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Howard started the show talking about the exciting day they have today. He said it's going to be warmer there in New York City. He said he's there for you and you have friends. He said you have Robin and Fred too. Robin said aren't you lucky.
Howard said thank you to Rob Zombie for that song. He said he had names like Frankenstein and Dracula for his dogs. He said he has Godzilla too. Robin said that's very cool. Howard said he's the coolest. Robin asked if Howard has done that with his cats. Howard said he wouldn't do that to Rob.
Howard said he's going to start with this E! television clip. He said he'll get to the royal wedding after that. He said that they launched the E! network with a bunch of people back in the day. He said that they worked with a bunch of people and one of the guys was named Lee something. He said now he's Yarl Moan. Fred said he was Lee Masters. Howard said he grew up in an orphanage and gave himself the name Lee Masters and then he wanted to get in touch with his roots or something. He said he became a billionaire with some stock he got or something. He said he's there picking his asshole and that guy is a billionaire.
Howard said he always looks at the E! network because he thinks about how they launched that thing. He said he was in on meetings about how to market it and all of that. He said they used to be a hodge podge of long form shows where they just shot stuff while movies were being filmed. He said that's what they did. He said then they hired them and things exploded. He said they figured everyone wanted to see what Fred looked like.
Howard said E! is a weird thing now with people he doesn't know. He said there's never an acknowledgement of them over there. He said he feels like Uncle Miltie. He said when TV was first invented Milton Berle invented a bunch of stuff that people wanted to see. Howard said he wants Gary to know that he's up to episode 5 or Cobra Kai on YouTube Red. He did his impression of Gary talking about that show. He goofed on him about that last week. He said he's liking the show but it's kind of cheaply made. He said it's a good story. He told Robin what the show is about.
Howard said E! was covering the Met Gala and he can't comprehend what they were doing there. He said they had these people talking about what they were wearing there. He had a clip to play where they were covering the celebrities arriving at the Met Gala and they were going nuts over it. He said it's like the gay moon landing.
Howard played the clip and they were talking about what the celebrities were wearing and saying ''Wow'' a lot. They were moaning and ooing and ahh-ing about all of these celebrities.
Howard did his impression of it and said it's like a gay seizure. Howard said it's like a gay stroke. He said he's assuming that guy is gay. He asked who the woman was in that clip that they announced. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard did more of his impression of the reactions.
Howard said he's never heard such carrying on before. He said when they cover the Royal Wedding it was even more intense. He did more of his impression of the guy gushing over that stuff. Howard said it's hard to get that worked up over anything. Robin said that's their job. Howard said that Juliana Rancic they love over there. He said she must have been at the wedding.
Howard said he didn't watch one bit of that wedding. He said he rolled over at 4 in the morning and Beth was up watching it. He said she watched the whole thing. He didn't see it but he knows it was a big deal that there were a lot of black people there. He said that Meghan Markle chick is black so that's why there were so many. Howard said they had a black minister and a gospel choir. Howard said that must have been a big deal. Robin said it is a big deal. She said they had a black minister giving a sermon.
Howard said he has the E! announcer still gushing over the Met Gala thing. One of the guys in the back office called in as that guy who was saying he was so wet and all of that. Howard hung up and said they get the joke.
Howard said no one was more excited to see the wedding dress than the E! announcers. Howard played a clip of them reacting to seeing the dress for the first time. They were gasping when they saw it.
Robin said she did not get up to see it. She said maybe she's not a woman. She said she got up and turned on the TV at 9 and heard Hoda and Savannah recapping the whole thing. Howard said Hoda shit her pants when she saw that wedding dress. Howard did his impression of these people reacting to the dress.
Robin said they were carrying on like this was the Super Bowl. Robin said they act like every woman wants to be a princess to their prince. Howard said he came walking downstairs scratching his balls and asked if Beth was disappointed she didn't marry Prince Harry. He said she said yes and he told her that she got Prince Howie.
Robin was talking about some of the stuff they did at the wedding and how they were breaking protocol according to what she heard. Howard said when Meghan got out they almost passed out. He said they had a long pause because no one could capture the moment properly. He played another clip of the E! announcers talking when Meghan was seen for the first time. Howard said they just ignore that guy. He said he says something and they just move on. He played a clip. The announcers didn't have much to say as they watched. There were some gasps though.
Howard did his impression of the guy on E! reacting to all of that. He said his boner had a boner.
Howard said that's what E! has become. He said Al Roker was very excited about the whole thing too. He said he was broadcasting back to the Today show. Robin said he was standing on the street in London. Howard played a clip of Al waving to Meghan and getting all excited about that. Howard said they announced that Al's colon prolapsed when she went by. He said he got excited. Robin said it sounds like he got a wave. Howard said maybe Al shit his pants again. He said he read that online. Howard said he wishes he could create a cartoon of Al cumming from that.
Howard said that Katy Tur and someone else said they got the first wave from Meghan. He said there was a video of a woman going into a Starbucks and shitting on the floor. Robin said she didn't see that. Howard told her to look it up.
Howard played a clip of Katy Tur and someone else screaming at Meghan and getting all excited about it when they got a wave. Robin said they don't know anything about that woman and they're all excited about that.
Robin said she has been told that women don't just fantasize but they expect things to happen. She said it's like having something special happen for women when they get married. Robin said their whole lives they are leading up to that moment so most women know how their wedding should be and what dress they want. Howard said maybe it's tied into child birth. He asked who the fuck knows. Robin said you wonder why women go through with a wedding when they know it's not the right man. Robin said this is the ultimate for them.
Howard said that Gayle King and some guy named Kevin were covering the wedding and Gayle freaked out when Kevin's favorite moment was the same as her's. He played that clip and Gayle was talking over that Kevin guy when she heard his favorite moment.
Howard said some of the clothing people wore to the wedding looked like something from Mars Attacks. He wondered how you get invited to that. Howard asked how Oprah got there. Robin said she's not sure how she knows Meghan. Howard said Oprah looked kind of confused when she walked in. Robin said she was probably wondering who was going to walk her to the front.
Howard said Oprah looked high to him actually. He said she waked in looking very confused. He said he watched some clips so he could be prepared for the show.
Robin said it was an interesting group of celebrities. Howard said they had George Clooney and Amal, Oprah and others. Gary said the odd one was James Blunt. Howard said he thinks Meghan wants to acknowledge she's not hiding her black side. He said she's embracing it and bringing it to the royal family. Robin said she doesn't get to make any decisions on her own.
Howard said they say that James Blunt served with Harry in the Army. Howard had Fred play one of his songs. He asked why he doesn't write another good song. Robin said because he can't. She said this one wasn't that good. Robin said Oprah had him on her show once. She said that must be the connection there.
Howard said James Corden was there. He said Edris Elba was there too. He said you forget he's British. Robin said she doesn't forget. Howard said that James Corden is like everyone's buddy. Robin said he's had long running shows over there. She said he has done very well over there.
Howard said Gayle King almost passed out. He said that's his recap on the royal coverage. Robin said this is what a wedding means to a woman. She said they feel entitled to that. Howard said Fred didn't give that to his wife. He said she makes sure he knows that every day. He said he married her on a beach with a plumber there. Howard said JD's wife picked up some ideas for their wedding. Robin said imagine when she sees her prince at the wedding. Robin said the greatest moment for her was when they were reading the vows and the minister says ''do you take this man... for richer or poorer'' and Harry smirked. Robin said they kept replaying that.
Howard asked if JD's fiancee watched the wedding. JD said no but he did. Howard and Fred were doing their JD impressions. Howard asked if JD got emotional watching the wedding. JD said it was sweet and he likes the relationship with the brothers. Howard asked if he'll wear a uniform with his brother. JD said that's stolen valor. Howard said so what.
Howard said there's their recap of the royal wedding. He said the E! network has changed a lot since they were there too. He said JD has to work out a lot with his family like his mom and the Hawaiian guy who she's dating. Howard said that they have a lot going on in that family. He said that it would be great if they could cover that wedding like E! covers the royal wedding. Robin said they can't even go to it. Howard said JD doesn't want them goofing on it. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from Wolfie who he said has done so many great things for them. Wolfie said he wanted to ask about the Marfan Mike thing that's happening tomorrow. Howard said there's going to be a big conclave tomorrow. He said if Mike does become Wack Pack he will take an oath and everything on the air. He said they'll have Wendy, Medicated Pete, High Pitch Erik, Jeff the Drunk and all of your favorites. He said that's happening tomorrow. He said that it will be awesome. Robin asked who is handling the smoke. Howard said never mind that, High Pitch Erik is against Marfan Mike. He said he will be arguing against Marfan. He said Marfan will get to speak on his own behalf. He said that should sound cool. Howard said they have a secret induction led by Beetlejuice.
Wolfie said that Marfan is not Wack Pack at all. He said he's got a job and he's not on SSI. Howard said Elephant Boy isn't either. Wolfie said there is always going to be an outlier. He said he wants to be in the Wack Pack. Howard said so does Jeff the Drunk. He said that this guy is petitioning to be in. He said it doesn't work. Howard said he doesn't think Wolfie is right. He said tomorrow is going to be very interesting. He said he's not sure he's accurate on this. Wolfie asked what he has done. Howard said he discovered him when he called in to argue with Erik. He said they went to school with each other. He said they were arguing about who the bigger loser was. He said that's great right there.
Wolfie said it sounds crazy to him. He said he knows he has a melted looking head. Howard said Mike didn't even know it when he brought it up. He said Elephant Boy can't attend tomorrow because he's going to a business conference. He said imagine that.
Wolfie said he doesn't think this guy is interesting at all. Howard said he calls in and he has a speech impediment. He said that we don't know his life yet. He said he has a funny voice, an odd shaped head and so does Beetlejuice. He said Marfan makes you laugh and he's checking a lot of the boxes. He said they haven't explored him that much yet. He said tomorrow they'll get to know him more. He said that they will have more questions answered when this goes down tomorrow. He said that they say that you get to judge the book by its deformed cover.
Howard asked if Tan Mom is Wack Pack. Wolfie said yes. Howard said she doesn't have a funny shaped head. He said she didn't even like the show. Howard said Jeff the Drunk wanted to be in it. He said that Mike has a spine like a question mark. Robin said High Pitch Erik wants to be a Wack Packer. Howard said this Wack Pack Conclave is going to be great. Robin said when they name a new pope they put out black smoke. Howard said it's white smoke. Robin asked where the black smoke comes from. Howard said he doesn't know, he's making it up.
Howard said Mike better get into the Wack Pack. He said that Medicated Pete doesn't sound funny. He asked Wolfie if he wants to come in and speak out against him. Wolfie said he would. He said he thinks he waters down the Wack Pack. He said if you sit next to someone on a bus you'd know if they were Wack Pack. Howard said he thinks Mike would be if he sat next to him. He asked what makes Bigfoot Wack Pack. Wolfie said everything about him is Wack Pack.
Howard said Wolfie brought Mick the Nerd to them and Mick is funny but it wasn't the strongest candidate he's ever heard. Wolfie said he would agree with that. Howard said Mike is a no brainer compared to Mick. Wolfie said he knows Mick's back story. He said he is Wack Pack. Howard said spend time with Mike then.
Gary said Shuli thinks Wolfie is upset that Mick isn't in the Wack Pack so that's why this is going on.
Howard asked Shuli to come in. He came in wearing sunglasses. Howard asked what's up with that. He has a torn cornea. Shuli asked how you can say that Marfan isn't Wack Pack when you see him. He said his job is customer service and he has that speech impediment. Wolfie said that if they had audio f that then it would help. Robin said his sexual history too. Shuli said he had a long distance relationship and he claims he had sex. He said they're not sure if that's true.
Howard said Gary is against the whole Wack Pack Conclave. He said he has to talk to him about that tomorrow. He said on the phone is High Pitch Erik who wants to say something about Marfan. Erik said Mike bullied him in school. He said he did so many other things that he's saving for tomorrow. He said that he's saying that he's Wack Pack and Marfan is not. He said he has Gonzo as his attorney tomorrow. He said he's going to help him. Howard said Erik runs out of stuff after 10 minutes. Shuli said that Erik told him that if Mike was nice to him he'd turn the other way. Howard said he can't imagine Mike goofing on Erik when he has that look himself. He said it's crazy he was bullying him. Erik said he was on the short bus with him and he bullied him. Howard asked if he ever stuffed him in a locker. Erik said no. Shuli said that would be a huge locker.
Robin asked what Mike called Erik. Erik said he'd call him a retard and things like that. Howard said he'd like to do a whole show where all of these guys go to Chernobyl High. He and Shuli were doing impressions of Marfan Mike and Tan Mom. Howard said it's principal Beetlejuice. Howard said they're king of blowing their load here today.
Erik asked who Wolfie is leaning toward in this. Wolfie said that they just talked about that. Erik said he wants Wolfie there as a judge. Howard said he can't be a judge because he's not Wack Pack. He said he can bring him in as a witness though. Erik asked if he can come in as a witness tomorrow. Howard asked what he just said to him. Erik said he can come in as a witness. He said he didn't hear Howard. Robin said he just said what Howard said. Erik said he needs Wolfie on his team. Howard said he can bring him in as a witness or that Gonzo shithead too. Shuli did his Erik impression asking question he already got answers to.
Howard said if Erik wants to call them as a witness that's okay. He said they can't be in there the whole time though. Erik said that Gonzo is his attorney. Howard said Erik is the lead council. Erik said he's going to wear a suit tomorrow. Howard said Marfan is up for induction and Erik is arguing against that. He said he's lead council. Erik said he hopes his suit doesn't fall down from losing so much weight.
Howard said this is Wack Pack. Robin asked what his witnesses have to say. Erik said that they are going to argue about why Marfan can't be in the Wack Pack. Robin asked if he can't be in it because he doesn't like him. Howard said that's what he's going to talk about tomorrow. Erik said he can't talk about those things.
Shuli said that Erik has a new home and he's living on the beach. Howard asked how a guy on SSI can afford that. Erik said he has a friend who helped him out with that. He said it's in Queens. Howard said it's crazy that this guy is living the life. Robin said someone paid his rent. Howard said he's losing weight and doesn't have to work. Shuli said it's not cheap rent.
Howard said a family walked by and tried to push Erik back into the water. He said he's living the life of someone who is retired and he's never even worked. He said you don't get to retire. Robin asked what it's like out there. Erik said it's quiet and peaceful. Howard said they'll talk to him tomorrow. Howard let Erik and Wolfie go after that.
Shuli said they have to weigh Jeff the Drunk tomorrow. He said he might weigh more than Erik. Howard had Jeff on the phone so he asked if he has gotten fat. Jeff said last time he weighed himself he was 288 pounds. That was 6 months ago. Howard said he's Jeff the Chunk. He said he'll see him tomorrow too. He asked if he has made up his mind about this yet. Jeff said he told Shuli that Mike hasn't done much for the show so that's what he'll take into consideration. He said he's going to listen to both sides.
Howard asked Jeff to shower tomorrow. He said that he doesn't want that smell in there. Jeff said he's going to get all done up and smell like Daisies.
Robin said she loves that Jeff wants Mike to have done something and Jeff has never done anything. Howard said he'll see Shuli tomorrow too. Shuli said he's all for Marfan. He said that's his boy. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Robin said they say 29 million Americans watched the wedding. Howard said it's odd that they waited to cover the shooting.
Richard came in and said he and his buddy who he bathed with worshiped them and they watched it every night in high school. He said he liked ''Cheech and Chong's Next Movie'' even better than Up in Smoke. He said that they have a lot of extras in the movie Howard saw. Howard asked if he saw that. Richard said he hasn't. Howard said there's not a lot of dirty words or a nudity in it. He said that they were kind of clean.
Howard and Richard talked about the people who were in the movie. Richard said he got his wife into the ''Next Movie'' and he and his buddy wanted to live in East L.A. after seeing that. Howard said they just kind of wander into a home on the beach. Richard told Howard about some of the parts of that movie and Howard let him go.
Howard said he watched that movie while the royal wedding was on. Richard kept talking but Howard said he can go now. He said he can stop that conversation. He asked when he last showered. Richard said he showered this morning actually. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said Richard had a moment of brilliance a couple of weeks ago. He said they played a clip of Ian Rapaport hanging up on Chad Dukes and Chad got really upset. He replayed the clip where Ian hung up on Chad when he was a guest on Chad's show.
Howard said that was an odd thing. He said they thought it was the funniest thing they had ever heard and Richard thought it would be a great prank call. He said they called an internet sports radio show and repeatedly hung up on the guy. Howard said this is Richard's rusty character doing that. Howard played the call and Richard called into the show and then kept hanging up on them saying he had to take another call. Then he called back and had his doorbell ring. He hung up again. Then he called in again and had his smoke alarm going off so he hung up again. Rusty called them again and then had Godzilla attacking him so he had to go hide in the basement. The host said he's going to be dropped forever because of that. Howard said they were real events inspiring a phony phone call.
Howard said he gets it now. He said that his father used to say to him to say his name clearly. He said he was almost ashamed to say his name when he was coming up. He said that you don't constantly introduce yourself but when you do then you say it clearly.
Howard said he was told that the name Howard is ranked 999 out of 1000 top names. He said the one name less popular than Howard is Jax. He read some of the other names that aren't popular. They were in the last 10. Howard said he would rather be Howard than Yisroal. He said Ramiro is more popular than Howard. He said Elizer is more popular than Howard. Decker, Alaric, Lyle, Anton and Bishop are all more popular. He said Herpes is more popular than Howard. He said his name might be going extinct.
Howard took a call from a guy, Pocket, who asked if there were other women he was thinking of getting more serious with before he met Beth. Howard said he was dating some and then he met Beth and stopped seeing other people. He said he did a classy thing and told them that he met someone. He said that he thought about dating everyone but he knew he had to stop the nonsense when he met Beth. He said they were all nice enough to date him though. Robin said he didn't want anything bothering him when he was with Beth. He said he didn't want his phone ringing and all of that. Howard said dating can go horribly wrong.
Howard said there was a woman who went on a date with a guy once and then stalked him. He said she ended up going to jail over it.
Howard said he wanted to be respectful to Beth and tell the other women that he was going to concentrate on her. He said that some of them wondered why he didn't just put her into rotation. Howard said he wanted Beth to stop her rotation so he did that himself. He said he fell in love with her very quickly. He said he didn't want to mess it up.
Robin asked if he did it face to face. Howard said he did. He said that he didn't want to do it over the phone. He said he wanted to be classy. Robin said you never want to hear that some other woman rocked your boat better than she did. Howard said he knows what she's referring to but with him most of the women he dated after his marriage fell apart knew that he probably needed to sew some wild oats. Robin said he's being way too rational about this. She said there is no classy way to do it. Howard said it has to be better than calling someone and telling them. Robin said it's not a great thing to hear. Howard said he has been on the opposite end of it. He said he called his girlfriend in college and she told him she can't see him anymore. She said she had met a guy who had a bigger penis than his. He said that hurt.
