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Howard started the show talking about the spooky music Fred had playing. They had some Halloween music playing over The Great American Nightmare song. Howard also had Wendy the Slow Adult as Freddy Krueger clips playing. Howard said that's Freddy's retarded sister. They had Robin laughing like a witch too. Howard asked where that's from. Robin said she doesn't know.
Howard said they have a big Halloween show coming up. He said he has a Halloween phony phone call to play. He played a call from Lee Kingsnatch where he calls a religious show. In the call Lee gave the show some phrases to say in Japanese like ''Ihavea Spidaweb Ovamygash'' to say they love their church. He also had them say things like ''Mygash tastelike Candycorn'' and things like that.
Howard said you gotta love Lee Kingsnatch on Halloween. Howard said that was a great phony phone call.
Howard asked if Robin wants to go into the haunted house room. Robin said she did. Howard said this is the Ben and Ray Stern Complaining room. He went into the room where they had clips of his parents complaining about various things. Howard said he can't take it in there. He asked for help. The clips were playing over each other. Howard said this is torture and he has to leave.
Howard said Lenny Dykstra recorded some special stuff just for Robin. He played the clip and Lenny talked about going to a party with Robin and saying she's not going to have any panties on. He said it's going to be a night she won't forget.
Howard said he was thinking of taking Robin into the Benjy feelings room. Robin said that might be worse than the Ben and Ray room. Howard said it smells like salad in there. He said Benjy just stares at you with his gross meatball eyes. Howard asked where Robin would rather be, the Benjy room or a room full of 20 Freds. Robin said the Fred room. Howard went into the Benjy room and Benjy keeps saying ''Hey Hare'' and telling him how he's feeling on air. Howard said get him out of there. He left and the door shut but Benjy was still going.
Howard said he wants to go into the hang myself room. Howard had them open the door for him again and Benjy was still talking about his feelings. Howard had them shut the door again. Robin said ''What a nightmare.'' Howard had them open the door again. Benjy was still going in a weird whispering voice. Robin said that's worse than Sal wanting him to be his friend. Howard said Benjy is still out of the studio today. He said he's being punished. Howard said he may be back tomorrow.
Howard said now they're going to the Perez Hilton Ghost Hunter special. Howard played a clip of fake Perez Hilton going ghost hunting and trying to stick a finger in it. Then he found out that it's actually just Benjy wearing a ghost sheet. Howard asked how scary that was.
Howard said now they're going in a room called the Beth Shitting Room. Howard said this is where his wife shits. Howard went in and Beth blasted out a fart and then shit. Howard said that would be a nightmare.
Howard said now they're going into the Broadway room. He said it's every shit theater on Broadway. He went in and there were Broadway tunes playing. Howard said this is what it sounds like in George Takei's head all day. He said it's his wet dream. He said there's no leg room and it has the most uncomfortable seats. Robin said she didn't mind that one so much. Howard opened the door for her so she could hear more of that.
Howard said now it's time for Beetlejuice and Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin. Howard played a clip where they had Beet talking about the great pumpkin with Charlie Brown clips.
Howard said he hates Halloween. He said he went out to eat last night and they have stuff in his building. He said people walking around in costumes never works out well. Robin said she was out to dinner too and her friends felt good about the costumes. Robin said one of her friends saw a costume of a person dressed as a subway ticket and the other person was train tracks. Howard said someone thought he was in a witch costume but he was just in his cool black clothes.
Howard said they're going into a really scary room now. He said it's the elevator gathering room where they have all of the people you run into there in the halls going to the elevator. They had clips of a bunch of the DJs there at SiriusXM talking to him as he's trying to get to the elevator. Howard got out of that one pretty quickly. He said the Halloween special is really heating up.
Howard played another clip of some Wack Packers making weird noises. Howard said he wants to bust through this and get out. Howard said this room is the Gary Vinyl and Clearing Throat room. He said all you hear is Gary clearing his throat and talking about vinyl. He said it sounds like the Wrap Up Show. Howard went in there and all they had was Gary talking about vinyl and clearing his throat. Robin asked how long they have to stay in there. Howard said it's as long as she thinks she can take it. They were out after a few more seconds.
Howard said he won't even take her into the Jackie the Joke Man room. Robin said please don't. Howard opened the door and they had Jackie telling some jokes to some spooky music. Howard got out of that one pretty quick but then they opened the door for a few more seconds to hear Jackie's jokes.
Howard had a clip of Wendy the Slow adult talking about her top favorite horror films. She said she likes Nightmare on Elm Street part 3. She likes Halloween at number 2. She gave another one and then belched and laughed. Howard said she stated from the top like a retarded listen. Howard said the Today Show hired her to do lists on their show.
Howard said they tried to get Wendy to be Wendy Krueger but they had a hard time with it. Howard had Memet trying to get her to say ''You live on Elm street'' but she kept saying ''I live on Elm street.''
Howard said everyone things this job is easy but it's not. He played another clip of Memet trying to get Wendy to repeat lines after him. She was just about puking trying to get some lines out as she was repeating after him.
Richard came in and said he got it all out of the way this weekend. He said he did his own makeup. Richard said he got stranded at his friend's house once and he won't go up there to do the makeup thing anymore. Richard said he was King Diamond at Oktoberfest so he got that out of the way.
JD came in too so Richard said they went out and did something on Friday night. He told Howard about going to this movie where they did spooky stuff. JD said he took a screen shot of the movie but Richard was taking pictures of all of the ghouls at the theater. Robin asked where the pictures all go. Richard said they just go in his phone for his personal pleasure. Howard asked if churches are that desperate that they have to show horror films. Richard said they must be.
Howard played a song parody about JD where they had him singing the theme song from Halloween. Robin was just staring at JD. Howard said everyone was doing that.
Howard said he has a song parody that Wendy performed called Diaper Rash to the turn of Monster Mash. Howard played the song and JD was giggling at that.
Howard said he has to take a break but when he gets back they're going into the Underdog Room at the haunted house. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and asked who that was performing. Fred said it was Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood. Howard asked if Robin wanted to get back to the Halloween music. Robin said okay.
Howard took a call from a guy, Apples, who was doing a bad Dracula impression. Howard went into the awful phone callers room after that. Howard went in and they had audio of callers with bad connections and people like King of All Blacks talking.
Howard said that's too scary for him. He said that room is his whole life. Apples asked where that guy Darth Nihilus is. Howard said he doesn't know. Apples asked if Howard is still friends with people he has dated. Howard said of course he is. He said that's what Facebook is for. He said you can see how people are aging. Apples asked if Beth cares. Howard said she doesn't. He said none of the women try to contact him. He said they all just watch how they're aging. Howard said you used to go to high school reunions to do that. He said Facebook is great because you don't have to go to the reunion. He said you see how people look and who they married. Howard said you wonder if you could have banged that person and things like that.
Howard said he wasn't brave enough to ask out the good looking girls. He said he knew they'd say no. He said he likes to see if they got fat or look like old ladies now. Howard said they sure enough do. He said now he'd reject them.
Apples asked which famous people Howard gets together with on vacations and things like that. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel and his wife are one couple. Howard said they usually get together around Christmas but not this year.
Apple asked Howard how often he's on Facebook and if he's friends with his ex-wife on there. Howard said he goes on maybe once a week but he's not friends with is ex-wife. Howard said he doesn't spend a lot of time on there. He said what he likes it for would be to secretly follow stuff. Howard said he doesn't want to share it with people. Howard said he likes Twitter because he can have a list of things he wants to follow that he doesn't want to share with anyone. Howard said he doesn't want to admit to following some stuff. He said there are pages he wants to follow on Facebook but they want him to share everything with his friends. Robin said he can make his Facebook page private. Howard said then his friends would still know what he's sharing. Robin asked what he'd need. Howard said he'd need a private list.
Robin asked Howard what he would want to see privately on Facebook. Howard said there are certain subjects he's interested in. He said lets say he's into hot guys. He said he doesn't want to tell everyone and doesn't want Beth finding out. Howard said if he wants to follow quilters why would he want to share that with everyone. Howard said there are things you don't want your sister to know you're following. Howard said if you like a page then everyone knows what you're into.
Apples asked if Howard would do a major commercial. Howard said of course he would. He said he was offered one for the Super Bowl. He said he turned it down because he didn't like what they were saying about him in it. Howard said his agent called and he got so angry that he hung up the phone. He said his agent told him not to do it too. Howard said he likes to say he'd never do a cigarette commercial like years ago. Howard said Beth used to do a lot of commercials and she turned down cigarette commercials years ago. Howard said he thinks the soda companies are horse shit... Apples laughed. He said he got his big commercial break and it was for Mountain Dew. Howard said he doesn't like soda companies but he's not sure what he'd do if they offered him a big check. He said he might sell out. He said he might donate the money to an obesity program or something.
Howard said he did turn down this commercial for the Super Bowl. He said they were trying to act like it would be good for him but he knows what's good for him. Apples said Howard has ''Fuck you'' money now anyway. Howard said he wasn't going to do something that makes him feel bad about himself.
Apples said he was in an Marco Rubio campaign commercial too. Howard asked if he's an actor. Apples said he is. He does some of those commercials and things like that. Howard said he would do a commercial. He said he had an offer from Coca Cola once but then they found out that he was going to be in it and they said no way. Howard said they rejected him after offering him the job. Howard said he figured it was an ad agency who hadn't pitched it to Coke yet. Howard said he wishes they had pitched it to Coke first.
Howard said he was offered one of those ''got milk?'' ads but he turned that down. He said the money was almost nothing. He said it was like they were doing him a favor. Howard said his daughter liked the idea of seeing her dad in that. Howard said he heard the money and said it never happened. Howard said if he's going to sell out there had better be some good money in it.
Robin asked if Howard would do a Matthew McConaughey commercial like he did for Lincoln. Howard said he thought he was goofing on himself so he thought they were good. Robin said she's not sure about that. She said she thought that they were just making him look bad.
Howard said he's done some commercials for America's Got Talent and for WNBC when he was working there. He said they were shit pay though. Howard let Apples go after that.
Howard shut the door on Scott. Robin said that room was scary. Howard said one of his favorite memory was the Zacherley show. Howard said he died at the age of 98 over the weekend. Howard said he forgot he was even alive. Howard said he never got married. He lived with his mama. Howard said Zacherley was a legend on TV there in New York. Howard said he was a horror guy and it was Zacherley and Vampira. Howard said he was born in 1918. He said they worked with him at K-Rock for a while and his parents never let him watch horror movies. He said that's what his life became. Howard said what he read about Zach was that he was in World War II and then he got into acting. He said he was smart too. Howard said he got into acting and played a black cloaked undertaker. Howard said he was in a Western or something. Howard said a TV station asked him to host Shocked Theater in Philadelphia. Howard said that's when Zacherley first appeared. He said it took off from there.
Howard said Zacherley had a hit record too. Howard had a clip from that album. Howard said Dick Clark named him the Cool Ghoul. Howard said he used to be known as ''Zacherle'' but then he added a Y to the end. Howard said he must have thought that was going to make him big.
Howard had some audio from the old Zacherley show. Howard said he never thought they'd have a world without Zacherley. He played some audio and said he's a University of Pennsylvania graduate doing this. Howard said it's even more spooky that he's a ghost himself. Howard said he never got married but he had a wife on his show that he'd yell at.
Howard said Zacherley did tell him that he had a threesome once. Howard said this was when they were on K-Rock. Howard said he didn't get into a lot of detail about that though. Howard said once in a while he'd pop up on various shows around Halloween. Robin said she never saw him on TV. Howard said he saw him when he was like 7 or 8. Howard said he knows he'll be disappointed he if he goes back and watches that stuff. Robin asked what got him. Howard said the guy was 98. Robin said something still has to get you.
Howard said TV was really cool when he was a kid. He said they had Soupy Sales and Zacherley. Howard said his niece is the creator of My Little Pony too. He said she must be rolling in the dough. Howard said Zacherley was on the show in 1982 and 1992. Robin said she has no recollection of that. Howard said he must have been at WNBC when he was on the first time. Fred confirmed that.
Howard said he used to work with Soupy Sales back at WNBC too. Howard said he was jealous of the guy and got into a fight with him. He said he did apologize to him later on.
Howard said he did Out of the Closet Stern with Zacherley. Howard said that must have been fun. He didn't remember doing it. Howard said they hated that character at NBC. Howard said he can just imagine what that was like. He said keep that in the archives.
Howard said Zacherley was the best part of his childhood. Howard said anyone on TV didn't yell at him or lecture him. Robin added ''...or tell holocaust stories.'' Howard took Robin back into the Ben and Ray haunted house room. They had Ben and Ray telling sad stories over each other. Howard got out but then went back in and said he can take more of that. Howard said his head is going to explode. He kept going in and out of the room. He said he's getting better at it.
Howard went into another room at the haunted house where Robin was going on and on about various things. Howard said Zacherley would be scared of this room. Howard said the walls are covered in green drink. Howard said this is tough. Robin said he's hanging in there. Howard said the only thing worse would be Robin doing a British accent.
Howard said Robin liked that room. He said it was very scary. Howard did his Zacherley voice and asked if anyone else watched him. Gary said he remembers seeing him when he was like 5 years old. He said he was on TV forever. He said sometimes it was channel 5 and sometimes channel 11. Howard asked if he heard him on WPLJ too. Gary said yes. Howard said that was some conversation they just had. Howard said Gary isn't a good person to have a conversation with. Robin said he was 5 years old so he doesn't remember a lot.
Howard asked if they're done with Halloween yet. He said he has more stuff to play. He said Richard got a hold of all of the porn tapes and called a religious show saying he was calling from a haunted house. Howard played the clip where Richard gets on the show and says he's calling from a hell house. Then he played clips from porn movies that sounded like people scaring him. They were actually guys cumming though. That led to the hosts talking about what they just heard and how only the Holy Ghost can bring you back. Then Richard called in again with more porn clips. The host said that's idiotic.
