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Howard started the show talking about the opening theme they had playing with a fake JD singing ''The Great American Nightmare.'' Howard said that boy can sing.
Howard said last week he was talking about Dr. Ben Carson and the comments he had about slaves in his speech. Howard said they thought it was a good opportunity to call a religious show with his views. Howard played the prank call where Sal called this religious show with some clips of fake Ben Carson talking about religion. The hosts of the show went along with the wacky stuff they had him saying and kept giving him an ''Amen'' after the comments. They asked why he was talking about some of that stuff. They eventually hung up on him.
Howard said that call was a lot longer but they had to cut it down. Howard said they did buy into some of the things Ben was saying.
Howard said he was home yesterday reading the NY Post. He said he gets that daily. Howard said he gets that and the NY Times. Howard said he was reading this stuff and he saw a guy wrote a book about Letterman. He said it was a brutal piece. He said it was really weird. He said it paints Letterman as a real prick and how no one liked him. Howard said he was reading it and he as thinking as a gossipy kind of thing it's okay but he thought about the book and how it's such a hatchet job. Howard said he's been the victim of this kind of thing with books. Howard said the author will write to the subject and tell them he's writing it and asks for cooperation. The person doesn't cooperate. Howard said then you get a second letter asking friends to talk to them. He said any good friend of David Letterman's isn't going to cooperate. Howard said that you end up with a bunch of stories from people who weren't close to you. He said he has had people come up to him saying they know him and they didn't know him. He said they've convinced themselves that you do know them. Howard said there are good friends who he hasn't seen in 3 years. He said he's not good at keeping in touch with people.
Howard said he found himself getting angrier and angrier reading this thing about Letterman. He said that they allude to having sources for the stuff. He said it's just weird. He said it was part of a chapter he was reading. He said he knows how this operates because he's had the same kind of thing happen to him. Howard said the things they write are just awful.
Robin said you have to get an author that you know write it. Howard said if someone were writing a book about him they might get Scott the Engineer. Howard said he'd say he doesn't want to be quoted in the book. Howard said then the author writes something about the one man working for him for over 25 years. Howard said he stuck up for Scott at K-Rock but that stuff wouldn't make it into the book. Howard said then they get people who don't work with you anymore and they're bitter from not being in your life anymore. Howard said if he were Letterman he wouldn't want his kids reading this book. He said he doesn't know Letterman all that well but he has had some conversations with him. He said he seemed nice enough. Robin said the guy has his quirks but he's nice enough.
Howard said Sal would give stories about not letting him come to his apartment to hang out and watch Survivor. He said that's the kind of stories you get from him.
Howard said these books are so fucked up. He said he has to read the article. Robin said if he wants to Help Letterman he can't read it. Robin said if his son is listening then it's going to be embarrassing. Howard said his son isn't listening to this.
Howard read some of the article and said now he knows what it was like for the slaves coming to this country after reading the book ''The People's History of the United States.'' Howard said now they're trying to ban the books from some schools in Arkansas. Howard read about that and said that it's good to open your mind about this stuff. He said it's so fucked up. Robin said she's not sure why it all can't be in the same book. Howard said that would be convenient.
Howard said he was reading about Trump firing this guy Preet Bharara who was a watch dog. Howard said Trump had asked him to stay on but then he fired him all of a sudden. Howard said it makes him look suspicious. Howard said the fucking world and history is so fucked up. He said it makes it look like people are plotting and planning. He said that the guy was known as the Sheriff of Wall street. He said we need a guy like that.
Howard said his head was exploding from all of that so he watched the movie ''Edge of 17'' with his wife. Howard said he loved it. Robin said she has seen it on her list but she never watched it. Howard said the girl in it, Hailee Steinfeld, was really good in it. Howard said he thought kids would have liked the movie. He said he didn't know it had come out. Howard said it had a John Hughes kind of vibe to it. He said he liked it. Howard said the box office wasn't all that good for it though. He said Beth said that she loved that he likes movies like that. Howard said he does like them but he thought that maybe other guys may not like them.
Howard said his daughter was in from California yesterday. He said she was with her husband. Howard said that was nice.
Howard said he's going to play a game with Craig if he likes. Craig was up for it. Howard said it's called Beetle and His Mama Game. Howard played a Beetlejuice song and then an intro for the game. Howard said they went out and talked to Beet and his mom to see if they could match answers. Howard said that the caller is playing for a sound system worth $999.99.
Howard said they asked Beet's mom some questions and then the same questions for Beet. Howard said they asked what Beet's dog's name was. It was Precious and it was a German Sheppard. Howard said they asked Beet if he had a dog and what it's name was. Howard said if this was the real question then what would Craig say. Craig said he won't forget the dog's name. He said he has to know Precious. Howard said you must be able to retain something even with a head the shape of a needle. Robin said he has to know. Howard played his answer and Beet said that he never had a dog.
Howard said they are going to have 5 questions now. He said that Craig has to get 3 out of 5 right. Howard said that he's playing for that thing that's worth ''Noine, noine, noine point noine, noine.''
Howard said they asked Beetlejuice's mom what Beet's father's name was. It was Lester Pinard. Craig said he will know. Howard said maybe he'll do better with his father. Howard said maybe he'll say his dad's name is Precious. Howard played Beet's answer and Beet said ''My Dad's name? Lester.''
Howard said the next question they asked Beet's mom was ''What's Beetlejuice's middle name?'' She said he doesn't have one. Howard asked if Beetlejuice knows he doesn't have a middle name. Craig said that he does know he doesn't have a middle name. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''My middle name? Lester.'' Howard said that's a wrong answer. He said that's his first name. Robin said maybe he thinks he's Beetlejuice Lester.
Howard said they asked Beet's mom ''how many siblings does Beetlejuice have?'' She said he has 3 siblings. He has one brother. Howard said this was a shock to him. He has 3 sisters and one brother. Howard said he thought he just had one sister. Howard asked if Beetle will know he has those siblings. Craig said no way. Howard played Beet's answer and he said he has 2 brothers and 3 sisters. Howard said he was close.
Howard said the next question is ''What is Beet's grandpa's name?'' She said it was Alonzo. Howard asked Craig if Beet will know that answer. Craig said he's going to say he will know it. Howard played the clip and Beet said ''Alonzo.'' Craig won the prize.
Howard said he did very well. He got the 3 answers right. Howard said he didn't even need all 5. Howard said enjoy that SV Sound speaker system. Craig told Howard to keep up the good work. Howard said they'll try to show up for work even though he thinks they don't need to.
Howard played them out of the game and said Beet has recorded many songs. He said he has a new one. He said it's a rap song. Howard said he's the only one competing with Ed Sheeran now. Howard said he's collaborated with Leslie West and others. He played some of his hit songs and said he has a brand new rap song. Howard said this is called ''Still Beet.'' Howard played it for Robin and she said it was amazing. Howard said it's climbing the charts as they speak.
Howard wondered how Robin would do with the Beet and his mom game. Robin didn't think she'd do very well. Howard said he's going to play a few with Robin. Howard said this will keep her sharp. Howard said they asked Beet's mom what number child he was. Howard played the clip and she said he was number 5. Howard said they save the best for last. Howard asked if Beet knows that. Robin said she is going to say yes. Howard said it seems like something he'd know. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''I was born first.''
Howard said Robin is right, she's not good at this game. Howard played one more for Robin. Howard said you'd think they would have stopped with Beet's sister since she had the same affliction as Beet. He said she was very sweet though. Howard said so is Beetle. Howard said he's just a handful. Howard said maybe she'll have more kids.
Howard played the next question which was ''What's Beetle's shoe size?'' His mom said 2 1/2. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said she didn't even know that. Howard asked if Beet will know that. Robin said definitely no. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''Two and a half.''
Howard said Robin was right. She's not doing well. Robin said she doesn't know Beetle. Howard said he knew it. Robin said you'd never dream that he'd go into a shoe store and know what to order. Howard said it's weird because you can go into a shoe store and get measured.
Sal told Howard that he would go to a sneaker shop all the time when they were on the road. He said that they'd' have to go to the kid's section. He said he was familiar with the size because he'd try on sneakers a lot. Howard asked if the salesman's head would explode. Sal said the smaller sneakers can be more expensive than the big ones. He said Beet would pay for them with cash. Sal said he wasn't able to count it though. Howard said you could take the shoes off a Cabbage Patch doll and use those.
Shuli showed up and said that the salesman used to sell Beet socks and sock spray. He said he's never even seen that stuff. He said Beet would show up with fish in a bag because people would just give him shit. He said the salesman even sold him a sneaker washing thing. He said that he had to follow him to make sure he didn't get scammed.
Howard asked if he can tie his own shoes. Shuli said he's not sure. Sal said he did buy Velcro a lot. Gary asked if it's true that Beet disappeared for an hour and came back tattooed. Shuli said he did. He said he once tried to walk home from Texas to Jersey City. Howard asked what tattoo artist would just tattoo him. Shuli said it's like torture. Howard said it could have been something crazy like a racist comment or something.
Sal said they went to a strip club once with Beet and at the end of the night these two girls were behind the manager looking for $3,000. Howard said they were trying to shake him down. Sal said that they said Beet told them he had the money.
Shuli said this is why so many people fuck with him. He said he gets angry with people and bans them. Shuli said now he's pouty Jeff and he'll get a bunch of messages from him and by the end of the day he'll be back on the show. He said he's like a child. Howard said he wanted to hear what he has to say but he hung up. Howard said it's not even good to hear.
Shuli said that Jeff tried to tell a story last week about a woman listening to him on Periscope and getting pulled over. He said that wasn't a good story. He said the only great Jeff story was when the WWE wanted to hire him and he shaved his head for it and it turned out they had no idea who he was. He said someone goofed on him. Howard said every other Jeff story disappoints. Howard said Jeff wouldn't have let them know about that story. Shuli said he let him know about it. He said he was bragging about it and then he shows up and they have no idea who he is and he's shaved his head for the tickets. Howard said it's always a nightmare for him.
Howard said that they had Jeff lined up to have sex with a porn star and she ended up crying after the whole thing. Gary said that crying was right after the sex. Howard said he thinks she became a nun after that. Howard had a clip of the woman crying after having sex with Jeff. Howard said it was so horrible and Jeff didn't even care.
Shuli said that Jeff used to have an iPhone that he used for playing music on his Periscope show. He said he'd call and cut the music off and Jeff would get upset.
Howard had Jeff back on the line and Jeff said he's not unappreciative. He called Howard a mother fucker and Shuli a fuck face. Howard said when he had sex with the porn star he didn't have penetration. Jeff said he did. Shuli said it was with Tabitha that he wasn't able to get it up with. Jeff said he did get it up for her. Gary said that the guys are saying no way. Jeff told him to just fucking listen to him. He said she put the condom on and she didn't lube her ass up. Howard asked why he didn't do it vaginally. Jeff said she didn't give him that option. Howard asked if it was sabotage on her part. Jeff said it was.
Robin said she doesn't think that Jeff was able to get it up for this girl who cried. Shuli said just being with Jeff makes you cry like that. Howard played her crying again. Howard said that's good times. Jeff said that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Shuli said it was on a radio and a TV show. Gary said she had big attitude and Jeff broke her that night. Howard said he'd break anyone. He said that she was just so turned off.
Howard had some audio of Shuli calling into Jeff's show to break the music in his Karaoke segment. Howard said he has to hear this. Howard played the clip and Jeff would be singing along to the music and then his phone would ring and Jeff would pick up and ask what his major malfunction is. He knew it was Shuli calling. Howard said then he calls him back when he's doing Karaoke again. Jeff yells at him and says fuck you to him. He told him not to call him again on that phone fuck face.
Howard played another clip of Jeff after he changed his number and Shuli called him during his Karaoke segments. He did it multiple times. Howard was cracking up hearing those clips.
Howard asked if Jeff thinks he really sings good. He said it's horrible. Jeff said he sings good. Howard said he has The Lump on the phone. Howard asked if anyone wants to talk to him. Fred said yes. Howard said this is the lump that lives on his neck. Howard got him on and The Lump said that his dick is as useless as his arm. Jeff wasn't getting angry with The Lump. The Lump said that he was able to get hard with Tabitha. Howard asked what ever happened to Tabitha Stevens. Shuli said she lives in Vegas with her husband. Jeff said her husband wanted to record him while he fucked his wife. Shuli said that he's saying that the guy lost his mind.
Howard asked The Lump if he was there when the porn star thing happened. The Lump said he was just a baby lump or a cyst. He said that he shot pus on the girl since Jeff wasn't able to finish.
Jeff asked if he wants the truth why that bitch was crying. Jeff said he came inside of her. Shuli said he's ready to cry now. The Lump said he hopes she's a nun now. Howard said she was crying because she was afraid she was going to have his baby. Howard said Jeff's load is like cement. He said that it hardens like cement in there. Jeff said he has a drippy load thank you.
Howard asked if there is a man other than Jeff that she wouldn't want to have sex with. Robin said Lenny Dykstra. Howard asked if Robin would rather have Jeff, Lenny or Hitler. Robin said she would fuck Hitler. Howard said he was short but he had that moustache. Shuli said Hitler is a saint out of that group. Howard said how about Jeff, Lenny or Jerry Sandusky. Robin said ''Jeez... lets see.'' Howard asked about Jeff or Bill Cosby. Robin said Bill will knock her out so she'd go with him. Howard asked about Jeff or Osama Bin Laden. Robin said it would have to be Jeff. Howard said Osama has that ZZ Top look. Robin said he's just such a hateful and horrible person. Howard asked about Jeff or a sea snake. Robin didn't know. Howard asked about Jeff or High Pitch Erik. Robin wasn't sure who to pick. Howard asked about Jeff or a Grizzly bear. Robin picked the bear. The Lump said how about Jeff or throw herself off the Empire State Building. Robin said she'd throw herself off the building.
Howard asked about having sex with Jeff or Tan Mom's gross used dildo. Robin picked the dildo. Robin said you can clean that. Jeff asked what they're talking about. He said he showers every day. Shuli said that he has seen the dirt on his one arm. Jeff's phone kept cutting out when he'd yell something.
Jeff said he's going on 'Scope right now. He said he's going to show his moustache. Shuli said they'll take a break and go look at it.
Howard asked Robin if she would rather have Jeff or her dad in bed. Robin picked Jeff again. Howard said he beat Osama bin Laden too. Howard said he thought Osama was going to win that one. Jeff told them to look at his elbow. Shuli asked if he still has a pill jar filled with his saliva next to him. Jeff said it's about half full. Howard thanked Jeff for the call. Howard said he can barely hear Jeff. Jeff asked if he's done with him now. Howard said he just had a 30 minute call. Jeff said he wanted to show him his moustache. Howard said he has Hitler on the phone. He picked up and one of the guys in the back was doing a Hitler impression for a few seconds. Howard said he didn't know Hitler was a listener.
Howard asked Robin, Jeff or King Kong? Robin picked King Kong. Jeff said he has people on Scope calling him a lump dick. Howard and Shuli did impressions of Jeff saying that. Jeff said Jackie the Joke Man says hi. He said he's online right now. Howard let Jeff go a short time later. Howard said he has to take a break. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing a Beetlejuice impression. Howard let him do that for a few seconds and said that's pretty good. Sour was doing an impression of Joey Boots and Beetlejuice. He had Joey saying he was in Heaven with Beet. Howard talked to Sour for a minute as Joey and Beet. Sour slipped in a little bit of his Gary impression too. Howard said he's so good. Howard said that he's like Rich Little if Rich lived in his parent's basement. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said he heard that Mel B's father died. Howard said he was going to write to her and he wrote her a nice email about that. Howard said that he's not sure if she was close to her father or not. Robin said they did have to shut down production for America's Got Talent so she could go to the funeral. Howard said he got the email kicked back and she must have changed it or something. Howard said if you know her just let her know he offers her his condolences. Howard said he doesn't know how to get in touch with her. Robin said he could send it to America's Got Talent. Howard said he's just saying it on the air.
Howard said Nick quit and now they're saying that Tyra Banks is his replacement. Howard said that seems like an interesting person to select. Robin said she saw that and she knew it was going to be someone off color. Robin said it would be hard for a guy to take the job because they'd be saying that a black guy would be an Uncle Tom.
Howard wondered what it would be like if she started wearing a turban. Howard said someone there got a hard on for Nick and he saw his special and it wasn't anything bad. He said that he got his nuts in a twist over that. Howard said that he ended up quitting even though things were cooling down at NBC. Howard said that he quit anyway. Howard said that was a good gig for him. He said that he thinks Nick will regret it. Robin said he will not. She said he will go on with his life and he's talented and this is just one of the things that happened along the way. Robin said Howard thinks this is the only easy gig out there.
Howard said he thinks long term. He said that show is put on during the summer when nothing else is on. Howard said that NBC has that show on and it does well every year. He said that it's the number 1 summer show. He said it's like being number 1 in radio when no one else is on the radio. Robin said that Nick has other gigs.
Howard said all of the other gigs combined don't pay what they paid Nick on America's Got Talent. Howard said he was the six million dollar man. Robin said he thought they were trying to take away his dignity so he's out.
Howard said Tyra will probably do fine as the host of the show. Robin said she's already saying the right things and she's excited about being the host of the show. Howard said she's Nick with big titties.
Howard asked if Tyra is married. Robin said she's not but she had a baby. Howard asked with who. Robin didn't know.
Howard said Radio Shack, Nick's other gig, just filed for chapter 11 again. Howard said Nick will be fine though.
Howard said he doesn't keep in touch with anyone after he left America's Got Talent. Howard said they weren't that close. He said he saw Heidi Klum after America's Got Talent just once.
Robin said that Ed Sheeran was on The Bastard Executioner. Robin said he played a monk. Robin said that she wasn't sure if it was him or not. Howard said most actors want to be rock stars and rock stars want to be actors. Howard said Eddie Vedder was in some movies. Howard said he's the last guy he'd think would do that. Howard said Bruce Springsteen was one guy who resisted it. Howard said he was awful in his videos. He said he knew to stay out of the movies. Howard said Mick Jagger and David Bowie were the guys who wanted to be in movies. Robin said Cher pulled it off but that's rare. Howard said Fred did some movies but he's still waiting to see them. Howard said Ed Sheeran is going to be in Game of Thrones. Howard said he'll be fully nude. Robin said no one is asking for that.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who said that A-Rod is banging J-Lo now. Howard said he thought it was kind of gross. Howard said he thinks that she doesn't like him and he doesn't like her. He said it's just not a hot relationship. Howard said A-Rod has had some hot chicks. He said he had Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson and others. Jim said he thought he dated Demi Moore too. Howard said he's not sure with J-Lo. He said she's so full of herself. Robin said so is A-Rod. Howard said maybe that's why it's so gross.
Robin said that her driver was sitting outside one day and he was talking about how gorgeous A-Rod was. Howard said this was a straight guy. Robin said it was. Robin said he was talking about A-Rod like he was the best looking woman. Howard said he gives them a month. Robin said she'll go a month and a week. Howard said it must feed both of their egos. Robin said it makes J-Lo look like a catch. Howard said Ben Affleck was with J-Lo too. Howard said when he was with her his career was a joke and then he got out and got back on top again.
