Howard started the show talking about how exciting it is when Rob Zombie opens the show. He said hello to George Takei who was sitting in. Howard said yesterday was in the 80s in the city. George said he's been there since February. Howard asked if he went for a walk yesterday. George said he is performing in a musical called Pacific Overture so he didn't get out.
Howard said he's amazing. He said he has a huge, gay birthday party for him today. George said he knows he's reached that landmark 80 years old. Howard said he looks amazing. George said the birthday is actually on the 20th. Howard asked if he has any aches and pains at 80. George said he does actually. He said there's a little ache in the hips. He has heating pads on now. Howard asked about the push ups he does every day. He does 100 push ups and 50 sit ups every day. Howard asked if semen is the fountain of youth. George laughed and said that's where life originates. He said that when Brad is inside him and finishes maybe that's where it comes from. He said he hasn't been doing anything different. Howard said he looks fantastic. Robin said if it is the fountain of youth is Howard going to partake. Howard said he might need to blow Brad. George said he has a contract. George said he does use moisturizer. Howard said he breaks out when he uses that stuff.
Howard asked if he and brad wrestled for Easter. George said they did but it's not as vigorous as it used to be. Howard asked if it's from the age. George said they have had to adjust. He said that he has to use his imagination now with Brad. Howard said someone told him that Brad hit Easter eggs in his ass and George had to find them. George laughed.
Howard asked who would win in a real wrestling match. George said Brad is 17 years younger than he is. He said it might be a pleasant submission. Howard asked if it takes a long time for him to get hard. George said he doesn't worry about it so much. He said it does take a little longer now at 80. Howard asked if it's his age or that Brad isn't in shape. George said it's normality. Howard asked if he gets hard quick when he masturbates. George said he does. Howard asked if he ever uses a cock ring. George said he never does. Howard said Ronnie is into that. Howard said they have a big show today for George. George thanked him for the bag full of goodies they had for him. Howard said they're going to make it normal for him today. He said he's going to have every fantasy fulfilled today.
Howard said at 80 he could be the longest living person. He said he looks 30. George said his grandmother had a wonderful philosophy for life and she lived to 104. He said he's very competitive. He said he's had surgery on his feet and because of that it's tough. Howard said he's aging in his feet. He said his feet look 80. George said Howard had the audacity of showing his photos of his feet to people. Howard said it's going to be so gay in there today it'll be gay to the 50th power. Howard said they wish George a long life and he's young at heart. He said his grandmother lived to 104 so did Brad cum on her face too? George said he heard his grandfather was a frisky guy. He said he enjoyed his scotch in his 60s so he died to Cirrhosis of the liver.
Howard said George drinks some wine. George said of course. He said he's a Californian and that's one of their main industries out there. Howard asked if he's eating meat at all. George said he does occasionally. Howard asked if he smoked weed. George said he did a long time ago but he didn't enjoy it.
Howard said he hopes he looks as good as George does at 80. George said he looks good. Howard laughed. Howard said they're going to start the big gay birthday party soon. He said every cast member in George's play appears on stage bare foot except for George. Howard said he thinks it would bring in more ticket sales if he did show his feet.
Howard asked if Brad is doing anything for his birthday. George said he's getting hints and he is going to act surprised if he does something big. Howard said maybe a birthday BJ would be good. He said that if the party is half as good as today's he'll be good.
Howard said George had a big success with his play ''Allegiance'' and he video recorded it and showed it and it made like $1 million in theaters. Howard said he's having success. Howard said the one thing he can't understand is this movie Fast And Furious. He said the 8th one came out and it made $552 million the first weekend. Howard said it's a bunch of cars. He said he has seen a couple and it's baffles him. He said he would have passed on it in 2 minutes if he was a studio head. He said that Vin Diesel just bought Apple. George said Star Trek has done 14 movies and this is only the 8th for that franchise.
Howard said George had Star Trek and all of these other things and on April 1st he said he was going to run for congress as a joke and people came out supporting him. Howard said he's not sure why Trump went and did what he did at 70. Howard said he's going to Mar-A-Lago every weekend so it appears he wants free time. George said it is important for democracy. George said he has run for city counsel before. He said that he was leading until 9:30 at night. He said he they should have stopped counting then.
Howard said he heard a story about George. He said he was on Star Trek and he somehow met the director Francis Ford Coppola. George said he went to school with him. He said they did a play. He said this was way before Star Trek. Howard said this is a fascinating story. Howard said they didn't end up wrestling and blowing each other. Howard said Francis was an acting friend. George said he was acting and Francis was making films. Howard said Francis asked him to loan him $500. Howard said George had some money from acting. George said Francis asked him for the money and he loaned it to him. Howard said he went on to create The Godfather and other big movies later on. Howard said George says he never paid him back. George said he kept bumping into him and he didn't want to be aggressive. He said he wanted him to initiate the conversation. Robin said maybe he doesn't remember that. George said he had forgotten about it. Howard asked how he talked to him about it. George said he heard it from another source a few years ago. He said he got a letter from him and he said he had no memory of it at all. He said he was sorry if he did forget. Howard said if someone lends him 10 cents he always pays back. George said he is an artist and it's easy to forget. George said he forgets too.
Robin said he's probably borrowed a lot of money in his life. George said he had his own studio at one point. Howard asked what Francis said. George said he was sorry if he did and he'd like to invite him and Brad to spend a week with them at his winery. He said they haven't had the opportunity to do that yet. Howard said he should have written him back and said he wants his 500 dollars. He said with interest he should get a lot more. Howard said he ash a net worth of over $250 million. Howard said forget the invite. George said he's sure it'll be well worth being wined and dined. He said he'll try doing it this year.
Howard said that George is in the news for tweeting something about how similar Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un are. George said they really are. He said they are volatile and they are very dangerous. Howard said George tweeted that thought and FOX News is attacking George over that. George said they attack him all the time over there. Howard played a clip from FOX News where they talked about his tweet and read some of the comments that people had for the tweet. Howard said that they had nothing about Bill O'Reilly over there this morning. Howard said Bill says he wants to wrestle Brad and George. George said he doesn't make for a good wrestling mate. Robin said even he's turning him down. Howard said it's funny with these people who are conservatives are so sexually deviant.
Howard gave George an F, Marry Kill with Sheppard Smith, Bill O'Reilly and Neal Cavuto. George picked Sheppard Smith but Howard told him he has to fuck one, marry one and kill one. George said he would kill Bill O'Reilly and fuck Shep and marry Neal. George said they have a whole bunch of trolls out there and he doesn't let them affect him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's excited for George today. He said there's going to be over 10 feet of cock in the studio. Howard played a promo for the big gay birthday show. They said they have over 80 feet of penises today in that promo. Howard said they have to say there were over 100 feet but they had to cut 20 feet.
Howard took a call from Steve from Florida who asked George why he's so opposed to Gay Zulu in Star Trek. Howard said it's Sulu, not Zulu. Howard asked George why he was opposed to him being gay in the new Star Trek. George said Gene Roddenberry didn't create that character as a gay character. He said he created all of the characters as straight because he had to. He said Sulu had a daughter who took over the helm of the Enterprise. He said it would change the history of the show. Howard said maybe he had a wife because he was closeted. George said no. He said the daughter was the product of a one night stand. He said that he was established as straight. He said Gene created the show that has lasted for 50 years and that's an achievement where they should honor that person. He said in honor of Gene all of the characters should be respected as who they are. He said maybe create an original character. Howard said George said that it was unfortunate that they were doing that.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call with George in it. Howard said they called a religious show. Howard played the call where they had a fake George talking about being straight but then he falls back into being gay. The hosts of the show said that he was disgusting and hung up on him.
George asked who did the voice. Howard asked the guys who did that. Gary said that it was their buddy Piot. Howard said he doesn't think George has ever met him. Gary said he has not. Howard said they have to take a break and get to the big gay birthday party.
Howard said things are about to get very gay in there. He said that they're going to have some gay men coming in. Some guys came in and George kept saying ''Oh my!'' as they came in. There were 6 guys from an off Broadway play where the guys are naked. George said that he saw the play 10 years ago and they have maintained themselves very well. Howard said his eyes just opened really wide. George said they have great abs and pecks. Howard said they have no problem being nude. They were all naked in there. The guys said they're barefoot in their play too.
Howard asked the guys if they have had a difficult time going in on their audition getting naked. The guys said they just did it. One guy said he had to get naked for the director and he seemed to like it so...
Howard said being naked on stage is a big decision. One guy said it's liberating. George said they have nice cocks. He said they're pendulous. Howard said some of them are very large. Howard asked if the guy in the middle is erect. The guy said this is the way it hangs. Howard said he wishes he had that. Howard said he's jealous. He said they're very lucky.
Howard said the play is called Naked Boys Singing. Howard said they are going to perform a song for George today. George said they must all be under 25. Howard asked what George would have done in the old days. George said he'd do it even now. He said it's a bounty. Howard said this is the greatest birthday ever. George said it is. He said he's been in gay bars but nothing like this. Robin said this is heaven. George was laughing and singing ''I'm in Heaven...''
Howard had the guys perform their song. They performed a song about cock to the turn of ''Hot, hot, hot!!!''
George said he knows what he wants for his birthday and he's got it. Howard said he was masturbating during that song. George said he has to go see that show. Howard said he's never been so sad to be straight. He said it must be fun to be gay. Howard gave the guys some plugs for the play and asked about how long it is and if they have gay and straight people in it. George said their backsides are great too. He said they have bubble butts. He said he feels like having some dinner right now. Howard asked if he's too old for them. The guys said no way. One guy said George doesn't look a day over 79.
Howard gave the guys a plug for the play they're in and said that they're up to 50 feet of cock already and there's more to come. George said ''Look at that schlong!'' and laughed. Howard let the guys go after that.
Howard said that's so great. He said live long and prosper. George thanked Howard so much for that. He said that's just the appetizer too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the prank call Howard played earlier was so great. He said he didn't know what to expect today but that was great.
Howard said they're going to take a walk down memory lane. He said George used to go to the Brambles and they tracked down the guy George had sex with in 1968. Howard had him on the line and the guy said he thought it was the Rambles but he'll say it's the place where George fucked him in the ass. He said he's still there trying to meet guys there. He said that he's been blowing dudes for the past 50 years. The guy said that there's a cop coming so he has to get going. He said he's either going to be arrested or blow the cop. Either way he had to go.
Howard let that guy go and George said that he cops were some of the best hung guys. Howard said they have a birthday wish from Liberace. He had a bit the guys created.
Howard said they have something else very gay. Howard said Richard and Sal asked if he would let them know who has the cutest asshole. Howard said George is going to be the judge. Sal and Richard came in and they were wearing kimonos. George said they're female kimonos. Sal said once he sees their cocks he'll think they're female. George said he had the appetizer earlier and now this is the entree? Howard said he wants to understand what they're going to do. He said that they're going to bend over and show their assholes. Howard told George he has to pick the cutest one.
Sal and Richard bent over and showed George their assholes. George said that he's seen them before. He said he's seen their buns too. Sal bent over and spread his cheeks. Richard told him to get closer if he needs to. George said he doesn't need to. He went over and actually touched their asses. George said he would say this pair here and picked Richard. Sal said ''Oh shit.'' George said they both have nice hanging balls. He said Sal's swing more. Sal told him to taste their balls. Howard said Sal knows how to ruin a party.
Howard said Richard wanted to do push ups over his naked body. George said he can do that. He said he had to hook his feet over this. Howard had George do his thing. Howard told him not to drop dead on them. Richard was on the floor and George was going to do push ups over his naked body. Howard said his penis and balls will be right there for George. Richard was cracking up and George did his push ups over him. Everyone was cracking up. Richard said he's right in his crotch and he's chubbing up a little bit. Richard was laughing harder than he's ever laughed on the show. George wouldn't stop going. Howard said Richard is hard. Richard said he's not hard.
Howard said George did like 50 push ups. George said it was only 30-40. He said he had some inspiration. Howard said George's face was hitting his penis. Richard said his nose hit his penis. George said it was more than his nose. Howard said that was gayer than he thought it would be. Howard asked how that felt. Richard said it was great. Howard said they always thought Sal would be doing that to Richard. George was still out of breath from it. Howard asked how many 80 year olds can do that. Richard said he's the only one he's tried.
Howard asked how his penis smelled. George said it smelled nice. He said it was that rich, musky smell. Howard said this is so much fun. He said George is going to cum before the end of the show. Howard said they have other surprises for him.
George was still out of breath. He said Richard and Sal were breath taking. Howard asked him not to have a heart attack on him now. He said he wants him to survive this show.
Howard said they learned that George has made love to women in his past. He said he has a woman on the phone who he did fuck at some point. Howard picked up and it was one of the guys in the back watching a game. Howard asked if it's true she had sex with George. She said her name is Greg and she had sex with George. He said her name is short for Gregolina. She said he was very drawn to him by something but maybe it was his ass that brought him in. Howard let ''Greg'' go a short time later. George said he had a fake name he used when he was out getting guys and it was Greg Tamaki.
Howard asked Andy to tell him what's going on today. Andy said last time he was on the show he received a gallery of pictures by direct message from straight listeners who want to show their dick pics with him. He said he's encouraging people to send them to George on Instagram today. He said he thinks he'll love that. Howard asked how many pics he gets every day. Andy said it's down to a trickle but for a few weeks it was a flood. Howard asked if he likes seeing them. Andy said that some are pretty great. George said he's seen 8 this morning already. He said that some of them were exceptional and extraordinary. Robin said he forgot about Richard and Sal already.
Howard said they have a crown for the top gay. He said that Andy has some news for him. Andy said for today he's giving George his crown and crowing him top gay for today. Richard and Sal came in with the crown after Howard sang a song for him. Howard sang Miss America theme song but with lyrics about him being the top gay in America.
George said he thinks he's going to give this to the Japanese American National center for the day. Howard said that cock on the crown was Caitlyn's cock. Howard said he thinks every gay man is attracted to Andy Cohen. George said of course. He said he has been on his show. Andy said he felt some sexual tension with George. George said he was relaxed on the show. Howard said he's never seen George said happy with that cock on his head.
Howard asked Andy if he was shocked that Caitlyn had her cock removed. Andy said he was very happy for Caitlyn.
Howard said that he appreciates the crown being given to George today. He let Andy go a short time later. Andy wished George a happy birthday again. Howard said he's going to take a break and let George relax a bit. Howard said he has another phony phone call with George in it. Howard had him do an announce and then played the call as they went to break. In the phony phone call one of the guys called a radio show and wished George a happy 80th. He told a story about meeting George once and he took him to his room and ate his asshole and then he said 'Oh my' and came in his mouth. They called back a couple of times and told more George Takei stories.
Howard said they have something very gay now. He said this is courtesy of Benjy. Howard said Benjy has been preparing outside. JD was cracking up when Benjy came in. Howard said Benjy has been out preparing and he's playing with himself now. He wants George to evaluate his cock. Benjy said he does. Howard said Benjy thinks he has a beautiful penis. Benjy said millions of people have said it's beautiful around the world. Howard said he doesn't think it looks that good. Benjy was trying to fluff up a bit. George said that's alright.
Howard said he has a mushroom head penis. Howard said he saw pictures of it and he's seen him nude many times. Howard asked George to take a look. Howard had Benjy do his thing. George took a look and Benjy was very close to him showing it. George asked if that was the full length. Benjy said it's flaccid. George said it is beautiful. He said it doesn't come in context. Benjy said he has to make it hard. He wanted to show the pictures to him. George told him to pull his pants down. Howard said Benjy is embarrassed that he's fat. Howard said he has to take a deep breath. George said the head is nice. Howard asked what's wrong wit it. George said it needs length. Howard said Benjy is very nervous. He said George is trying to talk to him about his penis. George said it's a nice shape and color. Howard asked what's wrong with it. George said there's nothing wrong with the head itself. He said it's just short. Benjy said it's flaccid though. Howard said the other guys who came in had big penises. George said they come in all shapes and sizes.
Howard said he thinks he's trying to say it's not that great a penis. George said it's not as a whole. He said the completeness of it isn't what gay people expect. Howard let Benjy go a short time later. He said that was so bizarre and uncomfortable. He said he hopes they get the video of this out somewhere. He said this kid Benjy every minute he's tweeting out his naked penis. He said Benjy thinks it's beautiful but they were horrible pictures. Howard had the guys show the pictures to George. Howard said he was asking Benjy what he was doing because it's not beautiful. He said he didn't think it was doing him any favors. George said it's got some balance to it. He said there's something called modesty. Howard said he'd rather watch a beheading than look at that. He said that's like crime scene photos to him.
Howard said he feels that Benjy wants a lot of attention. He said he loves being talked about and all of that. George asked if he gets a lot of sex. Howard said he should talk to him about that off the air. Howard said he doesn't ask. George said it's not the most attractive thing. Robin said he needs to hear the truth like that. Howard said he shouldn't be putting that out there. George said it should be personal and private. JD was laughing in the background while they were talking about that. George asked if JD would do that. JD said no.
Howard said they went to a gay bar and showed the pictures of Benjy's cock. He played the audio of what people were saying about Benjy's cock at that gay bar. They weren't impressed.
Howard said that's something else. He asked if that's cock shaming. George said it is. He said he's asking for it though. Howard said those guys wanted him arrested for that.
Howard said George is turning 80 and this is a big deal. George said this certainly is. Howard said they found George's camp counselor who turned him on to the gay stuff. Howard picked up and one of the guys in the back office was playing the part of the guy. The guy said that George was the first merit badge in fisting. Howard said he's the man with the golden arm hairs. They spent a minute talking to him and George said he didn't have a new York accent because it happened in California. Howard said maybe he moved to New York.
George said he saw that guy on TV news about 20 years after he was in camp with him. He said that they had some plane hijackings and a plane coming back to Los Angeles was hijacked and they were interviewing people coming off the plane. He said he looked like a businessman with jowls at that point so he didn't want to get back in touch. George said he knew it was him because they gave his name and he saw him. Howard said that's when you wonder how you had sex with him. George said it was unforgettable with him.
Howard asked what the camp counselor did with him. George said that he came on to him and said there are people who attracted to each other. George said he liked his blond hair and he liked it on his forearm. Howard said it was that hair that turned him on. George said he was tan so it was glistening too. George said the guy was touching him and they did it in a cabin there. Howard asked where everyone else was. George said they were off on a hike or something. Robin asked why he stayed back. George said he didn't remember why. He said they started talking and one thing led to another. He said 20 years later he saw him and he was amazed at how much he had changed. Howard wondered if the guy would have known he was the guy on Star Trek.
