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Howard started the show talking about how he has to rack up 4 hours and then get out of there. He said he forgets who said it but it may have been James Corden who said that time is the most precious commodity. He said that's the thing we run out of in our lives. He said he has to spend 4 of them there. Robin said that allows him to have a great life. Howard said he's having a party.
Howard said Beth went away and he stayed home in his apartment. He said he went outside for a walk and got very uncomfortable. He said no one was bothering him but he wasn't happy. He said he called Robin and tried to get her but she didn't answer.
Robin said she had people over and she didn't think she should call when she was free. She said it was too late.
Howard said he was going to call someone to have dinner but he really doesn't want to be with people. Robin said you end up having a good time if you just do it. Howard said his buddy Pat thinks he's depressed but his shrink doesn't think so.
Howard said he called Robin a couple of times. Robin said she missed the other one. Howard said Robin doesn't know how to work her phone. He said he doesn't believe her. He said she's lying. Howard said he got his new iPhone. He said it's too big. He said Beth complains she can't carry it around in her purse.
Howard said they made the last iPhone regular size and the new one is huge. Robin said it doesn't seem like it changed that much. Howard said it didn't. He said it doesn't do anything new.
Howard said they had that concert in Central Park and it was like he was in it. He said how about just donating money instead of doing a concert. He said he went for a walk on Saturday and they had barriers up all over the place. He said he had no idea what was going on. Robin said there were thousands of people out there.
Howard said he thought it was for feeding everyone but it was a Global Citizen Concert. Robin said she saw that and she had never heard of it before.
Howard said he had no one to walk with him. He said he has no friends unless he pays people. He said all of his friends are on payroll. He said that he doesn't want any friends that are going to annoy him. He said it was so nice outside and he should move his body so he went out. He said it looked warm out so he went out for a walk. He said he was very uncomfortable doing it. He said he wanted to talk to Robin so he called. He said he got a voicemail instead. He said he was out there in the park and the whole thing was barricaded. He said it's a park and it's supposed to be open.
Howard wondered where these people were peeing when they were at the concert. He said they have all of these people out there and he had no idea how all of that worked. He said they look like ants out there.
JD said he walks in the park on the weekends too. He said he was out there and there were people lined up at 10am. Howard said he knows. JD said there was no one younger than 18 out there. Howard said that Sean Mendes performed there. He said he didn't think he was so bad. He said chicks were crying for that guy.
JD said they cut to this 40 year old guy who was crying during the concert. Howard said that was creepy. JD also said the concert is free if you volunteer for that organization.
Howard said his buddy Pat told him about going to see Paul Simon. He said he wanted him to go but it turns out he was out in the lawn sitting on a blanket. He said there's no way he's going to do that. Robin said she didn't know there was even grass out in Queens. Howard said they say that this is Paul's last concert but it's really not. He said he'll be back out.
Howard said on Friday he went to a museum. He said he's not sure which one it was. Robin asked how he got there. Howard said his buddy Rick told him to meet him there on 81st street. He said someone drove him there. He said he saw some beautiful Dell'Acqua art. Howard said he was at the Met. The guys told him that. Jason said that's where they have a big Dell'Acqua exhibit. Howard said that's it.
Howard said all of these talented artists and they're dead. Robin said everyone dies. Howard said he was thinking about all of these paintings and wanting to believe in god but he can't. He said that he was in Central Park and thinking about how they're all like ants. He said there can't be a Heaven. He said we're just talking ants. Robin said the real meaning of life is dismal. She said that we're just here to procreate.
Robin asked if he painted this weekend. Howard said he did, a lot. He said he was inspired by that Dell'Acqua exhibit.
Howard said he saw that concert going on and he wasn't able to get to where he walked to. He said he only knows a couple of routes through the park. He said he has that route and he only knows that one. He said he has no sense of direction. He said then he was tired at 7 at night. He said he should have gone out and partied. He said he didn't do any of that.
Howard said he hates when his wife goes away. He said she had a nice time out in L.A. though. Robin said that they had a lot of people at that concert. Howard said he could hear it in his apartment. He said all of those ants were out there to contribute money. He said he's not sure what's going on out there. He said that Sean Mendes kid was good. He said he's not keeping up with the new music. He said he kind of liked the second song Kanye did on Saturday Night Live. He said there was this chick who was showing her stomach and you could see nippage through her top. He said she was so hot. He said he thought Kanye West was good. Robin said when he was dancing around in that bottle outfit he didn't like him. Howard said she's right.
Howard said that woman's name was Teyana Taylor. He said she was hot. He said he asked out a black woman once and she said there was no way she was going to go out with him. He said that's when he was in Roosevelt.
Howard said then in the last song they played they were just standing around watching some pre-taped thing. He said that he was just standing there staring at you. He said he wanted someone to sing. He said then that Teyana Taylor came out. He said she was some woman. He said he hopes she's over 18. Robin said she thinks so. Fred said she's 27 so he's safe. Howard said that's perfect.
Howard said then he was watching that concert thing and thought that Sean Mendes kid was good. He said Janet Jackson was on that too and she was dancing so much there was no way she could be singing. He said she blocks her mouth so you can't tell she's lip syncing. He said she was dancing with a bunch of dancers and she has all of these dance moves so you think she's doing an exercise video. He said you don't feel like you're watching a real performance. He said it's like watching lip sync battle. Robin said it's like a dance contest.
Howard said she was barely able to get the words out when she was singing. He said she wasn't emoting. He said it was nothing. He said he thought she was kind of bad. He said he likes some of her songs but it wasn't very good. Fred played one of her songs and Howard did his impression of what it sounded like.
Howard said he was doing some dancing and moving his hands around like Janet. He said he has to wrap up this show and get out of the city. He said he doesn't want to hear this shit at night in his apartment. Howard said he's not sure what's going on but that's that.
Robin said there was a moment on Saturday Night Live where Kanye was trying to get the cast to come up. She said no one was around him. Robin said he gave a pro-Trump speech or something and said that the 13th amendment should be abolished. Howard said that's fine to be into Trump but the guy says he's mental. Robin said she saw him on Family Feud the week before. Howard said he likes that show with Steve Harvey. He said they had the Kardashian's and Wests on the show. He said they keep rerunning it. He said it was good.
Howard said Kanye is mental so let him do his thing. He said if someone is on the street yelling to themselves they don't care. Howard said they say that you don't call him Kanye now. He said they call him Ye.
Howard did his George Takei voice talking about Sean Mendes. Howard said this fucking guy is super handsome and can sing. He said he's a great package.
Howard said it's the anniversary of Cocktober. He said people are upset that they're not celebrating it. He said he thinks they burnt it into the ground last year. He said people were asking when they're going to get back to talk about pussy. He said they're not doing it again this year. He said last year they had cock in the studio every day of the month.
Howard went down the list of bits they did last Cocktober. He said his favorite was Cocktionary when Sal and Richard painted with their cocks. He said Richard painted on Sal's forehead with his cock and things got out of control. He said Michael Rapaport was in the studio and Richard slipped his cock in Sal's mouth. Howard played a clip from that moment.
Robin said she loved how Sal pretended to be so sick like it had never happened before. Howard said they have some of that up on the app.
Howard said tomorrow Sal and Richard will be doing a thing where they pee in their diaper and see who can fill it the most. Robin asked how long that's going to go on. Howard said he told them they can't drink too much water. He said they'll weigh in at the end of the show in the last hour. He played a song parody about the pissing show. Howard said that's going to be a big event tomorrow.
Robin said that this guy was drinking every night as a kid. She said she's never heard of a childhood like that.
Howard said that guy was doing a weird nose twitch during the whole thing. Robin said he was making weird faces. Howard said he thought that was kind of interesting. Howard said he knew a guy who did that and his mom would call it making Minice. He went into his mom's voice and talked about that snorting and making the face.
Howard said he knew a kid who did that and it would make his mom crazy. He said she'd ask about making Minice. Howard said he picked that up and realized he got that from his mom.
Howard said he thinks they should let them investigate this. Robin said that they are investigating it. Howard said they're only allowing a week to do the investigation though. He said who cares. He said he can't take it anymore.
Howard said when Dr. Christine Blasey Ford started talking he got really emotional. He said he never cried but he did get emotional and felt really bad for her. Robin said she was hard to watch. Howard said she seems so nice and sweet. Robin said the prosecutor was very funny. She said she would ask a question about what she did that day and Ford would answer. Robin said the senators could have asked those questions.
Howard said he was working on his secret project and all of a sudden he thought he was horny. He said he turned off the hearing and thought that it was his way of dealing with his emotions. He said he went and beat off since Beth wasn't around. He said he was home alone so he had time. He said he went to beat off as a stress buster. He said he got that shit out of his balls and went back to work.
Howard said he went upstairs and went on YouPorn. He said he was watching a step-mother and her son porn. He said he felt bad for this Dr. Ford. He said he has been victimized too but never raped. He said he was beaten up and stuff. He said he was thinking about that stuff while watching all of that stuff. He said that he can't tell you where he was or how old he was but he remembers the hands wrapped around his neck. Robin said she would leave her house when she was abused. She said she doesn't remember who she saw or where she went.
Howard said he totally believed her from the sense of memory. He said he remembers the incident and not the details. He said he remembers a kid choking him out in shop class. He said he remembers the teacher being there and his name. He said he remembers the kid's name but not who else was in there. Robin said it could be that no one in that class but those three people remember the incident.
Howard said the teacher threw a piece of chalk at his head because the guy was afraid of that kid too. He said that this happened every 5 minutes in that school.
Howard said he went to jerk off after he got 5 minutes into his secret project. He said he had just identified with a victim in a sex crime but he went to beat off. He said that he just went with the flow. He said he went from crying for Dr. Ford to beating off in 7 minutes. He said he got his computer out and watched some porn. He said he finished in his 3 tissues. He said that's what he needs to catch that stuff. He said that he has to get a tissue to cover the camera on his computer. He said imagine that face being caught doing that.
Howard said he's not going 2 pages deep in YouPorn to find something. He said he just found something on the front page. He said you get a preview if you mouse over something. He said he wants to get that over with quick.
Howard said he saw a video of a step-mom showering her son. He said it opens up with her showering. He said this was during the Kavanaugh hearings. He said this young, blonde girl is showering and she's gorgeous. He said the step-son looks like he's 25. He said this guy is calling her mom. He said he loves the acting and dialog of it all. He said this kid is beating off at the kitchen table. He said the step-mom walks in and says that's natural. He said this woman was like a 10. He said she was model hot. He said she had to have been coerced into doing it.
Howard said the guy tells the step-mom that he can't beat himself off because he has an injury from school. He said that he has to be showered so he asked his step-mom to wash him. Howard said she's helping him and she gets some soap on her shirt so she's in her bra and panties. Howard said he liked this. He said sue him. He said they had three more showers at different times and then one of her bras gets ruined. He said then she takes that off. He said the kid is smart and doesn't get a boner. He said then the step-mom is jerking him off every time he's in the shower. He said she sprays his goo all over her outfit at one point. He said then he asked her to put her mouth on his penis. He said she says that he's gone over the line now. He said then she says it's fine. He said he doesn't know what happened at the end. He said he finished at the blow job point. He said he fast forwarded to the end to see if he fucked her but it was just hand jobs and blow jobs.
Howard said he ended up fast forwarding through a lot of that stuff. He said Jason saw that one. Jason said it was very similar to that one. He said it may have been the same one. Jason said there's a different one where the shower is broken and they have to share a shower every morning because the shower is broken. Jason told Howard about that one. He said they sometimes make a big deal out of the step-mom part.
Howard said it kind of creeps him out that Jason has seen the same stuff he sees. Jason said he's doing the same thing of watching the stuff on the front page of the site.
Howard said it was kind of upsetting that he was watching the porn and the Dr. Ford testimony. He said he can feel for her though. Howard did more of his mom talking about the making Minice thing that Kavanaugh was doing with his face.
Robin said that Schpicky Wicky was stuck in her head this weekend. Howard said that's what his mom would call boogers. He said he was gross back then. Robin asked where they got that term. Howard said they'll have to call his mom and ask her that for real. He had his mom and dad discussing that.
Howard said his mom went out and got a Hearing Aid finally. He said that she sounded different because she wasn't yelling anymore. He had a talk with his mom on the phone with her not yelling to him on the phone. He did his impression of that.
Howard said he's exhausted. Robin said life is exhausting. Howard said it is. He said don't call him about the Supreme Court thing. He said he doesn't want to hear about it.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he wants to try to do a full four hours and not take one. He said he thinks he can do that. He said if he has to go to the bathroom he'll just do it on the air.
Howard said that some of Kavanaugh's explanations were funny. He said you know he was lying about the ''boofing'' thing. He said you can't do that when you're going to be on the Supreme Court.
Howard asked Fred if he should take a break. Fred said he should. Howard said he's not in the mood. He ended up playing a Kavanaugh hearing clip where he talked about the drinking games. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with this cat. He said he's on TV and people are watching him. Howard did an impression of Kavanaugh which sounded like his Kermit the Frog impression. Howard played the clip where Kavanaugh talked about Boofing referring to flatulence.
Howard was making up stories to explain the things that Kavanaugh had in his 1982 calendar. He had him explaining that tea bagging is just burping. He made up a bunch of those kind of things. He had him explaining that a blumpkin is just a cross between a plum and a pumpkin.
Howard had Kavanaugh saying that getting your red wings is when you fly model airplanes. Howard asked what ass to mouth is and he said that's when a donkey kisses you. Howard said it sounds like that guy was into a lot of weird shit. He said the weirdest thing is that a 16 year old kept a calendar. Robin said he said that he kept one because his dad kept one and told stories about what happened. Howard said no dude keeps a calendar. Howard said he has so much more to talk about. He went to break after that.
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Howard said Simon Cowell has axed Sharon Osbourne from X-Factor for what she said on this show. Howard said he was asking her about Simon Cowell and doing the show over in England. Robin said she had just gotten rehired. Howard said she was being very honest and said that these kids can't sing and something about Simon being an ass. He said she would put a brick around his neck and drown him if she was stuck on a boat with him. Howard said that she said something about the kids sucking at singing so she didn't go to the auditions. Howard said she was just being honest. He said it's so refreshing and interesting. He said that she shit on Simon's fucking head because he's such a turd. He said he's sneaking around behind people's backs. He said he's a skunky kind of guy. He said he fired Sharon for what she said there.
Howard said Sharon came out with a statement saying that she's not rejoining the show and she's backing out of doing it. He said he's not sure if she left or if she was fired. He said that maybe she got paid off. Howard said they'll have to ask her about that next time they see Sharon.
Howard said Sharon was on fire on the show that day she was there. He said she had no problem going off on Simon that day but not on Les Moonves.
Howard said he has Simon on the phone. He took a call from fake Simon Cowell who said he has his X from America's Got Talent and he's rubbing his cock all over it. He called Howard a bunch of names and Howard shot back at him with some insults. Howard asked how he's doing with this. He and Simon went back and forth for a couple of minutes.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she wanted to bury that Simon. She said he was so bad on America's Got Talent. She went off on him for a few before Howard hung up on her. He said he's not up on America's Got Talent news. Howard said he doesn't know everything that's going on.
Robin said she saw some of a rooftop concert they did. She said that they were talking to Paul McCartney about that. Howard said he wishes that Paul would only talk to him. He said he needs to be his official interviewer.
Howard said John is gone and he can't watch that. He said it was making him nuts. He said he went up and finished off his Van Helsing. He said he was on Netflix and they had Van Helsing. He said this is a TV show called Van Helsing. He said that it was a SyFy show so it's done cheaply. He said they have two seasons of the show. He said he had to watch it. He said it was fucking horrible and he loved it. Robin said she got into watching Z Nation and it's awful but she can't stop watching it. Howard said they do Sharknado too. Howard got a note about the new season of Van Helsing starting this week. He said that he thought it was done with. He said he has to is through another season of that.
Robin asked if he saw the new season of Peaky Blinders. Howard said he can't understand what they're saying on that show. He said he gave up on it.
Howard took a call from Mike from Maine who always brings up Bubba the Love Sponge. Mike said Mariann shouldn't be reading anything about Simon Cowell. He said that she shouldn't care. Howard said that show can do great no matter who is hosting it. He said it will do well no matter what. He said he went on and did it because he knew that he couldn't fuck it up. He said the ratings stay the same. He said it's like 11-12 million people who watch the show. He said Simon Cowell wanted to get back on it really bad. He said he failed with the X-Factor there in the States so he had to get back on America's Got Talent.
Howard said there were emails that Simon wrote to someone at Sony that were revealed in the Sony hack. He said that they got Simon back when he left. Then Simon claimed that he never wrote those emails and they were fake. Howard said the guy thought they'd believe that some Korean was making them up.
Howard said that guy was so awful he wasn't going to waste his time arguing with him. He said he thinks the guy got jealous that he saw how easy it was to do that show. Robin said she thinks that he just wanted to be back on American TV. She said that once his show was gone he had to get back on American TV again. Howard said it's a great gig because he doesn't have to worry about the ratings. He said it doesn't matter who is on that show. He said they had David Hasselhoff and Tiffany on the show. He said that it just doesn't matter. He said they have Heidi, Mel B and Howie Mandel on the show. He said Heidi is a model. He said he liked to look at her. He said she doesn't speak English. He said that they could put Wendy the Slow Adult on that show and it would still get the same ratings. He said they should do a show like that.
Howard said he likes the people over at NBC. He said they were real nice to him. Mike said Howard chose to leave that show. Howard said he did. He said he told Paul Telegdy that he was leaving. He said they have a new guy over there now. He said the top guy there is Bob Greenblat. He said they were up the creek over there and Bob came in and got them some good shows. He said he had some Epiphany and he just split. He said then Paul got Bob's job over there. He said that they did something weird though. He said they gave Paul the job with another dude. Robin said that won't last. Howard said Paul is a British guy and he's a proper gentleman. He said he's going to be pissed. He said he wrote a letter to Paul congratulating him. He said that he thinks Paul will get rid of the guy. Robin said she'll bet Howard on that. They bet about who will win out of those two. Fred said it's George Cheeks.
