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Howard started the show talking about Don Rickles. Howard said he was going to tweet since Don's death was announced on Wednesday or Thursday last week. He said they weren't on the radio and he thought about tweeting something and then he said it seems trivial to do that. He said it's so much more complex for him. He said he refrained from going on Twitter. He said he knows people were waiting for him to say something but it seems kind of shallow to do it on Twitter. He said he has a radio show to do that on. Robin said he could have said that on Twitter. Howard asked why he has to do that. Robin said he doesn't have to do that. Howard said he didn't say anything on Twitter. He said it's become mandatory to do that. He said the newspapers were reporting that these people are his best friend because they tweeted about him. Howard said now he's going to do it on his radio show.
Howard said the sad thing is that people asked why Don worked so hard until the end. Howard said he thinks it was important to him to not be forgotten. Howard said he had younger friends like Stamos and Kimmel and Bob Saget. Howard said he didn't want to be pushed aside. Howard said he knows people in their 40s who didn't know who Don Rickles was. Howard said he can't believe that. He said that's such a crime.
Howard said Don Rickles was in his prime when he was a boy. He said his point of reference was from that time. Howard said Don made fun of these guys back then and it's difficult to stay in the mainstream as you get older. Howard said he thinks it was important for him to be recognized by younger people. Howard said it's very hard to say to someone in their 20s or 30s why Rickles was so great. Howard said they were never able to figure out how to use him in a sitcom or a movie. He said his greatness was that it seemed like it was off the cuff when he would go on a talk show and goof on someone like Carson. He said he got away with it. He said Frank Sinatra had no sense of humor but Rickles could goof on the guy and get away with it. He said Sinatra was a mob wannabe. He said he had guys around him all the time and people were afraid of him. Rickles said fuck you and he did it in a way that didn't get his ass kicked.
Howard said he remembers guys who tried to be like Don Rickles. He said his father had a friend who thought the was funny. He said he was influenced by Don. He said this guy would say ''Hey stretch'' and things like that. He was influenced by Don but he was so unfunny. He said he'd avoid the guy and leave the house if he heard he was there. Howard said everyone thought they could be Don Rickles. Howard said only Don could get away with what he did. Howard said he had a unique quality that he could get away with anything.
Howard said Don was so important to him that when he was on a talk show, any talk show, it was appointment television for him. He said it was such a big deal when he'd do a show. He said he'd be on a show and you'd belly laugh. Howard said going back and watching that stuff now it's not so funny but at the time it was a big deal. He said there was once a roast of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin was the host. He said Don would get called up and everyone was excited. Howard said he'd go through the audience and see people he knows and then he'd joke about people being black or whatever and you'd laugh your ass off. Howard said he was such an innovator. Howard said he was so different from anyone.
Howard said there were other comics who were put down comics but no one was as cool as Don. Howard said you hung on his every word. Howard said it's hard to explain to someone in their 20s up to their 40s who don is. Howard said they went on the street and asked people if they know who he was. Howard played some audio of Memet asking people about Don Rickles. They interviewed a bunch of people who had no idea who he was.
Howard said it's a funny thing because he thinks it bothered Don that he never found a TV show that worked for him. Howard said they never were able to figure out what to do with Don.
Howard said he got lucky. He said Jimmy Kimmel knew how important Don was to him. He said Jimmy knew him and he had a party out in L.A. and he invited Don to one of these parties. Howard said he and Don would just sit and talk. He said he had a glorious night with Don at a party years ago. He said he was sitting across from Don and he met his wife Barbara too. Howard said they were really tight. He said she stayed at his side and she made sure he was okay. Howard said when you talk to Don you also talk to Barbara. Howard said they had an amazing night. Howard said if someone said to him years ago that he'd be able to do something like that he wouldn't believe it. Howard said he would have fallen off his chair. He said Don was the best.
Howard said sitting with Don he got to see how quick he was. He said as soon as someone sat down he'd just kind of spot what was going on and be able to make jokes about it. He wasn't mean spirited but he had these great observations.
Howard said he went to another party at Jimmy's house and Don and his wife were coming in. He said Don's health wasn't so great and he could have scooted ahead of Don but he didn't do that. He told his wife he didn't want to upset him. He said Don didn't want to be walking so slow. He said he just hung back. He said Don got up and he saw Jimmy and started yelling at him about his steps. He said it was the funniest thing ever. Howard said it was great. Then he saw him and turned to him and asked if he was behind him on the steps. Howard said he told him no but Don said he didn't want him to see him like that. Howard said he was so sweet. He said they got to sit and talk again. He said that mind of his was still so sharp even if his body wasn't.
Howard said a couple of years ago he got to spend more time with Don. He can't get into it too much. He said they were at a dinner where there were some big names. He said Jimmy and his wife were there and he was sitting next to Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart and people like that. Howard said he was also there with Johnny Knoxville and his wife. Howard said they were all having a good time. He said Don wasn't saying much and there was a lot of weird stuff going on. He said it was a star studded dinner. He said Jack Nicholson was there too. He said Don was just sitting there and he figured he wasn't catching any of this. Then Don takes his last bite of food and he goes off on everyone at the table goofing on everyone. Howard said he was like ''Oh my god'' and he said it was the sharpest and wittiest thing ever. Howard said he was shocked at how unbelievable it was. Howard said he saw Don in action another time at Brad Grey's wedding. He said don got up and started talking about everyone in the room there too. He said it was drop dead funny. He said he was a master right up until the end. He was an amazing performer.
Howard said he adored the guy so much that he got jealous. He said when he would see Stamos walking around with Rickles he'd say to himself ''Why is John hanging around with Rickles?'' He said he felt like he owned Don Rickles and he was like a jealous woman. Howard thought he loved Don more than anyone else. Howard said the guy made him happy... when skies were grey. Howard said he was the best talk show guest he's ever seen. He said talk shows were his refuge when he was growing up. He said when he got on those shows himself it was important to be an entertaining guest because of Don Rickles.
Howard said Rickles loved John Stamos. He said John was so good to Don. He said so was Jimmy Kimmel. He said that he loves those guys for that. He said Don wanted to be in with the young guys and they were really good to him. Howard said they were way better than him. He said he doesn't go anywhere. Howard said Don didn't want to be with him.
Howard said he has to thank David Letterman too. He said the last time he was on Dave's show he had him on with Don Rickles. Howard said Dave had him on the show many times and he was grateful for that. Howard said the last show he did was with Don. He said he thought it was odd that they asked him to sit in with him. Howard said he thought maybe they should have Don on the show before him. He said he just found the whole thing odd. Howard said the request came from someone but he's not sure who. He said maybe it was Don. He said that was some weird kind of dream of his to be able to do that. He said if you told a 13 year old Howard he'd be on a premiere late night talk show talking with Don Rickles that would be ridiculous. Howard said he's not sure of when it was but there it was. He said they went to commercial and they had to wheel don out in a wheelchair. He said they sat him in a chair and he was sad. He said he knows don doesn't like to come out like that. Howard said he sat in his chair and the brain was there. He was as sharp as ever. Howard said he sat there and when they came back Don started in on Dave and then he was very complimentary about him. He said he didn't smack him around. He said it was just not funny but moving that he thought that highly of him.
Howard said Don got a standing ovation from the audience. He said he got to stand up and clap too. He said he's grateful for guys like Letterman and Kimmel who set up those meetings. He said he got to tell Don how much he meant to him. He got to sit outside and talk to the guy at Kimmel's house. Howard said he got to have some pizza too. He said he said to Don that he wants him to know what he means to him. He said he told him to shut up but he can't. He said he told Don that he's the best. He got to talk to the guy for real. He said he told him the Frank Sinatra stories but it was great to hear them from Don. He said he loved Barbara too. Robin said he got married late too. Howard said his son died too. He has a daughter too. Howard said he doesn't know his daughter but his wife was a lovely woman. He said they were so devoted to each other. Howard said he got to socialize with them a bit and it was great.
Howard said you can go pull clips of Don if you want to. He said he has some but you can go check them out on your own. He said check out some Johnny Carson interviews. Howard said maybe he will play some. He said he'd recommend playing some Rickles on Carson. He played a clip of Don talking to Frank Sinatra and goofing around about his Italian friends who might have been in the mob.
Howard said he'd also recommend the Dean Martin roasts. Howard said Don would always kill in those. He said there was a time when he roasted Orson Welles that was great. He played a couple of quick clips of Don roasting people.
Howard said that you should go check out some of those roasts. Howard said Don was doing stand up once and he saw a woman who he asked if she was hit by a train. Howard said he did that kind of stuff and he didn't get beat up. Howard said he hopes Stamos doesn't start dating Barbara now. Howard said maybe that's why he was hanging out with Don so long.
Howard said in 2007 Stamos brought Don in the studio. He said that Rickles made fun of his hair on Letterman. He said he said he has trick or treat hair. Howard played a clip of Don goofing on his hair. Howard said the guy is 90 years old and he came up with that. Howard said it's so great.
Howard said now Don is gone. He said he was a great. He really was. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel did a beautiful talk up on his show and he started to cry. Howard said he wrote to Jimmy who said he was praying he wouldn't be on the air after that show. Howard said if anyone should have cried it was Jimmy. Howard played a clip from Jimmy's show where he broke down crying over Don's death. Jimmy talked about what a great guy Don was.
Howard said Jimmy reacted to Cecil the lion dying the same way. He said that's why he told Jimmy he should never befriend anyone in their 80s. Howard said when he dies Jimmy better blow himself up on the air.
Howard said Don Rickles rest in peace. He said he gave them a log of laughs. Howard said he was a very nice man too. Howard thanked Letterman for putting him on the show with Don too. Howard said he asked his mom if she saw that interview and she said of course she did. Howard said she wouldn't shut up about don Rickles back in the day. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about Don.
Howard said he has to thank Stamos for bringing Don in and for Kimmel giving him those nights with Don. Howard thanked Don for the wonderful moments in his life that was otherwise miserable. Howard said Don was a shining light and no one will ever be like him. Robin said all they could find for him to do in movies were serious roles. Howard said he started out as a serious actor. Then his career was going nowhere so he tried stand up comedy and that was the thing that worked out for him. He said he tried to be an actor though.
Howard took a call from a guy, Balls, who asked what he learned from Rickles. Howard said it was confidence. He said when he went on a talk show he'd think of Don and that set of balls he had. He said he'd go on and plow through. Howard said it was Don's stage and no one else's.
Howard took a call from Steve from Florida who said that interview on Letterman was so great. He said that Don turned to Howard and told Dave that they'd get back to him later. Howard said he really was terrific.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the only other person who comes close to Rickles on talk shows is Howard. He said he loves Howard too. Howard thanked him for that. The caller said he binged on a bunch of Don's stuff over the weekend.
Howard said he binge watched a lot of Don's stuff over the weekend. Howard said Joan Rivers is gone too and she was a great talk show guest. He said her stuff holds up too. Howard said she was as quick as she could be. Howard said they had two different styles but they both killed.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing an Artie impression talking about working with Rickles on Dirty Work. Howard asked where he's been. Sour said he's been right there. Howard said he was hard to get in touch with. He said he's as talented as hell but he was hard to get to. Sour said his phones were just messed up. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said Sour was on a mad tear leaving voicemails. He said Gary was at the Billy Joel concert for the Nassau Coliseum. Gary said they gutted the inside and remodeled it. Robin asked if he was caught up in the mess with the tickets. Gary said that was another show. Howard asked if Gary was at every show. Gary said he just saw that one in the news. He didn't go to that one.
Howard said Sour was calling in as Gary from the Billy Joel concert. Howard played some clips of Sour's voicemails. Sour was doing his Gary voice talking about a bunch of stuff and singing songs with Gary's ''Noine'' thing.
Howard said he thinks Sour might know Gary better than Gary's wife. He has every little detail about his life. Howard said he called in over and over. He played another clip of Sour doing his impression of Gary. He had him sleeping and dreaming about his Sonos and things like that. Howard said he's in deep REM sleep dreaming about shrimp and pieces of vinyl.
Howard said the Gary impression gets better and better. He said Gary doesn't think it sounds like him but he thinks it does. Howard said they should do a wife swap thing where Gary and Sour Shoes swap. Howard said he's like Rich Little on Rittlin.
Howard said he thinks he said what he wanted to about Don. He said that's why he wasn't able to get it out in a tweet. He said it was more than 140 characters. He said he loves Don and he's part of him for the rest of his life. Howard said he's the best there ever was.
Robin asked if Jimmy tweeted. Howard said he did that and cried on his show. Howard said he won't cry like Jimmy. He said he's sure Stamos is writing a book on Twitter. Howard said Don's wife is less upset than Stamos and Kimmel. He said from what he heard Barbara and Don had the best marriage. Robin said when he finally got married no one could believe he got married. Howard said he was a mama's boy and she had to get approval from his mom to marry him. Howard said now he's just worried about her dating Stamos. Robin said that would be scandalous.
Howard said he was kind of anxious and he went on to look up the performances and it seems like they're not releasing any of it yet. Howard said he found something written about the Letterman thing but not the broadcast. Howard said they must be saving it for TV. Howard asked where the caller saw it. The caller said it was on multiple channels. Howard said he didn't see it. Gary said it was out at some point over the weekend. The caller said Letterman killed and it's a crime that he's not on TV. He said Dave came in at the last minute too and he crushed it. Howard said he wants to see that.
Howard said this guy in Sacramento was telling a story about how David Letterman met Pearl Jam on his show and that never happened. Howard said he's not sure where this guy came up with the story. Howard played the clip of this guy telling the story and the guy said that Letterman heard Pearl Jam on the Howard Stern Show and Dave called in and made friends with Eddie through the show. Howard said he's never had them on the show. He said he'd love to have them on the show but they've never been on. Howard said he was listening to Pearl Jam on that Lithium channel over the weekend.
Howard said that was fake news because he's never had Pearl Jam on. He said they should make up more stories like that. He made up a bunch of things that never happened on the show. He said Jay Leno once came in and shit on his console. Howard said Dame Judi Dench squirted in Gary's eye once. He said once Ronnie was a quiet professional. Howard said that was actually true. Howard said Oprah came in and queefed on Gary's head once.
Howard said there was an internet troll who always bad mouths him who tweeted Russell Crow and Crow responded. Howard said that becomes a story. He said none of it is true. Howard said now there are two nim nuts talking about how he was fat shaming the guy. Howard said no one gets anything right anymore. He said no one cares about the truth. Howard said it's all out of control. He said Russell can handle it but it wasn't him. He said it was the papers that did it and called him names. Howard said he has to get to more but he has to take a break first. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Gary was telling him that parking at the Nassau Coliseum was $40. He said that seems like a lot of fucking money to him. Gary said they're asking them to lower the price. Howard said when you go to a theater in Cleveland or Detroit what do they charge. Gary said he thinks that Giants Stadium is 25-30. He said that 40 is a lot. Howard said it seems to cross a line. Howard asked what it costs to see Billy Joel. Gary said he doesn't know but it has to be over $100.
Robin said they say that the Yankee tickets cheapest seat is $70. Robin said you still have to pay for parking. Howard said in the city it costs a lot for parking for a play. Gary said it's probably between 40-60 bucks. Howard said that's the city. He said Nassau can't cost that much. He said the parking should be free. Howard said Giants Stadium is $30. Gary said there have been a ton of news stories about it. Howard said they have to lower it.
Howard asked what it costs to build Nassau Coliseum. Gary said they were trying to build a new one but they didn't knock this one down. He said he knows the town has a lot of say in that. He said that he knows a guy who was putting his own money into it and it was like $400 million. Howard said he thinks he'd rather own that than a football team.
Howard said he doesn't see things ending well for Bill O'Reilly. He said he has huge ratings and all but it's so hard to break through with a TV show. Howard said Tucker Carlson will probably get Bill's show if Bill gets pushed out. Howard said they have a good farm team over there. Howard said he's not sure how it's going to end for Bill because here are so many allegations. He said now they're doing another internal investigation there. Robin said they have to because there's so much going on over there.
Howard said JD pulled a clip of a former employee who is saying that there was a woman working there at FOX and there was a woman working there who was making racist remarks. Howard played a clip of this woman making her claims about this allegedly racist woman. Howard said you have to hear this. Howard played more of this woman talking about how this woman would pick up notes with words on them and make people repeat them. She said she was saying that she was hoping to find out if she pronounces words incorrectly because black people do that a lot with these words.
Howard said it would be great if the janitor was a public masturbator. He said it would be so great if that's what it was like over at FOX News. Howard played another clip of the woman talking about being called ''Cancer girl'' or ''one boob girl'' over there at FOX.
Howard said the more this shit lingers the worse it's going to get. Howard said it's just one thing after another. He said they found some disturbing stuff in Bill O'Reilly's audio book. Howard said they found some stuff about Robin in there. He said that Bill just put out a book about morality too. He said it just came out this week. He said they say the book is selling well too. He said that's wild. Howard said that Bill said some stuff about Robin in his audio book. He played a clip that the guys edited together where they had Bill talking about Robin's twat. They had Bill saying he wanted to lick Robin's twat too. He had one of Bill talking about her massive titties too.
Howard said Robin had better call a lawyer. Howard said Bill even says that his cock head is bigger than Benjy's. He had more about Robin too. They had Bill talking about how he wanted a 3 way with Robin and Ronnie. Robin said both of them should sue. Howard had another one of Bill saying he knows a lot about Robin and he wants to fuck the shit out of her.
Howard had more clips and a song that the guys edited together of Bill singing about how Robin wants his cock. They had Bill talking about his 2 inch cock and more. Robin said she's not turned on by that in the least.
Howard said they have Bill singing about how she wants his penis all the time to the tune of Eddie Murphy's ''Party All the Time.''
Howard said Lenny Dykstra has a message of hope for Bill. Howard played that clip and Lenny said he knows what he's going through. He told Bill not to read the papers. He said that he likes pussy and that's not bad. He said if that was against the law he'd be on death row.