Howard said he was in love with that girl. He said they were having sex 5 times a day. He said she wanted to fuck like a jack rabbit. He said he was really into this girl. He said when she broke up with him it was pretty cold but she did the right thing telling him not to call. He said the cock size thing she didn't need to mention. Howard said they were into some wild shit. He said he put her diaphragm in for her. He said he became good at it. Pocket said that's what you're supposed to do. Howard said he was only like 18. He said she was in her 20s. He said he was mad about her. He said they had sex non stop. He said it was crazy sex. He said they were making out all the time. He said no anal though. He said he wasn't into that.
Pocket asked how soon after meeting Beth did he have the conversations. Howard said it was like 2 weeks. He said one woman wanted him to keep dating her. Howard said he's not about sneaking around. He did the right thing and broke it off. Robin said that woman was worried about her own ego, not about Howard. She said she was saying she was as good as this woman. Howard said they were all good. He said they were great. Pocket was shocked it was just 2 weeks. Robin said he's acting like he did a great thing. Robin said there's no good way to dump a woman for another woman. Howard asked who hurt her. He said he wants her to come over so he can comfort her. Robin said he broke up with them because they weren't good enough. Howard said he didn't fuck them and then break up. Howard asked if he owes her an apology or something. Robin said she's just explaining it. Howard said he's never dumping Robin. He said she's with him for life.
Howard said he has been on the other end of it. He said Robin is right about there not being a good way to do it. He said he wanted them to know why he was breaking it off. Robin said she knows that. She said she's just saying there is no good way to do it. Robin kept going on and on about that.
Howard said Robin is making him think he should have kept fucking all of these women. He said he has to go because Johnny Knoxville is on his way up. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and said he has Johnny Knoxville there. He had a song parody of the Jackass movie theme. Howard said he hasn't been there in 5 years. He said he saw him out in Hollywood at dinner. He said that was at Brad Grey's house. He said they were hitting each other under the table. He said they may not be able to tell the story. He said they were there with Don Rickles and his wife. Jimmy Kimmel, Lorne Michaels, Harrison Ford and more. Johnny said Howard was running the table. He said he was hilarious. Howard said he didn't think he was holding up his end of the bargain. He said Brad Grey died recently. Johnny said it was like a year ago this week.
Howard said he understood why Johnny was there. He said he has made so much money for Paramount. He said that he saw him 5 years ago when Bad Grandpa came out. He said that grossed like 150 million and they made it for like 15. Johnny said they try to keep the cost down to a minimum. He said you get better in the back end.
Howard said he must take payment off the gross. Johnny said he took a tiny salary up front. He said he gave that money to bring actors over. He said he gave away most of his money and invested it in the film.
Howard said he was thinking about all of his injuries. He asked what it is that makes us laugh at people getting hurt and injured. Johnny said its something innate in us that makes us laugh. He said you see someone fall down or a baseball player take a ball to the ding-ding and we laugh. Howard said we should feel compassion for the person. Johnny said it's almost a reflex.
Howard said Johnny has to get the aftermath of it. He said they always leave it in. Johnny said they do. He said that his go to reaction is to laugh. He said in ''Action Point'' he does stuff that you see and it shows all of the angles. Howard asked if he has a higher pain tolerance than other human beings. He said he gets a paper cut and he has to go to bed. Johnny said he hates paper cuts. He said they freak him out. He said his pain tolerance is the same but it's his give a shit tolerance that comes into it. He said he knows it's going to hurt but he overrides that so he can get footage.
Howard asked if he fucks his dick up he is in real pain but he pushes it aside. He said he heard his eyeball pops out of his socket now when he sneezes. Johnny said he did an alpine slide stunt and he was walking up the hill to do it and about 20 feet was an ambulance with the doors open and the engine running. He said he had set it up to end a certain way. He said he flew 20 feet in the air and slammed into the ground. He said he tries to do these stunts in one take. He said he did this one and got a terrible concussion. He said his memory was erased for an hour. He said they asked where he was and he thought he was in L.A. He said he knew some of the stuff but they were in Capetown shooting. He said he knew he was in a park but he didn't remember anything but the Alpine slide part.
Johnny said he went to the emergency room and they told him to rest. He said he went back to his hotel room and blew his nose and his eye popped out of the socket. He said it was bulging out. He said it was way past Marty Feldman. Howard asked what he did. Johnny said he pushed it back in. He said he didn't know how he did it but he did. He said his vision went offline. He said he had crazy double vision. He said it wasn't black but it was a blur.
Howard said Johnny has had a lot of injuries. He read off a long list of the injuries just from this movie ''Action Point.'' It was a long list. Howard asked if maybe he's just prone to accidents. Johnny said on the Jackass movies there are 8 other guys. He said in this he did the bulk of the stunts.
Howard asked why still make movies that still hurt him. He said he heard he was offered the remake of Lethal Weapon and turned it down. Howard asked why turn that down? Johnny said that there are a couple of things he's circling right now and that would have taken him out of that. He said he wasn't a writer on that TV show or anything like that so he turned it down. Howard said he thinks it would be a nice change. Johnny said he likes being just the actor sometimes but on a TV show it's a commitment. He said he needs to really love it. He said it's a fine show.
Howard asked if he could do both. Johnny said he did consider that. He said there are more things he would like to do. He said he would like to do TV but he hasn't found something that he just loves. Howard said his eye ball would stay in if he did that. Johnny said that eye popped out a second time. He said he laughed at Chris Pontius and it popped out again. Fred played a popping sound for him. Johnny said that was great.
Johnny said it wasn't as bad the second time. He said they needed for it to settle down before they figured if he needed surgery. Howard said he would not handle that well if his eye popped out.
Howard said if you go back to when Johnny started out he offered to get shot with a stun gun for a magazine. Howard said someone suggested that he film it. Johnny said he was writing for magazines back then. He said it was his Hunter S. Thompson impression. He said they were doing this magazine and they said they would help him buy the stun gun and all of that. He said that he was going to do that and get sprayed with pepper spray.
Howard asked if he ever got shot with a bullet proof vest on. Johnny said he did and he wasn't sure if it was going to be too slow. He said that he was going to shoot himself and someone told him he saw a friend die from that.
Howard said he got a note from Johnny back at K-Rock and he was talking about it with management and told them what he wanted to do. He said they said to him no fucking way. He said they said if he kills himself or gets hurt it's on them. Howard said he remembers thinking that made sense even though he wanted to see it badly. He said they could have done it off sight. He said that Johnny was the real deal. He said that it was so crazy.
Howard said Johnny could have died doing the gun thing. He asked if he wanted fame that much or was he just nuts. Johnny said he had a daughter coming and he was just kind of spinning out in Los Angeles. He said his girlfriend got pregnant and he had to figure out what to do fast. He said he started writing and getting commercials. He said that nothing motivated him like being responsible for a family.
Howard said he went out to L.A. to make it as an actor and he was doing okay. Johnny said that was after his daughter was born. He said nothing took off until after that. He said he had to do something fast.
Howard asked if he thought about how he could die doing that stuff. Johnny said he talked about it with his therapist. Howard asked if he ever got to the bottom of that in therapy. Johnny said there were some things he had to fix and he has worked on those things. He said he doesn't want to fix the part of him that does stunts. He said she told him she would talk about it if he wants to but she would respect that. He said he has left that alone up until now. He said he stopped therapy before shooting this movie and he knew he had to go to a certain place to get this film done. Howard asked why he needed to do this film. Johnny said he wanted to do this film. He said the demands of it physically he couldn't reconcile while going to therapy.
Howard said he has met his wife and he wonders if they worry for him. Johnny said they don't like the stunts. He said they like the pranks. He said it took a toll on his wife. He said he doesn't blame her. Howard said they have a very normal marriage and then she has to reconcile with almost killing himself. Robin asked if he shared it all with his wife. Johnny said he has to. He said he had to share the eye popping out thing.
Howard said he has had to explain stuff he's done in his career to Beth. He said she reads about stuff he did in the past and that stuff was inside of him.
Howard asked if his parents deal with it well. Johnny said his dad was wild. He said he was a prankster. He said he had a huge spirit and his mom was a southern lady who was very sweet but she had a side where she'd snap on people. He said that she died last year. Howard said his dad is still around. Johnny said he has that prank side to him and he would do stuff at work where he sent letters to them and had the government come down to talk to him.
Howard asked Johnny about how he used to pee on people from up above. Johnny said his dad would have him go hit his friends in the cods which was their nuts. He said they'd be up a few floors at a hotel and his sister would tell him to pee down on people. Howard said he must wonder why they used him like that as a kid. Johnny said he was just going to turn out one way because he was raised that way. He said he just made the best of it.
Howard said people got exhausted by him in school and people stopped talking to him. Johnny said his dad is very proud of him. He said he likes the pranks. He said no one in his family likes the stunts. He said he showed his sister something he did in a stunt and she was upset. He said he was so oblivious to it. He said he didn't stop doing it but he understood where she was coming from.
Howard said he loved the Three Stooges and he must have too. Johnny said he does. Howard said at a certain point Moe got too old and it got pathetic. Howard asked when you know when you've aged out. Johnny said he knows that you can only take so many chances before it catches up with you. Johnny said he knows he can't do it forever.
Howard asked if Johnny had anything lined up in L.A. when he moved there. Johnny said after high school he went to Pasadena to learn how to act. He said his mother didn't want him to do that. He said he only went for a few weeks and then he dropped out. He said he was roommates with a guy who had nigh terrors. He said that he'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming. Fred played a clip of Benjy screaming and Johnny said that's it exactly.
Howard asked if anyone else at the school went on to act. Johnny said that his roommate was Jay Davis and he's a stand up comedian. He said he's doing well.
Howard said he went to school for 3 weeks and then went to just hang out. Johnny said he was working in bars and umpiring little league. He said he found out he wasn't great at being an umpire. He said he let some things go. He said he doesn't like being the cop.
Howard said he didn't know that when they put together Jackass they could put it on MTV or put it on Saturday Night Live. Howard said that would have been unique. Howard said he's surprised they went with MTV. Johnny said he appreciates what they had. He said that he talked to Lorne about what he was going to do for 3-5 minutes ever week. He said they were making the pilot at the time and it was him and all of his friends and he would have to leave that to do Saturday Night Live. He said they just wanted him and not the whole crew. Johnny said at the time he was going to bet on the team and he respects that opportunity they offered him. Howard said that's wild that they were going to do that. Howard said it's kind of weird that there's no going back when you turn them down.
Howard said they should talk about the pranks that he's done. Johnny said he has to talk to Howard about his leaky cock problem because he has that too. Johnny said he has stopped doing the catheter thing. He said he did that for 3 and a half years. He said they had him stop. He said it really hurt doing it at first. He said you're putting something bigger than a number 2 pencil in there. He said they had him doing it to keep the hole big. He had to go all the way into the bladder. He said it was like sandpaper if you didn't lube it right. He said one morning he woke up and his boxers was covered in blood. He said he missed some of the lube and it was like sandpaper if it wasn't wet.
Howard said getting back to his cock... He found in the last couple of years after he pees there's still some pee that comes out in his underpants. He said he wraps his cock in tissues. Johnny said that gets wet and it gets stuck though. Johnny said he had this problem. He said he talked to his doctor about it. He said his urologist had him stand up. He showed him where the tube is below your sack. He said he had him push on it 3 times. He said it's right under your balls. Howard got up and felt for it over his pants. Johnny said you might have to reach into your pants. He said you press on that and then squeeze the head 3 times and all of the pee will come out. Howard said someone told him about that and it didn't work for him.
Howard said he wants to talk about stunts. He said that he loves this stunt where he dressed up in an orange jump suit in handcuffs and asks for help cutting them off. Howard said they assume he's an escaped con. They call the police and the police come. He said the cops pull their guns on him and then he does that. He could have been shot and killed. Johnny said he has it right and they didn't want to have the cops pull their guns. He said they tried it twice and the first time they didn't know what they were doing. He said the cops came that time too. He said they missed it with the cameras. He said they did it a second time and they pulled everyone out of the store. He said the cops pull up and this lady pulls her gun and tell him to get on the ground. He said her car wasn't in park and he knew he was in trouble.
Howard asked if they have to get permission to air that. Johnny said they do and the owner of the hardware store wouldn't allowed it. He said they didn't get a location release ahead of time. He said he didn't sign and the cops didn't sign so they didn't show that for a long time.
Johnny said they shut down the pilot for a few days. He said they were banned from shooting in that area for 10-15 years after that. Howard said most human beings would say they can't do this again but they did it a second time.
Johnny said that he woman did say if he had tried to run he would have gotten a bullet in his ear. Howard said he has to talk about the Anaconda stunt. He said he got bit by them and he was bleeding. Howard asked if the teeth really penetrate and if he has to go to the hospital. Johnny said the medic on the set looked at it. He said that one of the Anacondas had ripped off a guy's calf the week before. He said he didn't hear that until they were done.
Howard said the golf cart stunts are dangerous too. He said they can go pretty fast. Johnny said they flipped in Jackass 1 and he ended up on the ground with another concussion. Howard asked if they just give up full control to see where they end up. Johnny said they give up control on each stunt. He said they were trying to jump a ceramic pig and they thought it would explode. He said it was more like a spring and they were launched in the air.
Howard said the new movie is ''Action Point'' and they'll get to more of that later. Howard asked about the 4 concussions he's had and if he worries about what it could do to him like it does to football players. Johnny said he is concerned. He said he gets checked out. Robin said there's nothing they can do to stop it once it starts. Johnny said there's nothing he can do about it now.
Howard asked if there's anything to show that he's going in that direction. Johnny said he was a little forgetful after the last one. He said he was forgetting the gate code and things like that.
Howard asked if he'll come in there for his last interview if he does go in that direction. He said he would think that would be reason enough to take the Lethal Weapon job.
Howard said it's unbelievable that he's survived all of this. He said he's a brave dude. He said he would have been a great military man. Johnny said the military is completely different. He said they're heroes.
Howard said all of the Jackass movies have opened at number 1 at the box office. Howard said they had no plots and they have made so much money from them. He said he was kind of surprised to read that they had a Jackass reunion. Johnny said they had seen each other but not the whole group. He said they were having dinner at Steve-O's house. He said it's been like a year and a half now. Howard said Steve-O got them all together. Howard said everyone is there except for the guy who died. Johnny said some of the guys had been saying they should do another film. He said he needed to get together to address that. Howard asked if it was a financial thing for some of them. Johnny said that they didn't put it that way but some guys have held on to their money better than others. He said he understands needing to generate revenue.
Johnny said they went to this dinner and Jeff Tremaine was there. He said it all just went downhill. He said they look back on it now and laugh though. He said there was a comedy tour and one of the guys got upset about not being invited. Johnny said they sat down for dinner and Steve-O's roommate says coyotes have his cat. He said they all got up and it was too late. Howard asked why he'd let his cat out. Johnny said Steve loves his pets and that's how dinner started. Howard asked how Steve has a roommate. Johnny said he's really got it together and he's sober and engaged.
Howard asked if the guys should have enough money to be set. Johnny said he thinks that some of them could be better off than they are. Howard said that's some responsibility for him. Johnny said it does come back to him.
Howard asked if he watched that Bam reality show. He said he loves that guy but he's struggling so much. He asked if there's a curse. Johnny said it's not that easy to get sober. He said that Bam made an attempt at that time. He said it was on television and that's not the place. He said that he had the need to do it. He said Steve went to see him at that place but with no cameras. He said they talked to him and he doesn't know if he was ready at that time. He said Bam came to his house for the last Super Bowl. He said he's finally taken that step and it's wonderful. He said that it's a brave thing to do. He said that they're getting sober and that's real bravery.
Howard asked if they are more prone to drinking after doing these stunts. He said you have to be a little crazy to be in that line of work. Johnny said there is a reason they get great footage. He said he thinks there is a side of him that could be worked on. He said that side is the one he doesn't work on because it's made him successful. He said it's wrapped up in so many things.
Howard asked if he feels responsibility for the kids who have tried to do stunts like he has and got hurt. Johnny said not really because they have said they want to entertain people so they don't have to take the hits.
Howard said the stunts in Action Point are not augmented or set up in a way where you cut and someone else goes through it. He said Johnny did all of the stunts himself. Robin said they're not even stunts. Robin said they're something else. Howard said they're failed suicide attempts. Johnny laughed. Howard said that there used to be an amusement park where they had crazy slides and stuff. He said that's what this movie is like. Howard said there were no special stunt pads or anything like that. Johnny said they went to the concrete and things like that. Johnny said he got his first concussion when he wrote a stunt that was going to go to ground but it actually went to concrete.
Howard asked if anyone was seriously injured other than him. Johnny said there were some who had to be carted off. He said they never get to do stunts like that. He said they were ecstatic to do them. He said they loved doing them. He said they were all in it together. He said a lot of the actors did things themselves. Howard said that's why he'll never hang out with him. He said he can't get into that shit. Johnny said he would never target his friends with pranks or anything. He said he did once but it hurt his friend's feelings. He said after that he stopped. He said he can't do that to anyone else because they can't deal with it.
Howard asked if the insurance is the most expensive part of the film. Johnny said it is a lot. He said they also put off the most dangerous stunts until the last part of the shoot.
Howard said he was thinking about the dinner they were at and how they were probably the last to see Don Rickles out in public. Johnny said there was a weird thing with Don and someone else there. He said it was an amazing thing to see.
Howard said he told Johnny that he was going to get up and say something to break the ice but it didn't go over that well. Johnny said that he wishes he was that free to do something like that. He said he was cracking up the whole dinner.
Howard asked if they're having a big premiere. Johnny said that they are on March 31st. Robin asked if it's March. Johnny said it's March 34th. He said it's actually May 31st. Howard said he's going to have his Hollywood buddies there. He asked who he has invited. Johnny said no one yet. He said he's been busy doing press. He said Mike Judge, John Stamos and Mike White get together for dinner. He said they helped out on the film. Howard asked how Stamos gets in on that. Johnny said that he just sees him out at dinners. Robin said he can prank him. Johnny said he could but he won't.
Howard asked what that cartoon thing was that he did. Johnny said he did a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles thing. He said he didn't do the second one because he wasn't invited. He said he liked doing it though.
Howard asked if he would like this movie to make as much as Bad Grandpa. Johnny said that would be nice. He said that he put a lot on the line for this movie. He said he needs to be involved when he does that. Howard said he gave his brains up for this movie. He said this fucking maniac got 4 concussions and popped his eyeball out twice for this movie. Howard said his audience has to go see it.
