized that radio really is dead. He said he's not looking so stupid for moving to satellite. He said that they can all laugh now.
Howard said they opened up the Academy Awards with Adam Lambert. He said that kid can really sing but he goes around singing with Queen. He said he's basically doing karaoke every night. He said that he must feel kind of defeated. He said maybe he should write some new songs with those boys.
Howard said he gets freaked out when he sees Brian May's hair. He said he has the same hair as he does. He said that he thinks about cutting his hair. He said that he looks like he should be in England as a lawyer or something. He said he's having a laugh over his hair. He spent a minute talking about how he looks like he belongs in the courts over there.
Howard said he has grey in his hair and if it gets much more grey he's cutting it short. He said it's not working for Brian. Robin said she hasn't seen him lately. Howard said people think he's in Queen now. He said that Adam Lambert scares him a bit. He said he looks like these guys who do slight of hand. He said Brian is an astrophysicist or something. He works with NASA on stuff.
Howard said the guy can shred too. He said he's great. He said he loves the song ''Keep Yourself Alive'' too. Robin said that was just running through her head. Howard said that riff is so great. Fred played some of the song. Howard talked it up like he was a DJ on WPLJ.
Howard said he must need to get that astrophysicist job when you're touring with Adam Lambert. He said that Brian uses a British coin instead of a pick. Robin said she was thinking that Brian is in his own tribute band now. Howard said he kind of is. He said if he could play like this he wouldn't be an astrophysicist. Howard said just listen to this song.
Howard said there's nothing in space so just play guitar. Robin said he can do both. Howard said he was wondering if he would go to a 2 hour show of Queen with Adam Lambert and he said no.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Adam Lambert looks really scary. Robin said he has really dark hair and the facial hair. Ralph said he looks creepy. Howard said the guy can sing though. He said he's not there to dump on the guy.
Ralph said that Howard's hair looks better than Brian May's. He said Brian's looks old. He said his hair is just hanging on by a thread. He said he's not sure what he should do.
Howard said he has that curly hair and he heard it's back in style. He said someone told him that your hair looks more curly when you come out of the ocean. He said that they make a sea salt spray. He said the sea salt is in this conditioner. He said it replicates what happens at the beach. He said he ordered it on Amazon so he should be getting it any day now. He said it's two products. He said he read that on Mr. Porter. He said it's a men's web site.
Howard said he has a conditioner that he uses from Bumble and Bumble. Ralph said he washes his hair every day so that's a lot of washing. Howard said he had Robert Kraft cum in his hair one day. Ralph said that poor guy. Howard said that guy is so good to them. He said that when Gary and Jon were out there at the Super Bowl he stopped by and had Tom Brady stop by. Ralph said that poor guy can't go into a strip club. Robin said there's nothing poor about that guy.
Howard said no one likes talking to Jon and Gary. He said Bob does it anyway. Robin said this isn't a huge crime.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Adam Lambert ruined the Queen performance. Howard said nah. He said that no one is Freddie Mercury. The caller said Journey was able to do it with that guy they found in the Philippines. Howard said he doesn't want to see that guy. He said fuck them anyway. He said he don't want to get into that story. He said it's all water under the bridge.
Howard said Peter Tork died. He read some details about how the band The Monkees were put together and how Peter Tork got into the band. Howard said they rejected Steven Stills to be in the band because of his teeth. Robin said that Steven was the one who told Peter about the audition for the show.
Howard played the theme song for the Monkees. He said they sold 35 million records in 1968. He said they were huge. He said they didn't play their own instruments on the early songs. He said they had it made. He said they had people writing songs for them and they just had to take it all in. He said they stared writing their own shit eventually.
Howard said that people trolled them and said they were a fake band. He said that's when they started writing their own songs. He said Flavor Flav's dating show lasted longer than the Monkees. He said that they had the formula down. He said that Neil Diamond was writing them hit songs. He said then they became artists and made a movie called Head. He said Jack Nicholson was a producer on that. He played a clip from the movie to show just how bad it was. Howard said Gary sat through this and said it was an hour and a half of this. Howard said he thinks it was filmed in a shower.
Howard said Peter Tork was the bass player and he's dead. He said he won't say anything bad about the guy. He said he thinks he was kind of the guy who wasn't noticed that much. He said that Mickey Dolenz was the big one with Davey Jones. He said Michael Nesmith played guitar for real. Fred said he did some of his own music before the Monkees. Howard said Peter was the bass player. Fred said they needed 4 guys in the band. Howard said he loved that show and he thanks him for that. He said he died from a rare form of tongue cancer. He said that's from eating pussy. He said that he can't believe he ate pussy. He said that he is a germ phobe. He said Beth has a cold and he walks around with a tissue to open things with so he doesn't get her germs. He said if he has pussy in front of him he'll just eat it. Robin said she was going to say. Howard said he's not sure why he was doing that. He said he doesn't even want to hold her hand.
Howard said if you're in a relationship and you get tested that's fine. He said that you don't do that stuff if you're not in a relationship. Howard said you have to be in a one on one relationship. He said you're risking it if you eat a stranger's pussy.
Howard said some people have said that these weird diseases are from eating pussy. He said he's not sure if that's what got Peter but that's what they say about some of these things.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Lesbians don't get these things. He said that you only hear about it from guys like Howard. Howard said Peter Tork wasn't having fun with that. The caller said it's not a woman's health issue. He said he's causing fake fear. Howard said he's mad at President Trump because he's eaten a lot of pussy and he's not putting money into investigating that.
Howard said Michael Caine did a PSA about eating pussy. He played the bit they created with fake Michael Caine. Howard said they should do news. He did a live commercial read and went to break first.
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Robin started her news with a story about Jussie Smollett who is now being charged with committing a crime after claiming he had been attacked. Robin said now they say that he paid two Nigerian brothers to beat him up. Robin said he's still proclaiming his innocence. Robin said last week they said he will not be in the final two episodes of ''Empire.'' Robin said things do not look good for him. Robin read some details about the case and what they're looking into. Robin said that Janet Jackson has been trying to reach out to him but hasn't been able to. Howard said he has seen the world really change. He said when he was a kid gay people would get beaten up but now they're beating themselves up. He said it's hard to hurt yourself. He said what a fucking lameo. He said the cop in Chicago was beside himself talking about the case. Howard said he's seen a lot but he has never had to kick his own ass. He said he always had people waiting in line to do it. Robin said Jussie may have been upset about his pay. Howard said he was making like $1.8 million. They spent a little more time talking about that story.
Robin read a story about Robert Kraft and the ''Kraft Sting'' that went down. Robin said that's the worst part of the story that she has to call it the Kraft Sting. Robin said this story is going to go on and on. She said a health inspector was the one who tipped off authorities about this. Robin had some clips to play with people talking about the case.
Robin read a story about a news anchor who was defending Robert Kraft in all of this. Robin had some audio of that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly being arrested while they were away on vacation. Howard asked how you get to the one letter name. He said he wants to be H. Robin said no because she wasn't allowed to be three names. Robin said there are 4 new accusers for this case and they charged R. Kelly with 4 counts of sexual assault. Robin said he was arrested and his bail was set and he can't pay so he's been in jail since. Robin said his lawyer told NBC News that he's defending Kelly vigorously. Robin had some audio of that. Robin said 3 of the women were between the ages of 13 and 16 at the time of their contact with Kelly. Robin said they're not sure he has any money at this time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin was great when she sang Shallow. He said she has to get back in the studio. Howard said he kind of messed that song up. He asked Fred for another shot. Fred had some issues trying to get the music to play. He eventually got it going so Howard tried singing ''Shallow'' again. He gave up before Robin got to her part. She didn't have her lyrics to sing anyway. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Pope being at some conclave and he addressed the sex scandal that has rocked the church for some years now. Robin said he said he hopes this stops. Robin said he was wearing a nice green dress when he did that. Robin said they're so steeped in this they don't know how to get out of it. Howard said how about building a wall around the church. Robin read more details about that story. She had some things that people are suggesting they could do to stop the sexual abuse.
Robin read a story about Jon Stewart who is going to be in Washington DC going to bat for first responders. Howard said he is a good dude. He said that these people who were firs responders after 9/11 are suffering from things they got after going to ground zero. Howard said while Jon is doing that and helping people he's one of those people who is defending people who were affected on 9/12 like Bobo.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn wants to sing Shallow. He picked up on her and let her sing for about 2 seconds before hanging up on her.
Robin read a story about Spike Lee almost walking out of the Academy Awards when he didn't win. Robin said the people are talking about Spike Lee instead of the people who won for The Green Book. Howard said it's just wrong the way Spike did that. He said get a grip on reality. Robin had some audio of Spike talking about how they made a bad call with that. Howard said none of these awards mean jack shit anyway.
Robin said the President was watching and he's upset with what Spike Lee said about this being a racist hit. Robin said she's not sure why the President took that as an insult.
Robin read a story about a summit that Trump is going to be attending with Kim Jong Un. Howard was confused by the name so Robin explained they go by the last name first. Howard wasn't aware of that. Robin read more about this summit that's happening. She said that they may be able to end the Korean war with this summit. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said this summit is taking place in Vietnam. She said she thinks about how many people died there when that comes up. Robin said they have a Kim Jong Un impersonator over there and they're making sure he isn't around while Kim Jong Un is there. Howard said that shows how fucked up that guy is. Robin said this guy said that the Koreans have no sense of humor while he was getting ready to fly out.
Robin read a story about the crisis going on in Venezuela. Robin said they're unable to get food or jobs down there and people are fleeing. Robin said the United States is meeting with the opposition leader. Robin said that the leader there might be taken out of power.
Robin read a story about a big plane crash that Amazon had. She said they have big cargo jets that fly from place to place and one of them crashed off of Houston today or last night. Robin said the crew are dead and they have no idea what happened. Robin said that they had no message from the crew and people witnessed it going down and thought it looked odd.
Robin read a story about a drag queen story hour at a library so there were protestors and supporters there. Robin had some audio of one of the drag queens talking about the story hour thing. Howard said he loves that Ru Paul Drag Race. Robin said she was watching some of that and Ru Paul was dressed like a man. Howard said he lies it when he's a woman. Robin said she still sounds like a woman though. She said Bruce Jenner still sounds like Bruce Jenner even after everything she's done. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how they have Gary Clark Jr. coming in today. He said they need some music on the show. Robin said she was watching him on Saturday Night Live and she figured Howard would like this guy. She said his guitar playing is really good. Howard said he has a new song out and it has the N-word in it. He said the reason for that is because the guy got a lot of shit his whole life. He said they took it out on Saturday Night Live. He said it's not like he was calling someone the N-word. He was called the N-word. Robin said that's why she didn't understand the song. Howard said today the N-word will be used. He said he should be able to sing about being called the N-word. He said a lot of people are excited about him coming in and singing that song with the N-word in it. Robin said it must be Sal.
Howard said everyone knows Robin's history. He said they're wondering if she would be able to identify a clip being from anal porn or from the Academy Awards. He said he's going to play a clip and Robin has to figure out if it's anal porn or from the Academy Awards.
Howard played the first clip which was a woman saying ''Oh my god, so much bigger.'' Robin asked if that's it. Howard said it is. He said he never said it was an easy game. Robin guessed it was an Oscar acceptance speech. Howard said she is right. He said it was Halle Berry accepting an Oscar. Howard played more of the speech she made.
Howard said NBC wants the rights to this game but he's not sure he has the ability to sell it to them. Robin said sell it if you can.
Howard said this is the second clip. He played another one which was a woman moaning and saying ''What you did to me... ay, ay... well.'' Robin said that you would think it has to be anal porn. She said that it might be the Oscars. She said she's going with the Oscar winner. Howard said Robin is right again. He said that's Marion Cotillard making a speech.
Howard said Robin is an expert on anal porn and the Oscars. He said most people would have been out of the running already. He said you can't fool Robin with fake anal. Howard played another clip and this was a woman crying. Robin said ''good lord...'' Howard played it again. Robin said she's going to say that's an Oscar speech. Howard said she is wrong this time. He said that is from ''Reality Of Anal Extreme Pain.''
Howard played another clip which was a woman moaning in a quivering voice. Robin said that has to be anal. Howard said Robin is wrong! He said that is Frances McDormand. He played the full clip.
Howard said Robin has 2 right and 2 wrong. He said this will break the tie. Howard played another clip which was a woman moaning very loud. Howard asked if that's an Oscar speech or anal porn. Robin said this is it. She asked to hear it again. Howard played it a couple of times. Robin said she's going to say it's an Oscar speech. Howard said she is wrong. He said this is from the ''Reality of Anal Extreme Pain'' compilation. He played the full clip. He said that sounds horrible.
Howard said he's going to give Robin one more shot. He said he has another clip to play. He said forget what she just did. He said this is it. He asked if this is an Oscar speech or anal porn. He played a woman saying ''Oh boy'' with a moan. Robin said it has to be an Oscar speech. Howard said she is right and that was Meryl Streep. He played a longer clip from 1983.
Howard said good for Robin. He said from all of them at the Anal Porn or Academy Award game they bid you adieu. Howard sang a song to some music Fred had playing for the game. They went to break after that.
During a live commercial read Howard told Robin about how Will Murray got ''sea lice'' and got sick while he was on vacation. He went to some tropical island and he got E.Coli and took a shit on a beach. Then he washed his ass in the ocean and had to clean up in the ocean. Gary said while he was shitting he said he made eye contact with his wife. Will said he doesn't think that she thought he was serious. He said he had to dig a hole. Howard said no wonder he got lice. Will said the island was beautiful. Howard said he thought he paid like $7 for a hotel down there. Howard finished up his commercial read after that.
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Howard said he heard Jimmy Fink was happy about what he was saying about WPLJ yesterday. He said so many companies have gone bankrupt since they left terrestrial radio. Robin said they say some of the big companies might be combining to make one station. Howard said radio used to be so important. He said he knew what was going on in Alaska. He said he was steeped in radio. He said it's all so stupid. He said he's sitting there rubbing his penis talking about that. He said he's the only one rubbing it. He said it's such a dumb move to go to one of those places.
