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Howard started the show with Ed Torian singing ''The Great American Nightmare.'' Howard let him sing that for a short time. Howard said Ed is good. He didn't know he could sing. Howard said he's a charming man. Howard said he's going to change his name to Ed Zombie.
Howard said he stayed up and watched football last night. He said this is when he starts watching. He said he watched the Patriots and Pittsburgh. He said he's blown out by that New England team. He said he's not sure why they're so good. He said Tom Brady is the best quarterback that ever lived. He said he's got to be. He said Coach Belichick is the best too. He said the combo is just unstoppable. He said if they win the Super Bowl they'll have more wins than anyone else.
Howard said when he started out in radio the program director was like the coach. He said he never had a coach Belichick. He said there were a lot who thought they were like him but they weren't.
Robin asked what Howard did this weekend. Howard said he watched the women's march and it felt like the 60s again. Robin asked if he would have gone to pick up women if he was single. Howard said yes. Howard said back in the 60s he would do that and no one would notice him. Howard said there were some people who became rock stars back then. Howard said he wanted to walk in and have everyone rally behind him but no one was going to do that. Howard said he digs activism. He said he remembers the music of the 60s and 70s because it had an anger and a political force behind it. He said it wasn't frivolous. Howard said he thinks it might improve music.
Howard said when that girl got gunned down at Ohio State Neil Young wrote the best song ever. He said he just wants good music. He said he was thinking that there will be some good protest music now.
Howard said the women are fired up. He said the protests in the Vietnam War were great because they had so many boys dying over there for no reason. Howard said his daughter lived in North Vietnam and he asked her what it was like over there with communism. He said our fight over there was for nothing. He said his daughter told him that it's as capitalist as it comes. He said she's paying rent and she can go to any store she wants. Howard said she told him that you get a little plot of land where you can grow rice and everyone shares their rice with everyone else and that's the communism over there. Howard said this is what everyone was fighting for. He said 58,000 troops lost their lives over there. Howard said they were young men with their lives ahead of them. Howard said he wishes he had a patch of land for growing rice. He said he loves rice. He said he would grow fried rice of course.
Howard said the protests brought that down. Robin asked what they're protesting now. Howard said it's about women's rights for abortion and planned parenthood and things like that. Howard said it's women who feel differently than President Trump. Robin said the protests for the Vietnam war were for the war to stop. Robin said the protests today we're not quite sure what they want to accomplish. Robin said she's not sure what Black Lives Matter is trying to do. Howard said he thinks it's about the music.
Howard said they had a Baba Booey Bomb during the inauguration. Howard said he's not convinced that it is a Booey Bomb but he doesn't hear the ''Baba'' in Baba Booey. Howard played a clip and Robin said she heard Booey. Howard said they're taking it as a Booey. Howard thanked whoever did that.
Howard said the Missouri State Choral Group played when he was being sworn in and it reminds him of the end of the Godfather and Michael is killing everyone. Howard played a clip of them singing. He said it is like the end of the movie. Robin said it's like in The Omen when the Antichrist is being conceived. Howard said Trump claimed there were 3 million people in that chorus.
Howard said they say that Trump stole part of his speech from Bane in Batman. Howard said it was similar but not the same thing. Howard played a clip of Bane making a speech and then played some of Trump saying something similar. Howard said he quoted Mr. Freeze a few times too.
Howard said he thought it was funny that Trump called Kellyanne Conway ''Baby'' at one point. Howard played a clip of that too.
Howard said Kellyanne's outfit was weird. He said she looked like a toy soldier in front of a toy store. Howard said she is a weirdo. Howard said she was on Meet the Press or something and Trump was upset about the crowds being reported as being smaller than he thought. Howard said Kellyanne said they were using ''alternative facts.'' Howard played a clip of her talking about that. They called her out on that.
Howard said that sounded a little Kim Jong Un-ish. Howard said he's not sure who cares. Robin said it was a stupid argument to get into. Howard asked who cares. He said you win, you're the president. He said it doesn't matter how many people were there.
Howard said Madonna went nuts and stared screaming about blowing up the White House. Howard played some audio of Madonna speaking at the women's march. She said ''Fuck You'' a couple of times and the news channel pulled away from covering it. Howard said MSNBC did the same thing. Howard played another clip and after she said ''Fuck you'' they pulled away.
Howard said everyone was fired up. He said he liked that pussy hat. He said he didn't know what it was. Howard asked if Robin has one. Robin said she doesn't but she should get one. Howard said a lot of signs at the march had pictures of pussy on them. Howard read some of the signs that he saw. He said he saw a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' sign there. Howard said she sent in a picture.
Howard said he was watching that. He said some good music will come out of all of this. He said he can see it happening. There's a lot happening. Howard said the whole thing had a bad vibe to it. Robin said it was crazy and people are upset. Howard said it was kind of cool. He said it was the 60s all over again. Howard said he loves protesting. Howard said you don't see that anymore. He said there were millions of people all over the world protesting. Howard said they're saying that they're going to do it every 12 days. Howard said he's all for pussy so he's all about that.
Howard said it was weird too because some of the guys made porn choices for him. He said that most of it was really disgusting. Howard said he can't explain why he likes certain types of porn.
Howard said JD thought he'd like a type of porn where a guy goes around flashing himself to women. Howard played a clip from that porn. Howard said this guy gets a woman to his car window and starts masturbating in front of her. Howard let the clip play and the guy asks the woman to just watch him for a second. The woman tells him that it's so hot. She tells him she hopes that he finds his dog. Howard asked if he found his dog. JD said that when the girls are into it then it's hot. Howard said that the girls don't show anything. JD said they do sometimes. He said sometimes the women give the guy a hand job. Howard said he didn't see that lady doing any of that. He said it doesn't turn him on.
Howard said he thinks some football player went to jail for doing something like that. He said that's not his kind of porn.
Howard said Brent thought he'd be into casting couch porn. He said he has been into that before. He said Brent is convinced that some of this stuff is real. Howard said this clip is one of them. Howard played the clip and the guy was saying he wants to hire her but she has to do some stuff. He said to get the job she had to suck his cock. The woman said okay to that and starts blowing him. Howard said all of America now knows what Brent jerks off to.
Howard said Jason thought he'd be into robot porn. Robin said he keeps calling for sex robots. Howard said this is where women pretend to be robots and it's really bad. Howard said one of the women had a lazy eye. Howard played a clip of the woman doing a robot voice and had sex with a guy. Howard said he's not into that. Jason said he thought he'd be into ordering women around. Howard said he would be but not with that.
Howard said Jason thought he'd be into porn where the women are on the phone having sex. Jason said it's called ''hold the moan'' porn. He said he finds it hot. Howard said there's porn for everything. Howard said he's trying to hold in his disgust for Jason right now. Howard played a clip of this woman talking to a guy on the phone and making out with another guy. Jason said it's hotter to watch than listen to.
Howard said Gary thought he'd like shoplifting and pawn shop porn. Howard said both of them involve vinyl. He said he's not sure if he was doing it because of that or not. Gary said he didn't know that they both had vinyl. Howard said Gary cums at the word vinyl. Gary said that it's so not real. He said there are people in the pawn shop pretending not to see what's going on. Howard said they don't get the most sophisticated clientele.
Howard said Gary was very phlegmy this morning and Will almost threw up. Will said he thought Gary was going to spit something on Howard at some point. Howard said Gary must have been up late watching football or something. Howard played a song parody where Gary is clearing his throat. Howard said he's going to put up a sneeze guard in front of his console.
Howard said Gary's porn had vinyl in both clips. He said it's weird. Howard played a clip from one where the girl gets caught stealing and blows the guy to get away. Howard said she cries while the guy is banging her. He said it's weird. Gary said it's stupid and makes him laugh. Howard said he doesn't think Gary is laughing. Howard said he doesn't need so much reality. He said he's seen enough women cry.
Howard said Gary thought that he'd be turned on by this too. He said she was pawning her records and she ends up pawning herself. Howard said Gary loves records. Howard played that clip and the woman is told to suck the guy's dick.
Howard said Memet had some porn that he was kind of into. Howard said it's called braces porn. Howard said it was pretty good. Howard said this girl is fucking her teacher so he'll sign her field trip form signed. Howard played that and the girl is acting really young and asking the teacher to work something out with her. Howard said this guy is so angry with the kid but then he fucks her. Howard said at one point the guy has his foot on her head. He said it was strangely erotic. Robin let out a ''ugh'' when she heard that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he stumbled across a disgusting one. He said it's called belly bulging porn. He said it's where these girls take something large and shove it up their ass so you see it in their stomach. Howard said he's never heard of that. Robin said she's thinking that's not possible. Howard said he's not sure how you can do that either. Howard asked if it's in the ass or the vagine. The guy said it's in the ass. He said that this one he saw had a fist in there and you could see it moving around. JD said he thinks he saw that video. Howard said it has to be special effects. JD said he thinks it's foreign. Howard said it's called ass murder porn. He said he doesn't like all of that. He did his Soupy Sales voice and said he doesn't like that kind of thing.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she read a big article about Gwyneth Paltrow talking about putting jade eggs in their vagina. Howard asked what that is. Mariann said that it's to keep it moist down there. Mariann said they're all sold out. Howard said Fred has 4 in his ass right now. Howard said he put 4 of them up there before the show. Fred said he feels pretty good. Howard said he's into chicken porn where Fred lays an egg. Mariann told Robin to stay away from this one. Robin said she was going to get into cupping but they don't even do that anymore.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his favorite porn is college girl hazing porn. Robin asked what they do. Howard said it's probably putting a finger in a mouth pretending it's a dick or something. The guy said they also do things where they have girls going and sitting on a bench full of dildos. Howard asked how we can have a normal sex life after all of this. He said he just realized that there are so many things to jerk off to that he'll never get to them all. Howard said so many things and so little time.
The caller said he was talking about Vietnam and his father is 65 and he was exposed to agent orange and he's dying. Howard said this war was insane and the protesting stopped it. Robin said it didn't happen over night. Howard said it took time but finally it stopped. Howard said he would watch TV and eat while watching this fighting going on. Howard said you became so incensed. Howard said it brought down the war. Howard said that his daughter says the people are lovely over there. He said that she didn't even see that much evidence for communism over there. Howard said it still blows his mind that it was going on. Howard said he was getting near draft age. He said he had a draft number and his number was pretty good but then the war ended. Howard said he wouldn't have done very well if he had been drafted. He said his mother told him he's have to go to Canada. Howard said that would have been messed up if he had to live up there. He said he wants to live in the United States.
Howard said a lot of people got off on a psychiatric evaluation. Howard said that Bruce Springsteen talks about that in his book. Gary remembered that and said that Bruce had friends who got out of it by making themselves smell really bad by pouring milk on themselves and then not showering for 3 days.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got into radio but he's out of it now and wants to get back into it. He said he likes talking sports. He said he has some clips for him to listen to. Howard said he should play them now. He said he's not doing anything. Howard said he can't evaluate the sports talk stuff. The caller played one but it sounded awful. Howard said he likes it. It was really muffled and sounded awful. Howard said he should definitely be in radio. Howard asked where he radio checked that. The guy said he hasn't been in radio for a while. Howard said he wants to hear more. The clips were really muffled but Howard kept asking for more. Howard asked what kind of radio station that is. Robin said he must have just made something up or he was just listening to radio. Howard said he sees big things for him. He said every time it gets good he cuts it off. The caller played more and it was even more muffled than before. Howard said imagine he gets him on the radio and he plays this. He said his air check is this. Howard said he needs to hear more. The guy said he knows he's fucking with him. Howard said he's not. Howard said he's never heard an air check like this before.
Howard said he's not sure why a guy in radio would have such poor quality audio. Howard said it should be clear. The caller said that he wasn't prepared for this call. Howard said it sounds like JD radio or something. Howard said he should be prepared. The caller said he is prepared. He said that he was seriously asking him to listen to 2 or 3 clips. The caller asked if he knows what he was even talking about. Howard said don't question him on that. Howard had him play more and laughed when it was all muffled again. Howard told the guy it sounds awesome. The caller said he just got up 30 minutes ago. He said he usually doesn't get on the air. The caller, Kevin, said that he wants to send in the clips so he can hear them. Howard said he likes it. Kevin said he's bullshitting him. Howard said he just said he likes it. Howard said he's not sure what he did wrong. Howard said he called him and played him a tape and he said he liked it and the guy is yelling at him. Kevin knew that Howard was fucking with him. Howard said it's unique and he can quote him on that.
Howard said he wants him to send that clip to Kevin Weatherly in California. Howard asked if he has heard of him. Kevin said he hasn't. Howard said he's going to hear that and he'll know what to do with him. He said Kevin is a genius.
Kevin asked why Mike Walker isn't on the show anymore. Howard said he's on right now. He muffled his voice so he sounded like Kevin's clip. Howard let him go after that. He said that was some tape that guy had. He said he should have been ready. Robin said he called and he should have had himself set up. Howard said he started yelling at him instead. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from California Bobo who said he has a problem. He said he's been talking to a girl on Tinder who he met and she had vocal fry when he met her. Howard said if she's hot and fun and everything then the vocal fry might be okay. Howard said it would make him nuts but he's not sure he'd turn her down. Howard said some guys could tell her about it but he thinks he'd just have to put up with it. Howard said if he's just going to bang her once then ignore it.
Howard said he got some email from some people about the vocal fry thing. Howard said this guy is saying that it's to make them seem sincere when they do that vocal fry thing. Howard said another guy blames it on Kim Kardashian who did it in the first season of her show. Howard read another one who said that it started with Paris Hilton on her show. Howard said this guy thinks that they do it to sound cool and rich. Howard said this guy traces it back to Governor Ventura. Howard said he has it when he runs out of breath.
Howard said that someone traced it back to them. Howard said this was from 1985 when he did a live commercial read. Howard played the clip and Howard was doing that vocal fry thing way back then. Howard told Robin that it turns women on. Howard said he was doing it in 85. Howard said it's getting so bad that on The Bachelor this woman has it so bad. He said it's the worst he's ever heard. Howard played a clip and they had a clip of just frog ribbit sounds talking to the Bachelor. The caller asked if you can be a 10 if you have vocal fry. Howard said sure but it is a turn off.
Robin said that guy Earl Bailey has a really deep voice and it's like vocal fry. Robin said they have to get some air checks of him. Howard did an impression of him speaking with that deep vocal fry voice.
Howard played a phony phone call where they call this guy and do an impression of a guy with a really weird voice. They had a woman doing a weird voice like the radio show host's voice. The host yells at them as they're doing their impressions of him.
Howard said that is the continuing series with that guy. Howard said he's at war with the trolls. Howard had one of the guys in the back who does the impression of that host. He spent a short time talking to him about the calls. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that El Chapo is in New York. Howard said he has a message for Robin now that he's there. Howard played the bit and they had El Chapo saying he's there in New York and he is willing to give his hot tamale in a conjugal visit. The part of El Chapo sounded like it was being played by Ham Hands Bill.
Howard said a lot of the guys said that Richard cried over the death of Yordano Ventura from the Kansas City Royals. Richard said he can't even talk about it. He said he's so fun to watch and he was so passionate and he's so upset about his death. Howard said he is crying now. Richard said they sat on the couch balling yesterday when they found out the news. Howard said he's never seen him this shook up. Richard said he is upset. Howard said he's more sad about the Royals guy than the other guy. Richard said he made him so happy for what he did. Howard said Richard is awesome.
Howard played a voicemail from Richard's dad where he asked if he heard the news about Ventura. He wasn't crying though. Richard said he probably got himself together before he called. Howard asked if this is worse than when King of the Hill went off the air. Richard said this is worse. He said this is a person and not a cartoon. Richard said he knows that this is more upsetting.
Howard said Richard did cry when Cotton from King of the Hill died. Richard said the world is such a brutal place and watching baseball gets his mind off the craziness. Richard said that Ventura was great and so passionate about the game.
Howard asked if this is more upsetting than his guinea pig Taco dying. Richard said they're not the same thing. He said it's awful to lose a pet. Howard played some audio of Taco squeaking. Richard said that's so cute. Howard said he can go now. Robin asked why they would want to look at the staff's cocks. Richard said he was thinking maybe JD has some weird veins they can laugh at or something.
Howard had Sal come in and asked if he has veins on his. Sal said he does. He said he thinks it would be funny if Gary came in and compared it to his. Gary said there is no way he's going to do that.
Howard asked Richard and Sal to check each other's cocks out. Howard said this is so ridiculous. Sal showed Richard his cock and Richard said it's very veiny. Sal had him look closer. He ended up touching his cock. Sal said he has a purple vein there. He said Richard can be a fortune teller with his veins.
Howard asked what this was for. Richard said it was just to be stupid. He said Sal's vein looks like the river Nile. Howard said Robin is a girl and she doesn't think about this. Richard said he has to go wash his hands. He was just touching Sal's cock. Howard said now Sal has to see Richard's cock. He said he can try to see it while it's up his ass.
Sal checked out Richard's cock and said it smells like beer. Howard asked how veiny Robin's vagina is. Robin said ''Oh my god.'' Sal said he has a nice vein on his cock. Howard said that's why Richard wanted to show it off. Howard said this is his opportunity to show off his cock. Richard said he heard a song parody about Ronnie's father's veiny cock and he thought of this.
Sal asked if anyone else wants to come in and show off their cocks. Howard asked who Richard thinks has a big vein. Richard said he thinks Gary does. Gary asked why he would. Richard said he doesn't want to say this like a put down but he's kind of animal-ish. He said he's kind of hairy and manly. Sal said Gary walks like an ape so he does kind of do that thing where he has his chest out like an orangutan. Howard said he's a vegetarian now and he hardly has smelly shits. He said he might have Sal and Richard come in to smell it next time he shits. He said he might have a veiny asshole too.
Howard said Sal pulled down his pants and Richard went in to check it out and he put his asshole on his nose. Sal said that Gary's shits are worse than an animal. He said that it's like alien shit. Robin said they're so bad. Howard said Gary doesn't like vegetables. Howard said he doesn't have any ruffage either so it probably sticks to his ass. Gary said he hasn't shit there in like 6 or 7 years. Richard said they remember the last time he shit there. Sal said that it was so bad that Japan could smell it. He said it was wafting down the hallway like a ghost.
