Howard started the show talking about how he's one of those people who don't know who Roger Stone is. Robin said she caught up with it by listening to a bunch of newscasts. She said he was in the campaign for just a moment before getting fired. She said he was offering him advice and council. Howard said he thinks the guy just looks weird. Robin said on Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live they said he looked like a guy who would hire black men to have sex with his wife. Robin said it turns out he was accused of doing that. Robin said she's not sure what it all means.
Howard said he was fascinated with the story about the guy who worked in a nursing home and banged a woman who was in a coma and she gave birth. Robin said now they're saying she's not in a coma. Howard said he was expecting the guy to look like George Clooney. He said he has one eye closed. He said he looked the opposite of Clooney. He said he has one eye shut and he looks like he's out of it. Robin said she wondered if he was beat up.
Howard said if you bang someone in a coma in a nursing home you won't get away with it. He said they must have people who walk by. Robin said he was given responsibility for her primary care. She said he would have been the one watching. Howard said there has to be someone who was kind of hip to it. Robin said she doesn't think so. She said he was kind of an Eddie Haskell kind of character. She said he's married with kids too. Robin said he was so great with the families that everyone loved him. She said when they heard this woman had a baby and they were investigating they said this was the last guy they would have suspected.
Howard said he has Alex Jones on the phone to defend Roger Stone. Howard took the call from fake Alex who had a lot to say about Roger Stone. He was blaming the deep state and all of that for this takedown.
Howard asked where Alex is getting the word out now that he's been taken off all of his shows. Alex was trying to sell stuff on Howard's show since he can't sell them on his own. Alex was also giving birthday shout outs for his listeners which turned out to be fake names like Sal and Richard get mentioned on radio shows.
Howard said he should do a weekend update on what happened with the guys. He said tomorrow is the Newly-Wet game between Ronnie and Brent. He said Ronnie's girlfriend was tweeting that they're going to win. He said Brent thinks he and his wife will win. He said Memet and his girlfriend got into a fight over what Memet was saying on the air. He said that he has a rundown on all of this.
Howard said JD's wife is out on doing the show. He said she heard the playback of the show and she decided she doesn't want to put JD through it. Howard asked if he has that accurate. JD said yes. He said that she won't be doing it unless for some reason it makes them feel better. Robin said that's so sad. Howard said the wife is blaming JD in a way. Robin said she's giving in to JD's will. Howard said for whatever reason JD is uncomfortable bringing his wife into the show biz world. He said she's already in it though. He said he thinks JD doesn't want to make that leap. He said he wants his marriage to be somewhat private. Howard said she really wants to come on the show but she wants to be respectful to JD and his feelings. He asked if he has that right. JD said he's correct in, uh... He forgot what Howard said.
JD said he wants privacy and some fucking privacy in his fucking life. JD said he has a history of going out with people and things happen after that were discussed on air and that did not go well. Howard said JD feels he's used too. JD said that's not it. He said he wants everything to be okay.
Howard said he has some email where people think he came off poorly. Howard read some of that email and people said they feel like JD is being like the Taliban by not letting her on the air. Robin said he's all fragile and he wants to go live his life. Howard said a lot of people agree with Robin in the email. He said they think JD is being too controlling. He said one guy made a point that he announces he's getting married on Twitter and betrays the show but then he won't have her on the show.
JD said he's not keeping her off the show. He said she can do what she wants. Howard said she asked JD to tag her on one of his posts so she can get more followers. He said she wants that attention. He said she's public everywhere but on this show. He said he doesn't get this. JD said her job is sensitive on this show. He said he needs her to be working. Howard asked why she's doing social media then. Howard said JD's wife is upset with Chris Wilding for saying that JD married a fan.
Howard said that she has picked up 10,000 followers on Instagram since she was mentioned on the show. Howard said the fans are going crazy with this. He read more email about JD not letting his wife on the show. Robin asked what he is afraid of. JD said he wants some sort of safe privacy going on in his life. Robin asked if she doesn't know the line. JD said she does. He said that her job is another whole thing. Robin asked why he's taking care of this and she's not.
Howard read a bunch of email about JD and his wife. A lot of it was against JD keeping his wife off the show but there were some people who said that's okay.
Howard asked if he's afraid he's going to lose her. JD said that's not it. Howard said someone wrote that in the email. Howard read that email and the guy said they should let JD live his life and leave him alone over this.
Howard read an email from a guy who said that they can't believe how hot JD's wife is and why she's with JD. Howard said he gets that a lot from guys. JD said he hasn't noticed that. He said he has noticed guys looking at her though. He said that's fine.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he's with Ronnie and Stephanie all the way. He said they might have a 33 year gap in their age but he's with them. Howard said Ronnie has no problem with Stephanie coming in there. He said that Stephanie is saying they're going to kick Brent and his wife's ass. Bobo said he thinks that Brent is too cocky with himself. Howard thanked Bobo for the call. He said no one has a way with words like Bobo.
Howard said that Memet won't be playing. He said he has to get to that. Howard said his girlfriend Mary won't be on the show tomorrow but she is willing to come in. He said that Memet and Mary had a fight. He said last time they had a fight she was upset with him liking women's photos on Instagram. Howard said now she's freaked out over what Memet told her last week. He said that Memet told her not to tweet the show about info about him. She said this was about herself so it was okay in her mind. Howard said Memet was yelling about her and she was upset with him over that. Howard said he yelled at her to shut up. Howard asked what that was over. Gary said that he told her to shut up about what she was tweeting over about herself. Howard said Memet was telling her what her favorite color is.
Howard said read some email about Memet and how they should keep him off the show. He had email from people who were saying they want to punch him. Howard said people think he's an attention whore. Howard read some mail about Memet being a controlling asshole and the girlfriend should run away. People said he shouldn't be on the Newly-Wet game.
Howard said they went on the street and asked people what they think of Memet yelling at Mary to shut up. He played some clips of women responding to the way Memet was yelling at Mary. The women were saying that they would leave him.
Howard said that was a big fight. He asked where Memet is. Howard said JD doesn't want his wife on the air and Memet got into a fight with his girlfriend. Howard said a lot of people were upset with him over that. Memet said he should apologize over that. He said they're great though. Howard asked if they have agreed on a new favorite color. Memet said when they had the talk she did agree with him about what her favorite color is. Memet said he explained to her why he thought that it was her color she agreed and said he was right. Howard asked how long the fight lasted. Memet said just a day. He said he's working on the yelling thing. Robin asked if that's what he does. Memet said every couple goes through that.
Memet said he yelled at her about her song and the movie. Gary asked what the significance is with the color of pink. Memet said he doesn't want to get into that. He said that Mary didn't have any need to apologize. He said he was the one who was wrong. Howard asked if she agreed with which movie is her favorite. Memet said she did. He said it was more the favorite song. Howard asked what her's is. He said she thought it was the 17th movement of a Beethoven thing. He said that he said that it was a George Michael song. He said he never hears her listening to Beethoven. Howard said she retracted her answer then. He said she's going with that George Michael song.
Memet said they can take on the winner of the Newly-Wet game. Howard said they're going to do that. Howard said he also heard he's upset with the pictures of him that they put out. He thinks they're putting out bad pictures of him on purpose. Howard asked Jason if that's what they're doing. He said they don't look bad to him. Memet said they try to find the bad pictures of him. He said they find a screen shot of him and give him weird angles.
Jason came in and said that he looks fine. He said he has normal pictures up. He said Memet wants picture approval when he takes pictures of him but the web site guys don't have time to look up a good shot. Memet said they pick the worst shots of him looking like a crazed maniac. Howard said there is no conspiracy against him. Robin asked why they would try to make him look bad. Memet said he doesn't know but they do that to him.
Howard said some people were talking about Brent describing his wife as being built like a brick shithouse. Howard said people found that odd. Howard had Brent come in to talk about that. Brent said that he doesn't think that's negative. He said that's like saying she's thicker than a $20 cheeseburger. Memet said he likes a woman who is thick and built. He said she's an athletic volleyball player. Brent said he didn't say she looks like a brick shithouse. He said she's built like one.
Howard asked if it's true that his wife doesn't like Memet. Brent said she doesn't dislike him. He said that she just wants to get a word in without being interrupted by him. Howard asked if they'll be seeing his wife's tits tomorrow. Brent said they will see them in a sweater. He said that they're looking great.
Howard said he was talking to someone around there and they said they can see Brent and his wife getting ready for the game and Ronnie and Stephanie not even talking about it. Howard said you don't know how it's going to go. Brent said you don't know what's between them unless you're there.
Howard asked how much she can bench. She said she doesn't know. she mentioned she has PTSD from childhood sexual abuse so Howard said that's not funny. Howard asked if someone touched her balls as a young child. She laughed and said he's right about that. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Memet looks fine in those pictures on the web site. Howard said they know.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who brought up Beth being on Ellen last week. She mentioned that she was talking about how in love she is with Howard. Howard said that whole story was so blown out of proportion. He said Beth was on Ellen's show and she was so nervous about what happened on the show. He said she called him saying he won't believe what happened.
Howard said Beth had to get a blood test so she made it out in L.A. He said she's fine if you're wondering. He said she hadn't eaten all day because you can't eat before a blood test. Howard said she went to Ellen and Jimmy Kimmel was a guest too so he was there. He said she was back stage and she was so hungry so she looked in the refrigerator and they had noting but Red Bull. Howard said she's never had it before. Howard said she doesn't have sugar. Howard said it's loaded with sugar and caffeine from what he's heard. He said she went out on Ellen and she was shot out of a cannon. He said she took the red eye home and she was still shot out of a cannon. He said that she was talking about how she told all of her stories in the first segment and she ran out of stories. He said she was whacked out of her skull on Red Bull.
Howard said she might be addicted to that stuff after trying it just once. He said she wanted to have sex on Red Bull so they did that. He said she was really jacked up.
Howard said it was really sweet that his mom called him. He said that she's kind of down these days. He said she'll call sounding like she's on the verge of tears. He said that every day in her life is 9/11. He said that she talks about how terrible things are all the time. He said she ended up seeing Beth on Ellen. He said she loves Ellen and Rachel Ray so she saw Beth on both of those shows.
Howard did an impression of his mother talking about seeing Beth on those shows and what a great host Rachel Ray is. He had her comparing her to the Galloping Gourmet who hasn't been on TV in like 30 years. Howard had both of his parents talking to Robin about that stuff.
Howard said according to Wikipedia the Galloping Gourmet is still alive and 85 years old. Howard said Beth loves to hear that she did well so he had his mother talk to her. He said Beth loves to hear back about that. Howard said you worry if you did well. He said his mother calling meant a lot to her. Howard did his impression of his mother telling Beth how wonderful she was on those shows. Howard said his mother has a friend named Lilith who saw her and she respects what she thinks about things. Howard had his father talking about the show and saying the appearance was good. He had Ben talking about how she didn't have animals with her and that's a good thing because it distracts her from talking. Howard said that his father doesn't like the distraction. He said that he hung up and said he had no idea his dad didn't like that. He said he had something positive to say and it was that she didn't have animals on her lap. Howard said his dad was saying that the interview is no good if you're distracted.
Howard said his mom liked it so that made Beth feel really good. He said his mother told them to tell her if she's going to be on a show. Howard said he did tell his mother that Beth was out in L.A. He did an impression of what that conversation sounded like. He said he told her and she wondered what was wrong. Howard said he told her that she went to tape Ellen. He said that his mom thought they had missed it. Howard said she asked when it's on and he said it was going to be on Friday. He said on Thursday he got a call saying she wasn't on. He said he told her it was Friday.
Howard said he tells Beth not to tell his mother when she's going to be on. He said he tells her that she's going to be on Rachel Ray but not until next week. He said she doesn't get it and that blows her mind.
Robin said her parents need to live with someone young. Howard said that person wouldn't be able to take it. Robin said they need to be around someone young. Howard said they don't leave their house. He said they used to go out for dinner but not anymore.
Howard did his parent's voices talking about going out to lunch. They talked about going to Dunkin' Donuts to get a meal.
Howard said it was nice because his wife felt so good about what his mother said. He said she loves it. Howard said he loves his wife and wants her to feel good. He said he gets nervous for her going on these shows. He said he wrote Ellen a note thanking her for being so nice to his wife. Robin said she loves animals. Howard said now you're up to date. He said that's his weekend update. He said he's sure there's more and it'll come out. He went to break after that.
Howard said a weather woman from Philadelphia said ''Windy shitty'' instead of windy city. Howard said this a female news anchor saying ''shittings'' instead of ''shootings.'' Robin said she wonders what's in their minds then they say that stuff.
Howard said this one is from HLN and this woman tried to say ''around the clock care'' and said ''Around the cock clare.''
Howard said this news anchor said ''cunt'' instead of ''hunt.'' Howard played that one and Robin wondered what that woman was thinking. Howard said she was thinking about cunt. Howard said maybe Ronnie was the news director.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had seen Trump's press conference where he said he wanted a wall ''from sea to shiny sea.'' Howard said he did. He said he lost his teleprompter apparently. Howard said he doesn't want to get into the wall thing. He said everyone thinks they're an expert on the wall. The caller said that they waited 30 days for a wall and they didn't even get it. Howard said there was no reason for the shutdown. He said it was stupid. Robin said this is only going to last 3 weeks. Howard said you can't make people suffer over a wish list. He said that has to be worked out between the three branches. Howard said everyone has to do their job. Robin said they have to stop holding people hostage. Robin said that one guy said just take out a loan or go on a long vacation when you don't have a paycheck. They went to break after that.
Howard said he's kind of nervous about something. He said he would like to have a hit song and he asked Fred to write him something. He said Fred went and wrote him a hit song. He said that he listened to it and it's good. He said Fred sings it and it sounds good. Howard said Fred has a good sound. He said he should have dropped it right there but he asked him to write it like a B-52s song. Then he asked Gary to get in touch with a young, hip producer to make it a hit song. He said when Fred played him the song he asked him to send him the track to rehearse. He said that he can't for the life of him get it down. He said what Fred wrote isn't so simple. He said he should have stopped right there. He said he told Gary to get this guy to help out to make the song a hit. He said they tried this with Pharrell once and that guy gave up on him. He said that he can't sing. He said he can sing a little bit but not very well. Robin said there are people who don't sing any better than him. Howard said there are. He mentioned the guy from Crash Test Dummies.
Howard said he asked Gary to find someone and he found Mark Ronson. He said he's a top guy in the business. He said he's up for an award for that song that Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper did. He said Mark Ronson is working on this song and he got the band Haim to do the background. He said tomorrow he's going into the studio with him. He said he just can't get the hang of the song. He said he's not sure what to do. Fred said he thinks Howard will get it. He said Mark won't let him fail.
Howard said Rob Zombie worked with him and he's a genius. He said that Rob was like ''Oh my god.'' He said Pharrell worked with him and gave up. Fred said he thinks Mark will adapt to Howard's style. Howard said Fred's song has a weird cadence. He said he just can't get it. Fred said he can't get it on the beat when he's doing it like the B-52s. Howard said he has a 2 hour window to do this tomorrow. He said that's it. Howard said he wants to produce it like Tan Mom. Fred said he thinks he's in good hands. Howard asked if Fred will be there. Fred said sure if he wants him there. Howard said he thinks he does. Robin said she can't wait to hear it. Howard said he and Mark will discuss it on the show tomorrow. He said they're not going to release the song if it doesn't come out well.
Gary said that Mark is putting a lot of work into this song. Howard said that's what he means. He can't release it if it's not good. He said if it sucks it's Mark's fault. He said they're working on a video for it and it'll be him, Fred and Mark jerking each other off in a pool.
Robin asked about JD doing the documentary. Howard said he's not a self starter. JD said he's not sure what he's allowed to talk about. He said things are being made. He said they are shooting some stuff and he may have a chance to edit it. Howard said he doesn't need JD there in the studio tomorrow. Gary said they're shooting it all but JD is the creative mind behind how it gets assembled. Howard said it would be funny if that video became a hit instead of the song.
Howard asked JD if he has reviewed any footage yet. JD said not yet. Howard said that's his director there. JD said he's not sure what they have filmed at this point. Howard said he would like to do this whole song in one take. Robin said you can't do that. Howard said he doesn't know if he like the feel of the song. He said he might be quitting. He said Francis Ford Doppola is going to direct. Howard asked JD if he's Martin Scorspacey. Fred called him Guillermo Del Lazy. Howard asked if he's Stephen Spielnerd. JD was quiet. Howard asked if he's Orson Swells. Fred laughed at that one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to give it to Baba Booey for pulling Mark Ronson into this. Howard said he agrees. He said Gary did good. Howard asked what he did to convince him. Gary said he's a fan of the show and he said he would love to do it and he listens to the show every day. He said Mark understands Howard's limitations and knows how to work with them. Howard sang a little bit and said he can sing a little bit.
Howard said he saw the Greta Van Fleet on Saturday Night Live and he was blown away. He said he doesn't know what's going on with that kid who sings. He said he was expecting to see a Robert Plant looking guy walk out and that kid walked out.
Howard did his Led Zeppelin impression and sang a little bit to show how he can sing. He sang for a short time and said this is for Mark Ronson. He said he should do a different song. He wasn't feeling it with that one. Howard kept going though.
Howard said that was better than the original. He said that is a tough song. Robin said it is. She said he should be able to handle something less tough than that. Howard said he can hear Mark's car peeling out now. Fred played a clip of the car peeling out.
Howard asked JD if he got all of that to put in the documentary. Howard took a call from fake Mark Ronson who said he can't make it tomorrow. He said he has explosive diarrhea. He had shitting sounds playing as he was talking to Howard.
Howard said this is a review of their calls to the show. He played some samples of the calls they've made to the show in the past. In one they had Howard talking about his enlarged prostate and they tried to stop him from talking about it but they weren't hanging up on him. They eventually did.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with that Mother guy. He said one time they called in and said they have a show with someone they call Grandmother. He said he's just trying to bring everyone up to date. Howard played that phony phone call that they made to the show with Grandmother being introduced to Mother.
Howard said they took Tan Mom clips from her recording session and said she's an alien being. Howard said this is Tan Mother vs. Mother. Howard played the call where they took the Tan Mom clips and told Mother and his show that they had the mother of Tan on the line. They played the clips of Tan Mom in her recording session playing the part of an alien. The show kept her on the line and said it sounds like she's been ''trafficked.'' They wanted to get her off the line after they had Tan Mom cursing.