Howard said he read about that Bob Kraft thing and he saw that he got a blow job at that massage parlor. He said that he went back to back two days in a row. He said he read that he paid something up front and the girl put her mouth on his penis. Robin asked if he asked for that. Howard asked if he was there. He said he's not sure how that works. Howard said they timed it and it apparently didn't last long. He said they had details about the woman putting her head into his lap. He said the tears lube you apparently.
Howard said he's 73 and went two days in a row. Howard said at his age he needs an extra day for his balls to get filled again. He said he can't do two days in a row. He did his impression of the women working there at the Orchids of Asia place. He had them talking about washing balls and things like that.
Robin asked if he saw the picture of Tom Brady kissing Bob. Howard said they had a Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper moment.
Howard said he heard that this woman did the oral thing on Bob. He said he just read it. He got the paper and told Robin about Facebook and how they have people staring at horrible things to take off of Facebook. He said they look at awful stuff all day long. He said they have people with PTSD now.
Howard read about what Bob Kraft did at this massage place in Florida. Howard said he spent 11 minutes with a masseuse. Howard said the guy has 6 billion dollars so he doesn't need to go to a place like that. He said Ronnie was telling him that in the car this morning. He said Ronnie doesn't get this guy.
Howard had Ronnie come in to talk about it. Ronnie was there immediately. He said the guy has 6 billion dollars. He said get a nice hotel room and find some girls. He said he has people who can find them if he can't. Howard said maybe he doesn't know how to do it. Ronnie said that the concierge's have that information. He was calling them ''conciaire.'' Howard had to correct him.
Robin said she overheard a conversation in Atlantic City who went up to a security person and asked to be hooked up and they said they were not pimps. Ronnie said you don't go to a security company. Ronnie said there are people who know stuff like that.
Howard said he was talking to Trump once and he told him about these old billionaires who can't get anyone. He said they don't know how to get it done. Howard said this girlfriend must not be putting out enough.
Ronnie said he went twice in 8 hours the other night. He said they were out doing Karaoke and carrying on. Fred did his impression of Ronnie singing ''Sweet Caroline.'' Ronnie said he has that right. Ronnie said they got home at 2 in the morning and Stephanie was pretty wasted. He said she put on an outfit and put on a porno. Howard said she is sexed up. Ronnie said they did it and then woke up at 12 and did it again. Howard said they fucked when he got home. Ronnie said yes they did. He said they got up 8 hours later and did it again. He said no porno or anything the second time.
Ronnie said he had whisky dick the first time but he was able to make it work. He said it was a crazy night. He said he hasn't had that in a long time. Howard said he is a medial miracle.
Ronnie said they were in Daytona and they fucked 4 nights of the 8 they were there. Howard said he's amazing. He played a song parody about Ronnie's fucking.
Howard said they need to study his dick when he dies. Ronnie said he used his cock ring just once during vacation. He said he packs it in his overnight bag. Howard asked if he ever gets stopped by security. Ronnie said he doesn't have it in his carry on. He said it's in his luggage.
Howard asked about the porn they put on. Ronnie said it was some girl on girl crap. He said they watch that and then go back to having sex. Howard said he found the right girl. He said he's not sure why he's always yelling at her. Ronnie said that's the way they are. Robin asked when the have a bad sexual vacation. Ronnie said she got a cold toward the end so that ended it.
Howard asked what the outfit looked like. Ronnie said it was that baby doll look. He said she had the boots on. He said he loves those fucking boots. He said they're high boots. He said she kept them on during sex. Howard said what a great girl. Ronnie said she's awesome.
Howard said Ronnie is his hero. Ronnie said the best part of it is watching the movie, playing around, watching more of the movie and then the big climax. Robin said Howard should give Ronnie to Bob Kraft.
Howard asked if she put her fingers in his ass. Ronnie said she didn't. Howard said he knows he could get hooked up with some hookers by Ronnie if he had to. He said that he knows he'd get them and not get in trouble. Robin said he should send Ronnie to Bob Kraft. She said Bob needs a guy like that. Howard said he's the Tom Brady of Twat.
Ronnie said sometimes he uses two cock rings. He said he has one that Stephanie likes and one he lies that goes at the head. He said those things can keep you from going too quick too.
Howard read more about Bob Kraft and what went on the day that they saw him at this massage place. Howard said the woman apparently hugged Bob and he tipped her a $100 bill. He said that she hugged him for that. Ronnie asked if this was all caught on video. Howard said it was. He said they had like 4 cameras in here.
Howard said Kraft got into a Bentley and left the place. He said you don't want to go there in a Bentley. Robin said he did everything wrong. Howard said he'd ask him to get some stupid truck or something to bring him there. Robin said bring him in the back.
Howard said he's trying to get this timeline right. He said he went to the massage place and then went to a game in Kansas City. He said he went at 11:13 in the morning and then went to the game.
Howard asked how long the flight is to Kansas. He said it seems far away. Ronnie said it's probably a couple of hours. Howard said he would be nervous about getting to the game on time. He said he'd skip the blow job. He said with air travel things can go wrong. He said his driver must be pretty tight with him. He said he must know what's going on there.
Howard said when he was doing his thing after his divorce no one knew what he was up to. Robin said they did too. She said they were telling her what was going on. Howard said he thought he was flying under the radar. Robin said there is no flying under the radar.
Howard said Ronnie was driving him to these meetings. He said he wasn't going to massage parlors though.
Howard asked how this guy found the place. Ronnie said someone had to tell him about it. Robin said they say a lot of those kind of cars were going there. She said he must have had buddies he brought there.
Howard said there were 173 men named in all. He said they were doing a high volume there. He said they named some big names. He read off some of the names of the people who were going there. Ronnie said they get caught because they're frugal. Howard said one of the guys was the head of the Boys and Girls Club down in Florida. He said another guy was from a bank and he had to resign.
Robin said one of the people named was the boyfriend of a female golfer. She said he was a younger guy. Ronnie asked what's wrong with him.
Gary said he's reading the Orchids of Asia web site and they have packages you can buy and they go up to 3 hours. Howard said Bob was in and out in 11 minutes. He said you don't need 3 hours. Howard said they have this kind of thing there in New York. He said that it seems like they're letting you know what they do by the name. He said they call some of them ''Happy Ending Massage.'' He said Sal says that you can go to places that charge by the minute and if you finish in 2 minutes it's only 2 bucks.
Howard asked Sal to come in. Sal said he has seen places like that. He said they have sandwich boards that say a dollar a minute. He said it's a 10 minute minimum. He said that it's a dollar a minute. Howard said Sal has been in there. Sal said he has friends who have. Howard asked if he has ever gotten a 3 dollar hand job. Sal said there are no places like that. He said it's $10 minimum. Howard asked if he has ever spent $11. Sal said no.
Sal said if you do 10 minutes you tip $20. He said that if they're not crying you know they're not slaves. He said you have to look for a smile too. He said you want a place with a second floor so you can put on your pants if the cops are coming. Robin said that's crazy. Sal said you don't want cameras in the room either. He said you want TVs in the room with cameras outside. He said you have a monitor inside to watch outside the room.
Sal said if they had sense they would have cameras in the room looking out on the street. Howard told him to get out. Sal kept saying massage in a strange way so Howard goofed on him about that.
Howard asked if Sal looks for an escape route at these places. Sal said you should look for one.
Sal said he knows a guy who went to a massage parlor and he was trying to get the woman's top off. She was saying no. He said he was going for it touching her and she took it off and she only had one tit. He said that she warned him that it was no good. He said one is better than none. Howard said that wouldn't slow Sal down one bit. Sal said he'd tell her to turn to her good side. Howard said that doesn't slow Sal down at all.
Howard said getting back to Bob what can he do. Sal and Ronnie had suggestions for how he can get a woman to fuck him privately. Sal said just bring the girl to him at one of his love shacks. Robin said you bring the girl to him. Howard said it is a big drive from Palm Beach to Jupiter. Ronnie said it's like 40 minutes. Howard said Sal says to never get the hot towel. Sal said it's full of jizz. He said you don't want that. Sal said you get paper towel. He said it's the quicker picker upper. Howard said Sal has gone a million times. Sal said he hasn't. Howard said when he was a stock broker he did. Sal said he was married then.
Howard said Bob went to get this blow job on January 19th and then he went back on the 20th. He said he was part of a 3 way. He said he had two women in there. Sal said that's called Four Hands. He said it's a package deal. He said it's four hands. Ronnie said he didn't know that. Sal said he's so proud. Howard said Sal had an app. Sal said it was called Spa Now. Howard said it told you where the closest rub and tug was. Sal said it did. He said that the development process was out of control. He said that some people bought it and it did well. He said the developer may have gotten a conscience. Howard said the app may have been legal. Ronnie said it's almost like being a pimp.
Howard said on January 19th Bob got his rubdown and they had video of this hand job. Howard said they have Ming on the phone. He said that this is one of Sal's girls. He took the call from fake Ming who had such a bad impression of the woman that Howard hung up on her.
Howard read more about the details of Kraft's hand jobs. Howard read about how he was taken away in another Bentley. He said there was a 6 month investigation. He said they had a sneak and peek warrant so they could install the cameras. Ronnie asked how they got in there without them knowing. Howard said they have to pretend they're electricians or something. Robin said they have to be secret in some way.
Sal said this poor guy just wanted a hand job and a nap and he's caught on 4 cameras. Howard read more about the charges and what's going on with the case. Howard said here were 25 men charged in the case. Howard said they had the guy from the head of the Boys and Girls club who was charged. Sal said that guy was dumber than Kraft.
Robin said the health inspector was in that place and noticed all of this stuff going on there. He was the one who told the cops about it. Howard said he was an honest guy. Howard wondered if the cops treated it like a NFL game and had replays and stuff. Howard said it's odd that a billionaire is living just like a Ronnie and Sal. He said Sal is at a dollar a minute place. Sal said it's like Jiffy Lube. Ronnie asked how he finds these places. Sal said they advertise on the street.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that law enforcement knew about this for 8 month so why do they wait so long to bust them. Howard said juries today have to have a lot of evidence. He said that with OJ they don't have him on video. Robin said with R. Kelly they had video and they let him go. Howard said with the Russia investigation it has led down so many rabbit holes. He said they have to build the case. He said you have to have a case that is so iron clad that you can have an avalanche in court. He said the juries are dummies.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to get his money's worth at the massage place. He said that he asks the women not to talk. He said he tells them ''No talkie.'' Howard asked Sal if they get annoyed if you take too long. Sal said they put on a timer. Howard said that's a lot of pressure. The caller said he doesn't go to those places. He said he tries to hold out. The caller said they try to rush you. He said he'll ask them not to talk. Howard said maybe say ''Enough of the ching chong, back to the ding dong.'' He asked how long he holds out. The caller said it depends. He said if they smell you have to close your eyes and pretend.
Howard asked Sal if the women his friend goes to are good looking. Sal said based on the price you guess. Howard said they must not be. He said the guys probably don't look good either. The caller was saying that he tells the women to blow on his dick and then he cums on their lip. He said he'll get in there for like 40 minutes.
Howard let the caller go. He said High Pitch Erik wants to weigh in on this. Howard took a call from Erik who said he knows how Robert Kraft knows about this place. He said he's friends with Donald Trump and they both live in the same area. Howard said this is the slow theory. He said Erik thinks Trump suggested this. Erik said that Trump does feel sorry for the guy. Howard said maybe he'll pardon him. Erik said he will. Howard said imagine he pardons him for that. Howard said that's an interesting theory.
Erik said they both live in Palm Beach County so they must know about it. Howard said Erik thinks that Trump suggested this place to him. He said he'll go with that. Erik said he got a massage once from a Russian woman and he paid 50 bucks. He said he got jerked off. He said that was for 30 minutes. Howard asked if he came. Erik said he came in her hands. Howard said she must have been turned on because he's a sexy guy. Erik said that she put lotion on him and jerked him off. He said he came in like 2 seconds. Howard said he's a nice guy who didn't ask her not to talk. Howard asked if he thinks about Donnie Wahlberg. Erik said he didn't know him back then. He said he just thought about how good her hands felt. Ronnie said he probably thought about John Stamos.
Howard said he's with Brent and he thinks this should be legal. He said up in Canada they even take medical cards to pay for it.
Howard said he was reading about Weight Watchers stock going down. He said it's weird when you think about it. He said you go on it and then you lose weight and gain it back. Howard said the stock went up and went down. He said tat's the only thing that shrunk on Oprah. He said that she's still pretty heavy set. Robin said she did lose a lot of weight at the start but then she gained it back.
Ronnie said Marie Osmond looks awesome on that Nurtrisystem diet. Howard said no one is eating that Cauliflower pizza. Howard said the ladies love her though. Sal said his wife loves her.
Howard let Erik go and said that was a good theory. He said he likes he's home thinking of stuff. Robin told him to call back with his next theory. Howard said he loves when Erik adds. He did his impression of Erik telling them about what went on there.
Sal said he knew a place that used vegetable oil as lube. He said it smelled weird. Ronnie asked if that's what his friend told him. Sal said yes. He said he's in jail now.
Howard said here are sex dolls that will blow you. Ronnie said they should get one there. Robin said they know what to get Bob Kraft for Christmas. Howard said he's not sure how you clean it. Ronnie said maybe you put it in the dishwasher. Howard said this thing starts out slow but then he starts going to town. He said he wants to put the link up.
Howard said he has to take a break. Sal said he's thinking about not being able to find the batteries for the doll. Howard kicked him out and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has a tequila company called Mas Tequila so it's basically an ad. He also has a club by the same name. Robin said he has rules down there for drinking. She said you drink the drink but not the ice. She said you'll get sick if you drink the water down there. Howard said you have or write songs about what you know.
Howard said he thinks Sammy wanted the guys in Van Halen to invest in his tequila or something. He said just make music.
Howard said George Clooney sold his tequila for like a billion dollars. He said he and his agent have talked about how he can't put his name on this kind of thing but it works for people like Clooney. Robin said she wanted to put on a wine show and Don told her not to do it. She said now everyone is out there doing it. Howard said those Kardashians are selling everything under the sun.