Howard said he should take another break. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said they asked people to get in touch with them if they have had genital horror stories. Howard said they have a couple of guys who have genital horror stories in the office too. Howard said Brent has one and Richard does too.
Howard got this guy Matt on the phone and thanked him for calling in. Howard said this guy had a bad experience while getting a blow job. Matt said he was about 25 years old and he met a girl in a bar. He said they went home together and they were making out. He said she was rough and biting him and stuff. He said it was too rough. Matt said they made their way to the bedroom. He said he wasn't man grooming at the time so the hair was pretty long on his balls. He said she went down on him and she was licking his balls. He said she spent time on one spot on his balls. He said it felt really good but it was clinical. He said the next thing he knew he felt the most pain in his life. He said she swirled the hair around on his balls and when it was clumped she ripped it out of his balls. Matt said he was bleeding everywhere. He said there was skin the size of a dime missing from that area.
Howard was cringing and Fred was playing screaming clips as Matt told the story. Howard asked what he did when that happened. Matt said he was freaked out. He said she was freaking out too and said she didn't know what to do. Matt said he was too embarrassed to go to the hospital. He said what he did for the time it was healing was putting ointments on it and putting gauze on his balls. He said this was about 10 years ago. Howard asked if it's healed up. Matt said there is a scar there. He said at the time there were ingrown hairs. He said he had to pull them out with tweezers. He said he still has to do it. Howard said the hairs turn on themselves. Matt said exactly. Howard asked if he's friends with her on Facebook. Matt said he's not.
Howard said they have to give Matt a prize. He asked if they have any Flat Ronnie's. Robin asked if he avoided oral after that. Matt said he used to stick his cock out of his boxers so his balls were protected. Gary told Howard they do have a Flat Ronnie for Matt. Howard put him on hold and said they have to thank Lightning Labels for the Flat Ronnie things.
Howard took a call from a guy named Chris who told a story about having problems going to the bathroom peeing. He said he'd stand there for a half hour or an hour with just dribbles coming out. He said his urologist told him he had something stuck in his urethra. He said he had to do surgery. He said they went in with a camera up his pee hole. Howard said he got him already. Chris said he has to self catheter once a month now because of what went on. Chris said he was 20 when they did this. He said the doctor told him he had a mass in there. He said he went into a big depression. He said it was scar tissue that built up. He said he's not sure where it came from. He said it could have been something from when he was a kid.
Chris said the doctor burnt it off but it came back after a couple of months. He said because it's scar tissue it keeps coming back. He said he has to do the self catheter about 10-12 times a year now. He said he does it in the shower and soaps up the area first. He said he lubes it up and uses iodine and then puts the catheter in. Howard was cringing and said this is the worst Halloween ever. Howard said he's dying over there. Howard said his balls have a weird queasy feeling.
Chris said he has to puncture through the scar tissue. He said he has a waterfall of blood that comes out. Howard said he should see a urologist about it. Chris said they'd have to filet open his penis and go in with a stent to keep it open. He said they'd have to reroute his urethra to near his bum so he'd have to sit down to pee like a girl. Chris said he got depressed when all of this happened. Howard said they should give him like 1000 Flat Ronnie's for that story. He said he's so sorry to hear that. Howard said this is an awful Halloween. Howard put Chris on hold to get his Flat Ronnie.
Richard and Brent came in after that. Brent said he was over in Okinawa back when he was in the service. He said one girl asked him to take his condom off when he was doing her. He said he got a urinary tract infection and the doctor took this long Q-tip looking thing and pushed it all the way down into his pee hole and pulled it out. Howard asked why he would do that. Brent said he was checking for what he had in there. Brent said he felt like he was going to pass out. Howard said they could have checked it with the piss test. Brent said they did that but that came back weird and they had to do another test. Brent said that was particularly brutal. He said he felt like he was going to pass out from it.
Howard said that sounds like torture. Howard said they could have put him to sleep. Brent said it's a quick thing. Howard asked what that felt like. Brent said he broke into a sweat from it. Howard asked if that was a segment on the Bubba show. Richard said it was ''Swab the cock.'' Brent said they would do other things on the show.
Richard said his story is going to sound lame after this. He said he got a tick on his cock once. He said the head of the tick was in there. He said that he used to get ticks and chiggers back when he was a kid.
Howard took a call from the guy who helped Brent nurse his cock back to health. He said he did that with his tongue. Howard said he wants him to know he's on Facebook too.
Howard asked Richard where the tick was. Richard said he had it on the head of his cock. Howard said he got a tick in his balls once. Howard said he thinks he told this story once. Howard said he was on a beach and the tick went right onto his balls. He said he didn't know right away. He said when he went for a run later in the day he felt something on his balls. He said he looked down and saw this thing that looked like a big pimple. He said he thought he had to go to the doctor for it. Howard said he was trying to pop it but nothing was happening. He said he had to ask Beth to look at it. He was trying to get his cock hard so she wouldn't see his flaccid cock. Howard said Beth looked at it and figured it was a tick. Howard said she tried pulling it out and there was blood all over. Howard said she ended up pulling that fucker out with her nails. Howard said this thing was so big and it sucked so much blood out of his balls. He said they popped it and threw it in the toilet. Richard said you have to make sure the head gets out. He said that's what he had. He said the head got stuck and it got infected.
Howard said he didn't end up getting Lyme disease from it. He said he lucked out. He said Brent's story is 10 times worse. Howard said he never wants a stick going up his cock. Brent said anything going up there will hurt. Richard said Ronnie gets kidney stones. Howard said he says it feels like glass going through there.
Howard said he has another caller with a story. Howard picked up on Shannon who had a genital horror story. She said she had big varicose veins when she was pregnant. She said she hadn't looked at her vagina but there were huge varicose veins down there. She said she had a big blue vein on her lips down there. Shannon said just the left one was a big vein. She said it's a very vascular area. Howard asked what it looks like now. Shannon said you can still see the blue vein down there. Shannon said her husband refused to look at it. Howard said he thinks you have to still tell the woman it looks beautiful down there. He said in his head he's calling her Franken Lips. Richard came up with Snatchula.
Howard said life isn't hard enough she's getting a hemorrhoid with her pussy lip. Howard said ''Sorry, labia.'' Howard said all you want to do is have a baby and then you get varicose veins in your pussy. Howard said she goes through all of that and then the kids are ungrateful. Robin said she ended up with Cunt Chocula. Shannon said she had to wear a bra strap-like device to hold up her lips too. Howard said that's awful.
Howard said that is a terrible story. Howard asked Shannon if she still has that down there. Shannon said it's still there. She said that it's not as bad. She said that she went to a surgeon about it but they don't do anything about it anymore. She said her gynecologist did a check down there and he said he was so sorry for her. Howard said pregnancy is rough. Shannon said they're not going to have a third child after that. She said she had surgery on her leg after that. She said that she gained like 23 pounds so it wasn't that much. Howard asked how big the babies were. She said that one was 8 pounds and the other was 6 but she's only 110. Howard asked if her husband won't go down on her. She said that she's working on that.
Howard said he would go down on her to make her feel better. Howard asked if she wants a Flat Ronnie too. Shannon said that would be awesome. She said they're huge fans. She said she hates Benjy though.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims he got his cock stuck in a folding couch. Howard asked if the guy was fucking his couch. Richard said he used to do that. Howard said he knew a guy who invented this thing where he'd fuck a pillow that he filled with lube. Howard said he didn't want to be friends with that guy anymore. Howard said that was way into masturbation. Howard said he never shared that kind of stuff with anyone. Howard asked the caller what he did. The caller said he didn't fuck his couch. He said he was watching cartoons on a Saturday when he was 10 or 12. He said he was in the living room and they have this huge sleeper couch that he was on. He said his mom yelled at him to put it away. He said his aunt and uncle were coming over. He said he jumped on the couch to push it down and his dick got stuck between the bar and the frame and he screamed so loud. He said his mother and father came in and he's screaming. He said he can't explain what happened. He said he got out of it and he was weeping. He said he ran into the bathroom and looks at his penis and it's purple. He said he had to call his mother in to look at it.
Howard said he's grateful for his small penis now. Howard said he can't get his caught in anything. Brent said imagine his parents finding out he did something like this. Howard said they gave him a hernia check once. He said his father did that and he's no doctor. He said his mother used to take his temperature anally too. Howard said she'd lay him down and stick it in while he was on his stomach. Howard let the couch penis caller go after that.
Howard did an impression of his parents doing surgery on him after seeing it done on the Zacherley show. Robin said that's really bad too. Howard said he was probably in high school when his father checked him fir hernia. Robin asked why he thought he had a hernia. Howard said he had pain in his balls. He said maybe he just wanted his dad to check him. He said he may have had a groin pull or something from doing something athletic which happened very infrequently.
Howard said he's having trouble with this right now wondering why they did it. Howard said it was traumatizing for his dad. Howard said he's freaked out by that right now. Robin said she is too. Howard did more of his dad impression and had him ''testing, testing... one, two'' on his balls.
Howard said it's weird for your mom to take your temperature anally when you're a teen. Howard said he was way too old. Robin said even for a 7 year old it's getting too old. Robin said they did have to take anal temperature when she was a nurse. Robin said they don't do that anymore because it wasn't necessary. Howard said he wondered why she needed such an accurate temperature. Robin said it was never necessary. Richard said Robin took his and Sal's temperature anally once. Richard said he thinks Sal won that one with a higher temperature.
Howard said his mom had to take a stool sample from him once. He said the doctor though he had pinworms because he was constantly scratching his asshole. Howard said he was embarrassed so his mom got a cardboard box, cut the top off and had him sit on the toilet with the box under him to catch the doody. Howard said he remembers doing that and taking the box to his mom. Howard said he doesn't remember if he had pinworms. He said he may have.
Howard asked if Richard ever had pinworms. Richard said he never did but he had a friend who got worms from stepping in dog shit. Howard said they used to jerk off to Brad Pitt too. Richard said that's true. Howard said it's weird to have a poster like that when he's a little kid. Richard said he was in his 20s actually.
Howard said he has more genital stories. Howard took a call from a guy named Shannen. Shannen said when he was 13 he wasn't circumcised. He said his parents decided to do it when he was 13. He said he was right at that age when things were happening. He said when he came out he was trying to grab at people because it hurt so bad. He said it was all swollen up and he had to go soak in a bath tub. He said they had to pull the stitches out. Howard said they do this to babies too. Howard said he doesn't get why they do it. Howard said they had a bris and his feet had to be held down while they did it. Howard said you're an infant and they don't use any anesthetic or anything. Howard said that's some fucked up shit. Howard said he wonders where the religion is in there.
Shannen said the worst part of the story was that the stitches didn't come out so they had to be pulled out. He said that was the worst. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said he doesn't know how many more of these Robin wants. Robin said she didn't know there were so many ways to damage genitals.
Howard took a call from a guy who had a story about a skate boarding injury. the guy said he was sliding down a handrail and he did it one time and hit his balls on the rail. He said it hurt really bad so his buddy told him to just pull his pants down and show him. He said his gonad fell out of his sack because he had cut it open. Howard asked if it rolled down the street. Howard said he didn't know that was possible. The caller said it didn't go flying out. He said it was like cracking an egg. He said he passed out and when he woke up they had to take him in the school. He said they slipped the stretcher under him and the stretcher pinched his ass cheek. Howard said this poor guy. Howard said that's horrible. Richard asked if the balls look different now. The caller, Jason, said they do. He said one is all jacked up. He said his friends call him ''One Ball Jay'' because they think he has just one.
Howard said they should give this guy the actual Ronnie instead of a Flat Ronnie. Howard asked Gary if they have one for this guy. Gary said they do so he's good. Howard said maybe it's a punishment to give him a Flat Ronnie. Howard said maybe he can stick his balls through Ronnie and show them his balls that way.
Howard said this is brutal. He said he has 50 people on the phone with more stories. Howard asked what a torn frenulum is. Gary said he thinks it's the skin on the bottom of your dick when you pull it up. Howard didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said he saw Gary's dick in the gym once. He said he was taking a shower and he just stood there in the locker room. Howard said Gary is pretty hung. Howard said he thinks he's done with the stories. He said he can't take it anymore. Robin said the frenulum is the skin that's attached to the foreskin. Howard said he has nothing called a frenulum.
Howard said he and Beth got flu shots. Howard said they say that there are all kinds of strains that aren't covered by the shot. Robin said she got one last year and still got the flu. Howard said he read that Sirius gives them to the employees. Gary said they have a nurse on one of the floors that can give them. Howard asked if Fred got one. Fred hasn't yet but he will get it. Gary said Jon Hein got it through the company. Howard said he's not sure if he'd trust them to do that. Howard said he's seen a lot of fucked up things around there.
Howard said the guys should get one. Richard said he hasn't gotten one in a long time. Howard said he used to be against it but now he's all for it.
Howard went back into the haunted house and went into the Yoko Room. Howard said this is the scariest room. They had clips of Yoko singing in that room. Robin said she's getting a headache from that room.
Howard said this room is where everyone wants to shake your hand. Howard went in there and people were coughing and asking to shake hands with him. Howard said get him out of there. He said people still shake his hand. Howard said real men want to shake hands. He said he wants to fist bump them but he shakes their hands.
Howard said people don't give a fuck about their hands. Richard said that he's had guys come in and shake his hand in the bathroom before washing their hands.
Howard took another genital horror story. Howard said he has to hear this one. The guy's name was Larry. Larry said his father wasn't circumcised and his dad got cancer on his penis so they had to remove most of it. He said he went to the hospital with his father and they said things were fine but for 2 hours they didn't get to see him. He said he snuck in and found his dad and he's never heard anyone scream like that. Howard said this guy sounds like the Dukes of Hazard. Larry was from Georgia. Howard said he sounds like Rosco P. Coltrain.