Howard said that's his message of hope. He said he's starting to think that both of those guys are creeps. He said he's going to hold his opinion until he sees the whole investigation. Robin asked what he thought of the President's defense of Bill O'Reilly. Howard said that was not a good thing to do. He said he would have advised him to keep quiet. He said Trump claims to have a big friendship with the guy but he's not sure about that. He said he's not sure how he would know if Bill did these things or not. Robin said he just said he thinks he didn't do anything wrong. Howard said that wasn't a very smart move. Robin said it's sexual harassment awareness day. Howard said it's a whole month. Robin said he didn't have to say anything at all. Howard said he should focus on bombing Syria instead.
Howard said on a positive note he thinks he sold his first network TV show. He said he was out pitching on Thursday. He said it's called Cock Talk. He said it's where people talk about their cocks. He said he didn't get thrown out. He said FOX said they were very interested. He said he just played his sizzle reel and they liked it. Howard played a clip of this show where they go on the street an talk to people about cocks. Steve Nowicki went out and asked people to talk about their cocks and people weren't into it. He did get a couple of guys to talk about their cocks. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said that Gary is fighting with Sal there. Gary said he's not fighting with him actually. He said Sal is upset with him and going behind his back about getting free parking. Howard asked Sal to come in and talk about that. Howard asked why he's so upset about this. Sal came in and said he saw Gary the following morning and he asked if he could believe the parking cost. He said Gary told him he got VIP parking so he didn't pay.
Gary came in and asked what he should have said. Gary said he's not going to lie about it. Sal said you don't have to rub it in. Gary said he got a parking pass. Howard said he gets what Sal is saying. He said if he got a private trip you don't want to hear that. Howard said if he says he flies private after Sal had to take a flight then that's rubbing it in. Sal said Gary told him about how he went to a private restaurant too. He said Gary is eating shrimp like the prince of Persia.
Gary said Sal got free tickets to the show. Sal asked when Gary last paid for a concert. Sal said he didn't ask for the tickets. Howard asked if Sal thinks that Gary doesn't deserve this stuff because he doesn't work as hard as the rest of them. Sal said he doesn't think so. He asked Howard if he thinks so. Sal thought about it and said to a point and then Gary takes advantage.
Sal said he was offered these tickets and he got them from this guy Lee Leitsner. He said he was asked if he wanted them and he asked his wife that night. Sal said he Lee is a good guy. Gary said Sal knows him through him. Gary said he does business with Lee and Sal barnacled on to him. Gary said he books a ton of guests through Lee. He said he helped get Steven Tyler and a bunch of acts for the birthday show. Sal said he met Lee years ago when he came back to meet him and Richard. Howard said he doesn't know that any of them should be going to the show for free. Sal said he agrees.
Sal said he thinks Gary is taking too much. Gary said he pays to go see a lot of shit. He said Sal is counting his money. Gary said that Jason went to a show the other night. He said Steve Brandano did too. He asked why Sal doesn't go off on them. Sal said they're ding it for business. Gary said he is too.
Sal said he thinks Gary needs to slow it down a bit. He said no one else is doing what Gary is doing. Gary said Sal is imagining what he's doing. He said he doesn't know what he's doing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Gary is being a pig. She hung up before she explained. Howard said she was done. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody.
Howard said he doesn't go to one show. Gary said Sal said he wasn't going to take tickets but he did take tickets. Sal said then he brought up the parking thing and he found out that Gary had the VIP pass.
Howard said Sal thinks Gary is hoarding Comic-Con tickets. Gary said he doesn't have any. Gary said everyone thinks he has access to this stuff and he doesn't. He said he doesn't call anyone for this stuff. Robin said Gary does have to network. Sal said Gary goes to a ton of Bruce Springsteen concerts and he still hasn't done the show. Gary said he pays for those tickets. He said he's gotten them free a couple of times but not every time. Sal said it's 90 percent free stuff.
Gary said imagine that a guy who got free tickets is complaining about the price of parking. He said people ha to pay for the tickets and the parking. Sal said Gary was pushing it in his face about getting free parking and food. Gary said he wasn't bragging. He said it was for people who were comped.
Gary said Sal brags about piss porn and stuff and then he gets freaked out about his kids. He said that Sal started that app about the massage parlor thing and now he's freaking out saying that it wasn't sexual. Sal said he's getting older and he's looking at things differently. Sal said that Gary had a girl squirt in his eye so do his kids know about that. Gary said that stuff is out there but it's not stuff he did. Sal said Gary gets so defensive. He said Howard is trying to teach him. Howard said he's not teaching, Sal is.
Howard said Sal is upset about Gary getting free stuff and taking advantage of the show. Gary asked if they should all share. Gary said he's networking. Howard asked if Sal should be networking. Gary said no. He said that he doesn't want him representing the show.
Howard asked if it's true that Sal will not have a cock fight not he show because his son is graduating high school. Sal said he said yes to the cock fight. He said that they discussed it in the meeting and he's going to do it.
Howard took a call from a woman whose phone was cutting out. Howard said that she has a bad phone connection. Howard asked why everyone has a bad phone connection. He said the phones in this country are the worst. Howard hung up on her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he usually doesn't agree with Gary but this one time he does. He said that Gary deserves it for being around so long and doing so much work. He said Sal hasn't been there that long. Howard said when free stuff comes in they try to distribute it to the staff. Howard said he tries to give it all to the guys when they get free stuff. Howard said he should give that stuff to the guys who work hard around there. He said he can see Sal's side of it too. Gary said that does happen.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Sal is obsessed with Gary and he thinks that he can do as good a job as Gary. Howard said he might be right. He said that he's not sure how Sal's life is affected by Gary not having to pay for parking. Sal said it doesn't affect him but he should be more sensitive about it.
Howard said he has another story about a VIP who was up there and he had his family with him and the guy had a 6 year old with him. Jason said the kid said to him ''Hey, you're cool fat boy.'' Jason asked if he said what he thought he said and he repeated it. Howard said the kid was very affected by the death of Don Rickles. Howard said it's wild that a 6 year old would feel entitled to do that. Howard said they have to get that kid buckled down. Jason said it's not the first or last time he'll be called fat by a child. He said kids are honest. Jason said the kid calling him fat isn't the reason he'll go on a diet. Howard asked if it stings when a kid does that. Jason said he feels stupid for thinking he said anything other than ''fat boy.'' Jason said both kids were very precocious. Howard said he doesn't know this guy but he wonders if he brings the kid to work and lets him boss around other people.
Jason said the 9 year old was giving everyone nicknames. He said he was calling one person ''back office baby'' because they look like baby. Howard said it's like Problem Child. Howard asked if the cleaning woman is doing a good job raising these kids. Jason said the parents are lovely people. Howard said they need his father to come around and talk to them. Howard said he called his father a schmuck once and his father would have killed him if he caught him. He said he went into a bathroom and locked himself in there.
Howard asked what's going on with this fucking guy. Jason said he wrote and apologized to him saying they were jet lagged. Jason said it was fun and different. Jason said he's not sure what they did about it but they didn't stop them from doing that stuff. Jason said he was honored to give the guy a tour.
Howard said that his mom had him under control when he was a kid. He said his dad never had to hit him. He said his mom would beat him with a stick. Jason said he got kicked so he knows. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Jason said that kids are honest and they call you out on that stuff. Robin said he doesn't need to be abused for that when he's giving a tour.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Sal is a total buffoon. He said they've watched Gary go from a young, awkward kid to a talky yenta.
Howard took another call from a guy who said these guys have to do some repeating because they're taking free stuff from the show. Howard said he has to tell you something. He said people accuse him of being a dick but the way he would run stuff is that no one gets free anything unless it's brought to the attention of supervisors. Howard said he doesn't want anyone owing anyone favors. He said he'd like to see some of these things distributed but Gary has to do business too. He said Gary does network and meet people.
Gary said he wants to make a point about this. He said that the guy who invited him... Howard cut him off and said that they're going to be known as the show where people shake you down and use you. Gary said they don't do that. He said he wants to explain this one thing. Howard asked how Sal is offered free stuff. Gary said he's not sure about that.
Gary said the people who own the Nassau Coliseum owns the Barclay center. He said that they network and they wanted him to see the Nassau Coliseum so they can book people on the show. The caller said the whole audience feel asleep listening to that explanation. Gary said Sal was laughing in the hall and he told him it's not funny. He said Sal said he was kidding around but he's not. He said Sal thinks he doesn't hear what goes on around there. Sal said that he wants to start laying it straight. Sal said the first thing out of Gary's mouth was ''You're a dick Sal.'' He said that's when he said what he said. Sal said he told Gary he did not undermine his work. Gary said that's not what he said. He said he was just joking around. Sal said that didn't happen.
Howard asked if anyone on his staff likes each other. He said he knows Sal bad mouths Gary all the time. He said everyone should come in and tell him how Sal bad mouths him.
Sal said that Gary is making him come out like the king of glom when he's not. Gary said Sal is making it sound like he doesn't get a lot of free stuff. Sal said he doesn't go around bragging about it. He said Gary does. He said that he didn't tell anyone about the tickets. Sal said Gary asked how he got the tickets and he told him. Sal said he doesn't tell people that he gets the tickets for free. Gary said he doesn't either.
Gary said they do spread around the free stuff. He said some of the guys get to go to screenings for movies and stuff. Gary said if Jason and Steve go they're all booking people. He said Sal is just taking free shit. Sal said he got him now get back to work.
Gary said everyone knows what's going on there. The caller said it sounds like Sal is out of control. Gary said that there's one guy who is irritated by it. Howard asked if Gary got any bookings at Nassau Coliseum. Gary said not that night but they might have someone they might get booked on the show because of that relationship.
Howard asked what Billy Joel's part is in this. He said he wants to know how he's involved. Robin said that this isn't work. She said that all of this cross talk isn't work. She said it's not work to talk about your coworkers there. She said Gary seems to be like a lightning rod.
Gary said he's the one who says ''no'' and they don't like that person. Robin said it sounds like it's us against Gary there. Sal said she has no idea. Sal said what comes around goes around. Robin asked if that was meant for her. Sal said no. He said he's done plenty for Gary too. Gary said that's true. He said he had to roast a guy and Sal wrote some jokes. Sal said he didn't say no to that. Sal said Gary does nice things for him too. He said the parking thing just didn't seem right to rub it in his face.
Howard said Ronnie is in the hall bragging about how he buys his own cock rings and he's not sure what that has to do with this. Gary said he thinks he's been sent some cock rings. Howard said he doesn't get what that cock ring is even for. Fred said it keeps you inflated.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it puts Gary in a bad position when he takes free stuff. Howard said he's happy to stay home. He said he's not sure why these guys are busy going places. He said he doesn't want to owe people anything. Robin said all of that great music he has wouldn't be out there if people didn't want to go see other people.
Howard said his parents are a trip. He said he was driving out to Long Island the other day and instead of telling her that he's on the way they just drop by. He said he'll give them 10 minutes warning. Howard said they eat at 4:30 and they get in their jammies around 6. Howard said his mother tells him that they go to bed at 9. Howard said the other day he calls from the Long Island Expressway and he can't get there at 4. He said that traffic was crazy. He said he told his mom he was on the road and he gets there at 4 usually but he'll get there around 4:30. He said he wants to just check in and say hi. Howard said she says that she has to talk to his father. Howard did his impression of her talking to Ben and Ben tells him not to come. Howard said his mom gives him the news and she hangs up. Howard said she turns down a visit. Howard said Beth turned to him and said she's so sorry. Howard said he feels sorry for them. He said his dad is 94 and his mom is about to turn 90. He said they don't have that much time left. Howard said people aren't happy to see him. He said they really don't want to see him. He said this has shaped his whole world. He said people don't enjoy other people. Robin said they do though. Howard said his mom and dad had to eat at 4:30.
Gary said the biggest fights he had with his mother was about not visiting enough. Howard said he doesn't have that problem. He did an impression of his dad saying that they just saw him last year.
Robin said she's never heard of parents turning down a visit like that. Gary said he's laughing but it's really not funny. Howard said it is kind of funny. Robin said she's never heard a story like that before.
Howard said he has the host of Cock Talk on the phone. His name is Dave Davidson. Howard took the call and talked to Dave for a short time. Then he said the other show he's trying to sell is The Wack Pack roasts George Clooney. He played a bit that the guys created with the Wack Pack roasting Clooney. Howard said that would be so great. He said imagine all of the free tickets Gary would get from that.
Howard played the call where they had clips of him asking about shitting and this guy Gary was responding and telling him that he was going to have to service his hole and stuff like that. They had Howard asking the shit questions and Gary telling him he'd have to lick it off. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said those guys were so good. He asked Fred why Soundgarden broke up. Fred said he doesn't know. Howard sang along with the song. Fred had clips of Robin singing and Benjy screaming over the song.
Howard was wondering about some of the lyrics about washing away the rain. Howard got a note saying they just announced a North American tour. Howard said they should go to that show... for free. Howard said he doesn't want the guys thinking he would pay for the tickets.
Howard said he's been working on a song with Fred. Howard said he's trying to make his lyrics make sense but he doesn't need to. Robin said most songs don't need to make sense. Howard said there are plenty of songs that don't make sense. Robin said Smokey Robinson has written some great songs but he also wrote ''Do the monkey'' and she sang some of that to Howard.
Howard said he wrote a song about OCD. Fred said the lyrics are very dark. Howard said he and Fred are meeting tomorrow to write a hit song. He said they're trying to do a pop song so he can be big like Justin Bieber. He wants to be on stage and have the young chicks into him.
Howard asked if the Spice Girls movie was the worst one ever made. Howard said he tried to watch it and it was horrible. Howard said he was in it and played Witchy Spice. He said it was called Spice World. He said it's got to be one of the worst movies ever made. He said they used to call him Jewy Spice. Robin said she has never seen even one frame of that movie.
Howard said he loves reading about Mel B and all of this stuff she was going through. Howard said he doesn't like that she was beaten but it's interesting to read about. Howard said they had a nanny who was really good looking. Howard said she was gorgeous. Howard said they had threesomes with her according to the reports. Howard said it's something else. He said he was following that and the bombing in Syria. Howard said he watches all of the news shows and what they have to say about that. Howard said most people seem to agree with the bombings. Robin said that we only knock things down and flatten people with that. Robin said maybe get to the real problem and make it go away. Howard said that's a little unrealistic. Robin said it's not and we'd have to concentrate on it.
Howard asked how Robin would get this guy General Assad under control. Robin said that history has led us to the same thing over and over again. Howard said he knows that but you'd have to be dealing with rational people to get them under control. Robin said they can't deal with lunatics. Howard asked if they could have gotten Hitler under control by talking to him. Robin said you can't talk to the lunatics. Robin said you talk to the reasonable people. Robin said bombing never works. Robin said we're still bombing people and they haven't figured it out yet. Howard asked what she would do in Syria. Robin said they have to deal with the problem and not just bomb them away. Robin said we do business with these people and leave them in power.
Howard asked Robin how she would handle Syria. Robin said you'd have to go in and use ground troops to remove this guy. Robin said we have a president who says he doesn't want to deal with regime change. Howard said she's all for removing the guy but not bombing. Robin said they don't have to bomb or wait for someone to be gassed. Gary said there are a lot of people who think if they do remove Assad the alternative would be worse. Robin said bombing is a short term thing. Robin said people suffer and people continue to deal with this stuff. Robin said this requires people actually caring.
Robin said that it would take caring about the people and how every human being lives on earth. Robin said it's not just about us.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about this. He said he thinks he has a clear solution. He said that maybe they can shrink Syria and put it in a bottle like Kandor. Howard said maybe they can go back and kill Assad as a baby to prevent all of this. Robin said she doesn't think that will work. Gary asked if it's our job to police Syria. Robin said they should be involved in every human being's life. Robin said if you close your eyes to it this stuff doesn't go away.
Howard said Robin can't solve Gary and Sal's battle and now she's trying to fix this. Robin said she did fix Gary and Sal because they're not talking. Howard said he did that by sending them out.
Howard said there was a king in Syria and this fucking guy whose name was Hafez al-Assad and he put his son in power. He said now Bashir Assad is in power now. He said he got like 100 percent of the votes. Howard said their world is run by this fucking maniac. He said he's supported by Russia and Iran now. Howard said the people who are trapped there can't do anything. Howard said now this guy is gassing his own people. Howard asked what they're supposed to do about this because if you remove the guy from power you don't know what will replace him.
Howard said the refugees there are our responsibility. He said it wouldn't be a bad idea to take some of them in and help them out. Robin said that Trump was upset to see babies dying from the gas but he won't let them come here. Howard said that he likes a show that goes from Fag Master Gary to this discussion.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back and they did a bit where the guy was calling from Syria and complaining about $80 parking charges.
Howard took a call from a guy whose name was Courtney. Howard said he figured it was a woman but it's a guy. The guy said he was named after Cortland Apples. Howard said he hates to break it to his parents but Courtney is a woman's name. Courtney said he was conceived in an apple orchard. Howard said Fag Master Gary should get in touch with his parents. Howard asked what he can do for Courtney. Courtney said he lives in California and he's visiting his parents in New York. He said his dad is in a nursing facility. He said most of the nurses are black or Asian. Howard said that his greatest victory in life is that most old people are surrounded by black people. He said this is what he's been waiting for. He said that he grew up in a neighborhood where they had mostly black people. He said it destroyed his life. Howard said every white person moved out of the neighborhood. Howard said he used to think about how great it is that people who moved out of the black neighborhoods are now surrounded by black people in the nursing home. Howard said it's great. Howard said as they sit there with their phony liberalism they're dealing with Karma. Howard said fuck these whites.
Howard said he always giggles when he sees these white people being wheeled around by black people. He said he's waited a long time to see that. Howard thanked Courtney for the call.
Howard played a clip of an old lady at a nursing home that Wolfie went to. He had audio of an old lady calling President Obama a monkey and things like that.
Howard said Erik also talked about gaining weight after Joey Boots' death. Erik said it was a wake up call for him when Joey died but he has gained weight. Howard said Erik might get his stomach stapled and they'll see what happens.
