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Howard and the guys were back from their winter vacation today. Howard started the show talking about how everything sounds different in the studio. Robin asked if someone was tinkering. Howard said they did a whole studio remake while they were gone. He said he runs his own equipment and it sounds different. Robin said it sounds different to her too. Howard said it is different. Robin said she can see more of him. Howard said that's the problem. He asked if she can see him now. Robin said she can see his lower body now.
Howard said they were away for 2 weeks and it occurred to him he had to return today. He said it didn't sit well with him. Robin said she figured it wasn't going to. Howard said he hates it and loves it. It's a weird thing. He said it really sounds different in there. Robin said it does to her too. Howard said they just changed the board.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening for a long time and he thinks he has a legitimate gripe. He said they only work 3 days a week and take all of this time off and it's not fair. Howard said he doesn't think it's fair that he has to work at all. He said what they do is 112 shows a year and they're 4 hours each. He said it's more than anyone else gives you. He said there's a noise in here. He asked if that was Fred. Fred said he's tapping a note to Steve. Howard said that's not it. He said he's already angry. He was going to come in a good mood but that's over.
Howard said he's not going to do more shows. He said it's enough. The caller said he doesn't do enough. Howard said he does 448 hours on the air not counting what he does off the air. The caller said they take way too much time off. Howard said he could do no shows. He hung up on the caller.
Howard said he hears a sound like a record skipping in the background. He asked if that's the new equipment. He asked if anyone else hears it. Fred said he can hear it.
Howard said he could continue the show without doing anything or take a break and try to fix this. He said it's really annoying. He said he's fixated on it. Thom came in to check it out. Howard said Thom is the guy who put this together. Thom said he's not sure what this is but he's going to try some things.
Howard said it's the 13th anniversary of Thom seeing Sal masturbating at work. He said Thom is the guy who walked in on Sal. Thom said he's lucky he didn't see him masturbating. He said they walked in and Sal was doing something at his desk. He said he was watching porn. He said Sal jumped up and ran out of the room. He said he came back like 5 minutes later and left with his stuff. Howard said it turns out he had interrupted his masturbation. Thom said he didn't see anything but he apparently did. He said he worked in theater for 20 years and he has seen people naked before. He said he would have just told him to put it away. Thom said he thinks that the guys use gloves when they go in there now. He said he doesn't think he got anything on it but that's what they do now.
Howard said Sal had to be told that's not appropriate for work. Howard asked if Thom hears the noise. Thom said he does. He said he's never heard it before. Robin asked why Howard is the one who hears it and not them when they install the equipment. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard asked if other places have problems with their writers jerking off at work. Robin said it's probably going on everywhere.
Howard asked if he can go home with this problem. He said that would be amazing. Thom figured out it was Robin's microphone. Robin said it was a nice run. Howard said he's turning Robin off for a second. He turned it off and the sound went away. Howard asked if it's coming from the microphone or her studio. Thom said it's her microphone. He said they can swap it out. He said they can swap her into a new fader. Thom said he can do it during a break or just try it now. Howard told him to go for it. He turned Robin off.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn but she wasn't here. Howard said this new equipment is really fucked up. Thom said they're off. Howard had Mariann on the air a second later. Mariann said in the paper she saw that Imus wants to do an interview on his show. Howard said over the break... they have so many things to talk about. He said he told Robin he would like to do an interview with Imus and Imus said on his show he'd like to come in. He said Gary is working on it. He asked if he has been in touch yet. Gary said he has been communicating with someone in the office. Mariann said that's going to be insane. Howard said he wants to ride the Sybian.
Mariann said she didn't get a ticket to Letterman but a fan might take her. Howard played her off with some music.
Howard did a live commercial read since Robin's microphone was the problem. He went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from a guy who said he wouldn't get too freaked out by it because they don't hear it. Howard said it's hard to ignore there. He said it's loud with them. The caller said their equipment gets all botched up. Howard said they switched it all out to modernize and now they have a problem with Robin's microphone. He said it's like Chinese water torture. He said they may not hear it but they hear it in the studio. He said it's over and over again.
Howard said he's not sure what to do. Thom said they can put Robin on a hand held microphone. Howard said they're just going to muscle through this. He said they'll get through it together and just keep going. He said people say it's hard to do an entertaining show but he can do it even with obstacles to jump over. Howard said they can do a whole show of fixing things with Thom. He said get rid of the ''H'' in his name too. He said that will make things simple.
Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said this isn't the show he envisioned. Howard said he's going to start with the death of Billy Graham. He said he hated looking at the reports about this guy being great. He said Billy Graham was a scum bag. He said this fucking guy was a friend to all the presidents but he was Anti-Semitic. He said he was taped with Nixon and they were shooting the shit and Graham was talking about the Jews being great friends and they swarm around him. He said Billy was saying they were friendly to him because he's friendly to Israel but they don't know what he really thinks of them. He said Nixon loved it. Howard said Billy hated gays and gay marriage. He said he was reading an article about a gay kid who went to see Graham and wanted to get answers in life and Billy got up and started talking about eternal damnation for gays. He said he was also for the Vietnam war. He said Harry Truman was president and he knew what Billy was up to. He said Truman said he just wanted his name in the paper. He said he was a huckster who wanted his name out there. He said Nixon loved the guy though. He said Nixon said that the media is run by the Jews and Graham said the country is going to go down the drain because of that.
Howard said this is what they were busy talking about in the White House. He said thank god that Watergate happened and they never found out what their plans were for the Jews. He said Graham sad he didn't remember saying that and apologized for it. He asked who takes this guy seriously.
Robin said she saw lines and lines of people going to see his body. Howard said go see the Vietnam memorial. He said he's glad that he's gone. He said don't reinvent history.
Howard said he's sorry but he goes by what he reads and it's not a stellar resume. Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves the show and listens every day. He said he doesn't agree with him about Billy Graham. Howard said he's been reading about the shitty nonsense he put out there. The caller said he sold out stadiums and stuff. Howard said so did Hitler. He said just because they sell out a crowd doesn't mean they're a great guy. The caller said it was a lot of people who were into him. Howard said he was spewing that bullshit about the Jews. The caller said read the bible please. Robin asked why everyone is so scared of everyone. The caller said you should fear god. Robin said she's not even talking about that, asshole.
Howard said Pat Robertson wants to say a few words. He went into his impression of Pat and said he needs to hear his voice to get into it better. Howard said all of these guys who take money and preach are all fucking crazy. He said the people who go to them are crazy. Howard said he'd beat off for Billy if he walked the walk.
Howard played a clip of Pat Robertson so he could get that impression right. Howard went into his impression after a few seconds and started talking about other religious guys like Billy Graham. He said he was so good that he once sent him money. He said he's full of shit but he believes that guy's bullshit. He said that's an amazing accomplishment. Robin said it is. Howard's Pat was talking about Joel Osteen and how that sounds like a Jewish name. He said it's very Jewy sounding. Robin said it could be. ''Pat'' was saying he's seen this guy and he's not that crafty. He said he doesn't get in there and attack the homos. He said everyone loves to feel superior in some way. He said Osteen sounds too Jewy to him. He said maybe someone in his family was a money lender if you know what he means. Pat was talking about how old he's getting and called Robin a Jew for saying he really is old.
Howard and Robin kept going with that impression for a few minutes. Howard had Pat talking about watching the news and blaming the Hebes for killing Christ instead of going out with a tiki torch to protest. He had Pat talking about who is going to take over reminding people to push the homos down the stairs. Robin said maybe Mike Pence can take over. ''Pat'' said he's a pussy. He said he's grooming his son to take over. He said he wants his son to get up there and tell people to grab a homo and throw them off the roof. Robin said she hopes there is no more room for people like him once he's gone.
Pat was talking about how ridiculous he's going to feel if Ganesha is actually god. He said he's trying to make a point about how he can't be friends with an elephant. Robin said they even think a cow is sacred. Pat was talking about how their religion is based on reality. Robin asked if they day that Mary conceived without being impregnated. Robin asked how that happened. Pat asked if she's ever heard of a Jewish carpenter. Robin said there must have been some.
''Pat'' was talking about how he can't pray to a black guy either. He said he would rather pray to an elephant. He said they need people like Billy Graham and Pat Robertson. Robin asked if he would like to spend eternity with someone like himself. Pat was still talking about Ganesha and the elephant trunk. Robin said it's not an elephant. Pat said it has a trunk though.
''Pat'' said that you know God is a white guy. Robin asked if he is a white guy why should everyone worship him. Pat asked if Ganesha hates the Jews. Robin said she's never asked. Pat said that God is white just like Santa Claus. Robin asked if God is only the god of white people. Pat said he loves everyone. He said he used to pray to Kenny Rogers thinking he was god. He said God is an old white man with a great physique.
Pat said he was waiting to hear that he's the oldest prick in humanity and now he knows that's what he is. He said Billy was in hiding. He said he didn't want people to see him. Pat said please don't pray to Ganesha. Robin said he still looks good. Howard said this is bestiality at its worst.
Howard said his Pat was pretty good. He said he had to listen to him to get back into it. He thanked Pat for his eulogy for Billy Graham.
Gary said Brent said his mother took him to see Billy Graham when he was a kid. He said it was frightening and boring at the same time. Howard said that's what they do.
Howard took a call from a guy who said all he can say is thank the imaginary god that Howard has the balls to do this. He said he's a die hard atheist. Howard said he's really not. He said he's playing both ends of the stick. The caller said he thinks Howard is an Atheist. Howard said he doesn't find it nice that this guy talks about the Jews the way he did. He said it's the same with the gay thing. He asked how he laid his head on a pillow at night. The caller said Howard has the courage to tell it the way it is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he's a hypocrite. He said his mother didn't teach him better manners than that. He said he should be ashamed of himself. Howard said this is an actor and this is fake news. The caller said he's making fun of dead people. He said he should be ashamed of himself. He has no morals at all. The caller said he never attacked the Jews. Howard said the have it on tape. He said he didn't make that up. He hung up on the caller.
Howard said there are a lot of dead people they should talk badly about. He said don't worship people who hate like that. He said people who raise money in the name of religion should be holy people. Howard said there are a lot of dead people who they should talk bad about. He said they're evil people. Robin said the dead stay dead when you talk about them.
Howard said there's an article in Rolling Stone about Billy Graham and he read that and figured he wasn't a good person.
Howard asked if she was out of her mind. She was giving every detail about listening since she was a kid. Howard did an impression of her giving every little detail about listening.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is fantastic. He asked if Howard does selfies on the street. Howard said no. He said he doesn't like the way he looks so he won't do it. The caller said he looks good to him and he's a good guy. Howard hung up on the guy because he was on an airplane with noise in the background. Howard said get off the plane.
Howard said he despises the way he looks and he won't do selfies. He said he can't stomach it. He said he did one in a restaurant over vacation. He said he was sitting next to Nikki Haley and she leaned over and introduced herself. Howard said she was very nice. He said she's a good looking woman and she was a governor and now an ambassador to the United Nations. Howard said he asked his wife if he was friendly enough. Howard said she said he was. He said what she's done is amazing so he should have said something to her about that. He said he didn't know anything politically about her. He said he just knows she's part of the Trump administration. He said he said to her it was nice to meet her and then she asked for a selfie. He said he was looking horrible though. He said he didn't say no to her. Robin said he could have said no. Howard said he just didn't do it and he took the selfie. He said he sat there with her. He said Beth said that he looked miserable. He said he just doesn't like the way he looks.
Howard said his hair was freaked out because he had just gotten a hair cut that day. He said it didn't look good.
Howard said he has some connection to Chris Cornell. He said he was always into the guy and now he's obsessed. He said he can't let go of this guy. He said he was listening to his music over vacation. He said he loved this version of ''Black Hole Sun'' that he did acoustically. He said Fred is on top of that. He was playing the song for him. Howard said just listen to this angel. Howard said now he gets what ''Black Hole Sun'' is about. He said for people who live in a dark place it's hard to get rid of that black hole inside of you. He said just listen to this song. He listened to more of it and explained to Robin that it's about getting that black hole inside of you to get some sun so it can wash away the rain. Robin said that doesn't make sense. She said a black hole doesn't work with the sun. Howard said that's what it means to him.
Howard said he was listening to some other music like ''Outshined.'' Howard asked if Fred has that. Fred didn't have it. Gary told him where it was. Howard got the song and played some of that. He said he had a whole thing with Chris over vacation. Robin said she saw a picture on Facebook and Beth had posted a picture with his hand in it. Howard said she likes to make cat videos and he asked her not to photograph his face. He said you'll see his hand and other parts of him. He said it's like Charlie Brown's parents that you never see.
Howard took a call from Apples who said fuck all of the complaining people this morning. Howard said he doesn't like people who complain. Apples phone connection was awful so he asked him to hurry up. Apples said he saw the painting of Howard's that Beth posted. Howard said he made her a painting of Walter their cat and he made it for Valentine's day. He said Beth wanted to post it on Instagram. He said he asked to keep it private. He said Beth said it was beautiful and people should see it. Howard said they got into a thing with it and then he figured that he should let her post it. He said Walter was looking at the painting so they took a picture of that.
Howard said Beth got 25,000 likes for the painting. He said that they really liked it. Robin said she's not sure if she liked it. Apples said he just thought he was a rich guy fucking around but he has a talent there. Howard said that painting took him a month just to draw it in pencil. He said under the paint is the pencil drawing. He said you have to make the cat look right. He said he gets frustrated doing that. He said it took a long time. He said then he had to put color to it. He said it took him maybe 3 or 4 months. Apples said he could raffle that off. Howard said he gave it to Beth as a gift. He said he's not raffling it off. He said he's not Davinci. He said he made it for Beth. He said he loves Walter the cat.
Robin said Mary Dell'Abate did a painting of onions that's beautiful. Howard said he's afraid that Gary is going to eat those and kill her with his breath. He said he told Gary to paint them so he'll stop eating them. He said he loves her work.
Apples asked how many finished paintings Howard has. Howard said that size is big. He said he's done 2 or 3 big ones. He said he likes doing small ones. He said he has a bunch of those. Apples asked if he has one started now that he's working on. Howard said he is and he started it a year ago. He said he works on a bunch at one time.
Robin asked how Howard decides to paint or sketch. Howard said he wanted to do it this morning but he had to work. He said he can't do it when he's home because he's too tired. Robin asked when he decides he's going to paint it. Howard said that's what he was working on all week. He said he was trying to figure out when you make it a whole painting. He said it's all based on your mood. Robin said some days you don't feel like painting. Howard said that's right. He said he will do a pencil sketch and then paint it eventually. Robin asked if he ever starts over. Howard said he will develop the sketch. He said he's always trying to figure out how to make it right.
Apples asked if he has a special studio where he plays music and puts on an apron. Howard said no apron but he does listen to music. He said he sometimes can't rip himself away from the work to play music though. He said he doesn't want to break the concentration. Apples asked if he sticks his tongue out and paints like that. Howard said he has his own way of painting.
Howard said he wants to buy a painting by this Boudin guy. He said he's not interested in new work. He said he never leaves his house so this is what he thinks about. He said yesterday he had to leave just to get something to eat. Apples asked if he had to jerk off a lot over vacation. Howard said that Beth was very into satisfying his needs so he didn't have to jerk off much over vacation.
Apples asked if he has ever painted Beth. Howard said he hasn't. Robin asked if he liked the Obama painting. Howard said he liked it. He said it was different. He said they took a risk in a way.
Howard said this woman Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas got hammered for her performance of the National Anthem. Howard said she tried something different and she got slammed. Robin said it wasn't that great. Howard said it was fun though. He said it wasn't that bad. He said Marvin Gaye did a National Anthem thing in 1983 or so and everyone hated it at the time. He said now they say it's great. Howard played some of the performance from back then. Robin said at least he could sing. Howard said Fergie came out and did this. He played some of her singing. Howard did an impression of the announcer who had a really deep voice. Howard said he can't even get his voice that low. He tried it with his harmonizer. It wasn't quite as deep.
Howard played more of Fergie's performance and said it wasn't so bad. He said don't bust her fucking balls. Robin said don't ask her to sing like that anymore. Howard said it's not that bad.
Howard said he knows Robin is a great singer. He played some of Robin singing the National Anthem. Howard did his announcer voice talking about her doing that. Robin asked if that was her or Fergie.
Howard asked who that announcer is. JD said that's Lawrence Tander. Howard was still doing his impression of the guy. Howard asked why they have to say where Fergie is from. Robin said she's not sure. Robin said maybe he's used to giving the weather and announcing where it is.
Howard said he doesn't think she did so bad. Apples asked if Howard has ever seen a painting and asked ''What the fuck is this guy doing.'' Howard said he hasn't. He said he doesn't think he's that good that he can do that to other paintings.
Apples said that Nikki Haley really is hot. He said she was their governor during a hurricane. He said she's good. Howard spent a little more time with Apples before letting him go.
Howard said Nikki should go to the UN in a lingerie. He said that might calm people down. Howard said they have to take a break. He said he has more to review about their vacation. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. Robin thought it was Rage against the Machine. Howard said that's not right. Gary said the lead singer of this band is a big fan of the show. Howard said this song was released in 1988. He said that's amazing. He asked why they never had another hit. Fred said he's not sure. Gary said they were on the Beatles special they did. Howard said he knows that.
Howard said he has a lot of email they got while they were on vacation. He said he had so much wonderful email about the David Bowie special. He said you can hear that again this Friday and Saturday on Howard 101. He said they got incredible feedback about it. Robin said she wasn't able to get Sirius that night. She said for whatever reason her system wasn't connecting. Howard said she should have called customer service. He said he's sure they would have helped. Howard did his Indian guy voice and tried to help her out with her problem. He was telling her to cut wires and stuff like that.
Howard said they got a lot of great feedback about the Bowie special. He played some of Daryl Hall's cover of ''Fame.'' He said he loves this. He played some of Todd Rundgren's ''Life on Mars'' cover. He said Robin missed this. He said that Lisa Loeb did ''All the Young Dudes.'' He played some of that too. He was singing along with it a bit too.
Howard said he has Garbage doing ''Starman.'' He said it's wonderful tunes. He thanked everyone for their wonderful emails. He said hopefully Robin will have her Sirius working by this Friday.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that special was amazing. He said Greta Van Fleet did a great cover of ''The Jean Genie.'' Howard played some of that.
Howard said he got some email about the Ronnie getting fucked in the ass by a dildo thing. Howard said Stephen Colbert is coming in this week. He said so is Jennifer Lawrence. He said she has a new movie coming out called ''Red Sparrow'' that's fucking awesome. Robin said she's excited about it. Howard said she's a spy who goes to whore school to learn how to seduce people. Howard said he's writing a play called ''Whore School.'' Robin asked how he has the time to write all of this.
Howard said Jennifer Lawrence has to learn how to blow a guy even if you're repulsed by a guy. Howard said that's what he's sending Fred off to. Robin said she loves all of these movies where women beat guys up. Robin said that seduction is the woman's power. Howard said Ronnie has that power too.
