Howard started the show talking about Leon Russell dying. Howard said he liked Leon. Robin said she met him. She said he played a charity concert that she put together. Howard asked Fred why he killed the song. Fred said he had to go to another page. Howard said they have to look into that. Howard said it's weird when he cuts off his music. Fred said he hears him but he had to do that. Gary said they can fix it. Howard said they've been there 10 years so it's surprising it wasn't done before. Howard said it's good news though. Howard said they're fixing it now. Fred played some hammering sounds.
Howard said he's sick of talking about Trump. He said whenever he runs into someone they want to talk about it. He said he's tired of it already though. Howard said he's read a lot and his attitude is that the election teaches us something. He said 50 percent of the country didn't even vote. The part that did vote was pretty evenly split. Howard said for every person who is happy there's someone upset. Howard said a lot of people are really hurting and upset. Howard said they're not living a great life and they blame the political system. Howard said their jobs have been taken away and the country may not be living up to its promise. Howard said people feel ignored. Howard said these people have nothing in their lives change after all of the elections. Howard said now people want change and a shake up. Howard said they want illegals out of the country because maybe they think their jobs are being taken away. Howard said there were a lot of people who were really happy and feel empowered. Howard said they feel they were heard.
Howard said all of the people in politics were put on notice. He said people are saying they're miserable out there and they're not being heard. Howard said if you're miserable about Trump being elected there are people walking around who feel like they hit the lottery. Howard said they feel like they're empowered. Howard said they're laughing at the elitists. Howard said they feel good. Robin asked who the elitists are and who are the little guys. Howard said this is what's going on in people's minds.
Howard said he ran into people who were all excited and think they're going to make America great again. Howard said all he knows is that there are people who feel like it's the right direction for the country. He said that's what's going on. He said the ridiculousness of the last two elections people were saying that they won something by electing a black president. Howard said for whatever reason they felt good about it. Howard said maybe they ended up with something better, maybe not. Howard said people feel good about it for a day.
Howard said when they went away on Wednesday he talked about how he wishes Trump the best. Howard said if he's going to make America great then go ahead. Howard said many headlines said that he tried to get Trump not to run. Howard said he didn't say that. He said he had some conversations with him asking why he wanted this. Howard said the man is 70. Robin said Howard always gets misinterpreted.
Howard said Donald Trump has to come through now. Howard said he has a lot of work ahead of him and he's 70. He said he's not sure any 70 year old would want that. Howard said Trump is the president and people are protesting. Robin said all you have to do to get bummed out is read the paper.
Howard said today is Waxing Day for Brent too. Howard said they have to get him in here so they can do that. Howard said he hates to see Brent go through pain but they have to do it. He said he had a bet with Memet so they have to go through that.
Howard said Richard was asking if they are excited to see how big Brent is. Howard said Richard has to be bisexual. Richard said he thinks he's going to be 3 inches soft and 6 inches hard. Howard said he thinks he'll be over 3 inches soft. Howard said he won't be getting hard though.
Gary said Richard just made this more awkward for Brent. He said he just walked in his office and now he has no words. He said he wasn't able to get anything out. Howard said if he is under 3 inches Richard has to blow him. Richard said he didn't know the stakes were that high. Howard said he has to measure his circumference with his mouth. Richard did that with something in his mouth.
Howard said he has Richard on the phone. Howard picked up and the guys in the back had clips of Richard talking to Richard. Howard said Richard may be beyond gay.
Howard asked if Richard wants to be there when Brent disrobes. Richard said he does. Howard and Fred did their Richard impressions and goofed on him about the Brent thing. Howard said Richard hasn't been this excited since Metallica.
Howard said Memet will be in there too. Howard said Ronnie in here might be a mistake. He said he might start yelling and things. Richard said he might just want to see Brent in pain.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he disagrees with him on Trump. He said that he thinks he's a despicable person. Howard said for everyone like this guy there's a guy who thinks he's great. Howard said some people feel empowered by a Trump win. Howard said he is the President and you get behind him. Howard said when George Bush won he was very opposed to him. Howard said he did the country a huge disservice. Howard said his behavior bordered on criminal. Howard said he thinks Bush was in on it. Howard said if you go back in history you'll see he may have done something criminal. Howard said when he won he wished the best for the country. Howard said you don't always get your way.
Howard said when Adlai Stevenson was running he could have been a great president. Howard said he thinks things would have been better with him than Roosevelt. Howard said Roosevelt built Camp David with the country's money and that was despicable.
Howard said he has bosses there that he wishes the best. Howard said you have to wait for the guy to get into office and hope he rises to the occasion. Howard said he doesn't want a Supreme Court that is going to overturn Roe V Wade but what is he going to do now. Howard said he can't start a revolution. The caller said they're saying they've won and get over it. Howard said you have to go on with your life. He asked what's going to happen. Howard said he knows people were thrown by Obama winning. Howard said he was a pretty good president. The caller said they never got over that. The caller said he now knows how Daniel Carver felt when Obama was elected. Howard said he doesn't know what to tell him. He said he has to figure out a way to get through this.
Howard said he got a note saying that FDR actually built Camp David. He said Roosevelt called it Shangri La.
Howard had a clip of George Takei announcing who was coming in today. They had an impressionist announcing that Jason Ellis will be in today.
Memet came in to talk about how he feels bad about voting for Trump. He said he went in thinking Hillary was going to sweep it. He said he thought it was better to send a message that she didn't have a complete win. He said when he did that he wondered wheat he did. Howard said no wonder Gary hates Memet. Gary said he thinks it's just stupid. He doesn't hate him.
Gary said Memet was so pro Trump for months. He said it was a waste of a vote. Howard said that's the dumbest vote he's ever heard. Memet said he took it seriously. He said he figured she was going to win and he didn't want her to think she had the whole country behind her. Howard said no wonder he can't find a date. Howard said that's a weird way to send a message. He said it doesn't make any sense. Howard asked if his father made sense to him and told him to be seriously. Memet said he took it seriously. Howard asked what his dad does. Memet said he's got a good job.
Howard asked if he knocked any sense into him. Memet said he did put thought into it. He said he reminds him of Mark David Chapman who was trying to send a message. Memet said he just didn't want her thinking she'd have all the power. Howard said thank you and kicked Memet out of the studio. Howard said he's never heard of such logic.
Howard said if you have a message to send you vote for her if you want her elected. Howard said don't get all hopped up on yourself. Howard asked what's wrong with Memet.
Howard said he wanted to say some words about Leon Russell. He said he has to take a break and then get to Brent. Howard said he has to talk about Trump Tower where they have two pens set up for people. He said one crowd is for him and one is against. He said it's become a new thing. He said there are kooks out there screaming and yelling. Robin said Michael Moore tried to get up to Trump's place to deliver a message. Robin said maybe he should have done that in the voting booth.
Howard said outside the Trump Building they have one guy who is for Gary Johnson. He said he's out standing there. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard introduced Christina who is the waxer today. Howard asked if a lot of people are getting waxed. She said that there are a lot of men getting waxed now. She said it's maybe 75 percent women and 25 men. She said men are getting all the hair waxed off. She said that they have a choice of how to get waxed. She said they can make shapes or letters. She asked Howard what he wanted to do. Christina told Howard what they can do.
Howard asked Christina if she ever gets doody on her gloves from the asshole. She said people are very clean so that has never happened. She said that she doesn't know if the guys she waxes are gay or not but many times they come with a woman.
Howard asked Christina if she ever sees a large penis and gets impressed. Christina said the wax makes it go smaller. She said the momentum the wax goes on the mood changes. Howard asked how big the biggest man was. Christina said she's not sure how big with measurements. She showed Howard with her hands. Howard figured it was about 9 inches.
Howard asked if men ever come on to her when she's waxing them. Christina said she has some who ask if she's available. She said she's not available. Howard said she had to think about that for a minute. Christina said she has an on and off relationship but it's off right now.
Howard asked if any men have become aroused. Christina said it takes away the mood when she puts the wax on. She said she's only had one person yell a lot. She said this should be painless. Howard asked why they would want that.
Howard asked if Memet wants him to get fully waxed or have an M for Memet in there. Memet said he'd prefer more pain. Richard said Brent didn't want his bunghole done. Brent said that's right. He said it's just the balls and penis. Howard asked if he wants to look weird. Brent asked how it can't look weird.
Howard said he's assuming that Brent has a big penis. Brent said he just made a bet. Memet said Richard was on fire about measuring it this morning. Howard asked if Brent cares about the Ronnie stuff. Brent said he doesn't care.
Howard asked if Brent was trying to chub up before the show. Brent said he may have. Howard said it doesn't work. Howard said it's weird to do that for your doctor. Howard asked Brent what he did. Brent said he was pulling on his penis.
Howard said Ronnie is out cheering in the halls for Brent. Howard had him come in. Howard gave Christina a plug for where she works. It's called the Elastic Wax Center and they have two locations in the city.
Howard had Brent prepare to be waxed. Richard asked him to take his shirt off so they can see his wiener. Brent got up on the table and Richard told him to pull his shirt up. Howard said Richard looks disappointed. Richard said he must be a grower and not a show-er. Howard said Brent has a very dark color penis. Howard asked if Robin can see it. Robin said she can't see it. Howard asked for the guys to put a microphone near Brent.
Howard asked Christina what she's doing. She was cleaning the area. Then she put some powder around the area. She said now she's going to put small strips on. Howard asked if his hair is very lengthy. Brent said he grew it out. Christina did her first pull. She said it takes 20 seconds for the wax to dry. Brent said he can see about why the heat makes it go down.
Christina said she uses 100 spatulas to get the wax on. Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks. Ronnie said it's awesome. Howard asked if he's bleeding at all. Christina said he's not. Brent was letting out little yells when she'd pull the hair out.
Howard asked if Christina smells any ass on him. She said here is no odor. She said he's a very clean client. Howard asked if she ever gets anyone who smells like ass. Christina said no. She said she's been open for 3 years and it's only kind clients.
Howard said she's pulling the hair off the shaft area now. Christina said she has waxed her ex-boyfriend and he never said it hurt. Brent said on a scale of 10 it was a 6 in pain. Richard said Howard has hair on his wiener. Howard asked if Brent has any on his shaft. Christina wasn't sure what that meant. They explained it to her and she said she's not going there.
Howard said about half the hair is gone and Brent isn't making a lot of noise. Brent let out another yell. this time it was down the center.
Christina suggested that he not have sex for 24 hours after this. She said that it can make you susceptible to disease with the open pores.
Memet asked if Brent's girlfriend was open to this. Brent said she is. Christina told Howard this is good for smells down there. She said it can help keep them away.
Howard said this new strip is right on the shaft of Brent's penis. Brent let out a little yell. Howard asked if there are more. The guys said there are a lot. Howard wanted her to get to the shaft area. Christina wanted to do something to make it look nice. Howard told her to get to the shaft right now. Christina did another pull right up the shaft. Howard said it's all over the penis. Brent let out a big yell that time. Richard said she ripped his cock off. Howard asked how much pain that was for Brent. Brent said he's alright. Howard said ''More shaft!'' Howard had everyone quiet down because they had to do more there. Howard said the wax is in a Cock-Pot. Christina pulled another strip off Brent's shaft and he let out a few more yells.
Howard said that was tough. He asked if there is more shaft. Christina said yes. Jason said there's blood on the shaft. Howard had her do another pull. Christina wasn't on the shaft this time. She was down to his balls. Howard said they must be the worst. Christina said they're very easy. Howard asked how that felt because she just rubbed his balls. Brent said the wax is hot on his balls. Christina had him hold still and ripped out more hair. Howard asked how bad that was. Brent said they're bad but not as bad as near the shaft.
Christina did more pulls on Brent's balls. Howard asked if there are any sexual feelings at all. Brent said not at all. He said she was right about the head of the wax taking that all away. Howard said it's all bloody down there now. Christina said it's just red, there's no blood.
Howard said Christina is now waxing Brent's left nut. Howard said he could never do this. Christina said he could. Howard said she'd never even find his cock. Brent let out a yell when Christina pulled the strip off. Howard asked if Ronnie could ever do this. Ronnie asked why he would go through that.
Howard asked what area she's doing now. Christina was doing the left nut. Howard said she's getting in the ball and under the ball. Ronnie asked how often you have to do this. Christina said it lasts 45 days. Howard said maybe it gets better if you do it all the time.
Howard asked Christina what she's doing now. She was doing his bikini line. Richard said it's so great he kept on his socks.
Howard asked where she's working now. Christina was working on Brent's taint. Howard asked if there were any dingleberries there. Christina said it wasn't stinky at all down there. Christina moved back to Brent's shaft after that.
Christina said he's okay now. She pulled more hair off his shaft and Brent let out a yell. Christina said there's more there. Howard said it's the bottom of the shaft. Howard told her to ''Hit 'em with the Hein.''
Christina did the pull on the shaft and Brent said it's not so bad on the shaft. He said it's worse at the base. Howard said he has wax stuck on him. Howard had Christina pull that off. Howard had her look under his cock and see if there's any down there. Christina had him pulling and stretching to show what he had down there.
Howard said Christina is right at the base of the balls now. Brent let out some yell when she did the pulls. Howard said Robin has to get under there now. Howard said now she's playing with his balls. Ronnie asked if Robin does that on her pussy. Robin told him to shut up.
Howard said now Christina is on the underside of the shaft and balls. Brent let out a couple more quick yells. Christina went in there a few more times to clean up. Brent let out quick yells for those. He said that wasn't as bad as the base of the shaft. Christina missed something. She had to go back in. Howard said that's where all the dingleberries are. Howard said if you're a fan of asshole this is it.
Howard said Richard just finished. Howard asked if there's more to do. Christina said she saw some areas she missed. She said on the top of the shaft he has some hair. She said he might be done with it by now though. Howard had her do another pull. Christina did it and Brent let out a couple more yells. Howard asked who is getting this done.
Howard said he looks like a dumpling. Christina had more to do. She said that she usually has people hold in a way that they don't have to go over it so many times. She said it's hard to go in there with Brent holding his penis. Howard said he's gorgeous now. She went back in for another wax of the shaft. Christina said she's a perfectionist. She was done after that.
Howard asked Brent how that felt. Christina went back in and waxed his shaft again. Fred played the theme song from ''Shaft'' for that. Howard asked Brent if he wants to model for them. Christina asked who is next. Richard said they should do Jason's back. Howard said look at that shaft. Howard asked if he feels sexy. Brent said yes, very sexy. Howard said look at that. Howard asked if Richard is in love. Richard said it's gorgeous.
Howard said he has the guy on the phone who blew Brent. Howard picked up and the guy was talking about how he can't wait to suck it. He said just wait for him to stick his tongue up his asshole.
Howard said you can find out more about Christina at ElasticWaxCenter.com
Howard thanked Christina for coming in and doing this for them. Howard said she must be the top waxer out there. Howard asked Ronnie and Memet if they had anything to add. Ronnie didn't have much. He just congratulated him. Howard asked if Richard wants to measure Brent. Richard was ready to go. He had a tape measure to do that. Richard said he's 4 inches. Howard said now they can see him in all his glory now. Richard wanted to measure him hard too. Howard told him to work on that.
Howard said Christina is a great waxer and he will back her telling Trump that she's not an illegal. Howard asked if she has a measuring after the waxing all the time. Christina said it's the first time. She asked if it changes with the waxing. Howard said he thinks so. He said he's much fuller now. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he loved Leon Russell. Howard said he had a David Letterman beard before ZZ Top and Letterman. Howard said they say that the beard grows when you're dead. Howard said it could get longer. Robin said they say that you shrink so it just looks longer. Howard said he knows Leon Russell looked homeless before it was cool to look homeless.
Robin said she saw Leon a few years ago and he was using a scooter to get around. Howard said he actually wrote a Carpenters hit song. Howard read about how he died and how he was 74 years old.
Howard said Leon was at the Concert for Bangladesh. Howard said he did ''Jumpin' Jack Flash'' there. Howard had Fred play some of that performance.
Howard had some of Leon's songs that he had Fred play. He played ''A Song For You'' and ''Tight Rope.'' Howard said his biggest hit was a song he wrote for George Benson. Howard said this was ''This Masquerade.'' Howard said he had a lot of hits. Howard said the saddest part in all of this is that Leon wanted to hear Brent get waxed and hear how big his cock was but he missed out on it. Howard said that's sad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he likes his song ''Back to the Island.'' Howard said he's not sure if he knows that song. Howard had Fred play the song. Fred played it and Howard didn't remember it. Howard asked why the caller brought that up in the middle of his obituary. Howard cut the song off and said the guy is ruining his obituary.
The caller asked if Howard heard about Bingo. Howard said he did. Howard said he's on Twitter. He said Bingo is Doug Stanhope's girl. He said Doug was tweeting that she's in a coma in a hospital. Howard said they were tweeting pictures of her in the ICU. Howard said she's got tubes in her and people are partying with her. Howard said they were joking about it but that's dark. Howard said maybe they discussed it. The caller said they were taking parts of her hair and making her look like a man.
Robin said they say it was after a cocaine binge and a party. The caller said it was at like 8pm in a driveway when she fell. Howard said she was such a sweet girl. The caller said it was her party. Howard asked if there's a shot of her coming back. the caller said the word on the street is that she's recovering. He said that he's no doctor though. Howard had him pretend to be one. The caller said she'll be fine.
Howard said there are pens set up by Trump Tower for protesters and people who are for Trump. Howard said everyone was upset and angry. Robin asked if the pro-Trump people were upset. Howard said they were upset at the protesters.
