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Howard started the show talking about how it's an extravaganza today. He said they have a big show. He said they have Bono and The Edge from U2 coming in today. Howard said he's really looking forward to that. He said they have a new album. He said he was sitting and thinking about what to talk to them about. He said he could do 12 hours with them. Howard said they're coming in with an acoustic guitar and Bono will sing a bit. Howard said he likes that singing through the megaphone thing. He said he sounds better doing that himself.
Howard said he's going to get you excited for them coming in. Howard said he'll play some of their songs. Howard asked Fred to turn off his song. Howard played some of U2s stuff. He went through a bunch of their classic songs. Howard said the first time he heard of them was with ''Sunday Bloody Sunday.'' He said the hits just kept coming after that. Howard played a bunch of their hits. He played song after song. He said the hits just keep coming.
Howard said his favorite might be ''Beautiful Day.'' Howard said he saw them on Saturday Night Live and they put on a concert on Friday on the streets of New York. Howard said he was watching that. Howard was still playing their hit songs as he was talking about that. Howard said there are so many more. He said he was immersing himself in U2 over the weekend.
Howard said he was walking through the park hoping he'd warm up. He said he was going to take some pictures. He said he saw this dude who looked old to him. He said he seemed like an old dude. He said they have tables outside the chess house. He said they don't have it open. He said it would be nice if it was open on a cold day. He said they could have had it open. He said one guy was in there working on a computer. He said he'd donate to the Central Park Conservancy if they did. Howard said some guy asked him to play outside. He said maybe it was open because the hours are 10 to 5. He said this was around 10.
Howard said the guy asks if he wants to play outside. He said it's on an outdoor table. He said he had a plastic set that he plays on. Howard said he told the guy he's not real good. He said he knows how to move the prices. He said the guy asked him to play. Howard said he didn't know who he was and didn't seem to care. Howard said he has played a million times but he's not sure how to set up the pieces properly. He ended up playing. He said he sat down and he was freezing. Howard said the guy set up the pieces and he asked how much time they have for moves. He said the guy told him a minute. He had rules for touching and moving. He said if you touch the piece you have to move it.
Howard said this guy had rules. He said he was getting nervous playing. He said the guy had a lot of rules. He said this went on for about an hour and some people saw him playing and he thinks someone recognized him. He said some kids were playing around there and the guy asked them to quiet down. Howard said he knew the guy was serious. He said the guy had no problem mouthing off. Howard said he had some squirrels around his feet too. He said he was afraid of the because they can have rabies. Howard said it turns out the guy feeds them. Howard said he has food or something in his bag.
Howard said this guy was a tournament player or something. He said the touch move thing is part of that. Howard said the guy thought he was playing a lot of good moves so that was nice. Howard said he was freezing and wasn't going to play anyone else. He said some guys wanted to play the winner. Howard said they ended up coming to a draw. He said at the end of the game it was a dead draw but the guy thought he had the advantage.
Howard said now he thinks he's going to get a cold from sitting outside. Robin said he seems fine. Howard said he got annoyed with himself because he was shivering the whole time. He said the guy caught him with a tactic because he was distracted. Howard said he was down a pawn from that. He said he did manage the draw though.
Robin said she can get him a chess set for Christmas. Howard said don't do that. He said he'll throw it away. Howard said she got him a book and it's really thick. He said it's a self help book called ''Principles: Life and Work'' and its huge. Howard said it's a lot of book.
Robin asked if they're going to take down Matt Lauer's picture or taking down the curtain. Howard said he didn't think about it the whole weekend. Robin said Matt has admitted guilt. Howard said they just put a Post-It note up over his face.
Howard said Fred loves U2. Fred said he does. He said he can't act like a groupie. Howard said he has to talk about why he loves them so much. Fred said they created their own sound. He said that The Edge is knocked for the way he plays but he created his own sound that no one else does. Howard said that's true and a keen observation. Robin said there is a unique sound to the band. Howard said he's going to give too much of this away if he keeps talking about this. Howard asked Fred how many times he's seen them in concert. Fred said just once. He said it was a great show. He said it was the Achtung Baby tour. He said this was a balls to the wall glitzy show. Howard asked if he sings along to the songs. Fred said not once. He said Bono is the singer and he should sing.
Robin said in their songs they have a lot of opportunities to sing. Fred said they do have anthems but you don't have to sing. Howard said just keep quiet in a concert. Fred said they love the fans too.
Howard said he should talk about this. He picked up on Bobo. He said the guys love fucking with his head. He said they did a sting on Bobo. Howard said Bobo sent a pornographic video to Shuli. He said he sent him this video of some girl laying on a bed and she's shooting tiny basketballs out of her ass. He said it's like a woman giving birth. Howard said Bobo doesn't know the difference between an ass and a vagina because he thinks it's coming out of the vagina. He said it's coming out of her asshole though.
Howard said the guys told him this was real and not trick photography. Howard said they called Bobo from the H.R. department there and told him he was in trouble for sending those videos.
Howard played a clip of the phony phone call where they had a woman call Bobo saying she was from H.R. and how Shuli got some video on their server there. Bobo said he didn't know it was going through their servers. The woman told Bobo that they had to take action on Shuli. Bobo said it's just stuff that guys look at. The woman asked if Howard was involved too because they have to take action on him too. Bobo freaks out and wants to do something to put an end to this. The woman tells him it's not a negotiation and hangs up.
Howard said Bobo freaked out about that whole thing and then Gary calls him saying that Howard got a call from H.R. about this video and he's freaking out over it. Bobo explained to Gary what he did and explained what he sent. He said the girl was on all fours and she was shooting the stuff out of her vagina. Howard stopped the clip and told him she was laying on her back and shooting them out of her ass. Howard said Bobo was the one who brought up his name in that clip too. Bobo said he thought the woman did it. Howard said he did it. Bobo said he didn't mean to ''implement'' Howard in that.
Howard played more of Gary goofing on Bobo about the video and telling Bobo that everything is under a microscope now and they have to be careful with this stuff. Gary told Bobo that he has to stick with the story that it's him in the video and it's all Bobo. Bobo agreed. Howard said Bobo is going to take the hit for that even though it's a woman in the video. Howard said they were going to call Bobo today and see if he stuck with the story. Bobo said he was going crazy. He said he thought he did something wrong. Howard said he started to freak out that he hadn't picked up on him in a few weeks. Howard said then Bobo starts leaving voicemails for Will asking what's going on with H.R.. Howard played that clip and Bobo was telling Will that Gary called him even though Gary asked him not to talk to anyone about this.
Howard played more audio of Bobo asking what's going on over there. He said his holiday is ruined. He said he didn't know that opening that stuff in the ''compines'' of the Stern Show would cause this.
Howard said Shuli opened that video when he was with his wife and kids. Howard said he didn't know what it was. Bobo said his wife gave him a hard time about it too. Howard asked how Bobo gets through life with the lack of a command of the language. Howard said he said he didn't ''implement'' him. Howard said he mentioned the ''compines'' thing too. Howard said he stopped the goof because he sounded like he was going to have a heart attack. Bobo said he thought Shuli was going to get fired. Howard said Shuli opened it and said they have to goof on him for this. Howard said that's what happens.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Bobo is dumb and he just has to hang up. He said he's ruining his morning. Howard said he will play a song parody and then hang up on him. Howard played a song parody about Bobo and his shitty toupee. Howard went to break after that.
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Nick asked what Roy Moore even did. Howard asked if he has ever been banned by a mall. Nick said he's not a toe tapper. Howard asked what that is. Nick said that's the guys who want to meet other guys at the airport. Howard said he's a weirdo. Howard said the people in Alabama are disgusting if they vote Roy Moore in. Howard said they should put everyone who votes for him on a boat and drown them. Howard said these women are republicans and they're saying he's a bad dude. Howard said even if you don't believe his accusers just look at what he did as a judge. Howard said he said ''fuck the constitution.''
Nick said once Howard's wife leaves him he'll be back to throwing baloney at women's asses. Howard said listen fuck face. He said he didn't have to attack him personally. He said he's not going to talk to him anymore, cunt bag. Howard said he wishes that guy would come in so he could throw baloney at his ass.
Howard said never let that guy call in again. He said he hates him. He said he hates people. Howard said if you feel good about Roy Moore there's something wrong with you. He asked what happened to these religious people. He said they're throwing their principles out the window.
Robin said that this abortion stuff is very selfish because it's all about them getting into this heaven thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that guy Nick was a real dick head. Howard said he was. Howard asked how you understand people voting for Roy Moore. Howard said he doesn't fucking care. He said he's just a fucking asshole anyway. Robin said you can't have an opinion. She said they just can't let Howard have an opinion.
Howard said he's wondering what happened to Donald. Robin said the republican party is out of control. Howard said they've forgotten what's right and wrong.
The caller said he things what Matt Lauer has done is a lot worse than what Mel Gibson did. Howard said Mel is a fucking dick. Howard said all of this stuff is bad. The caller asked if he would rather have Mel yell at his daughter or have Matt do what he did. Howard said Robin can put people in a pecking order.
Howard had a list of these guys accused of sexual stuff and people like Mel Gibson. Howard said they did weird stuff on the air but he thinks they did it in a safe way. Howard said they didn't do it off the air. He said it was all on the air. Howard said they have to get down to it. Howard said Gary is by the board and he has the names up there.
Robin said this is going to be hard to pick. Howard said Al Franken should be at the bottom of the list for allegedly kissing and groping a woman. Robin said it's not about the act it's about the intimidation. Robin said he was never in charge of any of these people. Howard said he appreciates that but they have a long list to get through. Robin said she's putting Al at the bottom of the list too.
Howard said that Cosby or Weinstein have to be at the top of the list. Howard said what Cosby did by knocking people out is really wrong. Howard said what Harvey did by making women look at him showering is gross. Robin said they don't have Roger Ailes up there. Howard said he's dead now. Gary said Kevin Spacey's name came up because some of the guys were kids. Howard said that he's going with the top of the list. He said he's going with Bill Cosby. He said he allegedly raped women. Robin said what about the children. Robin said Kevin's accusers were under age. Howard said this is tough.
Howard said Benjy has a strong opinion about this. The caller said Benjy may be on that list. Howard said he could be. Howard said Matt Lauer shocked him over the weekend.
Benjy came in and said he has an opinion on all of these guys. He said that anyone who didn't forcibly do anything should be at the bottom. He said Al did something forcibly. Howard said they all did. Benjy said no they didn't. He said James Toback was offering movie roles. Howard said he knew this was a bad idea. Howard said he doesn't know what it is but he has to get out of this. He told him to make a list and mail it to him. He said put Benjy on that list. Benjy asked if he's serious. Howard said he is. Howard told him to get out. Howard said he doesn't care anymore. Benjy asked why he treats him like that. Gary said Benjy starts his own thing. Benjy said that's fucking bullshit. Howard said whatever direction he goes he irritates him. He said it's the way he talks. He said it's like banter. He said this is a stupid bit anyway. He said he's taking it seriously.
Howard told Benjy to take over now. He said he's worn him down. Benjy said he's going down the list. He said Bill Cosby is at the top of the list. Howard said they already did that. Benjy said that Kevin Spacey was with younger guys allegedly but it was consensual. He said it should be illegal and it is wrong. Robin said you can't say it was consensual.
Howard said he was going to do this with Robin. He said somehow Benjy took over. Howard said Benjy is carrying his wallet contents in a Ziploc bag. Benjy said it works better for him. He said it fits better.
Howard said he's going to end this. He said Benjy took over that whole bit. He said he can't just hang out. He said he dominates. Howard said he wanted to include the caller in this bit but he can't do it.
Howard said he thinks he wants to bail on this whole thing. He said he's just bummed out by it. Howard said he lost interest. The caller said F-Ronnie. Howard thanked him and let him go. Howard played a song parody about Benjy.
Gary asked Howard to rank Louis C.K., Bill O'Reilly and one other. Howard said he wants Bill up at the top because he's always so smug. Howard said that guy thinks he's doing him a favor putting him on his show.
Howard said Wood Yi is upset that Robin mentioned his name. Howard picked up on the guys in the back playing clips of Wood Yi defending Roy Moore. He said he would tell him ''Not before me'' if he wanted to date him. He said he's not sure what the big deal is about what Roy Moore did. Howard said he just brought the show to a complete halt. Howard spent a little more time talking to Wood Yi before he let him go.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she doesn't get why he keeps having Benjy in the studio. She said he brings the show to a halt. Howard said he thought that it might work. He said he thought maybe this time he'd be good. Then he fucks it up every time he comes in. Gary said his point is never succinct. He said that he could get it out and be done but he keeps going. Howard said he could keep it short. He said it becomes a filibuster.
Howard said he was going to go with Al Franken at the bottom of the list and then Louis C.K.. He said that he's not even sure what Jeffrey Tambour did. Robin said two transsexuals say he made approaches to them and rubbed on them. Howard said that he's putting him on the bottom of the list then. Howard said Harvey Weinstein is below Bill Cosby but Cosby is at number 1. Howard said he was going to have Charlie Rose up there just to have him up there. Robin said he had his own place where he'd get naked and women would come in. Howard said no one wants to see an 80 year old's balls. Howard said he must have pretended that he was going to take a shower. He said someone wrote him a note about that. Howard said that's some trick to have. Howard said the guys told him that's what his colleagues would call it. He said he doesn't care about this list anymore. He said it's too hard. Howard asked how you rate people's weirdness. Robin said you can but then you have to figure out what's weirder than what.
Gary said there are just a few more on the list. Gary put Kevin Spacey in third. Howard said he's not sure what Bill O'Reilly did and paid for to keep quiet.
Howard said Gary has a list now. He went through the list and Bill Cosby was still at the top of the list. Howard said Cosby is coming in to accept this award because he hasn't gotten anything lately.
Howard said Cosby isn't even in the news anymore. Howard said these guys should all start a club. Robin said that must be what's going on in the rehab centers. Gary said Harvey Weinstein was in a rehab with Kevin Spacey.
Howard picked up on Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression talking about Howard hanging out with Charlie Rose years ago. He was rambling like Gary so Howard hung up on him. Howard thanked Gary for the list. He said they appreciate it.
Howard said Benjy wants to come back in to dispute the list. Howard had him come in. He said he can only spend a minute on this and then he has to take a break. Howard asked Benjy to do it quick. Benjy said he can. Howard asked what he has to dispute. Benjy wasn't sure what the list was. He asked if it was the creepiest guy or what. Howard said they don't know.
Benjy asked what's going on with Howard lately. Howard said Benjy is his problem. He went to break and gave up on the whole thing.
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Howard said Jeff was bragging about how he masturbates for these women on Periscope and he told him to use his head because they're guys. Howard said they're catfishing him. Jeff said yeah. Howard asked where Shuli is. Howard said he called some of these so called women and sure enough they're guys. Jeff said he's talking about the footage he sent last week. Howard asked Shuli what's going on. Shuli said in this one instance this is a woman. He said she is in the business of showing videos of herself. He said she's on Periscope. He said she sees how many followers he has and how many hearts he has and she's trying to drum up business.
Shuli said this goes back years but guys have been contacting him over the years about this stuff and they're dudes. Jeff said that's bullshit. He said that they 'scope him.
Howard said just listen to this guy Mike who claims to be one of his girls. Howard played the clip and this guy Mike said that he was told he was going to send him a picture of his cock hanging out and he sent it. He said he deleted it. He said he was saying he was a nice girl and he didn't want to see it. He said he kept sending the pictures to him. He said that he'd delete them. Mike said it's hard to look away from this stuff. He said it's nasty.
Jeff said that guy is a lying troll. Shuli said it's under his wife's account. Jeff said play the tape of the French chick. Howard said this girl on the phone claims that he jerks off to him. Howard picked up and the guy said that Jeff knows who his personality is. Shuli said this guy he's talked for 3 years. He said that guy's name is Jenna. The guy said that Jeff made him the queen of his stable. Howard said Lenny is Jenna. Jeff said this is bullshit. Howard said this is what he's trying to tell him. Jeff said fuck you Howard. Howard said he's the only one telling him the truth. Jeff said it's fucking bullshit. Howard said he's his friend. Jeff said that this is bullshit and fuck you Howard. Howard said just listen to Lenny. Jeff told Howard to just listen.
Howard asked Lenny about what he has done with Jeff. Lenny told Jeff about something that went on between then and Jeff said this is bullshit. Howard said nothing is going to work.
Shuli said there's a nurse he talks to regularly and a guy emailed him about being the guy who talks to Jeff as the nurse. Jeff said he doesn't give a fuck. Shuli was telling the story and Jeff was screaming over him. He said they're fucking delusional. Howard said Natalie is a room full of guys goofing on him. Jeff asked about Natalie from Australia. Shuli said she was real but Jeff didn't close the deal with her.
Howard asked Lenny about this thing he was doing with Jeff. Jeff said they're all fucking trolls. He yelled out ''fuck you'' a bunch of times and hung up. Howard asked why he's so angry and doesn't want to know the truth.
Howard asked Lenny about what he's gotten into with Jeff. Lenny said Jeff has wanted to jerk off in front of him. He said that he had his wife's sister get on and do it with Jeff. He said he had her say hi to him and that's all he needs. Howard asked if was on his keyboard while he jerked off. Lenny said he can prove it. Howard asked why he's spending so much time with this. Lenny said that he was out after having surgery and he had time. Lenny said that Jeff blocked him so he had to go out and do this to him. Shuli said this happens a lot. He said guys get blocked and they make it their mission to goof on Jeff and this is how they do it.
Shuli said there are guys who don't want to give up their story because they want to keep doing this stuff. Lenny said that he doesn't have time to do it anymore. Howard thanked him for being honest.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's going to hell but she thinks that the Matt Lauer story is a little bit sexy. Howard asked her what she's talking about. The caller said that if Matt calls you into his office and has his way with you and it's so intense that you pass out... Howard asked if Robin is turned on by that. Robin said no. Howard said its sort of a 50 Shades of Grey kind of thing. Howard said that may have been Matt on the phone.
Howard said that Jeff is back on the line. Jeff said that guy only called to get on the show. He said that was his only reason. Shuli said he talked to that guy. Jeff was screaming over Shuli. Howard said Jeff is the worst caller. Jeff said he hopes Shuli dies. He was screaming at him. Howard said he's jerking off at these guys and he's just exposing them. Jeff said Howard is wrong. Howard said he's not wrong. He said these guys have very convincing facts. Shuli said he's sure he has jerked off to women. He said that no one is saying he hasn't. Howard said jerking off on Periscope is so sad. Howard said he's bragging like it's sex. Howard said even if he gets a girl he's jerking off over a computer.
Howard said he has a girl who claims she does do this with Jeff. Jeff said this is fucking bullshit. Howard picked up and had the fake girl on the line. Howard said her name is Suzanne. Jeff told Shuli to never ever call him again. The fake girl was trying to talk but Jeff was screaming over her.
Gary said Jeff had time to go on Periscope and yell about Howard while he was off the line. Howard had a clip to play. Jeff was going off on Howard and saying that was all fake and not true. He said listen to the fucking show to his followers. Howard asked why Jeff is so angry. Howard said you can't even have a conversation with him.
Shuli said that he did say that the French girl is real. Howard said he's acting like she's his girlfriend though. Shuli asked if he sent a chick a chicken Emoji asking if she wanted to see his cock. Jeff said he did sent it over. Shuli said that was a guy he sent it to. Howard said his name is Mike. Howard had this guy Mike on the phone and Mike claims that he would go on and get blocked and then he started doing this stuff. He was trying to explain himself but Jeff wouldn't stop yelling. Howard said this Darcey chick is actually Mike. Jeff hung up again. Howard asked how long he's been on with Jeff. Mike said it's been like 2 months. He said he called him Jeffrey and he loved that. Howard asked why he's so angry. He said he has to hear the truth. Shuli said he has a fantasy that he has a stable of women. Shuli said this guy Mike says that the most disgusting thing he's seen is Jeff eating. Mike said his dog has more manners.