Howard said for a while Gary was eating artificial crab meat. He wondered what that was. Robin said it's some kind of fish that they paint. Sal said it's like Tilapia that's painted red. Richard said maybe Gary eats the shrimp that still have the shit in them. Gary said he eats the shrimp that are cleaned.
Howard asked if Caitlyn Jenner danced with Trump. Gary said he saw on TMZ that she was looking really irritated when they tried to interview her about that. Howard said there is a story about how his advisors tried to get him to dance with her. Howard said that he was being urged to save a dance for her. Howard said he would dance with her. Howard said he does it to get laughs though. Richard said that would get laughs.
Howard read more about what they said about the Trump and Jenner dance thing. Sal said that Melania looked amazing at the inauguration.
Howard said he bets that Bruce Jenner had a big, veiny cock. Sal said he probably did. Howard wondered if the estrogen would make it smooth. Richard said he'd have to check that one out.
Sal asked if Caitlyn still has a cock. Howard said she does. Howard said she has something called a nut pussy. Howard said they said if he danced with Trump she'd have to lead because it's bigger.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she just threw up listening to Richard talking about his veins. Howard asked if she looks for veins in a cock. She said she looks for length and girth. Howard said Richard does that too. The caller said Richard is gay.
Howard took a call from a guy calling himself the Bronx Bobo who asked if he can put Richard and Sal on at 9:30 because he won't be on his way to work at that point.
Howard said he has some gay music for the boys. He played a song parody about Richard and Sal coming out. They started to undress and dance. Richard said Sal's asshole looked weird just now. Sal said he might have a hemorrhoid. Howard told him to show Robin. Sal said he would know if it was a hemorrhoid. Sal showed it to Robin and Robin said it is a hemorrhoid. Howard said there's something white in there. Howard said he swears. Robin said it's like a pimple. Richard said he has a Siamese twin. Howard said take a picture of that asshole. Howard said look what's doing in there. Howard said talk about not being human. Howard said he has a white thing in there. Richard said it's like a pus filled thing. Howard said he wants to blow it up and look at it. Jason came in and took a picture of it.
Howard said he has to see the picture. He said he has to see what's doing in there. Howard took a look. Howard said he didn't get a good picture. He told him to get the white thing in there. They bent Sal over and Richard spread his asshole apart. Jason got a picture of it. Richard said he smelled like shit back there.
Howard took a look at Sal's asshole and told him to look at that. He said he should go to a doctor. Sal saw it and Richard stared gagging. He said when there's light on it then it's even worse. He said it looks like a giant pimple. Howard told Robin to look. Robin said ''Oh my god!'' She was grossed out too. Richard said there are veins in it too. Howard said it looks like he has Benjy's face growing in his ass.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a doctor. He said that it's like a skin tag. He asked if he's had a colonoscopy. Sal said he hasn't yet. He said he has had fingers up his ass. The caller said he should get it done. He said if he's close to 50 he should get it done but it's probably just a skin tag.
Howard said Sal had some kind of cancer on his ass. Sal said he did have a melanoma on his ass. He said he still has a scar from that. The caller said he should get that checked out. Sal said he does get a checkup every 6 months.
Howard said he got a lot of mail about the sleep paralysis thing from last week. Howard said someone wrote in and said it's a sleep disorder and he's just unable to know when he's sleeping. Howard said this guy called Sal a moron. Howard read a few more emails about his dopey story from last week. He had a bunch of people calling him a moron thinking he had an out of body experience. Sal said he's right and he's just going to leave it at that. Richard said he's kind of upset he didn't share the story with him. He only told Benjy about it.
Howard said people loved Tanner Mom last week. Howard said they want her back. Howard said Sal once shit in a bathtub to get back at them. Sal said he did that. Robin said he once shit in the toilet tank. Sal said Joey Boots did that at his mom's house. He said his mom is still really angry about that. Howard asked what the point of that is. Sal said the water turns brown and you don't know why because there's shit in the tank. He said his mom asked what was going on and he lifted the lid and there was a turd in there. Howard asked why Joey would do that. Sal said he was just being Joey Boots. Howard said he would be so upset by that. Sal said his mom was really upset about it.
Howard asked why Sal shit in the tub. Sal said he went to hook up with some girls and one girl said he was gross because he had a cough. He said he got upset and shit in her tub. He said he just let a turd out in her tub. Howard asked if that made him feel better. Sal said it did at the time. Howard said it's some legacy Sal leaves behind.
Howard asked what happens after Joey does the upper decker. Sal said he cleaned it out. Howard asked how he did that. Sal said this was in 2006 so it was a long time ago. Howard said he wants to know how to clean it out. Sal said he thinks he wrapped toilet paper around his hand and went in and scooped it out. Howard said the doody must be all over the tank. Sal said his mom had to flush about 15 times to get clear water. Sal said Joey laughed it off. He said in some odd way he takes responsibility. Sal said he never brought Joey back after that. Howard said it's a very angry thing to shit in a toilet tank.
Howard said he would never shit in a woman's tub. Sal said it was a college thing. He said she humiliated him. Howard said she has the right to turn him down. Sal said he's right. Howard said there is a woman out there who has that memory. Howard said she knows that it was Sal. Sal said he's sure she has a lot of worse memories. He said she was pretty ''out there'' herself. He said she liked to have fun. He said that's all he's going to say. He said he's sorry for shitting in her tub. Howard said that's a sweet apology.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up vocal fry and said he had it himself. He said he went to a speech pathologist for 3 years. Howard thanked him for the call. He said he doesn't have time to figure this out. Robin had to explain it to him. Howard said if some fuck did what Sal did to his daughter he'd be pissed. Sal said that the bathroom was a communal bathroom so it wasn't just her bathroom.
Richard said he had a guy shit on his windshield and he rubbed the guy's nose right in it. He told Sal not to try that around him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that when you shit in the toilet tank the shit gets filtered through and he's sure Joey's DNA is still in there. Howard said maybe they could clone Joey from Sal's toilet. Sal said he never thought of that.
Howard asked if Sal is upset that Joey died. Sal said of course he is. He said that he loved Joey. He said you have to expect the consequences when you invite Joey to your mom's house. Howard said he'd never do anything like that. Sal said Joey just giggled it off. Sal said his mom was really upset about it. Sal said he thinks his mom was a little upset that Joey died. Howard said that would be a story his mother would never forget. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about the upper decker. He said there would be no end to that story.
Sal said he told Joey it wasn't right. Howard did more of his impression of his parents discussing the upper decker. Howard said it would be like the holocaust if that happened to his parents. He had his parents talking about getting a plumber to fix it. He said his mother hid in the attic like Anne Frank.
Sal said at least Joey left them with a story to tell. The caller asked if it was chunky or solid. Sal said it was broken up a bit.
Shuli came in and said years ago he was invited to the set of Drew Carey's show by Sam Simon. He said he was there for a few hours. He said he had to shit. He said he took a bad shit and when he went to flush it just made a clink sound. He said there was no water in the toilet. He said he realized it was on a pallet and it had wheels on it. He had just shit in the prop toilet on the set. He said it had walls but no ceiling. Shuli said he told Sam he had to run home for a family emergency. He said Sam called him out on it a few months later.
Howard said they were talking about Sal and Richard being gay. Howard asked how Shuli didn't know he was in a fake bathroom. Howard said he's not sure how he got into the shit talk when all he wanted was an excuse to play the song parodies about Sal and Richard being gay. He played one of them after that. Howard said this was an interesting morning talking about all of that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that he got a compliment the other day. He said someone wrote about how he's been letting the Robin songs play all the way through instead of cutting them off. Howard said he has a new one from James Cargill. He said he can sing. Robin said she heard something about an Up Close and Personal thing with Eli Braden. Howard played a clip of what she was talking about. They had Eli talking about what inspires him to write his songs about Robin.
Robin said that sounds like such a waste of time. Howard said everything on the show is a waste of time. He asked if she heard the rest of the show. Howard played another song parody about Robin. Howard said that was James Cargill. He said he does all the standards. He said he has a beautiful voice. Howard said he should have performed at the inauguration.
Howard took a call from a guy who said sometimes he reminisces about the past. He said he loves the old Robin theme. He asked if they ever think about playing that. Fred played it. Howard asked if Fred thinks about it. Fred said he does occasionally but the newer one is so iconic at this point. He said it was when Robin was on her vision quest. Robin said she wasn't even looking for a job and listen to the sound quality. Howard asked what instruments they are using. He said they must be made of human bones. He said it's the most horrible song ever. Robin said it's like in the Godfather again. She said that's what it's like.
Howard said when Trump was inaugurated it was like Michael Corleone at the baptism while everyone was getting killed. Howard said he's never heard anything like what went on at the inauguration. Howard played a clip of that Missouri choral group singing. Howard asked Robin to sing along with that. Fred played some clips of her singing.
Howard said Tom Hanks had a lot of wisdom to give too. He played a clip of Tom quoting some football player who said ''Throw deep, baby!'' He quoted someone else that got a huge round of applause.
Howard said Blake Lively won an award for some movie she was in where a killer shark was trying to eat her. Howard said he's not sure who she is. Robin said she's married to Ryan Reynolds. Howard said she says that people voted for her because of girl power. Howard played the clip of her talking about that. Howard said she has to have a great life. He said she's married to one of the hottest guys in Hollywood. Robin said she's in a bikini the whole movie. Fred said it's called The Shallows. Howard said he has to see that.
Howard gave another speech and gave his ''Two in the pink, one in the stink'' wisdom. Howard also said ''If it's yellow let it mellow.''
Howard said Johnny Depp was given a movie icon award. Howard said that's good. He said he can put people to work. He said that people are sticking with him even after that whole thing went on with his wife. Howard said the guy can barely talk though. Howard played a clip and Johnny was speaking in a very odd way. He thanked people for sticking by him.
Howard said that's a cool move. He said not being able to communicate is cool. Howard said that's what it was like where he grew up in Roosevelt. Howard said Johnny wasn't able to get it together. Robin said he just took a long time to thank people for sticking by him. Howard said that you know he can talk. He said it's like Michael Jackson when he was on trial. He said he had no problem speaking once he was on the stand. Howard said his voice even went down a couple of octaves. Howard said he suspects Johnny can speak. He said he can do it in a movie no problem.
Howard said Fred can play Madonna's ''Justify My Love.'' Howard said that she used a Jewish song at the start of that. He said she didn't know what he was talking about when he talked to her about it. Howard said this is the version he has on his playlist though. Fred played the song and Howard spent a minute talking about how he brought it up with Madonna but he didn't remember the name of the song so he just dropped it. Howard said he still hasn't gone to the bathroom. He said he likes this version of the song. He said he doesn't think he could handle Madonna in bed. He said she must be able to fuck.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has seen Andrew Dice Clay's new show on FOX. He said he seems to be really jealous on the show. Howard said he doesn't know about this show. Howard said he hasn't seen this. He knows about the other TV show he had but not this new one. Howard said he likes the sitcom. The caller said it's nice to see Dice in a show but he's really protective of his wife. Howard said he doesn't know the show so he can't comment.
Howard played a new Jack and Rod Show bit where they talk to an author about his new book. They got the guy on the phone and then said they were out of time and ended the show.
Howard said they were talking about Caitlyn Jenner and she was on Jay Leno's Garage. Howard said she's not doing a lot to change her voice. Howard said she still sounds very dude like. Robin said that was her complaint about her TV show. Howard said if he went transgender he'd work on the voice. Robin said there's something more he can do. Robin said there is a way women talk that men don't. Howard said the illusion's not there if you don't do something about it.
Howard played a clip from Jay Leno's Garage where Jay was talking to Caitlyn and Kendall Jenner. Howard said when you're talking cars maybe you have to act like that. Howard played another clip of Jay talking to Caitlyn and she sounded like Bruce Jenner.
Howard said Jay sounds more feminine than Caitlyn. He said he's all for whatever anyone wants to do. Howard said he loves the transgender stuff. Howard said there's a million of those shows about transgender people. Howard said he likes that stuff. He said he's into cutting off the cock and getting titties. Howard said he's into extreme behavior. Howard said he likes guys who look like hot chicks. He said that blows his mind. He said he loves watching that. He said his TiVo probably thinks he's a dude who wants to chop off his cock.
Howard said he got a note saying that Sour was banned from using the phone until he paid off the phone bill. Howard played a clip of Sour calling the Dan Patrick show as David Lee Roth. Sour's did the Roth impression and then changed into Nicole Bass and did his Gary ''Noine'' thing. Then he did a Bernie Sanders impression. Dan asked him if Baba Booey had any picks for this week. Sour went into his Gary impression and made some picks. He even did a quick Jon Hein impression. Howard said it's weird because he's using the show people on another show. Howard said Dan is a nice guy so let him have it. Howard said he thinks Tanner Mom is calling into that show today. Howard said Sour is calling into the voicemail and leaving messages.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he'd ever watch transgender porn. Howard said he's not into that shit. He said that's not his thing. He said it has to be a chick. Howard said he's not being macho, that's just not his thing. He said he's glad it's not because it's too freaky to him. He said he doesn't want to fuck a girl with a fake vagina.
Howard said that he can imagine being in a porno with Caitlyn Jenner. Howard said he imagines a movie where he gets stranded on an island with Caitlyn and she's not into him.
Gary asked if he would rather be with Nicole Bass or a super hot tranny. Howard said he'd go with the super hot tranny. Howard said Nicole is built like a man. Howard said he would have to be with a transsexual. Howard said put him on the island right now. Robin said Howard would be so in love and he'd be doing everything.
Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said he was going to tell Robin something earlier. He forgot what it was. He said he reads the live commercials and everything goes out of his head. Howard said he was so excited to tell Robin about it. He said whatever it was made him laugh.
Howard said Bill Maher cracked a joke about him. He said it was something about how he pays people to laugh at him or something. Gary said it was something about people laughing at trump because they work for him and it's how Howard's people do the same thing. Howard said he gets it. He said Bill is still pissed off at him. He said they almost ended their feud. He said evidently he was funny because he wanted to produce a beauty pageant with him and he said no. Howard said Bill wanted to do a MILF beauty pageant and he said no and then Bill got pissed at him. He said Bill called him at his house. He said he used to have the guy on the show. Then he got bent out of shape. Howard said he also said that Bill was wrong for calling the 9/11 guys ''brave.'' Howard said he didn't agree with him. He said he thinks Bill is mad at him for a bunch of reasons.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel contacted Bill and he told Jimmy to tell Bill that he wanted him on the show. He said Bill was going to put everything aside if he comes on his show. Howard said he doesn't want to go on that show. He's not a political commentator. Howard said he likes the show but he wouldn't have anything to say. Howard said he doesn't see himself as Dick Gregory or something. Howard said it works well for Bill but that's just not his thing.
Gary said that Carol Leifer is friends with him and he reached out to her and Carol said Bill said no. He said that was like 4 years ago. Howard said Bill said all would be forgiven if he came on his show. Howard said he's not sure what he'd be forgiving him for though. Howard said he said hi to Bill at a bar years ago in California. He said that's the last he saw him.
Gary said Jenna Jameson was talking about Bill on Twitter calling him out for being at the Playboy mansion after calling Trump out for pussy grabbing.
Howard said Bill thinks he did something to him even though he didn't. Howard said he thinks he's upset about him not sticking up for him about the 9/11 guys. Howard said it's so stupid to fight about this stuff. He said he might ask Bill if he's retarded if he ran into him.
Howard played a clip of Bill Maher insulting him on his show. In the clip Bill was talking about Trump and having your ''claque'' there to laugh at you like Howard Stern does. Howard said that's how he built his show. He said that he doesn't know jack shit about him. He said he didn't have a zoo around him. He said he had real people around him. Howard said they laugh when they laugh and don't when they don't. Howard asked why he'd want him on the show if he thinks that's what the show is. Howard said Fred is his ''claque.'' Fred said it was like Maher came out of left field with that comment. Howard asked what a ''claque'' is anyway. He asked if that's even a word. Robin said it must be if Bill is using it.
Howard said Bill must think he's a really horny guy to do a MILF beauty pageant. Fred looked up the term ''claque'' and said it is a word. Howard said that he thinks that Bill's show has a laugh and applaud sign. Howard said he bets they are told to laugh and hoop it up. Howard said the guy doesn't know a thing about him. He said he's a douche bag. Howard told him to shut the fuck up about him. He told him to talk about Trump or Hillary or something. Howard said don't worry about him. Howard told him to shut up about him and don't fuck with him.
Howard said he has some audio from Bill's show. He said he won't even play them. He said the guy has no viewers. Howard said he might be the only one. He said Bill knows he has no viewers.
Howard said in another clip there's a CNN reporter getting drowned out at a subway stop. He played that clip and the subway was so loud that the reporter couldn't be heard for a few seconds. Howard said he's not sure why they're even outside. He said they're not doing anything but being outside. Robin said it makes it more compelling when they're out there.
Howard said in this one there's a Colorado weather man who is out in the wind. Howard played that one and the wind sounded like thunder. The guy was talking but couldn't be heard.
Howard said that guy who called in the 7 o'clock hour emailed the audio of his air check. He said it still sounds bad. He played some of it and it was still bad quality but not as bad as it was over the phone. Howard said it's still bad. Howard played a little bit of that and said it sounds a little better. Robin wasn't sure which guy he was out of the two speaking.
Howard played a clip from a NHL game where the roof collapsed during a broadcast. Howard said the whole roof came caving in over the guys. He said that was pretty scary.
Howard picked up on Kevin the air check guy and he said that wasn't him in the clip. Howard said it was him. He played it again and told Kevin that when he plays stuff it's nice and clear. He said he's not sure how he's taping it but it's awful. Kevin asked if it really sounds that bad. He said this was from 10 years ago and they were using cassette tapes. Howard said everything they have on Best Of was on cassette too. Kevin said he doesn't have the equipment. Howard said he should do something about that. He said he has to come up with something that sounds better. Howard said that's like if he sent him a resume with tomato sauce on it. Howard said they're going to think he's lazy.