Howard said he loves corporate wars. He said he wonders how Paul will do it. He did his impression of Paul talking to George about their shared office and things like that. Howard had Paul calling the FBI to investigate George.
Robin said this Cheeks guy is used to working as a Co. She said he was a Co-President before this. Howard did more of his Paul impression talking to George. Mike said that Robin bet on this guy. Robin said they had to make it a horse race.
Howard said he tells Beth that she can't put a picture of his toe with one of the cats up on Instagram. He said everyone passes judgment. He said this was an unfinished work that Rachel put up. He said that she just needed some material. He said they could have had someone call in with her doing the Dr. Ford vs Judge Kavanaugh thing.
Howard said he has the clip of Rachel doing her impression. He said she got slammed for doing it. Howard played the clip and Rachel had the voice down. Howard said it was perfect. He said what she's guilty of is not doing a constructed bit. Howard said it came off the wrong way and now she's in a shitload of trouble.
Howard said you have to know how to do something like that. He said you don't go on and work it out on social media. Robin said you have to know that it's a sensitive subject. She said you have to be thought out. Howard said she was rushing it out. He said like with Benjy you don't do it on Facebook. He said you bring it in and work out some material for the show. He said nothing good ever comes out from rushing things out on Twitter.
Howard said Beth is guilty of rushing things out on Instagram too. He said people just want followers. He said they have to feed the beast. He said he supports his wife doing this stuff because they get people to adopt pets. He said that Rachel is very talented and she was just exited about this. He said that she rushed it out and it upset some people. He said that they can crucify people over simple things like that.
Howard let Mike go and said he has to take another break but then he talked about what Pat Robertson was saying about the Kavanaugh hearings. He had a clip of Pat Robertson praying for the accusers to be sent confusion. Howard played the clip and goofed on Robertson for a short time. Robertson was claiming that this was a pre-planned plot to take down Kavanaugh. Howard said if you want to be mad at someone don't be mad at Rachel Butera. He said be mad at this asshole. Robertson was asking people to pray with him to throw confusion to the council of these accusers who are coming out against a good man. Howard said he thinks he wants god to take these women out.
Howard said how about we just find out what's going on with this guy. Howard did his Pat voice and goofed on him for a little while. He had Pat praying for a bunch of weird shit.
Howard asked where that show airs. Gary said it's on that CBN network. Howard did more of his impression and prayed for more ridiculous stuff. Howard had Pat making Robin laugh. Pat asked Robin what she's laughing at. Robin said nothing. Howard had Pat praying for Schpicky Wicky to rain down on them. He went on and on wishing awful things on the accusers like Pat would do.
Howard took a call from Pat Robertson clips that the guys had edited. The guys had Pat saying some wacky stuff about his cum shots and things like that. Howard said it took Richard 7 months to edit that from his audio book.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said then he'll come back and do his thing. They went to break after that.
Chad asked if he likes it when they rope up a woman's tits. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said he has to go.
Howard said to sum up with Rachel Butera she did the Dr. Ford voice and people thought she was mocking her. She has a new gig playing Princess Leia and some other characters and people are calling for her to be fired from that show. Howard said Rachel wasn't being mean spirited. He said that she was just getting that impression out there quickly. He said you have to think it through before you throw stuff like that out there.
Howard said Gary heard it and there was no malice in it. Gary said he knows Rachel and he thinks she just hopped on Twitter and wasn't thinking. Howard said that's the world we live in now with social media. He said everyone wants to have a full account. He said they have to know what you're doing at every minute. He said social media is our new boss.
Howard said he saw a guy riding his bike and talking to a friend on his phone with Facetime. He said he almost got run over.
Howard said Ronnie is another one who gets in trouble. He said someone wrote something horrible about him and Ronnie retweeted it. He read the quote about Stern being washed up and Ronnie liked it and retweeted it. Howard said Ronnie hates him. Howard said how about Ronnie takes over the show now. He said that he's not sure Ronnie can even read. He said all he saw is ''Ronnie is great.''
Ronnie came in and said he didn't retweet anything. Ronnie said it was something about Jackie. Howard said this is Ronnie. He read the quote again and the guy said the show is boring and it's the same shit over and over again. Ronnie retweeted that. Ronnie said he didn't do that.
Gary said that Ronnie said that he didn't tweet that. Howard said he thinks he's in a rush and he just does it without reading it. Ronnie said he didn't realize that's what it said.
Jason had the feed there to show Ronnie what he tweeted. Ronnie told him to go away. He didn't want Jason in there. Ronnie said that Jason is the one who told him about it. Howard said it wasn't Jason. He said everyone was telling him about it. He said just go run that animal hospital. He said he's going to go see that in person. He said he's going to tweet that his hospital is shitty. Jason said Ronnie is all about correspondence but he doesn't read it all.
Howard said he was reading this thing over the weekend. Jason said it was 17-18 hours ago. Ronnie said he didn't do it over the weekend. Howard said Ronnie just said he didn't tweet over the weekend. Ronnie said he doesn't remember seeing that.
Howard said if you have a bunch of workers at the animal hospital and they tweet something about the place sucking. He asked how he would feel. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said if he's so unhappy then let him leave. Howard asked if he would feel bad. Ronnie said yeah. Howard asked what to make of him. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't remember doing it.
Howard said Ronnie is so angry at him. He said all he did was give him a life. He said Ronnie hates him. Ronnie said okay. Howard asked why people hate him so much. He said he just wanted to be on radio since he was a kid. He said he's living his dream. Jason said that's why people hate him. He said he's living his dream.
Howard asked what Ronnie's dream was as a kid. Ronnie said he had no dream. Howard said he must have had a dream. Ronnie said there was no dream. Howard asked if he wanted to be a cop or something. Ronnie said he was supposed to be.
Jason said Ronnie did this last year too. He said he did the same thing saying the show is only good when he's on the air. Ronnie said maybe he did. He said he can't remember that. He said this fucking elephant over here remembers everything.
Howard said maybe he can host the show. Ronnie said he's not looking for that. Howard said maybe he can give him a show for a week. Ronnie said he doesn't want that.
Howard said Ronnie tweeted 19 times in the past 24 hours and he doesn't remember any of it. Howard said what he's going to do is buy a police uniform and let him wear it. Ronnie said he's not looking for that. He said he doesn't have to do that. Jason said will go cute with his race car outfit.
Howard asked Robin what it is about him. Robin said he claims to love Howard. Howard said that was 25 year years ago that he wrote that letter in Crayon. Robin wondered when it changed from love to jealousy. Howard said the more he got to know him the more jealous he got.
Ronnie said he didn't read the whole tweet. He said that he must have just seen the ''Ronnie is great'' part. Howard had Ronnie look at the tweet and give his thoughts on it. Ronnie said this isn't his account. Howard said he sounds like Judge Kavanaugh. Ronnie said it just says retweeted by Ronnie Mund. He said there are other Ronnie Munds on Twitter. He said there's something not right there. Howard asked if he was hacked. Ronnie said no but there is something wrong.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked how he can stand Ronnie. Howard said he thought he was his bro. He said he just hates him. The caller said she's more his bro than Ronnie is. She said she can't stand it.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Ronnie is too old to be on Twitter. Howard said he doesn't even know what he's tweeting. King said he must be looking at the phone real close and all of that. Jason said that's what he's doing now.
Ronnie said he has to go back and look at this. He said something doesn't make sense. Gary said he's on his account right now and he did retweet it. Howard asked why he has to tweet that out. He said that he has to let the audience know that this one guy says he's great. Howard said lets just say that he says Ronnie is great. He asked why he needs to tell people that. Ronnie said why not. Howard said he needs validation. King was laughing at him. Howard said now he's going to go back and look at his Blackberry and find out he did it.
King said that he thinks that Ronnie is going to Vegas because he thinks it'll hurt Howard. Gary said King is the king of retweeting compliments about himself. Howard asked about that and King had some lame excuse for that so Howard let him go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is too old for that stuff. He said he's going through a mid life crisis at 80. Howard said that really hurt. The caller said Ronnie has been his friend for 30 plus years but he's never really been his friend.
Howard said Ronnie is jealous. Ronnie said he's wrong. Howard asked him to read his tweets before retweeting them. He said he gives life to him and he's doing this stuff. He said without him he has 3 followers. He said with him it's hundreds of thousands. Jason said he can only imagine the ones he's not retweeting. Fred did his Ronnie impression talking about what he'd retweet and not retweet. Anything that said Howard sucks would be retweeted according to Fred Ronnie.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to apply for Ronnie's job. Another guy said that Ronnie is lying. He said he doesn't like him. Howard said he agrees. He said even his enemies wouldn't retweet that. The caller said that Ronnie paused so long that it shows he's lying.
Howard asked if Ronnie banged Brent and his wife. Ronnie said he didn't even bring it up with Stephanie. He said she's not up for it. He said if it was just the two girls she might be up for it. He said she doesn't want Brent part of it. Ronnie said they're not into having another guy there. Howard said he's just going to stand in the corner jerking off. Ronnie said they just don't want Brent in the room.
Howard had Brent come in to talk about that stuff. Brent came in and said that they're a package deal so he has to be there of they're doing anything like that. He also said that he thinks there's some resentment going on with Ronnie.
Howard said Chris Wilding said that Brent's wife didn't want Ronnie there either. It was more about her going at it with Stephanie. Brent said that's kind of a mild scene for them anyway. He said they're into swapping and loads to the face and stuff. He said that he's not into it that much but she is. Howard asked if Ronnie likes a load on the face. Ronnie said he's not into that either.
Howard asked what that Boofing is. Brent said it's just another word for sex. Howard said he likes that Kavanaugh said it was farting. He said that everyone knew he was bullshitting. He said he didn't know what the Devil's Triangle was. He said that's a threesome with two guys and a girl. Brent said it's just having sex with a woman. He claimed it was a game of quarters. He said that was a total lie. Howard asked if anyone is going to bring that up.
Gary said that Benjy has something to say. Benjy got on and said there are plenty of references from years ago saying that boofing is sex. Gary said that someone in Congress changed the meaning of it on Wikipedia while the hearing was going on.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he believes Ronnie about not reading the whole thing. He said that's what's wrong with Twitter. He said he's a moron who doesn't read what he retweets. He said he doesn't stop to read anything. Howard said he says at the animal hospital he wants to be in charge of correspondence.
Gary asked why Ronnie never retweets negative comments about himself. Ralph said it's weird to retweet compliments constantly. Howard said he's retweeting how the show isn't good anymore. Ronnie said he didn't read that part about the show sucking. Howard said he thinks he did and he wants Mund 100. Howard said tomorrow he can work with Robin and do his own show. Howard said just trying doing a show. Ronnie said he's not doing that.
Howard said they gave Ronnie a show on Howard 101 and JD canceled it. Brent said he called it the ''most boringest'' show ever.
Howard asked Ronnie to do a show but he wasn't doing it. Howard said America is waiting. Ralph said he should let him prepare to do the show tomorrow. He said let him start the show at 7 tomorrow. Ronnie said he never asked for it.
Howard said just read the comments from now on. Ronnie said he didn't read that one all the way through. Howard said just do that from now on. Ralph was laughing about Ronnie using a Blackberry to do that. Howard said he has a theory about what happened. He said he thinks that Pat Robertson was praying for confusion and he hit Ronnie instead of Judge Kavanaugh's accuser.
Gary said that he's sending Shuli in to talk about what it's like when he tweets. Shuli came in with video of Ronnie tweeting on his Blackberry. Ronnie said he can leave now. Ralph said you know he types so slow that he doesn't need a keyboard.
Howard said thanks to Ralph and let him go. Howard said Ronnie uses his phone like a tiny computer when he types. Ronnie said he has to take his glasses off to read it. Ralph told him to just get an iPhone. Howard said he's seen Ronnie get it done in the car. Ralph said Twitter should suspend his account. Howard said he wishes he would just get off of Twitter.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that everybody keeps doing this Twitter thing and he doesn't punish anyone. Howard said he should punish him. He asked how they do things in Alabama where this guy was from. Ronnie said they hang people.
Howard said there are no consequences there. He said Robin doesn't fire anyone. Robin said she's not sure Ronnie even knows what he's doing anymore. Howard said when Brent worked for Bubba he had a torture rack in the studio. Brent said they could do a lot of stuff to people in that studio. Howard said maybe he has to call Bubba and get him to rent out that torture rack. He said maybe Ronnie should go work for Bubba.
Howard asked if Brent got in that rack. Brent said he did end up in it one time. The caller said Ronnie really fucked up this time. Howard said he hasn't even said he's sorry. Ronnie said he didn't even know he did it. He said he's sorry but he didn't say it like he meant it. Ronnie said he's sorry.
Howard asked the caller what he does down in Alabama. The guy said he's an electrician. He said he was in the service like Brent was. The caller said he was a mechanic in the service. He said he took care of like 5 vehicles that went from place to place with people like Colonels in them. Howard asked if he wants to bang Brent's wife. The guy said ''hell yeah!'' Howard said that guy wouldn't tweet against him. He said that's his friend. He said that's his only friend. He said he was going to call Ronnie to go to dinner with him this weekend but he didn't know what he was thinking about him. He told Ronnie to go sit in the corner like a 5 year old.
Howard said he hears yelling out there. Gary said Ronnie was yelling at Shuli about suggesting that they take him off Twitter for a week. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he doesn't think Sal knows what he was asking for to this day. Howard asked if he ever told him what he was supposed to say. Sal came in and said he thinks that he was taking something back and it's a retraction. He said he left off the ''re.'' He said it's good enough. Howard asked how he doesn't know that.
Howard said this clip is from CNN when an anchor said he wants to sit on her face about someone. Howard played the clip and she was talking about one of the Cosby accusers. Howard said she may not have known what she was saying she said it. She meant just keep the camera on her face. Howard said he loves stuff like that. He said they're doing it live and that's what comes out.
Howard said they were talking about Pat Robertson before but he has a whole thing about religious guys making strange statements. He said they have a Tan Mom prank to play too. Robin asked if she's still in the area. Howard said he's not sure she has a place to go to. Shuli said he doesn't know either. He said she texted him some stuff over the weekend and it was tough to understand.
Howard said he loves that every song about her is about how she's not Tan Mom. He said that the old song was the same thing. Howard said he thinks the songs are all the same thing. He wanted to hear her new song. Fred just had the loop of her saying Tan Mom over and over. Howard had Shuli doing his Tan Mom impression and singing the song with him as if he were Adam. Howard said he loves that they gave Tan Mom a send off and she's not even gone. Fred had the full song that he played for Howard. Howard was laughing at the song.
Shuli said that he's been yelling at his kids as Tan Mom in her voice. Howard said he pretended being a vampire named Dimitri all weekend. He said if his wife was around she'd leave him for doing that. He was doing the voice that he does as the vampire.
Howard said Tan Mom always falls for their pranks no matter how ridiculous they are. He said he's pretty sure she'd fall for flying her to the moon in a rocket in the green room.
Howard said one time Tan Mom walked in on Sal and Richard pretended to blow each other and she thought that was real. Sal had hand lotion on his face like cum. Tan Mom said she knows every game in the book.
Howard said Sal and Richard how they did the cum on Sal's face. Sal said it was hand lotion. He said that it was a ton of it too. Howard asked if they shot that in video. Sal said he thinks they did. Howard said that has to go on the app. Howard talked to Shuli as Tan Mom finding out that Sal was gay.
Howard said one time the boys called Tan Mom with clips of herself. He played that prank that the guys pulled on Tan Mom.
Howard said the guys pulled another prank on Tan Mom and had her pretend to be Nicole Kidman. They told her that they had a kid there who has Ebola and wanted to meet Nicole Kidman. In the clip Tan Mom was trying to do the voice after Sal and Richard asked her to do an Australian accent.
Howard said they wheeled in Chris Wilding as 12 year old Timmy who hit it off right away. Tan Mom was doing her voice and talking to Timmy in that awful accent. Timmy told her that he's her biggest fan.
Howard said she wasn't even nervous about getting Ebola. Howard said he doesn't think Nicole Kidman goes around saying she's Nicole Kidman constantly. Howard talked to Shuli as Tan Mom again. Howard said Timmy asked very specific questions of Nicole Kidman and Tan Mom was a good improviser. He played a clip of Tan Mom talking about working with Tom Cruise in a movie. She told Timmy about working with him. Tan Mom said she has 10-20-30-40 kids. Timmy asked what their names are. She started rattling off names. She said it goes on and on. Howard said she must have multiple teets.
Howard played another clip where Tan Mom was talking about what it's like in Australia. She said there are lots of raccoons there and she doesn't like it. Her accent was going from sort of British to Chinese. She was speaking like someone who doesn't speak English as her first language.
Howard said he has some audio of her talking about what it's like being married to Keith Urban. Tan Mom said there's tons of excitement. Timmy was asking about specific songs and asking what her favorite one is. Tan Mom just said the one he just mentioned is her favorite too. She was even singing for Timmy.
Howard said at one point Tan Mom told Timmy she'd donate her blood to Timmy. She said that he has to go get some rest. She said it was pleasure meeting him. Timmy said he's never been with a woman. Tan Mom immediately said she would sleep with him because he's going to live on forever and ever. She said she can spend the night at the hospital with him. Howard said they told Tan Mom later that Timmy was not dying. Howard played that clip too. In the clip Sal broke the news to her. Tan Mom said ''Oh my god!'' She said she loves them. Sal said she's a great actress. Howard said Chris should have committed and banged her.
Howard said there you have it with the latest Tan Mom saga. Howard played her trying to perform her song ''Free to be Me'' in the studio. She made a mess of the song.
Howard said so many pranks with Tan Mom. Shuli said one day she called him in the office and he changed his voice to be different people and she didn't know it was him. Howard asked if they could put her in a time machine and tell her that they've sent her back in time if she'd believe it. Shuli said he thinks so.