Howard said the number one question was about what he thinks about Ronnie getting fucked in the ass by a dildo. Howard asked how many times you think Ronnie tweeted during their 16 days off. Robin said she's going to say 58. Howard said come on. He said try again. Robin said that's low. She said she'll try again with 80. Howard told Gary or Jason to tell her. Jason said it was 216 times. Howard said that's Ronnie. He said he had to share his thoughts that many times. Howard asked if there was anything interesting. Jason said he was with Stephanie and he was getting a lot of shit about people thinking that was his grandchild. Howard said 216 times is every thought he had. Jason said he had one day where he didn't tweet anything. Howard asked Ronnie why he didn't do anything on that one day.
Ronnie came in and said he's not sure why he didn't tweet on that one day. He said they also don't know about his direct messages. He said he answers a lot of questions from the fans every day. Howard asked what they ask about. Ronnie said that they ask if the show is on. He said he stopped answering those. Ronnie said he tells people to tune in to find out now. He said he may have been messaging on the 13th but not tweeting.
Howard asked Ronnie what he tells people when they ask about his young fiancee. Ronnie said they just like an answer. He said they get off on getting you to respond. He said he has a guy who he answered this morning. He said some guy wrote something about coming up and busting his ass. He said he isn't sure where that shit comes from. Howard said he should embrace the young kid thing and just post pictures making out with her.
Ronnie said they were in Florida and people were saying it looked like his granddaughter. Howard said it's not that original.
Howard asked about smashing some woman's face into a cake. Ronnie said they were at a restaurant and he asked to take a picture with him. He said they sat down to eat and in the middle of dinner the guy came over and asked him to come over for this girl's birthday. He said they had a cock and balls cake for her. Howard asked how he finds these people. Ronnie said they found him. Ronnie said this cake was huge. He said it was cock and balls. He said they asked him to come over to take a picture with the girl. Ronnie said he was lucky he was loaded. He said he went over and said happy birthday to her. He said he whacked the whipped cream on the balls into her face. He said she loved it. Howard said she loved it. Ronnie said she did. Ronnie said he walked away after that.
Ronnie said he had a busy vacation. He said he was in a TV show. He said he did this thing where he was the passenger in a limo. He said he had some lines. Ronnie said this was for ID Discovery. He said this girl comes over to him and she's got a tank top on without a bra on. He said she comes over to him and asks if he's Mr. Mundt. He said he's using that name again. Howard said he always plays the same guy. Ronnie said he does. He said she comes over and says she's his limo driver. He said then they get in the limo. He said she says to him she has a bar back there. He said he was supposed to be loaded already. He said he thanks her for the offer. He said she says she's been driving 3 years and he asks what she does if she gets a flat. She said she takes it off and then fixes it. Ronnie said her last line was about how a rear tire just blew out so she better pull over.
Howard asked if she shoved a dildo up his ass. Ronnie said he wishes she did. He said she was hot. Howard asked how many takes it was. Ronnie said he did good. He said they had just one camera here. He said they had no make up or hair people. He said you come the way you are. He said it's low budget stuff. He said they have a lot of viewers though.
Howard asked if wore his own wardrobe. Ronnie said he did. He said the shoot didn't take long at all. He said he was home by quarter to six. Howard said he's like Ronnie Depp. He said he has to see this show.
Howard said there's a term for a guy getting fucked in the ass. He said they call it getting ''pegged.'' Ronnie said that's right. Howard said Ronnie was talking about getting the dildo in his ass. He read some email about that.
Howard said he meant to ask how big that dildo is and how long it was in there. Ronnie said that it was slow and easy and it didn't feel good. He said a finger feels better. Howard said Ronnie's mom is there to defend him taking it in the ass. Howard had his mom come in. One of the guys from the back office came in to do the voice. She was wearing a robe like an old woman. Ronnie said his mom really did wear one like that.
Ronnie's mom was talking about her son taking it in the ass and Howard must have had that with Beth. Howard said he's never done that. Mrs. Mund was talking about how she gave it to Ronnie's dad with a strap on. She had a strap on with her. Howard said wait until people see this. Howard asked how Ronnie leaned to take it in the ass. Mrs. Mund said he's part of the family. Howard said that dildo is very veiny. Ronnie said that thing isn't six inches. Howard said it's more like 15. Ronnie said he wouldn't take that one.
Howard asked if Mrs. Mund has ever had Ronnie watch her doing this stuff. Mrs. Mund said he was always watching. Howard said they have a similar sound to their voices. Mrs. Mund said they do. She yelled out ''Sixty Nine'' like Ronnie does. She said that all of the Mund men are into this. She said Ronnie has a gifted asshole.
Mrs. Mund was talking about how she taught Ronnie to play catch with his ass. She said that she also pegged Mr. Mund with a soup can. She said the family crest was a big strap on. Howard asked if she ever wore one to the PTA meetings. She said she did. She said it's like getting dressed every day. She said you just put it on after your Spanx.
Howard said her dildo has a mind of its own. He said it's like a baseball bat. Howard asked if she has more stories to share. Mrs. Mund did an eenie meenie minie moe thing with he dildo. She also asked for a hug from Ronnie before she left. She said she used to find missing things in Ronnie's ass. She said things around the house would go missing and he's shove them up his ass. Howard spent a little more time with Mrs. Mund before letting her go.
Howard said that Ronnie's mom is a delight. He said he sees where he got his personality. Howard read more email about Ronnie. He had a bunch about the stuff going in his ass. Howard said they have some tape of Ronnie getting pegged too. He played a clip the guys edited together with a porn star and Ronnie clips.
Howard said they had songs too. He played some of those parodies about Ronnie taking things in his ass.
Howard said he's glad that Ronnie is there. He said he thought he was going to take shit for it but he doesn't care. Ronnie said he doesn't care. Howard let Ronnie go and said he's still not sure how long that dildo was in his ass. Ronnie said it was maybe a minute or two. Howard asked if it was all the way in. Ronnie said it wasn't that big like the one his mom was wearing. He said he's not sure if it was all the way in either.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he would never hurt Ronnie maliciously. Ronnie told him to shut up and asked to tell this story. He said that Bobo posted this picture that he posted from down in Florida. Bobo said it was a picture of Shuli, Scott and Stephanie and said it's a big Florida family. He said he wasn't being malicious. Ronnie said he told him not to get involved with him. He said he has his shit to deal with him on the track. Bobo said he wasn't being malicious. Bobo said he sent Ronnie some pictures and he got angry about that. He said he's so angry and he's not sure why. He said it doesn't make sense.
Ronnie asked what happened. JD said his grandmother is dying and he had to put things on hold just in case she died. He was laughing as he told the story. Howard asked why he's laughing. JD said that this is a comedy show and it's not that funny.
Howard said he heard he went out to diner instead of going to Florida. JD said he went to the Nomad. He said he had duck. Howard said that poor duck. He said JD at the duck. He said he'd throw up if he had to eat a duck. He said his father used to eat duck. He did an impression of his dad for a short time.
Howard asked JD how he orders. JD said he just says he'd like the duck. Robin asked if he had a starter. JD said he had something with carrots. Howard did an impression of JD ordering. JD said he had wine too. Howard said this girl really upgraded JD. He said he's having a fancy meal at this place. JD said they had wine and his fiancee had pig. Howard said that poor thing. He was goofing on JD about his ordering and all of that. He had him ordering a duck, pig, dog and more.
Howard said it's like an animal holocaust over there. He did more of JD laughing as he talked about his grandmother dying.
Ronnie said his grandmother was sick and dying but he didn't go visit her. JD said it's a long story and he doesn't want to get into it. Howard said he went to a restaurant instead. Howard said he probably wanted to be near by. Ronnie said she's in Ohio. Howard said he could have gone to Florida. Howard asked why he didn't go to Ohio. JD said they canceled the trip in case they had to use the money to go to Ohio. He said she hasn't known who he is for the past few years now. Robin said she's like everyone else in the family. JD didn't sound too happy about that comment.
Howard said he's sorry about his grandma. Ronnie said that he would have gone out to say goodbye. JD said forget it. He said he'll tell him off the air. Howard said it's hard to say goodbye.
Howard said she heard JD went to another fancy restaurant over the weekend. JD said that one is a French place in their neighborhood. Howard asked what that one is. JD said he's not sure. He said he just knows where it's at. Ronnie said JD wanted him and Jon to go there and they were like no way.
Howard asked if JD had duck there too. JD said he had a antelope burger. Howard said what's up with him. He asked what that is. The guys said it's bigger than a deer. Howard said that's gross. He asked what his fiancee got. JD didn't remember. He said he's not sure. Howard said she ad the elk hotdog. Howard and the guys were all making up stuff she could have had. JD said she had quail. Howard said he's going to throw up. He asked what's up with the exotic animals being eaten. JD said he was interested in trying it. He said it was there so he did.
Gary said they say they have a wild game menu there. Howard said that's so gross. He continued to goof on JD making up more exotic animals he could have eaten. Howard asked who the fuck eats an antelope?
Ronnie said he's afraid to ask about dessert. Howard asked how many breaks he has. Fred said he has a few. Howard kept going making fun of JD and the exotic animals he was eating. Howard said he has the menu. He was reading what they have on there like venison and wild boar for appetizers. Howard was asking what kind of wine he should have with antelope rigatoni.
Robin asked what else is on the menu. Ronnie asked what's on the side menu. Howard asked who cares. He said JD is really branching out. He said JD is happy going out to any of these places. JD said he's not the only one eating them. Howard said he can't picture him eating that stuff. He said he'd just threw up. He said he doesn't want to eat an antelope. Ronnie said he used to eat that shit. Howard said JD is single handedly ruining the ecosystem.
Ronnie said his mother used to make venison meatballs. He said his girlfriend or his wife ate it and when she found out she went into the bathroom to get rid of it. He said they had all of that shit in his house. He said his dad was a hunter. He said he never got one himself. He said his dad would have it butchered and they'd bring home packages of meat.
Howard said he wants to know what's up with this. He said when they went on vacation he was wondering about JD and what he eats. He said he watches him eat out there in his office. He said he was saying at Thanksgiving he eats just one thing at a time. He asked if he does that when he goes out. JD said he does. Howard said on Thanksgiving he thinks you mix things up. He asked if he ever puts cranberry on turkey. JD said he's not into cranberry sauce. He said sometimes gravy but not usually.
Howard asked if he ever mixes it up. JD said no. Howard said he studies JD like he's Jane Goodall. He said he doesn't ever mix. JD said he doesn't mix but he might go from turkey to mashed potatoes but he usually does one thing at a time. He said he's not a big gravy person anyway.
Howard asked JD if he has a big antelope in front of him what odes he have on the side. JD said he has the antelope and then some fries. Howard asked when he started eating like this. JD said he's been eating like this as far back as he remembers.
Howard said he feels this is like autism. JD said he doesn't know. Ronnie said he's had rattlesnake. JD said he's not sure if he'd try that.
Howard said in Sweden they made a law to stop [people from putting a lobster in boiling water. He said they even say if you have a cat you have to have a second cat. He said they say there's something more humane for killing the lobster.
Howard said he's seen an animal butchered. Ronnie said he has too. Howard said it's fucked up when you see a chicken get its head cut off. He said they run around like they're the Walking Dead. Ronnie said he's seen a deer cut up. Howard said he couldn't kill anything. Robin said he's killed bugs. Howard said they're out to get us so of course. Howard played another Ronnie song parody after that.
Howard asked Ronnie if he got to everything. He said the dildo thing got to him. He said it shook him. He said he was talking to some of the guys about it and they were all taken by it. He said some of his buddies who don't know him were talking about it. He said that they agree it was kind of gay. Ronnie said it was a girl doing it though. He said it's not a guy's cock. Howard said it's something going in your ass for pleasure though. Ronnie asked what the difference is between that and a girl's finger going in there. Howard said he has a problem with that too.
Howard said he must be old fashioned. Robin said they do eat horse in Sweden. Howard said Robin is still on that. He asked if the dildo was curved. Ronnie said no. Howard said it's blowing his mind. Ronnie said it doesn't bother him. He said you have to work at it and you can't just shove it in.
Howard asked if Ronnie has ever tried anal and wasn't able to get in. Ronnie said he did and he got it in part way. He said it felt so good that he came though. Howard asked if that dildo was clean. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said he'd want to know.
Howard asked if Fred would want that done to him. Fred said he doesn't think so. He said he doesn't like the prostate check. Ronnie said it's a different thing with a chick. Howard asked if Ronnie likes being fucked slow and gentle or hard and fast. Ronnie laughed.
Gary said the thing Ronnie took is much bigger than a finger. Ronnie said it takes time. He said he never thought about shit coming out either. Gary asked if he had an urge to pee. Ronnie said no. Howard asked if he felt tearing in the ass. Ronnie said no as far as he can remember.
Howard asked if he'd recommend it for other guys. Ronnie said he thinks other guys do it and don't admit to it. Howard asked who he thinks takes it in the ass. Fred did his Ronnie impression and said Thom. Howard said Thom thinks about radio. Ronnie said he can see Sal and Richard trying it. Howard said he can see that too. He said a lot of gay men won't take things in their ass.
Ronnie said he knows one guy who takes it in the ass. He won't say who it is. He said he thinks that Jon Hein might be experimental. He said he thinks that he'd give it a try.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that most of the guys who work there have gotten chicks because of their celebrity. She said that even Howard maybe. She said he deserves it though. She said they have met JD's girl and the listeners don't know that much about her. She asked what redeeming quality she finds in JD. Ronnie said JD is a good dude. The caller said it seems like JD does things that would turn a woman off. Howard said he gets that. He said JD doesn't like to talk much so he'd worry about that. JD told him he doesn't have to worry about it.
Howard said this girl saw a diamond in the rough. The caller said she's known guys like JD who are filthy like he was with his sheets. Howard said he knows what that can be like. He said he knew guys who never thought about cleaning up.
Ronnie said he's never seen JD's apartment. Howard said it probably looks fine now that he has a fiancee.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has a lot to talk about. Ronnie said he never finished the Imus thing. Howard said he thinks he might come in there. He said it might be interesting.
Howard said Colin Quinn had a heart attack over vacation too. He said he doesn't know how to get a hold of the guy. He said he's seen him at dinner parties and Colin acts like he doesn't know him. He said he'll just said ''Oh hello.''
Robin read about Colin's heart attack and how he's starting a list of people who didn't contact him after his heart attack. Howard said he's doing it on the air. He said Kevin Smith had a massive heart attack too. He said he had him to his apartment once. Gary said he got mad at them over something. He said he would call the show and he felt disrespected so he stopped calling. Howard said he's trying to do an entertaining show so sorry about that. Robin said he had a 100 percent blocked artery and he went to the hospital just in time. Howard said he should take a break and talk about Mike. He said he's not going to. Then he changed his mind again and went to break.
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Howard said they had a ton of great drops from Mike because he made up his sounds as he read the stories. Howard had he has a bunch to play. He played a bunch of his classic lines that they used to play on the show all the time.
Howard said Mike used to be on the remote microphone and sometimes he'd do weird shit while he was waiting to come on. He said once he was playing the conga. He said he was in his home playing it. He played a clip of Mike playing them. Robin said he was very unusual.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to play when he busted him blowing that big fart. Howard said he was getting to that. He said he should do that now.
Howard said while Mike was waiting to get on the air he farted. He said he tried to deny it but he eventually admitted it was real. Howard said this is Mike farting into the microphone allegedly. Howard played the clip from when he played it for Mike and Artie Lange was laughing his ass off at it.
Howard said that was Artie being tickled by that. Howard asked Richard if he's the one who found it. Gary said the story about how he found it was awesome. Richard came in and said that their audio program they use is wave forms. He said you can see activity. He said he'd go through the whole file of Mike to see what was going on. He said he saw this large wave form bounce in the audio. He said he figured he fell out of his chair or dropped something. He said he found the fart and thought it was the greatest thing ever. He said he was so happy when he found it.
Howard played the fart clip again where he played it for Mike and Mike didn't confirm or deny it. Mike just said ''How do I know?''
Richard said they found what they thought was Al Michaels farting on the air and you can't tell but this one you can tell. He said it was epic.
Howard said Mike got mad at him over that. Gary said he got over it quickly. Howard said he had to play it. He said they put it in songs and stuff. He played some of the songs they put the fart in. They did it with a bunch of songs.
Howard said it was like his colon was exploding. He said he's never heard a sound like that from a human being. Howard said Rest in peace mike. He said he was part of the show for 14 years. Howard said he has a 21 gun salute to Mike. He played the clip which was 21 of his farts in a row. He said that's enough of that after about 10.
Howard said they called a sex line and had Mike doing a sheep impression. He said the woman on the phone was transsexual and he asked him to be a sheep with him. He played the call after explaining it. Howard said he felt so bad for this woman. He asked what do you do with that?
Howard said what a tribute. Robin said no one remembers him like this. Howard said no one. He said Mike was a good dude. He said goodbye to Mike and played him off with another song featuring Mike's fart.
Howard said god bless Mike and his family. He thanked him for his contribution to the show. He said it's weird that Mike is gone. He said everything is weird. Robin said Howard is the one who is being bothered by this. Howard said he doesn't like everyone dying.
Howard said he was shocked by this. He said it's awful. Robin said he might need a CPAP machine. Howard said he doesn't need that. He said he can't stop making noise. He said that he did stop for a moment but then it started back up again. He said Beth recorded that too. He played more of his snoring. He said Beth gets up and goes to another room to sleep after that.
Howard said he tries sleeping on his side but it still happens. He said it freaks him out that he has no control over this. He said he has a personality that he can't control when he's sleeping. He said it freaks him out.
Howard said that woman looks like an angel and she's good to him. He said she did screw up yesterday though. He said she forgot his dinner. He said he packs dinner to bring to the city and he didn't ask her this time and she forgot. He said he was seething inside but he told her it was okay. He said he had to go out in the rain to get something to eat. He said he went to the Gourmet Garage. He said it was pretty fucking good. He got the vegetarian chili and it was good. He said he got change when he paid for it and he didn't know what to do with it. He said he has two pennies he's not sure what to do with. He said it's ridiculous. He said they should round it all off. Robin said she likes to use change now. Howard said he has a can full of change. Robin said she pays with exact change when she can.
Howard said he went to Gourmet Garage and he liked it. He said Beth felt so bad about forgetting his meal. He said he was being nice about it but inside he was upset. He said he was so ready for that meal. He said he can get crazy. He doesn't eat between meals so he can get cuckoo from it. He said he ate at 3:30 and that was his dinner. He said he likes to eat alone. He said it's disgusting to watch him eat. He said it ends up in his lap. He said he just wants to get it over with.