Howard said he thinks that A-Rod will dump J-Lo. Robin said she's usually the dumper. He said she'll get out first. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Jim said that A-Rod is the one who does the dumping. Howard said J-Lo does have the best dumper.
Howard and the guys talked about some of the other women A-Rod dated and how he must have banged a lot of women they don't even know about. Fred said he read some things about A-Rod and how he was just 17 when he was getting attention. Howard said when you're 17 you have to be doing something really special to get attention like that.
Robin said that Derek Jeter never went for the big names. Fred said he did but he didn't make a big deal out of it. Howard said that he used to give gift bags to the women as parting gifts. Fred read some of the names of women Jeter had dated. He had Scarlett Johansson. Howard said he'd date her. Howard read some of the names too.
Jim said that Jeter has a better list than A-Rod. Howard asked if they had any cross over. They weren't sure about that.
Howard said one night they were done in Washington DC and they went to a club. He said he and Fred were there for a farewell party. He said that he had no money to move. He said he and Fred were at the club and these two girls asked if they could give them a ride home. Howard said this girl got into the car and she was into him. He said the other one was into Fred and she was hot too. Howard said this girl was so hot and even A-Rod would have wanted her. Howard said she had a snake piece of jewelry on her arm and big tits. Howard said he was married though but he was tempted. Howard said that he must have been 26 at the time. Howard said they drove to their buddy Steve's house to stay there. He said they had no money. Howard said they went to this club and just danced with people. He said they had no act.
Howard said they get into the driveway of and this girl wanted to come in and have a drink in Steve's basement. Howard said he looked at Fred and said ''No.'' Howard said he wouldn't cheat. He said it was just bad timing. He said she was so hot his head was spinning.
Jim asked about a woman that Fred spent a night in a car with. He said he doesn't think he had sex with her. Fred said he did make out with her. Howard said Fred was never with a girl. He said he assumed he was a gay guy. He said he figured he was just living his life. He said he thought he was A-sexual. Howard said then he finds out about this girl he spent the night in the car with. Howard said this girl was hot. Howard said she came to him and said she was ready to fuck Fred but Fred didn't do her. Fred said he had morals back then. He said he was stupid. Howard said he's kicking himself now. Fred said he is. Howard asked if he had a boner at the time. Fred said he had bucket seats in the car and it was hard to do things in there.
Fred said he thought the girl was straight laced. He said he didn't know she wanted to get laid. He said he thought she was straight and proper. Jim said she was in the car with him late at night. Fred said he felt guilty. Howard said he feels bad for the girl when he's fucking someone.
Howard said Sandra Bullock attended that party in Washington DC. Howard said she went to that party because she was a fan. Robin said she told them that when she was on the show.
Jim said Fred ended up with a very pretty wife. He said he's seen her in person and she's very hot. Howard said that he really thought Fred was gay. Fred said that he never had anything gay happen to him except at his bachelor party. Howard said once he became heterosexual he went full on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Eddie Vedder wasn't trying to do movies. Howard said he did. He was in ''Singles.'' Howard said he had ambitions to do more. He said that it would have been cooler if he hadn't been in a movie. The caller said he just wants Howard to say the right things. Howard said he was in a movie. He said he was in that movie. Howard told him to go believe the earth is flat. The caller said he just wants Howard to be good. Howard said he pulled it out of his ass that he was in that movie. Fred said he was also in Roadies and some other movies. Fred read the list of things that Eddie has done. Howard said he wishes he could yell at that caller. He said the guy said he just wants him to be good. Howard said he gave him some information and the guy has no idea what he's talking about.
Howard said that he's sick of people. He said he has to take a break. Robin was reading some of the other things Eddie had done but Gary said she was reading what movies their music was in. Howard said he was just saying it would have been cooler if he hadn't done that movie. Howard said Eddie should just be about the music. Howard said once he saw that movie he knew he just wanted to be in show business.
Howard said he has to take another break. He had fake Obama back on the phone though. He said he's just having so much fun now. Fake Obama said he's on Leonardo DiCaprio's pussy boat. He said he also calls that the Squirt is not Pee boat. He gargled something before Howard let him go. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Robin knows right where to come in on that song. Fred was playing some clips of Robin along with that song.
Howard said yesterday he didn't make a doody the whole day. He said he likes that. Robin said he makes doody every day? Howard said no but he thinks he's cut back on his food consumption when he doesn't go. Howard said he's been running and exercising again. He said he has given up the idea of being ripped and hot but he would like to get rid of this belly fat lump. He said it's fat and he has to get down to about 90 pounds to get rid of it. He said he used to feel like he was going to pass out when he'd work out to get rid of it. Robin said J.B. Smoove said that you don't have to be naked hot. You have to be underwear hot. Robin said you have to look good in your underwear. Howard said he doesn't even look good in his underwear.
Howard said he has a set up at home that shows him at all angles. He said he thinks the lighting is bad. He said he brought in a guy who does lighting on movie sets to make him look better. He said the light is too harsh.
Robin asked Howard who gave him this myth about what he should look like. Howard said it's not a myth. Howard said he sees the male models in the John Varvatos catalog and that's what he's supposed to look like. Howard said if he had looked like that there would have been no stopping him. He said he just wants to walk the runway. Robin said he could do that. Howard said if John Varvatos put out a newsletter of people who look like monsters wearing John Varvatos that's what he could be in. Howard said it's crazy how he can dress in nice clothes and still look like himself.
Robin said this carrying on about the way to look is ridiculous. Howard said that there is no convincing him. He said he has a look with the curly hair and sunglasses. He said he does the best he can. Howard said he sees the pictures from his daughter's wedding and he looks really bad. Howard said Robin was there. Robin said he looked great. Howard said he doesn't look great in the pictures. Howard said even John Varvatos knows he doesn't look good. Howard said he wore his stuff on America's Got Talent and the guy made him pay full price. Howard said most designers want celebrities to wear their clothes and give them away for free. Howard said not with him. Howard said Howie Mandel got some Varvatos clothes but he was told no for the free stuff too. Howard said he had one designer pay him not to wear his clothes. Robin said he's lying about that.
Howard said there's a story about a woman who married the Eiffel Tower. Howard said this chick is pretty hot. Howard said she's not a bad looking woman. Howard said she is odd though. He said she's in love with inanimate objects. Howard said she was dating the Berlin Wall for a while. Howard said he has some clips from that documentary.
JD came in and told Howard that she's an Objectivesexual. He said that she was dating the Berlin Wall because they wanted her to stay away from the Eiffel tower. Howard said he has a clip of her straddling the Eiffel tower one day. Howard played that clip and she was talking about the heat of her body going into that. Howard said if JD hadn't met him he'd be doing the same thing.
Howard played another clip of this woman Erica Eiffel talking about her love for the Berlin Wall. She moved from the United States to be closer to the Berlin Wall. She said that she felt that the wall needed love. Howard asked how she makes a living. Howard said he couldn't afford to live in Berlin. JD said she was an Olympic fencer. Robin said she was an Archer, not a fencer. Robin said she thought the wall was torn down. Howard told her to hold on. She's thinking ahead too far.
Howard played another clip of Erica Eiffel talking about how she doesn't get into detail about making love to objects. Howard said he's sure that Ronnie could figure out how that works. Fred did his impression of Ronnie for a few seconds.
JD said this woman makes smaller versions of the objects and sleeps with them. JD said he's seen a bunch of these movies and they are the only ones willing to go on camera.
Howard said Erica got permission to be in a watch tower for the wall. Howard played a clip from this special where she talked about sleeping in the watch tower and how she was going to be cold in there. She said it was very special because it's a once in a lifetime experience. She said that it's something that's condoned too so that's very unusual.
Howard took a call from the Holland Tunnel who said he's getting a vibe from this woman. He said he's hung and he has all the stuff she wants. Howard said he heard that the Statue of Liberty has a tight pussy. The tunnel said he's heard the same thing.
Robin said that this Erica woman thinks the Eiffel Tower is a woman but the wall is a man. Howard had the Berlin Wall on the phone. He took the call and the Berlin Wall was upset about this woman being in love with him.
Howard played another clip of Erica Eiffel talking about sleeping in the Berlin Wall watch tower. She said she was able to open up to him.
Howard asked Robin which landmark she would want to be with if she was forced to do it. Robin had to think for a minute. She said maybe the statue of Arthur Ashe. Howard said good for her. Robin said she did think of David but she would do the Arthur Ashe. Robin said she's not sure what she would do but he has his hand out in a way that she could rub on. Howard asked if she would do Mt. Rushmore. Robin laughed.
Howard asked if he played Yucko at Comic-Con. Robin said she thinks they did play that. Howard said he must have. Robin said she remembers that one. Howard said maybe he did.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to a Swap Shop show. Howard said they try to sell some stuff. Howard played the call and Richard called looking for Jizz Mopping work. Then they had another guy call in asking for the Jizz Mopper's number. Sal called in trying to sell some mushroom tip tube steak and stuff like that. Then Richard called in asking for the number for that. The host said whenever it rains they get calls like that. Howard said he didn't know they had listeners on that show but someone called in and complained about Richard and Sal calling in. Howard played the clip of the guy going off on them for making those calls. The caller and the host of the show were saying that Donald Trump loves Howard Stern. They were going off on Howard for letting his staff doing stuff like this. Howard said this guy is some snitch. He said that he didn't know they had crossover fans like that.
Howard said Sal believes in god but in a rudimentary way. Gary asked if he thinks Sal is affected by that. Howard said sure he is. Gary said Sal has a bunch of people he won't prank because of religious reasons. He said he won't prank nuns or priests or anyone in religion. Sal said none of this is true. He said he's not upset about the comments or anything like that. Howard said he knows Sal is affected. Sal said he has a ton of calls he's made to religious shows. Gary asked if he's the one who made them. Sal said of course he did. Howard said he heard he gets upset that someone thanks god. Sal said he hates the guy who said ''Thank the fuck Christ.'' He said he doesn't like that.
Howard said the guy on the phone of that Swap Shop show was better than the host. Howard said he should host his own show. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Steve said that he has to get his name back. He said it's been 3 months now. Howard said the day he took his name away he didn't even want to talk to his son. Howard said he did tell him that some day they might try to give him his name back but he doesn't know if they ever will. Steve said come on. He said that Greg Gutfeld isn't part of the show. He said he did his penance and he's paid his dues. Howard said he lost his name as part of that. Howard said they may never know if Greg would want him to have it back.
Howard said he just told Steve that to calm him down. He said he told him he did a great show that day. He said he told him maybe at some point they'd give him his Bobo name back. He said he's not sure if he will ever give it back.
Steve said he had an idea. He said he was trying to do the show justice and he sent Shuli this question. Shuli was in and he said that Steve sent in 3 questions to send into FOX News to ask Donald Trump. Steve said that he wrote this question asking about the education system and when common core might be implemented. Steve had some other questions he wrote. He was even including the punctuation in his reads.
Steve said he also wanted to ask if he's going to sit down with Howard Stern because he knows they were fond of each other and they went to each other's weddings. Howard asked why he's reading the punctuation. Steve said he was just reading. Howard said he thinks his comma was in the wrong place.
Shuli said there's a Twitter account that upsets Steve. He said it's Bobo911 and the guy has his face on the Twin Towers. Steve said that he's really upset about this. He said he's not sure how the guy still has an account. Howard asked if that's them or someone at Twitter. Shuli said that Steve thinks that Twitter keeps asking him for information to contact him to verify him and he's not sure who they are. Steve said it's really Twitter.
Howard said he's not sure what else they could do to straighten it out. Howard asked if it really bothers him that there's a Bobo911. Steve said it does. He said these people have him involved with all kinds of stuff. He said it's a travesty. He said he needs to be verified today. Howard played a song parody about Steve from Florida.
Shuli said that Steve has said he lost someone on 9/11 but it had nothing to do with 9/11. Howard said that he wants to know what he's talking about. Steve said he's not going to talk about it. It was just someone who happened to die on that day. Howard asked if he's out of his fucking mind. Steve said he makes it clear that it didn't have anything to do with it. Howard said he's misleading people. Steve said he's not. He said he makes that clear. He said he says it was indirect. Shuli said that he brings it up in the context of talking about 9/11. Shuli said when he asks about it Steve says that he won't talk about it. Gary said this happened on the air like a year ago and Steve says he won't talk about it.
Howard asked Steve how he brings it up. Steve said it has to do with his family and he doesn't want to bring it up. Shuli said they let him come in there and have pubic hair glued to his face. Howard said this is like saying that his grandma lost her whole family in the holocaust. He said you'd assume that it was because of Hitler. Howard said it could be that they just died during that time.
Gary asked if the date of the person dying on 9/11 is relevant. Steve said it is. Robin asked if it was even on the same day. Steve said it was within hours. Howard asked what state they were in. Steve said California. Fred played a clip of Steve saying ''Hashtag bald asshole.''
Howard asked Steve some questions trying to figure out what it had to do with 9/11. Steve said it had nothing to do with the planes. Howard played another song parody about Steve from Little Mikey.
Howard said PaulBobo is on the phone. Steve said this is ridiculous. Howard said this guy is from North Carolina. PaulBobo got on the line and said he lost his brother on 9/11 and it was really hard. He said he eventually found him after looking around. Howard said he lost someone indirectly too. PaulBobo said he did. He said he found him later in the day. He said that it was a trying 15 minutes but he did find him. Steve told Howard not to take calls from these other Bobos.
Howard said he has CaliforinaBobo on the phone too. Steve said there are too many of them. Shuli said they're planning conventions to get together. Howard said it's like Negan. He said it's ''I am Bobo.'' Gary said he's looking at the notes about the 9/11 thing and it was all about the background about how he found out about 9/11. He found out about it in a dream. Steve said that's true.
Steve said that he doesn't dream but this person came to him and said that he was going to be involved in a tragedy. He said that he canceled a business trip. He said he told his whole family that something was going to happen. He said he lost his brother that day. He said that he wasn't on a flight or anything. Steve said he actually died the day after. Howard said he didn't even die indirectly from 9/11. Steve said that he would know if he told him the entire story. Howard said on 9/11 his cousin passed... the bar exam.
Howard said that you can't go around telling someone that you lost someone on 9/11 when they didn't even die on 9/11. Howard said its some bullshit dream he had. Howard said this is like stolen valor. He said he lost someone on 9/12.
Howard said Steve said that in his dream he was going to have something bad happen to him within 6 months. Howard said he could say that now and something will happen. Howard said the stupider the people the more they think they have super powers. He said it's like Sal.
Steve said he had a dream and Mother Caprini came to him and said that he was going to be involved in a tragedy in the next 6 months. Shuli asked where his flight was going that he canceled. Steve said that was going to Florida. Howard said that didn't matter at all.
Howard said he had an uncle that died on D-day. He was in a nursing home at the time. Shuli asked if Steve told his wife about the dream. Steve said he did. He said that he told his manager that he wasn't going.
Howard said Fred's grandfather died at Auschwitz. He fell out of the guard tower.
Howard took a call from African Bobo. One of the guys in the back was playing bongo and speaking in clicks and pops. Steve said he has to get verified so fans will know that he's the real Bobo. He said they're putting stuff up there that fans are being fooled by.
Shuli said he was in Tennessee on Saturday and he met 3 Tennessee Bobos. Howard took a call from another fake Bobo who was asking how Bobo can teach with his mentality. Howard said he has to tell Steve that maybe he doesn't want that name back. Steve said he wants the name back. He said it's driving him crazy. Howard played a song parody about Steve from Florida.
Howard said he has Diarrhea Bobo on the phone. He picked up and the guys were playing shiting sounds as the voice of Diarrhea Bobo.
Steve said that the Bobo thing resonates better with the show. He said this Steve from Florida thing doesn't work. Diarrhea Bobo was still making noise. Howard let him speak before Steve. Steve said that it's enough of this Bobo thing. He said he wants his name back. Howard played another Little Mikey song parody about Steve. Howard said that one was going on and on. He cut the song off. Shuli said there's nothing better than cutting Steve off with another song about him.
Howard said he'll give him the name back for 2 days if he tells him the connection to his brother and 9/11. Gary came in with some new ideas. Howard read some of the things like having him convert to Islam. Steve said he won't do that. Howard said they could have him admit he's not a great driver. Steve said he's the tops. Howard said he can make a smoothie out of his toupee and drink it. He said he could turn that toupee into a wolf boy mask with eye holes cut in it. Steve said no to all of those. Howard said he can spend a full day wearing a t-shirt that says 'Convicted Pedophile.' Steve said no way to that. He said he has a spotless name. He said he has a J-Walking ticket and that's it.
Howard gave Steve a few choices. Steve said no to not wearing his toupee for a month. Steve said his wife and kid haven't even seen him without it on. Shuli said his wife knows it's a wig. Howard said he likes the idea of converting to Islam. Howard said he's stuck with Steve. Steve said they have to come up with something else. Howard said he has to do the toupee thing and glue it to his face. Steve said they have to come up with something in a meeting. Shuli told him to come up with his own stuff. Howard said someone suggested he join ISIS and blow himself up. Howard said he can't do that.
Howard said he could have him destroy all of his driving trophies in a bon fire. Steve said no way to that too. He said he has them all up on his wall. Howard asked what the awards say on them. Steve said that they're for his driving classes. Howard let Steve go and played him off with a song parody. They went to break after that.
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Howard said speaking of drugs he has to get into a story about Brent telling him he should get into mushrooms because his mood would be better. Howard said he'll have to get into that tomorrow. He said that he can make the argument that he shouldn't get into that. He said shrooms are for women. He said they giggle on them. Howard said he should stick to making shitty political ads instead. Howard said they have time to get to all of this tomorrow. Howard said people ask him how long he has on his contract. He said he quickly says 3 years 10 months. He said they have 3 years and 10 months worth of shows to do so they have plenty of time to get to Ronnie's sex tips.
Howard said maybe they should just do the news. He said they sent Arnold Schwarzenegger to stand in line for the new Nintendo Switch. Howard said there were so many people standing in line for it. He said that he went over to investigate. Howard played a clip of phony Arnold interviewing people out there. He was insulting them asking if he could shove them in a locker and stuff like that. Howard said the line was around the block for this thing.
Robin asked what this Switch is. Gary had some information about it. He said that you can put it in a cradle and watch it on your TV or you can walk around with it.
Howard said Richard told him he was on line for some Nintendo classic thing. He asked how long he waited in line for that. Richard came in and said that this is just something fun. He said his wife loves the original Mario. Howard asked what's going on in his house. He asked if he's going to have kids. Richard said eventually. He said you have to run to the store to get them when they come in. He said he got one after waiting about 15 minutes in line.
