Howard started the show talking about how he stopped drinking coffee. He said he wants to go back to it. He was all charged up for the show when he was drinking. He said he stopped drinking it to help his throat issue. Robin said that he should start doing it on the weekends.
Howard said like the Tony Awards he wants to make a statement. He said he's so angry about this guy shooting people up in Orlando. Howard said the FBI investigated the guy twice and didn't throw him out. Robin said he was born here so you can't throw him out. Howard said these people have to tone down the gay rhetoric. Howard asked what you can say. He said it just sucks. Howard said it used to be crazy people killing themselves but now everyone goes out a martyr. Howard said now it's an epidemic. Robin said he was definitely nuts.
Howard said he was reading about this whole thing going down and the ex-wife is hot. He said she had to be taken away from this nut. Robin said that they met online. Howard said this guy was dating a model. Robin said she's not sure when she moved to Florida to marry him but it was all done online. Howard said pussy comes to even the most savage of beasts.
Howard said that guy's ex-wife wasn't able to find a man. Howard said when he sees a picture of a chick like that he thinks it's a dude or something. Robin said she saw a picture of her online and she was very beautiful. Howard said they say the guy would beat her for not doing the wash. Robin said he didn't let her talk to her parents so that's why they took her away.
Howard asked if they met on Terrorist Singles. Howard said it's a mess. He said a lot of people lost their lives. Howard said he told Robin not to go out to clubs. He said she has to stay sequestered. Robin said she was thinking about how he's right about that.
Howard said he was going to stay up last night and watch Game of Thrones but he ended up watching a show where these Aboriginal people get super powers. He said it turned out to be really boring. He said he was asleep by 8:30. Robin said Game of Thrones was really good last night. Robin said sometimes you have to watch it twice to figure out what's going on.
Howard said he's trying to figure out which chick is the hottest on the show. He said that it might be that one chick and described her to Robin. Robin said that's Sersi. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said the Khaleesi is hot too. He spent a minute talking about her and her people.
Howard asked how he got on Game of Thrones. Robin said he was talking about falling asleep. Howard said that's because he's home and never goes out. Howard said our society is so free that people are going out killing each other. Howard said his parents never leave the house either. Howard said they taught him at a young age to stay home. Howard said they were all in the house when he was growing up. Howard said you step outside it's dangerous. Howard said we are sheep and there are wolves surrounding the flock. He said the sheep dogs are protecting us. Howard said they can't protect everyone though. Howard said you have to become one yourself.
Howard said that there was an off duty officer working at that club and he pushed the guy into the back. Howard said he doesn't know the whole story but he may have prevented even more killings. Howard said you really don't know.
Howard said it's so sad. He said the anti-gay rhetoric is getting worse. Howard said this guy was set off seeing a couple of guys kissing. Howard said it's none of your business what other people are doing. Howard said there is such hatred around the world. Howard said even the big 3 religions here have a lot of anti gay stuff. Howard said you have to get with it. He said it's enough already with the old school stuff. Robin said just let God take care of it.
Howard had Gay Ramone on the phone. Howard asked who is gayer than him. He said he's got gay in his name. Ramone said they're going to find gay porn when they dig into this guy's stuff. He said he was probably a self hating gay man. Ramone started to cry talking about the shootings. Ramone said that he stays home too. He said he's in North Carolina and he's afraid to go anywhere. Howard asked what he's doing there. Ramone said his boyfriend brought him down there.
Ramone said Trump is the solution. He said it should be Trump/Stern. Howard said he hasn't gotten that call yet. He said he's highly insulted. Ramone said they're going to find that this guy was a self hating mother fucking faggot. He said his father is some piece of work too.
Ramone said when he came out he was liberated. He said Howard was the one who liberated him. Howard asked Memet to send Ramone a penis picture to cheer him up.
Howard asked if he has tried the man bun out on the street. Memet said he has. He said it's not a good one yet because his hair isn't long enough. Howard asked if he'll send Ramone that dick pic. Memet said sure. He said he has gotten pictures from him spreading his ass. He said he is flattered by the attention.
Howard asked how Memet's dating life is. Memet said it's getting back to being good. He said he's been dating the same girl for a couple of weeks now. He said he's 29 and she's 27. Howard said he heard he was with a 40 year old. Memet said that was just one night. He said he doesn't like one night stands. He said the girls are the ones who do that.
Howard picked up on Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression asking Memet for a penis picture too. Howard asked George about the Tony Awards last night and George said that Brad had to suckle him.
Howard asked Memet if he started masturbating at 8 years old. Memet said he did. He said she learned to hump things early on. Howard asked how often he does it now. Memet said on the weekends he can do it a bunch. Howard said he had sex with Beth yesterday and he masturbated later in the day. Memet said maybe masturbating early helps so he doesn't need Viagra now. Sour said that you have to keep it elongated. He said you have to keep it lubricated too.
Sour said Robin sounds much better this morning. Howard said she is back to full force. Sour was still doing his Takei impression and joking around with Memet. He had bongo music playing behind him the whole time. Howard asked him for a song about Memet. Sour, as George, made up a song for him. Howard said Memet looks like a young prince with that hair. George talked about how he's thinking about him running through an open field running nude. Howard said he has plenty of hair to grab on to. George laughed.
Robin asked about the dick pic and if you do it flaccid or not. Memet said you never do it flaccid. He said especially if you're him. Memet said that there are certain angles where it looks bigger than others. Howard said what he does is give himself a full erection and then tell people it's flaccid. George sang another song to Memet about dreaming about his bunghole. He said he'd like to take him to San Pedro. He told Howard what he would do with Memet there.
Howard asked Memet about sending the dick pic to that guy who was cat fishing him. Memet said it was his whole penis. He said his face was not in it. He said he just showed his cock. He said no balls either. He said it was facing downward. Howard said he did it Anthony Weiner style.
Howard thanked George for the call and asked for one more song for Memet. George sang a song about whipping it out. Howard thanked him and let him go.
Howard asked Memet about his grandmother still hating him. Memet said she brings him up at the old age home. He had another clip of her talking about how dirty his show is. She said it's some sort of mental defect he has. Memet said she may have seen one TV show in the 90s and she wrote Howard off. In the clip Memet was talking about how he's known as one of the best interviewers ever and she was saying he should retire. Memet said she seems to think he'd be better off without a job.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't think 8 years old is that young to be jerking off. Howard said nothing came out at that age. Memet said you got the orgasm without the cumming. The caller said there's a reason they call a man bun a bitch handle. He said that he can't believe he spent 23 years in the military defending his right to get in touch with his feminine side. Memet said he was in the military too. He asked the caller if he's getting laid. The caller said he is ever night. Memet said many of these guy's wives are following him on Twitter. He asked if this caller's wife is. The caller kept talking about the bitch handle.
Howard asked Memet if he's really going to go with the man bun. Memet said he might but it's a few months off. He said he's not sure he'd wear it there.
Howard said Memet is doing pretty good getting laid. Memet said he gets a lot of dirty things from women on Facebook and Twitter. He said that guys should check their wive's accounts.
Howard said Memet was talking about how he prematurely ejaculates. Howard said he used to get one stroke and finish. He said then 10 minutes later it was 3 strokes and he'd finish. Memet said he beats off first and it doesn't help. Howard said it's like nothing. Howard said women don't know how good it feels. Robin said you have to think about something else other than how good it feels. Howard said he has tried that but then you lose your erection. Memet said that they say you can train yourself. Robin said you have to distract yourself about how good it feels.
Howard said he had a girl who was so sexual that he took into bang and he put his penis in and he came. He said he was drunk too. He said it should have slowed him down. Howard said he waited 10 minutes and he wanted to show the power of Stern. He said 10 minutes later he stroked once and then again and he came. He said he was in his 40s at the time. Howard said he was so ashamed. Howard said he woke up the next day and wanted to bang her proper. He said it didn't happen. Howard said he never saw her again. Howard said she was so hot though. He said he can hold out longer but you have to give him a chance. Memet said when he did that he just said he had to go. He said she wasn't asking him to stay either.
Memet said he tries to get in touch with that 40 year old again after that. He said he sent her a sexy picture of himself. Howard said there's no such thing as a sexy picture of a dude. Howard asked what the picture was. Memet said he has it in his phone. Howard said this is too good. He told the guys to bring in the phone. Howard said the woman is on the phone now. Howard picked up on ''Nancy'' which was a dude talking about Memet cumming all over the place and making a mess with her.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks it's weird cumming and then asking to do it again to find a rhythm. Robin said that wouldn't be so weird.
Memet got his phone and said he's not sure he wants to show the picture. Howard said he wants to see it. Memet said he doesn't want to show it. Howard told him to just show it to him. Howard took a look and said he looks ridiculous. Howard said Memet thinks he looks cute but it's such a gay picture. Howard said it's not a good picture. Howard asked if he's losing his hair. Memet said he's not. Howard said it looks thin. Memet said it's not. Howard said guys don't know what girls like. Robin said it was a goofy picture. She said if that had happened why would he be sending her a shirtless picture. Robin said it's no wonder he's premature. Howard told him to send it to Gay Ramone. Memet said he's never sending it to anyone.
Howard picked up on Sour Shoes again and he was doing his George Takei voice again. He said he's very close to finishing and he's not even using his hands. Memet said this has been fun. Howard asked if he's in a relationship. Memet said he's dated a girl a few times and that's a big thing for him. Howard said they should post her picture online to take a poll. George said he has a pole right now. Sour was doing the George laugh and had Howard laughing at that.
Howard asked Memet if he broke it off with the new girl. Memet said they're not over. Howard asked if he came early with her. Memet said he hasn't slept with her yet. He said that might be why she didn't leave him yet. Howard said he should have her blow him first. He said that might help. George said that all signs are pointing in the direction where he might be ready to bat for the other team. Howard said George banged some chicks. George said he did bang some of the Star Trek women. Howard let George go after that.
Howard said Memet sounds like he's back in the saddle. He asked how they met. Memet said they met on Tinder. Howard got a note saying that he makes the girl buy him a drink. Memet said that he always gets laid if he acts like a jerk and makes them buy him a drink. He said if he's the nice guy he doesn't get anything. Memet said advice online says be a jerk. He said that girls shouldn't let guys treat them like that but they do. Howard asked if Robin believes this. Robin shook her head. Memet said that he acts like he's completely unimpressed when he meets a hot chick on Tinder. He said that he'll act like a jerk and not fawn all over her and it works.
Howard said he heard he's on 8 dating apps. Memet said he is on them all. He mentioned some of the apps he uses. He said he's not sure how to approach women in real life. He said that he knows people at home think he's an asshole. Howard said he gets it.
Howard said Memet's penis is on the phone. Memet's Penis said he came 3 times already during this call. He came a fourth time as he was finishing up the call.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a Marine and his wife thinks guys who have man buns take it up the ass. Memet said that he hears the opposite from women online. He said he bets his wife would say different if she was on the phone. The caller said no way.
Howard asked to see what the man bun would look like. Memet said his hair isn't long enough but he tried it. Robin said she liked the hair before. Howard said he looks at him now and he looks more feminine. Memet said he's heard that before he had longer hair. Howard said he's a good looking dude. Howard said there's no problem there. Memet said he's going to do the man bun but not there. He said Howard will never see it. He said they'll all hate on him. Howard said he's just trying to help.
Howard said he should try the spray they have for premature ejaculation. Howard said he's like that too. Howard said he can have a nice rhythm going with his wife but he remembers women he was embarrassed with. He said that they were the first and second times with them.
Memet said he's good for maybe 20 strokes with the girls he's been with. He said he wrote back to that one 40 year old and he never got anything back. He said she may have been closer to 50. He said she was very hot though. Howard said he doesn't think he would have done that when he was in his 20s. Howard said he was in a relationship in his 20s. He said that was it.
Howard asked what the 40 year old wore on the date. Memet said it was a dress showing a lot of titty. Howard said that Ronnie named New York City ''Titty City.'' Memet said that the green light is when the woman invites you to a bar near their apartment. Memet said he knew he was in. Memet said he offers to walk them home from the bar. He said what he always says is lets meet for a quick drink. He said that he wants to give himself an out. Howard asked Memet how that all works. Memet said that you hit it off and drink for a couple of hours and then have 5 minutes of sex. Howard asked if it's a crazy sex thing where clothes are being ripped off. Memet said it wasn't like that. He said that they did go right to the bedroom though. He said she was in great shape too. He said she had abs. He said she was trimmed down but not shaved. Howard said he doesn't like that. Howard said Memet just got on top of her and finished.
Howard asked Memet what he said to the woman when he finished quick. Memet said he just made a noise like ''Ohuh...'' Howard said he should have just said he'd regroup and do it again. Memet said he was too embarrassed. He said he just let it go. Robin said she probably went on another date after that. Memet said she lost his number after that. Howard said after doing that he must have sounded like JD. Howard said he thinks he's done with him now. He let Memet go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they had a rough week this week with Bernie Sanders. He said they're going to do it one way or another. He asked Howard what he would do if he didn't want to change things as he was coming up. He said Bernie is out to change the system. Howard said he lost. The caller said he's going to change the system. Howard said he won't be president. Howard said he didn't get the votes. The caller said people in power are saying that. Howard said he has to get over it. He said he can't win. The caller said he works hard every day and it's not over. He said Ralph Nader has run every time for years and he thinks Bernie can do it. The caller said he doesn't think the republicans are going to let Trump in. Howard hung up on the guy saying he's annoying.
Howard said that Bernie Sanders called his dad the other night. He played a bit the guys put together with fake Bernie clips and some Ben Stern clips.
Howard said there's a little comedy for you. He said he had to take a break but he should have taken 3 already. He said he doesn't care though. He said he may skip them all and just keep talking. Howard said Memet is just too fascinating. He said he wasn't able to take a break. They went to break after that.
Howard said the Sammy Hagar book is really good. Howard said he's not profiting from this so he's just giving his opinion. Howard said he didn't get into the band he formed after Van Halen. Howard said he's making a mint from that Tequila company he has. Howard said the book was fascinating. He said he loved the craziness of Van Halen. Howard said he's sure Eddie's version would be much different.
Howard said he was reading about how Sammy used to start going to Cabo before Cabo really took off. Howard said Sammy would go there and he loved it so much. Howard said he thought it was a cool thing so he wanted to start a cool club. He said he stared the Cabo Wabo cantina. Howard said he does a lot of things like that. Howard said he kept his hands in business outside of rock. Howard said he had Fuck You Money. Howard said Eddie and Alex Van Halen heard about this and got upset that they weren't involved. Howard said they wanted in. He said Sammy agreed to put them into it so he did it. Howard said they all chipped in and then the thing didn't do so well so the guys got upset. He said Sammy pays them back and he keeps working it and then it takes off. Howard said it became a huge thing in the 80s. Howard said the Van Halen boys think that he was ripping them off and made it do poorly just to get them out.
Howard said the guys told him he can't talk about Cabo Wabo anymore so he gets a huge tattoo to show when he's on stage. Howard said he franchised the whole thing out even though he didn't want to get into that. Howard said he's making a ton of dough from all of that. Howard said the book was really good. He said he never would have started reading it without the Kindle. Howard said he even started listening to Chickenfoot. Howard said he liked some of their stuff. Fred played one called Up Next. Fred played a couple more and found one called ''Oh Yeah'' and that's the one Howard liked. Howard said they have Joe Satriani in the band playing guitar. Howard let that play for a short time.
Robin said she was watching a bunch of documentaries last week. Robin said she was watching one about Jocko Pistorius. Howard said that he was in that band Weather Report. Howard had Fred play one of their songs called Birdland. Howard said that Jocko guy isn't alive anymore. Robin said he was killed. Robin talked about how he played with Joni Mitchell. Howard said he's no Buzzy Linhardt. That led to Howard having Fred play some Joni Mitchell music. Howard said she went out and got all jazzy. He said people don't know when they have it good. Robin said artists have to grow. Howard said not him. Fred played a Joni Mitchell song and Howard quickly told him to shut it off. Howard said Memet with his man bun went to listen to that.
