Howard started the show doing his ''hey now'' thing with Fred playing clips and answering back with the same. Howard said he's glad he's there at work. He said there are times he contemplates leaving radio and he envisions it being very relaxed and less uptight. He said he has a picture in his mind about what it would be like when he wouldn't have a radio show. He said there are times when he would like to talk about things. He said that he would have no one to tell. He said he needs to set the record straight about the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Howard said he didn't want to go to Cleveland but just because he doesn't like traveling. He said he put a lot of thought into his speech about Bon Jovi. He said they aired the show over the weekend and he got a lot of nice email from some of his friends. He said that he heard from a bunch of people about it.
Howard said some people had seen it on HBO and he heard from Al Rosenberg, Marco Battaglia and guys like that. He said when he saw it he was kind of bummed out. He said they edited him and he's not sure what their mission is. He said he put a lot of thought into his speech. He said they cut it down. He said his speech was funny and he thought they had killed some of his jokes. He said the online version shows the whole speech. He said that he made a joke about the hall of fame and it was a cute one. He said they cut that out. He said he also started singing a Bon Jovi song and they cut that out when he kept singing after you think it's over. He said the show was great and he thought it was fine but he is going to say this with peace and love... He will no longer appear on shows that edit material.
Howard said he told his agent that he won't let his stuff be edited anymore. He said he doesn't need them cutting out his jokes. He said he made jokes about Richie Sambora and the women he has dated and they cut that out. He said they cut out nuance stuff. He said there was a whole bit about why it was so hard for the hall of fame to put the guys in. He said that they cut that joke up and cut to him saying the explanation. He said they cut out the set up. Howard said maybe they were right to edit it down but he's not comfortable being edited by someone. He said he went out to be funny and pay tribute to the band. He said he doesn't need some shlub editing him.
Howard said he is on David Letterman's Netflix show and they edited that down too. He said he has no confidence that it was edited well. He said that they used to just put everything he said on his TV show. Howard said he doesn't edit down stuff on this show. He said he doesn't like being edited. He said he hasn't been a champion of free speech to be edited. He said he will no longer do shows that edit material. He said that with peace and love, peace and love.
Robin asked if he's going to do red carpets and answer questions. Howard said he will no longer do that either. He said his wife made him walk the red carpet at the hall of fame thing. He said he hated doing that at America's Got Talent. He said they had the press there and they'd ask him about anything but America's Got Talent.
Howard said he was kind of bummed out by the whole thing. He said Marco Battaglia told him he did a good job but he sent him the link to the unedited video. He said they really cut out a lot. Robin said he's correcting them on what they saw. Howard said that's just not what he wanted out there. He said he could have cut down the speech. He said they gave him a time limit and he went over it by like 2 minutes.
Howard asked Gary how many boring speeches were there. Gary said there were 5 or 6 inductions and they had someone introducing them. He said they had speeches from the band members too. Howard mentioned Nina Simone's brother talking about her. Gary said he went on and on and they had to pull him off stage. Howard said Gary saw the speech so he asked if he gets what he's talking about. Gary said he knows they had to cut it for time and Howard was the only funny one so he's not sure why they cut him. He said that they could have left in the 3 minutes they cut out. Howard said he gets they have to cut it down but he'd love to know who made the decision on what to cut. He said there's no committee. He asked who the fucking genius is who cut out the stuff he had about who Richie dated. Howard said whoever it is he'd like to know. He said that he wants to know the comedy genius. Robin said there were probably several steps. Howard said he's sat in on these sessions and they just cut stuff like a butcher shop.
Howard said he's not whining and complaining here. He said this is just what he thought. He said he's not going to do this ever again. He said he won't be edited like that. Howard said that these people wanted him at this hall of fame thing and they went out of their way to get him there. Robin said they didn't send a plane for the Dire Straits guys. Howard said they sent him a plane and he had his own jet right to Cleveland. He said they really wanted him there. He said now air his fucking speech! He said that he's not upset about it. He said he's calm. He said all of the agida he went through for that speech and they edited it. He said they had to cut somewhere but they really didn't need to cut his stuff. He said they didn't send a jet for Sister Rosetta Tharpe. He said no one knows who the fuck she is.
Howard said it's like working for these program directors who had to weigh in and open their stupid fucking mouths. He said they had to tell him how to do his show. Howard said they should have trimmed 2 minutes off of Rosetta Tharpe's induction.
Robin said if Howard was on a Mark Twain show and they had a bunch of funny people talking they're all going to be edited. Howard said he's not going. He said they should be edited, not him. He said he would have asked them to get clearance from him about what they edited. He said he gets that they had to trim some stuff out but they didn't have to cut all of the stuff they did. Howard said maybe he would have felt good about what they cut. He said they can't fly him out there and then edit the shit out of him.
Howard said he wasn't there talking about his career. He said he was bummed out this whole weekend. He said that he called his agent about that and he wasn't helping. He said he was telling him he was right to be upset.
Howard had a woman on the phone who said she edited the show. It was Wendy the Slow Adult. Howard asked her some questions about cutting it up and she was saying ''yes'' to every question. Howard asked about her being limited in intelligence. Howard asked who her favorite band is. She said Yes. Howard asked if his speech was too long. She said yes. Howard let her go after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said he was fabulous. She said that they didn't want him to talk about Richie Sambora in these politically correct times. Howard said they left in the penis hall of fame joke though. He said that he thought it was a PC kind of thing but then he wasn't sure. Mariann said he doesn't need this. Howard said she's right. Mariann told him to keep saying yes to saying no. She said his radio is the platform that he needs. Howard hung up on her after that.
Robin said if Bon Jovi asked him to do this for some other award is he going to do it. Howard said he's not. He said she's making it like all his career is going to be is giving Bon Jovi awards. Howard said he doesn't like being edited. He said they didn't cut out the Moody Blues when they performed their songs.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was the best on the show. He said everyone else was very dry. The caller asked why he doesn't have Ozzy Osbourne in without his kids. Howard said he has had him on by himself. He said that was never his doing when he had his family in. Howard said that was Ozzy asking him to come in. He said he was going to have him in with his son but they were on vacation last time. He said that he would love to have Ozzy in there.
The caller told him to have David Lee Roth on the show too. Howard said he has zero problem with David but he thinks David is upset with him for saying he doesn't like girls or something. Howard said there was something there. He said he and David used to hang out. He said that when they took over the morning show he had him on the show. He said he gave him air time and tried to be gracious about it. Howard said David came in thinking he was goofing on him. He said he was very embracing though. He said he tired to give him some advice too but David has a problem with him. He said he's not sure how to fix it. The caller said have ''toothy'' call him up. The caller said call Irving Azoff get him. He said that's his manager now. Howard said he likes David and Van Halen. He said if David has some sensitivity to him he's apologized publicly to him. He said he loves David and loves him on the show. He said if he has a beef with him then fuck 'em. He said that he can't spend his life apologizing to him. He said David isn't at the pinnacle of his career now either. He said he is a fan of his though. He said he loves all of Van Halen. Howard said he loves Sammy too. The caller said he sucks. Howard said he does not. He said he's not sure what to tell these guys.
Howard said he welcomes David with welcome arms. He said he'd like to talk to him about why he has a problem with him. He said he's expose himself that way. He said he can come in there and talk about it if he wants to. Howard said he has so many people who are upset with him he's not sure if he has had a conversation about this.
Howard said he has been really busy lately. He said he's only up to episode 7 of Lost in Space. Howard said he loves it. He said it's a beautiful reboot. Robin said she loves the robot. She said she wants it to be about the robot. Howard said the black daughter is hot. He said he's not sure why she's black though. Robin said she must have been adopted. Howard said he wrote a card to his mother for Mother's day. He said she may have been annoying but she was there. Howard said she was there too much. He said she should have gotten a job. Howard said she was always there for him though. He thanked her for sacrificing for him. He said she could have gotten a job.
Howard said last night he was laying in bed and don't make fun of him for this but he decided to watch ''Fifty Shades Greyer'' or something. Howard said he loved it. He said even his wife said it was the worst movie made. Howard said he loved it. Robin said he has no taste. Howard said that Dakota Johnson gets him crazy. He said she has great titties and they fuck through the movie like rabbits. Howard said he loved it. Robin said it's called Fifty Shades Freed. Howard said Dakota is his favorite. He said he loved it. Robin said she watched the trailer and that's all she needed. Howard said it's his Citizen Kane. He said that he loved the movie. He said Dakota Johnson is so hot. He said she's not a great actor but she's hot to him. He said she's not the hottest woman on the planet but she's hot to him. He said he likes naked too but it's different than porn. He said that movie is 5 stars.
Robin said that movie went straight to video she thinks. Howard said it did not. Howard said Robin liked the movie ''Hitch.'' Robin said that was a fine movie.
Robin said she watched a movie on a plane and it was that movie with that girl in the Perfect Pitch movies. She said it was that movie where she gets sat at the table at a wedding. Gary said that Fifty Shades Freed made 100 million. Robin asked where. Howard said there's going to be a third one. Howard said he saw the first and second. He said he's not sure what he saw. Robin said that the one on demand is the third one. Howard said he must have missed one. Howard asked what he saw. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said he saw something. He said he loved it.
Howard took a call from a woman who explained where the daughter came from on Lost in Space. She said they explain it in a later episode. Howard said don't tell him then. The caller asked to play a game but Howard didn't have any to play.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Howard was the headlining speaker and Jon Bon Jovi was the headliner. She said they should have let Howard and Jon do their thing. She said they should be heard in full. Howard said he thinks everyone but him should have been edited. Howard said this is his Sarah Huckabee Sanders on the phone. He said she's on his team and he likes it.
Howard said maybe the edited version was better but it kept him up at night. He said he can't sleep from that. He said he has to jerk off to get some sleep. He said that he has to do things that are wrong to get to sleep. He said he wants to call the shots in his life. He said there was a time in his life when he didn't do that. Robin asked if he ever thought about doing it for them instead of doing it for himself. Howard said it was tough seeing someone edited him. He said that he wants to know the name of the person who edited him. Robin said he won't come forward after this. Howard said he heard he's hanging out with Roman Polanski and hiding out. Howard said give him the name of the genius who decided to trim that.
Howard said please never bring this Hall of Fame thing up again. He said he was handed a note saying the editor is in witness protection.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they can get back to ''Fifty Shades of Gay'' please. Howard said he loved it. He said he was laying in bed wondering how people don't love this. He said it was a naked woman. Howard said he loved it.
The caller told Howard that his dad started listening to his show and he loves it. Howard thanked him for that and said hi to the guy's dad. The caller was complimenting Howard but then started talking about Robin and Howard said he doesn't have to do that. He said he can stop with him.
Howard said he was watching Michael Avenatti all weekend. He said to Robin last week that she should be dating that guy. Howard said then Robin got exited when he started following her on Twitter. Robin said she wrote to Howard about that. Howard said that he's her boyfriend now. Howard said in the paper he was reading about how women at bars are flocking to the guy. Howard said he has a clip of Michael Avenatti singing a song to Robin. It was fake Michael Avenatti singing a song parody about how he needs his cock in Robin.
Howard said Avenatti has a full head of hair on his web site. Howard said he's bald now and looks good. He said he has full hair on the web site though. He said it's like a gym teacher cut.
Howard said he noticed on the Hall of Fame they called Lauryn Hill ''Ms. Lauryn Hill.'' He said it's like when they make people call you something. He said that's what it seems like to him. He said she tells them they have to bill her as that. Howard said he had the guys do some research there and found out that in 2005 it was reported that everyone call her Ms. Hill. He said that led to the band breaking up. He said that she is so hot and talented. He said that she's in there demanding that she be called Ms. Hill. He said that she claims that she has been wise beyond her years and she knows that. She said that's the respect she deserves. Howard said he's watching this thing and she was Ms. Lauryn Hill.
Gary said Joe DiMaggio was introduced as the greatest living baseball player. He demanded that or he wouldn't come out when his name was announced. Howard said he should demand that they call him the greatest radio start that has ever lived and his name is Great Coogly Mooogly Howard Stern.
Howard said that's what he should do. He said if he wasn't on the spectrum he might have thought of that.
Howard said he could be Dame Howard Stern or something like that. He said he could be introduced as Radio Hall of Fame Inductee Howard Stern. He said he could be the duchess of radio Howard Stern. Robin said just imagine that. Robin said that's what rappers do. She said they give themselves names like that.
Howard said he could be the grand duke of YouPorn. He was making up all kinds of names he could go by. He said he could be the Glorious DJ from Heaven Howard Stern. Howard said that's ballsy to make people call you Ms. Lauryn Hill. Howard said Robin wanted to be called Ophelia but they didn't fall for that. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he used to do this bit where he would call Jack Spector and Jack didn't know anything about sports. He said he would call in to see how long he could stay on. He said he didn't know sports either but he'd smother him with praise and Jack would keep him on. He had a clip as a reminder of what that was like.
Howard said then he said to the guys recently where they each call a show and see how long they can stay on. Howard said he called the Donna Nicolloni show and the show is so desperate for content that they won't hang up. Howard said this went on for 35 minutes. He said he had to hang up on her. He played a clip of his call to the Donna show. Howard said they have to change the challenge because it's not that hard to stay on an internet radio show.
Howard said Chris Wilding called an internet radio show. He said it was a religious advice show. He said Chris has a list of offensive questions to ask. He said they thought they would hang up immediately. Howard said that's not what happened. He played the call and Chris had some questions about a mother having sex with her son and if it's wrong if she doesn't remember it. The host said he wouldn't encourage that kind of behavior. He said it can hurt in more ways than one. Howard said that you'd think the guy would have hung up right away. He said Chris kept going with the questions and the host kept answering. He said Chris asked the host about selling a child on the deep web. He asked how much he thinks he could get for that. The host said he's never heard of people wanting to sell children.
Howard said 7 minutes into the call Chris asked the guy what he thought would get him thrown off the show. Howard played a clip and Chris asked the host if he thinks he could get away with propping up the corpse of a 12 year old girl to get in the car pool lane. The host answered and said that's not the way to use a corpse. He said God will know what he's doing. He didn't hang up on Chris.
Howard said you can't get hung up on. He said Chris asked so many outrageous things that they lst count. He had a montage of things that Chris asked and got answers for. Howard said this guy would not hang up. Howard played that clip.
Howard said that's great. Robin said that guy has nothing to do. Howard said this went on for 25 minutes. He said Chris was getting delirious. He said Chris was making up his own stuff. He said at one point he told the rabbi that he was going to light an M80 in his rectum. Then Chris started laughing. He played that clip and the rabbi said that would destroy him if he did that. The rabbi said he would blow his rectum to pieces. Howard said he wanted to grab the phone and ask the guy what the fuck is wrong with him. He said that was 25 minutes in. He said the call went to 38 minutes and Chris made the host crack. Howard said it was about horse semen. Howard played that clip and Chris said that he has started giving oral sex to horses. He said he gargles with the horse semen. The host said that's bestiality and that's wrong. He finally hung up on Chris.
Howard said he has to change the rules of radio rodeo. He said they should limit it to terrestrial radio. He said it took blowing horse to get this off the air after 38 minutes. Howard said he has to figure out a new game. He said he's got nothing. Robin said it's amazing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she watched the induction on HBO and he was fucking awesome. Howard said he is just going to say thank you. The caller asked what material his jacket was made out of. Howard said he's not sure. He said it was a John Varvatos jacket. He said he pays for his clothes so he's not sure why he's announcing what he wears. He said some celebrities get free stuff for mentioning that. The caller said the jacket looked great. Howard said he wouldn't know. The caller said that she loves them and they keep her company while she drives. She said she loves everyone but then gave Benjy a ''fuck you Benjy.'' Howard let her go and went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked who is singing this. Fred said it's Golden Smog. Howard asked if that was from their tribute. Fred said it's not. He said it's on an album. Howard listened to it a little more. He said it's a beautiful song. He said thank god we're alone in the universe. Howard said there is no other life in this universe. Robin said he can say that now but he'll change his tune. Howard said he can say there is no life in the universe. Robin said there are more than 9 planets out there. Fred played some Riley Martin clips.
Howard said it's 35 years ago that he first interviewed Joan Rivers on this radio show. He said he can remember how excited he was when she was doing the show. He said they had never had anyone that big other than Soupy Sales. Howard said Joan was the host of the Tonight Show at the time. Howard said she came and did the show and she didn't hate him. He said that was encouraging. He said it really helped him. He said NBC hated their whole thing and they were trying to get them fired. Howard said he has to thank Joan for that. He said Rolling Stone named her the 6th best comedian ever. He said he liked that too. He said she stuck up for them over there at NBC. He said that he has to thank her for that.