Howard said that he has to find something where he's talking and not two guys. Kevin said it doesn't sound bad at all on his computer. Howard said he doesn't know anything about sports talk. Kevin said he thinks he could be good on radio. Howard said he has to clean up the tape and then he'll listen to it. Kevin said he'll do that. He said he'll get it back to him in a week. Howard said he should have just said it sounds great. Robin said now he has to listen to it again.
Howard said he has another news clip to play. In this one a reporter is at the scene of a train wreck and then a car accident happens and almost hits the guy. Howard played that one and they cut away as soon as it happened. Howard said these guys think they can stand anywhere. He said this car just came flying in. Robin said the Weather Channel cracks her up because they go out in the wind and she's waiting for the day when they get blown away.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she called in recently and she was looking to send in something for him to try out. She said that she painted a bowl for him and he threw it out. Howard asked why she would send him more. She said he's Howard Stern. She said he was peace and loving her last time. Howard asked what's going on today. He said it's weird. Howard said he doesn't want the bowls. He said he has stuff. The caller said she did them for the cats. Howard said he doesn't want bowls for the cats. He said he's up to his ass in cat bowls. He told her to give them to her parents or something.
Howard took a call from another woman who said that she would like to write her life story. She said she found out that her husband of 20 years had a 4 year old son that wasn't her's. Howard asked if he had a second family. She said it was something like that. She said she had some health issues and he cheated on her. She said two days after the child was born she had a massive stroke. Robin asked if they're still together. She said they're not. She said he got addicted to opiates after back surgery. The caller said she'd like to find someone to write her life story so she can make a movie. Howard asked who would wanted to see that. He told her his problem that he has a woman who wants to send him cat bowls.
Robin read a story about Gavin and Gwen Stefani being separated a long time but now Gavin is saying he never wanted the divorce. Robin said he says he still thinks she's incredible. Robin asked what happened there. Howard said it must be complicated and he got caught up in something. Robin said he had a wife and family and he has to figure out that it means something to him.
Robin read a story about Trump's press secretary coming out and lying in his first press conference. Howard said that was really weird. Robin said the President went to the CIA saying he never had a problem with the intelligence agency and that was all trumped up by the media. Howard said they had tweets about it though. Robin said they had evidence. Robin said they talked to that Kellyanne Conway over the weekend and she's the president of spin. Robin said she was on the TV shows talking about the press secretary and the press conference. Robin said Kellyanne said they presented ''alternate facts'' to what the media gave. Howard said they said they weren't true though. Robin said they just weren't facts. Robin said some people are saying it's an outright lie. Robin said the press secretary has no credibility now and he lost it in his first press conference. Robin said they're waiting to see if he holds a white house briefing today. Howard said it's not a good start.
Robin read about how they're looking to repeal Obamacare and people are worried that their health coverage will disappear. Robin said Kellyanne Conway is saying that it won't leave 20 million people without health coverage. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Robin said that she also claims that people don't care about his tax returns so they won't be releasing them. Howard said he'd be interested in seeing them.
Robin read a story about how the press had claimed that Trump removed the bust of Martin Luther King from the Oval Office. It turns out that it wasn't true. Robin said that someone was just standing in front of it when a photo was taken. Robin said we have to get the facts right and not just react.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he hits on a girl because he's having trouble with that. Howard said he's asking the wrong guy. Howard said he had trouble with that himself before he got famous. Howard asked the caller when he last hit on a girl. The guy said he's 27 and he last hit on a girl in high school. He said he tries and it doesn't work. Howard asked if he's a virgin. The guy said he is the 27 year old virgin. Howard asked what happens. The caller, Renell, said that the thing between his legs gets hard. Howard said he's talked to this guy before. He said he's blind. Renell said he is. Howard asked if he blows a load in his pants. Renell said sometimes he does. He said their smiles turn him on. Howard said he can see though because he wears glasses. Howard said he's a tough customer. He said he's out of advice. Howard asked if this is the guy who had tumors in his eyes as a baby. Renell said he is. He said he can see some things. Robin said he's not remembering to tell him to take care of himself before going to talk to a woman. Howard said it might not matter with this guy.
Howard asked the guys if they know this Renell guy. Howard asked what else is wrong with this guy. Renell said he has Asperger syndrome. Howard said maybe he should go to an Asperger meeting or something. Gary said he has some notes on this guy. He said he hasn't gotten laid and the closest he's come is hugging a girl. He also likes trains. Howard asked how he lost his eyes. Renell said he didn't lose them entirely. Howard said he's not sure what to tell the guy. Howard asked if he will be with an ugly girl. Renell asked for a Dial-A-Date. Howard said he has to think about that. He said he'll get back to him if he has any thoughts. Howard said he seems like a nice guy.
Howard asked Renell what he does all day. He asked if he has a job. Renell said he doesn't. He said he's in the midst of making a dance video. Howard told Fred to just blow the guy. He said he'll never be able to tell the difference. Howard asked how often he jerks off. Renell said he doesn't do it too often. Howard let Renell go after that. He said he's a nice guy and he feels bad for him. He said he could have him down there and put the guys in dresses to hug him. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break, around 10:30am, they played a Drinking Tip from Richard Christy bit and a ''In Search Of...'' parody about Big Foot. Howard came back and did another live commercial read as Fred started to play a Green Day song.
Howard said he's feeling kind of blah today. He said he just peed and he got a hair cut and he had to pull his hair out. He said it's kind of tight curls. He said that he has to pull it out. He said it should calm down in a few days. He said his hair freaks out after a hair cut.
Howard said he has to do some stuff today like go to the dentist for a cleaning. He said he just wants ''me time.'' He said he has to do the maintaining thing though. He said that he's frustrated. Howard said he wants things to be the way they should be for him. He said he has to do it to get his teeth cleaned.
Robin got back to her news and read about how they're thinking of moving the Israeli embassy to Jerusalem. Howard said the should do that.
Robin read about how Baron Trump was the subject of a lot of tweets during the inauguration. Howard said he didn't like that. Robin said he is just a child and people had to be reminded of that. Robin said that Chelsea Clinton came to his rescue and wrote about how he has to be allowed to be a kid. Howard said he would have had a hard time with that if his dad was president too. Howard said Chelsea got it the worst. He said he didn't like that. Robin said she thinks that Sarah Palin's kids got a lot of it too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how much pussy Baron is going to get some day. Howard said it's probably going to be a lot. Robin said the other Trump kids got married pretty quickly. Howard said the Bush Twins had a lot of people beating off to them. He said that's rampant in this country.
The caller was asking if Baron is going to look at his sister like his father does. Howard said now it's getting weird. He let the caller go.
Robin read more news about the women's marches that were going on in this country and others. Robin had some audio of America Ferrara speaking at one of the marches. Howard said Renell should have gone to one of those marches. Robin said he should have told him to go to the next one.
Robin read a story about Madonna making a speech and how she thought about blowing up the White House. Howard said that's the kind of shit that gets you thrown in jail. Robin said Madonna explained that away and said she wants to start a revolution of love.
Robin said Michael Moore spoke at the march too. Robin had some audio of Moore talking about how he doesn't think Trump is taking power. Robin had some audio of some other people who spoke there at the march in Washington DC. Robin mentioned Gloria Steinem and that led to Howard asking about how he sat in front of her on a plane once with his mom and he tried to get her attention by talking to his mom really loud. Robin had audio of Gloria speaking at the march. Robin had audio of Ashley Judd reading a poem about how she's a nasty woman.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked why they call it a protest when white people do it but it's a riot when black people do it. Howard said that's not true. He said he's seen it called a protest. Robin said it's the looting when they call it a riot. Robin said that the women were so non-violent that only 4 arrests were made around the country.
King asked Howard and Robin if they were walking down the street at 11 or 12 at night. They see a black, Asian or white guy, who are they scared of the most. Howard said they're not walking down any streets at this point. Howard let King go after that.
Robin had more clips of people like Scarlett Johansson speaking at the march. Howard said she's so hot. He said she has a new hairdo and she looks really good. Robin said that Alicia Keys spoke too. Howard said she looks good even without makeup. Robin had Howard play some audio of her speaking at the march. She had audio of Whoopi Goldberg there too.
Robin read a story about Stacy Dash and how her contract wasn't renewed at FOX News. Robin said that some people are saying she was fired for comments she made on air about the transgender community. Robin had some audio of Stacy talking about transgender people and how she won't put her child's life at risk by changing a law. Howard said she's so weird. Howard said you have to lighten up on people. Robin said there's not a woman's room in the world that doesn't have a stall and she's not in danger. Howard said she starred in Sharknado 4 with Benjy said she's doing fine. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who was wondering why Howard won't take his call. Howard asked what his problem is. Jeff asked what it is. Howard said he takes more calls from him than anyone else. Howard said he always takes his calls. Jeff said he called about fucking football and he didn't pick up. He said he called about The Bachelor and he didn't pick up. Howard said the phones are packed and he can't pick up every time he calls. Jeff said he has someone in his stable who is going to the Super Bowl and he played for the Falcons. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about.
Howard took a call from The Lump who went off on Jeff for his boring call. He said his cowboy hat is starting to smell bad. Jeff said it's not dirty. Howard asked if he has anymore details about the guy going to the Super Bowl. Jeff said he's playing in it. Howard said that's a good story. Jeff said it is a good story. Jeff hung up. Howard let The Lump go after that.
Robin read a story about the Pope talking about Donald Trump and what he thinks of him. Robin said the Dalai Lama has also said we need peace in this world and leaders who are on the same page.
Robin read a story about Roman Polanski being selected to serve on a panel for the Cesar Awards and some people are very upset about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about GMO food products and asked Howard where he stands on that. Howard said he's all for it. Howard said he's against it when Robin corrected him on some things he thought about them. Robin said that some GMO apples will be showing up on store shelves soon. Robin said they've figured out a way to turn off the browning. Robin said now you won't know if they're going bad. Howard said he thought genetic modification was for having stronger crops and stuff. Robin said some stores won't be labeling them as GMO. Howard said it's pretty amazing that they figured out a way to turn off the browning. Robin said they should figure out away to add more nutrition to apples.
Howard took another call from King of All Blacks who asked if he has some kind of special coat. Howard said he just has a regular coat. King asked what he buys. Howard said he doesn't buy anything. He said he tells his wife to go buy stuff. Howard said he's very simple. He said he just wants to read and paint. He said he likes to read books on his Kindle. He said he just wants to be left alone at home. King said that his wife buys all kinds of expensive stuff. Howard said that's fine. He said he has a Toto toilet that washes his asshole. He said that's about it. He let King go and got back to the news.
Robin read a story about some storms in Georgia that claimed some lives in Mississippi. Robin said this is the storm that's heading up their way in New York. Robin said that it could take down some power lines and things like that. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said he didn't know this was happening today. He said it's going to fuck up his day. Robin said the big worry is coastal cities. Howard said he doesn't have time for a Nor'easter. Howard asked where the best place to live is. Robin said every place has problems. Robin said even California has mud slides and fires.
Robin read about Samsung saying that they know the reason for the Note 7 battery fires. Robin said some of the batteries were too big for their casings and another batch had a welding issue. Robin said some of them were missing insulation tape. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Aziz Ansari hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. Robin said his whole monologue was about the President and his policies. Robin had some audio from the show.
Howard said some guy in a hate group had to resign because it turns out his wife was Jewish. Howard said maybe it was some bullshit story. Jason said it was one of the Alt Right guys and they did find out his wife was Jewish. Howard said imagine apologizing because your wife is Jewish. Robin had more Aziz Ansari audio for Howard to play.
Robin read a story about the baseball players who died in the Dominican Republic. Robin said one of them was Yordano Ventura who Richard talked about earlier. Robin had some audio of someone talking about his death.
Robin read a story about who will be playing in the Super Bowl. Robin said that they'll be playing in Houston. Robin said that President Herbert Walker Bush and his wife ended up in the hospital over the weekend. Robin said that they're hoping that they are both released soon.
Robin read about Luke Brian being tapped to sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl this year. Robin had some audio of his singing for Howard to play.
Robin read about how the new M. Night Shyamalan movie ''Split'' being number one at the box office. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how he's in the middle of something with Beth that he has to handle. He had to reach for his man bag and it was heavy so he was straining to pick it up. Howard said Beth did it. He said he loves her very much. Robin asked why he's saying that. Howard said he really loves that woman and he's trying not to be critical. He said they have a phone set up in the house and at night he needs to get sleep. He said he has it set up so it turns off all of the phones at night. Howard said they hit one button and it turns off all the phones. He said he turns them back on in the morning. He forgot this morning. He texted Beth to tell her to turn the back on. Howard said she didn't know how to do it and said he has to do it. Howard said they've had it for years and he told her she has to take 5 minutes to figure it out. Howard said he had to tell her how to turn them back on. He was texting all of this to her. He said it's easy. He said Beth hates the phones. He said he gets so depressed about it. He said she won't look at the phone. He said she doesn't want to learn it.
Howard said even with Beth's cell phone he tells her she can swipe up to turn it on but then he tries to show her and she gets angry with him. Howard said he went to explain the phone system to her and she says not now. He said that she loves her phone and she won't talk to him on a walk because she's on Instagram all the time. Howard said she has him to lead her around. He's the eyes.
Robin said she knows there are some things that are easy for her and there's a point where she won't do it. Robin said she could learn it but she doesn't want to. Howard said he doesn't want to learn a phone system or a phone but he takes 20 minutes to learn it and does it. He said it's not that he wants to do it. Robin said you hit a wall and don't want to do some things.
Howard said Beth keeps a paper calendar and he shows her how he does it on his phone. Howard said he tells her she'd love it and she won't. Howard said Beth gets annoyed that she's not using it. He said she will learn to use Instagram but not the phones. He said she wanted to learn that.
Howard said Beth won't learn from the master. He said she refuses to learn from his lessons. Howard said he was a professor in college. Howard said everyone passed their test on the FCC after that.
Howard said they had a tiring night. He said Beth insisted on watching The Bachelor. He said he was ready for bed. He said they start watching at 8:30 so they can fast forward through the commercials. Howard said they were watching nonsense at 8. He said he had already watched Homeland and all of his stuff. Fred played a gay warning clip about the TV stuff but Howard said it's not gay to watch The Bachelor with your wife in bed. He said that watching football is more gay. He said watching The Bachelor is the straightest thing you can do.
Howard said he got up at 1 in the morning and asked Beth to watch The Bachelor to finish that up. Howard said the guy who is The Bachelor can't even say the word bachelor. He said he says ''bash-ler.'' Howard said this guy has no job and the girls are all into him. He said he doesn't get it and it makes him angry.
Howard said the Bachelor is a sales guy but he's not sure what he sells. Howard said the sales guys he's worked with don't have more than one suit.
Howard took a call from Beth who said that he's such a brat. She said she's in the city this morning and the first thing he hears is him complaining about her. Howard said he loves her so much. He said the phone system is so easy to use. Beth said she didn't realize they were in a thing. Howard said they're not. He said she doesn't want to learn from him. Beth said she likes her calendar book. Howard said she has forgotten about things in the past and she gets upset about it. Howard said he was willing to teach her but she won't sit down with him for lessons.
Beth said she just wanted him to know that she's listening. Beth said she'll see him for dinner tonight. Beth said she's getting a cat spayed today. Howard said Beth is so busy with the cats. Robin asked about the cat they found in Florida. Beth already got her adopted. Beth has a cat who is sitting outside in this weather. She said it was an indoor cat and the family left it behind. Howard said they come to their house and she thinks about how they did this to them. She said she can't believe they do this to pets like that. Howard said that's how he found Fred. He said his family pushed him outside.
Beth said she's going to be on Access Hollywood Live today so she wants to out somewhere special. Howard said there's nothing like going out to eat at 5. Howard asked if Beth was up at 1 this morning. Beth said no. Howard said he asked her if she was up and she said yes. Howard said he asked her to watch The Bachelor. Beth said he went down to get an apple first. Howard said he ate it out of respect and then came back up. Beth said she fell back asleep during that time. Howard said the charm is wearing off of him after 17 years. He said they had a good run. Howard said she's getting annoyed with him. Beth told him to stop it.
Howard asked how much fun it was to watch The Bachelor in the middle of the night. Beth said it was fun. Howard said he was spontaneous. Beth said that one girl is amazing. Robin said that's Corinn. Howard said he'd bang her if he was The Bachelor. Howard said that's what guys do.
Howard said he had a kid with another woman before Giselle. Howard said he knows a guy who did that. He said it was a guy that lived in the building he lived in. Howard said they had a pool there and he sat by it once in a while. Howard said there was a young girl there and she was pregnant and the husband was leaving her while she was pregnant. Howard said the women there were going off on the guy. He said Tom Brady didn't have that problem.
Howard got a note about Tom being benched when he was in college. Howard asked why he was benched. Jon Hein came in with the story. Jon said they had another player come in and the guy turned out not to be that great and Tom took over again and they started winning again.
Howard said that guy has the life. Robin said they talk about how hard he throws the ball when you watch a game. She said even the guys are fawning all over him.
Howard said he heard a story about Jon Hein blowing his load on a ride at Adventureland. Jon said he did. He said he was in high school and he took a date there and on the Ferris Wheel he fooled around and that happened. Howard said Jon was a real player. Howard said he never got that on a Ferris Wheel. Jon said they did that in a haunted house too. He said the ride was short but they had time to do that. Jon said they have a lot of time on the Ferris Wheel so they were fooling around. He said it was pretty quick. Howard said at that age everything is quick.
Howard asked where he blew his load. Jon said he did it on the sleeve of his jacket. He said he found some napkins and cleaned it up. Robin said he's just as much of a pig as the rest of the guys. Robin said it's in public and kids are around. Jon said a lot of kids weren't at the park.
Howard said Jon came on a plane once too. Jon said that's true. He said that it was a long flight and he hooked up with a girl and she did it under the blanket. Howard said Jon has had a lot of experiences.
Howard said Jon claims he still doesn't masturbate. Jon said Robin has had some crazy experiences too. Howard said Robin is crazy. He said she got it in the ass by a stranger in a bathroom. Robin said if you're really turned on things happen. Robin said she was so into this guy that she wanted to climb up the side of the building. She said it was just crazy. Robin said everything was turned on back there. Howard said he didn't know the asshole could get worked up. Robin said this was beyond that. She said he could have done anything. She said he could have stabbed her with a knife and she would have been turned on. She only knew the guy for a couple of hours.