Howard said he wants to mention an anniversary that people might be excited about. He said it' the 10th anniversary of this... He played a clip of Richard Simmons yelling ''Gary!?'' Howard said his mother asked about Richard Simmons the other day. He said that he tried to tell her what he's up to with his disappearance. Howard said his brother announced he's just done with going in public.
Howard said he told his mother that Richard just wants to be left alone and she laughed. Howard said he tried to talk to her about it but she kept asking questions and laughed. Howard said he doesn't hear from Richard anymore and his mom asked why. He said he just wants to be left alone. Howard said he told her he doesn't know why he wants to be left alone. He said this goes on and on.
Howard said this is the 10th anniversary of Richard calling out for Gary to help him. Howard asked if Robin knows where this comes from. Robin said she doesn't remember. Howard had a clip from the show where Richard Simmons was on and he asked a sexual question and Richard called out for Gary over and over. Howard said it's the 10 year anniversary of that clip.
Howard said Richard had the strangest sounds come out of him. He said this is the first time they heard his classic laugh. Howard played a clip and that was from 30 years ago. He was talking about making love and talking about Howard's parents making love. Richard was talking to Howard's mom on the phone and let out that weird laugh.
Howard said that's from 30 years ago. He asked if that's really how long ago it was. Robin said it seems like it was just yesterday.
Howard played another clip of Richard Simmons letting out a long ''Maaaan'' comment. It was from long ago when Richard came in smelling of perfume and saying that Howard was smelling Man.
Howard had another clip of Richard singing. Howard said this was an attempt to focus for Richard. Howard said it was hard for him to focus and that's what he did to try and focus. Howard said that's the same noise he makes when he cums.
Howard played more of the Richard clips and said that was a bit of a primer for the history of those clips. Howard said maybe Richard has quieted down lately. He had a Richard Simmons song to play after that. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said Richard Simmons is on the phone. Howard picked up and had Sour Shoes doing his Richard impression. Sour did his laugh and had Richard hiding from his maid. He had him doing his Yoga Pilates too. He let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that the parents who let their kid call Jason fat are so wrong. Howard said that was 3 hours ago. Mariann also brought up Mel B and how hard she must have had it with that husband of hers. Howard said he heard that she's walking around on cloud nine now that she's done with that. Robin said she heard Simon Cowell had to jump in on that. Howard said yeah, he's a knight in shining armor. Howard said that he's a regular moral compass. He said if Columbus had to rely on that compass he never would have found America. Howard said that guy doesn't jump in on anything. He said he's just an opportunist. Howard said that guy wanted to step in and went behind his back about that. Howard said he told him not to believe what he read in the paper. He said that guy jumps on other people's pussy and other people's jobs.
Robin said she heard that Simon was jumping into that whole thing helping her get a lawyer or something. Howard said that guy is such a fucking douche bag. He said he's just telling you the facts. He said he was done with America's Got Talent but the dude was plotting the whole time. He said Simon called his agent asking to talk to him but his agent turned him away. He said he doesn't need to talk to him about that.
Robin said she remembered something about Simon seeing bruises on Mel B's arms and he stepped in and said something. Howard said that guy is a such a liar. He said to his face that it wasn't true but they found the emails in the Sony hack.
Howard said it's time for some news. Fred played her into it with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin started off talking about these people who enter lotteries with multiple people. Robin said in Ft. Lauderdale a man says he is out of the jackpot at a casino. Robin said he asked a friend to press the button for luck and she hit the button and the bells and whistles went off and it said he was a winner. Robin said the woman won the money. Howard said there is no such thing as good luck. He said of course she won. Howard said the law is that whoever hits the button is the technical winner of the money. Robin said it's also the person who bought the lottery ticket that gets the money. Gary said in this case the guy used his own money. Robin said he had his game card in the machine. Howard said it's whoever hit the button. Robin said she claims it was her money. Robin said she does say she offered to split it with him and he went ballistic over it so he's getting nothing now. Robin said the casino is giving her the money. Howard said there's no such thing as good luck so don't ask anyone to do that. He said steer clear of everyone.
Robin said with all of this FOX News stuff going on the question about what to call women comes up. Robin said Mayim Bialik did a video about how we should get rid of the term ''girl'' when it comes to women. Robin had some audio of what Mayim had to say about that. She said a friend called a woman at a bar a ''girl'' and this annoyed her. Howard said that we have to stop with this. He said this is crazy. Howard said you have to be kidding. Howard said he says ''Hi boys'' when he gets to work. He said this is stupid. Robin said it's not stupid. Robin said they have to stop it with the girl thing. Howard said he's heard Robin say that she's going out with the girls. Robin said she's going to stop now.
Robin read about how FOX News has hired a law firm to handle the harassment claims they've had lately. Howard said one of the girls, or women, got 9 million from Bill O'Reilly.
Robin read a story about how Glenn Beck is being sued over being fired from his show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Fred can play some Jackie laughing during the news. Howard asked Fred if he can do that. Robin said for old time's sake. Fred said he'll work that in. He said he may have done it last week at some point but he'll try it again today. Howard said he'll try to make that happen at the appropriate time.
Robin read a story about the death of Casey Anthony's child and how there's a new program about the investigation on the Discovery network. Fred threw in a Jackie laugh at the end of that story.
Robin read a story about Chuck Berry and how he was buried this weekend. Robin said his funeral was this weekend in St. Louis. Robin said not a lot of people showed up to his funeral. Robin said it wasn't all that star studded. Howard said all of those guys loved him though. Robin said a lot of people sent flowers but didn't show up. Howard said that people just tweet now and that's enough. Robin said that Gene Simmons was there and she had some audio of him. Howard said Chuck would be so bummed that Gene is the only famous guy who showed up. Robin said his grand kids also performed at the funeral.
Howard said he and Beth binge watched ''This is Us'' and it's their favorite show. Howard said they love it. Robin said that's not her cup of tea. Howard said he has some tape of Chuck Berry's grand kids performing at the funeral. Fred played a song parody to the tune of a ''Johnny B Goode.'' Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Trump ordering his first military action in Syria. Robin said Brian Williams was on the air at that moment and he started waxing poetic about our missiles. Howard said he heard about that and he thought about how odd that guy is. Robin said he was taken off of NBC and put on MSNBC. Robin had some audio of him talking about how beautiful the missiles were. Howard said he's not sure that's how he'd talk about our weapons. Howard said he thinks after he saw his daughter's ass getting eaten on TV he just went berserk.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said Fred did the Jackie laugh last week and no one even paid attention to it. He said he was laughing out loud. Howard said it's a lot funnier if you just let it go. Ralph said he just imagines the casual listener tuning in at that moment.
Howard said he gets so much email about Ralph and how they don't want him on the show. Ralph said he gets a lot of tweets that are the opposite. Howard had some email that he read through about JD's wedding and Ralph calling in during that segment. Howard read through a few of those and one guy said he had to turn the radio off. Another person said that Ralph has to be the worst person to call into the show. Ralph just laughed. Howard kept reading and someone said he wouldn't put up with anyone else doing this. Howard read another one from someone who said he brings the show to a screeching stop. Howard said he had 3 that didn't and one that did like him.
Robin said it was last week when she was doing a story about the gassing of Syria when Fred played the Jackie laugh.
Robin read a story about how Alec Baldwin played both Bill O'Reilly and Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Howard said that was good. Howard played some audio of Baldwin doing his O'Reilly character. Howard wondered what's going on with Bill over at FOX. He wondered if he's seeing someone to help him out. Robin said she thinks that he has said he is a target because of the position he's in. Robin said Louis C.K. was the host of Saturday Night Live and he did a great job. Robin and Howard continued to talk about Bill O'Reilly and what they think he has to do to get out of this mess he's in.
Robin read about how Donald Trump is getting praise from both sides of the aisle this week. Robin had some audio of Lindsay Graham talking about how the bombings were good for him. Robin said that some people think this was a good thing but others are laying the blame of the gas attack on Trump. Robin had audio of John McCain talking about that.
Robin read a story about how some people were wondering what our policy on Assad is. Robin said that they're wondering if it's ISIS first or Assad first. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard read some email about Wing Bowl and how some people didn't enjoy that. Howard read a few emails from people who were talking about the racist comments and about Wolfie's coverage. Howard said a couple of people weighed in on the best interviews he's done. Howard said someone said Martha Stewart. Howard said Adam Levine got some good feedback for his phony phone call. Howard said a lot of fans liked the Gary vs. Shuli fight. Howard said someone said they're listening to it over and over again. Howard said some people are treating that fight like a song and listening to it over and over. Howard said he had a lot of feedback about JD's wedding and who should be invited to it. He read through a bunch of those emails too. Howard said people are wondering why JD was being so secretive about his wedding too. Howard said some guy was issued about how few details JD is giving about the wedding. Robin said JD doesn't remember the past. Robin said he's rewriting history and doesn't recall where he came from.
Howard read an email from a guy who said JD should hand out spoons to the people he's inviting and when he runs out the rest of the staff aren't invited. Howard said he likes that. Howard said someone asked if he's going bald too. He said his hair might be receding. Howard asked JD if he's okay with handing out the spoon thing. JD said people will find out when they find out. Howard asked if his fiancee squashed that bit. JD said it was a mutual thing. JD said both of them don't want their wedding to be a bit. Robin asked if they don't want it to be a joke. Robin laughed. Howard asked if she doesn't want any joking around. JD said it's both of them. Howard said they're getting word that the fiancee has squashed all of the bits. Howard said JD is wearing a dress today. Howard played a JD song parody.
Howard said JD's favorite food is stuffing. Howard said he doesn't get that anymore. He only gets vegetables. JD said she's a good cook. Robin asked what his new favorite food is. JD said he likes her sweet potato fries. Gary said he walks a lot more now and she might be working on slimming him down. Howard asked if JD's hair is thinning. JD said he doesn't know. Gary said he does have a full head of hair but it might be receding. Gary said he thinks he has a full four fingers of forehead. Howard asked if anyone got cut from the wedding list over the weekend. JD said there is no list. He said it's not anything written yet. Howard asked if some people are on the cusp of being kicked out or getting in. JD said there have a size limit they're trying to keep. Robin asked what it is. JD said it's 30. Robin said that's severe. Howard said he won't be going so don't invite him. He said he can invite him or not he'll still send a gift. JD said they're still figuring it out.
Howard asked if the fiancee was pissed at anyone last week. JD said they just don't want a bit happening. Howard asked why he can't announce the guys who are invited in a Bachelor style thing. JD said he doesn't want to get into that. Robin said he can only hand out like 2 spoons if only 30 people are going. They played another song parody about JD. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read as story about a US navy strike group heading toward North Korea. Robin read about how things are heating up around the world after the Syrian strike.
Howard took another call from Ralph who said that JD wouldn't have this girl if it wasn't for this show. He said he's not playing along at all. Howard said that's the way it goes. Ralph said they can't forget where it call came from. Ralph said JD doesn't want it to be a joke but meanwhile JD is with a hot chick. He laughed.
Howard said Sour Shoes does an impression of Ralph. He picked up on Sour and had him do the impression. He had the laugh down great. Howard asked to hear Ralph's laugh. Ralph told him to say something funny. Sour did his impression of Ralph saying ''That's great.'' Howard said that's pretty good. Howard said he's sure that Ralph and Benjy aren't invited to that wedding. Ralph said it would be so great if he just revealed each person who was invited one day. Ralph laughed. Then Sour laughed as Ralph. Ralph said that's amazing. Ralph asked what his best impression is. Howard said it's Gary. Sour went right into his Gary impression and did that talking about Sal. He had Howard cracking up. Sour did a Sal impression too. Howard said they can't all be winners. Howard let Ralph and Sour go a short time later. Ralph did his Eric the Actor impression before Howard could hang up.
Robin read a story about a guy who is being sought after because he's said he wants to hurt law enforcement officials and politicians. Howard said Sour Shoes should perform at JD's wedding. He said that would be great entertainment.
Robin read a story about a 12 year old kid who has done cancer research and won an award for that. Robin said he's doing research into antioxidant's.
Howard said JD says he's going to have 30 people at the wedding and that means only 15 guests on each side. Howard asked if JD knows 15 people better than he does on the show. Howard asked how many he'll be able to invite. JD said if it's 3 then it has to be that. Howard asked who the 3 would be. JD said he's not getting into all of that. Howard said he should put his foot down and say he wants to have 10 of his friends. Howard asked if he has any friends outside of the show. JD said he has acquaintances. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that with JD.
Robin read about how Boss Baby crushed the Smurfs in the box office this weekend. Robin also said that Bradley Cooper and his wife had their first child over the weekend. Howard said the kid has to be perfect looking with those two. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the big news he read in the paper about Caitlyn Jenner cutting his cock off. Robin said that would be ''her'' now that her cock is gone. Howard said it was on the first page of the Post today. Howard said this is the best page of the NY Post ever. He said they have a giant poster of Kristen Stewart walking with her lesbian girlfriend. Howard said they're both in shorts and sneakers. He said Kristen has a shirt showing under boob. He said she's fucking adorable and her girlfriend is even more adorable. Howard said he would pay money to see them get it on. Robin said that's disgusting. Howard said there's a misconception that there are lipstick lesbians running around. He said he was told they look like regular women. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said they look hard core. Robin asked how many people look like that. Robin said one is a model and one is an actress. Howard said they look like two unicorns. He said it's a sexy picture. Howard said people were talking about how their legs were too skinny and he was like ''shut up, don't ruin my good time.'' Howard said that's a great poster for lesbianism. He said that's the cutest thing he's ever seen.
Howard read about Kristen and her girlfriend Stella. Howard said Kristen was celebrating her 27th birthday. Fred saw the picture and said he wishes he could be a part of that celebration. Howard said they're so hot. He said you can see titty.
Howard said on the same page is an article on how Caitlyn Jenner cut her cock off. Caitlyn did it back in January according to the article. Howard said she writes about that in her upcoming memoir. Howard read more of the article and they say that she had her penis removed and she feels liberated now. Howard did his impression of Caitlyn and Robin said he isn't masculine enough. Howard said they have a comedian who does a great impression of her. He said it's Kyle Dunnigan. Howard said he recorded some stuff for them recently. Howard played a clip of Kyle doing his Caitlyn Jenner and Donald Trump impressions in a song. Howard said now those two can finally bang.
Howard said Caitlyn waited until her show was canceled to cut her cock off. He said she should have done it while it was on the air. That could have kept it on the air.
Howard wondered what they do with the cock when they cut it off. Robin said she thought they inverted it. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard read more about Caitlyn's operation and why she did it. She said it has no special gifts or use for her. Howard said she feels more honest about who she is now.
Howard said now she's going to date Fred. Fred said he would do that for the show. Howard said he's sure Richard would do that.
Howard said Shuli took full paternity leave when his wife had one of their kids. Howard said now they have Peturnity too for pets. Howard said it would be great if they mixed that up with Caitlyn's surgery and Shuli had his cock chopped off.
Howard said when you have a vasectomy some people think you have a dry orgasm. Howard said he wants to know if it's true because some people say you still have fluid. Howard asked Shuli to come in. Shuli said you still have stuff. He said right after the procedure you do. He said you have to ejaculate 20 times and then you go back and get tested.
Howard asked Shuli why he didn't do this during a week when they weren't live on the air. Shuli said he did it when they weren't live on the air. Shuli said he wanted to get it done so he doesn't have a third kid. He said he ejaculated yesterday. He said he had it done last Thursday. He said he was told he could blast one out on Sunday but he waited. He said his left ball got kind of big but he didn't blow up too big.
Shuli said his kids wanted to jump on his lap when he got home. He said that's why he wanted to get this done. He said he's heard about people's horror stories about this. He said one guy had his balls blow up to the size of a tennis ball and he had to turn around and go right back.
Shuli said that Dr. Fisch did the operation and he's really good at this. Howard asked if it's weird to have him do the operation. Shuli said it is kind of strange when the guy has to shave him after he did a radio show with him for 2 years.
Howard asked if he was unconscious. Shuli said they give you a cocktail and then they put you under. He said that's the last thing he remembers. He wasn't in pain at all. He said he was on a planet that was beautiful. He said about 24-48 hours later you start to feel it. He said if he has to bend down the pain is bad. He said you wake up right away. He said the pain is almost gone now. He said it's a tender area.
Howard said he thinks he's turned off to this. Shuli said this went perfect from what he's heard. He said it couldn't have gone better. Robin asked if it hurt when he shot his first load. Shuli said not at all. Howard asked if he told his wife he was going to shoot off a load. Shuli said she doesn't care. He said he brought home paperwork to show her saying he has to get 20 loads out of him before he goes back for testing.
Howard said he heard he was peeing blood for a month before the operation. Shuli said he was. He said something got caught in his throat and he coughed really hard. He said he was peeing at the time. He said something got in his throat and he coughed and then the pee shoots out like a laser. He said it stung and the next day he pissed and there was blood in his urine. He said Dr. Fisch told him that he's never heard of anything like that. He said he irritated something down there.
Howard said he's never heard of that. Robin said she hasn't either. She said he's a medical miracle. Howard said Dr. Fisch must be sick of seeing his cock.
Howard said Shuli took off 30 days for paternity. He said Jason checked his Xbox and found out he was playing games and watching Netflix the whole time. Howard asked why he'd take 30 days off from this job. Howard said this job isn't like working in a factory. He said the job he would love is a job on the airline where you get to haul people off. Howard said he wants to be the guy who drags people out.
Shuli said that he got to see people pulled off like that when he worked at the airport in Vegas. Howard said the guy they pulled off the United airlines flight yesterday sounded like Benjy. Howard played a clip and the guy was screaming like Benjy.
Howard said he doesn't want to be kicked off and airline but if 3 or 4 guys come to him and tell him to leave he's not going to have them drag him off. Robin said his head hit the armrest. Robin said if he had walked off he'd be fine. Howard played the screaming clip again. Fred played Benjy's scream too. Howard said the airlines are so bad now.
Howard had Shuli's Xbox information from when he was off. Howard said he played FIFA and got some badge on Xbox for that.