Howard played some audio of people yelling and screaming outside Trump Tower. Howard said he was willing to step down when he was running for governor. Howard said someone wrote to him that this could have been him. Howard said this person has said that before. Howard said he did think for a minute it could have been. Howard said before social media they had about 25 million listeners. Howard said he ran for governor and he was at 28 percent in a 3 way race. Howard said he was afraid he'd win and people would expect him to do something. Howard said he had to get out. He said people would want him to actually do something. He said he had zero bandwidth for doing work. He said he only had time for TV shows and movies.
Robin said they're saying that Obama would sit around reading policy papers for hours. Robin said that's the job and Trump isn't doing that.
Howard said he has some audio of some anti-Trump people. Howard said this guy was dressed as the Green Hornet. Gary said this guy was pro-Hillary. Howard said this guy said he was in line with the cops because he's fighting crime with them. Howard played the audio of the guy and said he was told to get in the pen and the pen is mightier than the sword. Howard said this guy had a lot of crazy conspiracy theories. He had a clip of the guy saying that he made a deal with the Chinese nationalists to take the World Trade Center steel and have it melted down and used again in his buildings.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy who thinks Bill Clinton is an assassin who works for the Bush family. Howard played that and the guy said it's in writing in some book. Howard said it's really hard to come up with this horse shit if you have a job. Howard said these people don't have jobs.
Howard said you have to listen to what's going on out there. He said a lot of crazy people have a place to hang out and spew stuff. Howard said he felt bad for Barbara Bush. Howard said there are conspiracy theorists who are going with Barbara Bush being the spawn of satanic orgies. Howard played audio of that guy talking about that.
Howard said they went to the trump supporters and asked a woman about why they should support him. Howard said this woman was like the JD of the protests. Howard played the clip and the woman had a hard time getting out her thoughts on why the Trump haters should support him.
Howard said Drew Friedman put out a book called ''More Heroes Of The Comics: Portraits Of The Legends Of Comic Books '' that he wanted to plug.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to talk more about Trump but Howard said he thinks he's done with that. Howard hung up on the guy a short time later. Howard said he thinks he may have been the Green Hornet.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he wants to do plea his rebuttal from last week. Howard said he tried to make a joke and it turns out he stole his joke from Greg Gutfeld. Howard said if you do that you should credit the guy. Howard said he could have said that Greg said it first. Howard said he tried to make it his own. Bobo said he didn't know if Howard wanted to attach his name to it. Howard said Bobo tried to take credit for it. Howard said that's very dishonest.
Howard played the clip from last week when Bobo called in with the joke about how Trump being elected is like being at a bachelor party and waking up and all of your money is gone and you don't know how it happened. Howard played Greg Gutfeld doing that material on a show. Howard said Bobo fucked up the joke too. Bobo said he did it in his own words. Howard said it's so dishonest.
Bobo said Howard told him to reach out to his fans to craft his questions. He said that's what he did. Howard said he did not. Howard said he didn't ask Greg for help. Bobo said he didn't have to. He said he just had to listen.
Howard took a call from Bobo's Toupee who said that Bobo's joke sucked either way. Bobo said he didn't know the fan police were going to be out there. Howard played a bunch of Bobo song parodies after talking to Bobo.
Howard said Bobo doesn't have an original thought in his head. Howard said Beetlejuice came out with Emojis and now Bobo has them but they look nothing like him. Howard said they'd have to be funny and gross to get people to pay for that. Bobo said he spent a lot of time crafting those. Howard said he has to show them to Robin to get her reaction. Robin took a look and said ''Oh my goodness. That's ridiculous.'' She said it looks like a good looking guy and not Bobo at all. Howard said Bobo has the bad hair and an overbite. Howard thanked Bobo and said no one is buying the Emojis. Howard said they're not good and not funny. Bobo said he's not selling them. He said he doesn't sell anything. Howard said Robin wants to fuck Bobo's Emoji but not Bobo.
Howard said Jason Ellis dropped by. He said he's always happy to say hello and hear what he's up to. Howard said he was straight when he came in the first time but now he's kind of bisexual. Howard said he had a fucked up childhood. Robin said he had a wife who he cheated on and now he's gay? Howard said he always has an interesting story. Howard said he's living life to the max. He said there's a part of him that really admires that. Howard said he had to blow his dad for something. Howard said his dad never let him blow him. Howard said Jason has had a tough life. Robin said his dad his dead and he's not doing anything now so he should get over it. Howard said he thinks if his dad did that to him he'd still not be over it. Howard said he has to take a break and then get Jason in there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked for an official ban on Bobo. He said that he's the worst. Howard asked if he should be banned for stealing the joke. The caller said he should be. He said there must be 80 percent of the people out there who hate Bobo. Howard said he enjoys Bobo but he might be the only one. Howard said he'll look into that.
Howard said he's going to play a phony phone call where the guys try to buy a rubber vagina/asshole thing from a guy who was selling it. Howard played the call and Richard talked to the guy about the item he had for sale. The guy said he only used it once but he cleaned it. Richard asked the guy how big he was and things like that. The guy was answering all of his questions about it. Richard asked him to slap it so he could hear what it sounds like. The guy eventually hung up on Richard after calling him an idiot. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Jason Ellis there. He said Jason works at Sirius and has his own show The Jason Ellis Show. Robin said she forgot about his head tattoo. Howard said he did too. Howard asked if he can grow his hair out. Jason said he could but his girlfriend doesn't want him to. He said he could grow it out really long in the back. He said he didn't like the way it looked though so he stopped.
Howard said Jason has found out that he has a great anxiety about dying but he does the craziest shit he's ever seen. Howard said it's beyond the level of Jackass. Howard said he was doing Ellismania recently and Jason was going to hold on to the back of a car with his skate board and he was going to go up a ramp and he was going to hold on to it. Jason said when he is at the peak of the jump he's going to let go of the car and land on a skate board ramp. He said no one has ever done it. Robin said it sounds very dangerous. Jason said he used to skate the mega ramp that's in the X Games. He said in theory this should work. He said it could turn out very bad though.
Howard said they tried to test the jump and the car crashed before the jump. Jason said that driver was the worst. He said he crashed into the landing ramp. Howard said to him cheating is eating a whole bowl of pasta. Howard said Jason takes such risk. Jason said he's only there for a time. He said he's not sure if it'll be a long time. He said he wants to live his life to the fullest. Howard said he was watching Jason fight Shane Colin. Howard said he had 100 pounds on Jason. Howard said Jason fought the guy who had one arm tied behind his back. Howard said he felt really bad for Jason. He wondered why he's doing this. Jason said this is his deal. He said he doesn't have jokes like Shuli. He said this is what he does. Howard said at one point he got hit in the hand and Jason knocked himself out. Jason said no. Howard said he did. Howard said it looked like he knocked himself out. Jason said the guy knocked him down 3 times. He said he got put on his butt from that. He said it was like being hit by a bus.
Howard asked if it's painful to get hit like that. Jason said there's no pain. He said it's all performance. Jason said he was trying to put on a show. He said he thought he was going to lose. Jason said he's just a radio dick head himself. He said if you get beat by a 45 year old radio guy and you're a pro MMA fighter then you're going to look bad.
Howard said what's weird is that he's constantly trying to prove himself. Howard said Jason put his cock in a glory hole at some bar. Jason said he doesn't do that anymore. Robin asked how often he did it. Jason said it was a bunch of times. Howard said the best outcome is that you get a hand job or a blow job. He said the worst case is that you get your cock bitten. Jason said that the other person is someone who wants to suck cock.
Howard asked where this glory hole was. Jason said one place was a place that had thousands of holes in the wall. He said it takes maybe 10 seconds to get someone to come over. Jason said there are never women there either. He said it's all guys. Howard said it could get cut off. Jason said he never thought of it that way. He said he never worried about that. He said he did get an STD from someone's mouth. He said that he didn't know that could happen.
Howard said Jason has announced that he's not having sex with his fans. He said they end up falling in love with him. Howard said it's not a good thing because they're too attached to him.
Howard asked how the radio show is going. Jason said it's going really good. He wants his own channel now. Howard asked how it's been going. Jason said he has a great team now. He said Will Pendarvis is working with him and he worked with Howard at K-Rock. Howard asked who else is there. Kevin Kraft used to work on Howard's show and he's on with Jason now. Howard said he's stealing everyone away from them. Jason said Kevin is very driven. He said he's a lovable character. He said that he has another guy who does organizing. He said he has a co-host too. Howard said he has a full team now.
Howard said Richard said he knows a guy who kicked a dick in a glory hole once. Howard asked if Jason is still doing outrageous things. He asked if he's getting married again. Jason said he is. Howard said he had a first wife and then a second who he married and divorced and then married again. Jason said he was doing the same things over and over again. He said Dax Sheppard helped him discover that he should be in meetings. He said a friend of Dax's was a friend of his so they wanted to do a scene where they punch a guy in slow motion and they asked him to do it. He said he's going to be in the new ''CHiPs'' movie. He said he gets punched in the face by Dax and it's all in slow motion. He said it's a good shot. Jason said he did it because that's his ability. He said he has a strong head that can take shots. He said he went to the after party after he got knocked down by Shane.
Howard asked how Dax heard about his issues. Jason said he heard him on the Stern show. He said he talked to him on the set of the movie about that. Howard said Jason had to blow his father. Howard said he feels like he's still punishing himself for that. Jason said he's dead now and he's working on getting past all of that. He said the sobriety thing is helping. He said it's over and it's time to move on. Jason said Dax came on his show and told him about being molested. He said that he told him that he was a user and he was still using. Jason said he was smoking weed all day non-stop. He said he wasn't being the best father he could be. Jason said Dax got him to go to a meeting with him and he went for it.
Howard said Dax opened up about being molested and he convinced him to go to a meeting. Jason said he's been sober for 164 days now. He said the first month was tough. He said it's getting better. He said he can tell that this is the only way for him to live. He said he's better to everyone around him now. He said even his kids think he's way better now. Howard said he must have been a real dick. Jason said he's a good father. Robin asked what that means. Robin said let your kids tell you that. Howard said he's not blowing the kids and they're not blowing him so that's a good start.
Robin said that drinking isn't being a good father. Jason said he's not doing that stuff now. Robin said it affects the way you behave so you can't say you're a good father. Howard said that's a sensitive area.
Robin said she was raised by an alcoholic. Jason said he has an 11 year old daughter and he's not an alcoholic now. Robin said he has very low benchmarks. Howard asked why he can't be a good father. Robin said you can't be if you're a substance abuser. Robin said you do irresponsible things. Jason asked Robin if she knows he's not her father. He said she's hiding behind the glass thinking she has it all worked out. He asked how her love life is. Robin said abusers think they have it all figured out. Jason said he has people around him who think he's a good father.
Howard said people think he can't be a good father. Howard said that's really annoying. He said you don't know how he is as a father.
Howard said Jason had Lenny Dykstra on his show and they went at it. Jason said he didn't even want him on his show. He said he heard some holes in his story though. Howard said he enjoyed listening to this clip he has. He played it and Jason was asking Lenny if he was on drugs now. Jason got irritated with Lenny and they went at each other a little bit.
Howard played another clip where Jason and his co-host were asking questions and Lenny got upset and walked off the show. Robin said he was polite about it. Jason said once the mic was off he said that he could probably take him anyway. He said Lenny can't help it. He said he felt sorry for him a bit.
Howard asked Jason about what's happening with his engagement. He said he's marrying a woman who has an open relationship with him. Jason said things have calmed down with that. He said he thinks with therapy and her following his lead have helped. He said he doesn't have the time for it anymore. He said he can't trust anyone anymore. He said he has some girlfriends he can trust so that can happen now and then. He said he's not doing random girls. Howard said he and his fiancee are acting normally. He asked if he's still taking dildos in his ass. Jason said of course he is. He asked if that's being a bad dad. Robin said she hopes he's not doing it around the kids.
Howard asked Jason about tattooing his fiancee on the show and how that came about. Jason said they were playing a game and he ended up tattooing '''Marry Me'' on her. He said they'll get married in the dunes near the water or something. Howard asked if this is going to work this time. Jason said it has to. He said there are things he's fixed about himself and he's going to continue to do that. He said he's totally honest with his wife too. Jason said he is. He said it took time to admit things to her though.
Howard asked if there will be glory holes at his wedding. Jason said no to that. Howard said it's nice that his wife is letting him do the other women. Howard asked how much more time he has left on his contract. Jason said it's 8 months. He said he has an offer and he'll be moving from a music channel to a talk channel. He said he's not leaving Sirius though. Howard said he thought he was announcing something. Jason said that they've been very good to him there so he's going to stay. Howard asked if he would go on Radio Andy. Jason said he's open to it but Andy may not be.
Jason said he has a podcast called Ellistronics too. He said it's a self help kind of thing. Howard said that was the name of his father's electronics store. Jason said that it's his though. He said that name is his name. He said that Ellistronics is funny. He said his dad had tattoos and went bald just like him. He said that they came up with a bunch of names and that was the best one.
Howard asked how often he's going to therapy. Jason said once a week. Howard said he's going 3 or 4 times a week because he's so fucked up. Howard said he's down to 2 but his therapist thought he should do at least 3. Howard said he needs a lot of therapy. Jason said Howard seems like he's pretty together. Howard said that's the worst way to be when you're fooling people into thinking you've got it together.
Jason asked Howard what kind of problems he has. He said he has a beautiful wife. He said his parents are still alive and took care of him. Howard said he has issues. Robin said there are people who appear to be fine but they need therapy. Howard said Jason is just recently sober and he has a lot going on so once a week doesn't seem like enough. He said he might as well not be in therapy.
Howard asked how long he's in his session. Jason said it's an hour or longer sometimes. Howard asked if they don't have boundaries. Jason said sometimes it goes 10-15 minutes longer. Howard said it must not be psychoanalysis. Jason said the guy does look at the clock a lot. Howard asked what's going on with him. He said he wants him to bring him in with him. Jason said he is known as the therapist to the stars. He said he's a therapist to some big name people. He said he's friends with some of those people. Howard said he should bring him in so they can wax him. Howard asked if it's Dr. Drew. Jason said no but he's friends with Drew.
Howard asked who his doctor is. Jason said he's not telling him. Howard said Jason is on something called The Jason Ellis Show. Howard said he's done it all. Howard said he has posted pictures of his cock on Snapchat. Jason said he has not. He has posted pictures of his naked fiancee on there. Howard said he should follow him. Jason said she's super hot. He said she has real boobs and a nice bubble butt. He said you're only hot once.
Howard said he heard he accidentally put his dick on Snapchat. Jason said he may have. Howard said his cock is all over the internet anyway. Jason said it is thanks to Howard. Jason said when Howard looked at him and George Takei looked at his dick like he did he knew what Howard wanted. He said he wanted him to keep doing it and keep fucking with George. He said it was all funny and they killed. He said to him that was a successful appearance. Howard said it was a win, win, win. He said George won, Jason won and the audience won. Jason said George's husband wouldn't allow George to come on his show. He said he invited George and he refused to come on.
Howard saw a picture of Jason's girlfriend and said she's really hot. Howard said she is a 10. Jason said she has a really nice vagina too. He said it's really small and perfect. He said her butt is nice too. He said her tits are real too. Jason said it's magic. Howard said he's looking for a flaw. Howard asked if Jason is really into the vagina. Jason said he is. He said he never sees a guy's butt and goes ''Yeah!'' or anything like that. Howard asked if he's giving it to her every day. Jason said he isn't doing it every day.
Howard asked Jason if he thinks he's gay and just hiding it. Jason said he's bisexual but he's really into chicks. Howard asked if he ever wishes his fiancee had a dick. Jason said never. Howard asked if he ever fucks her and thinks about a dude. Jason said never. He said if you have an orgasm from being fucked in the ass it's one of the best you can have. He said his girlfriend used to stick a finger up his ass and then that worked up to a bigger and bigger thing. He said he had a vibrating dildo in his ass and he had wave after wave of orgasms and then he came. He said he thinks he knows what it's like to be a lady a little bit.
Howard asked if he has swallowed a man's load. Jason said that's just a little too gay. Howard said Jason says kissing a guy is too gay. Jason said it's just not him. Howard said he says blowing a guy is not gay. Jason said it would be pretty hard for him to do now. Howard asked if a guy's looks matter. Jason said no. Howard said he's not gay then. Jason said it just doesn't happen any more now. He said he goes to the steam room and there are a lot of gay guys there but he doesn't do anything. He said gay guys like straight guys.
Howard asked if guys have asked him to smack them around. Jason said they have. He said he has a Grindr account. He said he shows his Fiancee the pictures that people have sent to him. He said that guys will show him their asshole and things. Howard asked what part of a man turns him on. Jason said maybe the cock.
Howard asked Jason if he's an addict. Jason said he might be. He said that he doesn't gamble though. He said that's the one addiction he doesn't have.
Howard asked Jason what the plan is for the future. Jason said he's going to keep doing the show and do some TV shows. He said he's working on some stuff that may or may not happen. Jason said he'd prefer to do something other than what he did on Ellis Mania TV.
Jason said the other day a gay guy wanted to fight him in the locker room. He said he gave his rats away to his fans and he said something in the locker room. He said this guy got pissed he was using his phone so he was standing there staring at him. He said he asked the guy if he was alright. The guy said he's not because he's on the phone. He said the guy was aggressively cussing him out. Jason said he tried to calm the guy down. He said he was in the middle of taking his jock strap off and he had a tiny penis with grey hair around it. Howard said George Takei talks about how he wrestles before having sex. Jason said that's more of a tussle.