Mike said he wanted to keep Jeff on the hook so he asked his wife to show a nipple. He said he was using the excuse that he was working 70 hours a week. He said he told him that he spilled soda on her shirt and Jeff wanted to see it. He said his wife is cracking up at all of this. He said he was going to take a shot of his nipple and send it but he has hair on his chest. He said Jeff called him a bitch so he put him in a time out.
Shuli said that Jeff sent a chicken Emoji to this guy and asked if he wanted to see his cock. Mike said that he will send Shuli all of the screen shots from that conversation.
Shuli said he's not looking go fuck over Jeff. He said these people come to him. Howard said maybe they shouldn't tell Jeff this stuff. Robin said it does make him happy so maybe don't tell him.
Howard said they have a Christmas Special coming up this year. He said that Lenny Dykstra and Ronnie do some stuff in it. Howard said you can imagine what it's going to be. Howard played a clip of Lenny and Ronnie doing this play together. They sang Christmas sex songs together. Howard said this is coming up very soon. He said they'll have a lot of great moments like that. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Bono and The Edge from U2 in the studio. He said look at him sitting there with Bono and The Edge. He said now he's arrived. Howard said they make him nervous. Howard said they're big stars. He said it's cool to have them there with the acoustic guitar. Bono said that they're proof that video didn't kill the radio star. Howard said video broke U2 back in the day. Bono said that he did have a mullet back then but some great things like MTV came out of the 80s. Howard said he did have a mullet but does anyone come to him and tell him to lose it. He asked if The Edge asked him to do that. Bono said he would take advice from The Edge. He said he once told him that a man should not have hair that looks ironed. Howard said he has bad hair himself so he can't talk about that.
Howard asked the guys if they really like each other after all these years. Howard said the main guys in The Rolling Stones hate each other. Howard said they can't be in the same room together. The Edge said it is mysterious to them. He said that it comes back to the fact that they were friends before they were even in a band. The Edge said they found their place in the band early on. He said they know they excel and they do the best when they're in a cooperative way.
Bono said that you never pick a fight with a man whose career is using his hands to make a living. Bono said that he and The Edge had a fight on stage once. He said their drummer stopped in the middle of the show. Bono threw the drums when Adam was adjusting them in the middle of the show.
Howard asked about Bono getting upset and he goes over and hits the drums with his microphone. Bono said that they were trying to impress The Talking Heads and he just lifted up the drums to expose that he was hiding behind them. He said he was actually fixing his pedal. He said he has rage issues.
The Edge said Larry fled and Bono ran after him. Howard said that's some show he'd love to have been at. Bono said it was like indoor fireworks.
The Edge said they have a staff that makes sure stuff works now. He said back in those days drums would fall apart and other things would happen as well.
Howard said the drummer is the reason that the guys got into the band. Howard said that the odds were against them ever becoming a big band. Howard said they succeeded and he'd bet no one was banking on that. Bono said that they were inconsistent and they got people fired for signing them. He said that now they get very good. He said in those days they were great or crap. Bono said that they'd arrive and not play very well. He said they couldn't play anyone else's songs. Bono said he can't sing other people's songs. He said that Joey Ramone taught him how to sing. He said that he sang like a girl and that's how he sings. He said Joey was a sacred talent. He said they did Saturday Night Live and he met Joey once and told him a story about getting into a fight with the band. He said that they wanted to impress this big shot in town and they were fighting about the song. He said they got a knock on the door of the room they were in and they were 17-18 years old. He said this guy asked them to play for the guy and they played The Ramones ''Glad to see You Go'' and they got a job out of that. He said he told Joey Ramone that story the last time he saw him.
Howard said The Ramones hated each other. Howard said they'd come on the air and they'd air their dirty laundry on the air. He said it was great radio but it was pretty sad.
Howard asked Bono about meeting Keith Richards for the first time and how he came up to him asking if he was into the blues and Bono said he isn't at all. Howard said U2 has such a unique sound and they had no exposure to the Blues. The Edge said they were against all of the rehashes that were going down back then. The Edge said their influences came from Europe with bands like Kraftwerk and things like that. Howard asked where those guys are now. The Edge said they're still around.
Howard said Bono's dad was a cold and distant guy and he was a signer as well. Howard asked if he told him to just get a job. Bono said he did want him to get a proper job. He said his dad had a lot to put up with. He said he was an annoying kid. He said he was angry and he didn't know where to put that anger. He said it was with the death of his mother and just people walking by. He said he was living along with his brother and father. He said it was 3 Irish males yelling at each other. He said his father was a beautiful tenor. He said he could have been somebody. Bono said his way of dealing with it was to not have dreams. He said he lived a wonderful life but he didn't want him to live a life of chasing dreams. Howard said his dad had to have been trying to protect him. He asked if there was envy there too. Bono said he's not sure. He said years after he passed away he was told he should make his peace with him. He said he did that one summer. He said he got down on his knees and asked his father for forgiveness if he was right bollocks.
Howard said he was into exploding things. The Edge said he was into that. He said he and his brother were into that and they were experimental. He said if they had discovered some stuff in the High School that were explosive. He said they found out about that and used it.
Howard asked if they think that this anger bonds them in some way. The Edge said at a young age they rejected an adult version of life. He said they hung out with friends who were like that as well. He said as they saw through TV and movies they figured that Rock and Roll was a way to get to it. He said they had to find their own path.
Howard said Bono says that his name is a fuck you to his father. Bono said he didn't think about it at that time. He said that they all had their own names growing up. He said they came up with Bono and The Edge. Bono said that they were trying to describe the vibe of a person. Bono said his name used to be ''Steinwick Van Heishen bang, bang, bang.'' Howard said Bono Vox was a Hearing Aid. Howard asked if his father called him Bono. Bono said he didn't and he called him Paul his whole life.
Howard asked if they ever want to use their real name so everyone who knew them would know they're famous. Howard said it's like becoming a whole new person. The Edge said it's all about using your imagination. He said that they created something with their identities. It was something they could believe in.
Howard said he sees a lot of sadness in their lives. Howard said Bono's mom died when he was young. Bono said there are a lot of people in rock who have lost their mom. He said in the rap business it's a lot of people who lost their dads. Howard said that one of John Lennon's best songs is ''Mother.'' Howard said Bono's mom passed out at her dad's funeral. Bono said that's right. He said as her father was being laid into the ground she failed and they thought that was it. He said he lost his granddad and his mother in the same few days. He said they put out the Songs of Innocence and there's a song called Iris on it. He said he wrote about his mother and he didn't know much about her. He said he wrote it and he asked to have it taken off the album. He said it felt a little sissy and ''get over it'' to him. He said they couldn't remove it. He said it was in the pipe at Apple already. He said he was thinking about it and he thought that it was 40 years before that the lost his mom. He said he texted his brother and asked when his ma died. He said that his brother didn't know so he texted their uncle. Bono said the day the song came out was within a couple of days when his mom passed 40 years earlier.
Howard asked if Bono ever got to talk to his father and ask why they never spoke about mom. He said his dad didn't take him aside and ask how he was doing. Howard said he was left to deal with it on his own. The Edge said that's the Irish way. Bono said his dad and Edge's dad would prop each other up in that machismo way. They just had to suck it up and get on with it. Bono said it is odd. He said he can't imagine not being close with his kids. Bono said that he remembers shouting at the television and his dad would carry on like mental. He said when you have kids you go back to that age and he found himself going back and watching rugby. He said his little boys would come in and watch him watching rugby. He said he was shouting at the telly and his kids would watch him doing it.
Howard said you'd think that his dad would deal with it emotionally. Bono said then you deprive the world of all of this angst.
Howard said The Edge started out playing drums. The Edge said that life in his house was pretty mundane. He said not much was happening. Bono said he had cheese sandwiches every day. The Edge said that music was the way to escape it all. He said his mom got him a guitar for 1 pound and told them to figure out how to play it. The Edge said it took months to learn how to tune it. He said they had to find someone in the neighborhood who could show them. The Edge said they'd learn some chords and it took a long time. Howard asked if he took lessons. The Edge said that never occurred to him. He said they'd just learn from each other. Bono said he still doesn't know the names of those things he plays.
Howard said it's amazing that he picked all of that up in the street. Howard asked how old they were when they started out. The Edge said 15 almost 16. Howard said Bono was like the Man in school. He was very charismatic. Bono said that insecurity is security. The Edge said Bono was a natural entertainer. Howard asked when he learned he could sing. Bono said he just got into singing recently. He said in the 80s he finds it excruciating to listen. He said they did the Joshua Tree tour and he hasn't listened to that album since they finished it. He said that was 30 years ago. He said what he did was listen to the odd song and then wing it. He said he doesn't like the sound of his voice on a lot of that stuff. Howard asked what's wrong with it. Bono said it's squeezed. He said the subject matter is weird anyway. He said if he had more sense he wouldn't go there. He said he has a lot of emotions he's exposing. He said he puts that out on the air. He said he remembers being in a car at a traffic light and he heard one of their songs come on and he went red with embarrassment. He said the music is magnificent but the voice isn't that great. He said it's like God spare me the voice.
Howard said he can't listen to an old radio show. He said he hates it. He said movie actors say the same about their movies. Robin said it's almost like saying that he doesn't know why he belongs there.
The Edge said he thinks Bono sounds amazing. Bono said lately he's enjoyed singing and he's more of an interpretive singer now. Howard said he changes the lyrics and the fans hate that. Bono said that it's miraculous when you listen to Frank Sinatra singing ''My Way.'' He said if you listen to the same song from different times it's amazing. He said that's the singing thing. Bono said he's more of that type of singer now. He said he can change the text depending on the reading of it.
Howard said they got to see Sinatra and he wanted to meet them. Howard said his big advice was to dress better. The Edge said they were in the midst of their hobo sheik look and they probably got their stuff from a second hand store. Howard asked if they planned that together. The Edge said they would ask for more dust. The Edge said they were invited to this event and in the middle of this star studded show Frank came out and talked about how they were number 1 around the world. He had them stand up. He said he could see Frank looking at them and then he was like they aren't spending any of their money on clothes.
Bono said that Sinatra was hanging out with them and they were completely unknown to him. Bono said that it dawned on them that he didn't get to speak to a lot of musicians and he wanted to spend time with them. He said they became friends and they did some recordings together. He said they had good times together. He said he was very generous.
Howard said when he thinks about U2 back in the say The Edge had his brother in the band. Howard said at some point he was the one who had to tell his brother he was no longer going to be in the band. They were called The Hype at the time. Howard said David Bowie's band was called The Hype too. Bono said he was listening to Black Star yesterday and at 4:14 in the song he reminds you of why he was a pop meister. He sang some of the song for Howard and said you just melt.
Howard said that he got to speak to Bowie for 2 seconds and told him his favorite album and Bowie said that was one he hated. He said he signed it for him and sent it to him though.
Howard said The Edge had to tell his brother he was out. Howard asked how that went. The Edge said his brother went to college and this wasn't a professional band. He said they were working as a 4 piece. He said they were writing their own songs at that time. He said his brother was never really in a band that was writing songs. He was in the cover band. Bono said then he formed The Virgin Prunes. The Edge said that was an avant garde band that was very experimental. He said that was when that band came about.
Howard asked if it was painful for The Edge's brother to see them become successful. The Edge said that it wouldn't have been the same band if he had been in it. He said that it became a different group.
Howard said he has to ask Bono about this. He said his wife said to him that he should get a hobby and he started a financial investment group. He said he got some Facebook stock and it became a billion dollars or something. Bono said they made a pact in the band that whatever happens to the band they would never play golf. He said this is a running gag. He said that he does need things to focus on that are not music. He said he finds math to be relaxing and getting to know what's going on in commerce is something he'd never do. He said he really enjoys it. Howard asked how you learn finance. Howard said they were off doing rock and roll. Bono said that finance gets people out of extreme poverty. He said he met this guy Moe Ibrihim and he was saying on Africa they need 20 million jobs this year and 20 million next year. He said more said if he really believed in them they'd invest in them. He said he wanted to learn about technology in the world too. He said that was one of the things he learned.
Howard said when they write songs together how does it work. He asked if Bono writes lyrics and does The Edge go off and write a riff. The Edge said they're not fussy. He said they'll use whatever ideas they get. The Edge said he tries to go off and get ideas for songs. He said some become songs and some don't. He said once they get the inspiration going then Bono sings and you know you're on to something.
Howard asked if they go into the studio and riff in there or do they lock it down before. The Edge said they use the studio as a song writing tool. He said they come up with ideas and they worked with Brian Ino who has pioneered modern recording processes. He said that it's been a part of their creative process. The Edge said he'll bring a half baked piece of music in there. Bono said sometimes it's a great melody. Howard asked what they work at on the guitar before bringing it in. The Edge played some stuff for Howard and then Bono started singing.
Howard said he loves the acoustic guitar. Howard said he saw Springsteen play and they have to go see that. Bono said that some people have said that he's going to come to Howard for therapy. He said he's been told he should go. He said that he was sent to someone as a kid and she told him he was fine and there was nothing she could teach him. He said he would go and he's open to the idea. He said he's sure he needs it. Bono said that if you're a front man of a band you're clearly unwell. He said if you need 20,000 people screaming to you to feel normal then there's something wrong.
Howard said he has seen so many bands screw up and they're doing great. Howard said they have a true friendship from what he sees. The Edge said they have their moments but they need each other. Howard said Bono's relationship with his wife is very healthy too. Bono said that their organization has been run by women for years. Howard said they never really did the groupie thing. He said that's the way it seems. Bono said that they've made mistakes in their lives. He said as far as treating people they felt that this was the right way to do it. Bono said their organization was run by women and so is the RED organization. He said it just wasn't that kind of place. He said they didn't have that rock monster move. He said that the women would have slapped them around.
Howard asked Bono if he was raised protestant. Bono said his mother was and his father was catholic. He said that they tried to avoided it because it was troublesome. He said they had a disrespect of formed religion. Bono said he still has faith. The Edge said he does too. He said he discovered it around the same era.
Howard asked if you need faith to have that success. Howard said that people tell you that you suck early on. Howard said the record companies tell you that you suck. Bono said that it's a leap of faith to do what they do.
Howard said that he's going to go through some of their old songs. Howard played some of their early stuff and asked about how a record company wanted them to get rid of their drummer. Bono said he was great even back then. He said that Island Records and Chris Blackwell said there's nothing wrong with what they were doing in their album ''October.'' Howard asked if they were really going to get dropped. Bono said yes.
Howard said he became aware of them with ''Sunday Bloody Sunday.'' Howard said he remembers that video and that was awesome. Howard said Island Records stuck with them. Bono said he's not sure they would do that today. Howard said Frank Zappa used to say that they were better off with the fat cats who just let them do their thing. Then they hired ''experts'' who told them not to do albums and stuff.
Bono said they don't have any stories of being screwed over. The Edge said they did their first deal with Island and they didn't get much money. He said the second album came around and it cost them so little that it let them take that chance. The Edge said some bands were given huge advances. It wasn't worth it for the record companies.
Howard asked how they knew how to make deals. The Edge said they didn't. He said their manager knew that creative control was the thing to have. He said they decide what the album looks like and what is on the album. They agreed to take a lower advance and they were fine with that. Howard said they probably knew not to sign just anything in the beginning. Bono said they signed in the ladies toilet at the Electric Ballroom.
Howard said the album War really made them superstars. He asked if that's what happened. The Edge agreed. Howard said that was 1983 and they were in their early 20s. Howard said they were kids really. Bono had just gotten married. Bono said that writing the War album on your honeymoon isn't the best thing to do.
Howard asked if The Edge came up with the riffs in Sunday Bloody Sunday. He said the drums are really powerful in that one. Howard asked if he came up with the melody. The Edge said he had a two week period to write the music while Bono was on his honeymoon. He said he came up with a basic idea and he played it for the guys. He said that was one of them. He said they started working on it together.
Howard asked if they were listening in on those days this is what would have happened. He had the guys get into the song. Robin asked where the Sunday Bloody Sunday title came from. The Edge explained to Robin that there were a few times in Irish history where they called it bloody Sunday. He said this song was evoking those historical moments but it was also a non-violence song. He said this was the first one that they wrote that was political in that sense. Bono said they do live in peace in Ireland but it took a lot of people to get things resolved in Ireland. Howard asked if it took a long time to write this song. The Edge said it was pretty quick. Bono said that it was to compare Bloody Sunday with Easter Sunday.
The Edge started playing and Bono sang ''Sunday Bloody Sunday.'' Howard said that was very nice. He said that's such a great song. Howard said even if their career had stopped after that it would have been a great career. Bono said it does do something to you when you sing it. He said it's like you take on other people's feelings. He said he's realizing that for a live band like U2 being in front of a crowd he thinks that the roar is people screaming for themselves. He said they won't let go of that song.
Howard played a few more of the band's hit songs like ''New Year's Day.'' Howard said that was a great one. Robin said there was an urgency to the music that his vocal matched. Bono said that they wrote that one as an experimental thing. He said he was making up lyrics on the spot and what he hears is maybe his hesitancy as he was figuring things out. Howard asked how many takes he did. Bono said he thinks it was 5 or 6. He said that this guy Steve who helped them out with that was a big help.
Howard played ''Pride In the Name of Love'' and Bono cringed. Bono said he hears someone who can't hit the note. Robin said he was doing it in the spirit of Joey Ramone though. Bono went with that. Howard played another old song and asked if it just brings back memories. Bono said he loves the songs when they play them live. Howard said then Joshua Tree comes out and it goes though the roof. Howard said they've sold a lot of albums. Bono said that he wondered if they made up those numbers. Howard asked if they got full of themselves around that time. The Edge said it's about to happen.
Howard played ''With Or Without You'' and Bono said the singer is just not that great. He said he can't listen to that. Howard said he must listen to it in the studio. Bono said they went to Jamaica and they were propping up the bar and they did all of that. He said it's an odd sounding song. He said at the time Edge was doing some atmospheric guitar sound. The Edge said they were using the technology back then and they were adding a lot to the songs.
Howard asked if Edge likes doing the stripped down songs now. Bono said doing it occasionally is good. He said they like playing them stripped down. Bono said that even if the singer sounds tight he really respects the opera part of it. He said they were trying to tell a story there. He said if the singer didn't make the notes then it's okay.
Howard said he's really hard on himself. Howard said he heard that his father didn't want to go in a limo when he brought him to a show once. Howard said that's when your dad should say he's proud of you. Bono said that he wanted to get his dad under the spotlight. He said that he did that and the crowd was amazing in Texas. He said he had his dad there and he said it was his first time there. He said the light came on and his dad got up and shook his fist saying ''fuck you'' in humor. He said after the show he came back and went into the room and looked at him and he thought he saw a real tender look in his eyes. He said he put out his hand and he said ''You're very professional.'' He said that was an amazing compliment from him. He said that he really meant that and he's grateful for that.
Howard said as big as he is he just wants his father to give him something. Bono said he did. Howard said he said he's very professional. He asked if he can get sad about that. The Edge said that's how Irish males communicated with each other. Bono asked if Howard was close to his dad. Howard said he's closed off emotionally. He said he's still around. He said he said to him once that he loves him. He said that was around the time his movie came out. Howard said that they'll have to go to therapy together.
Howard played more from Joshua Tree. He played a few songs and played ''Where the Streets Have No Name.'' Howard said The Edge thinks this is their best song. The Edge said it's the best live show song. Howard asked how you write that song. He asked if he hears a melody or a bunch of chords. The Edge said they had done a lot of work on this album and they were shy a few important songs. The Edge said this is where fear of failure kicks in. He said he had one week on his own to come up with some stuff that would work live. He said he came up with the ultimate live tune. He said he thought about everything and one day he came up with the chords that would work. He doesn't remember what they were. Bono said he doesn't know what they're even called. Howard asked him to play it for him. The Edge said it was just a bunch of stuff he liked. He said he approaches music in a naive way. He said he just played guitar over the chords and figured out a way to do it.
