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Howard started the show asking Robin what her best guess is if he told her he called Tan Mom to ask her to lend him money. Robin said she thinks she'd give him money. Howard said he called Tan Mom and asked her for money. Howard said he has done it with Wendy and she said no. Gary the Conqueror said no. Big Foot said yes but you know it meant no because you know he won't send the money. Howard said Robin thinks Tan Mom will lend him the money. Robin said she's thinking she will.
Howard played the clip and he called Tan Mom asking her to lend him some money. Howard said he loves tanning and he invested in some tanning salons in Africa. Tan Mom said she's not sure why he'd do that. Howard said he went broke from that. Tan Mom said she's sorry for his loss. Howard asked if she can lend him some money. Tan Mom said she would give it to him. She said she spends about $1000 a year in tanning. She said she'd put that off and send him the 1000. Howard asked if she'd sell some of her clothes for him too. Tan Mom said she would do that too. Howard asked how much she could make. Tan Mom said maybe 8,000. She said she'd send that to him too. She said she doesn't care about money. Howard asked if they can get some money from her husband too. She said he's a fucking loser so no. She said she can send him some money in about a week and a half. Howard thanked her very much. Howard asked if he can do anything for her in return. Tan Mom said she would like to go out with Sal and have a ton of fun but that doesn't mean sex. Howard said he's not sure he can do that. Tan Mom didn't seem too upset by that.
Howard said she's like Tan Mother Theresa. Howard said that's something. Robin said all she wants is a night out with Sal. Howard said he should be getting that money any day now. He said he loves Tan Mom.
Howard said they used to have 6 of their own but they're down to 4. He said they have a bunch of kittens now and maybe 12 in the house. He said there could be even more. He said he stays involved with their 4 cats but not as much with the kittens. He said that it gets sad when they have one die. Howard said that they're like their kids. He said they care that much about them. Howard said they're so involved with them. Robin said everyone loves their pets. She stopped herself from saying they all love their pets. Howard said there are so many assholes who don't take care. He said they let them out of the house and they disappear. Howard said you can't do that. He said they run away or something bad happens. Howard said there's a million things that could happen. Howard said people move and they dump their problem off at the shelter. Howard said they keep it 15 year and then abandon it. Howard said they don't live much longer than 15 years.
Howard said you realize how horrible humanity is. Robin said she doesn't need to be reminded. Robin said she was calling for the end of humanity. Howard said it's just crazy. Howard said society is judged by how they treat their animals and we treat them like shit. Howard said people do things to kittens like poking out their eyes. He said those are future serial killers. Howard said that's some seriously sick fucks in our country.
Robin said you take any baby and they are sweet and they are lovable and how do you make a monster out of that. Howard said they have idiots who raise kids. Howard said some of them raise 7 of them and they raise more. Howard said before you know it you have a planet full of idiots.
Howard said it's just awful. He said you see terrible things. He said his wife gets so affected by it. He said it's very draining. He said there is no turning back for them now. He said he'd have some people arrested if it was up to him. Robin said they should have more wide ranging laws about animal care. Howard said there are a lot of imbeciles out there. He said idiots love to procreate. Howard said everyone is stupid. He said there are very few intelligent people.
Howard said he ran out and bought the iPhone X. Howard said Steve Wozniak said he's not going to get one of these. He said Steve said at this point phones have become like a car. He said there are little improvements here and there and it's nothing special. He said now it's just a phone. He said it used to be exciting. Now there's not much incentive to get the X. Howard said he got it just because he has to see what's going on. Robin said she was going to get him one for Christmas. Howard said of course he got it because he's a big yenta. Howard said Matt Lauer got one and set his up. Howard said he went to dinner with Matt last week. He said he had his set up and he moved quick on that. Robin said she was with someone yesterday who was talking to it and all of that. Howard said it's the same thing Robin does with her phone.
Howard said Matt was annoyed with his facial recognition but he thinks it works fine. Howard said he has to see how his works once he gets it all set up. He said he has the phone but hasn't set it up.
Howard said he's not sure if he has time to figure it out. Howard said he has other things he has to do. He said he just wants it to work. He said he has a friend who will show him the cool stuff about it. Robin said she just got a new car and she just figured out how to use the windshield wipers. Robin said it's just another SUV. She didn't say what it was.
Howard said he did have a point about Matt Lauer. He said he wants to come to his defense about something. He saw him about a month ago with their wives. He said he was reading about him in Page Six and they said Matt keeps throwing Megyn Kelly under the bus. Howard said he can respond to this for him. He said in a private conversation he was a little negative about Megyn's decision to go to MSNBC. He said to Matt he felt it was a real faux pas. He said he didn't think the show was good for her. Howard said he has told Robin this on the air too. He said Matt turned to him without missing a beat and said that was very unfair. He said she's just getting started with the show and you have to give them time to work that situation. Howard said she's developing something.
Howard said he heard that and then read that he threw Megyn under the bus. Howard said Matt was the opposite of that. He said he just thinks it's weird with the anonymous sources and all of that. Howard said it's just odd to him. He said he's been the victim of that in his life. Robin said Matt is the guy who gets that all the time over there. She said he's always involved.
Howard said the media now is owned by just a couple of people. Howard said the Post is up against MSNBC and maybe there's an agenda there. He said no one knows anymore.
Howard said he just got a note saying the iPhone X has 14 new gestures to learn. Howard said he can't spend that much time on this. He said he knows what he'll be doing today. Robin said he'll be learning his gestures.
Howard said it's very cool but upsetting to have the cats. Howard said he has to hang up on the caller because it sounds like there's a storm going on. Howard said he doesn't understand how people hurt animals. He said people get upset when they pee in the house. He said there's something wrong with them if they do that. Howard said they try to tell you when there's a problem. Howard said people are dummies.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call he wanted to play. He said he's not sure which one it was. Gary reminded him it might be the Eric the Actor call. Howard said he did love Eric and he wanted to celebrate an anniversary. Howard said Kelly Clarkson was in last week and Eric called the show 15 years ago. He said he called in to talk about American Idol and Kelly Clarkson. Howard played Eric's first call when Eric said he was in love with Kelly.
Howard said Eric came to visit them in the studio and they told him that they had Kelly coming in and it was actually High Pitch Erik.
Howard said they took Eric's voice and called the Live with Kathy show. Howard played the clip where they called in and talked to Kathy about the obituary that she had just read about Eric dying. They told Kathy that he's still alive and put Eric on the phone with her. They had audio of Eric complaining about people saying he's dead when he's not dead. Kathy spent a little time talking to Eric and asking about his disability. They had Eric tell her that he's club fucking footed, asswipe. Kathy made sure to tell everyone that he's not dead. They had Eric call back in and tell her to stop reporting on him. She said she has nothing to do with that.
Howard said he loves that. He said there was a whole war going on. He said the show isn't interesting until Eric calls in. Robin asked where that show airs. She said she acts like there's something going on. Howard said it's very easy to call her show. He said that's what he knows.
Howard asked Richard and Sal where the show airs. Gary said the guys told him that it airs 3 times a week on the internet and they think she pays for it to be posted. Howard said that would have been a good career move for him. He said he gets trying to get on the air but paying for it is kind of out there. Howard said when she talks it's really boring.
Howard said Kathy was a guest on Oprah once and she gave beauty tips. Howard said they miss Eric. Howard played a song parody about Eric and then went to break.
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Howard said that he's miserable when he's there and then his contract is up and he's asked what he wants to do. He said he'll talk about it and before he knows it he's signing up again. He said they say maybe he should sign up for a year but then Sirius will say they don't want to go year to year because he's not that great. Fred said he is that great. Howard said so is Fred.
Howard said he will probably be one of those guys like Imus who will be 97 and still be on the air. Fred asked how he feels about Letterman retiring and then going away. Howard said he doesn't think Letterman was ready to give up his show. He said they did it nicely but he thinks they kind of shoved him out. He said he thinks Dave didn't want to compete with young guys and he wanted to go and preserve his legacy. Howard said Dave does want to work. He said that he's doing something he wants to do. He said Dave is going to try out six shows and put a lot of work into them. Howard said Seinfeld thinks he's nuts for wanting to continue. He said Jerry thinks he stopped working but he's out on the road doing comedy almost every night. Fred said he may be working more. Howard said Jerry didn't retire. He said that he has talked to him and he has talked to Steve Martin too. Howard said they're two of his heroes. He said that he has talked to people and gotten no insight from anyone.
Howard said the thing is that they're very blessed and they have a loyal audience. Howard said he doesn't know what to think. Robin said it's 3 years away. Robin asked if anyone is even talking about it. Howard said no and they better not.
Howard said the letter Ronnie sent had all the charm of a ransom note. Howard said he got to know Ronnie and there are two different Ronnies. He said one is reasonable and almost enlightened. Howard said that he makes sense. Howard said the other Ronnie is retarded. He said he's the sexed up guy. Howard said he's sexed up too but Ronnie is on another level. Howard said Ronnie is as sexed up as a 16 year old boy. He said for years he kept him in the car and he was rarely on the show. Howard said back in the Sam Kinison days he got into a fight with Ronnie and that was great. Howard said Ronnie drove for the Today Show too so he was part time for a while. Howard said he wasn't just his driver.
Howard said every once in a blue moon he'd hear Ronnie was complaining about not getting appearances and stuff. Howard said about 15 years ago they started to go to strip clubs a lot and Ronnie became the king of strip clubs and he became friends with Lonnie. Howard said Ronnie became almost an owner of Scores. Robin said he was given a business card. Howard said he was in charge of finding girls and stuff. Howard said it gave him a lot of confidence. Howard said at the same time he wanted to give him a job doing security so he'd have a full time job with them. Howard said he gave him air time and this stripper thing was going on. Howard said then Twitter came around and gave him his own voice. The caller said now he's in a Sandler movie. Howard said he just created a horny monster. Howard said the girls were into his connection with the show and all of that. He said now it's Ronnie at his worst.
Howard said Ronnie has this attitude toward everyone that's angry and bitter. He said he's that way with everyone. Howard said he's not sure why that is. He said he's seen people go up to Ronnie and say good morning and he won't answer them. Howard said it's fucking crazy. He said that Ronnie does worship him and he tries to be like him on occasion. Fred did an impression of Ronnie saying good morning to someone saying ''Good morning cunt face!'' Howard said that he and Ronnie have a great time talking but when he's sexed up, forget it.
Howard said Ronnie has no talent and he knows that but then he doesn't know it. Gary said Ronnie is yelling at the radio out there.
Howard said he's like a star now and he has the young girlfriend or fiancee. Howard said in his world he thinks he's doing her a favor. The caller was talking about the movie Ronnie did with Sandler and how he had to do 8 takes. Howard said Ronnie can come in.
Howard said he'll give a Ronnie's sex toy review too. Howard asked Ronnie what he has wrong. Ronnie said he doesn't get it. He asked what he's talking about. He said he did his thing and what's the big deal. Howard said he's just talking about his relationship with him. Ronnie asked why. He asked where this came from. Howard said the caller, Ken, brought it up and he was talking about his relationship and how he's a mass of contradictions. Howard asked how many times he's tweeted today. Ronnie said 5 or 6 times. Howard said there are a lot of sides of Ronnie. Howard asked how he can argue with that. Ronnie said he doesn't get it. Howard said in any world where he has a 35 year old girlfriend he'd worship her. Howard said Ronnie thinks he's doing her a favor. Ronnie said he doesn't make it like that. Robin asked how long he's been with her. Ronnie said almost 11 years. Ken asked if they have figured out why he loves her. Howard said they know why but they don't know why she loves him.
Howard said he told Ronnie that this is how they got into talking about him. Howard said the caller said he's like a Wack Packer. Ronnie said he's not like a Wack Packer. the caller said he is wacky and that's it. Ronnie said that doesn't make him a Wack Packer. Howard said that Eric the Actor also claimed he wasn't a Wack Packer.
Howard said they get a lot of sex toys and stuff like that to test out there. Howard said they didn't know what to do with it all so they asked Ronnie to test them out. Howard said they asked him to do reviews for the products. Howard said this one is for a cock extender. Howard said he wishes they could show a picture of it. Howard said they can probably put it up on HowardStern.com. Ronnie said he didn't want to bring it back because he had to wash it out and everything. Howard said it's a device you put on your cock to make your cock bigger. Ronnie said it's more about the girth than the length. Howard said it's really dirty looking.
Howard played the clip of Ronnie describing the sex toy. Ronnie said it's called the Fat Boy Sport Stretchy Cock Extender. Ronnie said it's to make you have a horse cock. Ronnie said it feels great for the guy but if the girl doesn't have a wide pussy then it's hard to jam it in. Ronnie said it felt so good that he blew a load into the thing and Stephanie never got off. Ronnie said he gave it a 4 out of 5 cock ring review.
Howard asked if he was able to fuck her with it. Ronnie said it was too thick. He said he didn't even want to hurt her. He said that he didn't use it on her. He said he didn't want to stretch her out. Howard said he thinks they snap back. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. He said that some of these girls get opened up so much you could drive a car in there. Howard said he doesn't think that's possible. Ronnie said he does. He said that they get stretched out. Howard said it closes up to its original size. Ronnie said on the outside maybe but on the inside it gets stretched out. He said he's been with girls who were stretched out. He said the feeling isn't as good.
Howard said he thinks it's after a woman has a baby that it gets fucked up. Ronnie said they stitch it up. Howard said if a baby can get through there then it gets stretched. Ronnie said that's just once. He said if you have a giant cock going in there multiple times a week it won't. Howard said this is what he talks to Ronnie about in the car. Howard asked if it gets loose down there. Ronnie said he was watching a porn thing on Twitter and this girl was doing anal and taking it from Lexington Steele. He said her asshole was so big that he could have stuck his hand in there without any lube. He said it looked like a big hole in the ground. He said it was crazy. Howard said it goes back eventually. Ronnie said he's seen pictures and when they do a lot of anal you can see a big hole. Howard said he'd like to get a medical opinion on that.
Howard said if what Ronnie is saying is true then the girls must not have any muscle control down there so they have to wear a diaper. Ronnie said that he thinks they still have muscle control. Howard said he's not sure that Ronnie is right about the stretching. Ronnie said you can see how big the hole is in there. He said it's stretched out.
Howard asked Ronnie about this cock thing that he tested. Ronnie said on the inside of it there are grips that grab your cock. Howard said you get pleasure from those things. Ronnie said it was like he was fucking that thing. He said then all of a sudden he blew his load in it. He said it was like a giant scum bag. He said the thing is really thick. Howard said he didn't want to stretch Stephanie out with it. Ronnie said wait until he hears the new one he just tested last week.
Howard asked what he does with his balls when he tries this thing out. Ronnie said they stay there. He said this other thing he tested next is awesome. Howard told him not to ruin it.
Howard asked if he's saying this stretchy cock thing is good. Ronnie said it's good. He said it depends on the girl's pussy if you can get it in or not. Ronnie said it's a giant cylinder. He said it's like a fucking horse cock. Howard asked if he felt like a real man with it on. Ronnie said it was too thick and heavy on the cock too. Ronnie said you have to hold it. Howard said this was on Oprah's favorite things list too. The caller laughed. Howard said Robin ordered a case of them for Christmas.
Ronnie said that he had to wash the thing out so he didn't want to bring it back. He said it says it's dishwasher safe so you can clean it in there. Robin said that's disgusting. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie. They also played a clip of Ronnie talking about how to stay young by fucking young chicks. He said he's going to be like ''Yoo Hoo Hefner'' in that clip.
Howard said Ronnie says he never mentions age anymore but he did mention he's 68 in that clip. Ronnie said he doesn't like birthdays. Howard said Ronnie's sex tip was to fuck a young girl but most guys can't just do that. Ronnie said stay in shape and maybe you can. Howard said you also have to be on the Howard Stern Show.
Robin said she missed some of that clip. She asked who she was giving that advice to. Howard said it was sex tips for seniors. Howard said according to Ronnie all of the old people should be fucking young people and no young people should be fucking young people.
Howard let Ken go and took a call from another caller who said he's a doctor. He was calling in to give some information about the growing vagina and anus. He said they're muscles so repetitive use can stretch them over time. He said that they do go back to normal after time though. He said they have done studies where they found that some of the tightness can be reduced. He said it's very minimal. He said it's got to be very repetitive to stretch it. He said if a woman has 10 kids who were 10 pounds the tone and structure will be reduced.
Robin asked if anything can be done with that. The caller said that with the anus you can't but there is a vaginal-plasty to bring the muscles back together. Howard did his Ronnie impression and said this guy is his kind of doctor. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard was still in his Ronnie voice and talking about the stretched out stuff. Fred was doing his impression too. Ronnie said when you see these girls in the pornos then you see how they get stretched.
Ronnie asked Robin if she has had a big cock before. Robin said she did have a very large one and it hurt. She said that it didn't work for her. Ronnie asked if she was able to take the whole thing. Robin said no. Howard said the guy probably got a good 7 inches in there. Robin laughed and said he's funny. Robin said the guy was very large down there but the guy wasn't very big. She said she did have to try it out. Howard asked if she got 75 percent of him in there. Robin said she's not sure it was even that much. Ronnie said he's not sure how these girls take it.
Howard said he has a woman on the phone who had a vaginal rejuvenation. Howard took the call and the caller, Amy, said that over the years she had children and you lose moisture down there. She said she has only had two kids. Howard had to let Ronnie go do something so he played him out with a song parody.
Howard got back to Amy and asked what she was saying. Amy said you can get stretched out and it doesn't go back. She said the rejuvenation brings back collagen and moisture. She said that it's not the tightness but the moisture that she wanted to bring back. She said that you go back to having an 18 year old vagina. She said it's a good thing. Howard asked if her husband likes it better. She said it's been the most amazing thing. Howard asked if she's hot. Amy said she's alright. Howard said he's wondering how they bring back the moisture. Amy said she's also a yoga instructor. Howard said he's never seen an ugly Yoga instructor. Howard said she must be hot. She said she'd give them a private yoga instruction if they ever want. Howard thanked her and let her go.
Howard said he has George Takei on the phone and he says he got stretched out down there. Howard had Sour Shoes as George on the line talking about how his asshole is like a hoola hoop. Howard said here is hope for him. He said they might be able to fix that in a few years. Howard said he really has to take a break. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said Millie Bobby Brown was on a bunch of talk shows. Howard said he has some audio to play. He said Millie was on TRL and she charmed everyone. Howard said she is a charmer.
Howard said Andy Friendly was a TV executive and he wrote a book. Howard said there's a chapter on him. Robin said she didn't see that. Howard said he went right to his chapter. He said it's called Willing to Be Lucky: Adventures in Life and Television. Howard said Andy talks about how the King brothers were trying to get him to do a show for them and they sent two bottles of really expensive wine to him. Howard said they had all kinds of success going at the time. Howard said he had zero recollection of that. Howard said he's sure he got the wine but he has no idea what happened to it. Howard said he doesn't have a clue.
Howard said he thinks this was a very big thing for him and he doesn't remember it at all. Howard said Andy could be lying for all he knows. Howard said Don told him all of this really happened but he can't remember it. Howard said he doesn't live in the past and maybe that's a good thing.
Robin said that he does remember some things from the past. Howard said he just doesn't dwell. He said it's also not a good idea to send him a book. He said he won't read them unless they're on Kindle. Howard said Robin keeps giving him books. He said he won't read it unless it's on his Kindle. He said if Robin gives him one then he can't throw it out. He said it's like throwing Robin out. Robin said he has a big library. Howard said he has a library full of ugly paperbacks that people give him.