Howard said he's going to work on getting George on his show. Jason said Howard should come on. Howard said he doesn't want to go on any other shows. Howard said it's time for him to relax. Howard said he's doing the show from L.A. though. Jason said he's doing a show there today. Howard said he doesn't want to do it. Jason said maybe Robin can come in and tell him what a bad parent he is. Robin laughed. Howard asked if Robin thinks that he's a better parent now. Robin said she will say this. She said that he has to get straight and that's what he's done. Robin said it's good to show that you can grow. Robin said maybe he's being a good parent now. She doesn't know. Jason said that's it exactly.
Howard asked if Jason is straight if he likes blowing guys. Robin said no. Jason asked if Robin is gay. Robin laughed and said no. Howard said she loves dudes.
Jason asked when Robin last had a boyfriend. Robin said since she was sick. Jason asked if her vagina works. She said no. He asked if she's joking. She said she's not. Howard said her asshole works. He said she went through a major trauma. Jason asked if it will work again. Robin said it remains to be seen. Jason said maybe she needs a guy who doesn't need to have sex often. Robin told him to go work on being a good father. Jason told her to work on getting that vagina working again.
Howard said Jason has done it all. Howard said he loves seeing him. Jason said he always thinks it's going to be his last time seeing Howard. He said that he has Sting and Metallica on and then he thinks ''Goodbye Ellis.'' Howard said they like Jason. Robin said they really do. Jason said he doesn't believe Robin. Robin said she would never say he was a bad father if she didn't like him. Howard asked how old the kids are. Jason said they're 11 and 7. He said they play soccer and take singing lessons and all of that.
Howard said it's fun having Jason in. He said Sting didn't have one glory hole story. Jason said he probably does have them.
Howard said Jason does a show from 10am to 1pm. He said he's on Faction 41. Jason said they have replays and on demand too. Howard wrapped up and went to break. They played Metallica's performance of ''Nothing Else Matters'' in the Howard Stern Show studio as they were going to break.
Howard said Robin and Jason have a weird sexual tension. Robin said she's seen that every time he comes in. Howard said he's a nice looking guy. Robin said he's destroyed himself with the tattoos. Robin said his tattoos meet around his neck and all of that. Robin said it's not her thing. Howard said he used to be her thing.
Howard said the head thing is too much for Robin. Robin said that was crossing the line. Howard said he thought she was into head tattoos.
Howard said he doesn't think he has time for the Underdog Game but maybe he'll knock it out quick. Howard took a call from a guy named Steven who said it's his birthday today so maybe he'll win. Howard said he has a Bad Santa 2 $500 giveaway to do. Howard said the whole cast of Bad Santa is back for the new one. Howard said this is the Underdog Pop Quiz Game. Howard said what they do is ask Underdog a question about pop culture. Howard said they asked her if she knows who Yoda is. Steven said he doesn't think she'll know the answer to that. Robin said it is a big Star Wars thing. Steven said he doesn't think this is in her wheel house. Howard said this one doesn't count. It's just a sample. Underdog described Yoda from Star Wars like she knew him very well. Howard said Robin forgot that he had a cat named Yoda. Robin said she did. She even forgot that she read Beth's book about Yoda.
Howard said next they asked Underdog Lady what LOL stands for. Steven said he doesn't think she'll know. Howard played Underdog's answer and she said she doesn't know what it means. She didn't understand why that had to be a code word.
Howard said they asked Underdog if she knows which singer is known as ''The Boss.'' Howard asked Steven what he thinks. He wanted to know what Robin thinks. Robin said she thinks Underdog will know it. Steven said he thinks she won't know. Howard played Underdog's answer and she said ''Bruce Springsteen.'' Steven got that one wrong.
Howard said they asked Underdog to finish this phrase ''Black lives...'' Howard asked if she'll know this one. Steven said he will ask Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks she won't know. Howard said it's been all over the news. Steven said this is not easy. Howard said it really isn't. Howard said he's got one right so far. Howard said if he misses this one he's down to the wire. Steven said he'll say she knows. Howard played Underdog's answer and she said ''I don't know how to finish that...'' Shuli had to tell her what it means.
Howard said Steven has to get the next two right to win. Howard said they asked Underdog who Brad Pitt is divorcing. Steven said she has to know this one. Howard played her answer and Underdog said ''Angelina Jolie'' so Steven got that one right.
Howard said it's coming down the last question. Howard said it seems to always happen. Howard said it all hangs on this one. Howard said Steven has worked hard for this $500. He said they asked Underdog what SNL stands for. Steven said he doesn't think she'll know that if she didn't know LOL. Howard said she must have seen it on her TV over the years. Steven went with her not knowing it. Howard played Underdog's answer and it was ''Saturday Night Live.'' Steven said ''Fuck!'' He said he knows the rules so he knows he's lost. Howard said he can't give him the prize. Steven asked if he can live with the fact that this puts a damper on his birthday. Howard said he can. He hung up on Steven and got in some plugs for Bad Santa 2. Howard asked how old he is today. Steven said he's 53. Howard said grown men should not be so into their birthday. Steven asked for one last question to win it all. Howard hung up on him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said there are people wondering if Cosby's blindness is an act. Robin said he's always holding on to someone's arm as well as his cane. Robin said he's doing a good job of staring off into nothing. Robin said he's not wearing the glasses but he is staring off.
Howard said he meant to play these earlier. He said it's kind of newsworthy. Howard said this coach named Nick Saban was talking about the election during a press conference. Howard played the clip and Nick said he didn't know it was election day the day before. He said he's focused on other things there. Howard asked if Robin would admit she doesn't know it's election day. Howard said that's like Underdog Lady not knowing what LOL is. Howard asked if it's even possible he didn't know it was election day.
Howard said the Bunny Ranch is offering a discount based on the Trump win. Howard played a clip of Harley Lane from the Bunny Ranch making the announcement. She said they're looking forward to making America great again so she has a ''Grab them by the pussy'' special going on. Howard said that's a fucking deal. Robin said that's very generous. Howard said they have such a great attitude over there.
Howard said Sirius stock was up to something so high that he almost fell out of his chair. Gary said it was 4.60 but then he said that was the estimate. It was at 4.48. Howard said that's a big leap. Howard said he remembers when it was 5 cents. Robin said she remembers when it was 30 cents. Howard said he never understands the stock market. Howard said they talk about how high it should be and it never gets there.
Robin asked if Howard has ever bought a subscription for a porn site. Howard said he goes to YouPorn where it's free. Howard asked how much better it could be if you subscribe. Howard said the free stuff is pretty great. Howard asked JD why a paid site is better than a free one. JD said the free ones are lower quality and they may be just clips of a scene and not a full scene. Howard said the clips are plenty for him. JD said he doesn't know then.
Robin said a series of pornographic web sites are the target of hackers. Robin read some of the names of the sites that were exposed. Howard said he only needs like 30 seconds to a minute to cum. Robin said that this hack is the biggest of 2016. Robin said the files were not adequately encrypted. Robin said they may have your information if you were a member of those sties.
Robin asked if Howard took in the super moon last night. Howard said if she's referring to Fred bending over in his bedroom then yes. Robin said the moon will be very big in the sky tonight. Robin said it's the closest to the earth than it's been in nearly 7 decades. Robin said it will peak at 8:52 tonight. Robin said they may not get to see it there in New York.
Howard said he's wondering how Brent's balls are doing. Howard said there was a lot going on down there. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to stand up to all of the bigotry and hate that Trump has. Howard said this has been a very heated election. Howard said people are feeling elated or dejected. Howard said we have a new president and there is nothing wrong with speaking out and protesting. Howard said that keeps a politician honest. Howard said he hopes that people are rooting for the President to do well. The caller said he has a feeling that if Trump is the pilot of this plane that we're all going to crash. Howard said just wait and see what happens. He said then protest or protest now. Howard hung up on the guy. Howard said Brent says he's doing fine and he just has a little sting.
Robin said that Amazon.com is going to have to pay back parents whose kids made in app purchases without their permission. Howard said that doesn't seem fair. Robin said she's not sure how you figure out if they did that or not. Robin said Amazon will have to set up a claims process to get money back. Howard said he loves Amazon. He said he loves the OneClick. He said he can click any address to send it to. Robin said it's not one click if you have to pick an address. Howard asked how you can't love that. Robin said she'll have to look into it more. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wants to know who has the best scream when they get waxed. He said Richard seemed to be the best. Howard said he thinks Richard was the best. He said Brent is very masculine and he tried to hack the pain. He said he did let out a yelp at times. Howard said he was fine with the pubes on the mound. He said when they got down to the shaft then it was painful. Howard said if you listen to the replay you'll hear that. Howard said he has to give credit to Bubba for breaking Brent in. Howard said Bubba didn't stand for any nonsense. The caller, Mark, asked if Howard would do that if Beth told him to get waxed. Howard said no way. He doesn't want anyone seeing his penis. Howard said if you saw his bald penis you'd think it was a baby's penis. Robin said he did say that his hair is longer than his penis at time. Robin said if he waxed maybe something would show. Howard said it would look too childish. The caller asked if he pisses on himself from that. Howard said he puts his underwear under it to pee. Howard let Mark go after that.
Robin read a story about how border protection agents will be sent to the border because many more illegals are trying to get in before the wall goes up. Robin read about how they're saying that some of the wall might just be a fence. Howard asked why he's doing that. Robin said maybe because of the cost. Robin said there's all kinds of things being said. Robin said there have been a lot of things about how the wall could pay for the wall or not.
Robin read about the protests going on about the Trump win. Robin said some people have been arrested after vandalism. Howard said good news for Jason Ellis... the wall will have glory holes. He said it'll be a huge tourist attraction.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he can ask Gary to stop eating while he's on the air. Howard said it is gross. Howard said he's always eating something. Howard did his Gary impression and goofed on him about that. Howard said sometimes he's eating Lox on a bagel. He said he feels so bad for those fish. Fred played some audio of someone chewing really loud. Howard asked if Gary still eats eggs with ketchup. Gary said he does and Jason does too. Howard asked what adult would do that.
Howard said Gary loves the Christmas party because they have shrimp. Howard said he's glued to the shrimp and sushi. Gary said he just goes up and down getting that stuff. Howard said then they have a big dinner. He said he stuffs these fuckers. Howard said Gary is like a seagull by the end of it. Howard said Gary eats so much they have to carry him off. He said it's like an aquarium in his mouth. He said lest anyone think he's the life of the party. He said he's just a bore when he goes home. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody after that. He continued to goof on Gary. Gary said no matter what you do at the party Howard thinks you're an asshole. Howard said he goes all out with the party. He said Beth likes the party. Howard said his mom drilled it into him that he should invite the spouses to the party. Howard said his mom told him that the wives were never invited to his dad's Christmas party. Howard did his impression of his mother telling him about that.
Howard said he can't even talk to his dad on the phone anymore. He said he can't hear. Howard said he'll ask his mom what's new and it's usually ''nothing.'' Howard said his mom says that his parents just talk about doctor's appointments. Howard said they've officially become old people. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about going to the doctor. Howard had her talking about taking Ben to the doctor and how they were going to call them with the results of the test. They got a call on ''the machine'' while she was out shopping. Howard's mom said she listened to it and she doesn't know how to listen to it. She said Ben can't hear anything. The doctor says they need to come in to get the results. He said his mom calls the office and they say that the doctor is at his other office. Then she made an appointment at the other office. They drove to the office and she asked the girl where their appointment was. It wasn't there according to the nurse. She went to the wrong office. Howard said his mother said they get in the car and go to the other office. They sat and waited and then the doctor asked why they were there. She tells him what happened and then he says that he didn't call and it must have been another doctor. Howard said she got this all mixed up because of ''the machine'' she got the message on.
Howard said his mother said that she can't forgive herself for that. She asked how she would have known. Howard said he told her it was okay. He went on doing the impression of his mother complaining about that. Howard said he told her she missed nothing and tomorrow will be the same thing. Howard said that story was like a 3 hour story. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was Trump's campaign manager saying she's disappointed in the people who are out protesting. Robin said she thinks this woman should stop complaining and just be happy they won. Robin said it's not adding anything to the conversation.
Robin said Trump is meeting with leaders from around the world. Robin read about some of the people who he's meeting with.
Robin said Saturday Night Live has had a lot to say during the election. Robin said on Saturday they had Kate McKinnon pretending to be Hillary Clinton and doing a tribute to Leonard Cohen at the same time. Howard said he didn't see that. Robin had an audio clip of Kate singing. Howard asked if this was funny. Robin said no. Howard asked what the hell was going on. Robin said they were mourning.
Robin said Dave Chappelle was hosting Saturday Night Live. She said he was very funny but also serious. Robin had a clip of Dave doing stand up on the show. Robin said he also gave a little lecture to the incoming president. Robin said Dave said he's going to wait and see what happens. Howard said he heard a TV station censored some of his monologue. Robin asked what was censored. Howard said he'd like to hear it. Gary said JD has the monologue. Gary said he used the N-word and ''Grab them by the pussy'' too. Howard said it was censored 9 times according to what he's reading. Robin said it wasn't censored there in New York. Robin said they heard all of that in New York.
Robin read a story about Trump saying he might be willing to keep some of Obamacare after reading up on it. Robin said the parts he wants to keep are the republican parts. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about some people seeing a white guy at the protests and they didn't like that so much. Robin said they assumed he was a Trump supporter. Robin had Howard play some audio of someone screaming at people to beat his ass for voting for Trump. Robin said you can see people beating and kicking the guy. Robin said we have to agree that you vote who you want and they don't get beaten up. Fred played Robin's theme music while she talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was wondering if Robin sucks on her own nipples when she's having sex. Howard asked if she's done that. Robin said no. The caller said his wife does it and he cums so fast when she does it. Howard said she's doing it for him as a little show. He said it's either that or she wants him to finish fast.
Robin read a story about how Trump has said he's pro life and his Supreme Court nominees will be as well. Robin said he's also saying he won't take a salary while he's president. Howard said he found that interesting. Robin had audio of Trump saying he'll take one dollar because he has to but that's it. Robin said he's also going to forego family vacations. Robin had audio of him talking about how much work there is to do and how he won't be big on vacations.
Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult says she wants Trump's salary. Howard asked if that's right. Fred played Wendy saying ''yes'' over and over to his questions.
Robin said that Trump is also backing down on his promise to lock Hillary Clinton up. Howard said he's glad to hear that. Robin said if the President spent time doing that it's not a good thing. Robin had audio of Trump talking about how they're good people and he doesn't want to hurt them.
Robin said Rudy Giuliani was saying that the protesters might be paid professionals. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin said there's a psychologist who is giving advice on how to tell their kids about the election. Robin had Howard play some audio of that person talking about that.
Howard asked if any other president has ever refused a salary. Fred said that Herbert Hoover and JFK both turned it down.
Robin had audio of Trump telling his supporters to ''stop it'' when it comes to taking matters into their own hands. Robin said there were swastikas painted on doors at a school in New York City. Fred played some clips of High Pitch Erik saying ''Stop it, stop it'' to his dog. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin said there was a teacher in Los Angeles who told students their parents would be deported after the election. Robin said they have audio of the teacher talking about how he has all of their addresses so he can turn them in and deport them.
Robin had some audio of Bernie Sanders talking about how he's going to try to work with the President. Robin had some audio of Bernie talking about that. Robin also had more audio of Trump talking about how he's going to continue to tweet and you can't stop him.
Robin said that Trump has said that he can't bring back manufacturing here but he might be able to bring back construction. Robin said he's also looking at ways to quit the global climate deal as quickly as he can.
Robin said they say that the Russians are announcing that they had a lot to do with the election and they had contact with a lot of there operatives. Robin had audio of Rudy Giuliani talking about how he never saw any of that.
Robin said a group of bikers rescued Bruce Springsteen from the side of the road when his motorcycle broke down. Robin said they tried to get the bike running but it didn't work so they gave him a lift to a local bar. Howard said he's reading his book and it's not that unusual for him. Howard said Bruce didn't learn to drive until he was in his 20s. He said Bruce spent most of his teenage years hitchhiking. Robin said the guys who picked him up said he is a nice guy and he's down to earth. Howard said every time he tried to hitchhike he got gang raped.
Robin said that interest in going to Mars has gone up since the election. Robin said the National Geographic channel says that sign ups to Mars have gone up over the past week. Robin said the problem is that they won't have a manned mission to Mars for at least a decade. The trip there will be 7 months long too. Howard said he signed Sal up for a trip there.
Robin read a story about some pop stars trying to get the electoral college to recognize the popular vote. Robin said she doesn't think this will have any effect.
Robin read a story about Katy Perry donating $10,000 to planned parenthood. Robin said that she posted on Instagram that it's time to turn to action.
Robin read a story about a commercial marijuana grower who was assaulted and killed on Friday. Robin said 100 pounds of his marijuana is missing.
Robin said Doctor Strange is having a wonderful time at the box office. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. Howard said he does want to see it. He said he's sitting in his house. He said if he was going to rush out and see something that would be it. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about the front page of the newspaper having a story about what's going on there at Trump's building. Howard said he has his own floor there and the Secret Service has cut off two city blocks around the building. Howard said for people who live in North Carolina it has a ton of people there. Howard said it's like a moat. He said you can't cross into those areas. Robin said in Washington DC you can't get near the White House. Howard said that's different. Robin said it's like what they've done here though. Howard said he's supposed to go to a restaurant near there and he's not sure how he's going to get there.
Howard said there are businesses near there that have to close early because of this. Howard said he's not sure how this is going to work. Robin said there were people saying that Trump is going to stay there and not in the White House. Howard said people are going to have to close businesses. Howard said Ronnie was wondering how he was going to get anywhere. Robin said they've been going out of their way to drive away from that area. Robin said it's not safe and not convenient.