Howard asked how you like that. He said that was Tan Mom vs. Mother. He said that's their ongoing series. Robin asked where these people come from. Howard said he has Mother on the phone to answer that. One of the guys in the back was doing an impression of Mother talking about how he comes from the planet Lougie. He asked for some radio advice from Howard. Howard said he thinks he's already there. Mother wanted to talk up a song so he did that with an AC/DC song.
Howard said they have another adult cat that's very nice. He said go on Beth's Instagram to see all of that. He said he's not sure what her name is on there. Gary had to check. He said it's BethOStern.
Howard said they made love this morning. He said that Beth thought he had morning wood but it was real wood. Howard said everyone in the office is impressed by that. Jason said he's impressed that she's up with him. Howard said she was up at 2 in the morning and she got back in at 4. He said she said she was cold so he warmed her up. He said she snuggled up to him and he was hugging her and told her she's warm but she was still cold. He said he started to pull up her nightgown. He said that wasn't warming her up. He said he did his thing and touched her butt. He said he told her that she needs him to service her to get her warm. He said he had to warm her up from the inside. He said she said he can talk anyone out of anything. Howard said then he said he didn't want it, he was just doing it for her. Robin said he's such a giver. Howard said that's right. He said the whole office is jerking off to this.
Howard said he entered Beth around 5 in the morning. He said he had to get into the shower. He said he warmed her up. Robin asked how long that took. He said he was there for a while. Howard said he doesn't shoot his load in 3 seconds. He said she was warm after that.
Howard said he had to do her just in case the cure for everything is making love to her. He asked Robin what she would do if the cure for everything was Lenny Dykstra banging her. Robin said she would just have to go. Howard said he helped Beth out with his love. He said he should take a break and bring David in. He said he listens to the show every day and he has a lot of thoughts about the show. He said they'll talk to him about that. He said he has thoughts about the Newly-Wet game. He said he does want to talk to him. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he likes this song. He said David Alan Grier is there. He said he's liked him since the days of In Living Color. He said he's now on the show ''The Cool Kids'' on Friday nights. Howard asked where the beard came from. David said he's 62 years old and they think he looked too young. He sad not now with the beard. He said he kept calling and said he had to get in there to talk. He said he told them they can make him look crusty so that's how he did it. He said he loves the beard. He said it's like having Howard's hair but on his chin. He said Black Twitter thinks he just aged. He said they put this stuff around his eyes that make it really crinkly and put liver spots on his head. He said they put tufts of hair so he looks older. He said he does half a donut hair.
Howard asked if Martin Mull is on the show. David said he is and he was retired but he came out to do it. Howard said he heard Martin paints. David said he does. He said Martin was the first famous dude he met in his life back in the 70s. He said he wrote him a note on a napkin when he was 18. He said Martin was so cool and came over and sat with him. He said he was in high school and he wrote something funny to him and he came over and sat with him. He said he never forgot him.
David said he hosted the show Later for a few times and he told Martin that story and they became friends then. He said he bought some of his art after that. David said Martin is in museums with his art. He said he's given him a few too. He said he's a really cool guy. He said he did Life of Bonnie in 2003 and he's now on this show. He said Martin is 75 years old so he's for real old. He said he's in great shape though.
David said Martin was there when he met Charlie Day on Cool Kids. He said he told Charlie that Martin should be on the show and that all worked out.
Howard said he got into David on In Living Color. He said he thinks he was so good because he was an actor and not a stand up. David said he wasn't a stand up but he did start doing it. He said he talked to Damon Wayans about doing stand up and making like 20,000 a weekend doing that. David said he wasn't a stand up. He said he was a music theater guy. He said 10 days later he was doing stand up after hearing that you can make 20,000 in a weekend.
Howard said he did a ton of impressions on In Living Color. David said he hung out with those guys and he knew them so he got that gig. He said he knew Keenan. He said that it helps to get a job when you know people like that. He said Keenan wanted people to see how funny he was. He said he wasn't really considered funny. He said when he hung out with them he had to do comedy. He said he was at the Laugh Factory they told him what he was doing wrong up on stage. He said he has tape of that and you can hear them yelling stuff out to him.
Howard said he did impressions like Joe Jackson and Ike Turner on In Living Color. David said he did those two an they were basically the same. He did some of that impression for Howard. He said he heard a story about Joe Jackson doing an interview back stage and this guy tried to come up and speak to him and Joe punched the guy and just kept going. Howard said Joe wanted everything with Michael and he would do whatever he had to do to get it. Howard said Ike was like that too.
David said he heard Laurence Fishburn was doing a movie and he heard that Ike's nickname was ''Sunny.'' He said Laurence asked him where he was when he came back on the set and Ike just said ''Everywhere!''
Howard said he and David are around the same age. He asked what he would watch on TV to get inspired. David said he watched the Ed Sullivan show. He said he saw Richard Pryor on that show. He said he was trying to be like Bill Cosby on that show. He said that he liked George Kirby. He said there was that guy in The Watermelon Man. He said that was Godfrey Cambridge. David said that Sammy Davis Jr. was cool too.
Howard asked if that's where he got the show biz bug. David said not really. He said that his dad was a psychiatrist. Howard said he got like a 1300 on his SATs. David said he wanted to be in music theater. He said his dad told him you can't make it in show biz unless you're gay. David said he had questions about that. He said that his dad really believed that. He said his brother told him his dad said to him that they had ''lost David.''
Howard asked where he found the strength to go into show business. David said he had to. He said he loved Jimi Hendrix on the radio. He said he told his mother that he wanted to be himself and he wanted silver platform shoes. He said that his mom looked at him with distress. Howard asked if his father thought something was wrong with him. David said not really. He said he went to college and his parents had broken up. He said he majored in Journalism with a Mass Communications minor. He said all he did was plays. He said he did all of the black plays. He said they did one a year.
Howard said there was nowhere for him to shine. David said he was the only black student who would audition for everything else. He said he wanted to make sure no one would forget him. He said his father came to one show he did. He said he was doing summer stock. He said he showed up with his girlfriend and he was playing a squirrel in the play. He said his father came in and gave him a look. He said he just had to hug him and said he loves him. David said he wrote his father years later thanking him for doing that. He said he was playing a squirrel at the time and he must really love him if he could say that to him playing a squirrel. He said if he can lie to him that well then he really loves him.
Howard asked David about going to Yale. David said he was walking his parents around the campus and his father asked how he did that. He said he got in because of his parents break up. He said he told the financial guy at the college that he didn't know where his father was after their breakup. He said his father was speechless when he showed him around campus. He said his father was totally humbled and speechless.
Howard asked if he went to college with Madonna. David said yes. He said they were in African dance and ballet together. Howard asked how many students were in this. David said it was like him and 30 white girls and 3 gay dudes. He said he was taking it because it was a room full of pussy and he was the only straight guy in the class. Howard asked if Madonna was Madonna at the time. David said she was an excellent dancer. He said he would be in it and you'd get to pick the girls up and all of that. He said he was in love with Madonna. He said they didn't have enough black women for the class so they took some of the white girls and painted them brown and gave them corn rows. He said Madonna walked around with that for 2 days. David said today you can't do that.
Howard asked if he tried to get into her pants. David said everyone did. He said he dated one of her friends. He said she was like 17 and he was much older at 18 or 19. Howard said when someone explodes was his mind blown. David said it did. He said that he wasn't jealous. He said she wanted to do what he was doing at the time. He said she wanted to be an actor. He said that she ultimately did that.
David said his first job was playing Jackie Robinson in a play. Howard said then he ends up on In Living Color. David said they would pitch characters to Keenan. He said you just did one after another. He said it was really hard. He said Damon would sit in the corner. He said everyone pitched stuff that was just shit. He said Damon would just sit there and then Damon would come up with something. He said something like this is a slave who falls asleep in a cave and wakes up 200 years later. He said he'd just come up with stuff like that in 10 seconds.
Howard said Jim Carrey must have been scary talented like that too. David said he was. He said he'd be there doing the Fire Marshall Bill stuff with explosives and stuff. He said they were free to do anything they wanted there. He said Keenan protected them from everything. He said that they just did their thing and Jim took it very seriously. He said he was scribbling something down from day one. Howard said you never know what's going to happen there. David said he was like 29 then and he wanted his own series. He said he wanted DAG or whatever. He said this was just a sketch show.
Howard said he thinks he would have been brilliant as George Constanza. He actually auditioned for that. David said he did. He said he went in and read for the part and he thought the show was going to suck because Jerry was not a good actor. He said he just auditioned and he was glad to leave without the part. He said he didn't think it was going to work. He said he shouldn't have blown off the audition the way he did. He said Jerry was a terrible actor.
David said he went to the opening when Jim Carrey did his first movie. He said that he was sat next to Jim and Jim was crawling out of his skin. He said he had to support Jim. He said he laughed until he was hoarse. He said he wanted Jim to feel good. He thought no one was going to see that movie. He said he didn't think anyone was going to buy this. Howard said it was so different and out there that it seemed like it wasn't going to work. He said he saw Chris Rock out in the lobby and he agreed that no one was going to see it. David said he was so wrong. He said he turned that movie down too. He said one of the reasons Jim took that movie is because they gave him control. He said that he was told to do what he wanted to do with it. He said that's what he did. David said he thought it was too crazy and America wasn't ready. He said Jim would do this Colon Man character behind the scenes. He said he wanted him to do that for him if he ever won the lottery. He said he never thought that America would be ready for something like that.
David said he was offered a movie with Rob Schneider. He said that he turned that down too. He said he has made many wrong turns in his career. He said he remembers a year after Ace Ventura came out this little white kid came in the room and he took a VHS copy of that movie and he knew how to press play and rewind and he'd watch it over and over again. He said he realized it was a cultural phenomenon. He said he thinks people forgot just how big Jim was.
David said Jim wanted to be on Letterman the week before the movie and they turned him down. He said by Monday they were flying him out to be the guest on the show.
David said J-Lo was on In Living Color too. He said she was only 18. He said that Damon tried to do a show with the Fly Girls. He said that Jennifer was the only one who had charisma. David said she used to have a unibrow. He said that he saw her with A-Rod and they looked like they had their own key light.
Howard asked David what's going on with him. He said he's out of his second marriage. David said he's dating a woman who he dated 20 years ago. He said they got back together via Twitter. David said they got back together because their love never really died.
Howard asked about how he was supposed to date Sarah Silverman's sister. David said Jimmy Kimmel used to have guest co-hosts. He said Jimmy was with Sarah at the time and Sarah told him that her sister had a crush on him so he just said yes. Howard said he was looking for love. David said he thinks that this is her younger sister Laura. He said that Sarah hooked them up. He said they were going to go out after chatting via email. He said he ran into this porn star a couple of days before this date. He said this porn star wanted to go out with him so he emailed Laura and told her that his mom was really sick. He said he didn't know what was going to happen with the porn star but you have to go out with the porn star. David said he went to this Japanese restaurant with this porn legend. He said he got to do her. He said he got to do her. He said they hung out for about 6 months. Howard asked if he was nervous about performance in front of her. David said he was so nervous he started taking Viagra that night. He said this was in 2003. Howard said it wasn't that long ago.
Howard said he had no trouble getting it up but he took Viagra just in case. David said she would do things. He said she gave him this blow job that was a porno film performance. Howard asked if it was a big difference. David said it was a big difference. He said he told his brother that they have been lied to all their lives. He said he was used to the blow job that was like ''I'll blow you if all else fails.'' He said he has never gotten a blow job like that. He said this was a whole other level.
David said they were hanging out once and she said she was going to get him some Viagra so they can do some marathon fucking. He said he was already on Viagra though. He said he had to break up with her because he wasn't able to keep up. David said just imagine that this woman had put in as much time in that job as Howard has in radio. He said that's how good she was.
David said they weren't able to be seen publicly and she was trying to clear her deck. He said that he used all of that to break up. He said he wasn't able to go to the mall with her. Howard said he's telling him that she put in her 10,000 hours. David said yes.
David said that Sarah's other sister saw him at the restaurant with the porn star so that ruined all of that. David said the other sister is a rabbi. He said that he knew that this woman was a porn star though. David said years later he and Sarah have kept in touch and her mother wanted to come see him in a play he was doing. He said he set that up for her. He said Sarah's mom comes with some other white folks. David said he thought he was going to get away Scott free but she knew the porn star story and told everyone about it. David said he wondered if she had to tell that story.
Howard asked if he has run into Laura since then. David said they have and it's cool now. He said he asked Sarah what happened there. He said she said they're an open family so they share stories like that.
Howard said David is there to promote The Cool Kids which is on Friday nights on FOX. Howard said he wants to talk to him about this show too. He said that the Newly-Wet game is happening tomorrow. David said that he's team Brent all the way. He said he's putting $100 on Brent. He said that he called the Wrap Up Show guys one day and he wanted to come in and do the show after hearing Brent talking about what he does with his wife. He said that he had to cancel to do something else but he wanted to get on that show instead of the other thing he was doing. David said he had to come in and meet Brent. He said he's his hero.
Howard asked if he has had a threesome. David said he has but not with a woman he was in love with. He said that it's just a woman that he's going to have sex with. David said he has a freak friend who was into stuff like that. He said his girlfriend was wild and she took his friend's cock and put it into the other woman. He said they were looking at each other and as he has sex with the other woman her face just dropped and her eyes went black. He said that fucked everything up for them. He said even though she was the driver and told him to do this it still destroyed their relationship. David said this is what he told Brent to be careful with.
Howard asked what he thinks about Ronnie. David said he thinks that Brent and Katelyn love each other. He said that Ronnie talking about getting his ass fucked by a woman with a thing, that's just wild. He said he has never done anything like that. He said usually a guy will only do that stuff behind closed doors. He said that story will come out if they break up.
David said he thinks that Ronnie and Stephanie should get married. He said he should do it now because he might not be able to wipe his ass so he'll need her.
Howard asked David about his theory on Sour Shoes. David said he thinks he's a genius. He said he would love to hang out with him and go pick him up at his house. He said he asked about him because his impressions are so brilliant. He said he could have been beyond In Living Color. He said out of all of the Wack Packers he's brilliant. He said he doesn't see any of the other dudes existing beyond this show.
Howard asked what happened with Stamos. David said that he heard this whole thing with John embracing sobriety and things. He said that his mom had passed away and this is what propelled him. He said that you've never seen him drunk. He said he saw John at the Critic's Choice Awards. He said he told him he wanted to get high with him and his face went like ''Why would you say that?'' He said he was getting all nervous and saying it was just a joke. He said he went off feeling horrible. He said he saw him later at the opening of Mary Poppins. He said he went up to him apologizing and John had forgotten all about it. He said that John started ridiculing him over that so they're back to normal.
Howard said that David and his brother would jump into a pool of white kids and all of the white kids would get out of the pool. David said that the movie The Green Book is a real thing. He said his father had that book. He said they were out driving around and their car broke down. He said his father came back to the car with his face as white as a ghost. He said his father told them to keep quiet. He said they were in this town chasing white kids around thinking it was a game. He said he didn't know it was a real thing that the white people there hated black people.
Howard asked how he knew Aretha Franklin. David said that she was a star and he went to school with her sons. He said that their mom was famous and they were nice guys. He said he wasn't really close friends with them.
David said there was a Stereo City commercial there in Detroit and someone's sister sang that theme song from the commercial and she was famous. David said he didn't go to the church that Aretha went to. He said their friendship came years later. He said Aretha was very nice to him. He said she asked him to call her up because she had something for him. He said that he never did call her but she came to see him do some things. He said she was a wonderful woman. He said she never left Detroit. He said that he had her love because that's where he was from.
Howard said he loved his appearances on Saturday Night Live. He asked why they don't have him back. David said Damon hosted first. He said they wanted to get him on the show so he went in to see Damon do it. He said that Damon told him he should do it and he'd get to do what he didn't get to do on In Living Color. David said he went out there and picked out his outfits at these stores and he told them what he wanted to wear. He said that he was told they would pay for that stuff and he'd get to keep it. He said they have stopped doing that.
Howard asked David why he didn't win Dancing with the Stars. David said that show was rigged. He said they asked him to do the show the first year it aired. He said this was like the third or fourth time they asked him to do the show. He said he had just had a baby and he was newly married. He said that they pay you just enough so when they talk to you like a dog you don't walk off. He said that things turned into a disaster on that show. He said they'd come in and tell you to do things. He said that they had him on the show because it's a reality show. He said that he was the comic foil. He said he was supposed to play the dope on the show. He said he told Adam Carolla he hated it there. He said that it was week 3 and in his post show interview he had to show his passion. He said they told him to have a meltdown. Howard said it's like Queen for a day. David said he had his meltdown and he just went too far. He said that he committed and he had his De Niro breakdown. He said people hated him after that. He said the next day the producer and his partner said the judges hate him. He said that he was told to get his shit together and it was downhill from there. Howard said he lost 30 pounds doing the show though. David said he did.
David said he cursed out the judges and the next day he was in the headlines. He said that they were thinking of hiring a fix it firm to help him out. He said that Robert Downey Jr. can do heroin and break into a neighbor's house and get an Oscar Nomination but he can't have a breakdown on Dancing with the Stars. He said that his wife said to him that now the world knows he's an asshole. He said that's what happened. He said it was so fucked up. He said the kids from across the street ran into their house when they saw him. He said he was Boo Radley after that.
David said he went to Whole foods and these two black dudes in Whole Foods said he was an embarrassment. Howard said he must be traumatized from doing it. David said he was. He said he heard about this play ''Race'' that was auditioning. He said he wanted to go in for the part and he knew he'd be nominated for a Tony. He said he went in for the audition and he wanted that part bad. He said he said he made them schedule another appointment to meet David Mammet. He said that his wife was dumping him and everything was shit. He said his show as canceled and all of that. He said David gave him the role and said he had to wait to hear other people read the lines. He said he wanted him from the start though. David said he broke down crying in his car. He said he was breaking down and then he realized that he was getting what he wanted. He said he proved to his wife that he wasn't a piece of shit. He said he got the role and his wife still left him but he wasn't a piece of shit to her. He said she came to see him in that play. He said he was really on fire that night too.
Howard asked if that's the woman who gave him a hand job. David said his daughter was like 3 or 4 years old and his cock war so hard. He said his wife gave him a hand job while his daughter was looking at him so he had to ask her to stop. He said that was just too weird.