Howard let the guys go and said that Tan Mom was very helpful with Timmy. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said they say that Trump is cutting everyone's taxes. Robin said he's cutting corporate taxes. Howard said his taxes are going up. Robin said they got socked there in New York. She said they used to have write offs for state taxes and they're gone. Howard asked if that's some kind of punishment. Robin said yes. Howard said he can't believe how much he had to pay. He said no more deduction. Robin said that everyone who voted for Trump there in New York was hit with it too. Howard said he asked his accountant who this benefits. He said if benefits you if you're like a real estate mogul.
Howard asked if Robin saw that picture of Joaquin Phoenix as the Joker. Robin said she hasn't. Howard said just wait for the movie to come out to show it. Robin said the fans are demanding that kind of thing. She said they want to see anything from the set. Howard said he knows what she means. Robin said that there were Wonder Woman outfits leaking when they were looking for a Wonder Woman. Howard said they always do that and people get upset.
Robin started off her news talking about some documentaries that Howard should see. She said there's one that she did some narration for. She said that's going to be on ESPN. Robin said that she saw some of it at the premiere. Robin said it's a basketball special. She said it's 20 little short stories. Robin said there's also a documentary about Quincy Jones. Robin said she will never say anything bad about Frank Sinatra ever again. She told Howard what she learned about him in this documentary. Howard said he was a big civil rights activist. Robin said he worked with musicians who were great musicians and didn't care about the color of their skin. Howard asked if Robin was watching that stuff when he called. Robin said she never heard Howard's call. She said she didn't know until her guests left that he had called.
Robin read a story about a Texas man and his fiancee are safe after going off into a secluded place to propose. Robin said they hiked a mountain in Colorado and he proposed to her and then they got lost and had to be rescued. Robin said they became dehydrated and suffered from exposure. Howard said he hates guys who do that. He said he proposed to his wife 11 years ago. He said you read about these guys who do crazy stuff. He said he and Beth had been together for like 9 years and he had to do something special. He said all of these nudnicks are out there doing crazy things. He said it's so stupid but he said to Beth to get in bed and get naked and he'll get naked. He said then he proposed. He said that is not a pleasant thing to see him nude. He said he was shaking and nervous and they were naked. He said that he didn't know why he got naked. He said he figured they could bang or something.
Howard said he must have gotten crazy trying to do something wild to propose. He said they called their parents and they were nude making those calls. He said Beth was confused about why they were naked. He said he looks back on it and wants to marry her again. He said he didn't know he was a douche. Robin said the new wedding could be like this. She said they could have Ace Frehley serve as his best man or walk your bride down the aisle. Robin said this is a package that's available and it costs $6,000. Robin said that he'll do what you want at your wedding. Robin read the details about what you get at that wedding.
Robin read a story about Mel Gibson directing a remake of the movie The Wild Bunch. Howard asked how he gets a pass for what he did. Robin said since he came back he hasn't had a hit movie. Howard said he must be such a good director that they'll throw out Les and Kevin Spacey but not Mel Gibson. He said they must draw the line. He asked how he's okay but Les is gone from CBS. Robin said the #MeToo movement came in after Mel did his thing. Robin said unless someone is going to remind people Mel is getting a walk through. Howard said Mel used the N-word and said he wanted a pack of them to rape this woman. He said he's getting a pass for that. He said it makes Hollywood look weird when they let him get a pass for that during this #MeToo movement. He said they even got him on tape.
Robin read a story about how Sharon Osbourne is being more open on The Talk and she can't keep up with Ozzy's sex drive. Robin had a clip of Sharon talking about how Ozzy is like a rabbit and she can't keep up. Howard said he thought that Ozzy wasn't able to get it up. Robin said that was a long time ago. She said now things must have changed.
Robin read a story about Kanye West being on Saturday Night Live as the musical guest and he was a last minute replacement. Robin said Ariana Grande was supposed to be the musical guest but she dropped out 2 days before the show. Robin said she's been having a tough month. Howard said a guy she dated killed himself. Robin said they let her step out and Kanye rushed in. She said it did seem awfully unrehearsed. She said then they had that crazy ending. Robin said she likes to see everyone standing on stage at the end of the show but they had Kanye doing a song instead. Robin said everyone left and then he was out there ranting. She said Chris Rock got on and posted on Instagram. She had some audio of Kanye ranting about Trump. Howard said it didn't sound that good so he didn't play it earlier.
Robin read a story about the result of the hearings on Thursday leading to an FBI investigation into Brett Kavanaugh. Robin said that Sarah Huckabee Sanders said they have called for that and they are not micro managing it. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin said they say they have spoken to the second accuser now and they have some witnesses. Robin said that the third accuser has some wild claims so they're not sure about her. Robin had some other audio for Howard to play from the hearings last week. Howard said he can't take it anymore. Robin said she has a clip where they put together the beer mentions together. Howard said Richard loves beer too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin had more about Kavanaugh after the commercial read. She had audio of Lindsay Graham talking about how Kavanaugh is not ''a Bill Cosby.'' Robin said that Kellyanne Conway also revealed that she is the victim of sexual assault. Robin had some audio of her talking about how you have to be responsible for your own conduct. Robin said she's not sure what she was saying there. Howard said he's not sure either. Robin said she's not sure if she's blaming the victim or not.
Robin had some audio of a woman yelling at Jeff Flake in an elevator. Robin said he was trying to get that door closed and it wouldn't close. Rob in said that seemed to turn the tide for Jeff Flake. Robin said that led to the FBI investigation being opened up.
Robin read a story about it being Breast Cancer Awareness month. Robin said they used to celebrate that on the show. Robin said Serena Williams is out with a powerful reminder to check your own breasts. Howard said guys are supposed to check their own balls. He said he draws the lines at that. Howard played a clip and it was Serena Williams singing. Howard said he didn't know she sings. Robin said she didn't either. Howard said she does it all.
Robin read a story about a 13 years old who was attacked by a shark. Robin said the kid was bitten while catching lobsters. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the attack.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked if there's anything on Beth's end that she'd like to change about their wedding. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he's just thinking about his proposal. Balls asked if they laugh about it. Howard said they do. He said she didn't get the whole concept. He said he just suggested they get naked and they did. He said he was out of his fucking mind. He said he blames everyone who proposes in outrageous ways. Balls said he thinks it's just better when it's simpler. Howard said now he tells him. He said he has to apologize to his wife. He said they called her parents while they were nude. Howard said he doesn't look good nude either. He said he was just naked. He thought they'd just bang or something. Robin said he has no idea what women are up to. Howard said he really doesn't.
Howard asked how Fred proposed. Fred said he did it at dinner. He said he put the ring under her napkin and she found it there. He said she asked if it was what she thought it was. Howard said Gary did something like that. Robin said it was in the dessert. Gary said the ring was under one of those dessert cover things. He said he was at a big table of like 30 people. He said everyone saw it. He said he really had no choice. Robin asked where it was. Gary said it was at the 21 Club.
Howard said Ronnie's proposal was the best. He said he did it for him. He played a clip from that show where Ronnie was telling Stephanie to pull out the box from the closet that said ''Steven Singer'' on it. He had her go into the closet and pull it out. She asked if it was what she thought it was. Ronnie said ''What the fuck do you think it is?''
Howard said he should have thought his proposal through better. He said he was going to give it to her on Valentine's day but he got the ring a day before. He said he just went for it.
Gary said they went around the office asking if anyone did anything weird. He sent Sal in to tell a story. Sal came in and said he threw himself down a flight of stairs on purpose. He said the point was to have her panic and he'd propose to her when she came to him. He said when he fell the four dogs in the house came to him and then everyone was yelling at the dogs so he just gave her the ring. He said he thought it was pretty good. Howard said he must have hurt himself. Sal said not as much as he hurts now. Howard said his stunt was a Jackass stunt. He said his wife should have known then.
Robin said the founder of Jefferson Airplane has passed away at the age of 76. Robin said his name is Marty Balin. Robin had some details about what people said about his death. Robin had some of the songs he wrote for Howard to play. Robin and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about the guy.
Robin read a story about Shia LaBeouf getting divorced. Howard said he didn't even know he was married. Robin said they were married 2 years ago in Vegas. She said they dated for a few years before that. Robin said she's now dating FKA Twigs. Howard said she's the one that Robert Pattinson was dating when he came in there. He said she must be hot if he's dating her. He said then he heard her music and he was like ''what the fuck?'' He asked what the FKA is. Fred said it's Formerly Known As. Howard played some of her music and Fred said he likes her. He said the video for this song is really good. Howard said he watched the Wrecking Ball music video that Miley Cyrus did. He said that was good. He said he watched that twice yesterday. He said he should check out that FKA Twigs video.
Robin read a story about Melania Trump going on a 4 nation tour of Africa today. Robin said this is her first solo trip. Robin read about where she's going. Robin also mentioned that President Trump tweeted that he hated Saturday Night Live other than Kanye West. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how it's going to be a bad show today. He said he got no sleep. He was up at 3am and he's not feeling happy. He said tune over to whatever else is on. He said he can't possibly get through the morning.
Howard said they have to get to Richard and Sal who are wearing diapers today. He said they're having the heaviest diaper contest. He said he's not sure he could pee in a diaper. He played a song parody for the heaviest diaper theme. That was by Daniel Mendelson.
Howard had Richard and Sal go over to their spot in the studio. He said that Richard is dressed like a baby in a bonnet. Robin said they're wearing plastic pants. Howard said he doesn't want pee all over the place. He said they have plastic baby underwear over the diapers. Richard said they're under quarantine.
Howard said they should tell everyone what this is going to be. He said that they have not peed yet. Richard said he's ready to go right now. Howard had him go. Richard grunted a bit and said he hasn't done this in a while. He grunted some more. Howard said it must feel weird. Richard said you're used to holding your weiner in your hand. Sal said he thinks he can go too. He said this is odd though. Richard was going. Richard let it go and grunted and said that feels good. Howard said that was a full adult pee.
Robin asked if he saw a change. Sal said ''yeah, he's grosser.'' Howard asked if there's a smell. Richard said there is a plastic smell. Howard asked if Sal went yet. He said not yet.
Howard asked why Sal's bulge is so big. Sal said he has a huge penis. Howard said Richard is winning already. Sal said he can't go. He said this is so strange. Sal said it's at the tip but it won't come out.
Richard asked if he's ready to give up. Sal said he has to relax. Howard said they have the studio dressed like a nursery. He said at about quarter to 10 they'll weigh in the diapers and the loser has to change the winner. Sal said he's going. Howard said look at Richard's face. Sal said this is fucking gross. He said that his balls are wet. Howard asked if he was done. Sal said just about.
Robin asked if they're going to change diapers or keep one on. Howard asked if they're going to keep changing the diapers. Richard said they are. Sal said he's still going and he can feel it in the crack of his ass. Richard said there's no shitting. Sal said he's not shitting. He said he thinks he's done going. He said it's just gushing out. He said then it went up to the crack of his ass. He said he feels like he has scrambled eggs in his diaper.
Howard said they're just finding out what it's like to wear a diaper. He said Richard looks so happy. Richard said he feels good doing it. Sal said he's got a third rush coming. He said he didn't even drink water. He said he might be leaking soon. Richard said he's going again now too. Sal said he's still going.
Sal said he's in a pot of water. Howard said they're like pigs living in their own filth. Richard said he's going again. He said he just farted. Sal said he's done. He took a look in there. Howard wondered what they weigh. Howard said they should weigh them now. Sal asked if Fred wants to take a look in there. Fred said sure. Sal went over to him and showed Fred the diaper. Fred said he sees an ugly penis and Sal's hand shaking. He said that's a full diaper.
Howard said Sal and Richard will be filling their diapers and they will change into new ones when they get too full. He asked who is going to track that. Sal said Shuli is in here. Sal said he's moving up in the world.
Howard said the loser has to change the winner into a new diaper. He said it's not the best punishment but that's all they've got. Sal said he just had to shake off.
Howard wondered who is going to win this. Robin said she thinks it's going to be Sal. Howard said he thinks Richard. He bet Robin $20 on that. Howard said Fred got to see that full diaper. Fred said it was some sight.
Gary came in to weigh the diapers. He said they were going to do this later but they'll do it now. Howard had Richard drop his diaper. Robin said they must be able to change somewhere else. Howard said Richard went twice. Robin said Sal went like 5 times. Sal said Richard's cock looks like a ballpark frank. Gary said he should talk about a dick. Sal said he's looking at one.
Richard's diaper weighed in at .2 pounds. Howard had Sal weigh his in next. Sal came in at .6 pounds. Howard said he owes Robin 20 bucks.
Sal did a cock dance where he was slapping his dick on his stomach. It was making a loud noise. Sal said it's a useless thing these days so it doesn't hurt. Richard said he thinks Sal is going to burn himself out.
Howard said that the guys checked in with their fathers and Richard's dad was very hopeful for him to win this thing. Howard played a clip of Richard telling his dad about the contest. Richard's Dad asked if he can piss a lot. Richard said he drinks a lot so he can go a lot. Richard asked who he thinks is going to win. Richard's Dad said he raised him to win so he hopes he can win. Howard said he loves that guy so much. He said his dad has no judgments. He said he raised him to be a winner. He said he so loves him. He said it's the complete opposite of what he had from his dad. He said his dad is so loving. He said he's just fucking awesome. Richard said he knows what he means.
Howard said his dad is great but then Richard is an alcoholic so something is wrong. He played another clip of Richard talking to his dad about peeing outside. They had an incident though so he had to stop doing that. Richard's Mom said she made him stop pissing off the front porch because she slipped and fell in his pee. Richard's Dad said she made him stop that and he has to walk down to pee in the grass. Richard's mom said it killed the grass. Richard said if you shit out there the grass will grow back. Richard's Mom said no to that.
Howard asked what the hell is going on out there. He asked why he pisses off the porch. He said how about walking outside a bit. He said it must smell out there. Richard said yeah. Robin said if she was with a guy who peed on the porch she'd be out of there. Howard said it's unbelievable. Richard said he used to live in that storage unit and he'd pee outside it. Robin said Richard pees all over the city too.
Howard said Sal's Dad had the opposite reaction to this. He played a clip where Sal broke the news to his dad. Sal's Dad asked what he's doing. Sal said he wanted to get his opinion on that. Sal's Dad said he's a grown up man and he can't be doing that. He asked what kind of job this is. He said he doesn't like what he's doing. Robin said that's what she calls a normal reaction to this.
Howard said that's what his dad would say. He said at least he cares. Richard said Sal was afraid to call his dad. Sal said he's 49 and he's still afraid of the guy. Howard said he could tell him that he had a second family out there. Sal said he's afraid to say anything wrong to his dad so he doesn't do that kind of thing.
Howard took a call from fake Sal's Dad who was going on and on about Sal and working in the pizzeria.
Howard asked if they have to pee again yet. The guys said not yet. Howard said they can go and they'll talk about this later. Howard let the guys go and played them out with the theme song for the heaviest diaper.
Howard said he would have bet the farm on Richard on that. Robin said Sal just kept going and going. Howard said he thought he was making that up and acting.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was going to throw up when he heard the pee going into Sal's asshole. He said he should figure out who is going to have skid marks in their diaper. Howard said he told the guys they can't shit. He said they can only do their regular drinking of fluids and not drink too much. He said it can be dangerous to drink too much.
Howard said he has to give Robin her 20 bucks. He said he's kind of upset that he lost. Robin said it was so easy to tell. Howard said Richard is fired if he doesn't make him back his money today.
Howard said he watched The Voice at 3 in the morning. He said Jennifer Hudson is very good looking. He said she's kind of hot. Robin said she is a late bloomer.
Howard said Adam Levine is a guy who can sing. He said he can play every instrument. He said he's a super talent. He said he wonders if he's sitting there wondering what the fuck happened. He said it's exhausting to do a show like that. He said he found it so fucking draining. He said he got so vicious and mean at some of those tapings. He said they cut that all out. He said he was so nasty at times. He said he was told that he could be nasty but they'd always cut it out. He said he had a magician and an assistant crying. Robin said she remembers the young boy crying. Howard said he wasn't mean to that kid. Robin said he should have said he was so cute.
Howard said at one point he was watching The Voice and Kelly Clarkson and Blake Shelton were having a rivalry. He said Blake Shelton must want to get out of there. He said he found that so exhausting. Robin said if you were a successful rock musician then you didn't need a second job. Howard said just listen to Adam Levine covering Purple Rain on their show. He said he's so good. He said the guy writes songs and then he's on that show fighting with Jennifer Hudson.
Howard said maybe it's just him being a miserable mother fucker. He said that he thinks that Adam can't stand being on the show but maybe he doesn't mind it. He said it has to be exhausting. He asked how many times you can say you want to be someone's coach.
Howard said this 40 year old comes on the show and he sings great. He said the show is kind of sad. He said this guy is 40 and trying to get something going. Robin said he's looking at the wrong way. Robin said he's finally getting a break. Howard laughed.
Howard said he watched 60 Minutes and they did an interview with Paul McCartney. He said he thinks they got a lot of the material for that from this show. He said he's not sure why he's so angry about this stuff. He said he is really angry about some big issues. Robin said this is silly stuff. Howard said everything about him is angry.
Howard said he paints and you have to be able to draw. He said he picks up a pencil and tries to draw. He said he likes this guy Samuel Prout so he wanted to draw like him. He said he got angry when he found out he can't draw like that. He said that he isn't sure why he can't do it. He said he got angry with himself. He said he still can't paint like the guy. He said he feels like an idiot. He said that's how he feels when he's done with his hobby.
Robin said Howard was miserable with chess too. Howard said he had to stop playing because he can't stand to lose. He said this guy invited him over to his house the other day to play chess. He said he doesn't take lessons anymore but this guy invited him over. He said he went over there and this guy is a very wealthy white man with two black men hanging out there. He said he was very impressed.
Howard said both of these guys are speed chess guys. He said they're rated very high in speed chess. Howard said he sat down to play this guy who is rated at 2300. Howard said he took a piece from the guy. He said he took his knight. He said that's a slam dunk win. He said this guy said he was so embarrassed. He said he wondered if Howard Stern was about to beat him. He said they thought he was a ringer. Howard said they said he was doing pretty well right now. He said he choked and lost. He said he got check mated. Howard said this is why he won't play chess anymore.