Howard said Dr. Drew is a great guy but he got a package from him with a note. He said Drew said he knows he loves MAD Magazine. Howard said he did at 12. He said that Dr. Drew said they were going through stuff in his mother's basement and they found these MAD Magazines. Howard said it's a much of smelly, worn MAD Magazines. Howard said he didn't even want to touch them. He said he threw them right in the garbage and wrote a nice note about sending them to him. He said they have the magazines in a nice hard bound book but he's not going to read garbage from his mother's basement. Howard said he's not going to read them. Howard said he would have to put on gloves to read them. He said he might as well have sent him used tissues. Howard said the magazines were 50 years old and sitting in a basement. Howard said people send him their junk.
Robin said at least the book she got him was new. Howard said he can't even fit that in the library. He said he wanted to throw things out but Beth said that people can read them. Howard said no one has ever come in there and read a book. Howard said it's all junk books.
Howard said what he's going to do is write down the name of the book Robin gave him and throw it out. Then he'll download it to his Kindle. Robin told him not to do that. She said just send it back to her and she'll give it to someone else.
Howard said he odes love MAD Magazine but he's not going to take that filthy stuff. He said they all had a film of dirt on them.
Howard asked Robin why she sent him that book. Robin said she read it and she thought it was great. Robin said that it influenced Bill Gates. Howard said he was going to try to read it. He said he read the first 10 pages. He said the guy said that part of what he was going to teach you was finding your principles. Howard said he wanted him to just get to the point. Robin said that Howard has developed great principles. Howard asked why Robin doesn't know what her's are. Robin said you have to think about why you make the decisions you make. Robin said it was very enlightening to her and she knows Howard is looking for that. Howard said just boil it down to 3 pages. Robin said she'll do a book report.
Robin said you have to learn to listen to people who disagree with you. Howard said he does that. Robin said he does with some people. Robin said he didn't in the past.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him to just chill out and accept a gift. She said he threw it in the garbage. Howard said it was dirty, filthy magazines from 50 years ago. He said it was covered in dirt. Howard said it was disgusting. Howard said he's going to send her his garbage from dinner last night. He said that's the same thing. The caller said just be more grateful. Robin said he did write a nice note. Howard said he did. He said he thanked him for thinking of him. The caller said just re-gift them. Howard said he's not going to torture someone with that. Howard said he should send Drew his old toilet paper. The caller told Howard to enjoy life. Howard said he does enjoy life. Howard said he loves painting and reading the NY Times. He said he loves the NY Times. Howard said he read his Hitler book and stuff like that. Howard said that Hitler book is like slogging through death. He said it's too much detail. Robin asked why he'd want to immerse himself in that. Howard said he wanted to learn about World War II and what led up to that. Howard said it's a lot to read though.
Howard asked if he has time to play the Beetlejuice game. Gary said Rosie is there. Howard said he'll try to get to it later then. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Rosie O'Donnell there. Howard said he thinks it's appropriate that Fred is playing Billy Corgan because Rosie wrote him a note about how great the interview was with him recently.
Howard said Rosie is there and she's in a new show called SMILF. Howard said Fred just played that clip and he didn't even ask him to. Rosie said she doesn't know Billy's music that well. She said a lot of the rock guys Howard loves she learns about from him. She said that she didn't know so much about Billy that she learned in the interview. Howard said Billy is so talented musically that she should get his albums and play them. Rosie said she actually did. She said that she stared listening to him. Howard asked if she was able to connect. Rosie said after hearing him she could. She said that people like Howard and Billy scared her in high school.
Howard said Rosie was very popular in high school. She was homecoming queen and prom queen. Rosie said she had a hard time at home. She said she liked attention from her teachers. She said they loved her and they took an interest in her. She said that they raised them. She said she was interested in doing well.
Howard asked if she went to a high school reunion. Rosie said she did and that will be the last one. She said everyone got drunk and it wasn't the best. She said everyone was inappropriate. She said her friends got sick of people asking about her. She said it is odd when one person became well known and different from the rest. Howard said he won't spend too much time on this but he did ask her about her doing stand up when she was 16. She said she killed. Howard said the next time she went up and tanked because her friends weren't there. Rosie said she had dead silence.
Howard said Rosie took Jerry Seinfeld's material and did that. Rosie said she was asked to come back the next night and she thought that a joke was a joke so she took some of Jerry's stuff from his Merv Griffin appearance. She said she didn't know any better.
Howard said the other comedians said she was stealing his jokes. She admitted to it and said it was just stuff she saw the night before that Jerry did. She said that she didn't get it. Rosie said she was so depressed after that. She said that the club owner told her to just be the Emcee to get used to talking to the crowd. She said Shirley Hemphill came to the club and she insisted that she open for her. She said she also made sure she got paid for it.
Howard said he's going to go over Rosie's acting. Howard said she was in 3 of the biggest movies in one year. She was in Sleepless in Seattle, the Flintstones and A League of their Own. Howard said he thought she was going to be an actress and never get out of it. Rosie said she had a child and she wanted to make sure that he grew up knowing his cousins and family. Howard asked if her agent was pissed about her getting into a talk show after the hit movies. Rosie said that she thought that she had done all she could with the movies. She said there was no where left to go. Howard asked if she likes acting. Rosie said she loves it. Howard said she had success at 16 as a stand up.
Howard asked Rosie about going on and getting a call from NBC. Rosie said she called everyone she knew to wake them up when she was told that she was going to be on Saturday Night Live. She said that's every comic's dream. She said that she was put on Gimme a Break instead. She said now the guy playing her husband in SMILF played her husband on Gimme a Break. Howard asked what SMILF stands for. Rosie said it's Single Moms I'd Like to Fuck. Rosie said that the show is great and Howard would love it.
Howard asked what it's like playing a mentally ill mom. Rosie said that she asked to play it without makeup. She said that she is a depressed person and she takes Afexor herself. She said that she has tried to get off that stuff but she said she will never do that again. Rosie said she went on it after Columbine. She said that she wasn't able to work and she was crying on TV. She said she went on Prozac and then that stopped working. She said since 2003 she's been on Afexor. She said it's been great for her. She said she knew that she had to participate in her mental health.
Howard asked if Rosie thinks this is from the family life or is it biological. Rosie said she thinks it's both. She said that her family has a history and some of her family killed themselves.
Howard asked if Rosie has been suicidal. She said she thinks she has suicidal idealization but she never does think about how she would do it. She said Columbine was tough and then 9/11 and Katrina have been tough. She said now Trump is the next one for her. Howard said he hasn't seen her for a couple of years. Howard said there was a debate between Hillary and Donald Trump and in the middle of that Megyn Kelly was in there to. Howard asked where she was. Rosie said she was at the opening night of Hamilton and she was hunted down to comment on the debate. Howard said she must have thought that it wasn't going to happen. Rosie said she thought it was comical and there was no way it was going to happen. Howard asked when she knew that things were getting close. Rosie said she met with the Hillary campaign and she knew what Donald was capable of. She said she knew how to fight him.
Howard asked when she got into it with Donald first. Rosie said she was on The View and she spoke about him kissing a girl at the Miss America thing he does. She said that he's like a pimp and telling his girl that she misbehaved. She said that she said she was critical of him. She said that she also said that he had been bankrupt and he was a sexual predator. She said that set him off like you wouldn't believe. She said that Trump went on every show and every show allowed him to blast her. She said that Trump was talking about how horrible she was. She said that no one did anything when he was doing that. Howard said she must have treated it like it was a joke. Howard said then he gets the nomination and he could be her number one enemy.
Rosie said she had no worries about him. She said he has no power. Rosie said that he's a phony and a private citizen. She said he doesn't really have any kind of power. She said anyone with an intellect can understand that. Howard said Kathy Griffin got into a thing with Trump and now she claims that when she takes a flight she's on a no fly list. Howard said she claims it's because of the Trump thing she did. Howard asked if it could be Rosie getting audited or something. Rosie said she has nothing to do with her money and she doesn't discuss it. She said her brother Timmy handles all of that. She said what Kathy did was a mistake. She said she was doing what terrorists do to us. She said when she saw the image that's what she thought. She said she called Kathy and told her to take it down. She said that she should pick up her iPhone and apologize. She said she thinks she did it because that photographer wanted to do it. She said she just wanted that photographer to work with her.
Howard asked about Rosie being asked about Trump and how he said he only makes fun of Rosie O'Donnell. Rosie said that everyone laughed and no one said anything. She said not even Megyn Kelly. Rosie said that Trump will try to take his reality and sell that as the truth. Howard said Trump wished her well when she had a heart attack. Rosie said he's not Don Rickles. She said that Don would do that kind of thing but Trump isn't an entertainer. Howard said it's a weird fame she's not looking for. Rosie said it's been over a decade now and she can't get away from it. She said that Trump is a clear and present danger to the world and to life itself.
Howard asked when she found out about Trump winning. Rosie said they were shooting SMILF at the time. She said she went to Boston and she told the cast she might end up in the Charles River if the worst happens. She said they were shooting in a bakery and she felt like she was going to throw up. She said an old woman was in there and this woman who owns the bakery said she didn't look good. Then this other woman tells her to shut up. She said that she said she never did like her. Rosie said she didn't know how she was going to live in this world. Rosie said they finished shooting two days ago in Boston and this old Irish man came to her and said she's an American Hero and a patriot. She said it's changed in a year.
Howard said she got through it. Rosie said she did last week when Bob Mueller did what he did. She said it was like the air of a balloon was let back into her. She said she doesn't think that Trump is going to make it 4 years. She said she knows it for a fact inside. Howard said she even said that she had a feeling that Billy Corgan was telling the truth about seeing a shape shifter.
Howard said that Rosie agrees with Billy about the World Trade Center coming down. Rosie said she does not believe the official story. She said that Marvin Bush was in charge of security there at the buildings that came down. She said that it's very suspicious when you see the facts. She said that she thinks that the shooter in Las Vegas was also part of the FBI. She said that she thinks he was there to sell guns to terrorists and they turned the tables on him. She said that he shot 500 people in that amount of time and it was just 3 weeks ago and it's hardly in the news anymore.
Howard said the shootings are starting to become every day now. Howard said that this guy went to a hotel and went berserk. Rosie said that he had no social media footprint. Howard said that people might be doing this to commit suicide. Rosie said that she thinks that Mueller is doing great things. Howard said he thinks she'd have sex with him. Rosie said she would do whatever she had to do as long as he kept this going.
Howard said Rosie had a heart attack and she had her stomach stapled. Howard asked how much of her stomach is out of commission. Rosie said they leave about 1/4 of it. She said that she's 50 pounds less than she was. Howard said that has to be fantastic for her. Howard asked if she got a new wardrobe. Rosie said she doesn't care about that stuff. She said she can tell the difference in a photo but not look in a mirror. She said she has that body dysmorphia. Howard asked if she's sad about that. He said she seems to be. Rosie said it's more of a disconnect. She said that she was sexually abused and you disassociate from your body. Howard asked if it would be weird for her to look in the mirror before bed and think she looks good. Rosie said she wouldn't think that. She said when she was at her thinnest she was maybe 160. She said two men came out to her and helped her with the self serve. She said she didn't even realize that she was cheating on her diet but she went to get ice cream. She said he wanted to make her body something that wouldn't get them out of there where they were getting their candy.
Howard asked Rosie about her operation and how that worked. Rosie said that the sleeve they used to do would cause problems with dumping. She said that you have to go and you can't control it. She said Al Roker talked about having an accident in the White House. She said you only have that operation when you're near death. She said the doctors said that they're not sure how she survived but she did. She said that she knew she was having a heart attack and took some aspirin. She said that her arms hurt and she thought that something was wrong. She said she didn't think it was a heart attack. She said she had helped a woman out of a car that day. She said Yolanda King had a heart attack on the same day and she died. Rosie said she had a 100 percent blockage of one of her arteries and she should have died. She said they call that the Widow maker.
Howard asked who has been there for her through all of this. He asked if she's still friendly with Oprah. Rosie said that she reached out to her when her ex Michelle died back in September. Rosie said that Oprah has always been nice to her but they're not that close.
Howard said Rosie was just starting her show for Oprah back when they saw her last. Howard said she really wanted to come through for her. Rosie said that she still thinks about what she could have done for her. She said Oprah has done so much for so many. Howard said maybe they pulled the plug on that show too quickly. Rosie said it wasn't her. Howard said they were attracting an audience. Howard said it takes time. Howard said she was just starting on a network that had no lead in. Rosie said it was on at 6 at night too. She said it was weird. Howard said things are different now. Rosie said they really are.
Howard said he thought doing a live show was weird because you never know what's going to happen. Howard said he loves radio because it's just him and a couple of people. Rosie said she loved her radio show. She said she loved having her friends and whoever she wanted. She said that it was live for 2 hours and it was take it or leave it. She said she'd love to do it again.
Howard said Rosie was thinking of replacing Kathie Lee Gifford. Howard said there was a rumor that she might leave. Howard asked if she talked about doing that. Rosie said she had worked with Regis a bunch of times. He said that Kathie wasn't leaving and she got her own show instead. She said it was right after all of these horrible negative shows were on. She said that she liked her guests and wanted them to thrive and be good. She said that she had Tom Selleck on the show and that was the first controversy on the show. Howard said she'd never had that before. Rosie said that she just wanted to have fun on the show. Howard said it was a formula for success. He said that's what Ellen is doing now. Rosie said Ellen has the same staff that she did.
Howard said Rosie could have kept that going for years. Rosie said she couldn't. She said that she just didn't have the ability to go out that much. She said she and Howard have gone to dinner and they have learned that they have a similar lifestyle. Howard said she can be happy sitting at home and locking herself in a playroom painting. Rosie said she loves doing things at home and she's perfectly content.
Howard asked if SMILF takes her out of that. Rosie said it does but she saw that Frankie Shaw had done and they were great. She said they were so profoundly feminist and she loved it. She said that they called her up and asked her to be the mother on the show. Rosie said that she would love to do that. Howard said the show is on Showtime and there are how many episodes. Rosie said there are 10 in the first season. She said she's the oldest person on the set so that's kind of weird.
Howard said that there's a lot of sexual assault stuff coming out of Hollywood these days. Howard said Rosie mentioned that they all knew that Kevin Spacey was in the closet. She said that she didn't know he was coming on to young kids allegedly or that Harvey Weinstein was allegedly raping women. Howard said he knows a woman who was chased around the room by Harvey and that's all he knew about it. Rosie said that she never in a million years would think a man who looks like Harvey would make a woman watch him jerk off or shower. She said that the woman had to be disgusted. She said she was shocked by the rape allegations. Howard said he was too.
Howard said there are women now who must have played along with him and they must be embarrassed by the whole thing. Rosie said there are women who went on to do things even after he did things to them. Howard said there are people who work with Woody Allen. Rosie said she was offered a role with Woody but she turned it down because she won't work with pedophiles. She said she got close to Mia Farrow after that. She said that Mia said she doesn't know many people who would do that.
Howard said Roman Polanski gets accolades to this day. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. Rosie said that there's Jeremy Piven now too. Howard said she denies it all. Rosie said there are so many women though. She said there are women who have written to her about Jeremy Piven. She said that since those accusations came out she has gotten a lot of notes from women. She said that some of the women have come forth. She said she got a lot about Bill Cosby too.
Rosie said she has never had a guy try to get with her in the business but as a kid she did. Rosie said she wonders how many women have really gone through this. Howard said that these guys are dream crushers. Robin said that all they want is to get into your pants and they're horrible.
Rosie said that Harvey called her a cunt to her face. She said the movie Wide Awake was a Weinstein movie and Harvey didn't like the cut. She said that he recut the movie and she went with M. Night Shyamalan to talk to Harvey about cutting his movie and Harvey called her a cunt to her face. Howard said that's tough to take. Rosie said she didn't even tell that story. She said Night is the one who told a reporter that and the reporter had to ask her if that happened to confirm the story. Rosie said that Harvey embodied everything that you don't want to be.
Howard said he was talking to Jimmy Kimmel about that when he was on. He said these guys like Harvey and Bill O'Reilly want to get naked. Howard said just keep your clothes on and hope they're into your brain. Rosie said she was shocked that these executives got away with it. She said she's 55 now and she grew up thinking that they'd get more power as women. She said that she loves that Frankie Shaw is writing, directing and starring in SMILF. She said that it was inspiring to watch her on the set. She said she's only 31 years old.
Rosie said that they say that Hollywood is racist but it's really everyone. She said that this country is racist and it happens everywhere.
Howard said he's thinking about Rosie doing The View and raising the ratings. Howard said she went back and did it a second time. Howard said it should have just worked out. Rosie said she thought so too. She said it was with Whoopi too. She said she thought it would be great. Howard said he loved it when she fought with Elisabeth too. Rosie said she was going to love her to death no matter what. She said that's how she went in there. Rosie said she wanted to lift her up and she was loving to her. She said then she turned on her live on TV and she said she can't do this.
Howard asked what happened with Elisabeth. Rosie said that she had brought up going into Iraq and how they didn't do anything to us on 9/11. She said Elisabeth went on to talk about how she was unamerican and she didn't defend her.
Howard and Rosie talked about how they love watching MSNBC. Howard said maybe she's getting riled up over that. Rosie said she has cut back to just 3 hours a night of watching that.
Howard said that when Jerry Seinfeld was in there he mentioned that Rosie tried out for Seinfeld. Rosie said that she did and Larry David was there and so was Carol Leifer. She said that she doesn't know that she could have done better than Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
Howard asked Rosie if she was jealous over that part. Rosie said not that role. She said she did get jealous of another role that she lost. She said that was Helen Hunt. Rosie said that was so long ago that it was just one of many auditions. She said that it's funny to see shows with all of your friends on them. She said you get to know everyone.
Howard asked if being in movies and hanging with Madonna on a set is weird. Rosie said it is weird. She said that she thought that it was interesting that Sandra Bernhard was hanging with Madonna and then the next thing she knows she's the one hanging with Madonna. Howard asked if she's still close to Sandra. Rosie said she is.
Howard asked if she's done having kids. Rosie said she thinks she is. She said she thinks she does this because she didn't have a mother. She said every child wants to have that person. She said she used to take her friends mom's and befriend them. She said that most kids at 14 don't want to talk to their moms. She said that she brought her son to the therapist and she's crying her eyes out and he asks if they can adjust her medication.
Howard asked if things were so bad as a kid that she'd break her own bones. Rosie said she would. She said she'd use a very heavy wood hanger. Rosie said they had those little wooden bats too. She said she would hit something on her hands as a kid. She said after her mom died she would do that and then she knew when it was broken. She said it was sort of like cutting is. She said that your brain can't handle both pains so one of the receptors is turned off. She said there were horrible things going on in her house at night. She said that it was hard to articulate all of that.
Howard said she must have gone to the doctor and they must have wondered why she had so many broken bones. Rosie said no. She said today it would but not in the 70s. She said that it took her until she was about 22 before she stopped it. She said she had to have done it at least a dozen times.
Robin asked if she still has effects from that. Rosie said that one hand is damaged from an infection she had. She said that it won't close all the way.
Rosie said she understands that this cutting and pain thing is being done for a reason. She said that the kid is crying out for help.
Howard said that Rosie never watched Carson but she watched a lot of other shows. Rosie said that Totie Fields was her favorite. Howard said he thought she was great too. Howard said she lost a leg at some point and he rememberers feeling really bad about that. Rosie said Totie actually died getting plastic surgery. Howard said he loved it when she would walk out in those Mumus. Howard said Jack E Leonard was also a great on those shows. Rosie said she was never a Carson person. She said she wanted to be a backup singer with Bette Midler. Howard asked if she went to see her on Broadway. Rosie said she's been three times. Howard said he would go see that. Rosie said they might have to go together.
Howard said Rosie's mom didn't like Joan Rivers. Rosie said she didn't and she didn't like her because her mom didn't like her. Howard said his mom told him that Carson wasn't a nice person so he hated Carson too. Howard said the thing that changed his mother's life was Carson because he had the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi on the show and that changed her life.