George was giving the phony Arnold a hard time like he was the real Arnold. George said he fooled the gay people in California by lying to them. Arnold didn't have much to add. He was just making that moaning/screaming sound.
Howard let Arnold go and said he has to come to the finale of this big gay birthday party. Howard said one of his favorite guests is Jason Ellis. Howard said George saw his cock and touched it. Howard said Jason and Sal put stuff in their cocks for George and George was horrified that he'd do that to his cock. Howard said he has a clip of that. He played a clip from the show where George was telling Jason he has a beautiful cock and he can't believe he'd do that to it.
Howard said Jason is there with a box for George. Jason came in and he was nude. Howard said he's still in great shape. Jason said he's not really nude. Howard said you can see his penis is wrapped in tin foil. Jason said he had to wrap it himself. Howard said Jason has agreed to let George unwrap it himself. Jason said he's going to walk over there now. George was talking about going to Australia after he heard his accent. He unwrapped Jason's penis and said it's gorgeous. Howard said he's molesting him at this point. Jason thanked Howard for this. Howard said it's just an unwrapping but George is fondling him. George said he just wants to warm it up because it's a little cold.
Howard said this was so nice of Jason to do for George. George thanked him for this. Howard said he's stroking his penis as they talk. George said he has a wonderful feel to it. He said he's still trying to warm it up. Jason said he's kind of nervous and George is kind of stroking his cock. Howard said he's petting it like a puppy. Robin said it's like being in a ceramic class. Howard said he's a top MMA type fighter. Jason said he's now a top gay MMA fighter. Howard asked if his wife is okay with this. Jason said he's not married but he is engaged. He said she knows he's bi so she's fine with it.
Howard said he has to tell George that he's not impressed with his abilities. He was stroking him for like 10 minutes and he didn't get him aroused. Jason said it's tough in there to get aroused.
Howard said George doesn't look 80. Jason said he really doesn't. Howard asked if he has ever tried being with a guy that age. Jason said he hasn't as far as he knows. He said he'd be okay with George doing it though. He said he's really into it. George said he thinks the foil made it cold. Jason said it was watching Benjy trying to get hard in the back room that didn't help.
George said he loves his accent and Jason is gorgeous too. Howard said if Jason can't be there they can't have a party. He said that Jason was doing his thing and he had to do this. Jason said he flew from L.A. to do it. He said he's flying back to L.A. tonight. Jason asked if he wants to get a hold of this. George said he'd like to do that. Jason said he would do both George and Brad. Howard asked if Brad would be into that. George said he'll work on it. Howard said that he's going to be Brad and he wants George to talk to him about this. George did his thing and told ''Brad'' that they like new things in their relationship. Howard said he knew this was going to end his marriage. George said he would like to do this and he thinks that he could talk Brad into it. Howard said maybe Jason could sneak over to the hotel and do it and maybe not tell Brad about it. George said that he's on the Howard Stern Show so he's not sure he could get away with that. He said Jason is a beautiful man.
Howard said he thinks that if he could do it without anyone knowing it would be something he'd like to do. Howard said he thinks that George would do it.
Howard said he thinks that George would swallow his jizz. Jason said of course he would. He said that's the right thing to do. Howard said Jason has made this very special.
Howard said Jason has a lot of tattoos. He asked George if he's into that. George said he's not into the tattoos so much but he's into the canvas they're on. Howard asked if there's going to be any anal involved. Jason said he's on the Howard Stern show so he is pretty tight. He said that he might let George do that.
Howard said Fred just said he wants in on this too. George said ''Oh my'' to that. Howard said he thinks that the fantasy is that George would go to Jason's house and he'd fuck Jason while Brad is making dinner. Howard said he should give George a free pass at this point. Howard asked if there would be tongue kissing. George said yes and Jason seemed to be into it. Jason said he's not a big kisser when it comes to guys. Jason said it's a little weird for him. He said he feels uncomfortable doing that.
Howard said he thinks that most of them think of Jason as being straight. George asked how may gay relationships he's had. Jason said he's had gay sex hundreds of times but never a relationship. He said he gets blown and just moves on. Howard said maybe this could all go down at Coppola's winery. George laughed. Jason said he's sober so that might not be a good idea. George said he looks great being sober. Jason said he hopes to make it to 80. He said that he's 45 now.
Howard said he has to give Jason a plug. He said you can watch him fight in ''King of the Cage'' where he fights professional fighters. He said he gets himself knocked out. Jason said this is an MMA cage fight and this is the second one. He told Howard why he's doing it and Howard didn't understand why he'd want to hurt himself doing it. Jason said it fulfills him like the things that Howard does fulfills him. He said it's just for a few years. He said he's not going to keep going for a long time. He said he may retire after a couple of fights.
Jason said he's doing a car race and a fight in the same day. He said he loves challenges. Howard asked who gave him this challenge. Jason said that the fight and the race are the same day and he loves a challenge so he's going to do both in the same day.
Howard said that Jason is very macho. He said he can beat the shit out of people and race cars. Jason said he before he dies he just wants to be himself.
Howard asked if Jason is going to drop the marriage thing and just go all gay. Jason said no. Howard said George has had women but he's very gay. George said he had an African American woman and she was gorgeous. He said he swings. Howard said Jason should jump in and go all gay. Jason said he doesn't want to do that. George was agreeing with him on anything he said.
Jason said he doesn't hate a man's ass but he loves a woman's ass. He said he's never seen a dude walk by and said ''Oh man'' when he sees his ass. He said that's just not what he does.
Howard said that George is trying to look at Jason's face but he can't do it. He keeps looking at his cock. Howard asked if his cock or thighs are the best. George said that whole area is nice. He said he has a beautiful face too.
Howard said he's sorry that he has to stand here like a piece of meat. Jason said that's alright. Howard asked who Jason is going to be fighting. Jason said it's Gabe Revis. Howard said that MMA is really hard core. He said he can get really hurt. Jason said he has a strategy and he's going to pick him apart. He told Howard what his plan is and how he's going to try to choke him out. He said he's 45 years old and he gets to do another MMA fight. He said the other guy is 48 so they're in the same range.
Howard said that he has Gabe Revis on the phone. He picked up and one of the guys in the back was doing a voice for the guy. Howard asked who arranged the fight. Jason said King of the Cage asked him for a fight and gave him a few choices. He said that he wanted to do the best show so he went with that guy.
Howard said he has never seen George look this in love. George asked how he can not be. He said that he's undressed in there. Howard said it's a compliment that he's looking at Jason that way. Jason said he does get the feeling that he's the hottest guy. George said he's impressive to him as a person. Jason told him to just take a look at him.
Howard asked if Jason really wrapped his penis himself. Jason said no one wanted to come near it. George said he would have wrapped it. Jason said it would have had to have been in a bigger wrapper if he had.
George said that Jason makes this world a better place. He said this kind of honesty and being free like that is great. He said he says he's bisexual but mostly straight. He said he would carve him in marble. He said that he's a gorgeous man. Howard said he's a big fan of Jason's. He said not many people would do this for the show. George said he feels honored.
Howard said the show has been wall to wall cock and balls. He said finally Jason will tea bag George. He said they'll all be watching him fight in King of the Cage. He said George may be his water boy. George said he's going to be in New York working so he won't be able to make it to the fight. George asked where he lives. Jason said they're really going in there hard. Howard said he's not messing around. He said this might go down. Robin said George knows how to close a deal.
Jason said he has a show too. He got in a plug for his show that's on from 11 to 2. He said he's on Faction Talk. George asked what he talks about. Jason said they talk about everything in the world today. He said there's a lot of profanity. He said it's similar to Howard's but his version of that. Howard asked if he's going to listen to his show with his pants down today. George said ''No comment.'' and laughed.
Howard gave Jason more plugs for the fight and for the radio show. Howard said he's busy and nude. He said that's it for the big gay birthday party. Jason and George hugged and George grabbed his ass according to Jason. Jason covered up with a towel too. Howard let Jason go after that.
Howard asked what his favorite part of today was. George said it was Jason of course. Howard said that he really doesn't know the guy but he seems to want to blow the guy. Howard said George thinks he's so wonderful. George said he's honest and fully forthright. Howard said he thinks he has to get to 100 so they can do this again. Howard said this is the opposite of the Benjy thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves that George was treating him like a sex object. Howard took another call from a guy who said he has no idea why he had Benjy in the studio. He said that JD was very distracting with his cackling. Howard said he didn't hear that. JD said he was taking pictures in there. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard said don't show that to Brad.
Howard said he's never seen anything like that. He said this has been some day. George said it was extraordinary. He said he's 80 years old. Howard said he's 80 and he was stroking a 45 year old's cock. George said that these were great gifts. He said he knows where the naked boys singing are so he can go see them. Howard said it's a good thing Brad overslept today. George said no he did not.
George said it was great walking up to do the show today and he was so blessed. He said it's such a gracious thing. Howard said he's so youthful at 80. He said he wants to live. Howard said it would be a shame if he died. George said he knows it will all change eventually. He said he thinks that his life will go on as other things when he dies. He said people have souls but they don't go anywhere. Howard said he thinks that he could be a big, gay tree some day. George said yes. He said you go back to being part of the whole. Howard said he just thinks we die and that's it. George said no because you continue. Howard said go back to talking about Jason's cock. George did that and talked about how honest Jason is and how he admires that. He said he didn't have the courage to talk about being gay like Jason does. George said he lived 60 years of his life closeted. He said Jason didn't have to do that. Howard said he admires that too. He said that it's tough to hide for that long. He said now that he's looking back he must wish he had the courage to live openly. George said he had to make those decisions back then. He said he wanted to have an acting career and he wouldn't have had an acting career if he was out. He said some of the cast knew he was gay but not Shatner. He said the others liked him and protected him.
Howard said they actually asked Shatner to come in today. He said they thought it would have been cool if they could have made that happen. Howard read a note from Shatner who said he's celebrating in his own way and he'll be at the mausoleum all day. George said he has no problem with William. Howard said he did when he worked with him. He said he felt he could have been more gracious to him.
George told Howard that William is 86 years old. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard said he wanted to get him in there but it didn't work. George said it would have been great if that had worked out. Howard said Shatner has said George has a psychosis about him. George said he's also said he doesn't know him at all. He said it's more about him than it is about ''me.'' George said that gay means happy, joyous and celebratory and that's what this show has been. Howard said they had a great time today. He said it was very exciting.
George said Howard has been a part of changing his life. He said 12 years ago he invited him to be his official announcer. He said that changed his career in a different way. He said he and Brad had to discuss that. Howard asked why he didn't tape that conversation. George said they may have actually. Howard said please go back and find that. George said he was out and he was campaigning and going to rallies. He said he was talking to those who were already on their side. He said to get change to happen they had to reach the vast middle and Howard had access to that. Howard said George is a great spokesperson for people. He said today George had over 80 feet of cock. George said these are all one sided.
Howard gave George some plugs for the Pacific Overture play and thanked him for all the years of coming in there. Howard played a final song for him and his big, gay birthday party. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had George Takei doing another read. Howard said what a morning it's been. He said Jimmy Fallon was scheduled to come in but he had to cancel. Howard said he was the host on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Howard said he wonders how he does as much as he does. Howard said Jimmy booked himself on Monday after doing Saturday Night Live and then he read he was out with Harry Styles at a big after party. He said he's sure Jimmy just burnt himself out. Howard said he didn't think he was going to make it in on Monday morning after that. Robin said Harry held on to Jimmy so long at the end of Saturday Night Live. She said that he didn't let go. Howard said that's called coitus. Robin said she wanted to find out what that was all about.
Howard said he was watching the first song Harry did and it was pretty good. He said it reminded him of a David Bowie kind of vibe. Robin said she thought it was kind of Beatle-esque. Howard said the second song he did he kind of zoned out on. He said he liked the first song. Howard said he tries to keep an open mind about that stuff. Robin said she was interested in that voice. Howard said he was good.
Howard said he was going to ask Jimmy about these two bits they did toward the end of the show. Howard said he thought it was the strong stuff. He said they had one where they had a Turtle Shell shirt. He said that was great and there was another one he wrote down. Howard said maybe he didn't send it to Jason. Howard said there was something else he liked. Howard said he can't remember. He wrote it to Jason this morning. Howard asked Jason to look in his notes. Jason checked and said he actually sent it to Jon. Howard said he remembers it. He said it was the basketball sketch. He said that was really strong. He said sometimes you have to sit and wait for the good stuff on Saturday Night Live.
Howard said he wondered how Jimmy was going to get in there. He said they got dropped but they'll reschedule. He said the Tonight Show has so much history. He said that the odds of getting that show are so small. He said that in his year book they said he was most likely to take over the David Letterman show. Howard said that's something. He said the odds of getting to do that are so slim. He said it's amazing.
Howard said they asked Charlie about a bit they did about Prince on The Chappelle show. He played a clip of Charlie talking about Prince and how he was able to jump from up high with heels on. Howard said he was right about that. He said he wore high heels and jumped.
Howard said Charlie was great at telling stories. He said he spent 10 months in prison as a teen and then went into the Navy after that. Howard played another interview clip where Charlie talked about that on his show.
Howard played another clip where Charlie told a story about farting and then meeting Michelle Pfeiffer a few seconds after letting out a ripe one.
Robin said that all of the parents are gone now from that family. Robin said that Charlie's wife passed away too. Howard said he seemed like a really good guy. Howard said he was close with Eddie too. Howard said he always assumed that brothers hated each other. He said he's glad he got to know the guy on the show. He said Chappelle really put him on the map.
Howard said he watched the Dave Chappelle Netflix specials over the weekend. Howard said that guy has gotten so perfect at stand up. He said the first one he watched was so good. He said he doesn't watch a lot of stand up these days and he can't hack it. He said that he burned out on it. Robin said she can't last long either. Robin said she thought she was only going to watch a little bit of his but she watched the whole thing. Howard said he watched both of them. He said Dave used to be on the show and he remembers him skinny. He said he came out on the special and he looks like a guy who went to prison and came out super ripped. Howard said he's not sure what he did but he has thick arms now. Howard said there's a movie where a guy goes to prison and comes out with a sick pack. Fred said it was Moonlight. Howard said he thinks Dave is like that guy. He said he looks completely different. Howard said he'd like to know how he got in that shape. Robin said maybe he just got bigger. Howard said the guy has a big, thick neck and shoulders. Howard said whatever he did to put on muscle worked. Howard said he looks like a professional body builder.
Howard said he looks at Dave and thinks he could have done that. He said that he should write an exercise book. Robin said she's not sure it's muscle. Howard said he'd like to see him box Mike Tyson. Robin said either that or Jason Ellis. Howard said Dave is in shape but he does smoke cigarettes.
Howard said Dave got the Chappelle show and he never heard from him again. Robin said after he quit the show he stopped coming in. Howard said he always considered Dave a fried. He said he came to a party he had at a restaurant. Howard said they spent some time socializing and he knew him from the show. Howard said he figured he was a guy who would stick with them. Howard said he was in his corner for a long time before he got the Comedy Central show. Howard said they've asked a bunch of times and they've declined. Howard said they were dumped by Dave. Howard said he figured he said or did something weird. Robin said she doesn't think so. Howard said he can't recall but who knows. Howard said maybe he didn't like the experience of being on the show. Howard said maybe he hated the show and Comedy Central. Howard said he goes on a lot of shows but not this one. Howard said he figured it was Fred.
Gary said that he has one person he deals with and he thinks Dave has been in the car with her and he's very nice about it but he turns them down. He said they've asked like 15 times. Howard said he thinks that it started before he left Comedy Central. Robin said she thinks it was after that. She said there was something going on with him. He had a lot of stuff going on and they got ground up in it.
Howard said he knows they probably wanted him to come on his show to promote the special. He said he really should have. Robin said the Kevin Hart story was hilarious. Howard said he has it down to a science. Robin said it's like he's talking to you at a bar. Howard said it makes the job seem simple but it's not. He said he's just rattling off things. He said he's so good. He said he's ''off the cuff'' as Steve from Florida would say.
Howard said he's really sorry to see Charlie Murphy gone. Howard said he's glad he did the show 4 times because he was really great. Robin said that he was on chemotherapy and he got pneumonia. Howard said leukemia is a ball buster. He said your body starts producing too many white blood cells and they give you Chemo to kill off the white blood cells. He said people die from other things because your immune system is down.
Howard read that Dave did a tribute for Charlie at a John Mayer concert. Howard said Dave must have a problem with him. He said maybe it's just that they're on so early in the morning. Gary said that Dave used to show up at off hours to show his wife what it was like being at the studio. Howard said he wishes he knew why he won't do the show. He said it's crazy. Robin said she once thought she was going to see Dave somewhere but it turned out to be Chris Rock. Robin said her friend told her it was Dave but it turned out to be Chris.
Howard said he thought they were friends but he must have been wrong. Howard said he was there for Dave early on. He said he wishes he could come on but whatever.
Howard said he was talking to a woman down there and she was talking about how she wasn't able to leave her house. He said it's already cost us $30 million or something like that. Robin said they can't keep up with it all so he's requesting more money. Howard said he's not sure if he knows the havoc he's reeking.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he might know why Dave is blowing him off. He said he came to a party once and he saw a bunch of goofy white people there so maybe he thought about how he doesn't want to hang with a bunch of goofy white people. Howard said that doesn't explain him not coming on the radio show. He said Dave wasn't a big star at that point. He said he was a good comedian and he liked having him on. He said it's a mystery to him.
Ralph said the new Louis C.K. special is great too. He said that he should check that out. Howard said he has to do that. He said he didn't realize how great he is. Howard said they were listening to Louis C.K. clips the other day and cracking up. Ralph said that he loves that he goes on and on about the kids. Howard let Ralph go after that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he's about to go in a bad area so his phone might go out. King said that the comedians liked Howard but then when they get big the people around them tell them that they shouldn't do the show. He said it might be because Howard is white. He said it was like Chris Rock's wife. Howard said Chris' wife didn't like him because she thought he was dirty. He said Chris came in anyway though. King said it's the people around them. Robin said King doesn't know that. Howard said he's talking to black people and he thinks they think the same. King said they do think alike.