Howard said he has to do that Letterman thing this week. He said he knows he's going to look like shit.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said it's so dark in there that he shouldn't worry about how he looks. Howard said he should watch some of those shows. He said he shouldn't have to worry about anything. Mariann said that Wendy Williams has Graves disease. Fred started to play her off. Howard said he missed one day of work and Wendy went off on him and now she's missing work. Mariann said that she got her ticket to the Letterman thing from a fan. She said she didn't get a ticket when she applied for one. Howard had Fred play her off. He said he's so irritated that he has to go do that taping. He said they don't tape until 5. He said he just burns out by that time. He said he was in bed by 6 last night. He said he was on Facetime with his daughter last night and he was getting ready to go to bed and she hadn't even had dinner yet.
Howard said he likes Dave but he has to do an hour and a half of talking. He said then some other thing they want him to do. He said he's not doing anything else. He said it's enough with the interview.
Howard said that's happening Thursday. He said he doesn't want to do anything. He said he's doing it for Dave because Dave is a good dude. He said they needed him in Private Parts and Dave did it. He said he was good too. He said he always has an affection for Dave. He said he put him on national television when he wasn't known nationally. He said it was a boost. He said that had to have helped the syndication.
Howard said if Dave wants him to do the interview then he's going to do it. Robin said Dave said he's only doing six shows and he's only doing it with people he admires. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Robin said Howard doesn't want to think anything nice about himself.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves him so much by why does he bum out so much? He said just enjoy this. Howard said here are very few things he enjoys. He said he likes being in a room alone. The caller said he knows that but he's so great at interviewing and he gets to do this stuff of dreams. He said he gets one on one time with this great entertainer and he gets to shoot the shit. Howard said he doesn't know if it's going to go well. He said that he has to make the audience laugh. The caller said he should enjoy it. Howard hung up and said this guy doesn't get it.
Howard said that's happening Thursday. He said they gave tickets away in some sort of lottery. Gary said they were trying to figure that out and they had no idea how they were doing it. Howard said he's happy they're doing it in New York. He said he was supposed to go to Indiana. He said he's not going to Indiana. He said he doesn't want to get on a plane for an interview.
Howard said he should do a live break here. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said go there and get tickets if you're a fan. He said if you want to waste a couple of hours then come out. He said he should watch the show but he doesn't know. Robin said it's a conversation so it's nice. Howard said he planned out stuff for his TV show. He said he's not doing that anymore.
Howard said the web site does free tickets for shows. Fred said they do Colbert too. Howard said they must get paid to do that. He said he's not sure why he has an audience. He said he likes working without one.
Howard said they should really do some news here. He played her into her news with a song parody.
Howard said a lot of stuff happened while they were off. Robin said there's a story about Quincy Jones that's making the rounds. Howard said he's 84 and he doesn't care what he says. Howard said he gave 2 interviews and said some crazy shit and then his daughters got a hold of him and stopped him. Robin said he's issuing all kinds of apologies now. Howard said he could have been Donald Trump's son in law. Robin said he did say he dated Ivanka. Robin said he also said that the Beatles were some no playing mother fuckers and Paul McCartney was the worst bass player he had ever heard. Robin said he said a lot of crazy stuff like that. There was also a story about how Marlon Brando fucked Richard Pryor. Howard said he has some audio of that. He played a bit they made with a fake Brando and Pryor. Howard said that was Jim Breuer who did both voices in that bit. Robin said that Quincy is reaching out to people he may have offended in those interviews. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said she watched Chris Rock's new special on Netflix. Howard said he's about 30 minutes into it. He said he fell asleep last night watching it. Robin said he seems to know how to stay married now that he's divorced.
Robin read about how Michelle Obama's memoir is coming out this year. Robin had some details about that. Robin said that she's going to go on a world tour after the book comes out.
Robin read a story about the kids who were in that horror house where they were chained to their beds. Robin said they're being introduced to toothbrushes and modern technology. Robin said hygiene wasn't high on their list. Howard said those poor kids. Robin said they're learning about everything from Harry Potter to iPads. Robin had more details about what the kids are doing now. Howard asked if they have been shown YouPorn yet. He said their minds will be blown. Robin said they say they're warm and loving and they appreciate everything they're given. Howard said he would imagine so. He asked if they still speak in unison. Robin said they're still trying to figure out what to read and learn about. Howard had the kids on the phone. He took the call and the guys in the back office did their impression of the kids all speaking in unison. Howard kept them on for a short time.
Robin asked if Howard watched any of the Olympics. Howard said he did see people skiing and shooting at the same time. Robin said that's the Biathlon. Howard said they weren't hitting too well. Robin said that's one of the dumber ones. Howard said he kind of dug it. Robin said she decided that the summer Olympics is for wimps. Robin said this is all in sub zero temperatures. Robin said they can get killed doing what they do. Robin said she saw Shaun White nail some incredible tricks. Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about. Robin explained to him what White was doing. Howard did a live commercial read after that. Robin read more about the Olympics and who walked away with the most medals. Howard said he didn't care. He said it was too much of an investment in time. Robin said that the X-games like events are exciting. Howard said the shooting thing seems like a disaster waiting to happen.
Robin read a story about a conference that will be about demon possession at the Vatican. Howard asked what is happening in this world. He said this is just bad parenting. He said that you have to call in a priest. Robin said that they current exorcists aren't up to snuff apparently. Howard suggested starting with the priests.
Robin read a story about a guy who was arrested for opening a door of an airplane as it was on the runway. Robin had some audio from a news report. Howard was having trouble with his new mouse so it took him a bit to get it to play. Robin said the man was arrested and the flight was delayed for 5 hours. Robin said you don't go running out of the plane when you have the wrong ticket.
Robin read about the shooting in Florida while they were away. Robin said this young man who did the shooting was on the radar since the age of 9. Robin said he began introducing himself as a school shooter. Robin said she's not sure how seriously you have to take people before they do something. Robin said there were some first responders who didn't want to respond. Howard said he has so many thoughts on it that he's not sure where to begin. He said he's not sure he will begin. Robin said there were some sheriffs deputy's who didn't enter the building during the shooting. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how they only had one law enforcement officer on the property at one point. Robin had a bunch of clips for Howard to play about the shooting.
Robin read a story about how the NRA is losing some endorsements from some big companies. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how they should have armed teachers. Howard said this gun issue is such an emotional thing. Howard said that it's an issue about people feeling safe. He said the officers didn't react and the teachers and kids were on their own. He said they needed something. Howard said to him the most obvious thing is to have barbed wire or a fence at least. He said you have one way in and one way out. Howard said they have an armed officer at that one point. He said they would be highly trained. He said you can have a metal detector at every school. He said you have a guard and give kids the same security blanket that every congressman gets. Howard said they need good background checks as well. He said raising the age of being able to buy a gun won't help. He said that you can't have a cop who runs and hides when the shooting starts either. Howard said the cops should be allowed to have an AR-15 as well. Robin said they say that being shot by one of those is different than a regular gun. Howard said you're going to die if you're shot by one.
Robin asked when they're going to take care of the people who try to commit the acts. Robin said we have to take care of each other in this society. Howard said he loves Robin and her insight. Howard said he feels for kids. He said give them some fucking protection. Robin said lets stop creating school shooters. Robin said they should give background checks on being able to have children. Howard said people have to be parents. He said fuck all of this other bullshit. He said he loves that message that they don't want school shooters.
Robin said Ivanka Trump has something to say about arming teachers with guns. Robin had Howard play a clip where she said there is no one thing they can do to have safety. Robin had some other clips for Howard to play.
Howard wondered how that whole thing works with the kids and working for Trump. He said they must get out of school and go right to work for their dad. Robin said of course. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Trump wishing drug dealers to be executed. Howard said he has to think about that. He said they are committing murder by dealing drugs. He said that sounds dangerous. Robin said this is a social issue. Robin said people want to take drugs. She said you can't put these people to death for giving drugs to people. Robin had more on that story.
Robin said the company that Harvey Weinstein was the head of is going bankrupt. Robin said Harvey has also told his ex-wives that they won't be seeing any child support. Howard said he read that the rehab he's in is very expensive. He asked what that place is. He said it sounds like a spa.
Robin read a story about Mexico's president not coming to the U.S. any time soon. Robin said that they had a phone call between Trump and the Mexican president and they were arguing about who will pay for the border wall.
Robin read a story about vegetables and how they can help with depression. Robin asked if Howard eats them. Howard said he does so Robin said she hopes it can help with his depression.
Robin read about how Omarosa was voted out of the Big Brother house. Howard said he watched the first three episodes of that show and gave up. He said that he was done after Ross the Intern questioned Omarosa about the White House. He said he just didn't care about the show. Robin said Mark McGrath was in there. Howard said he has a career so he's not sure what he was doing there. Gary said Omarosa had an asthma attack after spinning around. Howard asked JD what the winner gets. JD said it's like $500,000. He said this was shortened so it was very quick. Robin said the winner of this one was $250,000. Howard said JD doesn't like Omarosa. JD said he started to like her more after seeing her. Howard asked if she showed her breasts on the show. JD said he didn't see that. Howard said she has a nice body. JD said she has a great ass.
Howard said what he got from it is that Omarosa mixed it up and made it interesting. He said he was shocked that Mark McGrath was on the show. JD said Brandi Glanville liked to drink and say crazy shit. Gary said she was talking about all the guys she fucked and they cut away from it on the After Dark live feed. Howard asked if anyone said anything Anti-Semitic. JD said he doesn't think so. Howard said Julie Chen was wearing something odd on the first night. He said she came in with something nice the next night.
Gary came in with a still of Omarosa's naked tit. Howard said that's nice. Robin asked if JD still jerks off to porn. Howard said of course he does. Robin said she was just wondering if he's limiting it. Howard said no way. He said JD is young and will jerk off to anything weird on the internet.
Robin read about the movie Black Panther that came out while they were away. Robin told Howard the movie is good but slow in the beginning. Robin said that he has a lot of powers and when he gets hit he absorbs the energy. Howard said maybe he could kill Thor or the Hulk. Robin said he could. Jason was arguing with Robin about the Hulk thing. He said there's no way he could beat Hulk. Robin said the movie is the highest grossing film released in February. Robin read about the other top 5 movies at the box office this weekend. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about what an exciting show they have today. He said he's all psyched up for it after drinking his coffee. Howard said they should have sex. Robin said they have ruined every show when they finally have that couple have sex so lets not ruin the show.
Howard said he's excited to see Stephen Colbert is coming in today. He said he's a smart and interesting guy. He said he wants to have a conversation with him. Robin said he should if he's coming in. Howard said she's right. Howard was using a harmonizer on his voice and Robin said that he's got a new toy. Howard was making his voice very deep and talking about how he sounds like Lurch from the Addams Family. Robin asked what his sexual orientation is. He said his balls are ticklish. Robin asked if he's straight or gay. He said he's gay. Robin said she thought so. Lurch said he likes to put plastic up his ass like Ronnie. Robin asked if he's dating. He said he is and the guy has a very big cock so his hole is convulsing. Robin asked if it's opening and closing. He said it is. He said his boyfriend is Uncle Fester. He said he makes his balls glow when he's jerking off.
Lurch said Thing is also there and getting up his ass. He said he's not into Cousin It. He said he's a twink. Robin asked what it's like when you like a hairy guy. Lurch said that's a bear. He said at one time Morticia put on a strap-on and fucked him in the ass. He said it was 3 feet long. He said he's a power bottom. Robin said he better be. Lurch said he's a power bottom. Robin said he already said that.
Robin asked about Grand Mama. Lurch said she was a cunt. He said he fucked Herman Munster too. He said he was a power bottom as well. He said Gomez would speak French into his balls and he couldn't take it.
Lurch said on the set of the show he came into Thing's box and he sealed it shut. He said that was a real hand job. Robin asked if he's going to write a book about these things. Lurch said he is. He said he's been put up on charges for saying he wanted to finger Pugsly's ass. He said Grand Mama smelled like old pussy. He said so many people fucked him in the ass that it looked like a man hole. Robin asked if the writers had him too. Lurch said he always said ''You rang'' on the show. He said the first chapter is about how Uncle Fester and Thing bukkake'd him. Robin said Thing was just a hand though.
Lurch kept telling Robin stories about what the cast did to him on the set. Robin said those were the good old days. Howard said he has to get out of that. He said he wasn't planning it. He said he's tired now. He said the coffee has worn out already.
Howard said he had a whole scenario about Thing crawling up his ass but you'll never hear it. He said he loves that harmonizer. Robin said it's very deep. Howard went back into the Lurch voice and talked about what a freak Ronnie is.
Howard got out of it again and said that Stephen Colbert is coming in and he's number 1 in late night. He said he took that crown. Howard said tomorrow Jennifer Lawrence will be in. He said she's in a super movie that he saw. He said it's called Red Sparrows. He said it's about spy training. He said only good looking women can be in it. He said they are trained to be seductresses. Robin said that's not true. She said they don't have to be good looking to seduce. Howard said he may have made that part up. Howard said he's excited about that. He said she's a really good actress. Robin said a lot of people were talking about her and she's 27 years old now. Robin said she can't believe it's been 7 or 8 years since she came on the scene.
Howard said he's torn on this. He said he's thinking about firing him or doing the bit. Robin said they should do both. Howard said she can back him up in court.
Howard asked what kind of thing that is. He said that's just creepy. Benjy came in and Howard asked how his Rosacia is. Benjy said his face is okay. He said he doesn't know if it's an allergy or what. Howard said he was very blotchy and red recently. He said they got some song parodies about it. Howard played one called ''Red Skin.''
Howard said Benjy is a dark pink today. He asked what this Nikki voice sounds like. Benjy did it and it wasn't very feminine. Howard asked about the scenario he had and Benjy told him what he was planning. Howard said it's so creepy. Benjy said he posted this on Facebook. Howard said he must have read it there.
Howard asked Benjy about some of the stuff that he has posted lately. Howard said he was looking for someone to hook him up on a date. Robin said she doesn't want him in the hospital so she's not going to set him up with someone. Howard said Robin was very lucid and laughing and talking in the hospital and she didn't want Benjy coming in. He said he thought she wasn't going to make it but then she was doing so well. He said then she told him that Benjy wanted to visit and she didn't want him there. Robin said she can't take Benjy but she can handle 12 hours of surgery. Howard said she took Chemo and radiation for months but not Benjy.
Howard said Robin wouldn't set Benjy up with anyone. Robin said she cares about her friends. Howard said Benjy is just going to use them sexually. Benjy said he would be serious too. Howard said he's not marriage material. He said he has said he can't settle down with one person. Benjy said he doesn't like that whole ''I've grown'' thing but he thinks he is marriage material. Benjy said he has gone on dates.
Howard said this is what he put on Facebook. He read the note he had where he was asking for people to set him up on meet ups. Benjy had all kinds of demands for what this woman should be like. Robin said this sounds like a pretty, crazy girl. Howard said Blind is a plus.
Howard said Benjy doesn't want to go on a regular date apparently. Benjy said he likes hanging out. Howard said he doesn't know anyone like this person he described. Howard said Jennifer Aniston is single now. He said he's going to set that up. He said he'd love to see a pizza date with Benjy and Jennifer. Robin said he'll never hear from her again after that.
Howard said he should that BlotchySingles.com. Benjy said he's their spokesperson. Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult is on there.
Benjy did his Nikki Haley voice and Howard told him to get out of there. He took a call from a guy who said he would pay double his subscription if they get rid of Benjy and bring in Sour Shoes. Howard played a Benjy song parody about getting him out of the studio after that.
Benjy said he wants to remind you that when they played the speed dating game he beat Howard. Howard said he did. He said they were talking about him dating this morning and he's like a ninja. Benjy said he likes real relationships too. Gary said his last 2 relationships ended because he didn't want to get serious. Benjy said that's true but most people end relationships before they marry. Howard said he loves Benjy but he's never gotten involved in his dating. Benjy said he invited him up to his apartment one time. Howard asked why he would do that. Benjy said it was a movie thing and he asked him to come back to his apartment. Howard said he thinks he's hallucinating. He said he thought he was Nikki Haley.
Howard asked if he has been wearing that shirt for two days in a row. Benjy said he hasn't. He said he just bought this shirt.
Howard asked if Benjy has any age restrictions. He said he figures Benjy is about 50. Benjy said he doesn't have any restrictions. Benjy said anything over 18. He said he'd also like them to weigh less than him. Howard played another song parody about Benjy and how he doesn't have to be in the studio.
Howard said he loves when he's arguing with the singer. Benjy said thanks. Howard said he has to get out of this. He said he has to stop. He told him to get out of the studio. Benjy said he wasn't sure if he was serious. Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to go. Howard said he won't leave. The caller said he works in an office setting and he is in a closet and he has to leave. Howard told Benjy to get out. Benjy was still talking. Howard told him to be a good boy and leave. He left after that. Howard said everyone loves Benjy. He said a little goes a long way with Benjy.
Howard said he had a Benjy catapult he didn't get to. He played the sound effect for that. Robin asked if the Benjy Tribute is shelved. Howard said he wants to get to it but he has a lot of stuff to get to today before Stephen Colbert comes in.
Howard said there's a new movie coming out called ''Chappaquiddick'' and it was so weird that Ted Kennedy went on to have a senate career after that accident. Howard said he covered it up and never got charged with anything.
Howard said he was out of his routine after vacation. He said he had so much to do around there. He said he had a session with Ralph in his apartment. He said he was talking to his kids too. He said he Facetimes with them sometimes and he loves that. He said he only does that with the kids. He said no one else. He said his kids live all over the country. He said he's glad they're having success but he doesn't like them living all over. He said he's a fun parent so he can't imagine why they'd want to be away from him.
Howard said he was with Ralph picking out an outfit for his Letterman appearance. He said his wife wanted to see him in a suit. He said he was thinking about that and he's not going to wear a suit. He did that on America's Got Talent sometimes. He said when you're sitting there for a long time that's not his thing. He said he looks so handsome in a suit but he just wants to wear some casual stuff. Howard said he hasn't seen the show yet. Ralph did and he told him that it is a casual thing. Howard said he only saw a little bit of the Clooney interview. Howard said he doesn't worry about what he's wearing.
Howard said he saw a picture of Heather Locklear in the paper and she apparently bit her boyfriend and got into a fight with the cops. He said he's known her and she did the show. He said she is so beautiful and stunning. He said you wouldn't know if she was crazy. He said she was the most interesting person he met when he met her. He said you can't tell if someone is a good singer if they're really hot. Robin said Howard does that with movies too if he likes the female star.
Howard said they say she called one of the cops a cunt. Howard laughed. He said they say she almost bit off her boyfriend's nose too. Robin said she looks good in her mug shot. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Robin said she looks better than she would. Howard said he wouldn't say that. Howard asked if she would ever call a cop a cunt. Robin said she wouldn't call them anything but ''sir.''
Howard said he was trying to figure out what to wear. Fred said Clooney wore a black suit with a black shirt and no tie. Howard said he's going to wear a jacket and shirt. He said he may wear a scarf. He said it hides his skinny neck. He said he has a whole strategy for TV. Robin said she's surprised he's never gone to a Cravat. Howard said he was a big fan of the dickie. Howard said that was a faux turtleneck. Howard said he went to college parties with a turtleneck and trying to impress the girls.