Howard asked him to humor him and pretend he's Bono and he's trying to explain how this song would work. The Edge did that and played the guitar and showed him how the song would start. Howard said this is fucking great. He said he got the chills. Bono said he did too. Howard asked if he wrote it down at all. The Edge said he had a 4 track recorder he'd play into. Howard said that's something. Howard asked Bono what he does. He said he'd have no idea what to do. The Edge said they have to figure out how to make it into a song. Howard asked what he plays after that part. The Edge said he looks at Adam the bass player and ask him to play something. He said then Larry gets on the kit and finds beats. The Edge said his job is to get everyone going so they can get to something cool.
Bono said that song was very hard to finish. He said their producer wanted to wipe that song out completely. He said he figured they'd gone too far. The Edge said that guy wanted to start over again.
Howard asked about when they put out an album that big what do they think they can do after that. He asked if they psych themselves out over it. Bono said he remembers thinking that this could be tricky. He said that they made a movie of it and that was a big budget. He said there was a lot of hype and maybe people had too much of them. Bono said they wanted a completely different sound after that so they made Achtung Baby. Howard asked how long that was. Bono said that was 2 years but they also made Rattle and Hum between those.
Howard asked if they were nervous about Achtung Baby coming out. Bono said they had the grand madness around that time. He said they were spending too much money and they made just enough. He said if they had 10 percent less people show up they'd be bankrupt. Bono said that tour was amazing. He said they used technology in a different way on that tour.
Howard said that he really has to write his own song. He said he's running out of time. He played another song and asked if he likes when people cover their songs. The Edge said he does. He said that he loves hearing their songs as Muzak.
Howard asked if they care about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Bono said they do and it's the strangest thing. He said they discovered there's a lot of history in music and they like the hall of fame because you see all of these guys show up to do things there. Bono said he's been in tears watching people perform there.
Howard asked if they have jammed with Bruce in the studio at all. Bono said they haven't but they have on stage. Bono said that you can have all of this stuff but you can't have your freedom. He said that he's not buying that. He said Bruce isn't buying it either. He said he saw Paul McCartney on a dance floor with Nancy and he was pogoing. He said that he's seen far less interesting people out there doing nothing. He said that Paul has what everyone wants. He said he has freedom. Howard said he's right. Bono said that Bruce has fought for that freedom too. He said he'll be who he is in that moment on that day. He said that he's around the corner playing that show and he can't wait to see it.
Howard said he doesn't have any of that freedom. Howard said yesterday he was in Central Park and he saw this old guy who wanted to play chess. Howard said it was freezing out. He said he ended up sitting down for an hour and a half and played chess. Howard said they had a great time. Then he saw people showing up and taking pictures. He said before that moment he had that freedom.
Bono said that Howard was on WXRK there in New York. He said Howard has metemorphized and people must tell him what they think of him. He asked if he has that freedom at all. Howard said sometimes he does. He said he feels good. He said therapy helped him. Bono said he's going to get on his couch. Howard said he's trying to enjoy his life.
Howard said he has a million more questions but it's getting late. Howard said they have a new album out and the album is becoming a thing of the past. Howard said they say just put out a song or two at a time. Howard asked why the album. The Edge said that they still believe in it. He said that it's almost like being back in the 50s with the way they do things now. Bono gave Howard a blue vinyl album and said he signed it for them. Robin said this is what you miss when you don't have an album.
Bono said that The Edge is on the cover of the album. Howard said that's what's fun about albums. Bono said the cover is also Eli. The Edge said he loves that he's showing the album on radio.
Howard said he saw them on Saturday Night Live and he loved that megaphone thing. Howard said Bono made it sound like this was the last album they might make because he had a health scare. Bono said he did talk about how everyone has a brush with mortality. He said that The Edge said it was a brush with humility. Bono said he doesn't want to talk about it because people have been through worse. He said that Robin has talked about what she is facing. He said that in Ireland he'd just sound like ''Oh for fucks sake.''
Howard said the health scare made him get into the frame of mind that this would be his last statement. Bono said it was a good thing if you didn't make it through whatever that it would be on record that he got his feelings for the people he cared about out there. He said it would be for his sons and daughters and his misses. Howard said he's addressing it on the album. He said The Edge must have been scared. The Edge said he was.
Howard said Bono was facing his ultimate demise. Bono said that he thought it would be good to try and open this subject up. Bono said what happened was that when you have that kind of a fright you get super concentrated on the moment you're in. He said you want to be in every moment you're in. He said they made a joyful kind of melodic and defiant album. He said he wanted to be honest about it. He said he didn't want to be a drunk guy dribbling into his beer. He said he was trying to find a way to talk about it. He said he can't do it in a reality TV way. Bono said that he wouldn't have gotten away with it. Howard said he knows what he means. Howard said he has things in his life that he doesn't want to talk about. He said in this world of social media people will freak you out. He said it becomes a focus you can't escape. Howard said that might be the fear.
Bono said he's tried to avoid the blogosphere. He said that they do Instagram though. He said he loves social media but you have to be careful with privacy. He said Robin is different than Howard. Bono said he would go into a bar and things would get really messy if he talked about this.
Howard said the new album is called ''Songs of Experience'' and you can go to U2.com to find out about their tour dates that are coming up next year. Howard said they're going to do another song that's on the album. Howard asked if it took a while to write this song. The Edge said that it did. They went into the song ''Get Out Of Your Own Way'' after that.
Howard said that they're both very professional. He said they're really great. Howard said that song is very catchy. He said that the hook is everything. Howard said they bonded today. Bono agreed. He said that Howard is going to regret ever inviting him to lay on his couch. Bono asked if Robin is the sane one in there. Robin said she is but not by much.
Howard said the guys have laid it all out for them today. Howard said he saw them on Facebook going out and performing songs. Howard said look at you two. Bono said he's hungry for breakfast. Howard said they have some stuff there but don't eat it. He said save yourself. Howard gave the guys some more plugs and wrapped up the interview. They played a few phony phone calls and song parodies as they were going to break.
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Howard said they have to get to some news. Howard said Robin can carry on all she wants. Robin said Bono laid in Howard's lap in the photo shoot. Howard said he did put his head in his lap and he analyzed him. He said they seem really down to earth. Robin said they do and they're that big. Howard said he wishes Robin was that down to earth. Robin said ''how dare you.''
Howard said he knows he's going to get a cold from being outside yesterday. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody to the tune of a U2 song. Howard said that was beautiful. Howard said U2 loves when people cover their songs. Robin said that wasn't a cover really. Howard said that was Daniel Mendelson doing that song.
Robin started her news with a story about an archeologist claiming he found Jesus' tomb. Robin said that shouldn't exist if you know the story. Robin said that he walked out of that tomb. Robin read more details about that.
Robin read a story about the Winklevoss twins being Bitcoin billionaires. Robin said they have made bank on the crypto-currency and they own about 11 billion worth. Robin said it's grown 10,000 precent just this year. Robin said that she's not sure if you can spend it anywhere. Howard said he knows nothing about it.
Robin read a creep corner story about John Conyers. Robin said he's been accused by several women of being sexually inappropriate with them. Robin said Conyers was asked to step down but he's refusing. Robin said there's going to be a rally for him at a Detroit, Michigan church. Robin said that Roy Moore has also visited a black church and got up and spoke for a few minutes. Robin said he recited a poem when he spoke. Robin said she doesn't have the poem to play for Howard.
Robin said Trump is throwing his support behind Roy Moore. Robin said he tweeted out about how they need him to win in Alabama. Howard said this is all so frustrating. Howard said 7 or 8 women are accusing him of these things and he can't believe anyone would endorse this guy. Howard said he's done with Alabama if they vote for him. Robin said that they had a Roy Moore supporter on a show and she was asked if she believes the accusers. Robin had some audio of the woman saying she wasn't there so she doesn't know any of the facts. She said she's not there to call these women out but she's endorsing Roy Moore. She said that the people of Alabama are going to decide. Howard said fuck it, just fuck it... He played some audio of this Roy Moore going off on gays and transsexuals and how they want to ''change our lives'' and way of life. Robin had more audio of that woman defending Roy Moore too.
Robin read a story about Mitch McConnell talking about how Alabama will have to decide if Roy Moore is going to represent them. Robin said that they will look at him very closely with the senate ethics committee. Robin had some audio of McConnell talking about that.
Howard said Trump last week tweeted out about Joe Scarborough possibly being involved in a murder and that has gone out of the news already. Robin said that the Muslim clips that Trump tweeted out were in the news and the White House was defending those too. Howard said things are really weird these days.
Robin said that Jimmy Kimmel got into a Twitter fight with Roy Moore. Robin had some audio of Kimmel agreeing to go down to Alabama to fight him if he wants. Howard said there was another guy defending Roy Moore and he has some audio. Howard played that clip and this guy was saying that this is not the time to play it safe. He said there's a spirit of the age that has set its sights on Roy Moore to take him out. He said part of this is demonic. Howard said just make up magical people and demons to get this to go through. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Garrison Keillor being added to the list. Robin said he was the leader of that Prairie Home Companion. Howard said that was awful. Robin said that he's been accused of inappropriate behavior. Robin read the details about that story and said that Keilor put his hand on a woman's bare back. Robin said he claims that he's been groped by dozen's of fans. Robin had some audio of him doing his show. Howard said it's awful. He did a live commercial read a short time later. He didn't have music because Fred had stepped out. Howard said he must have gotten fed up and left. Fred came back in the middle of the commercial. Howard asked if he took a stroll. Fred said he did.
Robin read a story about Geraldo Rivera tweeting about the Matt Lauer story and how he was sorry to hear about this because Matt had always been kind to him and his family. Robin said after he wrote that he got feedback and got some feedback and then Bette Midler tweeted out some video where a she talked about Geraldo doing an interview with her in the 70s and she got groped by him after he and his producer shoved some poppers up her nose. Robin said this interview happened a couple of years ago and no one said anything. Howard said that's a horrible story. Robin said Geraldo was claiming that the news business is a flirty business. Robin said a lot of people took offense.
Robin read about how a conductor at the Metropolitan Opera was suspended over sexual abuse claims. Howard said they should suspend all opera. He said it's awful. Robin said this guy was away for a while due to health problems and he was just about to return to the Met when these claims came out. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin told Howard to imagine he has a son. She said the son comes home and says he just sexually assaulted two boys. Howard said Walter is grounded. Robin said this is what a mother had to do. Robin said a teen who turned himself into police has confessed to molesting over 50 children. Robin said he's 18 years old. Robin said his mother brought him to the police. Howard said he'd send Walter to his uncle Fred's house if he did that.
Robin said that Billy Bush has written an Op-Ed about the Trump tape that Trump is claiming he wasn't a part of. Robin said that Billy is saying that he definitely remembers him saying those things.
Robin read a story about the tax bill and what Trump was saying about it. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how they need welfare reform. He said that person on Welfare is doing better than the person who is working 3 jobs and working their ass off. Howard said they're also having sex on Periscope. Robin said she was working her ass off and she was on her way to work and she'd see people coming in from partying who were going to sleep all day. Robin said they just happened to be rich kids.
Howard said he has Billy Bush on the phone and he wants to talk about this Trump thing. He had the guys in the back playing clips of a Billy Bush impersonator talking about the Trump thing for a short time.
Robin read a story about a Garth Brooks show where the lights went out. Robin said it was in Newark at the Prudential Center. Robin said no one knew what was going on so they were freaking out. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what happened. Robin said there were 20,000 or so people there but they weren't panicking. Robin said they were singing some Garth Brooks songs.
Robin read about how Jason Aldean and his wife had a child over the weekend. Robin said Memphis Aldean is his name.
Robin read a story about Michael Flynn and how he was indicted and pleaded guilty last week. Robin had some audio from The View where the women reacted to the news. They sounded thrilled about the news. Fred played some audio of Mariann from Brooklyn making a weird cheering noise. Robin said that the news they read wasn't quite true. Robin said that we're rooting for people to go to prison and take down the president as they leave. Howard said that's what it's come to.
Robin said the Kennedy Center Honors happened over the weekend. Robin said that Julie Andrews emceed the show. Robin had some audio from the show. Robin said Trump wasn't there. She said LL Cool J is the first rapper to get the honor. Howard said you'd think he'd get an award before a rapper. Howard said he doesn't think he'll be getting one. He said they're on too late anyway.
Robin read a story about the NY Giants coach and how he may have coached his last game last night.
Robin read a story about the top movies at the box office over the weekend and then wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he has to go to a special report. He said this is very out of the ordinary. Howard said that he has wall to wall coverage for Jeff the Drunk leaving the show. Howard said he has Gary in the studio as well as Shuli who has been covering this story. He said that he also has Ronnie the Limo Driver in there to talk about this.
Howard said the news is that yesterday he read on Twitter that Jeff the Drunk is leaving the show. He had Shuli read the Tweet from Jeff as Jeff. Howard said this news broke yesterday afternoon. Shuli read the note about how he's leaving the show after 25 years of entertainment. Howard said he entertains, not Jeff. Shuli read that Jeff has never been so humiliated in his life. He said he's done with the show and he thanked Howard for those 25 years.
Howard said he figured they had to dedicate the show to that news. Howard said he changed his name from Jeff the Drunk to Jeff the Normal Citizen. Howard said he's going to take everyone through this. He said that yesterday he told Jeff that the women he was giving sex shows to are actually men. He said that they discovered this over the years. Shuli said it's happened many times over the years. Howard said it happens a lot on the internet. Howard said Memet was going to go visit a dude he thought was a woman.
Howard said Jeff felt challenged yesterday. He said it's not gay but you don't want to keep jerking off to dudes. Robin said Jeff thought he was having relationships and this hurt. Howard said Jeff put out some statements on Periscope yesterday. He played a clip of Jeff talking about how he was humiliated on the show and fuck Howard Stern. Jeff said after all the years he provided content fuck you Howard Stern. Jeff went off on him for being an asshole to him yesterday. He said fuck Shuli too.
Howard went to Gary and asked what his reaction is to this. Gary said he's found Jeff to be one of the most entitled Wack Packers. He said everything good that happens to him is because of the show. He said that Howard plucked him out of obscurity. He said if he leaves the show he's going to go back there. He said after a few months he's going to have a sad and lonely life.
Howard took a call from Marfan Mike and asked what his reaction is to this. Mike said he thinks he's nuts. He said he's had all of this stuff over the years. He said if he doesn't want to be a Wack Packer he's throwing his name into the ring. Howard thanked Mike for that. Mike said people like him are dying to get into the Wack Pack and he's willing to do it. Howard said he sees this as an opportunity. He said his breakfast order may have been in that statement too.
Howard played more of Jeff cursing them out on the show. Howard said they should just call Marfan Mike ''Jeff the Drunk'' from now on. Howard said he's going to find a new Jeff who is a drunk. He said that's a name he created so he can keep it. Shuli said Jeff has fans who buy stuff for him every week. He said it's because of Howard that he has this. He said he gets packages from around the world from fans. Robin said someone said he was on an iPhone X. Howard said Ralph wondered how he got that. Gary asked where he's going to go after this. He said Howard is the only one who understands his talent.
Howard took a call from Jeff's lump who said he can't believe this. He said this is a big deal for him because this is the only way he gets on the air. He said he has to feed his family. He said he has not spoken to Jeff but he's in danger of being replaced on the panel in the studio. He said Judd Apatow was about to put him in something. He said now that's all been shelved because of this news. Howard said The Lump is in severe depression. The Lump said he was going to replace Matt Lauer but that's out of the question now too.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's happy that Jeff is gone because he was such a pain in the ass. Ronnie said Jeff was never appreciative of what Howard did for him. He said put Marfan Mike into it and leave Jeff out. Howard said he's out. Ronnie said let him live in ''oblivity'' or whatever. Howard said he makes sense until he uses a word like ''Oblivity.''
Ronnie said he put up with so much shit with Jeff over the years. He said they could never get rid of him when he came up there. He said they had to cater to him and buy things for him. He said he was always demanding stuff and falling down in the halls. He said it's so good to see him go. He said good riddance. He said it's finally over.
Howard went back to Jeff's periscope and played another clip where Jeff got emotional and started crying. Jeff said fuck Howard after saying he didn't want to bad mouth him. Jeff said it's so confusing to him. He started crying.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who said he'd like to go up to Jeff's trailer park and find out what the reaction is up there. Shuli said he thinks it's a great idea if Jeff the Drunk still existed on the show. He said why waste the resources of the show on the guy.
Robin said that this is a true Wack Packer. Robin said this is how you get into the Wack Pack.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said Jeff is delusional for thinking he contributed to the show more than other Wack Packers. He said he should have kept this tuff private if he didn't want it on the show.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Jeff is calling and she tried to reason with him but she can't. Howard said he also gave Jeff the Sirius subscription and he can take it away too.
Howard said he has Medicated Pete on the phone. He asked what he thinks of all of this. Pete said he's giving up his celebrity. He said he has a big penis and he's not flaunting it around. Howard said this is a Wack Pack 9/11. Howard asked what he said about his penis. Pete said he's not afraid to show his penis. Howard asked what his point is. Shuli interpreted and said that he thinks Pete is saying that he's been fooled like Jeff has and it's no big deal.
Howard said he was trying to tell Jeff that he was on with dudes and that's it. He said he wasn't trying to humiliate him. He said he was trying to help.
Howard said he was being a friend. He said he'd let Ronnie know if he was doing something like that. Ronnie said he could be jerking off to a woman he knows is a woman. He said he met that Natalie chick from Australia.
Howard said he has more of Jeff on Periscope. Jeff was talking about how he's taking off until next year. He said if that's what Howard wanted then he wins. He said now he doesn't trust anyone.
Howard said bad news for the men who like to watch Jeff jerk off. Gary said in today's technology why not Facetime with a woman. Shuli said no one wants to do that. Howard said Jeff announced that he's retiring from not working.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said get rid of that piece of shit. He said he's a piece of mother fucking shit. Howard asked if he got along with Jeff. Ed said he did for a while but he's a piece of shit and he's not funny. Howard said this is bringing up a lot of hostility. Gary asked if he has any friends who aren't Wack Pack. Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn is.
Ed asked to plug a show that he has. Howard said he's in the middle of something. Howard let him go after he threw the plug in anyway.
Howard said he has another Periscope where Jeff said he ''Japped'' him on the show. Shuli said this came out about 15 minutes after he said he wasn't going to Periscope anymore. Howard played the clip and Jeff said he was tricked by Howard and after all the years he dedicated to the show he was treated like garbage. He said Howard can suck his fucking dick.
Howard said he has Janet on the phone who says she has phone sex with Jeff. Howard picked up and the voice was a guy with a deep voice.
Howard had Marfan Mike back on the phone. Mike said if Jeff doesn't want it Jeff is nothing without the show. Howard said he made that statement earlier. Mike said he's willing to do anything Howard asks. Howard said he has a nice Jeff the Drunk on the phone. He talked to Mike as if he had changed his name to Jeff. Howard said he sounds like he's drinking a lot. Mike said he's drinking tequila.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to be honest and they've lived through this story arc before. He said that he should be called Jeff the interesting. He said this is a great story. Howard said he has finally become interesting.
Howard said that's the big news of the morning. Howard asked how they sum this up. He said Jeff has quit the show finally.
Gary asked if there's any way Jeff can work his way back on the show. Howard said Jeff quit so it's up to him. Gary asked if he would take him back after he cursed him out.
Howard said on the phone he has Jeff the Drunk. The real one, not Marfan Mike. Howard said he thought he quit the show. Howard picked up and Jeff said listen to him. Howard said he quit and said Fuck Robin. Jeff said listen to him fuck face. Howard said keep talking. He said this will be his last appearance. Jeff said he can't treat people like shit. Howard said he didn't. Ronnie said he told him the truth.