King said that there was something else bothering him about his wife saying he shouldn't laugh in the back of the car. He said he didn't like that. Howard said that was like 3 weeks ago. King said he knows but it's a point he should make to keep it to himself. He said he doesn't have to express it to him. It's weird. Howard said alright and let him go. Howard said for once he had a good phone connection. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said Erik just turned 46 according to the guys. Howard said he's hard to peg.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Jimmy Kimmel wrote a story about him in the Hollywood Reporter. Howard had to cut her off to say that she doesn't have a conversation and she's talking about something that people may not know about. Howard said Jimmy wrote something very nice about him for the Hollywood Reporter. He said it was really nice and he called him to ask him what he owed him for doing that. Mariann said she just gets excited when she talks to Howard. Howard asked if she does this in her personal life too. Mariann said she thinks she lets them talk about who knows. Mariann said when Howard picks up she's afraid he might hang up on her and she may not get it all out... Howard hung up. Howard said sometimes you can't get a word in with her.
Robin started her news and talked about people going to a fertility clinic and they find that your mate is your fraternal twin. Howard asked what she means. Robin said a married couple found out they are biological twins after having a DNA test done. Robin said they met in college and they went to this clinic and found out they were related. Robin said they were twins. Howard asked how they didn't know that. Robin said they must have been split up at birth. Robin said she thinks this happened in India. Howard said he definitely isn't related to Beth. Howard said this must be fake news. Robin said it came off some internet site. Howard told her to name it. Robin looked and it came from The India Express. Howard said you know that's not a real story. Gary said he thinks Howard is right. He said that he did some research and found out that it's not a real newspaper that the India Times pulled the story from. Howard said they also found the Easter bunny. He said he read that in the India Times.
Robin read a story about a guy who met a guy on Grindr and dated him for a while and things didn't work out so one guy made up posts about the other guy and invited people over. Robin asked if that's his fault or Grindr's fault. Howard said it's the guy's fault. He said you have to be honest. Gary said the story is that the guy has begged Grindr to take it down and they're refusing to take it down. Howard said they can't police these things non stop. He said he wishes he was a judge.
Howard said there's breaking news and there's a giant lizard stomping around 6th Ave according to the India Times. Robin said she just loved that story and had to read it. Howard said he loves that story but he had to call bullshit on it.
Robin read a story about a contestant who outed another contestant as being transgender. Robin said Jeff Varner outed another guy named Zeke on the show in the Tribal Council segment. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. Howard said it's a recorded show so if they had a problem with it then they didn't have to show it on TV. Gary said he can tell him what happened there. He said this guy tells everyone that this guy is transgender. Gary said he had no idea after watching the guy for 2 seasons. Gary said it wasn't obvious. Gary said when the guy outed him everyone was like ''What the fuck?'' He said they got angry at that guy and said it was bullshit. Gary said Zeke was ready for it to happen so they aired it. Gary said the guy was trying to show that the Trans guy was being deceptive on the show and he ended up getting voted off himself. Gary said they were so mad at the guy that they didn't even vote. They just said it was time for him to leave. Howard said they're in their 35th season over there. Howard said he used to watch the show all the time. Gary said he has seen every episode. Howard said Mark Burnett must be worth a ton of money. He said he's created some shows that are huge. Robin said he has to be making a ton from Survivor. Howard said he must be worth billions. He got a note saying he's got a net worth of $450 million. Howard said that sounds about right.
Howard asked if Warren Buffett or Bill Gates is the richest man in the United States. Robin said it's Bill Gates. Robin told Howard about what Gates did to make his fortune. Howard said they say Jeff Bezos from Amazon is number 2. He said Warren Buffett is number 3. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about what Mel B's estranged husband is accusing her of now. Robin said he's saying that Mel B slept with Simon Cowell when she started working for him on The X-Factor. Howard said it shows you what a douche bag Simon Cowell is. Howard said the husband can use that as being a horrible thing. Howard said if he were Simon Cowell he'd be wondering why that's the same as wife beating. Howard asked if he's trying to imply that she banged her way to the job. Robin said he's simply saying that she had something with Simon Cowell. Howard said maybe he could have had something with her. Robin said maybe but he never made an overture. Howard said she did say that they were compatible once. He said he wondered why she'd think that. Howard said maybe she's his twin. Howard said he never heard her talking about Simon Cowell. He said this is all news to him. He said she was very proper around him too. He said most women tow the line and are very proper around him.
Robin read a story about United Airlines and how more people are stepping forward about being kicked off flights. Robin had one example. Robin said that Dr. Dao who was kicked off recently says that he lost some teeth and he was bleeding after being dragged off his flight. Robin said that they have hired attorneys and have told United to save all information from that removal from that plane. Robin said they're saying they're going to change their seating policy now.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he's been watching Gotham lately. Howard said he sounds like he's under water. He also asked why he's asking about Gotham if it's in hiatus. Speech Impediment Man didn't seem to know that. He said his wife took his TV so he doesn't know. Howard said he thinks it's been off for a couple of months now. Speech Impediment Man said he didn't know that. Howard said every time he calls in it's the same question. Howard said he watches it when it's on. Speech Impediment Man asked if Trump has had him over to Camp David lately. Howard said he doesn't go to Camp David. Howard said he really has to go.
Howard said he couldn't live without TV. He said he can't believe that he doesn't know that Gotham isn't on. Fred said it's coming back on April 24th at 8. Howard said he doesn't know because his wife took his TV. Fred did his Speech Impediment Man impression. Howard said he asked about him going to Camp David too.
Robin read a story about today being tax day. Robin said that you have to get your tax returns in. Robin said a lot of people were protesting and demanding that Trump release his tax returns. Howard asked Robin why she thinks he won't do that. Robin said there was speculation during the campaign that said he might not be a billionaire. Robin said he doesn't want you to know about his finances. Howard said every president has released that stuff so you know you don't have a conflict of interest. Howard said when he ran for governor he was told he had to release his tax returns and he just quit. He said that now he knows he could have just ignored it. Howard said he didn't have anything to hide. He just didn't want anyone to know what he was making. Howard said his lawyer told him he had to do it though. Howard said he was told he couldn't run unless he did it. Howard asked if there's a law in New York state or something. He said this lawyer told him they were going to say he can't run so he dropped out.
Robin had some audio of people at the protest asking to see the tax returns because they want to know if he has a conflict of interest. Robin said some people got into a fight with a guy in a wheelchair at a protest. Robin said you never see that. Robin said FOX News was making a big deal out of it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard jokingly said he was at the Pepsi protest. He said he bets that they were happy about that. He said it just brings people to check out the company. He said people goofed on it but so what. Howard asked if anyone handed out Pepsi at the Trump protest. Robin said she didn't see any being handed out there.
Robin read a story about a guy who killed someone and posted it on Facebook. Robin said police are looking for this guy and he may be headed to New York. Robin had some audio of an official talking about the guy. Robin said the guy posted video on social media yesterday afternoon. Robin said there is only one victim that they are aware of at this time. Robin said he posted it on social media and he could be heard laughing about killing that guy and others.
Robin said the Zika virus is showing up in the common mosquito and that's not good. Robin said they say the Asian Tiger mosquito has adapted to colder climates. Howard said that he thought it was going to die off in the cold weather. Howard said he didn't know Zika was even a thing. Robin said it's getting to be that season again. Howard said it's evidently still a thing.
Robin read a story about April the Giraffe finally giving birth on Saturday. Robin had some details about that. Howard said it was a cute giraffe. He said it was pretty big when it came out. He said imagine if you were inside your mother for 15 months. He said that giraffe was as big as he is. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Melissa McCarthy reappearing on Saturday Night Live as Sean Spicer on Saturday. Robin had some audio of her doing her thing. Robin said she's so good at that.
Robin read a story about the escalation of hostility between the U.S. and North Korea. Robin said they're sending a strong message that they can hurt us. Robin had some audio of a congressman talking about that on a news program. Robin said Mike Pence was in South Korea over the weekend. She had some audio of him speaking while he was there. Howard said that Kim Jong Un has a really weird hair cut. He said he has a nice head of hair but that shaved side of his head looks weird. Robin said she thinks he's trying to do something to cover up the fat face in some way. Howard said he does smile a lot for such an angry dude. Howard said he's sure if you walk up to him and laugh at his hair that he'll kill you.
Robin read a story about Prince Harry and how he had a complete break down after his mother died in a car crash. Robin said he didn't take time to grieve until he was 28. Robin had some audio of him on a podcast talking about that.
Robin read a story about Lady Gaga getting accolades for her performance at Coachella. She stepped in for Beyonce who had to step down when she got pregnant. Robin had some audio of Lady Gaga's song ''The Cure'' for Howard to play. Robin said that the Jenner girls were there. Howard said he saw one of the girls showing her ass in a see through outfit. Howard said one was wearing a neon blue wig. Howard said he gets the Us Magazine feed on his computer. He said he sees all of that.
Robin read a story about how in 1993 Dennis Rodman has revealed that Pearl Jam saved his life. He was in a car with a gun on his lap and he was listening to the song ''Black'' that he played every day and he thinks that saved his life. Robin had some audio of ''Black'' for Howard to play. Howard said that is a great song. Robin said it saved Dennis Rodman's life too. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started the show playing a Medicated Pete clip where he told us who is on the show today. He said Sheryl Crow is going to be on. Howard said he's very excited about that. He said the number 1 reason is that her new album is real good. Howard said a lot of people aren't putting out new albums that he can get into but she did. Howard said she's going to perform a new song and do some of her older songs too. Howard said she has done it all. He said she sold over 50 million albums. He said she was a back up singer for Michael Jackson and worked with George Harrison. He said she's done it all.
Howard said Sheryl is a fascinating woman. He said she sang back up for Prince too. He said when they met her she was on tour with Michael Jackson in his Bad years. He said she used to do the high part in ''Billie Jean.'' He said she sang that on tour. Howard sang some of that himself. Robin said she thinks he got that one right. Howard said she sang back up for Michael and could have fallen into that background singer girl but she didn't. He said he'll talk to her about that when she comes in.
Robin said they talked to Sheryl about her possibly being in a relationship with Michael and she said she didn't want to go there. Howard said they have the equipment set up in there. He said it should be a lot of fun.
Howard said he was reading about this Coachella concert out in Los Angeles or outside of it. Gary said it's like 2 and a half hours away. Howard asked Gary about how long it is and how bad the traffic is. Gary said it can be a lot of traffic if they all leave at the same time.
Howard said there's a Revolve festival out there and it must be within the Coachella festival. He said this woman is almost naked in this picture he was looking at. Howard said it's so not Woodstock. He said Woodstock was about the music. He said this is a whole thing with endless hot chicks. Howard said this model chick was in the Daily News and in the NY Post they had girls who were so hot. He said his head was spinning.
Howard said this one guy stole 100 iPhones at Coachella but he got caught. Howard said these girls he was looking at are so hot. He said girls are going all out for this thing. He said they're almost nude and it's mind blowing to him. He said he's not sure what to make of it. Robin asked why. Howard said it's like a fashion show and it's making him nuts. He said the girls are so hot. Robin said this is a place that attracts the Leonardo DiCaprios of the world. Robin said the girls have to be seen and noticed. Howard said it looks like a bunch of super models in short shorts. He said they're like models. He said Bill O'Reilly must have gone on vacation out there. He said that must be why he took vacation.
Gary came in and showed Howard a picture of Paris Hilton with her tits out. Howard said that's fantastic. He said her outfit shows nip and everything. He said she's almost naked. He said you see everything.
Howard said he would never go to something like that pre-fame. He said he'd just want to stay in his room. He said in college they went to this all girls school for a party and it was almost guaranteed that he'd meet a girl. He said it was like Pine Tree Forest college or something. Howard said all of the girls are hot there. He said anyone can get into that school. He said you sit in the lobby and then hook up. He said everyone went there and got laid except for him. He said that his friend Lou got a girl and ended up in her room. Robin asked what he did that made him so unapproachable. Howard said he had a lot going on. He said he can't answer that with one answer. He said he could spend all 4 hours on this. Howard said he would just sit there. He said he had a bad vibe and he's not a good looking guy. He said he had to rely on a personality that he didn't have. He said he must have looked like a serial killer. Howard said he had nothing going on and he had the stink of loser all over him.
Howard said he must have sat there with an attitude. He said he doesn't know what it was. He was just a mess. Howard said he wasn't a total disaster. He said he did have girlfriends but he had to work hard for them. He said his friend Lou didn't have a great personality. He said he didn't know what was going on. He said he'd stare at the TV sweating and people must have noticed. He said he looked like a wooden Indian. He said he had a much better personality than Lou. He said Lou did nothing wrong but he was attacking him.
Howard said it was a disaster. He said his girlfriend was television. He said he'd go to the Jewish parties with the AZA. He said you don't want to go to those in high school but he and his friends did it. He said he doesn't think he's a Jewish girl's dream. He said he's not aesthetically pleasing looking. He said he'd have his long hair in a pony tail thing and it wasn't a good look for him. He said he would have benefited from letting his natural curls come out. He said some girls were attracted to that. He said he should have had a slam dunk going to the AZA party. He said his friend Marty met the hottest girl there and he was kind of short and chubby. He said she came right over to him and they're still married. Howard said this was in high school that they met. He said she was hot. He said if she had looked at him he wouldn't have left her. He said he never would have gotten into radio. He said the rest of the girls were overweight but he wasn't choosy. He said he figured it would be easy. He said every girl ignored him the entire night. Even when he lit a cigarette they weren't impressed.
Howard said in the movie Night of the Roxbury they would dance over to the girls and he did something like that. He said he had the cigarette to look cool. He said he had a strategy. He said he thought that would get him girls. He said that's why people get addicted. Howard said this party was a nasty party. He said the girls looked like Benjy. He said they were like his Doppelganger. Howard asked when that word came around. He said they looked like Benjy but with smaller tits.
Robin said this all came about because of the Coachella story. Howard said it did. He said he'd be the only one watching the music while everyone else is there fucking. He said this is why he's in therapy so much. He said being famous helps. He said that women think you don't care about your look. He said it's just that he can't do anything about it.
Howard said there were so many hot chicks at that Coachella. He said David Spade told him he had that right when he talked to him about it. Howard said if you're a hot chick they put you in a certain area. He said there are levels of hot and you're completely evaluated. Howard said they have an app for dating for people who are famous. He said they vote on you to get you in. Howard said that some of the guys there were rejected even though they have a lot of Twitter followers. Howard said that they evaluate you at Coachella and they rope you off. He said if you're hot enough you can get into the Leonardo DiCaprio section. Robin asked if short girls can get in there. Howard said sure.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to go to that all girls school Pine Manor. Howard said that's it. The caller said they used to have a nut and bolt match dance. He said you'd walk around trying to find your match. Howard said he never did that. Howard said that caused him a lot of anxiety going there. Howard said they had a 40 minute ride and the guys would all tell him he was going to get laid that night. Howard said they said no one sits alone at Pine Mattress. He said that's what they called it. He said he got rejected at an AZA party. He said he's bumming himself out thinking about this. Howard said he's the only guy who never got laid up there. He said it's so humiliating.
Howard said they held the Easter egg hunt at the White House on Monday. He said Sunday is Easter. Robin said she thinks it's always been on Monday. Howard said he's trying to figure out why people didn't go. Robin said they apparently had some trouble with the planning there. Robin said that the first lady took it over and she's not doing all that much. Robin said it almost fell through the cracks. Howard said Melania doesn't want this. He said he read that she did read to the kids. He said she read a Kathie Lee Gifford book to them. He said kids must be idiots with the shit they teach them.
Howard said he doesn't get the Easter Egg hunt thing. He said he doesn't give a shit about the hunt. Robin said she didn't know the eggs are wooden. Howard said he didn't either. He figured they were real.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about the George Takei party yesterday. He said his friends were all saying they were disgusted but wanted to know more. Howard said his favorite moment was when George was on the couch and their friend Jason Ellis was there nude standing in front of George with his cock out. He said George had his cock in his hand and it's a massive cock. Howard said he's not sure he's even a dude after seeing that. Howard said he may be a girl. He said he might be a girl who is very flat chested. Howard said they're not even the same species. Howard said Jason's cock is like a big salami looking thing. Robin said it shows off very well. Howard said you look at his and it barely has any length or girth. Robin said it's like Benjy trying to find his. Howard said Benjy was trying to hide his body and it was hard to see his cock. Howard said if he were Jason Ellis he'd be showing his cock all the time.
Howard said George had this really demented smile on his face. He said he was petting it like a dog. He said George had the cock in his left hand and he was stroking it with his right hand like a puppy. He said he was fondling it. Howard said George said he wasn't jerking him off but then he showed how to jerk it off. Howard said this was fucking crazy. He said after that George talked about how wonderful the day was. He said most people would have been pissed.
Robin said imagine you're 80 and you still get that excited. Howard said that George is just a lovable pervert.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his favorite moment was when George told Howard he was a little rascal for trying to get William Shatner on the show. Howard said someone told him that Jason's penis was flapping around and George said ''pendulous.''
The caller asked if Howard thinks Jason and George will get together. Howard said he thinks Jason would do it so he has a story for the show. Howard said he thinks that it could happen. He said George was forgetting that he was on the radio talking to him about it.
Howard asked if they're surprised that George isn't a bottom. Howard said you'd assume that he is but he said he wanted to be on top and putting it in Jason's ass. Howard wondered how that works. Gary said there was one part where Jason said he would raw dog it and not use condoms and George said ''He looks clean.'' Howard said that all safe sex went right out the window after that.
Howard played some song parodies that came in after yesterday's show. He had one about George. They went to break after that.
Howard said George Takei left them a couple of announces. He played one where George talked about Barry Manilow revealing he's gay.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he thought the party was great and he might like cock now. He said he's been straight all his life. Howard said he can't imagine that it would change you in that way. Howard said there you go. He said Balls is gay now. Balls asked if Howard hears a song on the radio that he associates with big events in his life. Howard said of course. He said there are some that remind him of certain women in his life. Howard said he has given some examples. He said that song where they have BB King singing ''Been down hearted baby'' and when he hears that it just wrecks him. He said that song brings back so many memories. He said it triggers something in him. Fred played the Primitive Radio Gods song ''Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth with Money In My Hand.'' Howard said this song just brings things out in him. He said that he can't stand that BB King is dead either. He said he hates that. Howard said he only likes music that makes him sad. He said if it's a happy song he won't listen to it. He said that's why he likes Nine Inch Nails and stuff like that.