Robin said on the Kardashians they had a girl who cheated with Khloe's boyfriend and she was selling her eyelashes. Howard said they had her on that show. He said that's crazy to have her on.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's on Twitter. Howard said he's on it every day. The caller said Whitney Cummings was singing a song on Twitter and she had a t-shirt on and she wasn't wearing a bra so her nipples were poking through. He said that he should check it out. Howard said he has to look at that. He said she has a good look. He said it's hard when you have a good look and you're a funny woman. He said he feels she gets a lot of shit from other comics. He said he thinks there's a lot of jealousy there. Robin said so what. She said Howard had the same thing. She said it just means you're doing well. Howard said he has a lot of jealousy even there. He said maybe he should dance around with his nips showing through his shirt.
Howard said he likes to see these In Memorium things on the awards shows. He said some people get a picture and some have a video clip. He said Burt Reynolds had a video clip. He said he'd be happy about that. He said he thought Verne Troyer would have been memorialized. He said he was in the movies. He said he died this year. He said they celebrated when the last munchkin died. He said he probably made more than the movie Green Book made. He said Carol Channing too. He said maybe she died too close to the award show. He said he was in a movie so what about him. He asked if he's going to be aced out too. He said they better leave him out or put him in movement from Private Parts. He said Carol Channing should have been mentioned. He said some of the people they mentioned were PR people. Gary said there was a guy in there who was big in the PR world but not that many people know who he is. He said they knew Penny Marshall was going to get video. He said Stan Lee got video. Howard said he deserved it. Gary said Neil Simon got video too. Howard said he wants video.
Howard said not a lot of good people died this year. He said the In Memorium was full of PR people and behind the scenes people. He said he thinks they're in for a big 2019. He said they might lose a lot.
Howard said they have that kid on E! who has a psychic show. He said he claims to talk to the dead. He said that kid is too cute to be doing that. He said you want some washed up woman from Long Island doing that. He said people really buy into that shit and they think he'd talking to the dead. He said he tried to watch that show and it's boring. He said he likes watching people who are into bullshit. He said he thinks that kid, Tyler Henry, predicted one of the Kardashians would be cheated on and now they made it into this big thing. He said E! has that whole Kardashian empire. He said that kid predicted one of the Kardashians would be cheated on. He said come on. He said that's a pretty easy prediction.
Howard said that Khloe Kardashian is really hot. He said they had her in there one time. Howard said that they have some hot women on The Bachelor too. Robin asked if he saw him lying in bed with that blonde and nothing happened. Howard said yes but he doesn't have the time to get into that. He said he has to work on his grammar. He said chicks are into that. He said the guy said ''I've never been droven by you before.'' He said he has to get that together. Robin said the girls aren't that great with their grammar either. Howard said he knows but come on. He said that was ''droven him insane.''
Howard said this kid on E! claims he got his powers when his grandmother died. Robin asked why that is. Howard said don't even ask why. He said that they have to get that whole story. He said she figures out how to contact Tyler when he's little. Howard said he is a cute kid and he looks like someone Michael Jackson would be hanging out with.
Gary said he predicted the death of Alan Thicke. Robin asked if it was by name. Gary said hold on. He said he did a reading with Alan and told him he might have heart issues. Howard said every older guy has heart issues. Gary said he also spoke to Janet Jackson and said that he was in touch with Michael.
Howard said he's going to predict that Kirk Douglas is going to die soon. Gary said they say before he discovered his talent he was on track to be a hospice nurse. Howard said whatever, some people believe. He said he has to take a break and get to Gary Clark Jr. He said that Eric Clapton heard this guy and came out of retirement. He said this guy can play his ass off. He said they need some music on the show today. He said there's too much hand job talk on the show. Howard said he's getting a message from the dead. He said Jimmy Carter doesn't have much time left. He said his grandmother told him that. He said his mother told him that his grandmother died and no one knew why. They just died and they were buried. Howard said he's going to take a break. He has to get to Gary Clark Jr.
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Howard came back and said Gary Clark Jr. is there. He said Gary is the man. Gary said thank you. Howard said he has to check out this band. He said he likes rock but this is the Blues. He asked how old he was when he started playing. Gary said he was 12. He said he would have started earlier if he had picked up a guitar. Howard asked if he was lonely. Gary said he was alright. He said he was a skinny dude who played basketball and sang in the choir. Howard said he wasn't that musical though. Gary said he was always into music. He said his friend had a band that lived down the street from him. He said it was cute girls playing in a band. He said he got tired of getting his ass beat in basketball. He said he went to play.
Howard asked if the guys hear the echo going on in there. He asked the guys to fix it. No one was responding.
Howard said Gary feels like he wasted a lot of time not playing guitar. He said this friend of his turned him on to guitar. Gary said it was Tito Jackson who turned him on to it. He said he saw him playing that red guitar. He said he wanted to be a part of playing on stage. Howard said Eric Clapton told him he was an inspiration to him. He said everyone wants to work with him now. Howard asked why he's that guy. He said he must be an authentic blues player. Gary said he's not asking. He said he's just riding the wave. Howard said this is some audio of Gary playing with the Stones in 2013. He played some of the clip and asked Gary how that came about. Gary said they're kindred spirits when it comes to that music. He said he hangs with them but he doesn't get invited to holidays with them. He said they asked him to just come sit in. Howard asked if he's nervous when he goes to do that. Gary said he doesn't get nervous. He said he has moments when he has shock on his face. He said he's sharing a mic with Mick Jagger. He said he wonders how that happened.
Howard asked what's going on with the echo. Gary (Dell'Abate) said they're working on it. He said it's a long explanation.
Howard asked Gary how he got to play with the Rolling Stones and if they let him do his own thing. Gary said they let him do his thing on stage. He said that's the most people he's played with.
Howard said this is Dave Grohl, Joe Walsh and Gary singing ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps.'' He played the clip and said what a song that is.
Howard asked when he hears the playback is he critical or does he enjoy it. Gary said he's good with that one. He said sometimes he'll make a mistake and say ''oops.'' He said there's nothing you can do. He said it happens every night. Howard said he must have this thing down. Gary said maybe he's just not that good yet. Gary said things just happen.
Howard said he liked his Grammy performance with William Bell. He said this was great too. He played the clip of that performance. Howard said it sounds good.
Howard asked Gary about getting a full scholarship and he didn't do it. Gary said he wanted no part of it. Howard asked if his father wanted to smack him around. Gary said he probably thought about it. He said you want your kids to be successful though. Howard asked if they were supportive of him going into music. Gary said they were when he started making some money. Howard said he was broke for a long time. Gary said that was by choice. He said he wanted to do what he was doing.
Howard asked what he did to learn. Gary said he went to the library and learned from books. He said he had a friend who taught him some stuff too. Howard asked if he was in his room playing for hours and hours. Gary said he was. Howard asked where that comes from. Gary said he's not sure but he has to do it every day. He said he stays up late and practices for 6-8 hours.
Howard said he has to get him to play something. He said he's going to do ''Come Together'' and he was hired to do it for a film. He asked if they wanted him to just do his own thing. Gary said they asked him to play on this cover of the Beatles song. He said this was part of a film but he wasn't told what film it was. He said it turned out it was for Justice League. He said he loves the song. Howard said the song took off. He said thank god he recorded it. Howard said this is a great song. He said this is Gary Clark Jr. with this band. He introduced his band Eric, Johnny on drums and another Johnny on bass and John on Keyboard. Howard said that's nuts. He said imagine it was John, John, John and Ringo in the Beatles. Howard had the guys perform ''Come Together.''
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He said they must have practiced. Gary said something like that. He said they're trying to work it out. Howard said he likes those power chords. He asked him to hit it one more time. Gary said it's tuned to open tuning. He said it's open C sharp. He said it's all there for him. He said it's fun stuff. Howard asked what kind of guitar that is. Gary said it's a Gibson SG. He said he was never into the guitars but the Foo Fighters had them. He said that Pat Smear gave him one and he was hooked from there. He said that was maybe 3 or 4 years ago.
Howard said he was reading that Brian May uses a coin as a pick. He said that must be where he gets that sound from. Gary said that might be part of it. He said he has a special guitar too.
Howard said people compare Gary to Jimi Hendrix but is that racist because he's black. Gary said he's not sure. He said it might be a little bit of both. He said that he's cool with being mentioned in the same sentence. He said it's weird but there will never be another Hendrix. He said that he's just happy to be there.
Howard said Gary grew up in a middle class neighborhood. He said it must have been hard. Gary said it was a good mix of people. He said he caught a good amount of shit from people. He said that it can kind of mess you up. Howard asked if music is the way to bring people together. He asked if everything stops when he's playing. Gary said that's pretty much it. He said people's ears perk up and they forget about everything for a while. He said they don't think about their beliefs and stuff. He said it's just enjoying the music and he loves being part of that.
Howard asked what his friend Eve is up to now. Gary said she's got her own band. He said she does her own thing. Howard asked if she turned him on to the blues. Gary said she did. He said they went to a place to see a blues band play. He said they signed up and played some Stevie Ray Vaughn and stuff like that. He said the guys there embraced them because they were into the blues.
Howard said when he was 15 years old his parents had to take him to the bar to play. He said he must have been a phenom. He said he was able to keep up with these guys. Gary said to go to school it's weird. He said that he was hanging out back stage with these blues guys and they were embracing him like he was part of their family. He said he'd go to school and be uncomfortable but he had this other thing.
Howard asked if his parents were worried for him or jealous at all. Gary said no. He said he learned a lot. He said his dad was known from running around in the blues clubs. He said he knew what was up. He said the people there looked out for him.
Howard asked who he played with after high school. Gary said he played with Jimmy Vaughn when he was 19. He said he had this Tilt a Whirl band. He said it wasn't a lot of money but it was enough to survive. He said he was selling CDs out of the back of his trunk.
Howard asked who changed things for him. Gary said Clapton did. He said he went out on tour with him in 2010 and he was in front of 20,000 people. He said after that it was boom, it's over. Howard asked if he hangs with Clapton at all or is it just business. Gary said it's pretty much business.
Howard asked if they just talk about guitars and the blues. Gary said it's just short and sweet. He said he thanks him for having him. He said he'll jab him about the amount of reverb on his guitar and things like that.
Gary said now he's there with Howard. Howard asked if he enjoyed doing Saturday Night Live. Gary said he did. Howard said his alum is coming out. Gary said it came out on Friday. Howard said he has a song where he uses the N-word and they edited it out of his Saturday Night Live performance. Howard said he understands the sensitivity to the word but in his song he's not endorsing it, he's singing about how that's going on in America. Howard asked if he was offended that they edited it out. Gary said he understands why they had to do it. He said he's not trying to shake things up too much.
Howard said Gary lives in Texas on a ranch with 50 acres. He said that sounds nice to him. He said he has a model wife and some kids. He said that's all he wants. He said he wants some animals and 50 acres. Gary said he's doing alright. Howard asked where he met his wife. Gary said he met her there. Howard thought he met her at Coachella. Gary said it's funny he said that. He said that's how he got her. He said he flew her out to Coachella. He said that's where they linked. Howard said if he could play guitar he'd be flying every woman he was interested in out there. Robin said no one else would be able to get tickets.
Howard asked how many cows he has on his ranch. Gary said he's not doing anything that crazy. Howard asked what he does during his day on the ranch. Gary said they have some help out there. Howard said he loves that. He said he wants to be on a farm but doesn't want to do anything.
Howard said this is a horrible story. He said his neighbor's dog was lost or something. Gary said it's a stupid story. He said this whole song is based on what has been happening and what he's witnessed in the past few years. He said that it's a lot. He said this situation with the guy was a small blip in the thing. He said he'd had enough of this. Howard said the neighbor wondered how he could afford this 50 acres and live there. Gary said he was cursing him out and he had his son with him. He said the guy said ''Welcome to the neighborhood mother fucker!'' and gave him the finger. He said he thinks the guy was shocked that he could afford it. He said it was stupid. He said his animal wandered on his property and he told the guy what was going on. He said he has to live there so he doesn't want any trouble. He said it was stupid. Gary said he's there so just accept it. He said he'd like to have a beer with the guy some day.
Howard said they should do their next song. He said this is in honor of their new album ''This Land''. Howard said this is the title track of the album. Howard shut up and let them do their thing.
After the song Howard said that is a sexy riff. He asked how he wrote that song. He asked him to do some of that riff. Gary did it for him. Howard asked if he's fucking around in the barn or something. He asked what he comes up with first. Gary said it's all over the place. He said he uses digital stuff. He said some of it is playing guitar or playing piano. He said he sings it into the phone or whatever. He said he has a portable studio kind of set up. Howard said he can put it together in his hotel room then. Gary said he can.
Howard said he was laughing during the song because he was wailing on that guitar so hard. He said he wants to jam with a band and hit the pedals. Gary said those pedals are pretty basic. Howard asked for a demonstration of what it does. Gary showed what a fuzz sounds like. He said you can kick into that and then into a tremolo thing. Howard asked how many buttons he has down there. Gary said he has about 6. He said this guy over here has more. Eric had more stuff going on over there. Howard asked Eric to give him some cool effects. Eric played him some stuff. Howard said he'd be doing that. Robin said that's a fancy guitar. Howard asked what that is. Eric said it's a Moulon from South Korea.
Howard said when he plays air guitar he fucks with the pedals. He said he doesn't actually play guitar. Robin said the white guys were singing ''Run nigger run'' too. The guys told Robin not to get them in trouble. Howard asked if it's okay for white people to sing along. Gary said no. He said just listen to it. Howard said he's not fucking with that song. Gary said just listen.
Howard said Gary is doing it and living his fantasy. He said he loves it. Gary said he's having a good time. Howard said he's great. Gary said he was doing some stuff and he made some mistakes in that song. Howard said he was driving it pretty hard. He said he was laughing because it was so impressive. Howard asked if he digs Eddie Van Halen. Gary said of course. He said Michael Jackson introduced him to Eddie. Howard said he saw Slash and Michael doing a song and Michel kept telling him to stop and Slash wouldn't stop.
Howard said Gary is pretty fast on his guitar. Gary said he's not as fast as Eddie Van Halen. He said he likes to listen to Buddy Guy and guys like that. Howard said that's why the Stones want him.
