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Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about being back from their week off. He said it's great when he can sleep. He slept the whole vacation. Howard said he just got up this morning like Rip Van Stern.
Howard said it's Robin's birthday today and they'll have a celebration later. Howard said he has to talk about Gisele Bundchen. He said she walked and they were talking about her in the news. Howard said that's all she does. He said it's amazing that it made the news. Robin asked if he's watched the Olympics at all. Howard said he hasn't watched a minute of the Olympics. He said he saw the cover of every paper with Gisele on it. He said if only he could get in the news for walking. Robin said it's interesting that she's the most known Brazilian. Howard said that's pretty bad. Howard said if Chris Reeve came back to life and walked down the aisle that would be news. Howard said if you get carried on over walking that's something. Howard said some little girl in Brazil is thinking that some day she'll be able to walk like Gisele.
Howard said he was fixated on the Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry on vacation story. Howard said it's unbelievable that they're together and on vacation and Orlando is nude. Howard said they were in Sardinia on a paddle board. Howard asked where Sardinia is. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said if he were running for President he'd be asked and wouldn't know. Gary said it's off the coast of Italy. Howard asked if that's where Sardines come from. Gary said he doesn't know. Howard said did his impression of his dad and talked about Sardines. Howard asked if it's a country. Robin said it's part of Italy. Howard said you've got him with that. He said it sounds like the land that Putin wants back for Russia.
Howard said Orlando Bloom was completely nude and on the board. He said his whole asshole and penis are out and Katy is covered in a gigantic bikini. Howard said it's like a mom bikini from the 50s. Howard said that's what his mom wore. He said she's completely over dressed and sweating. Robin asked how it got to be like that with the man nude and the woman covered. Howard said his genitals are all smudged on the internet. Howard said he hasn't seen his penis but he wants to. He said he's not gay but he wants to see it. He said he has tried searching and he can't find it. Robin asked if Mr. Skin can help. Howard said he doesn't have an account so he doesn't know. Howard said everyone is searching for Orlando Bloom. Howard said you don't do that unless your cock is massive. Robin said it is a big square they cover it up with. Howard said they'd just need a dot for his.
Howard said he just wants to see how big the guy is. He asked if that makes him gay. Robin said yes. Howard asked if anyone has a picture where you can see it. He said every site is blurred out like commercial TV. He said it's the internet so you should be able to see it. Howard asked the guys why Orlando's penis isn't on his desk. He asked if it's that hard to find. Gary said everyone out there is saying yes. Howard said he wants that cock in his face right now.
Gary said the picture is on its way in. Howard asked how they found it. Jason said he just searched for ''Orlando Bloom's penis uncensored.'' It came in a short time later. Howard said look at the size of that. He said it's all shaved and big. Howard said Katy is in her giant bikini. Howard said that's a big cock. He wished his looked like that. Howard said his looks like that aroused. Howard said that guy is blessed. He said he's got it made with that cock and Katy Perry on the surf board. Howard asked Robin if she would like that. Robin said you do want that.
Howard asked Robin if she sees that and gets nervous. Robin said it's not even erect. Robin said you can imagine it gets bigger. Robin said she would be scared.
Howard said he's trowing that out. He can't take it. Howard said he knew it was going to be big. He said he must put sunscreen on it. He said he worries about that.
Howard said Justin Bieber is into showing his cock too. He said he's kind of glad he doesn't have a big one. He said he would have had it out all the time if he did. Howard said he'd have a lot of explaining to do to the kids.
Jim also asked Howard about the articles about him courting Hillary Clinton. Howard said he wasn't courting her. He said he did an interview where he talked about how he would like to get Hillary on the show because she'd be well served on the show. Howard said he thinks people would get to know her the way they get to know actors and musicians on the show. Howard said he's heard from fans who hear people like Gwen Stefani on the show and they go out and buy her stuff once they get to know her on the air. Howard said he thinks that would happen for Hillary or even Trump. Howard said anyone running for office would be well served. He said that was the point of that article.
Howard played a clip of Sour Shoes announcing who they had coming up on today's show. They have Seth Rogen coming in. Sour did his George Takei, Gary and his baby voice as he did that.
Howard said they have to get Orlando Bloom in there to talk about his big cock. Howard said he would do the same thing if he had one that big. Howard said Katy Perry must be turned off to him whipping it out like that. Howard said she's just putting up with it. Howard said he doesn't think most women would like that. Howard said he's got his penis out and his balls and asshole are hanging out too. Howard said he doesn't have to share that with the world. Robin said she wouldn't have a problem with it. Howard said he would think that she wouldn't think it was boyfriend material. Howard said if Beth did something like that he'd think something was wrong with her. Howard said he thinks Katy is madly in love with the guy but she secretly wishes he'd put his pants back on. Howard said this is making him nuts. He said he can't get over that big cock.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks Katy is uncomfortable in that photo. Howard said in one photograph he's grabbing her tits on the beach. The caller asked if he thinks they were staged. Howard said it could be. Robin said it doesn't seem like he's bothered. Howard said he has a big cock so anyone who wants to cast a movie might see that and they want to put him in more movies. Howard asked the caller if she would think differently of him if she was dating him. She said she knows there are nude beaches there in Sardinia so maybe that's why he was nude. Howard let her go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy, Apples, who wished Robin a happy birthday. He asked if Howard binged any shows. Howard said he did. He said he will recommend this show ''Stranger Things'' on Netflix. Robin asked if he liked it. Robin said she just thought it was okay. Howard said it was fantastic. Howard said Netflix went and invested in original programming and they've developed some great stuff. Howard said the show was made by the Duffer Brothers and they did a great job. He said they brought it to like 11-15 networks and they all passed on it. Howard said they brought it to Netflix and it's a huge hit. Howard said it will bring in a lot of subscribers. Howard said it's 8 shows and it's great. He said he binge watched that. Robin said she did too but she didn't like it. She said it was a children's show. Howard said it was not. Don't listen to Robin. Robin said it seemed a little too much for the kids.
Apples asked if he saw ''Vice Principals' on HBO. Howard said he did not and he won't watch it. He said he doesn't like comedies. Howard said he won't watch that.
Howard said he likes Ray Donovan. Howard said he likes Jon Voight and Liev Schreiber in that. Howard said he likes that other guy on the show whose name he can't remember. Howard went through a bunch of wrong names but Fred told him it's Bunchie. Howard said that's right. He said he heard that guy has Tourette's in real life.
Howard said he wasn't going to see ''Sausage Party'' since Seth is coming in today. He said he had some friends over on the weekend last weekend and he asked if they wanted to watch the movie. Howard said he told the movie studio to start the timer because they only give you 48 hours to watch. Howard said he never saw it because the 48 hours ran out. He said he wanted to see it but they only gave him 48 hours. Howard asked why the have to do that. He said that's not the way it should work. He said the only sausage party he saw was the Orlando Bloom thing. Howard said he has to take a break now. He said he has to get to Robin's birthday after that.
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After the break Howard came right back and asked why Orlando Bloom would be fully shaved and naked. Howard said you have to be insane. He said he thinks he knew he was being photographed. Robin said she thinks he knew what he was doing and wanted some publicity. Howard said he thinks that thing is 6 flaccid and it grows to 9. Robin said it might.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone and asked him about penises and how they grow. Howard asked if it gets way bigger for him. Ramone said it does. He said he's going to compare his father's cock to Orlando's. He said his father's is much bigger. Howard asked how he saw his dad's cock. Ramone said he was at the urinal and saw it at a birthday show. Howard asked if he's lying. Ramone said he's not lying. He said he really saw it and he's hung like a fucking horse. Howard said he does have a big one. Howard said he remembers seeing his dad's cock and thinking if he'd rather have a big penis or a full head of hair. Howard said he doesn't even color his hair. Howard said his grandpa Saul had a full head of hair too. Howard said he must have had a small cock too. He said his grandpa had black hair into his 80s. Howard said he should ask his mom if she ever saw his cock.
Robin asked if his grandpa was a ladies man. Howard said he was. Howard said his mom thinks that he may have killed her mom. Howard said she told him that her mom went into the hospital and never came out. Howard said after she passed then his grandpa married another woman who was kind of hot. Howard said he was a ladies man. Howard said his mom would tell him about his grandpa shipping her off to an orphanage to be passed off to different families. Howard said they'd see him once a month. Howard said he eventually got them back. Howard said he came back once he married another woman but then he left her and shipped the kids off again. Howard said he eventually got them back because he knew that they could help him out around the house.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a cock reduction surgery a few years ago. He said he was too big and women didn't like it. He said he didn't last long either. Howard said that's insanity to make it shorter. Robin asked how they do that. The caller said he was about 11 inches long erect and 9ish flaccid. Howard said he wants to pray to Jesus. Howard said this Maurice guy didn't appreciate the cock he was given. Howard said he has to get off this call. Howard asked how they change the size. Maurice said they took out about 2 inches or so toward the base. Howard asked how they reattach it. Maurice said they take it off and take out some length. Howard said he has to get off the call. Howard asked if it still works well. Maurice said it works fine. He said he's about 7 or so flaccid now. Howard said what a shame. Maurice said it doesn't grow as much now from flaccid to hard as it used to. He said Benjy is somewhat right.
Howard took a call from Orlando Bloom's penis and it was kind of feminine. Howard said they should take a break and come up with a different voice. Howard said it sounds like a transgender. Howard asked why that is. He said it should be a manly voice. Howard said Orlando should wheel around his penis in a wheel barrow next vacation. Howard said Katy's pussy must be ruined now. Howard said that voice would have been good for her pussy. Howard took a call from Orlando's penis again and it was a more manly voice this time. Howard spent a few seconds talking to Orlando's Penis before hanging up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who wished Robin a happy birthday and said he has a large penis too. He said it can be painful. He said that what Benjy was talking about earlier was rigor mortis. He said his penis must be dead. He said he's about 9 and a half inches when he gets hard. Howard said he wants to believe Benjy but that's not the way it works.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that penis reduction surgery isn't real. Howard said he didn't think it was. Howard tried talking to the guy but he wasn't there. Benjy told Howard that there was a 17 year old who had a penis reduction surgery but it was the first ever and it was because he was too big to have sex. Robin said it was so big it interrupted his ability to play sports.
Robin said she went to Vegas for a long weekend with friends. Robin said her friend's daughter had a bachelorette party and they were just tagging along. Robin said they weren't at the party. Robin said they went to shows and stuff. Robin said she saw Brad Garrett out there at his comedy club. Robin said Brad is really, really funny. Howard said Robin went out there and saw the Brad Garrett show. Robin said she loved Brad and he looked at her in the audience and had no idea who she was. She said that he referred to her as Whoopi at one time. Robin said he thought she was just an audience member. She also went to see the Beetles show. Robin said that is 10 years old now. Robin said she stayed at the Four Seasons hotel out there. Robin said she had fun and went to see the Avengers exhibit too.
Howard played a song parody about Robin's traveling around the world. Howard said now they can get to Robin's birthday celebration. He had Spoken Word Robin on the phone. The guys played some clips of Robin doing spoken word with a bongo playing. They had her answering questions that Howard was asking about Orlando Bloom's cock and things like that.
Howard said he's going to take Robin back to March 1, 1981 which was her first day on the air with him. Howard said he has a clip from that day. Howard played the clip where Robin read her first news story. Howard said she was so professional. Howard laughed. Robin laughed too. Howard said they both had a lot to learn.
Howard said Robin has given a lot of great moments on the show. Howard said he has a top 5 list of those moments. Howard said he has one where Robin described her anal sex encounter in San Francisco. Howard played the clip and Robin was talking about how that happened and Fred was playing farts and Jackie was laughing. Howard asked what was more painful, the anal or sitting across from Jackie while she told the story. Robin said it was sitting across from Jackie.
Howard played another clip for the top 5 Robin moments. This one was when Robin asked to be called Robin Ophelia Quivers. She told Howard that she wanted to go by three names and that's what she wants.
Howard said another great moment was when Robin told the story about shitting herself while running. Howard played that clip from 2003. Robin talked about how she shit herself and asked a guy with a hose if she could borrow it. She had to hose herself off.
Howard said a lot of those moments have to do with ass and ass play. Howard said another great moment that Robin gave them was when Robin ordered several bottles of $800 wine. Howard said there was an article about people who they call wine terrorists. Gary said that Robin did order more than one bottle. Robin said she ordered one. She said that the waiter asked if they wanted more and she sent him to Howard. Howard said he didn't know what it cost though. Robin said she tried to warn him. Howard said there was an article about people who do that and it's a very aggressive move. Howard said Robin did it to him. Robin said she did it just once. Howard asked what they said in that article. Gary said they're pulling it right now. Gary said it's called Wine Hijacking. Howard said that's it. Robin said Howard told her to do it. Howard said there's a whole thing going on with that and most people order a $60 bottle of wine but sometimes they order a $700 bottle. Howard said they try to get as much out of the dinner as they can. Howard played the clip from the show where Howard and Robin discussed the $800 wine.
Gary came in and said that there's a paragraph in the article he wants to read. He read the part where it says greedy co-workers may order the expensive wine. Howard said that's what Robin did to him. Robin said how dare you. She said that's not what she is in any way. Howard said the article makes her look bad.
Howard said in 2009 Paul McCartney came on the show and Robin threw herself at Paul. Howard played the clip and Robin said she's throwing herself into the ring for him since he's single. Paul said he didn't know this was going to be the dating game. He said he was very flattered.
Howard said he admired Robin that day. Howard said all he did was ask for an autograph. Howard said Paul can afford a $800 bottle of wine. Howard said Robin knows how to give and receive love. Howard said he can picture Paul behind Robin on the surf board.
Howard said very few people remember that Robin was the one who named his book ''Private Parts.'' Howard played a clip where they were talking about what to name the book. Howard was thinking ''Howard Stern's Penis'' but Robin was the one who threw out Private Parts. That's what they ended up going with.
Howard said Robin also came up with JD for Jamie. Howard played another clip where Robin came up with the nickname.
Howard said you can't celebrate Robin without her singing. Howard played a clip from 2003 when Robin was singing Karaoke.
Howard said Lenny Dykstra made a birthday message for Robin. Howard played that and Lenny said he wants to go down on her and it would be free. He said he wants to eat her black pussy and send her to the moon with a one way ticket. He said that's what he does. Robin said that's one birthday present she's not going to accept. Howard said you can't unhear that either. Howard said Lenny and Ronnie should hang out.
Howard had a clip of Underdog Lady singing Happy Birthday to Robin. Howard said that was very nice. Robin said she's very happy that she did that for her.
Howard said they asked Ham Hands Bill to sing like Marilyn Monroe for Robin. Howard played that clip and Bill sang happy birthday to Robin like Marilyn Monroe. Howard said that started out kind of sweet but then it just gets bad.
Howard said they're dedicating an entire week of Sternthology to Robin which starts on August 29th. Howard said they'll be playing things that show their love for Robin.
Howard said Penn Jillette sent her a birthday message. He played that for her and then a voicemail he left for Gary many years ago where he asked him to have Robin call him. Howard said he thought he'd be a great guy for Robin. Robin said he is a great guy. Robin said Penn hates all spiritual things and they were not compatible. Robin said he hated TM and all of that.
Howard said they asked Hillary Clinton to come in for Robin. Howard had some fake Hillary clips that they played for Robin's birthday. Howard said that Hillary is getting naked right now. Howard had JD help put her on her head. They had Hillary insulting JD and standing on her head for Robin's birthday. Fake Hillary had some beer poured down her asshole. JD was in the studio pretending to do that. Howard thanked him for helping out. He said that's all he's got for Robin's birthday.
Robin said she meant to bring in the gift he gave her. She said she will open it this afternoon. Howard said she's going to like this one. He said he spent a pretty penny on it. Howard said he has a lot of money invested in her. He said he would have been really upset if she died because he's got so much invested in her. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Robin said if you yell out in support of the player or yell Baba Booey it's still making noise. Howard said this is getting more notice for the boring golf games. Howard played another clip where a guy let out a long Baba Booey. Howard said this makes golf more exciting. He said that's what he's tuning in for. Howard played another one where the guy got in a really good Baba Booey. Howard said the guy who won the tournament, Jimmy Walker, said he doesn't care about the Baba Booeys. Howard said that's a real golfer. Howard said that guy doesn't care what you do.
Howard played another clip where someone yelled out Baba Booey after a swing.
Howard said there was a skydiver named Luke Aikins who jumped out of plane without a parachute and after that he got out a Baba Booey. Howard played that clip too.
Howard played a Baba Booey song parody and said that ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' is taking off. Howard said he's not sure he wants that to take over the Baba Booey thing at the golf tournaments. Howard played a clip where someone got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' He had a few more where people got in the ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' thing. Howard said Gary is angered by that because he had it all to himself. Howard said ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' got on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen too. Howard played that clip next where a caller threw it in after asking a question. Howard played another clip where a WWE internet radio show took a call and someone threw in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein!''
Howard said Padres announcer Mark Grant got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' during a game. Howard played that clip and then a song parody about ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Howard said there are a bunch of songs coming in about that. He said he can't even keep up with it. Howard played a few more parodies.
The caller asked if Howard got religious when Robin was sick. Howard said he did say a few prayers. Howard said he got very upset and cried. Howard said he cried to Robin's friend on the phone. Howard said he hopes she didn't tape that. Howard said he turned into a mess. Howard said Dr. Agus and her other doctors had a consultation and they went for a cure. He said that he thought they were crazy. Howard said his therapist told him to prepare himself. Howard said he said no and he believed there would be a cure. Howard said she was cured and that's all he knows. Howard said maybe it was the power of prayer. Howard said he prayed to St. Anthony and did find his iPhone.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he was in school for a couple of weeks. Howard said people were happy he wasn't on the air. Bobo said he liked the NY Times article and liked what Amy Schumer said about him being truth serum.