Howard said it's unbelievable what's going on. Howard said someone was saying that Mayor de Blasio has to get involved. Howard said people are freaking out. Robin said today the Vice President Elect is coming to the city so it's going to be even worse. Howard said most New Yorkers didn't even vote for him. Howard said he'd go to West Virginia or something. Howard said it's crazy and nuts out there. He said it's like a moat around those blocks. Howard said they have trucks and police around there. He said the building isn't terrorist proof. He said if the President is staying there they will have to divert air traffic too. Robin said they've already done that. Robin said they are perplexed on how to secure that building.
Howard said if you're going to stay in the city then take your chances like the rest of them. Robin said he can't tell the president what to do. Howard said de Blasio may have to ban the president. Howard said this is some major stuff. He said they have the city blocked off. Howard said it can't exist like this for four years. He said it's already a disaster.
Howard said he hasn't seen Dave Chappelle on Saturday Night Live yet. He said he is a fan of Dave's though. Howard said in North Carolina they edited his monologue. Howard said they have a guy sitting there who is in charge of indecency or something and he must have worked for K-Rock previously. Howard said back when they were at K-Rock they had guys who were like this.
Howard played an example of how the channel chopped up Dave's stand up on Saturday Night Live. Howard played the live feed from New York and then the edited version from North Carolina's feed. They cut out the entire joke. Howard said they were trying to cut out the N-word there but they took out everything.
Howard said the same station edited out ''Grab them by the pussy'' too. Howard said they missed the word ''pussy.'' Howard played that clip too.
Howard said the other interesting thing with Trump is that Yoko Ono tweeted out a response to the new President Elect. Howard played the clip and it was Yoko making noises. It was just yelling and moaning. Howard said everyone was waiting for that. Robin said that's her response to the election.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's trying to get home to his apartment near Trump's building. He was crying and said it's been 3 days now. He protested like Yoko by making the noises like she did.
Howard said he was asking Ronnie about the traffic and he was saying it was because of the Trump situation. Howard said Ronnie gets around the city and it's terrific but he's very hopped up about it.
Howard said he's even having a lot of back problems lately. He said he had to read Dr. Sarno's books again. Howard said it's a struggle but it helps to read those books. Howard said the pain is real but it's not caused by what you think it's caused by. He said the brain works in weird ways. He said the brain is cutting off at the nerves and tendons the oxygen that they need. Howard said doctors tell you that you have a problem and they put you though stuff. Howard said you have to address it mentally according to Dr. Sarno. Howard said it's good to get in touch with what's bothering you so that's why he's reading.
Howard said he has another group of books from this other guy Steven Ray Ozanich. He said he has some books that are a good read. Howard said Dr. Sarno is getting older and he's retired now. Howard said he's really having a lot of trouble with his back. Robin said Howard used to have to lay on the floor. Howard said it's back and it's been going on for months. He said he finally had to acknowledge it.
Howard said he had a good day yesterday. He said he got a handle on it. He said it's very liberating. Howard said people thought he sounded like he was shot out of cannon yesterday. He said he's telling people this because if you're struggling then try Dr. Sarno's book. Howard said this guy Steven too.
Howard asked if Ronnie the Robot is there. Ronnie said he is there. He told Howard how much RAM he has and said he's ramming it down his throat. Howard asked what he thought of Brent getting waxed yesterday. Ronnie said he's fine. Fine for a bald rat. He told Brent to eat shit.
Howard asked Ronnie the Robot if he can do anything new with his new software. Ronnie said he can rate hot pussy. He rated Megyn Kelly saying that she relates to his ball sack. Howard asked about Maria Menounos. Ronnie said she can munch his ass.
Howard asked about Vanna White. Ronnie the Robot said if only he had a time machine. Robin asked who taught him to speak. Ronnie told Robin to go fuck herself.
Howard asked about Hillary Clinton. Ronnie said ''Error. Boner kill.'' Howard asked about Melania Trump. Ronnie said she can eat his USB slot while he eats her penis slot. He kept telling Robin to go fuck herself too.
Howard asked what's going on here. He asked Ronnie what he thinks about ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Ronnie said it's bullshit and ''Grab them by the pussy!'' is where it's at.
Ronnie and Siri had a quick conversation and then Ronnie said that he's ejecting cum a few times. Ronnie also said ''Make America squirt again'' as his slogan.
Howard asked Ronnie about how they're going to get down 5th avenue. Ronnie said he's going into sleep mode. Ronnie was doing his own material and saying ''Fuck you'' to Robin over and over. He ran out of lines so Howard let him leave.
Howard said he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said this Friday on Howard 101 they have a special Metallica concert coming up. He had Fred playing a little horn sound for the announcement. Fred said Stuttering John did that with his lips. Howard didn't know that. He said that's impressive. Howard said he knew there was a reason they hired him on the Tonight Show. Howard said they recorded this concert at Webster Hall. Howard said they'll be playing the concert over the weekend on Howard 101. Howard said they have all of their biggies. Howard played some clips from the concert. He said they have Master of Puppets, Enter Sandman, One and more.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they need to ban Bobo for the rest of eternity. Howard said Bobo did get a lot of hate mail yesterday. He said they feel he committed a crime against the show by stealing Greg Gutfeld's show. The caller said he steals from a lot of shows. Howard had Bobo on the line so Bobo said he doesn't steal nothing. Howard said he did steal. Bobo said that's not stealing. He said anything that's out there is up for grabs. Howard said he called in saying it was an original thought. Bobo said he didn't. Bobo said he said it took him 12 minutes to come up with. He said he didn't say it was original. Howard said it's a major thing to do that. Bobo said he didn't think to credit the guy. He said he didn't think he'd want him to attach the name to the show.
The caller was yelling at Bobo so Howard played a Metallica song parody about Bobo over them. Howard read some of the email they got about Bobo. Howard said they want him to cut him off for a season or two. Howard said someone said they need a Bobo Free Winter. Howard said this caller, David, isn't the only one who feels this way. Bobo said Fred has to have some positives in there. Fred said there were none.
Howard played a song parody about Bobo from Psych. Howard said he has someone on the phone to yell at Bobo. Howard picked up and it was a Bobo impersonator. The guy said he's going off the roof and it's out there in the ether. Howard said Bobo must understand that he can't say he's got a thought and then take it form someone else. Bobo said he's right but he never said it was his original idea. Fred said he did. He said Bobo said he had a Bobo thought of the day. Howard said he's not sure why he's not getting through to Bobo. Robin said he's thick as a brick. Howard said maybe Robin is right.
Robin said he doesn't get it. Bobo said he did say he lifted the joke. Bobo said he didn't lie about it. Fred said during the conversation Bobo said it took him about 12 minutes to come up with it. Bobo said he is guilty of that. Howard said he needs some kind of punishment. Bobo said no banning though. Howard said he has to come in and get his balls waxed. Bobo said that would be the worst. Howard asked if he has a question of the day. Robin asked whose it is. Bobo just went on and asked if Howard could go back in time would he choose to have been a rock star or the broadcast icon he is today?
Howard didn't answer. He said he's going to get in touch with Greg Gutfeld and tell him that Bobo stole his thought. Howard said they'll have him give a punishment. Howard said if Bobo doesn't go through with the punishment then Bobo will be banned for the winter. Howard asked Gary if he can get in touch with Greg. Gary said he'll work on it. He said he's going to try to get through to him now.
Howard said Greg is on later in the day so he might be sleeping. Howard said they might have to do something with his toupee. Fred said maybe they shave the rest of his real hair off and make him wear the toupee. Bobo didn't sound too thrilled about that.
Howard said he has so many Bobo songs he wants to play. Howard played one from Eli Braden. Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a Bobo fan. He said it's like his kids watching epic fails on YouTube. He said it's funny. Bobo thanked him for that. Howard said hopefully Greg doesn't punish him too bad and they can move on. Howard asked Gary what he should do. Howard said maybe they can do it tomorrow. Gary said he's still trying to track him down. Howard said they'll do it tomorrow. Howard was going to let Bobo go but he asked about his question. Howard said he ignored it. Howard asked what he thinks his answer is. Bobo said he thinks Howard likes this job. Howard said the ultimate job on this planet is not having a one hit wonder. Howard said that guy Psy is sitting on his ass doing nothing right now. Howard said he has said it a million times on the air that it's the ultimate job to be a rock star. Howard asked if that's okay. Bobo thanked him for answering. Howard said they'll call him tomorrow with Greg Gutfeld if they can work that out. Howard played him off with a song parody.
Howard said he likes Bobo and he doesn't want him banned. Howard said he does try to listen to the show and divorce himself from the show. He said they're rolling along pretty good and then Bobo calls in and the questions are kind of clunkers. Fred said he goes back and forth with it. He said he hears Bobo and it's like a car wreck. He said the people must like it but then there's such passionate hate for him. Howard said it's not so bad when he calls in. Fred said that the one question that was kind of good he stole from someone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said what Bobo did was willful copyright infringement. He said that he damaged Greg by doing that. He said he put the show in jeopardy too. He said that he's a victim. Howard said Greg should get to bang Bobo's wife or bang Bobo in the ass. The caller said there are many damages available. He said that there are non monetary damages too. Howard said maybe Bobo has to eat a marshmallow out of Greg's asshole. The caller said if that makes Greg whole then that is possible. The caller, Rich, is an attorney giving them some suggestions. Howard said maybe Greg can wipe his ass with Bobo's toupee. Gary said he thinks they have the punishment. He said they have something that Bobo really doesn't want to do. That's shaving his head. Gary said Bobo said he wouldn't do that for $25,000. He said when Shuli asked him about shaving it to have dinner with Howard and he said ''Oh that's a tough one.''
Howard said he'd rather hear from Greg. Gary said he just emailed him and he's waiting to hear back. Howard said they'll handle this tomorrow.
Howard said he doesn't really want him back in the studio. Robin said not if he smells. Howard said it's not even about the smell.
Sal came in and said he thinks something is really wrong with Benjy. He said he went to speak to him the other day and it took about 30 seconds for the stink to hit him. He said it was like sour cheese in the bottom of the dumpster. He said he felt bad because he wanted to shake him and ask what he's doing. He said he's worried about him. Howard said Sal is the last guy he should be talking to. He said if he had a problem the last guy he'd go to is Sal. Robin said at least he's aware. Robin said she's not sure anyone else is aware.
Howard said Sal takes care of himself. He said he's clean and showered. Sal said he washes his hair daily. Howard asked what's wrong with Benjy. Sal said he's not sure. The caller said a great replacement for Benjy would be Underdog Lady. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said it might be time to say goodbye to Vince. Vince said he can smell Benjy from there.
Benjy came in and Howard said he doesn't want the smell in there. Benjy said he's doing good actually. He said he got some good advice. Benjy said for about 9 months he was on Prozac. He said getting on it and off of it fucked him up. He said he's not sure why they think he smells. He said he changes his shirt. He said they look similar. Howard said the guys are saying it's the same clothes. Benjy said he has 2 or 3 shirts that he changes. Gary said that he wears them for 5 or 6 days in a row. Benjy said that's not true.
Howard asked where the smell is coming from. Benjy said he doesn't know. Sal wanted to explain what he smells like but Benjy was saying they should get someone from the street. Howard was going to smell Benjy but he changed his mind. Sal said he smells like hamper clothes. Benjy said he's bullshitting. Sal smelled him and said he knows what that smells like.
Gary said Will is going to come in and identify the shirt. Will said he had white stains on his shirt yesterday. He looked at today's shirt and it wasn't the same. Howard had Fred smell his shirt. He said he trusts him. Fred smelled it and said it's not that bad. Sal said it is.
Howard said he wants to smell his shirt. Benjy asked if he would like him to hand him the shirt. Howard said stay in it. Benjy went over and said he does have one of the best noses in the office. Fred said there has been times when he was wafting. Howard told Benjy to go back and said he'll let him know when he moves. Howard said it does have a musty smell to it. He said it's not horrible but it is musty.
Howard asked Robin to smell him. Robin came out of her studio and smelled it. Robin said there is a smell. Howard said there is a stench on him. Benjy said he thinks they're just saying it. Howard said his clothes don't smell like that. Robin said she's smelling herself too. Howard said they should take him to a car wash. Fred said they'd charge double.
Howard said he's telling Benjy this as a friend. He said he has to wash up nice for his 3 days of work. Howard said he has to pull himself together. Benjy said everything is better now and he'd like to be back in the studio. Howard said they'll see what they can do.
The caller asked when Benjy last showered. Benjy said he did it this morning. He asked when he last had a girl. Howard said that's none of their business. He let the caller go after that.
Howard took a call from Benjy's Dry Cleaner who was doing an Asian accent talking about how much money they lose on Benjy because of his filthy clothes.
Howard said Benjy must have his own laundry in his building. Howard said some have it in their apartments. Howard said he may drive down to a river and beat them on a rock.
Benjy came back in so Howard asked where he washes his clothes. Benjy said he has a machine in his apartment. Howard said he should be doing laundry. Howard said a lot of bachelors don't do that. Howard said when he was single it was a chore doing it. Howard said he did it though. Benjy said this shirt is not dirty. He said if it's musty that's his perception. He doesn't believe it is. Robin said there is no helping a person who won't listen. Howard said he's not lying to him. Robin said he's coming in and saying everyone is lying. She asked what's going on.
Howard said when he goes to therapy he used to bring his own water bottle. Howard said he would leave it behind when he left. Howard said that's like his transitional object. Howard said this was all subliminal. Howard said you leave a piece of yourself behind in the office. Howard said Benjy comes in and he leaves his water bottle behind every time he comes in. Howard said now he has to come back in and get it. He said he's like a big baby. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said yesterday they were playing the Underdog Game and no one won. Howard said he's going to give Adam a chance to win $500. Howard said sometimes you sit at home and play and you win there but then you get on the show and it's much more difficult. Adam said he's not confident.
Howard said they're going to play round 2 of the Underdog Pop Quiz Game. Howard asked Adam where he works. Adam said he works at a hospital. Howard asked what he does there. Adam said he paints at the hospital. Howard was doing his announcer voice asking if he's in a mental hospital. Howard said every game show they have something like this. Howard said they always want to get back to the game. Howard asked Adam more about the painting thing and Adam said he feels like he's in hell because it's a constant paint job. He said there are like 7 of them there painting. Robin said she never saw a painter in the hospital she worked in. Howard asked if he's ever seen feces or urine on the walls. Adam sad he has seen blood but no feces or urine. He said he gets to listen to the show while he's working so that's the good part. Howard asked what color they use. Adam said they have green which is called Dill Pickle. He said they have linen white too. Howard said he'd imagine that would be very comforting.
Howard asked if they just paint over the blood. Adam said they put spackle over it and paint that. Howard asked if he fucks the nurses. Adam said he has a girlfriend. Howard said Robin used to fuck her patients. Robin said she didn't. Howard said she grinded on him. Robin said she just climbed on top of one guy. Howard said it would be great they found out this guy was a serial feeler upper. Howard said he bets there are a lot of old people there. Adam said there's a floor there that just stinks. He said this is the floor you don't want to be on. He said he can get out of that with his supervisor. Howard said he didn't know they had a full time painting crew at a hospital. Adam said it's really easy. He said he has good benefits and all. Howard said he wants that job. Howard said he's not fucking with him at all. He said there's no aggravation. Adam said Benjy has fucked up the greatest thing in the world.
Howard asked what he can make painting there. The caller said it's like $25 an hour and full benefits. Howard asked what the best advice is for future hospital painters. Adam said go to college. Robin asked where he learned to paint. Adam said it's not that hard. Howard asked if he gets work on the side too. Adam said he does and he has to turn it away. He said he isn't on this earth to paint walls though. Howard asked what's better than that because he's helping people. Adam said he wants to do something else. He said maybe social work. Howard said that's fucking hard. He said if he does that he'll be wanting to go back to painting walls.
Howard said he's going to play the game now. Howard said he has a test question for Adam. Howard said they ask Underdog various pop culture questions. They asked her if she can name an NBA team. Howard said this is for practice. Adam guessed that she can. Howard played Underdog's answer and she said the Celtics and 76ers.
Howard said Adam is going to be under pressure now. Howard said they're playing for the best out of 5. Howard said they asked Underdog if she knows who Caitlyn Jenner is. Adam asked someone named Ricky if he thinks she'll know. He said no. Adam said he's going to say she does not know. Howard played Underdog's answer and she said ''It's really... Bruce Jenner.''
Howard said Adam only has to get 3 out of the next 4 right. Howard said they asked Underdog who Donald Trump's current wife is. Adam said he is going to say she does not know. Howard played Underdog's answer and she said ''Ivana.'' Howard said Adam got one right.
Howard said they asked Underdog where the summer Olympics were held. Adam said he's going to say she does not know. Howard played her answer and Underdog said ''Rio De Janeiro.''
Howard said Adam is hanging on by a thread. He has to get the next two right. Howard said they asked Underdog who took over for David Letterman. Adam said she's all over the map with this pop culture shit. He asked Fred for help. Fred said he's going to say no. He said she may say Fallon or Kimmel. Adam said he's going to say no. Howard played her answer and Underdog said ''Jay Leno.'' Adam got that one right.
Howard said this is the last one so he can't turn to anyone on the show for help. Howard said they asked Underdog to ''finish this name... Spongebob Square blank.'' Adam said he's not sure what to do. He said she is into cartoons. Adam said he'll say she will know. Howard asked if he's sure. Adam said he is. Howard played Underdog's answer which was ''Pants.'' Adam won the 500 bucks.
Howard said this was their hospital painter from New York. Howard said it's time to paint the town red. Howard said good for him. Adam said he's going to take his girl out to dinner with the 500. Howard let Adam go and ended the game. Howard told him to hold the line. Howard said that was fun. Robin said it was. She said someone finally won the Underdog game. Howard said this music is what they torture you to in Vietnam. Fred had some game show music playing. Howard went to break after that
Howard came back and said make sure to go to Howard 101 on Friday night for the Metallica concert. Howard said it's a full 2 hour concert. Howard said it's great. He said they have Sting performing his songs on HowardStern.com too.