Howard asked what it was like playing the White House. Gary said it was amazing. He said it was cool. He said that they say the blues are dying so it was great that the Obamas threw that party. He said that it was great to be a part of it. Howard asked if the blues are dead. Gary said not at all. He said he just heard it. Howard said that these days it's like there is no music appreciation. He said it's all going to hell.
Howard said Gary and his band are awesome. He asked what the keyboard player was doing. He had him play some of that. Howard asked what the fuck that is. He said that's a Moog. Howard said he has to get one of those. He said they have it going on. Gary said he appreciates that. Howard gave Gary a plug for the new album ''This Land'' and said go get that album.
Howard said you can go to GaryClarkJr.com for tour info and stuff like that. Howard thanked the guys for getting up so early to do this. Gary said he gets up early to take the kids to school.
Howard asked if Gary was up late last night. Gary said he was in bed. Howard asked about smoking weed and trying to play on mushrooms one time. Gary said the shrooms don't work for him. Howard asked if he took it easy last night. Gary said he did. Howard said he saw him in a John Varvatos ad. He said he has to have a look. Howard said he has a look. He said he's wearing a scarf and all of that. Howard said he's wearing John Varvatos too. Gary said it works for those tall guys. Gary said his ex girlfriend threw out all of his clothes and went shopping for him. Howard said she must have been pissed when they split. Gary said she actually took it all back. He said she took it all.
Howard said Gary has played with the Stones and Eric Clapton. He's played with the Foo Fighters and more. Gary said now they're here with Howard. Howard wrapped up and let them go after that.
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Howard took a call from Balls but Howard was distracted by something playing in his headphones. Gary said they're taking care of it.
Balls said he wanted to thank him for all of the joy he brings with his show. He said he just wanted to tell him he appreciates the show. Howard said he must be angling for something. Balls said he just wanted to say that, he's not looking for anything. Balls said he knows that Bill Murray is coming in tomorrow so he has to hear that. Balls said that Gary Clark Jr. was great. Howard said he would go see that guy. He said it was such a treat to see him shred on that guitar he was laughing. Balls said he was wondering if it was really live. Howard said he was thinking about how he has to get it up on the app. He said he was something to watch play. Robin said it really was. She said she wasn't able to move. Howard said he saw her over there getting excited. Robin said the whole thing was amazing. Howard said he's a nice guy too.
Balls asked Howard to rank the guys on the staff from least to most interesting. Howard said the needs a day on that. He said Benjy is on the bottom of the list. He said then you think about how weird he is and maybe he's interesting. He said he's running around saying he's a pilates instructor now. He said the guy is fat as a cow though. He said that's absurd. He said there was something weirdly entertaining about it. Gary said he's been putting out that he's becoming a personal trainer. Howard said what a douche but then he's thinking it's interesting. He said he's built like a potato. Howard said there might be a movie here.
Howard said he could do a movie like a Sacha Baron Cohen movie. Benjy came in and said he thought of that. Howard said he just thought of it so don't take that away from him. Howard asked why he's saying he's an instructor. Benjy said he was joking around. Howard thanked him for coming in and let him go. Howard said he has to put a muzzle on Benjy.
Howard said he thinks Memet is interesting when he talks. He said he clearly doesn't understand himself. Howard said Sal and Ronnie are interesting. He said Sal knows everything about jerk off parlors. He said the least interesting might be Will but he had that shit story and the fleas story. He said it's so difficult because anyone can be interesting. He said Bobo can be interesting.
Howard said that Robin took anal from a stranger. He said she's the most interesting. Robin said she was hit on by 80 year old men. Howard said everybody is a star like that Sly and the Family Stone song says.
Howard said Fred changed his name and didn't tell anyone. He said that he might be the most interesting. Fred played the song that Howard had just mentioned. Howard mentioned that Jon Hein claims he got 80 blow jobs in college.
Howard said Brent is a swinger but he hasn't swung. He said JD didn't wash his sheets for at least a year. He had a lot of stories like that. Howard said Sal thinks he levitated. Robin said Richard is rotting from the inside out. He said it's like the X-men of weirdness there. Howard said Richard is going to come in there and have a wine drinking contest with Robin. He said he's not sure how he could ever sum that up. He said fuckin' Ronnie is a think tank of weird. He said the guy is like 900 years old and he's got cock rings and he's fucking. Robin said he's pegging and doing everything.
Balls asked if Ronnie will ever lose interest in sex. Robin said maybe in death. Howard said he has a picture of Ronnie in a coffin. He said he brought him to get a tattoo once and he got into it. He said he found that picture the other day. Howard said Ronnie looked very natural in there. He said it looked like 2 day rigor mortis had set in. Howard said Ronnie's girlfriend got all excited over that picture. He said she came 3 times. Howard said Ronnie is going to be buried with his cock rings.
Howard said there's really not anyone there who isn't interesting. Balls told Howard to check out Shuli's new album. He said he heard it on the comedy channel. Howard said check that out.
Howard said he was mental on vacation. He said he was playing that Sponge ''Plowed'' video they have on the app. He said he was playing it over and over. He played some of it for Robin.
Howard said Gary ran into Brandi Carlile and she was telling him that she got a lot of great feedback about her performance on the show. Gary said she said that Howard wondered why no one had heard of her and now that she's been on the show everyone has. Howard said she's so great. He played her singing one of her songs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is a new listener. He said he decided to spring for the premium subscription. He said he has been listening about a month or so. He said what got him into it was a clip he saw of Howard going out to a restaurant and Robin ordering the $800 bottles of wine. He said he figured he was missing out. Howard said it's interesting to him this whole journey of going to SiriusXM. He said he didn't know what it was going to be like. He said he knew he was going to lose listeners. He said what's even more exciting about where they're at is that it's guys like Joe who are discovering them. He said they can play the old stuff and the new stuff. He said he still gets a charge out of people finding them. The caller said it's been good.
Howard said now they own Pandora and he's not sure what will happen there but they may reach more people. He said there was a press release that says they're on Amazon or something. Robin said they're on Amazon Fire TV. She said you can watch video on Amazon Fire. Gary said it's amazing because Apple TV has it too. He said he's watching the music stuff and it's amazing. Gary said you just get the SiriusXM app and you can watch video or listen to SiriusXM. Robin said they have a lot of on demand or live stuff. Howard said the big deal is he's on TV. Robin said he's streaming.
Howard said Gary's teeth on a 65 inch TV sounds scary to him. Robin said Rami Malek had to deal with them in Bohemian Rhapsody. The caller told Howard to check him out on Mr. Robot. Howard said he tried but it wasn't his thing.
Howard asked what the mom does when he does the anal or Oscar game. She said she turns that off. Howard asked how long she waits to see if they're still on topic. The mom said she checks in every stop light. Howard asked what the question is. The mom asked what Amanda wanted to ask. Amanda got back on and said her brother is being bullied by another kid his age. Howard said he was bullied and it was unbelievable. He said he was a punching bag. Howard told Amanda to tell her brother to run home as fast as he can. Mom said that her son did kick the kid in the balls. Howard said he would fold up into a ball.
The mom said that it's mostly verbal. Howard said what he could do is get him some photos of the kids and he'll make up some nicknames for them. He said find their weaknesses and exploit them to the maximum amount. Howard said if he had to do it over again he'd learn kung fu. He said that this kid should learn it. Howard said his parents took him to some karate school and it was a disaster.
The mom said that her husband told her son to kick the kid's ass. Robin said you can't do that these days. Howard said if this kid bulks up they won't bother him. Howard asked if the kid is goofy. The mom said he's cool actually. She said that he's a pretty cool kid. Howard said then he's not getting bullied. He said he has never heard of a cool kid being bullied.
The mom said her son made a mistake and took money and gave it to some other kids at school. Howard asked if he's Robin Hood. Mom said he is kind of. She said he took some money he had. She said he's 10 and he made a mistake. She said she found out about it and recovered the money. She said her son had to pay the consequences and this other kid is making fun of her son over that. She said that was months ago. Howard said just learn karate. He said drive the kids to school and leave the radio off. Howard said bye to the mom and Amanda. Howard said those kids are doomed. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news talking about while they were away one of the FOX and Friends hosts said that he hasn't washed his hands in 10 years. He doesn't believe in germs. Howard said that's worse than flat earth. Robin said JD said the guy was joking. Robin said it's being reported that it's a real thing. Howard said he's out of control with his germ thing. He said Beth has had a cold for 2 weeks and he's so germ phobic. He said they had to sleep in separate rooms. He said he's walking around like Howard Hughes. He said that he can't come to work sick. He said he locked himself in a room away from her during vacation. He said she won't touch anything before he does. He said it was way out of hand. He said he had to wash his hands if they fucked up. He said he's so tortured.
Howard said yesterday was the worst. He said Ralph was over. He said he had washed up and sang the alphabet while washing them. He said he sings the alphabet while he does it. He said he was in such a rush that he sang it really fast. He said Ralph was over and he was dead tired. He said it was like 8 o'clock and he got into The Bachelor. He said he left his closet area and hit the light switch. He said he was just about to tug on the hairs that come out of his nose. He said he likes doing that because it makes him sneeze. He said then he thought about how Ralph probably turned that light off and he touched that switch. He said he knows he has to get over that germ thing. He said that he knows he can't touch himself but then he touched his nose. He said then he figured he had Ralph in his nose. He said he went and washed his hands but he realized he has to turn the light out again. He said he used his t-shirt to do that. He said he knows he's out of control with that. He doesn't want to be sick though. He said Ralph is always sick. He was just sick a couple of weeks ago. Howard said he's way out of control.
Robin had Howard play the clip of this guy from FOX and Friends talking about not washing his hands. Howard said what an idiot. Howard said he's a fucking maniac. Howard said if you don't believe in germs because you can't see them then you must not believe in God because you can't see him. He said there you go. Howard said this is why we have Measles outbreaks. He said they start these stupid things. He said he doesn't think that guy was kidding.
Robin read a story about how the Oscars had an up tick in the ratings. Robin said they say that they had 29.6 million viewers and that's 3 million more than last year. Robin said they did not have a host so it had a fast paced feel.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that no one thanked Stan Lee in their speeches at the Oscars. He said that black chick rambled on for a half hour but didn't mention Stan Lee. He said she wouldn't have been there without Stan. Howard said Stan Lee invented all of that stuff. Ralph said the stuff he invented was incredible. Howard said he was the most important guy for Marvel. Ralph said every movie they make billions with is because of Stan Lee. Howard said if they gave Robert Downey Jr. an Oscar he would have thanked Stan Lee.
Robin said Howard was carrying on about the performance of ''Shallow'' by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. Robin said Lady Gaga claims that it was directed by Bradley Cooper. Robin had some audio of Lady Gaga talking about that. Howard said he decided to walk up from the audience and he staged it but he didn't direct it. Robin said all of that camera movement was Bradley. Howard said he doesn't believe it. Robin said she just said it. Howard said he still doesn't believe it.
Robin asked how Howard feels about the Walking Dead cast changing. Howard said he thinks that they're in trouble with repeating themselves but he still loves the show. Robins said that they lost Andrew Lincoln and now Michonne is leaving. She said Maggie is no longer there either. Robin said she is doing another show for another networks so she's off the show. Howard said he likes to see people get raises so they had better pull it together. Howard said they have a new villain who walks around with zombie masks on. He said they need some fresh story lines. Robin said they keep changing things there. She said she's not seeing what they claim they're doing for the show. Howard said Ronnie is a big fan and he's thinking of bailing on it.
Howard had Ronnie come in to talk about that. Ronnie said he has to watch until the end. Robin said this is not a finale for the show. Ronnie said Stephanie read that it's going to be done. Robin said they are also spinning off Lincoln to do movies. Ronnie said they have that Norman Reedus guy doing a motorcycle show. Robin said the plan with Andy Lincoln is that he's in the rest of the world finding out how people are doing. Howard said they should be doing that on the show. Robin said they're losing a lot of people on the show. Howard asked if Ronnie will stop watching the show. Ronnie said he will if it doesn't change. He said he's been watching it since day one. He said it's the same shit over and over again. He said this ripping the zombie faces off is ridiculous.
Howard said Jon Hein says the show has jumped the shark. Jon said that it jumped when Neegan smashed the skulls. He said that Neegan is softening up too. He said he has to be nasty and evil. Robin said she thinks that Neegan is going to be the new Rick. Howard said Jon says the show has jumped the shark after the skull bashing. Howard said that was a great season though. Howard said they never punished Neegan the right way. He said they should have cut his penis off and dragged him through the streets. Robin said they killed Jesus off as soon as you get to like the guy. Howard asked what happened here. Robin said it was flash back. Ronnie said that it didn't make any sense. Robin said they have taken every person you've loved and killed them off.
Howard asked if Ronnie likes any of the new characters. Ronnie said he likes that mother of the kid. He said they're getting rid of all of the hot chicks though. Howard asked who the hottest chick was. Ronnie said Rick's wife was smokin. Howard said she was fucking Jon Bernthal. Ronnie said he's not sure. He said they're all kids now. He said you don't want to think about them. Jon said there are a lot of Rosalita fans. He had to tell the guys who he was talking about.
Howard said they have to get back to the news. He said he loves hearing Ronnie talk about the Walking Dead though. He wondered what Ronnie would do if he had to give them notes on the show. Robin said it would be all women with big tits. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Oscars and how Jeff Bezos was at a party with a mystery woman. Howard said he's smart. He said he just got divorced and now he's dating. He said he's not locking in yet. He said he loves Amazon and what Jeff has created. He said that he's been married awhile and now he's sending out dick pics. He said you don't do that when you're a billionaire. He said you know your dick pic is going to get out. He said you know he has a big one if he's not afraid of that. Howard said in some subliminal way you want people to see it if you send one. He said he cringes every day worrying about someone seeing his penis. Robin said he must think to himself that he has kids. Howard said no way. He said you don't think about the kids when that venom gets inside of you. Fred played some Dave Lampert drops where he was telling a woman to get the poison out. Howard said that's the guy who created the Sybian.