Bobo said he went to school and got a 98. He said he took a picture of it and sent it to Gary. Robin asked what he was tested for. Bobo said it was the Florida traffic laws. Howard said he took a driving test basically. Howard said now he's shocked that he got a 98 on the test. Howard said he's congratulating himself. Howard said that's like if he took a test on radio.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Sharknado 4 and he thought Benjy did a great job acting. Howard said he doesn't think anyone actually watches those movies. Howard had a clip of Benjy in the movie. Howard played that and Benjy is playing a reporter on a TV show and his name was ''Howard Biel'' and Howard thought he was named after him. Benjy didn't think so. Howard asked how Stacy Dash looked. Benjy said he doesn't like to rate people on their looks. Howard let it go. Howard played another clip where Benjy is reporting on the shark storm and may or may not have been attacked by a shark. Howard asked if everyone yells during this whole movie. Howard said it's over acting in every scene.
Howard said that was a very strong performance from Benjy. Benjy said a lot of people are saying that but he's not sure if they're playing or not. Howard said they're playing. He said there's not much room for acting there. Howard said they didn't give him a lot to do. The caller said Benjy was the only one not yelling. Howard said he was yelling.
Howard said the other day on the air he was doing cartoon voices. He said he was talking about how he wants more work doing voices. Howard said he created a voice of JD's ear wax and did a Cheeto stuck in his belly button too. Howard said the guys cut those up and called a dating advice show. Howard played the phony phone call the guys made with those clips. They had the clips of Howard talking to the hosts of the show as he did his voices. The hosts let him do his thing for a short time before hanging up on him. Howard went to break after the phony phone call.
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Howard came back and said this is a great song. He said Seth Rogen is there. He said he's got a new movie out that's an R-rated animation. Howard asked if he's thin again. Seth said he feels like shit if he doesn't eat well and exercise. He said his neck and back were fucked up and he feels old now. Howard said he's only 34. Seth said his dad told him he fell apart at 35. He didn't believe it. Howard said he runs and he gets fucked up from that. Seth asked if he stretches. Howard said he doesn't. He said he doesn't think it's necessary. He said it's kind of effeminate. Howard said he exercises and eats well all the time but he still feels like shit.
Howard asked Seth about the Twitter account where they post pictures of him with his shirt off. Howard said Seth got fed up and asked what the fuck was up. Seth said he's not sure if he should be complimented on it or not. He said he started following the account and now they sent him messages of himself. He said that seems more invasive. Howard asked where they get the pictures. Seth said it's all the same photo from the Kanye West video he did with Franco. He said they sent it every day. He said it's the same picture every day. He said now they direct message it to him because he follows them.
Howard asked if he wants to meet this person. Seth said if he's murdered this is probably the person who does it. Howard asked how many followers they have. Seth said he thinks it's a few thousand. Howard said someone figure out to post the same picture every day and people will follow. Howard asked if he thinks it's a fan. Seth said it's a lot of energy to put into someone you don't like. He said they must like him in some way. Howard asked how great it would be it if it's Jonah Hill or someone. Seth said if it was anyone it would be Franco.
Howard asked Seth if he saw the Orlando Jones photo where he shows his penis. Seth said he found it. Howard said he spent an hour looking for it last night and wasn't able to find it uncensored. Howard asked if he thought it was big. Seth said he thinks that it's hard to tell how big it is not knowing the proportions of his body. He said it's very well proportioned so he thinks it's a big dick. He said that you don't go out on a paddle board naked without a big dick.
Howard said Seth has a lot of projects going on. He said in a way is it a master plan to get noticed to get more work. Seth said maybe that's what it is. He said he would be lying to say he's not more inclined to put him in something. He said he's a super nice guy too. Howard said he met him and he was in love with the guy. He said now he's more in love with him.
Howard asked Seth if he thinks that Orlando would get more notice because of something like that. Seth said he does. He said if he was in ''Sausage Party'' it would be great promotion for the movie.
Howard said when he heard about this movie and he's very proud of him for making an R-rated movie. Howard said he heard there's an incredible sex scene in it. Howard said it's about what deli meats would do in a house. Howard said there was a sex orgy that lasted like 8 minutes. Seth said it was an all out free for all. Howard said when they went to the MPAA they had a debate about if it should be an X-rated film or not. Howard said it's deli meats so they figured it can't be X-rated. Seth said he wishes he could have been there for that debate. He said there is a very sexually charged scene in the film. Howard asked if there are genitals in the movie. Seth said there's a Pita bread with testicles. He said they got an NC-17 rating at one point. He said they thought they might have to butcher it but they changed things so very little. He said you see the ball sack and they asked them to remove the hair from the ball sack. He said they digitally shaved it and removed the hair from it. He said they made it way dirtier than they hoped to.
Robin asked if they were surprised to keep what they kept. Seth wished Robin a happy birthday and Howard interrupted asking more about the process of submitting movies to the MPAA and how long that takes. Seth said it doesn't take that long actually. He said that the rules for advertising the movie are more restrictive when you have an NC-17 rating. He said that it's like the kiss of death. He said there is a stigma to it. Howard said he would imagine so.
Seth said a lot of movies have had NC-17 ratings and they change it. He said Superbad was one. He said they had a scene with a little kid who draws dicks and that's a touchy area.
Howard asked what food is the sexiest food in the movie. Seth said that it's the Selma Hayak taco. He said she's a lesbian taco. Howard asked if deli meats fuck outside their species. Seth said yes. He said it's all about acceptance. He said even a tube of toothpaste wants to fuck a taco. He said it's all based on human personalities. He said the villain is a douche, a literal douche. Howard asked who plays the douche. Seth said Nick Kroll plays the douche and he plays a douche very well.
Howard asked if they audition for the parts in this movie. Seth said not for this movie. He said that Nick might think he thinks he's a douche. He said he thinks that they're the third credit for him playing a douche.
Howard asked if he worked with Kristin Wiig in the studio. Seth said he was there for almost everyone's but only because he's a producer and writer. He said when you record more than one person at once it gets complicated. Howard said it must be fun to do that though. Seth said they will do that and they'll write stuff down. He said they'll improv and write it down.
Howard said he used to watch his dad directing people in the studio. Seth said they do that with the Simpsons. He said they record the whole thing in like 45 minutes. He said he and Evan wrote a Simpsons episode and went to that recording.
Howard asked if there is gay sex in the movie. Seth said there is. He said he doesn't want to ruin it. He said it's a plot thing.
Howard asked if it's true he was out to dinner with Jonah Hill and they came up with the movie after smoking weed. Seth said they were out at dinner when they came up with it. He said they had two parallel conversations going on. He said he and Evan were talking about doing an R-rated animated movie. Howard said he thinks that he's a mogul. He said Seth has so much going on. Howard said he has a list of projects. Howard said he had Neighbors 2 and he has ''Preacher'' on AMC. Howard said he and James Franco made a movie called Zeroville. They made a movie about the making of the movie The Room. Howard said he's producing a TV show for FOX. Seth said they actually rejected that. Howard read more about what he's working on and a few of the projects were canceled. Howard said he likes something he was reading about with Bill Hader but that's on hold.
Howard asked about a Where's Waldo movie he was thinking about doing. Seth said Evan woke up one morning and said he dreamt about it and the next day they were pitching it. He said he thinks the Where's Waldo people didn't want Waldo to be a big part of the movie. He said they wanted to have Waldo be the star of the movie and the Where's Waldo people didn't want Waldo to be a big part of it.
Howard asked about doing Operation the movie. Seth said that Life could be a movie too. Howard said he's over thinking these movies.
Howard asked about the ''Sausage Party'' thing. Seth said they were out promoting something and they'd be asked what hey were working on and they were saying ''Sausage Party'' as a joke and it turned into a real thing. Howard said he said he wanted to do Fartman the movie on The Tonight Show and the next thing he knew they had someone writing the movie for him. Seth said sometimes the things you joke about end up being movies. He said they were doing this for 3 or 4 years and then they were finally able to write it as a movie.
Howard said he thinks this could be a stoner classic. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet but he thinks he will like it. He said he's been told he will like it. Howard asked if they're tracking it and if it's being tracked well. Seth said they released a trailer and it was their most viewed trailer they've ever released on the internet. He said they had 30 million views in a week or something like that. Seth said they came up with the idea and no one wanted to make it. Every studio rejected it. Howard said he wouldn't think it would be that hard with all of the hits they've had. Seth said that's what they thought too. He said they think that with all of their movies.
Howard asked if he lost confidence in it after they were rejected. Seth said it wasn't that it wasn't a good idea. He said they were saying it could be amazing but here was no precedent for it. Howard said Fritz the Cat made a lot of money. Howard said he doesn't feel bad for the movie people. He said they put up a lot of money and they want to hedge their bet. Seth said it took year. Then this woman Megan Ellison, who made some really great movies, took this one that no one else wanted to make and she financed a large part of it. He said that's why it got made ultimately.
Howard asked if Seth will put up his own money for a movie. Seth said he will put up money for buying a song or something like that. He said that sometimes the studio won't pay for something and he will.
Howard asked if everyone was paying attention once Megan got involved. Seth said they did. Howard said the animation costs a fortune to make. Seth said it can. He said their budget was under 30 million. He said that was pretty good for that. Howard said Disney has like $100 million budgets. Seth said they were treating it like a live action movie and not changing a lot of things. Howard asked how old Megan is. Seth said she's like 29 or 30. Howard asked how she has so much clout, is she rich or something? Seth said she is. He said her father is Larry Ellison. He owns Oracle. Seth said she's making movies that wouldn't get made otherwise. He said she's a real patron of the arts.
Howard asked what Oracle is anyway. Seth said he has no idea. Robin asked if Seth thinks he's an artist now. Seth said he didn't until he made this film ''Sausage Party.'' Howard said that's something pretty cool that Megan is doing. Seth said they were rejected by so many people that they had to have someone new come in. He said without her it wouldn't have happened. He said Amy Pascal was the head of the studio at the time and she agreed to do it.
Howard asked if he thinks it's Megan who is putting up the pictures on Twitter. Seth said that would be great. Howard asked if he should be completely wrecked when he sees the movie. Seth said he doesn't think it would hurt. Howard said there are some movies where you have to be wrecked. Seth said it is pretty out there. He said the food lives in the store and they think when they're purchased something good happens. He said they think they're going to heaven but then they discover what really happens. Howard asked if he'll see it and feel bad for the meat in his refrigerator. Seth said he doesn't think so.
Howard asked if there is merchandising. Seth said there are dolls and stuff. Howard said JD saw it and he almost saw it but they took it off his Pix box. Seth said he'll get something for Howard to see.
Howard asked if he said he doesn't like the impression that the guy does on their show. Seth said he didn't say that. Howard played a clip of their impersonator doing his impression in a song. Howard said he thinks it's good. Seth said it is good. He said he thinks he has the laugh down pretty good.
Howard said Seth was on Fallon last night. Seth said it's tough to promote because it's so hard to find a clip they can air. He said it's been a fucking nightmare. He said they have to show the same 15 seconds on a bunch of shows.
Howard said he heard that Seth told a story about doing comedy at the age of 14 and he was auditioning for something big called the Just for Laughs festival. Seth said that he was there last week and to get on a showcase you have to audition. He said when he was 14 he went to audition in Los Angeles. Howard said the story went that he was about to audition but then Jerry Seinfeld shows up at the club. Seth said this was the peak of his show and Seinfeld was still on the air. Howard said Seth was just about to audition and Jerry comes in and steals his spot. Seth said as the comic was about to finish up they said Seinfeld was about to show up. Seth said he got there right before him and annihilates. He said at that time he was preparing for a special where he was stopping his old material and working on new material and honing it to the sharpest edge it could have. He said it's like following a Led Zeppelin greatest hits concert. He said Seinfeld leaves and he goes up to audition. He said he watched half of it and went out to the restaurant area. He said he wasn't able to watch it. He said it was a disaster.
Howard said anyone who comes on after that has to have a hard time. Seth said that he was 14 and you have to assume that a 14 year old isn't going to be funny. He said he was trying to build the rust of the audience up and it was like a double strike against him. He said he still has the visceral sense when he was up on that stage eating shit. He said it was his first time in America at the time. He said that in Vancouver everyone takes the bus but in Los Angeles that's a weird thing to do. He said he was doing bus material and no one got it. He said he was following Seinfeld and everyone there had never been on a bus before. He said he remembers the sound of the electronic hum from the speakers. He said he remembers never hearing that before. He said he started at 13 and he performed regularly. He said he had done dozens of shows by then. Howard said comics only remember the shitty ones like that. Seth said he likes to know what the reviews are for the movies he does and the only things he'll remember are the negative things they say.
Howard asked Seth about the reviews because they can be all over the place. Seth said you never know how it's going to turn out. Howard said he heard that Seinfeld has a Deli Foods Fucking movie coming out the day before his movie. Seth said they have a kid's movie coming out that weekend. He said Suicide Squad is in its second weekend so that could drop off. Howard said he has a good feeling about how this is going to do. Howard said that's nice. He said no controversy with this one either. He said he loves that story about the movie about North Korea. Howard said they sent a body guard for Seth and as soon as it came out he was gone. Seth said they didn't even get an email saying he was gone.
Howard asked if there's a time during his day he thinks about Kim Jong Un. Seth said not at all. He said what he thinks about is all of these hacks that are happening. He said he thinks in 5 years people will look back and think about how ''The Interview'' was the beginning of the internet wars. Howard said they sued hacking like a nuclear bomb. Howard said people lost their jobs. Seth said they affected American culture with that. He said it affected their day to day living.
Howard said with the DNC hack it could affect the election. Seth said there are still people being affected by the Sony hack today.
Robin asked if they are going to stay away from politics now. Seth said he thinks the fans will see that they're not backing off at all. Howard asked if he heard Katherine Heigl on the show talking about how she upset him and thought he blew her off at the restaurant. Seth said he doesn't remember it the way she said it happened. He said he thought she hated them. Seth said the movie did fine and then they heard she didn't like it and it seemed like she didn't have a good experience making it. He said when that happens he just gets hurt by that. He said he thought that she must hate him. He said when he saw her and she was acting fine he may have had a reaction of surprise that she didn't hate him. Howard said she thought he hated her. Howard said an actor is shooting themselves in the foot when you go out bad mouthing the movie. Seth said the movie did great and it was one of the best performing he's done. Howard said he would probably now say that working with her wasn't so great and he may not consider her again.
Seth said that he and Evan were in New Mexico and Knocked Up came on and they were watching it for like an hour. He said it held up really well and he thought it was funny. He said he and Katherine were really funny together. He said at the time he thought he would make a dozen movies with her. Then he heard she didn't like it. He said she didn't like the process and the end product. He said they have a very open process when they're making a movie so she could have said something at the time. He said that they weren't all on the same page apparently.
Seth asked what it was she said she didn't like about the movie. Howard didn't remember what it was. Seth said he doesn't want her career to be hurt by it. He said he really likes her. He said if she's being honest that's great. He said the only people who should take anything from it is him and Judd. Howard said he told her to call him. Seth said he would take that call. He said he saw Judd after that and they talked about it. He said they thought it was wonderful that she was apologizing but she didn't call either of them. Seth said he doesn't take the public forum to do that. He would actually call someone. Howard said that's what he does too. Seth said he constantly has to apologize to people.
Seth said there's nothing worse than promoting something you're not proud of. Seth said if you know it could be better then you have a fear of promoting it. Howard asked if he has ever had to promote something that he wasn't proud of. Seth said he has. He said he tries to do that less. Howard asked what he wasn't proud of promoting. Seth said he doesn't like talking shit about his own movies. He said he doesn't want to say that if someone likes a movie that he doesn't like. Howard asked if there was a movie he hated that made a lot of money. Seth said that hasn't happened. He said ''The Guilt Trip'' he had a wonderful time making but he had a feeling it wasn't turning out the way he had hoped. He said it didn't quite come together in the end. He said he loved working with Barbara Streissand. He said that she was having the same feeling about the movie not coming together either. Howard asked why it goes wrong. Seth said it could be anything. He said there are so many things that could go wrong. He said he's more surprised when any movie is good. He said so much goes into it and 100 million things have to come together to make a movie good. Seth said when big movies are good it's even more shocking. Seth said he just saw the Avengers movie and he was shocked that it came out so good. He said Suicide Squad is the way it usually happens.
Howard said that the animation could be fucked up in this movie and that would ruin a movie. Seth said that's what they worried about. He said they could lose something in the animation. Seth said Nitrogen Studios did a great job with the emotive characters. He said if anything they made the actors better. He said the hot dog he plays is even more emotive than he is.
Howard asked what weed he would smoke to watch this movie. Seth said a god sativa would be good. He gave some other suggestions. Howard said he should make a weed movie. Seth said he did and it was the biggest weed movie of all time. Seth said that he thinks ''Sausage Party'' is really original. He said he defies people to point out another movie that's like this one. Howard said he has never seen a tube of toothpaste fuck a taco in a movie.
Howard said he wants to hear JD's review of this movie. Howard told JD to get in there. He said he asked for him to come in earlier. JD said they were still talking. Howard asked JD how he was able to see it. JD said he went to a screening that was in public. He said the movie was very funny and he wasn't high. He said he was a little drunk on wine though. He said he had a good time at the movie. Howard summed it up by mumbling like JD. JD said his favorite part was the orgy. He said it was probably one of the best moments in film that he's seen. Howard said that's a really high compliment. Seth said he thinks it's the funniest scene of all time. Howard asked if it turns people on. Seth said he did have a woman say that she was turned on. JD said they had some oral sex going on that was done very well. Howard asked if he can jack off to this movie. Seth said you probably can.