Howard said that his wife wanted to see Hamilton but he's praying they don't get tickets. Howard said she has friends working on it. Howard said his fingers are crossed that they don't have to go. Robin said he'd love it. Howard said he's praying to Jesus now that they don't get tickets. Howard said he'd rather be handcuffed to Benjy in a basement. Howard said James Corden came out and did the opening song about wanting to be in the theater as a kid. Howard played some of that. Howard said he'd be good in theater because you can just kind of make words up if you forget them. Howard played more examples of the music from some of the musicals. Howard goofed on what he heard and then had Fred play some music that he could make up lyrics to. Howard sang about coming to work every day. Fred threw in some tap dancing sound effects as Howard was singing. He sang about Memet's man bun and just kept going making up the song as he went along. Howard sang about Memet cumming too fast and how his producer looks like a monkey's ass. He sang about it being a beautiful day and goofed on Benjy too. Howard told Fred to turn that shit off after that.
Howard played more clips from different plays. Howard was singing along. Howard said they don't seem like real songs. He said it's just people saying shit over music. Howard said Beth wants to torture him by taking him to these things. Robin said Hamilton is hip hop. Howard sighed and said he really doesn't want to go. Howard played a song from Hamilton. He didn't sound happy. Robin said he will like it so he should see it.
Howard played a song from Spring Awakening. Robin said that play was beautiful. Howard goofed on the song and then played a song about Baba Booey to a Hamilton song. Robin laughed when she heard that. Howard said he likes that. He said that was Daniel Mendelson.
Howard had a clip of the guy from Hamilton, Lin-Manuel Miranda, accepting a Tony last night. Howard said he does it in a sonnet. Howard said he says he's too old to freestyle. Howard said he hates freestyle anyway. Howard let that clip play and said he thought it was only supposed to be like 14 lines. He said he hates history. He said he likes to look forward. He said he thinks you don't learn anything from looking back.
Howard said Claire Danes came out and announced some plays and they all sounded more depressing than the last. Howard played a clip of her doing that. Howard said they were about dementia and sex slaves. Howard made up one about a 9/11 responder who gets AIDS after someone in his family is killed in a house fire.
Howard said he likes super her movies. He said he wants to have fun. He said he's depressed enough. He played more of Claire Danes reading about the different plays. Howard said he can't even follow this. He made up more horrible stories to make plays about. Howard said this is all of the shit they can't get into the movies because no one would go see it. Robin said that's not true. Robin told Howard that Other People's Money was a play. Howard said he didn't see that either.
Howard said he loves movies. He said he was asked to be in another movie. He said he has to think about it. Howard said it's a supporting role. He said we'll see. He said he thinks he's too lazy to go do it. Howard said Beth was all excited about going to go to a movie premier. Howard said that's all fun unless you have to work in it. Howard said that he can't talk about the movie except to say that he gets eaten by a shark. Howard asked Benjy about the Sharknado movie and if the new one is coming out soon. Benjy said it's coming out July 31st. He said he's in a bunch of scenes with Stacy Dash. Howard asked if he gets eaten. Benjy said he's not sure. He said he thinks Stacy dies in a different way. Howard asked how you don't know. Benjy said he doesn't think they do. He said she gets killed by a house. Howard said it's so hard to talk to Benjy.
Howard said Stacy Dash was talking about how transgender people should pee in a bush instead of bathrooms. He said she was hot in Clueless. Howard said she was in her prime. Howard said she still looks good. Howard said he'd bang her. Howard said he would bang all of those FOX News chicks. Howard said he doesn't care if they're conservative and won't get abortions. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said in this one he calls a black religious show. Howard played the call where the guys used clips of him asking the host how often he beats off and if he beats off to Melania Trump or Caitlyn Jenner. The host sounded stumped. They had Howard asking about cumming and fingering his own asshole too. The host kept him on the line and kept answering questions. They eventually hung up on him and talked about these ignorant white boys making calls like that.
Howard said he wants to mention that last week there was a rumor about Richard Simmons converting to a woman. Howard said they said he was transitioning. Howard said they say that his name as a woman is Fiona. Howard said later in the day his representative said he's got a masculine beard now and he's not a woman. Howard said then he was thinking he was transitioning to be a man. Howard said maybe he was a woman and now he's going to be a man. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with that. Robin said she hasn't heard anything either.
Howard said someone fucked with his audio book so he has some quick clips to play. He had one of Richard saying he's sick of his sausage and sick of his nuts. He had another one where Richard said he would give it a try cutting off his sausage and nuts.
Howard said that he's not sure what's going on with Richard. He said he really wants to know. Howard played more clips of Richard talking about doing weird stuff like putting tatas on his chest and being worried about chopping off his chubby pickle. Howard asked if he could be an attractive woman. Robin said she's sure with the right makeup. Howard said makeup is the key.
Howard said they were all pumped up about the revelation but then they heard it wasn't true from his representative. Howard said if he was going to come up with a name it would be something like Ramona. Howard said Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn. Howard said he wouldn't stick with the H if he changed gender. Howard said he would pick a feminine name. Howard said it would be like Robin or something like that. Howard asked if she likes her name. Robin said Fiona is a very feminine name. Howard said what about Ophelia. Robin said he can take that one. Howard said he's going to be Clitorious. Robin said that he could be Vagine.
Howard played some audio of Memet out on the street asking people what they think about the Richard Simmons news. He found a few people who said you don't change gender and he should just stay the way he is.
Howard said they even got a song parody in about Richard. Howard said he has to take another break and pee. Fred told him to do a live and then he'll have time to pee. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she herd them talking about Memet and Tinder. She said she's 49 and she'll be 50 in July and she's with young guys all week. She said she's told she looks 30. Howard asked if she put a realistic picture on Tinder. She said they're normal pictures. Howard said the guy isn't being sold a bill of goods. She said not at all. She said she's honest. Howard said he'd bang her if she had a time machine. The caller said he'd bang her now. Howard said he wants to see a picture. Gary said she can send it to email@example.com
Howard asked if she can send it now. She said she has to put him on hold and go through her phone. Howard told her not to bother. Robin said she can do that with an iPhone. Howard asked if she still gets wet at 49. She said of course. Robin said she was still able to even after menopause. Howard said he didn't know that. Howard said he thought that she didn't get lubricated. Robin said it was a nutritional thing. Howard asked what Robin ate to get wet. Robin said it was vegetables.
Howard asked the caller if the guys she's with are able to keep going with her. She said one 20 year old kept getting soft. She said a lot of guys brag but they're not that good. Howard asked if she dresses all sexy. She said she doesn't. She said she wears jeans and a shirt. Howard asked if she has a thong on. She said they're sexy panties and a sexy bra. Howard asked if her vagina smells good. She said she knows it does because she masturbates. Howard asked how she can tell that way. She said you know. She said she'll smell her finger or lick it sometimes. Howard sounded grossed out when she said she licks it.
Howard asked the caller to send a picture. She was working on it. Howard said he bets she looks like what Richard Simmons would look like as a woman. Howard asked why her marriage didn't work out. She said it was lots of reasons. She said her husband had a bad personality. Howard said guys do have bad personalities for the most part.
Howard asked how long these guys have to sext her before they get in her pants. She said it depends on how it all works out. She said sometimes it's just a day. Howard asked what she looks like, Meg Ryan? The caller said she's been told Marissa Tomei. She's only 5 feet tall. Howard said that's too small. Howard said he sees girls that small and her leg is smaller than his arm. Howard said that's weird.
Howard asked if the picture came through. Gary said it did and they're printing it out now. Howard asked what she's wearing now. She said she's wearing sweat pants. Howard said this picture is really blurry. Howard said she has a nice body. Gary said you can see she has a nice body but you can't tell with the face. Howard said he doesn't care so much about the face. Robin said her face is nice too though. Howard said he doesn't care about the face that much. He said he's banged plenty of butter faces. Howard said he fucked a girl in college who looked like a witch but she had a great body.
The caller sent another photo. Howard said he should have had her send one with today's newspaper in it. He said the picture could have been from the Zapruder film. Howard asked her if she likes dick pictures. She said not at all.
Howard got the other picture of the caller. Howard asked how old that is. She said it was from 2 weeks ago. Howard said she does look good. Howard said she looks like one of the girls from Saturday Night Live that you don't know the name of.
Howard asked how many guys she's banging a week. She said 2 or 3. Howard said that's a lot. Howard asked how old her kids are. She said 13, 11 and 8. She said her husband moved out. She said she met him in her 20s. She said she's been with one guy the entire time. She said they didn't have Tinder back then. She said it's awesome to have that now.
Howard said she has to be careful having sex with so many guys. He said she might get a big strawberry on her vagina. The caller said she's clean. Howard said we all are.
Howard asked if she hung out with Ronnie and JD. She said she did. She said it was back when they did Ronnie's Block Party. Howard asked if anyone banged her. She said no because they were busy doing their thing. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said it was Ronnie and Sal and Sal slept in the same room as Larry Caputo. Sal said they didn't sleep in the same bed. He said they had twin beds. Howard asked if he's ever kissed him. Sal said never. He said he has seen Larry in his boxers. Howard asked what is going on. He said that he's an adult and he hasn't slept in a room with another man. Fred said they did an album once and they had to fly to New York and they had to stay in a Holiday Inn. Howard said they had no money back then. Howard said being in a room with Fred was creepy. Fred said he seconds that. Howard said it was just weird. Sal said it's bonding. He said they only shared a bed once. He said that was in Connecticut. He said Larry wears those silky bicycle short underwear.
Howard asked if they shop for shoes together. Sal said they did. He said that he loves Larry as a friend but he'd never jerk him off. He said that he might do that for Richard for the show. Howard asked if he has ever massaged him. Sal said ''Uh, no.'' He said they shared eye cream and that's about it. He said there is nothing gay going on. Robin said sometimes men don't know they're in love.
Howard asked if Tan Mom was coming on to him. Sal said she does but it's such an angry thing. He said he was sitting next to a large black gentleman and he apologized to him for what Tan Mom was doing. Howard said he has tape of Tan Mom yelling at the flight attendant. Sal said he was afraid that they were going to get thrown off the plane. Howard asked if he's still attracted to her. Sal said he's not. He said it's over after all of this. He said Steve had to sit next to Tan Mom. He said that she demanded that he get her the exit area for her broken ankle. Sal said that they told her that she can't sit there because she can't help with a broken ankle. They had to move her so she freaked out and said she had to get off the plane. Howard had audio of her yelling about that.
Howard asked Sal why he goes through this. Sal said they did a show on Valentine's Day that was fun. He said they didn't know it was going to be like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Howard asked if the plane was in the air. Sal said this was right before they took off. He said as soon as they took off he was good.
Howard said during the flight she starts yelling for Sal. Howard had audio of her yelling for Sal. Tan Mom was telling Sal to just sit in his seat and shut up. Sal said he was sitting in his seat with his eyes closed. Howard asked how long the flight was. Sal said it was just under an hour. He said it's the first time he didn't care if the flight went down. Sal said Ronnie and Larry were goofing on her an calling out his name. He said the flight attendants were all freaked out. He said it was really unsettling.
Howard said he has a clip of Tan Mom freaking out on the fans at the appearance. Sal said she went right to the bar and started cursing people out before the show. Sal said she had a tanning gun on the plane and she was spraying it on her face. He said she turned to the kids behind her telling them ''It's tanning spray, bitch.'' He said she just wasn't herself. Howard said she went off on people on the plane about the spray.
Howard played a clip of Tan Mom talking to some fans and telling them that she wasn't in the mood to talk. She was telling someone that they were so rude and yelling at them. Howard asked if that's a show. Sal said that was just someone saying hello to her. Sal said that was a meet and greet and when someone stood up she'd yell at them to sit the fuck down. Sal said she didn't give a shit. He said she was yelling at people for asking her questions.
Howard read some notes about it and her dentures fell out at one point. Then she got pissed at someone. Howard played a clip of Tan Mom going off on a fan who got too close to her.
Howard read more about what she went off on at the appearance. Howard had a clip of Tan Mom spraying her tanning spray on some women that she got into a fight with. Howard said she's like a super hero with a special tanning spray. Howard said she did a drive by tanning on that woman. Howard had some audio of the woman who was attacked and she wasn't sure what she was getting sprayed with. She also said this was a better show than she expected and that's what she told the owner of the club.
Howard said on the old Batman show they had sprays like that. He said the villains would spray you and they'd freeze you or give you a giant smile on your face.
Howard played another clip of Tan Mom yelling at Steve Nowicki to get her bag. She was screaming at him to get it now. She didn't know where it was. Steve didn't either.
Howard asked Sal why she acts like that. Sal said he really doest know. He said that when he dropped her off to her husband the guy looked so happy because she got away for the whole weekend. Sal said she cursed him out a lot at the airport. He said she threw his bag across the terminal.
Howard had some audio of Ronnie at the appearance doing his thing on stage and Sal kept yelling out ''Yeah!'' as he was doing his thing. Ronnie was saying ''fuck'' a lot in that clip. Howard said Ronnie thinks that ''Lets fuck some whores'' is the big thing. Howard said they should write some jokes for him. Sal said they did another appearance this weekend and the host's name was Jack Shit. He said he introduced Ronnie as ''Piece of shit'' after Jack Shit introduced them.
Howard played a clip of someone asking Tan Mom where her kids are tonight. She said one of them graduated from Harvard and one from Princeton. She called that woman a fucking cunt. Sal started chanting ''Tan Mom'' but no one was joining in.
Howard read more notes and it said that one woman was rubbing her vagina in front of Ronnie and then a drink hits Sal in the face. Howard played a clip of that and Sal was commenting on that when Tan Mom threw the drink at him. Sal yelled that he didn't do a thing. Howard said he doesn't know what to say about this. He said Ronnie doesn't care that Sal was just attacked. Howard asked what people pay for this. Sal said it was like $35. Howard said Ronnie is like 65 and he still has his eyes on the prize.
Howard asked if the girl rubbing herself was good looking. Sal said she was hot. Howard saw a picture of her and said she is good looking. Howard said Ronnie looks like he's in love in that picture.
Howard played a clip of a guy at the show talking about how disgusting Tan Mom is and how angry she is. He said after a few more drinks he'd probably fuck her though.
Howard asked how Tan Mom gets away with all of this shit. He asked if she calms down. Sal said the next morning she was lovely. He said that's why he says she's like Jekyll and Hyde. Howard had a clip of Tan Mom talking about what a lovely time she had and how she'd love to do it again. She sounded like a different woman.
Howard said that Sal was attracted to her at one time. Sal said all of this happened and things change. He said that she turned on him.
Howard said he has a piece of tape of Tan Mom thinking that Steve Nowicki was Memet. Howard asked if she thought that on the plane. Sal said she did. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Tan Mom about flying with the crew up to Oswego. She thought it was Memet but it was Steve. Sal said they were there for 2 days and she turned to him and asked if he knew that ''Lemet's real name was Steve.'' Sal said she was unaware there was even a show going on up there.
Howard asked Sal what he does on stage. Sal said they do a Q and A with the crowd. Robin asked how long that lasts. Sal said it was an hour and then they do pictures with everyone. He said Tan Mom did a few minutes and then left and never came back.
Howard took a call from a guy who was there. He said Sal and Ronnie were the nicest guys there. The caller said he was wearing a ''Lets fuck some whores'' t-shirt. He said that Tan Mom's jaw was grinding back and forth like windshield wipers. He said they went out to meet Sal out in the parking lot. He said Tan Mom is belligerent. He said he's not sure what she was smoking or drinking. He said Tan Mom threw a chair at this one woman and threatened to hit her in the face. Howard cut him off saying he's repeating stories they just heard.
Sal said that they were doing a show and Tan Mom was in the back yelling that no one wants to hear shit from some guy. She was ready to throw a beer bottle at the guy. Sal said the guy said he's not one of the show guys so if she hits him with a bottle he wasn't going to hold back.
Sal said they were up in New Hampshire this weekend and they were doing even more crazy stuff. Howard said he didn't want to hear about that right now. Howard took a call from Shuli who was doing his Tan Mom impression and talking about ''Lemet'' and Sal. Howard thanked Shuli for the call and let him go.
Howard played a drop of Sal saying ''I would give Larry Caputo a hand job...'' that they pulled from that segment. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he told Ralph he wanted to save his fat pants but he said no. Howard said he doesn't know why he listens to that fuck. He said Ralph thinks he saved them but he doesn't know where they were. Howard said he did find some fat pants that were in a drawer. He said they're not the John Varvatos stuff though. Howard said he walked around the house in his fat jeans and a t-shirt. He said Beth says to him he looks cute in the jeans. Howard said he feels so ugly around her and that was really nice. Howard said he was happy about that because they're comfortable. Howard said that was his go ahead to wear them. Howard said he gathered up all of the loose jeans to bring to work to go through with Ralph. Howard said he asked Beth if he looked okay in them for work and she said he can't wear them to work. Howard said she had him so confused. Howard said he wore his tight jeans to work today and now his balls are numb. Howard said he knows John Varvatos makes looser jeans. He said his were custom made. He said now he has to get more. He said he's not sure Ralph is up to the task. Robin said he can't worry about that.