Robin read a story about the treasurer of the Vatican being found guilty of sexual abuse. Robin said a secret trial was held back in December and it's just now being revealed. Howard said the only way the church can pull this off is to neuter people. Robin said if you do that then you really do love god.
Robin read a story about 11 more people coming forward saying they were assaulted by Michael Jackson. Howard said his mother never thought he was a pedophile. He said he talked to her about it once. He did his impression of what that conversation was like. He was doing his mom's voice and threw his dad in there too. Robin said she just watched a documentary about Sammy Davis Jr. and if anyone had a life similar to Michael Jackson, it was Sammy. Robin said he was on stage at 3 years old. Robin said when he grew up he didn't want to hang around with kids. She said he wanted women. Howard said when he was growing up he thought Sammy was the best looking guy. He said he asked his mom if he was good looking and she said ''No. He's super talented and an all around entertainer.'' Howard said he never thought he was good looking after that. Robin said the documentary was very good. Howard kept going with his mom's thoughts on people's looks.
Robin read more about the 11 accusers for this Michael Jackson thing. Robin said they say that they may have to exhume his body if this goes forward. Robin said she's not sure what they could get off his body now. Howard said just dig him up and they'll get the proof.
Robin said R. Kelly got out of jail yesterday. She said that the bond was $100,000 and some friends helped him get that. Robin said a bunch of GoFundMe pages popped up for that. Robin said that Michael Avenatti is part of the case and he's representing someone. Robin said that he's not saying if the tapes he has presented were the same person in the first tape. Robin had some audio of him and some other people commenting on the case.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that the word nigger is only offensive to older black people. He said not so much younger. Robin asked if white people can sing the word. King said white people can sing it if it's in context. Howard said he thought he was going to talk about R. Kelly. King said he is. He said that he's not defending him but he is simply saying that in the videos the girl is seemingly talking about how she has 14 year old body parts. He said that could be role playing. He said that's what he could use as a defense. He said he's not defending him though. Howard said alright and let him go.
Robin read a story about Jussie Smollett and a check that was written to the guys who beat him up. Robin said Jussie is claiming that the check was for training him to get him some abs. Howard said he's more interested in the brothers. He said he can imagine a TV show about them. Robin said the police are saying that there will be more information released and it appears Smollett's story isn't holding together.
Robin read a story about a former campaign manager who says there was inappropriate behavior from Donald Trump. Robin said she claims that he kissed her on the side of her mouth without permission. Robin said she's suing Trump now.
Robin read a story about how some politicians want El Chapo to pay for the cost of building the wall.
Robin read a story about Kim Jong Un preparing for his meeting with President Trump. Robin said that Michael Cohen will be speaking to congress tomorrow as well.
Robin read a story about a mother and daughter who were arrested for killing 5 of their family members. Fred played a Jackie laugh over that. Robin had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Ariana Grande returning to England where terrorists killed some of her fans. Robin said she's going back to thank the fans and have another concert there. Robin said it's very brave and gracious for her to do that. Robin had Howard play some of her music. Robin said she's the most followed woman on Instagram. Robin said she has like 146 million followers. Robin said the only other person followed by more is a soccer player with 155 million.
Robin read a story about a new study that finds a greener childhood can lead to a happier adulthood. Robin said children who grow up around trees and bushes will have less mental health issues. Howard said Fred grew up on a farm and he doesn't look so good to him. Fred said he could be worse. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's been trying to do a new thing during the show. He has to stand up. He said he read that sitting on your fat ass is the new smoking. He said he's trying to stay healthy and he's sitting around. He said they say it's the same as smoking cigarettes. He said it's a very intense 4 hours though. He said even in the breaks he uses that time to organize his thoughts. He said it's difficult because he has his stuff laid out in front of him. He said he has all of the computers there. He said it's designed for him to sit. He said he needs to sit on his ass. Robin said he needs a board that goes up and down. Howard said they tried it but it it's ridiculous. He said he could stand and use a microphone but he has to work the board. He said he's basically forced into smoking.
Robin said he could have an engineer. Howard said there is no engineer there. He said he has to work everything. He said he's old school. He said you see these guys who don't know how to work their equipment. He said they're poseurs. He said it's like Milli Vanilli fooling people.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who he would pick on The Bachelor to marry. Howard said usually these guys get rid of the black girls on the show. He said this is a new thing. Howard said all three are beautiful. He said if it were him he likes Cassie. Robin asked if she was a beauty contest winner. Howard said no. He said both of those girls are gone. He said they weren't that hot anyway. He said he likes Cassie's sister the best. He said when she was getting love advice from her he thought she was hot. He said he wants both of them.
Howard said some of the moms on the show look like a mess so you wonder if the women are going to turn into that. He said he's going to be fucking all of the sisters and the moms on the show.
Howard said his favorite is the young black lady. He said it's like Tayshia. Robin said that can't be it. Howard said it really is. He said her dad was the coolest. He said she has a white mom and a black dad. He said he knew that. He said he could tell she was mixed race. Robin said stop it. She said that would be racist. Howard said he grew up in a black neighborhood. He said he observed and became an expert.
Howard said he liked that Tayshia's dad who said this is a little quick to say yes to someone proposing. Howard said he was a nice guy but he thinks he wanted to tell her she's a moron. He said he turned to her and said you can't microwave a relationship. He said he wrote that down. He said that's a great line.
Howard said they had some hot chicks on that show. He said that Hanna B was hot. She's called an ''influencer.'' He said she's in a bikini and in various stages of undress and he wants to look at her. He said she's influencing his cock. He said she was a beauty pageant winner. Howard said she's super hot.
Howard said he never dated a girl who did this but some of the girls run up and grab the guy and wrap their legs around him. Howard said he has never had that. He said that's like a daddy's girl kind of move. He said his girls would do that when they were like 2 years old. He said they never ran up to him though. He said they knew he'd collapse.
Howard said he can't wait until the overnights. He said that's going to be fun. He said he has an issue with his penis. He said he's a virgin and he has no idea what to do. He said he will be flaccid and he's going to spend all night trying to get it up. He said there will be issues. Robin asked if that's why he runs and jumps over the fence. Howard said he thinks so. Howard said this guy sucked at football but he put all of his time into it so he didn't date. Howard said most football players run on pussy juice. He said they can play and fuck. He said this guy wasn't able to do that.
Howard said Bob Kraft is able to stop at Orchids of Asia before a game. He said he had two women rubbing him. Robin said he had four hands. Howard said they must have gone home and talked about how that was. Howard did his impression of what that conversation might have sounded like. He said those poor women have to rub dude's cocks. He said the world is a dark place.
Robin said she loves how they said they helped get Bob dressed. She said that's embarrassing. Howard said it would be a great movie to have Bob fall in love with one of the women from that place. He said she could bring him a cup of juice to revive him. He said he'd have all of these years on earth and no one ever brought him a glass of juice to revive him so he falls in love with her. Howard said there's no yelling or anything. He said he just came and she gives him this juice. He said they have to revive his electrolytes.
Howard said in Pretty Woman Jason Alexander tries to fuck Julia Roberts. He said they'll have something like that in this movie. He was making up this whole story about Bob Kraft falling in love with this woman at the massage parlor. He was doing the voice for the woman and had Bob bringing her home to his big house. She's asking where her shipping container is. He said she'll have a bed and a master closet. He said she won't have to live under a desk anymore.
Howard said he comes up with great stuff like this and someone will steal it. He said this is called ''Orchids of Asia.'' Robin called it ''Pretty Woman: Orchids of Asia.'' Howard said he'll do that. He did a promo for the movie as a movie trailer announcer.
Howard said he's going to have Michelle Yeoh play Pretty Woman. He said Jack Black will play Bob Kraft. Robin said he's too young. Howard said they can do the makeup like they did in ''Vice.'' Robin said they need an older guy. She said they can get Gene Hackman out of retirement. Howard said they have Julia Roberts play the spa Madam. Howard asked if Robin would see this. Robin said she's lining up. Howard said Ted Sarandos is begging him for this. He said he's giving him $500 million for it.
Howard said they can have George Takei there as the guy who jerks off gay guys. He did his George impression talking about man on man love. Robin said one of the guys said they got a foot massage at a place like that. Howard said they can have George doing that. He said Margaret Cho can play the funny woman at the spa.
Howard said the feds get wise to the whole thing and have to go in. Fred was playing drops for the movie Howard was creating.
Howard said the trailer is 25 minutes long. He said he'd have to cut that down. He said he really wants to make this movie. He said he could probably get Bob Kraft to be in the movie. He said he's his pal. Robin said he's not a good actor. She said he's acting innocent and she's not buying it. Robin said he says he didn't commit any illegal activities. Howard said they could get Richard Gere to play Bob Kraft. He said they look about the same age.
Howard said he has to get into that paper packaging business. He said that's what Bob was into. He said that's where the money is. Robin said he's controversial too just like Howard. Howard said maybe they can get Daniel Day Lewis to play Bob. He said he might have to go deep into the character and get a lot of blow jobs to play it. He said he'll have to tell him to get the fuck out of there. Howard said you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll blow your load at Orchids of Asia.
Howard said he gets jealous thinking about Bob Kraft. He said he has $6 billion from making paper. He asked how you get to own trees. Robin said you buy them. Howard said you can't just go to the forest and chop them down. Robin said you have to finagle. Howard asked how you do that. He said he met a really rich guy who made paper bags and he had a lot of money. He said he had a conversation with Don about not making enough money. He said he was at WNBC not making enough to buy a house. He said this guy with the paper bags is rich. He said he was told he's making money in his sleep. He said Don said he didn't want to make his mommy like that.
Howard said he could have Pat Morita playing the guy in China who is the dishonored father. Robin said Pat is no longer with us. Howard said he just saw Bob Kraft is ranked 89th in the list of the richest guys. He said put him in there.
Howard said he knew a guy who owned a paper mill and he was rich. Robin said she knows people who work for paper companies. Howard said that seems to be the way to go. He said you get 6 billion and get to own the Patriots. Howard asked Gary if he ever asked Bob about that. Gary said no but they do know that he did a lot of packaging stuff too. Howard said he wants to make those boxes they ship everything in. Fred said he got into the business that his father in law ran. Robin said it's his wife's money. Fred said that's how he got into it. Robin said he made it something.
Howard said Bob is the man. He said he's still working hard. He said he thinks he could get into that business. He asked how you get Amazon to buy your boxes. Robin said you need a sales team. Howard said how about bubble wrap. He said people love that stuff. He said he's looking to corner the market on that.
Robin said 3.7 billion of his worth is the Patriots. Howard said that's cool. He made up more for his movie after hearing that. He said they could have Kim Jong Un play a fat masseuse. He said he hates that fuck. He said Donald has some sort of plan for this but he hates that he says he's in love with that guy. He said you can't say that. He said Donald won't call him anymore because he didn't vote for him. He said you can't say you love the guy. He said he has killed Americans. He said Kim Jong Un has raped and pillaged his own people. He said it's like saying you love Hitler. He said you just can't say that.
Robin said she heard a guy explaining why he says this stuff. Howard said he knows that he thinks he needs to be buttered up but he really just needs to go away. Robin said they have to make him feel like a big man.
Howard said it's the wrong message. He said Kim Jong Un is a cunt. Robin said that maybe he's making pretend he likes him. Howard said Kim Jong Un is a really bad dude. He said he's right up there with Hitler. He said these Saudi Arabians killed one of our people. He said these are our ''friends.'' Robin said that they remain friends to Trump. Howard said he doesn't know man. He said this movie he's talking about is going to be big.
Howard said according to Dennis Rodman Kim Jong Un is a good guy. Robin said he kept calling him the Marshall. Howard said if you're going to be a crazy leader then make yourself a general. He asked why the modesty. He said that Gaddafi made himself a Colonel. He said don't find modesty and call yourself a colonel. He said the planet is full of evil people. He said they're plotting and planning. He said it's a dangerous world out there.
Howard said you don't want to get caught at Orchids of Asia because Bobo will goof on you. He imagined the call from Bob Kraft about that.
Howard asked what question Bobo wrote down. Bobo said he has some bullshit to call out. He said Andy Cohen brought his newborn on a plane. He said he's risking things with that kid on the plane. He said he should put him on a private plane. Howard corrected Bobo on something he said in that statement.
Howard said someone was yelling at Andy about that and they call it ''throwing shade'' on him. He said that Andy had to take the baby somewhere and it was on a plane and the kid can have ear aches from the pressure change. He said Andy got the baby and he was on the cover of People magazines with it. Robin said she resents that. Howard said Andy was never on the cover before that. Robin said it usually goes to the woman who had the baby.
Howard said it was great in the Borat movie and he was waiting for the baby he adopted on the luggage rack. Howard said he has to go back and watch that again.
Howard said Andy was upset about people spending time watching what he's up to. Robin said he created that kind of thing. Howard said it is kind of like the Real Housewives stuff.
Howard said that baby is paying off for Andy. He said that kid still had placenta on him and it was on the cover of People. He said it's already been signed up for Dancing with the Stars. He said it's only 3 days old. He said he bets he has his hands full with that kid. He said he hasn't heard from Andy since then.
Howard told Bobo not to think he's better than Bob Kraft. He said Bobo fucked his vacuum. Bobo said he as some breaking news. He said he'll be on News 13 down there in Florida. He said he'll be on every hour on the hour talking about car tire safety. Bobo said people are on the side of the road putting themselves in danger. Howard said he'd call AAA. He said goodbye to Bobo. Fred wanted to ask a question but it was too late. Fred did his Bobo voice asking about carrying a pump in the car even though the tire had a puncture.
Howard asked who News 13 is and why are they going to Bobo. He said they should investigate Bobo for fucking his vacuum. He said that expert fucked his vacuum cleaner. He said they should have that on the screen when he's giving his advice.
Gary said Bobo wears a police hat and he seems to be insinuating that he has some authority. Howard asked if he's wearing it in the interview. Gary said he is. He said you think he's a police officer. Howard said get him back on the phone.
Howard said Bobo is always trying to look like some sort of expert. He said the guy has an 82 IQ.