Howard said it's the worst feeling to not be able to get where you want to go on an airline. Howard said he's not sure why they can't plan this out in advance. Robin said they had to get people who work for the airline on the plane. Howard said how about holding 5 seats for the personnel. Shuli said that on one is on the same page. Howard said there should be a law that says they have to keep 5 empty seats.
Howard said his parents went to Israel once when he was a kid and they got bumped and it ended up in a lawsuit. Howard said it was very traumatic. He said they were stuck in Israel and he was thrilled about it. Howard said he got to stay at a friend's house. He said he was fine with that.
Howard said the guys in Lynrd Skynrd didn't scream as much as this guy did. Howard said the guy should have just gotten the fuck off the plane. He said he heard that the guys from the airline had to get to their next destination and it was only a 4 hour drive. Howard said now they have a huge customer relations nightmare. He said the Chinese are talking about boycotting them and they're a huge user of the airline. Howard said that guy put up a stink. Howard said Caitlyn Jenner made less noise losing her cock. Howard said he loves when Sal said ''My cock is my life.'' Fred was playing ''My cock is gone'' clips from Sal.
Howard said he watched porn last night that was so good. He said this girl in it was really hot. He said she was more than porn hot. He said this girl talks to her step mother and the daughter is in short shorts and looks like Kristen Stewart in her outfit. Howard said this girl asks if all vaginas look the same and asks her step mom to look at it. He said this chick had a smoking hot body. He said her vagina was perfect. He said it wasn't weird at all. He said the mom shows the daughter her vagina and she's showing it while the daughter takes off her shirt and asks if her boobs are too small. Howard said the step mom shows how to masturbate. She fingers her and starts assisting. Then the daughter has an orgasm for the first time. Howard said the mom sees that the boyfriend had been spying on them. He said she tells him to come over and fuck the step daughter. He said the boyfriend starts fucking her and the mom helps out with the daughter being dry by spitting on her vagina. Howard said he didn't see much more after that. He finished. He said he'd recommend that porn but he doesn't know what it's called.
Howard said as soon as he's done he's disgusted with himself and he turns it off. He said he thought he was getting better with his therapy but he must not be. Howard said you're only supposed to bring up your problems and this doesn't seem like a problem. He said it's crazy that he's beating off to this kind of thing.
Howard said he's echoing. He said he'll have to fix that during the break. It was Robin's microphone causing the problem.
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Howard played the audio of that one and the woman was yelling that she was going to tell the cops that he hit her. She screamed at the guy when he said he was going to pull over. Howard said she was going crazy. The woman told her to call her man and tell him what's going on. The driver said she can call the cops and she said she was going to tell them he raped her. Shuli said when she got out of the car she poured her drink on the floor. Howard said the poor guy is just trying to make a living.
Howard had the clip of this woman freaking out about her flight being delayed and yelling about her kid not going to Disney. Howard said meanwhile there are mothers pulling their kids out of the rubble in Syria. Howard let the clip play and the woman was screaming about them lying to her about the flight.
Howard said he has a drunk preppie dude who brags about his IQ and the money he has. He said he even brags about his vision. Howard played that one and the guy was telling someone to eat shit and die when she told him to shut up. He said he's 28 and makes 4 million a year and he has a 176 IQ. He said he owns six houses and 20/20 vision. He was doing this while walking off a plane.
Howard said they should dig up the Wright brothers and show them what they did. He said they invented the plane and this is what it comes down to. Robin said this is really sad. She said this is how congress operates too.
Howard had a clip of a guy verbally abusing his Uber driver. Howard played that clip and the guy said that no one gives a shit about him and fuck him. He told the guy to fuck off when he got out of the car. He said no one cares about him.
Howard said he has a million of these clips. He said this angry woman goes to a Subway sandwich shop and they don't have meatball subs and she flips out on the employees there. Howard said you can't hear it very well but it's a good one. Howard played the clip and the woman is telling them they should remove it from the menu if it's not available. Howard said they have a chart on the wall showing what they have.
Howard said Jason got into a fight at Subway over them not giving him extra mayo. Jason said they told him he had enough. Howard said Jason wanted more and they said he had enough. Jason said he barely put any on it and he asked for more and the guy said no. He said he just pushed his sandwich down the line. Jason said he just left and didn't push it.
Robin said Jon Hein says when he makes his special order he refuses to move away until it's done. Howard said he wants to make sure they don't put pickles on his burger. Shuli said he saw Jason in action in Amsterdam. He said he got an ice cream done with mayo on top. He said it has fries in it and you have to dig into it with your hands. Jason said it was so great. He said his hand was covered in mayonnaise.
Howard said Jon Hein will go to the fast food place and he'll refuse to move when he orders. He waits for his order to come through. Howard said he can't even make that screaming noise. He said it would be great to hear Jon scream like that. Shuli said Jon will refuse to move in the elevator. He said he just stands there and makes people walk around him. Howard said he always moves. He asked Jon if that's true. Jon said he is next to the buttons on the side. He said he won't move. He said they can move around him. Jon said he's standing there and there's room for everybody. Robin said he doesn't even like people in there with him.
Howard said his father is like that. He said he was in the building and this woman came over waiting for the elevator and he asked her where she's going. He said his dad let out a sigh. He said that there was plenty of room for all of them but he got steamed. Howard said they got in the elevator and there were two people in there and his dad asked who they were. He said his dad was steaming and did not like that. Howard said there was room but his father wanted to take a different elevator. Howard said he wasn't sure what he was doing.
Robin said Jon Hein used to have a system where he could make the elevator door close fast. She said now it's automated and it's not doing it. Howard said he hits the door closing button. Howard said they don't close any faster. Jon said they renovated the elevators there and it's awful now. Shuli said he's seen Jon wait for an elevator when there are too many people on it.
Jon said there are 8 elevators there and they share some floors with other people. He said he doesn't want to wait for the thing to stop at the NBC floors. Howard asked if he's saying that it will stop at NBC if there are no people there. Jon said no, it will stop at the 30th floor and go to 31 and then 32. He said that's the system's fault, not the people.
Jon said if he could change it he would have elevators dedicated to their floors and some for the other companies. Howard said he's saying have an express elevator and a local elevator. Robin said that way they won't disturb people who are going to the other floors.
Howard asked Jon about how he'd handle it if they have more people for the other floors. Jon said they could allocate and reallocate it for busy times for each company. Howard said maybe they could have an operator on the elevator. Jon said he's with his dad on the people in the elevator.
Jon said he will talk about how bad NBC shows are when they have NBC people in the elevator. He said if you're going up one floor then just take the steps. Jon said he does that when he goes up to 37. Gary said they have the stairs cut off so they have to take the elevator. He said someone complained about someone staring at him in the stairs. Gary said sometimes it takes 7-8 minutes to go up in the elevator.
Howard said some celebrity was upset about being seen in the town hall room and now they can't take the steps. Howard said it's some arrogant mother fucker. He said they have to stop doing that shit. Gary said they have a velvet rope in front of the steps. Howard said they can't do that. Shuli said they have security there to tell you to take the elevator. Howard said that asshole has to think back to high school when he wasn't famous.
Howard asked if it was an actor. Gary said it was a musician. Fred said they should have just spun the person around. Howard said whoever is in charge there has to stop with that. He said they have to let them walk up and down the steps. Gary said the whole office just applauded. Howard said they should put curtains up out there. Gary said it's just the people going up the steps.
Howard asked if it was the lead singer of Right Said Fred. Gary said it wasn't. Howard said it must be someone like Debbie Gibson. Gary said when he hears who it was he's going to be upset because Howard really likes this person.
Robin said that Jon claimed if you let the door close and you immediately hit the button that it would go right up to the floor. Howard said that he's not sure what she's talking about. Gary said that Jon used to joke around about the rules for Elevator club and how you don't talk about them.
Howard said that there are rules about walking on the sidewalk. He said you walk on the right and people insist on walking on the wrong side. Robin said there are no walking lanes. Howard said there are. Jon said he does the same in the elevator. He said that you walk out before people get on and sometimes people will try walking on first. He said he'll just walk into people as they're trying to get on. Jon said he hates it when people talk on their phones in the elevator. Howard said that's so rude. Howard said his daughter tells him about people in the subway who do that. He said that his daughters are cute and he wonders if the guys are talking about how much money they made and they are. He said that's the kind of guy who is trying to hit on them. Howard said he tells them not to date guys like that. He said they're so lucky that he's their father.
Howard said that sometimes he'll walk single file with his wife on the sidewalk. He said he's being nice about it. Robin said there are no rules for walking on the sidewalk. Robin said it's wrong to take up the whole sidewalk in a group of people though. Howard said Robin walks to the left thinking she's British. Shuli said she's just zigging and zagging all over the place. Howard said Robin likes to be British. He said people are a pain in the ass.
Howard said Robin has to stop that. Robin said she moves in the elevator. Jon said he is over to the side by the buttons and he's not moving. Jon said he's not moving. Howard asked Jon where he stands on the guy getting dragged off the plane. Jon said you have to get off the plane. He said everyone is in that lottery to get taken off. He said he should have gotten off. Howard said Gary once got pulled off and this other guy managed to stay on because he was with his kid. Gary said that guy stayed and he had to go. He said he told them they should have taken the guy and his kid off. Gary said he did get off the plane but he was pissed. Howard said the guy carried on and it's not cool. He said they should have a new law where they have to keep 5 seats open. He said that's the way it should be.
Howard said this tantruming thing is out of control. He said he has another clip of a guy getting pissed about getting bumped in Walmart. Howard played the clip and the guy was screaming about how he doesn't know who he is and he didn't apologize. He said he's going to have a short life. The other guy was saying he was sorry but the guy continued to freak out on him and threatened the guy.
Jon said on the subway once he saw a guy scream at another guy for taking his seat. He said you don't want to mess with people so they just apologize. Shuli said he had a guy threaten to spit on him for standing by the door on the subway. He said the guy was homeless and he told him to move his leg. Howard said they don't care and they'd rather be in jail. Shuli said the guy got ready to spit and everyone was getting their phones out to capture it all.
Howard said this guy got fired and he got on the intercom in the store and issued a statement. Shuli said he had a friend who did that. Howard said this guy was in a thrift store and he got his last check and started to curse on the intercom. Howard played that clip and the guy was saying that the other guys there were cunts. Howard said those are the guys who come in with a gun and kill everyone.
Howard said Sal just saw a guy downstairs spitting on women. Sal got on the intercom and said that this guy went up to a guy and started screaming at him. Then he runs out and a lady is walking down the hall and he spits right in her face. He said there was a security guard right there doing nothing. Howard said Sal did nothing as well. Sal said he observed it.
Howard said Shuli and Jason saw a woman get mugged and they did nothing. Shuli said he saw a woman beating the shit out of some tourists who took a picture of her. Jason said he's not sure if Shuli was there but they did see someone get mugged and they didn't do anything.
Shuli said in Vegas one night he saw a guy hitting a woman and he started yelling. He said both of them started hitting him for yelling at them. Shuli said that was his last time getting involved.
Howard said he once saw a woman and man fighting on the street and this woman had a board she hit the guy with. He said it was a 2x4 and he didn't want to get involved. Howard said he got on a pay phone and called 911 and told them what he saw. Howard said he told them they were on 106th street. He said they told him to call back if she started hitting him again. He said a few minutes later they both got up and left and things were fine.
Shuli said when he saw that fight going on he saw a kid nearby and he swears he felt the kid kicking him in the shins too.
Howard said Brent's fantasy is to put someone under a citizen's arrest. Brent came in and said that he has thought about that. He said that you hold the person on the ground under a citizen's arrest. He said he asked about how to do that. He said if you witness someone committing a felony you can do that. Robin said if it's a violent crime there's no way she's doing that. Brent said in Florida you can carry a gun so you can use the gun for that. Brent said if someone acts up on a plane then you can kick someone's ass. Brent said he's trained in some fighting styles and he wants to stop someone. Shuli said he has an angry streak in him. Howard said Brent might get his ass kicked. Brent had a kick boxing fight when he was on Bubba's show and he got knocked out in 39 seconds. Brent said he took a shin to the forehead.
Howard asked about how long he was out. Brent said maybe 10-20 seconds. Shuli said he had head gear on and it got spun around. Howard laughed when he heard the description of that. Brent said that people were disappointed that night but the comedy of taking about it made up for it. Brent said he trained for that fight for about a year. Brent said he was doing kick boxing and jiu jitsu for like a year to train. Brent said when you have a fight you have a pre-fight meeting and that was longer than the fight. He said the other guy was 6'4'' and he's only 5'11''. He said the guy was Howard's size but muscular. He said he had a long reach. Brent said he didn't know how big the guy was until he got there.
Howard asked if he had symptoms after that. Brent said he didn't feel right for a coupe of weeks after. He said he had a concussion. Shuli said he shares an office with Brent and he's still not right.
Howard said that he'd like to see Brent subdue someone on an airplane. Brent said he'd like to do that. Howard said he stands a chance doing that. It's not like a staged fight.
Howard asked how Bubba is doing. Brent said he hasn't spoken to him in a couple of months. Howard said he hasn't either. Brent said he's in a lawsuit with Neilson. He said they're suing him and he's counter suing. He said that the story is crazy.
Howard said Sour Shoes claims he does a Bubba impression. Howard picked up and had Sour doing his Bubba impression. Howard said it's not bad but not great. He had him do his Gary impression instead. Shuli said he does a good Elephant Boy impression too. Howard had him do that. Sour did both Gary and Elephant Boy impressions. He had Gary telling the story about Elephant Boy shitting his pants. He also talked about Jon taking the elevator and stopping at the ''nointh'' floor and the nointeenth floor, the twenty nointh floor and so on.
Sour was making more phone calls while he was on the line with Howard. He was trying to call Scott the Engineer. Howard said he gets on after all this time and that's what he's doing. Howard said he doesn't do that on other shows. He just sticks to one voice. Howard said on this show he keeps going with it.
Howard said Sour got on Adam Carolla's show and he did his Artie impression and Adam was fooled for like a half hour. That got Sour doing his Artie impression. Sour did the Artie impression and said he saw him on Boomer and Carton and Mike Francesa's show too. Shuli said he's been trying to get in touch with him for 2 weeks and he can't get him.
Howard said he can't believe he can't get Scott the Engineer. Gary said Scott is out today. Sour was trying to get through to his line but he gave up. Sour wanted to try another extension. Howard said Sour called Mel Karmazin once. He said that got him in trouble. Gary said he got yelled at so bad for that. Howard asked what Gary did. Gary said he just knew sour Shoes. He said Mel was pissed. He pretended to be a U.S. Senator and Mel thought he was talking to Al D'Amato. Sour did that impression for Howard and Howard had a talk with Senator Al.
Gary said the funny thing his that he was talking about sensitive subjects with the fake senator. Sour did his Ralph impression and then he went into King of All Blacks and then he went into Mad Dog Russo. Sour talked to Howard about the Masters as Mad Dog.
Howard spent a minute talking to Mad Dog and Shuli said that the little nuances he has make you forget that he's doing the impression. Sour did his Tan Mom impression too. Shuli did that along with him and they had dueling Tan Moms for a short time.
Howard said he has a clip from the Masters where guys yelled out Baba Booey. He played that clip and then one from another golf tournament. They had some nice loud Baba Booeys.
Howard said that he has someone on the line who calls himself Sourer Shoes. He picked up and the guy was doing what Sour does with the music and impressions. Howard said this is dueling lunatics. Sour was doing his thing and Sour was doing his. Howard let Sourer Shoes go.
Howard said he has audio of Sour doing his impression of Gary when he calls Mike Francesa. Howard said Sour is able to stay in that impression for those shows but not when he calls this show. Howard asked who he thinks is his best impression. Sour said he doesn't think they're all that good at all. Sour said he does Nicole Bass. He did some of that and it wasn't all that great. His Scott Ferrall is great so they had him do that. He slips in his Gary impression when he says ''noine.'' Howard talked to Sour as Scott Ferrall for a short time. Sour was telling him what he's been up to lately.
Howard played the clip of Sour calling Mike Francesa as Gary during a snow storm. He was telling Mike that he's at home making sure his trampoline doesn't blow away. He kept using ''noine'' during the discussion. Mike eventually hung up on him. He said they knew what his gimmick was. That led to Sour doing his Mike Francesa impression.
Howard said that he and Fred used to call Jack Spector to see how long he could stay on the line. Howard said he did it differently because he stayed in character. Howard said Sour breaks character. Howard said he'd be on with Jack for like a half hour. Fred said he has one that's 6 minutes long. Howard had him play that. In the call Howard was just asking Jack questions to keep him on the line as long as he could. Howard asked questions to keep him going.
Howard said that he knew nothing about sports and Jack didn't either. He said that's what he would talk to him about. Howard said they hired Jack to talk about sports even though he didn't know anything about sports. Howard said they hired a guy who knew nothing about sports because everyone else was an expert on the air. He said he'd ask Jack about sports and that's why he'd keep him on so long.
Sour said his mom made a prank call when she was in junior high school. Howard had another clip of Sour calling into Boomer and Carton's show when Chris Christy was hosting. Howard played that and Sour did his Don Imus and Christ Christie impressions. He had Christie singing along with him. Howard asked what he's doing there. He said he has a job. Brent said that he wants to be in show business so bad. He said he goes on Jimmy Fallon and does bits on that show. He said that guy wants to be in show business. Howard said there's not that much to do as Governor of New Jersey. He said he can do both.
Howard said Sour calls into the office back there and does a whole show before the show. He said he's so busy. Sour started to do that for Howard.
Shuli said that Sour will call him after work and he'll do a whole show for him. Howard asked if he does standards like Chris Walken. Sour did some of that but Howard said he thinks he's better at the obscure. Howard said he has to go. Sour asked if he has any requests. Sour did his Jackie impression asking if Huey Lewis has ever sat in during the news. Howard said he hasn't. Sour was going nuts so Howard said he has to get off the phone call.