Howard said Ralph goes into hysterics if he tells him to get him a hat. He said he's going to have to tell him the news today about the rest of the clothes. He said that he thought he looked fine in the jeans but Beth told him no. Howard said he has to find something else to wear now. Howard said his balls are numb so please help him. He asked Robin to help him. Howard said he doesn't even feel his dick. Howard said he wanted to wear his baggy pants and he can't even do that. Howard said he should have worn his baggy pants anyway. He said no one would have cared.
Howard said JD is in a huff because Wolfie is coming in to do a documentary on JD tomorrow. Howard said JD said this is going to be the worst week of his life. Howard said he has a promo for the big week. He played a quick bit they did for the upcoming documentary.
Howard asked JD if he's really that freaked out. JD said he's not sure what he's going to see him do that he'll pick up on. Howard said he heard Wolfie is going to check his body fat. JD said he had it tested a few years ago but he can't remember what it was.
Howard asked if he's going to take Xanax because of this. JD said he has it just in case he has to. Howard said Wolfie wanted to take a stool sample from JD. JD said fuck that. He said he's a weirdo. JD said he's not shitting in a box. Howard said he can go in the toilet and they'll take it out of there. JD said he's not doing it. Howard old him to just not flush and they'll get it from there. Howard said Wolfie is also going to do a black light in his office. JD said ''Oh come on... god damn...''
Howard said Wolfie is also looking for a sperm sample and urine sample. Howard said he might have to cooperate. Howard asked how else he can observe him. JD said he's just some weirdo staring at him. Howard said he thinks it's fascinating to learn about JD. Howard said Wolfie wants to swab his feet for lab testing too. JD said he will kick him.
Howard said they asked JD to show his feet once but he hadn't clipped his nails. Howard said that they bought JD a scratching post for him to scratch his feet on.
Howard asked if he can go to news or do they need another break. Fred said a quick live is good. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. They played a homeless woman intro for Robin where she calls her Robin Clivers.
Howard read an email about Richard Simmons and how his rep is saying that he's not transitioning to a woman. Howard said anyone can make an accusation about someone. Howard said the next headline is that Richard denies he's turning into a woman. Howard said he never issues a denial himself. He said that the story never gets out there if you do that.
Howard read some email about Muhammad Ali. He said one guy said he doest like Ali because of his racist comments. Howard read through some email about that and got to news after that.
Robin read about the Pope talking about how the pursuit of perfect bodies has become an obsession. Howard said he wears a big robe so he doesn't have to worry. Howard said he's wearing a giant dress and commenting. Howard talked about how he wants to lose weight and he's cutting back on his salad dressing. He said Beth laughs at him because she eats all of that and has no problem with it.
Robin read a story about Eric Clapton struggling with playing guitar. Howard said he saw a link to that story but the link didn't work. Robin said Clapton claims he has nerve damage and he struggles with playing now. Robin said it started out with lower back pain. Howard said he should read Dr. Sarno's book. He said he knows Clapton thinks he's a goofball but someone should tell him to get the book and he'll be back to playing the guitar. That led to Howard playing a clip of Robin singing ''Cocaine'' to someone barely being able to play guitar. Howard said he loves when Robin sings. He said it's his favorite. He replayed it a short time later.
Robin read a story about a mother whose daughter died in 2012. The woman didn't tell her new boyfriend that her daughter was allergic to peanuts and the guy ate some peanuts and kissed the daughter good night and the allergic reaction killed the girl.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Beth is on the Today Show talking about their cats. She brought up how they have 18 cats in the house. Howard said they only have 6 of their own. Mariann talked about the names of some of the cats like Eenie, Minnie, Miney and Mow. Howard said follow Beth on Instagram to learn more about the cats. Mariann said she thinks that Ralph has a girlfriend stalker. Howard said that's not his issue. He hung up on Mariann. Howard said she's awesome. He said she's a superfan. He said Bobo they have to keep an eye on.
Robin read more about the woman whose daughter died from the peanut allergy. Howard said it's almost impossible to avoid peanuts. Howard said it's a real thing though. Robin said some people aren't sympathetic to that stuff but it kills.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if Wolfie will go to JD's apartment for his documentary. JD said no. Howard said he should let him go. Howard said that is his sanctuary though. Howard asked when Wolfie is coming in, tomorrow? JD let out a weak ''Yes.'' Howard said he should just try to forget that Wolfie is observing him. JD said that's going to be pretty hard. Howard played a song parody about JD and Wolfie. JD said he knows Wolfie blows up things that are so small. Howard said this is how they find out this stuff. Howard said some people think JD's office has a smell. He said it might be fast food according to the guys. JD said there is no air coming in there. Howard said he has a TV tray that he eats off of. Howard said it has an American Idol logo on it. Robin said they say that Morley Safer had an office that was a mess. Robin said they found food that had been there for years. Howard said he had to have Fred get rid of some mice that were in his office once. Howard said he observes JD back there sometimes. He said he doesn't have enough time to do what Wolfie is doing. Howard said he likes to know what's happening back there. He said Richard is disgusting back there. He said now it's Memet, Richard and Sal. He said Memet is a slob. He said his area was a mess at 5 in the morning. Howard asked what's going on with him. Howard said he loses his phone and building pass once a week. Robin said she used to do that too. Howard asked what's up with Memet. Robin said he doesn't have a purse. Howard said he needs a man bag. Robin said maybe once he gets the man bun he will.
Howard had Memet, Richard and Sal come in. Howard said he doesn't mean to pick on Memet but he noticed the papers all over the place. Sal came in and said that he has all kinds of documents around his area and then he throws his tissues on the desk so they work over to his area. JD said Memet just said ''Fuck you'' to Sal and slammed the door.
Richard came in and talked to Howard about Memet. Richard said Memet is so nervous around Howard when he comes back there. Howard said Memet keeps his back to him. He said he just wants to say hi and he's his boss so maybe be social. Richard said he thinks he's just nervous around him. Howard asked why anyone is nervous around him.
Memet came in and said he doesn't want to bother Howard. Howard said he comes in just to say hi to all of them. Memet said he doesn't want to bother him. He said that Sal and Richard drive him crazy about the dirty tissues but they're farting 2 inches from him. He said that it's just paper on his desk. Sal said it looks like someone dumped a garbage pail on his desk.
Gary said he heard that Memet's apartment is a mess and he has clothes all over the floor. Memet said that his apartment is not great. Sal said a naked guy walked in on him. Memet said he has a gay roommate and he was laying in bed picking his ass and then his door swings open and a fully naked guy just walks in. He said they were just staring at each other for like 5 seconds. He said it was just weird. He said he sees shit like that all the time.
Howard said he had a girlfriend who lived with 2 gay dudes and she was romping around the house naked. He said he was looking for her and she ends up in bed with the two gay guys. Howard said she wanted to start fucking around in front of them but he wanted nothing to do with that.
Howard asked Memet why he's blowing his nose all the time. Memet said that it runs when he gets nervous. Richard said the other day Memet lost his phone and wallet and everything. Howard said he should get a man bag. Richard said he got stuck downstairs for 30 minutes because he wasn't able to get up there. Howard said he should have a man bag because you know where everything is when you carry one. Memet said he has to do something.
Memet said he doesn't throw dirty tissues on the desk. Sal said he does and he has asked him to remove them. Howard said Sal and Richard have to stop farting. Sal said he wrote a note to himself reminding himself not to fart. He said it's hard to stop yourself from doing that.
Howard asked JD if he's going to crack with this Wolfie thing. JD said he'll be fine. Sal said his safe word is ''Feed me.''
Howard played a message from Richard's dad where he talked about the fish starting to bite and how the chickens are having babies so they'll be filling the freezer with them. Robin asked if they kill the babies or the old ones. Richard said it's the old ones. He said they're cute when they're hatchlings. Howard asked how you eat them. Richard said it's part of life. He said his pet Calfie was one of his favorite pets ever but they raised him to be food.
Howard played another message from Richard's dad where he talked about ''them Royals.'' Richard said that he could just about cry over that. Howard asked why he's almost crying. Richard said he's happy.
Richard talked about raising hogs growing up and how they'd go off to slaughter too. He said you'd go to the 4H fair and say goodbye to your pigs. He said he loves bacon. Howard said he did too but he can't do it anymore. Richard said he'd love to have a pot belly pig. He said he knows George Clooney had one for a while. Howard said they get to be too big. Richard said the butcher let him keep Calfie's eyeballs. Howard let Richard go a short time later.
Robin read about the shooting in Orlando and how the father of the guy who did the shooting is apologizing for what his son did. She said the father is a Taliban sympathizer. Robin said he just wanted to say these things and didn't think anyone would go out and kill. Howard asked why people like that are allowed to live in this country. Howard said if you're stupid enough to tell people that maybe you shouldn't be in this country. Howard talked about how people have to chill with the anti-gay rhetoric too. Gary said there are people applauding the shooter for killing so many gay people. Gary read some of the tweets he was reading. Howard said we have to cut out religion. He said that's where it's coming from. Howard said he's not sure why he has no problem with gay people. Robin said maybe it's because he's sane. Howard said there's so much bullshit out there about being gay leading to pedophilia and things like that.
Howard asked what Lt. Governor Dan Patrick quoting something about how a man reaps what he sows. Robin said they're claiming that was a weekly quote he puts out and it wasn't in reaction to the Orlando shootings. Robin read more about the shooter and what they're finding out about him. Robin said the father said that his son got upset about a month ago after seeing two men kissing. Howard said he doesn't get that. Howard said he wouldn't care if ever man was gay because that would leave him as the only heterosexual man left. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about the Orlando shootings and how the shooter, Omar Mateen, was investigated twice in the past by the FBI. Robin had some audio clips and details about the woman he married and how he would beat her. Robin read about how they met online and she moved to Florida to get married. Robin said the woman claims he wasn't religious either. Robin said witnesses claim he pledged allegiance to ISIS before he open fire into the crowd at the Pulse nightclub.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said that shooter should be ashamed of himself for wearing an NYPD shirt. Howard said he's dead so he can't be ashamed. Erik also said they need metal detectors in bars and clubs so this doesn't happen again. Howard said he's all for that.
Howard said he has some funny tape of Gonzo Shitcock taking Erik out on a golf cart and Erik is screaming. Howard played the clip and Erik is yelling at Gonzo to stop but he keeps going too fast for Erik. Erik said he drove the cart up the hill. Howard said he has to go. He said he has no time to talk to Erik now. Howard let him go and said he has more to talk about with him tomorrow.
Robin read about how Donald Trump is talking about how he told people that this radical Islam thing is out of control. Robin said Trump is saying Obama should resign over what happened this weekend.
Robin read about how Ed Burns was a keynote speaker at Stanford University and he slammed the idea of Trump running for President. Robin had some audio of him talking about Trump in his speech. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about some books that are coming out about Trump and Clinton before the election. Robin read some of the details that will be revealed in the books.
Robin read a story about how a person in Oregon is now known as non-binary. Robin said that means that people don't have to be known as male or female.
Robin read a story about Kim Kardashian begging congress to make gun laws tougher. Robin said this shooter in Orlando obtained his guns legally. Robin said he had a mental illness and the government looked into him as a possible terrorist and nothing stopped him from getting a gun.
Robin read a story about Oscar Pistorius getting sentenced today. Robin read the details of the time he could get for that.
Robin read about the number one movie at the box office being The Conjuring 2. Robin said it made $40 million. Howard said he doesn't know that one. Robin said it's a scary one so he wouldn't like it.
Robin had some audio of James Corden opening the Tony Awards last night and making it a tribute to the people killed in Orlando.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show wondering what he means by the lyrics ''I want to know if you've ever seen the rain coming down...'' Robin said she takes it literally. Howard said he wonders if it's something bad happening when you just see good. Fred said he thinks it's about the band. He said they were rocking the boat. Howard said that makes sense. Howard said Robin was making sense but she's not being very deep there. Robin said deep is just BS. Robin said just say what you mean. Howard told her to stop it.
Howard said as he expected the guy who shot up the nightclub was gay. Howard said that's what happens when you have a father who is a fanatic and he beats it into you that god is going to get you if you're gay. Robin said he was using hookup apps and stuff. Howard said that's hard core gay stuff. Robin said there was a lot of gay involvement. Howard said he was so angry that he couldn't be openly gay. Robin said he wanted a drink and he couldn't have that either.
Howard said the more people are closeted the more this is going to happen. Robin said you mix that in with a little psychosis then you get this. Howard said be gay and be proud. Howard said don't be ashamed if you're gay. He said he's glad you're gay. He said he wants all guys to be gay so all women will be for him.
Howard took a call from a guy, Chad, who did the ''be proud, be gay'' line they've played on the show many times. Chad asked if they use emojis. Howard said it sets him off. He said his daughters use them but he doesn't understand why a guy would use it. Howard said he tried using one for his daughter but then he wondered if he was really going to look for a circle with a smile. Howard said he's so against emojis. Robin said some people send messages that are only emojis.
Chad said he has a friend who dates online and she thinks that it's the gayest thing when guys send them. Howard said they're silly but the kids love them. Howard said he gets very excited when Apple has their WWDC convention. Howard said they announce the new things. Howard said the new announcement was more emojis and bigger ones. Howard said they all look the same too. He said he was nervous sending it to his daughter because she might interpret it as something else. Howard said he hates that Apple has run out of ideas and that's the big announcement. Howard said they have to come out with something cool.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he hates his Apple Watch. Jon said he doesn't hate it but it's not really forward thinking enough. Jon said the big announcement yesterday was that you can hit a button that will change words to emojis. Jon said he uses them with his kids but that's it. Howard said that's what he does.
Robin said she can just write LOL instead of finding a smiley face. Howard asked if Sal uses them because that's what he heard. Fred played Sal saying ''I would give Larry Caputo a hand job'' clip. Sal came in and said that here is something sweet about using them. He said it gives a message some emotion.
Howard said that was the big announcement yesterday. He said he doesn't like it at all. Sal said he thinks they're great. He said he likes the turtle. Sal said if someone writes something on Twitter he'll send the turtle. Howard said he does that because he thinks he was a turtle in a former life. Sal said he knows he was.
Howard asked if he started wearing a crucifix ring too. Sal said he did. Howard took a look at it and said it's Jesus on the cross. He said even the pope looked at that and said it's too much. Sal said Jesus is just a sign of peace and love. Howard said that's super religious. Chad asked if he bought it himself. Sal said he did up at the biker gathering in New Hampshire. Howard had to correct Sal on the way he was saying Jewelry. Howard asked him to spell it. He spelled it wrong a couple of times so Howard had him try over and over until he got it. Howard had him repeating the word trying to get him to say it correctly. Sal said it sounds weird saying it the way Howard wants him to say it. Howard told Sal to get out of there. He said he can't teach him. He said he can't get through to him. He said his mother corrected him once when he was a kid and he got it.
Howard said he thinks Sal grew up in a catholic family and he pictures himself as not being religious but he really is. He said that he thinks he's super religious because he's afraid. Robin said it's a superstition. Sal came back and said he's not super religious. Howard asked why he won't use the lord's name in vain when he makes prank calls. Sal said he has. Howard said he's a scared guy and he doesn't understand a lot so this is a good way to explain the world to him. Sal said that's not it.
Howard asked why he's talking to him again. Sal said he's talking to him because of this religious thing. Howard kicked him out again a short time later. Robin said Sal had to explain to himself that God wanted him to make people laugh.
Howard asked JD if he took a Xanax. JD said he hasn't yet. He said he was prescribed the stuff after he had a panic attack before a show once. Howard asked how he got the prescription. JD said he went in for a check up. Howard asked if he was shocked by his weight. JD said no. JD said he had a panic attack over something but he doesn't remember what it was. Howard said he bets JD uses emojis. JD said very rarely. Howard said he went on Xanax but he's not sure why. JD said he got it for emergency use. JD said it's only for that.