Howard had some audio of Joan doing her act over in London. He didn't say how old it was. He also said that Richard Pryor was number 1 on the list of comedians that Joan was in. Howard said that they didn't have Eddie Murphy or Dave Chappelle on that list.
Howard played more Joan Rivers clips from the Ed Sullivan Show. Howard said Ed said Joan Rivers instead of Johnny Rivers and they had to book her to cover up his mistake.
Howard played a clip of Joan talking to Johnny Carson about having small boobs. Howard said he loves this. He had another clip of Joan talking to Johnny about men liking women's looks and how no man has ever put his hand up a woman's bra looking for a library card.
Howard said Jay Leno never had Joan on because Johnny stopped having her on his show. Howard said Jay took on the feud. He said he was such a fucking dick. He said Jimmy Fallon had her on. Howard said it was a ridiculous feud.
Howard said Joan revealed a lot on their show. He played a clip of her talking about Frank Sinatra and how he came on to her back stage at a show.
Howard said Joan died in 2014 and he did a speech at her funeral. Howard said Joan's daughter asked him to do that. Howard said he made a joke about her dry vagina and he has a clip of her on the last show she did with them. He said that inspired him to do that dry vagina joke.
Howard said the funeral was a little too serious. Robin said Howard set them straight. she said it was all up hill from there. Howard said they should try to contact Joan in Hell. He did his thing and got in touch with fake Joan and had a conversation with her for a few minutes.
Fake Joan was goofing on JD about getting married and things like that. Fake Joan went off on the whole staff. She was roasting Richard, Ronnie, Brent, Benjy, Sal and Gary. Howard said this is why he loves her. Fake Joan kept going with her roast and got to Robin and then Howard. She left Fred out because she said he's creepy.
Howard said he has Ralph on the phone. He took that call and Ralph said he took his mom to see Joan. He said they both cracked up the whole time. Fake Joan thanked him for that. She didn't have a comeback for him when she found out that he didn't pay for his tickets. Howard said he misses Joan. Joan said she misses him too. Joan said that Verne Troyer just showed up and he's going to make a great dildo. She told him to get into her gash. Howard lost her after that.
Howard said how exciting to hear from Ralph about seeing Joan Rivers. He said he spends most of his life watching TV and going to shows. Howard said he's very observant.
Howard said they're having fun on this Monday. He said he was conjuring her up and he didn't even have to do that much.
Howard said there's a lot of discussion about Ronnie and Brent and their sex expertise. Howard said he has a lot of email about them and about Tom Arnold. Howard read some of the mail about Tom Arnold and some of the stuff he was talking about in his interview. Howard said everyone likes when they make fun of Bobo as Elmer Fudd.
Howard said he took a lot of shit about Natalie Portman. He said that she's Israeli and people were telling him he was out of line. Howard read some of the comments he got about that. Howard explained what we did after 9/11 and how we killed the Taliban after that. He said that they've been doing that for 17 years. He said that he applauds that. He said that Israel has been attacked by neighbors forever and they fight back. He said the world tells them not to fight back. Howard said Natalie Portman should talk about Iraq or Afghanistan. He said that we got so pissed about 9/11 that we went into Iraq and they didn't even have anything to do with it. Howard said if someone fucks with you then you fight back. He said Israel is doing that. He said Natalie singled out Israel and he said that they don't need that. Howard said that blew up into a big thing.
Howard read some of the stuff that people were saying about his comments. Howard said he's not sure why she's bothering. He said just accept your award and shut up. Howard said Fred is the one who reads all of these comments. He said he throws out most of the negative ones. Fred said there was an outcry over this so he left that in there.
Howard said talk about what these other countries are doing like Russia supporting this Syrian maniac. Howard said he has a different view on the world than other people. He said just email him the positive comments.
Howard said he needs to retire. He said that he doesn't want to hear the negative stuff about the show. He said he really doesn't want to know. He said he spent his entire life listening to negativity. He said he heard that from his father for the first 15 years of his life. Howard did an impression of his dad telling him he was doing everything wrong. He said he has been harshly criticized his entire life. Howard had his mom telling him he was saying things wrong. He was doing impressions of both of them going off on him.
Howard was getting upset about the hall of fame edit thing again. Robin said he has to calm down over that. Robin told him to not sweat the small things. Howard said he can't help it.
Howard had Robin ask him to do a show. Robin asked him to do an interview on PBS and Howard asked if it will be edited. Robin said it will be a star studded cast of about 20 different comedians and they may have to edit. Howard said goodbye and cut her off. He said he's not going to do another show like that. Robin got back on and said they will be cutting down his remarks. Howard hung up on her again.
Howard said you have to hear this Ronnie stuff. He said that Ronnie revealed he likes to put stuff in his ass. He said this inspired a bunch of songs and he thinks they have enough to do a musical on Broadway. Howard played some of the song parodies they have Ronnie singing. He had songs that Ronnie performed about taking stuff up his ass and one about ''wet cunt'' that Howard said would probably chase people out of the theater.
Howard still had the caller on the line. The caller said that Ronnie freaks him out. He said it's ugly and gross. Howard said the playbill would double as a barf bag.
The caller said that he gets frustrated with his show at times and he will change the channel. Howard said what the fuck. He asked what guest he didn't like. The caller, Matt, said that he didn't let him finish. Howard said he's one of those guys who can dish it out but not take it. He said he just said he doesn't want negative feedback.
The caller said that Tom Arnold came on and didn't reveal anything. Howard said he had a lot of information. He said he was talking about Sarah Huckabee Sanders' glass eye. Matt said he tunes into other stations and he gets right back to Howard. He said he heard people using the same drops that Fred uses and they have a Wrap Up Show on the Faction channel. Howard said he doesn't even care. Matt said he was going to ask about that. Howard said he stopped caring. He said he thinks that people know that he's being ripped off and he doesn't get worked up about it. Matt said there was a day when he would have gotten pissed. Howard said of course. He said not anymore though.
Howard said in the final scene of the Ronnie play everyone gathers around him in a Can-Can kind of thing. Howard played another song that Ronnie performed. Howard sang in that one too. Robin was also part of the song.
Howard said if you buy two tickets to that show you get autographed dildos from Ronnie. Howard said it would take 4 days to do that song. He said getting Ronnie to sing and record is tough. He said he has some out takes. Howard said Chris Wilding was working with him on that song.
Howard played a clip of Chris asking how Ronnie is feeling. Ronnie said he doesn't care. He went off on Chris when he tried to teach him how to sing this song. Howard said this is the new Ronnie. He said when you ask him to do something he starts yelling. He said he has the worst personality.
Howard played more of the out takes and Ronnie was going off on Chris about the way he was telling him to do his lines.
Howard said he told Ronnie to just stand in the hall and don't say anything. He said the other day he was telling Chris he takes too many dicks in his ass. He said there are other security guys out there who don't say a word. He said Ronnie has to say that Chris takes too many dicks in his ass. He said he's a whole character out there. Robin said she thought he was happy about these opportunities.
Howard played more of Ronnie talking to Chris and telling him to just sing it instead of him. Howard asked what happened to civility around there. He said Ronnie isn't the one who should be telling people what they have up their ass. He said he has too much plastic up his ass. Howard said in most countries they're banning plastic straws because they're killing sea life. Howard said that they should ban plastic toys. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard came back and listened to the Humble Pie song a little bit. Howard did his radio guy voice talking up the song.
Howard said he heard JD, Jon Hein, Ronnie and Gary went out to dinner over the weekend. Howard said JD's wife picked the restaurant and it was in Long Island City so it took Gary an hour and a half to get there. He said it was a long drive for everyone. Howard said Gary had to be asked to get into the dinner party. He said Gary wasn't invited so he asked. Howard said he wouldn't ask. Gary said it was just Jon and JD at first. Howard asked if his wife wanted to get into that. Gary said she likes them. He said Ronnie is great too. He said it was great food and a great restaurant. He said he thought it would be a little wilder but it was nice.
JD said the had picked the place before they invited everyone. Howard asked why they wouldn't meet up in the city. JD said that they had been there before and they liked it. Howard said Manhattan is known for having the best places in the world. JD said they wanted to go somewhere they knew and they had been to before. Howard asked if it was Jon Hein and his eating habits. JD said he wanted to make sure Jon liked the place and knew the food there.
Howard said Jon is like a 7 year old when it comes to eating. He said he's a weirdo like that. Howard said Jon lives in the city. JD said he did suggest one place and his fiancee wasn't happy with it. JD said he was happy with it but Jon got offended that his place was put down.
Howard asked Jon what his place was. Jon said it was a place called Patricia's in Brooklyn but it was in Manhattan. Howard said that's confusing. Jon said everyone has an issue with it when someone picks a place to go. Jon said the place they went to was very good.
Howard asked if Gary dominated the conversation. Jon said it was fine. Gary said he felt bad when he left. He said the six of them are very tight and having 2 more may have screwed it up. Howard asked if he would go again. Gary said he's thinking of having them all over to their house. He said it went well and he'd love to go again.
Ronnie came in and said that Long Island City isn't that far. He said it's hard parking over there. He said that they took the subway. He said they were there in 20 minutes. He said they did that on Friday night. Howard said it was a big to do.
Ronnie said they didn't let Gary take over the conversation. He said they were shutting him down. Ronnie said JD's fiancee knows how to shut people down. He said you talk about something and she'll move on to something else. Howard asked if they have to shush him at all. Ronnie said they don't have to do that. He said Gary was trying to get in on something they were doing for JD and they had to shut Gary out of that. Gary said that's not how it happened.
Ronnie said they had some cake for Stephanie. He said her birthday was Wednesday but that goes on the whole month. He said they did something Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
Gary said he picked up the bill at the bar that night. Ronnie said he didn't know that. Howard said Gary picked it up so the have to invite him again. Ronnie said they usually put that bill on the check. He said that he met him through Richard. He said they invited Richard but he was with the baby. He said he had dropped off some wine for them that afternoon though.
Robin said it sounds nice. Ronnie said she used to hang out with them but not anymore. He said she used to hang out watching wrestling with the kids. Howard said she went through an illness and she's recovering. He said that's the excuse you use. Howard said that's his excuse too.
Howard wondered if other staff members get together. Ronnie said they do. He said they have the writing crew that gets together.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have to give Ronnie the Benjy treatment and stop him from coming in the studio. Howard said he disagrees. He said Ronnie is just funny and Benjy takes you off track. The caller said Ronnie sounds abusive of the staff. Howard said that's what's funny about him. He said he's a big star. The caller said he's asking for maybe a month or less of Ronnie. He said that they could see how the show goes after that. He said they can find out if he becomes gentler.
The caller wanted to do his impersonation of Ronnie. He did a few seconds of that before Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he heard about two chicks working with him at his house and Charlie would come up and tell them that they had better not be naked in the pool when he comes back. Howard said he told one of them that two women should get into bed with each other.
Howard said Charlie did get a lot of women back in the day. He said that was way back. He said he should put out a book about how to seduce women. Howard was doing his Charlie impression talking about how he might seduce women.
Howard said he loves that Charlie doesn't get what he did wrong. He said all he did was tell the women he didn't want to catch them playing with each other's tits.
Howard said Bill Cosby and Roman Polanski were kicked out of The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. Howard said it's about time for Roman Polanski. He said they expelled Harvey Weinstein and some guy who made copies of movies. Howard said that's great.
Howard said Conan O'Brien got his show cut down to 30 minutes. He said he'd love that. He said he's jealous. He said it's good news. Howard said that 30 minutes is enough TV time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his mom's best friend worked for Charlie Rose. He said his mom used to tell them that he would have interns come by so he could look in the mirror to look at their boobs while he tied his tie. He said the guy is fucked up. Howard said he kind of likes that he tells the women what he's looking for.
The caller said he was trying to make love to his wife and all he could think about was Ronnie and Brent. Howard said he thought Brent had more going on than that. He said they're making sex into an adventure and he's not sure why they have to do that. He said that it's a treat to have his penis in someone's vagina. He said he doesn't need more than that.
Howard did his Ronnie impression for a short time. He said there's nothing better than being in a vagina. He said Robin can quote him on that.
Howard said he saw Charlie Rose get an actresses phone number in 2 seconds back in the day. He said he liked Charlie. He said it's very confusing to know the guy and hear this stuff. He said he enjoys the guy. He said he didn't this stuff. He said Gayle King's head is still spinning over this. He said she has to make sure she says the right thing. He said she talks about what a dear friend he was. He said she says she can't discount what the women are saying. He said she sounds so confused.
Howard said Charlie Rose has had low ratings through his career but he made a ton of money from it. He said that it wasn't his ratings that got him paid. Robin said it was his reputation.
Howard did his impression of Gayle King talking about how confused she is about Charlie. Robin said she heard about Tom Brokaw being accused of doing things by women at NBC. Howard said he's not sure why NBC would care about Brokaw anymore. Robin said he's not even a salaried employee there. Howard said he doesn't get it. He said one woman claimed it was 50 years ago that he tried to kiss her.
Howard said 115 women signed a letter at NBC saying that Brokaw was nothing but nice to them. Howard said that he likes this because Brokaw felt he was always above him.
Howard read more about this Tom Brokaw thing. He was reading about how he's the network's golden boy. He said he doesn't think that's the case. He said he's their grandpa. Howard said Brokaw thought Howard Stern was indecent and disgusting. Howard said he was just talking about what Brokaw was allegedly doing in private.
Howard said meanwhile Gayle King is asking people not to ask her about Charlie Rose. He talked more about that. He said everyone is in a tizzy.
Howard said Megyn Kelly is saying there could be more to this and they don't know what they don't know.
Howard said Brian Williams is home thinking about how he's the least disgraced broadcaster at this point.
Howard said he loves when this happens to guys who thought he was disgusting on radio. He said that he was just saying what they were thinking.
Howard said Tom Brokaw did an audio book that the fucked with. He said they should have him do a call in. Fred had a clip of Brokaw struggling to say a word and pronouncing it bukakke. Howard asked what kind of news man that is. He said he doesn't remember where that came from. JD said it was a place in Russia called Buchalki. Howard said that's east of Fellatio and just north of Blumpkin.
Howard said they should offer trips to Buchalki Russia. Fred kept playing that Brokaw clip over and over.
Howard said that they don't have the Tom Brokaw clips. He asked the guys if they have those. He didn't get an answer.
Howard asked JD about some Larry King clips that he's putting out. JD said there's an app you get them on. Howard said Larry is doing his My Two Cents things. He said they still have the sound of a typewriter going as he says them. Howard said no one even knows what that sound is anymore.
Howard said he has Tom Brokaw on the phone. The guys in the back were playing the clips that they had edited from his audio book. They had Tom saying some weird shit about eating his father's asshole and weird things like that. They had a clip of him saying ''ass-hole'' that they used a lot in the stories they edited together. Howard said this only took a million man hours to put together.
Howard asked if Tom had any last words. The guys played some of the longer clips of Tom rambling about nonsense. Howard let Tom go after that. Howard said that's why he's never going to do an audio book.
Robin wondered who the guys are who stand around laughing at Larry. Howard said they're guys desperate for a job.
Howard said they have to lose the typewriter sound. He said it sounds like they sped it up too. Howard played another one of Larry's ''My Two Cents'' clips. Larry had some odd thoughts. Howard made up some more of his own. Fred played a typewriter sound while he came up with his lines.
Howard said if there's decent money in this he'll do it. He said he wants more than Larry King gets. JD said the app is called ''Hear Me Out.'' Howard said they probably pay Larry nothing for that. He played another ''My Two Cents'' thing from Larry. Howard did another one of his own. Fred added a bell sound at the end since he had left it out earlier. Howard had to do another one so he could get Robin's laugh and the bell in the same one.
Howard played more of Larry King's lines. Howard asked who thought that stuff through. He said the typewriter doesn't make sense. Howard did more of his own lines and had Robin laughing at the third one in each set. Howard was about to give up and said ''anyway...'' and Fred played a shortened typewriter sound.
Howard told Gary to get them on the phone with his agent. Gary said Larry is getting paid in stock from the company that does the app. He said it's an Australian company so it's kind of confusing how it works. Howard said he'll take some stock to do the same thing. He said he'll knock out a hundred in a day. Fred found a different bell sound that Howard liked. He said it sounded like it was broken. Howard made up more of his My Two Cents things. He was calling his ''My three cents.''
Howard said Larry got stock for that? He made up more of his own lines. He said he'd like stock in an app. Robin asked if it's working for the company. Howard said they're playing it. Gary said the stock for that company is at a 52 week low so Larry may owe them money. Howard made up more lines and just went on and on.
Howard played more Larry King ''My Two Cents'' and Howard made up a few more of his own. Howard asked if you get paid in stock to do that. He said he'd do it for Apple if they paid him in stock.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression giving his ''noine cents.'' He had a typewriter sound playing too. Sour was going on and on like Larry. Howard said he doesn't think he has too much material there.