Rosie said she's been meditating for about 12 years now and it's been a real change for her. Howard said he was asked to interview the Maharishi but he didn't want to do it on his show. He said he flew his mom to Washington and his mom was there in tears and he was interviewing him. He said he got to do it a couple of times and it was really heavy.
Howard asked Rosie about saying that she would play Steve Bannon on Saturday Night Live. Rosie said she didn't really say that but she did put up a picture that someone had created. She said that she didn't ask to go on the show. She said that they have a great cast over there. Rosie said that they're doing just fine without her over there. She said she did look scarily like Steve Bannon though. She said he might be the antichrist.
Howard said that Rosie is on SMILF and she plays a disturbed woman on the show. Howard said she plays the mother of the SMILF. Howard said it sounds like a good story. Rosie said she feels like the mother of this girl for real. She said it's sort of a Shameless kind of feel.
Howard asked if she's trying to save the world in some way. Rosie said she might be. Howard said she once said she wanted to become friends with Tom Cruise because she thinks she could save him. Rosie said that she thinks in her fantasy world that he'd call her up asking her to save him. Howard asked if he needs saving. Rosie said he's caught in a cult. Howard said all religions are cults. Howard said they're just trying to tame everyone. Rosie said it's brain washing. She said that she hasn't reached out to him or anything.
Rosie mentioned that she did a charity event for Kevin Spacey and she bid for something at the event and he called her up weeks later asking for more money. She said that she never liked him and she knew he was slimy. Howard said these guys who are great actors have some kind of empathy and you think that they'd be in touch with people. He said you'd think they wouldn't be predators. Rosie said she was shocked when she heard the accusations. Robin said Kevin really plays a good villain. Rosie said that Ralph Fiennes was such a good Nazi that she can't even look at him now.
Rosie said that she thinks that Trump getting caught and getting away with that he has done has made women think about it and come forward. Howard said that there's more outrage about Billy Bush being part of it than Trump was in that tape. Rosie said that's shocking that the President could be such a blatant misogynist.
Howard asked if she saw Donald Trump drowning would she jump in and save him. Rosie said that she might not jump in but she might throw him a floatie with an anchor on it. She said she probably world save him. She said she hates that about herself. She said she doesn't want him to die but she would like to see him in jail the rest of his life. Rosie said that Trump reminds her of Bernie Madoff. She said that he used his own children to make money. She said that they're part of a cult of Trump. She said that they had no chance in that family. She said that she's glad Marla Maples protected Tiffany like she did. She said god bless Marla Maples.
Howard said this is some discussion they're having. Howard said he'd like to hear about her romance now. Rosie said he knows. Howard said he's acting like he doesn't know. Rosie said she is happy and she's dating someone younger than her. She said she's 22 years younger. She said she's 32. Howard said Beth is 19 years younger than him. Howard asked why it's trippy for her. Rosie said she gets along so well with her and the one thing she doesn't know is Streisand. She said that's she will never marry again though. Howard said he didn't think he would either.
Rosie said that she would like to stay in it for love. Howard asked if she's good at picking a partner. Rosie said that Elizabeth asked her out a few times and she said no. She said she met her at a charity event and she thought that she was Pink at the time. She said that she didn't know why Pink was at her show. She said she met her there and she asked her out and she said she was too young. Rosie said a year later she agreed to go out with her. Howard said he admires that about her. He said he could never wait a year.
Howard asked if Rosie has told her girlfriend she loves her. Rosie said of course she has. She said she's a police officer too. Howard said he likes that. Rosie said she does too. She said she was in the army as well. She was a 911 operator. Rosie said the first night she stayed over the alarm went off in the house and Elizabeth ran out with her gun to make sure the house was clear. She said that she went out to talk to the police for her and it was the biggest turn on for her. She said it was her protecting them instinctually. Howard said he predicts another marriage. Howard said he thinks there's love in the air. Rosie said that Elizabeth wrote her a poem that was great. She said it was beautiful. She said that's when she asked her to take her to dinner. She said they still joke about their age difference.
Howard gave Rosie another plug for SMILF and said that you can also go to Rosie.com for more information about her.
Howard asked if she could ever date a Trump supporter. Rosie said no a bunch of times. Howard asked if she would do it if she was hot. Rosie said no way. She said that Trump is a disgrace to the nation and she can't be friends with people who support him. She said she is friends with about 3 people who did vote for him.
Howard wrapped up with Rosie and Rosie said she would like to buy Billy Corgan a drink. She told Howard they have to go out for dinner too. Howard said they should do that. Howard went to break as short time later.
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Howard came back and said he would have been back earlier but he was fighting with his headphones. He said he wants a hook to hang them on when he goes to the bathroom. Howard said it's annoying. He said it's already tomorrow. He said he likes that song though. He said Taylor Swift is so hot. He said he thinks she'd be a lot of fun. Robin said she's heard that song way too much. Howard had to do a live commercial read after that. During the commercial Robin said her driver told her that Howard is a very good looking man. She said this is what she had to listen to while she was trying to get home. Howard said he's finally attractive to someone and it's Robin's driver Gene.
Howard said he's going to make a hook for his headphones. He said they're all tangled up. Howard told Robin to tell Gene he's going to give him some shirtless pictures of him. Robin said he went on and on about how young and youthful he appears. Howard said he does. Fred played some music and Howard sang to Gene about the gift he wants to hand over to him. They're a bunch of MAD Magazines he got from Dr. Drew.
Howard asked Robin if she did the songs last week that she was going to record. Robin said she did but she wasn't sure that she had the right material. Howard said that means it will be extra good.
Howard took a call from Tan Mom who asked if she should make chicken soup. Howard asked if she met someone. She said she did. She said she'd like to know if she should make chicken soup. Howard said he doesn't eat birds anymore... Tan Mom started cracking up. She said she's asking if she should make a chicken with this guy or not wait. Howard said he's trying to work with her on this. Howard said he's not sure what she means. Tan Mom just said she wants to know if he should fuck him. Howard said that's a big leap to make saying chicken soup and pluck. Howard said that's an extraordinary leap. Howard said he doesn't speak Tan Mom.
Howard asked if Tan Mom is attracted to the guy. She said she is. She said she met him 2 months ago. Howard said she's still married though. Tan Mom said that she's not married. She said that the guy is just the guy she had kids with. Howard said go ahead and have chicken soup with this guy. Howard asked if she ever swallows his broth. Tan Mom said no. She said she would spit it out. She said she doesn't like the smell down there. She said he would have to shower. She said she's kind of lazy actually.
Howard said he has Tanner Mom (Shuli) on the other line. Howard said he wants to find out what she has to say. Howard talked to Tanner Mom and asked some questions about Tan Mom. Tan Mom said that this is just some idiot. Howard asked Tan Mom what she makes of this. Tan Mom said it's just some idiot. Howard asked if Tanner Mom is fucking the guy she met. Tanner Mom said that she made him Pastrami on Rye. Howard said Tanner Mom makes no sense. Howard said he has to run. He said to answer Tan Mom's question he said he thinks that chicken soup is on the menu. Howard said practice safe chicken soup. Tanner Mom was still on and asking what Tan Mom is scared of. Tan Mom said she's going to wrap it up and let them go. She said this is where she goes. She said this is like when Sal was blowing Richard.
Howard let both Tan Mom and Tanner Mom go. He said he doesn't know this guy so why ask him about that?
Robin started of her news with a story about a Finnish airline that's weighing baggage and also the customers. Robin said they hope to cut fuel costs by doing this. They're doing a study and they hope to only weigh 2000 customers. Robin said you know this means they'll charge you more eventually. Howard said they'll probably be gone before then. He said he thinks that they'll have an apocalypse and they won't have to worry about that stuff. Howard said he thinks we're all ''chicken souped'' if you catch his drift.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they should have Rosie on the show twice a month. Howard said she is fantastic. The caller said she is just so honest and down to earth. Howard said she is something else. Howard said they were supposed to have Rosie on a half a year ago and something happened. The caller said Rosie is so great and she loves Howard. She said everyone who heard the show today knows she should be on more often. Howard said he really likes Rosie. He said he gets a kick out of her. He said they had a bumpy start though. Howard said he thinks everyone should love this show and everyone should listen. He said he was offended by people listening to any other radio station. He said he was fucking ill. Robin said that's just wanting to be successful. Howard said he was ill. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Rand Paul getting assaulted at his home while mowing his lawn. Robin said he was allegedly attacked by a neighbor. Robin read the details of the attack and they're saying that they're not sure what led to the assault. Robin said the neighbor has been critical of President Trump on Facebook. Howard said he's impressed that he was out mowing his own lawn. Robin said they say he was blind sided and there were no words between them. Howard said he's charged with 4th degree assault. Howard said he's not sure what that is. Howard said if anyone knows it's Brent.
Howard took a call from a guy who said all of these liberal assholes are out of hand. He said get in line or get off the planet. Howard said Rosie is liberal and he's happy to hear her opinion. Howard said he gets accused of being too conservative or too liberal in the email every day. He said he's way too liberal on the homosexual issues and too conservative on the gun thing.
Howard said Brent is setting up for the Wrap Up Show so he can't come in. Howard said there's nothing more important than that.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Mad Dog Russo impression and talking about Howard's right wing guests and how he leans right too. Howard spent a minute with him before letting him go.
Robin read a story about a guy who makes a living channeling spirits. Howard said don't get him started on that. Robin said this guy has a following and he used a church facility. Robin said he would do this on a regular basis and he would contact the dead. Robin said as of a few weeks ago they were booted from the church and they said the reason was because he was tapping into negative energy and stirring up evil spirits. Howard said this guy can't contact anybody. He guarantees that. Robin said the church was worried about the neighborhood. Howard said no one can contact the dead. Howard said everyone is up to nonsense. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about today being November 6th and asked what this day means to him. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said it's the day Anthony Weiner is reporting for prison. Howard said he thought it was the day that Brent realizes that the Wrap Up Show is so secondary to this show and he should come running in. Robin read some details about Weiner and what he's going into prison for. Howard said that guy had it made and he just blew it. He said these guys think they can send a picture of his cock to a woman and they're going to be turned on. He said no woman wants to see that.
Howard said they asked prison convicts on the street about tips for Weiner. One guy said that you walk around with shit on your ass. He said no one wants a shitty ass. The guy said he was a gang member so no one ever tried to fuck with him. Howard played another clip of an ex-con talking about doing time for selling drugs. He said he didn't have any tips for a pedophile. He said they'd beat the shit out of him in prison. The guy said just look at him and his face screams pedophile.
Robin read a story about people struggling with the change of time for Daylight Saving Time. Robin said Arizona and Hawaii don't participate. Robin read some statistics about what happens when the time changes.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Alec Baldwin is having another baby and they did a gender reveal thing with a cake. Robin said he seems to be trying to repopulate the world. Howard said to have more Baldwins in the world is a good thing. Mariann asked if she should make meatballs tonight. Howard let her go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin giggles a lot when Adam Levine is on. Howard said he noticed that. He said everyone is aware of that. The caller said he did a science project where he listened to Kelly Clarkson and Robin talked and laughed during her interview 8 times. During Adam Levine's interview it was 26 times.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he loved the Rosie interview too. He said she's setting a great example for women. He said that Robin has those qualities too. Howard said she's a fabulous guest. Howard said he was happy to have her there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's looking for advice. He said he runs a restaurant and he had an affair with a server and she got pregnant and had a baby. He said she's willing to keep it quiet because she's in love with him. He said he doesn't know what to do. He said he doesn't want to break up the family that he has. Robin said it's a little late to call for advice. Howard said he knows some guys who are in this position. He said you can keep the child quiet and lead a double life or remove yourself from that child's life and support it financially. Howard said his advice is to come clean. He said you fucked up and you go to your wife tonight and break the news. Howard said if he can't handle it then take her to a therapist. Howard said he has to tell the wife what he did. Howard said he screwed up but he's human. He said he should tell her that he wants to stay in the game. The caller said he has one kid in college and one in high school. Howard said he should tell the wife and kids. Howard said they might want to know this kid and it shouldn't come out in some weird way. The caller said it's hard to live with. Howard said having that secret is going to fuck him up. He said he's going to be nervous as shit and it could end up horribly.
Howard said if you live your life honestly just tell the truth and you'll be better off. Howard said he has older children too and he can't imagine sitting them down to tell them that. He said he doesn't know. The caller, KP, said it's the advice he probably already knew. He said it's hard to live with. KP said it's a struggle to live with the secret every day. Robin said she thinks Howard is right and he has to just be honest to live in comfort. Robin said he has to start from there. Howard said the third option is to bring the waitress on the Maury show and see if it's really his. He said he can tell his wife there too. Howard let him go and did a live commercial read.
Robin read a story about a church shooting in Sutherland Springs, Texas. Robin said a man started shooting during the service. Robin said that some men chased the suspect. Robin had some audio of one of the men talking about how they chased the man down. Robin said the suspect's name was Devin Kelley and he was found dead in his car. Howard asked if he killed himself. Robin said she wasn't sure but Howard got a note saying that he did kill himself. Robin read about how 12 of the victims were children. Robin said they're still trying to figure out why this happened. Robin said President Trump said that we need better mental health treatment to stop this from happening. Robin had a few audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about election day coming up tomorrow. Robin said New Jersey and Virginia will be electing new governors. Robin said Jon Bon Jovi was campaigning for John Murphy. Robin had some audio of him doing that.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Fallon's mom passing away. Robin said he canceled a taping last Friday. Robin said she was only 68 years old. Robin said they say that she was his biggest fan. Robin said Jimmy has canceled a week of shows.
Robin read a story about the Kennedy files that were released and they had a lot of information about Martin Luther King. Robin said they say that he may have had a love child. Howard asked if he told his wife about that. Robin said she thinks that he may have just lived his life. Howard said he's not sure if he told that guy the right thing to do earlier. He said that could go horribly wrong too. Robin said it's all wrong. She said if you cheat then anything that comes of that becomes rotten fruit. Howard said just wear a rubber at the very least. Robin read about the Martin Luther King Jr. stuff and they said that he may have bedded Joan Baez. Robin said they say he may have cheated with a woman who he may have had a child with. Robin said he was also allegedly into orgies.
Robin read a story about another allegation about Kevin Spacey and the actor Harry Dreyfus who is the son of Richard Dreyfus. Robin said Harry claims that he was groped in the same room that his father was in during rehearsal for a play. Robin said that Harry claims that Spacey was putting his hand on his thigh and moving it up and up and then Harry ran off.
Howard said that Harvey Weinstein must be happy about this. Howard took a call from fake Harvey who ended up talking about the Kevin Spacey thing saying he's such a perv. Robin said 90-some women have come forward about him. Harvey said there are a lot more women that he didn't rape out there. Harvey also asked Robin to yell ''No! Stop! Get off me!'' because it really turns him on. Robin said no to that. Harvey said he has to go so have a ''great rape of the day...''
Robin read a story about how Netflix has shut down production of House of Cards and they will not be working with Kevin Spacey on anymore episodes. Robin said Netflix has also said they won't be going forward with the movie Gore that was going to be with Spacey.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression and saying that Kevin Spacey is there with him. He did a little bit of a Spacey impression too.
Robin read a story about the last election by a DNC chairwoman Donna Brazile. Robin said she has some interesting things to say about Hillary Clinton. Robin read about how the party was dead and Hillary's campaign had taken over. Robin said she also claims that she was going to replace Hillary with Joe Biden and Corey Booker after Hillary had her fainting spell. Robin had some audio of Brazile for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about how President Trump is trying to get the Justice Department to investigate Hillary Clinton. Robin said that Lindsay Graham has come out saying he's crossing the line for doing that. Robin said Trump is in Japan and he met with the leader of Japan. Robin said he's pushing for fair trade with that country. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that.
Robin read a story about how the number one movie at the box office was the Thor movie.
Robin said that P. Diddy has a new name change. Robin said Sean Combs is over being Diddy. Robin had a clip of him saying that he is changing his name again. Fred had some audio of Riley Martin saying ''Willy Fistergash'' and ''Hugh Jassole.'' Combs is going to go by ''Love'' from now on. He said he won't answer to any of those other names.
Robin said that Justin Verlander and Kate Upton ran off to get married this weekend. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
After the break they played a song parody about ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' and Taylor Swift's ''Shake it Off'' as they were coming back.
Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody about her chocolate nipples. Howard said he's going to throw up. He said it's time for news.
Howard started the show talking about Sirius radio and forgetting the XM part. He said he always forgets the XM part. He was going to tell Robin something but he said he's waiting until next week to tell her. Howard said he does some planning on the show.
Howard said yesterday he was showing off to Robin. He got the new iPhone set up. He said he was sending her emojis. He said he did a demo for the guys. He said he got the iPhone X and he's excited about it now. He said Beth didn't want one but then she saw his and wanted one. Robin said he was playing with it. Howard said it has this cool thing where it does facial recognition. He said it opens up automatically. He said it works really well. He said it's not like that fingerprint thing. Robin said Howard told her someone had a problem with the face recognition. Howard said maybe. Robin said it was Matt Lauer. Howard said it recognizes him.
Howard said they have emojis that follow your face. He said if you blink the emoji blinks. He said he wishes he had one of his own. He said the phone has sold out already. Robin said she went to pre-order and she wasn't able to do it. Robin said she went to get it done on a certain day and they told her to come back. She said there's no way she's coming back.
Howard said the phone is cool and he likes it. He said he likes the facial recognition. He said he doesn't miss the home button. He said he tested the phone on Ralph to see if he could open it since he looks like him a little bit. Howard said he thinks Fran Leibowitz could open it. Either that or Rhea Perlman. Howard said one of the women who was accusing Bill Cosby of sexual assault looked like him too. He said Joey Ramone might be able to open it too.
Howard said he'd like to have all of them come in and try to open his phone. Robin said maybe Weird Al too. Howard said that and a witches costume from Halloween.
Howard said the kids from Stranger Things were up there the other day. He said he thinks all of the kids were in the green room there and they must have been looking at him with admiration. He said that they may not even know who he is. Howard said he wanted to go look at them but he didn't do it. Howard said he was thinking maybe they knew him from America's Got Talent. Howard said maybe they've forgotten about him already. He said he's been gone a couple of years now. Howard said they might not even know him.
Howard read a note about Chris Rock getting booed over some sexual harassment material he did. Howard said he saw Larry David trying to do holocaust material. He said it might be too soon. He said that's a tricky topic. He said that he may not have tested the material. He said it just wasn't funny but Larry is a really funny guy. Howard said you can't try it out on television. Robin said it happened.
Howard said Bobo has been calling for 2 days to talk about Larry David. Howard took the call and Bobo said Larry stepped over the line with his material. He did some of the lines and Howard said he heard it already. He said he doesn't have to reenact it. Howard asked if anyone needs to hear that. Bobo said he just thinks he stepped over the line. Howard said you have to know how to do those jokes. Howard said he's not sure why he's discussing this with Bobo. He said you can joke about anything as long as it's funny.
Bobo said 6 million Jews died. Howard said there's still a way to make jokes. Howard said Larry David knows how to do it. He said he's very skilled but he went on Saturday Night Live and that might not be the best place to work that shit out.
Howard said Bobo has been on the line for 2 days with that. Howard played a song parody about Bobo. Howard said Bobo gets so much negative feedback. He said that Bobo pitched a new idea to Shuli the other day. He played a clip of Bobo pitching the idea of doing a question of the day. Bobo wanted to do a thing where people guess how many more times Gary will trip coming into the studio since he'd done it twice already. Howard said everything he has is written down. He said it was off the cuff though.