Howard said Richard's dad has been on a mad fishing tear. He said he has some messages from him. Howard played one where Richard's dad talked about fishing and what he's caught lately. Howard said Richard told him that catfish are disgusting. He said you pull out black veiny stuff like you do with shrimp. Richard said his dad used to catch like 80 pounders because they live forever. Howard said there's a whole different life out there. He said that he's never eat anything with the name cat in it. He said Richard's bus driver used to sell him stuff. Richard said he'd sell them live chickens and stuff. He said you'd have to check the seats for chicken shit.
Howard said Richard forgot to wear a shirt to school one time. Richard said he never wore a shirt around the farm. He said one kid had a vest over his shirt so that's what he was wearing for the day.
Howard let Richard go after that. He said that's life on the farm. He said Richard is always drinking and buying old Nintendo stuff.
Howard said there's a woman who asked the Amazon Alexa (Echo) if it's connected to the CIA and it shuts off. Howard played a clip that JD found on WorldStarHipHop. In the clip the woman asks Alexa questions about the CIA and when she asks if it's connected to the CIA it shuts down.
Howard asked if they have one there. Gary said they do. They had to power it up though. Howard told Gary to talk on the microphone. Gary said that the Echo is in the green room. He said they had it in the office but they disconnected it. Howard said he thought it was in his office. Gary said it was. They just connected it again.
Howard asked how he's going to hear him. Gary asked if it was connected to the CIA and Alexa answered that she works for Amazon. Howard said she speaks so much better than Siri. Howard told Gary to say Baba Booey to Alexa. Alexa responded ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said Jimmy Kimmel figured that one out. Howard said Jimmy doesn't have one though. He said he doesn't want something connected to the CIA.
Howard said it's pretty cool how Alexa talks. Robin said it performs better than Siri. Howard said Apple has so much money and they can't get Siri to sound human. Gary asked Alexa to talk about Howard Stern. Alexa responded and said a few things about Howard. Gary asked Alexa to talk about High Pitch Erik. She knew who he was talking about. Gary asked her about Jon Hein. She had the wrong Jon Hein. She said that he writes about lesbians and transgender in Scotland.
Howard had Gary ask about Mel Gibson being a racist. Alexa said she doesn't have any information on that. Howard said Apple has to get on this Siri thing and get it to sound as good as this.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they're watching the show Legion. Howard said he's trying but he doesn't like it. Howard said it's very confusing. He said he can't figure out what's going on. Robin said she shouldn't need notes to keep up with the show. The caller said that the last episode was pretty amazing. Howard said he doesn't care. Howard said it's a Marvel comic thing but it's not that great. He said he's watching it anyway.
Howard told Gary to say he wants to fuck Alexa. Gary was gone. Gary came back and did it. Alexa didn't respond.
Robin started her news with a story about Tim Berners-Lee who is the inventor of the World Wide Web. Robin said he has written an open letter on the 25th anniversary of the World Wide Web. Robin said he had a proposal that he submitted in 1989 for what would become the Web. Robin said he is worried about some things going on with the web and those three dangerous points are fake news, losing control of personal data and political advertising. Robin had more details on that.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who said he has the best connection. He said he has a land line. Howard said he sounds good. Tommy asked if he ever watches Rick Steves on PBS. Howard said he doesn't watch that stuff. Tommy said he's a big pot guy. Howard said half the people on TV are pro pot. Howard said he's not a weed smoker but he's all for it being legal. Howard said Tommy has a great connection but not a great question. Howard said pot should be legal. He said it's not the best thing for you but who cares if you want to smoke it.
Howard asked Robin if she took any bets on The Bachelor. Robin said no. Howard said tonight is the finale. Robin said she thinks that he's going to pick the girl with the black hair. She was talking about Raven. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said the other girl is hotter. Howard said Raven is more fun but hot and a real good job for that dude is better. Howard said the other girl has some serious job teaching slow kids. Robin said she's emotional and a mess. Howard said he's betting on the woman with the good job. Robin said she has a bunch of things going on. Howard had a clip of some guys talking about guys like Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel making it okay for guys to admit they watch The Bachelor. Howard asked if that was Dan Patrick talking about that. JD said it was.
Howard said Donnie Wahlberg has admitted he's a big fan of the show. So is Will Murray. Will came in and said he thinks that Raven is going to be the one. Howard said the other one is hotter. Will said it's not all about that but he does agree that she's hotter. Howard and Will spent a few more minutes talking about the show. Howard said Gary goofs on the show but he always has questions about it. He said he knows too fucking much about it. He said there are hot chicks on the show in bathing suits so f-them. Howard said Gary watches the show. Gary came in and said that he watched about a half hour of the show 8 episodes ago. He said he isn't watching the show. Gary said he was interested for a minute. Howard said he said his wife watches it. Gary said he said that like 8 episodes ago. Gary said he doesn't watch the show. Gary said it's not gay to watch the show and he's not watching it. They played a Baba Booey song parody where they had him clearing his throat. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said that his wife still calls Siri ''Suri'' when she uses it. Howard said that they should change the name. He said Alexa is easier to remember.
Howard took another call from fake Obama. He was calling from Robin's apartment where she has her own audio playing all the time. Obama told her to pick up a pack of lube on her way home. Family sized. Howard let Obama go a short time later.
Robin read a story about a fight that happened after a NASCAR race yesterday. Robin said one of the drivers thought he was cut off the other. Robin said at the end of the race there was a fist fight. Howard said it was the brother of the driver Ronnie went to the wedding for. Robin said it was Kyle Busch who sucker punched Joe Lagano according to what she read. Robin said Kyle came out with a bloody head. Robin said it's funny that they're fighting over cutting each other off in a car race.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who asked Alexa who Nick will choose in the Bachelor finale. He was doing the Gary voice and the Alexa voice. He asked it a bunch of questions about Nintendo and things like that. He had a lot of ''Noine'' answers in there. Sour was asking it who his boyfriend was. Alexa said Jon Hein. Howard let him go for a minute and then asked Robin how good Sour Shoes is. Sour Gary asked where Sour Shoes was. She said he was up Bailey the Bed Bug's ass. Howard said his impressions are so good.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how much Sour Shoes would be worth if someone could control him. Howard said he's so talented and he thinks he could win America's Got Talent if he disciplined himself and got some material. Howard said he has some weird thing that's holding him back. The caller said he has to be worth a ton if he was just a DJ or something. He said he's got to be worth a ton. Howard said he has to go try managing him himself then.
Robin got back to her news and read about covering the camera on Howard's iPad when he's jerking off. Robin said there's a company called Wevibe that sells a vibrator with bluetooth and WiFi technology and you can control it remotely. Robin said they are selling these things. Howard asked why a woman would want her boyfriend controlling that. Robin said maybe they're in a long distance relationship. Howard created what that would sound like. He asked why someone would invent that. Robin said people do have phone sex and maybe this would make it better. Robin said they discovered that the company was collecting information on the customers. Robin said they were looking to see how often they were using the vibrator and at what temperature they were using it at. Robin said they lost the case and they've going to have to pay their customers. Howard said it sounds like something Ronnie would come up with. He did an impression of Ronnie as if he were customer service for the company. He kept that going for a while. Fred was playing electronic noises as Ronnie was giving advice on how to use it. Howard said he's exhausted after doing that for a couple of minutes.
Robin read a story about Cris Angel going to the hospital after he passed out from hanging upside down. Robin read some details about that.
Robin read a story about Arnold Schwarzenegger saying he won't be running for senate. Robin said he's interested in redistricting. Robin said he wants to see the same thing that happened in Florida happen in California. Howard said in the old days a guy like that could never run but now you can do anything you want. Robin said maybe Anthony Weiner could make a come back. Howard said absolutely he could. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that Alec Baldwin has been getting a big ovation for playing Trump on Saturday Night Live. Robin said that it's deafening when he shows up on stage. Robin said it's like the best part of his career now. Howard said they should call it the Alec Baldwin show and put him on every week. Robin said he says he won't be doing it much longer. Howard said he'll keep doing it. Howard said he always says he's not going to do something and he keeps doing it. Howard said that's his thing. Howard said they should call it Baldwin Night Live instead of Saturday Night Live. Robin said Alec has said he won't do it much longer. Robin said he is going to keep doing it this season but beyond that he's not sure. Howard said maybe Daniel Baldwin should do the impression. Robin said Kate McKinnon is the one who does all of the other impressions. Howard said she's very talented.
Robin read a story about a study being done about testing on animals. Howard said they should be testing on Benjy or Fred and not on animals. Howard said Benjy would be great at testing. Fred played a clip of Benjy screaming while they were talking about that.
Robin read a story about a man getting into the White House grounds by climbing a fence. Howard asked how that happens. Robin said they have all of this stuff up to keep that from happening and it still happens. Robin said the individual was arrested and nothing was found in his back pack.
Robin read about how the Game of Thrones final season is going to be wrapped up in just six episodes. Robin said the creators talked about why they're doing it this way. Howard said that Khaleesi better be naked in every scene. Howard said he wants her nude.
Robin read a story about how more than 50 percent of families are being touched by cancer in this country. Robin read some details about that. Howard said even if they find a cure for that someone will kill you. Robin said that it would be nice to just die of old age. Howard said Steve from Florida lost someone to cancer but indirectly.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden talking about the fight against cancer being the only bipartisan thing left in this country. Robin read about some of the things he talked about at an event at South by South West over the weekend.
Robin read a story about how they're trying to come up with evidence that Trump Tower was wire tapped by President Obama. Robin said that Trump has accused Obama of doing that but has no proof. Robin said she's not sure why but the Justice Department has been told to come up with the evidence proving that.
Robin read a story about the new Trumpcare health care plan and if it's going to pass or not. Robin said that it's not clear what this plan is going to cost.
Robin read about how Andrew Cuomo may run for President in 2020. Robin had some details about that.
Robin read a story about the box office and how Kong was the king over the weekend. Robin said the movie Kong: Skull Island earned $61 million. Robin said Logan was $38 million. Howard said he wants to see Logan. He said he heard it's good. Robin said she heard that too. Robin said Get Out was also in the top 5. Robin said she wants to see that. Howard said he thinks he got a copy but never watched it. Gary said Howard would love that movie. He said it is a horror movie with racial overtones. Howard said he watched Fences. He said he never saw Hidden Figures. Robin said Howard liked Moonlight. Howard said that was a coming of age movie. Robin said she didn't think so. Robin said he became a mess. Howard said he liked Fences better than Moonlight. Howard said he liked them both. Robin said she didn't like Moonlight. She said it was like 2 and a half hours of torture. Robin said she doesn't like to see that. Robin read that the Lego Batman movie was in the top 5 too. Howard said he doesn't want to hear about that. Robin said it's making a lot of money and it's still in the top 5. Robin said that LaLa Land is still up there too. Howard said he liked that. Robin said she hasn't seen that one either. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about it being the weatherman's big day. He said there's nothing like watching that during a blizzard. Howard said the weatherman is going to get all of the attention. He said most of them are running around with rulers. He said he saw two guys say that they were going to go out and measure but it wasn't going to be enough. Howard said they're king today. He said they have to ad lib for hours. Robin said the other reporters are getting the story too. Howard said you can get weather on your phone now so they're not that important now.
Gary said that they have to go right to the weather guy today. Howard said Al Roker came in his pants last night. Howard said they use rulers on their show but to measure their cocks, not snow.
Howard asked how much they've gotten so far. He said it's not much. Gary said it's like 2 or 3 inches. He said from now on they're saying it's going to be 2 inches per hour. He said it's going to turn into rain and ice and then super high winds the rest of the night. Howard said he can't walk on ice. He said he walks like an old man. He said he's so afraid of falling that he doesn't want to suffer the humiliation.
Robin said there was a man who would run to the car to help her get out and he looked worse than her. She said she'd have to help him. Howard said he has to take tiny steps when he moves. Robin said you have to keep your center of gravity in the right place. Robin said that's why you take baby steps. Howard said he makes Ronnie carry him like Ariana Grande.
Howard told Benjy to go stick his penis in the snow to measure how deep and girthy it is. Howard played an ''In Search Of'' bit where they wondered who finds Benjy's cock attractive.
Howard said he was up late last night with The Bachelor. He said you feel so studio after watching it because it's so uneventfully. Robin said she was up and she's tired and woozy. Howard said he was right about who he was going to pick. He said he can tell. He said you know how they try to misdirect you. Howard said hot always wins. Robin said Raven looked really hot last night. Howard said he saw it. He stayed up until 10 and then got up early to watch the rest of it. Robin said she wanted to see them come out as a couple. Howard said that's so silly.
Howard said he taped himself watching The Bachelor. He said this is when Nick picked Vanessa. Howard played the bit where he got all excited like a guy watching sports who taped himself. Howard was all excited about Vanessa being picked.
Howard said that's his sport. He said that guys are always taping themselves watching games. He said that's all over the internet. Robin said she's not sure who would do that.
Howard said he found some clips of some sporting events where the commentators go berserk. He said it must be soccer or something. He said they get all worked up over soccer in Spain. JD said it was during the UEFA tournament. He pronounced it ''Way-fuh'' and Robin wondered if he was right about that. JD said he thinks so.
Howard played the clip and the commentators were chanting something and going nuts. Howard said maybe we should build that wall. He said maybe Trump is on to something. Robin said that sounded like an orgasm. Robin said that's not good broadcasting. She said he was just repeating himself. She said then he wears himself out.
Howard said in our country it's just as bad. He said this is from a game where this guy Matt Park was going nuts. This was during a basketball game. Howard played the clip and the announcer went nuts when a 3 pointer was thrown with no time left on the clock.
Howard said he has one where a guy is going nuts over a women's hockey game. Howard played that and the guy went nuts sounding like Benjy screaming. The guy was screaming about the win.
Howard said people don't get that excited when their kids are born. He said that's awesome. Howard had one more where a guy from North Florida went nuts. Howard said his computer isn't working. He can't get the pop up. He said it's piece of shit equipment. JD told Howard that it's during a pre-game meeting and the coach screams ''Lets gooooo!!!'' Howard said he never screams. Howard said they lost the game by the way. He said he never screams because he has nothing to scream about. Howard asked what he would scream about. He said you ruin your voice and walk around hoarse all day.
Howard said the guys mixed his reaction to The Bachelor into gay porn. He said that's Richard's job. He said he's the one who deals with the gay stuff.
Howard said you want to be clean back there but not too fastidious. He said you can blow a hole in your asshole. Howard said Ronnie once admitted washing his ass in the sink. He said that's disgusting. He said he's never heard of that.
Howard said he's so good with his baby wipes that you could eat off his asshole. He said he's clean back there.
The caller said it makes a mess when he wipes back there. Howard said that the first wipe is one big swipe. He said you have to shove your finger in there. He said you have more work to do if you see a dot of shit. The caller said he's up to 245 pounds. Howard said he's a big boy. He said if he were in his situation he would invest in a hand held device to spray. He said he'd shove it up his ass and turn the water on blast. He said you can blast out a lot and you don't have to wash your whole body. The caller said he has one downstairs. Howard said it's like a Waterpik for your asshole. Howard said it blows things out and you don't have to get started with shampooing and all of that.
Robin said it sounds like this guy isn't getting a clean cut. Howard said he's obese. The caller said he's trying to use the treadmill. Howard said what he'd like to see him do is not get on a treadmill and kill himself. He said he has to do the walking and then work his way up before running. The caller said he can't run. He said he has a bad spine. Howard said that's bullshit. He said don't listen to the doctor about that. The caller said his back is so bad that he's taking 4 Oxy's a day. Howard said more exercise and less ass wiping. Howard said the Oxy is going to kill him. He said he has to cut that out. The caller said his mother said the same thing to him.
Howard said he had a friend who was very heavy and he told him to take a back scratcher and put a wad of toilet paper on it to wipe. He said it's an extender. He told the guy to try that. The caller was laughing. Howard wished him luck getting off the Oxy. Howard said they just handed him a report saying that Joey Boots died from an accidental Heroin overdose. Howard read the TMZ report about Joey's death. Robin said they knew he was on and off the stuff.
Howard let the caller go after the guy told him he's been listening since the 80s. Howard played a ''Psychic Wars'' phony phone call clip after that. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard took a call from a guy in New Hampshire so he asked if he's getting snow up there. The caller said he thinks that he's full of shit thinking that other guy could run 1/4 mile. Howard said you have to work your way up to that. He said you have to have someone advising you too. Howard said you have to work up to it and that's what he was telling that other guy.
Howard let that guy go and said you can't just go fucking run. He said if you go from 0 to 60 you'd be screwed.
Howard took a call from fake Donald Trump. Fake Donald said he can hear Obama listening in on him now. Howard said Obama denied bugging Trump Tower. Trump said it if weren't true they wouldn't have let him Tweet it. He said they have rules. Howard said he has to say that in 5 weeks he's gotten involved in a lot of scandals. Trump said he has the best scandals.
Howard went through the scandals with Trump and brought up some of the things that he's gotten into trouble with. Trump said he was going to take everyone to see Kong but everyone hates him so no one is going. He said he's a broken man and they're all jealous. Howard said there was no trip to Kong. He let Trump go a short time later.
Howard asked Robin how old she thinks Gary is today. Robin said that she's going to say 56. Howard said she's right on the money. Howard said he thought he was 53.
Howard said they have to remind people about some of the things Gary has done like the time he auditioned to be an MTV VJ. Howard said he hid it from him because he claimed he was nervous about it. Howard said Gary wasn't nervous. He said he was trying to leave him. He said Gary came back and knew it had gone horribly. He said he groveled and said he was there for life. Gary said it turned out to be true. Howard said his audition was so bad. He said he told Gary he's not a news man and he doesn't know how to read off a teleprompter. Howard said he told him to shave off his moustache or something crazy. Howard said they knew that it was going to be a disaster.
Howard played a clip of Gary talking about what he was thinking of wearing to the audition. He was talking about how he was just going to be himself. Howard said he sounds kind of like Bobo in that clip. Gary said it was an embarrassing accent.
Howard said they had the audition tape and Gary went on a rant about bras. He said he didn't proof read and didn't know how to pronounce bustier. Howard said Gary screwed that up. Howard played the clip and Gary even pronounced his last name wrong. Howard goofed on Gary about that. Howard said he thinks Gary wore his Bolo tie too. He asked who wears that.
Howard asked why Gary changed his name for that. Gary said he's not sure if he was calling himself Dell'Abate on the show or not. He said he may have been ''Dell-a-bait'' on the show too. Howard played more of the Gary audition and Gary was talking about the bustier and screwed up the pronunciation. Howard said Gary thought it was going to be an easy job like it is there. Howard said Gary has had a life long love affair with talking. He said this is the worst audition ever.
Howard played clip after clip and Gary kept messing things up. Howard kept goofing on Gary about how bad this was. Howard let the clip play and Gary was talking about bras. Howard said Gary has kind of flirted with show business. He said he wants to break out and be a star but he thinks he's more of a behind the scenes guy. Howard said Gary did stand up the other night. He said he has a clip. He said he's telling jokes that aren't his jokes and he's reading them. He said Sal got all upset about that. He said he thinks Gary is a bad representative of the show.