Gary came in and showed Howard what Bobo as wearing. Howard got Bobo back on and said they're looking at him on TV and he has that cap on. He asked what's up with that. Bobo said he got that a while back. He said that's his friend John. Howard said Bobo is not a police officer. Bobo said he's not but he's been wearing it for over 12 years. Howard asked if he thinks it's misleading when he's being interviewed. Bobo said no. He said he doesn't have a badge. Howard said he's wearing that red cross shirt too. Bobo said that's the safety council. He said he's worked for them for 18 years. Bobo said he's not wearing a uniform. Howard said it's misleading. Robin said he's always trying to imply that he's something. She said that Bobo is trying to pretend to be a policeman.
Howard asked why Bobo doesn't wear a dunce cap instead. He said he could dress up like an astronaut. Bobo said it's all about the safety stuff. Howard said he's not a police officer. Bobo said he knows that. Howard asked if the guy who interviewed him knows he fucked a vacuum cleaner. Bobo said keep that quiet. He said that was a long time ago.
Howard had Fred ask Bobo a question about the tire having a puncture and how you blow it up if it has that. Bobo said you can pump it up as long as it's not in the sidewall of the tire. He called himself a genius.
Bobo also claimed that everyone knows him down there. He said that he had a cop come up to him the first day he was down there and the guy knew who he was.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she lives in Orlando and she listens to channel 13. She said she'd die if she heard Bobo giving advice. She said she'll be watching to see his advice. Howard said you'll see him in that police hat. Bobo said it's a MTA hat. He said that it was the team he worked with.
Gary said Bobo was worried that terrorists got his information because he worked for the government. He said Shuli told him that they aren't looking for postal workers. Bobo was still worried about that.
Howard let Bobo go and took a call from a guy who said they make a joke of Bobo down there. He said he lives there and he works in the TV industry. He said it's just filler. He said it's not headline stuff. Howard asked if they're all goofing on Bobo down there. The caller said not all of them but yes.
Howard had some audio of Bobo talking about bicycle safety on channel 13 down there. He played the clip and Bobo was talking about the bike lanes down there and how they have nowhere to go. He said they're in grave danger when that happens. Bobo suggested using the trails down there instead of riding on the roads.
Howard said he's moronic. He said the more visibility you have the more you'll be seen. That's what Bobo said. Howard said Bobo makes the news boring too. He said he zoned out during that clip. He said they must be low on experts down there. That led to Howard and Fred doing their Bobo voices goofing on him for a minute. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and asked how good this is. Robin knew it was Staind when Howard asked if she knew. Howard asked what happened to them. Robin said she doesn't know. She said they sang with Beetlejuice and they never heard from them again. Howard said that's Aaron Lewis singing. He sang some of the song and asked if they still tour. Fred said he thinks Aaron is a country artist now. Robin asked what he's talking about. Howard said he made a change. Robin said that must be what you have to do now. Howard said nice job Aaron. He said they don't tour as Staind anymore. He said that's the state of rock and roll now.
Howard said he has to play this Pat Robertson clip. He said Pat is a religious fuck nut who has a network of hillbilly views on things. He said he's still harping on the gays. Howard asked if JD found this. JD said he did. Howard said you have to monitor these guys. He said he gets upset about death and how we're not going to be around forever. Howard said at least when this guy dies some of his thoughts will die off with him. He said this is Pat screaming about the gays. He said some of these guys who do this actually are gay.
Howard played the clip and Pat was going on and on about the weird way of doing sex and how they'll destroy anything to get their way. Howard said this guy is an evil guy. He said heterosexual sex is weird too. He said he doesn't seem to get that.
Howard did his Pat Robertson voice and talked about crazy shit like Pat does. Howard said they aren't going to do anything. He said they just don't want to get beat up when they walk outside a bar. Howard said you can still marry a woman and there will be even more women out there for you if there are more gay men.
Howard said he thinks his main complaint is that if they allowed the homosexuals to do what they want then no one will want to be straight. Robin said they think they'll stop having babies and life will end. Howard did his Pat voice talking about how he misses the day of stoning people.
Howard said it sounds like Pat is taking a shit all the time with that voice of his. He did that voice and Fred played fart sounds. Howard said Pat doesn't know how to go on with his church with so many gay people out there. Howard played more of Pat's stuff and did more of his impression of him. He had him talking about the Oscars and things like that.
Howard had Pat talking about how he won't accept gays. He said he gave up using the N-word but he will not give up on this. Howard said before you know it they'll take over the hair dressing industry.
Howard said he finds it offensive that they take money for that ministry. Howard played more of the clip of Pat talking about how gays are taking away families and all of this stuff. Robin said he's forcing gays to deal with heterosexual sex.
Howard played more of Pat talking about the gays. He did his impression of Pat talking about how many people are watching Ellen now. He said gays have invaded Broadway. He had Pat talking about how he won't go to Broadway. He had Pat talking about how disgraceful it is.
Howard had Pat talking about how locker rooms used to be safe but not anymore. He said he saw a man staring at his penis. He was doing his impression of Pat talking about the TV shows and things that he can't stand but he watches every week to ''monitor'' them. Fake Pat said that he had to throw out all of his Ricky Martin albums when he found out he was gay. He said he was having sex to those albums. He had to smash them all. Fake Pat was talking about a show called The Bachelor and when people say they watch it that is code for gay. He said that people who watch that show are gay.
Fake Pat was talking about other things that the gays have ruined for him. They were talking about drag queen shows and things like that.
Fake Pat was talking about how he liked to dance to that song YMCA but he wasn't sure about those guys who sang it.
Howard played more of the Pat Robertson clip where he was talking about the way people ''do sex.'' Howard said this is fascinating. He said then you read about some hillbilly that shoots up their family over them being possessed. Howard said they listen to these assholes and think their family is possessed. Howard did his Fake Pat voice talking about how Doogie Howser was straight but then the guy who played him was on Broadway almost nude.
Fake Pat talked about George Takei wrestling with his husband every Sunday. He was talking about Doogie Howser being married to a man and how Doogie loves Doody. Fake Pat said there must be a cure for this. He said they found a cure for Polio.
Fake Pat said he likes Ronnie the Limo Driver. He said if everyone was like him it would be a much better world. He said that they were talking about Pansexual people on the news and now they're just making shit up. Fake Pat said the cure for all of this is to send him money. Robin said he seems to be losing this whole thing. Fake Pat said they are not losing.
Fake Pat was talking about Chaz Bono wondering what that is. He was hoping that President Trump would deport that person.
Howard said he read that Pat is worth over $100 million. He said that's all from his gibberish. Howard played more of Pat rambling on and on about homosexuals and their weird way of doing sex. Howard laughed at that line. He said it's just wild.
Howard asked who this guy Rick Wiles is. JD said he's another pastor who is starting his own thing with true moves. Howard said this guy was on talking about how Tom Brady is sleeping with a witch. Howard said put him in the NFL and let him win game after game. He said he'd be with a witch. Howard said Robin was a witch. Robin said Howard snapped her right out of that.
Howard played a clip of this guy Rick Wiles talking about Tom Brady and his witch wife. Howard said this guy thinks witchcraft is weird but not his religion that has all kinds of wacky stuff going on in it. Howard played more of the clip and the guy said that Tom is sleeping with a witch and there are ramifications for that. He said his soul is defiled because he's having intimate relations with a witch. Howard said this asshole doesn't know there is no such thing as a witch. Robin asked how he knows she's a witch. Howard said he doesn't know. He said Giselle must do stuff for her husband.
Howard said these disturbed people think she's really a witch and they're going to go attack her. Howard went into his Fake Pat voice again and talked about someone being married to a leprechaun. Howard played more of the Rick Wiles clip where he was accusing this woman of being a witch and practicing witchcraft. He asked if you would crawl into bed if she's a murderer. He said that you better run just as fast if your wife is a witch.
Howard said these guys make up shit and make $100 million. He said there's another guy named Charlie Shamp who makes shit up too. JD said this guy was a guest on the Jim Bakker show. Howard said you have to hear this guy. He said he thinks that if Pete Rose is put in the hall of fame then that means that Jesus is coming back. Howard played the clip and this nut Charlie was talking about how Pete will be forgiven and that will be a sign. He said that's a sign that the lord is returning. Jim Bakker said that he was sent a baseball from Pete Rose and he asked him to pray for him.
Howard said there are women and children starving all over the world and they're saying that the lord is concentrating on Pete Rose. Howard said they can't even get their bullshit straight. He said that's a great line of business. He said it's always some vague visit. He said everyone knows who Pete Rose is but they're making it sound like he's not famous.
Howard did his Fake Pat voice again and had him talking about how the lord took Amazon away from ''Jew York'' thanks to them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought the Gary Clark Jr. interview was good and he should get into the live music more on his show since he doesn't go out that much. Howard said he's so glad that he had him on the show. He said that song he did called ''This Land'' was so good. He said that he was listening back to the show and he didn't know how good it sounded on the radio. He said he wasn't able to hear it in the studio because it was so loud. Howard said he really likes that guy. He said he listened back to that show and it was a really good song. Fred said he's an amazing performer. He said he's been a fan for years. Fred said he went with Steve Brandano to see him. He said that they went to some club that wasn't as cool as Largo.
Howard said Gary was great. He said he wants to play some of that song. He let the caller go after that. Howard tried to find the song but he had to ask the guys to load it in. They said it would be ready in 40 seconds. Howard said you can hear people doing construction in the building. He said he thought they couldn't work so early in New York City. Robin said maybe outside.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Gary did sound great. He said it was interesting that he said he found out about Eddie Van Halen through Michael Jackson. Howard said Ralph sang along to this song yesterday. Ralph said he was home alone though. Howard said the drummer and keyboard player were backing him up but the keyboard player doesn't back up the N-word part.
Howard played some of Gary Clark Jr.'s song ''This Land'' that he performed yesterday. Howard let some of that play and said that he really downplayed that neighbor thing. He said that guy helped create a great song. He played more of the song and said he just caught Fred singing the lyrics. Howard said he has a great voice too. He said that's Gary Clark Jr.
Howard said this thing with Brent's wife is causing havoc there. He said a lot of guys don't want to fuck up things with their wives so they're afraid to touch her tits. Howard said they have some takers though. He said Ronnie is a hard yes. He said he doesn't care. He won't even ask for permission.
Howard said JD is going to do it. JD said if he wants it to happen, sure. Howard said don't you love him. Robin said it was a simple yes question. She awkward what that wind up was. JD said he will do it. Howard said Ronnie and JD will do it. He said Jason said he would too. Speech Impediment Man laughed. Howard said Will said he would feel her up. He said he's fresh back from his Barbados vacation. He has something called sea lice. He said he was in a meeting with him and he got itchy. Gary said Will still has to ask permission. Howard said just do it and suffer the consequences. Gary said Jason might have to ask too. Howard asked Jason if he has to. Jason said he doesn't have to but it's the right thing to do.
Howard said if she says no then she's a buzz kill. Jason said she'll just have to deal with it. He said he's right.
Howard said Shuli said he would do it but his wife would say no. Ronnie said he'll tell her about it. He said he's going to do it. He said that he's going to touch them. He said Stephanie would let him do it. He said she gave him permission to fuck Lisa G that time. Howard said Gary got in trouble once because he felt up Jenny McCarthy once. Gary said his wife still busts his balls over that. He said she asked what he was doing when he went home that night.
Howard asked if Mary came in and fondled Sal's dick would he be upset. Gary said he would be. Ronnie asked if he can bring his flashlight to test to see the bags. Howard said no. Ronnie said they used to shut the lights in the studio to see if they could see the bags. Howard said that was just stupid.
Brent came in and said that he's not in charge of her but he doesn't want that happening. Ronnie asked who asked him.
Howard said Richard is a hard no on this. He said that his wife is only okay with the gay stuff with Sal. Howard said Sal is also a no. Brent said that's killing Sal. Howard said he knows. Robin said she was laughing so hard about Sal and his ''friend'' who goes to the rub and tugs.
Howard asked Sal if this is killing him that he can't be part of the fun. Sal asked if he's on the air. He said he can't say. Sal said he has to cut her a break and just let her off the hook. He said he has to be a good husband. Gary said he looks like a guy who was in captivity for 30 years. Gary said they're wondering if her shirt will be off or on. Brent said she will be completely nude on top. Ronnie laughed. Brent said she will be topless. He said you can't come in a bra or shirt. He said that's weak.
Howard asked how he feels about Speech Impediment Man. Brent said she said that all Wack Packers are a hard no. He said that anyone who works for Sirius might be eligible. She said no to Cousin Brucie though. Howard asked about Pandora employees. Brent said he's not sure about that.
Howard said Jon Hein is a hard no too. He said Steve Nowicki is a no because he finds the whole thing weird and awkward. Howard asked what's going on with Steve. He said if he was single he would do it. Steve said he thought he was the only one who was going to do it. He said people were backing out yesterday. Ronnie said he didn't back out. Steve said he's up for it if he's not the only one doing it. Howard asked if Ronnie would kiss her too. Ronnie said if she's into it.
Howard asked when this is happening. Brent said he'll let him know when they can do it. Howard asked where Steve went. He ran out of there. Howard said he's a weird dude. Brent said he heard he's getting a lot of hot chicks. Steve came back in. Howard said he doesn't see him as a stud but the girls go for him. Robin said he looks like a good guy.
Howard said he thinks Joe Perry is a good looking guy. Robin said he has a nice look. Brent said he has a cool look. Howard said Steve goes to a bar and he gets numbers. He said girls at strip clubs give him numbers. Steve said the one girl didn't get back to him.
Gary said he heard that Steve was out at an event and the guys were saying that they were making out in front of everyone. He said it was at the table. Howard said that's disgusting.
Howard said Steve is settling down with this one. Steve said he's been seeing her about a month. He said he isn't seeing anyone else. Howard asked JD how she looks. JD said he only saw her briefly. He said she's very nice. Ronnie asked what's wrong with him. JD said he just said she's very beautiful. Howard asked if she's hot. JD said yes. He said she's not hotter than his wife. Howard asked where he met her. Steve said on Instagram.
Howard asked Steve where he met her and things like that. Steve said he met her in a bar and she turned out to be really hot. Steve said she has B-cups and a thick ass. Fred did his Ronnie voice asking if she has meat curtains. Steve said she does not.