Howard said that he was going to say hello to the kids from Stranger Things but he thought they wouldn't care. Howard said he likes the new season. He said it's a great show. Robin asked if it's a controversial season. Robin said people have questions about it. Howard said the show is terrific and it's 9 episodes and a great little story. He said it's a show that you either like or not. He said people are commenting and saying that Millie's character might get a spin off of her own. Howard said that makes sense. He said she'll grow up and she will have super powers.
Howard said he was going to go in and see what was doing but he didn't do it. Robin said by the time she walked out they were all in the fish bowl. Robin said she didn't walk up there. Howard said he kind of digs seeing them. He said he heard they all showed up in a clown car. Howard said the older teen age kids don't get the attention. Robin said one got arrested and no one even cared. Howard said the little kids seem to get all of the attention. Howard said then Millie Bobby Brown shows up in a separate car. Robin said that's like Lassie getting her own car. Robin said she saw that once. Robin said she saw the dog walk the red carpet by herself once.
Howard tried to do his Millie Bobby Brown's Agent voice but his megaphone was cutting out. Howard said she showed up in her own car and the rest of the kids just accepted it. Howard said Millie was on a show by herself and then the other kids joined her. Robin asked how the other kids feel about that. Howard did his Agent voice and said he couldn't care less.
Howard said Millie was on Jimmy Fallon by herself and the rest of the kids came on a couple of nights later. Howard said Millie has been singled out. Robin said the kid with the lisp must have an agent. Robin said when the whole Stranger Things show broke he was on a show by himself but then Millie started getting her own and it was over.
Howard said he has some Millie Bobby Brown clips to play. He said she told a story about bringing food with her to an awards show. She brings Nutella sticks with her. Howard said the story was basically that she got hungry at the Golden Globes.
Howard did his Agent voice again and talked about how no one tells a better story than her. He did the voice for a short time talking about how she's not offending anyone with those stories. Howard said Fallon is salivating over her stories. Millie's Agent said that Millie has a story about Doritos but she's saving that for Colbert.
Howard stayed in his Agent character for a few minutes pitching some ideas for movies that Millie could be in. He asked if Robin is following him. Robin said she can't follow because there's too much going on. The Agent was talking about sexual assault, bloody feet on a ballerina and bullimia going on in the movie. He said she can't miss with that.
The Agent was talking about how no one will see the movie but they'll claim they did. He said everyone should see it but they never actually do. Howard said her follow up will be a comedy. Howard said she does Stranger Things, Stranger Things 2 and then a movie about Bullimia and then a comedy. The Agent said she'll do a movie where Jennifer Aniston plays her mother. He said Adam Sandler will play her father. He said Ronnie will play a pallbearer in the movie too.
Millie's Agent said that after all of that she'll go back to a serious role. He said she'll play two characters in that one. He said Jennifer Lawrence will play her sister. The Agent said that they'll have a retarded daughter too. The agent said it's going to be great. Robin said she can't wait. The agent said it'll be like the movie Philadelphia but they'll call it Pittsburgh.
Howard got out of character and played another clip of Millie talking about wearing a costume that her dad dared her to wear. Fallon was cracking up over this not-so-funny story she was telling. Howard did his agent character again and talked about how great these stories are coming from Millie. Howard played more of the clip of Millie talking about this stupid thing she did and Fallon cracking up over it. Millie's agent was saying that Fallon's knee was red from him slapping it so much.
Howard said that's the costume story she told. Robin said she's some story teller. Millie's agent said she can tell a holocaust story and make it funny. He said that she can do that better than Larry David. The agent was talking about how they can have Millie's character Eleven taking on the Nazis. Howard said that would be awesome.
Robin said she's glad to know she has a lot in her future. Howard said Johnny Carson wishes he could come back to life and interview Millie.
Howard played another clip of Millie talking about how much she loves the Kardashians. She told another unfunny story that Fallon was laughing at. Millie's agent said that they pump that studio full of laughing gas so she can't fail. Millie's Agent said that Colbert would have killed to hear that anecdote.
Howard said she's so relateable. The Agent said he's right about that. Howard asked if they've have enough of her. He said she was on TRL too. Howard said she was on for 3 segments without the other kids. Robin asked what she could have done for 3 segments. Howard played a clip of Millie talking about how she learned the American accent for the show. Millie talked about how easy it was for her.
Howard said he's a fan. He said they were having a debate this morning about Stranger Things. Howard said they were talking about if Millie wasn't a part of the show if they would watch season 3. Howard said she's the most important part of the show for him. He said that they have to give her a show of her own on Netflix.
Howard said he thinks they've had enough of her for now. Howard said the email says that they shouldn't spend so much time on that.
Howard said he went to bed at 7:30 and he was up by 10. He said he was looking at his pathetic hard on and he's not that big. He said his finger is bigger next to his penis. Howard said he's not sure if he should jerk off or pee. He said he had this big hard on. Howard said he peed and went back to bed and then he's up at 2 in the morning again. He said he only drank half a glass of Perrier. Robin said he must have had something else. Howard said he didn't have anything else. He said he's so aggravated.
Howard said Jon Bernthal is coming in today. He said he's in the new Punisher on Netflix. Robin said she hasn't seen that. Howard said Fred was The Punisher for Halloween. Howard said Jon is a method actor. He said when he's in character he's really in character. Robin said he's one of the nicest people that you could meet. Robin said he's incredibly scary. Howard said The Punisher is coming out on the 17th. He said he must have gotten a preview copy. He said he's seen it already. Howard said he has some perks because of his fame.
Howard said the guys called a Swap Shop show and made another phony phone call. Robin said she can't believe that still exists. Howard said it's wild that people still try to sell stuff that way. Howard said the guys called in and tried to sell something. Howard said they wanted to see how long they'd hold on if they asked them to hold on a second. Howard said he'd just hang up but not these guys. Howard played the clip and Sal was on the phone saying he was selling a wheelchair. He asked the host to hold on a second and then just disappears for like 30 seconds. The host keeps waiting and not talking. The host moved on and hung up. Then Sal calls back and puts him on hold for a second. He puts him on hold a few times and keeps picking up and putting him on hold. The host eventually hangs up. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said today is Tuesday. He said it's the big meeting day there. He said he should have peed there but he didn't. He said that he should have. Howard said he was going to get up to walk around but he just sat there. Howard asked Robin how much she's walking these days. Robin said she's doing about 15,000 steps a day. Robin said she's got one of those watch things that keeps you up to date on how many steps you take. Robin said it has a lot of information on it and she's addicted to it. Howard asked how many steps she's taken today. Robin said she's only done 1000 so far. She said she has to get up to 15,000. Howard asked where she walks. Robin said you have to spread it out over the day. Howard asked Robin how she does it. Robin said she'll get up and walk around for 10 minutes. Howard said good for you. He said that's good. Robin said Dr. Agus said you should get up and walk every hour. Howard said he can't do that. Howard said he's doing a show. He said maybe they can do the show while walking.
Howard said he can't believe what Robin is doing. Robin said she has to get in 5 miles every day. Howard asked when she has time for that. Robin said it's interspersed during her day. Robin said she has to drive 2 hours to work so she'll stop and walk around the parking lot. Robin said if you see a woman walking around a parking lot it's probably her.
Howard said look at her. Howard asked Fred where her music is. Robin said there were kids walking up and down the halls while she was walking the stairs on Halloween. Howard said he has to get one of those watches. He asked if she's worried about the radioactivity. Robin said there are constantly lights going on. She said they measure your pulse. Robin said it will burn you. Robin said she has to loosen it once in a while.
Howard played a clip of Pat and his co-host talking about this note they got from someone asking for advice and asking why they lost their 15 year old when they've been faithful to God. Howard interrupted and said they should be going to someone other than Pat Robertson for advice. Howard played more of the clip and Pat acts like he knows the answer. Pat talked about how God doesn't spare us from things. He said he can help you overcome it. He said maybe the 15 year old was living for the lord but maybe the lord was trying to spare him from something in the future. Robin said God let Hitler live but not this 15 year old. Howard said the theory is that the son was going to grow up maybe gay and the lord was trying to save him. Howard did his impression of Pat Robertson and goofed on him for a little bit. Howard had him saying that Hitler was into chicks so God spared him. He had Pat talking about how this kid could have grown up to like ass and cock. He said that he may have watched the Oprah network too. He said there's nothing to find there.
Howard was still doing his Pat Robertson voice and talking about how God will let anyone who is heterosexual live. Robin said there is speculation that Hitler was into people taking a dump on his chest. Howard, as Pat, said he did enjoy that but with a woman. He said that's why God spared him.
Howard had Pat talking about how God knew that this 15 year old was a deviant. Howard said what a thing to say to a parent who lost her 15 year old. Howard said maybe he was going to grow up to look like Howard Stern so God spared him from that.
Howard said he likes how Pat Robertson knows all of this. Robin asked if the woman got over her grief after that. Howard said he could have been a religious cult leader. Howard said he could have duped a bunch of dumb asses. He said he would have felt guilty taking their money. Howard said Jim Bakker claimed to know about 9/11 a year and a half before it happened. Howard asked how TV stations support this but they fire Kevin Spacey. Howard said these guys just make stuff up. Robin said there's something magical about using the word God.
Howard played a clip of Jim Bakker talking about how he got 8 things from God in 1999 and 9/11 was in that. Bakker was talking about how he knew about 9/11 but he didn't know when it was going to happen. He said you don't know exactly when it happens.
Howard played more of Jim Bakker talking about how he's a prophet and you have to stop making fun of them. Howard said he's talking to guys like him who are making fun of him. Howard said he thinks something is going to happen to him because he's making fun. Robin said if he was a prophet he should have known he was going to jail. Howard said he just sells shitty food buckets to people.
Howard said he should think about fleecing old ladies with his food buckets. Howard said God is going to make him answer for that. Howard said no one is talking to anybody.
Howard said the guy can't get the shit out of his ass but he wants a Flat Ronnie. Howard asked why he would care about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why JD keeps his fiancee a secret on social media. He said that it's funny because he found her on Instagram. Howard said he thinks she wants to be a private citizen. Howard hung up on the guy. Howard said he thinks the guy figured out how to monitor JD's fiancee. Howard said he doesn't want to get started with that.
Howard asked who spends time trying to figure out how to spy on JD's girlfriend. Howard said she's a girl and she's with JD. Howard said you'd want to be private too. Howard said she doesn't want to be evaluated. Howard played an Unsolved Mysteries bit about JD and how he found a girlfriend.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that he's been a fan of Jon Bernthal's for a while. He asked Howard what he thinks is the most overplayed song ever. Howard said maybe Stairway to Heaven or Free Bird. Howard said that Free Bird is way overplayed. He said they used to do research and they found that everyone loves the song. Howard said he was never a big fan but listeners liked it. Howard said Stairway to Heaven is a good song but you burn out on it after a while. Howard said he thinks those are the two most overplayed songs.
Balls asked about bands that Howard didn't care about that were big. Howard said he didn't like the Doors. He said he never got that. He said that he can appreciate Rush but he doesn't get it. Gary said the most played song is The Beatles ''Yesterday'' and it gets played a lot. Howard said he doesn't hear it though. He said Free Bird is played a lot. Gary said ''You've Lost That Loving Feeling'' is another one.
Howard said that Brent told him that The Doors are one of the best bands out there. Howard said they're not that good. Howard said even the name of the band is stupid. Howard said at least The Beatles have a cool name. He said The Doors should be The Bores. Robin said she liked it. Balls asked what songs get him the most annoyed. Howard said Riders on the Storm he can handle. Howard said he can deal with a few of their songs. Fred said maybe The End is one he doesn't like. Howard said he can handle that. Howard said Light My Fire is annoying. He said they had a lot of weird shit. Howard said they had Peace Frog. Fred played some of ''Light My Fire'' and Howard said how about ''LA Woman.'' Howard asked him to play ''Peace Frog'' and sang some of that. Robin said that's not so great. Howard said he could write some of this shit. He said he told Fred he needs a hit. Fred played some ''Peace Frog.'' Howard said listen to that. He said he can't handle that. He said he wants to vomit.
Gary said Brent wants to come in and talk about why The Doors are better than The Beatles. Howard said come on in Brent. Brent came in a short time later and said that Ray Manzarek was a genius. He said that Jim Morrison was great too. He said that he got the whole catalog of The Beatles music when he was working at a station. He said he listened to all of their stuff. Howard was arguing with Brent before he even started. Howard said he has to get out of this. Brent said that The Doors had a lot of great music. Howard said he hates when people argue over music.
Howard asked Brent what weed lube is. Brent said it's lube that you use for sex that has marijuana in it. He said it gets you high. Howard asked if he uses it on his wife. Brent said he does and if you go down on her then you get really high. Howard asked what happened to just smoking weed. Brent said he saw the article on Vice and he decided to try it. Brent said that it's a body high that you get. Howard asked where you get that weed lube. Brent said you can get it in California.
Howard asked if he has tried jerking off with the lube. Brent said he jerks off dry. Howard said he should try that.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Doors impression and playing some of their music. Howard said Sour is hit or miss. Today it didn't work.
Gary said that Brent is upset with him and Jon Hein because they're voting for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they won't vote for Judas Priest. Gary said they have Bon Jovi in there and they're not going to vote for Judas Priest. Howard had Fred play some Judas Priest. Howard talked it up like he was at WNBC.
Howard asked who Jon and Gary voted for. Gary said they voted for the Moody Blues, The Cars and others. Brent was still arguing for Judas Priest. Howard said that J Geils deserves to be in too. Robin said she doesn't know about that.
Howard said Brent's wife is on the phone and she's jerking off with weed lube. Fred played a few more Judas Priest songs. Robin said she can live without all of them. Brent said he thinks there's a heavy metal bias there.
Gary said Richard Christy told him that when Iron Maiden gets nominated that he would blow him if he voted for them. Howard said it all comes down to blowing for Richard.
Howard took the call from the guys in the back who were doing the Brent's wife bit. She said she can't feel her cunt. Howard asked if she's listening to the Doors. She said she is. She was screaming with pleasure.
Howard said he has another Citizen Hatley bit to play. Robin said he must have been so excited about the guys who chased down the Texas shooter. Brent said he was. Howard played the Citizen Hatley bit where Brent was on the street talking to a guy selling CDs without a street vendor license. Brent asked to see his license but the guy told him to get the fuck out of there. Brent tried to stay calm but the guy went off on him telling him to get his ass out of there. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he wants to try to give away a speaker system to Megan. Megan said she would love that. She said she thinks she's about to ''Mariann'' but she'll stay calm. Howard said he would love to be in the FBI. He said he can't chase anyone but he might be a good profiler. Howard asked what Megan would want to be. Megan said whatever Howard would want to be. Howard said she has to keep her mouth shut. He said they don't want to fuck her up.
Howard said he feels he would be recruited if he was in the service and he wanted to be in the FBI. Howard said he would have served and gotten a purple heart. Howard said then someone shoots at him and he takes fragments in his head. He said he survives. He said he gets the purple heart and the FBI wants to recruit him. He said then he become a profiler. Howard said he cracks 5 or 6 cases a year. Howard said this is his life. He said he's very tough. Howard said he's a crack shot and never misses. Robin said he's a crackpot. Howard said he's like John Wick.
Howard said it's time for Megan to play the Big Foot Spelling Game. Howard said she has to get 3 out of 5.
Howard said he's going to give Megan a shot at winning a speaker system worth $999.99. Howard asked if she thinks Big Foot can spell ''OK.'' Robin said he must be able to spell that. Howard said he'll accept OK or okay. Megan said she will say he can spell it. Howard played the clip of Big Foot answering and he said ''I don't know. I have no idea.'' Robin said get out of here.
Howard asked Megan if she thinks that Big Foot can spell ''Off.'' Howard asked if Robin knows how to spell that. Robin did. Howard said she's a show off. Howard asked Megan what she thinks. She said no he can't. Howard played the answer and Big Foot spelled it ''Off.''
Howard asked Megan if he can spell ''it.'' Megan said she's going to say no after Robin said no. Howard played the clip and Big Foot said ''I don't know.''
Howard asked Megan if she thinks Big Foot can spell ''On.'' Megan said she's going to say Big Foot can't spell it. Howard played the clip and Big Foot spelled it ''On.'' Howard said Megan just lost. Megan said she appreciates his time. Howard said he wants to give it to her because she's a veteran. Megan said she did 7 years and her mom and dad did time too. She said that her dad has three purple hearts too. She said that he was a Sargent Major. Howard said that there are few Sargent Majors out there. Megan said her mom was an E8. Howard asked where Megan served. She said she was in the army and she did 15 months in Iraq. She said that she couldn't even wear perfume over there because everyone was turning their heads to look at her. She said she had to stink after that.
Howard said she's probably attractive. Megan said she likes to think so. Howard said he can tell from her voice. Howard asked if she looks like Pam Anderson. She said she's told she looks like Kate Winslet. She said she lost some very dear friends over there and she came close to stuff over there but she was involved with computers and communications over there.
Howard asked what the craziest thing was that she saw over there. Megan said there was another woman over there and she complained about the army people who stink and she got hit by a mortar and lost her arm. She said that her Army guys saved her life. She said that was the craziest thing she saw. Howard asked if she ever shit in the sand and buried it. Megan said she didn't but her husband did. She said that they had shower and bathrooms where she was at. Howard said he used to shit in the rice paddys over there when he was in Nam.
Howard said he's breaking the rules for Megan. He said he's giving her one last chance. Howard said they asked Big Foot to spell ''Bat.'' Howard asked Robin how to spell that. Robin got it. Megan said there's no way Big Foot can get that. Howard said this is all or nothing. Howard played the clip and Big Foot said ''I don't know... B... I don't know.'' Howard said Megan just won. He said she won an SVS sound system. Howard put her on hold and did a live commercial read. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Jon Bernthal there. He said Jon is from The Walking Dead and from The Punisher. Howard said look at him. He said he's a tough guy. Howard said he's seen him in so many things. Howard asked if he has a thumb ring. Jon said it's a good luck ring. He said it has the artist's initials on the side. Howard said that would annoy him. Jon said he's been wearing it for like 17 years. Howard said he saw that Jon got to hug Robin earlier. Howard said it's too bad he's married because he could have Robin.
Howard said he thinks Jon has a great story to tell. He said he got to be known on The Walking Dead and things exploded for him. Howard asked if he thought that would be the break out role of his life. Jon said the show started out humble and it was a 6 episode pick up. He said it blew him away when it becomes a hit. Jon said he was being sued at the time and he had some legal problems. He said he had gotten into some trouble and this guy ended up suing them. He said it was a pivotal moment in his life.
Howard said Jon went to jail a few times. Jon said he did. He said this event was July 3, 2009. He said they had a big July 4th party in Venice at the family house. He said he was walking his two dogs down the street and some people were out partying. He said there was an older couple playing the Didgeridoo. He said he had two pit bulls and they were playing and the dogs stopped to listen to it. He said one of the guys from the party picked up the Didgeridoo and put it on his crotch. He said it just rubbed him so wrong. He said it pissed him off and right after that the guy looked at his dog and he called them over. He said he called his dog back and the guy held on to the dog. He said the guy said don't touch my dog when he started to pull it away. He said the guy followed him and he told him not to. He said he turned around and hit the guy. He said he hit him hard. He said the guy got knocked out and fell on his head. He said he can't believe he's getting into this first thing.
Howard said this is a strange position to be in. He said there's a line. Howard said he's seen guys do that on video and he thinks they were within rights to do that. Jon said he grew up with every opportunity in his life and he had a nose for trouble. He said this night the guy got knocked out and he ended up fighting the other guys there. He said the guy was still unconscious at the time. He said he was in a couple of TV shows and he was then locked up in the LAPD Pacific edition. He said if that guy didn't wake up then he would have been in big trouble. He said he just couldn't believe that he was in this position.
