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Howard started the show talking about how he was reading about David Letterman in the Daily News today. He said some guy wrote a book about Letterman. Robin tried talking but her microphone was fucked up. Howard said he can hear her kind of like she's trapped in another dimension. Robin tried talking again and it worked. Howard asked her to say ''testing'' a few times. Howard said it was better. They played the Ben Stern ''testing for proper modulation'' clip.
Howard asked Robin to say she loves his beautiful penis. Robin laughed. Howard said her microphone still sounds weird. He said they can work through it and fix it during the commercials.
Howard said this book about Letterman says he was a hypochondriac. He said he hates books like that. He said they have to come up with stuff like that. Howard read more about the book and some of the crazy stuff Dave was worried about. He was worried about getting tumors on his heart and that's not even a thing. Howard said Dave had a manual from Merck in his office that he'd go through. Howard read some of the other stuff he worried about like the mercury fillings in his teeth and things like that. Howard said he's a bit of a hypochondriac and someone could blow that out of proportion. Howard said leave Dave alone.
Howard said that he'd read anything about David Letterman. He said his wife threw an article on his desk about Dave and he thought he was a homeless man.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the Rolling Stone list of the top 50 comedians of all time. Howard said he hasn't seen it. The caller told him Kinison was number 37 and Richard Pryor was number 1. Howard said he was great but he shouldn't be number 1. The caller said that Eddie Murphy and Eddie Izzard are within one place of each other. The caller said Amy Schumer is on the list. Howard said she's very funny. The caller said Kinison was 37 though. Howard said he should be in the top 5. Howard said Eddie Murphy should be too. Howard asked where Chris Rock is. The caller said he's in the top 10 at least.
Howard read that George Carlin was number 2. He said Lenny Bruce was number 3. He said Louis C.K., Chris Rock, Joan Rivers, Jerry Seinfeld, Bill Cosby were next. He said that Cosby was never funny. He said he knows people like the guy but he found him to be a gigantic bore. He said he understood the sitcoms though.
Dave Chappelle, Steve Martin and others were next on the list. Howard asked who gives a fuck. He said it's all so subjective. The caller said he felt here were people left off the list. The caller asked about Anthony Jeselnik. Howard said he is funny. He said it's all subjective though. He said Cheech and Chong should be on the list too. He said Rodney Dangerfield should be up there too.
Howard had a phony Arnold clip where he told us who was on the show. Lance Armstrong will be coming in today. Howard said he's looking forward to meeting him. Robin said that's shocking. Robin said she wants to know what's harder, telling your kids you lied or telling Oprah. Howard said his question is if shaving your body hair really makes you go after. Howard said he knows guys who bike 30 miles a day and they shave their hair. He said he thinks it's for aesthetics. He said they do it for looks. Robin said they shave their arm and leg hair. Howard said he's heard that they're so weighed down by their arm hair.
Howard said he has a phony phone call to play. He played that call where they had fake Michael Caine call a radio show from an awards show saying wacky stuff about the women at the show.
Howard said that was some Hollywood fun. He said speaking of dick pics Benjy's picture is still getting a lot of attention in the email. He said they rerun the show and people are just hearing about it and getting on the bandwagon.
Howard asked Benjy if he's convinced now that it doesn't look good. Howard said he heard he shaved off his beard. Benjy came in and said that he wanted to look sexy and he thought if he shaved it then it would work. Howard said he does look better actually. Benjy said he thought that was funny but not representative. He said if he goes down on the street right now he'll find some people who like his dick. Howard told him to go ahead. Benjy wanted to bet. Howard said he doesn't care that much. He said if it's important to him then he'll bet him. He said he bets he'll get arrested. Benjy laughed.
Howard said the picture is disturbing. He said anyone who sees it won't like it. Benjy said he has people on Twitter who say it looks good. Howard said they're just messing with him. Howard played a song parody where they had Benjy talking about how much he loves his cock.
Howard said they will send Benjy on the street and then lock the door behind him. Benjy said he's not delusional. Howard said it's a weird choice to do something like that. He said his wife really likes Benjy but now she thinks differently of him. Howard said she thinks he's a weirdo pervert now. Benjy said he believed that he was good looking after she told him he was. Howard said she didn't like the dick pics. Benjy said most chicks aren't into cock pics. Howard said he thinks the first person he finds on the street will say it's disgusting. Robin tried to say something but her microphone was still cutting out. Howard said he's going to take a break so they can fix it. Benjy kept asking about his dick and Howard said they're stuck in the vortex now so they're going to end this. He went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he's been teasing this 15 years of Wendy the Slow Adult and he's going to try to get to that today. He said they've been teasing it for like 4 weeks. Howard said when Nicole Bass died he wanted to do the Wendy thing and they never got to it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the picture of Jillian Barberie on Twitter where she's on her knees. Howard said he didn't see it. Howard said the problem with Jillian's pictures are that they should all be hot but she posts a lot of stuff people aren't interested in. Howard asked if they're old or current. The caller said he thinks it's older. He said it is her in a gold bikini though. Howard asked if it's recent. The caller said it's a Throwback Thursday picture. Howard said it must be from 15 years ago then. The caller said she looks like she has some meat down there. He asked if Howard ever banged her. Howard said he didn't and that's a regret. Howard asked her to show a newspaper with today's date on it when she puts pictures up like that.
Howard said Jillian did offers him sex but he thinks he was in a relationship at the time. Howard said he wishes he had been able to do her. He said that Jenny McCarthy also offered him sex. Howard said with Jillian he was seeing someone and it may have been Beth. Robin said she thinks it was Beth. Howard said he bets she should have been wild. Howard said she's a big fan and she may have worked hard to impress him. He said it takes nothing to impress him though. The caller said he could have had a male, male threesome with her. Howard said he has to talk about Memet. Howard said he's now a male prostitute just about.
Howard said he has a report about Memet. He said they've been talking about him lately. He said he was going to take a break from social media but he's back on. He said he showed a picture of this attractive woman that he was dating and she wanted to have a threesome with another guy and Memet. Howard said she was offering to do one with another woman if he did the guy thing. Howard said a gay guy contacted Memet on social media. He said he offered him $5,000. Howard asked Memet to come in there to talk about this. Howard said the guy offered him 5 grand to blow him but Memet said no but then he was negotiating for other things. Howard said the threesome thing is gay. He said they went through that already. He said Memet can do what he wants.
Howard said Memet is back on social media and he's negotiating with the gay guy. Howard asked him to tell Robin what he was doing. Memet said 5 grand is a lot of money. He said that he said no to the guy sucking his penis. He said then he was thinking about it and he did suggest to him... Howard and Robin both laughed. Memet said that he asked if he could just let the guy watch if he was with a chick and the guy said he'd think about it.
Howard said he heard he was going to sit in the room and jerk off while he's watching. Memet said he thinks he'd have to let him do that. Howard asked if this bothers him where his life is going. Howard said he's there nude and this guy is watching. Howard said this guy is going to be there nude and watching him. Memet said the reality is that he's going to have sex with a girl no matter what. He said on top of that he could get 5,000 dollars. He said he'd have to split it with the girl too. Howard asked if he's going to build up a host of people for this. Memet said he's not. He said if he got 5 grand every week he could retire early. He said that he doesn't see anything wrong with that.
Howard asked what his goal is. Memet said his goal was to come there and he has achieved that already. Howard said when he was fresh out of college he was looking for jobs. He said he had studied film and TV and that was basically nothing. Howard said he wasn't able to get a job. He said he went into a film editing studio and asked for a job. He said the guy said he edits porn. Howard said he was looking for an assistant. He said he'd be on set and he'd be helping to promote films. He said he was 20-something at the time. He said he came home and thought about getting the job offer. He said his parents sat him down and he thought about it. Howard said they asked if he wanted to be in pornography. He said he would be learning about film. Howard asked if Memet really wants to fuck girls in front of guys for money. He said it's like doing porn. Memet said it's not like doing porn. Howard said he turned down the job because it's kind of skeezy. Memet said he thinks it's kind of cool.
Howard said what's not cool is that this guy is a lonely guy who wants to have sex with Memet. He said he can't do it but he's going to pay him to get into his bedroom. Howard said he's going to be performing for the guy and that's kind of skeezy. He said that this guy he doesn't even know and he's not sure what he's in for.
Howard said this is like a fork in the road and you can't turn back from it. Memet said he hasn't done it but he's playing it out in his head. He said as long as he gets the $5,000 then he's good. Howard asked if he wants to do this for money. Memet said he's not a hooker. He said it's no more shameful than anything. He said he has a real job where he earns an honest living.
Howard said maybe they can put him on a webcam. Memet said he's just going to be doing it with one guy. He doesn't want to do it in front of an audience. He said he wasn't planning on doing that. He said that he's planning on having sex with a woman. He said that he's not going to open his laptop and perform for the camera. Howard said he's a live performer. Memet said put himself in his shoes for a second. He said he's a young dude and that's a lot of money. Howard said it is but he had no money and he was offered a job in the sex industry and he turned it down. Memet said he knows they're going to spin it as sad and pathetic. He said he's complimented by the offer. Howard asked if he's really going to do this. Memet said 5-10 years ago he didn't have anyone even looking at him. He said now he's offered 5 grand to do this.
Howard asked Memet if he gave him 5 grand now would he go in and jerk off in front of him. Memet said he sees that as a gay act. Howard said he's not going to touch it. Memet said he couldn't perform with that. Fred played the Mr. Softee theme song. Memet said that's it exactly.
Howard asked Memet if he'd jerk off for him if there was a girl in the room. Memet said if he was hidden maybe. Howard asked if he really wants to get into this line of work. Memet said it's not porn. Howard said it is like a prostitute.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back saying he was a writer at the Jimmy Kimmel show. He said he's doing the same thing and they have writers from other shows where they get together and blow each other.
Memet said there's another guy who wanted to have dinner with him for $500. He said he won't do that though. He said the 5 grand is his minimum. Howard said he knew a kid who gave him 25 cents a day to be his friend. He said his mother heard about it and made him return the money. He said it was just sad. He said it was a good lesson for him to learn. He said he felt funny taking the money. Howard asked if Memet really wants this in his life. Memet said it never crossed his mind until someone asked. He said he's not repelled by it.
Howard said Richard says he'll give him $5 to fart in his face. Memet said no to that.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said Memet is popular in the gay community and he has to get used to this. Howard asked if Janks would pay him. Janks said he'd give him $500 if he let him blow him. Janks said there is a difference between doing something and not doing something. He told him to just go with the flow. Howard said he can get another $500 if he just lets Janks blow him.
Howard asked Memet if he wants to be that guy who gets 5 grand to do sex acts in front of someone. Memet said that he could make some money. Howard asked why he'd want to be that guy. Memet said 5 grand is a Hawaiian vacation. Howard said this is fucking dark. Howard said Gary thinks he's a douche. Gary said the thing is that there are days when he feels sorry for him. He said he's so detached from emotion. He said he stopped him the other day and said he would do the two guy threesome. Gary said he told him he wouldn't and he asked if he thinks about getting old thinking about what he did. He said that he wondered at what point he will have enough money not to do this. He asked if the future employers will think about it too. Memet said that's a fair point.
Howard said Benjy thinks this is a great idea. Howard said when he thinks it's a great idea he has to question it. Memet said that the guys in the office prostitute themselves in different ways. He said he's going to do it behind closed doors.
Gary said that he thinks everyone should follow his rules but he's all over the place. Memet said he's not preaching to anyone. Gary asked if he really thinks that he's jealous of him. Memet said that Gary isn't in the top of that list. Gary said he's such a douche that he has tiers on that list. Memet said there is jealousy there. Gary said it's not what he thinks. He said they talk about him and say they can't believe that he thinks they're jealous.
Howard asked if the girl is up for this. Memet said he hasn't brought it up. Howard said he might just bring up the money part. Robin said just talking about this is crazy. Memet said he was bragging but now he feels embarrassed. Memet said Howard has to think that he'd be complimented by this. Howard said maybe he would be but it would end there.
Memet said the offer is on the table and he's thinking about it. He said they're in deep negotiation. Howard said the same guy made the same offer to Benjy but it was only for $17.
Memet asked Howard if he was offered another 20 grand to go to work would he take it. Howard said this is a fucked up thing. He said if he's going to go to work that's one thing. He said Memet isn't going to work. HE's going to fuck some girl with a guy watching. Memet said the guy will be in a corner somewhere watching. He said he won't be able to see him. Howard said this is a dark hole he's going down. Howard said Hawaii isn't a great place to go. He said he's been more broke than Memet before. He said he worked for $96 a week for 2 years. He said he knows money is a temptation. He said this isn't like being paid extra at work. Howard said this is taking money from a lonely man while he's having sex.
Howard asked Memet if he could take money from a lonely old woman who wanted to have sex with him. Memet said he might. Howard asked if he really wants to be that guy. He said he's going to be haunted by this the rest of his life. Memet laughed.
Robin said that Memet said that he would pay women for sex if he was wealthy. Memet said if it's your dream girl that you're having sex with it's not weird. Howard said he wants to know when he does the 5 grand thing. Memet said he won't do it now. He said they've bummed him out. Memet said he thought it was kind of cool. Howard asked if the guy offered him 10 grand to rub his cock, would he do it. Memet said if it's 15 grand... He said logically thinking in his head he's thinking that if he was watching straight porn the answer wouldn't be no immediately.
Ronnie came in and said he has a lot of questions. He said Memet thinks he's going to get rich doing this. He said he wants to know here he meets these people. Memet said they find him online. Ronnie said one day he's going to come in there beat up. He said he doesn't know who he's dealing with. He said some of these people are really sick. He said they will beat the shit out of him.
Memet asked Ronnie when he was 20-something and he was going to have sex with a chick and some dude was willing to throw him $5,000 to bang the chick he would have taken the deal. Ronnie said no. He said you don't know what you're getting involved with. He said you don't know what could happen to you. He said this isn't North Carolina. He said that he's getting involved in shit he doesn't know about. Memet said that he doesn't know who this guy is and what he's all about. Memet said you can see them online and see what they're all about.
Memet said that maybe the danger is a real point. Howard said he's off his rocker. Memet said things are moving really fast. He said that it went from the threesome to this 5 grand and he can't think it through. Howard said he has to slow it down. Memet said he's trying. He said he hasn't cum in like 5 weeks. Ronnie said just wait until he gets the money and he walks out and gets robbed.
Gary asked what's going to happen if someone has a camera on him. Howard said he has a guy on the phone who has a question for him. He picked up on the guy who was saying he was Liberace. He was asking Memet to watch him take a shit and then piss on his neck for 20 grand. He sang a little bit for him too. He had Howard cracking up.
Howard said he's trying to guide Memet because he's a friend. He said he'd feel weird not saying something. He said he can't stop the guy.
Howard asked Memet what it would take to fuck him in the ass. Memet said it would have to be enough to retire and disappear. Howard said there is a price then. Memet said that it would be millions. He said he would take it in the ass for millions. Memet said the rest of them are so uptight. Ronnie said Scott the Engineer was going to take it in the ass for $250,000. Howard said Memet is taking money for sex.
Howard took a call from a guy who said when you take money for sex it's prostitution. He said this is being a sex worker if you're taking money for someone to watch you have sex. Memet said that he's planning on having sex and this guy is just going to come in and watch. He said he's already having sex. Howard asked if he's going to let the guy drink a cup of cum for an extra 50. Memet said that has nothing to do with him. He said there will be cum coming out of his penis no matter what. He said he's not going to do this now though. He said he's sorry to the guy who he's been in contact with.
Howard asked why they're affecting him. Memet said society is so backwards. He said he doesn't want to be known as a sex worker. He said the world doesn't want this. He said it's just a nice bonus if he gets paid to do this.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who said he's jealous. Memet said he's not even going there with this dude. Howard let him go a short time later.
Memet said the guys back there take money for way more humiliating things. Ronnie asked for what. Gary said Memet was going to say they use the show for their own monetary gain. He said no one is paying Memet as a private citizen. Howard said he's going to be their sex worker. Memet said no. Howard thanked him for coming in. He said he's going to let him go. He said that he's getting darker and darker. Ronnie said you can't talk sense to him. Howard said Ronnie wouldn't have done that. Ronnie said he would go to a whore to get a blow job but that's about it. Howard went to break a short time later
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Howard played some of the Limp Bizkit song and then some Soundgarden. He said those guys were really good too. Howard played some Blink 182 and said it was so good he wrote it all down. He said Gary said that Madison was on the show and she took her top off for them. Robin said it was when they first got to Sirius. Howard didn't remember that. Gary said she volunteered to be their first topless person on the show. Howard said he never sees any of these people up there. He said she was pretty good. Robin said she was on a show called the Friday Show. Gary said he and Jon Hein and Ralph did that show. He said she sang the theme song for that show.
Howard said they played Collective Soul too. Howard played some of their song. Howard said this is so good. He said he likes it. Robin said she tries everything in that section. She said he likes that station and others around that station. Howard said you can tune over there when you're not listening to them.
Robin said people like other music. Howard said that they don't. He said they just want this. Howard said he got a note saying that Madison walks around selling Girl Scout Cookies for her daughter. Howard said that's annoying. Howard asked how you say no to that. He said you're not supposed to do that. Robin said Sal said that because he's annoyed. Sal said he thought it was nice. Sal said that Madison is a sweet girl. He said she's a big fan of the show too. Howard told him to get out of here.
Howard asked Sal if he thinks the Memet thing is weird. Sal said in his 20s... He said he has no problem with it. He said he's dipped his balls in chocolate for the show. He said he's the wrong one to ask about it.
Howard asked Sal if he's darker than Memet. Sal asked Memet if he can talk about the clamps thing. Sal said he has something called an iron doggy spreader bar. Howard asked what that is. Sal said that's about 20 years in prison. Sal said when you lock your hands and head in a stockade it's like that. He said you put your ankles and wrists together and then the girl is helpless. He said that you fuck her while she's in that thing. Howard said he thinks Memet will be clamping himself in that thing. Howard asked if Memet has ever done that. Sal said he'd have to ask Memet about that.
Sal said one thing Memet said is that they really have to trust you because you can literally just throw them out the window. Howard said what a lunatic. He said he had better stay away from his daughter.
Gary said he found a picture of someone in one of these things. Howard looked and said ''Oh my god!'' He laughed. Robin said there's something wrong there. Howard said no shit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's right about the Lithium station. He said that's the best music. He said he grew up around then and he thought it sucked back then but now he loves it.
Howard said he picked some moments from when Wendy first called. He said this was from 2002. Howard said they knew nothing about her at the time. He played the clip where Wendy read the poem about him. In the clip Wendy revealed that she can't rhyme a poem and that she was born a little retarded. Howard said she's like a retarded Robert Frost.
Howard said Wendy said she admitted she has wet dreams about him. He played a clip of her talking about that. Wendy said she runs into walls when she sleep walks.
Howard played another clip where Wendy talked about shoving a tomato up her ass after someone offered to pay her to do that. She said she ate it after it came out. Howard said she didn't get paid either. Howard said that's a good lesson for Memet. Howard said he might not get paid.
Howard played a clip of Wendy asking him for money one of the first times she called the show. Howard had a whole montage of Wendy asking for money over the years. Howard said the actual montage was 3 days long but they had to cut it down to something manageable.