Howard said that Chris Wilding saw them making out so he can comment on this. Howard said JD isn't fun to talk to about that stuff. He said he just blurts stuff out. Howard said he has to get the details from a gay man.
Chris came in and said that she's very tall and very classy. He said she's taller than Steve. Howard asked if Steve is intimidated by that. Steve said not at all. He said he knows it's socially unacceptable but he doesn't care. Ronnie said that she's wrapping those legs around you.
Chris said she looks like she could handle Steve. He said she's not Hollywood good looking but she's very pretty. He said that she's a nice looking gal. He said they were making out and it was like high schoolers making out. He said it was awkward but he dug her. He said that she was nice to talk to. He said Steve is doing well.
Steve said that he picked his head up and everyone was looking at him. He said they couldn't help themselves. Howard asked where they were. Chris said they were at a comedy show. Chris said someone there had to come over and tell them to calm down at the show.
Howard said Hulk wants to touch Brent's wife's tits. He took a call from Hulk who said that he wants to feel her up and his wife is not a listener. Hulk said he has to do what he has to do. He said he has to grab tits. Howard asked to speak to Bruce Banner. Hulk calmed down and turned back into Bruce. Howard spent a minute talking to him about getting hit with the gamma rays and all of that. He asked if he still goes from town to town looking for a cure. Howard said Bruce can't grab tits but Hulk can. He turned back into Hulk after hearing that. Hulk said he's going to grab everyone's tits.
Howard said there are a lot of guys who want to grab titties. He said that Chris is in. Ronnie, Steve, JD, Jason, Will and Shuli say they're in. Howard said Gary is out. Fred wasn't asked. Fred said he's not going to cross that line.
Chris said he has grabbed her tits before. He said he was out at dinner and they felt nice. Howard said they'll see if he can think of them as balls. Howard asked if he gets a boner what will happen. Chris said that would be a relief. He said that gay dating and gay life is not always easy. Howard said he would think it would be easier. Chris said if you're looking for someone you love it's hard to keep that going. He said long term relationships are a dime a dozen. He said that it's hard to keep it going.
Howard said he just went through a bad break up. Chris said he did. He said it was only 4 months but this guy did a number on him. Ronnie asked if this was the guy he met. Chris said it was. He said this guy was away for a week and he saw he was adding people on Instagram and then he went on Grindr and found out the guy was with them. He said there were a lot of red flags there. Howard said he has to figure out what he did. Chris said these guys were dirty bottoms who were very open about their stuff. He said they were walking cum holes. He said he just knew something was rotten in Denmark. Howard said Chris is kind of a twink himself. Chris said he'd rather be a Twunk. Howard wasn't sure what that was so Chris had to explain it to him.
Howard asked what he did to find out this stuff. Chris said he was on Grindr and he went to that location he was staying in and he found out that these guys showed up on Grindr. He said he posed as a hot Latino and he asked the guys if they had any good experiences and they mentioned this guy. He said he got text messages and pictures. Howard asked why this guy shared the information. Chris said that he was a stupid 19 year old. Howard asked if he cried when he found out. Chris said he did. He said he was saying he loved this guy. He said that he was told to relax and not worry. Chris said he had a lot of guys who wanted to hook up with him and he said no because of this guy.
Howard said he heard he went out and fucked a 21 year old guy. Chris said a few days after that he did get back on the horse. He said he got that guy's Instagram and he did have sex. He said he felt worse after that. He said the guy had a great ass but it wasn't what he had with the other guy. Howard said now he's ready to go straight by grabbing Brent's wife's tits. Chris said it's hard. Howard said it's hard on either side.
Howard asked if he broke up on the phone. Chris said he did. He said that the guy was denying it but then he sent him screen shots of his text messages to the other guy. He said they both ended up crying.
Howard said there are a lot more Thai boys in the sea. He asked if he came in that guy's face. Chris said he did. He said he was very angry. He said he did ask though.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he's with this Thai boy and now he can't get rid of him. Chris said he was asking where he was the next day. Ralph said Chris was all over these apps finding out this information. He said he's like Colombo.
Chris said he was preparing to bottom for this guy. He said that's how serious he was. He said that he was ready to let him put his dick in his ass. He said he had to know if he was the only guy if he was going to do that. He said he didn't want to get sick. Chris said that's part of being in a committed relationship.
Brent asked if he found out he didn't use a condom with the guy down there in Florida. Chris said he did find that out.
Ronnie asked if he was worried before he went to Florida. Chris said he was worried. Ronnie said the chicks are into Chris. Chris said he's sure he'd clean up with the women if he was straight. He said he was raised by two women. He said he gets how to treat and handle women.
Chris said he's cursed with this love of dick. Howard said he's not cursed. He said he knows guys who are happy being gay. He said he has to go after some older guys. He said that these guys are too young for him. He said he should go for a 40 year old. Chris said if he's attracted to them he would. Howard asked if he has ever been with a woman. Chris said Robin is his hall pass. Robin said she would ruin him for his gay life. Howard asked if he would date Andy Cohen. Chris said of course he would have before he had the kid. Ronnie said maybe he has friends. Howard said he can get him Andy in 10 seconds. Chris said he has seen Andy in the hall and he doesn't look twice at him.
Howard asked if he would bottom for him. Chris said if he's into him he would. He said Ralph has been really good through all of this. He said he talked him off the ledge a lot of times. Ralph said he knows about stuff like this.
Howard said the Thai boy is on the phone. He said this is Ling-Ling. He took the call and let fake Ling-Ling talk to Chris for a short time. The guy sounded very angry at Chris. He said he was going to fuck him long time and fuck him in the eye.
Ralph said that guy stayed the night and wouldn't leave. Chris said he had to go to work and he had to get him out of there.
Gary said that the guys are saying that the guy who broke up with Chris had a foot fetish. He asked what he did with that. Chris said the sex was really good. He said they had an amazing connection. He said that they had a lot of kissing and making out and stuff like that. He said he would tell him he had the best feet and he wanted to worship them. He said he would kiss and lick them. He said it felt amazing. He said he didn't care. He said that's fine to have that fetish. He said it was nice.
Howard said he's sorry he's so down on his relationships. He said heterosexuals have a hard time too. Brent said it seems like there are a lot of options in the gay community. He said that's the problem.
Chris said that his ex said that he fucked up with that twink. Howard said maybe he should slow down and not date so much. Ralph said that 3 days later he was fucking another guy. Chris said he was angry. Howard asked if you just go out and fuck another guy when you're angry. Chris asked ''Well, don't you?'' Howard said he does. Chris said you have to get back on the boards and get back out there. He said he felt like shit after.
Ralph told Chris to stay off all of these things like Instagram. Chris said he's never been good at meeting people. He said he's too shy. He said on the app if they match they have a mutual interest.
Chris said he's going to therapy next week. Howard said if he was gay he'd want to be with a gay therapist. Howard said that's what he should do. Chris said he doesn't trust men anymore. He said he finds them very deceptive. He said he's having trust issues. Howard said don't look at him. He said this guy is really fucking upset. He said he's not going to fuck with him. He said he would go to a gay therapist if he was him. Robin said you shouldn't see a difference.
Howard said a fellow gay man would know where he's coming from. Ronnie said how about a gay woman. Howard said that's fine. He said he could work through all of this if he fell for his therapist too. He said that's how you get through all of this stuff.
The guys were all trying to figure out how you know if the therapist is gay. Chris said he has no idea.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked why Sal and Richard aren't going to feel up Brent's wife. Howard said even Chris is going to do it. Howard asked if one listener can do it. Brent said he would be up for that. Howard said it can't be Bobo.
Gary said that Andy Cohen just tweeted that he has to get a good look at Chris. Gary said he'll be up there in 15 minutes. Howard told him to go do his hair. He said he has to get him in there to meet Chris. Howard said in 15 minutes he'll get him in there. He said this is his therapy. He said he's going with all of these young guys but Andy has a TV show and he's established. He said he may have to strap on a papoose. Chris said this is a lot of pressure. He said he doesn't want to be evaluated. Howard told him to calm down. He said he has to get ready for Andy to come in there.
Howard said he's going to bring him back in there and Andy will dig him. Chris said he doesn't have to. He said there is no pressure for Andy to like him. Howard said he's not that famous. Ralph told him to just chill out. Chris said he hopes he doesn't start crying. Howard said maybe he's moving him along too fast. Chris said it's fine.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Chris is kind of freaking him out. He said he's in Brazil right now. Ralph said he's cheating. The caller told him to shut up. Chris said you go to find out if he's following anyone new on Instagram. He told him how to figure all of this out.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said after the break he'll get to Andy. They tried to calm Chris down for this. Howard asked if he wants to go groom himself. Chris said he'll do that. They went to break a short time later.
Andy said he heard Bobo trashing him this morning. Howard said he heard he brought his son on a plane with him. Andy said he checked with like 3 pediatricians. He said he had a nurse with him too. Robin said Bobo is a safety expert. Howard said congratulations on his son Benjamin. He asked if he's adjusting to fatherhood. Andy said he has become so much less desirable with this. He said he's shocked that anyone would want to date him at this point. He said he is not hot. Howard said he thinks he's be great for Chris.
Howard said the baby went right to the photo shoot and ended up on People. He said he doesn't like celebrities who hide their kids. Andy said he was wondering why he was doing it. He said he was told it would be good to get it out there. He said it was a way for him to tell his story. Howard said his son is already a celebrity. He asked if he has an Instagram account. Andy said he does not.
Howard said he heard he took two weeks off for the baby. Andy said he did but Howard is making fun of him after taking like 8 weeks off.
Howard said he thinks that he sent him a I love Howard Stern onesie. Andy said he didn't get that. He said he did get another one with Howard, Robin, Gary and Fred's names on it.
Howard asked if he knows how to handle a baby. Andy said he's learning. He said you can kind of figure it out. He said he has a baby nurse and she's teaching him everything. He said they're working it out. He said he gets home at 12:30 and he's all hopped up so it weirdly works. Howard asked if he's changing diapers. Andy said he is. Howard asked multiple times to make sure.
Howard asked what he did about circumcision. Andy said he did it. He said he has a circumcised penis so he wanted his son to have that.
Andy said he's a power top so he's not sure about what Chris is. Howard said Chris is too but he did say he'd open his ass up to him.
Howard asked if Andy has been dating. Andy said he has kind of cut that off. He said he had a surrogate carry his child an he was involved with that. Howard said he heard that when she was giving birth they put her on top of him so he could feel like he was giving birth. Andy went along with that joke. Howard said he heard John Mayer is the godfather. Andy said he is not.
Howard asked if it was his sperm they used for this child. Andy said it was. Howard said it must have been tough to find a surrogate. Andy said it was. Howard asked if he will write a book about it. Andy said he started to do that. He said then he realized he was creating a human being and he could read it some day. He said he will tell Howard what he beat off to. He said he loves straight porn.
Howard said he likes that he has a line he won't cross with the book. He said he asked his mother about what position she was in when she was impregnated. He said she won't tell him. He said he's pretty sure he's a missionary baby.
Howard said some day Andy's son could come to him and ask what he was watching at the time he conceived him. Andy said he'll let him ask him that. He said he would have loved to have written that book. Howard asked who the godfather is. Andy said his friend is. Howard asked who did the circumcision. Andy said it was a female Mohel. He said he was in the hospital with the baby overnight. Robin said he's going overboard. Andy said he's really not. He said he's that kid's only parent. He said this is his child. Robin asked if he had an immediate connection. Andy said he thinks he did. He said he thinks they're falling in love with each other and getting to know each other.
Howard asked if the woman is going to be involved at all. Andy said she is not. He said that it's an anonymous thing. He said he worked this whole thing out.
Howard asked Andy about Chris. Andy said he did look up Chris and found out he's Canadian. He said they have nice penises. Howard said he knew that. Andy said this is not a great time because he just had a newborn. Howard said he's establishing an out already. Andy said he's not. Howard said Chris has been burned in two relationships. He said he just caught this guy cheating on him. Andy said he has to see this guy. He said he's 50 and Chris is only 30. He asked who wants a 30 year old. Howard said he thinks that he could hook up with him and this would be good for both of their shows. Andy wondered if they could end up on People magazine. Howard said of course.
Howard said Chris just did some pushups and fixed his hair. He said they know they're going to be evaluating him. Andy said he just said to himself that he has to start dating up. He said he was walking his dog and he had someone flirting with him. He said he was looking at the guy and he was thinking that he has a child now.
Howard said he has no pressure on him with this. Andy said he heard he doesn't pay attention to him in the hall. Howard had Chris come in. They were playing the Love Boat theme song.
Chris said he is uncircumcised. Andy said he figured that since he's Canadian. Howard asked if he has a big cock. Chris said he's 7. Howard said that's nice. He asked if it's girthy. Chris said it's average. Howard asked Andy if he's girthy. Andy said it's good. He said it's fat. Chris said he likes that.
Andy asked how long he dated this guy who cheated. Chris said it was 4 months. He said he was not faithful. He told the story he told Howard earlier in the morning.
Howard asked if Andy feeling anything toward Chris. Andy said he likes his voice and his sense of humor. He said the 7 inches is nice. Andy said Chris is very attractive. Howard asked if Chris would be a good parent. Chris said that he's in there talking about goop on his baby's balls and that's not for him. He said maybe now is a good time to get him because he's vulnerable. Chris said he is too.
Howard said Andy is ready for a serious relationship. He said Chris is too. Chris said that Andy is a power top and he's a never bottom'd before guy. He said he's like a virgin bride. Andy said that excites him. Howard said if you fall in love with the right guy you have to take a position. He said they could blow each other. Howard said that's what George and Brad do. Chris said he much prefers that.
Howard said Chris will take it in the ass for Andy. Howard asked if they want to make out. Andy said he can't do that. Chris said he's up for anything.
Howard asked if Chris would be into this. Chris said that he's into Andy and he likes what he does. Chris said that he knows in the gay community that when two tops meet then it may not work out. Andy said he agrees with him on that. He said he could end up being okay. Chris said he could start with a finger. Howard said Andy knows what to do. Andy said it's going to be okay. He said he has a chest full of things they could use.
