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Howard started the show doing his Goldust impression clearing his throat. Howard said Robin doesn't say that ''Puh-lease'' thing anymore. He said she used to get fed up and say that. He said now she gets fed up and says ''Again...'' Robin said he's just irritated. Howard said she will say that even if they haven't started talking about something.
Howard said they have a lot to get to today but he has to remind everyone that they have Cocktober coming up right around the corner. He said that will be all day every day. He played a song parody for the month of Cocktober. Howard said they have not canceled Cocktober even though people are wondering. He played a fake Arnold Schwarzenegger intro for Cocktober too.
Howard said it's going to be every day of the month. Robin said this is something he has coined.
Howard said the whole world is changing. He said Rolling Stone magazine is being sold. He said he got a copy of the last Village Voice newspaper too. Howard said they made a lot of money doing ads but he thinks the internet did away with that. He said they used to have apartment ads in there and it was a big thing. He said apartments are hard to come by there in the city and they were known for that. He said they had classifieds for sex stuff too. Howard said there were missed connections and things like that in there too. Robin said they had weighty stories about politics and stuff and movie reviews too.
Howard said the Village Voice is done. He said he wonders if they owned the building they were leasing. He said there must not be any income from ending it. He said they printed for 62 years. Howard said the building must be worth a fortune. Howard asked if Robin knows if they rented. Robin didn't know.
Howard played a Cocktober song parody that Little Mikey did. Howard said not everyone is prepared for that. He said some people want to be woken up after Cocktober ends.
Howard said that there's a song that some are saying was ripped off of the ''I'm too Sexy'' song. Howard said there's something about it and Taylor Swift's new song. Howard had Fred look it up and play her song. Howard said she gave Right Said Fred a writing credit on it. Fred played her song and Howard said he doesn't hear it. Fred said maybe there's another part of the song. Howard sang along to the song like it was ''I'm too Sexy.'' Fred wasn't hearing it either.
Richard came in and said they didn't plan it this way. He said they just started and it happened quickly. He said they aren't going to induce it on Halloween. They're going to do whatever is safest for the baby. He said they're not going to do it on Halloween unless it happens on Halloween. He said it would be kind of cool but they're not going to force it.
Howard asked if they did it at Wing Bowl. Richard said it happened that weekend. Howard said that he looks extra greasy today. Richard said he showered but it's hot and humid outside. Howard said they have air conditioning. Richard said yesterday he ran a 10 mile race. He said he's been sweaty every since. He said he sweat on a person in the subway and she got really upset about that. Howard said he would too.
Howard asked why he's still sweating from yesterday. Richard said he almost overheated and collapsed yesterday. He said it was pretty hot. He said he's been having hot flashes lately. Howard said maybe running isn't for him. Richard said he loves it. He said he's getting a physical every 6 months. He said he had high cholesterol so he has to get checked. He said he's on top of that.
Howard said he heard his toe is so messed up that he may have to have surgery. Richard said his little toes are turned sideways. Howard said he looks like a sweaty ham today. Richard said he was so messed up that his face was beet red yesterday. Howard said he should get a physical every day.
Howard said he heard he missed two days of work to go to the haunted house. Richard said he did. He said that his wife said he could go. Howard asked how old he is. Richard said he flew down to Orlando for this. He said they turn the park into a Halloween park. He said he's been going for 21 years.
Howard played a clip of Richard down there in the haunted house. In the clip Richard said he loves the smell. He let out a few yells too. Howard asked what the smell is. Richard said they have smells for every scene. He said he thinks that they used liquid ass for an over flowing toilet scene.
Howard said he was painting over the weekend. He said he's not into that nonsense. He said the President is into this nonsense too. He said he's not sure why he's commenting on this Colin Kaepernick NFL controversy. Howard said you will never see him not salute the flag or stand for it. Howard said these are his values. Howard said this is the country that let his grandparents in when they had nowhere to go. Howard said this country let them in. He said this country defeated the Nazis. He said that so many people died during that war. He said the flag represents his home. He said it's the greatest country in the world. Howard said he could never not stand for that flag because of that but if some guy wants to kneel and have a protest, who gives a fuck? Howard said that they have this Kim Jong Un and this shit going on and the kneeling is just nonsense.
Howard said Richard is getting on a plane and going to a haunted house. He asked if he's saving money for the baby. Richard said he is. Howard said he's got a one bedroom apartment. Howard asked where it's going to sleep. Richard said down the road they can upgrade. Howard said they should do it now.
Howard said they say that the bigger the tank the bigger a fish will grow. Howard said his baby might stay small. Howard said this haunted house thing is so much nonsense.
Howard had a clip that Richard recorded on his flight where a baby was screaming the whole time. Richard said he's lucky that he's half deaf from drumming.
Robin asked where the baby is going to sleep. Richard said in a crib in the bedroom. He said they have a pull out couch so they can get sleep if they need to.
Howard said he worked 6 days a week when his kids were born. Howard said these guys have to be more masculine. Richard may take paternity leave. Howard said he's going to watch movies when he's off. Richard said he'll give a full report of what he's up to. He said he may have a beer at the end of the day but he won't play games. Richard said he wants to make sure his wife is taken care of. He said he's been doing their laundry and stuff. Howard said he's never heard of men taking paternity leave.
Howard said he never thought he'd see the day when men could take paternity leave. Howard said it's like they're half man and half woman. Robin asked if the family is going to come out to help. Richard said his wife's mom is coming out to help. Howard said his mom used to tell him stuff like that. Howard said his mom would go to help out when his sister had children. He said it's the mother's mother that goes to help. Howard did his impression of his mother calling in about that.
Howard said Richard should go take a shower. He said he's so greasy and gross. He said no one else is like that.
Howard played more of the baby screaming on Richard's flight. Richard said the lady was calm taking care of the baby. Richard said he has noise canceling headphones that he wears on the flight. He said they work at taking that noise out.
Howard told him to go wipe down. Howard asked if he's going to circumcise his boy. Richard said he is because he is. Robin said that's silly. Richard said he heard stories about cleaning it and stuff. He said he had Sal's cock cheese on his lip too so if you've ever had that then you would circumcise too. Howard said it can't be right to mutilate a baby. Howard said he knows the dilemma is still there but it can't be the right thing to do. Richard said that it still feels good down there being circumcised. Howard said it must feel amazing with it then. Richard asked Fred how it feels. Fred said he has no comparison. Howard said he's happy for Richard and his baby. He let him go after that.
Howard said there was a movie called Soap Dish where Sally Field played a woman who had to go out and get noticed. Howard said that's what this Trump rally stuff feels like. Howard said he's out there making outrageous comments and he should be beyond that. Howard said he needs to get an agenda and get some things passed that give people a beacon of light. Howard said he's so hyper focused and it's all nonsense. He said this is stuff that divides people.
Robin said this has been going on for years and now he's bringing it up. Robin asked why he's jumping in now and not during the campaign. Howard said right Robin and let out a belch.
The caller said that he looks at it this way. He said he was running and said stupid things. He said now he's 8 months in and it has no weight to it. He said he'll be gone before you know it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he still has his OCD problems. Howard said he does. He said it hasn't gone away. He said he went to weigh himself and put his left foot on the scale first. Then he thought that he should put his right foot on instead. He had to start over. Howard said it's like the Hokey Pokey. He said that's what it felt like. He said it's all nonsense like you think you control your fate.
Howard said there was a period in his life when they were first starting out where he was doing that for hours. He said he didn't want to acknowledge he had a problem. Howard said some of his symptoms went away.
Howard said last night he was watching the last Punisher which will be out on Netflix soon. Howard said he was watching it and he had to pause it and didn't use his thumb. He used another finger and he thought something bad was going to happen. He tried to talk himself out of giving into that. Howard said he has never controlled anything with it and he knows it's nonsense. He said he has kicked it for the most part. He said for a lot of his day he doesn't have a problem. He said he knows it's all dumb stuff and stupid but there's no talking him out of it. Robin said she just wants to make sure that he recognizes that something up there is messed up. He said of course he does.
The caller said he has the scale problem too. He said he will weigh himself and he has to get the same number 4 times in a row. Howard said this guy is out of his fucking mind. He said he's not talking to him. He was joking but he did hang up on him.
Howard took a call from his conscience who told him that he has to wash his hands. He told him to tie his shoe laces 40 times and stuff like that. Howard hung up on his conscience pretty quickly too.
Howard took a call from a guy who was circumcised at 19. Howard asked if he had more sensation when he wasn't circumcised. The caller said he did have more sensation. He said he regrets it but he had to have it done. He said that the skin didn't go all the way down like he should have. He said that he has 3 boys and got them circumcised as well. He said if they could invent a partial circumcision then it wouldn't be so bad. Robin asked what the feeling is like compared to the old way. The caller said he was at a 10 without the circumcision and at about a 5 with it.
Howard said it's crazy to chop off part of your penis. He said man had to come up with that. He said God didn't come up with it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who wasn't there when he picked up. Howard said the people in her family must have gagged her finally.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld is coming in today. He said that he watched his new Netflix special. He said he watched the Punisher too. He said that's very good. Howard said he started watching the new Star Trek on CBS. He said he's not sure what's happening though. He said they say it aired on Discovery last night and they're moving it over to CBS All Access. He said that's something you have to pay for and he's not going to do that. He said he's had it with that. Robin said she saw a banner for it and it was like CBS Plus or something. Howard said it's CBS All Access. Howard said the first 10 minutes he watched was really good. He said he loves Star Trek but it's another pay service. Robin said she's sick of it too. She said it's everything you click on. Robin said she can just watch CBS on cable. Howard said he's not sure how to get it. He said you need a space ship to get the new show.
Robin asked why they're trying to sell you all of this other stuff. Robin said she has HBO and if she wants to watch it through Amazon Fire they tell you to get a subscription. Howard said he has enough services too. Howard said he's not signing up for more.
Howard said that the new Star Trek is like their Game of Thrones. Howard said he doesn't know why they're doing it. Howard said he has to take a break and stay on schedule today.
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Howard came right back and said the porn he saw he was ashamed of. He said this was a young man playing a doctor and the doctor is on vacation so this female doctor shows up with her titties showing. Howard said she says he has premature ejaculation and the patient says he does. He said his step sister is there with him and the doctor asks her to leave. The doctor plays with his balls and he ejaculates immediately. He said then she has to examine the step sister. He said the sister comes in and her problem is that she thinks her pussy is too tight. Robin said the whole family is messed up down there. Howard said the guy comes back in and he has to be in there when the girl is examined. The girl insists that he turn his back to her. Howard said he does that and the girl gets undressed and lays down. Howard said the doctor starts fingering her to see why she's so tight. Howard said she's rubbing and examining. The brother turns around and looks and then they're both naked on the exam table. Howard said the step sister is told to play with the brother's penis. Then the doctor takes her clothes off and tells the sister to blow her step brother. Howard said he was done so he never saw the rest of it.
Howard asked what's going on with him that he finds this intriguing. Robin said she can't imagine. She said he stayed with it far too long. Howard said he would have stayed with it longer. Howard said he was all backed up and he had to finish. He said once he was done he was disgusted with himself.
Howard said Jerry Lewis had 6 boys and none of them were left a cent in his will. Robin said she thinks he made that clear to them before he died. Howard said Jerry left his entire estate to his widow and his adopted daughter. Howard said he was thinking of Jerry when they raised money for the Hurricane Harvey victims with a telethon. Howard said Jerry knew how to do a telethon. He said he'd do a 22 hour telethon. He said the best parts were when they had technical errors. He said it would happen constantly when they had screw ups. Howard said the band would screw up and Jerry would insult the band. Howard said Jerry would erupt. Howard played some audio of Jerry getting mad at the band for playing when he wasn't done talking.
Howard said that's a telethon when things are out of control. Howard said that hurricane Harvey telethon is great for raising the money but the old Jerry Lewis telethons were great. Howard said he loves when he chews out the crew live on the air. Howard said he has a great moment from 2009 when he forgets the lyrics to ''God Bless America.'' Howard played a clip of Jerry talking about the song and reciting the lyrics but then forgetting and asking why he doesn't have them.
Howard played more of Jerry going off on this woman saying it's like working with Eva Braun. He said she has a swastika on her ass this big. Howard said he loves old Jerry. He said he's the best. He said that was a telethon. Robin said it was all about Jerry that telethon. Howard said he'd joke around and he's supposed to be family friendly but then he'd make racist jokes. Howard played a clip of Jerry seeing a Japanese band and he'd make fun of him. Howard played a clip where Jerry said those 29 people came there in a Ford Escort and no one is left at Benihana.
Howard said they're too slick these days with the telethons. Howard said he has a clip of Jerry singing the song Mammy. He said Al Jolson used to do that song in black face. Howard played a clip of Jerry singing the song. Howard asked what that song was supposed to be. Robin said that term Mammy was for the black maid so it was a black guy singing about his Mammy. Howard said it's so fucked up. Howard said even David Duke was offended by that.
Howard said Jerry could have performed so many songs and that's the one he chose to do. Howard said he misses those telethons. He said that you have the worst come out because they have to fill 22 hours.
Gary said they looked up the song and saw that the guy who played Fred on I Love Lucy was the first person to perform that song in 1918.
Howard said that Jerry called a cameraman's son an ''illiterate fag.'' Howard played that clip and Jerry started to say it and stopped himself in the middle of the word ''fag.''
Howard said Jerry used to get worked up over Charro. Howard said she showed up at 58 years old and Jerry got worked up implying that the men there were getting erections. Howard played that clip too.
Howard said that was so great. He said Jerry does that song ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' at the end. Howard played a clip of Jerry performing the song. Fred threw in Gary playing trumpet over that.
Howard said that's a real telethon. He said that no one is following that. Robin said they say that he probably only had a few million in cash but there was a huge property value to all of the movies he owned. Robin said that's where the money is.
Howard said he has a phony phone call where the guys used his voice and called into a Jerry Lewis tribute show. Howard played that clip and the guys used his voice to talk to the hosts of the show about his parents and how he doesn't want them to die because they're getting up there in age. The hosts kept him on for a short time. They had Howard doing his Joan Rivers eulogy and talking about her dry cunt. The hosts were trying to hang up on him but they weren't able to get it done fast enough. They used Howard saying ''cunt'' over and over and called back and got in more of those. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he loves the song ''Let Me Roll It.'' He played some of the song and Robin said he did that one. Howard said it has one of the best guitar riffs in it. Fred said he thinks Paul was trying to imitate John Lennon with that riff. Howard said he wrote this because John Lennon had been brutal in some songs and this was his response. Howard recited the lyrics along with the song. Howard played the riff and said if he could just play that on guitar. Fred had Ronnie yelling out ''69!'' and ''Lets hear it!''
Howard said it's such a good song. Robin said he did it live and did acknowledge John and George. Howard said that's nice. Howard said he thinks the concerts are better because John isn't around to rib him about it. Robin said he can say he loves him now. Howard said John would be goofing on him now for having a solo concert. Howard said Paul can go out and do what he wants now.
Howard said that's a great song. He said Mariann was there too. Howard said it's enough with her calling in. Mariann said she told Howard she went the other day. She was rambling so Fred played her off with loud music. Howard hung up on her a short time later while she was still going with her different subjects.
Howard said Benjy has worked there for how many years. Gary said that it's 19 years. Howard said he was thinking that if Benjy is broadcasting on Facebook something must have rubbed off on him. Howard said he figured he'd be able to do something funny because he writes funny stuff for the show. Howard said he clicked the button and he got so fucking angry. He said he has never seen a worse broadcast. Howard said he lasted a minute or two and he got upset. He said he can't even tell you what he did. Howard said this was on Monday night. He said he wasn't seeing it live. He said it was up on his Facebook.
Howard said Benjy wanted to talk to people who were angry with him for voting for Trump. Howard said he was running around on the street and it's so dull. He wondered how this can be the same Benjy that works for him.
Howard said this clip is a minute long and you may not last through it. Howard played the clip and Benjy was talking to his phone and then people around him were talking. Benjy said he's not sure if anyone is there yet. He was walking around in Manhattan and talking about how wide Manhattan is. Howard asked if Robin can believe this. Robin said that's terrible. Howard said he's playing the best of the worst. He said they cut out the really bad stuff. Howard said this is his sizzle reel or his Game of Thrones. Howard said he figured he had learned something from him in 20 years working there. Robin said he must be doing the opposite. Howard said he's doing his own thing.
Howard said he's like a homeless guy talking to himself. Howard said Benjy did this thing where he said he wanted to connect with someone on Facebook. He said he's consumed with this. He said then he can't do it. Howard said he wanted to have a discussion with someone but he can't get it to work. Howard played a clip of Benjy talking to this guy about Trump and then it cuts out and Benjy can't hear the guy. Howard said ''What a show.''
Howard let that clip play and asked why he would do that. He asked why he'd want this out there. Howard said it's not going to serve him well. Howard said Benjy baffles him. Robin said that if he has someone in his life complaining about him voting for Trump he must have had something entertaining but this is some random person.
Howard said he follows the comedian Kevin Nealon on Twitter. He said Kevin started this thing where he goes on hikes with famous people had talks to them. Howard said he edits them down and puts the clips up. He said it's very interesting. Howard said he thinks Kevin is really creative and funny on Twitter. He asked how this is benefiting Benjy on Twitter. He said there's no way this is helping him. He said that he would rather listen to Morse Code. Howard said Benjy and the guy were talking over each other and Benjy eventually ended it because it was so bad.
Howard asked why he'd put this on the internet. Robin asked why he'd do it outside. She said there are beeping horns and so many problems. Howard said you make it your best, not your worst.
Howard said Benjy tried to do it on the street too but no one wants to talk to him. Howard played the clip and Benjy was going up to people asking and everyone was turning him down.
Howard said he has to have a calm conversation with Benjy. Benjy came in and Howard asked what he was trying to do with this. Benjy said he enjoys doing it. He said he likes getting into a conversation with people. He said he likes not having it come out 3 weeks later. Howard asked why he would put this out there. Howard said he was on a station called WRNW and they had a radius of zero. He said his father told him to do the best job you can do because you never know who is listening. Howard said he's his boss and a kind of friend. Howard asked why someone in the business would put this out as an example of his work. Benjy said he's right that it's not his best and he should lock it down when he's done with it. Howard said he should edit it.
Howard said he has to do something about it. Benjy said he wants to learn to talk without anyone. Howard said he has to do it right and show people how it's done. Benjy said he gets his point.
Howard said he feels Benjy wants to walk around with something great happening. He said he wants to be the Kardashians or something. Howard said even they edit. Robin said they have an agenda too. Howard said Benjy is already in the business.
Howard said the CEO of NBC, Steve Burke, heard it and he wants to give him a job. Howard took the call and he said they're going to start him out at $10 million. He said he's going to be the new blotchy face of late night. They're going to replace Fallon with Benjy. Ward said Benjy wants 50 million. ''Steve'' said they can do that. They told Fallon to pack his shit because he's out.
Howard said that he has some audio of Benjy on Periscope. He said he runs into the head of T-Mobile, John Legere. Howard played the clip and it sounded like Benjy was assaulting the poor guy.
