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Howard started the show talking about how things seem weird with his equipment again. He was checking for a breakup in his headphones. He said he has a real problem there. He said maybe it's his headphones. He said here we go again. He said it sounds like his whole thing is breaking up. He said something is up.
Howard asked the guys to check out his headphones. Robin wasn't hearing whatever he was hearing. He said he has to try another set of headphones. That was the problem. He said he needs a new set. He said it's all fixed for now.
Howard said he's sweating from his coffee. He said he had the worst weekend. He said on Friday he went and got the brand new vaccine for when you have shingles. He said it's a brand new thing. He said he had it a couple of years ago. He said it was only 50 percent effective and this one is 95. He said he got the new one vaccine. Robin said she didn't know this even existed. Howard said they recommend anyone over 50 get it because shingles are very painful. He said they give you high fevers and it's just awful. He said his dad had it on his face a couple of years ago and it was awful. He said he got the new vaccine and the doctor said he gave it to about 10 people and no one had a reaction to it. He said he got walloped with it. He had a fever and chills and his legs were weak like rubber. He said he had to put himself to bed. He missed his whole weekend.
Howard said he went to the Metropolitan Museum and had to leave early because he felt so bad. He said he went to see their watercolor exhibit. Howard said he was so sick and disgusting. He said he was healthy on Friday and he made himself sick. He said now he has the shingles vaccine. He said most people don't have a reaction to it.
Howard said he didn't take anything to get through it. He said he just went to bed. He said he sweat through like 20 t-shirts. Robin said he could have taken aspirin for it. Howard said he'd rather just sleep through it than that. He said he doesn't want to mask it with aspirin. He said he'd rather go to sleep.
Howard said Beth was in L.A. the whole weekend. He said he had plans for himself to do stuff. He said instead of just laying in bed asking the lord to take him. He said that it just sucked.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her husband got chicken pox or something. Her phone was cutting out so Howard questioned what she was on. She hung up before he got an answer. Howard said things are getting worse and not better with technology. He said phones used to be great. He said he still believes in hard wired phones.
Howard said he had to work on his Bon Jovi speech. He said he should be able to do something quick and easy but he has to write something because people are waiting to hear what he has to say.
Howard said his first annoyance is this Letterman interview. He said Letterman quit his show and came on their show and asked him to do the new Netflix show with the Radical Brothers. He said he said he'd do it and he was honored to do it. He said he was happy to be asked but he was also a little annoyed. Howard said Letterman teamed up with this Radical Brothers. He said he went and did the interview a week ago and he did fine. He said the company is Radical Media and not brothers. He said he thinks two brothers run the company. He said it's just two guys. He said they're a radical pain in his ass.
Howard said Dave thanked him for doing the interview and he ran away after it. He said it's weird how Dave does that. He said he's like a top secret guy. He said he's not sure where he's going. Howard said he did 2 hours with the guy.
Howard said he came home on Wednesday last week and there was a gift. He said it was a bag with a gift in it and a card. He said it was from the Radical company thanking him for doing the interview. He said they wanted him to have this gift. He said he opened it up and it was a jacket. He said they used to do that on Letterman's TV show. He said this is a baseball jacket and it says ''The Radical Brothers'' on it. He showed Robin what he was talking about. He said he was asking what the fuck this is. He asked who is going to wear that. He said he doesn't know if this was made for him because of the ''Radical Brothers'' thing. He said it's not a gift. He said it's all about them. He said Dave made the joke about working with the brothers and now they're glorifying that. He said they gave it to him so he can go promote it more. Howard said that's hardly a gift.
Howard said if anyone on the staff wants the jacket they can feel free to take it. He said the only ones who care are those brothers.
Howard said Benjy wants the jacket. He told him to come take it. Benjy came in and tried it on. Howard told him to take it all. Benjy tried it on and it fit sort of. Howard said it looks like a tent. He said he can have the bag too. He said he's like a walking billboard.
Howard said that's all he got. He said if he gets more he'll give it to Benjy. Robin said now he doesn't have to buy a jacket. Benjy said he has hoodies. Howard said now he has that jacket.
Howard said he was annoyed by the Shingles vaccine and the jacket. He said it was really insulting. Robin said it's really not a gift. She said it's either a joke or they want him to advertise for them. Howard said Dave doesn't need to send him a gift.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had shingles at 19 and he had his appendix out. He said they said he could go to Italy and he had the shingles all over his back and stomach. He said the whole two weeks he was gone and he was miserable. Howard said you can't even touch it. The caller said it was really bad. He said it was like someone burned his back. Howard said it's really sensitive. He said it feels like you're on fire.
Howard said he has another thing that annoyed him. He said they interviewed Jennifer Lawrence recently and it generated a lot of news. He said it's interesting to him that this occurred. He said there's a newspaper in England called the Daily Sun and it's a tabloid. He said they printed an article about an interview they did with Jennifer but he's reading it and it was their interview. Howard said there's reporter's name on it and he's taking full credit for it. Howard said the Sun says it's the most outrageous interview and it's his interview. Howard said they either asked her the same questions or they lifted the whole thing. Howard said he knows it's a tabloid but then other papers were picking it up and crediting them. Howard said the big deal is that when you go online they have an advertisement for the Daily Sun. He said that it's all about Jennifer and it helps them advertise their newspaper. Robin said that reporter is also getting credit. Howard said he's wondering if the reporter lied to the editor or if they knew that it was his interview. Howard said this is playing into the mistrust of the media. Howard said if they attribute it to him then they don't get credit. Howard said it's plagiarism. He said photographers have been suing over their pictures being stolen and that's the same thing. He said it's theft.
Howard said they have a list of publications that credited the Sun for this interview. He said this is the way they do business.
Jason came in and said it's crazy the number of publications that took credit for the interview. He read a list of some of the big publications that took credit. Howard read some of the article that they had. Howard then played a clip from his interview where she said the exact same thing.
Howard said he's not sure if this Dan Wooton is a real guy or not. He said he could at least change the quote around.
Howard read another quote and then played the clip again. It was the same quote. Howard read another quote and played the audio from his interview.
Howard said they have no problem taking an interview from his show. He said just give attribution if they do. He said he's not sure why they feel good about this. He asked where it fucking ends. Jason said it appears to b a hit job. He said they immediately wrote another article that linked to that one and said Jennifer sat down with them. Howard said this is the Daily Sun. Jason said it's actually The Sun. Howard said they probably write about him being an asshole in there too. Jason said this is like taking money from Sirius. Robin said they have no recourse in this.
Howard said he loves Sirius and the things he adds is that they get a lot of attention when he does stuff like this. He said they lifted this interview and then they'll tell him to stop being such a crybaby. Robin said this is how they survive. This is how they make a living. Jason said people pay a subscription to hear those quotes.
Howard played another clip that was lifted in the article. He said they can't even quote it right. Howard played another clip of Jennifer saying something in his interview that The Sun took.
Howard said that they make it seem like this guy was a wild interviewer. Howard said now they have a different writer in The Sun talking about this interview that says Jennifer did an interview with them. Howard asked what's going on there. Jason said there should be lawyers involved. Howard said he hates The Sun and he doesn't even know what it is. He said they actual sun should sue.
Howard said the shingles vaccine annoyed him and this annoyed him. Robin said this is wrong and he should be annoyed by this. Howard said they should just say that Howard Stern did the interview.
Howard said the editor of the Sun is on the phone. He took a call from the guys in the back and they had the guy saying they'll never do that again. He asked who they have coming in this week. Howard said he's afraid to say. The editor asked some questions about the show and his interviews and took some notes about it for a new article. Howard took a call from fake Dave Wooton who was joking around about that too.
Howard said he's sure he was annoyed by other things too. He said this article thing really sucks. He said it's a weird thing. He said if there are actual journalists there who would want to do something like this.
Howard said he has the Shingles on the phone. He had The Lump on the line doing his Shingles voice talking about how he's screwed and Benjy is fucked because he got on the jacket. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he was listening about this shingles vaccine and he was figuring he'll be the 5 percent of people who get it after the vaccine. Gary said that Benjy is saying he's afraid that he has the shingles on it. Howard said that's what the shingles just called in saying.
Howard said this interview took place in 2006. He said FOX freaked out about it and never aired it until now. Howard said hearing OJ makes him sound like such a tool. He said you have to hear him laugh. He said the guy is a fucking maniac. Howard said the book was canceled and the Goldman family won the rights to it. Howard said that poor family.
Howard said that he'll play some highlights. He played a clip of OJ talking about some baseball bat incident with Judith. Howard played another clip of OJ talking about Nicole talking about not taking the stand at their divorce. He said that she just didn't want to lie on the stand. Howard said she was afraid of the guy. He said that's why she didn't testify.
Howard did his impression of OJ and goofed on his laugh. Howard said this clip is going to get your blood boiling. He said he claims that he wasn't stalking her but he talks about seeing her at a restaurant and then going by her house. He played that clip and OJ said he wasn't stalking her but he did run into her when he was out with a group of friends. He was talking about how maybe he could get some if he went over to see her. He said he got to her house and he saw that she was involved with something. He said he just hit the door and left. He said he hit the door twice and left.
Howard said this guy is such a cunt. He said stalkers never think they're stalkers. Robin said he hit the door instead of just leaving. Howard said the guy is a maniac.
Howard said this is OJ talking about what could have happened if he had done this. Howard said then he forgets and then he starts talking about what he did. OJ was talking about how he had a guy named Charlie with him to help with the murders... if he had done it. OJ talked about grabbing the knife from Charlie and then he doesn't remember anything. He said he was standing there and there was all kinds of stuff around. He said blood and stuff. He said he hates to say this... and then he starts laughing.
Howard said he loves that laugh. He did more of his impression of OJ and called him a wacko. Howard said he also hypothetically takes off his glove. He said he must have because they did find a glove there.
Howard said at Nicole's funeral he says he was still angry with her. He played that clip next. OJ was talking about how he had so many feelings and if you're angry with them you don't lose that when they die.
Howard said he's a sick fuck. He said this fucking OJ is walking around with that smirk on his face. He did his impression of him talking about that stuff.
Howard said OJ said he has yelled at Nicole's grave. He said a friend of Nicole's backed up that claim. Howard played a clip of OJ talking about how he's cursed her at her grave site. Judith Regan was talking about how they got calls from the cemetery that he was there yelling at her grave. Howard said imagine the guy doing that at the cemetery. Howard said imagine him digging her up and yelling at her skeleton. He did his impression of him talking about doing that.
Howard said that poor Ron Goldman lost his life because of this fucker. He did more of his impression of OJ going off on Nicole.
Howard said that fucking OJ is a piece of shit fuck face. He said he loves Judith getting this confession out of him. He said he likes Judith though. He said she got so much shit for this that she got fired. Howard said imagine if OJ had killed her on camera. He did more of his impression of OJ.
Howard said OJ's grammar is all over the place too. Robin said he didn't get an education. Howard said he was an English Lit major. He was doing his impression of OJ talking about that education. Howard said OJ was so angry at his classes that he stabbed his books.
Howard said that guy had the world by the balls. He said he had movies, girls, money and Brentwood. He said he couldn't get that Nicole off his mind. Howard did more of his impression of OJ and had him not being able to spell.
Howard said he has that weird laugh too. He said it's like a ''tee hee'' thing. He did more of his impression of that and talked about beating up a car and stabbing Nicole. He said the guy is a fucking maniac.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he gets in the car and swears that he thought it was old Soupy tapes. He said he can't tell the difference between Soupy and OJ. Howard said he's not Rich Little. He said his impressions aren't all that great. He said who cares. He said it's Soupy OJ. He did a mix of Soupy and OJ after that.
Howard said OJ is one dangerous mother fucker. He took another call from a woman who said this should be required viewing for high school girls. She said this is what they have to prevent. She said we can't have more Nicole's out there. She said this is textbook listening to this man talking about the mother of his children. Howard said how about how he beats up the car because he paid for it. He said he knows a lot of women who marry assholes. The caller said that if young women could be in the room together to see this and take note. She said this is the worst case scenario. Howard said love is blind. Robin said a lot of people's decisions are made by their biology. Howard repeated her and said he's going to be like the Daily Sun and take what she said.
The caller said they can only hope that OJ will do something to get him arrested again. Howard did his OJ impression and had him talking about how this caller is fixing to lose her head. Howard did the OJ laugh with that too.
Howard said he has a feeling that Charlie lives in OJ's head. The caller said yelling at the grave is crazy too. He said that he was saying that she made him kill her. She said they can only hope that people learn from this behavior.
Howard did a knock, knock with the caller, Mary, who said she's not answering. Howard told her to just say ''Who's there?'' She said it and Howard said ''Your head on the ground.'' Howard said Charlie just knocked in Robin's door.
Howard said what a piece of shit OJ is. He said it's too bad Ron didn't have a gun that night. He said he could have protected Nicole. Robin said he probably thought OJ was just OJ. She said he didn't know he had to worry about being killed by the guy. Howard said what an idiot for doing an interview like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how much his kids must hate him going on and doing this interview. Howard said he's not sure the kids even talk to him. Howard said he thinks the daughter does. He said he doesn't hear much about the son. Robin said he had older kids with a different woman. She said she's not sure what the younger kids are doing. Howard said he's not sure about the son he had with Nicole. He said he doesn't know anything honestly.
Howard said the family has gone after OJ for the money from this stuff. Howard said the Goldman family has tried to bankrupt OJ but he somehow keeps going. He said the law seems to work for OJ and no one else.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would interview OJ if he wanted to come on. Howard said he doesn't want to come on. He said even when he was Mr. America he didn't want to come on. He said he wouldn't have him on the show now. He said the guy killed two people. He said 25 years ago he was sort of on the show. He said that's when he was in the hall at K-Rock. Howard said OJ sat on the board of Infinity Broadcasting. Gary said he thinks they wanted him because they were getting football games for all the markets and he was like a liaison for Infinity.
Howard said this was in March of 1993 when OJ was in the building for a meeting. He said Gary convinced him to drop in. He said he was actually in the hallway. He never sat down. Howard said 14 months later Nicole and Ron were murdered. He said then the trial happened and all of that.
Howard said it was the lamest interview ever. He said he'll play some of it. He said that it's the 25th anniversary of that visit. He said they did get a lot of great drops that Fred plays to this day.
Howard played some of the OJ clips where he said things like ''Beating a Dead Horse'' and ''It happens'' and ''Look out!'' Howard said he was asking OJ about his divorce from Nicole when he said that.
Howard had another drop of OJ saying ''I would love to.'' He said he asked OJ to come back for a more in depth interview. OJ said he would love to. Howard said he thinks the double murder interfered with that.
Howard said it sounds like he was in the studio but he was actually in the hall. He said he didn't come close to sitting down. Howard played more clips of him that Fred has played as drops over the years.
Howard wondered if OJ has convinced himself that he didn't do the murders. Howard said Angry Alice hates OJ. He said she was talking to Shuli and he asked her about OJ. Howard played a clip of Alice going off on OJ. She was also talking about the Menendez brothers and how they didn't get out. She said she'd put a bullet in OJ's head. She said they should have been out too. Howard said he thinks she's a racist. Robin said she has said that she doesn't like black people. Howard said they tried to put their OJ impressionist on the phone with Alice but she didn't want to talk to him. He played a clip of Sal calling Alice and telling her they have someone big who wants to talk to her. They put the guy on and she hung up immediately.
Howard said Sal called her back and tried again. He played the clip and Alice was saying she has too much on her plate for this. Sal put OJ back on the line and Alice cursed him out and hung up.
Howard said Sal called her again to apologize. Howard played that clip and Alice said OJ is a murderer and he knows he did it. Sal said he'd put him back on the phone. He put him on again and Alice stayed on for a few with fake OJ before she hung up. Howard said she's the smartest person he knows. He said she knows to hang up on OJ. Howard said he has to take a break. He said after that they'll start up again. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Flip Wilson came in and demonstrated that on the show once. Brian said he heard that Bill Clinton had it and that's how they knew Monica Lewinsky wasn't lying. Howard said he doesn't think he had a pump. He said he may have had a curvature of the penis which is known as Peyronie's disease. Brian said that's what the call what he has too. Robin asked if his wife feels bad about him breaking it. Brian said she does. Howard said that he has to teach her a lesson. He said that in his OJ voice.
Howard was wondering about the penis thing but when Brian got into details he cut him off and said he's pretty careful with his wife. He said he stays halfway in. Robin said that the problem comes when it comes out. Howard said he doesn't get too crazy. He said the porn stuff teaches guys the wrong thing.
Howard said he was watching porn over the weekend. He said it was nun porn. He said they recommended it to him and he's not sure why. He said that he didn't stick with it. He said it was an old nun with a young nun and he didn't like it. He said that it was more for chicks. He said the nun removes her habit and her hair spills down and the young nun opens up that penguin looking thing. He said they talk like ''spread your nun pussy'' and stuff. He said the old nun ruined the whole thing. He said he couldn't get into it. Robin asked if he's proud of himself. Howard said he is.