Howard said all he had to do was trade down his pieces and he would have won. He said he went home pissed off and just went to bed. He said he gets upset with that and watching The Voice and with 60 Minutes. He asked why he's so upset.
Howard said he was getting all worked up about the Prince Batman album. He said that guy was so brilliant. Fred played one of the songs from the movie soundtrack. Howard said the reason it was so brilliant is because he sampled the movie clips into the songs. Howard had Fred play the Vicky Vail song. He played that. Howard said just listen to this. He said this mother fucker was on fire. Howard said that was the wrong song. He said he used to be able to find the songs he wanted easier before the computer. Fred played ''The Future'' for Howard. Howard said this guy was on fire. He said the part might be in the middle of ''Bat Dance.'' Howard said this is a genius at work. He said he made Jack Nicholson a music star. He said just listen to this.
Howard told Fred to turn it off. He said now the guy is dead and his family is letting his songs go into commercials. Howard said imagine Prince goes into the studio and comes out with that album. He said that guy is a genius. He said Jamie Foxx called him the prettiest N-word he's ever seen. Howard said that's he best when Jamie Foxx is talking about Prince. Robin said he looks like Ariana Grande. Howard said Ariana has bigger tits and no moustache.
Howard said this album was genius. He said it's even better than Purple Rain. He said that's what he was thinking about.
Howard said he was reading about Carrie Underwood talking about how she was afraid that her face was going to look different after her accident. Howard said he can't see any difference. He said he thinks the story is all bullshit. He said he doesn't see anything different. He said he doesn't like the term ''fake news'' but that's fake news.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to give him a heads up about a station using some audio of his voice in a bumper. He said they used him talking about being under attack from a rival station. Howard said he knows nothing about that. He said thanks for the heads up. Howard said he has to leave right now to go visit his lawyer. He said thanks again for that.
Howard said he's just glad to be off regular radio. He said he doesn't miss that at all. He said everyone was so uptight. He said there was so much struggle. He said you'd think they were creating a cure for cancer with all of that carrying on. He said it's pleasant there. He said you'll never hear him say anything bad about SiriusXM. He said they just shelled out like 3.5 billion for Pandora. He said if it's good for the company then good. Robin asked if that will make her subscription free. Howard said he's sure she can pull some strings to get it free.
Howard said he has stock in this company and he'd like to see it go up. He said he's sure Robin has some. Robin said not anymore. She said she sold it. Howard said at one point it was worth like 5 cents. He said they announced they were buying Pandora and the stock dropped like a whole dollar. He doesn't understand the market.
Howard said he's not sure who is playing the game with the stock market. He said that he will look at the Sirius stock. He said it was very weird but he talked to XM about 5 years before they were even up and running. He said he even talked to Pandora. He said they were kind of arrogant and they were acting like they were doing him a favor. He said Sirius was doing everything they could to get him there. He said it's weird that 10 years later they own XM and now Pandora. He said he was walking around his apartment all full of himself. He said look what happened. He said Sirius hired him and now they own both of the other companies.
Howard said it's very weird that the stock drops though. He said he felt like the destroyer of worlds. He said he was brought right back down to earth again though.
Howard said he wishes that Sirius could buy every company that rejected him. He said he wishes they could buy every girl that wronged him too. Robin said you don't want to be buying girls.
Howard said there's a story about a girl who was sold into slavery when she was 10. He said she was sent to New York to see snow and she ended up watching kids for free instead. He said she was highly disappointed about the whole thing. Then she realized her parents had sold her. He said she made good on her life though. He said there's still slavery going on apparently.
Howard said this girl came from Liberia. He said you'd think she'd be sold to someone in Egypt or something. He said that he bought Fred from his parents for some camels. Fred played some clips from Roots. He said OJ Simpson was in Roots. Robin forgot he was in it. They spent a few minutes talking about the people who were in that show.
Howard said he's trying to remember how old he was when he saw Roots. He said he's not sure if he was still in Roosevelt. He said he thinks he was out of there by then. He said he probably would have been hung if he was still there. He said they had no white people to beat up other than him.
Howard asked when that movie came out. Fred said 1977. Howard said he was in college by then. He said he's glad he wasn't in Roosevelt then. He said OJ was in a lot of shows. Robin said they said that was a launching pad for OJ. Howard said OJ told Cosby to watch his back in prison. He said he wonders how Cosby is doing in there. He said he'd like to know how it's going for him there.
Howard said he didn't see this report. He said they say that someone threw a stale hot dog bun at Cosby on his first day in. Howard said he used to have the number one show on NBC. Howard said he'd think you don't throw a bun at someone. He asked how someone stays fat in prison. Robin said they probably go in fat. Howard said prisoners can make a gun out of soap. He said they must be able to turn a hot dog bun into a rock or something. He said go ahead and throw that shit at the rapist Cosby. He said he doesn't care.
Howard said Sal has his shirt off and he does have titties. He said Ed Torian mentioned he has farm animal tits. Sal said he's trying to pull his shoulders back to make them smaller. Howard asked if he works out at all. Sal said he does. He said that there's just so much fat there that he can't get rid of it.
Gary asked Howard about the tattoo on Sal's arm. It's of Sal and his two sons but not his wife. Sal said his wife took the picture. Howard said just go piss in your diaper.
Howard said Sal used to hold his grandfather's penis when he peed. Howard had Sal come back in to tell that story. Sal said when his grandmother passed away he would go help him. He said he had a bad hip. Howard said this is like that video he watched the other night where the step mom had to help her son pee.
Sal said his grandfather had a life alert that he would hit all the time. He said he'd hit it for anything he wanted. He said that his father asked him to check on him one day. He said he went down to check and he was sitting on the couch. He said that his grandfather spoke perfect English because he was born there in America. He said he moved to Italy and raised his dad so that's why his dad has an accent.
Sal said he went to his grandfather's house to check on him. He said he was the one who told his grandmother to go outside during Yankee games because she was a distraction for him.
Sal said that he went to see his grandfather and there was a green canister on the counter that he asked him to get. He said he went and got it and he had him put it between his feet. He said he had to take a piss. He said he thought he was done but he called him back. Sal said his grandfather got in his walker and asked him to unzip his fly and take out his tool. Sal said his grandfather yelled at him to do it. He said he was about 22 at the time. Sal said he pulled down his fly and it was kind of damp. He said that he remembers looking away and reaching in to find it. He said his cock was stuck to his balls and he peeled it like Velcro. He said that he was uncut too. He said he reached in further and pulled his pants Howard. Howard asked if he thought he was gay or something. Sal said no. He said that he didn't get turned on at all either. Howard said Sal had the most fucked up childhood ever.
Sal said he was holding the cock and it was very warm. He said he felt the vibration of the piss going through it. He said he aimed it as well as he could to get it in the can. Howard asked how old he was. Sal said he was about 22. Howard asked if he was still living at home. Sal said he was. He said that he was engaged.
Howard said this girl who was a slave had a better life than Sal. Sal said he had to turn away while he was peeing. He said he saw the cock. He said he lined it up and looked away as he was peeing. He said his grandfather was asking him to hold it. He said once it stopped he shoved it back in his pants. Howard said he had to be able to do it himself. Sal said he used to make his grandmother button his pajamas. He said he's not sure why but that's what he did.
Howard said that's some old school shit. He said his dad doesn't do anything for himself. He said his mom does it all. He said he and his sister had a talk with her about it. He said she's 90 and he's 94 so maybe he should get his own coffee. He said his mom said she likes doing it for her husband. He did his impression of his mother telling them that.
Sal got back to the story and told Howard about jamming his cock back into his pants and then his grandfather yelled at him to take it back out and shake it. He said he reached in and shook it as hard as he could. He said then he jammed it back in and his hand was all wet. He said he zipped it up and then ran out. He said he had to go back and empty the bucket out in the tub. He said he's not sure why he didn't dump it in the toilet. Sal said he zipped him up and that was it. He said he thinks his old man sold him out. He said he may have known. He said that he must have known that he did this around the same time every day. He said his father must have said he was never going to do it again.
Howard asked how he never did it again. Sal said he just said no. He said he didn't tell his dad he won't go back. Howard said he went to his grandpa's house and almost had to jerk him off. He said that's trauma. Howard said his life is a nightmare. He said he barely has sex anymore. Sal said he has sex. Howard asked how long ago he did. Sal said about 2 weeks ago. Howard said he bets there was no nonsense going on there. Sal said however you put it. He said it was fine and beautiful. Howard said Sal wants to piss on people. He said that's not beautiful. Sal said he's been watching rim job porn lately.
Shuli said that he and Sal did a gig years ago and Sal grabbed his cock while he was peeing. He said he almost killed him. Sal said he gave him a quick squeeze. Sal said it was like ''fraternizing.'' He kept messing up the word. Howard goofed on him about that.
Howard said Fred is the smartest guy he knows and Sal is the dumbest. He said that Beetlejuice got that word right.
Howard said that story is very strange. Sal said they've told that story before. Howard said that's sick. He said you don't grab a guy's cock in the bathroom. Sal said it was a mood breaker. Shuli said he put Sal up against he wall and told him to never touch his dick again. Sal said he has good girth.
Richard said he has to pee again. He went in his diaper and described it as it was going. He said this one is a big one. Richard said he's sitting down this time. He said he's still going. He said it's filling up. Sal said he's going too. Sal told Howard it's warm and shooting out. Howard said they're doing this to see who has the heavier diaper today. Sal said he has a beautiful flow going right now. Howard asked if his balls are wet. Sal said they are soaked. He said this is a lot of piss. Richard said he's going again. Sal said he's got a big gusher. Robin said she'd sticking with Sal. Sal said he feels like he has the same amount as earlier. Howard asked what brand of diapers they're using. They were North Shore diapers according to Richard.
Robin said she's sticking with Sal. Howard said that he'll go with Richard. Shuli said they have a thermal camera to show where the heat is in the diaper. Howard said they'll have that up on the app. Howard had the boys come back in to weigh in. Sal said he's still going. Howard said imagine the guy who invented thermal imaging. He said they're peeing in a diaper and they're filming it with that.
Sal said he thinks Robin is going to win this one. Fred said he thinks Sal is going to take it. Howard said he's going with Richard. Richard said he won't let him down this time.
Howard said he'll do this weigh in and then take a break. Howard had the guys come in to weigh in. Gary was wearing something on his nose. He said it's a clothes pin. Howard asked who they'll weigh first. It was Richard. Richard weighed in at .8 this time. Sal took his diaper off and weighed in with a soaking wet diaper at .4 pounds. Howard said he's taking his 20 back. Robin yelled at Sal. Richard said he's the titan of tinkle. Howard said they're actually tied. Sal hugged Richard and Richard slapped his dick on him. Howard said go put their new diapers on. He played them off with the theme song. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he has to admit that he has no idea what .10 stands for. He said Richard was a .2 and he had no idea what it was. Gary said it's pounds. He said it's 2 1/10ths of a pound. He said they're doing the weight of the diaper. Gary said that it's not .10, it's 1.0. Gary said if you add .6 and .4 then you have 1 pound. Gary said that's on both sides they each have 1.0 pounds. Howard said that Gary is their Pisstatition. He said you have to have a math background for that. Howard said he could never figure that stuff out in class. He said he's an idiot.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is the greatest show in the history of the world. He said that Sal is the greatest new hire in the history of radio. He said he's such a gem. He said there is so much more they could know. Howard said he odes wonder what he doesn't know about him. He said that he had to hire both Sal and Richard. He said they were both equally good. He said he knew he had to hire both.
Howard said you think about Sal's grandfather and how he was asking his grandson to hold his cock. He said that's weird. Robin said there was the whole thing with the can on the floor and all of that. Howard said the whole story was idiotic. He said all he had to do was hold the can up to his cock. He said he held his cock instead. He said if you're just tuning in go back an hour or so and listen to what he had to do.
Sal was back on microphone and saying that his grandfather was nasty and you just did what he told you to do. He said if he had held that canister up to his cock he would have yelled at him not to do that. The caller said Sal was 22 at the time. Howard said he should have told him what he was willing to do and not do.
Sal said his grandfather was holding his walker at the time. Howard said it didn't even occur to Sal to hold the can up. Sal said he doesn't know. Howard said he's getting lectured by a guy in a diaper.
Sal said what he's saying is that he doesn't understand the man. He said that he just did what the man told him to do. Howard said he didn't have to hold his cock.
Sal said he once walked in on his grandmother shaving her face. He said she had so much shaving cream on that she looked like Santa. He said that his grandfather had a cane. He said he set it on the car and drove off. He said he made his grandmother walk a block to pick it up. He said this is the man he had to deal with. Howard said he didn't have to do what his grandfather asked him to do. He said imagine doing that. Richard said Sal still loves grabbing guy's cocks. He said he grabbed Shuli.
Howard said he's never going to be able to be a judge on the Supreme Court. He said Shuli will blow that story up. That led to Howard talking about what a weirdo Brett Kavanaugh was at that hearing. He said that snorting and face making was really strange to him. He said they never did learn when he lost his virginity. He said no man who didn't get laid until college should be sitting on the supreme court. Howard said he knows Trump and he thinks that he's going to stick with the guy until the end. He said he has to be thinking this guy is a fucking weirdo. He said that he probably feels he'll be seen as weak if he drops the guy. He said the guy has that weird facial tick too. He said he's a nervous mother fucker. He said that guy didn't get laid until after college and he wants to sit on the Supreme Court. He said he's going to get back at everyone. He said he's an angry dude. He said kiss your rights goodbye ladies.
Howard said kiss your right to having free will over your body if that guy gets in. He said if you think you own your pussy you won't after that guy gets in.
Howard said that he knows Trump. He said he didn't wait for college to get pussy. He said this guy Kavanaugh is lit up. He said they should have asked what it was about him that stopped him from getting laid. He said they should have asked if he got tittie in college at least. Robin said he was screaming about how he worked his butt off but he always had time for beer. Howard said Benjy even got laid in college. He said he's got weird skin and he found a girl to give him sex. Sal said he looks like a fat burn victim and he got laid.
Gary said that Benjy is saying that Kavanaugh chose to wait. Howard said sure he did. Gary said Benjy was also saying that he's upset about him making fun of his looks. Howard said he's complimenting him in a way.
Richard said he has to pee again. He said it's a big one too. He went and grunted as he was going. Richard said it's still going. The caller asked if Sal's grandfather left him anything in his will. Sal said he got nothing.
Howard said JD didn't get laid until later in life too. He said that he isn't going to sit on the Supreme Court though. He said JD got all freaked out when he asked him how marriage is. He said JD said that for her it's better but for him it's the same. He said he was saying that he should have a little romance in his life. JD said his love hasn't changed for her. He said he has always felt close to her. Howard asked if the bonding has been good. Howard said talking to JD is like talking to Tarzan. He said they go into the jungle and he grunts and can barely speak. He said you knew what he was saying though.
Robin asked if JD is like Dexter. She said he was trying to figure out what feelings were and what to say about them. JD said he knows what feelings are. Howard said it's like The Fly and how Brindle Fly was more communicative than JD is. Robin said it's more like a sociopath kind of thing.
Howard said he heard that JD and his wife bicker a lot. JD said they joke around a lot like Ronnie and Stephanie. He said she'll say something and he'll do whatever. He wasn't able to come up with an example.
Howard told JD not to compare his relationship to Ronnie and Stephanie. He said that's not someone to look up to. He said Ronnie still hasn't taken down that retweet they talked about yesterday. He said Ronnie just doesn't get it.
Howard said he has to give JD a tip. He said he has to tell his wife to lighten up. JD asked what he's going to do. Howard said she's supposed to be a safe space. JD said she is. Howard said it doesn't sound like it to him. Robin said she writes a nice note. She said she knows that.
Gary said JD and his wife argue about social media stuff too. Howard asked what happened with the pee. Richard said he's going again. Robin said Richard got a late start and he's going to come up with more pee in the end. Richard was grunting again. Sal said he made the same sounds before and he beat his ass.
Howard asked if JD's wife knows that he gets goofed on a lot at work so he doesn't want that at home. JD said she knows. He said it's fine.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked why Richard sounds like he's in pain when he pees. Howard said he's just making sounds so you know something is going on. Shuli said Richard is enjoying this way too much. He said the diaper looks really full too. Howard said they should weigh it. He had Richard come back in to weigh it.
Howard said he's not betting on this stuff anymore. He said he had a .6 as the biggest. He said Sal had a .8 on the second attempt. Gary said that this one is 1.2 pounds. Howard said just that one. Gary said that's right. He said he's at 2.2 pounds total. Sal said he has to beat 1.1. They said no, it's 1.2. Sal said he gets it. He said he has to be above that to win. Fred played a drop of Sal trying to say fraternizing.
Howard said he has to take another break. He said he's way behind. He said maybe some day he'll get it right. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play. He said he loves the disabled voice thing that they do on the phone. He said he likes the sound of that. He said they love calling radio shows as a guy who relies on a computer to talk. He said this one is a home run. He said it's a guy and his mother who are both disabled. He said the whole family speaks through a computer. He said this is the man and his mother calling into a Current Affairs kind of show.
In the clip they have a guy calling in with his computer voice talking about how he loves their show. He said he has a bone to pick with them because they never talk about disabled people's rights. Then he goes off on them cursing them out and telling them they have to talk about that kind of thing on their show. They cut the caller off on the show. Then the mother calls in with her computer voice. She was upset with them mocking her son. They were telling the hosts that they suck and the hosts hung up on them again.
Howard said like mother like son. He said that's a whole family of computerized voices.
Howard asked if this proves anything at all. Richard said his dad did say he taught him how to be a good pisser.
Shuli said that they're getting really freaky back there. He said Sal suggested that they wring out the diaper into their mouth. Howard said that's gross. Richard said that was Sal's idea. Howard said that's not going to happen. Howard said Shuli is dressed like Walter White in Breaking Bad.