Gary said Sal thought he was on a two bit network but this is coming from a guy who teaches you how to cook in a toaster oven. Howard asked Gary if he thought he would embarrass himself because he's not a stand up. Gary said he thought it was okay. Howard asked why take the gig. Gary said he thought it would be fun to try. Howard asked why try it on TV? Robin asked if he thinks it's easy. Gary said no.
Sal told Gary to shut up. He said he's been working 30 years for this man and he can't put two and two together. He said that he goes on this wacky comedy gig and he's doing a two bit piece of shit show. Sal said if he hears that the producer of the Howard Stern Show is there you expect that he's going to know something but then you hear this guy doing an awful set. Gary said this was on an actual channel. Gary said that what Sal is doing with the cooking thing is in his house with his mom. Sal said Gary went out and represented comedy and failed. He said that if Gary did a show about Vinyl on the internet that's got nothing to do with Howard's show. He said this stand up was something that had to do with the show. Gary asked if Sal would have taken the gig. Sal said sure because he's funnier than Gary. Sal said Gary gets too many accolades. He said he looks like a stepped on orangutan.
Gary said he was on AXS TV and it's bigger than the internet. Howard played some of the audio from Gary's stand up gig where he had people yelling out ''Baba Booey'' before doing his set. Gary said he's been hearing that for 26 years. He talked about what it's like for reporters on the street who get that yelled at them. Gary asked how great Sal was when he was glomming off of Howard's name and he was all drunk. Sal said he took his beating and he can't do that anymore. Sal said that Gary should be setting an example because he's his boss. Gary said he works for Howard, not for him.
Howard played more of Gary's stand up where he was joking about the city and how he got there. Sal said it's like the Gong show. Howard played a song parody about Gary after that. Sal said now this is funny.
Howard played more of Gary's awful stand up set. Gary was telling really hacky jokes. Howard said that he thinks Gary shouldn't have taken that job. Gary said he discussed it with other people and they were okay with it. Howard said he shouldn't have taken the job.
Gary wanted to shift the attention to Sal but Howard said he's not going to do that. Fred played another song parody thing with Gary. Sal said he's going to take over the Wrap Up Show from Gary because of this. Gary was trying to talk and Sal told him to be quiet.
Howard let Sal go and said that they can keep going with the tribute for Gary. Howard played another promo for the Gary birthday special. Howard said in all fairness Gary wanted to be a VJ and it didn't go well. Howard played more of Gary's audition tape and laughed when Gary screwed up saying ''bra.'' Howard said they didn't even call him to reject him. Gary said he doesn't think anyone called.
Howard said he had a problem saying ''Starship.'' Howard played a clip of Gary trying to talk about Jefferson Starship. Gary made a drug reference and yelled at himself for making the reference. Gary screwed up again so Fred played another Baba Booey song parody.
Howard said Gary didn't know he had bombed the audition. He played a clip of Gary telling him he's going to work for him the rest of his life.
Howard said he must have been his fall back position. He said he knew he could work there. Howard said that people go and secretly audition but there people will do it in the open because they know he'll take them back. Gary said they told him that all he had to do was work an hour and a half per day in the afternoon. He said that's what the VJ's did there. Howard said Gary was always busy with stand up and other stuff. Robin said Gary books stand up comedians all the time so you'd think he'd have some respect.
Howard said they asked some of the VJs for their opinions on Gary's audition. He had some audio of Mark Goodman commenting on it. He had Martha Quinn talking about it too. Howard said she was so cute. He said every guy wanted to bang her. Howard said Gary was the original MTV VJ reject.
Howard said that was a nice chapter in Gary's life. Howard said he has this too. He had an MTV theme with Gary clearing his throat clips in it.
Howard said 30 years later Gary is still keeping his hand in show business. Howard said he might not be a VJ but he was on AXS TV. Howard said he was doing stand up on there. Howard said he has done other show business type jobs over the years. Howard said he continues and hasn't given up. He was Techno Beaver for a while. He had a show about vinyl. Gary said that would have been a hit if it wasn't on channel 192. Howard said happy 56th birthday to Gary. Gary said he's feeling the love. Howard said they do love him.
Robin said they also had that ''Hello, hello'' tape that Gary did. Robin said that was his shining moment on the show.
Howard said Sal did a tribute to Gary today too. Howard asked if anyone else wants to come in and represent the back office. Howard said these are Gary's troops. Jason came in to talk about Gary. Gary said he loves working in a place where his employees can go in and talk shit about him. Jason said they have some grievances about Gary. He said the number 1 with Gary right now is that he's in the middle of a bunch of wild trips he's going to. He said he's been to a bunch over the past year. He said you have to hear about every part of the plan when he's going. He said he talks about it all. He said what's been bumming people out is that Gary will come out and he has this pose where he leans against the door and talks about how busy he is going to Napa to see the Foo Fighters and then he has to go to the Grammys and things like that. He said he thinks Gary is lost in his own head. He said he just likes to talk and talk and talk more. Gary said he thinks that this is Jason's grievance. He said he's talked about this before. Gary said he does talk a lot about stuff.
Howard said you have to be aware of who your audience is. Gary said Jason is kicked out of the club now. Jason said Gary is always talking about this stuff.
Jason said Scott didn't make it to work today because of the weather but he mailed in his problems with Gary. Howard said if he didn't make it in he's not going to let him get those grievances in. Howard said Scott is the only one who didn't make it to work. Gary said everyone else had a contingency plan. He said that they learned that they had to close the subways that run above ground so everyone who lives nearby came into Manhattan.
Howard said Scott knows that you have to pack a bag. He said that Scott never brings a bag. He said he always goes home to Long Island and it takes 3 or 4 hours. Gary said it's like a 4 or 5 hour trip home and back. Jason said he claims he never got an email about the weather but he just had to watch TV all weekend.
Howard said Scott is there after hearing someone on the squawk box. Howard told him to come in. Howard asked why they think he's not there. Jason said he was told he wasn't there. It was Sal on the box. Gary said at 6:04 this morning they got a message from Scott saying that he wasn't coming in.
Jason said they should bring in Shuli to air his complaints about Gary. Jason said that he doesn't think they get along. Shuli came in and said that he's along the lines of Jason's complaints. He said that Gary does talk about the stuff that he does and he wonders why he brings this stuff up. He said it's like ''Who gives a shit.'' He said Gary will talk about using the Silver Car app in Los Angeles and he's thinking ''Who gives a shit?'' Gary said Shuli is the king of who gives a shit. He said he does his stand up act for him every day. Shuli said that he's just giving information. Gary said he comes by with his observations.
Shuli said that Gary has a spoon that he uses for peanut butter and he has never seen it washed. Gary said he cleans it all the time. Jason said someone else in the office notices that stuff and that person says that spoon has not moved in months.
Shuli said Gary sometimes just doesn't look at him. He said that he will stare at his computer and not even look up. He said he'll just turn his head up and say ''Uh huh'' and smile. Gary said when someone comes to him 17 times a day he can't respond every time.
Howard played a clip of someone with their voice disguised talking about how Gary had taken all of the lox home with him after someone brought it in. Howard asked if that's true. Gary said he has zero recollection of that. Howard said Gary loves lox but he wouldn't do that. Howard said maybe next year they just throw Gary out a window for his birthday. Howard said Mindy Kaling is the one who sent the bagels and lox. Howard said Gary can't take that home. Gary said he doesn't remember doing that. He said maybe it was a basket full of stuff and that was one of the things that he took.
Howard said that he can't take that stuff home. He asked how you split up lox. Gary said he can't wait to go to dinner with Jason tonight. He said he's in the city for his birthday and he can't wait for that. Howard asked Gary why he's asking how he can split up lox. Howard said a woman sent bagels and lox. Gary said he doesn't remember. Howard asked Gary if it was 4 ounces of lox how can you split it up. Jason said that he didn't know about the lox until he heard that clip.
Howard played another clip of a disguised voice talking about how Gary's eyes will glaze over and he has to hear Gary tell the same story over and over again and if you don't then he'll get upset. Howard said it sounds like a lot of guys think like that. Shuli said that Gary will just walk out of the room if you tell him a story. Gary said Shuli is the last one who should complain about someone telling long winded stories.
Shuli said that Gary throws out story grenades. Gary said so does Shuli. Gary said he starts to tell his stories like he wants them to get on the air. Shuli said he goes to Gary to contribute to the show. He said it's up to Gary to let him in. He said that he's sorry if he's naturally funny and he thinks it's part of his act. Gary said that he's the only one saying that he's naturally funny. Shuli said he got booked on AXS because he's funny. He said Gary got booked because he's on the Howard Stern Show. Howard asked if he's upset that Gary got that gig. Shuli said not at all. He said a lot of the hosts are not stand ups.
Howard said that this has backfired. Gary said not for Howard. Howard said he has a treat. He said Richard Simmons is wishing Gary a happy birthday. Howard played a clip of Richard laughing about Gary getting another year older. Howard said Richard used to have some kind of message service where he'd do that. He said you can't get in touch with the guy now.
Howard had a clip of Gary pronouncing his name ''Dell-a-bait'' early on. Howard asked why he changed his name. Gary said it was Howard who pronounced it correctly so he went with it. Howard asked why he was ''Dell-a-bait.'' Gary said his father was trying not to be ethnic. Jason said he stuck with the apostrophe either way. Gary said that's his fucking name idiot.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he has a story about Gary. He said this was when Memet was in the studio and Gary did the swallowing thing. He said he counted about 8 times. He said it was about 3 minutes that he did that. Howard said that's a shitty story. He wanted someone to get the tape and replay it. Howard said that's a shitty story. He wants them to get the clip right on the air.
Jason said Gary bought them dinner last night. He said he felt really guilty. Shuli said it showed. Howard played a few Baba Booey song parodies. They also played a phony phone call the guys made with clips of Gary doing his audition for MTV. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked Gary what they're saying about the weather. Gary said they're saying that it might only be 5 or 6 inches but ice is coming. Howard said that's a lot better than 12 inches. Gary said they were saying 12-18 inches. Howard said 5 inches is fine. He said that's enough to reek havoc in the city.
Howard said he had a revelation about the cure for cancer. Howard said he thinks it's mold. Howard said he thinks that it's like Penicillin. Howard said that's what he's working on. Robin said they have been working on the theory for vaccines for cancer for quite some time. Robin said they say that model doesn't really work though. Howard said he has a piece of bread with mold on it and he wants to eat it to see if it cures cancer. Howard asked where their next Louis Pasteur is. Fred said it was Fleming who came up with the mold thing. Howard said he is scraping the walls of JD's apartment to get the mold. He said imagine JD's sheets cured cancer. He said it'll be something stupid like that. He said that Richard goes running and doesn't wash his clothes. He said maybe that has something on it.
Howard said he had a couple of things he wanted to read in the email. He said he forgets to do that sometimes. He said that he's shocked that people don't want Steve from Florida on the air. He said yesterday he was at his most brilliant. Howard said Steve said he lost someone on 9/11 but he wasn't at the Twin Towers and it turns out the guy died on 9/12. Howard said Steve didn't want to get into it though. Howard said if you say you lost someone on 9/11 and didn't then that's a brilliant bit. Howard said that was a great call yesterday.
Howard read some of the email about Bobo/Steve and people were saying that they have to keep him off the show. Howard said people are saying that his calls suck and he should just leave. Howard played a Bobo/Steve song parody and read more email about him and said this is pages and pages of stuff about Steve.
Howard said on the other hand Jeff the Drunk is getting positive feedback. Howard read some of that email and people were saying that Jeff should be on the show. Howard said there was some stuff about Jeff not being good on the show. Howard read some email about Beetlejuice and how much people enjoy him on the show. Howard played the new song from Beet where he does a rap song. Howard said that's very good. He said he's great at rap. Howard said they're calling him Notorious B.E.E.T.
Howard read a few more quick emails and said that he thinks Beet is coming out with a whole rap album soon. Howard said they're calling him a tiny headed Jay Z. He said he's like him but with a shrunken head. He said some are calling him 10 Cent instead of 50 Cent. Howard said some call him Jay Wee.
Howard read some email about the Ronnie Vibrator company thing he did yesterday. Howard said that people were writing in about the Amazon Alexa bit they did. He said that people were telling him to shut the fuck up about The Bachelor.
Howard said that people are talking about how great Shuli has been on the show lately. He said that he had some stragglers about Ed Sheeran too. Howard said they thought he was the best on the show. Howard said that someone wrote in about the band Highly Suspect. Howard said that guy who called in yesterday wasn't in the band and they're a really good band. Howard asked Fred to find one of their songs. Fred found the song they performed live at Sirius and played it for Howard. Howard said they sound kind of Pink Floyd-ish to him. He said it sounds like something that Steve Brandano would listen to. Gary said Steve has seen them and they are a 3 piece band like Cream and he thinks Howard would like them.
Howard said someone says the Lego Batman movie is the best Batman film ever. Howard said they say that it has a lot of Batman references from over the years and they think that there are some Stern Show references in it. Howard said it sounded crazy to him. He said he likes serious Batman shows. Howard said the Adam West Batman wasn't something he loved but it was all he had at that point in his life. Howard said he can watch the cartoons but it sounds like they're trying to make it a comedy. He doesn't like that. Howard said people do think he'd like it though.
Howard said he got a note from the judge in the OJ trial. Howard said it was a woman named Jackie Glass. Howard said that she was listening to the show and she wrote in about the facts of the case. She said that he was convicted of many charges with the use of a deadly weapon. She said that she didn't delay the trial to make the sentencing occur on the anniversary of the murders. She said it was coincidence. She said she's a long time listener and she's now retired. Howard said that's straight from the judge's mouth. He said now they know.
Howard said ''Eww'' when he heard that. Howard said he wouldn't try any of these tips. Howard asked why any guy would want his cum to taste like fish. Howard said even the way he says fish is gross. Howard asked what's up with that voice that Ronnie puts on.
Howard said he has President Obama on the phone. He said he called in a few times yesterday. Robin said he was bowling with midgets yesterday. Howard picked up and Obama said he's at an EDM show. Howard asked what he's doing there. He said he was doing Whip-its with some sorority girls. He said ''Yolo bitches'' and hung up.
Howard said asked what Yolo is. Fred said it's You Only Live Once. Howard said he was reading about Snapchat and they were saying that people now communicate in pictures. He said it all means some shit but he's not down with that. Howard said he doesn't like that. He did his Soupy Sales voice talking about that. He said the written word does it for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the song was that he played earlier. Fred said it was ''My Name is Human.'' The caller said Howard says ''Human'' funny. He said it sounds like ''You-man.'' Howard said who cares. He said he doesn't need words.
Howard did his George Takei ''Guacamole'' and ''Aqua'' impression. Fred played the clips of George saying those things too. Howard asked if they believe that George does 100 push ups a day at the age of 80. Howard said he doesn't believe it. Fred said he'd like to see it. Fred said he does say that he puts his feet up on a chair. He said that makes it harder. Howard said maybe he does it on his knees like a girl push up. Howard said he's worn out after doing 12 push ups. He said he's working out for Beth. He said she deserves to see something halfway decent. Howard said he has this beauty with him and she must be wondering what she's doing with him. Howard said maybe she feels more beautiful next to him.
Howard played another Ronnie sex tip. In that one Ronnie was doing that ''sexy'' voice thing. He was talking about how to make your cum taste good again. He said this was a cock and ball marinade. He said you get chicken broth and put some other spices in it. He said you lay on your stomach and let your cock and balls marinate in that stuff all night. Then you shove it in your mate's mouth in the morning. Robin said he can't be serious about this. Howard said he doesn't know if he does it or not.
Howard said Ronnie uses Emojis all the time. He said he must be happy that words are going away. JD said it's all the time. He uses the devil one and girls waving and stuff like that. Howard asked how he knows about that. Howard said he texted him this morning and he didn't write him back. Ronnie said he did it right away. Howard said he has to see if he got it. Howard said he waited for his text and it didn't come back. Howard pulled his phone out and found that he did write him back. He didn't use any Emojis though. Ronnie said Howard would yell at him if he did.
Howard asked Ronnie why he uses some of these Emojis. Ronnie said he does it when he gets angry. JD said he's looking at them right now and it's a girl waving. Ronnie said it's just a hand waving. Howard said it is a girl. Ronnie took a look at it and it was a girl. Ronnie said he never put that up there. Jason said that came right off Twitter. Ronnie said he didn't put that one out there.
Howard read the tweet and asked what that was. Ronnie said it was about his granddaughter. He said somehow it's getting changed. Ronnie said he'll show him on his phone. Howard asked if his granddaughter sees his feed. Ronnie said no. He said she doesn't see it. Howard asked why he'd do that then. Howard asked why he'd tell hot chicks that he's a grandfather. Ronnie said they love it. Howard asked how long after that does he tweet out a picture of a naked girl. Ronnie said he does it right after.
Howard said that Ronnie has a Blackberry. He said he's the only guy he knows with one. Ronnie said that's bullshit. He said he sees them all the time.
Ronnie showed the Emojis that are on his phone and how they change when he sends them out. Ronnie said that's what he puts out and that's what comes out as a little girl. Howard said his blackberry is making him appear gay. He said his phone is fucked up. Ronnie said he likes his phone. He said he hates fucking phones. Howard said he's on it all day.
Ronnie said that Bobo texted him and said that he crafted his own Emojis. He said it was a guy hanging out a limo moon roof.
Howard asked Ronnie how the weather is. Ronnie said the wind is bad. Howard said shit. He said that Ronnie put out a tweet over the weekend where he had 8 waving girls in it. Ronnie said that's the Emoji that changes. He said he was waving at someone. He told Howard to leave him alone.
Howard asked if he does this stuff in the sex tips. Ronnie said he does. He said he has tried the Tobasco on his cock. He said why not marinate his cock. Howard played another tip from Ronnie about making your cock taste good. He gave a tip about putting Tobasco on your cock. He ended it by saying ''That's amores.'' Howard corrected him saying it's That's Amore. Ronnie eventually said it. Fred kept playing him saying it wrong.
Howard said these tips might have to end. Fred said ''Oh no... he's just getting started.'' Howard played another tip where Ronnie gave a tip on how to make your cum taste good with pineapple juice. He said you take a pineapple and fuck it after cutting it to the shape of a pussy. He said you cum in it and then let it sit in there for a week and then eat it. He said that the girl will be pining for your apple bag. Howard said no one makes Ronnie laugh like Ronnie. Ronnie said that it's Fred making him laugh. Howard said Ronnie loves himself. Howard said sticking your dick in a pineapple would make it burn. Ronnie said he doesn't have cuts in his cock. He said it's not going to burn. Howard asked if he's ever really done that. Ronnie said he'll never tell. Howard said if he's ever really done that he wants him arrested.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie doing a sex tip recording and cracking up as he's talking about it. He was in the room with Richard and Sal so that's what was making him laugh. Howard said he's like his own Ed McMahon making himself laugh. Ronnie said he's like Jackie.