Howard asked if the cops knew what happened. Jon said they didn't see it. He said he knew he was in trouble if the guy didn't wake up. He said he knew he could be locked up. Jon said he knew that the devil inside him was going to have to come out. He said that he asked the lord to get him out of this thing and he'll change his life for the better. He said that event ended up being the single most important event in his life.
Jon said that he got off criminally but the guy found out he was an actor and sued him for 2 million. He said that he was facing money problems. He said he had proposed to his girlfriend at the time and she's now his wife. He said things were bad though. Jon said he had auditioned for a show and he got the part. Howard said he was auditioning for The Walking Dead and he got a part in NCIS: LA. Howard said Jon thinks The Walking Dead script is so good that he turns that show down. Jon said he hadn't even auditioned for The Walking Dead yet. He said that he isn't sure if it was ballsy or what but he read the script and knew it was something special. He said it was one of those jobs that got better and better. Robin asked if he wanted to be Shane or anything. Jon said he wanted to be Shane.
Howard said the way he heard it a bunch of guys auditioned for characters and they didn't know what they were going to get. Jon said they all auditioned for Rick first. He said that they all read for both roles. There were about 10 guys auditioning. He said that Frank Darabont did it in a really special way. He said some of the guys were unraveling by the end of it. He said Frank asked a guy to take his gum out and the guy took the gum out and handed it to Frank Darabont. He said he got to see unnerved and rattled people can get. Howard said sometimes that works. He said they can end up getting a character from doing that.
Howard asked where his dogs were when he got into the fight. Jon said that they're the best. He said that people have to stop with the pit bull hate. He said to be afraid of a breed of a dog is ridiculous. He said if you get bit by one it's going to suck but they're no more dangerous than any other breed. He said that some people treat the dogs horribly and that's what they get.
Howard said that Jon's acting technique is interesting. Howard said he's a purist. Jon said that he came into the game kind of late and when he found acting he felt a connection with something spiritual and pure. He said it saved his life and gave him direction.
Howard said he loves the story about how he found acting. Howard said he grew up in Washington DC. Jon said his father had a great job and his brother is a surgeon and he's just a fucked up kid. Jon got into trouble with the law and he wasn't interested in acting. Jon said he was a jock who was into football and baseball. Howard asked what got him into trouble with the law. Jon said it was all over the board. He said he did a lot of fighting. He said he had one of those things where he just got into trouble. He said all of his friends are doing well now. He said they were adventurous and they grew up in a crazy city. He said they weren't afraid to get into anything. He said they were fiercely loyal to each other too.
Howard said it must have been a nightmare for his parents. Jon said he can't imagine what it was like for them now that he's a dad. Howard asked if they ask what the fuck he was doing. Jon said he was so thick headed. Howard said Jon went to college but it was a joke. Howard said then he joined an acting class. Jon said he thought it was going to be like 100 people in the class and he could sit in the back and drop acid. He said that everyone sat on the floor and they were doing an intro to acting class. He said the first assignment was to bring in something that meant something to you and show it to class. He said that this girl brought in a Blues Traveler CD and she ended up crying over it. He said it was working its way to him and they were taking it so seriously. He said he didn't even bring something in with him.
Howard asked what he brought to class. Jon said he was going to fall baseball practice and he grabbed his catcher's mitt and launched into a story about how his mother gave it to him on her death bead. He said he was crying his eyes out and everyone in class was crying. He said they were all moved. He said that he was horrified by it and he was just bull shitting them. He said he felt horrible. Jon said his teacher asked him to audition for the college play and that was it. He said he got into the play and the teacher was directing. He said his mom wanted to come see it but he told her that she can't see it.
Howard said Jon moved to Russia to learn acting. Howard asked why he did that. Jon said that same teacher told him that he should do that. He said that he was playing baseball in college but his studies were out the window. He said he went to Alma Becker, his teacher, and asked what he had to do to keep acting. He said she told him that he should go to the Moscow Art Theater in Russia. He said she knew that she had to get him out of there and away from his friends. He said he had two girlfriends at the same time back then too.
Howard said Jon is a good looking guy but he puts himself down. Jon said he has long ear lobes. He showed them to Howard. Howard said they look fine.
Howard said Jon goes to Russia and they taught him how to act. Robin asked if learned Russian over there. Jon said he did pick up some while he was there. He said it was great for him.
Howard said while he was in Russia the head of Harvard acting class was there and they offered him a scholarship to the school. Howard said he's a Harvard graduate. Jon said he had to do that for 2 years. He said he went back to Russia after that. Howard said he must be good if Harvard recognizes him. Jon said he's grateful for that time in Russia. He said it was good for him over there. He said they tell you that you suck if you suck. Howard asked if he banged a lot of women over there in Russia. Jon said it was a crazy time but Russian women don't have romance. He said it's cold and it's like business. He said it's not romantic. Jon said that they're like dudes in that way. He said it got scary for him.
Howard said he read that he saw a woman getting assaulted and a guy pulled a gun on him when he tried to intervene. Howard said he must have thought he couldn't get away from trouble. Jon said he thought he was a tough kid but this showed him he wasn't so tough. Howard said that must have been scary. Jon said he had been in situations where he had guns around him but not like this. He said this was a shitty day overall. He said he was living in a tough part of Moscow at the time. He said these guys grab a woman by her hair and they pull her into the car. He said that she wasn't fighting them either. He said she looked right at him and he was the only one on the street. He said they were opening her head open on the side of a building. He said they were killing her. Jon said he had only been there 3 days. He said he ran up to the guys and he grabbed one and it didn't dawn on him that he was in Russia. He said the guy was so calm and he pushed him back and pulled a gun and put it to his head and said ''Go away.'' He said he went away. He said he knew that the guy would have killed him if he didn't go away. Howard said he might be more of a bad ass than the Punisher.
Howard asked if he goes into character and no one can address him as Jon. Jon said he thinks this is a guy who lives in a world of darkness. Howard said he heard he doesn't talk to his wife and kids for months. Jon said he does isolate himself. He said he does talk to his wife. He said she's the only one. He said he wouldn't feel right about being out and about. He said he can't go to bars and restaurants. He said his kids can see him too but he wouldn't want to be that guy around them.
Howard said it's a good way to get away from the kids. Jon said he's not looking to have fun with that character. He said he has found peace in his life. Howard asked what he tells the kids. He asked if he tells them that he has to go off for a few months and be this character. Jon said the kids are really young and it's getting harder and harder to be away from them. He said he has a job to do though. He said if he's going to do it he has to do it right.
Howard asked if he stays on the set when he's in character. Jon said he doesn't take it that far.
Howard said Jon played Al Capone in a movie. He asked if he was playing that character like that. Jon said no. Howard asked if it's true that he would carry a bunch of weight in his back pack while walking around in character. Jon said he did that walking around New York City. He said it was different weight all the time.
Howard asked Jon about doing the movie with Martin Scorsese. He said he's the guy who hits Jonah Hill in the face. Jon said that he drove across country with his dad and his dog. He said that if you turn on the radio his dad will slap shit out of your hands. He said if you stop to get gas you have to get everything within a certain time. He said that he just wants to move. Howard said that's how he is. Howard said he and his roommate would drive to school and they wouldn't stop. He said they were fucking nuts. Jon said he and his dad drove to Florida and he was going to take his time going to Georgia from there. He said he got 3 hours up the road and he left his credit card at the TGI Fridays. He said that he could hear his dad going off on him.
Howard asked about punching Jonah Hill on the set of that movie. Howard asked if he broke his teeth. Jon said he heard him tell that story on the show. He said that was a big thrill for him. He said that he was in character but he said to Jonah that he was going to slap him for real. He said he asked him to slap him back after the scene is over. He said that he wanted to do it for real for Scorsese. Jon said Jonah wasn't into it at the time but it really wasn't working. He said Leo stepped up and said they should do it for real. Jon said they were ready with an ice pack. He said you just do it right once. He said he made sure that he did it right. He said he did break his fake teeth.
Howard said Jon has broken his nose like 14 times. Jon said he has. He said it's been a lot. Howard said he has to be careful with his face. Jon said he's a mongrel looking guy so that ship has sailed. Jon said he has auditioned for a lot of shows and they look at him in horror at times.
Howard said Jon gets The Walking Dead and then they kill him off after the second season. Howard said that the other guys are milking that show. Howard asked if he wondered why. Jon said he knew from the beginning that it was going to happen. He said this is just his luck. He said looking back at it he thinks it was a good thing. He said that some of the guys on The Walking Dead are still his friends. He said Norman Reedus is so great. He said he's so sweet and he's good to his fans. He said that he was starting out a family and they were great role models for him.
Howard asked if they can make a lot of money doing that show. Jon said he didn't make a fucking penny on the show but he thinks that Norman is going to do fine. He said he tried to renegotiate his contract but that didn't work. He said that he was doing fine in his career but it wasn't a lot of money. Howard said he was all over TV and he didn't have a big bank account. Jon said it was never about that for him. He said he loved that job and loved playing that part. He said he liked having a beginning, middle and end.
Howard said he loves that he had to fuck this woman in the woods for the first scene he shot. Jon said he loves Sarah. He said he's still close to her and he loves her husband. He said that the husband was watching and stuff. Howard said Jon is method so he must have needed penetration. Howard said he knows women who have demanded that. Jon said he knows that happens. He said on pay cable you can't thrust your hips. He said he did it anyway. He said that he was told to stop and then he feels like a pervert. Jon said he wanted to do it from behind. He said AMC cut one scene because they were getting really graphic. He said he was trying to figure out ways in sex scenes to push it. He said it was down and dirty stuff. He said that you go for it when there are walking dead around. He said he had one scene in a green Hyundai and they showed a wide shot of the car instead. He said it was too graphic to show. He said they got into it.
Jon said that he told his buddy to pan up to his face and he spits in his hand to kind of lube things up down there. He said he thought that was a way to keep it gritty. Howard said he's insane.
Howard said when Jon dies on the Walking Dead it must be tough. Howard said that some people fuck it up. Jon said that every second of it you give it your all. Howard asked if he improvised it all. Jon said they did. He said that he and Andy just did it and it was a beautiful night. He said that another guy who had been killed off 2 weeks before flew in for the scene. He said that they kept doing it over and over and he'll never forget it.
Howard asked if he ever gets nervous about playing parts that people might see and will screw up his career. Jon said he worries all the time. He said that he's doing a new movie soon and he's scared about that. He said that he's hungry for this stuff and he never wants to stop.
Howard said people ask if he gets nervous about his show and he does. He said that he feels like he's going to throw up before doing it. Jon said that means he still cares. He said doing this show means so much to him too. He said Howard cares about his show and he appreciates that.
Howard asked if he wants to win an Academy award. Jon said that doing this show is enough for him. He said that his agent knows how much it means to him.
Howard said that he has to talk to him about The Punisher. Howard said he liked him in Daredevil and in the Punisher too. Howard said he saw it already and he loved it. Howard asked how many weeks it takes to shoot. Jon said it's about 7 months to do 13 episodes. Howard asked if he had to audition for it. Jon said he did. He said he was over in Ireland doing a movie where he plays a mute. Howard said that's the role he wants. Howard asked if he got all method on that. Jon said he tried. He said he went 2 weeks not saying a word. He said they were all living in Ireland and he was silent all day. He said he'd go to the hotel and he was writing stuff down.
Howard asked Jon about that and asked if he was making any sounds. Jon said he wasn't. He said he learned so much about himself and the part in that process. He said during the mute times he didn't even call his wife. He said 2 weeks in he realized what a mistake it was. He said he started talking about 2 weeks into it and the cast realized they liked him better silent.
Howard said Jon is in the movie ''Sweet Virginia'' now and that's coming out on November 17th. Jon said he's playing a part where he gets in with the wrong people. Jon said he thinks Howard will really like it. He said it's a beautiful movie but it's horrifying too. He said that he thinks this guy is going to rock people's world.
Howard said Jon started out a dirt bag. He said he was the black sheep and then he gets the acting bug and it saves his life. Howard asked how much time he spent in jail. Jon said it was just a few days at one time. Howard said he goes to jail and he's not doing well and he's not a good student. Howard said he wants an easy way out and he ends up in Russia studying with Russians. Howard said they don't coddle you over there. Howard said they tried to kill him over there. Howard said then he becomes an actor.
Howard asked if having Harvard on his resume makes a difference at all. Jon said it means nothing. He said he was living with a guy who he played baseball with and the guy was sleeping with all of the girls in the program. He said it was a mess.
Howard asked where he went to the bathroom in jail. Jon said it was different in all of the places. Howard asked if the toilet was in the cell. Jon said sometimes it's in the middle of the cell. He said he's held it in if it's in there around other people.
Howard said Jon has been to jail, he's been in trouble and he was almost killed in Russia. Howard said then he becomes a theater actor. Howard said when he did his movie he was in heaven. He said he loved that. Jon said that was a great movie too. Howard said what a story Jon has. He said he's in The Walking Dead and in The Punisher. Howard asked if he's going to do more seasons of that. Jon said he never knows. He said that he's happy to be in it.
Howard said that he has to keep ding it. He said that it was an honor to meet Jon. He said that the film is called ''Sweet Virginia.'' Howard said he falls in with an asshole. Howard said this guy is a maniac. Howard said you find out what happens when you fall in with the wrong people. Howard said he would go out of his mind. Howard said if Jon's kids are listening they have to know that if his dad is acting he doesn't have time to hang out with them. Howard said Jon is great as The Punisher. Howard said he loves that he just wears a t-shirt. He said he doesn't wear a cape.
Howard asked if he had to train with weapons. Jon said he does training all the time. Howard said Keanu Reeves is great with guns. Jon said the people who train you are the guys who deserve Academy Awards. Howard asked where he goes to train. Jon said there are places in New York and Los Angeles. Jon said he has to do it for the people who handle weapons all the time. He said that you can't mess it up.
Howard said Robin wants to bang him. Robin said stop it. She said she loves The Tank (The Fury) too. Howard said that Shia LaBeouf is a method guy too. Jon said that he pulled a tooth out for that movie. He said that he is method. He said he loves Shia. He said he thinks that he has it all together and in the next 10-20 years he'll be the most important actor. Howard said he never comes on the show. Robin said he should come in there. Jon said he'll talk to him about it.
Howard said he has to go see his movie. Howard said Jon is very committed to his roles. Howard said he isn't fucking around. Howard gave him some more plugs and Jon said he's been listening to Howard since he was a kid and he means a lot to him. Howard said don't let your kids listen to him. He said that he's a huge fan of his too. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he wanted to ask Jon about how he became The Punisher. Howard said he has to get into character and he's pissed off and he has to get revenge so how does he become that character as an actor. Howard said Robin must not care. She wasn't saying anything. Robin said he just got into it by explaining it. Howard said he's going to become the Punisher now. Howard let out a grunt and Robin laughed. Howard said don't laugh at his acting.
Howard said he saw an interview with Meryl Streep where she said she thinks about a secret she has. He said he talked to Paul Giamatti about how he got into character and he just put on a ring. He said he's not sure how that works. Robin said she heard that some actors create a whole back story for their characters. Howard said that's what Jon Bernthal is doing. Howard said he wants to look like that guy. He said he has a whole story about how he thinks he looks ugly. Howard said he's ugly and his nose has never been broken. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Jon Bernthal said he was bad looking but that's ridiculous. Robin said maybe because he's been on so many sets. Robin said maybe he's the least good looking of the good looking people. Howard said he saw Robin melting over there. Robin said he was describing those loves scenes and she can't just sit there. Howard said he bangs Ricks's wife in the first season. Robin said he was talking about spitting on his hand. Howard said he still doesn't get that. Robin said he was lubing himself up. Howard said he didn't get that. Howard said he wishes his earlobes were his worst feature. Howard said those are the only things they wouldn't touch if he went to a plastic surgeon. Howard said he learned a lot from Jon. He said he likes that guy. Robin said she met his dad and he was a very nice person too. Robin said she can't imagine his father saying that.
Howard said he can't pull off that thumb ring thing either. He said he stopped wearing rings too. He said when Jimmy Fallon describes how he fucked up his finger he thought about it and he doesn't want to wear rings. Howard said he got rid of his rings after that. He said he just stopped. Howard said he wore a ring on Jimmy Kimmel but he stopped after that. Robin said it just takes one person. Howard said a ring can kill you.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to tell him he didn't even know who this guy was. He said Howard made that so damn interesting that he has to look him up on the internet how. Howard said he's an interesting guy. Howard said it shows you that you can start out a bad kid and end up doing something good. The caller said that was a fantastic interview. Howard thanked him for that.
Robin said people think they do one thing in their life and they're marked. Howard said like Scott the Engineer. Howard said he hasn't been able to get out from under that black cloud. Howard said maybe Anthony Weiner can get out from that thing when he gets out of jail. Robin said she read that he didn't show up. Howard said he thought he did. Howard said Anthony Weiner got 21 months in jail. Robin said she hears ''life'' when she hears 21 months.
Howard said they should do some news. He played Robin into it with a song parody. Robin said she hates the word titties. Howard said he does too. He said so many guys get in trouble over titties. Howard said that's what got Harvey Weinstein in trouble.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw that they gave Howard a shout out on The Talking Dead. Howard said Norman Reedus gave them a shout out. Howard said you have to love him on The Walking Dead. Howard said JD pulled the clip but he felt it was self serving to play it. Howard said maybe he should. He said that Norman may have made a Stern Show reference when he said ''Christy Harmeyer.'' Gary said that was on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard asked why that was on Saturday Night Live.
Howard played the Norman Reedus shout out on The Talking Dead. Norman was talking about his show ''Ride with Norman Reedus'' and talking about how Howard Stern is the master of what he does. He also made an ''Off the cuff'' reference in that. Howard said on Saturday Night Live Larry David said ''Christy Harmeyer'' and people thought that was a Stern Show reference. Howard played a clip of that too. In that clip Larry David mentioned the name Christy Harmeyer. Howard said he knows that Bobby Moynihan used to try to work Stern Show references into the show. He said it could have been.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if JD's girlfriend calls him JD or Jamie. Howard said he's the one who came up with JD for Jamie. Howard said since he came up with it to make him seem cool he's going to say that she probably calls him Jamie. Howard said everyone there calls him JD. He said that he's going to guess that the fiancee calls him Jamie because she wants to be special. Howard said he has to be Jamie to her. Robin said she believes he's Jamie at home because JD makes the differentiation. She said she thinks that JD is often saying that JD is just his show name. At home he's Jamie. Howard said Robin is the one who suggested the name JD. Robin said she didn't bring that up. Howard said he needs the credit for everything. Robin said that his initials are his first and middle name. Howard didn't even know that.
Howard played a song parody about JD and asked what his girlfriend calls him. JD said she calls him both but she does say JD most of the time. Howard said what a game show that was. JD said he responds to both so it doesn't matter. He said that he's used to it.
The caller asked if it changes depending on who they're around. JD said whatever comes out comes out. Howard asked if he's Jamie during sex. JD said he's not getting into that. Howard said JD's dad wanted to name him after Jack Daniels. He is Jamie Daniel. JD said his mom put a stop to that.
Howard said he heard that JD's fiancee ran the NY Marathon and he wasn't there to cheer her on. JD said he was there. He said he didn't wait all day. He said last year he waited for hours but not this year. He said it was cold. Howard said see what happens in a relationship. JD said last year was very special because it was her first one. JD said she wasn't excited to run it this year so she didn't care about the time. Howard said JD cheered her on from the couch in the house. JD said she texted him when she was ready. He said that he kissed her and cheered her on and she left. Howard said he didn't follow one word of that. Robin said he lost her too. JD said he was there when she wanted him to be there.