Howard said this is where BB King comes in and he defies you to not feel something. Howard said it reminds him of a girl he loved that he couldn't be with. He said it just fucks him up. He said it's something he can never talk about.
Howard said he's having a hard time thinking of the other songs that affect him. He said songs can have that ability.
Robin said she had some of the greatest sex to the song Kashmir when she was in the Air Force. Robin said she didn't know Led Zeppelin but her boyfriend did. Fred played some of the song. Howard asked if she got anal to that. Robin said no she did not.
Howard said another song he relates to someone in his life is ''Stars'' by Hum. Howard said he always thought they were going to be a big band. He said they were kind of stuck up when he met them. Howard said he's not sure what was going on that day. Howard said he thinks about this person when he hears the song and it makes him sad. Fred had that song too. Howard had him play it. He said he has to turn it off or he'll be all fucked up. Howard let it play though. Howard said he can't handle it right now. He said it's too raw.
Howard said some songs by Esthero bring up other girls he knew. He said that fucks him up too. He said a lot of it is sexually related. He said it's sad stuff. He said it's shit that didn't work out. He said the timing was wrong and the whole thing. He said it's too weird.
Balls said he would love to know if he could ask Sheryl Crow the same question. Howard said he has a lot of questions for her. Howard let Balls go a short time later.
Howard said finishing up on the George Takei front he should read some of the emails and tweets. Howard read some of that stuff and someone said the best part was JD laughing in the background. Howard said JD took a beating for laughing. Howard said he didn't even hear him laughing but many people wrote in about how annoying he was. Howard said they were wondering why he was in there. Robin said it was that hoot thing he does that was breaking the tension. Howard said JD was in there taking pictures. He asked when he became the show photographer. Howard said it can be tricky if you get noticed doing that stuff. Robin said he was having a good time in there. Howard played a song parody with JD's laugh in the theme for Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Howard said he had a note from someone saying he met JD in Central Park and he didn't say hi back. JD said he doesn't remember meeting anyone in Central Park. Howard said JD wasn't irritating him at all yesterday. JD said he was just laughing at funny stuff. He said he's not sure what to tell him. Howard said he was so drained after the show. He said he went back and fell asleep in his office. Howard said Ronnie had to wake him up. He said he was in a cock coma after that.
Howard read some email about them honoring George on the show. Howard said someone asked if he was going to be on all week but unfortunately he's not going to. Howard read through a bunch more and someone asked if they had to bring Benjy in. Howard said they have to give Benjy some credit for that. He said not everyone was pleased with Benjy though.
Howard read a note from someone who said his wife thinks Howard is gay. Howard said that party did nothing to change her mind. Howard said there you go.
Howard said George left them with a couple of announces. He played another one where George talked about the United Airlines dragging that guy around. George said the only person who should be able to drag around a screaming Asian is Brad.
Howard said that he had some things he didn't play for George yesterday. He had a message from a friend who was in the internment camp with him. He played that bit. Howard said he had a message from Jackie Chan as well. He had one from Lucy Liu. He played those and a song parody about George too.
Howard said that they got a lot of feedback about the Dave Chappelle discussion they had. Howard said some people had theories about why he won't do the show anymore. Howard said he always liked having Dave on the show. He said it was way before he was on Comedy Central too. Howard said he had people accusing him of doing the wrong thing too. He said that it's the trolls who are doing that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she threw up in her mouth hearing Gary talking about sex yesterday. She said she likes Gary but it was so gross. Howard didn't remember hearing that. Gary said it was on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said Gary is a horny guy and he has told stories about him getting an erection on stage in front of people. He said he looked at him differently after that. Howard said he can't even control his penis in front of a live audience. He said he was on stage with a full erection. He said if there were 5 million naked women in front of him he can control it. He said Gary is like a Neanderthal. He said nothing slows him down. Howard said he's sorry that she was grossed out by that.
Howard said he made a comment about Sean Spicer the other day saying he speaks ''Fluent moron'' and he'd fire him if he was Trump. Howard said this guy should know more history than he does. Howard said it was a flippant remark but he's getting like 10,000 articles about it. Howard said they are saying he's calling or Sean Spicer's firing. Howard said that's not what he was doing. He said some people call him Trump's buddy but he doesn't have his ear. He said he hasn't heard from Trump since before the Republican convention. He said that the press thinks he has a way more important role than he does. Howard said he's not sure Trump even thinks he's a friend but he has said that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Wrap Up Show is becoming everything Gary and it's becoming annoying. Howard said Gary loves being a star. Howard said Gary has tremendous verbal drive. He said that's a good thing. Howard said Gary is the biggest fan of Gary that he's ever seen. Howard said he's never seen a fan of Gary's bigger than Gary. Howard said Gary loves the Baba Booey stuff. He said he will tell him that he hasn't played the Baba Booey stuff lately and he wants to hear it. Howard said he thought Gary would hate that name but he loves it. He said Gary is the president of the Gary Fan Club. The caller said Gary will stage a question to Jon just so he can hear himself answer it himself. The caller asked how the investigation into the free stuff with Gary is going. Howard said it's still ongoing and in full force. Howard said he'll bring it to the people once they're done with the investigation. Howard said he has things that he's looking into.
Howard said that he is in the back office wearing a fake moustache investigating all of that. Howard said it's going to blow the lid off the place.
Howard said very soon they'll be doing the Ronnie and Stephanie Embedded special. Howard had a promo for that special. Howard said they sent their reporters to find out what's going on there. Howard said you'll hear it all this week. Howard said Ronnie has all the charm of a tarantula in the special.
Howard played a phony phone call to a Swap Shop show where Sal was trying to sell chickens even though there was a state wide chicken ban. The host had announced there was a ban and he had to keep hanging up on them trying to sell chickens. They had to stop taking phone calls because they were getting so many chicken calls. Then the guy read some things that were sale like a ''Caulk Ring'' that Ronnie was selling. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said the guys who made the commercial hated him. He said there was a guy from a record company and an advertising agency. Howard said he had sent in a tape for them to hear when he was really relaxed. Howard said that he wasn't so relaxed in the recording session for the Voyage commercial. He said it was like ''Take a voyage with Voyage.'' Howard said they asked why he didn't sound the same as he did in the tape he sent them. Howard said he tried to lower his voice but he couldn't sound like himself. He said he had many different voices back then. He said it's the worst commercial ever. He said it read his lines like 50,000 times.
Howard said the guy said to him that it may never air. He said he knew what was going on. He said he walked out with his head down. He got paid though. He said he got paid a couple hundred bucks. He said that was like easy street making money like that. Howard said he heard it air and it was bad. Howard said they paid for it so they used it.
Howard said if it wasn't for him Voyage may have been big. He said he may have ruined their career. Howard said he could probably do a good job now but who knows. He wondered if his commercial convinced anyone to take a voyage with Voyage. Howard said they were convinced he lied that his tape wasn't really his voice. Howard said Robin has always sounded the same but she knows what he's talking about. Robin said oh yeah. Howard said he calmed down when he asked himself who cares and stopped caring about what he sounds like. Howard said it took him 15 years to figure out.
The caller said that if Fred and Howard have a hit song it's going to be like Mick and Keith. Howard said he has given up on that song. He said that he and Fred had a session but it didn't work. Howard said no offense to Fred of course. Robin said John Travolta told a story in a special about the Bee Gees where he talked about how Bee Gees came up with 5 songs in a weekend for the movie ''Saturday Night Fever.'' Howard said they had some great songs and then they went Disco. Howard said they are classics but it was weird. He said they came out in white suits and stuff and it was weird. He said it was like someone took over their bodies. Howard said they should do a movie about that.
Robin said the special about Saturday Night Fever was really interesting. She said that John Travolta claims he was the one who suggested where the songs would be in the movie. Howard said that's bullshit. He said he has to stop with that stuff. He said he thinks he can cure people too. Howard said it's all bullshit.
Howard said Richard has noticed something that's being used in every movie trailer these days. He played a clip of what he picked up on. Howard played a bunch of the movie previews and they used the same stinger in all of them. Howard said they took that and put it in a clip of Scott the Engineer talking about bowling to make it more interesting. Howard said that's good. Robin said it makes him interesting. Howard said they used it in the Sal ''My cock is gone'' segment clip too. Howard played that and they used the stinger in the clip. Howard said he'll have to remember that and use it more often. Howard said that's good shit.
Howard said he was eating his eggplant Parmesan last night and it comes with spaghetti. He said last night he ate it all. He played that stinger after saying he ate every bit of it. Howard made up other things like Fred staring at him and things like that. Then he'd play the stinger.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's sick of Sal saying he's Italian when they know he's from the middle eastern. He said he wants Howard to get a DNA test done on him. Howard used the stinger when he was talking about that. Howard made up more stuff like Beth seeing his ass naked and playing that clip.
Howard said he thinks they did a DNA test with Sal. Robin said they did and they told him he was middle eastern. Gary said they didn't actually do the test. They just goofed on him. Gary said Sal asked Howard not to talk about it on the air. Howard said Sal has a look that makes the guys at the airport think he's middle eastern. Gary said he asked them to pull the whole segment from the replay that day. Sal said he's stopped in the airport security every single time he goes through. Howard said there was a terrorist who was Sal's Doppelganger and it really bothers him. Sal said it's all over anyway.
Howard said that Sal's dad used to hit him in the head all the time. Sal said he did get whacked over the head with a loaf of bread. Sal said he was working the front and he told his dad he needed 3 meatball parm sandwiches and his dad ended up making chicken parm. He said he said something to him and he hit him with the bread.
Howard said he never got to play catch with his dad. He said the one time he did he with his dad in the nuts with the ball. Howard said he threw a perfect pitch right to his catcher's area and his dad missed it. He said it became his fault and it never happened again. Howard said Sal's dad would hit him when he got mad. Gary said Sal's father hurt his pinkie hitting him and then hit him again for making him hurt himself.
Howard said Sal's dad invested in bunk beds from Egypt. Sal said he did that and other things that he brought in. He said he brought in olive oil once and it was supposed to be from Italy but 40 percent of it came from the middle east.
Sal said he just found out that he has a half sister in Germany. He said that his sister did a lot of research and found out about it. He said every time they investigate their past it gets worse. Howard said Sal's grandfather used to make his wife sit outside during baseball games because he thought she was a jinx. Sal said they'd go to her house and she'd be sitting outside at 10:30 at night because his grandfather thought she was a ''visual distraction.'' Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Sheryl Crow there. He said she performed that song in the studio. Howard said he thought she was singing that to him when she did it. Sheryl said she was. Howard said she hasn't been on the show in 10 years. Sheryl said she's been raising little people. She said she has a minivan now. She said she drops off and picks up her kid every day. Howard asked if she has a lot of people who want to get to meet her and come to her house. Sheryl said they have friends they don't even know about. Howard said she must want to be a star but also have kids and not make it all about her. Sheryl said she's been asked to do fundraisers but she just wants to be a mom. She said the kids need a normal mom. Howard asked if she contemplates what's going on in the minds of the parents of those other kids. Sheryl said she hears about what she's doing on Facebook.
Howard asked if she goes to PTA meetings and stuff. Sheryl said she sure does. She said she's on the sidelines at basketball games and stuff too. Howard asked if she takes the kids to concerts and lets the kids watch. She said they'd rather have bamboo shoots up their nails. She said they don't want to see her perform. Howard asked if it's tough for them to compete for her attention. Sheryl said they don't. She said one will be 7 and one will be 10 in May. She said that her 10 year old said to her a couple years ago he wanted a Lego set and she said maybe for his birthday. She said he said ''Why not? You have the money!''
Sheryl said they moved to Nashville a few years ago. Howard asked if she thinks she's going to be a small town girl since she came from a small town in Missouri. Sheryl said her first album came out when she was 29. Howard said her mom was a piano player and they had 4 pianos in the house. Sheryl said her dad is still in a band at 85 years old. She said they do blues rock and stuff like that. She said he was a trial lawyer for years and then she gave him a guitar and he started playing and now he's in a band. Howard said maybe it's in the blood. Sheryl said he took one year of classical piano and he was playing like a concert pianist.
Sheryl said one sister plays by ear and she can do that too. She said the other sister can't play by ear. Howard said he figured that she could pick up on a classical piece and play it by ear. Sheryl said she could do that. Howard asked if she's a prodigy. Sheryl said she's a little half assed. She said she isn't a prodigy.
Howard said she was a cheerleader in school. She said she was not. Sheryl said she was a twirler. She said she marched and wore skimpy outfits and boots. She said that was her. Howard said that's so fucking hot. She said she was a drum major too. Howard said she was engaged when she was in Missouri. Howard said she was a teacher too. Sheryl said she taught music. She said she got her degree in classical music. Howard said she ended up landing a McDonald's commercial. Sheryl said that the commercial got picked up network and it was big for her. She said she had to sing like Aunt Bee and some other voices. She said that she made $42,000 for that. She said it was more than she made 2 years teaching. Howard said she must have wondered what she was doing teaching.
Howard asked what happened to the engagement. Sheryl said they split. She said he was in sales selling checkbooks to banks. Howard asked if she thinks about what it would have been like if she was still with that guy. Sheryl said she thinks about still teaching and how she'd be tearing the hair out of her head. She said that she did get a note from the guy when she had breast cancer. She said that her grandmother was dying in her parents house at the time. Howard said if you're a good person that's what you do. Howard said if you're him you put them in an old age home.
Sheryl said that totally crushed her. She said she got a letter from the guy and he was also 12 stepping at the time. Howard said that she must think about what that would have been like. Sheryl said she thinks she dodged a bullet. Howard said she was engaged 3 times and she said she would rather have that than 3 divorces. Howard said it's smart. She knew that it wasn't right. Sheryl said there is probably something she could learn from the people she picked.
Sheryl said she's drawn to people who are passionate about life. Howard said she needs someone more docile. Sheryl asked who he knows. Howard said he's going to produce a show about her life. Sheryl said her parents have been married 62 years and they still love each other. She said they worked at it and they started out as great friends so it's something to aspire to.
Howard said Sheryl was in a cover band in Missouri. She said they did a lot of covers and they were the it band. Howard said the name of the band was Kashmir.
Howard asked if Sheryl thought she was going to set the world on fire. Sheryl said she never thought that far in advance. She said she waited tables in L.A. when she moved there. Howard asked where she was working. She said it was in the valley at a place called Le Cafe. She said that musicians would go there. She said she took her demo tape to every studio out there. She said she had done some commercials in St. Louis and took that stuff around. She said that she gave the cassette to a guy who did jingles and he hired her the next day to do a Toyota spot. She said she got fired for giving her tape out to the guy though. She said she got paid $67,000 to do the commercial. She said that she remembers that stuff because it was so big for her. She said she got to pay her car off. Howard said she did one commercial and got that. Howard said she could live off of that. Sheryl said she did live off it.
Howard said Sheryl is looking for a job and she hears about Michael Jackson looking for back up singers. Howard said she didn't think she'd get it but she went and got the job. Sheryl said she was doing a record for Johnny Mathis. She said that she didn't get to meet him but it was her and some other singers. Sheryl said they asked her if she was going for this tryout for Michael Jackson. She found out where it was and went. Howard said he thinks that Johnny Mathis should be there when he has back up singers. Sheryl said that he just does his singing and that's it. She said he doesn't need to be there. She said they have a producer there to do the rest.
Sheryl told Howard that her guitar player has been with her for 20 years. She said that when they started out they only sold albums in Colorado and France so they'd be going and doing gigs in Colorado and then to France.
Howard asked how she got in on the Michael Jackson thing. Sheryl said she went in and signed a sheet and then she recorded this message on video for him and that was it. She said then they called her back. She said she hadn't even sung yet. She said that it might have been about personality or something. Howard wondered what he did with the tape and said ''Hey she's kind of cute...'' Howard said you'd think you'd want to hear them sing first. Sheryl said she looked like a school teacher at the time. She said now she looks like a soccer mom. Howard said she must have to get dressed up. Sheryl said she probably wore pants or something. She doesn't remember what she wore.
Howard said Sheryl wanted to be treated as a serious musician. He said everyone is evaluating your look though. Sheryl said she has a wonderful friend who is there this week helping her with the kids. She said that when you don't wear makeup the magazines will dog you. She said it never happens for a man. Sheryl said there's nothing you can do about it either. Howard said she kind of dressed down for her first album. He said she was wearing a birka or something. Sheryl said it was a big denim shirt and no make up. She said she was the anti-rock star. Sheryl said that they'd bring her clothes to wear and she'd just wear a wife beater tee instead. She said that everyone has a different take on the music business. Sheryl said she did her own thing.
Howard said it's hard when you do that. He said you have to look good in a sense. Sheryl said her rule was on stage to not look like everyone else at the mall. Sheryl said she remembers a designer making clothes for the rolling Stones and guys like that. She said when they got to Grunge they had everyone looking the same. Howard said he remembers rock stars looking like rock stars. He said David Bowie used to dress like a rock star and that was cool. He said it almost inspired him to get in shape.
Howard said he wants to hear more about the Michael Jackson thing. Howard said he thinks her saga is important. Sheryl made a snoring sound. Howard said he wants to hear about this. He said some people gave her good advice along the way. Howard said Michael Jackson selects her to be his background singer. Howard asked if she has to double his voice on songs. Howard said she has to sing the Billie Jean stuff. Sheryl said she sang the ''Dirty Diana'' and ''She is not the one'' lyrics. She said she ended up in front of 65,000 people. She said she didn't even have a passport.
Sheryl said she is still very close to the people she worked with. She said there were 3 other guys and they had their blend down when they worked. She said that Michael also had a bunch of other songs that were solos for her. She said that it was a dream for her. She said it was an immense amount of pressure though. Sheryl said that she was told she was replaceable too though. Sheryl said everyone is paranoid about their job. Howard asked if she feels secure on the job she might loosen up a bit. Sheryl said that's the way she treats her band.