Brent wondered what would happen if he put him on a radio show for an hour. Howard said he has tried. He said they gave him a show but it doesn't work. Brent said that he thinks it would be interesting to try. Howard said he has tried and you can't structure it. He said it's a very delicate balance. He said he thinks there's a job there but it's hard to work it out. Fred played some Steve Langford clips where he was complaining about Sour Shoes. Shuli said he saw him smash his phone that day when they were prank calling him with the Sour Shoes audio. Howard said he really has to take a break. He said they've gone and hour and 37 minutes already. Howard said he'll play a promo because next week is a big one. they played a promo for George Takei's big gay birthday. They said it's his big 80th birthday next week. Howard said don't miss it. They went to break after that.
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Thursday said that his birthday is this month and he's been hoping for someone to help him. Howard said maybe they can help him get his break. Howard asked how old he is. Thursday said he's going to be 33. He said he cares about porn so much he's willing to do it for free.
Howard said Thursday has a regular job but he wants to get into fart porn. He said he wants to get farted on by white guys. Thursday said he would let women do it too. He said he likes trans men too. He said he likes white men's cream hole and he likes to smell them. He said he would like to smell butts.
Howard said when he heard about all of this he didn't think it was that unreachable. Thursday said he sent in his YouTube video and he's not sure if it's a double standard. He said that people think he should worship a big, black dick. Howard said they should get him a job in the industry. Robin asked what's holding him back. Robin said it doesn't seem that hard to get into. Thursday said that they're putting him in a box. He said he wants to be a porn artist and not a porn star.
Howard said he's going to try to figure this out. He asked if he likes wet farts. Thursday said he likes to smell underwear, pants and jeans. Howard asked what would happen if it was a wet fart. Thursday said that if the guy isn't going to poop then it's fine. Howard asked if he likes to smell certain people's farts. Thursday said he likes all white guys farts. He said he is a butt guy and he doesn't care if it's hairy or not. He said he likes it extra creamy.
Howard asked Thursday if he would blow the guy after the farting. Thursday said when he gets into male/male porn he likes to make out with older white guys. He said he likes white guys in their 70s. He said he likes licking and smelling butt. He said he wants to write books about his fetish.
Thursday said that Howard once asked why people take vacations if they have a great job. He said that he is going to work long hours on his art. Howard asked if his parents are behind him. Thursday said his parents are fine with it because he's an adult.
Robin asked if he's ever made amateur porn. Thursday said he needs help because he's not good with the internet and all of that. Howard asked if this runs in the family. Thursday didn't answer that but he kept rambling.
Howard asked if people can wear whatever they want to. Thursday said they can. Howard asked if he has a boyfriend. Thursday said no but no one is going to hold him prisoner because this is America.
Howard said that Thursday just wants to get farted on for porn. Robin asked if this is a real thing. Howard said it is. Howard said he has some fart porn. He had a 17 second clip of some guys farting on each other.
Thursday said that is what he wants to do. He said it's the art he loves. Howard said you hear the drive and the desire to do this. Howard said he has the aptitude and the drive for this. Thursday said he's not taking prisoners either. He said he's a Taurus and he doesn't give up. Thursday said when he smells a white guy's butt it turns him on. He said he makes plays out of his fetish and he makes art out of this stuff.
Howard said what Thursday is saying is that he won't take off 30 days like this guy they have working there who took off 30 days of Paternity leave. Howard said he won't be doing that.
Howard asked Thursday if he would let people pee on him. Thursday said he has trans and butch women pee on him. He said he's mostly into smelling and rimming butts. Howard asked if he was with a guy who had skid marks in his underwear would that turn him off. Thursday said he doesn't think so. He said he might stick potato chips in it and eat it.
Howard asked if it we were right to bomb Syria. Thursday asked who that is. He said he wants this job because a job should feel like a vacation. Howard asked if he has anyone he looks at and wishes they would fart on him. Thursday said he thought about Howard doing it to him. He said he thinks about ''Neil Patrick Harrison'' too. He said that he also thinks about that guy from Friends. Howard asked about Al Pacino. Thursday said sure to that too.
Howard asked about Bill O'Reilly. Thursday said that's fine too. Howard said he has a clip of a fart he blasted off on the air in November 2013. Howard told him to listen to this. He played the quick clip of that fart. Thursday said that he is jealous of Howard's chair. Howard asked if he's aroused talking about this farting. Thursday said he's been playing with himself since he brought it up. Howard said he has a tremendous sex drive. Thursday said he wants someone to put him in porn this month because it's his birthday month.
Howard said this young man has demonstrated a tremendous ability to be farted on. Howard asked how people see his YouTube video. Thursday said you go to YouTube and type in ''Thursday Lane.'' Howard said he will recommend that people listen to this and maybe something will come out of it. Thursday said he's been waiting for 10 years and he's tired of waiting.
Howard played another big fart that they recorded Mike Walker doing years ago. Howard said he hopes that someone hears this and gets to Thursday Lane. Thursday said he's going to be 33 this month and he isn't staying young forever. He said he's still a fine taste of wine. Howard said that is a young man with a dream. Howard said everyone wants a break in life. Howard said it's his birthday month and he's not getting any younger. Howard said they'll see if something good comes out of this. He said they were moved by his story. Robin said this will be his club and his everything. Howard said he will work long hours in the farting industry. He said that's something.
Howard said when he told his mom he wanted to be on radio she said ''Why not you?'' Howard said now he's telling Thursday Lane that he should be in the fart porn industry and ''Why not you?'' to him.
Howard said Hank Azaria was on the show the other day and he made a phony phone call for them as his character Brockmire. Howard said he calls the Angry Political Guy. Howard said he thinks Robin will like this. Howard played the call and they called the Angry Political Guy who took the call from Brockmire who was telling him he wants to get in on the radio game himself. He asked for some advice. Angry Political Guy said he just turns on his computer. He told Brockmire he has a lot of trolls who call him. Brockmire asked if he ever gets tired of sounding like total garbage. He said he sounds a lot like Casey Kasem 3 months after he died. He also said a big hello to the 3 people who are listening. Angry Political Guy went off on him yelling about this son of a bitch. He eventually hung up.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who does an impression of the Angry Political Guy. He spent a minute talking and arguing with him. Howard played a song parody about the Angry Political Guy after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was reading a story about Ron Howard optioning a book to make it into a movie. Howard said he did that too when he was starting out. He said it just seemed cool. He said he never did make any of them. Howard wondered what Ivan Reitman is doing now. He said he really pulled his whole movie together. Howard said he hasn't been in touch with Ivan for years now. He said he hears from Betty Thomas from time to time. Howard said he never hears from Ivan though. He said he's a genius though. He said he optioned a bunch of things. Howard said he did too but then they'd run out.
Howard said he has Bill O'Reilly on the phone. He said he's the FOX news star. Howard took the call from pre-recorded fake Bill O'Reilly. Howard asked Bill if he's been sexually harassing women at FOX News. Bill said that this is his way of making women look at his old, saggy balls. He got in some plugs for tonight's show. He also said that Trump's dick is enormous.
Howard asked Bill about the women he harassed. Bill said the women he didn't fuck are the women that no one ever wants to talk about.
Howard asked Bill what else he's been up to. Bill said he's writing a new book called Killing My Boner. He said it's about a guy who made women smell his farts. Bill also said he tittie fucked Neil Cavuto last night. Bill had a whole list of things that you have to see to get a settlement from him.
Howard asked if Bill is worried about the advertisers leaving his show. Bill said to lose them all he'd have to whip it out and piss on the cast of The Five. He did that for Howard. Howard said he's blowing up. He thanked Bill for the call and let him go.
Howard took another call from a guy who wasn't here. Howard said he watched the finale of Homeland. He said he doesn't know. It was good. Robin said it let her down. Howard said he's still a fan and he's going to watch it. Robin said it was great until the last episode for her. She said she liked this season until the very end. Howard said he didn't know what to make of any of it. Howard said it wasn't his favorite season. Robin said it was timely with the story about the intelligence agency and the president.
Howard said that next week they have a special coming up. He played a promo for the George Takei Big Gay Birthday. Howard said they are going to have the biggest, gayest birthday bash for George Takei. He said they have a whole bunch of stuff planned. He said they have a lot of Richard and Sal and a lot of singing and fun. He said stay tuned for that. He said they have over 10 feet of cock.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the guy who was knocking Springsteen was a moron. He said that he thinks Trump is the worst traitor and Rex Tillerson is a mess too. He was going on and on about Trump and his cabinet. Howard said he talked to a guy in the FBI and asked about talking about an active investigation. He said the FBI doesn't tell you until they have everything done. He said he's never seen such a circus around an investigation.
The caller said that the Syrian stuff was just a diversion. Howard said there is a way to signal that you're taking an interest in this area of the world. Robin said they weren't trying to disable the airport. The caller said it wasn't to blow up the airport it was just distraction. Howard said what he's noticed about this caller is that he's not excited about the George Takei birthday party. Howard said point well made and let the guy go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Shuli was a pussy about his vasectomy. He said he had one and he was in and out in 15 minutes. He said that it wasn't painful at all. He said he rested for about 4 hours and then built a tree house for his kids later that day. Howard asked what he thinks about paternity leave for a month. The caller told him not to even start with that. Howard said he's all for taking a few days off but a month?
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he's been listening to Lithium. He said he has too. Howard said he listens to Octane too. He said he is back on Lithium and he's liking it very much. He said he almost listens to that exclusively. The caller said he knows Howard doesn't like covers... Howard said he does like covers. The caller said Stone Sour plays a cover of the Rolling Stones ''Gimme Shelter.'' Howard had Fred find the song to play it. He liked what he was hearing at first. He said it's not bad. He listened to the singing and said that's not bad. He said it could use some of Robin's harmonies. Fred threw them in too. Howard said he's liking this version of the song. He said he loves the Rolling Stones. Howard said he's with this guy. He said the Stones do a better version of this song but for a cover it's pretty good. He said another good cover of this is this. He played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Gimme Shelter.
Howard said he has more Baba Booeys from some golf tournaments. Howard played those clips and had a few people yelling out ''Baba Booey'' at these tournaments. Howard had one from a Mexico championship. Howard said Baba Booey is out there everywhere. Howard said some people know him as Tata Toothy. Howard played a song parody about Tata Toothy after that.
Howard said they talked about how Caitlyn Jenner cut her cock off. Howard said they have many songs about that. Howard played some songs that they had Kyle Dunnigan record as Caitlyn. Howard said Kyle is on a mad tear after hearing the news. He said he's already cut two songs about that. Howard played another one where Caitlyn is singing about her ween being gone to the tune of She's Gone.
Howard said he wonders if he had a big schlong. He said he wishes his was bigger. He said it would show better if it was bigger flaccid. Howard said he doesn't have that luxury. Howard said it wouldn't have been much of a leap for him to become a woman. Howard said he wonders if Caitlyn had a big one. Howard said he knows they turn it inside out to create a vagina. Howard said it must be weird for Cris Jenner. He said that cock was inside her. Howard said Caitlyn says her cock was just something to pee in the woods with. Howard wondered who the doctor is that came up with the operation to turn a cock into a vagina. Howard said it's like cock oragami. He said they've had people on the show who said that the operation doesn't really work and you have no sensation down there. Howard said maybe things have gotten better over time. Howard said the guy who invented it is Dr. Cockenstein according to the internet.
Howard said he has some feedback about the show. He read through some email about the tribute he did to Don Rickles. Howard said he didn't cry like Jimmy Kimmel did on his show. Robin said maybe Howard did it at home. Howard said no he didn't do it there either. Howard said he's so fucked up and removed from emotion. Howard said he quickly learned from the stinging words his dad threw at him that he shouldn't be affected. He said there's not a lot of crying or carrying on. Howard said he tries to be in therapy but it's not easy for him.
Howard said Robin has some walls up too. Howard said Lenny Dykstra tries to get to her and she feels nothing. Robin said that's for sure.
Howard said maybe as great as John Lennon was he wanted other music to not be as good as his own. Howard said he had a theory about Johnny Carson and David Letterman controlling who they put on. Howard said he'd probably do the same thing. Howard said he wouldn't want to hire someone good either.
Howard said he had a lot of feedback about Gary vs. Sal yesterday. Fred said it was overwhelming. Howard read through some of that and said he doesn't even remember the argument. Robin said it was about the parking and the free parking that Gary got. Howard said he's going to look into this whole thing and who is getting free tickets. Howard said Gary claims he goes to network to get guests. Howard said he was thinking about it and how it helps him get guests. Howard said they should be sending the guy from the Nassau Coliseum a gift if he wants to book guests. Howard said he doesn't want to owe people favors. He said that he'll be clamping down on this stuff. He said he had no idea this was going on. He said Gary is making some weird arrangements for parking and all of that. He said he's oblivious to this stuff.
Robin said Gary got free tickets, parking and food. Sal had to pay for parking and food but not the tickets. Howard said he doesn't like any of this. He said this is called Perk-gate. He said they call him Sherlock Stern and he'll be looking into this.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on in his own organization. He said these freebies are related to him. He said they can't get to him so they give it to the other guys on the show. Howard said he will find out what's going on. He said Ronnie was back stage at the Gwen Stefani show. He said Ronnie told him ahead of time though. He said he's okay with that.
Howard said he bets that Gwen is fun in bed. Robin said Blake wouldn't make those googoo eyes at her if she wasn't. Howard said he hasn't been watching that show lately. Robin told him what's going on with them on that show. Howard said he sees Gwen as a pleaser. Howard said his mom used to tell him that she was a pleaser. Howard said he got no pleasure. Robin said maybe it was all for Ben. Howard said he's still there so maybe.
Howard got back to the email and read more about Gary and Sal. They had a lot of comments from fans who went off on Sal. Fred said they really came down on Sal hard in the email.
Howard read more email and there were some negative emails about Gary in there too. People were wondering if Gary pays for anything. He was asking for tickets to a Samantha Bee special.
Howard said Robin took a beating in the email too. Howard read through some of those and people were going off on her about her comments about Syria. Robin said then just keep bombing them, that makes much more sense. Howard read more of that and Robin was defending what she was saying yesterday.
Howard said someone called Robin a ''liberal cunt'' in the email. Robin said she's not. Howard read that email and Robin tried to defend herself saying that guy doesn't want to use his brain to solve this problem. Howard went through a few more emails about Robin. Robin was still talking about what she was yesterday. Howard said she still hasn't come up with a solution. Howard and Robin spent a few more minutes talking about that.
Howard asked Robin what her solution is. Robin said it's a new way of thinking. Howard asked how they're supposed to get people to do that. Robin said that everyone wants to use bombs. Howard said she's raising her voice very loud. Howard said he's telling her about how we ended a war in Japan with a bomb. Robin said that was just one war. We still have wars. Robin said you would have to start thinking of people as a whole. Howard asked how he can educate Assad. Robin said you'd have to isolate him to get his attention. Robin said one of these days they will go in and get him and a lot of people will die because of that.
Howard let Benjy come in to yell instead of Robin since he's louder. Benjy came in yelling what Robin was yelling. He just did it louder. Robin said that's a start.
Howard said that he has to get to commercials. He said he's way behind. Robin was still going on and on about how uncivilized we are. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
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Howard said that JD's wedding discussion came up in the email too. Howard said they had an avalanche of email about that yesterday. He said Richard was in the hall trying to get him to sing a song about his wedding list. He said JD gave in and sang the song. Howard played a clip of Richard recording the song with JD. JD didn't want to sing it. Richard said it's cute. JD thought it was stupid. He said there is no list. Richard said he's going to be making one. JD said fine and went with it. Howard played the song too. Howard said it's called ''Some of you are coming to Montana.''
Howard said Ralph got a nice email for once. Howard read through that email and then some about Ronnie and about Jason being called fat boy by a 6 year old kid.
Howard said he got some email about Edge of 17 with Hailee Steinfeld. Howard suggested it recently and a fan thanked him for the suggestion.
Howard talked about how hot Kristen Stewart was with that shirt on that showed her under boob. Fred played a clip of Donald Trump saying ''Titties'' and Howard wondered where that came from. JD said it was him saying Cities and it just sounds like titties because the microphone cut out.
Howard said JD has to hand out spoons for his wedding. JD said ''yeah, yeah'' and walked out. Howard said he's a Hailee Steinfeld fan and a Mandy Moore fan. He said Mandy is 33 so she's a little older. He said that's less creepy than being into Hailee. He said he's into that show ''This is Us.''
Howard said that it's time to hear a song about Robin. He played a song parody about her from Psych. Howard asked what that song is. Fred said it's called Hangover but he's not sure of the artist.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to respond to Robin about Syria. Howard said leave her alone. Howard said go on her Twitter feed because she's full of information. Howard said she'll teach you shit you didn't even know you wanted to know about.
Howard took a call from a guy who said ''Hey Boner'' like George Takei. Howard said he's glad he did that. He played another promo for the George Takei Big Gay Birthday Party. Howard said you better be there or be square. He said it's going to be Cock-a-litious. Robin said that some people get crazy when they see that much cock.
The caller said he loves Robin but she doesn't make any sense when it comes to the Syria thing. Howard said he's going to give him the same lecture he gave the last caller. He told him to check out Robin's Twitter account. The caller said he still loves Robin even after all of that. Howard did another live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Robin read a story about Bob Saget and John Stamos paying their respects to Don Rickles. Robin had some audio of them talking about Don on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night.
Robin read about Caitlyn Jenner having her penis removed. Howard played the song parody he played earlier of her singing about her penis being gone.
Robin read a story about Kylie Jenner getting her own TV show. Robin read the details about that. Howard said he would watch that. He said he likes her. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby's children's books are targeted to be removed from libraries. Robin read about how they're doing that because of the accusations. Howard wondered why these guys are compelled to preach to people how they should be when they're accused of these horrible things. Howard said he wonders if it's a way to cover up their own stuff or a horrible joke. Robin said it seems like they're always wrestling with that thing that they do wrong. Howard said they seem to do it because they can't get their own impulses under control. He said they say a lot of psychologists become psychologists because they're trying to get their own stuff figured out. He said that would be like Fred writing a book about how not to be weird. Fred said he thinks they write the book about what they want to be and that's how they get it out there.