The caller said that tape of JD going down the water slide and almost drowning in 3 feet of water was the greatest clip ever. He thanked JD and Howard for that. Howard let him go and did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they got a lot of email about Rosie O'Donnell yesterday. He said that it was all positive. Howard said that he got a lot of email about Ronnie too. Howard read through some of that and someone was complaining about the callers that they get.
Howard said that he has Rosie on the phone. He had Sour Shoes doing his impression of Rosie but he asked to speak to George Takei. Sour went right into that voice and had George talking about how Howard must be well hung if he had a boner when he got up at night. He said he must be ''noine'' inches long. Howard asked if George wakes up with a boner. George said he does every day.
Robin got back to her news and said that Stephen Hawking is talking about artificial AI and warning people that it could develop a will of its own. Howard said AI is controlled by humans. He said there's always a way to disconnect it. Howard said we create it. He said we're god. Robin said man is going to create it to do things without being watched. Howard said it's never going to happen. Robin said it's already threatening jobs around the world. Howard said it's so great that his new phone has emojis that follow his head movement. Howard said that's great. Robin said he's arguing with Stephen Hawking. Howard said he's as smart as Stephen Hawking. Robin said she knows he thinks he could play him. Howard said someone has to use his skills as Elephant Man or Stephen Hawking. Howard asked Robin to give him a scene. Robin said she loves My Left Foot. Howard went into his My Left Foot character and did his moaning and mumbling. He had Robin acting with him in that character. He had Robin putting her hand on his penis and he did his grunting.
Robin read a story about how Chuck Norris isn't going to be doing anymore action films. Howard said he's been retired for years. Robin said Chuck is now campaigning against MRI scans that are being given to people. Robin said he thinks that they poisoned his wife. Robin said they use a chemical in the MRI scans and Chuck's wife was hospitalized after the scan. Howard said Chuck is no longer going to do action films. Robin said no more. Howard said OJ just announced he won't be playing football anymore either. Howard said maybe they can have Chuck fight an MRI machine. Robin said she would tune in for that. Howard said maybe he'll come out of retirement for that.
Howard said he mentioned OJ and he wants to play a clip. Howard said OJ has a move where he's always walking toward a car. He said these guys see him and then the guys see him. He said OJ will stop at the car and he'll go into a long ass answer. Howard said this guy yells out about Caitlyn Jenner and OJ ends up talking about Caitlyn. Howard played the clip and OJ said he doesn't know Caitlyn and he never met Caitlyn. He said as far as Bruce is concerned he didn't know him very well either. He said maybe he's on to something because women live longer. Howard said OJ is accepting of everyone except the women who are married to him and want to live a live outside his. Howard said he just chops off people's heads. Howard said OJ always has an answer. Howard took a call from fake OJ who was making jokes and laughing about dumb jokes he was making. Howard said he has to go. OJ said he has to go because the dead body is starting to stink. He said that's just a joke. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Page Six reporting Mariah Carey is going under the gastric sleeve surgery. Robin said that she didn't know she was that heavy. Howard said he thought you had to be obese to do that. Robin said this is what she was afraid of happening. Robin said that people who don't need it are going to get it done.
Howard took a call from a 15 year old kid who asked if he would listen to an album he just released. Howard said he would never release a song at 15 years old. Howard said he would wait until he's like 18 or 19. Howard said this kid is not the next Bieber. He said he just has a feeling. Howard said he's still holding back on releasing his first album. Howard asked if he's going to be embarrassed by this music. The caller, Zach, said he won't be. He said the album is called Brown and Gray. He said it's up on iTunes. Howard had the kid play some of the music for him. Zach said this is his first track called ''On and On.'' Howard asked how old his sister is. Zach said she's 17. Howard asked what this is about. Zach said his dad cheated on his mom so he's going through a lot. He said that's what the song is about. Howard said he's emotionally invested now. Howard asked if his dad is Harvey Weinstein. Zach said he's not. He played the song for Howard and Robin said ''Oh dear.'' Howard said he thinks it's ''Different.'' Howard asked where the speaker is, in a cave? Howard said the connection is so bad it's not doing him justice. Howard wished him luck and let him go. Howard said he believes in him. Howard said he'll just leave it alone.
Robin said there's an email scam that's telling people that they have to update their Netflix account and they ask for credit card numbers. Robin said the scam emails started out last week. Robin said that Netflix is saying that they can go to Netflix.com/security for more information.
Howard took a call from Shuli in the back who was doing his High Pitch Erik impression. He was taking a hit from his bong and his voice got really deep when he coughed.
Robin read a story about how Kevin Spacey's face has been removed from the House of Cards show on Netflix. Howard said he thinks that show used to be their biggest one but now Stranger Things is. Robin had Howard play the theme from House of Cards and Howard made up some lyrics to go along with it. Robin read about how there are people signing a petition to get Kevin James to replace Kevin Spacey on House of Cards. Robin said Kevin Spacey has entered sex addiction rehab. Robin said it used to be at AA and now the big stars are all meeting at sex rehab.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein being seen walking around in a disguise but he's just wearing a baseball cap. Howard said he's an idiot because he has a disguise that's a baseball cap too. Howard said Beth laughs at him. He said that he thinks no one knows who he is but Beth thinks that it's just his hair under a baseball cap. He said he's like Clark Kent.
Howard took a call from fake Harvey Weinstein who said he's now the most hated old creep in America. He said ''Sorry Ronnie Mund.'' Harvey talked about a few things with Howard. Robin read some details from a story about Harvey and the Harvey clips were just saying ''Yes'' and ''Mmm Hmm'' confirming what she was saying. Howard let fake Harvey go after that. He did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about Harvey Weinstein being thrown out by the people who give out Emmys. Robin said he's no longer a part of the Academy Awards either.
Robin read a story about Meryl Streep saying that she didn't have an offense committed against her by Dustin Hoffman. Robin read about how Dustin came up to her and burped and put his hand on her breast. Robin said that the article was not an accurate representation of that meeting. Robin said that Hoffman apologized and she accepted. Robin said she doesn't want to be lumped into that whole thing.
Robin read about how Simon Cowell fell down. Robin thought it was on The X Factor but it was at home. Howard said he read it was at home. Robin said he's back on the show now. Howard said thank god. Howard had fake Simon on the phone and talked to him for a short time about his fall.
Robin read a story about the shooter at the Texas shooter. Robin said that his name was never put into a criminal database after he was charged with domestic abuse. Robin said that he was convicted of assault and he never should have been able to buy a gun. Howard said that drives him crazy. He said they should investigate that. Robin said they are going to do that. Robin said he was discharged from the military and he wasn't flagged. Robin said no one did their job with that.
Robin read about the man who stopped the shooter. Robin said his name is Steven Wilford. Robin had some audio of an interview he did with a local news station. Robin said the guy grabbed his AR-15 and chased the shooter down. Robin said he knew what he had to do. She had audio of Wilford talking about doing what he did. Robin said they think this guy targeted that church for a reason. Robin had some audio of the police talking about that.
Robin read a story about how President Trump has addressed gun control on his trip to Asia. Robin said he said that gun control might have made things worse if there was gun control. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that.
Robin read a story about the attorney general of Texas saying they should have armed security in churches. Robin said that's what it's come to.
Robin read a story about President Trump being in South Korea and how he's pushing that country to pressure North Korea. Robin had some audio of Trump asking them to do something over there to stop North Korea from continuing their nuclear weapon development.
Robin read about how Taylor Swift is filing a lawsuit against a group in Northern California. Robin said that she's suing a blogger for painting her as a white nationalist. Robin said that these groups are promoting the groups they like and they make her their icon. Robin said they're doing the same for Papa John's pizza.
Robin read a story about Paul Manafort and Rick Gates being confined to their homes with monitoring devices. Robin said the judge wants a firm deal in the disclosure of where the bail money is coming from.
Robin had Howard play a Elton John's ''Candle in the Wind'' and said that Elton is being honored by Harvard for his fight for the cure for AIDS. Robin read some details about that.
Robin read a story about Blac Chyna and how she's trying her hand at rapping now. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Robin heard a few seconds and said that's enough for her.
Robin read a story about Washington DC having the best company holiday parties. Robin had someone commenting on that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was just looking over at Fred's area and saw a candy bar looking thing. That's what he's eating for breakfast. He said it's not even the size of a Snicker's bar. Fred said it's a Luna bar and it's for women. He said he's eating a breakfast for women. Howard said look at his big titties. Fred said it's probably crap but that's what he's having. Howard asked how many calories it is. Fred said it's probably irrelevant. He can't find the information. Howard said Robin can look it up on the web.
Howard said he's always interested in what Fred is up to. He said that's what he's looking for. He said he can't see Fred today because he has a big screen in the studio. He said he can control the height of it too. Robin said she was wondering if it goes up and down. Howard asked where the button is for that screen. He said he can move it. He said he sees Fred when he goes to the bathroom. Robin said she saw him looking over there.
Fred said it's 190 calories in the bar. Howard thanked Gary for showing him where the button is. He told Robin to check out the screen. He said they built a new studio and it's very high tech. Robin said he could check Fred out all the time. Howard said maybe he'll put it down sometime. Howard said he can leave it up halfway or so and he can see Fred.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she got a happy ending massage from a man the other day. She said that she ordered a massage therapist through an app. She said the guy came and he had a massage table. She said the she got a regular massage at first. Howard asked if she's hot. She said she's told she looks like Gwyneth Paltrow. Howard asked if she was totally nude but in a towel. She said she was in a robe.
The caller, Julie, said that she was getting the massage and she figured that she'd let him do it. Howard said that's how guys get in trouble. He said he knew a woman who got her titties rubbed. Julie said he was doing that too. Howard said he had a friend who was a masseuse and he'd go into women's asses like knuckle deep. Howard said that's like rape. He said they can be charged with crimes for that.
Howard asked if she would have had sex with him. Julie said no. Howard said she looks like Gwyneth and she weighs how much. She said like 122. She said she's 5'5'' tall. Howard said she could lose 5. Howard said he's just joking of course.
Howard asked Julie about the guy showing up and if he was handsome. Julie said he was. She said she had panties on when he started. She said they were string bikini. Howard said this is crazy. He said it's crazy to invite someone over like that. She said she had a male friend over when he came. She said that it got stranger because he told her that he is married but they have an arrangement.
Howard asked Julie if she had a towel on. She said the guy had a sheet she was under. Howard asked if she was still in her panties. She said she was. She said you start face down. Howard said that hurts. He doesn't get that. Julie said that she likes it. Howard said the guy is rubbing her back and all of that. Howard asked when she knows he's a player. Julie said that it took a while. She said it was an hour long massage and maybe 45 minutes in that's when he went for the breast. Howard asked if she flipped over. She said that he did have her flip. She said he was almost asking with his fingers. She said that he went to her nipples and she went crazy. She said he spent 5-10 minutes on her nips and then went into the thigh. Howard said women like having the nips rubbed. Howard said that's like a pit stop to him. He said he will rub them for 5-10 seconds. Howard said he's impatient. Julie said she was all worked up from that. She said her cats were running around like crazy.
Howard asked Julie if she was moaning. She said she was. She made some of those noises for Howard. Howard said Fred just came on the new partition. Howard said it used to go up and down but now it's fucked up.
Howard asked if the guy started working his way down her stomach. Julie said he did. She said he went to her inner thigh and he was working upward. She said that she was getting really loud. She said that she decided she wanted it and let him continue. Howard asked if she kept her eyes closed. She said she did. She said he had a huge boner too. She said that he kept rubbing it on her feet. Howard asked if he took it out. She said he kept it in. Howard said there must be rules for this.
Julie said she eventually took his finger and put it in. Howard said that's wild. She said that he ended up staying an extra 15 minutes or so after the hour was up. She said he was doing all kinds of things with his hands down there. Howard asked if she had oil on his fingers. She said he didn't. She said that could lead to an infection down there.
Howard asked what the secret is for a woman down there. She said touching the outside but getting inside too. She said she had his hand like he was shooting a gun. Howard asked how much this cost her. She said it was $125.
Howard asked if she came. She said she did 2 times. Howard asked if he just stopped or did she ask him to. She said he was out of time and he had to get going. Howard asked if she would have banged him. She said she wasn't into that. She said that she did consider it. She said she's not sure what kind of message that would send. She said she might book him again.
Howard asked if she thought about how he could be doing this to someone else. She said she did. She said that she was paying for it. She asked if she should book him again. Howard said he'll tell her what he thinks.
Howard said he knows a woman who fell asleep during a massage and the guy went down on her while she was sleeping. Howard said this stuff can get rapey. Howard said legitimate masseuses don't do this stuff. He said it's too risky. Howard said as hot as this story is 99 percent of the time the guys don't get it. Howard said the guy he knows told him that he's up women's asses and he's going to get arrested.
Howard said he has the masseuse on the phone. Howard took the call from the guys in the back and they were doing the voice of the Russian guy. He said that she looks more like Rebel Wilson meets Harvey Weinstein. Howard said he did her a favor and helped her out a little. The masseuse said he has a wart on his finger. Howard said he's ruining the fantasy. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said this guy is going to eventually end up boning her. Howard said she might not want to do that. Julie said that she does worry about it. Howard said that he does seem to be able to deliver. Howard said she could say that she's not looking to escalate. Howard said she could say she wants the same thing. Howard asked how her panties came off. Julie said he pulled them to the side. She said she whipped them off at some point. Julie was walking by a school telling this story and she said she'll walk really fast. Howard said that's not something you want them to hear.
Howard asked if she has a good body. Julie said she is 45 but she thinks she looks like she's in her 30s. She said she runs so she stays in shape.
Howard said this sounds hot but it sounds dangerous too. Robin said maybe she didn't want this and he was trying it anyway. Howard asked if she's fully shaved. Julie said she's waxed. Howard asked what size her bra is. She said she's 34-B. Howard said he's surprised he didn't give her a finger in the ass. She said that's not something you do right off the bat. Howard asked if she gets her ass hair waxed too. She said she has a triangle down there but everything else is waxed.
Howard said he used to play massage boy with Beth but she doesn't want that anymore. Howard asked if she tips this guy after. She said she did. She said she had a $10 bill so she did. Howard said you'd think he'd tip her. She said she thinks they both got tipped. Robin said he went home with a hard on though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said something like this happened to her. It was the guys in the back again doing a voice of a woman who said she had a doctor come to her house and did things to her for days. She said she'd fuck Howard and she looks like Ellen Degeneres meets Angelina Jolie.
Howard asked Julie if she ever did this before. She said she had 2 three ways in college. She said she's bisexual. She said she was married to a woman for a while. Howard asked what happened in college. Julie said she realized she liked girls and boys in the 90s and she waited for college. She said she fooled around with girls there in college. Robin asked why no one ever told her that's when you fool around with girls.
Howard said Julie is in college and she decides to experiment with girls. Howard asked who she messed around with. She said it was a 34 year old and she was 18 at the time. Robin said this is like one of Howard's movies. Howard said he's going to cum on the screen.
Howard asked Julie about going out with this older guy's ex-wife. She said she looked like Madonna. Howard asked if the guy asked her to hang out with her. Julie said he told her that she was in town and they ended up talking and going to her dorm room. She said she sent her roommate to her parents house for the weekend. Howard asked if the boyfriend was there too. She said that he was. She said it was the wife, the boyfriend and a younger man. She said they were going to tape it all for her older boyfriend. Howard said that's weird. Julie said that was fun.
Howard asked if the guy called his ex-wife to hook them up. Julie said she was coming into town and they were still friendly so they worked it out to happen. Howard said the boyfriend of the ex is taping. She said that guy wanted to get in on it but he wasn't her cup of tea.
Howard asked if they just whipped their clothes off and started doing it. Julie said they were trying clothes on and then they were drinking cocktails. She said they started making out. She said this went on for a while. She said that she went down on the other woman first. She said that the other woman had done it more often.
Howard said she seems to have had a lot of free time in college. She said she was majoring in advertising. Howard said she's a lot of fun. Howard said it's official. Howard said he wishes he could see her. She said she'll send a picture. Howard said he doesn't know where to send it. Howard asked for a bikini shot. He put her on hold so Gary could give her an email address to send it to.
Howard said he should use this time to lube up. Robin told him to spit in his hand. Howard said he would never do that. Robin said that's what Jon Bernthal said yesterday.
Howard said that he wants to see something current. Julie said she's going to send something new. She said she was going to put on a bikini. Gary said that she is going to take it right now. Howard said that's what he wants to see. Julie said she can do that in like 3 minutes. Howard said go get in her bikini and he'll put her on hold. Howard asked for a t-shirt and underwear shot and then the bikini shot. Howard said he'll pick her up in like 3 minutes.
Howard said George Takei is at the door. Howard had him come in. They had Sour Shoes there and he was doing his George Takei impression. George said that her voice sounded so familiar. He said he thinks it was some time ago when he was passing through the Rambles. He said she was very big and pendulous. He said he took her from behind like a St. Bernard. Howard said he's into guys though. George said she was so strong and demonstrative. Howard said he has to get back to her. He let Sour George go after that.
Howard said George is knocking again. George was just laughing. Howard told him to get out of there. Howard said he can go back out there and sit next to Benjy.
Howard picked up on Julie again to see if she was still there. Julie wasn't there. Howard said he's pressing on her button. Gary said she's still taking pictures. He said he'll send him a note when she's done.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he gets a rub and tug at least once a week. He said that it's absurd that she gave the guy 10 bucks. Howard said it's different because he's a dude. Howard said the rules don't apply. He said the guy wanted to do it. Robin said the girl doesn't want to do it with the guy. Howard said that it's so different. Howard said he's a dude with a cock. Howard said no one wants to touch his dick.
Howard had Sour George back in. George said he wanted to finish his story. He said that he met Lola and he thought she was a strapping young wang. He said he thought she was a boy. He said Brad told him to come clean. Howard said Julie is back so he has to go.
Howard got Julie back on the phone and asked if she took her pictures. She said she did and sent them to Gary. She asked him not to take the laser pointer to it. She said you can see her body in the picture but not her face. She said she was moving so fast she wasn't able to take two.
Howard asked Julie about the college experience again. Howard asked about making out and then getting into it with the other woman. Julie said the guy was video taping it and he had socks on and he took that and started grazing her ass with his foot. She had to tell him to stop. Robin asked what is wrong with men.
Howard checked out her picture and said she does look good. She said she is 45. Howard said Beth is like that old too. Howard said she looks good. Howard said she has a nice body. Howard said he can't see her mug though.
Howard said he wants to get back to the action. Howard said that goes on and does she watch it after. She said they did. She said that her boyfriend was very pleased. She said they were just laughing at it. She said the other woman took the lead. She said that it was her first time.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why she doesn't have a picture of her face. Howard said maybe she doesn't want her face being shown. The caller asked if they can put it on the web site. Julie was fine with that because it doesn't show her face.
Howard asked how the advertising career is going. Julie said it's fine. She said she's working from home as a freelance. She said that she does copy writing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she loves this story but she wants to call BS on the masseuse story. She said that she didn't give him a hand job or bang him with a condom on but she let his finger in her. She asked how many times he did that to other women that day. Howard said she's kind of ruining the story. The caller said she could have banged him and just gone on. Howard said banging is another level for a woman. The caller said she's a woman. Howard said he's not sure what her story is. The caller, Sam, said she's a regular caller and she has told stories before. She said that the guy is going to expect her to bang next time. Julie said that's why she hasn't called.
Howard said he thinks it's over. He said she can't call this guy back. Robin said that you're getting into dicey territory. Howard said you never hear people smoking less cigarettes. He said it's going to end up being more.
Howard said maybe she can date the guy. Julie said he's married so she doesn't think that's going to happen. Howard said he has Michael Caine on the phone. Fake Michael Caine was asking where all of the cocks are. He said he was craving penis by the end of Cocktober. He said cock's rule and pussy stinks.