Howard asked Robin if it was ass juice or something from the front. Fred thinks it rolled down from the front. Howard said he was talking to Ronnie about her ass lube and he said she's full of it. Howard had Ronnie come in to talk about that.
Ronnie said that there are stories about women who have ass lube but he doesn't believe that for a minute. Robin said he also believes that pee is squirt. Ronnie said he does. Howard asked if Robin has a natural Vaseline factory back there. Ronnie said maybe it was sweat. Robin said it wasn't hot out. Ronnie said maybe the guy spit on his cock. Robin said he didn't. She said that these guys haven't had this experience. Robin said a girl can be turned on so much that she's almost not conscious. She said anything can happen. Ronnie said he knows what happens. He said that the sphincter relaxes. Robin said that's what happened. She said everything just worked.
Howard said this was out in San Francisco. Robin said it was at a women's hotel. She said that there was no soap dispenser in there so he didn't put that on himself. Fred said it could have been the guy's goo. Howard said it's enough of that talk.
Howard asked Ronnie if he heard Dr. Drew on the Wrap Up Show. Ronnie said he heard some of that. Ronnie said he hates that he can't go in there and defend himself on that show. Howard said he has to keep him off the air because he needs him to drive.
Howard said that Dr. Drew thinks that Ronnie's mom wasn't in the room when he saw his father having sex. Ronnie said the guy doesn't know what he's talking about.
Howard played a clip of Drew talking about why he thinks that Ronnie saw his dad having an affair and not a threesome. Gary said he claimed to have heard his mom. Drew said he didn't hear his mom. He said he thinks that he saw an affair. Ronnie said he knows who was in the fucking house. Howard said he thinks a threesome is more painful than an affair. Fred agreed with Howard. He said he thinks Drew is nuts.
Howard said Dr. Drew talked about Sal's out of body experience too. Howard played a clip of Drew talking about what Sal has been talking to him about in the green room. Drew said that he announced that he was agreeing with him.
Howard said they had a whole thing with Sal and Larry Caputo sending a picture of his cock to him. Howard said he told Sal that he's the guy on the air saying they want to see cocks and then he thinks it's weird when he gets one from his friend.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that women can have orgasms in their ass. Howard said Robin told him that. The caller said they get all lubed up before the orgasm. Robin said Howard doesn't know what a mucus membrane is. The caller said it's clear and it's not doody. Howard said the thought of sweet, innocent Robin getting that is shocking.
Howard said the next day Robin had the guy throwing rocks at her window. Robin said they hadn't even exchanged numbers. Howard said that guy fucked her in the ass and not even in the vagina. Ronnie asked how old she was. Robin said she was like 25. She said she wasn't grown up yet. Howard asked how big his cock was. Robin said it was big. Fred played some clips of Robin talking about how she needs a cock and things like that.
Robin said she didn't start having sex until she was 19. Howard said according to WebMD the anus doesn't make lube. Howard said that the vagina can make lube. Robin said whatever it was it was great. Howard asked if it was brown back there. Robin said no one was looking at color. Robin said it was a beautiful experience. Ronnie asked if they ever did it again. Robin said they did make love again. Robin said they saw each other 4 or 5 times. Robin said that went over about a month and a half or two months. Howard asked if he did her vagina. Robin said that was the only ass experience that one time.
Howard asked if Robin would think a guy was weird for wanting that. Robin said the guy was weird. She said he liked to be beaten.
Howard took a call from Boston Bobo who said Robin has a hungry, hungry asshole. Howard said she does. Bobo asked if she feeds that thing. Howard said it talks to him. Fred played more sex talk clips that he had of Robin.
Ronnie asked who beat the guy up. Robin said other women did. Robin said she didn't do it. Robin said if she did it then she'd tell them. Ronnie said he can see her slapping his balls around.
Boston Bobo asked what kind of porn Robin watches. Howard said she's into all of it. Robin denied being into anal gaping when the caller asked about it. Howard asked if the guy tied Robin up. Robin said she didn't want it being done to her. Howard asked how she knew he liked to be beaten. Robin said he had whips and stuff. She said they talked about it. Ronnie said no wonder Robin doesn't like ''50 Shades of Grey.''
Howard asked if he had a dungeon. Robin said no. She said she thinks he was into having pain inflicted on him. Howard played a song parody about Robin taking it in the butt.
Robin said she actually talked to the guy when they were back at K-Rock. She said she didn't tell Howard about that at the time. Howard said he would have liked to have talked to that guy.
Howard played another song parody but this one was about Ronnie jerking off to his parents having a threesome. Howard said they got a lot of songs about creepy Ronnie. He played another one about him being creepy.
Howard introduced the game like a game show. Howard played a practice question. Howard said they asked if he would rather fuck a black or Asian woman. Robin said Asian and Ronnie said black. Lenny's answer was a black girl. Lenny said that the Asian women have a flat face, flat body and that breath from the food they eat.
Howard said Ronnie got that one. He said he's going to be better at this than Robin. Robin said she's proud of that. Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather get head from a guy or a dildo from a girl. Ronnie said he's going to say he will say head from a guy. Robin said she's going to say dildo from a girl. Howard played the answer and Lenny said the day a guy puts a mouth or a finger near him... He said the dildo from a girl is what he's taking. He said he's fucking normal.
Howard said Robin is on the board. He said they asked Lenny if he likes big boobs or small boobs. Robin said she's going to say small boobs. Ronnie said he's saying big boobs. Lenny's answer was small. He said the big ones get in the way.
Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather kiss a guy or jerk off a dog. Ronnie said he's going to say that he would rather jerk off a dog. Robin was with Ronnie on that one. Lenny's answer was jerking off the dog. He said he'd probably make it cum.
Robin said she beat Ronnie. Howard said she did win. Howard said he didn't even realize that. Howard said he's just picturing Lenny jerking off a dog.
Howard said how about Jon Hein getting jerked off on a Ferris Wheel. Ronnie asked what's wrong with that. Howard said nothing is wrong with that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the girls who were doing this to Jon were ugly. He said the stories piss him off. Howard said Jon has a really hot wife. He said his wife was wearing a sexy jump suit and it was super tight. Howard said Jon looks like he'd crush her from being out of shape. Howard said he must come to life with the girls. Howard said he's kind of quiet around there.
Howard asked if Robin would rather have sex with Ronnie or Jon Hein. Robin asked if she has to answer. Howard said of course she does. Ronnie said he'd do her in the ass in the bathroom. Howard asked if Ronnie has ever done a girl in the ass first. Ronnie said no. Howard said that's weird. Howard said he knows a guy who does that and he thinks he might be gay. Robin said they didn't know each other that well.
Howard said the guy must have cum in her ass. Robin said he did. Ronnie asked if the load was huge. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said his load must have leaked out into her panties. Howard asked if she farted it out. Ronnie said it falls out. He said it would fall out when she sat on the toilet. Howard said if she made a doody would it be on the top like an ice cream cone. Ronnie said yes.
Gary said he actually saw it once. He said that it can come out when you take a shit or regular. Howard said Robin is a lady and she'd never do that.
Howard asked Gary who showed him that. Gary said it was a long time ago. Gary said he thinks he walked by when she told him about it. He said he wondered where it went and she showed him. Howard and Ronnie cracked up at that comment. Howard asked who would look at a girl's shit like that. He asked Gary if it was a big load. Gary said it was more of the other part. Robin said it was like two explorers. Howard said Gary is like an animal. He said he's into licking girls down there and things like that.
Ronnie asked Robin after the first time when they did it the next time was it more relaxing and intimate. Robin said it was. She said that he didn't eat her ass out or anything. The caller asked if it was an accident. Robin said it could have been. Ronnie said her asshole must have opened up wide. Howard said it's enough of this. He said she's a news woman. Robin said at least she's telling the truth.
Howard said maybe the guy put it in the wrong place. Robin said he as no virgin. She said he was younger by a couple of years. She said he may have been 21 or so. Ronnie said he can see him calling up his friends telling them that he nailed this lady on the street. Robin said she made the same phone call to her friends. Howard said this is exhausting.
Ronnie said you can lube up an asshole when a girl is really turned on. He said it runs out and it can get in the ass. He said Robin may not have even known what was going on. Robin said that could be what happened. Fred did his Ronnie impression talking about that stuff.
Howard asked Fred what his worst nightmare would be with Ronnie. him marrying her or babysitting her. Fred said babysitting her. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie being a maniac. He played a ''Lenny Dykstra 90 Degree Slot'' bit too. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and asked what Fred was playing. He listened to the Peter Frampton song for a short time. Howard said he was talking to the boys and missed some of it. Howard said he sounds good. Robin said he does.
Howard said his live album was like the best selling album of all time. Gary said he thinks he sold like 16 or 17 million when he broke the record. Howard said Michael Jackson sold more with his Thriller album.
Howard wondered if Sal saw Michael Jackson when he was on his out of body experience. Howard said Sal just didn't realize that he was asleep. Howard said he has 3 kids and can't tell when he's asleep or awake.
Howard wondered what Peter Frampton does during the day. He said he must just hang around his family and then goes out on tour once in a while. Howard said he can probably watch The Bachelor whenever he wants. He doesn't have to get up at 1 in the morning to watch.
Howard asked if anyone wants to hear from Steve from Florida (Bobo). Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard said Steve had to write an essay and they took that essay and called a political show and read it. Howard played a clip of the call they made with Steve from Florida reading the essay to these guys on the political show. The hosts of the show thought the guy was all wrong with his comments. They kept him on the line for a few minutes though. The host of the show said he doesn't know why these people even speak.
Howard said that's Steve from Florida at his best. Howard said he loves that call. Howard asked how it is being Steve from Florida. Steve said he doesn't like it. He said it's torture. Howard played a song parody about Steve.
Howard asked what he has to ask this morning. Steve asked how long he has to put up with this punishment. Howard said it has to last a while. Howard said otherwise people will be pissed. Steve said maybe if he passes his lie detector test he can get his name back. Howard said Steve lost his name and people are claiming the Bobo name. Steve said he's sent in like 20 complaints about people disparaging his name. Steve said that he's Bobo687 on Twitter and they try to make other names similar to his. Howard said he can't stop them from doing that. Steve said that things are getting crazy. Howard said he wrote a hand written letter to Twitter. Steve said that's right. He said he sent it via mail.
Howard said it was good to talk to him. Steve said he has a question. Shuli came in and said he has an update on Steve. He said he's insane with the twitter thing. He said he's trying to get verified. He sent a physical letter and attached an 8x10 letter of himself with Howard to verify that he's The Bobo. Steve said they wanted a picture of him. Gary said they asked for an ID not a picture. Bobo said that he tried to do that but the image was too big. Shuli said that he was trying to send a note online and Steve thought 500 characters means 500 words. Steve didn't know that characters are not words. Howard said they wanted 500 characters. Steve asked who talks like that. Howard said Steve is a character.
Howard said he has the president of twitter on the phone. Howard picked up and the guy told Steve to switch to Instagram instead. He said they verified him as a retard on Twitter. Howard said he sees the CEO of Twitter on the phone too. Howard picked up on the CEO and that guy said they will Verify him as Steve from Florida no problem. Steve said ''oh no.''
Howard played a song parody about Steve from Florida. Howard asked what Steve's question was. Steve started to ask but Howard asked if he knows what a character is. Steve said it's a limited amount of words. Robin tried to get him to tell them what a character is. Steve said it's a person's character or make up. Howard said maybe they're asking him to write about his character. Howard said he should think about what a carrot does. He said he should write about himself.
Howard said he has the supreme leader of Twitter on the phone. That guy said they need 500 fictional characters listed in that box. Howard said it's slang for money and Steve has to send 500 dollars to them.
Howard said that he has to tell Bobo what characters are. Robin said they should let him figure it out. Howard asked Steve what he's going to do. Steve said he's going to talk about himself. Howard told him to just send 500 words. Steve said he shortened that already. Howard said he thinks a character is 2 words and he owes them 1000 words. Howard said that's a term for two words so he owes them 1000 words. Howard said he didn't send them enough. Howard played another Steve from Florida song parody.
Howard asked Steve what his question is. Steve asked if Howard thinks Rick Dees thought he was going to take over for Dick Clark instead of Ryan Seacrest. Howard asked if he knows that Dick Clark is dead. Steve said he does. Robin said no one cares about that question. Howard said Rick Dees does. Howard said he thinks Rick is very angry. Robin said no one cares.
Shuli asked Steve to send them the 500 words he sent to Twitter. Steve said that it's on his computer at home and he's in his car. He was down the street from home. Howard picked up on the guys in the back who were doing a Rick Dees thing. They had Rick saying that Steve sucks. Howard let Steve go after that. He played him off with a Bobo/Steve from Florida song parody. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked if Robin knows what this sound is. He had a clip playing of some loud noise and creaking. Howard said that was in his office yesterday. He said it was the building creaking. Howard said that the wind was so strong that it was moving the building. Howard said back in his office it's loud. Howard said he sleeps after the show back there. He said he means meditate but he actually falls asleep. He said that it's really loud so it kept waking him up. Robin said she didn't know that it was affecting the building like that
Howard said Gary still manages to sleep during that. Howard said the building creaks where Ronnie stands too. Howard said he's such a light sleeper. He said a lot of buildings in New York sway like that. He said they build them like that. Robin said it boggles the mind that they move and are still water tight. Howard wondered what the creaking was. Robin said some buildings have rollers.
Howard said he has some answers there. He said they were wondering how Netflix is pulling off all of these deals they're doing. Howard said they now have 89.09 million paying members around the world. Howard said they added more than 5.8 million in the 4th quarter of 2016. He said they have an income of 4.8 billion. Howard said Netflix started doing this and now they're doing what the networks are doing but they have 89 million subscribers paying. He said they don't have to deal with advertising. Robin said people are sick of advertising. Robin said she does anything to get away from commercials.
Howard said Netflix is going to spend 6 billion on original series in 2017. Robin said the show The O.A. was good. Howard said it was good and he watched the whole thing. He said he's watching Iron Fist too. Howard said he's busy with that right now. Howard said he got that early as a birthday gift. He said it's coming out soon on Netflix.
Howard said everyone has a deal with Netflix. He said Amazon is doing it too. Robin said they have a lot of money too. Howard said he wants Sirius to start doing that with TV. He said that's the move. He said they're going to put their content out. Robin said they should do it instead of Sirius. Howard said he's feeling his penis right now. He said he does that during the show a lot.
Howard said he wants coffee. He said he hasn't had it in a long time. He said he can't have fun in his life. He said he quit drinking in college and started up a couple of years ago. He said he was loving the coffee. He said he was even into flavored coffee and Starbucks. Then his throat had a catch in it. He said he was clearing his throat like Gary. He had to stop drinking the stuff. Howard said he went to the dentist and asked if it was his dental work. He said the dentist said no. Howard said that he didn't know what was going on. Howard said it was either coffee or something else. He stopped both and when he added the coffee back it was the coffee causing the throat problem.
Howard said he had a teeth cleaning yesterday. He said the woman asked if he still had the throat problem. He said it was gone and she said maybe it was acid reflux. Howard said she told him that Starbucks is awful and she drinks McDonald's. Howard said she told him to try that. Howard said she also said that Dominican people don't drink Starbucks. He said she knew a lot about coffee.
Howard said he was having so much fun with coffee. He said maybe he was drinking it too hot. He said he drank it black and he was gulping it down. Robin said maybe that affected him. Howard said he had the throat problem right after that. He played a song parody of Gary clearing his throat.
Howard said he can have no fun. He said the one thing he wants to have and he can't have it. He said it's probably just some neurotic thing with him. Robin said maybe he needed more water because coffee can be dehydrating.
Howard took a call from Boston Bobo who said they found someone dumber than Bobo. He was talking about Steve from Florida. Howard said that Steve is having a hard time with Twitter because of all of these other Bobo's out there.
Howard played a phony phone call that the guys made with clips of him talking about coffee. The guy stayed on the line for a short time but said he had a long line of people to get to.
Howard said that it's so true that people nurse their coffee all day. Robin said she may have done it because she didn't like it. Howard said his cup would be gone after 15 minutes or less. Howard said Robin is like a baby with a bottle. Howard said he drinks right up.
Howard said JD told him that song is going to be his wedding song. Howard said JD is locked in his office because he's sick. Gary said he's running around saying he's fine now. Howard told JD to say something to him. JD said that he quarantined himself but he's fine now. Howard asked if that's the song he's going to use at his wedding. JD laughed and said no.
Gary came in with a picture of Fiona Apple. Howard said she looks good. Robin said she didn't recognize her. Howard said she did a video in the 80s and she looked so hot. Howard said she looked like she hadn't eaten in a year. He said that was her song Criminal. Howard said he never knew why she was rolling around but he liked it. He said she was angry too. Robin said she didn't have a great sense of humor. Howard said she had a guy rub his foot on her face so he figured maybe she is kind of fun.
Howard had another Fiona Apple song that she did at K-Rock. Howard said this is what she did on their show. He played her performance of ''Criminal'' on the show. Howard said he wishes she had rolled around on the floor. Robin said she was playing piano so she couldn't do that. Howard said he and Robin should remake videos from the 90s and he can have Robin rolling around like Fiona.
Howard said that guy Alex Jones was at the inauguration screaming like a maniac. Howard said he was on the show and he seemed kind of normal. He said now he's really out there. He said he's just screaming and yelling in this clip. Howard played that and Alex was yelling about something about 1776 commencing again. Alex said they haven't taken the gloves off yet. He wondered how he can yell like that so long. Howard said he'd have to go off the air for a month if he yelled like that. Howard said that was his Periscope. Howard said that wasn't even his show. He said when Alex was on the show he wasn't like that at all.