Howard said it must be frustrating to be doing the back up because that's the voice the fans are hearing. Sheryl said that Michael had some bad advice because he was lip syncing and doubling his own voice on tour. She said that he was a great performer. She said there were things about him that were other worldly. She said that he created the Moon Walk and she saw it for the first time at the Grammys. She said it was before she worked with him. Sheryl said it was at Radio City and he busted that out across the stage and everyone flew up like they saw him levitating. Sheryl said it was kind of amazing. Howard said it really is. Howard said she's doubling his voice too. Howard asked if she flew her parents out to see her perform. She said they came to Rome to see them. She said they came from a really small town too. Howard said they must have been blown out by this success.
Sheryl said she told her parents she was leaving on a Tuesday and left on a Sunday. She said that they were worried for her. Howard asked if she lived on her own. She said she stayed with a friend of her sister's. Sheryl said that she took a room in a house with the seamstress for David Lee Roth. She said she did all of the spandex for Van Halen so things were wild.
Howard said then Sheryl becomes a well known background singer. Howard said she worked with George Harrison. Sheryl said she did something with George on a Bob Dylan thing. She said that got lumped in there. She said she got to play with Booker T. She said that was big for her. She said she worked with Eric Clapton and Kris Kristofferson too.
Howard asked Sheryl about meeting these people and how they must have hit on her. Howard said she must have had to beat them down with a stick. Sheryl said she's not sure how to answer that. She said that they were all after her and wanted to leave their wives. Howard said they must have. She said it was troubling. She said she had her pick of all of those rock stars. Howard asked if she had any casting couch situations. Sheryl said she did actually. She said she wrote a song about it. She said it was during the Michael Jackson thing but Michael wasn't interested in her at all. Howard asked if it was someone in management. Sheryl said it was. She said she wrote ''What I Could Do For You'' about it which was on her first album.
Howard said that Sheryl was a background singer and she wanted to be the front person. Howard said Don Henley told her to stop writing songs for other people and save them for herself. She said that was in the top 5 for advice she got. She said he was a great song writer and a great friend. She said she loves Don. She said she was writing songs for a bunch of people and that's what she knew how to do. Robin asked how she knew that. Sheryl said she was writing songs at 13 but they weren't good songs. Howard said he just started writing last week. Howard said if she heard his session she would have given up. Howard said he has zero talent.
Howard said it's amazing that Sheryl has a dressing room that she splits. Sheryl said that Michael was on the other side and he'd throw grapes over and giggle. She said he wasn't into her and he was very child like. Howard said it must be frustrating to work with an adult who only relates to her as a child. Sheryl said it was weird. She said he was so child like that it was like he had arrested development at 13. She said when he'd rehearse he knew exactly what the wanted though. She said that he was savvy when it came to business. She said she read about him being in debt and stuff and she didn't think that could be true.
Howard said he can't imagine what it must be like going to work for all of these rock stars. Sheryl said she didn't get a record deal until she was 29 so she got to work with all of these people before that. She said that the first album was 20 years ago now.
Howard said that they made her album for half a million and then she asked the record company not to put it out and they didn't. Sheryl said that A&M was great. She said that she just wanted to rock and play soul rock. She said that no one would sign her. She said she met a great producer at a party and he said he was going to take her to them. She said that they made this record that sounded amazing but it wasn't what she wanted to do. She said it was going to get lost. She said it was so slick. Howard asked if she felt weird about going to them asking them not to put it out. Sheryl said she didn't know what to do about it. She said she had to follow through and do it. She said it was a bad feeling. Howard said out of that she did a jam session and something came out of that. Sheryl said she met some people a year after the album thing. She said that she heard she was going to be dropped and that's the night that she did ''Leaving Las Vegas.'' Howard said that whole album came out of hanging out with those guys and finding her sound. Sheryl said there was a lot of drinking. She said that got her outside of her critical self. Howard said everyone puts down drinking but not Sheryl. Sheryl said maybe she needs to drink more.
Howard said the first album was called 'Tuesday Night Music Club'' and it came from that meeting with those guys. Sheryl said she had a few songs they played for the record company and they told her to keep going. Howard said that she's going to do a song now. Sheryl told Howard how she wrote this song after finding a poetry book and then using a hook from a song. She said that she was going to give the poem writer a writing credit on the song. She said he was going to get half of it. Howard said this song sold like a mother f'er. Sheryl said this was the third single that they released. She said this one went to number 2 on the charts. Howard asked if she was afraid that the album wasn't going to make it. Sheryl said she wasn't thinking like that. She said that they were touring with some big bands at the time and she wasn't worried. Howard had the band perform ''All I Wanna Do'' after that.
After the song Howard said he had a lot of thoughts after that. He said all he wants to do is have some fun too. He said it's such a great song. Howard said the slide guitar kind of makes that song. Sheryl said she thinks it does help. Howard said Peter Stroud is over there on guitar. Howard asked if they've been romantic. Sheryl said she has slept with everyone just to get it out of the way. She said that's how you run a good business. She said she and Bill O'Reilly know how to run a business. Howard asked how they don't do that. Sheryl said he's married with a great wife.
Howard introduced the guys in the band and said he loves watching the bass player. Howard said he doesn't get why the kids don't want to see this. Sheryl said the kids think she's so goofy. She said that the 10 year old doesn't even want her hugging him in public. Howard said the singing is great. He said that her voice sounds great. Sheryl said she doesn't party smoke anymore. She said she used to smoke cigarettes when she drank. Howard asked if that's because of the cancer or her voice. Sheryl said it's both. Sheryl said when she was 28 she had a freak out moment and she did all kinds of things. She said she quickly got back to herself.
Howard said Sheryl looks like she's only about 100 pounds. She said that the kids thought she was getting fat so they encouraged her to get into shape. She said that the kids are into The Chainsmokers and bands like that. She said they're not into her stuff. She said they like to rewrite songs with dirty lyrics. Howard said he used to do that too.
Howard said that Sheryl got a Grammy for that album. She said she got 3. She said she got a fax the next morning after she won 3 Grammys. She said Don Henley sent her the fax saying ''Dear Pookie...'' Howard said he bets he calls her pookie. Howard said he'd love to hear about all of the men she's had in her life. Sheryl said she would never kiss and tell. She said a bunch of people just let out a sigh of relief.
Howard said he just had Lance Armstrong on the show and he was saying they were a power couple. Howard said it would be the most heady thing for him to be in a relationship like that. Howard said he'd ask her to wake up and sing to him if he was in a relationship like that. Sheryl said if she had to come out on social media like they do now she'd never make it. Howard said Lance said they had a lot of pressure on them. Howard said it must be amazing to go out with her. Sheryl said it is.
Howard said that album also produced some other big songs. He played ''Are You Strong Enough To Be My Man'' and another one from that album. Howard asked if she knew it was a hit when she was writing them. Sheryl said she had no idea. She didn't know that they were going to make it at all.
Sheryl said Don told her that she should keep in mind that other bands have won best new artist and vanished. She said she could have gone away too.
Howard said Rolling Stone wrote some nasty stuff about her being over exposed and things like that. Sheryl said she's much better about that stuff now. She said she doesn't watch stuff she's in now. She said she doesn't want to hear about it.
Howard said Rolling Stone still means something to rock stars today. Sheryl said it does. She said that they were going out on the road and she was on covers of magazines and people were sick of her. She said she would see things about her and think they were so mean. She said things worked out. Sheryl said they went to New Orleans to record and Bill left. She said it was too big for him and he didn't want to do it. Sheryl said that people bring their lives into the studio and what do you do.
Howard asked if the song ''If it Makes You Happy'' was written about that. Sheryl said it was about anyone. She said that it was about a lot of things that were going on in her life. Sheryl said they told her to just produce it herself. She said she did that. Howard said that the song ''If It Makes You Happy'' came out of that. Howard said she did ''Every Day is a Winding Road'' also came out of that. Sheryl said that she had gone on the road with Crowded House and that was a wonderful experience. She said their drummer ended up leaving after 4 gigs and they asked to use her drummer. She said they used Wally and they all became best of friends. She said he was playing with both bands the rest of the tour. Sheryl said that she got ready to make her second record and Paul from Crowded House hung himself. She said that she wasn't going to put this song on the album and they told her she had to put the song on the record. She said she didn't think it was that great a song. She said she thought it was a turd but her brother told her it was going to be a hit. He was right. Howard had the band perform the song after that. They performed ''Every Day is a Winding Road.''
After the song Howard said they have that down to a science. Sheryl said they should after so many years. Howard asked if she still enjoys it. Sheryl said she does. She said she loves it. She said that this has brought her all over the world and it's been amazing. She said she thinks she appreciates it more now. She said she's writing songs for grown ups now so she's enjoying that too. Howard asked if she says how old she is. Sheryl said she's 55. Howard said she looks great and it's all natural. Sheryl said she hasn't had anything done but she sees it in her face. She said that she doesn't feel 55. She said what's liberating for her is that what's happening in music is that it's geared toward kids. She said she just writes about what's happening and there's no pressure to write a single now. She said she just writes what she wants to. Howard said he likes the direction of the new album. He said he likes her new single. He asked if she wants to do that now. Sheryl said sure.
Howard said he was going to ask her about Prince because Prince called her and covered her song ''Every Day is a Winding Road.'' Sheryl said she was out on tour and he sat in on the Lilith Tour. She said she can still hear Prince saying ''Sheryl Crow Y'all!'' after they did the song.
Howard said Prince came in and she had a moment with him and then she never heard from him again. Sheryl said he didn't drop her. She said that she asked him to be a part of this thing she did in Central Park and he had some beliefs in ownership and things. She said he was going through some stuff with the record company and she had asked a ton of people to come play with her. She said that she asked Prince to come play and he came down on her pretty hard and she was feeling super fragile at the time. She said they were both busy and then they didn't see each other for a long time. She said Prince gave her a little lecture but there were no hard feelings there. She said she fights for artists rights all the time so it rubbed her a little bit. She said they just went their merry ways. Howard said then she found out he had died. Sheryl said that she feels like you have to seize the moment and tell people you care about them when you do. She said that she wishes she had done that with Prince. Howard said the story is that he got addicted to pain killers because his hips were in such bad shape. Sheryl said that he came in and played on a Stevie Nicks album and played basketball later in high heels so he was always in those heels.
Howard said that Sheryl was going to work with Fleetwood Mac but Lindsay Buckingham was against it. Howard said that seems like a great match. Sheryl said she's still up for it if they want to tour.
Howard asked how the Mick Jagger and Keith Richards thing still works after they attack each other so much. Sheryl said she thinks of it like family. She said that they might be closer than family. She said they have outlasted all of their marriages. Sheryl said there must be an unbreakable bond there. Howard asked if it was great working with them. Sheryl it was amazing. She said that they don't show that stuff when they're working together. She said she recorded with Keith Richards there for the new album. She said it was during the last debate when Trump brought in the women. She said Keith was fascinated with that. She said Keith is brilliant and he's really into politics.
Howard said that he is passing over a lot of stuff but he wants to promote this new album Be Myself. He said it's coming out on the 21st. Howard said she's holding a bass now and she wrote the songs on bass. Sheryl said they wrote it just like this set up is now. She said she has a studio over her barn. She said she has horses and all of that there. She said it's so great. Howard said she sounds like a lot of fun. Sheryl said she has a mic and they just start a groove and start playing.
Howard asked what a groove sounds like. Sheryl started playing the bass and demonstrated what it's like. Sheryl said they were writing while Donald Trump was campaigning. She said that she lives in the world where country exists and most of the country artists are very conservative. She said she's like a fish out of water. She said she drives a hybrid and they're driving pick up trucks. She said that they all want the same thing though. She said this is what the song is about. Sheryl said that the campaign brought out the worst in us. She said what we were listening to trickled down to their conversations.
Howard asked if she writes down the lyrics before. Sheryl said she actually doesn't write them down until she's sung them. She said that they run tape the whole time. Howard asked if she's milking cows too. Sheryl said it's all going on. Howard had them perform the song ''Halfway There.''
After the song Howard said he loves that song. He said he'd meet her halfway or more than halfway. Howard said he didn't know she plays bass like that. Sheryl said she's pretty funky for a white woman. Howard said she's right and just write the songs to please yourself.
Howard said Robin sings some of her music. Howard said she has to hear some of that. Robin told him to stop that. Howard played Robin singing ''If It Makes You Happy.'' Sheryl told Robin she should sing as much as she wants to. Howard said it was very early in the morning for that.
Howard asked if she's a big Bonnie Raitt fan. Sheryl said she loves Bonnie. Howard asked who she wishes she could have met. She said John Lennon and Curits Mayfield. Howard said John was his hero. He said he would have loved to have interviewed John. Sheryl said he was the architect. Howard said he liked her cover of ''Sweet Child O Mine'' she did for the movie ''Big Daddy.'' Sheryl thanked him for that. Howard played some of the cover. Howard asked if she knows Axl. She said she doesn't. She said she hasn't met them. Howard said he could talk to her all day. He said her band is fantastic. He thanked everyone for coming in. Howard said her new album is coming out soon. Howard said hopefully he'll see her in another 10 years. Howard gave her some plugs for the album and for her web site SherylCrow.com. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played a clip of Sour Shoes singing a ''Noine'' song as Gary Dell'Abate. They also played a ''Breaking News'' bit and a ''Hit 'em With the Hein'' song parody.
Robin started her news with a story about Bruce Springsteen's daughter being in the paper today. Robin said she's on horseback. Howard said he saw that and she's hot. Howard said she came in almost dead last in that competition. Robin said Bill Gates' daughter was in the competition too. Howard said Bruce's daughter does that for a living but she's coming in almost dead last. He said that's fine but that must be a lot of money. Howard wondered if he tells her to go out and do her thing as a career but is it a career? Robin said some people do it successfully. Howard asked if she has a job or is that her job. Robin said this is pretty much what she does. Robin said that's what Bloomberg's daughter does too. Howard said if he were Bruce he'd create a phony horse contest and have her win every time. Robin said she did ride earlier in the weekend and came in third. Howard said he thought that was the wife. Robin said he's right. She said Patty does better than the daughter. Howard said he's not sure how that works out financially. He said he wishes Bruce was his dad.
Robin read a story about A-Rod and J-Lo having that kind of romance that's out in the open. Robin said they were parting with Marc Anthony. Howard said he's so sick of her that he doesn't care if A-Rod is fucking her. Howard said that's going to burn out fast. Robin said they say the kids are getting along. Howard said you better buy into whatever they're doing. He said there's no room for not liking A-Rod. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the salute to the Bee Gees that she mentioned earlier today. She said it was the most watched show of the evening that night. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. She said that Ed Sheeran performed a song. She had Howard play that. Howard said that kid is some talent. Robin said Keith Urban came out and talked about living about 100 miles from the Bee Gees and how that changed his life. Robin had some audio of him performing a song. Robin had some audio of Pentatonix performing a song too. Howard said they should do some A Cappella stuff too. Howard tried it and then said those fuckers should get some instruments. He said he actually likes those guys. He said he likes the effeminate guy. Robin said John Legend and Stevie Wonder performed a song together too. Robin had audio of that.
Robin read a story about Rob Schneider and how he has a famous daughter named Elle King. Robin said she didn't know that was his daughter until now. Howard said he did know that but he didn't bring it up when he was in last week. Howard said he ran into Elle not too long ago and had a nice chat with her. Howard said it's not much of a story but he did meet her. Robin had some of her music for Howard to play. Robin said she was actually in Deuce Bigalow. Robin said she goes by the name Elle King because she didn't want her name to block her success in music. Howard said she should have been Elle Bigalow. Howard said he liked that the name of the movie was Deuce Baggio but Disney made them change it to Bigalow.
Robin read a story about how Alex Jones is in court with his wife trying to get custody of the kids. Robin said the lawyers are saying that Alex is a performance artist when he's doing his radio show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Kendrick Lamar's new album and how he has added clips from FOX News to his songs. Robin said he has called out Geraldo in one of his songs too. Robin had some of the audio from the song where he mentions Geraldo. Howard said Geraldo is the only thing he understands in that song. He said Fred was twerking during that clip. Robin had some audio of Geraldo responding to that song too. He was saying that no one is more street than him. Howard said that might make a good rap song too. Howard said he's down for it if he wants to have a boxing match against Kendrick. That led to Howard and Fred coming up with a rap song. Fred had some door slamming audio that he played while Howard made up his rap.
Robin read a story about President Trump and some stuff that's going on with congress. Robin had some audio of Samuel L. Jackson asking people to vote so they can get rid of Trump.
Howard took a call from Apples who asked who his favorite person is on the current Saturday Night Live cast. Howard said he likes Kate McKinnon and that Leslie Jones too. Howard said he likes Bobby Moynihan too. He said he likes Keenan Thompson as well. After doing a live commercial read Howard also said he likes the woman who does Jacob the Bar Mitzvah boy on Saturday Night Live. He said he thinks that's Vanessa Bayer. Robin said that's it. She said they're really good. Howard said Alec Baldwin is great too. He said they have said they could have just Alec doing all of the characters. He played a bit the guys put together where all of the cast and musical guests were Alec Baldwin. Howard said Alec will be there tomorrow actually. Robin said he's like a rock star now. She said they had a line of people wanting to be in that studio to see him.
Robin read a story about North Korea's UN Ambassador saying that a nuclear war could happen any time now. Robin had some audio of him talking about how the U.S. is causing trouble there. Robin had more audio of Mike Pence talking about getting North Korea to abandon their nuclear weapons. Robin said it might be time for some of those Jim Bakker meal buckets. Howard said he thinks they're all stocked up. He said he was thinking about giving JD a Kim Jong Un hair cut. Howard asked if he'd be up for that. JD came in and said he did sort of have that style for a while. He said it wasn't that exactly though. JD said he's not sure he wants to do that. Howard told him not to answer right now. Howard said there are only 15 approved hair cuts in North Korea. He said they're so strict that you have to get one of 15 cuts.
Robin asked if Howard has used Uber. Howard said he has. Robin said one of the great things is that everything is paid for with your account. Robin said now they're saying in New York they want to help out with tipping. Robin said they want to allow tips by credit card. People don't give tips because it's not part of the deal. Howard said he assumed it was part of the payment. He said he still gives the guy a couple of bucks extra. He said assholes like him ruin it. Robin said it was supposed to be a non-tipping service. Howard said he went to a restaurant the other day and they put the tip in automatically. He said he still can't leave just 20 percent because he's famous. He said he ends up leaving a fortune. Robin said in Europe there is no tipping allowed. Robin said that they include the service costs in the bill. Howard said he might go to Europe.