Howard said Wendy is very good at begging. Howard said here is a darker side to her too. Howard said he has a voicemail she left in 2004 when her power went out during a tropical storm. He had a clip of Wendy screaming about wanting her power on and her computer on. Wendy said she was going nuts without power. She hadn't taken a shower for 3 days. Howard said that's one of his favorites. Howard said she was very angry.
Howard said for a long time he called her Wendy the Retard but those were different times. Howard said in 2014 they changed her name to Wendy the Slow Adult. Howard had a clip from the day she was in to talk about that. Howard said a lot of people likened that to when Prince changed his name.
Howard said Wendy had some trouble getting used to her name. He played a clip where Wendy was talking about how she is a retard and she was proud.
Howard said last year they found out Wendy doesn't think she's fully retarded. He said they asked her during the Special People's Court. She said she was half retarded and half human. She said her mom is human and her dad is retarded.
Howard said that when they started on Sirius they broadcast Wendy live for 24 hours straight. Howard said there was a lot of snoring and some drumming. He said that was one of the first things they did there. Howard said this is some audio of her eating a sandwich. Howard said this is the first time they've played a clip in 10 years. Howard played the clip and Wendy was chewing like a cow. Howard said they were so proud of this. He said Wendy did no prep for the show either. Howard said Wendy's diet is disgusting. Howard said in 2005 she was throwing up while she was on the phone. He played another clip of her doing that.
Howard said Wendy told them she takes 4 giant shits a day. Howard played a clip of her talking to him about that. She said most of it is hard.
Howard said sometimes Wendy will answer ''yes'' to every question. Howard had a montage of Wendy saying ''yes'' to everything she was asked about.
Howard said Wendy is radio gold. He said that one of her hobbies is watching horror movies. He said that might not be the best idea for someone like that. Howard said in this clip she left a voicemail for Richard Christy as Freddy Krueger. Howard said she must do that all day at home. Howard played that clip next. She was making all kinds of weird noises as Freddy. Howard said Wendy left that voicemail in the middle of the night.
Howard said they did Hollyweird Squares with Wendy and Daniel Carver was there. He said Wendy was on the show and she fell asleep in her square. He said that delighted them. Howard said this was in 2003. Howard played that clip and Wendy was sleeping and breathing into her microphone really loud. Robin said she forgot about that.
Howard said Wendy was on the show right before Hugh Grant came in a couple of years ago. She shit her diaper right before he came in. Shuli made her laugh and she shit her pants because of that. Howard played that clip too.
Howard said they love Wendy so much. He said for 15 years she's brought them happiness. Robin said she was also a Karaoke lover. Howard said some of her best Karaoke moments are in montage form. He played a clip of Wendy singing a bunch of songs.
Howard said that's why he doesn't want Karaoke at his Christmas party anymore. Howard said if you're a fan of Wendy we all want to salute her. Howard said she's in the top 5 of Wack Packers of all time. Howard said some people put her at number 1. Howard said they salute Wendy the Slow Adult.
Howard said on Friday they're playing a Sternthology special with Wendy hosting and it's called Slowthology. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that everyone loves that song. He said David Spade loves that as his favorite. Howard said Lance Armstrong is there. He said that Lance is the only bicycle rider he's ever known the name of. Howard said he's there to promote his podcast. Howard said everyone has one these days. Lance said he heard Howard is a big fan of podcasts. Howard said it's like if everyone said they could ride a bicycle fast. Howard said everyone has a radio show now. He said he had to work at it for years. He said it's not fair. Lance said he has one so he's not sure what to say. Howard said it's like if he just hopped on a bicycle and won the Tour de France.
Lance said that Howard ended up at some station and he eventually ended up there. Lance said he doesn't think he has any chance of putting Howard out of business. Howard asked what he does on the podcast. Lance said he interviews people for an hour. Lance said he can travel with his gear too. Howard said you can find it at LanceArmstrong.com. Lance said that it's also on iTunes.
Howard said Lance is the only big name he's ever heard in bicycle racing. Lance said there were others. Howard said Lance was the greatest ever. He said he broke through. Lance said that he was sick and that elevated it to the level he got to. Howard said a doctor found that his heart can handle stress more or something. Howard said to have that kind of endurance its remarkable. Howard said the Tour de France goes on for like 20 days. Lance said it's 3 weeks. Howard said he has to ride for 5 hours a day. He said he has to do that every day. Lance said you don't have to win every day. Howard said it's quite an accomplishment. Howard said they did find something with his heart. Lance said there are always these stories. He said anyone who is in the Tour has strengths like that. Lance said there are other things that can help. He said at the end of the day it all matters but luck is so important.
Howard asked about a race that he was in and he crashed because of a fan handing him something. Lance said he wasn't handing him anything but it was a kid who was waving a bag and his brake caught it and he went down. Howard asked if he knew he was going down. Lance said he shouldn't have been that close. Howard said it looks like they're really close out there. Lance said they are and it happens all the time.
Howard asked lance about being a good athlete as a kid and how he changed to bike riding instead of playing football or anything. Howard said he got into swimming and bike riding. Lance said swimming was big for him first. He said he was top 5 in the state in his age group. He said he was 13-14 years old. He said he wasn't going to be the next Michael Phelps or anything. Howard asked who coached him. Lance said that they are super disciplined around the country. He said that it's 6 miles a day that they swim. He said if you start that young and you have the right coach then you can do well. He said you have to start young or it ain't gonna happen.
Howard said he remembers riding his bicycle at 12 years old and how he could get out and go visit friends. Howard said that when you look at Lance's home life it was kind of shitty. He said his biological dad left when he was young. Howard said his mom remarried and he adopted lance. Howard said he was a bigger fuck than his biological dad. He yelled at him and beat him. Lance said that it's interesting to look back on it now that he's 45. He said he didn't know the biological dad. He said he was like 18 when he was born. He said he was out of there. Howard asked if they had child support. Lance said they weren't in that position. Lance said his mother did anything she could to support them. Howard asked if she broke his heart. Lance asked how. Howard said she was a young woman and she had to work her ass off. Lance said he was only 2 or 3 so he wasn't connected to that emotion. He said his mom would come home and she was always positive. He said she never mopes or cries. He said she puts on a brave face. Lance said Terry Armstrong wasn't a terrible guy. He said he's still alive. He said he hasn't seen him in a long time. He said in the old days they got spanked. Howard said his dad never hit him. Lance said that in the south in the 70s they got spanked. He said even in school you'd get paddled. He said he has 5 kids and he looks back on that. He said they do things wrong but he would never think about grabbing a paddle or belt. He said things are different now.
Howard asked if he ever met his biological dad. Lance said he never did. He said that he got a call a few years ago saying that his father passed away. He said his father got bit by a spider and died from that. He said it's the weirdest thing. He said he never saw him. He said in 1999 he heard he was in Austin looking for him. He said these days you can find someone immediately. Lance said back then no one was pointing him in the right direction to him.
Howard asked Lance if he regrets not finding him. Lance said he doesn't now. He said maybe at 50 he'll feel differently. Lance said that the European journalists went and found him. He said that they would do long form interviews and those interviews didn't make him want to find the guy. He said he was very derogatory toward his mother and he's very close to her so he didn't want to read that.
Howard asked about his step-dad and how he treated him. Lance said he had clothes and food so things were okay.
Howard said he would think that he was very popular when he was in school. Lance said that his friends were football players and he didn't win the most popular. Howard asked if he got laid a lot. Lance said ''Here we go...'' Howard said no one chose bike riding as a sport back then. Lance said that he did alright.
Howard said that Lance raced BMX bikes early on. Lance said that was very early on. He said it's really evolved over the years too. He said the course looks like a motocross course but smaller. Howard said Lance has said that the pain of it made him forget about the rest of his life. Lance said that he still tries to ride every day. He didn't ride yesterday and he won't ride today. He said for years he hated cycling. He said that his life has been a mess for the past few years. He said that the whole sport and the media and fans around it he had hard feelings toward. He said the last 6 months he started biking again and he's falling back in love with it.
Howard asked what brand or type of bike he likes. Lance said he has a bike shop in Austin so they sell all kinds of bikes. He said his mountain bike is something he really likes but he painted over it. He won't say what brand it is. He said he had to tweak that. He said he rides a Canondale. He said the ultimate when he was growing up was a custom. He said that they raced all stock bikes in the Tour. Howard asked if he had a bell on his bike. Lance said that he never had one on his bike. He said he and some friends did a 24 hour race last summer. He said that they race during the night so he had the bell for the first time in his life. He said you pass in the dark so you need to have one.
Lance said that race was a 16 hour loop and they race 24 hours straight. Howard asked where they pee when they're riding. Lance said that he has done that before but not in this race. He said anyone at that level knows how to pee off the bike. Howard said he could never do that. He said that they do take pictures. Lance said there are times when you can do it when no one is around. Lance said they'll all stop and take a leak at some point.
Howard said he got into riding for a while but then he had some issues. He said it's really fucking hard. He said that these guys would shave down and they'd say that it slows you down. He asked if it's bullshit. Lance said he does think it's bullshit. He said other things are more important. Lance said everyone shaves their legs but he would never do that again. He said that it's something he did but he would never do again. He said he's 45 an retired so he's not going to shave his legs.
Howard asked what a bike costs now. He asked if he could spend 20 grand. Lance said they can make him one that's 20 grand. He said you don't need one that much. He said a $3,000 bike in 2017 is almost as good as you can get.
Howard asked if he had a Schwinn for his first bike. Lance said it was. He said he bought it at a corner store. He said this guy is one of the biggest retailers in the world now. He said that it was a brown bike with mag wheels and it was ugly.
Howard asked if he was a daredevil. He said he read about a game he invented where they soaked tennis balls in gasoline and threw them at his friends. Lance said that Howard had to have done crazier things. Howard said maybe he did but he was out of his mind. Robin asked if his kids are good athletes. Lance said they are. He said he has one who is 6'5'' tall. He said he's playing ball now but he's not sure if he wants to keep doing it.
Howard asked if the most painful thing for him was having to explain the whole doping scandal to the kids. Lance said that wasn't just a one time thing. He said he has 5 kids. He said the older kids were old enough to live it with him. He said it's a process to work through. Lance said he had to go through it all with the family. He said his older kids were old enough to follow the story before it unraveled. He said before it unraveled there was a denial and that was a problem. Lance said his kids never asked about it so they just read about it. Lance said the most important word was betrayal. He said that he cares about his fans. He said he will say this. He said that his kids are doing great. He said the younger ones are growing into it. He said the kids are old enough that their friends might say something.
Lance said that his 7 year old was in school and he was having a conversation with his mother just weeks ago. He said he talked about this in a podcast. He said that his son said that his dad cheated. He said that to his mother. He said that's the kind of stuff that will happen. He said they're going to get older and read that stuff.
Howard said he has had to apologize to his kids for things he's done. He said you just say it's wrong. He said then they ask why. He asked what the fuck you say. Lance said it's a longer conversation now than it was. He asked Howard and Robin if they want to talk about that stuff in 2017. He said things were so crazy at the time.
Howard said one of the things Lance said that was everyone was doing it. Robin said that he must have wondered why other guys were able to pass him. Lance said that EPO is what changed the game. He said that came into their sport that they call came into the sport. He said there were those guys who were doing it and the rest of them tried to hold out as long as they could. Lance said he's not trying to justify it but that's the decision they made.
Lance said he wanted to win and he wanted to be the best. He said he knew he needed a knife in this knife fight. Howard asked if he really needed that. He said maybe he would have done fine without it. Lance said that EPO was so powerful. Lance said it's like a 10 percenter. He said that they did have a choice. He said not everyone used it. He said that a lot did but not everyone. Lance said he admires the guys who didn't do it.
Howard asked if he would have complied if no one else was using it. Lance said there was no test at the time. He said he doesn't know what would have happened but he'd like to think that it would have worked out the same. He said you don't know.
Howard said that Lance had testicular cancer and if he hadn't gone back into it then he never would have known that he was using it. He said if he had just retired it never would have come out. Lance said if he had just stopped in 2005 it would have been over. He said it was the bridge to the past that made it all come forward. He said that it call came out because he went back.
Howard asked if he still gets shit today from people. Lance said they can do it without being face to face online. He said no one has come to him face to face. He said he gets shit online all the time and he's sure Howard does too.
Lance said the way he acted by denying it all made it worse. He said that he can't change it. He said he can only walk this walk he's on. He said if someone did come up to him he'd shake their hand and say he's sorry. Howard asked if he thinks they're pissed because of the denial. Lance said that was the problem. He said if you polled the world about it then he thinks that people can get their mind around the doping but not excuse the way he acted. He said that was the worst part.
Howard said when you sue someone over the story then it's something else. Lance said they were riding this wave and everyone around him was riding it. He said that there were people that said if it's not true he's got to take action. Lance said that he made the decision to do what he did. He said he was trying to keep this thing going.
Howard asked if Lance had trouble sleeping over all of that. Lance said he just sees a pillow and he can fall asleep. He said he was able to sleep when he found out about the testicular cancer. Howard said he found out about that cancer and he didn't deal with it for a long time. Lance said he had all kinds of excuses. Lance said the size of it was huge. He said he thought it was from sitting on the bike all day. He said he just figured tomorrow would be better. He said that still happens today. He said that he still thinks that way. Lance said he was coughing up blood and he had dizziness and things like that. He said he had to call someone. Howard said then they found out about the cancer. Lance said they removed his ball the next morning. Howard asked if they knew it was just his ball. Lance said they didn't know. He said the day before that he did a chest x-ray. He said that his lungs were littered with tumors. He said that he had to do chemotherapy. He said that he knew that he could get along with just one ball. He said that he was on Chemo for 3 months. Howard said he had cancer in his body all over. Lance said he had testicular cancer all over his body. He said that cell spread all over his body. Howard asked if he thought his life was over. Lance said he thought it was 50/50. He said he'd tell anyone in that situation that we're not numbers or stats. He said you just surround yourself with lots of friends and family.
Robin said there must have been some people telling him he wasn't going to make it. Lance said he went to a few places. He said he ended up in Indianapolis. He said he stayed there and was treated there. Howard said most would go to New York. Lance said that Dr. Einhorn was like the godfather of the cure of this disease. Howard said he was on a role though. Lance said that he was thinking that ''why not me'' as being the survivor of this.
Howard said Lance went back to cycling after that. He was away from it for a year and a half. Lance said he had two tumors in his brain. He said he still has big cuts in his head from that. He said it's been 21 years now. He said he didn't think about it until today when Howard asked about it. He said he doesn't think about it until someone does ask about it. Lance said it can come back even after all this time.
Howard asked if he thinks it was from the EPO stuff. Lance said no but he gets that a lot. He said that people think it could be from sitting on the bike seat too. He said he thinks there would be more of it if that was the case.
Howard asked Lance how much money he's raised with his foundation. Lance said he was asked to leave in 2012 and they had raised about half a billion at that point. Howard said he was doing really well with that. Lance said they were doing about $50 million a year with that. Howard asked who came to him asking him to leave. Lance said he was chairman and the first call was asking him to step down. He said that the new chairman told him he had to get out. Howard said that sucks. Lance said it does suck. He said it sucks for him and for them. He said they were going to go through a tough time either way. He said they're still operational. He said he doesn't keep up with them now. He said he thinks the key thing they missed was that yellow band is hard to get away from. He said he would have liked to have said that they had to hang in there and be very smart about it. He said they could build back up. He said he knows they've been hurt. He said that people fall and they come back with a platform. He said it took his platform away. He said it's been tough.
Howard asked Lance if it's tough for him financially now. Lance said that if the Postal Service gets $100 million from him then it'll be a problem. Lance said he thinks they will win. Lance said he loved riding for them. He said he loved riding around Europe with the postal service on his shirt. He said that they don't believe they were damaged from this. He said that this case is about who got damaged. Howard asked if that's what the case is about. Lance said he can't get into it too much but it's about showing damages. He said they have to prove why they lost in the fall.
Howard said that we have the best postal service in the world. He said no other country has one this good. Lance said riding around with that around the world was great. Howard said that they were his sponsor. Lance said they were the title sponsor. He said they had a bunch of sponsors.
Lance said he's been sued a lot and he deserved to be sued. He said that he's settled most of the cases and this is the last one. He said he's still got a couple of bucks. He said he and his wife and their kids are having a good life. He said no part of him misses those things that much. He said it was nice at the time but he's fine getting on United and flying around.
Howard asked Lance about the cancer and Chemo and if he was expecting to have kids. Lance said the first 3 were with IVF. He said that he banked sperm before he went through all of that. He said that one day his wife called and said she was pregnant. He said he was told he can't have kids. He said that they had one and then another a year and a half later.
Howard asked Lance what he's doing all day. Lance said that he's coming for Howard. He said that Greenstein is going to hire him to take this seat. Howard asked if he is employable. Lance said probably not. Howard asked what he does for fun. Lance said he plays golf and exercises. He said he just started playing golf. He said he drives his kids around and he's working on some other things. He said the endurance sport is something he thinks he can do something with.
Howard asked if Lance feels abandoned by the sport. Lance said he does. He said that he won't talk about it much but the chairman who told him he had to go was a good friend and he hasn't heard from him. He said that guy was a friend. He said that you do get surprised and someone will come say hi and ask him to do something. He said they'll just pop back in. He said there are people who lean out or lean in and it sucks when someone leans out. He said when you have a friend who leans back in that is so much greater. He said it's why the podcast is called The Forward. He said he's moving forward with his life. He said he's moving forward with the team he has now.
Howard asked who asked Lance to go on Oprah. Lance said timing was tough on that. He said it was too soon for a lot of people and it was too detailed and shocking. Lance said he did it because he likes Oprah and he knew he was going to get sued. He said when the report came out he knew they were lining up to sue him. He said the first thing is when you get deposed. He said that he liked Oprah and trusted her. He said that he wanted to do it there instead of with some lawyer. Howard asked if she was the right one to do it with. Lance said they can debate that. Lance said everyone was pissed about it. He said the non-fans thought it was too much information. He said the cycling fans thought it wasn't enough. He said no one was happy.
Howard asked if he felt used by Oprah. Lance said he reached out to her so no. He said he talked to Tom Brokaw as well. He said that might have been the better place to go. He said in January of 2013 no one was prepared. Lance said that he's not sure what Howard's fans are going to think. He said he did Joe Rogan's podcast a year and a half ago. He said they broke it all down. He said that they got feedback from the fans and they were saying that's what he should have done early on.
Howard said maybe on the Joe Rogan show he had 2 hours to just talk. He said that he got to give all of this thoughts on it. Lance said that the way he acted was the problem. He said it was the denial and all of that which was wrong. He said there were fans who had his back. Howard asked if they offered him money to do interviews. Lance said he never would have taken money for that.
Howard asked if he was ever suicidal. Lance said hell no. He said there was no way. He said that's not the way his mom raised him. He said that he's a realist and he has to handle the situation and be there for his family. He said he has to keep the whole thing moving forward.
Howard asked if it was tough to tell his mother the story. Lance said it was. He said no one knows who she is but it could have been rough on her if they did. He said that there was no city more pissed off than Austin where he lives. Howard said he has a coffee shop. Lance said that's part of his bike shop.