Howard played another clip where they did Ronnie as the Most Disturbed Man in the World. Ronnie said he made a new friend on Twitter. He said that girl from Australia that was hanging out with Jeff the Drunk is his friend now. He said that she writes to him and he tweets back. He said they just talk about stupid shit.
Howard said it's weird that Ronnie is complementing his granddaughter's dance troupe but then tweeting out naked girl pictures. Ronnie said today is Tittie Tuesday. He said Thursday is Thong Thursday. He said this guy Emilio sends him stuff and he'll retweet it. Ronnie said he picks the ones he likes and then he'll retweet them. He said if the girl is disgusting he won't retweet it. He said he tries not to show pussy. Howard said they did in Penthouse. Ronnie said he likes thong and ass shots. Ronnie said Emilio will put up pictures of girls holding a cup of coffee and say that she's waiting for the Stern Show to start. Howard asked if it's full time job. Ronnie said the guy must be sick because he's in the hospital all the time. Howard asked what he'd do if he found out he was in prison. Ronnie said he doesn't care. He said there's a site called Legit Hotties that posts a lot of pictures too. He said he has this new guy named Shadow who hangs out with drunk chicks and takes pictures and puts them up. Howard asked if he's worried about the legal part of that. Ronnie said he's not worried because he's just retweeting it. Robin said that doesn't mean he's not responsible.
Howard said he finds it odd that he'd put his granddaughter stuff in there with the naked chicks. Ronnie said he mixes a lot of stuff in there. Howard said his Twitter isn't wholesome. Ronnie said he has a disclaimer on his account. He said they warn people that he has adult content or something like that. Ronnie said he'd have to check it to see. Howard said it says ''This feed is disgusting.''
Gary said that one of the guys opened Ronnie's feed this morning and a woman on the subway moved about 5 seats away.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he has a sex tip. Howard picked up on Jerry who said that he puts peanut butter on his cock and his girl is allergic and she goes into anaphylactic shock and she dies and chokes to death.
Howard said Ronnie is putting porn up on his account so he has to be careful. Ronnie said he doesn't show pussy on there. Howard asked if Playboy is pornography. Ronnie said no. He said that's just to jerk off to. Howard said that's what porn is. Ronnie said that's a different story when you have Playboy or someone fucking. He said when he watches porn he watches TV porn. Howard said he tweeted out a shot the other day and you could see pussy from behind. Ronnie said sometimes if the ass looks that good he'll do that. He said he won't show a girl with her legs wide open.
Howard asked Ronnie how he got the picture of him with Howie Mandel and Bill O'Reilly. Ronnie said he was invited to Howie's show and he went and when he was back stage Bill was there. Howard said Bill used to go off on people for going to Nobu and Knick games and now you see him there all the time. Ronnie asked if he's going to go downtown to the new Nobu. Howard asked why he'd go there when he can go to one closer. Ronnie said his son is doing the electrical for his company. He said he was showing him pictures and the building is gorgeous. Howard asked what he talked to O'Reilly about. Ronnie said nothing really. He said he shook his hand and that was about it.
Howard wrapped up with Ronnie and thanked him for the sex tips. Robin said he just doesn't get the whole thing with the Twitter account. Fred did his impression of Ronnie talking about seeing Barney getting fisted. Howard let Ronnie got but he had a guy on the phone who had a question for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what asylum Ronnie broke Stephanie out of. He said he has to make sure no one has escaped in the past few years because she's probably crazy. Howard said Ronnie hates his phone but he has tweeted 43,000 times. Ronnie said he doesn't hate his phone. He just hates the way it works sometimes. Jason said Howard has tweeted 3,000 times. Ronnie said Robin tweeted something weird out the other day. He said it was just one word.
The caller asked who is following Ronnie because he can't follow him if he has a normal job. Ronnie said this guy probably looks at his stuff every morning.
Jason read some of the stuff that Robin has tweeted out lately. Howard asked Robin who is doing that stuff because it's not her. Robin said she has someone who helps her out with that. Howard asked if she's trying to start her own magazine.
Shuli came in and said that he has pictures of Ronnie tweeting on his Blackberry. He said there's nothing older looking than that.
Gary said they have a Twitter game about Robin. He said he'll give 3 tweets and he has to guess which one is Robin's. He gave a few like
Howard said it has to be the donkey one. Gary said he's right. Howard said he knows his Robin. Howard asked Robin what's up with that. Robin said she knows when the tweets are happening but she doesn't get notice when they're going out. Robin said she'd not putting anything out that will harm people. Ronnie asked how she would know.
Gary gave Howard a few more Tweets to guess at. Howard was guessing right about the tweets Robin's account is putting out.
Gary gave Howard a few more. Howard said they all have to be Robin. There were a bunch about health related things. It was about how often you should replace your office coffee mug.
Howard said that following Robin on Twitter seems more like a punishment. Howard said she must be angling to take over the Dr. Oz market.
Gary gave Howard more tweets to choose from. Howard was getting a couple wrong. Gary asked why they'd need to know about this stuff. Robin said tis' just information. Howard said Robin is up to something. He said it must be a self help thing. He said it's like Dr. Oz or Oprah. He said it's the know it all kind of stuff. He said she's like Robin the Gazer. Ronnie said they should monitor her account. Howard said he's going to follow Robin. He said he has to do that today. Howard said he can't follow Ronnie though. He said his kids will see that stuff. Ronnie said they're grown ups. Howard said they're young women.
Shuli said that one day Ronnie tweeted out a chick with huge tits holding a coffee mug in front of her vagina at 6 in the morning. Howard asked if Robin can believe this. Robin said she can't.
Howard had a caller on the line who said that the younger generation cares about this stuff. He said they don't want to see this shit on Twitter. Ronnie said that these guys are full of shit. He said they're not worried about pictures.
Howard said he has a pretty good sex drive but this guy doesn't quit. Shuli said it never stops with Ronnie. Howard said he thinks that he was bitten by a horny spider. He said he doesn't know anyone his age that sexed up. The caller said he doesn't know anyone his age that's that sexed up. Howard said Ronnie can out party anyone at Spring Break. Ronnie said ''Nah.''
Howard asked Ronnie about what he's wearing today. Ronnie said he's got an outfit on because he doesn't want to fuck up a suit. Howard said Ronnie looks good in jeans. He said he can pull off that look. Shuli said that he looks like an old Buddy Lee commercial. Ronnie said that Shuli is wearing stuff that he pulled out of the glom box at K-Rock. Shuli said that Ronnie used cock rings out of the glom box. Ronnie said he didn't do that. He said they sent him to him there with his name on them.
Howard said someone said that he stapled the bag of cock rings shut so if he dropped it they wouldn't fall out. Ronnie said he did that. Shuli said he was so proud walking around there bragging that he got cock rings. Howard said he was on his way to his granddaughter's dance recital so he didn't want them falling out.
Howard asked if Ronnie has tried the new cock rings out. Ronnie said not yet. He said they have 2 vibrators on them. He said he hasn't tried them yet though. He said it's a big cock ring though. He said you have to have a really hard cock for it to stay on.
Howard played a song parody about Ronnie. Fred was looking up the cock rings. Ronnie said they were Doc Johnson. He finally remembered. Howard thanked him for the information and for grossing them out.
Howard asked what the cock ring does. Ronnie said it locks the blood into your cock. Robin said that's like a tourniquet. Ronnie said it makes the head of your cock swell up. He said it gives the girl a better feeling. Howard said it's so you can stay hard too. Ronnie said it helps with that too. He said it also helps with pre ejaculation. Howard said he'd be embarrassed to use one.
Howard asked Ronnie what he's doing over here. He was talking over everyone telling Fred about the cock ring. Howard said they're trying to talk and he's over there talking to Fred. Howard played a song where Ronnie was singing about the cock ring. Howard said he has to move and get away from Ronnie. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said he has to pee so maybe he can do it during this song. He said he can be back in a minute and a half or so. Fred said there's like 5 minutes left of the song. Howard said he'll be back in a second. He left and Fred played sound effects of someone walking away, opening a door, unzipping and then some water splashing sounds. He played the door opening again and more footsteps.
Howard came back and said he feels so good. He sang along to the song about how he had just peed and now he feels good. Fred had some Robin clips singing along too.
Howard said he's an hour away from eating his lunch. He said he'll be eating his egg wrap sandwich. He said he's so hungry.
Howard said that is a great song but he had Fred shut it off. Howard said you can hear the ice hitting the window in the building. He said they just recorded this. Howard played the clip and it was pretty strong. Howard said one of the guys said it's ice coming down and it's so hard that it was cutting the guy's face. Howard said there's another weird thing where the building creeks. He said you feel like you're on a slave ship. Howard had audio of the building creaking too.
Howard said that creaking is so annoying. Howard asked what that is. Robin said that's the rollers that the building is built on. Robin said the buildings are anti-earthquake buildings. Howard said that's so annoying. Howard asked when they had an earthquake in New York. Howard said someone said that's from when JD sits down at his desk. Howard said that's how loud it is back in his office. He said it's annoying when he's trying to snooze back there.
Howard said he dreads walking in the ice. He said he doesn't want to slip. Robin asked how far he's walking. Howard said it's like 3 steps. He said he's not sure how people do it. Robin said the other people might have something on their shoes to walk in the ice. Howard said he needs cleats. Howard said he has his snow outfit on. He said he's wearing a black velour shirt for weather like this. He has some baggy jeans that aren't his nice ones. He said they're baggy. He said they don't even fit right. He said they're too baggy. Robin asked if he has on special underwear. Howard said no but he has boots on. He said that he has those steel tipped boots. Howard said they're work boots like Caterpillar boots.
Howard said Sal wore snow boots and they're clearly his wife's boots. Howard said everyone is goofing on Sal about them. Howard said they're ultra feminine. Howard told Sal to come in there.
Sal came in and Howard said he's a fucking asshole. Sal said his wife bought them for him but they're his. Gary said Ronnie said Stephanie has the same ones. Robin said they have fur on them. Sal said he doesn't care. Howard said they don't even look like they belong on him. Howard asked what that is. Sal said his wife bought them for him. Howard said his wife forgot to buy him something so she just gave him her boots. Sal said they fit but Howard and Fred said they look small. Sal said his wife did buy them for him he guesses. Howard said she bought them for herself. Howard said they're women's boots. Sal said he thought they looked feminine but he thought that was just the style. Howard said they're too small and they're women's boots. Fred said he has some like that but they're huge. Howard said they're so tight on his foot. Sal said he's a homo.
Howard asked what size shoe he is. Sal said he's close to an 11. Howard said he guarantees they're not an 11. Sal took the boot off and said they're a 9.5. Howard said his wife bought them for him, sure. Howard said his wife is a 9.5. Howard said he's an 11 and they're a 9.5. Sal said he thought they were supposed to be that tight so you'd have good traction. Robin said it looks like he has hooves. Robin said that has to be uncomfortable. Sal said he has more uncomfortable things going on. Sal said he likes the white fur. He said there's something that makes him happy. Howard said he needs a matching purse.
Howard let ''Sally'' go after that. He said he's Sally Governale. Howard said that's amazing.
Howard said he has to ask Ronnie what's up with the weather. He said he might just wait for him out there in his chair. Howard said it's like that show on HBO, Westworld, where the robots come to life when he gets there.
Howard said that Fred has sounds for everything. He was playing computer sounds for the robots. Robin said he was painting a picture when Howard went to the bathroom. Howard didn't hear that. Robin said that he had him pulling down his zipper and all of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been listening for years and with the Wrap Up Show he's convinced there isn't a doubt in his mind that Jon and Gary have had some sort of gay experience together. Howard said he doesn't think so but they do enjoy each other's company. The caller said Gary talks and interacts in a way that makes you think he's done something gay. Howard said he believes that. He said he thinks Gary is open. He said he's not sure about Jon Hein though. He said maybe they've had a sword fight. He said they use their penises as light sabers. The caller asked who the bottom is. Howard said he'd say Jon Hein. Gary said he'd be dead if he was the bottom. Howard said he doesn't think they're gay but they do enjoy each other. The caller asked if he has any games to play. Howard said they played one yesterday so they don't have one today.
Howard let the caller go and said they're going to do some news since it's a snow day. Howard said he did have a few things to play but he'll get to them another time. Howard played a clip of Jon and Gary singing to each other in their musical.
Howard said it would be great if Gary and Jon were gay. He said he knew a couple of guys who were friends and one was gay but the other guy had a thought that this other guy was the greatest person and he opened his mind to being gay. Howard said this was the person for him. He said they became gay together. Howard said they're in love and they've been together ever since. Gary asked if you can never have a gay thought and then do that. Howard said it happened. He said there you go. He said he told them that he's all for that. He doesn't care if that's what you want to do.
Howard asked Gary if he's in love with Jon Hein. Gary said no. Howard asked who he has been in love with. Gary said he was in love with his dad. He said he's not sure he's in love but he loved his dad. Gary said that he had a picture taken once and Jon Hein is in it. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Robin started her news with a story about The Bachelor. Robin said that they say that it was the most romantic proposal of all of them on that show. Robin said they never did find out how JD proposed. Howard said Ronnie was very involved with JD getting the engagement ring. Howard said he drove him out to Steven Singer Jewelers. Robin said it's at the corner of 8th and Walnut. Howard said Robin pays attention to that. Howard asked JD if Ronnie let him do the picking. JD said he did get some advice on a couple. He said that he was looking at one that was kind of thin. He said there was one that was more substantial looking and Ronnie agreed. Howard asked JD what the conversation was like in the car with Ronnie. JD said it's very quiet. He said neither of them are very talkative. He said there was a lot of silence. Howard said it's two people who have nothing to say. JD said he's a very aggressive driver. Howard said he knows that. He said he yells at people for cutting him off all the time.
Howard asked if they listened to music. JD said he doesn't remember. He said he thinks the radio was on but the radio was low. Howard asked if he got uncomfortable. JD said a little bit. He said he can't even remember what they talked about. Howard said they didn't even talk. JD said for the most part he was just sitting there. Howard said he wishes he had a movie of that.
Howard asked JD if they didn't talk for up to 25 minutes. JD said possibly. Howard asked if he was on his phone checking Twitter. JD said he did. He said he'd point some stuff out to Ronnie. Howard asked if they talked about work. JD said they might have. He said nothing comes to mind about that. He said it was last month. Howard said he imagines long periods of time with nothing being said. He said they're just driving along. JD said they enjoyed each other's company in silence.
Robin asked if JD asked Ronnie what it was like for him picking out his ring. JD said he thinks he asked him what he would have done if it wasn't done on the show. Howard asked JD if he bought the ring that day. JD said they had to get it fit for size and stuff. He said he didn't get it for a few weeks. Robin asked if they mailed it to him. JD said they mailed it to Ronnie and Ronnie brought it there. Howard asked if he though about how he was going to propose. JD said he did. Howard asked if it lived up to what he thought he was going to do. JD said he wishes he was more outgoing and stuff. He said he did think about doing it in Florida at Disney but he didn't have the ring yet. He said her friends were asking if she was proposed to yet. Howard said JD keeps saying ''Dizzy'' instead of Disney. Howard asked if her friends think he's a great catch. JD said he thinks that he's an alright guy. Howard asked if they tried to talk her out of dating him. JD said no. JD said she knew he was going to propose but didn't know when.
Robin said she basically told him to go get a ring. JD laughed. Howard said of course that's what it was. Howard asked if he's a shocking surprise to what she used to date. JD said if they're surprised they hide it very well. Howard said he thinks that a lot of Beth's friends were shocked that she was dating him. He said one of them may have passed out.
Howard asked who is paying for the wedding. Howard said something about what she does for a living and he had to dump out of that so it didn't get on the air. Howard asked if her family has money. JD said he doesn't think it's much more than his family has. Howard asked if he's going to have a wedding where he invites the staff. JD said the plan is to do something out west. He said they may have a party. Howard asked if it'll be in California. JD said somewhere out west. He said it might be in Montana or someplace like that. Howard asked why they would do that. JD said they'd have to get family out there. Howard said he's going to have a destination wedding? JD said right now that's the plan. JD said they'll pay to have the parents come. Howard said his mom moved to Hawaii and she never comes to see him.
Howard said it sounds like he's not going to have more than 10 or 15 people there. JD said that's what he'd prefer. Howard said going to Montana is wild. Howard said he should go somewhere warm so he can have a nice honeymoon.
Howard asked if JD wants to have kids. JD said neither of them really wants kids. Howard said that's smart. He said especially with JD. JD said alright with that. Howard said he has to give him the list of people he might invite from the staff. JD said the top 5 would be Ronnie, Jon, Richard and then Will and Jason. Howard asked if there's anyone else. JD said that's it. Howard said to get off this topic for one second they put a picture of Sal's boots on HowardStern.com and some people were saying they're absolutely women's boots. Howard said that one woman said her sister has those boots. Sal is wearing ladies boots. Howard said Sal could be the flower girl at the wedding.
Howard asked JD what he did when he proposed. JD said he got on one knee and said he didn't want her to go one more day without being proposed to. JD said he did blubber a little bit so he had him repeat some stuff. Howard said it's a big deal. JD said it was in the early evening around 4:30 or 5. Howard asked who he called. JD said they called the parents. Howard said they had to call her parents first because they went into shock. JD said alright again.
Robin asked if he wanted to do something bigger than he did. JD said he wanted to surprise her so he did it when he walked in the door from work. Howard said then JD followed a porn star in Instagram that same night. Howard said that makes him think that he compartmentalizes things. JD said he thinks he does that easily. Howard said he doesn't say that word easily though. JD said that's true.
Howard said that's how JD proposed. Howard said it sounds like he and Robin won't be going to the wedding. Robin said she loves it when JD tell them a story. Howard said his wedding should be on TV. JD said they did see something where you send out a link and people can watch. He said he has to go back and look at that. He said they might be able to live stream it out. Howard said he'd do that.
Robin said she has Nick's proposal from The Bachelor. Howard said he had JD at his wedding. Howard said he's not even being considered as an invite. JD told him to stop it. Howard said he might go to Montana for that. JD said there are some people they know who they wouldn't be comfortable having around Howard. He said they're not sure how they'd react to Howard. Robin said maybe don't invite those people and invite Howard. Gary asked if he's talking about not inviting people from the family there. JD said that's it.
Howard played the clip of Nick proposing on The Bachelor last night. He said that was very romantic. Robin said the show is over now.
Robin read a story about a guy who was making calls across the country to Jewish centers threatening them with bomb threats. Robin said the man was arrested and he said he was doing it to get a woman. Howard said if a woman doesn't want to be with you just move on. He said begging and stalking makes you look like a loser. Howard said it would be great if they hired that guy and did an Anti-Semitic Bachelor. Howard asked how big that show would be. Robin said she was wondering how the woman would know that he was doing it in her honor. Howard said that nut David Hinckley did that shit to impress Jodi Foster. Howard said he shot the President to impress a girl. Howard said chicks love that.