Howard said Kathy Griffin is there. He said she just wrote a book called ''Kathy Griffin's Celebrity Run-Ins: My A-Z Index.''
Kathy came in and said that Fred is her hall pass. She said if she and Randy ever break up that's who she wants. Howard asked if Fred would be good in bed. Kathy said she can feel it. She said she has a good instinct. Fred told her to trust it. She said he's the strong and silent type. Howard asked if uncircumcised would freak her out. Kathy said not really. She said she doesn't know what her own butt hole looks like. She said she's never done that secret garden thing. Howard said it was actually ''Our Bodies Ourselves.'' Howard said they suggested that a woman squat on the floor for that. Howard asked if she's ever studied her own vagina. Kathy said she hasn't really studied it. Howard said her boyfriend is 18 years younger than her. Kathy said she just turned 56 and he's 19 years younger right now.
Howard said there's a lot of ageism in Hollywood. Kathy said it's outrageous. She said there's a lot of calls not being returned. She said they say ''you've done everything'' but she hasn't.
Howard asked Kathy about being with the younger guy and looking like the older woman. He said if she was with someone older then she would look younger. Kathy said she did it the wrong way. Howard said she looks terrific. Howard said she has a good look. Kathy said it makes her happy to be with the younger man. She said his needs are reasonable. She said in the first 6 months she had to go to the hospital a couple of times. She said she has cystitis. Howard said she must have gotten pounded really hard. Kathy said she did.
Kathy said she went to Joan Rivers to ask about the pain she had from all of that. She said she was banging this new guy and Joan said ''Isn't that fabulous'' when she told her what was going on. She said Joan got her in to see the doctor that day.
Howard said Kathy's new book is about celebrity interaction. Howard said she got to go to Cher's house and all of that. Kathy said it's great being 56 and a chick comic. She said she enjoys when a celebrity takes it on the chin. She said she learned from Rickles and Joan that some of the folks will come around. She got to watch the election with Sharon Stone. Howard said that must have been fun. Kathy said when things went horribly wrong they both took off their tops and shook their tits. She said that Sharon looks terrific and there were like 20 people there. Howard asked if Kathy took her top off. Kathy said they took their bras off and they were dancing around. Kathy said Sharon is fun. Howard asked if they rubbed breasts together. Kathy said it wasn't like that. She said they weren't even able to do that after Hillary lost. Kathy said she saw Rickles lay into her one night and she knew she could take it.
Howard said he heard Hillary spent her election night the same way. Howard said the idea of taking off a top is something. He asked if Sharon's tits are real. Kathy said they look real. She said she's like a superwoman.
Kathy mentioned she had a second nose job. Howard said Kathy has done a lot to her nose. Kathy said she had two nose jobs and it's so long ago she thinks it grew back. Howard asked if she feels good about it and would she advise other women to do it. Kathy said it didn't improve her life in any way. She said she just wanted to look like a different person. She said she wanted straight blond hair and all of that. She said she thinks you get some slack in the business if you look good.
Howard said the new book is coming out next week on the 22nd. Howard said he heard she got a million dollar advance for it. Kathy said she was called Kathie Lee Gifford at the airport. Kathy said she thinks Kathie might be upset about her listing in the book. She said she saw on her Twitter one day someone tweeting at her thinking she was Kathie Lee when Frank Gifford died. She said she didn't know why that was going on. Howard asked how a fan gets that so wrong. Kathy said she laughed out loud when that happened. She said she thinks that Kathie would be upset about that.
Howard asked Kathy about not writing about him and only writing about Robin in her book. She said she did that to make Howard jealous. Kathy said that she's calling Howard and Jimmy Kimmel out on their pact for not hanging out with her. Kathy said Jimmy told her that he's afraid of her putting him into her act. Howard said he can't believe that she can't understand that he doesn't want her reporting on him. Howard said he doesn't want her in his home reporting about that.
Kathy asked if she knows who her neighbors are. Howard said it's Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Howard said that would be a horror scene. Kathy said she loves it. She said it's her act right next door. Howard said there must be photographers and Paparazzi around all the time. Kathy said it's great. She said it's so quiet. She said they're the best neighbors. She said the last thing they want is trouble from her. She said she thinks they have Taylor Swift to worry about.
Howard asked if her house is worth more because of where she lives. Kathy said yes. She said they're hoopla free there. Kathy said she's not even sure when they're home or not. She said she hasn't seen Kim naked yet but she asked if Kim had seen her naked. Neither of them had seen each other.
Howard asked if Kathy has moved the boyfriend in yet. She said he's going to move in once and for all. She said she got burned in her marriage and she has no need to do that again. Howard asked why she's avoided living with him. Kathy said she feels like it's a security blanket. Howard asked if there are things she wants to keep private. Kathy said no. She said that's Howard. She said that Howard isn't doing a dramatic reading of the Robin section yet. Howard said he's going to do that. She called Howard a sexist pig for not doing it.
Howard asked about going to Kim Kardashian's house and how long she stays. Kathy said it's just a few minutes. Howard asked if she saw something weird would she report it. Kathy said probably. She said people love her. She said they let her in the house.
Howard asked if Randy will become friends with Kanye West. Kathy said she's not sure. She said she's not sure what to call him. Howard said he'd call him Kanye. Howard asked if she's met Caitlyn. Kathy said she hasn't. She said she is fascinated with her though. She said she's not very nice and you'd think she would be. She said her show was about transgender heroes teaching her and they were trapped on a bus with her.
Howard asked if Kathy was on The Apprentice. Kathy said she was not. She said she has a great story about Trump in her book though. Kathy said she knows Donald the same way Howard does. She said he shows up at the opening of an envelope. She said she was doing a TV show called ''Suddenly Susan'' and met him in the 90s. She said that Brooke Shields still isn't talking to her after all these years.
Howard said this story is in the new book. Kathy said that Joan Rivers was on The Apprentice and she asked her to be a part of something she was doing. She said Ivanka was there too. She said Joan was helping Ivanka hock her fake jewelry or whatever. She said it came time to make the donation to Joan's charity and they told her to make it out to the Donald J. Trump foundation. She said she said to the production that she was making it out to the charity and not to Trump's charity. She said that she's glad she did that because of some stories that came out about them not donating to the charities.
Kathy said that she was asked to host something with Liza Minelli and Donald wants to be called ''The Donald.'' she said that she said this in front of Liza. She said there's a picture of this in the book. She said she was in the golf cart with Donald and he was going too fast on the golf cart. She said Liza was having the spins and Donald didn't slow down. She said that it was the craziest day. She said he had the craziest physique too. She said he had on dockers and he had his gunt hanging out. She said his moobs were down to his belt. She said she's surprised he judges women with that body he has.
Howard said Kathy has this story about Robin in the book. He said she says that Robin is on your side for about half the interview and then she'll turn on you. Howard said she compliments Robin and says that her job isn't easy and Howard's success is due to Robin. Howard said he doesn't deny that. Howard said that Kathy also compliments Robin highly because she knows it will bother Howard. Howard said she says that she knows Howard will read it verbatim and take umbrage with something she says.
Howard said she talks about Woody Allen in the book and she says that he went to dinner and saw him as a feeble old man. Kathy said he's a complicated genius. She said that he had a funny opener when he came in. He said he walked in and said about his wife that this is his child bride. Kathy said that's funny. She said that even if she thinks he's guilty of everything he has done that was funny. Kathy said she was talking to Woody about how he can't remember things and then she was asking about what shows he watches and things like that. She was teasing him about how he wants to know what's gong on with Miley Cyrus and he said he never missed an episode of Hannah Montana. Howard said he sits and watches that show. Kathy said he did. She said that she found that fascinating. She said that she was really curious about who he has worked with and she had to ask about that.
Howard said he didn't show any wit at all. Kathy said he was just hung over his soup and he seemed kind of bitter. She said after he said the Hannah Montana comment she responded that she likes the slutty Miley. She said Woody said to her that now he has to see his friend Bill Cosby get railroaded. Kathy said that's the big moment. She said she said to him that she had to take umbrage with that. She said Woody didn't know who she was so he'd never even know she was there that night.
Howard said Kathy was an extra on the set of the Pepsi commercial the day Michael Jackson caught fire. Kathy said she saw Jon Lovitz there that day too. She said that he was friends with one of Michael's bodyguards. She said that was a super crazy day. Howard asked if she tried to save Michael that day. Kathy said she was in the audience in this auditorium that day. She said it was so exciting to see the Jackson 5 that day. She said then there was pyro and the hair caught fire. She said they didn't tell them a thing that day. She said they were sent home and that night they heard it on the news. Kathy said she heard it on the local news.
Kathy said she met Michael later. Howard asked where she met him. Kathy said there was a Julie Brown on MTV who had red hair. She said she did a spoof of a dance and she had to learn to dance. She said that this person worked with Michael Jackson and next door they were shooting a video. She said Michael Jackson was there and Michael Landis was there. She said Michael Jackson just didn't show up. She said Michael and Macaulay Culkin didn't show up because they were at a mall. She said she asked Landis what they were losing on that. Kathy said that he told her it was a million a day. Howard said that sickens him. He said it's such arrogance.
Kathy said when she finally met Michael the face work didn't seem so crazy. She said she did stare. She said his voice was totally normal though. She said he was talking like a normal guy. She said his voice was kind of deep. She said she's not sure what the voice is that he put on. She said it was a big difference. Howard asked if she told him she was there the day his hair caught fire. Kathy said she should have but he was so weird. Howard said he wrote about him in his book. He said he had a meeting with him and it was weird.
Howard said Kathy tells a story about Billy Crystal in her book Kathy Griffin's Celebrity Run-Ins: My A-Z Index. Howard said she has a web site where you can pre-order the book. The web site is KathyGriffinsCelebrityRunIns.com
Kathy told Howard about how Billy Crystal had his own bathroom at his agent's office. She said she used it once and took a big shit in it. Howard said he doesn't have that. Howard said he is a germ phobe and he has his own bathroom there in the studio. Howard said he's not asking for much.
Howard asked Kathy if people like her more now that she's doing so well. Kathy said she did 80 cities this year and she's doing 50 next year. She said she bought her house for cash. Howard said her house must have been expensive. She said it was $10.5 million.
Kathy said she has a story about Suze Orman in her book. She said she got a text from coach Pat Riley when she was over once. Kathy said she asked Suze why she was getting texts from him. She said it's because they're friends. She said that when the Miami Heat signed Lebron, Kevin Durant and Chris Bosch it was a big deal. She said Pat had Suze make videos for all of their moms. She said that those guys only listen to their moms so they had her set them up so they would listen to their moms about the money.
Howard said Kathy wrote to Jane Fonda about her break up to get advice. Robin asked if she knows Jane. Kathy said no. She said she just figured she was the right person to talk to. She said she was invited right over. Howard asked how she got her address. Kathy said she got it from Gloria Steinham. She said she got to meet Gloria doing something similar. She said she met Gloria Vanderbilt that night too. Howard asked these people call her back. Kathy said they do. She said sometimes there will be people who just do a one and done thing.
Howard asked if it's very important to her to be liked. Kathy said it is. Howard said that Jane Fonda has her over and then what. Howard said she was a beautiful woman in the Barbarella days. Kathy said she's sure she doesn't like to hear that. Howard said she doesn't like it because she has said it's a bitch getting older.
Howard said that Kathy said she had the worst Quesadilla in her life with Jane. Kathy said Jane made it and it was the worst. She said that she told her that too.
Howard asked about why she bashed Ashton Kutcher in her book. Kathy said Lance Bass wanted her to host a show with Ashton. She said that she did the show and Ashton had just married Demi Moore. She said Ashton never talked to her back stage. She said that she'd turn to him and say something and he'd just look at her and turn his head. She said it was weird because they went out together and shared the podium. She said it was very odd. She said that they just didn't have any chemistry.
Kathy said that she and John Hamm don't get along either. She said that he's so beloved for playing Don Draper. She said that's just playing himself. She said she's known him a long time. She said he's the hot guy who doesn't know how to be funny so he's just mean. Howard said you'd think that he'd be on top of the world. Kathy said she was out to dinner with Jack Nicholson one time and there were 8 people there. She said she did that twice. She said Hamm was next to her at the table and she said he may have been hammered. She said Whitey Bulger had just been captured. She said she asked Jack about Whitey and he was doing impressions and stuff. She said Hamm was in her ear telling her that she's just old. She said he's trying to be witty. She said she turned to him and told him to stop because he's outclassed and Jack is talking. Howard said it was ruined by Hamm telling her that she's old and she has an old Emmy. Howard said maybe he was hitting on her.
Howard read a story about Eddie Murphy that Kathy has in her book. Kathy said they were doing a photo shoot for an animated movie they did. Howard said Eddie told her that he has depression and he has to work to get out of bed. She said that he turned his head when she told her that. She said that she wasn't sure if he was kidding or not. She said she remembers thinking that she hoped that he wasn't kidding and he was being candid with her. Kathy said she was thinking it was cool if it was a real moment.
Howard asked if she writes all of this stuff down to remember it. Kathy said she does. She said that she says in the book that none of these conversations were taped so she's going off her memory.
Howard said Kathy is convinced that Taylor Swift doesn't like her either. Kathy said she doesn't get her brilliance yet. She said she's seen her singing at times and she's lip synced at times. She said she's not one of the great voices out there. She said what she finds amusing about her is that she writes about having to shake things off.
Howard asked if he can have her wear a wire when she's at these parties. Kathy said she'll do it at Howard's house when he invites her over.
Howard said she's really pulling back the curtain with this new book. Howard said everyone is talking about it. Howard said she's done it again. Howard gave her some plugs and said she must have had to keep some things out of the book. Kathy said she did and they actually took a story about Baba Booey out of the book. She said they felt like Robin's was explosive but Gary was kind of boring. She said that she loves Gary though. Howard asked if she would say Baba Buzzkill. She said she would.
Howard asked if Kathy had to leave out stories that she wanted in. Kathy said sure. Kathy said one story about Kareem Abdul Jabar for a roast. Howard said that's not a big story. She said that she's friends with Kareem and she wrote a joke for him. She said that she has never done that before.
Howard asked what it's like to hang out with Kareem. Kathy said he's very shy so he doesn't go out much. She said he doesn't even like being hugged or anything. Kathy said her boyfriend saw Kareem come out and he was yelling sky hook and ''get up'' and things. She said they had dinner after the joke thing. She said everyone from the agency came to the table when they were out. She said that she talked politics all night with Kareem.
Howard asked what happened with Fashion Police. Kathy said she walked away and that's it. Howard asked if she wrote about the eulogy he did for Joan in her book. Kathy said she didn't. She said that Howard's first joke was so great. Howard said his wife told him not to do it. Howard said he was writing furiously the night before. Howard said he opened up with a joke about Joan having a dry vagina. Kathy said it was hilarious and everyone loved it. Howard said he checked with Melissa before he did it. Kathy said Howard said that she was his first celebrity guest. Howard said it wasn't his first but she understood him and she went to management and spoke up for him. He said that David Brenner did the same thing for him. He asked how you don't love a person like that.
Kathy asked how their brand of comedy is going to work with Trump as President. Howard said that's a good question. Kathy said there are people who are really scared. Howard said he remembers Trump taking a lot of punches on his roast. Robin said he was prepared for that. She said that Seth Meyers going at him at the correspondents dinner he didn't respond so well. Howard said it's part of the deal that they can make fun of him. Kathy said she's not sure he knows they are allowed to do that.
Howard gave Kathy some plugs for the book and the web site KathyGriffinsCelebrityRunIns.com. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Sal came in and asked if that was okay because he asked them not to mention Howard's name. Howard said he's getting defensive. Sal said he forgot all about this. He said he was wondering if it's okay. Sal said he just respects him.
Howard asked if Sal's sons are all circumcised. Sal said they are unfortunately. Sal said he didn't want his sons to grow up with what he grew up with. He said he has turned something negative into a positive. He said he's turned it into a prop on the show and Howard has always loved people like that on the show. Sal said Elvis was also uncircumcised.
Howard said Sal came in there on fire. Sal said he didn't know why people grabbed him to come in there. Gary said Sal just blows like the wind. He said that Sal was saying he didn't know anything about the charity event. Howard asked if he's out of his mind. Sal said the guy emailed him a while back. He forgot about it. Howard said he's not sure why he circumcised his sons if he doesn't believe in it. Sal said he just didn't want them to go through what they went through. Sal said he went out with this girl who once told someone that she went out with the guy who had a ''turtle neck'' penis and he was so sad after that. Howard said it sounds like he's for circumcision. Sal said he hopes people will embrace foreskins some day. Howard said he's so sorry he read that.
Howard said it's so funny that Sal is doing that. He said he has learned one thing on radio and that is that Sal is a moron.
Howard said someone wrote in about how Brent made him feel good about Trump after he got waxed. Howard played some audio of Brent's yelps during the waxing. Howard said someone wrote about how he had the gayest little whimper.
Howard said he took some hits in the email too. Howard said he's alternately called out for being critical of Trump and pro-Trump. Howard said people don't know where he stands. Howard read some of those emails and people were saying he's an elitist Trump hater and then there's one saying he's pro-Trump. Howard said he's accused of both. Robin said she's not sure how he manages that. Howard said all he said was give the guy a chance and see how he does. He said he understands why people attacked Robin but he doesn't know why him.
Robin said she has never told someone they're a bad parent. She said she was just asking why. Robin said Howard would never tell someone they're a bad parent. Howard said he thinks he has.