Howard said he has audio of Dennis Rodman on the show talking about breaking his penis. He played the clip of Dennis talking about running and jumping on a woman and he had blood everywhere. Howard said this is from something called Viceland, not their show. Howard said he thinks he talked about it on their show. JD said he did. Robin didn't understand what he said. Howard said his tongue has Peyronie's disease. They played a song parody with JD's laughs and hoots in it. Howard said a lot of work goes into those songs.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked how he is. Howard said pretty bad now that he show is being slowed down. The caller said if more men had Peyronie's disease more women would orgasm. She said that's an asset to have a curved penis. Howard asked how they go in. The caller said there are ways. She said that she's sure there is a way. She said she has been with a guy who had a curved dick. Howard asked how curved it is. She wasn't sure. Howard said he's never seen a curved dick before. The caller said women can't orgasm with a straight dick. Robin asked what she means. The caller said that she can't. She said she needs a curved penis. Howard said maybe her pussy is shaped like a roller coaster. He said maybe some women have a weird vagine.
Howard got back to the Dennis Rodman clip from Viceland where he talked about breaking his penis 3 times. He played a clip of Dennis talking about running and jumping on a woman and then talking about a woman who pushed back on him hard and he broke his penis again. He said there was blood all over. Howard said Kim Jong Un liked that story too.
Howard played the clip of Dennis talking about having sex in a hotel room and he broke his penis again. Howard said that was so hard to follow. He said that Beetlejuice tells a better story. He said he has to have people saying ''what?'' to him all day long. Howard asked Robin if she was doing that when she went on the date with him. Robin said they had someone with them so he was like an interpreter. Robin said he sort of understood what Dennis was saying. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said Beth left him for the weekend. He said that he's miserable because of that. He said he gets very dark when she goes away. He said she went to California and there was a story in the paper about a cat that was abused. He said that it wandered into this guy's apartment and he threw it in the freezer in front of his kids. He said the guy thought it was funny. He said he read this article quickly and he hopes he has it right. He said then he took the cat and threw it out the window. Howard said he asked if the guy went to jail. He doesn't have the whole story but the notion is that people are horrible to animals. He said that Beth went out there to get the cat and get it a great home.
Howard said Beth went out to get the cat and visit a friend. He said Jimmy Kimmel's wife Molly was having a birthday party too so she went out there for that too. He said Beth asked if he wanted to go and he said no way. He said that time change would fuck him up. He said he can't get home on Sunday night and work the next morning.
Howard said Beth left on Friday morning and he got that Shingles vaccine on Friday. He said that wiped him out for the weekend. He said Beth left and got the cat. Howard said they say he got the story right. He said the cat is going to need surgery. He said that Beth flew back with the cat yesterday. He said the cat was so good. He said that she was on the plane and the cat was quiet and friendly. Robin asked what is wrong with people. She said the cat wasn't bothering anyone. Howard said they're going to get the cat better and make it available for adoption.
Howard said Beth went away and he'd kind of like to go to a party with Jimmy. He said not really though. He said he would be doing the math about the time out there. He said he'd have to go home. He said Beth had a good time out there.
Robin asked where this guy is from. He was from Oklahoma. Robin said that she knows people who had a pot luck wedding and didn't even get dressed up. Howard said Jason took out a $15,000 loan and it took years to pay off. Howard said that's not what you want to do. Robin said if you spend money on yourselves you should spend it on a house or something. Howard said it can be a reasonable thing. He said it's over in a day. The caller said that's what he's thinking. Robin said this guy has already had one but the woman hasn't. Robin said that she deserves a wedding. Howard said they can have one but don't spend a lot on it.
Howard said he went to Gary's wedding and the videographer used him in an ad. He said he's had it with weddings so he won't go anymore. Howard said he shows up at a wedding and then he's shooting a commercial.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was calling because he heard that Steve Dahl is doing a benefit for this cat and for Bob Levy. Howard cut the guy off and called the guy a fucking retard. Howard said they get constant fucking trolls.
Howard said he gets attacked day and night. He said they mention names that will upset him. Howard said it doesn't upset him, it's just stupid.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's not sure who is funnier, Sal's dad or the Angry Political Guy. He said that they're both great. Howard asked what he can do for him. The caller said he is convinced that Ronnie is bisexual. Howard said he has discussed that with Ronnie. He said he asked him to talk about this. He said he had a plastic penis in his asshole. He said it seems very gay to him but Ronnie doesn't agree.
Howard said they have Ronnie reviewing sex toys. He said that they had him check out this Vibro-Ring. He said they did a funny thing where they told Ronnie to fuck a male sex doll. He said Ronnie said no fucking way. He said he's freaked out thinking everyone think's he's gay now. Howard said that there's no difference between a male sex doll and a fake cock. He said it's fake. Howard had some audio of Sal asking Ronnie to fuck the doll. Ronnie said he'd think about it. Howard said he went from no to ''I'll think about it'' pretty quick.
Howard said they ordered the doll and Sal showed it to Ronnie and Ronnie didn't seem to mind that it was male. He was more upset that it was a Justin Bieber doll. Howard played the audio of Sal talking to Ronnie about that.
Howard had some audio of Ronnie talking about not sucking the doll's cock. He said that he will fuck it but not suck the cock. Ronnie said he would fuck the Justin Bieber doll but not suck the cock.
Howard said in the final clip he said he won't fuck the doll. He said they tried to blackmail him saying that they won't play any other sex toy reviews until he does it. Ronnie said that's fucking gay and he's not going to do it.
Howard said he thinks Ronnie is upset that people think he's gay. Ronnie came in and said that's not it. He said they had this box with Justin Bieber on it. He said he will not even blow it up. He said he has it at his house. He said the box is the size of a book. He said he's not sure how it's going to get that big. He said it's a studio thing. Howard said he fucked a sex doll with him at K-Rock. Ronnie said it was a chick. He said this is a balloon. Howard said he's fucked fake pussies. Ronnie said not a blow up doll. Howard said this thing could be the same as the Real Doll. Ronnie said he's not going to do it. He said it's not the same thing.
Howard said Ronnie isn't going to fuck the doll then. Ronnie said no. He said he's not sensitive about the gay thing either. He said that he's not going to fuck this doll though. Howard said he thinks he took a lot of shit about the dildo and he's afraid to do it. Ronnie said it's not that. He said he's not fucking this blow up doll.
Howard said Ronnie loves air time. He said he feels like he's letting down America by not fucking the doll. Ronnie didn't seem to care.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that mutual ass play isn't gay. He said that girls like it in the ass so it's not gay. Howard said it shows you're open to a lot of things. He said think what you want. He said he's not going to argue about it. Robin said the woman had a strap on. Ronnie said it was a chick. He said they wound up fucking after. He said he doesn't get where Robin is coming from. Howard said he doesn't want to get into this again. He said he's done with it.
Howard said this is a silly conversation. He said Ronnie reviewed a sex toy called the Vibro-Ring. He said listen to this review. He played the clip and Ronnie talked about this Vibro-Ring and explained what it is. It's a cock ring and on it there's a vibrating tongue that works on the woman's clit. He said that way you get the full vibration on both of you. It also has a mini vibrator that you can put on your taint and balls or in your asshole. He gave it a score of 5 cock rings out of 5. Ronnie said Sal edited that together to make it sound like he didn't know what he was talking about.
Howard played a song parody that Ronnie performed where he sang about getting stuff in his ass. Howard let that play for a couple of minutes. Howard said that's a Broadway show he wants to see.
Howard said he heard it's tough working with Ronnie on songs. Ronnie said he's not sure why that is. Howard had the producer of the song (Chris Wilding) come in. Chris came in and said that the first day he walked in he was a monster. He said that he's a total star. He said he was never meant to be a limo driver. Chris said that Ronnie came in saying they have to know how he works. He said that you have to sing everything for him and he will parrot it. Howard asked why he won't listen to the music. Ronnie said he has tried it the way he wants him to and it doesn't come out as good. He said he does it line by line. Chris said that he is tough to work with. He said he will only record on Tuesdays and he's a diva. Chris said he has worked with theater people for years so he knows how to work. He said Ronnie is tough to work with.
Howard asked if there's sexual tension there. Chris said there might be. He said Ronnie is always commenting on his ass. Ronnie laughed. He said he busts his balls all the time. Chris said that he once thrusted himself into his ass. Ronnie said he was just joking around. Howard said Ronnie has fantasies about this. Chris said he thinks that he has gay tendencies. Ronnie said no. Chris said that Ronnie has gone further than him.
Howard said when he gets drunk he thinks about dudes. He said Ronnie wants it. Ronnie said yeah right.
Chris asked if he would let him fuck him in the ass once the video portion of the show starts. Ronnie said no way. Chris said Ronnie likes to ask him about this sex life in the hall. He said he saw a hickey on his neck and he asked about that. Chris said he's single and having fun. Ronnie said he showed him the hickey and a bite mark on his chest. He said he didn't ask to see it. Chris said he wanted to see it. Ronnie said that was on a different day. Howard asked if Chris thinks he could have gotten him when he was drunk. Chris said that there are a few guys there who act weird around him when they get drunk.
Chris said that he fucks guys in the ass but he doesn't get fucked in the ass so Ronnie has gone further than him. Howard asked if Chris has fucked guys in the ass. Chris said he just did it on Saturday. He said he's recently single and he met a guy who is a doctor. He said they were in the kitchen and they tried things a few times and he's been having trouble getting it up. He said they did it in the kitchen and the guy came all over his kitchen floor. He said he was taking the guy from behind and the guy was handling himself. Ronnie said he can't wait for him to cum all over his floor. Howard said he has tried it. Ronnie said it was a girl with a strap on. He said it wasn't a guy's dick.
Chris said he bought a asshole on Amazon and he tried it before he did it with the guy. He said it was very effective. Ronnie said he'll give him the sex doll to try then. Howard asked if Ronnie is going to thrust into him again this year at the Christmas party. Ronnie said he was just goofing around.
Howard asked if Ronnie was chubbed up when he did it. Chris said he'd have to ask his ex because that's who he rubbed up against.
Gary said that the guys are making the point that there were a lot go gay guys at the party but Chris is the only one he was rubbing against. Howard said it was actually his ex. Chris said just wait until he meets this doctor he's seeing.
Ronnie said he's never doing anything for Chris again. Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he may have to go to H.R. again. He said they're never going to get through to him. He said he thinks that any time a chick is involve he'd do gay stuff. He said if Stephanie was there maybe he'd fuck that doll. Ronnie said no. Robin said stop it Ronnie. Ronnie said it's different when a girl is involved. Ralph asked if he came on the floor. Ronnie said no. Howard said he has to let his freak flag fly. Howard said Ronnie is so sexed up at 70 and he has to give hope to people. He said just do your thing and don't let anyone shame him. He said don't comment on Chris' ass. Chris said he consents to it. He said he's fine with it.
Howard had Ronnie and Chris doing a ''Call Me By Your Name'' thing. Chris said he'd love to know what it's like to kiss a 68 year old man. He said his doctor is 28. Howard said he's a 28 year old fucking a 29 year old. Ralph said he's jealous. Ronnie said okay, he's jealous.
Chris said that he was doing a blow job thing in the air last week. He said that he was doing that in the hall. Ronnie said he's such an asshole. He said he was just joking around about the blow job he told him about. He said he was just doing this thing to show what it looked like. Chris said he did it like 10 times though.
Ralph said things are weird with straight guys around gay guys. Howard said he's right. He said they're very interested in what goes on. He said they try to prove they're not uptight. Ronnie said he doesn't get into details with the guy. He said he was just joking around about the whole thing.
Howard said the head of the company is on the phone. He took a call from fake Jim Meyer who said he wants these two to fuck when they launch Howard 360. He said he wants Ronnie's cum on the floor. He said he wants them to wrestle in their own jizz. Howard said he'll make that happen. Howard said that wasn't actually Jim.
Chris asked if Ronnie has ever tasted his own jizz. Ronnie said maybe he has a little. He said he has gone down on a chick after finishing. Howard said he just threw up.
Howard took a call from a woman who told Stephanie to run. Howard asked when Ronnie is getting married. Ronnie said they don't have a date yet. He said he thinks Stephanie is getting cold feet and getting ready to leave.
Chris asked if it was salty or bitter. Ronnie said he doesn't remember. Howard played a song parody that Ronnie sang about himself.
Howard said that was a beautiful job. Chris said it only took them 3 days. Howard said he made a good point about him singing karaoke. Ronnie said he's drunk when he does that. Howard said if he just sang it through he'd make it so much easier. Chris said they have to make the font huge so he can read the lyrics too. Ronnie said don't ask him to do it anymore.
Ronnie said he had to get hypnotized on Thursday. He said he has so much stress and anxiety. Howard asked when this started happening. Ronnie said he gets anxiety. He said he went to his shrink and he did the greatest thing for him on Thursday. Howard asked where he finds these shrinks. Ronnie asked why. Howard said just tell the story. Ronnie said he has anxiety and he's not sure why. He said if he has a stressful situation he gets anxious. He said sometimes he gets jittery. He said it's like he drank a lot of coffee. He said he did this thing with him where they talked about a lot of shit and he could be put on medication but he did this hypnosis thing. He said it wasn't like the Scott Schmaren thing but it was great. He said his shrink had him thinking about a nice place he went on vacation and had him seeing a guy surfing and it's very relaxing. Ronnie said he was put under a little bit. He was getting into the details and Howard said he's bored. He said that's enough. Ronnie was still explaining what he was going though.
Chris said that they had a guy in their family who was going trough the same kind of thing as Ronnie and he eventually came out of the closet. Ronnie said stop it with that.
Howard said that's enough of Ronnie. He thanked him for the sex tip review. He said he gave that 5 cock rings in his review. He said Ronnie has to stop flirting with people back there. He said even if it's joking around. He said stop with the blow jobs and ass stuff. He said don't rub your ass into guy's asses. Ronnie said thanks Chris. He said he learned he can't joke around with him. He said he's not joking with him anymore. He said he's being a total fucking asshole. He told him to go file a complaint. Howard said stop with Chris. He said Chris isn't complaining. He said use this as an example. He said he has to stop this behavior around everyone, men and women. He said he has to control himself.
Howard said Ronnie is like Ronnie Spacey. He said he has told him to stop with this out there in the hall. He said he's trying to coach him about how to act out there. He said this is a business. Ronnie said yeah, this is like a professional business. Howard said he's the one who minds this stuff, not Chris. Ronnie said he's done with Chris. Howard said he always tells him to just stand in the hall and don't comment on anyone. He said just ignore it all. He said pretend you're mute and you can't talk. He said he knows he can't do that though. Ronnie said that's right. Howard said someone is going to take offense to this.
Howard asked if he'll be able to control himself out there. Ronnie said he'll be fine. Howard told him to think through things out there. Chris asked if they're good. Ronnie said they're not good. Chris asked if he's going to do the silent treatment thing with him. Ronnie said he's not. He said he doesn't do that. Chris said he does it with people there all the time.
Howard asked how many times they've had this discussion. Ronnie said too many. He said he doesn't have a problem with this.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie starts in the vagina firs and then goes in the ass with Stephanie. Ronnie said it's not his business. The caller said if he does that then you know what that means. No one knew what that means.
Howard wrapped up and gave a review of what Ronnie gave the Vibro-Ring and all of that. Chris asked why he won't kiss him. Howard played a song parody that Ronnie did about ''wet cunt'' and said he thinks Ronnie is playing hard to get.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has these conversations with Ronnie every few months and he just has to let it go. He said this is who Ronnie is. Howard said he's just trying to help the guy and coach him about how to act in the workplace. Howard said he loves them both. He thanked Chris and Ronnie for coming in. He said Chris is a great guy. He said Ronnie used to be a truck driver and a limo driver so he's never known how to act in a work place like this. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard said if you're a marksman then join the military. He said there's no skill level in killing an elephant. He said even killing a deer is easy. He said they freeze when they see you. He said anyone with limited skill could kill a deer. He said an elephant is even easier.
Howard said the elephants are running out of space on this planet. He said that White Rhinos are losing out too. He said they are going extinct. Howard said he isn't a hypocrite so if you have to kill something to eat then do it. He said this elephant thing makes no sense to him though.
Robin said that she thought the ban was in place before Trump got in office. Howard read a tweet about how upset a woman was about this ban being lifted. Howard said that upset him when he read it.
Howard said Apple built this place that looks like a spaceship and now they say people are walking into the glass walls and going to the hospital because of it. Howard said they say people are calling 911 a lot from Apple Park because of this. Howard read some 911 call quotes in an article. They had people injured walking into the glass walls. Howard said that's one of many. He said there are at least two there.
Robin said you'd think if you worked there you'd know. Howard said there are so many transcripts there. He said there's a lot going on over there at Apple.
Howard said in the email David Spade got a lot of comments. Howard read some of the email and a lot of people loved when he was on. He read some email about Memet and there were people on both sides of that whole thing.
Howard said that Lisa Loeb blocked Memet and that's the greatest thing ever. Howard said he forgot how that went. Howard asked why Memet blocked her. Gary said Memet blocked her when she liked something negative about him.
Howard took a call from the PR department at Apple. The guys in the back called in and said everything is fine and then the guy walks into a pane of glass and it smashed.