Jeff said that you can't treat the Wack Pack like this. Howard said he told him as a friend that these were dudes. Jeff said that he treats them like shit. Howard said he did a Periscope where he said ''fuck you Howard.'' Jeff said fuck you again. He said he wanted to straighten things out. Jeff said he can't treat people like shit. Gary asked what Howard did to him. Jeff said they know what he did. He said it was embarrassing. Ronnie said he's the moron who jerked off to guys. Jeff said he had women he was jerking off to. He said he's not the bad guy. Robin said no one said he was the bad guy.
Howard said Jeff is so stupid. He said if he listens he'll tell him why. Jeff said fuck you to Howard. Howard said he's going to explain this one last time. He said he is someone he cares about. Jeff said he sure shows it. Howard said Shuli cares about him too. Robin asked Jeff if they didn't care about him why would they want him to know what's going on in his life. Jeff said maybe call him off the air. Howard said they did. Shuli said he has had conversations with him about that. Jeff said he didn't have to do it on the air.
Howard asked if Jeff hung up. Jeff said no! Howard said Ronnie jerked off to his mom and dad. He said he was fine with that. Howard said he jerked off to a guy too. He wrote about it in his second book. Jeff asked how many guys he's seen shoot a load. Howard said he doesn't watch guys jerking off. Jeff said he watched him. Howard said he cut it off before he came.
Howard said Jeff is wrong and he's right. Jeff said that's not right. Howard said he jerked off to guys and he told him. Howard asked if he wanted him to keep quiet about it. He said he's an asshole. Jeff said he wouldn't do this to a friend.
Howard said they told him all he was doing was jerking off to men who he thinks are women. Jeff said stop talking so he can talk. Howard said he's sick of Jeff using him. Ronnie called him a piece of shit. Howard said Jeff is drunk, unemployed and he finds this embarrassing?
Gary said in months from now when he's off the show and no one is listening to him and the gifts go away and the attention goes away what is he going to do? Jeff said all of those people who called into the show yesterday have been banned for at least a month and a half. Shuli said it doesn't change that it happened though.
Howard said he has The Lump on the phone again. The Lump said he's going with Marfan Mike now. Jeff yelled something and hung up. Howard said that was the breaking news. He said Jeff has left the show. They played a song parody about Jeff and then went to break.
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Robin said she tried to tell Howard that back in the day. Howard said that was in the early days of chat rooms. Howard said it was a bunch of guys and he came very hard. Robin said Howard was very convinced just like Jeff.
Gary said the second Jeff hangs up he calls back. He asked if they're still talking to him. Howard said he'll take the call if he wants to talk. Howard said he had a friend who he told not to marry a certain girl and he got pissed off at him. He said he was trying to be a friend. Robin said as a woman it's very hard trying to convince yourself that a man is cheating on you. Robin said that things are said about the guy and it upsets the person. Then they get back together. Robin said then you're out.
Howard said he's going to try to end his relationship with Jeff civilly. Howard picked up on Jeff again and said he's going to wish him luck and say he's sorry for telling him the truth about these people who are sexting him. Jeff said Howard is a piece of shit. Robin asked why he keeps calling to say that. Jeff said Howard is the ultimate troll. Jeff said he wants everyone to know that. Howard asked why he's a troll. Jeff said he's a mother fucking troll. Howard asked why he's a troll. Jeff said Howard has final say over anything that happens on the show. Howard said he thinks he's been tremendous for Jeff. He said he has given him a forum to be Jeff. Jeff said he's a punching bag for him. Howard said he is not. Jeff said he uses all of the Wack Packers even if they know it or not. Howard said Jeff calls him, not the other way around. Howard said he just hung up.
Howard said this is the truth. He said Jeff jerks off to really hot chicks who are in love with him. Howard said all of the girls watching him jerk off are super hot. He said they're hot as can be. He said he's the luckiest guy in the world. Howard said goodbye Jeff. Robin said they don't call Jeff, he calls them but they're using him? Howard said this is crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to let him know that they have to make an example out of him and stop taking his calls. Howard said that's fine.
Howard said that was an emotional hour of radio. Robin said it sounds like he's in pain. Robin said it's the people who were sexting with him and pretending to be women that are the problem.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who said he loves Jeff. Howard said he does too. He said he was trying to be helpful. Tommy said Jeff is given shit all the time and Howard is a user. Howard said fuck off Tommy. He said they use them and don't pay them anything. Howard said they call him. Tommy said ''Yeah but...'' and Howard hung up. Howard said he hates Tommy. He said anyone who calls in will be used. He said you will go on the air. Howard said Tommy the shit head is being used too. Howard said if you object to that then don't call in.
Howard asked what kind of work Jen does. Jen said she wishes she could work at a TV station. She said she's too short to be an actress. Howard said that didn't stop the guy on Game of Thrones. Howard asked how big her chest is. She said she's a 32-B. She said she's 110 pounds and 5'1'' tall. Howard said she's like a mini Angelina Jolie. She said she is. Howard asked if she's married. Jen said she is. Robin asked if she told her husband she was smacked on the butt. She said she did. She said he's very confident and has nothing to worry about.
Howard let Jen go a short time later. Howard said he was going to ask if her husband ever saw Jeff jerk off.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that he thinks that he's the voice of reason and it gets him so fired up. He said it's going to be a better show without Jeff. He said he should get rid of Benjy too. Howard said Benjy is fine. He said that he got a lot of crap in the email about Benjy yesterday.
Howard said Shuli checked in with Underdog Lady. Howard had a clip of her talking about how her Thanksgiving went. Shuli asked what she had and she said she had tuna and roast beef, chicken and cheesecake for dessert. She said the Romans feasted that way. Howard said he loves her. He said she said she couldn't have traditional foods because they're sold in mass quantity but then she had a mass quantity of other food.
Howard said things got mysterious and she said she's having a special visitor. Howard said Shuli wasn't able to get it out of her who it was. Howard played a clip and Shuli asked who was coming over and she said that's her own business. Howard said he knows that women call the period a special friend. Howard said maybe it was a gentleman caller. Robin said he could be right. Howard said he doesn't think so.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she heard Howard say he came really hard earlier. She said that one time her husband came so hard that it went down her throat and came out her nose. Howard asked the caller if she's attractive or not. She said she thinks she is. Howard asked what she is on a scale of 1-10. She said that she's a 10 to her husband. Howard said that doesn't count. Howard said she could be a 2. Howard asked what she thinks she is. She said she thinks she's an 8. Howard said men pay a lot of attention to her. She said yes. Howard said Harvey Weinstein would find a potted plant and jerk off into it. Howard said that the cum coming out of her nose is called an Angry Dragon. Howard said it is a thing.
Howard asked the caller what she did yesterday and how the sex thing came about. She said she came home and showered after work. Howard asked if she walked into the room nude with her husband. She said of course. Howard said there is no undressing. She said yes. Howard asked who she looks like. The caller said she's been told she looks like the Spice Girl Victoria. Howard said that's Posh Spice. Howard said that she's very attractive. Howard said she's the most attractive.
Howard asked the caller about how big her breasts are so they can imagine all of this. She said she's a 34-D. Howard asked if they're natural. She said they are not. Howard asked how much she weighs. She said she's 125. Howard said she must be tall. She said she's 5'4'' tall. Howard said she weighs 125? She said she does. Howard said ''Hmm...'' Howard asked if there's an issue there with the weight or does she look good. The caller said she thinks she looks good. Howard asked if she can just say she weighs 115 for this story. She said sure.
Howard asked if they have a gym in the town or did it close up. She said they actually own a martial arts studio. Howard said she has big breasts too so that can weigh a lot.
Howard said that this woman walks into the room nude with her husband there and then she does what? She said her husband went down on her for about a half hour. Howard said that must get annoying. She said it's her husband's favorite thing. She said after that she blew him and he came so hard that it came out her nose. Howard said that's something. Howard asked if they were done after that. She said they were. She said they love the foreplay so much that sometimes that's how it goes.
Howard asked if it burns when it comes out her nose. She said it doesn't but it did get stuck in the back of her throat. She said her husband was fine with it after it happened. Howard said he'd be so proud of himself if he could do that. Howard said he'd take a picture and his wife would be so happy. Howard asked if her husband was proud. The caller said he was. She said that he made her squirt when he went down on her too. Howard asked if her squirt came out of his nose. She said it did not.
Howard asked if he sticks his finger up her ass while he's doing this. The caller said he did not do that. Howard said that squirt is pee. The caller said she doesn't think so. She said it's odorless and colorless. Howard asked if they have plastic on the bed because there's a lot going on there. The caller, Victoria, said that it was very clean. She said that you can look at her on Facebook if you want to see her. She changed her mind about giving it out after Robin warned her. Howard said he wants to see her. He put Victoria on hold so Gary could get her information so he can see her.
Howard said if it was him he'd powerwash that bed. He said good lord. Howard said there's a lot of sexy stories today. Howard said now that Jeff quit the show they have room to take better calls. He said he wouldn't have picked up if they had Jeff on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that last call took the anger out of him but don't let that fucker Jeff back on. He said he has to draw a line in the sand. Howard said he's right. The caller said fuck Tommy too. He said these people get free shit from people and they shouldn't be allowed back.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks that they should take Jeff's limp arm and beat the shit out of him. His phone cut out and Howard said he can't win with these calls.
Howard asked if they have that picture of Victoria. Gary said he is printing it out and she's very cute. Howard picked up on Victoria again and said Gary said she's very cute. Howard said he'll take a look and tell her if she's cute. She said she's just thrilled about that.
Howard asked if Robin has ever blown a guy and had it shoot out her nose. Robin said she has not. She said she's had it shoot down her throat. Howard said it's weird hearing her say that while he's looking at her. Howard said this is weird.
Howard saw Victoria and said she is very good looking. Howard said he's going to draw in the Angry Dragon on her face. Howard said he did that. Howard thanked her for the story. She said she can't wait for her husband to listen to the show this morning.
Howard said they're covering this like a football game. He said that football is more complicated though. Robin said it goes beyond walking. Howard said listen to this one. He said this is one where women talk about the show like it's the hardest thing in the world. Howard said this is the back stage chaos. Howard said it just be complex according to this show. Howard said air traffic control is less chaotic. Howard played the clip of the back stage stuff going on. Howard said you can't hear it but they're showing what's going on back stage. Then you hear some of the back stage crew giving a count down and things like that.
Howard said there was less chatter when they killed bin Laden. Robin asked if Howard ever thought he'd hear someone on a walkie talkie say ''there's a lace problem.'' Howard was playing with his microphone and fucked it up. It was thumping and cutting out. Howard said it does that once in a while when he does that. He said that if you just kind of hang with it then it goes back.
Howard asked if they can hook him up with a walkie talkie sound. Howard tried getting one but it wasn't working. He said it killed the moment. Howard said someone wrote ''use the megaphone. Howard said they're right. Howard used his megaphone instead.
Howard got back to the clip and did his impression of the guy with the walkie talkie. He was telling the girls what to do back stage and giving updates about what was happening back there.
Howard said he should take a break. Fred said absolutely. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said it's sexy pee. Howard about that? Howard asked Brent if he wants to give one statement on this. Brent came in and said that they did a scientific experiment on the air and they had a guy put his head in it and he came up and said it was not pee. He said they had a girl squirt and the guy said it was not pee. He said it was clear and did not smell. Howard said Brent knows everything. Robin said pee doesn't smell while it's inside you. She said it smells when it hits the air.
Gary said that Dr. Fisch has done an experiment and it was tested and came out to be urine. Howard said he's a doctor too. Brent said something about ''yeah but...'' and Howard cut him off playing a bit where Brent talked about stuff that no one knows but Brent knows. Howard said it's Brent Einstein.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that people who think it's pee have never been with a woman who has orgasmed. She said that when a woman orgasms it's the same fluid that comes out. Howard said that Gary just said that Dr. Fisch analyzed it and it was urine. Brent said it was with Shuli and a porn star. The caller said urine is not the same constancy. Howard said the controversy continues then. Howard let Brent and the caller go after that.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says his wife squirted and it was yellow. Howard took a call from a guy who was gargling the squirt. Howard said that's very hard to understand.
Howard said Benjy has hit it on the head. He said Benjy is making sense. Howard said he would like to talk to people too. He asked if anyone objects. Howard said maybe at the end of the party they could have a DJ come out. He said for a couple of hours they could have quiet. Howard said they have dinner and Hors d'oeuvre and dinner and they can have music during those things and the DJ after that. Howard said he is happy to hear this.
Howard asked Fred if he's for this. Fred said sure. Howard said he's saying this with respect. Howard said last night Benjy must have been struck by lightning. Howard said he'd like to do away with the Karaoke segment too. Benjy said that can be fun but it can be overwhelming. Gary said Ronnie and Sal will be upset about that.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie singing Karaoke. Howard said this is his battle. Howard said there are people who like this nonsense. Howard said maybe after he leaves they can start that stuff. Benjy said that would be great. Howard said he'd rather talk to people than hear this. He was playing more of Ronnie singing.
Howard said he was hoping that he could have everyone wear a name tag too. Benjy said that would be good too. He said it's a great way to get to know people. Howard said he doesn't spend a lot of time in the back area. He said he'd like that. Benjy said it would be great. He said that would be great for the wives too. Howard said they're going to do that too then. Robin said she loves Benjy today. Howard said maybe Benjy figured it all out.
Benjy said he's surprised that Howard never figured it out before. He said that he was holding back on that. Howard said Benjy should leave before he fucks it all up. He said he's rational Benjy today. He said he may talk to him at the party. Fred said he may want to have the music to play just in case he goes off on a tangent.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said he agrees about all of this. He said that the people with the cameras should stop too. He said you can't be yourself when you're on camera. Howard asked what the rule should be there. Benjy said you should ask the person or maybe have a rule about when they can bring them out. Ralph said if they had common sense it would work. Howard brought up Roy Moore when the common sense thing came up. Howard said you have to be heroes and say enough is enough. Benjy said he has some thoughts on that. Howard said he might want to think about what he's going to say. Howard said he should probably just stick to the party talk.
Gary said he knows what's coming. He said he thinks Howard is going to throw him out of the room. Howard said he did try to stop him. He told Benjy to go ahead. Benjy said he gets Howard saying that he won't vote for someone like that. He said he knows that it's part politics too. Howard said forget the politics. Benjy said that Howard has said that he would vote for Bill Clinton. Benjy said he was accused of rape. Howard said he wouldn't vote for him then. Howard thanked Benjy and kicked him out of the studio. Howard said he could have just fucking stuck to the party discussion. He said he was so a bro at that point. He said he just fucked it all up. Benjy said he has thoughts on the other candidate too. Howard said he has to get out of this.
Ralph asked why Benjy has to get into all of this other stuff. He said Gary said yesterday that he should do that.
Gary said he has Jeff the Drunk on the phone and he's very remorseful and he wants to apologize. Ralph said no way. He said fuck Jeff, he's dead. Benjy asked if he came into the room and started throwing chairs at him he wouldn't be able to speak right. He said that's how he feels with Howard. Howard told him to get out.
Howard asked if he has to hire a DJ or not. Robin said that they don't really need it. Ralph said they could just play music. He said they must have a sound system there. Howard said he may not need a DJ there. Howard said it's just another guy who wants to take a picture with him every minute. Ralph said they don't need Karaoke either.
Gary said some of the guys are thinking they could play music after Howard leaves. Howard asked what he should do here. He said they'll have a meeting about it later. Ralph said have a DJ and just play some mellow music while they have dinner. Howard said every year he has the same guy and he starts in with him asking for a picture. Howard said he just wants to have his party with his guys. Howard said every year this guy wants a picture. He said he hates pictures. He said he's not being a snob, he just doesn't like the way he looks. Ralph said the DJ should come out when Howard leaves. Howard said good then.
Howard said Ralph shows up late every year to the party. Ralph said he doesn't show up late. Robin said Howard is right and he does show up. Robin said she missed last year's party but every other year he shows up late. Ralph said he talks to people for an hour early.
Howard said someone said to him that Ralph may not even belong there. Howard said he doesn't work for the show anymore. Howard said he's a friend though so he invites him. Howard said that it's a time for the people who work there to get together. Robin said Wolfie is there though. Howard said he works for the show. Howard said Ralph works for him. Robin said she thinks of Ralph working for the show. Ralph said he has to get up at 8 and listens to the show and sends notes and stuff. He said it's very taxing on him. Ralph said Howard is using him. Howard said he's invited. Ralph said he doesn't want to see everyone. Howard let Ralph go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks this is a horrible idea lowering the music. She said that Howard doesn't want to talk to the people. Howard said he actually does. Howard said they don't socialize a lot and it's impossible to do that with the loud music. Howard said he thinks people are going to complain about not having the loud music but maybe they agree that it's too much.
The caller asked if he wants to get into a vortex with Benjy. Howard said he doesn't really do that off the air. Howard said he has to talk to everyone and he has to yell usually. Howard said now he can talk at a regular level. Howard said it's better without the music. Howard said they get way too big of a restaurant and it's too much space. He said the music kind of fills it in.
Howard said he's been to a restaurant where they had music playing too loud and he hates it. Howard said they have to yell over everything. Howard said it's too much. Howard said James Franco is there so he has to take a break. Howard said he's pissing a lot today too so he has to go to the bathroom too. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said they have a Christmas show coming up soon. Howard said Beetlejuice is part of it. He said they're going to have great songs and presentations. He said Gary is going to do a Deck the Halls with his phlegm. He played some of that song parody. Howard said Beetlejuice will be in a scene with Seth Rogen. He said James Cargill is going to come in and do a song about Robin too. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard played one of James' songs. He said Harvey Weinstein will do a bit for the special too. He said Jeff the Drunk would be part of it too but he quit the show.
Howard said James Franco is there. Howard said James is an academy award nominee. Howard said he looks very handsome as always. Howard asked if there's ever a time he's not handsome. James said maybe during this new movie. Howard said he hasn't seen James since ''The Interview.'' Howard said that's the movie they made about North Korea and Kim Jong Un. James said if you want to go back to that day it was a very fateful day. He said he had just done Saturday Night Live and they had just learned about the Sony hack but the emails weren't leaked yet. He said Howard said that Obama should have gone after the hackers because it was like a 9/11 attack. He said the next day they used Howard's words and said that if they put the movie out then there would be a 9/11 like attack. He said they stopped the press for the movie and that was it. He said they pulled the movie from the theaters after that. Howard asked if he's saying he did a good thing or bad. James said he doesn't know. He said it was a confusing time.
Howard said the Sony hack was a result of the movie. James said it's not clear but it seems like it was the North Koreans. Howard said that they shouldn't have used that or released any of the information. James said Sorkin did a piece about how the media was playing into what the hackers wanted.
Howard said he thinks that if a bomb was dropped on us that we'd come together. He said the hack was like getting a bomb dropped on us. James said it was what the hackers wanted. He said they wanted that information to hurt people.
Howard said that movie was funny and it was good. James said they have a movie coming out about the Pentagon papers. He said sometimes you want information out but not personal emails. He said it's to embarrass someone. Howard said it was a foreign nation going out and dictating what movies they can release. James said it was fascinating and the movie will go down in history for that. He said they weren't going out on a limb saying there were bad things going on over there. He said they didn't make anything up for the movie. He said they made it about what people believe over there.
Howard said Kim Jong Un took it as an insult because he didn't like the way he was portrayed. James said he hopes nothing happens after this. He said every time he comes on Stern his movie gets yanked. James said he was very proud of that movie and it was a comedy with some political commentary. He said then it became a pure political movie. He said they were coming out and saying it was their duty to go see this movie. Howard said that's a buzz kill. James said they didn't know there were dick jokes in it.
James said that people didn't see it for what it was. Howard said they can laugh about it now but at the time they could have been shot or assassinated. James said they were told the thing to worry about was being hacked. He said they put the trailer out in August and they made a statement like they thought Obama made the movie. He said he didn't make it so he's not sure why they told Obama to watch out. He said they were told to watch their accounts because of the hackers.
Howard said it's weird that they live in a time where they were able to crush that movie. James said they did release it on Pay-Per-View and it did very well. He said he thinks the movie could have killed that weekend. He said they got to see the movie a lot cheaper when families were watching for like 7 bucks.