Howard said Memet took a lot of hits in the email too. Howard said people wrote in about his voting logic. They were calling him dumb as a rock and more.
Howard said he got some nice feedback about the Medicated Pete phony phone call. He said someone corrected him on what he said about Eisenhower building Camp David too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin did say that Jason Ellis can't be a good parent if he's drinking. Howard took another call from Balls who said Kathy Griffin was good today and he's not usually a fan of her's. He said he might go out and get her book.
Balls also asked if Howard has heard of these people who are known as Ecosexuals. they want to have sex with the earth and trees and stuff. Howard said he's heard about that. He said he knows a gentleman in Pennsylvania who married a tree. Robin asked if he told him he was a bad parent. Howard said they never had children. He said they had saplings.
Robin had Howard play a Jimmy Rogers song which was on the list of top 5 songs. Howard played some of that and said he digs this. He said he wouldn't listen to it but he digs it. He said it makes him feel like he could sing. Robin had number 4 which was a George Jones song. Howard laughed when it started. Howard said he doesn't care about this. He said it's bullshit to him. He said he has a nice voice but he doesn't give a fuck about the song. Robin said number 3 was Hank Williams. Robin had Howard play a clip. Howard said Richard's dad kills possum to this. He said this just isn't his thing. Howard took a call from one of the guys in the back who was yodeling a country song he was making up.
Robin said number 2 was ''Crazy.'' Howard said he likes this song. He said he likes Patsy Cline. He said he's into this song. Robin said the number 1 country song of all time is ''I Walk the Line'' by Johnny Cash. Howard played some of that. Fred was playing it at the same time. Howard asked what was up with that. Fred said he was told he was going to play it. Howard said he wrote a song about loving ''vagine.'' He said he wrote another one called ''I hit 'em with the Hein'' too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Hillary Clinton winning another state. Robin said she was just declared the winner of New Hampshire. Robin said that's not going to get her close to the presidency. Robin said it puts her total to 232. Robin said Michigan still hasn't been called.
Robin read a story about how people said they were going to leave the country if their candidate didn't win. Howard said no one goes anywhere. Robin said some do move. Howard said a lot of people say Canada but they don't want them up there. Howard said if you want a country then you pick one that speaks English. Howard said he's not going to Japan or anywhere. Howard said he's too tall for Japan. Howard said he'd probably go to Canada because it's most like the United States. Howard said maybe he'd go to England. Robin said most American's move to Mexico. Howard said Jesse Ventura is down there. Robin said there are 800,000 Americans living down in Mexico. Robin said the second most popular country is Canada with 343,000 Americans. Howard said he wasn't considering Mexico. He said it's warm and there might be enough English speaking people. He said he always goes and it's cold down there. He said Sammy Hagar lives down there too.
Robin said Billy Bush may be getting a job offer. Robin said Page Six is reporting that Breitbart is looking to recruit him. Howard said they might get him cheap.
Howard took a call from Lee Kingsnatch who said he wants Howard to come to Japan. Lee said the Japanese people are very enlightened. He said he teaches English there. He said their pornography there is breathtaking. He said he saw a woman shove 8 octopi up her snatch and the only thing they censored was her pubic hair. Howard asked Lee to tech him how to say something. Lee told him that you say ''Ilove Young Japacock'' to say you want to live in Japan. Howard thanked Lee for the call and got back to the news.
Robin read a story about CBS reporter Gwen Ifill passing away. Robin said she was just 61 years old. Robin said she was battling cancer. Howard said the first question he asks is how old. Howard said it's starting to dawn on him that he may not live forever. Howard said he doesn't know how anyone will get along after he's gone. Howard said he can't bare to think that people will continue on after he's gone. He asked if Robin thinks about that. Robin said of course she does. Robin said she knows someone who passed away from what she had. Robin said she's thinking about what she would want it to be and what it could be like. Robin said she's wondering how she's going to be alright with it. Fred was playing the theme from Titanic as they were talking about that. Howard said that movie was so bad. Robin said the story was awful. Robin said the technical parts of the movie were great but the story was bad. Howard asked if Celine Dion ever had a hit after this. Robin said this was her biggest.
Robin said that Gwen Ifill really went through a lot and she worked through it. Howard said she's like Robin working through it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of credits Ronnie has to be a bodyguard. Howard said he has no skills. Howard said he talks a lot. The caller said it looked like he was trying to protect Kate Hudson when she was walking in. Howard said he watched The Bodyguard to get some hints. Howard said he's not sure what Ronnie did. He said he has a scary panther tattoo as well. He said you don't mess with a guy like that. Howard said he also knows every curse word in the language. The caller said he knows verbal judo. Howard said that's right. He let the guy go a short time later.
Robin said that there's a story about how ISIS is saying the Thanksgiving Day Parade would be the best time to cause chaos. Howard said they should cancel it then. Robin said they won't be canceling it. Howard said he read that article and they say ISIS has a magazine. Howard asked why they can't kill everyone with a subscription to it. Robin said they're so well organized they have a magazine. Howard said every magazine in this country is going out of business but they are doing just fine. Howard went into his ISIS Hotline voice and talked about subscribing to the magazines like he was taking the orders. Howard said he likes the crossword puzzle in the magazine. He said it's one of the toughest things. He said they ask very tough questions. Howard did the ISIS Hotline guy voice for a few minutes talking about what they have in the magazine. He was coming up with crazy stories that they have in the magazine. He had gifts for subscriptions too. Tote Bags and special phones for ordering. He had top 10 lists like the ''top 10 synagogues to bomb.'' He had ''Christmas bombing tips,'' ''Best buildings to fly into'' and other wacky stuff like that in the magazine too. Robin said this sounds like way too much in one magazine. Robin asked if they can get back to news. Howard came out of character and did a live commercial read.
Howard got back into his character after the commercial. He did the voice and asked if Robin is subscribing. Robin said not at this time. ISIS magazine guy (Mental Lee Ill) said they have an interview with Roger Waters from Pink Floyd. He also said they have a story about how to raise your child to blow themselves up. Howard eventually got out of it.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about how Alec Baldwin said that Saturday Night Live wanted to endorse Hillary Clinton but NBC wouldn't allow it. Howard got back into his voice and did more of the ISIS magazine material. He had a bunch of new story ideas for the magazine. Howard asked if he sounds like Bikram. Robin said he does. Howard said people accuse him of doing just one voice. He said his name is Mental Lee Ill.
Robin read a story about the number of students being harassed in school is going up. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what the kids are saying to Hispanic kids in school. Robin said the President elect said on Sunday ''Stop it.''
Robin read a story about how a post election comment was made about Michelle Obama. Robin said a director of Clay County Development corporation wrote how it would be nice to have a classy and dignified lady in the White House because she's tired of looking at an ape in heels. Then the mayor of the town wrote ''Just made my day Pam.''
Robin said that Trump is saying he's going to use his own 757 jet for getting around. Robin said that they say he's also going to want to stay in Trump Tower. Howard said that has to be some plane if he wants to take that. Robin said maybe he'll have Air Force One follow him with everyone else on board.
Howard took a call from a guy who said yesterday Fred played a clip that they hadn't heard in hears of High Pitch Erik saying ''Stop it, stop it'' to his dog after they said Trump said ''Stop it.'' Howard said he taught Fred everything he knows. He did give Fred some credit for pulling the clip too.
Robin said there was someone who threatened to kill the president elect. Robin said a teacher compared Trump to Hitler. Robin said he was put on paid leave for a while.
Robin asked what Trump has planned for the second amendment. Robin said he said it will be safe under his presidency. Robin said he may make the right to carry national. Howard said he is. Howard said if someone is legal in Massachusetts then why is he illegal in another state? Robin said that you are breaking the law if you carry across state lines. Robin said they may make it legal. Howard said he supports that.
Robin said people are concerned with the appointments that Trump might make. Robin said he may appoint a gay man and woman. Robin said there will be diversity. Howard said Richard may be appointed by Trump. Robin said she doesn't think he'll get around to that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Omarosa saying she lost family and friends for supporting Donald Trump. Robin said she's saying that one friend cut her out even though she was supposed to be a bridesmaid.
Robin read a story about what President Obama said about Trump after meeting him at the White House. Robin said he says it was a very cordial meeting. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about how hard and challenging it can be when your team loses. They also had audio of Obama talking about meeting Trump.
Robin read a story about how some people are asking Trump to take back his appointment of Steve Bannon as his chief strategist. Robin said they think Bannon shouldn't be allowed in the White House never mind being part of the cabinet. Howard said someone told him he had a show there on Sirius. Howard said he didn't hear it since he only listens to himself.
Robin read that Rudy Giuliani wants to be secretary of state. Robin said many are saying he was going to be Attorney General. Robin had some audio of Giuliani talking about what he's seen with Steve Bannon and how he sees a bright and very worldly man.
Robin read about type 2 diabetes and how you can avoid it with diet and exercise. Robin said they say stress can also increase your chances of getting it. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said the story is stressing him out.
Robin read a story about a Georgia man leaving his 22 month old son in the car and leaving him there on a hot day so he would die. Robin said his trial just ended and he was found guilty. Robin said they're saying he really wanted to do this. Robin said his defense was that he forgot the child in the car seat when he went to work. Robin said he was supposed to drop him off at day care. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the case.
Robin read a story about Dancing with the Stars and how the little person was voted off last night. Robin said she made it into the semifinals.
Robin read a story about Lil Kim who has said she feels like she's trapped in a black woman's body. Howard asked if this is the first transracial thing. Robin said she feels like she's Hispanic. Howard asked if they can do something to change that. Howard said he's thinking of becoming black. He said sometimes he feels black. Robin had some audio of Lil Kim singing in Spanish. Howard said Fred identifies as a Polynesian. Robin said that song reminded her of La Cunte Calda.
Robin read about how the Gun's N' Roses tour was making $5.5 million per show. Robin said that means they made more than Springsteen, Adele and Coldplay. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show talking about how he got excited about the stock price for SiriusXM. He said it was like 4.53. He said if it went up 3 and a half dollars he'd finally be up.
Howard said he wants to thank Robin Quivers for doing such a beautiful thing. He said Leonard Cohen died recently. He was 80-something so they asked Robin to sing ''Hallelujah.'' He said she did a beautiful version of the song. Howard thanked her for doing that. Robin said he did deserve to be honored. Howard said Robin looks lovely this morning too. He said Robin put her all into the song. Howard played the song and stayed quiet while the song played.
Howard laughed as it was playing. Howard said he listened to it maybe 10-20 times last night. He said it's a hit. Robin said it's not easy to do that. Howard said he's going to come over there and do something to her. Howard said she shines bright like a diamond. Robin said she must not be able to hear the music. Howard said he gets moved by her version. He said he gets bored with the song when they do it. He said when Robin does it he can't get enough of it. He said he wishes she'd do the whole version. He said it's fabulous. Howard said the way Robin hears things... He replayed the song.
Howard said North Shore Animal League has a gala every year. He asked Robin if she'd perform live. Robin said she hasn't considered it. She told him to make her an offer. Howard said she's like a Beyonce that reads the news.
Howard thanked Robin for that. He said she's like their Patsy Cline. Howard said she has taken singing lessons too. Howard said if anyone thinks she just wings it she has real technique. Robin said the saddest thing is that she thought it sounded good. Howard played the clip again.
Howard said you should have heard Robin before the lessons. He asked what they cost. Robin said not enough. Robin said Lady Gaga was in there saying that she has a teacher that can help you find your voice. Howard said she did improve a lot. He asked Fred. Fred asked if that same coach wore ear plugs. Howard said it was great. Fred said it is hard to sing and Robin wasn't lying when she said it's hard.
Howard said he has stopped all studio visits. Robin said he always says that but then they have people in. Howard said he did have people in who raised money for charity. Howard said he's putting his foot down. Robin said he just announced a new one recently. Howard said he did because his wife won't let him cut her off. Howard said hopefully anyone who does come in there will get to hear Robin sing. Howard said it's one last time.
Robin said Benjy took off his shirt yesterday and he had people smelling the shirt out in the elevator after the show. Robin said a lawyer out there said there is a smell.
Howard said Benjy should bid on this charity thing to get back into the studio. Howard said go to HowardStern.com right now to bid for the chance to sit in. Howard said maybe you'll get to hear Robin sing ''Hallelujah.'' Howard played the song again.
Howard had Robin's singing coach on the phone. He picked up and the guy said he's going to jump in front of a bus. Howard said he has terrorist on the phone who loves the song. Howard picked up on him and he said he'd like to bring Robin to Mosul to sing to their prisoners. Howard said he heard that the ISIS Magazine subscriptions are up. The fake terrorist said they are. He told Howard what he can read in the magazine. He had some wacky things like Howard was talking about late in the show yesterday.
Howard said as long as they're talking about Robin they have a clip from Lenny Dykstra about Robin. Howard said he was up there lecturing everyone. Howard said he was standing around recording a Thanksgiving message for Robin. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about baseball, just pussy. Howard said he's like Ronnie but a professional baseball player.
Howard played the message from Lenny about Thanksgiving. Lenny said he wants to eat Robin's black pussy. He said he needs to eat it. He said Robin will be thankful that he took care of her. He told her to let him know and he'll be there in an hour. Howard said the FBI asked for a copy of that. Howard asked if Robin would ever let him eat her pussy. Robin said when she's dead maybe because she won't have a way to reject.
Howard played a commercial parody with Caitlyn Jenner singing the hits. He also played a phony phone call fake Michael Caine made to an internet radio show. They went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been married about 15 years and everything was good. He said the other day they had a tiff in regards to sexual stuff. He said the kids were away and he wanted to go down on her and she was saying no. He said her reasons were that the kids were home in the weeks before. He said this time the kids were away. The caller, Chris, was going on too long and Howard said he's starting to annoy him. Chris said that she told him she doesn't like the way he does it but she liked the way other guys did it in the past. He said he hasn't talked to her in 3 days now.
Howard said he's going to tell Chris as straight up as he can. He said his wife is a mean, horrible person. Howard said his wife has had sex with other guys in the past. Howard said if she turned to him and told him that he's not as good he's done. Howard said people are just mean. Howard said she needs a good psychiatrist. Howard said he's annoyed by Chris so maybe that's part of it. Robin said maybe she had a recent experience. Robin said he should look into that. Howard said he's not so sure about that.
Howard said that attack should be looked into. Howard said maybe he's bad to her. Chris said not at all. Howard said she's emasculating him. Howard said that's all he's got. He let Chris go.
Howard got Bobo on the phone and Bobo told him to take it easy on him. Greg said he didn't just steal a joke, he stole a lame joke. He said it's like breaking into a jewelry store and stealing the mints. Howard said if you're going to lift material then go for something really good. Greg said he may have stolen this joke from himself. He said he said it the week before too. He said there's other stuff that he'd rather have stolen.
Howard asked Greg if he does stand up. Greg said no but he used to work in the magazine world. He said he worked for Stuff magazine. He said he was writing for Huffington Post and FOX came to him and asked him to do a show. He said he was really bad doing the first show he did and he failed miserably. He said he got better over time. Howard said that's great that he got into TV. Howard said his dad told him that anyone could take his job.
Howard said they put Greg on The Five. Howard said if he's not on it's not the same. He said he won't watch if Greg isn't on. Greg said he's like a little valve and he will say something stupid or absurd and it stops people from shouting. He said he's like the kid at dinner who says something to try to save the parent's marriage.
Howard asked Greg if he's paid well over there. Greg said he thinks they figured it out that he's useful and they have rewarded him well. He said he's not starving. He said this is a great gig. He said he shows up and he's like who he was in 5th grade. He said he's 52 and doing this. He said it's absurd and weird at the same time.
Bobo said he gets to stare at Kimberly too. Greg said she said to say hi. Howard said he watches The Five almost every day. He said they're his friends that he watches while he eats dinner. Howard asked Greg if he had to choose between Dana and Kimberly who would he go with. Howard said he seems to have a chemistry with Dana. Greg said that she's like Lisa Simpson. He said she will bring notes for you if you're not prepared. He said she's like Lisa to his Bart. He said it's a great relationship.
Howard asked if Greg was asked to model bras for Roger Ailes. Greg said that's true. He said that's what he wears under his sweater. Howard said Roger put together that news channel and it's the most successful thing. Greg said there was nothing there before. He said it was an obvious gap that needed to be filled.
Howard got back to Bobo. He said they feel Greg was wronged by Bobo. Howard said people want to ban Bobo from the show. Bobo said ''Oh no.'' Howard said since his material was stolen he was going to issue a punishment to Bobo. Howard said he wants Greg to decide what it should be. Howard asked if he wants to give him a slap on the wrist or more. Greg asked if he has a family. Howard said yes. Greg said he should have to spend more time with the family as a punishment. Howard said they object. Greg said that has to be the worst for a superfan. He said kids who steal have to wear a shirt saying they stole from someone. He said maybe a shirt that he has to wear saying he stole a joke from him. Robin said Bobo would like that. Bobo said he wouldn't. Howard said they have sent Bobo out on the street saying he's an idiot. Howard said he believes he should have some public shame.
Greg said he heard that he wears a hair piece. Howard said he does and it's a bad one. Greg asked if they could make him not wear it one day a week. Robin said that would get to him. Greg said that maybe it's time to let go.
Howard said maybe for a month Bobo has to wear a shirt saying ''I wear a really bad toupee.'' Greg said he doesn't want to destroy Bobo's life. He said he wants to help him. Howard said maybe he can be Greg's foot rest on the show. Greg said he would enjoy that.