Howard took a call from a woman, Lauren, who said she would have the same problem Howard had with the coffee and the tickle in the throat. She asked if he drank it before eating anything. Howard said he'd eat and have the coffee. She said that it must be the caffeine and acid reflux. Howard said he's never had that. Lauren said she had the same thing and she never had it until she drank certain coffees. She said that it's acid reflux. She had to stop drinking it. She said she switched to tea. Howard said men don't drink tea. She said she hides it in a Starbucks looking cup so it looks like coffee. Howard said she sounds kind of hot. He asked if she is. Lauren said she thinks she's hanging in there. She said she has two kids. She said she's 38. Howard asked if she's in shape. She said she is. She said she's back in the gym now. Howard said he was reading about a super hot chick who does 70 sit ups a day and good for her. He said she's getting her abs back.
Howard said asked Lauren how tall she is. She said she's 5'7'' and 122 pounds. Howard said that sounds good. She said she looks like Jennifer Connelly. Howard asked what her bra size is. Lauren said that she didn't think she was going to get into this. She said she wanted to talk about rock bands. She said she's a 34-DD. Howard said most of her 122 pounds is boobs. Howard asked if they're implants. Lauren said no. She said she was out of control when she was breast feeding. Howard said she's got DD's and she's only 122 pounds. Lauren said they are big. She said they might even be F's.
Lauren asked if Howard has listened to My Morning Jacket. Howard said no. He asked her another question. He asked how many times she does it with her husband. She said she can't answer that on radio. Robin asked if they even know who she is. Lauren said it depends on the week. She said that they find time every week.
Howard asked Lauren if she wants sex or does she just do it for the guy. She said she likes sex. She said she goes through phases. She has two kids and she works so she's exhausted. Howard asked when she blew her husband. She said she's not answering that one. Howard asked if she ever just does it to make him happy. She said she does that sometimes. Howard said that gives you energy. She said she doesn't need it all the time. She said she's happy and she doesn't want to be with anyone else. Howard asked when he's going to find someone else because he's frustrated. She said she keeps him satisfied. She said she's not super intense with her sex drive. Howard said he must be doing something if she's not into it. Howard asked if she thinks he jerks off. She said yeah. She said she's fine with that. Howard said these girls don't get it. Howard said he thought he was going to get laid all the time.
Howard said he wants to have sex at least 3 times a week. Howard said if she's on her period how about jerking him off once in a while. Howard said he sounds like Mel Gibson now. Howard said that's what guys want. He said just give them that and they'll give you anything. Lauren said she will make an extra effort after this. Howard asked if she gives him anal. She said no. Howard asked if she has hemorrhoids. She said she doesn't. Howard asked if she puts on a sexy outfit for him. She said that she does that. Lauren said she wears lingerie. Howard said women are the worst at sex. Howard said he sometimes wishes he was gay. Howard asked if she talks dirty in bed.
Robin asked why she's getting into shape. She said she's doing it for health reasons. Howard asked if she'll go out and let him put his hand on her crotch. Lauren said that she would laugh if he did that. She said she would masturbate in front of her husband. Howard asked if she waxes or shaves. She said she waxes. Howard said guys don't like that because it has to grow back to be waxed. Howard said guys like it better when you shave. The caller said it's worse when you shave. Howard asked if she has dark hair. She said she does. Howard asked if she goes to the bathroom in front of her husband. She said she closes the door.
Howard said he has never see Beth go. He said he has heard her pee but never heard or smelled a doody. Howard said one time he caught her with a fart. Howard said it was just one quick one.
Howard said it sounds like a dreary life with this woman and the kids. Robin said that women sometimes lose track of time and they think it's more sex than it is.
Lauren said Howard is playing this up because Howard is looking for more sex from Beth. Howard said that it's what guys want. Howard asked how much her husband masturbates. She didn't know. Howard said he probably knows him better than she does. Howard said this guy is living a whole fantasy sex life. Howard said she's killing this guy. Howard said she has to kind of keep things hot. Howard said he's probably jerking off right now. Lauren said she'll do something about it.
Howard asked if they have a hot nanny or babysitter. She said they do not. Howard said that's good. Lauren said that the people on My Morning Jacket would be good guests. Howard said he doesn't like that name. It's a music group. Fred found one of their songs and played it for Howard. Howard asked if they're an indie band. Lauren said they're a great rock band. Howard said it sounds okay to him but he doesn't know. Lauren told him to listen to it on the weekend or something. Howard said Steve Brandano might know about them. Jason said he knows them and loves them. Howard said he'll check them out when he has time.
Howard asked what the caller wears to work. She said she has jeans and a t-shirt. She said that she hides her boobs. She said she just doesn't wear clothes that shows them off. Howard said you can't do that with a t-shirt. Howard asked if any guys are interested in her at work. She said no. She said she works with mostly women.
Howard said send them a picture. She said she loves Howard and Robin and Fred. Howard said it was nice talking to her. Lauren said she's a huge fan of the show. Howard asked if she's the hottest woman at work. Lauren thought about it and said she doesn't know.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked the woman if she likes to have her ass spanked for fun or foreplay. Lauren said that she's not really into that. Howard said it's great that guys are all piling in and asking questions. Howard said this is fun.
The guy told Howard about the time David Blaine was on and what he said to Fiona Apple on the show. He told him to go back and listen to that. The guy said he has talked about spanking on the show before. He said he'd like to do that to Robin.
Howard asked Lauren what she likes to do sexually. She wasn't able to think of anything. Howard asked how many guys she's been with. She said not that many. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with her. Lauren said she's getting shy. Howard said he's going to let her go. Lauren said she loves Howard. Howard said he guarantees she's not having sex more than twice a month. Robin said women don't think about sex all day. Howard said guys do. Robin said that the husband probably comes home and she has to think about sex during the day and add it to the marriage so she's ready. Howard said Robin should teach a class.
Howard said Big Foot had a problem with his phone so he was complaining to Shuli. Shuli said he has shit in his ears. Big Foot had to let him go because he didn't hear what he was saying.
Howard said that they checked in with Underdog too. Howard played some audio of her talking about the trouble they're in for with Trump as president. Underdog said she thinks it might be a difficult 4 years. She said they'll have to see how it goes.
Howard said he heard about Trump dumping TPP. He said he was thinking that was OPP. Robin said it's the Trans Pacific Partnership. Howard said he's not sure if he's for or against it. He said he knows McCain is for it. Gary said it wasn't going to pass anyway so it hadn't even gone through. Gary said he's going to look like the hero but it wasn't going to pass anyway.
The caller said you have to do porn star shit with your husband to keep them interested. Howard said Mel Gibson ruined his career yelling at a woman about a blow job.
Howard took another call from a woman, Tanya, who said she wants to talk about Howard's throat problem. She had an accent so Howard asked where she was from. She said she's from the Ukraine. Howard said he's not sure if they are friendly to them or not. Tanya said that Howard's throat problem could be his yogurt. Howard said it's when he drinks coffee. She said it could be the combo. Howard said he eats yogurt every day. He didn't want to hear about mucus. Fred played a USSR national anthem for Tanya.
Howard took another call from a woman, Stephanie, who said she and her husband have sex 3 or 4 times a week. She said that woman Lauren doesn't want to be married. She said that's pathetic. Stephanie said she loves to be spanked. Howard asked if she's hot. She said not really. Howard liked her attitude though. He said that's hot. Stephanie said that she likes to be with her husband and she thinks about sex all day. Howard asked if she's chubby. She said that she is a little bit. Howard said it seems like the chubby wives are putting out more.
Howard took a call from a guy, Dan, who said that Lenny Dykstra game was funny earlier. Howard said he has more to play if he wants to play. Howard ended up talking to Dan about being in the military for a few minutes. Howard asked what he did. The guy said he was a machine gunner. Howard asked what he did like that. Dan was never in any action so he didn't have any stories to tell. He said he just hung around with the guys in the armory. Howard asked if he ever jerked off in a tank. Dan said he thinks he did that in a Hummer a few times.
Howard said Brent said that the machine gunner job is very boring. Howard said he served though so that's what counts. Howard said he thinks Brent was a machine gunner. Brent came in and said he was in naval aviation but he was a machine gunner in action. He said that these guys have to check out weapons and clean them and stuff. He said it's not fun after the thousandth time.
Howard talked to Dan for a few minutes about what he did in the service. Howard said he thinks he could do that job.
Howard said that he might have a prize for the game. He said they're not money prizes. Howard said he has a full size Flat Ronnie. Howard said he heard that Brent made up with Ronnie. Brent said he was never mad at Ronnie. He said they did smooth things over though.
Howard said he heard that Brent would fuck his girl in a car all the time. Brent said it was in a truck outside the church where his parents went. He said his girlfriend would give him a hand job under a blanket. Howard had a clip of someone having sex. It was a woman screaming like she was being killed. Howard said that's a tape from MTV when there was a girl on a Ayahuasca trip. Howard played more audio of the woman talking about her experience. Howard had another clip of a guy puking from the Ayahuasca.
Howard said he had Peyote when he was in college. He said that was crazy. He had a pill that was wrapped in tape and it had twigs sticking out of it.
Howard went over some of the other prizes they had to give away. One of them was a Dr. Laura action doll. Howard said he's serious about that. Howard asked if she's even still around. Brent said she worked there for a while. Howard said they'll just play for a Flat Ronnie.
Howard said he has a picture of Sal's asshole. Dan said they can give that to Patricia. Howard said he knows how to play so no practice question. Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather have a woman with a smelly pussy or a smelly ass. Dan said he'll say ass. He said he's such a oral expert. Howard played Lenny's answer and he'd say a smelly ass. He said it would be a quick one and he'd just fucking go.
Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather have pot or coke. Dan said he's going to say Lenny would rather go with a pick me up so it would be coke. Howard said he thinks he's right about that. Howard played Lenny's answer and it was coke. Howard said this guy knows Lenny.
Howard said they asked Lenny if he would rather fuck a girl with her period or a girl with diarrhea. Dan said he thinks that Lenny will say the period girl. Howard said he thinks he might be right. Howard said that girls are uptight about that period thing but he's alright with it. Robin said you don't feel that fresh when you do it like that. Howard played Lenny's answer and he said period. He said you just take a towel and wipe it off. Dan won so Howard put him on hold. Howard said send them a picture with Flat Ronnie. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard played the doll and she said some of her catch phrases. Howard said imagine selling that to your audience. He said that's rock bottom. Howard asked who would buy this because it's not for kids. Robin said some grown man is supposed to buy it. Howard pushed the belly of the doll to make it speak. Howard said they should put it up Sal's ass.
Howard said the doll has a lot of thoughts. Howard played a few more. The doll had a lot of comments in it. Howard said they should put it in Richard's ass and see if it still works. Howard said he thinks he's had enough of the doll. Howard said her pants are all the way down. He said it looks like something got into the box and got to her and did something to her. Howard said the doll is on Ebay for 10.99. Howard said theirs is boxed. Jason said the one on Ebay is too.
Howard asked if he should do news here. Fred said it is 10 o'clock. Howard said he has to see if he got to everything. Howard said Sour Shoes called Boomer and Carton. Howard said that he called while Governor Christie was on. He said he's not going to play that now. He said Sour is calling every show but theirs.
Howard said some protestors went into Jean George to protest and they started coughing. Howard played some audio of them doing that. Howard said that's what it sounds like when Gary comes in every morning. Robin said the problem is with people who go to protest at Trump buildings. Robin said she doesn't think the coughing is helping anything. Howard played more audio of people coughing. Howard said that sounds more like a Tourette's sit in
Howard said he was talking about Gary eating fake crab meat yesterday. Robin said she doesn't remember that conversation. Robin said that she did remember telling him that it was made of fish. Howard said it's made of various types of fish ground into a paste. Howard said it's often used in fish salads and sushi because of it's cheaper cost.
Howard asked if Gary is still doing that. Gary said sometimes but mostly he has smoked salmon. Howard said that he's still fat though. Gary said he knows but he's not sure why. He said he still eats the fake crab meat. Howard said that's like the hot dog of the ocean. Howard said it has MSG in it too. He said they talk about the nutritional value of it and it's pretty low.
Howard said someone gave him a note saying that Gary served fake crab meat at a party at his house. Gary said it was a crab dip that anyone would serve. Gary said it was dip, not fake crab. JD said he thought it was fake crab meat. Howard asked if he got a headache after it. JD said he didn't. He said he actually liked it.
Howard said they should start the news. He had to do a live commercial read and a break first. Howard said it's hard to talk to Robin after all of the anal talk earlier. He said Ronnie brought it all out in her. Howard did the live commercial read after that.
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Robin read a story about the price of salmon going up this year. Robin said that fish farmers are battling sea lice. Howard said he loves salmon and he was reading on Twitter about salmon having some kind of worms in it. He said the worms might grow and live in you. Howard said this should be on the front page of every newspaper. Gary asked how long he's been eating it. Howard said he's been eating it forever but this is something new. Gary said he's eating raw salmon. Howard said he's not eating salmon now. Robin said the key word is the fish farmers. Gary said on CNN they have a headline about salmon having a tapeworm. Howard said that's what he follows on Twitter. Gary read the article to Howard. Gary read more of it and Howard asked how they can eat this stuff. Gary said it's wild Alaskan salmon and that's what he has in his refrigerator. Robin said you have to cook your salmon. Howard said he hasn't had any since he read that. Robin said food carries parasites until you cook it. Howard said he eats it raw sometimes. Gary said they say that one of the versions of the tape worm can grow up to 30 feet long. Howard said imagine there's a big worm sticking out of his head so he's even taller. Gary said in some cases they say it can turn into a serious medical condition. Howard asked if Gary is going to eat his salmon today. Gary said ''fuck yeah.'' Robin read more about the salmon problem.
Howard said the world is over populated and it's getting hotter because of humans. He said we're going to run out of food. Howard said he and Robin will be in the ground but he worries about his kids. Robin said she was reading about how they're not going to have a climate change conference at the CDC because of the new administration. Howard said we should have a climate change program and not a space program. Robin said that we need to have a plan to get off of this planet.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lauren broad is like his wife. He said his wife doesn't put out. He said he's taking care of her but she doesn't put out. He said he doesn't know what to do. He said they have two kids and he knows she's tired but she's not putting out. He said he does all kinds of stuff to his wife like chowing her box. Howard said that's why he has problems if he talks like that. Howard said once the kid comes that's when things go to hell. The caller said he doesn't want to cheat on her but maybe he should go to a hooker or something. He said he's pleaded with her before and it lasts for a couple of weeks but that's it. Robin said he has to romance her. Howard said he doesn't have an answer for him. He let him go a short time later. Robin said that baby stuff really throws you for a loop. Howard said he's chowing down on her box though.
Robin said she has some stories about hypnotists. Robin said some guys have been sent to jail for putting their patients under and sexually assaulting them. Howard said he saw video of a doctor doing something to a woman. Robin said this woman had no memory of what happened. Robin said the cops set up cameras and they caught the guy putting her under and telling her that she was a pleasure machine and stared to have his way with her. Howard said it's such a great video. Howard said this guy was so creepy. He said he puts the woman under and the cops come in just as he's about to do his thing. Robin said another guy convinced a woman that she'd feel orgasmic when he'd say a certain word. He convinced her to come to his hotel room that night. Howard said he'd like to learn how to do that.
Gary said that this one guy was a divorce lawyer who was putting women under. Gary said that might make it even creepier. Howard asked where guys are learning to do this. Howard asked how long it takes to learn. Howard said anything that makes Ronnie happy is worth learning. Robin said don't think hypnotism is fake. Howard said he's seen it up close and it's real.
Robin said a Saturday Night Live writer was suspended for tweeting out a joke about Donald Trump's son Baron. Robin said she wrote a joke about how he was going to be the first home schooled school shooter. Robin said that people have signed a petition to have the writer fired over that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said her husband's sex drive dropped when he turned 40 and her's went up. She said that her husband is into her but she has to beg him to have sex. She said that they have it twice a week but he's exhausted. Robin said that happens all the time. She said that some women have an increase and men's is waning. Howard thanked her for the call. He asked if she's hot. The caller said she's told she looks like Phoebe Cates. Howard said that's amazing. He said she looks like that but her husband doesn't do it more. She said she wants to have sex more. Howard said he's not sure why but he doesn't want to have sex with her either. He was just kidding. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Mel Gibson having another child. Robin said the baby boy was born on Saturday. Robin said his name is Lars Gerard Gibson. Robin said the couple has been together for 2 years. Robin said that he's 60 something and the wife is in her 20s.
Robin read some details about the Oscar nominations that came out this morning. Robin had some audio of a computer reading the nominees. Howard said that sounds human to him. Robin said it's not. Howard said Robin says this is a computer generated voice. Robin said it is. Howard said it sounds pretty real. Howard said it sounds better than Stephen Hawking's computer voice. Howard said he should have a voice like that. Fred played some Ronnie the Robot clips while that was playing. Howard said he has all of these movies but LaLa Land seems like a punishment.
Jon Hein came in and said that they had pre-taped stuff with Oscar winners and they'd cut to the voice of this woman that sounds like Siri/Alexa doing the nominations. He said they had actors introducing the categories but the voice reading the nominees. Howard said he hasn't seen many of these movies. He saw Lion and Manchester by the Sea. Gary said Hidden Figures was really good. Howard said he had a friend who saw Manchester By the Sea in the theater and it was horrible. Howard said at home he was fine with it. Howard said that's why Netflix has it right. He said you don't have to suffer at the theater.
Robin had more clips from the Oscar nominations. They had a clip of Vin Diesel and that led to Howard playing a clip of him hitting on some woman over in Europe. Howard said he won't stop with this woman. Howard played the clip and Vin kept telling this woman she was so beautiful. He kept saying it and asking her to talk to him. He said he wanted to get out of there and have lunch. Howard said he might be creepier than Ronnie. He said that woman had to be uncomfortable. Howard said he keeps going on and on. Howard played more audio of Vin talking about how beautiful she is. Howard said there's a room full of people staring at him while this is going on. Howard called him Vin Dykstra. Robin said she needs to leave the room and bring in a male interviewer. Howard said it keeps going. Howard played more of Vin talking about how he can't do the interview because she's so hot. Howard said he thinks he wants to chow on her box. Howard said that girl had to be frightened out of her mind. Robin said his brain isn't working anymore. She said that's his penis talking. Howard said girls don't dig that. Robin said it's scary. She said that voice is something too. Howard said Lenny has that voice too. He played some clips of Lenny talking to Robin.