JD said he has trouble sleeping sometimes. Howard said he doesn't get that. Howard said eventually you will fall asleep. JD said he knows. Howard said he got up at midnight to pee and thought he wasn't going to fall asleep. Howard said he got back in bed and said he isn't getting out of bed until 5. He said he made himself lay there. He cursed himself out. He said he must have been asleep 10 minutes later. Howard said lets say he didn't fall asleep. He said he'll just have to get through one miserable day. Howard said he'll sleep the next day.
JD said it's not just about sleep. He said his stomach is clenched the whole day. Howard said he knows what causes that. JD said he doesn't. Howard asked if he's suicidal. JD said no. Howard asked if he's repressing anything. Robin said yes. Howard asked if JD is LGBT.
Howard said he has to stop with the Xanax. JD said he hasn't used it. Howard said he's worried about McDonald's. JD said he hasn't gone in like a year because he got diarrhea last time he ate it.
Howard asked what Wolfie is doing now. JD said he's taking notes on his phone and staring at him. Howard said speaking of Wolfie he wonders if he has any observations.
Wolfie got on the microphone and told Howard he has about 15 observations. He said JD ties his laces and tucks them in his shoes. JD said they're so long he tucks them in to keep from tripping over them. Wolfie told him to just tie them twice. Howard asked if he knows how to make a double knot. JD said of course he does. Howard told him to demonstrate. Wolfie said he's going for the first knot. Howard said remember the bunny in the tree. Wolfie said he's attempting the second knot. Wolfie said it doesn't make sense that he tucks them in. Howard said he can do the double knot and just not tuck. JD said it's easier to tuck them in the side. JD said he's a weird guy. He said this is why he didn't want to do this. Howard said maybe invest in shorter laces. JD sounded worn out from this already.
Howard said Wolfie has 15 notes already. Wolfie said that's only after 15 minutes. Wolfie said he has a battery of tests he has to run through. He said he wants to do a plaque detection test to see if his teeth have plaque. Howard told JD to do that. JD said no. Wolfie said he has a couple of swabs to test DNA in his mouth. JD laughed and told him to get the fuck out of there. Wolfie has a lice detection test too. JD said he doesn't have lice.
Howard said he's looking online at the side effects of Xanax and JD has a bunch. JD said he hasn't used it. Howard said that would be bad.
Robin said JD cant even tell what his problem is. JD said he has anxiety. Robin said everyone does. Howard asked Wolfie if JD's keyboard is dirty. Wolfie said it is. JD said of course it is. Wolfie said there's a lot of dust in the office and he has a lot of stains on the tray he eats off of. Howard said he'll talk to Wolfie later.
Howard said maybe he should play the Wolfie thing. Howard said Bobo uses weird words. He said he's not sure how he was a teacher.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he uses emojis. He said he's a real man but he uses them. He said he uses all of them. Howard asked why he can't just write how he feels. The caller said he uses them because you can fit in more on Twitter. Howard said this guy is a real man so he can use them. He said this guy was in the military.
Benjy asked if he'll even use a smiley face like :). Howard said no. He said he's a man so why would he do something so effeminate? Benjy asked if he uses exclamation points. Howard said he does. He said he hates texting. He said trying to have any real conversation is tough.
The caller said his wife makes fun of him for using them. Howard asked him about how many tours he did. The caller said he did one and then he was a drill sergeant for a couple of years. He said he was in artillery and they most likely killed some people but not face to face. Howard said he didn't get to see who he killed. The caller said he's seen the aftermath and it's not a pretty sight. He said it's not something he'd recommend.
Howard said Ronnie uses emojis. He said he's such a caveman. He said he had a conversation with him this morning about how he got lucky last night. Howard said he doesn't even want to know when he has sex. Howard said he told him to watch the show ''The Girlfriend Experience'' and Ronnie watched all 10. He said they got worked up watching it and Ronnie told him about it.
Ronnie came in so Howard asked about the emojis. Ronnie said he uses them on Twitter. Howard said Ronnie is looking like Edward Mulhare from ''The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.'' Ronnie said he uses certain emojis a lot. He said he loves the devil head and some others. Howard asked what the emoji for pussy is. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he likes the skull too. The caller said there's a cock emoji. It's the eggplant.
Ronnie thanked Howard for turning him on to that show ''The Girlfriend Experience.'' He said the last episode is like a porno. He said Stephanie got whacked out over it and it was great. Howard said he heard about it this morning. Howard said the character he was talking about with The Ghost and Mrs. Muir was Captain Daniel Gregg.
Howard asked Ronnie how long he can last with his girlfriend. Ronnie said he's good for about a minute. He said if he thinks about other things he can last longer. Howard said if he looks away and thinks about other things then you last longer. Ronnie said you have to fantasize about other things but not another chick. He said you think about NASCAR or turn on the Met game.
Howard said Ronnie has cars, baseball and pussy on his mind. Howard asked if he can look at her. Ronnie said now he can but when it's new then it happens quick. Howard thanked him for the update.
Howard played a clip of the homeless woman talking about what they have coming up today. She said something unintelligible so Howard had to say it was Stump the Booey. Howard said he was thinking of that song that they remixed with her. He said he thinks it's a hit. Howard played some of ''La Cunte Calda'' that they played last week.
Howard asked what she looked like. Sal said exactly what you think. Howard asked if they could get her in a Shakira outfit. Sal said she had janitor pants that were ripped. He said she's chubby. Howard asked if they could get her in a bra top. Sal said she looked like Benjy with a tan and covered in dust.
Howard said they could get thousands of homeless people dancing behind her. Howard said they could do it like Michael Jackson's Thriller video. Howard said they could have 1000 people on a yacht. Howard said they need the best video director in the world to do this. Howard sang some of the lyrics. Howard replayed the Julian Velard version of the song.
Howard said the song is up on HowardStern.com. Howard said everything is viral now. He said that James Corden was talking about that. He said Jimmy Kimmel talks about the viral hit stuff too. Howard said they had one with the Adam Levine singing Purple Rain video.
Howard said La Cunte Calda means ''hot cunt'' in Italian. Richard came in and said this woman danced while she was sitting down. He said they know where she lives so they should be able to find her again. Howard asked if she lives in a box. Richard said she does. Richard said she tried to grab him and he jumped back like 5 feet. Howard said they should get her a new box to live in. Howard said give her a few bucks and make a video. Richard said they did give her a few bucks.
Richard said she was talking to a wall and they knew they had to talk to her. Sal said that's how Justin Bieber was found on YouTube. Howard said he was living in a box. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the Baba Booey song parody. He said it's time to play Stump the Booey. Howard put an effect on his voice that he didn't even mean to use. Howard said he just found it. Howard said Gary and Mara are going to play Stump the Booey today.
Howard introduced Mara to the audience. She corrected him on the pronunciation of her name. Howard said she has nice legs. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 40. Howard said she looks like a little girl. Howard said Mara thinks she can beat Baba Booey in music trivia. Howard said Gary loves pieces of vinyl. Howard asked Mara if she's into that. She said she grew up on cassettes.
Howard said they have a $5,000 grand prize from Tommy John (TommyJohn.com) to give away if Mara wins. Howard said Mara is a film critic for Us Magazine. Howard said that's pretty cool. Howard asked if she went to school for journalism. Mara said she did. Robin asked what she knows about game shows. Gary said her reviews are about a paragraph. Mara said Gary hasn't read the magazine. She said it's online reviews that she does and they're longer than what's in the magazine.
Howard said the flats Mara is wearing aren't hot. She said that hurts. Howard said always wear high heels when you're a girl. Robin said it shortens the calf muscle.
Howard said Mara lives in Manhattan and works at Us Weekly. Howard said she works for Jann Wenner. Howard said he likes Jann and Rolling Stone. Mara thanked him for supporting that magazine. Howard said when he does interviews with them they want to hang out with you all day long. Howard said he doesn't want to do that.
Howard read that Mara has interviewed many celebrities including Robin in 2008. Mara said she did and forgot to turn on the recorder. She said she was taking notes during the interview and she was just so excited that she forgot to turn it on. Howard said then they write your answers for you. Mara said they had this nice conversation and Robin told her how she likes the female fans of the show. Mara said she didn't want to call her back and tell her she forgot to turn the recorder on.
Howard asked if she can make six figurers doing what she does. Mara said you can make six figures. She wouldn't confirm if she does. Mara said the perks are great for the job. She said she just got back from Cannes. Howard asked what the worst shitty movie she ever saw was. Mara said they're the ones you've never heard of. She said the worst was ''Tammy'' with Melissa McCarthy. Mara said she loves Bridesmaids but she trashed Tammy. Howard asked if she's ever heard from any of the stars. Mara said her boss heard from one publicist. She said she said something bad about a 5th rate star and she was asked not to mention them by name. She said that she tries to have some integrity though. Howard said he follows Us Weekly on Twitter.
Mara and Howard talked about The Bachelorette for a short time. Howard asked Mara about dating and if she's on the apps like Tinder. Mara said she has been on them. She said it's hard for her. She said she's more comfortable in her office listening to Howard's show than going out and being social. Howard asked if she ever lets a guy take her out and bang her. She said not recently. Howard asked if she's ever been married. Mara said she hasn't. She said she dates. Howard asked if she's good in bed. Mara said she thinks so. Howard asked if it's weird not being married at 40. She said it just came up on her quickly.
Howard asked Mara used to hate him. She was a massive Luke Perry fan and she was upset that he ruined his moment on stage when he was Fartman. Howard said Luke was in on the whole thing. Mara said she was 16 and Howard had his ass hanging out and she didn't appreciate it. Howard asked how long after that did she become a fan. Mara said she was living in Detroit so she didn't hear it until 1998 when she moved to New York. She said all she had was listening to Howard's show back then.
Howard asked what her favorite movie is. Mara said it's Back to the Future. She said she's not saying it's the best movie but it's her favorite.
Howard said it's time to move on and play the game. Howard said that Gary has lost before but not often. Gary said he has lost. He said he started playing it at 37 and now he's 55 so he may have lost it. Howard said Gary's voice is unclear again. He said he must be nervous. Gary said he's okay. Gary said he studied a lot. He said he prints out lists from the 80s and goes online and listens to them. Gary said he had to listen and play some of them to make sure he knows them.
Howard asked Mara if she studied at all. Mara said she did. She said she did a Spotify list and all of that. Mara said her twin brother Frank wrote the letter to the show. She said that she spent many years of her formative years listening to Casey Kasem.
Howard said Gary and Mara have been studying. Howard said Gary had Steve Brandano quiz him. He said that now it's time to find out. Howard asked Robin who she thinks can do it. Robin said Gary has been very good for years so she's going with Gary.
Howard said he has the songs in front of him. He said they're not the most difficult. Howard said they have to thank Tommy John for the prize money.
Howard said he's going to play the song and both contestants have to write down their answers. Howard played the first one and Gary and Mara wrote down their answers. Mara asked for a little bit more. Howard played a few more seconds of the song. Howard said he has to stop it there. Mara had Bow-Wow-Wow ''I Want Candy.'' Gary had that too. Howard said he didn't get that. Robin said she knew it.
Howard played the next song and had Gary and Mara write down their answers. The song was Air Supply's ''All Out of Love.'' Gary and Mara both got it right.
Howard played the next song which was one that Robin didn't know. Howard said he has the answers and he can't even get it. Howard asked for the answers and Mara had ''You're a Friend of Mine'' by Jackson Browne and Clarence Clemens. Gary had it too and he added Daryl Hannah to the list.
Howard played the next song which was GTR's ''When the Heart Rules the Mind.'' Gary and Mara weren't getting it. Howard had to play a lot of the song. Howard said he's given them a lot. Mara didn't know it. Howard said if there is a tie they go with the person who has the bigger teeth. Mara came up blank. So did Gary. Howard told them it was GTR. Mara got it when she heard GTR. She knew the title.
Howard said Gary is fired if he doesn't throw this game. He played the next song which was Champaign ''How 'Bout Us.'' Mara got it. Gary got it too.
Howard played the next song which was ''Never Ending Story'' by Limahl. Both of them got it right. Howard said Gary is very phlegmy today. Gary said he's nervous. Gary cleared his throat but it didn't help. Howard said he never heard the song before. Gary said it was a movie.
Howard said that this is exciting. He said they could cut the tension with a knife. Howard said a big, boring knife. Howard played the next song which was Mr. Mister ''Kyrie'' and both Gary and Mara got it right. Howard played some of the song and said he hates it. He didn't know the song.
Howard played the next song which he kept short because he wanted to end the game. Howard said this stopped being fun 4 questions ago. Howard asked for Gary and Mara's answers. Mara said she thought it was Aretha Franklin's ''Freeway of Love'' and she was right. Gary got it too.
Howard said the score is 7-7. Howard played the next one which was ''Voices Carry'' by Til Tuesday. Gary and Mara both had it right.
Howard said this is amazing. He said that they just got a ratings report and they only have 8 listeners left. He said he's never playing this game again. Howard said he's not sure about this bit.
Howard played the next song which was Thompson Twins ''Doctor, Doctor.'' Gary got it wrong. Mara got it right. Howard said he didn't know she won. Howard was going to give them a couple more. Howard told Jason to get out of there with the check but then he just said that's it and gave it to Mara.
Mara said she has to thank Tommy John but she's not going to keep the money. She's donating it to the North Shore Animal League. Howard said that's very nice of her. Howard said they have Tom Patterson from Tommy John to present the check to Mara. Howard said he didn't know Tom was so young. Tom said he's 37 so he's not that young. Howard said Tom invented Tommy John. Howard said he used to wear boxers and his pants bunched up. Howard said they sent him some of his underwear and he has to tell him something. He said he put on these underpants and they're fucking awesome. Howard asked what they're made out of. Tom told Howard what it's called. Howard said his balls feel great in them. Howard said he's wearing the briefs today. Howard said he's wearing their shirt and their socks too. Tommy said they never advertised but Howard talked about them. He said they've doubled in sales every year for the past couple of years. Howard said he loves it.
Howard asked if they'll cut the check to North Shore. Tommy said sure they will. Howard said it's great that Mara is doing that. Mara said she is an animal lover even though the dog that lives across from her annoys the shit out of her. She said that she knows it means a lot to Howard. Howard thanked her for that. Howard asked Tom if he wanted to say something. Tom said he's going to donate 5 percent of sales to North Shore today. Howard said he's glad Gary lost.
Howard said Mara did good today. Howard gave Tom some plugs and then played another song and Gary got it very quickly. Howard played another one and Mara got it really quick. Howard said he enjoyed that. He said it was a lot of fun. Howard said he met his hero Tom Patterson too. Howard said he didn't know the audience had that kind of generosity. Howard said he hopes Mara meets a man and has much sex. They went to break a short time later.
After the break Howard came right back and said he just did a rousing commercial and he comes right back. Howard said it inspires him. Howard said he has (Fake) Bill Clinton on the phone. Howard took the call from Bill who asked how Robin's big, brown titty's are. Howard told him to stick to talking to him because she doesn't have the script. Bill flushed the toilet and said someone had asparagus. He was in the ladies room. Howard asked Fake Bill about his wife running for President and Bill was listening to a woman shitting in the bathroom. Then Hillary came in so Bill said he had to go.
Howard said he could end up being the first husband. Robin said she was so amazed with the knowledge that Gary and Mara had and now Bill can tell you what women ate by smelling their crap.
Howard said they have some video of Wolfie and JD on HowardStern.com. Howard said that Wolfie has some sort of net with him. He asked how it's going out there. Wolfie said he just has more questions the more he observes. He said he noticed that JD is chewing the skin around his thumbs. JD said he scratches the sides of his thumbs. JD said he's said that before. Wolfie said they're fresh wounds. JD said he doesn't chew, he scratches.
Howard asked if that's a pre-lunch snack. JD said that's enough. Howard played a song parody about Wolfie observing JD. Howard asked how many observations he has. Wolfie said he has about 30. Wolfie asked if he can smell his hair. Howard said sure. Wolfie took a quick sniff. JD said that's enough. Wolfie said that's interesting. JD told him to get the fuck out of there. Wolfie said he wants to do the plaque test but JD won't go for it. Wolfie said he wants to see if he can touch JD to see if he has a phobia. JD told him to get out of there with that. He was touching him on the stomach. JD said he can touch his arm but not his stomach.