Howard said David has done it all. David said he survived and it all worked out. Howard said thank god David Mammet didn't watch Dancing with the Stars. David said thank god for him. He said he is fiercely independent. He said thank god for that man. Howard said his father was wrong. He said show business is for him. He said if his father had squashed that desire then he would have been denied the life he needed.
Robin asked if his dad got to see his success. David said that his father wrote ''Black Rage'' and Robin said she didn't know he was that Grier. David said he has tape from the 60s where his father said if they are denied what they want they are going to just take it. He said his father was unable to travel when he did the play ''Race'' but he came to see Porgie and Bess. He said his dad had Polio and he told him how obsessed he was with that play. He said his father came to see him in that but he left after 2 minutes because he didn't come out. He said that he gathered the cast to come out and meet him instead. He said his dad was weeping and the cast came over and hugged him. He said he had this great moment with his dad and said it's all great.
David said his dad called his brother and they had a different relationship. He said his dad told Jeffrey why he's in a bad mood. He said he's got a bad back and his brother asked if he had a bad back for 50 years. He laughed when he told that story.
Howard asked what it was like to meet Prince. David said this was in about 2000 when he got to meet him. He said Jamie Foxx was obsessed with Prince. He said he liked him. He said he was invited to a party and it was Prince's party. He said this is when he was ''The Artist'' and not Prince. He said this woman asked if he wanted to meet The Artist and he said yes. He said the people parted and Prince showed up. He said Prince was sitting down and he's a tiny man. He said he leaned down and said that he's such a fan. He said Prince repeated that and then he said he's been listening to everything he's done. He said he was repeating everything what he was saying. He said he wasn't sure what to do so he just backed away. David said he is not good at hanging out with famous people. He said that he and Martin Lawrence used to hang out. He said they were hanging out with Eddie Murphy at Bubble Hill. He said that Martin wanted that same thing that Eddie had. He said he didn't want that. He said it was just too much to hang out with people like that. He said his ass would get tight and itchy. Howard said he's with him on that. He said he can't do that either.
David said he got a call from Eddie Murphy and he wanted to come see him doing Shakespeare in the Park. He said this was a 3 and a half hour play. He told Eddie not to come see him. He said he just can't handle that.
David said he has another Prince story. He said he had this club that he went to and his road manager came to pick him up. He said that this was in like 1995 or so. He said these people came and picked him up and he had this property that he built his studio on. He said this guy told him a story about being on the road and Prince calls him at 3 in the morning. He said that wasn't unusual for Prince to do that. He said the guy says that Prince said there are voices coming from his walls. He said that the guy goes to help out and Prince is wearing white satin clothes and boots. He said he says there are mother fucking voices coming from the mother fucking walls. He said they listen and they hear the voice. He said they do a sweep and they find a woman in the crawl space behind Prince's bed and she's reading bible verses to him to try and convert him. He said they dragged this woman out and prince is sitting there saying ''I told you there were mother fucking voices coming from the mother fucking walls but you didn't believe me.''
Howard said he loves seeing David. He gave him some plugs for the TV show. Howard said you have to watch Cool Kids. David said he will be listening to the Newly-Wet Game tomorrow. He said he wishes he could be there for it. Howard said you think Ronnie isn't listening to his girlfriend but there is a sensitivity there.
David asked how long Brent has been there. Howard said not that long. He said he used to work with Bubba the Love Sponge.
David said he would like to know if Brent's wife has a sister. David said he just wants to know. He said Brent is his hero. Howard had Brent come in.
Brent came in and said Katelyn is an only child. David said if they don't make it then just let her know he'd like her to think of him. He said you never know. Howard said he's putting all of his ducks in a row. Brent said she just got new titties last week. He said they look like DD right now.
David asked if she has added a toe or anything. Brent said not at all. David asked what she does for a living. Brent said she does commercial real estate to put it broadly. David asked how her mom is. David said she's good. He said her dad is a retired police officer. He said he's kind of conservative. He said she tells her mom everything though. Howard said she stuck her tongue way up Brent's asshole on the first date. David said that's not for him. He said that he dated a girl who liked doing that and he told her that he would not respect himself. He said he doesn't want a woman seeing him in that position.
Howard said that David is in The Cool Kids. He gave him some plugs and David mentioned that they ran into each other at some restaurant called Club 21 or something. Howard said this is a place that Ralph Lauren started. He said it's really good. David said that some white kids sent him a drink there thinking he was Steve Harvey. He said that he told them he's not Steve Harvey and they were embarrassed.
David asked how Robin is doing. She said she's great. Howard said she is his inspiration. He said she has this attitude that he has to inject into his soul. He said no mater what life throws at her she has the best attitude on any human being. Howard said he told his wife the other night that he has to figure out how she got this strong. David asked how long they've worked together. Robin said it's like 38 years. David asked if they have ever wanted to go their own way. Robin said no but Howard said he has. Robin told him to go then.
David asked what he would do if he left radio. Howard said he would paint. He said he likes painting. David said if he won the lottery he would buy the studio they do The Cool Kids at and he'd keep doing the show. Howard told David about some of the paintings he's doing. He said he did one of some barns he is enamored with. David said water color is very hard. He said he wasn't good at it. Howard said he started about 4 years ago. He said he would do that for 3 or 4 hours. Howard showed David a picture of his painting. Howard said after doing the painting he would have rice and beans. He said that's what he would have every day.
David asked what his cheat day would be. Howard said he would have 3 teaspoons of Gelato. He said he and his wife would watch This Is Us or The Bachelor. David asked if he would do more ass play. Howard said he doesn't do ass play. He said that's why his wife keeps telling him to keep working.
Howard gave David some more plugs and talked to him about the show a little bit. They talked about the other stars on the show and how that's working out.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he is never going to retire. He said he's making a list so there's no way he'll retire.
Howard asked David who his best friend is. He asked if Adam is. David said that he's become a right wing guy and he can't talk to him. He said he hasn't talked to him in years. He said he's not a fan of Trump's and he doesn't want a wall. He said that one guy online said that he sucks because they don't agree politically. He said he told the guy they can still be friends even if they don't agree. He said the guy said everyone should be like that. Howard said that's shocking that he broke up with Adam Carolla. He wondered if Jimmy has a problem with Adam.
David said he went to a party at Jimmy's place and there were all kinds of famous guys there. They spent a minute talking about that before Howard wrapped up and went to break.
Howard said it's time for news. They played her into it with a song parody. Robin started her news with a story about the musical Rent which was supposed to be live on TV last night but the lead in the show broke his foot so they had to play the dress rehearsal that was taped the night before. Robin said they had to show that instead of the live version. Robin said she loved rent and she watched last night. Howard said he had to go see it with the kids. Robin said he didn't see it with the original cast though. Robin said this performance seemed kind of lackluster. She said the audience was louder than the cast. Howard said maybe doing live musicals on air is dumb. Robin said she had to bail last night. She said the charisma wasn't there for her. She said better luck next time. Robin had some clips for Howard to play.
Robin said she tuned into Deal or No Deal instead of ''Rent.'' She said they have some new elements in the show that she enjoys. Howard said he watched some of that too. He said they had someone who took their $50,000 and got out of there. He said that's what they should do. He said you'll never get the million. Howard said he'd probably be out of there after $10,000. Robin said that might not be life changing for these people. Howard said that's a lot of money. Robin said it might not change your life though and that's what people are going on that show for. Howard said they're dummies. He said the show is over if you take that money. Robin sad she saw a woman turn down $90,000. She ended up getting $170,000. Howard said that's one example. Howard said these people are getting money for free for picking a suitcase. He said he'd just take the $500 if he had that offered to him. He said just use your head. He said people should just say ''deal'' and leave with the 20 grand.
Robin read a story about Andy Cohen having a baby shower for himself. Howard said he wasn't invited. He said don't ask people to buy you gifts if you have a lot of money yourself. Robin said she didn't read about anyone giving gifts. Howard said don't have a baby shower. He said just stop it. Robin said it's going to be a boy. Robin said Howard will get him a gift. Howard said no he won't. He said he loves the guy but he's not buying him a gift. Robin said she thinks Beth will buy him a gift. Howard asked if Robin is going to. Robin said she doesn't know him that well. Howard said that's what he said. He said maybe he'll regift Sal's painting book for the kid. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Super Bowl coming up this week. Howard said Richard said he's going to watch a game from 1970 when the Chiefs won. Howard said he thinks those guys are bullshitting who say they aren't going to watch. Gary said Richard will end up watching. He said that they're pissed that their teams didn't make it. Howard said they think Kansas City had a bad call in the playoffs. Gary said those happened all season long. Howard said he's caught up in the Tom Brady thing. He said he doesn't even want to like guys like that but Belichick fascinates him too. Gary said Tom has said this isn't going to be his last game either way. Robin asked Gary to let her do the news. She had more on that story. She had an audio clip but she didn't have the number. It took them a few to find it. Gary said they asked Richard if he's really not going to watch and he said he's not going to sit around watching Tom Brady win another Super Bowl. Howard said he's not a real football fan then.
Robin read a story about the former CEO of Starbucks, Howard Schultz, possibly running for President in 2020. Howard said that's just going to fuck everything up. Robin read some more details about that. Robin said that the first democrat running has already dropped out. Robins said that was Richard Ojeda. She had some audio of him talking about why he's dropping out.
Robin read a story about how Hillary Clinton isn't ruling out running in 2020. Robin had more details on that and Howard said he would be for that. Robin said she can't win. Howard said you don't know that. She said there are a number of people who said they can't vote for her. She said she's not sure why but they can't vote for her. Robin said they just hate her, not her politics. Robin said it's the same with Nancy Pelosi. Howard said he thinks she's kind of hot in an old lady way. Fred said she might be the hottest old lady on the planet. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said Jane Fonda is hot at 80. He said Nancy looks like she got pulled back a little bit. Fred asked who hasn't. He told Howard that she's 78 years old. Howard said she looks good. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the government shutdown finally ending. Robin said a 3 week agreement was struck between the House of Representatives and the President. Robin said they say there is only a 50/50 chance that they'll solve this so in 3 weeks they may have another shutdown. Robin said they're going to try to get the back pay to the workers who were not paid for the 35 day shutdown. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said Trump says he's willing to shut it down again. Howard said you can't do that. He said you can't hold workers hostage.
Howard had fake Sarah Huckabee Sanders on the phone to talk about the shutdown and the wall. Howard spent a few minutes with her. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening for over 30 years and he loves them. He told Howard where he used to drive and listen. Howard was trying to rush him so he could move on. The caller said he has seen Private Parts a few times. He said he had a scene where the girl was straddled over the speaker and he did the shifting of gears with his mouth. He asked if he really did that. Howard said yes he did. He said he did it in Washington DC. He said the woman came. Robin said that's right. Howard said Fred remembers that too. He said they did it a few times. The caller asked what happened to the Sybian. Howard said the last woman broke it. He asked how many times you can do the same thing. He said they really did that speaker thing. He said he did a loop where it kept going. Robin said he just kept going when he was a young man. Howard said he can't go on like that now.
Robin read a story about the mayor of New London, Connecticut who talked about Wilbur Ross not understanding what it's like for the people affected by the government shutdown. Robin had some audio of the mayor and of Wilbur Ross talking about what people could do to get food instead of going to homeless shelters to get it. Robin said it was crazy to hear people telling the workers to take a vacation or take out a loan. Robin said it takes a few days to get a loan. Robin said he was in the out of touch gang. Robin said that Steve Martin played him on Saturday Night Live this weekend. JD said he played Roger Stone actually. They had a clip of Steve playing Roger Stone. Robin said it was Kate McKinnon who played Wilbur Ross.
Robin read a story about Roger Stone saying he is going to fight for his life against these charges that were leveled against him. Robin had some audio of Roger Stone talking about how he might be willing to strike a deal with prosecutors but he'd have to talk to his lawyers about that.
Robin read a story about Chris Christie writing a new book and telling Roger Stone not to fight this. Robin had some audio of Chris talking about how he's going to get caught if he changes his story around. Robins said they say Trump is distancing himself from Stone since this came out.
Robin read a story about Tom Brokaw being on TV talking about the growing influence of Hispanics in politics and he offended some people. Robin had some audio of Brokaw talking about the Hispanics and how he's been told that some people don't want ''brown grand babies'' and some other odd things. Howard said he has no idea what the fuck he just said. Robin said it offended Hispanics and on social media it was swift so Brokaw apologized later in the day.
Howard took a call from Tom Brokaw audio book clips. The guys had Tom saying some weird shit that they had edited together. Howard said he sounds better on the phone. Robin said yes but she's wondering if NBC is going to ask him to hang up his spurs. The guys played a long edited clip of Tom talking about a bunch of weird sexual stuff. Howard wondered if that's what happens when you turn 79. He said Tom used to stay away from controversy. He said then you ask him about Hispanics and that happens. Howard did his racist old man impression talking about the Hispanics. He replayed the clip of Brokaw's comments a couple of times. Howard asked what happened there. He said it's like a complete disconnect there. Robin said he can hear himself so maybe he should realize he should stop talking. Howard had Brokaw clips on the phone saying even more weird shit.
Robin read a story about some employees at a Trump golf club in New York who were fired for not being in the country legally. Robin said some of them were hired 15 years ago and they say that they thought Trump knew this when they were hired. Robin had some audio of someone reading a statement from Eric Trump about that. She had some audio of another person talking about how this is a federal crime and the Trump organization is a criminal organization.
Robin read a story about vaccines and how some people are against them. Robin had some audio of someone talking about Measles making a comeback. Robin said that the Measles have started coming back in children who haven't been vaccinated even after they thought they had done away with the disease completely.
Robin read a story about the SAG Awards and had some details of the winners like Chadwick Boseman. She had some audio from the event too. She had clips of a few winners making their speeches.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly being looked into by the FBI. Robin said that they're looking into a story about an underage woman being flown to R. Kelly when this girl was just 17. Robin said Kelly's lawyer says he did not commit a crime.
Robin said there are new allegations against Bryan Singer who directed ''Bohemian Rhapsody'' and some of the X-Men features. Robin said he's being accused by young men who say he used booze to entice them to have sex.
Robin read a story about the movie ''Glass'' being number 1 at the box office this weekend. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about the Bush song Fred played at the start of the show. He wondered if women are growing out their bush now. He said it seems to be a thing. Robin said there's always a movement. Howard said he doesn't like that movement. He said Bush is a good band. He said that's Gavin. He said he likes that song and there's a clip on YouTube where he was married to Gwen Stefani and she came out and sang with him. He said there's a certain energy there. He said that you just go ''fuck!'' when you see that. Howard said he saw the two of them walking together one time and it was at night. He said they were hand in hand and they had young, fresh love and it looked attractive. He said they were very attractive people. He said it was a wicked combo. He said now they're divorced. He said it looked like the perfect life to him. He said he can get jealous.
Howard said he gets crazy when he sees anyone with anything good. Robin said people should be jealous of him then. Howard said he thinks they are. He said he has told his wife to stay home from certain things because he thinks they're going to be jealous of him. He said Beth said he's insane. He said she knows it's true sometimes though. He said he has guy friends and if he brings Beth they get weird with her. He said it's in a weird way too. He said it ends up ruining his friendships with guys. He said he's going to get her a fat suit. He told her that. He said it's like that suit in Shallow Hal.
Howard said that all goes back to his childhood when he had to try to figure his mother out. He did his impression of her talking about these women he thought were nice but his mother didn't. He said she'd talk about what a horrible mother these women were and how horrible his friends were. Howard said she'd call them hoodlums and they were like 7 years old. He said she thought they weren't in her league of brilliance. He did more of his mother's impression talking about that. Howard said he'd get praise from his mother about that. He said she would tell him he gets what she's saying and he listens to her. He said his sister didn't listen to her. He said she was teacher her children to consider others. He said she said he should know when she's upset. Howard said he was and he became an expert at it.
Robin said he hears his mother's voice coming out of everyone else. Howard said that's right. He said he has to know her every whim.
Howard was still doing his mother's voice talking about how your children should be listening to you.
Howard said they have the Newly-Wet Game coming today. He said let's do it. He said they have the Hatley's vs. The Munds. He said they have a lot of money riding on this. He said they'll meet the couples in a couple of minutes. He went to break after that.
Stephanie said he does things in his own way. She said her Vet Tech license came in the mail and he got it framed for her so that was very sweet. Howard said that's nice. Fred did his Ronnie voice saying he's very polite and always asks if he can cum on her ass. Ronnie said he actually does ask every time.
Howard said they have Ronnie and Stephanie Mund there. He said that she's going with it on Instagram. Ronnie said it's not official. He said she doesn't have to take it away.
Howard said they also have another couple which is Brent and his wife Katelyn. Robin asked if she uses the Hatley name. Katelyn said she does. Ronnie said they are married. Howard said they learned that Katelyn had her breasts redone. He asked if she loves them. She said she does. She said they're big enough but not too big. Robin said they are very appropriate. Brent said they are 50 percent larger than the last set. Howard said he was expecting something too large for her. Brent said this doctor doesn't do circus tits. Howard said Brent said she's built like a brick shithouse and he thought that was negative. Katelyn said it's really not and she gets what he means.
Howard asked if Ronnie wants to win. Ronnie said yes. Stephanie said she wants to win. Howard asked if Ronnie knows her. Stephanie said she feels like they do. Howard said they've been together for 12 years. Stephanie said he can push her buttons when he wants to. Howard said they fight a lot. Ronnie said it's not fighting. Howard asked if he took some kind of chill pill over there. Ronnie said no. He said he's not stressing over this.
Brent said they're going to win. Howard had some Brent and Katelyn show moments to play. He had some clips of them talking about sexual stuff.
Howard asked why the winging thing hasn't happened yet. Katelyn said they did try but this guy had an 8 inch long beard and she didn't want to have sex with that. She said they're being very picky. Howard asked if he would have held the guy's dick and put it inside her. Brent said he's no going to do that. He said he wants to see her get fucked though. Howard said he thinks that Brent is going to wig out on her and it's going to create jealousy. Katelyn said not at all. She said they have discussed this for months. She said they know what they're okay with. Howard asked what happens if she likes the guy and she thinks about secretly going out and fucking the guy without Brent being there. He said that could happen. Katelyn said they're so close though and she can't see that happening. She said that's not a possibility. Howard said he doesn't want to share her with anyone. He said he doesn't get that mindset. Brent said he has accepted all of that and it's a normal consenting adult thing.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie and Stephanie arguing clips from the show. He said you can feel the love in the room. Howard asked Stephanie if she ever gets upset with all of the arguing. She said not really. She said they don't fight in bed. She said most of the time they're home they don't fight that much. She said it's when they drive somewhere and they need directions. She said or when they do a project together. She said it's not really fighting. She said it's bickering.