Robin had more Oscar nominee clips. Howard said he's tired of this. It just kept going on and on. He said he's had enough. They spent a little more time talking about it though.
Robin read about how Stacy Dash was suspended from FOX News. Robin had some audio of Stacy and said she won't be seen anymore on FOX. Howard said that they got rid of George Will because he was anti-Trump. Howard said now they have to find a black person to replace Stacy Dash. Howard said they have some kind of quota over there. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later. Howard said he's glad he has the show because he would have eaten his lunch 3 hours ago.
Robin read a story about Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton passing out during a speech he was giving. Robin had some audio of him speaking just before he passed out. Howard asked what happened. Robin said he was near the end of his 45 minute speech when he fainted. Robin said his son got on twitter and said he's doing great. Robin said sometimes people do faint. Howard said he must have fallen asleep during his own speech.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump getting applause for pulling the plug on TPP. Robin said that people are opposed to it because it exports jobs to Asia. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how the country could change its tune on TPP.
Robin read a story about Trump sitting down with the 3 big car makers in the U.S. Robin said that they say Trump looks forward to hearing about how to bring jobs back to the auto industry. Howard said he knows nothing about TPP but he's all for DDT. He hopes Trump brings that back. He said he thinks that he'd be for it.
Robin read a story about the new CIA director who was just confirmed. Robin read some details about that.
Robin read a story about republican law makers splitting from Trump over the hiring freeze of government workers. Robin said that he froze salaries for federal workers too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to thank JD for being clear when he talks about the hot chicks from FOX. Howard said he does do that. the caller said he doesn't mumble at all when he's talking about hot news chicks. JD said he is very clear when he's doing that. Howard said tomorrow he has to play the Baba Booey's and Hit 'em with the Heins he's been saving up.
Robin read about how Sean Spicer had his first press conference yesterday. Robin said he claims he does try not to lie. Howard said he's adjusting his penis right now. Robin said that they say Trump has a healthy respect for the first amendment. Robin had some audio of Sean Spicer talking about Trump's respect for protestors. Howard said someone found a fact about Spicer chewing 35 pieces of gum and swallows them every morning. Howard said it must be a meal replacement. He said maybe it helps him stay slim. Robin said he's not that slim. Howard said he must blow bubbles when he shits. He called him Bazooka Joe.
Robin read about how Kirk Hammett from Metallica is getting political. Robin had some Metallica music for Howard to play. Robin said Kirk was comparing Trump's speech to speeches from Hitler and others in the 1930s and 40s.
Robin read a story about this Alt Right guy who had a Jewish wife. Robin said the story gets murky. She said that the guy was writing a blog and his wife was reading what he wrote. Robin said she knew what he was doing and she was a party to it. Robin said she even read a Christmas story on the site. Robin said the guy stepped down and even the name he was using wasn't his real name.
Robin read a story about Madonna getting into some trouble over her comments about blowing up the white house. Robin said that Newt Gingrich suggested that she be arrested for those comments.
Robin read a story about another protest in Washington DC. Robin read the details of that march.
Robin read a story about fake news and how they want to do something about it. Howard said he was the victim of fake news about buying a car for a stripper once. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how to teach people about fake news.
Howard took a call from Tanner Mom. He read some email earlier about how great Tanner Mom was on the show last week. Tanner Mom asked Howard to have Robin start the news. Howard asked what she's doing today. She said she's laying out in the sun today. Robin said there's no sun around here today.
Robin read a story about dry skin and some advice a clinic is giving about what to do. Robin had some audio from a guy from the Cleveland Clinic who said that something called Ceremides can help.
Robin read a story about cervical cancer death rates going up. Robin said that women have to see a doctor regularly. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Robin said that Erin Andrews has revealed that she has cervical cancer. Robin said she was diagnosed in late September last year.
Robin read a story about a funeral for astronaut Eugene Cernan which will be held today. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how he had a weird thing happen last night. He said he went out with Beth to dinner. He said he doesn't usually do that on a work night. Howard said they went to Nobu and he said he thinks this is where his old radio station is. He was wondering if the station is still there or did they move it. He said it was a terrible looking station so he was thinking they moved. Howard said he used to know everything about radio. He said now he doesn't. He's not sure what the new call letters are. He said his friend Terry said they're all sports now. He said he thought it was music. Howard said he was looking at ratings and he wanted to look up what the ratings were for the old K-Rock. He said they put on 92.3 and found out it was WBPM (WBMP) or something. He said they are a music station and not sports. They didn't really listen to it but it's a hits radio station like Z100. Howard said it's like a pop format. He said they have the same shitty ratings that the station had after the morning hours.
Robin said they always had shitty ratings after their show. Howard said they did. He said even back then when they had great ratings the rest of the station had shitty ratings. Howard said no one listened after they went off the air. Robin said they went to other parts of the dial. Howard said he had Program Directors tell him that they sucked because they didn't keep people listening. He said it was baffling to talk to some of these guys.
Howard got a note from Jason about the new station and how they moved out of that old building. Gary said he thinks that all of the stations that are owned by that company are in one building down town. Howard said that would have been horrible to move down there. Howard said it's bad enough getting to Sirius. Howard said he wishes they would build one right next to where he lives. Robin said he doesn't even want to see any part of the city. Howard said he never goes anywhere. Robin said even going to Nobu is like going to outer space. Howard said he just wanted to get to dinner and he had an appointment before dinner. Howard said Nobu is still great. He said all of his paranoia about Salmon went out the window. That's what he had to eat last night. He said even the worms taste good.
Howard said they got Steve back to find out what's going on. Howard asked what Steve did. Steve said he decided to be a pussy about it and not say anything at all. Howard said he stayed with her, right? Steve said he ran through scenarios and he doesn't see how he can put it without ruining the relationship.
Howard asked Steve if she was a 10. Steve said she is a 10. He said she's a solid 9 at least. Howard said he did say that her breath was really bad like a shit had taken a shit and shit it out. Steve said that's on a good day. He said she'd brush her teeth and the smell would be back in 20 minutes too.
Howard asked what she weighs. Steve said she's like 110 pounds. Howard said he cleans out everything from his teeth after eating. He said he uses The Doctors Brush Picks to clean his teeth out. Howard said you have to get all of the shit out of there. He said he just had blueberries and they leave tons of shit in your teeth. He said it's like having a rotting pear in your mouth. Robin said it could be an internal thing. Howard said he thinks that it's stuff not getting out of the teeth. Howard said he thinks it's not cleaning her teeth.
Steve said it can smell like when you spray a bathroom for shit smell. He said it's a mix of shit and the smell of what you spray.
Howard asked if Steve is still with her. Steve said he is no longer with her. Robin said ''Right.'' Howard said this gives Robin faith in men. Robin said she thinks that he should tell her about her breath. She said that he could have said that they have a good relationship and they want to share things so they can have an open relationship. Howard said guys can't do that. He said that's why lesbian relationships work.
Steve told Howard that she broke up with him. He said that this was like the cosmos working. He said it was the most insane thing. He said on New Year's weekend it went down. Steve said that he and a group of friends rented a house over the weekend and he had a buddy in the car who is a Stern fan. Steve said he was in the back of the car with his girlfriend and the friend was in the front. He said the worst way for her to find out would be for her to hear it. He said that didn't happen.
Steve said his friend was playing the Best of 2016 and he never thought that it would be played on the Best of 2016. He said he gets woken up asking if this guy sounds a lot like you. Steve, whose name is actually Alex, said that he knew how this was going to go. He said he can't believe this is happening. ''Steve'' said he asked to hear anything else. He said his friend's girlfriend wanted to hear it. Then the details start to emerge and she knows it's him. Howard asked if he had to confess. Steve said they did. He said that they were in the car and they got into a fight.
Steve said he was in the car saying that it sounded like him but why would he do that? He said he was denying it was him and he's telling her that her breath was fine. Howard asked if she got pissed. Steve said that she got really upset. He said there was no way to deny it. Steve said she broke up.
Howard said that call was 42 minutes long too. He had to sit through it all. Howard asked if Steve is upset about the break up. Steve said he does miss her. He said part of it is because he doesn't think he's going to end up with someone as good looking as she is. He said she's a 10 and part of that is her job. He said if she's not a 10 the job gets her there. He said she was funny and smart and she could hold a conversation.
Howard said if he had the balls he should have been straight with her. Steve said he just doesn't have the balls. Howard said there's the update.
Steve said he was on a date with someone recently and she asked about the relationship. He said that he didn't want to tell her what went on. He didn't want her to know he told the story on the Stern show.
Howard asked Steve if he gets a boner from shit breath now. Steve said that would solve the problem but no. Howard asked if he's ever met someone with really bad breath and wonder how they put up with it. Robin said they must smell it. Robin said maybe they can't smell it at all. Howard said he knows people with the shittiest breath and the spouse just hangs in there. Howard said he's not sure how they can take it.
Howard said he couldn't be with a girl with shit breath. Howard said he's trying to think about who he dated when he was single. Howard said he may have been so horny that he didn't care. He said when he became more desirable to women he may not have been with any women with shit breath.
Steve said there are levels of it. Robin said they have met a lot of people with shit breath. Howard said he heard about one woman who had a smelly vagina and he avoided her. He said information gets circulated in his crowd.
Howard thanked Steve for the update. Steve said that he thought that maybe next week he'd have the balls but he never did. Howard said he worked for a guy in Washington DC and he had a boss he didn't like. He said then he went to WNBC and he had even worse bosses. He said that he thinks about how he could have handled it differently. Howard said you think you could have but maybe not. He said Steve couldn't have handled it better.
Howard said he's not sure how he lasted so long in radio. He said he's forever loyal to Robin because she trusted him. Howard said he found a crazy woman to listen to him. He said it worked out.
Howard said he hated Detroit. He said it was so depressing and horrible there. He said some of the jocks weren't so nice. He said that some were. He said the station sucked though. Howard said they were dead last in the ratings. Howard said the sales people thought they were shit. He said it was just bad there. Then they go to Washington and they were number 1 in the ratings and the Program Director was angry about that. He said then he goes to NBC and they realize they made a mistake hiring him. He said they didn't bother listening to what he did. Howard said they tried to reprogram him like a Mooney or some shit. Howard said then they had it with him and fired him. Robin said she was there one day and she heard a loud noise and it was Kevin throwing the phone at the wall.
Howard said you can beat yourself up but it is what it is. Steve said he knows. Howard said it's a heart break because he may not get a chick that hot. Robin said that's not the case. Howard said he fucked a girl in high school and he never did get a girl as hot as her again. Robin said Howard has Beth now. Howard said he's famous now. He said that's a different story. Howard said he can't even fuck a 9 now. He said his life isn't realistic now. He said he was banging his wife last night wondering if a Playboy magazine just popped into his room.
Howard said when he bangs his wife he thanks God for her. He said he was thinking about Dr. Lou and how he used to spend a lot of time with him. He said there were many lonely nights. He said Lou got girls but they had some lonely nights. Howard said he was talking to Lou in his head telling him to check this out. He said he'd know what it was like back then.
Howard said he lived with Lou and another guy in the dorm. He said he had one girl who was pretty ugly one night. Howard said he banged her and came back to the dorm room. He said he went to sleep and the girl came banging on the door. Howard said she was looking for more. Howard said Lou was looking at her like ''Oh my god what have you done?'' Howard said Lou saw his desperation. He said the girl was probably thinking the same thing about him. He said that it just wasn't good.
Howard said he's very lucky to be with his wife. Howard said when you meet guys who inherit money they are all blow hards. Howard said when he was a young man he didn't get to meet people like that. Now he does. He said these people have arrogance and it turns out they inherited their money. Howard said he'd like to take away their money and see if they can make 10 cents. Howard said they all know everything. He said they're over compensating. Howard said they're all instructing and telling stories and they really know nothing. Howard said the nice thing about him is that he was so downtrodden and he had so little guidance that he thanks God every day for what he has in his bed. Howard said he's lucky to have what he has.
Howard said Steve knows the truth. He said he'll never get a girl like this again. Howard said she's a 9 or a 10 and she's got a great job. Howard said it's a depressing thing. Howard said no one is listening to this show. He said he feels for him. He said next time he's with his 6 girlfriend they'll remember the 10 with the shit breath.
Steve said if he can make a public service announcement he won't call the Stern show if you date him. Howard thanked him for the call and said that's the lesson here. Don't call a radio station with your problem. Howard said at least it was a funny segment. Howard said there's Steve with the update.
Jason came in and said that Memet just turned 30 and he's freaking out. He said he's asking people there about his hair line and things like that. He said that Memet was asking him about when he started putting on weight and things like that. Howard said Memet is on Tinder and he puts down the married guys saying they're all jealous of him.
Jason said Memet isn't shy about saying it. He said Brent told him married life is awesome and Memet was like ''Yeah, right.'' He said that he's also kind of miserable and sad to him. Howard said Memet is lying about this age on Tinder. Jason said that girls can set an age range and he wants to date young girls. He said that he will date girls as young as 17 in New York. He said that's the age of consent there.
Memet came in and said that his life isn't sad at all. He said his dating life is great. He said it bothers people. Howard asked how many chicks he's banging right now. Memet said he's doing fine right now. Howard asked if he can't say because he's dating more than one. Memet said he's not in a serious relationship so it doesn't matter. Memet said it's a wonderful world out there.
Gary said Shuli said that his social media feed is crazy. Jason said that he's made him take a photo of him over again 14 times. Memet said that's not true. He said he will ask for a second shot. Howard said he is dating. Memet said that he is sending the picture out to a million people.
Howard said Memet is treating women more like shit now because he gets more that way. Memet said when he was nice the girls wouldn't even kiss him. He said when he's a dick and doesn't pay for anything and doesn't compliment them then they come to his apartment.
Robin said that maybe they want him to think they're not an easy lay. Memet said some girls have told him that he's too nice.
Jason said that he's changed his age to 28 on Tinder and that way the women will see him on the service. He has changed his whole profile to make it different. Memet said that he's going on a date with a 19 year old tonight. Howard said that's nice. Memet said it is. He said it's no wonder people are jealous in the back. Jason said no one is jealous. Memet said he thinks they are. He said you have to see people back there. He said they're making comments under their breath.
Memet asked Jason why he says his life is sad. Jason said that it's a lot of work to get these dates and there is a tinge of sadness. He said he's not getting any younger. Memet said he sees the people there and they have stories about their lives and it sounds miserable. Howard said he's so happy to be with Beth and not worry about dating. Memet said that his wife is still into him though.
Jason said that one guy back there complains about his marriage all the time so maybe that's what he's basing it on. Howard said that's Sal. Gary said there are people back there mad that the are being called jealous. Gary said he's not jealous. He said they really aren't. Howard said that Memet is banging a 19 year old tonight and he wants to see if he'd be jealous. He asked Memet to show him a picture of the 19 year old. Memet ran back to get his phone.
Jason said there's an app for dating people in the entertainment business and Memet applied to be on it and he was rejected. Howard said he'd never want to apply to something like that. Jason said on Tinder you get rejected all the time.
Howard saw Memet's date and said she is hot. Howard said that Tinder is crazy. Howard had him show Robin. Robin saw the picture and said she is very nice. Robin said she's 19 so what's not to like. Howard asked if she's in high school. Memet said she's not in high school.
Gary said he has some of Memet's selfies from his social media accounts. Howard said he has to do that to show the girls. Memet said he has short hair now so he has to update that stuff.
Jason said that you can pay to boost your posts and he's done that. Memet said it works though. He said it's $2.99 and for a half hour your picture is at the very top of the pile the girls swipe through. He said that he's the first guy the girl sees. He said he gets a lot of matches. Howard said he's like Memet Kardashian.
Jason said that Memet isn't worried about STDs at all. Memet said that's not true. Jason said he has said that they're over blown and not that big of a deal. Memet said he is worried about them. Howard asked if he wears a rubber. Memet said yes but the guys in the back were all yelling ''No, no, no'' according to Gary.
Memet said if he didn't wear them it's because you don't have feeling. Howard said he feels just fine. Howard said he still cums in record time with a rubber. Memet said it slows him down too much. He said he loses his erection. Howard said he must be gay. Howard said just the idea of being with a woman makes him blow his load. Memet said that they feel nothing similar. Howard asked if he will bang a girl on the first date without one. Memet asked who hasn't. Howard said he's being stupid. Memet said they were just talking about Robin yesterday getting anal. Robin said that was before AIDS and all of that.
Howard said that Robin has been emailed lately and she's not answering her email. Robin said it was empty yesterday. Robin said she was very busy yesterday. She said she didn't go home and take care of that thing. Robin got on her email to see how many she had. She had 215. Robin said she hasn't gone through it since yesterday. Robin said she'll go through it today before she leaves.
Memet said everyone there has a Facebook page and they all post selfies. He said it drives certain people there insane. He said the main one is Will. He said he thinks he's very happy in his life but for some reason he's jealous. Howard asked Will if he's jealous. Will came in but Memet wouldn't let him talk. Memet said that he's upset that girls say he's not the hottest guy on the show anymore.
Will said that living as a single guy sounds good at times but he's not jealous of Memet. He said the thing that irritated him is that he says people are jealous of him specifically. He said he has said that people are jealous of him and not just being single.
Howard said JD was getting girls and now he's almost married. Will went off on Memet saying that some of the girls who have worked there thought he was a creep.
Howard said he thinks that Memet and Will should have a sword fight. Memet said he doesn't want to get anyone in trouble for what they've said. Will said he has looked at the girls who he's dated and they are hot. Memet said he'll leave it at that.
Memet said there are people who are miserable there and he thinks he's having a good life dating. Howard asked where he's going to meet this 19 year old. Memet said he'll meet her at a bar or something. He said he's going to get her some drinks and then go back to his apartment for something innocent. He said that's how you get them back there.
Jason said that Steve Nowicki is younger and good looking too. Robin said he's not as good looking as Memet is but he is good looking.
Ronnie came in and said that Brent was telling him about this. He asked who is miserable out there. Ronnie said Memet is the miserable one who can't find a relationship. He said he's banging once and he can't keep a girl. He said he's fucking depressed. Memet said he isn't. He said he has been but he's really happy right now.