Howard said he wants to talk to James about his new movie but he showed up at the Chris Cornell thing. James asked how he knew that. Howard said he keeps track of him. James said he didn't know him that well but he loved his music. He said his firs concert was Soundgarden. He said that was when he was in high school. Howard said that's a cool first concert. James said he later had some not so cool concerts after that. He said he don't want to say what they were. He said he went to a Phish concert. He said he didn't really have any interest in that though. Howard asked if he was bored out of his skull. James said he wasn't high out of his skull but he may have had a contact high.
Howard said he used to think you had to be high to see the Grateful Dead. Howard said he they had some okay songs. James said they had some.
Howard asked how he ended up at the funeral service for Chris Cornell. James said he met him through his brother in law. He said he was going to do a movie about Richard Ramirez. He said he was going to play Richard but he didn't do it. He said that he met with this guy and Chris and he brought up the concert and how they had made this movie about the concert. He said it was a kid on a bike being chased down by guys in a car. He said there was a song they had called Night Surfing and he turned him on to that again. Howard said Chris was down to earth. He said that's like Bobo and The Edge yesterday. He said they were down to earth too.
James said that there's a new documentary called Jim and Andy. He said it's about Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman. He said that Jim Carrey is gone in that old footage. He said his guest is that Bono, Cornell and Carrey do things and they think they're going to be satisfied. He said they have this drive for power and all of those things. He said it's not the end. Howard asked if he's saying that Chris died because he was done with everything. James said no. He said the Chris he knew was peaceful and gentle and giving. He said the speeches at the funeral were talking about that. He said that everyone was talking about how gentle and giving he was.
Howard asked if there was music there at the service. James said there was some. He said he can't remember what it was. He said Josh Brolin gave a speech there and it was really good. He said Chris was one of the best rock stars ever. He said he had a great voice and he didn't fall into the cliche of being an asshole. Howard said he heard Brad Pitt and Christian Bale were there too. James said they were. Howard said he was very beloved.
James said that Brad Pitt is another guy who is very sweet. Howard said he got the brush off from him once. James said he was probably going off of Howard's old reputation. He said they think he's the old Stern. Howard said he's always Stern. Howard said he doesn't know the guy.
James said that Jonah Hill is his biggest fan. Howard said he's on all the time. James said he talks about Howard all the time. He said Jonah is close with Brad so that's his way to him. James said he's a private guy and doesn't want to talk about a lot of stuff.
Howard said James is like the hardest working guy in show business. James said that Michael Shannon might be. He said he's in every movie. Howard said James is in every movie. James said he only worked this year for 2 weeks on a Cohen Brothers movie. He said that they're going on Netflix with that. Howard asked if they bust balls on set. James said they're great. He said they're his favorite so he was a little nervous working with them. He said they're super chill and relaxed though.
Howard asked James about directing his new movie. Howard said it's a crazy movie. Robin said it was out of this world. Howard said James was in character and he directed the movie. Howard said Seth Rogen said that he's directing as the character. James said he and Seth have talked about it. He said after they did it they talked about how crazy it was. He said they were wondering when the director acted in his own movie as a director acting in his own movie. He said that someone said that Clint Eastwood did it. He said he thinks that Clint wasn't in character as he was directing.
Howard said the character he plays in this was the guy who directed the movie ''The Room'' and his name is Tommy Wiseau. He puts up his own 6 million for this movie. Howard said he has a very strange accent. Howard asked if he can do it now. James said of course he can. He did it for Howard talking about ''The Room.''
Howard asked how that was directing in that voice. James said that Seth couldn't take it. He said he didn't do the Jim Carrey thing where he played Andy Kaufman. He said he didn't get that deep into it. James said that Jim Carrey was so deep that he was asked to bring Jim back.
Howard said this is some technique he learned. James said he didn't think about it. He said he had 2 and a half hours of prosthetics every morning and people were treating him different. He said it was just simpler to play the dude and keep going with it.
Howard said James had a job at McDonald's when he was 18. He said in order to perfect his acting technique he would perfect his accents and talk to people in voices. He was trying to pull it off. James said they were all bad and he didn't fool anybody. Howard asked him to do some of that for him. He did a bad Italian accent for Howard. James said all of the accents were bad. He said this year he came out with The Disaster Artist and The Deuce this year. He said that he has done the Brooklyn accent. He said he took a woman out while he was at McDonald's. Howard asked what accent he was doing. James said he was doing the Brooklyn accent.
Howard asked James about taking this woman out and what he did on the date. James said that he was doing the Brooklyn accent and he wasn't able to pull it off. Howard said he stayed in character. James said he had to break it to them when they'd call the house. He said that he'd pick up and say hello in his normal voice. He said then he would break it to them that he wasn't really from Brooklyn. He said the woman didn't like it that he was doing that.
Howard said if he got a girl like that he wouldn't do any accent. James said he would use comedy. Howard said he has to when he looks like this. James said he looks good. He said he has that growth on his face and it looks good. James said his accents were so bad that he was preparing for this Tommy Wiseau role.
Howard said James played James Dean when he was younger and he got so deep into that he smoked two packs of cigarettes a day. James said he did and that's a trivia question in Trivial Pursuit. He said he had a car that was handed down to him that he did some drag racing with to get into character. Howard asked if he has to become the guy to act. James said no. He said every young actor needs a role where they just go too far. Howard asked if he tells his students that when he teaches acting. James said not really. He said he did a movie after James Dean and he played a homeless heroin addict. He said it was a big deal for him playing Robert De Niro's son. He said what he did for that was go to a mission and get a bunk for the night. He said he went in and they give you a shower and feed you. He said the chicken they give you looks bad. He said everyone there was eating it. He said he had a friend there with him and he told him to eat it. He said he didn't want to get caught. James said he went in and got this bunk and you're in a big room with 40 guys. Howard asked if he thinks he's crazy. James said no. He said he was talking to his brother about it and he's 7 years younger than him. He said that he's in this movie with him. Howard said he didn't know that was his brother. James said that his brother asked if he had to go stay in that mission. James said maybe not but it's good to have those experiences. Howard said it shows you care.
James said he knows how to handle it now. He said he knows how much prep to do for a role. Howard said he learned to fly to play a pilot. James said he did 6 months of training for that. He said he was told he can't fly though. He said he got the license but he didn't keep it up. Howard said the director has to care about that. James said they do.
Howard asked if he will get an Academy Award for this new movie. James said he doesn't know. He said Tommy Wiseau kept his movie in the theaters for 2 weeks on his own dime just to make it possible to be a nominee. Howard said he has to get Tommy in there to talk about that.
Howard asked James about teaching a class in college. He said James is shooting movies and writing books and all of this. James said he only worked 2 weeks this year. Howard asked if he's stopping and smelling the roses. James said that's what this year was. He said that's what he's telling Howard now. Howard said he learned ukulele this year. Howard asked why he would do that. James said it's not a cool instrument and there is no desire to learn how to play it. Howard said he respects James because he went and worked on a soap opera. Howard said he respects that. James said that he's slowing down as he's getting older. He said he's putting more care and attention into his life. Howard asked how a woman can be in a relationship with him. James said he only worked 2 weeks this year. He said he has a woman and he's been with her for 6 months. He said she's not an actress. Howard said that's so James Franco not to date an actress.
James said he had a list of values he wrote down. He said one of them was that it would be better if she wasn't an actress. He said he put the energy out to the universe and he ran into her in a parking garage. He said it sounds creepy. He said he was driving out and she gave him a big smile and he was driving away and he stopped. He said he wondered if he passed ''the one'' or not. He said it was a little creepy. He said he waited for her to come out and he stopped and talked to her and asked her to coffee. James said they had a date an hour long and it was just coffee. He said it was a week later. He said he was a total gentleman. He said they went on this date and it worked out. He said she is in grad school. He said that he loves taking photos and he takes them of everything. He said they didn't have any of their first date and he realized it a month later. He said the Paparazzi had them though. He said it was the one time he was happy for that. Howard said he can check her out then. James said he can. Howard said look at him in a committed relationship.
Robin asked what changed him. James said it was therapy and a series of events that did it. He said he has achieved everything and he's not sure where he was racing to. He said he realized he was running from something. He said that this Jim Carrey documentary made him think of himself. He said that Jim talked about how when he was done playing Andy he had all of his own things come flooding back. James said that he was wondering what he was doing. Howard said he likes this notion that he was running away from his own life. Howard said he was doing busy work to avoid his life.
James said he did a lesbian vampire movie for Lifetime. Howard said he was obsessed with the gay characters for a while. James said he wasn't obsessed but he did like the roles. Howard said maybe he'll have a marriage and kids. James said he is thinking about it.
Howard said it's a very difficult thing when you look like him and he has a life. He said that it's not easy to find ''the one.'' James said it wasn't about anyone else for him. He said look at Chris Cornell and Bono. He said you can be a good guy and be the most famous dude in the world. He said the lack of finding someone was on him. He said he just wasn't ready. Howard asked if he had to learn to just say no. James said it was like you learn that nothing is going to give you lasting happiness.
Howard said he wants to get into this new movie. Howard said the movie ''The Room'' was a cult classic bad movie. Howard said it's one of those movies that's just not that great. James said there are people who watch it together and do the rituals and that's amazing. Howard said James made a movie about it called ''The Disaster Artist.'' Howard said that they tell how this movie was made and who made it. James said that what he saw in the book was that they took a story about what is thought of as a failure and tell the story of every artist with a dream. He said Tommy and Greg have the same passion as he did. He said they dreamed as big as those guys. Howard said some guys just aren't good at it and they don't know it. Howard said there are bands that don't know they're bad and they fail. Howard said the key was that Tommy had the money to finance it himself but no one knows how he had the money. James said he put it on the line and put his money where his mouth was. He said he says now he intended it to be a comedy. He said he put his heart on the line too.
Howard said James respects Tommy for what he did. He just didn't have that much talent. James said that's the story they're telling. He said it's the story of his heart. He said that's what people are surprised by.
Howard said James still doesn't know how Tommy made the money. James said that Howard can ask him. He said that he can't ask about it. James said he was selling Levis jeans. He said that the one thing he knows is how old he is. He said he hates to blow him up but he tried to use an ID to get into this building and he used a fake ID. Howard asked how old he is. James said he thinks he's in his 60s. Howard asked how old he said he was. James said they have to look at the fake ID.
Howard asked if Tommy was on the set. James said he came one time. He said he had a cameo in the movie. He said he insisted that he was opposite him. He said that he wanted him in the movie but he didn't want to play opposite him. He said that doesn't make any sense. James said Tommy has to admit this that he sent a text 3 days before he came in and he was in a Lens Crafters asking what he thought of the glasses. He said he had drawn on a moustache on his own face. He said he would draw it on better for the movie if he wanted. He said he could get him a fake one.
Howard said the movie must have been tough to make. James said Tommy was so sweet. He said they made the movie and cut the scene because it didn't make sense. He said then they recreated scenes from ''The Room'' and they wanted to do a side by side comparison with the original. He said during that renegotiation to get that they asked about his scene. He said they had to tell him he was cut.
James said that Tommy used to record himself and he would listen to them to get into character. He said that he was trying to lose the accent with a coach but he wasn't able to lose it. He said he has that tape.
Howard asked how he came up with making this movie. James said he brought it to Seth and asked him to help him make this. He said he knows how bizarre and crazy it is. He said he can see the potential for this movie. He said Seth and Evan took it to Newline and they had fans of The Room there. He said they were super supportive.
Howard said he wants to meet Tommy. He had the guys bring him in. Tommy Wiseau came in and he was wearing a bunch of belts. Howard said he looks very handsome. James said that he can see he's wearing Wiseau underwear. He has his own underwear.
Tommy gave Howard something to Howard and Robin. They were dog tags. James said he's wearing Wiseau pants too. Tommy said that he wants to strangle James over the fake ID thing. Howard asked if he lies about his age. Tommy said he feels like he's 34. He asked how old he thinks he is. Howard said he would think he's in his 40s.
Howard said when people say that he made the worst movie ever he's not insulted. Tommy said not at all. He said as long as you have groovy time that's what's important to him.
Howard said Tommy says that he was born in America but he has this accent. Tommy said he was and he doesn't like to talk about his personal life. Howard asked if he has trauma in his life. Tommy said when you're an actor you always have trauma. Tommy said he has choices there and he can say he's American now. Howard asked where he was born. James asked him where he was born in Polish. Tommy said just let it go. Howard said he'll let it go. He said if this movie is good... Tommy said it is good. He said James did a good job. He said that it's very complex. Howard said he didn't want James to play him. He wanted Johnny Depp. Tommy said he did but James optioned the book and he talked with Greg and all of that. James said he did have someone else in mind for it. Tommy said long story short he did the movie Sonny and he liked that.
Howard said Tommy is a wealthy man. He said he wants to make a movie and he takes 6 million of his own money and no one knows where it comes from. Tommy said he made it in real estate and retail.
James asked how he got the real estate. Tommy said you buy it and sell it. Howard said he has a theory. Tommy said he wants to finish. Howard asked James if he'll bring Tommy to the Oscars if he gets nominated for an Oscar. James said he will if he wants to go.
Tommy said the retail business is very complex. He said he also designs stuff. He said you can go to TommyWiseau.com to see. He said that he made The Room in 2003. He said he goes way back.
James said he went jogging in San Francisco and Tommy made his own commercial for something. He said he has a place called Street Fashion and he ended up there at 555 Beet Street. He said he realized he was there and he tried to go in and it's not even there. He asked how he sells that much if the place isn't even there. Howard said there are a lot of mysteries here.
Howard asked when Tommy was growing up were his parents good to him. Tommy said they were. Howard said that James is having a problem with his headphones. Howard asked Tommy about growing up and making his own movie are his parents proud of him. Tommy said his mom saw the movie and she liked it. He said his dad died a long time ago. Howard asked if his mom was upset that he spent so much on the movie. Tommy said that she didn't like the love scene he did. James said there are many love scenes in the movie.
Tommy said that he had to change the crew 4 times on the movie because of conflict of interest. James tried explaining it but Tommy cut him off and said he didn't care.
Howard asked about the love scene and if he got a full erection. James told him to be careful. Tommy said they were very professional. He said he has a problem with the thing you wear on the front. James said the legend is that he directed wearing a cock sock. Tommy said ''yeah.'' Howard said he must have a big cock. Tommy said that's his business.
Howard said that people are going to be poking around in Tommy's life now. Tommy said he doesn't mess with drugs or anything. He said that he is drinking Red Bull right now so that's his drug. Howard asked Tommy if he has tried weed or hash or hash oil. He asked if he's tried acid. Tommy wasn't saying.
Howard asked if Tommy has any women in his life. Tommy said he does have a woman. Howard asked if James has ever met her. James said he had no idea he had a woman. He asked if her name is Raul. Tommy said he's implying something. Howard asked if he's implying he's having gay sex. James said he's never met a woman but he did meet Raul.
Tommy said he wanted to do something different so that's what he did. Howard asked if he ever had gay sex. Tommy asked what that has to do with him.
Howard said he's going to compare accents between Tommy and James. Tommy said his accent changed since the movie. James said it never changes. Howard said he wants the two of them to have a conversation. James was asking Tommy some questions as Tommy. Howard said this is really good. Tommy said he likes the swimming pool scene with his brother. James said he wasn't even in that scene.
Tommy was going on and on about something that no one understood. Howard said that he heard Tommy criticized them for not lighting the movie right. Howard said he likes the way he cuts words out. Tommy said sometimes you have to make up time. Howard asked if James doesn't know how to light a movie. Tommy said he doesn't know. He said he's not there to criticize anyone. He said if they have a studio like this one Howard is in they do it right. James said that they didn't light it for people who wear glasses. Howard said Tommy has seen this movie like 3 times already. James said he was expecting someone to make a movie about his life.
Tommy went over the lighting thing again. Howard cut him off and said he likes Tommy because he has an opinion about everything. Tommy said they should. Howard said they should all laugh like Tommy. James had it down. Howard said James did a good job with this movie. Howard said it's exciting.
Howard said they have learned that he will go to the Academy Awards if they're nominated. Howard said that they learned that he has a girlfriend too. Howard asked Tommy what he has to say about President Trump. Tommy said he thinks we should create a better tomorrow. He got back to ''The Room'' and went over that. Howard said it's crazy that he made that movie and they say he's not a good filmmaker. He asked if he will ever make another movie. Tommy made a joke about that. He said he's currently working on ''The Neighbors'' and he is working on a new vampire movie too. Howard asked who he'd like to work with. James mentioned Johnny Depp. Howard asked Tommy who he would go to. Tommy said Anthony Hopkins. James asked how he got this style. Tommy said what you see there is 80 percent designed by him.
Howard asked Tommy if James Franco annoys the shit out of him. Tommy said sometimes. Howard asked if he wants him to shut up. Tommy said he gives people space. He said that some people can be full of themselves. Howard said James has gotten used to goofing on him. James said he likes him so that's why he does it. Howard asked if Tommy does an impression of James. Tommy said he can. He did a really bad impression of James saying he used to be a teacher and now he's not.
Howard said this is a crazy situation. Howard said the movie The Room was made by Tommy 14 years ago and there was a book about it and now James has made a movie out of that book. Howard said that this is a story about a movie this man made and it's considered the worst movie ever made. Howard said congratulations on this great accomplishment. James said Howard and Robin liked it. Howard said he did. James said it's an inspiring movie and it's a story about dreamers. He said you don't even need to see The Room to like it.
Howard asked Tommy how old he was when he first had sex. Tommy said he was 17 years old. James asked if that was 10 years ago. Howard asked if he has ever had a threesome. Tommy said he has. He didn't want to talk about it. He said go to see The Room. Howard asked if he's ever had a famous woman. Tommy said he has but he can't say who it is. Howard asked if it's Halle Berry. Tommy said he can't say. Howard asked if it's Angelina Jolie or Kate Winslet. Tommy said he can't say.
Howard asked if ''The Room'' made money. Tommy said it did. He said that it made more than he spent. He said that when James started making this movie The Room was very well known around the world. Howard asked if he would work with Mel Gibson. Tommy said he would. He said everyone makes a mistake. He said that he wouldn't work with Kevin Spacey though. He said he won't work with Harvey Weinstein either.
Howard said it would be great if they were friends outside of all of this. Tommy said they have. James said Tommy wants to walk with him in Central Park. Howard said the Paparazzi would be great on that. Howard said they're going to go walking today. Tommy said he would like to. Howard said it would be great if they were roommates. Howard said this is a fascinating story.
Howard gave James a plug for the movie ''The Disaster Artist'' and asked if Tommy has met the girlfriend yet. Tommy said he did at the premiere. James said her name is Isabelle. James said that he met Cris Jenner there too. He asked if he knows who she is. Tommy said there he goes again. Howard asked if he would date Caitlyn Jenner. Tommy said why not. Howard asked if he knows Caitlyn Jenner. Tommy told him to move on. Howard asked if he's attracted to Transgender. Tommy said he doesn't think so. He said he doesn't think you should change your own stuff. Tommy said that he doesn't think you should mess with things and you should just be yourself.
Howard asked if Tommy still wants to walk with James in Central Park today. Tommy said that he does. He said he's a nice guy. Howard said he has so many questions for him. Tommy said they'll do it next time. Howard had everyone laugh like Tommy again. Tommy got in some plugs and then Howard wrapped up with the guys. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he never got to do his Jimi Hendrix tribute. Howard said he'll do that tomorrow. Howard said that he has a song parody where Daniel Mendelson goofs on JD doing U2 songs. Howard played some of that song.
Howard said he hasn't seen that movie The Room. Robin said she has to go watch it. Howard said he saw the trailer and it didn't look good.
Howard said it's time for news. They played her into it with a song parody. Howard said he was watching Saturday Night Live with this Saoirse Ronan hosting. Howard and Robin were talking about the pronunciation of her name. Howard said he liked the movie ''Ladybird'' that she was in. He said there are a lot of good movies out. Robin said she's glad she did Saturday Night Live so she could get a handle on her name.