Howard said it's like a homework assignment. Robin asked if he has to do some research. Howard said he did that. He said Will and Jon Hein helped. He said everyone who works there has been helping. He said they all emailed and contributed. He said he has an idea of what he wants to do but he can't get it done. He said he has to get this Letterman thing out of the way.
Howard said Beth left after all of the complaining. He said that he asked why they tape it at 5 in the evening. He can't stay awake. Robin said he's just a creature of habit. Howard said Beth is going to get him coffee before the Letterman thing. He said he may have to do that. He said 5pm is like Midnight for him.
Bobo asked if any rock stars are going to be there. Howard said he's learning a lot about this hall of fame thing. He said no one wants to travel there. He said people just don't travel. He said they're in New York or Los Angeles. He said they just don't want to go to Cleveland. He said it has nothing to do with Cleveland though. He said it's just not the place these people are at. He said he heard from the guy from the Moody Blues and they're being inducted. Howard said one of the bands that did the Bowie Tribute wrote to him. He said it was some guy named Adam. He asked Brandano who that was. Steve said that he's the lead singer of Low Cut Connie. Howard said they did a great rendition of that ''Diamond Dogs'' song. He said he's going to play that. Howard said that's who's going to be there. Howard played their cover of ''Diamond Dogs.''
Howard asked if there's a Baba Booey shout out in this one. Fred said that was in the Daryl Hall song. Gary said here actually is one in this song. He said it was one of the backup singers that did it. Howard fast forwarded to where he thought it might be. He let the song play a little more but didn't hear it.
Howard said he may bring up Heather Locklear and have him bite his nose off at the rock and roll hall of fame. He wondered how much nose was left on that guy. Howard let Bobo go after that. Bobo said he loved that Bowie special.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Letterman's beard is so unattractive. She said Howard has nothing to prove there. She said just pretend he's there in his living room and talk like he's on radio. Howard hung up on her. He said she's telling him what to do.
Howard said he started to think about doing something there but he stopped himself. He said he's not going to prepare. He said he's going into Dave's show like Dave comes in there.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said he's gay but Ronnie has done more gay stuff than he has. Howard said that dildo thing is gay. He said he had that stuck in his ass and it's mind blowing. Janks asked why he was just mentioning it now. Howard said Ronnie is a freak. He said he's nearing 70 and showing no signs of slowing down. Robin said he used to go bow hunting and stuff but the sexual activity is staying. She said he doesn't go hunting anymore.
Howard said he has a song parody about Ronnie being bisexual. He played that and said he wanted more of that song.
Janks asked if he would stick a cock in if his girlfriend asked him to. Howard said he thinks he would. He said if there was some drinking and the girlfriend was there he might do it. Howard asked Janks if he would do Ronnie. Janks said he likes guys in their 20s. Ronnie came in and said he wouldn't want Janks. Howard asked if he'd let Robin strap on. Ronnie said bring it on.
Howard said he's very open sexually. Ronnie said he wouldn't take a guy's real dick in his ass. Howard said if it was a chick with a dick he would. Ronnie said no way. He said he's not going to take a dick in his ass.
Howard said Ronnie tweeted 10 times already today. Ronnie said he answered 51 direct messages too. He said he let Jason know about that. He said a lot of people tell him not to let the haters get to him. He said they call him gay and a fag and stuff now. Howard said they have a guy on the staff who is willing to fuck Ronnie. Ronnie said that's okay. He said the only reason he was doing that whole thing was because that dildo had a vibrator attached to it. He said it vibrated her clit while she was doing it to him.
Howard said he has to ask him something. He asked what position he was in. Ronnie said he was on the bed and she was standing. He said the bed was kind of low. He said it was a box spring with a mattress on it. Howard asked if he put his ass in the air. Ronnie said yeah. Janks was laughing on the phone. Howard said he has to reenact it with Richard. Howard asked him if he was on all fours. Ronnie said he was. He said he was on an angle at the corner. Howard said most chicks will have a bed. Ronnie said this was a long time ago. He said they had been doing other things. He said she was okay looking. Howard asked if she was chubby. Ronnie said not at all. He said not the greatest face in the world though.
Howard asked if she looked like Wilfred Brimley. Ronnie said no but her pussy did. He said she had a big bush. Howard asked if a chick puts on a strap on does she attach it. Howard said he has to get rid of Janks. He said it's annoying. Janks' phone was echoing.
Ronnie said she had to tie the strap on so it didn't move. He said that she had to have it tight so the vibrator would work. Howard asked if he spread his own ''ass chreeks.'' Ronnie said he didn't. He said it was all real lube and he didn't have to open up.
Howard asked about the wait for the dildo. Ronnie said he watched her getting ready. He said he wasn't running out of the room or anything. Howard asked if he sized up the dildo. Ronnie said he had never done it before so he didn't know what it was going to be like. He said he was laying there watching her get ready. He said he had cum already so they were doing this all night.
Howard asked about her entering him and what that was like. Ronnie said she was rubbing his ass and shit too. He said she was real gentle about it. Howard asked if she grabbed his cock. Ronnie said she did. He said the dildo never went all the way in. He said she was massaging his balls and shit so it was fun. Howard laughed at him saying ''and shit'' when he was talking about that.
Howard asked if it was hard to shit after that. Ronnie said not with the lube in there. He said it just plops right out. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie.
Howard said he can't picture him doing this. Ronnie said it was with a girl. Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's done this with her husband. Howard asked if he's dating men now. The caller said no and it's not gay. Howard asked why not do it more often. She said they have kids around. Robin asked what good it does a woman. The caller said her's didn't have a vibrator. Ronnie said she has to get one like that.
Howard said the Smithsonian Institute is on the phone asking for something. Howard took the call and they asked if they could get this for the gay pride collection. Ronnie said he hasn't seen that chick in many years. Howard said he could do another 4 hours on this but they have to take a break. He said he has so many conversations about this with people. He said he should get Ralph on the phone. He said he's saying it's gay. Ronnie said it's not gay and it's no different than taking a finger up there. Robin asked what the difference is between a finger and a dick. Ronnie said it's a big difference. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard said he was going to do this yesterday. He said he has a Ray Stern Shoe Repair phony phone call. He said this is his mom calling a shoe repair place. He played the phony phone call where Sal called a shoe repair place and had clips of Howard doing his mom's voice and talking about shoes hurting your feet. The shoe guy was giving some advice to her about the fit of the shoes. The guy said they can take care of that for her. After that bit they went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Stephen Colbert there. He said he's out promoting the fact that he's the host of the Late Show. He said he's there to smash the other guys in the face with the proverbial pie. Howard asked if Stephen wants to gloat at all. He said he looks just like Stephen Colbert. He said he has very dark hair. Howard said people accuse him of dying his hair. Stephen said his sister accuses him of doing that. He said he's over 50 and a man dying his hair is just sad. He said it looks so sad. Howard said you can tell because the hair turns red. Stephen said he's now 2 weeks older than his father ever did. He said that his dad looked 75 when he was 53. He said he had 11 kids so he aged. Stephen said he has no responsibilities at all. He said it's not the same stress a guy with 11 kids has.
Howard said it's such a public thing when you go to number 1 in the ratings. Howard said when he was on radio and he went to terrestrial radio they wanted to fire him if he wasn't number 1. He said they were trying to fire him but he was number 1 and they had to hold off on firing him. He said the ratings thing is a nerve wracking thing. He said it's soul crushing. Howard said you work so hard on it. Stephen said they weren't number 1 for the first year of the show. He said they were enjoying the attempt though.
Howard said he watches the show almost every night. He said there's some kind of enjoyment there. Stephen said he was never on camera as himself before. He said he thought it would be excruciating. He said he turned off The Colbert Report thing and went on as himself. He said that was difficult. He said he had no place to go to figure it out. Howard said he had to do it on TV at 11:30 at night. He said that Jimmy Fallon learned it at 12:30 and then moved. He said Stephen took over for Letterman. He said he had to figure it out in one night.
Stephen said he does feel that it's like learning in one night but then they all add up and it's like they're rolling down hill.
Howard asked Stephen to tell him what it was like to take over from Letterman. Stephen said they changed the theater around a lot. He said they took out a lot of sound deadening in there. He said he didn't like that and wanted the theater to be seen. Howard said what he remembers most is that he came on the air and CBS was pinning a lot of hopes on him. He said that he was Les Moonves' golden boy. Howard said then James Corden takes over and they were saying they were going to swap out and Stephen was going to go to 12:30. Stephen said he never believed that was going to happen. He said no one ever said that to him. He said they wouldn't have done that. He said he thinks it would take years of nod delivering for that to happen.
Howard asked if they were going to get him a new producer or something. Stephen said he was the show runner. He said he was just going to work more. He said he got to Christmas and he was thinking about this all the time. He said he was having a meeting in his head while he was trying to sleep. He said he was thinking about the next day's show. He said this was not good. He said he had to make a list of things he had to do. He said he wasn't the person to do this. He said he had to get a show runner. He said it's a person who comes in and tells everyone how the show is going to work.
Howard said he had to be free to be loose and be the bad boy. Stephen said the day before the first show Les came up to his office to have a meeting. He said Les told him not to think about he production of the show and just go out and do his thing. Stephen said he was thinking about everything about the show. He said he's super controlling over everything. Stephen said he had just done 10 years at Comedy Central and they worked really hard. He said that was like doing a college newspaper. He said the amount of staff was small and he never heard about his ratings. He said that he just wanted to show up on the cultural radar. He said he and Jon Stewart built that up into a good core demo. Howard said the cable universe is much different. Howard said a 1 share is a big deal over there.
Stephen said he didn't know what Les was describing. He said 3 months later he realized that he needed that thing. He said he asked Les for that and 2 months later he said he asked why he didn't have that thing yet. He said what he wrote in the letter was that he needed this thing. He said he may have written it to Vinnie their liaison. Howard said then they hired the show runner. Stephen said it's Chris Licht. He said he knows the grind of doing the show. He said 51 percent of his joy is what people see. He said the other 49 percent is the flaming toboggan ride at work.
Howard said there has to be a structure to the show and how it's produced so he has room to play. Stephen said he needed a GM and Les had suggested this guy. He said that they got together for some drinks and he told Chris what he needed. Stephen said that he told him that he won't tell him how to run the show if he doesn't tell him what's funny. He said he's had a much better time since then.
Howard said he's in his groove and he's doing well. Howard said he can tell. Stephen said on stage is the drug. He said he's never down or sick on stage.
Howard said the show is political and it's a force. Stephen said that's a strong word. Howard asked if he pictures that Trump watches the show. He said he must be watching. He said he's a masochist in that way. Stephen said he met Trump on the show once and back stage once on Fallon. He said that's as much as he knows him. Howard said Trump is obsessive about his critics. Stephen said he may have watched when he became number 1. He said he respects the ratings.
Howard said the President Show is on Showtime and that's a cartoon that they did on Stephen's show. Stephen said they turned it into a full show for Showtime. He said they have a show runner for that now. He said he weighs in on the show but not that much.
Howard said he knows he said he'd gladly turn in Trump for lower ratings. He said he became the first real voice that expressed comedic outrage. He said it was almost a blessing for him. Stephen said he rejects his premise. He said he thinks that the success of the show is from being able to respond to what happens today. He said that Trump changed what happens in the last 5 minutes. He said the shows are always about what happened that day. He said the old show was like 20 months of Super Pacs. He said this gig is ''What is everyone talking about today?'' He said that's what they talk about. Stephen said that thing that they're talking about is around one person and around politics. He said that what they did was prepare for this moment. He said it's not this man. He said if Trump decides to take the veil and go to a convent tomorrow he doesn't think they'd go back to that old speed they were at.
Stephen said they figured out how to do the show when Chris came on and the live shows they did got them on their game. He said they had no second chop on it. He said they approached every show like it was live. He said he thinks that if Trump goes away the news cycle doesn't change and they'll be fine.
Howard said he thinks he's right about the quick reaction to the news of the day. He said morning radio was like that too. Howard said that the old talk shows would make fun of everything. He said you have to do that. Stephen said that it's a divided country and he thinks there is a middle. He said it's not a very vocal one though.
Howard asked if he's gotten hate from Trump lovers. Stephen said he doesn't hate Trump. He said he is afraid of him. He said that he scares him. He doesn't trust him. Stephen said he goes to church and he thinks that Trump and his followers are creating a bonfire of vanity.
Howard said Trump is open sexually. He said that he was always a great gust on the show. Howard said he didn't weigh out what would happen if he said something crazy. Robin said he wasn't running the country at the time though. Howard said that's true.
Howard said he heard that Trump has been tweeting up a storm this morning. Stephen said he read two words before he came in and it said ''Witch hunt.'' Howard asked if he feels he has to get to work now to get on that. Stephen said his writers are already working on it. He said they get in around 8:30. He said they pitch at 9:30. He said they pitch it around the room at that time. He said his creative producer pick what they want and then they're on for the day.
Howard said when Chris came in he shortened the opening bit. Stephen said they tried a bunch of different handshakes. He said they did a cold open and they are harder than anything else. He said it's quick. He said his old writing partner for 20 years comes up with something every day. He said they have 2 or 3 things and they put one of them on. He said they can change it at the last second too. He said they have thrown out a monologue at 4:30 and they have to tape at 5:30. He said he reads through it at 3 and they tape at 5:30.
Howard asked if he's burnt out by 5:30 after working all day. Stephen said he'll take a nap in the afternoon. He said he can lay down for a bit and listen to a podcast or something. He said he has one of those masks to wear.
Howard said the band leader, John Batiste, is he a friend. Stephen said they are friends. He said they are more than TV friends. He said they go to dinner. He said he's been to his house and met his parents. He said he's coming to South Carolina to play at a festival. Howard said this instrument he plays he doesn't like. Stephen said it's very New Orleans. He said it's a Melodica. Howard said he doesn't like wind instruments. Howard said they keep his microphone up too. He asked if that's something he decided. Stephen said he likes not being alone. He said he likes John's presence up there. Stephen said he likes a sense that there are other people up there. He said he wants that noise. He wants to feel like he's working with other people. Stephen said he loves his energy. He doesn't hear it but he feels it.
Howard asked what happens when the show becomes number 1. He asked if life changes over there. Stephen said they get pizza every Tuesday. He said it's just pizza. Robin said it didn't really matter. Howard said it matters. Stephen said he's not paying for it. Howard said that there is a celebration. Stephen said he doesn't want to beat anyone. Howard told him to listen to him. Stephen told him to listen to him. He said he doesn't like being beaten. He said he isn't going to be happy about beating the other guys. He said he feels a gratitude to CBS. He said it's great to be in the hunt but winning is just wonderful.
Howard asked who brings in the pizza. Stephen said it's Chris who brings it in. Stephen said they'll tell them how much they're winning by. Howard asked if he knows how much it is. Stephen said he thinks 700,000. Howard said he has over a million more viewers. Howard said they're number 1 so they should get something better than pizza.
Stephen said he wants to answer something about Donald Trump. He said that the story of Trump is something they have to talk about. He said that it's him is insulting to his staff. He said they work very hard. Howard said he gets that. He said now he's in a groove and they'll address what they have to. Stephen said ''dig it daddy-o.''
Howard said it's interesting what has been happening. He said that Fallon has gotten more political. He said he's said he's not the political guy though. Howard said when you look at that landscape it's very compelling to be able to tune in to hear Stephen's take on Trump. Stephen said that's because he's the news of the day. Stephen said Trump will have it no other way. Howard asked if he believes that Trump would run into the school without a gun. Stephen said he believes that Trump believes it. Stephen said he thinks he's writing his own fan fiction about himself. He did an impression of Trump for a few seconds.
Howard asked if he feels bad for Trump in a way. Stephen laughed and said no. Howard said to have the attention on yourself is tough. Stephen said he put it on himself. Howard asked if he thinks he needs psychiatric help. Stephen said you can't diagnose someone you haven't met with. He said he's not sure he needs help but he should get high. Robin said he's the most sane person because he took a test.
Howard asked if Trump deserves any credit for the economy. Stephen said that the stock market can do well and not do well for an average guy. He said he's not an economist but he doesn't think that Obama should have been blamed or what we went through in 2009. He said that Trump shouldn't be getting credit for his first year in office. He said if things go well next year then he should get credit for the tax cut thing. He said that's not a sustainable thing though.
Howard said Stephen has 3.23 million viewers and Fallon is in the 2 million range. Howard said they're all doing pretty good but that has to be worth some pepperoni on the pizza. Stephen said he has nothing to do with that.
Howard asked what happens when he goes to number 1. He asked if they have something going on. Stephen said it's not like there's someone who comes in and declares you number 1. He said last year they won sweeps and they were happy but no one is rolling up in a Bentley. He said he was hired to do this so he has to do it. He said this is what they're supposed to be doing.
Howard said he reads about movies doing well and they give gifts. Stephen said the production is ongoing so they have a good relationship with the network. He said their budget isn't questioned like it would be usually. He said they can achieve the things they need to do. He said they can go to Russia for a week because there's trust there.
Howard asked if there is joy there that he did it and Letterman wasn't able to do it. He said Dave wasn't able to beat Jay Leno. Stephen said none for him. He said he doesn't know about other people. Howard said he lives this stuff. He said he would take it hard when he wasn't number 1. He said he wishes it didn't mater that much.
Stephen said he had this conversation with Oprah. He said that the only way to relieve that pressure you have is to be number 1. He said it feels good because you return to neutral and then it's just work. Stephen said they are very happy. He said their goal was to be a player in late night and they have been able to do that.
Stephen said the thing about Chris is that he said if he's thinking about anything but comedy then he's failing is great. He said he has gone into meetings and he was told he isn't in that meeting. He said that's the nice thing. It said it's someone else's job. Howard said it has to be tough to let someone take control of the show if they book a guest that's not that great. Howard said he doesn't want to go on any show. Stephen asked why he hasn't been on the show. Howard said he did Kimmel and he doesn't want to do the show. Howard said the truth is that he has something to promote soon so he would like to be on. He said it's a funny thing when you give up control. He said you must question people about why they book guests.
Robin asked if he ever questions who they book. Stephen said no. He said he likes guests who are willing to talk and they're willing to have a real conversation that the audience will appreciate. He said he had Jennifer Lawrence on last night and she was great. He said some people are themselves and they lay on their haunches and don't say anything.
Howard said Stephen has a bar on the set and he's never used it until last night. Howard said it must be great when a guest wants to have something to drink. Stephen said they didn't show all the drinks they had. He said he got hammered. He said he gave up liquor for Lent so he hadn't had a drink in 2 weeks. He said that Jennifer was talking about how these weeks are so hard. He said he asked her if she wanted a cocktail. He said that it wasn't a planned bit. Stephen said he could tell that she was over appearing on shows. He said she'll be great for Howard.