Howard said that this is what they're going to get. Howard played another clip of Benjy jogging and making weird noises. Howard asked how he's worked there for 20 years and nothing has rubbed off on him. Robin said that running sounded more like a bowel movement.
Howard let ''Steve'' go and got back to Benjy. Howard said he works on the Howard Stern Show and he wants to do something on his own. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld put together that Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and edited that on his own. He said that's what Benjy should be doing. Howard said people wonder why he works there. Howard said he has to remind them. Howard said he has to take a break and get Jerry Seinfeld in there. Howard said he has a lot to talk to Jerry about. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that Jerry Seinfeld is there. He said he's always excited when he's there. Howard said he vowed he'd never return after the last interview. Howard said Jerry didn't think they could ever top that. Howard said he thought they should never talk again. Howard gazed upon Jerry when he came in. Howard said he tripped on the new step. Howard told him the microphone is on his headset. Jerry said he knows that but he'd rather put it on himself. He asked Gary to get away from him.
Howard said Jerry lost some weight. Jerry said he lost 40 pounds. Howard said he does look good. Jerry said he didn't lose any weight.
Howard said Jerry looks handsome in the jacket today. Howard said he looks good. Howard asked why the jacket is important. Jerry said it's the context of the comedian. He said George Carlin is funnier in the suit than in the tie dyed suit. Howard said if Steven Wright comes out looking like a schlub then he doesn't fit in. Jerry said he'd rather not see him in a suit. He said everyone is different. Jerry said he loves his jacket.
Howard said Jerry even said to the audience to look at his jacket. Jerry said thanks for watching it. He also congratulated him on the new set. Howard said that's their suit.
Howard said last time they did an interview Jerry said he wasn't going to come back because it can never be as good. Howard said so what if it's just mediocre. Jerry asked how he's doing. Howard said he's good. Jerry said he's good too. Robin said they act like they never see each other. Howard said they do. Jerry said the audience likes to hear that familiarity.
Howard said one of the things they talked about off the air that he wanted to get into more on the air was the top 10 favorite movies of all time that they started to talk about. Howard asked Jerry what the top 10 are. Jerry said he'll do the top 3. Howard said he likes Abbot and Costello meet Frankenstein. Howard said he loves them. Howard said their TV show was great. He said they had a great TV show with all of the characters. Jerry asked if he sees the similarity of his show with their show. Howard asked if that's the truth. Jerry said it is. He said that Abbott and Costello had everyone evil on the show and there was no explanation for that. He said they had that on Seinfeld. He said it was two guys just trying to figure things out and that was him and George.
Howard asked if they told that to NBC. Jerry said George's middle name was Lou after Lou Costello. Jerry said they just wanted to make it as funny as they could make it. He said they did talk about Abbott and Costello. Howard said he also said they never wanted to hug or learn anything on the show. Jerry said that's right. Howard said he never did learn anything from his show.
Howard said Jerry is a man of routine. He asked what he eats every morning. Jerry said he's eating eggs lately but it's not all the time. Howard said he eats a lot of the same thing. Howard said he has the same breakfast every morning. He said it's yogurt, blueberries and coffee and a little granola.
Jerry said it seems like Howard really is happy to see him. Howard said he likes him so of course. Howard said he works a lot and he's not available all the time. Howard said he has to get into it with him about writing. Howard said he was surprised to learn he writes down every word on yellow legal paper. Jerry said he'll take 10 minutes to get the number of syllables right. He said he can't remember everything he writes but he likes the architecture of a joke. Jerry said if a comedian brings up a joke he wants to write he sees something he wants to make fun of. He said he gets some laughs off of it and he has to get deep on it. He said he tries to go as deep as he can to see how many laughs he can get.
Howard said Jerry has to come up with something to ride the wave with. Howard said Jerry told him a premise once and he thought it was great. Howard said it was funny and Jerry said he didn't figure out how to go any further with it. Howard said he remembers what it was he wrote about. Howard said he finished the bit for Jerry. Howard said it was probably 20 lines. Howard said he wrote it and deleted it. Howard said it was too arrogant for him to write it. Howard asked if it was arrogant. Jerry said it was right of him to delete it. He said that he was talking to Neal Brennan and they were talking about how the hardest thing is to write stand up. It's not hard to do it but it's hard to write it. He said it has to be brilliant or it's useless.
Howard said he wrote this thing for Jerry and thought some of it was shit. He said he thought Jerry could take it and run with it. Jerry said what would have been fun is to take it on stage and see what happens. Howard said that would have been a nightmare. Jerry said he would have tired to sell it but he would have seen how hard it is.
Jerry said the new HS logo looks too corporate. Howard said they have about 50 logos around. Jerry laughed.
Howard told him to listen to him. He asked if anyone has ever come up to him and said they can help with a bit. Jerry said they don't say those words but they do say ''What about this..'' He said if he likes it he'll use it. Jerry said if you do that line then you see that person in your head every time.
Howard asked about this guy he talks to every day. Jerry said he has this friend Barry Marter who he talks to every day. He said that he's totally unfiltered with this person. He said he can talk about anything in his life and how you feel and that person is with you. He asked if Howard has that kind of person in his life. Howard thought about it and said it's somebody Jerry knows. He said it's this guy Pat he knows. Jerry said he knows Pat. Jerry said Barry and he have talked about psychiatry. Jerry said no one wants to hear about other people's problems. He said they've juts found an amount that they are willing to sit and listen to that crap. Howard said he has changed his views on that. Howard said Jerry needs to go to a psychiatrist. Jerry laughed.
Howard said Jerry said he had a normal childhood but then he reveals that both of his parents were in orphanages. Howard said there's no way he wasn't affected by that. He said they don't hear about any friends Jerry had in high school or anything like that. Jerry said high school was traumatic. He said he was all alone and he never went to a party or talked to a girl. He said he didn't even notice it. He said he was watching TV. Howard asked if he missed having friends. Jerry said once in a while he would but he thought socializing was a thing. He said he was more interested in TV Guide and how he could go see Batman while he was in Hebrew school.
Howard asked Jerry if he didn't like people. Jerry said there was a roughness to them. He said he didn't like that. Howard asked if his parents thought that was odd. Jerry said they didn't even notice.
Howard asked if his parents talked to him about the orphanage. Jerry said they didn't. He said they were fine. He said they lived in Massapequa and they had a good time there. Howard said it bothered him that women didn't pay attention to him. Jerry said that he figured he could get there some day. He said he knew he had to get there but he didn't know how he was going to do it. Jerry said he wanted to understand the bra some day. He said he didn't know what it was or how it worked.
Howard said he thinks he could do a bit with that. Jerry said they did a bit with that in Seinfeld with George as a bra salesman. He said that his father explained to him what all of the sizes were.
Howard asked about Seinfeld being bought by Hulu. Jerry said that they rent it. Howard asked if they're not syndicated on local TV. Jerry said they are. He said they're on TBS, Hulu, DVD and local. Howard said that Hulu paid some crazy amount of money for the show. Jerry said his daughter is not going to play a DVD. He said she'll watch it on Hulu. He said it's a different medium. Howard asked what that is. Jerry said it's online. He said that he's watching his computer while he's on Facecrack. Howard said what kills him is that when Jerry started Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee he thought he was wasting his time. He said he was on Crackle. He said now Netflix bought that and gave him this stand up special. Howard said it worked into something. Howard said he must be proud of that. Jerry said it's hard to make a new show work. He said it's a new show and a new concept and that's even harder. He said it's exploring and he likes to explore.
Howard said Jerry went to the internet and offered a new show for free. Howard said maybe that show wouldn't have worked on a network. Howard said the medium is the message. That's an old saying they pulled from some guy.
Jerry said he thought about it and they needed a short, funny show that's tightly edited. He said YouTube and Netflix said no. He said they all said no but Crackle believed in it. Howard asked if they are upset they lost out. Jerry said he would imagine. Howard asked if they asked where his loyalty is. Jerry said ''Loyalty!?'' It just goes to the highest bidder. Jerry said it's show business, not show fun. Jerry said that he told them that Netflix had made a nice offer. He said that he asked them what they wanted to do. Jerry said they just came back with ''We love the show.'' Howard said that's not an offer. Jerry said that was it. He said they flew to New York from L.A. to tell him they love the show.
Jerry asked Howard about hanging on the microphone and if he does that all the time. Howard said he's just doing his thing.
Jerry asked if he's trying to drill down on his guests in there. Howard said his goal is to have a conversation as good as they have when they have one in private. Howard said they do really well. Jerry said they do.
Jerry said he saw an interview with Bill O'Reilly and Matt Lauer. He said he likes Bill because that's Long Island. He said that it's Howard, Bill and him. He said it's a brassy, ballsy, arrogant, self promoting thing. Howard said yes. Howard asked what he felt about Bill in that interview. Jerry said you look for the blink when people lie. He said they can't keep their gaze focused. He said there's a tell. Jerry said he did a pretty good job lying he felt. Howard said that's exactly how he felt. He said he can tell that bullshit story without blinking. Howard said he believes the accusations. Jerry said he does look like a guy who would do that. Howard said he has no proof but he does think that it's true.
Howard asked Jerry if he ever rejects any material because it's too mean. He said he thinks he could have been a good insult comic. Howard said he thinks he could hurt him and it would be funny. Jerry said he's a very mean guy but a very nice guy. Howard said you have to be mean to be funny. Howard asked if Jerry has come up with stuff that can hurt someone. Jerry said he was doing a big about someone about important calls. He said that they're calling you so they're not important. Jerry said the audience would start to laugh and it hurt them. He said he loved the idea about that bit. He said the joke is like 5 years old and he came up with something that would go with that. He said that the people you know aren't important people. He said it's the same joke. He said everything you do is stupid and a waste of time. Jerry said that's the exciting thing for him. He said that joke worked. Jerry said the joke worked. He said he's rolling now with that joke. He reformed it and he got a laugh. Jerry said the first one got a feeling of pain but the next one worked.
Jerry said he has a joke about ''sucks and great'' and it's a very long bit. He said it's one of the longest he's ever done. He said it's about people going to a place and talking about how great it is and then it sucks. Jerry said it's one of the best things he's ever come up with. He said in that bit he talks about how these people saw a comedian who had a sitcom in the 90s. He said you tell them that their life sucks and they laugh. He said it's a subtle thing. Jerry said you have to try it on stage. He said you have to be tuned in like cracking a safe.
Howard asked Jerry if he tunes in on the people who don't laugh. Jerry said that he doesn't. He said he listens for a certain sound out there. Jerry said Colin Quinn said that comedy is the closest thing to justice.
Howard asked Jerry about Don Rickles and people like that and if he thinks that's a cheap laugh. Jerry said nothing Don did was cheap. He said he adores him. Jerry said that was another world to him.
Howard said he was not shocked to learn that Jerry thought his dad was so funny he could have been a better comedian than him. Howard said he thinks that about his father but with radio. Howard said when Jerry's father died it liberated him to be even funnier. He said you compete with your father and don't want to beat him. Jerry said that is true. He said that it wouldn't hurt his feelings if he was that funny. He said that his father might be aware in the next world. Howard asked if he believes in an afterlife. Jerry said he doesn't know about that but he believes that souls are around.
Jerry said he was talking to Ted Sarandos from Netflix and talking about how well the show is doing all around the world. jerry said he was wondering how he's been so fortunate and he thinks that someone is helping him. He said maybe it's his father helping him.
Howard asked when his dad passed. Jerry said it was 1985 and he got his TV show in 89. Howard said he always thought his dad would be on the radio. He said his dad is 94 and still alive. Jerry said god bless him. Howard said his dad would have been great on radio. He said that he knows what Jerry means when he thinks about showing up his dad. Howard said for years he'd go to do an interview and he would give all the credit to his father for being funny. Howard said he didn't take an ounce of credit for himself. Jerry said that's nice. Howard said he's not sure it's healthy though. Jerry said on the other hand he can't not acknowledge that part of his dad is in him and they have helped him. He said there's nothing wrong with that. He asked if his kids were more successful than him would he be upset. Howard said no. He said he thinks he'd be so happy. He said he likes to think that.
Howard said Jerry has been very gracious. Howard said Jerry has a daughter who is great. He said she's not an asshole. Howard said he means that in the highest compliment. Howard said Jerry talks about how she's much funnier than he is. Howard said it's sweet but does he believe that for real. Jerry said he doesn't think she cares much about it. He said she has spent a lifetime in the business and one of the greatest successes he and Larry had was spotting someone who was hilarious. He said he knows funny when he sees it. He said he doesn't think his daughter will go in that direction. He said you have to have it and you have to want to make something of it. Jerry said you have to want that. He said talent alone won't do it.
Robin asked when Jerry knew he was funny. Jerry said that's a good one. He said he didn't know he was funny until he got in front of an audience and they laughed.
Howard said Jerry's special is basically his original act but with new stuff in it. Howard said Jerry talks about men using cotton balls in his act. He said that he actually uses them. Jerry said he's so primped. Howard said he also has a bit about flowers and how women like that stuff. Howard said he's so right. Jerry said that's a 35 year old bit. Howard said it did hold up and people are watching it. Jerry said he'll never do that material again. jerry said he's got new stuff. Howard said Gary is going to see him at the Beacon soon. Jerry said he'll never hear any of that material.
Howard said he was thinking about this with Jerry. He said that there are kids who know him for not hugging Kesha on the red carpet. Howard said kids will just know him from that. Howard said of course he didn't hug her. Howard said he's a married man and he didn't know who she was. Howard said he wouldn't have hugged her either. Jerry said switch the genders for a moment. Jerry asked how uncomfortable it would have been. Howard said he would have been ridiculed if it was turned around.
Jerry asked what it was that was so fascinating by that. Howard said Jerry was trying to work by being witty on the red carpet. Howard said that Jerry turned down a hug from someone he didn't know in the middle of an interview. Jerry said if it was someone famous he did know maybe it would have been different. Howard said it set off a firestorm. Jerry said he didn't understand it. Howard said her fans were attacking him. Robin said it was news. Jerry said he kept saying ''thank you'' to her but kept saying no. Howard asked if he has listened to any of her music. Jerry said he has been kind of busy.
Howard asked Jerry about his favorite movies. Jerry said ''The Graduate'' is right up there in the top 3. He said it's a great movie and every scene is funny. Jerry talked about how funny the movie was and talked about some of the scenes. Howard asked if he has met Dustin Hoffman. Jerry said he has and he talked to him about the movie. He said he wanted to do a Comedians in Cars with him but Dustin didn't want to do it. He said he wanted to do it in the Alfa Romeo but Dustin is probably sick of it all. He said he doesn't know him very well so he's not sure how he feels.
Howard said he read the most fascinating thing. He said that he read about the people who tired out for Seinfeld. Jerry said he's not sure how real that list is. Howard asked about Paul Shaffer. Jerry said that's not true. Howard asked about Danny Devito. Jerry said no. He said they wouldn't have taken someone from another show. Howard asked about Steve Buscemi. Jerry said he doesn't remember. He didn't remember David Alan Grier either. Howard asked about Rosie O'Donnell for Elaine. Jerry said she did come in and read. He said Megan Mulally was another one who was close. He said then Julia came in and blew them all away.
Howard asked if Tony Shalub came in and auditioned for Kramer. Jerry said no. Howard said Michael Richards was so great as Kramer. Howard asked if they have asked him to do a reunion show. Jerry said he has been approached with astronomical numbers. He said even if it's just one show. Howard said it wouldn't work. Jerry said you can only make it worse. Howard said he has enough money to be able to turn that down. Jerry said there is no number. He said you don't tamper with certain things.
Howard asked what other movies are in his top 3. Jerry said the Godfather is up there for everyone so they'll put that to the side. Howard said his wife has never seen it. He said she won't watch it with him. Jerry said that's great. He said going into it with that attitude would make it even greater. Jerry said the movie doesn't even have one curse word in it. Howard said he never thought about that. Howard said Jerry doesn't curse in his act. Howard said he won't even consider it. Jerry does say ''son of a bitch'' in his Netflix special.
Howard asked Jerry to get back to Barry. Jerry said they talk to each other at least and hour a day. He said he's the sweetest and funniest guy. He said he's a single guy and he comes out to visit every summer. Howard asked if he helps him write. Jerry said it's just relaxation. Howard said he can tell him about fights with his wife? Jerry said he can. He said Barry just wrote these books ''Letters from a Nut'' that were made into a play. He said that may go to Broadway. Howard asked if someone has to be very witty to be friends with him. Jerry said that's a classic Stern question. Howard said he must need that. Jerry said yes. Howard said if someone is dim witted they can't be close to you. Jerry said that it's all about speed of thought. He said he and Barry can talk and they'll just talk about whatever. He said they to as fast as they can to the next joke.
Howard said it seems like too much work to have a friendship like that. Jerry said they discuss the best bits from the day before. He said they call them residuals. He said they talk at any time of day. Howard asked if he panics if Barry doesn't answer. Jerry said he does but he has no life and no job so he always answers. He said he has done a lot of work for him with Comedians in Cars and social media stuff.
Howard asked if it's harder and harder to find friends. Howard said there's a point in his special where he's talking to some friends he came up with in the comedy world. Howard said these two guys must be so jealous of Jerry. Howard asked if he feels bad for them. Jerry said no. Howard said he feels different. Jerry said that's just the way it worked out. Jerry said he actually does feel bad. Jerry said Howard must have known a lot of guys in radio who were really good but didn't do that well. Jerry said you don't age out on radio. He said you can't win people over at 63. He said they get into you and like you at 35 and they stay with you.
Howard asked what happened to those guys who didn't make it. He asked if they ask for money. Jerry said not really. He said certain things are so there that you don't want to talk about them.
Howard said Jerry did a bit about being president and who would want that job. Jerry said that bit is from the 80s but Chris Rock liked it so he put it in for him. Howard said you'd have to be insane to want to be president. Jerry said that is the joke.
Howard said that Jerry loves Chris Rock and he took some time off and stopped doing stand up for a year. Jerry said he went and played billiards at David Brenner's place. Howard said a year later he went to see Chris Rock do a show and he was inspired to go back. Jerry said he laughed the whole hour and it was incredible. He said he thinks this was in 1999 or so. He said he had never had the experience of going to see a comedian and laughing for a full hour. He said Chris doesn't know that he's making that happen. Jerry said the comedian doesn't feel it like an audience member does.
Howard said the audience might come and watch the show and feel good for an hour or so. Howard said he was watching Alec Baldwin on the Emmys and he said don't belittle the job of making TV. Jerry said Barry always says to him imagine that there's no TV and what is a guy going to do when he comes home. He said that's how badly people need you.
Jerry said someone told him that Howard Stern will not watch a comedian's special because he's afraid he might take some of their material and not know it. Howard said that's not it. He said there are a couple of guys who are great like Jerry that can hold his attention. He said that he thinks he's smart enough not to take someone's material. He said that he was inspired by Jerry's act and he thinks he can do something good on radio. Jerry asked if they're doing a good show now. Robin said she's enjoying it.