Howard said people wrote in about Richard's gout that he talked about last week. Howard asked if it's shocking to people that he continues to be gross. Howard read some of the email about his gout. Howard said that someone wrote that Fred's impression of Richard is so good they can't tell the difference. Fred did some of that impression for Howard.
Howard said someone wrote in telling Richard to keep drinking and keep eating meat. Howard said they say that he could get kidney stones from eating and drinking the way he does.
Howard said he should calm down with all of the meat he eats. Fred did his Richard voice and talked about all of the meat he eats.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard him talking about the trophy hunting and the way he looks at it is that if you can shoot one elephant it can save 20 because the money goes to the people over there. He said that the meat also goes to the locals over there. Robin said how about using that money to save the 21 elephants. Howard said it's so fucking easy to kill an elephant. He said you could stand there and stab the thing. He said it's not a challenge. He said most of these fuck heads who do it aren't even that skilled. He said he's not buying it.
Howard said these assholes act like they did something but they didn't. He said it's just too easy. He said that's just his feeling. Robin said he often says that if you can eat and drink, it ain't a sport. Howard said he's so profound. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said it's just very odd. He said in today's world you think they have a great interview and it's lifted from a show. Howard said they get 5,000 articles linking to them and no one is going to see that now. He said come on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he recently quit his job in a funeral home and he's just bumming around. He said he's heading across country looking for a new job. He said Howard has helped him with some tough times. Howard asked about what kind of job he's looking for. The guy said he was working in a great place but the industry was crazy. He asked if they're hiring. Howard said he's not sure what his game plan is in life. Howard said his wife could get a job as a nurse. He said he's not sure how he quits his job though. He said he should get another one and then quit. The caller said it is scary as hell. He said he's not sure what he's going to do. Howard said this is mental. The caller said there are people in the same situation. Howard said he has no problem with career changes but you have to have a plan. He said his wife is going to get a job. He said maybe all of them should have a career change. He said no one is fond of what they're doing.
The caller asked if he has his plans in place for a funeral. Howard said no. The caller kept cutting him off so Howard hung up on him. Howard said people have no plan. He said you have to plan these things. He said you can't just drive around. Robin said you do have to have a plan. She said he's going to find it on the road. Howard said no one is uptight anymore. He said he's the only one.
Robin said she actually changed careers. She said she had better have had a plan. She said she had limited time to figure it out. Howard said he's not talking about Robin. He said he's talking about this guy David. He said he has no plan in life but can you hire him? He said he's hiring if you have something on the ball. Howard said he had a game to play but they'll have to do that tomorrow. He said he had a miserable weekend so he's not in a good mood today. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Gwyneth Paltrow getting some crap for not giving good advice to women about urological health. Robin said that they're female urologists who are talking about this advice. Robin said they also asked Gwyneth Paltrow about growing up Jewish and how they thought that they were kind of shy about talking about sex but she claims that ''Be fruitful and multiply'' is a Jewish saying and you're supposed to have sex every Friday to celebrate the Sabbath.
Howard said he's not sure why The Sun isn't writing that they wrote that article based on his interview. Robin said no one is going to pick up that story.
Robin read a story about 16 people being killed by lightning at a church in Rwanda. Howard said see, how do they explain that? He said they always have an explanation though. Robin said this was after the government closed a bunch of churches over there and many of them were closed for not having lightning rods. Howard said getting hit by lightning isn't so bad compared to some things that go on in Rwanda.
Robin read a story about Katy Perry being in a lawsuit with some nuns. She was trying to buy a convent she liked. The nuns found out and didn't want her to have it so they were suing her over it. Robin said one of the nuns was in court about the lawsuit and she died. Howard said ''See!?'' He said if he was Katy Perry and he was looking for a house and a bunch of nuns said they didn't want her to have it, he'd say ''fuck it'' and leave. He said there are other homes out there for her to buy. Howard read that this has been going on for 3 years. He said that she's fighting nuns over this property. He said if someone doesn't want to sell their home to you then don't get involved. Robin said they have to get the approval from the Vatican in the end. Gary said the nuns haven't lived there since 2011 and there are only 2 left now. Howard said he's not sure why she's going to this extent to get it. Robin said she liked the way it was built. Gary said they had to pay Katy $1.7 million in legal fees. Howard said he's had people try to deny him from buying a home. He said he was going to take it to court but his mother got to him. He did his mother's voice talking about how if they don't want you then you don't want them. He said she was making a point. He said he said ''fuck 'em'' and let someone else buy this shit.
Robin said that they think of Katy Perry as a sinner but if they turn that place into a hotel there are going to be a lot of sinners in there. Howard said he was trying to buy a house and offered the asking price but then they gave it to someone else. He said that the lawyer made his decision on his own. He said he was offering more than the other buyer but the lawyer made that decision. He said people get a bug up their ass. He said he's seen it all. He said there are so many fucking morons and yentas out there.
Robin said more people are likely to have a heart attack today. She said that's what a study says about daylight saving time. Howard said he's not sure why we do that. Robin said it's something Benjamin Franklin suggested. Howard said they should just leave it. He said they say they do it for farmers but how many farmers are left? He said just get up early and do the job. Robin said Arizona and Hawaii are the only states that don't observe the time change. Howard said that's where all of the farms are. He said these days you can do things rapidly with machines so he's not sure why they do it. He said they don't need to do it. Robin said just incorporate it all year long. Howard said he's all out of sorts today. He said he's angry. He said Robin may have hit on something. He said he's irritated and irritable.
Robin read about how the OJ Simpson interview that was on last night has upset a lot of people. Robin read about what the show was about and how it was recorded in 2006. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Vladimir Putin talking about how the Jews were behind the 2016 election meddling. Howard said it never ends. He said this guy is a fucking thug. He said him and Kim Jong Un. He said imagine you have a President for life and you're stuck with someone like that. He said that this fuck face Putin is such a monster. He said that he's not sure how this all went backwards. He said this mother fucker says he doesn't know about interference and then blames the Jews. Howard said god bless the Jews and the secret hits the Mossad do on mother fuckers. He said they have to take care of that kind of stuff or they'll be killed off. Howard said Putin had better watch what he says. He said the guy is a monster and he's not sure why Donald and other people are talking about what a great guy he is.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked everyone here if they think that if from 1994 to now if people would be mad if Nicole and Ron were black. Howard said yes they would. He said OJ was a well known and successful celebrity. He said that he was so beloved and it turns out he was so evil. He said that someone who has the best turns into that then people get upset. He said he was accepted by white America and black. He said that it's crazy what he did. Robin said she's giving more credit to people. She said the fact that they were white is what triggered so much interest in the whole trial. King said Howard is white so he doesn't understand. Howard said if Tom Brady murdered someone today it would be huge. King said there is so much anger toward OJ though. Howard said the story would still be intriguing for years. Howard said he's obsessed with Oscar Pistorius. Robin said it's not the same thing as OJ. Howard said he has to get out of this. He let King go and said that he can't hang up on Robin.
Robin read a story about how the people on the set of Stranger Things are subject to abuse. Howard said she has to be kidding. Robin said someone on the set of the show claim that there is abuse of women on the set. Robin said that the Duffer Brothers are apologizing for this and saying sometimes tempers flare and they're into equality for all on the set. That led to Howard doing his Millie Bobby Brown's agent character for a short time.
Howard asked if Robin saw that Millie Bobby Brown was on a billboard with Paris Jackson and some other high profile girl. Fred said it was Lulu Tenney. Howard said that's her. He said that he's not sure what she's up to but he hopes she's not getting into trouble. Robin said you have to be careful out there. Howard did more of his agent character talking about Millie. He kept that up for a while.
Robin read a story about Bono from U2 apologizing for some alleged abuse at his charity. Robin said they say that there may have been some bullying and things going on there. Robin said that Bono says he was reeling and furious over it when he found out. Robin said he can't stand bullying and wants to apologize to the people in person. Howard said that's like Ronnie doing sex toy reviews and everyone asking him to fuck a male blow up doll. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Lisa Bonet talking about how she didn't know about this Bill Cosby stuff when she was on his show. Robin said she says that she looks back on her time on the series fondly. Bonet does say she felt some kind of darkness from Cosby though. Howard said he agrees with her on that.
Robin read a story about Stormy Daniels taking the president to court over the Non Disclosure report. Howard said he thinks she took 130,000 to stay quiet. He said now she doesn't want to keep quiet. Robin said she says there are so many stories being told that she can't respond to them so she wants to set the record straight. Robin said she's saying that the president didn't sign the agreement. Howard said he's been trying to keep Fred quiet over something that happened in his room. He said he seduced him. He said he's trying to break that agreement. Robin said Stormy also sat down with 60 Minutes and Trump's lawyers are trying to stop that. Robin said they might get peace with North Korea because there's so much pressure over this. Howard said it's pretty obvious that Donald fucked Stormy. He said he's not sure why anyone cares if she talks. He said we all know he did it now. Robin said now he's going to North Korea to talk to Kim Jong Un.
Robin read a story about the president being at a rally of big supporters. He was mocking people for saying he should be more presidential. Robin had some audio of him goofing around about what that should sound like.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks Stormy has a videotape or something. Howard said he thinks it would have come out already. He said if she does have a video she's an idiot for selling out for 130,000.
Robin had some audio of Trump talking about going to visit Kim Jong Un at this rally. Trump said this stuff should have been handled over the last 30 years and not now. Robin said he also used some questionable language while he was out there. Robin had a clip of Trump talking about being on Meet the Press in 1999 and calling Chuck Todd ''Sleepy eyed Chuck Todd.'' Howard said he thinks Chuck Todd is really good. Robin said Trump calls him sleepy eyed. Howard said that's what they call Gary.
Robin read a story about Elon Musk talking about how we have to colonize Mars to protect our species in case there is World War III. Howard said if you live there you have to live in a bubble. He said if it cracks you're fucked. He said we all saw Total Recall. He said that Arnold's head almost exploded when he went outside.
Robin said American Idol is back. She said it debuted last night. Robin said they say that Katy Perry is wonderful on the show. Howard asked who is saying that. Robin said the critics are saying that. She said that not much has changed on the show other than the faces. Howard said he feels bad for Eric the Actor since he loved that show. Robin had some clips from last night's show.
Robin read a story about the Scientology network launching on DirecTV and some other services today. Robin had some details about the new network and what they're going to have on the network. Howard was doing a Ryan Seacrest impression as if he were acting perverted on American Idol.
Robin read a story about Tim McGraw collapsing on stage in Ireland. Robin said he's expected to be okay. Robin said he fell to his knees after finishing a song. Robin had some audio of the song he was ending when he collapsed. Howard said he blames daylight saving time. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was sluggish this morning but this Dunkin' Donuts he has is a Girl Scout cup. He said he has the regular coffee. He said on the back of the cup it says Girl Scouts.
Howard asked how Fred is. Fred said he's doing great. Howard said today they're supposed to get to the Benjy tribute. He said they'll see if they can do it. Robin said she thought it was dead. Howard said it's like The Walking Dead. He said it's things that die but somehow live. He said he still likes The Walking Dead. Robin said he says that like there's a problem. Howard said the ratings are down and he's not sure why people are giving up on it. Robin said the season has given her a sense of foreboding.
Howard said he is watching season 2 of Jessica Jones. He said Krysten Ritter is really hot. He said she's sexual like you'd never believe. He said he'd like to see her naked with a dark bush like she has on her head. He said she's very attractive and desirable. He said you want to see her nude. Robin said that never occurred to her. Howard said you never see that. He said he's going to watch that whole season but it's difficult to get through. He said she barely uses her powers. He said the most she uses them is once per show. He said for some reason there's a lock and a chain and she breaks them. He said that's what she does. He said he wants to see her punch shit and kill people. He said he's on episode 6 and she's broken like 5 or 6 locks. He said this is a super hero thing so she should be using those powers.
Howard said he dreams about his coffee. He said he has that with his yogurt. He said he loves his Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Robin said he's like a bachelor candidate talking to his coffee. Howard was doing his Vinnie Favale impression talking to his coffee. Fred played some audio of Vinnie's love tape.
Howard said he should have played that for Colbert when he was in. He said he probably never heard that from his network guy. Fred played more of the Vinnie love tapes for Howard. Howard said that's enough of that.
Howard said that they're going to give Natalie what she wants. Howard asked the guys to put up the Hello Dolly thing on his page. He started playing it but it wasn't coming out over the air. It was in cue so it wasn't coming out. Howard figured that out and had to start it over. Howard asked if they heard dead air. Robin said she could hear something in the far background. Howard said they're not that professional. He said it's the new equipment.
Howard said here's ''Hello Ronnie.'' He played the song and we heard it this time. They had Ronnie singing the song parody about himself to the tune of ''Hello Dolly.'' After playing the whole song Howard said he hopes he wasn't the only one hearing that. Robin said the music was beautiful.
Howard said Chris was saying that Ronnie has to be fed the lyrics line by line. He said this is Chris recording the songs with Ronnie. In the clip Ronnie kept screwing up the lines. He was giving Chris a hard time when he'd give him the lines and then he's screw them up.
Howard said this goes on and on. Robin said she wants more. Howard played more of Ronnie screwing up the lines to another song parody. Chris would sing them to Ronnie and Ronnie would try repeating them.
Howard said magic is always made from those sessions. He said forget the fact that it takes 3 weeks. He said they say the White album was easier to record than Ronnie. He played another song parody that Ronnie did about how he likes wet cunt.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon's driver takes hours to get his songs right too. He said he's not the only driver.
Howard said Chris describes it like teaching a dog to sing. He said they do get those songs out of Ronnie though. He said now Ronnie is keeping his distance from Chris and he's giving him the cold shoulder. Howard said Ronnie goes from one extreme to the other. He said if he can't rub his cock on his asshole he can't say a word to him.
Ronnie came in and said that they were talking. He said they were messing around. Howard said they can't break up that team because those song parodies are greet. Ronnie said he did one yesterday with one of the other dudes. He said he works with everyone there. He said he works with a few producers.
Howard said yesterday was fun. He said he got so many emails about if Ronnie is gay or not. Ronnie said everyone told him how great things were. Howard said he got a lot of email about it. He said he has to keep teaming up with Chris.
Howard said this new song is called ''Cock in my Ass.'' He played the parody which was to the tune of ''R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.'' Howard said he likes Chris and Ronnie as a team. Ronnie said he loves staring into those beady eyes of his.
Howard said Chris got a lot of feedback too. He read that and a lot of people want more Chris on the air.
Howard said someone was asking about what happened down in Daytona with Shuli and Scott. Ronnie said wait until you hear that. He said Shuli has a lot of stuff. Gary said they have 4 days worth of audio. Howard said he's looking Howard to that.
Howard read more email about Ronnie and Chris. He said someone said they don't want Ronnie to listen to him and just keep doing his thing. Howard said he should listen to him though. Ronnie said he got a lot of messages on Twitter and he was spending a lot of time answering people. He said he had at least 75 Direct Messages to answer. He said he loves his fans. Howard said that's how the Kardashians built up their popularity.
Howard said some guy is claiming that his 3 year old son is acting like Ronnie. He said he's not sure if he believes this. Fred said he thinks it could be true. Howard said this guy's son wanted to pee outside and he said that his ''ass chreeks'' were cold when he was doing it. He said this guy claims that the kid is like Ronnie.
Howard said he should play Ronnie's new tips. He said he didn't know that when you take it in the ass they call it pegging. Ronnie said he did it one time. Howard said it's one time they know about. Ronnie said that he'd tell him if it was more.
Howard said he almost threw up listening to this tip. He said Ronnie was giving pegging tips. He said put down your breakfast now. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about how to lube up. In the clip Ronnie said the best way to get pegged is with natural juices. He said the chick sticks her finger in her pussy and uses those juices as lube. Howard said he just threw up his blueberries.
Howard said Ronnie stares at Robin when he's playing that. Ronnie said it was more Fred. He said he was watching Fred out in the hall and he was singing along to the song parodies. Howard said Ronnie is the president of the Ronnie fan Club and Fred is Vice President.
Howard asked Ronnie about the ass juices that he was talking about. He said he gets lubed up back there. Ronnie said he doesn't but he's seen people who have. He said it's in porn movies. He said the guys have natural juices there. He said women can cum through their ass too so they have juices back there. Howard said they're using lube. Ronnie said they have juice coming out in the porn.
Howard said Robin did say she has natural juices back there. Howard said that's just pussy juice leaking back there. Robin said that her ass just got moist. Ronnie said he rests his case. Howard said he thinks they're both insane. He said they both have to wipe better, that's what he thinks.
Howard said there's no such thing as ass juice. He said he doesn't doubt that Ronnie has ass juice back there but what the fuck was in Robin's asshole. Howard said Ronnie is dripping right now. Robin asked what Ronnie was talking about when he said he didn't cum in his ass. Fred said someone else did. Ronnie said they say that guys can cum from that. Howard said women maybe but not men.
Howard asked Ronnie about the juices and what he was talking about. Ronnie said he dipped into the chick's juices and used that for his asshole. Howard asked if he thinks the pussy is the god of asshole juice. Ronnie said once you get it in your asshole it kind of dries up. Howard said it's like his hair gel. Ronnie said you have to use a little bit of both. Howard said how about flinging it into your asshole. Fred said how about a dessert spoon. Howard laughed.