Howard said he heard that Katelyn wanted to hook up with Ronnie and Stephanie. Katelyn said she thought it would be a good match because they're into kinky stuff. Howard said she was inspired by Ronnie to do ass stuff to Brent by them. Katelyn said that she was. She said she had never done more than her finger or her tongue in his ass.
Howard said he can't imagine taking stuff in the ass like that. He asked what position Ronnie is in. He said you're in doggy style. Stephanie said that it's empowering to her. She said it's sticking something in his ass. Ronnie said the first time he was screaming. Howard asked if you catch a whiff when that happens. Stephanie said it always comes out clean. She said it's always clean. Howard said Ronnie used to wash his ass in the sink. Ronnie said he can't do that now. He said he got new sinks.
Howard said he has 300 bucks on Ronnie. He said Memet has $500 on Brent and Katelyn. Ronnie said he came in with his crisp bills.
Howard asked Katelyn what she thinks about Memet. She said he exaggerates sometimes. She said that he was telling stories about the Christmas party and he leaves out things. She said she was just joking about the hooking up with his girlfriend. She said she made sure they were okay with what she was saying to them. She said she wants to eat pussy some day but she hasn't yet. She said she's just putting it out there. She sad she's even told Stephanie that she'd like to eat her. Howard said that Katelyn asked Brent if he wanted to take something in his ass after hearing about Ronnie. Brent said he took her dildo in there. Ronnie told him to try a strap on. He said she'll be like a river. He said that something happens in their head. Robin asked if this is the one where they get clitoral stimulation. Ronnie said it is. He said he thinks they get something in their had about fucking hard and it makes them wet. Howard said Ronnie is a freak.
Howard asked Stephanie if she really felt like Ronnie said. She said it's empowering. She said that's the way it was. Howard asked if she wants to punish Ronnie when she has it on. She said that might be part of it.
Howard asked Katelyn if she likes doing that to Brent. She said she does and she can use one hand to do that and she can blow him at the same time.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie and Stephanie pour candle wax on each other. Ronnie said that's her thing. He said she pours it on him. Howard asked what's up with that. Stephanie said it turns into a hot oil and you can give massages with it. She sad they had to change the sheets after they did it last time. Ronnie said it feels good. He said it's fucking cool. Howard asked if Brent is writing this down. Brent said he is. Ronnie said it was all her idea.
Howard said he thinks that Stephanie must get bored with Ronnie but they have a lot going on in that bedroom. He said they do all kinds of things. Stephanie said you have to keep things fresh.
Howard asked Katelyn about how she blows Brent and sticks that dildo up his ass. Brent said sometimes she'll stick it in her own ass. Howard said she loves it in the ass. Katelyn said she does. Howard asked if Stephanie likes that. Stephanie said not really.
Howard said he has money on this game. He asked Fred if he has any money on it. Fred said he felt weird about it so he didn't bet. He said he's going for Ronnie though.
Howard said Brent and Katelyn met 7 years ago. He said that she was dating a guy who got into the Bubba the Love Sponge show. He said that she found out about Brent that way. Howard said he always through Brent had a nice energy with Bubba. Katelyn said she agrees. Howard said they met at a radio garage sale. Brent explained what that was. He said they'd sell the junk to get money for police officer families.
Howard said Katelyn met him at the garage sale and then what. Katelyn said that they ended up talking and they were talking about serial killers and stuff like that. Howard said they have gotten to know each other pretty well and he's worried about Ronnie and Stephanie not knowing each other well enough.
Howard said they had a very romantic first date. Howard said she was living with her parents. She said she was house sitting. Howard said Brent came over with mushrooms and then they did those and then started fucking. Brent said that was just a hang out. He said the next time they went out it was date. She said that's when she stuck her tongue in his ass. Howard asked if Brent knew he had to marry this girl. Brent said the sex was mind blowing. He said he's done some wild stuff but she was something else.
Howard asked what you should do when you're going to eat ass. Katelyn said just shower well. She said do that before you do it. Howard said when someone sticks your tongue up your ass you know that's wife material.
Howard said they had fun as they got to know each other. He said she once gave Brent head on their way driving to a game. She said they did that. Howard said that sounds dangerous. Brent said it was for him driving. Howard asked if Ronnie is listening to this. Ronnie said he is.
Howard said truckers were honking at them while they were doing it. Brent said he loves it. Howard asked if he has a good tasting load. Katelyn said it doesn't taste like anything to her. Howard asked if Ronnie has a strange taste. Stephanie said it doesn't taste like anything to her either.
Howard said they went to a KISS concert once and they were on shrooms there too. Katelyn said that wasn't a good idea. She said there were explosions and things going on.
Howard asked about this contract Brent and Katelyn signed. Brent said they go on long walks and they talk about everything. He said they had been to swingers clubs before and they both realized they have the same fantasies. Howard asked what Katelyn wants out of that. Katelyn said that she wants to see Brent with another woman. Howard said he sees. He said it's been 2 years so far. Brent said it's only been one year.
Howard said he wishes them luck with this. He said they smoke so much weed they may not remember what they say to each other. Howard said if you're playing at home these two have a contract that says you have to have sex with the other even if they don't want to. Howard asked if Katelyn is going nuts with the no sex thing for 3 weeks. She said she is. She has to take it really easy after the 3 weeks. Howard asked what she has to do with the boobs. She said she has to wear a sports bra. She said that she has been thinking about what she can do. She said she moves a lot and they don't want them moving around too much. She said she was going to offer a hand job. Brent said that would take forever for him to finish. He said he's been jerking off instead.
Howard said this is very exciting. He said they have to get to know Stephanie and Ronnie a bit. He said Stephanie is 35 years old so she's very young. Howard asked if he can fuck two times a day. She said they have done it in the morning and then at night. Howard said that's amazing that Ronnie can do that at his age. Ronnie said that's two times a day. Stephanie said it's not a normal thing that happens. Howard said it's funny what offends Ronnie. Ronnie was yelling at her about that being two times a day. He said you say a fact and she denies it. He said he didn't say it was every day.
Howard said he can't fuck two times in a day. He said he can do once a day. Howard said he admires Ronnie being able to do that. Howard asked if Stephanie ever thought she'd be with a guy like that. She was just laughing. Howard said she's a very young and sensual woman. He said Ronnie is her dream. Howard said she's a vet tech and she met Ronnie when she was 24 years old. She said she did. Howard said he was with Lonnie from the strip club and she had no idea who he was. She said that's right. She said that they were introduced through Lonnie. Howard said Ronnie worked his magic on her from there. Stephanie said that those moments were the sweetest back then. Howard said he wasn't fighting back then. Ronnie said he had a plan. He said he's so fucking nice.
Howard said Ronnie would shower gifts on Stephanie in the beginning. They kept things secret for a while and then they did their reveal. Ronnie said the first person who was really nice to her was Mary Dell'Abate. Ronnie said some people weren't so nice. He said they weren't out of line but there was whispering. He said Mary was very nice and talked to her about dogs and things. He said Gary was very nice too. Howard said they'll always have a soft spot for them because of that. Ronnie said for that yes.
Howard said Ronnie had a conversation with Jon Hein too. He said he brought her to his party. Howard asked if anyone mistook her for a friend of Jon's daughters. Ronnie said he doesn't know about that. He said they caught a lot of shit in the beginning. He said that they'd say that he has a beautiful daughter. He said she'd get pissed off. Stephanie said she had to correct people about it. She said she thinks it's absurd that people have to say that kind of thing.
Ronnie said once he had to take her to the emergency room and the doctor thought he was a pimp. He said he was talking to him telling him to wait in the lobby and things like that. Stephanie said they pushed him out and she told them that he was her boyfriend. She said she had to ask what they were doing.
Howard asked if Ronnie is the oldest guy she has ever dated. She said he is but she has always dated older guys. Howard said he's a nice, immature older guy.
Howard asked if Stephanie thinks they can win this thing. She said she does. He said it will be a hard game but they can win.
Howard said he knows that they're going to get married and the marriage is looming. Ronnie proposed on the show. Ronnie said he was trying to think of the right place to do it and he never did. He said it came up on the show and then Howard put him up against the wall. He said that's why he did it on the air. He said he caught tons of shit for it too. Howard said he was yelling through the whole proposal. Ronnie said he got a lot of shit from family. Howard said the engagement happened 2 years ago. Stephanie said they have an idea for the date. Ronnie said she does. She said that it's in October of 2020. She said that it just kind of fell that way. She said that way friends can come. She said it might work out this year. Ronnie said it's not going to work out this year. Stephanie said she wants it to be fun. Howard said you can't wait forever. He said Ronnie is going to be 71 by that time. Ronnie said she thinks he's going to live forever. Howard said she ants to have it in a barn. She said they're going to get a barn and have some food trucks.
Ronnie said they went to a destination wedding in Mexico and it was the greatest thing ever. He said she's not into that. Stephanie said she's fine with that but he wants to do just family. She doesn't want to do that.
Howard said it's time to find out who knows each other best. He said this is the exciting Newly-Wet Game. He said that they are going to recap the wagers. Howard said he has $300 on Ronnie and Stephanie. He said Memet has $500 on Brent with a bunch of people on the staff. He said they're going to take a break and escort the ladies to the sound proof booth and then ask the guys the questions. He said they'll only be doing one round. He said he doesn't have time to do more. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he's not sure who the guy in the pictures is. He said in the mirror he looks okay. He said they must have a special mirror there. He said he needs a face transplant.
Howard said he sees his mother in his face more than his father. Ronnie said he has his mother's eyes. Howard said he's not sure what it is. He said on 60 Minutes they had a story about a couple that lives in Michigan and they won $26 million. He said they did it all legally. He said they figure out how to win and they won. He said they say that these two are 62 years old and they look like his grandparents. He said that the guy figured it out in 10 minutes. Howard said the guy figured it out and how to play the right amount of money at the right time. He said you can win every tie. He said he'd win in increments. He said he was looking at the guy and he's 3 years younger than him but he looks like his grandfather. Howard said then Beth took the picture and he saw what he looks like. Howard said the dark hair helps. He said that he's also thin.
Howard said he had shrimp Parmesan last night and he scraped all of the cheese off. He said he'll sometimes leave a little in there just so he gets a treat. He said he's so fucking happy with that. He said he ate half the pasta and ate the broccoli. He said the shrimp is fried too though. He said that's not good. He said he just wants a little fun. He said he went crazy and had 4 teaspoons of Gelato. Ronnie said how about saving it for Saturday and have just a bowl of it. Howard said he eats this stuff called Vicecream just about every day. He said he was reading books about what Beth could eat and his Jessica Seinfeld has a book. She has this Vicecream in it. He said they have to get to the game.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a great interview with Ronnie and Brent. He said that was some fine work. Howard said the fun is going to continue now with the Newly-Wet Game.
Howard said lets get this shit started as Ronnie would say. He asked Ronnie and Brent to complete this sentence. He said ''When my wife cooks at home I wish she would stop making...'' Howard had them write down their answers. Robin said Brent is writing but Ronnie isn't. Ronnie said he's not sure. Howard said you have to write something down. He said Ronnie doesn't know how to spell. Ronnie said she doesn't cook. Howard said there goes his $100. Brent said he's going to say ''bean burritos.'' He said he has a soy allergy and it flares up with the stuff she makes.
Howard asked what the last thing you two argued about. He had the guys write down their answers. Howard said Ronnie has to write them down, not draw pictures. Brent was having trouble with that one. Howard said you have to write down something. Howard said they may have to buzz him. Brent thought about it and wrote down paying the doctor. Howard asked what Ronnie has. Ronnie said putting up the Christmas lights.
Howard asked the guys what their partner's biggest turn on is. He had the guys write down their answers. Ronnie was having trouble coming up with something. Howard asked what turns her on the most. He had him write something down. Ronnie said he wrote down ''Me.'' Brent had ''Me in any sexual situation.'' Robin said she thinks they're in trouble. Howard said he would say a good bottle of wine or something.
Howard asked what your partner would say is the most irritating thing about Brent or Ronnie. Howard let them write down their answers. Howard said these guys really think they're a prize. He said they're not going to match on anything. Howard asked what Brent wrote down. Brent said practicing his bits on her. Ronnie said that he has not listening to what she says.
Howard asked the guys to write down their answers for this. He asked who your partner would say you are most annoyed by on the Stern Show staff. Howard asked Ronnie what he has. Ronnie said Chris Wilding. Howard said he thought it was Wolfie. Brent wrote down Memet.
Howard asked the guys what will your partner say is your most attractive feature. Howard asked Brent what he has. Ronnie said his body. Howard said you can't just say your body. He said that's your whole body. He asked what feature of your body. Howard said something like your ass or something. Ronnie wrote down his butt. Howard asked Brent what he has. Brent said his calves.
Howard asked if anyone is going to score a point. Howard asked if he really has a good ass. Ronnie said according to her he does.
Howard asked what the last thing is that their partner put in their ass. They both said their dildos. Howard said they're going to take a break and then bring the women back in to play the rest of this game. They went to break a short time later.
Memet said that he thinks both of them sound like idiots. He said he should never put money on Brent. He said these were the obvious questions. Howard said Memet was confident going into this. He said he went and got fresh $100 bills. Memet said he thought he was going to keep them. He said these guys are also very low energy and he knew that was going to happen. He said he was falling asleep out there. Howard said the guys are trying to win. Memet said they're falling asleep out there. Ronnie said it's a fucking game, not a fucking party.
Howard asked Chris Wilding what he thinks. Chris said he's very confident. Howard told them all to get the fuck out of there. Chris thanked Memet for fucking that up for them. He said Ronnie is fucked too. Ronnie said alright Pee Wee. Howard said Ronnie thinks Chris looks like Pee Wee Herman.
Howard had Katelyn and Stephanie come back in. He asked how things were back there. They didn't hear a thing back there. Howard asked if Katelyn hit on Stephanie. Katelyn said maybe she did. She said she did ask her what eating pussy is like for her. She said it just came up. Howard said that Stephanie has done it and she told her about her experiences. Katelyn said she told her that it tastes good. Ronnie burst out laughing. He said it just sounded funny. Howard asked if they had any discussion about eating each other's pussy. They said no.
Howard said now it's time to find out what they know about each other. Howard went to Ronnie and Stephanie first. He asked what Ronnie wishes she would stop making at home. He asked Stephanie what she thinks Ronnie said. She said she thinks that it would be chicken because that's the thing she cooks the most. Ronnie had ''she can't cook.'' Howard said that is not a match. Howard asked Katelyn what she says Brent's answer was. She said that he'll eat anything she makes. Brent had ''bean burritos.'' Howard asked what happened there. Ronnie said she should have said she doesn't cook.
Howard said the next question was ''Name the last thing you argued about.'' Howard asked Katelyn first. She said that they don't really argue. She said maybe what they were going to do in New Orleans and the edibles they were going to take. Brent had ''Paying the doctor.''
Howard asked Stephanie what she thinks Ronnie's answer was on that one. Stephanie said it was about two things. She said it was about a stripper and about their sex life. Ronnie's answer was ''Christmas lights.'' Stephanie said it was just this past weekend they argued about the stripper. Howard said Ronnie doesn't listen to her. Stephanie said it kind of messed up sex that night because Ronnie wasn't into that girl and she got a lap dance from her. Howard asked if he's embarrassed by that. Ronnie said he just didn't want to get into it. Ronnie said she had a big mouth. He said she didn't do enough dancing. He said she was too talkative. He said he was getting a massage at the strip club and he
Howard asked what happened there. He said they had this argument and they should have gotten that point. Ronnie didn't want to talk about it so he didn't answer that one correctly. Stephanie said they worked that one out.
Howard asked the ladies what their man would say is their biggest turn on. He asked Stephanie first. Stephanie said when he rubs her butt. Ronnie answered ''Me.'' Howard asked what the hell is going on there. He sake if he really thinks that he's so hot that she's turned on by him. Ronnie said there's something wrong with her if she doesn't.
Howard asked Katelyn what she would say for that one. Katelyn said she likes when he gives her head. Howard had Brent give his answer and he said ''Me in any sexual situation.'' Howard said that's absurd. He said the ladies are answering in a great way but not the guys. He said this is crazy. Gary said Memet thinks that one was correct. Howard told Memet to go home. He said it's when she goes down on her. He said that's too fucking vague. Howard asked Jon if that's a good answer. Jon said it is not.
Howard asked the ladies what the most irritating thing is about their partner. Katelyn said it's his sneeze. She said he screams his sneezes. Howard said that's an involuntary thing. She said that he has normal sounding sneezes though. Howard had Brent show his answer and it was ''Practicing his bits on her.'' Katelyn said he does that all the time. Howard said he's not sure what those bits even are. He said they don't hear them. Brent said he has.
Howard asked Stephanie what she thinks. she said it's when he just goes to bed without telling her. Howard had Ronnie show his answer which was ''Not listening to what she says.''
Howard asked why Ronnie isn't looking at her. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He asked what he wants him to do. Robin said the score is 0 to 0. Howard said if they don't get any right he's not going into bonus questions. He said they're just going to kick them out.
Gary said they're on track to tie Robin and Mr. X on getting zero correct. Robin said she did hardly know that guy.
Howard said the next question was about who the ladies would say their man is most annoyed by on the staff. Howard asked Stephanie who she thinks that is. She said everyone. Howard said she has to pick just one. She said Memet. Howard had Ronnie answer and he had Chris Wilding. Howard said he's like his arch enemy. Howard asked if he's pissed. Ronnie said no. Howard asked if Stephanie is questioning her relationship. She said he is doing this purposely. Ronnie said he's not.
Howard asked who Katelyn thinks is the most annoying to Brent. She said it's got to be Memet. She was right. They got one point finally.
Howard said the next question was what is your partner's most attractive feature. Katelyn said his blue eyes. Brent had his calves. Howard asked Stephanie what her answer is. She said that it has to be his chest. Ronnie's answer was his butt. She said she could tell by his face. She said that she thinks his butt is cute but she was trying to think like him. Ronnie said she walks in the bathroom all the time and grabs it. He said she should have answered it the right way. Howard said he sees what she's trying to do with her answers. He asked if they can get a divorce before they even get married. Ronnie said she better take his last name off her Instagram. Robin said she and Mr. X did break up right after their game.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that all of this fake titties and stuff is not a real relationship. He said they don't know each other. Brent said that King is fat and walks funny. King said he's bald. Brent said so is King. Howard said he has to end this.