Howard asked if Jerry is worried that people won't enjoy this. Jerry said he doesn't think he'll have to worry about it. Jerry asked if he knows how many people listen to him from day to day. Howard said he knows what percentage of subscribers listen to the show. He said he doesn't get a big report or anything. He said back on regular radio they got weekly ratings. He said that was his nightmare. Howard said that was the worst part of the job.
Robin asked if Jerry obsessed about ratings. Jerry said he didn't obsess. He said they had the ratings on a board and they had an excuse for it. He said the show was a bomb for years. Howard said he would come on the show and beg people to listen. Howard said NBC stuck with it. Jerry said they had a small but affluent demo. He said BMW liked that. He said Rolex liked that too. He said that's what kept him on the air. He said it's not that way today.
Howard asked Jerry about what movie he likes in the second spot. Jerry said Glengarry Glen Ross. Jerry said that he loves that movie. He said that they based the movie Boss Baby on one scene. He said it's great writing and a great performance. He said Alec Baldwin was go good in that movie.
Howard asked Jerry if he has every joke cataloged in his head. Jerry said he does. Howard asked if he ash to go through his notes and brush up when he does his show. Jerry said he does. He said that he had to figure out how he did the material way back then. He said he did the act for 4 months at Gotham comedy club to prepare for the special.
Howard asked if Jerry gets confused doing new material and old. jerry said he can get confused. He said when he does a new bit and it works he will blank out. He said sometimes it will work and he has to take a sip of water and ask ''what else is going on?''
Howard said he'd never be able to remember his material. He said he had the hardest time remembering his movie lines. He said once they yelled ''Action'' he had to remember.
Howard asked Jerry what other movie is in his top 3. Jerry asked Robin what her favorite is. Robin said that she has to take Godfather off. Robin said she thinks she'd put Godfather 2 up there at the top. Robin said that she thinks it would be something like ''A Raisin in the Sun.'' Howard said she's just trying to impress Jerry now. Robin said that's not true.
Howard said that Jerry compares their meals to the meals he and Beth serve. Jerry said it's his job to do that. He said he makes it fun. Howard said Jerry's wife is fun. Howard said she wrote a cook book and he read it. He said she made an ice cream with no sugar in it and it's great. It's called Vice Cream.
Howard asked Jerry for another movie. Jerry said he likes ''There Will BE Blood.'' He said it's so great. Howard said he likes that one too. Jerry said he watches the best scenes on YouTube. Howard said he watches scenes on YouTube too. He thought he was the only one. Howard asked if it's okay to do that with Seinfeld. Jerry said it's fine. Howard said they've learned a lot from Jerry today.
Howard said he has an older sister. Howard asked if she's jealous of his success. Jerry said no. He said not everyone wants to be famous. Howard said he just tries to behave himself around Jerry. He said he doesn't try to be funny.
Howard said Jerry has this new special on Netflix. He said he's very busy. Jerry said none of it has worked for him. He said that he loves what he does. He said that he can go sit in any room and write. He said he loves it. Howard asked if lining up his papers to the street scared him. Jerry said they made copies. He said that this has been his whole life and he saved it all. Robin said that's amazing.
Howard said one of the greatest gifts he ever got was after he did Joan Rivers' eulogy Melissa wrote him a note and sent him a card where Joan wrote a vagina joke. He said it was something about her vagina only being good for holding her down to the floor during an earthquake. Howard said he framed it and put it on his wall. Howard asked if Jerry knew Joan. Jerry said he spoke to her about doing Comedians in Cars about a month before she passed. Jerry said he didn't know her very well. Jerry said he had a friend who was on a flight with her and she was blocking the aisle putting her bag away. Howard asked if he didn't like her act. Jerry said he goes joke to joke. Howard said he's being diplomatic here. Howard asked Jerry if he likes the jokes about Liz Taylor and stuff. Jerry said he can take it or leave it. He said he sees how the joke is built and that's just something that he's not into. Howard asked what it is about that. Jerry said he doesn't like a comedian who doesn't do the joke and then wait. He said one of the hardest things it to just not say anything while you wait for the laugh to come. He said you just have to hang in there. He said he doesn't like comedians who won't wait. He said you have to stop and wait to see if the laugh will come. Howard said Joan would go right into the next joke. Jerry said some people are afraid to stand in that hole. Howard said he doesn't care as long as he's laughing. Howard asked if Cosby was good because he'd wait. Jerry said yes. He said Garry Shandling would wait too.
Howard said Jerry did a show with Garry Shandling just a month before he died. Jerry said that his cameraman said that it was great that Garry was still alive and he named it that. He said he did Jerry Lewis a couple of months ago and then he died.
Howard said it's so sad that his 6 boys weren't in his will. Robin said it was mean spirited too. Howard said there's an anger there.
Howard asked Jerry about selling replicas of the Seinfeld set. Jerry said he's not but a company is. He said if you like the set you can buy a model. He said the guy who is doing it is the son of the guy who made Bazooka gum. He said that his father invented Bazooka bubble gum. Howard said he used to chew that stuff.
Howard said that Jerry was kind of a hit right away. Howard asked if Jackie Mason saw him early on. Jerry said he was doing it 2 weeks. Howard said Jackie told him that he was going to be so famous that it made him sick. Jerry said that's right. He said he was in a restaurant doing an actor for like 10 people. He said he was 21 and doing it for 15 minutes. Jerry said he didn't think he was going to be huge. He said he didn't know what Jackie was even talking about. Howard asked if Jackie got in touch with him. Jerry said yes. He said he always did. He said that they'd talk and laugh about it. Howard said he can't imagine that.
Howard said Jerry was still living at home at 21. He said it has to be humiliating. Jerry said it wasn't. Jerry said his one word to describe his personality and life is ''Oblivious.'' He said he is oblivious and his father was too. Howard asked if he thinks he's on the spectrum. Jerry said it's not a disorder. He said that there are a lot of similarities between him and Howard. Howard said they are the same. He said they are imitating empathy and things like that. Jerry said it's not that. He said not being social is fine. He said he's not sure why his daughter cares.
Robin said he can enjoy what he enjoys. Jerry said he does enjoy things. He said he likes cereal and the clouds in the sky. Howard said he loved that bit he does about sugar in cereals in his act. Jerry said he loved the joke about the menu of the ice cream being right over the exhaust of the truck. Howard said that was great.
Howard said he went to a party recently and they had that Mr. Softee guy come. Howard said that was great. He said he had it and it was so good. Howard said he accidentally called him Carvel and the guy got upset.
Robin said she brought up the enjoying thing because Howard doesn't enjoy things. Howard said he does. Jerry said that they don't enjoy things that most people are supposed to enjoy. Jerry said he's not sure how he can do that. Jerry said talking about his house in Florida is pressure. Howard said he has an internal pressure. He said he had Letterman on recently and he's jealous of Comedians in Cars. Jerry said that's nice.
Howard asked how this compares to his conversations with Barry. Jerry said he has to be honest. He said he doesn't do this stuff on stage. He said that there is a profanity and things that he does on the phone. He said that he uses all of those words in his private life. Howard asked if he uses the word cunt. jerry said of course he does. He said he doesn't like the word really. He said it's too harsh. Jerry said he's very particular about words.
Howard said that Yiddish words are the best. Howard said Jerry talks about his Jerry Mahoney doll and the Superman stuff he has on stage with him. Howard said MAD Magazine too. Jerry said that magazine meant a lot to both of them growing up. Howard asked what the fascinating is with boys and Superman. Jerry said it's in your mind that you think you have something special. Jerry said life is a hassle even with all of that.
Howard said they have really talked today. Howard said they're talking to celebrate Jerry. Howard said his special is on Netflix and it's called Jerry Before Seinfeld.
Howard said that Jerry is doing Colbert this week to promote this special. Jerry said he does a great job with his political stuff. He said he really likes Lawrence O'Donnell too. He said he's on MSNBC. He said his manner and poise and pacing are so great. He asked if Rachel Maddow is reading. Howard said yes. He said he has asked her about it. Howard said he should watch Lawrence having a meltdown. Jerry said he was going to watch it but it was too long.
Jerry asked where all of the right leaning comics are. Howard said Dennis Miller is there. Jerry said that most of them seem lefty. He asked why that is. Howard said he doesn't have a good answer for that. Howard said he thinks they come out of the closet more than right leaning. Howard said that he was asking Rob Schneider about that and he was talking about how there's less acceptance if you do that. Howard said that you don't need that.
Jerry asked Howard about his take on the NFL yesterday. Howard said personally he could never take a knee because this country was a blessing to his grandparents. Howard said this is the country that so many men sacrificed their lives for. Howard said it means too much to him. He said as far as someone taking a knee ''who gives a shit?'' Howard said we don't even need the National Anthem. Howard said he's not sure why we do it. Jerry said he used to tease Leno about wearing the American flag pin on his jacket. He said he'd tell him how brave he was.
Howard said he heard a fact about Jerry. He said he heard he just started drinking 10 years ago. Jerry said it's 4 years ago. Howard said he just started again and he loves it. Jerry said it's great. Howard said he did Jerry's show and didn't drink it. Howard said Jerry thought he was weird for it. Howard said for years jerry had coffee with George Constanza and he didn't drink coffee. Howard said he loved it as a kid. He said he smoked with it and stopped both.
Howard asked Jerry if he smoked. Jerry said he tried it a few times. Robin asked why he started drinking again. Jerry said that it's easy and quick to go out for coffee and not a whole meal. He said that he felt this thing where he got this energy. He said he has it all day long. Jerry said he has 6-8 a day. Howard said he has one or two a day. He said that's it. Jerry said Dunkin' Donuts is great but he has Starbucks.
Howard asked Jerry who he has coming up on comedians in cars this season. Jerry said Dave Chappelle and Tom Hanks are booked. He said Kate McKinnon too. Howard asked if he's going to do Letterman's show. Jerry said he may not be right for it. He said he would do it but he wasn't asked to do it. Howard said he was asked to do it. He said Dave seems to think he fits.
Jerry asked how much talking people need. Howard said he knows. He said he's doing Kimmel's show but he's not sure how much more people want to hear from him. Jerry said it's the medium. He said Howard there is a different Howard. Howard said he taught him something and he forgot it.
Howard asked if he knows what he's going to do on Colbert's show. Jerry said not really. Howard asked if he doe the pre-interview. Jerry said yes. Jerry said he hates when you tell them something and they scream laughing. He said it means nothing. Howard said he hates doing them because he knows it's going to be different on the show. Howard said he feels his pacing is too rushed on those shows.
Howard asked Jerry what he's going to talk to Barry about. Jerry said he'll talk to Barry as soon as he gets to his office. He said he'll just talk about whatever. Howard said they should tape that. Jerry said it's horrible, they say horrible things. Howard said he's afraid there's a tape going when he's on a call. Jerry said if they released these calls on Sirius they would beat Howard's show. Jerry said Howard should have Barry on his show. Howard said what if he lets loose. Jerry said he won't.
Howard asked Jerry if he tells Barry about something terrible will he take it to the grave. Jerry said he thinks so. He said he thinks this must be what it's like to be in therapy. He said it's like therapy to him. He said it gets it out of you.
Howard asked Jerry if he did the bit about sports teams and how you're just rooting for the shirts and not the people. Jerry said he did. Howard said he doesn't root for the players. He said they just go wherever they get paid.
Howard said they're gone long with this interview. Jerry said he could go another hour. Howard said they've done an hour and a half already. Howard said he knows he forgot to ask him about something. Howard said he has to think about what to ask him. Jerry told him to go to commercial or take a call. Howard said he'll do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's the greatest fucking show on earth. The caller said ''the show'' is great always. Howard asked if he's enjoying hearing Jerry. The caller said Jerry is the best but Howard is the king.
Howard asked Jerry if he knows that the God hates Fags people love Seinfeld so much that they named their dogs Cosmo and Kramer. He said that the guys told him about that. Howard asked Gary how they found that out. Gary said they have a team of researchers who found that in a book one of the daughters wrote. Robin said that shows you that even those people need to get out of hate mode and laugh. Robin said you get on Hulu and laugh at Seinfeld. Jerry wondered if they like the ''Not that there's anything wrong with that'' episode. Howard said he's sure they do.
Howard wrapped up with Jerry and gave him more plugs. Howard said they even have Jerry on the comedy channel. Jerry said he loves the Beatles channel there. He said he just goes into a every of heaven. Howard said some people don't realize that they're the greatest thing to happen. Jerry said when he puts them on his kids think it's country music. Jerry said he once had a coffee with Paul McCartney and he takes credit for Comedians in Cars. He said a couple of years after going to coffee with him he had the idea for the show so Paul thinks he got it from him.
Jerry said in the midst of the most intense fame with the Beatles every possibility was there for them and they were able to turn out a prolific, high quality series of music. Jerry said he wondered how they avoided the temptations. Howard said he doesn't know that they did. jerry said we know they did. Howard said they did the drugs and had the groupies. Howard said they weren't together all that long either. Howard said John, George and Paul all went out and did things on their own. jerry said Paul said that they loved doing what they did. He said they'd show up at 10am and write and just do it. Howard said he doesn't get what it was that they had against each other. Jerry said people just hate each other. He said he does a joke about how we hate each other but we can't stand to be away from each other.
Howard said he thought that Jerry and Larry had a falling out. Jerry said they worked that all out. He said that they're fine. He said they had a tremendous chemistry together. He said it's the same to this day. Jerry said if you're in a car ride with someone for 10 days you're going to hate them.
Howard said Paul invited him to his house for dinner on a Sunday night. Howard said he couldn't go. Robin said he should have taken a day off. Jerry said he could have had a cup of coffee. Howard said Paul wouldn't have liked having dinner with him anyway.
Howard said he's kept Jerry long enough. He gave him more plugs and wrapped up the interview again.
Howard gave Jerry a Sophie's choice between Barry and Larry David. Jerry asked what he's talking about. Howard asked who he would save. Jerry wasn't answering. Howard said he thinks it would be Barry. Jerry said that he and Barry talk every day. He said Larry is just once in a while. He said that if he didn't have Larry he wouldn't have that series. Howard asked if he ever smoked weed. Jerry said he did in college once. He said he knows it's good for some things.
Jerry asked if Howard drinks. Howard said he has one glass of wine a night. He said he was told he can't drink a lot. He said it's just one drink a night. Jerry said he drinks some wine too. Howard said he can't believe he eats meat. He said he wants him to work on that. Howard gave him more plugs and wrapped up once again. Then Robin asked what marriage did for him. Jerry said not having a wife is mongrely. He said that the experience of marriage is challenging. He said it breaks you down to your core and makes you wonder who you really are. Howard gave him plugs again and tried to end the interview again. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said it's very late in the show so they should get to some news. They played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard said that was from Boob Marley.
Robin started her news with a story about Anthony Weiner and how he could get 2 years in federal prison. Howard said it's really disturbing when people self destruct like this. Robin said he claims he has an illness. Robin said he says that it's like a drug addiction so he shouldn't be sent to prison. Robin said he also says that the 15 year old had an agenda and tried to affect the election. Howard said if you start in with something like that you have to control it. Howard said you're affecting a child. He said he shouldn't be susceptible to this. Howard said it's lame. He said it's sad and scary in way that he's willing to blow up his whole life. He said it's just texting. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about Tom Brady writing a book and how it's filled with photographs. Robin said that's what the report says. Howard asked who wouldn't want to see that. Howard asked how he handled the kneeling thing. Gary said he locked arms. Gary said he did say that he was disappointed in Trump's statement because he was a Trump supporter.
Robin read about some of the response from the NFL players. Robin had some audio clips to play. There were a bunch of clips of various players commenting on what's going on. Howard said kneeling seems more respectful than standing up. Robin said Stevie Wonder did a concert and he kneeled down on both knees. Robin said he was praying for the country and the leaders of our world.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression and talking about the NFL thing. Howard said he's going to be on fire on his show today. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Sour Mad Dog. Howard said he really summed it up.
Robin got back to the NFL thing and played the audio of Trump telling the NFL team owners to fire these guys who disrespect our flag. Howard said someone was saying that Trump didn't have a problem with the Charlottesville people but he did have a problem with this. Howard said the whole thing seems wacky and it's too much. Howard said enough with the statements. Robin said at the very least you know these guys can do their job in the NFL. Robin said not everyone who picks up a football ends up there. Robin said a lot of the other jobs we're not sure they can do the job and if they're replaceable. Robins said saying to fire these people may not get them to listen. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Kylie Jenner's pregnancy and asked if Howard is involved with the controversy. She said that she's 6 months into a relationship and now she's pregnant. Howard said he believes she's setting a bad example for younger girls. Howard answered that as a Miss America contestant. Robin said Caitlyn is upset about Kylie's pregnancy.
Robin read a story about a paramedic in Florida who is accused of taking selfies with incapacitated victims in his ambulance. Robin said he's going to jail over this. Howard said it goes on all the time. Robin said they had photos or recordings of more than 40 patients. Robin said one woman's eyelids were held open in this competition two paramedics had. Robin said that reminds her of Sam Kinison's bit about what happens to you when you die.
Robin read a story about how no matter how many times they announce rip tides during hurricanes people still go out and have to be rescued. Robin said at least 35 people had to be rescued this weekend from the storms that have been coming up the coast. Robin said she read a story about 3 women who went into the water right after someone else had to be rescued. Howard said it's unbelievable. Howard said he's not sure why they thin they're so special. Howard said he would be too rational and not rescue someone like that. Howard said he's just not going to do it. Robin said she went to the beach this summer and a friend of her's asked about the flags and what they mean. Robin said the life guard didn't know what the flags meant. Howard said that's terrible. Howard said Beth is so brave. He said his dog jumped in the pool and Beth jumped right in. Howard said he was taking his shoes off and Beth just jumped in. He said he's more of a second responder.
Robin read a story about Jeffrey Dean Morgan who just announced he and his wife are having a baby. Howard said his wife is really hot. Howard said he saw some singer the other day and someone told him to check out his wife. He said he went on Instagram and spent about 20 minutes looking at her. He said it was Gary Clark Jr.'s wife (Nicole Trunfio).
Robin read a story about a show Bill O'Reilly did and what he was announcing there to a lot of empty seats. Robin said he was saying he's going to be moving his show to another place. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how the republicans are taking another pass at repealing and replacing Obamacare this week. Robin said it takes 50 votes to get it passed and Rand Paul and John McCain have already said they're not voting for it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Bill Gates talking to President Trump. Robin said he's hopeful that his discussion about life saving vaccines having a good influence on Trump. Robin had some audio of Gates talking about that.
Robin read a story about Puerto Rico and the affects of the hurricanes hitting them down there. Robin had some audio of Governor Cuomo talking about that.
Robin read a story about September being suicide prevention month. Robin said that the suicide rate is at the highest in this country in 35 years. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how serious the problem is.
Robin read a story about how the Foo Fighters have the number 1 album on the charts. Robin had a clip of one of their new songs for Howard to play. Howard said he likes it already after just a few seconds. Fred played some George Takei screaming clips while Howard listened.