Howard asked Johnny if any of his kids want to be like him. Johnny said he has a 22 year old daughter who is smarter than he was. He said he has a son who acts like his father. He said his 6 year old daughter isn't showing anything like that. Johnny said the younger ones haven't seen the films. He said that his daughter saw Jackass at 14. He said he told her to cover her eyes or ears or both at certain points. He said at 14 he felt that she couldn't see it all. He said he's sure she's seen it now. He said she's 22. Johnny said he doesn't want his son to know what he does. He said he doesn't want him to get any ideas. Howard asked what they think dad does. Johnny said they know he makes movies. He said his daughter wants to know when they can see them. Howard said he should make porn instead. He said his life is fucking crazy to him. He said he loves the Jackass movies. He said he imagines that the boys get upset when they see him making his own movies. Johnny said he wants to do stuff with them. He said he will do things with them in the future. He said they may do another Jackass. He said they might have to bring in some younger guys so they're not like Moe Howard at 60. Howard said they could do a search for the new Jackass guys. He said that they could have all of the Jackass guys like Simon Cowell telling them no. Robin said they could have a Katy Perry like person on it. Johnny said they had a girl on the show and she got hurt and it was like seeing your sister get hurt. Howard said all of the Jackass guys are guys now.
Howard said Johnny has done it all. He said he loves that his therapist won't cure him 100 percent. Howard said the movie ''Action Point'' is opening on June 1st. Howard said he has his own show there on SiriusXM with his cousin Roger Allen Wade. Johnny said Howard has been so good to them and they revere him. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he would love to know what Johnny's therapist has learned. He said he'd hate for the guy to stop doing this stuff. He said he thinks he doesn't want people over thinking it because it would be sad and not funny. He said that's why he thinks that you age out of this stuff. Robin said that Lucille Ball did that in her last appearance. She said that she came out and fell and people worried that she might hurt herself.
Howard said he hates pranks and he'd hate to have someone prank him. Balls said that Richard pranked Howard once and he hated that. Howard said don't prank him.
Balls asked what kind of music his mom and dad were into growing up. Howard said they had show tunes playing in the house all the time. He said he remembers hearing songs from Damn Yankees and things lie that. He said he remembers those cast albums and all of that. He said his dad once tortured him with a song from Damn Yankees. He said he was singing ''Goodbye Old Girl...'' and he thought he was leaving because he had made a deal with the devil. He said the guy just up and left his wife in that musical. Howard said he knew every soundtrack. He said his favorite was Hair. He said he went to see the original play on Broadway. He said he knew the soundtrack to Hair and he would sing the masturbation song to his mom's friends. He said he was an odd kid. Howard said he would sing and his mom would tell her friends that he was singing a song from Hair.
Howard said he showed his mom something Leslie West did on TV once. He said he thought he was the coolest and his mom was disgusted. He said he loved that. Howard said he made his mom listen to some of the music he liked and she kind of liked the Beatles stuff. He said that he loved watching her face as she listened and realized what the songs were about.
Howard said he was 13 when he heard this. He had Fred play ''A Day in the Life'' and spent a short time talking about how big they were. Howard said the Beatles were his only friend. Robin asked if he thought this was the music to be turned on by. Howard said he never thought the show tunes were hip. He said he knew something better was coming. Robin said his mom got a lot out of it. Howard just sang along with the Beatles song. He said he was afraid. He said he knew everything was changing. He said he thought they were hurting themselves taking drugs. He said just a couple years later he was doing that himself. He said that's beautiful music.
Robin read something that John Lennon had said about the song and using LSD. Fred said that the songs really mean nothing even though people are always trying to find a meaning in them.
Howard said he has Yoko Ono on the phone to explain ''A Day in the Life'' to them. The guys just played Yoko screaming out nonsense in one of her own songs.
Howard said he thinks her eyeball popped out like Johnny Knoxville. Robin said there's no way she'd go back to the set if her eye popped out. Howard said he liked how he said when it happened for the first time he popped it back in. Howard said he would never leave his house again if his eyeball popped out. Robin said he'd be Mr. Magoo. Howard said instead of that he hops in a gold cart and crashes into a wall. Howard said he thinks that interview will go down in history in a time capsule.
Howard said Robin is an expert in her field. Howard said she's in the hall of fame. He had her do her news.
Robin said Simon Cowell said he was dreading doing the new season of America's Got Talent. Howard said shut the fuck up. He said you know he's just looking for attention. He said Simon was writing secret emails to get him out of there. Robin said he was saying it's because of it being season 13. Howard said he has no competition and he has no shows up against it. He said season 13 will be just fine. He said shut the fuck up Simon. He said if nothing bad happens to you after you fuck your friend's wife and have a kid with her he has a feeling nothing will happen. He said that he hopes his eyes pop out of his head when he sneezes. He said fuck you and called him a talentless mother fucker. Howard said he's happy for Howie, Heidi and Mel B. He said that he knows they love that show. He said he had enough conversations to know it. He said Howie practically lives on the set. Howard said he wishes Nick was still there. He said he became too black for them when he wore that turban. Howard said he wishes Nick had stayed. He said he tried to talk him into it. He said he didn't like Simon plotting behind his back. He said he's such a puss. Howard said Simon thinks he's some kind of bad ass. He said he's not a bad ass. He said he has no fucking fear. Nothing scares him so this 13th season means nothing. He said he's a consciousless snail with orangutan tits.
Howard said it looks like they've cut out a lot of Howie's shtick. He said that Simon probably put a stop to that. He said now Simon has his kid on the show. Howard said he won't say anything bad about his kid. He said that he told Howie to watch Simon with his wife. He said Howie has been known to give his wife an Elephant for her birthday. He said he thinks she'd be loyal to Howie though.
Robin read a story about Heidi Klum and what she's been up to. Howard said she should stay home with the kids. He said she has like 17 of them. He said between her and Mel B they have a ton of kids. He said they travel with nannies and all of that. He said all of a sudden the kids come on the scene. Howard said he'd rather be on the set of a Jackass movie and have his eyes pop out than go back to that America's Got Talent. Howard said Simon is a dick head. He said he wanted to be on American TV so bad he was plotting behind his back to get him off the show.
Robin said it must be over between Heidi and that Schnabel guy. Robin said that Amber Heard has been seen with that guy. Howard said Heidi and Schnabel came over to his house for dinner. He said they were out in the Hamptons and he had them over. Howard said that kid is the son of Julian Schnabel. He said he's in his 20s and he's fucking Heidi Klum. He said that she's an attractive woman. He said he had fucked a lot of famous chicks. He said he wondered how he got to fuck these chicks. He said he walks around like he's an expert. He said his claim to fame is that he's an art gallery owner and he is very worldly. He said he's a worldly kid. He said this kid had fucked a ton of hot chicks. He said his move seems to be fucking older women. He said this guy doesn't care because he's fucking Heidi Klum. He said Heidi puts out too. He said she's a great girlfriend.
Howard said Heidi would finish up shooting America's Got Talent and she'd put on a nurse's outfit and go fuck this Schnabel kid. Howard said this guy is barely old enough to get a boner and he's fucking Heidi Klum. He said he knew they'd break up though. He said he was a nice kid but he knew it wasn't going to last. He said the kid invited him over to see his dad's studio. He said he was a nice kid. He said that this kid paints with his cock. Howard asked how old Amber Heard is. Robin said she's 31. Schnabel is 30. Howard said he should write a book about all of these women he's fucking. Howard said the first chapter should be about how his cock is like a paintbrush and Amber Heard is his canvas. Howard said he's happy that Howie, Heidi and Mel B haven't gotten the axe over there. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how there's already a Meghan doll available. Robin said it has a wedding dress and all of that. Howard did his impression of the guy on E! freaking out about that wedding. Howard said he's waiting for the Meghan Fleshlight.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on Simon Cowell. She said fuck that mother fucking bitch tits with the stomach. Howard put Sour Mariann on with her. Howard asked Sour what she was upset about today. Sour was screaming like Mariann. Howard asked Mariann what she's upset about. She was screaming too. Howard went back and forth between the two Marianns for a short time. Sour was unintelligible. Real Mariann kept getting cut off by Howard. Then he had both of them screaming at once. They had Howard cracking up. Howard wondered who would quit first. He said he needs aspirin. The two of them were both yelling again. Mariann asked if he can believe they didn't put his name in the Daily News when they mentioned the other judges on the show. Howard said he thinks they wore out Mariann. Howard said Sour wore out real Mariann. Mariann said she's not worn out. She said that they can call the Daily News and picket. She said they should have put Howard's name in the article.
Howard asked how great that was. Robin said Mariann should have had the job where she did the ''Shame'' thing. Howard played a song parody about Mariann and had Robin get back to the news.
Robin read a story about the royal wedding. She had some clips for Howard to play. Howard did more of his E! host voice talking about that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said the wedding was kind of racist to have the black people in the choir and the preacher. Howard asked what's racist about it. King said it was like someone preaching on the plantation. Robin said they got a real black guy. She said they didn't get Obama to come. Howard said they should have gotten Snoop Dogg there. King said that it was racist because if they had a pure white woman they wouldn't have had the black choir. Howard said if they had the Harlem Globetrotters playing maybe that would be racist. Robin had some audio of this preacher King was talking about. King said the other son looks older than his father. He said he should shave his head or something.
Robin had more clips from the wedding for Howard to play. She also talked about Meghan's father not being there because he had to have heart surgery. Robin said they say that the royal family didn't do right because they didn't send someone to his bed side to give updates. Robin said Meghan's brother brought a knife to London and claimed he did that because President Trump said that London is dangerous. The police took his knife away from him. Howard said he doesn't get the excitement of the wedding. He said he just liked that guy on the E! network who got all worked up over it.
Robin read a story about Mario Batali who is under investigation for sexual misconduct and possibly abuse. Robin said one woman claims she awoke and asked what happened the night before. Robin said one woman woke up with him on top of her. Howard said Fred did that once to him. He said he thinks he knocked him out with a shovel over the head. Robin read more details about Batali how he was fired from The Chew.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that King of All Blacks is a piece of shit. He said he's not a real black man. He said he just talks about the money that his dad left him. The caller said he's a real black man from the projects. He said he's from the hood. Howard said he's going to call him Real Black Man David from now on. He let David go after that.
Robin read a story about MSNBC finding some comments that Bill Gates made about President Trump. Robin said he was marveling at how well he knew his daughter. Robin said Trump met Bill's daughter at some event and then met Bill. Robin had Howard play a clip of Bill Gates saying that he went to see Trump in December and he knew his daughter Jennifer after meeting her at a horse event. Bill said it was scary how much he knew about his daughter's appearance. Howard said he says ''Uh'' a lot. He said he never realized that. Howard did an impression of Bill's ''Uh'' stuff. He said he thinks that Bill is so smart that he wouldn't say ''Uh'' so much. He said he's like JD Gates. He said he should be better spoken. Robin said better spoken guys don't invent Windows.
Howard took a call from fake Sarah Sanders who was talking about how this story is not true. Howard said that he thinks Trump deserves an apology for this. Sanders asked how you look at a daughter in a weird way. She said if you ask her again about it she'll deport him back to Jew-goslavia. Howard asked Sanders about pulling out of the Iran deal. Sanders said that the president likes pulling out. She asked if they would want a repeat of Eric. Howard said that's not every nice. Howard asked about Melania and how she's doing. Sanders said she's doing pretty great. He said she was in the hospital because the president's penis is so big that it knocks her organs around. Howard spent a little more time with fake Sarah before wrapping up. He said she's awesome. He said he hasn't heard a woman so fierce since Wonder Woman.
Robin read a story about how Robert Mueller's investigation will be coming to an end in the next few months. Robin said Rudy Giuliani has said it cold be completed by September 31st.
Robin said Hillary Clinton was at Yale and she admits that some things are harder to get over than others. Robin had some audio of Clinton talking about that. Howard said he wishes he was smart enough to have gone to Yale. Robin said not everyone who went to Yale was smart.
Robin read a story about the Billboard Music Awards was on last night. Robin asked if Howard watched. Howard said he didn't. He said he was watching Cobra Kai. He watched 8 episodes. Robin had some details about the winners at the Billboard awards. Robin said Kelly Clarkson hosted the show. Howard said he saw she lost a bunch of weight again. Robin said she goes up and down. Robin played some audio of Kelly talking about the school shootings. Robin had some clips of people like Janet Jackson accepting awards. Howard asked how Janet looks. Robin said she looks like she's had some work done. Robin said she's over 50 now. She said she had a baby at 50. Howard asked how that worked. Robin had some audio of Ed Sheeran accepting his award even though he wasn't there live. Robin said he also performed via video. Howard said that kid is on fire. Robin had some other clips for Howard to play.
Robin read about the school shootings and how they were paying tribute to the Pakistani exchange student who was killed. Robin said her host family spoke at the event. Howard said he felt so bad for that girl. Robin said that they are learning a lot about this shooting and how this kid studied other school shootings. Robin said he wore a trench coat. Robin said he targeted people he didn't like. She said one of the girls was one who didn't date him after he asked her out a bunch of times.
Robin read about Mark Kelly the former astronaut who is married to Gabby Giffords talking about this school shooting. Robin said that Mark was saying we have to harden up our schools. Robin said they should be as hard as airports. Robin said they should have limited access to getting in and out of the schools. Robin said he also says that people can get guns so easy. She had some audio of Mark talking about that. Robin said the new president of the NRA is talking about gun control. That's Oliver North. Robin said he says students shouldn't be afraid to go to school. Robin had some audio of North talking about that. He was blaming society for these problems. Robin said they're blaming TV shows, movies and video games. Howard said at least they're not being blamed anymore.
Robin read a story about the governor's wife not being around lately. Robin said they're waiting to see where she's going to show up. Howard said maybe Robin can date Governor Cuomo. Robin said that's not going to happen. She said she'd have to leave this show to be first lady of the state. Howard said that's not going to happen.
Robin read about how someone in New Jersey won the $315 million lottery. Robin said someone over there is very happy. Howard said there was one guy who wanted to keep his name out of the media so his family wouldn't know about it.
Robin read a story about how Deadpool 2 made $125 million last weekend at the box office. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about the busy morning they have already. He said today it's very exciting because everyone is waiting for it and tweeting about it. He said they're calling each other about it. He said that they find out if Marfan Mike gets into the Wack Pack today. He said the Wack Pack is susceptible to changing their vote on a whim. He said that the outcome is as questionable as the super bowl or an NBA championship. He said he's been going over the voting this morning and it's all planned out.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult, Medicated Pete, Asian Pete and High Pitch Erik will all be there to vote. Howard played a song parody about Marfan Mike and today's vote. It was to the tune of Train's ''Calling All Angels.'' It was done by Psych.
Howard said they will see what happens today with Marfan Mike. Robin wondered if he's been lobbying. Howard said he talked to him about it and he said... and did an impression of Mike mumbling his answer to him. Howard said Mike and the gang will be there later in the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Mike gets into the Wack Pack if he has a probation period to become more interesting as a member. Howard said no. He said he has the two credentials that all wack packers need. He said he looks funny and sounds funny. He said that's all he needs. He said there is no controversy.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who wasn't there. He said there must be some technical difficulty there with her phone. Robin said maybe she blew out her microphone finally.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he wrote out a statement about this conclave. He read the letter he wrote where he asked people to vote him in because they need to fill in the Wack Pack because they're losing them. He said he deserves to be in it. Howard said that was very nicely done. He said it was a very succinct statement. Bobo said he thought it out. Howard said stop praising yourself. Fred did his impression of Bobo like Elmer Fudd.
Howard had Mariann from Brooklyn on the phone and said she's on team High Pitch Erik and she's with him. She said Marfan Mike would never have called the show if Erik wasn't on the show. She said that Mike is looking for his claim to fame. She said that she's on his side. She said that she wants to know if he can do any impressions or anything. Howard said this is very controversial. Mariann started screaming something. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he did a survey of the people who are there. He said they're almost even split on for and against. Howard said some people think the whole conclave is stupid. He said he has a huge agenda today. He said he even has a big performance from Benjy today.
Howard said they've never brought people into the conclave on the air. He said the ceremony will be done on the air. He said in the interest of getting subscriptions they will be opening the doors to the conclave.
Howard said wait until you see what Mike has to wear if he gets in. He played some song parodies they had for the Wack Pack conclave.
Howard said he loves it. He said no more talk about the Wack Pack Conclave until they get there. He said they're pulling back the slow curtain today. He said they are slow. He said the short bus will be pulling up soon.
Howard said they were talking to Wendy about what was happening and she said she's voting for Marfan Pete. He said she's voting for the wrong guy. He said he can't wait to see Wendy. He said he hasn't seen her lately.
Howard said he hopes that Jeff the Drunk doesn't get his period. He said you know he'll be shot out of a cannon. He said he's been trying to get up there for years. Robin said he probably thinks he's the leader of the Wack Pack. He said he's looking forward to seeing Medicated Pete. He said Wendy is always fun too. He said she's eating the coffee machine in the green room now.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk already smoked a bowl and ate an edible this morning. He said he'll be fired up.
The caller said that his 21 year old daughter said Howard was looking hot. He said he thought he'd like to hear that. He also said that Robin was looking good. Howard said that she has gone blonde on top but not down below.
Howard said he was reading a horrible story in the paper. He said this police officer gets married and he married a nice girl who is a nurse. He said they have a big wedding and the officer ends up dead after the ceremony because he and two of his buddies go for a ride in a Maserati. He said he thought this was odd. He said he got into the car with his buddies instead of his bride. Howard said some guys said that kind of kooky stuff goes down. He said now the guy is dead and one of the guys is in the hospital. He said he's never heard of anything like that. Howard asked JD if he's going to do anything like that. JD said no. Robin said luckily he has no buddies. JD said she doesn't have to add that in every time. Howard said it's kind of her job.
Howard asked JD what friends he's having to his wedding. JD said it's all family. He said he's not having any friends. Howard said when Robin says that he has no friends at the wedding she's accurate. JD said she said he has no friends. He said he has friends. Howard told him to name someone. JD said he doesn't get together with anyone outside of work. JD said Robin didn't have to point that out.
Fred did his JD voice and goofed on him for a minute. Howard said JD is safe at his wedding because he has no one to go on a joy ride with. He said maybe he should take his mom's boyfriend from Hawaii. He said that these guys went for a drive and they think they may have been speeding. He said they hit a tree and died. Robin said everyone wants to see if they can open it up and see how fast they can go. Robin said they were up state and probably thought it was safe. Howard said he doesn't like going fast in cars. Robin asked if he goes the speed limit. Howard said sometimes. He said he sees cars as a giant death machine. He said he sees people who can't even walk. He said most people are uncoordinated. He said they're so busy with the music and everything else. He said ban the fucking radio. He said they're not going to do that. Robin said they can't do that.
Howard said people can't pull it together. He said they can't be expected to drive a car correctly.
Howard took a call from one of JD's friends. It was one of the guys in the back doing a JD voice and talking about how they've been friends since they were kids. He said JD is the best at Xbox and they all voted him the bad ass.