Howard said that they have Brent and Katelyn at one point and Ronnie with zero. Howard asked the ladies what the last thing was that they put in their man's asshole. Howard said maybe he should go to Stephanie first. She said a dildo. Ronnie had a dildo. They finally got a point. Howard asked Katelyn what she says. Katelyn said a dildo as well. Howard said Brent and Katelyn won. He said congratulations to them for their 2-1 win. Brent said a win is a win.
Howard said he owes money to Memet and Chris. Howard asked if Ronnie and Stephanie have anything to say. Ronnie said no. He said he's upset she didn't think about the answers in her head. Howard said he thought they had it. He said he was banking on it. Stephanie said she thought they had it too. She said she's not sure why he thinks just he turns her on. Ronnie told Memet to get the fuck out of there. He said he thinks he's a big shot because he won by one point. Memet said never bet against him. He said he's 10 steps ahead of all of them. Ronnie said this is what he's telling him. He said he just said 2 minutes ago that Brent was useless. He said he's a total asshole. Memet said he's going to spend his money on 2 ounces of weed. Howard said he won by one point. Chris said that Ronnie is a limp dick asshole. He said he won that one too. He said he loves Brent and Katelyn.
Howard wrapped up and asked if anyone wants to make a statement. Brent said that Ronnie and Stephanie are a lovely couple. Katelyn said that they should get a percentage of the winnings for winning that. Howard said he really did think that Ronnie was going to win that. Ronnie said someone has to lose. He said he's embarrassed.
Howard took a call from Triumphant Brent from the back office who said they're going to break in the titties tonight. He said it's going to be good. Howard congratulated him on his win.
Howard said that he hates having to pay Memet. Ronnie said he'll pay it for him. Howard said he'll pay his own bets. Brent asked if they've ever seen a more sore winner than Memet.
Howard asked why Ronnie won't say goodnight to Stephanie. Ronnie said she comes in bed and turns on the fucking TV. Howard said he gets it. Stephanie said she puts on a head set. Ronnie said he doesn't like the lights on. He said he hates that. Stephanie said he falls asleep anyway.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said it's ridiculous that they don't know each other. He said they should have to get more than one right to win. Brent said Ralph knows they know each other. Ralph said they should know how to answer those questions. Howard said he knows the answers for Beth. Stephanie said you can't judge them on a few stupid questions. Howard said he would clean the floor with both of them. Brent said it's funny that Ralph is giving relationship advice. He said he's just calling up to be an asshole. Howard said it's always great to play the Newly-Wet game. Robin said she's done. Ronnie said that they're sore losers. Howard said he lost money on him. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has to get his shit together because Mark Ronson is out there. Robin said that she was paying Memet out there but she didn't have enough money to pay him. Howard said remind him to never play the Newlywed game with him again. Howard said when you watch it on the app you have to watch Ronnie's face. He said the guys said it looked like he wanted to kill her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves what Beth does with the cat thing. He said Ronnie should take a step back. He said he sounds like Archie Bunker. Howard said his attitude is his whole thing. He said he does it with men and women. Howard said they were walking in this morning and he refused to say hello to him. He said Ronnie was staying quiet and the guy was laughing at him for not saying hello. He said you'd think he was on steroids or something and has roid rage. Howard said he apparently walks right by this guy every morning and doesn't say hi. He said people did that to him he'd hate them. He said that's just Ronnie's shtick. He said it's real though because he does it all day long. He said his wife thinks Ronnie doesn't like them because of that. He said he's a limo driver but he's a dick. He said he loves to be a dick. He said he does have a heart of gold in there somewhere though. He said he doesn't mean it but he has to say it.
Howard said Mark Ronson is there and he is the one who co-wrote that whole ''A Star is Born'' ''The Shallow'' song. He said that he's so nervous about this. He said this bit has gone haywire. He said he asked Fred to write a song for him and now this is happening. He said he asked him to wrote a song like a B-52s song. He said he likes that kind of thing.
Howard asked the guys to bring Mark in there. He said he's been asking for him for 10 minutes. Howard said he has produced some amazing songs and he's nervous about this. He said he wishes he had said no to this. Robin said this is like a photographer that gets you to do things you're uncomfortable doing.
Howard said he has to congratulate him on this Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper song. He said it's wild that he has a hit song. Mark said he's a very modest guy. He said it is crazy that he's at number 1. He said he texts him that and he has told him how amazing that is. He said he had one with Bruno Mars but Bradley has never had one. Howard said he knows Bradley and when he started shooting it he invited him to his home and showed him some clips of him singing and asked what he thinks. Howard said he was a judge on America's Got Talent so he checked it out. He said he told Bradley that he's pulling it off. He said that was pretty amazing. He said it sounded really good. Mark said it did. He said they did some stuff in the studio and Bradley wanted to see what his voice was like. He said he did a Green Day song and a Radiohead song. He said they were great. He said he loves music so much that it was a labor of love to get it right.
Howard asked who contacted him to do the song for the movie. Mark said that she has 80 percent of that stuff in her head. He said she has the voice and the visions. He said he had worked on her album Joann. He said that he worked with her on a couple of things. Howard asked if women come on to him because he's a good looking guy. Mark said he's married so no. Howard said he's sorry to hear that.
Howard said he'd think that it would get all the girls. Mark said he turns into the uncle or dad pretty quickly.
Howard asked if his first thought was about doing music with Bradley Cooper. He said he was like 6 percent there. He said he really liked Lady Gaga and he had a feeling this was going to be good. He said then Bradley comes in and he looks like a golden angel.
Howard asked if he calls Lady Gaga ''Gaga.'' He said he does. He said her name is Stephanie but he likes to call her Gaga because that's what people call her. Howard asked what her name is based on and if it's the Radio Gaga song. Mark said he thinks it is. Gary said it is.
Howard asked Mark about this song ''The Shallow'' and if it was about Bradley's drowning in the movie. Mark said Gaga comes to the piano and just starts going at it. He said she likes to sing into headphones. He said her voice is so special and nuanced and she can express so much in it. He said she had this song she hit and it was like magic. He said she came up with a couple of chords and then he came up with some stuff. Mark said about 80 percent of the song is there and he's just there to help.
Howard played some of the song and said it's a beautiful song. Mark said they thought they were going to use it in the end of the movie but they used it in the movie itself. He said they really made something special with it. Howard asked if their song will be this big. Mark said it'll be bigger. Howard said they might have to perform it at the Super Bowl. Mark said they can finish it by then.
Howard had the song playing and Mark said he can remember when she sang that song for the first time in the headphones. He said it's like a hug.
Howard asked if he thought about filming the song production. Mark said he has done that with the worst songs he's ever done. Howard said the song did turn out really well. He said now he's up for an Academy Award. Mark said he might go. Howard asked who speaks. Mark said Gaga will probably speak. Howard said he thought that Gaga was going to chop his head off when he spoke. Mark said he thought that he was the one to do it but Gaga looked like she didn't know what was going on.
Howard said Mark made the speech and he was watching Gaga and she got her ass right on the microphone. Mark said he was nominated to speak. He said she may not have known that.
Howard said the song is up for a Grammy too. Mark said Bradley is up for a best duet award and other things like that. He said that the song is up for so many awards.
Howard asked how they're going to do this song of his. He said that they have to have a plan. He said he's saying this. He said he yelled at Fred to write him a hit song. He said he has been sitting there 40 years not writing him a hit song. He said Fred went home and wrote a song that sounded reasonable to him. He said he was thinking he could sound like Fred Schneider in the B-52s. He said he doesn't want to do too much. He said he asked Gary to get him a young producer. He said he has no idea what the kids like. He said Gary called him and he said yes. He said he wasn't supposed to say yes. He said now he's all nervous. Mark said he grew up near K-Rock listening to the show. He said he got this text from Ross about giving him his number and he thought it was cool. He said that he sent him the Fred demo and it's cool. He said that he thinks they can make something pretty great. He said he loves Love Shack and the B-52s. Howard said he wants a hit song since so many other people have them.
Mark said they can do something. Howard said he has to make a deal. He said he was practicing last night. He said Beth was out thank god. Mark said that his experience is that everyone has a super power. He said Howard has a voice that everyone loves. He said he has to make that the star of the show. He said he has a desk so he sounds just like he does at his desk every day. He said he wants him to be himself. He said he can make up stuff and put them in the song. He said he went out and got some girls from the band Haim to sing some stuff for the song. Howard said let them do the heavy lifting. That's what he wants. Mark said they were in as soon as they heard it was for Howard.
Mark said they can do what Fred wrote or he can say what he wants. Howard said he's starting to get pumped up for it. He said he sees why he's a good producer. Howard said don't be uptight about directing him. He said he can leave his ego at the door. He said he has no ego. He said his parents took care of that. Mark said he doesn't have one either.
Howard said if they do this today and go in the studio and record and he gets the opposite reaction to Bradley and Gaga then they never have to release this song. Mark said that's fine. Howard asked if it's going to be Mark Ronson feat. Howard and Haim or what. Mark said it's however Howard wants it. Howard said he needs another Uptown Funk. Mark said that song took about 8 months to produce. Howard asked why that is. He played the song while Mark thought about it. Howard said if their song flops then put Fred's name at the top.
Howard asked if he knew the song was going to be a hit. Mark said they came up with the verse and they were never able to write anything as good as that first verse. He said they would go and jam in Bruno's studio. He said they'd do some stuff with drums and Bruno would sing like James Brown. He said it took 7 months to get that one right. Howard asked if this song could take that long. Mark said he has a good feeling about it. He said he thinks they can get it done today. Howard said he's already put in like 50 hours on this. Mark said he doesn't mind. He said that's his professional pride. He said Howard has a talent and he has to bring his and his just takes a few more hours.
Howard said he just thought they got this Uptown Funk out quick. He said he didn't know it was 8 months. Mark said it's something that sounds simple. He said that Bruno is a real perfectionist. He said that they wanted to put in all of this stuff to sound like something contemporary.
Mark said that he wants something fun in the song that people can yell out. He said that's what this whole song is going to be like.
Howard said Mark's biological dad and his mom are famous in their own right. Howard said he has met his mother a few times. Mark said his father managed bands so that was probably influence too. Howard asked if his mom met the guy from Foreigner and just ran off. Mark said he never really asked. He said he did like Mick. He said that Mick is great too. He said he would mess around making demos on his 8 Track. Howard said Mark must have gotten a good look at what it was like to write a song. Mark said it seemed pretty normal to him.
Robin said there are some inflections in his voice that make it sound like he's not from here. Mark said he can't stand his own voice. He said he moved back and forth so he has a voice that sounds like Kelly Osbourne on Sudafed.
Howard asked if Mick wrote ''I Wanna Know What Love Is'' for his mom. Mark said he did. Howard said that's a great song. Mark said that he remembers hearing those songs growing up so they're a big part of his youth.
Howard said his mom must have been head over heels. Mark said yeah. He said that Howard could get some of those lines in the song for his wife. Howard said he wants to know what love is.
Howard asked if it's hard growing up having a hot mom growing up. Mark said there were a lot growing up. Howard said that's so crazy.
Howard asked Mark to talk about Amy Winehouse. He played some of her song ''Rehab.'' Mark said that he wasn't a big shot producer at the time. He said someone asked him if he wanted to work with her and he liked her first album so he said he'd try it. He said that he and Amy came into the building at the same time. She said that she didn't know he was a younger guy. He said they got on like a house on fire from the start.
Howard said here has to be a vibe there. He said that 90 percent of his job is to have the right temperament. He said that it's a weird line. Mark said there are people who throw things around and he found that just being a good ear and open to anything is the way to do it. Howard said it's a weird thing. He said you have to have a meeting of the minds and have that vibe.
Howard said he'd be afraid of saying the wrong thing to someone like Amy Winehouse. Mark said you have to deal with a lot. He said the better the artist the crazier or complex they might be. He said Amy was so special right away. He said he had never made anything like what she wanted but it was a great experience.
Howard asked if she worked on Rehab with her. Mark said he did. He told Howard that she used to be kind of fucked up and she was drinking a lot. He said they tried to make her go to rehab and he said ''No, no, no...'' to her. He said he thought it was a funny anecdote but he thought there was something catchy there. He said that they went to the studio to give it a try. He said she said it with a rhythm and he said that ''no, no, no'' and they went back and just did it in the studio. He said she came back in 30 minutes with the words and music. He said it was kind of slow and blues like. He wanted to speed it up a bit. He said they went from there.
Howard asked if he laid down the drums and guitar. Mark said he may have but he's not great at drums. He said she had it on guitar. He said she was tickled that it worked. Mark said he was staying up all night trying to get things to work and that's what he does. Howard asked if that's what he's doing with his song. Mark said it is.
Howard said after that he worked with Bruno Mars and then Lady Gaga and now Miley Cyrus. Howard said she did that song while she was in there. Mark said he heard it. Howard played some of Mark and Miley's song ''Nothing Breaks a Heart.'' Mark said he was stalking her in a non threatening way. He said it took 4 years to make that happen. Howard said that was some outfit that she was wearing on Saturday Night Live that night they performed. Howard asked if he suggested not to do that. Mark said he's not her dad. Howard asked if the Saturday Night Live people told her not to wear it. Mark said she didn't wear it to rehearsal. He said he thinks she had them taped so they wouldn't come out.
Howard said he thinks that he's going to disappoint him today. Mark said he can't do that. He said that it's going to work great. Fred said Mark is like a movie maker and he's going to make it work. Fred said he's going to be great. Mark said Fred gave him some gold. Robin said she's trying to figure out how this is going to work. Mark said they can go bit by bit. He said it's like 3 minutes and they have some verses and the Haim girls are good. He said there are some cool bits in it. Howard said he's going to play off them. Howard said if they win a Grammy he has to stand back and let him speak. He said he'll smack him around.
Howard asked how you make money these days as a producer. Mark said he goes out as a DJ a lot too. He said that it's not the same as in the 80s but he's doing what he can. Howard said if this is a hit they can come out with a whole album. Mark said he was thinking about it. He said he has such a huge audience already. He said he's feeling like he really wants a hit so he's getting nervous. He said he met Natalie Maines and he shook her hand and she asked how the Howard song is coming. He said he met Jimmy Kimmel on Thursday and he asked how the Howard song is coming along. He said that they have to make a video. Howard said he might have to do Saturday Night Live and Coachella. Mark said he like the idea of the video he mentioned yesterday with the three of them in the pool.
Howard said Mark always had celebrities and musicians around the house. He said he heard that Paul McCartney saved his life once. Mark said his mother tells this story. He said he was in the ocean and his mom didn't notice and he thinks that Paul was the one who dragged him back. He said he worked with Paul on his new album and he vaguely remembered the story. He said that he wasn't able to charge him for any of the songs.
Howard said Daryl Hall and David Bowie used to be around his house. Mark said that Corey Hart was there. He said that he doesn't remember Bowie. He said he grew up a few doors down from Sean Lennon. He said Michael Jackson came into town and Sean had him over at his house so he was asked to go over. He said there was no weirdness going on. He said he remembers Michael being like a kid. He said he wanted to throw soggies out the window and stuff. He said he didn't tell anyone at school because it was embarrassing.
Howard asked if it's true that Robin Williams put him to sleep while he was on coke. Mark said there were a lot of drugs around his mom and the people around her. He said he went up to Robin about 20 years later and asked him about it. He said that Robin said he was there like every night and he remembered being there. Howard said one night he woke up and Bruce Springsteen was in his refrigerator getting a beer. Mark said he feels weird telling these stories but there would be people like that getting a beer in the middle of the night. Howard said MC Hammer taught him how to drive. Mark just laughed.
Howard said this is a very exciting day. He said later today he will be making a hit record with Mark Ronson. He said he can't wait to win a Grammy. He said please don't hog his moment. Mark said he won't. Howard said if this song isn't good then they're just going to bury it. Mark said he's fine with that. Robin asked if he'll be okay with JD filming it. Mark said that JD came over and filmed some stuff yesterday. He said he gave him full access. He said he didn't get much though. He said it was kind of boring actually. Howard said he asked JD how it was and he just mumbled and said he didn't take notes. JD said he did take notes for the footage. Howard said JD said he didn't take any. JD said it was more about visions and conversations. He got all upset and said ''god damn it...'' and turned off his microphone.
Howard said he and Mark will be doing this today in under 2 hours. He said he's not going to waste a lot of time on this. He said it's going to go down in 2 hours. Howard gave Mark some plugs for the songs he's worked on.
Howard said maybe he should warm up his voice. He had the music for ''Black Hole Sun'' and sang some of that. Howard said they're in trouble. Mark said he can hold a tune. He said that yesterday. Mark said Robin is part of this too. Robin had no idea. Howard said he's going to meet Mark later to do this. Robin asked what he wants to add to the song. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he's going to get in there and just wing it. Mark said that's all he needs. Howard went to break after that. Fred played Mark's stepfather (in Foreigner) playing something on their show from 1992.
Howard said he has to get out of there on time so they had better get to the news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said Mark is really nice. He said he's so afraid of upsetting him with his singing. Robin said that would be terrible. Robin said she doesn't think that's going to happen. She said it sounds like he has it set up. Howard said he did say it's idiot proof but he is a moron. He said he's going to get in there and sing his heart out. Robin said she wants hi to let go. Howard said he will. He said he did hold back on the American Nightmare song. He said he told Fred to be in there. Robin said he should be. She said Fred wrote the song. Fred said Mark has the vision and he's there to help in any way he can. Howard said once he has a hit song he's done. He said he'd have done it all.
Robin started her news with a story about the Super Bowl and what people are saying about the game. Howard said he'll be watching it. Howard said he hates the people who say they won't watch it like Richard. Howard said just watch it. Robin said it's the last game of the season. Robin said they are worried about the cold snap moving across the country. Robin said the game is in Atlanta but they're worried about that. Robin said the cold weather is already affecting some of the northern states. Robin said it's going to keep moving across the country in the next weeks. Robin said it's not cheap to go to the game. She said people have to stay there and they may end up cancelling plans.