Howard asked if drugs should be legal in sports. Lance said he doesn't think so. He said the system of controlling it is inefficient. He said it's never going to happen. He said that no one is ever going to say that.
Howard asked Lance about being in the Olympics and leaving that to go into pro sports and he loses his first race. Lance said he came in dead last. He said he came in second in his second race. He said this was in Spain and it was raining and it was his first race. He said that he was offered a ride back to the hotel and he said no way. He said he couldn't quit.
Howard asked if he took a lot of shit from people during that first race. Lance said a lot of people quit that day. He said 100 guys quit. He said he doesn't want to be one of them.
Howard said he got into bike riding when he saw that Lance was dating Sheryl Crow. Lance said ''Here we go...'' Howard said he's not kidding. He said even his name Lance Armstrong is a great name. Howard asked if his head got big during that. Lance said he had a good thing going. He said she was a great lady. He said they had some fun. Lance said they were watching the Grammy's the other day and he presented there once. He said that shit was just surreal.
Howard said that kind of relationship becomes a drug too. Howard said they become a power couple. Howard said it's like the greatest turn on. Lance said it's tough too. He said that she was a stay at home kind of woman. He said she did some touring and she was at the races and things with him. He said she wasn't off touring while he was riding. He said that this was in 2005 and 2006. He said that things were just going to get tougher. He said that you look at Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and their break up and you see how it can get. He said it just gets crazier and crazier.
Howard said it's hard to know if you're in love or not. He said the attention you get is crazy. Lance said there is pressure. Howard said that's the kind of pressure he needs. Lance said he should have her on the show again. Howard said he should have her on. He said she's welcome anytime.
Howard asked if Lance got a prosthesis for his ball. Lance said he didn't. He said that he has to talk to Robin about this. He said when that thing comes out, and it doesn't come out the way you expect, it comes out the top. He said that it doesn't just come out the sack. Howard asked if they told him he could get a fake one. Lance asked who would care. Howard asked if he becomes less sexual or less horny. Lance laughed. Howard said no woman looks at your balls anyway. Howard asked if it affects your testosterone level. Lance said that's a good question. He said they told him that once one leaves the other one makes up for it. He said that none of the things Howard mentioned go down at all.
Howard asked if he got to see the ball. Lance said he didn't. He said he got to keep his wisdom tooth though. He said that he still has that.
Howard gave Lance a plug for his podcast ''The Forward'' and told people to tune in or not. Robin asked who he has coming up. Lance said he has one with a guy who wrote a book about a Navy Seal. He said the guy, Jesse, was a white rapper for a while. He said he had a hit called ''Shake it like a White Girl'' and he went on to do other things. He said the guy is married to the woman who came up with Spankx.
Howard said Oprah owes him an interview. Lance said she's going to come on. Howard asked if he thinks she will. Lance said she has to come on. Howard said she does. Lance said that's too obvious. Howard said he should have come on this show instead of Oprah. Lance said that it was the timing. He said no one was going to be happy at that time.
Howard asked if anyone has turned down the podcast. Lance said no but there have been some who were suspect. He said that one guy who is a friend is Carl Rove. He said he asked him to come on and he kept saying he was going to come on but he never did. Howard said he should have the chairman of his foundation come on. Lance said it's called The Forward and that's not moving forward.
Howard said he should have Sheryl Crow on. Lance said he's sure she'd say no. He said she'd be great though. Howard said she can sing for real. Lance said that's her real voice.
Howard asked if he ever regretted being a cyclist. Lance said no. He said he's still ahead. Howard asked if he's still fast. Lance said he's getting faster. He said he's just getting back into it. He said that the young guys are kicking his ass. He said he hangs in there though. He said they're just better. Howard said he should ride with him. Lance said it's kind of cold now. He told Howard to come to Aspen in the summer. He said he'll get Howard one of those E-bikes.
Howard asked if Lance has been hit by cars. Lance said he has been hit. Howard asked if there's a move you can do. Lance said nothing trains you for that. He said he was 15 the first time he got hit. He said that the woman thought she had killed him. Lance said that is a touchy situation. Howard said he knows tons of guys who have been hit. Lance said you can ride there in the city and it's amazing. Howard said that he runs and the bike riders think they own the fucking road. He said he sticks his elbows out. Lance said that it's a relationship. He said that you have to share the road. He said it is what it is.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he can't believe the postal service is suing anyone for damaging their reputation other than themselves. Lance didn't want to comment on that.
Howard gave Lance some more plugs for his web site and podcast. He said you can find out about his endurance brand WeDu too. Howard asked what that is. Lance explained it to Howard and he said you can find out more at WeDuSport.com. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played a few bits before they went to break.
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Howard took the call from fake Billy Bush and the guys in the back played the pre-recorded clips of fake Billy saying wacky shit. They had Billy giving an Oscars report and telling show business to eat shit.
Howard said Billy sounds very prepared. He was playing bumpers for all of his comments. Howard said people can't believe that LaLa Land thing. Billy had some comments about that. Howard spent a few more minutes with that bit asking Billy about some of the stuff that happened on the Oscars. Howard said this is some report. He said someone should hire him.
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her in with a song parody. The song was from Little Mikey and Eli Braden. Howard said he watched Hacksaw Ridge over the weekend. Howard said he broke down and watched it. He said it was great. He said he had mixed emotions about Mel Gibson. Robin said scumbags can do good things. She said she still watches Woody Allen movies. Howard said that he thought the movie was great even though he hated watching it.
Robin started her news with a story about Katy Perry and how she seems to be getting along just fine after her break up with Orlando Bloom. Robin said that they say she doesn't look too broken up. Howard said that she can't be happy losing him. Howard said he's good looking and he has a cock that looks big enough for two women. Howard said he thinks it would be a lot of pressure for her to date the guy. Howard said she's really cute but you can't look good standing next to that dude.
Robin read a story about Jenna Jameson being pregnant. Robin said she looks like she's due any day now. Howard said it looks like the baby is way over due. Howard said she looks like she's having twins. Robin said she has twins already. Robin said she thinks she's only carrying one this time.
Howard said Jenna was in his movie and he got an email from Betty Thomas who directed Private Parts. Howard said she sent the nicest email. He said she was just interviewed by a magazine about the 20th anniversary of the movie. Howard said he didn't know it had been 20 years. He said maybe in the next 20 years he'll make another one. Robin said Jenna Jameson was in that movie and she's pregnant 20 years later. Howard asked if she was like 12 in that movie. Howard said Betty said some nice things to him and he's going to keep them quiet. Robin said she'd like to know what she said. Howard said he's too tired to go into his email and look for it. He said it's not that interesting.
Robin read a story about Hunter Biden, who is the son of Joe Biden, and how he's dating his brother's widow. Howard said he doesn't think it's that bad. Robin said that they were family. Howard said he had an aunt that happened to. Howard said she ended up marrying her husband's brother. Howard said they were good for each other. Robin said it makes you wonder if anything was going on before. Howard said according to the bible that's what you're supposed to do. Robin said that's what they used to do in royal families. Howard asked Robin if there was any other history about them in the story. Robin said she thinks he was available and Joe Biden isn't upset about it either. Howard said he's so glad he doesn't have a brother. He said he wouldn't want his brother marrying Beth. Howard said he'd have her buried with him. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how summer will come but you can't tell by today's weather. Howard wondered where ''Cold as a witch's tit'' came from. Howard said a friend said that to him. Howard said he doesn't know where that came from. Robin said she's thinking about summer and pools being open. Robin said the question is if people pee in the pool. Howard said of course they do. Robin asked if they do in private pools. Howard said of course they do. Robin said scientists have confirmed how to tell how much urine is in a pool. Howard said he thinks Gary has done that at his pool. Gary said he would never do that. Gary also had some details about where the ''cold as a witch's tit'' came from. He said she's supposed to be on the level of the devil but they're cold so that's where it came from. Robin read more about the study about peeing in the pool and how they tracked it. Robin said they track a sweetener that goes through the body unchanged and tested that. Robin said they say that
Howard said Richard is the guy who pisses in the pool. He said he told him about going to a bar in a pool and he just pissed in the pool. Richard came in and said he did that and the bartender had to ask him if he had to pee yet because he had like 12 drinks. Howard said people don't want to get out of the pool and they just go. Robin said the urine is sterile when it comes out but when it comes into contact with chlorine it changes into things that you don't want to come into contact with. Howard kicked Richard out of the studio a short time later. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they're still looking for women who are attractive but have dirty jobs. Howard said you can email the at contest@howardstern.com. Howard said if you're attractive and a garbage person then you can get in on this contest.
Robin read a story about the new live action Beauty and the Beast movie that's coming out. Robin said some movie theaters and Russia are pushing back on this movie. Robin said they have a gay character in the movie. Robin said they want to ban it in Russia because of a same sex embrace in it. Robin said in Alabama there's a theater that won't show it because of that. Robin said that one of the guys on Saturday Night Live was saying that they're fine with it being about bestiality but not the homosexual part.
Howard asked JD about a clip he wanted to hear. He said it was a rap guy being interviewed and he says that they're trying to make people gay. Howard got the clip and played it and the guy was talking about how there's gay shit all over and they're trying to turn everyone gay and make a monetary gain. Howard said it sounds like he thinks things can turn you gay. Howard played more of the interview and laughed at the guy's thoughts on all of that.
Robin read a story about the I Heart Radio Music awards and Howard talked about what an awful name for a radio company that is. Howard said they worked for Infinity Broadcasting and there were other companies with names like Ennis. Howard said this company calls it ''I Heart Radio.'' He asked who has ever heard of such nonsense. Robin said they're sticking with it. Howard said it can't work. He said it's not good at all. Robin read about some of the people who won. Robin said everyone is talking about Justin Timberlake's acceptance speech. Robin said he tried to say something to bring people together. Robin had the clip for Howard to play. Howard listened to it and said he's very talented but he's very annoying. Howard said he can dance and sing but he's annoyed by him. Howard asked Robin if she feels that way. Robin said he has it all now. She said he may have had a tough time growing up. Robin said he's talking about being a sissy boy in Tennessee and he must have felt picked on. Howard said he's too full of himself for a guy who sings those type of songs. He said that he isn't Van Halen. Robin told Howard to play more because he got sensitive in the clip. That part wasn't in that clip. Robin said they had to bleep him out because he said ''fuck 'em'' at the end. Howard said the guy talks too much. Howard told the guy to get in there so he can talk to him.
Robin read a story about President Trump giving a speech and he was getting accolades. Robin said he was seeming presidential. Robin said then over the weekend he started tweeting and ruined it all. He accused the former president of wire tapping him in Trump Tower. Howard asked why he would do that. Howard said the story was picked up by Breitbart from some radio show that started it all. Howard asked which guy that was. Gary said it was Mark Levin. Howard said he came up with some crazy idea. Robin said he just said it like it was true. Then Breitbart picked up on it and made it seem more true. Howard said if it was true Trump would have the intelligence reports and he'd be able to release them. Robin said this is what fake news is. Robin said then the President tweets it out like it's happening to him. Robin said he was saying it like it really happened. Robin said even the FBI director is telling the justice department to ignore this. Robin said this is the question that his surrogates are getting in interviews. Robin had some audio of a woman talking to the Today show about it. She said it should be thoroughly investigated. Robin said the President says it did happen. She said there is no ''if'' in his statement. Robin had more audio clips for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a fellow testicular cancer survivor. He said he feels bad for Howard. He asked who is telling him what the good music is out there. Howard said he tells himself what's good. The caller said he's saying there's no good music. Howard said he never said that. He said that he thinks the music in the 90s was better than it is now. He said if it's out there he just can't find it. The caller told him to follow skate boarding. Howard let the guy go after that.
Robin read a story about a congressman who was making jokes mocking Kellyanne Conway and some people found them offensive. Robin played some of the audio of him joking about her sitting on the couch on her knees. Robin said he was trying to be funny but it didn't come off well. Robin said he was joking about Monica Lewinsky in that joke. Howard said Robin got a lot more out of that than he did. Howard said he did see that picture of Kellyanne and he likes that position. He said Robin told a story like 20-30 years ago about how she could get herself of rocking back and forth on her foot sitting like that. He said he's never been able to get that out of his head. Howard said he did think about how casual a position it is. He said it's a child like way to sit. He said you don't see a lot of people sitting like that. He said it was a little strange. Robin said it went viral as soon as it was released.
Robin read a story about Emma Watson and some magazine shots she posed for. Robin said a British journalist suggested that they're not ''feminist'' shots. Robin said that Emma is saying that you can be feminist and be sexual at the same time. Robin said she shows some boob in the pictures.
Robin read a story about some anti-Semitic things that have been going on in cemeteries lately. Robin said that they're saying that after they went to clean up the cemetery they found out that it wasn't vandalism at all. Robin said the headstones fell over because they were unstable.
Robin read a story about how Tupac Shakur's car that he was shot in went up for auction. Robin said it was bought and now they're putting up the SUV that Biggie Smalls was shot in. Robin said they're asking $1.5 million.
Robin read a story about the giraffe that was giving birth last week and how it still hasn't given birth. Robin said it's still pregnant.
Robin read about the movie ''Logan'' being number 1 at the box office. Robin said it made $85.1 million. Howard said he likes the super power movies with Wolverine. Howard said he can't wait to see it. Robin said this is the last time that Hugh Jackman is going to play Logan. Howard said not now. He said he'll be back. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how they have Ed Sheeran coming in today. He said he's excited to talk to Ed. He said he wants to go over with him about writing a song. Howard said he's close to writing a hit song himself. He said he wants to get some tips. He said the other day he was listening to Tone Loc's ''Funky Cold Medina'' and he has this funky beat going in it. Howard asked Fred to play it for him. He said he was in the shower listening to this song. He said he realized when he's singing he realized that's how he should be singing. He said he's just doing this and did an impression of the guy. Howard said it dawned on him that he could do that.
Howard said he started to break it down and was listening to Van Halen's ''Hot for Teacher'' and it's probably one of the best songs ever written. He said David Lee Roth just sings stuff over what they're playing that has nothing to do with it. Howard said he's getting it now that he can write a hit song. Howard said there's nothing better than this. Fred had Van Halen playing. Howard said this is the genius of David Lee Roth. Robin said he should have been an instrumental. Howard said that's it. He said then you hear David singing. Howard said David knows when to stop singing. He said he sings but it has nothing to do with what's going on behind him.
Robin said all you really need is a catch phrase like James Brown did. Robin said he had ''hot pants.'' Howard said he should write a song about G-cups like Robin has. He said she can be his muse. Howard said Tone Loc has a phrase that didn't even make any sense in that song. Howard said he's on to something so he should have a hit song soon.
Howard played the Tone Loc song again. Howard said it may sound something like this but he won't be able to sue him over it. Robin said just look at the Gangnam Style guy. Howard said he couldn't even speak English. Fred played Crackhead Bob clips over the song.
Robin said he could sing about a drink too. Howard said he could sing Margaritaville. Howard said he was just reading about Jimmy Buffett in the paper and what he's building down in Florida. Howard said he can hear Jackie talking about moving there. He did his Jackie impression. Howard read the article about Jimmy and what he's up to. HE's building a retirement community in Daytona Beach, Florida. Howard said he could do that too. He said he should get on that. Howard said he won't do that because he's an entertainer though. Howard said he doesn't need people complaining about the houses there. Robin said there's incredible inventory in Florida so the value always goes down.
Howard said it's a bunch of old people down there. Howard said they're all going to be shitting their pants in Margaritaville. Howard read more about this development. Howard read about the beach front club that will be there.
Howard said that he's starting a place called Saggy-Ball-Ville. He read more about the Margaritaville place and said that you know you've given up when you drive around in a golf cart. Howard said more than 30,000 people have registered on the web site for this place. Howard said they have to start one of these things. Robin said they talk about doing it but they never do. Robin said they talked about doing a cruise. Howard said they'll all have Beetlejuice on their lawn as a lawn jockey. Robin said that Beetlejuice will show up to perform once a year. Fred played some audio of Beet singing ''Beetlejuice is getting his dick sucked...'' and others.
Howard said they'll have the Private Parts poster hung up around the place. He said they'll have old TV clips of him and a supermarket there with Gary the Conqueror working in the parking lot. Everyone will shit their pants with Wendy on Wednesdays. Howard said they'll have the Nicole Bass memorial park. Robin said they'll have a fallen Wack Pack wall. Howard said they can have an ass crack to walk through to get to the beach. They can have a Ronnie's wall of squirt. He said they can have an all you can eat buffet for High Pitch Erik.
Howard played more of the clip and it starts out slow. Howard played another clip where Erik was asking what's going on with the calls. They were all dropping. Robin said they weren't merging with Skype. Erik said they need to fix that. Howard asked how they have callers. Robin asked who is calling and how they know where to call. Howard said they would call in.
Howard said they finally settle down a bit and then Erik talks about how he spends his time. Erik talked about watching reruns of Blue Bloods all day. He talked about going out for fresh air this week too. Erik said he went outside and walked around the corner. Howard said he walked around the block. Howard said people in maximum security prison do more than him. He said they go for a longer walk than Erik. Howard said the walk around the block is more than flying to the moon.
Howard said Erik is now saying he's eliminating bad food from his diet for 30 days for Lent. Howard said he's not even Christian. Howard played the clip of Erik talking about giving that stuff up. Erik said he's going to eat healthy for 30 days to see how much weight he loses. Gonzo pointed out that Erik is Jewish so why is he doing this. Erik thought it was 30 days but it's actually 40. Howard said he's trying to catch up after missing the first 10 days.
Howard said he's strangely fascinated by Erik. Howard said they had Medicated Pete on as a special guest. Howard said Erik tried to do that thing with Pete where they keep asking him how he's doing. Howard said Erik decided that was his bit but somehow it didn't work. Howard played that clip and Erik asked how he was and Pete kept asking how he was doing. Erik kept going with Pete on that. Howard said Erik is proving he's smarter than Pete there.
Howard said that was really good. He said that's why people want to pre-tape stuff. He said they got fucked over in the live version.
Howard said yesterday's show really stirred up a lot of email. He said everyone is talking about Benjy's cock. He said they got a lot about Lance Armstrong too. He said they got negative and positive. He said some people said he was a lying douche. Others were saying that he deserved kudos for owning up to his own shit. Howard read a bunch of those emails. He read some of the positive stuff about the interview and how he owned up to what he did wrong.
Howard said one guy wrote him and explained the cyclists shaving their leg hair so if they crash they have less to clean up with the blood and gravel.
Howard said a lot of people were shook up by Memet. Howard said he told them about how a guy wanted to watch him have sex for $5,000. Howard said Memet said he won't let the guy touch him. Howard said they thought it was odd because Memet has never met this man. Howard said he could end up chopped up in a bag somewhere. Howard read some of the feedback about that segment. People were wondering if he's out of his mind. They were wondering if he has no soul inside and things like that.
Howard said some people have a theory that he was sexually abused as a child or something. Howard said some people say he should admit he's gay and get the fuck out of the studio. Fred kept playing the Mr. Softee theme song. Howard said there was a positive one for Memet. It was from Bill Cosby and it said Memet is his kind of guy.