Howard said all of these guys are delaying the inevitable. He said they're delaying responsibility. He said when he was 27 he was trying to build a career. He said that nothing is going to happen for them on The Bachelor. He said he was in radio and had to be at the station for 15 hours a day. He said he was there day and night. He said he can't take a year off to film a show. He said his career would be over.
Howard said if you're on The Bachelor and don't have a job then you're just delaying things. He said you have to go out and build a career. He said this guy isn't getting laid so there's some issue going on there. He said he's watching this Judge Kavanaugh and there's something going on with him too. He said he went to Yale. He said he could have gotten laid. He said there isn't a guy who graduates Yale who can't get a job.
Howard said he knew a guy who went to Yale and had a double major. He said he had women lining up for him and he looked like a Tuba. He said if you go to Yale and can't get laid then there's something wrong with the guy. He said he knows Trump thinks this guy is weird.
Shuli interrupted and said Sal has to go again. Sal grunted and told Robin to pull out her wallet. Howard said they should weigh them in again. He said it has to be smelly and sticky in there. Sal said that's about right. Richard said it's warm though. He said it feels good.
Howard asked if his asshole burns. Sal said it feels warm. He said his balls are immersed right now. Sal said that was a big one. Richard said he has to fart too. He blasted it out into the diaper. Sal said he's making a soup.
Howard said that they should weigh them in now. Howard asked if this is more disturbing than the Craptacular. Sal said they're going on their bodies and Erik shit in a bag. Howard said they win.
Howard had Gary weigh them in. He played them in with their theme song. Gary gave a rundown of what they have. Richard was at 2.2 pounds and Sal is at 1 pound. Richard said he had an accident. He said he's sorry about that. Sal said he can smell it. Gary took a whiff. Gary said it's a turd. He said it's a soft turd. Howard asked who could have predicted this. Richard said he really didn't mean to do that. Howard said the whole contest is over. Sal said they have to disqualify this diaper. Richard said he's willing to do that. Gary said there's no way he could have fucked up. He said there's a decent amount in there. Richard said he didn't mean to do it. Gary said he has to have shitty underwear every day then.
Sal said they have had mentally challenged people on the show and they don't do that. Sal took his diaper off to get weighed. Howard asked if Gary threw down the brown flat on that one. Gary asked if Howard or Robin wanted to look. Howard said no way. Richard said he's trying to threw it away. Howard told him to get out. Robin said he was sitting in that. Sal said Richard has shit on his balls. He said he's a fucking animal. Howard said this is coming from a guy in a diaper.
Gary weighed Sal's diaper. He said this one weighs in at 1 pound. Sal was up close to Richard and said they have a game now. Gary said only because Richard shit his diaper. Sal said it's like football with penalties.
Howard said that they're close. Gary said that Richard is at 2.2 pounds and Sal is at 2.0. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said now they're separated by .2 pounds. He said that it is close now. Shuli said Richard is back from cleaning his ass. Richard said he didn't do it on purpose. He said he's bummed now. He said he wanted Howard to hear the fart on the air. He said he just pushed too hard. He said he wanted to impress Howard and everybody. He said he was just trying. Howard said Richard was running away with the contest. He said now they had to disqualify that diaper.
Richard said thanks for not disqualifying him. Robin said he should have been so he could see Sal having diaper after diaper weighed.
Howard asked how he got to the bathroom. Richard said he ran back there to the bathroom there. Robin said he should be disqualified and have to go home. Howard said it's the middle of a big contest. Howard asked how he knows the doody didn't get all over. Richard said he wiped up with a whole roll of toilet paper. Shuli said it still smells back there. Howard said he's going to throw up.
Howard asked if Robin is calling Sal the winner. Sal said Richard is clean now. Robin said no he's not. Howard asked if he sabotaged himself. Richard said he's sorry and he's just afraid he's going to get in trouble. Howard said he knows he didn't do it on purpose. He said they've been planning this for a long time. Richard said his mother in law is listening too. He said she's going to be disappointed. Robin said she already knows. Howard said he's sure she does. He asked if he wants to apologize to Robin. Richard said yes. He apologized to her and said he wanted to make good radio and he's sorry he did that. He sounded like he was in tears.
Howard told Richard to go back to doing his thing. Richard said he has to pee now. Howard said just do it and leave his microphone off. He said that they'll have one more weigh in. Robin said he's always ruining the contests.
Howard said years ago they had Beetlejuice vomiting in a bathroom. He played some of that vomiting sound. He said that's just some of the stuff you'll hear on the Beetle's channel. Howard played another clip where Beetlejuice was blaming another little person for shitting his pants.
Howard said one thing they found is that Beetlejuice is a good musician. He said he just makes up his own lyrics to songs. He played his ''Bad as Can'' song. Howard said he loves this song. He said that song took them by storm. He said Blues Traveler did a cover of that song and he loved that too. He played some of that cover.
Howard said that he loves that version of the song. Robin said that was John Popper. Howard asked where that guy is these days. He asked what happened to that guy. He asked if they're still touring. Fred said he thinks he's still doing solo stuff. He said they have a new album coming out soon. Howard said what a talent and what a voice.
Howard said the dude from Staind, Aaron, did an acoustic version of that song too. He played some of that cover. Howard asked where Aaron is these days. Robin said that was Beet's biggest hit. He had so many covers.
Howard asked where Aaron is. Gary said that someone said he did a country record. Howard said don't tell him that. He said Staind put that song on their album and Beetlejuice got some money from it.
Steve Brandano saw Blues Traveler recently so Howard got him on microphone to talk about that. Fred ended up doing his impression of Steve talking about all of that.
Howard asked the real Steve where he saw them. Steve said he saw them in Virginia at a music festival. He said there were a lot of cool people there.
Howard played some of Beet's song ''In the House'' and said you'll hear this on Beetle's channel next week.
Robin said that song is almost as hypnotic as Tan Mom's song. Howard said that they're working on a remix of that song with Snoop Dogg. Howard said he laid down some tracks for that. He asked if they'll have that for the Beetle's channel. Will said they have some more big acts coming in to work on that. Gary said Snoop was really good. Howard asked if it would be wrong to hear it in the works. He said maybe he should wait. Gary said they'll have something for tomorrow.
Robin said Snoop is on that Joker's Wild and he seems so high on that show. Howard said of course he is.
Howard said they're going to debut a new Beetlejuice song right now. He said this is ''I can do what I want.'' He played the song and they had both Beetlejuice and Tan Mom singing on that one.
Howard said all next week they'll have the Beetle's Channel going on during Sternthology. Howard said speaking of Tan Mom she's in a new movie with Bradley Cooper called ''A Star is Brown.'' He played a trailer parody for that movie.
Howard said that's great. He said there's a scene where she's in a well and gets a plate in her head. He said everyone is fully tanned in that movie.
Howard said on this sports show they were showing a clip of this guy named Nyheim Hines and the guy did a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said there were more earlier this year. He played another one from a football game when the commentator did it.
Howard played one more from a golf tournament that was really good. Howard said that it's still happening out there. He said everyone loves it. He said it's like genital herpes and it will never go away. They went to break after that.
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Howard said they should do a final weigh in with the diaper contest. He said they did a contest between Richard and Sal. He said Robin is saying that Sal has already won. Richard may have disqualified himself. Howard said what he's thinking is that they should have someone get on that changing table. Robin said she's not sure it's right to have Richard's legs in the air because he just cleaned himself off with toilet paper. Howard said that's a good point.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's disgusted by this contest. He said Richard should be disqualified. Sal said he doesn't think so. He said just that diaper. He said if he loses he's got to clean fecal matter up. He said they have to just forgive. Richard said Sal farted during the break. Howard said Sal seems to know when he's shitting though. Richard said he swears he didn't know. He said he would have said something. Howard said he had to know. Richard said he didn't know.
Gary said Richard is saying he was peeing and he was unsure there was shit in his diaper until he took it off. Howard said he knows when he takes a doody. Richard said he could not tell. Sal said they need an FBI investigation.
Jason said that Richard said ''Oops'' when he farted. Richard said he may have had an idea but he didn't know it was that bad. He said he didn't feel that something was in there. Howard said he must have felt it float in there. Richard said he didn't feel anything.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Richard is so full of shit. He said he totally did it on purpose. Howard said Richard shit his pants while he was sitting on his couch. Howard asked if it was a full shit. Richard said it was just like this was. Gary said he heard it got on the couch. Richard said it did a little. He said he was in his underwear and it came out the side. Howard asked why his ass is so loose. Richard said he doesn't know. He said he just has a loose asshole.
Howard asked Gary if he can believe this. Gary said he does seem to shit his pants a lot. Richard said he was mortified when he saw what was in his diaper. Howard said he looked happy to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if anyone in there is disgusted by this. Howard said he is but he's also laughing. He said he's not sure what he is. Robin said they're beaten to a pulp by Richard doing so many disgusting things. Howard said they had two rules for them and Richard managed to get one right. He didn't drink too much water. Robin said we're numb at this point. Howard said he's confused. He said he's not sure if he should give them a promotion or fire them.
The caller said Norm Macdonald was on a show called The Middle and they had a character that whooped when he talked and she thought it was like JD. Howard said he has no idea about that show so he can't comment on that.
Howard said they have to do this final weigh in. Gary gave a rundown of Richard's 4 diapers that came to 2.2 pounds and Sal had 3 at 2.0. Howard said Sal's diaper looks really soggy right now. Richard and Sal had just peed again.
Howard said that they're going to bet on the final tally. Howard said he just heard that Pandora just backed out of the deal with them. Sal said he has more coming now. He told Robin to look into his eyes.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks that Richard is going to win this. He said he's still ahead even with the disqualified diaper. Howard asked Robin who she's betting on. Robin said it's tough.
Howard asked Robin who she's picking to win. Robin went with Sal. Howard said he'll go with Richard then. Howard asked if he's the only one betting. Gary said he just wants it to be over.
Howard said it's time to weigh in. He said Richard will weigh in first. Gary took his diaper and said he's at 2.2 pounds and this diaper weighs in at 2.0 pounds. His total is 4.2 pounds. Sal said that's a little fishy.
Howard said it's time for Sal's weigh in. Robin said Sal needs 2.2 to tie. Howard said he needs 2.3 to win. Sal said he's still going. Gary said that's a big diaper. It was just about falling off according to Howard. Gary said that Sal is at 2 pounds and this one weighs in at 1.6. Richard pulled it off.
Howard said that Richard has to get on the changing table and Sal has to clean him up. Howard asked if he's putting a GoPro on his head. Richard said he is so they can get Sal getting grossed out. Sal said he has a shit stain on his thigh. He said this is so disgusting. He was wiping Richard down and Richard was laughing because it tickled.
Gary said Richard has a thing attached to his asshole. He said it's like a growth. Richard said it might be a small hemorrhoid. Gary said it's a lot of extra skin. Sal said this is so disgusting. He said he's wiping his testicles and his asshole. He said he felt the bump of the hemorrhoid on his finger.
Howard asked Richard how that feels. Richard said he loves it. He said it's the best ever. Sal applied some baby powder to Richard. He sprayed Richard in the face with it. Richard called him an asshole. Richard got it in his mouth. Howard asked if Richard is okay. Richard said he should piss in his face. Howard said it's enough already. He told Richard to get up. He had them finish up so they could get to news. Sal put on Richard's diaper and they wrapped up with the theme song.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that they can't be surprised that Richard is shitting himself and not knowing it. Howard said that he has taken stuff in his ass like beer. He said that he heard that one of the tings mentioned in the Kavanaugh hearings was about taking stuff in the ass like that. Fred said it's the Boofing thing. Howard said now they're saying that if Kavanaugh knew that Boofing was drinking through your asshole and lied about it then he could be disqualified for lying to the senate. He said that's perjury. He said imagine that brings the guy down. He said no wonder he was twitching.
Howard said fraternity like guys think that kind of stuff is funny hijinks. He said that's top of the line humor.
Howard said imagine that it goes down in the history books that he lied about Boofing and he was rejected. He said by the way it's not that hard to get drunk through your mouth. He asked why guys have to do that stuff in their asshole. He said if you're not getting laid in college you must have to put liquid in your asshole.
Howard said he's never heard of Boofing. He said he thought it was Boffing. Robin said that's just straight sex. Howard said he wonders what else that guy was up to. He did his impression of Kavanaugh talking about a dirty Sanchez and things like that. Howard said imagine you get turned down for that.
Howard said that the Devil's Triangle is also a sex thing and Kavanaugh said it was a drinking game. He did more of his Kavanaugh impression and made up more definitions for the wacky stuff he was up to. He was making up stories about what a Donkey Punch is and crying that this is a witch hunt. He made up a story about what ''docking'' is and said that's just parking your boat. He made up a few other things like that.
Howard said he never got his yearbook. He said this guy had some yearbook. Robin wondered who was in charge of that yearbook that let that stuff get printed in there. Howard said Judge Kavanaugh's yearbook is all references to parties and sex. Robin said no one is mentioning the underage drinking. Howard said it's all very odd. Howard asked Robin if she thinks he'll get in. Robin said yeah. She said they're not making as big a deal out of the yearbook thing as they are. Howard said he also said that he didn't get laid until long after college. Fred said he met his wife in 2001. Howard said any guy who graduates Yale can get laid. He said it's impossible not to. Howard said Stephen Hawking had tons of women. He said he dumped his wife. He said this Justice Kavanaugh can't get laid at Yale? He said Trump has to be freaked out by that. He said he can see Trump questioning that and saying he's a weirdo.
Howard said that Fred claims he got laid in college. Fred said he got a BJ in high school and sex in college. Fred said he never ''boofed.'' Howard said there's no way this guy couldn't get laid. Robin said when you get drunk to the point of throwing up you usually end up having sex. Howard said he thought he was a loser but look at this guy. He said he'd like to interview his wife. He said he wants to know if she knew he couldn't get laid. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said that Dr. Drew offered to do a psychological review of Ronnie after he retweeted that negative comment about him. He said drew sent him this explanation but he doesn't buy it. Howard said that Ronnie didn't delete that comment. He said he thought he would.
Howard played the clip of Dr. Drew talking about Ronnie's resentments for Howard but he also feels love for him. He said this tweet isn't a sign of him hating Howard but his love for Howard. Howard said he can't even follow this. Robin said there's a deep seeded love in his hate for him. He's torn over him. Gary said Ronnie just said to tell Dr. Drew to go fuck himself. He said Ronnie is out there saying he doesn't need him defending him.
Robin asked if Ronnie knows how to delete a tweet. Ronnie said he deleted it. Howard said it's still up there. Ronnie said he showed Fred yesterday what happened. Robin said she left so he didn't show her anything. Ronnie said he showed it to Fred and Gary then. He said there was an explanation for it. He said he deleted it yesterday. Ronnie said maybe it was this morning. Jason said it was still there at 7:01 this morning. He said he thought it was something good that he was retweeting. He said he didn't read the whole thing. Gary said that he showed him what he saw and it was ''I love Ronnie and...'' He didn't see the rest. Howard said he has to read the whole thing. He said it was about how Howard sucks. Ronnie said that he made a mistake. He said they all have his life all figured out.
Howard said Twitter is 140 characters mostly and he wasn't able to read it all. Ronnie said it had a lot of tags that Jason didn't show him. Howard thanked Ronnie. He said that he likes how angry Ronnie is when he didn't get fucked over. Howard said he's the one who got fucked over.
Howard asked Ronnie why he never accidentally retweet negative stuff about Kurt Busch or people like that. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said they all think they have his life figured out in there. Howard everyone knows how to delete. He said if he was trying to be on the Supreme Court he'd be out for lying about showing Robin and for saying he deleted it.
Robin started her news talking about how the world heath organization is talking about how many alcohol related deaths there are per year. Robin said they're bringing attention to that this month.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he can think about retiring after doing something gold like that contest. Howard said there you go.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he wants to ask why Ronnie doesn't start off saying that he has resentment for Howard. He said that's why it never gets resolved. He said he read that whole thing. Howard said he thinks he read the whole thing. He said no one does that. King started to compare it to something with his cock going into a woman so Howard hung up on him.
Robin read a story about these extended feeling condoms they make that tighten up. Robin said this guy in India had an allergic reaction to one and he kept going and his penis started to swell and became painful. Robin said he stopped and went to the hospital. Robin said his penis got infected and almost rotted off. Robin said let this be a warning to you. She said you might have an allergy. Robin said it caused a contact dermatitis. Robin said they had to cut that part off. She said it became gangrenous. Howard said he's lucky that condoms fit him like a poncho. Robin said that they had to give the guy antibiotics. She said he has recovered. Howard said you want to wear a condom and not get someone pregnant and then that happens. Robin said they had to give the guy a skin graft. Howard said he can't afford to lose one bit of tissue. Robin said 6 months later the guy is doing fine. She said he's a lucky man. Howard said that scares dudes from wearing condoms. Howard asked how his balls were. Robin said they were fine.
Robin read a story about two high school students who had sex in the classroom while people were around. Howard said Judge Kavanaugh is wondering how that happened. Robin had a recorded message from the school administrators about the incident. Robin had Howard play that message that the students shared video of the incident and they were notified of it immediately. Howard said those two must be real popular if they're doing that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and found out he got laid in high school. He said Kavanaugh is a fucking loser. Robin said you know it's bad when Jeff thinks you're a loser. Howard said Trump has to be thinking what's up with his nominee.
Jeff said he has a theory about why he woke up at 3 in the morning. Howard said this is going to be something stupid. Jeff said he thinks it was his conscience waking him up about what he said about Tiger Woods never being able to win another tournament. Howard asked when he said that. Jeff didn't have an answer. Howard said he doesn't think about Tiger Woods at all.
Robin read a story about how people who have a happy marriage live longer. Howard said he's not sure what makes a happy marriage. Howard said he was talking to JD about that and he can't get an answer. JD said that he has a lot of things on his mind. He said things are fine.