Howard said the Wrap Up Show is broadcasting from radio row at the Super Bowl. Howard said he had a list of people who have never played the Super Bowl. Gary and Howard went over that list.
Robin read a story about how it can cost from $3,000 to $15,000 to get into the game. Robin read some details about what it can cost to go there.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who said thanks for replaying the birthday bash. He said it was good to hear that. He asked if Beth is getting more turned on with this song thing. Howard said Beth doesn't even know he's doing it. He said he probably told her and she wasn't listening. Howard said Mark has gone way overboard with the song already. He said he's gotten Haim and The Roots to records stuff for him. He asked if it's too late to back out. Robin said it is. Mike said he'll prove he's the true King of All Media if he has a hit song. Howard said he might give it to Cousin Brucie. He did his Brucie impression for a short time.
Robin read more about the upcoming Super Bowl and the press conference they're having about it today. Robin said a lot of people will be asking about the non call from the playoff game. Howard said they don't see everything. He said they have to change the rules if they want to let the coaches challenge the calls.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said he has a strange feeling that he's hiding from him. Howard said he's not wrong but the last times he called he gets annoyed with him. Ed asked if he's too hard core for the show. Howard said he doesn't mind that. Robin said they mind him not getting to the point. Howard said yesterday he got annoyed and Gary said he loves when Ed is on. He said Gary gets annoyed with Jeff the Vomit Guy. He said that he loves the guy. He said Ed just annoys him. He said he never gets to the point. Gary said he's a pain in the ass and Howard's annoyance is what makes him laugh. Ed asked if it has to do with his relationship with Dr. Trump. Howard asked who that is. Ed said it's the President. Ed said he's an ordained minister so he can say that. Howard asked what relationship he has with Trump. Ed said he has it on Twitter. Howard said he has to get out of there but he'll take his call tomorrow. He said sit there on hold waiting for him. Howard said that guy gets on his nerves. He hung up on him and moved on. Howard asked who would even know he has a relationship with ''Dr. Trump.'' Robin said he hasn't even mentioned him in any of these calls.
Robin said she doesn't get people who win the lottery like someone with a great voice has a big career. She said that Mariah Carey is performing in Saudi Arabia. Howard said maybe she needs money. Howard said they just got accused of killing a journalist. Robin said women can't do anything over there without permission from a man. Robin said people are urging her to cancel. Robin said DJ Tiesto is over there and she's performing alongside him. Howard asked what she's getting paid. Robin said that they don't say. Howard said he thinks she'll back out.
Robin read a story about Apple turning off group Facetime after a security flaw happened. Robin said they're saying that you should disable Facetime if you have it. She said there's some kind of flaw and people have figured out how to make the call and before it's registered it enables the audio before anyone knows you're on. Howard said he hates Facetime. He said his kids like to use it but he hates it. Howard said he keeps the camera on the wall while he's on it. He said he doesn't want his kids seeing his face. Robin said the age of privacy is gone. She said that's what they should realize from this. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who helped out with the Facetime thing. He said it's only the group Facetime that has the flaw. Robin said they're saying that you should disable all Facetime. Ralph said the reason that people are abandoning the Super bowl is because one team shouldn't be there. He said it's meaningless. Robin said the whole thing is meaningless. Ralph said Robin doesn't know the game. Howard said Ralph will watch. Ralph said the Saints should be playing, not the Rams. Gary said this stuff happens all the time. He said Brent is a Saints fan and he's going to watch. Ralph said Brent barely even knows his own wife. Howard said they have to change the rules. He said he already talked about it earlier.
Howard took a call from MBS the prince of Saudi Arabia who told him why he thinks Mariah should perform there. He asked Howard to come perform there too. Howard said he won't be there. MBS wanted Robin to be his wife. Robin said she might have to go to live in luxury the last years of her life. Howard hung up on fake MBS.
Robin read a story about a Lyft driver from Tempe, Arizona being stabbed to death. Robin said the suspected killer was a passenger. Robin said he stabbed her with a kitchen knife. Howard said that blows.
Robin said there was a story about a woman from Connecticut who had a stroller she was pushing on a subway and she fell to her death in the subway in Manhattan. Robin said that the kid was fine. Howard said Robin is bumming him out before his recording session.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she is so bummed about Ronnie. She said they need a rematch. She was going on and on but Howard hung up on her. Howard said they all feel awful about Ronnie.
Robin read a story about a housekeeper who got stuck in an elevator for the whole weekend. The owner of the home was out of town so she had no one to call. Howard said you'd think she'd call the police. Robin said those phones in the elevator may not call that. Robin said the woman was rushed to a hospital and she's expected to be okay. Robin said this was in a private home so it may not have had a phone in it. Robin said those elevators aren't that big and to be stuck that long has to be tough. Robin said she was suffering from dehydration.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's distressed by the Lyft driver who got stabbed. He said Howard has to spread the word that when someone gets in your car it's your vehicle. He said you can sense like anyone and if something is up then right away you refuse the ride. His phone kept cutting out. Fred played a gargling voice. Howard asked what goes on with their show. He said his fucking phone bombed out.
Robin read a story about El Chapo announcing that he will not testify in his own case. Robin had some updates on his case that's going on.
Robin read a story about the government shutdown that cost the U.S. economy about $3 billion. Howard said they say it can go as high as 5 billion. Robin said they say that 11 billion was lost but 8 billion is expected to be recovered. Howard said that's unbelievable. Robin said the people who worked will get paid but the businesses that were hit will not get paid.
Robin read a story about how the President is all for teaching bible literacy in public schools. Howard said he is not. He said he's just cow towing to those religious fanatics. He said you have to separate church and state. Robin said he's giving him a lot of credit. Howard said Donald know models, not the bible. He said he doesn't care about any of that stuff.
Howard took a call from fake Donald Trump who said the government shutdown was loved by people. He said they're planning a bigger one for sweeps. Howard said he did end it after 35 days. Trump said it has nothing to do with that sea hag Pelosi. He asked if he has a better name for her than that. Howard said he didn't think about it. Fake Trump came up with more awful names for her. Howard kept him on for a couple more minutes.
Robin read a story about Trump giving his State of the Union address on February 5th. Robin said he has been invited to do that.
Robin read a story about Trump asking where the global warming is and how he wants it back so we can get some warmer temperatures across the country. Robin had some audio of a news guy talking about the 100 below temperatures across the country. Robin said they tell people not to take deep breaths outside because of the extreme cold.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Ralph calls in when he thinks he knows everything about something. He said they were talking about The Sopranos thing and Ralph called in about that. Howard said Ralph will watch the Super Bowl. He said don't believe the hype. He said he has had bad calls before. Gary said that Brent is more mad at the coach for making the calls he was making than over the missed call. Howard said Ralph lays out his clothes so don't read too much into what he says.
Robin read a story about President Trump being interviewed on Super Bowl Sunday. Robin said it will air on Sunday at 10:30am. Howard said he hopes they ask him who the hottest Hollywood actresses are. He said no one ever asks him that. He said that he wants to know who the three best looking women in the world are other than Ivanka.
Robin read a story about how Michael Cohen is going to testify on Capitol Hill next week. Robin said that Roger Stone is saying his arrest was connected to the Mueller probe and a raw abuse of power. Robin had some audio of him talking about that and about the FBI storming his house. He said his wife and dogs were terrified from the storming of his house.
Ralph called back in and said that caller was an idiot who can't comprehend anything. He went back to the call at the game and said that cost them the game.
Robin asked if there should be a law about teachers having sex with their students. Howard said he has to think about that. He said yes pretty quickly. He said there should be a law. Robin said that's even when they're above the age of consent. Howard said yes. Robin read about a law they're looking to put in place in Montana.
Robin read a story about some major breakthroughs in medicine. Robin said they think they have found a complete cure for cancer in Israel. Robin had some details about that. Robin said this company has a cancer cure that will be effective from day 1. Howard said maybe all of the anti-Semites will get over that now. Robin said they will not. She said they still go to Jewish doctors while hating the Jews. Robin said this treatment would work and could be stopped within weeks. She said it's called MuTaTo. She said they hope to have it available in a few years.
Howard had a guy on the phone who said he's still against the Jews even after that cure was found. it was one of the guys in the back playing Mohammed who said he will never forgive the Jews.
Robin read a story about Ted Bundy still charming people from beyond the grave. Robin said he had girlfriend all the time he was killing people. She said the Netflix special was something. She said that people have taken to social media to fawn over him and write fan fiction. Robin read about a movie that was made about him with Zac Efron playing Ted Bundy. Robin read about the killings the guy did and how sick he was. Robin said he was really ritualistic. Robin said they based some of the Silence of the Lambs stuff on Ted Bundy. Howard said he would have sex with the corpses until the smell was too bad. He said how about that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how you'd think after this song he'd never go back into a recording studio to make a record. He said there he was yesterday. Robin said she was thinking about him all afternoon. Howard asked where Fred was. Fred said he was down by the mixing board. He said he was sitting with JD while he was laughing like a dolphin.
Howard said he worked with Mark Ronson yesterday and had no idea what he was doing. He said he went full Robin and opened it up. He said he was singing like she would. Fred said he was good. Howard said he didn't think so. He said he laid down his tracks though. He said once this song goes to number 1 he doesn't want to hear it. He said Mark thinks he got enough after one take. He said he was in there for 2 hours singing his heart out. He said he has no music ability. He said he felt pressure from Mark working with Lady Gaga, Amy Winehuose and Bruno Mars. He said he was going to sit in the other room but then he sat in the studio with him. He said they were writing lines and all of that. He said Mark told him he was in the groove and he was very supportive. Robin said he's like one of those guys who tells you that you look great when you're getting your picture taken.
Howard said he cut a bunch of tracks and Mark said he can hear the song now. He said he had 30 verses and he only needed 30 seconds. He said he used some of Fred's lyrics, some of his own and some of the staff writer lyrics. Fred said they were laughing their asses off in there.
Howard said he was scribbling lyrics down last night. He said if it doesn't work out he has more to use. He said he may give that to Mark. He said he's not used to that sitting in a studio singing. He said he has to feel it out.
Fred said he thinks he'll be surprised about what he comes back with. Howard said he sang his heart out. Fred played a bunch of Robin singing clips. Robin said you have to close your eyes. She said that's the secret. Howard said he did that. He said thanks to Fred and Mark Ronson. Fred said he thinks they have a great partnership. He said he thinks that Mark might do more with him. He said he should submit this song for a Grammy before it's even out. He said he knows it's good. Fred said it can be a comedy song or best song of the year or even best spoken word.
Howard said he did channel some of his William Shatner. Fred said why not Howard to win a Grammy.
Howard said they had the band Haim helping out with the song. He said they had The Roots horns section too. They had Vampire Weekend on there too. He said there are like 87 musicians involved in this. Robin said he never stopped talking about who he had working on this song. Howard said there are a lot. Gary said he also mentioned reaching out to Slash to do a guitar part. Howard said that's good.
Howard said he got up at 3 in the morning and wrote more lyrics too. He said he had more musicians involved than were at Woodstock.
Howard said they were intriguing to him. He said he used to have issues with his asshole too. He said that he used to have his own techniques. Howard asked if Ed used to shit in a bucket too. Ed said he is in a senior citizen house now. He said he's turning 47 in August. Howard asked how he's in there. Ed said you're a senior at 50 or 55. Howard asked how he got in there. Ed said he's sleeping on his mother's couch. He said he's moving into a trailer park. Howard said he has to move into his own place. He said that can be a nice place to live. He said Jeff the Drunk doesn't have a horrible place. He said it's better than living with your mother at 47.
Ed said he has to hide his jerking off. He said he goes into the bathroom. Robin said he's 12 again.
Howard said Shuli has some interesting stuff about Ed. He said he's losing interest in him lately so he has to have him in. Shuli said you have to keep him on the rails sometimes. He said he's living on his mom's couch and living in a party van too. Howard asked if he's on SSI. Ed said he has been on it for 19 years. Shuli said the last place he lived was a retirement community and they had emergency switches because he'd get so drunk and bump into it and set it off. Ed said this one has it too. Howard said he's still not that interested in him. Shuli said he met a new chick in the psych ward. Howard said he doesn't care about him and he's not sure why. Robin said she lost interest in him years ago.
Ed said there's a news anchor who is hot for Howard. Howard asked what he was in the psych ward for. Ed said he had paranoia, schizophrenia and some other things. Howard said maybe it's the lack of energy that gets to him.
Howard asked if an anchor woman really mentioned him. Ed asked if he can mention her name. Howard said go ahead. He said her name is Melissa Holmes and she's from the local WGRZ affiliate up where he lives. He said he's in western New York. Howard asked what she said about him. Ed said she wants to fuck Howard but she has a husband. Howard said that was as good as Tom Brady saying he listens to him.
Howard said Ed has so low energy. He did an impression of him and tried talking to him as Ed. He said that he wants to see how he likes listening to himself. Ed said he doesn't sound like that at all. Shuli laughed. Howard said he's Ass Napkin Sloth. Ed asked what sloth means. Howard said it's like a slug but cuter. Howard asked what medications he's on. Ed said he hasn't been taking his medications. Howard said that's a good idea. Ed told Shuli to tell him what his IQ is up around. Howard said he's part turtle. Howard made a snoring sound saying he's in dream land. He said he's like a sleepy Cousin Brucie.
Howard said he hasn't had a pulse in 6 years. He said he's almost dead. Ed said he had his checked and it's down to 60. Howard said his is at -12. He said his name is Ass Napkin Van Winkle.
Howard asked where they're going with this. Ed said he wants to talk to him more. Ed said someone wrote something in a book about him. He asked if he can mention the book. Howard said he's entering the rigor mortis part of this. Ed asked why he would say that because he has a TBI. Howard said h just broke character. Ed said he hit his head on a Greyhound Bus and now he has a TBI. Robin asked how he hit his head. Ed said he was on something but he wont say what. His voice trailed off. Ed said he was on opioids. Howard said he is too. He said he was so out of it worms ate him alive. He said he was standing outside and the worms crawled sown his body and started eating him. He was doing all of this in his Ed impression.
Ed asked if Howard has ever lived in an apartment building. Howard said in 2009 he slept through all of 2009.
Ed said he has a 40 IQ. Howard said he has 2 40s so it's 80. Howard asked if Ed wants to talk to this guy on the phone. Ed said sure. Howard took a call from a guy who said this is his best show in years. He was doing his Ed impression too. He told Howard to slow down. He said this is a good pace for him. He said it's so fast in the background. Ed let out a sigh.
Howard was still doing Ed's voice and said he hasn't lifted his head up in 20 years. Ed asked if this is supposed to be him. Howard said no. Robin said this is Rip Van Ass Napkin. Howard said he had a horrible thought. He said he hopes the nurses aide doesn't get him pregnant. Ed said he's trying to have a baby. Robin asked how he's doing that. Howard asked if this is a long talk. Ed asked how you have it. He asked if it's in the front part. He said that's where you do it. He said it's the business end.
Howard asked Super Low Energy guy what he thinks. He asked Ed to slow down. Howard said this is the most activity he's had in decades.
Howard said he thinks he gave birth to a snail. He said that's from the front parts. Howard was doing all of this in his Ed voice. He was talking really slow.
Howard asked if they want to hear from Super Slow Motion guy. Ed said sure. Ed said that his medication may make him sound different. Howard said he's fine. Howard said he has bed sores the size of hubcaps. He asked if they want to talk to Super Slow Motion Guy. Robin said yes. Howard took the call and they had one of the guys in the back dragging out his words for seconds at a time. Ed said he doesn't sound like that. He asked ''Where's the fire?'' really slow.
Howard said lets slow down and give Ed a chance. Ed said this is because they're in New York and they think they're smarter than him. Super Low Energy Guy asked if he can get this slow guy's number. He said he's a slow-mophobe.
Howard said this is wiping him out. Ed asked if he can promote his new book. Howard said he'll take a vote among the slow. Howard asked Super Duper Slow Motion Guy. He said ''Fuck that book'' really slow. Howard asked Super Slow Energy Guy and he was sleeping. Howard said no one wants to hear about the book. Ed mentioned it saying it's called ''Phantom Messages.'' He got in some plugs for the author and had to repeat it even though he was already saying it slowly.
Howard asked if the Super Low Energy Guy has a book. He said it's called ''Slow Down You Move Too Fast.'' Howard said it sounds like a real page turner. Super Slow Motion Guy had a book called ''The time I went to the store and got some ice cream...'' He was going on and on and then fell asleep.
Howard asked Ed what the book is about. Ed said his name in the book is ''Ed Dablino.'' He said it's in chapter 3. Howard said he can't take this. He stopped doing the voice.
Ed said that Shuli said he would give him an IQ test. Shuli said Ed said he could beat anyone there. He said that he didn't agree to give him one. Ed asked if he can call on Monday. Super Slow Mo guy said ''Nooo.'' Howard said call them in 2030. He thanked everyone for their calls. Howard was back to his regular voice. Howard said that wasn't too much hard work. He said if you want to do this just call in. He said that he'll just keep doing this. He said he has to get out of this business. He asked what happened to interesting callers. Robin said maybe he wasn't on medication when he used to call in. Howard said maybe that's it. He said he was just honest about his ass stuff. He said he liked that. Shuli said he has had a lot of interesting stuff. Howard asked if this turns Shuli on. Shuli said he likes Ed. Howard said he likes him. Shuli said he likes him as part of the show. Howard said he finds it a lot of work. Gary said the guys in the back about 1 out of the 20 would care of they didn't talk to him again. The other 19 wouldn't care. Fred said he's looking at this book and he doesn't see Ed's name.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he spit coffee out when he heard him say he has the IQ of part turtle. Howard said Benjy said that he'd be into a real conversation with Ed. Robin said then he can call him. Shuli said that Ed might be one who would bore Benjy into getting off the phone. Howard said they have a lot to get to so he's going to take a break. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said they went to bed at 6:45 and started watched The Bachelor. He said they finished around 7:30. He said they don't watch the segments where they say ''coming up next.'' He said they skip the commercials too. Robin said just get Hulu and they don't have commercials. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said he loves what he has. Robin said she loves Hulu.
Howard said the Super Bowl kickoff is at 6:30. He said he has to get up early the next morning.
Howard said some angry Saints fans produced a song about being upset and it gives you douche chills. He said he gets they're upset but come on.