Howard said he has a clip of a porn star talking about the threesome thing with another man. Howard played that clip and the guy said that it's unavoidable touching the other guy in some way during a threesome. Howard said you're going to have contact with the guy. Howard played another clip where the guy said that when the other guy is inside the woman the other canal you're in gets tighter so it works in your favor. The guy also gave some advice on how to do the woman with double penetration. He said it's not that easy.
Howard read more email about Memet and how sad it is that he thinks so little of himself. Howard said the porn star says the more dicks that are in the ass the tighter the vagina becomes. Howard said that's some advice.
Howard said Brent was running around saying that he paid to be in a live sex show. Howard said Memet is getting paid $5,000 to have sex in front of a guy to have sex with a girl. He said that's like porn. He said Brent said he went to some country where they have live sex shows and he's been on stage like 6 times.
Brent came in to talk about that. Brent said it was in Okinawa. He said it's about as big as the room they're in. He said this girl comes out and strips and brings a hand bag out. He said that if you want to fuck her you get up on stage. Brent said if there's more than one guy they roll a die to find out which one gets to do her. He said that you pay a cover charge to get in. Brent said he went there 6 times and got up on stage 5 times. He said one time he wasn't able to perform.
Brent said that the room is full of women and men. He said you get up there nude. Brent said he was 20 years old at the time and he was in the Marines. He said that they went to this club and the women were incredible looking. Robin asked if he was drunk. Brent said he was but they were good looking.
Howard asked if he got hard. Brent said he did. He said that you have to block the audience out. Howard asked if he felt it with the condom on. Brent said that he did. He said that when you're done she stands up and shows the used condom to the audience. Brent said you are crossing a line when you do this. He said that Howard is right about that. He said it's not easy getting back from that.
Howard said that's some dark shit Brent is into. Brent said he was reading about the club and how it got busted in 2004. Howard asked if they should allow clubs like that. Brent said sure. He said if it's consensual then they should. Robin said you wonder where the girls come from though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who hires these freaks who work for him. Howard said someone asked him that yesterday. Howard said these guys are all talented guys. He said maybe it's that everyone where you work is out of their mind too but they don't talk. The caller said JD stabbed Howard right in the back and he should have been fired. He said the rest of the group needs therapy. Howard said Brent is a genius at producing radio. He said he's a hard core dude.
The caller said he loves what Howard and his wife are doing with the dogs. He said they have an event coming up that they're doing to help people. He mentioned it but Howard said he can't vet all of these things. Howard said he's not going to get into it.
Howard took a call from Lee Kingsnatch who said he saw Brent perform back in Okinawa. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that.
Howard said Lee brings up a good point. He asked if he gets to finger the girl. Brent said no. He said you lay on your back nude. He said his feet were hanging off the stage. He said it rotates so everyone gets a view. Howard asked if he was hard. Brent said the first time he wasn't. He said the next time he was ready to go. He said he was half hard. He said she blows you and then you get to fuck her. He said you do her missionary style. Robin asked if there was any kissing. Brent said there wasn't. He said that it lasts about a minute or two. Howard asked if she was moaning or crying. Brent said they moan. Brent said there was a DJ there too.
Howard asked if you run off the stage. Brent said you get your clothes and go back to your seat. Howard asked if you walk naked. Brent said it's not far to walk. He said that you do have a bit of a mess down there. He said that your clothes are on the side of the stage so you go over and get them.
Howard asked if the audience ever boos. Brent said they do if you're not hard. Howard asked if the Marine buddies goof on you. Brent said no one was able to get hard the first time. Howard asked if they remove you if you don't. Brent said you usually remove yourself. Fred played the ''Game of Thrones'' ''Shame'' clips as they were talking about that.
Howard asked Brent if the girls ever say no to the guys. Brent said there were times they did. That didn't happen to him. Howard said that would be a disturbing thing for his fiancee to find out. Brent said he's been to swinger's parties too.
Brent said there's a club in Tampa called Soul Caliente where you have to be nude just to get in there. He said you can walk into other people's rooms and stuff there. Howard asked if Brent has gone there. Brent said he has. He said he'll tell Howard about one night. He said they went to a Halloween party one night. Brent said people get crazy on that night. He said everyone is nude in the pool area. He said it's a big party too. He said it's a resort where young, hot chicks go. Brent said everyone is fucking around and there are rooms there and if the door is left open anyone can wander in.
Brent said he went into a room that was open and it was a huge sex party. He said there are guys talking and breaking the ice and then someone is getting blown on the couch. Robin said they all know it's a sure thing.
Howard asked if Brent has ever gotten an STD. Brent said he did one time. He said he used to carry a bag full of condoms so it didn't happen much. Brent said he was happy to be naked back then because he was practicing martial arts.
Robin asked what Brent did at the sex party. Brent said he pared off with a girl and the girl paired off with the guy. He said he had sex with the woman.
Howard said the sex club in Okinawa sounds crazy. Brent said it is a weird performance art. Howard asked if Brent has had to stop doing that kind of stuff. Brent said he did. He said now he's only with his wife. He said he had to go to therapy over that. He said when he was a kid he was abandoned by his biological father and he was acting out for years in his life. He said he didn't even know why. He said it was the abandonment and not understanding why. He said he was really angry about it for a long time. Howard said he's upset that his father didn't abandon him. He said everything is just bad.
Howard said that's Mr. Sex there. He asked if Memet talks to him about this stuff. Robin asked what he says to Memet. Brent said he told him while he's young he should enjoy what he can while he can. Robin said that this wasn't okay because he wasn't having the life he wanted. Brent said that's true. He said he's never been happier than he is now.
Howard said sometimes he thinks about hanging out with Brent but then he hears that stuff. He said he doesn't have that great judgment.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Brent has ever seen the banana show in Okinawa. He said that they have an old lady that sticks a banana up her vagina and they cut it into perfect slices for people to eat. Howard said they can't do that inside her. He said it has to be sliced some other way. The caller said she was able to shove it up there and remove the peel. Gary said Brent just said that was the intermission show at the club he was talking about.
Howard asked if that's the base that we set up there after the war. The caller said it is. Howard said they lost so many Marines there in Okinawa. He said now we don't even think about that. He said we should. The caller said that's a perfect place to have marines so they can deploy them quickly to that part of the world.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that two guys banging a chick is not gay. Howard said it is. The caller said he did it when he was younger. He said that this chick got on the corner of a bed and blew his buddy while he was banging her from behind. Howard said that's just not for him. He thanked him for the call.
Howard said Ham Hands Bill wants to have a threesome with Memet. Howard said he spelled it out in graphic detail. Howard played the clip that Bill sent in. Bill said he's straight and he'll perform oral on the woman while Memet is doing her from behind. He said they sandwich the girl.
Howard said there's a case of Bill trying to get in on Memet's action. Robin said in the first position Memet will be looking into Bill's eyes.
Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there. Howard waited to see if he was there but he didn't pick up right away. He came to the phone like a minute later. Howard asked where he was. The caller said he was working. Howard said the last guy who called him while he was working led to him being sued.
The caller said he was watching the Walking Dead and he thinks it jumped the shark. He told Howard that there was an episode where Rick should have fucked this girl and he ends up ''fucking the nigger.'' Howard asked if he's saying that it jumped the shark because Rick is fucking the black chick. The caller said it is. Howard asked if he still talks like that. The caller said of course he does and so does Howard. Howard said he doesn't actually. He doesn't get that attitude. The caller said he thinks the writer rushed into it with that story. Howard said he gets that it came out of nowhere. Howard said he understands that. Howard said there should have been a relationship build up but he's not racist like this guy. Howard thanked the guy for the call.
Howard said that he can't be the age that the guy said he was. Robin said that he has to stop saying that's taboo sex because it makes him sound old. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he just got back into playing chess and after 3 years his attitude changed. Howard said he used to get so upset that it would interfere with his life. Howard said he was really distracted and he realized he's never going to be really good at the game. He just wants to enjoy it. Robin said that's what she's tried to get him to do. Howard said he played a guy the other day and he saw the guy's name online. He said he realized he must be a fan of the show. He said he had a profile and he looked like a superfan. Howard said he now knows what it's like to be Superman with a secret identity. Howard said this guy named himself something after the show. Howard said imagine if he knew he was playing him. Howard said Superman is Clark Kent and he can't tell anyone who he is. He said he has a secret identity online and he can't tell this kid who he is. Howard said he would ruin the game for the guy. Howard said he wanted to tell him but he didn't. He said he beat the guy but kept his identity secret.
Howard said he used to go online early on with Prodigy and AOL. He said when he saw a hot chick he'd tell her who he was. Then he'd have to convince her who he was. Then it would turn out to be a man after he had online sex with the person. He said it never worked out well. Robin said it's best to keep your identity secret.
Howard asked what it would be like for a huge star call in during an awards show. He said this is what it would sound like. He played a phony phone call the guys made to a radio show with fake Michael Caine calling in from the Oscars.
After that they played a Yucko the Clown clip where he did interviews from Long Beach Comic Con. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he thinks we have 12 moons. He said that there are different shaped moons that go around the earth. Howard said that sometimes you see a red one and a blue one too. He said there might be up to 20.
Howard said he does look out on the horizon and it does look like it's flat. Robin asked about all of the cruise ships. Howard said he'd like to say that basketballs are shaped like triangles and Kyrie would say they're not and he's say that's his opinion.
Howard played a clip of Kyrie talking about how he's been taught that the earth is flat. He asked if you can imagine rotating around the sun and being in alignment. He said that they're telling you want they want you to believe. Howard said he sounds like a reasonably intelligent guy. He said this argument goes on for a while.
Howard played a clip of Kyrie talking to another reporter about the flat earth thing. Kyrie said he can't believe that it's a story. Howard said he did say it. He said he may have gone to school with this guy because he remembers getting punched in the face. Howard asked if Robin can imagine dealing with a guy like this with this level of intelligence.
Howard said there's a podcast called Missing Richard Simmons. He said this guy used to go to Richard's classes in L.A. and he had a friendship with him. Howard said the guy put together a podcast that's devoted to finding out what's going on with Richard. Howard said it's a pretty serious show. Howard said he may have the host on the show. Gary said the show is a half hour a week. Howard said it's hard to sustain this stuff. Howard said the guy interviews everyone close to Richard Simmons. He said that some of the people worked in his house. Howard said he has some clips from it.
Howard said they did a bit called ''In Search Of Richard Simmons'' a couple of years ago. Howard said this guy ran with the idea. Howard played the bit he was talking about where they had a fake ''In Search Of'' clip with Leonard Nimoy. Howard said it was actually a year ago in March. Howard said now this guy is doing a podcast and it's the number 1 podcast. Howard said he's not sure how they figure that out because everyone seems to have a number 1 podcast.
Howard said this is called ''Missing Richard Simmons'' and the host is Dan Taberski. Howard played a clip of some people taking about what Richard was like to be around in his classes.
Howard said he has a clip of Richard trying to kiss him in 2013 on the show. Howard played that and Richard kept asking for a kiss or a handshake. Howard said no to him. He said he knows what a hand shake leads to with Richard.
Howard said Richard would cry in every work out class. He played a clip from the podcast where Dan was talking about Richard crying in every class he went to.
Howard said Richard would cry on the show too. He said he has a clip from 2007 when he ran out of the studio crying and he had to try to get him back in. Richard was upset and leaving and crying as he was getting in the elevator. Howard was begging him to come back in.
Robin said she thought he did it just for them but he was doing it every day. Howard said he was rubbing Richard's back in that clip. He said he was a grown man sobbing. Howard said he didn't see tears though so he's not sure if it was real. Howard said Gary has a story about Richard crying in the lobby of his building. Gary said they had a couch in the lobby and the doorman told him he was down there crying. He said he came down and sat with Richard and all of his neighbors saw him with his arm around Richard crying.
Howard said Richard hasn't been seen for like 3 years. He said he bought into that story about him transitioning into a woman. Howard said he told Gary if that's the case he has to get him in there. Howard said he knows he won't get that interview.
Howard said this guy Dan interviewed Richard's former masseuse and he describes seeing Richard the last time at his house. Howard played that clip and the masseuse talked about being at Richard's house 3 months before he vanished from the public in 2014. The guy said he was trembling and he told him he can't see him anymore. Dan says that Richard was depressed because his dog had died. The masseuse talked about getting Richard to get a massage. His maid was there and she started screaming that he was there. He said Richard told him he has to go. Richard said that the maid was controlling his life. The masseuse said he thinks she's doing that through witchcraft.
Howard said he doesn't want anyone visiting him when he gets old. Howard said he could get kind of wacky too. Robin said this is like the Casey Kasem story. Howard said he could end up crying in Gary Dell'Abate's lobby.
Howard said there's a whole show of this to listen to. He said a friend of Richard talks about going to Richard's house and seeing the housekeeper sitting at the head of the table at Richard's house and letting other people do the work cleaning up after dinner.
Howard said Dan went over to Richard's house to check in on him and the buzzer is gone from the house. Howard said he might have to listen to this podcast. Howard played the clip where Dan went up to ring the buzzer but there wasn't one there. Howard said he doesn't want a buzzer at his house either. He said that might be what he needs. Howard said he may do away with his door completely and just have a slot for food. Howard said he had a room in his house and the only way someone could get in was through a dog door. He said he hopes he doesn't become like this.
Howard said the irony is that this is making Richard even more fascinating and he wants him on the show. He played more audio of Dan talking about trying to get to see Richard but not being able to buzz him.
Howard said he has Richard Simmons on the phone now. Howard said maybe they should send in some Navy Seals to find Richard. Howard picked up the phone and the guys in the back were playing audio of Richard talking about how he loves food and he's over weight. They had Richard talking about all of the food he's been eating. They had Richard talking about being in the house with his dogs and his housekeepers. Richard talked about his dress size and how his name is Cheryl now. Howard said he's glad he's okay now. The guys played Richard singing a song to Howard about how much he loves him.
Howard said Richard is back. Robin said she hopes he's okay and he's not being held hostage by the help. Howard said maybe he just doesn't want to be Richard Simmons anymore. Howard said he's going to book that guy Dan on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to be more open to the flat earth thing. Robin laughed. The caller said that there's a documentary about this. Howard asked if he's really debating if the earth is round or flat. The caller said he is. He said in the 1500s no one believed them when they said it was round. Howard said he can't believe they're arguing about this. Howard said that there are videos online about this. Howard played a clip from the internet talking about why they think the earth is flat. Howard said maybe he should take a break. He said he's sure Ed Sheeran will be there soon. Howard asked if they have an ETA for him. Gary said he's there. Howard said he'll take a break then. Howard played a phony phone call that Sal made to a show selling a car that was missing most of the parts. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that's a good tune. He said he likes that. Howard said look who he's sitting next to. He said Ed Sheeran is there. He played one of his songs and asked if he remembers it. Ed said that he gets ''Loved you on Howard'' when he walks around. He said he had no idea how many people listened to the show. Howard asked how he's doing. Ed said he's glad to be back on there. Howard said he's on the cover of Rolling Stone. He said that's still a cool thing. Ed said that is the only thing he wanted. Howard said being on the cover of Rolling Stone used to be so important back in the 60s, 70s and 80s. Ed said he's never been on the cover before and he had to tick it off the list. Howard said it must be cool to have it. Ed said it's a great time for it to happen.
Howard asked if he wants to look really good and put makeup on when he's shooting the cover. Ed said he feels awkward at photo shoots. He said he's not a massive fan of the way he looks. He said he just plays music and he doesn't want to be the cover boy. He said that he wanted to make it as quick and easy as possible. Howard asked what the cover is. Ed said he's just crouching on the floor. He said they had a wardrobe but it didn't really get used.
Howard asked Ed about making music videos. Ed said he didn't really appear in the first 6 or so. He said he wanted the new one to have the biggest reach possible. He said that he had to do ballroom dancing to get it to go viral.
Howard said the only videos he truly loves are the guys who just sit there and perform the song. Howard said the stories drive him crazy sometimes. Ed said that OKGo do great videos. Howard said they do some clever stuff. Ed said that kind of video that's well thought out are good. He said he agrees with Howard for the most part though.
Howard said that jumping around on a treadmill has nothing to do with the song you wrote though. Howard said it's refreshing that Ed doesn't appear to be marketing constantly. Howard said they were talking about Jimmy Buffett and his retirement home.
Howard said Ed has the worst diet and drinking. He said he wrote Justin Bieber's biggest hit song. Howard said he got friendly with him and he has to ask about that. He said he found it funny that he didn't perform the song. It's called ''Love Yourself.'' Ed sang some of the song for Howard. Howard said he can do it all. He said he never performed that song. Ed said he did a charity show in November and he performed it there the first time. Howard asked why he sold it to Justin. Ed said it's his song. He said he has written a bunch of songs that he doesn't sing. He said he has some songs that he's close to personally. Howard asked if the song was less meaningful to him when he sold it. Ed said it was. He said there was no way it was going to make any of his own albums.
Howard said what's so crazy about that story is that it's a monstrous hit song and he can't recognize it. Ed said the song that's out now doesn't sound like a hit to him either. He said it's called ''Shape Of You.'' Howard said that's been number 1 for like 5 weeks straight. Ed said he didn't know that would happen. He said he's just thinking if he connects weight the song then it must be a hit. He said that's not the case.
Howard said you think you know what's a hit song but you don't. Ed said he thinks he's written good songs when he puts them out. He said someone else knows what's best to put out first.
Howard asked if he had anything to do with the Justin Bieber song. Ed said he worked with him on it before it came out. He said it was a really quick turn around. Howard asked if he has to like a guy he sells a song to. Ed said he likes Justin. He said he gets on with him. Howard asked if he has to sell a song to a guy like that. Ed said if he gets on with someone he might collaborate or sell it to them.
Howard asked Ed about that song being in his head and what the process is to sell it to Justin Bieber. He asked if he thought of him. Ed said he didn't have the song completely finished. Ed said the lyrics were meant to be this and he said ''fuck yourself'' in that. He said he heard Rihanna singing that part. He said if anyone was going to finish it he thought it would be her. He said he was talking to Justin about his album that he was finishing up and he told him that he might be able to finish this one. He said that it came at the right time for him. He said that he had fallen out of grace with the public and he had a comeback song that was grown up. Ed said people his age might like it. Howard said if anything he helped Justin out. Ed said that people forget about past regressions once you have a hit song.
Howard said then Justin does the song. He asked about what it was like hearing Justin had a hit with that song. He asked if he thought he should have done it himself. Ed said no. He said he had a song called the A Team on his first album and he never thought he'd have anything bigger than that. Ed said he has had bigger songs and he knows he can write better and better songs. He said he can still earn without performing the song. He said that it was big because Justin did it. He said it probably wouldn't have been as big if he had done it. Ed said he still gets paid for doing that too.
Howard said that the Beatles did that for the Rolling Stones. Ed said he'd like to end his career as a song writer. Howard said it's great to have a talent like that. Ed said he has become friends with actors lately and they're not in control of their art. He said it's a good position to be in when you can write a song.
Howard said that guys like James Taylor had envy from people because they can write their own tunes. Howard said that you're at your mercy if you can't write your own and you have to wait for Ed Sheeran to write it for you.