Howard said he thinks that Robin talked about Time Magazine naming the person of the year. Howard said they're not what they used to be. He said that Trump said he was up for it but Time says that he wasn't considered. Howard said they say that Jeff Bezos is one of the guys. Robin said another one was the director of Wonder Woman. Howard said they have Trump on the list too. Howard said Kim Jong Un is on the list to. Howard read some of the other names on the list. Howard said the only person who could be considered the man of the year is Trump. Howard said it's not about the greatest man it's just the guy who made the biggest impact. Howard said they seem to be dragging it all out. Robin said it has to be Trump.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what they have to do to get Tommy in the Wack Pack. Howard said that was pretty great. He said he liked Franco doing the impression and interviewing him. Howard said he agrees they have to get him into it. Howard said maybe Tommy can replace Jeff the Drunk. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that the Mooch has made up with his wife and they're back together. Robin said that he was rumored to have been going out with Kimberly Guilfoyle. Howard said he's not sure the Mooch could handle her. Howard said he seems short. Howard said she could be the Gooch.
Howard said he saw that Larry Caputo and his wife the Long Island Medium have divorced. Howard said maybe Sal can give them a scoop. Robin said he won't give up anything. Sal said he knows what they know. Howard said they are divorcing. Sal said they are separated. Howard asked if Sal will put his back on now. Sal said no way. He said that Larry is on the west coast now. He said he can't hang with him now. He said they can't hang and talk about their lives.
Howard said he saw that Richard is back to work after a month off. Howard asked if Sal knows anything about the separation. Sal said not really. Howard said he has to know something. Howard said he must be entitled to that money the wife is making. Sal said that time will tell. He said it's going to be public knowledge. He said they were getting along and she was traveling a lot. He said that put a strain on the marriage. Sal said that she wasn't so happy about him being around so much.
Howard said Sal got some kind of weird spray tan. Sal said he did it himself. He said he was patting over his eyes and he looks like a reverse raccoon. He said he did a light mist and then it was too much. Sal said he saw himself in the mirror and tried to tan up. Howard said he did his belly too. Sal said he did a little bit. Robin said that's something you do on the weekend not when you're going to work.
Sal said that Ed Torian told him he had tits like a barn animal. Howard asked who cares about that. He said he's not fucking Ed.
Howard asked Sal if he said anything to Richard. He asked why his hands are shaking. Sal said he has essential tremors. Gary had him turn around to see the tan line on the back of his neck. Howard said there is a line.
Howard asked Sal why he didn't get invited over. Sal said Richard didn't think it was a big deal. Howard said he can't talk to him now anyway. He said he looks like a Cheeto. Howard said he'll talk to them some other time. Howard said they thought Sal had a good relationship with Richard. He asked what's wrong with him doing self tanning. Robin said he shaves his chest all because Ed Torian said something to him once. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about airlines doing anti-racism training. Robin read about what they're going to be doing by early next year with this training.
Robin read a story about a fake sign language person signing during the announcement of the serial killer in Tampa recently. Robin said that they say that the person was signing gibberish. Howard laughed. Robin said it's not a crime but the cops aren't sure why this person was faking it.
Robin read a story about earthworms being mated in a mix of soil that is like the soil on Mars. Robin read the details of that story. Howard said Fred's console is covered in that soil. Howard said there is no environment there to live in. He said he's not sure why they're bothering.
Robin read a story about how whites and blacks are using different drugs but they're dying at the same rate. Robin said cocaine is killing blacks as fast as opioids are killing whites. Robin said that's what this study says. Robin said they say that the cocaine deaths are being ignored.
Robin read a story about McDonald's rolling out a dollar menu next month. Robin said it will have a new chicken sandwich and some other new products. Howard said fuck them. He said they've been shitty to him in his career. He said they'd pull their ads from the stations they would go on. Gary said when they were at NBC they weren't allowed to run within 2 hours of his show. Howard said he'd like to thank them for that. He said that if you want to debate morality he was carrying on about sex but he wasn't killing people with the shit food they have. Howard said it wasn't only McDonald's that pulled their ads. He said it was Burger King and Coke too. Howard said they all pulled their ads. Howard said he and Robin used to eat at Roy Rogers all the time so they got fat. Howard said they put him through shit but everyone is thin in their commercials. Howard said they should use JD, Jon Hein and Jason in their ads to show their real customers.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought the interview with Tommy this morning was great. He said that he knew that he'd make money from the movie by making it so bad. Howard said he doesn't think he was that well thought out. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the supreme court hearing a case about a bakery that refused to bake a cake for a gay wedding. Howard said get over it already. Howard said he knows so many gay people and they're nice.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk is back on the line. Howard asked why he's calling in again. Jeff said he's calling to end things in good standing. Howard said he can call him an asshole again. Jeff said he's not going to do that. Howard said he called everyone an asshole this morning. Jeff said he's always felt that he's part of the Wack Pack. Howard thanked him for calling in and hung up on him.
Robin said that Charlie Rose is in the news. Robin said he must have stayed home until last night. Robin said he was at the Time magazine gala. Howard said he just had to resign in disgrace and he shows up at this event. Howard said that's something. Howard said he'd be hiding under a rock. He said he'd be living in the soil from Mars with the worms. Robin said he was at the party and no one said anything. Robin said an award that was given to him from Duke University has been rescinded. Howard asked if they can do that. Robin said sure they can. Howard said he likes that Charlie just shows up at this event after everything going on.
Robin said Dustin Hoffman was at the anniversary of the movie Wag the Dog. Robin said John Oliver confronted Dustin about his allegations. Robin said Dustin said he wasn't there and Oliver said he's glad he wasn't.
Howard said he has The Lump on the phone who wants to say goodbye again. Howard said he's sad for The Lump because Jeff is leaving the show. The Lump said he has some things going on but no plan B at the time. Howard said if Jeff calls in again he should call back. The Lump said he will.
Howard said that the Time gala was back in April. Robin said she didn't check the date on that. Robin said they gave an explanation about that and the awards being rescinded. Howard asked if she has anything on the Titanic sinking. Robin laughed.
Robin said that the head of the New York City ballet is coming under fire for some sexual harassment claims. Howard asked if that story is from today. Robin said it is. Howard said he thought it was front 1981.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein and how that investigation is going. Robin said there may be more victims out there that haven't come forward. Howard said they don't know. He said it could be the tip of the iceberg. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that.
Robin read a story about Mitt Romney unloading on Roy Moore. Howard said Mitt Romney has it right. He said that he has questionable shit going on and they're voting for him no matter what. Howard said he's wondering where the heroes are who are going to reject this guy. Howard said here are so many women coming forward. Howard said the voters don't care. Robin said Mitt Romney said that he would be a stain on the GOP. Robin had some other quotes from Mitt about Roy Moore. Howard said this guy has some major shit going on. He said they don't seem to have an agenda. He said he's not sure what's going on. Robin said there's a woman who came forward who said she dated Roy Moore when she was 17 and he as 34. Robin said she has some proof that they dated. Robin said at the time it was a badge of honor to be dating an older man at the time. Robin said now she has second thoughts on that. Howard had clips of Wood Yi on the phone talking about how he supports Roy Moore.
Robin read a story about Billy Bush and how he might be coming back. Robin said he is saying all the right things and he's being supportive of the women who have had things going on with President Trump. Robin said that he was on Colbert last night. She had some audio clips for Howard to play from that interview.
Robin read a story about Matt Lauer still apologizing but NBC is trying to scrub him from their history. Robin said he's still emailing his colleagues at NBC apologizing. Robin said that they say that he and his wife have been living separate lives for years. Howard said they cold say that about him and his wife too. He said he's working. Robin said they say that he lives on his own and they live their separate lives. Howard said he doesn't know anything just like Sal. Robin asked if he reached out to Matt. Howard said he did but he's not going to say what he said. Howard said he thinks he just knows not to do that shit. He said his mother would get a hold of him and tell him to respect women. He said that he's no better or worse than a woman. Howard did his impression of his mom telling him all of this. Robin said he sounds as outraged as his mother in that. Howard asked what she's talking about, that was his mother. Howard did more of his impression of her talking about respecting women.
Robin read a story about two national monuments that President Trump has down sized. Robin said that the native Americans were upset about that. Robin said they consider this sacred lands. Robin said they're shrinking the monuments. Robin said it's going to take years to fight this in courts.
Howard said that he has a guy on the phone who has information on the Saudi prince that they want information on. Howard said if he calls back tomorrow maybe they can get into that. Howard said that these other countries are really fucked up. He said that you better thank god you live in America. Howard asked how we live in a world like this with Kim Jong Un in it. Robin said some people are still living in the 15th century. Howard said this is a world where Jeff the Drunk has an iPhone X.
Robin read about how Eli Manning is getting his job back. Robin said he's starting with the Cowboys and the coach who benched him has been fired. Howard said he benched him long enough to ruin his streak of starting games. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started the show talking about how they're having so much fun already. He said he just had the boys in there going over the events of the day. He said they have a lot to talk about. He said yesterday he was talking about Richard Christy coming back from paternity leave. He said he had a month off for that. He said he just had a baby Carson and he's hearing how unprepared he was. He said they were talking about him having a one bedroom apartment and he thought it was going to be sleeping with them. He said now he's in shock because they haven't gotten any sleep. He said the baby was crying so much they went to the doctor thinking something was wrong. The doctor said it was growing pains. Fred laughed and said bullshit.
Howard said he's an idiot. He said he told him. Robin said they thought it was going to be easy. Howard said it's like talking to a moron. He said Richard said he can't wait for him to turn 18 so he can come to Munich for Octoberfest. Howard said he wants an 18 year old and the kid was just born. He said he just wants to drink with him.
Howard said they were coaching Richard on his new life. He said he'll go to a Christmas party and the wife will have to stay home. He has to go home and tell her that he had a bad time there. Howard said Richard's life used to be where they'd have this party and Richard would be the last one to leave. Howard said now she can't go and he has to go and she'll be resentful. Robin said he should take paternity leave from the party. Howard said then he's going to get home and want to sleep in and the baby won't care. Howard said Richard will want the baby to quiet down.
Howard asked where that imbecile is. He said Richard said he thinks the baby will be a painter because he stares at a painting on the wall. Howard said Richard's parents haven't seen the baby so he has to call someone near where they live and send them a picture. He said that Goober has to bring the iPhone 25 miles to the house. Howard said then they show them the picture. Richard came in and said that's right.
Howard said Richard took the baby's picture and he took the baby's soul with that. Howard congratulated Richard on the baby. He said secondly he's in shock. He said he knows he's in shock. Richard said he never thought it was going to be easy. He said it's totally worth every second. Howard said he went and got a one bedroom apartment. Richard said that's fine. Howard said he doesn't think it's a mistake. Richard said they're living in the living room with the baby. He said they want to be around the baby. Howard asked if he's getting any sleep at all. Richard said his wife is watching the baby while he sleeps in the bedroom. He said on the weekends he's going to be sleeping with the baby.
Howard asked if he's drinking at all. Richard said he doesn't want to be buzzed at all around the baby. Howard said Richard used to close the Christmas party. Richard said he knows to behave around him. Howard said he doesn't have to behave.
Howard said the guys just said he closed the party last year. Gary said they have conflicting reports. He said some people say he closed it but Ronnie said he left around 11 or 11:30.
Howard said congrats on the baby again. He said that Richard can't wait for the baby to be 18 so he can get drunk with him.
Howard said Richard didn't send Sal a picture of his baby. Richard said he told JD and Ronnie about it but they talk to Howard in the morning. He said Sal doesn't talk to Howard in the morning. He said he did let Sal know. He said Sal was the first one to get a picture. Gary said that's not true. Richard said he's jealous of Larry Caputo, he'll admit it. Howard said when Sal didn't get that picture it rocked this place. Richard said that's what he heard.
Howard asked if he got to eat the baby's placenta. Richard said he had other things on his mind. He said he didn't ask. Richard said he was the first one to hold the baby. He said you feel a love that you've never felt before. Howard said Sal still hasn't seen the baby. Richard said no one has. He said they're waiting for him to get the shots. Robin said if he's around Richard he'll be fine around anyone. Robin said he doesn't bathe.
Howard asked if Richard is drinking at all. Richard said he'll have one a night. He said he takes an hour or so a night to drink it. Howard asked if it's hard to come down off of that. Richard said no. Howard said come on. He said he has to be getting the DTs. Richard said he didn't think about it a lot.
Gary said he heard Richard has to have a beer on this day because it's St. Nicholas day in Europe. Robin said this is what everyone does to start. Robin said they think about it all in the beginning. Robin said once they get to the point where they're used to the baby they will start having those things creep back in. Howard said he's not sure what he's doing. He said he hears drips and drabs. Howard said everything is not wonderful like Richard is saying it is. Richard said they knew it was going to be hard. He said they're doing fine.
Howard said that they're not going to bust his balls too much. He said he can go back to work now. Richard said he and his wife love the baby so much. Robin said of course they do.
Howard said he has to hand it to the CW. He said they have a bunch of super hero shows on that network. Howard they put together a 4 part series crossover between the shows. Howard said they must have sunk a billion dollars into it. He said it was really good. He said it brought him back to those shows. Howard farted. He said he's sorry about that. Howard said comic books got really complicated. He said in this one there were 53 earths. Robin said it is confusing.
Howard picked up on a fake Mariann from Brooklyn who was asking why he didn't like the comic book. She said she's sending a necklace made of Jew teeth to him too.
Howard said Mariann is a very nice woman. He said she sent a Happy Thanksgiving card too. Howard said no one ever sent a card like that. Howard said Mariann is very nice so she sent one. Robin said it's odd when you just think of their religion or race. Howard said he was slapped a yarmulke so it's hard not to.
Howard said he watched the Carol Burnett 50th anniversary special. Robin said she missed it. She said she would have taped it but she forgot about it. Howard said it's DVR, not tape. Howard said the show was very good. He said it's enough already though. He said he's seen every clip.
Howard said Jay Leno was on the show and his head is enormous. He said he got heavier and he came out to sit next to Carol and his head took up the whole Carol Burnett. Robin said it looks like a balloon at the Macy's Day parade. Howard said Jay must be sick. He said there's something going on there with that head. He said he's never seen a bigger head. Robin asked if it's getting hard for him to carry that head around. Howard said he has a big face.
Howard said he doesn't care about Jay. He said what Jay did to him wasn't right. He said he told him that on the phone and he stopped being his friend. He said he was patronizing him when he spoke to him. He said he was an angry young man and it was the whole Stuttering John thing. Howard said he was happy for John but Jay just grabbed one of his guys behind his back. Howard said if he had just given him a heads up he would have been cool with it. He said Jay should have just owned up to it. He said he was getting put down buy the guy and it was insulting.
Howard said he blew off steam and the feud happened. He said that now he's older and a bit wiser. He said he doesn't hate Jay. He said he never did. He said he's a great stand up. Robin said he has always said that.
Howard said Jay's head was shocking to him. He said he's never seen a head grow like that. Gary said he saw it too. He said he thought that the hair being white made it look bigger. Howard said Jay is also tan and that doesn't help. Robin said maybe his neck has disappeared. Howard said something is going on there. He said that his head stays the same. He said Jay's fat must be going into his head. He asked how that's humanly possible. Robin said that happened to Jerry Lewis too. Howard said that came from medication that he was taking. Howard said Jay isn't saying why this is happening.
Howard said someone once told him that actors and actresses have big heads. He said that the most successful ones have big heads. Robin said Merv Griffin picked Vanna White because she had a big head. Howard said maybe Merv told him that. Robin said maybe it was him.
Robin said Robert De Niro had a big head too. Howard said Jay should be the most successful man on TV. Howard said he didn't know Vanna White got the job because she had a big head. Robin said that's what it was.
Howard had Mariann from Brooklyn on the phone. He asked why she would send him that. Mariann said it was some fan art work and it was a reminder of the holocaust. Howard said he doesn't need a reminder. Howard let Mariann go and said that Gary was the one who told him about this comic book. He said that he threw it across the room at Fred. Howard said it's horrible. He said he should have asked Mariann what her favorite story was in the book. Gary said he read Howard one about Nazis burning down a house and the family lives in a brewery. They lived there with no food but they could hear their neighbors being killed. He said that was it. Gary said there's a picture of someone lifting their shirt and showing they're skin and bones.
Howard said he's gotten first hand accounts of the holocaust. Howard said this is like sending a comic book of the Sandy Hook shootings to the parents of the kids. Howard said if you think about it, this is the children who lived through the holocaust. Howard said it's stories through children's lives. Howard said it might not even be the real story.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Mariann adds nothing to the show and he has to stop taking her calls. She said it's every day all day. Howard said everyone was happy that Jeff the Drunk quit the show. The caller said she wishes she would quit the show. Howard asked if Jeff should go and take Mariann with him. The caller said absolutely. Howard asked if she wants to tell her that to her face. She said yes.
Howard put Mariann back on with the caller and let Melanie tell Mariann. Melanie said they can't take her voice and she adds nothing to the show. Mariann asked how prejudice she is to not like her voice. Mariann and Melanie went back and forth yelling over each other. Mariann asked what she's bringing to the show. Melanie said she's bringing prayers that she stops calling. Mariann asked who she is to say that. Melanie asked if she listens back to the show. They were talking over each other.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing the part of a woman who didn't like Melanie's voice on the show. They were doing a Mariann impression as Ann Marie.
Howard asked Melanie if she wants to play a game. Melanie said she would love to. Howard said he has her locked in. Howard said he has another caller who says he loves Mariann's calls. The caller said her voice is angelic. He said he disagrees with Melanie on Mariann. Howard said there it is.
Howard said they gave Beetlejuice the phrase ''Close but no...'' Howard asked Melanie if he'll know. Melanie said no way. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''Weed.''
Howard said they gave Beetlejuice the phrase ''Curiosity killed the...'' Melanie said no way he'll know that. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''Fucking cat... i killed four fucking cats.''
Howard said they gave Beetlejuice the phrase ''Bit off more than you can...'' Melanie said that she's going with ''no.'' Howard played Beet's answer which was ''than you can have or you can eat sandwiches.''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she can't believe he's letting her play this game but she hopes she wins. She said it's the most wonderful time of the year. Melanie wished her a merry Christmas too. Howard let Mariann go after that.
Howard said they gave Beetlejuice the phrase ''Hit the nail right on the...'' Melanie said she thinks he'll know that one. Howard played Beet's answer which was ''right on someone's brain or on the head.'' Howard said he heard head so she got it. Howard made some jerking off sounds and said he's jerking off into this plant.
Howard said Melanie can take her prize or she can ban Mariann from the show forever. Melanie said that she feels like she needs to take one for the team but she'll take the system. Howard said Mariann is staying with the show. Howard said she wants that prize for herself. Howard said she just won the sound system from SVS Sound worth $999.99. Howard put her on hold so Gary could set her up with her prize. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said they're putting the finishing touches on Robin's Christmas music too. He said that will be part of the special. Howard said they have so many songs. He said the Bobo Sucks song will be on there. Howard played some of the song. He said they have so many songs. He said they have Harvey Weinstein doing a song. He played some of the parody that they put together about Harvey using real clips of Harvey talking.
Howard said Daniel Mendelson will stop by with a song. Howard played one of his songs about Robin. He said it's going to be some show. Howard said it will be a lot of music and sketches and people stoping by.
Howard said something so spectacular is going to happen on the show. He said he's not sure if he should say. He said he will say. He said they're going to be Christmas Prostate Karaoke with a bunch of the guys. Howard said Dr. Fisch will be part of that. Howard said that they will be doing that and everyone should tune in for that. Howard said it's where all of the fun will be.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to know who is playing. He said Elephant Boy, Medicated Pete, Shuli, Brent and Perez Hilton will be doing the prostate karaoke thing. Howard said Perez says he's going to win. Howard said that will happen. He said that Perez can take a finger up his ass like no one. Howard said he bets Pete will do Purple Rain.