Howard said Robin used to use vegetables to masturbate. Howard asked if it could end up on Porn Tube. Seth said it could. Howard said the guys are saying that JD was hooting and hollering during the movie.
Robin asked if there were things that made it into the movie that they thought the MPAA wouldn't let through. Seth said there were about 8 things they got into the orgy that they thought they'd have to take out. He said it's shocking that they made it through.
Howard asked Seth if he is getting political this year. Seth said he read that there is no way to change a person's mind so he's not going to waste his time. He said that he's quieting down. He said he was either encouraging people who agreed with him or antagonizing people who don't and he doesn't need to spend time doing either of those things.
Howard asked about the Bud Light commercials they're doing. Seth said that they came to him asking if he wanted to do that and he got together with some people and talked. He said he liked the reasons they were doing them about equality and gay marriage and things like that. Howard said it's good promotion too. Howard said it used to be looked down on but not anymore. Seth said he's not looking to do another campaign right now though. Seth said it's funny that you can't ingest the beer on the commercial. He said the commercials really aren't even that much about Bud Light. Howard said he must get a big flat fee to do that. Seth said he's not even sure what he made. He said he's always been like that. Seth said he was told by his accountant when he was a younger man that he didn't have to worry that much about money as long as he didn't go on a crazy spending spree. He said he has a small nut as they like to say. Howard said he has two small nuts.
Howard thanked Seth for coming in and started to wrap up. Robin asked if Seth has run into Michael Strahan since that time he called into the show from his dressing room. Seth said Michael was so mad that day. He said he hasn't seen him since. Seth said he enjoys talking about this movie so he's happy to be out talking about it. Howard said Michael left that show after that incident too.
Howard wondered what cheese would sound like in the movie. Seth said they had cheese in it but they had a hard time finding a voice for it that they cut it out. Howard did some voices for Seth and said he could do a voice. All of Howard's voices sounded the same. Howard said he always wanted to play cheese. Howard wrapped up and give Seth some plugs for the movie and then went to break.
Howard came back and did a live commercial read. After the commercial Howard said it's Robin's birthday today so the news will be extra special. Robin said ''Will it?'' Howard said it will. He said he has a bunch of new songs about Robin. He played one from Little Mikey about Robin's tight hole. Howard said that was pretty amazing so he's not sure if he has one that can match. Howard said he has thousands of songs. He played another one from a guy named Egg Man. That one was about Robin getting anal in San Francisco. Howard said that one is NC-17. He said he really likes Seth Rogen.
Howard said they gave Robin a shout out on the CW news this morning. Howard played that clip. Howard said the CW 11 people are really into her. Howard asked if she has any special plans. Robin said she's going to dinner with some friends.
Howard said it's time for some news. He said he was looking for a song all weekend after hearing it on ''Stranger Things.'' Howard said it was a cover of David Bowie's ''Heroes'' by Peter Gabriel. He said he didn't know anything about it. He said it took him a while to find it but it's not for sale anywhere. Howard played that for Robin. Howard said he loves this. Howard got a note saying it was on his 2010 album. Howard said he wasn't able to find it. Howard said he wasn't able to find Orlando Bloom's uncensored cock either. Howard said this is all depressing so you know he's going to like it. Howard said Robin is laughing at him. Robin said it's fine if it's over the credits of a TV show but this is ridiculous. Howard said he loves depressing songs.
Howard congratulated Richard Christy on his Charred Walls of the Dammed album (Creatures Watching over the Dead). Howard said he was checking out a link and he liked the song ''The Soulless.'' Howard said it was pretty good. Howard said the fucker can drum for sure. Howard played some of the song for Robin. Howard said the song is about people walking around like zombies on their cell phones. Howard said he can relate to that. He said he had to ask Beth not to do that on her phone.
Howard said he doesn't feel any sense of loyalty to promote the album but he liked the song. Robin said she asked if Howard had seen Gary on the new golf cart. Howard said he won't watch it because it'll just make him angry. Robin said he said he likes the cart better than golfing. Howard said he was working the whole time he was on vacation and Gary was out on a golf cart. Howard said if he were Gary he wouldn't post that shit. Howard said it's like the President going on vacation and playing golf. Howard said you don't want your boss knowing you're hanging around on a golf cart. Robin said it was pretty funny. Robin said he was zipping around in a circle while someone else was trying to golf.
Howard said he was on the phone the entire week about work. He said one thing was more aggravating than the next but Gary had a good time.
Howard said on the next vacation he's making a rule that he's not going to work. He said he'll get deluged with shit when he comes back though. He said he got an invite from upper management to go to a special Coldplay event out on Long Island. Howard said it was on a Sunday night. Howard said they say it's over at 7:30 at night so they have no idea what he odes there. Howard asked why they have a Coldplay concert out there. He said he didn't get to go which annoyed him even more. Howard said you'd want your biggest star there so do it on a Sunday that he's off. Howard said it's convenient for other people which he's cool with. Howard wondered if Gary was there. He said if he was that's really going to set him off. Howard said maybe he rode his golf cart there. Howard said welcome to his nightmare.
Howard asked how old Gary is and if he's ready to retire yet. Howard said Robin gets to see all of Gary's Facebook posts.
Howard said the band O.A.R. did a concert for Howard 101 recently. Howard said they covered ''The Downeaster Alexa'' so he played some of that. Howard said it gave him the chills so he knew it was good. Howard said the band are fans of the show but they're against Bobo. Howard said they did an anti-Bobo song. Howard played the song where they sang about what a tool Bobo is. Howard said the special concert is available On Demand the SiriusXM app. Howard said that was the most beautiful Anti-Bobo song ever. Howard said they put a lot of work into that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Olympics in Rio and what's going on down there. Robin read about some of the gold medalists for the USA. Robin read about Michael Phelps and Katie Ledecky who won gold for the USA. Robin had some other news about what's coming up at the Olympics.
Robin read a story about a guy who ended up waiting in an airport for a woman he met on the internet. Robin said he knew her online for 2 months and showed up at the airport and the woman never showed up. Robin said he had to be hospitalized for fatigue and malnutrition after waiting so long for the woman.
Robin read a story about Delta flights being back up and flying. Robin said Delta had a power outage in Atlanta and they had to ground all of their planes. Robin said everyone who was supposed to fly was affected. Robin said there will still be large scale delays and cancellations because of that.
Robin read a story about a bill in New Jersey that would make drinking coffee while driving punishable with a fine of up to $400. Howard said good. He said people are so busy doing things in their cars while driving. Howard said pull over and drink. He said that it's time to stop. Robin said it's too much of a Nanny state. Howard said it's good. Robin said it would make it illegal to eat or drink or even comb your hair. Howard said you do that at home. Howard said a car is a death machine. He said one move and you're plowing into someone on the road. Robin asked if you can drink water. Howard said fuck water too. He said pull over to drink. Robin said they currently have laws banning texting and talking on the phone. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when he's jerking off does he see a reflection of himself in the screen. Howard said sometimes he does it in front of a mirror and it's a horrible thing. He said his reflection is horrible. The caller said he has to turn the lights off so he doesn't get a reflection. Howard said to see your own sex is horrible. He said he was in Central Park and saw a turtle climbing on another one and he realized it's just like him climbing on Beth.
Robin read a story about a guy who was using a web site to trade casual sex for meth. Robin said he was caught when an under cover cop set up a meeting. Howard asked how you think you're going to get away with something like that.
Robin read a story about a college student who was killed at a park over the weekend while he was playing Pokemon Go. Robin said he was shot to death. Robin said he was shot in the back and the man who shot him ran away. Howard said you have to beware when you're out doing that stuff. He said don't drink coffee when you drive.
Robin said there are new laws on smoking and drinking coming out. Robin said the FDA is going to have authority over E-cigarettes, water pipes and more. Robin said the rules have been in the making for a long time. Robin had some audio of someone from the FDA talking about that.
Howard said he was walking down the street with his wife and a fan yelled out ''Whoop, whoop'' and he didn't know what to do so he just did the same thing back to him. He said he had to explain it to Beth. He said he told her to just forget it. He said he should become a Juggalo and drop out of society.
Robin read a story about Alex Rodriguez announcing that he's leaving the Yankees. Robin said a lot of people think he was forced out. Robin had some audio of A-Rod talking about leaving.
Robin wondered if they should announce they're leaving. Howard said he thinks they should just leave and not announce it. He said they do that with vacations. Howard said he just wants to disappear and not actually retire. Howard said they can keep people guessing and maybe show back up if they get bored during retirement. Howard said they've gotten old and no one seems to care. He said they should have retired. Howard said they could do a last show where Jason just eats everyone.
Robin read a story about a 10 year old kid who died at a water park in Kansas City. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the death. Robin said the kid died on a 170 foot water slide. Robin said it can go up to 70 miles per hour. Howard said his parents put him on a raft in a little pool they had to blow up. He said there was no way he was going to die. Robin said rides are getting very dangerous. She said she won't even go on the rides now.
Robin read a story about a race car driver that died in Kansas. Robin said his name was Bryan Clauson. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the crash. Howard said he doesn't get that sport. Robin said she doesn't either.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump and some of the strange things that have been going on with his campaign. Robin said it's been all over the news. Robin said people are wondering if he can turn it around. Robin said they were saying that they might try to oust him from the race. Robin said it was very strange talk.
Robin read a story about an Iranian scientist who was put to death the other day. Robin said the family got him back and there were rope marks around his neck. Robin said they think he leaked information to the United States. Robin said someone said that Hillary Clinton revealed this man in her emails that were on her personal server.
Robin read a story about Caitlyn Jenner's explanation for her car accident which killed someone a few years ago. Robin said she's claiming she was trying to get away from the Paparazzi when the accident happened. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
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Howard started the show talking about how he's thinking they have to be there for another 4 hours. He asked why everyone there at Sirius does an hour or two and they do 4. Robin asked if that's what's going on there. Howard said it is. Robin asked why they didn't get that memo.
Howard asked how Robin's dinner out with the girls was last night. Robin said it was just her and her friend Susan. Howard asked how she's doing. Robin said she's doing good. Howard said he thought it was going to be a group of women. Robin said it was just Susan. Robin said she had a group at her house the weekend before. Howard asked if Susan called him a pussy. Howard said she told him when she got out of surgery that she was dying and he got upset and cried. Howard said she caught him by surprise. Robin said they were telling her that stuff.
Howard had a clip of Eric Andre telling them who is on the show today. Eric is the guest so he announced himself. Howard said he's coming by and got caught up in the whole Delta thing where they had to close the airline down for a day. Howard said he managed to get in. He said Eric is doing something today that he won't tell anyone about yet. Howard said he should tell Robin what he's doing today. He said Eric is a genius and he's coming in to promote. Howard said he had an idea for something if they were up for it. Howard said he can't wait for him to get in there. He said he has to come in and get out quickly. Howard said Eric is coming in and he's doing a Prostate Karaoke thing. Howard said they used to have Dr. Harry Fisch on the show and Eric is going to go to his office and Dr. Fisch will give him a prostate exam. He's going to do that and attempt to sing Karaoke. Howard said it's fucking awesome. He's going to sing the song Kissed by a Rose. He said he can't wait.
Howard said Dr. Fisch has some kind of probe he uses instead of his finger so he'll be playing his ass like a trombone. Howard said they're going to have it live from the office. Howard said they're going to video it too. Howard said it's going to be great.
Howard said Eric wants Richard to go with him. Howard asked Richard if he's going to do it. He said he's going to get a free prostate exam. He said Ronnie won't do it. Richard came in and said he's a huge fan of Eric's so he's going to go. He said he is going to sing ''Unchained Melody.'' He said he's going to do it as long as he can get the results of the exam afterward. Howard played ''Unchained Melody'' for Richard to sing along to.
Ronnie came in saying he has had a prostate exam. Howard told him to calm down and stop yelling. He said he's got a whole persona he puts on. Howard said just be Ronnie. Ronnie said he gets prostate exams. He said it's the colonoscopy thing he doesn't go for. He said he's not going to do this thing today. He said he just had a finger up his ass so he doesn't need another one. Howard said suddenly he's a professional.
Ronnie said he just had a thing where they took 12 pieces out of his prostate. He said they did a biopsy. Howard asked why he didn't have a colonoscopy. Ronnie said he has fluctuating levels. Howard asked of what. Ronnie said the PSA levels fluctuate. He said that's why they did the test. Ronnie said they did it while he was awake. He said they did it like a tic-tac-toe game. He said they had 12 cups out and they take pieces out and put them in the cups. Robin asked if they go in and out. Ronnie said they do. He said it's not fun. He said the first piss you take squirts out blood. He said the first shit you take burns like holy hell. He said you're shitting blood out your ass. He said forget about it. He said that's why he's not going.
Howard said he has Ronnie's prostate on the phone. He took the call and Ronnie's Prostate said Stephanie keeps sticking her finger in him. He said it's a sad state of affairs being his prostate. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard played some audio of Ronnie singing karaoke. Ronnie said that was just him drunk. He told Robin not to laugh because he's heard her sing. Howard played more of Ronnie singing ''Hopey Kopey'' instead of ''Hokey Pokey.''
Howard said he'll have Richard come back in later when Eric is there. Richard said he'd like to have his prostate milked. Howard said they'll ask Dr. Fisch about that later. He said they can sing and get milked and shoot a load on each other's face.
Howard said Ronnie posted a picture this morning of a woman in bondage and chains. Richard said his Twitter is so filthy. Howard said the guys told him about that picture. Richard said that's what's funny about his Twitter. He said that he has a theme for his posts. Ronnie said he doesn't put the pictures up, he just retweets them. He said the guy will put up a picture and he'll retweet it. Howard asked what he's up to. Ronnie said it's like 100 degrees in there. Howard said he's cold now.
Scott the Engineer came in and said he had a prostate biopsy done recently like Ronnie did. He said he thinks Ronnie should get a colonoscopy. Richard asked if he would do the karaoke thing today. Scott said he can't because he just had the biopsy done last week.
Howard said he Howard that Scott's dog attacked him. Scott said it jumped up when he got home and scratched him. Howard said he thought it attacked him because he doesn't like him. Scott said the dog was excited to see him and jumped on him. Howard said that's not so funny. He kicked Scott and Ronnie out of the studio after that.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said this is the most depressing 15 minutes or radio ever. He said between Ronnie and Scott it's like ugh. He said that's what they have to look forward to. Howard said they had to take out 12 hunks of Ronnie's prostate. Howard said he thought they had to give anesthesia for that. Ronnie came back and said they don't put you under. He said they give you a local. He said they numb your prostate.
Ronnie said they're trying to determine if you have cancer. Howard asked why his levels are off. Ronnie said they say that everyone is different. He said the levels can go up and down. He said his doctor tells him not to get laid for 2 or 3 days because that can raise it up. Ronnie said when he went in a couple of months ago he was fine. Howard said good. Ralph asked why he would care. Howard said if he has cancer they could do something about it.
Ronnie told everyone his dick is good. He asked if Ralph has had a colonoscopy. Ralph asked what he's going to find out. Howard said Ralph is cheap. Ralph asked if it's going to tell him if he's going to die. Robin told him to stop it. Ralph said he's not going to do it. Howard said he's talking about dying. Howard said Ralph is at the doctor all the time. He can't hear. Ralph said it's the worst thing ever. Ronnie asked when that happened. Howard said he has fluid in his head.
Ralph said he's in Florida and it's been raining for the last 5 days. He said it's awful there. Howard said Ralph missed this week coming to his house. Ralph said he changed his schedule. Howard said it's the same one they've had all year. Howard said Ralph messed up his calendar. Howard said goodbye to Ralph but then said he heard he cut his hair really short and he has blond hair now. Ralph asked who told him that. He said it is true. He said he needed a change. Howard said Ralph is going around looking like him. Ralph said Howard is the one going around looking like him. Ralph said he styles him not the other way. Howard hung up on him. Howard said Ralph looks like Sharon Stone now.
Howard said he saw the Eric Andre Show season opener and it was great. He said it's really funny. Robin said she thought he didn't like comedies. Howard said it's sitcoms he doesn't like.
Howard said it's so insulting to Bobo and he's into it. Robin said Bobo had to write down that comment about him being right on point about that.
Bobo asked if he can tell them what he got Robin for her birthday. Howard said Robin can say if she wants to. Howard said he always gets her a gift. Howard said he gave her a statue of him that's almost life size. Robin said she's the only one who has one. Howard said when she goes home she can still see him. Robin said he gave her a beautiful bracelet that she's wearing today. Howard said he gives her mostly jewelry. Howard played a song that tells Bobo to go fuck himself.
Howard said people put a lot of energy into those songs. Howard said Matthew Berry hates Bobo too. Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Matt talks about why he hates Bobo so much. Matt says Bobo ruins what he enjoys with the Stern show. Bobo said he uses that show to talk about him all the time. Howard played another song parody about Bobo. that one was from Eli Braden. Howard said Bobo is getting hammered.
Howard said he read that the Dalai Llama hates Bobo too. Howard said he listens to the show and he doesn't like Bobo. Howard asked if he read that. Bobo said he didn't. Howard played another song parody about Bobo. Howard said he likes Bobo. Bobo said he appreciates that. Howard asked if that was a bad question asking about Robin's gift. Robin said it wasn't a good one.