Howard said that will be happening later in the show. He said he was going to open up the show with a phony phone call that Richard made to a Swap and Shop show. He said Sal and Richard called them and he thought it was Swap Shop but it's Swap and Shop. He said they did this whole story about pizza places and then he wondered why everything is pizza with Sal. Howard said he found out that Richard got into trouble when he made a phony phone call to a Swap and Shop show. He asked Richard if he ever imagined that he'd make a living off of making phony phone calls. Richard said he never did. He said that they used to get in trouble for making these calls to his dad. Howard said if he ever did that to his dad he'd kill him. Richard said his friend's parents would come home and pick up the phone and his dad would still be on the line. He said that's how they got in trouble.
Howard said Sal and Richard call this Swap and Shop show. He said Richard started doing this at 12. He said they figured out who they were after they bragged about it at school. Richard said the owner of the station called his dad. Howard asked what his dad did. Richard said they had a good sense of humor. He said the owner had them convinced he could go to jail for that.
Howard asked what happened to his friend. Richard said that his friend had to kiss the station owner's ass after they found out who he was. He said he had to kiss the station owner's ass. He said that this was before email so what they used to do to get them to read something on the air they had to write something down and slip it in their door at the station. He said they'd go by at odd hours. He said that they'd have their parents drop them by the station to do that.
Howard asked about his buddy and if he was shitting his pants. Richard said they knew they couldn't be arrested so he was fine. Howard said the friend was recording the conversation and they found out about it and threatened to kill the friend over that. Richard said he can't confirm or deny that it was recorded.
Howard said Richard is still afraid of that station so he never calls that local station. Richard said he doesn't want them bothering his parents or anything. He said they don't stream their show anyway so he doesn't think they could do it anyway.
Howard said Richard is telling him that there is a tape somewhere of the station people yelling at his friend and giving up his name. Richard said there is a possibility that it exists. Robin said that would be one of the greatest tapes ever. Richard said his friend's name was Slinky. Howard said he's shocked that wasn't Richard's nickname. Richard said there were stinkier people than him. Howard asked what it is about people in Kansas that they can't shower.
Howard took a call from someone from Swap and Shop who was saying that they still follow Richard to this day. He had his voice disguised and said they know what he does and they will stop his father from selling his old weed whacker if he keeps doing this.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could get some of Richard's friends in there. Howard said he's not sure he could take the smell.
Richard said one of the reasons he doesn't want the Tradio people to get mad at him is because his parents still use it. He said they buy coupons through the show. Howard asked if his dad has no money at all. Richard said he has enough. Howard said that's a lot of work to wait for coupons.
Richard said once a year they did this big thing where they did a radio auction. He said you bid on items and the highest bidder wins. Howard said it's like Hillbilly Ebay. Howard said he doesn't care about this. He said he doesn't even understand it.
Howard asked about the phony phone call. Richard said this song was the song from the once a year auction. He had Howard play that song. Howard said when Richard's dad heard it he'd cum in his pants spontaneously. Richard said it was huge back then. Howard said he's suddenly glad he was the only white guy in a black neighborhood growing up. He said he never would have gone into radio if this was radio that he listened to. Howard asked if a foreigner heard that song if they would go into hiding.
Howard said he'd rather grow up in Haiti. Robin said thank god they're on the edges of the country. Richard said it was great growing up out there. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Richard. Howard said Richard had a crazy amount of cavities when he went to a dentist there in New York. Richard said he had to put up with them until he got to Sirius. He said he had 12. Howard said Richard's dad didn't even want him to go to the dentist. He told him to stay away from the big city dentists.
Howard said Richard would brush his teeth with a rag. He said he was waiting for a coupon from Swap and Shop. Richard said his parents have dentures and they just throw them in a glass at night. Howard kept going with his impression of Richard and his family.
Richard said he would freak out Sal with his teeth rag. He said he wasn't used to it. Howard said no one is in this country. Robin said it's like he fell out of a time machine from a different time.
Fred played a clip of Richard's dad leaving a message about his wisdom teeth being pulled and how he might miss work so maybe he should hold off on it. Howard said his whole upbringing sounds like Mayberry. He and Fred did more of their southern accents and goofed on Richard about that.
Howard said Richard took the auction song and called a pizza place. Richard said the song is hard to understand so he slowed it down. He said he had Sal do it and then they called the pizza place. Howard played the new call where Richard called the pizzeria and they had Sal doing the auctioneer thing to place his order. Howard interrupted and said that's some long set up. He said that this guy just wants them to order.
Howard played the call and Sal did his auctioneer thing and the guy tried to take his order. He didn't understand what he was saying. He only got a word or two out of each clip. The guy eventually hung up. Howard said this poor guy's life sucks and then he has to deal with these two. He played more of the clip and they called back. The guy tried to take the order again and he wasn't getting it. Howard said you're not supposed to feel bad for the guy in a phony phone call.
Howard played more of the phony phone call where they had Sal ordering his pizza. The guy hung up again.
Howard said there's the boys doing what they do best. He said they're annoying people. He told Richard to go back into his hole and make phony phone calls. He asked if they have anything in the works. Richard said they have a lot going on today working with Wendy. Howard said he has to take a break so they don't fall behind. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he wants to remind newer listeners about what's going on here. He said this conclave is a long living tradition. He said they need to make a decision today about letting in an new member. He said in one room they have some of the greatest Wack Packers ever.
Howard said this is the first conclave they are broadcasting. He said today's conclave is there to decide if Marfan Mike should be in the Wack Pack. He said High Pitch Erik does not want Mike near the Wack Pack. He said he has a brief history of this. He said in March of 2016 they found out about Mike when he called in to talk about how he went to high school with Erik. He said Marfan thought Erik was an asshole in high school. Howard played a clip of Mike talking about how Erik was stupid and smelled back then. Erik knew Mike and said he didn't like Mike back then.
Howard said that day a star was born. He said these guys have hated each other. He said Marfan claims he was popular in high school. He said they've hated each other for a long time and during that call they were insulting each other.
Howard played another clip where Mike and Erik started going at each other calling each other names.
Howard said that was some conversation. He said there were some bad feelings there. Robin said she loved how Erik would just repeat what Mike said.
Howard said it's time to start this conclave. He said he has to do some commercials first. He said they'll go back and hear some arguments. He said they'll hear a debate from the Wack Pack. He said they will talk amongst themselves and you'll hear it all. He said the email and phone calls are all coming in. He said there's a 50/50 split on Marfan Mike. Robin said there has never been that much of a dissension on a nominee. Howard did his impression of Erik and Mike's arguments. He said this is the most important moment of their lives. Howard said they will see the ritual that Benjy participates in to start the conclave. He said they've never seen this before. He said it will all happen after these words.
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After the break Howard came right back and said it's time for the Wack Pack Conclave. He played a song parody for the theme song. He said he has chills. He said it's time for Marfan Mike.
Howard said nothing will ever be the same. He said the time has arrived. He is bringing everyone into the conclave. He said today is Marfan Mike's day. Mike said hi. Howard said he forgot what he looks like and it's always a shock. He said Mike was the popular one in high school and he can't believe that. He said Mike overcame his deformities.
Howard asked Wendy the Slow Adult if she's attracted to Mike. Wendy said she is. Mike said he's available. Howard asked when he last got laid. Mike said he can't remember. He said he has had sex a few times though. Howard said Wendy is looking at Mike like a hamburger. Gary said Mike hasn't had sex in 15 years. Howard asked what happened. Gary said he heard it was just once in his life. Mike said he had a girlfriend for 2 and a half years. He said he had sex. He said he didn't have anal with her. He said he tried though. Howard asked if he got on the outer rim. Mike said he did but she said no.
Howard asked Wendy if she's getting wet in her diaper from this. Wendy said yes. She said that she and Gary hooked up one day. She said they fell in love. She said they have been talking a lot on Facebook. She said they're going to date. Howard said this is the first conclave romance. Gary said he hates to ruin things but they have an embedded with Gary and he may not feel the same way about Wendy. Howard asked if he's sure. Howard asked if Baba Booey is jealous of this. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if Gary the Conqueror has been calling her a lot. Wendy said he has. She said they've been talking about hooking up. Howard asked if she won't have sex with Mike because of that. Wendy said yes. Mike said he totally respects that.
Robin asked what they would call Wendy and Gary together. Howard said he has to think about that. He said how about Wengry. Robin said she was thinking Gwendy. Howard said maybe Gandi. He said that's a shocker. Wendy said they've been talking.
Howard got back to Mike and said he's very controversial. Mike said he's not sure why. Howard said he has a funny voice and a funny look. He said that's double trouble in the Wack Pack. He said High Pitch Erik is a founding member of the Wack Pack. Robin said he might have been the first. Erik said maybe Elephant Boy or Crackhead Bob. Howard said he had to take this seriously when Erik had a problem with this.
Howard asked Wendy if she's fine with him being there or not. Wendy said she is for him being there. Howard asked if she'll take it all into consideration. Wendy said yes.
Howard said there aren't a lot of people with Marfan Mike. Marfan said that Abraham Lincoln had it. Howard said he thinks there are a few others who have had it in history.
Howard said Wendy had a 61 IQ when she was tested. He said that hasn't stopped her though. He said she lives with her mom and she plays the lottery all the time. Howard said she constantly asks for money but Wendy gave him a 20 today. Wendy said that was from when he asked to borrow money.
Howard moved on to Medicated Pete who kept asking what's up when Howard asked what was up. Howard and Pete went back and forth with that for a couple of minutes. Howard said you know Pete is Wack Pack. He said you know that from the first second. He said he has Tourette Syndrome. Wendy said he looks like Shuli. Pete said he'll take that. Howard asked if she would have sex with Pete. Wendy said if her mom allows it. Howard asked what she would do with a guy like that. Pete said they should exchange phone numbers. Howard asked Wendy what she would do. Wendy said she would go bowling with him. She said she'd go for a walk with him. Jeff asked a question but Howard told him to let Pete have his moment. Wendy said she would go on a walk and have some ice cream with him.
Howard asked Pete if anything is new with women. Pete said there's nothing new at all. Howard asked Pete about his head shaving and if that's what it is. Pete said he has had the same amount of hair for a long time. Howard said he looks like Jason Statham. Wendy agreed but she had no idea who Jason Statham was.
Howard said next up is Asian Pete. Howard asked how he's doing. Pete said he's good. Howard asked Pete if he thinks Medicated Pete looks like Michael Avenatti. Pete said okay. Howard asked Jeff what the fuck he's doing. He said he's giving him the finger. Jeff asked why he's sitting over there. Howard said it's a build up. He said they're getting to him. He told him to calm down. Howard said Marfan Mike has been waiting a long time for this.
Howard got back to Asian Pete and asked how he's been. Pete said he's okay. Howard asked if he has gotten laid recently. Pete said not really. Wendy was attracted to him too. Howard asked if anything is going on with work. Pete said everything is the same. Howard asked what he does all day. Pete said he plays basketball. Howard asked if he's any good. Pete said no.
Howard got to Jeff the Drunk who has his head shaved. Howard got back to Wendy because she was coughing. Wendy said she's trying to get rid of that. Howard asked Jeff about drinking and having weed before he came there. Jeff also had an edible. Howard said they should get to the voting and get everyone out of there. Wendy was still coughing. Howard let Jeff got in some birthday wishes for some friends.
Howard moved on to High Pitch Erik who is against Marfan Mike. He asked why that is. Erik said Mike bullied him in school. He said he doesn't think he should be in the Wack Pack. Howard asked if anyone feels anything for Erik. Howard asked if Wendy was bullied. Wendy said she had her leg pulled by her teacher. She said he liked her leg so he pulled it. Medicated Pete said he can sympathize with Erik. He said he was bullied. Jeff said he was neither. Howard said Asian Pete must have been bullied. Pete said he was.
Howard asked Marfan Mike why he was bullying Erik. Mike said Erik was just annoying. Howard asked how he bullied him. Mike said he would tell his friends he did something and they would do something to him. Jeff asked who can understand what he said. Mike said he can. Howard said he would think that Mike would feel something for Erik. He said he doesn't like him though. Mike said he just thinks Erik is unappreciative of what Howard has done for him.
Howard said he's going to turn to Wendy and ask her to raise her right hand. He said Jeff can raise his left hand since he only has one working arm. Howard said he's going to ask them all to repeat after Beetlejuice. He had a clip of Beetlejuice saying nonsense. He had each of the Wack Pack repeat those unintelligible lines. Howard said they're doing the oath that has never been broadcast before.
Howard said he's going to hear from staff and things. He said they also have to bring in Benjy to do what he has to do. Howard said here he comes. Benjy came in with his horn. He had his Shofar horn. Howard said he's going to hand it over to Benjy now. Benjy did his thing and recited some lines and then blew his Shofar. Benjy did that and Wendy fell asleep. Howard said Benjy's face is redder than he's ever seen it. He said that's not easy to do.
Howard asked if Wendy finds Benjy attractive. Wendy said yes. She said she would do whatever to him. Howard asked if she has done anything in her diaper. Wendy said she has peed in it. Medicated Pete said he doesn't smell anything yet. Wendy said she got Benjy a present. She said she got him a wallet. Benjy thanked her for that. He said it's from the dumpster.
Howard asked Wendy how many teeth she has. Wendy was coughing. Howard asked if she's contagious. Wendy said no. Howard asked how many teeth she has. She has 2. Howard asked if she brushes them. Wendy said yes, with a toothbrush.
Howard said he's not sure where to begin. He said he thinks he'll turn the microphone over to Marfan Mike. Wendy was coughing over him. Mike said he has been listening to Howard since WNBC. He said he remembers the fights with Imus. Howard said he's ready to vote. Wendy was coughing and Howard said she's going to die in there. Mike said a lot of the Wack Pack have passed on so it's time for new ones.
Howard asked High Pitch Erik what he thinks about this. Erik said if he wasn't in this he wouldn't have a leg to stand on. He said he's trying to ride his Wack Pack coat tail. Howard said the reason Mike called in was because he was on the show. Howard asked what else he has. Erik said at K-Rock he got a permit for the protest... Howard cut him off and said Jeff is breathing heavy into the microphone. He said he should go to the hospital.
Howard had Erik get back to his thing. Erik said he organized a memorial... Howard asked if he has an iPad Pro. Erik said he does. Howard said that's over a thousand bucks. Erik said he had his agent get that for him. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he's getting worn out from this. He said they'll hear from Erik after the break. Erik said he has his lawyer Gonzo there. Howard said he's not his lawyer. He said he's his witness. Wendy said she doesn't like Gonzo. She said that someone told her that they're trying to take her friends away from her. Erik said that's not true. Howard asked Wendy what she heard. Wendy said they were trying to just get her to stay on Howard's show and their show. Erik said that's not true. Jeff said Gonzo tricked him into calling and they interviewed him and then they said what show it was. Wendy said they're trying to keep her away from the Monsters of the Midday. She said Gonzo tried to get her off of that show. Howard said he had no idea this was going on.
Howard asked Erik what's going on with this. Erik said he doesn't know. Wendy said they were going to give her $100 to go on their show. Howard said it sounds like Gonzo is doing a lot of stuff in Erik's name. Wendy said that Jimmy Nam told her to hire him as her lawyer so she gets her money. Howard said he's going to take a break and then hear from more people before the vote.
Howard asked Marfan if he's nervous. Mike said he is a little bit. Howard said he hates to see Wendy being taken advantage of. He said they'll have to talk about more of this after the break. He said this is very controversial. He said that they have a lot in the balance right now.
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Howard asked Erik if he voted. Erik said he did. He said he voted with Joey Boots. He said Joey made him vote for Trump. Howard asked if he's happy with him or not. Erik said with all of the scandals his options are... uh... Howard said he sees smoke coming out of his head. He moved on to Wendy who also said she voted for Trump. Howard said all of these guys voted for Trump. He asked how many times Wendy voted. Wendy said 5 times.
Howard asked Marfan Mike who he voted for. Mike said he didn't vote but he would have voted for Trump. Robin asked why he didn't vote. Mike said he had moved and he hadn't moved his voting. Howard asked Medicated Pete if he voted. Pete said he did. Howard said it gave him something to do that day. Howard asked who he voted for. Pete said he voted for Trump. Howard asked what his thinking was. Pete said he thought it would be an interesting presidency. He said he wasn't political. Howard asked if he's pleased with him. Pete said he could do better. Howard asked how he can improve. Pete said he likes that he's a businessman. Howard asked if his life has improved. He said he heard his agent went out of business. Pete said he did. He said that he hasn't gotten a new agency yet. Howard asked Pete if he wanted to make a plea for a new agent. Pete did that. He said he needs to be steered in the right direction.
Robin asked who else the agent represented. Pete said it was some of the Wack Pack. He said we know how that went. Howard asked Pete if he would take Erik's job on Blue Bloods. Pete said he wouldn't take it from Erik but he'd take that job. Jeff said ''Tom Selleck. Chello.'' Howard wondered why he threw that in there.
Howard asked if Wendy was sexually attracted to Trump. Wendy said yes. She said yes to anything Howard asked her. Howard asked if she has peed again in her diaper. Wendy said yes. Howard asked what brand it is. Wendy said it's ''Underwear women.'' She gets them at Walmart. Howard said she knows she can just pee and not excuse herself. Wendy said yes. She said she's working on hiring that Jimmy Nam guy for her agent. Howard asked if she has more diapers in her bag. Wendy said yes. Howard asked Wendy if she would have a secret affair with Donald Trump. Robin asked if she had an affair and took $130,000 would she still talk to them. Wendy said yes.
Howard asked how many sodas she's had today. Wendy said 5. Howard said no wonder that diaper is filling up. She said she can have 10 before the diaper fills up. Howard asked if anyone else is using a diaper. Everyone said no.
Howard asked if Jeff voted in the election. Jeff said no. Howard asked why not. Jeff said everything is wildly democratic. He said he would have went with Hillary if he would have voted. Howard said he's awfully mellow now that they call on him. He said he's heavily sedated now. He said it's like when someone converts on The Walking Dead. Wendy said she loves that show. Howard said he's worried about her watching that. He asked why she does that to herself. Wendy said that's not scary to her. She said she doesn't worry about the zombies. Howard asked what her plan is for the apocalypse. Wendy said she'll marry one of them.
Howard said Erik looks sad. Erik said he has more notes. Howard said never mind those notes. Howard said he's bringing in Gary Dell'Abate, Wolfie... and he's not sure who else. Gary said Wolfie is there for sure. Howard had them bring Wolfie in with Gary. He asked what his point of view is. Wolfie said he thinks that it should be a no vote. He said they can't let just every average Joe with a kidney bean shaped head in. Howard said Medicated Pete has a weird shaped head. He said he speaks funny too.