Howard said it was like Ronnie's ass was like a science project. He and Fred were doing their impressions of Ronnie. Howard said how about using a turkey baster to get the juices out. Ronnie said that's not a turn on. Howard said it stops all of the fun. Ronnie said he still wants to know what's coming out of Robin's ass. Robin said she wasn't back there. Ronnie asked if the guy had to do anything to get in there. Robin said no. Howard said the guy bent her over and stuck it in there.
Howard said if anyone can figure this out Ronnie can do it. Ronnie said she must have came out of her pussy so much that it dripped back there. Robin said she was standing up bent over so gravity doesn't work that way. Ronnie said then she blew a load in her ass. Howard said Robin was so turned on by this guy that she got so moist that the juices worked their way up to her asshole.
Howard said he had a great experience with a woman once. He said he was inside her and doing their thing. He said she just took his penis out of her and shoved it in her ass. He said there was no lube. Ronnie said he was still wet from her pussy. Howard said he was wearing a rubber too. He said that it went right in there. Ronnie said that's a good girl. He said you don't need anything else.
Howard said they're talking about ass juice and pussy juice and all of that. He said this girl he was talking about was fantastic. Howard said with Robin the guy fucked her in the ass first. Robin said there was a lot of foreplay. Ronnie asked what kind. Robin said it was not eating out. She said it was everything was a turn on. She said there was a lot of fondling, fingering and necking and all of that. Howard said now they get it. He said he fingered her and pussy juice ended up in her asshole. Ronnie said there was probably fingering going on and she didn't even know what was going on. Howard said she was very young and naive. He said that they got to the bottom of it finally. Ronnie said he finally got it out of her after 32 years.
Howard asked if the guys wanted to hear another pegging tip. Robin said she's not sure they can take it. Ronnie said she can take it obviously. Howard said he's not sure he can take it. Howard said god knows where those fingers were with that guy. Ronnie said he was fingering her like a bowling ball. Howard said he dares his audience not to vomit. He said Ronnie's super power is ass juice. Ronnie said he likes that Jessica Jones and that black guy hook up. Howard said she's hot. Ronnie said her friend is cool too. The blonde chick. Howard said he's very caught up in all of that. He said it's Trish and Krysten Ritter.
Ronnie said you have to watch 7 Seconds too. He said it's kind of like The Shield. Howard said he should watch that. He said he might like that. Ronnie said it's on Netflix.
Howard said he's going to play the second pegging tip from Ronnie. Ronnie said this is for Natalie Maines. Howard asked if he would let her peg him. Ronnie said he might. Howard said she's such a fan she might do it. Howard said he thinks Sarah Silverman would do it too. He said they could double team Ronnie with that. Howard asked if he'd rather have Natalie or Sarah. Ronnie said he likes Sarah and Natalie. Howard said he's sure he could get Carol Leifer in there too. He asked if he'd let Natalie do it. Ronnie said he'd have to get permission but he might do it. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie talking about his ass juices and stuff.
Howard said he could get a celebrity pegging thing going on Howard 360. He said that they might be able to get Natalie into that. The guys were all doing their Ronnie impressions talking about that.
Ronnie said he thinks that Sarah would be great in bed. Howard said he can't see it. Ronnie said he thinks she would be. Robin asked if Ronnie would get on his back and lift his legs way up to get it in the ass. Ronnie said there's no difference. Howard said that way he can play with the girl's titties. Howard said he can get Brian Dunkelman to do the show.
Howard took a call from fake Natalie Maines who was puking. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He said it would be funny if she threw up in Ronnie's ass. He said that could be the natural lube.
Howard played the second pegging tip. Ronnie talked about cleaning your ass out and not doing the pegging thing when you have hemorrhoids. He said the veinier the dildo the better too. Robin asked what the tip is there. Howard said it's to take a shit before getting it in the ass.
Howard said Ronnie's sexy voice is frightening. He said it's like what you'd hear a Manson family member say. He said it's really creepy. He did his impression of that for a short time.
Howard played yet another pegging tip from Ronnie. In that one he talked about the position you want to be in on the bed. He said that you take it on the corner of the bed. He said it's easier for the girl to get in because you can spread out more there.
Howard said wow to that one. He said Natalie Maines just hung herself after that. He said there you have it with Ronnie's recording sessions and pegging tips.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that yesterday's show was great with Ronnie and Chris. Howard asked Chris if Ronnie has been avoiding him. Chris came in and said he is giving him the cold shoulder. He said Ronnie wouldn't look at him. He said he was looking at a wall and tapping a spoon. He said he was asking people if they were sensitive too or could he comment on their ass. He said he was talking to the guy who sits next to him and he said he's not sure how he can sit next to that asshole over there. Robin said things got worse out there.
Chris has notes on Ronnie. He said he has a whole dossier on him. He said the fact that he wants him to give line readings is so insulting to him. Howard said that's what they do with Beetlejuice. Ronnie said the songs come out good. He said Rich is the one who puts it all together. He said he's the engineer.
Chris said they have singers who do the backing and it's tough to cut it all together. Howard said they do the songs like that with Gary the Conqueror and Wendy the Slow Adult. Ronnie said it just comes out better when he does it that way.
Howard played one of the songs Ronnie sang for Chris in one of his recording sessions. Howard let that whole song play through.
Howard said it's like each word is recorded individually. He said it would be better if he just sang it. He said just try it. Ronnie said he did try it. He said he has issues with it. Chris said he has big issues. He said he hopes they can do another song with him. He said he has tap dancing and you hear him getting pegged. Howard said he'd love to have them handcuffed together for a day.
Howard asked what he thought about his thesis on ass juice and pussy juice. Chris said he was with a guy last week who had the most naturally lubricated asshole he's ever seen. He said he was eating it a little bit. Ronnie let out an ''OH!'' when he heard that. Howard said he thought he was fucking a doctor on Saturday. Chris said that's right. He said he's single. He was with the other guy too.
Chris said there was some saliva down there but there was time when it wasn't the saliva so it had to be lubrication down there. He said they were fooling around down there. He said he had a massive penis and nice balls. Ronnie started cracking up. Chris said he's not sure why that's funny. Chris said when he went to finger him... Ronnie laughed again. Robin told him to hold it together. Chris said Ronnie finds it funny because he wants to do it.
Chris said he fingered the guy's ass again and it was natural. Ronnie was cracking up when Chris said he would have tasted shit down there. He said there's a metallic taste to it. Ronnie was cracking up. Chris said this guy had a natural spice to his asshole. Howard said he's saying there is a natural ass juice. Ronnie was still cracking up. Chris said that he thought squirt was phony but he has to reevaluate that after this. Chris said that if Ronnie needs support coming out of the closet at 68 he'll help.
Howard said he liked Chris' boyfriend that he had at the Christmas party. Chris said he thought they had a nice skin tone difference. Howard said they made a nice couple. Ronnie said they were great together. Chris said they were great at a party for an hour.
Howard said he heard Chris dated an Israeli guy who is in the closet. Chris said the guy was sweating and hiding in the shadows at the restaurant. Howard said you know a gay date when you see one. Chris said it was scary because the guy was in the army at one time. He said the guy would only let him blow him. He wasn't able to do anything with his ass or kiss him.
Howard said it's sad that the guy has to hide being gay. Chris said he told him life will get better and then he sucked his dick. He said he was hung. Howard asked if he can handle that. Chris said in his mouth he can. He said he doesn't think in the ass he could.
Howard said Chris told him a story about a guy blowing him and he got gum on his dick. Chris said that was years ago.
Howard took a call from the Israeli guy who he went on the date with. Shuli was on the phone doing the voice of the guy who was talking about cumming on his face. Chris said he knows that's not the real guy because he came in his mouth.
Ronnie asked if he uses rubbers. Chris said that he does but not when he blows or gets blown. He said that he uses it for everything else.
Chris said it's kind of cool because you feel each other up before you get into bed. Howard said he imagines that's what Robin does when she goes on a date. He said he can see Robin doing that. Robin said she doesn't do that kind of thing. She said just on a date she just met someone on she's not. Howard said what about when she's into a guy. Chris said it's fun when you feel a guy up and see how far up you go.
Chris said that you never know who used those dildos that Ronnie uses. Ronnie said it was brand new. Chris asked if Ronnie would use a mould of his cock and get it up his ass. Ronnie said it's not his actual cock. Howard said he's asking a direct question. He asked if he's gay if he takes that fake cock up his ass if it's his cock. Ronnie said no. He said if he says his name during it then it's gay.
Chris said if he needs help coming out he's there for him. Ronnie said he's not gay. Howard said he made him think of a bit. Howard said they all make moulds of their cocks and they all fuck Ronnie in the ass with the moulded cocks and Ronnie tells them which one he likes the best. Ronnie laughed. Howard said Ronnie might fall in love with Fred.
Robin asked if the girl is acting like a guy and telling her to call him Tom or something is that gay. Ronnie didn't answer. Howard was still thinking about the cock mould thing. He was doing his impression of Ronnie talking about getting different cocks in his ass.
Howard said tomorrow is Gary's 57th birthday celebration. He said they had a lot of PGA Baba Booeys recently. He said he has to play those. Howard let the guys go and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he has a friend who has a titanium tipped hiking stick to get around. He said he needs one like that. He said he went home and looked on Amazon. He said he was thinking about getting one. He said the boots are great and he's gripping the carpet good. He said he walks with baby steps when he's out there.
Howard said he got this hiking stick too. He said he's all proud of himself. He said he's feeling good about it and then Beth comes home and he tells her about it. He said she asked if it was a cane. Howard said it's not a cane. He said she doesn't want him using a stick. He said you only use one and it's not a cane. Howard said he has 2 but he only uses one at a time. He said he has it with him in the car just in case. He said he told Ronnie about it and he was giggling. He said everyone giggles. He said he got mad at Beth for getting upset. He said it's for his comfort. He said she's ridiculing him over this stick. He said that's ridiculous.
Howard said he's scared to fall on his ass so he wants that stick. Robin told him to get a walking cane. Howard said he doesn't want a cane. Robin said this stick is ugly. Howard said it's not supposed to look good. He said he told Beth to think about marrying Moses. He said he doesn't care. He said goof on him all you want. He said he'll be fine while everyone else is sliding around.
Howard said he thought about getting the chains you put on your feet when you walk around but Beth called him out on that too. He said she asked if he was going to put them on in front of the door man. Howard said imagine he comes out with that and his shoes and walking stick. He said he wants to move to Florida and be done with this bullshit. He said he loves Florida. He wants to be down there. He said he's in New York under protest.
Howard said he wants to move the show up another hour. He said he hates getting up early. He said he doesn't want to get up early and sit around though.
Howard said this Shingles vaccine has him all fucked up. He said he has to get another one in 6 months. He said he doesn't feel right. He said he feels warm. He asked where his hiking stick is because he's going to pass out.
Howard said yesterday he thought his hair was off so he called Toni to help him out. He said she showed up and took care of him. He said that he feels better now. He asked Robin what she thinks. He said he went to the dentist too. He said he loves going there. He said he takes care of his teeth and the hygienist gives him praise for the works he does. He said that he loves that.
Howard said the hygienist pokes into his gums to see if any blood comes out. He said she doesn't see any and tells him ''Very good!'' He said he's good at this. He said it's his super power. Howard said she wanted to show him something in this area behind his front teeth. He said that he can always use improvement. He said she's always impressed with him though. He said he feels good about this.
Howard said he didn't want to eat anything because he'd ruin it. He said he may not eat until his next cleaning. He said he puts people down while he's sitting there. He said he tell this woman that he has this guy who works for him who is a hill Billy and used a towel to wipe down his teeth. He said he had 12 cavities once. He said he had that wrong and it was actually 22. He said that he's not sure how he ate with that many. Howard said he scared her with pictures of Gary's teeth too.
Robin said she was on the elevator yesterday with a famous actress. She said she said a thing that just clotted her blood. Howard said she must have said her ass self lubricates. Robin said no. She said she admires this woman and she was in a movie she loves. She said she looked at these two people who were with her and asked what they think they should do with her hair tonight. Robin said she was getting everyone involved with her hair.
Gary said the story is that Leslie wanted the band to be renamed Lynrd Skynrd featuring Leslie West. Howard said oh come on. He said he shouldn't have done that. He said maybe they could have made it Lynrd Mountain. Howard said he's not going to mention Leslie West that night and ruin it for Bon Jovi.
Howard said this hall of fame thing is really weighing on him. He said he doesn't want to waste a whole weekend on it. Robin said he acts like he's not going to be living. Howard said that's how he feels.
Howard said Shaun White inducted Bon Jovi into the i Heart Radio hall of fame. Howard said he didn't think about his speech at all. He said he has to be like this guy. He said he's not sweating anything at all. He said he has to do better than this guy. He played a clip of Shaun White inducting Bon Jovi. He mentioned some of the songs the band did and talked about how many great songs they have. Howard said he might just lift this guy's speech. He played more of the speech and Shaun mentioned the hall of fame and introduced the band.
Howard asked why they got him to do that. He said he's not sure why he's spending so much time on his speech. He said that's not him though. He said he can't do that. He said he's going to make a nice normal speech like this guy. Robin said that was not a great speech. Howard said that's what he wants.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked if he watched any of American Idol last night. Howard said he forgot about it. He said ABC has the show now and they have Katy Perry and Lionel Richie on the show. He said they have some country guy on too. He said that's Luke Bryan. He said Ryan Seacrest is still hosting. Howard said every report he saw was raving about how wonderful Katy Perry is. He said he wondered what she's doing that makes her so wonderful. Howard asked if she was amazing. Apples said she looked amazing. He said that's all that matters. He said some 22 year old girl looked like a Cowboy's cheerleader. He said she was really hot and barely spoke English.
Howard asked what Katy is doing on the show. Apples said that this 22 year old girl wanted to dance with the judges and Katy got up and tried to twerk and she fell over because her dress was so tight. Apples said they had to blur out her vagine area. He said if you see that 22 year old... Howard said he doesn't give a fuck about that. He hung up on Apples.
Howard said Billy Bush wants to say something about Ryan Seacrest. He had fake Billy on the phone and spent a minute talking to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Trump runs again and doesn't get elected would he have him on the show. Howard said of course he would. He said he'd have him on now. He said Trump is an expert on women and their looks. Robin said he thinks he is.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about the North Korea thing. Howard said he thinks that nothing has worked with that fat maniac. He said if this sit down causes this blob to feel better about not blowing up the universe then that's fine. He said talking can't be bad. He said he thinks what Trump is saying is alright. He said as long as the conversation is put into perspective. He said he doesn't think it can hurt. He said he's fine with it. Robin said if Dennis Rodman can talk to him then Trump can. Howard said he'd put the guy over his lap and spank that guy. Robin said he'd be dead the next day. Howard said he's not against them sitting down and talking.
Robin said that Obama wanted to sit down and talk with the Iranians but people said you can't do that. Howard asked what's wrong with talking. He said everyone reacts to everything. He said talk can't be that bad. He said just leave him alone. He said his blood boils when he sees that Kim Jong Un. He said he's shaped like an Asian Benjy. He said that's what it would look like if his father was the leader of Asia.
Howard said the PGA championship was on and the Baba Booey thins is being yelled out at every hole. He said it's good for them so that's all he cares about.
Howard played some clips of people yelling out Baba Booey when Tiger Woods was taking shots. Howard said this is so great for the show so thank you. He said it makes golf fun too. Howard said this is one where people were shouting and applauding. He played that and people were cheering as the guy yelled out Baba Booey. Howard said it's almost like a symphony of Baba Booeys.
Howard said there's another one with tiger Woods where someone yelled out Baba Booey. The guy screamed that one out.
Howard played another clip where a guy yelled out ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' when someone was swinging. Howard said they need more promotion now that they're on satellite. He said that they have millions of fans but you have to do extra work.
Robin said it's at times like this that they miss Joey Boots. Howard said they do. He said he's probably be yelling out ''Peg Ronnie'' or something. Howard asked if Robin thinks that Baba Booey is so big that they don't know what it means. Robin said probably yes.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that he should be proud that he doesn't have bleeding on probing. She said that's a huge success. She said she's a dental hygienist so she knows. She said that's not a sharp thing they stick in. She said it's a probe. She asked what the measurements were. Howard said she did tell him but he doesn't know anything about it so he didn't know the numbers. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Jason said that Rex said that there was no way that they were going to meet with North Korea but then Trump said they were. He said Trump doesn't need a secretary of state. He said he's his own.
Howard said he heard that Jason was eating Doritos with sour cream out of a bag. Jason said you crush up one of those little bags and you fill the bag with taco stuff and eat it out of the bag. He said he did do that. He said he calls it a bag taco. Robin asked if he did what while he golfed. Jason said he did. He said he did 18 holes and didn't even sweat.
Howard asked Jason if he's afraid of being morbidly obese. Jason said he does worry. He said he's not there yet though. Howard said Jason is within 10 pounds of High Pitch Erik now. Jason said he knows that. He said he's staying the same weight though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he appreciates him getting up early to do the show. He said he knows what it's like getting up early. Howard thanked him for that.