Howard said he has to get to news. He took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who brought up Sean Penn and some poem he wrote about Charlie Rose. She asked who the fuck he thinks he is. Howard said he liked the poem with the crow sounds in it. Mariann had her own poem that she recited before Howard hung up on her. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Robin started her news with a story about a 13 year old who was brain dead and they were about to harvest his organs when he came out of his coma. Robin said he was the victim of severe brain trauma and for days he was considered brain dead. Howard said they were cutting him up for organ transplant? Robin said the day before that is when his brain waves started. Robin said they thought all brain function had ceased. Robin had some audio of the 13 year old talking about what he remembers. He thought he was in heaven. He said there was no other explanation than God. Howard said he saw an open field. He said he likes that if that's heaven. Robin said it must mean not very many people are going there.
Howard said Will's daughter fell out a window. Will came in and said his 4 year old fell out a window when she leaned on the screen and it fell out. He said she fell out on to an awning and she hit the awning and landed on the ground. He said she has a little booboo on her thumb and that's it. Howard said he appreciates that Will didn't even go home. He said he stayed at work. Will said she was fine so he didn't go home. Howard said that's the right thing to do. Will said they went to the hospital to check her out and she was fine.
Robin read more about he 13 year old who was brain dead and came back. Robin asked if other people have died before they should have. Howard said this is probably one time it was different.
Robin asked if they watched Saturday Night Live this weekend. Howard said he saw the news segment but that was about it. Robin said Stormy Daniels was in the opening of the show. Howard said he saw that. He asked if the crew there are upset about them bringing in all of these other guests to play parts. He said he likes it. Robin had some audio from the show for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Will is smart so why doesn't he have his windows child proof. Howard said they didn't have anything when he grew up. Ralph said these days it's basically an open window for the kid to fall out of. Howard said he just had screens. Gary said no one in the suburbs has child bars on the windows. Ralph said you have to nowadays. He said everyone is so careful. Howard said everyone should have a force field around their house.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ralph's boyfriend is going to fall out the window one of these days. He said Will is a dumbass too. He said he didn't know she was okay until after she went to the hospital. Howard said she was fine and the wife told Will that. Robin said she said she was going to take her to the hospital but everything looked fine. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Rudy Giuliani and the trouble he's been causing since he joined the Trump cabinet. Robin said he was confusing people with what he was saying about the Stormy Daniels thing.
Robin read a story about how President Trump could plead the 5th if he takes the stand with Robert Mueller. Robin said Giuliani is saying that Trump wants to talk to Mueller. Robin had a bunch of clips for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from Will's daughter who fell out the window. It was Wendy the Slow Adult clips saying ''yes'' to everything Howard asked her.
Robin read a story about Richard Painter and Alan Dershowitz getting into an argument on some show. She had audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Melania Trump making an announcement today. Howard said ''Uh oh...'' He said he's wondering about that. Robin said she is too. Robin said the President is pretending none of this is going on. Robin said this might be her official announcement of her platform as first lady. Howard said Trump is going to call him one day and tell him he was right to tell him not to run.
Robin read a story about John McCain and how he's preparing for the end of his life. Robin had some audio of his son in law talking about him. Howard said he met him and he seemed to be kind of happy to meet him. Robin said they say John is still chatty and happy and walking around. Robin said he's dealing with brain cancer and dealing with his funeral arrangements. Robin said his son in law says that they appreciate that they've been able to spend time with him.
Robin read a story about Tonya Harding being voted off of Dancing with the Stars. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read a story about a basketball player who was told by a member of the audience that he hopes he gets shot. Robin said the player has prayed that the guy gets the help he needs.
Howard had Sour Shoes back on the phone as George Takei talking about how he wants to be a judge on Dancing with the Stars.
Robin read a story about a Boston Bruins player who was licking players on the face but he's stopped doing it after the NHL told him to knock it off.
Robin read a story about Donald Glover hosting Saturday Night Live over the weekend. Robin said he was also the musical performer on the show as Childish Gambino. Robin had some of his music for Howard to play. Howard said he likes what he's hearing. Robin said he's also the new Lando Calrissian in the new Star Wars movie ''Solo.''
Robin read a story about a 64 year old man who has eaten his 30,000th Big Mac. Robin said he claims that he has low cholesterol and low blood pressure. Robin said they say he's a big OCD and that's how he has kept track of all of the Big Macs. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the big show they have today like they have every day. He took a call from a guy who said he wanted to let him know how great the show was yesterday. Howard said today's show won't be that good. He said they blew their load yesterday. He said they'll go through what they did yesterday. The caller kept interrupting Howard with his hellos for everyone. Howard tried to talk but the guy kept talking.
Howard said he has very little retention. He said he doesn't remember everything from the show other than talking like Larry King yesterday. He asked what else they did. Robin said they talked about Tom Brokaw. Howard said he exploded on the air as his parents yelling at him. Robin said he went off on the Rock & roll Hall of Fame. Howard said he remembers that. He had to hang up on the caller, Buddy, because he was still interrupting him.
Howard read some email about the hall of fame thing and said maybe he needed to be edited but he really doesn't want to be. He said he just wants to be heard. Robin said maybe he was the best editor ever. Howard said he doesn't want to be edited. He said if he was a musician he wouldn't want his song to be cut down by 2 minutes. He said he doesn't need to be edited. Robin said he came to the defense of that performer at the MTV video awards where they cut her off. Howard said he thinks they had her on the show. He said she was the best thing he saw and they cut her off in the middle of her song. He said that's just wrong. Howard said he's talking about himself now though. He said that was Julia Michaels. He said she had a hit song and they let her sing for a verse and a chorus and then cut her off. He said you've got to be kidding.
Howard said he was pissed yesterday but he won't go over that again. He said he doesn't want to be edited. He said he knew what he wanted to say. He said he enjoyed the hall of fame as much as he could have. He said he loves the guys in Bon Jovi. He said there you go. He said he did it and it was great. He said most of his day yesterday was spent responding to people about his speech. He said he was sending a link to everyone so they could see the whole speech. Robin said he's so weird. He said he sent the link to Al Rosenberg. He said Al sent him a nice note. Robin said he acts like she didn't like it. Howard said if course she did.
Howard said Al said he did well and called him young Jedi. He said Jeremiah Bosgang wrote him too. He said some guy wrote him and he wondered how he got his fucking email. He said that some guy named Sean Compton emailed him. He doesn't know how the guy got him. Sean told him that they edited something out of the Moody Blues speech. Brent told Howard Sean is the head of some radio company.
Howard said he Googled the guy and he was the Vice President of programming at Clear Channel. He said he doesn't know how he got his email. Howard said Sean got him all fired up again about the Moody Blues mentioning him and having that part cut out. Howard said he's going to change his email. He said Sean Compton pushed him over the edge.
Howard said people also liked their tribute to Joan Rivers. He said they wrote in about Ronnie's songs. He said they got email about the SiriusXM app that was updated. Howard said it only went out to like 1 percent of the subscribers. Howard said he gave a list of people who are worthy of it. Howard read some of the email from people about the video clips they have up. Howard said the new app is good to see how fat Benjy has gotten. He said if you don't have the new app then fuck you, who are you to have it?
Howard read more email about the app and how fat Benjy looks in the videos. Howard said he's told him not to eat so much. Howard said this person likes Benjy and doesn't want him to die. Howard said they say he should be put on the scale because he's as wide as High Pitch Erik. Howard said Benjy should lose some weight. He said he is single and going to people's apartments.
Howard said some people were talking about how Gary invited himself to dinner with Jon, JD and Ronnie. Gary said he wanted to go to dinner with Jon and JD and three years later they invited him. He said he wanted to get to know JD's fiancee better. Howard said that's a 3 year process of getting to dinner. He said he asked Ronnie if he's going to invite him again and he said he doesn't know. He said he didn't sound too excited about it. He said Ralph was very hung up on it too. He said he was talking about how Gary worked his way into that dinner. Robin said Gary should have invited JD to dinner. Gary said this is the first time Jon went out with them and he said let him know if he can go. Howard said he waited 3 years to go.
Howard asked who is that desperate to go to dinner with JD and Jon Hein. He said JD is very in demand. Robin said she thinks that Gary is jealous that Jon is part of that group. Gary said he's been out with Jon and his wife a few times in the past few years. Howard said it's weird that Gary wants to be in that group.
Howard said he pictures JD on the ''buddy bench'' that Melania Trump was talking about. Howard said the bullies are going to be waiting there by the buddy bench to punch them. He said the last thing he would have done in school was sit on that bench.
Howard said he has some audio of what's going on in Trump's head while Melania was making her speech. They had a fake Trump tweeting out about the speech and the buddy bench thing.
Howard said even President Trump doesn't get it. He said Trump said that if you sit on that bench you might as well sit on a cock. He said listen to Howard. If they put a buddy bench at your school don't sit there.
Howard said he can imagine going to the buddy bench and having people sit on him as a cushion. He said it's like a leper colony. He said only in the movies will a cool kid come over and sit there. Howard said Melania is watching too many movies where that kind of thing happens.
Howard said he has a teacher on the phone who says the bench works. The caller said that they do have one and he teaches elementary school. Howard said he can see it working there. The caller said it's changing the culture a little bit. Howard said how about just sitting on a cock. the caller said that might not go over well with the parents.
Howard said there was a girl who peed under the desk and no one wanted to sit with her. He said maybe the bench would have worked for her. Robin said that everything makes a difference for you when you are in school. Howard said it only works for little kids. He said everyone is acting like the movies where the cool kids come over. Howard said it doesn't work like that. He said in high school he was invisible and that wouldn't have worked for him.
The caller wondered if Melania is into this because of her kid. Howard said he doesn't know. He said that some people are saying that she stole another Michelle Obama speech. He said he doesn't care if she did that because Obama's speeches were good.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he felt bad for Gary about the dinner thing. He said that they hang out and they diss each other after. He said it's just fucking weird. Gary said he's fine. Ralph asked why he would want to hang out with those losers. Howard said he didn't hear anyone shitting on Gary. Gary said Ronnie said he was shut down. Gary said that's just not what happened though. Ralph said it's a fuck you to Gary. Howard said Ronnie was sitting on the buddy bench in school and now he doesn't need that.
Ralph asked what's going to happen with the editing on the Letterman thing. Howard said he said yesterday he will not go on any show where they edit him. He said he did the Letterman thing because he loves Dave. He said he didn't want to do the Hall of Fame thing but he loves Bon Jovi. He said he's not doing another show where they can edit him. Ralph said that if they don't let Howard edit it then don't bother. Howard said there was a lot of fat they could have trimmed from that show. He said they didn't need to trim his thing.
Ralph said he knew Howard would get nuts from the Letterman thing. Howard said he knows. He said he's just waiting to see how they do it. He said they have endless time on Netflix so he's not sure why they would have to edit it. He said that they're asking for photos and all of this other nonsense for that show. He said that he's not doing an Autobiography for them. Howard said he wants them to calm down there. He said he spoke to Dave for over 2 hours and they say they have to cut it down. He said he doesn't get why they have to. It's Netflix. He said he has interviewed Dave for an hour and a half and he doesn't edit it.
Howard said they begged him to do the show and now they're going to edit it down. He said he doesn't want to be edited. He said whatever he said they should just air. He said if Dave wanted it be shorter then he should have shut it down. He said that these Radical Brothers are going to sit there and edit him. He asked where the fuck they came from. He said radical Howard Stern is going to come after him. Howard said how about edit that Malala. He said how pompous of them to call themselves the Radical brothers. He said that he's worked up over that and he hasn't even seen it yet.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld interviewed him for 3 days and the show came down to 20 minutes. He said he wants to work with the ''we don't edit brothers.'' Howard said he doesn't want to be cut off mid sentence. He said it's Netflix so just go raw.
Ralph said he can't imagine them cutting it down. Howard said they have edited all of the shows down to an hour or less. He said they're going to cut his down.
Howard said he was watching one interview where they were interviewing Jay Z and they ended up in Rick Rubin's studio. Howard said they don't need to edit. He thanked Ralph for getting him riled up again.
Howard said Beth tried to calm him down over the Hall of Fame thing but he can't calm down over it. Robin said Ralph would have him doing nothing. Howard said he didn't tell him not to do the hall of fame. He said he gets him going after it was done. Ralph said he was thinking about it after Letterman. He said he won't listen to him like he listens to Beth.
Howard said he has to say sorry to Ralph for not having time to talk to him yesterday when he was at his apartment. Ralph said he knows shit comes up. Ralph said he said ''Hey douche bag'' and he saw his door was closed. He said he didn't know he was in a meeting. Howard said they heard that too. Ralph said he's sorry about that. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was editing the Letterman interview. He said that they can cut out the full hour. Howard spent a minute with that.
Howard said they're asking him to get fans to vote for Kid Kelly for the hall of fame. Howard said this is why he has to change his email. Howard said Kid Kelly does a wonderful job actually. He said they claim he got him coffee back at WNBC when he worked there. Howard said Gary doesn't remember that though.
Howard said he should be Kid Howard Stern. He said he is feeling old. He said Kid Larry King called him and said he liked the bit they did yesterday. Howard read more about the Kid Kelly thing and how they'll have more details about how to vote later this month. Howard said he would recommend that he say he doesn't want to be in the hall of fame. Howard said they waited too long to get him into the hall of fame so they asked not to be put in.
Howard said he did a segment about Kid Kelly running his board on the show once. Robin said she remembers that. Howard said they do a lot when they're talking up a song. He played an example of Kid Kelly doing his thing with a bunch of sounds behind him.
Howard said he's in radio and he doesn't know how to do this. He said this guy can be in any hall of fame he wants to be in. He asked what some of the sounds were that he was playing. He said you'd think that Z-100 has something going on. He said he sounds like he's directing traffic at the airport while this is going on. He said he wouldn't even think to put those sounds behind him. He wondered who the guy is that dreamt that up. He said it sounds like an airplane taking off. He said of course he deserves to be in the radio hall of fame.
Howard played another clip of Kid Kelly taking a call. Howard said he saw the video of this guy and he was doing all of the button hitting himself. He said he didn't have an engineer there. He said holy shit what's happening. Howard said this guy is really good. He said he wants to see this Rob Lowe movie that he's promoting.
Howard did an impression of Kid Kelly and said he's doubling his voice in that clip. Howard said that alone merits the radio hall of fame. He said he probably got a call from Scott Shannon about that voice doubling. Howard said he liked that airplane noise. Robin said she's never heard that. Fred said he has done it but not quite that way. Fred played some sounds for Howard.
Howard said it takes 10 guys to do that for him. He said maybe no one told Kid the hall of fame is in a guy's basement. Gary said they say it's much nicer now after being revamped. Howard said just imitating Kid Kelly is making his heart pound. He said he's in shape too.
Howard asked Brent what's going on with the hall of fame. Brent came in and said that Kid Kelly is probably almost 50. He also talk about the hall of fame and what's going on with that. Brent said that Kid Kelly did some stuff for Booey 100 and it was very interesting to watch. Brent said there's a radio hall of fame in Chicago and it's a real thing. He said it's not like this radio hall of fame they're talking about. Brent said that Fred should be in the hall of fame.
Brent said that they have legitimate guys on the board for the hall of fame. Howard wondered who could sit on that board. He threw out a bunch of names.
Howard said if he started a hall of fame he'd be more successful than this real radio hall of fame. He said he could have a hall of kids in there. He said he could have a hall of Johnny Dark's too. He said there are so many of them out there. H said they had one on WNBC. He said he assumed he was the only one but then he learned there were 50 Johnny Darks.
Howard said he is an admirer of Human Newman because he's the only one. Howard said he didn't know they upgraded the radio hall of fame. Brent said the guy who started it is out. Howard said that's kind of sad. Brent said that Craig Kitchen is running it now. Howard asked how many visitors they get a year. He said it must be like 3. Howard said if Kid Kelly wants to be in it then he'll back him. He said he's on it. He told Gary to remind him in June and they'll give him a shout out. He said please don't write him anymore about doing favors.
Howard said he has enough to worry about. He said he doesn't need people bothering him to do favors like this.
Robin said she doesn't think people believe him for a second when he says this stuff. Howard said they don't. He said he's Kid Aggravated. He played a bit the guys put together where they asked people to leave Howard alone. They went to break after that.
Howard said his wife tries to explain it to him and he doesn't get it. He said he knows she'd love to go but he won't do that. He said he draws the line at that. He said it's embarrassing. Robin said you can't even get up the steps with the get ups they're in.