Stephen said they had two shots of rum. He said he had some down in Cuba and it's fantastic. He said his drink right now is Weller 12 year. He said he likes it too much. Howard asked when he drinks. Stephen said he comes home and he has a drink. Howard ask if the wife has it all set out for him. Stephen said she would if he asked. He said he makes an old fashioned so it takes some time to make.
Howard asked if he was drinking every night. Stephen said yes. He said he was having one. He said he learned from Lent that he does not drink wine or beer. He said he has wine or beer with something but he drinks liquor. He said he needs something to punch his brain in its face. He said he understands why substance abuse is a trap. He said he has a stiff old fashioned during the winter. Howard asked if he's a weed guy. Stephen said he will have an edible to sleep. He said he's not against the weed thing.
Howard asked when he goes to bed. Stephen sad he goes up around 11 but he might read until 12:30. He said he looks at Drudge and stuff like that. He said he reads the Wall Street Journal and the Huffington Post and Reddit. He said he likes consuming information.
Howard asked if he likes reading books. Stephen said he likes science fiction. He said he's reading a book his son gave him called Hyperion. He said he does read on his iPad. He said he will also listen to Audible. He said he reads when he can though.
Howard said he's reading about the Israeli Mossad and it's fascinating. Howard asked if the books on his set are his. Stephen said they're not his but the did request some of the stuff on the set. He said there are a lot of great classic books there.
Howard asked if he's in touch with Letterman at all. Stephen said he isn't really. He said he ran into him a few times. He said he loves that beard he has. Howard said he's doing the Letterman show on Thursday. He said that beard is a distraction. He said he feels he's hiding. He said it's going to be him, Dave and that beard. He said it's like a whole entity. Howard asked if Stephen would ever do that. Stephen said he did between shows. He said he likes to do sketches with a beard. He said his beard comes out like Anderson Cooper. Howard said he's the same way. He said his beard is white but his hair is black.
Howard said Stephen sent Dave a piece of the stage where he stood every night as a gift. Howard said that was very thoughtful. Stephen said when they were remodeling he came in to look around and figure out where he wanted to stand. He said he wanted to stand close to the audience. Stephen said his number 2 camera guy knows what to do up there. He said he walks out on the stage and he wonders where to stand. He said he saw some boxes on stage and he stood in this spot and that felt right to him. He said he looked down and he was standing on Dave's spot with a red dot. He said of course that's where you want to stand. He said you're close enough to feel the audience and you're far enough back to play to the balcony. Stephen said he asked for them to preserve that one tile. He said his stage was Navy blue with a red dot on it. He said he had it cleaned up and framed. He said it looked like a piece of art. He said he didn't hang it up for like a year. He said he ended up sending it to Dave. He said he wrote to Dave saying he thinks he might know what it is even though people there didn't. He said he got a note from Dave and he was very nice about it. He said he's not sure what he did with it.
Howard said he would have made fun of that years ago but now he gets the sentimentality. Howard said he just said goodbye to his board they replaced recently. He said that he had to say goodbye to it. He said you get more sentimental as you get older. Stephen said he had to be careful as a child because he'd throw a tissue away and he'd feel it had feelings and he'd put it in a drawer. Howard said he would make fun of that but he used to talk to his pencils.
Howard asked if he kept any props from the Colbert Report. Stephen said he kept the Captain American shield. He said he got a letter from the editor of Marvel and they said they read Cap's will and he said that he was the only one patriotic enough to have it. He said this is the actual shield from the 1960s. He said he kept a sword that Vigo Mortensen gave him. He said he had a picture of his dad and a penny his mom had from the Martin Luther King Jr. march. He said his mom was there while she was pregnant with him.
Howard asked Stephen about hosting the Emmys. Stephen said he had more fun than he thought. Howard said he can't get near those shows. Stephen said he doesn't think anyone who hosts a talk show thinks ''Yay'' when they get that offer. He said it's just more work. He said that he had much more fun than he thought he would. Howard said he brought out Sean Spicer and he felt that was weird. Howard said he was Trump's head stooge. He said he might even say he lied for Trump. Stephen said he would definitely say that. He said he did take some heat for that. He said there were people who were upset but he was just told about it. Stephen said he thought it would rehabilitate him. He said he felt a little bad for him using him as a punch line. He said he had zero fear that it would rehab him. He said he thinks he called it right because he has not been rehabilitated.
Stephen said he had a conversation with Jon Stewart about it. He said they were going to use Sean for lies like Trump did.
Stephen said he was doing his monologue on the Emmys and he was joking about the popular vote winning and how Trump didn't win. He said he knew that room was with him with that joke. He said he saw Gerald McRainey and he thought ''maybe him.'' He said then he said out loud ''Where do I find the courage to tell that joke in this room?'' He said that wasn't even on the prompter. He said that he may upset some liberals with the next joke. Howard said that he brought Sean Spicer out and that could upset some people.
Howard asked if Stephen was close to Louis C.K.. Stephen said he doesn't know him that well but he did work with him in the past. He said he worked for 5 months 20 years ago. He said he had the most connection to him than the people who have been accused of things. Stephen said he doesn't have a big connection to comedians or other entertainers. Howard said Cosby was his hero though. Stephen said it was Cosby, Carlin and Steve Martin when he was growing up. He said that Steve has done his show. He said he's thrilled when he's there. Howard asked if he gets nervous. Stephen said only when they're not on stage. He said then it's personal.
Stephen said that he loved Steve's book ''Born Standing Up'' and he told his son that it describes what it's like to be a comedian.
Howard said that cartoons are hard to do a cartoon. Howard said the good stuff can be a million per episode. He said he was going to do one years ago but he backed out when they were going to use a cheapo computer animation. Stephen said that their head animator for ''Our Cartoon President'' has been working on a motion capture animation and they do that with Adobe. He said what he loves is that they give the characters great backdrops. He said it's gorgeous. He said it moves you emotionally. He said you see this idiot in the center of it. Howard said that's a funny show. He said he's building an empire over there. Stephen said he loves the show. He said every day they eat every berry off the comedy bush. He said this show is meant to be what it would be like if you got the camera inside. He said he thinks that everything they've done is a reasonable guess at what's really going on. He said everything you think is happening is really happening.
Howard asked if he has any personal life at all. Stephen said he gets home earlier now than he did with the Colbert Report. He said he's not a great show runner and he was everything over there. He said he had his finger in every pie. He said it was good for that show though. He said he gets home about an hour earlier than he used to. He said he'll watch Anderson Cooper and then go to bed. He said he will also help his son out with his homework or something too. He said his kids are much better students than he ever was. He said they are putting pressure on themselves. He said one of his sons is interested in production but not entertaining.
Howard said it must be nice to not have to compete like that. Stephen said he didn't have a dad after 10. He said he doesn't envy anyone having a famous parent. He said there is an expectation that you'll follow in their footsteps.
Howard said Stephen is doing everything. He said he doesn't want to keep him too late. He said he knows he has to go to that pitch meeting.
Howard asked who the best guest has been on the show. Stephen said it's hard to beat Neil deGrasse Tyson. He said he's grabbing you by the lapel to tell you about black holes. He said Joe Biden is another great guest. He said that Jennifer Lawrence was great. He said he's had her on before though. He said that she was ready to let her guard down last night. Howard said sometimes people tune in to just see people like her. Howard said Chris must check the ratings to see which guests get the ratings. Chris was there so Howard had him come in.
Chris Licht came in and he's the Executive Producer and Show runner for The Late Show. Howard said he could get into a whole thing with him about Charlie Rose. Howard asked if he's the one who orders the pizza. Chris said he tells someone it's okay to order the pizza.
Howard asked if he checks the ratings minute by minute to see who was good. Chris said yes. He said it takes weeks to get them though. He said the night after the State of the Union they got great ratings with the Pod Saves America guys. Howard said there has to be someone else. Stephen said no one turns off Tom Hanks. He said that Leno said that there are 5 people who move the number and Hanks is one of them. He said he's also a joy to talk to. He said he has a game and understands his job. Howard said that's why he won't do his show.
Howard said Les Moonves must blow him on a constant basis. Chris said this was a bad idea to come in there. Howard asked why Les picked Chris. Chris said he's not sure. He said he never told him. Howard said he's the kind of guy he likes. He said he's the voice of reason who can run the thing. Howard said he must have gotten a bump in salary. Stephen said this was expected of them so he doesn't think he did. He said he doesn't know for sure though.
Howard asked when Stephen's contract is up. Stephen said it's 5 years. He said it was 5 from the beginning. He said he has a couple of years left. Howard asked if he's going to hit them up for the mother load. Stephen said of course not. He said that he can't be serious with Howard.
Howard asked if Scaramucci was good on the show. Stephen said he was. He said he did go on George Stephanopoulos' show though. He said he had promised he'd just do their show and he went on George's show. Stephen said he asked him not to be the same on the show as he was with George. He said the Mooch told him that he is a straight shooter and there's two guys there. He said one is from the gutter. Stephen said he's not from the gutter though. He was from Manhasset or something.
Howard asked what they think of George running for President. Howard said he's floating that idea. Stephen said that's a terrible idea. Howard said Oprah is a bad idea too. Stephen said they need someone who knows where the valves of government are. He said they have the gang of people who can't shoot straight. Howard said they have to do public service. Howard asked who he wants in 2020. Stephen said he's not thinking about it. He wishes he had some hope in his heart for someone. He said Mitt Romney maybe. He said he'll take a technocrat. He said he just wants someone who gets things done.
Howard asked if Hillary could run again. Stephen said he doesn't think so. Howard asked Chris what a show runner should make. Stephen said they should take a snow blower and fill his car with money. He said that or one of those booths where he has to grab money. He said he's going to talk to Les about that.
Howard asked if Chris ever had any health problems from the stress. Chris said he had a brain hemorrhage at 38 and he's 46 now. Howard asked if he almost died. Chris said he did. He said he didn't see anything on the other side. Howard said that's unbelievable. He said he had the worst headache that he's ever had. He said it does make you want to just try things. Stephen said that's a guy who will work hard but sees it in perspective. Stephen said he was working with Joe Scarborough at the time. Howard said he wrote a book about it too. Chris said that he learned that this stuff doesn't matter. He said family matters.
Howard said they're doing a great job over there. He said they call him Chris 'Brain Hemorrhage'' Licht. Howard said they have a juggernaut on their hands.
Howard asked how much of the credit Chris deserves. Stephen told Howard about going to do the Kennedy Center honors show that December and his daughter was with him. He said that his daughter asked who that guy was and he didn't know Chris' name. He said his daughter told him that he should know people on his team. Stephen said his daughter found out Chris was going to run the show and she said to him that he didn't even know what his name was and now he's going to save his life. He said she was right.
Howard gave the guys some more plugs and wrapped up. Chris asked when he's coming on their show. Howard said he will come on. He said he has something to promote soon. Howard said he has demands though. He said that he has to be first guest and he doesn't do a pre-interview. Howard let the guys go a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he went and peed. He said when your body fails you it's scary. He said he was talking about that brain hemorrhage and he was only 38. Howard said that's crazy. Robin said it is. Robin said when you're a young man you think you're invincible. Howard said he might have to read his book. He said he didn't know he wrote a book. He said he really likes Stephen Colbert. He said he's a nice guy. He said he should be like Richard and say he's his favorite.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's ever going to do a live show like he used to do on TV. Howard said they're going to have the video on the Sirius app soon. Howard said he has a meeting coming up about that soon. He said he has to go to his dermatologist. He said he was scratching under his arm and he found a little round mark. He said he thinks it's skin cancer even though it's probably just ringworm or something.
Howard said they will be having some sort of television for you as part of your subscription. He said now he'll have to worry about his appearance. He said that's one thing he doesn't like about it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said he always looks great. Howard thanked her. The caller asked if Ronnie has done this ass thing more than once and if has he used butt plugs. Howard said he thinks he used anal beads. He said he might have a butt plug in now.
Howard said Colbert was listening to Ronnie out in the green room and saying ''Oh my god that man has been sodomized.'' He said he asked who that was. Gary told him that's the guy in charge of security.
The caller asked if Stephanie has done any of that. Howard said he wouldn't put it past her. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said he has this thing to promote and he will go on Colbert's show. Howard said he doesn't do shows like that because he hates the way he looks. He said Sal went out and asked people what they think he should wear on the Letterman interview. Howard played some audio of people talking about what they think he should wear. One woman said ''What can you do with that face anyway?'' There were a bunch of people talking about his ugly ass and face. Howard told Fred to bite his nose off. He said that woman's laugh was horrible. He said it cut right through him.
Howard said he was pulling out clothes with Ralph and he asked if he should shave. He said he has scruff now and that's his look now. He said he has clippers that keep it scruffy. He said Ralph said it doesn't look good. He said his wife says she likes it. He said he does tend to listen to Ralph but then he goes back and sees stuff he's worn years ago and he thinks he looks ridiculous. Howard said that was his day yesterday.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who asked if he's ever thought of going on anti-depressants. Howard said no. He said they scare him. He said he's not that bad. Robin asked why you'd take medication. Howard said some people should be on it but he doesn't want a pill that can wipe away these horrible feelings. Robin said you can't help when you can't feel what you feel. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard said the show Homeland is back and it's very good. Robin said The Walking Dead is back too. Howard said that kid is dead if you didn't know. He said there are no spoilers there because he was bitten by a zombie. He said he saw the kid on The Talking Dead and he's a good looking kid. He said he's not sure why he had that long hair in the show. Robin said he was playing a character.
Howard said Homeland is good. He said he was watching Big Brother but he didn't get the point. He said he watched The Walking Dead last night and then he had The Bachelor from Sunday night. He said that's where the women tell all. He said it was fantastic. Howard asked if Robin is watching. She said she's not into this Arie guy.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said the reason why Heather Locklear is angry is because she's old. He said when women who are TV stars get old and no one pays attention to them they get angry. He said anything will set them off. Howard said the beauty Heather had as a young woman brought her fame and money. He said she was such a beauty. Robin said they couldn't have enough TV shows with her on. Howard said she was on T.J. Hooker and Melrose Place at the same time. Robin said it may have been Dynasty. Howard said she was intoxicating to be around. He said there was no way she wasn't wonderful to be around. Howard said that's why it's great to grow up looking like him.
King said that's the problem. He said it's all over for her. Howard said it has to be a tremendous loss. He said her youthful skin is gone. King was laughing. Howard asked why he's laughing. He said he was reading an article by a feminist who was saying that a woman's youth is almost like a commodity. He said there is such value placed on it in society. He said they treat you differently when it's gone. Robin said it's like what an athlete has. Robin said they have abilities that are incredible. Robin said a woman's beauty is almost equal to that.
Howard said King thinks she bit her boyfriends nose and called a cop a cunt because she's angry. King said it's because she's 56 years old. Howard let him go and did a live commercial read.
Howard said he took a beating in the email about JD yesterday. He said it's fun to check in with him and he's just going to ignore those emails.
Howard said Mike Walker's daughter sent a nice note to him about the nice words they had for him yesterday. Howard read some of the note from Wendy Walker. Howard said that was nice to hear. Howard said the fans loved the Mike sound effects and stuff.
Howard said that people have to stop sending in stuff about his snoring being sleep apnea. Howard said it's just snoring. He said he doesn't have sleep apnea. Howard said they got a lot of email about Ronnie and the ass fucking. He said they had some about Ronnie's mom too.
Howard read some email about JD and how he was picking on him yesterday. Howard said give him a break. Howard said he's just going to leave him alone. JD said that won't last. He said he knows what's going on.
Howard said someone wrote in about Robin and how she's wrong about The Black Panther. The writer told her that his father was the Black Panther before and he died. Robin said he wasn't wearing the suit at the time.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who said he went to see Black Panther on opening night and he thought they were wearing cosplay outfits but it was just Dashikis and things. Howard said that he's not sure why they're calling it a cultural moment but they are. Wolfie said he saw real Black Panthers at the Black Panther movie. Howard let him go and moved on to the news.
Robin read a story about Stacey Dash running for congress in California. Robin said they'll have to see if she makes it.
Howard took a call from a guy, Josh, who said he's been home for 2 weeks after a big surgery. He said he's 19 and he's had 30 surgeries on his back and other shit. Howard said he must be really fucked up. Josh said that he doesn't look fucked up but he's short. He said he's only 5'1'' tall. Howard asked what's wrong with him. He said he's got tumors that grow on his nerve endings. He said it's the Elephant Man thing but he doesn't look like that. Howard asked if he's had sex yet. Josh said not yet but he jerks off a lot. Howard asked if he's ever kissed a girl. Josh said no. Howard asked if he looks fucked up. Josh said not that fucked up. Howard asked if he has a big penis. Josh said not really. He said his family has to help him wash up so its uncomfortable. He said he's pretty independent but after the surgery he had to have help. Howard said he'd put him in the Wack Pack but he doesn't have a weird voice. Josh said that he has to waddle his way to the toilet when he has to take a dump. He said his mom was helping wipe him at first but now he's wiping himself. Howard said his mom is a good woman. He said that's an adult doody. He said they're not fucking around there.
Howard said now that he's listening he shouldn't complain about his own looks. He said this guy takes the cake. He said he should bring this guy with him on Letterman. Howard asked if he's dying to get laid. Josh said no. Howard asked if he could get some chicks after he heals up. Josh said that he doesn't have much experience. Howard said he speaks better than JD. Josh said he does. He said he's been working in a library and he goes to college too. He said he's going to Hunter. Howard said it sounds like he's not a moron. Josh said he's not. He said he's going to study psychology. Howard said that's a good one. He said that he can sit a lot. Howard asked how his weight is. Josh said that he has lost a lot since the surgery. He said he looks like a holocaust survivor. Howard said he pictured him being fat. Josh said he's pretty skinny right now. Howard said just say you look like a heroin addict instead of a holocaust survivor.
Josh said he loves Ronnie but he's horrified that he's a Jew. He said he doesn't want him as part of their tribe. He said he wants him to convert to Italian. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie. Howard said he has Stephen Hawking on the phone and he wants to call him a pussy. Howard took the call and Hawking was calling him a pussy in a fake computer voice. Howard kept him on the line for a few minutes. Howard said he hopes he's giving Josh hope.
Hawking had girls in his house pegging him like Ronnie got pegged. Howard said Josh should have this going on in his house. Howard said in a weird way he's an inspiration to Josh. Hawking told him to go read Dr. Sarno's book and stop being a pussy.
Howard said he hoped that helped Josh. Josh said it did. He said they're awesome. Howard told him to hang in there. He said Robin will be over later. Howard let Josh go and did a live commercial read.
Howard said that was something hearing from Stephen Hawking. He said someone bit him though. Robin said sometimes that happens.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby's daughter who died at the age of 44 the other day. Robin said she's one of his 5 children. Robin said he already lost a son in a robbery. Robin said now the 44 year old daughter is dead. Robin said he lost one of his staunchest supporters in this sexual assault case. Robin read some of the words she said about her father before she passed away. Howard said it has to be weird to lose a child like that.