Howard asked what his backup question is. Bobo asked what Howard and Beth bring to friend's houses when they go to visit. Howard laughed and played another song parody about Bobo. Howard said they'll sometimes bring a bottle of wine or flowers. He said sometimes his wife will bring a candle or something. Howard wondered what else is in that book of questions. Bobo said that's it for today. He didn't want to push it. Howard played him off with another song parody. They went to break after that.
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Howard said on Phantom Gourmet they worked in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Howard played the clip and the host threw it in at the end of the show. Howard said he had one from a golf championship game. He played that quickly and someone got in a casual ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Howard said on CBS news they used it. He played that clip next. The female announcer threw it in and explained what it meant. Howard said Jon Hein comes in and doesn't really react to anything when they're playing clips and preparing for the show. Howard said it's kind of a perfect thing saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Howard said he's so not hitting anyone with the Hein. Howard said you ask Jon about it and he doesn't react to it when he's asked about it. Howard said he doesn't really emote. He said you know there's anger boiling in him.
Howard asked Jon how he's feeling about ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Jon came in and said that he's just amazed at how it's catching on. Howard asked if he's annoyed by it. Jon said he's getting used to it. Jon said he thought the one woman explaining it was kind of funny. Howard said it must bother him that Jason has some success with it. Jason came in too and said that it drives Jon nuts. He said he sits there silently in the office. He said a woman asked if he was the Hein from ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' and Jon just sat there staring straight ahead not reacting to it. He said he did not move a muscle.
Howard asked if Jon is angry. Jason said he's the angriest person he knows. He said they're in an office full of angry people but most of theme express their anger. He said Jon keeps it bottled up and it makes it scarier to him. He said he has to be the angriest guy there. He said that he won't move out of the way at a fast food place after placing his order. He said that's an angry guy who hates society. Howard asked why he won't move to the side. Jon said he's just making sure they get the order right. Jason said it's not normal. He said it's just an even keel.
Howard asked Jon what he feels about this ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' thing. Jon said he has to just accept it. Howard asked if he just wants it to go away. Jon said it is raising his Q rating. He said it's good. Jason said Nik Ruckert who came up with the whole thing thinks Jon will come out with a book in a few years and he'll call it ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' Jon said he can guarantee that won't happen. Gary said he said the same thing about ''They Call Me Baba Booey.''
Howard took a call from Angry Jon Hein. The guys in the back had some clips of Jon Hein yelling about stuff. Howard had a conversation with the clips and the guys had Jon yelling and throwing stuff. Howard told him to go calm down. Jon told him to eat him. Howard let regular Jon go after that too. Howard played a ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' song parody too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a cop and they arrested someone the other day and he asked his Sargent what he wanted to hit him with and he said ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' He said he burst out laughing. Howard said that's pretty funny. He let the caller go after that.
Howard read some mail about the ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' thing and how great it is because Jon hates it. Howard took a call from Jon Hein audio clips where he talks about how he likes to order. Howard cut that off and said they've heard that.
Howard said Jason is so happy that ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' caught on. Jason said it's so funny because it's not mean. He said it's something you can say to anyone and it just drives Jon crazy. Gary asked if he came up with it because he loves Jon. Jason said Nik came up with it. He said it's not that bad. He said JD went through more on the air yesterday than ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' He said you can walk up to Jon's daughter and says it to her and it's positive.
Howard told Jason to go bask in his glory. Robin said she likes that people are using it in sports reports and things.
Howard said Lenny was on the Wrap Up Show and he claims that pussy came out of the woodwork after he was on the show. Howard played a clip of Lenny talking about the many calls he got after the show. Howard asked if anyone believes that. Robin said she doesn't.
Fred played a clip of Lenny talking about eating Robin's pussy and then some clips of Ronnie talking about stuff like that and they sounded similar. Howard said they would be a great team. Howard said they have to meet and do a show. Gary said Lenny came up there and he told the guys she had a perfect pussy. Gary said he's not sure who would win at being grosser. Howard said nothing about those two turn women on. Howard said that was the greatest exchange between Lenny and Ronnie. Fred played the two of them saying things back and forth. Gary said it's funny that Ronnie said he wanted to send a woman to the moon and that's what Lenny said too.
Howard had Fred play more of the clips and said those two are getting a show. Howard said the new listeners who read the NY Times article will love that show.
Howard said they have Eric Andre coming in shortly. He said that he'll be playing prostate karaoke. Howard said he has a Tan Mom confusion call they made. Howard said Shuli does an impression of her and they had her really confused. Howard played the call where Sal calls Tan Mom and Shuli does an impression of Tan Mom so it sounds like she's echoing. Tan Mom says it's making her nuts and Shuli repeats it. Then he started saying things that she wasn't even saying. Tan Mom said she had no idea what's going on.
Howard said that's so great. Robin said it's the best. Howard said Shuli has that impression down. Howard said they called Tan Mom back and asked who she wanted to have sex with. Howard said she still likes Sal the best. Howard played that clip and Shuli was asking the question about who she likes the best. Tan Mom said Ronnie is too strict. She said Lemet is too young. She said she would go with Sal. She said Shuli has a nice wife so she doesn't want to be with him.
Howard said Tan Mom left a voicemail for Sal and she was doing a sexy voice for him. Howard said it makes him want to throw up. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom was asking where he was and talking in her sexy voice. Howard laughed. Tan Mom said she was sitting there waiting for Sal and she doesn't know what to do. She said ''Love you all'' before hanging up.
Howard said people with cancer kazoos sound sexier than that. Howard said that's the most sexless sex call he's ever heard. Gary asked if Howard thinks Sal got off on that. Howard said yes. He said he bets Sal beat off to that. Howard said Sal digs her. Gary said he wonders if she calls and he does pick up on her sometimes.
Howard took a call from a guy, Apples, who thanked him for bringing up the Orlando Bloom penis picture. He said he and his wife looked it up and his wife said Katy Perry looked like she had some cellulite. Howard said Katy Perry shouldn't be with Orlando Bloom. Howard said the guy is like a Greek God. He said that she has to give it her A-game to be with the guy. Howard said she's an attractive girl but she looked chubby next to him. Howard said she should be with a guy with cellulite on his ass like he has. Howard said he told Beth that she's always going to look great while she's with him.
Apples said he heard that Jim Breuer did not play at the Gathering of the Juggalos because of the shit he took from the Stern Show. Howard said he thinks Jim did cancel it but he's not exactly sure why. Howard said he didn't show up. Apples said Jim Norton showed up but not Jim Breuer. Apples asked Howard to check out the show Vice Principals. Howard said he won't watch it.
Howard asked what it was that Richard and Sal wanted to do to each other that was pretty gay. Howard Gary asked what it was. Howard asked if Sal is going to play Karaoke. Jason said Sal and Richard wanted to weigh each other's balls. Howard said there's an internet radio show where a woman weighs her husband's balls to find out if he's cheating. Howard said there is nothing to back that up scientifically. Howard played a clip of this woman talking about how she can tell if he's had sex by just looking at them.
Howard asked if Sal and Richard wanted to do that. Richard said this is all news to him. Sal said this was Richard's idea but Richard claims it wasn't his idea. He said that they were going to weigh their balls and then not have sex for a month and weigh them again.
Howard said Sal has to go and do the prostate karaoke thing. Sal said he'll do it and sing ''Wonder Review.'' He said he sang that at his wedding.
Howard said Sal went sailing with Larry Caputo. Howard said Memet went with them and he took his shirt off and he looks like a young boy because he shaves his chest. Howard said he has pictures of himself with Sal and Larry and he took them with a selfie stick. Richard said he thinks he's experimented before. Howard said Memet has long hair like a girl and the pictures look like something off a gay web site.
Memet came in and said he took just one picture. Howard said he saw like 20. Memet said it was just one. Howard asked if he heard what Joey Boots said he would do to him. Memet said he did. Howard played a clip of Joey talking about what he would do to Memet if he could have sex with him. He went over every detail from his face down to his cock. Richard said he thinks Memet is getting chubbed up. Memet said it's disturbing but flattering too. Howard said Gay Ramone is into him too. Howard played a clip of Ramone talking about what he would do to Memet. He talked about plucking his asshole hairs with his teeth and things like that. He talked about giving him amyl nitrate to loosen his ass up.
Richard asked Memet if he's nice and tight. He also asked if he thinks he's dabbled at all. Memet asked why he would think he did. Sal said they've all seen the pictures of him on the boat. Howard said Captain Janks said he would bend him over a chair and fuck him up the ass. Howard played a clip of Janks talking about what he would do to him and it was a quick fuck and that's it.
Howard said Memet is becoming a gay icon. Memet said he takes that as a compliment. Howard said no one ever wanted him like that. Not a man or a woman.
Howard took a call from Memet's Sexuality who said that he can go either way. Howard said Memet and Jason went to the Democratic National Convention. Memet said that he thought Jason was going to die because it was so hot out. Howard said he is into eating fatty meats and stuff. He said instead of making food he should go for a walk. Robin said he was talking about how long the meat was in something and she was thinking that it can't be good.
Jason came in and said it was very hot out at the Democratic National Convention. Howard said Jason is fatter than ever. Jason said he's down weight. He said he's at 295 from 305. He said he's not fatter than ever. Sal said he took a shit and lost 10 pounds. Howard asked how tall he is. Jason said he's 5'10''. Howard said that means he's 5'9''. Jason said no, he's 5'10''.
Jason said he really couldn't take that heat that day at the Democratic National Convention. Sal said the whole hallway shakes when Jason runs into the studio. Memet said Jason had to bend down to talk to someone at the Democratic National Convention.
Howard had some clips of some of the interviews Jason and Memet did at the Democratic National Convention. Howard played a clip of some people there singing a song. Jason said the woman singing is by herself and the nearest human being is about 100 feet away because it's so horrible. The woman was singing and the microphone was feeding back and squealing. Howard listened to the lyrics and the woman's singing was really bad. Howard had another clip of a woman singing about corporations not being people and how they can't pass the belly button test.
Howard had a clip of a guy Jason and Memet interviewed. That guy was talking about how he goes to different protests and he's also a DJ and a producer. Memet said he has seen the guy around. He said he shows up to all kinds of protests. Jason said no one had a job there.
Howard had another clip of a guy talking about how he wants to have someone get elected and then step down so they can have another election and have 5 vice presidents. Jason said that guy was sitting in the dirt on the ground and he was filthy.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about the environment after being asked about Black Lives Matter. Memet said that was the same guy. Howard played that clip and the guy said black lives matter but so does the air and water.
Howard had a clip of a guy reading poetry there at the Democratic National Convention. Jason said that guy was an asshole. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how he's the center of his own universe and Jason must be too. Howard said Trump has to deport that guy. Memet agreed. He said that he was afraid they wouldn't find any nuts at this convention but there were plenty.
Howard played another clip of the poet guy talking about how he doesn't believe in money. He told Jason he lives a very rich life but he doesn't believe in money.
Howard said there's a lot of hate for Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Howard played a clip of a woman talking about Hillary and about Debbie. She called Debbie a cunt and she wasn't too happy about Hillary either. Howard said there's a lot of sense being made there. Jason said there were a lot of people pouring in there and it was people who put a lot of time into making ''Hillary is a cunt'' signs.
Howard said they asked a girl if she would have sex with Trump if it would mean he would drop out of the race. Howard said she was confused by that. Howard played the clip and the woman said yes but then no. She said that she'd do it if Bernie could take his place. Howard said that's just a little taste of what was going on there. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Eric Andre is there. Howard said if you don't know who he is then go to HowardStern.com and follow some links to his stuff. Howard said it's good to see Eric. Howard said he wasn't sure if he grew his hair out or what. He said he loves the new season of the show. Howard said they said it wouldn't last 4 seasons but it did. Howard said he feels like the show is doing well. Howard asked if there are writers. Eric said he writes year round with his partner Dan Curry. He said they have two weeks of a writer's room where they invite comedians in to write.
Howard said he really likes the Eric Andre show. He said Eric is going to go to Dr. Fisch's office to do Prostate Karaoke. Eric said he wants Benjy to go. Benjy was up for it. Benjy knew what song he wanted to do already. Howard said he's due for one in about a week. Eric said he should go too.
Howard said when he goes for his prostate exam he sweats and it's so fucked up. He said he hates it so much. He said his doctor's name is Bob and he's constantly saying ''Oh Bob, oh Bob.''
Howard said his doctor eases his finger in there. He said that you're on your side and it's just horrible. Howard asked if he can get through a song. Eric said he's going to do ''Kiss from a Rose'' from the Batman soundtrack. Howard said the idea is to sing it and get through it without losing it. Eric said he's never done this before.
Howard said they asked him to come in and he had a bunch of ideas for bits. Howard said his goal for his talk show was to make it the most dysfunctional thing ever. Howard said in the first show of the season he's hanging from a hook and his body just slams into shit. Howard asked if he was injured doing that. Eric said he wasn't for that but once he landed on his tail bone when he was interviewing Vivica A Fox. He said he went to a chiropractor who just gave him a massage. He said he should have gone to the doctor.
Eric said he put his hand through a window when he went to a repair shop and broke stuff. He said his hand went through the window and he had to get 12 stitches. He said the guy thought he was out of his mind.
Howard said there was an older bit where his girlfriend yells at him for being the worst boyfriend and throws a bag of feces on him. He said the greatest thing is the reaction from the people there. Howard asked if he gets scared doing stuff like that. Eric said he does freak out when he's on the subway or when he's at the Republican National Convention or Democratic National Convention. He said that they all had weapons at the RNC. He said that he went up to Alex Jones who is a bit hot blooded. He said he was speaking at a Bikers for Trump rally and he's like a WWE wrestler. He said he walked up with a fishing pole with a microphone on it and tried to interview him during his speech. He said biker dudes were pushing him out of the way. He said he was asked on the stage and he told Alex he wanted him to fuck his wife. He said Alex was thrown off and he had him taken off the stage. He said he also asked why his peepee comes out yellow. Eric said that he knows this stuff will look great on camera but he is scared doing it.
Howard said Eric's guests don't know what's about to happen to them. Eric said that they have people on who don't know who he is. He said they had this dance mom on the show and she walked up asking what the show was. He said when they ask that they are like ''Yes!'' He said that they do have some people on who know the show but they will still torture them. He said they had Howie Mandel on the show and tried to freak him out with dirty dental floss falling from the ceiling and things like that.
Howard said if they're in on the joke it ruins it. Howard said he had someone who was hamming it up and then Eric took a shit on the desk. Eric said it was that Jesse Williams guy who is behind the Black Lives Matter thing. He said he just pulled his pants down and tried to take a shit. He said he had just taken a shit but Jesse saw his asshole turn from an innie to an outie. He said he's a 33 year old man dropping his pants and forcing his asshole to an outie.
Howard asked if that was a highlight for him. Eric said that T.I. talked out of the show. He said that Lauren Conrad stormed out of the show. He said T.I. had seen enough penises for the day when he walked off. Howard said it must be hard to get guests on the show. Eric said it's going to get harder and harder. He said he loves doing the show though. He said it's stressful doing it and making it. He said it is the most satisfying thing though.
Howard said he knows Eric got caught up in the Delta thing yesterday. Eric said it was total chaos. He said he was freaked out.
Howard said Eric was asked what he wanted to do this time. He said he's going to do the Prostate Karaoke thing with Dr. Fisch. Howard said he'll be going over there in a little while. Howard said Sal, Richard and Benjy will go with him. Howard said that they will judge the Karaoke. Eric said the winner should get breast implants. Eric said he would do it if he had to. Howard said in that case he wins. Howard said he will try to sing while he's getting a prostate exam. Howard said he thinks the winner will be the guy who can keep it together the best while he's going on.
Howard asked Eric about this new thing he's doing for the show this season where he's not showering or cutting his nails and he's peeing in jars and leaving them in the green room. Eric said he's like Howard Hughes this season. He said he hugs his guests too. He said that Hannibal gets pissed when he sits next to him. He said he's not brushing his teeth either.
Howard said the show is a fast moving show and they cut it up to make it very fast. Eric said that they do interviews for like an hour and a half and cut it down to 4 minutes.
Howard asked about a bit they cut from the show. Eric said they had a pro-Al Queda song that they had them cut out. He sang some of it for Howard. Eric said they did it and they made them cut it. He said they were getting enough hate mail so they had him take it out. Howard asked if he gets a lot of hate mail. Eric said he gets it from both ends of the spectrum. He said some people want to have his baby and some want him taken off the air.
Howard said Eric rented out his apartment and decided to live on the streets. Eric said when he was like 22 or 23 he gave up his apartment for like a month. He said that he did it in the summer so he was living outside and asking the audience at comedy clubs if he could stay over. He said he had tooth brushes all over the city at friend's houses. He said he slept in the park a few times. He said he would fall asleep at like midnight and then wake up at 5 in the morning and realize what a horrible idea it was. Eric said he thought to make it as a comedian he had to focus on that and not have a day job. He said that was it and that's what he was doing. Howard said it must have been an uncomfortable thing to do. Eric said he was young so you recover quickly.
Howard asked Eric about being the Geico Caveman for a while. Eric said he looks like him. He said that he got the gig as the caveman and he'd go to events as the mascot. He said they fired him. He said he was cursing way more than he should have. He said he was just so excited about it. He said he was a nobody back then and when he put on the makeup he was an instant celebrity.
Howard said last time Eric was there he messed with Wack Packers on the phone. Howard said he got Bobo upset when he told him he didn't know who he was. Howard played a clip from that day when Eric messed with Bobo and said he doesn't know him and he's not familiar with a Bobo. Bobo yelled at him and got upset that he didn't know who he was. Bobo yelled at him and said he didn't have time to wait.
