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Howard and the guys were back from vacation this morning. Howard started the show singing ''The Great American Nightmare'' and talking about a song he was into but he didn't remember the name of it. Howard said it's that song called Heavy by a band he couldn't remember. Howard thought about it and said it's Collective Soul. Howard said he loves that song. He said that's very heavy and it's called ''Heavy.'' He said he's listened to it like 50 times in the week they had off. He said he watched every video of them doing it live too. He said he was chasing it like a tornado chaser.
Howard said he watched a whole thing online about John Bonham who broke it down for him why he was such a great drummer. He said the guy was right. Howard said he brought up that Bonham was so good because he was a jazz drummer. He explained what he saw and it was the most in depth analysis of all time. Howard said he agreed with the guy after it was all done. Howard said this is what he does on vacation. He said he'd go for a run and come home and watch videos. He said he has seen every live version of the song ''Heavy'' by Collective Soul now. Howard had Fred play some of the song.
Howard said people were worried about Trump's vacation but not him. He was just listening to that song. Howard listened to the song and said he wishes he could interview the guy who wrote this. He said he's convinced he wrote it about his mother. Howard said he's pretty sure that's what it's about.
Howard let the song play a little longer. He said he read the lyrics to his therapist. Robin said this song is something to him. Howard said it really is. He said he's like a teenager. Howard said he doesn't even have grey hair. He said he even wrote the lyrics in his journal. He said he drew some flowers and wrote the lyrics in there. He said that's called a juxtaposition. Robin said she thought they had to have something to do with each other. Howard said no.
Howard said he cried so fucking hard over vacation. He said before that he had to talk about the therapist thing. He said the therapist asked why he was reading lyrics to him. He said he can't feel anything but this guy can.
Howard said they got Charlie 5 years ago after he was in a cage for 2 years at North Shore Animal League. Howard said they had 5 cats and their dog Bianca had died. Howard said he and Beth wanted to bring in another animal and give him a chance. Howard said he was unadoptable. Howard said Beth doesn't believe in taking in the easy adoptions. He said he really loves these cats.
Howard said Charier's name was Kitty and they thought he was a girl. Howard said he's hung like him. He said they thought he was a girl. Howard said they adopted Charlie and they were told he was a boy when they brought him. Howard said he was living in that cage for 2 years and he was kind of obese.
Howard said he weighed 22 pounds. He said he was a finicky eater too. Howard said he asked them to bring the cat to him while Beth was away. Howard said he didn't want him in a cage any longer. Howard said Beth left town and he got the cat. He said he was scared out of his mind. Howard said they put him in a room by himself and he hid behind a drape. He said he sat with him all weekend in that room. Howard said he wasn't eating. He said he would get him out and feed him but then he'd go back. Howard said Charlie was very shy. He said fast forward and he was the cat that sat in the kitchen all day. He just hung out and chilled. Howard said he loved food. Howard said he and Beth used to argue about putting him on a diet. He said he'd eat everything there was.
Howard said Charlie didn't jump so they had to help him. He said they did what they could for him. Howard said then they got this cat Sophia who was blind. Howard said Charlie was into her and would clean her. He said the two of them were in love. Howard said Sophia used him as her eyes. Howard said fast forward again to the past couple of weeks. Howard said Charlie was peeing in front of the litter box. He said he was making doody there too. Howard said he was trying to tell them something. He said they brought him to the vet and he had really bad cancer. Howard said he had adrenal cancer and cats don't even get that. Howard said they had to remove his adrenal gland and something else. He said it was his spleen. Howard said he wasn't going to the bathroom and it was pretty aggressive. Howard said he came home and he was all out of it. He said Sophia stopped coming by him.
Howard said Sophia stopped eating and she would start over grooming herself. He said she took a shit on the carpet like she never does. Howard said she was so distraught that Charlie wasn't there. Howard said Charlie came home and she knew enough to back away. Howard said they know. He said she smelled him and knew he was out of it. Howard said it's so fucking sad.
Howard said they had this horrible scene and they found a abscess on him. He said they had to put him down. Howard said he had never been part of that before. Howard said he knew it was his time and he was rubbing his head and saying he loved him. He said it was tough. He said they were both crying. Howard said he was holding it together for Beth but it was so sad. Howard said Sophia didn't come near him. Howard said now she's not eating. He said they really know. Robin said she has to eat. Howard said Beth is working on it. Howard said this is fucked up.
Howard said he went to take a shower and he started crying in the shower. He said he was really bummed out. He said he got really upset. He said it was weird for him to be so human. Robin asked who he thought he was. Howard said the Sterns don't show emotion.
Howard said he called his mom to tell her he misses her. He said he was going to send a car for her to come over but she didn't want to. Howard said they don't have much time on this planet and he's trying to line up a day and she's like ''Nah.''
Howard said the cats are like their kids. He said they're very aware of what that is. He said he has to keep his mouth shut about that. He said Charlie was his boy. Howard said he might have more cats than St. Francis did. Howard said he was the patron saint of animals.
Howard said rest in peace Charlie Boy. Howard said he put a note in with his medal to St. Francis. Howard said they're cremating him. He said he will go with Bianca and Apple's ashes. Howard said it just fucked his head up. Robin said loss does that. Robin said we all have to go at some point.
Howard said he should mention that over vacation Mariann from Brooklyn won $10,000 and donated it to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard had her on the line. Howard thanked her for that. Mariann said that she's so sorry about Charlie. She said she knows how terrible it is. She said her dog died from cancer too.
Howard said Mariann won $10,000 from Greg Garcia and she had sent out a picture with her and Flat Ronnie watching his show ''The Guest Book'' and she won $10,000 for that. She started to freak out and Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about. Howard said he doesn't care. Howard said someone named Greg Garcia really gave the 10 grand to Bianca's Furry Friends.
Gary told Howard that Greg Garcia is a big fan of Howard's and he said if you tweet out a picture of yourself watching his show he would give the 10 grand to the best picture. Howard said there you go. He said Mariann gets excited and you have no idea what she's saying.
Howard said Robin is busy with pens and stuff. He said he told her not to get him anything. Howard said if she didn't then he'd be like ''Fuck her.'' Howard said it goes on. He said he was thinking about it and came up with an $800 bottle of wine. Howard said he did some research and found out what kind of wine Robin ordered at dinner that time. Howard said he thought about it and didn't want to do that. He said it's silly already. Howard said then it dawned on him. He asked Fred what he thinks he got her. Fred guessed it was a boat. Howard said he got her wind chimes. Howard said she has like 7 wind chimes on her property. Howard said he hates wind chimes. He said he's so happy to hear the birds and wind. Howard said Robin lives on the water and you can hear the surf at her house. Howard said Robin wants to hear this shit instead.
Howard said he found wind chimes that are so big. He said they're the biggest ever. Robin said they're as tall as a grown man. Howard said they're like the size of him. Robin said she couldn't get them out of the box. Howard said they look beautiful. Robin said they are. She said they dress up her whole yard.
Howard said that's it with birthday gifts. Robin said she was like ''how dare he get her wind chimes.'' Robin said it was like the whole neighborhood was getting wind chimes. Howard said he hopes they knock her off her chair.
Howard said they're some chimes. Howard asked if the wind blew it. Robin said no, she had to move it. Robin said there was some wind the other day and it did make some sound and it's beautiful.
Howard said it's fucking great. Robin said that was hysterical. She said she couldn't believe he did that. Howard said he thought they looked nice but he wouldn't want them making noise. Howard said he had a trickling pond in his yard and he hated the sound. He said he'd hate the sound of the chimes.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Robin's neighbor who was pissed at the chimes. He said he was taking them down right now.
Howard said they went to the street and got some birthday wishes for Robin. Howard played one where a guy was talking about what he wanted to do to Robin sexually. Howard said everything with her is sexual. Howard said it sounded like President Obama. Howard played another one where a guy said she should come and sit on his face. Howard played her a song parody too.
Howard played a set of twins talking about what they would do to Robin in bed. Howard played another song parody from Eli Braden after that.
Howard said that's all the birthday he has in him for a while. He said he was so wracking his brain and thought that was so funny. Robin said it was.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if he's surprised that David Letterman is doing a TV show. Howard said Dave will be in this week actually. He said he saw him a few months ago off the air. He said he was up there doing something. Howard said he can't remember what he was doing. Gary said he was doing something on Outlaw Country. Howard said Dave came in to say hello and he had a nice conversation with him. He said he and Dave go back so far. Howard said they had a personal conversation and Dave said to him that he wanted to do the show. He said they booked him a while ago and he really was kind of trying to figure out what his next move would be. Howard said he feels Dave has done it all. He said he had 35 years or so on TV. Howard said he thought he was fed up with the whole thing. He said it was like it was enough and he was done. Howard said he thinks he retired and he didn't think it was working for him. Howard said now he wants to be back in the lime light. Howard said Johnny did it and disappeared. He said Johnny was like 66 when he retired. Howard said he was kind of surprised when he heard about the shows he's doing for Netflix.
Jim asked if Howard thinks he'd come back after retiring. Howard said he thinks he has enough hobbies that he could keep busy and not want to come back. Robin said she thinks Howard is putting thoughts in Dave's head. Howard said Dave is the longest running late night broadcaster in history. Howard said he was on for 33 years. He said he thinks he had just had it after a while. Robin said she knew he was doing articles and talking about what he would say if he was on the air.
Howard said he doesn't think he would miss it if he retired. Robin said Howard has no clue what he would do. Howard said he bums out on Sunday nights when he thinks about how he has to go to work. Robin said he doesn't know what it'll be like when he doesn't have it to back to. Howard said he might grow one of those big beards like Dave has. Howard said he hates it when his hair grows over his lip though.
Howard said he had a lot of thoughts about Dave. He said they'll talk to him this week about that. He said he has to take a break. He was about to do that but said he was listening to the new Caitlyn Jenner audio book. He played some clips that he guys had edited together. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the @SternShow twitter account because someone liked a Trump bashing tweet. Howard said he hates social media. He said he has no idea what the @SternShow account puts out. Howard said people will tell him about stuff and he really has no idea what's going on with it. Howard said the radio show he's responsible for. Howard said on Twitter they say they need an account but fuck Twitter. He said fuck Facebook too. He said he doesn't need that stuff. Howard said he doesn't care about it. Howard said anything that's on there he has no idea about.
Howard said there are things that they automatically like apparently. He said they were explaining it to him and his head was exploding. Howard said he fucking hates it. Howard said whatever is on there he has nothing to do with. Robin said it has his name on it though. Howard said they have to put a disclaimer on it. He said they have to say that it doesn't represent him.
Howard asked who this ''Micky Glaser'' is. Gary said it's Nikki. He said that she's on the Wrap Up Show a lot. Howard said he has nothing against her or anyone on Twitter but he doesn't like this account he has. He said he doesn't like when they ''Like'' on there.
Howard said Beth is going to be on the Andy Cohen show today on SiriusXM. Howard said he was just handed a note about how Beetlejuice handles their Twitter. He said that explains it.
JD said he feels nervous for the people on stage. He said he was in Drama and he was the lead in Get Smart in high school. Howard asked if he was Maxwell Smart for one night. He said another guy did it the second night.
Howard said he can't imagine JD in Drama. Howard asked if Fred can imagine that. Fred did his impression of JD mumbling through half the script.
Howard asked JD if the girl who played agent 99 was hot. JD said not really. He said she's sure she didn't find him attractive either. Howard said he has to get a tape of that. Robin said someone had to have recorded it. JD said he only did one performance. Howard said that's so weird that he played that part. JD said he just landed in that part. He said in Sophomore year he did that class and the teacher wanted him to do the plays. Howard said he can't believe he had the nerve to go up on stage. Howard asked what grade he was in. JD said it was senior year of high school. Howard said he's shocked.
JD said they did tape the performances but his tape didn't work. He said only the Thursday night performance was taped and worked.
Howard said he'd even go see Bette Midler. He asked if everyone enjoyed the show. JD said ''Oh yeah.'' Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of JD and goofing on him about how he answered.
Howard asked where the in-laws stayed. JD said they stayed in their apartment on an air mattress. Howard laughed. Howard said his apartment is pretty small. JD said it's a one bedroom. He said it's big enough. Howard asked if he had sex in the apartment with them in there. JD said he didn't and he didn't sound like he wanted Howard talking about it.
Howard said he hopes the apartment didn't smell like the dead guy. JD said that was all cleaned up. Fred said he took a shit and blamed it on the dead guy.
Howard asked if JD talked to the parents about anything. JD said he's pretty quiet but he did talk about some stuff. Howard did his impression of JD answering in grunts and moans. Howard asked if he walks around in a robe around the apartment. JD said he didn't. Howard said he can't play Xbox while they're there. JD said that's true. Howard asked what happens if they have to take a shit in the small apartment. JD said it all worked out just fine. He said they have a window in the apartment right next to the toilet.
Howard asked if he's going to call them mom and dad. JD said no. He said he says their first names. Howard said he bets he doesn't call them anything. He said he just says ''Hey you.'' JD said he has used their names. Howard said that they must wonder why he doesn't talk. JD said he has said some stuff. Howard said they must think their daughter is out of her mind for marrying this guy. JD said they talk about stuff. Howard asked if he ever talks about what he says to them. JD said he doesn't want to get into this.
Howard said he has to practice with him. He had JD talking to him about various things. Howard asked if he just sits there. JD said he'll ask how he slept the night before and things like that.
Howard said JD and his fiancee should have had the parents sleep in the bed instead of the air mattress. JD said they did discuss that. Howard said they must know when people are shitting in there. JD said he wasn't in the bedroom that much so he doesn't know. Howard and Fred goofed on JD's mumbling some more. Howard said they should have written lines for JD. He said if he had told them about this they could have written some questions for him.
Howard asked if it was awkward to have the father in law walk into the bathroom in the middle of the night. JD said he was sleeping. He didn't know if he was going. Howard asked what he sleeps in. JD said he has pajama pants and a shirt.
Howard said it must have been annoying having people in there. JD said it was fine. He said she likes to have her family there. Howard said that's weird that they didn't stay in a hotel. Howard said he wants to see JD's sleeping outfit. JD asked what Howard's looks like. Howard said he has cum stains on his. He said he jerked off twice yesterday actually.
Howard asked JD if he has a sleeping cap. JD said he doesn't. Howard said he must have heard her parents shitting. JD said he really didn't. Howard said imagine JD talking to the parents. JD said they were all talking. He said they're more engaging than he is. He said he'll engage when he has something important to say. Robin said he should have taped the conversations.
Howard asked JD if he wakes up early does he walk out and wake them up. JD said they were all up pretty early. Howard said JD should say he had a stroke and that's why he is the way he is. Howard said he's like Stephen Hawking. Howard said he speaks like that because of a stroke he had at a young age.
Howard said he has to hear those conversations. He said all of this material is being wasted. Howard asked what he did while waiting for the play to start. JD said he sat next to his fiancee so they were talking. JD said he asked if they were liking it during intermission or whatever. Howard said he did say something at intermission. JD said ''Yeah!'' JD said they got tickets the day before and they had second to last row there. JD said he had a woman with high hair sitting in front of him. He said she was bopping around to the songs. He said that was the worst part of it. He said everyone was good in the play.
Robin asked if JD went back to say hello since he's a fellow thespian. JD said he didn't. Howard and Fred did more of their impressions of JD and goofed on him a little more. Howard said that must have been some scene out there. Howard asked when they came in. JD said it was Friday. He said they have guests over and that's what happens. He said he paid for some dinners and they paid for the tickets and some stuff. Robin asked if they went out to dinner every night. JD said they did. He said they talked.
Howard said JD likes McDonald's. JD said he hasn't been to McDonald's that much lately. He said they went out to a lot of wine places, a French place and an Italian place. He said they went to a Mexican place too. Howard asked what the wine places were. JD said they were just places that had wine.
Howard asked if he was ever left alone with the parents. JD said he was. He said it was a little awkward. He said they did talk and watched Jaws. Howard said he put the TV on. JD said it's always on. He said they were doing their own thing on their iPads and stuff. He said he was just watching the movie. Howard said that has to be awesome. He said he has to put Wolfie in that apartment. JD said no way. Howard asked how long she was gone. JD said she was gone about an hour.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked how old JD is. JD said he's 37. She asked why he'd let the in-laws sleep on an air mattress. JD said it wasn't his decision. He said it's her parents. Howard said he should have put his foot down and said they should sleep in the bed. JD said he did suggest that. The caller said he should put them in the bedroom. JD said he knows but it wasn't his fault.
Howard said that he's not sure he'd want to sleep on those sheets. JD said they get washed. Robin asked if they leave the bed out. JD said they do. He said his fiancee blows it up and lets it out. Howard asked if it's deflated in the morning and they have to pump it up. JD said he thinks they may have to do that. He didn't lay on it though. He said that they have had other family there and they have inflated it.
Robin asked where his family would sleep. JD said they get to choose. He said they can sleep where they want to. Howard said he might want to think that through. Robin said no one is going to try to throw him out of his bed.
Howard asked if they cleaned up the apartment before they came. JD said they did. Howard said they have to be careful not to pee on the floor. JD said sure. Howard said he has to be really careful. JD said he tries to be careful wherever he is. Howard said that's crazy.
Howard said he must have been glad when they left. JD said it's fine. He said they're still there and they're leaving today. JD said they're probably listening to this right now. Howard said they probably had enough of JD. Howard asked if he said goodbye to them. JD said he did last night.
Howard asked what JD learned about them that was new this trip. JD said he can't think of anything. He said that they probably didn't learn anything from him either. JD said they're lovely people. Howard said of course they are.
Howard asked JD if he has learned anything about his fiancee that has surprised him. JD said he has learned a lot about her childhood and stuff. Howard asked if she has dated other mumblers. JD said he doesn't know. Robin said maybe the others were worse. Howard said maybe she dated Frankenstein.
Howard asked what she liked doing as a kid. JD said she liked to camp and read. Howard asked how the camping went. JD said that didn't last longer than 24 hours. He said they went to some lake up in the Finger Lakes area. He said it's up near Watkin's Glen. He said they went into the woods. He said they got there around midnight on Thursday. Howard asked why they'd do that at that time of night. JD said she knows how to do the tent. He said she did that and he watched.
Howard asked what happened. JD said they were supposed to go for a couple of days. He said the next day they went hiking and they got back to the camp at like 3 o'clock and he was like ''Holy shit. I have to deal with this for the next 3 days.'' He said he was all sweaty and hot. JD said the lake they were near was all algae so they couldn't go swimming. JD said she saw how miserable he was and she didn't want to put him through this. He said she was fine. He said they went out to eat at a restaurant and got some food. He said they had an omelet kind of thing.
Howard asked if they had to build a fire. JD said she had some propane thing. He said the site they were on was flooded so this car was stressing him out too. He said they parked in this flooded area so the car was hard to get out. He said the car was almost stuck in the mud.
Howard asked where they put the tent up. JD said they pulled in and put the tent in a dry area. He said they had a sleeping bag they slept in. JD said he was stressing out about the car because he wasn't sure they were going to get back.
Howard asked if he fucked her in the sleeping bag. JD said he didn't. Howard asked if he video'd any of this. JD said he did not. Howard asked why he's not following him around on this. JD said no one is following him around.
Howard asked if he got sleep. JD said he didn't get a lot of sleep. Howard said what a miserable trip. Howard asked if they just got the fuck out. JD said they did. He said they stopped at a winery she wanted to stop at. JD said she knew he was miserable. He said he wanted to tough it out but he just couldn't do it.
Howard asked where he shit. JD said he didn't shit. He said the bathroom area was disgusting. He said he wanted to put on clean socks but he couldn't.