Larry said his dad had lung cancer and brain cancer and they had to remove part of his ear. Howard said he must live in the woods in Georgia. Larry said he's from Calhoun. Richard said he's neighbors with Daniel Carver down there. Howard did an impression of Larry telling stories about the parts they removed from his dad. Larry said he's not with them anymore. Howard said he wouldn't think so.
Richard said he bets this guy has had Rocky Mountain Oysters. Larry said no thank you to that. Howard asked how his mother's vagina is. Larry said she made him wear a condom for a couple of years before he had his penis removed. Howard said that's a terrible story. Howard asked Gary if they have a Flat Ronnie for this guy too. Gary said they do.
Howard asked what Larry does for a living. Larry said he's a truck driver and he'll put Ronnie in the passenger seat. Howard asked if he has a confederate flag. Larry said that he does and they fly it every day. Howard did his impression of Larry and goofed on him about that a little bit. Howard asked how old his dad was when he had his penis chopped off. He said he was 59 or 60 and he died at 62. Howard said no man should ever have to go through that. Richard said it's like the guy in The Fly when he lost his penis.
Howard asked the caller if his dad ever went down on his mom after that. Larry said he's not sure about that. He said if he asked his mom she'd kick him out of the house because she's so religious. Howard told Larry to set his mom up with Flat Ronnie.
Larry said his son had to go through bone marrow transplant and the guy he got it from had Lou Gehrig's disease so that got him. He said his son died in 2011 so they're coming up on the 5th anniversary of that. Howard said he's sorry to hear that too. Howard said somehow Ronnie is still alive. Robin asked if he has other kids. Larry said he has a 25 year old and a 22 year old. He said they're doing good. Howard told him to hang on. Larry also told him he sleeps with a 9mm under his pillow. Brent asked ''Who doesn't?'' Howard asked if anyone ever tries to pull his rebel flag down. Larry that's never happened. Howard said he'd like to give him some advice on that. Howard asked whose idea it was to do that. Larry said it was his wife's idea. He said she likes it for the south but nothing against black people or anything like that. Howard asked how you let black people know that. Larry said that's why he sleeps with the 9mm under his pillow.
Howard said his wife must know it's offensive. Larry said she does. He said his son drives a truck and his wife told him not to put the flag on his truck because someone might hurt him. Howard said that's a fucked up thing. Howard asked if his wife's family is racist. Larry said his father was a little bit. He said that's probably why he got the cancer. Howard said he never puts bumper stickers on his car or anything like that. Howard said the flag is a bad idea. Howard said he'd take that thing down. He said he wouldn't hang it outside. He said maybe inside. Larry said it just needs to go so that's what he's going to do with it. Howard put him on hold a short time later.
Howard said he taped a Swastika to his house for German pride. Howard said that's what he tells everyone when they ask about it. Howard said imagine your wife hangs a confederate flag on the house. Howard said that guy's story about his son dying really got him. He said he's not sure how he'd go on if one of his kids died. He said he just can't imagine that pain.
Howard said Memet went to a witch ritual in the woods and it's so like some of the ladies Robin used to hang out with. Robin said that one of her friends said she hopes it doesn't rain on Halloween because she goes into Central Park to celebrate. Brent asked if Howard would care if he dated a woman who was like that if she was hot. Howard said he wouldn't give a shit. He said he used to dirty talk with Beth but she shushed him once so he stopped. Howard said he knows better than to do that. Howard said one girl told him it was sexy but he's not sure if he believes it. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and asked Fred what he was playing. He just got back from the bathroom. Howard sang along to ''Zombie'' and said he watched a movie that someone sent him. He interrupted himself and said he's not done with Halloween yet. Howard had Fred play the spooky music. Howard said he'll read the reviews for a movie like this and they're bad. Howard said the movie was ''Captain Fantastic'' and it was good. Howard said Viggo Mortensen shows his cock in the movie and Beth kept saying that he looks good. Howard said he walks out with a big penis and says it's no big deal because everyone has a penis. Howard said he doesn't have one like that. Howard told Robin about the movie and what it's about. Howard said they loved the movie but then you read the reviews and you think you're an idiot for liking it. Howard said he really did like it though.
Howard said there was no need for him to show his cock in the movie though. Robin said there's no reason for women to bare their breasts. Howard said he always thinks that's necessary.
Howard asked them to find something bad about Viggo Mortensen because he wants to put him down to Beth. Robin said she's sure he's had a number of relationships. Howard said he has to show Beth she's better off with him. He said he puts that right into her head as fast as he can.
Howard asked where Memet is. Memet came in a short time later. Memet said that he doesn't care about the email. He said all of the email about Jason is negative. Howard said he heard that Memet likes to watch porn with old men fucking younger women. Howard said he likes that too. Howard said he remembers seeing Jenna Jameson or someone like that fucking an older guy with grey hair. Gary said it was Jenna. He said she was like 17 and he was like 90. Howard said she had to be over 17.
Howard asked JD about something he saw but JD said he messed up and thought it was someone else. JD said the guy with Jenna was probably in his 50s. Memet said when you see a girl like that fucking and older guy you think they'd fuck anyone.
Howard said there are a lot of people calling for Benjy to be fired. Howard said there are some who think he should be in the studio. Howard said some people think he should get his emotions in control and not go off on Benjy for an hour. Howard said his therapist was on vacation for a week so he was having a hard time. Howard said his psychiatrist was telling him he needs to have some dependency. Howard read more of the email about Benjy. Howard said he picked the wrong week to be late. He said that was the week his therapist was off.
Memet said Howard is leaving out the Jason email and letting him off the hook. Jason said Memet came to him last week apologizing to him and asking if he was still on his guest list for a party. Memet said he was being super sensitive about the whole thing. He said he apologized to him and he wasn't even looking at him. Howard read that Scott Ian from Anthrax said they should fire Benjy. He said Jen Kirkman and Mariann from Brooklyn did too. Howard said Jillian Barberie said she was late to her morning show a few times early on but she did that show for 20 years.
Howard moved on to the Halloween witch ritual. Howard asked who they are. Memet said they are legit witches. He said it was hard to get into this thing. He said they had to negotiate for weeks for him to show up. Howard said Robin explored this whole world. Robin said she wasn't exploring it. She said she never went to one of these things. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Robin said she has to get up early in the morning so how could she do this?
Howard said that Memet went to this ritual where 20 witches showed up to pray to the full moon. Memet said the buildings are so high you can't even see the moon there. Howard said at least you know the moon is there. Memet said it's no crazier than any other religion. Howard said the moon does things to this planet so it is something real. Howard said Memet said some of the witches were hot but they were kooks. Howard asked if they were really out there. Memet said some of them were. He said they draw pentagrams and stuff. He said he would go out with them though.
Howard said they laid a carpet out with salts and oils. Howard said Robin would love this. Robin said there are 5 things that happen when you have rituals. Howard read more about what the witches did at this ritual and then said he has to get to the clips.
Howard said in this clip they worship nature. He said some think they were trees in a past life. Howard played a clip of the women singing an awful song. Robin said one thing they can't do is write a good song. Memet said they made him join the circle and it was really embarrassing. Howard asked if there were any dudes there. Memet said there were. Howard said they just want to get laid. Howard said he's sure if you put your time in you could get them.
Robin said Memet may have a booger on his face. Memet said it was a piece of paper from wiping his nose. Memet asked how long she saw it there. Robin said she just noticed it.
Howard played another clip where this witch was praying to the lady of the moon. Howard asked why every religious story has to be so boring. He said she's speaking like a rabbi. Howard said that's not how she really talks. Howard said he's picturing a woman with her legs unshaved. Memet said he's sure there was a lot of that.
Howard played another clip of a bunch of women praying together. Robin asked if they had that written down. Memet said they did. Howard said there are too many religions in this country. He said a lot of them are just there to make people feel special. Howard said don't make fun of these ladies if you're into a religion because you're doing the same thing. Memet said the sounds of the city kept interrupting the ritual too.
Howard played a clip where the witches were doing a serenity prayer and the sound of a siren was blasting over them. Memet said a jazz band started playing over them too. Howard said he heard a guy playing saxophone under an overpass and he should have recorded it because he's not sure the guy was playing a real song. Howard said the guy had his case open to collect money and he felt like taking it.
Howard said one witch claims she gave herself an abortion with a spell. He said he's not against that. Howard played a clip of Memet talking tot he woman about that. She told Memet that she spiritually made herself lose pregnancy because she wasn't ready for it at that time in her life. She said she consumed certain herbs and prayed and chanted to do that. Howard said he has to say that's pretty powerful. He said it's not true but it's powerful. Howard said if he knocks someone up and she says she's doing that he'd say that's plan C and he'd do something else.
Howard had a clip of a male witch who said he's an alien. Howard said Riley Martin laughs at this guy. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how he's a citizen of earth and this is reality. He said we're here to terraform this planet and other planets. That's our purpose according to that guy.
Howard played another clip of a witch talking about casting spells and how long you have to study to do that. Howard said there's no such thing as an easy fix. Howard said how about a spell to get yourself a job and get out of the park. Howard played more of that woman talking about how she has cast spells and caused some problems in her life.
Howard played another clip of Memet talking to a hot chick witch there. Howard asked if she was a 10. Memet said she was a 9. He said the other women said that this witch thing has affected their dating lives but this one said the guys love it. Howard asked if he asked her out. Memet said he would have but he's shy so he didn't. Howard played audio of her talking about how the guys she dates are interested in what her idea of witch is. Howard said if you date a woman that hot it takes like a month before you even hear a word she says.
Howard asked if it was fun. Memet said it was. He said witches are real everyone. Howard asked how his dating is going. Memet said it's not good right now. Howard said he heard a story about him going out on a date and the girl didn't respond to his follow up texts. Memet said if they're not a fan of the show they're just not into him. He said he's dying to know what he did wrong with this girl. He said he was feeling sparks. He said she was hot too. Memet said he met her on Tinder. Howard said girls just want to do it once on there. Howard said that's what he thought Tinder was for. Memet said it mostly is. He said he's looking for a relationship though. Howard said maybe it was the shit on his face that Robin saw.
Howard asked Memet how long he waited to text her. Memet said he waited a night. He said he got nothing from her. Howard asked if he's a good looking dude. Robin said he is. Robin wondered what he's doing. Howard asked if the guys have a handle on it. Memet said he's shy. Howard asked what he talks about. Memet said he talks about work and family. He said he engages them. Howard said he's down on himself in general though. Memet said he does take it hard. He said he gets down himself and then doesn't want to date. Howard said maybe she'll text him back. Memet said it's been like 5 days now. He said he doesn't think she'll text him.
Howard asked if she knows he lives in the ghetto. Memet said she doesn't. He said this happens to him a lot though. Howard said he heard he makes the girls pay for the drinks. Memet said that was when he was getting laid. He said this time he paid. Memet said when you treat them nice you don't get texted back. He said he tried being the nice guy this time. He said he was being a gentleman.
Howard asked the guys if they have a handle on what he's doing wrong. Howard asked if he has bad breath. Memet said he doesn't think so.
Gary gathered some information. He said he suffers from only child syndrome. He said he texts the girls too fast too. He said he doesn't give them any time. Memet said he thinks the girl he's dating is ''the one.'' Howard said he should tape a date. Memet said he's dying to know what he does wrong. Howard asked where he meets them. Memet said he meets them in a nice bar. Howard asked what the girl was wearing. Memet said it was business casual. He said it was after work drinks. Howard went into his girl voice and tried reenacting the date. Memet said she seemed to be into him on the date. He said he'd love Shuli to call her up and ask what the deal was. Howard said he should do that. Howard said he can have Shuli investigate. Howard said that would be awesome. Memet said he'll do it but he's afraid what he'll hear.
Howard asked Shuli to call this girl. Shuli said he would love to. He said that he thinks his slump isn't a slump that other people would have. He said Memet isn't shy like he says he is. Howard said maybe his expectation is too high. Memet said he can get laid but he can't get a girlfriend.
Gary asked if someone came to look at his apartment and he thought there were sparks and when he texted her he never heard back. Memet said he felt an instant connection with her. He said that he asked for her number and said he was sorry about the room but would she grab a drink with him. Howard said that sounds reasonable. Memet said she didn't even respond.
Shuli said he tried to hook him up with Nicole Bass the other day but he wouldn't go for that. Howard said he's going to have Shuli call this woman and get an answer about what went wrong. Howard said they have to ask what the problem was. Memet said he didn't even go in for a kiss and some people think that's where he messed up. Howard asked Memet breathe on Shuli to find out if he has bad breath. Memet said he's not going to do that. Howard asked him to come over to him. Memet said he has cotton mouth now and he's not going to do it. Howard said maybe he had it on his date. Memet said he didn't. Howard said if you eat crappy you will have bad breath.
Howard kept going with Memet until he finally talked to Shuli up close. Shuli said he doesn't smell anything. Howard said they're going to try to get an answer for him. Howard thanked him for the witch thing. He said he thinks Shuli can get the job done too. Howard said he's an ace reporter.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't want to spoil The Walking Dead but what does he think is the best show on TV right now. Howard said he hasn't watched this week. He said he's going to get his dinner and watch tonight. Howard asked if Robin has seen it. Robin said she did and she liked it. The caller asked what his favorite TV shows are. Howard said Walking Dead, Ray Donovan and The Strain. The caller asked if he watched The Night Of. Howard said he doesn't like mistaken identity stuff. He said he won't watch that. He said he liked The Night Manager. Howard said he likes Homeland and he's re-watching The Sopranos again. The caller asked if he'd watching Better Call Saul. Howard said he's not into it. Robin said Fargo is so good too. Howard said he's not into that. Howard said he likes Supergirl. He asked when that starts again. Jason said it is on already. He said it's on the CW. Howard said he's not getting it. Howard said his guys record every piece of shit but not that show. Howard said he's so upset.