Robin said Jimmy Kimmel and Molly are good friends of Howard's. Howard said yes. Robin asked if Howard saw they were struggling to have a child, would he and Beth give them a baby. Howard said he will fuck Molly or Jimmy if he has to. Howard said he would not help. He said he's not going to have a baby with Beth and give it to them. Robin said it would be Molly's egg and Jimmy's sperm. Howard said no to that. He said that's never going to happen. He said they can find someone else. Robin said a Long Island couple are parents thanks to their friends. Robin said this couple was unable to give birth and their friend carried the child and now they have two kids who were born in February. Howard asked why they don't adopt anymore. Howard said on This is Us they adopted a black baby and it turned out to be a genius.
Robin read a story about a company that is working on gum and it's designed to show if a person has cancer. Robin said it absorbs VOCs and it can show if a person has cancers. Robin said they say it's in testing stages and it will be available next year.
Robin read a story about the United airlines passenger who was dragged off the flight yesterday. Robin said the CEO of United is blaming the passenger for being belligerent. Robin said that he told employees that the employees had no choice but to do what they did. Robin had some audio of Jimmy Kimmel talking about that on his show. Howard said these airlines have to get their shit together with this bumping people from their seat thing. He said the airlines should keep 5 seats open for employees. He said having said that don't let them drag you off. Just get up and get out of the seat. Howard said don't struggle and get your head bashed in. Robin said this guy is a medical doctor with a sordid history. Robin said he has a history of some fraud and deceit charges. Robin read through the story about the guy.
Robin read a story about a shooting at a San Bernardino school yesterday. Robin said a teacher was shot by her ex-husband and he hit others and killed his wife and child. Robin said they had been separated for a few months. Howard said he went in with a high caliber gun and shot her but an 8 year old was behind her and it went right through her and into that kid. Robin said a 9 year old was hit as well and that child is in stable condition. Robin had some audio of a kid who witnessed the shooting. The kid said that the guy shot his teacher in the forehead.
Robin read a story about the Alabama governor who resigned after being accused of having an affair. Robin had some audio of the governor talking about stepping down. Howard said he won by a big margin and he was popular. Robin had more audio of him talking about why he's stepping down.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that United's stock dropped quite a bit overnight. Howard said he bets that people will take advantage of that and buy it now. Howard said people forget within a week. Ralph said it will go away. He said that they're not handling it very well. Ralph said he thinks that guy should fly free the rest of his life. Howard said don't worry, he will.
Robin read about Neil Gorsuch taking his oath yesterday to become the new Supreme Court Justice. Robin had some audio of Trump and Gorsuch talking. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Rex Tillerson going to Russia today. Robin said everyone will have eyes on how that turns out. Robin said it turns out Russia knew about the attacks on Syria before they happened. Robin said Tillerson was in a meeting with our allies talking about the Syrian attacks. Robin said Rex is saying he doesn't know what Russia knew about the attacks ahead of time.
Robin read a story about how New York is giving free tuition to 4 year colleges to families that earn $25,000 or less.
Robin read a story about President Trump saying that North Korea is looking for trouble. Robin said that Trump is saying that a trade deal with China depends on how they deal with North Korea. Robin said he's saying we will solve the problem without them if they don't do something.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said a friend adopted a dog from China and saved it from the Yulin dog festival. Howard said that's wonderful. Mariann asked where Howard 360 is. She said they need that to see the JD thing. Howard said they have a whole thing going on so calm down. He hung up on Mariann and did a live commercial read.
Robin asked if Howard is keeping up on chess. Howard said he is getting back into playing. Robin asked if he knows who the best player in the United States is. Howard was trying to figure it out. Robin said it's Wesley So. Robin said he will play Magnus Carlsen next year for the world championship.
Robin read a story about Palm Beach County getting upset about the amount of money they have to put into covering Trump's visits. Howard said it's a resort community and they're overwhelmed when Trump comes to town. Howard said Trump should look into not going so much. He said it's inconveniencing thousands of people. Robin asked if Howard thinks he cares. Howard said he should care. He said they're prepared for all of that in Washington DC. Howard said maybe it's time for a talk.
Robin read a story about how Netflix is tops in the streaming services. Robin said Amazon is in third place.
Robin read a story about a Las Vegas street performer who dresses like Superman getting attention after he defended another street performer from being assaulted by a homeless man who was using a traffic cone in a sexual way. The other street performer was dressed as Batman and Superman came to the rescue. Howard said he'd love to see that if it's on the internet. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about the big show they have coming up. He had a clip of Underdog Lady (Rachel Butera) telling them who they have coming up. They have Adam Sandler coming in. Howard said he's excited to see Adam come in today. He said he always likes a visit from Adam.
Howard said yesterday was a busy day with Fred. He said they became rock stars. He said they went to a studio there to record a song. Fred said they call that studio ''FlAbbey Road.'' Howard said he sees how ridiculous it is for him to try to have a hit song. Howard said the Stones, McCartney, Zeppelin, Billy Joel and these guys don't have hit songs anymore so how is he? Howard said he just doesn't see it. Robin said maybe his is still in him. Howard said Fred has a good track that he enjoys. Robin asked if he's played it for them. Howard said he has not. He said when you hear people talking about hit songs he does what they do and just started to riff with nonsense words. Howard said he saw the absurdity of it all and that was it. He said the session was over. He said he had a bunch of meetings lined up and they spent maybe 15 minutes on the song. Fred said Howard left him with one good idea. He said he thinks they could have something there. He said he's serious. He said if it's a piece of shit no one will ever hear it.
Howard said they are working on a hit song. He said he's not wasting his time on some other type of song. Howard said Fred dropped acid before they worked to try to do a Pink Floyd kind of thing. Robin said maybe Howard would be more inhibited if he did something like that. Howard said maybe so.
Howard said yesterday they had a bunch of meetings. He said they went over the big, gay birthday party for George Takei. He played a promo for that show. He said that's coming up on Monday. He said George is turning 80. He said they have such a line up for that show. He said they have singers coming in to perform nude. They're all men. He said they're going all out for George. He said it will be the most gay ever. Howard said Richard and Sal will come in fully nude and have a ''who has the prettiest asshole'' contest. He said it's going to be a constant buffet of balls. Howard said Richard is shaving his asshole for the contest. He said if you like butt holes this is must listen radio.
Howard said this is going to be something else to listen to and enjoy. He said they have like 25 separate events for the show. Robin said Howard could mention them all and it won't ruin it. Howard said Fred told him he's getting his nipples pierced for George.
Howard said it's going to be so wonderful for George. He said he's not sure how much he wants to give away. Robin said leave them something. Howard said Andy Cohen might come in with his crown for the Top Gay in America. He said he may come in and give his crown over to George for the day. Robin gave that a ''Wow!'' Howard said they might even hear from a guy who blew George in the Brambles. He said they're pulling out all the stops.
Howard said they may have Richard do naked push ups over George. He said this may even be too gay for George. He said they tried to get William Shatner but there will be no William Shatner. Howard said Jon and Gary will 69 for George. He said it's going to be something. He said this will be on Monday and it's going to be the most gay they've ever been.
Howard said Richard is going to try to chub up before he comes in the studio. He said JD will feed George grapes while in a thong. Fred played a clip of George saying ''Oh, I'm game.'' Robin said JD must be really excited about this. Howard said he has his plans too. Howard said Benjy will not be naked. He said he'll be the only one with his clothes on. He said he may show George his cock actually. He said he will show his big mushroom head cock.
Howard said Gary did try to get Shatner for the show. Gary said he told him he's busy that day. He said he will be celebrating his birthday in a mausoleum. Howard said that they will have a woman free zone that day. He said it's going to be great.
Howard said talk about a guy who is in over his head. He said he was watching this guy Sean Spicer. He said he can't wait to see what this guy has to say every day. Robin said now it's must see TV. Howard said he always looks scared like he's going to make a blunder. He said it's like if he made Sal his spokesman. Howard said Sal knows nothing about the history of this country. Robin said he messes up words all the time too. Howard said yesterday was crazy. He said Trump has to fire this guy. Robin said she thinks he wants him there. Howard said he can't imagine he does. Robin said he's made too many blunders already. Howard asked why he would want him there. Robin said he confuses things instead of talking about facts. Robin said you end up talking about what he said.
Howard said yesterday Sean Spicer was trying to say how bad Syria's president is. He was saying that Hitler never used chemical weapons on his own people. Howard said you'd think that he was a holocaust denier or something. He said there have been other examples of Trump's people saying crazy stuff like this. Howard said Trump didn't go to a Seder that other president's have. He said that you think it's some master conspiracy. Howard said Spicer made Assad not look so bad. Howard said you wonder how he didn't know that Hitler marched his own people into the gas chamber. He said they were Germans who fought for the country in World War I. Howard said he turned on chemical gas on his own people. He said it was somewhat remarkable that this guy so high up in the administration doesn't know this. Howard said if he were Trump he would have fired him that day.
Howard said he asked Jason where this guy went to college. He said Jason told him it was some school in Connecticut. Fred said it is a top 50 school or it was at one time. Howard said this guy didn't know that Hitler gassed his own people.
Howard had the clip of Spicer claiming that there were no chemical weapons in World War II. Howard said that he was watching a P.R. guy who said you never bring up Hitler. He said if you compare to Hitler then it never goes the right way. Howard played more of Spicer talking about the gas that Hitler did use and saying that he didn't use it in the same way. Howard said Spicer also fucked up the way he said Assad. Robin said this is the guy who is interpreting what the President is saying.
Howard said that Spicer also said that the Jews were brought to the ''Holocaust Center'' by Hitler. Howard said he doesn't know where this stuff is coming from. Howard said the guy is just not informed. Howard said it's embarrassing. He said it's entertaining as hell too. Robin said he has that look on his face. Howard said it's like a deer in the headlights.
Howard said later in the day Sean had to apologize to Wolf Blitzer. He said that's great television. He said that it's great comedy but if he were Trump he'd think that they're a laughing stock. Howard said Blitzer had his way with him. Howard played some audio from that interview. Wolf was asking him who he was apologizing to and asked if he was aware of what went on back then. Spicer said he is aware.
Howard asked if there was no one else out there for this job. He said there has to be someone more qualified. Robin said the man has made a ton of errors since he took the job.
Howard said that Sal did something similar. Howard played a clip where Sal apologized for making racist comments on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said that was Sal's stockbroker voice. That's the voice he uses when he tells people they lost their life savings. Howard played more of that clip where Sal apologized. Howard and Robin were laughing.
Howard said Sal always mentions Italians in those clips. He said Sal was talking about Miss Howard Stern having a bi-racial child and joked about that. Robin said he had to tell that joke. Howard said it's fucking awesome. He said he's their Sean Spicer. Howard said he would never let Sal be his spokesperson if he was President. Robin said that Sean said Donald Trump had the biggest crowd at the inauguration. That was his first statement to the press.
Howard told Sal to come in and explain the holocaust. Howard said if he was his spokesperson he'd have to apologize every day. Sal came in and said Spicer is an idiot. Howard said he thinks Sal would cut him some slack. Sal said he needs to sit down and do a lot of research before he opens his mouth. Sal said when he sees things on the surface it's cut and dry. He said he opens his mouth and sounds like an idiot. He said you're stuck with it forever. He said Sean Spicer needs to sit down and speak to experts.
Robin said Sal is guilty of jumping into subjects and using words he doesn't know the meaning of. She asked what makes him do that. Sal said he is smart but he doesn't take time to think in certain circumstances. Sal said shit goes down and people worry. He said that they get Sean out there and he doesn't know his ass from his elbow. Sal said he knows that Hitler was the worst. Howard said we use chemical weapons. He said we used Agent Orange and things like that. Howard said Sal would never want to be a press secretary. Sal said that would be a total goof.
Sal did some speaking for Howard and Robin said something to him about how bad he is. Sal said this is where he would throw her out of the press conference. Howard said Sal thinks he could do a better job. Sal said he does. Robin said he would do the research. Sal said there is no research.
Howard said that Sal is going to do the big gay birthday show next week. Sal said he's going to shave his asshole for that.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked to come to the birthday show. Howard said they have a full roster already. Janks said he wants to see JD in a thong. Howard said they're doing that for George, not for Captain Janks.
Howard asked Ramone what he does down there. Ramone said he works and he has an orchard. He said he has 10 acres. Howard asked if he does gay fishing. Ramone said they do have a pond in the back. Ramone said he has 3 dogs too. He asked Howard to get him out of there. Howard said they have a whole gay agenda on Monday. Ramone said he has to get out of there.
Howard said that Andy Cohen is their top gay. Ramone said he should be their top gay. Ramone said he has a challenge for that Andy guy. Howard told him to go be happy in North Carolina. Howard let Ramone go a short time later.
Sal said George is going to be so pleased with this party. Howard said they have so much planned. He said the other day he was doing push ups and he got to 12 and it was enough. He said George does like 100 a day. He said he claims they're real push ups and he has to put his feet up on a chair so it makes them even harder.
Howard said that George is going to do push ups over Richard who will be naked. He said that way they'll get to see his push ups. Robin asked what will happen if he falls. Howard said he'll land on Richard's cock.
Howard said speaking of George he's been on the show since 2006 when he became their announcer. Howard said he was on Star Trek and he played Sulu. Howard said Star Trek blew up. He said it spawned movies and TV shows and spawned racial diversity on TV. Howard said George came on the show the first time in 1990 and denied being gay. Howard said he has the clip from that day. Howard played the clip where he asked George to dance with him and then asked him if he goes that way and George said ''Oh no, no, no.''
Howard said even though he was in the closet back then he did talk about his penis. Howard asked him if he was really big. Howard played that clip and George said he is big.
Howard said in 2005 George came out and talked about the gay sex he had in the Brambles. Howard had some audio from that day too.
Howard said George is the best. He said he opened up about his husband Brad too. Howard said someone asked about anilingus and he opened up about that. Howard played a clip where George talked about getting his asshole licked on Sunday.
Howard said there you go. He said they love George and they're happy to celebrate his 80th. He said that's coming up on Monday. He played a promo for the upcoming show.
Howard said to sum up one of the biggest prank calls on George was done by Kidd Chris. He said he called George as Ricardo Montalban. Howard said he was masterful with that phony phone call. Howard played that call where Chris pranked George as Ricardo and asked what he was up to and found out about George going on a Star Trek cruise. He found out about George's dog La Reine Blanche. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he's not sure how Robin keeps resisting him. Robin said it's difficult. She said she thinks he'll get tired of that before she gives in. Howard said he's like dripping water and Robin will get her pussy eaten eventually.
Howard played a Vocal Fry Betty (Rachel Butera) clip where she told them who they have coming up today.
Howard said he got kind of an upsetting voicemail from Wendy the Slow Adult. She's thinking of quitting the show. She said that she thinks that they're kind of empathic with her. Howard said he'll let her speak for herself. Howard played the clip and Wendy said she thinks that things aren't working out between her and the show. She said she thinks that they'd be better off without her. She said that they want to be mean to her and when she needs help no one is ever there for her. Wendy said that they don't realize how much is going on and how things are. She said money is tight for her and she can't get anything done. She said they just treat her like crap and whatever.
Howard said there was a voice behind her. Robin said she thinks maybe she was being coached. Howard said he thinks maybe there were just people behind her. Howard said she might be uncoachable. Robin asked what would happen if they asked her to come up there to do another show. Howard said she might forget and come up.
Howard said he was sitting with Fred yesterday trying to write a song and it went horribly wrong. He said he has to take responsibility. He said Fred told him to think about Wendy being up there and breaking into the ''Fluffy Wuffy'' song she did. Howard played a clip of Wendy just riffing a song out of nowhere. Howard said they came up with a song from that. He played the clip and said that's a huge hit. Howard said people are calling her Beyonce the Slow Adult around there. Howard said the kids call this kind of song a banger. He said everyone is doing the fluffy wuffy dance. He said she's uninhibited and that's what works.
Howard said it's not easy to write a hit song with Fred staring at you. He said if he was alone maybe he would have been better off. Howard said it's not Fred's fault. He said that he was looking at the absurdity of what they were doing. He said they might be on to something though.
Howard played a phony phone call they made to a piercing place and a woman says she and her boyfriend got their piercings stuck together. They had Asian Pete playing the guy who had his piercing stuck on this woman's slit. Then she blew a queef that separated them. Then the guy's voice changed to Michael Caine. They went to break after that.
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Howard said a lot of people are emailing lately. He said they had to do a lot of reading. He said Robin is getting a lot of feedback. He said she's generating like 90 percent of the email. Fred said easily 90. Howard read some of the comments they're getting and people are telling her to shut up about the Syria thing. Howard read more email about Robin and someone said he meant it in the nicest possible way when he called her a cunt and a twat. Howard said he's just letting Robin know there's a problem in her fan base.
Howard read a supportive email about what Robin was saying. He said she's getting some positives too. Howard said someone said they don't know what her solution is based on what she said. Howard had email after email about what Robin has been saying about not bombing Syria and other places.
Howard said someone said that Robin is cured and it's time to start therapy again. Howard said she has generated a lot of thought. Robin said she hopes that people remember this and this is the day they first heard about thinking about problems instead of just bombing.
Howard said this guy says he's for dropping a giant book on Syria and flattening it with a book. Robin said that's the same solution. Robin said people think it can't get better and that's why we can't find the solution.
Howard said Robin's fans are speaking out and they're inspired. Howard said unfortunately he doesn't have more for her to argue with.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression. Sour said he's playing with Balls right now. Howard said they're going to have all kinds of gay activities on Monday with George. Sour George said he has 80 dildos to blow out on Monday. Howard said Richard and Sal are going to have a prettiest asshole contest right in front of him. He said they'll all have a good laugh together.
Howard said Sour Shoes had a lot of positive emails yesterday. He said he was on as Baba Booey, Mad Dog, Farrell and more. Sour did his Gary impression and asked Robin a question. Howard read some of the email about Sour Shoes and people were talking about how great he was yesterday.