Howard asked how long the hike was. JD said it was like an hour or two. He said they had to go up this waterfall thing and it was a lot of stairs. Howard asked if he was huffing and puffing. JD said he was. Howard said he told him he shouldn't have gone. JD said he wanted to experience this for him and for her. Howard asked if he took pictures. JD said he did. He said it was nice.
Howard asked if he shook out his shoes to make sure there weren't any bugs in them. JD said he didn't. He said he didn't check for ticks either.
Howard asked if he was relieved when she said he could leave. JD said he was. Howard said he must be happy to be aback at work. Howard said that's like a 5 hour drive up to Watkin's Glen. JD said it was.
Howard asked if the in-laws showed up after that. JD said that was the next weekend. Howard did more of his JD impression. He asked if she keeps the camping gear in the apartment. JD said she does. Howard said next time her parents show up let them sleep in the tent.
Howard said it's an unbelievable story. He said JD is like a person with a girlfriend and in-laws. Howard said it's not going well though. JD said come on. Howard said he's so sorry. JD said he's fine. Robin said she lasted longer in India than JD did camping.
Howard asked if they made a fire at the camp. JD said they didn't. He said she had the propane thing. He said they didn't stay another night to figure it out.
Howard said JD didn't know how to boil water before he met this girl. JD said that's true. He said he didn't really do it normally when he did it. He said it's not something he does. Howard said JD got nervous about the smoke coming from the water so he'd turn it off. Howard said that was steam. Howard wondered what else he didn't know. Howard said he thought the steam was fire. JD said he didn't know.
Howard said he can imagine the call to the fire department telling them his water is on fire. Howard said he certainly figured out how to get internet porn. JD laughed. He said goodbye to Howard after that. Howard was still giggling at him. Howard played a song parody about JD from Daniel Mendelson. They went to break after that.
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Howard had Jeff on the phone and said he was on his way to the hospital when they last spoke to him. Jeff is out of the hospital now. Jeff said he has COPD. Howard said that's from all the smoking. Jeff said that's right. He said he has a weakening of the lungs. Robin said he's killing his lungs. Howard asked Jeff if this has made him rethink his habits. Jeff said they sent him home with oxygen. Howard said watch that trailer blow up.
Howard said Jeff has an oxygen tank now. Jeff said it's to be used ''as needed.'' He said he has stopped smoking. Howard asked if he's still smoking weed. Jeff said he has to confess he did have one joint. He said there was no coughing though. Robin said he has to be lying. Jeff said he can prove it to her. Jeff got some weed to smoke. Howard said he has weed but not a pot to piss in.
Jeff tried to find some weed but he wasn't finding it. He had a pipe to smoke it in though. Howard said he believes he's going to take a hit for them. Howard said he's sure he has some. Howard said he'd quit smoking that too but maybe at this point it doesn't matter. Howard said death wouldn't be that different for Jeff. Robin said she thinks his life is like JD's camping trip every day.
Jeff found the weed, took a hit and started coughing. Jeff wasn't able to stop coughing to say anything. Howard asked what his phlegm looks like. Jeff said it's not as bad as it used to be. Howard was cracking up at his coughing.
Howard said Jeff must be ready to die. Jeff said it wasn't awful. Howard said he must be ready to die. Howard said that would be a lateral move anyway. Howard said he'd look into stoping smoking anything.
Howard said Speech Impediment Man says that he's ready to move up the Wack Pack ladder if Jeff dies. Howard had a voicemail message from Speech Impediment Man saying that if he does die he may move up the Wack Pack ladder and maybe Howard will start taking his calls again. Howard said he's not sure why people think he's not taking their calls. Howard said he takes calls from Speech Impediment Man. He had Speech on the phone. Speech said that the new guy doesn't put him on. Howard said he can't put him on every time he calls. Howard said he can't take the same call every time. Jeff said he's fucking up his segment.
Speech Impediment Man said he hopes he dies so he can move up. Jeff told him to take that to the bank, fuck face. Howard said Speech Impediment Man is another crybaby. Gary said the screener says that he often doesn't have anything to say or he asks if Howard watched Gotham the night before. Howard said it's always the same call.
Howard asked if he had someone washing him in bed. Jeff said he did. He said she was good looking too. Howard said imagine going into the room and seeing Jeff in there. Robin said she had to do that kind of stuff back when she was a nurse. Robin said Jeff has that one arm so maybe people are doing that stuff for him. Jeff said the woman lifted his penis with her bare hand. Howard said ''Wow!'' Howard asked if he tells her he's in love with her. Jeff said no. He said she washed his penis, his balls and his taint. Jeff said she has to stick that stuff right in his ass. Howard asked if he looks at her while she's doing it. Jeff said he wasn't. Howard said Jeff's eyes go in different directions. Jeff told him not to be a dick head. Howard said it's too late for that.
Howard said he has to interview that woman who washed his dick. Howard said that woman deserves a purple heart. Jeff said it was nice. Howard thanked him for the update. Jeff asked what they have in store for him. Howard said nothing. He said he lied.
Howard took a call from a woman who said don't listen to any of those trolls about Charlie. She said she lost her Hank to cancer and he was about 18 years old. She was crying as she told Howard how awful it was. She said she named her cat Hank after Hank the Dwarf. She said she loves. Howard and hates wind chimes. Howard said he thought she was unstable until she said that about the wind chimes. Howard thanked her for the call.
Howard asked if she's hot at all. She said she's 68 years old. Howard said he has to go. Howard let her go after that. Howard said he appreciates the kind words.
Howard said Friday was Ass Cheek Friday. He said that on Sunday he was at a NASCAR race. He said Tuesday was Happy Play With Yourself Tuesday. He said he had a hump day on the Wednesday after that. Then he had a Trim Your Private Parts Thursday and a Happy Who Gives a shit Friday and more.
Howard said that's what Ronnie did since they last left. Howard played a song where Ronnie was singing ''Munday, Munday.'' Howard said he tweeted about Kurt Busch's wife a lot over vacation. Howard said he thinks he's filming his movie with Adam Sandler today too. Howard said he has another song about Ronnie before that. Howard played that song where Ronnie sang about tweaking nips.
Ronnie came in and said that some guy got married and he and his wife danced into the ''I'm Munt'' song parody they have. Howard said he didn't see that. Ronnie said it was all over twitter this weekend.
Howard asked if Ronnie is filing today. Ronnie said it's tomorrow. Howard asked if he's seen the script. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he may not have a line. He said he's not even sure who is in the scene. He said he's not sure who is who. Howard asked what he plays. Ronnie said it's something to do with a funeral. He said that Shuli is going with him. Robin asked how he's getting there. Ronnie said they're sending a car. He said they're shooting on Long Island somewhere. Howard said look at you. He said he didn't know they shot out on Long Island. Howard wondered why they shoot out there. Howard said Chris Rock is going to be in it.
Howard asked if Ronnie is nervous. Ronnie said no. Howard said he doesn't even know what the movie is about. Howard said you'd think he'd want to know more about the movie. Ronnie said he thinks he'll be all nerved up. Howard said he's like the opposite of Daniel Day Lewis. Howard said he doesn't want to know anything about it. Ronnie said he'll probably just be standing there.
Howard said Steve Buscemi is in the movie. Howard said maybe he'll have a scene with him. Howard said he was watching Benjy in Sharknado and he got hosed. Howard said he did a scene by himself and he got cut in with Kathie Lee and Hoda. Howard said he was wearing a ski cap in the summer too. He said it made no sense.
Howard played audio of Benjy's scene. They had Kathie Lee and Hoda doing their lines and then Benjy doing his 2 lines or so. Howard said that was it. He said that's some performance. Robin wondered if he thought about that at all. Howard said you don't hear any reporter acting like that. Howard said everything he does he screams. Howard said the actual Sharknado event is more believable than Benjy's stint as a reporter.
Howard said that you'd think they would tell Benjy not to wear a ski cap. Ronnie said they told him what to wear in the Sandler movie. He said that he has a new suit and he offered to wear one that he just got. He said that you don't know what it's going to look like. Howard said it would be nice to be in a scene with Sandler. Ronnie said it doesn't matter. He's just happy to be in the movie.
Howard said Ronnie is tweeting about that Kurt Busch's wife. Howard said they must be giving him free stuff. Ronnie said they're not. He said that he's not giving them anything.
Benjy came in so Howard asked if he watched the movie. Benjy said he did. Howard asked why he was wearing that cap. Benjy said that they didn't say to him not to. He said he did bring different ones with him but that one matched what he was wearing. He said it kind of matched that. Howard said maybe these gigs are embarrassing. Benjy said he doesn't think about it that way. He said it's fun to be in those movies. He said it's a fun thing to be part of.
Howard asked Benjy if he thought it was odd that they had him bring a suit. Benjy said they didn't have wardrobe there. He said that he brought everything he had hoping something would fit. He said he was at the peak of his weight so he was bursting out of everything. Howard said he was in a ski outfit and ski cap. Howard said he figured it was summer based on what he saw. Benjy said they did play the scene on the Today show. Howard said Benjy should wear a wig if he's so afraid of showing his bald head. Benjy said he thought Howard wouldn't want him to. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard asked if he got feedback about his appearance. Benjy said he was excited about it and it was fun. He said he got some feedback.
Benjy said he has a question for Robin. He asked how he should have done the line if he didn't do it right. Benjy said they had a Sharkzilla out there. Howard said he didn't have to scream his lines. Benjy said it may have been an affect because they were shooting Gilbert the same day. Howard said he should wear a Viking helmet next time. Howard congratulated him on his appearance. Howard said maybe he shouldn't be in movies like that. Howard said he was in the movie but Hoda and Kathie Lee are getting respect but not really Benjy. He said he's kind of an afterthought. Howard said maybe he should think that he's not a joke and he's a serious person. Howard said this is a movie that stars Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. Howard said at least give him something.
Benjy said he thinks it would have been stupider not to do it. Howard said he has a different view of his career. Howard let Benjy go after that.
Robin said the scene wasn't that long to warrant this much discussion about it. Howard said he's trying to move on but Benjy won't leave. He said it's not that interesting to hear about his views on Sharknado.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he didn't get rid of Benjy soon enough. He said that guy sucked him in with his stuff. He called him a balding Jew too. Howard said there's no reason for that. Howard said that there was enough of that nonsense going on over the weekend. They ended up talking about the car that killed someone at the protests. Howard said that car looked like the General Lee. Howard said that people don't want a car like that now unless you're in a Nazi group.
Howard said he has some audio of the chants going on in Charlottesville. Howard played one where the crowd was chanting ''Fuck you faggots!'' over and over. Howard said he'd get right the hell out of there if he heard that. Howard said that they were trying to tell people that they're not all like that out there. Howard said they know that.
Ronnie said they had a helicopter crash out there too. Howard said that helicopters are fucked up. Robin said they're coming out with drones for people and they'll have people going up like that. Howard said he won't be.
Howard played another clip where the hate group was chanting ''You will not replace us'' over and over. Howard said he doesn't get that. Robin said these are people who want all of the losers of the wars to come back. Howard played another clip from the Wing Bowl where they were chanting ''Fuck nig*ers.'' Howard said that people are so angry.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he doesn't think that Ronnie is going to be in a scene with Adam Sandler. Ronnie said he never did say he was. He said all he said on Twitter was that he was shooting an Adam Sandler movie. King said that he's trying to make it sound like he's part of the director. Ronnie said he's such a stupid ass. He said he's just jealous. King said he's not jealous. He said that he's just sitting back and collecting rent. Ronnie said he sits home like a big shot. King said he has a small apartment building that he collects rent from. Ronnie asked why he gives a shit about what he's doing. King said he has nothing better to do.
Howard said that if they called King to be part of the movie he'd be right there. King said he would.
Howard asked how many apartments are in the building he owns. King said it's 5. Ronnie said that his father bought it for him. He said he isn't building anything. He said that was all his father's business. Ronnie said he's sitting on his fat ass collecting rent. King said he's retired so that's what he's doing. Ronnie said he's been there 31 years and he's not going anywhere. King said Ronnie thinks he's going to die if he retires. Howard said that's enough of this.
Howard asked King if he goes in and strong arms people who don't pay rent. King said you take them to court. Ronnie asked how long it took to collect rent. King said it took 6 months to evict someone. Ronnie said King is an asshole. He said he's a fucking asshole. Howard said it's enough of that.
King asked if he got his Jeep yet. Howard said he doesn't even know what he's talking about. King said it was the Jeep. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said they took pictures of King and Ronnie out on the street and asked who was better looking. Howard played the clip and they had a lot of people saying that King was the better looking guy. Howard said King beat Ronnie by a little bit. Not by much though. Howard said people wanted to fuck Charles Manson over him so he knows how that feels.
Howard asked Ronnie how he feels about the JD stuff. Ronnie said he told him not to go camping. Ronnie said he'd get out of it somehow. Howard asked if he thinks he's pussy whipped. Ronnie said it's not that. He said he was trying to do the right thing. He said they're still young and he was trying to do the right thing. Howard said he turned out to be a buzz kill though. Ronnie said JD knew that to begin with.
Howard played a song parody that Ronnie sang about his different days of the week. They went to break after that.
Howard said he had his breakfast and ate it so fast that now he's exploding. He said he has a phony phone call where Jessica Kirson is playing a clown who calls a woman about a job for a performer. She was driving a bus and had kids on the bus. She ended up screaming at the kids while she was driving. She was calling them names and cursing out the special-ed kids she was driving. The woman hung up on the bus driver.
Howard said JD sent him a clip of someone talking about him. Howard said even when he gets a compliment it's always half assed. Howard said there's a show called Good Day Sacramento and the women were talking about their favorite movies. Howard said this one woman says she's seen ''Private Parts'' 7 times. Howard said she says she's not a fan of his but she likes the movie. Howard asked how you're not a fan after watching it 7 times. Howard said maybe if she watches it 8 times she'll come around. Howard said he has only seen the movie 5 times and this woman has seen it 7. He said he's in the fucking movie.
Howard said this goes on with him all the time. He said they can't love him. He said just listen to this. He said her name is Marianne McClary or something. Howard said imagine if he did this with the Beatles and said he wasn't a fan but he listens to the White album every day. Howard said just listen to this. He said no one calls her out on this. Howard played the clip and this woman admits she has seen ''Private Parts'' 7 times. The other women were saying ''What!?'' like it was shocking. The woman said it was so funny. She said she isn't a fan much really. She said the movie is hilarious though.
Howard asked what kind of segment this is. Howard said whoever her sidekick is sure is annoying. Howard said shut up to her. Howard said if you like the movie then you're a fan. Howard said they're in the same business as he is and the two of them should be fans. Howard said people are just fucking weird with him. He said they fucking hate him.
Howard said the reaction is so crazy. He said it was like she said she likes beheading videos. He said this is like she said she's a fan of Hitler or something. Howard did an impression of the women talking about that. Howard said he's so tired of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows that they've gone over this before. He said he likes to hear the show and when he doesn't hear it he tries to do the math. The caller said Howard works 120 shows a year. Howard asked what math he's doing that he's not doing. The caller asked if he takes holidays off. Howard said they count every day there. The caller told him to get his ass to work. Howard told him to shut up and hung up on him. Howard said this is it and this is what he does.
Howard asked if that was Jim Meyer. He asked if that's the head of the company. He said he's doing 3 days a week and giving you good shows. Howard said he sees some guys that do one show a week. Howard said that guy just ruined one of the 120 shows he does with that comment. Howard said Letterman just announced he's doing 6 shows a year. Howard said that's what he's going to start doing.
Howard said it must be what they do over there. Howard said you don't want to do that because maybe you'll get a different job over there and get to harass other women. Howard said if he wants to come on this show and tell his story he's welcome.
Howard said Pat Robertson was defending Eric Bolling. Howard had the audio that he started to play. He said this isn't vocal fry, the guy is near death. Howard played more of the clip where Robertson was defending Bolling saying he's a church going man. Howard said he hates to break it to him but priests are doing this kind of shit too. Robertson was talking about how they're playing a game and anyone could send a piece of literature and say it's coming from someone else. Howard said he's sure FOX is looking into it. Robin said not just anyone can do it. She said she can't. Howard said Pat Robertson probably can. Pat said that MSNBC is beating them in the ratings now. He said those lawyers had better get out of it and let them run the show over there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his musical is going to have to be a 6 hour opus. Howard said he did ask if they could spread it out over 3 days. He said it'll just go on and on. Howard did an impression of Pat Robertson and came up with excuses for Eric Bolling. Howard said it must be driving these guys nuts. Howard said that the network of morality is falling apart and the channel with homosexuals on it is winning.
Howard kept going with the Robertson impression and had him telling his followers to donate so they can keep this going. He had him talking about Eric Bolling going to church every week and how he can't be doing anything wrong because of that. He had Robertson talking about Bolling's beautiful penis and how it looks as good as Benjy Bronk's penis.
Howard said there had to be some kind of investigation into the penis pictures. He said he can't imagine they'd just fire the guy unless they had something on him. Howard said no one there can just be with a woman and have sex with them.
Howard said the whole world is so crazy. Robin said that he claims he didn't send any unsolicited pictures to these women. Howard went back into his Pat Robertson impression and had him talking about how he'd suck that cock even though he's not gay. He said he's a good Christian man so he'd suck it. Howard said that he might have to write Pat Robertson into the play.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has seen Rachel Maddow's cock and it's huge. He said that he didn't know Howard could sing so well like he did in the Tommy John commercial earlier. Howard said he did use Autotune. Howard asked the guys to print out the lyrics to a Led Zeppelin song so he can try singing that. Howard said maybe a song like Stairway to Heaven or something. Howard said maybe Whole Lotta Love. Fred suggested Heartbreaker. Howard tried that. He said it actually works. He had Fred cut it off because he didn't know where to come in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this Eric Bolling story can't be true. He said that he is a very intelligent man and he has a beautiful wife. Howard laughed. Howard asked what he thinks will happen. He said that the reporter has like 14 sources. Howard said Eric's wife is super hot. Robin said that doesn't mean the guy won't cheat. The caller kept saying that he's an intelligent man. Like intelligent people don't cheat. Howard said he wants him to come in there and tell the whole story. The caller said maybe he will.
Howard had Fred play Stairway to Heaven for him to sing along to. Fred had to tell him where to come in. Howard had the Autotune on. Howard said he doesn't sound any more in tune with that. Fred said he was actually. Howard tried to keep it going after that. He kept singing and it sounded like shit with the Autotune on.
Howard said it sounded out of tune to him. Fred said it was one or two notes. Fred said you have to be kind of close. Howard kept singing. He told Gary to get Rick Rubin on the phone. He said he's ready to record. Howard said he actually thinks he still sounds like shit.
Howard told Robin to put her top back on. He said Fred has his fingers in his ears. Howard took a call from a Zeppelin fan who said he can't believe he got Zeppelin to reunite. Howard said that's right. He said he's actually Autotune proof. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard played a voicemail from Wendy the Slow Adult who had an idea for a cook off contest where she and Gary the Conqueror could cook and have Howard, Jason and Robin be the testers.
Howard played a Jeff the Vomit Guy message where he had an idea to be invited to an event where there was a lot of drinking going on where he could wear a sign asking women to vomit on him.
Howard asked who had the better idea there. Robin said she thinks Wendy. Howard said the slow adult cooking segment. Howard said she wants to compete with Gary the Conqueror. Howard said Jeff wants a party where people drink heavily and people vomit on him. Robin said she's pretty sure people would rather watch Wendy and Gary cook.
Howard said he came up with this Priest and Boy show and he thinks the networks should pick it up. Howard played another bit that Steve Nowicki did as Priest and Boy.