Robin read a story about the new number 1 movie at the box office being ''Kingsman The Golden Circle.'' Robin said that it knocked the movie ''It'' out of the number 1 spot. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he can't get that song ''I'm Too Sexy'' out of his head. He said it's a song he can sing. He said it's in his key. Howard sang some of the song. Robin said he's right in tune. Howard said that's right. Howard had Fred play the song. He said he was almost nude singing this song on the channel 9 show. Howard sang it again and said that guy is awesome. He said he has to get that song out of his head. He was singing it at the gym yesterday. Howard kept singing the song.
Robin said his ''I'm too sexy'' line is creepy. Robin said the guy who sings it is creepy too. Howard said that's before the music kicks in. Howard told Fred to get rid of the song. He said save it for Cocktober.
Howard said today they have Joe Buck coming in and it's a great day for that. Howard said they can talk about the Trump and NFL thing. Howard said he's not sure why Trump is getting involved with it. Howard said a couple of black guys are taking a knee during the National Anthem and they're easy targets. Robin said Neo-Nazis apparently aren't easy targets. Howard said he feels like the whole country is going berserk. Robin said when you say you're not a racist you probably are. Robin said get that through your heads.
Howard said his current obsession is this Anthony Weiner story. He said this guy was married to a very attractive woman. He said her name is Huma Abedin. He was calling her Huber. Howard said he has to take his jacket off. He said he's overheated today. Robin said he's wearing very heavy clothing. He said he's really not. He said he's never outside but a woman asked if it was too heavy. Howard said he took a picture with Jerry Seinfeld yesterday and that's what he was wearing. He said he's rarely outside. He said he likes it outside but on a work day he's inside. Howard said he has 500 meetings for some reason. He said this woman was questioning him and he said he was fine. The woman was in a little sun dress. Howard said it's fall now and it's party over. He said he's not looking at the weather outside.
Howard said Anthony Weiner was a rising star and he could have been mayor. He said he has an addiction with sexting. Howard said if you're perverted and want to have sex he gets that. He said this is just texting though. He said there's not even a chance of a hand job. Howard said sexting isn't illegal but this guy Weiner was doing it with a 15 year old. Howard said once you go outside the state it's illegal. Robin said he shouldn't have been on there at all. Howard said now he has to go to prison for almost 2 years. Howard said he's not going to a country club kind of prison. He said he's going to a prison because it's a sex crime. Howard said they say he won't have a good time there. Robin said she was watching a movie preview and they have a white guy who goes to prison ad he ends up in the Aryan Nation.
Howard said Weiner is going to a tough prison and he blew up his whole life over texting. He said now he's a registered sex offender. Howard said it's the dumbest crime. Gary said when he gets out of prison he won't be able to take his kid to another kid's birthday party. Howard said he blew up his life for texting. He said he was crying yesterday and he'd be crying too. Howard said he knows guys who went to person for a year and they cracked. This guy is going for 2 years.
Howard said Robin was asking if he can get time off for good behavior. He has to serve 85 percent of his sentence. Howard said that's too much math for him to figure out. He said there's no recovery from this.
Howard said it's a shit storm. He said he was watching a show that JD found. It's an educational film for people to get through prison. Howard said they point out how you can avoid sexual assault in prison and things like that. Howard said they have this guy who gives lessons. Howard had some clips to play. The first clip was this guy talking about being raped at 17 years old in prison. He said he didn't last 24 hours before his drink was spiked and he was gang raped. Howard asked where the guards are during this. Robin asked there they got Thorazine to spike his drink. Howard said he's not sure why they had to drug him. He said it might be more of a challenge to not drug him.
Howard said play this clip in every school and there'd never be another crime. Howard played more of the clip of this guy talking about how to get through prison. Howard said he's wondering if there are guards or do they just give up. Robin said it's probably one guard per 50 inmates.
Howard said these prisoners tell you how to pick a work out partner so they won't rape you. Howard played that clip and the guy was talking about working out by himself. He said you need to choose a partner wisely. The guys were talking about how a predator will get in your personal space. Other guys will give you space. Howard said his balls must be swaying over your head.
Howard said what a fucking scene that is. Howard did an impression of the prisoners talking to each other.
Howard said this next clip will fuck your head up. He said it's the best ever. Howard said these are tips on how to stay safe in the shower. In the clip one guy says you have to shower with clothes on. Howard said the guards should be in there. Howard said the tip is essentially shower with your t-shirt and underwear on. Howard said you must open it up and let the water in. Howard said he wanted to do that in camp. He said he would turn toward the wall.
Howard played more audio of the guys talking about how to stay safe in the shower. They said never have a conversation in the shower and don't accept anything from other inmates. They said it's a sign of a predator trying to get too close.
Howard said you should glue your asshole shut too. Howard said shower in a suit of armor. He said it's like Game of Thrones in the shower. Howard said in the school in Roosevelt they closed the bathrooms down. Howard said he never went. He said he'd just hold it the whole day. He said he never went to the bathroom in school in all his years. He said even when he was moved to the white school he was able to hold it in. He said he can't do that now but he was able to back then.
Howard said he has more prison tips. He played another one where these guys said if you find a candy bar on your bed you don't take it. They said that you don't want to have to pay back the debt from that. Howard asked why even bother with that. He said just beat the shit out of the guy and shake him down. Robin said maybe they want them smooth and not lumpy. Howard said he's not sure what the idea is behind the candy bar. He said just tell the guy he owes you 10 grand. Howard said he used to have that happen to him in the hall at school. He said they'd ask him for his pants.
Howard said he has someone calling from prison on the phone. Howard took the call from the guys in the back who were doing the voice. The guy was in the shower and said he just got some soap from a prisoner. Then he got fucked in the ass.
Howard wondered how long you'd have to work off a candy bar. He said the guards must be overwhelmed with this stuff because there's so much going on. Howard said he has some guard clips to play too. He said this is from World's Most Dangerous Prisons. He said you have to be really tough to be a guard.
Howard played a clip where they talked about guards getting beaten up in San Quentin. Howard played another clip of a guard talking about how you never know what to expect at work. He said they shot darts at them. He said they threw urine and feces at them too.
Howard said Weiner was on his way in politics and then he screwed it all up. Howard said if he worked as a guard he'd come home smelling like doody and urine with dart holes in his head. Howard said his wife would say he must work in Penn Station cleaning toilets.
Howard played another clip where the announcer is talking about what they do in prison when they have time. The guy said they make weapons. They had a guard talking about a spear they made out of newspaper and some other things. The guy said they can use bones to make weapons so they no longer serve steak there.
Howard did his announcer voice and talked about making weapons out of shit and things like that. Robin said they'd rather have weapons rather than steak. Howard did his announcer voice and made up weapons they could make out of shoes and things like that. He had them making urine grenades and hair balls made into spears.
Howard said everything about that clip is great. He said the announcer is great. He said he'd love to see what that guy looks like. He said they used to have a super deep voice guy who worked with them and he looked 12. Howard said he was really good.
Howard kept going with the announcer voice making up weapons. He had them making taint juice bombs and stuff like that. He had him talking about making Agent Orange out of Kool-Aid. Howard was cracking himself up. He said that guy with the voice is great.
Howard said he thought for sure he'd never have a radio job. He said his voice never sounded like that announcer. Howard played more of the guy talking in that announcer voice. Howard wondered what he sounds like when he's just talking in regular life. Howard was doing his impression of the guy and made up more weapons. Howard had Fred playing sound effects to make farts into mustard gas. Howard had the prisoners talking about what they make and the announcer talking about how they have dingleberries that they light on fire. They were making atom bombs out of loose feces.
Howard said that's a little bit of the prison survival tape. Howard said he knows Anthony listens to the show so he's hoping he hears that. Robin said he doesn't have to go to prison right away. He got to go home. Gary said Ronnie said he goes in November. Howard said he has to go in on November 6. Howard said he wasn't even in the room with the girl. He was just writing to her. Robin said he was a home husband and he was home with the kids and sexting while they were there. Howard said he goes into prison in November and his next divorce court date is after he's in prison so he has to call into that. Howard said that's embarrassing.
Robin said that Huma forgave him for the other incidents. Howard said imagine the phone call for the divorce proceeding. Howard did the voices for Weiner and the judge in that call. Howard had Weiner getting fucked in the ass while he was on the phone.
Howard had Weiner talking to the judge and getting shot with a dart while getting hit with urine and feces too. Howard had the judge talking about how sorry he is for having to go through all of this.
Howard had Weiner talking about how he got a bag of Skittles on his pillow and he was charged $10,000 for those Skittles. The judge said he heard on the Howard Stern Show that if you do that then you're a prison bitch. Howard had Weiner making the judge a scarf out of armpit hair as a gift.
Howard had Weiner promising to only text 18 year olds and 17 year olds where it's legal. Howard had Weiner talking about how he has a 7 year blow job debt from eating the Skittles. Robin said his sentence is only 21 months though. Howard said he knows.
Howard said that's enough of that. He took a call from a guy who said he was in prison and he got out a while ago. He said there will be none of that stuff for Weiner. He said he'll probably end up being segregated from the rest of the population. He said that he'll be with other sex offenders and rats.
Howard asked what happened to the caller. The guy said he was wrapped up in a big case with the Mafia. He said he was the low man on the totem pole. He said he got 7 months. He said one guy who wore a wire was a child molester and the rest of them went to prison while he got off. The caller said they had some great food in there. He said they had a great spread for the Hassidic Jews there. Howard asked what they were doing in prison. The caller said they had health care fraud and stuff like that. He said a lot of them were in on the same case.
Howard asked the caller if he learned to speak Yiddish at all. The caller said he did. He learned a few things. Howard said that's a beautiful thing learning that stuff.
Howard let the caller go and said that's their prison report. Howard said he can't believe this guy threw away his whole life. Robin said it has to be an illness. Howard said of course it is. Robin said she thinks this guy is crazy. Howard said if course. He said if you commit a sex crime at least be with a person. He said this was just text. Robin said it's good he wasn't with this young person. Howard said of course.
Howard said George Takei is on the phone. He took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George impression talking about how he makes prison sound delectable. He was making water sounds and said that's the sound of his cum filled balls. He played ''I'm Too Sexy'' for Howard. He sang the song as George. Sour was joking about Brad and George and how they just finished off 3 hours ago but his balls are full again. Howard said he understands he dresses up as a Hassidim with Brad. Sour said yes and especially during the high holy days. Sour sang another song for Howard as George. He had Howard cracking up. Howard let him go and said that was awesome hearing from him so early in the morning.
Howard took a call from a guy named Pocket who said he thought the legal age of consent was 16. Howard said the girl was 15. Robin said that 15 is younger than 16. Pocket said he thought you had to have sex to make it illegal. Howard said it's over state lines and considered pornography. Pocket asked if she was sending pictures. Gary said he's sending in the expert Brent Hatley.
Brent came in and said that sending pornographic images over state lines and he kept talking about this stuff with a 15 year old. Howard asked if he can believe this guy. Brent said he can't. Howard said he's like their bald Perry Mason. Brent said when you watch the documentary he was winning to be the New York City Mayor. He said it's this weird compulsion that he has. He said it must overtake everything in his life. Brent said that they know where the line is and you know it's going to ruin your life. Howard said it's great that they were spared this stuff from their lives.
Pocket said at least he's home listening to the jail tips today. Howard said he knew a guy who used to go over and bang girls on stage in Japan. Brent said that was all legal. Howard said he knows. He went to break a short time later.
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Robin said there are now counselors who talk to you about what career to take. Robin said it's outside of the school system. Howard said he was taken to one of those as a kid. He said he was given hours of tests and he said he wanted to be on the radio and they said he didn't test well for that and he should be a speech therapist. Howard said he's not sure how they came up with that. Howard said he almost flunked science. He said they told him to apply to Elmira and he didn't know where that was. He said she told him it was in Elmira, New York. He said that it was an all girl's school until the year before this. Howard said he still couldn't have gotten laid going there. Howard said he wasn't going to go there. He said he'd fail at getting a woman as well as the speech therapy classes.
Howard said he used to go to ugly girl parties to get laid. He said his friends were all ugly too and they were bottom of the barrel kind of guys. Howard said they weren't even nerds. Howard said nerds have a life. Howard said they'd go to the parties and the chicks at the AZA parties were all chubby and a mess. Howard said he walked in and none of them would talk to him. He said they were a mess and they didn't want him. He said he'd sit in a corner and smoke. He said he didn't get one nibble.
Howard said picture a room full of Benjy in a dress. He said that you can't even score with those girls. Howard said he isn't sure how he tested so poorly for a radio guy. Robin said they probably don't even have that listed as a job.
Howard had the 17 year old kid on the phone. The kid said he has school and he had to get off the phone. Howard asked what business he wants to get into. The kid said that he's in a marching band and he didn't know if he should do something in music. Howard said he isn't going to get a job in a marching band. Howard asked what he plays. The kid said he plays the biggest bass drum they have. Howard said he has to learn to play like John Bonham. Howard said he needs a drum kit. The kid said he has one at home.
Howard said his dad told him this. He asked the kid if he's good in math. the kid said he is. Howard said if he becomes an actuary then he can make big money. Howard said that's supposedly a great job. He said you'll never be out of a job. Howard said IT security is another thing. Howard said he should do that. The kid said he's good at that too. Howard gave him some other suggestions and said he should be good if he picks one of those things.
The kid thanked Howard and the rest of the guys on the show. He was even thanking Ronnie for some reason. Howard wished the kid luck with his career. His name was Will. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said he has one of the AZA girls on the phone. She had a really deep voice. Howard asked why she wouldn't date him. She said he was vile and his hair looked like matted bush. She said he looked like a disgusting Jewish freak. She said her pussy threw up when she saw him. Robin asked about now. She said she's not into pelicans. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said that the median salary for an actuary is $109,000. He said that's the median.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a bone to pick with him. He asked if he really thinks Heidi wanted to bang him. Howard said he odes. The caller said he needs to know some facts there. He said even Ralph said he thought so too but Ralph likes fucking guys. Howard said first of all the guy wasn't there. Howard said he's just jealous. The caller said he's a good looking guy and he probably couldn't get her. Howard said he doesn't have a high profile job so of course not. Howard said she doesn't care about good looks. Howard said it's about his job.
Howard asked the caller if he thinks that any super model dates a regular guy. Howard said hey date high profile guys. Howard said that's what he's saying. The caller asked if Gary can get her on the phone. Howard said she's not going to admit it if she gets on the phone. He said it's embarrassing for her. Howard let him go after that.
Howard played a phony phone call the guys made using clips of him talking about how he hates button down fly. They called a clothing store and had Howard complaining about the button down fly. They had the guy on the phone for a couple of minutes talking about that. They played a song parody with Gary throat clearing clips after that. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said no one was allowed to use it back there yesterday. He said they wanted to keep it clean and nice for Hillary. Howard said she didn't end up using it. He said some of her staff did. Howard said he didn't okay that. Robin asked why they need a separate bathroom. Howard said exactly. He said he'll get the full report later.
Howard said there was some pee on the seat and they were afraid that the guys there used it and left pee on the seat. Howard said she was almost the President and now she has to ask to use his bathroom.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has made him laugh throughout the years but lately he has taken such a liberal stance on everything. Howard said he's wrong. The caller said everything is liberal lately. Howard said he's wrong. Howard said he's going to analyze this. He said he is liberal on a lot of social issues. He said that if he was a liberal then why was he for a lot of republican candidates. Howard said he was for Patacki, D'Amato, Giuliani and more. Howard said he's not sure where he'd get that he's a classic liberal. Howard said he has some liberal views. Howard said he's all for guns. The caller said he's talking about recently. The caller said he's not talking about the guns thing. Howard said he supported Arlen Spector and he's a huge fan of John McCain's.
Howard said he supports fairness and he thinks that people should all have health care. Howard said some ethnic groups deserve a break too so he's for that. Howard said he also jerked off to Sarah Palin. Howard said he'd fuck her silly. The caller said recently it seems like everything with the election and Trump being in office things with the show have gotten liberal. Howard said he thought Obama did a fabulous job. Howard said he was dignified and he was a unifier. He said he reacted on the international stage pretty well but he did disagree with him on some things. He said that he seemed like a reasonably good president. Howard said he got Bin Laden. He said Bush made a mess in Iraq and Obama tried to clean that up. Howard was getting worked up and told the guy to get off his phone. Howard said he's all about common sense. Howard said Obama signed the Paris Climate agreement and that was a no brainer. Howard said he has to get off the radio with people who challenge him.
Howard talked about what mess this world is and how the Paris Climate Agreement was a great thing. Howard said the hurricanes are just a taste of things to come. Hard said this isn't god punishing us for gay people. He said it's climate change. Robin said on 60 Minutes this week they had a segment about Hurricane Harvey and they talked about how they did all of this building in the flood plain and the antiquated reservoir systems hadn't been kept up in 40 years. Robin said they knew it was going to lead to major carnage. Robin said much of it was man made disaster.
Howard took a call from Chad from St. Louis who asked if he finds his staff tweeting about politics annoying. Howard said some of his guys think they know everything. He said they want to make their mark. Robin said they're setting their platform for their future endeavors. She asked if Brent is running for office. Howard said he doesn't know but Jason is the size of Rush Limbaugh so maybe he's trying to take his spot.
Chad asked if he worries about that stuff. Howard said he worries 24 hours a day but they have to live their lives. Howard said they all have their own lives and they build up their social media presence. Howard said Jason tweeted 14 hours ago about Trump. Howard said he's not sure why he's doing that. He said he doesn't know. Robin said that the President is criticized for tweeting about everything he says. Jason came in and said that Robin should talk because she's tweeting every 3 seconds with hashtags that don't make sense. Jason said that Trump is a piece of shit and he's not afraid to say it. He said he knows that some people are afraid to say how they really feel. Howard said he's talked about Trump. Jason said he's told him how he really feels. Howard kicked him out. Howard said he likes Jason but sometimes he's out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he's going to hate him for this but he disagrees with him about his gun views. Howard had to hang up on the guy because he was listening to his radio at the same time. Howard said if the Jews had been armed they could have fought the Nazis. He said good citizens have to protect themselves from the wolves out there. Howard said we need our weapons.
Howard said that he won't argue with a guy from Canada. He said he's glad we have them as our neighbors though. Howard said that he's glad they don't have a Kim Jong Un up there. Howard wondered how they're going to protect themselves up there though. Howard said it's a common sense thing. He said this is why it's a constitutional right here in this country. Howard said free speech is the same thing. Howard said don't pick on football players who want to protest. Howard asked who cares. He said let them take a knee. Robin said they have a right to do that. Howard said the Neo Nazis have a right to free speech but don't say they're right. Howard said he's not sure where the logic is with Trump.
Howard said that Rolling Stone listed his appearance as the third most outrageous moment on the VMAs. Howard said the other two were Madonna making out with Britney Spears and Kanye West taking the microphone from Taylor Swift.