Howard said he also took Viagra that day when he left. Howard said he rode the Sybian too. Howard said that was some day. He said this time he came up with the prostate karaoke thing. Howard said he's going to go over with Benjy, Sal and Richard to do that. Howard said it should take about a half hour to get over there.
Howard said that Eric also suggest ice water karaoke where you have your balls in ice water while trying to sing. Howard said he had some other ideas. Eric said he wanted to sit on Lenny Dykstra's face. Howard said Eric studied music as a young man. He went to Berkeley College of Music and played upright bass. Howard said someone told him he had to sell out to be in the business and he got out. Eric said all of this pop crap was selling and there was no rhyme or reason to it. Howard said his point of view was that he loved playing music but he's just doing it in his private life. Eric doesn't even do it on his TV show. Eric said he has a drum set and a piano in his house. He makes music on his computer just for fun too. Howard asked what it was about having to compromise. Eric said if you're good at comedy you will work. If you're good at music you may or may not work. He said he loves what he's doing.
Howard said Eric came up and did some phony phone calls yesterday. Howard said he called a sex advice show and convinced them that he was giving oral to his girlfriend. Howard said they wouldn't hang up on him though. Howard played the call and Eric called in with his girlfriend and as they were getting advice Eric was giving oral to his girlfriend as he told them what he does. He was giving oral spelling out the alphabet. The hosts of the show asked why they were on her phone. She told them to get the fuck out of her chat room. Eric kept going spelling out the alphabet and then the host got pissed and started speaking in tongues. Howard said that voodoo works.
Eric said he wants to do the Ayahuasca thing like Robin did. Robin said he should do that. Howard said he's such a creative guy and he doesn't get why he'd do that. Eric said he thinks there's something there that could bring out something artistic. Howard said he did LSD and it was the most harmful thing. Howard said he did 4 hits accidentally. Howard said Robin got cancer from Ayahuasca. Eric said he knows that's not true. Howard said he would think twice about that. He doesn't need that. Eric said he does a lot of meditation stuff and he likes those spiritual experiences. Howard said he doesn't need it. Howard said maybe next time he can do Ayahuasca Karaoke.
Howard asked Eric about growing up in Boca Raton, Florida and how boring that was. Howard asked about his parents divorcing and how that was for him. Eric said it was a very passive divorce so it wasn't too bad. He said he was 12 at the time. Howard asked what his family thinks about what he does. Eric said his sister thinks it's funny but she didn't want him going to the RNC. He said that his mom likes what he does but his dad isn't into it. He said he thinks his dad has seen him nude way more than he expected to.
Howard said Eric showed up yesterday and took over this show called the Woo Child Show. Howard said then he just makes noises the rest of the time. Howard played a clip of the phony phone call where Eric calls into this show and just starts talking over the host and makes noise so the guy can't speak. Howard asked why they don't hang up on him. Howard said it's like they don't know how to hang up. Eric kept making noise and the guy just didn't hang up. The host would keep putting him on mute but then he'd turn him back up and he'd still be making noise.
Howard said that was so great. He said it's crazy. He didn't know why the guy didn't just hang up. Howard said The Eric Andre show is on Adult Swim on Friday nights. Howard said he can be seen on tour too. Howard said you can find out more on EricAndre.com
Howard had Richard and Sal come in to talk about the Karaoke thing. Richard said he's all cleaned up and ready to go. Eric said he's not. He said he hasn't shit yet and he had some spicy Indian food last night.
Howard talked to the guys about the songs they'll be performing. Howard said they have to make the rules now. He said they get in there and get on the table. Then they sing the song and then the probe will go in. Howard said they'll know when it goes in. Howard said keep singing to the best of your ability. Howard said they'll score them on a scale of 10. Howard said whoever gets the most will win. Howard said there will be a loser. Howard said they'll score it like the Olympics.
Howard asked Eric if he's a good singer. Eric said he lost his voice touring and he doesn't remember the lyrics. He said they'll see how he does. Benjy said that the karaoke part is going to be tough.
Howard said they'll have them come slamming into the show hen they're ready. Howard said he's a big fan of Eric's. Howard said he's pretty sure he's seen all of his shows. Jason said that they just got a picture of the probe they're using. Richard said it looks like a big vibrator. Sal saw it and said he's out. Richard said it must have been modeled after Lexington Steel. Howard went to break and sent the boys off to Dr. Fisch's office.
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Howard said they also have Shuli and Wendy and the Slow Adult on the road. Howard said they're driving on the road from Florida to do a music special. Howard said Wendy loves music so she's driving in to record a special. Howard said that should be a great special. Howard said he'll have more details soon. Howard said Shuli asked if he should be in the car with them so he said yes. Howard said he has a little flavor of that. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Wendy about the drive and if she's excited. Wendy said she likes to stare out the window and count busses or whatever she wants. Wendy said her mom has to turn the radio on around noon to listen to Rush Limbaugh. Howard said Wendy has to be quiet during that show. Howard said Shuli learned they have a happy quiet time where she shuts up for a while.
Howard played another clip where Shuli talked about how Wendy and her mom don't talk much because it's their ''happy quiet time.'' Howard said Shuli told him he'd rather be on assignment in Syria.
Howard said he has a list of the disgusting food Wendy eats. He got that list and had Shuli on the phone too. Shuli said they're in Maryland now. He said they're not too far off. Howard said they left Florida at 6am. He wrote that Wendy was drinking a huge Mountain Dew. Shuli said it had to be 30-40 ounces. He said they got breakfast and it was a huge breakfast from McDonald's and she had another Mountain Dew. Then they got lunch and she had another Mountain Dew with her lunch. They stopped for dinner after Wendy won $60 on lottery tickets. She won a bunch of money but then spent all of it. Then she won and was up about 100 bucks. Shuli said she buys $10 and $20 scratch offs and she wins. Howard said she doesn't win millions though. Shuli said she won one that was like 60 bucks. He said it was just one card. Howard asked if she's bright enough that she knows she won. Shuli said she does.
Howard said they had dinner and there was so much food there wasn't enough room on the table. She had sweet tea with a bunch of packets of sugar in it. Shuli said she didn't sleep the entire 13 hours they were driving. Howard asked how many times she shit after eating that much food. Shuli wasn't sure.
Howard asked to speak to Wendy. Wendy got on the phone and asked Wendy about eating all of that food and if she has made doody since she started the trip. Wendy said she did and she did some in her diaper. Howard asked if she did it in the restaurant or in the diaper. She said most of it was in her diaper. Howard asked how Shuli didn't smell it. She wasn't sure. She said she sat in it about a half hour. She said it was kind of wet. Howard said that's what McDonald's will do to it. Howard asked if she gets red and rashy. Wendy said yes.
Howard asked Wendy if she goes to the restroom before she orders her food. Wendy said she will order her food and then clean up. Howard said that's what he thought. Howard asked about the doody being stuck to her ass and her legs. Wendy was saying yes to everything Howard asked. Howard went over the clean up process and she was claiming it takes about 40 minutes. Howard asked about washing down her ass and getting the doody out. Howard said she must get it in her vagina. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she gets it on her back. Wendy said yes. Howard said that must be hard to do.
Howard asked if she gets in the car with a clean diaper and then doodies again. Wendy said yes. She said it comes out when it comes out. She said she'll sit in it for a half hour or so until her mom pulls over. She said she was in the car from 12:30 to 5:30 so she must have sat in it a while. Howard asked about which restaurant gives her the most doody. She said it was Denny's. She said she had spaghetti and meatballs and some other stuff.
Howard said after dinner there must have been more doody. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if the doody gets stuck in her ass hair. She said yes. Howard said it must get stuck in her bush too. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she ever pees and doodies at the same time. She said yes to that too.
Howard asked how Shuli isn't unconscious from this. Wendy said they don't even complain about the smell. She said that she has to pass gas sometimes and they don't say anything.
Howard kept asking questions and Wendy was saying yes to everything. Wendy was coughing or something and it turns out she was choking on her spit. Howard said she doesn't eat anything healthy. Wendy said not really. Howard asked if she has doody in her diaper now. She said not yet. She said that will happen whenever it kicks in.
Howard asked Wendy if she's attracted to Shuli at all. Wendy said sort of. Howard asked if she's going to make a move on him. She said she might. Howard told her to let him know when she does.
Howard had Shuli get back on the phone and asked how he doesn't smell shit. Shuli said that maybe she's compacting it in the diaper. He told Howard about Wendy going to the bathroom and how she asked for extra food.
Howard asked what the worst part of the trip has been. Shuli said Wendy had a laugh attack at the table last night and food was coming out of every orifice. He said it was disgusting. Howard asked if he would rather fuck Wendy or Underdog. He picked Underdog. Howard asked how much longer it's going to be. Shuli said they have another 4 hours to go and they'll be home. Shuli said it's been amazing.
Howard said they're still waiting for the guys to get to Dr. Fisch's office. Howard said they'll be set up for that when they get there.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked how Wendy isn't the greatest Wack Packer of all time. She said that she shits in her diaper and she's got the cats and the babysitting and all of that. Howard said the problem is that whenever you hear a Wack Packer on the air you think they're the greatest. Howard said even Jeff the Drunk can be great. Howard said Wendy has to be right up there though.
Howard said he has to take a break and go throw up. Howard said the guys might be there when they get back. If not they'll start the news. Howard went to break after that.
Robin started her news with a story about two more women coming forward saying that Bill Cosby assaulted them. Robin read about one woman's story and what she claims Cosby did to her. The woman claims it happened in the 1980s. Robin said she's not sure why people are taking their time to come out. She said there was a rush to get their names out there for a while but these two are coming late to the party. Robin said it's up to 60 women now. Howard said it's an unbelievable story. Howard asked what's more unbelievable, the Cosby rape thing or Caitlyn Jenner becoming a woman. Howard said that or the Subway kid being into little kids. Howard said that's a good one too. Robin said she's going to say it's Bruce Jenner. They spent a little more time talking about that and then Howard had Dr. Fisch on to talk about the prostate karaoke thing.
Howard asked Dr. Fisch about using a probe instead of a finger. Dr. Fisch said he does. Gary was there and said that he's in a very tiny room there at the office. He said Richard is going to go first. He said his pants are around his ankles with his underpants on. Howard asked if he pulls his underpants down or will Richard do it. Dr. Fisch said that he will ask him to pull them down. Richard said he was going to be completely naked but Dr. Fisch asked him to keep his shirt on.
Gary said Sal has been a goofball there so he had to ask him to calm down. Howard asked if the guys can sing a little bit of their song and then they can begin the probing. Dr. Fisch said whatever Howard likes. Howard asked if Richard is nervous. Richard said he is very nervous. Richard pulled his pants down. Dr. Fisch said that Eric is sweating bullets there. Eric said he's half nervous and half horny. He said his nipples are erect. Howard had Richard start to sing ''Unchained Melody.'' He started it and then Dr. Fisch inserted the probe and Richard let out some odd noises as it was going in. His voice changed pretty drastically when it went in.
Howard asked if it's in. Richard said it was all the way in. Richard was still singing and getting probed. Richard said it feels like a smaller penis in his butt. Dr. Fisch finished up his probe and said he was all done. He said it came out normal. He said they have the size of his prostate which is 20 grams and his bladder is normal too. Howard said his is slightly enlarged and it kind of sucks when he has to pee.
Gary said Sal is on the table now. Robin said they're scoring 1 to 10 with 10 being the best. Howard said it's time for Sal to sing a little. Gary said they have to get the probe ready first. Dr. Fisch said they put a condom on it. Gary said Sal is doing something strange with his butt. He's massaging his butt hole.
Sal started to sing ''The Wonder of You'' by Elvis Presley. Sal got in some of the song and then the probe went in. He let out some pained noises as he was singing and getting probed. Howard was cracking up. Sal was still making some odd noises as he sang.
Howard said thank god Elvis isn't here to hear this. Howard said Dr. Fisch has good technique. He said he didn't fall apart. Sal said that's tough. He said it's an indescribable feeling. He said it's very odd and the only way to understand it is to do it. Howard said he has done it and he knows. Gary said the probe is in for about 45 seconds and it's big. He said it's bigger than many dildos. Howard asked Dr. Fisch if it's best to imagine it's Orlando Bloom's cock. Dr. Fisch said that his prostate was 19 grams which is perfect. He said most are 40 grams and above.
Robin asked Dr. Fisch about putting the probe in and if he has to move it around. Dr. Fisch said they move it from side to side to get a measurement.
Benjy got on the table and almost tipped it over according to Gary. Gary said Benjy knows what to do but he's not doing it. Howard told them to just taze him. Benjy said he's embarrassed. Howard said he has to say that he has a good technique because the guys aren't freaking out. Dr. Fisch said that they know exactly what the size is. He said this isn't what all doctors do. Howard said he may have to go to Dr. Fisch. Howard said he's at DrHarryFisch.com.
Howard had the guys get back to the fun. Benjy is doing Randy Travis' ''Forever and Ever Amen.'' Benjy started singing the song and then the probe went in and he let out some grunts and sort of screamed. He sounded like he was in severe pain. Benjy said ''Oh please!'' in a very high voice. He said ''Be careful!'' Howard told him to keep singing. Benjy asked what he was doing and screamed again. Dr. Fisch said he's not sure why he had so much pain. Dr. Fisch said he was really tensing up.
Howard asked what happened to the song. Benjy was still making pained noises and saying that it's been in there a long time and it feels like there's more than one thing in there. He said he feels like he's fucking him with it. He lost his place in the song.
Gary said it's out. He asked him to explain what happened at the beginning. Dr. Fisch said he was squeezing down so tightly that it wasn't going in. Benjy said he feels safe and not abused or anything. Howard asked how his prostate is looking. Dr. Fisch said his is 34 grams. He said he's almost double everyone else. He claims to be 44 but he's closer to 50 according to some. Dr. Fisch said he has to be careful because he's a little bit overweight and if he lost some weight he might be better.
Howard said now it's time for Eric Andre to get up there. Howard gave him some plugs and asked how he's holding up. Eric said he's holding up. He said Benjy's ass looks like it has 4 ass cheeks. He said it looks like a wet loaf of bread.
Howard asked what song he's doing. Eric said he's doing ''Kiss from a Rose'' from the Batman soundtrack. Eric started to sing and asked why he's doing this. He sang for a few seconds and then the probe went in and he let out a squeal in the middle of the song. Eric said he has to shit. He kept singing and howling. Howard said he thought he was a musician. Eric said he has to shit. He said shit's going to come out. He said he needs a cigarette. The probe was in and Eric said he thinks it's hitting his esophagus.
Howard asked if he shit. Dr. Fisch said he didn't. Richard said there was stuff in his ass cheeks. He started gagging. Howard asked what happened. Dr. Fisch said he has a 19.5 gram prostate. He said that's very good. Dr. Fisch said that Benjy had the largest of them all.
Gary said now Eric is squatting down and wiping his ass. He was trying to put something Richard's face to smell it. Howard thanked Dr. Fisch for the help. Dr. Fisch said that prostate awareness is very important. Howard said get that probe so you can get everything checked out. Howard gave Eric some plugs for his TV show and said he loved this. Eric laughed as Howard gave him some plugs. Howard wrapped up with the guys but he forgot to figure out who won.
Howard asked Robin who she gave the highest score to. Robin said she gave Sal an 8. Howard gave Sal the highest with a 7. Howard said Sal was funny. Fred said he had Benjy in 4th, Eric in 3rd and Richard in second. He said he had Sal in first as well. He said he gave him an 8. Howard said Sal won. They all agreed.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the hell is wrong with him. He said they just had guys putting stuff in their backside. Howard said they were singing. The caller said that's not right. Howard said that James Corden is going to do this with Mariah Carey in a car tonight. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how Delta is cancelling flights today to reset for the mess that happened yesterday. Howard said he was just thinking about Eric Andre saying he was going to shit during that segment. Howard said Seth Rogen got a lot of positive email yesterday. Howard read some of those emails. Howard read some birthday wishes for Robin from some fans too.
Robin read a story about Tim Tebow trying to get into the MLB to play baseball instead of football.
Robin read a story about Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg getting together to do a reality show. Robin said it's going to be on VH-1 in the fall.
Robin read a story about a FOX News reporter who is coming out claiming that Roger Ailes sexually harassed her. Robin read the details of that.
Howard read some email about the Orlando Bloom penis talk they had yesterday. Howard said people weren't happy about that. Howard said they got a song parody about Orlando's cock. He played that said a lot of work goes into those. Howard said he's always amazed.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about his tissues in his underwear and how that works. Howard said he pees and it dribbles so he takes two tissues and wraps them around his penis. The caller asked when they come out. Howard said they stay there until the next time he pees. The caller said it's mummified for 24 hours then. Howard said yes. He actually takes them off before he goes to bed. He said sometimes he forgets and it's wrapped like a mummy when he's about to have sex with Beth.
Robin read a story about Hulu moving away from free TV and asking people to subscribe to access their content. Robin said they will be offered a free trial for 30 days if they sign up. Howard said anything on network TV he just TiVos. Robin said she just uses Hulu when she misses something. Robin said she's already on a subscription package. Howard said he thought it was just NBC. Robin said it's all of them. She said CBS is on it. Howard sounded shocked by that. He said they're usually pretty ornery.
Robin read about how two members of Saturday Night Live won't be returning. Taran Killam and Jay Pharoah won't be back. Robin said NBC is not renewing their contracts. Howard said that must be a bummer when they don't ask you to return.
