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Howard started today's show singing along with the The Great American Nightmare and singing about the show he was about to do. Howard said he's not sure where to begin. He said there was a huge snow storm over the weekend and he was in it. He said he had something going on Saturday night that he didn't make it to. He said he and Beth were out on Long Island and they got out of there to come back to the city. He said they were in the car for 5 hours trying to get back to the city. Robin asked if it was that important. Howard said they switched to a sleigh about 2 hours in. He said the fear was that if he waited until Sunday to come back it would be too much of a mess. Robin said they just came back in not to get stopped by the snow today. Howard said yes and they had this intention of going to an event and they didn't get there. Howard said he's glad he didn't get there. He said he had to pee so bad in the car.
Howard said he's had a limousine since WNBC and he asked if Ronnie can get a car with heat next time. Howard said they never have heat in the back of these cars. He said he's trying to get to the bottom of this. He said his wife is freezing back there. He said Beth's toes were frozen. He had a luxury car and the driver is the only one who is warm. Howard said he had icicles hanging from his balls. Howard said Ronnie's explanation is out there. He said when you put the heat on high it brings in outside air and it brings in the cold air with the hot air. He said he was like ''What the fuck are you talking about?'' He said he asked Ronnie why he thinks the car builder is any good if they don't have heat back there. Howard said he's pissed that Ronnie doesn't switch out the car after 3 years. Howard said there's like 120,000 miles on this thing.
Howard asked where Ronnie is. He wants to yell at him. Howard said he probably doesn't do anything with this car because he's making money. Howard said he should be out buying a car with heat. Howard asked why he doesn't have heat in his luxury car. He asked why he has the car for 5 years. Ronnie said it just turned 4. Howard said he doesn't believe him. Howard said he should be buying one every 3 years.
Ronnie said he doesn't know what his guys do with the car. He said that they don't know how to use the heat. Howard said he had it on for like 5 hours. Ronnie said he had it out Sunday and he had it running with the heat blasting and it was like an inferno. He said something is wrong with the driver. Howard said he has to instruct him. He said he called the driver and the driver told him something about the cold air. Howard said it was ice cold back there. Ronnie said it was warm this morning. Howard said maybe it runs out of heat in the car after 5 hours. He said the longer they were on the road the colder it got in the car.
Howard asked if this is his problem. Ronnie said no. Howard said he didn't have heat in the car. Ronnie said he had it this morning. Howard said it's embarrassing that this is going on. Howard said he's not doing anything wrong. Ronnie said he wasn't in the car so he doesn't know. He said it was 29 degrees when it was snowing and this morning it was 12. He said it was warm this morning.
Howard said he doesn't want to see Ronnie tweeting until he has heat. Ronnie said he has heat. Howard said he didn't have heat. He told him to take a 5 hour drive and see if the heat works. Ronnie said he doesn't know what's going on. Howard said he's driving in the middle of the storm and the people in the horse carriages were laughing at him.
Howard said he has the driver on the phone. It was one of the guys in the back yelling like Ronnie telling him what he was told to do and why the heat wasn't working. Howard said maybe he should put a pot belly stove in the back of the car. Howard asked who is angrier, Ronnie or this Danny driver. Danny said he's more angry. Howard asked if he learned to be angry from Ronnie. Ronnie said fuck you when the guy said he learned from him.
Howard said there's something wrong with Ronnie. Ronnie said Howard had heat this morning. Howard said he had a car that had a petcock in it to turn the heat on. Ronnie said this is the same company that built the last car that he liked. He said that he used their car before. Howard said this is the one with the petcock. Ronnie said this isn't the one with the petcock.
Howard said all he wants is a car with heat in it. Ronnie said he got him a car that works. Howard said it had no heat. Howard said the car didn't have heat. Ronnie said this is the same company that he went to with him. He said they're on the West Side. He said the last 3 cars were built by that company. Howard said he knows nothing about cars. He said that he just wants heat. They played a song parody about the cold limo that Richard sang. It was about the car with the petcock problem. Howard said that song is from 2007. He said that now it's his fault somehow. Ronnie said the car is such a big area to cover. Howard said just tell him that. Ronnie said he had fucking heat. Howard said he didn't have heat. Ronnie said the next car will be smaller so he'll be burning up in there.
Howard told Ronnie he's out of his fucking mind and told him to get out. Howard said this fucking guy is like insanity. Ronnie said there was heat in the car this morning. Howard said he doesn't know what to tell him. He said yesterday here was no heat. Ronnie said that's not his fault. Howard said he wants Ronnie to drive if there's heat when he drives it. Ronnie said he's too old for that. Howard said Ronnie is the guy who has heat in there so he's the only one who can drive it. Howard said he's too old to drive but he was up until 3 in the morning partying. Howard asked how late he was up on New Year's Eve. Ronnie said it was 2:30. He said he was up late again on Saturday night. He was out at a comedy club in the storm.
Howard said he has a driver who is too old to drive. He said usually they retire. Ronnie said he has a new driver. Howard said they got to the bottom of it. Ronnie said he just knows that when he emailed him he had the heat on in the back and it was like an inferno. Howard said Saturday that was not the case. He said they were in the car for 5 hours and they were shivering. Howard said it was very cold. Ronnie asked if he was cold this morning. Howard said he was not but they weren't in the car for 5 hours like they were on Saturday. Howard said he has to sit in the back and see if it works. Robin said he's not going to do that. She said she can tell he won't. Howard said this wonderful life he has is paid for by him. He said the car was parked this morning too. He said he has to take it out on the open road. Ronnie said it worked this morning when he drove in. Howard said he heard that.
Howard said he was broken down on the side of the road once too. Ronnie said he told Howard not to get that fucking car. He said that he hated the car from the day he got it. He said Howard didn't like this and that. Howard said he got him a car that had a seat in it like a shiva bench. He said it was in the back of the limo. Ronnie said it's the same seat that Robin has in Gene's car. Ronnie said Howard sat in the car when he tested it out. Howard asked why he's hanging on to these cars for 120,000 miles. Ronnie said he has to pay for it. Howard said he must not know what he's talking about. Howard said all other limo services have new cars. Ronnie said it was new when they got it. Howard said he's held on to it too long. Howard said get out and shame on you. He kicked Ronnie out of the studio.
Howard said this fucking guy blames him. He said he's not a driver. Howard said all he knows is there was no heat in that jalopy. Robin said there was heat in it when Ronnie drove it. Howard said he needs a limo service. He said there must be guys who want to drive. Howard said he pays top dollar. He said he just wants heat.
Howard asked what happened to the idea that the customer is always right. Howard asked whose fault it is. Robin said she was trying to pin that down. Howard said most new cars have heated seats and stuff. Howard asked why he'd have that. Robin said they have the control in the back. Howard said he doesn't have that in the back. Robin said it's like a tease. Howard said he was told to turn the heat down because it was bringing in cold air. Howard said he was like ''What?'' Howard said Ronnie is partying until 2 in the morning while he's freezing. Howard said he's got god damn pneumonia. Howard said Ronnie's motto is that the customer is never right.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he lives in an area where it was 30 below and his car was warm. He said he has a Subaru. Howard asked how he can get one. The caller said he has auto climate control in his car. Howard said he had to get out of the car and warm up around a barrel with 4 homeless guys. Howard asked the caller how much he has to pay him to drive from Wyoming to drive him to work. Howard asked what the fuck.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie believe in the word accountability. He said it's never his fault. Howard said that's right. He said he got so frustrated with the petcock car that he went to look at more cars. Howard said now the heating is his fault. The caller asked if they can put him on a performance improvement plan. He said they could work on terminating him. Howard said that will never happen. He said he never terminates anyone. He said he feels bad for people. He said he's the problem.
Howard said Ronnie has tweeted 14 times this morning and he still has no heat. Howard asked what Ronnie is tweeting. Ronnie came back in. Howard said that he should be fixing his heat. Ronnie said he was sitting outside on his own time doing that. He said he was in the car tweeting with the heat on. He said the fucking heat was working. Howard asked what he was tweeting about. Ronnie said he was answering questions that people were asking him. Howard said maybe he should tweet Ronnie to get his attention about the heat. The caller asked if he thinks it's God that hates him or Ronnie. Howard said it's Ronnie. Ronnie said that he checked the heat out and it was fine. He said he went in the car and turned on the heat. Howard said it didn't work after 5 hours in the car. Ronnie said he had it on in the back. Howard said he's not hearing him. Ronnie said he heard him.
Ronnie said he's not sure what went wrong. He said he will go over it with his driver. Ronnie said he told Howard that in the email. Howard said all he said was ''OK.'' Ronnie said that means he'll take car of it. The caller said maybe Frosty the Snowman should have ridden in his car. Ronnie told the guy to go about his business. Howard said Ronnie should do the same.
Howard said in 2006 Mel Gibson said that the Jews are responsible fore all of the wars in the world. Howard said they are a minority but they get exterminated. Howard said it's not his problem if you hate Jews or not. Howard said Mel Gibson can suck his balls. He said he saw him up there at Sirius promoting some shit movie that he did. Gary said it was Hacksaw Ridge. Howard said he won't see that piece of shit. Howard said he hears what Meryl Streep is saying but she's sitting there with Mel's ass. Gary said that Mel has been addressing that lately. He said that Mel is blaming the cop for recording him illegally. He said it's like he's saying it's not his fault. Howard said he wouldn't have the guy on his show if he were Jimmy. Howard said he has enjoyed his movies and he was a big fan of some of them but he doesn't go for his fucking politics. Howard said Mel also said that if his wife got raped by a pack of nig*ers it would be her fault. Howard asked how Meryl Streep sits there not saying anything about that. Howard said every black person and Jew should have walked out of that Golden Globes room.
Howard said if he was invited to that thing he would be asking why Mel Gibson is there. Fred played some Mel Gibson clips where he was going off on his wife calling her names and yelling at her and saying the thing about her getting raped. He told her to just smile and blow him too. He also said he'd put her in a rose garden and called her a ''fucking cunt.'' Howard let the clips play and let Mel get his rants out there again.
Howard said he' doesn't approve of having Mel Gibson on. He said Jimmy isn't the only one. He said Mel is back and he's been forgiven. He said Meryl made that beautiful speech about Trump and nothing about Mel. Howard said Mel is still in the audience.
Howard played some of Meryl Streep's speech from the Golden Globes. Howard said she had nothing to say about Mel Gibson but she did talk about Trump. Howard played a couple of clips of her talking about some of the things that Trump has done. Howard said she should have asked what the fuck Mel was even doing there. He said then Denzel should have stood up and did the same thing. Howard said the guy used the N-word.
Howard said that no one was saying anything about the heat in his car. Howard said he was watching the Golden Globes and he still can't get over how thin Al Roker is. Howard said he's a skinny dude. Robin said he still has a big head. Howard said right at the end of the red carpet coverage Al said that the best part of this show is that he can drink. Howard said he wondered if he never drinks. He said he has to ask the guy about that. Howard said he's like a kid who just turned 18 and gets to drink for the first time.
Howard said he thought the OJ Simpson thing won last year. Robin said it came out this past year. Howard asked if that's why Viola Davis was there. Robin said she was in a couple of movies.
Howard said people kept getting the movie ''Fences'' confused with another movie and they kept calling it ''Hidden Fences.'' Howard played a couple of clips.
Howard said when Viola Davis gets up to make a speech he has to fast forward. Howard said he she has a lot to say when she gets up there. Howard said he just doesn't want to be educated at the Golden Globes.
Howard said Emma Stone is hot. He said there's a new thing in dresses. He said women were wearing dresses where it just covers the nip and it plunges down to the belly. Howard said Kristin Bell and Jessica Biel had that. Howard said it's like your whole upper body is naked. Howard said Mandy Moore had it too. Howard said Emily Ratajkowski was there and she wasn't up for any awards. Howard said he's not sure what she was doing there. Howard said he'd be embarrassed to walk the line if you're not up for an award. Robin asked what else she's supposed to do. Howard said she looks beautiful and she's almost naked. Howard said he worked with Heidi Klum and he saw her there too. He asked why she's there. Howard said if she's not entitled to be there why not just stay away. Robin said she'll be at the Oscars too. Robin said he should have asked her when he worked with her. Howard said he hardly talked to her at America's Got Talent.
Howard said at least she's on TV. Howard said Emily Ratajkowski did one video for Blurred Lines and she's never done anything else. Gary said she had a big role in some movie.
Howard said certain people go on and on at the awards but some people have something to say and they get played off. Howard said they played Casey Affleck off. Howard played some audio of what he was saying and then he gets played off. Howard said if he was winning an award he'd bring a tazer and hit the band with it.
Robin said they didn't let anyone from the movie ''LaLa Land'' speak. She said it's the greatest movie of the year according to them but they won't let them speak.
Howard said Tom Hiddleston rambled on for a while. Howard played some of his speech and said this goes on and on. Fred played some snoring sounds as it was playing. Howard asked where the music was on that guy. Howard said that guy is lucky he's good looking. He said he just goes on and on. He said if he were Casey Affleck he would have gotten up with a boom box and played him off.
Howard said he tuned in to watch Celebrity Apprentice this week and he kind of liked it. He said he had never watched it before. He said he thought it was an interesting show. He said he's not sure he'll continue watching it though. He said at one point they had Vince Neil and Boy George working on a Trident jingle. He thought that was kind of interesting.
Howard said he should take a break but the breaks kind of screw up his flow. Howard took a call from a guy who said he should get rid of Ronnie and have Brent drive him around. Howard said he's not sure Brent would want to do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was giving Howard a ''Wah!'' for the cold in the back of the limo. Howard said if you pay a lot of money for a car it should have heat. The caller asked what Beth was wearing on her feet. Howard said she had timberland boots with two pair of socks on. He said they were both bundled up. Howard said he gets that other people don't have limos. He said that if you have one then people should be jealous.
Howard said he had a red Valiant when he was starting out and Fred was never cold in that car. Fred said he wasn't. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard said he wants to mention that they did a thing on the air last week that's kind of controversial. Howard said Gary, Fafa Fooey, contacted him and Sal sent him an email about how he's now trying to withdraw his vote for Tan Mom. He said Sal wrote that his ''conscious'' has caught up with him. He wants to change his vote to ''no one dies'' or he'll donate his money. Howard said Sal wrote ''conscious'' instead of conscience. Sal came in and said he was thinking about Joey Boots' death. Howard said they all are. Howard said the death pool is a joke. He said you're not wishing for people do die. Howard said they do outrageous things on the show.
Howard said Sal will go to a booth and watch a woman get naked while he's jerking off but he can't vote for someone to die. Howard said if you're religious then how can he do that. Howard said Sal doesn't give a fuck about the death pool. Sal said he feels like he's contributing to someone dying. Howard said Sal voted on Tan Mom. Howard said maybe that's like a wake up call for her. Howard said look at Jeff the Drunk. Howard said he will die an early death if he doesn't stop smoking. Howard said this can be a wake up call. Sal said he'd be capitalizing on that if he is anticipating his death.
Robin said she doesn't want her pick to die. Howard said he doesn't want Angry Alice to die either. Sal said he could tell Howard felt bad about that. Howard said he didn't. Sal said he would have a tough time living with himself if his pick died.
Gary asked if Sal thinks he is causing a death by picking that person. Sal said in a way yes. Howard said he thinks like a 4 year old. Robin said it's like a 2 year old. Howard said that Sal wants to pull out of the death pool. Howard said Sal's wife is mad that he's forfeiting the money. Sal said she's upset that he's retracting his winnings.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is all about Sal's wife being mad at him for putting in $100 without asking her. Sal said he's got the money and he doesn't want to be connected to the death pool. He said he emailed Gary about it and he's going to give the money to them either way. He said he's not taking Tan Mom in the pool. Howard said he can donate the money to charity. Sal said he's not taking Tan Mom. Howard said he is. He said it's too late and he's going to hell.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Tan Mom got hold of Sal. Sal said she did not. He said he was thinking about it on the way home from work and he had to get out of it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that we're all going to go at some point. She said we don't celebrate when they die. She said she's not sure why we don't say good things about people before they die. Howard let her go and got back to Sal.
Sal said he was driving home and on the back of a van it said ''The Holy Spirit.'' He said he took that as a sign. Robin said his life should be going better. Howard said Tan Mom didn't even have a problem with it. He said they called her and she kind of liked it. Howard said maybe Sal hasn't heard this yet. Howard played the clip and Shuli was on the phone with Tan Mom who said she thinks that Sal is going to go down first. She said he's a great guy. Howard said Benjy was saying it's immoral to have a death pool. Robin said he's all religious now. Howard said Benjy thinks it's in bad taste. Gary asked if he wants him in there. Howard said he doesn't know. Gary said Benjy wants to talk Howard out of being in it. Howard said he's a narcissist.
Sal said that Benjy passed Ronnie the other day and Ronnie almost passed out from the smell. He said that he's bigger than ever. Howard said he has gotten huge. Howard said maybe they should do an intervention.
Benjy came in and had some issues with his microphone. Howard asked what he weighs now. Benjy said he was 263. He said he must be hitting his maximum. Howard had him get on the scale real quick. Howard said he can't even put his arms down. Howard said he's up to 272 now. Howard said he's bigger than ever. Sal was goofing on him so Howard asked why he's goofing on him if he's so religious. Sal said he's trying to save his life.
Howard said Benjy has a nice face for a fat guy. Benjy said he knows that. Howard said he has convinced him of that.
Benjy said that Sal did this smell thing last time. Howard asked if what Sal is saying is true. Ronnie came in and said he can't stand his bullshit around there. He said people are afraid to open their mouth. He said he went into Scott's studio and that guy Steve is in there now. He said Benjy wasn't even there. He said there was an odor in the studio and it wasn't even Benjy. Ronnie said that he didn't say that Benjy smells. He said it was just an odor in the room. Howard said this is like a game of telephone. Howard said Ronnie said there was a smell but Benjy wasn't even there.
Sal said last week they were standing outside at his post and Benjy passed and Ronnie said that he really smells. Ronnie asked who said that first. Sal said he may have kick started it. Ronnie said he's not going to throw him under the bus. He said Jason called him on Thursday and asked about that. He said he told him about what went down in Steve's room.