The caller said he lost 230 pounds in a year and a half with the same operation that Erik had. He asked how Erik is doing. Howard said he's not sure. He got word that he's lost 90 pounds. The caller said he's down to 200 after being 430. Howard said he's proud of him for having no self control and having an operation to get the weight under control.
The caller said he's a dentist so he commend him on his dental work. He said that they pull out some stuff from people's teeth. Howard said that's what the woman he goes to said. The caller said they pull out all kinds of food.
Howard said he like this guy on the phone. He said he's going to play a game with him. He said he can win an SVS sound system valued at 999.99.
Howard got into his game show host voice and said they have a Sal's Dad General Knowledge Game to play. He said Sal's dad is 77 years old. He gave some history on Sal's dad and talked about the pizzeria he owned.
Howard said that he has the game up on his board. He said last time they played it was interesting to see what he knew. Howard said this first question is for fun. He said they asked what president is on the 1 dollar bill. Howard played the audio of Sal asking his dad that question. Howard asked the caller, John, what he thinks. John said he thinks he'll know that one. Howard played the answer and Sal's Dad said ''Adam... I don't know.''
Howard said John has to get 3 out of 5 right. He said they asked Sal's dad what president is on the $5 bill. Howard said that's interesting because he didn't know the 1 dollar bill. John said he must know something. He said he's going to say he knows. Howard played the answer and Sal's dad said ''Lincoln.'' He got that right.
Howard played Sal asking his dad how many sides does a rectangle have? Howard asked John if he knows. John said 4. Howard said close enough. John said he won't know. Howard played the answer and Sal's dad said ''Three.''
Howard played Sal asking his dad what Disney character has a nose that grows? John said he will not know that one. Howard played the answer and Sal's dad said ''Pinnochio.''
Howard played Sal asking his dad what kind of animal was Bambi? John said he knows that it's a deer. He said Sal's dad will not know. Howard played the answer and Sal's dad said ''A dog.'' Howard said John just won the game. He said he won an SVS sound system. He gave them some plugs and put John on hold.
Howard asked how Robin was playing along. Robin said she thinks she got them all right. Howard said he should play with her. He said he'll do a speed round. He said they asked if he know who killed Lincoln. He played his answer and he said Al Capone. Howard said they asked him if he knows what KFC stands for. His answer was the colonel's chicken or whatever they call it.
Howard said they asked what show Vanna White is the co-host of. Robin said he will know. Sal's dad said Wheel of Fortune. Howard said they asked him ''Old MacDonald owns a what?'' Sal's dad didn't know.
Howard said he has Sal's dad on the phone. He asked him some questions and the guy doing the voice was giving wrong answers for everything he was asked. Howard asked him what state New York city is in. He said Seinfeld. Howard said that's right. He asked if he's able to tie his own shoes. Sal's dad was asking how his son got inside the box radio.
Howard let Sal's dad go and said this is an exciting morning. He said they can bring the guys in and get to the Benjy thing in a minute.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thanks god for the on demand and replay stuff on the app. She said she has been cracking up over the OJ Simpson stuff from yesterday. Howard asked if they know anyone who thinks that he's still innocent. He said they can't believe that. He said the OJ special didn't do so good in the ratings. Robin said of course not. She said people don't need to hear him say he did it.
Howard did his OJ impression for a short time and talked about how even he was watching American Idol instead of his own special. Howard said he loves that he named that guy Charlie like he had someone with him. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he has a clip to play from his first time on the air. He said he'd like a time machine clip. Fred found something to play. Howard said this is when Benjy was on the air for the first time. Gary said Benjy had been out of college but he took one credit to get to be an intern on the show. He said he may have been 28 or 29 when he was an intern. Howard said he tricked them by wearing that college beanie. Howard said he used to call him Benjy Van Wilder.
Jason said they spoke to some of Benjy's friends and they say that he was an upper clansman in college in 1989. Howard asked what he was doing from that time until he was on this show. Jason said he had a lot of jobs like Pedi-cab driver and he may have driven hookers around too. Howard said that's interesting but he doesn't dare ask him to come in to talk about it. He said that'll just slow them down.
Howard said he gave Benjy a job in radio and he had no experience. He said this is more about him than Benjy. He said this was Benjy's first time on the air. He said he emailed him and said he had a religious experience the first time he saw him. Howard played the clip and Benjy was talking about how his shoulder was cured after seeing him the first time in person.
Howard said he should have thrown him out of there with the Benjy catapult. He played a clip of that sound effect.
Howard asked if they should have Benjy in there for this. Gary said he's going to slow things down if he's in there. Benjy came in anyway. Howard asked if he's going to slow things down. Benjy said no.
Howard said he knows Gary gets annoyed with Benjy. Gary said he odes. Benjy said he gets so condescending with him. Gary said he isn't though. Benjy said he's trying to stay positive. Gary said he's slowing things down.
Howard said he's going to get to this and he wants the guys to say something nice about Benjy and he'll play a clip. Gary said he's a fan of Benjy's noises and his field pieces. He said he went to a pillow case fight once and he didn't want to end the fight. He said that he's not sure where that guy went that had all of that energy back then. Gary said he interviewed Soupy Sales and he ended up getting knocked on the ground and it was really funny. Howard said these days he's not interested in that.
Gary said this clip is Benjy at a scream for peace event. He said Benjy shows up and hijacks the event. Howard played the clip of Benjy screaming at the top of his lungs at this event. He was screaming about his penis size. They were supposed to be doing that about peace.
Gary said he has another clip of Benjy at Comic-Con where he got thrown out. He said he was screaming and making weird noises as he got dragged out. Howard played that one too and Benjy was making a whining sound and then some kind of scream. Howard asked if they get scared when he does that. Benjy asked if they get scared so Howard asked Gary what he thinks. He wasn't answering quick enough.
Howard said that when Benjy got fingered by Perez Hilton on the air he made such a violent noise that he made Perez stop. Gary said that was one of the most bizarre things he's been involved with on the show. He said they had only 2 sets of headphones so he had to share them with Benjy. He said he got the vibration on the bed. Benjy said he was thinking of making out with Gary during that. He said that was scary because Perez was thrusting. Howard said he was making weird noises and he was getting that finger up there. He said he thought the noises were real. Benjy said it was pain and fear.
Howard said that Gary pulled another clip from that Perez Hilton thing. He played the clip where Benjy screamed when he got the finger up his ass. He was screaming at Perez to not do it hard. Howard was telling him to go slow.
Howard said that's the noise that Ronnie should have made when he got the dildo up his ass. Ronnie said they put it in slow so he didn't scream. Benjy said that he got a colonic once and he screamed like that. Howard asked what it was like for Gary when he screamed like that. Gary said he could see in his face he wasn't hurt but he was still in bed with a guy who had a finger in his ass.
Howard said he had the feeling that Perez was going to be pretty aggressive. Gary said he was. Howard said the doctor found his class ring in there. He was joking.
Gary said that Howard mentioned that he might want to start the show later and Benjy was screaming about that today. Benjy stared to talk about where he went to school to get on the show but Howard cut him off. Benjy said that Gary also wrote him a check for $100 and that's when he stopped liking him. Howard said that he's the only one who is going to ruin this tribute. He said he's going to take his jacket back if he makes one more comment.
Howard asked Jason what he has. Jason said he loves how fearless Benjy is. He said in 2008 the stock market was crashing and Lehman Brothers was going out of business and Benjy went right in and started in with the news. He had a clip of Benjy giving a shout out to Gary's son Lucas Dell'Abate saying that's who they need out there to help. Benjy said he ended up in jail that day for doing that. He said they dropped the charges later that day. Howard said that was the same day that Sal and Richard were making out on camera.
Jason said that one time Benjy went on the street and asked black people to tickle him. Howard had audio of that too. He played the clip and guys were asking him to get away from them.
Jason said Benjy also crashed the Anthony Weiner press conference and he gave out his twitter handle and all of that. Benjy said he got kicked out of that too. He said he hurt his ankle. Howard said a lot of reporters were mad at him for asking questions there. He said he thinks it was some security people who dragged him out. Benjy said he felt a sharp pain and he's not even sure who hit him.
Howard played the clip of Benjy at the Anthony Weiner press conference. He was yelling out questions and people were freaking out over what he was asking.
Howard said he wants to know what Ronnie's tribute is about. Ronnie said this was from 2002 when Anna Nicole Smith was in and Benjy asked her out on a date. Howard said they went for it and made out on the show. Howard said that was a great moment. Howard played some audio from the show where Benjy took Anna into a room to give her oral. Howard said they went into the bathroom and they made out. He had some audio of them making out. Then someone knocked on the door.
Howard said that people wonder why she overdosed. Howard said Benjy tried to go out with her but she really didn't want to date. Benjy said she wanted him to go home with her. He said he didn't and he really should have. Howard said he should have eaten her out. Benjy said he was working his way up to it. Gary said he saw him jump right into it with a girl he knew less than her. Howard asked what happened on the date. Benjy said that they went to the hotel room. He said they had cameras on them the whole time. He said he laid on her couch and she showed him her freckles and stuff. He said she treated her dog kind of mean too. Brent asked if he felt her up at all. Benjy said he thinks so. He doesn't remember.
Howard said that Anna also said she was on her period at the time. Benjy said he told her that was fine. He said he would have done it.
Howard said Ronnie had some good recall on that one. He said that Jason also said he likes Benjy's phony phone calls. Jason told Howard what he had there to play. He said Benjy got this woman to have phone sex with him as a horse. Howard said that was fun stuff. He said Benjy doesn't do that anymore. He played the clip and Benjy was asking to have phone sex as he was pretending to be a horse. This woman played along with it.
Howard said that was some wild stuff. He said it must have been bleeped a lot on K-Rock. Jason said he has another one where he put an ad on Craigslist and they had to check on a friend who has special needs. He said that he took a year to put this one together. He said Benjy confesses to this woman that he ate his own brother. Howard played the call where Benjy did the phony phone call to this woman and tells her about this person who ate her brother. Benjy is playing the part of the woman who ate her brother.
Howard said that weird thing is that Benjy looked like a retarded person who ate his brother. Gary said there's a PBS documentary that still airs that has Benjy playing a slow person at a hot dog stand. Benjy said he just walked up and played the part. He said he was talking about how he likes hot dogs. He said he had no idea it was going to show up on PBS every year.
Howard asked Gary to make the point about how it's dangerous to take him to events. Gary said in 2000 they were doing a show from an MTV event. He said Benjy never knows where the line is. He said the whole thing about Jacob Dylan was not to ask him about his father. Benjy got drunk and he started to sing to Jacob with one of his dad's songs. Gary said Benjy also threw up on Robin that night. Howard had some audio of that too. Howard said that's how Robin got cancer.
Howard said that he forgot about that. He said this anniversary is wild. Gary said the next year they were at the Playboy mansion and they saw Benjy completely naked jumping into the grotto. Howard said he doesn't remember much of what happens on the show but he remembers that. He said he did it right next to him. He played some audio of the reactions from the guys as Benjy went into the pool naked.
Howard asked Brent what he has about Benjy. Brent said that he loves his art but he gets frustrated with him when he shows up late and things like that. He had a clip from 2016 when Benjy showed up late. He said when Howard is really upset it's great. Howard played the clip of Benjy trying to explain why he was late and how it doesn't happen often. That's the day Howard moved him out of the studio.
Howard said that time flies when Benjy isn't in the studio. He said that was the best decision in his life. He said he can bring him in when he needs him and throw him out. Benjy said he doesn't believe that.
Howard asked Memet what he has. Memet said he went and tailed Benjy at a Trump protest. He said this is new material. He said he has Benjy screaming in that. Memet said they had people screaming at the sky and Benjy still pissed them off by screaming. Brent said they were really pissed at Benjy. Howard said Trump should hire Benjy.
Howard played a clip of these people at the rally banging drums and chanting. Howard said this is why he hates living in New York. He said he's up high in his building but he hears this stuff. Memet said this was in the middle of winter and Benjy showed up in shorts and a t-shirt. He said it was freezing out. Benjy said pants don't fit as well as shorts. He said he knew he was going to be moving around a lot that night. Howard said he's not even doing shtick. Benjy said it was easy to get around in them. Brent said that he wasn't cold at all. He said he was in gloves himself but Benjy was comfortable.
Memet said Benjy was asking the screaming people to stop because they're going to wake up Howard Stern. Howard played that clip where Benjy asked them to stop. In another clip the people were screaming and then Benjy starts screaming and a guy gets in his face. Brent said it seemed like there were more people covering that even than participating in it. Brent said the guy who got mad at Benjy was upset that he wasn't taking it seriously.
Memet said that at this point Benjy was responding with all screams. He was offered a flyer and he was screaming that he wanted flyer. Howard said that scream is prehistoric.
Memet said the protesters are silly. He said they were handing out lollipops and Benjy stared screaming about that. He said they go upset with him about that too. Howard played the audio of that.
Howard said that maybe they thought he was a slow adult. Memet said that they had one woman who didn't give permission to use her audio saying that he's obviously mentally channeling. Howard said he wishes they had that one.
Memet said in the next clip the people were asking Benjy to leave and Benjy is telling him and Brent to get out of there acting like they're talking to them. Howard played some of that audio too.
Memet said the group was following Benjy's lead when he started chanting. He was chanting about Simon Cowell and they were repeating after him. Howard played that clip. Benjy was chanting ''Simon Cowell Will Fuck Your Wife.''
Gary said Benjy is really nutty. He said they had a guy on the show who had two kids and he let Benjy stay over. He said that Benjy had night terrors at the house in the middle of the night.
Jason said that he interviewed his college roommates and they said that it happened back then too. Howard said his grandpa would yell in his sleep. Benjy said he doesn't think he does that anymore. Howard said no one would know because he lives alone.
Howard said that's 20 years of Benjy on the Howard Stern Show. He said he thinks this is enough of that. Gary said they could do a lot more. He said they could get into his sex stories and stuff. Howard said that was fun when he'd come in and tell sex stories. Benjy said he'll do that. Shuli told him to take his time.
Benjy said he just got a text that was pretty funny. Howard said maybe another time. He said they should end on a high note.
Benjy said he got laid about a week ago. He said he was using a dating app. Howard said Benjy would tell him about going to people's houses and having sex. Gary said he told a story about answering ads on Craigslist and going to people's houses where they had left the door open and you just get in bed with them. Benjy said he only had a guy do that once. He said the guy said he couldn't leave because his parents would find out. Howard asked when he answers and ad like that are any of them attractive. Benjy said yes. He said some of them are like models. He said he realized they were probably doing coke and stuff.
Howard asked why a model would want to take a stranger. Benjy said that when they're hot like that they don't care about how the guy looks. Howard said women have guys coming on to them all the time. He said it's so weird to him.
Gary said Benjy has told stories about helping women out cleaning and they have sex with him for doing that. Ronnie said he used to go to the Today show to get guests and Benjy would be standing there like a pimp. Memet said that Benjy has a rap with chicks. He said he has something there. Howard said he has a hard time believing that models leave their door open to let a guy come in.
Benjy said he had a famous guy fuck this woman in front of him. He said that he did it and he wanted him to act like he was forcing them. He said this was a famous guy too. Howard said he's going to tell him as soon as he turns off the microphone.
Howard said he doesn't think Benjy will ever settle down with a woman. Benjy said he can see Ronnie's point about the sex stuff. He said that he doesn't think he'd want to take the stuff in his ass on a regular basis.
Howard said this has been a lovely tribute. Robin said one of his greatest phone calls was when he played Bill Clinton and the woman got him off. Howard said he can't get to everything.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say he was dreading this but it was pretty epic. He said he was cracking up listening. Howard said he feels better about Benjy and that was the idea here. He said he wanted to celebrate 20 years of him on the show.
Jason asked if he wanted to find out about his job driving hookers. Howard asked if that was true. Benjy said there was an ad in the village voice and he showed up and it was to drive the hookers. He said he was supposed to body guard them too. He said the girls were tougher than him though. Howard asked if he had to fight anyone. Benjy said no because he only did it 4 nights. Benjy said that his car broke down one night and the girl had to push the car to the side of the road. Howard sake if that's why he stopped doing the job. Benjy said the girls really liked him and they wanted him to keep doing it. Howard said he should have rented a car and kept doing it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this allowed him to check out all of the other channels on Sirius. He said they have a Beatles and a Springsteen channel. He said he enjoyed every second of not listening to this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Benjy should be back in the studio every day. He said he should give him another shot.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Benjy being there on radio is the same Benjy in life. She said her brother was in his fraternity after Benjy left school. She said that he thought Benjy was an odd bird from what the other guys told him. She said there was a story about Benjy walking into this affair wearing a tux t-shirt and jeans and he was loud and obnoxious the whole time he was there. Howard said way to ruin the tribute with a negative story. Howard said she was going on and on and he wanted to hang himself.