Howard said he's getting a read on Greg. He said he feels he wants him to wear a t-shirt saying he wears a really bad toupee and he has to go out in public and take a picture. Howard said otherwise he can't call the show anymore. Bobo asked if he's serious. Howard said maybe he has to wear a shirt saying he wears a bad toupee and steals Greg Gutfeld's jokes. Greg said that will make him a better person. Bobo said he'll be run out of the state of Florida. Howard said he would have done a lot worse than he did.
Howard asked if Bobo can handle this. Bobo asked for how long. Howard said he was going to give him a week but Bobo said a month so that's what he's going to give him. Howard said he has options. He can eat a marshmallow out of Greg's ass or the shirt. Howard said the marshmallow would be over in 5 minutes. Greg said he'd be up for that.
Howard asked Bobo if he's up for this. Otherwise he can't call in. Bobo said he's up for it but he wants to hear from the staff. Howard said there is no hearing from the staff.
Howard told Bobo to apologize too. Bobo said he's sorry for stealing a joke at 2 in the morning. Howard said that doesn't make sense. He said that has nothing to do with stealing a joke.
Howard asked Greg if he gets mad at that guy Eric Bowling for interrupting people on the show. Greg said he's guilty of it too. He said they all do the same thing when they get excited. He said Eric is more combative though. He said he just sits back and he's the last one to speak usually. He said he thinks that's his role to tangle. Howard said they have one liberal on the show and he won't let them speak.
Howard asked if there's anyone there he doesn't get along with. Greg said everyone is pretty good. He said he doesn't see everyone who works there when he's there. Howard asked if he gets a lot of hate mail from liberals. Greg said they get more from people who they agree with 80 percent of the time. He said it happened a lot with the Trump supporters. Howard said that's very profound. Robin said it's like people who say they can't believe their friend thought ''that way.'' Greg said it's such a weird thing. He said after the Trump thing there's a lot of tension. He said it's fractured now.
Howard said Greg was very anti-Trump during the primaries. Howard said he was more like a Rubio guy. Howard said he said some harsh things about Trump and then switched when it was all settled. Greg said that's kind of right. He said he feels like his role on the show is to not like anyone. He said if he sees any cheer leading he balances the vote. He said he met with Trump before he declared and told him to run. He said Trump has said some things that pissed him off but he was excited about him running.
Howard asked if Greg will read Megyn Kelly's book. Greg said he got it yesterday and he went right to the index and she didn't mention him once so he may not read it. Howard said he felt like she was very brave. Howard said he thought that she was very brave for doing what she did. Howard said she spoke up about that stuff. Howard said most people wouldn't do that. Howard said it was a brave thing to do. Greg said that's right. He said if things are going great you don't usually stick your neck out. Greg said you have to tell the truth when it comes to something like that. He said he thinks the truth came out and she did the right thing. Howard said he thinks so too and it was brave of her.
Howard asked if Greg things they're going to renew her contract. Greg said he's not privy to that. Howard asked how long he has there. Greg said he has a year and a half or so left. Howard said he won't watch the show if he's not on it. Greg said maybe that's because he was there from the beginning.
Howard asked about that Guilfoyle. He asked if she's married. Greg said she's single. He said she's a tough cookie. Howard said that she has those looks and she's a lawyer. Greg said he thinks she could get you out of any situation so she's the one to call. Howard asked if she's dating. Greg said he thinks so. He said he gets little snippets of what's going on. He said he thinks that she has very high standards. He said she'll move on if things aren't going perfect. Howard said he might need to come on the show and find out what's really going on. Greg said that would be amazing.
Howard said he has Ralph on the phone and he's saying this punishment is too lenient. Howard said he wants to hear from Ralph. Howard got him on the phone and asked what his story is. Ralph said he's a dull, wig wearing plagiarist. He said what they should do is give everyone the gift of no Bobo. He said people would rejoice. Howard asked if they should have no Bobo through Christmas. Ralph said maybe sometime in January he can come back.
Howard asked Greg about changing his mind to not letting Bobo call in until maybe the second week of December. Robin said it has to be after Christmas. Greg said that's fine but he has to do a term paper on plagiarism and bring that in when he comes back. Howard said maybe they can have that Bobo free time and then the term paper. Greg said it has to be an original paper too. He said it can't be something he steals. He said he doesn't have to wear the t-shirt anymore either. Robin asked how many words it has to be. Greg suggested 1000. Howard said maybe 700. Greg said it has to be foot noted so they know it wasn't lifted.
Gary asked if he can have it graded by a high school teacher. Howard said yes. He said Bobo has to write this himself and he has to have it graded. Howard said Bobo stole from Greg and this is his punishment. Howard said he's coming back in the second week of December. Greg said that the pressure on him is worse if he has until December. Ralph said they have to keep him off the air as long as possible. Howard said lets compromise there. Howard said the third week of December. Howard said he'll be graded by a school teacher. Howard said if there is any plagiarism and there is no foot notes then he'll be banned for a year. Ralph said he has something better. He said if he gets a C or below then he gets banned for 3 more weeks. Robin asked if he has to redo it. Howard said if he gets and F then he's expelled from the show.
Howard said here's the end game. He said he writes the paper. He said if he gets an F he's done. He said if he gets a C or below then he gets 2 more weeks tacked on. Howard said if he gets above a C then he's back on the show and he's forgiven. Robin said they're not forgiving him. They're just having him serve time. Howard said he's got to do 750 words. Robin said if he keeps talking it'll go up. Howard said he already raised it from 700 to 750.
Ralph said he has to thank Robin for that performance of ''Hallelujah.'' He said it was great. Howard asked Greg if he has any plugs. Greg got in a plug for a couple of his books.
Howard was going to let Greg go but asked what he's doing this morning. Greg said he's going to the gym. He said he has a bruised chest and he's only doing the stair climber right now. He said he's not sure how he injured himself. He said when you get older you just sneeze and injure yourself.
Howard let Greg go and said Bobo has his ruling. Robin said she wasn't excited about the t-shirt but this paper punishment is good. She said she likes that. Howard played a song parody about Bobo to play him off. They went to break after that.
Howard said they can do it when they're not there. Howard said Bobo will have an hour to write it. Robin said he might work on it before hand. Howard said he won't be allowed to bring in any books. Howard said he'll have to write it by hand. He said he's not fucking around.
The caller said he loves this. Howard said you know Bobo will go hire someone to write it. Gary said Brent told him that anyone who got an email from Bobo will know what it should look like. Howard said they can send someone to Bobo's house to be the proctor. Howard said he wants an essay on why you shouldn't plagiarize. Howard said he has to write it like an exam. The caller said he loves this. He said it's so great.
Howard said if Bobo gets an F he's gone. He said imagine that happens. Howard said he has to get a C. Robin asked if that's possible from a high school teacher. Howard said no. Gary asked what grade teacher they should have. Howard said maybe an 8th grade teacher. Howard said Bobo did do something serious. He stole from a guy who writes for a living. Howard said you have to treat it with some seriousness. Howard said he thinks this is fair.
Howard said they should tape the reading of the paper. Robin said you know Bobo can't spell. Robin said there is no way he's going to pass.
Howard said he liked that Caitlyn Jenner song he played earlier. He played it again. Howard wondered what happened to her because she's vanished. Robin said maybe she's getting more work done.
Howard said while Robin is thinking about that he's going to play something so mind blowing that it doesn't sound real. He said this is real though. He said they went out on the street last Friday and asked people who they're voting for. This was 3 days after the election. He played people saying that they were voting Hillary even though the election was over. Howard said that people are still voting. He said maybe Hillary can still win.
Howard said he can't get over what Robin did with that ''Hallelujah'' song. Howard said he has to hear it again. He played it again. Howard said that song heals people.
Howard said he's going to play the phony phone call they made to this spiritual show where they used clips of him talking about tweets. In the clip they called this show and had Howard asking questions like ''Do blind people see in their dreams?'' and ''Does anyone remember laughter?'' They were the tweets that Howard was making up a few weeks ago. The hosts of the show were answering his questions like he was serious. They were freaking out when he said something about pussy juice. They weren't able to hang up the phone right away though. They took another call from them and they had Howard asking questions about anal and things like that. The hosts said they will have to stop taking calls.
Howard said the male host sounds like Bikram's younger brother. Robin said it reminded her of the NAMBLA guy. Howard said the woman reminds him of Billy Bush. Howard said she almost lost her job because of what he was doing.
Howard asked if it's true that the full version of that call is almost 2 hours long. Gary said yes. Howard said he might have to hear that. Howard asked if he read his tweets for almost 2 hours. Gary said their guy called in like 5 times. Howard said he thinks when they got R-rated they bailed.
Howard said that show had to be called The Thirty Five based on how many hosts they have. Howard said they didn't have time to present the entire 2 hour call. Howard said check out Howard 101 some day and they'll play it.
Howard said this Lenny Dykstra and Ronnie sex tip thing is really gross. He said get your vomit bucket ready. Howard said this is a Thanksgiving sex message. Howard played the clip and Ronnie and Lenny gave a recipe for a Thanksgiving cranberry mix. They were telling people to use vagina dandruff as salt and the blood as coloring for the cranberry sauce. Howard said he's thankful that's over. Howard said they both put on that sexy voice. Howard said they did another one if you can stomach it. Fred said ''Yes! Yes!''
Howard played another one where they were talking about jizzing on top of the pumpkin pie. Ronnie also suggested fucking the pumpkin to give it flavor. He said use some ass juice for a coating. They had all kinds of disgusting suggestions for the pie and how to make it.
Fred asked what the ass juice was used for. Howard wasn't sure exactly what it was. He said you can get arrested for using those tips. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie talking about all of that disgusting stuff. Howard said they were both nude when they recorded those. Howard said Ronnie was laughing so hard when he recorded that. Howard had to stop Fred from making up more stuff.
Howard played a dueling sex tips bit. They had Ronnie and Lenny talking dirty and played banjo between their clips. Howard said one of those guys is responsible for his safety. Howard asked if you've ever herd such nonsense.
Howard said Andy Cohen is stopping by later in the show. He said he named him the top gay in the country. Howard said he has a new book out. Howard said he was asked to write a new book. He said he's trying to burn the last two he wrote. Howard said he's done writing books. He said his agent wants him to write another one. Howard said he has nothing more to say though. Howard said he will talk to him for an hour and a half on the phone and his agent tells him to write that stuff down.
Howard said in his first book he had a psychiatrist read it and do an evaluation. Howard said he knows he used to write them in the summer. He said he'd come of his coma and realize he missed the whole summer.
Howard said he just got a fairly decent check off the movie ''Private Parts.'' He said he got a big amount of money so he's there to announce his retirement. Howard said they must have made a deal or something with it. He said they sent him a check. He said Don told him to go do another movie. Howard said he doesn't know. He said the older you get the more you value your time. Howard said it might be fun but it's fun to sit home and stare at the wall. He said he likes going for walks and the simple things in life.
Howard said when he was in college he went to see Jaws and he and Lou went to Walden Pond to check it out and they were afraid to go in. He said they knew it was a pond but they were afraid of sharks being in there. Howard said that movie freaked him out.
Howard asked if Robin wants to hear some Baba Booey mentions. Robin asked if it's coming back and beating ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said it's not really. He said he has 3 pages full of that stuff. Howard played a Baba Booey mention from a baseball game. Someone yelled it out during a broadcast. Howard said these were all from the top of the 8th inning. The announcer mentioned it and said he had heard about 25 of them that night. They had another one while they were talking. Then they heard another one just a few seconds later.
Howard said he has some from the same game where a guy yelled ''Baba Booey'' and ''Howard Stern.'' Howard said he hopes you can hear that. Robin said it was noticeable.
Howard said this Baba Booey mention is 7 years after Gary's first pitch. Howard played the clip and the announcers mentioned the Baba Booey pitch. Howard said that has to kill Gary. Robin said it will never be forgotten. Howard said when they pick up the Baba Booey on mic it's got to be pretty loud. Howard said imagine the people around that guy. Robin said it has to be so loud.
Howard said the NY 4 weather guy got to throw out a pitch and he said he didn't want to do a ''Baba Booey.'' Howard played that clip and the guy said he didn't want to Baba Booey it or 50 Cent it. Howard said Baba Booey is becoming a verb.
Howard said he has a couple more. Howard said he has another first pitch that a guy from MSNBC did. Howard played the clip and that guy mentioned Gary's terrible first pitch from 2009. Howard said that's a slow news day.
Howard said Gary got to appear in a baseball ad a few months ago for SiriusXM. Howard said he talked about his favorite baseball memory. Howard played that clip and Gary talked about the 1986 World Series game he went to. Howard said Gary has a lot of memories. Robin said everything is a story for Gary. Howard said Gary is wearing a Mets jersey in that commercial and he's put on a lot of weight so the shirt is really tight on him. Howard said you have to see that jersey busting out on him.
Howard said in this clip they were in England for an NFL game and Rob Riggle was on. Howard played the clip and they were doing a bit for the show where Rob got in the Baba Booey mention. Howard said there are a million of these.
Howard said he has a Baba Booey during an interview with someone who was not voting for Donald Trump. The woman gave a ''Baba Booey'' at the end of her mention and the reporter asked if they can get the fuck out of there now.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Bobo has called her a couple of times already. She said Bobo asked how he knows he wrote 750 words. She said he's got a good heart but he's got to be kidding. Howard had Mariann slow down and asked what she's talking about. Mariann explained what Bobo asked about how to count the words. Mariann said that he should just count them. Howard said they're going to send someone to watch him write the paper. Mariann said he doesn't know that. Howard said he must know now.
Mariann said this is going to be much worse if he's not going to have time to write it. She said she's not sure what he got himself into. Howard said you can't steal. He said it's not that severe a punishment for what he did. Mariann said she agrees. She said she started watching The Five because of Howard. Howard hung up on her. Howard said Bobo has to take his punishment like a man.
Howard said he thinks he's out of Baba Booey mentions. He said he has one more. He said a fan yelled it out at the Formula 1 awards ceremony. He played that quick one where a guy yelled it out. Howard also played a Baba Booey song parody from Little Mikey.
Howard said Benjy was talking over Sal when he was in there. He said people are still writing about Robin and Jason Ellis. Robin said she can't work their feelings. She said it's not her fault. Howard said according to this email it is her fault. Howard read some of those emails. Robin was arguing about the email. Howard played her singing ''Hallelujah'' again.
Howard said one fan took umbrage with Jason Ellis. Howard said the person says that Jason has no talent and he was talking about her age and personal life. Howard said the writer was upset with Jason. Howard said he thinks they both got a little bit out of line. Robin said she did not take offense at anything he said. Robin said she was so busy attacking him that she didn't hear it. Fred played Robin's news theme and her ''Hallelujah'' again.
Howard had some behind the scenes clips of Ronnie and Lenny doing their sex tips recordings. Ronnie was cracking up at some of the stuff he was saying. Howard played him laughing really hard at his lines.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a bone to pick with Robin. He said he has 3 kids and they've never been happier. The fake caller was drunk. He yelled at his kids and told them to get him his bottle of whisky. He said he's driving them to little league right now. He told the kids to put his crack pipe down.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a marine vet and he wants to thank him for the support he's given them over the years. He said fuck Benjy too. He said if he had his job he'd be in an hour early. Howard said a happy birthday to the Marines. Howard said you think about what these guys to do fight for this country. Howard said they fight guys with guns. Howard asked how you're not in awe of that. Howard said people should be humbled by that kind of bravery. Howard asked how nay fuck nut could steal valor. The caller said he agrees. Robin said some people demean and belittle our fighting men. Howard thanked the caller, Joe, for his bravery. Joe asked if he has any games to play. Howard said he has to get to Andy Cohen so he doesn't.
Howard said Benjy wants to argue with that guy. Howard asked why he would want to do that. Howard asked if that's true. He said he's not even going to go there. Howard went to break after doing a live commercial read.
Howard came back and said he has Andy Cohen there. He said he has a new book out. Howard said he keeps a diary so he keeps writing books based on that. Andy said he stopped keeping that diary as of yesterday. Howard asked why his voice is messed up. Andy said he's been talking since the book came out.
Howard said Andy is a real fan of the show too. He said he gets guests for them. He said he worked on Sarah Jessica Parker and Anderson Cooper. Andy said he's working on John Mayer too. Howard said he thinks he's coming in January. Andy said he and John became friends through a mutual friend they have.
Howard said Andy is friends with Sarah Jessica Parker because he worked at it. He asked what his strategy was to get to her. Andy said he worked at CBS news for 10 years and he got to know people. He said he was a producer and he met a lot of people. He said you never know if it's going to be a friendship. He said most of the time it's not.
Howard asked about Sarah and if she has that sense of fashion and she's got all of that going on. Howard said it must be a great thing for a gay may to be friends with her. Robin said he thinks that's how he got to be top gay. Howard said even Perez Hilton isn't top gay and he fingered Benjy.
Howard asked if Andy is a pot smoker. Andy said he is. He said he goes to Grateful Dead shows. He said he went with John Mayer. He said that he was told he should do something intense there. He said he tried something called moon rock that's pure Molly. He said it's pretty good. Howard asked if he's concerned about doing it and having too much serotonin. Andy said he doesn't do it that often. He said he does smoke pot a lot. He said it's amazing what happened with pot. He said it's become so decriminalized that people are smoking it all over. Howard asked what he smokes. Andy said he doesn't know. He said he just gets good pot. Howard said it's more powerful than ever. Andy said it is.
Howard asked Andy who is the bigger superfan, Andy or Natalie Maines. Howard said Natalie says she listens when she brings the kids to school on headphones. Andy said that he loves Natalie and the Dixie Chicks. He said no one looks back on the Iraq war and thinks it should happen. He said they got flak it. Andy said he's not sure who the bigger fan is. Andy said he has his station right next to Howard's 101 on channel 102.