Robin said Ivanka Trump is asking people to stop asking her about her father's sexual assault allegations because she's said that she believes they're false.
Robin read a story about a woman who says she was forced to clean up Harvey Weinstein's jizz after he came. Howard said that's disgusting. He said that's way over the line. He said Harvey would cum on the floor or whatever and then he'd ask someone to clean it up? Robin said that's what they say. Gary said they say it was often couches they had to clean up. Howard said even if you're the worst human being on the planet you clean it up yourself. Gary said the assistant also had to get the stuff that he used to keep his dick hard. Howard said he hopes his assistant is listening. Howard said that's gross. He said maybe Brad Pitt wouldn't be so bad but Harvey Weinstein?
Howard said he thought the grossest job was the guy with the jizz mop bucket who had to clean up at the booths that Sal used to go to. Howard said just imagine you're working for Harvey Weinstein and your job is to clean up as the rape pit crew. Howard did an impression of what the announcer would say as they were cleaning that up. Howard said that story gets more and more disgusting. He said there's nothing that could make it more disgusting.
Robin read a story about Ryan Seacrest being accused by a make up artist saying that he was in the habit of giving her big hugs while in his underwear. Robin said she claims he grinded his erect penis on her in a hotel room. Robin said he once smacked her butt so hard it had a welt on it for hours. She also claims that he groped her vagina once too. Howard said they had a Playmate on the show who said he didn't get sexual with her so this is all hard to believe. Robin said he's denying all of this. Howard's pit crew guy said they can clean up any mess if there was any. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin and Howard were still talking about the Harvey Weinstein thing and how he used to have to get a shot in his dick to get aroused. Robin said this guy was using that erect penis to allegedly harass people. Robin said the assistant had to administer the shot too. Howard asked what the fuck kind of crazy story this is. He said this guy had to get injected in order to harass someone.
Robin read a story about the NYPD supports changing the law to make it illegal for a cop to have sex with someone in custody. Howard said you'd think that was already a law. Robin said it apparently wasn't. Howard's pit crew guy said they're available for clean up for them as well.
Robin read about how Monica Lewinsky is reassessing her experience with President Clinton with all of this #MeToo stuff going on. Robin said now they have to discuss what consent is. Robin said Monica is now wondering if it's consensual if she was a young woman and it's her boss and she was with the most powerful man in the world. Howard said her life was ruined. Robin said she's now reassessing the whole thing. Robin said she was very alone after it all happened. Robin said her parents had to say things about her in court that they never would have. Howard's pit crew said they have a clean up crew for that too. Robin said unfortunately Clinton didn't have a clean up crew for that dress he came on.
Robin read a story about how President Trump claimed he would have run into that school if he was there during the school shooting. Howard said that's a brave man. Robin said anyone can be brave talking. Howard said he would have been right behind him. He said he's all for talking brave too. Robin had some audio of Trump making those comments. Howard said he would have headed for zee hills. He said he's the world's biggest coward. Robin said Trump had 3 deferments during Vietnam. Robin said to say he would have been brave enough... he's 70 years old so what's he going to do. Robin said he's not running anywhere. Howard said he thinks he would have gone in there using a very highly skilled Taekwondo and taken that guy down. Howard said he sees a movie with that going on. He said he's taking Trump's word for it. He said if he had weapons he would have run the other way.
Robin said that Scott Peterson is the cop who took cover outside the school and he's saying that he did everything by the book. Howard said he would have been hiding behind the children. He said that's what would have been in the paper for him. He said he's a coward. He said he admits it though. Howard said most people aren't tough guys. He said the Navy SEALS are real tough guys.
Robin said that Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that Trump was actually saying that he was just saying that he would have been a leader in that case. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Howard said he loves her. He said she's his favorite. He said she says it with such authority. Howard said that Sean Spicer didn't have that authority. He said this Sanders is saying it so it sounds like that's what happened. Howard did an impression of her talking about Trump like he's a super hero. Howard said he saw that movie with Iron Man taking on Loki and Thor and he hung in there. He said he's not a god. He said that he held his own against Captain America too. He said Loki got his ass kicked by Hulk. He said no one is taking on Hulk. Howard did his impression of Sarah Sanders talking about Trump like he's the white Black Panther. Howard said she's the best. He did more of her impression saying things with such authority. Howard said he wants her to be his spokesperson. He said she'd say he looked great on the Letterman show. He said he wants her as his press secretary and he's not even running for anything. Robin said she thinks they have to end the news. She said they're running out of time. Howard said he just spent 20 minutes on Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the kazoo version of the opening theme of the show. He said that's performed by Fred Norris. He said he was on vacation for 2 weeks and he wondered what Fred does. Fred said this is what he does. Howard said Fred makes kazoo recordings of songs. He said he got this over vacation and this is what Fred is working on. He said it's also the Martian national anthem. Howard figured it took weeks. Fred said it took about an hour. Howard said it was worth every minute. He said they call him the Eddie Van Halen of kazoo.
Howard said everything pisses him off. He said he was upset with Fred making that bit. He said that's what he was spending his vacation doing. Robin said at least he's sharing what he does. Howard said he's going to play spoons next. Fred said he's not a spoon guy.
Howard said it's Wednesday there at SiriusXM. He said they've all gathered again. He said he's excited to see Jennifer Lawrence today. He said she's a great actress and a great beauty. He said he enjoyed her movie ''Red Sparrow.'' He said it's about a spy who goes to whore school. He said beauty is a super power like Robin said yesterday. Robin said she made guys talk by luring them into bed.
Howard said he was thinking about Stephen Colbert yesterday. He said he knows a lot of these late night guys. He said that he's friends with Jimmy Kimmel who will be hosting the Oscars. He said he likes them all. Robin said they all seem to like each other. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel is a great admirer of Colbert. He said he's not sure how Jimmy and Jimmy feel about each other. He said Kimmel had his Jimmy first in late night but not really because Fallon was on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he had endless meetings yesterday and he was talking about the Oscars. He said they were thinking about taking bets on the movies. He said not everyone was into it and not everyone gives a fuck about who wins. Robin said they don't know who even won last year.
Howard said they got into a huge debate yesterday. He said before they went on vacation the argument was about who was smarter between Brent and Memet. He said Memet is a writer on the show. He said they were arguing about who is smarter. He said while they were away they had the IQ tests taken and both Brent and Memet took them. He said the results are in and only the doctor knows the results. He said they did this in the past. He said Will came in with the highest IQ. He said Gary came in with a 121. He said that was interesting because he's not sure how that happened.
Robin asked if he doesn't believe that. Howard said Gary is very smart. He said he reads a lot. He said sometimes simple instructions are lost on him. Will was a 130. Robin said he may have been smarter before all the drinking.
Howard said he refuses to take an IQ test because he'd be really depressed to find out it's low. Gary said he's looking at this thing online and they have celebrity IQs. He asked what he thinks Matt Damon is. Howard said he thinks he's high. He said it has to be over 121. He said he's saying 146. Gary said they say he's 160 and so is Quentin Tarantino. They also say that Dolph Lundgren is too. Howard said he believes that.
Gary said Conan is 156. Howard said he believes that. Gary said Bill O'Reilly is a 150. Gary went through a bunch of other IQs and Robin said this can't be real. Gary said Reggie Jackson is a 160. Gary said Claire Danes and Natalie Portman are at 140. Shakira was up there too. Howard said that's enough, he doesn't care.
Howard gave a list of the staff IQs like Jon Hein having a 121 and JD at a 106. He said Sal was a 102. He said he likes that JD beat Sal. He said Jon Hein hates his score. He asked Jon why that is. He said that's pretty good. Howard said he can't hear anyone out there. Jon said he was so disappointed. He said he didn't want to be the smartest but he thought it was higher than that. Howard said that's how he'd feel too. He said he's called a genius but he wants to keep people guessing. He said if he's retarded he doesn't want to know it. Robin said he could be a poster child for a high functioning retarded person.
Howard asked Gary who he was saying was really rich but he's not that smart. Gary said it's Ray Dalio. Gary said there are a lot of rich people who didn't go to great schools. He said there was a guy who was thinking about buying the Mets and he went to some quiet college in Texas. Howard said he wishes he could have gone to Harvard or Yale. He said he respects all of those schools. Gary said he thinks that Howard is as smart as many people who went to those schools. Howard said he has to keep everyone guessing.
Howard said Bobo wants to say that the IQ test is bullshit. Howard took his call and Bobo said he did very good. Howard said he did very well for the limited intelligence he has. Bobo said it's an embarrassing score of 89. Howard said it's actually 87. He said Eric the Actor had 90 and Jeff the Drunk had 90. He said Wendy had a 61. Bobo said it's all off. He said Jon Hein should have scored higher. He said it's not right. He said he's higher than Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie won't take one. He said he'd probably crash and burn on that.
Howard played a song parody about Bobo and hung up. Howard said he just cut some wicked gas in there. He said the stink that just came out of his asshole... He asked how any woman can lick a guy's asshole. He said that he's glad Jennifer Lawrence isn't there yet. He said she'd ask if he shit his pants. He said he had vegetarian meatballs last night and they make him gassy.
Howard said Brent and Memet took their IQ test and there's a lot of battling about who is smarter. Howard said Gary asked who he'd bet on. He said Gary said he would say Brent is 10 points higher. Howard said he agrees with Gary. He said he thinks Brent is going to crush it. He's a really smart guy.
Robin asked if anyone bet on Memet. Gary came in and said they both came back from taking their tests. He had a mouth full of food. He was finishing a bagel. Gary said Brent was saying he crushed it with the test. He said Memet thinks he fucked up. He said when he took the test he felt like Memet. He said he didn't feel great about it. Gary said he thinks that he's basing it on how competent Brent is.
Howard said Brent has a self awareness that Memet does not. Howard said he's able to remember things and come up with facts quickly. He said that's a sign of intelligence. Howard asked where Brent is. He said he heard Gary has signs about how he has to slow himself down. He said he should speed up. Gary said he's just trying to be better. He said he's trying to think before he does something. Robin said he's working toward one completion of a task.
Howard said Gary is telling himself to think. Gary said he just wants to slow down. Howard asked if the guys are on microphone. The guys were all sitting in the studio. Howard said he has new equipment so he had to figure that out.
Howard asked Brent what he feels about this test. Brent said he feels he did well on two parts of the test. He said they're memory tests. He said that you have to repeat the numbers they give you. Howard said he wouldn't do well on that. He said he's very dull when it comes to numbers. He said he doesn't need a sign to remember to think though.
Jason said that Brent thinks he would do better if he hadn't smoked so much weed. Howard said when he read the study about how when a baby breast feeds they can go up 5 points it's mind blowing. Gary said Bobo could have been a 92. Howard said that's a lot better than an 87.
Howard said maybe if his mom had put her tit in his mouth he'd be as smart as Dolph Lundgren. Robin said that doesn't mean he would have been smarter.
Howard said Dr. Lou was very smart. He said he bets his mom's tits were in his mouth. Howard said probably not actually. He said they just didn't do that back then. Howard did an impression of his mom talking about how they were told to bottle feed. She said she regrets not doing it. Howard said he's a big dummy because of that. She said he's done well for a dummy. He had his dad agreeing that he's a dummy too.
Howard said Memet and Brent have had this argument about who is the smartest. He said he was thinking about betting on who is the smarter one. He asked Memet if he is confident. Memet said he didn't want to come in here. He said they made him. He said he doesn't have anything to say at this point. He said he's waiting for the doctor to come in. Howard said he wants to hear from him about what he feels. Memet said he didn't say he did horribly. He said he did worse than he expected to. Howard said Gary came in with a very high score. Brent said he thinks Memet did well. Memet said Will said no one walks out feeling good about it. Brent said it was difficult but that was good for him.
Memet said he is upset with the doctor too. He said Brent came out very confident. He said he asked him how he did in certain sections. He said Brent said he thought he crushed it but he got a bunch wrong. He said he doesn't think he did as well as he thinks he did. Howard said Memet thinks that Brent is going to have to kiss his boot. Howard asked what's up with kissing the boot thing. Memet said people aren't too smart if they don't know what that is. Howard said it's like he's a king and the guy kissing it is a servant. Memet said that's what it is. He said to him there's nothing worse than kissing someone's boot. Robin asked when he's going to call for a duel.
Memet said he was upsetting him this morning saying Brent can make arguments and he cant. Howard said he didn't say that. He said he has a lot of exposure with Brent and he didn't say that Memet can't. He said he doesn't have that much contact with him.
Memet said hank the Dwarf could remember a lot of stuff but you don't think he was a great thinker. Gary said he was a bright guy. He said he knew a lot of stuff. He said they just had him in when he was drunk. Memet said there are a lot of people who remember stuff who aren't that smart. Howard reminded Gary to slow down.
Gary asked what Memet's line for embarrassment is. Memet said he's keeping some of his thoughts for when the doctor comes in. Howard said the doctor will be coming in next Tuesday. Gary asked what Memet's embarrassing score will be. Memet didn't give a number. He said he doesn't think he'll be a 130 over Will. He said he might have thought he'd be over Jon Hein before the test but he has to get at least a 115. He said it will devastate him if he doesn't have a higher score than that. He said he has to try to walk out with his head held high if he does. He said he thinks he's still in the game. He said there were a lot of shenanigans going on during the test. Robin asked if he thought the test was valid. Memet said from what he hears the doctor was cheer leading Brent during the test. Brent said that's wrong.
Gary said that the doctor told them all they did well in the parts they did well in. JD said he didn't get cheered. Howard said he's insulted by this. He said they went to great lengths to get a fair test. Memet said he's going to accept the results no matter what. He said he would do a section and think he didn't do well. He said the doctor said it was important that he not say anything. Howard said he's going with Brent all the way in this. Brent said he was told he has a fierce memory.
Memet said a lot of this is about mindset. Howard said he's picturing him shaving his head. Jason said that they all took the test with this doctor. He said they took the 4th edition and they're up to the 6th now. He said he found the 4th and gave it to Brent and Memet. Howard asked if Memet is afraid to shave his head. Brent said that Kurt Angle shaved his head and it never came back the same way. Howard asked if Memet is afraid of that. Memet said he has some things to say. Gary said it was Memet who called for this test but he's so upset about it. Gary said now he's saying that the test isn't that important.
Howard said they could get Memet a toupee. He said he can use Bobo's toupee. Memet said he's worried about what his neighbors think after this. He said he doesn't want them thinking he's a skin head or anything.
Howard said Benjy wants to bet on Memet in this test. Memet said that these tests aren't that important. Gary said that he was the one who brought them into this argument. Memet said that he graduated from therapy yesterday. He said he's done so well in it that he's graduated. Howard said he's been in it for 19 years and he's still a beginner. Memet only went for 8 months.
Howard said he wants to bet that Brent is going to win this. Benjy said he wants to bet on Memet. Brent asked when Benjy is due because he looks pregnant. Howard said they should give him a sonogram. Gary said he's wearing a ''Can't tuck it'' shirt.
Howard asked Benjy what's going on. Benjy said he'll bet that Memet will win. Howard said he can put up $100 on that. Brent said he thinks he's going to be in the 120s. Benjy said he was surprised at Jason's score. He said he thought he would score higher.
Howard said Benjy should take the test. Benjy said he's like Howard and he doesn't want to take it unless he could win.
Howard said he has Memet's therapist on the phone. He picked up and the fake therapist said he's retarded and that's why he graduated him. He said he was tired of looking at his balding head. Howard asked Memet how many days a week he went. Memet said it was once a week and then he went once every other week. The therapist said he has no idea how much he had to listen to. He said it was one stupid statement after another. He said he was pulling his own hair out and he started looking like him.
Memet said his therapist said something about Brent. He said that Brent is higher up over there and it's sad that he has to prove that he's smarter than him. Gary said Memet is the one who brought it up. Gary said everyone on the panel is equal. Jason said he heard that before the test they both went online and took a 10 question test. He said he heard Memet quit halfway though. Memet said he didn't want Brent to have any information. That's why he quit.
Howard asked JD who he thinks will win. JD said he's going with everyone else but he's willing to bet that the spread will be 10 points. Brent said that Memet is a nervous Nellie so what he does is gets nervous and second guesses himself. He said he's probably the most insecure person there.
Howard asked if Benjy is going to pay up if he loses. Benjy said he always does. He said he will pay up.
Benjy was willing to take action with JD about the spread. He said he's going with 8 points. JD said he'll do that with Benjy and 5 points with Gary.
Gary asked Memet if he feels he did well enough that day to come close to Brent. Memet said he still thinks he's a smart person. Howard said he said he was going to blow him away. Memet said smart people don't walk around saying they're smart. Brent said Memet went around saying that. He said it's on tape.
Howard said how about betting on Benjy's weight. He said he's saying 300. Gary said he'll go 290. Howard said he was making a joke. Benjy said he's way under 300. He said he's around 260 on the studio scale. Howard asked what he's doing. Benjy said he's just eating.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked how they can make the wait until Tuesday. She said she's going with Memet and she thinks there's a big age difference there. She said she wants to know the answer today. Howard said it's Tuesday. Mariann said it's killing her.
Memet said he thinks you can tell intelligence by looking into someone's eyes. He said you look at Brent and you don't see intelligence. He said it's a dull stare. Howard said Brent strikes him as a really bright guy. Memet said he's good at memorizing things. He said he doesn't have critical thinking.
Brent said by Memet's age he had already won 2 awards for producing radio shows. Memet asked where he went to school. Brent said he didn't.
Howard said in all fairness he won for putting shit in a fan. Brent said that getting ratings in terrestrial radio is very difficult. Howard said Brent is very aware and seems to have a good knowledge of facts. Memet said that he's like Rain Man. Howard said he was very smart.
Gary asked why he's attacking the test he called for. Memet said that test wasn't an accurate representation of his intelligence.
Howard asked what the bets are. Memet said he's not looking for anyone to bet. Gary asked if he'll bet him that he will beat Brent by 5 points. Memet said he will bet that the spread won't be more than 5 points. Brent asked if he will beat Jason's score. Howard said Jason was 118. Memet said he'd want someone to kiss his boot if he wins. Howard said that's a very odd thing to want someone to do. Howard played a song parody about Memet asking for people to kiss his boot.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks about this. Fred said he's thinking they'll both be around a 125. He said he thinks Brent will do better. He said he thinks Brent could have a 130 and Memet could have a 120. Howard said this is why he never goes to Fred. He told him to go make another Kazoo song.
Benjy said that he thinks IQ declines with age. Howard said he has to move on. He took a call from a guy who said they're giving Memet a hard time and he's obviously the smartest guy on the show. He said you can just tell. The caller said he thinks he can toss a salad like no one's business. Howard said that must be Memet's dad.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who said that Memet is so fucking gay. He said he needs to come out. Howard said this is about IQ. Ramone said the kissing the boot thing is a gay thing. He said it's the gayest thing ever. Jason said he was willing to blow Ralph at some point. Memet said he knows he would beat Ralph. He said he guarantees he's higher than Ralph. Brent said if he scores lower than Ralph he has to delete his Instagram. Howard asked if he's getting off of social media. Memet said he's not getting off. He said he just doesn't read the comments anymore.