Howard asked JD where he is. JD got on and said that's something that he set up. Jason told him that it moved to the CW so he has to change the season pass. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard had Fred play a Robin song parody. Fred played a Halloween themed parody. That was ''Robin's Gash'' to the tune of Monster Mash.
Howard asked if there are any news clips. Wendy Kruger got on Gary's microphone and asked if she has any money for Freddy. Howard thanked her and had Robin start her news. Howard asked if there are any clips. JD said he's in the middle of it.
Robin started her news talking about a guy who wanted to sprinkle the remains of his loved one in the Metropolitan opera house and he did it. Robin said he did it during an intermission and they had to stop the performance. Robin said she can't imagine anyone wants to sit in those ashes. Robin said it can get into your nose and it's horrible. Howard said if he were there he'd think something interesting was finally happening. Robin said she was at a Broadway show last night called The Front Page with Nathan Lane and John Goodman. Robin said they had to stop the show because of a medical emergency. Robin said even the actors didn't know what was going on. Robin said they never did tell them what happened but they had to stop the play. Howard said he'd have to get out of there if that happened. Robin said the person she was with thought it was part of the show. Howard went into the Broadway room in the haunted house again and played audio of the shitty Broadway songs. Robin said the man who sprinkled the ashes told police what he did and they stopped the show. Howard said they should give him 15 years in prison for that. Robin said no charges are expected to be filed. Wendy asked ''Anything else Robin? I have to go to the bathroom. Open your mouth Gary.''
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if he really thinks Huma Abedin is hot. Howard said he does. Tommy said he's crazy. Howard said he watched the documentary ''Weiner'' and he highly recommends it. Robin said she tried to watch it and she can't stand it. Howard said he couldn't turn it off. Howard said it follows Anthony Weiner running for mayor and his wife Huma is prominently displayed. He said he feels bad for her. He said she had a kid with the guy and she was trying to keep it together. Robin said she stayed. Howard said he feels bad because she married a guy and her life is falling apart. Howard asked if Robin has any compassion for that. Robin said it's like ripping off a Band-Aid. Howard asked if she's ever been in a relationship where she thought she had him all wrong. Robin said no. Howard said she must be perfect. Robin said that's not it. She said it's not something that will destroy her life. Robin said Weiner is just a fucking drag. Howard said she tried and he feels bad for her. Robin said she feels bad for the people who have insinuated themselves into the election. Howard said there's nothing there. Robin said it muddies the water. Howard said it's about the emails. He said show him one that is a problem. Tommy said there is one that they haven't revealed yet. Howard asked if it's odd that they opened it now. Howard said he's sticking with feeling bad for Huma. He said he does think she's hot too. Robin said she is very attractive. Tommy said it's all because Obama was involved and he's covering up for her. Howard said who cares, hung up on Tommy and wondered about the polls for this election because people are bouncing back and forth. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Howard said he has to talk about some articles that were written about him. He said someone called about the tapes of the show being used for the Trump thing. Howard said there's an article that says Howard Stern says misogynistic is who Trump is. Howard said he never said that. He also said that there was one about him being hypocritical about the whole thing. Howard said he wants this election to be the fuck over. He said he didn't ask for this. He said it sucks for him. He said he didn't rip Trump. Howard read the article to Robin where they talked about him being a democrat and he's not a democrat. Howard said all he said was that the tapes are out there and they've played them over and over again. Howard said now they're calling him a hypocrite. Howard said he wants an apology from Donald for running for president. Howard said all he said was that the tapes were out there and no one uncovered them. Howard said none of it was hidden. He said he's not sure how that makes him a hypocrite. Robin said she's not sure either. He said he wants this election to just be over already. Howard said he talked to Jeff Jarvis about the tapes when he called in. Howard said they never hid the tapes. Now the headline is that he's a hypocrite. Howard said he's also not calling Trump misogynistic. Howard said he did say he always rated women and talked in this way. He said he may have said ''misogynistic way'' if that's what you want to consider the way he talked. Howard said he's not hiding anything. He said he's not running for election so he doesn't need to be involved. Howard said he's not even sure why he's upset. Robin said things always work out badly for them. Howard said he doesn't want anything but this election to be over. He said he wants to be left out of the whole thing.
Wendy Krueger asked if they have seen Freddy's cat because it ran away. Robin said she thought she was Freddy. Wendy told her to shut up. She also said screw you Fred. She said it was his cat that ran away. Howard said he's arguing with a slow Freddy Krueger. Wendy wished them a merry Christmas too. Howard did a live commercial read after that. JD came in during the news because he was helping out with Robin's news clips. JD said something was going on with the Wrap Up Show so the other person is busy. Howard said GWAR is going to be on the Wrap Up Show today so that's what JD was talking about. Howard said he's looking forward to that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Billy Bush getting fired over the comments he made on the bus with Donald Trump. Robin said Billy's life went up in smoke and now his wife is furious about the Donald Trump tape. Robin said she's upset that he was stupid enough to put himself in that situation. Howard said they probably had a lot of cool friends and all of that. He said now he's out of work and he's got nothing coming in. Howard said now she's married to an unemployed Billy Bush. Robin said it was the part about Billy getting the reporter to hug Donald Trump that upset his wife. Howard said his wife just hired a new housekeeper and guess what his name is... Billy Bush. Howard said he thinks Scott Greenstein will give him his own channel there at Sirius. He said he thinks Billy Bush got like 9 or 10 million for being fired. Howard said he could go on and play a few songs an hour doing his own radio show. He said radio accepts anyone. He said you can fuck up in radio and still work. He said he would know. Howard said he thinks Billy Bush will figure something out.
Robin read a story about an Ohio man who has admitted to have had sex with his van. Robin said he was sentenced to 60 days in jail for that. Howard asked if he used protection. Robin said he must undergo mental health counseling. Howard asked if you can't fuck your own car. Robin said not in public. Robin said this guy did it in public. Howard said he wouldn't want to be caught doing that. He asked where he fucked it? Robin said he put his private parts in the front grill. Howard said you don't do that. He said you do the tail pipe. Howard said it would be great if the guy's name was Billy Bush. Howard said if he were Billy he'd lay low for a year or so and then he'd become a health guru like Richard Simmons. He said he can reinvent himself like that. Howard said he's great at advising disgraced people. He said he's been disgraced many times himself and he always comes back.
Wendy Krueger asked if she can get a ride home with Robin today. Robin said she doesn't know about that. Wendy wished Robin a happy Easter.
Robin read a story about the rise in cancer since 2011. Howard said it's from eating out women. Robin said they do say oral cancer is more common in men than in women. Howard said he's telling her that's what it is. Robin said the American Cancer Society says that 9500 will die from the disease this year. Robin said they say that it may be caused by HPV.
Robin read about Zacherley dying and said he had a bunch of dolls he used to shock on his show. Robin read some details about the shows he did and some of the details about that. Robin got the hiccups during that story and she had trouble talking. Howard said maybe Wendy can scare her. Wendy made a gagging sound trying to scare Robin. Howard played some audio of Zacherley at some event.
Robin said it's Halloween today and people are saying that clown costumes are not advised this year. Robin said there are some kids who don't like to be scared on Halloween. Howard said Fred dressed as a clown today. Robin said if your child is anxious about Halloween then you have to start off with a game plan going in. Robin had some audio of someone talking about what you should do.
Robin read a story about a man in Texas dressed as Freddy Krueger who shot 5 people at a party. Robin said he hurt 5 people. Robin said they're still searching for the suspects. Robin said a Batman also attacked someone somewhere. Robin said it's not good when people get into costumes. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Hillary Duff getting into some trouble for dressing up as a Pilgrim and her boyfriend was an American Indian. Howard said he saw that. He asked if people just don't get it.
Robin said the Cleveland Indians are 3 games up to the Cubs with 2 games. Robin said they'll be taking the field tomorrow night for game 6. Robin said Eddie Vedder was happy for the Cubs and sang a song during the 7th Inning Stretch. Robin had some audio of Eddie talking about doing it for one of the players.
Robin read a story about a Trump supporter being chastised for a chant he started the other night. Robin had some audio of the chant which was ''JEW-S.A.'' instead of ''USA.'' Robin said people in Trump's camp are upset with the guy. Robin said some people are saying that Hillary's campaign paid him to do that. the guy who did it explained that he hangs around Mexican's a lot and that's just the way he says ''USA.''
Robin read a story about the FBI investigation into Hillary Clinton's email case being reopened. She had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Joe Biden talking about Donald Trump and maybe taking him behind the gym as if they were in high school again. Robin had audio of him saying that and Trump responding saying he'd love that.
Robin asked if Howard thinks he should not watch Alfred Hitchcock films if he found out he was a misogynist. Howard said he made some great movies. Robin said Tippi Hedren claims that he tortured her and tried to sexually molest her when they worked together back in the 1960s.
Robin read a story about Mike Chernoff, the son of their former program Director Mark Chernoff, being the general manager of the Cleveland Indians. Howard said he always liked Mark. He wondered if Mike knows he saw his father's penis.
Robin read a story about Bob Dylan saying that he will probably show up to the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony in December. Robin said he still hasn't been in touch with the Nobel people.
Robin read a story about an accident in the parking lot of a NASCAR race and hitting 22 people. Robin said they are investigating to see if it was intentional or an accident.
Robin said Elon Musk announced new Solar panels for roofs that look like roof tiles. Robin said it would be seamless and it would be the roof. Howard said he can see Robin doing that. Robin said she would love to do that. Howard said he can't believe Robin mentioned the throat cancer story today. He said now he feels like he has something in his throat. He told her not to do those stories again.
Robin said NBC is going to do another live musical and this time it will be ''Bye, Bye Birdie.'' Robin read some details about that. Howard said bye, bye to him watching that.
Robin read a story about an airplane that had to be searched when a passenger claimed he saw someone texting about a bomb on the plane. Robin had some audio of a passenger talking about what was going on. Robin said they swept the plane and no bomb was found.
Robin said Bruno Mars and Mark Ronson are in a legal fight over the song ''Uptown Funk'' because a band claims they wrote it back in 1983. Robin had audio of both songs. Howard said he's not sure about that. Fred had part of the 1983 song that Robin didn't have. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
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Howard started the show talking about it being the day after Halloween. Robin asked if they had a lot of trick or treaters. Howard said what they do in the building is have you sign up if you want to give out candy. Howard said he wouldn't do it but Beth wants to so they sign up. Howard said they stick a giant bowl outside the door with candy. He said they say help yourself and at 5:08 he heard screaming and yelling outside the door. He said they were screaming that they hit the jackpot. Howard said he looked out the peephole and they had dumped the entire contents of the candy. He said they took almost all of the candy. Robin said he didn't date open the door. Howard said he's very famous so the kids would freak out. Howard said they left it up to the kids to be honest but that doesn't work out. Howard said they don't know they're doing the wrong thing.
Howard said that was Halloween. Howard said Richard is really into Halloween and he has to watch certain movies. Robin said he had an orange wristband on his watch yesterday. Howard said they leave their front door open and you can walk into their apartment and see their decorations. He said it's darkened out in the foyer and they have a record player going with scary music playing. He said they have dry ice packed into the foyer so the kids can experience that. Robin said it's like a haunted house. Howard said he's not sure. He said it sounds like the beginning of an episode of Law & Order. Howard said that's what's going on over there.
Howard had Richard come in. He asked if his wife burned her hand on the dry ice. Richard said she did. He said if you put it in a bowl with water it makes a fog. He said he made sure the kids didn't touch it. Howard asked if he was in costume. Richard said he wasn't. He said he has in the past. He said he didn't want to scare the kids this time. He said it's a friendly thing. Richard said they had pumpkin beer for the parents and they kept coming back. Howard asked if that's even legal. Richard said he doesn't know.
Howard asked what kind of candy they had. Richard said they made up bags with a bunch of different types. He said they ran out so they had to go out and get more. Howard said it was like a speak easy.
Howard asked about the movies Richard has to watch. Richard said he starts watching in August. He said he has 50-75 movies he watches. Howard asked if he writes them down on a calendar. Richard said he does. He said he watches the Halloween series and the Friday the 13th movies and things like that.
Gary asked Richard about movies he watches the rest of the year on holidays. He watches horror movies for St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's day and the 4th of July. Howard said it's like a very organized waste of time. Richard said he does work on his laptop when he's watching. He said he's seen them so many times. Howard said Richard is keeping the shitty movie business in business.
Richard said he watches all of the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror specials every year too. Howard asked if he likes Evil dead. Richard said he loves it. He said the show ''Ash Vs. Evil Dead'' is a great series too. Howard said they had GWAR on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Richard said he saw that. He said he walked by and it smelled like a Halloween store with the smell of the costumes they have. Howard asked if they have a new singer. Richard said they do. He said the original one passed away.
Howard said GWAR remade his song ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes'' but it's not recognizable. Howard said they took a lot of liberties with it. Howard played a clip of them performing the song that didn't sound anything like the song other than the intro. Howard said it was still a cool song though. He said they play in full costume too.
Howard played his original ''Silver Nickels'' and said they didn't even go with the lyrics. Howard said he could have helped them with it if they didn't understand them. Howard got back to GWAR and played more of the song. They did have some of the lyrics in it. Howard said maybe they did get it. Howard said he does like it. Robin said they are saying the lyrics. Howard said he takes it back. Howard said he was afraid they weren't being liberal. Howard said it's not bad.
Howard asked what kind of costumes they had. Howard said he thinks they cover their hands and all. Richard said the hands are over their actual hands but they look like dinosaur costumes. Howard said when KISS stopped wearing their costumes it kind of ruined it. Richard said Gene Simmons used to cover his face when he'd go out without his costume on.