Robin read a story about a police officer who was arrested for providing material to support ISIS. Robin said he was arrested on Wednesday but he's been on law enforcement's radar since 2010.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't stop someone in his house from saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein''. Howard just hung up on that guy.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he wants to thank him for saying he's the greatest Wack Packer of them all. Robin said he didn't say that. Jeff said he sure fucking did. Howard said he's showing how great he is with this laugh a minute call. Howard said he said at times you kind of think Jeff is great but he never said he was the greatest.
Robin read some news about the Olympics. She had some details on which Americans have advanced and won gold medals.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said on Thursday on Coney Island he had the biggest hard on. He said he announced New Kids on the Block on the stage. He said Donnie Wahlberg asked him to do that. Howard said they should have Erik do Prostate Karaoke. Erik said it's painful. Howard said it's kind of painful but it's something you need to do. Erik said he's like 45 but he'll do it if he wants him to. Howard said they'll line that up. Erik said maybe he can do it with Jeff the Drunk and someone else. Erik said they can do it like they did today. Robin said maybe Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard said maybe that guy with the weird head, Marfan Mike, can do it. Erik said he moved to Florida because he has health problems. Erik said maybe that Chinese guy. Howard said he'd be good. Robin said maybe Medicated Pete. Howard said he can sing Purple Rain. Howard said maybe Big Foot too. Howard said he'll let him know. He let Erik go after that. Howard said they get free prostate exams. Robin said everyone is a winner. Howard said they'll be spraying down Dr. Fisch's office for months.
Robin said a lot of Olympic athletes are doing something called Cupping where they put cups on that cause suction and make round marks on the athletes. Howard said he hates that look. Robin said it looks like a weird disease.
Robin read about some women who are wearing Hijabs in the Olympic games. Howard said he saw that. Robin said there's one American woman who is competing in one but she was eliminated.
Robin read a story about a fighter who was arrested in Rio for trying to kiss a housekeeper in a hotel.
Robin read a story about how Hillary Clinton is about 10 points above Trump in a Survey Monkey poll. Howard said he's never heard of that monkey poll. Robin said they joined up with NBC for the poll so that's why they're hearing about them.
Howard asked Robin if she read about the guy who was killed in Iraq. He said he read a story about him and he was some dude. Howard said even when he was in school as a kid he helped a kid who was being bullied and inspired the kid to lose some weight. Howard said his plan was to go to law school when he got back. Howard said then it was his day off and he loved his troops so much that he didn't leave. Howard said the guys all loved the guy because he wasn't caught up in his rank. Howard said they said he loved his guys so much he would make them lunch personally. Howard said he went to check a gate to the compound and one of the women told him not to go because it was his day off. He said two suicide bombers pull up in a cab and blow him up. He warned everyone what was happening and he saved a bunch of people. He was just 27 years old. Howard said they should make a movie of his life. Howard said he's the best of what this country represents. Howard said we are a nation of immigrants. Howard said this guy was on his day off and lost his life. Howard said he recommends everyone read the story in the NY Times. Howard said it's mandatory reading.
Robin read that they polled a bunch of officials and they're saying that Trump is not fit to be president.
Robin read a story about Patrick Kennedy saying that people have to stop calling Trump crazy. Robin said he's upset that they're making people who have real problems look bad.
Robin read a story about a CIA officer who is running for President. Robin had some audio of him talking about why he's running.
Robin read a story about Curt Schilling considering running for President in 8 years or 4 if Hillary wins.
Robin read about the 10 year old who died in the water slide accident over the weekend. Robin had some audio of a preacher talking about the 10 year old. Robin said this was a 17 story tall water slide. Robin said the raft became airborne during the ride. Robin said they found him at the bottom in the water. Howard said he doesn't go on any of those rides. Howard said he read that he was beheaded. Robin said he had a broken neck. Howard said he never goes on these rides. Robin said the last time she went to an amusement park she came home with a concussion. Robin said she went on a roller coaster and had double vision. She said she had never had that before. Robin said she needs her head so she doesn't go anymore.
Benjy came back after the prostate exam. Benjy said his ass is still slippery from the lube. Howard said you have to wipe really good. Howard said that was great so he thanked him for doing that. Howard said his song sounded good. Howard said he had Benjy in second place. Robin said she gave him less of a score because he broke away from his song. Howard said they have a picture of his ass and it's bizarre looking. Howard said it's not that bad actually. Howard said his is worse than Benjy's. Benjy took a look at the picture and said it looks like he has an ass inside his ass.
Howard said Benjy's performance was funny. He didn't like his song though. Howard asked why he didn't know how to get on the table. Benjy said he was trying to make his ass look okay and they didn't let him do that. He also said Dr. Fisch had a friend there who was touching them and he thinks he was just some guy. Howard thanked him again and got back to news.
Robin read a story about a guy who went out to help someone with a dead battery and 4 masked people stood on his porch with guns drawn so he pulled a concealed weapon on them. Robin said he recognized one of the men because he had lived at the home. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
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Howard started the show talking about how he's in here doing a show for Benjy. He said he was having a conversation with him about the prostate karaoke thing he did yesterday. Howard said he's thinking of taking that to television. He said ABC wants it on after Match Game. Howard said he was listening to it again last night.
Howard read some email about the karaoke. Fans were writing in about how funny they thought it was. Howard had some clips from the segment too. Howard said they did it over the ISDN line so it sounded like it was right there. Howard said you can tell the moment of insertion with Richard. Howard played that clip when Richard took the probe in. Howard said as a man who has had his prostate examined he knows that feeling and it's crazy. Howard said they have a new bit called circumcision karaoke. He said Fred is going to perform in that bit.
Howard played more of Richard singing with the probe in his ass. Howard said he wouldn't be able to sing during his exam. He said it's just too uncomfortable. Howard played some of Benjy's singing when he got the probe inserted. Howard said it's freaky. Robin asked if it was that painful. Benjy said it feels like it's going to get bigger and bigger inside you. Howard said he gets the same way. He said when his doctor does it he sweats bullets all day. He said the thing goes in your asshole and it doesn't stop. Howard said he sounds exactly like this. Howard said he doesn't want things in his ass. He played more of Benjy freaking out as it was in his ass.
Howard asked Benjy if he was afraid that it would go too far in. Benjy said he's not sure if they go by feel or sight but he felt safer with this than he did with Perez. Howard said of course he did. Gary said there is no governor on the device. He said it was probably 12 inches long and maybe 1/3 to half of it goes in. Benjy said there were other patients in the other room and they may not have been told what was going on in there.
Howard asked what this song is. Benjy told him it's a Randy Travis song. Howard said he doesn't like country music. Benjy said he thinks he'd like it. Howard said he saw Miranda Lambert performing on Jimmy Kimmel's show and he liked her song ''Vice.'' Howard said it might be because she's attractive. He said she has a band that's rockin'. He said country sounds kind of rock and she had like 5 guitar players up on stage with her. He said he was kind of digging it. Howard said he's going to listen to the song now and see if he still likes it without looking at her. He had Fred play the song. Howard checked out the song ''Vice'' and had Fred hold off on playing Robin singing clips over it. Howard let it play for a minute and then said he likes it. He said they had a weird guitar thing going on jimmy's show. Howard had Fred look it up to find that version. Howard asked if Fred likes the song. Fred did but Robin said it's just alright. Howard said he likes it. Robin said she'll know that when it ends up in his playlist.
Howard said he was wondering what happened to her and Blake's marriage. Howard said he'd love to know what happened there. Fred found the Jimmy Kimmel show version of the same song. He played that and it had more of the guitar thing going. Howard said he couldn't tell who was doing what there.
Howard said he was wondering what happened to her and Blake Shelton. Howard said they're both country stars. He said he figured they'd work out. Robin said they don't always work out. Howard said he has to do that when he watches TV. He said it's such a drama too. He said she kicked out two people from her concert when they were yelling out ''Gwen Stefani.'' Howard said that is kind of rude. He asked why you'd do that. Robin said they paid money to do that. Howard said that's right. He said he thinks this is a good song.
Howard said there was a band he was listening to that he liked. Howard said he was talking to Ed Sheeran outside the show. He said he asked Ed what he listens to. Howard said Ed thought a long time and Ed told him that he might like Foy Vance. Howard said he had him check out the song ''Be With Me.'' Howard said he listened and he really liked it. Howard had Fred look that one up. Fred had it already and played it for him. He had a live version that Howard didn't want to hear. He had him find the studio version. Fred played that version and Howard thought that was pretty cool. Robin didn't like it that much. Fred liked it. Howard said the whole album is pretty good. Fred said he's going to get it.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he would write his memoirs and write about who his best guests were. Howard said he doesn't know. He said his agent said there are some companies that want him to write a book but he can't do it. He can't even look at his two books. Howard said he was thinking about what he might do if he retired. Howard said his agent thinks it's a good idea to do it now. Howard said he doesn't want to write it though. He said he has a lot to say but if you write something it's there forever. He said he's better at saying things sarcastically on the air and you get the nuance. He said he's not sure he digs the medium that much. He said he might write a book about how much he hates writing books.
Howard said he likes reading but he doesn't want to write. Howard said he thought about who the worst caller is and it might be Speech Impediment Man or Bobo. Speech Impediment Man said it's Bobo. He said he's a better Wack Packer than Jeff the Drunk. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said Jeff is really fucked up. He said if you listen to his Periscope you hear how fucked up he is. He said he's material rich. Howard said he's whipping out his cock and living in a trailer. He said they had a girl fuck him and she cried for weeks after.
Speech Impediment Man asked when he can come back and hang out with them. He said it's been like 10-15 years. Howard said he speaks funny but what can they do with him. Speech Impediment Man said he does comedy. He said he just did some shows in L.A. He said it was good. Howard asked for his best joke. Speech Impediment Man said his first job was a 911 operator and the first day 11 people killed themselves. Howard asked if that's his best joke. Speech Impediment Man said he's still working on it. Howard said he would want to hear about his life but he knows he was never an operator.
Speech Impediment Man told another joke but it was so bad Howard said this isn't for him. Speech Impediment Man asked if he's ever heard of Tom Dreesen. Howard said he has. Speech Impediment Man said he's like the original Wack Packer of comedy and he needs to have him on the show. Howard said he doesn't know what to do with him and this is why he has to go. He said he doesn't know what to do with him. Speech Impediment Man said he's better than High Pitch Erik. Howard said Erik might be the greatest of all time. He said even when he makes a list of Wack Packers he doesn't put Speech Impediment Man on. Speech Impediment Man said he should. Howard said it was great talking to him. Speech Impediment Man asked why he's being so negative. Howard said he just doesn't think he's going to have him on the show. Speech Impediment Man asked why not. Howard told him to call Gary and set something up. Speech Impediment Man said Gary never calls him back. Gary said he can email him and he'll bring it to Howard. Speech Impediment Man said he had a movie coming out and he didn't call him back. Howard said he has to go. He hung up on him after that.
Howard said that did not go well. He took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if women still come on to him. Howard said when he was single and shopping for his apartment he had a woman come on to him. He said she gave him her phone number and he promised to call. He said he never called. He said he figured she was mental. Howard said she came running up to him like he was a rock star. Howard said chicks used to line up for him at parties. He said he was happening. He said it wasn't all the time though. He said he'd see models sitting around and they'd be like ''fuck you'' to him. He said he got full of himself. He said he was in a certain league but not in the upper echelon. Howard said he thought he was a stud and didn't like the women who didn't respond to him. He said the whole dating thing was nonsense for him. He said it could get him into trouble. Howard said then he met Beth and she was into him and that was it. He said that's all he needed. He said now he's married and he's long in the tooth so no one is coming after him.
Howard said he did some stupid things. He said Jillian Barberie wanted to fuck him. He said she wanted to have sex with him. Howard said she kind of put it out there and he never got around to that. Howard said Jenny McCarthy said she'd fuck his brains out too and he never did that. He said that was just plain stupid on his part. Howard said he's happily married now and he has a good sex life. Howard said before he met Beth he should have put that in play.
Benjy asked if he didn't do it because he knew they were a sure thing. Howard said they may have scared him. He said when someone wants him that much it's scary. He said he figures there's something wrong with them. Robin asked if he was afraid that it would come back to haunt him. Howard said no. He said when he's on full pussy patrol he doesn't think about that.
Jim asked if he misses having naked women in the studio. Howard said that was good for terrestrial radio. He said there was such hypocrisy there. He said it was controlled by the government and having naked women in there and seeing management types freak out was like ''fuck you'' to them. Howard said they came on satellite and no one cared. Howard said there's no censorship there. He said that's how terrestrial radio should be handled. Howard said it was about saying fuck you and not about having naked women. He said they were just seeing how far they could go. Howard said once they got there they had to change it. Howard said they had to do things differently. Howard said here you can fuck someone in the studio and they don't care. Howard let Jim go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought the prostate karaoke thing was great. He said he would do that to get his prostate checked. Howard said they might do one with the listeners. The caller also said he went to comic-con and he was doing the ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' there. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard played some of Sal singing karaoke yesterday while getting his ass probed. Howard asked Benjy if he panics when it goes in. He asked if it was in or almost in when he makes that noise. Benjy said it's the pressure building up. Howard played more of Sal getting probed. Howard said it would have been great if Elvis had been probed on stage.
Howard said the guys said Sal was rubbing his asshole to prepare for the probe. He said it was like it was a vagina. Gary said he was massaging one butt cheek like it was going to open his anus. He said it was so odd. Howard said women don't even do that. Benjy said he kept whispering ''Larry.'' Howard said Sal has massive hemorrhoids and maybe he was trying to hide them. Gary said he didn't see any. Howard said he bent over and showed it to them. Sal said he was just trying to loosen the meat back there. He said he figured if he rubbed it back there it would make it looser.
Robin asked if he was able to laugh at this. Sal said he's numb to everything. Howard said Eric Andre said he really thought he was shitting when he got probed. Howard played some audio of his karaoke when the probe went in. Howard and Robin were cracking up. Eric was yelling out that he felt like he had to shit. Howard said the bar has been raised for future guests. Howard said Hugh Grant is coming in soon. He said the bar is raised for him. Howard played a Sour Shoes announcer bit where he announced that Hugh Grant is coming in at 9.
Howard said Hugh Grant has had a string of movies. He said he was going over his career. He said he did a movie where he was a guy who was completely emotionally vapid. He said a little boy comes into his life. Robin said she loved that movie. Howard said that was his most successful movie. Howard said it's hard to pull off the romantic comedy thing and he's able to do it. Howard said he's a good looking dude too. Howard said they'll be talking to him later. Robin said she saw him once and there isn't a better looking human on earth.
Howard said Hugh has that boyish charm or something. Robin said he's debonair. Howard said he's the opposite of that himself. He said he's disgusting-air. Howard said Robin must dig him because she's touching her asshole like Sal.
Howard played a phony phone call the guys made with Sour Shoes doing his George Takei impression. They called a wrestling show and had ''George'' talking about wrestling with Brad. They went to break after that.
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Howard said they talked to Wendy yesterday and found out she has a gambling addiction. Howard said he's not sure where she gets the money for the lottery tickets but she's doing it. Howard said it should be against the law for her to play. He said she doesn't know how to handle money. Howard said he should have her in.
Robin said she was wondering what would happen if Hugh Grant ran into Wendy. Howard said it won't happen. He said she'll be ushered away so Hugh Grant will never see Wendy. He said there's no chance of that happening.
Howard had Shuli come in to talk about his trip with Wendy and her mom. Shuli said they got in yesterday afternoon. He said it's Wendy's mom who doesn't like flying so that's why they drove up. Howard said he pictures her doing the Tom Cruise dance when Wendy isn't home. Howard said he feels so bad for her mom. Howard said her mom has to argue with her about going to buy lottery tickets. Shuli said he's been around addicted gamblers and Wendy is hooked. He said she had a stack of cash on her. He said he has no idea how. He said he doesn't know where it came from.
Howard had the guys bring Wendy in. She was in her Freddy Krueger outfit including a mask. She said she would cut Howard like a fish. Howard said she looks just like Freddy. Howard asked her to take the mask off. He said they're going to play some tapes of her but he wants to talk to her about her addiction to gambling. Howard asked if she knows what that means. Wendy said she does. She said it's like when you buy something and you scratch it. Howard asked where she gets the money from. Wendy said it's from what her mom gives her. She said she gets some extra cash on her too. She said she'll ask people for change or a dollar. Howard said then she goes and buys a ticket. Wendy said she buys a burrito first. Then she'll go buy tickets.
Howard asked Wendy if it's fair that a retarded person is allowed to buy scratch off tickets. Howard said she's losing money. Wendy said they don't know that she's half retarded. She said she's mostly lucky. Wendy said last month she won $1000 on a ticket. Howard said she's probably spent 10,000 though. Shuli said they have vending machines though. He said you can buy them from the machine.
Howard had some tape of Wendy's mom telling Wendy not to buy tickets. Howard played the clip and Wendy's mom said she would rather scratch tickets than eat. She stopped her from going to get something. Wendy said she's so mean. Wendy just wanted to go get lottery tickets. She said they take EBT tickets there.
Howard asked Wendy about saying she's half human and half retarded. Wendy said that's right. Howard said he's worried about her. He said she has to stop gambling. Howard asked what part of her is human and what part is retarded. Wendy didn't know.
Howard said they got in yesterday afternoon and they went straight to eat something. Shuli said every stop they had they had food and lottery tickets. Howard said Wendy likes Mountain Dew and sweet tea. Howard said he's worried about her weight. Wendy said she thinks she's about 240 pounds. Howard said that might be low. She puts 6 packs of sugar in her sweet tea. Shuli said she just grabs a handful of sugar. He said you just stand back and let her do her thing.