Howard thanked Julie for the call. Howard said he thinks that Eugene from Kentucky likes this. Howard took the call from Eugene and he said he has some boys down there who can stand guard for her. Howard said in Kentucky they must have wild sex stories. Eugene said it's one of those things that they do behind closed doors. He said they can get freaky. Howard asked if he has ever had anything wild. Eugene said not like this girl Julie. He said he has never had a masseuse come over and do anything like that. Howard asked if he has ever had a threesome. Eugene said he never has. He said it's hard enough to find one woman to like him. He said he's thankful to have just one.
Howard said this must have given Eugene a boner this morning. Eugene said it did get him going. Howard let him go a short time later.
Sour Shoes was banging on the door and he came in doing his Gary impression. He brought over the bikini picture and said this is probably the best bikini picture since Jessica Hahn. Sour did his Gary impression for a short time. Howard asked Gary what his story is. Sour Gary told a long story about Jessica Hahn. Sour was going on and on with Gary stories about Sam Kinison and Jessica Hahn. Howard said he's a boner killer.
Sour Gary was telling Howard that he would do a ''real quick'' story and he would just ramble like Gary. Howard said he's going to ask him to leave now. He had a ''real quick'' Fred story to tell though. Howard said he really has to get back to Julie.
Howard said that's amazing. Howard asked Julie about her next threesome and if that was in college too. Julie said that she had the one shot deal with the Madonna looking woman. Howard asked if she still has the video. She said it got lost but she would love to see it. She said it was way back in 1991. Howard asked when her next threesome was. She said it was maybe 5 years later. She said it was with a roommate. She said it ended badly with hurt feelings. Howard asked what happened. Julie said the other woman was very good looking. She said that she looked a lot like Nicole Kidman. Howard said Julie looks like Gwyneth Paltrow and the other woman looks like Nicole. Julie said she did.
Julie said the other girl wasn't as into it as she was when her boyfriend asked her to get into the threesome. Howard said Fred is working on blowing his third load of the morning. Howard asked if they started making out when they got going. Julie said that the boyfriend of the other girl told them to hug and take clothes off. She said they did that and then she saw the other girl wasn't pleased. She said she wasn't happy that her boyfriend was into it. Julie said they were all nude. She said she hopes she's not listening this morning.
Howard said they don't know who she is anyway. Howard asked how far it got. Julie said they did some fingering but that was about it. She said she liked that but she saw her face and she didn't like the boyfriend touching her. She said that he looked like an Adonis and she had no problem with it herself.
Sour Shoes as Gary came knocking again. He came in and asked Julie what she does for a living. Gary said he must have been sleeping. She had already talked about that. Howard wrapped up with Julie but she wanted to stay on and play a game. Howard said they played the game ''How many times can Fred cum.'' Howard said that second story was kind of a let down. Howard said he doesn't have a game to play anyway. Howard said they can send her a Flat Ronnie if she wants. Julie was fine with that.
Howard let Julie go and took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was screeching. Howard said he took that to kill Fred's boner. Howard asked if Mariann has any sexy stories. She said she doesn't at all. She said she's so ashamed of herself she wouldn't want anyone touching her. She said she doesn't like that. Howard asked what he can do for her. Howard said it would be great if she had a sex story like that. Mariann said Howard has 346 days left on his contract. She said she'll be like 64 when he retires. She said Ozzy is still going and she thinks that Howard should keep going. Howard hung up on her. He said he has a Richard's baby update but he'll get to that after a break. Howard said it would be funny if they took the baby away from him. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said he wants to announce something right now. He said he has to get to Richard's baby too. Howard said there is a problem there on the show. He said they have so many things in the computer that he wants to play. He said he can't get to them all. Howard said next week they're going to do a show where they go through it all. Howard said they're going to try to clean it all up. Howard said they had to add a show on Thursday. Howard said they don't have to do this but next Thursday they're going to do an extra show. He said it's called the Clean UP Show. Howard said he will clean up the computer and also debut some of Robin's music. Howard said he's going to interview Robin on the couch as an artist. Howard said he will talk to her about her new tunes. Robin said she may go back into the studio to re-record those songs. Howard said save all of that for Thursday.
Howard said this is next week, not tomorrow. Howard said that will be the Clean Up Show. Howard played a promo for the special. They said he will never do that again.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was freaking out over the extra show. Howard said that's his gift to her. Mariann was just screaming. Howard said they will play all of that stuff they didn't have time for. Howard said Christmas comes early. Mariann asked if she can call in that day. Howard said no. He said that's the other bonus. Fred played her off but Mariann was still screaming. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said he's going to interview Robin next Thursday. He said she'll be putting out a new collection of music. Robin said she was thinking of doing the new Cardi B song. Fred played some clips of Robin singing. Howard said if she does the Cardi B song will she use the N-word. Robin said she likes to keep it authentic. Howard said she may have trouble with the black affect. Robin said she won't do it. She said she'll make it her own.
Howard said they're looking forward to that. Howard said they will hear all of that on Thursday next week.
Howard played a clip of this guy Jim holding a note for 30 seconds. Howard said he has played this for Robin before. Howard said the funny thing is that Richard found the video and this guy has a big bulge in his pants. Robin said with that voice you better have a bulge. Howard said he tried doing the scream on the show years ago. He played a clip of that too. He said Robin tried it too so this is a clip of Robin. He played Robin holding a note for a long time. Howard said what a tone. Fred played the Tarzan yell over her.
Howard said Jim's video was called Vocal Power. Howard played a clip of Jim doing the intro for the video. He played a clip of Jim doing a lip vibration thing from the video too. He was teaching people how to warm up with that lip vibrating thing. Robin tried it but her tongue was making the noise, not her lips.
Howard said they took those clips and called Swap Shop. Howard said they had clips of him, Richard Simmons and Robin doing vocal exercises. Howard played the clip and Richard called in saying he had to do a warm up on his voice. He played a clip of Howard doing that and then called back with Richard Simmons and Robin Quivers audio warm ups. They kept hanging up on him. Richard would call back with more and more clips.
Howard said they always end the show after that. Robin said it's like going back in time. Howard said he's sure they have no problem getting through to that show. He said you can call at any time. Howard said it boggles the mind that they can still exist. Robin said they have awakened in a previous era. Howard said it's like a Hillbilly Craigslist.
Howard said he was reading about weight Watchers since Oprah took over. Howard said it was like 39 cents a share when she got into it and now it's crazy. Howard asked if anyone else read that. He said it's crazy. Robin said now she's making food. Howard said he saw that. Howard asked why people who are fat are making food. Howard said he's thin and he should be telling people how to lose weight.
Gary said her total haul is 300 million. He said it's up 350 percent since she bought it. Hoards said she clearly struggles with her weight. Howard said you never see skinny people telling people how to lose weight. Robin said this is what she's talking about. She said that nothing makes sense. Gary said the stock was below $7 when she bought it and now it's over $30. Howard said Oprah giving him weight loss advice doesn't make sense. He said she has failed. Howard said turn to him for weight loss advice. Howard said he should buy Nutrisystem and see if people will listen to him. He said there's some weird thing where fat people get advice from other fat people.
Howard said if he wanted to learn how to lose weight he'd learn from Beth. Howard said here's some advice. Throw out half the spaghetti you get when you order food. Howard said it's all about calorie reduction. He said he gets out of his car and walks 5,000 steps too. Howard said oh, that's Robin.
Howard said he was obsessing about Robin yesterday. He said she gets out of her car and walks. Howard said someone wrote in about her going over the top with anything she gets into. Robin said she does have to dodge cars in the rest stops she goes to.
Howard had Sour Shoes come in as Richard Simmons. Howard said he thought he was in hiding. Richard said he has to throw out all of his spaghetti. Howard thanked him and let him go.
Howard said anything Oprah touches turns to gold. Robin said she's not sure how she gets away with what she does. Howard said the one thing she fails at is losing weight and she's giving advice on it. Howard said that's like him giving advice on how to be a male gigolo or a male body builder. Howard said a veal has more muscle. He said he could write a book about how to play guitar like a rock star. Howard said that's what this is like.
Howard said that he never sees big returns on anything he has. He said the stock for Sirius never goes up. Howard said Oprah must sit home laughing at all of us. He said she's the smartest fucker on the planet. Howard said she's over weight and she buys a weight loss company. Howard said in the normal world people would say she's an idiot. Howard said she's a fucking genius. Howard said whatever she does he's going to invest in. Howard said she should write a book about being a white woman. Howard said that would be a best seller.
Howard said he'd turn to Oprah for anything. Robin said she holds those big conferences to tell people how to live. Howard said that's right. Robin said it's like everyone is going to become Oprah if they listen to her. Howard said he's never betting against her, ever.
Howard said his father taught him something when he was growing up in Roosevelt. Howard said it started out as a white community. Howard said that was just as fucked up. He said whites aren't so great. Howard said when black people get into power they fuck it up and then white people fuck it up too. Howard said he remembers his dad was fuming one night after a woman wrote a weight loss book. Howard said his dad was complaining that she was fat. Howard said if you want to lose weight you take a belt and wrap it around your mouth. Howard said he was an angry man. Howard said that woman was on to something. Howard said fat people don't want to hear from thin people. Robin said they don't think they know their plight. Howard said here's his book, don't eat bread.
Howard said the crazy story is about how he got the news. Howard said Richard picked one person to text everyone about the baby. Howard said he texted JD out of the whole group. Howard said JD is the most uncommunicative out of the whole group. Howard said Richard gave him all of the details. He said JD gets the text and does nothing. He said he went to bed. JD said he got it this morning. Howard said everyone asked why he didn't just email everyone. He said JD said he doesn't know what to do around there anymore. Gary said Jason was complaining that he had a conversation with JD for 15 minutes and he didn't mention the baby. Howard asked JD why he didn't tell anyone. JD said he told everyone during the meeting. He said he just waited until then. JD said he doesn't know why he didn't tell them earlier. He said they were talking politics. Robin said Richard's son is now in college and JD just told them about him being born.
Howard took a call from Jon Hein clips who he said is writing a weight loss book. The guys had Jon Hein reading a list of food he eats.
Howard took a call from a woman who said there are people out there who are not naturally skinny like Howard is. Howard stopped her and said he was not naturally skinny. Howard said he was very heavy at WNBC. He said he had to lose weight. Howard said he must know something if he's losing weight. The caller said that Oprah is relatable. Howard said he's succeeded and Oprah hasn't. Howard said he bets that Stacy looks like Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal. She said she isn't that overweight. She said she is a little by 30 pounds or so. She said that Oprah has yo-yo'd. Howard said that means she has failed. Howard said if she wanted advice on playing piano you'd go to someone who plays well. The caller agreed. Robin said this is like taking advice on quitting smoking from a smoker who has tried to quit but failed.
The caller said Howard should write a book then. Howard said he just doesn't understand how Oprah is giving advice when she's not an expert. Robin said the woman who started Weight Watchers was a woman who lost weight. Robin said that Oprah is using it and she's not thin. Howard said she has lost weight though. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said he thought it was a mentoring thing. He said if it's sexual maybe it's a way for Caitlyn to be with a woman but it's a guy who cut his cock off. Howard said he thinks she can't commit to going out with a dude. Howard said he thinks it's all part of the getting comfortable with being a woman thing. Howard thanked the caller for his call.
The caller asked if they're going to put up anything with the new studio online. Howard said they should be broadcasting soon with the TV part of the show and they'll put them up then. Howard said that they want to save that for the fresh beginning. Howard said he's not sure when the video thing will happen. He said flying cars may happen first.
Howard said High Pitch Erik can have video but they can't for some reason. He said that it will be fun when it does happen. Howard said they want everything to be just right.
Howard said that Robin was asking what it would be like if David Letterman called a religious show. Howard said he has that ready now. Howard said this is fake Dave Letterman calling a religious show. In the clip Dave calls into a show and tells the host she reminds him of his mother. He said he misses her so much. He asked her to say ''Hi Dave, it's Mom.'' He asked her to say she loves him and then told her to keep talking. Dave was having her saying weird stuff about how she had to punish him before daddy gets home. Dave asked her to tell him to show his pathetic weiner and stuff like that. The host of the show hung up on him. She said she doesn't think that's David Letterman.
Howard said he was talking about Jim Bakker and Pat Robertson and their kooky thoughts. Howard said someone found a tape of some broadcaster named William Tapley doing a show and he uses the Wendy Williams collapsing as a message from God. He said she was celebrating Halloween so God took her down. Howard said God picks weird times to do stuff like that.
Howard played the clip of this guy William Tapley talking about Wendy Williams and how it looks like she's seeing some kind of evil vision when she passes out. He said her eyes open up wide and she staggers back and faints. This guy claims it happened because she was celebrating a demonic holiday. Howard said he hates Halloween as much as the next guy but he's not going for that.
Howard played more of this guy's crazy thoughts on the Wendy Williams fainting thing. He said that she was in a Statue of Liberty costume and she may have been showing the fall of America. Howard said God should have done it on a show with more ratings. He said only Wendy was wearing that costume though. Robin said God is all powerful and he can do whatever he wants to do. He didn't have to find someone in a Statue of Liberty costume.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Fred is the linchpin of the show. Howard said he is not. Howard said he is. Robin said Howard is the star. Howard said Fred can be the linchpin then.
The caller said that Fred does a better Ronnie than Ronnie. Howard told Fred to play this guy off. Howard said no one ever praises Gary and he thinks that's the right thing. Howard asked what Gary is. The caller said he's the producer. He said he still thinks Fred is the linchpin. Howard said he's heard that already. They played the guy off.
Howard said he always thinks Gary is the monkey wrench of the show. Howard said he just wanted to work the word monkey into that. Howard said just don't forget that he's the star of the show.
Howard said the phone works very well. He said it only failed once to open. He said he likes that. He said that he doesn't have to type in his code. He also likes the gestures. He said he's enjoying that and the idea of a better camera. Howard said he has to start using it more. He said he thinks stupidly. He said his mom has a picture she wants to show his daughter. Howard said he told her to show it to Ashley when she comes over. Ashley told him he should have just taken a picture and sent it to her. Howard said he never thinks about that.
Howard said his mother told him about his sister taking her ''machine'' and showing her friend a picture on it. Howard said she did that on Facebook. Howard said that's so nothing. Howard said that he told her to let him get her a computer but she doesn't want that. Howard said she isn't good with machines. Howard said if he had taken a picture and sent it to Ashley and told her she saw it and loved it, she'd wonder how. Howard did an impression of his mother talking to him about not knowing how that works. Howard said it's like that movie ''The Gods Must Be Crazy'' where he's like Superman showing her this stuff. Howard said he's like Jesus when he shows her this stuff. He said she has no idea that this is simple stuff. He had his dad saying that they should burn him because he's a witch.
Howard said a lot of people his parent's age have computers. Howard said they want to live in the dark ages. Howard said they wonder what this is. Howard said they don't know what's real anymore. Howard said he takes a picture on his phone and they can't believe it.
Howard said that his daughter was with him and told him to take the picture. He said his parents are blown away by anything his sister does. Howard said she just tells them about it. Howard had his mom talking about seeing these pictures on the ''machine'' and she doesn't get how it works. Howard said she could be doing this too. Howard said she has no desire to do that. Howard said it's like the dark ages with them. He said they don't even have a cell phone. Howard said he has to leave them messages on their voicemail. Howard said they do have an answering machine.
Howard said his parents can't quite grasp how messages work. Howard had his parents trying to figure out the machine. Howard said they can't hear either. Robin asked if his dad wants it. Howard said he thinks his dad would like it because he can get porn. He said he would give him video from time to time. Howard said he would be on YouPorn all day. He said it's crazy. Howard said he went over to see them the other night and he rang the bell over and over for 10 minutes and no one came to the door. Howard said his dad has the TV turned up so loud that they can't hear the bell.
Howard said he had to start pounding on the door to get them to come. He said he was out there ringing for 10 minutes. Howard said his mom was in the bathroom washing up for bed at 6 at night. Howard said they were ready for bed by 6. Howard said he was kind of jealous actually. He said he was afraid that he woke them up.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that his mom should not have that tech. He said that he got his mom an iPad and it's doing things that it shouldn't. He said even the email goes wrong for old people. Howard hung up on Ralph.
Howard said Ralph is an expert on the iPad and iPhone. He said he showed him his calendar and all of that. Howard said it's all bullshit. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Howard said certain news stories are overlooked these days because there's so much going on. Howard said there are mass shootings and investigations going on with the FBI and all of that. Howard said this story is something he's obsessed with. Howard said senator Rand Paul was at his house mowing his lawn and he got attacked. Robin said she told that story. Howard said he knows that. Howard said in any other universe this would be a big story. Howard said he's a senator and he has his earphones in while mowing and this neighbor allegedly tackles him from behind. He breaks 4 of his ribs and he has injures. Howard said the charges seem to be something like 4th degree assault. Howard said that sounds like 1st degree. Howard said now they're saying it wasn't about politics. Howard said the guy didn't like the lawn care the guy was doing. Howard said it's an argument about landscaping. Howard said this guy has been his neighbor for 17 years.
Howard said this should have been a huge story but we live in such crazy times it's like a non-sequitur. Howard said that used to be a big deal. Howard said the neighbor is a retired anesthesiologist. Howard said he lived right next door to Paul. Howard said they're very educated guys. Howard said if you attack a senator you must go right to jail. Howard said the guy has 5 broken rips and a bruised lung. Robin said that's not just a push over. Howard said it was a major beat down.
Howard read about this guy who attacked Rand Paul and how he was charged with 4th degree assault. Howard said that doesn't seem all that serious. Howard said it's a wacky story. He said it was over lawn care. He said it's a misdemeanor charge too. Howard said this is just crazy. He doesn't understand it.
Robin asked what 1st degree is. Gary said that Brent is telling him something. Howard told Brent to just come in. Brent came in and said this should be a federal offense. He said it's up to the prosecutor about what to charge the guy with. Brent said he could have been killed. Howard said the attacker's lawyer says he hopes he can go back to being his neighbor. Brent said he wouldn't want that guy as his neighbor. He said it sounds odd to him. He said he's not sure why this isn't a bigger deal. He said that it should be. Howard said he thought senators had around the clock protection. Brent said he's sure Mitch McConnell does because he has the money.
Howard said he can't believe that Rand was mowing his own lawn. Howard said that's wild. Brent said it's odd that they're not charging the guy with assault and battery. Howard said it should be a bigger story too. Howard said 20 years ago it would have been huge. Brent said that the charge is baffling to him. He said it should be in the 1st degree. Howard said he's a senator too. He said that it should be a bigger thing.
Brent said he thinks it might have something to do with more than lawn waste. He said it must be a long term feud or something. He said the charge should have to do with the crime. Brent said he met Rand Paul and his wife up there once. He said his wife is really nice. Howard said he's not sure where he stands. Brent said that he really likes Ron Paul. He said Rand is just being what everyone wants instead of what he wants. Brent said that he tried to out Trump, Trump.
Gary said that Rand and this other guy used to work together as doctors. Howard said the neighbor is a democrat too. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. Robin said they must be doing some investigating down there in Kentucky. Howard said Brent should go down and do a citizen's arrest.
Brent said that Rand Paul is supporting a guy who said that the 1st amendment only applies to Christians. Howard said that's nuts. Brent said that's the guy who held a gun on stage while making a speech about the second amendment.
Robin said we are getting in trouble with the people who are running for office. Brent said that this guy that Paul was backing was removed from office twice. Howard did an impression of the guy with his southern accent. Howard let Brent go a short time later.