Howard said that show could have so many seasons. Howard said they could do different tasks every week. Howard said they were getting dance lessons in that one. Robin said it took Sylvester Stallone a long time to sell Rocky.
Howard said he believes in Priest and Boy. He said he pitched it at A&E and they called him a shit head.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Stairway to Heaven was the worst ever. Howard said they know it's bad. Howard said he doesn't really think he can sing.
Howard said it seems odd to him. He said he tends to believe women when this stuff happens. Then a friend told him he doesn't believe her. Howard said the friend asked why she didn't move or scream when he did it. Howard said this person also said that the bodyguard claims he saw this but he didn't do anything at the time. Howard said he's supposed to protect her from this at all times. Howard said that was a good point. Robin said you don't know how you're going to react. Robin said if her life isn't in danger the bodyguard may not react. Robin said maybe it was over before he could intervene. Howard said he's lucky because no one wants to grab him.
Howard said that Robin once shit on a guy's hand when he grabbed her ass. Robin said she's fast. Howard said he was firmly in the Taylor Swift camp until this guy threw scenarios at him. Robin said that he's proposing that something should have happened. Howard said someone goosed him once and he jumped forward. Howard said if you grab someone's ass cheek you have a reaction. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Robin said that's only what he thinks, it's not fact. Howard said he knows. Robin said the judge has to decide if she's lying or not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening since the 80s. He asked if he thinks he can still relate to the guys in his audience who don't have toilets that wipe for them. Howard said he has no idea. Howard said he doesn't know if he's relatable but he thinks he can be funny. He said he hangs out with JD and that keeps him grounded. Howard said he's relatable because he's a miserable guy. Howard said it's the misery that unites them, not money. Howard said he doesn't spend much time thinking about that. He said he just knows he's miserable wherever he goes. Robin said everyone has a fall back mode and Howard's is misery. Howard said that's right. He said he has the face of the common man too. He said he's not full of himself. He said he has a tiny penis too. He said he thinks there's enough that's relatable about him but who knows.
Robin read a story about taking pig organs to keep yourself alive. Howard said he knows there's nothing after this life and he'd take that to keep alive. Howard said as much as he loves animals he'd take it. Howard said if he had to have a heart transplant and the only thing available was a pig heart he'd take it. Robin said she wouldn't. Howard said she would do it if it would save her life. Robin said she's not sure she'd want to try to recover from that. Robin said she's not all that shaken up about life. She said she's had a good one. Howard said he wants his wind chimes back. Robin said he doesn't know that you won't start acting like a pig all of a sudden. Howard said that's not going to happen. Robin said they have developed gene modified pigs that could lead to having transplanted organs into humans. Howard said he'd be for taking human hearts and putting them into pigs. Robin agreed. She said there are plenty of humans doing horrible things. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin gave Howard a good review for the movie ''Kong'' and said she thinks he'll enjoy it. Howard said he hated the story of Kong and bringing him to New York. Robin said this was more about Kong on Skull Island. Howard said good.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's watched that ''I'm Dying Up Here'' yet. Howard said not yet. Howard thought the caller was going to talk about Game of Thrones but he didn't want any spoilers. Howard said he just wants to know if it was as good as last week's because last week's episode was so good. Robin said that was the best yet. Howard said he's going to go home and watch Game of Thrones tonight while he's eating dinner. Howard said he's going to have his spaghetti and broccoli. He said he'll do his work before that. He said then he'll get into bed and beat off and watch TV. The caller asked if he can come over and make him some cheeseburgers and lay in bed with him like Sal did. Howard said that was so weird.
The caller asked why Trump won't say that he doesn't want David Duke to speak for him. Howard said he has to do that. He said he has to condemn what went on in Charlottesville. Robin said it should be a swift reaction but it's not happening. Robin said it takes away from his credibility. Howard said Trump has a lot of these Alt-Right characters supporting him so that's why he won't do it. The caller asked if he believes in some of that shit. Howard said he doesn't know.
The caller asked when he had discussions about Bubba with Sirius. Howard said not in a while. He said he spoke to Bubba and Bubba wants a job there. Howard said he doesn't own Sirius so he can't do anything. Howard said he loves Bubba but he can't really help. He said he has mentioned it to them from time to time. He said he can't get everyone a job there. Howard said Bubba thinks he can put his foot down and get him a job there. Robin said he is a broadcaster so you'd think he'd be able to get a job there. Howard said he knows. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he did sit Jim Meyer down and told him that Bubba's shit fan would bring in millions of subscribers. Howard said they always had fun when Bubba was there. Howard said he told Jim that liquid ass equals ratings. He said he just got a blank stare.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she got two copies of the magazine Beth was in. She said at 11:30 she's changing the dial to listen to Beth today. Howard said he hopes that Andy Cohen isn't rough on his wife. Howard said if he doesn't behave he'll have to take away his ''Top Gay'' title. Howard said everyone has a channel there except Bubba.
Robin read a story about how 1 in 8 adults is an alcoholic. Howard said everyone he meets drinks. He said they do it in excess too. Howard said he's thinking that maybe he's the reason for alcoholism. Robin said more and more people are dying from alcohol related causes. Robin said it's more than twice the rate of opiate related deaths. Robin said no one says a word about alcohol. Howard said he was reading an article about a guy who was saying that if you allow your child to play football it's child abuse. He said they now say that there is brain damage from the head bashing. Howard said if you have a kid and you let them play football, are you allowing him to essentially dye young. Howard said he believe you are and it is child abuse. Robin asked if the child wants to play football and really wants to play then what? Howard said they can play soccer or baseball. Howard said they have Lacrosse too. Howard said play flag football. Howard said they say that kids brains are getting scrambled from playing. He doesn't think they should let kids play. Robin said people have to be allowed to pursue their potential. Howard said Robin wouldn't let her kids play. Robin said her kids wouldn't be good at it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said The Mooch is going to be on Colbert tonight. He asked if he's going to watch. Howard said he'll record it and watch it. Robin said Scaramucci is giving interviews now after he was fired after just 11 days on the job. Howard said Gary was in touch with his people but they weren't able to get him on the show. Gary said he was interested in it but then yesterday something happened and he may not even show up on Colbert tonight. Robin said he was willing to shoot from the hip and now he's afraid to talk? Howard said speaking isn't his strong suit. Robin had some audio of Scaramucci doing an interview and talking about what went on and now it was meant to happen. Howard said Chevy Chase's talk show lasted longer. Howard said George Stephanopoulos got a hold of him and knocked him around a bit. He said that got him spooked.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what they can do to encourage Sirius to hire Bubba. Howard said email Andy Cohen because he's the one who controls this place. The caller said he has no idea who that even is. Howard said it's the powerful people hiding in the shadows there. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how some of Trump's surrogates are speaking out about the rallies in Charlottesville. Robin said Trump isn't but his daughter is. Robin said the President has been criticized for not speaking out about this. Robin said Ivanka is Jewish after she converted for Jared Kushner. Robin said that Mike Pence spoke out about this too. Robin had some audio of him doing that.
Howard wondered what Hillary Clinton thinks about this. He got fake Hillary audio clips on the line and asked some questions about what's going on. The guys played her pre-recorded laughs and a yes and no here and there as her answers.
Robin read more about the Charlottesville violence and protests and had some audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about the threats that Trump was sending out on Twitter about North Korea. Robin said that people are wondering if that's the right way to approach things. Robin said a former security advisor is saying that Kim Jong Un could end his time as a leader if he starts something. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin read about how today is National VJ Day. Robin said that's Victory over Japan day. Robin said it was on this day in 1945 that Japan surrendered. Robin had some audio to play. Howard said it's too bad we can't just shrink all of North Korea into a bottle like they did with Kandor in Superman. Howard said they should invent that. He said he bets Google is working on that.
Robin read a story about next week's solar eclipse and had some audio of people talking about it.
Robin read a story about dog walking and how most people don't walk their dogs. Howard said don't get a dog if you're not going to walk it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said they say that you're missing out on the health benefits of walking the dog yourself too.
Robin read a story about Chance the Rapper giving out school supplies to kids who may not be able to afford it. Robin read about some others who are giving money to charities as well. Robin said Bruno Mars is giving money to Flint, Michigan.
Robin read a story about the Teen Choice Awards that were on last night. Howard said he started watching it but he felt like he was really out of touch. Robin had some audio clips from the show to play.
Robin read a story about the box office and how the top movie was ''Annabelle: Creation.'' Howard said he doesn't know anything about that. Robin told Howard what it's about. Howard said he doesn't like that talking doll stuff. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about Ronnie going to shoot his movie today. He has to leave early today. Howard said they're shooting the Adam Sandler movie. Robin said when your driver is also an actor... Howard said yeah, that sounds like a commercial.
Howard asked Robin how she's doing. Robin said she's fine. Howard asked how her wind chimes are. Robin said they're very quiet. She said the bigger they are the less they ring. Howard said he didn't know that. She said it might take a hurricane to move them. Howard said he didn't even think of that. He said he liked the look of them. Howard said as long as they don't go off very often it's good.
Howard said someone went off on him in the email about buying her wind chimes. Howard said people don't get it. He said they're assholes.
Howard read some email about his performance of Stairway to Heaven yesterday. He said a lot of people like Priest and Boy. Howard said he goes around singing the theme song. He said people want it to be a regular bit. Howard said he was talking to priest in the office yesterday and he has about 20 more concepts. Howard said he'll have him in the studio to talk about the making of those bits.
Howard read some email about his Autotune performances. Howard had some feedback about his Pat Robertson impression too. Then he read the wind chime email where someone complained about him buying the giant ones for Robin. Howard said he hates wind chimes but he bought them for Robin because she loves them. Robin said it was something she'd never expect. Howard said he's never including the fans in anything again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was waiting for this guy Richard Spencer to come speak at his college. He was freaking out and yelling so loud that his phone cut out. The caller asked why he's supporting the zioinst media out there. Howard said this is a weird call. He said he doubts this guy is Jewish. the caller said he can pass the Jew test. Howard asked him to sing a song. Howard figured he was Jewish after that.
The caller said he hates all of this Jewish stuff. The guy said it's free speech if people want to hate people. Howard said he's not sure how serious he is about Israel. Howard said they are an ally of the United States. The caller said that's not true and they attacked the U.S. Liberty.
Howard said he thinks this guy might be Hitler's favorite Jew. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he should call Alex Jones. He said he made some crazy comments. Howard said Alex said that a bunch of the clansmen looked like the cast of Seinfeld and they look like Howard Stern and they're trying to make the Klan look bad. Howard said everyone is making shit up. He wondered how they sleep at night. Howard said people are dying out there and they're making shit up.
Howard said they had a clip of Alex Jones saying some crazy stuff. Howard said it's not the Seinfeld clip. He said there's something about having a colony on Mars. JD was pulling the clip up. Howard said there's another one where he says he and Robin are contributing to Russian hysteria.
Howard played a clip of this guy talking about the colony on Mars with Alex Jones. Alex said they see mechanical wreckage on Mars and they ignore it. Howard said that may have been too outrageous for Alex. Robin said he did try to get behind it.
Howard said Alex also said he had sex with 150 women before he was 16. He said he believes the Mars stuff before he'd believe that. Howard played the clip where Alex talked about the 150 women. He said he believes 9/11 was an inside job before he believes he had 150 women.
Howard said his show is like that News of the World paper that used to have aliens on the front page of the paper every time. Howard said he talks about stuff like that on his show. Howard played another clip of Alex Jones talking about seeing people who are half pig and half human walking around.
Howard said he thinks it's funny but some people take that shit for real. Howard said Alex said that he and Robin are contributing to Russian hysteria. Howard said that would be like if they were screaming about leprechauns taking over the world and everyone is ignoring it. Howard said it's an interesting concept for a radio show. Howard played a clip where Alex Jones was talking about humans being spliced with animals.
Howard said what if they mate humans and insects and they end up with Brindle Fly. Howard said maybe he and Robin should start another show where they talk about this crazy stuff. Howard came up with some stuff they could talk about.
Howard played the clip where Alex was talking about him. In the clip Alex said he heard Howard Stern a couple days ago and he said we don't talk to Russians. Jones said they think we're at war with Russia. Howard said that's right. He said Putin is a scumbag fuck who kills journalists. Howard said they're the only ones looking into shit. Howard said that's the difference between us and the rest of the world. Howard said go back in history. He said these guys don't want to be looked at or criticized. Howard said Trump's son shouldn't have taken calls from the Russians. Howard said you call the FBI when you get that call. Howard said he's talking about Putin and his government. Howard said if that ever happened in this country we'd be fucked. He said that's why he's a second amendment guy. He said that we can't let someone like that take over. Howard said we have to be armed. He said that's why the second amendment came about. Howard said Putin sucks off the teat of the Russian people. Howard said he's spoken to Russians who live there and they're not against Putin completely because he's getting them food. He said he has organized things somewhat. Howard said he has an iron grip on that country though. He said fuck 'em.
Howard said he's not doing a whole show on Alex. He said it's kind of funny but it's not. Robin asked if this is the great America we were expecting. Howard said Alex thinks that there are slaves on Mars. Howard asked what the end game is there. Howard said you put them there but never find out why. Howard said Fred was enslaved on Mars but he escaped.
Howard said it's the anniversary of their WNBC debut. Howard said they do have an anniversary they'd probably want to forget.
Howard took a call from fake Alex Jones who was saying that the KKK is marching to the Seinfeld theme. He said they have a Nazi Kramer and a Nazi Newman. Howard asked what they want. Fake Alex was rambling about something and Howard hung up saying they were going nowhere with that. Robin said that's because they hadn't written anything down.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis and Chad said he thinks he's being a pussy about Alex Jones. He said he has bitched at Roger Waters for hours about the Jew thing. Howard said he seems to be the only one saying something about Roger Waters. Howard said he's not going to spend the whole show on it. Chad said he wants him to get pissed of at him. Howard told him to get the fuck off the phone. Howard said he's pointing something out and people complain. Howard asked what the fuck you want from him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said yesterday she said to listen to Andy Cohen. She said that he blind sided her with a question about Wendy Williams questions and she didn't even hear that. She said shame on Andy for that. Howard hung up on her and asked why he took that call. Howard said Beth said she had a good time on the show. Howard said he can't sit and listen to radio all day so he didn't hear it. Howard said he was busy yesterday.
Robin asked if he watched Game of Thrones. Howard said he did. He said he was talking to his daughter and he said he was going to go up and watch TV. He left out the masturbation part. He said she doesn't watch the show. Howard said this week's wasn't so good but it's hard to top last week's show. Howard said they need those dragons killing people. Howard said those dragons just barbecue people and don't eat. He said they need to eat some people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he believes that Putin is about the trashiest person in the world. Howard said it used to be so simple to be an American. Howard said no one can identify that Putin is a cunt. Howard said that no one wants him fucking around with the elections. Howard said we have to get serious about this shit. Howard said there are guys dying in Afghanistan and Iraq and we had people die fighting in World War II. He said now we have people bending over and taking it in the ass from Putin. Howard said Hitler was gassing the Jews by the millions. Howard said they stuck the Jews in the desert. He said he can't take this anymore. He said he knows who is right and who is wrong. Howard said Putin is a snake. Howard said North Korea is a danger to the world... He said he gives up. Howard said he doesn't get why anyone wants to be around Putin. Howard said the guy has billions of dollars because he took money from the people of Russia. Howard said he has more money than Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates. Howard said the guy kills journalists. Howard asked why people are feeling bad for him.
Howard said all of this is going on and there are lizard people out there. Robin said you know there are none of those in Russia.
Howard said Erik shouldn't want a doctor who wants to be on the air. Erik said that's true. Erik said he's waiting to talk to him now. Howard said go do that. Erik said he'll call tomorrow. Howard wished him luck.
Howard said he has some clips from Erik's apartment where his lawyer is playing sound effects through a speaker. Howard said this is driving Erik nuts. Howard played a clip and this guy Vinnie plays clips while Erik is trying to do something. Erik said he would cover the cameras if he didn't stop. Vinnie played some baseball clips and Erik said he'd shut it off if he didn't stop. Erik said he's raising his blood pressure. Howard said that's great. Robin said it is annoying. Howard asked what lawyer has time for this. Robin said according to Shuli he thinks it's his job to make it entertaining. Howard said usually Erik is just sitting there so that's working.
Howard said you can hear the sounds of a forest in the next clip. He said Erik screams about his breakfast in this one. Howard played the clip and Erik was ordering breakfast while this was playing. Erik kept telling him to stop with that. Howard said he's piping them in because Erik doesn't get out much. Robin said Erik got upset because the lawyer was saying something about seeing him in his natural habitat.
Gary said they play Hail to the Chief every time Erik walks into his apartment. Howard said this guy might be a comedian.
Howard said Erik asked Vinnie to delete comments from the chat in his chat room. JD came in and said that Vinnie will start putting gay porn on Erik's computer screen too. He has complete control over the computer.
Howard played a clip of this guy Vinnie on Facetime with Erik and Erik is telling him that they have to stop some of this family talk. Vinnie said that he'll get it stopped. He said he has to put on the monitor. Erik said he'll stab all of these people if they don't stop. Vinnie said he has to stop with that. Erik told Vinnie what he wants out of there. People were posting about how they fucked his mom. Erik said he was going to sue them all.
Howard said he's not sure what law school he went to but now he's ended up with Erik. Robin said maybe he went to the Three Stooges law school.
Howard said he has another clip of Erik asking people to order food for him. He said he orders sushi. Howard played the clip and Erik asked for someone to order the stuff for him. He asked for some sushi and some Miso soup. Howard said the world is his Alexa. Howard said it's like he found a Genie.
Howard said he knows it sounds exciting over there but he's just giving the highlights. Howard did an impression of Erik ordering people around.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who he thought he had banned. Tommy asked how he can ban him. Tommy asked if Nazi's have the right to march in America. Howard said of course they do. Tommy asked why they were attacked then. Howard said you can't start physical violence. Tommy said the other side started it. Howard said when you lay hands on someone then the law has to step in. Tommy said that they told them to stand down and then they let them go at each other.
Howard said one guy did kill a woman. Tommy said it was one guy, not a side. He said they have the right to march. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said he doesn't want to sit and debate. Howard asked if people are defending Nazi's now. Robin said yes they are. She said there are holocaust deniers out there. Howard said he has to ban him again until next time. Howard asked if they know how many people died killing Nazis. Howard said he doesn't understand this. Howard said leave him alone with this. It's a stupid conversation.
Howard said the Nazis had their chance and they blew it. Howard said they almost controlled the world but they didn't. Robin said no one can control the world. Robin said they end up dead when they try. Howard said it's time to move on from that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to know why more people aren't against China. He said that we just keep hearing about Russia. Howard said China is a bunch of scumbags too. Howard said we're to blame for that too. He said that this communist government took over. Howard said they're horrible. He said they spend all day trying to ban the internet from that country. He said they just want to be free over there and their government is stopping it. Howard said they talk about China and Russia being scumbags. Howard said everyone should be talking about that.
The caller said everything in his house is made in China. He said he doesn't see anything being made in Russia. Howard said he gets that. He said he's doing his part there. Howard said he is talking about it. He said they call him General Stern.
Fred played the Star Spangled Banner and Howard started to sing it with Autotune. Howard said he's exhausted from the show already and they're only 45 minutes into it. Howard said they're not in charge of anything but Jeff the Vomit Guy. Robin said call your president. Howard said yeah, don't call us.