Howard had some clips from when he announced he was making Fartman the movie on the Tonight Show. Howard said Robin was so proud of him. Howard said later that year he brought Fartman to the MTV awards. Howard said Luke Perry introduced him and he was introducing the best Hard Rock video and Metallica won. Howard said he was up there with his ass cheeks exposed. Howard had a clip of Luke Perry introducing Fartman. Howard came floating down from the ceiling as Fartman with farts blasting. Howard said Luke Perry turned down the chance to be in his movie Private Parts to reenact that role. He said that they had John Stamos do it instead.
Howard played another clip of him as Fartman talking about his ass and blowing apart the podium with his farts. Howard said MTV used to be so cool. He said the rock stars were all back stage. He said that was a live event and they had no idea what he was going to do. He said they must have been going crazy. Howard said Metallica was so annoyed up there. He said Lars put his foot into his asshole as he was being lifted up. Howard said that Luke Perry even grabbed his ass. Howard played a clip of Luke touching his ass.
Howard laughed as he played those clips. Howard said there was such shock afterward. Howard said Denis Leary and Cindy Crawford were interviewed after that. Denis liked it but Cindy wasn't impressed with his ass. Howard said that just wait a few years and her ass will look like that.
Howard said that he loved that. He said he's going to bring back Fartman and play a promo for ''Fartman: The Brown Knight Rises.'' Howard played a clip of the promo and said that Christopher Nolan will be directing. In the promo they had Ike Barinholtz playing a part as Fartman's apprentice. They had Rob Schneider playing villain Wet Wipe.
Howard asked what Robin thinks of that. Robin said she's so excited. Howard said how about Rob's performance in that. Robin said he's going to be a great villain. Howard said a complete nod to Ike Barinholtz too. Howard said the bidding begins. Howard said CBS just called and said they want it for CBS All Access. Howard said his anus prolapses in the clip. Robin said that means it just falls out. Howard said that's in the first scene. He said he can't go to the hospital with that so he has to find a doctor to work on it. Howard said you see his sphincter dragging on the ground. He said you feel for Fartman because he's given his life for this thing to protect the city. Howard said he gets no thank yous and no one cares. He said he's walking along and leaving a snail trail. He said his anus is dragging on the ground and it's a heartbreaking scene.
Howard said at one point he picks up his anus and throws it over his shoulder like a back pack. He said this s just in the first minute or two. Howard said then you see Rob Schneider as this maniac taking over the city. Howard said he has to train Ike Barinholtz and he shames him with the comment about his fart sounding like a queef. Howard said they're making a version in Imax 4D so they have the smells. He said they will throw actual feces at the audience. Howard said he has to take a break and get Joe Buck in there. Howard said he has to talk sports with Joe and he has no idea what he's talking about when it comes to sports. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Joe Buck is there. He said Joe is a big deal in sports. He said last time he was there it was very exciting. He said he looks good. Howard said that's most important. Joe said he's trying. Howard asked when they saw him last. Joe said it was the Monday before the last Super Bowl. Joe said it was great at the end of the game. He said it was a blow out. Joe said they were worried about the size of the audience and then the game broke out and they won. Howard said he knows zero about sports. Joe said he admires that about him. Howard said he has so much free time on the weekend because of that. Joe said that he'll have that soon too.
Howard asked Joe if he'll stop watching sports when he retires. Joe said yes. He said he'll be a firings fan though. He said this is how he grew up. He said he's been around in this life since he was born. He said he's been around since 1969. Joe said he can see a point where he doesn't know who won the World Series. Howard said he doesn't think that's possible. He said he's so engrained into it. Joe said he was watching a game the other night and he was broadcasting it in his brain. He said he'll move away from that eventually. He said he is a fan of the sport.
Howard said Joe has to follow everything. He said he has to know everything about what he's announcing. Joe said Howard must have the recurring nightmare of not being able to get to the stadium and then not seeing the field or not knowing anything and trying to fake your way through it. He said that's the play by play announcer's nightmare. He said it happens a lot. Howard said maybe he's successful because he's wound so tight. Joe said he feels like he does the right amount of work and the other guys do even more.
Joe said he and Larry David talked about how they get ready for a Super Bowl. Joe said that he doesn't read the clips or anything in the two weeks before. He said you drown in information. He said Larry told him he does the same thing. He said he won't get too focused on anything. Joe said the more he jams into his head the more he tries to get to it. He said he'd rather just let it fall and see where it goes.
Joe said all of those facts are about what's already happened. He said he's there for that game. Howard asked where he ran into Larry David. Joe said he was playing golf and he met him there. He was also at Erin Andrews' wedding. Howard asked what that was like. Joe said it was good because she married a hockey player. He said there were a lot of other hockey players there. Howard asked what Larry was doing there. Joe said he was there with a friend who was invited. He said you know what you see with Larry is what you get in real life. He said that Erin got married at a place on a mountaintop. He said he was in the row behind him. He said Larry was talking about dying of skin cancer being out in the sun without a sun block. He said he was waiting for that music from his show. He said then they go inside and he has blankets because it was so cold inside. He said it was great to watch him because he's such a great guy.
Howard asked who else was there. Joe said Troy Aikman was there too. Howard asked if the guy from Dancing with the Stars was there. Joe said he wasn't but there isn't a story there.
Howard asked if Larry danced. Joe said he didn't. He said he was trying to drink enough so he didn't feel like anyone was watching him. Howard asked if he dances. Joe said no. Howard asked if his wife makes him. Joe said no but she's happy if he just gets out and moves somehow. Joe said he asked if Larry was going to just watch him dance. Joe said Larry told him that he would.
Howard asked if he moves at all. Howard said he just moves and shakes his head. Joe said that he will move. He said he's self conscious in front of his wife because she can dance.
Howard said he cares and if he just gets up right away and gets it out of the way then they forget he's out there. Howard said they see he's not moving a lot. He said his wife can dance. Howard said he heard that his wife is there. He said he heard she's hot. Joe said he has nothing to promote so he brought his wife with him. Howard said he does want to find out more about his wife. He said he'll bring her in later. Joe said he uses those Ronnie's sex tips with her.
Howard said he admires this guy Ed Cunningham. Howard asked what he thinks about him. Joe said he doesn't know much about that. Howard said he took himself out of the NFL because of all of the concussions and stuff. Joe said he was an Ivy Leaguer. He said the concussion thing is frightening. Joe said that everyone is more aware of these guys getting their bell rung. He said they end up staggering off the field. He said he knows the NFL is taking it seriously and researching. He said they are looking for safer ways to play. Joe said they're going to have to make a breakthrough somewhere to make it stop.
Howard said they might end up like boxing. He said it's just not what it was. Joe said he thinks there's enough interest in it that it won't go the way of boxing but they may have said the same thing about boxing.
Howard asked Joe about the protesting in the NFL. Joe said they have to cover it. He said he's proud of what his network is doing. He said they could time it so they wouldn't show any of it. He said they'll go back and show it if they were in break. Howard asked if he gets a directive on how to handle it. Joe said he doesn't. He said there is so little time to talk about it. He said they're there to do call game.
Howard asked if Trump is nuts to have gotten involved. Joe said he likes what Bob Kraft said about it. He said it was the tone in which he said it. Joe said his wife said that you can't pass judgment unless you've walked in someone's shoes. Howard said it was about protesting police brutality. Joe said it's not a military thing and it's not about respecting the flag. Joe said he does an event every September to help the police but he doesn't know what an officer is thinking of him. He said Colin Kaepernick basically lost his career because of that. He said that he hasn't been a very effective quarterback either. He said that there are players protesting on every team now. He said some guys could get cut and 31 teams will have him. He said they're non violent protests and they want to address social inequality. He said they're playing the game after that. He said he is willing to sit there and watch it and then do the game.
Howard asked Joe what happened during the Giants game when the guy lifted his leg. Joe said he has gotten in a bunch of trouble for calling that stuff. Joe told Howard a story about Randy Moss scoring a touchdown and going to the crowd and fake shimming his pants and fake mooning them. He said he freaked out and said it was disgusting. Joe said he's now the prude in the box. He said they fined him $10,000. He said that it goes on after that. Joe said Odell Beckham did that lifting his leg like a dog peeing thing. He said he was watching it. Howard said it affects the game because they get a penalty for that. Joe said they showed it. He said no one saw it so they had to show it to show why he got the penalty. Howard said it's crazy. Joe said he got the penalty and he wasn't really remorseful. He said the coach eventually told him to stop it. He said in the end it didn't cost them anything.
Howard said last time Joe was there they learned a lot about him. Howard said he had a lot of people talking about the interview. Joe said that he has a lot of people talking about it too. Howard said last time he was there he talked about his dad and how he got addicted to hair plugs. Joe said that you can't just do one. He said you have to keep getting them. He said that's how they suck you in. Howard said Joe also lost his voice because of that. Joe said they put a tube down your throat and he lost his voice. Howard said that was an unbelievable story. Joe said he's not sure what would have happened to him if he had lost his voice. Howard said he likes that he put that in his book.
Joe said he does a show called Undeniable and he isn't saying that as a plug. Howard said it's starting its 4th season. Joe said they tape for 3 hours and edit it down to under an hour. Joe said you see a guy like Michael Phelps and he came out and talked about suicide. Joe talked about some of the stuff they talked about with Michael in the interview. He said no matter how high someone seems they can have that kind of depression that Michael talked about in the interview.
Howard asked who he has on this season. Joe said he has A-Rod on this season. Howard asked if he asked him about J-Lo. He said he wasn't dating her yet when he did this interview. He said he has been with them since and they seem to be really good together. Howard said he never has gotten along with her. Howard asked if A-Rod is a nice guy. Joe said he is.
Howard asked about why the Yankees can't get a team together. Joe said they are playing well this season. He said the Mets have so much talent but they all ended up getting injured. He said that the Yankees are fun to watch because they have a young team. Joe said that they took amphetamines out of the whole thing and that's working. He said the young guys are good for the first 6 years. Howard said he farm team system is the best. Joe said that's how the Mets got it to work back in the 80s. He said that you want to go with the young guys at the end of the season.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on with the Knicks. Joe said he doesn't get that either. He said that there are only 5 guys on the floor at once and he's not sure why they can't make it work.
Howard asked Joe if he drinks when he calls a game. Joe said he'll have a beer and sip it throughout the first few innings. He said that it's to remind himself to have fun.
Howard said Joe is impartial and he calls the game that way. Joe said that people think he hates teams but he really doesn't care.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel is betting on Dancing with the Stars. He asked Joe if he'd do that. Joe said that's not on his to do list.
Howard asked Joe what went wrong with this Sergio Dipp guy. Joe said he's not sure. He said they gave him a shot to call a game and it didn't work. He said he went back and did a YouTube apology and now he's a big star. Howard played a clip of Sergio Dipp out on the field just not doing a very good job. Howard asked what happens. He said he must have had some game plan. Joe said he thinks he just froze. He said if you miss a line then you don't remember where you're going. He said then it just gets worse. Howard asked if that's the end of his career. Joe said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks he got another gig at ESPN. Joe said you know when you screw up. He said that he knew.
Joe said he was doing a game in 2007 or 08. Joe said he was told he had something on his hair an it was a glob of something. He said he took his headset off and ran to the bathroom. It was just hair gel. He said he had to run back and get into it. Joe said that he was able to do that but that's the kind of thing they do. He said he can't watch that Dipp clip because he is affected by it. He said he might be able to make a come back.
Howard said he was thinking about Joe and how there are people who don't watch the game all the time. He asked if he has to dumb things down for the fans. Joe said you have to go back to the basics. He said he was thinking about making a mistake in the Super Bowl. He said that he said the wrong name. He said he got two texts when he did that. He said he checked the phone and he does that all the time. He said that he'll text during a game because he's that relaxed. Joe said he got the texts and he was told he sucks. He said within a minute he made the mistake. Joe said he got freaked out. Howard asked if he still thinks about that screw up. Joe said he does.
Howard asked Joe about screwing up a name of a player's girlfriend. Joe said he was handed the information from someone who did the research. He said that he was given the card and he went with it. It turned out that he had just broken up with the other girl and was dating this new girl for 5 days. Joe said he was corrected and he made a joke about it. He said he just has to take all of that.
Howard asked what Joe thinks about the Baba Booey stuff in golf. Joe said it's annoying but it kind of makes him smile. He said that he would love to be a part of it though. Joe said that you can't say anything because you just feed the frenzy. Joe said he doesn't do enough golf to worry about it.
Howard said look at them talking sports like real men. Howard said he has Mad Dog on the phone to talk to him. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing the Mad Dog Russo impression. Sour was talking about the National Anthem and stuff. Howard said that impression is amazing. Joe said it's great because it's not just the voice but it's about what he's saying. He said he knows what he's talking about and it's fantastic. Howard said he's living in his parent's house and he still has to be treated like a child. Joe said he could listen to that all day long. He said he would be so flattered if he could come up with anything.
Howard asked if Joe has ever had a caricature done. Joe said he has and they make your head so big. Howard said maybe that's how Chris feels about the impression.
Howard said last time Joe was there he did a play by play for JD eating breakfast. Howard replayed the clip when Joe did that.
Howard asked if he listens to a lot of sports radio. Joe said he doesn't. He said you have to have an opinion and it lasts like 30 seconds. He did an impression of what that sounds like. He said that it's irrelevant crap.
Howard asked Joe if he knew that guy Carton. Joe said he's been on that show. He said he used to rip him on the show. He said that Francesa rips him too. He said he gets it. He knows he'll be the target.
Howard asked what he thinks about Tony Romo filling in for Phil Simms. Joe said he's great. Joe said he likes Phil and he's a fan. He said he's still at CBS doing the pre-game show. Joe said what Tony has done is change the way the analysts look at the game. He explained how that works.
Howard asked Joe if Phil ever comes to him and complains. Joe said he never has. Howard asked if he's friends with Tony Romo. Joe said that he is. He said he was a fan of his and the way he played.
Howard said he wants to meet Joe's wife. He said she was a Denver Broncos cheerleader. Howard said her name is Michelle. Howard asked how hard it is to be a cheerleader. Michelle said it's hard. She said people think it's easy. She said she did some gymnastics as a kid. She said it wasn't a lot though. Howard asked if she was prom queen. She said she was Winterfest Queen. Joe said he was a fat kid and he ended up with the Winterfest Queen. Howard said that's great.
Howard asked Michelle if she was the head cheerleader in high school. Michelle said she was. Joe said they wear chaps on the Broncos and she still has them. She said she has worn them once for him. She said that she did a floor routine for him. Howard asked how he got her. Joe said he stalked her. He said he saw her at the NFL network and she was really good on the air.
Howard asked if she was a cheerleader in college. Michelle said she went right to he Broncos and didn't go to college. She told Howard how you have to learn football so you know how the game is played. She said it's basic stuff. Howard said he's sure he wouldn't know. Howard did know a touchdown is 6 points. Howard said he could be a cheerleader.
Howard asked if her parents wanted her to do more than that. Michelle said not at all. She said it was a respectable thing to do. She said she was there in 1998 and they were the highest paid cheerleaders and she was paid $150 a game. She said it was a perfect marriage of loving what she odes and loving football.
Joe asked Michelle what she was doing to support herself. Michelle said she was doing other jobs. Howard asked if players were hitting on her left and right. Michelle said no. Howard said that has to be a yes. Joe thought so too. Howard asked if she ever dated a player. Michelle said she did not. Howard asked why she's smiling like that. She said it's because Howard is adorably handsome. Howard said it must be the hair.
Howard asked if she still knows the dances. Michelle said she does. She will annoy Joe with them. She said that she hears a song like ZZ Top's ''La Grange'' and she'll get into it. Howard asked if they ever kick someone off for getting too heavy. Michelle said she's sure they have. Fred played ''La Grange'' for Michelle. Howard ended up dancing.
Howard asked what happens when they all come out and their routine is off. Michelle said they have a assistant director there to keep them in line. She said that NFL cheerleaders work their asses off.
Howard asked if she ever saw other girls dating players. Michelle said they had strict rules about not dating players. She said that she wouldn't tell anyone if she did see that going on.
Howard asked more about how Joe and Michelle met. Michelle said she was doing a broadcast for the NFL Network. Howard said when he was on America's Got Talent he thought that the people were tuning in to see titty shots. He asked if she would wear revealing stuff. Michelle said she didn't really. Howard said she is like the Tom Brady of Cheerleaders. She said that's what they call her.
Howard asked about Joe seeing Michelle and how he closed the deal. Michelle said she was in a relationship at the time. Howard said he heard Joe said ''That's dumb'' when he was told she was seeing someone. Joe said he forced his way into line behind her. He said he was finding out more about her and he wanted to know what kind of person she was. Howard asked who the guy was. Joe said that was fading. Howard asked if it was Sergio Dipp. She laughed. Howard asked if she feels bad for that guy. Michelle said of course she does.
Howard asked Michelle if she had to get rid of that guy because Joe was interested. Michelle said that he was an actor. Howard said that's interesting. Howard asked if it was George Clooney. Joe said it was George Takei. Howard asked who it was. Michelle said he's a good guy. Joe said that Rich Eisen talks to her and tells her about him wanting her number. Michelle said that Rich knew her boyfriend and he called and asked what was going on. She said she was asked if she wanted this number. Michelle said she asked if it was a bunch of different guys and said please don't say it's Joe Buck. Michelle said she had never met Joe before. She said she had heard good things about him but there was a commercial he did and there was something about it that turned her off to him.
Howard asked what happened after that. Joe said he saw her at a game they were both assigned to. Joe said that he asked her to come to dinner with a bunch of people. Joe said she was staying at the Hilton and she wasn't on their guest list. He said she gave him the wrong hotel intentionally. He said she was still in a relationship so he kind of likes that. Howard said that other guy didn't stand a chance.
Howard asked Michelle how she broke it off with the other guy. Michelle said she thinks he found out that she was seeing Joe. Joe said they were together for 4 years. Howard asked if she looks him up on the internet. Michelle said she does. She said she heard he's living in New York now.
Joe said that he took Michelle out and overwhelmed her with his life in the first 10 minutes. He said it was an instant thing with her. Howard asked if they had sex that first night. Michelle said no. Howard asked if Joe was a good lover right away. Joe said that this is really happening. Joe said he had just climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro with his daughter and he was on all kinds of medication. He said that he was all drugged up so it was just off. Joe said he's not saying he couldn't perform. Michelle said she just left after that. Howard said he can't tell you how many women he's given a bad experience to. Joe said he loved their interaction so much. He said that he was so whacked out with everything. Michelle said it just happened when it shouldn't have. Joe said that they met and went to see a movie. He said he fell asleep in the movie. Joe said that they made love another time and it was great. He said it's been great ever since.
Howard thanked Michelle for giving Joe another chance. Howard said he's impressed he climbed that mountain. Joe said that he was too. He said he did that with his 16 year old daughter.
Howard said that Joe's penis is on the phone. He picked up and penis said that he wasn't hard that night and Joe is lying. Joe said he didn't know his penis had such good broadcast skills. Howard gave Joe some plugs and wrapped up with the two of them. Howard
Howard said took a call from Sour Shoes as Mad Dog and thanked him for calling in. Sour broke right into George Takei and did both voices for Howard for a short time. He was playing music and even did a Joe Buck impression.