Howard said they're trying to help people by highlighting the prostate exam. He said it should be a great show.
Howard said he's pretty pussy whipped. He said she tells him to do something and that's it. He said she'll freeze him out on things if he doesn't do what she says. Howard said his mom would do that to him too. He said his mom wouldn't talk to him for days if his room was a mess. He said he's making a comic book out of that. Robin said she's looking at the holocaust comic book and it's horrible. Robin said it has a story where you don't even have to read it. She said you can see it in the panels. Robin said the girl gets a box of ashes when she thinks her dad is coming home.
Howard said he interrupted the caller. He asked the caller what's up. The caller said he wanted to talk about the interview with James and Tommy. He said it was incredible. Howard said they got a lot of tweets and stuff about James Franco and Tommy Wiseau. The caller, Colin, said he wanted even more of that. He said he was thinking about Jeff the Drunk being off the show and maybe they can put Tommy in the Wack Pack. Howard said what he loved about that was James sitting on the couch and James would pop in with some sarcastic comment in the Tommy voice. He said from what he heard Franco and Tommy Wiseau were going to go on a walk in Central Park and they actually went and did it. Howard said James was going to go for a run and Ronnie said they were going to go for that walk and James was going to go for a run. Colin said James was going to run from Tommy. Howard said maybe that was his escape plan.
Colin said he thinks it would be great if Tommy went out with Tan Mom. Howard said if they got him in there and then introduced him to Tan Mom or Wendy it would be interesting. Colin said the guy is really interesting. Howard said he couldn't crack that guy. Robin said it took a while. Robin said she can't stop thinking about the 3 belts he was wearing. Howard said he liked that he asked James if he was taking over Howard Stern Show now. He said Tommy found James annoying but he's the only one who will make that movie about him. Howard said he had some great lines about how he challenged Hollywood and James was asking him in his voice if he really did.
Colin said he hopes Howard and Robin keep going for a long time. Howard said if you call in just say you love him and not Robin. He said if you say you love Howard that means you love Howard, Robin and Fred. Colin said they're awesome. Howard said it would be easier if they all just compliment him. Robin said they're all Negan.
Howard had some email about Benjy and his Christmas Party thing. He said someone asked him to get him out of the studio. Howard said people just don't like his voice. He asked what he could do about that. Fred said he has to go under a major campaign. Howard said Benjy seems to be reasonable off the air. Fred said he thinks that he goes off into Zimzim land. Howard asked what that is. Fred said it's just a phrase.
Howard read more email about Benjy being on the air and people were going off on him saying that he doesn't belong on the air. They were saying he brings the show to a complete stop every time. Howard said someone suggested getting a photo booth at the party instead of letting people take pictures. Howard said that's a good idea.
Howard said he has some email about Bono and the Edge. Howard read through some of those and more about Benjy.
Howard said he got an email about Robin where they asked who she has gotten off to after the show. Howard asked Robin if there are 5 or even 3 that she's been turned on by. Robin said she didn't know she was being that girl. Robin said James must be one of them. Robin said she really likes him. Howard asked if she can see herself fucking him. Robin who couldn't. Gary said he saw Robin get loopy over Jake Gyllenhaal. Robin said him and Adam Levine too. Howard asked Robin what she fantasizes about. Robin said she doesn't imagine him nude. Howard asked what it is about him that she likes. Robin said he's very sweet and loving and normal. Howard said he likes to show off his body with the tattoos and everything.
Howard put together a story for Robin saying she goes to Adam's house in Los Angeles. Howard said she's not picturing him jerking off into a plant. He said this is for those guys out there who think that's what women want. Howard said he starts singing a song to Robin. Robin said it's amazing. Howard said maybe they share a glass of wine. Howard said then he's fingering her. Robin said he does the shower trick. Howard said Robin once admitted to masturbating to Richard Gere. Robin said he's never been in there though. Howard asked if a woman's fantasy is wine and cuddling. Robin said it's romance. Robin said you just walk on the beach and things like that.
Robin said Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jean Claude Van Damme surprised her. She said she was weak in the knees with Arnold the first time he came in. Robin said she was shocked. She said he was just so manly that it was hard to ignore. Robin said then Jean Claude Van Damme came in and surprised her. Howard said she also liked Gerard Butler. Robin said she did. Howard said maybe they should ask who she wasn't turned on by.
Howard said he didn't know how many guys she was turned on by. Fred was playing clips of Robin saying all kinds of sexual stuff. Howard said she has an incredible range. Howard said she goes from those guys to Peter Dinklage. Gary asked if she's still turned on by Steve-O. Robin said she stopped after he turned into a good boy. Robin said she's fine with him being the good boy and doesn't want him to go back.
Howard said good for Robin being honest. Robin said she's sure she's missing someone. Howard asked if there has ever been someone gross that she was surprised she was into. Robin said that would be Steve-O.
Howard said the drops Fred is using are hysterical. Howard said he was wondering where the ''4 inches is fine'' came from. Howard said Robin was talking about something other than penis. Gary said he was talking about his kids using the iPhone and watching movies on it. Robin said 4 inches is fine when he mentioned the size of the screen. Howard laughed when Fred played the drop again. Howard said there are guys in the back who just get stuff like that for the show.
Howard said a lot of people hate Tommy from Malden on the show. Howard said Bobo had sent a porno to Shuli where a woman was shooting balls out of her ass. Howard said they had a phony H.R. person call Bobo about it and told him that Shuli was in trouble. Howard said he got some email from a guy who said that was radio gold.
Howard asked if he still has Jeff on Periscope. Jason said he does. Howard said Jeff spills his beer in this one clip and he freaks out. Shuli came in and said that Jeff is only singing and cooking now. Howard said Jeff thinks he's good at singing but he's really just funny when he spills his beer.
Howard played the clip and Jeff is singing ''Oh Holy Night.' Howard said he thinks he's funny singing that but it's awful. Shuli said that he did another song and it was like an assault. Howard said he'd rather read that Holocaust comic book.
Howard played the clip where Jeff spills the beer and freaks out. He started cursing and going off saying ''Mother fuck face'' and ''mother fucker.'' Howard said now he has to use that one arm to clean up his mess. Shuli said he had 2 guys say that they got blocked and they signed up as chicks and they're back in. Shuli said he went from performing in front of millions to performing for 23 people on Periscope.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play. He said they called the Angry Political Guy with Wood Yi and he wishes him a happy Hanukkah and Angry Political Guy flips out. Howard played the call and the guys had Wood Yi audio clips that they were playing telling him he was wishing him a happy Hanukkah and Angry Political Guy went nuts on him telling him to get out of his chat room. Angry Political Guy cursed him out and hung up on him.
Howard said that was a good one. He said it has to be in the top 10. Howard said they got him good. He had fake Angry Political Guy on the phone and Angry Political Guy said he is now a Jew from the spell Wood Yi gave him on the line. Howard said he's an Anti-semeitic Jew now. Howard let him go and went to break a short time later.
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Howard said speaking of the Christmas season he has a lot of stuff to keep up with in the computer. Howard said this Pastor David Grishom's mission is to yell out to children that Santa isn't real and Christmas is about Jesus. Howard said the parents are like ''get the fuck outta here.'' Howard said the guy says he'll finish up in a minute and acting reasonable but he's yelling at children. Howard said he thinks he played some of this guy last year. Howard played a clip of the pastor telling these kids that the reason for the season is about Jesus and Santa does not exist. The guy was saying this is make believe and the story that their parents are making up these stories. Someone from the store asked him to leave but the guy kept going saying that Santa isn't real.
Howard said he's trying to be reasonable by not leaving when asked to leave. Howard said what a tool. Robin said she imagines him in his office wondering what his thing is going to be.
Howard said Jim Bakker is out of control too. He said he should write a book. Howard said the guy was a disgraced televangelist. He said he thinks all of them feel disgrace because what they do is disgusting. Howard said all they do is try to raise money from people who are kind of naive about religion. Howard said Jim Bakker is like Teflon. He said some people are like that. Howard said going into religion there's always a comeback. He said that these people are excited that they have a shopping network. Howard said Jim thinks he's revolutionizing TV. He said this is the PTL that kicked off with a 24 hour live stream of shit he's going to sell you. Howard played a clip of Jim Bakker talking about the new shopping service. Robin said this is a new way to fleece. Howard played more of Jim talking about this service and what he's selling on it.
Howard said he's selling cans of powdered eggs. He played a clip of Jim talking about that and asking someone not to talk in front of him. He was also selling honey that can last for like 30 years. Howard said there's the preacher telling you to buy canned eggs and honey. Howard said he didn't know this guy was still in business. Howard said he sure enough is.
Howard said they must make people think that they're going to be the only ones who will have food when Armageddon comes. Howard said he must have come up with this while he was in prison.
Howard played another clip where Jim was talking about how they have the cross on all of this stuff. Howard said he's nuts over the cross.
Howard said you can buy a belt with a cross on it. Howard asked why he has a problem with a guy who went to jail for fraud or whatever he went to jail for. Gary said it was multiple counts of fraud. Robin said it's another way of saying he lies.
Howard played another clip of Jim and his people selling stuff on this PTL shop thing. Jim thanked people for coming by after doing 24 hours of broadcasting and his voice was going. Howard said what a broadcast.
Gary said he had 24 counts of mail fraud and his 24 year sentence was reduced to 5 years. Howard said they rely on people forgetting what happened. Howard said these new rubes don't know what he did. Howard said the guy is bald now. He said the video clips are great. He said he has to admit he misses watching that stuff. He said before the cable channels were around they were on TV all the time. Robin said he was on every day. She said he had the religious version of the Today show. Howard said Jimmy Swaggert owns Apple now. He said they all have a ton of money. Howard asked what happened to that guy. Robin said Jimmy is still around.
Howard said he's a busy guy and they used to do an original card. He said they used to do a photo shoot and he did one where he was Mrs. Claus. He said this year Beth asked what they were going to do and he just wanted to buy a card. He said it's big pressure. Howard said Facebook lets you say ''Happy Christmas'' instead of sending out cards. Howard said all of these kid cards look the same to him. He said all of the families look interchangeable. Howard said once in a while someone has a really hot older daughter. He said they're 18 and older of course. Robin said that's disgusting. Howard said they're adult children. Howard said you ask who that is. Howard said other than that you throw it right in the garbage.
Howard said Beth wanted to take a picture for their card and then she wanted to use one of his paintings. Howard said he said no to that. He said it turned into a whole thing. He said they compromised and Robin will see what they did soon enough.
Howard said JD sent one out right after Thanksgiving. JD said he didn't send one to Howard. He doesn't have his address. Howard said he can have his PO Box. Howard said he has a box for people like JD. JD laughed. Howard said he wants to see JD's card. JD said they ran out. Howard asked what it is. Gary said it's JD and his fiancee and they're on vacation somewhere. He said there's a lot of writing on it. Robin asked if it was up in Canada or wherever they were. JD said they were in Disney. Gary said someone said it looks like his fiancee is with a special needs person.
Howard said JD's fiancee is efficient. He said thank god for her. Howard asked when JD would have a card. Robin said never.
Howard said he heard JD ran out of cards and he just sent out generic cards. JD said he doesn't know what happened there. He said he's not sure why they didn't make more. Gary said Shuli got one but Brent didn't. Howard asked why Brent didn't get one. JD said he doesn't know. He asked them to just leave him alone. Howard said he should have sent him one. Gary said Jim McClure also got the stock card. Howard said Benjy was bummed he didn't get one. Howard said what you do is ask people for their address. Gary said they have a database there that has everyone's address. He said he could get them.
Robin said they say it's easier to send it there than send it right to Benjy. Howard said he thinks Benjy is apartment sitting and he doesn't have his own place. Gary said he is looking for some place to say over the holidays. Howard asked what that is. He asked why he doesn't have his own place. Gary said they think he has one but it's always been difficult to get stuff to him. Howard said he's so fucking odd.
Howard said he heard JD did that thing where they made up pictures of him and his fiancee and then he ran out of cards and didn't get half the people cards. Howard said then he asked people to send him a note if they wanted a card. Howard said the stock card was covered in glitter. He said it's like a terrorist attack when you open them up. Howard said when he does that people hate him. JD said he didn't know it was glitter. He said he just picked out a card. He said he didn't know it would fall off. Howard said people were soaked in glitter.
Howard said he wants to see the card. He got a copy a short time later and started laughing. Howard asked where they were. They were at Disney. Robin was laughing at it too. Robin said it looks like JD is pregnant. She said the girl is really cute and JD is wearing a long shirt. Howard said it should say ''It's a man's world.'' Robin said it looks like Jabba the Hutt.
Howard said that Robin mentioned JD's girlfriend's name and she isn't supposed to. Howard had to dump out of that. Howard said he has to spend time with her at the Christmas party. Howard said J.B. Smoove is there so he has to get to him. He said that they have to take a break first. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he has J.B. Smoove there. He said he has a book out called ''The Book of Leon: Philosophy of a Fool.''
Howard said J.B. knows how to dress. Howard asked if he's picking this stuff out himself. J.B. said he does. He said Robin knows how to do this. He said you lay it out on the bed. He said you put the bra on the bed and the panties on the bed. Howard said he looks sharp. Howard said even the glasses look good. Howard said it would take him a lot of time to look that good. J.B. said he loves shopping. He said sometimes he goes into men's stores and he'll help put them together. He said he will tell them they look fucked up and help them out. Howard asked if that's true. J.B. said it is. Howard said if he wasn't a funny guy he could be a stylist. J.B. said he has his own clothing line coming out. He said that it's the Jerry Angelo clothing line. He said Jerry is his real first name. He said Angelo just sounds classy.
J.B. said that he'll do something and when people copy him he'll change it up. He said a snake changes with his skin coming off. He said that he sheds his old shit and comes up with new shit. He said you don't see many people rocking a formal top with jeans and cowboy boots. He said he's no fucking cowboy. J.B. said if he has to get away from some bullshit going on he'll hop on a horse though.
Howard said J.B. has a very tailored jacket on and jeans. Howard said it is a look. Howard said his wife dresses and her friends wear the same things the next day. He said his wife does that whole new look thing. J.B. said if you do it right then people will copy you. He said he can tuck a trench coat into his pants and people will copy it if he looks good.
Robin said she thinks that the jeans not going over the boots thing works. She said he cut them to fit over. J.B. said it's like a lady showing her thigh. He said some go too high. He said that's essentially his thigh.
Howard said J.B. isn't fucking around. He said that he will take time out of his life and tell someone that they don't look good. J.B. said it costs him nothing to walk up to your ass and fix you. He said he overheard this one guy talking about getting a job and he looked fucked up. He said his jacket didn't fit right and the color of the shirt was off. He said you have to wear a certain color to pop your cheeks. He said he told the guy what to put on. Howard said that they end up fading out with the color. Howard asked if people get angry with him. J.B. said that it hasn't happened yet. He said he helps people out with their posture too. He said he had one guy stand up straight because he was all hunched over.
Howard said J.B. didn't come from money or privilege. Howard said J.B. wasn't one of those guys who won people over. J.B. said he had nothing handed to his ass. He said he went through some bullshit. He said he got beat up a lot. J.B. said he grew up in Mt. Vernon and it was a tough neighborhood. He said Denzel Washington and Dick Clark are from there too. He said Art Carney too. Howard said he doesn't want to help out his hometown of Roosevelt. J.B. said he's over thinking this shit. He said that he should just be seen there pushing a shopping cart like it's no big deal. Howard said that's a great idea. J.B. said don't act like Howard Stern. He said just walk around normal. He said buy toilet paper and milk.
Howard said it would be incredible to show up there like that. Howard said he thinks the supermarket burned down there though. J.B. said he's avoiding these people who fucked him up back in the day. Howard said he doesn't want to be that guy who gets his ass beat by another old man. J.B. said just let it happen. He said let them fuck him up. Howard said just see what happens. J.B. said go shopping and get a flat tire somewhere. He said change a tire out there. He said they'll see him out there doing that on the side of the road and that's normal people shit. He said he doesn't even have AAA.
Howard said when he's on the Southern State Parkway and sees the sign for Roosevelt he hopes his car doesn't break down. He said it was bad. J.B. said he should go back and don't tell anyone. He said just do regular shit there. Robin asked if he has to do it there. J.B. said yes. He said that's the only way you shake the fear of going back.
Howard said this is an all black neighborhood. Howard said a lot of people there are pissed off. Howard said he can't be the one white guy there. He said he'd stick out like a sore thumb. Howard said you know it's going to be a disaster. J.B. said you just have to get a conversation piece on your body. He said you go in there all gangly and then put on some Jordans. He said then you have a conversation piece. He said that's going to distract them from fucking you up. He said some people look down and move up. He said don't walk like you don't wear Jordans. He said you walk like you wear them all the time.
Howard said growing up he would wear jeans to school and a kid would steal them from him. He said he had his jeans stolen from him in class. Howard said he's afraid that will happen with the Jordans. J.B. said he fucked up with the jeans thing. He said he has to think ahead. He said you know he's going to take your jeans so you have to play along and wear two pair. He said that way you say it's all good and they take one and you still have a pair. He said they'll laugh their ass off and he'll be one of the crew. Howard said he's not sure why they fired him from Saturday Night Live. J.B. said you carry two wallets too. He said you give them one and keep the other. He said you hand them the dummy wallet. Howard said he'd put a dollar in one and keep the rest in the other.
J.B. said if you know they're going to take your wallet you put some dog shit in the wallet and give them that wallet. He said they'll tell you to give them your shit so you give them shit in a wallet.
Howard asked if he goes back to Mt. Vernon and hangs. J.B. said he grew up there and he does a lot of work with the boys and girls club there. He said he has family and friends there too. Howard said he'd think he was angry about that place. J.B. said Howard fucked up because he severed ties with everyone he grew up with. He said he didn't have regular friends. J.B. said he has regular ass friends that he can go visit. Howard asked if they're jealous of his success. Howard said he was on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Howard said he made that show in the 6th season. Howard said he's thinking they could have a spin off from that show. Robin said this is the same stuff J.B. does on Curb. Howard said that's why he wrote the book.
J.B. said that he tells people all the time that you have to grab the bull by the horn. He said you can't think about shit happening. He said that's why he talks about the Roosevelt shit with Howard. He said he's a grown ass man. He asked if he thinks that he can walk through the neighborhood and see the same bully there. Howard said he does. Howard said he went with Ed Bradley back to Roosevelt and he was shaking in his pants. J.B. said he has to go with him and not Ed Bradley.
Howard asked J.B. about going to hang out with old friends and if they have jealousy toward him. J.B. said not at all. He said the reason is that if you can remain the same mother fucker you started out as and remember that then they're cool with you. He said you just stay that way and you're good. He said that you give it back to people and ask how they're mama is doing and they like that. He said it breaks people up. He said Howard is so worried about getting punched in the fuckin' face.
Howard asked if J.B. is still doing stand up. J.B. said that's his bread and butter. J.B. said he did some theater shows. He said he should have invited Howard up to Valley Forge. He said it's in King of Prussia. Howard said he doesn't even know where that is.
Howard asked J.B. about doing the stand up. J.B. said he used to work in a perfume factory. He said that he had Howard on an AM station. He said he used to tune Howard's ass on and lean in to listen. He said that he's just telling him that he has to start somewhere. He said no matter what it is you have to do it. He said he's been doing stand up for 30 years. He said people don't even know that. Howard said he had some crazy jobs as a young guy. Howard said he sold fire extinguishers. J.B. said he did. He said he was fucking great. Howard asked how he would sell them. J.B. said he had his own hours doing that. He said there are times of the day when your house is prime to catch on fire. Howard asked what those times are. J.B. said they're after 3 when the kids get home. He said then you're making dinner. He said that you have too much going on in the house.