Howard said Billy Graham annoyed the fuck out of him. He said he was one of those tent evangelists. He said the guy died and he thought they were done with that. He said now his son is out there doing what his dad did. He said now they have Franklin Graham. He said everyone buys into him because of who his dad was. Howard said the Associated Press interviewed him and he's saying that Trump's affair with Stormy Daniels is no one's business. He said in 1998 he wrote a letter about Clinton's affair and made it into a big deal. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck who Trump fucks but this Franklin Graham is changing his whole tune. Howard had some audio of him talking about this Trump thing. Howard said the whole religious thing freaks him out.
Howard said that Jim Bakker is now selling cabins in the Ozarks or something. He said he's claiming they're safe in the apocalypse. Howard said some guys just don't stop. He read about what Jim is trying to sell people along with the cabins. Howard said his followers must be the dumbest mother fuckers. He said somewhere in the Ozarks where no one wants to live. He said the name of the community is Bullshitville.
Howard said how about the water bottles for $150 each. He said if you're going to Bullshitville you have to hydrate during the apocalypse. He said you need a generator and food too. He said that they sell $2200 worth of food that lasts 7 years. He said they have fruit with a 20 year shelf life. He said that maybe it would be best to just be blown up instead of living like that. Howard said how about just going to heaven instead.
Howard said they called a religious radio show. He said they were saying that if you do something bad Jesus will forgive you no matter what. Howard said they named all of the sins they could think of and the hosts said that Jesus will forgive anything. He played the call where they called in with their sins like baking brownies out of their own feces and giving it to their co-workers. They asked if giving oral sex to his sleeping brother would be forgiven. The hosts said of course he will. She said he will forgive anything. They had a couple of other things they asked about before the hosts moved on.
They played a Jeff the Vomit Guy clip from 14 years ago when he was on the show. They said happy anniversary to vomit lovers and dreamers everywhere. They also played a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' bit. They went to break after that.
Howard said Jim Bakker ripped off his followers and ended up in jail. He asked if people are that stupid. Robin said yes. Howard said it's impossible. He said that people should be skeptical. He said that you can't trust anyone. He said that's the message they've been passing along the last 40 years.
Howard said he has some new JD's Favorite Things to play. He said he did a good job. Howard said he asked him to pull together some clips of things that they missed. Howard had Fred play the theme song for this segment. It was a Daniel Mendelson song parody about JD's Favorite Things.
Howard said there was a shooting at a mall last week in Nashville. He said this guy didn't actually witness anything but he was interviewed anyway. Howard said this might be his favorite clip ever. JD said the reporter just wanted to talk to the guy even though he didn't see anything. Howard played the clip and the reporter asked the guy to step over there and he was at one of the kiosks in the mall when the shooting happened. The guy said he didn't see anything and he just heard the shots and people were running and shit. He said he went outside and he can't make money today because the mall is shut down. He said he was outside in the sun getting a tan instead. He said he has to feed his family and he can't make money.
Howard said that's TV news rodeo. He said that guy hijacked the broadcast. Howard said the reporter must have been afraid to cut him off.
Howard said the guy was talking about how he couldn't make money and didn't even care that people were killed in the mall. Howard said he would hire that guy if he was in that area. He said if that guy puts dildos up his ass he's a home run.
Howard said JD has another one here. He asked if he wants to set this up. JD said he's better at talking than he is. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said that this is a Chris Weber clip. JD said he meant to say ambidextrous but he said something else. Howard said he says amphibious instead. He said it's awesome. Howard played the clip and Weber was talking about how the player is left and right handed and wondered if he's amphibious. Howard said that's a great clip.
Howard said this is pretty good too. JD said this is an Indian woman anchor interviewing a guy and the guy calls her ''baby'' and she does not like that at all. JD said she's from India. Howard said her name is Sunjana. He said she gets really pissed at this dude for calling her Baby. Howard played that clip and the reporter was talking to this guy and he called her baby so she went off on him saying he will not call her baby. she said he will answer the question. She went off on the guy saying that's no way to speak to a woman. She went off on the guy for a good minute or so.
Howard said he loves that. He said he realized he really enjoys hearing Indian women yelling at a guy. Howard said that was awesome. He said she set that dude straight. He said that guys have women problems because it sounds like their mom yelling at them. Howard said these guys grow up and it becomes a real problem. Howard asked if Ronnie would do well with that woman yelling at him.
Howard asked JD to set up this C-Span thing. JD said this guy called in an asked a guest if he wanted to shit in his mouth. Howard said a caller asks a politician if he wants to shit in his mouth. Howard played the clip and the guy asked the politician where this money comes from and then asked if he can shit in the congressman's mouth.
Howard asked if that delegitimizes the first question the guy asked. He said Larry King would rephrase it for the guest.
Howard asked JD why he's freaked out by this clip. He said this boxer was on Power 105 and said he would like to kill a guy in the ring. Howard said you have to go in with that attitude. JD said you can go in wanting to hurt someone but not kill them. Howard played the clip and the boxer talked about how he'd like to kill a guy. He said he really does. He said the power he has it's easy to do so. He said he had one guy who wasn't breathing once. He said someone is going to go.
Howard said that's just the way it is. He said he was sitting at home yesterday and JD sent him clips of white women trying to talk like black people. He said JD didn't want him to play them because it's just giving them publicity. JD said he was wavering back and forth about this. He said that it was like when they had the Teen Mom on there. Howard said JD hates these young white girls who are like tweens who talk in that black accent kind of thing. He said it annoys JD. JD said people are making them famous. Robin said it's like that girl Danielle Bregoli the Cash me Outside girl. Howard played a clip of that ''Cash me outside'' thing on Dr. Phil.
Howard said he saw she got a record deal. He said she didn't sound any worse than these other people. He said she has 13.1 million Instagram followers now. Howard said after that appearance on Dr. Phil she put out a song that went to number 77 on the Billboard chart. Howard said poor JD is driven insane by that. Howard played another song that Danielle released. Her rap name is Bad Baby. Howard said she's nominated for an award. JD said making people famous for being assholes is out of control.
Howard said he says white people shouldn't be allowed to do this. He said other than Eminem and the Beastie Boys. JD said he likes some Iggy Azalea stuff. Howard said here you go.
Howard said there's a girl who is white who is pissing off black people saying she's black after Ancestry.com said she was 25 percent African. Howard played a clip of the girl using the N-word and going off on the people who don't believe her saying that she's black. Howard said if you have to check that site to see if you're black, you're not black.
Howard said he doesn't need to check that to see if Robin is black. Howard said that Rachel Dolezal looks blacker than this girl.
Howard said this girl Vicki put out a track where she dissed this guy who came out against her. She had to apologize for saying ''ching chong'' in the song because the guy was Asian. Howard said she looks whiter than most white people.
Howard said Vicki was arrested at a mall and she was listened as white on the arrest report. Howard had another one of her rap songs to play. Howard asked if anyone is buying this stuff. JD said he doesn't know.
Howard said this next girl is 9 years old and she's talking shit. Her name is Lil Tay. Howard played a clip of her going off about how she has an iPhone X and bragging about that. Howard said he ended up watching all of her videos. He said he must be a fan. Howard played more of her talking about how she's 9 and a millionaire. She said she smokes dope and drives a sports car.
Howard said he's not sure what the fuck is going on there. He played another clip of Tay talking about when she was 6 and how she was broke as hell. She said she woke up one day and started working hard.
Howard said she's only 9 years old. He said she was talking about how broke she was at 6. He had a rap song she did called Money Way. Robin said she defies him to ever see her looking up Lil Tay. Howard played the song. Howard said she claims that she bought a Jaguar in the latest video. He said that she got into a fight in a mall with other rappers. JD said that was at Coachella . JD explained how that all happened. He said he didn't want to get into all of that.
Howard played Lil Tay talking about her new Jaguar that cost her $130,000. She said she's only 9 years old and she has that.
Howard asked JD if he has anything he wants to say to wrap this up. JD said this is a terrible plague on this country. He said they love to make any sort of idiot asshole famous.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said this is kind of racist. He said it's all black guys and an Indian guy. JD said that's Ralph putting that together. Howard said he asked The Riddler to drop by from Gotham. He said he's not sure how many people are watching that show but it's good. Howard asked if JD is watching it. JD said no. Howard said he should be. He said it's a really good show. Howard said this guy is good. He said his name is Cory Michael Smith. Howard said he's great as the Riddler. He said he deserves some attention. Howard said he's no Lil Tay though. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he has Cory Michael Smith there. He said he's a good actor. He said that he's on Gotham and he's really good as The Riddler. Howard said he looks really different. He said that he has to stare at him a little bit. Howard said it's weird to see him. He said he looks so much younger in person. Howard asked how old he is. Cory said he's 31. Howard said he looks like a kid. Cory said he feels like he gains back 5 years when they're on hiatus. Howard said he stated watching the show and finally they get to see what the Riddler is all about. Howard said he must have thought it wasn't going to be that great of an acting experience. Cory said he worried about screwing it up. He said he's stoked to do it. He said they're charting part of the mythology that hasn't been touched. He said if he's going to be part of it he might as well do it right. Howard said this whole season has been around the Riddler. Cory said it's been a slow burn for him. He said it's been over 4 years. He said he's been able to do different people truly growing.
Howard said Cory didn't read comic books as a kid. Howard said that's all he did. He said his name was Ed Nygma. He said that it's like a riddle because he's an enigma.
Cory said he flew in last night and he was out with his family on vacation. He said they are sitting in the parking lot of the hotel listening to this today. Howard asked if his brother isn't in the business because he thinks about what that would have been like for him. He said it's best if he's not in the business. He said Cory is making movies and doing this show. He asked what his brother does. Cory said he works for a natural gas company. He said he makes good money. He said he and his wife have a bigger house than they grew up in. He said he's doing very well for himself. Cory said his brother was a soccer player and he was in theater and band.
Howard asked if the whole family went on vacation. Cory said the whole family is tight. Howard said it's nice that he can stomach them. Cory said they're going to be down there all week. Howard said it's sweet that they all did that. Howard asked where in Florida they were. Cory said it was south of Tampa. He said he had a great time down there but it's not the place he would choose to go.
Howard said Cory started out in theater and he got in a movie called Dog Food. Cory said he did a short film that his friend wrote called Dog Food. He said it's 18 minutes long and Amanda Seyfried is in it. He said it's on YouTube. He said she starts acting and she goes into this other world. He said he saw him do two plays off Broadway and he put him in this short. He said he told him he thought he was great and he asked him to do this thing. He said he thought he wanted him to play this side role but it was the lead. He said the movie is great. He said it's a short horror film. Howard said the people from Gotham saw him in it. Cory said he's not sure if that's where they saw him.
Howard asked how many people he was up against for the Riddler. Cory said he's not sure but he'd like to say it was like 50 guys. Howard asked if he worked with any of the other crew. Cory said when he auditioned for that he had made a movie with Kristen Stewart called Camp X-Ray. He said it hadn't come out yet. Howard said she seems very intense to him. Cory said she is. Howard said he did a play with Emilia Clarke too. Cory said he was naked in a tub with her. Howard said she does all of this naked stuff but now she's stopping. Cory said she did the naked tub thing with him and she was done.
Howard asked if he gets why she stopped. Cory said that people were taking pictures of her during the play. He said the show wasn't that great. He said it ran for about 4 weeks. He said he doesn't know if it was the publicist for the show or if people were really taking pictures. He said he's kind of cynical about it.
Howard asked if he's still friends with Emilia. Cory said he was just texting her yesterday. He said he's going to hang out with her in a few weeks.
Howard asked Cory about a play he was in called Cock. Cory said he played a bisexual who was dating a man and he meets a girl and has sex with a girl and has sex with her. He said he's dating both of them and he's ruining lives. He said that play really started his carer.
Howard said Cory is great in Gotham. He said he plays the part very well and he doesn't overdo it. He said that he had the Penguin in there too. Cory said he heard that interview. He said he works with a lot of great people. Howard said it sounds like a dream job. He said they shoot over 9 months. He said it's a bit of a haul. He said he's been lucky that he's been able to do some tother stuff.
Howard asked what he did in his audition. Cory said they didn't tell them who they were auditioning for. He said he was told he was auditioning for a character named Ned. He said that he got it though. He said the audition was for a weird dude who is super meticulous. He said it sounded like his life. Howard said they didn't even tell him it was Gotham or anything. Cory said yeah. He said he had done a few things but they hadn't seen anything. He said he didn't even audition for the casting director. He said it was the assistant. Howard asked who got him into the audition. Cory said it was his agent. Cory said he had done a show but they hadn't even seen that yet. He said he did a pre-screen and this woman got him into it. He said they got a call and they were kicking him straight into the producer audition. He said he did that and they sent the tape on to Warner Brothers and FOX. He said he didn't have to go through the network testing and all of that. He said that was nice.
Howard said Cory has said that when he is playing the Riddler... He got side tracked when Cory was looking for a water. He said he wasn't sure if he should take the label off. Howard said it's fine. He said he used to drink a lot of water but now he has to lay off or he has to pee every few minutes.
Howard said he wants to talk about this Riddler character. He said he heard he thinks about this kid he went to school with when he's playing the character. Cory said they had lockers but the kid didn't use a locker. He said he would carry 5 or 6 text books around with him. Howard said he was that kid. He said that he'd get his ass beat if he went to his locker. He said he was that douche bag with all the books. Cory said he went to high school with the kid but he was very awkward. He said nothing seemed right about it. He said he seemed brilliant though. He said that he would walk on the front of his feet. He said his heels never touched the ground. He said he physically modeled the character after him in the beginning. He said Ed found his swagger after that so he has changed.
Howard asked Cory about what he means when he reads a script that it's musical. Cory said he is a musician. He said that he can pull out his phone and look up guitar tabs and stuff. He said he can jam it out if he hears a song he likes. Howard asked if he can sing. Cory said he can sing and he has been in a musical. He said there was a play on Broadway called Bright Star and he was the first person to workshop that. He said Steve is amazing. Howard asked why he thinks he's amazing. Cory said he's an incredible comedian, a great actor and a great banjo player. He said he's got an eye for art too. He said he's a creative genius.
Howard asked if Cory was nervous working in front of Steve Martin. Cory said he wasn't that nervous. He said he was invited by the director to do it. Howard said he's on fire with his career. Howard asked where he went to school. Cory said he went to Otterbein University. Howard said he must be the big alumni. Cory said there are a few others who are big.
Howard asked Cory if he watched any old Riddler characters like Jim Carrey. He said Jim said he was doing a really good job. Cory said he used to do impressions of Jim as a kid. He said that he never saw him play The Riddler though. He said he was afraid he would impersonate him. He said that he loves Jim and thinks he's a genius. He said it would have been bad for him. Howard said maybe it's good that he never read the comics. Cory said he likes them now. Howard said he never had a life as a kid. He said he was on the buddy bench reading the Riddler. He said he goes back to when Frank Gorshan played the Riddler. He said he wore spandex and all of that. Cory said he'll never wear spandex. He said he hopes they work up to him having a cane at some point. He said he wants to have a cane fight with Penguin.
Howard asked who is the biggest criminal in the show. Cory said that the Riddler is smarter but Penguin is ruthless. He said he and Robin have a blast working together. He said that they have a great chemistry on the show.
Howard said it's great that he gets to make out with Morena Baccarin on the show. He said that she's married to Ben Mackenzie who is also on the show. Howard said that's so cliché. He said he really likes Ben. He said he watched him in a cop show he was on.
Howard said that even if his career tanks he could make a fortune at the conventions. He said Leonard Nimoy made coin off of that. He said William Shatner is still making good money off of that. Cory said he knows they can make a salary after just one appearance. He said he has been so some of the conventions and they're exhausting. He said these people are showing up to meet you and he gets very emotional. He said it's incredible the joy you experience from these people. He said he doesn't know how to express enough gratitude toward them. He said he just starts crying. He said he appreciates the fans. Cory said it's a weird environment.
Howard said he has never been to a comic book convention but you have to buy a change belt. He said if you can make your own change it's a good thing. He said 90 percent of those people were on the buddy bench as kids.
Howard said he found it very moving when he did his book signings. He said that you don't see the fans usually so it's very exciting in a way. Howard said he's a big fan of Cory's. Robin asked why he uses 3 names. Cory said his last name is Smith so there are a lot of them. Howard said he did need that third name. He said look at Millie Bobby Brown. He said she has to have that middle name or she's just Millie Brown.
Howard asked Cory about the movies he has coming out. Cory said that he has one coming out about Neil Armstrong. He said that's leading up to Apollo 11. He said that he plays an astronaut who dies in Apollo 1. He said the cast is big. He said he got to hang out with some of the stars of the movie. Robin asked if people think that he's only in TV so it's not as big as a movie. Cory said he thinks that's kind of going away. He said there are a lot of people who cross over.