Ed said he worked with a writer on this album and he's had some number one hits. He said he doesn't sing, he just writes songs. He said he creates a hit and goes back to bed. Howard said it's crazy when you can do that.
Howard said he heard that Ed and Justin went to a mini golf course and Justin laid down and had him whack a ball off his face. He ended up hitting Justin in the jaw. Ed said he was sober and Justin was the one who was drinking. He said that Justin is pretty fun. He said there's never a dull moment with that guy. He said he has known him 6 years now. He said it was through his addicted time and now he's cleaned up.
Ed said that things are different in the U.S. He said in England you go to pub to hang out with friends but here they go to bars to get drunk. He said he can go months without drinking.
Howard asked Ed about the constant touring and things. He said Ed got off social media and traveled the world for a while. Howard said he even came to his house during that time. Howard said he's not traveling so Ed has to come see him. He said it was fun to see him with his girlfriend Cherry. Howard said he was amazed that he was with a girl he met in high school. Howard said that's almost impossible in the world of rock. Ed said he got rid of the social media and stuff because he was in balance and he didn't have any stable mates around him. He said he was waking up doing shows in the most amazing places around the world. He said he would just see bars after doing shows though. He said he had to find the balance. He took himself out to all of that stuff to find that balance.
Howard said that the social media stuff can be tough to take. Howard said it got to him. Ed said social media is a really weird place. He said he's not insecure at all but you make yourself insecure there. He said that you create a complex in your mind. He said he compares himself to other guys he doesn't even know. He said he's pretty confident but he has insecurities because of social media. Howard said that the fans will resent you for not looking like other performers. Howard said you'd think they'd worship him for looking normal. Ed said that he'd like to think that not having a 6 pack is kind of nice for other guys. He said he think that the public have a view of what a musician looks like. He said none of them look normal. He said if someone saw David Bowie the first time it wasn't normal. He said now it's revered.
Howard asked if he had management going after him for getting off social media. Ed said no. He said his manager is his best mate though. He said that he saw him flicking through it all the time at dinner. Howard asked if it's harder to write songs when you're addicted to the phone. Ed said he doesn't have a phone anymore. Howard said he got rid of that and the social media and the ideas for songs must come in a lot more. Ed said that they do. He said it's the worst when you're working and then you get a text in the middle of working. He said that can take an hour out of your work. Howard asked how Cherry is doing with all of this stuff. Ed said she's adjusting to it as well as he is.
Howard asked Ed about traveling around the world and what kind of places he's liked the most. Ed said that New Zealand is a really nice place. He said he thinks that's the kind of place that would be great to live in when there's a nuclear war. He said there's nothing there to really take other than the beautiful land. Ed said that he once got an email from a guy saying that Ireland was giving him a day of Ed in the county. He said he told his dad but it turned out that it was a joke.
Howard said that Ed went to Iceland and visited an active volcano and his foot slipped into it and he was told not to take his sock off. Ed took his sock off and it pulled the skin right off. Howard asked what the fuck he's doing. Ed said he walked up to a bubbling puddle and the ground collapsed. He said that he felt like he was going to die. He said that he had never felt like that before. Howard said that must have been a third degree burn. Ed said it was. He said they had gone there to see the Northern Lights. He said he had to get fake skin put on his foot. He said he woke up at the hotel later on finding out he had missed the Northern Lights.
Howard said he almost lost his hand too. Ed said he was playing drums with two beer bottles. He said he had been doing it for like 2 hours and at the end he cut his hand when he bashed the bottle. He said he got 12 stitches and then split his hand open that night. He said he was playing with Taylor Swift that night. Howard said the beer bottle thing is bound to break.
Howard asked what it's like to hang with Taylor Swift and if he's in the middle of all of the hot chicks she has around her. Howard asked why he never had anything with Taylor. Ed said they were both in relationships when they met and they just became friends. Howard said he can't imagine that. Ed said that he just wants friendship there. He said they know each other very well there. Howard asked if she was upset that he dated all of her friends. Ed said she encouraged it. He said she's a great wing man. Ed said that the reason he and Cherry got back together was because Taylor was having a 4th of July Party and Cherry was in town so he invited her. He said Taylor told him to invite her so she's a great wing man. Ed said he'd like to say that he's a great wing man too but he doesn't think so. Howard said Ed went through some of Taylor's friends when he was around her. Ed said he's been in that world and he needs a girl who properly grounds him.
Howard said that Ed made a lot of money in 2015 and he must have had friends asking him for money. Ed said that he did help some people out and then they'd fall off the face of the earth. He said there are some people who are embarrassed about it but he doesn't care. He said he'd rather help them out and then just carry on. He said it's nice to have them pay him back but he doesn't expect it. Howard said it becomes a burden at some point. Howard said he read a story about Ed going out to a bar and he took care of the tab. He said that he left and then they opened up the tab again on him. Ed said that's not cool. He said that if he has $10 it's going to go that day. He said he's not that worried about money. He said he has been happy without it and with it. He said he's just trying to get his head around other people's view of it.
Howard said Ed has talked about buying a big house and how he'd feel like a putz. Ed said his house feels cozy. He said he can shout and someone can hear him downstairs. He said he doesn't want to feel lonely in a house.
Howard said Ed's brother is a classical composer. Ed said his grandmother got really sick last year. He said his brother is in a completely different world. He said his grandmother wanted to see him do something with is brother so he worked with him on the string arrangements on his album. He said his brother has only heard of Rick Astley and Little Bow Wow. Howard asked how two kids can grow up in the same house and not know about the same stuff. Ed said they were so different. He said he left the house at 16 and his brother left at 18. He said that they came home that Christmas and they've been best mates ever since. He said when they were growing up they clashed a lot. He said after leaving home and coming back they have been best mates.
Howard said Ed asked his brother for his opinion on his music and he said he liked everything but two of the songs. Ed said he didn't tell him which two they were. He said his brother likes to fuck with people though. He said he came to see Taylor Swift and the dancers have red flags and stuff. He said that Taylor came up to Matthew and he asked her if she's a communist because of the red flags. He said he loves messing with people.
Howard said that both of them being musicians can lead to more rivalry. Howard asked if it's mind blowing for his brother. Ed said that Matthew is so minimal. He said that he got some money for doing the string arrangements and he said ''Oh wow! Now I can take the train instead of the bus.'' He said that's how little he cares about money. He said he loves the music he's into so much.
Howard said Ed won a Grammy and he looked like he was having so much fun that night. He said awards must not mean that much to him. Ed said he's been nominated for 13 and lost all 13. He said that his parents keep telling him that maybe this year will be the year. He said he won and Stevie Wonder presented to him. He said that Stevie invited him to perform the year before and he predicted that he'd win the next year.
Howard asked if Ed ever covered any Stevie Wonder songs. Ed said he has used elements of his stuff. Howard said Beyonce was performing and he just doesn't get her music. Ed said he's blown away by that. Howard said Ed was joined by Beyonce and he really loved her performance with him. He said Ed doesn't seem to get nervous. Ed said he does. He said you don't realize how talented someone is until you're right next to them. He said Beyonce is so talented. He said Stevie Wonder is so complicated and it's tough to follow along with his stuff. He said he was messing up right and left and Beyonce just kept going. Howard asked how long he practiced that. Ed said he did it a lot.
Howard asked Ed why he didn't just ditch the guitar and sing. Ed said he looks odd without a guitar. He said he looks like Ricky Gervais in The Office. Howard said Stevie Wonder was digging it. Ed said he's watched it over lots of times. Howard said he saw Jamie Foxx really digging it too. Howard said he thought that Ed lived with Jamie for a while. Ed said he did and that was the first time he had seen him in a long time. Howard said that was cool of Jamie to put him up in his house. Ed said that he had people telling him that he'd never make it there. He said that he kept playing in clubs there and he worked at Jamie's club and he ended up using his studio to record in and stuff like that. He said that it was so great that he was able to stay there. He said he knew he must have something if he was staying in a huge star's house. He said he didn't want to overstep his boundaries there. He said he felt very grateful to be there.
Ed said he flew home and started smashing out singles in England. He said he went back to the States and he went from not seeing Jamie to seeing him at the Grammy's. He said he's such a kind, gracious person. Howard asked if he bought his own food there. Ed said he made some money at a club selling his CDs. He said he was going to get a cab to go to his house. He said his cab fare was about $800 after he made $700 working that gig. He said Jamie had to loan him $100 to pay the guy.
Howard asked Ed if you have to do the sleeping on couches thing. Ed said that you almost do. Howard said there must be people who do all of that and never make it. Ed said he's never run across anyone like that.
Howard said he was listening to a motivational speaker and the he was saying that the people who become super successful want it more than anything else. He said not that many people have that kind of clarity. Ed said he's never made music for money. He said that it makes your life better when you have money but that's not what drives you. He said that it's kind of like a win. Howard said that it's not the kind of job that you do where you make all of that money and retire. Ed said he'd like to make 14 kids pick up guitars and have careers. Howard said he's thinking about Jamie Foxx and how he must want only kids as talented as Ed to stay with him.
Howard asked why he names his albums after math. Ed said after he went back to England he had to set a plan and stick to it. He said that you have to do that. Ed said he was going to do 5 independent EPs and he had plans for all of them. He said that he did all of that and then planned out the rest of his albums. He said that he had it all planned out and he's following that plan. He said that it's all part of a game plan. Howard said math can get you laid kids. Ed said he wanted to play Madison Square Garden at the end of the Taylor Swift tour. He said that he had to prove that he could do that. He said this time it's about proving he can do that everywhere.
Howard said there are times that Ed is hanging out with friends and he'll go home with them and start doing private concerts. Howard said he'll just do that. Ed said he will. Howard asked if he feels he has to do that or is it good warm up. Ed said he does it while he's making an album and it's a good way to gauge how people feel about his songs. Ed said that he'll play it and ask if it should make his album.
Howard asked Ed to have some fun and pretend this is his house. Howard said he's begged him to do some cover versions of some songs. Howard said the song ''In Da Club'' is a 50 Cent song and he'd like to know how he would do that. Ed did his version of the song. Ed said that song came out when he was like 11 so he knew the lyrics.
Howard said the song ''No Diggity'' is another one he covered. Ed said that he was in a club one night and they covered a song and it became a viral hit. Howard had him perform some of that for him too. Ed did that cover and Howard said that's great to have an arsenal in his head like that. Ed said that when he came back from England after the Jamie Foxx thing he wasn't standing out that much. He said when he came back to England he asked what he did well. He said he played nights that he didn't fit in well with. Ed said he came back to England and he started putting himself in odd situations. He said he did one show called The Sunday Show. He said it was a hard core comedy night. He said that anyone got on stage. Ed said he had to do that show.
Howard asked why he likes to do Always On My Mind by Willie Nelson. Ed said he's never done that song. Howard said he must have. He said he can see why he'd like Coldplay's ''Yellow.'' Ed said he performed that with Chris Martin on stage. He performed some of the song for Howard.
Howard said that Ed has such a gift with that voice. He doesn't worry about it because he will smoke and things like that. Howard said it must be healthier when you can be like that. Ed said that he would play clubs and you're sitting there smoking and drinking and you go up and play. Ed said that's the way he's always been. He said it's a mindset. He said if you think you're going to get ill or lose your voice then you'll get ill and lose your voice. Howard said he thinks he's right. Howard said he worried about it early on in his career and he lost his voice. Ed said that he just pushes through when he has to and that works for him.
Howard asked Ed about being somewhere that he got to hang out with Princess Beatrice. Howard said in their home they have some kind of special sword and she cut his face with one. Ed said that she was there. He said it was him and James Blunt playing with swords. He said that it's a boy thing that they do. Howard said they're real swords. Ed said he has a proper scar from it too. He said he kind of likes it. Howard said he likes that scar. Ed said he does.
Howard asked about his tattoos and if he's completely covered now. Ed said he got one of some flowers right above his crotch. Howard asked what Cherry thinks of that. Ed said she doesn't mind his tattoos. He said she likes them.
Howard asked what Ed thought about Adele starting a song over again on the Grammys. Ed said that was the right thing to do. He said he's done that but not at an awards show. He said if he doesn't hear the song right he'll start it over.
Ed said he got to see Adele performing when he was like 12 years old. He said they knew she was going to big but not as big as she's become. Howard said you have to go see other performers. Ed said he found it very difficult to see someone else play when he was taking time off. He said that he doesn't like festivals because he wants to get up and perform. He said he just likes performing.
Howard said he read that he has a wall in his house where people sign it when they come over but one wall where Eric Clapton signed it, that's the only autograph on that wall. Ed said that he started playing because of Clapton. He said he bought one of his fake guitars on eBay and he got an email from him the next day. He said Eric said ''Nice guitar.'' He said that they started talking after that. Howard said he has to get him into that. He said Eric needs to be friends with him. Ed said he's in New York today actually. Howard asked if he has to start that dialog. Ed said he and Eric emailed for like 2 years and then they went to dinner a couple of times. He said he filmed something with Paul Brady and Eric wanted to do a cover of a song with him. He said they played that song together. He said this is all very surreal for him. He said he was sitting next to the guy who inspired him to start playing guitar.
Howard said that's something else to have that going on. Ed said that he had someone else sign his wall with Eric Clapton's name on it. Ed said it was Russell Crow. He said he loves him so it's fine. Howard said that guy wants to be a musician. Howard said he must be a frustrated musician. Ed said he has an album out and he really likes it.
Howard asked what it's like when a friend puts out and album and asks his opinion. He asked if he can give his opinion. Ed said of course. He said he thinks they'd want him to be honest. Ed said they'll play it for him before it comes out. He said he'll tell them what he would have done.
Howard said this new album comes out and he has hit songs on it. Howard said it's awesome. Howard said he's going to perform the song ''Castle on the Hill'' and this is about the house where he grew up. Ed said he's getting into Springsteen lately. Howard said he is too. Ed said he and Howard talked about that when they hung out. Howard asked him to perform the song from the new album ''÷ (Divide).'' Ed performed ''Castle on the Hill'' after that.
After the song Howard said that's beautiful. He said he had John Mellencamp in there the other day and he was being very humble. He said he was saying that Springsteen is a better song writer. Howard asked if his management was pissed off that he released that song and ''Shape Of You'' at the same time. Ed said there was a lot of push back on that. He said that these days things are different. He said they're finding different ways to get attention. He said that it's like a B side like the Beatles used to do all the time. Howard said they're both in the top 5. Ed said that one song might be more of a hit than the other so that's the only thing that can go wrong. Howard asked if ''Shape of You'' is the one that's the bigger hit. Ed said it is but he thinks that's also the one he'll still be playing long in the future.
Howard said that someone was trying to get into the building saying that he was part of his team. Ed said that they did that with the Super Bowl too. He said there was something going on in England too about how he was having an affair with 3 different girls while he's been with Cherry. He said that the story was all wrong because he wasn't even there during the times they said he was. Howard said that can ruin a relationship though. Ed said that it can plant that seed of doubt. He said that story didn't get printed. He told them to go ahead and print it and he'll sue and win.
Howard said that he has seen that kind of stuff in the news about himself. He said even when the person they were talking about him being with was his wife she still has that doubt.
Howard said that Ed has done it all and said it all. He congratulated him on his new release. Robin said she was reading about some concerts he did and how Tom Hiddleston showed up at one. Ed said Katie Couric was there with her daughter too. He said he walked out and played on some tables and he saw Tom there and he had no idea he was going to be there. He said it was a secret event he did. Howard said Beth asked him about the concert he did for Sirius and he had no idea it was even going on.
Howard gave Ed some plugs and said you can find out more about his tour dates at EdSheeran.com.
Howard asked Ed if he found a drone in his garden. Ed said he did and there were some that took pictures of him in his house. Robin said maybe that's why he needs a big house. Ed said next time he comes in he may be in a 100 room house. Howard said that someone in his organization may be leaking stuff about him. Ed said that it's no one really close but someone is involved that's telling the press things. He said that it's stuff that only someone inside would know. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played a phony phone call Richard made to a guy about getting his porn movies back from a friend.
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Howard said he saw his buddy Ross Zapin in the halls yesterday. Howard said he is now the color red. He said he's known him for years. He said he asked if he reads the paper about skin cancer. Howard said the guy is bright red. He said he tans but he's beet red. Gary said he just came back from 4 days of skiing. Howard said it must have been sunny. Gary said he was in Florida a few days before that. Howard said that red is so bright.
Howard said when he was a kid he got a tan that was red as Ross. He said the airline stewardess asked if he was alright. He said he looked like Tan Dad. Howard said he thought he looked better but he really just looked like a lobster. Howard said he really did think he looked good but no one paid attention to him at school. He said Ross must think he looks better with a tan. Howard said the guy is bright red though.
Howard said Ross wants to go to dinner but people are going to wonder why he's out to dinner with a guy who is the color of a tomato. Howard said they should call him Red from now on. Howard said Malcolm X had that nickname because he used to dye his hair red or something. Robin said the chemicals would make the hair red. Howard said he's going to call Ross ''Red'' from now on. He said Ross doesn't care about the health risks.
Howard said that he looks like the Kool Aid mascot. He asked Fred if he saw him. Fred said he didn't. Howard said he has to get him in there. Gary said he'll go get him. Howard said Robin has to see him. Robin said she has to observe this.
Howard said that Jason has a picture of him all red. He came in and showed it but then Ross came in. Howard said that he doesn't look that red under these lights. Howard said he did yesterday though. He said he was in the middle of scalping Fred and he doesn't look so red. Howard said he wondered if Ross is the devil. Howard asked if he is scared of skin cancer. Ross said he is. He said he wars SPF 15. Howard said his guy told him to wear 50 indoors. He said that's in case he sits near a window. Howard said he can get too much sun that way.
Howard asked Ross why he hates that Springsteen song ''Waiting' On a Sunny Day'' so much. Ross said that he plays it for the kids. He said he'd rather hear the old stuff. Howard said Ross will yell that he hates the song. Ross said he doesn't really hate it. He said he goes to the bathroom when he plays the song. He said he does that song every show. He said he opens with it. He said he wants him to put it back on the shelf. Howard asked if he was telling people that Bruce looks at him. Ross said there was one show that he thought he did. Howard said he's looking at him thinking that's Chief Wahoo.
Ross said that it's a community feel at the show. He said that only happens with a few shows. Howard said he misses half the show when he's texting. Ross said he enjoys the show.
Howard said he went to diner with Ross and Ralph one time and he'll never do it again. He said they fight all the time. Ross said Ralph controls the conversation and never shuts up. Ralph said he's got to be kidding. He said Ross is the one who talks too much. Ralph said that they bet on the football pool and Ross owes him $100. Ross said they're even from all of the dinners he's bought for him.
Ralph said Ross slathers his tanning lotion on himself and it's something he gets from one place. He said it's like a stick of butter. He said if Robin put it on she'd get a sun burn in 2 minutes. Howard said his name is Red now instead of Ross. Howard said it's Red Zapin. Howard said they can go fry some bacon on his face.
Howard said he has a native American on the show. He took the call from the guys in the back who were happy that he's glad he's representing them finally.