Howard said he saw video of her meal at Denny's and she had cheddar cheese in her mashed potatoes. She had a ton of food to eat too. Howard said it must have been a massive dump.
Shuli said she had an accident at one point in Jersey. He said he went in to get her at a rest stop they were at. He said she wanted to get something to drink. He said she went right to the machine to buy tickets instead of going to the bathroom. Howard asked if she shit her pants in the car. Wendy said she did. Howard said she looks so proud. Shuli said when he went in to get her he watched what was going on. He said he was standing by her and he could tell something was happening. He said he could smell it. Howard said it was wet and loose. Wendy said yes to all of that.
Howard asked if Wendy is always loose. Wendy said she is. Howard asked if she minds sitting in it. Wendy said she doesn't mind. She gets diaper rash sometimes but not all the time. Shuli said the last hour of that drive was rough.
Howard asked Wendy about shitting her diaper and if her mom throws her in the shower. Wendy was saying ''yes'' to everything. Robin asked if they throw the diaper in the trash in the room. Wendy said yes to that.
Shuli said she has very little control of her bowels when she's laughing. Howard said she made that clear in this clip. Howard played a clip of Wendy telling Shuli about her body telling her she has to go to the bathroom and that he shouldn't make her laugh. She said she might pee and poop if she laughs. Shuli said it's like a time bomb.
Howard said Wendy got there and then went out to dinner. She said she went to Subway for a sweet Teryaki chicken sandwich. She said she had a foot long and a couple of cookies and chips. Soda too. Wendy said she had a large Coke. Shuli said she gets sodas that you need help carrying.
Howard asked Wendy about what it looks like when she shits after eating that. He'd ask questions and Wendy said yes to everything.
Shuli pointed out she has no teeth on the bottom or the top now. Howard asked if she eats like a fly. Wendy said yes to everything. Howard said no wonder the Subway sandwich comes out looking the same as it did going in.
Shuli asked what her favorite part of the trip was. She said that she liked when he lost his straw at Denny's. Shuli said she was cracking up at that.
Howard asked if Wendy misses her teeth. Wendy said yes. She said she might get implants. Howard said she can't lose those.
Howard had some audio of Wendy ordering food at Denny's. She was asking for an extra sized portion. He said the waitress wasn't going for it though. Wendy ordered another side with that because she was hungry. Then she asked the waitress if she could try the sweet corn. They were wiling to bring anything to her. Shuli said she was pissed when they couldn't give her a bigger portion.
Howard asked if it tasted good. Wendy said yes. Shuli said she thinks she's Italian because she likes spaghetti and meatballs. Howard asked if she combines it all. Wendy said she does. Howard asked if she is attracted to Shuli. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she wished that she was Mrs. Shuli. Wendy said yes to all of that. Howard asked her about what she'd do on the wedding night and all of that. Howard asked if she can imagine him taking her clothes off and she finally said no. Howard asked if she fantasizes about him helping her with her diaper. She said yes.
Howard asked Wendy if she ever says no. Wendy said no. Howard asked her about fucking the guy she was fucking. Wendy said they broke up and he went off with someone else.
Howard asked if there is a plan to make doody today. Shuli said he is taking her under his wing today. He said she is diapered up. Wendy said yes when she was asked about that. Howard asked if her mom has a diaper bag. She said no. Howard asked who carries the diapers. Wendy said they're in the luggage. Howard asked if she has eaten yet. Wendy said not yet. She started with a Mountain Dew though. Howard asked what she would like for breakfast. Wendy said she'd like some hot Krispy Kreme donuts. Howard said it might not be the best thing for them to feed her. Howard asked what her mom is doing today. Wendy said she's probably laying down reading the paper.
Howard said maybe he can get her some oatmeal with raisins today. Wendy said she'll eat anything. Howard said maybe a cold glass of water. Wendy said yes but Shuli said she'll tear that place up if they feed her that.
Howard asked Wendy if she's in love with Shuli. She was staring at him. Wendy said she wishes he was single. Shuli said he will be some day.
Howard said Wendy is there to record her music special. Howard said she's going to play her favorite songs and talk about them.
Howard said he eats yogurt for breakfast with some granola over it. Wendy said she eats yogurt too. Howard asked if her mom ever has to wipe her. Wendy said she does. Howard asked if she will ask Shuli to help her with that. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if there was ever a time she had so much doody in her ass that it was impossible to dig out. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if she ever gets it on her finger. Wendy said yes and yes to smelling it. She said yes to everything he was asking about smelling it and if she thinks that Shuli might get it on his fingers.
Shuli asked her to demonstrate how her mom lays her down to change her. Howard figured she just stands up. Wendy said that's what she does.
Howard asked if Wendy has ever used a lottery ticket to wipe with. Wendy said yes. Robin asked if she's ever used a winning ticket. Wendy said yes and she said she'll turn it in too.
Wendy said that she was leaving and her cat didn't want her to go so she was climbing on her. Shuli said she thinks there's a cat thief in the neighborhood. Howard said maybe she should make sure they stay inside because they might just run away. Howard asked if she ever wipes with her Freddy shirt. Wendy said yes.
Howard asked if Wendy is a Trump supporter. Wendy said she is. Howard asked if that's because her mom listens to Rush Limbaugh. Wendy said it is. She said Trump says he'll change things and he'll be better than Obama because he messed up.
Howard told Wendy not to eat too much. He said she should have what he has for breakfast. Wendy said okay. Robin asked when they head back home. Shuli said they head back on Friday.
Wendy said she really, really... Howard sensed that something was going on. Howard said she might shit her pants. Wendy was laughing and she may have made doody. Wendy said she didn't make doody but she did pee a little bit. Howard said it's time for a diaper change Shuli. Fred played the Jaws theme music.
Howard said Wendy has something to ask. Wendy said she had a bunch of DVDs and some other stuff stolen from her. Howard said that means her mom threw them out. Wendy said she wishes that someone would give her money so she doesn't have to ask Howard for it anymore. Howard said normally he'd believe her but no matter what money she has she buys lottery tickets. Wendy said she would like to hang out with her fans and go shopping with them. Howard said he thought she was going to talk about starving Africans but she is only talking about herself. Wendy said she likes hanging out and going shopping. She wishes her fans lived in Florida. Wendy said she's jealous that Howard and Beth are together.
Wendy did an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. She said ''It's not a tumor'' and ''I'll be back.'' Howard asked her to do Freddy Krueger too. She did that. Howard said he heard she's in love with Jason Kaplan too. Wendy said she is and then she started laughing. Howard asked if she shit herself. Wendy said she did. Howard made her laugh more and Wendy said she was still shitting. Howard said he has to get a new couch before Hugh Grant gets there. Howard said Shuli has a job to do now. Howard let Wendy go after that. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard took a call from Wheels who asked if there's any way Jon Hein can test Wendy's sugar level. Howard said he is worried about her. Howard said she eats a tremendous amount of sugar and she's overweight. Wheels asked who is more overweight, her or Jason. Howard said Jason looks skinny next to her. Wheels said they should weigh them. Howard said it might not be proper to weigh her. Howard said she is a lady.
Howard said he has not watched any of the Olympics. Robin said that's a shame. Howard said he has a couple of show announcements. He said they have a clip from Seth Rogen's ''Sausage Party'' on HowardStern.com.
Howard said NBC is covering over 6,000 hours of Olympic coverage. Howard said it would take 281 days to watch all of that. Robin said they have so many channels that you don't know they own. Robin said they're all playing Olympics. Howard said he has missed it all. He said there was nothing to watch last night and he watched anything but the Olympics.
Howard said Wendy just put a sugar packet on the breakfast he eats every morning. Howard took a call from a guy who said the Wendy segment was great. He said she shit herself and that was hilarious.
Robin said the young women's gymnastics team was great. Howard said it is amazing what the human body can do. Howard played a clip of Wendy's breathing and then a song parody with her many noises in it.
Howard said he was watching this interview with Gisele Bundchen and how she walked out at the Olympics. Howard said that's all she did, walk. He said he has to go out and say funny things when he makes an appearance. Howard said it's like being in a movie and not having any lines. Howard said they were interviewing Gisele about her walking and she says she was nervous about it. Howard played a clip from an interview she did where she talked about how nervous she was. Howard said it's weird to him that someone would be nervous about walking.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they need to have a Wendy chair in the studio and have her sit next to Benjy. Howard said he heard that Gary has to leave early today and Wendy will take over for him. Howard said he asked her not to fall asleep during the show like Gary does.
Howard said he bets that guy regretted asking her to quiet down. Howard played more of the yelling and the transgender woman started yelling the ''Brownsville, nigga!'' line. Howard said this reminds him of where he grew up. He said he just backs away. He said he's street smart. Robin asked why anyone would stay there to eat. Howard said no one sits at those fucking tables. Memet said someone was that day. Howard said maybe it's like Dinner Theater for some people. Robin said it's like going to see Seigfried and Roy and you realize there's nothing between you and the tigers. Howard said that's right. He said they went to see that show and they were third row center. Howard said it's like Tony And Tina's Wedding. Howard said Memet should have started applauding. Memet said he wasn't looking for any attention.
Memet said there's a fast food restaurant where they have double plexiglass windows that you have to lift up to get your food. He said it's like being in prison. Howard asked where that Burger King is. Memet said it's in Harlem in the 140s.
Howard had another clip that Memet recorded on the subway. He had audio of someone yelling on the subway. The woman was yelling but it wasn't clear what she was yelling about. Howard said he also found a white woman yelling out the N-word on the subway. Memet said this woman was legitimately crazy. He said it was this woman and a hundred black people. He said he hoped no one thought he was with her because he was the only other white guy on the train. Howard played some audio of this woman talking about how she didn't mean to call her the N-word. Memet said that everyone was staring at her and he was just sweating. Howard asked what he did to record her. Memet said you just click it on and put it at your side so no one knows what you're doing.
Howard asked if it was scarier in the military or where he lives now. Memet said it was easy in the military so this is harder.
Memet said it's crazy on the subways. He said they'll stop at some stops for like a half hour. Howard said he and Robin used to see some crazy stuff on the subways too. He went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Hugh Grant is there and he has a new movie out called ''Florence Foster Jenkins'' with Meryl Streep. Howard said it's really him and he's really handsome. Howard said he was watching him on another show and he really is handsome. Robin said she passed him on a street one day and she thought he was perfect looking.
Howard said Hugh's movies combined have made $2.4 billion. Howard said they add up all of the grosses and that's an astronomical figure. Hugh said it must be dwarfed by what Howard has made. Howard asked if he ever looks at that and thinks he's box office gold. He asked if he can take pride in that. Hugh said that's all he can cling to. He said he's barely had a good review but the movies have made a lot of money.
Howard said he really liked the movie ''About a Boy'' and he was really good in it. Howard said it's a tough one to pull off. Howard said the arc is that he's a scummy guy who is hiding from life and then he becomes emotionally present for this young boy. Howard asked if he was upset he didn't win an award for that. Hugh said he was a little bitter with the British academy. He called them bastards.
Howard said at one point he was up for being the next James Bond. Howard asked if he thinks he's almost entitled to that. Hugh said that's a false rumor and they never spoke to him about that. He said he always thought he brought a natural menace to the screen. Howard asked if he ever thought that he'd be a star of romantic comedies. Hugh said he wasn't going for that but they were the best scripts he had at the time. Hugh said he character he played in Notting Hill was a little passive so he can see why it annoyed people.
Howard said he feels like his career wasn't something he pursued. Howard said his parents weren't show business people. Howard asked about his parents and found out his father was a soldier. He said his father would play it down so they never knew what it was really like. He said his grandfather was in 2 world wars and he escaped from a German prisoner of war camp. He said he kept getting recaptured. Howard asked how he gets out of a camp like that. Hugh said they were taken out to a field and they dug a grave and hid in it. They breathed through hose pipes until it was clear.
Howard asked if his father and grandfather looked at him like he was a pussy when he said he wanted to act. Hugh laughed and said they did. Howard asked if it was tough to come out doing that with those tough guys. Hugh said it was supposed to be a temporary job but one year turned into 35. Hugh said he went to Oxford and he was going to do something else but he was in a student film and some agents asked if he wanted to act and he said no thanks. He said he was appalling in the movie but they thought he was sellable. He said it was in the 80s and they thought they could sell this guy.
Howard asked Hugh about who he played when he was a kid in the school plays. He said he played a girl, one of the Von Trap daughters, in a play. He said that's a true story. Howard asked if his parents came to see the play. He asked why he went to an all boy's school. Hugh said that's just a thing they do over there. He said he would step out and say his lines with a London accent so he'd fit in with the other boys.
Howard asked if he wore a wig in the play. Hugh said one kid wore a very clingy outfit and he got a hard on up there so he had to be taken away.
Howard said his full name is Hugh Mongo John Grant. Howard said his name is Hugh Mongo. He asked if he ever asked what they were thinking with that. Hugh didn't say.
Howard said Hugh was in this movie Privileged in college. Howard said then the agents see him and want to represent him. Howard asked if that's when he started working. Hugh said he immediately got a job working with Mel Gibson and Anthony Hopkins in a movie. He said at the last minute he wasn't allowed to do it. Howard said he's fascinated by this. Hugh said he was banned by the union so he wasn't able to do it. He said he had to do regional theater first. He said he was so pissed off and went to get a union card by going to Knottingham and playing ''tree in wind'' and things like that.
Howard said Hugh had a problem laughing through his roles on stage. Hugh said they were so delighted when they got laughs and it was so thrilling that he'd laugh too. He said it was considered amateurish.
Howard said Hugh also wrote book reviews and wrote comedy sketches and things like that. He asked how he got to the big hit ''Four Weddings and a Funeral.'' Howard said he did some TV shows and things but how did he get that big break. Hugh said it was sheer luck. He said he called his agents saying they made a mistake sending him a good script. He said he only got bad scripts before that. Hugh said he had some decent moments in there. He did a mini series on TV that wasn't so great. Hugh said he did win an award so he had a little bit of a notice for that.
Howard asked Hugh about auditioning and if he hated doing that. Hugh said he never really had a problem doing it over in England. Howard said it must feel like a miracle when you get a part. Hugh said it is amazing and frightening. He said he was amazed he got that big part. He said it was at a Jim Henson building and he had Kermit sitting next to him on a bench. He said the guy he auditioned for hated him. He said he told him that. Hugh said they wanted a guy who wasn't great looking. He said they gave him the part and tried to make him look bad. He said they tried to give him the worst hair cut but it was something that people actually asked for.
Howard said the movie was made for 2.8 million pounds and they made 245 million pounds. Hugh said they say it never made a profit though. He said that's what the accountants say. Howard asked if he fired the agents at that time. Hugh said he fired his agent but not because of that. He said he saw his ass. He said they went to the Sundance film festival and his agent asked to use his bath. He said he was on his knees soaping himself vigorously and he saw it all. He said he fired him after that. Howard asked if he was ejaculating. Hugh said he was just excessively soaping.
Howard said the other interesting thing about ''Four Weddings and a Funeral'' Hugh thought it was a piece of shit. Howard said he was really down on it. Hugh said they all thought it was bad. Howard asked if he thought it might be good. Hugh said they thought they were losing the jokes in it. He said the director was taking things very seriously. He said his thing was to ground it and make people mean what they said and it worked even though it seemed weird at the time. Hugh said he was mortified when he saw it for the first time. They were all very sad about it.
Howard asked if it's a panic that happens when you go through all of that. Hugh said that you're seeing jokes you know after rehearsing and filming. He said the jokes aren't funny anymore. He said you have to watch it with an audience to know if they still work. He said they took the film to Los Angeles for a screening and people went nuts for it.
Howard asked Hugh about getting a Golden Globe for that and how he beat out a bunch of big stars. Hugh said that was mind boggling. Howard asked if he had a speech prepared. Hugh said the right answer is no but of course he did.
Howard said the thing about Hugh is that he's a perfectionist. He asked if he goes on through the night to get it just right. Hugh said he can be and he wants to do everyone's job. He said he should just back off. Howard said he's a nudge. Hugh agreed.
Howard said Hugh worked with Meryl Streep in this movie. He asked if he can take a scene over 500 times or does it turn into a fight. Hugh said he was way to scared to take her on so he was a kitten on that film. Howard asked if he asked for another take or was he afraid of asking for that from Meryl. Hugh said she's so good she doesn't need a second take. He said you're mesmerized by it. He said she's different in every take too.
Howard said the new movie is called ''Florence Foster Jenkins'' and it's out this Friday.
Howard asked Hugh about going on the Tonight Show and revealing he was with that hooker. He said Jay should have thanked him for giving him the huge ratings for that. Howard said everyone in this country is so uptight about this stuff. Hugh said they pretended to be upset about it.
Howard said he went on to do Sense and Sensibility and that was another big box office. Howard said they said that everyone was critical that he was too good looking. Howard said they thought he was too handsome for the part. Howard said that's his problem too. Howard said they look like opposites. Howard said they should remake Twins. Hugh said Howard has kind eyes. He said he would even say they're attractive. Howard said Hugh has very kind eyes.
Howard said he imagines that women were always attracted to Hugh. Hugh said he was a late developer. He said he didn't get pubic hair until he was about 40. He said he had to go to a camp and they had to see each other in the shower so he considered making a Merkin pubic wig.
Howard said he was going to pitch a movie. He said that they have the same mother and he's the one who is born when the mother has the Zika virus.