Ronnie said Benjy is looking disheveled lately. Howard said he has a nice shirt on today. He said he is a fat guy though. He said he has jeans on. Robin said he has the beard and the cap and the wrinkled shirt and all of that. Ronnie said he walks to work with no coat on. Benjy said he walked out of his building into a car and then out of the car into the building there. He said he has a coat but he didn't wear it. Gary said this is one of the better clothing days for Benjy. He said he shows some side fat with one of the shirts he wears. Benjy said he didn't know his stomach was showing.
Howard asked what he's eating now that's putting on all of the weight. Benjy said that he's eating a lot of food. He said he started weight lifting and he's walking around a lot too. Fred said he's lifting his belly.
Howard asked if he takes big shits like High Pitch Erik. Benjy said that he does and it's horrible. He said you spend all day trying to get it all out.
Howard said that everyone is against the death pool all of a sudden. Howard asked what's wrong with Ronnie. Ronnie said that he takes a lot of hits for things that other people say. He said it's Sal and Steve who said those things. Howard asked if Benjy is back on Ambien. Benjy said he is. Howard said he told him to just try to sleep and if he can't sleep then just lay there. Benjy said that it's the cycle that can get worse and worse.
Howard said he'll lay down at 8 and then he'll just fall asleep. Howard said if can't sleep them just stay up and sleep the next day.
Howard said he read an article about the number 1 porn that people view. He said it's step-mother and son. Howard said he's always in the majority. Sal said no way. Howard said it's fantastic stuff. Ronnie said Sal loves the pissing on people porn. Howard said Sal is the only one watching that. He said they made all of those things just for Sal. Howard asked why Sal doesn't feel bad about that. Sal said that he's relieving himself without hurting anyone. Howard said Sal has a problem with the death pool but not with women getting pissed on. Sal said we all have flaws.
Benjy was talking about doing outrageous things on the show and how that can affect people. Howard said he has a big heart. He said he has a big belly too. Howard asked what size waist he has. Benjy said he doesn't know. Howard asked if a death pool is so bad. Fred said it's not. He said it's silly and nonsensical. Benjy asked if Howard would be upset if Beth was in a death pool with his kids. Howard said it's just silly. Benjy said he thinks if Howard got out of the pool then other people would get out.
Howard said they should listen to the reaction of the Wack Pack to the death pool. Howard played a clip where Big Foot reacted to it. Will and Fred picked Big Foot. Howard said Big Foot seemed pretty confused. Howard played the clip and Big Foot thought they were the ones who were picked to die. He didn't know that they were picking him to die next. Big Foot said he doubts that. He said he takes good care of his health. Big Foot didn't know who to pick. He thought Beetlejuice was dead.
Benjy asked why Howard changed Gary the Retard's name to Gary the Conqueror. Howard said that it's not right to call someone a retard. Benjy said he wanted that name though. Howard said the guy is retarded.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to get Benjy out of the studio. He said it's the worst thing to have him in there. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who agreed with the guy and told him to go back outside where he belongs. She said he doesn't belong in the studio. Benjy said she's a mean, psychotic person.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Benjy has a problem being on Ambien and maybe he's drinking too. Howard said that he should get him out of there. Howard said they have to get back to Big Foot.
Howard asked if Benjy smells or not. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said that Sal was the one who said it first that Benjy smells. Sal said he did kick start it but Ronnie did agree. Ronnie said he agreed but he didn't bring it up in the room that Sal was talking about. Howard told Benjy to come over so he can smell him. Sal told him to go easy. Howard said if he smells then he can take a shower or something. Howard sniffed Benjy and said he doesn't smell. Howard said he was afraid he was going to get near him and eat him.
Howard kicked Benjy out after that. He asked when he got such morality. Robin said she saw he was posting something about being born again on Twitter. Howard said the guy is a Jew. He asked if he's really born again. Sal said you can't find a pussy fat enough for that. He said his mom must have shot herself. Howard said he follows him no Facebook but he ignores everything he says.
Benjy came back in and said he posted something on Facebook that he had edited in some stuff to and people thought he was serious. He said he's not born again. He said his mom got upset about it so he changed it to being Buddhist but he's really just Jewish. He started to get into the death pool thing again and Howard cut off his microphone and kicked him out.
Howard got back to the clips from the Wack Packers about the death pool. Howard said no one is changing anything in this pool. Fred was ready to change his vote but Howard said no. Fred and Will both picked Big Foot in the pool. Sal asked if he can change his bet to be nobody. Howard said no. Howard said he's not letting him. Sal said he doesn't want to be attached to anyone's death. Sal said he didn't get a call from Tan Mom or anything.
Howard said Big Foot updated them on his drug use. Howard played a clip and Big Foot said he's smoked some crack but he's taking it easy this month. He said it's very expensive, it is.
Howard said they heard from Tan Mom and she's not upset about being picked by Sal. Howard said High Pitch Erik says he won't die soon because he has lost weight in the past. Howard asked who has him. Gary said that's him. Howard played the clip of Erik talking about his weight and how it fluctuates. He said he's lost it in the past and he will be fine. He said he won't have anything happen to him. Howard said Joey's funeral was on Friday.
Howard said Angry Alice is upset about Joey Boots. Howard played a clip of Alice talking about the passing of Joey. She said it hurts. She said she loved that kid. Alice said she's going to miss ''Jody.'' Howard said Alice thinks she will outlive him. Howard played that clip and Alice asked why he picked her god damn name. She said she's in good shape. She said Howard looks like he's ready to drop dead himself. She said he looks pale and sick like an AIDS patient. Alice told him to east shit from her asshole.
Howard said he has looked like an AIDS patient since he was 13. Howard said he's basing his opinion on where she lives and the high stress she has. Sal said she has mental illness too. Gary said he thinks she's 65. Howard said she's a little older than him. Howard said he's only 55.
Howard said Nicole Bass went into her medical problems. Howard played a clip where Nicole talked about how every year she almost dies. She said she has a seizure disorder but she takes medication for that. She said it's got nothing to do with sobriety. Howard said she sounds like she's on a lot of medication. Howard said that can't be good.
Howard said it's weird that people who work out don't look that good. Howard said Arnold doesn't look good. He said he worked out his whole life and now he has big boobs.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult weighed in. Howard said she says she won't die because she eats healthy stuff. Howard played her clip and Wendy said she's as healthy as a bee. She said she eats healthy stuff and she hardly eats. Shuli asked her what she's eating. She said pizza, cabbage, egg rolls, cheese and pineapple and peaches. She said she only eats fatty foods when she goes out to eat.
Sal said he doesn't want to contribute to their death. Howard said that he reason they did this whole thing is because the Wack Pack are dropping like flies.
Howard said Memet went over there and recorded some stuff. Howard said that he got some interviews with people there. Howard said that Sal's buddy Larry Caputo was there too.
Howard said that these people are called ''Intactivists'' because they want to be intact. Howard said some of these people are trying to grow their foreskins back. He said that can't be done.
Howard said there was a woman there who was singing a song about foreskins. Howard played some audio of that. Then he played some audio of Sal speaking at the event. Sal said he takes this very seriously himself. He said he resented his mom not circumcising him when he was growing up. He said that it starts socially and what it's all about. Howard asked what he's talking about. Howard said the woman who sang the foreskin song is on the phone. Howard picked up and one of the guys in the back was singing to some background music.
Howard played more of Sal talking about how they have to change people's attitudes about circumcision. Howard said he should start with himself. He mutilated his own children. Robin asked if it was his wife who wanted it. Sal said he can't talk. He sounded pained when he answered.
Howard asked Sal why he didn't tell the audience that he had his kids circumcised. Sal said he sort of did. He said he was only 26 years old when he had his kids done. Ronnie said if Sal hadn't thrown him under the bus he would have been out of there long ago.
Howard played a clip of a gay ''Intactivist'' who they spoke to. Howard played that and the guy was talking about how to clean an uncircumcised penis. Howard said he thinks a lot of the dudes there were gay. He said there was a lot of talk about penis. Howard said that guy sounded like the cowardly lion.
Howard said some of the people were kind of nerdy too. Howard played a clip of a guy who talked about how he learned he had been mutilated.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about how he is growing his foreskin back. He said he has a device that tugs on the skin to gradually stretch it. Howard said this guy showed up with scaffolding around his dick.
Howard said Sal is now an activist. Robin said he's an Intactivist. Ronnie said they won't have him back again. Sal said he would go. Robin said he's growing this movement.
Howard asked if he's going to get his kids to grow their foreskins back. Sal said no. Howard asked if Sal would still do it today if he had the choice. Sal said he's not sure. He said he's glad he's not circumcised because Howard has made it something he's known for. Howard said Gary did it to his kids and he doesn't care. Gary said they're fine. Howard said it is weird that we cut off people's penis skin. Howard said the world was out of control and they thought they could stop men from sex acts. He said it was a religious thing. Howard said he's not sure why they cut off part of a person's penis. Gary said the thing that changed things for him was a guy they worked with who had to have a circumcision late in life because he had a lot of issues. Sal said it's not easy to take care of. Fred disagreed. He said that he has no problem taking care of it.
Howard said he wants to find out more about that woman who sang the foreskin song. Howard played more of that and Sal said she sang like 7 or 8 songs that night. Howard asked why he didn't record all of those. Sal said he's to sure why Memet didn't get them. Sal said she did one to the tune of ''We are the Champions.'' He said she was amazing. Howard played more of her singing the foreskin song. Gary said that Memet just said he has no idea what Sal is talking about. Sal said Memet may have been gone by then. He said she did like 4 songs at the end of the night. Howard said that's like number 9 billion on the charts.
Howard asked what the other two songs were. Sal said he's not sure. He said she did some Queen and maybe some Beatles. Howard said Memet is saying Sal is full of shit. Sal said no way. He said he'll call the organizer.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back and one of the guys was singing to the tune of ''We Will Rock You'' about foreskins.
Howard asked if she did ''Stairway to Foreskin.'' Sal laughed and said he doesn't think she did that one. Howard made up some other songs she could have covered. Howard congratulated Sal on his activism. Sal said that he rubs some cream on his dick to keep the smell away. Sal said don't dry it out. He said it can end up looking like a prune. He said that he'd wee and then wrap it to keep it dry and leave it on all day. He said it would get all pruney. Fred said you don't do that. Sal said he once went to the dermatologist and he had toilet paper stuck in his foreskin. He said the guy looked like he was going to puke. He said the guy looked like he was going to throw up. Howard said he's making a great case for circumcision.
Ronnie asked Sal if he told him to get circumcised. Sal said he was told he was being over attentive and he should stop drying it out. He said it self lubricates. He said you use cream if it doesn't.
Howard said Sal and Benjy have ruined the death pool. Howard said Benjy's not even in it. Gary said no one else wants out. Gary said Sal is still in it and Fred and Will will split the bet on Big Foot. Howard said if Sal wins he has to take the money. Sal said he won't take the money. Sal said his money is going in but his heart and conscience are not in it. He said he's not taking Tan Mom.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Sal is a maniac. He lost his thought after that so Howard hung up on him. Sal said Gary should have backed out because he has kids. Gary said he's not making these people die. He said Sal can go back and watch some piss porn now. Sal said Howard has a show to run so get back to business. Howard said this is like an insane asylum. Robin said it is. She said if you start listening to Sal's logic you feel bad for him. She said he's trying to make real decisions with that brain. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that guy (A caller whose calls you'll never read about on this site) on the phone was talking about big game animals being killed. Howard said he's not sure how people shoot them. Howard said he doesn't get it at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that caller was a psychopath. Howard said he was shot out of a cannon. The caller asked what's up with Gary's producing skills lately. He said he can't even get him booked on the show. Howard said he's sure Gary has asked him on the show. Gary said he has many times. Howard said you can't blame Gary for that. Howard said maybe you have to be a disciple of his for the past 20 years to get him on the show. Gary said he only did Colbert and one other show and then Maron's podcast.
Howard said he received a note, or his agent did, from the Today show and they were producing a segment about Matt Lauer's 20th anniversary and asked if he would tape something. Howard said he doesn't like doing that stuff because they cut it down. Howard said he did the recording for Matt because he's friends with him. He said he was friends with him back at NBC. Howard said he used to do the show a lot back in those days. Howard said he knows Matt and his wife Annette. He said he did the thing but he knew they'd take it and edit it down. Howard said he will no longer make tapes. He said he's saying this with peace and love. Howard said he kept trying to find the Today show clip. He said he was montaged in with a bunch of people. Howard played the clip where they had him toasting Matt. Howard said he did a minute long thing for them and they cut it down to 12 seconds. Howard said maybe it wasn't funny or cute. Howard said he's not making tapes anymore.
Howard said they had a bunch of instructions for this thing he recorded. He said that he followed it and they cut it all out. Howard played the tape he sent over to NBC for them to use. Howard did a full minute talking about Matt and 20 years of Where in the World is Matt Lauer. Howard had talked about some of the people who had left the Today show and where they are now. He was joking about all of that and that's all of the stuff they cut out.
Howard said that stuff is funny. Robin said that's not the Today show. Howard said they asked Howard Stern for a message. Howard said they didn't ask someone else. Howard said they're trying to turn him into Ryan Seacrest. Howard said they can't do that to him. He said he doesn't want to tape messages for people. He said he loves everyone but he can't be edited like this. Robin said he's saying this with peace and love. Howard said that's right. Fred played the Ringo ''Peace and Love'' clip a few times.
Howard said that he put some thought into that clip and they cut it down. Howard said they don't really want him on that show. They want Ryan Seacrest instead.
Howard said he wrote some thank you notes to some people. He asked if Robin got her's. Robin said she did. She asked if Howard got her's. Howard said he did and it was lovely.
Howard said he jerked off yesterday too. He said he ran on the treadmill for 45 minutes. He said he read the article about the number 1 videos to jerk off to are the step-mother and son videos. Robin asked where he read that. Howard said he has it right there. Howard said the people from Zip Recruiter also sent over a condolence package for Joey Boots. He thanked them for that.
Howard read the article about the most searched porn thing. Howard said he thinks he's different but it turns out he's watching the most searched for porn. Howard said he thinks that it's a new idea but it's not. Howard read about some of the other popular things that people are searching for. Howard said one of them is lesbian scissoring. Howard said he watched some of that last night.
Robin asked if Howard is watching Sense8 on Netflix. Howard said he hasn't seen that yet. Robin said there's a lot of nudity in that. Howard said he watched two girls getting it on with a lollipop. Robin said on Sense8 (She kept calling it Senses8) and there's a Transgender on the show and they had some orgy scenes. Howard asked if she has feeling in her vagina. Robin said she does appear to be getting off in the scenes.
Howard said that one of the search terms was Overwatch. Jason told him that's a video game and there are a ton of porn parodies about it.
Howard read more about the top searches as if he was Casey Kasem. Howard said there's mom porn too. He said all you see is the cock from the guy's point of view. He said you just see the cock and not the son who is banging his mom. Howard read about the top 3 porn stars too. Howard asked if Lisa Ann is the girl in the fantasy football league with the guys. Gary said that's her. He said she hasn't made a new porn video in 3 years. Howard said she's in the top searches though.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has some vocal fry clips to play. Howard brought up Tom Chiusano and wondered what he's up to. Robin said he is playing golf and wintering in Florida. Robin said he's that ''sun bird'' guy. Howard said it's not sun bird. It's Snow Bird. Gary said he sees Tom every 7 or 8 months and he's working with cancer patients. Howard said he loved that Tom broke his hand when he got mad at his suit and punched it and hit the wall instead. Gary said Tom got so mad when Howard had that email with misspellings it in blown up and hung on the wall. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said they played all of the things he hates from 2016. He said they got some email about that. Howard said someone wrote in about how accurate they all were. Howard said he likes carpet but someone mentioned that he said he hates it. Howard said he wants to hear that back. He said he never said he hates carpet. Gary said Nik is saying he never said carpets. Howard had Fred play back the tape. In the clip Howard said he hates many things but no carpet. Fred said maybe it's an older one from 2015. Fred played that one and there were a lot of things he hates and none of those were carpet either. He did say ''horse cart'' so Fred said maybe that's what it was.
Howard had Fred play the clip again. Fred played it and Howard did say he hates plants. Howard said he doesn't like having plants in his apartment. Howard said he doesn't like watering them or taking care of them. He said they never stay alive. Howard said he's not sure how much water they need. Howard said he feels bad for the plants in there. Robin said the plants are cleaning the air and providing him with oxygen. Howard said Benjy sends him a plant every year and he always gives it away. He said he looks at the card and then has it taken away.
Howard said some people like him imitating Sumner Redstone. Howard read some of those emails.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she hears Howard speaking out against Meryl Streep. Howard said he's not speaking out against her. Howard said he doesn't mind people preaching but how do they let Mel Gibson stay there without saying anything. Howard said he wishes people would always speak their mind. The caller said that ever since Trump started running Howard ignored him. She said he has always attacked republicans. She said that Robin was going to move out of the country when Bush was elected. Howard said Robin voted for Bush. Howard ended up hanging up on her.
Howard said that the Trump supporter all think he's just for Hillary and then the Hillary supporters say he only talks about Trump. Howard said he's not hearing from either one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the step-sister and step-daughter porn is too much. He asked if Howard thinks that's too much. Howard said not at all. He said the country is thriving with it.
Howard said he was reading about how much Bob Lefsetz loves that Amazon Echo thing. Howard said he was getting steamed reading about it and wondered why he's not using it. Howard said he has people who should have him hooked up with it. Robin said she told Howard about it before the holidays. Howard said he wrote to his staff and asked about it. Robin said Howard didn't see a need for it. Howard said Gary has been talking about it for a long time too.
Howard said he mentioned it to a friend and the person asked why he needs it. Howard said he thought he might be into it after reading Bob's article. Howard said he thought about how he could ask for music to be played and his friend said he doesn't want that. Howard said she asked if he wants something to be listening to him all the time.
Howard played a phony phone call the guys made using clips of Gary asking ''Alexa'' (Amazon Echo) questions.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to thank him for bringing up the Meryl Streep thing. He said he agrees with Howard about MMA being an art. He said he disagrees with what Meryl said about that.