Robin read a story about a man who died after being told that President Trump had been impeached. Robin said they lied to him so he could die in peace.
Robin said that they're saying that millions of Trump's campaign funds went to his restaurants, hotels and golf clubs.
Robin read a story about a man who was working for the UN who was robbing banks on his lunch breaks. Robin said he kept doing it and over the past month and a half he did a string of robberies. Robin said they now say that he was arrested yesterday in his office. Howard said that must be what Fred is doing when he leaves. He said the rest of the staff are busy eating shitty food from fast food restaurants on their lunch breaks.
Robin read a story about Georgetown University renaming two buildings after slaves the school sold after having some financial problems. Robin said some people might not be too happy about that. Howard said he feels good about it. Robin said we should acknowledge all of our history. Howard said he didn't see that since his head was exploding looking at the pictures of the women at Coachella and Bruce Springsteen's daughter.
Robin read a story about how Lady Gaga and Prince William have teamed up to try to fight the stigma of mental health issues. Robin said they put out a video and she has audio. Howard played the clip of Prince William and Lady Gaga saying a few words about that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the great Foo Fighters. He said he was at a restaurant the other day and someone thanked him for making them happen. He said he wondered what the guy was talking about. He just said ''You're welcome.'' He said he actually said they came on their show early on but he didn't make them. Howard said it was big of him to say. He said normally he'd just take the credit. He said he could have said he put them together after Nirvana.
Howard said today is going to be an exciting show. He said they have Alec Baldwin coming in and they have to talk about the Ronnie Embedded with Jon Leiberman. Robin said that's what she's looking forward to. Howard said they have Ronnie, Stephanie and Jon Leiberman coming in to talk about that today. He said it's going to be on Thursday after the Wrap Up Show. He said next week they'll have a lot of Ronnie on Sternthology.
Howard played a promo for the Ronnie and Stephanie Embedded. Howard said he listened to this stuff and it sounds like an angry relationship on Ronnie's side. He said it's too wild. He said they haven't seen Jon Leiberman in a while so that should be exciting.
Howard said Alec Baldwin wrote a book and he says in the book that he wrote it for the money. He said he admires that honesty.
Howard said they've had a lot of ''Hit 'em with the Hein's'' lately. He said that it's going very strong in 2017 so far. He said he has pages and pages of fans and commentators using the phrase. He said they had this guy Ami Horowitz on the show and he is a reporter who was on a conservative radio show, the Lars Larson Show, and used ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard played the clip and Ami worked it into a story about getting beat up.
Howard said KTVK had a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' shout out from one of the reporters. Howard played that clip and a woman used it in a report.
Howard said this guy was on TMZ over Skype and got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' on that show. The guy mentioned the Stern Show and did the ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' over Skype.
Howard said it's become a catch phrase in sports broadcasting. Howard said he has one from a Canadian show where they used ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' It was a quick mention that a guy did where he got in both ''Baba Booey'' and ''Hit 'em with the Hein.''
Howard said that a North Carolina state player got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' too. The commentator mentioned it but used a player's last name of Heinz.
Howard said this is a New England Patriots announcer using ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' He played that clip and said that Jon still hates it. He said he doesn't show much emotion about it. He said Jason loves it though.
Howard said that there was a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' during a golf tournament. Howard played that clip where someone yelled it out after a swing.
Howard said Jon hates it more than jogging and he really hates jogging. Howard said he went to a Knicks game and got called out for leaving early. Howard said this coach calls him out for this all the time. He said this led to a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' during a sports highlights segment. The announcer said it twice. Howard said that was nice. Howard played a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody after that.
Howard asked Jim what he has. Jim asked if he thinks FOX News should fire Bill O'Reilly or not. Howard said on MSNBC they reported that they are in talks to get rid of Bill. Howard said to answer the question he is a big defender of air talent. Howard said anyone who is on radio or TV and people who give opinions and things. He said he had many years when the FCC was trying to fire him. He said Mel Karmazin stood up for him and the show. He said the difference was that they had done nothing wrong. He said they were just talking about sex. He said some people are so uptight. He said that fueled him every day. He said that this was shocking to some people. He said people were going to wars and stuff and this is what they were worried about. Howard said they made a lot of money with the show and there was no reason to get fired over what he was doing. Howard said in the case of Bill O'Reilly the corporations have people working for them and he's not sure how Bill is still working for them after all of these payouts. Howard said he's a predator. He said FOX is a corporation that has a lot of things going on. He said that they can't say that the employees have to behave if they let this guy get away with this behavior. Howard said he thinks they have to fire him. Robin said it's Roger Ailes too. She said they have to question it.
Howard said that Bill O'Reilly went on the air a few years ago yelling about a soda company hiring Ludacris to promote their product. Howard said he's not sure what he thought he had done. Howard said maybe he was sexual or something in his songs. Howard said now he should be saying shame on FOX. Howard said O'Reilly was putting out actions, if it's all true, where he was making sexual offers to women at work. He said that's not a good way for FOX to do business. He said they all become a joke there. Howard said they're between a rock and a hard place there. He said the show is very popular and they have to think about this controversy. Howard said he has a really big following. He said all of his books are on the best seller list and he's very popular with his audience. Howard said it's all built on hypocrisy though.
Howard said FOX would be the laughing stock of the world if they don't fire him. He said he has met Bill and he was nice enough to him. He said he does defend women too though. Howard said the things he's accused of doing are the lowest things you can do. Jim said that the reason they're upset is because advertisers were pulling out. Howard said that he read that Rupert Murdoch's sons are running the company and they've been encouraging them to fire O'Reilly. He said that it's painful for FOX to get rid of the guy because the show is a cash cow.
Howard said he predicts that they'll have to get rid of him. He said he thinks that they can replace Bill with someone else like Tucker Carlson and make that show big. Howard said that he loved watching FOX News during the 8 years of Obama because they were so against him. Howard said he liked Obama but it's fun to watch. He said he likes watching MSNBC now because they're against Trump. He said it's way more interesting television. Howard said he's a big fan of FOX News too though. He said that they have aligned themselves so much with the republican party that the whole strategy is kind of screwy. He said some of it feels not honest. He said he's not sure what's going on.
Jim asked if Howard has picked up the Letterman book. Howard said he was sent a copy but he doesn't want to read it. Howard said he read some excerpts from it and it was upsetting. He said he thinks the NY Post or Daily News had some pieces from it and it had things to do with the scandal and things like that. He said he knows that good friends who know you don't cooperate with these books. He said the people who do are nobodies who barely know Letterman and are speculating at best. He said it's almost like a hatchet job. Howard said he was the victim of this many times in his career. He said they'd get guys who worked with him for a short time and they call him a dick and say he didn't bring them with him and things. Howard said he didn't bring them with him because they suck. He said they claim they told him to do bits and stuff and he doesn't even remember who these people are.
Howard said it's the people who you weren't good to that write these books and comment in them. Howard said he heard that this author interviewed Letterman. He said he hasn't read it so he doesn't want to disparage the guy. Jim said that Letterman did interview and so did some of the other guys from the show. Howard said maybe it's good but he hasn't read it yet.
Jim said he found it interesting that Letterman fell out of love with comedy. He said that Howard was talking about how he has fallen out of love with stand up. Howard said if you don't constantly change you get tired of it. Howard said Dave got tired of the Top 10 List and people kept making him do it. Howard said he does what he wants to do and that's what he's doing now. Howard said he gets shit all the time now about having strippers and things like that on the show. Howard said he did that stuff for years and he did it to punch the FCC and religious groups in the eye. Howard said he could be fucking in the studio every day and no one would bat an eyelash. Howard said you have to change up the show constantly to do whatever tickles you. Robin said people complain about Howard changing and she thinks ''thank god.'' Howard said there are people who hate him and they think it's Marci Turk who got him to change. Howard said they think she calls the shots on the show. He said he thinks they're out of their mind. Howard said he does what he feels like doing. Howard said Marci is the GM there. Howard said she helps run the organization. He said he doesn't meet with her about he show at all. He said it's all about where he wants to go. He said he sets the show up the way he wants to do it for the year. He said the people who work there help him get it done. Howard said people want controversy and want to hear that something weird is going on. He said he hasn't been taken over by pod people. Howard said if you like the show it's because it's his vision. He said that's it. Howard said Marci is there to make sure Gary doesn't fall asleep during the show.
Jim asked if someone was to write a book about him eventually who would it be. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he's sure people talk all the time. Howard said there are some moles there who are busy yapping about what goes on there. Howard said people are entitled to do that and he's not Hitler. Howard said he tries to run a nice situation there. Howard said the people who are there are nice people. He said they can talk to whoever they want. Howard said the people who are loyal to him won't talk to these book people. He said he knows he has been the victim of people saying stuff that's just not true.
Howard said he is very good at what he does. He said people get furious and angry and want to take him down. He said that's what's fatiguing about the show. He said that people are crying all the time. He said do the hard work, cunt. He said they're little bitches.
Howard said that the people who aren't that successful aren't that talented. Howard said that you weren't chosen for whatever reason. Howard said there are so many bitter people out there.
Howard said most of his day was spent in meetings yesterday. He said he was trying to keep things calm. Jim said he's doing a hell of a job. Howard said Jim has him all riled up now.
Howard said some of these books he just can't take. Howard said he called Robin last night yelling and screaming about assholes and shitheads. Howard said he doesn't know how they sleep at night. Howard said he slept like a baby after getting it all out. Howard said Beth was kind enough to let him have sex. He said he was all sweaty and garlicky. He said he had garlic for lunch. He said he took some of the guys out for lunch to discuss the radio show. Howard said that's how the show improves. Howard said there are tremendous people working there. He said he's not the only one.
Howard said he took some of the guys to Del Friscos and he had garlic mashed potatoes. He said he ate every bit of it. He said it was so good. He had salmon and garlic mashed potatoes with broccoli rabe. He said he didn't know Beth was going to want to make love. He said they were laying in bed after watching the final episode of Girls. He said he was laying there all sweaty on his thighs. He said Beth said he was very dewy. He said he's not a sweaty guy. He said he agreed he was and he was also garlicky. He said he knows. Howard said he thought maybe she wouldn't want to do it. Howard said he must have smelled like a vampire hunter. Howard said Beth said lets do it so they did it. Howard said she gave him the signal. He said he has to say that he did lose his erection when she said he smelled like garlic. He said he was so upset. Howard said he didn't want her to be with a guy who is dewy and garlicky. He said his balls were like garlic knots.
Howard said he sees a note that Ronnie and Stephanie and Jon are there. Howard said he has to do that. He did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
Howard had Jon Leiberman, Ronnie and Stephanie after that. Howard said that it's good to see Jon. He said he has uncovered a lot with Ronnie and Stephanie. Jon said they have a lot of breaking news about Ronnie and Stephanie. Howard asked how much time he put in on this. Jon said it's enough to get a real slice of life about what life is like in the Mund household.
Howard said Ronnie can be cantankerous. He said that Stephanie must agree. Howard said that he asked if anyone there has gotten her alone and she's given an SOS. Howard said no one can remember getting her alone long enough for that. Howard asked if she's still excited about her upcoming nuptials. Stephanie said she is. She said she's looking at venues for a wedding. Howard said she's 34 and Ronnie is an older guy. Howard said you'd think he'd want to marry her as soon as he can.
Howard said you'd think he'd want to celebrate. Ronnie said he'd rather just have a big party. Stephanie said she wants to wear the dress. Howard said Ronnie can't be a buzz kill like that. He said he must be fucking crazy.
Howard said that Ronnie is Groomzilla. Jon said that the whole thing is the financial part. He said he doesn't want to spend a fortune on that. Howard said he gets that. Howard said Ronnie is going to retire eventually. Ronnie said it's going to be soon.
Howard asked how many people they want at the wedding. Stephanie said maybe 200 people. Howard said that's a lot. Stephanie said she's not sure who to exclude. Robin said talk to JD about that. Howard said she's right. Howard said Ronnie has a lot of associates and she has friends and family. He said they have to have everyone from the radio show. Howard said other than Benjy who can you exclude. Maybe Benjy. Howard said it sounds like Stephanie can't even talk to Ronnie about this stuff. Stephanie said that she can't. Howard said it sounds like it could be fun.
Ronnie said he didn't like the set up they had at this one place. It was long tables. He said no one can talk to other people. Howard said they can move around and go talk. Howard said he wouldn't give a fuck. Ronnie said Howard would give a fuck. Howard said just get into the spirit of the thing. Howard said he's getting laid with that cock ring. He asked if Stephanie likes it. Stephanie said it hits in the great spots. She loves it. She said they got some last weekend. Howard asked why she has to be there for that. Ronnie said this was all her idea. Howard said they're perfect for one another. Ronnie said they were at a friend's house and Stephanie had a stuffed up head so they went to a supermarket that had an adult store next to it. He said his friend was driving so they went in. He said she was picking out vibrators and cock rings. Howard asked how great that is.
Jon said when they went and visited with them they don't have a conflict in the area of sex. He said they're on the same page when it comes to that. He said that seems to be the only thing they're on the same page about.
Howard said he has some clips from this special. He said Ronnie is 33 years older than Stephanie. He said a lot of people make a big deal about that. Howard said they get into that right away. Howard played a clip where Ronnie talked about Stephanie's mother looking him up on the internet when she started dating him. Ronnie said she told her mother that he was 40 years old but he had just turned 56. Ronnie said she was just 24 years old and he swept her off her god damn feet.
Howard said he sounds so angry in that clip. Stephanie said she thinks it scares the dog. Howard said she's attracted to that. Stephanie said it's the other sides of him that she's attracted to. She said she can't deal with that level of anger.
Howard said Jon uncovered that Ronnie went to a shrink for 9 years. Jon said Ronnie also has some views on what a woman should do in the house. He said he believes that a woman should do the cleaning in the house. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about going to the shrink and how he had to find a new one after the guy retired. Ronnie said he saw him once a week and he was a regular dude that you could sit and bullshit with.
Howard said it sounds like the guy did a lot of good. Howard asked if he had no effect at all. Stephanie said he did have no effect. He said the new guy is much better. She said Ronnie is doing much better now.
Jon said that Ronnie interviewed a woman and a Hasidic person. Ronnie said he just got on the phone with them and he didn't feel a connection with this guy. He gave it a try though. He said he wasn't Hasidic though. He said he's just a Jewish guy who wears a yarmulke. He asked what's wrong with Jon. Stephanie said he's lucky he found someone. He said he had to rely on the health provider book to find someone.
Ronnie said he unloaded on Stephanie last week. He said he was trying to give her some advice and she was giving him a deaf ear. He said his advice was excellent. Robin said maybe she just didn't want to hear it. Ronnie said she's very smart and book smart but she's not street smart. Howard asked if he's Ronnie Winfrey helping her with her problems. Stephanie said that the way he likes to handle problems is aggressively. He said he likes to walk away and slam doors. Howard said Ronnie is a tough guy. He said he's a big shot now. He said in the past he wasn't so quick to tell people to fuck off. Ronnie said he was too. Howard said Jon Leiberman pointed out that he refers to himself in the third person. Ronnie asked what the fuck he's talking about. Howard played a clip where Ronnie was talking about himself and talking about how he did this and that and what it was like for him growing up.
Howard said that's talking in the third person. Ronnie said that's how he told him to put it. Howard said don't bullshit him.
Jon said that Ronnie was a nursery school bus driver when he was in high school. He said that it was very young children. Ronnie said he did. Howard explained to Ronnie what it is when he's speaking in the third person. Howard said he could have said ''I was a good kid'' instead of ''Ronnie did this.'' Ronnie said he was a little kid.
Howard said that there is a lot of arguing going on with these two. Jon said that Ronnie thinks that she should work less and be home more. Howard said that maybe he's worried that she's going to find someone else. Stephanie said she thinks that he wants her more in that house wife kind of role. Ronnie said he never said that. Stephanie said that's the way he acts though. Howard said that Ronnie tells him privately that he's happy that she has a career and works hard. Ronnie said her schedule is fucked up. He said the hours are long. Stephanie said she can't just go in and work 9 to 5. She said she has to put in a lot of hours. Ronnie said he's at the opposite end of that and he's wrapping up his career. Howard said that he probably wants her in the kitchen cooking and stuff.
Howard had another clip of Ronnie talking about cooking and what kind of food he's into. He said he can cook from scratch but Stephanie can make Italian sauce and stuff. He was going off on her about the hours she works and how she's a fucking slob.
Howard asked if he hears how angry he is. Ronnie said he was talking about her being a mess in the kitchen. He said that she's not a slob other than in the kitchen. Howard said he has a beautiful 34 year old cooking for him and he's complaining about how messy she is. Ronnie said he doesn't like the way she cleans up. Howard asked if the marriage is going to last like this. Stephanie said it will. She said they've been living together for 5 years. Ronnie corrected her saying it's 6. Stephanie said she's used to Ronnie and to get anything across she has to come back at him that way.
Howard said they see some of this stuff on the air. He said he has to go the psychiatrist and talk about this. Ronnie said he's working on it. He said he'll work it out. Howard asked what he's so angry about. Ronnie said don't worry about it.
Jon said that Ronnie won't talk about the dry cleaning business he was in. He said he won't really talk about Scores and he won't talk about Jason Kaplan and the cupcake fight they had in the hall. Howard asked why he won't talk about that. Ronnie said it's over with. He said they had a talk about that. He said they worked it out.
Ronnie explained why Jason was upset with him for giving out cupcakes to other people there. Howard said he heard that Jason was upset about it because he would give them out before Jason was able to pick his favorites. Howard said that Jason's body is 20 percent cupcake. Ronnie said that it's a thing of the past now and that's it. Howard said that he stopped all of the cupcakes from coming in so that's why it's over.
Jon said he thinks that they went through tape and they found that they had gotten into a fight in the hall. Ronnie said that they did but it's done and over. Howard asked Jason if he thinks that this marriage will last. Jason said absolutely. He said they're in a great relationship and they have that thing that couples look for. He said they're so happy when they're together.