Robin said that a man survived an execution in Cleveland. Robin said that he survived but they're going to execute him anyway. Robin said he survived another one in 2009 and he has since filed a string of appeals to get out of it. Howard said Fred survived a bunch too. Howard said they can never find a vein with Fred.
Robin said they talked about the age of consent to marry in New York being 14. Howard said he read there's one state that's 13. Howard said a bunch of republicans refused to change it. Howard said there was a whole story. Robin said in New Jersey they're cracking down and making it 18. Robin said 16 and 17 year olds can marry without but under 16 they can marry with parental permission. Robin said now they're taking that off and you have to be 18. Howard said that's a good law. Robin asked who would let a 14 year old get married. Howard said Sal would.
Robin read a story about sperm donations in Florida and how they're saying some counties could have Zika in the sperm donations. Howard said everything was Zika for a few months. Robin said there may be a vaccine out there.
Robin read about the man who went into the White House lawn after jumping a fence. Robin said he had two cans of mace and he had letters about Russian hackers on him. Robin said he was recently laid off from a job. Robin said he's facing 10 years in jail for that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about President Trump trying to reorganize the executive branch. Robin said that he's signed an executive order to cut back on wasteful spending. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that.
Robin read a story about the new health care program that the GOP has submitted. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said they are saying that they want to get everyone insured but this plan would take a lot of people out. Robin had a clip of one guy saying ''Fooey'' to something and that led to Fred playing Billy West clips where he's saying Fafa Fooey and things like that.
Robin read a story about Snoop Dogg taking on the President. Robin said he has a new video out for the song Lavender and he points a gun at a clown dressed like Trump. Robin said that Snoop is frustrated with the real issues with the clown we have as president.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's happy to be home and listening to the show again. Howard said alright. The guy wasn't saying anything else so Howard asked what he's talking about. He said they're not privy to what he's up to. The caller, Billy, said that he was prescribed some medication and he had a bad reaction to it. He said he had a manic episode and he didn't sleep for several days. He was really paranoid like people were after him. He said he's a union carpenter and he's laid off too. Howard said he was on Zoloft and he got manic. Billy said he didn't sleep and he was driving around. Howard asked what kind of crazy shit he was doing. Robin said they shop and spend a lot of money. Howard asked if he did that. Billy said no. Howard asked what he did. Billy said he sent like 10 hours of emails talking all kinds of crazy shit. He said he felt like it was the funniest time of his life. Howard asked if he went away. Billy said he was in jail for 6 months. He said he thought someone was trying to hurt people and he shot the lock off the door. Robin asked if he got 6 months for that. Billy said he did. He said that he has never been in trouble in his life but he did for that. He said he spent 2 months in a 6x9 cell and then was transferred to a bigger room.
Howard asked what he did the whole time. Billy said you can read and listen to Bubba. He said that people beat off in the shower but he didn't do that. Howard asked how he listened to Bubba. Billy said you can buy a radio from commissary. Howard asked if guys came on to him. Billy said he got a foot rub from someone. He said that they have this instant coffee and people get jacked up from that. He said someone has to investigate that. Howard said he must be pretty big if no one messed with him. Billy said he's not that big. Howard said he must have a shaved head or something. Billy said it's growing back. He said that's the only hair cut you can get in jail. Howard said that's some fucking story. Howard said good to have him back home. He said he's jealous that Bubba is in the prisons and he's not. Howard said they did a survey and they found he has a 9 share with convicted murderers.
Howard asked how the food is in prison. Billy said it's horrible. He said they just let noodles sit in water until they blow up. He said they have baloney sandwiches and stuff like that too. He said it's awful.
Howard asked if he had any famous people in there. Billy said that Casey Anthony may have been there at one time. He said Hulk Hogan's son was there before he was there too. Howard asked about shitting. Billy said they had a toilet right in the middle of the room and they all had to go there. He said what you do is hang up sheets and it blocks everyone from seeing you while you take a shit. Howard asked if it stinks. Billy said you have to flush immediately. He said he was lucky because there was a dude who sent books all the time so he got to read a lot.
Howard said he wouldn't shit there for 6 months if he was in prison. He asked if guys go in and beat off in the toilet. Billy said some did talk about that. He said that some of them look at the lady prison guards and jerk off to them. Howard asked if he ever sat in a load or anything. Billy said he never did. Howard said he has to get going. He asked if any of the female guards were hot. Billy said one was. Howard said she must be tired when she goes home. She must feel it when they jerk off to her. Howard let Billy go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about a children's book author who just died and she wrote a letter for her husband about dating. Howard said he read this. He said this woman was dying and she's been with him for a long time. Robin said it was 26 years and she was dying from cancer. She wrote this letter saying that she hopes someone will meet her husband and a new love story will start. Howard said she went on to say she wants him to be happy and find love again. Howard said she has died now and Beth said that she's not writing that letter. Howard said he doesn't want Beth marrying anyone either. He said this woman was a saint. Howard said it must have killed her to write that. Howard said you're supposed to put that other person in front of you. He said when he dies Beth will be locked in a castle tower that she won't be able to get out of.
Robin read about how the divorce rate is up by 109 percent since the 1990s. Robin read some details about that study.
Robin said Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are going to try to work out their marriage. Howard said he's glad to hear that. He said she's so hot. Robin asked what that has to do with it. Howard said they have kids and she's hot so they should stay together. Howard said he's glad they are trying to work it out. Robin said they announced they were divorcing 2 years ago. Howard wondered if she's had sex with anyone in that 2 years. Howard said he would bet that Ben has. He said he's a dude. He said they don't wait a day. Howard said good for them getting back together.
Robin said the blizzard warning for New York City has been lifted. Robin said they're saying they could still get 3-12 inches. Robin read about some of the things that are being closed down in the area.
Robin read a story about North Korea warning the U.S. about taking part in drills with South Korea. Robin said they are threatening to attack if they are in their area. Howard asked if they don't know we could blow them up a million times over. Robin said they say that they're going to do all the damage they can before we can do that.
Robin read a story about Yahoo's CEO making about twice as much as the outgoing CEO. Robin said he's going to have a base salary of $2.2 million a year. Robin said Marissa Mayer is leaving with a huge pay out though. It should be worth 89 million. Robin said that's for doing not such a great job.
Robin said Tim Tebow is trying out with the Mets and he got his first hit in spring training. Howard asked if he's had sex yet. Robin asked if that's why he's so fascinating to people. Howard said he's got to be like 40 now. Robin said he's 29. She said he could be A-sexual. Howard said maybe that's it.
Robin read a story about Kiefer Sutherland on the Tonight Show last night. Robin said he's a musician and she had some audio of him talking about what it's like for him to play for people. She had some of his new album ''Down in a Hole'' too. Howard said that sounds pretty good actually. Howard said it's usually a disaster. He said it's really not that bad. He said he thinks he's trying to sound like that guy who was out a few years ago. Howard said he can't think of the guy's name. Fred said it's something Ford. Howard said that's it. Howard said he thinks he sounds like the guy in the band Everlast. Howard played one of their songs so Robin could hear it.
Robin read a story about The Who doing some shows in Las Vegas. Robin said they'll be there starting in July. Gary said that he has seen 3 The Who farewell tours. Howard said they should go to jail if they say they're retiring and they don't actually retire. He said that's false advertising.
Robin read about how an opera based on Pink Floyd's The Wall is going on up in Montreal. Robin said it's coming to the states next year. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show wondering if they're doing this again. He said yesterday he heard it's his 40th anniversary of his first radio show at WRNW. Howard said it's been 40 years. He said that's crazy. Robin said that's amazing. Howard said his entire life pretty much he's been on the radio or thinking about it. He said that's crazy. Robin said he had to be doing something. Howard said he wasn't good at anything. Robin said it could have been a lot worse.
Howard said he spent a lot of time in therapy trying not to ruin this experience. He said he thinks his psychiatrist thinks he's happy doing this but he's not happy. Robin said he doesn't feel happy about anything. Howard said time flies when you're miserable. He said it's all one big blur.
Howard said they're 2 minutes into the show and they're out of shit to talk about. He said he actually has a lot to talk about. He said someone sent him a link to Emily Ratajkowski's new DKNY commercial. He said she's in a lingerie commercial and she walks her dog in the streets of New York. He said he watched it 5 times and he hates himself for it. Howard said she's kind of talentless and she looks completely spaced out. Howard said her career is getting naked. Howard said there he is watching it. He said even the headline said Emily Ratajkowski ad is unrelateable. Howard said that's what he wants. He said no woman can relate to that body and that face. He said he liked it. Robin said that's even though he didn't like it.
Howard said it makes him wonder why he wasn't born beautiful. He said he did 40 years of radio and he had this angst of getting fired. Howard said she has none of that. Robin said she won't have a 40 year career. Howard said she will marry someone who will support her.
Robin said she saw that Megan Fox is now doing lingerie ads for Frederick's of Hollywood. Howard asked what her point is. Robin said that's her own company. She bought into the company but she still has no career except taking off her clothes. Howard said she's from Transformers. Robin said that's right. Howard said she pissed off the director. Howard said that's her one big job and she bad mouths him. Howard said people don't know what they're doing.
Howard had a clip of Shuli doing his Tanner Mom impression saying they have Adam Levine on the show today.
Howard said JD found this clip on FOX News where they say ''nothing burger'' about things that are about nothing. Like when Trump gives them something and they say that he served up a nothing burger. Howard played a clip of a bunch of people using the term.
Howard said they looked it up and they found where it's been used. JD said they used it on FOX and Friends two times in the past 2 hours. Howard asked how this happened. He said it's like vocal fry and women doing that thing with their voice. Howard said that it makes you nuts. Howard said that the Washington Post used it in a headline today too.
Howard said they say that Sarah Michelle Gellar was on a show and they said she had vocal fry. Howard said she was actually sick. Howard played a clip and she did have vocal fry but she was losing her voice from being sick. Howard said he was wrong about her marrying Freddie Prinz Jr. He thought they'd split up but they've been together for a long time.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel gave The Bachelor and his new fiancee just a couple of months before they break up. Howard said he thinks they'll last a little longer than Jimmy does.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she went to Camp Baumann and lived in Merrick. Howard said he hated Camp Baumann. Howard said he wanted to kill himself going there. He said he went to sleep away camp at 8 years old and he went to that Baumann camp. He said he was maybe 6. He said he hated the children there and he hated everything except this train you could go around in. He said they held it out like it was gold. Howard said they should have let them ride it all the time. Howard yelled at the woman, Patty, when she was talking over him. Howard said he went on that train just a few times in the 6 weeks he was there. Howard said they had a barbecue there too. He said it was one day they could have fries. Howard said he hated that experience.
Robin asked what was wrong with the kids. Howard said that the kids didn't like him even though he was very nice. He said his mom used to pack him a bathing suit and it was like a bikini bottom. Robin said it's like a speedo. Howard said you could see his dick in the bikini bottom. Howard said it's a pedophile's dream. He said no one came on to him though. Howard said every day his mom would check to see if his bathing suit was wet. He never wanted to swim. He said his mom would get upset that he didn't swim. He said she's go down and yell at the counselors. He said they'd throw him in the pool the next day.
Howard said he wasn't comfortable there. Patty said they had to take swimming tests there. She said they did it in groups. Howard said they had to test you. He said they were a bunch of fucks. He hated that Camp Baumann. Howard said his mother didn't want him home. He said she sent him there anyway. He said that he hated it but she sent him anyway.
Howard said he kept his mouth shut after his mom threatened him. He said he went to that camp and kept his mouth shut. Howard said at 8 years old he had to change his situation. He said he can't stay home at Camp Ray. He said he had to sleep out of the house. Howard said he went to sleep away camp and loved it. He said day camp sucked because he had to come home at night. He said he loved Camp Welmet. He hated Camp Baumann. Howard said he had it in for them. Howard said he's going to make a play like George Takei did with the internment camp thing. Howard said they had this train that went around and around and it was fun. He only got on it like 2 times in the summer. He said if the kids like it them just keep it going 24/7.
Howard said Patty couldn't have enjoyed the camp. She said she didn't but she did end up in the trucking business. Howard said that's not exactly a good commercial. Patty said it is. Howard asked how it led her to a trucking job. She said she likes going from one place to another. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation. Robin said she ruined his day. Patty said she knows where Howard lived. Howard asked why she knows that. She said she lived in Merrick. Howard said the whiteys in Merrick knew where not to go. Howard said he was there taking a beating for all of the white people. He said he suffered for the white man's sins. No one else.
Patty said she'll hang out with Howard in Palm Beach. Howard said she knows too much about him. He asked how old she is. Patty said she's 65. Howard asked if she's good looking. She said she is. Howard said he used to go to Merrick and dreamed that his parents would move him to a white neighborhood. He said he'd be the king of the Jews. He said they did eventually and that worked out awfully. He said all he wanted was to move to Merrick. He said he dreamed that he girls would like him if he moved there. Howard said he would sing Somewhere Over the Rainbow to get himself to sleep.
Howard said that maybe he and Patty will run into each other some day. Patty wished Howard health and happiness. Howard asked how old she was when she started giving head in high school. She said she was 14. She said she dated a 21 year old. Howard said he knows the story with these girls from Merrick. He asked if she's Patty the Swallower. Patty said no. Howard said he knew one from Merrick. He asked if guys ever ate her ass. She said she can't say that because she's in front of her boss. Howard asked if she ever experimented with anal. She said yes. Howard said he knew it. Howard let her go after that. Howard said Patty served up a nothing burger.
Howard said that Adam Levine is on The Voice. He said he was there from the beginning. He said the guys in the band were against it. Howard said the band had the biggest success ever after he was on the show. Howard said the band had a rebirth over it. He said the same about Steven Tyler.
Howard said he read that Adam gets $13 million being on the Voice. Howard said that has to lift the entire network when they have ratings as good as they do. Jon said they have to pay Blake Shelton to be on the show too. Howard said he thinks that Adam is a really cute guy and if they lose him they lose some of the young girls. He said they need a good looking guy like that. He said Blake is good looking but not as youthful looking as Adam. Howard said that Alicia Keys is about not wearing makeup but he thinks she should. Howard said she doesn't look that good without makeup. Howard said she's beautiful but she should wear something.
Howard said Blake Shelton isn't that big of a star. Robin said the people who watch that show love country music. Jon said they had Christina Aguilera on the show too so they had to pay her big money. They read that she got $17 million. Jon said that it appears that the going rate is 13 million.
Howard said they can get Carson Daly cheap. He said he read that he brings his own bag lunch because he's so cheap. Howard said he should take a break so he can stay on course. He said he has a lot to play after the break. Robin said the chemistry on The Voice between Adam and Blake is what works on that show. She said that's what she hears all the time. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said that Betty Thomas asked him to do that in Dr. Doolittle and he was like ''What? A hamster?'' and turned it down. Howard said he read the script and it wasn't a main character. Howard said he knew it would be a one off. Howard said he wanted to play a talking fish or something like that. The caller said he could see him doing a mother's voice or something. Howard said that's what he could do. He did his mother's voice. Howard said he could have played Donkey like Eddie Murphy did.
Howard said they do those cartoons and you get a good one and it's big money. He said it's an annuity where you get checks all the time. Howard said he's not doing it for nothing though. He said he wants to make good money doing that.
Howard said he loves when celebrities say they did it for their kids. Howard said they get paid $80 million to play Boner the Giraffe. Howard said he could play a vulture. He said that he'd stand on top of a rock waiting to eat something that's dying. Howard said he's available for that kind of work.
Howard said Eddie Murphy had microphones moved into his house to do the voices for Shrek. Howard said he tried watching that movie and it's horrible. He said if they came to him with that script he would have said it sucked. Howard asked if anyone knows what a Shrek voice sounds like. They told him it's a Scottish accent. Howard said he can't do that.
Howard said that he has to switch subjects. He said they have lots of listeners who like the drops that Fred plays. He said they have drops and catch phrases on the show. Howard said that very few people know the origins. Howard said next week on Sternthology they're doing a full week where they do Declassified Week. He said they'll be talking about the origins of the drops. Howard said they're over 31 million subscribers now and people want to know where the drops come from.
Howard said he has a drop that he played that was Benjy screaming. Howard asked if Robin knows where that came from. Robin asked if that's when he was fingered. Howard said everyone thought that's what it was. He said he thought it was when Perez Hilton fingered him. Howard said it's not. He said on March 5, 2014 they were talking to Benjy about his role in Sharknado 2. He said that he was talking about how he gets eaten by a shark and this is what happened. Howard played a clip and Benjy was talking about the scream he does in the movie. That's when he screamed.
Howard played a clip of Gary saying Baba Booey for the first time. Howard said they have hundreds of Baba Booey songs. Howard said that it was in 1990 when Gary said Baba Booey. He said that they created the first song parody that same day. Howard played a clip from that day when he played Baba Booey over a song.
Howard played a clip of Billy West saying ''Mama Monkey.'' Howard said that is Billy but he didn't invent the phrase. He said it was a caller from Boston in 1993 who said ''Mama Monkey'' for the first time. Howard played a clip from that day when the caller said it for the first time. Howard said it was a keeper.
Howard said Robin loves this. Robin said she does. Howard played a clip of George Takei saying ''Hey boner.'' Howard said that's George Takei and they tell you why he said that. Howard said they asked the staff where it came from. Howard played the clips of Ronnie and Gary trying to guess where it came from. Howard said it was George saying hello to a caller named Boner in 2013. Howard played the clip where he took the call and George said ''Hey Boner.''
Howard said it's going to be an exciting week next week. Howard played a clip of Robin saying ''4 inches is fine.'' Howard asked where that came from. Robin said it was about a snow storm. Howard said it was actually about Gary's kids watching shows on their phones. Robin said that 4 inches is fine because they were watching on a phone screen. Howard said that's wild. He said everyone thinks it's sexual.
Howard said that you can only deal with so much. He said that these people are a burden and they see you as the fuck. Howard said that you try to help and then you get kicked in the head. Howard said he's been around it a lot and he's the worst person to ask. He doesn't know much about addiction. He said it has to be a horrible life.
The caller said it was petrifying when he saw it going on the other night. He said he had the faucet running in the bathroom. He said it's tough. Howard said he has known people close to him who have suffered from addiction. Robin said Joey Boots died from a heroin overdose. Howard said the only thing you can do is recommend help. He said you hope he takes it.
Howard said that the most manly thing is to sit him down and tell him to get help. He said he has to do it for himself and for them. He said they're not into taking care of an adult. The caller said it's three 30 year olds in a house and it's not healthy. Howard said it's not fun or funny. Howard let the caller go a short time later. Howard said these addicts get angry with you. He said that he feels for this guy.
Robin said it sounds like a nice prize but she doesn't want vinyl. She said they were a pain in the ass. Howard said yesterday was Gary's birthday and they were ragging on him the whole morning. Howard said they had people airing their complaints about him. Robin said if you do that then you should step up and own what you're saying instead of doing it with a harmonizer on your voice. Gary said it didn't take long before someone told him who that was. Howard said he encourages everyone to do it on there because it sounds so funny.