Cory said the other movie is 1985 and that comes out in June. He said they're going to have a small release this fall. He said he's starring in that and also an Executive Producer on it. Howard said he must be making some good money on Gotham. Cory said he had nothing going on at the time so they caught him young. He said he's making freshman money. Howard asked if he has gone to them about getting a raise. Cory said he has and they don't want to give him a raise. Howard said they could replace him. Cory said that's why they have agents. He said his parents thought he was a millionaire too. Howard said meanwhile he was sharing a room with his brother on vacation with the family. Cory said he actually was.
Howard asked what they're going to do when the kid playing Bruce Wayne gets a little long in the tooth. He said he's starting to look older already. Robin said he's taking on more responsibility. Howard said that kid must be getting laid a lot. Cory said he thinks that he's brilliant. He said he may have gotten a perfect score on his SAT. Howard said it would be great if he turned into the real Batman. He said he could do like Bela Lugosi did and think he's the character he played.
Howard said the show is really good this season. Cory said the show just gets bigger and bigger. He said they throw the special effects money into the last few shows. Howard told him to let that Morena chick know he says hello. Howard said he's a big fan. Cory said that she and Ben are great together. Howard said Ben is shorter than him. Howard said it must bug Ben when he kisses his wife. Cory said he doesn't think he's a threat to Ben. Howard said that's got to be tough. Cory said she's also making out with Ryan Reynolds. Howard said she's susceptible to anyone on the set. Cory told Ben to stop listening.
Howard gave Cory some plugs and said he's wishing him the best. He said he's watching the show and he's the ultimate connoisseur of comic books. Howard said he heard that the kid who plays Batman on the show is an Orthodox Jew. Cory said he is passionate about his religion. Robin asked if he eats kosher on set. Cory said he does. Howard said he should grow a peyus. Howard said that the girl who plays Cat Woman adopted a cat from them. Cory said that's Camren. Howard said that's right. Howard asked if she's an Orthodox Jew. Cory said he doesn't think so.
Howard asked if he wants to say anything to the fans. Cory said they have 2 episodes for this season and they have not been renewed for the next season. Howard asked Jon Hein how the ratings are for Gotham. Jon said that they're okay but the last two are very important for getting renewed. Cory said their DVR numbers are great. He said the seasons on Netflix are doing well too. He said if people aren't watching live they're not making money so that's where it counts. Cory said that the fans have to get on social media and yell at FOX to renew. Howard said this will help.
Howard gave Cory more plugs and said the show is on Thursday's on FOX. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he likes Gotham and he doesn't like being edited. He said he is exhausted. He said he likes Richard's Dad. He said he should do an update on him.
Howard said he likes Fifty Shades Freed too. He said he and Beth were talking about that. He said he watched the third one instead of the second one. He missed it. He said he likes that Dakota Johnson. He said she doesn't have big boobs. He said guys don't care about big boobs that much. Robin said there are some who do. Howard said Dakota Johnson has enough for him. He said when she takes off her top he likes her. He said he likes it, sorry. He said that's why they made that movie. He said he's a big fan. Robin said she's just sorry there's nothing else for her to do now. Howard said he'd see her in anything... if she's topless. Howard said at one point her husband put ice cream on her titties. He said she's so sweet. He said he thinks about her life and how her mom is Melanie Griffith and her dad is Don Johnson. He said the whole family is famous and now she's an actress. He said good for her. Robin said her mother had the same problem. He said Melanie's mom was Tippy Hedren. He said she used to keep a lion in the house. He said at least his parents didn't do that. Howard was arguing with Robin about Tippy's last name. Robin said it's Hedren and Howard said it's Hendron.
Howard said Dakota Johnson's mom was Melanie Griffith and her mom was Tippy Hedren. He said she used to keep a grown ass lion in the house. Howard said young Melanie didn't get eaten somehow. He said Alfred Hitchcock was a big fan of Tippy's. Gary said there's a movie about how Hitchcock was obsessed with her. He said that he got her in the back of a car and just jumps on her and tries to fuck her. Howard said he should be living where Roman Polanski is living. Howard said that's some family tree for Tippy, Melanie and Dakota. Howard said now she has to have a hot chick daughter so he can beat off.
Howard said he likes Dakota. He said he's not sure what her story is. Robin said she's like a cute little non-actress. Robin said those movies don't require acting.
Howard said that's almost child abuse. Gary said he's looking at one from 7th grade that doesn't have grades on it. He said it's just signatures from his parents. Howard said he wouldn't keep copies of how stupid he was. Gary read some more grades and they were C grades. Howard asked why he would keep that. He asked Bobo if he asked his mom why she saved them. Bobo said she wanted him to look back at how he struggled and how he got better. Bobo said you hope that your kid does well. Robin asked why he hangs on to them. Bobo said he was going to show his kid but he decided not to.
Gary read more of Bobo's grades and they weren't all that great. Howard asked why he would save that. Gary read that he got a 65 in Phys Ed in another grade. Bobo said it was child abuse in Phys Ed. He said they used to let the jocks throw the ball at your head.
Gary said he has one more. He said this is from junior high school. He said the teacher said he's a constant source of aggravation. He read about the awful things the teacher wrote. Bobo asked how they write that stuff about a kid. He said it was horrible to write. Howard said he wouldn't want to save that. Bobo said 6th grade was the worst. He said he got his head slammed against a wall during an air raid alert. He said the teacher slammed his head against a wall. He said that's child abuse. He said that's what they did to them. He said he's ''more traumatic'' over that.
Gary said he sent him pictures of the front, back and side of his elementary school. Bobo said he thought they'd like to see where he went. Howard asked why he would think they'd care.
Gary said Shuli has 2 words for Bobo to spell. He said they're 5th grade level words. Howard had him come in. Shuli asked him to spell and use the word Callus. Bobo spelled it ''Calus.'' He used it like callus on your hand.
Shuli had him use and spell Coerce. Bobo spelled it ''Couruse.'' Howard said he knew he was going to get it wrong. Bobo said they can't be 5th grade. He said they have to be high school words. Howard asked what's going on with him .Robin said the report cards tell you... not much. They played Bobo a song parody from Little Mikey. Howard let Bobo go after that.
Howard said that Bobo's mother kept a record of his stupidity. He and Fred did their Bobo voices like Elmer Fudd. Howard said that's funny.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a special education teacher. Howard did his Bobo voice saying he teaches too. Howard said he has never heard worse comments about someone than he heard about Bobo. He said that's something a parent wouldn't save. He said that you quickly rush the kid into a program to help them out. He said Bobo is the kid who fucked up the class for a teacher. He said the teacher was crying out for help.
The caller said he just called to say he wants more calls to Tradio. He said he loved that Dill Dough call. Howard said they're going to put Bobo in the Hall of Disappointment. He said he got Cs and Ds.
Howard said he went to a camp for kids who were like Bobo. He said just imagine getting a report card like that. He said it's really bad.
Howard played the call and Richard's dad said that they are taking Boomer as their dog after the neighbor said they could have him. He said the dog was in the barn barking at the hoot owl out there. He said he's not sure what's going to happen with those confrontations.
Howard said it's like going back in time listening to that. Richard came in and said he used to shit in the yard as a child. Howard said Boomer is now his brother. Richard said the dog just showed up one day and stayed.
Howard said he loves hearing this because his dad never did this. He said he wouldn't call to say anything to him. He said his dad would only call to critique him. He said he never called to just say hi.
Howard said he has another clip of Richard's dad talking about the dog doing stuff on the farm. Robin said this is a job for Ace Ventura. Howard said the owl was chasing the dog and the dog is a hero for chasing raccoons and stuff.
Howard played another message from Richard's dad. He had the update about the owl and how it has babies. Howard said sometimes he zones out because he gets into too many details. Richard said he has to carve out about an hour and a half sometime to talk to him. Robin said she loves listening to this. She said she likes to hear what it would be like living on that farm.
Howard said this message goes on for a while. He said he thinks he's going to pass on it. Robin said he wants to hear the story. Howard played more of the message and Richard's dad was talking about a racoon killing their chickens and how the dog killed the 'coon. He said they call him a coon dog now.
Howard said he has another voicemail message. In that one Richard's dad was going on and on about what was going on at the farm. Howard said his dad never made calls like that to him. He said his dad would work with famous people and not even tell him about that. Howard said his dad would come home and tell him to shut up. He said he'd claim that he and his mother were teaming up on him.
Howard played more of the message and said he can't take this. He said he loves the guy and he's a brave man. He said Richard's dad shoots squirrels in the head so they don't ruin the meat. Richard said he uses a .22. He said he doesn't use a scope either. He said he's amazing at skeet shooting. Howard said Keanu Reeves is really good at shooting too. Richard said he was good at skeet shooting too. He said that he was second in the county. Howard asked if his dad could take on John Wick. Richard said sure. Howard and Fred were doing their Richard's dad voices.
Richard said his uncle shot his dad in the foot once. He said that he just revealed that it was him recently. He said he kept it secret for years.
Howard said he has another voicemail from Richard's dad where he talks more about Boomer and how he chased a squirrel and he ended up shooting it and eating it. Richard's dad said the dog is a squirrel dog too. Howard said how about sending him a few bucks so he doesn't have to eat squirrel. Richard said his dad loves them. Howard said it sounds like they can't afford to go to the market. Richard said it's not close by. Richard said the squirrel is a treat for them. Howard asked how he prepares it. Richard said he hasn't seen it in years. He said he thinks his mom just fries it. Howard said it doesn't seem like there's a lot of meat on them. Richard said there's more than you'd think.
Richard said his parents were there a few weeks ago to meet Carson. He said they can't shoot the squirrels there but his dad looks at them.
Howard asked Richard about getting some jerky for his parents and they didn't like it. Richard said it's good so he bought 4 pounds of it. He said this had a lot of seasoning in it and they didn't like that. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of this. He said he wants to get back to the city.
Howard said he slept in a corn bin in Kansas when he was a kid. He said that they had so much fun in that. He said you sink into the corn. Richard said he must have freaked out about the corn bin scene in ''A Quiet Place.'' Howard said he didn't freak out.
Richard said that he had some cancerous growths removed from him and when he was a kid he never wore sun screen. He said he does now. Howard said he was told he has to wear it indoors. He said you get sun walking by the windows. Howard said that's life on the farm. He did a live commercial read after that. Richard mentioned a story about vomiting out of the 5th floor of a parking garage once. Howard said imagine you're walking by a parking garage and Richard vomits on you. Robin said she had that with Benjy once.
Robin started off talking about being out in Napa and how she stopped in San Francisco. That led to Howard doing his mother's voice telling Robin she does too much. Robin said she hasn't been doing too much. Howard had his mom asking Robin why she's doing so much. Robin said she was just being with friends and it was nice. Robin said she was out there at a fund raiser for the Pathway House. Robin said that's where a former patient went in and shot 3 women. Robin said they treat people from Afghanistan and the Iraq war. Robin said they did that and she was hanging out with Ray Mancini. Howard was still in his mother's voice asking who she thinks she is, Mother Theresa. Robin said she's not finished with the story. Howard said she does the wrong thing. Howard had his mother talking to Robin about how it's best not to leave the house. He said she needs to rest and stay home. Robin said on Saturday evening she got on a red eye flight to get back to New York. Robin said she got home around 6:30 in the morning. She said at noon she went to Cat Camp with Jackson Galaxy. She said that hundreds of cats were adopted this weekend at that event. Robin said Jackson is an amazing advocate for cats. Howard was still doing his mother's voice telling her she has to stop doing so much. Robin said she's okay now but Howard's mom was telling her that she's still doing the wrong things. Robin said she had so much fun.
Robin read a story about what's been happening on Dancing with the Stars. She had some updates. Howard said he doesn't want to see that show. Robin said Kareem Abdul Jabbar was kicked off last night. Robin said Tonya Harding was not kicked off like she said yesterday. Howard said that woman doesn't even look like Tonya Harding. He said whoever that was didn't look like Tonya.
Robin read a story about today being National Teacher's Day. Robin read about a school where someone was leaving human feces on a field at a school running track. Robin said they set a trap and found out who was doing it. It turned out to be the Superintendent of the school district. Robin said they say he was a runner and he'd go out and run and take a dump. Robin said they say he has not resigned his position. Howard wondered how he was taking a dump. He said his ass must be a mess. Robin said if you poop outside you may not care about wiping. Robin said he was running early in the morning so they had to stake out the location.
Robin read a story about a correction officer who has a huge, stinky penis that people are hearing about. Robin said that he's been charged with sexual assault. Robin said they figured out he was the culprit because everyone described the size of his penis and how bad it smelled. Howard said every penis is smelly. Robin said they said it was a really strong smell like he never washed or took a shower. Howard asked how they know it wasn't the balls. He said when he gets stinky down there it's usually the ass juices. Robin said they described this guy's penis as being big and fat. Howard said what a lucky guy. Robin said they say it was curved too. Howard said it sounds like he had a lot of cheese on that cock.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression. Howard asked if he's getting excited about this penis talk. Sour had Balls the caller on the line with him so Howard bailed on the call. Howard said Balls is no comedian. He said Sour is a genius but he didn't know Balls was going to be on the phone. Howard said Sour is such a nut that he thought that they'd get that Balls was the other caller. Howard said he can't rein Sour Shoes in. He said he has tried. He said somehow Sour thought it would be good to get Balls on the line to call him stinky Balls. Howard said he's a fucking maniac. He said he keeps crossing his fingers that Sour will know they have to keep it simple. He said sometimes simple is best on radio. Howard said they had a meeting last week about how they could rein in Sour Shoes. He said they had a Sour Shoes meeting. He said whenever Sour is there they have to have the guys restraining him to make sure he doesn't veer off. He said they have to taze him. He said they tell him to just stick to George Takei. He said next thing you know Balls is on the phone with him. Robin said he does a great George. He said they didn't get to hear it there.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Sour has tried to get him to call in with him before too. He said he just tells him no. Howard said there are 5 people who listen to the show who know who Balls is. Ralph said he had him on recently doing Mike Francesa and he could have kept him on the line for all of the news if he had just stopped doing all of his other voices. Howard said they had a plan to turn him into a superstar and they just can't do it. Ralph said he thinks he can rein him in. Howard said he doesn't think he can do it. Ralph said you have to talk to him a certain way. Howard told him to give it a try.
Howard said they have a binder of strategies for Sour and they just don't work. He said you have to let him just do his thing. He said he loves that Ralph thinks he's a Sour Whisperer. Howard said they had charts and graphs and everything. He said he's not kidding about that. He said they should send him to an obedience school. Howard asked the guys if they knew he was going to have Balls on the phone. Jason said they did not know that.
Robin read a story about the Met Gala and what was going on there last night. Robin read about some of the people and what they were wearing there. Robin said that Tom Brady was there in a black suit with some kind of gold design on it. Robin said people were weighing in on it and saying he looked like a James Bond super villain and things like that. Howard said he just got into it. Gary said Memet was really upset with him. He said he was outraged at what he was wearing.
Robin said that Vladimir Putin is going into his fourth term as president of Russia. Robin said Steven Seagal was there front and center celebrating him. Howard said that's a weird dude. He said he's living in Russia part time and sucking up to Putin. He said it's just weird. He said he's becoming a super villain. Howard said Russia didn't make him a super star. He said someone has to remind him of that.
Robin read about Joe Piscopo and how he's complaining about Saturday Night Live. Robin said Joe is pissed and saying that having Stormy Daniels on was crossing the line. Howard asked why that is. He asked what line that is. Robin said he says he's really loyal to the show but that was crossing the line. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said Joe was a stand up comic. He said she used to work with some outrageous comedians. He wondered what's going on there.
Robin read about how Melania Trump announced what her focus is going to be as First Lady. Howard had a fake clip he played before the audio that Robin had. Robin said she has expressed her concerns about the future for our children. Howard asked if we can't pick on any kids even if they're weird and ugly. Robin said that's right. Howard said he's a big supporter of the buddy bench. He said just don't sit there or you'll be ridiculed.
Robin read a story about Bill O'Reilly trying to make a comeback. Robin said they say that he has offered to take on reporters with Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Howard said he's sure they'll take him up on that. Robin read about how Bill was dismissed by FOX News after it was revealed that he paid 32 million to women to hush accusations against him.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who gave him a ''Chello!'' Jeff said he thinks that Tiger Woods has a good shot of winning the Players this weekend. Howard said there you go. He said there's a Jeff prediction. Jeff said he does believe that will happen. Howard asked when he's going to say Choodbye. Jeff said he wanted to tell him about Bobo. He wondered why his mother would save that stuff. Jeff also said with Sour Shoes he was in line to see him at the Birthday Bash and Sour got behind him and he knew the exact route he took to get there from his house. Howard played a song parody for Jeff about how his calls all suck. Howard tried to get Sour Shoes on as Mike Francesa but he wasn't there. Howard said when the show is on a roll he puts Jeff on to slow them down. Howard had Fred do his Jeff voice and tell him what he said. Fred did that for a minute. Howard said he was just letting Jeff go and giving him a shot.