Howard said the MMA is an art form. Robin said when you come out of an art form you shouldn't be bleeding.
Howard played a clip of a girl named Danielle meeting the Bachelor, Nick. In that clip the girl started to get that vocal fry thing. Howard said she thinks she's doing a mating call but it's the exact opposite.
Howard played another clip of one of the girls having vocal fry. Howard said this was the black chick too. JD said that was a different girl. Howard said it's like a possession of some type when the girl gets that vocal fry. Howard said it's like they're a frog. He did an impression of the voice. Howard said it drives him nuts. He said he tells Beth to listen to this and she asks him to be quiet. Howard said he likes that Bachelor show.
Howard read an email about what native American's really like to be called. Howard prefers Native American but Robin said it's fine to call them Indians. Howard said the emailer said that they did a study and found that Indian is what they prefer.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just wanted to let him know that it's right about the Alexa thing because there's a case in court and he was killed and now the police are trying to get the tapes released to hear the conversations. Gary came in and said that Amazon is refusing to turn over anything and there is no proof that it's recording you. Howard said he's not getting it. He said it has to hear the conversation. Robin said the ''Hey Siri'' thing is the same thing. Howard said now she's ruining it for him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her Alexa is lighting up and saying that it can't understand what he's saying when Howard says it. She said it did understand what Gary was asking it in the phony phone call clips. Howard said that he doesn't like any of this.
Jason came in and said Siri is listening for the command and it's not recording all the time. He said that Alexa will listen when you give it the command and then send the recordings to Amazon. Howard wondered how we know that it's not. Jason said he doesn't know.
Jason said he has Alexa play music all the time. He said his goal is to have it do everything for him. He said it even controls his lights. Gary said you can sit in your chair to order stuff. He said you can even order pizza. Gary said there are cases where kids order stuff. Jason said those parents are stupid. He said they could block that from happening. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
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Howard came back and said he loves this song. He did another live commercial read after that. Howard said he was telling Robin about the car that was lacking heat earlier. Howard said he came home and he was so cold. Howard said his wife said they should order Chinese food. He figured that they wouldn't be able to get it up there. Howard said they placed the order and 15 minutes later it was there. Robin said she remembers one year Howard was stuck on Long Island when he got snowed in. Robin said her doorbell rang and it was her food order. Robin said he wasn't able to get out of his home but she had food delivered in the city. Howard said he always orders his ''sauce on side'' and the woman answers the phone she always laughs. He said it's the funniest thing to her. Howard said every time he'd call to place an order she'd say ''Howard Stern sauce on side ah hahaha.''
Howard said he was so hungry and cold in the car. He had to pee too. Howard said he just ordered his food like it was his last meal. Howard said he ordered prawns with black bean sauce and fried rice with shrimp. He said you should have seen it. He said it was beautiful. He said Beth placed the order. He said the woman saw it was his account and she knew it was ''Howard Stern sauce on side.'' She said that he's eating normal. He said it blew her mind. Howard said he couldn't believe that she remembered. Howard said he blew her mind.
Howard played a song parody for Robin. He said it's time for news. Howard said he liked that one. Robin said Howard likes quite a few of those songs.
Robin stared her news with a story about Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds being in a documentary on HBO. Howard said he doesn't think he wants to see that. Howard said Carrie and her mom were very talented but he doesn't really care. Robin said they were talking about their closeness in the documentary and they both died so close together.
Robin read a story about Mark Wahlberg getting a call from Penny Marshall when he was a rapper. Robin said she called him up and had a 2 hour meeting with her. Robin said he said he was fascinated with that and Penny told him he acts like an actor and carries himself like that and gave him screen tests and things. She got him a part finally and from then on he was an actor. Howard said that's a fascinating story.
Robin read about Sylvester Stallone's daughters being the Golden Globe girls. Howard said that's right. Robin said he must have some very beautiful daughters.
Robin read a story about the Pope and how he's trying to get people to realize that killing in the name of god is not right. Robin said he's saying you can never kill in god's name.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that people were kissing Mel Gibson's ass on the red carpet last night. Mariann said that it's all about the almighty dollar. She said that everyone should also stand behind their president until they know more. Howard cut her off and hung up. Howard played a Mel Gibson clip and then said he smells something weird over there. He said he may have stepped in shit. He said maybe it's the garbage.
Robin read a story about an airline passenger who says he was half asleep when he groped a woman's boobs on a flight. Howard said bullshit. Robin said he claims he was on some cold medicine and he may have done it while trying to find a pillow. Robin said he was in court and his lawyer says he was half asleep. Robin said the guy is 57 and from Brooklyn. Howard said he's been high on everything and at no point did he grope anyone. He did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about the iPhone turning 10 years old today. Robin said that they have sold more than a billion iPhones since it came out.
Robin read a story about Apple being disappointing in their lack of growth. Robin said it's the first time that they haven't grown in 15 years. Robin said Tim Cook had to take a 15 percent pay cut because of that. Howard asked where their iCar is. Robin said that Google is working on self driving cars. Robin said they're working with a big car company though. Howard said Apple should have that already. Howard played an Apple commercial parody where they goofed on how they're out of ideas.
Robin read about a Volkswagen executive who was arrested in Florida on Saturday. Robin said that he's being accused of covering up the diesel car case.
Robin read a story about this hacking thing and why Trump's camp keeps saying it didn't happen and why the government is saying it did. Howard said it did happen and Trump doesn't want to be embarrassed by it. Howard said you've got to go after the Russians in a big way. Howard said we can't have this. He said we do it too and we interfere but we have to do something. Robin said they did try to influence the election. Howard said you have to punish them with economic sanctions. Howard said Trump isn't going to admit it happened because he doesn't want to be embarrassed. Robin had some audio of Lindsay Graham talking about how they have to take action against Russia. She had some other clips for Howard to play too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Ft. Lauderdale shooter going to court today. Robin said he faces some charges that carry the death penalty. Robin had some audio of someone talking about if he should be called a terrorist or not. Robin said they say that he went to an FBI office and said he was being forced to listen to ISIS tapes. He was checked out after his gun was taken away but then he was released and give his gun back and a few months later he was shooting up the airport. Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about that.
Robin read a story about how North Korea is saying they are close to having a nuclear weapon that could reach the U.S. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how the house hearings for the Trump cabinet are being held this week. Robin had some audio of Corey Booker talking about that.
Robin read a story about the whale known as Tilikum dying in captivity. Robin said this is the whale that killed a trainer a few years back. Robin said Sea World in San Diego did their final killer whale show. Robin said the last show was on Sunday.
Robin read about the Golden Globes and the speech Meryl Streep made. Robin had some audio of Streep talking about Trump making fun of a disabled reporter. Robin said Trump has responded and he wasn't surprised that he was criticized by Liberal Hollywood. He also called Meryl Streep overrated. Robin read about some of the winners last night and had some clips for Howard to play. She had clips of Casey Affleck, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling and others. Robin and Howard talked about how they can't bring themselves to watch LaLa Land even though it's getting great reviews. Robin had a song from the movie that she had Howard play. Howard said he could play that simple piano. He said he bets George Takei loves this. Robin said of course. She had some audio of the song writers accepting their award. Robin had audio of Viola Davis for Howard to play. Howard said he got the movie ''Fences'' as a screener but he's not sure he wants to watch it.
Robin read a story about the people who robbed Kim Kardashian being arrested. Robin said it's as many as 16 people who were arrested in connection with the robbery.
Robin read a story about how kids pick up things you say and do around them that have to do with other cultures. Robin said that's what a study found. Robin said they say that they looked at 4 and 5 year olds and the kids can pick up on social and racial biases. Robin had a clip for Howard to play. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard said he has to get a nail clipper because his nails grew so long doing such a long show today. Howard did a live commercial read and ended the show. They were done around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking about how he had a strange night with The Bachelor. He watched about an hour of it and then fell asleep. He got back up at 11:30 and watched the other hour. Howard said it's 2 hours long. Robin didn't know that. Robin said she thought it was only 1. Howard said Gary was watching for the first time and he said his wife said they're never watching again. Howard said Gary didn't understand why Nick has been on the show 4 seasons already. Howard said that's not exactly accurate.
Gary came in and asked if these women have any self worth of any kind. Howard said not at all. Howard said you can't be bright and be on The Bachelor. Howard said you'd never demean yourself that way. Gary asked how you find a husband like that. Howard said it's a goof. Robin said Kareem Abdul Jabaar wrote a whole essay about how it'd ruining relationships.
Howard said Nick was a first runner up on a season. He said after that there was a cute Bachelorette and Nick crashed the season. He said that he met her and wanted to be on her season. Howard said the other bachelors didn't like that. Howard went through the history and explained why he's on another season. Howard said he can't even say the word ''bachelor.'' He said he says it like ''bachelor.''
Gary asked if he doesn't pick someone in Bachelor in Paradise. Howard said that's where they pick people to hook up with. Howard said that show would be the highest rated show in TV if men just admitted they watched.
Gary said he's fat and old and he's judging these women. Howard said he has a friend who is fairly famous and she watches with them sometimes. Howard said she brings the laser pointer for everyone so they can point out flaws. Howard said it's called Bachelor Laser Pointer Party. He said he and Beth do that together. He said they just remain silent but circle every flaw. Howard said you learn a lot about people and what they find interesting.
Howard said on the home visits you'll see a mom in the background drinking straight from the bottle. Howard said you catch it real quick and then circle it. Gary said then you see the siblings who are off by half a chromosome.
Howard said the girls are so weird but they're hot. Gary said you just want to yell at them. Howard said it's a very heterosexual thing to watch that show because the women are so attractive.
Howard said he thinks their time is up for talking about The Bachelor. He played an Andy Cohen message where he said it's time and you won't turn gay because of that conversation.
Howard said that he saw Mandy Moore at the Golden Globes in that dress like Jessica Biel and Kristin Bell wore. He said it's just a piece of cloth over their nip. He said he's not sure who designs these dresses but he's a genius. Howard said it had to be a straight man or a gay guy who thinks he could wear that.
Howard said he also saw that Pierce Brosnan came out and presented a movie called Sing Street that was really good. Robin said it bored her. Howard said he loved it. Robin didn't. Howard said he remembered that Brosnan played James Bond too. Howard said there have been so many. Robin said Daniel Craig is really good. Howard said he thinks he's the best James Bond. Howard said there were a couple of others. Howard and Robin talked about the other ones and Howard didn't remember some of them.
Howard said they have a long show. He talked about how radio was based on ratings and that's why it's the format it is. Howard said he used to have problems with his OCD and getting it all together. Howard said by talking he avoided the secretarial aspect of radio. Howard said he couldn't bare getting another record and getting all of these elements lined up. He said it made him mental. He said talking saved him. Howard said the idea that they do a 4 hour show is absurd. He said he should do an hour and leave. Howard said no one does 4 hours anymore. Robin said it's not even 90 minutes on TV anymore. She said the Tonight Show used to be 90 minutes but they cut it down. Howard said radio is the skunk medium. Robin said before TV it used to draw the top talent.
Howard said Eric Andre does a 10 minute show. Howard said he does 12 hours a week himself. Howard said people don't want to hear that. They don't want to buy it. Robin said he still has to do 4 hours.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's going to be studying Freud in school and he's not sure why. Howard said he was a genius. Howard said he was so brilliant and he figured out how the human mind worked. Howard said if you read and learn it then it'll solve problems. Howard said the guy was a genius. He said all of the concepts they understand now is because of Sigmund Freud. Howard said he realized that we have the conscious mind and an unconscious mind. Howard said he doesn't like that word so he'll say subconscious. Howard said that there is something in there that is conscious and subconscious. He said that part is like hell. He said that's what we repress. Howard said then he figured out that there's a preconscious. He said that's where he'll ask Robin a question and you know the answer immediately. He said you can call on it whenever you ended it.
Howard said these are brilliant concepts. Howard said we take them for granted. He said Freud taught us a lot. Howard said if you're in school he'd tell you to study Freud. The caller said he's got it.
Howard took a call from Bobo in California. Howard didn't get to him right away though. Howard said that the Wack Pack Death Pool is over because of Sal and Benjy. Howard said that some of the guys don't want to make money off of someone's death. Howard said he is done with it. He said he's going to give everyone their money back. Howard said it's done. He said he doesn't want to get into it and tell Robin who came forward. Howard said no one in the Wack Pack cares they were in it.
The caller asked if it's time to have an intervention with Ronnie. Howard said it might be. Howard said he should have been able to tell Ronnie that he has no heat and Ronnie would say he would look into it. Howard said that's it. He said now they call him Ronnie the Rock star. Howard said he made a mistake of putting him on the air. Howard said he would hear from him once in a while and there was some desire there to be on the air. Howard said he let him do security. He said Ronnie became a personality and he didn't want that. Howard said if he stuck him back in the car now he'd be destroyed. He said he can't do that to him. Howard said people enjoy him on the show but he's created a monster.
Howard said he pays Ronnie top dollar and he was on Twitter thanking his supporters for backing him up yesterday. Howard said he should have a car with heat. The caller said he should have Uber drivers in there to teach him customer service. Howard said he has always treated Ronnie with dignity. He said then he tells him he has heat problems and Ronnie argues. Howard said he has to get a driver who hasn't guest starred on Limitless. Howard said he became a whole celebrity.
Howard said Ronnie was goofing on him in the back singing songs about how the limp is cold. Howard played some clips and Ronnie was goofing on him. Howard said it's a goof but it shouldn't be funny. He said it's insubordination. Howard played some more clips of Ronnie singing about his heat being off.
Howard said he wishes he would spend that time fixing the car. Howard said he has to get a new car. He said hopefully it'll have heat. The caller said he should get a new driver. Howard said Ronnie has guys working for him. He said he hardly drives him now. Howard said he has no one to blame but himself. He said he created this.
Howard said Ronnie is like Tom Cruise. He's Ronnie Cruise. Howard said the guy is of his rocker and that's what's funny about it. Howard said he knew that from day one. He said he was just a driver but then he put him on the air and that's what escalated it. Howard said he has 4 catch phrases. They're things like
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has Ronnie as a client and he's not allowed to look him in the eye and things like that.
Howard asked Ronnie when he's getting his new car. Howard asked if he's too famous to be a driver. Ronnie said he's not. He said the Twitter thing was sarcastic. He said that he was joking with people about it. He said some were and most weren't on his side. Howard said there's some confusion on that. Howard asked how many followers he has. Ronnie said he has 191,000. Howard asked if he has the most out of the back office. Ronnie said JD and Gary have more than him. He said Gary doesn't follow him. Gary said he has a little over 400,000. Gary said he hasn't tweeted in weeks. Ronnie said JD has 200-something.
Howard said he figured Ronnie would have more followers than JD. He said maybe it's too controversial. Ronnie said he has a disclaimer on his account.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested getting a van limo from Mercedes. Ronnie said they've gone through that already. The caller said he has a resume to replace Ronnie. He said he's a veteran and he drives a prison bus. He said they have heat in the car. Howard said he got a lot of resumes yesterday. Fred said there were at least 3. Howard said Ronnie isn't getting fired. Ronnie said he's ready to retired so let him know. Howard asked if he's really ready to retire. Ronnie said he is. Howard said there's no way he'd retire. Howard said he hardly drives. He said he loves coming in there and hanging. Ronnie said he'll be done at the end of his contract. Howard said that's right. He said he's having fun now. Howard asked if he would retire if he told him to go back to being a driver. Ronnie said he's gone if that's what he wants. He said he's just at that point where he doesn't want to do that anymore.
Howard said he can barely get Ronnie to drive anymore. He said he's Ronnie the Diva. Howard said he thinks Ronnie is actually looking for a driver. Howard told the caller that.
Howard asked what they can call Ronnie now. He said he's in security. He said maybe Ronnie the Actor. Ronnie the Star maybe. Ronnie said no to the actor thing. Ronnie said he did some voice over stuff. He said they had a premiers he wasn't able to go to. He said it was for a cartoon. He said it's an internet cartoon. Howard said he'd give his left arm to do a cartoon. Ronnie said it was an Angry Met Fan cartoon. He said he joined SAG and now he gets screeners. Howard said you get all of the movies like that. Ronnie said he got Fences and Manchester by the Sea. He said it's sad but good. He said he got Arrival. Howard said that movie is so boring. He said that the saw it was nominated but it's the biggest piece of shit on the planet.
Ronnie said he liked Fences too. He explained what it was about. Howard asked if it's any good. Robin said the play is great. Ronnie said they made the movie a lot like the play. Howard asked if there's any nudity in it. Ronnie said no. Howard said he's not into it. He said maybe he should be Ronnie the Film Critic. The caller said Ronnie Ebert. Howard said he's in a cartoon. Ronnie said he got paid great money to do that. He said voice over people must do alright. He said he worked for 11 minutes and got $1500. Ronnie said they worked around his schedule too. He said he drove into the city and did the voice over. He left at 9 and he was home by 10:30. He said he had to go back and do another cut and they paid him again. Ronnie said he doesn't remember what his lines were.
Howard asked if the caller was on the moon because his phone was making so much noise. Howard said it must be scary driving a prison bus. He asked if the prisoners are behind the driver. The caller said that they are but they have 3 guards on the bus. Howard asked if they're in chains. The caller said they are. Howard asked if he's ever driven Manson. The caller said he hasn't because that's a state thing.
Howard asked if he drives the female prisoners. The caller said he works at one but the women aren't hot. He said they're not worth ruining your career over. Howard said there must be some hot ones. The caller said he can't even comment on that. Howard asked if they ever flirt. The caller said he disregards that. He said it's in one ear and out the other. Howard asked what kind of gun he carries. He said he carries a 9MM Ruger. Howard said look at you. He said that's old school. Howard said imagine that with the prisoners on the bus. Howard asked if they're only chicks on the bus. The caller said he has done both.
Howard asked how you get a job like that. The caller said you just apply. He said he had to go to an academy too. Howard asked if he voices any cartoons. The caller said no. He said he has no side jobs and he's not looking to be famous. Howard said that's what Ronnie was like too. Ronnie said Howard did create this monster. The caller said it is entertaining. Howard said the driving community does like Ronnie. Robin asked if they do. Howard said he just made that up.