Howard wanted to wrap up and Benjy said he's not sure why he has this anger for him. Gary said they just talked about the stuff that made them laugh. Howard said he's celebrating him. He said now end it. He asked what's wrong with him. He asked how he would like this to end. Benjy said he has this anger toward him. Howard said now he has to get him out of there. Howard said he's ruining the end of the thing. Benjy said they know what he's talking about. Howard said he just did a tribute to him. He said he has to move on. Brent said they're way off into the weeds.
Howard wrapped up with the guys and did a live commercial read before going to break.
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Robin started off with a story about March Madness starting. She said that Howard is a big fan of Warren Buffet. Robin said every year he challenges his staff to pick the brackets and he'll pay the winner $1 million a year. Howard said the guy does some weird, frivolous stuff like that. He said he can't figure him out.
Robin read a story about Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson and their son. Robin said that the son allegedly punched his dad and knocked him out. Robin said Pam is saying that he's just giving him back what he deserved for hurting people. Robin said that Tommy is claiming that he's paying for all of this stuff and they're just living off of him.
Robin read a story about Charles Manson's body not being buried yet. Robin said there are three people saying they should have the body. Howard said this is like Casey Kasem. He said he wants to see Manson rot. Robin said that the grandson is going to get the body according to a judge. Howard said he'd like it in the studio. He said he could pour beer in his ass with Richard and Sal.
Robin read a story about National Geographic acknowledging that they covered the world with a racist lens for years. Robin said they would have pictures and images of people in Africa that didn't represent the African people correctly. Robin said they say they showed images of black people that were stereotypical and wrong. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he thinks that part of Stephen Colbert's success is that he's the opposing party. Howard said he thinks that these guys in late night are very talented. He said he watches Colbert a lot. He said he does a very intelligent monologue and this Trump thing has helped a lot in his opinion. He said he also thinks he's very talented but that was the catalyst for him going to number 1. Fred had some Ronnie clips he was playing during the news. Howard had him play some of the new clips and some old stuff like ''Lets get rid of these fucking' wive shits.''
Robin read a story about a woman who won the lottery for $560 million and how she was fighting to keep her identity secret. Robin said when you sign the ticket you sign away that right. Robin said the woman didn't want to tell everyone she won. Robin said now the court says she can collect without giving her identity. Howard said you can't take away everyone's rights. He said that's why they're letting her do that. Robin said she says it would be an invasion of privacy. Robin said she bought the ticket in January and she's getting over $350 million in a lump sum.
Robin read a story about a man who won $100,000 when his mom suggested using family birthdays for the numbers. Robin said he listened and won the jackpot. Howard said his parents were the opposite. He said his dad called him a loser for buying lottery tickets. He did his parents voices telling him he was a loser. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Mets having auditions for singing the National Anthem at their games. Howard said Benjy should try out for that. He had Robin singing it too so he said there's an audition. He said this is so original.
Robin read a story about an election going on in Pennsylvania to replace a resigning congress person. Robin said this is an early look at how President Trump is doing. Robin said the democratic candidate is 6 points ahead in the polls.
Robin read a story about Stormy Daniels offering to give back her $130,000 so she can say what she wants to say. Howard said he doesn't understand this. He said she made a deal and now she wants to go back on it. Howard said she took the money. Robin said she doesn't like some of the things that have been said about her and she wants to respond. Robin said she will give back the money if they don't try to stop the 60 Minutes interview. Howard said she's not giving back the money. He asked if anyone has new information.
Robin read a story about Rex Tillerson being let go as Secretary of State. Howard asked if any President has let so many people go. Gary said that Tillerson says he learned he was fired in a Tweet and Trump claims they let him know last Friday. Howard had fake President Obama on the phone to respond. Howard broke the news to him about that and Obama said he'd be willing to come back. He said he's going to make Bruce Jenner screw his cock back on too.
Robin got back to the Tillerson story and had some audio clips for Howard to play. Robin said Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked about this firing and if it had anything to do with Rex mentioning Russia. She was taking about the nerve gas being used and she said we are standing by our ally but she didn't mention Russia. Howard said she sounds like 'Gina Man. He wondered what ever happened to that guy. Robin said she has no idea.
Robin read a story about Trump pointing out that the House Intelligence agency saying there was no collusion with Russia. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Trump going to California for the first time this week. Robin had some audio of Sarah Sanders talking about what he'll be doing out there in San Diego.
Robin read a story about some package bombs going off in Austin and how the governor is offering a reward for information about the bombings.
Robin read a story about Michael Keaton getting an honorary degree from a college. Howard said he wouldn't take one. He said it's so lame. Robin had some audio of someone talking about giving that honorary degree to Keaton. Howard said he would keep it really quiet if he did that. Robin said Keaton did go to Kent State at least. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show asking if he's on the air. He said he's having a problem. Robin said she can hear him. Howard asked Fred to play a song and he'll get it fixed. Fred played some Van Halen for a few seconds before Howard came back. He said his headphones weren't on. He said he can't figure out this equipment. He said he starts off every morning not knowing how to do radio. He said he shouldn't have changed the equipment. He said he had no room in there so he wanted to change it.
Howard said he wanted to be able to move the studio and be able to use the same equipment they use in the rest of Sirius.
Howard said he had a long day yesterday. He was sitting there with some of the fellas who work in the office telling them about the old days in radio. He said he and Fred used to drive home together at WNBC. He said he and Fred had some phony phone calls they used to make. Fred was already laughing. Howard said he can't laugh until he tells the story.
Howard said he and Fred used to drive home together and there was this guy Jack Spector who used to do a top 40 radio show. He said he was a big deal at WMCA. He said he had been off radio for a while and he was developing a business for ''fuck you money.'' He said Jack would tell him off the air that he had to get fuck you money. Howard said he knows but he didn't know how to do it. He said Jack started his own eyeglass business. He said that's how he got his fuck you money. He said he didn't get it doing radio. He said Jack said it was a rough business doing radio.
Howard said he worried he wasn't going to make money being in radio. He said he thought he was going to have to go into the eyeglass business too. He said Jack must have been a salesman for frames or something. Robin said she wasn't able to figure out what the business was. Fred said he thought he had a store.
Howard said this guy John Hayes was the GM at the station. He said his idea was to hire Jack and have a sports show after his show. He said the guy knew nothing about sports though. He said no one listened to Jack's show because he didn't know anything about sports. He said he had no opinion about the teams. He said Jack would talk about not knowing anything about the teams. He said sometimes they'd tune in and he'd have a guy on who liked cross country skiing. He said he thought that was a sport. Howard said they'd heard Jack talking endlessly with this guy. He said he liked Jack and he would talk to Fred about that. He said he'd get home and he had just bought a house on Long Island. He said he was up to his ass in mortgage payments. He said he'd dial into the show and wait on the phone like a listener. He said he never told Jack it was him. He said no one called into his show anyway.
Howard said he'd get on the air with Jack and he'd do this voice and talk to Jack about stuff for like a half hour. Fred said he actually has one. Howard had him play it. In that call Howard was telling Jack he loves his show and kept him on the line for a while just telling him how great he is.
Howard said he knew Jack could talk about show business. He said if he had anything about sports he'd be hung up on. He said he'd try to see how long he could stay on the air. He said that one was 5 minutes. Fred said he always did it before dinner. Howard said he probably had to eat.
Howard said he was in endless meetings yesterday and he thought it would be fun to do a bit where they do a radio rodeo. He said that's where they randomly call radio shows and try to stay on as long as they can. He said he thinks that he could beat all of the guys there. He said this would be like a rodeo. He said he told the guys to find a show and he'll see how long he can stay on and then the guys have to beat it.
Howard said Richard and Sal tried to find a radio show to call into. He said he'll call into anything on radio or the internet. He said he told them not to tell him what the show is about or anything and make it hard. He said they can give him a premise to call in with. He said it was anything.
Howard said the guys found the show that Sal and Richard call into with this woman Don Nicole Leone. He said that he was on hold for 45 minutes. He said he had to say goodbye to her. He said he had to leave for his shrink appointment. He said that he realized that he was on so long he was doing another radio show. Robin said she's not on a radio station. Howard said that's all the guys could find on fast notice. He said they were on forever. Robin said on a radio station they'd have to do a commercial break.
Howard said he told the guys that if they found a station to call into he could stay on during a commercial break. Howard said he has some of the audio to play. He said it's so boring they had to cut it down.
Howard said this is the end where he had to hang up and leave. He played the clip and Howard was telling Don Nicole that he had to go. He said she's a super talented woman. Don Nicole was talking about how great that call was and she was all excited about the call. She said a white man just validated her.
Howard said this woman is out of her mind. He said by the time he was done with her she was putty in his hands. Howard played some of the audio from the call where he was telling Don Nicole how great she was. Howard said he was on that call for 45 minutes. He said he may have to call back today.
Robin said she'll know she was pranked today. Howard said it was fun. Richard came in and said that it was fun. Howard said that was 45 minutes of his life. Richard said he was really nice to her and she loved it. He said his phone connection was way better than her's too. Howard said he was louder than her. He played a clip to show how much louder he was. He was talking to Don Nicole about doing radio and talking.
Howard said she sounds like she's broadcasting from the Moon. He did an impression of her talking to him.
Howard said he wants his 45 minutes back. He said they were talking like crazy. Richard said he could have gone on a lot longer. Howard said he knows that. Richard said her show is 4 hours long. Howard said he was a guest for an hour. Richard said he doesn't think she has any commercials.
Howard said he almost got busted when he asked if she's married and she said if he listens to the show he should know. Howard played a little more of that call to her where he was asking her about being turned on by her man.
Howard said that's 45 minutes if anyone wants to challenge his time. Robin said it may not be that hard to get with her. Howard said go ahead and try. He said he was in a rush and had a million things to do and he was stuck on the phone for 45 minutes.
Sal said that Booey wants to challenge him. Howard told Sal to stay off his air. He said that he's crow barring a different bit into this one. He said that was his contribution. Howard asked where Sal was yesterday during that call. Richard said he'll have to ask Sal. Howard said Richard sat there watching him yesterday. Richard said he kept his mouth shut. Howard said he was trying to get on the air and he told the guys they had to quiet down.
Howard said he did this radio rodeo call yesterday and Richard handed him his phone to talk into. He said he figured this guy doesn't brush his teeth and he has gout and all of this. He said he didn't want to use the phone. He said he wanted to do the bit so he was talking into it and trying not to touch it. Richard said he would have gave him a different thing to use.
Will came in and said that the studio they use is disgusting. He said that Howard would freak out if he knew what they have in there. He said he was wondering if the phone was going to touch his face. Howard said he was trying not to let it touch him.
Howard said Richard doesn't wash his hands after he shits. Richard said he does though. He said he didn't shit before he came in. Howard said Sal was caught jerking off in there once.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to put that 45 minute call on demand or something. Howard said it would be boring. He said it was so boring but he could put it up online or something.
Howard played more of his call to this Don Nicole. He said they had phone problems too. He said he turned his head and the phone made noise. He said Richard's wire jiggles and Richard knew about it but didn't tell anyone. He said that it's been that way a long time. He said he told him to get it fixed. He said Richard looked at him like the apes in 2001 A Space Odyssey. He said it's like working with Gomer Pyle. Richard said you have to jiggle the wire a little bit. Richard said he had to jiggle it and his hand was near Howard's face. Howard said his doody and gout hand was right up there.
Howard said Don Nicole hung in there with him. He said she said something was wrong with his phone and he thought it was her phone. He had some audio from that moment when the noise started. He said it wasn't him but Don knew it was him. Howard told her she's a genius.
Howard said that was Richard's crappy phone connection. Robin said he makes phony phone calls and you'd think he'd get it fixed. Will said that didn't slow her down for a second. Howard would have hung up.
Howard said that his fantasy was to call Swap Shop and see how long they can stay on. Richard said they're tough to stay on with. Howard said offer him the challenge.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is classic Stern here. He said that he loves what he does but he really likes this radio rodeo. Howard said you just do what you have to do to stay on the line. Richard said he has talked to guys on Tradio for 5 minutes just saying ''God bless'' over and over. He said if he gave Howard a 45 minute call he'd slap him.
Howard said Richard is so gross. He said he didn't brush his teeth until he came to New York. Robin said that was holding Richard's phone and he must have touched his face. Howard said he didn't while he was in there but 10 minutes later he was picking his nose and all of that. Richard said he would have Cloroxed the phone if he had said something.
Howard said he got out of his car to come to work today and he had 3 newspapers with him. He said he was walking out of the car and there was newspaper on the ground. He said he wondered if it was from his paper. He said he didn't want to be that guy who leaves that stuff on the ground. He said he was littering if he left it there. He said he was standing there staring at it but he wondered if it wasn't his. He said it might be full of germs. He said this had to be his paper. He said it took him like 2 or 3 minutes to decide. He said he picked up the paper and figured the germs were entering his skin. He said he had 2 people with him and he told them what he was doing. He said he had to throw it in the garbage. He said he was going to do it himself but the guys said give it to them.
Howard said he's holding the dirty paper and all of his stuff. He said there was no garbage pail in Sirius. He said he was obsessed with the germs. He said he didn't want to touch his face. He said he was going to bathe in Purell. He said they finally get up there and he sees a garbage pail. He said he hopes it was from his paper. He said he was obsessed over this.
Howard said then he runs back to his office and tells the guys an idea he had for the show. He said he had a Stephen Hawking idea. He said that he started bathing in his Purell after that. Then he's thinking the stuff didn't do the trick so he was going to wash his hands. He was obsessed over that too.
Howard said he ran into the bathroom after that. He said he washed his hands. Will said he wondered why he ran in there.
Howard said that he was talking to Don Nicole and calling her Donna and she mentioned Howard Stern's name. He said that he almost got busted. He played a clip of her talking about that. She said she hates that he calls her Donna.
Howard said that's what he did yesterday. Robin said now she's devastated her. Robin said all that time she was talking to Howard Stern. Will said he was thinking that call was like $100,000. Howard said how dare he insult him with that. He said it was worth more than that. He said she was so giddy having him on. He said her whole thing seems to be that she's an angry black woman but once he was on she was all happy that the white man likes him.
Howard said George Takei came in today just for Gary. He had him come in. It was Sour Shoes doing his George Takei impression. Sour George was saying hi to Robin and Fred.
George was talking about how Brad broke his penis and now it looks like a boomerang. Howard said they were talking about Peyronie's disease yesterday.
George asked where Gary is. Gary said he's right there. George was talking about how nervous he gets around Gary. He said he feels like he has a Tribble up his butt. Howard thanked him for flying in for this. He said he knows throughout the morning they're going to have a bunch of visitors for Gary. He said George will leave and then they'll have someone else come in. George said he baked him a special cake of oat bran and egg whites. He said that's the ''Whole twenty noine'' diet.
Howard said Sal put together a list for Gary. He had a list of 57 screw ups that Gary has made. Gary said he has 57 Sal fuck ups. He said if Sal is going to talk about him he's going to do that about Sal. He said Sal stopped by yesterday to talk to him about the list and how they're still buddies.
Howard said he thought that was a secret list. Sal said he didn't tell him about it. Gary said he saw it on their Dropbox. He said he saw that folder that said ''Booey's Blunders.'' Sal said he had to do that. He said that someone had to tell Gary that. He said he never goes through it.
Howard said Sal is a fuck up. He said he put this list together and Gary wasn't supposed to see it. Sal said he shouldn't have seen it. Gary said he left it on the street for him to see it. Sal said Gary is never there so someone had to tell him about it. Gary said that's not true.
Sal said the fuck ups are still there. He said Gary shouldn't have been snooping around. Howard said he's not snooping. He asked Sal when he's going to start thinking around there. He said if he has someone who can get in there he can put it somewhere else. Sal said that the document he put in there wasn't under the blunders thing. Sal said he wouldn't have seen it.
Howard said Sal is a mess. Sal said Gary ruined this bit. Howard said Sal did. He asked George to sing a song to Gary. Sour George sang happy birthday to him.
Howard let Sour go and then Will came in and said that there's no way Gary world have found this document. Gary said he saw it in Booey Blunders. Will said he would have had to go through 3 folders to see it. Howard said Gary is going to find it if his name is on it. Sal said they don't work in areas that he can find it. He said this guy ruined it as a producer. Robin said he did not. Howard told Sal to get out of there after he called Gary a shit bag. Howard said Sal ruined the bit. Sal said Will backed it up. Howard told him to get out.
Howard said this is some birthday party. Gary said he's going to leave too. Howard said he should. He said imagine Sal made this list of 57 screw ups that Gary made. He said it's remarkable and you think Sal is a smart guy. He said that he was thinking this is a good bit and he put a lot of work into it. He said then he comes in and it turns out he left it laying on Gary's desk for him to see. He said now Gary has his own list. He said that's not the way it was supposed to go down.
Howard said he's not sure if they should read the list. He said it's screwed up now though. Gary said Will is now backing him up. He said he can see how Sal fucked up. Howard said Sal is the biggest fuck up. He said it ruins the whole premise.
Sal was back and said he has one fuck up to 57 of Gary's. Sal said this was a piece of cake. He said he could have done 570.
Gary said he's coming in. He said Sal has a lot more than one. Sal said this ain't his birthday. Howard said Sal is going to read one of his fuck ups and Gary is going to read one about Sal. Gary said he made all of his own. He said no one helped him with his.