Robin read a story about Sarah Sanders and how the Washington Post did a whole article on Melania and where she lives. Robin said that Sarah Sanders said that Melania lives at the White House even though this article says that she lives in Maryland. Robin had some audio of Sarah saying that the Washington Post is wrong and Melania lives at the White House. She said she hopes they'll do better next time with their reporting. Howard said he's really getting down. Robin said she also says the Russia investigation has gone on too long. Robin had clips for Howard to play. Howard said there have been some indictments in that case. Robin said no one knows where that thing is going. Howard said she's got confidence. He said he was listening to that guy Governor Huckabee and he was defending his daughter. He said that's his baby and he has to defend her. He didn't like anyone making fun of his daughter. He said he's a father so he gets that. He said he's really into this Huckabee Sanders. He said he wonders where she came from. Robin had some details about where she went to school. They spent a few minutes talking about her. Howard had some audio of Mike Huckabee defending his daughter. Howard said good for him defending his daughter.
Robin read a story about how Trump is going to let us know if he's going to take us out of the Iran nuclear agreement or not.
Robin read a story about the New York Attorney General, Eric Schneiderman, resigning after some women accused him of sexual harassment. Robin said they are accusing him of being physically and emotionally abusive. Robin said he's denying it and saying he was into role play. Robin said this guy was going after Harvey Weinstein and tying himself to the #MeToo movement. Robin said he says he doesn't agree with what the women are accusing him of but it's going to affect his job so he's stepping down. Howard said the women he's seeing are really beautiful. He said that if you want women then you should become attorney general. Robin read about Donald Trump Jr. tweeting about that story because he had gone after his father. Robin said it's weird to be doing that when there are questions about what your dad has been up to.
Robin read about how Cynthia Nixon is looking for a debate between herself and Governor Cuomo. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how he didn't get to drink his coffee. He said he hates his New York accent when he says ''cawfee.'' He said Cardi B is coming in today. He said he met her at some show he did. Robin said it was the Jimmy Kimmel show. Howard said he met her there in the hallway. Robin said she was the musical guest. Howard asked if Robin was there. Robin said she was.
Howard said he has to get to many topics today. He said he was just talking to the guys in the back about porn. He said they all figured out they watch mom and step son porn. He said they found some mom and son porn that's popular on YouPorn. He said there's a lot of incest stuff on there. He said the guys were all talking about how they have no desire to fuck their mothers. He said they think it's the idea that someone is coercing someone into something. He said the son is like ''I don't want to do this'' but then the mom convinces him to do it. He said Gary said he doesn't think it's weird to want to fuck your step mother but wanting to fuck your mother is. Gary said it's insane to think about fucking your mom. Howard said 99 percent is step mom and step son or step sister fucking step brother. He said there's no blood relation. He said this clip is a mom banging her son. He said the reason it's popular is that someone is resisting the notion of it.
Robin said she thinks that's a flimsy explanation of it. Howard said this is some mom and son porn he's going to play. Jason came in and said he is really into incest porn. He said that he hit on it being the seduction. He said that there's the thing where it's wrong and it's taboo. He said that there's a genre out now where the mom and son or daughter have to share a bed. He said it's kind of quiet at night and someone starts touching someone else. Howard said he's seen the step brother and sister fucking and the mother will talk to them while they're fucking. Howard said she's the worst mother on the planet. He said he criticizes the parenting there. Jason said there was one where the daughter was giving her step father a blow job at the dinner table and the mom didn't know.
Jason said there's this thing called hold the moan porn where people can't make noise while they do things in public or they will give it away. Howard said he doesn't think he cares about that. Jason said that it's a taboo thing. Howard asked Jason how often he's beating off. Jason said it's a few times a week. He said he thinks it's about even with how many times he's banging his wife. Howard asked how old he is. Jason said he's 39. He said he has to do it to get to sleep. Howard asked if his mom ever caught him beating off. Jason said she never did but he's not sure if he ever left evidence behind.
Jason said he jerked off once and he passed out when he was done. He said he was laying naked on the bed and his wife found him laying there with porn playing on the computer.
Howard took a call from ''Jason's mom'' who was asking when he's going to come home and fuck her. She was saying she will suck his cock and feed him bacon. Howard said he does love his bacon. Jason said there's no way his mom is this nice. Howard said she sounds nice to him. Jason's mom said that he's got bigger tits than she does. She told him to get hard and stay hard. She laughed like Jason. Howard asked if she's shaved down there. She said she is and it looks like a brisket down there. She had Howard cracking up at her jokes.
Howard said his mother is so lovely. He said she has a delightful voice. Howard asked if it's true that Jason used to put his phone in a zip lock bag so he could beat off in the shower. Jason said he has done that. He said when the iPhone came out he was thinking about jerking off in the shower and he put it in a plastic bag. He said there was no place to put it though so it wasn't that great. Howard said imagine doing that. He said that's hard core beating off. Jason said he just saw Robin looking at him and he's never seen that look before. Howard said even he's disgusted by that.
Howard said Benjy just walked in. Benjy said he's also a fan of incest porn. Benjy said it goes with teachers and other things like that. He said it's that the woman is so turned on by the sex that she has to overcome the forbidden stuff. Howard and Benjy went back and forth talking about why they think they like that kind of porn. Howard said the bigger debate is who is fatter, Benjy or Jason. Benjy said he thinks he's fatter on his body but he may have more endurance. Howard asked what Benjy weighs. Benjy said he's about 254. Jason said he doesn't think Benjy looks better than him. Howard said Benjy is a mess. He said his sleeves are too long and they make his arms look short. Benjy said that someone sent him a picture of him from the Howard 360 thing. He said he looks like a cartoon.
Howard and Benjy were still talking about the reason they might like the incest stuff. Benjy said there's accidental incest and there's the thing where robbers break in and make people do it. Jason said he would be into that. Howard let the guys go after that.
Howard said look at the picture of Benjy. He said that's how wide he is. Ronnie came in and said he gets Howard jerking off like him. He said he's an old guy like him. He said that these guys are young and they should be fucking their wives. He said he doesn't get it. Howard said sometimes your wife isn't into it. Ronnie said he can count how many times he's jerked off alone on one had. Howard said he thinks Stephanie would be afraid to say no to Ronnie. He said he thinks she's not actively afraid but she knows if she's not super sexed up as he is... Ronnie said she is though. He said she initiates it most of the time. Howard said Ronnie would not put up with the relationship if he didn't get it regularly. Ronnie said he will take her to strip clubs and stuff when he goes. Howard said she's afraid of not giving him sex. Ronnie asked why she wouldn't break up with him then. Howard said if Ronnie wanted to have it every night of the week and she turned him down he'd freak out. Ronnie said she will take care of him and he doesn't have to ask.
Howard said how about give her a night to not be sexual. Ronnie said he'd rather be jerked off by a girl than do it himself. Ronnie said he doesn't understand why these guys are jerking off so much.
Ronnie said they will get into bed together and watch TV. He said she'll rub his chest or something and then she'll start playing with him if she wants to. He said he doesn't even ask. He said she'll tell him that just laying there puts her in the mood. Howard said maybe she is all sexed up over him. Ronnie said he doesn't get why someone would have to put their phone in a bag to jerk off in the shower. He said he just doesn't get it. Howard said sometimes it's fun to just jerk off and get it over with.
Howard said most women aren't sexed up like Ronnie's girlfriend. He said that it's very unusual. He said that his theory is that he's not forcing her to do anything but she knows she has to be sexed up. Ronnie said that they're both like that. He said that's why they're together. Howard said Ronnie's interest is getting fucked. He said he doesn't like to do anything else. Ronnie said she could pack her shit and leave if she's not happy. Howard said that's it right there. He said she knows that he'd tell her to pack her bags and leave. Ronnie said they work shit out. He said it's not like that. He said there is no pressure there. Howard said of course there is. He said everything with Ronnie is ''I'll show you the door.'' Ronnie said it's not like that. He said they joke around like that.
Howard said Ronnie has a black hole inside him and she knows she has to put out every night. Ronnie said it's not every night. He said that's just not true. Howard said that she knows dark thoughts start in his head when he's not getting jerked off or blown. Ronnie said he's glad he came in to ask a simple question. He said now he's getting hammered.
Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Ronnie talking about all of that stuff. Howard said Stephanie isn't into Cher like Ronnie is. He said she can't be into the same music. Ronnie said she is though. Howard said that's just not possible. He said he does like that she's jerking him off and blowing him every night. Ronnie said it's not every night. He said they jerk off together sometimes. He said he doesn't have to tell her to do anything. Howard played a song Ronnie and Stephanie performed together about doing butt stuff together.
Howard said Ronnie thinks she likes his music and shows. Howard did his Ronnie voice talking about how she loves Mattock. Howard said Ronnie needs it. He said she loves it. Howard had Ronnie saying who gives a shit if she's not into it. Ronnie said he's not like that. Howard asked if he really thinks she's into NASCAR watching cars go around and around. Ronnie said no one is forcing her to go to the races with him. Howard played another song parody that Ronnie and Stephanie did together.
Gary said Brent has a written statement where his wife can't refuse sex. Howard asked Brent to come in and talk about that. Brent came in and started to explain how she used to tell him he could fuck her on Saturday mornings. Howard got sidetracked with Ronnie and said that some guys think they have to get out if they won't have sex with them. Brent said his wife wrote a note saying that she will give him consent to fuck her whenever he wants. Howard said it has to be null and void if it's not a legal thing. Howard said imagine writing out that piece of paper.
Brent said there are women out there who enjoy sex. Howard said of course there are. He said that sex with Ronnie and Brent is a big deal and if they don't pay attention to their cock then it's a big deal. Ronnie said it is a big deal. Howard said it's not the whole deal. Howard said he knows that he's going to pout if he doesn't get the attention. Ronnie said that's bullshit. He said that he's not forcing her to do it. Howard said he's not forcing her but she knows what she needs to do to keep the relationship going. Ronnie said she's a slave to his cock. He told him to stop it.
Howard said he's telling you that there are nights he doesn't feel like having sex. He said Beth doesn't take it personally. He said that he tells her he's tired and that's it. Howard said he has to be driven around by Ronnie and he wears him out.
Robin asked what happens if they don't want to have sex. Ronnie said they'll just watch TV. He said that you can tell when they're not into it. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie voices goofing on him about all of that.
Ronnie asked how many times Brent has had to jerk off while he's been with his wife. Brent said he's about once a week jerking off. Howard was still doing his Ronnie voice talking about how what he and Stephanie do. Howard said give her equal footing. Ronnie said she has it. He said he's never told her to get out. Howard said she knows.
Howard said this guy on the phone is in ISIS and he follows Sharia law. The caller said Brent is a real ladies man. He said he likes that he made his wife sign the paper. He said in his marriage he doesn't need that because they know they'll get their head cut off if they don't do it.
Howard said imagine if Ronnie's girlfriend cut sex down a couple of times a week. Robin said when she was there Ronnie was talking about how she's not there to service him. Ronnie said not anymore. Ronnie said she got a new job. He said she wasn't happy with her hours. He said she'd come home tired every night.
Howard said that's called work when you come home too tired to have sex. He said you can't do that in Ronnie's home. Ronnie said they're unreal. Howard said he told her if you're too tired to eat my rear then you get outta here. Howard said he's king tut over there. Ronnie said he just asked one question. Howard said he's a big shot over there. Howard played another song that Ronnie and Stephanie performed together.
Howard said she's really excited to stick that piece of plastic up his asshole. Ronnie said he has it all figured out over there. Howard did his Ronnie voice and said if your pussy is dry, say goodbye.
Howard kept on Ronnie about the relationship thing. Howard said he has Stephanie saying she doesn't like having anal with him. He played a clip of Sal interviewing her about that. She said it's not the funnest experience to have anal. Ronnie said they don't do it a lot. He said once in a while she'll want to do it. Howard said she just said she doesn't like it. He said how about not doing it if she's not into it.
Ronnie was getting pissed at Robin for saying stuff to him over there. Howard and Fred were making more lines up for him to tell her to get out if she's not into this stuff.
Howard said she knows the deal with him. He said Ronnie is like a little boy. He said he has to do it. Ronnie said go ahead and enjoy yourselves. Howard said he doesn't like their answer. Ronnie said Howard knows everyone. Howard said he does. He said he can see Ronnie waiting for his sex. He did more of his Ronnie voice and had him thinking about sex all the time.
Howard said that Robin has a gentle way of giving advice. He said that's why he's divorced. Robin said she never gave him any marital advice.
Howard and Fred were doing their Ronnie voices and making up more rhyming lines for Ronnie to use to get rid of Stephanie. Ronnie let out a sigh after a bunch.
Howard said alright. Ronnie said he got his answer from the king of experts over there. Howard said Ronnie was in that Adam Sandler movie and he comes home and someone is going to take it in the ass. He said it's either him or her. Howard said she knows her man so she does what she has to. Howard said Ronnie doesn't have to tell her to do stuff, she just knows she has to. Ronnie said that's one thing about her. He said she doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do. He said she's all about women's lib. Howard said she's pegging him with a piece of plastic. Ronnie said that's for the show.
Howard said if his balls are blue, I'm done with you. He and Fred were still coming up with those lines. Fred had ''Suck my salami or go home to mommy.'' Howard said he has one more song parody to play to wrap this up. He played a song Ronnie and Stephanie did about pegging. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is 100 percent correct about Ronnie. He said it's about what Ronnie wants. He said he may not force her into things but it's passive aggressive. He said she wants to make him happy. Howard said Ronnie takes tremendous pride in his personality. He said if you're married to a fat guy then you have to make the right food. He said it's like that with sex for Ronnie and Stephanie. He said you know what you have to do to make them happy.
The caller said that Ronnie just doesn't get it. Howard said Ronnie has some fame now and he knows what he can get. He said he was having those feelings in the past but he couldn't get people to react. The caller said that he could find someone else to do it but that won't be true love.
Howard said if he was going to strip clubs every night Beth might think that she has to have sex with him every night. He said that's how things work. He said this caller, Jim, gets it.
Howard said he never did play the mother and son porn. Robin said that's how the conversation started and the never got to it.
Howard said in this clip you never see the guy but you see his penis. He said the mom is in the bathroom asking how he's doing. Howard played the clip and the mom was asking the son to get into the bath with her. She said she can see that his penis is hard for mommy. She goes on to make that go away for him. Howard said he's heard of cool moms but that mom is really cool. He went into his mom's voice telling him to come over to mommy right now. He had her telling him to hop into the tub with her. He had her talking about his hard on and her huge bush.
Howard said he saw one of his mother's paintings and it was a portrait and the head of the person was too small for the body. He said he hates to say that though.
Howard had Bobo on the phone and Bobo said he was just trying to make that connection. He said he was bringing Howard into it because it reminds him of when his mom painted. Howard asked what that painting was of the person with the head that was too small. Bobo said that was when she first started out. Howard said don't show that as an example of her painting. Bobo laughed. Robin asked where she was known. Bobo said she had paintings in restaurants down there in Florida. He said she won a lot of awards too.
Howard said it's creepy to talk about him when he's talking about his mother. He told him not to do that. Howard said Bobo was talking about his mother painting the wildlife and stuff. He said that instead of saying she painted landscape.
Howard asked Bobo if he loves him more than his mother. Bobo said he loves his mom more. He said Howard has entertained him more though. Howard asked if he would rather be stuck in a car with him or his mom. Bobo said Howard.
Howard said that was Bobo's Mother's day message. Howard said Bobo is so creepy. He played a song parody about Bobo's shitty calls. Howard said that was Eli Braden.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to break Bobo's balls. He said he's so stupid. He said he laughs when they're berating him. He said he should get a head transplant. He said he wants to drive his truck into a bridge abutment. He said that he should laugh at that too. Howard said Bobo is a superfan. The caller said he knows that but he's a super mess too. Howard thanked the caller for his call.
Howard said they called Bigfoot too. He said that he should mention that was Bobo's father on the phone. He said they called Bigfoot to find out what he thinks about with Mother's day. He said he seems to be losing his hearing. Howard played the clip and Bigfoot was talking about pan handling and how he got 40 dollars the day before. Bigfoot was having trouble hearing Shuli so he asked him to turn down his TV. Howard said they finally got to Mother's day. Bigfoot said that his mother is still alive and he's in touch with her. He said she's supposed to be visiting him on the 1st. Bigfoot said he doesn't know what to do for his mom. He just wished her a good mother's day.
Howard said he has a feeling she might be a corpse in a basement somewhere. He said his mother must be like ''Ugh. I have to go visit my son.'' He said he heard she worked in a nuclear power plant and that's what happened to him.