Wolfie went in to tickle JD and JD told him to get out. Howard said maybe he can tranquilize him and tackle him. Wolfie said he'd like to do that. Wolfie said he'd like to stay in there when JD leaves to go through his stuff like Jane Goodall would do when she observed gorillas. Howard said tomorrow they will hear Wolfie's observations.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said he has come to a decision. Howard said that's good. He's 49 and finally comes to a decision. Jeff said he's going to get his arm chopped off. He said it's in constant pain. Howard said he understands why he wanted to hold on to it. He said as long as it's there maybe they could figure out how to fix it. Howard asked where the pain is. Jeff said it's in the muscle. He said it's like someone is stabbing his arm with a knife.
Howard asked Jeff if they can bronze his arm like a baby shoe. Jeff said he'll see what he can do but he doesn't know if they'll let him keep it. Howard said that would be so cool if they could do that. Howard said they could cut it off and dip it in bronze. He said it'll be forever immortalized. Howard said he is serious about this. Jeff said he knows. Robin asked if a doctor has said they'll take his arm. Jeff said he has an appointment for the first of July. Howard said he thinks he'll have a better life and won't be in pain.
Shuli came in and said that Jeff's balance is already off. He said he's concerned that he may fall over if he gets it removed. Howard asked how they do it. He asked if they use a saw. Shuli said he's not sure if Jeff knows what he's getting into.
Howard asked Jeff why maggots haven't eaten that arm away yet. Robin said it still has circulation. Howard asked where the arm will be removed. Jeff said right below his shoulder. Shuli said he's constantly adjusting it on Periscope.
Howard said it would be awesome of they could put it in a tank of piranhas to watch them eat it. Howard said they could do that while it's attached. Howard said he won't feel it. Jeff said he's sure he'd feel that. Howard said if this doctor lets them keep it he'll finger Sal and Richard with it. Howard told Jeff not to cut his nails before the operation. Howard said that could be their new logo. It would be Jeff's fist.
Shuli asked how great it would be to get audio of Jeff asking to keep the arm. Howard said Shuli should be on this story. Shuli said he already is.
Howard said he could use the arm to crack nuts. He could use it to shake the guest's hands. Gary said Jason said if a doctor clears it he would take a bite of cooked arm. Jason came in and said that he would do it only if it's safe. He said if it's fried up he'd take it. Howard said he's going to vomit. Jason said he loves meat and if it's clean he'd be curious. Howard said this is huge. Howard said thank god Jeff finally decided. Fred played some vomit sound effects.
Howard said Jason isn't kidding about that. Howard said he has Jeff's lump on the phone. Jeff said he's going to get that removed too. The Lump said that it's about time he decided to do something interesting. He said he'll miss seeing him jerk off with his dead arm. Howard said this is too serious a topic for The Lump.
Howard said he swears he wants this arm. Howard said he bets that Richard would beat off with the arm. He said he might even do it without it being bronzed. Howard said they have to cut a piece off and eat it first. Howard said he could use it as a back scratcher.
Jeff said he made some phony phone calls. Howard asked how bad they are. Shuli said he sat through an 8 minute call yesterday. He said they're the worst. Jeff was all excited about getting a call from a girl named BJ. Shuli said he sat through a minute of it and it was torture. He said the person on the call didn't know it was a phony phone call. Howard asked if it's not funny. Shuli said it goes nowhere.
Howard said lets get back to the dead arm. Howard said Richard said he would play drums with the dead arm. Howard said he's not sure what to say other than keep them posted. Howard said they'd also like a piece of it for Jason to eat. Howard said he's sad but also happy that he won't be in pain.
Howard asked what this phony phone call is that they put up. Gary said it's to Jeff when they pitched a bunch of things for him to do with his dead arm. Howard was going to play it but Jeff said he said no to everything.
Shuli said the chick from Australia is coming next weekend too. Robin asked if he talked to her about that. Howard answered for Jeff since he had hung up on him.
Howard said they made a phony phone call to this radio show host, Kathy, and they asked her if she wanted to learn Japanese. Howard said he got her to say the dumbest shit and she doesn't catch on at all. Howard said they get her to say fake names and she doesn't catch on at all.
Howard played the call and they told her that the guy's name was Lee King Snatch. They had Kathy saying things like My B-Hole Stinks, My Dong Hang Low and Kathy is a Dumbass. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in with his brother David. Howard hung up as soon as he heard the two voices.
Howard took another call from a guy who he had trouble understanding. The caller was going on and on about something but Robin didn't get it either. Howard asked if he has a speech impediment. The caller said he's from the United States. Howard asked if other people have trouble understanding him. The caller said not really. Howard asked if he has a mental problem. The caller said he's autistic. Howard said he paints too but what kind of art does he do? Howard asked the caller, Talla, where he's been the past 40 years. Talla said some more unintelligible things. Howard said Wolfie is testing JD for autism now. Howard asked what the fuck this guy is saying. He asked if he has a job. Talla said he has a job. Howard asked if he has brothers or sisters. Talla said he does have a brother and a possible sister. Talla said his brother is in Maryland. Howard asked if he's autistic too. Talla said he is not. Howard asked if he gets along with his brother. Talla said he does but not with his sister.
Howard asked Talla if he ever gets laid. Talla said he has. He said he'd say he's bisexual. Howard said Shuli knows this guy. Shuli came in and said that he lives with his sister. He said that he went off with someone and got banged by a guy he hooked up with. Howard asked Shuli how he knows all of these guys. Shuli said he has a lot of people looking out.
Howard asked what the craziest thing is about this guy. Shuli said he had sex with his brother. Talla said that's true. Shuli said his father caught them too. Talla said that was a long time ago. Howard asked Talla who fucked who. He said he wants the blow by blow. Talla said this is what his brother did to him. He said it felt so good and so great. He said one time was like 20 years ago when he was young. Howard said this is like a porn version of Rain Man. Howard said he's not sure if it's really happened or is it something in his head. Talla said it's true. Howard asked if he jerked him off. Talla said he did.
Shuli said his dad walked in just as they were about to finish. Howard asked if he likes it in the ass. Talla said yes, it does happen. Talla said that his dad comes into the room and punishes them. Howard asked what the punishment is. Talla said that he uses the belt. Howard said it sounds like he and his brother are close.
Howard said he's against physical punishment for people but when you're banging your brother maybe you should. Howard said it must be really uncomfortable at dinner that night. Howard asked if his dad talked to him about why it's wrong. Talla said he talked to him about a dozen times. Howard said he knows what a dozen is.
Shuli said he doesn't get along with his sister so he puts his naked ass on the door knobs and stuff. Talla laughed. Howard asked if they come home and touch it. Talla said he wishes. Howard asked if the knob smells like ass. Talla said basically it does.
Howard said he has Andrew and David on the phone too and they apparently fuck each other. Howard picked up on them and the brothers were congratulating Talla on doing the same. They asked what his favorite position is. One of the guys said he likes reverse cowboy. They said they're twins. One guy said he showed his brother how to jerk off with his mouth. He said they're trying to adopt 3 Taiwanese boys so they're looking for money. Howard told them to get off the phone and go observe JD.
Howard said he thinks it goes without saying that this isn't a good idea to have sex with family members. Talla said he's a grown man now and he still gets along with his brother. He said they're close. Howard said he's more close than any brothers he knows.
Shuli said Talla thinks that Gary is keeping him off the show because he's racist. Talla is black. Talla said his mother is Chinese and black. Howard said he didn't know there was such a thing. Talla said his mother passed away. He said his dad is from Senegal. Howard asked if his mom died of embarrassment when she found out about the brothers fucking. Talla said that was after she died.
Robin asked who Talla dates now. Shuli said he likes Paris Hilton. Howard asked if he's into Paris or Perez Hilton. Talla said it's the female. Howard said Perez is available. Howard said they could hook him up with Perez in a minute.
Talla said that he's on medication right now. Howard said they have to meet up at some point. Talla said that he's on medication. Howard said he has to bring his brother in there. Talla also said he works for Uber. Shuli said he hasn't driven in 10 years so his dad drives him around to collect the money. He said he's a licensed real estate agent too.
Howard asked who he's voting for. Talla said that is very tough for him. He said that he knows both of them and he's known them since before they were candidates.
Howard said the brother fucker vote is a tough one. Howard asked who he's leaning toward. Talla said it could be Trump. Shuli said having a woman on the phone makes Talla want to masturbate. Howard put Robin on with him. Howard said she's going to say some very dirty things to him. Howard changed his voice to a female voice and said his name is Sandy. He talked to Talla as Sandy and Fiona Simmons. Howard was talking about how he was in panties and bra and Talla said he was wearing ''clothes and stuff.'' Howard asked Talla if he was touching his wiener. Talla said he was. Howard asked how big his penis is. Talla said he's 8 inches. Howard asked if he was close to being done. Talla said he doesn't cum so fast. Howard said he has all the time in the world. He asked if Talla was almost done. Talla said he was stroking himself. Howard asked if his balls smell. Talla said that he took a shower yesterday.
Howard asked if his balls were sweaty from the heat. Talla said not really. Howard kept him going and asked how badly he wants to put his penis in her vagina. Talla said he's not that sure right now. Howard said he wants to nibble on his dingle berries. Howard said he's scratching his asshole and loving it. Howard told him to throw up in his pussy.
Howard told Talla to call him the N-word. Talla asked why. Howard told him to shit on his tits. Howard was cracking up in the female voice he was doing. Howard said he's getting so turned on. He kept going with Talla and Talla was apparently still jerking off. Howard was moaning and Robin said she thinks she hears the dad at the door. Howard went into his mother's voice and asked if the brothers were fucking again. Howard did his dad's voice too.
Talla said something about his nephew so Howard, as Sandy, told him to put him on the phone. Howard said he hopes he's not really watching a kid. Talla said he's not. Howard kept going as Sandy and told Talla to tickle his piss flaps. He said his whole asshole is on fire. Howard said he's getting nauseous. Howard put his mom on the line with Talla. Howard did his mom's voice and talked to Talla about women with hair between their legs and how much she has between her's.
Howard did that with Talla for a few minutes. He had his mom and dad talking to him. Howard asked if he came yet. Talla was apparently not done. Howard said he has to get off this guy. He told him to tell his brother to get away from his brother. Howard asked if he came at all. Talla said yes. Howard asked if he came into a tissue or his hand. Talla said it was his hand. Howard said that's so hot. Howard said he came too. He asked if he's going to eat it of his hand. Talla said no. Howard did his Sandy voice again and talked about how hot that was. Howard asked if the cum was still in his hand. Talla said yeah. Howard told him to make a cum moustache out of it.
Howard asked Talla who he looks like. Talla asked who he looks like. Howard said Angelina Jolie. Howard said he has big tits. He said he looks like Perez Hilton. Talla said he still has the cum in his hand. Howard said he's looking at him right now. He said he is sexy. Howard said he looks like J.B. Smoove if he had been hit in the head with a train.
Howard asked Talla if he's ready to cum again. Talla sounded worn out. Talla said he needs some time. Howard said they have to get to know each other a little bit. Howard told him to throw his cum like Spider-Man and make a web. Talla said okay. Howard told him to make a cum omelet and cook it.
Howard asked if they're done with this. Robin said he just had gay sex. Howard said he did multiple times. Howard told Talla to call back again soon. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that's his good buddy. Howard said that Gary is keeping him off the show because he's racist. Howard said they have to lock that guy into a long term contract. Robin said she can't believe they hadn't heard from him before now. Shuli said he told him that his brother was finishing on his back when the dad walked in. Howard said that's the worst. Howard said he's read to go home now. They went to break after that.
Howard said New York has empty islands right off the city. Howard said go to Randall's Island or something. Howard said do it at the insane asylum. Howard said do it somewhere that people won't be bothered.
Howard had Memet come in to talk about the parade. Memet came in and said that it's like Mardi Gras but with kids. He said the boobs are out and people are drinking but they bring little kids to see it. Howard played a clip of a float blasting music and horns. Memet said you can't even get a sense for how loud the floats are. He said every person on the float has their own microphone so they're all yelling. Howard played another clip of more horns and music.
Howard said he's against all parades. Memet said he's claustrophobic and he was surrounded by people who are half naked and sweaty.
Howard played a clip of some women talking about how they have very good sex during the parade. Howard asked what Papi means. Memet said he thinks it's like saying daddy.
Howard played a clip where they asked some men what makes Puerto Rican women special. The guys were talking about how great it is to bring the family out there while they're screaming and music is playing really loud.
Howard said any mention of Trump gets people worked up. Howard played a clip of Memet asking some people what they think of Donald Trump. They all screamed ''Fuck Donald Trump'' and started chanting that.
Howard played a clip of Memet asking about closing down the parade on that street. One guy said that they can shove it up their ass. He said it's just one day. Howard said the problem is that they have parades all the time. He said they have every nationality out there. Howard said you have to think twice about buying a house along that route. Memet said rent should be free that month along that route.
Howard said that's some parade he covered there. Howard said maybe they're good for tourism but he doesn't think so. Howard asked Robin if she was along that route when she lived there. Robin said she did. She said they would park along that route for the people who were in the parade. Robin said you had to leave home because you couldn't get home.
Howard said he doesn't get how they can inconvenience people like that in a big city. Howard said Richard is going to a parade. He asked Richard what that is. Richard said it's a Mermaid parade in Coney Island. Howard asked Richard if he's still drinking. Richard said he's doing okay. He said he's curbed it a bit. He said during the week nights he doesn't drink as much. Howard said Underdog Lady is going to the Mermaid parade. Howard said he thought it was in Jersey. Richard said what's funny is that there are tons of naked people in that parade. He said she might get freaked out.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Underdog Lady about the mermaid parade. Shuli told Underdog that he was excited that they get to be reunited again. Underdog had a moment of silence after that. She just said a quiet ''yeah.''
Gary said that Ronnie told him that Richard is drinking a lot and he's not curbing anything. Howard said he heard he drank for 6 hours straight on Sunday. Ronnie came in and said that he had to stop at the bar in the airport when they went up to New Hampshire. He said he had 3 champagnes. Richard said it was one but 2 beers. Ronnie said he had more beer on the plane. He said Richard had more stuff in his bag with the little bottles of vodka. He said he guzzled some of those too. He said his face was red after the flight. He said he had more after that. He said the organizer gave them more to drink. Richard said Ronnie is like his Wolfie observing him.
Howard said he knows Richard hates it when he says he drinks too much. Richard said he's in control though. Howard said it doesn't matter. He said it scares him more that he's in control. Richard said he wasn't chugging. Ronnie said he was on the plane. Howard said he read about how the guys in Van Halen drank. He said he read that in Sammy Hagar's book.
Howard asked Richard if he's an alcoholic. Richard said maybe he is. Ronnie said on the way home they stopped at a bar and Richard had some tall drinks that he likes. He said they were 20 ounces each and he had 3. Richard said it was 2 but then Ronnie insisted it was 3. Richard said maybe it was 3.
Howard asked if drinking makes it more fun. Richard said it helps. Sal came in and said that Richard always has beer. He said there's a beer that goes with everything he eats. Howard asked if he would be alarmed if his dad drank that much. Richard said he probably would. Richard said he went for a run on Saturday morning. He said it inspires him to run.
Richard said he and his wife saw Underdog get off a train in Philadelphia. He said she was swinging her cape around.
Howard played more of the Shuli call where he was talking to her about who she voted for in the New Jersey primary. She said that's a secret. Shuli also asked the questions from Inside the Actors Studio. He asked what her favorite and least favorite words were. She went through all of those with Shuli. She didn't have a favorite curse word. She said she's never used them.
Howard said he loves her. Howard said he's surprised her least favorite word wasn't ''Howard Stern.'' Howard played another clip of Underdog talking about taking a shower and how people are supposed to do that 2 or 3 times a week. Shuli asked her about what she does in the shower and she said that's her personal business. Howard said she sounded like he was being a little sexual there. Howard let the guys go and said it's time for some news.
Robin started off with more news about the Orlando shooting and how this young man had a lot of involvement with the gay community. Robin said Gay Ramone predicted that yesterday. Robin said one person interpreting thinks the father is delusional too. Robin said he's said some wacky things himself. Howard said when your dad feels that strongly about gay people no wonder your son won't come out.
Robin read a story about a Baptist preacher who is praising this terrorist. Robin said the pastor's sermon was uploaded to a YouTube page. In the clip he calls the 50 people killed ''pedophiles.'' He also said he wishes the government would round them all up and blow their brains out. Howard said that's called the Taliban. Howard said he should go join them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he woke up excited for Stump the Booey and all he could concentrate on was Gary clearing his throat. Howard said he hears that all morning. Howard said Gary blames him for it. He said he's not sure what he does to make him nervous. Howard said it's ridiculous.