Howard asked if George is going to wrestle Mad Dog. Sour did the two vices and then went into his Mike Francesa. Howard said that's enough of that and hung up on him.
Howard said he took some pictures with Joe's wife. He said she's a lovely woman. Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a song parody.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was talking about Megyn Kelly tanking with her new show. Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about. Robin said she has made her debut on NBC last night and she's getting panned by some reviewers. Howard said he said that it was a bit of a stumble when she left FOX. Howard said she was quite good at her job over there at FOX. Howard said he did tune into her new show and he had to turn it off. He said she kept explaining what her show is going to be about and it was a lot of that. He said that she announced it was a politics free zone. Howard said if a comedian does that at a comedy show it's not something you want to see. Howard said if he was an executive he'd have her talking about politics. Howard said she did that a little bit but then she got into other things. Howard said she's not good in front of an audience. He said she's terrific at this biting commentary. He said she's good like Bill O'Reilly was good at it.
Howard said it was almost like she was saying she was embarrassed about what she did at FOX. Howard said she was very good at it so embrace it. Howard said the critics are being very harsh on her. Howard said first shows are often very hard to do. Howard said Megyn came out in jeans and she used to wear dresses. Howard said she was covering up and not being sexy like she used to be. Robin said it was very strange. Gary said that they said the outfit is saying she's just like everyone watching. Howard said that's not why he's going to watch. She's not like everyone else.
Howard said that they've had people like Conan and Stephen Colbert being written off but they went on to do fine. He said Colbert is number one in late night. Howard said they could be wrong about Megyn Kelly. Howard said he's not sure why they have to make this grand statement about not doing the show like they think she's going to.
Howard said Colbert said he was a different guy when he moved to late night. He went back to doing what he did on Comedy Central and now he's number 1. Howard said he comments because he tries to help.
Robin started her news talking about Rosh Hashanah this year. Robin asked about when the first night to rush home is. Howard said he doesn't know. He said Lenny Dykstra recorded a message for Robin for that. Howard played the clip and Lenny was asking if she's going to let him eat that pussy for the new year. He also said he will wear a yarmulke but not a condom. Lenny ended it with ''Happy Rosh Hashanah ... whatever that means.''
Robin read a story about Kathy Griffin and her neighbor battling. Robin had tape of her neighbor yelling at her boyfriend for calling the cops on him and his granddaughter for making noise. Howard said that guy is the head of some big home company. Howard did an impression of the guy yelling. Robin said Kathy Griffin has filed for a restraining order. She claims that he has thrown trash in her yard and blared music at her house. Howard kept doing the impression of the guy yelling at her. Robin said they say Kathy has called the police on the neighbors 5 times. Robin said the neighbor says that they should adapt to the noise if they don't like it. Howard stayed in character doing the voice of the yelling neighbor. Robin was talking to him as if he was the guy. Robin said that the restraining order says the guy has to stay 100 yards from Kathy. Howard said the impression does sound like that guy. Howard played the clip of the guy yelling at Kathy's boyfriend again. Howard said he could do that voice all day.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump and how they've dug up another clip from their show. Robin said they have been looking over 15 hours of material from the show. Robin said one of the tings they're making a big deal about is Trump being asked if he has groped Melania in public. Robin had a clip of Trump talking about Melania going out with no panties. Trump said they get along very well. He said he's very well behaved. Howard asked what he said that was wrong. Howard said he's the one who was being inappropriate, not Trump. Robin said Ivanka and Don Jr. were on the show and he asked if they had problems with Tiffany. Robin said they say that they tried to bump her out of her inheritance. Robin had another clip of Howard talking to Trump about his kids and the inheritance. Robin said they are reporting that this happened but that's not what he said in the clip. Robin said the headline doesn't match the tape. Howard said he'd never give a clip to the news so that's why the audio was so bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that impression he was doing is awful. Howard said that's some accent the caller has. Howard said the guy hung up. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said she found herself in a Wendy Williams moment. Robin said that in Page Six Wendy is denying that her husband is having an affair with a massage therapist. Robin said Wendy has denied that it's happening. Robin said they know Wendy and her husband. Robin said she hopes everything is okay there.
Robin read a story about Oprah making her big debut on 60 Minutes this weekend. Robin had some audio from the show where they said she's a special contributing correspondent. They spent a couple of minutes talking about Oprah on 60 Minutes. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Prince Harry being in Canada and showing up with his girlfriend. Robin said everyone is making a big deal out of it because he's dating an American actress. Howard said he's jealous of that kid. He said he gets tons of money and he dates hot chicks. Howard said it's pretty awesome. Robin said it's like being handed a golden ticket. Howard said if you're going to be jealous of something that's it. Howard spent a few minutes talking about Harry and the Nazi outfit he wore for Halloween one year. Howard said he had to go into the military after that. Robin said they all serve in the military. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Lawrence O'Donnell having a meltdown on MSNBC. Robin had Howard play a clip of him getting upset about someone asking for a Labor Day rundown in his ear. Howard said he loses it a lot too. He said that he was just having a bad day. Howard played another clip of Lawrence freaking out about someone hammering. He was yelling about it and telling them to make them stop it. Howard said it came out later that they were putting up a sex swing in Rachel Maddow's office. He said that's a joke of course.
Robin read a story about how a woman made it through Marine training. Robin had some details about that. Fred did his Caitlyn Jenner voice for the woman who passed the training. Howard talked to him in that voice for a short time.
Robin read a story about a skydiver who was fired for telling a client that he's gay. Robin said that the courts are going to be deciding if firing him over that is discrimination. Fred was doing his Caitlyn Jenner voice after that.
Robin read a story about how North Korea is saying that Trump has declared war on their country over Twitter. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin said that the White House is saying that he has not declared war.
Robin read a story about the NBA getting into the debate about players protesting. Robin had some audio of someone talking about Trump. Howard said this all exhausts him. He said everything is a mess. Robin had more clips of people commenting on Trump.
Robin read a story about a group of people putting up a billboard asking for Trump's impeachment. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Trump supporting something called STEM and she had some audio of Trump talking to kids about that.
Robin read a story about a guy who thought the world was ending this month but he's changing his story. Robin said now he's saying that someone misunderstood his calculations and now it's October 21st. Robin said just enjoy this month. Howard said we have a couple of days. He said they have Cocktober happening.
Robin said a baby was hit in the head by a baseball at Yankee stadium. Robin said the child could be released today from the hospital. Robin had some audio of the player who hit the ball talking about that.
Robin read a story about Puerto Rico and what Trump has been saying about what's going on down there.
Robin read a story about Sterling K. Brown being on with Stephen Colbert last night. He was the guy who was played off on the Emmys this year. Robin had some audio of him being played off. Robin had some audio of him talking about that with Colbert. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show doing his Goldust impression. Fred played some old Goldust audio drops as well. Howard said they have a big show this morning. He said it's cutting edge radio. Robin said it's the future. Howard asked if cousin Brucie is still around because he hasn't seen him in the halls there lately. Robin said she thinks he's still around. Howard did his impression of Brucie doing his ''Eeee!'' thing.
Howard said he got into bed early last night. He said Beth was out with a friend. He said he's prepared for today's show. He said he watched some Ray Donovan. He said at the end of Ray Donovan there was a very dramatic scene. He said then a good song came up. He said they went to black on the screen and it was ''Pictures of Matchstick Men'' from Status Quo. Howard said he couldn't remember the name of the song but they had someone doing a cover of it. Howard said you see Liev Screiber and you hear the song in the background. Howard said it was very dramatic. He said that was interesting. Howard said it was good. He said the guy who does the cover is Camper Van Beethoven. He listened to some of the song and then said that's the name of the band, not a guy. Howard said it's a good version of the song. Robin said she remembers thinking about the song at the end of the show but couldn't remember it. Robin said she saw it a couple of days ago.
Howard said the show was very dramatic at the end. He said it's hard to make this song cool with a violin but this is cool. Howard said he feels bad for rock stars these days. He said there's nothing happening. He said it used to be cool but not so much now. Howard said this part of the song kind of sucks.
Howard said he has to give a shout out to Mike Judge because he has a new cartoon series. Howard said he had Tivo'd this series on Cinemax called Tales for the Tour Bus. Howard said it's about a half hour. He said they have guys tell stories and this one was about Johnny Paycheck. He said it's a documentary in cartoon form. He said it's just fucking great. He said that guy is so brilliant. He said Beavis and Butt-Head was so great and original. He said he could never top that but this is just as original. He said it's so great. He said at the end he flashes between the real people and the cartoon and it's so good. He just wanted to give Mike a shout out about that.
Howard said they're going to do Jerry Lee Lewis this season too. Howard said Mike made the keen observation that Johnny Paycheck sold like 10 million albums and so did NWA. Howard said they came out with rules about records based on NWA and Mike pointed out that Johnny was breaking into cars and doing stuff that people should have been afraid of. Howard said it's crazy. Howard said it's a cool show.
Howard asked JD if he did something wrong to get sick. JD said he just has a runny nose. He said he feels fine otherwise. Howard said he's doing something wrong. JD said he does a lot of things wrong. Howard asked if he gets sleep. JD said he gets 7 hours. Howard said that should be enough.
Howard asked JD if he's worried about his wedding. JD said just a little. JD said his sleep isn't very good when he does sleep. He said that he worries about being late for work. Howard said he should have 3 alarm clocks. JD said one has been enough so far.
Howard said his mother used to get mad at him if he got sick. He said he'd confess to her and she'd get mad at him like he did something to her. Howard did his impression of his mom and had a conversation with her telling her that he got sick. His mother would tell him he was doing something wrong or he's doing too much. She told him he has to get his deep rest.
Robin asked if his mother knew he smoked weed. Howard said she doesn't believe it. Howard said she heard him talking about it on the air and she didn't believe the story. Howard did an impression of his mom and dad talking about his drinking in college. He said they didn't believe that either. Howard said his dad offered him something to drink once and he didn't take it. He said he passed out from drinking in college once. They didn't believe it. Howard said his dad said that he wanted him to take some Schnapps and he turned it down so to them it means he doesn't drink.
Howard said his parents never drank. He said they just kept the bottles in their cabinet. Howard did his impression of his mother laughing at him. He said she had this ''sardonic'' laugh. He said he's going with that even though he doesn't know what it means. Howard said they have told that story to Beth. He said it's nothing and it's stupid. Howard told the story again as his mom and dad.
Howard said people ask why he's so successful. He said he had to get out and he had no choice. Howard said kids these days like it at home because it's fun. Howard got the definition of sardonic and said he used it correctly.
Howard did his impressions of his parents talking about the drinking thing again. He had his mother laughing at him claiming that he drank. Howard said he doesn't know what they're talking about. Robin said it's good they found each other. They understand each other.
Howard said he sent his mom a car to take her into the city last week. He said the car showed up 20 minutes late. Robin asked why the car shows up late all the time. Howard said it isn't. He said it happened once. He said it was 20 minutes. He said they canceled their trip because of the 20 minutes.
Howard said he was leaving work the other day and out in the lobby there's something going on. He said they have the fish bowl out there and it's a big glass studio. He said they have different events out there. He said he really likes it because when they were at K-Rock the station was a shithole. He said the owners were proud of it because they showed how much money they could save.
Howard said he went out yesterday and saw a group of people and it was the guy Robin likes, Benedict Cumberbatch. Howard said he turned to his right and tries to act like he's bigger than that. Howard said he hopes the people are looking at him instead. Howard said he said to Ronnie that he wishes she'd see Benedict out there. Howard said it turned out it was the guy from Will and Grace. Howard said t was Eric McCormack. He said they look kind of alike. Robin said maybe a little resemblance there.
Howard said he didn't even know who it was. Gary said it was the entire cast of the show. Howard said Megan Mullally was almost Elaine on Seinfeld. Howard said they get Will and Grace back on the air but not Seinfeld. Howard said that's the show where the guy is gay and she's his roommate. Howard said that's kind of played out. He said it was cutting edge 20 years ago. Robin said the world couldn't get along and they needed Will and Grace back. Howard said they should have had Will transitioning. Howard said that would have been edgy.
Howard played the call where Howard called Wendy and told her he's broke. Howard said he lost it on scratch off tickets. Wendy said she has nothing and her mom didn't give her anything. Howard said he's hungry and he can wait if she doesn't have the money now. Wendy said she has to wait for the money for herself. Howard said he gave her money in the past. Wendy said she had to do what she had to do so he has to do what he has to do. Howard asked what her bus fare is. Howard asked if she can give him a dollar 85. Wendy said she has no money now. Howard asked her to skip one doctor bill and give him money. She hung up on him.
Howard said he's changing her name to Wendy the Tightwad Slow Adult. Howard said imagine she wouldn't give him one food stamp. Robin said she has told him to be tough with her. Howard said he's not giving her anymore money.
Howard said suddenly she wasn't so retarded. Howard said he has to take a break here. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said Scott the Engineer posted the weirdest thing too. He said he reposted something he didn't even come up with. Howard said it was this long thing where he asks his friends to show how they're connected. Howard read the post and it's a chain letter kind of thing where they ask people to repost it with friends. Howard said Scott's like Oprah now on Facebook. Howard said by now he had stopped reading it. Howard said he wants him to read this and post a word about how they met. Howard asked Robin how she'd respond. Robin said ''Work.'' Howard said ''Smoke'' is a good one. Howard said Scott is just reposting this. He said he wants people to interact with him. He said it's a social experiment.
Howard said Scott wants to know how you met and it's just work. Howard said it says don't copy the text but post a word. Howard said this is more work than Scott does for him.
Howard said Gary posted ''Work'' on there. Howard asked how that's fun. Howard said it ruins the fun if you don't do it. Howard said it's just some other asshole who wrote this thing. Howard asked what he's doing. Gary asked if he wants him to come down. He said he can be there in 20 minutes. Howard said this is the most effort he ever put into anything.
Howard asked Gary if he reposted that message on his thing. Gary said he lives to not do those things. He said he never reposts those things. Howard said he ruined his fun then. Howard said Scott wasn't able to post on that thing like Gary posted on his. Gary said he's not going to do that. Howard said 30 people responded on there. Robin said some of those things say that you're not sending the love back if you don't copy and paste it. Howard said he knows a girl from camp who does that. He said he's not reading that stuff.
Gary said there are threats of getting bad luck from not sharing it. Scott showed up and said he just reposted something that a friend posted. Howard asked why he would do that. Howard asked if he gives a fuck about how he met someone. Howard said he's just annoying people. Howard said he's giving people work to do. Scott said just ignore it.
Howard said he's fascinated by the guys who work for him and then they post this. Howard said it's so dumb. He said it's a chain letter. Howard asked Scott what he posted for his friend. Scott said it was ''Playground.'' He said it's a friend if his. Howard said he took it and posted it on his thing. Scott said that's it. Howard asked if he read the posts. Scott said he read some. Howard said he's supposed to post it on his wall after that. Scott said he didn't do that. He said it's just a goof.
Howard said this fucking guy finally posts and that's what he posts. Howard said he's asking him to do something. Robin said he wasted his time. Howard said it's Scott and Benjy.
Howard said Benjy is so bad at broadcasting. Howard said he's been working there for 20 years and he can't do a live broadcast. Howard said he's not so funny. He thought he was funny. He said he was until he watched him on Facebook.
Howard said Scott posted that at 11:53 on a Friday morning. Howard asked if he's working. Scott said it was after work. Howard said it's during work. Scott said it's research. Howard said he got caught. Scott said he didn't get caught. Howard said he did get caught because he was at work. Scott just said ''Okay.''
Howard did his impression of Scott and goofed on him with Fred. Howard took a call from a guy who said once again these guys don't realize what he's trying to do. He said Howard is trying to prepare them for how to do things. Howard said he couldn't be more right. Howard said he's never checked his social media while he's working. Howard said he never fucked off when he was working either. Howard said he did the job he was supposed to do while he was at work. Howard said he would never be caught doing social media while he was working. Benjy said he was just never caught. Howard said he never did it. He said he would never do it.
Benjy went off on Howard about complaining about his videos. Howard asked Benjy why he's not on Facebook during the show. Benjy said Howard might take a breath and do something else. He said everyone might do that at work. He said it's kind of silly to do it on Facebook. Howard said he's done with these guys. Scott told Benjy to take a knee. Howard said he's so funny.
Benjy told Howard to come out and do a live broadcast if he thinks his is so bad. Howard laughed. Howard said he has climbed everything in radio and he has to prove to him that he can do a live broadcast? Howard said he's beat some of the best professionals in the country and now Benjy is challenging him. Howard asked why he would do that. Benjy said he said he'd be good at it. Howard said he said that Benjy is just bad at it. Howard said goodbye to both of them. Benjy said he can't argue with that. Howard said he's right. He said all of a sudden he likes Scott.
Howard said thank you to Benjy and told him he's the best. Howard said he is a humble observant of Benjy's. He said he could not go out and do what Benjy does. Benjy was still arguing. Howard said thank you again. He said he's stuck in a Blotchnado. Benjy said his skin is better than his today. Howard said he seems to be holding Benjy back from doing what he really wants to do. He told him to get out. They played him out with a song parody.
Gary said the guys out there were stunned because Benjy looked him right in the eye and said ''fuck you'' to Howard. Howard said that's what he does now. The caller said he thinks Benjy is obtuse. He said it's disrespectful to look at him and say fuck you. He said that's just not right. Howard said the reason Benjy has anyone watching his live show is because of this show. Howard said Benjy did a Periscope on Monday night and Benjy was talking about how Chuck Todd looks better lately. That was his premise. Howard had some audio of him doing that. Howard said that he clearly can't do better than this. Howard played the clip and Benjy was talking about Chuck Todd and how he used to be so odd looking and now he's a handsome guy. Benjy was out on the street with cars driving by as he was talking about this. Howard said Benjy found out that Chuck Todd is Jewish and he gets excited about it. Howard played more of that clip with Benjy talking about that.
Howard said this goes on and on. Robin said the other people he was talking to had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Benjy didn't hear a word Howard said the other day. He said that he needs to edit. Howard said he told Benjy on the air that people are broadcasting on Twitter and they edit their video. Howard said Kevin Nealon is doing that. Howard said he could do so much better if he edited his video. Howard said he thought Benjy accepted his criticism but he didn't. Ralph said he told him he wouldn't.
Robin said Benjy said he would do it and block the video so they wouldn't see it. Howard said he was doing this video just hours after he talked to him about it. Howard asked if it's possible that he might know something. Ralph said Howard has done so many hours of live broadcasting. He said this is tarnishing Benjy by doing this. He asked who would listen to this and want to hire him. He said he can't help this guy.