Howard asked the caller, Spencer, if he has any catch phrases. Spencer said he doesn't. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard told him to be safe out there. Howard asked if he ever goes to strip clubs and yells stuff out. Spencer said that whole scene is weird. He's not into that stuff. Howard said he sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. Howard said Ronnie used to be a regular guy from queens. Ronnie said he was always nuts.
Howard asked if Spencer has ever done a bunch of weird stuff that Ronnie has admitted to. Spencer wasn't into any of that stuff. Howard said he sounds like a good guy. Howard brought up Ronnie jerking off to his parents having sex in a threesome. Howard asked if he thinks ''squirt'' is pee. Spencer said he thinks it is. He said he has nothing with skulls on it and no tattoos. Howard said this guy is pretty good. Howard asked if he curses at weddings inappropriately. Spencer said he's not into that. Howard asked if he has a purple pace car. Spencer doesn't and Ronnie said he's putting his up for sale. He said it's time to move on to something else. He said as soon as spring breaks he's putting it out.
Howard asked if Spencer washes his ass in a sink like Ronnie. Ronnie said he can't do it anymore with the sink they have. Howard said that is so disgusting. Howard said he should use baby wipes. Ronnie said he had to clean his ass somehow. Howard asked if he writes horrible poetry. Spencer said he doesn't do that. He's not into Cher either.
Howard asked how he proposed to his girlfriend. Spencer said he did that on a hill in San Francisco all by himself. Howard said he didn't need his help.
Howard asked if he ever tells his boss to go fuck himself. Spencer said he thinks about it but he never does. Howard said he's a good man. Howard let Spencer go a short time later. He let Ronnie go too. Ronnie said he should have his new car in February. Ronnie said yesterday it was so warm in the car he had to shut the heat off. Howard told him to look into the heat thing. Ronnie said he did. He said they didn't find anything wrong. Howard said he wants him to look into it. Ronnie said that he wasn't there. Howard said he was warm yesterday but he was only in the car for 5 minutes. Howard said on Saturday it was 5 hours. Howard said something happened.
Howard let Ronnie go and played some of his songs that he played earlier. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard played the clip and the internet radio show took Lee's call and he taught them some Japanese phrases. He said some lines like wanting to lick their balls and things like that. He taught them to say a phrase but it came out like ''I have musty cunt lips.'' He had them say another phrase that was like ''My hole prolapsed.'' He also had the host say ''I love when you fondle my jugs.''
Howard said he loves that show. He said you gotta love that Lee Kingsnatch. Howard said he saw that Jenna Bush Hager working for the Today show. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said she ran into her in the elevator there. Howard said you run into everyone there. Howard said she was covering the Golden Globes. He said she screwed up and said ''Hidden Fences'' instead of Hidden Figures or Fences. Howard said she got on the Today show and she was almost crying about getting it wrong. Howard said she was so upset. He said he wishes her father was that upset about Iraq. Howard played a clip of Jenna apologizing for screwing that up. She said she messed up and said ''Hidden Fences'' and she's sorry for that. She said she's not perfect but she's authentic. She said she didn't want to make anyone feel lesser than they are. She said it was a mistake and she hopes they can move on. Her co-hosts said they know her heart and that she didn't do it on purpose. Robin said they were both movies about black people and some people may have thought she was racist or something. Howard said you would have thought she killed a puppy. He said she should go to Oprah and apologize. Howard said that's what he'd do. He said even Mel Gibson hasn't apologized like that.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he heard about the sexual harassment charges against Casey Affleck. Howard said if he doesn't win the Oscar that will be the reason. Howard said he hasn't been found guilty of anything. Gary said it was settled out of court. He said he did a weird movie with Joaquin Phoenix and two woman who worked on it went to his house and one woman claims she was in his bed and she had to tell him to get away from her. She said they both said it was a hostile workplace and sued. Howard said that could cost him an Oscar.
Robin said she may have tired to address that in his speech at the Golden Globes. Howard said everyone has a beard now too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he heard Gary Kasparov talking about what a bad guy Putin is. Howard said he did. Robin said it's very dangerous for him to speak out like that too. Howard said Gary has put his life on the line. Howard said he's a great chess player. He said that he has spoken out about Putin. The caller said that there is so much evidence against Putin and he's not sure why people are so comfortable with what Trump says about Putin. Howard said someone was saying that it's great that we're trying to get along with them. Howard said it would be great if all of our enemies were our friends. He said that the Russians have a long history of trying to undermine our country. Howard said you have to keep an eye on this guy. Howard said every politician has to keep an eye on this. He said the Russians are bad fucking people. Howard said it would be great if we could get along with ISIS but that will never happen. Howard said Kim Jong Un wants to blow us up with a bomb. Howard said the guy hates us. He said that there are a lot of bad people in this world. Howard said that you hear about North Korea wanting to blow us up and you can't be friends with them. Howard said you can't trust them as far as you can throw them.
Howard said Putin hasn't shown one bit of restraint and he's an evil fucking guy. The caller brought up the hacking thing too. Howard said the hacking is real. He said if we believe this Wikileaks fucknut over our own FBI and CIA then we're in trouble. Howard said you're not an American if you believe that. Howard said if you think the FBI and CIA are out to get us then we're lost. Howard said if they're feeding us lies then the system is completely corrupt. Howard said he doesn't think it delegitimizes the Trump presidency but he has to punish the shit out of these fucks. Howard said there wouldn't be any Russian vodka on the shelves if that's the case. He said they have to export. He said that he'd fuck with them more than they fuck with us. Howard said this guy is a fucking dick. He asked when people are going to wise up. Robin said that's not wiseing up. She said that's what we've been doing as long as you can remember and it's never gotten us anywhere. Howard said he'd deport everybody. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked what's going on. Gary said they were having an issue with her. He said it's coming over now. Howard picked up on Petunia after Robin just mentioned that it was her pretending. Gary said he thinks that she just hung up. Gary said she's being a problem. Howard said get Tan Mom on the phone. He said maybe not Petunia. Gary said Petunia doesn't want Tan Mom to be dead. Howard told him to try to get her again. Howard said she's having second thoughts about the scam.
Howard played a clip of High Pitch Erik announcing what they have coming up on today's show. He mentioned him talking about The Bachelor and taking some calls.
Howard asked what he's doing. Gary said he's waiting for word on Tan Mom. Robin said she'd love to be in on the negotiation.
Howard took a call from a guy, Apples, who asked why he doesn't get a Sprinter van or something. Howard said he's on it. Apples also asked if Joey was jerking off when he died. Howard said he's not sure. He just heard that he was cold and slumped in a chair where his computer is. Howard said there was no indication if he was clothed or jerking off.
Howard took a call from this woman Petunia who was actually Tan Mom (Patricia) pretending to be her sister. Howard took the call and Petunia was crying and saying that Patricia died. Howard said oh my god. Petunia said she's at the hospital now. Howard asked if she has some kind of accent. She said she's Polish. Howard asked how she died. Petunia said that she was in a car accident yesterday. Howard asked if she's really dead. Petunia said she is. Howard said this is crazy. Howard said he has a death pool going on and Sal had her in the pool so he's going to collect the $1200. Petunia said that it's not about the money. She said she was visiting for the holiday. Petunia said she's going to be able to come in tomorrow for an interview. She said she's not able to speak.
Gary came in and said that Tan Mom was a monstrous pain in the ass. Petunia was still pretending to cry. She said Patricia was a dear woman. Gary said she was known as a pain in the ass and she was super nasty up there. He said she just wasn't very nice. Gary said he could live without her. Petunia was still crying.
Richard came in and said that he's sorry for her loss but she treated Sal like shit. He said he never liked the way she treated Sal. Howard said that she's not doing very well there. Howard asked if Tan Mom had a great tan. Gary said no. He said he saw a huge tan line and it was all splotchy. He said she was very pale in person.
Howard asked what Petunia thinks about that. Petunia said that's very mean. Howard asked if she's jealous of her sister. Petunia said that she mattered all her life. Howard asked if her tan was overrated. Petunia said yes. Gary said she was very pasty.
Howard asked if Tan Mom falling down on the red carpet at the birthday show ruined it. Petunia said that her shoes didn't fit.
Howard asked if Tan Mom was mean to Sal. Petunia said that Sal hit on her. Howard said they heard it the other way around. Petunia said no. Howard asked if she ever said she wanted to fuck Sal. Petunia said this isn't the time for this. She said she has to go. Gary said he's sorry that she's gone but she won't be missed.
Richard said Sal isn't sad that she's gone. Petunia said she thinks Gary should shut up. Gary said she had to know this about her sister. Howard asked if she had a happy marriage. Petunia said no. Howard said Tan Mom was a much better interview. Howard said Petunia isn't too talkative. Howard said you have to get that together for the air.
Howard asked who is better looking Petunia or Tan Mom. Petunia said that Patricia was. Howard asked if they can stuff her and keep her in the studio. Robin asked if she was badly injured in the accident. Petunia said she doesn't have any other information about her now. She said she's going to get cremated. Howard asked who had bigger tits. Petunia said she's very upset and she has to go.
Howard said he knows this is Tan Mom. She hung up. Howard asked if you can imagine Howard said she's a very good actress. Richard said she should get a Golden Globe. Howard said that was Tan Meryl Streep. Howard told Gary to get her on the phone so he can tell her they were hip to that.
Howard said he has the tape of Sal's call to her where he tells her to fake her own death. Howard said he's not sure why she was from Poland. Robin was wondering what was up with that. Howard said he thinks Sal and Tan Mom should be married. Howard said they planed their own crime. Howard said it would be so much fun for Sal. Howard said they must be having trouble getting her back on.
Scott came in and said that she should be on. Howard said he knew it was her the whole time. Tan Mom asked if he really did. Howard said Sal wanted to see if she would go along with that. Tan Mom said she would die for all of them.
Howard said he has the plotting of the scam to play. Howard played that and in the clip Sal called Patricia and told her about the death pool game they had going on. She knew about it because Shuli had called her about it. Sal told her his plan for that and said if she fakes her death they can split the money on the side. Sal told her that she can call in as her twin sister with a Polish accent. Sal had her do the accent for him. She did that and Sal asked her to say something in Polish. She made up something and just winged it. Sal had her just making up words. Patricia agreed to do it and asked when she's officially dead. Sal said it's when she calls in as her twin sister.
Howard said he said earlier that Patricia and Sal should be married. He said they're so in sync. Howard said it just worked. Howard said that she should have married Sal Governale. Patricia said that would be so much fun. She said they do have fun together. She said she loves them all there. She said she has to run to the dentist. Howard said he'll see her tomorrow. She's coming in to ride the Sybian. Gary said they're going to recreate the bit where Howard has a woman sit on a speaker. Howard said he did that like 30 years ago. He said in honor of that moment they're going to recreate it.
Gary said it happened in Washington DC in the movie but it was actually at WNBC. Robin said that it had to have happened in Washington. Howard said he did it at NBC again but he did it in Washington first. Howard said Tan Mom will be in tomorrow and he'll try to give her an orgasm. Howard said she's being rushed to the dentist because she slipped on black ice and she broke her teeth. Tan Mom said she doesn't want to talk about it. She said she will see him tomorrow and asked him not to keep her in the green room for hours. Howard asked how many teeth she lost. She said it's just one on the side. She said it's no big deal. Howard let her go. He told her to hang up first. She hung up.
Howard said that was really good when she was her Polish sister. Howard said he hopes she's tan tomorrow. He said she is the most tan person he's ever seen. Howard said he thinks it's funny that people want to be tan. They think they look better. Howard said you really don't. Robin asked if he has ever seen someone look better. Howard said in college he wasn't able to score with anyone. He said he got a hair cut and a tan and he may have been red. He said that he had new clothes and a tan and no one thought he looked better. He said if you're ugly a tan isn't going to help. Howard said George Hamilton thinks the tan helps but he's just a good looking guy. He said he's a fucking maniac. Robin said she's seen some people who could look better with some color.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he helped him build a bird house in the 4F club. Howard said he gets that a lot from people. He said he was never in 4F. Robin said that she gets that too. Howard said it's just not true. Robin said one woman was convinced by her mother that they were good friends. Howard said he believes she was. Robin said she didn't know who this person was.
Howard asked if they need a break. Fred said they do. Howard played a clip of one of the guys on the street asking for advice on what to buy his daughter for Christmas. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said this was so good. He said David Bowie was actually there. Fred said today would have been his 70th birthday. Howard said he smoked like a fiend. Howard said he played the song because he had to go pish. Howard said his father used to lecture him about pishing on the way to the city. He said he had to go because they weren't going to stop. Howard did his impression of his parents telling him about pishing before they left. Howard said he was a 16 year old at the time.
Howard took a call from Wolfie. Howard said he saw him at the Christmas party. Howard said they had a little conversation there. Wolfie said they talked about Steve from Florida. Howard said that's right. It was about Bobo or Steve from Florida.
Howard said Wolfie went to this Free Your Mind conference. Howard said these people believe in conspiracy theories. Howard said it's a lot of people who don't have any facts so the make stuff up. Wolfie said they make Jesse Ventura seem reasonable. Howard said they believe in aliens and 9/11 conspiracies among other things. Howard said they have conferences on things like how porn directors put spells on the movies to get people to buy into it.
Howard said this guy says that his parents were satanic rapists. Howard played that clip and the guy said they were in the Illuminati and they did mind control and satanic rituals among other things. Howard said his parents weren't so bad compared to this guy's.
Howard played more of this guy talking about what happens in an Illuminati family and how you're in a trance for the first 6 years of your life. He said he was raped too. Howard said this guy sounds like he has something going on up there.
Wolfie said he should have this guy on the show. He said he might open up to Howard. Howard said he's sure he could do a whole show just analyzing one sentence that guy said. He mentioned something about a hypnogogic trance that they were trying to figure out.
Wolfie said this guy is like the Riley Martin of the Illuminati. Howard said he's not sure he'd want to be in the Illuminati if that's the way they treat their kids. Howard said what a great fucking convention. He asked if everyone was out of their minds. Wolfie said some people are really far out there.
Howard said this woman thinks the mass shootings at Sandy Hook were staged by the government. Howard played audio of her talking to Wolfie about the Sandy Hook thing. She said that there are still questions about if it happened or not. She said that it looked planned to her. Howard said this woman sounds reasonable talking about this. Howard asked if she looked odd. Wolfie said some of the people were odd looking but many were normal looking.
Howard played another clip of a guy saying that he's not sure if the holocaust happened because he doesn't have enough information. The guy was talking about how it doesn't really matter right now. He said he's not focusing on that stuff right now. Howard said they have facts about aliens but not on the holocaust. Wolfie said there are pictures so you'd think that would be enough evidence.
Howard said he has a woman on the phone who is saying they're not being fair to the convention. Howard took the call and the woman said she has been to a conference and she's going to another in April. She said Howard isn't being fair. She said that if he did his homework he'd see. Howard said these people do sound like they're out of their minds. The caller said she isn't going to vouch for all of these people. She said that if people did their homework they'd learn something valuable. Howard said he believes history and that the earth is round and that the holocaust happened. Howard said he doesn't believe that aliens exist until he sees them show up.
The caller said if Howard didn't just dismiss it maybe he'd believe. Howard asked what she believes in. She said she's not going to go into that. She said she doesn't put thought into aliens. She said she has looked into other things. Howard asked what she has learned at the convention. The caller said that the media is controlled by people who have an agenda. Robin asked who these people are. The caller laughed. Howard said she's laughing at herself. Howard said Stacy is referring to the Jews. Howard asked if he's right. Stacy told Howard to free his mind. She asked who owns the media. Howard said go ahead. She said if you have an open enough mind to entertain the fact that there may be a reason to control people's mind... Howard said she's a kook. Howard asked who these people are. Stacy said that most of them are Zionist Jews. Howard said now they're getting somewhere. Howard said that's why the Jews are doing so great in the world. Robin asked why they're controlling people to hate them. Howard thanked her for the call. Stacy told Howard to free his mind. Howard said he's going to free his mind and hope she gets locked in a mental institution.
Howard got back to Wolfie and said this guy is a vendor there. He's selling healing crystals. Howard said that girl on the phone was Mel Gibson's dream girl. Howard asked if there were any hot girls there. Wolfie didn't remember any. He said he doesn't think there were. Howard said this guy is selling crystals. In the clip Wolfie asked if there is one that helps with constipation. The guy said he did have one that was black. Howard said he needs one to make his schlong bigger. He said this guy sounds like Ben Carson. Howard said he saw Ben Carson walk into a party he was at. Howard said he was only there for 10 minutes. He said he didn't get to see what he was up to. Howard said he just had to get out of that party. He begged his wife to let him leave.
Howard said he saw Robin wearing some kind of metal balls behind her ears at some point. Robin said she has done those things but she's not stuck like these people are.
Howard played another clip of a guy saying that the Obamas are clones of some ancient family. He said that they're an exact match to this family from 2500 BC.
Howard asked Wolfie if he felt like he was in a mental institution. Wolfie said they think this stuff is real. Howard said it's scary. Robin asked what the purpose is. Robin said they must think that everyone else is a kook. Howard said that guy must have said the ''Akanatan'' 7 times in that 30 second clip. He replayed it to hear how many times he said it. It was actually 5 in 33 seconds. Howard said he says that's King Tut's family according to that guy. Robin said this is like religion because you stick with it and you can have millions of followers.
Howard said the W in George W Bush stands for Wolfman. He said he's a direct descendant of Lon Chaney. Howard said Bush has 46 toes too. He said you'll never see it because he never takes off his shoes. Howard said that Tim Caine was a hobbit. He said he lived in middle earth. Howard said that guy vanished so he must have gone back to middle earth.
Howard said that this next guy is 92 and he believes that he's part of an alien race. Howard played that clip and the guy said that there are 13 families that own the world. He mentioned a bunch of aliens and he's part of the Pleadian race himself. Robin said they're doing a poor job of freeing us if that's what they're here for.