Howard said you'll hardly see the baby at first. He said they can put the baby somewhere. He said he's imagining the two of them with the baby on the cover of People.
Howard asked Andy if the wants to go on a date. Chris said he feels bad for him. Andy said he doesn't have to. He said he'd be willing to go out on a date with him.
Andy asked if they heard Leno on his show. Howard said they did. Andy said he thought that he sounded like him when he answered there. He said Chris is super cool and he works for the Stern Show. He said he is responsible for some good stuff on the show. He said he's a virgin bride which makes him excited. Chris said Andy probably pulls in some amazing guys. Howard said he probably gets models. Chris said he's not looking for him. Andy said he gets everything. He said Chris has his dignity. Howard asked what his type is. Andy said it's all over the map. Andy said Chris isn't a twink but maybe he's a muscle twink. Chris said he's really not.
Andy said he's no prize himself. He said he's 50 and he's grey headed. He said he's overweight by 7 pounds. Chris said he has a lot going for him. He said he has a fat cock and what's not to love. Howard said he has to figure this out. He asked if Chris wants to go out with him. Chris said he will if Andy wants to for real. He said don't put anything on.
Andy said he has a proposal. He asked Chris if he's a muscle twink. He asked where he's from. Chris said he's from Montreal. Andy asked Chris about a lot of stuff and found out he does impressions on the show and he's worked there for like 2 or 3 years.
Howard asked what they could do to get out. Chris said having drinks would be good. Andy said they should go out for drinks. He said that's it. Chris said alright to that. Howard said see what happens. Chris said they're not getting married.
Andy said if this worked out it would be the single greatest story. Howard said this would be the story. He said that he leaves terrestrial radio for satellite and it leads to this. Andy said he thought this was about him, not about Howard. Howard said it's all about Andy and Chris getting married if it happens. Chris said what a waste of a career.
Howard said don't cheat on Chris. Andy said they have an open relationship right now. Andy said he has two potential people that he could hook him up with. He said one writes for the show and one is his sidekick. He said that they're more in his age group. Chris asked if he wants an Ex. Andy said he does. Andy said he's giving this a shot and this is just in case it doesn't work out. Chris said he's fine with some Andy Cohen shrapnel.
Gary said everyone is wondering if they can cover the date. Howard said he doesn't want them to. Andy said no way to that. Howard said he doesn't want that happening anyway. Andy said he wasn't going to go on this date because of that but he's saying no to the covering the date.
Howard said they have to go out and have a little fun. He said it's enough of the dad thing. Go out and have some fun. Robin asked if he has had sex since the kid. Andy said not yet. He said that he is jerking off. Howard said he likes the jerking off too. Andy said things are good with that.
Both Andy and Chris said they're into straight porn. Chris said he has to beat off every night before bed. Andy asked where he lives in the city. Chris said he lives in Jersey City but he's in the city every day.
Howard asked if Chris swallows. Chris said every time. Howard said he knows Andy wanted to ask that.
Howard gave Andy some plugs for his shows and said his radio show started 20 minutes ago. Andy said that he told his co-host to cover for him. Chris said he likes that he did that for him. Andy said he has a whole channel there just so he knows. Howard asked Andy to carry Chris out of there in his arms.
Howard said he doesn't even need to know about the date. Andy said sure he doesn't. Andy said that he has to tell Chris that the gay world is a tough place. He said he's sorry this guy stomped on his heart. He said he's glad he found out now and not further into it. He said he has revealed to them that he's a good guy and he will find it. Chris told him he is so fucking hot. He said that was sexy. Howard said he just fell in love with Andy too. He said he thought Chris was going to cry. Chris said he was welling up. He thanked Andy for that. He said it's really tough sometimes.
Andy asked about how long ago that happed. Chris said that it was like 2 weeks ago. He said that he had to block him on everything. Andy said that's good. He said he should give himself the time. He said this guy was an asshole. He said it's good he found out now and not 4 years in. Chris thanked him for that. Howard said tears make great lube. Chris said he's such a mess. Howard said Andy will have that guy kicked out of the gay world. Chris said he's not a bad guy, he just did a shitty thing.
Howard thanked Andy for doing this for Chris. Howard said it seemed like a connection there. Andy said he is his gay brother no matter what. He said he needs to know that. He just needs some perspective on that. Howard told Fred to kiss him over there. He said he has no brothers straight or gay.
Howard said he doesn't want it to be awkward. He said decide on the date on their own. He congratulated Andy on his baby. Andy said he will be in touch with Chris. Robin said she thought they had lost him to fatherhood. Andy said he tries to avoid Howard in the hallway. He said he's heard him talking shit about him with Ronnie. Howard said he just wants to be out of there. He said he's top gay and he knows that. Howard let Andy go and
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Howard said they'll see what happens. Robin said this is a charged environment to feel something in. She said they'll see what happens. Robin said she still has hope. Howard said alright. Fred played her theme music. Howard said the morning didn't go the way he expected. Robin said they'll take it.
Howard said it's time for news. They played her into it with a Ham Hands Bill song parody. Howard said Robin's singing with him the other day got a lot of reaction. He said they must duet again. Robin asked what people were saying. Howard read some of the email they got about it. He said he's going to learn ''Shallow'' so they can do it again. Robin said she will too. Howard said people will go wild. Fred said they got a mention in Rolling Stone. Howard asked what they said. Fred read that they can't come close to what Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper did. Gary said they go into detail in that article and if you don't listen to the show you'd think Robin was a diva who has gone into retirement.
Howard tried to do the song again when Fred played the music. He didn't have the lyrics though. Robin said maybe they can work this out and she will record again. Howard said they'll try again on Monday.
Robin started her news with a story about the movie Captain Marvel. Howard asked if that's Shazam. Robin said she needs someone to explain this to her. Howard said he's a comic book expert of sorts. Robin said the lead is Brie Larson. Howard asked how that can be. Robin said she's not sure. Jason said there was a Captain Marvel in DC comics. Howard said he has that with Shazam. Jason said Marvel was something else and they changed their name to Marvel. Robin asked what this movie is. Jason said that's Marvel's Captain Marvel. He said that it was originally a man but now it's a woman. He said the powers moved to her. Howard said he doesn't like it. Robin said it might be a good movie. Howard said he doesn't like transferring powers. He said you don't lose a ring and your powers are gone.
Howard said he didn't like it when here were two Howard Sterns with Howard K Stern. Jason said there are like 300 Green Lanterns now. Howard said he knows that.
Robin read a story about how The Voice and American Idol are going to go head to head. Robin said she thought ABC was going to keep Idol away from it. Robin said she thinks it's going to start up soon. Robin said The Voice had 11 million viewers with their season opener. She said that show just works. She said Idol seems kind of cheesy now. Howard said that's her opinion. Robin said she's wondering how Ryan Seacrest is doing all of these shows. Howard said work is his mistress. Robin said it's physically hard to be in all of those locations. Howard said it is. He said he couldn't do it.
Robin said she also noticed something in daytime TV with Michael Strahan. She said she watched the show to see what was going on there. Robin Michael and Sarah were trading lives on the show and Michael went to her house and she was allowed in his garage. Robin said he has like 30 amazing cars and a basketball court in the garage. Robin said that he's not even letting her in his house. Robin said he doesn't even need to work but he's taking every job that he doesn't need. He said he's taking jobs that Ryan Seacrest would have. Robin said he must be bored. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
After the break, around 10:50am, Howard came right back and said he got word that American Idol got word of what Robin was saying and they put in spinning chairs for the judges. Robin said that might help. Howard said their claim to fame is that they had more famous people come out of their show. Howard said they have Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood. Robin said she was just saying the whole idea of The Voice is a better idea for a TV show. She said the guys from American Idol are trying to prove to you that they love each other as much as Adam and that other guy. Howard said they have more famous people on Idol though.
Robin read a story about Kathie Lee leaving her show. Robin said Jenna Bush Hager is going to try to replace her. Robin said she'll be taking over for her when Kathie Lee leaves in April. Robin said that is George Bush's daughter. Robin had some audio of her making the announcement on the show yesterday. Howard said he didn't think anyone could replace Kathie Lee.
Robin read a story about Selma Blair announcing that she is suffering from Multiple Sclerosis. Howard said oh no. He asked how old she is. Robin said she thinks she's in her late 30s or early 40s. Robin said she had these symptoms after the birth of her son 6 years ago. Robin said they kept telling her that they didn't know what was causing her problems. Robin said she didn't get the proper treatment until she got the right diagnosis. Robin had some audio of her talking to someone on Good Morning America and how she could get 90 percent of her abilities back in a year. She said they'll see each other in a year and see what happens. Howard said ''Oh god... life is a fucking bitch.'' He said that depresses him. Robin said she reached out to Michael J. Fox to talk to him about that. Howard said he tells it the way it is. Robin said they have been communicating. Robin said that Selma said she now has Michael J. Fox's email address. Howard said that's too bad. He said it's not like life is hard enough now she has that on her plate.
Robin said she loves to see people telling the Robert Kraft story. She said they have to clean up a story that is essentially dirty. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. She had news reports about the case and they leave out all of the sex act details. Robin had a statement from the NFL too and they're saying that they will handle this like any other person in the NFL. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Dinosaur barbecue restaurant getting into some hot water after they renamed their jerked and pulled pork sandwich ''the Robert Kraft.'' Howard said that's not right. Robin said they pulled that down after they got some reaction to it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that story about Selma Blair isn't the end of the world. He said he got diagnosed 11 years ago. He said he got into TM and that helped. He said stress is the body's biggest enemy. He said she should be just fine if she changes her diet and things like that. Robin said she was going to tell her to reach out to Montel Williams who spends all of his time helping people who have MS. Howard said he's afraid he's going to end up with something like that after working so hard. The caller said look up Terri Wahls who had the same thing happen to her and has changed her life with her diet and things like that.
Robin read a story about the Jackson brothers being on TV this morning talking about a documentary about their family that's hitting HBO soon. Robin had some clips from the interview. They were saying that the documentary is wrong and they haven't even seen it. They said they don't need to see it to know it's wrong.
Robin said the Neverland Ranch is for sale and it's been reduced from $100 million to about $30 million. Robin said it's near Santa Barbara and they say it's been reduced because of wildfires and mud slides in the area. Howard said Ronnie should open his animal hospital there.
Robin read a story about Janet Jackson having her first residency in Las Vegas. Robin had some audio to play. Howard said he doesn't think he'd go see her.
Robin read a story about the United Methodist Church rejecting local churches to allow same sex weddings and to allow openly LGBT clergy. Robin said they announced they had a decease in attendants when they did allow it.
Robin read a story about how more than 4500 migrant children have reported sexual abuse in government custody over the past 4 years. Robin had some audio of some people commenting on that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly getting out of jail on $100,000 bond. Robin said a fan paid it. Howard said he knows his fans wouldn't pay for that. Robin said this fan put up the bond after meeting him on a cruise last year. Robin said she was impressed by him and she posted the bond herself.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein trying to find a female attorney and he hasn't been able to hire a woman to work for him.
Robin read a story about Michael Cohen being in a senate meeting yesterday. Robin said today he will be with another committee and that will be an open meeting. Robin had some audio of Cohen talking about how he's going to be able to tell his side of the story and let the American people decide.
Howard said he has Harvey Weinstein on the phone to talk about his trial. Howard picked up on fake Harvey who said it's all going to work out. He said he has the perfect defense. He said those 80 women raped him. He also asked Robin to take her top off. He said he'll get her a six picture deal with his dick. He asked Fred to vouch for him by saying he stayed at his house from 1989 to 2017. Fred said done. He said he never left.
Howard said it sounds like he has his defense planned out. Harvey said he has a new defense. He said every woman wanted to fuck him. Howard said he'd entitled to that defense but no woman will represent him. Howard let fake Harvey go after the guys playing the clips seemed to run out of material. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the president being in Vietnam talking about how Kim Jong Un is a great leader. Howard said he's great if you like a guy who kills people. He said he can't say that. Robin said that's what he was saying. Howard said he's the opposite of a great leader. Howard said George Washington was a great leader. He said he told his people not to make him a king. Robin said Trump and Kim are trying to hammer out some agreements. Howard said he's not a great leader.
Robin read a story about Garth Brooks releasing a vinyl collection. Howard said Gary sent him home a vinyl record. Gary said it wasn't him. Howard said someone did. Gary said it may have been Steve Brandano. Howard said he doesn't have a record player. He said Gary must have nothing to do with those. Howard asked why Steve would do that. Gary said the band is doing something with them. Howard said he doesn't have a record player. Howard said do not put out vinyl. He said it's over. He said it's a bunch of douche bags running around with that. He said we have streaming and electronic ways to listen. Gary said he just likes his audio setup. He said he likes opening up the sleeve and looking at the lyrics and things like that. Howard said they're a bunch of nerds. Gary and Howard argued about the vinyl thing for a couple of minutes.
Howard said Gary did an interview and he mentioned other music services before Sirius. Gary said he told them to put it first and they didn't do it. Howard said he can't believe someone sent a record home with him. He said he should break it over Steve's head.
Robin had some audio of Garth Brooks' new vinyl stuff. Robin said a bunch of his albums are going to be released on vinyl. Howard said Gary still likes faxing. He played a song parody about Gary's love of vinyl.
Robin read a story about how California may ban the dissection of animals in schools. Howard asked why Steve isn't there. Gary said they have a whole team upstairs. Howard said they should get him a microphone up there. He said that it seems like a lot of work to set up a record player.
Steve came in and said that he thought he shared the vinyl with his daughters. Howard said he does occasionally. He said he's going to throw this thing out. Howard said he's not going to listen to vinyl like Gary. Steve said that he was told to send it to his assistant. He said he will never do that again. Howard said he doesn't want vinyl. He told Steve to go to Largo. He was all out of breath from running down from upstairs. Fred did his Steve impression for a short time. Howard said wow. He asked who has ever heard of that.
Robin read more about the dissection of animals in school. Robin said she used to do that in school and it was horrible. Robin said they have 3D technology they can use instead. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Today's show was over around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.