Howard played the song and said it's a bunch of white people rapping. He said he loves it when white people rap about stuff like this. He said black people do songs about the cops being after them and these people are doing a song about being robbed at a football game. Howard said that line ''Who dat'' started at minstrel shows. He said it sounds racist. Gary said Brent said it's Cajun. Howard played more of the song and said ''Oy vey.'' He said they all look like douche bags in the video for this song. He said the name of the group is The Whiners.
Howard said Senator Bill Cassidy went in front of the senate to complain about the call. Howard played a clip of this senator talking about the call. He said the state is very upset about this blown call in the game. Howard said this guy did this during the government shutdown. Cassidy said they should get answers about this. Howard asked if this is how the senate works. Robin said it is the house of debate. She said you put issues in the record.
Howard said that this coach Sean McVay can remember every play he has ever called. He said that you can ask about it and he remembers it verbatim. He play a clip from a show where they asked McVay what happened during a game from years ago. He was able to remember all of the details. They asked him about a second game and he had all of the details. They asked him about a third game and Sean was able to remember all of the details of that game too.
Howard said he wants presidential candidates that can do that. Robin said no you don't. Howard said you have instant memories of what you've done wrong and right. He said in the middle of a game you can make some call and go back and remember. He said then it must be a curse when you're trying to go to sleep. He said that it must haunt people when they remember all of the bad calls. Robin said things that you fail at stick in your head. Howard said he remembers every time Gary fucked up the show.
Howard asked Robin to name a date and he'd tell her what happened on the show. She threw out some dates and Howard made up the stuff that happened on the show. He was naming some Gary screw ups and things like that.
Howard said he was blown out by that whole thing. Robin said it's interesting but she hasn't seen anyone who does anything with it worthwhile. Robin said Marilou Henner isn't doing anything with it. Howard said she was in Taxi, give her a break.
Howard said the Super Bowl is the most watched event of the year. He said he will watch it so he's in touch with the people. Robin said tons of people have parties. She said TV sales go up at this time of year. She said people want to see the game on big screens.
Howard said they went on the street and asked people if they watched the Super Bowl and the first two people made up details about the game. Howard said this is crazy. Howard played the clip and Sal was asking people what they thought of the game. The first guy was saying it was a top notch game. He was making stuff up about what happened and how Van Halen played ''Enter the Sandman'' at the game. He even had a score for the game.
Howard said that Robin missed a great half time show. He said David Lee Roth took a shit in the field. Howard played another clip of a woman making up details about the game that hasn't happened yet. She was making up plays that were her favorite. Robin said at least she had the teams right.
Howard wondered what's up with that and why they make up lies like that. Howard said if someone asked if he watched the game he'd just say no.
Howard said Tom Brady was on SiriusXM and said he listens to this show all the time. Howard said that's cool. He said he has been rooting for Tom Brady for a long time now and he has to stay with that. Howard asked why they can't get him on the show. Gary said they had him booked and then Deflate Gate happened. He said he hasn't been able to get him since. Howard said they'll get him some day.
Howard played the clip where Tom was on this show saying he listens to Howard all the time. Robin said that was very nice. Howard read that he was up there and took a tour and he knew all of the staff names.
Howard said he finds it amazing that this guy can still pull off these wins even under pressure. He said he thinks it's fascinating. Howard said Richard won't watch the game because he didn't like that the Chiefs and Eagles aren't in the game. He said it's stupid not to watch. He said that you're not a real fan of football if you don't watch.
Howard said he has to play something before he gets to the bets. He said that Mad Dog Russo blew a fuse on his show. He asked if he gets that mad. Gary said he does. He said if you listen to his show he gives you the answers to this quiz and he gets angry if people get them wrong. Howard said most people don't listen to every bit of your show. He said even people who listen to his show don't know everyone's name. He said people think Robin is Robin Givens. He said most people don't know every detail of the show. He said Mad Dog has to know that. Robin said he must need not to know. Howard said he goes berserk on his show.
Howard played a clip of Mad Dog asking a question and the caller didn't know the answer. Mad Dog took another call and asked a question and the guy didn't know the answer. Mad Dog was screaming at people to do their homework. Howard said he's going to have a stroke.
Howard played another clip where Mad Dog was yelling at more callers about not knowing the answers. He said that they have to pay attention. He was screaming as he was ending his show. He said you have to do your homework.
Howard said Rob Gronkowski had a message for Robin. He asked if he has ever played that. Gary said he has. Howard played it again anyway. He said something about Robin's boobies. Howard said he likes to talk about his favorite number 69. Gary said he's been getting in trouble for doing that lately.
Jon had some prop bets for Howard to check out. He went through the bets that he had like how many people will watch the game. He had an over/under for that. Howard said they say people are losing interest in the NFL. He said that New England and the Rams are big cities. He said he would take the under on that. Jon said he would take the over.
Howard asked Jon what else he has. Jon had some over under bets for how many times the hosts will say ''Hot-Lanta'' or ''Dynasty.'' Jon explained to Howard how the bets work and what he'd have to bet on them.
Jon had more prop bets for Howard. He said the half time show bets are the good ones. He said Maroon 5 is the band playing. Robin said that they're not going to be part of the press conference because of the controversy over them playing. Howard said he should just do it. Gary said the story is that the NFL canceled it. Robin said that they say the acts will make their statement during the show. Howard said maybe Adam will take a knee. Robin said maybe they'll change the lyrics.
Jon said this one is tricky. He said you wonder what they'll open the show with. Howard said he could call Adam and ask. Robin said that's not fair. Howard said they can make a million on this. Robin said that's like insider trading. Howard said if he can get some inside info they could make a fortune. He said they must have done rehearsals. Jon said yes. He said there are odds that have changed. He said there's one that's at even money. Howard asked what the song is. Jon said that ''Makes Me Wonder'' is at even money. Howard played some of that song. Robin said she would not open with that. Howard said he wouldn't either. He said they're not opening with that.
Jon said that ''One More Night'' is after that one. Howard played that song too. He said there's no way they're going to use that one either. Howard said they should call Adam now and get the answer and put money down. Howard asked what the other ones are. Jon said ''Sugar'' is 9-1. Howard played that song and wondered if they would do that. He said no way. Jon said maybe ''Animals.'' Howard played that and said that's one that they'd open with. Robin said she's holding out. Howard played ''Girls Like You'' and Robin said ''Nah.'' Jon said ''Moves Like Jagger'' is 6-1. Jon said that Christina Aguilera could show up and they won't do that for the first song. Howard said he should open with Purple Rain. Fred played a door banging drop over that song.
Howard said it would be great if Mick Jagger came out and danced around during that song. He said he must be flattered by that song. Howard was waiting for Christina's voice to come into that song. Howard asked if that's her. Robin said no. Howard said if he was Adam he would have Caitlyn Jenner out there. Howard finally heard the Christina Aguilera part. He let that play for a few before cutting it off.
Howard said he thinks that if Adam and his wife went to a swinger's club they'd get someone immediately. He said he hopes that Adam has a wardrobe malfunction and shows his penis.
Jon went through more of the Maroon 5 songs with Howard. They played ''Payphone'' and Howard said he likes that one. He played some other Maroon 5 songs. Howard said this is a silly bet. Jon said the thing he wants to find out from Adam is if he'll wear a hat at the start of the show. Howard asked if he does that. Jon said he sometimes wears it in concert so...
Howard wondered if Jon Hein would eat over 3000 calories during the game. Jon said that will be over. He said he doesn't snack a lot but during half time they'll have a dinner. Howard said he should have Chinese. Jon said they'll have pizza or something. Howard said he's having 3 teaspoons of Gelato.
Jon went through more bets with Howard about the soft drink commercial that will air first and things like that. Howard said some people know the answers to these bets. He said someone could make a fortune.
Jon said that Gladys Knight will be performing the National Anthem. He said that the over under on that is 1 minute 45. Howard said he would bet the over on that.
Jon said he has a bet on a player taking a knee during the National Anthem. Howard said he says no. Jon said he has one about the color of the Gatorade that will be poured on the winning coach. Howard asked why the team won't be billionaires by just picking it and betting on it. Jon said there are bets on what color shirt Adam will wear. Howard said this isn't illegal to know this stuff and just bet on it. He asked how they can have this. He said there are too many people in the know.
Howard said he has a bet, who is hotter, Adam Levine or Tom Brady. Fred picked Adam. He said he saw a perfume ad with him in it and he's looking very good.
Jon said the last one is the number of commercials that will have a dog in it. He said it's and over/under at 5.5. Howard wondered if Tom and Adam ever get together with their wives. He said that he'd love to see them go down on each other. He said he's talking about Tom and Adam. He said he would benefit oh so much if he could see that.
Howard said he has Jon Hein on the phone to talk about what he will eat during the super Bowl. The guys in the back called in with clips from Jon's audio book. The had Jon just naming one food after another. They just kept the clips playing for a minute.
Howard asked what a Baconzilla is. Jon said it's a special burger but he can't remember who makes it. Fred said it's Checkers. Jon said that's right. He thanked Fred for letting him know. Jon on the phone went on and on with more food. Howard said thanks to both Jon's. Jon said they will be in Atlanta doing the Wrap Up Show live at 1 on Friday. Gary said they'll be talking to Robert Kraft. Jon said they'll have a bunch of other guests. Gary said they will have Patrick Mahomes on the show. He said Richard is excited about that. He said Richard says if his son was born now he'd name him Patrick after Patrick Mahomes. Howard said just change the name now.
Howard asked why they're going to be at the game anyway. Gary said that it's Sirius who wanted them down there. He said they're paying for everything. Howard said it's weird that they're going to be there. Robin said it's just as weird as going to CES. Howard said it is. He said they're supposed to talk about his show. Gary said they talk to their guests about Howard. Jon said Howard's song with Mark Ronson will be a big discussion. Howard said that song may not be done for months.
Jason came in and said that they have meetings that have been canceled over this Wrap Up Show going to the Super Bowl. He said he's just wondering what the show is now. Howard said Gary has something planned. He said just tune in. Howard said they have his permission to not talk about him at the game. He said they can ask about other stuff too. He said that they may not know who Ass Napkin Ed is.
Howard said Jon looks like he wants to strangle Jason for asking about that. Jason said he knows. He said if Jon was a good broadcaster he would let that out on the air. He said he's passive aggressive and he won't let it out on the air. Howard said he will tune in even if Jason doesn't want them there. They went to break after Fred played Robin singing the National Anthem.
Howard asked if they should talk to him for 2 seconds about this. Robins said he has to know it's inappropriate to wear the same pants every day. Howard said even homeless people get new pants. He said his teeth are falling out of his head and he's proud of this.
Richard came in and said you freeze it and Febreeze it. Richard said he puts them in the freezer every few months. He said if you wash them it breaks down the fibers. He said they're a couple hundred dollars each. Howard said in 5 years he can't get a new pair. Richard said they are falling apart.
Howard asked if he owns a suit. Richard said he does. Howard said he has that and the pants. Richard said pretty much. Howard said he's disgusting. Howard said he's not the cleanest guy in the world but he washes his pants. He said his wife would throw him out of the house. Richard said his wife gets annoyed about the jeans in the freezer. He said he's always wearing them so she can't throw them out. Howard said she must mind. Richard said she really doesn't.
Howard said Richard is a fucking maniac. Gary said no one is buying that you put them in the freezer to kill germs. He said that it would neutralize them but it won't get rid of them. Howard said just wash them. Richard said they told him to do this at the store. Howard said that's disgusting. He said he shit his pants at work and he still wears them. Richard said he had underwear on.
Howard asked Sal if this grosses him out. Sal came in and said that it is strange but he doesn't mind. Howard said freezing doesn't kill all germs. Howard said there's a story about how freezing them doesn't kill the germs.
Sal said Richard splatters his pants with wet, gushy farts every day multiple ties. Howard said you work with people so wash them. Richard said they don't stink. Howard said just wash them. He said he works in a corporate environment. He said come on.
Sal said he'll shit his pants more than they think he does. He said he will fart and waddle out to the bathroom. Richard said he has underwear on. He said he might just get new jeans. Howard said he was voted into the top 10 drummers of all time or something. Richard said that's true. Howard said he didn't make a dime drumming. Richard said he was on some legendary Metal albums. Richard kept thanking him but Howard said he's not complimenting him.
Howard asked if he listened to his recording session. Richard said he did and he was vibing with the song really well from what he heard. He said his kind of singing was kind of percussive. He said it was good. Howard asked what jeans cost. Richard said he's particular about his jeans. He said these are like sweats. He said they're Diesel jeans. Howard said just get a new pair. He said he'd drop that kind of money on beer. Richard said that's true. Howard told him to get out of there.
Howard said Richard shares an office with Steve Nowicki who says that Richard is always farting and going to the bathroom in those jeans. He said just wash them.
Howard said nature wants to get rid of you. He said that once you're obsolete these diseases want to get rid of you. He said medical science is fantastic. He said that to be so arrogant to think that you don't have to get vaccines is rude. He said that these disease are making a comeback now because of these dummies. He said he talked to his father about the depression and the horrible things that were going around. He said his father had Scarlet fever. He said he got lucky and lived.
Howard said the President has to knock this shit off about global warming. He said that he's joking about the cold and how they need global warming to come back. Howard said Donald is no scientist, trust him. He said that Donald is being selfish. He said that we're destroying the planet as we speak. Howard said they open up whales that are filled with plastic that's choking them to death. He said it's ridiculous to say you know more than scientists. He said the free press is another thing. He said you have to be insane to not want a free press. He said these fucking dummies are willing to give up their freedom.
Howard said Beetlejuice wouldn't have been alive in olden times. He said scientists know science, not Donald Trump. He said these anti-vaccination fuckers can go fuck themselves right now.
Howard said he wouldn't be alive if he didn't have medical science. He said he'd have died 20 years ago. Robin said she was watching a show about olden days and this 18 year old had to get out of the house because half his life was over. She said that's what it used to be like.
Howard said Ronnie has lived 4 lifetimes. Robin said he makes some good points about the dumb people in this country. Howard said there are people who think that there is no global warming.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the measles thing come from areas where illegal immigrant are coming in. He said that no one is checking anyone. Howard said maybe he's right. Robin said that's why you should get your vaccine.
Howard said Richard and Sal made a new prank call to a religious show. He said they confessed something on the show. Howard played it and Richard and Sal called in saying they were addicted to prank calls. They played some of their calls for the host of the show. They confessed some of their funny calls and the host was laughing at some of them. They told the guy he'd make a great prank call too. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said Erik used to have his own YouTube channel and the guys used to call in and fuck with him. He played a clip of the guys messing with Erik. They called in and thanked Erik for the night before where he sucked the guy's dick. Erik said he doesn't need those fucking asshole calls. Erik took another call from the same guy who asked more questions about gay stuff. Erik said he doesn't need those kind of calls. He was asking how everyone is doing and talked about changing the clocks back. He was looking for a nail clipper too. Erik took another call from someone who asked if he ever gets fungus under his balls. Erik had some lame comebacks for him. He just repeated what the guy was asking.
Howard said that's some show. He said there's a lot of action. He asked if Robin wants more. Robin said she thought that's all they had. Howard said he wasn't very nice to his real callers. He said that a woman was worried about him but all he wanted was to hear her orgasm sound. He played the clip and the caller said she's worried about him. Erik asked if she's married and if she's had sex before. She said of course. Erik asked to hear her orgasm. She said no and asked more questions but Erik just hung up on her and said she sounds like a Yenta.
Howard did his impression of Erik asking her the sex questions. He said he's a morbidly obese shock jock.
Howard said in this one Erik is clipping his nails in the middle of the show. Robin said that's what he was talking about earlier. Howard said he found the clippers. He said he can't do that while he's doing a show. He said he has to concentrate. Howard played the clip and Erik was on the phone with someone and clipping his nails at the same time. Erik was giving advice on who to vote for in his city. Erik went off on De Blasio for being a piece of shit there in New York.
Howard said Erik is always blasting De Blasio but he's not even sure why. He said he has a cop friend who told him to hate the guy so he does. Howard did more of his Erik impression. He said he makes no sense.
Howard said at least Mayor De Blasio is doing something for the city. He said he's Erik's best friend. Gary said the people paid for his operation and now Erik is back to gaining weight according to Shuli.
Howard had Erik on the phone so he asked if his weight is going up. Shuli said according to Erik his weight has been at 280 for like 4 months now. He said he has a conversation there between him and Gonzo. He said Erik threatened to kill himself by over eating. He said he has a box of Oreos that he puts in his coffee. Howard asked to see the pictures.
Howard asked what Erik weighs. Erik said he's like 372. Howard said he's going back up. Erik said he's not at 372. He said he doesn't know what he's talking about. He meant to say 272. Howard asked what's up with Erik threatening to kill himself. Erik said Gonzo drives him insane. Howard said Gonzo is trying to help him. Erik said that he's not. Shuli said he got a message from Gonzo who was worried about him and then he has to call Erik to find out what's going on.
Howard said Erik threatened to kill himself by over eating until he explodes and dies. Howard said that's his wet dream. Erik said Gonzo makes him crazy. Shuli said that Erik will send a picture of Oreos to a girl to tell them that he's going to kill himself instead of using a bottle of pills.
Howard told Erik he has to lay off Mayor De Blasio. He said he's his best friend. Erik said he doesn't support the police though. He said he's on a police show playing a detective.
Howard said Erik went on Gonzo's podcast. Howard had a clip of Erik talking to Gonzo about what to do to get some sleep. He suggested eating a lot of sugar and crashing so he can fall asleep. Gonzo and Erik were talking about Twinkies and other junk food.
Howard said how about just take your call and drive into a wall to get some sleep. Erik laughed. That led to Shuli doing his impression of him laughing.
Erik said he was so high this morning. Shuli said he got a txt from him at 5:30 this morning about that. He said he was supposed to go to a dispensary with him and Erik flaked on him.
Shuli told Howard to ask what he's doing for the Super Bowl. Erik said he's going out to Las Vegas to host a show. Howard asked what he's making. Erik said he's making money signing pictures and stuff like that. Howard asked where that's at. Erik said he's not sure how to pronounce it. It was some German beer club. Howard asked where he got the money for the ticket. Erik stumbled so he made some odd sounds that Shuli did his impression of.
Erik asked if he heard his interview with Medicated Pete. Howard said he did not. He said he as to go. Erik said Pete has some issues. Howard said how about doing interviews with some other people who aren't on the show. Erik said there is a water fountain in the background. Robin said that sounds great. Howard said he just put an obstacle in front of them by having water running.