Howard asked how that Ed Sheeran concert went. Ross said they did send out the email and he feels terrible about not having Beth there. He said that they'll send it to her next time. Howard said don't do them during the week. Howard said they have to do it when he can see it. Howard let Ross go after that. Howard said he has to leave because he has to go hunt buffalo. Howard said they have a red light in the studio so they couldn't see just how red he was. Howard said he's like the color of a redwood tree. Or Ferrari red. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he was thinking about making a short film about Ross going to a protest and meeting a Native American woman. He said that's enough of Ross.
Robin started her news with a story about John Mellencamp and how he was talking about how Meg Ryan hates him but she was downstairs waiting for him. Robin said they're still hanging out. Howard said she must have heard the interview and made amends with him. Robin said she doesn't know. Robin read an article about John seeing Meg later that day. Howard said it was news all over the place that day. He said she must have made up with him that day. Howard said he thinks they brought them together. Howard said they finally brought someone together after all these years.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she loved Ed Sheeran. She said ''Sheering'' so Howard had to correct her. Mariann said that America's Got Talent really treated Nick poorly. Howard said he's upset about it. Robin said there's no word on him going back. Howard said it's over. Mariann said they interviewed 3 more black people. Howard said he knows who his replacement is. Howard said he can't say it because he has wire tapped all of the NBC executive's phones. He said he actually gets information. He said that's why he knows it's over. Mariann said that they're begging people to come to the show now. Howard had to hang up on her because she was rambling a bit.
Robin read a story about Mel B's father dying. Robin said they had to shut down production for America's Got Talent because of that. Howard said he wrote himself a note to remind himself to send her a condolence note.
Robin read about how the Richard Simmons podcast is getting to his organization. Robin said they say that he's not being held hostage. Robin said the series claims that they're documenting how Richard has disappeared for several years. Robin said they say that he may be being held hostage by his long time mate. Howard said it was just a hypothesis. Robin said they say that Richard wants to live a more private life on his own. Howard said this guy who does the podcast is just presenting a hypothesis about what's going on. Robin said they're testing it out. Howard said he came up with a hypothesis the other day. He said he noticed on the weekend he makes more doody than during the week. Howard said he thinks that stress reduces the amount of doody. Howard said
Robin read a story about a study that shows Americans are having less sex than they did in the 90s. Robin said married people are feeling the sharpest decline. Robin read about how married people are having up to 20 times fewer. Robin said that the increased entertainment options and anti-depressants may be causing some of that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how women are planning rallies and walk outs tomorrow. Robin said it's to draw attention to economic equality and other issues. Howard said that high school years were known as ''A Day without a Woman.'' Howard said he supports that day. He said that he had 10,000 days without women. Robin said he always had his mommy.
Robin read about how many people have DVRs and Netflix in their homes now.
Robin said that Robert Osbourne has passed away. Robin said that Howard met him at a dinner party. Robin said she sat next to him and Howard sat a couple over. Robin said he worked for TCM and picked movies for Turner Classic Movies. Howard said he doesn't remember the man. Robin said he was 84 years old. Fred played Robin's theme music and it had lyrics this time. Howard had him replay it. They added ''Robin's titties. Robin's black titties...'' and more to the song.
Robin read a story about what killed Bill Paxton. Robin said that it was a stroke after his heart surgery. Robin said he went in for open heart surgery and this can happen after that. Howard said it's usually a heart attack or a stroke. Robin said that it was a post operative complication that took Bill Paxton away.
Robin said that George Michael died too. Howard said he got a whiff of Gary's breath. Robin said he died of natural causes. He had a heart attack. Howard said things can happen. Robin said that's what life is all about.
Robin read a story about a transgender boy who was suing for the right to use the bathroom. Robin said the Supreme court has handed it back to the lower courts. Robin said the high schooler feels uncomfortable in the bathroom he has to use. Robin had some audio of the kid for Howard to play. Howard said he was born a girl and now he looks more like a dude than he does.
Howard took a call from Marfan Mike who said that he thought that something was really good. Robin and Howard had no idea what he said. Howard said he can do an impression. He did his impression of him saying that interview with Ed Sheeran was really good. Robin still didn't understand. Howard asked how he's been. Mike said something else that Robin didn't understand. Howard was talking to him doing the impression of him. He and Mike went back and forth and Howard asked if his tongue was this way when he was born. Mike said he was born this way. He said he's not sure what's wrong. Howard kept going with the impression. Mike laughed. Robin said he says he wants a cat with no hair on it. Howard said Robin is better at this than he is. Howard thanked Mike for calling in and said they'll get him in the Wack Pack soon. He said they just have the formality of the vote. Howard said they have to get on getting some new Wack Pack. He said they have to do The Gathering soon. Jason said it is coming soon.
Howard asked Mike if he can force himself to sound normal. Mike said he can try. He said ''Hello. How are you'' but it fell apart at the end. Howard let Mike go. He said he likes that guy. Robin said he sounds like a good guy.
Robin read a story about a study that found blacks are more likely to be convicted of a crime. Robin read details about that and asked if they really need a study about that. Robin read more details about that.
Robin read a story about a new scientific advance that may increase the number of organs that are available for transplant. Robin said they have discovered a way to thaw deep frozen organs and tissue without damage. Robin said that they have been successful with some tests. Robin said they have to test the technique with some animals before trying it with human organs. Howard said that's why he hired JD. He said he's his designated organ donor.
Robin asked if Howard would want his car to be made on a 3D printer. Howard said yes. Robin said Ford is trying it out with some of their race cars and it may lead to them using it for production cars too. Robin said if they start making car parts with 3D printers that's even fewer people on the line for auto makers.
Robin read that Volkswagen is showing a self driving car at a car show. Robin said that it can display maps on the windshield and things like that. Howard said his daughter just got a Volvo and the car will parallel park for you. He said it's amazing. Robin said she has a lot of those things in her car too. Robin said that she doesn't know how that works. Robin said this Volkswagen has live plants growing in it too. Howard said he doesn't need that. He said he feels bad when plants start dying. He said he has to take care of them and he hates it when they die.
Robin read a story about Ben Carson comparing slaves to immigrants. Robin had some audio of Ben Carson saying that slaves were immigrants. Howard asked how he could have been such a brilliant brain surgeon. Howard said he saw Ben Carson at a party and the guy looks really young. Robin said he has to be in his 60s. Howard said he looks like he's in his 40s. Fred said he's 65. Robin said he must not have a lot going on in his own brain. Robin said that's the craziest thing he's ever heard. Robin said the NAACP immediately picked up on this.
Robin said that President Trump also signed a new travel ban yesterday. Robin had some audio of Mitch McConnell talking about the new ban. Robin said it's there to try to avoid court challenges. Robin said they say that it's vital to have this.
Robin read a story about the White House still defending President Trump's claim that Obama tapped his wires. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said most people are saying that there is no credible evidence to support it.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked Robin what kind of car she got with the moon roof. Robin said she didn't say that. Robin said she has a view of her car from the top. Robin said it's an aerial view of her car. King asked what kind of car it is. Robin laughed. Howard said she has a James Bond car. King wanted to guess. He asked if it's in the $75,000 range. Robin said ''here we go...'' Howard said he should be producing his radio show now. King said they're off the air now. He said it's doing good though. King asked if it's 4 or 2 door. Robin said it's 5 doors. Robin said she isn't going to tell him what kind of car she has. Howard said he's wondering now too. He said she bought a clown car. Howard asked if she bought a crazy car. Robin said she bought a BMW SUV. King said it must be an X6. Howard said he has to let King go. Robin said it's not an X6. Robin said she got an X5. King said she could have gotten an X6. King asked if it's black. Robin said it's silver. King said that the BMW black fades after a few weeks. Howard said he only gets black cars. He said he's a bad ass.
King asked if Howard has any cars like that. Howard said he has to go. He said he has meetings and things. King said he has just one more question. He asked Howard if he has a car in his garage. Howard said he does. He said he has a Mercedes truck. Howard said it's old and it only has a couple thousand miles on it. Howard said he doesn't do a lot of driving. Howard said his phone connection is so fucking bad. He hung up on King and did a live commercial read.
after the commercial read he said his parents have to get that Blue Apron thing. He said his parents go out to eat and complain about the food. He did an impression of his parents talking about guacamole but his mom was calling it ''glockamole.'' Howard said that he felt bad telling her it's guacamole. Fred played George Takei saying it. Howard said he's going to get her some Blue Apron with glockamole.
Howard asked Robin if she likes her new car. Robin said she loves it. Howard asked if she still has the car he got for her. Robin said she does. Howard asked Fred what he drives. Fred said he has a Jeep. He said his wife drives it all over the place. He said the Jeep runs great. He said they used to have a car and it was in the shop all the time because it kept hitting potholes. That led to Fred doing his King of All Blacks impression and goofing on him for a few seconds. Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done aroudn 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he loves to sing and show off. He was singing along to his theme song. Howard said he wants to start off telling you that it's Eric the Actor's birthday today. He said he's not around anymore but it is his birthday. Robin asked how old he would have been. Howard wasn't sure. Gary told him he would have been 42. Howard said they always quote Eric when they do the show. Howard said the coincidence is that his manager, Johnny Fratto, died too. Howard said that they've had people die who have been part of the show for so long. Howard said that Nicole Bass is gone and he's sure other people will be gone soon too. Robin said they need a wall with names etched in it.
Howard said he's bringing up Eric because he doesn't want to forget. He said they have played clips in the past but that doesn't do him justice. Howard said he wants to keep him alive by always giving him new things to do. He said they have so much tape of Eric that he thought it would be wonderful by having him do a phony phone call with clips of Eric. Howard said he would have been 42 today.
Fred played Eric's theme music. Howard said he loves that music. He said they had Eric call the angry radio guy. Howard played the call and they had Eric telling this angry radio guy that he loves him and wants to fuck him. The angry radio guy said he's a fucking fag. They had Eric telling him that he likes the way he looks. The guy went off on him saying he doesn't like queers. They had Eric say that he's club fucking footed. The guy said he probably deserves all that he has. They had Eric yelling at the guy and the angry radio guy eventually hung up. Then the guy sang a song.
Howard said there you go. Robin asked where that show is broadcast. Howard said it must be on the internet. Howard said happy birthday to Eric who is still turning in great stuff.
Howard played a medley of classic Eric clips. They had a bunch of Eric clips where he said crazy stuff.
Howard said that radio show that they called into had that song at the end. He said he was fascinated by that. He sang about beating up punkers and faggots. Howard said it's a song by Biker Joe Warren. He said he has a bunch of songs like that on an album. Howard said it was an odd choice of words in the song that he played. Howard said Ed Sheeran wrote this for him. Howard played the song and listened to the wacky lyrics. Howard said the song goes on and on and on. He said it's a full song. He said he makes Johnny Rebel sound tolerant.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who was doing an impression of the angry radio guy. He was singing that song Howard had just played. Howard said it was nice of him to have Eric on the show. The guy said he likes white people and Christian people. He said he likes anyone with the last name of Hitler too. Howard thanked him for calling in. Howard said they have guys who do impressions of people that no one wants to hear from.
Howard said that this Biker Joe Warren has other songs. Jason said they're putting them up now. He told Howard some of the titles. Howard said the harmonica on the song is something. He wondered if that guy knew what he was going to record when he came in to play harmonica. He said that might be Stevie Wonder who did that.
Howard said maybe the guy came in as a session musician and asked him to do that. He said maybe they gave him charts.
Howard played the song ''Dingleberry Blues'' by Biker Joe Warren. Howard said that harmonica is in there too. Robin said she thinks she's heard this before. Howard said he thinks this was Gary's wedding song. Howard said it was his first dance. Howard said that should be JD's song. He said he suddenly has the urge to fuck his cousin after hearing this song.
Howard said Biker Joe has a song called ''Hershey Highway'' too. He said he has a lot of ass stuff in his music.
Howard played another song by Biker Joe called ''I Wanna Be a Gynecologist.'' Howard said that's Biker Joe Warren and a couple of his tunes.
Howard said he was listening to some tape JD sent to him. He said his name is mentioned in news and he gets it sent to him. Howard said he got annoyed by this. He said he was speculating about Donald Trump because they kind of know the guy. Howard said he has been in his company a couple of times and he has been in conversations. He said they don't hang out all the time. Howard said he's been on the show a bunch of times. Howard said he has seen him privately too. Howard said he got a ride in his helicopter do his casino. Howard said he doesn't know him as well as he knows Fred. He said he doesn't even know Fred that well. Howard said he doesn't claim to be an insider or best friend of Donald Trump but he did call him when he was out on the road campaigning. Howard said Donald said he wanted to do it because he wanted to see where it goes. Howard said he never had a deep conversation with him. Howard said he was speculating that he doesn't understand why a guy at 70 would want to do this. He said he has the life. He said it's amazing to have what he has. He said he did tell Donald that he doesn't think he should be running.
Howard said he was talking to Robin about all of this and he doesn't think that Donald is enjoying it. Howard said he tweets about not caring how people feel about him but he does care. He said he was saying that it must be fucking with his head. Howard said when people are disagreeing with him he's not enjoying it. He was speculating about all of this with Robin. He said JD sent this clip to him yesterday and this guy Chris Ruddy was on some show talking about that. Howard said they told him that Chris is a dude who works for one of those conservative web sites or newspapers. Gary said he owns Newsmax. Howard said this guy is commenting on his comments about Trump and he kind of mumbles his way through it. He said he gets everything wrong. Howard said he claims he was with Trump and he discussed him with Trump.
Howard played the clip and Chris talked about how he's not going to explain Howard Stern to him. He said he's the shlockiest shock jock. Howard said then he goes on to explain him. He said it's fucking crazy. Howard played more of the clip and Chris talked about speaking to Trump and talking about Howard Stern. He said Trump said that Howard is telling everyone that he doesn't like the job. Howard said he wants to play that clip 20 times. He said he claims they discussed him in the oval office with the President. Howard said he mumbles something about him in that. Howard replayed the clip and Chris said that Trump told him that Howard is saying he shouldn't be in the job and some other things. Howard said there's no way he said that to him. Howard said he was speculating on how Trump might feel and there's no way Trump said this to the guy. Howard said he thinks Chris Ruddy is making this shit up.
Howard played more of the clip and Chris said that Trump is very relaxed and there are no mental health issues. Howard said he didn't say there were any mental health issues. He said that he thinks it's going to bother him having people picking him apart. Howard said the guy is fighting with everyone, even Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said that this guy Chris Ruddy thinks that he's happy being president. Howard said no one has even heard of this guy Chris Ruddy. He said at least he hasn't. Howard said he really wanted to get that out there. He said it's not him saying he spoke to the president. He said he's so far out of the inner circle. He said he doesn't think Trump likes anyone who didn't vote for him. He said Trump knows he didn't vote for him.
Howard said he doesn't have nay inside information about Trump but it seems like his opinion is very important. Howard said he doesn't have any credentials. Robin said they're saying he's not insane like they have credentials.
Howard said Biker Joe Warren wrote ''Fag Bashing.'' He played some of the song and there was whistling in it. Howard said he hasn't heard that since Andy of Mayberry. Howard said he can't even whistle.
Howard said someone said that JD is so sick he can't come in the studio. Howard asked what's wrong with him. JD said he's got a cold he can't get rid of. Howard said his immune system must be weakened from his sheets being cleaned too often now. Howard said JD is in his 30s and he's fat. He said that's why he gets sick. Howard said he is in for a whole crazy ride. He said he has to nip that shit in the bud. JD said the fiancee is helping. He said she had oranges and radishes and salmon for dinner. Howard said that's it? JD said she's not into potatoes so he doesn't have French fries or anything. Howard said he makes up for it at work.
Howard asked if they order out every night. JD said his fiancee cooks. Howard said she has a nice body and she likes to run marathons so that's a good thing for JD. Howard said JD has a big beard now like a Letterman beard. JD said he's going to shave it in the next week. JD said he's either all in or all out with the beard. Howard asked if they think he's a Hasidic Jew. JD said he's never had anyone bring that up.
Howard did his impression of JD as if he were a Hasidic Jew. He had him praying. Howard said he has this big beard and he's either going to have that or be clean shaven. JD said he may have stubble. He said he'll shave it all down. Howard said he likes the beard.
Howard asked what's wrong with JD. JD said he's got a cough and he feels weak today. Howard said he has to lose some weight. He said he must have to lose like 30 pounds. JD said he's like 215 pounds. Howard asked how tall he is. JD said he's 5'9''. Howard said he's too heavy. He said he should be 170 or 180. Howard said 15 pounds isn't going to do anything. Robin said he should run with his girlfriend. JD said he doesn't see any appeal in running. Robin said he can bond with his wife. JD still wasn't interested.
Howard said he was brushing his teeth in the nude and he saw himself in the mirror. He said he was going to go into the shower and he was brushing vigorously and his belly was jiggling. He said he thought how disgusting he was. Howard said he looked at his nub of a penis and all of that. Howard said he has that ass with cellulite on it. Robin said maybe it's genetics. Howard said his mom always had that. He said his dad did too. Howard said his wife doesn't have an ounce of cellulite. Howard said she keeps right up with him when they go out to eat. Howard said it must go to her titties. He said it all goes right there. He said it knows not to go anywhere else.
Fred said that JD should be 6'4'' tall with the weight he's at. He said he should be at about 150 pounds according to what he was reading.
Howard said Fred still works out. Fred said he does. He said he doesn't box anymore but he does work out. He said he thinks he fucked up his toes jumping rope. He said it hurts down there. Howard asked if he was able to cross the rope like Mike Tyson jumping rope. Fred said he never got there. Howard said they don't make a jump rope long enough for him. Fred said he'd have to order one special order.
Howard read about the height and weight chart for JD. Howard said he's obese at that weight. Fred said he's way obese.
Howard asked JD why he doesn't do something. JD said he walks home and to work sometimes. He said that it's a 35 minute walk or so. He said he tries to walk fast sometimes. Howard asked if he sits around the rest of the time. JD said pretty much. Howard said he should walk an hour or hour and a half.
Howard asked JD what he has eaten this morning. JD said he didn't have anything. Howard said that's bullshit. Howard said every fat person says they don't eat breakfast. Howard said he had a radish and orange for dinner. Howard said he's really turning into a fat person. He said he swears he doesn't eat. Howard said he shouldn't come in there. JD said he won't.
Howard had some audio of Jeff blocking JD. Howard played the clip and Jeff said JD deserved everything that Howard gave him on the air. Jeff said ''fuck you, fucker!'' Howard said there's nothing better than Jeff the Drunk lecturing someone about life.
Howard had more Jeff the Drunk clips from Periscope. Howard said he had trouble opening a package of taco shells. He ended up throwing them and breaking them. JD said he got pissed off and crushed the rest of them. Howard said he was foiled again by taco shells. Howard played the clip and Jeff was getting angry trying to open the shells and half fell on the floor. Jeff then smashed the rest.
Howard said that's how taco salad was invented. Robin said he just crushed them back into corn meal. Shuli came in and started doing his Jeff impression.
Howard had Jeff on the phone and asked him what was up with that. He said he has a slow cough that Jeff did on the air. Howard said he's going to be doing an obituary for Jeff soon too. Howard played the clip and Jeff was coughing and had a big wet sound at the end of it.
Howard said Jeff lights up a cigarette after doing that. He said it must be some kind of joke. Jeff said it's not. He said the smoking actually helps him. Shuli asked where he spits that muck up. Jeff said he knows where he does it. Shuli said he has a bottle on his table. Howard said he can't listen to this.