Howard said this is finally a birthday show. Howard said Sal has 57 fuck ups from Gary. He had him start reading it. Sal said Gary went to sleep during the show. Gary said Sal let his wife have an emotional affair. Gary read that Gary booked Carol Miller on the show with whooping cough. Gary said that Sal coughed and spit into Howard's megaphone.
Sal said Gary unfriended Howard as his friend on Facebook. Howard said he got so mad as he was reading this list. He said he wondered how Gary and unfriend him on Facebook. Sal said nothing shows his true colors better than that. Gary said he has 3 for Sal. He said they're all the same thing. He read a few where Sal bothered their guests and said stupid things to them.
Howard said he wants to hear another Gary screw up. Sal said Gary plays Solitaire at work. Gary said he doesn't do that anymore. Gary gave another one about Sal giving Beth advice on something and telling her to close a document she was trying to save and it deleted. Sal said that's true. He said she almost lost a document and he sent her an email telling her to save it in between. He said Howard told him not to tell his wife what to do and don't bother his wife.
Howard asked Sal to read another one off his list. Sal said that Howard one time sent flowers to his assistant on behalf of himself and he sent Gary out to send them. He said the assistant got the flowers signed ''Gary'' instead of Howard. Howard asked how he could do that.
Gary said Sal wanted to hang out with Howard in bed and watch Survivor. Howard said he was thinking about how he has to comment on things that are on TV so he was going to watch American Idol. He said he heard the show is good and he should see it. He figured he wouldn't last long with it. He wanted to hate the show but oddly enough it came on and he ended up watching two episodes. He said that it was actually good. He said some of the people from America's Got Talent are working on this show. He said they have gotten really good and they get the stuff wrapped up quickly. He said they find some ugly and freaky people who you think will suck and they're great. He said they had this one kid on who he wasn't able to tell was a man or woman. He said it was a big fat person with huge cheeks. He said he didn't know what it was. He said there was no way this guy was going to have talent. He said this fatso sat down and sang and they had talent.
Howard said Ryan Seacrest is really good on the show. He said he keeps the show moving. He said he gets the contestants and has empathy. He said he's really good. Howard said this kid walks in like Godzilla and he's the most upbeat guy. He said they set it up beautifully.
Howard said Katy Perry is beautiful and she interacts well. He said the country guy is fine. Sal said he's filler. Gary said he's a big star though. Howard said they were able to keep the budget down with him.
Howard said Lionel Richie is good on the show but he's not sure what the hell he did to his face. He said that plastic surgery has changed his face. Howard said he's 68 years old without a wrinkle on his face. He said he looks good though. He said he looks better than when he was in the Commodores. He said in a way it works for him. Robin said she just saw him and he looks odd. Howard said it's something. Howard said he has to slow down with that shit. He said he's been in Hollywood too long.
Howard said this chubby guy comes out and talks to the judges. He said he opens his mouth and he can sing. He said he's fantastic. He said he was emotional. He said the show is working. Robin said good for them.
Howard said they have some cute girls on the show too. He said his favorites are the kids who are fucked up. He said they had one guy who was like High Pitch Erik with the voice. He said that kid looked like he hadn't had a meal. He said you don't know what the fuck is going on with else people.
Howard said Katy Perry is very upbeat and she's good on the show. He said he respects Lionel too. He said that Luke Bryan must have done something to get on the show. He said he doesn't know what though. Howard said that the only people buying CDs now are country fans. He said that everyone else is streaming but not country fans.
Howard said that this kid with the high voice sings and he sings like Harry Connick Jr. He said that his voice drops 3 octaves. He said he's like ''holy fuck.'' He said he was thinking this whole thing is working. He said he's giving American Idol a thumbs up. He said he's not sure he's going to watch the whole season. He said he likes Katy and Ryan is good too. He said he's not going to knock the guy. Robin said she stopped watching Idol after season 3. She said she'll have to give this a shot.
Howard got back to Sal's list of Gary's fuck ups. Sal said Gary double booked Jewel and Jenny McCarthy on the same day and same time slot. Howard said that he wants to hear more from Sal. Sal read a bunch of things that Gary has done that didn't make sense and were just screw ups. Sal said Gary slept on a flight after Howard moved him to first class to sit next to him. He said he bothered Bradley Cooper at the White House Correspondents Dinner. Howard said they're all pretty strong screw ups.
Gary said that Sal took Ace Freyley's number from a release because he wanted to call him. Gary said he was caught jerking off in his office. Gary read a bunch more screw ups from Sal. He said he went after Beth at a roast and a bunch of other things. Gary said that Sal got uninvited from Howard's wedding because of something he screwed up.
Howard said he wants to hear more from Sal. Sal said Gary put Madonna's sister on the air and she wasn't her sister. Sal said that he types with one finger. He said Gary stayed home to protect his trampoline during a storm. Howard said this list got him so crazy. He said he wants to bond with Sal but he can't do it when Gary reads his list.
Howard thanked the boys for coming in and took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk about the Luke Bryan thing. He said that they have to look him up because he's one of the biggest country stars right now. Howard said no one cares. He said he's talking big picture shit. He said he's not talking about a bunch of guys on a tractor getting excited. He said he understands he sells a lot of CDs but no one cares about this guy. He hung up on the caller.
Howard said he's sure Luke Bryan is very good but there are a lot of people who don't know him or his music. He said Katy seems pretty horny too. He said there was a guy who was like 27 and good looking and she looked like she wanted to fuck the guy. Howard said she must have had a fucked up childhood. Robin said she was raise by a very Christian family and they weren't happy with her music. Howard said he thought they were fine with it. He said she does seem pretty horny though. He said he wishes she'd grow her hair out. Robin said that short hair makes her look special. Howard said he doesn't want special.
Robin read about Luke Bryan and gave Howard some of his background but Howard said he doesn't care. He said he has to take a break. He said Katy was on the show years ago and she talked about being a D-cup. He said he was checking her out on Idol and that's definitely true. Howard said he has to do some things after the break. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard came back and said they don't make songs like this anymore. He said now guys sing about their dicks. He said Neil Young knocked that song out in 20 minutes. He said this is what they should be doing instead of looking at Katy Perry's tits.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to convert him to an instant Luke Bryan fan and just Google his wife. Howard said he's sure that she's hot. Howard said he doesn't care about this guy's music. He said don't make it your life mission to make him like his music. The caller said he hates him. Howard said he doesn't care and hung up on the guy.
Howard said that he's sure the wife is hot. He said of course a young rich guy has a hot wife. He said Hitler had a hot wife. He said he's not a fan of Hitler or Eva Braun. He said Osama bin Laden had 12 hot wives. He asked who cares.
Howard said that he should talk about Stephen Hawking. He said he got ALS when he was young and he was so brilliant. He said his mind was so advanced. He said he began to look into the theories of Einstein. He said his life's work was to write books that us idiots could understand. He said he was also looking for one theory that would unite all theories so we could understand how the world works. He said his feeling was if he could find that then it would be like speaking to god. He said he was stricken and the part they liked best was that he spoke through a computer. Robin said he had him on as a guest over the years. Howard said they had a character based on him on Son of the Beach.
Howard said they had Stephen Hawking call a religious radio show. He said they had Stephen Hawking trying to find Jesus and then the devil got in him it was a whole saga that the guys did. He played the phony phone call he was talking about where they used the computer voice to call that religious show.
Howard said that was Stephen Hawking getting possessed by Satan. He said it was a terrible time. Howard said they had a Stephen Hawking Christmas album ad too. He played that commercial parody.
Howard said when he comes back from commercial break he'll play some interviews he did with Stephen Hawking. He said he'll tell you a fact. He said that this guy was severely handicapped but he took up with his nurse and she was married to the guy who installed that talking device on his chair. Robin said he was ruthless. Howard said he was. He said he was Simon Cowell before there was a Simon Cowell. Howard had his last words which was the Microsoft Windows shutdown sound.
Howard said Stephen Hawking was supposed to live just 2 years but he lasted 76. Robin said he was stricken in 1963 or so and he was told he had 2 years to live. Howard said he's dreading going out tonight with his wife and brother in law and sister in law. He said he's thinking about how he doesn't want to drink water today because he's going to have to pee. He said he doesn't want to go pee. Robin said he can drink now. Howard said he can't. He said his body is betraying him. He said he has to pish all the time.
Howard said he's a nervous wreck over this pee thing 10 hours before he has to go out. Robin said he can drink it now. She said he's making it worse. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said that he has an interview he did with Stephen Hawking. He tried to do a bit where they had one of the guys doing the computer voice. He didn't have the microphone on so he had to start over. Howard tried it again and had the guy doing the voice like he was doing an interview with him.
Howard was asking Hawking about a bunch of different things and Hawking was talking about wanting to fuck Robin and things like that. Howard said none of this made it into the NY Ties Obit.
Howard asked Hawking about Elon Musk and Hawking was talking shit about him and other guys too. Howard asked about his marriage and things like that.
Howard asked what year that interview was from because he's talking about Luke Bryan. Hawking said he traveled through space and time. Howard said it's been a pleasure talking to him. Hawking said he hopes next time he can have Robin suck his catheter clean.
Howard said Hawking was asked how high his IQ was and he said anyone who boasts about that is a loser. Hawking said he has always said that Memet is a fucking retard.
Howard took a call from Wheels who said daylight saving time screwed Howard up this weekend. He said it killed Stephen Hawking. Howard said good talking to you. Wheels said something about him being named Eloise or something. Howard said he's usually a good caller but he hung up on him. Hawking said he wants to run over his head with his wheelchair. Howard said he's fucking annoyed with Wheels right now too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's happy this guy is dead. He said he was human garbage. The guy said he fucked his wife. Fake Hawking and the fake caller were arguing about that.
Howard said he appreciates Stephen Hawking but it's odd that he's talking to them now instead of in old clips. Howard asked if he has any last words. Hawking asked Robin to sit on his lap and see what happens. He said nothing will happen since he's dead below the neck. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said that Richard doesn't sound so much like Richard today. He said he should go back out there and see who else is there. Sour went into his Mad Dog Russo impression instead of the Richard Simmons thing. Howard had him take off that wig and go into that impression. sour did his Mad Dog Russo impression and talked to Gary about his birthday. Howard asked how his radio channel is going. Russo was talking about sports with Howard for a few minutes. Howard asked about Tom Brady and Mad Dog freaked out saying he doesn't want to talk about him. Sour was talking about Gary and how great his arm was on the mound with the Mets. He said he thinks that was a hoax and he could throw that ball 90 feet and hit a strike.
Howard had Sour go into his Mike Francesa voice for a second. Howard thanked Mad Dog for coming in. Mad Dog asked if he can come down to her house and go on her boat. Robin said no. Mad Dog said he and the I-man play doubles tennis.
Howard asked if they heard from everyone that wanted to say hi to Gary. Gary said Gary is on the list. Sour went into his Gary impression and started rambling like Gary. Howard said he loves to talk about the past shows. He loves to reminisce. Sour Gary told a story about being in Los Angeles and that story went on and on. Howard said he was telling a story about he didn't finish it. Sour Gary told Howard about being at WNBC and went on and on about that.
Howard had to cut Sour Gary off. He said he's heard the stories over and over and they never get old.
Howard asked if Gary has learned anything in his 57 years. Sour Gary went on and on with some analogies. Howard asked if he has any stories about Scott the Engineer. Sour Gary said real quick... and started with a story and then broke into his Artie Lange impression for a few seconds.
Howard said that he loves Jon Hein so what's his favorite memory of him. Sour Gary told Howard about Jon being on the show the first time and how it was for the Jump the Shark thing. He was rambling again so Howard had to reel him in.
Howard said Gary recalls a lot on the show. He asked what his most obscure memory is. Sour Gary told Howard it was a parody of Pretty Young Thing that he did. He said he was just back there telling the guys about that.
Howard said he thought that Gary would do his own radio show. He said he did audition for MTV but that didn't work to. Sour Gary told Howard he was just talking to Martha Quinn and Adam Curry the other day. He said they could resurrect that network and bring it back. Howard said he wanted to know why he posted on his computer ''Slow down.'' He asked why he did that. Sour Gary told Howard he only types 9 words an hour and he was thinking that if he slows down it would be better.
Sour Gary told Howard about music and the band Bon Jovi and others. He was rambling about seeing different bands early in his life and still worked in the number ''noine'' in there.
Real Gary asked if he has anything nice to say. Sour Gary said sure. The two Garys were talking about vinyl together and it was hard to tell them apart. Howard said Fred just hung himself.
Howard said this was great. He said the dueling blowhard thing is great. Sour Gary was still rambling about Benjy and things like that on the show. Howard said he wants to thank Gary for coming in to say happy birthday to Gary. He wished both of them Happy Birthday.
Sour Gary said they should sing ''Happy Together.'' Sour Gary and Gary did that together. Robin said ''Oh boy...'' Howard played the guys off with a song parody. They went to break after that.
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The caller said that he didn't break out of the impression for 20 minutes. Howard said he had a bit of a stumble with the Richard Simmons thing. He said they will have a TV presence any year now and they'll be able to show that stuff.
Howard said they asked Sour to come down there and he brought with him 3 cakes. He said he kind of moves in. He brought instruments and stuff with him. He said he had the cakes, stuffed shells, a banana cream pie, a suitcase full of toys and food and more. He said they told him not to bring that stuff up there but he brought it anyway. He said he's so eccentric and odd. He said his personal life is strange and he wants to be a baby. He said he has coloring books and stuff. Gary said that whole list Howard said is only half of what he brought. He has more in his car.
Howard had Sour come in. He said he still sleeps in his childhood bed too. Howard asked Sour Shoes about being home and wanting to be a baby. Sour Shoes when into the baby voice. Howard said that makes him cringe. Sour Shoes said his parents don't treat him like a baby. Howard said he wants to be one though. Sour Shoes said that he wants time to stand still. He doesn't like getting older. Howard said he's perpetually like a little boy. Sour Shoes started getting weepy according to Robin. Sour Shoes said he has 3 jobs now. He said he works at direct care, a bakery and McDonald's. Howard asked how old he is in his mind. Sour Shoes said 9 months old. Howard asked him not to talk in the baby voice. Sour Shoes said he does that at home a little bit.
Howard asked if he has friends. Sour Shoes said that they let him play keyboard for the parties at McDonald's on Saturdays. Howard said this is the Sour he doesn't like talking to. He was doing too many impressions.
Howard said Sour is a genius. He said that he thinks that he's like Michael Jackson. He said he'd probably like to play with kids because he's a child. Sour Shoes said he would. Howard said it looks weird though. Sour Shoes said that he's not sure he'd prefer to play with little kids. Howard said they'd love him. Sour Shoes said he has a lot of toys that he still plays with. Howard said you hear about his life and then he comes in with the impressions and it's got to be impossible. Sour said he does them when he's playing. Howard said this whole thing is fascinating. He said Michael Jackson was a weirdo too. He said he must have been like this.
Robin asked why he brings all of his stuff with him. Sour Shoes said he brings them so he can feel like he's at home. Howard asked if he as ever seen a therapist over this. Sour Shoes said that he has and he told Howard about the doctor he went to. He said the guy listened and didn't make any statements about him.
Howard said he doesn't think that he could be in a relationship because he wants to be a little boy. Sour Shoes said he has a girlfriend named Amy. He said he's marrying on September 19, 2019. He said she wants to have fun. Howard asked if she's real. Sour Shoes said she is. Howard asked where he met this girl. Sour said her family owns a car dealership and a hockey team. He said he sang the National Anthem there at a game and he got to know Amy. He said that they're boyfriend and girlfriend. He said they hug and kiss a little.
Howard had a caller on the line who said he's doing the radio rodeo thing and he's been on for 9 minutes. Howard said he'll keep him on so he can win.
Howard said this whole thing is weird with the girlfriend. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were saying please call the police.
Howard asked if they meet up at all. Sour said they go to hockey games together. He said she says she wants to get married. Howard said that's not going to happen. He said that he can marry Robin too.
Howard said he rarely has a real conversation with Sour Shoes. He said that no girl is going to marry a guy she sees at the hockey game. Sour Shoes said he does see her there and visits her at the dealership too. He said she has agreed she wants to marry. Howard asked if they have ever been in the same bed together. Sour Shoes said just picnics. Howard asked what he's talking about. Sour Shoes said they're going to have a TV night soon. He said they're going to play with the dog.
Howard asked what his parents say about this. Sour Shoes said they love it. He said his mom makes eggplant parm and Howard would love it. Howard asked if he has ever pleasured himself thinking about Amy. Sour Shoes said he hasn't.
Howard said he wishes he could talk to his Gary character instead. Sour Shoes went into his Gary impression and said he was talking to Fred off the air and Sour wants to say a lot there and he's afraid she's going to be uncomfortable with what he says. Howard said he can respect that. Howard said she has a private life. Robin asked how old she is. Sour Shoes said she's 39. He said that's young nowadays.