Gary came in and said he was looking into the story and they live in a gated community. He said the developer was talking about how he thought he was building something where everyone would get along. Howard said that's what Suburbicon was about. Gary said the guy who built it said it may have been from Paul blowing lawn trimmings into the neighbor's lawn. He said the guy said that Rand Paul is a pain in the ass neighbor. Howard said that the guy says that the other neighbor is well liked but not Rand Paul.
Howard thanked Gary for that update. Howard played him out with a song parody that Gary sang about himself. Howard said he hears Gary clearing that throat out in the hall all the time. He said he says it's from eating cheese.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is being political but not appreciating it. He said that he was talking about Trump's people being under investigation. He said that this is a purely political story. He said the media coverage of this is very off. Howard said he's never seen anything like this. The caller said it's weird that they are going with the least charge they can.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks Rand Paul might be fucking someone's wife or daughter. Howard asked if she's ever been fingered by her masseuse. The caller just laughed. Robin said people just make stuff up about these stories. She said they don't get facts for figures. Robin said it just pops into their head. Fred played Robin's news music and wind chimes over her.
Howard asked how her wind chimes are. Robin said it was windy recently and they were very loud. Howard said she has to get him some tape. Howard said he got her some that are the size of her house. Howard said they're a center piece there. Robin said people come over asking where they are. Howard said he had to get her something big for her birthday. Howard said he got these wind chimes that are huge.
Howard took a call from a person who said their name was Jennifer. Howard asked what he wanted because he sounded like a dude. The caller said he wanted to call about his parents. He said he should get them an iPhone. He said don't let them tell him no. Howard hung up on the caller. Howard asked if that was really a girl. Howard said he knows a woman who has a voice like that and he was thinking that it's bothering him. He said he doesn't have to deal with that anymore because he has a wife. He said it was kind of shocking. Robin said there was an actress named Telula Bankhead who had a man's voice. Howard said she's there now. Fred did his Trans voice going up and down.
Howard took a call from Robin's neighbor. The guys in the back were paying wind chime sounds and saying they were going crazy and shooting guns.
Howard said Lenny is living in the guest house of a fan of his in Beverly Hills. Howard said he's got a Kato Kaelin thing going on. Howard said he lives in a huge mansion out there. Howard said there's a garage full of cars and he tells girls that it's his house.
Howard asked Memet to come in. Memet came in and Robin asked who that is. Howard said it's Memet. Howard asked why. Robin said he has facial hair and his hair is short now. Howard said he looks good. Memet thanked him for that. Memet said this was the most uncomfortable he's ever been on assignment. Howard asked if he has a cold. Memet said no. He said he has a runny nose though. Howard said he's getting sick. Memet said he wouldn't be there if he was sick. Howard said he's going to swab him.
Memet said he's not sure that the girls out there knew what kind of guy they were with. He said he didn't know what to do. He wasn't sure if he should tell them or not. He said he just laughed and went along with it though. Howard said Billy Bush did that too. He said that Trump was going berserk and he just went along with it. Memet said he's just there to observe and not give his opinion. Howard asked if we feel bad for Billy Bush. Robin said we do.
Howard said if Billy had a real talent he'd be working now. He said Mel Gibson can direct movies and he fucks up. He said he still gets to do movies.
Howard had Memet's cold on the phone. The Cold said he's coming for Howard. Howard asked him to stay in Memet's nose. Memet said he doesn't have a cold. Howard said Sal and Richard said he has a runny nose all the time and he leaves his tissues around. Memet said he gets nervous and his nose runs.
Howard said Lenny's life revolves around pussy. Memet said it's 24/7 too. He said Lenny is 54 but he looks older. He said he's young at heart though. Howard said when he's not eating pussy he's working on getting it. Howard said he has tape of him eating pussy in the audio too. Howard said he's going to save that for the end.
Howard said this is just one day in Lenny's life. Howard said each day is similar though. Howard said he's going to play some clips and Memet can comment. Howard said the day starts bright and early. He said they met in front of the mansion. Memet said it was huge too. He said it was probably the nicest place he's ever been. Howard said Memet pulled up and Lenny starts talking pussy immediately. In the clip Lenny was talking about the neighbor's daughter who is hot. He said she's hot like some type of middle Eastern. He said the dad came out and asked why he was staring. He said he was looking at all of his trees and said that's what he was staring at. Memet said that was the first time he had seen him in months and that's what he started talking about.
Howard said in the next clip Lenny told Memet about how he greets women when they get there. Memet said he got out of the car and then Lenny wants to demonstrate how he greets girls and brings them into the house. In the clip Lenny is telling Memet about how he greets the girls telling them they are in the safest place they could be in. Howard laughed when he heard that. Howard said this is like the Munsters and he's telling them they're in the safest place they could ever be. Memet said he's never had a girl ask him if she's safe.
Howard said Memet talks to Lenny about his dick pills. He said sometimes he has to lay outside to get his boner to go down. Howard played a clip of Lenny talking about the dick pills and how they work better than Viagra. Memet said he had a closet full of them. Memet said there were duffel bags full of pills. Howard asked what they were. Memet said they weren't prescription. He said they sell over the counter stuff and he swears by them. Memet said he told him they work too well. Howard played another clip of Lenny talking about how he had to pull out and go out and breathe outside laying on the ground. Lenny said you can die fucking.
Memet said the neighbors can see him out there naked. Howard said he should dump Gatorade on his cock. Howard asked what the hell he's doing. Memet said he doesn't know. Howard said he's crazy like Ronnie. Memet said Lenny doesn't have an off switch. He just keeps going.
Howard said they asked Lenny how many women he's been with. He played a clip and Lenny said at least 5 a week. Lenny did the math and figured it was maybe 2,500... or 10,000.
Memet said he saw him talking to girls on the trip so he has something going on. He said he's getting ahead of himself now. Howard said Memet is into pussy too and chasing it. Memet said he admires his ballsyness. He said that he was thinking the girls would be creeped out by him. He said some were but there were a lot who weren't.
Howard said Lenny carries around 3 cell phones with him at all times. Memet said that two are for pussy and one isn't. He said that they were ringing all day long. He said he couldn't have set this up. Howard played a clip of Lenny talking and saying that he can't stop the phones. They were ringing as he was talking to Memet. Lenny said one is business. One is pussy and one is for late night locks who are women who are down for it any time. He said it's all pussy.
Howard said next they found out that Lenny gives fake names to girls. In a clip Lenny said he uses James Parker a lot. Robin asked why the women think a multimillionaire would be toothless. Memet said that's a good question. Howard said imagine any woman not being completely afraid of him.
Howard said for years he used the name Bruce Wayne. He said women didn't know who he was. Howard said Lenny has no teeth at all. He had a tooth pulled recently and he had stitches in his mouth. Howard said at one point Lenny got on the phone and made a call. Memet said he gets really angry sometimes. Howard played the clip and Lenny was calling a dentist in South Dakota because he doesn't go to one there because it's too expensive. Memet said it was crazy being around him. He said this was after just a half hour of hanging out with him.
Howard played more audio of Lenny talking to the voicemail of this doctor and asking if he can pull those stitches out himself. He said he wants to do that himself. Then he says ''Keep it stiff'' when he hangs up. Howard said that's his catch phrase.
Howard said after that Lenny starts giving a tour of his neighborhood. He said Lenny is convinced that one of the houses is a secret government facility. He said Lenny just ran off at one point because he thought something was happening. Howard played the clip and Lenny was giving him some info about the house and he knocks on the door and says his friend looked it up and it's government owned. He said they do cloning or something. Memet said he didn't know what to do when he sprinted off. He said he thinks Lenny was worried about himself and left them behind. He said he was there with Derek shooting this thing.
Howard said then Lenny decides to meet his friend ''Shoe Polish'' for lunch. Howard said they meet every day. Memet said they have a date every day to talk about pussy. Memet said the guy is like Lenny's age. Howard said he calls him that because the guy dyes his hair. Howard said Lenny has found a guy who is into pussy as much as he is. Memet said he thinks he's teaching him the ways of pussy like a mentor. Howard played audio of Shoe Polish talking about pussy and how they tag team each other. Shoe Polish said he got 4 numbers the other day. He said the women there are all 10s. He told Memet that Lenny gets pussy by not using his name.
Howard asked if Memet would like to study with him. Memet said he's horrible at approaching girls on the street. He said Lenny has no fear. He said he'll just go right to women and talk to them.
Howard played another clip of Shoe Polish talking about meeting women. Memet said that they were on Rodeo drive talking about all of this. He said he didn't want anyone thinking that's the way he thinks or talks.
Howard said they didn't get off the subject of pussy at all. Howard said this is a clip of Lenny going to talk to a woman. Howard played the clip and Lenny was talking about the bible and then he sees a girl. Lenny gets a weird voice like Ronnie. Memet said he becomes an animal. He said he gets real low. Howard played more audio and Lenny goes up to the woman and tries to get her to talk to him. Lenny said that those women hate Americans.
Howard played another clip of Lenny trying to pick up another woman. Lenny was talking to this woman but she said she had to go to work. Shoe Polish and Lenny were telling her how gorgeous she was. Memet said they stuck out that time. He said it works out for them in some way. Memet said he thinks Shoe Polish made some money with an app or something.
Howard said Lenny did get some hot girls to talk to him. Memet said they were L.A. 9s. Howard said in New York they're a 15. Howard said this is a girl who agreed to come meet him later that night. Howard played the clip and Lenny was talking to the girl about how pretty she is and saying they're going to have a dinner and $2,000 bottles of wine. Memet said that he throws these fancy dinners and the girls show up. Howard said that's unbelievable to him. Memet said this girl was a cute blonde girl and she just agreed to show up. Howard said he liked that she asked if she had to bring the wine and Lenny gets that deep voice and says she gets to have it.
Memet said that was just one of the girls. Robin said this isn't a good advertisement for women. Memet said girls out there in L.A. will give you more time to make your case if they think you have money. Robin asked if Lenny has any money.
Howard said Lenny and 4 women went to dinner that night. Howard said they went to a nice place too. Howard played a clip of Lenny talking about his penis and cracking girls up with his jokes. The girls were all cracking up at his jokes.
Howard said this goes on for hours so they cut it down into a montage. Howard said he's talking about a lot of vaginal stuff in this. Howard played the clip and Lenny was talking about squirting, doing blow, having girls spit on his dick and more. Howard said these are really good looking women at the table. Memet said he wasn't sure if he should warn the girls about the guy. He said he wasn't sure. Memet said the girls didn't show any interest in him either.
Howard asked who pays for the dinner. Memet said that Lenny did. He said he must save on rent since he lives with this guy in his mansion.
Howard said now they're at dinner and Lenny plays clips of Denis Leary talking about him on this show to impress them. Howard said that he's working the girls. Howard played a clip and Lenny was talking about Denis Leary coming in and talking about him the day after he was on the show. He had Howard talking about how amazing that interview was. Lenny said only the most powerful man in media said that about him.
Howard said that's something. Robin said he didn't play the interview, he played a review of the interview. Memet said he was hoping the girls would give a sign that they wanted to get out of there but they never did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to give Lenny and Shoe Polish a show. He said just once a week would be great. He said they could call it Baseball and Bitches. Howard said Lenny doesn't even want to talk about baseball.
Howard said one of the girls was in her 50s and the others were in their 20s. Memet said she was one of his late night locks. Howard said this lady raves about Lenny. Howard played a clip and the woman was talking about how fascinating Lenny is to her even though she can't understand some of the things he says. Howard said Lenny is in the background just growling. The woman was talking about how Lenny is very good with his oral skills. She was talking about her clit and how good Lenny is around it. She said that he has an artist's sense of that.
Howard said he loves that Lenny is back there growling through the whole thing. Howard said she's singing his praises and Lenny is back there calling her a fossil.
Howard said this is one of the younger girls who raved about Lenny too. She was talking about how she has been with Lenny and he's willing to take his time and it's not like the dick is the end game. She said that Lenny will suck up the juice and taste it. She said the focus is on her pleasure and he gets his pleasure from her pleasure. Memet said that their whole relationship is that he gives her oral sex. He said too many guys just want to bang and she wants oral.
Howard said Lenny has his own cult. He said it's like Lenny's Angels. Howard said he should play this one last clip. He said Lenny took the younger girl home and he taped himself giving oral. Howard said this is Lenny doing his thing. Howard played the clip and Lenny was moaning along with the girl. He had Elton John music playing while he was doing this. The girl sounded like she was enjoying it. She said she was cumming and Lenny was going ''Oh yeah...'' Memet said she sounds like she's having a good time.
Memet said he saw him approach so many girls and he saw his phone go off so many times. He said he doesn't think he was faking it. He said he never gives them money. He said it's the promise of money that gets them. He said once you give them money they won't do anything with you.
Howard said Memet learned that Hollywood is a way darker place than he thought it was. Robin asked if he ever met the guy who owns the mansion. Memet said he may not have been there.
Gary had a picture of the girls they were just listening to. Howard said the old fossil is a good looking woman. He said they're all good looking.
Howard had a dueling banjos bit with Lenny and Ronnie in it. He played that and said that's every woman's worst nightmare.
Howard said that Lenny doesn't have a key to get into the house so he has to jump the fence. Robin said they never saw the guy so maybe Lenny isn't supposed to be there. Howard said maybe the guy has no idea Lenny lives there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how this deranged old guy is living this lifestyle. He said the world is off its rocker. He said that they should have talked to these women. He said they have a crop of Wack Packers out there. Howard said they'll figure that all out. He did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Robin got into her news and brought up Oprah since they were talking about her earlier in the morning. Robin said there have been studies done that show weight loss may not last and people gain more weight when the gain it back. Robin said they concluded that people are better off not going on a diet.
Robin said she was watching The Megyn Kelly Show the other day and this woman was on who looked familiar. Robin said it was Catherine Oxenberg who was on talking about a new cult out there that's only women. Robin said Catherine's daughter is in it and she's trying to spread the word about it. Robin said you end up getting cut off from your family when you're in the cult. Robin had some audio of Catherine talking about the cult. She talked about how her daughter was branded by this guy who runs the cult. The leader of this group claims he's not a cult leader. Howard asked what happened to her acting career. Robin said she hasn't been acting lately. Robin said that this cult guy never got a hold of Robin.
Robin read a story about an article about Hugh Hefner's final days. Robin said he was 90 and they say that his weight was also 90. Howard said that's what he wants to weigh. He said he wants to weigh his age. Howard said maybe Oprah can help with that. Robin said they say that Hef had to be lifted in and out of a wheelchair. Howard said getting old is a bitch. Robin said it wasn't very pretty at the end. Robin said there may not have been a lot of girls around at the end. Howard said they asked a guy on the street about Hef dying. Howard played a clip and the guy had a funny voice and he was talking about how much he liked Hef's wife. The guy also said Robin Quivers has great tits and he'd suck the milk out of her and her period too. Howard said guys are gross. Then the guy started singing to Robin and how he'd suck her asshole.
Robin read a story about Twitter and how they've moved to 280 characters for every user. Robin said now President Trump can get more elaborate with his Tweets. Howard said Ronnie can't express himself properly with just 140. Howard said he liked 140. He said he doesn't know anyone who has profound thoughts that need more than that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about an opera and how a woman who hit a high A above a high C. Robin said that this isn't hit often by opera singers. Howard said Robin hit a high A. He played a clip of Robin singing. Robin said this doesn't happen often at the Met. Howard said he'd rather be tortured than go see that.
Robin read a story about Sia and how she found out people were shopping some nudes of her so she put them out herself before they could make money off of them. Howard said that poor woman doesn't want people to see her face so she wears a wig over her face. Robin said these are of her body. Howard said he might have to check them out.
Robin said Google is putting out a self driving car without a person behind the wheel. Robin said that they've been testing these cars since mid-October. Robin said they're in Chandler, Arizona right now. Robin said that they're completely driverless. Robin said that the company is owned by Google but it's called Waymo.
Howard said High Pitch Erik is going in for his surgery on Friday. He had Erik on the phone. He asked if he's nervous. Erik said he is. He said he just started his liquid diet. He said he got a call from Domino's last night at midnight. He said his fucking lawyer ordered pizza for him. He said he told them to take it back. Howard said Erik was up there the other day and had a cup of coffee with 6 packs of sugar in it. Howard asked how long it'll be before he's skinny. Erik said a month or two.
Erik said he wants to say a few words. He said Howard means a lot to him. He said he wanted to say thank you very much. Howard said it's like he's saying goodbye. Erik said it is. He said he loves Robin too. Erik said he loves Nikki too. Howard said he has to wrap up the show because he has a meeting to get to. Erik kept talking so Fred played him off.
Howard said they had Erik record some messages just in case something happens. Shuli came in and said that he was supposed to start the liquid diet on Monday. Howard said he had six sugars in his coffee. Shuli said he had 3 donuts back there that day too. Howard asked if he's covering the event. Shuli said he is and Gonzo Shitcock and Jolie will be helping Erik out too.
Robin said it's a year since Donald Trump was elected president. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how much he loves this country. Robin said it's been a bumpy road for Trump in the first 10 months.
Robin read a story about the election that happened yesterday and how Bill de Blasio will be mayor of New York City once again. Robin had some details about other elections around the country. She had some audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Rand Paul and how he's expected to go back to work next week. Robin said that the neighbor is charged with 4th degree assault.
Robin said astronaut Dick Gordon is dead. Robin said he died at his home in California at the age of 88. Fred played Taps for him. Robin said Dick went to the moon but didn't get to set foot on it.
Robin read a story about Ric Flair saying that he has slept with over 10,000 women. Howard said it never works out to talk about that. Robin said Ric talked about that in a documentary. Howard said he was never a big wrestling guy. Howard said that number is just about impossible if you think about it. Robin said he claims to be a one woman man with his fiancee.
Robin read a story about Corey Feldman who has been doing his own investigation about a pedophelia ring in Hollywood. Robin said he was on Dr. Oz talking about all of this. Robin had some audio of Corey talking about that on Dr. Oz.
Robin read a story about Jesse Jackson being accused of sexual harassment. Robin said the story is on a blog and a woman claims that Jackson grabbed her leg at some event.
Robin read a story about an investigation into a claim that actor Ed Westwick allegedly raped a woman. Robin said friends of the woman are stepping forward to corroborate her claims.
Robin read a story about how they have credible evidence against Harvey Weinstein so they might be charging him with rape in New York. Robin said that's amazing.
Robin read a story about how blood transfusions may be used to turn back time for people at some point. Robin said they have found out that they might be able to reverse aging with the use of young people's blood. Robin said that some day we may not die of old age but from accidents.
Robin read a story about some UCLA basketball players who were detained for shoplifting in China. Robin said that you can't be doing that kind of thing in these foreign countries. Robin said they're being questioned about stealing from a store next to their hotel. Robin said the students won't be playing on Saturday.
Robin read a story about the President promoting his golf course during a speech. Robin had some audio of trump talking about that. Robin asked why that's important in South Korea. Robin said that was an odd thing to bring up.
Robin read a story about the Texas shooter who shot up the church over the weekend. Robin said he had planned on attacking some military officers and he had escaped from a mental hospital. Robin said there were many reasons for him not to have gotten his hands on a gun. Robin said they are now talking about fixing background check problems. Robin said that the pastor of the church can't understand why someone would do this to 26 people including his daughter.
Robin read a story about P. Diddy changing his name to Brother Love and how that was just a joke. Robin had some audio of one of his songs. Robin said he found out he can't play around on the internet. Robin said he's still P. Diddy but you don't have to call him Brother Love. Howard said he's never had an Alter-ego. Howard said now he has to change his Christmas list.
Robin said DMX is in the news. She had Howard play some of his songs. Robin said he's going to have his own TV show where he records his new album and tries to work out problems with his family. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Today's replay show was over around 11:05am.
Today's show was over around 10:55am.