Ralph said Wendy should change her name to Wendy the C-word. He said that clip earlier was really bad. Howard said he's shocked Ralph is up this early. Howard played another song parody about Benjy. Howard said he likes that one. They had some great lyrics about his face.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has been listening to Benjy for years and he comes in and doesn't appreciate Howard. He said if his employees did that to him he'd have them black listed. Howard said this is a show where he does this on the air and Benjy attacks back. He said if he listened to him he thinks that he'd do better. He said he thinks some of what Benjy does is theatrical. The caller said he would starve if he got fired. Howard said it's a different story when he speaks to Benjy privately. He said the problem is that he doesn't talk to him that much. Robin said Benjy just likes it there. He's not holding him back.
Benjy came back in and said when he speaks to him privately he's not making fun of the way his face looks and stuff like that. He said he does respect him very much. Howard said he's going to tell him in the tone he does off the air to go and create his stuff on his own but this is nonsense. Benjy said he did block the video after he finished it. Howard asked if he can be out of this and done with him now. Howard said he has to move on to the caller. Benjy asked why he's so angry with him. Howard said he's not, he's just done with this. He played another song parody about Benjy cursing ''Fuck you'' to him. Robin said they need a seat that dumps people when he's done with them. Howard had a sound clip of what a catapult would sound like if he shot Benjy out of there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he can support the NFL players. He said it's disrespectful to the men and women of the military. Howard said it has nothing to do with the military. Howard said it has to do with nonsense. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck what one of those players do. He said that the bigger picture is this. He said there are a lot of problems in the world. Howard said he would never ever not salute this flag. He said that yesterday. Howard said men and women gave their lives to defeat Nazis and defeat real evil in this world. Howard said this is the country that gave him his freedoms. He said he would never use the flag to make a point but that's just him. He said if some guy in the NFL wants to get on one knee during the National Anthem he doesn't care. He said it's a football game. Howard said he's not going to get worked up.
Howard said the President of the United States said there were some good people there on the Neo-Nazi side and then he starts disrespecting the black guys who are upset about police issues. Howard said this is chicken shit and he has no reason to pick a fight. He said it's all nonsense. Howard said in Puerto Rico they're starving and have no power. Howard said there are many problems in the ghetto and there are issues to protest. Howard said taking a knee doesn't mean jack shit but let the guy take a fucking knee. Howard said football players are morons for the most part. Howard asked the caller if he played football. He said he did. Howard said there are many who aren't great thinkers.
Brent came in and said that he was in the military and he's not offended by this. Robin said she was too and she's not offended. Howard said they never said they were anti-military. He said it's about police brutality. The caller said their timing is all wrong. Robin said there is no such thing as the right timing. The caller said they could do it on their own time. Howard said we're not even sure what it means to take a knee. He said he claims it's to protest police brutality. Howard said he's not analyzing it. Brent said you can do whatever you want during the National Anthem. Robin said if they didn't put a camera on them then no one would even know what they're doing.
Howard said it's curious that it's black guys that he's coming out against. Howard said it's just creepy. Howard thanked Brent for coming in. He let him go after that.
Howard said he has to talk about Ronnie's new thing. He said he's evaluating celebrities. Howard said it's the greatest thing you'll ever hear. He said he'll get to that after a break. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said on his phone he has Wolfie and Mick the Nerd. He said he will get to Ronnie later. Howard picked up on Wolfie and then Mick. He asked what Mick has been up to. Mick is still living at home and helping out around the house. Mick said he'd like to have his own place but he can't afford it right now. Howard asked if he jerks off a lot. Mick said it's probably average. Howard asked how much that is. Mick said one to two times a day. Howard said that's not a lot.
Howard said they were talking about how getting a woman might be helpful to Mick. He asked what he jerks off to. Mick said it's whatever he's fantasizing about. He said it could be anything really. Howard said YouPorn is what he uses. Mick said he uses erotica sites. He said it feels weird looking at live action porn. Howard said he never has a minute of regret while he's on YouPorn. He asked if Mick went on there and didn't like it. Mick said he used to look at bootleg porn sites. He said sometimes the girls aren't into it and that's his fear with it. Howard asked if he thinks they're being exploited. Mick said that's it. He said there is porn where they're not into it and he hates rolling the dice. Howard said it's weird that he never thinks about the women being exploited. He said Mick might be more evolved than him.
Howard asked Mick how old he is. Mick said he's 27 this week. Howard asked if he has ever shot his own load into his beard. Mick said it doesn't go that far. Howard said when he was 27 he could hit anything with his load. Mick said he never practiced aiming. Howard said his load is weak now. Howard asked if he uses a tissue. Mick said he does. Howard said he was like a sniper at his age. He said his load was deadly.
Howard asked what an erotica site is. Mick said it's good porn artists who know how to draw a vagina. Howard asked what site he would go to. Mick said the best is SlipShine or OrgyMania.net. Howard said they're cartoon vaginas. Mick said they have straight and gay stuff there. Howard said most people who draw vaginas have never seen a real one. Howard asked if Mick has ever seen one in real life. Mick said no.
Howard asked what story line he's into. Mick said he thinks two people alone in an office is hot. He said they have sex and that sort of thing. Howard said he's never looked at that. Wolfie said Mick has never worked in an office to have that. Howard said that never happens in an office. Mick said that's the fantasy.
Howard said he's on this SlipShine site. He was looking at the stuff and said that's not his thing.
Robin asked if Mick watches any of the gay stuff. Mick said he's not into that. He said he respects people who are. Howard asked if he ever looks at the male asshole or anything. Mick said he doesn't get that far into it. Howard asked if the guys in the porn have ridiculously long penises. Mick said it's realistic stuff for the most part.
Howard asked if Mick ever thinks about what a vagina would feel like. Mick said he does and he thinks it would be warm. Howard said what women have between their legs... there's nothing better. Howard said he can put a rubber on his penis and it still feels too good. Howard said that's something.
Robin asked Mick if thinks he'd be good at it. Mick said he doesn't think so. Howard said he wouldn't be the first time. Howard said as soon as you cum from jerking off you just go back to doing whatever you were doing. Mick said pretty much.
Howard asked Mick what position he'd want to bang a woman in. Mick said Missionary and then Doggy. Howard said that's the way to do it. He said that's his thing. Howard asked if he would go down on her. Mick said of course. Howard said he has it all figured out. Mick said if he did he wouldn't be living in his parent's house.
Howard asked who he can think of who is really attractive to him. Mick thought about it and Howard suggested Gal Gadot. Howard said he hasn't seen that yet. Mick said it's good. Howard said he might have to watch that over the weekend. Mick said he likes some of the modern DC comics movies. Howard said he thought he knew his stuff but Mick makes him look like an idiot. Howard said Mick is like a Ninja when it comes to comic books.
Robin asked if he could be interested in a girl if she's not into comics. Howard said he's going to say that's a negative.
Gary came in and said he's looking at the site Mick mentioned and there are comics of aliens fucking women. Howard asked if he looks at that. Mick said he does. Howard said he couldn't jerk off to this stuff.
Howard asked Mick if the women are shaved or unshaved in the cartoons. Mick said it varies. Howard also asked about a fat chick in one picture. Mick said that it's all inclusive. Howard said he would just leave the pubic hair out if he was an artist. Robin said Howard will never be able to draw a vagina.
Howard said they sent Mick the Nerd to a comic convention speed dating thing. Howard said that they sent Wolfie along with him because he's a nerd whisperer. Howard said he's kind of a nerd himself. Robin said Wolfie may not be too far from Mick. Howard said he's just less socially awkward.
Howard asked if Wolfie can keep up with Mick. Wolfie said he can't keep up. Howard asked Wolfie what he reads. Wolfie said he likes the main characters like Spider-Man and Batman. He said Mick gets into all kinds of stuff like Japanese stuff. Howard said that's where Mick loses these women. He said they get freaked out by his knowledge. Wolfie said they can't keep up with him and they get freaked out.
Howard said Wolfie met Mick at a comic convention. He said nothing has changed over the years that he's known him. Robin asked if he plays video games. Mick said he does. Robin asked if he loves them too. Mick said yes. Wolfie said he can't afford the new system so he has the old one. He can't even connect online because it's so outdated. Mick said he has a Playstation 3 and he doesn't play online.
Howard said he heard his mother is retired now and she's home all the time. Mick said she gets on his nerves sometimes. Wolfie asked when he jerks off. Wolfie said it's when they go to bed. Howard asked if he's busy at 9:15 jerking off if they go to bed at 9. Mick said he waits an hour or so. He said he'll do it before he goes to sleep and that's around Midnight.
Howard asked if it was a big decision for his mom to retire because they have to support him. Mick said she had enough in her pension to retire. He said his dad still works so there's that.
Howard asked if it's true that Mick ran into a car door as he was riding his bicycle. Mick said that did happen. He said he had blood dripping from his eye. Howard said he could have died. Mick said he was in the city and parked cars ignore bicyclists. He said he met another guy who had a big bruise on his shoulder from that. Mick said he tried to find a job doing delivery and his phone didn't work so he wasn't able to do it. Howard said he must do really bad in an interview.
Mick said he has tried to get jobs and they just don't call him back. Howard said some of the guys delivering don't look American. He said Mick should be able to get that job. Mick said he thinks they get a lot of people signing up. He said he might just be down the list. Howard said he could do that job. Wolfie said he thinks that app has other jobs too. Howard said he should be able to get a job riding a bicycle and delivering stuff.
Howard said they're trying to straighten out his life and they sent Mick to this speed dating thing. Howard said it's a Sci-Fi dating thing. Howard asked what the difference is between a nerd and a geek. Mick said that a nerd is smart and a geek might not be so smart. He said that they might say stupid shit that makes you want to punch them in the face and make them die. Mick said the terms have been debated for aeons. He said people may not agree with his definition.
Wolfie asked if Howard would have hung out with Mick in high school. Howard said no way. He said Mick would have dragged him down. Robin asked if Mick had a lot of friends. Mick said he did but it was a technical school. Howard said Mick would have avoided him too.
Howard said everyone is assigned a number in this speed dating. He said you get a few minutes with each person and then you write down the numbers of the people you like. He said then they put you in touch afterward. Howard said that Mick has a big beard and he only cuts it once a year. Mick said it's a cleansing thing. Howard said when they recorded this his beard was growing into his teeth. He said it was a mess. Robin asked if he would trim his beard. Mick said he wants a girl that will like him for him. He said that he's not going to shave.
Howard said he was also scratching his hands that were really dry. Mick said that was the humidity of the room. He said it made his hands really uncomfortable. Howard asked what the story was with his jeans. Wolfie said the shirt was from 2002 and it was worn. He said the jeans were a little long. Howard asked if he rolls them up. Wolfie said he does. Howard said that's what Erkle did. Mick said it's not that far up.
Howard said they give you 3 minutes to get to know the girls. Howard said Mick wasn't able to keep the conversation going that long. Howard played a clip of girl number 1. Mick talked to the girl about going to other speed dating things. He said he had some conversations but not dates. That was about all they talked about before Mick said it was good meeting her. Howard said Wolfie spoke to her after that and she wasn't interested in hooking up. Wolfie said there were some attractive girls there and this one was one of them. The girl said he wasn't that bad and said she wouldn't have kissed him. She said she couldn't have enough drinks to get her to sleep with him. She also rated him a 3 on a scale of 10.
Mick said he thinks that if he had no time limit he'd be fine. Howard said he had a lot of pauses and stuff. He was talking about Kill Bill and Ewoks. Howard played some of that next clip. Mick was talking about a horror game and Kill Bill and then changed it to Ewoks.
Howard said he thinks he'd save the Ewoks conversation for after you start dating. Howard said he thought Mick would do okay here but here's a typical conversation. Mick was talking about Star Wars and a light saber with a gun attached to it. The girl sounded like she was into the conversation and knew a lot about the story. Howard said it seems like he was hitting it off with her. Wolfie said that she was dressed like an Imperial officer from Star Wars. Howard asked if she was attractive. Mick said she was nice. Howard asked if he would bang her. Mick said he doesn't know honestly. Wolfie said he thinks Mick is A-sexual. He said he may not want anyone. Mick said he does want one but he isn't outright searching for one. Mick said he's just trying to figure out his life.
Howard said now he has a clip of a woman who was dressed up as Rogue from X-Men. Mick tried some X-Men conversation with her. Howard said he liked the joke he used. Howard said Mick didn't think she dressed sexy enough as Rogue. Howard had some audio of Mick talking about her outfit and how it's just clothes so it doesn't affect him.
Howard asked if anyone hooked up from this. Mick said he didn't ask. Howard said he seemed to hit it off with this girl dressed as a dragon. Howard said nothing came of that either. Howard played a clip of Mick talking to the girl dressed as a dragon. Mick and the girl were talking about Dragon Ball and stuff like that. Howard said this is like Nerd foreplay. Howard said it should be called unfuckable-con. Howard said he has a better chance of fucking a dragon.
Howard said that Mick should have hooked up with her. Mick said he just didn't. Howard said he should have called her. Robin asked if he got any numbers. Howard said he had 40 three minute dates. He said he wrote down every girl's number but not as many wrote his number. In a clip Mick said he gave his number to just about every girl. He only got one number from a girl. Mick said he waited a week and then another week and a month and he thought it would be too awkward to call again. Mick said he is a procrastinator and it affects his mind.
Howard played another clip of Mick talking about staring at someone while he talks to them but he's not sure what to do when you aren't talking to them. Howard asked if Mick is on the spectrum. Mick said he definitely is. Howard said speed dating might not be the thing for him. He said he'd be just as happy talking to a fire hydrant. Howard said it has to be torture for him. Mick said it's a new road for him. He said he doesn't do this. Howard said maybe he should wear sunglasses. He said it might be easier for him that way.
Howard said Robin should bang Mick. Robin said here we go again. Howard said she'd be terrific with him. Howard said just put him out of his misery.
Howard said Mick was more interested in the panel at comic-con than he was with the girls. Howard had another clip of Mick talking about missing some panel he would have rather gone to. Howard asked who that guy is. Robin said it's Michael Rooker and he was in The Walking Dead and in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Howard played another clip of Mick saying he thinks he was a 6 on a scale of 10 with his conversations. Wolfie asked what he was hearing in his head during the dating thing. Mick said he was thinking about the Michael Rooker panel and the dating stuff. Howard said Michael Rooker played Darryl's brother on The Walking Dead. Howard said he'd go to his panel.
Gary said Ronnie wants to come in and talk about Wolfie. Howard said come on in. Ronnie came in and said Wolfie is making fun of this guy but he's his friend. He said he hangs out with him. He said Wolfie is a fucking weirdo. Howard said he's not making fun of Mick. Ronnie said Wolfie was asking these girls questions in a weird voice. Ronnie said he's a fucking weirdo. Wolfie asked what Ronnie does because he breaks the bro-code all the time. Howard said he's heard that from a bunch of guys. Howard said he gets into fights and he breaks the bro-code. Howard said Ronnie was saying he knows stuff about Wolfie and he made it sound like he knows something about him. Wolfie said Ronnie was grabbing ass at the event they were at. Ronnie said that Wolfie was doing stuff too. He said he sits in his room and jerks off to comic books. Ronnie said Wolfie is a fucking weirdo.
Wolfie asked if Howard would have gone out to dinner with Ronnie out there. Howard said no but that wasn't his job. He said Wolfie was supposed to be covering him. Wolfie asked if Ronnie gets upset about Howard not hanging out with him. Ronnie said Howard used to hang out with him but he has other people he hangs out with. Howard said he hangs out with Ralph. Ronnie said Jimmy too. Howard said Ronnie hangs out with strippers. Howard said he didn't dump him for celebrities. Howard said that's the big way of putting him down now. He said saying he hangs out with celebrities is the way to put him down.
Howard said Ronnie just put him down. Ronnie asked how it got to them now. Howard asked what it has to do with celebrities. Howard said Ronnie is hanging out with NASCAR drivers on a private jet and he's talking about him hanging out with celebrities. Howard kicked him out of the studio. Howard said he's a douche bag.
Howard said the big rap on him is that he doesn't hang out with the guy sand they say he hangs out with celebrities. Howard said he gets invited to Jerry Seinfeld's house once in a while and Jimmy Kimmel comes to his house once a year. Howard said they say he's changed because of that. Howard said he used to hang out with Ronnie at strip clubs when he was a complete degenerate. Howard said he didn't hang out with him. He said that really ticked him off. Robin asked if it really got to him. Howard said no.
Howard said he's sorry all of this arguing is going on. Mick said he doesn't mind it. Howard said he'd love it for him to get a Mrs. Nerd. Howard said Medicated Pete got a girl so Mick should be able to get one.
Howard said Mick is a happy guy so he's not sure it matters to him. Mick said he is happy for the most part. He said there's an episode of Bojack Horseman where he calls himself a piece of shit and that's what his life is like. Wolfie said he's called him at 2 in the afternoon and he's still in bed.
Howard said this was interesting. He said maybe they'll try something else with Mick sometime. Mick said that would be cool. Howard said he's going to talk Robin into having sex with him. He said just stick it in and he's done in one, two, three.
Howard said Mick does gardening for his mom. Mick said they got a lot of tomatoes this year. Howard said Mick still wants to put out his own comic book.
Howard let Wolfie and Mick go a short time later. Gary said they have tape of Ronnie talking to himself in the hall about Wolfie. Howard got the clip and played it and Ronnie was going off on Wolfie about what he was saying to Mick. Ronnie said he's sure Wolfie had fun. Howard said this is going on in the hall. Gary said it was in the green room and he was alone in there. He was just talking to the speaker. Howard said Ronnie is retarded.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's time to put Ronnie out to pasture. He said he's ungrateful and he snaps at everything. He said he has to get rid of Benjy too. He said that they're going to make Howard crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with that guy. He said if he walked in his boss' office he'd be out of a job. Howard said they want to have personalities and they say ''fuck you'' to him. Howard said you can tell Ronnie is seething inside. Howard said he's off his rocker.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he tried to get a picture with Ronnie when they were doing America's Got Talent and he almost yelled at him out there. Howard had to go to break a short time later. Howard said Ronnie yelling at the speaker is really freaking him out. Gary said Shuli was out there listening and Ronnie didn't know he was there. Howard said he's yelling at Wolfie and that's crazy. Howard asked if he was cursing the guys out in the office too. Gary said some of the guys said he was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie's head is so inflated. He said that they all have to cater to him now. Howard said he's not sure why he's so angry at Wolfie. He said he's just trying to do his job. The caller said he doesn't think that Ronnie gets anything. Howard said Ronnie is off with his celebrity friends from NASCAR. The caller said he doesn't get it. Howard said he's going senile. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie going senile.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Ronnie has some nerve calling someone a weirdo. He said Ronnie is a mental patient. He said Wolfie didn't go to dinner with him and now he hates him. He said Wolfie is a good guy and he's nice. He said Ronnie is the weirdo. Howard said they're going to move on now. He thanked Ralph for the call and went to break.
Howard came back and said he likes Cee-Lo Green's voice in that song. Howard said he saw him at a Knicks game performing in half time. Howard said he seemed to be the only person paying attention though.
Robin brought up the Ronnie hanging out thing and Howard said he never hung out with Ronnie. He said he just brought him along with him to the strip clubs. He said Ronnie turned it into a whole personality. Howard said now you can't get him out of the strip clubs.