Howard said congratulations on that. He said he'll find out the real story off the air. Howard said one of the guys saw Sour's penis off the air earlier. Sour said he was in and out of costumes. Howard said Derek saw it. Sour laughed. Howard asked if it was weird when he saw it. Derek said it was. He said he was doing quick changes back there. He said he dropped his pants and his underwear came down. He said he has been up to Sour's house too. He said his bedroom is like a time capsule. He said his parents are really normal and nice. He said the bedroom looks like it did when he was 9. He said he sill has the 86 Mets on the wall. Derek said he still sleeps in the same bed he did when he was a kid.
Howard said Sour must be uncomfortable in that bed. Sour Shoes said it's really comfortable. He said they got it in 1989. Sour did his impression of some commercials from back then and the new My Pillow guy too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to get him in there every day. Howard said he's not sure he could take it. The caller said he's radio gold.
Robin said they still don't know what happened when he stopped calling in for a while. Sour Shoes said he called the Clintons and he recorded it and left it on voice mails. He said he was going on and on about why she should have been on his show. He said he did his Artie Lange impression and said the wall should be built out of Mexicans. He said he did his Ferrall voice too. Howard asked if the secret service came and his parents got upset. Sour Shoes said that they didn't come to the house. Howard asked him to tell the story as Artie. Sour did the voice and told Howard what happened. He said he got a call from the Attorney General. Howard asked him what he ate last night. Sour did his Artie voice and talked about all of the food he ate last night.
Howard asked about calling the Clintons. Sour said he called their house and told them they should do the show. Howard said imagine if he used his mind in a legitimate career. He asked how many people can get Hillary Clinton's phone number. Gary said that's a lot of work to call to get Hillary Clinton's house. He said it took maybe 4000 tries to get the number. He said it was a local call so it wasn't so bad. Howard asked if his parents knew. Sour said they didn't know. He said that his parents didn't know but they had problems with their service. Howard said he can't figure out why he didn't call. Derek said he just stopped calling and he was calling in every morning.
Sour said that the months went on and on and he doesn't know why. Howard said he heard he called Mark Wahlberg too. Sour Shoes did an impression of the guy who did the men's Warehouse commercials. He said he was turned in to the Attorney General's office after calling Hillary.
Howard said Sour went to Scott's house and did his driveway sealing. Sour said he did that for free. He said he just wanted to clown around with him.
Gary said Sour called Jim McClure and asked him for Ralph's phone number. He said Jim thought he was talking to a guy who worked there and he gave him the number. Sour said he was doing Lou Pellegrino. Gary said Jim called Lou later in the day and Lou had no idea what he was talking about. Howard said Ralph told him he'd talk to Sour for hours. He said there are so many shenanigans going on he can't handle it.
Derek said that Sour will do a whole radio show as all of the characters on the show. Howard asked what that sounds like. Sour did that for a short time. Howard said it's hard to get him under control. He said it was amazing that they got him to do the Gary voice as long as he did.
Gary said he might have a picture of Amy. Howard said this can't be real. He said she's major cute. Sour asked if they can have the wedding there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she wanted to apologize to him. Howard asked for what. She said she believed the media for years and years. She said she loves his show. She said she got satellite and her boss told her to listen to Howard Stern. She said she just wanted to say she loves him. Howard said he appreciates that. He said the fake media has been against him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said there was an article out recently about traumatic brain injuries and they say that people can get into music and things like that. She said that they might want to talk to a doctor about Sour's injury. Howard asked what age he was hit. Sour Shoes said he was 17 when he got hit with the baseball. He said he doesn't think that he changed though. He said he always did impressions. He said he saw Henry Winkler when he was 3 and he did an impression of him. He said that he didn't start doing them after he was hit. Derek said that he still hangs out with all of his high school buddies and he's just one of the guys.
Howard said he couldn't hang out with him for more than one second. He said he scares him. He said he loves the guy though.
Howard asked what he left in his car that he didn't bring up there. sour said he has lettuce and cauliflower. He said that he gets it from a local farm. He said he's bringing them to a friend. Derek said that he's also a handyman around the house.
Howard said he has to thank Sour Shoes for coming in for Gary's birthday. He said he should sit with Gary and just tell him quick stories all day. Sour said his analogies are great and quick too.
Howard said he'll have to have Derek back in to talk about what he saw up at Sour's house. Sour said he's the luckiest. Howard said he really isn't. He said maybe if the stays as a 9 year old the rest of them will never get older.
Sour said that Gary said that Fred is like Harpo Marx without the horn. He thought that was funny. Sour did more of his Gary impression giving his analogies about things. Howard spent more time talking to Sour as Gary. Howard let Sour go and then did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard said next week they'll be celebrating Wack History Month with Jeff Probst hosting a special on Howard 101. He said they have a lot of Wack Pack being featured in the special all week long during Sternthology.
Howard said that Hank the Dwarf will be featured and he was one of the best Wack Packers ever. Robin said his name always comes up when they talk about the best ever. Howard said he can give a history lesson on Hank. He said he showed up at the station one day in 1996. He said he was wasted and wearing a Hawaiian lei. He said he had him right up there when he found out the was an angry, drunken dwarf. Howard played a clip from that day when he first met Hank.
Howard said Hank was kind of like that guy on Game of Thrones. He said he had a similar look to that guy. Howard said Hank was a sensation from the day he started. He said the fans loved him so much they voted him the most beautiful person according to People magazine. Howard played a clip of the day he called.
Howard said Dwyane The Rock Johnson was on the show back then and he stopped coming on. He said back then he was on the air and said he met Hank at a wrestling event and Hank told him to go fuck himself. Howard played a clip of The Rock telling that story.
Howard said Hank had high intelligence too. He said he and Beetlejuice fought a bit too. He said he thought they'd see eye to eye but when they were in the studio together they'd go at it. Howard played some audio of the two arguing on the air.
Howard said he sat them both down and told them to stop attacking each other. Howard said Hank was very quick and he had an uncanny ability to recall everything about rock and roll. He said he could answer questions even when he was passing out drunk. Howard had some audio of Hank playing against Gary in rock trivia.
Howard said that was fantastic. He said they honor Hank and all the Wack Pack next week. He said tune into Sternthology on Howard 101. He said it's Wack History Month. He played a song parody about Hank. He said he's looking forward to that special. He said he can't pick a favorite out of the Wack Pack.
Howard said Shuli is in charge of calling Underdog and making sure she's okay. He said he gets updates from him about her. He said Underdog won't talk to him unless Jimmy Kimmel is there. He said Shuli caught up with her over vacation and he falls in love with her every time he hears her. He said she steps on a needle or something. Shuli said there's always something with her. He said it goes from 0 to 100 in a second for her.
Howard played a call Shuli made to Underdog recently and she was having trouble speaking on the phone. Shuli asked Underdog how she's doing and she was talking about how she got a needle caught in her shoe when she stepped over a sewing project.
Howard said people have trouble transitioning. He said that life is one long calamity over at Underdog's place. Howard said Robin didn't make noises like that after 12 hours in surgery.
Howard had Shuli talk about the time with the seatbelt. Shuli said it sounded like a porno the way she was moaning. He said they calmed her down and the driver asked if everyone was okay. Howard said that's the noise you make when North Korea launches nukes toward us. Howard said this is the clip of her getting the seat belt on. He played a clip of her freaking out about that.
Howard played her moans again. He said that's the noise you make when something really bad is happening.
Howard said you don't hear that when the seatbelt won't go on. Shuli said he was an inch from her as she was doing that too. Robin said she can't possibly take a plane. Howard said that's the sound you make when aliens are taking over the earth. Shuli said the reason she wasn't able to find the clamp was because she was wearing a cape.
Howard said this wasn't the first sewing needle incident. Shuli said she did it when he knocked on her door too. Howard had some audio of her freaking out about that back then. She said she had to walk across the room and her sewing project fell. Howard said she got the needle stuck in her shoe back then too.
Howard said everyday is 9/11 over there. He said he's not sure why she was upset. She wasn't stuck by the needle. He asked if she was upset that it was following her. Shuli said he thinks she was upset that it was following her because the needle was stuck in her shoe. Howard said he loves her to death. He said she calls it a lavatory even in the midst of all of that angst.
Howard said that noise she made is what you make when Harvey Weinstein is harassing you. He played her freaking out sounds again.
Shuli said that she told him that the mermaid parade she does this year will be her last. He said it's too much for her. Howard said Anne Frank didn't make that noise when the Nazis found her. He and Shuli were doing impressions of her freaking out.
Howard said Shuli found out she's not going to attend the Eagles parade. He played a clip of Underdog saying that the traffic is going to be murder and she's not a fan of football. She wasn't contacted to be in the parade either. Howard said that was a crazy scene. He said he can't imagine her being out there. Shuli said the Mermaid parade is too much for her.
Howard said Underdog was upset that she didn't get on the Jimmy Kimmel show. Howard had some audio of her asking Shuli if he thinks he'll come back. She said he got her all worked up last year and she was never able to be on the program. She said if he does it in October she'd like to be on it. She said she would like to play Spectrum.
Howard said she's a sweet woman. Robin said she doesn't know that. Howard said he has backup on that. He said that she gave Shuli advice on when his daughter's teeth fall out. Howard played a clip. Underdog told Shuli to collect them and use them for a project in school. She said she didn't do that but she heard about it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the drunk who asked why his name wasn't brought up. Howard said they may have left him out of it. He said that would be funny. He said he may have told the guys to take him out. Jeff said that makes sense. Howard said this is the part where he hangs up and quits the show. Howard said they may have overlooked him.
Howard asked how Jeff is doing. Jeff said he's doing okie dokie. Howard said he's getting back to the Underdog thing. He said don't get off the phone and yell about how they forgot about him. He said he sounds kind of mellow today. Jeff said they've been having a snow storm for the past 10 days. Howard asked why he's worried about that if he doesn't work. Jeff said that's not the point. Howard said he hates the snow because he has to get to work. Jeff said he has to go shopping. Howard said that's true. He said he has all day to do that though. Shuli said it affects the person who has to pick him up and drop him off. Howard said he should like snow because everyone is joining him in their homes. Jeff said he's not keen on that Shuli guy. Howard said he does a good impression of him though. Howard asked Shuli some questions like he was Jeff.
Howard asked if Jeff is in the special or not. Gary said he's not. He said whoever put it together didn't think that he was worthy. Howard said that he's going to be in the special Bore week.
Will said he's not featured in it but he's in some of the segments. Jeff said that's a relief. Howard said he likes Jeff so don't worry. He wished him luck with the snow.
Howard said he was just wrapping up with Underdog. He said this is her likes and dislikes. Shuli said this is where you learn about her. He said he talks to her for an average of 15-20 minutes and he's never bored b it.
Howard played a clip of Underdog talking about her likes and dislikes. She doesn't like ketchup and mustard. She likes burgers without condiments. Howard said that she's like Jon Hein. He said they should go out together. Shuli said they had to get her burgers back when they'd meet her at the parades. He said that they had to get her a burger and it had to be plain. She also doesn't like swirled ice cream.
Howard said Shuli found out she loves Arby's roast beef sandwiches. Howard played a clip of her talking about that. She buys 5 roast beef sandwiches on the weekend. She said they have a special she takes advantage of. She freezes what she doesn't eat. Howard wondered how she defrosts them. He wondered what else she has in the freezer too.
Howard said he has one more. He said she talks about her favorite soap and how she lost her sense of smell years ago. Howard said she should hang out with Scott the Engineer. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to her about using Irish Spring soap. Shuli said he loves that soap too. Underdog told him she lost her sense of smell so she can't smell it anymore. Howard said he thinks she giggled because he was asking her an intimate question.
Howard said how about Shuli figuring out that she likes Irish Spring. Shuli said he guessed her favorite milk shake too. Howard said tune in next week for the Wack History special. Robin said that Underdog will be featured. Howard said Jeff the Drunk will be mentioned. He played a song parody the guys put together with Underdog singing. He said that's beautiful. He said they love Underdog. He said it's hard to say who his favorite Wack Packer is. Robin said there are to many to choose. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin stared her news with more about Stephen Hawking. Robin said they think his illness was the reason he was able to think outside the box. Howard had fake Stephen come in to talk about that. Hawking asked if Robin is stupid or something. He asked how being in a chair can make him smarter. Robin said this wasn't her theory. She said it was someone who collaborated with him. Hawking told her to shut up and take her top off. Robin read more about Hawking and fake Hawking kept asking to see her bean bags and things like that. Robin read about his marriages and divorce. She said she sees him in photos with President Obama and things like that. Robin said he really got around for a guy who was handicapped. Robin said he also died on Pi day. Howard let Hawking go after that.
Robin read a story about how pizza places are selling pizza pies for $3.14 on this day. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame celebration is shaping up. Howard said they sent him a list of activities going on around that. He said that he is gong to be there for Bon Jovi. He said he can't even read the email his agent sent to him about it. He said he's just there to to induct Bon Jovi. He said he's just going to say a few words and get out of there. Robin said there are weeks of activities going on out there. Robin said they have panel discussions and many things like that going on. Robin said they have a live stream of the red carpet going on. Howard said he dreads telling his wife because she'll want to go out and do things.
Howard read the email he got from his agent about what they'll be doing out there. He said it's up to him what he wants to do. He read the list of things that they have planned out there and he didn't want to do any of them. He took a call from the guys in the back playing the part of the organizer of the event telling him all of the things he should be doing out there.
Howard said he's going to do the red carpet so they don't think he's a complete asshole. Robin read about some more stuff going on out there like after parties and things like that. She even had some audio for Howard to play where a guy talked about the changes going on at the hall of fame.
Howard said he will say hello to the Moody Blues out there. He said Mark Knopfler too. He said he likes the Cars too. He said he went to dinner with Ric Ocasek. Gary said that this stuff is happening down the block from the hall of fame. Howard said he loves loud music and talking to strangers at parties.
Robin read about the new Scientology network and had some clips for Howard to play. Robin had a clip of David Miscavige explaining the network. He said that it's not what you expect. Howard said the guy sounds like a robot. He said he's like the robots at Disney. Howard asked if this guy is a charismatic leader. He said listen to that delivery. He asked how he's leading a cult or a religion. He said they have to work on that. Howard did an impression of the guy as if he were a robot. Robin had more clips from the network for Howard to play. Howard said he sounds like a smoker. Robin said he could have been. Robin had a bunch of clips for Howard to play from the network. Howard kept doing his impression of the robot as the clips were playing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had more Scientology network clips for Howard to play. Howard said this is really boring after hearing a few. He said someone better get in the driver seat because he's falling asleep.
Robin read a story about a dog dying on a United flight after a flight attendant told them to put the dog in the overhead bin. Robin said the airline is apologizing for this. The airline is investigating the incident. Howard said you don't lock a dog in a tiny compartment. Robin said the dog barked for 30 minutes in the bin. Howard said he probably suffocated. Robin said something happened.
Howard said he did mention that the President has let the big game trophy hunters to bring back trophies. He said he read about what they do to shoot an elephant. He said they end up shooting them right in the center of the head. He said there is no skill involved in that. He said it's just wrong to let them bring back this stuff. He said he has to make a stand and stop this. Robin said they don't know enough not to put a dog in an overhead bin. Robin said we have problems.
Robin read a story about the school protests that are going on today. Robin said that kids are going to walk out of school to get attention for school shootings. Robin said that they placed children's shoes on the lawn of the capitol building yesterday to show how many kids have been killed in shootings since 2012.
Robin read a story about a teacher who shot a gun in a public safety class in a school. Robin said at least one student was injured when debris hit him in the neck. Robin said the teacher also works as a reserve police officer. he's been suspended.
Robin read a story about Frances McDormand saying two words at the Oscars which were ''inclusion rider''' and more and more people are adopting them. Robin said that means that they would request to include diversity in the cast and crew of the movie or project. Robin said many people are jumping on this bandwagon in Hollywood. Robin said Paul Feig is saying his company is using that rider for all of their projects. Robin had more details about this movement.
Robin read a story about Cynthia Nixon considering a run for Governor in New York. Robin said they are saying that her wife has quit her city job so that may be an indication of her running for office.
Robin read a story about democrat Conor Lamb is saying he's the winner of the election he was involved in but they say it's too close to call at this point. Robin said that Lamb is declaring victory anyway.
Robin said the President went toe California yesterday and talked about space exploration and the prospect that we may need a Space Force to join the Army and Navy. Robin said he says we're going to Mars soon too. Robin had some clips of him talking about that and about North Korea. Robin said he took a few shots at Governor Jerry Brown too. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how the place is out of control and he's not doing a good job running the state.
Robin read a story about Rex Tillerson speaking on his way out of office. Robin had some audio of Tillerson talking about the work he has to do going back to his private life. Robin also had a clip of him talking about Russia. Howard said he's having a hard time seeing the numbers on the computer system. He said they're going to have to take a look at that. Robin said Trump also mentioned Russia yesterday when asked about the gas poisoning in the UK.
Robin read a story about Little Wayne not being too happy about people throwing things at the stage when he's performing. Robin said he threatened people at a concert with guns in Australia when he was nearly hit by a water bottle. Robin had some audio of him threatening to leave if they didn't stop throwing stuff.
Robin said Amy Schumer got married and she's letting everyone know that her name would be Amy Fisher if she changed her name to her husband's name. She said she's not going to be Amy Fisher. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.