Howard said now they'll find out if Pete will cave in or not. Howard played the clip and Sal called Pete and tells him they have this chick who keeps calling for Pete. He puts her on with Pete. Her name is Debbie. The woman gets on and tells Pete about the smelly Indian guy who she had as a cab driver. Then she asked if he has ever dated a black girl. Pete said no. She was happy about that. Debbie said she's not black, don't worry. She said some are alright but not great. She said she heard he's packing like a black guy. She asked him to go out with her but she wondered if he's going to Jew her on the bill. Debbie asked Pete where they should meet up. She said she likes to fart on Chinese people because it makes them smell better. Pete laughed at all of this stuff. Pete said he's not racist so he can't do all of this stuff. Debbie said she's just joking. She said she doesn't like Mexicans either. Pete said that's fine. Debbie said she'll call Pete soon.
Howard said Pete did cave. He said Debbie was in Charlottesville this weekend. He said she's fine. Howard said that's Medicated Luther King. Robin said he's shown his true colors now. Robin asked if they told him she's never going to call. Howard said he thinks they did. Howard said it's so disappointing. Howard said those standards went right out the window.
Howard said now they have their answer. He said most men cave right in just like Pete did. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said Ronnie informed him that he is leaving early to go shoot that Adam Sandler movie. Howard said he shouldn't have to leave work early. He said he should schedule that for after work. Howard said Richard Christy did the Guardians of the Galaxy movie and he was able to work around work. He said Ronnie has a shitty little part and no lines. He said he's not sure why he's doing it. Howard said he tried to tell Benjy about how shitty his part is in Sharknado 5. Howard said Benjy is the one doing them the favor. Howard said they should be sucking his dick. Howard said no one is talking about Sharknado. He said they put him in it so he'll talk about it on the air. Howard said they give him the shittiest part.
Howard said Richard was in Guardians of the Galaxy and they gave him a shitty part too. Howard said Richard is a sucker. Howard said now Ronnie is going to do the movie and he doesn't even have any lines. He said he's basically an extra. Howard said they could send the Flat Ronnie over there. Howard said Richard is leaving early to do it too.
Howard said they get more air time being in there than they do getting into a movie. Howard said they might call on them to do parts on shows that won't get any ratings. Howard said everyone takes their career for granted. He said that you have to have some god damn dignity. Howard said there's an open call for more extras and they're paying people $125 to do that. Howard said you can be in the same scene with Ronnie. Howard said you don't miss your paying job for a shitty job. He said it's fucking unbelievable.
Howard asked where Ronnie is. Howard had him come in. He said it's just weird for him to have him leaving early. Howard said he doesn't even have any lines. Ronnie came in and said he did tell them he was working. He said he had someone to cover for him later in the morning. Howard asked why he would do that for a non-speaking role. Howard said they could cast Flat Ronnie in there. Ronnie said he's not leaving until 10 o'clock. Howard said this is his real job. He said Benjy looks like an idiot in that Sharknado movie.
Robin said now it's costing more to have him in that stupid movie for Howard. Ronnie asked what she means. Robin asked if he has to pay the person who replaces Ronnie. Ronnie said he has to pay the guy.
Howard said he has this job there and he should tell them he has to work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Ronnie said he tried to tell them that but he caved. He said he asked them if they could shoot it last week when they were on vacation. Howard said he should just tell them he's not available. He has a job.
Howard said Richard did it on his own time. Howard said Benjy does it and he's bringing more to the table than Sharknado. Howard said he would think that he's more important to Ronnie than that movie. Ronnie said he is. Howard said he's not thinking shit through. Howard said it's one thing if Adam is giving him something.
Howard said Gary said Ronnie didn't know his lines. He said that he doesn't listen to the show so he had to tell Gary that Ronnie doesn't have any lines. He's like an extra.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who asked Ronnie for suggestions on how to play a mail box who doesn't have any lines. Ronnie told the guy to go get some socks.
Fred said he's had offers to do stuff and he says no if it's during a show. Howard said Ronnie should do the same.
Howard said Ronnie should just tell them he has a job and say no thanks. Howard asked Gary what he thinks. Gary said he thought they were going to have him just be Ronnie. He said Jason brought him the call for the extras. Gary said he did a Sandler movie but he did it when he was off and out in L.A. He said if it was during work he would have said no.
Howard told Ronnie to have a good time but he has to have some dignity. Howard said he may stand around all day doing nothing. Howard asked what he has to do to get dedicated employees who will just work there.
Gary gave Howard the casting sheet for the extras for the film. they're looking for people 8-88 to be extras. Howard said that's Ronnie's role. Ronnie said he's getting way more than the $125. Howard said that's the role though. Howard said anyone can do what he's doing. Howard told him to have a good shoot today.
Howard took a call from Chad from St. Louis again who asked why it always comes back to Howard. Howard said he's trying to elevate the show. He said they don't know how great they have it there. Howard asked Chad what business he runs. Chad said he doesn't run one. Chad asked if his therapist has ever talked to him about self compassion. Howard told him to get the fuck off his phone again.
Howard took a call from Benjy who asked what time the call for the extras was. Howard asked if he gets what he was saying about Sharknado. Benjy said he does understand but they called him and had him come in to do the part on that day. He said that he didn't do it on a work day. Howard hung up on him a short time later. Howard said he's glad he called in because he can just hang up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with him about Ronnie and what the other guys are doing. He said he played an extra and made like $200 a day. Howard said that's what you do when you're a kid. The caller said he has been a listener for about a year now. He said these guys are making good money. He said if he made money like that he'd be working like an intern for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard is trying to make a job for them there and they are taking advantage of him. He said they have 30 million listeners who would quit their jobs to work for him and these guys don't realize how great they have it. Howard wished Ronnie luck today. He told him to go enjoy himself. Fred played Sal saying ''Howard is a sucker'' while they were talking about that.
Ronnie said he's doing a scene with Steve Buscemi today. Howard said he's not even in it with Adam Sandler. Howard said today is Good Movie Shoot Tuesday with Ronnie. Howard asked what happened to Boobie Tuesday. Ronnie said it's a special day. Howard played a song that Ronnie did about his different days of the week. Howard said he should call it half a day at work Tuesday.
Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions and had him making up more names for the days of the week. Howard played another song parody that Ronnie performed.
Gary said that the guys were busting his balls this morning about not having lines and Ronnie asked them if their phones are blowing up like his is. Howard said he's wondering if he can get Sandler's driver on the show today. Howard said he's probably busy working for Adam. Howard said in this role he's not even speaking and he's taking off from work. Howard said Eric the Actor had better roles. Robin said Beetlejuice too. Howard said even Beet has better roles than Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie is in silent films. Howard and Fred did more of their Ronnie impressions. They were coming up with all kinds of crazy stuff that Ronnie might say. They had Ronnie singing another song about his days of the week to the tune of ''Happy Days.''
Howard said Ronnie isn't going to speak in the movie. He wishes he wouldn't speak there. He said he's out in the halls talking all the time. Howard said Ronnie just has to stand there doing nothing on the movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie is still getting paid today. Howard said he's getting his full salary. Howard said he has no respect. Howard said he's doing it for a non-talking part. Howard said his stand in is a plant. Howard said that as Ronnie. He had Ronnie talking about the plant standing in for him. Howard said he should have said he's not available on a Tuesday. Ronnie wasn't saying much. Howard said he must be getting through to him. Ronnie said there's nothing to say. He said the only thing is... Howard asked what. Ronnie told him never mind. He said he knew he was coming to work today and he'd be leaving around 10. He said that's the only reason he did it. Howard said he's not going to say anything.
Howard said Robert Smigel is going to be directing him. He said that's pretty cool. Fred and Howard did their impressions of Ronnie talking to Smigel about his talking dog. Howard said he's leaving early to go stand in a funeral scene. Howard asked what's wrong with his guys.
Ronnie said now he doesn't want to go there. He said he's going to look like a douche. Howard said he's going to be standing there all day doing nothing. Ronnie said they have to move locations at night so it won't be all day. Howard said Ronnie is willing to work anywhere but there.
Howard said go do your thing and they look forward to seeing him in the movie. Ronnie said he bets. Howard said go ahead. He said he may end up on the cutting room floor. Howard said he's very happy for him. Robin laughed. Howard said it should be an interesting experience.
Howard and Fred were still doing their Ronnie impressions. Howard said he's going to be working with Steve Buscemi. Howard said he made a big mistake when he saw Steve Buscemi and wanted to show his appreciation. He said hi to Steve and he looked up with his meatball eyes. He said that he told him he loves Boardwalk Empire and the guy looked at him like he was such an asshole. Howard said the guy is a great actor though. Howard said he's sure Buscemi thought the roles would be coming in. Now he's with Ronnie the Limo Driver.
Howard said they were trying to cut all the songs with Ronnie. He had some outtakes. Howard played some of those. They had Ronnie coming up with names in the Happy Days song parody. Howard said there you go after playing the clip.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said just apologize to Howard when you make a mistake. He said they have such passive aggressive behavior toward Howard. Ronnie came back in and asked if he got defensive. Ralph said that he was acting like he's not going to have a great day. He said he made excuses too. He said that it's all about Ronnie and not about the other people. Ronnie thanked Ralph for that. Howard said he heard Ronnie was out in the hall saying that this was ruining his day. Ronnie said he wants to hear who said that. Howard said he was corrected and he actually said it on the air. Howard said he didn't ruin his day. He ruined his own day.
Howard said Ronnie is leaving the show early to go shoot a non-speaking role. Howard said he didn't know he was doing that until this morning. Ronnie said he did tell him before that. He said if he didn't want him doing it then he should have said something. Howard said they called his agent and asked if that was okay for him to do. He said he told his agent it was a nice thing to do and he should pass it on to Ronnie. He said after that he's done with it. He has nothing to do with the timing of it. Howard said he should do it if he wants to. Robin said he was so excited about it that he didn't even look at it to see what it was. Howard said he doesn't mind him being an extra but it's during work hours.
Ralph said it's not like there's no time to do it when Ronnie's not working. Ronnie said they said they couldn't do it. Howard said he should have said he was out then. Ronnie said he should have. Howard said he should have said he has work. Howard said instead of that he just said he would be there. Ronnie said he told them he would see what he could do to work it out.
Ronnie said he didn't find out about not having lines until after he had worked it out. He said his name is Ronnie the Limo Driver in it. He said that he has no idea what he's even doing. Ronnie said he doesn't have to read the script if he doesn't have lines. Howard asked what if it says ''Shithead number 5 carries a casket.'' Ralph said maybe he's in the casket. Ronnie said he knows he's not in the casket.
Howard asked what he thinks he would do if he was asked to do a movie instead of working on the radio show. Ronnie said he knows what Howard would do. Howard asked how he knows he's not going to have pig's blood dumped on him. Ralph said he'd be curious to read the script just to know what he'll be doing.
Howard told Ronnie to go ahead and do the movie. Ronnie said he's not going. He said he's going to call them right now and not go. Howard said now he's going to look like the bad guy. Howard told Ronnie to leave now to be sure he's on time. Howard said they have a new movie coming out where they want Ronnie to play a coat rack. Ronnie said he did those two parts on Cougar Town and he had lines in that. He did Limitless and he had lines too. He said he still gets checks from that. Ralph said he gets checks from Howard too. Ronnie said Ralph doesn't do anything either. He said he hears about Ralph not showing up to work. Howard said he doesn't talk about that in the car. Howard said they should work around Ronnie's hours and go work on the set of the movie. Howard said he can go do the movie and then they'll finish the show when Ronnie returns.
Howard told Ronnie to go shoot the movie and he'll send Shuli over there. Howard said it'll be funny to hear how he's not doing anything on the set. Howard said he can't wait to see his scene. Howard said he's Charlie Chaplain over there.
Howard did an impression of a movie announcer talking about Ronnie being a coffin holder. Howard said he's Daniel Day Mund. Howard said he doesn't speak but he says it all in action. Robin said he does all of his own stunts too. Howard said he's holding his own coffin. Howard wondered if everyone in the scene is skipping their jobs. Howard made up more movie announcer stuff for Ronnie's parts.
Ralph asked if Ronnie knows what's happening in the scene. Ronnie said Stephanie knows that they do talk about him at times. Howard said he should go by three names now. He said he should be Ronald Norman Mund. Howard made up more stuff as the movie announcer. Howard had him starring with Stephen Colbert's limo driver and Jimmy Fallon's landscaper.
Robin said she hopes he gets screen time after all of this. Howard said it's going to be some movie. He said Ronnie is going to steal the movie. Robin said he'll steal it when it's in the can. Howard asked what the movie is called. Ronnie said it's something like ''The Week Of'' or something. Howard said he can't wait for the Academy Awards. Howard did the announcer voice and gave the award for best Pallbearer to Ronald Norman Mund. Fred was doing his Ronnie impression and getting all excited about the win. Howard had Ronnie getting all worked up about it.
Howard said he could have a title of ''Old Creep'' in the movie. Ralph was cracking up at that. Howard said it's a movie like they've never seen before. He said that the Old Creep has a panther tattoo that just about leaps off the screen. He said he moles around his shark look like pebbles on the beach. Howard was doing the announcer voice and introducing Ronald Norman Mund.
Howard kept making up more and more stuff about Ronnie. Ronnie took a call from Stephanie while all of that was going on. Ronnie said the movie is called ''The Week Of'' like he said it was. He said he's number 76 on the call sheet.
Ralph asked if he knows anyone else who is in it. Ronnie said he doesn't know anything. Howard said he's getting dizzy from this. He said he has to go. Howard said Ronnie has to go actually. Ralph said he has another hour and 10 minutes to hang out before he leaves. Ronnie said he has a car coming for him. Howard said the car has as many lines as he does. Howard and Fred kept going with the Ronnie impressions. Howard said he really does have to take a break. Howard said his chest hurts from laughing. Fred did his Triumph the Insult Comic Dog impression and had him directing Ronnie in the movie. Howard was cracking himself up coming up with lines about Ronnie and the stuff he's talked about on the air. Ronnie said it's going to be a great day. Ralph said he's dying to know what the scene is. Fred said he's playing a cock ring.
Howard said this is the best. He heard he's stressed out over the Screen Actors Guild vote. Howard said he throws them in the garbage. Ronnie said he voted. He said he voted for the chick that's already in charge. He said he liked her in 90210. Howard said Esai Morales is up against Gabrielle Carteris. Ronnie said he voted for her. Ralph said this is who is voting. Ronnie said he liked Gabrielle in 90210 so that's why he voted for her. Howard said he votes for anyone with a cunt.
Howard was doing more of his outrageous Ronnie talking about why he's voting for the person with the cunt. Ronnie asked who said he was complaining about this. Robin asked why he's even talking about it. Ronnie said he wasn't talking about it. Gary said that he did complain about it to one guy. Ronnie asked why he would talk to anyone about it. Howard said that's how it got back to him. Ronnie said he didn't talk about it to anyone there. He said the only person was Stephanie.
Howard did more of his Ronnie talking about the reason he voted for the woman. He said he voted for the one who had the steamy piss flaps. Ronnie said he has to go. Howard and Fred kept going with their impressions of Ronnie.
Howard said Ronnie's driver for the Sandler movie is on the phone. Howard picked up and one of the guys in the back was doing a Ronnie impression talking about how he had to be on the set of a Spade movie after he drops off Ronnie. Ronnie asked if he's wearing his orange sneakers today. Howard told him to try to suspend disbelief. Howard let the driver go a short time later.
Howard said they had some fun with that. Ronnie didn't sound so thrilled with it. The guys continued to goof on him. Ronnie told Ralph he doesn't care what he says. Howard wanted to hear it. Ralph would try to speak and Ronnie talked over him every time. Ronnie asked if he can go now. Howard and Fred were still goofing on him.
Ronnie said he's going to be presenting at the Exotic Dancer Awards in Vegas soon. He said he hasn't been able to do it the past 5 years because they had to work. He said this time they're off. Howard said Ronnie is running off to do the movie with no speaking. Ronnie said he has to go. Howard kept goofing on him. Howard wondered how long they can keep this going. He and Fred were coming up with the categories they might have in the Exotic Dancer Awards. They had all kinds of disgusting categories they were throwing out there. Howard said that's enough with Ronnie. He told him to go shoot his movie. Ralph said this is Howard's fault because he created this monster. Robin said he's their Frankenstein. Howard let Ralph go and said he's getting some air time in. He said that he's just jealous of Ronnie. Howard said he hopes that Smigel uses the puppet to direct Ronnie. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard said Chris Matthews started coughing on his show. He said it's pretty good. Howard played the clip where Matthews was speaking and then he starts to cough. He keeps talking and then coughs some more.
Howard said JD made a list of his top 5 cough attacks. Howard wondered how JD's day was yesterday. Robin asked why that is. Howard said the in-laws were leaving and they had talked about that on the air. Robin said they may have left before he got home. Howard said he heard that JD's fiancee gets upset when JD is on the air. Gary said that she gets upset in general when he's being made fun of. JD came in and said she actually likes it. He said she doesn't mind it usually.
Howard said it was crazy that Ronnie took a movie role during work hours. JD said he doesn't know his set schedule but he should be there at 10. Howard said JD would never do that. JD said no. He said no one is looking for him to act. Not yet at least.
Howard asked if JD is jealous of Ronnie. JD said no but he'd like to work in the movie industry eventually.
Howard said they have a picture of the actual tent that JD used. He said they planned it to get there at midnight. JD said the whole thing was just wrong. He said they did everything wrong. Howard said at midnight you just want to lay down and go to sleep. JD said she knows how to do that tent so it didn't take long. Howard said the tent looks like a one person tent. JD said it is. Howard said it's tiny. JD said it's her's and she knows how to do it. JD said he fit in it. Howard said to show up at midnight and then pitch a tent is tough. JD said it only took like 10-15 minutes to set it up.
Gary said he was shocked at how small it was. He said it was tiny. Howard said it's a weird tent. He said it's like something you put a dog in at the beach.
Howard said it was driving him crazy that they got there at midnight. Howard said if it's a 9 hour trip you leave early. JD said she wanted to do a hike early in the morning and it was a whole thing. Robin said that JD isn't camping savvy. She said you don't show up at midnight. Howard said she sounds like she's a fanatic about hiking. JD said that she wanted to go hiking early in the morning. Howard asked why they didn't leave early to drive up. JD said they left around 5 in the evening. Howard asked why they would do that. JD said she was excited to get going. She had to work that day.
Howard asked if he ever puts his foot down. JD said she wants a dog and he's putting his foot down. He said he does not want a dog. Howard said he's glad he said that. He said there are people who get dogs and they can't handle it. Howard said they don't think one is right so they get another and another. He said he's glad JD is putting his foot down. JD said he picks his battles.
Howard said he's glad he's being honest about that. Howard said some things you just have to say no to. JD said some day they'll have a yard and then they can get one. Howard said he lives in the city now. He said JD doesn't get much sleep as it is. He said it's a lot of work and you have to be up for it. Howard asked if he puts his foot down on anything else. Robin said she doesn't think so. JD said he won't go to the Ballet anymore. He said he'll buy her tickets but he won't go. He did go see Hello Dolly. They had a song parody from Daniel Mendelson where he was playing JD singing Hello Dolly.
Howard asked if JD sang at all during the show. JD said he did not. Howard asked why not. JD said he did go to see The Nutcracker. JD said Richard saw that too. Howard said Richard likes anything with the word ''nut'' in it.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thought it was real camping that JD was doing. She said when she heard it had showers and toilets she knew it wasn't. She said they're for children and women. JD said he's so not a man. He thanked her for the call. He said this is like his Twitter feed all day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this isn't JD's fault at all. He said it's the fiancee's fault. JD told him to hold on. Howard said he's trying to defend JD. JD was just laughing. Howard said everyone is taking sides.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why JD is so whipped. Howard said JD never had a girl before. JD said she's been wanting to do this for a couple of years. Robin said he folded and she knows that now. Howard said he has to get to JD's favorite coughing bits but he did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
JD had some coughing clips that he liked. He had one from a guy in Cleveland who started coughing while talking about West Nile Virus. He was coughing a lot and wasn't able to get the whole story out. Howard said he likes it because it sounds like he has West Nile. Howard said that would make a good movie where they talk about something like that and get sick.