Howard said people want him on all day long. Howard said Sour was all inspired yesterday and left like a million voicemails. He said he did one as Gary singing at a baseball game. Howard played some audio of him doing that. Howard asked if he ever turns that off. Sour was doing a weird voice and said something. Robin said he must turn it off at some point. Howard played more of Sour doing his Gary impression in the voicemail. He said he left that message at 9:09 on Sunday. Sour said the Mets scored ''noine'' last night too. Sour did an impression of the frequent caller Balls. Howard kept reading the email about Sour and Sour asked if he could do an all request show. Howard said you can't listen to Sour all day long no matter what you think.
Howard asked how it worked when he put on Sourer Shoes yesterday. Sour said he wants to do that again. Howard put Sourer and Sour on together. Howard said he's not sure who he's even talking to. Howard asked them to identify themselves. Howard said he has no idea who is who. He said it's too complex for him. Sour did his Artie impression and Sourer did a Jackie impression. Sour, as Artie, talked about going out to L.A. and using half of Jackie's material. He brought up the Baby Gorilla thing and talked about Don Rickles. He said he's been saying some things about him lately and he regrets it. Artie said that he and Howard went to visit Robin in the hospital and he should talk about that.
Howard read more email about Sour Shoes and how great he is on the show. Sour did his Mad Dog Russo impression and said that Sour Shoes actually met Adam Sandler once at Pepperdine. Howard said that's right. Sour kept going with the Mad Dog impression so Howard asked him some questions as Mad Dog. Sour had Howard laughing at the impression a few times.
Sour changed to his Gary impression and did that for a short time. Howard thanked Sour Shoes and said that he knows the fans want more. Sour did his Balls impression again. He had that impression down pretty good. Howard said he doesn't think anyone does a Balls impression. Robin said this is the kind of thing that he could take on the road. Howard said to sum up he'll see George at the big party next week. Sour broke into song as George. Howard said some day he's going to end up in a mental institution next to Sour Shoes. Robin said he's going to be his caretaker. Howard said it could be.
Howard said he has more email about Ralph and Brent. Howard said someone said that Brent should get the Benjy chair in the studio. Howard said there were some negative emails about Brent in there too. He said that a lot of people were complimenting Hank Azaria on his phony phone call too.
Howard said someone wrote him and suggested something for the show. They asked for the Fake Angry Political Guy to call the real guy. Howard said they actually did that. Howard said they called the Angry Political Guy with their guy who does the impression and said that the guy stole his whole act. Howard said he should replay that. He played the call where the fake Angry Political Guy calls the real Angry Political Guy and claims he stole his whole act.
Howard said they might have to call him back. He had fake Angry Political Guy on the phone. He said he should call him and engage him in a poetical discussion. He said they can find out how long it takes for the guy to figure out he's doing an impression. Fake Angry Political Guy was rambling and saying he isn't going to put up with this. Howard hung up on him a short time later.
Howard said he sees that Benjy is part of Sharknado 5. Howard said he was watching the new Adam Sandler movie and Baba Booey is in it. Howard said Gary claims he told him about it but he blocked it out. Howard said he's a big star.
Howard said the guy who got kicked off the United Airlines flight sounded like Benjy in the clip he played. Howard said you'd swear that was a Benjy shtick. Howard played Benjy's scream too. He said that's what he did for Sharknado. Howard said they did a song with those clips. They did a Dueling Banjos thing with Benjy and the United Airlines guy. Howard played the song.
Howard said he started doing Transcendental Meditation and he didn't set out to quit smoking but he became upset when he would go outside and start lighting up. He said fresh air and smoke irritated him. He said it was right after he started meditating. He said that he credits Transcendental Meditation and also that he was volunteering at the college radio station and his voice was getting tired from smoking. He said he has pretty good will power too. He said he just quit smoking and the next day he tore the ligaments in his ankle playing basketball. Howard said he had to be in a cast and it would have been a perfect time to star smoking again. He said he just said he wasn't going to smoke again. He said he did miss it but he stopped.
The caller said he has to quit. He said he does it in traffic. Howard said one of the things he enjoyed was cigarettes and coffee. He quit both. Howard said the coffee was a trigger.
The caller said he's opening an art studio and he wondered if he'd like to feature his photography. Howard said no. He's not looking to show it off. The caller said he must be afraid to put himself out there. Howard said he does it once in a while. He said he's put it out there. He said he isn't into the photography thing anymore. Robin asked if he takes photographs to paint. Howard said he does that.
Howard said if he does change his mind there's no other place he'd rather show his art than in his shed in Rhode Island.
Howard said he's going to let Travis play the Big Foot game. Howard said they asked Big Foot questions about what he would do for $100 like letting a horse kick him in the balls. He asked the caller, Travis, what he thinks. Travis said he thinks he might. Howard played the clip and Big Foot said he might do it.
Howard said that's how they play the game. Howard said Travis has to match with 3 of the 5 he plays. Howard said the first one was if big Foot would eat dog shit for $100. Travis said yes. In the clip Big Foot said he wouldn't do that.
Howard said he has more. He said they asked if he would suck the cum out of a used condom. Travis said no. Howard played the clip and Big Foot said sure. He said he's swallowed cum before.
Howard said they asked Big Foot if he would let a guy cum in his eye and wash it out with piss. Travis said Big Foot says yes. Howard played the clip and Big Foot said he would to see if he could survive.
Howard said they asked Big Foot if he would drink water with his dirty underwear in it for $100. Travis said he thinks that he will say yes. Howard played the clip and Big Foot said no, that's nasty. He doesn't like messing with his own shit.
Howard said that Travis just lost. He said that he thought it was a lock on that one. Travis said he's such a loser. Howard said he's going to stick with the game show host voice until he goes to commercial. He let Travis go after that. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he loves this guy Leslie West of Mountain. Howard said he's one of the top 5 guitar players in the world. Howard said he's right up there with Eddie Van Halen.
Howard said that Adam Sandler is there. He said he has a new movie on Netflix. Howard said he's making his movies for Netflix and they give him all kinds of freedom. Howard said the movie is called ''Sandy Wexler'' and it's based on his manager. He said he comes off kind of retarded. Howard said he found himself asking if his manager is really that out of it. Adam said there are moments. He said that's why they make fun of him. Howard said Adam has had some career. He said he has made a lot of movies. Adam said he has made maybe 20 that he stars in. Howard said he was watching the movie and he was wondering how his manager feels. Adam said he doesn't know that's how they feel about him. He said they have magnified a lot of his personality. He said the scene where the lights go out is real. Howard said he leaned on the lights and didn't know it was him. Adam said that kind of thing happens a lot.
Howard asked if he really married that person in the movie. Adam said that was made up for the movie. Howard said he likes that there was a love story in this movie. He said that's not something he does. Adam said he's afraid of women. Howard asked if that's true. Adam said not at all. Howard asked how he met his wife. Adam said he met his wife at a party that Stephen Dorf had. Adam said he met her there and then they started hanging out. Howard asked if it was love at first sight. Adam said it was. Howard said his wife is in the movie and she does a Vagisil commercial. Adam said those are his kids in the commercial too.
Howard said it must be great to put his family in the movie. Adam said it's great. He said it's fun to be on the set and then be in the movie. Howard said when dad goes to work it's kind of a nice thing to get away from the family. Adam said it is. He said when he gets up in the morning and drops the kids off at school you get a little time off. He said he is addicted to his kids. He said they're 8 and 10 and he likes being with them. He said he's a little weird like that.
Howard said his wife is in the movie and he had kissing scenes with Jennifer Hudson. He said she's very pretty. Adam said his wife doesn't mind at all. He said she was on set and the house they shot at was the house where they shot the Godfather with the horses head and all of that. He said when he and Jennifer kiss his wife was there. He said she was asking him to kiss her better than that. Howard asked if that was a mechanism to make her seem cool. Adam said maybe she just wanted him to kiss better.
Howard asked Adam if he has to go out of his way to show his wife scenes where he has to make out. Adam said sure. He said his wife reads it too. He said she helps with that. Howard said that's very smart. Adam said it is. He said she and Jennifer were very tight. Adam said he calls her J. Hud.
Howard congratulated Adam on the Netflix deal. Howard said they must not even hassle him over there. Howard asked if he has to get it okay'd when he does something like this. Adam said they're very cool with that over there. He said they get excited about stuff and they do trust him with what he wants to do. Adam said they give him some ideas. He said it's not even notes. He said they just say that they read this stuff and suggest things. He said that Ted Sarandos is the guy at Netflix and he loves Howard.
Howard said at one point Adam is at Quincy Jones' house and he says his wine is kind of grapey and the guy gets a $6,000 bottle of wine and he complains about it being too nutty. He said then he throws him out of his house. Adam said that someone suggested putting an ice cube in the wine too.
Howard said Netflix is spending a lot of money on these movies. Howard said Adam did 3 others for them and they're the most viewed on Netflix. Howard said they are the most watched movies there. Howard said this puts Adam in the power seat. Howard said he recently singed for 4 more. Adam said it's a total of 8. Howard said he must have hit the mother load on this. Howard said he would love to know what he got paid for that. Howard said Chris Rock got paid like $100 million for his specials. He said Dave Chappelle got $60 million. He said Jerry Seinfeld is getting like $100 million for his Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.
Howard asked Adam if he goes to them and demands more. Adam said they have a lot of money so they gave him a good deal. Howard asked who is making these deals. Adam said he has a few guys. He said his brother is his lawyer. He said his brother Scott who went to B.U. Howard said he's a good guy. He said he gives everyone work. Adam said his brother got him into doing stand up and stuff. He said he's his big brother who took care of him always. He said he only has pulled for him his entire life. He said he's not the asshole brother who beat the shit out of him.
Howard said he thinks of a brother being a nightmare. Howard said to have a brother who was not jealous is something. Adam said his two sisters weren't jealous either. He said they only stick up for him. He said they're wonderful.
Howard said he must have had loving parents too. Adam said he did. Howard said he doesn't seem like an angry guy. Adam said he actually snaps pretty quick and yells a lot. He said he will snap on the street but then he calms down. He said he acts like an asshole sometimes. Howard said Gary is in this new movie. Howard said there are a lot of cameos in the movie. Howard said Gary said he's a control freak. Adam said he is involved in everything. Howard asked if that's what makes him angry. Adam said he's been that way his whole life. He said they once told him his nick name was Spaz because he spazzed out a lot.
Howard asked Adam if he gets in fights. Adam said his last fight was when he was 18 years old. He said he and his writing partner got into it once and that was it. He said that it was when other guys wanted to fight them and they had a carpet cutter. He told that last time he was on the show.
Howard asked if he knows where he's going with the movies when he signs the deal. Adam said no. He said he's doing one with Robert Smigel this summer. He said he knows Howard likes Smigel. Howard said he does. Howard asked if guys come to him with ideas. Adam said it does happen but he ha this idea for Smigel and he asked him to work on it. He said he's directing it and working on it. Robin asked if he just pictured him having that idea. Adam said he knew it would be something he would like to do. He said in the movie his daughter marries Chris Rock's son. He said it's a Long Island family thing. Howard asked if it's a racial thing. Adam said not really.
Howard asked Adam about how often these ideas come to him. Adam said they come to him like once every 6 months or so. Howard said Adam has worked on other big movies like Transylvania and things like that. He does the voice of Dracula in that. Adam said he was terrified when he showed up for that. He said he did it and that one is making the kids happy. He said he did put some thought into the voice. He said he did the basic Dracula. He said he ripped off Bella Lugosi or whoever did it.
Howard asked Adam what he does when he has a movie that makes hundreds of millions of dollars. He asked what he did when he'd see things like that. Adam said The Waterboy was the first ''holy shit'' weekend. He said it was a bunch of them who were shooting Big Daddy at the time and they were together getting the calls about how big it was going to be. He said they were cranking music to the news. Howard asked what he listens to. Adam said he's a classic rock guy. He said he likes Aerosmith and Zeppelin. Howard said he can play guitar for real. Adam said he can play. He said he does stand up and he plays some leads and stuff. He said he plays 4 or 5 bars and then he starts to lose it.
Howard said Adam wrote a song about Chris Farley and the fans still remember him. Adam said of course they do. He said he talks about how funny he always was and how much they miss him.
Howard asked if he made money from the Hanukkah song. Adam said it was on one of his albums so he did. He said it gets mentioned to him on the streets all the time.
Howard asked if Adam made his wife convert to Judaism when he met her. Adam said he didn't make her. He said they fell in love and talked about the future and his wife didn't grow up religious. He said she kind of grew up with a lot of Seders and stuff in Florida. He said it ended up going that way. Howard asked if she became super Jewy. Adam said not at all. He said it was important to his dad that they had a Jewish family. He said his wife was a fan of that too so that's why they do it.
Howard said there is a lot of anti-Semitism out there. Howard asked if he saw a lot of that. Adam said he had a lot of great friends but on occasion it came up. He said it was rough. He said it's painful too. He said kids would give him shit on occasion. He said he was instructed by his father and that's why he got into a few fights growing up. Howard asked if his father taught him how to fight. Adam said he didn't train him in fighting but his dad would tell him he should be able to handle that kid.
Howard said Adam doesn't get political at all. Adam said not really. He said he doesn't know enough to get into that. Robin asked if he knows who ran. Adam said he does but he doesn't think he should be telling people what to do.
Howard asked Adam if people will stop being his fan if he does that. Adam said sure but he doesn't think about it either way. He said he's a guy who listens to everyone and he can't give you anything. Robin asked if he gets invited to parties for fund raisers and stuff. Adam said not really. Howard said he can't go because he doesn't have a suit. Howard said he did wear one on Kimmel. Adam said he woke up that morning and wasn't able to find anything so he found a suit he wore to Temple 6 months earlier. He said they told him how great he looked so that's what he wore.
Howard asked Adam about meeting his wife and if it was a big decision to get married because he was pretty big. Adam said it was just a short time before she moved in with him. He said they kind of gave into that immediately. He said they lived together and then got married. He said it wasn't the next week but they were together right after they met. Howard asked if it's hard to hang around with a guy like Spade who is a playboy. Howard said Spade wrote to him about getting busted in Hawaii when he was with another woman. Howard asked if he gets jealous. Adam said he doesn't get jealous. He said he's happy when David is happy. He said he was with him last night. He said he's happy. He said he likes David's life.
Howard asked if he has to approve of these people. Adam said not at all. Howard said David says he wants to be married. Adam said he does say that. He said he's not 100 percent capable though. He said he's scared of his behavior sometimes. Adam said David does want it though. He said he has some stuff in his background that messes with it. Howard said that he has to take that leap of faith and he's not able to take it. Adam said David isn't good with that. He said when they hang out it's a couple hours of a good time but then David wants to be David. He said he's a hit and run specialist.
Howard said he saw that Adam is with Rob Schneider today. He said he loves Rob. Adam said he'll come in if he wants him to. Howard said if he had to choose between Rob and Spade who would he pick. Adam said they're both screaming ''help me, help me...'' He said he'd let them both die.
Howard asked if Adam feels like the other guys are jealous at all. Adam said not at all. He said he knows he's had it easier than some but he thinks they're all past that stuff.
Howard said Adam is there promoting his new movie but also his stand up at Westbury. Howard said it's Adam and who. Adam said it's him, Spade, Schneider and nick Swardson. Howard said it sounds like a fun night. Adam said they were in Texas last night and he didn't sleep. He said he thinks that's why he's babbling a bit this morning. Howard asked why he's doing that to himself. Adam said he's having a great time running around. He said they wrote some good shit and he's having a fun time. Howard said he's on the road. Adam said it's just for a week.
Howard said Adam flew there and didn't sleep. Adam said he didn't. He tried to sleep. He said Spade slept for like 2 and a half hours. Adam said that it reminds him of the nights on Saturday Night Live staying up and having a good time.
Howard asked Adam if it's exhausting to do that. Howard said he saw that Lorne Michaels was in the movie. He said that was nice of him to do because he was fired from Saturday Night Live. Adam said that was something else.
Howard said he saw the movie Shakes the Clown and Adam was in it. Howard said Bob Goldthwait directed that. Howard asked what happened to Bobcat. Adam said he just went a different direction. He said he still goes out on the road and kills. He said he doesn't think he does that voice anymore though. He said he's not doing the character but he's a very smart and sweet guy. Howard said imagine having to give that character up. He said he'd read about the life of Jim Carrey and he had to stop doing impressions on stage. Howard said that's fucking crazy. Adam said that would be tough to make a switch like that.
Howard said Adam saw guys like Chris Rock starting out. He said it was Chris and Jon Stewart. Howard said he needs to know if they were bad at stand up when they started out. Adam said no. He said the thing about Chris Rock and Jon Stewart and all of them is that they'd go on at the Comic Strip and places like that. He said they weren't great yet. He said they were young. He said what they had in common is that they weren't afraid of not doing well. He said it didn't rattle them if they didn't do well.
Howard said that they weren't affected by bombing. Adam said when they did well that was a great feeling. He said the guys you loved were the guys who would do their stuff and stay true to who they were. He said the crowd hated them and they'd just plow through.
Howard said he wants to know if Jon Stewart and guys like that were the worst. Howard said he was the worst when he started on radio. Adam said he thought Howard had confidence. He said he's been listening for a long time. Howard said he was horrible when he started. Adam said he was terrible. He said he thinks it took him the longest to figure out what he was doing up there. He said Rock was always Rock. He said he was pretty much consistent from the start. He said his material was unbelievable back then. He said he'd say stuff that stunned people. Adam said that someone said that he couldn't follow Rock because he was that good. Howard said it reminds him of radio. Howard said he used to follow Meg Griffin and she was so good and he was still sounding awful. He said he couldn't fathom how they did it.
Adam said he used to watch Kevin Meaney do his thing and he'd kill and then you knew you couldn't follow that. Howard asked Adam why he stayed in it. Adam said he was so crazy when he was young. He said he thought he was going to be huge. He said his brother sent him on his way to be a comedian. He said he told him he was as funny as Eddie Murphy and he believed him.
Howard said he used to get upset when a girl didn't see how he was going to be great one day. Adam said he would do that kind of thing too. He said that he wasn't able to quit because he had to make it because that's what he told people he was going to do.