Richard said GWAR has huge penises that shoot jizz out on the crowd. He said some people wear white shirts so they can get blood and jizz on the shirts. Howard said that's what Richard would do.
Howard said Gary said they've had so many people cover ''Silver Nickels'' that they could do a tribute album. Howard played Jewel covering the song. Howard said it's sexy when she does it. Howard said it's a different kind of sex with GWAR.
Richard asked if Howard owns the publishing for his song. Howard said he guesses he owns it. He said he wrote it. Howard said no one else is willing to take credit for that. Howard said it would be great if Jewel had a hit with it. He said it would be great if he had to write her other songs. Howard said he tired journaling years ago and he tried to write a song as a tribute to OCD. Howard said he wrote the lyrics but not a song. Gary said Steve Brandano said if he gives them the lyrics they could have about 10 bands record it within a month. Howard said he did it a couple of years ago and he'd have to go look it up. Howard said his problem is the music.
Howard said they had William Shatner record ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes.'' He played some of that cover. Howard said they almost have a tribute album. Richard asked who did the music on that one. Howard said it was Teddy. Fred also helped out on that one.
Howard said he'd play that one while making love with Robin. He told her where he'd enter her and where he'd finish and it was about 2 seconds. Howard said he has done that with a woman. He said he was in her for a second and he was done. Howard said he went in and thrust out and he was done. Howard said he figured they'd never be together again. Richard asked Robin if it's an honor that a woman can do that. Robin said no. She said they want to have a good time too. Richard said he has a tongue. Howard said Robin did that story yesterday about HPV and it had him so fucked up. He said he felt all phlegmy in his throat this morning. Howard asked Robin not to do those stories anymore. Howard said now he has to go to a doctor to get examined.
Howard said when he was single he was with a lot of single hot chicks. He said they get a lot of guys so he'll be checking off the planet in the most painful of ways. Robin said he's been fine so far. She said he doesn't have anything. Howard said Michael Douglas didn't get it until he was much older. Howard said Douglas smoked though. Howard said he thinks back about it and how he did the pussy eating because he had to please the woman after finishing so fast. Howard said he was never good at it. He said he doesn't really know what he's doing down there. He said he never studied the pussy or anything. Richard asked if he knows where the clitoris is. Howard said he knows that. Howard said he knows it's on the top.
Howard said he would just rub his tongue around and some girls will moan. He said he's not sure if they're into it or if he was doing it the right way.
Howard asked if you can get HPV from blowing a dude. Robin said sure. Howard said maybe Robin has it. Richard said Robin doesn't do that though. Howard said she has. He said she does what she can. Howard said he just looked it up and you can get it. Howard said he's so sorry he ate pussy now. Robin said he is not. Robin said you can't go back. Howard said there was nothing in it for him. He said he's going to die from eating pussy. He said he knows it. Richard said he thinks he'll be fine. Howard said he would rather smoke cigarettes and get it. Robin said he did both.
Howard asked if they want to hear from Spoken Word Robin. Howard said she has something to say about Lenny Dykstra. Howard said he has some Lenny clips too. Howard played one of Lenny talking about voting and how he'd vote for Trump even though neither of the candidates are that great. He said he thinks Trump is better because he likes pussy. Howard had a clip of Lenny talking about how he'd fuck Howard Stern in the ass before he'd fuck Hillary in the pussy. He said that's how bad it is.
Howard said he'd fuck him in the ass and make him enjoy it. Howard asked how that would happen. Howard said he's not going to enjoy it. Howard asked how he's going to make him enjoy that. Richard said he's going to eat his pussy all the time.
Howard picked up on Spoken Word Robin who was rapping about Lenny Dykstra. Howard asked if that was it. They played more of Robin talking about fucking Lenny Dykstra. Howard said she's doing spoken word and not poetry. Howard said he has to say that. They played Robin laughing hysterically after she talked about Lenny. Howard let her go after that. Richard said it's fun to watch Robin while that's playing.
Howard said that that's pretty interesting what Richard does. Howard said they keep the door open all night. Richard said it's just one night a year. He said his uncle had an awesome haunted house and he wanted to do that too. Howard said goodbye to him in the middle of that. He said it's enough of that.
Sal came in and said he's fine. Howard asked what the fuck he wants. Sal said he doesn't know. He said he wants to get him sick and piss him off. Howard asked Sal if he would save Richard or Larry Caputo if he had to save one on a sinking boat. Sal said he'd save Larry based on what Richard just said. Richard said he didn't say anything. Richard said Sal hangs out more with Larry on the weekends. Sal said he sees Richard at work every day. He said he tries to hang out with him. Howard asked if he would save Richard or Larry. Sal said he would save Richard because if Larry dies he could use his wife to communicate with Larry. Howard asked what he talks to Larry about. Sal said he talks about the show. He said Larry loves the show.
Howard asked if Sal is still watching the sleeper cell in his neighborhood. Sal said he'd rather not talk about that. Gary said his wife has told him not to talk about that on the air anymore. Sal said his wife flips out on him when he talks about that on the air.
Richard said Ronnie loves Larry. Howard said he heard that Sal and Richard got a couple's massage at his bachelor party. Richard said they did. He said he wanted to keep it simple. He said they went to Atlantic City together and got the massage and a steak dinner. Sal said the spa they were hanging out at was a gay spa. He said they had a bunch of gay guys there dangling their cocks in front of them. Richard said one guy came over and he was hanging out in front of them with his balls hanging there in front of their faces. Sal said one of his balls hung much lower than the other. He said he'll never forget that. He said the guy was asking what they were doing there and they said they were there for a couple's massage. He said the guy must have thought they were a couple because he left them alone.
Howard said that's such a gay thing to do. Howard asked if they had guys massaging them too. Richard said he thinks so. Howard said he never got a massage from a man in his life. He said he wouldn't want one. Richard said he had a massage once and the guy ran his hand up his thigh. He said he was almost massaging his butt hole. Howard asked how this took 5 years to get on the air. Sal said there are some things he'd rather not talk about.
Sal said he thought they were going to get raped in the jacuzzi. He said the guy had a look on his face when he got in with them. Howard asked if they were nude in their room together. Richard said they were in boxers. He said they had some champagne and watched some TV. He said they may have had strawberries. Sal said Richard planned all of this. Howard said he would have gotten right the fuck out of there.
Howard took a call from a guy saying he was the guy who met them in the jacuzzi. The guy said he has never seen two guys go at it harder. He said they were blow jobbing each other and all of that. Howard said he's not buying that. He hung up on the fake caller.
Howard asked if Sal and Richard did any cuddling or spooning. They said they didn't do any of that. Sal said the closest thing was when Richard passed out once and he jerked off into a shirt in the bed with him. Richard said he didn't even know that. Sal said he left that jizz shirt in his room and the next day Craig Gass told him he found the shirt and put it in his luggage. He had been staying in the room next door.
Sal said Richard would make out with him if he asked him to do that. Sal said he would say no himself but Richard would say yes. Richard said he's not into doing that. Howard said if Sal started rubbing his ass what would he do. Richard said he would stop him. Howard asked why he let the massage guy rub his thigh. Richard said he was good at it. He said that was his job.
Howard asked if they have showered together. Richard said they did on Bubba's show. He said he pissed on Sal's leg in that.
Howard said that bachelor party is really shitty. Howard did his Richard impression and talked about what Richard asked Sal to do. Howard said that's just weird. He said he wouldn't go to something like that. Sal said he was looking forward to hot chicks and he realized he was Richard's hot chick. Howard said it's so strange. He asked if anyone woke up with morning wood. Richard said probably.
Howard asked if they had breakfast together. Richard said they had brunch. He said back when this happened they almost got kicked off the train for drinking on the train. Sal said Richard had a picnic basket full of stuff he brought on the train. Howard said this is what a couple would do. Richard said he and his wife had an awesome honeymoon.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was Sal's son. He was freaking out over what Sal did with uncle Richard. Howard said Sal is into sharing beds with dudes. Sal said he's not into sharing beds with guys. He said he did once but they had to. He said he's only done that twice. Howard said Larry wears really small underwear. Sal said they are very tight. Robin asked in what world he has to share a room. Sal said when times are tough you have to do that.
Howard asked if Sal would give Larry or Richard a hand job. Sal said neither one. Then he picked Richard because it would be funnier. Howard asked Richard if he had to blow Sal or fuck him in the ass what would he do. Richard said probably in the ass. He said he had a prostate check so he knows it's not too bad. He said he'd just pretend he'd get a prostate check. Sal said he'd pretend his ass was a pussy.
Howard asked what they did when they got out of the tub. He asked if they showered. Richard said he hopes he did. He said that tub was kind of a soup. Sal said he remembers Richard asking him to get naked in the hot tub. He said he did it but he's not sure why.
Howard asked if they have ever jerked each other off. They haven't but Sal said he did get his cock painted by Richard and he got chubbed up a little bit. Robin said they'll eventually end up doing something.
Howard said that they still pee together. Sal said they will go together at times. Richard said it's funny to watch Sal wipe his penis with toilet paper. He said they have shit in the same bathroom at the same time too. Howard said he thinks they're gay. Robin agreed. Robin said they're in love with each other. Sal said they're not gay they're just comfortable together.
Howard asked about their massage and what the masseuse wears. Richard said they're dressed. Howard said they don't bother telling them that they're not gay. Sal said they don't have any reason to do that. Howard asked how far up Richard's ass the guy went that time he had him rubbing near there. Richard said his hand ran up his crack near his bunghole. He said he clenched up and he thinks the guy knew he wasn't into it.
Howard asked why Richard didn't get a woman to massage them. Richard said he never thinks about that. He said he takes what he gets. Sal said Richard planned all of this so he just went with it. Howard said he never got that comfortable with a friend. He said he'd never do that with Dr. Lou.
Gary said they went to Jason's dad's memorial service and Sal and Richard peed together there. Howard said that's weird. Richard said he can see why people would think it's weird. He said they like each other. Howard said he thinks they're gay. Richard said they're not but he can think what he wants.
Sal said Richard licked his balls once. Richard said Sal licked his taint. Sal said they don't have to bring that up. Richard said it was on the air. Sal said he knows but they don't have to bring it up.
Howard said he can't believe the bachelor party. He said he's completely freaked that it was Richard's fantasy. He said he dreamt that up. He said they got in a tub naked together. Howard said they did a couple's massage. Howard said this is the last thing he wanted to do before getting married. Sal said the last thing he wanted was pussy. Robin said you're supposed to be saying goodbye to pussy.
Howard asked Sal if he ever thought about how gay this was. Sal said he did but he loves Richard and he wanted to do what he wanted to do. He said Richard didn't want women. He wanted to be with his best friend. Howard said maybe Richard doesn't know what gay is. Richard said he knows. He said they've done enough things on the show to know.
Sal said sometimes he'll hear Richard laughing hysterically and he'll look over and see Richard watching gay porn where some guy is pissing in another guy's mouth. Richard said one time he was doing a bit with Wood Yi and he had to watch the gay porn with him. He said Steve (Wood Yi) just put his head down as he was watching it. He said it was so funny.
Richard said he was on tour once with his band and they went to a strip club that had men and women. He said he didn't know it at the time. He said they stayed when they found out because they had already ordered their drinks.
Howard asked if Richard thinks about just fucking Sal once before he dies. Richard said he doesn't think about it. Sal said Richard calls him honey and sweetie all the time. Richard said he thinks his phone learns it from him texting Sal and the heart Emoji comes up all the time.
Howard said Richard used to get really drunk and he'd call Will and talk about how he wanted to fuck him. Howard asked how he explains that. Richard said he can't. Howard said he thinks that's because he's gay. Howard said he doesn't think Richard is being honest with himself. Robin said she thinks it'll be 10 more years until Richard says he's gay.
Howard asked if Richard has had a sexual dream about Sal. Richard said it wasn't sexual but he's had dreams about Sal. He said his dreams are about zombies and monsters so they were fighting them in the dream. Robin said she thinks any psychologist would say that means he wants to have sex with Sal. Howard said they say that you are your truest self when you are drunk. Howard said Richard calls guys and talks about fucking them.
Howard said he thinks Sal is putting the brakes on the fucking thing. Robin said she thinks Richard is gay and he'll eventually figure it out.
Howard played a clip of Richard calling Will and leaving a message for him where he was pissing in the street and talking about how Will turns him on. He said Will just wishes he could have a lick of that red hair. Richard said he knows Will loves it.
Howard said come on. Richard said that was a long time ago. Sal said when he gets drunk he doesn't call guys. Howard said he's been drunk and that just doesn't happen. Howard asked how he says that's not gay. Richard said he has a good point. He said he can't defend that. Howard said maybe he's a repressed gay man. Richard said he knows he doesn't desire to have sex with a man. Howard told Sal to grab his cock. Robin said it might take some tactile interaction. Howard said Richard was 30 when he made that call. Richard said he went through an experimental phase in his 30s.
Howard asked if Richard ever thought he was gay like when he was single for 10 years living in a storage locker. Richard said he never did. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he doesn't think he's gay. He said it might just be a fantasy. Robin said she has said it about other people and it's always come true. She thinks Richard is gay.
Howard said Richard has said he would be gay for money. Richard said all guys would do that for money. Howard said not everyone. Howard told Richard to kiss Fred now and see how gay he is. Richard said he would do that in a second. He said that would be funny. Sal said it won't be when he's laid out.
Robin said Richard being gay is fine. She said he's from Kansas and it was frowned upon. Richard said not really. Robin said he wouldn't identify as gay even with all of this. Howard said Richard has tongue kissed a guy. Gary said they did that off the air at a show and his wife was freaked out by that. Richard said that was before he even met his wife. Jason said it was in 2007 so he was with his wife. Richard said it was in 2005 or so. Jason said he's looking at it right now and it was 2007. Richard said it happened when they were at K-Rock. He said Jason may have put it on the web site in 2007 though.