Howard said Shuli is still bitching about Gary. He asked him what's going on. Shuli came in and said that Gary has no problem with Jason who stabs him in the back all the time. He said Gary is taking it out on him. Gary said he has a problem with Shuli because he's an annoyance. Shuli said that he helped Gary write jokes for Gotham. He said that he was funny then. Gary said it's never enough for Shuli. He said he's a greedy fuck. Shuli said that Gary was on Wrap Up yesterday talking about how he wasn't threatening someone but he's the guy who lets people on the air. He said he did threaten him. Gary said he didn't threaten him. He said that he tolerates Shuli because Howard likes him on the air.
Gary asked if he can come in. Howard said Shuli is in charge of that. Shuli said he has to stay out there. Gary said he loves the stuff that Shuli brings him. He said sometimes he'll float a joke to him and that's not his job to handle. He said that Howard will start telling a story about taking a shit and then Shuli will tell him a story about taking a shit. Howard said he's trying to clear it through Gary. Gary said they had to document how many times he was coming to him out there. He said that's how much he was in there.
Gary said that Shuli has been trying to get on the air a lot lately. He said that it's known that Shuli complains about him a lot behind his back.
Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who was using a harmonizer on his voice. He asked if they're okay. The caller said he's okay with Gary taking the lox the other day. He said there will be more opportunities for lox in the future. Howard said maybe Mindy Kaling will send them more.
Howard got back to Gary and Shuli. Shuli said Gary has always had it in for him. Gary said Shuli has been there for 10 years and they hired a Wack Packer. Gary said his drug is getting on the air. He said it's hard to tell when he has something good for the show and when it's good for Shuli. He said he's a big self promoter and sometimes he buries that under the guise of the show. He said it makes his head smoke all day. He said it's a constant on the show every morning.
Shuli said he's going to sit back there quietly from now on. Gary said maybe he should stop and think and only come to him with the good stuff and not 20 times a morning. Howard said maybe 15 of those times are good. Shuli asked why everyone else has to stop and think but Gary doesn't. Shuli said it's obvious that Gary has a problem with him. He said he's there to work and do a job. Howard said it's like the Crips and Bloods.
Gary said Shuli is a pain in the ass and he wishes other people would come forward who agree with him. Howard asked if it's true that Shuli only retweets the people who say he should be in the studio. Gary said he might. Gary said that Shuli thinks that he should be in the Artie chair. Shuli said he realized that probably won't happen and that's fine with him.
Gary said that he's not the only one who has a problem with him. Shuli said that Gary has called him off the air to scream at him.
Howard took a call from fake Mindy Kaling who went off on Gary over the lox thing. She said she sent like 10 pounds of lox to him.
Gary said Shuli is a professional victim there. He said he's always complaining about how scary talented he is and how tough things are. Shuli said he's going to stop bothering Gary from now on. Gary said it's not a bother. Shuli said that's all he's been saying it is. Howard said now he won't be able to get in the studio. Gary said yesterday things went well but now he needs more air time so he had to come in and do this today. Shuli said he heard Gary threatening or not threatening him on the Wrap Up Show. Shuli said that he throws that statement out to show his power. He said it's under the guise that he would never do this. Gary said put someone else in charge of him. He said he has lots of other things to do and taking him off his plate is a pleasure. Shuli said Gary could be licking peanut butter off his spoon.
Howard said maybe they can have JD give permission for Shuli to come in. Shuli said JD would crack under pressure. Shuli said it's cool but he's not going to bother anyone. Gary said that Shuli is a pest. Howard said it's for the good of the show though. Gary said that other people have seen what's going on. He said you have to see him in action to see it. Robin asked if a lot of what he comes to him with is rejected. Gary said yes. Robin said at some point Shuli should be able to figure out what he can get on the air.
Gary said Shuli isn't the only one who comes to him. He said the other people combined are only about half the number of times Shuli will come to him.
Howard said he hears what he's saying. Shuli said that he goes to Gary and asks him to bring up things like the Bobo 9/11 thing. He said he brought that to Gary and he put him on the air and it was great. Howard said he always told Fred to bring up every dumb thing. He said that he would bring things up and some would go nowhere but then 10 percent of it was good and it was gold.
Gary said that one thing that bothers him about Shuli is that he was going around saying he was being kept out of the studio. Shuli said that he didn't understand the situation at the time. He said Gary wouldn't even respond to him. He said he'd just put up his hand and tell him to see where it goes. Gary said Shuli talks a ton of shit about him. Shuli said that Gary does the same thing. Gary said Shuli is going to every key player on the show telling them that he's keeping him off the air. He said he's trying to go around him. Shuli said maybe it was in a meeting about Gary.
Howard said it's still Gary's job to tell Shuli if he can go in the studio or not. Gary said that's fine but he has to stop going to everyone complaining when he doesn't get on the air. Shuli said ''okay daddy.'' Howard said if you want a report on this there are people on Twitter. He said half of them are on Gary's side and half are on Shuli's side.
Howard asked if Shuli wrote the jokes for Gary for the Gotham thing. Shuli said no. He said that Gary had him look over his set and said he could throw stuff in if he wanted. He said Gary never sent it to him. Benjy went in and asked Gary if he can go in and show his cock. Gary told him to get out of there.
Gary said he didn't send Shuli the stuff because he didn't want to send it to him and then have to pay him if he had helped. He said that he thinks Shuli thinks he's way funnier than he actually is. Shuli said Gary would never know because he's never seen him do his stand up. Shuli asked if Howard thinks he's funny. Howard said he does. Howard said he wants Gary to monitor Shuli because he's good with him. He said he uses him in a way that he brings in his strongest material. Gary said he's not good with him according to Shuli. Howard said Gary says he annoys him too much. Gary said he deals with that all day long. Shuli said that the complaint he had yesterday was about him talking about stuff all day in the office that no one cares about.
Gary said he doesn't like Shuli. He said that he got to know him and he stopped liking him. He said he liked him when he first got there. Shuli said it's about time he admitted it.
Gary said Shuli still complains about him behind his back when he doesn't let him in there. Gary said that they all agree that Shuli has good stuff but he has a lot of stuff he comes to him with. Howard said that it would be great if they handcuffed Gary to Shuli. He said when they do Howard 360 they should do that. Shuli said he's in. Gary said he's not interested in that. Shuli said he should do it. He said he thinks Gary would quit. Robin said every time Shuli comes in there he pretty much hits a home run. Robin said Shuli should recognize that. Shuli said he does. He said he's eager to contribute.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like they have a great system in place and Gary is just bitching to bitch. Howard took another call from a guy who said this is brilliant. He said in 3 years and 10 months there won't be any staff left because they'll hate each other.
Howard said he doesn't like this actually. He said he's trying to hear both sides of the story. Howard said he has confidence in Gary to be the gate keeper. He said he's the head monkey in charge. Howard said he put Gary in charge and said to him to monitor Shuli. Howard said he'd be in there every 3 seconds if he didn't do that. Howard said Gary said ''Okay Boff.'' Howard said Shuli is pitching his ideas to Gary but then Gary said that Shuli is saying he's not letting him in enough.
Shuli asked why Gary doesn't acknowledge that he thanks him when he comes out of the studio. Gary said he shouldn't have to do that. Howard said he shouldn't do that. He said that's Gary's job and he doesn't have to do that. Gary said it makes him feel like there's currency for letting him come in. Shuli said he isn't crow barring in plugs. Gary said he used to plug stuff a lot. Shuli said he'd like to know when he did that. Gary said he'll pull the clips for next week. Shuli said he'd like to hear them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they need more Shuli. He said the guy is hilarious on the air. Gary said no one said he wasn't.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Shuli is an unfunny hack. He said they don't need him on the air that much. Shuli said he's surprised it took so long to get that call.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked how the show has lasted this long with the talentless Gary being the gate keeper. Howard said this may need to go to Judge Wendy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard is a genius but if he didn't want this to happen he wouldn't have let Sal and Jason come in to shit on Gary yesterday. Howard said he loves all of this. The caller said Gary is just doing his job. Howard said he agrees.
The caller asked why they don't talk about Benjy betting on things and taking things in his ass. Howard said they have thought about that. The caller said that has come up 4 times. Howard said it has. He said he tries not to think about that.
Robin said she doesn't like it when there are real fights there. Howard said he has to deal with it all the time there. He said he has a staff who wants to kill each other. Howard said he's going to say that Shuli has to go to Gary and pitch his ideas. Howard said Gary has to keep listening to Shuli. He said Shuli can stop thanking Gary for letting him go in the studio. He also told him not to walk around telling people he's not putting him on enough.
Howard said Gary has to share the lox with the team too. He said Mindy Kaling isn't just sending it to Gary. Gary didn't answer. Then he said they're all set. Gary said he's not sure who talked about the lox and if they knew how big it was. He said it wasn't all that big. Howard said Gary sees a little bit and takes it all. Howard said you see who wants some first. He said just share. Gary said he shares a lot with the guys. He said that's the shitty part about being in that office.
Gary said he took the 4 ounces of lox and split it between two days. Howard asked why he can split it but no one else can. Gary said he doesn't know. Howard thanked Gary and Shuli for that. Robin asked if the bad blood is over. Gary said no. Shuli said that he doesn't hate Gary. Howard said this is what happens when everyone is snowed in together.
Howard asked if Gary went out to dinner with everyone. Gary said he did but Shuli wasn't there. Gary said he should have been. Gary said he was irritated on his way over but then he was fine after the dinner. He said they went to a bar after trying to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. He said they were closed.
Howard asked if it's true that Jason ordered 12 plates of wings. Gary said that he ordered it for everyone. It wasn't just for Jason.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves both of them but Gary is supposed to be a leader above Shuli. He said it seems like Gary talks to Shuli in a way that's not like a leader. Shuli said he turns into a bully. Gary asked the caller if he went to work and everyone got to tell you what a douche you were. The caller said he wouldn't lash out. Gary said he doesn't know what he'd do until he got there.
Howard asked if Shuli respects Gary and if it's hard for him to go to him. Shuli said it's not hard. He said that it took him a while to get used to it. He said he understands what Gary's role is but now he feels weird about it. Gary said he put himself in that position. Shuli asked what position everyone else put themselves in yesterday.
Howard said Shuli needs to go to Gary with his ideas. He said Gary has to tolerate Shuli. Gary said he has been since he got here. Howard told Shuli to go hug and make up. Robin said they should go to dinner tonight. Gary said he's going home tonight. He said he's been in the city since Monday.
Howard said they had to get that out on the air. He said they had to air out that laundry. Howard played a few Baba Booey song parodies. He said he has a ton of them to play because they don't play them that often. Howard said he wrote Gary a note last night about what a good sport he was on his birthday. Howard said when you have a birthday around there it means that it's not going to be good. Howard said he's glad they worked this out. He said he thinks there was a clearing of the air. Robin said some of the pressure was let out of the bag.
Howard said that they're going to take a break and take a breather. Howard said Shuli is yelling about Gary in the hallway now. Gary said he just yelled about how he told him not to come back to his office after being in the studio. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard had Wolfie on the phone. He said that they sent him over to a foot worship party in New York City. Howard said that it was guys who are really into women's feet. He said that's bizarre. Howard said he doesn't understand that whole foot thing. He said the guy hires 40 girls per event and about 50 guys attend. Howard said they pay $60 each and the girls are screened to have perfect feet with high arches. Howard said most of the girls aren't in the porn industry. Howard said Wolfie said the women were beautiful. He asked how this guy is making any money. Wolfie said he supplies alcohol too so he's not sure how he makes money. The girls make money from tips.
Howard asked Wolfie about the things the girls do like crushing the guy's balls with their feet. Howard said his balls are so sensitive and he can't imagine that pain.
Howard asked if the girls are really good looking. Wolfie said they were very attractive and younger. He said they were college age and just trying to earn some extra money.
Howard played some clips and he had one where a guy was talking about how he has been caught looking at women's feet at work. He also talked about foot trampling and how that works.
Howard asked how many girls are going to be into you if you're into the foot thing. Wolfie said they may not be into them. Wolfie said that there was also this thing where guys were being smothered by women's feet and they almost pass out from that. Howard said if he was a woman he'd be telling them that his tits are up here and stop looking at feet.
Howard said this is always a fucked up guy thing. Robin said it's always a guy thing. Robin said that women just get depressed and stay in bed. Howard said that's a lot healthier than this. Howard said we make fun of monkeys and stuff but we're worse.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about how he prefers European feet. He said they have a distinct curve to them. Wolfie had him say something in Indian about feet. Howard said it seems like there's a lot of Indians that are into feet. Howard said he's never looked at a woman's feet. He doesn't care. He said he could have dated women without feet and he wouldn't notice.
Howard said that the women get paid $20 per session with the guys. Howard played a clip of a woman talking about CBT, or cock and ball torture, and what's involved in that. She talked about this guy masturbating while she stepped on his balls and flattened them. Howard said he can't even let someone touch his balls. He said he cringes when they do. Wolfie said that they're stepping on their balls with all their weight.
Howard said that Wolfie found out that some guys like to be choked by feet. Wolfie said that the heel is in the neck and they wrap around the neck and squeeze. Howard had some audio of one of the women talking about what that's like for her and the guy.
Howard said he doesn't get it. He said he just likes fucking and never gets bored of it. He said these guys must get bored. Wolfie said this was going on until 3 in the morning and he thinks the girls were tipsy by then so they may have jerked the guys off with their feet.
Gary came in and said he has a picture of a foot that guys can fuck. It was a foot with a vagina on top. Howard said women are more sophisticated than men for sure. Howard let Wolfie go a short time later. Howard said the foot thing was called a Vagankle. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Adam Levine is there. He said that he's in the band Maroon 5. He said Adam is still good looking. He said it's good to see him. Robin asked if he would really tell him if he lost his looks. Howard said he would. He said he does look good. Adam said he had to do the Today show today. He said Carson and Matt double teamed him. He said they were very close in a giant room so it was really weird.
Howard asked if he's pushing The Voice or the new single. Adam said he's not even sure. He said he has a new alcohol that he did with Sammy Hagar. Howard said he likes Sammy. He said he has some great stuff with and without Van Halen. Howard said they sold more albums with Sammy than they did with David Lee Roth.
Howard told Adam to read Sammy's book. He said it's great. Adam said he can't read. He said he gets bored. Howard said that they figured out where they came up with the name Maroon 5. Adam said he knows they don't know. He said the real reason is lame. Howard asked if he'd tell him if he was right. Adam said he would. Howard said he knows Adam in a weird way. Adam said he won't tell anyone but he has to be dead right to tell him. Howard said he went to 5 Towns college and their colors are maroon. Adam said he did but that's not it. He said that one girl there was cute and famous. Howard said that it's not even a real college.
Adam said he graduated high school with the second lowest GPA in his class. He said this year is his 20 year reunion. He said he won't be going though. He said he's said he'd never go unless it was 20 years. He can't go though. He said he didn't do well in school but he did well in life. He said he thought he was going to show up in a helicopter but he's not going to do that.
Adam said he was in a band in high school. He said they were called Cara's Flowers. He said they had a lot of different names though.
Howard asked if Jonah Hill is going to the reunion. Adam said that he only went to his school for a year before he was kicked out. He said that guy is the greatest person ever. Howard said when Jonah was there he said that Adam asked him to officiate his wedding. He said that put pressure on him. Adam said they didn't want a traditional thing. He said they wanted a beautiful mess of a train wreck. He said he and Jonah succeeded and that's shocking. He said that's beyond.
Adam said he didn't get kicked out of school but Jonah was a mess. He said he was saying to him that he had to get it together but he was very eccentric and artistic. Howard said he didn't know he was that bad that he got kicked out. Adam said he thinks he got booted. He said his school was really uptight.
Adam said he had like a 1.7 GPA in his school. He said they may have gotten him out because they liked him. Howard said his parents were cool with him because he was so passionate about music. Howard said his guitar work is amazing. Howard said he became a master. Adam said once he started playing guitar he was like fuck everything else. Howard asked if he ever regrets that. Adam said you can pretend when you're in a conversation. Adam said writing music you don't need to know much. He said you need to be free enough to be creative. He said it's borderline Tourette's. He said that some people can just come in and sound stupid and sing whatever is on your mind.
Howard said Adam has said it's harder to write as he gets older. Adam said the self sabotage helped. Howard said he wrote a song about some chick he broke up with. He played ''This Love'' and said that's the song. Adam said he hasn't heard that one in a long time. Adam said they remixed that song a million times. He said he hated it but the record company had control over it. He said that he hated it and thought he was the worst. He said he told his guitar player that it was over and it wasn't going to work. Howard said now he must like it. Adam said he does. He said he hated it back then though.
Howard asked if he wrote that himself. Adam said he and Jesse wrote it. He said he wrote the lyrics and melodies. Adam said they wrote it in like 20 minutes. He said you just have to let yourself go when you're writing a song.
Howard asked why he's wrong about the name of the band. Adam said he has to finish this story about being in high school. Adam said that they had gotten a deal with Warner Brothers before they were even out of high school. He said he was ready to go off and he was like ''fuck you world'' when he got that deal. He said he got a check for like 20 grand and he felt rich. Adam said that he had to send out tapes to record companies trying to get a deal. He said he would get his tape to anyone he could. He said he grew up in L.A. so it was easier to network out there.
Howard asked what songs were on there Adam said he thinks just one song made it on the album. He said that you have to be so self promoting when you're doing that. He said that he is more organized now.
Howard asked why he won't reveal where the name of the band came from. Adam said it's too lame. Adam said the label dropped them and he went to college so he had something to do. Howard asked if he was crushed by that. Adam said he never was. He said record companies are fucking stupid and they sucked so that's why they were dropped. Howard said record companies usually stick with you. Adam said not with him. Howard said John Mellencamp was talking about how they stuck with him even though his early stuff wasn't good.
Adam said he has a recurring nightmare. He said he Ferris Bueller'd high school. He said he waked up in a cold sweat and it's the alternative version of what should have happened in high school. He said he told his teachers he had a learning disability. He said he was supposed to go on tour after high school. He said he didn't do any class work. He said that he had one math teacher who was super cool. He said he told him he didn't want to fuck his life up. He said he knew he was going to be a successful musician some day. He said he was going to give him a C instead of an F in school. Howard said that's a nice person. Adam said he gave him a C even though he didn't answer one question on the test. He said he told him he'd make it up to him some day and sing a song about him. He said that the teacher hit him up one day and asked to come to the show. Adam said he gave him great seats and he told the story to the crowd. He said the teacher was with his whole class and it wasn't the right story to tell there.
Howard asked if he knows math. Adam said he's okay with his times tables but that's where it stops. Adam said he thinks that high school is a place where you learn how to be a human being. He said that the classes are something to warm you up to life. He said sometimes the things you learn don't apply to what you're going to do in the future.