Howard said his father didn't believe that he was going to make a million dollars some day. He said his father would call him stupid.
Adam said he went to NYU for acting and one of the teachers said bad things about him in a report card. He said they said he should find something else to do because he's horrible. He said his father said they have to think about this and maybe think of something else. His mother was fine with him doing what he wanted.
Howard asked if Adam worries about putting his kids in the movie. Adam said they just have a good time. He said that they don't talk about making movies. They're just goofing off with Dad. Howard said that he remembers going to get tested at the B'nai B'rith center and they told him he should be a speech pathologist. He said he didn't want to be a speech therapist. Howard said he had a bad voice when he started out. He said it was really bad. Adam said he had that when he was starting out too. He said he didn't have the confidence when he started out.
Howard asked who his influences were. Adam said that Rodney and Eddie Murphy were the big ones. He said that he and his dad saw Rodney together. He said he got to know him and he loved the guy. He said he loved all of the older guys. He said he thinks the first guy he saw was Dave Allen. He said he was an English comedian. He said he went with the family at like 10 or 11. He said he saw a live comedian and he loved it. Adam said he didn't say he had to do it but he liked this comedy shit. He said his dad got him a lot of records and they'd listen to that stuff.
Howard said when you go back and listen to that stuff you'd think it would scare you. He said that he likes to paint but he paints like shit compared to the pros. Howard said you end up carrying on somehow. Adam said he just wanted to do what those guys were doing. He said he got the rhythm of comedy. He said he liked it.
Howard said it's like you pick the one thing you love and put your 10,000 hours into it and get good at it. Adam said he is aware of people saying that they think he throws this shit together but he works hard at it. He said they care about what they do. Howard said that's the difference. Howard said he put in thousands of hours trying to get better. He said it's not always the funny guy who starts out but the guy who works the hardest.
Howard said Adam told a funny story about Rickles on jimmy's show. He said he was such a great guy. Howard said he'd get happy when he saw Rickles. Howard said Adam told a story about Don coming over to a table when he was with Steve Buscemi. Howard said Rickles was so great. He said the story was that he was eating with Steve Buscemi and Rickles turned to him and says what. Adam said don said something like ''Someone needs braces'' when he saw Buscemi. Howard said that's something when you can do that and get away with it. Adam said Buscemi laughed his ass off. He said that Don looked at him and said ''Isn't this exciting. this is a big night for you because I'm here.''
Howard said they should say hello to Rob Schneider. Howard said they talked about Deuce Bigalow last time Adam was there. Gary brought Rob in and Rob said they're wasting a lot of time with this. Howard said he's on a schedule. Howard said this is another teaming of Adam and Rob in Sandy Wexler. Howard said they seem to love each other. Rob said Adam has been nice enough to include him in his success story. He said that he's hanging on as hard as he can with his fingers. He said he needs more because his wife has a credit card.
Howard said Rob put together Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo. Rob said Adam produced it. He said it wouldn't have happened without him. Adam said that this guy Todd from Disney was in it too. He said he told him that Rob is hilarious. Rob said they were going to call it Deuce Baggio but Todd told them to change it. Howard said that's even funnier. Adam said Rob was the creative guy. Rob said Adam was the one who suggested he go up to the fish tank and go ''Hey fishy, fishy...''
Howard said that they lived together with Judd Apatow at one point. Rob said he lived across the street. He said Adam lived with him. Rob said he went over when his wife kicked him out of the house he went over and asked to stay with them.
Rob said he figured they never would have gotten anything but then Judd got a movie. He said you get something and you think they can be something. Howard asked who got on Saturday Night Live first. Rob said he did. Adam said he was left back in L.A. He said he did show up 6 months later though. He said Rob was the first one to hit in their cast. Rob said a lot of good that did him. He said Adam has lapped him.
Howard said he wishes he had tape of them hanging out back then with Judd and David Spade. Adam said that Spade and Rob got to Saturday Night Live first. He said they paved the way. Rob said he remembers the first week that Adam was on the show and he had stayed up all night writing stuff. He said they wrote something for the show and they gave it to someone in the cast. Howard said Adam was hired as a writer over there. Rob said they told Adam if he could do something more retarded than someone else he'd get it.
Howard said Alec Baldwin is getting the Trump stuff now and the staff must hate that. Rob said he guarantees they hate him over there. Howard said Alec is even doing Bill O'Reilly over there now.
Rob said that what happens when you get to Saturday Night Live you get more and more and you can upgrade your friends and girlfriends. He said Adam hit it hard. He said he went to Adam's and he had a new couch. He said he asked where he got it. He said he did the Sweatshirt Song and the Hanukkah song and Spielberg called. Adam said he called about the Sweatshirt song. He said the Cajun Man was big too. Howard said he got a call from Spielberg and what did he ask. Adam said he left a nice message and he was shooting Schindler's List. Howard said Adam would have been perfect for that.
Adam said Spielberg told him it was depressing to shoot the movie and someone brought the song to him and played him the tape. He said it helped him laugh during the shoot. Howard said he must have thought that he'd get a role in a movie. Adam said that never happened. Rob said it was like an explosion when he was on. He said they'd get Adam on and he blew up.
Howard asked what the big bit was for Rob. Rob said it was the copy machine guy. He said Jim Downey told him to do something funnier than anyone there and that's what he tried. Adam said that the morning DJs were trying that. Rob said he met Howard the week after that. He said Howard told him to tell Dana Carvey to do a nice impression of him on the show. Howard said he remembers Adam playing Baba Booey on the show. Adam said that was a big deal for him.
Howard said it would be funny if they just had Alec Baldwin the whole show and no one else. Rob said he did two characters the other day. Adam said he was on the show maybe 3 and a half years and he never felt as loose as Alec Baldwin did. Rob said he was there in 1990 for the first time. He said he could have been in the original cast. Howard said he's an actor so maybe that's why he's comfortable. Adam said anyone who was on a sitcom was good. He said Christina Applegate was like that. Rob said they do so many changes during the week so it's hard to keep up.
Howard asked if it was great working with Christina. Rob said he told her to come over and she said that they were making like a nickel a week so it wasn't worth it. Adam said there was talk of Jennifer Aniston working there but then she went and did Friends. Howard asked if she has hosted Saturday Night Live. Adam said he doesn't know about that. He said that Rob was the first giant on the show. Adam said that Dennis Miller pointed that out. Rob said Dennis was responsible for them getting on the show. Adam said he was always so great. Howard said he's now a conservative radio talk show host. Howard said this is a whole new Dennis. Adam said he just talks to him as Dennis. He said he likes listening to the guy. Howard said he's amazing. Rob said he's still Dennis to him. He said he had some great jokes. He said he likes the way his brain thinks.
Howard said it's crazy how many good guys come out of that show. Rob said they had a way of finding it. He said you're going to hit it at one point.
Howard said he imagines the pressure working there. Adam said it was a lot of pressure. He said they used to go to Planet Hollywood and you knew the young people would show up and maybe recognize you. He said he was there with Rob and people went bananas over that character he did with the Copy Machine. Rob said Adam got on Letterman after Saturday Night Live. He said he got on before he was on. Rob said they were walking in the village and everyone recognized Adam from doing Letterman. Adam said he was still doing stand up back then so that's what he did on the show. Rob said he did wear the same outfit the next day after Letterman. Howard asked if it was crazy picking the material for that. Adam said it was tough. He said he always wanted Letterman and Howard to like him. He said he thought Letterman might laugh at some of his stuff. He said he laughed at one of his jokes and he went home with that. He said Rob was the first one on Letterman too. He was like 22 years old. Rob said this was in the 80s so they didn't have the audience mic'd. He said Letterman was the one laughing. He said by the third joke they were laughing and it killed.
Adam said he remembers Howard going on Letterman. Howard said he was out of his mind. He said he walked in there so arrogant and angry. He said he was telling Letterman what he was going to do. He said he was a neurotic mess. He said he wondered who the fuck he was doing that. Rob said it worked. Howard said he can't watch it now. He cringes.
Howard asked if they can believe Al Franken is a senator now. Adam said it's crazy. Howard said he's a good one too. Howard asked if Al was gracious there. Rob said no but Adam said he was. Adam said he didn't get him when he first got there. Rob said that Adam was knocking everyone down and getting everyone out of his way. Howard said he sees Franken on the TV and he thinks it's a sketch. He said he loves the guy though.
Adam said Al was nice to him. Adam said he would just stare at him at the read throughs. Rob said they'd be dying laughing and Al would say he doesn't get why it's funny. He said then Adam would go up and murder and destroy. He said Al was just from a different generation. Howard asked if that killed Adam. Adam said it did hurt. He said Jim Downey and Smigel and those guys all put him in skits. He said that some of the sillier shit he did Al didn't like.
Howard asked if they have an office to sit and write in. Adam said yes. Rob said they'd give you like a half an office. He said he had the grate where the heating and air conditioning came in so it was either boiling hot or freezing cold. Adam asked who he shared an office with. Rob said he didn't have one. He said they eventually shared a dressing room with Adam. He said Adam would ask him questions like ''Should I shave my pubes for this one?''
Rob said that Adam would write something with Robert Smigel and he remembers how much fun they had doing that. Howard asked if they ever wrote something really funny that never got on Saturday Night Live. Rob said he did something Iraqi Pete. Adam said Franken actually wrote that. Rob said that you see that and you end up on the floor laughing. Howard asked Adam what he wrote that never got on the air. Rob said he has one. He said it was James Bond: HIV. He did his impression of what that would sound like. Howard was cracking up hearing the bit. Howard asked how that never got on the air.
Howard asked Adam if he had any. Adam said nothing as good as that. Rob said they wrote a bit where they had an Indian casino and Harvey Keitel was laughing so hard that they cut it from the live show. He said it was really funny. He told Howard what that would have sounded like. Rob said he'd send that stuff to his friends and tell them that it could have gotten on.
Howard said David Spade was jealous of the copy machine bit. Rob said when he and Spade were working Adam would write a movie and let them work it out there. Howard asked if he'll write him a movie.
Robin asked if Adam feels like he has his guys with this group. Rob said they do. He said they have Colin Quinn too. Howard said he's in the new movie. Howard said he looks very young in that movie.
Rob said that Howard is loyal to people too. He said that Adam and Howard have that same love of people. Howard said they worked it out last time Adam was on. Adam said he hears about that show like 5 times a week. Howard said he's glad they had him on. He said he really enjoys him. Howard said he likes what Adam and Rob are doing on film now. He said he likes what Netflix is doing. Adam said the movie is coming out next week on Netflix. Howard asked if they had a premiere. Adam said they did. Howard said he needs to have one. Rob said they have to do that for Sandman.
Howard asked if it's liberating when they don't have a box office. Adam said it's great. He said they tell him how things are going after a couple of weeks. Adam said if he mentions a topic to them they will tell him if it's not a good subject for world wide. He said he does put a lot of thought into that stuff.
Howard asked Rob what he has coming out. Rob said he has a show called Real Rob. He said that's coming out in July. Rob said he'll come back for that.
Rob said Howard has such loyal fans and he has one who said if Howard goes off the air she doesn't know what she's going to do. Howard said that these guys are great. He gave Adam a plug for the Sandy Wexler movie. He said Al Franken wants to see that. Robin said he says he gets it now. Howard said it's out on the 14th on Netflix. Howard said you can check out some clips on HowardStern.com including one with Gary in it. Howard asked if Baba Booey was the highlight of his career. Adam said he was a gentleman out there. He said it was him and Louie Anderson together. Rob said it was a key scene in the movie. Adam said he met Gary's son out there too.
Howard said he heard they used Gary's teeth to white balance the camera. Robin said they didn't need a slate. Howard said check out those clips on HowardStern.com. He thanked the guys for coming in. He gave them another plug for the Westbury show too.
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Robin started her news talking about the story Jason told about the kid who was up there calling him names and how people don't know what to do with their kids these days. Robin said there's a story about some kids who partied so much and got so rowdy at a Penn State party that they're thinking of stopping ''Greek life'' there. Robin said parents and underage people were drinking there. Howard said that's like Animal House. Robin said they may stop the fraternity culture there because of this party.
Robin read a story about David Letterman and the sex scandal he had. Robin said there's a new book out about Dave and he's been quoted as saying that was the lowest point in his career. Robin said Dave says he hurt everyone in his family at the time. Robin said there's also news that Dave's mom died at the age of 95. Robin said she was well known on Dave's show because she was on all the time. Robin said she even wrote a book and signed autographs. Robin said it was a cook book.
Robin read a story about Bill O'Reilly taking a break from his show. Howard said he loves hearing news about Bill O'Reilly. He said he can't get enough. He said maybe it is good he's taking a vacation. Howard said sometimes you forget about scandals like that. Robin said Bill told his audience he's taking a little vacation last night. Howard played a clip that the guys put together of Bill saying he wants to fuck the shit out of Robin. Robin said he has lost over 40 advertisers since the sex scandal broke.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants a job with him so bad. Howard asked if he has any radio experience at all. The caller said no. Howard said he's perfect for this job. Howard said when he looks at the people who work there they have no radio experience at all. He said maybe he can take the job of keeping Benjy away from him. The caller said he can do that. Howard told him to get him his resume immediately.
Robin read a story about how Stephen Colbert was number 1 last week again and he only had 2 original broadcasts. Robin said he had 3.05 million to Fallon's 2.8 million viewers. Howard said Fallon has some things planned to take that spot back. He told some stories about how Jimmy has some cock fighting bit he wants to do and it doesn't involve chickens. Howard said that Jimmy called Bubba and got permission for Shock the Puss. He also bought the shit in the fan bit from Bubba. Fred kept playing George Takei laughs while Howard was talking about that. He said Dame Judi Dench is going to be the first one to get her puss shocked. Howard said Jimmy told him he's going to spray liquid ass on Madonna too. He said Colbert had better be on his game.
Robin read a story about the guy who was dragged off the United flight still hasn't made it back to Kentucky. Robin said he told a radio station that he is recovering and when asked what his injuries were he said ''everything.'' Howard said the guy was in fine shape and now he's being discussed all over. Howard said he's one guy who has no secrets. Robin said he's still getting huge support on the internet. Robin said law makers also say that his background had nothing to do with why he was dragged off that flight. Howard said Gary got forced off a plane once for weight distribution. Gary said they had to get 4 people off the plane that day. Howard said he has the guy from the flight on the phone. He picked up and he said he'll stay quiet and maybe they won't throw him off. He played some screaming clips. Howard said he saw that coming. Howard played the Dueling Banjos song with Benjy and that United guy again. Howard said they really need to have rules about keeping seats open for the crew on flights. Howard said once you're a target just get off the fucking plane. He said you don't want to but just do it. Robin said that his family is saying he's not going to say more about this until he's better. Robin said there's another story about a guy who was told he was going to be taken off a flight forcibly if he didn't leave. Robin said he was taken out of first class and put in economy. Robin said he's suing United for that. Robin had some audio of some people protesting United and their treatment of Dr. David Dao. Robin said now United is apologizing to Dr. Dao and saying this will never happen again on United. Robin said Chris Christie wants this practice to kick people off to come to an end. Howard said now they'll over book and you'll end up sitting on the pilot's lap.
Robin read a story about president Trump and how he's vowing to renegotiate trade deals. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Robin said he's also comparing himself to the previous administration in everything he does. Robin said he said they're not going into Syria. Robin said he also said that the missile strike he ordered should have been done by Obama long before he did it.
Robin read about how Sean Spicer made the flub of the century by saying Assad is worse than Hitler. He said that Hitler never used chemical weapons on his own people. Robin said he was wrong and he did gas his own people. Robin said now Sean Spicer is getting a history lesson. Robin had some audio of Spicer explaining himself. Howard said they talked about this earlier this morning. Robin said it deserves replaying.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk about Dr. Dao. He asked if Ralph is an investment genius. He said he bought in on the stock and made $200. Howard said Ralph does invest. Howard said he's always telling him about stock. He said he gave him some advice and said buy low, sell high.
Robin said there is some changing of the guard around Trump. Robin said they're saying that Ivanka's husband Jared has become his main advisor and he doesn't get along with Steve Bannon. Robin said everyone is watching the shake up over there.
Robin asked when you take the car keys from older people. Howard told her not to get him started. Howard said for most men that's the masculine thing for them to do. Howard said you have to stop at some point. Howard said it's a tough thing taking away someone's freedom. Howard said they could have Alzheimers and they think they can still drive. Robin said the National Geriatric Society is working to come up with a guide to assess older drivers. Howard said there should be a driving test for older people. Robin said they should have a test to prove that you can still drive. Howard said maybe if you still use a VCR you shouldn't be driving.
Howard said he can't stop thinking about Sean Spicer. He said he doesn't know what he's doing out there. He said he can't believe he hasn't been fired. He said he should come out and do the Hava Nagila dance to make people forget that fuck up.
Robin read a story about a statue called Fearless Girl that's down on Wall Street in front of the bull. Robin said people like the young girl and people have been lobbying the city to keep it. Robin said the guy who sculpted the bull is saying that the city is violating his rights by letting the girl stay in front of his bull. Robin read about how Alec Baldwin is upset about how his book came out and how many mistakes were in it. Howard said he'll be in there soon to talk about that.
Robin read a story about a sewer that became clogged with condoms and it turns out a massage parlor was accused of prostitution after the condoms clogged the pipes there.
Robin read a story about this week being National Dog Bite week. Robin said that more than 6,700 postal workers were bitten by dogs last year. Robin said they have detailed what you can do to stop your dog from biting you. Robin had some audio of someone explaining what people should do with their dogs to keep them from biting someone. Howard said he wouldn't put up with that bullshit. He said he'd just put on a suit of armor or not go.
Robin read a story about a guy who had a battery blow up in his pocket. Robin said that the guy had an E-Cigarette in his pocket. She had some audio of the guy talking about what happened to him.
Robin told Howard he's been tying his shoes all wrong. Robin said they say that the bunny rabbit tying is all wrong. Howard said it works for Fred. Robin said that tie comes loose. Robin said there are videos now showing how to tie them to stay tight. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 10:55am.