Howard said he can't believe he didn't know about the bachelor party. Jason was still going with the 2007 date. He said it took place while they were watching Transformers which came out in 2007. Sal told him to drop it already. He asked if he has a sandwich to eat. Sal said he really doesn't think Richard is gay.
Howard said Richard lived with Will and he came next to Will and his girlfriend at the time. Will said Richard was with a girl and he was laying next to them and he asked if she wanted him to cum on her face or on her chest. Howard said that's some choice. Howard asked which he would prefer. He asked if he really asks that. Richard said he did at the time.
Howard said he's still reeling over there from the bachelor party story. Howard said there must have been other moments that they did stuff. Sal said not really. Robin said if Richard is willing to do this at an advanced age she'd like to know what he did as a teenager. Howard said he's told some stories. Howard said he bets that he's done some gay stuff. Richard said he used to bite fart bubbles with his friend in a tub. Howard said he approves of the gay lifestyle so he has no problem with this. Howard said being in a tub and biting bubbles is gay. He said it's very simple. Howard asked why he was in a tub with another boy. Richard said he may have been in junior high. Howard said he has never had any of this shit go down. Richard said he used to stay with his friend.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back and one of the guys was doing Richard's dad and talking about the tub thing. He didn't stay on the line for long.
Howard asked Richard who brings up taking a bath together. Richard said his friend probably did. He said it happened so many times he doesn't know. Howard asked where his feet and legs are. Sal said around his head. Howard said it had to be a small tub. Richard said he probably had his foot up his ass. Howard said they had to be very close in the tub. Richard said they didn't do anything. He said there were many times he could have done something but he didn't. Sal said he didn't do anything but bite his fart bubbles.
Howard asked if they had toys in the tub so it didn't seem so gay. Richard said no. Richard said they used to talk about girls in the tub. Sal did his Richard impression and said ''Your asshole feels like a pussy.'' Howard asked if they scrubbed each other's backs. Richard said they did get clean. He said they'd stay in the tub for 20-30 minutes. Howard asked if Richard told his parents they were doing this. Richard said they were there so they knew. Howard said Richard came down and his parents were hanging from the rafters from embarrassment. Howard said they take it hard in Kansas.
Howard asked if they would towel each other down. Richard said they didn't do that. He said they had their own towels. Howard said if he was 16 and in a tub with his friends that would be a major story. Howard said his dad didn't care what he did but his mother would have been way up his ass over that.
Fred said he doesn't know how they'd even get in the tub together. He said he used to have to take a bath with his brother and that was tough. He said he couldn't wait to stop doing that. Howard said he thinks Richard is gay or at least bisexual. Richard said he's really not.
Fred asked whose idea it was to do the bath thing. Richard said he thinks it was the parents idea. He said they had well water so they had to save water. Richard said they never bathed at his house. He said this was over at the other guy's house. Richard said he'll have to ask his friend about it to get more details.
Howard asked how big the tub could have been. Fred said he doesn't even know how he could have done it. Howard asked if Richard has wrestled in the nude. Richard said he doesn't think he has. Richard said he and Sal have wrestled naked on the show. He said he doesn't remember doing it when he was a kid.
Howard took a call from Mrs. Christy who said Richard is not gay, he just likes to have fun. She goofed on Richard messing around with his friend. Richard said that sounds a lot like Shuli. Howard said he likes his Mr. Christy better. Shuli went into that impression for a second too.
Howard said everything with Richard is just a big goof. Richard said we're only here for a short time. He said they have to have fun. Robin asked why he hasn't tried gay sex. Richard said he has no interest in it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they should have Richard take a lie detector test with Ed Torian. Howard said that's a good idea. Howard said he thinks they can hook that up. Howard said he thinks they can put Sal in there too. Sal said he's going to pass on it. He said it's not an accurate thing. He said it if comes out he's gay even if it's wrong he's going to regret it. Howard said if the lie detector says it then they might as well do it.
Howard asked Richard if he had to have sex with someone on the staff who would it be. Richard said it would be Will. Howard said it was anyone on the staff so he should have said Robin. Richard said if he was forced to he'd pick Will. He said if you have to do it then you might as well have the good looking guy. Howard said Memet is kind of feminine looking. Richard wasn't saying he was into him. Howard said they haven't taken a break yet so he has to get to that. Howard said they've spent an hour and a half on gay stuff. Sal said George Takei just went straight.
Howard said he got a note saying Richard used to jerk off to Will and his girlfriend having sex. Richard said he did that at least one time. He said he was living with Will and his girlfriend and he would hear them having sex.
Howard said he never thought about taking a bath with his friends. Howard said one of his friends asked him if he wanted to jerk off in the same room and he said he can't sleep over anymore. Robin asked if anyone else there has done anything like this with their friends. No one was saying. Robin said there is no reason for Richard to bathe with a friend. Howard said go back to high school and think of your friends. Howard said if he had even proposed such a thing as bathing with a friend it would have been a major thing. Richard said they were just conserving water.
Howard said he has to take a break. He asked if the other kids knew Richard bathed with his friend. Richard said probably not. Robin said he knew it wasn't what everyone did. Howard said if he's gay he should just come to grips with it. Richard said he knows he's not gay.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's gay himself. He said Richard and Sal are like guys he grew up with who he had sex with but ended up getting married to women and having kids. He said they were into it at the time. He said he thinks Richard and Sal have a loving relationship but either one could be seduced by a gay guy in a second.
Howard said bathing with another boy is something you just say you're not going to do. Robin said Richard said it happened a lot too. Howard said he thinks Richard would have touched the guy's cock. Richard said the guy did ask him to put on a condom and jerk off in front of him but he turned that down. Howard asked why he wanted him to do that. Richard said he just wanted to see what it looked like. He didn't do it though.
Howard said one of the questions he wants to ask with the lie detector is if he got hard in the tub with the friend. Richard said he didn't. Howard said he bets he did and he giggled about it. Howard said he can imagine Richard doing that. Sal said he can't wait for Ed to ask those questions. Howard said Sal has to do it too. Sal said Howard should do it too. Howard said he'll do it no problem. Sal asked if Fred would do it. Fred said no. Howard said Fred isn't sleeping with Larry Caputo in his underwear. Howard said he slept in the same room with Fred and he was very uncomfortable. Fred said they were in separate beds. He said it was uncomfortable. Howard said he's not comfortable now with Fred. He said no one was talking. He said he's not sure why they were in the room. Fred said they were recording an album together in New York. Howard said those were the bad old days. He said it wasn't even a nice hotel. He said it was a shithole of a room.
Richard asked what album they were doing. Howard said it was an awful album called ''50 Ways to Rank Your Mother.'' He said it wasn't good. He said the whole thing was misguided. Sal asked if Unclean Beaver was after that. Howard said that was the same album but it was bought by a company and renamed. Richard asked if Gary has it on vinyl. Howard said he's sure they have it. Sal goofed on Gary about that and Gary came back at him about how there are no pictures of him out there kissing the head of anyone's penis. They spent a little more time on that before Howard went to break.
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Howard said they got a lot of nice email about he show yesterday. Howard said the scariest room by far was the Gary's Vinyl Room. Howard said he can't agree more. Howard said please stop sending the genital horror stories in the email. Howard said there are too many there to read to you. He said there are so many. He said he's not sure he should read them.
Howard said they had a lot of email about Zacherley. Howard read one email from a guy who mentioned some of the weird things Zacherley did on his shows.
Howard said some people were angry with Robin over her attitude toward Huma Abedin. Howard read some of the comments he got from fans about that.
Howard had an email from a guy saying he was canceling his subscription because he's voting for Hillary. Howard said the guy says it's ruined the show for him and he has to leave them. Howard said goodbye to that guy. Howard said most hosts keep their political views quiet.
Howard said they got a lot of email about Memet. He asked if Shuli did his homework on the girl that Memet went out with who won't return his texts. Howard read an email from a woman who said that women are on Tinder looking for dick and not for a relationship.
Gary came in and said they got a lot of feedback about why they think women don't like Memet. Howard read some of the comments they got about Memet and why they think women don't like him.
Howard asked Shuli what he found out. Shuli said he contacted the woman. He said she refused to contact but she did contact Memet. He said she claims there was nothing wrong but she still won't tell the what was wrong. Shuli said Howard hit it on the head. He said no one on Tinder is looking or long term stuff.
Howard said someone wrote in about what a boring old bible thumping cunt Underdog Lady is. Howard said he's not sure how you go that far with her.
Howard said Shuli wasn't able to complete his job with that woman. Shuli said he did his best to get in touch with her. Howard said it wasn't that exciting. Howard let Shuli go and did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Bobo asked why they can't freeze the election until the FBI does its investigation about the emails. Howard said he's not sure what he's saying. Robin explained it to him. Howard said he hasn't seen anyone have their personal emails gone through with a fine tooth comb and come out clean. Howard said he's never seen an electorate that goes back and forth like this. Howard said there's an ABC poll about how Trump is ahead by one point. Howard asked what happened to the 11 point lead. Howard said now they're investigating the Anthony Weiner email and nothing has been found. Howard asked why the vote is affected by this. He said they're carrying on about the email. Howard said he wouldn't want anyone going through his email. He said they've gotten away from the issues and he's not swayed by this at all.
Howard said he asked someone the other day who they're voting for and she said Trump because of the emails. Howard said it's all about the emails. He doesn't understand that. Howard said he's learned one thing that Hillary uses email. Howard said Trump won't release his tax returns. Howard said he wouldn't either but when you run for President you normally do. Robin said Hillary is talking about how they have released their tax returns. Howard said he's so done with this election. Robin said they say there have been 600 days of campaigning so far. Howard said there are a huge number of people who ping pong back and forth on who they're going to vote for. Howard said he doesn't care who you vote for but how do you go back and forth. He said you have to be a mental midget. He said you either know or you don't.
Bobo said that Bill O'Reilly got Comey to open up this investigation again. Howard said that's not true. Howard said this is practically unheard of to do this during an election. Robin said Comey was in a weird position and he had to do this or he could be accused of rigging the election. Howard said he can't wait for this to be over. Gary said the election is a week from today. Howard said he wants Comey to look into Richard's bathing with another man.
Robin said they say that sometimes young boys get into sexual hijinks with other boys but not at 16. Howard said you're almost a man at that point.
Howard said Bobo was talking to Shuli the other day and he thought he hung up but he was still on the line and training a student. Howard said they blocked the student's voice but he does the training thing. Howard played the audio of Bobo instructing the student and telling the student they were doing a good job today.
Howard said some people think Bobo knew he had the phone on. Bobo said he didn't. Bobo said he's gotten into trouble over doing that with other people before. Howard let him go and played him off with a song parody from Eli Braden. Howard said Eli is really whipping Bobo into a pulp with that. Howard said that was vicious and it doesn't stop.
Howard said they have a phony phone call the guys made to a guy named Howard using cut up clips of Bobo. Howard played that and they had Bobo asking the other Howard questions that he's asked Howard. Howard said that guy really put up with Bobo for a long time.
King was having issues with his phone and Howard said he has to go. Howard said he has a show to do. He said he has to move along. King said wherever he has to go he's already there. Howard said he has to go. He hung up on King.
Howard took a call from a guy named Chad who asked what he thinks about celebrities who say they're going to move to Canada if Trump wins. Howard said they're idiots. Howard said they're not going anywhere. Robin said she said it during the second election of Bush. Robin said someone called her out and said ''Let 'em go!'' Howard said if Trump becomes president then you get behind him and hope for the best. Howard said he didn't vote for George W. Bush but he wanted the country to do well. He said you always support whoever it is. Howard said there won't be a revolution of Hillary wins. Howard said you just deal with who you get. Chad said that Bryan Cranston was saying he's going to move to Canada. Howard said he's not going anywhere. Howard said Robin didn't go anywhere. Howard said there's nowhere to go.
Chad asked if Benjy is in the studio. Howard said no because he's being punished. He said he loves Benjy but he has a problem because he doesn't know how to be on time. Howard said what happens is that he notices when he shows up late. Howard said he's not proud of the way he reacted last week. He said he did get emotional. He said it's a live show and you have to be there when it starts.
Chad asked how many times Robin and Fred have been late. Fred said he remembers one. Robin said she may have been late 2 or 3 times. Robin said she was partying at night and she had to ground herself. Robin said she stopped herself from going to the Christmas party. Robin said she hasn't been late since then. Howard said she's learning from her mistakes. Chad said that's respect. Howard said Robin banned herself. He said that's the way to do it.
Howard said he likes Benjy working out there with the other guys. Chad asked if he's showing up for the meetings in the morning. Howard said it's just the guys who are in there who are there for that. He said Benjy's not part of that. Howard let Chad go, did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said there you go. He said that's the second one for the day. Howard said he had his eggplant Parmesan yesterday. He said he had to do a bunch of work for the show. He said he was listening to a bunch of tapes of Mel Gibson talking about how everyone has to get over it already. He said that guy is out of his mind. Howard said the guy was interviewed by Variety magazine and he's annoyed with everyone. He said Mel has apologized for his remarks and all of the stuff he's done. Howard said he thinks that he should be forgiven. Howard said Robin has to hear this. Howard played a clip of Mel talking about how he's forgotten all of this and he's forgiven. He said he got loaded and said some things that he apologized for. He said it's not his job to forgive. He said he's sober now. He said it's a dim thing in the past for him. He said he's forgotten about it and other people should too. He said he's not a hater and he's never discriminated against anyone. Mel said for one episode in the back of a police car is dictating his life. He said that's unfair.
Howard said he loves the Jews now. Howard said he thinks he was crucified like Jesus. Howard said his logic is that he can do whatever he wants on 10 shots of Tequila and then apologize and it's all forgiven. Howard said they heard the rant with the cops and all of that. Howard said it's out there. Robin said it doesn't sound like he's doing anything but stopping drinking. Robin said there is no information. Robin said he doesn't get that he's responsible for what he did.