Gary said he's not sure that the Wack Pack should be making the decision. He said that they have to deal with them every day. Howard said he's doing this because of Erik. He said he respects his feelings. Gary said the Mets don't vote on the players. He said the management picks the players. Wendy said that Jeff needs to get some help for his drinking. She said that he's not going to live long if he keeps it up. Howard said that Wendy isn't going to live long if she keeps eating the way she does. Wendy said she hasn't had fast food for a long time.
Erik said he wants to chime in on what Gary said. He said that if it's up to Howard then it's going to be tough on all of them. He said on him especially. Gary asked why that is. Erik said it's going to be tough on him. Howard said he doesn't know what they're talking about. Howard asked Gary what he's saying. Gary said he's saying it should be up to the staff to figure out who is in the Wack Pack. Howard said that's a good point.
Howard said he's saying that the staff have to deal with Marfan if he's in the Wack Pack. Gary said he was on the fence about this whole Marfan thing. He said seeing him changes everything. He said you see the close up and hear him and he thinks he should be in. He said he doesn't think the Wack Pack should decide though.
Howard said there are less of people who look like Mike in this world. Mike said they don't even know what he has. Erik said that he should have to do things like he did to get in. Gary said once he's in he can do things that Erik has done. Howard said he thinks that there are less and less people like him so he should be in.
Wolfie said that Howard has said that he kind of thinks he's Wack Pack. Howard said he knew it the day he called in. Howard said it was only 2 seconds in. Mike said Wolfie doesn't even know him. Wolfie said that they should apply math to this. He said he has a speech impediment and the odd looks so that's 2 points. He said he has a job and he's not on SSI. Mike said he is on SSD. Howard said no one knows what he's on. Mike said he's on disability. He said the government doesn't even know why that is. Gary said they took one look at him and just gave it to him.
Howard said that he's already at a 3 with Wolfie's math. Wolfie said he's average intelligence. Mike asked what's wrong with that. Howard asked if he was in special classes. mike said he was. He was also on the short bus with Erik. Howard said he must be almost retarded. Mike said he was only on the bus for one year. Wendy said she was on a regular bus. Howard asked if Pete was on the short bus. Pete said he was on the regular bus. Asian Pete said he was on the short bus too.
Howard said Wolfie isn't doing too well so far. Wolfie asked if Mike has bullied anyone. Mike said he did. Wolfie asked who else has bullied someone. Robin said Erik threatens people. Howard said Erik is just fighting back. Erik said he threatened Elephant Boy. Howard asked Mike if Erik deserved that. mike said no. He said he's sorry he did it now. Howard said Jeff can be a bully. Jeff said not really. Howard said he's gone. He said he took that edible and now he's gone. He asked if it kicked in. Jeff said yes. Howard said now he's on the air and he's all mellow. Howard told him to take a nap for 10 minutes so he can come back to life. Asian Pete cracked up laughing. Howard asked if he can believe this. Pete said yes.
Howard asked Marfan Mike what else he has to say. Mike said he has never threatened anyone. He said that he did mostly verbal bullying. He said he never touched him. Erik said he didn't touch him. He said he threatened Elephant Boy for bullying him.
Robin said they're forgetting the girls that Erik has harassed. Wolfie said they turned him down so he harassed them.
Wolfie said that Mike isn't unstable. He said he is very normal and nice. Howard said Asian Pete is too. Wolfie asked if Mike has asked for anything as a hand out. Mike said he knows Howard doesn't like that. Wolfie said that these guys know that too. Mike said he knows that Howard doesn't like it so why would he do it. Wolfie said it sounds like an intelligent argument. Howard said he gave up on this math after point 3.
Wolfie said that this guy means less air time for the other Wack Packers. Mike said ''Oh please.'' Wolfie told Wendy that she's not going to get as much money if Mike is in the Wack Pack. Mike said he's not there for the money. Wolfie said Mike is going to take tickets away from other Wack Packers.
Howard took a call from Marfan Mike's family (the guys in the back doing their Marfan impressions). They were talking about what a piece of shit Wolfie is. Wolfie said that was very articulate.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Wolfie's arguments are going in Marfan's direction. He said that he should be in. Howard asked if Wendy just ate crumbs off her t-shirt. Wendy said she did. She said she had a muffin. Gary said she had an ocean of crumbs around her. Howard said he's concerned that she's over eating. Wendy said that she has been told that. She said when her stomach tells her to feed it she does. Howard said she's so hungry she ate the crumbs off her t-shirt. Howard asked if her tummy ever says it had enough. Wendy said no.
Gary said there's someone there who wants to talk about this. Howard said he has the dead Nicole Bass on the line to ask a question. Howard took the call from the audio clips of Nicole asking questions. She was asking where Mike was from and if he likes to be dominated and things like that.
Gary said Jason was a hard no on Marfan Mike but he has changed his mind on this completely. Howard said he has to talk to him about that. Howard asked Mike about being Catfished. Mike told a story about how he got catfished that was very hard to understand. Wolfie said that Bobo called in saying that Mike should be Wack Pack and Bobo is the last person who should be saying who is Wack Pack.
Howard said Jeff is all fucked up from that Edible. Jeff was almost asleep. Howard asked how many years it's been since he was in there. Jeff said over 2 and a half years. Howard said Jeff is almost falling asleep over there. He said he's all mellow from the pot. Jeff was slurring his words. Wendy said she can't believe him. She said he has to quit his weed and beer too. Howard asked if it's upsetting to Medicated Pete. Pete said it's fucking funny. Howard said the guy is half asleep after wanting to come in for years. Robin said they have to call on him to say something. Howard said he knew Jeff was going to crash.
Gary said Jeff is going to get home and think about what he did wrong and then tomorrow he'll call in saying they didn't give him a chance.
Jason came in and said that he changed his mind on Marfan Mike. He said he sees and hears him today and he thinks he should be in the Wack Pack. Howard asked Erik if he has any arguments for that. Erik had more notes to read on his $1,000 iPad. Erik read about some of the things he's done for the show. Howard said that Mike hasn't had a chance to do that stuff yet. Erik said that he and Joey almost got arrested for doing something for the show. Mike said he might not be that stupid to get arrested.
Howard said he has someone on the phone. He said Erik is arguing for Marfan not to get in but it's just stuff that he's done for the show. Erik said they should get Gonzo in there. Howard had Gonzo come in and said this is Gonzo Shitcock. He said he's not sure if he's ever been up there. Gonzo said this is his first time. Howard said he's part of the Gonzo Network. Gonzo said he left months ago. He said he didn't like the direction of the way things were going. He said it wasn't fun anymore. He said they turned it into something different. He said he's not podcasting right now.
Howard asked what he has to say about Marfan Mike. Gonzo said he actually likes Mike and he thinks he should be in the Wack Pack but he's going to argue for Erik. Gonzo said that Mike has a job and he's kind of too normal. Howard said Elephant Boy has a job. Asian Pete said he has a job now too. He said he works helping people. Howard asked if he's a psychiatrist. Pete said no. He said he works in a store. Howard said Pete works too. Gonzo said Erik has been to jail multiple times. Mike said that's not a plus.
Howard asked if Wendy would go to person for the show. Wendy said no. Howard asked Wendy how many urines she's made now. Wendy said she has done 3. Howard said 10 minutes ago she was only up to number 2. He asked if she's peeing now. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she was able to concentrate on what Gonzo said. She said yes. Howard asked if Wendy is making doody now. Wendy said she's dying to meet Jimble Kimble. She said she actually did make a doody in her diaper.
Howard said that Mike wasn't expected to live past 1 year. He said he's had 23 surgeries. Mike said it's something like that. Wolfie was still arguing against Mike.
Howard said they should have Shuli come in to give his thoughts on this. Mike said he has offered to do anything for the show. Shuli said that he met this man years ago. Howard said he heard that the torn cornea thing is a really serious thing. Shuli said he wants to get a second opinion on it. He went on to say that Marfan Mike shouldn't be slammed for wanting this. He said it's a dream for him.
Howard said he has Dead Eric the Actor on the phone. He said he has some things to say about this. Howard took the call and Eric said he's not a Wack Packer. He said Howard is stupider than stupid. He said he's a rude ass piece of shit. Erik said fuck you so Howard let him go.
Shuli said he has some Wack Pack stats for them. Wolfie said if you want to be in the Wack Pack then you don't belong in it. Howard said Memet is also in there. Memet said that they should consider that he was a bully. He doesn't like bullies. Marfan said he's not a bully now. Memet said that if someone bullied Howard then Erik would stick up for Howard. Shuli said he just said in the hall that he was for Marfan. He said he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.
Howard asked Medicated Pete what he thought about what Memet just said. Pete said he has a question about the bullying thing. He said that weighs heavy in the whole factor.
Howard asked if he's 50/50 on that. Pete said he's still on the fence. He said this guy has a look. Wendy almost threw up coughing over there. Pete said he has an amazing look and it's really peculiar. Erik said he bullied him on the bus and in school. Mike said he sincerely apologized. Erik said he didn't say that on the phone. Mike said he didn't talk to him on the phone.
Howard had Benjy say a few words about this. Benjy said he did think of something. Benjy asked Erik to change his voice to KC's voice. Erik did it. Benjy said Erik can change his voice. He said Marfan can't. Howard told him to get out of there.
Howard asked Benjy what he weighs now. Benjy said he's like 250. Erik said he's below 300 now. Benjy said that he's looking too normal. Benjy said he's not for or against Mike. He said he's pro-Howard Stern Show.
Howard asked if anyone else wants to come in. Chris Wilding came in to say something. Chris asked Marfan when the last time he got laid was. Mike said it's been 20 years. Chris said that's Wack Pack. He said that these people all voted for Trump and some would call them deplorables. He said he would call them unfuckable.
Howard asked the guys when they last got laid. He said that Pete has been over 10 years. Jeff said it's been over 10 years. Howard said he can't believe how he's acting after wanting to get into the studio for years. Howard asked Jeff when he last got laid. Jeff said it was about 10 years ago. Howard asked if he got laid on his own. Jeff said he did. He said he met her on Instagram.
Howard asked Asian Pete when he got laid. Pete said it was 2 months ago. Howard asked how that fucking happened. Pete said that it happened in a frat house. Howard said he's a little old for college. Howard asked why he was in a frat house. Pete said it was a friend's house, not a frat house.
Howard asked what his pick up line was. Pete gave Howard some details and said that she's ''brown''. He said she's American Indian. Howard asked if his friend lives on an Indian Reservation. Pete said yes. He said she wasn't even drunk when he slept with her. Howard asked Pete what his come on line was. Medicated Pete seemed to be shocked by this news. Howard asked if Asian Pete did it just once. Pete said it was just once. He said he never went back. He said he finished outside of her. Howard asked if he came on her tits. Pete said he did. Howard asked if she had an orgasm. Pete said yes.
Wendy asked how come Howard banned Hanzi from the show. She said that was bugging her. Jeff said it's because he's a crazy fuck. Howard said that they were worried about him if you know what he means.
Howard said he can't believe Pete got laid. Howard took a call from The Lump who said that he says Marfan in and Jeff out. Jeff said that guy has never been in his corner.
Medicated Pete said that Marfan Mike has the look. He said he thinks he's funny as shit. Howard said this is a funny looking guy saying that the other guy is funny looking. Pete said he thinks he's a funny guy. Mike thanked him for that. Pete said even the way he thanked him was funny.
Howard asked Jeff what he said. Jeff said he had to agree with Howard. Chris said you have to call Wolfie's stuff into question. He said he's pushing his own agenda. Wolfie said that's a lame excuse.
Will Murray came in to say a few words. Will said he looks at everyone else on the panel and no one has been able to overcome their disabilities. He said he thinks that Marfan is too normal in a lot of ways. Howard said he has a funny face and a funny sound. Will said he can tell funny stories about everyone at the table but not about Marfan. Howard said he hasn't had a chance to have any stories. He's not in the Wack Pack. Will said that he's not on the phone waiting to get on the air every day. Mike said he has a job.
Wendy said that Gary the Conqueror is trying to get another job. Howard said there's a lot going on in there. He said that they're all arguing about this. Medicated Pete said he understands where Will is coming from. Erik said he agrees with Will too. He said Bobo is funny looking. Howard said he's heard enough. Mike said he's going to call Will every day and annoy him from now on.
Howard said he has Asian Pete's girlfriend on the phone. He had a woman doing an Asian Pete voice talking about how he came all over her hair with thick ropes. She said that she ruined bed with squirt.
Howard said they didn't learn much from Wolfie's arguments. Wolfie was still arguing. He mentioned Mick the Nerd during that.
Howard asked Wendy if she made a number 2 in her diaper. Wendy said she did. Shuli said he can take a whiff. He went over to Wendy and said that there is action in that diaper. He said he can't pinpoint it though. Howard asked if the smell is going to waft when she stands up. Wendy said yes.
Howard had Ralph on the phone again. He said Will just made a good argument for Marfan. He said who is going to argue to be in the Wack Pack other than a Wack Packer.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Chris Russo impression. Howard asked for his thoughts on this. Sour Chris was going on and on about the arguments and Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he has learned that Marfan Mike wants to be Wack Pack badly. He said he also learned that Wendy has been sitting in her own feces for about an hour. He said Wolfie said that they haven't learned anything but they have. He said that Wendy is giving birth to a shit baby that will end up in the Wack Pack some day. Howard said he learned that Wendy's diapers are the strongest known to man. He said they learned that Jeff ate an edible and is practically asleep. Jeff said he's wide awake.
Howard said they learned that Asian Pete got laid recently. Shuli said that the smell is wafting around now from Wendy. Howard said they didn't learn much about Medicated Pete today. Robin said she learned that Pete thinks he has a look. Howard said he did learn that he lost his agent. He said his agent must have hung himself.
Howard said Erik is very bummed out about Marfan Mike maybe getting in the Wack Pack. Howard let out a belch and Wendy laughed. Wendy said she likes that. Howard said Erik is passionate about this and he's begging the other Wack Packers not to vote him in.
Howard said he thinks that's what they've learned. Robin said Jeff has the worst timing ever. Jeff told her to stop. Shuli did his impression of what Jeff is going to be like tomorrow when he's sober. Jeff said ''Whatever.''
Howard said what he's going to do now is vote. He said in a moment they will know once and for all. Wendy was coughing again. Shuli said she must have caught a whiff of herself. Howard asked if Wendy gets phlegm in there and swallows it. Wendy said yes. Howard said he's going to throw up.
Howard asked if Wendy is peeing and coughing. Wendy said yes. He asked if she's shitting too. Wendy said yes. Shuli said that happened when he was with her at a Denny's. He said she laughed and spaghetti came out her nose. Howard asked Wendy if her ass just opens up like a flood gate. Wendy said yes.
Howard said he has so many people on the phone. He took a call from Balls who said that everyone is caught up on this list of what makes a Wack Packer but he's looking at what's good for the show. He said he's voting yes for Mike. Howard took another call from a guy who said this is their Royal wedding coverage. He said Mike has to be in the Wack Pack. Howard said they still have to take a vote. The caller said he's Wack Pack.
Wendy told Erik that he has to give Marfan a chance. Erik said that she took his Flat Ronnie away. Wendy said that she had to because of what he did to Elephant Boy. Erik said that Elephant Boy was making him angry. Wendy said he has to learn to ignore him. Erik said that Elephant Boy was bullying him on Twitter. Howard said it's amazing that Wendy can argue with hi with a full diaper. Shuli said she's making full sense with a full diaper. Wendy was talking about Erik threatening people and kids. She said she's heard this stuff on the Jimmy Nam show.
Erik said she and Wendy made out. She asked if who was better, him or Gary. She said Gary was. She said Gary the Conqueror was better. She started to cough again. Wendy coughed something up on her shirt. Howard asked what that was. Wendy just kept going. Howard said he should do this every day.
Howard said that Erik has to get Wendy on his side by talking to her. Erik tried to sweet talk her by talking about their kiss. Erik said she kisses so well. He said that she's so attractive. Wendy said she knows but she didn't like it. Erik said he'll give her CPR if she needs it.
Howard said he doesn't want to know what's in her diaper. Erik asked if she wants him to help her clean up. Howard said he has to treat her like she's Donnie Wahlberg. Erik said he'll fuck her tonight. Wendy said that Kenny told her some bad stuff about Erik. She said that she's a nice person.
Erik said he'll buy her pizza and Mountain Dew after the show if she votes with him. Wendy said she has Gary on her mind right now.
Howard said he's going to take a quick break and then take the vote. He said they'll find out if Marfan Mike is Wack Pack or not. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said before they begin the vote he has Jim Meyer on the phone. He said he wants to say something to Wendy. Howard took the fake call from one of the guys in the back who said they have to stop her from shitting in the studio. He said every log of shit comes out of his paycheck.
Howard said he's excited about this. He said he loves that Fred didn't understand the vote. He said he has to explain shit to Fred. Wendy was still coughing.
Medicated Pete said he laughs every time he looks at Mike. Howard said Wendy is covered in phlegm and crumbs. He said that diaper is filling up.
Howard said he has a table in the room and they have all of the Wack Pack sitting there. He said that Marfan is hoping to join that table. Mike said he's nervous. Medicated Pete said he's got no emotion. He said that makes him Wack Pack. Robin asked if High Pitch Erik is nervous. Erik said yes.
Howard asked Mike if he can smell Wendy over there. Mike said he smells something. Howard said now the time is here. He said it's time to vote. He played the conclave theme song again.
Howard said his whole career has led up to this. Wendy said that she and her mom think they should do a singing battle with Robin. Howard said they're going to work on that. Howard said this is something they may not be able to top. He said it's even bigger than his Jerry Seinfeld interview. Howard said he envisioned this.
Howard asked Jeff why he ate an edible. Jeff was trying to ask a question. Howard said it's time to vote. Jeff said that whenever Erik walks by he tells people not to take pictures. Erik said that's not true. Howard said he slept the whole show and now he's waking up. Medicated Pete said it's too late.
Howard said it's time to vote. Erik asked what happens if there's a tie. Robin broke the news that there are 5 people so there can't be a tie.
Howard said that he's going to go to each person and get a vote. Howard said he will abide by any decision. He asked Erik what his thoughts are. Erik said he's saying no because he bullied him in school and on the bus. Howard said he will mark him down as a no.
Howard moved on to Asian Pete who gave his thoughts on Marfan. Pete said something unintelligible. He did give a no vote because of the bullying thing. Mike said he's kind of hurt by that. He wasn't expecting that.
Howard moved on to Wendy the Slow Adult. He said she's made a lot of sense today. Howard asked her for her vote. Wendy said she's giving a yes. She said he said he was sorry. She said they should give him a chance. Howard said if Mike gets in then he will get sworn in. He said if he doesn't get in then the secret will be locked away forever.
Howard said that they're going to move on to Medicated Pete. Howard said Marfan Mike could earn money from being in the Wack Pack. He said Pete knows that. Pete said that the bullying thing gets to him a bit. Howard said he did say he has changed. Pete said that he has this look though. Howard said he has said that. Pete said he can't decide. He said he's going basked on the look. He said he has to start doing shit. Howard said they have plenty for him to do. Howard said he has to give a vote. Pete said he's saying yes. Mike said he will make him proud.