Shuli said he heard a story about the girl who helped him run his Periscope had a falling out and he's banned her and blocked her. He said she's the one who came from Australia. Jeff said she got weird. He said she was telling him to block this one and that one and she always had a problem with the nicest people in his 'scope. Howard said he sounds like he's describing Richard Simmons' maid. Shuli said this woman flew there on her own dime and then he turns on her. Howard asked if there's blood in his cough. Jeff said no. Howard said that can't be. He said he thinks there's pancreas in that cough. Jeff said no.
Shuli asked who is running his Periscope now. Jeff said he's doing it himself now. Shuli said he has people who help him out with stuff. Jeff said it's not her. Howard said that he's running a phlegmy empire over there. Shuli said he's going to block him now. Shuli said he's the only one who pulls audio for the show.
Jeff said he wants to say hello to Laverne. Howard was ready to let him go but Jeff said he has a story. He said that it'll take less than 30 seconds. Jeff said he was on Periscope yesterday and this woman got a ticket for being on Periscope. That was the whole story. Howard said it was just 15 seconds. He asked what the fuck he's talking about. Jeff started yelling. Howard thanked him for ruining the show.
Howard asked Jeff why he would tell that story after having a good appearance. Jeff said he still does. Howard said he doesn't. Howard played the coughing fit clip again. Howard said that was some performance.
Howard said he had to talk to Shuli about something. He had a Tan Mom clip to take about but he wanted to do it later. He said maybe he'll do it now.
Howard said Shuli called Tan Mom and she claims that she met a guy and this guy is moving her and the kids to Texas. Howard said he think she's still married. Howard played the clip of Tan Mom talking about moving to Dallas. She told Shuli she met this guy at a party she flew out to a couple of weeks ago. She said he's a stockbroker. Tan Mom said that she can't say she hooked up. She said she calls it Chicken Soup. She said she's only kissed the guy. Howard said that he doesn't believe any of that. He said she calls fucking ''chicken soup.'' Howard said that's crazy. Howard asked Shuli to do his Tan Mom voice. He talked to him for a few minutes as Tan Mom.
Howard said this is funny. He said Shuli asked if Tan Mm wanted to talk to some of the other guys there and then he didn't even change his voice and she spoke to him as if they were Memet, Richard, Gary and Sal. She thought she was talking to all of them but it was Shuli's voice every time.
Howard said he's convinced that something went down with Tan Mom and Sal that Sal can't talk about. Howard said she's got anger toward Sal that seems out there. Shuli said he thinks she's just attached to anyone who is nice to her. Howard said Sal was all sexed up about her. Sal asked if Howard is out of his mind. Howard said she's talking to someone she had something with. Sal said he led her on and found her attractive and it kind of backfired on him. Howard asked if Sal did anything with her. Sal said ''No!'' Howard asked if he ever fingered her or anything. Sal said these are all good ideas but no.
Sal said Tan Mom swung a crutch at him on an airplane. He said she almost hit the flight attendant. Howard said she has some kind of weird voice with Sal. He said it's like she was spurned by him. Howard said there's something going on there. Howard said Sal could have done that to get back at his wife for her emotional friend thing. Sal said this wouldn't have been the one. He said he never made out with her or anything like that when Howard asked.
Howard asked if they taped the flight stuff. He had a clip of Tan Mom yelling for Sal on the plane. He played it and it was Tan Mom just yelling for Sal and telling him to just sit in his seat and shut up. Sal said the people on the flight looked like they were being held hostage. Shuli said he was 2 rows in front of her. Howard asked why they didn't throw her off the plane. Sal said that's what he doesn't understand. He said she was spaying her spray tan on the plane. Shuli said she was blasting herself in the face with it.
Howard said Tan Mom went off on the flight attendant when they moved her from the emergency row. Tan Mom was yelling at Sal too in that clip. She told them to ''just fly bitch.'' Sal said you can hear her swing the crutch in that clip. He said that Howard wonders if he's fucking her. Howard said some day they'll hear that he fucked her. Howard said he's surprised that they didn't have the military take that flight down.
Howard asked if she was a pain in the ass the whole flight. Sal said she was yelling his name out every 10 minutes. He said it was an hour and 10 minute flight and it felt like 10 hours.
Shuli said she's been arrested at the airport before. He said she's gone out for a smoke and she'll refuse to go through security again when she comes back. Howard said they should have put her in a duffel bag and put her on the flight.
Sal said that Steve Nowicki went along with them and Tan Mom thought he was Memet the whole time. Howard said Memet told him the other day that his real name is Adrian or something. He said he's not sure where Memet came from.
Howard said that's the greatest tape ever. He said he has to take a break but he was going to bring up something about Memet. He said it's real good. Fred played the Mr. Softee theme. Howard said the guys were saying that David Cassidy sounds like Tan Mom in an interview but he doesn't think he does. Howard said JD sounds like Mumbles from Dick Tracey.
Howard said he has more Tan Mom clips. He played another Shuli interview with Tan Mom. She said she was just about to go outside and video cam another SWAT team in front of her home. Howard asked how anyone can take her. Robin asked if they have ever spent a full 24 hours with her. Shuli said he has tried. Howard played more of the clip and Tan Mom was complaining and she got cut off. Shuli said her car wasn't in gear so it rolled and crashed into a neighbor's house. Howard had some audio of Shuli talking to her about that. Tan Mom said she lives on a big hill and the car rolled.
Howard played another clip of Tan Mom leaving a voicemail for Shuli that was pointless. She was talking about a gift she got for Howard. Shuli said he's seen it. He said it's all pictures of her and Howard's name on it once. He said it's a sled with all of these pictures on it.
Howard had another clip of Tan Mom insulting Sal. In that one Tan Mom was talking about Sal and how she's sure Richard has a long dick compared to Sal. She said trust me and ''good luck'' and hung up. She said it in a funny way that Shuli was doing an impression of. Sal said that's when they pranked her and had Richard cumming all over his face. Howard said she was up there once and they had her catch them having sex. Sal had hand lotion on his face and Tan Mom walked in and thought that Richard had just finished on him. Sal said she stormed out of the studio. Shuli was doing his Tan Mom impression and had Howard cracking up.
Howard said that she probably still thinks they're gay. Robin said maybe that's why she's angry at Sal. Sal said he told her it was a joke. She said she saw the cum on his face so she didn't believe it. Howard asked if it was a lot of cum. Sal said it was a lot. He said Richard jumped in and fixed his belt. Howard asked if he could only see his eyes. Shuli said it was all over his face. Howard said he was cumming for a month all over his face. Howard was cracking up at the story.
Howard played some audio of that moment when Tan Mom walked in and saw Sal and Richard. She asked why Sal had cum all over his face. She said she saw Richard pulling his pants up. She said she just saw it. Howard said Sal looked like a snow man. Howard asked if they video'd that. Sal said there is video. Howard said he has to get this 360 project together. He said he has to get it up there. Sal said she believes to this day that it was real.
Howard played more of the audio of Tan Mom talking about what she just saw. She said she saw Sal under the table. Sal still had the fake cum on his face at the time. Tan Mom said she saw him blowing him. She said she thought Sal was his friend and that's disgusting. Tan Mom said she wasn't born yesterday. Shuli did an impression of her and said it sounds like her batteries are worn down as she's speaking. Shuli kept doing that impression and had Howard cracking up.
Shuli said Natalie Maines thinks she's not a Wack Packer. Howard said she's wrong about that. Howard played more audio of Tan Mom talking about going out to smoke. Sal had to go out and calm her down after that. Howard said he has to see the video of that.
Howard said when he gets that whole 360 thing together they'll take this conversation and play the video in a loop. Shuli said they can do the same bit in a year from now with a bunch of the guys covered in cum. Howard said it's an hour and 17 minutes without a break. He said they should have a drone follow Tan Mom around. He said they should have the guy in Dallas get a load on his face. He said that any woman would know what a real load looks like. Sal said he had so much on his face. He said Richard would have to cum for a year on his face. Howard said it was a ridiculous amount. Sal said it was all over the place. Howard said it doesn't even look real.
Howard said they should have used mayonnaise and had Richard lick it off. Sal said maybe he'll have Richard fuck his ass and cum on his cheeks. Howard said he could have a big shit stain in his underwear and have a bloody mess back there. Shuli said she'd walk in and say she has to call 911. He was still doing that ''running out of battery'' impression that had Howard and Robin cracking up.
Howard was doing the impression too. He said it's like she's just running out of juice. Howard asked if Shuli can do an impression of he plays a clip of her doing a line. Shuli said sure. Howard played a clip and had Shuli do it. Howard laughed after that. Howard said they should have Sal drowning in a kiddie pool of Richard's cum. He said it would a sea. Shuli said they could have a fire hose shooting it on him. Howard said it would be like a civil rights fight kind of hose spraying on him. Shuli did his Tan Mom reacting to that. Howard said he could die a happy man if he saw that.
Howard said the stuff could be oozing out of the door like in the Shining. He said it would be with cum though. He said Sal is surfing a cum wave. Shuli said she could be under water complaining about there being so much cum. Howard was laughing at all of that.
Howard replayed the clip where Tan Mom caught Sal and Richard together. Howard asked why he hasn't seen this video yet. He said he has to see it. Sal said maybe the next one should be a circle jerk. Shuli said they could have their hands covered in fake jizz. Sal said he can have it dripping off his chin.
Howard played more of the clip where Tan Mom was telling Will about what she had just walked in on. She wasn't even finishing sentences. She was giving vague details about what she had seen. Shuli said you pick up something new every time you listen to that clip. He did an impression of her saying ''I beg to differ'' but it's all one word.
Shuli said she once said to Sal that it was irrelevant that he was married. He said she gets what she wants. Shuli did more of his impression for Howard and had him laughing the whole time. Howard thanked Shuli. Shuli thanked him as Tan Mom. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said that he should read some stuff from the email. He read about this guy Tebar Novak who does interviews on the street. Howard played a clip of that guy asking what he should eat in New York City. The guy was acting like he had no idea what any of this food was. He kept asking what this stuff was that was being described.
Howard said everyone loves Tebar. Howard said he has some phony phone call fun now. He said that they called a show where they laugh at cancer. Howard said these people are super religious and no one listens to the show. Howard said they get so excited about it when they get a call. Howard said they bring up cancer and then they played laughs over the phone and accused them of laughing at them. Howard played the clip and one of the guys called in saying his dad had liver cancer. Then you hear Ronnie laughing. The guys accused the hosts of the show of laughing. Then they had Robin laughing and George Takei too. They hung up on the caller because he asked what the fuck was going on. Then they had a guy call in about testicular cancer and they had Beetlejuice laughing.
After that Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said he heard from Natalie Maines yesterday. He said she suggested they get a psychiatrist in there to find out what's wrong with Memet. Howard said they had a woman in there once who analyzed the guys and they may need her to come back to analyze Memet.
Howard said maybe they can try to pick JD's brain about the proposal or the Memet stuff. Howard said maybe he'll hit the Memet thing now. He said he has a lot of stuff he wants to get to. He said he has a Deion Sanders clip to play too. He said they had this combine thing and it looks like a slave auction. He said they drag these guys out on TV and ask them to jump up and down and make them do all kinds of things. Howard said they look them over like horses or something. He said the players wear super tight outfits so you can see their cocks. Robin asked if they televise that. Howard said Robin should be all over that. Howard said Deion Sanders said he wouldn't have done this. He said he'd never take a written test. Howard played the clip and Deion was talking about what it was like for him. He said they gave him a thick book and they wanted to test him. Deion said he told them they were 10th in the draft so he'd be gone by the time they got to them.
Howard played a clip of Deion Sanders saying ''On your march'' instead of ''On your mark'' when he was starting a race. Howard said he has to have heard that a million times. He wondered why he got that wrong. Howard said one of the guys said that one of the guy's dicks fell out during the combine last year. Howard asked who the player was.
Richard came in and told Howard about what happened and how you see this thing flopping around. He said his name was Chris Jones. Richard said he asked his wife for his jersey for his birthday. Howard said it's a guy's cock. Richard said he plays for Kansas City and he did good this last year. Howard said he can't believe he wants his jersey. Richard said it's impressive. He said Howard would want it too.
Howard let Richard go after that. He said that the guy did get drafted because of that big cock.
Howard said Steve Nowicki went through his email and it turns out he has an email from the same guy. Howard said he deleted it though. Howard had Memet come in so he can tell him more about this.
Howard said the guy contacted Steve a while ago and he offered him $8,000. Memet said great. He said he's a broken man now. He said he's just going to disappear for a while now. He said people hate him when he tells these stories. He said he's just telling the truth about what's going on and people get angry. He said people are telling him to kill himself.
Howard said this guy came on to Steve and Will as well. He said that Memet is obsessed with what people say about him online. Howard said he's checking his phone all the time. Memet was listening to the Wrap Up Show the other day because he knew they were going to talk about him. Memet said that they talk shit about him and he wants to know what they're saying.
Howard had Steve Nowicki come in to talk about the email he got. Steve said he put it in his spam folder. He said he didn't want anything to do with it. Robin said Nowicki isn't gay. That's why he didn't do anything. Memet said he's not homophobic. There's a difference. Memet said you're a fool for not taking it.
Howard said this guy says that Memet is the one who came up with the idea to do the 5 grand thing. Memet said that it's not happening no matter what now. Howard said he thinks that he'd end up doing something with the guy.
Steve said that Memet told the guy not to talk about the other guys he sent mail to and that's a douchy thing to do. Memet said that he likes the attention coming on him. Howard asked why he'd be upset with Steve getting attention. Memet said he's sorry. Steve said he was so annoyed when he accused him of lying about banging a squirter. He said that Memet is the liar and that's why he gets so upset. Howard said Steve never gets annoyed like that.
Shuli came in and said that he spoke to the guy for about an hour yesterday. He said this guy is the sugar daddy. He said he's not super rich and he doesn't do this often. He said he was drunk and sent Memet a message. He said that he is attracted to the other guys too. He said when Memet replied $5,000 for what and the guy tried to get out of it but Memet was the one asking what else they could come up with. Memet said he was curious and he found it funny. Howard said he wants that 5 grand. Howard asked when the guy is going to respond to him. Memet said he's not going to do it. Howard said he will. Memet said he's not. Howard told him not to bullshit.
Memet said he's going into hiding for a while. He said he's not going to do anything. Howard asked why he's doing the sad act. Memet stuttered and stammered. He said everyone hates him. Howard said no one hates him.
Steve said Memet tries to get on the air and then he says he dreads being on radio. Howard said every time he's on the PDT he tweets out a picture of his name on the radio. Memet said he does enjoy parts of it. Howard said he likes being on the radio. Memet said that his approach to it is that what makes the show interesting... Howard said he's always tweeting about his name on the PDT. Memet said he only did it once. Howard said it was twice.
Memet said he'll go away if people don't want him talking about his life. Howard laughed. Gary came in and said that Memet says he doesn't want this but in the bull pen in the back he holds court there and has a conversation that everyone can hear. He said anyone who wants to be a dick can come to him. He said that it's like he's back there work shopping his bits there. Memet said he's not going to do that anymore from now on.
Robin said he knows exactly what he's doing. Shuli asked why he's going back and reading what people have to say about him online. Shuli said they hate everyone. Steve told Memet to just own it and stop saying he hates being on the air.
Howard said Memet wrote a tweet where he has a picture of a guy with a gun to his head and said that's him reading his mentions on Twitter.
Howard said Memet wants to do a competition where he goes up against the other guys. Howard said Memet is ready for that now. Memet said he's out. Howard said he was the one who proposed it.
Howard said they have a staffer there who is jealous of Memet. Howard took a call and Mike Trainor (The Lump) called in and said he's not jealous now that he's heard this segment.
Howard asked who Memet's competition is. He asked what he'd be wearing. Memet said he doesn't want to get into it. He said he just wants to go away and give everyone what they want. Howard asked if he's going to oil up. Memet said he's bowing out. He said he was up until like 4am reading the horrible things people say about him. Howard said he should just go to bed.
Memet said with the Wrap Up Show it's hard not to know that coworkers are on the air talking shit about you. Howard asked what they're saying. Memet asked if he's not suffered enough. Howard asked if he's pissed at Jon Hein. Memet said that Jon, Rahsaan and Gary all talk about him on the air. Gary said that he can start with Jon and he can start with that one. Memet said that he's most mad at people online ho are saying stuff about him. Howard said he gets it all day but doesn't read it. Memet said he thought that he and Steve were friends but now he's finding out they're not. Steve said he was just annoyed by that stuff. He said he's still his friend. He said Memet is a good guy but he's annoying at times.
Gary said Steve made a speech back there and he got applause from everyone. Shuli said he's also taking a lot of selfies. Memet said he takes like one a month. He said that they are obsessed with everything he does back there. Robin said she's looking at all of his selfies. Memet said that if you go on Gary's page you'll see a lot too. Robin said she's seeing at least 10 selfies of Memet. Memet said you can see the dates on them. He said he puts one out a month or so. He said that's nothing. He said go on anyone's Facebook and they have pictures of themselves like 3 times a week. He said everyone is enraged by his though.
Gary asked who had a selfie stick other than Memet. Memet said he had it so they could take pictures together. Howard asked if Tan Mom likes that. Shuli did his impression of her talking about that.
Howard told Memet never to use a selfie stick around him. Howard asked if he's sending that gay dude his underwear. Memet said he isn't telling anyone in the back his stories anymore. He said that they apparently hate him back there. Howard asked what's going on with the underwear. Memet said he just said he was complimented by that guy and he was going to send it to him for free. He said the guy is the only guy in the country who doesn't hate him. Howard asked if he's going to really send it. Memet said that if he does they'll never hear about it.
Howard asked if he's falling in love with the guy. Memet said he's the only friend he has in this world. Howard said he should go see him today. Memet said maybe he can offer him a job. He said that's what they want. Howard said he's insane. Memet said they hate him. He said Robin hates him too. Howard said he needs a psychiatrist. Robin asked what she says in the hall that would make him think she hates him. Memet said it's when he comes in there that makes him think that. He said he knows some of the things he says are out there.
Shuli said the sugar daddy doesn't want his voice on the air so they harmonized it and it sounds like shit. Howard said he has to hear it. Memet said he was going to go to a movie with everyone next week but he's not going. He said fuck all of them. He said none of them back there had better talk to him today. Memet said he thought it would be cool to have all of his friends go to see the King Kong movie. He said he was getting it all together but forget it. Howard said that girl in the movie is hot. Gary said that's Brie Larson. Howard said she was walking out of the studio and there was commotion in the hall. Howard said one of the guys said that Samuel L. Jackson was gong to be there but it was Brie that caught his attention. Howard said she was really hot. Howard said she looked like she was taken with his stardom. Then he saw her throwing up in the corner and she was actually checking out Memet and not him.
Howard told Memet to grow up. Memet said that this is a farewell to Memet. Howard asked who he hates in the office now. Memet said they're all hated equally. Howard asked about Jon Hein. Memet said he pisses him off too. He said he did something that annoyed him. He said Jon and Rahsaan talk about him on the air. He said Jon talked about how it's not hard to talk a woman into a threesome. Memet said no woman in the city would touch Jon's dick. He said that he failed the lie detector test about the 80 blow job thing.