Howard played another clip from the Embedded special where Ronnie and Stephanie were talking about cleaning the home. Ronnie said that it's a woman's job. He said most old style women would stay home and clean the house. He said that if she didn't work she'd clean the house. Stephanie said she'd never not work. Howard asked what's going on here. Howard said of course she's going to work. Ronnie said they have a cleaning crew that comes in and cleans the house. He said it's an hour and they're out the door. Howard said that she could save them the money if she did it. Ronnie said it's not about the money. Stephanie said he expects her to clean the house herself. She said they clean the house together. Ronnie said that he has to clean her shit up. He said he doesn't really get pissed about it. He said that he comes home and cleans up after the dog who pisses on puppy pads.
Jon said people ask him what the key to the relationship is and he thinks it's the romance factor. He said that Ronnie has a tattoo showing the letter of her last name. He said that Ronnie has a recollection of what they did on her second birthday celebration. He said that seeing up the girl's asses in a movie they saw is what he remembers.
Howard said Ronnie seems to be sexed up out of his brain. Stephanie said it's not too much for her. She said they have their off nights and things. She said that in the beginning it was every night all the time. Howard said it's wild that he's like that at his age. Howard asked how often they make love now. Ronnie said it's 3 times a week at least. Stephanie said it might be more on the weekends. Ronnie said it's twice on Saturday.
Howard asked if they did it twice on Saturday. Ronnie said they did. He said it was morning and night. Howard asked if he beats off still. Ronnie said he doesn't need to. He said they goof around like that though. He said he pretends he's doing it in the shower. Stephanie said she's not sure why he'd need to if he's getting it so much from her.
Howard said that Ronnie should be so fucking happy. Ronnie said he is. Jon said they confirmed that he doesn't use any enhancements.
Jon said they also discovered that they had sex in the limo. Howard said that upset him when he heard that. He said that's where he sits in the limo. Howard played a clip of Ronnie and Stephanie talking about that with Jon. Ronnie said Howard never found anything back there. He said he doesn't think he'd be upset if he found out.
Howard said that's so gross. He said Ronnie said it was good for her. Ronnie said it was good for him too. Howard asked if it was really good for her. Stephanie said it was because it was in a public place. Howard asked if they just parked and fucked. Stephanie said they were out having lunch. She said they had just met and they had lunch and he had the limo that day. She said he wanted to get in the back and have sex. Howard asked where he finished. Ronnie said he finished inside her. Howard said he doesn't want to sit in his load. Ronnie said it was just one time. Robin asked if he used a condom. Ronnie said he's said a million times he doesn't use a condom. Stephanie uses a Nuvaring.
Howard said Jon has a ton more. He played a clip that they edited to have Ronnie cursing. They had him saying fuck a ton of times.
Howard said Jon asked Ronnie about what he loves about Stephanie. Howard played a clip where Ronnie talked about what they talk about together. He said they have a great relationship and people don't believe it. Howard said they asked him what he loves about Stephanie. He didn't answer. Ronnie said he loves everything about her. Howard said he can't answer that. Ronnie said they have a lot in common. Ronnie said she's hot and beautiful too. Howard asked what he loves about her. Howard asked if it's the tits and ass. Ronnie said that's part of it. Howard said the vagina is the other part. Howard asked what he loves about her. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said they have a lot in common. Howard couldn't get an answer. Stephanie said that she likes Ronnie's soul and his heart. Howard said that's amazing. Howard asked if he heard what she said. Ronnie said he heard it. Howard asked what he loves about her. Ronnie said if he didn't love everything about her he wouldn't be with her. Howard said that he has to go to the shrink today and asks what the definition of love is. Howard said he doesn't think he's ever thought about that.
Stephanie said that he's never written her a poem. Ronnie said that's bullshit. Howard asked Ronnie what he loves about himself. Ronnie said he's not talking about himself in the third person again. Howard said he does know what he loves. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard asked what he's going to do about him.
Howard asked what Stephanie loves about herself. She said she loves her compassion for animals and the help she gives them. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on here. He said he doesn't know Stephanie well but he expected Ronnie to say what she just said. Howard said he loves that about her and he barely knows her. Ronnie said he loves that too.
Ronnie thinks that she'll leave him some day so he's keeping that stuff bottled up. Howard asked if Stephanie is wearing underwear today. Stephanie said she is.
Stephanie said that Ronnie thinks that when he hits 85 she'll kill him since she has access to the drugs. Howard said he's really out of it. Howard said she'll be fine with changing his diapers and colostomy bag in a few years. Stephanie said she'll be fine.
Howard said that Ronnie is all about squirting and he talks about it all the time. Stephanie said her boss tells her about the stuff he talks about in his sex tips. Howard asked if Ronnie is making her squirt. Stephanie said sometimes. She said it depends on her mood. She said it can turn into a squirt. Howard asked if it upsets Ronnie when she doesn't do it. Ronnie said no. Howard told Stephanie to run for the hills.
Howard said Ronnie has a new sex tip coming soon and it's how to make your own cock ring from a bagel. Howard said one thing that Jon brought up with Ronnie is the proposal he did on the air. Howard said he has a clip of Ronnie doing that on the air. That's where Ronnie told Stephanie to go find the ring hidden inside a pair of sneakers.
Howard asked Ronnie if he would do the same thing today. Ronnie said he didn't know how to do it at the time. Howard asked if he has this second chance how would he do it. Ronnie said she knows that's him and he's not changing anything. He said it is what it is and that's it. Howard did a proposal himself. He said he has never seen a woman more beautiful and she opened up her heart to him. He said she cared about him but he cares more about her. He said he loves her. Howard asked Stephanie to give him her hand in marriage. Stephanie said yes of course.
Fred did his Ronnie impression and rhymed his proposal like it was a poem. Howard said that Jon has done it again. He said this special will air this Thursday after the Wrap Up Show. Howard said that it's called Embedded Ronnie and Stephanie: A Love Story?
Howard said that Ronnie was on the NASCAR channel. Ronnie said it's a show called Happy Hour. Howard asked Jon about being at war with Brent. Jon said this is so silly. He said this is the difference between a grown up and a not grown up. He said he was up there 6 weeks ago saying hello to everyone. He said he went to Brent asking how he was doing and he wouldn't turn around. He said then someone whispered that Brent hates him. He said they had an interaction a year and a half ago and he was fine. Howard said he thinks Jon agreed with Ronnie about Brent being a rat and that's what this is all about.
Howard had Brent come in. Brent said it was Jon agreeing with Ronnie about him being a rat. Jon said he believes that he tweeted that he had to side with Ronnie on this one. He said that he said that because he and Ronnie had some clashes and it was meant in jest. He said it wasn't a front to Brent. Brent said that this is the guy who took shit samples to get someone fired and he's going after him. Howard said Ronnie was the one who called Brent a rat. He said that he's not as guilty as Ronnie. Brent said that he's upset about people getting on their high horse. He said this came out of nowhere. Jon said it was a tweet in jest. Howard said it doesn't sound like that. Robin asked what it meant to Brent. Brent said he just explained it. Jon said he really had no idea he was upset about that. Brent said he did tweet back at him that day. Jon said he didn't see him tweet back.
Howard said nothing good comes out of Twitter. He said if someone is joking it's lost. He said writing this stuff gets lost in the mix. Stephanie said Ronnie hates Facebook. Ronnie said he's seen a lot of stuff go down between friends. He said on Facebook they put up pictures of things to make people get mad. He said he doesn't do that. He said it's personal stuff on Facebook. He said if people aren't getting along they do stuff to make people mad and angry. He said he would never do that. Ronnie said he'd rather put up pictures of girl's asses.
Howard said Stephanie calls herself the number 1 girl of the week. He asked if this stuff upsets her. Stephanie said nah.
Stephanie said she wants to go with Ronnie and JD when they go to a strip club or whatever for a bachelor party. Howard said she's into that stuff so she wants to go. Ronnie said he's gone with her before. He said they're thinking of doing a guy's weekend. He said it would be a double bachelor's party. Ronnie said they don't want to interrupt their fight.
Howard asked when the wedding is going to happen. Stephanie said that it's going to be in September of 2018. Howard said he'll be watching him get married then. Stephanie said they're looking in Chelsea Piers and places like that. She said she's thinking of a few other places. Howard said he'd like something in Long Island. Howard said maybe Ronnie won't even live that long. Ronnie said they should have it in his back yard. Howard said sure. He said he already fucked her in his car. He said please don't do that in the back of the car. Stephanie said it was the old limo so it's not the one he's in now.
Howard said he has to move along and get to Alec Baldwin. He said he has a new book that has some explosive stuff in it. Howard said Jon is looking good. Jon said he's doing a boxing class with a personal trainer. Howard asked if he wants to fight Brent. Jon apologized to Brent about the tweet. He said he's sorry if it hurt his feelings. He said he likes Brent. He said they always had a good relationship. Howard asked if Brent is upset now. Brent said here is no resentment. Howard asked if Ronnie has any last words for the love of his life. Ronnie said he is happy they're together and he's looking forward to their future together. Howard said that's about as emotional as he's ever seen him. Howard said Stephanie looks very fresh and young and nubile. He said they'll see what happens.
Howard thanked them for letting Jon do his thing with them. He said they're looking forward to hearing that on Thursday. Howard said that no one can take that stuff away from them. Howard said it couldn't have been easy for them. Howard said he's going to have to listen to this special. He asked if Stephanie has ever seen Ronnie wash his ass in the sink. Stephanie said she hasn't because the sink is too high now. She said that they got new sinks.
Howard asked if Stephanie has ever seen him shit. Stephanie said she never has. She said they have a rule about that. Howard said he could do a 6 hour special but he has to move along. He thanked them all for coming in. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has Alec Baldwin there. He said he has a new book out called Nevertheless: A Memoir. He said Alec will tell them why he calls it that. Howard said he's also in the Boss Baby animated movie. Howard said he's a bigger star than ever. Howard said last time he saw him he wasn't that big. Howard said the career is going extremely well.
Alec said he loves coming on this show because the margins are expanded. He said the movie has done like $120 million and Howard said it's a couple hundred million. He said maybe worldwide it has. Howard said there's so much going on with Alec. He said Alec said he did it for the money and not to write about his life. Alec said they ask you to write about something you like and they ask if you want to do a memoir. He said if there's enough of that in there they give him more money. He said they asked for a writing sample so he gave them 3-4000 words about overdosing on cocaine in the 80s. He said they loved it.
Howard said he wrote two memoirs and it was a big mistake. He said he hates what he wrote. He said he wrote it himself. He said he was at a different place in his life. He said he didn't really feel that way. He said he wrote it to feel outrageous and to entertain. He said he didn't care about who he hurt. He said he put the audience ahead of everyone else. He said he did it twice. Alec laughed about him doing it twice.
Howard said he loved the idea of doing the books and that the movie came out of it. Howard said now that he looks back he could have done a better job. He said he'll leave it at that. Alec said he would do the same. He said that he kept looking at it and wanted to change things. Howard said he'll always do that. Howard asked if he wrote it himself too. Alec said he did. He said he signed the deal at the end of 2014. He said he sat and thought about it for 18 months. Then he crashed it in the last 6 months. He said his wife told him she couldn't wait for it to be over because it was all consuming.
Howard said he spent the whole summer writing in his basement. He said the kids were out playing and he was writing in the basement. He said he wondered what the fuck he was doing. He said it was a hard job. Alec said he had to go somewhere to get into it. He said you have to enter a zone. He said then it comes out. He said you hit a stride and don't want to stop. He said you can't sit there all day. He said he'd go to this restaurant in the city and they had quiet music playing. He said that it wasn't like a gym where the music is really loud. He said the people at the gym are an average of 35. He said that they're working out in the middle of the day and even 16 year olds would reject this music.
Howard said Alec has songs picked out for his funeral. He said he has like 6 songs. Alec said it's up to 11 now. Howard said they're all classical music too. Howard asked why he's not a rocker. Alec said he is. He said he did his podcast and he did John Anderson from Yes. He said that people think they know him and he said if you only knew what he was like. He said that he would have his speakers playing and he'd be listening to this Yes stuff. He said he was into the Beatles, Stones, Zeppelin and the Who.
Alec said that Carley Simon isn't in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. He said that he did his podcast with her too. He said they should have a women only section in the hall of fame. Howard said she has done a lot of great tunes. Howard said she's an amazing guest. Alec said she's great. He said they talked about a lot of amazing stuff.
Howard said he was surprised to see in his book that he had a meeting with Scott Greenstein about having a radio show. He said in the book that he was really into radio and he wanted to do his own Howard Stern type show. Alec said he wanted to do a show where he and Lisa were on the phone talking and he'd wonder why he wasn't streaming these conversations on the internet. He said they wanted to do that where he and Lisa would be like Robin and Howard. He said he wanted to have a Fafa Fooey and all of that. He said they were going to have him called Gaga Gooey. He said they were going to have this guy called The Kid and they'd send him out to do stuff that they're too old to do.
Alec said the reason they didn't do it was because they wanted him to do it every day. He said the podcast is every other week. He said their goal was to rip Howard off completely. Howard said that it might have worked. Alec said it might have.
Howard said that every time he talks to Alec he talks about classical music. He said he wonders what the status of the Baldwin brothers is. Alec said his brother Daniel moved to where he wanted to live and not think that much about the business. He said he was living outside of L.A. and he moved to Upstate New York near his sister and mother. He said he's as happy as can be now. He said Daniel makes a movie and comes home and he's happy. He said if you told him he's the one he'd envy the most he'd tell you that you're nuts.
Howard asked if Alec can believe he's been sober 30 years. Alec said he missing having drinks. He said he hasn't slipped in 32 years. Alec said that drugs are to get you high but alcohol is for cuisine. He said with wine you can have a drink with dinner. Howard said he can have one glass of wine with dinner and that's it. Alec said Howard has this DNA where he can say no. He said he doesn't drink or do drugs. Howard said he did when he was young. He said he did smoke weed and did heroin accidentally.
Alec said in the book he writes about the drug use and it's really not that significant in the book. He said drugs in this culture is like playing baseball. He said when you're in college everyone goes through that phase. He said if they say they don't then they're lying. He said his wife said she never did that stuff. He said she was a Latin ballroom dancer and you think that they're all doing that stuff. He said his wife doesn't do anything.
Howard asked about Stephen Baldwin. Alec said Billy is upstate too and he's a dad. He said you ask him how he's doing and it's all about the kids. He said he's a great guy and a role model. He said he and Stephen aren't talking. Alec said that he looks at it like it was coming. He said he was supporting Trump. He said there is no common ground when you support Trump. He said there is no common ground anymore.
Howard asked what he thought about his brother saying his Trump impression wasn't funny. Alec said that here are people who he can disagree with on things and you can have a conversation. He said that he asks them if they had to pick this guy to be the messenger. He said it's insane to him. He said you thought George W. Bush was the low point. He said he's now the Adelaide Stevenson between him and Trump.
Howard asked Alec if he thinks that this could somehow turn into something dangerous for him doing the impression. Alec said that there are people in bureaucracy who would never allow that to happen. He said that he thinks sicking the IRS on you isn't something they really do. He said even Trump has one thing in common. He said even Trump can't believe he's there. Alec said Howard is in New York and Trump was a drive by celebrity. He said he'd show up at events and he was polite but they never really spoke about important things.
Howard said he was talking to Rob Schneider and Adam Sandler the other day about him on Saturday Night Live. He said that Rob said the cast must hate him for being so popular on the show. Howard said that Adam didn't think so but Rob did. Howard said he thought his impression of Bill O'Reilly was great too last week. Alec said he didn't think it was all that great.
Howard said that he had the theory that the people who do the best are the actors on the show. Howard said they said that Christina Applegate was great as a host. He said that they said they wanted Jennifer Aniston on the show because she's a great actor. Howard said that Alec does a lot of impressions. Alec said he can do Al Pacino. He said he can't do it that well because he has a cold today. He tried it though.
Howard asked if the key to being a good actor is being a mimic. Alec said it's jut to know your lines and the other person will take you where you need to go. Alec said he did the movie Blue Jasmine and he had a scene where Cate Blanchet and he did this scene and Woody Allen would tell her to do it a little differently. He said they did a bunch of takes and this was acting to him. He said she refused to quit. He said they finally did the scene and then you saw why she won the Oscar.
Howard said it made him sad reading about his mother. Howard said his mother had depression like his. He said to cheer her up Alec would pay his mother to make her happy. He said he'd do anything to make money for her. Alec said you spend your childhood worrying about someone else. He said you wonder what she's going to do next. He said that he was only 8 or 9 at the time.
Howard asked if that works into the acting thing. Alec said it does. Howard said he has that feeling inside and he never gets that thing from his parents. Alec said that those things make him angry. He said 100 years ago he would have shot Harvey Levin dead in the streets of Laredo. Robin said this is a better world now. Alec said that maybe she's right.
Howard asked if he goes out of his way to make sure his kids don't worry about him. Alec said he's 59 as of last week and he has a 3 kids that are within 3 years of each other. He said that he wanted to have a family. He said he had one other daughter before and he loves her. Alec said that he is making sure that he does things right with his kids now.
Howard said that Alec's dad tried to go to law school and it didn't work out so Alec tried it but that didn't work out. Alec said the check bounced. He said he tried other things like acting out. Alec said that this was back in 1975 and the law degree wasn't that special back then. He said that's unless you went to Harvard or Yale. Alec asked when radio came into his life. Howard said he was 5. He said he'd go watch his father work at his recording studio. He said he saw some amazing people working there. He said his father had reverence for people when they were behind a microphone. He said that's how he thought he could get that from his father.
Alec said he plays that kind of stuff for his daughter. Alec said that he did a lot of sessions when he was recording for movies. He said they just did this Boss Baby thing last year. He said he really enjoyed that movie. He said that they did a great job with it. He said that they can do anything they want in animation.
Howard asked Alec went to acting school in NYU. He said he described that he was hit on by a lot of men. Alec said he did have some guys know where they were at. He said some grabbed him. Robin said they couldn't not grab him. Alec said he was pretty strong and he was like ''Easy buddy.''
Howard said Alec got a job on a soap opera called the Doctors. Alec said he was a waiter and they had a club up top. He said this woman was there and her friend was a casting agent so she told him to go see them. He said he got the job. Alec said that soaps are a great training ground. Alec said he found it funny that they wanted the show to proceed at a snails pace so women could miss a day and come back and pick up on it. He said then by Thursday and Friday it was recap day. He said they'd go over the stuff they had done the rest of the week.