Howard told JD to do number 4. JD had a sports anchor who was trying to hold off a cough. Howard played the clip and the guy was trying to hold it in while he was doing a report. He wasn't able to keep it in though. The guy kept coughing while the other reporters took over. Howard said Jeff the Drunk is at home thinking he could be a sportscaster. Howard said yesterday Jeff was on saying that he has COPD and he quit smoking cigarettes but he smokes weed. He said he doesn't cough when he smokes weed but when he did that he did cough. JD said he wasn't coughing as hard as usual. Howard said he was trying to hold it back.
Howard said he got an email from a respiratory therapist who said they had diagnosed the COPD months ago. He said that Jeff is basically done. He said start the eulogies now. Howard said Brent was telling him that pot smoke isn't bad for you. Robin said it is irritating though. JD said he's not smoking anything. Howard said JD is high enough. He's high on life. JD said he doesn't know about that.
Brent came in and Howard asked if he did something to his head. Brent said he shaved it on Sunday. Howard said it's hard losing your hair. Brent said it's terrible. Brent said you just shave it and go with it. He said you don't do what Bobo did and wear that ridiculous thing on your head.
Howard said Brent just celebrated his third year with them. Brent said no one is going to ask him to do anything like Ronnie is doing. He said he has a standing no for any interviews or anything like that.
Howard asked if it's been better working for this show or Bubba's show. Brent said it's this show. Howard said Bubba is going to freak. Brent said he was in charge of everything at Bubba's show. He said here he has a better more focused job. He said he's in charge of one thing. Howard asked if this show or fucking whores in Okinawa was better. Brent said this show.
Brent said in 2006 UCLA did a study about pot smoke and they found that it's not like cigarette smoke. He said the tobacco is treated with radioactive pesticides and that's what people are smoking. He said with the pot you don't get that. Howard said if you burn wood in your house it's like smoking cigarettes. Brent said that Usaine Bolt and Michael Phelps are both big pot smokers. He said that they're the fastest men on earth.
Howard asked if Jeff should keep smoking weed. Brent said he's not a doctor so he won't say that. Robin asked if they did study on people who smoke weed and cigarettes. Brent said he doesn't know about that. He said that Jeff smokes a ton of cigarettes. Robin said you'd think pot smoking would be bad for Jeff. Howard said maybe he should eat edibles.
Howard said he heard Brent ate 15 edibles at an Iron Maiden concert. Brent said it was great. Howard said he knows people who take one and they're wrecked. Brent said maybe they're light weights. Robin said she'd have to get high to see Iron Maiden too. Brent said it was such a great show. He said his favorite band of all time is Pink Floyd. Brent said that he does think Roger waters is a dick though.
Howard said there's a lot of Glen Campbell videos out now that he died and he was a great guitar player. Howard said he did a bunch of rock stuff.
Howard said he's not that familiar with Iron Maiden. Howard said he thinks about Zeppelin when he thinks of heavy metal. Howard said Ozzy is right up there too. Howard asked if he thinks of Metallica. Brent said he does. He said he thinks Iron Maiden is better. Howard told him to get out of there. He said he can't take him seriously now. Howard said he had a good 3 years there now get out.
Howard asked what his favorite movie is. Brent said ''The Big Lebowski.'' Howard said he's got to be kidding. Brent said that's his favorite comedy. Howard said he asked what his favorite movie is. Brent said Saving Private Ryan is up there too. Howard said he's not vibing with him today. Brent said he has a lot of likes in music. He said Pink Floyd is his favorite of all time. He said he loves the Stones too. Howard said he's off his rocker. He likes the Pink Floyd better than the Beatles. Howard argued with him about that. He said that Pink Floyd is good but not better than the Beatles. Brent said he's more of an Elvis fan than the Beatles. Howard said no wonder Bubba threw him out.
Fred played some Iron Maiden. Howard asked if he really thinks this is better than Metallica. Brent said he can sing better than James. Howard said he might have to have a battle of the bands in there between the two.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she works for a cancer center and she does behind the scenes stuff. She said she keeps records and things like that. Howard asked if she gets paid well. She said she works in the South East and it can be between $60,000 to $100,000. She said she works from home doing that too. Howard said that's pretty cool. She said she is listening to the nonsense and she usually likes what Brent has to say. She said that he is an educated guy. She said whenever she hears Jeff she wants to vomit. She said that Jeff has major issues. She said that Jeff has COPD and he must have lungs like ground glass. She said the deal with pot smoking is that he should not be doing it. She said that the data is out there and Brent can look it up. Brent said they say that THC kills cancer. the caller said it does not. Howard asked what cup size she is. She said she's between a B and C because she lost a lot of weight. The caller was going on and on but Howard said he agrees with her. He let her go after that. He told her to send him a photo of herself.
Howard thanked Brent too. Brent said Iron Maiden rules. Howard said he's sure they do. Howard asked on what planet Metallica would be behind Iron Maiden. JD said he doesn't like the higher singing. He likes a growling.
Howard said his dad brought home the entire Doors catalog and he threw it out. He didn't like them. Robin said they were a decent band. JD said he likes ''Not to Touch The Earth.'' Howard said he doesn't know that one. they all did their impressions of JD singing.
Howard said JD was doing his top 5 list. Howard asked what's next. JD said they have Mike Woods coughing on Good Day New York. Howard played the clip and Mike was having trouble with a tickle in his throat. He wasn't able to stop coughing.
Howard said that shows how archaic newscasts are. Howard said the app on his iPhone never coughs. Howard asked who is getting their weather from those guys. Robin said High Pitch Erik is. Howard said that's because he's jerking off to him. Howard said he never hears Siri coughing when he asks for the weather. Howard said he never hears anyone getting their weather from the weather man. Robin said some people like to hear it from their friends in the morning.
Howard asked JD what they have at number 2. JD said this is from NBC Sports when Rebecca Loh started coughing while she was doing highlights. Howard played the clip of her coughing. She was trying to speak and wasn't able to get anything out so they moved on to someone else. Howard said Jeff the Drunk just called in saying he's worried about her COPD.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk about Brent. He said he thinks everything he says you should take the opposite and that's the way to go. Howard said this guy thinks Brent doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard said he has a lot of information. The caller said it's all wrong.
Howard asked JD where they are. They were at number 1. JD said this is good and it's in 2 parts. He said this was in Arkansas and this weather girl was unable to stop coughing. Howard played the clip and the weather girl was having trouble with her cough in one segment. She kept going for a few but then turned it over to the news anchors. She was still coughing in the background. Howard said all she had to do was not cough for 30 seconds of her entire day.
Howard played the second part of the clip. In that one the woman was still coughing and threw it to the news anchor again. She was still coughing in the background. Howard laughed as he heard her coughing.
Howard said it sounds like Gary's soul mate. Howard said it's a big report about tornados. Howard said it turns out she's allergic to tornados. Howard said he used to cough as a kid and his mom would tell him to stop with all the coughing. She'd tell him you don't need to cough. He said that's how she talked to him. He said that got him to quiet the fuck down. Howard said he still thinks he can control it.
Howard said his mother put up with nothing. He said she'd ask about what's up with all of these involuntary responses. Howard said it's true though. He said he told his kids the same thing and realized he sounded like an idiot. He said he told them to go ask their grandmother.
Howard said when he'd tell them they don't need to cough his mother would say she never said that to him. He said she had a thing with coughing. Robin said a lot of coughing is voluntary. Howard said maybe so.
Howard thanked JD for the list. He said that was pretty good. Howard said he was listening to a chick on some channel where she was in the middle of a newscast and she started wandering around not making sense. JD said she lost her train of thought in the middle of her report. Howard said that was weird. JD said that was from the CBC. Howard told Robin to listen to this. Howard played a clip of the reporter doing her report about a girl riding a skate board and holding on to a Jeep and she got run over. Then she was repeating herself and cursing. She lost her train of thought and they moved away from her live report.
Howard said she wasn't making sense at all. He said she got hung up on RNC. Robin said that she got hung up on the RNC saying this wasn't common. Howard said that's how he feels on this show too. He said he loves fuck ups on TV. He loved when she said ''Fuck.'' Robin said she hopes she's okay. Howard said if they had her there she'd be rewarded for that.
Howard said Beth got tired and she had to go. He said it was very lovely. He said he's going to send a check. Robin said Mariann said that J-Lo was there. Howard said first of all there's a seating arrangement there. He said J-Lo and A-Rod were way up front. Howard said he's pretty successful and he's used to going to the Knick games and sitting up front. Howard said he has an image. He said he was way behind Chris Rock and A-Rod and J-Lo. He said the big stars were up front. Howard said it was kind of weird. He said he could point out some people who shouldn't be in front of him. Howard said J-Lo doesn't make people laugh for 4 hours. Howard said he saw her at a wedding once and she ran from him like he was the plague. He said he got to talk to her husband who was a nice guy. He said he was able to get along with him but she wasn't.
Howard said he saw the back of her head but he didn't talk to her. Howard said he was way back from her. He said that he did wonder what the fuck was going on. He said that there were some famous people there who had a better view of the stage than he did. Howard said he just won't go back. He said he will still support the charity... maybe. He said it was a good show. Robin asked if they think he's JD at a Samantha Bee event. Howard said he's sitting there picking his ass with Don Johnson. Howard laughed. He said he's top shelf. He said that as Ronnie. Howard asked if he's an extra in an Adam Sandler movie.
Robin said she's laughing thinking about JD getting moved from the table he sat at to the right table in the back. Howard said Jimmy Fallon wrote to him asking where he sat and he was embarrassed to write back. Howard said he sat next to Screech and Butch Patrick. Howard said he loves Butch by the way. Robin said she does too. Howard said Screech has a very big penis according to him.
Howard said that he's a big star and suddenly he's High Pitch Erik. He said he was right behind Scott Baio. Robin said he was looking at the back of Tan Mom. Howard said he was between Marcia Brady and Erkle. Howard said he wasn't that important. Howard said his hot wife doesn't need to see him in that position. He said with his celebrity he's one of the most famous people there in New York but some people don't want to acknowledge it. Howard said they wonder who he is.
Howard said they can have their party out there. Howard said he's not a snob but he has a reputation to keep up. Howard said he's A-list but he was G-list that night. He said he's not as important as that guy from the Patriots, Robert Kraft. Howard said Steven Seagal pushed him out of the way. He said Lou Ferrigno told him to get out of the way. Howard did his impression of Lou for a second and then did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Robin started her news with a story about Tiger Woods and what was in his system when he was arrested on a DUI. Robin said he was on a lot of drugs that night. Howard said he thought he was on prescription stuff. Robin said there were a bunch. Robin read the list and he had THC among the prescription drugs. Howard said the mighty have fallen.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone was cutting out. The caller asked what his favorite movie is. Howard said it's the remake of Rush Hour with Asian Pete and Leon Spinks. Howard said listen to this. He played the bit with Asian Pete and Leon Spinks as the stars of the Rush Hour movie reboot. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Taylor Swift's trial being over. Robin said they found in her favor in the legal battle against the DJ who allegedly grabbed her butt during a photo op. Robin had some more details about that.
Robin read a story about a study that found moderate drinkers are healthier than non drinkers and heavy drinkers. Howard said he's a moderate drinker. Robin wondered who did the study. Howard said Brent. Robin read more details about the study.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found that people can't be fat and fit like some think. Robin said that people who are overweight have a higher risk of heart disease and other things. Howard said of course. Howard said you can't be fat and fit. Howard said Gary is kind of fat and fit. Robin said there is no such thing as being fit obese. Howard said sorry to the guys in the office. Howard said that's like saying you can be dumb but smart. He said if you're dumb you're dumb.
Robin read a story about Bill Gates giving $4.6 billion to charity. Howard was still going on about how you can't be fit and fat. He said you can't be ugly and hot. Howard said that's like him. He said he's hot and ugly to Beth. Robin read more about Bill Gates and how even that $4.6 billion won't topple him from the number 1 spot.
Robin read a story about President Trump's slow reaction to the incident in Charlottesville. Robin said that the late night show hosts got to weigh in on that. Robin had audio of Jimmy Fallon talking about that on his show. Robin said that Jimmy Kimmel used a less somber approach. Robin had a clip. Howard said Jimmy is going to stop by and do two days with them soon. Howard said he is great on the show so he'll hang for a couple of days.
Robin said Robert Scaramucci was on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Robin had some audio of him talking to Colbert. Howard said they tried to get him on their show but they can't. Robin said she heard he might be coming to TV talk. Howard said he has to be that guy who talked to The New Yorker. Howard said he might be with Ronnie today in that Adam Sandler movie. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Susan Sarandon speaking out about the incident in Charlottesville. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Howard said he remembers seeing her in some movie where she had big jugs. Robin was wondering what he was talking abut. Howard said it was the Island of Big Jugs maybe. Fred said maybe it was The Tempest. Howard said that's it.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Vomit Guy who wasn't there when he picked up. Howard said he can't hear anything. He wondered if he was doing something wrong. Howard said his phones might be dead. Howard said that happens on a regular basis. He said he's guessing they're done. Jim McClure came in and did something. Howard got a dial tone. Howard said heads are going to have to roll. Howard tried picking up on King of All Blacks who was there. Howard said it's just Jeff the Vomit Guy. Howard said he didn't want to talk to anyone else. King said he saw him on Extra or one of those shows and he looked young. He said he was next to Beth and he said he looked young. Howard said there are times when he looks halfway decent. He said he looks real bad when the camera guys shoot up. He said then he looks like a monster. King said sometimes he looks like his mother. He said no disrespect meant. Howard said he has to go. He hung up on King a short time later.
Howard took a call from Ralph and asked what he wants. Ralph said he saw Scaramucci on Colbert last night and he was bullying him. He said he should have come in there. Howard said he told his people that through Gary. He said he wants the whole scoop. Howard said there are a million questions. Ralph said the guy has a sense of humor about himself. He said he should watch the whole thing.
Howard said Jeff the Vomit guy is back on. Howard picked up and Jeff said he must be the irrelevant one. Howard said he is relevant. Howard asked what he can do for him. Jeff said he has been speaking to Shuli and he tells him there could be something in the works for him. Howard said there is. He said he wants a woman to vomit on him and someone did contact them. He said they might be lining that up. Robin asked if that's going to fuel the fire more for him or will he give up. Jeff said once in a blue moon he's in order for a good vomit session.
Howard said this girl is good looking and he wonders if Jeff will be fully nude. Jeff said he could be. Howard wanted to know the fantasy there. Jeff said he doesn't have to be nude. Howard said when he has his fantasy what is he thinking about. Jeff said he is naked then. He said he is playing with his own penis. Howard asked if the woman touches him at all. Jeff said no. He said he might be touching her tongue. Howard asked if there's intercourse involved. Jeff said it might come when he's hard.
Howard found out Jeff is 60 years old now. Jeff said he was born in 1957. He said he's been a vomit lover for the past 50 years. Howard said they're working on it. He said that's all there is to it. Howard let Jeff go after that.
Robin read a story about President Trump coming into the city yesterday. Howard said he must have missed it because the traffic wasn't bad when he left. Robin said there were protestors out there yesterday and they will be out again today. Robin had some audio of some of the protest. The people were yelling ''Shame!'' over and over. Howard said if he were President he'd be wondering what he could do to win them over. He said he might try to be reasonable. Robin said she thinks he knows what they're protesting. Robin said he doesn't come out to address them. Howard said he would throw out candy for them or some fresh fruit. Then he'd have Melania flash them. Robin said there are a lot of women out there. Howard said they want to see that. Howard told Robin that Heidi Klum sent him her book where she's topless. Howard said it came through her assistant. Howard said he opened it up and every picture is her topless. Howard said on America's Got Talent she was the most conservative. Howard said she shows her ass and titties in the book. Howard said it sells for like $134. Howard said he told Beth he wasn't interested in that. He said he can't be looking at that with his wife there. He said it's a perfect Ronnie coffee table book. He said he may re-gift it to Ronnie. Howard said the book isn't meant to jerk off to. He said it's an art book. He said you can get so much shit for free on the internet now. Robin said you don't have to look hard. Howard said he got 2 t-shirts and hats with Heidi's naked caricature on it. He said he was asking Beth where he'd wear that. He said the book is 156 pages and that's a lot of nudity. Howard said she looks real good so it's hard to tell how old the pictures are. Howard said it's mostly black and white. Howard said that makes it ''art.''
Robin read a story about David Duke saying that the media manipulated the President into denouncing the Klan. Robin said he lashed out after Trump singled them out. Robin said he was telling Trump to not feel like he has to say these things. Robin said he also said it was white people who elected him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's been off of work for 3 months because she has 3 concussions. She said that she fell down and hit her head and it's been a mess. Howard asked if she has Alzheimer's yet. She said she doesn't. Howard said sometimes that happens. The caller said she doesn't remember the last time she hit her head. She said she fell 3 different times. Howard said that's crazy. He told her to watch her head. She wanted to thank them because she can only listen to radio or audio books. Howard wished her luck with that.
Robin read a story about President Obama breaking records with his tweets after the violence in Charlottesville. Robin said that he tweeted about Nelson Mandela. Robin said that it was liked more than 2.5 million times and it's the third most liked in Twitter history.
Robin read a story about the President having some defections from his economic counsel. Robin said the Intel CEO has stepped down. Robin said that he's the third to step down after that mess in Charlottesville. Robin said that if you have any sense at all you can't walk away. She said he obviously needs help.
Robin read about how Trump has his people looking into China's trade practices. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that.
Robin read a story about how they're trying to encourage Trump to pull troops out of Afghanistan. Howard said they'd love that. Howard said that they should hate Osama bin Laden for all of their problems over there. Howard said they're pissed off about what's going on. Howard spent a short time talking about that.
Robin read a story about food addicts and had some audio of someone talking about what that's like.
Robin read a story about some supplies going to the International Space Station. Robin had some audio of the take off. Howard said he gets a chill when he hears that stuff. He said that's so cool. Howard asked Robin if she knows they're sending child slaves to Mars from that space station. Robin continued to read the story about the rocket and how the space station will catch the rocket. Howard said he's amazed by all of that.
Robin read a story about Ric Flair not doing too well. Robin had some audio of him doing his thing back in the day. Robin read about what's going on with Ric and how he has a heart related issue.
Robin read a story about how Big Ben in England is being serviced and it won't be ringing until 2021. Robin said they're making repairs to the big clock. Robin said it's been ringing for 157 years. Howard said he's buying that for Robin for her next birthday. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about the big show they have coming up. He had Lenny Dykstra announcing who they have coming in. They have David Letterman coming in. He said he used to have a beard like Dave's and it always smelled like pussy. Howard said Lenny is always talking about pussy.
Howard said David Letterman is coming in and it's a big deal. Howard said it seems like a lot of people have forgotten about history. He said even our president. Howard said he'll talk about that in a minute. Howard said he and Dave started at NBC around the same time. Howard said Dave was on at 12:30 in the morning after Johnny Carson. Howard said back in those times you remember that late night was not cool. He said Carson had gotten to the point where he was ripe for parody. He said they did that on Saturday Night Live and he shut that all down. Howard said his show had become laughable. He said the show was laughable with Ed McMahon sucking Johnny's asshole. He said it had fallen into this mindless machine that was running. He said then Dave came along and Carson laid down the rules for Dave to have no brass in his band. Howard said Dave probably laughed to himself.