Howard said he has to read comments to meet women. Memet said he blocks negative comments. Howard said he isn't doing what he told him to do. He told him to stop reading comments. Howard told him to go get a real therapist. Memet said that has nothing to do with how good a therapist is.
Jason said the guys noticed Memet was looking up how to deal with hair loss. Memet said that's not true. He said everyone is out to get him there. Robin said they are not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet really is a shit bag. He said he can't imagine that any woman would want to spend time with him. He said he's with Brent on this one.
Howard said everyone is getting into personal attacks. Robin said that has nothing to do with the IQ. Howard said he heard Memet met with Sal's hair plug doctor. Memet said that was a long time ago and he was told he's not losing his hair.
Howard asked who has bets. JD said he has bets with Gary and Benjy on the spread. Gary said he should have odds on this too. JD said he doesn't know anything about odds. Howard told them to work on that off the air.
Howard asked if anyone else wants to bet. Jason said he wants to bet on Memet. He said all of the money is going to Brent. Robin said she'll do that. They had a 3 point spread.
Howard said Ronnie just came in. Ronnie said he thinks Memet is playing games with everyone. He said he'll bet 100 bucks that he'll win. He said it's a straight bet. He said he's playing a head game there. Howard said he's saying that Memet thinks he won and he's just playing this up. JD said he came to him after the test and said he was nervous and not to tell anyone. Then he was out telling everyone. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie is wrong so he'll take that bet. Gary took it too. Jason said he's concerned that if Memet is going to say the test wasn't fair if he doesn't do well. Memet said it wasn't fair but he's going to accept whatever it is.
Benjy asked if Memet has taken an IQ test before. Memet said he took the SAT but he won't say what that score was. He said it could spoil the IQ. He said he scored very close to a 1200 and that means it should be around a 120 IQ. Brent said they're two completely different things. Gary asked what the actual score was. He said he's messing with them. Memet said he doesn't remember the actual score. He said look at the colleges they went to and their education.
Howard said this is going to be good next week. Memet and Brent were arguing about residency in the military and about where Memet went to school. Memet said he wasn't a resident in North Carolina at the time.
Memet said that everyone is coming down on him and they all think they're better than him. Howard said that therapy really worked. He said Memet did brag about being the smarter one. He said he'd bet that he beat Sal. Brent said he never said he was the smartest one there. Memet said he implied it. Gary said that Memet was the one who accused him of thinking he was smarter. Brent said that he's 46 years old and it's not like anyone has never told him that.
Howard said he likes when Brent comes on the air and he likes his analysis of things. Memet said that he doesn't fact check things.
Howard said Memet got into this because he thought he was smarter than Brent. Robin said they should get into who is more stable mentally. Howard said he'd bet on that. Benjy said he wants to give them a math question that Trump got wrong. He said 17X6. Memet said he's not doing this. Brent said he has to do math like Howard. Memet came up with 102. Brent came up with it a second later. Benjy said Trump got it wrong and he insisted he was right. Howard said he can't imagine that happened. Benjy said they did it in 2004 right there on the couch. Benjy said Trump was positive he was right. He said Howard went along with him at first. Howard said all of them are dummies. Howard said he has to take a break. He said this is all a promotion for Tuesday. Howard thanked Memet and Brent for doing this. They went to break after that.
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Howard said there's an expectation that the dog should act like the previous dog but that's not happening. He said we have too many dogs in cages as it is. He said their souls are being drained from them. Jim said it was 50 grand too. Howard said give that money to the shelter. Jim said have fun with Jennifer Lawrence because she's fine as hell.
Howard said he wants to play a phony phone call. He said everyone was a fan of Ronnie's mom the other day so they got her involved in a call. Howard said this is Ronnie's Mom calling a Psychic. Howard said how about that premise. Robin said she likes that. Howard said Ronnie's Mom is all sexed up like Ronnie.
Howard played the call and Ronnie's Mom called into this psychic and asked to hear from her Ronnie. The psychic told her that her Ronnie is laying next to her hugging her and things like that. Ronnie's Mom said she uses the 12 inch dildo on herself thinking about him. She had the psychic talking about the smell of his balls and things like that as well. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said Amy was good. He said she was terrific. He said he has a few things to remind people about. Howard said he has a couple of things to get out of his mind. He said the tribute to David Bowie is airing on Friday and Saturday on Howard 101 this week. He said that he loves Bowie and they have honored him with all of these great artists.
Howard said he was reading Bob Lefsetz's column and he wrote about this woman he had never heard of. He said he must be out of it. He said Bob listens a lot to SiriusXM and he was talking about Brandy Carlisle's song ''The Joke'' and he didn't think much of it at first but he got hooked after a few listens. Howard said that happens to him too. He said she was good. He said she was on Jimmy Kimmel Live and she has this song ''The Joke'' that he enjoyed. Howard played some of the song. He said Bob's point was that the song was good but how do you find them. Robin said that was her question too. Howard said he started looking up all of her videos and she does a lot of cool cover versions. He said she met Steven Stills and he came to see her and she performed ''Helplessly Hoping'' for him. Howard said Steven stood up with his hands folded and listened to the song. He said he thought that was a good story.
Howard said he spent like a half hour watching Brandy Carlisle videos. He said she did a song with Sheryl Crow and she's very well known except to him. Robin said she doesn't know her either.
Fred found the cover of ''Helplessly Hoping'' for Howard. Howard took a little time to listen to that. Howard said she has a good voice too. He said ''Lets spoon Fred.'' Howard said he'll let her get to the chorus and then he'll bail. Fred played Robin singing over the song.
Howard said that's enough of that. He said another show note is that everyone loves Fred's drops and they're doing a special about that. He said they're putting together another drop show. He had some examples. Howard played one of Donald Trump saying ''Titties'' but it was actually ''Cities.'' He said that on the campaign trail. The audio was cutting out so it sounded like titties.
Howard said he has some other drops like this one. He played Ringo Starr's ''Peace and Love'' clip. Howard played the full clip of Ringo talking about how he's not signing things for fans anymore. Howard said that's the sweetest way a celebrity has told his fans to fuck off.
Howard played a clip of Beetlejuice vomiting and asked Robin if she knows what that is. Robin asked if that's Beetlejuice hurling. Howard said that's right. He said even his vomiting is cute.
Howard played a clip of a woman giving oral and choking. Robin said she thinks that's from a porn movie. Howard said that's Aurora Snow. He said she's blowing a guy and gagging on his penis. Howard said a blind listener named Pete found that for them. Howard said he thinks the worst part of porn is the sound. He said he's not sure he could get an erection from that. He said Aurora has retired from porn and she works as a columnist now. Howard played some audio of the blind guy Pete telling them about how he found the clip.
Howard played a clip that Fred plays all the time. It was Angry Alice saying ''Who dis?'' Robin knew who that was. Howard said that's when Sal and Richard called her with a phony phone call. He said they threatened to take away her Sirius. Howard played the call the drop came from. Sal was telling her that she has used racist comments on the show and they're going to take away her subscription. Then he called her a bitch and got her all worked up. Then Richard got on and she did the ''Who dis?'' thing. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he likes it when Bob Dylan's son can come out with a hit song like that Wallflowers song. Howard said he has Jennifer Lawrence there and she's there to promote ''Red Sparrow.'' Howard said that's really her. He said he's excited to meet her. Howard thanked her for showing up. He asked if she's exhausted from this promotion thing. Jennifer said it's so bizarre and so different from what she does acting. She said she always has a meltdown while doing them. She said she slept all day yesterday and she's thankful for her life.
Howard asked if she can ask not to do so much promotion. Jennifer said that's how you sell a movie so she has to do it. She said she wishes there was a different way of doing it. Howard said it's also like the rock star dilemma because they have to go out and tour.
Howard said it has to be pressure to be the highest paid actress. Jennifer said she feels guilty about complaining now. Howard said he complains about everything and he's paid well. Howard said he's doing the Letterman show and he hasn't stopped complaining.
Howard said you can't even explain what the X-factor is with actresses. Howard said Julia Roberts could be in any movie and she lit up the screen. Howard said Jennifer is like that too. He asked if other actresses are jealous of her right now. Jennifer said no. She said everyone is very nice to her. She said it's just temporary so it's not even an ''ish'' right now.
Howard asked if men are jealous of her success. Jennifer said it can create a dynamic. She said she has had amazing co-stars but there have been some weird ones. She said she thinks she knows what it is. She said she has had a lovely experience. She said it's been a very nice time.
Howard asked if she had to sit there wondering about doing the Russian accent. Howard said he thinks she pulled it off. Jennifer thanked him for that. Howard asked who brought the movie to her. She said it was the guy who directed her in 3 Hunger Games. She said that he brought it to her and she didn't want to do a spy movie but it's a completely different perspective. She said it's not glamorizing it at all.
Howard said she says something about going to ''whore school'' and the movie is cool because it reminded him of Jane Fonda in Klut. He said it's a woman learning how to get things out of men with their sexuality. Howard said you can get guys to do anything. Howard said he listens to women singing and if he sees they're hot he doesn't hear the music. Howard said guys will just give up everything for hot women. Jennifer said not everyone had sex with her in the movie. Jennifer said she gets ahead by using intuition and sexuality. She said she's trained to use her body but she prevails by using her mind.
Howard said he thought she was going to kill every guy but that's not what it was about. Howard said he summed up the movie saying it was a ballerina who goes to whore school to be a spy. He said they all said they'd go see that.
Howard asked Jennifer about the movie testing and if she was part of that. Jennifer said she likes to be in the know. She said she wants to be more involved in all of that. Howard said it's horrible when a movie is coming out and then it opens. He asked who calls to tell her about how it's doing. Jennifer said her agent does that. She said she just answers and asks ''What's wrong?''
Jennifer said that she got the call about Harvey Weinstein trying to use her in his defense and she snapped over that. Robin said that's like a person saying she has a black friend so they're not racist. Howard asked if she knows how many times he's had to use Robin like that.
Jennifer said that she gets that call and it can be anything so she snaps. She said she went into her room and shook over a call she got. Jennifer said she's always waiting for everything to crumble down. Howard said that's a passive aggressive move to leave a message and not just tell you.
Howard asked if life got crazy after Hunger Games. He said that movie made hundreds of millions of bucks. He said then everyone is following her. Jennifer said she wishes she was having as much sex as they say she is. Howard said he doesn't read much about her having sex. He said he stuck up for her and for society when the hacked pictures came out. He said that's disgusting. He said if she wants it out there that's one thing but they hacked her phone. Robin said don't hurt yourself patting yourself on the back. Jennifer said it actually means a lot.
Jennifer said that things got bigger for a while. She said that she can't even take her dog out for a walk without someone posting about her looking lonely. She said that things die down after a few weeks after promotion for a movie. She said it ebbs and flows.
Howard said he likes being famous because he never liked going outside anyway. Jennifer said she feels that way too. She said she had a feeling Hunger Games would be a hit. She said she has the excuse not to go out because she's too famous. Howard said he hates walking outside. He said he has the excuse now. Howard said no one really bothers him when he does go out though.
Howard asked if people were betting on her being a big star. Howard said she describes herself being a pain in the ass. Jennifer said she was hyperactive and she's still annoying. She said she's not a pleasure to be around. Howard asked if she's an annoying girlfriend. Jennifer said she actually gets good reviews. She said she really doesn't know. Howard asked what would be annoying about her. Jennifer said she's not demanding. She said she took a lie detector test and she said she's not high maintenance. She said she came off lying about being a good tipper. She said she does 35 percent in a cab. She said she won't tip well if someone didn't do a good job. Howard asked if she worries about what people will think. Jennifer said she does. She said if you have the money then tip. She said that she'll click on the highest option when she tips in the yellow cab. Howard said he always tips.
Howard said how about the guy who is in the service industry who needs that money. Howard said he tips 1000 percent. He said he worries about what people will think. Jennifer said she's not an asshole so she has to tip. Howard said his therapist tells him he should tip like a regular person. He said he can't do that. Jennifer said that's guilt complex. She said if she meets someone she hates she worries about it and she'll act better. She said they don't have guilt complexes that keep them up at night so they don't get better. Howard said that will keep you grounded. Jennifer said her friends are dicks.
Howard said he didn't think she cared about friends. Jennifer said she didn't have any from 14-17. She said then she met Laura and she had a friend. She said she's there with her now.
Howard said he read about her growing up and acting as characters when her parents would answer the door. Howard said he wants an example of that. Jennifer said you would have to go along with whoever she was and she'd go out and ring the bell and they'd have to play along with her. Howard said when she's 9 she plays a prostitute or something. Jennifer said she was in church singing a song and she channeled someone and started spinning a boa. She said she forgot the bible. She said it was her channeling a prostitute or something. She said she wasn't playing a prostitute or anything. It was just a thing she came up with.
Howard said her parents would kick her out of the house when she got too annoying. Howard said that's very sad. Jennifer said she was one of 3 and both of her parents worked and they couldn't deal with the energy. Howard asked if her parents are still together. Jennifer said they are. She said she would hear them laughing every night before she went to sleep. She said they really do love each other. Howard said that's very nice.
Howard asked about dropping out of school at 14. He said his parents would have kicked his fucking ass. Howard asked how she convinced her parents to let her do that. Jennifer said at first it was just for the summer. Someone started playing music and Jennifer said she thought she was being played off.
Jennifer was talking about falling when she goes to award shows and how Anderson Cooper said he thought she was faking it. She said she fell a lot on the Hunger Games press tour. Howard said his wife moves fast a lot. He said that falling down is something you must go over again and again in your head. Howard said that it has to be tough to get up and make a speech after falling. Howard asked if she really wanted to win the Academy Award. Jennifer said of course she did. Howard said he would want to win too. Jennifer said she is fine when she doesn't. She said she didn't think she should have won for ''Joy'' anyway.
Howard asked about dropping out of school and going to her parents about that. Howard said she went to New york for the summer. Jennifer said toward the end of the summer things were going well. She said she was there with her 18 year old brother. She said her parents came out and saw she was really happy and her mom had never seen her like that. She said that she was really confident and happy. She wasn't happy in school. Jennifer said she wasn't very good in school. She said she couldn't pass a third grade math test. Howard said it took him a half hour to get through 17X6. Jennifer said she can't really do multiplication. She said she can't do a quiz. Howard said he wouldn't do that to her.
Howard said at 14 you go to New York City and she does her thing. Jennifer said her dad came to take her home and he walks in. She said her phone rang and a studio wanted to fly her to Los Angeles to screen test for a sitcom. Jennifer said that her dad was wondering how much money it was going to be. She said they flew to California and her dad saw her act for the first time. She said that someone told him that she's good and it reminded him of when her brothers played sports. She said that her dad also came to see the apartment she was living in and it was rat infested and didn't have hot water. He knew she really wanted to do this.
Howard said a lot of people set themselves up for disappointment. He said she didn't do that. Jennifer said she just wanted to act and get a paycheck. She said she was going to give it 5 years and see how it worked out.
Howard said that to be a great actress you have to be odd. He said she would go to school and lie about ailments. Howard said she told the other kids she had a wooden leg. Jennifer said she had to stick out. Howard asked why she did that. Jennifer said she doesn't know why she wanted that. She said she did love surgery and the idea of it. She said she wanted to have an appendicitis attack. She said she really loved medical stuff. Jennifer said she hated field trips because they were all treated like cows. She said she just wanted to stand out. She went full method and she limped and all of that.
Howard said she also threw herself out of the bus. Howard said that's a real 'Notice me'' kind of thing. Jennifer said she was reading a book called ''Ransom'' and it was about kids who are kidnapped by their bus driver. She said she got up and screamed that they were being kidnapped. She said they all put their arms out the window to flag someone down. She said that she screamed that they were being kidnapped and they dared her to jump out of the bus. She said she did it and took off running. She said that the bus was stopped at the time. She said she ran home and then almost got suspended. She said she got out of doing homework claiming that she had post traumatic stress.
Howard said Jennifer is a wild person. He said she's a lot of fun. Jennifer said she's a nice guy. Howard asked if she has calmed down. Jennifer said if she gets drunk she'll take her top off and sing karaoke. Howard said she's fun. Howard asked if other women get mad if she takes her top off. She said they are friends and they don't get mad.
Howard asked if she had some guy come up to her telling her she's very beautiful and she should be a model. Jennifer said that did happen. She said that he was legit though. She said that they didn't know that it was kind of creepy since they're from Kentucky. Howard said all of the cards were in her favor.
Howard asked what show she went to audition for. She said it was a TBS show with Bill Engvall. She said that no one knew about the show. She said she was 16 at the time. Howard asked if her parents came out there to L.A. with her. She said they did. She said they did a house swap with a family. She said that could have gone wrong too but it didn't.
Howard asked if she was advising someone to start out she's just going to tell them to get work and not think they're going to be huge. Jennifer said she did a lot of commercials when she was starting out.
Howard said he heard she met the Verizon guy who does the ''Can you hear me now?'' Jennifer said she still gets star struck. She said she did Andy Cohen and he surprised her with something. The show isn't out yet though. Howard asked if she met Kim Kardashian. Jennifer said this was Housewives stuff. Howard said he loves Beverly Hills Housewives. They spent a little time talking about the people on that show.
Howard asked if she watches The Bachelor. Jennifer said she can't get into that. Howard said they have a group of people who watch and circle things on the screen with laser pointers. Jennifer said she's 4 episodes in on Celebrity Big Brother. She said she's pissed now that she knows who won. Howard said he was pissed that Mark McGrath was in there. He said he had a career.
Howard asked if she's having a good time now. Jennifer said she is. Howard said he has more questions for her. Jennifer said she's fine.
Howard got back to the California move and asked about getting some independent films and how there must be less pressure there. Howard said the parts are sometimes just better. Jennifer said she was doing that from the beginning. She said she went to Disney and had a meeting there. She said she told them she didn't think she was a Disney kid. She said her parents freaked out about that. Howard said she kind of blew it. Jennifer said she blew it big time. She said she just didn't want to be a Disney kid.
Howard said she got the movie ''Winter's Bone'' and a lot of people must have auditioned. Howard said they told Jennifer she was too good looking. She had this idea to go in and audition as a mess. He said she tried to rough up her look and it worked. Jennifer said it did. She said they didn't invite her the second time and she flew out to do it even though she wasn't invited. Howard said she was hyper focused on that. Howard said she wasn't busy with guys or anything. She said she didn't even have friends.