Howard asked when you want to sell those things. J.B. said you do it when there's chaos in the house. He said he would put his foot in the threshold. He said that you do that to see what's going on in the house. Howard asked if he did it in a white neighborhood. J.B. said it doesn't matter. He said you hold that fire extinguisher and you're good. He said you have to hold something in your hand. He said you lean over to see what's going on in the house and then you lean back and tell them that you see they have kids or a grandpa. He said you ask if you're protected and they say no. He said you make the offer and make the sale. He said these things came in a variety. He said they have different types of fire extinguishers for the house. He said you can sell 4 or 5 if they don't have any at all. Howard said that's not something you see people doing these days selling stuff door to door.
Howard asked how long he did it. J.B. said it was less than a year. He said he almost burned a house down. He said you have to set a sample fire. He said they teach you to listen but have selective hearing. He said some questions you answer and some you ignore. He said he puts stuff in a pan to burn and they ask if you're going to start a fire, you ignore that. He said you just light that fire.
J.B. said the fire extinguishers he was selling were freon based. He said it was clear so you don't see it in the house when you're done. He said it was like an AC unit spray.
Howard asked if he sold in the black neighborhoods. J.B. said he went to the places where he could sell stuff and not have his stuff stolen.
Howard asked J.B. if he had a mentor when he was starting out. J.B. said before he got on stage he felt like he was kind of anchored in. He said he loves to laugh and make people happy. He said he was the life of the party. He said he hung out with friends he ended up meeting. He said his friends were all hilarious. Howard said that the people who are funny with friends aren't funny on stage necessarily. J.B. said that they're not. He said you are free of mind to get a laugh and laugh back. He said that's the foundation.
Howard asked where he performed for the first time. J.B. said the first time he got on stage was a college dating game. He was a bachelor guy. He said he ripped that shit. He said he wasn't going to fuck around. He said every answer he gave rocked the house. He said he ripped that house. He said this was in college at the student center. He said every question he was killing with. J.B. said back then people would stomp their feet when you did crazy shit. He said that's what he was getting. He said he almost had an out of body experience.
Howard said with J.B. there's a certain style in his voice. Howard said he's kind of funny to begin with. He asked if he puts something on. He said some of the words he pronounces are interesting. He asked if he would speak like that in private. J.B. said he thinks that keeps people's attention. He said you see their eyes halfway closing and you know you're boring the fuck out of them. Howard said part of being a comedian is knowing when you're losing them. J.B. said he refuses to go on stage with a fucking plan. He said he never has a plan. Howard asked if he has a list of things to talk about. J.B. said he has bullet points but he's not nailed down to it. J.B. said there are thousands of stages to perform on. He said every one is different. He said the audience is far or close and there are so many things to play with. He said sometimes you have to walk through the audience. He said he fuckin' loves it. Howard asked if he had a book he wrote down ideas in when he was starting out. J.B. said of course he did. He said he isn't nailed down to that shit.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld has it all written down. J.B. said here's how he feels. He said say he has a joke and it kills everywhere. He said then you leave something out and the audience doesn't catch it. He said then you're fucked. He said you wonder what the fuck to do. He said you rely on that. He said he doesn't rely on shit. J.B. said he doesn't give a fuck if he doesn't get to one joke. He said they'll never know.
Howard asked J.B. about auditioning for Curb Your Enthusiasm because he's talked to him about this before. He said he saw Larry standing here and he went over and smacked him. J.B. said no. He said he always makes it a point to walk into the room as the character. He said he doesn't walk in as J.B.. He said he doesn't turn on Leon. He said that means you have to change gears and get into the role. He said he is Leon when he walks in here. Howard asked who Leon is. He asked what kind of ideas he had for this character. J.B. said he felt he was a guy who lived day to day. He said he's an opportunist but he has your back. He said he's like the condom in your wallet. He said you take him to court with you. He said that's the guy you take to break up with a girl. Howard asked if that's J.B. or just Leon. J.B. said that's not him. He said that's just Leon.
Howard asked if he smacked Larry. J.B. said he didn't smack anyone. He said he went up to Larry and he was in character as Leon. He said he saw his mannerisms immediately. He said that everyone looked confused. He said they didn't know why he was coming in like this. J.B. said they looked at each other like ''what the fuck is going on.'' He said he went to Larry and did some improv with him. He said he might fuck around and slap him in the face. He said Larry looked like ''What the fuck?'' He said that's what he wanted though. J.B. said it allows them to see the character immediately. He said they caught on pretty quick. He said they started laughing their asses off.
Howard asked if they offered him the part right away. J.B. said no way. He said they made him wait. J.B. said they said they didn't know who Leon was until he walked into the room. He said that's the power of mannerisms and improv. He said you stick to the plan and it only works one fucking time. He said you can't repeat a plan.
Howard said J.B. loved being on Curb. He asked if it's over now. J.B. said no one fuckin' knows. He said he has shit to fuckin' do regardless. Howard asked if he's doing more stand up. J.B. said he thinks what helps him is throwing a whole lot of shit against the wall. He said whatever sticks at the time is what he does. He said there is no fucking plan. J.B. said he turns down more than he accepts. Howard asked if he's ever turned down anything that he should have taken. J.B. said he has missed auditions an opportunities but he doesn't think about it. He said that he works to keep the lights on and anything extra is gravy. He said he keeps his mind open to opportunities. J.B. said he won't show up and give you 30 percent. He said he'll give 100 percent. J.B. said that prepares your ass. He said you can't plan everything out. J.B. said he throws shit against the wall. He said right now the Curb finale was on Sunday. He said now he has the book and his Crown Royal campaign going on. He said he has a lot of things going on. He said he gives back to charity too.
Howard said J.B. gives back a lot. J.B. said he overheard some funny shit. He said he's talking to 2 guys and one is talking to the other talking to him. He said it's a circle of guys. Howard said he's seen that. J.B. said this one guy said J.B. has that ''Quiet money.'' Howard said no one knows he made. J.B. said he had to get up this morning early to iron his jeans. He said he ironed these fuckin' things. He said he ironed it all and shaved his head. He said he has a lot to do in the morning.
Howard asked if he is bald or does he just shave his head. J.B. said he just cuts all of that shit off. Howard said he looks good bald. Howard asked if he got a lot of women. J.B. said thank god he got married. He said he's more of a domestic guy. He said in your single days you run into a lot of people. He said that's the nature of the business. He said he's not that kind of guy.
Howard said J.B. writes a lot about sex advice in the book. J.B. said there's a lot of Leon in J.B. but there's no J.B. in Leon. He said you need to learn something from that shit.
Howard said J.B. said you have to learn about sex like karate. He said you have a white belt when you haven't been with a woman. Howard said he says it's like Kung Fu but it's kung fuck. Howard said he also says here are a lot of sex partners that you have to go after. J.B. said it's written in Leon's voice. He said people love that character.
Howard asked J.B. about why you need a nurse. J.B. said they know what you need and they're there for you. He said some people get into role playing and you can fuck yourself up. Howard said he's saying that she'll care for you in your old age.
Howard asked about why he says you have to fuck a black nanny. J.B. said this is all Leon. He said that they have access to things outside the house and they take care of that baby. He said you don't get too deep with them. He said nannies keep shit easy. He said Leon loves them because they're nurturing. He said they make a nice sandwich. J.B. said they cut the crust off the bread and they are very meticulous.
Howard said look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. J.B. said if you think that nanny didn't make him a good grilled cheese sandwich. He said he bit that shit and fell more in love with that lady. Robin said he's right. J.B. said you get the cheese coming out the back door.
Howard said J.B. did a good job with the book. He said he talks about mattresses and how you shouldn't get one that has a memory foam. J.B. said you don't want women to get too comfortable. He said if you bring a woman home and it's comfy then she's not going to leave. He said you have to be able to throw her ass out. He said you can't get too comfortable. J.B. said before you go out at night you exchange he cushion for the box spring. He said you put that on top and make the bed like normal. He said then she says this fucking mattress is horrible. He said she'll be ready to go fucking home.
Howard said his favorite advice in the book is naming children. He said he tells people to stop trying to be creative. J.B. said he knows a baby named Cabin. He said that has no meaning. Howard said this is all good advice. He read some of the book and said don't name your baby Labia.
Howard said he writes about flu dick in the book. Howard said they say you can get all kinds of stuff if you touch your dick without washing your hands. J.B. said your dick is the portal for all kinds of disease. He said that people walk around shaking hands and touching things. He said anything you touch and then you go in and take your dick out. He said you go to urinate and you're holding that dirty hand on your Johnson. He said you can get the flu through that. Howard said that's so true. J.B. said he washes his hands first and then washes them when he's done going to the bathroom. He said he won't touch the door on his way out either.
Howard asked what the longest time is he waited for someone to come in to open the door. J.B. said it was 10 minutes. He said he just waited.
Howard said he uses tongs on his dick. J.B. said that's fucking amazing. He said he uses appear to take his dick out. Howard said he will use his underwear to take his penis out. He said he can balance his penis on his underwear. J.B. said you can do that shit. Howard said he should have called him about the flu dick.
J.B. said that your woman can get the flu from that dick too. Howard said you have to talk about this stuff.
J.B. said they have antibacterial soaps for a reason. Howard said J.B. even said that the word Johnson came from a man size penis. He said it's not a baby penis. J.B. said Robin doesn't have one. He said your whole life revolves around the peepee and the Johnson. He said you start out with the peepee and then you go to Johnson and then back to a peepee again at 65 or so. He said that will never be a Johnson again. He said you don't have a hard Johnson at 75. He said you have a hard peepee. He said that's sad.
Howard said some of this stuff is depressing. J.B. said he's just telling it like he'd tell Larry. Howard said he is brilliant with the homeless stuff in the book. Howard said they say that the homeless should buy Home Depot and they have everything they need to build a house. J.B. said he supports shelters and people need a place to live. He said that it's hard to help one person at a time. He said Home Depot would be fabulous to help. Howard said the guy has the run of the place and he can build what he needs.
J.B. said in the Walking Dead they took over a prison and a hotel or whatever. He said they created community. J.B. said this creates community. J.B. said they have to take over the Home Depot. He said they can build more than one house at a time. He said they have it all there.
Howard said J.B. talks about how you never tattoo a girlfriend on your body. He said a wife is a different story. He said that shit is just crazy. J.B. said he and his wife are going to do it up. He said they got married in 7/7/07 so they're going to do something with that. He said they're all good. He said that they might get tattoos next year. He said you have to do something creative. J.B. said you get a tattoo of your lady laying on top of you. He said you just do it all over your whole body. He said that it's his wife laying on top of him nude. He said her legs are over your legs and her ass is there and her head is on your shoulder. He said don't steal that shit from him.
Howard gave J.B. some plugs for the book and for his upcoming stand up dates. He said he's at Caroline's in January. Howard said he has to see what he's doing. J.B. told him not to leave there and cut through Roosevelt to get to Caroline's. Howard said he won't do that.
J.B. said his brother is a stand up too. He said his name is Think Floyd. He said he's proud of him and of his daughter. Howard said you can find out more dates for J.B. at JBSmoove.com
J.B. said he's glad he got to see Howard again. He said last time he was there they saw each other at the Knick game. Howard said he sat behind him. He said he felt guilty sitting in the first row with J.B. in the third row. J.B. said he had to ask a stranger to tap Howard on the shoulder. Howard said they had to have an intermediary. Howard said he looked at him and then saw J.B.. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard took a call from a guy, William who said he wanted to say he listens every morning. He's studying for his PhD. Howard asked some questions about that. Howard asked what 9X9 is. William said it's 81. Howard said he's pretty smart. He said he's always been good with numbers. He said he can remember long lists of numbers. Howard said he's a real brain. Howard said he'd love a higher IQ. Howard said he could do so many things with that. He said that they say math is pretty easy. He said they say the same thing about music and math. William said he was a good cello player. Howard asked if any of that helped him get laid. The caller said no but he did just get his first date in 4 years. Howard asked if he has gotten laid. the caller said not yet. He's 24 years old. He said he goes to Northern Illinois University.
Howard asked what he weighs. He said he's 260 and 5'9'' tall. He said he's trying to lose some weight. Howard asked if he has touched a titty. The caller said he has. He said that was cool. He said he's done more than that. Howard said he can tell this is a good guy. William said that he is the most real person in the media. Howard asked what his weakness is. William said it's sweets. He said he likes snack cakes and stuff. He said he has tried to get it under control. He said it's hard. He said he has a sugar addiction.
Howard said here's what you do. He said you start walking for an hour a day. William said he can walk a half hour to campus. Howard said do that and then cut back on the food. He said he can drink coffee and have some granola and that's it. William said that he's one of those fat people who doesn't eat breakfast. Howard asked what he has for lunch. William said he has soup and he lives in a small apartment. He said he loves salads and vegetables. Howard said this isn't adding up. He said he isn't eating vegetables. William said he does eat them.
Howard asked if he watches PornHub. William said he does. Howard said he's a YouPorn kind of guy. Howard asked if he's ever cum on his math proofs while jerking off. William said he hasn't.
Howard said this guy seems like a good guy. William said JD reminds him of himself. Howard said some day he'll be running Microsoft or something and he'll do fine. Howard said he has a math brain and he'll do well. He said he just has to hang in there and lose some weight.
Howard asked how many girls he's kissed. He said he has kissed 3. He said he got titty from them too. Howard asked why he wasn't able to close the deal. William said that his first one didn't let him do it and then the next guy she dated went gay. He said he dated two others. He said he had some fun with them. He said he may have gotten a hand job and he may have gotten some pussy play. Howard asked if he went down on her. William said he did. Howard asked if he cums in his pants. William said he doesn't. He said he hasn't had a date in about 4 years.
Howard said Robin should bang this kid. Robin said she isn't going to do that. Howard said Robin is like a 20 year old. He said he sees her. Howard asked if no girls want him. William said he has trouble talking to girls. He said he fears rejection. Howard said he hears that. Howard said maybe he should date burn victims or blind girls.
Howard went into his girl voice and tried talking to William. He wanted to find out how awkward he is. William was going along with it for a few seconds. Howard said he likes this guy. He asked if he's wearing Star Wars stuff. William said he actually is. Howard said he might have to take him to John Varvatos. Howard asked what he's into with the math thing. William said he's taking a bunch of advanced algebra and things like that.
Howard said he has to get this kid some cool t-shirts or something. William said they have to get some stuff from that Dive Bar Shirt Club sponsor he has. Howard said he has to get rid of the Star Wars stuff. He asked if he has ever jerked off to a Star wars character. William said he has not. He said he's not that kinky.
Howard asked if he has a favorite number. William said it's 13 because that's the day he was born. He said it was a Friday the 13th. William said he took a photography class and took pictures of the mathematical universe stuff. Howard cut him off and said never admit that to a woman.
Howard said he really likes this guy. He said they need guys like him to do math. Howard asked if numbers go on and on or do they end. William said they go on forever. He said the concept of infinity is a crazy thing if you think about it. Howard asked what's better, addition or subtraction. William said multiplication. Howard said sweets equal man tits. He said lose some weight. William said he's going to try. Howard said he should work on it.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that he has to get an Apple watch. He said it can track calories. Ralph asked why women would be interested in this guy who is fat. Howard said Ralph is a dick. He said he's a lovable, gentle guy. He said once he gets a good job and loses some weight he'll get some women. He said JD has a girl and she's working on him. Howard said the smartest woman is Melinda Gates. He said just think about that.
Howard said he's sorry he took that call from Ralph. Howard let William go after that. He said Ralph used to give his kids advice. He said he had to put a stop to that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that Senator Al D'Amato is in a custody battle with his wife. Robin read some details about what's going on with that. Robin said Al is 80 years old and his kids are like 7. Howard said that's right.
Robin said there's a thing called Scromiting. She said it's a thing that's becoming a problem where people smoke marijuana and they end up screaming and vomiting. Robin said this might be from using heavy amounts of marijuana over a long period of time.
Howard took another call from Ralph Cirella who said that marijuana should not be legalized. He said it's a gateway drug and it's too powerful. Howard said he doesn't want to regulate people's lives. He said it's personal responsibility. He said we can't regulate everything. Howard said he hates weed but he supports your right to smoke it. He said that it's just a plant that grows in the ground.
Robin read a story about the Russian Olympic team being banned from the 2018 Olympics. Robin said they have determined they are doping system wide. Howard said they cheat. Robin said these are young people who want to achieve a goal and she's not sure why the government is involved and doping them up. Robin asked if it proves anything. Robin said that this is what adults do to children. Fred played her news music over her. Robin said it's horrifying to think about. Fred played her music again. Howard said he loves her passion. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Time magazine announcing their person of the year. Robin had some audio of someone naming that person. The person said it was ''The silence breakers.'' Howard asked what that is. Robin said it's the people in the #MeToo movement. Howard said he thinks it's Trump. Robin said they have mentioned his name for the past 365 days. Robin said he is the man driving the narrative around the world. Howard said this is sort of a revolution for women. He said it's those people or Donald. He said he thinks it's Donald. Robin said Trump came in second. Howard said he's going to be bummed about that.
Robin read a story about one of he women who accused Trump of harassment last year was in court yesterday. Robin said they're considering dismissing the defamation case against Trump. Robin said they want to wait until he's out of office. Gloria Allred wants to do it now. Robin had some audio of Gloria talking about that. Robin had some audio of the accuser talking about what Trump allegedly did to her. Howard said he's not sure what dudes are up to. He said it's crazy what's going on.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein and how he was assisted by his staff in his antics. Robin said there are more stories coming out about that. Robin said on Tuesday more details came out about Weinstein and how he was working with gossip writers. Robin said he was also having people getting his erectile dysfunction medication. Howard said you'd think he'd be done with that thing if he had problems. Robin read more details about what Weinstein was up to.
Robin read a story about Lena Dunham saying she wanted Hillary Clinton's people about Harvey Weinstein because he was hosting fund raisers for her. Howard said no kidding. Robin said they say that Harvey kept bibles about women too. They did that to keep them quiet. Robin said people who did speak up were fired. Robin read some other details about that. Howard said there's a lot of shenanigans there.
Howard said Tan Mom wants to talk to Sal about using tanning cream. Howard said they're kind of out of time. Tan Mom said this world is disgusting. She said that she was moved what Robin said. Howard said he's proud of her catching on to Robin's message. Tan Mom said this world is so upside down. She said that they portray Howard like he's a liar or something. Howard said he's kind of out of time but thank you. Tan Mom was still talking and Howard said he wishes he had more time for this but he has to go. Howard asked her to call in next week to talk about Sal. Tan Mom said she loves Howard and what Robin is saying. Howard said he'll talk to her next week. Howard said she calls in as they're ending the show. Howard said he's been there for 4 fucking hours. He said he can feel the cellulite hardening. He said it's marbling.
Robin said Netflix is firing Danny Masterson from The Ranch. Robin said he's got some rape allegations against him. Robin said he's being written out of the series. Robin said he is accused of raping 4 women in the early 2000s. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about John Conyers announcing he's retiring effective immediately. Robin had some audio of him talking about that on some radio show. He was endorsing his son to replace him.
Robin read a story about Steve Bannon going to Alabama to endorse Roy Moore. Howard asked what's wrong with these people. Robin had some audio of Bannon at some event. Robin said he went after Mitt Romney at that event. Howard said Roy Moore wants to talk to them. He picked up and had a fake Roy Moore on the line. Fake Roy was going off on Howard for bad mouthing Alabama. Howard let him go a short time later. Robin had more audio of Roy Moore and Steve Bannon for Howard to play. Howard said the country is getting really weird. He said that they should be denouncing this guy. He cut himself off wondering what he's doing.
Robin read a story about how the government is facing a shutdown. Robin said that Paul Ryan said they're working on a short term solution. Robin had some audio of Ryan talking about that.
Robin read a story about President Trump taking about his tax bill being great for the middle class and companies. Robin said that no one is buying that he's not going to be making a lot of money from this cut. Robin said he's also saying that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel. Robin said watch your back after that announcement.
Robin read about Colin Kaepernick receiving an award last night. Robin had some audio of him accepting that.
Robin read a story about John Mayer getting an appendectomy yesterday and he's recovering today. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Today's show was over around 10:55am.