Howard said they wanted to make a Mother's day phony phone call so they called a religious advice show with clips of him as his mom. Howard said that's his favorite role playing his mom. Howard said this is mom and son calling the advice show. In the clip the guys called the religious show and asked for some advice. They played clips of Howard as his mother talking about taking sexy pictures with her son. The hosts of the show were saying she might want to have a discussion with her son about how uncomfortable her son is about doing that. They eventually hung up on them when things got too graphic. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said a lot of people think she shouldn't be on the show but she is a superfan who gets excited. He said that the email is so hurtful that he won't read them... or should he. He read some of the email and people were telling him to never let her on again. Howard said she loves the show. He said you can't keep her off. Howard played a Mariann from Brooklyn song parody.
Howard said he has an update from Tan Mom. He said Shuli called her to check in. He said she's always in the middle of something when you call her. Howard played a clip of her answering the phone and she's in the middle of a conversation.
Howard played some clips of Tan Mom talking about life and what she's up to. She was talking about doing stand up. Howard said he would go see that. He said she's like Tina Fey but with a metal plate in her head. Howard said you can barely understand what she's talking about. He said she'd do a whole tanning booth bit that no one can relate to. Howard said everyone should have a plate in their ahead so they all understand her.
Shuli came in and said that she's always in the middle of something when she answers the phone. He said she never just says hello. He said she called him over the weekend and she said she was in a mood because a bug bit her. He said she was supposedly on stage at Dangerfield's a few years ago. He said they had to pull her off stage from what he heard. He wasn't there to see it though.
Howard said Tan Mom was pissed at Jason for not believing her well story. He said that she was thrown down a well. He said the story was terrible and some people didn't believe it. Howard said she was going to come in with a newspaper article about it. Shuli said she was supposed to come down last week on Thursday. He said she called him on Wednesday to ask why she wasn't confirmed for 12 on Thursday. He said he told her it was only Wednesday and she said ''Well this isn't the firs time that's happened.''
Howard played a clip of Tan Mom talking about the well story and how she has an article about it. She said that did happen and there is nothing more ignorant than stupidity. Howard said he thinks about life and how Tan Mom is on the planet and she's considered human and so is Elon Musk and Stephen Hawking.
Howard said Jason told him that he never said he didn't believe her story. Shuli said it could have been anyone online saying something to her that made her think it was Jason. Shuli said she called him ''little Jason'' too so she obviously doesn't know him. Howard said he hasn't been little since he was 2.
Shuli was doing his impression of Tan Mom as Howard was trying to make up a conversation. Howard bailed on that pretty quick.
Howard said he has to get ready for Cardi B. Shuli said he can't wait. Howard said Jason went out and got her album and he said every track is a winner. Jason said it really is great. Shuli said he likes it too. Howard said he has some serious question for her.
Howard took a call from a guy, Dan, and asked if he wants to play a Tan Mom game. Dan said he's ready. Howard said he has a SVS Sound system to give away. He said it's worth $999.99. Howard said he has a practice question to start off with. He said they asked tan Mom if she would want to be part of a game show that judges a shit eating contest. Dan said that's too gross for her. Howard played her answer and Tan Mom said bring it on. She said she would judge it even though it's disgusting.
Howard said that Dan has to put on his thinking cap. He said they asked Tan Mom if she would put things in her vagina and play ''guess what's in my vagina.'' Dan said that he's going to say yes even though he's thinking no. Howard played Tan Mom's answer and she said she would play it as long as Sal sticks it into her private area. Dan got it right.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would play the tastiest jizz cocktail contest. Dan said that she would judge the shit eating contest. Howard said she would have to drink the jizz. Dan said no way. Howard played the answer and Tan Mom said she would have half a sip and make a judgment. Howard said he didn't get that one right.
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would judge a contest called ''The Hottest Dog To Fuck.'' Dan said that he's going to say she would not do that. Howard played Tan Mom's answer and she said she would not pick a dog to fuck. Dan got that one right.
Howard said he should mention that he has sold that show to NBC to put in prime time. Shuli said it's called ''What the Fuck?''
Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would judge a fastest abortion contest. Dan said he's going to say Tan Mom said she will not do that. Howard played Tan Mom's answer was that she would judge that contest. Howard said it sounded like she was going to say no but then she changed her mind. Shuli did his Tan Mom voice and answered like she would.
Howard said that Dan has 2 right and 2 wrong. He said it comes down to the final question. Howard said he was thinking logically and he fucked up. He said it's like a pinball machine is inside her head. He said that it's a tough game. Howard said they asked Tan Mom if she would judge a Ku Klux Klansman contest. Dan said he's going to say Tan Mom would not do that one. Howard played Tan Mom's answer which was no. She said she can not do that one. She said they are beyond racist and kill people so she can't stand for that.
Howard said Dan has won. He said he figured out Tan Mom. Dan said no he hasn't. Howard put Dan on hold so they could get his information. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Cardi B there. He said she's the first rapper to have multiple songs in the top 10 Billboard chart simultaneously. Howard said her album Invasion of Privacy is available everywhere. Howard said he's excited to have her there. He said he met her briefly at Jimmy Kimmel's show. Howard said she's pregnant so she wants to be careful walking in.
Howard asked Cardi how things are. She let out a squeal. Howard asked if she talks to anyone professionally about her fame. Cardi said she should. She said she talks to other artists. Howard said he used to not talk to other radio guys but now he finds that it feels good to do that. Howard said he's talking about a psychiatrist though. He said she has to learn to say no and learn people's jealousies.
Cardi said she used to have people tell her to try therapy and she would say no. She said she just goes to church and prays about it. She said it's more than that though. She said she's not going through depression but it's a lot to handle. Howard said it has to be mind blowing. Cardi said yes. Howard said she went from being a kid to having everyone paying attention to her. Howard said the love can feel fake. Cardi said it does feel fake. She said you wonder if people want to be her friend or is it just they want something. She said she doesn't feel like people want to help just to help.
Howard asked if the email is just people asking her for things. She said it is. She said they'll ask how you're doing but then they ask for something. Howard said her album is doing really well and the guys there are enjoying it. Howard said the record company is looking at how it's doing and that has to be pressure too. Cardi said she feels like she just has to do another album to make them money if one doesn't do well. She said the pressure of the people is there. She said they expect you to fail. She said it's not even the record company.
Howard said they think she doesn't know anything and they're going to tell her what to do. He said that's what the record company is going to do.
Howard said Cardi is 25 and she has all of this fame but she hasn't made millions yet. He said now is the chance to make the dough. Howard said she has to get out on tour. Cardi said she made a couple millions. She said she feels it's not enough. She said she has enough for her but she has other responsibilities. She said she has to maintain her lifestyle and worry about her child. Howard asked if being pregnant blew her mind. He said she can't go on tour. Cardi said she's taking one month off or maybe 3 weeks. She said she's doing tour rehearsal. She said the baby is due in July. She said she's going to do tour rehearsal in August. She said she wants to learn choreography and she's doing a tour with Bruno. She said she knows he brings it. She said she doesn't want to disappoint him.
Howard said he loved seeing her with Bruno Mars at the Grammy's. He said that mother fucker can dance. He said he's never seen anything like it. Cardi said it's so effortless and he looks like he's dancing on air. She said it's almost unreal.
Howard asked if she was nervous at the Grammy's. Cardi said she was. She said that she didn't want to make him look bad. She said that would have been bad press for both of them.
Howard asked if Bruno tells her that they're putting out a PG version of her music. He said he doesn't want any cursing or anything like that. Cardi said it's like doing a radio interview and you know you don't have to curse. She said you do what you have to do. She said it's hard to replace curse words with something but she knew not to do it. Cardi said she did some pop records and she had to chill on he curse words. She said she just knows he has to do that.
Howard asked if Bruno is there when she records with her. She said she did the rap first and he said he wanted a certain type of energy with it. She said he had the recording stuff in his dressing room. Howard said that's weird. He said that's nuts. Cardi said it shows her that he's committed to his shit. She said that he's really committed. He said that he had that in his dressing room. Howard asked if she writes something down or does she just do it like she did when she was young. He said she was able to do that when she was younger. Cardi said she just free wheels it. Cardi said that she was thinking it was going to be difficult. She said that she didn't know what to rap about. She said Bruno wanted to be there with her when she re-recorded it. She said she might have the first time she recorded it. She said it was really edgy. She said he wanted it more chill.
Howard asked about her accent and if she's tried to remove it. She said she likes it when she talks to people but she has tried to change some things in her songs. She said she'll do it 10-15 times until it sounds smooth. Howard asked about doing Bodak Yellow and if she's going in and just seeing what happens. Cardi said she has to sit down and write. She said that her man will do a whole verse or hook in 30 minutes or an hour. She said it takes her like 3 hours to write something. She said she has to find a topic and make it rhyme.
Howard asked if she was shocked that people reacted to her song ''Bodak Yellow.'' She said she was. Howard said that he loves that she was working in a strip club. He said you can make decent money working there. He said people put that down though. He asked if she hated working there. He said he's seen some weird shit go down in strip clubs. Cardi said a lot of people want her to lie and say she hated it. She said she doesn't tell girls to go do it but it really saved her. She said that she was a cashier at an Amish market before that. She said she got fired from that job. She said she wasn't able to move out of her situation. She said she couldn't afford to live in a room. She said she was making like $250 no matter how many hours she put in.
Howard said she went to a performing arts school and she had a good education. He said she was in college. Cardi said yes. Howard said she was working in a supermarket and her boss told her she'd better off working in the strip club. She said that he told her she'd make good money working there. Howard asked if she had to audition to work there. Cardi said she did. She said she had no idea what it was going to be like working there. She said she didn't know if she had to do sexual activities there. She said she was ashamed dancing topless. She said she would cry after work for months. She said she was thinking about how embarrassed her parents would be. Then she would think about making $500 and then $2,000 a day. She said she was telling her parents that she was babysitting some rich kids.
Howard said Cardi's father doesn't speak English. She said it's very bad so he won't speak it but he understands it. Howard asked about her parents splitting up. She said that happened when she was about 13. She said it was rough for her because her mom had to get 2 jobs. She said her dad had to leave the country but she won't get into that. Cardi said she barely heard from her dad after that. She said it as hard for her. She said her mom was working 2 jobs and they were still struggling. She said that her father wasn't' there so she had more freedom. She said she was able to sneak out and do more things.
Howard said her mom didn't let her have sleep overs because she knew she'd be up to something. Cardi said she almost never let her out. Howard said that would have killed her to find out she was stripping. Cardi said she was already an adult though. She said she was 18 turning 19. Howard asked if she was able to bond with anyone else. Cardi said some of them are cut throat. She said she's grateful that she saw how people were. She said she saw how women were early. She said this industry is way more cut throat and dangerous than any stripper. Robin said it was like a training ground. Cardi agreed. She said that this is more cut throat than the streets.
Howard asked if she worked in a white strip club. Cardi said she did. Howard said they usually only have one or two black girls there. Cardi said even in the urban clubs it's not as harsh as the white clubs. She said she felt she got the crummy customers. She said she came last. She said she was dark skinned and it was weird. Howard said it is weird how light skinned blacks are considered better than dark skinned. He said he saw that in Roosevelt where he grew up.
Cardi said that she knew how to manage her hair and all of that. She said she was back to feeling like she didn't belong there. She said it wasn't even about color. She said that in the hood clubs she was lighter than some girls. She said that she still felt like they treated her lesser or not as good. She said she's half Dominican and they want that long hair weave look. She said she has always been hyperactive and been herself. She said that it was too ghetto for some people.
Howard said you learn a lot about life in the club. He said that the price of a lap dance never changes tough. He said it's still 20 bucks. Howard said the guys think they're in love with you in the clubs too. He said it gets dangerous. Howard asked if she noticed that or had any bad experiences in the Champagne room. Cardi said that sometimes they think they're going to have sex with you and you say no. She said that they get upset that you're not having sex. Cardi said some dances can be $800. She said that it's awkward when you're in the room with them for an hour. Howard asked if the boss tells her to please anyone. She said that prostitution is super illegal and they don't want any charges in the club. Howard said some of the girls do it. Cardi said she's not sure how they do it if they do. She said that some of the Russian girls go in there for a long time. She said they know how to make a man feel good without sex. Howard said he would go into a room and the woman would start telling him about her two kids.
Cardi said there was a club that had cameras in the room. She said you don't want to have that rep. Howard asked how she deals with a man with bad breath. She said she just handled it. Howard asked if she's glad she's a star now. Cardi said she is because she makes more money and sees things more clearer. She said that things in the strip club could get bad. She said she would sometimes not make money. She said that it would be a slow night.
Robin asked Cardi what she did to make the thousands a night. Cardi said you learn how to charm and talk to men. Howard asked what her best night was. She said she made almost $8,000 one night. She said this was in the urban clubs. She said some guys just throw money. She said that you need to charm the guys. She said some girls have the patience. She said she didn't have that. She said she would just go up to a bunch of guys and ask them to let her dance for them. She said you can sit with a guy for a long time and then they don't tip you. Howard said she's there to work and they're not paying her.
Howard asked if she could ever fall in love with a guy there. Cardi said after she started going to the club she started dating them. Howard said she's there all the time so where else is she going to meet anyone.
Howard asked how she got from the strip club to VH-1. He said she was on Instagram a lot telling women what to do and someone thought she'd be good on VH-1. Cardi said she just did a video talking like she talks to her friends. She said her following started growing up and up. She said she wasn't even doing them on purpose. Cardi said that people were coming to see her in the strip club and she was like a feature dancer. She said she was hosting clubs. Howard said that's amazing.
Howard asked her about her boobs and how she got them done. She said she got the done at 21. She said she did the butt injections too. Howard said that's crazy stuff to do. Cardi said that's the pressure to do things. He said that she wanted big boobs and she didn't feel it was necessary but she was in a Caucasian club and she thought that's what the guys wanted. She said the urban clubs needed big butts. She said that's why she did that. She said she wanted to do lipo to her butt but she didn't have enough fat on her stomach. She said that she got the implants instead.
Howard said it's crazy what people will do. He said that her butt leaked when she got the implants. Cardi said it happens even when you get your own fat injected. Cardi said her teeth were a problem too. She said that they look different on camera. She said she had to fix them for the camera. She said now they tell her she has to get her nose done. She said they say she looks like these different animals.
Howard said Cardi has like 21 million followers on Instagram. He asked if she pays attention to what they say about her looks. She said when it comes to her nose she won't listen. She said she isn't going to mess with her face. She said it can get to you though. She said that she has to look at the comments sometimes. Howard said if you listen to them they don't have what she has. Howard said if you let them into your life you might change. Cardi said it's not as fun as it used to be when she was making music. She said they make you feel like you're in a competition. She said when she started it wasn't a competition. Howard said that's why so many artists can't do it anymore. He said they get so caught up in the business that they tighten up. He said they're ready to kill themselves over it.
Howard said Cardi wants to go and learn to act before she takes any acting roles. He said that it has to be tough because she has so much being thrown at her. Robin said that she has pressure on her to do things now while the iron is hot.
Howard said he saw Cardi at the Met Gala and she was surrounded by all of these famous people. He asked if she felt like she fit in. Cardi said she felt like she was looking at all of these actresses and actors and artists and they are just like her. She said they probably go through the same shit as her. She said they are just like she is. She said she doesn't care if they're a bigger star than her. She said they're just like her.
Howard asked if she went up to anyone at he Met Gala like Rihanna. Howard said she seems untouchable or not approachable. Cardi said she doesn't like to go up to people. She said she did go up to Rihanna and tell her that she loves her. She said she feels like she's very genuine. She said she really likes her. Howard asked if she told her that. Cardi said no because she's really shy. She said she did tell her she really likes her. She said she feels like Rihanna wants her to win.
Howard asked if she has made friends with really famous people that she can go to for advice. Cardi said not really. She said she doesn't see them every day. She said you can bond with people you see every day. He said that she has made friends with other artists.
Howard asked if she can go over to J-Lo or does she lay low. Cardi said she did a music video with J-Lo and that was good. Howard asked if she said hello to Madonna. Cardi said she performed for Madonna at her Oscar after party. She said she's a big Madonna fan so that was great. She said that she knows all of her records. She said her mom was a big Madonna fan too. She said that Madonna is really wild and she's just what she thought she would be.
Howard asked if Cardi is feuding with anyone. Cardi said she never was feuding with anyone. She said she had a misunderstanding with Nicki Minaj but she just had to talk about it with her at the Met Gala and it was over. She said she doesn't want to talk about what it was about. She said she sees so many Spanish artists working with each other. Howard said you'd think everyone would be happy for each other. Cardi said it's the fans and the people who get entertained by other people's problems.