Howard said they have a 2-2 vote right now. He said he has to recap. He went over the votes so far. He said that he wanted to end this an hour ago. Howard said it all comes down to Jeff the Drunk who is half asleep. Jeff said he's wide awake. Howard asked Jeff for his thoughts and his vote. Jeff said that he thinks that Marfan Mike should have a chance. He said he knows Howard wants him in. He gave him a yes vote which puts him into the Wack Pack. Howard said it was very close. He said that Asian Pete and Erik look upset. Marfan Mike said he holds no grudges.
Howard said that they have a song to play first. He played the song for Mike announcing he's in the Wack Pack. Howard said now they have to swear him in. He said they have the Beetlejuice head to put his hand on when they swear him in.
Howard said that the guys all have to be moved by this. He said that they all know how this goes. Howard said they welcome the audience into the swearing in. Howard had Marfan Mike repeat after him. He said that he will begin the ancient swearing in. Howard said he has to stop and think and if he has any reservations he can get out now. Mike said he has nothing to say. Howard said here is no getting out after this. Howard said if he has any problems with anyone then he should contact him. He said actually contact Shuli. He said he doesn't have time for that. Howard said with that he swears Mike in. He had him repeat after him the Wack Pack oath.
Howard asked Erik to look at him in that Pope cap and tell him he doesn't belong. Erik said that he and Elephant Boy made up and they're talking. Howard said he asked him for that. Erik said he doesn't want to fight with anyone in the Wack Pack. He said he doesn't want to fight with Mike. Erik said he doesn't want to have any problems with him. He said they need to be a family there. Mike said he agrees and he's got it. Howard said so concludes the secret ceremony that they've never done on the air before. Robin said now Mike can call himself a bona fide Wack Packer.
Howard thanked all of the Wack Pack for coming in and wrapped up. Jeff said it was a pleasure as always. Howard asked his staff to boil the studio. Jeff said he just got a whiff of diaper. Wendy said she'd buy that for a dollar.
Howard said that they are getting a whiff of the diaper. Wendy said she turned 38 and had some
Erik said if anyone wants to book him for greetings they can find him at BookCameo.com. He said they're also going to a pig roast at Jolie's house in Atlanta. Mike mentioned he has a podcast. The rest of the guys got in some plugs and personal shout outs before Howard wrapped up and went to break.
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Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the chances were that the vote would come down to a drunk guy on pot. He said they have to have some subtitles with the video. Howard said he'd like to know how fast that will be up on the app. Gary said it will go up tomorrow. Howard said he thinks the biggest shocker was that Asian Pete got laid 2 months ago. Robin said that story seemed so wild.
Howard said the bigger shocker is that Wendy's diaper didn't leak after all of that shit and piss.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he did it again with that. He said he thinks that you have to be able to poke fun of these people in front of them and they don't get it. He said that Marfan Mike isn't Wack Pack. Howard said he's in now so you can't argue it. Robin said the vote is over just like our presidential election. She said people want to do it over again but it's over.
Howard took another call from a guy who thanked him for getting him inside the head of a Trump supporter today.
Robin started her news with a story about Pope Francis who said something sensible to a gay person. Robin said he said something to a survivor of harassment that god made him this way so his sexuality doesn't matter. Howard said he's proud of the pope for doing that.
Robin read a story about how people who have one egg a day have less chance of heart disease. Howard said he's been doing that lately. He said he thought he was eating too many. Robin read about how this study showed that Chinese people who ate an egg a day has helped. Howard said they told them for years not to eat eggs. Howard said he was going to tweet about how he had meatballs and spaghetti for dinner and they were vegan meatballs. He said they tasted like meat. He said he was amazed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Wack Pack Conclave was great. He said that Howard was driving him crazy dragging it out but he kept him awake while he's driving his truck.
Robin read a story about American Idol but Howard cut her off saying that he hasn't seen it yet. He said she can spoil it for him. He said it makes no difference. Robin read about the third runner up and then the winner which was Maddie Poppe. Howard said she was the only one who had real talent. He said she has to work on her look though. Robin had some audio of Ryan Seacrest announcing the winner. She had some audio of her singing with Kermit the Frog too. Howard said that show is so hokey. He said he loves looking at Katy Perry. He said she's so odd with the wigs and clothing. He said she's so narcissistic too. He said he can't get over it. Howard spent a little time talking about some of the contestants on the show.
Howard said Ryan Seacrest did something weird on the show. He said that he came back from commercial and he didn't seem to know he was on. He said that he was talking to Katy and he said to her that her mom is attractive. Katy said she hopes that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Then Ryan said that it doesn't and she's not a mom and he wondered if she wants to talk about it. Howard had a clip of him doing that. He said that's creepy. Fred played some Lenny Dykstra clips while they were talking about that. Howard said that was weird. He said it was like he was asking her if she wants to be knocked up. He said he had that Ronnie sex tip voice. He said he must be the head of the Ronnie fan club. Howard said he has to hear that clip again. Robin said the other guys were keeping quiet. Howard said if he was sitting there and Nick came over to Heidi or Mel B he would have said something. He said it was a little weird. Robin said maybe he was joking around and he did know they were on. Howard played the clip again and spent a few minutes talking about how odd that was. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he likes American Idol even though he stopped watching for years. Robin said he can't say he likes it if he fast forwards through it all. Howard said he sees some of the performers and fast forwards through them. He said he did watch some of the performers like that Maddie. Robin read more about American Idol and what was going on with that show. Howard also talked about his time on America's Got Talent and how they'd cut him if he said anything negative. He said the only way to get on the air is say something nice.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression and singing Lionel Ritchie songs.
Robin read a story about the Miss USA pageant that was also on last night. Robin said she was watching that. Howard said she was very busy. Howard said he was watching Cobra Kai. Robin said they were in Louisiana with this pageant. Robin said they had Carson Krestly on and he got into some trouble when he compared it to Sophie's Choice. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin said they were also talking about the evening gowns. She had more audio for Howard to play. Howard did his Carson Krestly voice for a short time during that.
Robin read a story about Adam Rippon being the proud owner of the Mirror Ball trophy. Robin had some details on that.
Robin read a story about President Obama and his wife signing with Netflix to produced some content for them. Howard said it's funny how Trump got out of TV and now the Obamas are getting into it. Howard was still doing his Carson Krestly impression talking about that.
Robin read a story about how busy the president was yesterday. Robin had some details about what he was up to. She had some audio for Howard to play. While they were going over all of that Howard had fake Ivanka Trump come in for a short visit. Howard spent a few minutes with her asking about how things are going with her dad.
Robin read a story about Mario Batali and had some audio of one of his waitresses talking about how he would allegedly try to wrestle her at work. She called him a monster. Howard said that guy makes Benjy look like George Clooney. Robin had more clips of employees talking about how Batali allegedly treated his employees. Robin said that Batali has denied that there were any assaults.
Robin read a story about John McCain's book being released today. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read a story about Charlize Theron playing Megyn Kelly in a movie about Roger Ailes. Robin said that seems to be good casting. Howard said that's got to be feeding Megyn's ego. Robin said that she is almost the Charlize Theron of talk shows. Howard said they want to cast Marfan Mike as him in that movie.
Robin read a story about R. Kelly and a woman who is claiming that he sexually abused her. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:40am.
Howard started the show talking about Marfan Mike singing there at the start of the show. Howard said people were wondering what he was going to do. He said there he is getting involved. He said that was an exciting show yesterday. He said he was showing video of it to people there this morning. He said it's really remarkable. He said this isn't an official statement but around 5 o'clock or so they will have the video for the Wack Pack Conclave on the app. He said he showed Robin a 1 minute clip. Robin said it's almost like you can't believe your eyes. Howard said Wendy was coughing and people were moving away from her. He said you'll love it. You'll laugh, cry and scream. Robin said the best part is Wendy trying to describe kissing Gary the Conqueror and she coughs. Howard said she just about throws up.
Howard said he and Robin were talking about Fred and Fred heard everything they were saying. He said Robin didn't know that. Fred said he didn't need that conversation. Howard said it wasn't negative toward Fred. He said they were talking about Fred but spoke about him with high regard. He said he and Robin have to talk about Fred and how they're going to deal with him. Fred said he was trying to do other things but he could still hear it. He said it was like when his parents fought. He said that they traded punches though. He said his biological father threw punches at his mom. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Fred said it was many years ago.
Howard asked if his father is still alive. Fred said he is and he's in his 90s. He said he has zero contact with him though. He said he was a drinker, smoker and didn't have his own teeth but he's still alive. Howard said people talk about Karma but then people do just fine. Fred said that guy should have had 14 lightning bolts hit him. Robin said she was thinking about that kid who shot up the school and had a shoot out. He didn't even get hit.
Howard asked if his daughter knows about his relationship with his father. Fred said she knows enough about it. He said she knows that he won't be in contact with him.
Robin said there was a story that Howard told about his mother bringing him to see someone. Howard said that was his mother being brought to see someone she didn't like. He said there were some crazy stories about her growing up.
Howard said he didn't mean to bring up a bad subject. Fred said it's cool. He said they should concentrate on Marfan Mike. Howard said he's sorry that Fred had to hear them talking about him. He said Robin has a booming voice.
Howard said the Wack Pack Conclave was always done behind closed doors before. He said he was so excited about the new app because you can see this stuff effortlessly. He said they cleaned up the tape with reaction shots and stuff. He said it's riveting. He said that it's great TV. Robin said it's television like you've never seen it before. Howard said she's right. He said he's so tired of sanitized TV. He said they make these Hollywood comedies for like 20 million dollars. He said this was made on the lowest of budgets. He said this is funnier than any comedy you'll ever see. Robin said you laugh as soon as you start watching it.
Howard said they had a star cast there yesterday. He said that will happen today approximately at 5pm. He said click on the app and you can give yourself a treat.
Howard said they got Wendy in the studio to do some bits for them. Robin asked if she cleaned up. Howard said she only urinated 4 times and made 2 doodies in the diaper. He said she kept going. He said she's not a millionaire so she just worked right through it.
Robin said Jeff almost fell out of his chair. Howard said when they started out with Wendy they used to get letters about her calling in on other shows. He said they thought she was doing an impression of a slow adult. He said he got confirmation that she's a real slow adult. He said she's like Bela Legosi getting buried as Dracula if she's an actress. He said that she's the real deal.
Robin asked how she got up there. Howard said she was with her mom and sister. He said her sister is really hot. He said Wendy is the star of the family though. He said they figured she had 2 gallons of fluid in her diaper.
Howard said after the show yesterday Wendy was doing some work there. He said Richard recorded with Wendy in the studio and he has some out takes from that. He said she was flirting with Memet as soon as she walked into the studio. He had some audio of Wendy talking to Memet. She was asking if he watches The Walking Dead and then asked if he'd like to be in one of the episodes. Memet said he'd have to think about it.
Howard said Katy Perry did help that show. He said she's such a narcissist though. He said he didn't know that about her. He said she's always stealing the show from everyone else. He said they brought out the new Bachelorette and Katy was screaming and telling her that she wanted to date her. He said she was kissing her hand and the Bachelorette looked so uncomfortable. He said she didn't know what to do. He said the woman made Katy look like a douche. He said Katy then passes out and then Luke Bryan drags her across the floor caveman style. He said poor Lionel Ritchie doesn't know what to do. He said he's just sitting there while this caveman thing is going on. He said Lionel stands up and says he doesn't know what to do. He said it was an embarrassing mess. He said it's all because Katy can't stay out of anything for more than a second.
Howard said Katy is like a female Benjy. He said she has to be the center of attention. He said she can't say no to the camera for a second. He said he recognizes that as a performer. He said sometimes he's be on America's Got Talent and Howie would be going wild with Mel B and he'd just tell himself to sit that one out. He said sometimes they'd push him to get involved. He said he'd tell them he didn't want to be involved. He said they'd tell him that Howie was going to pop out of a cake dressed as a baby and he wanted nothing to do with it. He said they'd ask him to do it but he wanted nothing to do with it. He said he'd tell them he should pull down Howie's diaper and change it. He said they didn't want that. Howard said Mel was too old for a birthday party anyway.
Howard said he knows Howie was popping out of the cake as something. He said maybe it wasn't a baby but he did look like a baby.
Howard said he wasn't looking to end his career with that. He said Heidi loves that kind of stuff and she'd start dancing around. He said she was ready to do anything like that. He said he was supposed to dance around but he doesn't dance. He said Heidi would tell him to come on and do it. He said he hates going to parties and it felt like a forced party. He said it all felt so forced.
Howard said he has some audio of Katy Perry with the Bachelorette. He played the clip and Ryan mentioned the new Bachelorette who was there in the studio. Howard said it looks like she has been dieting since the last episode. He said she's the runner up from The Bachelor. He said her tits looked bigger too. He said that she looked good. He said she can't weigh over 100 pounds now. He said she looks like she's starving. Howard played more of the clip and Katy was yelling and asking if she can be in the running. Howard said he wishes he could have been on that show and told her to just eat her pussy right there and cut out the double entendres.
Howard played more of the audio and Katy was screaming about how the woman had a scripture tattooed on her arm. Howard said he loves damaged women. He said Katy is so damaged. He said she needs constant attention. He said that Orlando Bloom doesn't even need to go to the gym. He said he just runs around giving her attention all day. He said it's like a symphony of pain with her. He said she's constantly smiling. He said it's not even normal. He said she's his favorite. Robin said it's almost Joker-ish.
Howard said at this point Luke Bryan is dragging Katy across the stage. He said then Lionel stands up to get involved. He's yelling ''children!'' over and over. Howard said it's so annoying. He said that Bachelorette is embarrassed by those 3. Imagine that. He said it was fucking awesome. He said this is why you have to watch. Robin said she had no idea this was going on. Howard said it was a god damn mess.
Howard said the contestants are less needy than Katy Perry. Robin said that's why they won't be stars. Howard said Katy has to be looked at. He said the poor Bachelorette didn't get to say a word. He said Katy was supposed to sit there quietly in the background but she stole her time.
Howard said Lionel knows how to write songs. He said he has that talent and Katy doesn't. He said she sings other people's songs. Howard said that the Bachelorette's whole moment was stolen there. He said Katy is the new Lucy. He said she does physical comedy. He said she has a very dark hole inside of her. He said her parents must have ignored her. Robin said Howard knows that story.
Howard said Wendy kept saying she was alright as she was coughing. Howard played another clip of Wendy coughing and trying to say her lines. Howard said Gary was wondering what was going on with her and he said she's just eating bad food and she gets sick from it. Robin said she thinks she's choking. She said she thinks she gets something stuck in her wind pipe.
Howard said she was getting very winded from eating and drinking so much. Howard played another clip of Wendy reciting her lines and getting winded. She was coughing and sounding like she was going to throw up. Howard played audio of her coughing and making all kinds of weird noises. Richard was telling her to take her time.
Howard said it sounds like the Exorcist. He said she coughed all over Memet. Robin said she was doing that to Pete yesterday too. He said Pete was almost in Jeff the Drunk's lap. Howard said to see them all moving away from her is quite cinematic.
Howard said Wendy was able to finish the session after taking a cough drop. He played more of her coughs and gags. She said the cough drop should help. Howard said that's what Jimi Hendrix's last recording session sounded like.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Wendy the Slow Adult impression. He just kept saying ''yes'' and coughing. Howard said he thought he'd call in and start coughing. Howard said it sounds like a new impression. He said he needs to work with him on that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Wack Pack thing was the funniest thing he's heard in years. He said it was awesome. Howard told him to check out the video when it's up. Howard said this is something you need to see.
Howard gave a history lesson about where Baba Booey came from. Howard played a clip from 28 years ago when Gary first uttered the name ''Baba Booey'' instead of Baba Louie while talking about cartoon cells he collected.
Robin said Gary's voice has changed a lot since then. She said he didn't have that phlegm. Howard said Gary claimed that Baba Louie was called Baba Boy but he wasn't. He said that Gary didn't realize his name was Baba Louie. He said that's almost impossible. He said that it was never Baba Boy. He said they mocked him immediately and forever more. He said he's inspired thousands of Baba Booey song parodies over the years.
Robin said that Gary said that they would forget about the Baba Booey thing. He didn't realize they'd never forget about it.
Howard played an example of a song that someone created about his awful first pitch. He played a song about Gary unfriending him on Facebook.
Howard played a song parody that someone did with Gary's throat clearing to the tune of Van Halen's ''Eruption.'' Howard said he loves that one. Howard said it took 6 months to build that song. He said this is what they'll be playing on Memorial day on Booey 100. Howard said even famous people got in on recording songs. He said The Go-Gos did a song parody for them. He said they did ''He's Got Big Teeth.'' He played some of that song parody. Howard said Belinda Carlisle is so sexy singing about big teeth. He said he just saw her a couple of years ago and she's still got it. He said she's an older woman now. Robin said she's not as old as Howard. Howard said thanks. Howard said they sang that song in 1999. Robin said that was a while ago. Howard said Gary played Trumpet to Sir Duke too. Howard played some of that.
Howard said there are so many great song parodies that they will be playing. He played the Star Wars theme and some other quick clips of his parody songs. He had phlegmy songs and others. Howard said he has so many.
Robin wondered if her favorite will be played. She said it's the Gary tape. Howard said just tune in. He said they will have hosts for the show and they'll be fans of the show who work there as DJs. He said they have a bunch of people spinning songs there. He ran down a list of people who are involved. He said it's going to be a perfect weekend.
Robin said her favorite song parody is the Booey Maguire parody. Howard said that will be in there. He said there's a song that features a lot of the big parody creators. He played some of that ''Baba O'Booey'' parody. That had all of the guys like Little Mikey, Eli Braden, James Cargill, Daniel Mendelson and more. Howard played some of the Booey Maguire song parody for Robin too. Robin said that's where the ''noine'' thing came from.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has the app and she can see everyone which is kind of weird. She said you get a picture in your mind of what people look like and it's kind of freaking her out. She said she's avoiding the app. She said Jon Hein is the biggest one. She said she had an image of Jon as a broadcaster on TV. She said he has looked like a news anchor in her head. Howard said there is a reasons they're on the radio. He said they're not going to look that good. The caller said that Sal and Richard are another story. Howard said the app isn't for everyone. He said some people won't be able to watch. He said it's disturbing. He said he does recommend watching the Wack Pack Conclave though. The caller said she will listen to him on that.
Howard said he and his staff were not built for HD. He said that he has to take a break. They went to break after that.
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Robin said the guy tried to bring the podium to the judge when he was told to approach the bench. Robin said they were trying to evict their son and they have do have a whole eviction thing. Howard wondered if they're sorry they had a kid. He said they just wanted a kid for a couple of years. Robin said they didn't want a lifetime of aggravation.