Robin said she's going to tell a story about some guys who won the Nobel prize and she'd believe they have things on their mind. She said JD can't have anything on his mind. Howard said JD told him that things are different for his wife but not for him. Robin said she told him that JD is like Dexter. JD said there is some money stuff that he's thinking about. Howard asked if he gave him enough as a gift. JD said it was fine. He said everything is fine. Fred still didn't give a gift but he said it's in the works. Howard said the wedding must have been tough on them. JD said that he's not in financial trouble. He said everything is fine. Howard asked if the family gave gifts. JD said they did. He said they gave what they could.
Howard kept giving JD a hard time about the wedding and how he had to fly people out to Vegas. Howard asked what it cost to fly people out there. JD said he doesn't remember. He said it may have been around 300 a person. Howard said it took Jason 3 years to pay off his wedding. He said that's ridiculous. He said a marriage shouldn't start off that way. He said JD is in a hole now. JD said he's not in any holes.
Robin asked what else they blew money on in Vegas. JD said they went out to dinner. Howard said he has to have a sit down with him. He said he'll straighten him out. JD said he doesn't have to do that. He told him not to bother him after the show. He said go meditate and leave him alone.
Robin read more about the people who are happily married. Robin said that they live longer if they are happy according to this study. Howard said he knows people who have been married too long and they've been in it too long. He said Sal would have had a happy marriage if he had gotten out of it 10 years ago.
Howard took a call from Wheels who called him ''boss.'' Howard said he's not sure why people do that. He said he's not his boss. Wheels said he is paralyzed and even he knows when he shits. He said that Richard has to know. He said it's a ''Look at me Daddy'' thing with Richard. Howard thanked him for the call.
Robin read a story about the Rock and Roll Hal of Fame looking for suggestions on inductees. Howard said ever since he did the Bon Jovi induction he's been asked to vote. He said he doesn't want to vote. Gary said if you're part of the nominating committee then he'd get to suggest bands. Howard asked if they pay for that. Gary said no. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said he doesn't like that his vote would count the same as Gary and Jon's votes. Gary said that they're 2 of 500 people who get to vote. Robin asked how they got that honor. Gary said none of your business. Howard said Jon wrote a book evaluating ice at fast food restaurants.
Robin said that Netflix is going to allow you to choose which ending you want in movies and TV shows. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said that he'd rather be mindless and let them pick. He said they tried that with porn years ago. He said that didn't work. Robin said they had a show where they let viewers choose the ending of an animated show. Robin said you get to choose what you like to see. Robin said how about just writing a movie. Howard said that's what he wants.
Robin read a story about a woman who wrote something on a Bruce Springsteen fan page and then the phone rang. Robin said the guy said ''Hi, it's Bruce'' but it turns out it wasn't Bruce. Robin said the guy got her to send him $11,500. Howard asked why he'd be looking for that. Robin said that's what she should ask. Robin said the guy claimed that he was getting divorced and his wife was tying up his money. Howard said that people do stuff like that on the internet. Robin said she started off with $600 and ended up giving him $11,500 more. Howard said that's just really silly. Gary said he read the article and at one point ''Bruce'' took pictures of gold bars and said he needed money to get them home from Dubai. Howard asked Wendy the Slow Adult to borrow money and Fred played clips of her saying yes to all of his requests. Gary said some of the money she sent him was in iTunes cards in $50 increments. Howard said that's the nuttiest story she's ever read.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was screaming about Howard calling her on New Year's Eve once. She said she wouldn't change that for all the money in the world. Howard said he asked his wife what to do with this Twitter thing on that night and they called some people who were saying nice things.
Howard took a call from fake Bruce Springsteen who was asking for Robin to send him pictures of her taking a shit. Robin said that's not going to happen.
Robin read a story about the Nobel prizes being handed out and how an American and Japanese researcher are sharing the prize. Robin read about how they were figuring out something that helps the body's own immune system fight cancer.
Howard took a call from fake Paul McCartney who was asking him to send him some money because he left his credit card there in the studio when he was up there. Howard said he'll send him his own credit card.
Robin read a story about the investigation into Brett Kavanaugh and how that's been going. Robin said it will be wrapped up on Friday. Robin said the president is still supporting Brett for the job. Robin said that Trump doesn't even want to talk about a Plan B.
Howard took a call from Chad from St. Louis who said it's weird to make fun of JD for his family not having money. He said it's his wedding. Howard said it's not a good idea to be in the hole. Chad said that he should leave his family out of it. Howard said he wasn't bringing them into it. He said this was about JD. He said fuck you to Chad and hung up on him.
Robin read a story about one of the Kavanaugh accusers talking about how she's not sure if Kavanaugh was one of the people who attacked her. She said that Mark Judge and Brett Kavanaugh were there and she felt disoriented. Robin said that she claims that the punch was spiked and he may have been part of that. Howard said that's fucked up if that's true. Robin said that she says she never saw him spike the punch but he was near the punch containers. Robin had more audio of this woman talking about what she allegedly saw Kavanaugh do at these parties. She had audio of the woman saying that Kavanaugh was a sloppy drunk and a mean drunk too. Howard asked what if this stuff is true. Robin said there's a story about him getting into a bar fight in his 20s. Howard said he's going to end up in prison with Bill Cosby if this continues. He said this is some crazy stuff.
Robin had some audio of President Trump talking about his nominee and not backing down from supporting him. Robin had audio of Trump talking about how he and Kim Jong Un fell in love when they met. Trump said that he knows they'll misrepresent that statement and say that he's all wrong about that.
Robin had some audio of Trump calling on a female reporter to ask a question and she said ''thank you Mr. President'' and he said ''I know you're not thinking, you never do.'' Howard asked if he has an explanation for that. Gary said the White House tried to change it to him saying that he said ''I know you never thank you...''
Robin said Trump also claims that he has never had a drink. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about Brett Kavanaugh and saying that he's not a drinker. He said he's never had alcohol for whatever reason. Howard said he knows guys who never even tried to smoke weed. He said he finds that odd. JD said he never has. Howard asked if he was ever curious. JD said it's just a road he doesn't want to go down. He said alcohol is enough. Robin said he didn't even drink when he started working there.
Robin asked if Louis C.K. should be on the come back trail. Robin said he was at the Comedy Cellar the other night. Howard said he read some article about how if he's doing a paid appearance that's fine but he's just showing up to test out material. Robin said he went on around midnight and a few women walked out. Howard asked who goes to comedy clubs. Robin said a lot of people. Howard said he never goes anywhere. He said he didn't even know people still did that. Robin said some people say he was being kind of arrogant and just saying he has been off for a while.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who was laughing when he picked up. Howard said he's always laughing but he's not funny. Howard said last time they spoke he mentioned that he's in a comedy contest. Speech Impediment Man said that contest is on the 15th. Howard said he's not sure if he's going to win based on the jokes he told last time. Speech Impediment Man told another joke about how he has a short dick and he got a hooker who pulled his pants down and gave him his money back. Howard asked why she did that. He said a hooker doesn't care. He said she would have fucked him and not given him a hard time about it. He said they have to have a joke that has some logic to it. He said that she'd like a small dick so she doesn't have to feel him.
Howard asked Speech Impediment Man how that's a joke. Speech Impediment Man tried explaining how it works but Howard didn't think it was a joke. Robin said that he has nothing to go on there. Howard said how about talking about going to a hooker and saying you have a small penis. He said how about the fact that you're paying for sex. Speech Impediment Man said that's true. Howard asked if he's going to hookers. Speech Impediment Man said he is. He said he had his first one at 23 in Las Vegas. He said he got a blow job behind a dumpster at the Golden Nugget. Howard said maybe do a routine on that. He asked how you advertise behind a dumpster. He said maybe that's more true than saying you have a small dick. Speech Impediment Man started to work on that joke. Howard asked why the hooker would make her job so hard staying behind a dumpster. Robin said none of this is funny. Speech Impediment Man said give him a break. Howard said how about the fact that he wants to be a stand up comic with a speech impediment.
Howard said good luck with the contest. Speech Impediment Man said he and Balls are going to try to get losers in the hall of fame on Thursday. Howard asked if he makes a living in comedy. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Robin got back to the Louis C.K. story and had Howard play some audio from that appearance. Louis got some cheers from the crowd as he got on stage. Robin said that the Comedy Cellar has had to warn people about how they don't know who might drop by so just be prepared. Howard said they're not responsible.
Robin read a story about the song Peggy Sue that Buddy Holly performed. Howard said that was before his time. Robin said the woman who was the inspiration behind the song has died at the age of 78. Robin said she wasn't involved with Buddy Holly but she was involved with someone else in the band. Robin said that the song was written about his cousin but they got him to change the name to Peggy Sue. Howard said Gary Busey was great as Buddy Holly.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard was going to end the show but Gary said that he has a post script about the piss contest. He said the guys took the diapers back to their office and they've been sitting in there ever since. Howard said they know they can take them to the dumpster. Gary said they're in a big plastic bag. He said the entire place smells like shit back there. Howard said he's had enough. He ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about Rob Zombie and the ''Great American Nightmare'' song. Howard said he has a real man's kind of sound. He said he can picture this playing at a Brett Kavanaugh party where they're boofing and devil's triangling. Howard did his impression of Kavanaugh talking to his friends. He said at least he had friends. Robin said no girls though. Howard said no girls. He said that fucking guy. He said they can't put him on the supreme court or the country is doomed. Robin said they will put him on. She said the train has left the station. She said the FBI is wrapping up their investigation today or they have already.
Howard said he ran into Don Lemon the anchorman at CNN and hopefully Robin's future husband. He said this guy walked up to him in the lobby there and he hates that. He said he has to get out of there. He said this guy walked up to him and introduced himself. He told Don that he's a big fan since Don said he's a big fan. Howard said he gets very nervous when he meets people and they're famous and he doesn't know who they are. He said he's afraid he's insulting them.
Robin said she hates it when people say they have never seen the show. Howard said that's rude. He said people come over and ask for a picture during the middle of a meal. He said he hates that everyone is running around with a camera wanting to take pictures. He said they'll ask to take a picture to send to their brother or something. He said he won't even take a picture with a fan.
Howard said Don seemed like a nice guy. He said they were discussing that Matt Damon bit on Saturday Night Live and then Don Lemon said this. He played a clip of don saying that Howard Stern did a better imitation of Brett Kavanaugh.
Howard said he wishes he'd go out with Robin. He said he's his favorite newscaster. Robin said Rachel Maddow isn't saying anything about him. Howard said what Don just said is that he is a better mimic than Matt Damon is. He said that they should have had that scrawl on the screen saying that Don just determined that Howard Stern's Brett Kavanaugh is much better.
Howard said he was written a note that Don is openly gay. Robin said that's why she hasn't dated him. Howard said he didn't know that. He said he doesn't think that should stop Robin. He said they can go to theater together. Gary said Don is a big fan of Howard's. Howard said it's weird that he can see Gary now. It pops up video of Gary. Howard said his head is bigger than Robin's is. He said they have to work on that.
Howard said he was reading in the paper about a planet they found called Planet X. He said that Rob Zombie was a genius for coming up with that in the song. He said he just said to his wife a few weeks ago that he misses rob and Sheri. He said Beth told him to invite them over. He said they used to live in Connecticut and they would come over more often. He said that Rob owned a farm up there. He said that Rob lives out in L.A. now. He said they lost touch for a while. Robin asked why he can't stay in touch. Howard said it takes so much energy to admit that he misses or needs someone. He said he loves Rob and Sheri.
Howard said he misses Al Franken. He said he had to sit there with those hillbilly assholes and he made them look like idiots. He said that they can't even speak English. Howard said Al may be on that Planet X too.
Howard said Al is gone like they wiped him out. He said the guy is very intellectual and a bright guy. He said the hypocrisy of it all must have gotten to him. Robin said he didn't leave on his own accord. She said he wanted to stay. Howard said it's fucked up.
Howard said he was missing Rob Zombie and he can't admit that he needs you. He said he calls Robin and he had to sit down and remind himself to call her or he'll forget. He said that she's one of the few people that he makes that effort with. He said if something happens to her he's not sure what he'd do. He said he'd be pissed at her.
Howard said he called Robin and said there's something wrong with her and she has to call him back. He said she called and said that she just had people over for the weekend. He said he was interrogating her for like 10 minutes. He said she then answered to his satisfaction and let her go. He said she's very important to him. He said he had this feeling she was keeping something from him.
Howard said he's going to get to cleaning the computer out today after the first break. He said Gary has a clip of a guy who is addicted to drinking hand sanitizer. He said it's really good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the show was so disturbing yesterday. He said that Sal sucking his grandfather's dick was a huge thing. Howard said he didn't suck it. The caller said come on, he had to have. Howard said maybe he's right. He said there must be a bottomless pit of sad stories in Sal's life. He said it's wild. He said everything is fucked up with him.
Robin said that his father was upset he was doing the pee contest. Howard said it's so weird that his grandfather would make him do that. He said if his grandpa wanted him to do that he'd be freaked out. He said his grandfather was really scary.
Howard said his grandpa was called Grandpa Stern. He said that's what he'd call him. He said if his father asked him to go help him out and he asked him to hold his cock that's heavy. Howard asked Sal if he has gone to a psychiatrist. Sal said he has. He said he went to a great one on Park Ave. He said that he was great. Sal said it got too heavy and he bailed. He said this guy told him this stuff was going to hurt and he told him that his father doesn't love him. Howard asked if he has this right. Sal said he does. Howard said maybe he was trying to deprogram him. He said you have to break that shit. Sal said his father loves him. He said the cops had to pull him off of him once though.
Howard said his dad loves hitting him. Sal said that his sister has been going on this DNA thing and finding kids that his dad had. He said his dad must not have worn a rubber. He said he thinks that's his upbringing.
Howard asked how long he went to the psychiatrist for. Sal said it was like 6 visits. Howard asked who he thinks loves him more, his dad or his wife. Sal said it's equal. Howard asked if she loves him. Sal said absolutely. Howard asked why he thinks that. Sal said they have a great history together and they have had ups and downs together. Robin said this sounds like they just started a company together. Sal said the company is fine. He said it's not out of business yet.
Sal said the psychiatrist told him not to pay him. He said he wanted to take a break and it was too heavy for him. He said he was crying over this stuff. He said it all came back to him and it was all heavy. Howard said that's the idea. Sal said he had to take a break and the guy said he would do it for free. Howard said you're messed up when they do that. He said he might be the most fucked up person on the planet. He said they might be afraid he's going to be a serial killer.
Howard said that Sal was like that character that Jodie Foster played where she was feral, Nell. He said the shrink probably thought he could make a movie out of Sal's life. Howard said the guy who treated Nell in that movie was like that. He said he found someone in the jungle who had never been treated by humans. Howard said in Africa there are doctors who go there to cleanse ether godless souls. He said they do plastic surgery and put implants in and then they go there to clear their conscience. He said that's what was probably going on with this shrink. He was using Sal to cleanse himself.
Howard said he has Sal's father on the phone. He said he can ask him if he really loved him or not. Howard took the call from Fake Mr. Governale who said he never loved Sal. Howard asked if he had to go out and make more kids because Sal was so fucked up. Sal's Dad was talking about how he wanted to knock up Robin too. He said that he spread his seed all over. Howard said they do say that's what our purpose is. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that Sal should get back in there with the shrink. Sal said he's good. Howard laughed. Sal said he knows he's a good father. Howard said he doesn't know that. He should go to the shrink and get help for free. Robin said all Sal knows is not to be his own father. She said he doesn't know the whole range of things. Howard said listen to Robin. Robin said you have to be able to see the whole span not just what his father did or didn't do. Howard said Robin wants to help him.
Howard said he has to tell the guy to hypnotize him and get the real story. Fred had played Sal talking about how he was a turtle in a past life. Howard said the shrink has never seen a case like this. Sal said the guy said his head is like Central Station. He said it's going in 20 different directions at once. He said he just said ''What?''
Howard said the shrinks have to keep notes. He made up what this guy was keeping notes on. He had a three book deal about this asshole. Fred was playing a typewriter sound as Howard was making up stuff about Sal in the shrink's notes. He had the guy writing about Sal's hair plugs and the weird things he's done in his life. He had the guy talking about how he had already called Ken Burns to direct. He had stories about Sal grabbing his coworker's cock and things like that. Sal asked him to throw that book away. Howard told him to be quiet. Howard went on and on about the wacky stuff that Sal has done and said on the show. He had the shrink keeping notes about it all. He had the guy talking about Sal talking about levitating above his bed and calling Sal a loser. He said that Sal believes that the Long Island Medium has powers. Sal said this is uncomfortable.
Howard had the shrink talking about Sal diagnosing himself on the internet and things like that. He said he had him saying he needed a ''traction'' instead of a retraction. Howard said the guy offered him free therapy. Sal said he did. Howard had the guy offering him $3,000 an hour to come back. Sal said he's done. He's not going back.
Howard brought up how Sal jerked off in a chat room dressed up like a woman. He wrote that down in the shrink's notebook. He said Sal's whole life is a mess. He laughed. He said this is too much for him. Sal said if he doesn't laugh he's going to cry. Howard said he loves typing on a typewriter. Robin said it's like Larry King.
Howard was still in his shrink voice talking about the crazy stuff Sal has done. He said he's like the Unabomber. He said they've only talked about his father so far and haven't gotten to his mother.
Howard brought up Sal jerking off at work and getting caught. Howard said he has to get a new typewriter because he's worn this one out from writing about Sal. Howard said Sal wrote an app to find rub and tug parlors. He put that in the notes. He said he has carpel tunnel from typing about Sal for the past 3 weeks. He had the shrink talking about how much his wrists hurt from that.
Howard said that's going to be some movie. Sal said they should take a break. Howard said he can go take a break.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who is a better case study Sal, Ronnie or Memet. Howard said Ronnie. He said he's so out of it. The caller said he could open up his own psychiatric hospital if he ever gets tired of donating to the North Shore Animal League. Howard said he can have Ronnie run it with Stephanie. He said they'll hire a Harvard medical doctor and they'll be his boss.
Gary said Sal came in there about something else today. Sal said he can save it. Howard asked what it was. Sal said his sister found another family that's related. He said they have that family reunion coming up soon. He said his father may not even know about some of these people. He said they're all over the place. He said his great grandfather murdered his great grandmother. He said he found out through that family. Howard asked if he's really a great grandfather. Sal said the guy took off to Italy after that. Howard said that's what you do apparently. Sal said he has murderers and whack balls in his family. He said stay away from those DNA tests.