Howard asked Andy about how he got the channel there. Andy said Scott Greenstein asked him if he wanted it after he was on Howard's show. He said he's psyched about the channel now. He said they have great people on the channel. He said Sandra Bernhard is on for an hour in the afternoon. He said they have Dan Rather there. Robin asked how they got Dan Rather. Howard said they have Radio Andy and Cher turned him down. Andy said he tried to get her to do a show. He said he details it in the book (''Superficial: More Adventures from the Andy Cohen Diaries''). Howard said Andy says that his publisher didn't even want a book. Andy said he ended up keeping a lot of what he wrote in the book. He said he started writing it on the day of Joan Rivers' funeral. Howard said he's in the book. He said Andy said his eulogy was the best. Howard said Andy and his friends were talking about some of the other eulogies and debating. Andy said Howard said that Joan's vagina was very dry. Howard said it really was too. Andy said after the funeral you sit with your friends and nosh. Howard said he wanted to say no to the funeral but he did it. Howard said he didn't really focus on anyone in the crowd other than Donald Trump. Howard said he knew people were evaluating him. Andy said that he was. Howard said everywhere he goes Andy is there.
Howard asked Andy why he didn't like Deborah Norville. Andy said it just wasn't a great eulogy. He said that it was a B-.
Howard gave Andy a plug for the book and said that he is such a superfan. He said Richard revealed that he took baths with a male friend when he was a kid. Andy said he thinks that a hole is a hole and he thinks that Richard could have done something. Andy said he would have been thrilled to do what Richard did. Andy said he didn't deal with being gay until he was 21. He said it wound up being okay. He said it was hard but it was great that he did it.
Howard said it's too difficult to come out in high school. Howard asked if Andy thinks he could get Richard to do something gay with him. Andy said he thinks it would take a couple of drinks but probably.
Howard asked if Andy thinks that Benjy should have been kicked out of the studio. Andy said he did think it was right when he heard him making the analogy about Robin's weight. Howard asked if he should have been ejected. Andy asked how many times he was late. Howard said it's been a few times. Andy said he thinks if you're late for the air then yes. Howard said he was late for air. Andy said then it's justifiable.
Howard asked Andy about something mind blowing that he wrote about. He has never been with a woman at all. Howard said people would be shocked to know that Andy met a heterosexual couple in Boston on his book tour for the last book. Howard said he's out promoting the book and it's an attractive couple. Andy said they were both very attractive. He said the woman is very hot. He said she's tall, blond and has big tits. He said he has no recollection of what she was wearing. Howard asked if it was like Tom and Giselle. Andy said not quite. He said it's more like a rustic guy with character lines on his face. He said someone asked a question about Howard Stern. He said he likes getting that kind of feedback. He mentioned ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' and how that took off. He said it's amazing how fast it took off. They got sidetracked with that for a short time.
Howard said Andy was critical of James Corden saying he's the only late night show with a bar. Andy said he's had a bar on his late night show for 7 years. Howard said Andy has a show on Bravo at 11 at night. He said that is a late night show. Howard said he's overlooked all the time. Andy said he doesn't know why. Howard said it's anti-Semitism.
Howard got back to the story of the couple he met. Andy said someone in the crowd asked a question about Howard. He said he was doing the signing afterward and the guy says he's the one. He said he looks at the guy and he's a good looking dude. He said his girl loves him too. Andy said the guy says he's not his wife. He said he sees a window of opportunity. Andy said people always say they want to smoke pot with him. He said it's men or women or whatever. Andy said usually he wants to go to sleep after doing a show. He said this guy said he wanted to party with him and walked away. He said he was thinking it was interesting. Andy said he leaves but then he appears again. He gave him his card and his cell number. Andy said it was kind of scary. Andy said he said to him he had a nice tan. The guy says he was at Sandals. He said he was wondering if that's a swingers place. Andy said he put that card in his pocket. He said it was a 2 night gig in Boston.
Andy said he had a pot lollipop before the signing. He said he's never done that on his TV show. He said he'll drink on the show but never pot. He said he's been watching his weight lately so he doesn't drink much. He said he will do the pop lollipop to get through a signing. He said it's not an immediate thing. Andy said he's feeling good and feeling the love. He said he was doing a promotion for a phone company and using their phone and another phone. He said he had a Bat Phone kind of thing going on. He said if it was his normal phone he wouldn't have done this. He texted the guy on the Bat Phone. He said he was after the guy at this point.
Andy said he texts the guy and he tells him to come meet them at a Chinese restaurant. He said he was going to meet friends so he told the guy to come meet him for a drink after dinner. He said he was after this guy but not the girl. Howard said he gets it. He said he can see doing this for a hot chick. Andy said they're led by their dicks sometimes.
Andy said the guy said they don't do anything separately. He said he saw a picture of them and they were a good looking couple. He said he gets home around 1:30 in the morning and texts the guy. He asked the guy why he gave him his number. He said what was hanging in the air was that they don't do anything separately. He said he woke up to a long series of texts. He said he wakes up and reads the texts and they said they have explored with other women and they've never been with a guy. He said the guy has never been with another man in his life. He said he has said to the woman that if it's on her mind they can do something. She told the guy that she'd only be with Paul Walker and Andy Cohen. They somehow found him and he felt some kind of connection. Andy said they were willing to smoke it up and see where it goes.
Howard said now Andy is a good talk show guest. Andy said hello to Fred. He said that he met Fred's wife this summer. Howard had him get back to the story. Andy said he thought this was an interesting thing to him. He said he'd like to lose his virginity to a straight couple. He said he said to the guy that he'd need to be involved in this for it to happen. Andy said the guy said okay.
Andy said the guy said to him that he considered himself kind of ''freaky deaky.'' He said he says to the guy that he has to be involved and he's open to it with parameters. He said nothing with the butt and no kissing. He said he was fine with that. Andy said he loved Penthouse Forum when he was growing up. He said he as thinking that he's on a book tour and it's just like a Penthouse forum story. He said he told them to find a cozy spot in the hotel lobby and he'd find them.
Andy said the guy sent him an incredible dick pic that engaged him. He said he had a fantastic cock. Howard asked if he had balls in the picture too. Andy laughed and asked why. Howard said he's got his interest. He said the girl is in the picture and she's not nude. He said it's just great. Howard asked if he was shaved. Andy said he told him he wishes he would grow the bush more.
Andy said he was going to lose his virginity that day. He said the woman was in her 40s but very hot. He said he texts everyone he knows and tells everyone what's going on. He sent the dick pic to Kelly Ripa. He said Kelly was so into it. He said he told her he was going to lose his virginity that night.
Andy said he did the signing and then went to see the couple. He said they were shocked when he showed up. He said it was such a great sign to him. He said they were a real couple and it was such a great reaction. He said they had a great 90 minute hang out. He said they were drinking and hanging out and the girl was really a fan. He said they were getting ready to go up to the hotel room. He said he and the guy were playing footsie at the table. He said it was engaging to him intensely. He said the woman went to the bathroom a couple of times and then he'd talk to the guy about what he was allowed to do. He said they started getting more explicit. Andy said they were really talking about everything.
Andy said as it went on it was clear to him that he wasn't going to lose his virginity to the woman. He said she knew that he had never fucked a girl. He said it may have been further than she wanted to go. Howard asked what she was wearing. Andy said it was tight jeans and a sweater. Howard asked who she looked like. Andy said she was kind of like Rebecca Romijn. Howard said that's hot. Andy said it was really intense. He said she was hot.
Andy said they wound up naked. He said the guy showed him his cock. He said he thinks they all slowly got into the bedroom. Howard asked if she was nude. Andy said it was slow but they were all naked. Howard asked how he stacks up against the cock. Andy said he's happy with what he has. He said they did a little bit of everything. He said he touched her and she had great boobs. He said he was slowly touching him too. Howard said they're playing around and then what. Andy said he was touching him. He said there was kissing boobs and stuff. He said he was in and out of being hard. He said he watched them fuck and he loved it. He said it was gorgeous. He said he'd look for openings to get in there and do something. Howard asked what he was doing while this was going on. Andy said he was involved.
Howard asked how Andy had an orgasm. He asked if the guy blew him. Andy said he did a little. He said he and the guy ended up finishing off. He said they were a little cooperative. He said they jerked off. Howard said the guy must be gay. Andy said he doesn't think he is. Howard asked if that disappoints him. Andy said not at all. Robin asked if he's still a virgin. Andy said he is.
Howard asked if they're still in touch. Andy said they are. He said that he thinks when they were down drinking he thinks the energy toward him losing his virginity went out the window. He said it was more experimental than anything. He said it was still a great story.
Howard asked if he feels he let his fans down. Andy said he has seen the couple a couple of times. He said that they came by something he did. He said no sex went down that night. He said they did have another fool around one time. He said the guy blew him a little bit. He said he didn't cum in his mouth or anything. Howard said he thinks that guy is gay. Howard said this has gone further than he thought it would. Howard asked if the woman would put on a strap-on and fuck him in the ass. Andy said no. Howard said maybe this is actually Rebecca and Jerry O'Connell. Andy said it's not. He said Rebecca could play the woman in the movie version of the book.
Andy said that he said to the guy that night that he would never put this in his book. He said he did call the guy and asked if he could put it in the book if he changed their names. He said they worked with him and they came up with terms. Howard asked if he can bring them in next time. Andy said he thinks they would come in any time Howard wants.
Howard said he did a signing for an album he had out years ago and he was offered a girl by a big dude once. He said he can see where this kind of thing comes from.
Howard said he can see Andy fucking this woman some time. Andy said he doesn't think so. Howard said these two are fucking and Andy has to watch.
Howard gave Andy some plugs for the book and said you can find out more at TheAndyCohenDiaries.com
Howard said Andy has a new guy he's carrying on with. Andy said he met the guy a year and a half ago on opening night of the tour he's doing with Anderson Cooper. Howard said Andy wrote about this in his book. He met the guy and had to shit so he went to a bathroom in the lobby of the hotel. Andy said he actually went to the fitness club. He said he used the excuse that he had to go get an envelope in the lobby.
Howard said Andy wrote about Oprah in the book. Howard said Oprah asked him to be on the OWN network but it turned out she wanted him on to be on ''Where are they now?'' Andy said he was wondering where he was. He said he asked them to call him in 5 years when he's nowhere. Howard said they had a bunch of people who should be on the show before they asked him to be on. Andy said that he once got a note from Gayle King telling him that Oprah wanted to meet him and Anderson but he had to fly back that day so he wasn't able to do it.
Howard said Andy is friends with Kelly Ripa. He said that he has wondered why Michael Strahan left the show in his book and Michael was upset about that. Andy said they had a good relationship. He said that any time you say anything they say you're blasting the person. Andy said he didn't blast him. He said he asked if Michael read what he said or just the headline. He said he sent him a transcript of exactly what he said so he'd know.
Howard said he told a story about why he doesn't know why Trump ran for president and a headline cameo out saying he didn't want the guy to run and it got blown out of proportion.
Howard said Andy is the top gay because he was at Sarah Jessica Parker's house for the election. Andy said that there were just a few people there. He said he's been friends with them for a long time.
Howard said Andy has said it all. He gave him some more plugs for the book and the web site. Howard said JD was upset with Andy the last time he was on. He said Andy said he was homophobic. Howard told JD to have phone sex with him right now. JD laughed. Andy asked if JD and his fiancee would like to meet him in a hotel bar. JD said maybe but not if he's going to put it in the book.
Andy asked what happened with Hanzi. Howard said he doest know. Andy asked if anyone has been in touch with Eric the Actor's family in the past year. Howard said they had Jon on the show but not his family. Andy said he feels they don't do enough Eric marathons on Howard 101. Gary said they have done a lot of coverage of Eric on 101.
Howard said Natalie Maines lives with Eric's family now. Andy said she really is a bigger superfan than he is. He got in some plugs for appearances he's making. He had a bunch of dates. He said you can find them on his web site TheAndyCohenDiaries.com.
Andy mentioned that he's close with Kelly Ripa so Howard asked if something could go down there. Andy said he's pretty sure that's not going to happen. Robin said that he hasn't brought up Howard and Beth. Andy said he would do that in a second. Howard said he wants to map it out with him. He said his ass isn't totally off limits. Howard said he might have to blow Andy. He said he has to keep his hands off his Beth. Howard said the lights have to be off so he can't see his dick. He said he can fist him but that's it.
Andy asked what's going on with Richard Simmons. Howard said he hasn't heard from him in a long time. Howard said he had Richard Simmons to his house. He said he's a lot of fun but he's crazy. He said he yells and screams. He said he threw food in the pool and also squeezed him too tight.
Howard wrapped up with Andy after they talked about how he got into Andy's head the last time he was on the show. Andy said Howard got in there saying that no one was going to invite him anywhere if he keeps writing the diary. They got in some more plugs and ended the interview a short time later.
Howard came back and said he wrote this song with Marvin back in the 60s. Howard said he got a residual check the other day for over 100 dollars.
Howard said Arnold Schwarzenegger brought the country together. Howard said he has audio of him reading a quote from President Lincoln after the election. Howard said Gary fell asleep back in the office and Arnold just happens to be there to take over. Phony Arnold was firing everyone like it was Celebrity Apprentice.
Phony Arnold read some quotes and read one from Jon Hein's book ''Fast Food Maniac.'' He had some dopey quotes from the book that he read. Howard said he's glad he's there to produce the show. Then Arnold read ''Green Eggs and Ham.''
Howard said he's going to do the news with Robin. Arnold was talking about how smelly Gary's mic is and how he just jerked off on one of Gary's post-it notes. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said they're giving away a chance to sit in the studio and you can find out how to bid on that on HowardStern.com.
Howard said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Robin started her news with a story about a study about cats that says they're destructive predators. Howard said they say if you have cats you're less likely to have a heart attack. Robin read more but Howard asked her to stop because he's neurotic and he has a house full of 900 cats. Robin said it's just about pregnant women and how they're not supposed to handle feces. Howard said in general just don't handle cat feces. Howard asked Robin if there's anything to make him sick in there. Robin said there isn't. Arnold told him to stop being a pussy about cats. Howard played Robin singing ''Hallelujah'' again.
Robin said Stephen hawking predicts that we won't last another 1000 years on this planet. Robin said we have to get off the planet.
Robin read about how the app Tinder is letting people identify as other genders than male and female. She read some of the list and asked what Trans-Masculine is. Phony Arnold was yelling about that. He was also reading more quotes from the book ''Our Bodies Our Selves.''
Robin read a story about how mothers in the United States are less likely to spank their children than they were 30 years ago. Robin read about a study that was done about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Carrie Fisher's new book and how she wrote about an affair she had with Harrison Ford on the set of Star Wars. Howard said he was married at the time. Robin said he was sent the book before it came out so he must have known. Phony Arnold said having sex when you're married is nothing.
Robin read a story about a rape suspect who is accused of raping his wife but the judge is going to let him see his kids even though he's accused of raping their mom.
Robin read a story about Trump protesters and how many of the people who are protesting didn't vote. Howard said they didn't care enough to vote but now they're protesting. He said that's not right.
Robin read a story about McDonald's testing out a new Big Mac recipe. Robin asked if that's dangerous. Howard said yes. Robin said they're adding a spice Siracha sauce to the burger. Jon Hein came in to talk about that. He said he's thinking it's not such a great idea. Howard did a live commercial read after that. Phony Arnold told Robin to hurry up because he has to take a shit. He said it's starting to poke its head out like a turtle.
Robin read about how Trump is commenting on the people who are saying the electoral college is the only way he could win since he lost the popular vote. Robin said he's saying if the election was based on the popular vote he would have won even bigger than he did.
Robin read more about Trump and how his brand could have been hurt by this election. Arnold was still going off on the stories they were reading and interrupting Robin.
Robin read more about Trump and how there are reports that his transition team is in disarray. Robin said she's not sure she can believe these stories. Robin said they were wrong about so many things in the election.
Robin read about how Trump has put his kids on his transition team. Robin said he's also put them in charge of his trust and he wants them to have top secret clearance. Howard said he wouldn't even be around his father if he was elected President. Howard said he's envious of that. Phony Arnold read another quote. This time it was from Robin's book ''Quivers A Life.'' Howard said that's the governor healing the nation with quotes from Lincoln and now Robin Quivers.
Robin read a story about John Kerry being in Morocco for a climate change meeting. Robin had some details about that. Robin said he's saying that America is still committed to the agreement. Robin said it's only going to be good for another couple of months since Trump has said we're going to pull out.
Robin read a story about Steve Bannon being appointed to Trump's team. Robin said it's sparked hate crimes across the country. Robin had some audio of Harry Reid talking about that.
Robin read a story about protests going on over a pipeline being built in North Dakota. Robin said that they're protesting because it's being built on Indian land. Robin had some audio of Bernie Sanders talking about that.
Robin read a story about President Obama being protested in Greece on his last foreign tour as President. Robin said the protest ended peacefully. Robin had some audio of Obama talking about Trump's win in the election.
Robin read a story about people who drink diet soda might not be raising their risk of getting diabetes. Robin read the details of that and Arnold told her to save these stories for her bullshit web site.
Robin read a story about the Rolling Stones opening a new exhibit in New York City. Robin said it's a remake of the apartment they had in the 1960s. Howard said he loves them but he doesn't give a shit about that. Robin had some audio of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards talking about that. Arnold read one more quote from ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' before they ended the show. He read that and then freaked out banging on stuff in Gary's office. Howard thanked him for sitting in for Gary. Arnold said he wants to fuck Gary's mouth because it looks like a pussy. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 11:15am.
Here's what they replayed on Howard 100 today:
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Here's what they replayed on Howard 100 this morning:
Today's show was over around 11:00am.