Jason asked if Memet thinks that Gary, Jon or anyone else is miserable. Memet said he just thinks that it bothers some of the guys that he's having fun. Will asked why it would bother them. Howard said he likes that Gary keeps trying to get in on this and he can't. Gary said it's very narcissistic to think they're all thinking about him.
Howard said Memet does check in to see what the fans are saying about him. Howard said he's also worried about his balding. Jason said he walks around there all the time asking about his hair line. Jason said he's also always coming into the office telling people about lowering his age on Tinder so he can date younger girls.
Will sad he's not jealous but he is interested in what he's doing. Memet asked if he has ever told him that he is jealous. Will said he has said it in a fun way. He said it's not in a malicious way.
Will said he's jealous that he gets to fuck Beth but he's not obsessed about it. Howard told him to tell him more. Howard said he's happy when anyone is jealous of anything he does.
Ronnie said Memet is a fucking weirdo. Memet said there are people in the room who have said things to him. He said Will is one of them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was jealous of him and now he has full blown AIDS. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he has to use the 3 week rule with the girls so you know they're not banging just any guy. Howard asked how many Memet is banging in a month. Memet said he's not a creep. Memet said he might do a new one a week. Howard said he's out of his mind not worrying about herpes. Memet said he's dating quality girls. Jason said he's going out with a 19 year old Tinder girl. Howard said quality girls are the first ones to get the herpes.
The caller told Howard to Google something called Blue Waffle or something. He said it'll freak him out about the STD thing.
Memet said that he was told about this thing called Shark Week and he didn't know about what it meant. He said he thought it was the show on Discovery but it turns out it's when you bang a girl and she's on her period. Howard said he went down on a girl once and he came up with blood on his face. Howard said she claimed that she didn't know it was her time.
Jason said he heard that Memet once walked in on his parents having sex. Memet said that's true but he wasn't aroused by it.
Howard asked Memet how many girls show up and the girl doesn't look as good as the picture. Memet said that has never happened. He said they always look like the picture. Ronnie asked about the guy upstate. Memet said he never went to that one.
Jason asked how long he's going to go with the age of 28. Memet said at least a year. He said when he turns 31 he'll go to 29. He said that the girls can't see him when they turn off that age. He said he thinks he'll fill them in later after they meet him. Ronnie said they will fuck him and then run away from him. Memet said sometimes he's the one who runs.
Howard said that Ronnie has gotten blow jobs just once from a girl. Ronnie said he's not doing it like Memet is. Howard asked what Memet does when you get contacted again. Memet said you have to act like a dick for a date or two. He said then it falls apart. He said that he's ready for another girl after that.
Jason said he lies about himself and he's doing it to bang the girls. Memet said he has to town down his niceness. Memet said that 30 freaks 19 year olds out for some reason.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Memet is full of shit. He said he's getting laid a lot and no one like that talks to their coworker's like this. Howard said this job is different. Howard said that he puts a lot of work into it and he has to brag about it. The caller said that it sounds like Steve Nowicki is getting more. Ronnie said Steve gets quality girls. He said he's seen pictures. He said they're real quality girls and they're not from Tinder. Robin said he has a better personality and he can pick up a girl. Will said he knows Steve had sex with two girls in one day recently. He said he picked up a girl at a club and took her home.
Howard had Steve come in to talk about this. Howard asked if he's getting more numbers. Steve said he gets maybe 3 women a month. Will said he's too busy with work. Memet got upset about that. Will said he was just kidding.
Steve said he gets women at bars and stuff like that. Howard asked if Memet is jealous. Howard said he never thought of Nowicki as a stud but now he is. Jason said it's more impressive to find out about it like this. Ronnie said Memet has bullshit going on. Howard said it sounds like Ronnie wants to go out with Steve.
Howard asked if Steve uses the fact that he's on the show to get laid. Steve said he doesn't really. He said he will tell the girl if they ask what he does for a living. Howard said he has an Associate Producer title so he can use that. Memet does too though.
Robin asked if Memet has a nice place now. Memet said he moved and it's a great place. He said it's right above a bar. He said that he can say he has to go up and grab something and not sound creepy. Howard said it must be noisy up there. Memet said he's on the 4th floor so he doesn't hear anything. Will said it's like one stop shopping for Memet. Memet said he has it down pretty good. Steve asked if the girl has a fake ID. Memet said that's correct. Howard said he thinks Bill Cosby lived above a bar too.
Memet said he loves Steve. He said they try to get them into a whole thing but it doesn't happen. Howard asked if Steve has to lie about this age. Steve said he doesn't. Jason said that's because he's younger. Memet said ask him in 8 years.
Howard said Memet went to an EDM concert and interviewed some people. Memet said the girls were way hot too. Howard said they don't sound it. He asked if he got laid there. Memet said when he's working he doesn't do that. Ronnie laughed. Ronnie said he's interviewing hot chicks and he's not trying to get laid. Memet said that the girls aren't into his type. He said they're not into guys like him. He said they like muscle heads.
Howard said Tinder is like going to a strip club. He said he thinks Ronnie would be on there if he was single. Ronnie said he doesn't know about that. Memet said Ronnie would be on there and he'd be saying he's 28. Memet said there are also married people on there. Howard said Ronnie could say he has that aging disease. Ronnie said he could go on and get laid just the way he is.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression. George was talking about Memet and how attractive he is. His phone cut off in the middle of that. Howard said that was it. Ronnie said Captain Janks has the hots for Memet. Memet said his family freaked out because Janks put photoshopped pictures of him up on his Facebook account. He said he should unfriend him. He said he doesn't want to start a war with the guy though. He said that he didn't see it for days but he had posted a picture of him as a gay porn star. He said it was so good that it was hard to tell it was fake. He said his family was sending him messages. Howard saw the picture and cracked up. Howard said that's wild. Memet said his aunts and uncles saw it and they hadn't seen him in years. Howard said that's the greatest. He was cracking up.
Memet said that it makes him feel good that Janks is into him. He said that he came close to unfriending him over the picture. He said that he's on probation now. Howard said it sounds like he's getting somewhere with the compliments.
Howard said he didn't know Nowicki was such a stud. He said when he first met him he was making models of the studio out of paper mache. He said that he's kind of nerdy. Howard asked what he's made recently. Steve said he made an Eddie Van Halen guitar replica. Will said he did a paper mache of the World Trade Center. Steve said he did that when he was much younger. He said he was like 10 when he made it. He said he made the planes going into it too.
Will told Howard about a girl who squirted all over Steve's apartment. Steve said it's really not pee. He said Ronnie is right. He said there was no smell and it had no color. Howard asked if she warned him. Steve said that she did. He said she was on top of him and it was like a 12 ounce glass of water was thrown on his stomach. Howard said she watered his plants. Howard said it was like a Nor'easter. Steve said it wasn't a major turn on. He said he had to sleep in a puddle. Steve said it was like 2 minutes into the banging. Howard said he doesn't think it's pee? Steve said he doesn't think so. He said it was two times too. He said there were two puddles. Ronnie said he told Howard it's not pee. Howard asked if Memet has ever had that. Memet said no. Ronnie laughed at him. Memet said he thinks they have to get Ed Torian back in there. He said that he questions any story like that. Robin asked if Steve ever saw her again. Steve said that was a one night stand kind of thing.
Steve said Memet claims he banged a girl on top of the Empire State building. Memet said he did. He said she was 19. He said they banged in Central Park too. He said they did it while cars were driving by. He said she was the one who wanted it. He said she had mental issues. Howard asked about banging at the top of the Empire State Building. Memet said this was one of the times that premature ejaculation was a good thing. He said if you go up there at 1 in the morning during the week there's no one up there.
Jason said that Memet is the one who seems jealous of Nowicki. Howard said Steve is a stud if he can get a girl to do that. Memet said he doesn't believe that squirting even exists in the real world. Robin said Gary got shot in the eye by a girl who squirted.
JD said he had a girl who squirted. Howard asked if he was paying for it. JD said he wasn't. Howard said that shows that anyone on the show can get laid of JD was getting it. Robin said that Gary had that squirting thing. Gary said he had a girl in bed like that too. Howard said that story Gary told about fucking a girl in the ass and then looking at her shit was so gross. He said he's gagging thinking about it. Fred said he didn't think much about it until he read an email about it.
Howard played a song parody where Gary was singing about the shit cum. Howard said he didn't know it was Gary singing it.
Howard asked if he's going to play that for his kids. Gary said he was thinking about how he hopes his wife isn't up yet. Howard asked Gary how long it was that she shit. Gary said this was a long time ago and he thinks it was like an hour. Howard said his cum was floating on her shit an hour after he fucked her in the ass. Gary said the beauty of the show is that everyone hears about this. Robin asked why he was getting a tour of it. Gary said he thinks she was surprised by it. He said she wasn't sure what was happening. Gary joked that it was his wife. Howard said he's an animal.
Howard said the weird thing is that she hasn't wiped yet. She asked Gary to look at her shit. Howard said he bets she didn't go to finishing school. Howard said that's not a high quality girl. Howard said Steve is the one getting the high quality girls. Howard said there's a weird anger about all of this. Memet said he's not sure where it's coming from. The guys said that Memet is the one who is angry. Memet said he's not though.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis who asked if Memet is socially retarded. He asked what he talks to a 19 year old about. Memet said you only have to talk to her for about 15 minutes. The guys brought up how she has a fake ID and wondered how he even knows she's 19. Memet said he likes women of all ages. He said it's not just young.
Robin asked if he will date a 17 year old. Memet said he would have sex with a 17 year old because it's legal. Howard said Brent knows every age of consent in every state. Jason said he heard that. Jason said that he told him that the southern states have a much higher age of consent. Chad asked what's going on over there. Howard said he attracts a very weird staff there.
Howard said he'd never bang a 17 year old. He said that he has daughters. He said he can't date someone younger than his daughters. Memet asked Ronnie if he could. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. Ronnie said if he was 30 he would.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said the guys there don't know if their wife is happy. His phone was making weird noises. It got worse when he tried to do something different. Howard said he loves that this guy can't get a good phone connection. Howard played a song parody about his awful phone connection where they had his phone calls sounding like shit.
Howard asked what King was trying to say. King asked how this sounds. It was the same but Howard said it's better. King was telling them that they will never know about something but his phone was making a beeping sound when he spoke. King said that he's sitting there in his car with a Rolex on and they can't hear him. Howard said he's got the worst phone but he's so materialistic. King said he has T-Mobile. Jason said that's not the best. Howard said he has Verizon and it's the best. King said they don't have a trade in. Howard said he's got the worst connection. King said he calls everyone and they say it sounds good.
Howard said it's great that he has the worst phone. King said it's not a bad phone. Howard said he's going to make an edict. Howard said tomorrow he has to get Verizon or he can't call in anymore. King said they can't do that. King said he knows it sounds good now. It didn't. Howard said maybe the fake Rolex was interfering with the phone. King told him not to insult him like that.
Howard said he has to go. He hung up on King and Fred played a beeping sound as Will was talking instead. Howard asked if Memet has banged a lot of married chicks. Memet said he has but he feels bad about it. Memet said his dating life has warped his sense of marriage. He said he sees a lot of women who are willing to cheat.
Howard said some married chick flew him to Italy or something. Memet said she wasn't married but she did fly him to Italy. He said she was a wealthy widow. Howard asked if she paid for everything. Memet said he paid for dinner a couple of times. Howard asked if she was hot. Memet said she was very attractive. He said he's not supposed to talk about this though.
Howard said a woman once shot Steve to Mars. Fred, as Ronnie, added ''and she squirted!'' Howard asked Steve what he does with these girls. Steve said he likes to fuck and fuck hard. Robin laughed and said he doesn't look like that type of guy. Howard asked if he likes to fuck from behind. Steve said he likes being dominant. He said one girl liked to be smacked in the face. He said that was pretty cool. He said she was on top of him and asked to be slapped. He said he'd never done that before. He said he didn't hit her hard enough to bruise. Howard said Memet is all bored by this. Memet said he's not bored. He said he's fascinated.
Howard said the girl is on top of Steve and she asked to be smacked. Steve said she got so wet when he hit her. He said she loved it. Steve said his mind was blown. Howard asked if she asked to be hit again and again. Steve said she did. He said that's the only girl who has ever asked for that. Howard asked if she was woozy after that. Steve said it wasn't that hard.
Howard asked where he met her. Steve said he has known her since high school. Howard said wow to that. Howard said he likes to fuck hard.
Howard said he has the ghost of the widow's husband on the phone. Howard took the call and the guy said he's jealous of Memet. He had an Italian accent for some reason. Howard asked if they're listening to what they're talking about back there. Howard said he thinks they've talked enough about this. Will said he loves hearing the stories from Memet. He asked him to not stop telling him. He said he's not jealous. Howard said it sounds like a lot of fun to him. Jason said he thinks it would be miserable for him. Howard said it's fun in the moment but then you have to get rid of the girl and it becomes a job. Howard said he's really happily married. He said Beth is kind of fun. Memet said that's not as common as a miserable marriage. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said he's needy and needs someone around. Memet said he likes to be alone. Howard said that works for him then.
Jason asked if Steve is worried about STDs. Steve said that he is. He said he wears a condom. He said he doesn't lose his boner. He said he was talking to Memet and he doesn't even feel like he needs a condom with a girl because he doesn't think he dates ''dirty'' girls. Howard said Ralph once told him that he was dating a dirty girl and when he heard that he broke up with her. Howard said he doesn't even know what he meant by that. Howard said Ralph said she was dirty and he had to break up. He said Ralph says he knows. He's banged without condoms and he's never gotten an STD. Jason said you don't know. Memet said that it's a feeling you get based on her lifestyle. Will asked how he can bang a girl who just met him hours before and think she's clean. Memet said that if they say they have to use a condom he'll try to break her down. He said he feels better about that. Robin said he's so naive.
Howard told him to try Durex condoms. Memet said he has to use something that's as thin as it can be. Will said being in a relationship is good because you don't have to use a condom. Memet said you can do that when you're not in a relationship too. Robin said she thinks Memet has a problem if he can't stay hard with a condom. Memet said that he might have a problem.
Memet said that he did watch a lot of hard core porn and stuff before he started dating like this. He said he has no problem staying hard when he doesn't have a condom on. Howard said he's like 30 years older than him and his dick is as hard as a rock. Howard said he's never had a problem. He said it might not stay up after having sex 3 or 4 times that night. Robin said she thinks Memet has issues. She said that a condom should only enhance it.
Howard said he knows a guy who doesn't use a condom and it turns out he was gay. Memet said he does use them but once in a while he has a problem.
Howard took a call from Liberace who said that he doesn't think he should use a condom because they are overrated. Howard asked if he likes Memet. Liberace said that he does seem a little gay to him. He said he wishes he could have met a girl. Howard said he was so talented and so handsome. Why didn't he find a woman. Liberace said he didn't have Tinder where he could have paid $2.99 to get to the top of the list.
Howard had to take a break and get to Memet at the EDM concert. Robin said she was only teasing Memet and she doesn't think he has a problem. Howard said he does think he has a problem. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he sees a lot of people on the phones. He took a call from a woman who said Memet doesn't understand that he can't keep a hard on because he's not able to keep an emotional connection to the girls. Howard said it doesn't make sense. He said he should be able to keep an erection either way. Howard said as a man if you have an erection problem then there's something going on. Fred said he should be able to split a diamond with his dick at the age of 30.
Howard said women don't understand sex as a man. Howard took a call from another woman who said she and her husband usually stick to DVD porn but now they watch it online. She said she has seen some messed up stuff though. Howard said you have to be careful what you watch.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has been going through the same problem as Memet too. He said he thinks it's anxiety. He said that can cause problems especially if you smoke weed.
Howard said he doesn't know why these guys would have a problem with a condom. Howard said just bend over and he'll be hard Howard said some of these guys are feminine.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Beth was perfect on Access Hollywood Live yesterday. She said that Beth is also trying to get some kittens adopted. Howard said okay and he gets it but the problem is that it's not a conversation with her. Robin said she's just making announcements. Howard said that's right. He said she's like a town crier. Howard played a song parody about Mariann. After that Howard played a phony phone call the guys made to a radio show using clips of Wolfie asking questions about balls. Howard said that's a new series they've developed.
Memet said there were like 10,000 people there and they were barely covered up. He said one girl was covered in pickles over her nipples. He said that was it. Howard said the music is endlessly repetitive. Howard played another clip of what he was talking about. Howard said he thinks he could write a song like that.
Memet said the people who go are on hard core drugs so that's why it sounds good to them. He said they're in another dimension. Howard had a song he wrote called Submarine Warning. He had Fred play some audio clips to create his song. Howard said he has Electric Shaver too. Fred played the sound of a shaver. Howard said this is 45 minutes long.
Howard said that he also put out Blender. Fred said he doesn't have Blender there. He said he's still mixing that.
Howard said Memet was at the EDM festival and he interviewed some people. Memet said the guys who were there are all meat heads. He said he's kind of shocked that JD is into it. He said he meant that as a compliment.
Howard said the girls are college age and they're all on drugs hooking up with guys. Memet said they're on ecstasy and Molly. Memet said if his kids were into this he'd look into their lives immediately. Memet said that people die at these shows.
Howard said Memet found this girl writhing around on the ground. Memet said she was tripping her balls off. He asked her what kind of drugs she likes. She said alcohol and marijuana are all she needs. She said she'll be hooking up with girls and boys that day. She told Memet that it's all about PLUR which was Peace, Love, Unity and something else she didn't know.
Howard asked if she was a 10. Memet said she was at least an 8. Memet said he knows a lot of hot girls are into this music. Howard said maybe they can dance to it. Memet said they have a hospital tent there for the people to go to.
Howard played a clip of Memet asking a guy what the best drug for a show like that is. The guy said he saw a girl taking coke up her butthole. Howard asked how they do that. Memet said they must have blown it in there. Robin said there are reports that it's absorbed faster that way. Robin said it all just goes right in. Howard said he doesn't think he'd do that. Memet said if a girl asked him to do that to her he'd do it. Howard said no one ever asked him to do anything like that. Gary said they say that the coke gets stuck on the hair in your nose but in the ass it doesn't do that. Howard said it would with his ass. Howard said you might want to wear a rubber with that girl.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about how he saw someone so fucked up that he thought they were dead. The guy described what it was like seeing that person so fucked up. The guy told Memet that he had about 15 shots and some Xanex. He told Memet what his favorite song was and he had to make the sounds because he didn't know the name.