Howard asked when he ever hung out with Ronnie. He asked what they'd talk about. Gary said Ronnie is screaming in the hallway. Howard said he can stay out there. Ronnie wanted to come in. Gary said he's plenty upset. Howard said who cares. He said this is his punishment. He said he doesn't want to hang out with him anywhere. Howard said he's a kook. Howard said he's insane.
Howard asked if Robin wants to hear Ronnie rate celebrities. Robin said yes. Howard said first up is Taylor Swift. Howard played the bit where Ronnie talked about Taylor Swift not being his type. He was talking about her outfits and her grandma bottoms. He said he's sure she's very fine and clean and shaven down. Ronnie said she's sure she doesn't like anal and that's not his type. He said he'd give her a 6 on a scale of 10.
Howard said that's harsh. Howard said meanwhile she's hot. Howard said now he wants to hang out with Ronnie again. He said that must be the criteria. Howard said she's hot. Robin said she's not sleeping with Ronnie anyway. It doesn't matter if she likes anal.
Fred did his impression of Ronnie and had him talking about wanting to see clit over the bikini bottom.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the guy who used to yell at the speaker on his own was David Berkowitz. He said it's dangerous. Howard said he's going to go off.
Howard played another clip of Ronnie rating Jennifer Lopez. In that one Ronnie said he'd do anything for her. He said he'd eat her asshole and drink her cum. He said he'd fuck her while she's shitting. Ronnie said he'd put on a strap on and take it in the ass for her. He gave her a 10.
Howard said imagine that. He said she could put on a strap on and fuck him in the ass. Howard said please come in there and do that. Gary said Ronnie just said he's in.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were doing Ronnie's Mom. They had Ronnie's mom talking about how Ronnie has always had a keen sense of twat. She said she would have gargled Buster Keaton's jizz. She was telling Howard the things she would have done to celebrities. She was saying it like Ronnie might. She said she loves Howard's neck with the Adam's Apple. She said she'd love to rub her clit on that.
Howard said she talks just like Ronnie. Ronnie's mom asked if Robin has ever let a dog finish on her face. Robin said she can't say she has. Howard had Ronnie come in to talk to his mom.
Howard asked Ronnie why he'd take a dick in the ass. Ronnie said he'd do it for J-Lo. Howard said he wouldn't do that. Ronnie said Howard likes Taylor Swift. Howard said he's never had a fantasy about that. Ronnie asked Howard if he's ever had a girl that he really wanted that he'd be willing to do that with. Howard said no way. He said Ronnie has done some weird shit in his life. Gary said the guys think he has done it if it's in his mind. Howard asked Ronnie's Mom if she's ever done that. She said she never has. She talked about Ronnie peeking under her door so Ronald can look in and see her having sex. Howard let Ronnie's mom go after that.
Howard had a clip of Ronnie rating Daniel Craig. In that clip Ronnie said he's a good looking dude. He said if he had a cunt for a day he'd probably let him fuck him. Ronnie said he's had a fantasy about having a cunt for a day. He said Daniel Craig looks like a man's man and he would like to find out what it would be like to get laid by a guy.
Howard asked Ronnie why he would talk about that. Ronnie said he has said this before. He said people think about things like that. He said he said if he had the chance and he could get a wish he'd wish for a day to be a girl to find out what it's like to get laid. Howard said he wants a dildo in his ass and wants to have a vagina. Howard said you know it doesn't feel as good for them as it does for guys. Howard said if they had what men have they'd want to cum as much as they do. Howard said he's never thought about what a woman feels. He said that's weird. Ronnie said he wants to feel what it feels like for a woman.
Howard said Ronnie is saying he would want to have a guy on top of him fucking him. Howard asked why he would want that. Ronnie said it wouldn't be permanent. He said it would be for one day. Howard asked if he would want a big cock in him. Ronnie said a lot of girls say they don't want a big cock. Howard asked what kind of guy he would want. Fred said ''Jeff Gordon.'' Ronnie asked what the fuck is going on there.
Howard asked who he'd be into as a guy. Ronnie said he never thought about that part of it. Howard said he's dreaming about having a cock inside of him. Ronnie said he didn't think about who it would be. Fred did more of his Ronnie impression.
Howard played another Ronnie rating celebrities bit. In that one he talks about his secret fantasy. Ronnie said he'd like to get laid by two different kind of guys. He said one with a normal cock and one with a cock 15 miles long. He said he'd want to try each one. He said he's not sure how some of these girls get it inside of them. Ronnie said he'd want the guys to cum inside of him too.
Howard said ''Wow'' after hearing that. Fred was doing his impression of Ronnie talking about the guys he'd want inside him. Howard said he's saying that no straight man has these fantasies. Howard said he's not straight. Ronnie asked what he means. Howard said he's dreaming about this stuff. Howard said he doesn't know one guy who has been straight and said that stuff. Ronnie asked how many guys he's asked. Howard said it never comes up.
Howard said this is wild. Howard asked where Robin is in this. Robin said she is flabbergasted. Howard said he's never heard her speechless. Robin said it's fascinating to her. Howard said he wants to be a woman. Ronnie said it's just for a day. He just wants to know what it feels like. Ronnie said he doesn't believe they enjoy it like they do in porno.
Howard said Ronnie wants to know what it feels like to have a cock in him. He said maybe he can blow some guys to find out what that's like too. Ronnie said he doesn't know but maybe if he was a girl for a day.
Howard said he reminds him of High Pitch Erik wanting to blow Donnie Wahlberg. Ronnie said that's not the same thing. He said Erik wants to do it every day.
Howard took another call from fake Ronnie's mom. She was defending her son and saying it's not weird and it's fine that he wants a big cock in his ass. She said she had the Three Stooges in all three of her holes. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said maybe they can get someone in there during Cocktober to fuck him in the ass. Ronnie said it has to be J-Lo. Howard asked her to please come in there and do that. He said he knows she doesn't like him but please come in and fuck Ronnie in the ass with a dildo.
Gary asked if Ronnie would do anything with two other guys and J-Lo. Ronnie said no guys. He said no way to that.
Howard said they took Ronnie's picture out and showed some women to rate him. Howard played the clip and the women were saying he's gross. One gave him a 7 and one gave him a 6. Another woman said he needs a tan. They said he was intense and serious looking. Howard said he didn't do too bad there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Ronnie gets a bad rap. He said they rip on him like crazy. Howard said they love him. The caller said they're okay with the guys walking around with their cocks out and George Takei petting them like a kitty but they goof on Ronnie. He said he gets bashed a lot. Howard said Ronnie gets the rap he deserves. Howard said they love him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to get Ronnie's mom an ISDN line right into the studio.
Howard asked if Ronnie would let Cher do anything to his ass. Ronnie said he might. He said J-Lo is priority. Howard said she doesn't do it for him. Howard said her body type isn't for him. Ronnie said Howard likes Taylor Swift. Howard said he was all over her. Ronnie said she has too much of a straight body. No curves.
Howard took a call from Ralph again and he said that he gets what Ronnie is saying but he wonders if he ever pleasured himself thinking about that. Ronnie said no and he's being honest about it. Ralph asked if he gets the dildo up his butt and thinks about it. Ronnie asked ''What dildo?'' Howard said he thinks about that clip of Ronnie talking about meeting guys and meeting girls. Ronnie said he does like to meet guys and girls.
Howard asked if Ronnie wants to know what it feels like to have a cock in his mouth as a woman. Ronnie said he's never thought about it that way. Robin said maybe it feels better as a woman. Ralph said he's going to want all sizes in there. Howard said he wants a 6 or 7 incher and a 9 inch. Ralph said he's put a lot of thought into this.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's hypnotized right now. Ronnie yelled that he's not. Howard said he's never heard of anything like this. The caller said he's never wanted to call the show as badly as he did this morning. Howard asked if he would want to touch his clit as the guy is fucking him. Ronnie said he would probably so he knows what it feels like.
Howard had Ronnie's Mom back on the phone talking about how they're picking on her son. She said that they have to leave him alone with this. She said so what if he wants to taste cum. She didn't think it was weird that he wants to be a woman for a day. She said it's 2017 so let Ronnie take it up the shit pipe and smoke some pole.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing a Cher impression and singing a song about Ronnie. Howard let him go a short time into that.
Howard asked if he would want a circumcised or uncircumcised penis. Ronnie said that's a good question. Howard said okay to that. Ralph said ''...and Wolfie's the weirdo.''
Howard said why wouldn't you want to have dinner with Ronnie. He just wants to be a woman. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie.
Ralph said they should have some guys in there during Cocktober to find out what kind of guys he'd want in him. Ronnie said he just wants to know how it works. Ronnie said he's a girl. Howard said they have to isolate that clip of Ronnie saying he's a girl.
Ronnie said he just wants to be a regular girl in a relationship with someone. Ralph was cracking up. Ronnie said he doesn't get how they don't see this. Howard said he's thinking about his husband having a huge cock. Ronnie said it's not like that. Howard said he just wants to find out what it's like to fuck. Ronnie said yeah and then he'd go back to himself. Robin asked why he'd want to switch back if it's better. Ronnie said he just wants to know. Ronnie said he's going to be a girl for a day. It's the whole experience.
Ralph asked if he would do it for a week if it's good. Ronnie said. He said he just wants to do it for a day.
Howard asked Ronnie if he would get pregnant on that one day. Ronnie said he's turning back into a guy after that. He said he can't be pregnant. Howard said they say that when you're ovulating you're the most horny.
Howard had Ronnie's mom back on the phone. She said that they can have an abortion if he gets pregnant. She said that she'd love to have Ronnie make her a grandma. She said she wants cock and Ronnie does too so he's just like his mother. Howard asked if he's going to seduce the guy. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he wants to be a hot chick though. He said he wants the guy drooling to fuck him. Howard said he just wants to make it clear. Ronnie said it would just be for a day. Ralph said that's right, just a day so it's not weird.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't believe what he's hearing. Howard asked why no one has a good phone connection. He hung up on that guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie is going to be a squirter. Ronnie said he'd like to see what that deal is all about. Robin asked what he'll do when he finds out it's just pee. Ronnie said they say it's not pee. He said articles come out about it. He said that the NY Post had an article about that.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing the part of the guy who wanted to fuck Ronnie in the ass. Howard said this is his guy. Ronnie said he doesn't like orange sneakers.
Ralph asked if he would want a tight pussy. Ronnie said he doesn't get why they think this is so crazy. Howard said he should have his clit pierced. Howard asked if he has a 90 degree slot. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard asked if there's any smell. Fred did his impression of Ronnie talking about how it smells like new born kittens.
Howard let Ralph go and thanked him. Ralph thanked Howard for this. Howard said the fantasy is that a genie grants a wish for him to be super hot for a day. Howard said he has an A-Rod type take him. Ronnie said he didn't say that. Howard said he has a hot guy take him. Howard asked what position. Ronnie said he wants to experience the whole deal. He said he just wants to know what they feel.
Fred was doing his impression of Ronnie and had the guys cracking up with his comments. Howard said imagine he's a hot chick but with Ronnie's voice. Howard said it's a very gay fantasy. Ronnie said he's a girl at the time though. Howard said he's still Ronnie. Ronnie said he's converted into a girl for a day. Howard said he won't remember being the girl then. Ronnie said he will remember it.
Robin asked if he will remember being a girl or not. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said he might or might not.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they have a genie then why waste a wish on a gay thing. Ronnie said it's not gay. The caller said it is. He said most men want two or three women and not this. Ronnie said maybe he's done that already and he wants to do something different. Ronnie said maybe he has had a three way. He said this asshole doesn't get it.
Ralph said that he might as well take it in the ass because that's as close as he's going to get. Ronnie said he's had things near his ass. Howard said he can't imagine this wish. He said it's weird to want to be a woman. Ronnie said it's just wanting to know what it's like to be a woman. Ralph said he's into some weird shit but he's never thought about this. Ronnie asked what he has done. Ralph said he's not stupid enough to bring it up on the air.
Howard had Ronnie's mom back on the phone taking about how loving her son is and what he'll do for these men. Howard hung up on her saying he's had enough of this.
Howard said it's crazy to him. Ronnie said it's not crazy. Howard said even Ralph hasn't had this fantasy. Ronnie said he thinks his fantasy is better.
Howard said to each his own. Howard said he hopes that a genie does come down and dreams do come true.
Howard took another call from the guys in the back as a guy who had a three way with Ronnie. The guy said it was great until Ronnie kicked the girl out and fucked him in the ass.
Ronnie was still defending it saying it's not weird. Howard said it is. They went back and forth for a few more minutes about how weird it was.
Ronnie said that he doesn't think about this that often. He said they ask him about his fantasy and that's how he answered it. Howard said fair enough. Ralph said he answered it in two seconds. Howard said he's sure his fantasy wouldn't be that. Howard said this has a name. It's called Autogynophelia. Howard said it's the thought of himself as a woman and being aroused by it. Howard said he's Autogynophelia.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he'd fuck Ronnie if he wants it. He said it's not called Autogynowhatever, it's called queer as a three dollar bill. Howard said he's going to fuck him with his 8 inches. He said his pussy will be on fire from that.
Ronnie said he wants the whole experience to see what it feels like for a girl. He said he wants to know if she wants to blow her load quick or what. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions of him talking about that.
Howard said that Ronnie wants that NASCAR guy or Jason Statham. Ronnie said it's not Kurt Busch. Howard asked why not. Ronnie said he doesn't want close friends like that.
Howard asked Ronnie about the kind of guy he would want to fuck. Ronnie turned down Sal's buddy Larry Caputo. Howard said Sal would cut his tits off if he did that. Howard said he really has to take a break and get to news. Howard said he was going to let Richard blow him for a million bucks. Ronnie said they were both going to get a million. Howard said go back and talk to the speaker. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with him. Ronnie said there's nothing wrong with this fantasy. Howard said in 2017 anything goes. He said guys are fantasizing about being a woman. Howard went to break after that.
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Robin asked why the Wack Pack think he has the power to get people on shows. Howard said he has done that before. Robin said he has no relation to Big Brother. Howard said he got Eric the Actor on Mary McCormack's show. Robin said he knows Julie Chen. Howard said he does know her. Howard said she would be good on Big Brother.
Howard said it's time for news. Robin started off with a story about Twitter raising the number of characters from 140 to 280. Howard said he's not sure about that. Robin said that they're testing it with a select number of people. Howard said he finds tweeting annoying. He said now it'll be double annoying. Robin said they think people will tweet more if they can write more. Howard said the whole thing was to keep it short. Howard said imagine spending any bit of your day trying to figure out how to get your thoughts out in 140 characters. Howard said they should cut it back to 5 characters.
Robin read a story about Facebook and their community standards. Robin had audio of someone from Facebook talking about how they don't allow bullying or threats. Robin said you can't post obscene material on Facebook. Howard said what he likes about social media is that anything goes.
Robin read a story about Wendy Williams and the story she brought up yesterday. Robin said there was a story about her husband possibly cheating on her. Robin said Wendy got on the air and talked about that on her show yesterday. Robin had some audio of Wendy talking about that. Wendy said all is well and don't believe the hype.
Robin asked if Howard has been watching Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he missed it. Robin said the judges told the guy Howard has money on that he has been improving. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel has a 50 percent win record. Robin said they really like this Frankie Muniz. Howard asked who that is. Gary said he was on a show called Malcolm in the Middle. Robin said Debbie Gibson was booted from the show. Howard said they also kicked off a real estate agent. Robin said she's on Shark Tank. Howard said he was wondering what kind of celebrity she was. Howard said he saw Fred's plumber on there dancing.
Robin read a story about Kit Harrington from Game of Thrones getting engaged to Rose Leslie from Game of Thrones. Howard said he thought Kit was from Knight Rider. Robin said it's Jon Snow. Howard said he saw he's engaged to some girl from Game of Thrones and he had no idea who she was. Howard said he had to do research on her to figure out she was the girl in the North that he met. Robin and Howard spent some time talking about the after show for Game of Thrones and how they talk about Jon Snow like he's the best ever. Howard said that's how they should talk about him on the Wrap Up Show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that Huma Abedin is in the paper today. Howard said he finds her attractive. Howard said he loves damaged women too. He said that if he was going in on that relationship he'd figure out how to make her fall for a guy who doesn't do any weird shit like Anthony Weiner. Howard said he'd be super attentive and listen to her about her ex and other men. Howard said he'd date her but just at his apartment. Howard said he doesn't want to know about the kid she had with Anthony Weiner. Howard wondered if he'll sext at all before he goes to jail in November. Robin said you'd think he would.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary Dell'Abate impression and saying that he and Howard have hung out a lot at the beach house. Sour's phone cut out so Howard had to give up on that.
Robin read a story about Khloe Kardashian has announced she's pregnant. Robin said Kim is expecting one via surrogate. Robin said they're all having babies. Robin said that Khloe has been dating a 26 year old and she's 30-something. Howard said he's waiting for Caitlyn to have a baby. Robin said don't hold your breath. Robin said maybe in Ronnie World but not the real world. Robin said the ratings have been slipping for the show and now all three are pregnant so she's sure it will all come into the TV show this season.
Robin read a story about a statute on the books that says you can't be a dog walker unless you have a kennel or grooming license. Robin said this has become a big platform for a woman who says she wants to get rid of that rule. Howard said he'd pick something like that if he was running. Robin said he did that with the tolls. Howard said that's right. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about sexually transmitted diseases being at an all time high in the United States. Robin had some statistics she went over with Howard.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump congratulating Roy Moore who won the republican primary runoff even though Trump was supporting the other guy. Robin read some details about that. Robin said this Roy Moore is a very, very religious man who has a controversial interpretation of the bible. Robin said he was a judge in Alabama who was thrown out twice for the rulings he had given based on the bible instead of the law. Robin said he's looking forward to working with Trump.
Robin read a story about prototypes for Trump's border wall being built. Robin said they will be between 18 and 30 feet tall. Howard said the good thing is that the wall will keep him in. He can't climb a wall.
Robin read a story about Trump trying to cut the number of refugees coming into the country. Robin said Trump still has to sign off on the number.
Robin read a story about the new tax plan going into effect today. Robin had some details about that. Howard said Trump got rid of all of his tweets in support of Luther Strange who that guy Roy Moore was running against. Howard said that's kind of weird. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Trump talking about Puerto Rico and how their hearts and prayers are with them. Robin had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about this STEM education system that some companies are joining and talking to Ivanka Trump about. Robin had some audio of Ivanka talking about that. Howard asked what her position is. Robin said she's a Presidential advisor. Howard said he didn't know.
Robin read a story about this end of the world theorist who keeps changing the date for when the world will end. Robin said he says it's going to be October 15th. Robin said he's saying the world as we know it is ending. Howard said maybe he shouldn't show up to work. Robin said everyone should do what they've wanted to do their whole lives.
Robin read a story about how 85 percent of autism is due to genetics. Robin had some audio of someone from the Cleveland Clinic talking about that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.