Howard said it was such a ridiculous thing for Carson to do. He said he had defeated everyone who came along and he didn't have an ounce of graciousness. Howard said he could have been more gracious.
Howard said Dave got his late night show and the odds of getting one were very slim. He said there isn't a person who doesn't have some TV presence now. He said back then it was a big deal. Howard said up until then it was like Tom Snyder who fit into that un-hip kind of slot. Howard said Dave did odd things and had odd guests like him. He said he had all kinds of odd people on the show who didn't get on TV. Howard said Dave would do strange things and everything looked different. Howard said they had Paul Shaffer with a rock band and it was kind of cool and funny. He said he was throwing watermelons off the building and stuff like that.
Howard said Dave is the guy who made late night new again. He said then his format became the format that the late night guys follow.
Howard said this is why he's excited for Dave to come in. Howard said he'll wait for him to get there to talk more about that.
Robin asked if Howard thinks Dave is nervous about coming in. Howard said no. He said he saw Dave up there a couple of months ago and Dave said if he wants him on he's available. Howard said he doesn't call to bother him but Dave said that was fine. Howard said they booked it a couple of months ago and he must have known he's doing the Netflix show so it coincides with that.
Howard said he thinks Dave will be fine when he comes in. He said he can't imagine him being nervous. Howard said he's very excited about this. He said he has a lot of stuff he wrote down for this. He said he doesn't want to forget.
Will came in and said he wasn't trying to cause problems. He said he was trying to make conversation. Howard said he should stop trying to do that. Will said that he should have kept it to himself. Howard said he's never having a second cup again. Will said he's trying to protect him.
Howard said he's like his mother. He did an impression of his mother talking to him about the coffee. He said his parents drink coffee so it's okay.
Howard said it was like growing up in the Munsters. He said he saw they're bringing that show back and Seth Meyers has something to do with it. Howard said here is no remaking that show. He said he hates to sound like an old fuck but you can't remake that show. Howard said that cast was so great. Robin said that Fred Gwynne was born to play that Munster. Howard said there is no way to replace that. Howard said he asked his daughters if they had seen it yet. They hadn't. He said they're being disrespectful. Howard said when it comes to coffee it's fine that he drinks it because his parents drink it. Howard said he asked if his dad drinks it and he said no like it's a shock.
Howard said his mother has to get up and get the coffee for his dad. He said he's been retired for many years so he's not sure why he can't get it himself. Howard said his mother still does it. He said she says that's just what they do. Howard said she's not sure why she still does it. Howard said his dad still calls her ''she'' and doesn't seem to know her name.
Howard said he's excited about David Letterman coming in today. He said that Will ruined his second cup yesterday too. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said he asked Ronnie how the shoot went. He said it was good. He said he saw Buscemi, Chris Rock and Sandler in his scene. He said that he didn't read the script so he didn't know that was going to happen. Howard said there is a lot of stuff to talk about. He said Shuli will keep Ronnie honest. Howard said Shuli got in there around 3 in the morning to cut up tape. He said he hasn't seen him that motivated in a long time.
Howard asked where Shuli is. Shuli came in and said he was there at 4am. He was up at 2. Shuli said he didn't get any sleep. Shuli said that he has one quick tease. Howard said if he starts now he won't be able to stop. Howard asked if he can give one tease and not get into detail. Shuli said they showed up and this woman checks them in. She asked for his name. He said Ronnie looks at her and tells her ''Mund.'' Howard said what a fucking maniac. Shuli said he repeated himself. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions goofing on him about his one word answer. Howard said he's a fucking lunatic. Shuli said he was listed under ''Limo Driver'' and not Mund. Howard said that's great. He said he's so angry.
Shuli said they were there for just one minute. Howard said he's like Cher with just one name. He said he's Fabio or Madonna. Howard said he's like Bono. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions and acting like Ronnie at the movie shoot.
Howard asked how long it took to figure that out. Shuli said that the woman was trying to find him and she asked if he was part of he crew. Ronnie just said ''no.'' He didn't give her any help. Howard asked what this music is that Fred is playing. Fred said it's ''Hooray for Hollywood.''
Shuli said Ronnie was being asked what he was there for and giving one word answers. Howard said he was making her guess. Howard and Fred kept doing their impressions of Ronnie giving her a hard time and acting like a big shot.
Howard said this is going to go on a long time. Howard said he got briefed on his notes and it's great stuff. He said just wait until they get to the part where Ronnie gets angry with his limo driver. Howard said Robin can't leave. He said she has to hear this stuff. Howard said they may have over tickled Robin's ass. Robin said once you get started...
Howard said Ronnie gives her just one name of Mund. Howard said Ronnie is down getting Dave but when he comes back later he's going to have both Ronnie and Shuli in there. Howard said Ronnie is going to say to him that he's just jealous.
Howard said he was told by a friend that he created all of this. He said he knows that's kind of true. Howard said they can't ever blow their load until Ronnie is in there. He said this is just a tease. Howard said he was Pallbearer number 5 in the movie. Robin said he's doing too much. Howard said he's not. He said he has more. Robin said they have to be complete and get this done in one fell swoop.
Howard played a song parody about Ronnie taking off work for this movie as Pallbearer number 5. Howard said that the tease is over. He said that's the whole thing. No more questions. Robin said she was just saying that they don't want to split it up and have it in chunks. Howard said Robin is the only one worrying. Robin said if you listen later you won't know what was said now. Howard said that's why he hesitated to bring Shuli in.
Howard said Robin is stepping in and putting her foot down. Howard said as much as he wants to hear it he has to wait. Shuli said it's worth the wait.
Howard played another song parody about Ronnie. Howard said they're going to change the name of the movie to Pallbearer Number 5.
Howard said Robin's ass is begging for more feather tickling but he's not going to do it. He said that's it.
Howard said he seemed angry when he was talking about winning the presidency. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. Howard said he really has to just say that anyone who marches alongside people who have swastikas or hoods is a bad person. Howard said that it's not good. Howard said this guy General Kelly led marines and Trump is working alongside this guy. Howard said we all have to stand tall. He said we defeated the nightmare that was Japan and Germany in World War II. Howard said we stood up to the Germans and defeated them. Howard said if you're a history buff you know they went through fierce battles. Howard said we fourth this mentality enslaving us. Howard said it's everything America is against. He said you can not make a statement that some of the people walking with the men in hoods and swastikas are good. Howard said there is nothing good about it. Howard said it's a bunch of idiots who don't know what they're talking about. Howard said many people gave their lives to defeat that.
Robin said that her father had to fight in segregated units. She said he still did that. Howard said you can't make a statement saying that there were good people marching. Howard said that's ridiculous. Robin said to equate those people as both being bad is ridiculous. Howard said it is ridiculous. Howard said he's not sure what brought this on.
Howard said supposedly Trump was supposed to talk about infrastructure which is good. Howard said he doesn't get what this was. He said it was really hard to swallow. Robin said she doesn't know how anyone can stay in his councils after that. Howard said Kelly was in the marines and they're fighting modern day Nazis. Howard said we can't be fighting them over there and saying they're nice guys over here. Robin said they want to tell people what to wear and how to behave. Robin said they're taking their name and costume.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he wrote out the top 5 questions to ask Dave. Howard said just let him worry about that. Howard told him to relax and enjoy the conversation. Bobo said he will.
Howard said Bobo is ready to sit and evaluate Ronnie in the car and give him a driving quiz. Robin said that Ronnie doesn't want to do it. Howard said Ronnie will do it. He said he'll tell him to pick up his friend and Bobo will be there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there was a caller the other day complaining about the days Howard works. He said that he gets up at 4 in the morning and he respects that. He said screw that caller. Howard thanked him for that. Howard said he doesn't even remember what that guy said. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
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Howard came back and said that he has David Letterman there. He said Dave is always punctual. He said he's excited to have him there. Dave came in and Howard said he's a legend. Howard said he's a professional who shows up on time too. Howard said he looks great. Dave said he feels fine. He said it was great to hear the music again. Fred was playing his theme. Howard said this is the real Dave and not the fake Dave. Dave said he hears about that guy all the time. He said he hopes that guy is funnier than the real guy. Howard said not a chance.
Howard said he sees Dave looking younger and more relaxed now than when he was on TV. Howard said he feels like he might feel that way. Howard asked if he is more relaxed and refreshed. Dave said that's two questions in one. He said that both would have to be substantiated medically. He said that it's a myth. Dave said he was okay until his birthday. He said then he had his birthday in April where he turned 70 and he stopped feeling so relaxed and refreshed. He said he learned that old people drop dead.
Howard asked if he still runs at 70. Dave said yes. Howard said he finds that everything hurts him. Dave said he's right about that but on his birthday he ran 10 miles. He said he's not finished yet but he's going. Howard said that's something. Dave said he was very slow but he felt he had to do it.
Dave said he's very happy to see Howard. He said when he left the show he thought that a lot of people would want him on shows. He said no one wanted him on shows. Howard said that can't be. He said Jimmy Kimmel idolizes him. Dave said he was on his show and he'll be on again in October unless he drops dead.
Howard said Dave's dad died at 57 and he had a heart attack in his 30s. Howard said he had fantasies of being a writer. He said that must have been heart breaking. Dave said it was. He said there's this thing called Parade Magazine and they had a famous writer's test in there. Dave said you'd fill it out and they'd send you a booklet to see if you were good enough. He said his father sent for that and he had what it takes to be a writer. He said he couldn't afford the follow up lessons to be a certified writer.
Howard asked if that was heart breaking for him. Dave said it wasn't so much at the time but it is now that he thinks back on it. He said his dad could play a pipe organ and he was good at it. He said he can't play anything himself.
Howard asked Dave if he is into music or not. He said he once turned to him on his show and said ''Look at this guy'' when someone was performing. He said he had Warren Zevon on the show and he remembers that he was making jokes about dying and Dave was feeling awkward. Howard said he was almost speechless. Howard said he must have loved that guy. Dave said he did. He said he liked his lyrics. He said it was rock 'n Roll in a different direction. He said it was stories that other people were not writing music about.
Howard asked if he's listening to new music now. Dave said he is. Dave said he likes a lot of music but he has no idea who they are. Howard said that's like him.
Howard asked about sitting next to Led Zeppelin and if that was cool. Dave said that was. He said he was a Buddy Guy fan too. He said he was a friend of Paul's. He said if Paul liked him he had to be the real thing. He said the story of Buddy Guy is so interesting. He said that it was great.
Howard said when he had Eddie Vedder on he liked them. Dave said he did. He said music gets to him. He said that's one of the great things about music. He said one of the episodes Howard brought up was probably him trying to impress Howard with being disdainful of life. Dave said he's a different person now than he was back then. He said Howard must be too. Howard said he thinks so.
Howard said he tired to go back and look at moments from the show that were iconic. Dave said they're awful. Howard said he cringes when he sees himself on his show. He said he made such an asshole out of himself. He said one thing he was able to watch was when he came on dressed like a woman. Dave laughed. He said that's a fan favorite. Howard said he was just being Howard in women's clothing.
Howard said he was most impressed with Chris Farley on his show. Howard said he was delightful with Dave. Dave said that was back at NBC and he's not sure if he appreciated Chris in a way that he should have. He said he wishes he could start the show over now because he's more mature and he has an understanding of the world and humans. Dave said he can't even look through his high school yearbook or at pictures of himself as a kid.
Howard said they were playing a game the other night and he was asked if he had any regrets. Howard said he did an interview with Robin Williams and one with Will Farrell and he has so many regrets about the way he treated them. Howard said he wanted to call Robin and apologize to him but he died before he could. Howard said he feels that way about a couple of people.
Howard said Dave never really did that. Howard said in his old clips he saw that. Dave asked why he'd watch those old clips. Howard said he was such an innovator. Howard said Carson was getting old and Dave came in and did something new. Dave said that was for like 3 years. Howard said it was hip and cool.
Howard said Madonna came in and cursed a bunch of times. Howard asked if Dave thought she was ruining it or did he know it was going to be something great. Dave said he's a completely different person now. He said he'd be better equipped to do it now. He said they used to have a guy on who was a cartoonist who was very funny. He said it was Harvey Pekar. Dave said he was so great on the show. He said he'd go after him and the network in a very committed way. He said it wasn't a gag. He said it was the real thing. He said he was anti-establishment and it used to upset him. He said that he would ask him not to do that. Dave said now he wishes he could have had him on every night. He said it was tremendous.
Howard said he has to ask about the old show. He said this kid who put his foot in his face. It was Crispin Glover. Howard said he was frantic and nuts and Dave walked off the show. Howard said he thinks he was really nervous about that. Howard asked if he sees that as great TV now or is it still unhinged. Dave said at the time it was his career. He said he was so self absorbed. He said that it was needless. He said he didn't know what was going to happen back then. He said every night was life and death. He said he was young and very insecure. Dave said he had blown his shot in morning talk and he didn't know this was going to work.
Howard said Dave was doing stand up and he had some TV gigs. He did game shows and all of that stuff. Howard said his dream was to have a talk show. Dave said that's it exactly. Howard said it must be hard when you know what you want to do and you can't get it. Dave said when he did get it then he was afraid that it was going to be taken away.
Howard said Dave got on CBS and he hired Tom Snyder. He said he thought he did that because he knew he'd never be able to take his show away from him. Dave said Tom was doing the Tomorrow Show and people loved him. Howard said he was on his show and had a fight with him. He said he was great. Howard said Tom was committed to yelling at him. He said he was wondering if he was for real and he thinks he was. Howard said he thinks he knew it was good TV. Dave said he's not sure about that. Howard said he can't watch that show.
Dave said they fired Tom and brought him in. He said he thought that Tom's fans were upset so he brought him back when he had the chance. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard said Tom Snyder came out to see Dave when he was on the Tonight Show and he was hoping to see him flop. Dave said he didn't know that. He said show business really is the best. Dave said he loved Tom. He said he loved the old one and not the one who was on after them. He said he was smoking and in the big chair and he was quite animated with his eyebrows. He said that it was fascinating. He said he liked the show. He said Johnny did an hour and a half and Tom was the next thing on so what was not to like?
Howard said he loved that Johnny said he couldn't have any brass in his band after the Carson show. Dave said he was told that and Johnny had a guy who came up with that. He said that later in his career he was Johnny's look out guy. He said he came in and they had this meeting about the band. He said he couldn't do a monologue. He said they could only do 3 jokes. He was fine with that though. Dave said the only way you can get jokes to work is doing them in a club.
Howard asked if he liked doing the show in front of an audience. Dave said he did. Howard said Dave did a show after the hurricane Sandy and had no audience. Dave said that Denzel Washington was the guest. He said it was a one off and he liked doing that as a one off. Dave said if you make these people laugh then he can go home feeling positive about himself.
Howard said he'd worry about making people laugh on his show too. He said he was afraid to have a conversation because people didn't laugh constantly. Dave said he felt that way too. Dave said that the worse the material is or the worse he is the harder you try. He said the harder you try it just gets worse and worse.
Howard said Dave wasn't allowed to have any of the old school guys on his show either because of the Carson guys. Dave said they had this guy who had this gravely voice who told him he can't have someone like Bob Hope on if he's arrested for selling weed or something. Howard said that's so weird.
Howard said Rodney Dangerfield did Dave's show once and he sensed that Dave wasn't so happy with it. Howard said he thinks he wanted more reality with his interview. Dave said who knows. He said that he might be right. He said he was on just the one time and he didn't like coming on. Howard asked how he knew that. Dave said you hear things. He said he thinks that it was because he thought that he was going to interrupt him and try to be funny. Dave said he wanted to show people he was just as funny as them so maybe he would have.
Howard asked if Dave has a paranoia about not shining on his show. Dave said that the audience could disappear.
Howard said Joaquin Phoenix was brilliant on the show. He said he was playing a character and he doesn't think he prepared that ahead of time. Dave said he actually did know that ahead of time. He said he did enjoy it because it was like getting his work in on the heavy bag. He said it was like batting practice. Howard said he had him back a couple months later to explain it. Howard said he should have never come back on. Dave said the master of that stuff was Andy Kaufman. He said he knew Andy for years and everyone in L.A. knew him. He said that he was peculiar and you just loved it. He said that you just knew this guy was wasting his life and career by being that way but just the opposite happened with him. He said he was a huge star. Howard said he was so good at it. Dave said you think about him and what he would have done if he had lived. He said he was tremendous. He said he was always a gentleman with him and he let him know what he was doing. He said he knew that the wrestler was going to hit him. Howard said it looked like such a major thing. Howard said he thought Andy got hurt. Howard said that was some fucking show.
Dave said the best thing was that the NY Times wrote this story up about Andy being assaulted on the show. He said they referred to him as Mr. Kaufman. He said they referred to the wrestler as Mr. Lawler. He said he wondered why they were wasting ink on that. He said Andy would lean over to him and ask him to send him the hate mail. He said Andy just loved it.
Howard asked if Dave thought he knew Andy. Dave said no. He said he was courteous enough to include him. He said he was his ad-hoc partner in the biz. Howard said he would tell his producers what he was doing but not Dave. He said it was ridiculous.
Dave said that Bob Zmuda would come and hang around the studio and they weren't sure if he was Andy or not. He said it was all just so bizarre.
Howard said Jim Carrey was so great on the show too. He said that when you know that's happening it has to be great. Howard asked Dave about having these starlets on who don't talk much and just sit there looking good it must be hard. Dave said that it's not just starlets. He said it's male and female. Dave said he has those nights where it's him. He said he had a cold one night. He said publicists would book the show and if you didn't take one star you wouldn't get another star. He said you had to suck up to them. Dave said that he was coughing and wheezing and his nose is running. He said a producer got into a screaming match with a publicist who said he may have infected their star. He said that he thought that was so absurd.
Howard said they're having a conversation there now and talking about great stuff. Howard said when Dave was sitting there doing his show and Charlize Theron comes on looking great and he has a conversation with her does he think there's something going on with them. Dave said you can think they have a friendship. He said this will happen to Howard later today. Howard said he's going to think that. He said it's like a mind fuck in some respects.
Dave said it didn't happen to him much. He said it did happen occasionally. He said that he'd think that they enjoyed talking to him because they were an actor. He said he'd think there was no way they were enjoying it and it was just an act. Howard said when Drew Barrymore gets up and shows him her breasts he must think that there's something going on. Dave said he makes a good point there. Dave said for a man having a young, lovely woman showing her breasts you think something is going on. He asked how you can't be affected by that. Howard said he must go home thinking she's into him. Dave laughed and said he didn't go that far. He said it was confusing.
Howard asked if he has friendships from the show. Dave said sure. He said that only after years and years and years of being on the show. Dave said he felt like they don't want him as a friend. He said he wasn't sure he wanted them as friends. Dave said Howard became Mr. Kiwanis club. He said Howard had no friends when he met him. He said he was the same way. He said the biggest mistake he made was delaying having a family. He didn't want anything interfering with the show. Howard said he is in show business and he does work in the industry and he does have some friends in show business now.
Dave said they have some mutual friends. Howard said Dave has backed out of some dinners. Dave said it was scheduling. Dave said that he'd have something come up. Robin said he'd hear Howard's name and back out. Dave laughed.
Howard said Sacha Baron Cohen came on his show as a character and he asked if he gets chills up his spine from that. Dave said he loses interest in it. He said he's in on the joke. He doesn't want to do a sketch and be part of a comedy team. He said Andy Kaufman let him in on the joke and Borat should have let him in on the joke. He said he'd like to support what he's up to. Howard said he thinks that it can help if you're in on the joke.