Howard said Mel is doing a Town Hall in the fish bowl there today at 11. Howard said he wishes he'd come in there and answer his questions. Howard said he has a movie out and it's getting Oscar buzz. Howard said it's supposed to be a really good movie. Howard said he does make really good movies and no one denies that. Howard said that doesn't excuse everything. Howard said you just say that you said some bad stuff and you were loaded and you're an alcoholic. He said you say you've done some work on yourself. He said you don't make Jesus references saying you were crucified. Howard said just because you apologized doesn't mean that it was accepted. Howard said he's had that with people. He said people think an apology makes it all better. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.
Howard said one guy told him a year ago that he has a hard time with him and he's not sure what the fuck is wrong with him. He said he gets it. Robin said she had the same thing happen to her. Robin said she was apologizing to people and one person said they didn't want anything to do with her. Howard said that was Fred. Robin laughed.
Howard played more of the Mel Gibson interview and he was talking about what people say about his movies and how they call them pieces of shit but he knows better. He said he knows it's not a piece of shit.
Howard said the movie is supposed to be good. He said he's not sure what it's about though. Robin said she doesn't either. Howard said most people don't go around thinking about Mel Gibson. Howard said he can't say that Michael Jackson is innocent just because he made good albums. He said Jerry Sandusky was a great coach but that doesn't make him innocent.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked who even needs an apology from Mel Gibson. She said that just let him do what he wants to do. Howard said Mel is the one complaining. Howard said he's Mel Gibson and he had the cleanest reputation in the business. He was the one who screwed it up. Howard said that's what Mel Gibson is up to.
Howard said the guy claims he works 24 hours a day and doesn't sleep or eat. He said that's what yoga does. Howard played more audio of the guy talking about how he cures Parkinson's, AIDS and more. He said he knows more than doctors do. He said every doctor in the world comes to him. Howard said this guy thinks he's curing people and not sleeping. Robin said his history is that he was diagnosed with something and he would never walk but he came up with his form of Yoga and he thinks that cured him so he taught it to other people. Robin said they kept calling him a guru. Howard said he's just teaching Yoga.
Howard did his Indian voice and talked about the Bikram Yoga. Howard said he gets really full of himself in this next clip. Howard played that clip and the guy was cursing a student out and telling them no more bathroom for them and to just pee their pants.
Howard said some girl says that Bikram had him jerk him off. Robin said there were a few women who claim that he had her do that. Howard played a clip where a reporter was talking to this woman who said Bikram asked her to manually jerk him off. She said she felt like she owed him for her life so she did it but she hated doing it.
Robin said she's thinking pretty soon she won't be able to do anything. Robin said she won't be able to do Bikram because of this and Alfred Hitchcock was harassing women so she can't enjoy his movies. Robin said this guy looked a little pregnant himself. Howard said he does look a little doughy for a guy who does this.
Howard played a clip of Bikram talking about how 4 women have killed themselves because he didn't sleep with him. He said he has very famous women who are willing to sleep with him. He said he could make a million dollars a day selling his sperm. He said he picks women up from trash and gives them life. He was asked if he sexually harassed a woman. He said absolutely not and he'd piss on her face.
Howard asked if Robin has been to his class with him teaching. Robin said she has been to his studio but he wasn't there. Howard did his impression of the guy and said he loves him because he's insane. He did his impression of the guy and talked about some of the crazy stuff the guy was saying in the clips. He was making up even more crazy stuff that the guy could say.
Howard said he loves that Robin went and did that. Robin said you have to work your way into it. She said you can't do it the first day. Howard did his Bikram impression and yelled at Robin.
Robin said they say it costs $12,000 to go to him and have him yell at you. Robin said she's not sure how long that's for.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone was cutting out. Howard said it reminds him of the haunted house room they had yesterday. The caller said he's taking his headset off now. Howard said listen to this guy. He said imagine getting a call from this guy. Howard told him to shove that headset up his ass as the Bikram guy. Howard asked if the guy was still there. He was gone.
Howard got back into his Bikram voice and yelled at Robin to do some things. He kept that going for a few more minutes. He came up with more crazy shit that the guy can do with his powers. He asked Robin why she stopped doing it. Robin said she got sick. Howard said his jizz could cure her.
Robin said Bikram had a song and that got Howard singing ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes'' as Bikram. Howard told Robin he has a secret word that will give her internal peace. He said she just has to show him her tits. Howard said his name is Howard Bikram. Howard kept going with the impression telling crazy stories like Bikram did in those interview clips.
Robin said he also stormed out of that interview. Robin said he's not bullet proof. Howard was still doing the impression and telling her to breathe in and breathe out. He told her to breath out on his balls. Robin laughed. Howard had her breathe in and out again and then told her to take her tits out. Howard Bikram asked what Robin wore to the class and asked if she wore a bra. Robin said she did. Howard Bikram said that inhibits you and you can't wear a bra. He said he can break a hymen by winking at it. He said he has so many people to cure and help. He said in his country of India the Bikram Yoga isn't popular. He said only Americans like it. He said he had a hemorrhoid so big he was able to feed his village for two weeks.
Howard said he doesn't know that guy. He didn't know anything about him. He said JD sent him clips from that special. Robin said she had to watch it. Robin said she didn't know about the lawsuits until she saw that. Howard said if he was smart he'd just be a normal guy. Howard asked JD why he didn't pull the singing clip. Gary said he does have it. He told him where it was so Howard played it and sang his own song as Bikram. After that Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Robin started her news with a story about the baseball player,Jose Fernandez, who was killed in a boating accident a couple of months ago. Robin said boating and drinking don't mix. Robin said they found that the accident had a lot to do with drinking and drug use. Robin said they found cocaine and alcohol in his system after the crash. Howard said he's never going on a boat. He said he can't stand it. He said you get trapped out there on the water. Robin said it's all about being on the boat and not getting somewhere. Howard said when he's on a boat he just wants to get off the boat. Robin said Jose was killed and his friends had cocaine in their systems too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they got to see The Walking Dead. Howard said he did. He said he loved it. Howard said he thought it was a good idea to get away from the intense episode. Howard said then he watched the final episode of The Strain which was awesome. The caller said he didn't like Ezekiel on The Walking Dead. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that guy and how Howard was going to try to set her up with that guy.
The caller asked if Howard thinks The Sopranos is the best TV show ever. Howard said it is. He said the whole cast is great. Howard said he didn't remember one thing about it and he's rewatching the show now. Howard said it's all so good. He said it was such a good show. He said it could be the best. He said The Walking Dead is great and The Strain is great too. The caller said he thinks they're going to kill The Walking Dead with the characters they have. Robin said they all come from the comic books and they can keep it going. The caller said they're talking about doing another 5 years. Robin said she'll take it.
The caller said Howard has to see Better Call Saul. Howard said he watched a season and it wasn't doing it for him. Robin said the second season was even better than the first.
Robin read a story about Mariah Carey and her billionaire boyfriend breaking up. Robin said Mariah was living with the guy and one day she was ordered to leave. Howard said he read that some buddy told the guy that Mariah was spending too much so he had her kicked out. Robin said that billionaires must do things differently. Robin said imagine being on a yacht and being told to get out because it's over. Robin said Mariah thought they were going to get married and had no idea anything was wrong with the relationship. Robin said she wants $50 million for emotional distress. Howard said you just don't get that kind of money for a guy not loving you. Robin said it's going to cost her some money to get back to where she needs to live. Robin said the guy says the reason for the breakup is the kind of money he was spending on her.
Robin read a story about the singer from the band Jackyl is speaking out about other rock stars and who they're supporting in the election. He was challenging Bruce Springsteen to a fight. Howard asked if he was the dude who posed nude for Playgirl. Robin said she doesn't know anything about that. Gary said he did. Robin said she'll have to go look him up.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby's pre-trial hearings. Robin said his lawyers are arguing that the women accusing Cosby of these things have hazy memories because they've aged so much. Howard said he would never forget it if he woke up and Cosby was on top of him eating him out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's a breath of fresh air to hear Howard just riffing all day with no guests. Howard said that's the idea of the show. The caller asked how Robin is feeling. Robin said she's feeling fine. Robin said she did have something going on with an infection but she's fine. Howard asked if she used Bikram. Robin said she used antibiotics. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if Howard thinks Billy Bush will be the host of the Christopher Reeve awards this month. Howard said he thinks Billy could teach Bikram Yoga. Howard said that's what he should do. He said he should make a huge change and just do it. That led to Howard doing his Howard Bikram impression for a short time. Howard had him talking about grabbing pussy.
Robin read a story about a study that found anti-aging ingredients in broccoli and some other vegetables. Robin said they found they showed anti-aging properties in mice. Robin had some details about the study. Robin said they hope it will keep people healthier as they age. Robin said they say that we may not experience the longevity of our parents without the help of drugs.
Robin said people were upset with her about her comments about Huma Abedin. Robin said she was watching Bill Maher's show and he made the point about her that she was talking about. Robin had Howard play a clip of Maher talking about Huma and Anthony Weiner and how Weiner has fucked the planet with this email thing. Robin said that's what she was talking about. Robin said if you involve everyone in what you do you have to look at your decisions differently. Howard said Robin is a little tough on her. Howard said Robin is really a very sweet woman but she's tough on this show.
Robin read a story about it being Movember which is where men grow their moustaches to grow awareness for men's health. Howard said he had a moustache in the 80s and it was ridiculous. Howard said women must not like that. Robin said it works on some men. Robin said she was thinking of Tom Selleck. Robin said back in the day he had a good one. Howard said he always thought it was creepy. He asked why you'd want hair in the middle of your face. He said his looked pretty bad when he had one. Robin said this month is known as Movember for the men's health awareness thing. Howard said Hitler's moustache was the worst. Robin said that should have shown everyone that he was crazy with that alone. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about Hitler before Howard did a live commercial read.
Howard took a call from Hitler and asked some questions. The guys in the back were playing Hitler speech clips while Howard asked the questions. Robin asked if he liked Heidi Klum's costume this year. Howard asked what it was. Robin said she doesn't even know. Howard said he likes that Emily Ratajkowski chick because she dressed as Cleopatra. He said basically she just dressed like she does every day.
Robin read a story about the number of deaths in Chicago over the weekend. Robin said it was the deadliest in history. Robin said 18 people were killed from Friday midnight to Sunday midnight.
Howard said people ask him who in history he'd like to interview. He said he thinks it might be Hitler. He said he'd like to know what the fuck he was thinking.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton being investigated but now one of Donald Trump's former top aide is being investigated. Robin said everyone is being investigated.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard's masturbation seems to be a lot lately and he wonders if he's afraid of prostate cancer. Howard said he just likes it. Howard said they do say that masturbation can ward off cancer. Howard said he does think about that. The caller said it seems often for him. Howard said he does it maybe once or twice a week. Howard said there's also sex with Beth. Robin said a doctor used to go on the Merv Griffin show saying you have to ''drain the pipes.'' Howard said he's thinking of going on a show saying ''use it or lose it.''
Robin said Hillary is confident that the FBI won't find anything in her emails and she just wants to move on. Robin said there are Texas nationalists saying that if Hillary is elected that Texas will secede from the country. Howard said let them leave. Howard said they'll be back in 10 minutes. Howard said if there's a disaster they'll be asking for federal money. Howard said they'll last 5 fucking minutes if they leave. Howard said Texas doesn't contribute more money than they take. Howard said everyone needs government. Howard said they're not going anywhere. Fred played a clip of that Bikram guy saying ''If you don't like it, get the fuck out of here.''
Robin had some audio of John Kerry talking about how difficult this election has been for this country around the world. Robin said he's not picking sides even though he's a democrat.
Robin said that President Obama was on Samantha Bee's show saying goodbye to everyone. Howard said he's going on every show but theirs. Howard said he should come in there. Robin said Samantha Bee had Obama tell a spooky story and he told her that Donald Trump could be president. Robin had a list of Obama's favorite rappers. She had Howard play some clips of some of the songs Obama might be listening to.
Howard said one of his favorite bands, Cypress Hill, was up there and they did a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song for them. Howard played the song and said this is real. Howard asked Gary how that came about. Gary said they knew they were going to be up there and the writers came up with the idea and they were cool about doing it. Gary said they just asked them to record it and they did it.
Robin read a story about a study showing that more children are dying of opioid overdoses. Robin said they say that the number of overdoses doubled from 1997 to 2012. Robin said the biggest increase was in children from 1-4 years old.
Howard said it would be cool if Obama grew a huge afro and just said ''fuck this'' and said he loves rap music and big afros. Robin said he was raised by white people though. Howard said then he goes on tour with Snoop Dogg and smokes weed.
Robin read a story about Air BnB coming up with new anti-discrimination rules for their service today. Gary said he has friends who were in a room in someone's house while everyone was still home. He said they thought they had an apartment but it was just a room in the apartment. Howard asked if they can leave. Gary said they can complain and leave. Howard said he's heard about homes being trashed. Robin said she's heard about homes already being trashed when the people get there. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how black people are waiting longer for rides from Uber and Lyft. Robin said they say they wait up to 30 percent longer for the rides to show up. Robin said they say Uber drivers were more likely to cancel with black sounding names than white sounding names.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if he can hear him good now. Howard said he can. King started talking but then his phone started cutting out again. King said please don't hang up. Howard said he doesn't have time for this. King asked if this is better. Howard said he was fine when he started out but now it's worse. Howard asked what he wants to say. King said black guys who act white like Obama... then his phone cut off. Howard laughed and asked ''what the fuck?'' He said this mother fucker. King asked him to wait. Howard said he goofs on people about their shitty stuff and he's got the worst. Howard asked what he has. King said he has an iPhone 7S with T-Mobile. Howard said he should get Verizon. King said he's out in the mountains.