Howard said he liked that Cardi took Taylor Swift off of the charts. He said that was entertaining to him. He said that it's like a war but not really. Cardi said she never knew how the charts worked. She said she was just going up and up and then people told her that she was going to be number 1 and that was going to be huge. She said she never thought about Taylor Swift getting knocked off. Howard said she must be the queen bee when she gets to number 1. Cardi said when she was signed to Atlantic it was so hard. She said she just wanted to be played on the radio. She said she thought they just played her stuff on radio. She said that she didn't know how it worked. Cardi said things don't happen like you think. She said you have to make your own magic and push your own record. Cardi said she did a song that they spent $10,000 on. She said now they're $500,000. She said you have to prove yourself to them.
Howard said it's the same way in radio. He said that you have to make your own magic. He said she made her own magic. He said she puts out singles and that was the way to go. He said now she has an album. Robin said she was huge when she put out just singles.
Cardi said she just started out in the industry so she's just learning things and figuring it out. Howard asked if the people from the strip clubs and her neighborhood are coming out of the woodwork. She said they are. She said there are so many people who want to target you and provoke you. She said she's not trying to sound like a victim but people want to provoke you all the time. She said they want to get clout off your name. She said she just wants to be left alone. Howard said that's what can ruin an artist. He said you want to get out. Robin said that it's what you see on the street that makes your art. Cardi said she'll be at home and then she finds out someone is suing her and she's on some blog learning about all of this. She said there's just so much going on.
Howard asked if she has someone to help her out with that stuff. Cardi said she needs someone. Howard said they have to work on something. Cardi said she didn't want people to know about her being knocked up. She said no one has been pregnant in the prime of their career. She said she was afraid to tell the record company. She said she was writing down plans for what she was going to do. She said that she was afraid to tell the record company. She said she named the album ''Invasion of Privacy'' because of all of that.
Howard said her song Bodak Yellow was nominated for 2 Grammys. He said she didn't win but she was nominated. He asked if she was disappointed. Cardi said she didn't know how big a deal that was. She said that everyone was saying it's like winning a real music award. She said that then it was pressure on her. She said she really wanted to win one but then she didn't and it was her first year so she didn't think it mattered that much. She said she's still new to the game so it's okay.
Howard said he read that she stopped smoking weed. Howard said he stopped too. Cardi said she stopped like 2 years ago. Howard said she learned that it was distracting to her. Howard said it can fog you up and mess things up. Cardi said weed gets you tired and sleepy. She said that's what happened to her. She said she hates when people say it doesn't affect your brain. She said it does. She said that she heard cannabis oil can help with cancer. She said she doesn't want to hear that weed is good for your brain. She said she wanted to kill herself from being paranoid when she smoked. She said when she smoked she felt dumber and dumber after smoking. She said she hates it when people front and say that it's healthy and all of that. She said it dumbs you down. Howard said she's right. He said it can really mess you up. Cardi said she's not against it and she may smoke it again but it does dumb you down. Howard said he gets that.
Howard said he heard she had to take Molly to get into stripping. Cardi said she wasn't confident and she had to take Molly to feel like she was flying. She said that really fucks you up though.
Howard said Cardi was a kid and she joined a gang. He asked how you get out of the gang after joining. Cardi said you're always in it. She said it's like as you get older you don't participate. She said you don't go to meetings. She said it's like being in a sorority. She said she would fight and everything. Howard asked if she had to fight other girls. Cardi said she fought plenty of girls so they knew about her. She said sometimes she would win and sometimes not. Howard said the women where he grew up could kick his ass. He said he was beaten up by women. Cardi said that where she grew up she was told not to fight. She said she had to fight though. Howard asked how she learned. She said you just go into it.
Howard asked if she carried a gun. Cardi said she's not going to say. She said she does carry something with her. She said it's not a gun. She said that people always try you so you have something going on and you have to be ready. Robin asked if she was going to the clubs and listening to music when she was younger. Cardi said when she was in the strip club that was just a job. She said she used to see a lot of the customers hanging out. She said the strippers would hang out with the customers. She said she's not a social person like that. She said she just wants to go to work and go home.
Howard asked if she lives in New York. She said she does. She said she and her dude are looking to build a house in Atlanta. She said that's going to be real different for her. Howard asked why Atlanta. She said she hates L.A. and that's not her. She said that she loves to shop. Howard asked what the best thing is that she's purchased. She said that she won't say exactly what she is investing in but she likes cars and jewelry. She said she has a Bentley truck. Howard asked what that costs. She said that's like 260. Howard said that's major dough. She said she has someone advising her with her money. She said she knows better and she's always checking her bank account. Howard said she should get a pre-nup. She said that she agrees they should. She said that they want to invest in things together. She said they are building this house together too.
Howard asked what she's having with the baby. She said she's having a girl. Howard asked if she has a name picked out. She said they do and her man picked it out. Howard asked her to name her after him. He said that she met Beyonce so maybe name her Beyonce. Cardi said she met her and she made her feel lazy. She said she's not working hard enough.
Howard asked Cardi about the kind of food she eats and how she stays in shape. She said she eats everything.
Howard said her guy's name is Offset. He asked if she calls him that. She said that she only calls him by his name when she's pissed. Howard asked what his real name is. She said it's Kiari. Howard said he calls his wife ''Sweet Love.'' Howard said that's like Kid Rock. He said he's never sure what to call him.
Robin asked how she met her man. She said she met him there in New York at a party. She said that he just grabbed her arm and let her know he was on her. She said she told him she doesn't date rappers. She said there are just so many women on top of those men. She said she knows how they are. Howard said she's seen how disgusting men are at the clubs. Howard said he's cum in his pants so he knows how gross they can be.
Howard asked if Offset calls her by her name or by Cardi B. She said that he does use her name. Howard said he thinks she's too young to be with one guy. Cardi said she's Peruvian so she needs love and security. She said she needs a lot. Howard asked what they do at night. She said she's never had a movie night with him. She said they're always working and they're always on the road. She said in the house they have so many things to do they never have time. She said they're always active.
Howard asked Cardi about getting married and maybe going on a honeymoon. Cardi said she's having the kid and then she's going on tour. She said Offset is going on tour too. Howard said that's what he's worried about. Cardi said she's going to have 2 weeks off after the wedding. She said they both need that. Cardi said she's going to get married next spring. She said she doesn't want any worries then. She said that they have to have no worries. She said they've never had a vacation. Howard said she should go on vacation to Anguilla. He said it's beautiful there.
Howard said Cardi is the number 1 hip hop star right now. Howard asked if that has sunk in. Cardi said she's going to take a week off after this. Howard asked if she's going to breast feed. She said she will but she doesn't want to do it for too long. She said she's going to take her baby with her everywhere. Howard said he has 3 kids and she should keep rotating her nips or she'll get irritated. She said she hopes she can do it for just 2 or 3 months. She said her breasts have always been very sensitive.
Howard said he's happy for her success. He said that she's lovely too. He said he finds her delightful. Robin said she loves her song ''Be Careful.'' Howard asked if she's heard Robin sing her song. Cardi said she doesn't think so. Howard told her what she did and Cardi said she actually did hear that. She said she didn't know that was Robin. Howard played Robin's cover of ''Bodak Yellow.'' Cardi said she was wondering how Robin looks when she heard it. Howard said this is it.
Howard said her new album is called Invasion of Privacy. He said that she has to figure out how to handle all of the stuff going on in her life. Howard said she must have a lot of Paparazzi following her. She said he's right. Howard said she has to get therapy to help her negotiate all of this. He said do that and switch the nips when she's breast feeding. Howard gave her some more plugs and talked to her about his 3 daughters. He asked how she gets along with her step-kids. Cardi said they're so cute. She said she's met them a few times. She said the kids are so cute. She said one is 8 and he's so sweet. Cardi said that Offset has two 3 year olds and the 8 year old. Howard said he was a busy man. Cardi said that people say he's his fourth baby mom but her dad was her mom's 5th baby mom. She said that her dad loves her. She said he loves all of his kids. She said she's relieved that he has those kids. She said that he's experienced with the kids. She said she gets to see how he is as a father.
Howard said he read that she was going to buy her parents a Bodega. Howard said they could make money doing that. Cardi said she was going to do that but she changed her mind. She said she has her dad drive her around now. She said that she pays him well for that. Howard said she is a big famous person and she has to help them out too. Howard said it's a big responsibility. Cardi said she's buying her mom a house in Jersey. She said that she told her she's going to get some money to pay the taxes too so she doesn't have to worry about that. She said she's still going to work her job though. Howard said she has a lot of pressure on her. He said she has to talk to someone. He said she's 25 and doesn't have all the answers. Howard said she has to sit down with someone and let out her anger. Howard told her to get some help. Cardi said she lives in the future and she doesn't live in the moment. She said she has to secure 20 years from now. She said she has to secure her parents and her sister and child. Howard said she has a lot of pressure on her at 25. Cardi said she doesn't want to be broke 20 years from now. Howard said she needs a shoulder to lean on. Robin said she needs to put it on someone other than her family. She said that she has to go where she can take it off and let it go and it doesn't hurt anyone.
Howard said he would have gotten a lap dance from her. He said he would have been in the champagne room with her. He asked if anyone ever proposed to her. She said no one did but she wondered if they knew they were customers for her. She said that they would tell her they loved her. Howard asked if any of those guys contacted her when she got famous. She said she hasn't heard from any but they may remember her. Howard asked if she ever met any famous guys. She said she saw some rappers but they didn't get lap dances in the clubs.
Howard wished Cardi the best. He gave her some more plugs and wrapped up with her. He said he enjoyed meeting her. Cardi said it was a good talk.
Howard said they should get a song for Robin so she can start her news. They played her into it with a parody of a Cardi B song. Howard said he should have played that for Cardi B. He said that was from Tittie B and his brother Pervy B.
Robin started her news with a story about David Letterman saying that he wishes he had stopped doing late night sooner than he did. Howard wondered if he's going to say that too. Robin said Letterman is working to help with climate change and doing that new show for Netflix. Howard said he's happier being retired. Robin said he's able to manage his time better now. She said he can devote his time to things here and there. Howard asked if Robin is sending him a message. Robin said she's not. Howard said he's out of there. He said he's going to quit and help the environment. He said he'll do like 4 interviews on Netflix a year.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he isn't a fan of Cardi B's but he thought he did a great job with her. He said he was happy for her and her situation and all of that. He said even the way she articulated what she went through was great. Howard said she's very beautiful too. He said he has seen her in various interviews and it comes across as jokey. He said that he wanted to have a real conversation with her because no one has done that. He said that he thoroughly enjoyed her. Ralph said she came off really smart. He said she has a good head on her shoulders.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he is such a fan of Cardi B. He said it was a great interview. He said it's hard for him to say but she is the perfect woman. He said she doesn't care if you work in a gas station as long as you love her and show her attention she will be faithful. Howard said she's with a famous guy though. Robin asked why he'd point that out. King said she has great feet too. He said they're not too thin and don't have much chub to them. He said he would be in heaven with them. Howard asked what he thought about her having a Bentley truck. King said he would have gotten a Porsche Macan instead. He said that would have been 100 grand less. He said that Porsche is sick. Howard said King is going to be coming in soon to do some stuff with the staff. He let him go and said they'll see him on Monday.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that she became a stripper because her mom was so strict. Howard said it was rebellion in Jeff's mind. Howard said you never know what the motivation is. He said that it was interesting. Howard let Jeff go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read more about the Letterman thing and some of the quotes he had about show business. She said that Jerry Seinfeld was also there with Dave when he said all of this stuff so he had some quotes from him.
Robin read a story about Facebook and the commercial they have out now. Robin had some audio of the commercial for Howard to play. Howard said John Oliver had a great take on that. He said John said that they fucked it up and sold everyone out. Howard said he still likes Facebook. He said he checks it out every 2 weeks or so. Howard said his wife is on Instagram a lot. He said they introduce people to the cats that need homes. He said that's where most of his social media is. He said he's in touch with Ted Utz the most on Facebook. He said they write each other quite a bit. He said he reads the news on Twitter. He said that's what he loves about Twitter. He said he has a good list of things he follows there. He said he can't follow Gary on Facebook anymore. He said he still follows his wife though.
Howard said it's the 9th anniversary of Gary's pitch. He played a clip the guys put together about that. Howard said he told Gary not to do that pitch. He said Gary so rues the day he did that. He said he just had to throw it out. He said he did get himself into the history books. Howard said his father called him about that pitch and said he had never seen such a horrible pitch. Howard said Gary coached Little League and here are kids out there throwing a ball like Gary.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression and playing all kinds of clips along with him. Howard said you can't rein him in anymore. He said it would have been good if he could have interviewed Sour Gary. He said Gary had a pitching coach and he still threw that awful pitch.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was at that game and he remembers it being on 5 noine 09. He said that he was pacing back and forth by the batter's circle for 20 minutes. He said he felt a real sense of doom. Howard said it was so heavy it was like a blanket. The caller said it was all for a great purpose but then he walked out to the mound and threw it and hit the umpire. He said it was the greatest thing ever. He said he still has that video saved from his Blackberry phone. Howard asked Gary how often he relives that moment. Gary said whenever Howard brings it up so about once a week.
Robin read a story about Google having a more human voice for its assistant. Robin had some audio of the new voices. Howard said he thinks Siri sounds more natural these days too. Robin had some audio of the Google assistant calling a hair salon to set an appointment. Howard said he wants one that sounds like Angry Alice. Fred had some audio of Alice telling him to shut the fuck up and things like that. Robin had some audio of the Google assistant speaking like John Legend. Howard asked if John is that big that he got the Google voice thing. Howard said he wants that. He wondered what he got paid to do that. Robin had some examples of Siri and Amazon's Alexa. That led to Howard talking to Ronnie the Robot for a couple of minutes.
Howard said he was in a meeting yesterday and someone asked when they're going to do Ronnie the Robot again. He said he was wondering why they started doing that. He said no one knew. He said they're not sure why they had him in the first place. He said he may be over thinking it and they should probably just have him there. Howard said it was the most idiotic conversation ever.
Robin read a story about Elon Musk becoming single again a while back. Robin said people were speculating about who he was with. Robin said he's been photographed with a number of women. Robin said she's not sure she could gain his interest. She said he's dating a singer named Grimes. Robin said he was trying to figure out a joke to go along with an equation and she had already done it. Robin said that's how he found out about her. Robin had some of Grimes' music to play. Howard played a few clips and said she's not Gwen Stefani.
Robin read a story about Christiane Amanpour taking over the Charlie Rose slot. Howard asked who she is. Robin said he'd know who she is if he saw her. Howard said they can't even replace Charlie with a dude because guys have fucked up so much. Howard said Charlie texted and asked if she's hot.
Robin read a story about an internal probe at NBC and they found that no leadership or H.R. knew about what Matt Lauer was doing there. Robin said no one got any complaints prior to November 2017. Howard said he's tired. He said they should go back and nap. Robin said they can do that after the show.
Robin read a story about more women coming out about Eric Schneiderman the New York attorney general. Robin had more details about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Cynthia Nixon getting into some trouble. Robin said she suggested making pot legal but then she said that it would be a form of reparations for black people. Robin said black groups are calling for an apology after that. Howard said it is kind of stupid. Howard had fake Cynthia Nixon on the phone to talk about that. She had some other weird suggestions for things they could do if she's elected governor.
Robin read a story about a woman who accused President Trump of sexual harassment and she won a primary last night in Ohio. Robin said she decided to run for office after the Trump thing came up.
Robin said that they say Michael Cohen was paid $500,000 by a Russian Oligarch. Robin said that Michael Avenatti brought that up.
Howard said they don't know what Stormy Daniels did to Trump. Howard said he thinks that Brent knows. Gary said Brent is in another studio. Howard asked if it's that far away. Gary said it is. Brent came running back in. Howard asked if Stormy blew Trump. Brent said he just had sex with her from what he understands. Brent said he was in the studio when she told the story to Bubba. Brent said she also said there was no condom. Howard said that's shocking to him. Brent said it was to him too. Howard wondered if he fingered her with the two finger cul-de-sac. Brent said he thinks it was all about him. Howard said he loves that Gary thinks that the other studio is far away. Gary said it's past the fish bowl. Howard said it's not that far.
Robin read a story about President Trump pulling out of the Iran nuclear arms deal. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that. Howard said he should make Brent run back in to talk about that. Robin said that Iran is saying that the agreement wasn't credible before they pulled out anyway.
Robin read a story about Kanye West going on Twitter again. Robin said they say that this may be a publicity stunt to promote his new album. Robin had some audio of his latest song. She said now he's saying he's starting an architectural firm. Robin said he's looking for architects and industrial designers. Robin said it's funny when people think they helped design their home just because they worked with a designer.
Robin read a story about Jordan Peele working on his next film. Robin said the new one is called ''Us.'' She said there is very little known about it so far.
Howard said Sal was on Kevin Can Wait. He said he was pretty good on that. He said he was on there with his new teeth. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.