Howard said Alec had a guy that he loved on this show he did. Howard asked what it was he loved about the guy. Alec said he was a great actor and he had a great background. Alec talked about what a great guy he was. His name was David O'Brien.
Howard asked Alec about a theater producer stoping him on the street and asking him if his ass was as hairy as his chest because he wanted him to sit on his face for a couple of hours. Howard said no gay man has ever come on to him that way. He said he envies Alec's good looks. Howard said it must be great not to worry about your looks. Alec said getting older is tough. He said in the 80s it was good but it's stressful as you get older.
Howard said there was another guy who got a hold of Alec and pulled him in close. Alec said he put his hand on his shoulder and then hooked his cane on his neck and shook his face. He said it was probably moves he had done before. He said the guy pulled him toward him and shoved his tongue in his mouth. He said he pulled back. He said that the guy thought he was reading signals from him that weren't there. He said he had to threaten him and say if he did it again he was going to break every bone in his body. He said they stayed friends for a long time after that.
Howard said he's never had anything like that. He said he had a guy ask him to jerk off in the same room as him but that was it. He said he had a friend show him his boner once. He said he wanted to rub sticks with him but he didn't do it.
Alec said he had a friend who asked him to go inside and take a shower. Alec said he lived just down the block. He said he asked him to shower with him. He said he never went that way. He said his father had a friend who was very educated and they called him Uncle Dave. He said he'd call his dad like once or twice a year. Alec said he'd call them up in a deep voice and he'd say he was going to Greece and ask him if he wanted to go. Alec said he was like 13 and he was like ''That sounds great!'' He said he'd ask his mom and she's freak out. He said his father was totally out of it not paying attention. Alec said that his mother told his dad and his dad got on the phone and said that was very nice of him but he may have other things going on. Alec said his father would hang up the phone. He said his mother was unpolished and told her dad to tell Alec what was going on. He said his dad would sit there grinding his gears and tried explaining.
Howard said that's so great. He said all of these stories are great. Alec said that he wants to get back to Trump. He said he doesn't have any hatred for Trump but he has to go. He said impeachment will do or voting him out will do. Howard asked about his career on Saturday Night Live. Alec asked who the hell cares about that. He said they have to get Trump out. Alec said that we go around talking about how great this country is and then we elect Trump. He said he has to go. Alec said he doesn't want to be president. Howard asked what the prep was to do the Saturday Night Live impression. Alec said it was just watching YouTube clips. He said that you do this live show and everything gets blown up in front of a crowd. He said that they did this in front of a live audience and it's like 150 people. He said he could probably go into a room with a camera and lights and do a more finely honed Trump but on TV they have to do it like he does it with the mouth out and the eyebrow up.
Howard said they say that here are lines of people waiting to see him do Trump. Alec said he was going to do a film last summer and Lorne asked him to do this. He said he was going to work with Woody Harrelson and the movie was an indie film. He said Lorne called him to play Trump this season. He said he didn't want to play Trump. He said the money from the film wasn't coming through. He said he called Lorne and said he was ready. Alec said that they're serious over there about watching tapes. He said the writing is amazing over there.
Howard asked if they send him a script first. Alec said that Steve Higgins is there and he talks to him about the scripts. He said they can wait until the last minute to change things. Howard asked if he could have predicted how popular this would be. Alec said not at all. He said they love you for channeling your hatred for them. He said that he's the enemy of your enemy that you want to see.
Howard said that he's almost the resistance. Alec said that the cast of Saturday Night Live have been nothing but nice to him. He said that they might take something away from the cast by being here every week but they still have a lot of great stuff they do there. Alec said he loves when Putin comes out on the show.
Howard said Alec has said that he's in love with the women who he works with like Tina Fey. Alec said he's talking about their talent. He said he talks about Mary Louise Parker and others too. He said when you do a movie or a play and you feel like you're playing tennis with them going back and forth it's great. Howard said you can feel like you're in love with them. Robin asked if it has to go to sex. Alec said that back then if you wanted to have sex with them then you probably did. He said when he was younger he'd do any job he got. He said that it was like that with women. He said as you get older you just do a few things.
Howard said Alec talks about Kim Bassinger in the book. He said that they were two narcissists getting together. Alec said Kim is very funny in person. He said that everyone who knows her knows that. He said she's very funny and she had a great line. He said she said she was where she wanted to be at the time. He said then things change. Alec said his wife now has three kids and she's funny and she can be trusted. Howard said it must have been good to marry someone who isn't an actress. Howard said that way there's no competing. Alec said when you're with someone that time of your life is like a forge. He said you're forging your career. He said that people told him not to marry Kim. He said that he was told not to marry anyone. He said they told him he could marry someone when he's 40.
Howard said the move ''The Hunt For Red October'' was very good for him. He said Alec is kind of down on Harrison Ford. Alec said that was his franchise. He said he signed a deal to do 2 other pictures. He said that someone was going to do a movie for Paramount and that ended. He said they owed that star money so they had to give that person a job. He said that his negotiation was going back and forth and this one executive saw the opportunity to shove him over the ledge and give the other person the job. Howard said he lost the franchise to Harrison Ford because of that. Howard said Alec called him a troll or something. Alec said he just said he wasn't very memorable in the role.
Alec said that when you work for different movie studios they all have their own ways of working. He said at Universal they had Lou Wasserman who would sit up high and look down on you. He said he was summoned to his table once and he was told he was excited about the movie he was doing. Alec said at Paramount it was different. He said that they would take a giant shit on you every chance they got. He said that's just what they do.
Alec said the important thing is that he got sober. He said he brought up the sobriety thing because movie stardom is a drug. He said that movie stardom often represents not sober living. He said it's something that you get addicted to. He said that's the thing that can destroy you. He said the 12 step thing says that it's that thing you get addicted to is what can destroy you.
Alec said that another thing that's essential is that if you say you're not interested in something then they're done with you. He said that if you turn something down they'll tell you that there are a lot of people waiting for that job. He said they'll just say ''Fuck you. You're dead.'' Howard said that's like a drug pusher. Alec said that the biggest movie stars aren't that well known as being great actors. He said they're just in a different business. He said that the biggest stars aren't known as the best actors.
Howard asked if it was difficult for Alec to go see the Harrison Ford movies. Alec said it was hard. He said he just learned a lesson from all of that. He said that he could have made the franchise thing work out. Alec said he tells these stories in the book about all of this. He said they wanted to cut the kiss from the movie ''A Prelude to a Kiss'' and he jokes about how they wanted to make it A Prelude to a Hug. Alec said they claimed they heard groaning in the test audiences when the kiss happened.
Howard asked Alec about hosting Match Game. Alec said he had been searching for streams of revenue. He said he did some Capital One commercials and he'd give money to the arts. He said that they asked him to do Match Game for the summer. He said they were a big success and then they wanted more. He said they asked him to do a whole season and he wondered why he's holding out. Alec said he got a call from one guy and it was like a dream. He said that stuff lives inside you and you put it on a shelf. He said that if this one guy calls you then you just have to do it. He said that he agreed to work with this guy and told him he can't work one day into August. He said that he got a call a week later from a producer telling him he'd get him out by August 10th. He had a pregnant wife so he couldn't do it. Alec said he had to turn down another job to be with his wife. Alec said then Match Game came around. He said that works for him.
Howard said Gene Rayburn was a great guy and they had the biggest group of losers on the show. Howard said they had Brett Summers on the show. Alec said he does the show and Jennifer Mullen runs the show. He said he has never been happier in his life. He said he goes in and does the show and has a bagel and some fun. Howard said he hopes Harrison Ford doesn't want to host the show.
Alec said that they did the first show and everyone was polite. He said they got into the second round and it was really fun. He said by the time the third one comes around everyone is wasted.
Howard said he read that he dated Jackie Onasis. Alec said that was in another book. He said that he was invited to Carley Simon's house and they were going to go out to a Broadway play with this group. He said it turned out it was Jackie Kennedy who was the mystery guest. He said that he was blown away. He said that his friend Jim Hart grabbed his hand and told him to just talk to her like a regular person. Howard asked if Jackie wanted to get down with him. Alec said not at all. He said they went to this thing and Jackie said to him that her son John wants to be an actor and maybe he could tell her what he could do to further his acting career. Alec said that she had to be kidding him and she laughed. He said that she told him that they were going to go ahead of them and sit in front of them so no one sees them showing up together. Alec asked if she was nuts because no one would believe they were seeing each other.
Howard said she was the most discussed person in history. He said she had to think like that. Howard said he didn't bring up the grassy knoll or anything like that. Alec said not at all.
Alec said that there was not one discussion of her being interested in him. He said she wasn't a cougar or anything. He said she was dating someone at the time. Howard said that's a major story that he got to hang out with her like that. Alec said that would be a huge story if he did date her. Howard asked if he would have taken her up on that just to be part of history. Alec said if he wasn't with Kim at the time maybe. Howard said he would have. Alec said he was like 34 an she was like 69 at the time. He said this was back in the 90s. Howard said he would have banged Barbara Bush or anyone like that.
Howard said that Alec is known to his family as is Xander since his father was known as Alec. Alec said his family still calls him that. Howard asked how important it is for this book to be a hit. Alec said he doesn't care. He said you just want to be a good partner for the people who give you a job. He said Tom Cruise told him once that you have to work hard for the people who you work for. He said he's doing Mission 6 this summer with him.
Alec said he thinks it's going to be very difficult for Trump to come back to New York when he's done as President. He said he feels bad for his grandchildren. He said his name is going to be a punchline in the future.
Howard asked if he wears any prosthetic for the Trump impression. Alec said they put make up and the wig on. He said the wig is key. Alec did his impression for Howard. He said you stick your lips out like you want to bite the person in front of you. He told Howard how he does the impression and did more of it to show how he comes up with it. He said Trump has a vocabulary of about 100 words.
Howard asked if Alec goes to the after parties for Saturday Night Live. Alec said he loves Melissa McCarthy on the show. He said they do the show and his kids are up at 5:30 in the morning so he has to go home. He said the season finale is on May 20th so he'll go to that one. Howard said they must be kissing his ass over there for what he's brought to the show. Alec said that Lorne is always throwing him work. He said everyone has someone like that. He said Lorne is someone who convinced him to do 30 Rock and that was the best experience he's ever had in his life. Howard asked when he goes in to do the trump thin. Alec said he's on the phone all week and he goes in on Friday.
Alec said that the election was kind of like 9/11 for New York. He said it's not quite as bad but people were walking around looking like they were in shock. Howard said they really were. Alec said that there was no way anyone thought he was going to win. He said now he is. He said it's forcing a grass roots movement to get him out. He said everyone is getting ready. He said we need to recalibrate this country. He said that he didn't think the middle class white people were over looked but Trump's campaign said they were.
Alec said he's upset that the whole Russia investigation has been slowed down. He said that they really need to make that happen. He said that would be best for this country. He said they have cowards in Washington. Howard said it was journalists who uncovered the whole Watergate scandal. Alec said he's not sure how this would all unwind.
Howard said Alec has done it all and said it all in the book. Howard said this is a big moment. Alec said this is his last talk show. He said he's doing Ellen and Conan next week. He said that he did Colbert last night. Alec said that his wife likes going to L.A. He said that he's never going to talk in public again after that stuff. Robin said she thought that he'd talk politics. Alec said his wife hates that because there's no money in it.
Howard asked what would happen if he ran into Trump. Alec said he doesn't think they'd talk. Alec said they tried to get Trump on Saturday Night Live but he turned it down. He said they were going to do dueling Trumps. Alec said he thinks Trump is unqualified to be President. He said he'll just leave it at that. Alec said he's going to appear with Ellen and then Conan and then never be seen again in public. He said he wishes he could do Howard's show every month. Howard said he's welcome there any time. Alec thanked him for having him on. Howard asked if he will dance with Ellen. Alec said he comes from that tough guys don't dance thing. He said he will try. Howard said he has to go dance.
Alec asked if he's ever done Ellen's show. Howard said he has not but she did his show. Howard and Alec talked about Letterman and how much they loved doing his show. Alec said he had never been on Colbert's show and it felt strange going in there because that's where Letterman did his show. He said that it was a little strange.
Howard said Dave came back to visit him recently and he likes the way the beard looks in person. He said it works. Alec said he'd love to know what that beard represents. Howard said he's sure Dave thought about it before doing it. Alec said that's some beard too. He said there must be things living in there.
Howard asked Alec why he called his book Nevertheless. Alec explained it to Howard and he had some long explanation for it. Howard wrapped up and gave Alec some plugs for the book, Baby Boss and a movie called Blind that's coming out soon. Alec said he did that with Demi Moore. He spent a few minutes talking about how great it was working with her. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he ran into Benjy yesterday and he hasn't been in the studio a long time. He said he was kicked out for coming in late. He said it was distracting to him. He said that he has been punished long enough. Gary said Benjy was almost an hour late this morning. He said he got in around 7:45 this morning. Howard said that's why he kicked him out. Howard said he was going to say it was time to let him back in. Robin said she was going to say don't do it. Gary said that Benjy over slept. He wasn't in the office right then either. Howard said he can't come in there for another year because of that. Robin said here was no evidence that he would lapse again. Gary said he just came back in. Howard said he has to get out of there. He said he'll go berserk if he doesn't.
Fred told Howard to give Benjy 1 minute. Howard said he was about to let him come back and then he finds out he was late. He asked what happened. Benjy said this has rarely happened in his life. He said he woke up late. He said he's rarely had that happen. He said he was up at like 4:30 or so and he read for a few minutes and went back to sleep. He said the next thing he knows he wakes up and it was 7:02. Howard asked how many alarms he has. Benjy said he has the iPhone and several on it. He said he set some ahead of time and he has a repeating one. He didn't wake up. Howard said none of this makes sense to him. Howard said he was going to let him in but now he's banned until 2018. Howard asked if he was late to the Sharknado shoot yesterday. Benjy said no. Howard said that's all he wanted to know. Howard said everyone else was on time. Benjy said it's horrible. He said his puppy was sad this morning and he thinks she felt what was going on in his head. Howard said goodbye to him.
Robin read a story about a new Caitlyn Jenner interview. Howard said she was going to come in there but they were out that day. He said he would have loved to have spoken to her. He said he wants her to come in. He said she did send them a song. He said she wrote one about cutting off her penis and balls. Howard played the song parody. Robin said Diane Sawyer will be doing the interview with Caitlyn. Howard said it's the same ol' same ol' with Diane Sawyer. He told her to come in there. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
After the break, around 10:55am, Howard came right back and asked what else is in the new. Robin read a story about an asteroid that's coming within a 1.1 million miles of Earth. Robin said that's really close according to astronomers.
Robin read about how Facebook is looking to create virtual reality with a new Messenger. She had some audio for Howard to play where they explained that. Robin said that Mark Zuckerberg was the one talking about that. Robin went through some of their plans for this new Messenger. Howard asked what he can do with that. Robin said you can do all kinds of things. Howard asked ''What am I seven?'' He said he'll try to get into that. He said that's something that his wife would do. He said he's tried to use Emojis and people tell him he's gay for doing that. He said maybe he'll be the only one left saying stuff with words instead of pictures.
Robin read a story about Prince and how music that was unreleased is being released. Robin said there's an EP coming out with tracks recorded between 2006 and 2008. Howard said he knows Fred is going to release their track after he dies. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. Howard said it sounds good so far. He let it play a little longer. Howard said they should call the album ''Songs Prince Hated.'' He said they weren't up to his standards. He said maybe there is a hit in there. He said Sheryl Crow mentioned that she didn't know she had some hits with her songs.
Robin read a story about a guy they were calling the Facebook killer being found in Pennsylvania from a self inflicted gunshot wound. Robin said he shot an elderly man and posted video on Facebook. Howard said he was so glad he killed himself. He said if he was caught alive they would have kept him alive. Howard said he's happy to see he killed himself. Robin said he had gone to McDonald's and they recognized him there. Howard said they told him the fries were delayed and they tried to kill time. Robin said that's brave. Howard asked if she was talking about eating fries because that is brave. Robin said they had someone in the back trying to call the cops while they kept this guy busy. Howard said there are probably feats of bravery at McDonald's every day. He said it really is brave that they did that. Robin said this happened in Eerie, Pennsylvania. Robin had audio of the manager talking about what they did.
Robin had some audio of President Trump taking credit for how much he's done in his first 90 days. He said he's done more that Obama in his first 90 days. Robin read more about what he was talking about at this event he was speaking at. She had more audio clips to play where Trump was bragging about what he's done.
Robin read a story about a study done about pollution and which cities are the most polluted. Robin went thought he list and mentioned some of the worst places for pollution and the best.
Robin read a story about a triple killing in Fresno, California. Robin said they're saying it wasn't a terrorist act even though the guy was yelling ''allahu akbar'' as he killed. Robin had a clip of a cop talking about why it wasn't a terrorist attack.
Robin read a story about Tom Brady not being in attendance at an event that President Trump is going to be at for the New England Patriots.
Robin also read about former New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez apparently committing suicide in his jail cell. Robin said that he was found in his cell tied to the window with his sheets.
Robin read a story about the Trump administration saying that Iran is agreeing to limit their nuclear program.
Robin asked if Howard likes those housewives shows. Howard said he only watches Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. He said the women on that show are wealthy and they make an obscene display with their wealth. He said they don't keep any part of their lives secret. Howard said they look in on their lifestyle and they look silly doing what they do. He said all they want is to be famous. Robin said that one of the daughters of one of the housewives of New York is under arrest. Robin read about the 22 year old who was charged with driving while intoxicated on Sunday morning.
Robin read a story about a study done about salt and they found that it makes people hungry. Robin said people think it makes people thirsty but it actually makes them hungry and drink less. Robin said it makes the body hold on to water and the process causes hunger from using energy.
Robin read a story about a lawmaker that's looking to ban fruit and other flavored cigarettes. Robin read about how they're aimed at young adults and minorities.
Robin read a story about Kevin Spacey being this year's Tony host. Robin said he says he was probably their 19th choice after everyone turned it down.
Robin read a story about George Herbert Walker Bush being admitted to the hospital with pneumonia again. Robin had some details about that. Robin said he had a way of talking to you like no one else was in the room. Howard said Robin would be a great host for the Tony Awards. Fred played some clips of her singing. Howard said her big dance number and singing would be great. Robin said that President Bush will be 93 on June 12th. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.