Howard read some of the story in the paper and it said they were going to give the guy some cash to help him move. Robin said this guy pulled up some law citing that they have to give him 6 months because he's family. Robin said the judge said that doesn't count in this case. Howard said the movie Step Brothers was like this.
Robin said that the guy isn't that bad looking. Howard said he looks like JD but thinner. Robin said he's right. Howard said the judge gave him some advice and said he has lived there long enough. He said he has to move out. Howard said they told him to sell things to raise some money. Robin said good luck selling that stereo. Howard wondered why the guy has weapons. Robin said he lives in his parents house in his room. He doesn't need weapons. Robin said this smacks of trouble to her. She said that he might need more than an eviction.
Howard said he has a whole crew there like this guy. He said he can't get rid of anyone there. He said that the parents should just move to Hawaii like JD's mom did. JD said she gave him a heads up. Howard said she left him. JD said it wasn't like that. He said this was after high school. Howard said she tricked him.
Gary said that Grillo who used to work there moved out for 4 months. He ran out of money and wanted to move back in but his parents said no and didn't let him move back. Howard said that's what they should do. He said his parents did it the right way. He said he couldn't wait to get the fuck out of that house. He said Sour shoes is almost 40 and he still lives at home. He said his parents kind of dig it though. He said they're unusual. He said most parents don't enjoy it.
Gary said his mom was no picnic. He said he had to get out of there. He said his mother walked in and wanted to charge him rent. He said he heard that and got out. Howard said he couldn't get out of his house fast enough. Robin said she couldn't afford food and she got out as soon as she could.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play but he should take a break. Fred agreed he should take a break. Howard asked Fred if he was living at home when he met him. Fred said he doesn't think so but it wasn't easy to leave when he was only making $150 a week. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard played the phony phone call the guys made to the storm chaser show. They had one of the guys yelling over a tropical storm he was stuck in. The hosts of the show were trying to talk to him but he said he couldn't hear them. He was asking for advice for the storm water coming into his house. Then he gurgled like he was drowning. The hosts kept going with their advice for the guy.
They called back and the guy said he was floating on his neighbor's corpse. Then he hit some power lines. The host hung up and said he's probably playing games. He said if you're in a tropical storm you won't have service. Then they called back and the guy said he was in a tree. The tree fell. The host asked why people have to fuck his show up.
Howard said they made that show a thousand times better. He said they didn't fuck it up. He said that was Chris Wilding doing the calls. Robin said they put their thinking caps on later in the show when he called back in. He said then they knew there wouldn't be service.
Howard said good job to Chris. He asked how he finds shows like that. Chris said what he does is start around 11 at night. He said the IQ goes down for these shows. He said a lot of guys pay to do their own shows. He said if you pay to do it at midnight then it has to be bad. Howard asked how you pay to do a show. Chris said there are a bunch of places. Howard said good job on that one.
Chris said there's one show he calls that is just for brain injury people. Howard said that sounds like a good one to call. Howard did his head injury guy voice and said he could do that. Chris said everyone on that show has a brain injury. He said most of the shows are done with a phone. He said the hosts usually sound worse than the guests.
Howard asked Chris if he's in a war with Jon Hein and Benjy. Chris said not with Jon. He said he's pissed at something Benjy did. He said Benjy is in a smaller studio now. He said he was in the studio talking about the Conclave and Benjy asked him to move out into the hallway. He said that it pissed him off because Benjy will come back into the bullpen and talk about utter bullshit. He said he never says a thing. He said this asshole has the balls to ask him to move it into the hall. He said it struck a nerve.
Benjy came in and said that this is mind blowing to him. He said he saw them talking and he asked them politely to talk in the hall. He said he's sorry if he ever interrupts him. Chris said he's always in the bullpen talking about stuff that isn't show related. Benjy said he does that during the breaks. Howard asked if he takes a stretch and walks around. Chris said he's always asking about how he can get some sleep. Howard said he saw that on Facebook the other day. Benjy said sometimes he talks to people. Howard said he's not a baby, figure it out. Benjy said he has gotten better at sleeping. He said some people give him advice.
Howard told Benjy to grow up and learn to sleep. Benjy said this has to be a put on or this is crazy. Howard said he heard he was getting erections during the Snoop Dogg interview. Benjy said he was. Howard asked why he was. Benjy said he doesn't know for sure. Howard told him to give an answer. Benjy said he wondered if it had something to do with the pot smell. He said that he told some sexual story and maybe it got him going. He said maybe it was when he saw Katy Perry's ass on the clouds. He said he stared to get erect. Howard asked why he has to announce to everyone that he got one. Benjy said he thought it was funny. Howard asked what they're going to do with that information. Benjy said they do talk back and forth about that stuff.
Chris said imagine that he hears this while he's trying to work. Benjy said he won't talk to him anymore. Benjy said he's going to talk about this. He said that he said it politely and he wasn't shushing them.
Howard read what Benjy wrote on Facebook about getting sleep. He read a post he had about the sleep thing and if edibles would work. Brent came in and said that if you give Benjy advice he will just ignore it completely. Howard said everyone has offered up solutions. He said just take them and try them or don't. He said it's enough with the sleep stuff.
Brent said he told him to get a certain type of vape pen and take a couple of puffs. He said that will get him to sleep. Benjy said Howard is making something out of nothing. Howard said thank you and goodbye.
Howard asked Brent how he's doing. Brent said he's good. Howard said he thinks they're done with this segment. He played a song parody about Benjy. He said that was Eli Braden.
Benjy said he tried to talk to Chris in the hall but they were trying to do work in there. Howard said he's zoning. Benjy said he is mischaracterizeing him. Howard said he understands what Benjy did but he can't do the same thing to them. Benjy said people can say they're in the middle of work and ask them to move. Howard said he thinks he's had enough. He asked the guys to go. He told Benjy if he wants to sleep them listen to this tape of his segment. Benjy said Robin was a dick to him yesterday. He said she doesn't have a high comprehension ability. Howard said it's enough already. He asked Benjy to leave. Benjy said pull him out of there Katy Perry style. Gary asked him to say the word and he'll pull him out. Howard said ''Gary, Gary, Gary'' and asked if that's the word. Gary said yes. Howard played another song parody about Benjy.
Howard said Sal was saying that he'd like to bang Sarah. Robin said she thought she looked great at the white House Correspondents dinner.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it will be a sad day when Howard leaves. Howard said not for him. The caller said he has a buddy who went on a web cam and he was talking to some girl who had him show his face. He said one day he gets a call and they had video of him jerking off. He said they demanded 5 grand or they'd show it. Howard said he'd pay it. Robin asked if he has an important job. The caller said his friend works for himself. Howard said his friend is an idiot. He said don't jerk off on camera and show your face. He said he should be charged $5,000. Howard asked why he's friends with this guy if he's such an idiot. He said JD used to do that to. Howard said JD would show his cock. JD said he never showed his face. Howard said he bets JD has some video out there.
Howard asked what you get out of showing your cock to these girls. The caller said he doesn't know because he's never done it. Howard said he's so paranoid that he covers the camera when he's jerking off to video that's not even live.
The caller said he told his friend not to pay the guy. He said they found out that they will just ask for the money again 6 months from now. Howard asked if his friend has money. The caller said he does. He said his friend has dated some celebrities and stuff. He said he works in the record industry. He said he used to live in L.A. so he became friends with a lot of people who are on TV. Howard asked if his friend's name is Rick Rubin. The caller said he wishes.
The caller said that they told the guy to fuck off and a few days later they got a call from a friend who said he's a sick man jerking off to boys. It turns out they changed the girl to a boy and they sent it off to 100 of his Facebook friends. He said they said if he didn't pay they'd send it to his family. Howard asked if he called the cops. The caller said he's not sure what to do.
Howard said he's going to give him some advice. He said that his friend is a real moron. The caller said he is a sex addict. He said the girl tricked him by saying she'd finger her asshole if he showed his face. Howard said it's just not as good when she can't see the guy's face. Howard said men are a disgrace.
Howard said tell your friend he's an idiot. He played a clip of a webcam girl getting pissed and yelling at guys for not being able to give her $5. Howard said Benjy just said he's erect again.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw that the heavy 100 list has Howard at number 5 in the top radio guys in the country. Howard said maybe one day he'll be number 1. The caller said last year he was at number 6. Howard said what an honor. Howard asked who is more successful in the industry than him. He asked who beat him. The caller said Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin and someone else. Howard said maybe one day he'll be up there at number 1. Howard said Sean Hannity throws an ice cream social at the Talkers Magazine convention every year. Howard said how about this ''I don't give a shit.'' He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he just peed. He said he feels emptied out. Robin asked if he ever found that tube. Howard said he didn't. He said someone else told him about that. He said there's some spot under your balls to press on. He said Johnny Knoxville told him to do that and then squeeze your penis 3 time. He said it's so depressing to get old. He said he used to be able to just put his penis back in his underpants and not worry about it. He said now he has to wrap his penis like a mummy so he doesn't get pee in his underpants. He said it's so stupid.
Howard said he thought the tissues would last through the day but they don't. He said he has to rewrap it.
Howard said Gwyneth Paltrow is there. He said she's a vision. He said she looks kind of great. Howard asked how she is. Gwyneth said she's good. Howard said she looks fresh. Gwyneth said she just landed from Los Angeles last night. She said she moved to L.A. maybe 4 years ago. She said she has to say that L.A. is pretty great. She said when you're old and not battling weather you want to be in the sun. Howard said everyone out there is constantly talking about their projects. Howard said even the limo driver and people working in the hotels are doing that. Gwyneth said it has changed. She said you see a lot of art and tech companies out there. She said it's much different now. She said it feels like it's having a bit of a renaissance.
Howard said he heard Gwyneth had an engagement party out there and she had Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson and others at the party. Gwyneth said there were a lot of regular people too. She said they had strippers there too. Howard asked if they really did. She said no but that would have been funny.
Howard said she just got in from L.A. so does she stay in a hotel. Gwyneth said she's staying with some friends. Howard said he'd have her stay at his place. Gwyneth said on the next trip. She said her friends are Nick and Derek. She said they're a gay couple. Howard said they must be beside themselves having her as a friend. He said that must be their dream friend.
Howard said he was watching her Oscar speech and it was very emotional. He said she was like 27. She said she was 26. Howard said it's the holy grail to be able to get an Oscar.
Howard said that her mother and father must have been very happy about her winning. He said that it was very genuine with her emotion. Howard asked if she knew her dad was dying. She said that he had an operation and had a very tough time recuperating. Howard asked if she ever watched herself back on that show. Gwyneth said she can't watch herself in a movie. She said she just can't do it.
Howard said she had her hair pulled back in a tight hair style and she almost looked bald. Howard asked why they made her pull her hair back like that. Gwyneth said she doesn't know. She said she had a top makeup guy at the time. She said they wanted to do that. Howard said he always notices that they do that at events like that. Howard said she looks beautiful no matter what. Gwyneth said it was a very intense time all around. She said she just went with it. Howard asked how much goes into what she's going to wear and what she's going to look like. Gwyneth said quite a lot. She said she thinks the movie studio paid for it all. She said it's such an industry now with what you wear and at the time it was slightly more mellow than that.
Howard said if he knew her back then he would have had her wear something more youthful. Gwyneth said that she was shocked when she heard her name mentioned. She said she wasn't prepared to do a speech. Gwyneth said she was overwhelmed and she was doing press back stage and she sat next to her dad and he wasn't looking at her. She said that she asked if he was okay. She said that she asked her not to look at him or he'd burst into tears. Howard asked if he was able to walk her down the aisle. She said she eloped. Howard said he would walk her down the aisle. Gwyneth said that would be hilarious. Howard said he would even over shadow her husband. He said that he'd even wear an Iron Man suit. He said he thinks it's a great press opportunity.
Howard said he was thinking about how she dedicated her Oscar to two people. He said it was her cousin who died young. He said she mentioned some other guy too. Howard asked if they died in a car accident. Gwyneth said her cousin Keith died at 23 from cancer. She said she was only 17. Howard said that's tragic. Gwyneth said it was before the Oscars. She said that the other person was Harrison and he was her best guy friend in school. She said she had forgotten about that moment.
Howard said that Gwyneth's mom didn't want her to be an actress. Howard said some dude spots her in Manhattan. Gwyneth said it was a woman. Howard said she asked her to be in a movie. Gwyneth said she was around the corner from her high school and this woman saw her. Howard asked why no one picked up on him to be in a movie. Gwyneth said he was in a movie though. Howard said not in high school.
Howard asked what movie it was. Gwyneth said it was about the Von Bulows. Howard asked who she was going to play. She said the daughter.
Howard asked how that worked. Gwyneth said she was smoking and drinking coffee at this cafe and she shouldn't have been doing that around the corner from her school. Howard said that it must have looked really funny. Gwyneth said she had a school outfit on and it had a grey kilt and a white shirt. She said she wishes she still had that outfit. Howard said she could put that on for her future husband if she still had it. Howard said that still works.
Howard said the movie was called Reversal of Fortune. Gwyneth said that's it. She said that this woman asked her to come audition for this movie. She said that she thinks it's good for kids to be kids. Howard said her daughter wants to be an actress. Howard said she has a mother who won an Oscar. Gwyneth said both of her kids want to act.
Howard asked if she ever felt guilt winning that Oscar because her mother never won one. Gwyneth said not consciously. She said her mother was a theater actor and she won a Tony at 26. Howard said he had a crush on her mom when he was a kid. He said she's was hot. Gwyneth said she's single now. Gwyneth said that Howard is her type. She said that she likes blue eyed Jewish guys. Howard asked how she knew he was Jewish. He said he doesn't look that way.
Howard asked Gwyneth about thanking Ben Affleck in that Oscar speech. He said he studied that speech. Gwyneth said he forgot that she did that. She said she might need to go back and study this. She said they were in a movie together. She said they had been dating too. Howard said Ben was a good looking dude. Howard asked how she knew not to marry him. Gwyneth said she thinks there are certain boyfriends you try to work stuff out with. She said he was very much a lesson in that way. She said that she's not sure what she was trying to heal but it was specific. Howard asked if she was making him a father substitute or something. Gwyneth said there was a story about why you will marry the wrong person in the NY Times. She said that whatever you have in your childhood is something that you're going to try to heal. She said that you try to reenact something from your childhood. She said you have to take a cold, hard look at yourself and try to break those patterns.
Howard asked if that's what she did when she got divorced. She said she did have to do that. She said she was disappointed that it didn't work out. She said that her friends are still married and she felt disappointed on many levels. Howard said she has an incredible life and a great occupation. Howard said the odds of it lasting are low. He said there's so much distraction there. Gwyneth said that she sees that. She said you are two people and you have children. She said that it's hard to realize that you can't keep that commitment. She said that's why they have really tried to keep the family intact.
Howard said he has friends who ask if they can do what she's doing in their divorce. Howard said he says no. Gwyneth said she thinks you can. She said you have to check your ego at the door. She said you have to let go of spite too. She said if you can do that then you can have a friendly divorce. She said it's all about your behavior. She said if you have anger then take it somewhere else. She said she and Chris had a tough time with that. She said they didn't want to have dinner together and things like that. She said if you have incredible hatred then don't do it. She said they tried to remember what they love about each other and keep that feeling of family for the children. She said you have fun for 2 hours with the whole family.
Howard asked how they can handle the parenting thing when they're not together. Gwyneth said they agree on a lot of how to parent the kids so that makes it work. She said Chris loves the kids a lot and they're his priority. She said she trusts him absolutely. Howard said he has so many people who say they think it's great that they've done that but they can't see their way clear to do that. Gwyneth said it's not easy. She said that if you approach it and focus on the things you love about the person then you can do it. She said that she still does that with Chris.
Howard asked if she remembers being in love with him. Gwyneth said he can't imagine that at all now. She said she has no idea. She said it's bizarre. Howard said it's like looking at him like a brother. Gwyneth said life is amazing.
Howard said when the kids were born she went into a Postpartum depression. Gwyneth said that was with her second. Howard said you lose a lot when you have the kids and is it a chemical imbalance or what. Gwyneth said that it may have been a combination of hormones and other things. He said it was a lot of unresolved trauma from her father's death and other things. She said she didn't have the guts to deal with things. She said she had a lot of work to do on herself. She said then she had the hormonal crash. She said she didn't know she had the depression for a while. She said she thought she'd be sobbing in the shower or having dark thoughts. She said she felt very disconnected from herself. She felt like a zombie. She was pretending everything and she wasn't able to get herself back. She said it was tinged with sadness. She said she wasn't sure what was wrong with her.
Gwyneth said Chris diagnosed her. She said he was asking what was happening and said he thinks she had Postnatal depression. She said she was very resistant because it felt like a failure. She said a lot of moms have that. She said she went to see someone and they were able to get her better without medication. She said a lot of women need medication. She said she started exercising and doing Yoga. She said she saw the therapist and she thought this was a great opportunity to wake up and deal with some stuff. She said her mom was in England at the time so that was hard. Howard said you want your mom nearby when you have a baby.
Howard asked how she met this new guy. He said she wasn't in an relationship last time he saw her. He said she's overcome depression and divorce. He said it must be pressure for the dude in this relationship. Howard said she met him at Glee. He said she won an Emmy for that too. He said that's exciting. Gwyneth said they became friends when they met. Howard asked if he was married. She said he was. She said he has kids and neither of them want more. She said he's fantastic with her kids. Howard said that must be tricky. He said it has to be when the kids come into it. Gwyneth said it is. She said they have to blend families.
Howard asked where they go on a date so the Paparazzi don't find them. Gwyneth said that he's not famous so they're not looking for him. Howard said that must be great to be dating a guy who isn't famous. He said you don't need that. Gwyneth said it's hard to have two famous people. She said she wouldn't change anything though. She said she still has Chris in her life and two great kids. She said being in the public eye is tough. Howard said he's never seen someone evaluated like she is. Howard asked what it is about her. He said she seems to be getting into the Oprah kind of thing with her Goop. Howard asked if she came up with that. Gwyneth said a friend of her's did. Howard asked if people thought she just slapped her name on a web site. She said they do so you have to prove that it's a good thing.
Howard asked Gwyneth what she's got going on. She said she's going to be in the next Avengers movie. She said she was in the first one too. Howard asked if she was pissed she wasn't asked to be in the second one. Gwyneth said she would have liked to be in it but it wasn't her decision. Howard said he likes her romance with Robert Downey Jr. in those movies. Gwyneth said it's fun. Howard said it works. Gwyneth said those movies are really good if you like that kind of thing.