The caller said he's not sure what's up with Benjy lately. He asked if he's still depressed. Howard asked Benjy what's up. Benjy said he's doing a lot better. He said Howard's advice was great.
Gary said Benjy wanted to do another weight loss challenge and he's willing to get a sex change operation if he doesn't lose the weight. Howard said Gary is better now that he's out of the studio. Howard said he blames him for some reason. Howard played a song with Gary clearing his throat clips in it.
Robin read about what people are saying about the Orlando shootings. Robin had some quotes from Donald Trump and the Pope. Howard said he needs a special name like Pontiff. He told Gary to call him that. Fred played another song with Gary clearing his throat in it.
Robin read about the blood banks in Orlando being depleted so they're looking for more. Robin said the LGBT community can't donate though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how long Howard expects to work. He said his father is a sailor and he's still working at 80. The caller asked if this is the last run of 5 years or can he keep it going. Howard said it's enough after 5 more. The caller said they want more. Robin said they'll see where they are in 5 years. Howard said if he signs another 5 years they should put him in an institution. Howard said he's going to retire and become a painter. He said he's done in 5 years. Robin said he has to wait and see. Howard said the party is over. Robin said if that happens she will never see him again because he's not social. Howard said she'll nude model for him. Howard said Robin is right. He said once he's off radio he's going to be a full time recluse. Howard said he has to see what it would be like to have free time. Robin said he has plenty. Howard said he does not. Howard said he works on the phone Thursdays and Fridays and then he has Saturday and Sunday and that's it. Robin said that's plenty of time. Howard said it isn't. He said he's so jealous of that Letterman beard. He said it's like a ''fuck you.'' Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Anderson Cooper getting teary when he read about the shooting. Robin had some audio of Anderson getting upset as he read about the people who were killed in Orlando. Howard said it's horrible. He said he appreciates his moving emotion. Robin had some audio of Stephen Colbert talking about the people killed in Orlando. Howard said he's almost like a minister with his delivery. Howard said he likes Stephen. Robin said hate only leads to destruction. She said that you blame people for your problems and it doesn't make the problem go away. Robin had some audio of Jimmy Fallon talking about the Orlando shootings. She had Conan O'Brien as well.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he saw the interview with David Letterman and Tom Brokaw. Howard said he didn't see it. Mariann said he claims he has the beard because he hated shaving. Howard said he could trim it. Mariann said he seems very unhappy since he retired. Mariann said he seems very unhappy. Howard said he'll go watch it.
Howard said JD is arguing with Wolfie out there. He said he wants to know when this is going to end. JD said he thought it was ending when the show ends. Wolfie said he wants to have lunch with him. Howard said he has to do that. JD said no way. Wolfie asked if he can check his belly button for lint. Howard said sure. JD told him to get lost.
Robin read about today being flag day. Robin asked if Howard knows the Pledge of Allegiance. Howard said of course he does. He recited it and got most of it. Robin had to correct a couple o things. Howard said they said it every morning when he was a kid. Robin said only about half the kids in school say it now. Howard said our flag is the most beautiful. Howard said the Japan flag isn't so great. He said he doesn't like England's flag. He said it's wacky. He doesn't like it. Howard said the Mexican flag is pretty nice. Howard said he's seen that a lot at Trump rallies. Howard said Japan's flag looks like a tampon or something.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if he's using ''whoop, whoop'' off the air. Howard said he is but he's still a fan of Hey Now!
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Robin ever fantasizes about being double teamed by Clarence Clemens and Joe Frazier. Robin said those are not the guys she would think about. Robin said a double team isn't out of the question but not with those two. Howard asked if she thinks about having two men with her. Robin said sure. Robin said she was watching a movie called Love on Netflix and it seemed like hard core porn. Howard said he thought they didn't do that on Netflix. Gary said it's an arty movie and it's very graphic. Howard asked Robin if she had two attractive guys what would she want to do. Howard said they're hanging out and talking and then they start kissing. Howard asked what happens then. Robin said she'd want them to undress themselves. Howard asked if she grabs both penises. Robin said they're pleasuring her so it's not about her. She said the guys aren't touching each other or anything. Howard asked if she has double penetration. Robin said rarely. Howard said there you go.
Robin read about how Hillary Clinton is talking about the Orlando shootings and calling it Radical Islamic Terrorism. Robin said that people are upset that Obama won't call it that.
Robin read that Donald Trump isn't allowing the Washington Post to cover his campaign events. Robin said that's kind of scary. She said it sounds more like a Putin move than an American move.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary impression talking about his throat clearing. He said he's not as nervous around Jon Hein. Fake Gary was talking about how much he has to do before the Wrap Up Show. Sour played the Thompson Twins song that he missed in the game earlier.
Howard asked Sour if he went to McDonald's and tried to have his birthday there and they didn't let him do it. Sour said that's true. He said they have a bigger store in the district and he wanted to see Ronald McDonald there. Howard asked what time the party was going to be, twelve o noine? Sour laughed. He said it was going to be noine to twelve. Howard let Sour go after that.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton meeting with Bernie Sanders to let him know that they're going to be more liberal. Howard said she's going to do whatever she wants to do if she wins.
Robin said a contestant from The Voice was killed over the weekend. Robin said she did a meet and greet with fans and a fan shot and killed her. Robin said her name was Christina Grimmie. Robin said it was one shot and it killed her. Robin said she was on season 6 of The Voice. Robin said Adam Levine is offering to pay for her funeral bills. Howard said that was in Orlando too. He asked what the hell is going on down there.
Robin read about the Mega Millions being up to $300 million this week. Howard said don't bother. He said you won't win. Robin said someone wins eventually. Howard said the lottery is for losers. He said save your money and save up. Howard said people should be saving their money.
Robin read a story about the center for disease control marking hot spots in the country where the Zika virus could hit.
Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about why you don't leave your kids in a hot car in the summer.
Robin read a story about what millenials think of retirement. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what a study found.
Robin read a story about the actor who played Alf dying. Robin said his name was Michu Meszaros. Robin said he passed away at the age of 76. Robin had some Alf clips for Howard to play.
Robin said an episode of The Last Ship has been pulled because of a gun scene in it. Robin said they're not saying when the episode will premiere. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was just talking to Brent about his campaign commercial. He said it's so funny. He said when he ran for city council in Florida he had a commercial that ran on TV locally. He said he was wearing dark sunglasses and he looks like he just got out of jail. He said he has pale skin and the sunglasses on and he looks like a serial killer. Howard said it made him look cheesy and scary and the commercial looked cheap. Howard said no one wears dark shades like that. Robin asked if he had any political consultant. Howard said he didn't. He said Brent said he wore the sunglasses because it was sunny out. Howard said that's not right for the commercial though.
Howard played the commercial and said listen carefully to it. He said they have music playing that keeps playing in a loop. In the commercial Brent is running for city council and he's explaining why he's running. Brent reminds people when to vote. Howard said he must have talked over the restart of the music. Howard said there was no second take with him either. He said that was his first. Howard said Brent has been in radio for 30 years and the mix was horrible. Howard asked Brent to come in.
Howard asked Brent if anyone said the commercial looked weird. Brent said it was terrible. He said he didn't do the video production. He said he did look at it after it was done though. Fred played some music behind Howard and he had it playing way too loud like it was in Brent's commercial. Howard asked if it was public domain music. Brent said it was. He said he raised about $8,000 in that run.
Howard asked why they had the loop of music run out. Brent said he had the video production guy who worked for Bubba do it. Howard said he heard from Bubba the other day. He said they email. He said they just ask how they're doing.
Howard said Brent looked like a Mafia hitman in that commercial. He asked if he ever calculated how many votes that cost him. Brent said he didn't.
Howard had Fred play the music again so he could make another commercial. He did another one talking it up like he was Brent. He was yelling over the music and said that he's filming it during a parade.
Howard told everyone to go find that video on YouTube. He told Jason to put up a link.
Howard kept going as Brent talking over the way too loud music. Robin was trying to talk and Howard said he couldn't hear her. The music restarted so Howard kept going as Brent talking about his career.
Howard said Brent got 6,126 votes in that election. The other guy got 11 or 12,000. Brent said that he won the debate. Howard kept doing the Brent commercial thing and said he's known for shocking the pus and things like that. Brent said that he had a line about how it was for entertainment and fun.
Howard said he did the campaign from a cemetery because his campaign was dead. Howard asked what the fuck he was thinking. Brent said he wasn't. Howard said he thinks he could be good for government. Brent said he did too.
Howard did another commercial as Brent talking about using liquid ass on the Bubba the Love Sponge show. Howard had Brent talking about how he was dressed like one of the Blues Brothers.
Howard said that Brent's running mate was his driving instructor from high school. Brent said he was a really nice guy too. Howard asked how much it cost to make the commercial. Brent said it cost nothing and he got what he paid for.
Howard asked why he picked that music. Brent said he didn't pick it. He said he did tell the guy to fix it. Howard did another one talking about how he was throwing shit into a fan to fight for justice.
Brent said that he was told that he should run again in 2015 but after all of the Gawker stuff there was no way. Howard did another commercial as Brent talking about how he can't even hear himself. He had the music so loud he wasn't able to think straight. He did another one where he talked about how his ideas just suck.
Howard said he's watching that at home and he had to ask what he was thinking. Howard said he's a bright guy. Brent said he doesn't know what happened. Howard asked who the other guy was. Brent said it was Bill Dudley. Howard said he should have said he was Bill Dudley. He said that would have made sense.
Robin said she's watching the commercial over and over again. She said you don't even need sound. Howard had Fred play the music again and did another one as Brent talking about the awful suit he was wearing. Howard said if you vote for him he'll introduce you to Bubba's wife.
Howard asked if Bubba didn't say he looked odd. Brent said Bubba will tell you that you look bad no matter what. Howard said maybe he was right this time. Howard went into the commercial thing again and talked about how Brent looks like a white supremacist in that commercial.
Robin called it the unmaking of a candidate. Howard was still yelling over the music and making up more commercials for Brent. Howard said ''read my lips, no more takes.''
Howard was talking about Brent's shaved head and how he's running on the platform of no more head lice. The awful music was playing over all of them.
Howard said he had to hear the original. He played Brent's commercial again. Howard laughed when he heard Brent talking. Howard said he loves Brent. He went into his impression of Brent again and goofed on him a little more.
Howard asked about a note he got about him going to 4 colleges. Brent said he was in the military so he went to a bunch of places. He didn't graduate. Howard was doing another commercial for Brent and mentioned he had graduated but Brent corrected him on that.
Brent said maybe politics isn't his forte. Howard said he thinks it is though. He said Brent isn't that commercial. He said that it shows he's fiscally responsible. He said he didn't spend any money on that commercial. Howard said this music is like what they used when they lynched black people.
Robin said of all of the public domain music that was the worst. Howard said today's lesson is what not to do when you're running for office.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's good to hear Brent on the air again. He said he used to talk to him all the time. The caller asked if it hurt more to lose that or the kick boxing match. Brent said the kick boxing match was the worst. He said he got knocked out cold in 39 seconds. He said he took a shin to the forehead. Howard said he took Karate classes and he thought he was a warrior but he wasn't good. Howard said the instructor told him a 12 year old could kick his ass.
Brent said he thinks he had a concussion from that kick to the head. Howard asked Brent if he's worried about having that concussion. Brent said he is. Howard did more of the commercial stuff after that.
Howard said we're all sitting around like sheep. Howard said if he walked up to a sheep heard and asked if they wanted a gun to shoot the wolves. Howard said they're not going to say they don't want to fight back. Howard said they think the sheep dogs are going to protect them. Howard said the wolves are still eating one sheep a night. Howard said they have a gun free zone which his on a plane. Howard said the wolves got on with box cutters instead. Howard said if there was an air Marshall on the plane on 9/11 it wouldn't have happened. Howard said Nazi Germany happened in his dad's lifetime. Howard said it's not that long ago. Howard said imagine if the Jews had some pistols and AR-15s. Howard said maybe they could have taken a few Nazis out.
Howard said he wants the government to protect him. He said that most politicians have security to protect them. The rest of the people are sitting ducks. Howard asked if you want a fighting chance or what? Howard said he can't personally protect himself very well. Howard said he's a sheep and he'll admit it. Howard said he's not for taking away people's rights. Howard said that things aren't that simple. Howard said in France the population isn't armed but the wolves are. Howard said the wolves will kill you with whatever they can.
Howard said the only way to combat this is with Brent's music. He said it combats the terrorists. Howard said Brent looks so scary in his commercial that they requested security from Brent. Howard said he doesn't know the answer to any of this and maybe he has it wrong. Howard said if people are circling him he just wants to have protection. Robin said you have to look at history. Robin said none of these bans have prevented mass shootings. Robin said they haven't stopped crime.
Howard said it's the wrong time to even discuss any kind of rational thought. Brent said the police were heroes in the Orlando thing. He said that they ran in there when someone was shooting an AR-15. Howard said they were great. Brent said kudos to the Orlando police. Howard said Brent should have said all of that in his commercial.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a Green Beret and he thinks Howard is right about the people who think everything is going to be okay. He said we need to have the ability to go out and fight the enemy where they are and they're in our back yard. Howard said this is the guy to listen to. He said he's 100 percent right. Howard said he knows reality.
Robin said there are places in the world where they have this stuff going on every day. The caller said she's right. He said there are places where this stuff goes on all the time. He said the rest of the world takes advantage of us. He said we've become pussified. Howard said remember to vote for Brent Hatley. He did another commercial as Brent with the music playing too loud. Howard said the people who voted for Brent were trombonists. Howard said they liked that he was the only one playing their kind of music.
Howard said that is fucking horrible music. He took a call from Ralph Cirella who asked if people really need assault rifles. Howard said he can make an argument for that. Howard said if you're a Jew in Nazi Germany... Ralph said that was 50 years ago. Howard said it's happening in Israel right now. Howard said you know you're going to be killed in a concentration camp. He said Hitler was elected to office. He said it was legal. Howard said he was the head douche bag in charge. Howard said he rounds up the Jews. Howard said he's doing all of this horrible stuff to the Jews. Howard said if the Jews had machine guns to fight these guys maybe they could have done something. Ralph said we don't need assault rifles. Howard said okay, he's with him. Howard said now we take France. Howard said they took away everything but then Jihad Johnny shows up with automatic weapons. Howard said they shot up people in France. Ralph said they have to make it harder to get guns. Howard said lets get on a plane then. Howard said there are no guns on the plane. Howard said the wolves took box cutters. Ralph said less people would die without automatic weapons.
Howard said Ralph has a lot of action figures in his apartment. Howard started to make an analogy about that but he said he has to get out of this. He said there are such horrible monsters in this world. He said try as you might you can't stop it. Howard said that if he was being attacked he would probably be dead. Howard said there are people who have an ability to do something. Howard said he thinks he would be thankful. Howard said he used to ride the subway. He said the Guardian Angels were down there. He said they were keeping people safe. Howard said there aren't enough police and the Guardian Angels were there to help. Howard said those guys were brave and he felt safe. Howard said it's a very complex thing. Howard said we need to have more dialog. Howard said we have to ask what the solution is.
Brent said the second amendment says that the right to bear arms can't be infringed. Ralph said they didn't have automatic weapons back then. Robin said it doesn't matter because they were allowed to have whatever there was.
Howard ended up hanging up on Ralph. Howard said we're surrounded by animals. Howard said don't get fooled into thinking you're safe. Robin said that guy wasn't made overnight. Robin said when you're born into a society where you're told you're nothing it starts at a very early age. Howard said if Brent had been elected none of this would have happened. Howard said he really has to get out of this.
Howard replayed Brent's commercial and asked how much it cost to run. Brent said it was like $5 a spot. Howard talked about running spots for like $6 when he was starting out in radio. Howard said he was doing a show and he kept playing a record over and over again and they never got any complaints. Howard played Brent's commercial again and went to break a short time later.
Howard said we're all sad so when reality hits we need laughter. Howard said Fred told him Eric Clapton says he can't play guitar because it's so difficult for him. Howard said he watched him in concert a couple of months ago and he seemed good. Fred said it's hard to tell because he's so accomplished. Howard played a clip of something they made and Robin was looking at him like it was a real thing. They had Clapton playing the wrong notes in some of his songs.