Howard said that Hugh did the Notting Hill movie and that was such a great movie. Howard asked if it was a good experience. Hugh said it was. Howard said it's the same team that did ''Four Weddings...'' Hugh said he heard the concept and he knew it was a home run. He said the guy who wrote it has good jokes. He said he genuinely falls in love a lot too. Hugh said he's an egomaniac himself. Howard asked if that's true. Hugh said the film works because it's authentic.
Howard asked if they got him for the film first. Hugh said his star was fading and they got Julia Roberts first. He said he was saying no to films for about 3 years. He said that he used to boast in interviews that he's not the best actor but he can pick great scripts. He said as soon as he started saying that he turned down a film that went on to be huge. He said he can't say what it was now because it will piss off the actor who took it.
Howard asked Hugh if he kicked himself for not taking the film. Hugh said he went to see the film and he was beating himself up over it. He said he still is. Howard asked if it could have been a game changer. Hugh said he wouldn't have been able to do it as well as the other actor did.
Howard asked Hugh what he does when he's not working. Hugh said he gets into politics. Howard said he's heavy into that kind of stuff. He said he admires that. He said in England the newspapers were hacking people's phones. He thought that he was hacked and came out about that. Hugh said that this was about hacking phones of people who were abducted and murdered. He said that they erased messages and it gave the parents false hope that their daughter was still alive. He said they also did it with terrorists. He said that it was that and the fact that they were allowed to do it with impunity. He said the cops looked the other way and the government was afraid of the newspapers. Howard said Hugh must have been pissed off about that. Howard asked why they targeted him. Hugh said it's anything that will sell and give them a story. He said it gave them a lead and they would go follow it up. Howard asked how he knew he was hacked. Hugh said it was after the event and they arrested a private detective who kept notes of all of the phones that were hacked.
Howard asked Hugh about being told to watch himself because they might kill him. Hugh said he was told not to do this because they are quite scary. He said he was on a big BBC show talking about this issue and the mother of two of his kids got a phone call telling her to tell him to shut up. Howard said his apartment was also broken into in 1995 on the order of the newspapers. Hugh said his car broke down in the middle of the countryside in the middle of winter. He said this guy started taking pictures of him. He said it turns out he was an editor at a paper and he offered him a lift. He said he was boasting about hacking phones and things while he was driving him. Hugh said he dropped in on the guy a few months later and recorded him and published it. He said it created a bit of a stir. Howard said that's very brave of him to do. Howard said he has a pretty great life and he doesn't have to take that on. Howard asked if he heard from friends who were thankful for that. Hugh said he did. He said that people didn't want to go near him.
Howard asked if things changed after that. Hugh said they got some laws changed but now the government is going back on it because they're still afraid of the newspapers.
Howard asked Hugh if he's still afraid for his life. Hugh said he's not for his life but the mother of two of his kids went out to get photographs of license plates and they tried to run her over. He said there is a violent air about these things. Howard said he would just leave. He said he'd get away as fast as he can.
Howard asked what it's like working with Woody Allen. Howard said he says that he's a hands off kind of director. Howard asked if he doesn't give notes. Hugh said that's right. He said he tried to call Woody about working on Small Time Crooks and he didn't give him any direction. Howard said he figured he'd be a control freak. Hugh said he did too but some of the best directors he's had are hands off.
Howard said Hugh did the Bridget Jones movie but then he walked away from it. Howard said he would stick with it as long as he could. Hugh said he would too but he didn't want to look foolish either so when it didn't work for him he walked away.
Howard asked if he has an agent now. Hugh said he does but for 4 years he didn't. He said for 4 years he had an email that was James Howeely and it was really just him reading the email. He said people wanted a relationship with James. He said once he took a call as James who had a Scottish accent in his mind. He said he did feel a bit guilty about doing that. He said that he'd sign off as Hugh in the email sometimes.
Howard said Jon Cryer wrote in his book that they were going to have Hugh Grant take over for Charlie Sheen on Two and a Half Men. Hugh said he wasn't signed up to do it. He said they did talk to him about it. He said they didn't have a script though. He said they wanted him to just trust them. Hugh said he was too scared to sign up without a script. Howard said that would have been interesting. Howard said they brought in Ashton Kutcher so was he interested in seeing that. Hugh said they created something different for him so it's hard to judge. He said the money was stratospheric. He said Simon Helberg is in ''Florence Foster Jenkins'' and he may have been patronizing to him. He said he's a much bigger star than him and he's a much richer man than him because he's in ''Big Bang Theory.''
Howard asked if he becomes friends with the people on the set. Hugh said he's had some friendships but it's strangely temporary usually. Howard asked if he thinks about falling in love with his co-stars and working with them in the future. Hugh said that you can have that on the set. He said he thinks hate translates well for a laugh. He said if you get along well it might be kind of flat. He said he's had some prickly relationships and it comes off well in the movie. Howard said that can be a misery if you're doing it for a few months.
Howard asked if he gets attached to Meryl Streep and bums out when he's not going to see her. Hugh said that you can get attached to the crew but some of them you hate and don't want to see. He said he actually likes the crew but he's hated some actors and they've hated him too.
Howard said Hugh really likes this movie ''Florence Foster Jenkins'' and that's why he's out promoting it. Howard said this is a true story. He said Meryl Streep plays a wealthy woman who wants to be an opera singer but she has no talent. Howard said Hugh's character plays a guy who wants to protect her. Howard said this reminds him of Pia Zadora. Howard said it's a similar story. Hugh said Meryl's character does it because she loves music and she wants to give back to the troops.
Howard said the director of this movie was like Woody Allen and he was very hands off. Howard asked how you know you're doing the right thing on the movie. He said that it must be tough. Hugh said that it can be. He said that Ang Lee is the opposite and he did a scene where they thought they did pretty well. Then they asked Ang Lee what he thought and he stared at the screen for a long time and then said ''Very... boring.'' He said he actually liked Ang after all of that.
Howard said Hugh has 4 kids. Robin asked if he ever got married. Hugh said he did not. He said his brother has a good marriage and it pisses him off. Howard asked if it's impossible to be monogamous. Hugh said he's not sure human beings are supposed to be in 40 year long relationships. He said that's not a good idea. Howard said he promotes romance though. Hugh said he admires the French and Italians who take their marriage very seriously but they have an understanding that there may be other people who show up at 5 in the afternoon. He said it's an understanding. He said you are capable of loving more than one person. Howard said a lot of women want marriage. He asked if he tells the women that he doesn't believe in it. Hugh said he can't imagine anything that sounds more arrogant or appalling.
Howard gave Hugh some plugs and said if he was married to this woman Florence he'd be annoyed. Hugh said his character encourages her. He said he just wants to support her. He said his character is a penniless failed actor so he has to keep her delusional world going. Howard asked if he will go see this movie with an audience. Hugh said he won't be here to do that but he has done it.
Howard asked if Hugh obsesses over the box office. Hugh said he does think about it. Howard asked if he will just get out if this doesn't do well. Hugh said if you're not in a show biz town no one cares. He said you don't want to be in a show biz town when the numbers matter.
Howard thanked Hugh for coming in. Hugh said he's been a listener for many decades. Howard said he didn't think he'd listen. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard asked if he would ever do TV. He said it's really getting better. Hugh said he knows that but he likes cinema. He said he really only watches motor racing on TV. Howard asked if he's racing himself. Hugh said he is. He said he is frightened of crashing. He said he knows it's responsible. He said he has 4, 3, 3 and 0 year olds. He said it's like 9 months old. He said he knows it's irresponsible to do as a parent. Howard asked if he races professionally. Hugh said he races against other fat, middle aged men. Howard said he's in good shape though. Hugh said he was fat shamed the other day in the British papers. Howard said he must love getting the ''Man tits'' comments. Hugh said he did look awful. He said the headline was ''Four Bellies and a Turkey Neck.'' He said that's a paper he's been at war with for 5 years. Howard asked if he loves to eat. Hugh said he loves to drink. He said it's beer. He said that it gives you the ''Moobs.''
Howard asked if he's upset about the whole Brexit thing. Hugh said he can see both sides of it but they're nuts for doing it. Howard asked if they're taxed high over there in England. Hugh said it's actually about the same as it is here in the U.S.
Howard asked about music and what he thinks is good. Hugh said he should play Lawrence. He said they play the blues. He said he is friends with a couple of the guys in the band. Howard asked Fred if he can find it. Fred was looking for them but he didn't find it.
Howard asked if Hugh likes going around promoting. Hugh said it's good when people like the film. Howard gave him some more plugs for ''Florence Foster Jenkins.''
Howard asked if the movie he passed on was ''The King's Speech.'' Hugh said he has no answer for him. Howard said that's a good guess, right. Hugh said he doesn't know about that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. They played Foo Fighters performing ''Times Like These'' in the Howard Stern show studio and a Tan Mom voicemail for Sal as they went to break.
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Howard said they had quite a show today. Robin said they had Wendy and Hugh Grant. Howard said Gary had to leave so Wendy will be producing the show. Wendy tested Gary's microphone out. Wendy said this job is so fuckin' easy. She said even an asshole can do it. Wendy said Gary is a dope. Howard said it sounds like the guys are feeding her lines. Wendy said that's how it goes Howard.
Howard said they had a busy show and Shuli said that Wendy is kind of ripe right now. Howard said she got some cupcakes and some frozen White Castle burgers. Wendy said she got grapes too. She said she loves grapes. She asked if they have mayonnaise that she can dip them in. Howard said Shuli said he thinks she may have made a mess in her diaper. Wendy said she did. Howard asked if she prefers to sit or stand after shitting her diaper. Wendy said sit. She said she won't sleep like Gary though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan and he's been listening for the past year. Howard said he's a new listen. Howard said they still get new ones after all these years.
Howard took a call from a guy who said only Howard can have a show where Wendy and Hugh Grant are on the show at the same time. Howard said he's pitching a movie with both of them in it. Howard asked Wendy if she's up for it. Wendy said yes. The caller said he grew up in North Merrick in a CP center mopping the floors at night. He said he knows what Howard's life was like out there. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard said he grew up in Roosevelt Long Island and they had a CP center there too. He said he volunteered there and it was very traumatic. He said the caller is reminding him about that.
Robin started her news with a story about the highest earning radio show hosts. Howard said people read these articles and they're all wrong. Robin said they say Howard Stern is number 1. Howard asked who deserves it more than him. Robin read some of the details and Howard tried to take a call to get out of it. Robin kept going though and read more about the top earners in radio. Howard said it's a weird thing with radio. He said most guys make nothing because it's an awful business. He said the list is very misleading. Robin said the person writing it says it's all white males at the top of the list. Howard asked how many podcasters are on the list. Robin said none. Howard said that's his point. He started to go off on that but he said he doesn't need the aggravation.
Robin read a story about a 36 year old woman and a 19 year old guy who don't want to be separated but they are mother and son. Robin said they might go to prison over this. Robin said he was given up for adoption when he was born but they got back in touch and started a relationship. Howard said he can't put it down because he fucked his mom for years. He did an impression of his mom talking to him about that. Robin said this woman has 8 other kids. Howard did more of his mom talking about their sex. Robin said the son is called ''daddy'' by the other kids in the house. Howard did more of his mom talking about their sexual encounters. He had her talking about how he spent a lot of time on her breasts and he would make her squirt with his nose. She said her bush looks like Howard's hair. Howard had his dad get on and ask what they were talking about. His mom told him nothing and got back to telling stories. Howard had his mom and dad going back and forth with stories. Howard had his dad saying he taught him how to give blow jobs. Howard asked Wendy if she likes this part of the show. Wendy said yes. She said she found Gary's to-do list but there's nothing on it. She said there are post it nots everywhere. She asked if Gary is retarded Howard said he wonders that sometimes.
Robin read more about the mom and son relationship story. Howard asked if the mom has face tattoos. Robin said she's not sure. She hasn't seen pictures.
Howard took a call from a guy, Balls, who said he thought the Hugh Grant interview was pretty interesting. He liked the story he told about why he fired his agent. Howard said that's how show business works. It's very interesting.
Robin read a story about a couple who were married 63 years and died 20 minutes apart. Howard said he doesn't like to think about these things. Howard said he's lucky to still have his parents at their age. Howard said they wouldn't do well without each other. Howard said they fill each other's holes so to speak. Robin read about this couple and how they were in side by side beds in a nursing home. Robin said the son told his dad that mom went to heaven and he could go too. He looked at his wife and died minutes later. Howard said that's wild. He said that would be a great ending to a Hugh Grant movie. Wendy told Howard she found a pillow under the desk. She said it must be for Gary to sleep. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked what he thought of the Bachelorette finale. Howard said he didn't get that guy Robbie but this guy made sense. Howard said he and his wife watched that show and spent a lot of time on it. He said Beth didn't watch the finale. Howard said he must have sounded like a man who isn't a man. Howard said he told Beth what happened and how it went down. Howard said he doesn't think this will last long. Howard said the guy is too good looking. Robin said it looks like he had a huge cock. Howard said of course he noticed that. Howard said he paused it and took a picture.
Robin asked if Howard had the conversation with his kids about sex. Howard said he didn't. He said the mother handles that. Robin said now the conversation is about drinking. Robin said that parents are being warned about telling their kids about the effects of drinking in college. Howard said he feels he sets a good example. He said when the kids were young they didn't drink at all. Howard said he had some drinks once and his kids thought he was an alcoholic. Howard said he sets an example for the kids. He said he's not good at the drug talk. He said he might turn them on to drugs. Howard said he doesn't think his kids are real drinkers or druggies. Howard said someone should talk to Richard about his drinking.
Robin read a story about a sandwich shop employee who is accused of putting meth into a sandwich an officer purchased. Robin said he was immediately impaired and now the guy is under arrest. Howard said he hates people who slip things to people. He said he hates the pot brownie stories too where people don't know about it. Howard said he hates that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Wendy is all hopped up on Mountain Dew. Wendy said that was a nice read. Robin said she's being nice to him but not the rest of the crew. Wendy said Robin might be next.
Robin read a story about how people are snapping up sports bras that can hold a knife or pepper spray. Robin said they're called Booby Trap Bras. Robin said the sales have spiked 86 percent after the murder of a woman in Brooklyn last week. Howard asked if Wendy wears a bra. Wendy said yes. She said she wears a sports bra. She jogs too. She said she jogs to McDonald's. Howard laughed. Wendy asked what the hell is so funny. Howard said nothing and moved on.
Robin read a story about Delta still having delays and problems with their flights. Robin said they are offering refunds and discounts of $200 for people who were stranded.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they'll ever get Howard TV back. He said he'd love to see them again and see Wendy shitting her pants. Howard asked if Wendy changed her diaper. Wendy said she did change it but it's not clean now. She said she's too busy producing the show. She said that was a stupid question. Howard told the caller to stay tuned and they'll have news eventually. He said things are in the works.
Robin read some news about the Olympics. She had some details on how our athletes are doing. Howard said he sees that about 9 million people are watching each night. Robin said that's pretty good. Howard said it is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he heard that Tom Petty wrote ''The Last DJ'' about him. Howard said that's true. The caller said he thought that was true. Howard said if you listen closely you can hear them say Howard Stern in the background. Howard said Tom did tell him that and he appreciated that. Howard said it's actually about him and Human Newman. Howard asked who it's actually about. Fred said Jim Ladd. Wendy said she's half Human Newman. Howard laughed and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read more Rio Olympics news. Howard asked why Jim Ladd got a song written about him. Fred had some details that he read about Jim Ladd. Howard said he wishes he had a song written about him. Robin asked about the crackpots who write songs for the show. Howard said he wants someone else to write a song. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Michael Phelps winning another gold medal last night. Robin asked how many Howard thinks he has won total in his carer. Howard said he will say 9,000. Robin said that's too high. Robin said it's actually 21. Howard said that's not even close to 9,000. Robin had some audio of Michael Phelps talking about his win.
Robin read about how the water in the diving pool at the Rio Olympics turned green and they're trying to figure out why. Robin said the water in the polo pool was still blue. Robin said they claim it doesn't pose any risks to the athletes. Howard said that's weird. Howard said they have Zika and now green water to worry about.
Robin read a story about a woman who was shot during a role playing class. Robin said she was shot in this class with about 35 people in it. Robin said they didn't change the ammunition to blanks from live rounds. Robin had some audio of an official talking about what happened. Robin said the police officer was playing a bad guy and he wasn't supposed to have real ammunition in the gun.
Robin read a story about a person who was shot at a gun range. Robin said he accidentally shot himself in the chest while cleaning his gun. Robin said that seems to be one of the most dangerous times to be around guns.
Robin read about how a 11 newborns were killed in a fire in Baghdad last night. Wendy told Robin to get back to comedy. Robin said she's just doing the news.
Robin read a story about how Hillary Clinton is calling for more money to fight the Zika virus. Robin had some audio of Clinton talking about that.
Robin said that the NFL wants Adele to perform at the Super Bowl next year and they're doing everything they can to get her. Fred played some of Robin singing Adele's hit song ''Hello.''
Robin read a story about what Donald Trump said about how the second amendment people might be able to do something about Hillary Clinton's policies. Robin said she doesn't think that he actually said anything but people are saying he was calling for violence. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about the comment he made. Robin had some other news about Trump that she went through.
Robin read a story about Christie Brinkley and John Mellencamp breaking up. Wendy gave that story a ''Wah!'' Howard said Wendy would have sex with him. Wendy said she would. Wendy said the whole office smells like green teeth and shrimp farts. She said someone asked her to write a book and she said ''no, I have a job.'' She also said ''Fuck you Gary!'' She said she just shit in his office. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
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Here are the segments they replayed today:
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
Today's show was over around 11:15am.