Adam said in this dream he has he failed and had to stay back. Adam said that he went to college after the record company dropped him. Howard said 5 Towns has a good business side. Adam said that they claim that Billy Joel came there but he never did. Adam said they don't have dorms so they put you up in the SUNY Farmingdale dorms. He said he was like the only white guy there. Adam said that they were in this new world. He said he heard new music there that he'd never heard before.
Howard played a Maroon 5 song and asked if he thinks about the girl he wrote it about. Adam said it was about a friend of his who had a girl who was really fucked up. He said this is the only song he ever wrote in 20 minutes and it was done. He said he brought it on a burned CD to band practice. He said he thought that was ''the one.'' He said he knew the song was going to be big. He said some of the guys didn't like it but he didn't care. He said that was the one song he knew.
Howard asked Adam if he likes singing up high. Adam said it's tough now that he's getting older. Howard said he used to sing up high a lot. Adam said he doesn't know why he did that. He wishes they were all in lower keys.
Howard said Adam used to make videos where he's in bed with chicks. Adam said he used to do that. He said he was a kid.
Howard played some of their song ''Sugar'' where he sings up high. Adam said that Bruno Mars has the best full voice. He said he gets way up there without going falsetto. Howard said this song is hard to sing. Adam said it is but not as hard as some of the other songs where he's up high. He said they're Prince fans and that's how he approached singing. Howard said it's also a way of saying that other people can't sing your songs.
Howard said last time Adam was on he was saying that on The Voice they have to work on making big stars. Howard said he asked why The Voice hasn't produced more big stars. Howard said Adam pinned it on the record company. Howard asked if he got shit for that. Adam said he may have but he doesn't give a shit. He said that he doesn't like record companies. He said he's tried to free himself from them. Adam said they're not all bad. He said there are some good ones. Adam said that they can nurture people into thinking that these people can be stars. Howard said being a star there are so many variables. Howard said you have to have the look and be able to write songs and sing. Adam said it's tough. He said it's really hard to make it in music.
Howard asked if he likes doing The Voice still. Adam said he does. Robin said it seems like he's having a good time doing it. Howard said the band were against him doing The Voice and then they sold a ton of albums. He said that they liked it after that. Adam said that's a good choice. Adam said he didn't know what the fuck he was doing. He said the band had every right to feel the way they did. Howard said he could have come off looking like a fucking asshole. It was risky.
Adam said that Howard probably felt the same way. He said there's always a risk. He said they had to do something though. Adam said that he felt like the train was stopping and had to do something.
Howard asked Adam if this is his main thing. Adam said he tours constantly. He said The Voice is shot at home in L.A. so that works. He said the last 5 and a half years have exploded. He said he hasn't had that much time off really.
Howard said that America's Got Talent went on for days taping. Adam said the schedule is erratic. He said that they do the blind auditions and they do that for a week. He said those are from like 10am to 10pm. He said those days are gnarly. Adam said your ears are going to bleed doing that. He said you never want to hear anyone sing again after those days.
Howard asked what Adam think about Alicia Keys not wearing makeup. Adam said she is just great. He said she's too unique to even describe. He said that they have all become good friends. He said they do things together and hang out. He said he saw Alicia recently and she put on a little bit of makeup and he brought it up. He said she told him that she does whatever the fuck she wants. He said he told her he loves her for that.
Howard said they had Gwen Stefani on the show. Adam said he never thought that she'd be with Blake Shelton. He said that was a surprise. Howard said when a guy hooks up with a girl like that they stop hanging with their bros. Adam said that it's super crazy but they hang out all the time. He said it's weird to be around them because you know they're fucking.
Howard said maybe the two of them should have taken a break before getting together. Adam said he thinks it's working out great so why not. Howard asked if he's glad he doesn't have to work with his wife around all the time. Adam said he loves his wife. Howard said her name is Behati. Howard said she had a baby and she snapped right back. Howard asked how that happens. Adam said she must be like Wolverine. He said she has great genetics.
Howard asked if women are still hitting on him a lot. Adam said once he was married it was over. He said that people said being married was going to be a chick magnet but it's really not.
Howard asked if Adam has help with the baby. Adam said they do have help. He said that it's not like they're not raising their own kid though.
Howard asked if he's in therapy. Adam said he's not. Howard said he thinks that every father on the planet should be in therapy. Adam said he has a checkered history with therapy. He said he thinks he's managed to live for 38 years and he thinks he's doing pretty well. He said he still wakes up happy and he thinks that with kids they make your life great. He said he thinks he'll be alright. He said if he starts fucking up then he'll have to get therapy.
Howard said he wasn't a happy guy. He said this season on The Voice they have John Legend helping him out. He said he was up against him for an Academy award for one of his songs. He had a couple of songs that he did and talked about the movies Adam did. Howard said ''Sing Street'' is such a good movie. Howard said it was nominated for something. He said he thinks he won for something. Adam said he doesn't remember.
Howard asked Adam if he's still doing the acting thing. Adam said he's not that serious about it. He said he called Jonah when he did his first movie. He said he helped him get that job too. He said he talked to Jonah about it and Jonah told him he didn't have to learn his lines. Adam said that he didn't listen but he wanted that to be true. He said he was kind of unprepared for the movie. He said Jonah is a freak though. He said he does Jonah and he's fine.
Howard asked Adam about Jonah officiating his wedding because he was very nervous about that. Howard said Jonah claims he did the ceremony and then felt like he was going to throw up and left after 30 minutes. Adam said he didn't notice that. He said he's never seen him more nervous in his life. He said it shows they have a loving relationship. He said at the Oscars he's not nervous.
Howard said Adam was swatted by someone. Howard said that's a terrible thing. Howard said some asshole called the police and said he was abusing his wife and kid and the police came. Howard said they came to arrest him and it turns out that this is what people are doing to other people out there. Adam said that you can call in anonymously and they can't trace you or prosecute you if you're lying. He said that it was so fucking nuts because people can cause damage by doing so little. He said he was on tour so he was a wreck. He said the baby was just born weeks before. He said he heard that they had two detectives at his house. He said he was like ''Fuck you'' to the guy who did that. He said the saddest thing about the internet and social media is that you get a few bad eggs and they have too much power. He said they can get to you without that wall protecting you.
Howard said that he hates movies where people are falsely accused. He said that he hates that. Howard said then Adam has to prove that he didn't do something wrong. Adam said it was super detailed and this person planned to say what they said. Howard said they have to know stuff about your home, right? Adam said that it was detailed, creepy and bizarre. He thanked Howard for bringing that up because he had tried forgetting about it.
Howard said it's too bad they can't go and track the guy down. Adam said there should be some kind of legislation about that.
Howard asked if he got a star on the walk of fame. Adam said he did. Howard asked if he likes that. Adam said that he does. He said they make you pay for the star. Howard said he wouldn't do that. Howard said it sounds bogus when you have to buy your own star. Howard said he's not going to pay for that even if he can afford it. Adam said it's an honor because not everyone gets the offer to have one. Howard asked if the band gets pissed. Adam said they were super supportive. He said they were all there when he got it. He said his wife and child were there too. He said Blake, Gwen and Sammy Hagar were there too.
Howard said he might have to go to a party where they all hang out. He said he wants to see Gwen and Blake making out. He said he realizes that if he goes to L.A. he'd be booked for 2 days. He said he just stays in his room until he has something to do out there. He asked if he can stay in the Beverly Hills Hotel yet. He said they had the Sharia Law thing going on there. Adam said he thinks it's okay to stay there but he's not sure about that.
Howard said just his luck he'd go and he'd find out that you're not supposed to stay there. Adam said that there are reasons not to stay anywhere if you look into it deep enough.
Howard asked where the best places are to go in L.A. He said he was in bed by 6:30 last night. He said the wind was howling but he was in bed snoring. Adam said if he was able to go to bed that early he'd be up by 9:15. He said he'd be up just wondering what the fuck to do now. Howard asked what they would do in L.A. if they went out. Adam said that 7:30 to Midnight are the hours that things are happening. He said that they could go to dinner. He said he'd take him to a good dinner at some private place. Howard asked if they want to be seen. Adam said no. He said that they'd go to a private place and go in through the back. He said they'd sit in the back too. He said they have a booth in the kitchen at this place he knows. Howard asked if they'd go to a club or something too. Adam said he used to go to a place where they served Guinness and it was the real stuff. He said his wife is actually better at partying than he is. Howard asked if she'll dress hot. Adam said she will be classy hot.
Howard gave Adam some plugs for the new single that Maroon 5 has out. Howard said he's also on The Voice on NBC. Howard had the new single to play too. Howard just played it. Howard said he goes high on this. Adam said this is good. Howard let the song play for a short time.
Adam asked if he has been back since the birthday party. Howard said he thinks so. He said that was so great. Howard said Adam did Purple Rain and that was great. Adam asked if he can believe they lost him. Howard said it's hard to believe. Adam said a friend of his sent him a picture of him at his place in L.A. that he was leasing. Howard said that he was a recluse but he'd have parties. Adam said that Prince thought that everyone else was weird. He said that he was such an enigma that you never knew where you stood with him.
Adam said he invited friends over to his house to just hang and jam. He said he sent out a mass text to his music playing friends. He said he barely remembers who he blasted it out to. It was a short list though. He said he had just met Prince at the House of Blues or something. He said he Prince ends up coming to this party. He said that he had invited Salma Hayek to the party. Adam said Salma was close to Prince. Adam said she brought Prince to the party. He said she told him Prince was coming over. Adam said there were only about 15 people there so it wasn't much of a party.
Adam said he wasn't going to say no to Prince but he didn't know how it was going to be. He said it was as if they were in a movie where Prince shows up and takes over. He said Prince walks in with his band and says ''Mind if we play?'' Adam said that all of his stuff is in his living room and it's a small place. Adam said they just start playing and rip into it. He said he's a kid at the time and Prince just launches into it. He said he's bringing down his house with the walls shaking. Adam said they were using their shitty gear that he had in his apartment. He said something breaks and he hears his guitar falling apart. He said Prince stops them and comes over to him and says ''Lets go to my house'' and has them all go to his house at 2 in the morning. Adam said they all went to his house and he had a huge ballroom style setup. Adam said he was like 19 at the time. He said they hung out and Prince played his entire record. Howard asked how long he was there. Adam said they were there a few hours. Howard said that's the musician lifestyle. Adam said that Prince just cared about the music.
Howard asked if Adam can go months without playing. Adam said not at this point. He said that he plays guitar a few times a week. He said he has to play. Howard asked if Prince's house was decorated strangely. Adam said it's just what you'd expect. He said it was post symbol but he had them all over the house.
Adam said that Prince changed his address. He said it was some other address and made it 3121 to match his record. Howard asked if you can do that. Adam said he did it and he was leasing the house. Howard said it must be important to him. Adam said you wonder where the house is when he tells you the address.
Howard thanked Adam for the vinyl giveaway they're doing. He said that Gary was talking about that 180 gram vinyl earlier. Adam said he has to get that for Gary. He said he's so used to his voice and he forgets that it's him. He said they really ripped into Gary yesterday. He said that vinyl is a nostalgia thing and it has vibe. He said he understands why they fetishize it. He said if you put a CD on it sounds rich and warm. He said that an MP3 sounds shitty. He said that the richness with vinyl is better. He said it's a cool thing to shift your perspective on it. Howard said you can win a box set of their albums on HowardStern.com
Adam said the one thing that bothers him is the ''piece if vinyl'' saying. He said just don't say that. Howard told Adam to give his wife his best. He said that she's so thin and delicate. Adam said she's had the flu lately. He said that he's a husband and a dad now. He asked if Howard can believe that. Howard said it's hard to believe.
Adam told Howard that his parents divorced at 7 and he cried for the first night. He said he remembers that moment. He said he was fine after that. Adam said his parents insisted he go to therapy. He said the therapy made him need therapy. He said this guy's name was Howard and he was this nebish fucking guy who he had to see for a month and a half every Wednesday. He said the guy kept saying it wasn't his fault and he could be mad at his father. He said he knew it wasn't his fault and he wasn't mad at his father. He said by the end he knew the way he could get out of it was saying he was mad at his father. He said they brought his dad in and they said he could hit his father with this Nerf-like bat and he barely tapped him with it. He said that the guy said he was cured after that.
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Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard asked if Underdog has calmed down. Underdog said she's siding with Mr. Shuli and Gary is a horrible wretch. Howard said that Underdog was there recording lines for some stuff and she got stuck in the city so she's going to be producing the show since she did such a good job last time.
Robin started her news with a story about a study done on brain scans figuring out if someone is likely to commit a crime. Robin said one of these days they might be able to figure it out ahead of time.
Robin read a story about police in Arizona being called to a home for domestic violence and when they got there they encountered a woman and her husband who were both arrested for domestic violence. Robin said the man said he has video they should see. They found video of the wife making love to the family dog. Robin said she was arrested for bestiality. Howard asked what the hell is going on. Robin said she was in love with the family dog. Howard asked Underdog where the clips are for the show. Underdog freaked out saying she can't find them. Howard asked if Underdog is in the kitchen because there's all kinds of things falling. She was still freaking out.
Robin said that the character SpongeBob SquarePants was created by a guy named Stephen Hillenburg and he's announced he has ALS. Howard said that's the worst. Howard asked how old he is. Robin said he's 55. Robin said he's going to continue working on the series as long as he can. Robin said it's been airing since 1999. Robin said ALS leads to loss of muscle use.
Howard asked Underdog how she's doing back there. She said Howard has the nose of a Christ killer. She started singing again in Latin. Howard asked if she'd sing a traditional Christmas song to them. Underdog was freaking out again. Robin told him to leave her alone.
Robin read a story about Mischa Barton believing that she's the victim of revenge porn. Robin said a sex tape of her is being offered for sale. Robin said that she was seeing someone and this sex tape is some sort of assault. Robin said the tape is being shopped around for a cost of $500,000. Howard said he will not masturbate to that. He said he didn't look at the stolen pictures of Jennifer Lawrence. Robin said he did watch the Pam Anderson tape. Howard said he did but he didn't masturbate to it. He said something was up with that tape. He said he was much younger then too. Robin asked about the Kim Kardashian tape. Howard said he may have seen that but didn't masturbate to it. Howard said there was a story about them being behind it or something.
Robin said she thinks they have a good team on Saturday Night Live for the Weekend Update. Robin said they're going to bring the news to prime time this summer. Robin said they'll be doing it at 9pm on NBC in August.
Robin read a story about a teenager in Florida who killed herself on Facebook. Robin said they're saying that she may have been egged on by her birth mother. Robin said the mother watched the live feed and she insulted her daughter in comments. Howard said he can't imagine that. Robin said the mother used an alias sending notes to her duster according to reports. Robin said that the child was living in a foster home at the time she hung herself.
Robin read a story about a drinkable sunscreen. Robin said they're being sued over misleading claims. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they had to ask Underdog to leave. There was too much pressure on her. Howard said they now have a woman named Betty sitting in producing the show. Howard said hello to Betty who had severe vocal fry. Robin laughed. Howard said she doesn't know that she has vocal fry. Howard said all she has to do is press the button and speak into it. Howard asked how the job is going back there. Betty said Benjy's penis is so gross. She did the vocal fry thing dragging out her words. She said she saw Adam Levine and he was so hot. Howard told Robin not to tell her about her vocal fry.
Robin got back to her news and read about this being March Madness. Robin said that it's the college basketball brackets thing. Howard said Gary and the guys are into that. Robin said that President Trump has refused to fill out a bracket. Howard said good. He took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression and talking about the brackets. Sour said that Shuli has been in his office ''noine'' more times. Sour even did an impression of Jim McClure. Robin asked who ever thought there would be a Jim McClure impression. He said that's amazing.
Robin asked Howard what he sees when he sees a black man. Howard said he sees a man who is equal to a white man. Robin said that shows that he doesn't see equality. Howard said he does see equality. Howard asked Betty what she thinks. Betty asked who Jim McClure is. Howard said she should learn who is back there. Robin read about this perception of men based on their color and how black men are considered stronger than they are at times.
Howard asked if he should tell Betty she has vocal fry. Robin said maybe he should. Howard asked Betty if she thinks her voice sounds odd. Betty said Robin's voice sounds kind of off today. She said she should try dragging things out more. Howard asked if she was on The Bachelor. Betty said she was a contestant and she wants to stay in a hot tub her whole life.
Robin read about a Donald Trump tax return that was leaked yesterday. Robin read that he had made $150 million and paid only $38 million in taxes. Robin said they're saying that Trump may have been the leaker. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how Trump does things his own way. Betty said she has two words for them. She said ''Fake news'' and dragged it out with the vocal fry. Rachel had Howard cracking up with the vocal fry. She was making weird noises and made Howard and Robin both laugh. Howard asked if she's okay. Betty said no and asked what's happening to her.
Howard said JD asked him to make a point that they have to stop with the Nothing Burger phrase and on FOX News they used it 5 times this morning. Howard said someone there has to be telling them to use it. Howard played some clips of them using that phrase. Howard asked what's going on over there. He said it's not a good phrase to use. He said it's lame.
Robin read a story about president Trump lashing out at Snoop Dogg after he made a video where he holds a gun to a clown that looks like Trump. Robin said that Trump said if he had done that for Obama he would have ended up in jail. Robin had some comments from Ted Cruz who hadn't seen the video but thought it was in poor taste. Robin had Marco Rubio talking about that video as well. He said you have to be careful with something like that.
Robin read a story about Sean Spicer defending the GOP health care plan. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said that guy is fun to watch because he seems so angry all the time. Howard said he appears to be nervous too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more news about what President Trump is up to with the EPA. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Howard asked about Betty and if she's for that stuff. She said she's for fucking Memet and stepping on his balls with her high heels.
Robin read a story about Jordan Peele making history with his movie ''Get Out.'' Robin said he's the first black writer/director with a $100 million debut.
Robin read about Nick the Bachelor who is in engagement limbo. Robin said for the past two years the couples have not married. Howard said it kind of breaks the fantasy for them when they don't marry. Betty said that woman is a nothing burger. She said JD should have a nothing burger for lunch too.
Howard said that Lenny Dykstra has a St. Patty's day message for Robin. Howard played that for her. Lenny was saying that he wants to be eating that black pussy when everyone else is eating corned beef and cabbage. He told her to hop in the sack with him and fuck. Betty said that's gross.
Robin read a story about the marine scandal where they posted pictures of female military personnel on Facebook. Robin had a clip of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Ben Affleck having announced that he spent a stint in rehab for alcohol abuse. Robin had some details on what he's said about that.
Robin read a story about it being National Kick Butts day. Robin said it's the day to quit smoking. Robin sad it was started in 1996. Betty asked Robin to hurry it along. Robin said she's trying.
Robin read a story about Warner Brothers developing a reboot of The Matrix. Robin said they're working on a new version of the 1999 hit movie. Howard asked why they would do that. Robin said they won't get better than Keanu Reeves.
Robin read a story about Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds being memorialized on March 25th in a cemetery where they were buried. Robin said Carrie's brother announced that. Robin said that it's a first come, first served kind of thing.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Today's replay show was over around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.