Robin asked if Wolfie ever confronts these people. Wolfie said that's not his job. Howard said you don't think that crazy people live that long but Charles Manson is still around. He said he's 80-something. Howard said that guy is going to live out his life sentences. Howard said it's good that this guy has a hobby to keep him busy.
Howard said this next guy gets worked up about vaccines. Howard played that clip and the guy was talking about how we became so stupid about vaccines because they inject mercury and aluminum into babies. He said they shoot formaldehyde too. He said fuck you to big pharma. Howard said he had an unusual way of saying aluminum.
Howard said he's not sure why people buy into the mind control thing. Howard said a lot of attendees have taken Ayahuasca. Howard played a clip of a guy talking about taking it and how shitting was like a fountain coming out of his ass. Howard said he wouldn't be laughing. The guy said all he got out of it was the shits. Howard said Robin threw up and shit at the same time. Howard said that was in Peru. Robin said it happened like 20-30 minutes after taking it. Howard asked if her shit was runny. Robin said she was hallucinating so she doesn't know. Howard asked if she vomited into a bucket. She said she had a sink and a bucket. She said she vomited into the bucket and shit in the toilet. Howard asked if she was scared. Robin asked what she had to be scared of. She said she wasn't afraid. She said you're hallucinating the whole time.
Howard asked if the Shamen helped her or was he too important. Robin said he helps. She said he was there the whole time outside the bathroom. Howard asked if they had toilet paper. Robin said they had corn husks. She was joking. Howard asked if she was scared at all. Robin said she just wanted to sit because of the hallucinating. Wolfie asked if she shit herself at all. Robin said she did not. Howard asked her in detail what the shit was like. Robin said it was just one big whoosh. Howard asked if she was nude during this. Robin said she was clothed. Howard said she should be at the Free Your Mind convention. He said she'd fit right in.
Howard asked Robin what she learned after taking Ayahuasca. Robin said she learned that you should be authoring your life and not on beliefs that are handed to you when you get here. Howard said she learned to create your own story. Robin said you are the author of your own life. Howard said that's what you learn in Westworld.
Howard did his Peruvian accent which was his Indian accent. He talked to Robin as the Shamen who helped her. Howard said the answers are in your doody. Howard said that she's going to take Ayahuasca and learned that she can shit and puke at the same time. Robin said people learn that from drinking too. Robin said the voice sounds like the person she got on the phone to help with her computer the other day.
Howard kept going with the voice and told Robin what shitting and puking means to you when you take that stuff. He said she shit so much the bowl was stained. Robin laughed. Howard said that she's going to write her own story in her own shit. He said the more she shits the lighter she becomes. He said she'll be a fire hydrant of shit.
Howard said that this guy think George Bush senior had sex with corpses. Howard played that clip and the guy said he thinks that Howard Stern might be an alien too.
Howard said he used to tell the kids he was an alien. He said he told them a whole story about that. Howard said that Sean Young was there and Wolfie ran into her. Wolfie said she was one of the keynote speakers there. Howard played Wolfie's interview with Sean. She said she thinks that 9/11 was an inside job. Sean was telling Wolfie about being black listed and how that is a thing in Hollywood. She said she believes she was black listed but she has no way of knowing for sure.
Howard said if you can make money in the movies they won't black list you. He said look at Mel Gibson. Robin said look at Casey Affleck. Howard said what gets you black listed is turning 40. He said that will do it.
Howard said Sean was hired to be Vicky Vale in the Tim Burton Batman but she broke her arm and had to back out of it. Howard said she must be pissed about that.
Howard said he remembers Sean running around in some back lot as Bat Girl. Gary said she did that on some TV shows and acted really weird.
Howard said it sounds like Wolfie had a good time at that convention. Wolfie said he learned a lot. Howard thanked him for doing that. Howard said he met Wolfie's wife at the Christmas party. Wolfie said Howard said hello to him and then he put his arm around him like he was going to hug him but then he tapped his arm and backed off. Howard said he just came over and asked how he was doing. He said he wasn't looking to put his arms around him. Wolfie said he made the move and then didn't do it. Howard said he was doing so well and now this. Robin said Wolfie is the one who is wondering what he should do.
Howard said what he was probably trying to do was signal security to get him away from him. Howard said he wonders if he's part of the crew or is he a Wack Packer. Howard said it's weird how he created a whole back story. Howard said he just wished him a Merry Christmas and a happy new year. Wolfie said all he did was say that he tapped his arms. Howard said he didn't do anything weird. Wolfie found whatever it was he did kind of odd.
Robin dropped a can of seltzer in her booth. Howard asked what it was and said she really loves that seltzer. Howard said he drinks Perrier because it's from a natural spring. Robin asked if he really believes that. Howard said he does. He said he should go to the convention.
Howard wondered how many people Wolfie told that story to about wanting to hug him. Wolfie said he doesn't think he told anyone. Howard told him to make sure he's not at the next Christmas party. Wolfie said alright. Howard said he will make sure to avoid him next time.
The caller said his dad doesn't even know why he did it to him. Gary said Will is going to come in and tell him about some problems he's having with his son.
Will came in and said he was circumcised and he was passionate about not doing it to his child. He said his son is 5 years old and he still has to clean his penis when he takes a bath. He said it's awkward. He said he's 5 and he won't do it himself. He said it's a whole thing now. Robin said Will is the one making a big deal out of it. Howard said he still cleans Fred's penis. Fred said he did that himself when he was young. He said he caught on early.
Howard said when Will is pulling the foreskin of a 5 year old back that's weird. Robin said he has to stop at some point. Howard asked Will what this guy should do. Will said he says no philosophically but it is more work than he thought it would be. Howard said he wonders what it would be like to have sex with a foreskin.
Howard did an impression of his dad telling him it's time to clean his cock. The caller said he's not sure what to do. Howard said he has a physician's assistant on the phone to talk about this. Will said that Gary did it to have his kids fit in. He said to get over this ridiculous thing they have to stop thinking like that. Gary said he didn't do it and bully Will. Howard said the real culprits are women. He said women see that uncircumcised cock and they run. Howard said it's hard enough to get laid. Howard said a lot of women won't touch that thing.
Sal came in and said that Howard is right. He said there are women who wouldn't date him again after seeing his cock. Howard asked if that's really the reason. Howard said there is porn out there where women make fun of an uncircumcised cock. Howard had a clip of the porn where this woman was insulting the guy's uncircumcised penis. She went on and on talking about how gross it is. Howard had a few clips that he played of this woman going on and on about how gross the guy's penis is.
Sal said he used to rubber band his foreskin back so it appeared to be circumcised. Howard asked if he can do that for them now. Sal said he can. He did that and showed what it looks like with the foreskin held back. Sal said it cut off the circulation a little bit. Sal demonstrated for Howard how he does it. Robin wasn't looking so Howard told her she has to see it. Howard said it looks so painful. Howard said he's lucky he didn't lose his cock. Sal said he'd use green rubber bands from the Pizzeria. He said they were used on broccoli. Sal pulled it all back and showed it. Sal said that's what it looked like. He said he was so insecure about that and he figured he could get past that and talk about the rubber band instead. He said he did that so the girl wouldn't see his foreskin if he was soft.
Howard said this is crazy. He asked if Robin saw that. Robin said he has a rubber band around his cock. Sal said he could wear that all day.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were calling in as Will's son. The kid asked his dad to bring home a rubber band for him. He said he's putting M&Ms in his pouch too.
Howard said he wonders what he would have done if he had a son. Howard said they don't anesthetize a kid when they cut him either. Gary said kids don't remember it. Howard said that stress is in your subconscious. Gary said they should be better people if they're uncircumcised then. Will said you're numbing the kid's penis. Sal said he thinks the sex is better because he doesn't even have to use lube when he jerks off. Howard said he doesn't use any. Gary said he doesn't either. Gary said a guy called the Wrap Up Show yesterday and said he got circumcised at 40 and he doesn't think the feeling is any different.
Howard took a call from a woman, Amy, who is a physician's assistant. She said that Will's son should be left alone. She said he'll touch himself and get it done on his own. Will said he didn't know that. Howard said it is weird that he pulls back the foreskin. Howard said he admires what Will did. Amy said that as long as he takes a bath he shouldn't have to do anything. Will said that he worries about touching his penis every bath. He said the doctor told him to clean it. Howard said he's a little too involved with he kid. Sal asked where his wife is in all of this. Will said he thought that would be even weirder.
Howard asked Amy again what she thinks Will should do. She kept saying Will's son's name and Will found that kind of creepy. Howard said he doesn't even know the kid's name or that he has a son and a daughter. Will asked Amy to stop using his name.
Howard said the kid should be pulling his own foreskin back. Sal told Robin to get over there and pull his back. Howard asked if he's Casey Affleck now. Howard said he can't believe that story about Casey. Howard asked if that will keep him from the Oscar. Everyone said no.
Howard asked the caller what he's going to do with his kid. The caller said he's still not sure. Sal said he should keep it. He said that's what he would do at this point in his life. Will said that Howard should tell this guy that he should keep it like he did for him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was engaged to someone who had a late in life circumcision. She said he was 17. She said one night he dropped tour and it still smelled. Howard said he probably just had smelly ass. Howard said if he's circumcised he still has to wash. She said it is all about hygiene. She said that's what it's all about. Howard said that's why girls don't know what to do with a penis like Sal's.
Howard asked if you tug the foreskin back when it's erect. Robin said it gets pulled back. Fred said it's like a convertible.
Robin read online that it can take 5-10 years for the foreskin to break free. Will said this could have saved him some trouble.
Howard said he thinks circumcision is probably wrong. He said that they learned that Will shouldn't be cleaning his son's cock. Sal said he would have done it until he was 16. Will said he's fine that he doesn't have to mess with his kid's junk. Gary said he felt bullied by Will. Will said Gary was wrong for saying that he had his son's circumcised so they fit in. He asked if he'd cut off his kid's earlobe if everyone did that. Gary said he didn't want them to go to school and wonder what's going on there.
Howard said if he had a son he's not cleaning his cock. He said he'd leave that to his wife. Will said that Howard probably had his wife deal with things with his daughters. He said he would rather be the one cleaning his son. He said that's not something for his wife. Howard told Robin that his mom and dad cleaned his cock. He told hit to her in different ways and asked which one sounded more normal.
Robin read more about the foreskin cleaning on the internet. Sal said that dogs don't have anyone to clean their cocks. He said they lick it. Sal told Will to lick his son's clean.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the chances of getting an STD are higher with uncircumcised men. He said if you're kind of sloppy then you should snip them. Howard said he lost track of what that guy was saying 10 seconds in.
Howard said that the bottom line is that the caller, Shane, called in. He asked what he's going to do. Shane said he'd damned if he does or damned if he doesn't. Howard said he sees what he's saying. He said that he could see his son go through life one way or the other. He said that he could have problems either way. Robin said she thinks he should leave it alone.
Sal asked Shane what his wife wants. Shane said she's leaving it up to him. Howard said he has a guy on the phone who said he was circumcised at 18 and it's the greatest thing. Howard took the call and the guy said that guys would make fun of his dick in the locker room. He said women would make fun of him too. He said the best thing was to have it cut. Robin said there is no rational reason other than people saying things. Sal said he got that too. He said he heard it looked like an ant eater all the time.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's dating a guy was asked to get circumcised because his wife wanted it done before he got married.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the girls love his cock and he's 10 inches and uncircumcised. He said it goes in easier because it's uncircumcised. Howard said he doesn't get that. The guy said the skin rolls back when it's going into the pussy. Howard said he's never heard that.
Howard said a lot of women love it according to that guy. Howard said he has Dr. Fisch on the phone to talk about it too. Dr. Fisch said that Will should not have to clean his son's penis. He said it can cause more harm than good. Howard said he can see that. Howard said his son can take a bath and things will rinse out. Dr. Fisch said that when you get older it can be a problem. He said if you can't bring the turtleneck over the head of the penis then there can be problems. Howard asked if he's for it or against it. Dr. Fisch said he's not for it or against it. He said it's more of a religious thing. He said his own son is circumcised. Will said there is no good reason to do it.
Howard said there is no good answer to this. Robin said there is a good answer. She said how about chopping one of your kid's fingers off. Howard said that he's done with this. He let Shane go and said he can make up his own mind about that.
Howard asked Sal if he took the rubber band off. Sal said his cock was turning purple so he had to take it off. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he was talking to Ronnie again about the car. Howard said he sees that he's not the only one who has problems with their driver. Howard said they arrested Kim Kardashian's limo driver in connection with her robbery. Howard said they used DNA to find that out. Howard said Dexter was always with the DNA stuff on that show.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn took a big hit in the email. He had her on the phone. Howard read some email about her being the worst caller of all time and even worse than King of All Blacks and Steve from Florida. Howard said it was terrible email. Mariann said she has a thick skin. She said the problem is that she lashes out at Benjy and she gets a lot of feedback and that fuels her fire.
Howard said there are a lot of people who want Benjy left out of the studio. Howard read a few of those. Mariann said that she hears things behind the scenes but Benjy was late quite a few times there and at K-Rock. She said it ruins the whole atmosphere of the show. Howard said they've taken care of that.
Mariann said she loves that Beth has two feral cats that they have socialized. Howard said they were out at a restaurant and winter was coming. He said he told Beth he saw a cat and they got some people to help trap them. Howard said they caught Fig and Dumpling. Howard said they were hissing at them and it was really weird. Howard said they weren't domesticated in any way. Howard said Beth started working with them and the other day they were able to touch them. He said one was purring. He said that's not normal for a feral cat. Robin said they don't purr in the wild. She said no cats do. Mariann wished Howard a happy birthday before Howard hung up on her.
Robin said she was reading an article about Norway and she thinks Howard would love it but he won't go. Howard said no way he'd go to Norway. Robin said they have the Northern Lights there and that stuff doesn't happen in his living room. Howard said he hasn't even been to Jersey that much. He said he could go to New Jersey, upstate New York or Connecticut. Howard asked what the northern lights are. Robin gave Howard a little explanation.
Howard had Gonzo Shitcock on the phone. He said he's circumcised by the way. He said he's a little worried about High Pitch Erik. He said he's posted a bunch of food videos on Facebook today. He said he's done like 4 in the last 30 minutes. Howard wondered what that's all about. Howard wondered if he could literally explode from eating all of that food. Gonzo said he's not sure what's going on with Erik. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin said when she was a kid she saw people driving through a tree in California. Robin said it was a Sequoia tree. Robin said it was so wide they carved out a part of the tree. Robin said the cars haven't been going through it for a couple of years but the carving was made in the 1880s. Robin said the tree blew over in some of the storms last week in California. Howard said that happens when you cut a hole in a tree. Robin said they made it a tunnel and people drove through it.
Robin said that Conan O'Brien's contract is up with TBS at the end of this year. Robin said people are thinking he may go to YouTube. Howard said he's negotiating a contract. Howard said he has to have other players. Howard said he read somewhere that they were thinking about cutting him back to one show a week. Howard said they must plant the story about YouTube. Robin said he has 46 million YouTube channel subscribers. Howard said it might be a good move then. Robin said that he does have the youngest demographic out of the late night hosts. Howard said the idea is to get paid. Howard said he likes Conan. He likes Andy Richter too. Gary said Andy Richter is going to have his own game show. He said they have super fans come on who think they know celebrities the best. Howard said that sounds like something they've done on this show. Robin said they have.
Howard said Conan has 4.6 million followers, not 46 million. Robin read that wrong. Howard said if he had 46 million he wouldn't need TBS.
Robin read about the Casey Affleck court case where two women accused him of creating a hostile work environment. Robin said that Casey can't comment on the case but the women's claims are online. Howard asked how many Affleck there are. Robin said she's only aware of the two brothers. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read more about the Kim Kardashian robbery thing and talked to Howard about that. Howard said there are bad people out there looking to take shit. Robin said the robbers had two women trailing her. Robin read some other details about the robbery and how they're still trying to find where that stuff ended up.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said the cops were there again. Howard said that's because he goes the web and smokes weed. Jeff said he didn't do anything this time. He said he went in limited chat and not in public. Howard said he should talk to the police about this. He said there are people out there who like to get him in trouble. Jeff said he'll get locked up if he says that. Howard said he has to say that there are people after him and trying to annoy him. Jeff said he tells them that all the time. Howard said how about stopping the periscope thing. Jeff said he's not going to let the trolls win. Howard let him go after that.
Robin read a story about what the averages costs of raising a child costs. Robin said it's up to 235,510. Robin asked if that's what people realize that's what they are taking on. Howard said that's how much Will said it costs for cock soap alone. Robin said it's even more expensive in the city. Howard said he sees what people spend on their kids going to private school. He said it's like 50 grand a year. Robin said that's not even housing or food. Robin said the 235,000 was only to raise a child to the age of 17. That doesn't include college.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was circumcised but he got a Staph infection and it was pretty traumatic. He said he had a son 18 months ago and did research on that. He said his wife was against not having circumcision. He said they ended up doing it after much debate. He said it was less traumatic than he thought. He said they've had no issues at all. Howard thanked him for the call. He asked who gives a fuck. He said he wasn't going anywhere with the story. Howard said he was waiting to hear some problems. Fred played Ronnie saying ''Good for you. Nobody gives a shit.''
Howard said this is why he doesn't like parties. He said on the phone he can hang up on someone. He said at a party you can't just hang up on someone. He has no time for stories that don't go anywhere. Howard said he hears small talk and he zones out. He said people think they're interesting and they're not. He said 95 percent of people are not interesting. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about diplomats and getting diplomatic immunity in the country where you are. Robin said a guy was arrested for grinding on a woman in the subway but they had to let him go because of his immunity. Robin said the guy was from Sudan. Howard said maybe Trump can change that. Robin said then it becomes a whole thing. Robin said that we get it in other countries as well. Howard asked if the guy can go back to grinding in the subway. Robin said why not. He has no reason not to. Howard said Bill Cosby should have been a diplomat. Robin said there was another guy who beat up his wife and he had immunity so the cops had to let him go too.
Robin read a story about the guy who shot up the airport. Robin said it infuriated her that he was on camera yesterday. She said he shouldn't even be there.