Howard had a fake Jimi Hendrix clip he played too. Howard did the same for Jimmy Page and Slash. He had all of them playing as if they had nerve damage like Clapton. Howard said it's probably that Zika virus. Howard said he really didn't hear a difference with the real Clapton video he watched.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play. He said a couple of weeks ago he was talking about Bree Olsen talking about wanting to transition to a man. Howard said the boys took those clips and called a family radio show. Howard played the call and the show took a call from the guys who had clips of Howard talking as Bree after she transitioned to a man. They had Howard talking about chopping her tits off and becoming a man. They had Howard talking about how dirty and disgusting men are. The hosts of the show disagreed. They went to break after that.
Howard asked if Robin wants to hear from Wolfie who observed JD yesterday. Howard said it really seemed to perplex JD that Wolfie was observing him. Howard had Wolfie come in and said that JD thought he was going to stop around Noon but it went on longer. He said JD was beside himself. Howard said he isn't sure why he gets so upset. Wolfie said he was really over it by the end of it.
Howard said yesterday Wolfie was wearing a cap to look like an observer. Wolfie said he thought it helped him blend into the background. Howard said he had a big net too. Wolfie said that was for protection. He said that he was trying to protect himself from JD if he got angry. JD said he's getting out all of his jokes. Howard said he hasn't made a joke yet. Howard asked if JD took Xanax yesterday. JD came in and said he was stressed out from it. Howard said Gary didn't like being observed either. Howard said Wolfie did that during a live show. Howard said he found that he ate a mushroom omelet that day. Wolfie said that was the highlight of the day.
Howard read about what Wolfie did back in 2008 with Gary. He said back then he had notes about Gary having running jackets but he doesn't use them for any kind of exercise. Howard said he has some good observations. JD said that would be fine. Howard said JD is a hard worker. He said that Wolfie said Gary wasn't that hard a worker. Wolfie said JD stays very busy. He said he's doing a lot of typing. Howard said JD puts together a lot of clips for the show. Wolfie said he doesn't question his work ethic at all.
Howard said he heard that a lot of people there don't particularly like Wolfie. Sal is one of the guys. Sal got on Gary's microphone and said that he has an arrogance like he's better than everyone. He said it's really off putting. Howard asked if he's upset that he's working his way into the show. Sal said not at all. He said it's the way he does it. Howard asked if that's because he was upset with him because he wanted him to dress up like an Arab and walk around with him. Howard said people think Sal is wearing that Jesus ring now because he wants people to know he's Christian so they don't think he's Muslim. Sal said that is dumber than Wolfie's bit today. Howard read the email from a guy who sent that in.
Wolfie said he has an observation about Sal. He said he saw Sal put food in his mouth and then lick 3 fingers. Sal said he was cleaning off his hand. Howard asked if he's ever heard of a sink. Sal said he has wet wipes to clean his hands off with in his office. Sal asked if Wolfie has jizz up his nose because it sounds like his nose is clogged. Wolfie said he thinks he has a deviated septum. Sal said he probably got beat up when he was in school. Sal was going off on Wolfie because of that.
Howard said they wanted to see Sal's reaction to Wolfie asking him to go out as a Syrian refugee. Howard said he gets upset when he gets mistaken for someone like that.
Howard said he wants to go through this JD observation stuff. Howard said Wolfie brought them Mick the Nerd and he's done a bunch of other bits for the show. Howard said he doesn't care that Sal doesn't like him. Howard said Sal doesn't look Italian. He said look up a picture of the guy who masterminded the Paris shootings and Sal looks just like him. Sal said he's well aware of that. Howard asked if he was upset about that. Sal said when he saw the picture he did realize he looks like the guy and he was not happy about it. Sal said someone put that picture up and changed their profile name to Sal Governale. Sal said Wolfie wanted to put his life in jeopardy by putting him out on the street as a Syrian refugee. Howard said they just wanted his reaction to that. They weren't going to actually do it.
Howard said Wolfie also brought attention to Bobo not being a superfan. Howard picked up on Bobo and asked what his question is today. Bobo said he Googled Ronnie and he got search results about him being an actor. Howard said Bobo actually wanted to know when Ronnie was verified on Twitter. Howard said that's what he wanted to know. He said they did a whole radio show with Biz Stone from Twitter about that whole thing. Howard said they did a couple of shows about it. He said Bobo doesn't know that because he's not a superfan. Bobo said he remembers that. Bobo said he found it fascinating that he comes up as an actor when you search for Ronnie. Howard said he's such a liar. Bobo said he forgot about when Ronnie got verified.
Howard asked Bobo what Richard Simmons rumored name would be if he became a woman. Bobo didn't remember it. Howard asked which rock star's book he just finished reading. Bobo said it was Sammy Hagar. Howard asked how he doesn't know that Ronnie got verified. Bobo said he just forgot. Howard said he has more Bobo stuff from Wolfie but he'll have to get to that another time.
Howard let Bobo go and got to Wolfie's observations about JD. Howard asked how long it went. Wolfie was there from 7 until about noon. Wolfie said he noticed dust on every surface in JD's office. He said there's a pile of paper in his office covered in dust so he's not using it. JD said it's a lot of show sensitive information that he didn't know what to do with. He said he's going to have it shredded at the end of the week. Howard said he doesn't want mice nesting in there. JD said he knows. He said that he's going to take care of it.
Howard said it sounds like he's throwing that stuff on the floor. JD said it's not going anywhere. He said they have security cameras in there so they don't have to worry about it being stolen. Howard said luckily no one wants to touch his dirty stuff.
Howard said Wolfie also sees that JD has jittery legs. He tapped his foot like 90 times in one minute. JD said he was aware of all of that. He said he knew he was observing all of that. JD said he was in the middle of doing it and he was like just forget it.
Howard said Wolfie also counted a bunch of loud hoots from JD while he was observing him. Howard said he had an audio clip of that. Wolfie said most of it came from a reaction when Sal would do something. He said he appears to love Sal. JD said he does love Sal. Howard played some of JD's laughs that Wolfie recorded.
Howard said Wolfie detected some black ear hair in JD's ears. Wolfie said he did. Howard asked how old JD is. JD said he's 36. Howard said he doesn't even have any. JD said he's cut some of it off. Howard asked if his girlfriend has ever said anything about it. JD said she hasn't.
Howard said Wolfie saw some grey hair. Wolfie said it's kind of odd. JD said he knows he has it. He said it's been happening for maybe the past year.
Howard said Wolfie also noticed JD has small hands like baby hands. Wolfie said he looks like a squirrel when he's typing. Howard said he also likes to rub his hands together in a rhythmic motion. Howard had audio of that too. JD said he is aware of that too. He said it's just something to do. Howard asked when he did that. Wolfie said he does it all the time. He said his hands are always active. Howard said just when he thought he couldn't be more unfuckable he comes up with that. JD thanked Wolfie for that.
Howard read more notes from Wolfie about JD's office being a mess. JD said there is some mild organization. Howard said Wolfie said he rocked like an old lady in a nursing home. Howard said he saw some of the video of that. JD said Wolfie would get up now and then and he knew he was doing something. He said he tried to block him out of his mind.
Howard read that JD had bad breath yesterday. Wolfie said it was just in close proximity. Wolfie said that JD rarely stands up. Wolfie said it was like 2 hours into the show before he saw him stand up. He said he should do it more often.
Howard said Wolfie said that JD was greeted by people and he doesn't respond very warmly. Howard said he knows that. He said he does the same thing to him and he's his boss. Howard said JD is very unfriendly. Robin said they've brought this up before.
Howard read that Wolfie making eye contact with JD was very uncomfortable. Howard had some tape of Wolfie trying to make eye contact with JD. He played the clip and JD was talking about how he doesn't know what to do or say when people say hi. JD said he does say hi to them.
Howard asked if JD has allies there and friends. Wolfie said he didn't see him talking to anyone. JD said they didn't want to be involved in his observation.
Howard said Wolfie says that JD has a lethargic walk. JD said he wasn't very confident yesterday. Howard said that JD yelled at himself for pulling the wrong clip. Howard played audio of that and JD was getting mad at himself for fucking up. JD said it was a tape that Robin played during the news that he pulled for today's show. Howard said he's fired. JD said he gets mad at himself if he fucks up.
Howard read that JD stares at his computer screen all day. JD said that's what he does. Robin said then he goes home and plays video games the rest of the day.
Howard read about the meal JD had for lunch yesterday. He had turkey sandwich with mashed potatoes. Howard said that's not the right mix. Wolfie said it was a lot of carbs. JD said he admits he eats a lot of carbs.
Howard read that Wolfie got a hold of what JD had for lunch the day before and he didn't eat that healthy. Wolfie said he added up the calories for that meal and it was over 2,200. Howard had audio of JD ordering lunch. He ordered broccoli and carrots on the side. Wolfie asked if he was changing it up for him. JD said it was a standard lunch.
Howard said you can tell that JD was totally annoyed. JD said he just wanted him to get the fuck out of there. Howard said he agrees that JD changed it up for Wolfie. JD said no. Howard said JD eats Cheetos and soda for breakfast every day. JD said that is not true. He said he doesn't eat breakfast. He said he goes down for lunch around 11:15.
Howard said if Wolfie wants to do it right next time he should get a drone. Wolfie said that JD pushed him once. JD said he was being an asshole.
Will told Howard that he has seen JD eat Cheetos and soda for breakfast. He said it's happened in the last week or so. JD said it hasn't happened in a long time. Howard said it's time to go up a size with his shirts.
Howard said JD has to watch it with the carbs. JD said he knows. Howard read that JD got agitated when he tried to buy him lunch. JD said he just wants him out of his life. He said he's trying to be nice on one hand and kick him in the ass with the other.
Howard said Wolfie says that JD turned away from him when he ate so he couldn't see him chew. Wolfie said JD doesn't like to be touched either. He said he wants to give him a hug. JD said he doesn't want a hug. Wolfie tried to do it and JD said he doesn't like it. He said anyone else there can hug him.
Gary said that Shuli was monitoring Wolfie yesterday and he has notes about Wolfie. Wolfie said JD doesn't want to be tickled in any way. He said JD said he would fight if someone did. JD said he doesn't like that. Howard said he's with him on that.
Shuli came in and said he observed that Wolfie doesn't have a good home life. He said he spent 5 hours with JD and wanted to stay longer. He said he must not have a good home life. He said he's gone every other day. Shuli also said at one point JD snapped at Wolfie when he suggested a clip to pull. JD said it was a bunch of people saying ''whoop, whoop.'' Howard said he heard that he snaps at anyone who makes a suggestion. Gary confirmed that. Gary said JD will say ''Fine! Fine!'' if you do that. JD said it's more about not getting it right the first time.
Shuli said Wolfie drank so much water yesterday. He said he squeezes the bottle every time too so the plastic crinkles. Howard said he hates that. Wolfie said he just likes to drink a lot of water. Howard said there are people who think they have to drink a certain amount of water but you don't. He said you just drink when you're thirsty. Shuli said every 3 minutes you heard that crinkling.
Shuli said at one point Wolfie pulled out a green folder and stared at it. He asked what was in that folder. He said it was the only thing that took his attention away. Wolfie said it was his agenda of items he wanted to cover.
Howard asked JD if this was so bad. JD said on a scale of 10 it was an 8 or 9. Howard asked if JD took a Xanax yesterday. JD said he didn't. Shuli said he had to show JD how to open the bottle. He said that it was like watching a baby playing with a toy. He said he thought JD was doing a bit but he handed it to him and told him to open it. JD said Shuli had trouble opening it too at first. Howard had JD open the bottle. He was able to do it.
Howard thanked everyone for observing and being observed. Howard said he learned some things about JD and how hard he works. Shuli asked who Howard wants Wolfie to observe again. Howard said he would like him to observe JD every week. They went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Robin if she watched the new season of Peaky Blinders on Netflix. Robin said she just stared the new season of Bloodline. Robin said Orange is the New Black is coming back soon. Howard said he didn't get the ending of Peaky Blinders.
Robin asked if he liked the ending of Banshee. Howard said he'd have to watch it again to remember what it was. He sad he forgot about it already. Howard said Lenny Kravitz did a documentary that was really good too. Howard said that dude is so talented.
Howard said he has Hung Handsome Howard on the phone. Howard said this is him but if he was large in the penis area and as good looking as Brad Pitt.
Howard took the call from Hung Handsome Howard. It was audio of Howard that they scripted so he could talk to himself about the hot chicks he was with. Hung Howard was talking about hanging out in a hot chick's apartment. Howard asked Hung Howard what he plans on having for breakfast. He listed a bunch of stuff and said he doesn't worry about putting on weight.
Howard asked Hung Howard if he thinks about what he puts into his body. Hung Howard said no. Howard said you have to worry about putting on weight. Hung Howard said he eats what he wants when he wants. He said all of the weight goes right to his penis anyway.
Howard said he has a horrible looking face and a small penis. He asked Hung Howard what his dad was like. Hung Howard said he would throw the ball with him and he'd randomly hug him. He said he remembers him saying one thing and that was ''There's nothing you can't achieve'' and then he bought him a car. Howard said Hung Howard went to an all white school.
Hung Howard talked about working with some guys and hanging out with them on the weekend. He works with a guy named Sal that he hangs out with on the weekend. Howard asked how often he sees a therapist. Hung Howard said maybe 3 or 4 times a week. Howard said he thought he wouldn't need one. Hung Howard said he thought he was asking about fucking a therapist.
Howard asked how much money Hung Howard has. Hung Howard said he's not sure how much he has. He said hot girls buy him stuff all the time so he doest have to spend the money he has. Howard asked if Hung Howard hates J-Lo. Hung Howard said he's in bed with her right now.
Howard asked Hung Howard if he had to work hard all those years. Hung Howard said he didn't. He said he just posts pictures on Twitter and he gets money. Hung Howard said he hates haters and whiners. He said if he wants to take Ayahuasca in South America he's just going to do it. Robin said she's liking this Howard.
Howard asked if he's with Beth. Hung Howard said he's with a few. He said he doesn't have to do that kitten bullshit to get laid.
Howard asked if Hung Howard is funny. Hung Howard said hot chicks always laugh at his jokes. He told a knock-knock joke to Robin and she laughed. Hung Howard said he's just fucking funny. Howard said that was the worst joke he's ever heard and he gets laughs out of Robin. Howard asked if he has cottage cheese ass like him. Hung Howard said he does... He had Jennifer Lawrence eat cottage cheese out of his ass.
Howard asked Hung Howard if he hates the holidays. Hung Howard said he loves Halloween. Howard said he hates Halloween. Hung Howard also loves musicals and loves the snappy tunes and sitting with 1000 people in a small place. Hung Howard started singing some musical tunes. Howard said he can't stand this guy. Howard said he hates him.
Howard asked if Hung Howard has any plans this summer. Hung Howard said he's going to Burning Man. Howard thanked Hung Handsome Howard for calling in and let him go a short time later. Howard said next week they'll have small titted Robin call in.
Howard read through some of the email about the autistic guy he had phone sex with. He got a lot of positive feedback about that.
Howard said he got a lot of comments about Jeff the Drunk and his arm he's going to have amputated. Howard said he got some suggestions for what to use the arm for. Howard said someone suggested using it as a microphone stand. Howard said that would be too creepy for him.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about Jason and how he was willing to eat some of Jeff's arm after it's amputated. Howard read some of the email they got about that. Howard had someone talking about how to smoke it. Howard said they had Danny Cevallos on the Wrap Up Show talking about eating human flesh. Howard played a clip of Danny saying that it could happen if the arm is not infected. He said there is no law prohibiting him from eating it. Jason said he thought it was illegal too. Howard asked if he really wants to do it. Jason said not really but meat is meat. He said that if it's deemed healthy he would take a bite just to see what it tastes like.
Robin said half the meat he eats isn't healthy. Jason said he gets it from his local butcher so it's fine. Jason also said he agrees with it being low and slow on the smoker.
Howard read more comments about Jason eating human flesh. Howard said someone said that he would beat out Benjy getting fingered. Howard asked Benjy want he thinks about that. Benjy said he would do it for the glory. He said that he would worry about getting some weird disease from it. Jason said he just wants one bite. He said maybe country fry it up a little and he'll taste it. Howard said he would vomit. Jason said a lot of people in his family like tongue. He said that's kind of gross too.