Howard said he was the designated driver. Howard played another clip of a guy talking about the drugs he was taking there. He said he had a rock of coke hanging out of his nose so big that it didn't fit in there. Memet said that everyone had stories about seeing people so fucked up there. Howard said this reminded him of Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking to Memet about the crazy stuff he's seen at an EDM show. He claimed he had a 12 inch dick. Memet said it wasn't 12 inches but it was big. He had a thing that the flipped up to show it off.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard and Robin don't know the best songs. He told them the best by making noises. Howard said he has more songs of his own. He had Toilet Flush. Fred played a toilet flushing sound.
Howard had an interview that Memet did with a girl who almost overdosed on ecstasy. She told Memet that her mom goes to the shows with her sometimes. Howard said if your mom rages with you then you might O.D. a lot. Howard said that his mom raged with him. He did his mom's voice and had her talking about that.
Howard asked if there were black people there. Memet said it's a white person thing. He said he met one black girl there. Howard played that interview and the girl told Memet which song she likes. Again she was just making the noises of the song and didn't know the name of it. Howard said Chris Rock does a routine about going to rock shows and only seeing a couple of black people there. Howard said he says that he was the only black guy there.
Robin said all of the girls had the raspy voice there. Memet said that's because they were all yelling and screaming.
Howard said there were some gay guys there. Memet said he did talk to a few. Howard played a clip of one gay guy talking about how all of the guys there are ''basic'' and ''bro as fuck.'' Howard said that must mean that they're not gay so they can't have fun with them. Robin asked what language they were speaking. Howard said Robin is getting old.
Howard said that's it. He said most of the people were fucked up there. Memet said some were too out of it to talk. Howard said this one might be his favorite. Howard played a clip and the guy didn't have a favorite song. He told Memet that he is so fucked up that he can't even talk.
Howard said that they did a phony phone call where Jack and Rod were pretending to be at an EDM festival. Howard played the clip and Sal and Richard were talking to an author about his book over loud EDM music. They pretended they couldn't hear him so they asked him to yell. They pretended to close a door and then it opened again. They were taking hits off a nitrous bottle and things like that. The guy hung up.
Howard said he has a JD bracket. He said they can ask who he likes the best. He asked about Richard and Sal. JD came in and asked why he has to do this. Howard told him to just do it. JD said he loves everyone there. Howard said he has to pick one. JD picked Richard. He was asked about Jason and Will. JD said that's a tough one. Howard asked if he got laid on Tinder. JD said he did not. He said everyone he talked to wanted a relationship. He said he messaged some women but that was it.
Gary said he thinks the point of the bit is to see who he likes the least. That means Sal is on the list. Howard asked about Jason and Will. JD said they both love to bust his balls. He laughed. He said it's ridiculous and it isn't helping him at all. Howard said that's why they're doing it. He said it's fun to hear him struggle. JD picked Jason as the least liked. He said that he's a lot more opinionated. He said he can be kind of annoying at times.
Howard said yesterday Jason got a delivery and it came in a nice black box from McDonald's. He said Jason got a nice gift and it turns out it's a bottle that there are only 10,000 of. He said it's a McDonald's special sauce bottle. Jason said that they're numbered. Howard said Jason was wondering if he should save it for the future or use it. Howard said you can go to McDonald's and get it whenever you want. Jason said it's so cool because it's very unique. Howard asked why he got it. Jason said that they know where their bread is buttered. Howard said he heard Jon is jealous. Jason said he might keep it on his shelf there. He said he might keep it refrigerated. Howard asked if JD would want that. JD said sure but he would use it. Jason said he feels that once he opens it that's it. Jason said that the sauce is special. He said that no one has it in an official thing like that. He said he was way excited about it. Jason said he got a note about it coming over and he freaked out about it.
Howard said JD is into McDonald's as much as Jason is. JD said he hasn't eaten it for like a year now because he had breakfast and he had diarrhea for like a day.
Howard said he sees the stuff JD eats back there. JD said he knows. He said he tries to hide it from him. Howard said he's not going to lose weight if he keeps doing that.
Howard asked JD if he dislikes more Jon Hein or Ronnie. JD said that they're his two closest people there. Howard said he has to pick the one he likes the least. JD said he has said before that he's closer to Jon slightly. He had to go with Ronnie.
Howard asked JD about Benjy or Gary. He said it's like Sophie's Mumble. JD said he and Benjy haven't talked all that much. He said he'll go with Benjy on this one.
Howard asked if he likes Sal or Jason least. He picked Jason. With Ronnie or Benjy it was Benjy. With Jason and Benjy it was Jason because he's fucked with him more than Benjy has. Howard said the guy he likes the least is Jason. JD said they got what they wanted so you're welcome. Jason said he was expecting this. Howard said he thought that Benjy would lose in that one. Jason said he talks to JD more than Benjy does so maybe that's why.
JD said he's going to change his answer because Jason is right. He said he's not sure if he knows the real Benjy. He said he still doesn't know him after 15 years. He said he's going to change it to Benjy.
Howard said Benjy was down in the lobby of the building and it's really fancy here. Howard said Benjy was down there and no one from the show was around. He said he was dry humping a fire alarm box. He said he was inside the building and the security guys were watching him in shock.
Richard came in and showed a picture he took down there. Howard said no one was even around. He said he thinks that he hopes that word will get out and he'll get microphone time. Howard said he wants to be like Andy Kaufman. Howard said that could have gotten him kicked out of the building. Richard said someone else tapped him on the shoulder and told him to look. He said he was just rubbing against the fire alarm. He said it made him laugh. Robin said she's thinking about people walking around and seeing this guy who looks homeless humping a fire alarm. Robin said she wouldn't let him around her when she was sick because she doesn't know who he is.
Gary said Benjy said he spotted Richard and someone else out there and wanted them to see it. That's his explanation. Richard said he'd watch Benjy over Shia LaBeouf any day. Howard said Shia is doing something weird. JD said he's setting up a camera where you can just say ''He will not divide us'' to do a Trump protest. Howard said he has some tape of Shia doing his thing. He played a clip and it was Shia and a bunch of people saying ''He will not divide us'' over and over. Howard said they almost had him booked on the show once and his people kept him off the show because they can't trust him. Gary said he's not positive that's the reason but that could be it.
Howard said he thinks he'd be a great guest. Howard played another clip of what people are doing to the camera now. He said people have too much time. He said they're up to nonsense. Richard said he'd love to see Benjy go up there and just scream. Howard said he'd do that. Howard said this is just a douche trap. He played more audio of weird people doing stuff there.
Howard said the music behind it must be perfect for shitting. Robin said she thinks they should try EDM. Howard said that he has a guy on the phone who is constipated. He picked up and it was one of he guys in the back who said he was constipated but then he started to shit from the hypnotist.
Howard had another clip of a hypnotist helping people enlarge their penis. He played that and the guy was talking about how you're one with your penis and you're proud of your penis. Howard said fuck it and went for it.
Howard played another clip of a female hypnotist talking about how you can grow a dog tail. Howard said people are so fucked up. She was also saying that the guy's balls are going to hang lower too. Howard said that's weird. Richard said Sal finds some weird shit on the internet. Robin wondered what he's looking for when he finds that stuff. Howard said that's the question.
Fred played some clips of Sal talking about being a turtle. Howard said that's the best or second best hypnosis. Howard said they also had the time they made his cock disappear. Howard played those clips too. Richard laughed. Howard said he was so nervous during that one that he made the guy stop. They had clips of Sal screaming and asking where his cock was. Howard said he's such a weirdo.
Howard said Sal has his own cooking show on the internet. He said he's still doing it but no one cares about it. He said he was interviewing his father and he seems to be implying that his dad invented pizza toppings. Howard said he thinks Sal leads him down that road. Howard played a clip of Sal's dad talking about the pizza toppings and how he thinks they started all of that. Howard said now his dad is bitter thinking they ripped him off. Howard said that was kind of interesting. Richard said it's a fun show because it's for making food in a toaster oven.
Howard said Sal's dad thinks he invented the Calzone too. Howard said Sal gets emotional about his days in the pizza shop. Howard played a clip of Sal talking about his days in the pizza shop. He was talking about being there and said he's getting emotional. Sal said he loves to cook because it brings him back to those good days. Howard said he thought Sal hated that place.
Howard had Sal come in. Sal told Howard about his dad breaking three loaves of bread over his head. He said that he told his dad an order once and his dad made the wrong thing and his dad broke the bread over his head. He said the guy who was thinking about buying the place saw that and never came back. Sal said when he was a little boy he loved going to the pizza shop. He said when he was a teen things changed. He said he had to work 6 days a week. He said his dad started making pizza 63 years ago. He said maybe he did invent some of that stuff. He said that he also claims he invented Stromboli. He said he curses out the owners of these places because of that.
Howard said the special sauce at that shop was the salty tears from Sal. Howard had to go to break after that. He did a live commercial read first.
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Howard said he was reading a story about Vice President Mike Pence and how he calls his wife ''mother.'' Howard read the story about how they met in church and things like that. Howard said according to Rolling Stone they say that Pence calls his wife ''mother'' and they told a story about how he was invited to a dinner once and people overheard him calling her ''mother'' there. Howard said that they thought maybe it was a joke but he kept doing it. Howard said once you start doing that then it must be over in the bedroom. Howard said if he was married to Robin and he called her mother what would happen. Robin said she'd think he was nuts. Robin said Mike Pence does look kind of strange. She said he's not loose at all. Robin said he's so godly but he doesn't seem to like people. Robin said he seems to be a very uptight human being. Robin said she's basing that on seeing him moving around. Robin said it's a weird group. Robin said that people worry that Trump won't make it 4 years and Pence will take over. Howard said he's hearing that Pence is actually running things.
Howard said he has President Trump on the phone now. He took the call and fake Trump was shocked that he hadn't been impeached yet. Howard asked if he's been busy. Trump said he has just one thing to do. He told Pence that this thing is boring now so he's president. Howard said it rained that day he was inaugurated. Trump said it was fake rain. He said he thought that it was Russian hookers peeing on him but then he remembered that was fake news. Howard said he has to go. Trump asked Howard to grab Robin's pussy for him. Trump was gone a short time later.
Robin started her news with a story about Butch Trucks is dead at the age of 69. Robin said he was one of the drummers in The Allman Brothers band.
Howard had fake Trump back on the phone and went through the script with the pre-recorded clips. Howard asked Trump a few more questions. He asked about dancing with Caitlyn Jenner at the inauguration dinner. Trump said that he was in for a big shock when he grabbed her pussy. Howard let him go a short time later.
Robin got back to the Butch Trucks story and had Howard play some music from The Allman Brothers.
Robin read a story about McDonald's giving away the special bottles of special sauce that Jason talked about earlier. Robin said they have two new Big Macs out too. Howard said he doesn't miss eating meat at all. He said some people like it though. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break, around 10:35am, Howard came back and played a Lenny Dykstra theme song intro where he says ''I'll lick your cunt'' and some other things about Robin. Howard said he didn't know where were words to this. He said when he watched him play baseball he was his favorite. He said he thinks of him differently now.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Yordano Ventura's death and how his family is asking for an investigation because there are rumors that he was robbed while he laid dying.
Robin read a story about a foster child who aired her suicide on Facebook. Robin said that the 14 year old broadcast herself hanging herself on Monday morning. Robin said that the foster parents were sleeping when it happened.
Howard said he's trying to figure out that whole Facebook broadcasting thing. He said he would have loved that as a kid. Robin said she's following Mark McGrath and they can see you too. Howard said he could be famous if he did that. Howard said the only one he sees is Charles Koppelman. He said he was watching him experimenting with that. He doesn't even know him that well. Jason asked if it's Brian Koppelman. Howard said Charles is his dad and he's a big entertainment lawyer. Howard said he was watching Brian doing it. He said he pretended he didn't know what was happening. He said you know he's loving it. Jason said Brian loves that stuff. He used to do stuff on Vine too. Howard said he got bored and bailed out after like 2 minutes. Howard said Robin wouldn't last more than a minute. Robin said Mark McGrath is usually getting ready for some concert or something when he's on. Howard said they're playing some country fair or something. Robin said he's always self deprecating. Howard said he says he can't sing too. Howard said the guy can sing. Howard did his impression of Brian talking during his Facebook live thing. JD said he has some audio but he has to pull it.
Howard said Facebook in the wrong hands is dangerous. He said it's hard to put on a TV show. Howard told JD not to hassle if it's too much of a big deal. JD said he's pulling it now. Howard had him just put his microphone up to the feed. JD did that and Brian was talking about the books in the room he was in. Howard told him to just put it up on his computer. He gave up on the JD microphone. Fred said he can play the Brian Koppelman audio from his computer if he wants. Howard had Fred do that. Howard said this is what he was watching. Howard listened to that for a short time. Howard said he was done by now. He gave up a short time later.
Robin read a story about how Idris Elba is going to be auctioning off a date. Robin said that it's through Omaze and she has the pitch that he made on the site. Howard played the clip and talked back to it as it played. Howard said he's dumping Fred for Idris. He said he loves seeing black guys with a British accent. Robin said he can do a great American accent. Howard said he is a pretty good actor. He said he should get an Academy Award.
Howard goofed on Brian Koppelman some more but said don't message him because he's just goofing around.
Robin read a story about the Apple Air Pods and asked if Howard got them yet. Howard said he didn't. He said he doesn't think they'd work for him. Robin said that people were afraid of losing them so now Apple will have an iOS update that lets you find the Air Pods if they're still connected via bluetooth. Howard said he has Bluetooth headphones and he wants to be able to pair them with all of his devices. He said they have to make it simpler.
Robin read a story about Pittsburgh International Airport being voted the best airport in the world. Robin said this is the first time a U.S. airport has been nominated.
Robin read a story about how people who eat seafood regularly could be eating as many as 11,000 pieces of plastic a year. Robin said many of them get stuck in the body. Howard said he is almost completely vegetarian now. Robin said she eats fish but she may have to cut back. Howard said he's thinking of stopping eating. Robin said when she was Vegan she was out of all of these stories. Robin said now she's back in. Robin read more about this story and how they're not sure how the plastic will affect people. Robin said the plastic can last for centuries.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he glued his Air Pods into his ears to make sure he didn't lose them. The guy was doing a bit and Howard hung up on him in the middle of it.
Robin read a story about some conjoined twins that were separated. Howard said he read the names that were Ballenie and Bellanie Camacho. Howard said it's almost the same name. He didn't understand why that would be.
Fred played a Soupy Sales ''I don't like talking chairs'' clip and Howard said he loves that clip. He said Soupy is his idol.
Robin read a story about governor Mark Dayton who announced he has cancer and his outlook is good. This came after he collapsed the other day during a speech. Robin said he's due for more cancer testing soon.
Robin read a story about a couple that left a message of hope at a restaurant. Robin read about how the customer's bill was $74 but they left a $450 tip. Robin said they left a note that was very uplifting as well.
Robin read a story about the storms that hit in Georgia and how the Red Cross is trying to raise funds for victims down there.
Robin read a story about how Mississippi is asking for federal assistance after the disaster that hit there. Robin said the state is looking for long term housing as well. Robin said they're really suffering after all of that.
Robin read a story about the UN condemning an Israeli settlement plan.
Robin read a story about the President who has stopped government agencies to stop releasing public information including fact sheets and social media. Robin said they're stopping the EPA and USDA from posting anything. Robin said that the EPA is also taking down global warming pages from their web site. Howard said that is a huge mistake. Robin said that they're scrambling to do something but they have been told to take it down.
Robin said the Trump administration is also claiming there were many illegal votes cast during the election. Robin said that some people are asking them to stop making those debunked claims. Robin had some audio clips and more details about that story.
Robin read a story about the president making comments on Twitter about sending in the feds into Chicago if the murder rate doesn't calm down. Howard said that sounds like a good idea to him. He said they had to do that in Roosevelt. Robin said the state took over in Roosevelt. Howard said that they might send in Rambo and Vin Diesel. Howard said when they took over Roosevelt it worked. Robin said they may call in the National Guard. Howard said they're trying to scare everyone.
Robin said a Secret Service agent said that she wouldn't take a bullet for Trump. Robin said that she broke a federal law when she made some posts about that. Robin said that one of the posts said that she would take jail time over a bullet in what she believes is a diaster for this country. Robin said the Secret Service is taking quick and appropriate action.
Robin read about the leaders of Ford, GM and Chrysler had a meeting with Trump. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how that went.
Robin read a story about Toyota saying they're going to be creating jobs in the U.S. too. Robin said that part of the promises the President made are coming true. Robin said that he's going to start doing something that would start work on the border wall. Robin said she's wondering if it's just going to be some kind of mess or will it look nice. Howard said it'll be a gold wall.
Robin read a story about how Washington DC residents are upset about a bill that passed the house yesterday. They have banned them from using funds to help with abortions in the area. Robin said they're big on banning abortion or making it more difficult for women. Howard said he's not happy about that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was arrested for trespassing on Trump's Mar-A-Lago country club. Robin said she did some damage there in protest of Trump.
Robin said Trump has taken steps to get some pipelines going. Robin said that some groups are upset about the order to get them going. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read a story about a celebrity phone hacking that happened a while back. Robin said that they caught the guy and he was sentenced to 9 months behind bars. Robin had audio of the guy's attorney talking about how his client feels sorry for what he did.
Robin read a story about Michael Jackson's daughter and how she wants to be a model. Howard said she's hot but not model hot. Robin said Paris says her dad was murdered and there's a profile in Rolling Stone about her. Robin read some details from that article.
Robin read a story about a radio station in Texas that's upset about Madonna's speech and they have banned her music because of that.
Robin read a story about Don McClean and the song ''American Pie'' and how the hand written lyrics for the song are up for auction. Robin said they think it could bring in $100,000. Robin said there are other things up for auction as well. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Here's what they played on today's show:
Today's show was over around 11:00am.