Howard asked about going in for this ''Red Sparrow'' and if she had to get a body double to do the ballet. Jennifer said she had a coach for the accent. She said it was mortifying at first. She said she was listening for a couple of days and then you do homework there the stresses are. She said she had to take words from the script and put them in sentences. Howard said she doesn't really read her lines until she's in the make up chair. Jennifer said yeah. Howard said that keeps it fresh. Jennifer said she makes sure she doesn't have any issues before she goes to shoot it. She said she has the idea of what she's saying in her train of thought. Howard asked if she doubts herself with the accent. Howard said she pulled it off in this one. Howard said he thinks she did really well. Jennifer said he has to back off because she won't have this conversation. Howard said he and his wife both think she pulled it off.
Howard asked about the nude scenes because he appreciated it. He said it wasn't just to be gratuitous. He said she was playing the part of a woman giving a blow job to a guy and she got naked doing that. Howard asked if this is R-rated. Jennifer said of course it is. She said there's dick in this movie. Howard said that's right. He said that was shocking. He said he forgot about it. Jennifer said she thinks it's 2 dicks.
Howard said when the guy pulls his pants off he likes the sexuality of the movie. Howard said it was necessary for the movie. He said he would have failed whore school. He said his dick is so small. Jennifer said she's never had a man look at her earnestly and tell her their dick is small. Howard said he never makes love to his wife with the lights on.
Howard said it was fascinating to watch. He said she should be proud of this movie. Jennifer said she really is. Robin said she should be proud of a lot of her work.
Howard asked why she didn't get Twilight. Jennifer said she didn't really know what it was. She said she got 5 pages and she was told to act. She said then it came out and she was like ''Wow! Hot damn!''
Jennifer said that Emma Stone got a part she really wanted. She said that it was in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. She said she went to see it and Emma was perfect in it. She said she couldn't have done the accent in that movie.
Howard asked if Hunger Games was like getting a movie like Twilight for her. Jennifer said she wasn't that famous and she knew it was going to be a life changer. She said that the fear was only being known for that character. Howard said that's her talent because she's been able to get other roles and did great. Jennifer said she was lucky she met David O. Russell. Howard said she has such great chemistry with Bradley Cooper. Howard said he thought they'd end up together. Howard said he asked Bradley about that off the air. He said it just never happened. Jennifer said it didn't happen.
Howard said that it's easy to fall in love on the set. Jennifer said she's not just strictly an actor person. She said she'd go with camera guys too if she could. Howard asked if it's a mistake to be in a relationship with someone in the business. Jennifer said you can't help it sometimes. She said just be a professional about it.
Howard asked if she'll go after camera men. She said she is the aggressor with them. She said she really doesn't get hit on. She said her sex life is not lit. Howard asked if guys think they're out of her league. Jennifer said she's not sure.
Howard said it's kind of sad. He said it must be hard to know if someone really loves you. Jennifer said she's been able to spot that immediately. Howard asked how she knows. She said it's just something in their eyes.
Howard asked if she really has something for Larry David. Jennifer said she has a flirting thing with Larry. She said it's just one way though. She said she wouldn't date Larry but she likes flirting with him.
Howard said Red Sparrow is coming out this week. He said then someone is going to call her and tell her how much it made. Jennifer said she didn't sign up to get her character annihilated every day. She said she gets such stupid shit. She said you have your character assaulted every day and you ask yourself what you're doing. She said that's all you have at the end of the day. Howard asked if she's on social media. She said she's not but it gets to her. She said she has to be in the know about things. She said she said something at the BAFTAs and she was joking with this person who introduced her and then England lit up and hated her for saying what she did. She said they thought she was so rude even though it was an inside joke.
Howard asked Jennifer about this dress thing she brought up. He asked if it was really cold out or something. Howard asked what the criticism was. Jennifer said it was cold out and the men were wearing coats and she didn't. She said she was wearing a great dress and she wanted to show off the dress. She said she wanted it photographed like that. She said that she wasn't going to put a coat on. She said that she's fine for 90 seconds being without a coat.
Howard said one of the women there said she had to lose some weight. Jennifer said she was told she did have to lose weight and that was a reality. She said she dieted for Red Sparrow. She said she lost the will to do it though. Howard said if he had to be in a movie he wouldn't eat for a month. Jennifer said it was the way they went about it that was aggressive. Howard said what they did was tell her to get a coach to tell her what to eat. Jennifer said it was inhumane.
Howard asked if they were photographing her naked. Jennifer said they were. She said they were showing her how fat she was compared to these women who had different body types. Jennifer said that female producer came in holding the photos and told her to use them as motivation for the diet.
Howard asked if she has ever done nay therapy to get through that stuff. Jennifer said she went to a therapist after her plane had double engine failure. She said she hasn't been catching up lately though. Howard said she's in a bubble right now so there's a lot of pressure involved. Jennifer said you do have to find a way to get grounded in a world you can't change. Jennifer said she got very upset and wanted to get out of the business. She said she was going to stop doing studio movies. She said she can't do theater so she'd have to get out for a while. She said she doesn't think she'd be good at theater.
Howard said she's having some life and she's only 27. Jennifer said this is her last thing and then she's flying out. Howard said she's done everything. Jennifer said she's doing Ellen and then the Oscars. She said she wasn't eating over in England so her body looks so good right now. Howard said it would be nice if you could ignore all of that. Jennifer said that press tours are made to break you down. She said you are at your weakest and then they start attacking you. She said she will get over it though. She said she knows that from experience.
Howard asked if she's in a relationship. Jennifer said she isn't. She said it's been a long time. Howard asked if that's okay. Jennifer said it is. She said it's hard out there. Howard said it's very hard to find someone you can trust. Jennifer said she's been lucky and she has dated some great people. She said she's attracted to good people. Robin asked if she can have casual sex too or does she have to be in a relationship. Jennifer said she has always been with boyfriends. She said she talks like she likes it but she doesn't do it. She said she's also a germaphobe and she's made it this far without an STD. Howard said he tells men and women that they have to use contraception for oral sex. Howard said that's how people get STDs. Jennifer said she has doctors involved if she's up to that point. Howard asked if she uses Purell. Jennifer said she does. She hates people shaking her hand. Howard said he hates it when they do it as you're about to eat.
Jennifer said she sees people out in public sick and she said she wouldn't even get on a plane if she was sick. Howard said that's so great. He said that's very responsible of her.
Howard said he loves X-Men and he loves that she was in it. He said he loved comic books as a kid and he hated the Batman series because they didn't take it seriously. Howard said he loved her in the X-Men movies. She said Darren told her she had a Kentucky accent in it. Howard said he thought she did a good job. Jennifer said the writing is very Shakespearean. She said she doesn't think she could do a period piece. Howard said he thinks she could do it. He said she really is a good actress. Jennifer said she has to see Howard's movie. She said she's never seen it. Jennifer said he has the perfect voice for radio. Howard said watch his movie and see how bad he was in the beginning.
Jennifer said she'll do a live commentary about it and send it to him. Howard said he also has the perfect face for radio. Jennifer said that's funny. She said she thinks he's handsome. Howard said he'll take that to the bank.
Howard said we've learned a lot today. He said they learned that you should drop out of school at 14. Robin said they also learned that you should jump out of a bus.
Howard said Jennifer doesn't need dick. He asked if she lives in L.A. She said she actually lives in New York. Howard said he understands the desire to leave the business for a year. Jennifer said she thinks she needs a break and people need a break from her. She said she's sure that people are tired of her. Howard said he recommends her movie ''Red Sparrow.'' He said he really enjoyed it.
Howard asked if she really enjoys her fame or not. Jennifer said she does enjoy some parts of it. She said she went to a party at Ellen's and she smoked some weed with some rappers. She said their stuff is different. She said that this woman was letting her go to the port-a-potty and she thought this woman had to poop so she went up to her and told her to go first. She said she ended up going up to her and yelling ''You have to poop!'' and the security guys had to pull her off of her. She said they ended up on the ground laughing their asses off.
Howard asked Jennifer about getting drunk with Colbert. Jennifer said she was already drinking before the show. She said she was trying to sober up. She said she was barely okay. She said she didn't know he was going to do that with the bottle of rum. She said she immediately got way more drunk than usual. She said she was hammered at the premiere. She was trying not to look drunk and she looked like she smoked crack instead. Howard said it was fun to watch her drink like that with Colbert. Jennifer said he didn't know she was already buzzed.
Howard said he used to have Amy Schumer on the show when she was barely known. Howard said he saw that she got married to a guy after just a few weeks. Jennifer said that it was over a year. She said the press gets it wrong. She said they say that she's dating Joel Edgerton. She said that's not true. Howard said he's not her type. Jennifer asked what her type is. Howard said he's her type. Jennifer said they also said she was dating Brad Pitt. She said she was okay with them saying that. Howard said he wants that face. Jennifer said his voice makes up for that face. Howard said he was slapped a yarmulke. Jennifer laughed.
Howard asked about Jennifer being a cheerleader in middle school. She said she was but that's because the whole family had to do sports. Howard said attractive people have different lives. Howard said Beth's principal cried when he had to suspend her. Jennifer said that sounds creepy. Howard said it is creepy.
Howard said he read that some actresses aren't going to speak to Ryan Seacrest now. He said Ryan is being accused by a stylist of being inappropriate. He asked if she'll speak to him. Jennifer said there's a lot to think about with E!. She said they were mean about people on E! for a while and they have a lot of issues over there. She said she's not sure about Ryan. She said he hasn't been to trial for anything so she doesn't know. Jennifer said that's where this stuff gets tricky.
Howard said he has taken up too much of her time. Jennifer said she's had to pee all this time too. She said this has been very fun. She said that she didn't say anything that bad. Jennifer said she likes not being in the headlines. Howard said maybe she needs to say something outrageous. Jennifer said she has to pee but in her defenses she's not doing it on purpose when she says something. She said she thinks about things she says and lays in bed thinking about it. She said she knows she says things that people get upset about. Howard said that's what he doesn't like about live radio. Jennifer asked if this is live. Howard said is it. Jennifer said she was going to ask him to edit some things out.
Howard asked Jennifer one last question. He said they can go pee after that. He said he'll pee with her. Howard asked if Jennifer went out there and met a great guy and he was totally her vibe and he's not competing with her. He said that he only wants happiness for her but then they find out he has Herpes 1. He said that's on the mouth. Jennifer said that's not a problem. Jennifer said he would work around that. Howard said look at you. He said she's his kind of gal. Jennifer said there are plenty of things in her life they'd have to work around. Howard asked about full blown AIDS. Jennifer said get me out of here. Howard wrapped up and gave her some plugs for ''Red Sparrow.'' Howard asked if it was the same guy but he's got no Herpes but he's Anti-Semitic. Jennifer said she can't work around that. Howard asked if she could be with a Trump supporter. Jennifer said she can't say no to the people who voted for him but if they're still supporters to this day then no, they're not getting in. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
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Howard said it was very nice meeting Jennifer Lawrence. Robin said she went up to Jennifer off the air and she said dumb things to her. Howard asked what she said. Robin said Jennifer said she loved the interview they did with Robert Downey Jr. Robin said something like ''you guys are great.'' Howard said that's fine. Howard said she was going off to pee anyway. Howard said she came back in and said Robin's not that great. He was joking. Robin said it's only because she's a fan. Howard said her friend was good looking too. Howard said everyone is hot.
Howard said he was looking at Jennifer and thinking how perfect looking she is. He said he was looking at her like a piece of art. He said he thought it was odd when they were rubbing breasts together. Robin said she just got really stupid. Howard said what a breath of fresh air. He said he's surrounded by ugly guys all day. He said that was nice.
Howard said they should do some news. Robin said he couldn't stop talking to Jennifer and he forgot about the news. Howard said they should get back to Robin. Fred played a song parody about Robin.
Robin said she thought that Howard was going to set Jennifer up with Benjy. Howard said imagine that. He said it would be the greatest show ever. He said he'd change his opinion of Jennifer if she did that. Howard said he'd like a foot shorter and 6 feet wider than she is. He said what a great thought that was.
Howard took a call from a guy, Pocket, who said that earlier this week they had a call asking why he takes so much time off. He said he just wants to say that he is grateful that they take a break. He said he's obsessed with the show. Howard said it's good for the fans to get a break from the show. Howard said he'd love to do a show every day 7 days a week. Howard said he's going to take more vacations now.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that interview made his week. Howard said she's beautiful and a talented actress. He said he talked to Fred after that interview and they were talking about how she has that kind of juice at just 27. Robin said she's had to handle that for a long time. Howard said he loved that she threw herself out of a bus. Robin said she wishes she had friends like that. The caller said she was very comfortable being there. He said he thought he was going to keep her in there all day. Robin said she thought they were too. Howard said he would have.
Howard said he was so caught up with The Bachelor last night. He said he told all three women he was in love with them. Robin said that's the new thing now. Howard said he thinks love is the person you pine away for and you adore. He said he turned to each woman and said he loved them. He said he was saying it over and over again. He said he thought he was picking just one but then the next night he did it again. Howard said these women were being played. He said he'd be pissed if that was his daughter.
Robin got to her news and read a story about a guy who was arrested in Japan with a head in his suitcase. Robin said he was an American kid over there. Robin said he met his wife on a Russian dating service. Robin said people said they never thought he'd kill someone and put them in a suitcase. Robin read more details about that story and how they had video of the woman never leaving this apartment. They did an investigation and found the woman's head in a suitcase. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said there's that site 1iota.com where you get tickets for the letterman taping. He said he had a dress code thing for the audience. He said that they have pictures of what you should look like. He said it's upscale business attire. Robin asked why. Howard said they say that you could be turned away if you don't dress nicely. Robin asked why they're doing that. Howard read some of the details of the dress code. They say dress classy and sharp but no tuxes. Howard said no phones or cameras will be allowed either. He said he thinks he likes that dress code. Robin said they're going to be dressed better than him. Howard said they will be. He said he may get kicked out. He said he should wear a tux. He said they say there ''no fat chicks.'' He said they don't actually say that. Howard said that the pictures they use are men and women who are 8s and above. He said he can't wait to see what shows up. He said it'll be a bunch of Jennifer Lawrences.
Robin read a story about Liev Schreiber being out on the town with a woman half his age but he's introducing her as the Nanny. Howard said he saw a picture of her on the beach with her whole ass showing. He said that's what you get being a movie star. He said look at that Liev. Howard said there's a lot more of that coming his way if he keeps being good on Ray Donovan. Howard said he got rid of Naomi Watts. He said she was hot too. Howard said Jennifer Lawrence must be the one who breaks up with the guys she dates. Howard said no guy is breaking up with her.
Robin read a story about some women who are suing the city because they had to take off their Hijabs for mug shots. Howard said you have to do that if you're arrested. He said go ahead and wear them but take them off for mug shots.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks the Ronnie's Mom call this morning was one of the funniest in show history. Howard said it was great it's a lot of fun. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how it's national rare disease day today. Howard said stop because any rare thing he hears about he gets. He said he was watching Dr. Pimple Popper where they pop things on people and within 13 seconds they showed what was coming up and he told his wife to turn it off. He said if he sees that he'll get it. Howard said he already found something on him that he has to go to the dermatologist for. Howard said his wife loves watching pimples getting popped. He said that's a thing.
Robin said there's a toddler who has an allergy to water. Howard asked who would invent that. Robin said the mother tells People magazine that her 18 month old daughter breaks out in hives when her skin comes in contact with water. Howard said she must be able to drink water. Robin said her face swells up from her own tears. Howard said maybe that's what Benjy has. Robin said they say the child has to take antihistamines on her bath days. Howard said that's a terrible thing. He hopes she grows out of it.
Robin said they say that marijuana may be the cause of the rise in pedestrian deaths. Robin said they have gone up in states with legalized pot. Robin said in the rest of the country they have declined.
Robin read a story about the Treasury department holding up money for aide for Puerto Rico. Robin said they're cutting in half and if they don't get the money they may have to cut other things down there. Howard said he heard 40 percent of them still don't have power. Robin said that's right. Robin said they say that it won't be restored for quite some time.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's going to the Letterman taping. She said she was tearing her apartment trying to find something to wear. She said she's going to scream there. Howard said imagine sitting in front of her. Howard let her go after Fred played her off with some music.
Howard took a call from a guy who said every time he's not real familiar with someone Howard does an interview that really intrigues him. He said it makes these people seem like normal people. He said he appreciates his interviews so much. Howard thanked him for that. The caller also said he has to say that Fred did something funny when he took the call from Jim from Raleigh's call and Fred just laughed. He said that Howard just doesn't acknowledge him. Howard said he claims he's been calling for years. Fred said he has. Howard asked if he really called today. Fred said he did. Howard said he liked it when he called in and said ''You know who I am.'' Howard said he's going to remember this guy Mike from Canton.
Robin read a story about Ryan Seacrest being accused of being inappropriate with a stylist at E! but Ryan is still going to be doing the red carpet there at the Oscars. Robin said some publicists are going to steer clear of him. Howard asked if he could be innocent and he's just leaking this to seem straight. Robin asked if they're dealing with this on that morning show he's on. Howard said they're pretending it's not happening. JD said they haven't said a word. Howard said he can't hear him. JD had to repeat himself. Howard said imagine he goes on the red carpet and just starts jerking off. He said that would be so great. Howard said they had a playmate in there who said Ryan didn't do anything with her when she was in bed with him. He said it's hard to believe he would do something like that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a woman who claims that she had Steve Wynn's baby after he allegedly raped her several times back in the 1970s. Robin said that Wynn has denied allegations that he claims are instigated by his ex-wife. Robin said a second woman came out with a sexual assault claim against Wynn last week too.
Robin read a story about Evan Rachel Wood testifying on Capitol Hill about the abuse she suffered. Robin had some audio of her talking about domestic violence from a couple of different men. Howard asked who these guys are. Robin had a bunch of clips for Howard to play. Howard said you can't trust a dude after going through that. He said she's pretty brave to go through this. Howard said she plays a woman who gets raped in just about every episode of Westworld.
Robin read a story about how class is back in session in Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida. Robin read some details about what went on down there and how some of the victims were laid to rest.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Fallon making a plea on his show the other night. Robin had some audio of him talking about the march the kids from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School were doing. Jimmy said he was going to be there with them. Robin said that they should do something. Howard said the whole thing is just a mess.
Robin read a story about Secretary Ben Carson having a new $31,000 dining room set in his office. Howard asked why he has that in his office. Robin said she doesn't know. She said that his wife had the office decorated.
Robin read a story about how Donald Trump is running for reelection in 2020. She said that he's already hired someone to run the campaign.
Robin read a story about how Sarah Sanders was saying that President Trump is for raising the minimum age for buying guns. Robin had some audio of Sanders talking about that.
Robin read a story about Dolly Parton celebrating her 100 millionth book donation at the Library of Congress. Robin had some audio of Dolly talking about how you can find a book on anything you need to know even if you don't have the money. Howard said she's as generous as she is busty. He said he has to get into something like that. He said he should give away some books. Howard said maybe he can march and give away books. He said it's good to see someone with a heart as big as her tits. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.