Howard had Jeff on the phone so he asked if he's checked with his doctor about that yet. Jeff said he'll know on July 1st. He said that he'd be willing to feed the arm to Jason. Howard said he should put a big X on his bad arm to make sure they remove the right one. Jeff said he knows. Howard asked if he has any tattoos on that arm. Jeff said he does not. Jason said if he did remove the wrong arm he could sue and have a ton of money. Howard said he'd love to be in the operating room when they see the X on the bad arm and think that it's the good arm.
Howard read more email about the eating of Jeff's arm. Howard said maybe he can finger Benjy with the dead arm.
Jeff said that Natalie is coming to visit from Australia. Howard asked when she's coming. Jeff said next weekend. Shuli said Jeff has been drinking pineapple juice constantly so his cum tastes good for her. Shuli said that he's seen the girl and she has a beautiful face. He said she's a little chubby but she's attractive. Howard said that he can't imagine anything more disgusting than someone blowing Jeff. Howard said he's kind of a mess. Howard asked if she's staying with him. Jeff said ''I guess.'' He said it will just be one night. Shuli said it was supposed to be a week but it's down to a day now.
Howard asked if he's drinking pineapple juice. Jeff said it's fresh pineapple. Howard asked how Jeff can afford fresh pineapple. Shuli wondered how he can cut it. Jeff said he buys it pre-cut.
Howard let Jeff go and read more email. Howard had one about how upset he got about emojis. Howard said he just thinks they're effeminate. Howard said that's an insult to women so he shouldn't even say that.
Howard said it's disgusting that Jason would eat that arm. Howard wondered if he would eat a baby. Jason said a baby can't consent. He said he's not looking to eat a baby. He said that he doesn't want to taste a baby. He said he would taste any sort of meat. He said he is shocked that people are so outraged. He said his wife rolls her eyes at him but she doesn't take anything he says seriously.
Howard read some email about Memet, the homeless lady song and about Snoop Dogg throwing out a bad first pitch at a game. Howard said poor Gary gets lumped into that even when it's Snoop fucking up. Howard had a clip that he played where they brought up Gary after showing Snoop's pitch. Howard had a couple of clips where they brought up Gary's pitch after talking about Snoop.
Howard said it's funny that it's all Gary. Howard said it's a nightmare for Gary because no matter what they show Gary fucking up. Howard asked Gary if he would want another shot at that. Gary said of course. Howard said he told him not to do it. He said Gary had this drive in him that made him do it.
Howard played another clip where they brought up Baba Booey's bad pitch where he hit the umpire. Gary said these are all his friends who are doing this to him. Howard said he knows. Howard played another one where the announcers talked about Gary's pitch hitting the umpire. Howard said that these are major TV outlets talking about him. Howard played another one where the sports guy brought up Snoop and then Gary and other bad first pitches.
Howard read some more email about some bits they've done lately. Howard said someone liked when the guys did the phony phone call and got the woman to say crazy shit. Howard said they try to get people to say goofy shit and they got her to say Leaking Snatch and some other things. Howard said he wants to hear that again. Howard said she said a bunch of funny things. Howard said they had her saying that she's a dumbass too. Howard played that phony phone call again.
Howard said the Dixie Chicks had Flat Ronnie up on stage at a show last night. Howard said that she gave a shout out to him too.
Howard read that people loved Stump the Booey. Howard said someone said it wasn't hard enough though. Howard said people complained about the contestant's voice being annoying though. Howard said someone said she had vocal fry but he didn't pick up on that. Howard said The Bachelorette, Jojo, does. Howard had a clip from The Bachelorette where Jojo broke into that vocal fry thing. Howard said it's become a thing. He said OCD didn't exist but then it became a thing. He said it's a thing that women do. Howard said it's like an epidemic. Robin started doing it after Howard told her not to. Robin said if the woman was hot enough Howard wouldn't even hear that. Howard said she's right.
Howard said Hillary Clinton had it bad in an interview. Howard played a clip of fake Hillary Clinton having the vocal fry thing. It was really exaggerated. Robin said she has a real bad case of it.
Howard said he read the one about Sal and the ring. Howard said he had someone defending JD's shoelace tying and tucking them in. Howard read that email and someone said they tuck them in too. The writer said that's something he picked up in the military. Howard said he never heard of tucking in shoe laces. He said he just heard of the double knot. They went to break after that.
Howard said one of the guys in Lenny's band had a big afro. Robin said she was looking around on Netflix for stuff and she found that guy, Bob Ross, who used to paint the trees and he had that afro hair. Howard said Lenny was doing a song that he liked. He said it was called ''Dirty White Boots.'' Howard said he rarely watches a concert and sticks with a song that he doesn't know. Howard asked Fred to find that. Fred played it a few seconds later. Howard listened to the song for a little bit. Howard said it was really good live too. He said that song is good. He said he'd never heard it before. Howard said he had a few other new songs in the show he watched. Howard said that's enough of that.
Howard said he hates going out to musicals and stuff. He said he hates everything. He said he's not Hung Handsome Howard. He said his wife announced last week that their friend Andrew has an in to see Hamilton tonight. Howard said the star of the show, Lin Manuel Miranda, is doing his last week this week. Howard said yesterday afternoon Beth texted him and said the tickets didn't go through. Howard said now he has an afternoon to do whatever he wants. Robin said that he's rally missing out. Howard said he doesn't care. Howard said he has so many other things he wants to do.
Robin said sometimes you have to go out and see what other people are doing. Robin said that she isn't a pop music fan but she'll go out to see a pop show once in a while. Robin said she doesn't like musicals either but she will go if something is incredible. Howard said that Hamilton is like spoken word. He said it's like what Nick Cannon is getting into. Howard said he might have to call Nick about that.
Howard had a new spoken word clip from Nick where he talks about ''Fake Bitches.'' Howard asked what he's so angry about. Howard played some of the clip and said he's not sure why this guy is so angry. He said he knows Nick and he doesn't talk like this. Robin said she thinks he does. Howard said he thinks he's putting it on. Howard said he's afraid he's going to lose his job after stuff like this. Howard said he knows Nick doesn't talk this way. Robin said she doesn't understand what he's saying. Howard said he has read many memos from NBC and they don't want this type of language. Howard said they have to get him back on the show. He said he thinks he's making this just for their show.
Robin said it sounds like Nick got burned by the fake bitches. Howard said he's not sure why he's talking the way he is. Robin said maybe he's trying to stay in. Robin said this all started when he did the Spike Lee film. Howard said he's angrier than the guy who shot up Orlando. Howard said maybe he's pissed off that he left America's Got Talent. Howard said none of this was going on when he was there.
Howard said he has to get into that spoken word. Robin said Hamilton is music so it's not just spoken word. Howard said he's becoming a huge fan of spoken word. He likes when Nick does it. Howard said Nick is angry. Robin said these are rich man problems he's talking about in that. Howard said he needs bongo next time. Fred played a bongo sound effect and Howard did some spoken word. Howard said he hopes Nick is okay. Howard did his own ''Fake Bitches'' spoken word thing. Robin said she's going to do one called ''Fake Anger.'' Howard kept going with his rap for a minute.
Howard said he wrote a song. He said he was keeping a journal that he had to lock up. He said it's embarrassing. Howard said that he read about how you do ''morning pages'' every day. He said he wrote a song and it was very angry. He said it's locked up now. He said it's so embarrassing. He said he wrote a song about OCD too. He said if he had any balls he'd read it to Robin. He said he finally found something he's embarrassed about. Howard took a call from the guys in the back who had Robin doing spoken word. They had audio from her audio book.
Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody from Matt Evans. Howard said he's so talented. Howard said speaking of songs Ronnie has been talking about Titty City and now he will beat that into the bushes. He said Ronnie cut a ''Titty City'' song yesterday. He played the song where Ronnie was singing Titty City to the tune of ''New York, New York.'' Howard said that guy is a grandfather. Howard said when he hears him laugh the green light goes on.
Howard asked Robin if she cares that High Pitch Erik loves Wayne Brady. Howard picked up on Erik who said he loves Wayne Brady and Drew Carey. He said there's something about them. Howard said he's gay and there's nothing wrong with that. Howard asked if he's attracted to Wayne Brady. Erik said he is but more to Donnie Wahlberg. Howard had Gonzo Shitcock on the phone too and he said that Erik will just send him a picture of Wayne for no reason. Erik said he's not gay and he's not Bi. He said Gonzo slept in bed with him. Howard asked what's up with that. Gonzo said he was just joking around. Howard said maybe Erik doesn't know what gay or Bi means. Howard said it means you like men and women. Erik said he does love Donnie Wahlberg. Howard said he would have sex with him. Erik said that's beside the point. Howard said he has to get into all of this but maybe next week. He said if he gets into it it'll be a half hour. Gonzo said it is funny. Howard said he'll book them in for next week.
Robin started off her news with a story about General Motors adding a new feature to help stop children dying in hot cars. Howard said he thinks some people do it on purpose. Robin said she has read about some people who just forget they have the kids in the car. Robin said that the GMC Acadia will have a rear seat reminder so people don't forget that the kid is in the car. Fred played a clip of Jason saying ''I want to taste a baby.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's ever been asked to do a voice for an animated movie. Howard said that must be the easiest job. Howard said he'd be fantastic for that. Howard did a voice and said he's JD's Ear Hair. Howard said he could play JD's ear hair in a whole movie. Howard said he's grey and like 10 feet long and gross. Howard did the voice of a piece of wax that was coming out of JD's ear. Howard did another one which was the jizzum that lives on JD's sheets. Howard did a voice for JD's ass hair too. Then Jason Kaplan came to eat them all.
Robin read that Charlie Sheen has signed on to be a spokesman for a condom brand. Howard said he would do that. Robin said no one has tapped Howard to talk up condoms. Robin said the Lelo company has hired Charlie to be a spokesperson. Robin had some audio of Charlie talking about condoms. Howard said Charlie has said he can't wear condoms. In the clip Charlie was talking about how they can prevent a lifetime of suffering and grief. Howard said that's responsible Charlie. Howard asked where the Tiger Blood Charlie is.
Robin read about the award Jesse Ventura won against the book American Sniper has been denied. Robin said the judge who reviewed the appealed case has decided that some of the things that were said in the final statements by Ventura's attorney were not fair so they didn't give the jury the ability to go over it the right way so they reduced the award to $500,000 from $1.8 million. Robin said Jesse won't be getting more than that 500,000.
Robin read about how the World Health Organization is saying that coffee does not cause cancer. Robin said they are changing their stance on that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Nick Cannon and Hamilton are things for white people. He said Nick didn't make that for black people, he made it for white people. King said that they think Nick is acting corny but white people think it's cool. Howard asked if black people don't like spoken word. King said hell no.
King asked Howard for some advice. He said he has two Shih Tzus and one of them snaps at the groomer. He said they said they can't muzzle the dog so they can't have it there. King said he saw another dog there with a muzzle on it. He said they say they can't muzzle his dog though. Howard said maybe because it has a short snout. Howard asked if he thought it was a black thing. King said he did. Howard said he would probably think the same thing if he was black. Robin said King has to stop the nonsense. She said he's still able to bring one dog there. Howard said not everything is a black thing.
Howard let King go and took a call from Spoken Word Robin again. The guys had Robin doing a spoken word thing with clips from her audio book. Robin laughed and said she has no idea what she's talking about either.
Robin read a story about how kids are using Tinder and kids from 13-17 are now being thrown off. Robin said they claim that the kids were only able to hook up with each other. Howard said when he was growing up he tried to hook up over a party line. He said it didn't work. He said these girls told them to show up at the school at midnight. Howard said they did show up and no one showed up.
Howard took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who asked if Howard moans during sex. Howard said he does not. He said he's not a douche bag. Howard said he suppresses that stuff. He said Beth wants him to be a man. He said she would creep out so bad.
Ed asked if he washes his hands after he takes a shit. Howard said of course he does. Howard said it's so close to your ass of course you do. Ed said it means you have shit on your hands. Howard said he doesn't get shit on his hands. He said he has gotten shit on his hands before. Ed said he has too.
Ed said he wants to adopt... Howard said he has to get off the phone with him. He said people say they're annoyed by Bobo but he's annoyed by Ed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said yesterday's show was insane with the autistic guy on the phone. He said he was dying. Howard said he'll go down in history for that. The caller said he loves when Howard doesn't have people in for interviews. He said this week has been awesome. Howard said it's confusing. He said they can do both. He said they can have people in and talk. Howard said the caller likes it when they just rap. Howard said a lot of people wrote in about how they liked that phone sex with the autistic guy yesterday.
Robin said that Oscar Pistorius was in court and getting around on his stumps. Robin said his lawyer told him to do that to try to reduce his jail time. Robin said there are pictures of it on the internet.
Robin said Richard Simmons is setting the record straight with his transitioning. Robin said he claims he is not transitioning. Howard played a clip of Sour Shoes doing his Richard Simmons impression talking about feeling like a woman. Robin said he wrote on Facebook that some tabloids are falsely reporting that he is transitioning. Richard said he is not transitioning but he will be supportive of those who are. Howard played another Sour Shoes as Richard Simmons clip after that.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Richard Simmons impression. Howard asked why he's always in the water. Sour said it's a milk bath. Howard said the only thing that will convince him is if he takes out his penis and bangs it on the phone. Sour did that and then Howard let him go.
Robin read a story about a study that found that elder abuse may be more common than people think. Robin read details of the study and what some of the signs can be for the abuse. Howard said he doesn't want to be abused. He said if you hear anything in 20 years or maybe even 10 then do something about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a girlfriend from Haiti who wants him to come visit her there. He said he's scared shitless of the Zika virus. Howard said he should be. The caller said she can't come back until she gets a special visa or something. Howard said he can't wait to see the guy with a shrunken head from the virus. Howard said if he does go he should knock up his girl after getting Zika and then give them the baby. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a 2 year old child in Orlando was attacked by an alligator that dragged it into a lake in front of the parents. Robin said the child was playing on the beach when the alligator pulled it into the water. This was at a Disney resort hotel. Robin said the kid was just in a foot or so of water. Howard said they made it seem like they stock the place with alligators but it just got in there. Robin had some audio of an officer talking about the search they were conducting for the child. Howard said you don't want to be food for any animal. Robin had another clip of the officer talking about how the father tried to grab the child and he wasn't successful in doing so. Robin said they were visiting from Nebraska. Robin said there isn't much hope of finding the child alive. Robin had audio of Jeff Corwin talking about the incident.
Robin read about the shooting in Orlando and how they're saying that the guy who did the shooting had a current wife. Robin said she's beautiful too. Howard said that guy did get hot chicks. Robin said the wife says she knew what he was going to do and tried talking him out of it. Robin said now they're talking about charging her with something because she knew about it and didn't do anything about it. Howard said just stay home. He said no alligators or terrorists at home. He said it's a frightening world we live in.
Robin said the father of Omar Mateen is now blaming the night club for not having enough security. Robin said he also claims that the ex-wife is lying about how Omar used to beat her. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he thinks he's co-hosting the Wrap Up Show with Jon Hein today. He said he'd be a good voice in an animated film playing JD's ass hair.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Olympics are coming up and they are going to a land where Zika is. He asked if it's going to get here. Robin said it'll get here no matter what. Howard said it's going to be a disaster. Howard said they have Zika and some people aren't going to go because of it. Howard said he's worried that Al Roker is going to go and get his head shrunken. Howard said the only positive is that there will be babies with shrunken heads like Beetlejuice being raised for their show. He said they'll be on in about 25 years.
Robin read a story about Chick-Fil-A hasn't been known for being friendly to the gays but some of the franchises in Orlando stayed open on Sunday to provide food and drinks for people standing on line to give blood for the victims of the shootings. Howard said they're making it confusing to know if they should like them or not. Howard said Jon Hein likes their food. Jon came in and said he just had it last week. Howard said he supports gay marriage and all of that. Jon said he does. He said you might find yourself supporting something you don't like but they have really good chicken sandwiches there.
Robin read a story about how they're trying to pass a law in California that would stop people on the FBI watch list from buying a gun. Howard said he's all for that.
Robin read a story about a judge who gave that kid who raped a girl a light sentence. Robin said the judge has now been excused from hearing another case that might have been similar to that. Robin said the judge is the subject of a recall petition. Howard said he knows a lot of guys who want to get laid but call 911 if you see a girl passed out behind a dumpster.
Robin read a story about how they may get a Beverly Hills Cop 4 movie. Robin said that's after 22 years. Robin said the movie is moving forward with Eddie Murphy. Howard said that sounds good. Howard said that might be too old for him. Robin said he's 55. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.