Jon came in and said that Memet can go fuck himself. Jon said they talk about what happens on the Howard Stern Show. He said it's his job to bring the conversation on. He said he just said that it's not hard to find someone to do a threesome in New York City. He said not everyone hates him. He said when he acts douchey then everyone is going to be like ''fuck you!'' Memet said everyone there is so uptight. Howard said Benjy gets laid like crazy in New York city.
Memet said that he can't respond to Jon on the air so it all gets pent up. He said that he wants to talk about Rahsaan too. Jon said this is what the Howard Stern Show is about. He said you get on the air and it's cool. He said it all comes with the territory. Howard said Jon's tits were sweating from that. He said Richard and Sal want to defend him. Memet said he just wants to go away. He said he doesn't want to be defended.
Howard asked why he hates Rahsaan. Memet said he has to stop listening to the Wrap Up Show. He said he has one ear bud in while he's listening. Howard told him to get rid of that. Memet said that he doesn't want to go to war with Rahsaan. He said he has had enough. Howard asked if he's still angry about not going to the movie. Memet said they all win again. He said he's coming across like a douche.
Memet said that it's so unfair because the guys talk shit about him off the air. Then he comes in and defends himself and he's the one who looks like an asshole.
Steve said there's one guy in the back who really hates Memet. He said he disagrees with him though. Howard asked who Memet thinks hates him. Gary said they think Memet is funny. He said that they can be upset with his behavior and not hate him. He said that he acts like a douche but they don't hate him. Memet said he talks about his life back there and he thinks they're friends but they hate him. Howard said they don't hate him. Shuli said he gets fired up over the dating stuff. He said that he goes through the roof when that stuff comes up.
Howard said that there's a guy on the phone who wants to see Memet wrestle another dude. He took the call and the guy said he wants to see Steve and Memet wrestle. Steve said he'll do that. Memet wasn't interested.
Memet said he wants to go back to his desk. Howard had him look at him. He said no one hates him and it's all in his head. Howard told him not to patronize him. Memet said that they're breaking him down. Robin asked if he hears a voice in his head who does it sound like. Memet said it sounds like all of them. Robin said it sounds like him because he's the one saying it. Howard said he wants to give him his dirty underwear. Howard said no one hates him. Robin told him to repeat after Howard. Memet said he's a broken man.
Jason came in and said he likes Memet a lot. He said he's being disingenuous. He said Memet sat down and did an interview with him about the male, male threesome. He said he wants this stuff on the air. Howard said he's not in there now. He said that if he's acting then he's Meryl Streep.
Shuli said that the sugar daddy guy really said some nice things about Memet. He said that he had the harmonizer thing on and both of their voices were harmonized. Howard said Memet is the hottest guy in the office and they're all jealous. Howard said he doesn't think Steve really got that offer. Shuli said that he's upset that they're not going to see the King Kong movie. Howard asked if he was on the list. Shuli said he was.
Howard asked why they're remaking King Kong again. He said they've done it like 20 times. Robin said that the only movies they should remake are the ones they can improve technically. Robin said that might be one of them.
Howard said his mother was scared of the King Kong movie and her dad took her over and over to see it because he was into it. He said that he used to watch it just to freak his mom out.
Howard said he's not sure what happened to Memet. Gary said they all take shit on the air and Memet likes the good parts of being on the air but not that stuff. He said he doesn't want any of the negativity. He said he thinks that it should be all of them just saying that it's all great. Robin said they should have hi back in to tell him that it's all great.
Gary said the Kong movie is in 4D and the tickets are $30. He said that the seats move and stuff so it's 4D. Robin said Kong must fuck you at some point in the movie.
Shuli said that Memet has to stay offline. He said he can't keep going on. Howard took a call from King Kong who asked if they're coming to the movie or not. Howard said he's still trying to figure that out. Kong said that there's no way Memet fucked a girl up there on top of the Empire State Building. Howard said Memet may have gone into hiding like Richard Simmons. He said they can't find him. Gary said he really is missing. Howard told them to go find him and check on him. He doesn't like turmoil.
Howard said that meanwhile the guy is getting laid more than ever. Robin said if he's off the air the chicks will dry up and he'll be back. Howard said they have to put him on a milk carton. They suggested an Amber Alert too. Howard said he was woken up by one of those things the other day. He said that he thought JD was playing something but it was his phone.
Howard said he was just trying to keep Memet from taking money for sex. He said you don't recover from that. Shuli said that the guy he talked to said he thinks he could turn Memet. He said that he claimed he has friends that he couldn't turn but Memet is a guy he could turn. Howard said it's enough of this.
Robin said that what Memet is doing is awesome. Shuli as Tan Mom said he's wonderful. Steve said he likes Memet. He said he doesn't hate him. Robin said he must really want to go see Kong.
Howard said the movie is called Skull Island. He said it's not even Kong. Steve said Brie Larson is so hot. He said that she's so skinny. Howard said he saw her there and she was really hot. Howard said Richard isn't going to the movie because they don't serve beer. Howard asked if he really can't go for 2 hours without a drink. Robin said he could sneak it in.
Richard came in and said that he's going on Saturday to a theater that does serve food and booze. He said that he's going to see it that way instead. He said they have chaise lounges too. Howard said he'd rather go without the guys so he can drink. Richard said he's going Saturday and the rest of the guys are going next week.
Howard said Richard knocked over his beer during a movie once when he went with JD. Richard said it was during a quiet moment during the movie too. Richard said he had to piss in the sink there too. He said that the line was long so he had to do that.
Gary said there are rules for seeing the 4D movie. Howard asked if Gary is going. Gary said he's not. Howard said Richard was mixing White Russians in his seat at The Big Lebowski. JD said that they have that in the movie so Richard figured they had to make them at the movie. Howard said that's like an alcoholic's alcoholic.
Howard said he must be blasted by the end of the movie. Richard said it's fun. Howard said if he doesn't get a major disease it's not fair.
Howard read the rules about seeing Kong in 4D. They had age limits and told people not to bring liquids or anything. They said don't wear delicate clothing. He asked what's up with that. He said that there may be stuff floating around during the movie.
Howard said that the rules are kind of obvious. Richard said he wants to see a porno in 4D. He said he wants to see if you get jizzed in the face.
Gary read who is supposed to go to the movie. There were a bunch of guys. Gary said they still don't know where Memet is. He left his phone there.
Howard took a call from Marfan Mike who said that he's a fan of Memet's. He said he likes him. Howard said there you go. Marfan said he's a good guy. He said he wishes that he was getting laid like he was. Howard said of course he does. Howard asked if he's ever gotten laid. Mike said he has. He had a girl he was in a relationship with.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he thinks that Memet is a dimwit but he doesn't think he's creepy. He said he has a different thought process. Howard said that he can't say that. He said he's taken enough today.
Jason said that Ralph always cancels before going to a movie. He said that last time they were going to go he canceled 5 minutes before. He said he never gives you an answer when you ask him to go. Howard told him to act like Memet and disappear. Howard had to hang up on him. He told him to back off but he can't do it.
Howard asked what's up with Memet saying no one likes him. Shuli said he's known him for years since he was an intern. Richard said he did song parodies when he was an intern and they made sure they got through.
Howard asked Richard who he thinks would win the best body contest. Richard said he's doing pretty good himself. He stripped down to show Howard. Howard said he has to leave. He said he feels like he's in a mental asylum working there. He had to tell Richard to leave because he pulled his pants down. Howard said that was a good bit. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he's obsessed with Emily Ratajkowski. He said that she was in that video with Robin Thicke years ago and she was topless. Howard said he sees her at every event out there. He said she's in great outfits and tweeting pictures of herself. He wondered how she monetizes that. Howard said he follows Us Magazine and she's always in that. He said he's not sure how she's making money. Howard said Pam Anderson was the hottest chick on the planet. He said she wasn't able to monetize that. Howard said she was on Baywatch and stuff but it never worked into big dough. Howard said Emily's name is hard to remember Ratajkowski. He said that she should have changed her name. Robin said she has to marry a really rich guy. Howard said she's at everything. He said she sometimes covers up her titties and says that people just want to talk about them. Howard said then you see her pulling them out in the next picture. Robin said it's like a super power she has. Howard said she should marry Sumner Redstone.
Howard said that number 3 is Zayn and Taylor Swift. Howard listened to some of that and said he doesn't get the lyrics.
Howard said at number 2 is Migos featuring Lil Uzi Vert. Howard played some of their song. Howard said those guys scare him. Robin said that's racist. Howard said he didn't know they were black. He said it just scared him.
Howard played number 1 which was Ed Sheeran. Howard asked if they've heard the Harrison Ford version of this. Robin said no so Howard played it for her. They had fake Harrison mumbling through that song.
Robin started her news with a story about the next Dancing with the Stars and who will be on the next season. Robin said the Bachelor is going to be on it. Howard said that's what ABC does. Robin said his job now is just going out to be famous.
Robin said that Emma Watson is in the news every day now. Robin said she is in the new Beauty and the Beast. Howard said she grew up hot. He said some of the young cute girls grow up as fidgets. He said they grow up as tiny women but Emma is kind of hot. Robin said she talked about using some kind of oil to make her pubic hair soft. Howard asked how much bush she has. Howard said she must have a lot if she has to use oil on it. Howard said she should put it into a bun. Robin said she takes a bath every day. Howard said his wife does that too. He said he thinks that's hot.
Robin read a story about a medicine for premature ejaculators. Robin said that they say men can last 5 times longer with this spray on drug. Howard said if you have a big Emma Watson bush he might hold out.
Howard said Sal told him he has a spray called ''Slow Cum.'' Sal said he bought it in a porn shop and he wasn't able to feel his cock. He said that's when he tore his frendulum because he wasn't able to feel anything. Howard said everything has happened to Sal's dick. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break they played a Yucko the Clown interview clip from Long Beach Comic-Con. They also played Bryan Adams ''Summer of 69'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he went to the bathroom. He had to do another live read. He did that and then said he's dreaming about his egg sandwich that he'll be eating soon. Fred played some audio of Robin saying some strange names.
Robin got back into her news and read about how OJ Simpson may be up for parole this year. Robin said he's in jail for attempted robbery and kidnapping. Robin said he's eligible for parole this year. Robin said they say that a few years ago he came up for parole and he was given it for some counts but not all. Robin said he could get out this year. Howard said it seems like he's been in jail for a long time for what he did. Robin said that if you watch the documentary about OJ they sort of point that out. Robin said it was a female judge and she delayed the sentencing to fall on the anniversary of his acquittal. Robin said that no one is saying that for sure. Howard said what pissed people off was when he wrote the book called ''If I Did It.'' Howard said Ron Goldman's dad was freaking out about it. Robin said that family got control of the book and they have a big ''I Did It'' and you can't even see the ''If'' on there. Robin said that OJ will be 70 years old if he gets out this year. Howard said he hopes he doesn't get out. He digs that he's in jail. Robin said you want the justice system to work though. Howard said it is working. Howard played a Mel Gibson ''Holocaust of Hits'' album commercial parody.
Robin read a story about how overweight Americans are less likely to want to lose weight these days. Howard said they never did get JD's story today. He said they'll have to do that next week. Robin read more about the obesity issue. Fred played some High Pitch Erik clips while she was reading about that.
Robin read a story about the Statue of Liberty's lights going out last night. Robin said that they were saying they may have been put out a day before the national protest, a Day without a Woman, that's happening today. Robin said it wasn't intentional according to reports. Robin read more about the salary inequality that led to today's protest. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how businesses could be hurting themselves by not revealing what they pay their employees.
Robin read about how Wikileaks put out over 9,000 documents yesterday. Robin said they revealed that the CIA has software that can turn TVs into spy devices. Howard said that's why he turns his iPad around in the bathroom. He said he doesn't really jerk off in front of the TV. Robin said some of the computer programs target iPhones and Android operating systems. Howard said he needs to start jerking off in a cave. He put some echo on his voice to make it sound like he was in there. Howard said James Comey said that there is no such thing as absolute privacy in America. Robin read about how they can take control over your car too and it's one way they could do an assassination without being detected.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he met a girl on Tinder and she blew him. He said she licked his ass too. He said he didn't know how to stop her from doing that. Howard said no girl ever wanted to lick his ass. Howard said he would feel bad for her. He said he knows it can't be pleasant back there. He said our ass smells terrible. Howard said it can't be a treat for the girl. Howard asked if the girl said it tasted good. The caller's phone cut off. Howard asked if he's still there. The caller, Al, said he is. He said that he was just taken aback by it. He said that he didn't kiss her back after. He said as soon as he got there it was weird. He said she was saying that she wanted him to use hand sanitizer when he got there but then she was eating his ass 15 minutes later.
Howard said he doesn't know man. He said he's pretty fastidious with his habits. He said his ass couldn't have been clean. Al said he drives a truck and his ass wasn't clean at all. He said he didn't have time to shower. He said there was 11 hours in between his shower and driving the truck. Howard said he goes to sleep at night and he runs his finger over his ass crack and taint and smells it. He said it's not good. He said it's nasty. Howard said this guy is in a truck for 11 hours and that woman goes down there. Howard said it's crazy. Howard said no girl was ever that into him. Howard said you'd think that someone would have done that with the degree of fame he has. He said someone should have licked his ass. Howard said she would have gotten a purple heart for that.
Howard said there was a woman who tried to stick her finger in his asshole. He said he would fight her with his clenched asshole. He said in a weird way he didn't want it. Howard said it was a natural reaction. Howard said if she put her tongue up there he would have freaked out. Al said that she was sucking his balls really intensely. Howard said he's never even had that. Howard said his balls are ugly too. He said he'd feel bad for a girl doing that. Al said he just went with it. Howard said he's just into fucking.
Robin asked if Howard has ever had anyone do something to him that he didn't want. Howard said no. He said they're all pretty straight with him. He said that he'll touch some titties and rub the vagine for a few seconds. He said he has gone down on women but he wishes he hadn't. He said he could get that throat cancer. Robin said he doesn't have that. Howard said he just wants to rub that thing and stick it in. He said you just hope they're wet.
Howard said he was with some real players and he's not sure why he never had any of these experiences. Howard said that this guy must not have been the only guy to get this. Howard said she might be eating tons of ass. Al said she swallowed his load too. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go after that. He said he has to finish up the show.
Howard asked if Robin has had any of that. Robin said she may have had that. Howard said Gary loves eating ass. Gary said he did it once and he's scarred for life. Howard said he didn't just do it once. Gary said his whole life doesn't revolve around it. Robin asked why he did it. Gary asked why Robin did it. Howard asked if it was good for Gary. Gary said everyone wanted it. Howard thanked him for that and said that's enough from him. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that women from Muslim countries have to compete in sports completely covered. Howard said that ads a challenge to it. Robin said that it can't be competitive if they have to do that. Robin said Nike has a lightweight Hijab. Howard said he bought one for Fred. Robin said that the women can put it on and see if it helps. Robin said it's coming out in the spring of 2018.
Robin said that Stephen Colbert is beating Jimmy Fallon. Howard said he's beat him for like 5 weeks now. Howard said they say that Jimmy is freaking out over that. He said that he knows what's going on because he finds himself watching Colbert and Kimmel. He said that Colbert has found his groove and it's very compelling. He said it's where his comfort zone is. He said that's what he does best. He said it's really lit him up. He said he knows it's working because his wife wants to watch it. He said she'll ask to watch it. Howard said something is happening for Colbert. Howard said they say that Fallon is still number one with men. Howard said he knows he's super competitive and he had to be number 1. He said he couldn't stand it if he was number 2. Robin said they'll have to see if they have late night wars now that this is happening. Howard said Letterman did an interview in New York Magazine. Robin said that he said he would have talked so much about Trump that they'd run out of tape. Howard said Fallon does Trump Free Tuesday. He said everyone just wants to talk about Trump. He said it's unbelievable. Howard said if he were Fallon he'd get in a crane with a wrecking ball and smash a replica of Trump Tower.
Robin read a story about Sean Spicer and how he's side stepping questions about Trump's wire tapping claims. Robin had some audio of Spicer saying they are looking into it and they won't be commenting more.
Howard took a call from fake Richard Simmons (Sour Shoes) and asked where he's hiding. Richard said he's doing fine. He did some of Richard's famous phrases from the show. Howard hung up on him after a few comments.
Robin read a story about General Michael Hayden talking about what the steps would be to get a wire tap on someone. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He said the doctor, Ben Carson, takes the cake. He said this guy said that the slaves were immigrants. Howard said that's remarkable any man would come out and say they were immigrants who worked for low wages and had an American dream. Howard said they were dragged there. He said this is crazy talk. Robin said you don't have to be a rocket scientist to be a brain surgeon. Howard said you're a human being living in Africa and some guy comes along and captures you and puts you on a boat to nowhere. He said if you survive you get auctioned off and you're told you're not a human being. He said they put you in a field and make you work and if you don't then they kill you. Howard said Ben Carson gets up and says that they were immigrants who had an American dream. Howard said when the slaves were freed then they told them to live themselves up by the boot straps. Howard said to come out and say that everyone must be offended. Robin said there was no reason to say that.
Robin read about the bomb threats and things that have been going on with Jewish temples around the country. Robin had some audio of Sean Spicer talking about that too. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Nordstrom dropping the Ivanka Trump brand saying that it wasn't selling well. Robin said now they say that the brand has racked up record sales after they stopped carrying it. Robin said sales are booming now. Howard said a Trump supporter asked him where he could get it because he saw that it had been banned. Howard said this guy wanted it because it was out of Nordstrom.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Howard should check out Seth Meyers. Howard said he has been watching him too. He said he's very political. Howard said he even started watching The Daily Show. He said that Trevor Noah is good. He said that he's Trevor Noah-watcha but he likes the guy.
Robin read a story about how Alec Baldwin is talking about how Trump looks very different now that he's president. He said he looks incredibly constipated.
Robin read a story about the new health care plan that the republicans have come out with. Robin said it's been given a failing grade by people who have studied it. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on it.
Robin read a story about Chance the Rapper donating a million dollars to the public schools in Chicago. Robin said that he tried to get the government to do it but he got the run around so he put up his own money. Howard asked if he has that kind of money. Robin said Michelle Obama is thanking him for that.
Robin read a story about a guy who killed his mother. Robin asked if a guy who does that should get her money. Howard said no way. Robin said this guy was a schizophrenic and he stabbed his mother. Robin said he's 46 years old and he was found not guilty by reason of insanity. Robin said his father tried to block him from benefiting from her death. Howard said he would have killed his parents years ago if he had known he could inherit their fortune.
Robin read a story about a scandal involving Marine Corp women. Robin said she's not sure how they got the pictures. Robin said somehow they were posting them on a Facebook page. Robin said that the women feel violated. Robin said they are saying that the men involved should never be allowed to serve again. Some of the women are saying that they won't go back.
Robin read a story about Scarlett Johansson filing for divorce from her husband. Robin said she's been seen with an empty ring finger. Robin said they were seen out in January together so it may be an amicable break up.
Robin read a story about Mark Zuckerberg being Harvard's commencement speaker this year. Robin said that he dropped out of the school himself. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.