Robin read a story about the Amazon Echo and how a young girl was able to order things without her parents permission. A news channel did a story about it and it caused Alexa to try to order things when it heard the news story.
Howard played a clip of Alexa listening to a baby girl asking Alexa to play something and it thinks that she was asking for porn stuff. Howard said Gary claims it's real. In the clip Alexa heard it as some kind of dildo or something. Robin asked if Siri would do that. Howard said he thinks Apple is all uptight and it won't do that. Howard asked Siri to look up YouPorn.com. Siri said she doesn't understand. Howard told it to go to YouPorn.com and it said it's not able to find it. Howard said they have to fix that.
Robin read a story about some parents who overdosed in front of their 3 year old and 9 month old in White Castle. Robin said the parents have to stay away from the kids until they go through rehab. Howard said even worse is that the kids had to eat White Castle.
Robin said the threat from North Korea that they can send a missile to the United States is real but it's not clear if we can intercept a missile. Howard said that's what they were talking about in the 7 o'clock hour. Howard said Russia isn't our friend or Putin isn't. He said Kim Jong Un isn't either. He said there are countries out there who want to end our way of living. Howard asked Fred to play Robin's music for him. Fred did that.
Robin read more about the missile and how we're not sure if we could intercept one launched from North Korea.
Robin read a story about the pope saying that women should breast feed during mass if they have to. Howard said of course they should. Robin said that they must have been just letting them cry. Robin said it's just like the circumcision thing. Robin said we are so weirded out by nature.
Robin read a story about the richest man in Asia who wants to work with Donald Trump to create jobs in the U.S. Robin said this guy runs the web site Alibaba.com.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump naming his son in law a senior advisor. Robin read about what his role will be and how it won't change much from what he's been doing. Howard said the guy must be smart because he got Ivanka. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Spoken Word Robin who had a poem to read. The guys had Robin talking about her new year's resolutions to watch more porn and things like that.
Robin read a story about President Obama doing his final address to the country tonight. Robin had some audio of someone talking about Obama still working on the speech. Robin had some audio of Michelle Obama thanking her husband for what he's done for them.
Robin read about how people have been sending in donations after hearing Meryl Streep's speech at the Golden Globes.
Robin read a story about Debbie Reynolds and the official reason for her death was a stroke. Robin said she died one day after her daughter Carrie Fisher died. Howard said that's something. He said her daughter died and then she died of a broken heart in a sense. Robin said you expect that to be a heart attack. Howard said maybe it was a coincidence but he doubts it. Howard said he's been there 4 hours and he's lost his mind.
Robin read a story about Yahoo and how they're going to change to Altaba. Howard said that's the worst idea he's ever heard. Robin said that Verizon is buying them for nearly 5 billion dollars.
Robin said they say that the guy who shot up the Ft. Lauderdale airport may have targeted New York first. Robin said they're not sure why he went to Ft. Lauderdale. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how crazy it is around there. He said that Scott Schmaren is there and they have a whole thing planned. He said he just hypnotized Ronnie and said he should wake up feeling good and happy. He said Ronnie is out in the hall going berserk. He said he's telling everyone he loves them. Robin said it worked too well. Howard said that really works.
Howard asked if Robin wants to see Ronnie. Robin did so Howard brought him in. Ronnie came in all happy and asking if everyone was good. Ronnie said he's doing great. Howard said he's never seen him in a mood like this. Ronnie said he doesn't know what the fuck is going on but everyone is happy. He said Shuli is out there laughing. He said Sal is out there too. He started laughing. Ronnie said Sal was out there spraying his head like his mother used to do with Aquanet. Howard said he thought they were out of business. He said that's like a 100 year old product. Ronnie said Sal is out there spraying it like crazy.
Howard said everyone is in a good mood out there. Ronnie said everyone is laughing and carrying on. Howard said Ronnie is really up beat. He said he's come a long way since his ''What's your problem'' days. Ronnie said this office is the best. Howard said his new slogan is ''There is no problem!''
Ronnie said Robin puts out really weird tweets. He asked if she's putting them out. Robin said she's there with him. Ronnie said she puts out stuff about food and how you should eat and some of it is weird. Robin said it's health stuff. Howard said she's trying to become... Ronnie threw out ''A guru'' but he said it ''Goru.''
Howard asked if they can have a Ronnie like this full time. Scott Schmaren said they can do that. Howard said he would love a Ronnie like this. He said he's like a sponge. Howard asked if he's the best patient. Scott said he is a good subject.
Howard asked if Ronnie is okay with Brent. Ronnie said they made up at Christmas. He said they shook hands there at the party. He said Brent got married to his girlfriend. He didn't know that. He said they were all hanging out. Howard asked if he's no longer a rat. Ronnie said he's still a rat but they made up. He said it's all good now. He said they were in the hall laughing together.
Howard asked why he didn't tell him this. Ronnie said it was the same day at work before the Christmas story. Howard asked if he still hates King of All Blacks. Ronnie said fuck that guy. He said that guy is a dick. He said him and his Moen faucets and his bullshit suits and fur coats. He said he doesn't wish anything bad on him but he can go fuck himself.
Howard said Scott Schmaren is there on the couch. He said he's a hypnotist. Howard said Ronnie wasn't in a great mood but he is now. Ronnie said he's usually like fuck this place. He said he felt this good last time Scott was there. He said it's like weed. Ronnie said Shuli said that this is like the time they were at a comedy show and he had some shit in the chocolate chip cookies. He said in the middle of the night he was laughing at the top of his lungs. He said Shuli heard him and asked what the fuck was wrong with him.
Scott said all he did was get him ready for this and told him to be happy and he was going to tell everyone he loves them. That's what they got. Howard asked if he's the easiest guy to work with. Scott said he is. Howard asked if he wants to be in a bad mood. Ronnie said don't start that shit.
Howard said he should record this stuff for terrorists. Howard asked what blocks Ronnie from being like this every day. Scott said nothing is stoping him. Ronnie said he's going to give him something to listen to in his iPod so he can wear it all the time. He said it's fucking great feeling like this.
Howard asked if Scott is working a lot. Scott said it's good. Ronnie said it should be good after today. Howard said Scott does one on one coaching. He said you can contact him at Scott@Ultimatevisionary.com. Ronnie said he wants to see a commission check after this.
Howard said this is fantastic. He said Ronnie must have happy thoughts about him finding his parents in a threesome. Ronnie didn't remember that. Ronnie asked what they were talking about. Robin said he remembers the threesome story. Ronnie didn't know what was going on. Scott said it should still be there. Howard said maybe happy Ronnie doesn't want to remember. He said maybe it damaged him. Ronnie asked what the fuck is wrong with Howard. Howard said he told them a story about coming home from school and finding his parents. Ronnie said he's not Scott. Ronnie said Scott told him not to answer anything unless he tells him to.
Howard had Ronnie sit down on the couch. Scott had Ronnie go to the deep place he was in earlier. He told him to go deeper and deeper. Howard said Scott shut him down like the robots on Westworld. Howard told Scott to ask him about he threesome thing. Howard said maybe instead of that he can ask him about the woman on the speaker thing he did in Private Parts. He told Scott to have Ronnie be a pretty lady who goes over to the speaker and has an orgasm. Howard played him the scene from Private Parts where he did this vibrating speaker thing.
Howard said Tan Mom was supposed to come in and do it today but he's not sure if she's going to show up. He said they got a weird voicemail from her. Howard told Scott to have Ronnie do it instead. Scott told Ronnie what he's going to do. He said he's going to be a woman and he's going to be madly in love with Howard. He said he's home listening to Howard on the radio and he's got him on the phone. He said this is the fantasy he's always had. He said Ronnie is going to feel a tingling sensation in his body and he'll be aroused sexually and he'll have the biggest orgasm of his life. He told Ronnie he's going to count to three and have him wake up. He said he's going to get Howard on the phone and he'll tell him what to do.
Scott brought Ronnie out of it and Howard took a phone call. It was Ronnie acting like he was on the phone. Howard spoke to Ronnie who said he's a smoking hot chick. He said he's 5'10'' with dirty blonde hair. Howard asked if he's hot like Colonel Sanders. Ronnie asked Who? He said he has 36 D breasts and he's like a farm girl. Howard asked if he grew up on a farm. Ronnie said he's a girl next door type. He said he's not milky looking. He said he has a tan. He said he's up for anything. He said he does anal or anything Howard wants. He started laughing and said he's 28 years old. He said his name is Jamie. Howard asked Jamie to do a favor for him and sit on his radio speaker so he can hum into it and give him an orgasm. Ronnie said anything he wants. He said he was wearing a pair of Pink brand thongs. He said he has some furry boots on too. Ronnie laughed. Howard asked why he's laughing. Ronnie said he was laughing at furry boots. He said they're really hot looking like he's going to the ski slope.
Howard asked if he has a nice pussy. Ronnie said he has a smooth pussy and it doesn't puff out like some do. He said he has a very flat stomach too. He said he has a nice bubble ass and it's not too firm like a rock. Howard asked if he shaves his asshole. He said he doesn't have to. He said he doesn't have hair on his asshole. He said his pussy is perfect too. Howard asked if he has hair on that pussy. Ronnie said it's got a little V of hair. He said he has a big clit that sticks out. Howard asked if he gets it caught on his zipper. Ronnie said it's not that big. He said he likes when the guys or girls suck on it.
Howard asked if Ronnie is wet now. He said not right now. Howard asked if Jamie ever squirts. Ronnie said he does for the right person. He said that he's not sure if it's pee or not. He said he doesn't want to know. Howard asked Jamie to get on the speaker nude and squat there so he can get ''her'' off.
Ronnie got on the speaker and Howard asked if he knows JD. Ronnie said he knows him. Howard asked if JD has asked him to do anything weird. Ronnie said no. He said they're just friends. Howard asked if anyone from the show has fucked him. Ronnie said no. Howard asked if he wants to fuck anyone from the show. Ronnie said no. He said he likes the bad boys. Howard asked what her fantasy man is. Jamie said Jason Statham. He said he loves all of his movies. He said she will beat anyone's ass who speaks badly about him. Howard asked what he would do to him. Ronnie said they would do everything. Howard asked if he would make her squirt. Ronnie let out a laugh. He said he'd do anything he wants. Howard said he probably has a big cock. Ronnie said he would eat his asshole too.
Howard said now he's going to hum into the microphone and the speaker will vibrate. Howard said if he orgasms that's fine. Howard said if he squirts he squirts. Howard said they can do their thing. Ronnie said he has his Pinks on. Howard said keep that thong on and maybe they'll soak it up. Ronnie said Howard is so funny. Howard asked if he ever fucks black guys. Ronnie said anything is possible. Howard said look at you. He said she's hot. Ronnie said don't ever tell him he's not hot. Howard asked if he could put his finger in him. Ronnie said sure. He said he loves celebrities. Howard asked if he can put his thumb in her ass and his other finger in her pussy and use her like a bowling ball. Ronnie said he knows exactly what to do.
Howard said what a good girl. Howard said he has a great laugh. Jamie thanked him. Howard said he can stick his nose right up her ass. Ronnie said that won't happen because that's not fun.
Howard said this is in honor of the 30th anniversary of the first time he did this. He's going to hum into the microphone and Jamie is going to sit on her speaker. Howard asked if she's ready. Ronnie said he's ready. Howard started humming and Ronnie was making noises saying it feels good. Howard asked if he's cumming. Ronnie asked what that is. He said it feels like something is coming up out of the speaker. Howard asked how his vagina is. Ronnie said it's not vibrating. Howard said maybe it's not working. Ronnie said it's cutting in and out. Howard asked Scott to just make him cum.
Scott told Ronnie to take a deep breath in and close his eyes. Scott said he's still Jamie but now he's going to hear Jason Statham's voice when Howard speaks. He said he's going to be talking to him on the phone now. He woke Ronnie up and Howard became Jason Statham. Howard said he's going to hum into the microphone now. Ronnie said why don't you just come over and stick it in his ass. He said they can lay on the floor there. Howard said he wants to see if he gets off on this first.
Howard started humming again and Ronnie was moaning and laughing. Jamie said it was tickling. He said the vibration was right on his clit. Howard asked if he came. Ronnie said he didn't but it was very tingly. He said he'd rather have the real thing. He said he knows how he feels about him. Howard said he does. Howard thanked her for calling in and celebrating with him. Howard said Jamie is his kind of girl. He said he looks great. Howard said he's going to squeeze his titties. Ronnie said he has big nips like pencil erasers. Howard said Fred just vomited. Ronnie said he's not taking his nipples out unless he comes over there.
Howard said Scott is something else. He said Jamie is wild over there. Howard asked if she has any tattoos. Jamie said he has a tattoo of something but he can't tell him what it is. Howard said he has to know. Jamie said it'll make her cry. Howard asked if he's crying now. Jamie said he can't tell him. Howard said this is weird. Howard asked if her clit is pierced. Jamie said no. Ronnie didn't want to talk about what was on her arm. Scott said it would make Jason really happy. Ronnie asked why he'd put him through that. Howard said he was digging her but now he's blocked up. Ronnie said it's his dog. Howard asked which dog. She said it's Dudley. Howard said he knew a guy named Ronnie who had a dog named Dudley. Ronnie said it was Sporty. Jamie said he's very upset now. Howard asked if he can rub his titties. Jamie said that he made him very upset. He said he didn't want to say it.
Howard said now they can get back to fucking again. Howard said he thought Jamie liked bad boys. She said she did but he was mean to her. Howard asked what the fuck is going on there. Fred said he tapped into something dark. Howard said he might let her blow him now. Ronnie said he doesn't care. He told Howard to go fuck himself. Howard said he guess her pussy dried up. Jamie said he doesn't want to talk to Howard anymore.
Howard did more of his vibrating thing on the microphone. Ronnie told him to go fuck himself with that. Howard said he can turn off women who are hypnotized. He said he just got to a new low in his life. Howard said he was so close to blowing Ronnie and he blew it. Ronnie was still upset.
Scott had Jamie close her eyes. He told her to let go of any sad feelings and get back to feeling happy and being himself. He had Ronnie open his eyes. Ronnie came out of it laughing again. Howard asked if her clit was stiff again. Ronnie was cracking up saying this was so much fun. Howard said he had a good time with Jamie. Ronnie was still Jamie so Howard asked what she drinks. Ronnie told Howard what she likes and it's the same stuff Ronnie likes. Howard said don't drink too much or it will ruin your skin. Ronnie said he's going to a party this weekend. He said he has a beautiful black dress that's low cut.
Howard asked if Jamie would like to be his wife. Ronnie said something like that. Howard said they're celebrating their 30th anniversary of the woman sitting on her speaker. Howard said Jamie felt that in her clit today. Howard asked if Jamie ever uses a sex toy. Ronnie said he has a dildo that's like the Rolls Royce of dildos. She said she got it at a fancy store that sells all kinds of sex toys. She said it has batteries in it with two controls. Ronnie started laughing. He said one goes inside and moves around and the other one is like a little claw that goes on your clit. He said that moves like a bunny rabbit. Howard asked if he ever uses anal beads. Ronnie said no to that. He said he does swallow because it's natural. He said it's not a bad thing. He said sex is a great thing. He said the load tastes salty and it depends on the guy. He said it's okay. He said it's like custard. Howard asked if he would swallow Brent's load. Jamie said he doesn't think so.
Howard asked if she likes when a guy cums on her chest. Ronnie laughed and said he loves it when it's on those sensitive nipples.
Howard asked if any man has ever asked Scott to get a woman to fall for him. Scott said he wouldn't do that. He said if they're not interested in them then there's no reason to do that.
Howard asked if it was true that Joey Boots called him recently. Scott said he did call a few months ago and he wanted to make some changes. He wanted to stop smoking and then they were going to work on the drinking habit. He said he had stopped smoking and then he heard he was dead. He said people come to him for a lot of things. Howard said Scott is good at this. He said either that or Ronnie is the emptiest vessel on the planet.
Howard said Scott is available for coaching. He said he wanted to help High Pitch Erik lose weight but Erik only wanted to do it on the air. Howard said Bobo contacted him so he could have a photographic memory to remember his essay. Scott said he did that and he was nervous about that. He said he wanted to work on his confidence. Scott said he asked Bobo if he had anyone look at the essay. Scott said Bobo said he hadn't. He said he wanted him to write it out a few times. He said Bobo wanted a magic pill. Scott said he told Jason about Bobo wanting to be on the show and he wanted him to tell Jason all of this wild stuff about him being hypnotized. He said it all went down hill from there.
Howard asked Scott to bring Ronnie out of this hypnosis and bring Ronnie back as the happy Ronnie. Scott did his thing and had Ronnie come out of it. Howard told Ronnie he loves working with him. Ronnie was all happy again and he was laughing and saying that he's not sure if everyone loves him around there. Howard asked who doesn't love him. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Howard said Jason loves him. Ronnie said he threw a garbage can at him once. Jason said that was a long time ago. Howard said he's supposed to be doing security up there. Ronnie said Howard took him in a room like Hitler and told him he can't be doing shit like that around there. He said Howard threw everyone out of the room and told him he can't do that. Ronnie said all he knows is that Jason was fucking with him with the cupcakes. He said it all went away because of him. He said he yelled at him about it and that's when the whole thing happened. Ronnie said he was giving the cupcakes to people who would eat them. Jason said it was just the girls he was giving them to. Ronnie said he gave some to dudes too.
Ronnie said he got yelled at so bad for that garbage can thing. He said Howard locked him in a room. He said it was like a lock down. Howard said this is his life and he has to get out. Ronnie said Gary doesn't like him either. He said he's not sure what happened to him. He said he used to hang. He said he's not sure what happened there. He said Jon Hein and JD are his men. He said Sal and Richard too. He said they hang and get in a lot of trouble. Howard said Greenwich Gary won't hang with him. Ronnie said he doesn't know what it is but it's fucking sad. He said they all used to hang. He said people went their separate ways. He said even Howard used to hang. He said they used to go shopping and stuff. He said he would go to the mall with him. Howard said then the internet came along and he doesn't have to go out shopping. Howard said he can't hang with the guy he has to yell at in a room.