Howard said she heard she had to go in and pitch stuff to get people to invest in Goop. Gwyneth said she's had to do that a lot. She said it was more difficult years ago when they weren't proven yet. Gwyneth said at the time she wasn't asking for 50 million either. She said this last time when they raised money the business is a good one so it was much easier this time. Howard said Goop is like someone opens a store and you like hearing about their lifestyle and you go shopping there. Howard said it's stuff that Gwyneth likes. Gwyneth said it started that way. She said they now have 200 people working there. Howard asked if they have to review every page with her. Gwyneth said she is very involved in it. She said she's in the office every day. She said it's located in Santa Monica. Howard asked if she dresses for the office. Gwyneth said she thinks she dresses that way. She said they can dress any way they want at the office. Howard asked if she takes meetings. She said she does. Howard said they should make a movie about that. Gwyneth said it's a great job. Howard asked if she has to fire anyone. Gwyneth said she has a couple of times. She said it's not great.
Howard asked if she has to talk to her psychiatrist about that ahead of time. Gwyneth said it is tough and she has to work on things like that. She said she's known some of the people a long time. Howard said he'd like to see how many names she knows of people who work there.
Howard said she has her Goop magazine and a book and a podcast. Howard said she had Oprah on her first Podcast. Gwyneth said she has a lot of respect for her. Howard asked why she doesn't have a TV show. Gwyneth said she's not sure. Gwyneth said she wanted Howard on her Podcast but he rejected her. Howard said he'll do it when he has something to promote. Gwyneth said she thinks that people would love to hear what he has to say about a bunch of things. Howard said he may have something to promote soon. He said he'll let her know. He said he doesn't do podcasts though. Gwyneth said he does one every day. Howard said this is not a podcast.
Howard asked what else she's up to. Gwyneth said she's doing a small part in her new Fiancee's TV show. Howard asked how she turns that down if she's not into doing it. Gwyneth said she'd just say no. Howard said that would be comfortable. Howard asked if he came up with Glee. She said he has two co-creators. She told Howard how that all worked.
Howard asked when she's getting married. Gwyneth said she's not sure but they hope to do it this year. She said she would like to do something so the kids can enjoy it. Howard said he's very happy being married. He said he thinks something changes when you do that traditional wedding. Gwyneth said Brad is very intelligent and a good person to try this with. Howard said she has to work out a Pre-nup. He said she must have more money than him. She said he's done more than Glee. She told Howard about some of the other big shows he's done. Howard asked how they're going to work all of this out. Gwyneth said they're going to figure it out and do it in their own way. Howard said this is weird. He said they need to talk about all of this. Gwyneth said they will. Howard said she has to be treated in a certain way. He said he should pay for some stuff. Gwyneth said he does pay for stuff.
Howard said he loves romance. He said he loves the whole thing going from working together to the date and the first kiss. He said that's what he loves in every movie. He said she's high profile and almost like a princess. Gwyneth said no. Howard said she really is. Howard said she's been through a divorce and she has her own struggles. He said she goes to work on Glee and then she meets this new guy. Howard asked if she knew when she looked at him that he was the one. She said she was into the work and didn't think about that. She said they became friends and he was so great. She said she had that job that her dad had and they had some interesting conversations. Howard asked if she's working something out with him. She said you're always working something out. Howard asked if that was a turning point that he had the job that her dad had. Gwyneth said she thinks that was a good thing. Howard asked how he didn't get stuck in the friend zone with her. Gwyneth said she doesn't know. Howard said it's tricky with that. He said he bets he was attracted to her right away. Gwyneth said he'd have to ask him. She said she had known him for a few years before the started dating. She said it was an evolution. She said she did start thinking about how there were people like Brad out there in the ether. Howard asked more questions about how it all started and she said she doesn't remember all of the details. She said it's different than when you're 23 and meet someone.
Howard said when he met Beth he knew he didn't want to see anyone else. Gwyneth said she felt that way too but it took a while. Howard asked if she's surprised it turned romantic. Gwyneth said no. She said now she's not surprised at all. Howard said it's mysterious that she doesn't recall. She said she recalls that she met him and thought he was fantastic. She said over time it happened. She said they moved to L.A. and she and Brad had a friendship that felt like it was heading in this direction. She said she felt responsible for her children and she wondered how to handle all of the dating stuff. She said it's very complicated.
Howard said Gwyneth is going to be step-mommy to Brad's kids. Howard asked how old they are. She said he has the same age kids. Howard said it's like The Brady Bunch. Gwyneth asked how old his kids are. Howard said he has a 35, 33 and one in her 20s. He said he isn't a grandpa though. He said eventually he will be but he can't imagine. He said he's into it. He said he guesses he is. He said at first he forbid it.
Howard said she's going to have her hands full with the kids. Gwyneth said she knows. She said she has a nanny to help. Howard asked if the kids resent it when she goes away to do a movie. Gwyneth said they don't love it. Howard said he read somewhere that the kids said she doesn't ''have to'' go to work. He said he remembers reading something about that. Gwyneth said they may have said that.
Howard said he never sees Apple anywhere. He said she does a good job of keeping them out of the news. She said she tries. She said her parents tried to do that with her too. She said that they wanted them to have a relatively normal childhood.
Howard asked Gwyneth about the internet and how people comment on her all the time. Howard said he knows women who worship her and they call her ''Gwinny.'' He said there are some women who say ''Fuck her.'' He said that's weird. He asked how she took herself out of that loop. Gwyneth said she was in her 20s and she was doing films. She said that she would get faxes of the articles she was in. She said she remembers thinking this wasn't good for her. She said she didn't need to know this stuff positive or negative. She said she just stopped reading stuff. Howard said he has tried that but then he gets sucked in. He said then he gets bummed out. He said then he gets the one negative thing and it sticks with him. Gwyneth said that's the way it goes.
Howard asked if any actresses come to her asking how to be or how to act. Gwyneth said young entrepreneurs come to her. She said that she spends a lot of time with some women. She said she mentors them in a way. She said she has never had an actress call her. She said she would welcome it if they did.
Howard asked what feels better, the acting or the Goop thing. Gwyneth said she thinks she likes the Goop thing. She said she's so grateful for the whole period of her life where she was acting. She said she was able to start Goop because of that. She said that she wouldn't change anything about it. She said it was great for her to be able to pivot from acting to the entrepreneur thing. She said it's been a steep learning curve. She said she's very proud of what they're doing. Gwyneth said it gives her the exhilaration of being on stage.
Howard asked if the Harvey Weinstein thing comes up all the time. He said she was part of that whole thing. Gwyneth said she hasn't been asked about it that much. She said she just said it in the NY Times. She said it's been astonishing to see what's happened in the past year since the article came out. Howard said Ronan Farrow is on fire. He said he's finding out everything about everyone. He said Mia must be proud. Gwyneth said the work is so thorough and diligent and they're doing a good job with it. She said that she got a call from Jodi. Howard asked if it was a big decision for her to go through with the whole thing. She said looking back on it now the whole landscape has changed. She said when this happened the story hadn't broken yet. She said it changed the culture. Gwyneth said she had been talking to the authors the whole summer about it and she wasn't sure she wanted it to come out. Howard said Jodi is a reporter. Gwyneth said she is and she works for the NY Times. Gwyneth said through Jenny Connor she said she wanted to talk to her about this. She said she heard she was sexually harassed by Harvey. She said she took the call with trepidation but she wasn't sure she wanted to go on the record with it. Howard asked if she had people tell her not to deal with it. She said she did. She said she didn't tell anyone she was talking to them about this the whole summer.
Howard said Harvey was a big deal in her life so it must have been hard. He said he was going to take advantage of a young girl so that had to go through her head. Howard asked if she has mixed emotions about him now. Gwyneth said no. She said when Harvey did what he did she told Brad Pitt, who was her boyfriend at the time, what had happened. She said she was alone in a room with Harvey and he came out of the blue with that. She said she had been having an incredible experience at Miramax. She said that was in the mid 90s and they had this big boom of movies. She said they had this big group of artists and it was like a family. She said she was shocked when this happened. She said she was dating Brad at the time too. She said she was blind sided by this. Howard said she asked her to go get a massage with him. Howard said he was dressed at the time though. Gwyneth said he was.
Howard asked if she disconnected after that. He said she must have seen that before. Gwyneth said she never had. She said that she had never encountered it before. Howard said his wife has had it a lot. He said he credit when he told him about this shit. He said he can't imagine being a young girl and being unprotected from this shit. He said he was like a dad to her. Gwyneth said she was shocked.
Howard asked what Brad did. Gwyneth said she told him right away. She said she had two movies she was doing with Harvey. She said she was afraid. Gwyneth said they were out at a play and Brad was upset and went and confronted Harvey. Howard said most guys take action when you tell them something like that. Howard said Brad took it upon himself to confront Harvey. Gwyneth said it was fantastic. She said he risked his fame and power to protect her. She said she didn't have that at the time.
Gwyneth said that Harvey was never inappropriate with her again. She said they did have fights over the years but that was it. Howard said maybe he was sexually frustrated. Gwyneth said power was his currency. She said he knew when to give you something and take it away. She said he knew how to get what he wanted. Gwyneth said they had one more phone conversation where they agreed to put that all behind them. She said that their professional relationship was fraught at times. She said that he would make you go everywhere to promote something. She said they would joke about what Walmart they were going to for promotion that weekend.
Howard said he used to get email from Harvey all the time about what to see. He said he was relentless. He said he had to write to him and tell him he had to stop. Howard said it's like the ''I own you'' thing with him. He said that Harvey's wife designed his wife's dress. He said that there must be nothing that can satisfy that guy.
Howard asked if there were any other women she knows about who had that happen to them. Gwyneth said they thought it was a joke and they had no idea there was a darker line. Howard said it does become a joke and you don't realize it.
Howard said Gwyneth's microphone just went out. He said something happened. Her microphone was all messed up and working but not correctly. They had to swap it for another one.
Howard said Gwyneth has a new book out. He said one of them is sexual. Gwyneth said the new one is ''The Sex Issue: Everything You've Always Wanted to Know about Sexuality, Seduction, and Desire.'' Howard said she's tackling it all. He said this book goes into anal and oral. He said it even says that you should think of your vagina like something that engulfs a penis. Howard said he likes that. Gwyneth said she doesn't remember that line. Howard said it's in the book.
Howard asked Gwyneth what her stance is on men having their anus played with by a woman. Howard said he thinks it's kind of gay. Gwyneth asked if he has tried it. Howard said he clenched up. He said that's not his thing. Howard asked if Gwyneth does that. She laughed and said some people like that. She said the idea of the book is to eliminate the shame of sex. She said that they want to rip that shame and judgment out of sex. Howard said we are sexual beings and this is something we do.
Gwyneth said for women it's something new that women can ask these questions. She said they're very much behind empowering women to ask questions about this. Howard said he has a lot of shame because he has a small penis. Gwyneth said she doesn't believe him about that at all. Howard said believe him. He asked if size matters. Gwyneth said it depends on the person. She said it's yes for some and no for others. Howard asked if it matters to her. Gwyneth didn't answer. She said Robin knows about this. Robin said she could have written a book about it.
Howard said Gwyneth shares a lot with the public. He said she's setting an example. Gwyneth said if you have a platform it's important to share your lessons with people who are interested. Howard said he likes that. He said she made him feel something for Brad Pitt too. He said he use to be jealous of his looks.
Howard said look at Gwyneth. He said she's been with Chris Martin, Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt and now this new guy. He said he's going to look into him to see who is better looking than all of those guys. He said he wouldn't want to follow all of those guys. Gwyneth told him to stop it. She said he has the most beautiful wife.
Howard gave Gwyneth a plug for the new book and talked to her about being friendly with Oprah. Gwyneth said she thinks she'd like doing this show. Howard said he gets critical of her. He said he didn't like the dress she wore to the royal wedding. Gwyneth said she didn't see it. She didn't watch the wedding because it was on in the middle of the night.
Howard said she should have a big wedding. Gwyneth said she feels like she did that. She said she's just going to have family at this one.
Howard found out she's friends with Cameron Diaz and he said he'd like to hang out with then. Howard said he could keep talking to her for 10 hours. Gwyneth said she's up for it. She wanted to keep going. Howard said he has to let her go. He said he heard that Cameron is done with acting. Gwyneth said she thinks she just wanted to take a sabbatical and evaluate things. Howard talked to Gwyneth about Cameron's husband and what she's been up to.
Howard asked where they're at with tattoos. Gwyneth said she doesn't have any but do what is right for you. She said her father forbade her from getting any.
Howard asked what Brad said to Harvey. She said he went up to him and said if he ever made her feel uncomfortable again he'd kill him or something like that.
Howard gave Gwyneth some more plugs for the book and for her Goop stuff. He said it's for men and women. He said check out Goop.com. He said the future is paved with Goop. He said he'll give her that line. Gwyneth said she likes that. Howard said Robin is a Goop girl. Robin said she looks at it. She takes some advice from it. Howard said he does too. He said he has Ben-Wa balls inside him now. Gwyneth said she thought he didn't like anything anal. Howard said he really doesn't. He said imagine him with those balls in there. Howard said his wife loves her. Gwyneth said she brought her a present. She brought one for Robin too. Howard said that's very nice. Howard asked what she got him. She said she got Beth something, not Howard. Gwyneth said she only got Howard Ben-Wa balls. Howard said he's not sure what the rush is with those things. Gwyneth said she's not sure. Howard said this was great but one day they'll have a real conversation. Gwyneth said they can do it on her podcast. Howard asked if he can ask how big Brad Pitt's penis is. He asked if he can ask if she does more than Missionary. She said she would talk about that on her podcast. Howard said he'll do it if she'll answer those questions. Howard said book him on that podcast today. He said she can ask whatever she wants and he'll do the same. Howard asked if he can ask how big Ben Affleck is. She said she'll answer those questions. Howard said this is going to be wild. He said they can't let apple listen to this. Gwyneth said no way.
Howard said his nightmare is being edited. He said he can't be edited on her podcast. Gwyneth said they won't edit him. Howard said he wonders what he'll wear. Gwyneth said it doesn't matter because it's a podcast. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said people were wondering why Beetlejuice wasn't there yesterday. He said that he has some problem with diabetes so he wasn't able to make it. He said Beet's mom isn't letting him leave the house. He said he appreciates that she's taking care of him. He said he comes there once a year now.
Howard said yesterday's Conclave should be on the app later today. He said it should be up by 5 tonight. He said it's part of the SiriusXM service now.
Howard read some of the feedback about yesterday's show. He said one guy said it was the best show in a long time. Howard said don't bum him out with comments like that. He read some other email about the Wack Pack voting in Marfan Mike yesterday. Howard said someone asked where Gary the Conqueror was. Howard said just try to wrangle all of these guys. Howard said that Gary has a job so he can't come in there for this nonsense.
Howard read an email about how funny it was when Wendy was coughing. Howard said he's worried about her. Fred played some clips of Wendy choking while in her recording session yesterday. Howard said someone wrote that Wolfie should be in the Wack Pack for arguing against Marfan Mike. Howard went through a bunch of other email before getting to Robin's news.
Howard took a call from a guy who said every show is the best show ever. He said it's been good stuff. He said it was good today with Gwyneth. Howard said she's very real. He said he likes her. The caller said he didn't want to listen to her podcast but he'll have to when Howard is on.
Robin read a story about Shania Twain and Mutt Lang breaking up a while back. Robin said that Mutt left her for her best friend. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said that Shania found out about an affair an Mutt went off and married her friend. Robin said she read that Shania ended up marrying the best friend's husband. Howard said that's wild. Robin said she had no idea that was going on.
Robin read about this 31 year old whose parents are trying to kick him out of their house. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes and told him that his parents are going to take him to court. He said time's up for him. Sour was making all kinds of odd sounds. Howard hung up on him and Robin got back to the story. She said that he has squatters rights when you stay in a house like that. Robin said that the guy has to move out and they got the eviction notice. Robin said the judge ruled in the parent's favor. Robin had some audio of the 31 year old speaking in court. Robin had some audio of this guy after court saying that it seems like he should have 30 days or so to get out. He said that he is expecting something like that. He's hoping to file an appeal in that time. Howard said the best thing to him is the guy's look and how he looks like a rock star. He said he has no right to that when you don't go out and earn. Howard had this Michael Rotondo guy on the phone. One of the guys in the back was doing the voice. Howard spent a minute with him. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the new Starbucks policy that lets anyone use their bathroom and sit in their stores as long as they want. Howard said they have to do that. He said there's a video online of this woman shitting in a Starbucks. He said she must have asked to use the bathroom and they said no. Gary said he was shocked at her ability to shit as fast as she did. Howard said she went right away. Howard said they don't want people just hanging out in there. Howard got a note saying that woman was in a Tim Horton's, not a Starbucks. Howard didn't know what that was.
Robin read a story about NFL owners who are trying to deal with players kneeling. Robin said they're thinking about giving 15 yard penalties to teams that have players who kneel. Howard said he'd worry more about head injuries than that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's the best. He said he's heard him more than he's heard his own father or friends. He said Howard looked amazing on the David Letterman special on Netflix. He said he saw the preview. Howard said he needed that. He thanked the guy for the call. Howard said no one names their kid Howard now. He said only his mom. He laughed about that.
Robin read a story about Trump talking about MS13 gang members being animals. Robin said they are owning it and sticking with that.
Robin read a story about how Trump bad mouths the media to keep people from believing the negative stories about him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was telling Gwyneth that he's not doing any podcasts. She said he decided he's not going to do anything after that Letterman thing. Howard hung up on her a short time later.
Robin read a story about Michael Cohen's co-worker agreeing to work with investigators after taking a plea agreement. Howard said if you know something you have a get out of jail free card.
Robin said that there's a group that says they're afraid that Amazon.com is selling their facial recognition software to the government. Robin said they think they shouldn't be selling it. Howard said he watches the show SEAL and they have a computer that identifies people right away. He said he thinks it's great. Robin said he says that but then he won't get Alexa. Howard said he thinks it's great for capturing criminals.
Howard said the CDC is warning about swimming pool diseases. Howard said he never goes in public pools. He said kids make doody in those pools. Robin said they say you can pick up all sorts of germs from those pools. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he can't wait to see the Conclave video. He also asked if he thinks it's a good idea for Gwyneth to put her acting career on the back burner. Howard said she enjoys it so why not. He said it's going well for her. Balls said it was great when she said she likes big cocks too. Howard said he's going to start a lifestyles web site and maybe call it Splooge.
Howard asked Robin about the cocks she's had and she had a guy who was too big. Robin said the guy who went in too far didn't know what he was doing. Howard said that's making him sad. Robin said they were both young and inexperienced. Howard asked about the guy who was too thick and too long. Robin just laughed. Robin said they were in a relationship for a long time so they learned to work with it.
Robin read a story that says in 27 years 22 percent of the world will be obese. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read about how people who sleep in on the weekends may live longer. Robin read the details of that study.
Robin read a story about actor Clint Walker dying at the age of 90. Robin said Phillip Roth also died at 85. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around l1:15am.
Today's show was over around 10:55am.