Howard asked if his mother cares about all of this. Sal said she was just focused on keeping them together. Howard asked what he means about having a family reunion. Sal said he has enough trouble with his own family. He said his sister wants to meet them. He said he's not sure what's up with that. Sal said he's not going to go. He said his father and sister are going. He said he's trying to shave down the people in his life. He said he doesn't want more.
Howard said his father told his grandson that he would kill someone for him because he loves him so much. Sal said he told his son that his grandpa is nuts. He said his dad used to say he would kill him. Howard got a laugh out of that. Sal said he was told if he was ever caught smoking he would kill him. He said that he said he'd do that to save his life. He said he'd get 7 years in prison for that but he'd know that he saved his life by killing him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Sal is a treasure chest. He said he brought up that playing with himself at work thing and Sal said he did the right thing by locking the door. Sal said it was after hours. Howard asked how they got in. Sal said the janitor had the key. Howard asked who would think someone would have a key at work. The caller said keep doing the right thing Sal.
Howard said it's no wonder he's so fucked up. He said he can't believe he stopped going to the psychiatrist for free. Sal said his father got them out of the neighborhood when a black family moved in. He said his father put up a for sale sign immediately. Howard said people did that in his neighborhood too. Sal said he would tell the real estate agent to come at night so they wouldn't see the black family. Howard said that the families in his neighborhood would threaten people to not sell to black families.
Sal said that they had just moved into this neighborhood like 2 months before. He said that they moved to Seldon and 2 months later a black family moved in right next door. He said his father went right to the hardware store and started hammering in the sign as they were moving in. He said then he called a real estate agent. Sal said then he went to school and they called him to the office. He said that his father was moving him out. He said they found a new house to move into and it was a rental in Centereach. He said that his room was designed for an infant. He said he moved into that zoo room after that.
Sal said his father was talking to the principal and saying that he had no problem with these people but when you're at a barbecue it's like being at the zoo. He said the principal looked at him and said ''best of luck'' to him. He said that was it. Howard asked if he ever told the shrink about changing his name to Tony because his father made him do that. Sal said he's not sure if he brought that up.
Howard said his mom refused to move when the black people moved in. He said that Sal's dad was the opposite of that. Howard said his father said it was because of him that they had to move. He said that he's sorry dude but he was getting beaten.
Howard said his parents went looking for houses and they realized that they had to get him out because of racial tensions. He said he couldn't wait to hear about the new house. He said that he thought about all of the all white areas they could move. Then his mother came home and said they saw some houses in some good neighborhoods. He asked where and she said Freeport. He said that was a black community just like Roosevelt. He said that she didn't know how to pick a neighborhood. He said they moved to Baldwin. He said they used to call that area Baldwin Africa. He said his mother said they don't beat up white people there. He said he wasn't sure what to do. He said he mentioned every white place they could move. He said he mentioned Merrick and some other areas. He said his parents blamed him for all of this.
Howard said his parents fond a house in Rockville Center. He just asked if there were white people there. He said they found a house for $50,000. He said his dad said it was the only house on the block with a two car garage. He said his mom liked the TV room. He said he was in after that. He said it was white people and a TV room. He said 3 weeks earlier he had been choked out by a black kid named Irvan. He said they had to lock up and chain the bathrooms at Roosevelt. He said that it was all gangs and shit.
Howard said he went to Rockville Center and it turns out it was the center of Anti-Semitism. He said that if you were Jewish you couldn't join the golf club there. He said that's what they said anyway.
Howard said that his mom was afraid of that anti-Semitism too. He said that she had a favorite ice cream scoop that was made in Germany and she ended up throwing it out. He said he took plenty of quaaludes when he was in high school. He said he had to take them to pass out.
Howard said he has Sal's shrink on the phone. He took the call and the guy said please come back. He said all of his patients are shit.
Sal said he didn't even tell Howard about how the FBI came in and held guns on all of them. He said his sister was 12 years old. He said the FBI came in swarming them. He said his dad was doing some deal with a guy who did counterfeiting. He said his sister froze when they came in. He said she had a piece of pizza on a spatula.
Sal said they eventually moved to Holbrook. He said there was no mix of people there. He said then his dad moved them to Italy. He said as soon as he graduated High School they moved to Italy. He said that was total culture shock. Sal said he had to come home alone. He said he was 18 and he had to make a living so he came home. He said his father blames him for the family coming back.
Howard said his head is exploding from all of this Sal stuff. He told Sal to go blow his grandfather. Sal said fuck you. Howard said he didn't want to get into all of this stuff. He said he just wanted to talk about his grandfather. Howard asked him not to jerk off in his office back there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he anted to thank them for what they have done over the years. He sake if Richard and Sal can get into the radio hall of fame after yesterday's show. Howard said he went in and looked at them after the show. He said Sal thought it was funny when he threw powder in Richard's face. He said he thanked them for their service. He said that they're willing to be naked.
The caller said he loves his job as a teacher but he's never be able to do that stuff. Howard said he wonders if Richard went home thinking about Sal cleaning his asshole and all of that. He said he cleaned the doody out of his ass.
The caller said that free therapy thing is a great story. He said he has to get to work. Howard let that guy go. Howard said everyone loved the diaper contest.
Howard took a call from a woman who was telling everyone how much she loves them. She said they all rock. Howard thanked her for that. Howard said she could have stopped with him and moved on. He said he hangs up if they compliment Fred. He said it's enough.
Howard said he thinks his Kavanaugh is pretty good. He did some of that impression. Howard said it dawned on him that during the hearings Kavanaugh is like John McEnroe when he gets upset. Robin said that's not the same voice. Howard did his impression of Kavanaugh again and it sounded like Kermit the Frog.
Howard played that Don Lemon clip again where he said Howard Stern did a better imitation of Kavanaugh.
Howard said he wouldn't go on Saturday Night Live. He said he's too uptight. He said he'd want that sketch to be hilarious. Robin said it was hilarious. Howard said he would have done more with the facial ticks. He said he would have moved his nose up and down more. He said he would have referenced the show Bewitched.
Howard said only Don Lemon has noticed his impressions. He said that he's never gotten that before. Howard said he would have snorted his whole calendar in that sketch. He would have sniffed it. He said that's a real tell. Robin said there's no notation for an assault in that calendar. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said they're all going to be watching that show on Amazon. He said they love it. He said he likes the writer named Mike Rodick.
Howard said they have the staff panel in the studio. He said they want to make sure you get the best material here. He said he can get distracted easily so they are going to help him get to the stuff he doesn't get to.
JD said Ronnie is in a mood today. Howard said he has been for the past two days. Howard asked what's wrong with him. Ronnie said nothing is wrong. Jason said there is something going on. Gary said he got the other guy. He said Ronnie asked why the fuck he was sitting next to him. Howard asked what's going on. Ronnie said that he usually sits next to Jason. Jason said that Ronnie won't look at or talk to him ever since that tweet fiasco. Ronnie said he talks to him when he has to.
Howard said Ronnie is the one who did the wrong thing with that tweet. Ronnie said he did it on purpose.
Howard asked if Jason should be afraid to walk the halls there. Ronnie said not at all. He said Jason has these new shoes and he walks really heavy. Jason said he's had those shoes for 4 months. He said that they're not new. Ronnie said they're really noisy even on the carpet. He said go out there and listen to him. Jason said he weighs 300 pounds. He said that's why they're noisy.
Ronnie said that Jason thinks he knows everything about him but he knows nothing about him. Howard asked if he's paranoid. Ronnie said he's not. He said he's not angry either. He said he can tell when Robin is angry and she shows it in her eyes. Jason said Ronnie doesn't look happy.
Howard asked if he's obsessed with shoes. Ronnie said he's not. Brent said he does mention shoes a lot. Ronnie asked what he's talking about. Howard asked why he would mention shoes. He said he seems to do that. Ronnie said that's not something he does.
Jason asked what color Gary's shoes are. Ronnie said they're blue. Robin said this is a new talent they didn't know about. Ronnie said Brent wears like 20 different pair of sneakers. Howard said he's never seen Fred's shoes. Ronnie said Richard wears the same stuff to work every day so you don't have to worry.
Howard asked Richard if he took a shower after work yesterday. Richard said he did but not until 8 last night. He said he has responsibilities. Gary asked if he exercised yesterday. Richard said he didn't. He said every time he pissed a cloud of baby powder would come out of his underpants.
Howard said he should take a break and then get to everyone. Ronnie that JD has collapsed arches. JD said he has no idea what that is. Ronnie said he walks with is feet turned in. Howard said he has to handle this stuff. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if he's ever noticed that Fred never gets anyone a wedding gift. He said he said that he didn't get JD anything yet. Howard said Fred is building him a barn from scratch. He asked Fred if he wants to reference this. Fred said he has a year to do that. He said he will get some money or something. He said he's going to get retribution or something. Jim said he did the same thing with Will and Jason. Fred asked if Jim is keeping track. Jason said he knows Fred didn't give him a gift around his wedding. He said he can't remember if he gave him anything. Fred said he did. He said he's just bad at giving gifts. Gary said he wasn't even invited to JD's wedding. JD said he's not expecting anything from anyone. Howard said shut up. He said of course he's expecting it. Jason said he was on the air whining about how much he had to pay for that wedding. Howard said he was saying he can't sleep because of it. JD said he never said that. JD said he's doing fine. Howard said he thinks he's in financial trouble. JD said he's fine. They played a song parody about JD needing speech classes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's proud of him following through with that contest yesterday. Howard said they have to remind people that Richard shit his diaper yesterday. He asked Richard to just admit he did it on purpose. He said that he's safe if he says he did it. He said he won't fire him or anything. Howard said he feels that you know when you shit your pants when you fart. He said he knows if shit comes out. He said he believes that Richard let it happen. Richard said he swears that he didn't mean to do it. He said that he didn't mean to shit. Howard did his Brett Kavanaugh impression like he was denying it like Richard.
Howard asked how that's possible that he didn't know he shit his pants. Gary said that he gets it if you don't realize it immediately. He said that he had to know when he was walking. Richard said he had pee in that diaper. He said it was sloshy in here. Jason said he has never been at the urinal and shit himself. He said you know something happened.
Richard said that they were asking why his asshole is so loose. He said he's never taken anything in there. He said he thinks the way he wipes is what causes it. He said he shoves his finger up there to clean it out. Chris said that he must fist himself to clean himself out.
The caller said Richard did say ''Whoops.'' Richard said he thought there might be a pebble or something but not what came out.
Howard read through some email about Richard and Sal's heaviest diaper contest. People wrote in about how great it was and how it'll be his legacy. Howard said that's just what he wants to be known for. Howard read an email about how the person was gagging listening to it but it was compelling.
Howard asked if they put it up on the app. The guys said they think so. Richard said he's not sure if they can show the poop or not. Howard said it's not that they can't but they won't. Howard said he didn't look at it. Robin said she saw it in the diaper. Robin said he picked it up and showed the diaper. Jason said they have it up on the app.
Howard read an email about Sal trying to say fraternizing and not getting it out. Fred played the drop of Sal doing that. Howard said he's not sure why he'd use that word if he doesn't know how to say it.
Howard read more email about the contest and had a bunch of positive stuff and one guy saying that he didn't like it and get it off the air. Howard said that's unusual. Howard said that people wanted to see it live instead of on a replay. Howard said someone liked Fred's line ''I'm Pea Biscuit.'' He said that went on and on. He said someone said they want to hear more about Sal's fucked up family. He said it's his job to make sure they don't get too much of that.
Howard read about Richard's parents and all of the stories they heard from Richard and his family. Howard said people love his family.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she saw that bit on the app and she was dying. Howard hung up on her saying he can't take it.
Howard said someone called Ronnie a liar about the tweet he retweeted. Howard said someone said that he had to have read the whole tweet and he just loves positive stuff about himself.
Howard said someone saw Robin on the app and hadn't seen her since the E! show days. They thought she looked great.
Howard said someone wrote in about the Tan Mom song. Fred played it and Howard said that it sounds like that song from that movie Night at the Roxbury. He said that's what the song is.
Howard said someone wrote in saying there's too much Sal on the show. That was from Sal's dad. Howard let the Tan Mom song play and matched it up to that song ''What is Love.'' Fred was mixing the two together. Howard said Fred is very talented at nonsense.
Howard said someone wrote in about how he was ripping Brett Kavanaugh about not being able to get laid at Yale. He said that people go there to get their MRS degree. He said they all run over there to find a husband. Robin said maybe he loved beer more than anything. Howard said maybe they saw that twitchy mother fucker and didn't want anything to do with him. Howard said he has that tick and it's what his mom used to call ''Making Minice.'' He said if he had done an FBI check there would be something to that. He said he had to have been able to get laid at Yale. He said anyone can get laid if they go to Yale.
Howard said he got some email about the Prince Batman album he was playing. He said that he knows what he's talking about. He said people aren't happy about his family putting his songs into commercials though. Robin said he hated people covering his songs. Gary said a lot of people covered his songs. Robin said Prince hated it. She said he was asked what he thought about that and he hated it.
Howard got an email from someone asking what to give at a Bat Mitzvah. Howard said this is a new thing. He said that the Bat Mitzvah is a new thing they started doing with girls because the boys were getting a Bar Mitzvah. He said this happened in the 60s when people got into Women's Lib and all of that. Robin said it's all made up so why not start something new. Howard said you won't get an argument from him. He said he prays to a rock. Brent said at least a rock is a real thing.
Howard said he got some mail about Robin putting down Dr. Drew. Robin said she was just joking. Gary asked if Robin is going to go to lunch with Drew when he's up there in a few weeks. Robin said she didn't know he was coming. Ronnie said she's not going to go. Howard said Ronnie is so angry. Ronnie said he is not. Howard said he seems to think he's the angriest guy in the world. Some of the guys agreed. Ronnie said he's really not. He said he's just angry in general. Howard asked if life dealt him a shit hand. Ronnie said no. He said he's perfectly fine.
Howard asked if Ronnie ever talks about his parents in therapy. Ronnie said he has and he's way past that. He said he didn't have any problems in his childhood as far as he's concerned. Everyone laughed at that. Howard said they should clean out the computer.
Howard said that Ronnie has a sex tip they never got to. Ronnie complained about JD waiting in the hall to see his reaction when they talk about him. He said it gets him so angry. He said it's really annoying. He said he did this cock ring thing for the smallest cock. Howard played the sex tip where Ronnie gave a tip on how to make your own cock ring. He said buy a box of fruit loops and put your cock in there and then stick it in your woman's pussy and then have her eat it. Howard said ''Oh my god.'' Ronnie said that's a great breakfast.
Howard said Ronnie recorded that sex tip and he has the recording of him laughing at his own sex tip. Ronnie said he was laughing about Calamari and he was laughing really hard. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was cracking up reading the lines. Howard said he's not sure whose dick fits into a Cheerio or something like that. Ronnie said that was for guys who have small dicks. He said this was before he got to the good ones.
Howard said he has a list of the 5 things that piss Ronnie off. He played that bit where Ronnie complained about people who break your balls constantly. Ronnie said they expect you to know about stuff that you don't know about. Howard said this must be about him and Robin. Ronnie said he can name like 30 people there who do that.
Howard said Ronnie apparently doesn't break balls. Ronnie said he does. He said he breaks balls but he's joking. He said he's talking about people who are being serious. He said he's joking around. Howard said when he does it it's joking around but other people are busting balls. Ronnie said you can tell when someone is doing it to break balls. Robin said you can see it in their eyes. Ronnie said she's got that right. Howard played more of Ronnie complaining about people and things they do. He was complaining about drivers, pedestrians and homeless people. He complained about people who rush to get on the airplane for no good reason. Howard said Gary says it's all about the overhead baggage. Gary said they take your bag and you have to check it if someone puts their bag in your area.
Howard played a clip of this guy's mom talking about him drinking the hand sanitizer. Howard said there is so much alcohol in it. He said that it must be a money thing. He said alcohol is out there but he must drink it because it's cheaper. Gary said he explains it later.
Howard played more of the clip and the guy was talking about how it's like a dollar 39 for 3 shots of this stuff. Jason said a bottle of vodka isn't that expensive. Gary said he can probably go to an office and get the hand sanitizer for free off a desk. Howard said he went to a hospital and they have the stuff hanging everywhere like a bar.
Robin said she has a friend who works in the rehab section and they can't fill those things because people would be drinking it.
Brent said he once drank a bottle of Scope in Saudi Arabia. He said he threw up green. He said he got drunk from it.
Howard said Kitty Dukakis was drinking perfume. Robin said they do that because they have given up alcohol and this stuff is very high in alcohol content. Howard said Mike Tyson explained it best on the show. He said it's like when you're hungry and you can't get food. He said that's what it's like for alcohol for an alcoholic.
Howard played another clip of this guy Josh talking about how his personality has changed since he started drinking this stuff. His family said he gets violent and angry when he drinks. Josh said he doesn't want to be a complete jerk. He said he's trying to get past that point and not turn into a jerk. Gary said now his mother has gone to his mattress to take the bottles away and he's super angry.
Howard said the mother should throw him out of the house. He played the clip of Josh yelling at his mom about where his drink is. He was yelling at her asking where it is. The Mom said she has no idea. Josh was cursing and screaming asking where it was. Howard said she must be really happy she had a kid now.
Howard said he thinks he'd rather have a serial killer than this. He said they can be pleasant. He said they're quiet at least.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he works as a medic there in the city and they pick up people who do this kind of thing. He said they drink that stuff down in the bathrooms. He said they get a $2,300 ride to the hospital to drink that stuff down. Howard said he's really depressed about the world they live in now. Robin said she is too. Howard said things are so awful. Brent said technology has neutralized evolution. Howard said look at you. Brent said that most of these people would have died if they didn't have the technology to stop them from dying from this stuff.
The caller said that they have middle class American people who are trying to duck out and get their thing. He said they're down on their luck.