Howard asked if Ronnie ever hung out with Fred. Ronnie said he has. He said they bullshit about cars and family and all of that. Fred said he did hang out with him once on a personal level. Ronnie said he came to Fred's birthday party. He said he likes to hang with people who like to hang. He said Sal is sometimes weird. Howard asked if he thinks he's gay. Ronnie said he doesn't know about that. He said he's had a lot of fun with Shuli too. Howard said Sal is into Richard in a weird way. Ronnie said he does find that weird. He said they claim it's a show thing but he doesn't get that.
Howard asked what he thinks about Benjy. Ronnie said he doesn't get that either. He said since he threw him out of there he's like very much into a shell or into himself. He said he just sits there with the headphones on. He said there's no conversation. He said it's weird shit when he does. He said now he hardly talks. He said he's retracted into himself. Howard said maybe he should hang with him. Ronnie said he doesn't think he wants to do that. He said he's very reclusive. Ronnie brought up Jim (McClure) who was in the studio and said he likes to hang with him too. Howard told him that Jim isn't there. He said pretend he's not there.
Howard asked if Ronnie is still getting married. Ronnie said yeah. Howard asked who has the hottest wife there. Ronnie said he's leaving Howard out of this. He said he knows a lot of the girls because they hang. Howard said he gets it. Ronnie said the cutest one is Derek's girlfriend. Howard asked who Derek is. Ronnie told him to come in there. Howard said maybe not. Ronnie said it's Derek's girl. Howard asked why Memet doesn't have a hot girl. Ronnie said he's too choosy. He said that JD's girl Jenna is the best. He said that he went to his birthday and took the subway to get there. He said that they had a great time. Ronnie said he's the only one who showed up. He said it was just a hang out thing and it wasn't really a party. Howard said Ronnie did teach him how to hang out with women.
Ronnie said that Derek's girl is named Jamie. Gary said that the description that Ronnie gave when he was Jamie was very much like Derek's Jamie. Ronnie said he likes Gary's wife too. He said Jon Hein's wife is hot too. Howard asked if he saw her at the Christmas party. Ronnie said she had a tight Danskin thing on when they were out. He said he loves his wife. Ronnie said people think he's insulting her by saying that. Howard asked who said that. Ronnie said JD is getting upset with him talking about his girl. Howard said she's hot. Ronnie said McClure's old lady is adorable too. He said she's a cute little Asian girl. He said they just got married too. He said that was another secret wedding.
Ronnie said that Jim went to get married and he got his license. He said he called an Uber car to pick him up. He said he tells the guy to go to City Hall. He said the guy driving was a minister and he drove them to Battery Park and married them right in the street. Howard asked if that's true. Jim said it is true. Howard asked if he's sure he's married. Jim said he had a witness in the car with them and they are married.
Howard said this is unbelievable that Ronnie is like this. Howard asked if Ronnie would have a threesome with Jon Hein's wife. Ronnie said he would be there. He said she's fun. He said he's not sure how she's with Jon. He said he's just kidding. He said Jon is the best. He said they can bullshit and talk about anything.
Howard asked if Ronnie would let Jon Hein be with his girlfriend. Ronnie said that's not happening. He said no one is going to see her naked. He said his fiancee has got a body that makes his dick stand straight up. He said he can't keep his hands off her. He said she has that bubble ass. He said she's great. Howard said god knows what he's doing with her. Ronnie said she's great.
Ronnie told Howard that he spoke to JD's dad on New Year's. He said that he thanked him for taking care of his son.
Ronnie asked why he's sitting on this speaker. Howard told him he did a bit. Ronnie said he knew that Tan Mom wasn't going to show up. Howard said he has to thank Scott for this morning. He said he's an amazing hypnotist. Howard said he has to learn how to do this. Scott said he thinks that he could learn very easily. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Howard said good news, Derek's girlfriend just filed a restraining order. Ronnie said people are fucking sensitive. He said she's a pretty girl. He said she's nice and he's hung out with them. Howard asked if he jerks off to her. Ronnie said he never jerks off anymore. He said he'll be honest. He said Stephanie had pneumonia last week and she was walking around half naked. He said he was in the shower and she was by the sink with just panties on. He said he had to whack it. He said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard said that's great that he can whack off to his partner. Ronnie said it took less than a minute too. Howard said he's 67 years old and he can still do that. Howard said good for you. Ronnie said he's going to a wedding this weekend and he's going to dance the night away. Ronnie was cracking himself up. That was making everyone in the studio crack up.
Scott asked if Howard wants more of this Ronnie. Howard said he thinks so. Ronnie said he can't wait for this weekend. He said that they're going to have a great time. He said he went on a bachelor party with some of these guys. He said they had a great time. Howard asked if he's bringing a cock ring. Ronnie said he got some cock rings from a company and he's going to bring the kit to the guy for his birthday. Howard asked if Scott knew about the cock ring kit. Scott said absolutely not. Howard said god only knows what's going to happen with Stephanie in the room. Ronnie said it's all good. He was laughing and saying there's nothing wrong with it.
Howard asked if it's had to get hard now. Ronnie said he can hold out longer the older he gets. He said it takes more time to get hard but he can last longer.
Howard asked why Ronnie doesn't remember the threesome thing. Scott said that's only because Howard is asking. Ronnie remembered it when Howard brought it up this time. Ronnie said he didn't jerk off to that. He said he just jerked off to something cool going on. He wasn't picturing them. He said he didn't tell them something about that. Howard asked what it was. Ronnie said being the lunatic he is... He cracked up laughing. Ronnie said he laid down on the floor. He said there's a crack under the door. He said he was looking under the door. The lights were on in the room. He said he was laying on the floor looking through the crack. He said he could see their feet hanging off the edge of the bed. Ronnie said he just saw the feet and legs. He said he saw his old man laying on top of the other woman. He didn't see his mom's feet or legs. Ronnie said he knew what was going on and he had it in his head. He said they were so into it the house could have blown up and they wouldn't have known he was there. Robin said he saw their legs moving. Ronnie said he did.
Ronnie said he just saw this guy in the studio he didn't know. Howard said that's Rich and he's working something in there. Ronnie said that spooked him.
Ronnie said that's the story about them. He said he ran to his room after that. Ronnie said they have to get Howard hypnotized by Scott. He said he wants Howard to lay there and he'll question him. Howard said that's not going to happen. He said he's watching Ronnie and he's afraid. Howard said it's very dark in there. Robin said it's dark in Ronnie too. Howard said he has to thank Scott for coming in. He said he's the best. He thanked him for trying to help Joey Boots too.
Ronnie asked why he didn't try to get Joey to stop drinking before smoking. Scott said that's what Joey wanted to do. Howard said he has to get out of this. Ronnie said it's 8:20 already.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is like his Pauly Walnuts. Howard said he is. The caller said that Ronnie just gave them an hour of classic radio. Howard said he's thinking they should pay Scott to keep Ronnie happy every day. Howard said he hopes Happy Ronnie will put heat in his limo. Ronnie said that it's working. He said he's so paranoid with Howard. Ronnie said he's shitting his drawers over this new car. He said Howard always finds something wrong. Howard said he wants a good car. Ronnie said it'll be the most perfect car in the world and Howard will find something wrong. Howard said this is going nowhere. Ronnie said this is going far.
Ronnie said that Scott is wearing a shirt like a magician would wear. He said he could do a magic show. Howard asked if Scott is married. Scott said no. Ronnie said he was married. Howard thanked Scott again and gave him a plug. He said you can email him at Scott@UltimateVisionaryMind.com. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Gary said last night she tweeted out she was going to be late. Then she left a message saying she wouldn't be in. Then she called and said she'd show up at 9:30 but that's too late so now she wants to come over to bring in presents.
Howard played a voicemail message that Tan Mom left for Sal. She said that she has had a 12 hour nightmare. She said she has to rearrange things and come over and drop some stuff off. She said she's got to get out of this state.
Howard said that you can't get mad at Tan Mom. He said that's just the way she is. Howard got her on the line and Tan Mom was talking about the Ronnie thing and how funny that was. Howard thanked her for calling in and told her not to worry about it. Howard said it's fine that she didn't come in. Howard said he understands. He said he's cool. She said she made all of this food. Howard said she doesn't have to come in to give them food. Howard said the guys are eating enough. Howard said it sounds like she's busy. Tan Mom kept asking why he's being mean. Howard said he's not. He said he gets that she was busy. Tan Mom said she wasn't busy. Howard asked how he's being mean. Howard said everything is cool. Tan Mom said alright. She sounded bummed. She said she's sad she didn't make it there. Howard said put her sister Petunia on maybe. She didn't do that. Howard told her to give her presents to the homeless. Tan Mom said ''Wow!'' Howard said he's not being mean to her. He said he just has to move on and do the show. Howard said he has things scheduled. Howard said Ronnie filled in for her.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if they think it's disgusting that Ronnie got off to his parents having sex. Howard said that's what they all think. The caller asked if Howard would ever get off on his parents. Howard laughed and thanked her for the call.
Howard played a phony phone call the guys made to a guy using clips of Howard's mom wishing Howard a happy birthday. The guy stayed on the line and thanked her even though she had the wrong person. They went to break after that.
Howard said some of the guys like Will and Jason were upset they weren't invited. JD said they don't live in the city. Howard said let them worry about it. JD said he didn't do it. Jason said that Ronnie lives just as far away from the city as they do. Will said they get it. He said he's invited JD to a bunch of things over the years. He asked who made the cut and who didn't. JD said it was a last minute thing and there's nothing to get angry about. Will asked who made the cut. JD said it was Richard, Jon Hein and Ronnie and their spouses.
Howard said that the only friends JD has are people from work. Will said he busts JD's balls on the air and maybe she's cutting some of those people out of his life. JD said she recently friended Will on Facebook so calm down. Will said there seems to be cliques starting up around there. He said he's been a best friend to JD the whole time he's been there but maybe not. JD said this has nothing to do with how he feels about any of them. He said if it was up to him he'd be alone on his birthday. Howard said no he wouldn't.
Jason said that his wife knows who he feels close to at work. He said he's had JD to his house to hang out. He said he wasn't even invited to this. Robin said Ronnie let out a lot of secrets today.
Gary said that Ronnie said something earlier. He said that he said he never hangs out. Gary said a couple of years ago he heard that Ronnie, JD and Jon Hein went out and got to know each other. He said he wanted to hang out with JD too and he was never invited. Howard said he has gone out a bunch of times. JD said that he hasn't had any dinners since Gary expressed interest. Gary said he always hears they're hanging out. JD said he hung out with Ronnie on New Year's Eve. He said he's sure other people were invited. Howard said he can't believe that people are fighting over JD.
Howard said Gary is hurt too. He said JD has gotten a life and now he's hurting people. He said JD hangs out behind the velvet rope.
Howard said he has audio of Underdog Lady singing Happy Birthday to him. He said it's not his birthday today but he'll play it. Howard played the song and Underdog did sing him Happy Birthday. Howard said she did sing his name. He wondered how they got that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Howard was laughing at 7:04 this morning. She said he couldn't have picked abetter person to be by his side all these years. Howard hung up on her in the middle of a sentence.
Howard read some email about Ronnie and about the circumcision conversation they had yesterday. Howard had a bunch about the circumcision thing. Howard said he thinks that circumcision is wrong but he thinks he'd cave if he had a son.
Howard read a few other emails about Tan Mom/Petunia. Howard said some people thought that was a great performance from her. Howard said that some people liked his thoughts on Russia. He had some email about (Fake) Jesse Ventura on the show. He said some people are wondering what happened to the guy who called in about his girlfriend who had really bad breath. Howard said they'll look into that.
Howard said someone emailed about having a job interview to be a news anchor. Howard said the guy says he heard the woman singing the foreskin song and he started to laugh. He got the offer from the TV station later that night. Howard said the guy realized that nothing really matters. Howard said after the break they'll have Neil Patrick Harris in there. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
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Howard came back and said that Neil Patrick Harris is there. Howard said Neil has a new series on Netflix. He said it's called ''A Series of Unfortunate Events.''
Neil said he heard the thing with Ronnie and hearing him talking about his clit and squirting was disgusting. Howard asked if Neil has ever done hypnosis. Neil said he doesn't believe in it. Howard said he swears that they don't set anything up. Howard said Ronnie says that Scott just does his thing and it works. Howard said he thinks it works. Howard said Scott takes him into a room for an hour before. Neil said it was just so disgusting and they weren't able to get him to cum. Howard said if they set it up they could have gotten him to cum. Robin said she thinks Ronnie really was out of it. Howard said he thinks he was too.
Neil said he's had quite a day today. He said at 2:30 in the morning he got a call from the alarm company because the flood alarm went off in the basement. He said he lives in a Brownstone in Harlem. Howard asked if he's accepted there in Harlem. Neil said he thinks so. He said they have two hair braiding places on the sides of the building. He said that they like them.
Neil said that the middle floor of their building has a broken pipe. He said in the basement there was 6 or 7 inches of water. He said he was still asleep and he called the contractor who knows where the shut off is. He said since 4:15 this morning he's been drying things. He said that it was the weather that did it. He said they winterized the outside pipes and he thinks that something burst because of the weather. He said it could have been a lot worse.
Howard said they had a thing at their house where the toilet cracked and water poured all over the place. Neil said he got a Squatty Potty. He said he doesn't like it so much. Howard said he thinks it's terrific. Neil said he may have gotten one that's too high. Neil said he pulls his pants down above the knee. Howard said he pulls his down to his ankles. He said he has to balance his underpants while using the Squatty Potty. Robin said there is a 7 inch and a 9 inch Squatty Potty. Neil said he thinks he got the 9 inch.
Howard asked Neil if he ever thinks about a job outside of show business. He said he's got to be thinking about jobs all the time. Neil said he started so young in the industry. He said he was 12 going on 13 when he started it. He said he started with a movie with Whoopi Goldberg called Clara's Heart. Howard said he went on the audition and got it. Neil said it was so outside of the normal world. Howard asked if he keeps in touch with her. Neil said he does. He said they see each other and have a thing. He said he has a special bond to her. Howard said he thinks it's amazing.
Howard said Neil was at acting camp and he got that job right out of camp. Neil said he does have a short attention span and he likes to change up the jobs he has. Howard asked who helps him out with that stuff. Neil said he has agents. Howard asked if he was in a panic after Doogie Howser. Neil said he doesn't know about a panic. He said that movies and TV were different worlds though. Howard asked if he would do a remake of Doogie Howser. Neil said he thinks that it would be a bad idea. He said he's 43 years old now and that show was about a kid doctor. Howard said he thinks that Doogie could invent something really cool. Neil said he's not sure they'd need to use Doogie in the name. He said the name of the show was kind of weird too. Howard said he could have gotten stuck in that role and been like that Fred Savage kid.
Howard asked what it's like to do a movie and then go back to high school. Neil said it was more weird than being an outcast. He said he lived in a small town in New Mexico and he ended up moving to a new town so there was a new school he was going to. He said he didn't have to deal with the awkward thing.
Howard asked if he was auditioning for school plays and being like that guy who was in a movie so why am I doing a play. Neil said he was just looking for normalcy.
Neil said he just wanted to hang out with normal kids. Howard said he should have lived in Los Angeles. Neil said he did move back to New Mexico for a while. He said he was smoking pot and drinking underage. He said the only gigs he was getting were movies of the week. He said he figured he'd just go home to New Mexico. Howard asked if he was a burn out. Neil said not really. He said he just went back to his normal life. Neil said he was 19 or 20 and he had a fake ID and he'd go to clubs and go out drinking and smoke dope during the day waiting for auditions.
Howard said he thinks that Neil doesn't look like Doogie. Neil said he still walks down the street and they call him Doogie. Howard said he thinks he grew out of that face. Robin said she thinks he just grew up in a nice way and aged nicely. Howard said he's not sure what Fred Savage is doing now. Neil said that he's working with John Stamos. Robin said it's Rob Lowe actually. Howard said he doesn't think Neil looks like Doogie anymore. Neil thanked him for that.
Howard said they're talking about how Neil might replace Michael Strahan. Neil said he thinks it would be a fun gig. Howard said he's done with that show ''A Series of Unfortunate Events'' so will he do that show. Neil said he doesn't really want to do that show. He said it's fun to go in and co-host once in a while. He said he gets to do other work all the time. He said he wouldn't want that gig because it's every day. Howard said he can do an hour a day and then go act. Neil said he feels like it's the same thing as doing late night. He said before Stephen Colbert got his show there was some talk of him doing it. He said that's not what he's looking for.
Neil said he loves magic and juggling and things like that. He said he loves that and he wanted to do a variety show. He did that. Howard said he thinks that kind of thing is over. Neil said that Howard did America's Got Talent and that's a variety show. Howard said he thought of it as a game show. Neil said he likes that kind of show. Howard said if he did the Kelly Ripa job he'd have a nice gig. Neil said then he can't go and do other things. Neil said if he's asked to be in a movie that he has to fly off to do he wouldn't be able to do it. Neil said that Scott Wolf is good on Kelly's show. He said that he's a friend of theirs too. He said that Scott is great on the show and he has a wife named Kelly too so he's used to Scott and Kelly.
Neil said that Beth helped them get their new dog. He said they got this puppy from Thailand. He said it won't stop shitting and pissing everywhere in their place. He said he blames Beth. Howard said he's seen his chaotic lifestyle. Howard said the kids are full of piss and vinegar. Howard said he's taking on a dog now. He said they don't have time to train a dog. Howard asked when he's going to do that. Neil said that's true. Howard said it's more parenting than a child. Howard said he told him this too. Neil said the dog is so cute though. He said their other dog died and the kids wanted a new dog. Howard said Beth came to him about the dog. Howard said he said that they can't even take care of two kids never mind a dog. Howard said that those two were ready to snap. He said this is what he says to Beth in private.
Howard said that Neil has to have the dog trainer come to his house. Neil said they sort of did that. Howard said he has to listen to him. He said the guy is going to train Neil and his husband how to train the dog. Howard said he's too busy being a parent and an actor. Neil said the crate training is tough. He said the dog is barking like crazy when it's in the cage. Howard said he trained Fred like that and you don't see any shit on the floor.