Howard said he watched the first Sam Kinison appearance on Dave's show and it was mind blowing. Dave said that was his strong stuff and he hadn't been on a lot of other shows. He said Sam was menacing coming out in that beret and the over coat. Howard said he killed. Dave said he loved the way he wound himself up and came out screaming. Howard said he left the stage and started yelling at the audience. He said it was a breakthrough. Dave said Sam had a lot of demons. He said that it would have been great to see him live another 5 years or 30.
Howard said that Dave said that Andy Rooney was a despicable guest. Howard said he was nasty on the show. Dave said he was. He said he was a curmudgeon and beyond. Dave said that Hal Gurney was his director on the show. Dave stopped and said he had a cup of coffee that he'd like. Gary brought it in a second later.
Dave said that he and Jack Parr became good friends. He said that he knew that things were going to go badly. He said he went to Jack's house on Sundays and he had named his house. He said you know you're in trouble when he names his house. He said he told him to come out to Long Barn. He said that it's a nice enough house but it's on a cul-de-sac. He said it's not a house you name. Dave said that they were playing golf and they had some people there and Andy Rooney was there. He said he was there with his girlfriend and Andy starts grilling him about being married. Dave said he told him he was divorced and Andy was grilling him about that. He said Andy told him he divorced because he didn't try hard enough. Dave said that he said he had to leave. He said that they'd have to leave when Jack went to bed. Howard said Jack did the Tonight Show for just a few years. Dave said he had a TV station up in Vermont that he owned.
Dave said that he knew he was gong to screw up the Jack Parr thing. He said he did the same with Johnny. He said he was just so nervous around the guy.
Howard said when their friend wants to get together for dinner he feels that he's going to screw it up with Dave. Howard said he might name his house Fart Manor or something. Dave laughed.
Howard asked Dave if it's weird for him not to have an income. He said he's had money coming in his whole life. Howard said money is just going out. Robin was laughing. Howard asked if it freaks him out that he has no money coming in. Dave said he went out and got a reverse mortgage. Howard said it's a weird thing to have that. Dave said that you feel like if you're not working that you're not worth anything. Howard said that's your mojo. Dave said in many other ways he's getting paid or should be getting paid.
Howard said Dave has a Netflix deal and he's doing 6 shows a year. Howard said it's not a heavy schedule. Dave said it's not. He said he does vacillate about going back to work or not. He said they were very nice about this thing. He said he met these guys called The Radical Brothers. He said he wanted to do this thing. Howard said they're going to produce. Dave said they are the production company. Howard asked Dave if he met with Ted Sarandos. Dave said he did and he was supposed to ask if Howard would do it. Howard said he feels he has to now. He said that he's turned into a disgrace asking directly. Howard asked if he'll shave his beard for this. Dave said he will not. Howard said this is a departure for him. Dave said he got so tired of shaving every day. He said now he's not sure why he has it.
Howard asked Dave what he's going to do with the show and the Radical Brothers. Howard asked if it's a straight interview. Dave said he has no idea. Howard said he must have visualized it. Dave asked if he can come out to Fart Manor. Howard asked who the first guest is. Dave said he can't say who it is. Howard said he's wondering who it is. Howard asked if it's The Mooch. Dave laughed and said it's working already.
Howard said the rumor is that Dave went to Netflix to talk about this thing and he went in and posed as the door man at the building. Howard asked if that's true. Dave said that he'd have to look at the tape. Howard said it sounds like a scream. Howard said he felt like some of this was inspired by Jerry Seinfeld's ''Comedians in Cars...'' show. Dave said that if Jerry ever couldn't do that show he'd do it. He said it's the only new idea that works in multi-platform TV. He said that what he admires about Jerry is that he puts together his comedy and they can't get enough of that. Then he leaves and then he comes back and does Snap, Crackle or Pop and does that little show. He said he's fine that no one knows where it is. Then he gets 100 episodes and they give him $500 million for his little drinking show.
Howard said they go to a network and get a job and now you can go on this Crackle and no one hears of it and it's hard to imagine. Dave said that they would ask what he wants to do and he thinks he did it for 30 years. He said Jerry doesn't care and he likes coffee and cars and comics so someone says there's your show right there. He asked how that happens. Howard said Jerry said to him he works too hard but Jerry is always working too. Dave said he was in Australia for 2 weeks. He said the flight alone would kill him.
Howard said they're hoping that the Netflix thing isn't a burden. Dave said it'll be great. He said one of his advantage in life is ignorance. He said that will work for him.
Howard said Dave reinvented late night and had this great body of work. He asked if he worries about coming back. Dave said he's not worried. He said he thinks this will be the last thing he does. He said that Netflix is great and the Radical Brothers are great too. He said he's the weak link in the chain. He said he knows they won't let it fail. Howard said he thinks people are excited about it. Howard said he has an idea for him. He said Comedians in Vans getting Coffee. Dave said he's not sure why that's not a show.
Howard said when Dave started out Richard Pryor said that he wanted David Letterman opening up for him. Dave said that's not true. Dave said he was a mediocre stand up. Howard said he can't take credit.
Howard asked Dave if he thinks he had kids at the right age. Dave said maybe. Howard said he has told his kids that he had them too young. He said his oldest is 34 and he has a 31 and 24 year old. Howard said he loves them and they're great. He said that he wishes he had some wisdom back when he had them. Dave said on the other hand he wishes he had 3 kids. He said he was so glued to the idea of getting this success of the show that he didn't do it. He said that was to the exclusion of everything else.
Howard said when you first start out you have to be that focused. He said it's a lot of wasted energy. Dave said it is. He said it's a lot of being led around by your ego. Howard asked what his day was like when he was single. Dave said he likes movies. He said he hasn't seen one since he quit. He said he saw every movie when he was at CBS. He said that if a movie can't happen in real life he won't go see it. He said he can't see Superman or anything like that. Howard asked if he read comic books. Dave said he didn't. He said his mom wouldn't let him read anything but Archie. He said that was wholesome.
Howard said that he's sorry to hear of the death of his mother. Dave said she was going to be 96. Howard said it's weird to lose your mother. Dave said she died playing racquetball. Howard asked if that's true. Dave said no. Howard asked if his dad got to see his great success. Dave said he didn't. He said his mom lived so long that he said to her that she's not going to get the record. He said that his father wasn't in his life but his mother was a fixture in it. He said he wonders what it would have been if it was reversed. He said he does wonder what that would have been. He asked Howard how old his parents are. Howard said they're 93 and 89. Howard said he worries about them getting ill and the other one falling rapidly. Dave said that is the stereotype.
Dave said his mother was 96 and she wasn't active but she could go out and do things. He said she still liked to read. He said they would visit and she was okay for 96. He said that she was slowing down. He said she lost some cognitive stuff. Howard said his mom has told him that getting old isn't for wimps.
Howard said that he heard Dave's mom didn't like Ed Sullivan because he made the audience clap for the guests. Dave said she thought if they liked the guest they'd clap on their own. Howard asked if he didn't like Ed because of that. Dave said there was a long list of reasons not to like Ed and forcing people to clap wasn't one of them. Howard said his mother didn't like Johnny Carson. He said she'd lecture him on Johnny. Howard said his mother broke the news to him that Liberace was gay. He was shocked.
Howard asked Dave if his family knew he was this funny and witty. He asked when Joaquin Phoenix was on and he said ''I wish you could have been here tonight'' to him was that ad-libbed. Dave said it was. Howard said that's great to be able to do that. Dave said Howard does it every day.
Howard asked what Dave's favorite movie of all time was. Dave said that it might be ''Once Upon a Time in the West.'' Robin said no one ever chooses that. Dave said that's the only one he could think of.
Howard said this Netflix thing is great. He said that it's going to be interesting. Dave said this could be his last project and if it's not really good... He said that he's jealous of Jerry for dong what he did.
Howard said Edward R. Murrow used to go to people's homes and interview them. Dave said he just has to do 6 shows. He said it's a 3 legged table and he's confident in the other two legs. Howard said he knows some comedians who wonder what he's up to at his house in Montana. Dave said he has spent a lot of time out there in the summer. Howard asked if he keeps busy. Dave said he does. He said he's had some celebrity types out there. Dave said it's so remote out there that you have to be careful. He said he had some people there who paid a kid to go out to get cigarettes in town. He said it's just so remote. Howard said what a nightmare. Howard asked if he can just go to sleep and just have people leave. Dave asked if Howard has people over and if he has pressure. Howard said it's tremendous pressure. He said some people come over and they're easy. He said Jimmy Kimmel is very easy. He said he's bringing the kids and all of that. Dave said he's always smoking weed though. Howard said he's staying out of that. He said that's his story to tell.
Dave said he smoked at George Miller's house and he didn't like it. He said he went over to visit and he guessed that's what you do. He said he went to his apartment and this woman and her daughter were there. He said they're passing around the joint and he took a hit. He said they told him they had laced it with PCP. He said that he asked what that is. He said she tells him it's an animal tranquilizer. Dave said he got out of there. He said he didn't want to do that.
Howard said when he did this kind of thing you didn't think about it being laced. Dave said he doesn't know enough about the active ingredient in Marijuana and if it's compatible with PCP.
Howard asked Dave if he looks at the news now and say he's glad he's out of the late night game. Dave said yes. Howard said the late night shows all kind of use his set up now. Dave said that came with Steve Allen and Johnny Carson. Howard said sure, Steve Allen.
Dave said Jimmy Kimmel was in Rolling Stone smoking weed. Howard said Jimmy is a great house guest. He said he doesn't feel pressure with him. He said Jimmy gets up later than him. He said he goes out for a run early. He said that he had to start all over running. He said he runs like a mile and walks a mile. Dave said he used to be up for days after a run. Howard said he hurts from running. He said it's just not fun. Dave said it's not good for your joints.
Howard said he imagines Dave in Montana and how he has to be entertaining. Howard asked who he has out there. Dave said he had Bill Murray out there. Howard said Bill is wild. He must want action. Dave laughed. Dave said he was there with his son Lincoln and they had a great time. Dave said there are people who don't wanted to do anything out there so you don't have them back. He said they don't have a tennis court or a swimming pool. He said they have a river instead.
Howard said that's the show. He said they have people come over to visit and watch his misery take over. Dave said they've had meetings out there and they do wonder when their guests are leaving. Howard said that's why he'd never stay at his house. He said he wouldn't put Dave through that. Howard said it's been kind of pleasant to have some people at his house. He said he's had family there and people like that. He said they have a good time. Dave laughed like he was joking. Howard said he's serious.
Howard said Paul Shaffer must be close. Dave said he loves Paul. Howard asked if that was essential to the show or did it just work out that way. Dave said look at the other shows and tell him about their band leaders. Howard said they're sort of not breaking through. Dave said Paul is a genius. He said he loves his family too. Dave let out a cough. He said he just got back from India. Robin said she went there and got right out. Dave asked Robin where she went. Robin said she wasn't able to go where she wanted to. She said she had to leave.
Howard asked if Dave auditioned for the movie Airplane. Dave said he did. He said he auditioned for them and he didn't think he was any good. He said he went out and they brought in the co-star Julie Haggarty. He said they called him back and they told him he was right and he can't act. Dave said it was fun auditioning. He said it would have ruined the movie if he had gotten the part. Howard said it could have changed his whole life. Dave said the movie was tremendous.
Howard said Dave is doing it all. He said it's awesome seeing him. Dave said he likes seeing Howard. Robin asked if they're going to try dinner. Dave said he will. He said he went to dinner with his wife recently with people Howard knows. Howard mentioned Steve (Martin). Dave had to clear his throat again. Howard said he can't do that on Netflix.
Howard said Steve puts together great dinners with people. Dave said that they went out and his wife Regina was there with Ann and Steve. He said Regina said that she didn't thinks she could do it again. She said she and Ann get along just fine but she can't talk to Steve. He said she said he's esteemed. Howard said he found that when you talk to Steve he comes out with things that are so brilliant and you can't match that. Dave said that Martin Short is great with Steve. He said he goes at him left an right. Howard said he'd love to see that. Dave said it's a lot of fun. He said it lets you relax and sit back. He said there's nothing else you can do. Dave said his instinct is to say something in a moment of silence. He said he'll tell a story that has no ending.
Howard said that Lorne Michaels goes to dinner with Steve a lot. Howard said Lorne tells great stories and Steve is telling stories and then Jimmy Fallon gets up and plays a song. He said he doesn't know what to do. Dave said he knows how he feels. Dave said that night Jack Parr went to bed he thought he'd never go out again. He said it was 8 on a Sunday night.
Howard asked if Dave is watching the late night shows. Dave said he can't watch them. He said he can't stop watching MSNBC. He said that Rachel Maddow is unbelievable. He said that Nicole Wallace is great too. He said she could have an 11:30 show. Howard said MSNBC is the opposition now and they're the ones with big ratings. Howard said FOX used to be that way. Howard said MSNBC is on fire lately. He said he gets why they were on fire over the President yesterday. Dave said he thinks that Trump should resign. He said they need to get together some people like Don Jr. and Don Jr. with Regis and maybe Gary Busey and his daughter Trumpina and go to him and have him sign some papers and move him to Mar-A-Lago and not tell him he's not president. He said the impeachment may take forever. He said we've had enough. Dave said that he's tired of people asking if they can believe what he did. He said this was an experiment and it didn't work. Howard said he was a great talk show guest though. He said that he was on Dave's show and on his show too and he was fabulous. Dave said he could take a punch. He said he didn't know Trump was a jerk though. He said it hasn't worked and he should resign. He said we've had enough.
Howard asked Dave if he'd have to talk about Trump on a talk show if he was doing one. Dave said he would. He asked if Howard talks about him every day. Howard said he doesn't. He said there's so much being said about him that he can't. Dave said that you're never done with him like painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Howard said Dave Chappelle is killing. He said he should watch his specials on Netflix. Dave said he hasn't seen it. Howard said Louis C.K. was a writer on his show. Dave said he got a stack of papers once and it had a note saying ''Here's the stuff I submitted to your show that was never approved. I quit.''
Howard said that Jerry comes over to his house a lot. He said he enjoys Jerry a lot. Dave said he's a very smart fella. Robin asked if Dave has had Jerry to his house. Dave said he can't imagine him riding a horse.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who asked Dave what clicked with him and Howard to have him on the show. Howard said Dave started on radio in college. He said it was a classical radio station and Dave said they should be playing rock. Dave said none of that is true. Dave said he played middle of the road music on the station. Howard said he has tapes of those shows. Dave asked him not to play them. Howard asked if he really doesn't want that. Dave said he'll drop his pants and run through the lobby.
Dave said that he has to get back to Ralph's question. He said Howard came to WNBC radio and everyone there knew that Howard was there. He said it was not to be ignored. He said they were just 4 or 5 floors away. He said they had to exploit this and it was great. Howard said he remembers the first time he was on and he had the worst outfit on. Howard said Dave had a suit on. Dave asked how old Howard was at the time. Howard said he was maybe 29 or 30. Dave said neither of them should have been in show business. Howard said he wore leather pants with brown boots. Howard said it was a nightmare.
Howard said everyone was excited that Dave was coming in. He said he still has notes from the times he was doing Dave's show. Howard said he started reading them and people wished he had used them. Dave said he can go on Kimmel and use that stuff. Howard said he got enough when he did Dave's show. Dave said his situation was that no one asked him to go on. He said they make you come up with 8-12 minutes of material. Dave said he can't stop talking if he does 11 minutes. He said he asked them not to invent a story about his son coming home and vomiting or something.
Howard said he may have kept him too long. Dave said that maybe they can go look at apartments now. Howard said he can't say he would come out to Montana either. Robin said she would. Howard said Robin went to India so she'll go anywhere. Howard said she's ready to hop on a plane.
Dave thanked Howard and said he really means that. He said he didn't want to do anything else. Howard said he loves to have Dave on. Dave said the truth of it is that they engineered it so he invited himself on. Howard said he loves that he's doing Netflix. He said he'd love to do the show. Dave said the Radical Brothers are the brains behind this.
Howard asked why he had him on with Don Rickles on the last week. Howard asked why he was there. Dave said that the idea of Don and Howard Stern together just made sense. Howard said it was such an honor for him. He said he's not sure he added anything to it. Dave said he loved the story he told about Don and Don made fun of him but then Howard said he didn't enjoy it. Howard said he has such a thin skin. He said Don could cut right to the worst part of you. Dave said Don never stopped. He said he went to dinner with him many times. Howard said he had dinner at a guy's house and he started ripping everyone a new asshole after being quiet through dinner. He said he idolized Don. He said he was so excited to be on with Don. Dave said it's funny that he didn't like him doing to him what he does to everyone.
Howard said Dave is going to be on Netflix. Dave said he's not sure what it'll be called. He said it'll just be there. Howard said Netflix is doing great stuff. Dave said they are. He said he likes what the Radical Brothers are doing too. He said this is the first time in 30 years he's working with a different production company.
Dave said he really has to go. He said he's getting bored now. Howard said Richard Lewis does that. He just hangs up and doesn't say goodbye. Dave said they have this thing called an Irish goodbye that he wishes he could do.
Howard said that he loves Dave and he was trying to compliment him. Dave said he just wants to get out of there. He said he's had so much fun. He said he'd just go to bed right now if he could. Howard said he wants to have his staff come in and compliment him. Dave said no.
Dave asked Howard how much vacation he's taken so far. Howard said he had a week but he has 2 more coming up soon. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel will be coming over for a few days. Howard said he has hobbies that he does. Robin asked Dave what he has for hobbies. Dave said he has hobbies. Howard said he likes HAM radio. Dave said he doesn't do that. Dave said he likes to fish. Howard said he fishes with Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said years ago he had a house on a lake and there were so many fish. He said he and Jimmy went to this house and this Swan came out and attacked them. He said they got out of there and they never went fishing again. Dave said that would have been a fantastic obituary. Howard said Beth said she wishes she had recorded it because it was the funniest thing she ever saw.
Dave said he likes to ski in the winter. Howard said he didn't know he did that. Dave said Howard doesn't ski because he was scared off by a swan. Dave said he learned to ski at 63. Howard said look at you. He said he can't believe what he's saying. Dave said that he thanks him so much. Dave said he has to go. Howard said he has to turn off the microphones so he can say goodbye to him properly. Howard said he has something personal to tell him off the air. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. Dave said good night everyone.
Howard came back and said he knows why Fred played that. Howard said that's like Dave's favorite song. Fred said pretty much. Howard said he knows a lot about Dave. He said he's sure Dave knows a lot about him. He said he liked seeing Dave. He said he wonders if he'll see him again. Howard said he guesses he will. Howard said Dave has trimmed his beard down. He said that he did yell at him about putting him on the spot about being on his show. Howard said he likes Dave saying they told him to ask. He said that Dave doesn't say that he wants him on the show.
Howard said that was a lot of fun. He said he always enjoys Dave. Howard said he got kind of sad. He said this song makes him want to cry and Dave is 70 now. Howard said it's not even 69 or 68, it's 70. Robin said he's turning the big 7-0.
Howard said this song is so great. He let Everlong play. He said he was just saying to the guys he hopes that Dave isn't going to want him to be on a horse to do an interview. He said he's not doing that. He said he won't be on a horse. Robin said he can be in a buggy. Howard said maybe they can ski together. Howard said maybe it'll be comedians tobogganing together.
Howard said he's kind of spent but he should talk about Ronnie's big movie. Robin said she could hardly pay attention to Dave. Howard said he did tickle her ass with a feather. Howard said he looked at Ronnie and asked how the movie shoot was. He said Ronnie said ''It was good!'' He said he'd like to hear more than that.