Howard said his mom was saying that he always had to be perfect at what he did. He said maybe he always has been. He said he finds a passion in life and follows it. Gary said this guy has a passion for those bottles and it could be used for something good. Robin said he has that passion because of his addiction.
Jason said this guy had a 6 figure salary at 21. Then he had back surgery and got hooked on pain medication. Howard said the opioid addiction thing in this country is really bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a cop in Toronto and a lot of guys drink Listerine. He said he has had guys who drink rubbing alcohol mixed with lemon juice. Robin said that can kill you. Howard asked what happened in their life to make them do that. He said you have to be fucked up.
Howard took a call from a woman who said please don't stop Sal from saying words that he doesn't know. She said you can feel him trying to work through them. Howard said he won't stop him. He said he has instructed everyone not to tell Sal what the word is. He said they should have Sal come in and try to read a list of hard words. Gary said they're working on that.
Richard said he tried getting in touch with one of Sal's old teachers and they didn't get back to him. Howard said don't worry, there's no danger of that.
Howard said they should do a bit where they try to get Sal to say words that are tough. He said that he was unable to say fraternization. He had trouble with prevalent.
Ronnie coughed so Howard said he's got to be sick. Ronnie said he has allergies. He insisted he's not sick.
Howard said Sal doesn't know much of anything. He asked if he's worse at history or words. Sal said history is tough for him. He said there are a few words that he doesn't know. Fred kept playing the drop of him trying to say fraternization. Howard said Sal is really bad at geography. He said he didn't know Africa or something. Gary asked if he knows where Madagascar is. Sal said it's in Asia. Gary said he thought it was in Africa.
Howard said Sal thought there were 3 oceans. Sal said there are. He mentioned 3. Then he threw out one more. Howard said there are 7. He said there's even a song about it. Gary asked if he knows the continents. Sal said there are 7. He rattled off a bunch. He said one of them was Spain. Howard said that wasn't bad. He said he is learning.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she figured out why Ronnie is so upset. She said over the past few months he was attacking people in the office. Then he was going after Robin. Howard said Ronnie is angry at women. The caller said that he's been going off on Howard lately. She thinks that his niche has been taken over by Brent's wife and things like that. Howard thanked her for that. Ronnie said he hopes she crashes.
Howard said he might have to take a break. He said Richard is up next. Richard said Comic-Con is coming up this weekend so he has some Comic-Con clips to play. Howard said they'll hear that next. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to tell Gary that he has his Prince facts wrong. He said Gary said Prince hated the songs that were covered. He started to explain what he was talking about and Howard hung up saying he doesn't care. Howard said that guy has a brain like Sal's going in 20 directions.
Howard mentioned the Beetle's Channel that they're going to have all next week on Sternthology. He said that he's the greatest Wack Packer. Richard said he saw video of Beetlejuice out in a store and he has a grey beard now. He said it's really cute. Howard said he didn't see that beard. Richard said you only see it for a second. Howard asked if he looks like Sebastian Cabot. No one knew who that was. Richard said it's pretty big. He said it takes up most of his face. Howard said the Beetle's Channel will be on next week.
Howard asked Richard what he has for him. Richard said in 2014 he and Sal went to Comic-Con and interviewed people. He said that Howard never got to it. He said better late than never. Howard said he has a computer that's balls deep in material.
Howard said Richard and Sal went to both New York and San Diego Comic-Con. Richard said this first one is a guy in costume as a character named Spartan from Halo. Howard played the clip and you can't hear much of what the muffled voice was saying. The guy said that guys think there's a girl in there and he tries to make things less awkward by not saying he's a guy. Howard said most people in costume are dudes. Richard said there are a lot of women. He said it's like half and half.
Howard said it's nerds in masks. Chris asked if Howard would rather have a kid who drinks hand sanitizer or a kid who goes to conventions. Howard said he doesn't know. He said if you have one that does both you're really fucked.
Richard said they found a guy who was there just to look at women. Howard played a clip of that guy talking about super heroes and saying he was there to look at tits and ass. Howard said he may not be on the Supreme Court either.
Howard said that was before the #MeToo thing. He said Comic-Con is a weird concept for him. Robin said they should use it to round people up.
Howard asked what they have next. Richard said they have a Brony. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about being a proud Brony and talking about crying over My Little Pony episodes. The guy was talking in a high voice. Howard said there are so many weirdos. Richard said he loves that guy. Howard said the way he looks at life there are so many things that you can be accomplished at. He said you can attempt it at least. He said this guy is crying over My Little Pony. Brent said it's a little girl's show. Chris said not anymore.
Richard said he went to meet people from Dukes of Hazard so he's weird too. Gary said Richard has met porn stars too. Richard said he met Jenna Jameson around 1997. He said he met Ron Jeremy and others too. Howard said he should have been rounded up too. Richard said he got some stuff Peter North was selling to make his load bigger. He said that he thinks it worked. He said he shot himself in the face. He said he didn't know why he was doing it. He said his wife doesn't care about that stuff.
Howard asked where he finishes with his wife. Richard said they have a son. He said he finishes wherever. He said her mom listens so he doesn't want to say. Ronnie said he had Sal wiping his ass yesterday. He said it's nature so just talk about it. Howard said he wants to know why he'd get something to make his load bigger. Richard said he doesn't remember the name of the stuff. He said it's been 21 years. Howard asked how many people could have seen that stuff and wanted to buy it. He asked who went out and bought it. He said he probably sold one can of that shit. Gary said you don't even know if it's real or not. Richard said it's real. He said this was before they had computers to make it look like more.
Howard asked if Peter North had an exhibit. Richard said they had cans of the stuff there. He said he didn't see other people buying it. Howard asked what it cost. Richard said it was probably like 20 bucks. He said it was a pill or something. He said he thinks that's what it was. Richard said he heard that you can get that from eating celery so that might be what it was made of. He said that it made a difference right away. Robin said that's crazy. Chris said that makes no sense.
Richard said he gets off on that stuff. He said he likes to finish to guys finishing. Howard said that's what he tries to avoid. Howard asked if Richard worried about taking that stuff not knowing what it was. Richard said no. He said he was living in a storage unit at the time. He didn't think about that. Howard said imagine a girl meets him and finds out he's buying that stuff. Brent said he was living in a storage unit and buying that stuff instead of spending money on some place to live.
Gary said he's on the Peter North web site and they say that this stuff hasn't been tested by the FDA. Richard said he'll take them again and show how big his loads are. Howard said they can't do that in the studio. Gary asked if he would cum on Sal's back. Richard said he'd do that. Sal said he likes how he gets put into this like that. Howard said he's a big dummy so they use him.
Howard said Sal held his grandfather's cock. Sal said he didn't jerk him off though. Robin said it's easy to have a man pee and not touch his penis.
Howard said here's the bit. He said Richard takes the pills and Sal is in the doggy position. Gary said they do it one time before he takes the pills. Then he takes the pills and they see the size of that load. Howard said they can paint a bullseye on Sal's back. Richard said he doesn't think that he could finish looking at Sal's back. Howard said they can weigh his loads after that. Sal said then they can light him on fire and throw him off a roof.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Peter North thing and said he did gay porn. He said he's seen the clips. Richard said he refuses to believe it. Richard said a lot of people have tried to say that and he refuses to believe it. Chris asked why it matters. The caller said Richard is into Peter North and he's doing gay porn. Gary said he put that in the computer and the first thing is a Peter North taking dick clip. Richard said he doesn't believe it. Gary showed Richard the clip and Richard said ''Uh oh.'' Howard said they should call for an FBI investigation into that.
Howard played another clip from Comic-Con where a guy was commenting on Jewish and Black super heroes and saying racist stuff. Howard said he thought people were peaceful and loving at Comic-Con.
Jason said a lot of people there are angry at women and minorities. He said people are freaking out over that stuff.
Howard said he remembers people freaking out about the black Green Lantern. Jason said that there's a black Captain America and people hate that.
Howard asked about this Peter North self facial. Richard said that sounds cool. He said he's not sure what that is. Howard said awesome. He said it's odd that he talks more about Peter North than Jenna Jameson. Richard said he had been a fan of his for years.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in from Utah. Howard said he thinks it would be a nice place to live. Brent asked if he wants to live where it's run by Mormons. The caller said it's not anymore. He said it's like 60 percent ''normal'' people now. Brent said that the politicians there are Mormons. He said they have restrictions on alcohol and stuff. The caller said they might get weed there and the alcohol restrictions aren't that bad. That led to the guys talking about weed and how it's getting legalized all over the place. Howard said that's one thing that they don't have there in New York. Howard said Utah seems like it would be really nice. He said it's probably cheap too. The caller said that there's a lot of open space out there. The caller said he can see Howard riding horses out there. Howard said he doesn't think they like it when you ride them. Robin said her horse loved her. She said that Blaze was great and she kept moving it further and further away from the city.
Howard asked the caller what else he has to say. The caller said Ronnie is a man's man and he has to stop busting his balls. Robin said say something bad about Howard now. The caller said that Howard is the best. Howard said he's not busting Ronnie's balls. The caller said he should bust Benjy's balls instead. Howard said he's the manliest man there. He said he's not sure what this guy is talking about.
Howard said he'll see this guy in Utah. The caller told him to fire Benjy. Sal said that a friend of his moved to Utah and the majority of people out there are Mormon. He said he went to join a Jewish club and there were only 2 people there. He said that's it.
Howard said he has to get to news unless he has more clips. Richard said that there's a legendary wrestler who is really into Robin. He said it was Sgt. Slaughter. He had a clip of the guy talking about sending out hugs and kisses to Robin. He said he'd like to give her some orders.
Howard asked how old he is now. Richard said he has to be in his 70s maybe. Ronnie said that was in 2014.
Howard asked JD what he had. JD said he had some stuff from a pre-show before the red carpet show on E!. He said it's a huge waste of time and ridiculous. Howard said he has to hear that. He played a clip and the on air personalities were all just talking about nonsense. Howard said he'd rather be dead than be part of that. He said they all talk over each other. Robin said they're saying nothing so they might as well.
Richard said he has to give JD credit for sitting through a lot of this kind of stuff. Howard said this guy was talking about closets and stuff. He said he just wants him to talk. JD said he got very excited about the Met Gala. He said he thinks his name is Brad Gresky or something. Howard played another clip where they were talking about Keri Russell and her hair.
JD said they like Millie Bobby Brown too. Howard played a clip of them talking about Millie. Howard said they can't say she's an icon. She's only 14. Howard goofed on the hosts of that show for what they were talking about. They mentioned that Millie is going to be in Godzilla. Howard said he loved those old movies. Richard said George Takei used to do a lot of those voices in the dubs. Howard said he is a Millie Bobby Brown fan. He said he likes watching her outfits and stuff.
Howard wondered what Millie was going to do in the movie. Richard said she might be a researcher or something. Howard said she's 14. He said it would be funny if she got eaten in the first scene. He said that would be unexpected.
Howard goofed on the E! hosts about the way they were talking about Millie Bobby Brown. Gary said that show is on like 4-5 hours before the Emmys. JD said that the Oscars is the worst because they start it around noon or 1 o'clock.
Howard did his impression of those hosts talking about Millie. He said it would be great if she grows up and replaces everyone on E!.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's checking his watch. He said he must be bored. Ronnie said he just moved his hand. Howard said it must be getting boring so he should wrap up. Howard asked Ronnie who his favorite TV star is. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard and the guys were asking about shows that he has seen. They went back to the 70s. Ronnie liked a bunch of those shows. He said he loved Amos & Andy. Howard said he doesn't remember that much about that show. Ronnie was naming characters on the show. Howard said they took it off the air because it was racist. Ronnie said it was on the air for years though. He said he had it on VHS. He said someone gave it to them.
Jason said he just Googled Amos & Andy and just a picture of it is racist. Howard said Ronnie cried over Grey's Anatomy. Ronnie said he didn't. Howard said he heard he did. Ronnie said he doesn't remember.
Howard said they could have gotten through a lot more. He asked Jason and Brent what they had. They rattled off what they had but Howard said they can get to it another time. He said Chris looks like he's about to cry. Chris said he's fine. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Robin started her news with a story about how there's going to be a test of the wireless emergency alert system today at 2:18 eastern time. Robin said people will get a loud tone and a vibration. Robin said that there's a lawsuit saying that this can be used for propaganda so New York state is suing over it.
Robin read a story about a man who lost limbs and part of his face from a dog lick. Robin said he got an infection from the lick and this bacteria is in dogs and cats. Howard said don't tell him that stuff. He said just spare him because he has a house full of like 3000 cats. Robin said he didn't have any open wounds so they're not sure how this guy got it.
Robin read a story about Los Angeles having a celebrity burglary ring. Robin said the burglars are targeting celebrities out there. Robin had some audio of a cop out there talking about what these burglars do. They think they're following their social media posts. Robin said they arrested some of the suspects.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he was wondering if he would still be doing radio if he was still on K-Rock. Howard said no. He said the stations are all in the toilet now. He said that they have gone out of business or changed format. He said when he was a young man he wanted to be on rock stations. He said it was cool back then to be in radio. He said he has friends who don't know what to do with their shows. He said all of the great legendary stations are gone. Balls asked if they still makes offers to him to get him to come back. Howard said they know they can't get him back. Howard asked if WCCC is still around. Fred said they're a Christian station now. Howard said it used to be cool to be on a rock station. He said they're all going away. Howard said he doesn't know what it's going to be. He said he was reading about what used to be WBCN up in Boston. He said they're gone. He said it's horrible. Robin said everything has changed. She said there was a moment. Howard said he loves it up there. He said he had guys pissing in diapers up there. He said if he did that at the regular radio station they wouldn't have let him do it.
Robin read a story about a rise in selfie related deaths. Robin said there may be no-selfie zones because of this. Robin said there were 259 selfie related deaths from 2011 to 2017. Robin read about a teen who died taking a selfie in a national park. Howard said he heard about a guy hitting a runner while trying to take a selfie on his bike. Howard said Benjy is constantly doing stuff on Periscope. He said he flipped over on his bike. He hasn't hit anyone yet but he will. Robin said just get a drone and video yourself with the drone. Howard said you look like a douche bag taking selfies.
Robin read about how this is the anniversary of Mean Girls. Robin said Lindsay Lohan was in that movie and she's out doing her own show. She recently posted a video where she tried to take some kids away from their family and she ended up getting punched. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. Lohan was offering to take them to a hotel room and then saying they were trafficking children. She told them not to fuck with her but they ended up punching her. Howard did his impression of Lohan's weird accent as she was trying to take the kids. Howard said she's a piece of work.
Robin read a story about how the President instructed his son Eric and his attorney to block Stormy Daniels from speaking. Howard said he must have been embarrassed. Robin said that Stormy's book came out earlier this week too. She said that she talks about her affair with the President in that book.
Robin read a story about a New York Times story about Trump making money with tax schemes and they are looking into that in New York state. Howard said he never should have run for president. He said he told him he had a great life and now this is happening. Robin said his attorney is saying that these claims are false. Robin said Trump claims that he took a $1 million loan and turned it into billions. Robin said this article claims that he got most of his fortune from his family. Robin said they claim that he was making $200,000 a year as a 3 year old. By the age of 8 he was a millionaire. Robin said that they also say that Fred Trump would jack up the prices of rent for low income families and veterans. Howard said he warned Donald not to run for president. He said he knew this was going to happen. He warned him.
Robin read a story about Trump still backing Kavanaugh. She had some audio from a rally Trump did in Mississippi where he was trashing Dr. Ford. Robin said on September 28th Trump said that Ford was a very credible witness. Now he's mocking Dr. Ford. Robin had Howard play some of those clips. Howard said he's not sure why guys think that these women can't remember every detail of what happened but they remember the attack. Robin spent a minute talking about how Trump is mocking women who come forward with sexual assault claims and there were women there cheering. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about how Trump is saying that we're living in a time when you're guilty until proven innocent. He said it's a difficult time for young men in this country. Robin had audio of Trump talking about that. Howard said he's not sure why they do this in front of a helicopter. Robin said that's where he stopped to talk. Robin said he was saying it's a tough time for young men. Robin said that there are only 2-8 percent of false claims in sexual assault cases. Robin said the President's son also makes the same claims that his father does. She had some audio for Howard to play. Howard said he likes that he has his own music playing in that. There was background music from the clip she had pulled. Howard said he walks around with the Tan Mom theme song playing behind him. Howard said if he were president he would never talk in front of a helicopter.
Robin read a story about a FOX News reporter who was fired for calling some women making sexual assault claims ''lying skanks.'' Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin said that this guy was fired and he went to the Joe Piscopo radio show. Robin said this guy Kevin Jackson said that men like Bill Cosby are being ruined by women. Kevin said we're watching men being ruined over this. Howard asked what's going on with Joe agreeing with the guy. Robin said he's not saying a word. Howard said this guy Kevin Jackson must be confused. He said he called this woman a lying skank and gets fired. Robin had more of Kevin talking to Joe and all Joe was doing was saying ''yeah, yeah, yeah...'' Howard said that guy doesn't know anything and he's calling them lying skanks. He said he has a new favorite show. He said the Joe Piscopo radio show. He said all he's saying is ''Yeah'' and ''whoa.''
Robin read a story about how the Brett Kavanaugh probe is just about over. Robin said they're going to have a confirmation hearing this week for Kavanaugh.
Robin read about how the President is out at rallies to campaign for the mid terms. Robin read about what the polls are saying. Robin said that they say that the democrats lead has been cut in half since the last survey. Robin said get out there and vote because your votes do count.
Robin read a story about a man who lost a finger when he got bitten in a behind the scenes tour at a zoo. Robin said the rhino he was feeding bit off his finger. Robin said she's not sure if they found the finger. She said they haven't taken action on the rhino.
Robin read a story about an NFL player who made a crude gesture at a game by wiping his ass with the ball. Robin said he has been fined $13,369 for that. Robin said that Dude Wipes is looking for him to endorse their product.
Robin read a story about how the Yankees are in a wild card game tonight. Robin said they could get into the playoffs if they win. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.