Howard said he knew this was going to happen. Neil said they did all the right stuff yesterday. He said the dog was inside and it shit on the floor. Howard said they have to feed consistently. Neil said they are doing that. Howard said he doesn't like what he's saying but it's true. Neil said he grew up in New Mexico and they just had a dog. Howard said he wasn't aware that his parents were taking care of the dog. Howard said he has to be trained with his husband. Neil said that David is at his wits end.
Howard asked if Neil is being called NPH now. Neil said that he didn't know that. He said that he did try to get NPH.com but it's a web site that sells religious literature.
Howard asked if they're going to make a show called ''How I Met Your Father.'' Neil said he heard that. He said that could be a cool idea. He said he liked the story structure of ''How I Met Your Mother.''
Howard asked if he has stopped hosting shows like the Emmys and Oscars. Neil said you don't try to get those jobs. He said he was on a CBS show and he'd be asked to do it. He said that James Corden is doing it now because he's on CBS. Howard asked if he compares himself to these hosts. Neil said he watched the Golden Globes with his friends in L.A. and he knows the process of making it. He said he watched it in two ways. He said he wondered about how they were doing it and he wasn't passing judgment on it. He said he was more empathetic. Howard asked if he was relived he wasn't there. Neil said it's a very strange and weird position to be in. He said he enjoys being there but the job is to honor the people who are nominated. He said if you do too much content then it's too much. He said if you don't do enough then it's another problem.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel is going to be hosting soon and he has to write jokes. Neil said he thinks that he's a great person to be a host of one of those shows. He said he can be like Ricky Gervais and people won't hate him. Neil said he thinks Jimmy will be great. He said it's super hard to do and you have so much material and you have to constantly think about what to cut and keep in the show.
Neil said when you're watching the red carpet you're just watching people pass judgment. He said you forget that when you're in the world it's a cluster fuck of proportions for everyone. Howard said when he did America's Got Talent he had an ear piece in and he was asked to kill time once in a while. Howard said he liked that. He said that they'd only ask him to do that. He said it's an interesting experience to have to get it done in exactly 45 seconds. Howard said they'd ask him to keep talking while he was critiquing someone. Howard said this was during the live shows of course. Howard said we don't know how difficult it is to host the Oscars.
Neil said his problem with the Golden Globes is when they come back from commercial and people are still talking in the audience. He said when Chris Pine came out he was reading and people were talking over him. He said he knows how annoying it can be. He said they ask people to be seated in 10 seconds and they just ignore it. Howard said maybe that's because people are lit from drinking alcohol.
Howard said that these guys are all growing beards too. He said Chris Pine had one. Neil said Howard has some stubble. Howard said it's just stubble though. He said it's not a beard.
Howard said the other thing about the Golden Globes is that you host and don't get much pay. Neil said that's true. He said it's fun to be there and to watch. He said that it's a lot of stress and work. He said at the end of it they just show one picture of you and talk about all of the winners. Howard asked if he reads the reviews. Neil said he thought he did a nice job on the Oscars. He said that he did a whole long runner with a magic trick and it was effective. He said that some people didn't know how they did it. He said it wasn't a great idea. He said he kept reminding people that it existed. He said at the end it fell a little flat. He said it was 3 or 4 hours of set up. He said it was a pretty amazing trick but it fell flat. Neil said he stayed up all night long because he was going to host a show the next morning. Then he looked at Twitter before he went live. He said it was 6 in the morning the next day and he read Twitter and it was just a lot of not positive stuff. then he had to go out and talk about how it went with Kelly and Michael.
Howard said a truly healthy individual would think about what a good job he did and not worry about the audience. Neil said he's hard on himself and he reads almost everything. He said not the comments so much.
Howard said he reads the press. Neil said he reads tweets too. He said if it's mostly good it's great but if it's mostly bad then you have to do something to remedy that. Howard said he has to go back and watch him on the Kelly and Michael show.
Howard said Neil shaved his head for this new Netflix show. Neil said he could have worn a thing to cover up his hair. Howard said there was a movie that Jim Carrey did with these stories. Neil said he did. He said he watched that performance and he didn't want to look like Jim doing that character. He said Jim does his thing as someone. He said Jim wasn't trying to be Count Olaf. He said he was Jim Carrey. Neil said that was just a 2 hour long movie and this is a 8 episode series for the 13 books. Neil told Howard what it's about.
Howard asked if he had to audition for the show. Neil said he didn't. He said they thought of him for the show so they asked him to do it.
Howard asked how it was working with Netflix. Neil said it's great. He said they spent a ton on the show. He said he did it for 4 or 5 months. Howard said no wonder his dog is shitting all over the house. Neil said you don't worry about commercial breaks with Netflix. He said they just let you do it. He said that's a dream come true for creative people.
Neil said Howard has to have Barry Sonnenfeld on the show because he started out working in porn. He said he has a great story about a double penetration scene. He said that the girl got sick and they had to go find someone to get it done. He said they found a girl at a restaurant who was willing to do it. He said she goes in and Barry is mouthing the camera under a table and he's down there and it goes terribly wrong in the most disturbing way. He said Barry is the best story teller. He said he told him then that he should go on and tell this story. Howard said he is immediately invited on the show if he has a double penetration story.
Howard said the reviews of Neil in this new show are very good. Howard asked how his marriage is going. Neil said they've been together almost 14 years and married for 3. He said it's going very well. Howard said it's his 10th anniversary of coming out. Howard said he probably just made that up. Neil wished Howard a happy anniversary on the woman on the speaker thing too.
Neil said that the show starts streaming on Friday the 13th. He said that Olaf is in the first two episodes. Howard asked if he watched the series. Neil said he did and he was happy with it. He said he plays 4 characters in the show. Howard asked if there is any double penetration in the series. Neil laughed. Neil said Barry would tell him some great stories.
Howard asked if he's still hanging out with Elton John. Neil said that they do sometimes. He said that they invite people to hang out with them in France. He said they've gotten to go the last few years. Howard asked who picks up the tab when they go out. Neil said that Elton does. He said they try to pay but Elton always makes sure he does.
Neil asked if Elton has ever been on the show. Howard said he was a long time ago. He said he wrote a song for him once about why he's not on TV. He said it was great. Neil said he has a show in Vegas now. He said it's so good. He said he does a 2 hour show and he does extra long versions of his songs. Howard said he saw him in a guy's living room. Howard said he was at this party and he went into the living room and there were 25-30 people there. He said Elton just came in and did an hour and a half show. Howard said he was uncomfortable being so close and watching. He said the room filled up and maybe 200 people were there. Neil said he had him at his wedding and asked him to do one song. He said they brought in a piano and a sound guy. He said he did 5 songs.
Howard said he'd feel funny asking him to do something like that. Neil said he tasked everyone at the wedding with things to do. Howard asked if he would have been devastated if he said no. Neil said not at all. He said they're super fun people to hang out with.
Neil said he does 4 different voices in the series. He said he's been thinking about Howard. Howard asked to hear some of his voices.
Gary came in and asked if he has a piano electronically connected to Elton John so he it plays whenever he plays. Neil said they do have a piano that plays on its own. He said Elton John is connected with Yamaha and you can live stream the performance. He said you see the actual keys he's playing on your piano. Howard said that must be expensive. Neil said he's not sure. He said they may be in the Beta group actually.
Howard asked Neil to do his voices. Neil did his Olaf voice and said he thinks about Howard doing that one. He wanted to be down lower like Howard is now. He said for the next voice he did Stefano and he raised it up and did an Italian accent. Howard asked if he works with an accent coach. Neil said not at all. Howard asked to speak to Stefano for a minute. He spent a little time talking to him doing that voice. Neil did another voice of a sea captain. He did a bit of a Sean Connery voice with his teeth falling out. Neil said he also plays a woman named Shirley. He did that voice sounding like Christina Hendricks from Mad Men.
Howard tried to talk to Shirley for a minute. He asked her to sit on the speaker over there. Neil said you should see her nipples.
Howard gave Neil a plug for the new show ''A Series of Unfortunate Events'' which starts streaming on Friday the 13th on Netflix. Neil said it's okay for the kids to watch too. Howard talked to Neil as Stefano again. Howard said you can see both of them throwing buckets of water out of their basement today.
Howard said a friend of his asked him to do a film recently and he was thinking about shaving his head for the part. Howard said he was going to fully commit. Howard said he told Beth about it and she said ''You're going to what?'' He said she told him he'd be miserable doing that. Neil said that he shaved his head for 23 days. He said that it made him feel really strange. He said that he looked like an alien. Howard didn't even know he presented at the Tony's with a bald head.
Howard said that Casey Affleck had a full head of hair and a beard. Howard said they cut him off in the middle of a speech. Howard said he wanted to hear him talk. He said he hates that. Neil said he does too. He said that they get behind though and they have to do that.
Howard wrapped up and gave Neil another plug for his series. Neil said there's more to come if they do more seasons of the show. Howard told Neil not to bring his dog to the house. Neil said they wouldn't let them have a cat. Howard said that's true. Neil said the kids were kind of rough with the cat. Neil said that they're getting the house in the Hampton's too. Howard said he advised him on that and some other things. Howard said he's Neil's ''goru'' as Ronnie would say. Howard went to break a short time later.
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After the commercial read Howard said it's probably time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Howard said that was some song.
Howard said there was a picture of Nicole Bass showing off her assets the other day. He said she put out a topless picture of herself. Howard said she shoes her ample breasts in that shot. Robin asked if she published it anywhere. Howard said they were in a Tweet. Howard said she got a total of 35 likes. Robin said that's impressive. Howard said that's 3.8 likes for each photo. Howard said she got some beautiful comments underneath. He said one was ''Good grief.'' Howard said that Jeff the Drunk tweeted out ''I don't give a fuck'' and got 24 likes. Howard said Twitter is great.
Howard played a clip of a news anchor saying ''shit'' during a newscast. He said that instead of ''shot.'' Howard said he has a montage of other news screw ups. He said they all say ''shit'' in this. Howard played the clip and it was very short clips of news reporters saying ''shit'' accidentally.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just saw Nicole Bass' pictures and almost threw up. He said she has some nice nipple rings though. He said he loved hearing Neil Patrick Harris. He asked Howard if he has ever had to not finish a show and run off. Howard said no he hasn't. The caller said he can't even get through a week of work without having to do that.
Gary said they did find one time that Howard had to leave work from K-Rock once. Howard said he did that at WNBC once. Howard said they hated him there to begin with. Howard said he remembers thinking that he had to get better quick. The caller said he's a truck driver and he almost shit in his truck cab. He said he spent 3 days in a truck stop hugging the toilet.
Robin got to her news and brought up the William Devane and the commercials that he odes where he talks about buying gold. Robin said Prince was apparently listening. Robin said he owned a lot of real estate and gold. Robin said they say he had like 67 of these 10 ounce gold bars. Howard said he read that. Robin said it's worth about $800,000 right now. Robin asked how you lug that stuff around in an apocalypse. Howard said he has Fred lug his around in a back pack.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if he thinks Jimmy Kimmel has gotten better looking. Howard said he thinks he has. He said he got on a diet that made him look better. Robin said he used to have bags under his eyes but they're gone. Howard said he was on a fasting diet and he doesn't eat anything for 2 days a week. Howard said that has to be tough. He said that's how he keeps his weight under control. Howard said he takes the baby on walks. He said he might even do some weights here and there. Howard said he did get better looking. Tommy said he's a stud now. Howard said good for Tommy noticing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Carrie Fisher's death and how they're looking into it more. She said that she did die of a heart attack but they're trying to figure out what caused the heart attack. Howard said when you're poor no one cares how you died. Howard said that they only care about wealthy famous people. Robin said that sometimes heart attacks are caused by things. Howard said her number was up, that's it.
Robin read a story about bumble bees being an endangered species. Robin said that the numbers of the rusty patched bumble bee are down 90 percent over the past 20 years. Howard said that's who they should be worried about dying, not Carrie Fisher. Howard said it's pesticides and gasses in the air. Howard said that's what we should be solving. He said that it's something that he'd do if he were President. Howard said we'll be eating cardboard if we don't solve that. Robin said the bee is only found in 13 states. Howard said just wait until they're all dead. ISIS won't be the thing to worry about. Howard said the bees are dying off faster than the Wack Pack.
Robin read a story about senator Al D'Amato getting kicked off a plane. Robin said that they were trying to get passengers to move and he tried to get up to expedite things and he was asked to leave the plane. Robin had some audio of the incident. Robin said Al looked good. She said she hasn't seen him in a long time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said last year the funniest bit was the ISIS hotline. He wondered why he hasn't done it. Howard said he did it a couple of times and he was out of steam. The caller said he did sound exhausted from it. Howard said someone told him later that it wasn't a real thing and it threw him. Robin said then they found the Bikram guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie bit was so funny. He said he laughed so damn hard about that this morning. He said he and a friend were texting back and forth about how funny it was. Howard said that hypnotism is so real. He said Ronnie really doesn't remember being under. The caller said he was crying laughing. Howard said he was too.
Robin said Neil Patrick Harris was asking Ronnie if it was real and Ronnie told him he's not like that and it was out of his control.
Robin read a story about a march on Washington and how America Ferrarra and Scarlett Johansson will be there. Robin said Cher, Debra Messing and Katy Perry will be there too. Robin said she might go. Howard asked what the march is about. Robin said it's going to be happening all over the country and it's about human rights. Howard said he'll be watching the march hoping it rains. Robin said Howard should go because he has 3 daughters. Robin said there's also a ''he supports she'' movement going on. Robin said men have to back it too.
Robin read a story about how Russia had a report on Donald Trump for being a sexual deviant. Robin said they say they were grooming him for years. Robin said Trump is saying this is all fake news. Robin said he's saying that it's just them trying to influence the election.
Robin read a story about a book out called ''The Case against Sugar.'' Robin said people don't seem to realize how bad sugar is for them. Robin said it could be feeding your cancer and it's addictive. Howard said that people have to know it's bad for you. Robin said maybe they don't know to what extent. Robin read some other things that it can lead to. Robin said it makes cigarettes even worse for you.
Robin read a story about Hostess recalling some of their Twinkie products because of a contamination scare.
Robin read a story about how eating too much red meat can cause bowel problems. Robin read about that and how red meat can lead to breast cancer too. Howard played a voicemail message from Richard's dad. Robin asked if Richard just never picks up on his dad. Howard said those calls can get lengthy. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how cough syrup doesn't work. Howard said of course not. Howard said his mother would tell him to just not cough. Howard said she told him to stop and he did. Robin asked if he ever coughs now. Howard said just occasionally. Robin read more details about the cough syrup and how it doesn't actually work. Robin said they found that a placebo works just as well. Robin said it may make you drowsy and help you sleep though. Howard said he knew a DJ who used to drink cough syrup but that was just to get fucked up. Howard said he was a nice guy but he was a little fucked up. Howard said Gary still coughs. He played a song parody about Gary's coughs.
Robin read a story about how being lazy can lead to dementia. Howard said he got into such a funk that he wasn't exercising. Howard said he's back to running. He said we are animals and the body is built to move. He said we don't use it and it's very bad. Howard said Robin the ''goru'' has taught them that we have to get out and move around. Robin said even if you have a good set of genes you can get sick from not moving around.
Robin asked Howard about children and where they should sleep. Howard said in their room. Robin said they recommend that infants sleep in the same room as their parents. Howard said he thought she meant kids. Robin said that this may help with sudden infant deaths. Robin had a clip of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 and how they are still banned from airlines. Robin said you can't take one on a plane.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump holding his first press conference today. Robin said this is the day after President Obama had his farewell speech last night. Robin read about what reporters are expected to ask about today.
Robin read a story about how much it costs for security per day at Trump Tower. Robin said it's $500,000 a day. Robin said that it has been a nightmare for businesses in the area but they are getting things more open for businesses. Howard said it was out of control for a while there. He said it was backed up everywhere.
Robin read a story about a survey that was done about Trump being on Twitter. Robin said a lot of people think he should shut that account down. Howard asked why they would want that. JD came in and said that he should tweet less because he's tweeting about businesses and making their stock go down. Howard said he should be allowed to tweet. Howard said it tells you about what the man is. He said in the past they have had handlers and they filtered them. Howard said he wants to hear what he has to say. Howard said he should have a selfie stick and all of that. He said should be on Periscope.
Robin said that President Obama bid farewell to the American people in a speech last night. Robin had some audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about Dylan Roof and how he got the death penalty in his case.
Robin read a story about how there are some people at FOX who are accused of sexual harassment. Robin said that Bill O'Reilly is one of them. Howard said he doesn't think it's easy for that guy to get women. Howard said it's creepy if these charges are true. He said he can't imagine hassling women for sex. Howard said he is saying that the charges are false. Robin read about what this woman is accusing O'Reilly of.
Robin read a story about Volkswagen making a deal with the United States over their diesel scandal. Robin said they're going to pay a fine of $4.3 billion.
Robin asked Howard if he knows what FIFA is. Howard said he would respond ''Fo fum'' if she said FIFA to him. Howard said he knows what it is. Robin said FIFA is actually the group that puts on the world cup. Howard said of course he knows that. Robin said that they're making changes and they have added 48 teams that will compete in 2026. Robin said it's the first change since 1998. Fred played a clip of Ronnie saying ''Who gives a shit?'' Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie agreeing to stop slinging the mud at each other in the press. Howard said Brad should go on Celebrity Bachelor. He said he can see her with Ariana Grande. Robin said she's a little fidget. Howard said he thinks he'd have fun with her.
Robin had Howard play a Bon Jovi song. Robin said they are running a contest to pick their opening acts for their next tour. Howard told Fred they should get The Losers back together. Fred said he's up for it. Robin said they're going to have 10 finalists and their management will pick the opening acts. Howard said he likes that idea.
Robin read a story about George Lucas settling on Los Angeles for his billion dollar museum. Howard said he better leave out those 3 movies that sucked.
Robin read a story about how Mariah Carey's walk of fame star was defaced. Robin said someone wrote a question mark on it. Robin said that her star has been cleaned up and refinished since then. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
Today's show was over around 11:00am.