Howard took a call from Apples who said that it was a great Dave interview so he had to thank him for that. Howard said Dave turned to him and said ''That was boring, right?'' Howard said he had to be kidding. Apples said he'd love to hear the conversation between Howard, Jerry and Jimmy. Howard brought up the swan thing and talked about how those fuckers are the real deal. Howard said they're like the Jean Claude Van Damme in the animal world. Howard said they'll drag you under water and drown you.
Apples asked Howard if he watched Bachelor in Paradise last night. Howard said he didn't. He said he and his wife couldn't watch it together last night so they're going to do that tonight. Apples said the women on the show are hot. He said that Raven is hot. Howard said that it's not gay to watch that show. He said it's hot girls in bathing suits and it's the most heterosexual experience you can have. Apples said he likes that show but he wasn't so into The Bachelorette. Howard and Apples were doing their Ronnie impressions talking about that.
Howard said he has to get to Ronnie. He asked if he has to break. Fred said he should break. Howard said they have to get Shuli in there. Howard said maybe they should wait until next week. Robin sounded upset about that. Howard said he'll do this and then get to Ronnie. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said this guy Alan Covert told Shuli that he didn't know Ronnie was surprised to be working. He could have told them that he had to work and they would have arranged to move his time. Howard said he has audio of this guy saying that. Ronnie said that he was told that he couldn't change it. Howard said that he'll get his chance to rebut this.
Howard played a clip of this guy Alan talking about how he thought Ronnie was done at 10. He said they would get him a car and he could leave the show as soon as he's done. Howard said Ronnie has to apologize. Ronnie said that this guy is such a big fan that he knows the show ends later than that. He said the show ends at 11 or 11:30. Ronnie said that there was a middle man in all of this. He said it was Jonathan Mason in Don's office. He said he arranged the whole thing. Howard said he should have said he was busy until 1 o'clock. Ronnie said he paid the price for it.
Ronnie said that he got his ass busted for 2 days because of this. Shuli said that 2 minutes ago it was Alan's fault. Shuli said he was so bummed that he said he didn't know if he wanted to do it anymore. Howard said so what. Ronnie said he gets yelled at all the time. Howard said he's all pouty. Ronnie said he put Howard in good hands. Howard said he put him in great hands. He said his driver was on it. He said this guy Mike filled in for him and he did such a great job. He said he said it's time for Flat Mike after his driving. He said he was making a big Flat Mike to have for Ronnie this morning. He said this guy is good.
Howard said everyone on the staff is intimidated by Mike. He said no one fucks with you when Mike is around. Howard said he brought law and order to this place. Shuli asked if he ever hosted the Exotic Dancer awards. Howard said Mike doesn't want to. Ronnie said oh yes he does.
Howard said Mike didn't greet people with ''Hey dick licker!'' like Ronnie does. Ronnie said that's not what he does. Howard said he does too.
Howard said big Mike doesn't wash his ass in the sink. Ronnie said he doesn't have to sit in the sink because he's so big.
Howard asked Shuli about leaving early. Shuli said they sent a car to pick him up and he wasn't able to find it. He was going to every car staring at these drivers. Howard asked where the driver was. Ronnie said that the guy eventually showed up. Howard asked if he was all upset with the driver. Shuli said he wasn't at the time. He said he was a little heavy on the brakes and Ronnie got upset about that. Howard asked if he didn't like that. Ronnie said that was on the highway. Howard said that's how Ronnie drives him.
Howard said he loves that Ronnie doesn't like the way his driver was hitting the brakes. Ronnie said it was bad.
Howard said the best story is that Ronnie walked in and gave the woman his name saying ''Mund!'' Ronnie said he spelled it out for her too. Ronnie said they usually have your last name. He said they look it up under your last name. Howard said she must have wondered if that was his first name or only name. Howard said Shuli said he was so rude. Shuli said he answers the phone that way too. He just says ''Yeah.'' Howard said it's not funny. He said Ronnie thinks he's being funny.
Shuli said that he had to step in and tell the woman who he was. Ronnie said she had to call another woman who had another list. Ronnie said that he gave her the number 76 which was the number he was given.
Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Ronnie giving his name. Ronnie said they look for it by your last name. Howard and Fred kept going with the impressions. Shuli said that this woman had like 4 lists and she was going through them all. Howard asked why she didn't know who he was until Shuli stepped in. Ronnie said he was in background.
Howard asked how long it takes before Shuli has to step in. Shuli said it was at least 2 minutes. Ronnie said she still wasn't able to find it after he gave his first name. Shuli said he comes off cold and rude sometimes. Howard read some notes about how Ronnie doesn't talk to people. Shuli said he was just kind of barking words at people. He did an impression of Ronnie doing that. Ronnie said a girl handed them badges. Shuli said that the security guards there were all fawning over Ronnie because they love him.
Shuli said there's a scene where Sandler and Chris Rock are in this Synagogue and Ronnie is there. Howard said they have some pictures of Ronnie working. He had some papers in his hand. Shuli said that's the contract. He said he has pictures of him walking up the steps into his trailer. He said they'll put them up on the web site.
Shuli said that Ronnie had ''Driver'' on the door of his trailer. Ronnie said they thought he was driving a limo in the movie. Howard said he heard he had a line to say. Ronnie said it's just a word. Shuli said he sits between two major characters in the movie. He said he has nothing to say. He said he goes outside and he comes back in and Ronnie is asleep. He said that he wondered if he fell asleep. He said they told him to fall asleep during the scene. Howard said he's silent acting. Ronnie said they decided that at the last minute.
Howard asked how he got a word. Shuli said that scene is done and they move on to the pallbearer scene. Ronnie said they had Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi and a few other dudes. He had some conversations with Buscemi on stage. Ronnie said they were bonding. He said that Steve is a big fan of Howard's. He said he knew who he was.
Howard asked if he talked to Sandler. Ronnie said he did. He said he spent a long time with him. Shuli said that Adam walked up to Ronnie and said ''You should have said no Ronnie.'' He said this is going to be a long day.
Ronnie said that Steve is a very nice guy. Howard and the guys were doing their impressions of Ronnie talking to Steve.
Howard said he heard he wasn't able to get his one word right in the scene. Ronnie said he screwed it up once. Ronnie said he's not going to say what the word was. He said Smigel asked him not to give it away. Howard said he heard the one word he had he wasn't able to get out right. Ronnie said it was the timing of it. Robin asked what was wrong with it. Ronnie told her to shut up. He said this guy Gary had a line to say and he had to say his after that guy. He came in too soon one time. Howard said he heard he kept fucking it up and they had to keep shooting it. Shuli said he was watching it and it was because of Ronnie. He said it was about how to change it up to get him to say it at the right time. Ronnie said it was wrong once. He said it wasn't the word. Shuli said it wasn't just once. He said the first time he said it while the other guy was still talking. Ronnie said that's right but it was just once. He said it was a rehearsal shot.
Howard said that he has some audio of Adam Sandler talking about Ronnie having a James Caan flare about him. He said he hit his mark and he was funny. Adam said he was easy on the eyes and the ladies liked his moustache and beard. Shuli asked Adam about the one word they gave him. Adam said there were a few mistimings of the word. He said he knew it most of the time he had to. Adam said he plopped it in at interesting times. He said he did the sleeping thing really well too. He said Ronnie should keep trying because one word turns into 2 and then 2 turns into none.
Howard asked Ronnie why he didn't just wait to say his word. Ronnie said he was anxious. Howard asked if he practiced the word. Ronnie said they rehearsed and that's when he screwed up. He said he screwed it up one time during the take. He said Shuli is so full of crap.
Howard said he said the word right but he just came in at the wrong moment. Shuli said they asked him to pause for a moment and then he waited too long. Ronnie said that Shuli's jokes aren't funny.
Howard asked if it was a mistake having him say a whole word. He said maybe they should have had him say one letter. The guys all did their impressions of Ronnie saying one letter.
Howard asked if Ronnie apologized for coming in at the wrong time. Ronnie said he did say ''Sorry Gary.'' Howard asked how long he was on his cue. Shuli said the take they kept was a really long pause for a few seconds. He said it was so long that they kept it because it was so funny.
Shuli said he met an 8 year old kid who had so many lines that he didn't know how many he had. He said another kid won a contest to be in it and even he got a line.
Howard asked when this movie is coming out. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Ronnie said that Shuli told a joke to Smigel like he was doing stand up. Shuli said he was talking to Smigel about it so he told him a joke. Ronnie said he was there to cover the shoot. Shuli said he's just mad.
Howard said he has an interview with Bob Smigel too. Howard said he asked how Ronnie was to direct. Ronnie said he heard that already. He said he was looking right at him while he was saying this shit. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie in the movie.
Howard asked if the coffin was heavy. Ronnie said it was. He said that they had stuff in there to weigh it. He said when you lifted it the wrong way and it made a noise. He said that's when he had to yell his word.
Howard played the Bob Smigel interview clip. In that Bob said that it's very different directing Ronnie than it is anyone else. He said there's a different level of expertise. He said it's boring. He said they won a bidding war against the show with the kid chefs to have him in the movie.
Howard said there's the update. Robin thanked him. Robin said it's like she was there. Ronnie said he's glad she wasn't. Robin asked if he said goodbye to everyone. Ronnie said he did.
Shuli said the driver they had bringing them home pulled over on the drive home. Ronnie said he wants to tell this story. He said they got them a car home. He said he should have had Shuli take the railroad home. Ronnie said they got in the car and this guy has his GPS set up. He had his address and then Shuli's address. He said he went the wrong way out of the parking lot. He said the guy makes a u-turn and stops. He said he showed up early and says he can't leave until 7:30. Ronnie said that he was looking at Shuli and the guy's screen shows where he has to go and he starts to go. He said it was some car service. Shuli said that was weird. Howard said maybe it was the GPS. Ronnie said that wasn't it.
Shuli had some pictures of Ronnie at the set. Howard said Shuli was right up his ass. Ronnie said he was taking pictures of his ass going up stairs. Shuli said he wasn't fucking around. He said he was sent out to do a job and he did it. Ronnie said he was nice to everyone. He wasn't nasty like Shuli said.
Ronnie said that their van driver asked him to make a call to a friend and he did that. He said he was nice to that guy. He said he told him to be really bad. He said he said the guy's name and said it sounded like a cunt name. Shuli said there was a woman in the van who didn't get the joke at all. Ronnie said he didn't do anything to her. He said she works with them so she knows what it's all about. Howard said you can't do that. Ronnie said she knew it was a joke. Howard said she knows what Sandler is like and he's a G-rated guy.
Robin said that Ronnie doesn't know what's going on in that woman's head. The guys were doing their impressions of Ronnie using cunt with that guy. They were goofing on him relentlessly.
Shuli said they were in a van that takes you from base camp to the set. He said they had a driver, two guys and a girl. Ronnie said the girl was friends with the two guys. Shuli said he handed the phone to Ronnie and he saw her body language. He said she didn't have a glimmer of a smile on her face. Ronnie said Shuli thinks he knows what she's thinking. Robin said that's what Ronnie just said he thought he knew. Howard said poor Adam Sandler is going to go to jail over Ronnie. Shuli said he was getting crazy with the voicemail. He said he was cursing and saying crazy stuff. Ronnie said it wasn't that crazy.
Shuli said that the woman didn't say anything for a reason. He said she's not going to say anything to him. Howard said maybe he should have checked to see if anyone was in there. Ronnie said he knew she was in there.
Ronnie said Shuli does it all the time on stage. He said he insults women all the time. Shuli said he's doing stand up not doing comedy in a van. Ronnie said Shuli isn't funny. Robin said she's finding him funny. Ronnie said she would. Howard and the guys were all doing impressions of Ronnie talking on the phone with that woman in the van.
Howard said he can only imagine this woman listening to this. Shuli said if he could have seen her face from the front. He said he saw her looking out of the corner of her eye. Ronnie told Shuli to go fuck himself.
Howard and Fred were still doing impressions of Ronnie. Howard asked why he didn't just do it while there was no one around. He could have waited until they got to the parking lot. Ronnie said he was just doing it when the guy asked him to.
Howard said when they're out does he ever yell into a phone with people around? Ronnie said no. Ronnie said that's not his act. He said he does anything he wants to do. He said he's a fucking lunatic.
Shuli asked the driver to please call in with the voicemail that Ronnie left. He said he has to be listening because he knows he's a fan.
Howard said he's wasted. He said he has to end this. Howard said it sounds like a great movie and he can't wait to see Ronnie say his one word. Howard said he won't say it since Ronnie was asked not to say it. Howard said everyone will wait to hear his one word.
Shuli did an impression of Ronnie screwing up his line and saying it too early. Shuli said when he did that he put the headphones down and walked out of the tent. He said they went in as a team. Ronnie told Shuli that he did a great job. He said he's fucking awesome as usual. Shuli said he knows he's pissed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they live vicariously through Ronnie. He said they all wish they could say what he's saying. Howard did his impression of Ronnie talking to Chris Rock and talking about accepting an academy award and thanking all the cunts out there.
Ronnie was laughing hysterically at Howard's impression. Shuli said he lost his mind. Howard said that he wants to go home now. He said he's exhausted. Ronnie said fuck the news. He said she doesn't have anything. Howard said she does have stories. Ronnie went off on Robin for sticking the knife in his back but she won't let him get back at her. Howard said he is exhausted from Ronnie.
Howard asked what Ronnie is laughing about. Ronnie said nothing. He said he's acting. Howard said he's his security and he needs him today. He said that's what's funny. Ronnie said that Mike is busy today.
Howard asked if Stephanie made love to him after his day. Ronnie said she made him dinner. Howard was still doing his impression of Ronnie and goofing on him with Fred and Shuli. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
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Howard said he's all laughed out. He took a call from a guy who said he had to give Fred his props. He said he's been around some hardened criminals but Fred's impression is more disturbing than anything he's seen.
Howard asked Robin what she has in the news. They played her into it with a song parody about her ''Beautiful Nipples'' to the tune of ''Beautiful People.''
Robin started off her news talking about how people are buried when they die. Howard said he's going to be buried above ground so he can get out if he's still alive. Howard said he had to make sure that his cat was dead before they took him away. Howard said he wants to be kept intact and with an exit out of his coffin. Howard said he will have a door to get out. Howard said he will build a contraption to get out. Robin said she's sure this new way of disposing of bodies won't be on his list of things to do. Robin said she thinks they're pretty good at telling when people are dead now. Robin said this new way of disposing of bodies is dissolution. Robin said they did that on Breaking Bad. Howard said he doesn't want that. Howard said Ronnie locked him in the car with child locks. He said that he'll tell that story next week. Robin said he's tickling her ass with a feather again.
Robin read more about the dissolution thing. Robin said once you're cremated you don't know what to do with the ashes. Robin said a lot of people want to be sprinkled somewhere. Robin said they usually blow back on the person who is sprinkling them. Robin said she remembers that Brad and George Takei did that and got ashes all over themselves. Robin said maybe dissolution is better. Howard said he wants an air horn in his coffin. He said if he hits it twice then come and get him.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked Ronnie for giving them the greatest week of radio. Howard said it's all him. He said you can't do better than Ronnie. Howard said next week they're thinking of doing 3 days of Ronnie. He said they can call it Mund 100.
Robin read a story about how they're saying they may be able to set up stations to have people pick up their Amazon orders. Robin said you'll be able to get this stuff in 2 minutes. Howard asked how that's going to work. Robin said they're going to test it out in colleges at first. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about some girls who are accusing Roman Polanski of abusing them. Robin had some information on one woman who claims she was abused at 16. Howard said he's starting to get the feeling that this Roman Polanski is a creep. Howard said some kids get scared that bad things will happen if they tell on these creeps. Robin said even young adults have a hard time with it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Trump being defended by Paris Hilton. Robin said that she did an interview for Marie Claire where she said that those women who accused Trump of molesting them are just looking for a pay out.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked when they will see Ronnie's performance in that movie. Howard said they're not sure yet. He said when they know they'll say something. Howard said he loves that Ronnie had just one word. Balls said Letterman seemed kind of critical of his past work. Howard said he put all of his energy into it and he doesn't think he got it right. Howard said he thinks he got the shows right that he was on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Letterman interview was amazing. He said he was hoping he'd ask about the Conan and Jay Leno thing. Howard said he covered that at the Birthday show. He said there's so much to talk to him about.
Robin said it sounds like Dave wants an invitation to come in once in a while. Howard said that invitation is out there.
Robin read about how Trump will be back in New Jersey at his golf club. Robin said there were protests going on in the city last night while Trump was there. Robin said he's going back to the golf course. Howard said he and Robin don't get that kind of time off. Robin had some audio of Trump defending the neo-Nazis and white supremacists. Howard said the people marching alongside those people weren't nice people. Howard said if you're a nice person you don't march next to Nazi flags. Howard asked if he really thinks they were nice people. Robin said oh yes. Howard said they have to remember all of the men and women who died fighting Nazi and Japanese in World War II. Howard said not a day goes by that he doesn't thank God for them. Robin said her father was in both the Army and the Navy.
Robin had more audio of Trump talking about the taking down of the statues and where that's going to stop. Robin asked who he's listening to. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said He doesn't even know who those people are. Gary said he was reading that almost everything he said in that speech leads back to FOX News and what they were talking about. Robin had more audio of Trump talking about the Charlottesville attack. Howard said Nazis are terrorists. Howard said we fought a war against Nazis. Howard asked what's going on here. He said Nazis are terrorists. Howard said Al Queada and ISIS are terrorists. Howard said horrible things happened with Nazis. Howard said that thousands of guys died because of that war with the Nazis and Japanese. Howard said it was relentless. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Robin read a story about Lebron James hosting an event last night and talking about the Charlottesville incident. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Robin had some audio of Stephen Colbert weighing in on this as well. Robin wondered if he hears all of this and wonders why people don't agree with him. Howard said if someone tells him that people are marching with Nazis then they're Nazis as well. Robin asked if he doesn't get why people are laughing at him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she's going to have to drive Ronnie around as his limo driver. Howard said imagine that. Fred had Ronnie's maniacal laugh that he was doing earlier. Howard said that's so funny that Ronnie didn't like the way his driver hit the brakes.
Robin had more clips of people speaking out against Trump's comments. Robin had one clip of a great grandson of Robert E. Lee speaking about how he thinks everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Robin said he also says he doesn't think his grandfather was a racist. Howard said he sounds like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings. Robin had a few clips of him talking that they went through. That led to Howard doing his Ronnie impression again.
Robin read a story about how Trump wants to start spending money on the country's infrastructure. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said that's good.
Robin read a story about the solar eclipse that's coming next week. Robin said some of the stations are going to carry it. Robin said they'll see about 70 percent of it there in New York. Robin said some schools won't allow kids outside during the eclipse. Howard said that's good. He said you can go blind from it. Robin had audio of someone from a school talking about keeping the kids indoor during the eclipse. Robin said they have special glasses people can wear to look at it. Howard said he wears those every day.
Robin read a story about how Governor Patacki is backing Kid Rock. Howard said no kidding. Robin said that he's saying he's the kind of candidate they need right now.
Robin read a story about Daniel Craig announcing that he will return as James Bond when he was on Colbert's show last night. Robin said that he says the last time he said he didn't want to do it anymore he was tired from his last shoot. Robin said he wants to go out on a high note so he's doing it again.
Robin read about how Quentin Tarantino is was suggested to direct a Bond film. Robin said Eli Roth was questioned about this and he said what fun that would be. Howard said he'd go see that. Robin said Quentin shied away from that but he was flattered. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.