Howard said here was a station in Philly that would put on Wind Chimes when the DJs were on air. He said that it was so fucking annoying. He said the guy stated a whole consultancy based on that. He said it took off for a short time. He said it was fucking annoying. He said some other stations hired the guy to get that going for them. Howard said that may have been WYSP who did that back in the 80s.
Erik asked if Robin still has wind chimes. Robin said of course she does. Howard said Erik put a water fountain behind them. Erik said he did it in the hotel lobby where they were staying. Howard said he did it wherever it didn't sound like a radio show. Howard and Shuli did an impression of what that would sound like. Fred played some audio drops while they did that.
Howard asked who listened to that interview. Shuli said JD did. He said it's not the best interview. He said it's up if he wants to listen to it.
Howard played some audio from the interview. Erik asked Pete how Trump is doing in office. Pete said it could be better. He said maybe they'll see results later on. The water fountain sound was there but not loud enough according to Howard. He said it's not drowning them out. Erik asked Pete about the government shutdown and things like that. Erik asked him about Jeff the Drunk going to Florida to relax. Pete said it must be nice. Howard said this is like 60 Minutes for retarded people.
Howard asked Fred to play some blender sounds over the interview. Robin said it's all ''What do you think...'' questions. Howard and Shuli did an impression of what that sounds like while Fred played a blender sound.
Erik asked if he saw the picture of Jeff with a gun. Howard said he didn't see it. Erik said they have to talk about that. Robin said he only has one hand to shoot with.
Howard had Jeff on the phone and asked where the gun came from. Jeff said he has one at the house he's staying at. Howard said this guy flew Jeff down for 2 weeks. Shuli said that he's been calling in with weather reports all week. He said he wanted to talk to the guy but he never heard back from Jeff. Jeff said the guy doesn't want to talk to him because he knows how he manipulates things. Howard said he'll be calling them once the guy stops helping him out. Howard asked if it's a nice house. Jeff said it's very nice.
Shuli asked if he smokes in the guy's house. Jeff said no. Howard asked if he's putting out for the guy. Jeff said no. Howard asked if he's walking around nude. Jeff said don't be a douche bag. Howard told him to have a good time in Florida.
Howard played more of the Erik and Pete interview. Pete was talking about how he worries about having a heart attack and things like that. Erik asked him again if he has permission to play this on the radio. Pete said yes of course.
Howard said instead of Matt Lauer this is Fat Lauer. He did his Erik voice talking about Pete and asking if he has permission to use this on the radio. Howard said this is Larry King Size.
Howard said he loves the fountain. Robin said imagine making him a producer. Shuli said he should do a series where he does interviews in front of a fountain. Howard said instead of Jimmy Fallon this is Phlegmy Fallon.
Erik said he did Blue Bloods with Donnie yesterday. He said he and Donnie shared phone numbers yesterday. Shuli asked if it was an 1-800 number. Erik said it was not. He said after the Super Bowl he's going to Facetime him.
Shuli said Erik posted a picture of handcuffs and said that he's going to handcuff himself to Donnie next time he sees him. Shuli told Erik to stop saying he's going to kill himself. He said he got locked up in the psych ward for doing that once. Howard told him he has to stop. Erik said that Gonzo makes him crazy. Robin said he gets himself into trouble. Erik said he knows Gonzo isn't going to do anything so that's why he does it to him.
Howard asked how he's teaching anyone a lesson when he threatens to kill himself. Howard told him to stop and don't kill himself. Erik said he'll try not to. Erik asked if he can bring his medical marijuana up there and smoke with him. Howard said he doesn't smoke. He said call in sometime and smoke on the phone. Howard said he can't come up there and smoke anyway. He said this is a corporation and they don't allow that there.
Howard let Erik go and took a call from a guy who said he's pissed that this guy can do what he does. Shuli said he was high and smoking a cigar in an apartment he doesn't even have to pay for. Howard said he wants this life. He said that's the class he wants to take. He said he wants to learn to live for free.
The caller said Erik gets paid to do all of this stuff so why does he have to pay taxes to pay for Erik. He said it's not fair that he can make money on the side and he's still paying his taxes to cover these other things he's collecting. Howard said that's why he gets upset about him complaining about Mayor De Blasio. He said he's a character.
Howard said thank you to Gary. He said he actually did watch some of Steve Martin's class. He said he really doesn't have time to get into this stuff. He said you have to remember where you left off in the class. He said he asked his IT guys to look into it. He said he had them sign him up and they worked on it all day. He said it was like Gary gave him homework. He said he wasn't able to figure out who was on there. He asked if you can take any class you want. Gary said it's a pass for the whole year and whatever class you want to take. Howard asked Gary if he took it. Gary said he didn't. He said that his son took a class with Deadmau5. He said there's a lot on there.
Shuli said Gary basically got him a really long Cameo. Howard said he did. He took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that's an insulting gift for Gary to give him. Howard said it's a nice gift. He said how insulting it is to be yelled at by Mariann.
Howard said he might sign up for the Deadmau5 course. He said he doesn't know how to play records. Howard asked if he does the class in that mask he wears. Gary said he doesn't think so. Howard said he's looking forward to watching the Steve Martin stuff.
Gary said he's looking at the Deadmau5 video and he's wearing the mask when it starts but he takes it off eventually. Howard asked what Gary spent on this thing. Gary said it was like $200. Howard said that's a pair of jeans for Richard.
Howard said he has to ask Steve Martin about this. He said he's thinking about doing a class on something. He said he's not sure what he's good at though. Howard said Steve gave him a detention and that was kind of strange. He said he stuck an arrow through his head like Steve did and he got detention.
Howard said he should give a class on washing your asshole with a Toto toilet. He said he's the best at that. He said he'll teach a class on wrapping his penis in toilet paper to keep it from leaking on his jeans.
Howard said he should plunk down the phone and take a call from Lauren. He asked if she wants to win $500 cash from Welch's grape juice. Lauren said of course. Howard said they're gong to play the Wendy Dead Or Alive game. He had a theme song for the game that he played first. Howard thanked Eli Braden for that song.
Howard asked Lauren wait sound effect she wants in the background, a water fall or wind chimes. She said she'd have to hear them. Howard said that he was just kidding actually.
Howard said Lauren has to get 3 out of 5 correct to win the money. He said that he'll give her a sample first. Howard said it's a simple game. He said they asked Wendy if Frank Sinatra is dead or alive. Lauren said she's going to say that he's alive. Howard played Wendy's answer and she said that he's alive because he's still singing. Howard said if you really listen she always gives a rationale.
Howard said now the game starts. He said they asked Wendy if David Bowie is alive or dead. Lauren said she's going to say alive. Howard played Wendy's answer and she said alive because he sings all over the world. Howard said Lauren got that one right.
Howard said they asked Wendy if Elvis is dead or alive. Lauren said dead. Wendy's answer was ''Dead, heart attack on a toilet.'' Howard said that's something. He said Lauren is in tune with the slow adult community.
Howard said they asked Wendy if Thomas Jefferson is alive or dead. Lauren said she'll say dead. Howard played Wendy's answer and Wendy said alive. She said he's an artist. Lauren missed that one.
Howard said they asked Wendy if Barack Obama is alive or dead. Lauren said she's going to say alive. Howard played her answer and Wendy said dead. She said that someone beat him up until he passed away. Howard said she got that one wrong too. He said it all comes down to the final question. He said that seems to be the way it always works out. He told Lauren to think like a slow adult for this next one. Howard said she has to think like a woman who doesn't know how to spell the word ''Hand.'' Lauren said she's going to load up on her Mountain Dew right now.
Howard said they asked Wendy if she thinks Jesus is dead or alive. Lauren said that's open to interpretation. Robin said this is Wendy. Lauren said she's going to say Wendy will say dead. Howard played her answer and Wendy said dead because he died on the cross. Howard said Lauren just won $500 from Welch's grape juice. Lauren said she's going to drink that all the time. She said she'll pour it in her butt. Howard said he hopes she drinks some Mountain Dew and eats some pizza too.
Howard said now her wallet is as full as Wendy's diaper. Lauren said she wanted to say a few things about the Newly-Wet Game. Howard said the credits are rolling. He asked why she called in. Lauren said two things. She said it seems like the guys didn't understand the concept of the game. Howard said they were banking on that. Lauren said they didn't know that you are supposed to answer with a simple response. Howard said now she knows why they did the show. Lauren said she's also disappointed that JD's wife didn't come in. Howard said he'll get her in there. He told her not to worry about it. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked what song this is. Fred filled him in. Howard said he must have been into this for a while because the songs they play were on his playlists. Howard said he just added a Soundgarden song he hadn't heard before. He said he got turned on to some new singer who is really good. He said he doesn't remember her name. He said he's sure she appreciates the shout out. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they got a picture of the woman who Ass Napkin Ed said was into him. He said she tweeted this morning about the shout out. Howard said there she is, his new girlfriend. Robin said there's someone warming up in the bullpen.
Howard read some email about the Newly-Wet Game they did yesterday. He had someone saying ''fuck Memet'' in the email. Howard said Memet is getting a lot of that in the email lately. Howard read some comments about the way the game went and someone said Brent fails every time he looks Howard in the eye. Howard said Brent did win so he's not sure what that means.
Gary said that Brent is saying he never bragged he was going to win. Robin said ''What!?'' Howard read through more email and had more complaints about the length of the game and things like that. Howard said someone wrote that JD and Brent are the creepiest guys on the show. Then they complained that JD and Brent both blocked them on Twitter when they had one negative comment about them.
Howard read more about the game and had someone asking if that's his granddaughter. He had people complaining about Ronnie being on the show. Someone told Ronnie not to get married. Howard said he thought all of the couples were lovely. Robin said it was a lot of fun. She said it was awesome. Howard said someone warned Brent to be careful in his marriage with another swinger.
Howard said someone wrote in about Ralph being right about what he said about the Super Bowl. Howard said someone wrote in about King of All Blacks who the writer was calling Larry. they don't like him on the show. Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there so he bailed on it.
Robin read a story about the North Koreans saying that every person has to turn in 220 pounds of human manure every day. Howard said that's what you get when you have a dictator and no free press. Robin asked how they are supposed to produce 220 pounds a day. Howard said they must have shit floating all over the place. Robin said if you can't produce that then you don't get any pay. Howard said North Korea is a horrible place. He said everyone is afraid to talk about that little guy who inherited the country from his dad. Howard said thank god they were born there in the United States.
Robin read a story about a law being passed in Teheran that says you can't publicly walk a dog. Robin said that they say it's causing fear and anxiety for people there.
Robin read some news about the Super Bowl and asked if the male cheerleader thing has taken off. Robin said the Rams are bringing their male cheerleaders to the Super Bowl. She said this will make history. Howard said he doesn't like it. He said it's no big deal but he's a traditional kind of guy. He said he likes female cheerleaders. Robin said it must have come about because it was a bunch of guys watching TV. She said they must have figured they should be female. Howard said maybe it'll be good for Robin. Howard said George Takei said to him that it's beautiful.
Robin read that Wendy Williams has had more health issues. She said that Nick Cannon is taking over for her for a few days next week. Robin said that Wendy is suffering from a fractured shoulder and some issues with her Graves disease. Robin said she's taking time off to take care of herself. Howard said that Graves disease sounds pretty serious. He said she must be pissed about that.
Robin read a story about Jussie Smollett who is on the TV show Empire. Robin said he was in Chicago to film some segments for the show and he went out for a walk and some people started calling him homophobic and racist names. Robin said then they threw some punches and beat him up and threw some unknown substance on him. Robin said he was taken to the hospital and treated. Howard asked how people have time to do this stuff. Robin said it saddens her. She said they were just talking about this country and how great it is and now they have people acting like they live in another country. Robin said they also told Jussie that this was ''MAGA country'' and they put a noose around his neck. Robin said she wishes him all the best an they are able to apprehend these people. Howard said they say the substance they threw on him was bleach. Robin said she's not sure why they would use that. Howard said to bleach him white maybe. Robin had some audio of Lee Daniels talking about the attack.
Robin read a story about the U.S. Postal service and their slogan that no mater rain, sleet or hail the mail will always be delivered. Robin said the Polar Vortex was never mentioned. She said it's putting mail delivery on hold in 10 states. Howard said the American system is great. He said other countries are living in the dark ages. Robin said that they will not be delivering mail in those 10 states because of the low temperatures.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if he's questioning JD's loyalty to the show now that he's blocked his wife from the show. Howard said he does feel that as long as the wife is doing Instagram then why isn't she allowed to come there. He said that he is thinking about that. He said that she should be able to do what she wants to do. He said he thinks JD will have her in there at some point. He asked JD if he thinks he's right. JD said he would rather not but he doesn't know. Robin asked who they should ask. JD said he means maybe eventually but not at this time in their life. Jim said that before summer he probably will. JD told him to shut up. JD said she's not interested in coming in now. Robin said that's because of what he said. JD told her to shut up. Robin said that isn't her killing it. He said she's responding to JD's tantrum.
Howard said that JD's wife told Wolfie she wanted to do an embedded at the Christmas party. JD said that she must have been drunk or something. He said there's no way that would happen. Robin said the microphone must have been drunk. Howard said she's open to it all but not JD. JD said he's not sure what to tell him. Jim said maybe give them this and let Wolfie into his home. JD said he wants nothing to do with Wolfie. Howard said Wolfie said he was shocked when she said yes.
Howard played a techno song with JD's sounds in it. Robin said she loves this. Howard said he does too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he bets JD would do a celebrity Newlywed Game. JD said he would not. Howard said it's just a thought. JD said he's not going to do it. Howard said how about if he gets Jenny McCarthy and Donnie and Samantha Bee and her husband. JD said he's not going to do it. He said no to everyone Howard mentioned. Howard said JD's wife wants to be on the show. He took a call from fake JD's wife who was hooting just like JD. Howard had JD talk to his wife. JD said he doesn't want to talk to her right now. JD's wife asked why JD won't let her on the show. JD said he doesn't want to deal with all of that bullshit. Howard said just talk to her. JD said he has nothing to say to her. JD's fake wife said that she won't mention the peanut butter thing they do. JD said that's enough of that. He said she's done. Howard spent a little more time with the fake wife and JD said come on in, he doesn't give a fuck anymore.
Howard said he respects JD's wishes. JD said ''yeah, okay.'' Howard said he's just doing some ball busting. He asked if he has eaten lunch yet because he seems a little edgy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to play that Pearl Jam song parody about JD. Howard had it there to play so he played it for the guy.
Robin got back to her news and said she's worried about the apartment that Richard and his wife bought near where Amazon may be moving. Robin said the opposition is getting traction and even Governor Cuomo is saying if they don't win over the community this may not happen. Howard said he's all for job creation. He said poor Richard is already thinking about selling and doubling his money. He said poor Richard was just about to buy a new pair of pants. He said Amazon was going to move in just a couple of blocks from Richard's apartment. He said imagine if his community members kill the deal.
Richard came in and said he is worried about this. He said Amazon just announced a new thing where they'll train people for their jobs. Robin said one thing people are upset about is the rent in the area going up. Richard said real estate always does good in New York but the Amazon thing would make it way better. Howard said he's all for it. Richard said Cuomo and De Blasio are both for it. He said here are some people in Queens who are against it and they know one who they want to tell to back off. Richard said he loves Amazon by the way. Howard said he does too. He said he's with him.
Robin read a story about Apple releasing its quarterly earnings. She said they barely beat their estimates. Robin said that boosted shares of their stock. Robin said they are now moving into the movie business too. Robin said they purchased their first film at the Sundance festival. Howard sounded surprised by that. Robin said they want to be like Netflix, Hulu and all of those companies. Howard said it hasn't worked very well for Apple so far. He said he wants them to invent 3D stuff and let him do Siri like it's on Star Trek. He doesn't want them to be Netflix.
Robin read a story about James Ingram passing away. Robin had some of his music for Howard to play. She had a bunch of his stuff that they went through. Fred played some of Robin's singing clips over that. Howard said he tried to let loose like Robin did. He said he's not sure if he was able to do it like her.
Robin read a story about Roseanne Barr wondering why she's not on the Roseanne show. Robin said she is in Israel and she may move there. Robin said she thinks it may have been her sport of Israel that got her kicked off the show. Robin read some details about what Roseanne was saying about that. Howard asked what happened to that show without her. Robin said the show is still running. Gary said the new show is doing a little bit better than the show with Roseanne on it. Howard asked why it's doing well without her. Gary said they're focusing on the two daughters and Laurie Metcalf's character. He said he likes the show better without Roseanne on it. Howard said that's interesting the show is doing better. Robin said it's doing fine. Howard said he ran into John Goodman on the street the other day. He said he wasn't going to turn around like usual. He said this time he turned around and didn't recognize him because he's so skinny. He said they had a little conversation out there on the street. He said he forgot to ask about the show.
Robin read a story about the FBI's final report on the shooting in Las Vegas. Robin said they say he was probably looking for infamy and he didn't like people having fun so he decided to take them out. Howard said he figured he was just a giant asshole who took people out. He said he would never hurt another person.
Robin read a story about how people who are seeking asylum in this country have to go to Mexico thanks to Donald Trump's new policy.
Robin said we're facing another government shutdown in 3 weeks. Robin said Mitch McConnell has said the shutdowns don't work. Howard said he agrees with him on that. Robin asked what we're going to do then.
Robin read a story about Chris Christie being on Colbert last night plugging his new book. Robin said he revealed that he gave Trump advice prior to the shutdown. She had some clips from the interview for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about former mayor Michael Bloomberg possibly testing the waters for a Presidential run. Robin said he was up in New Hampshire taking a shot at Trump. Robin had some clips of him talking about what's going on with Trump. Robin asked who he would vote for if Hillary and Bloomberg were running. Howard said he has to have someone who believes in global warming. He said he would probably go with Bloomberg. He said the problem is that he's Jewish and people hate the Jews. He said they hate women too for some reason.
Robin read a story about Ace Frehley claiming that Gene Simmons groped his wife and tried to proposition her last year. Howard said that he was going to do that with Fred's wife but that's his man. He said to do that to his band mate's wife is wrong. Robin read more details about that story. She said that Ace saw something that Simmons said about him and threw out this claim about what he did. Howard said it's hard to tell who is telling the truth there. He said you must find clown makeup on your woman's thighs. Robin said this is their final tour so it would be a shame if they broke up now. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.