Howard said this is what his phone call sounds like and did an impression of him cutting off. King asked how he sounds now. Howard said he's fine. King said black guys that act white usually like rappers like Common, Kanye and guys like that. He said they call them back pack rappers. He said they don't really talk about drugs and stuff. Howard said it's light rapping. King said you know what they are if white people like them. Howard said it's not good for Kanye then. King said he knew what Robin was going to say before she even said it. Howard said Jason likes the same rappers as Obama. Jason said ''true that.'' Howard asked who he should say he likes. King said Fabolous and Cam'ron are two that he should say. Howard said you have to have credibility and do some jail time to be a good rapper. Howard asked who the guy is right now. King's phone cut out again. Howard said he was just getting good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said King is the biggest asshole ever. He said his phone never works. The caller said just say Biggie. King said he wasn't shit. The caller told King to go back into the mountains, bitch. Howard said King's phone is so bad he can't even argue with this guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Uber driver waiting thing is that no one in their own community wants to pick people up. King went off on that guy yelling at him. The caller said he picks up people in the shitty areas because no one wants to pick anyone up there. He said they have to wait because they have to come in from the burbs. King went off on that guy calling him names and it wasn't clear why. Howard said he's not sure why King is on fire today. King asked the guy weird questions about what he's driving and laughed at him when he said he has a lease on a 2015 Infiniti. King said when he sees a white bum he doesn't give him shit because he shouldn't be a bum. King said the caller doesn't have to do any favors for black people. He said he's not helping. Howard said he's never heard a more ridiculous argument. Howard said King is out of his mind. He said he has to get out of this because King's phone cut out again. Robin said she thinks King was mixed up. She said he's just arguing with everyone.
Robin said that Chris Rock has a deal with Netflix to do two specials for $40 million. Howard said he's one of the best stand ups ever. Howard said he came up with this idea to do the specials and he must have said to Netflix that he'd sell it to them but it was going to be 20 million for each special. Howard said that's a lot of money so that's pretty cool. Howard said he's anxious to hear it. Robin said there must be money in streaming TV. Howard said he loves a lot of the stuff they're doing on Netflix. Howard said he made a deal with Netflix too. He said he sends them $9.99 a month and they let him watch. He said they say they're spending over $6 billion on shows. He said they've become another network. He said they started with House of Cards and they're doing the super hero stuff and that's great too.
Robin read a story about Megyn Kelly's contract coming up with FOX News and they say that the networks may not be in a bidding war for her. She's most wanted at FOX. Robin said she may be staying there.
Robin read a story about Adele and her problems with postpartum depression. Howard said he didn't know she was married or that she had kids. Robin had Howard play some of her music and Fred played Robin singing ''Hello'' over that. Robin said Adele has one child and she talked about the postpartum depression in an interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to band King of All Blacks. He said the black representation on the show is going in the pits. He said King talks like he was just taken off a plantation. Howard said he is ''King''' of all blacks though. The caller said he's wrong about the back pack rappers. Howard had him set him straight. The caller told Howard about some of the guys who are known as back pack rappers. He gave Howard some other rappers that he should be into. He said Robin just sits there quiet during this. Robin said she says stuff all the time. Robin and the caller argued for a few seconds until Howard moved on.
Robin read a story about Nintendo saying that they have a lot of classic games that people can play. Howard played a clip and Howard asked who gives a fuck. Howard said he was like 40 when he was playing that stuff. He said he started playing Atari in 1980. He said he used to play Space Invaders and things like that. He said he stopped when games like Donkey Kong came out. He said he was into Pong. He said he never got into Nintendo. Robin had audio of someone talking about Pokemon and what's going on with that lately.
Robin read a story about the Bridgegate case going to the jurors today in New Jersey. Robin gave some details on the case. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
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Howard started the show talking about how he's super charged up. Howard let ''The Great American Nightmare'' play and pointed out when he sings and when Rob Zombie sings. Howard said he was a disaster in that song. He said he doesn't know why he even plays it every morning. Howard said Rob was very disappointed in his performance. Howard said Rob wanted him to do what he does on the air but sing. Howard said he couldn't do what he wanted him to do.
Howard had a clip of Beetlejuice telling them who they have coming in today. He said that Dana Carvey will be in but it didn't sound like that. It was more like ''David Carby.'' They played a Beetlejuice song too. Howard said Leslie West can make any song good. Howard said he and Leslie still talk over email. He said he just had a birthday recently. He said he's 60-something. He said he's doing good. Howard said he's doing shows here and there and still making music. He said he has that hot wife Jenny. Gary said he's actually 71. Howard said that's it. He said Leslie was asking if he can believe Jack Bruce is gone. Howard said Leslie didn't take good care of himself but he's still going strong. Howard said he's like a bear.
Howard said it was very hard to get Beet to say Dana Carvey. Howard played a clip of Sal trying to get Beet to say the name. Howard said that should be a Wack Pack test. He said that if you can't say that name then you're in. Howard said he's looking forward to talking to Dana. Howard said Dana's Garth character is based on his brother. He said there's an audition tape of Dana online and he did this impression that was his brother. He said he was basically doing that character. Howard said if he was on Saturday Night Live he'd do an impression of his mother and it would be a famous character. Robin asked if his brother appreciates the character. Howard said he doesn't know. He said they'll talk to him about that later.
Howard played a clip of Dana doing his Casey Kasem impression. He said that's one of his favorites. Howard said he did a great John McLaughlin impression too. Howard played a clip of him doing that impression on Saturday Night Live.
Howard said he'll wait for Dana to come in to play more. Howard said he had a lot of characters he did. Howard said he also did the Hans and Franz thing. Howard said that they were going to do a movie with them too. Howard said they'll get to all of that later in the show. Howard said he's looking forward to that.
Howard played a clip of Dana doing his audition where he does the impression of his brother Brad. Howard said they'll talk about that later with Dana.
Howard said he used to make calls ordering Chinese food and things like that. He asked who knew he'd make a living doing that kind of stuff. Howard said it was crazy. He said his father told him to go to Summer Stock and learn to be an announcer to be on radio. Howard said he didn't think so.
Howard said this is Donald Trump calling a religious show trying to get their endorsement. Howard said Trump gets pretty feisty. Howard said it's fun. Howard played the call and they have fake Donald Trump calling this show and Trump asks them to strike Hillary down with lightning. He also suggested a terminal illness for her so he can get elected. Some of the people said Trump has their vote. Howard asked what show that is and how do they get it.
Howard said now 2016 comes around and there's this red faced, big toothed logo that is goofing on the Indians. Howard said it's the worst. He said they'd never have a black faced guy like that. He said it's offensive. Howard said if he knew everything was taken away from them he'd give them a fucking break and get rid of that logo.
Howard said Stephen Hawking thinks that if we get in touch with aliens that they're going to come here and do the same thing to us. Howard said they're going to slaughter us with their advanced weaponry. Howard said then the world series comes about and they'll have Chief Howard Stern with the big nose and all of that. Howard said they'll give us a casino to run to cut us a break.
Howard said Chief Wahoo looks like Gary in red face. Gary said that's what people told him when he'd go to Cleveland. Gary said the commissioner of baseball said they're going to deal with this after the World Series. Howard said yeah right. Howard said they might as well come up with other offensive characters like that if they're going to do it. Howard said it's unbelievable. He said he hopes they lose just based on that character.
Howard asked when the game is tonight. Gary said it starts at 8. He said it could go to 11 or later. Howard said he's going out to dinner tonight so hopefully he'll be home by 9. He said last night he was working until 6 and it was dark out. He said he was sitting by his computer and he was going to go to bed thinking it was 9. He said it was only 6 and he just went to bed. He said he was out by 7:30.
Howard said there's also a Dana Carvey quiz on the web site today. He said there are 10 questions about him up there. Howard said they have a lot of games on the site.
Howard read some email about Richard and Sal. There were a lot of emails about the gay stuff they were talking about yesterday. Howard said they are lining up the lie detector test that they talked about yesterday.
Howard asked Richard about something that someone referred to in the email. Richard said it was a county fair and he doesn't remember talking about it. Richard said he told a story about someone fucking a sheep but he just heard about that. Howard said he thinks the bathtub story is mind blowing. He said some of his friends use to bang animals. Richard said they didn't bang them but they would jerk off a dog. Howard said Richard never did that. Richard said he didn't but his friends would do that to make them laugh. Howard asked about the county fair thing. Richard said the guy was wasted from what he heard.
Howard said Sal and Richard got a lot of kudos. Howard said someone said they want them to have their own show on Howard 101. Howard said someone asked them to stop talking about the gay sex stuff. Howard said someone said he's the gay one there for talking about that stuff. Howard said he's gay just for listening to those two idiots. Howard said he has no desire to bathe with anyone. Richard said they were bathing in their own farts.
Howard said someone asked if Richard saw someone jerking off farm animals. Richard said he hasn't seen that but he's heard about it. He said he did see the dog thing but the dog looked like he was loving it. He said he was young and didn't know any better.
Howard said the email goes on and on. He said they were compared to the greatest comedy duos of all time. Richard said he'll bathe with Sal in the studio if they get a tub in there. Howard asked if he'll do the fart bubble thing. Richard said he'll do that. Howard asked Richard if the tub was all dirty. Richard said it did get murky. Howard said Sal says he won't do the tub thing. He said he thinks he will. Richard said Sal will do it.
Howard said they have some compliments about Howard Bikram who was on the show yesterday. Howard went into his impression of the Bikram Yoga guy. Howard did that for a few seconds and then read some email about his impression. Howard got back into the impression and spent a little time talking to Robin. He took a call from a guy doing an Indian accent and argued with the guy about a few things.
Howard and the caller went back and forth arguing about who did the best kind of yoga. They argued about who had the bigger penis and just made up crazy sizes.
Howard and the caller were coming up with crazy stories and they were trying to out do each other with the wildest claims of what they could do. Howard said he can make the Star Trek theme with his asshole. He whistled the Star Wars theme and corrected himself and tried to do the Star Trek theme. Howard told the caller to do that. The caller did his own fart thing. Howard Bikram said he can fart Van Halen too. He did that quickly. Howard and the caller continued going back and forth trying to outdo each other for a couple of minutes. Howard Bikram eventually hung up on the guy. Howard said he could have cum and drown him.
Howard said he's done. He said he's never doing that again. He said Bikram was a hit though. Howard said he has to take a break. They went to break after that.
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Howard said he saw that Tommy from Malden is a traitor. Howard said he tweeted that ''Chief Wahoo rules. Go Indians and Howard Stern is a big fag.'' Tommy said this political correctness is insane. Howard said he's always felt this way about the Indians. Howard said fuck you if you don't like it. Tommy asked if he has the right to say the word ''nigger'' or ''Spic.'' Howard said he can say it because no one is telling him he can't. Tommy said he questions Howard's loyalty to Trump too. Howard said he's a friend of his but he's talked about this. Tommy said Hillary is a criminal. Howard said if she is she'll be in jail. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation. He said he wants this election to be over with already.
Howard said he has this guy Supernigger on the phone. Howard asked what he goes by now. The guy said his first name is David. He said his last name is Supernigger. Howard said he changed his name while he was in jail. David said it was before that. Howard asked when he did it. David said it happened before he went to jail. He said the first name he had was Fuck Censorship. He said he looked up to this African American name who was named Mr. Nigger. He said he wanted to change his daughter's name to Supernigger too. Howard said if you forgot what this guy looks like he has face tattoos. Howard said it sounds like he's divorced. David said he hasn't gotten married. He said he and his friend are raising a child together.
Howard asked if he can get a job with that name. David said he can. He said he doesn't need a job though because he's disabled. Howard asked what's wrong with him. He said he has Multiple Sclerosis. Howard said he has a ton of shit going on with the tattoos on his face. David said he has a dude with a spiral for a head and he has an erection. He said it's not as big of a thing as Howard makes it.
David said he spent over a year in solitary when he was in jail. He said he panicked in a gas station. He said the police came and arrested him for disorderly conduct. Howard asked if he had a gun. David said he didn't. He said he doesn't bother with guns. Howard asked if he had any weapons on him. Gary asked if he told someone he had a bomb in his backpack. David said he did. He said he didn't have one though. He said he went over and laid down and waited for the police. He said they put him in solitary and locked him up for a year and a half or two years. He said we do that to people and that's what he's upset about.
Howard asked if he had the penis on his forehead when he was in prison. David said he did. He said he loves tattoos. David said they talked about this last time he called. Howard said he's just refreshing his memory.
Gary said the wife doesn't want him showing up to parent teacher conferences with the penis on his head. David said that's not true. He said he has gone to conferences.
Howard asked if David is sorry he put tattoos on his face. David said it's not a big deal. He said he would get it again. He said we have an irrational taboo about tattoos on faces. Robin said she was reading about Mark Zuckerberg and he works like 50-60 hours a week and he spends a lot of time thinking. Robin said he comes up with Facebook. This guy comes up with putting a penis on his face. Howard said he was thinking about this guy and he should start dating Huma Abedin. David said he knows she's single.
Howard said David is changing his name from David Supernigger to something else. Howard took a call from a guy calling himself Mike the Kike who had a quick comment about how he's offended by this guy.
Howard asked what happens when a black guy hears he named himself Supernigger. David said one guy said that he cheered him up with the name. Howard asked if Robin is enjoying this. Robin said she's wondering how this is helping anyone. Howard asked David if he can vote if he's a felon. David said he's going to try to vote. He said he's voting for Trump.
Howard took a call from ''Tommy the Chink'' who said he wants to have a play date with his daughter and David's daughter. Howard asked if David would like that. David said yes.
Howard said it's good to hear that he's still out there. Robin asked what he wanted to talk about. David said he wanted to talk about mass incarceration. Howard said he was just wrapping up and Robin had to bring that up.
Howard asked David what he does during the day. David told Howard about how he spends his day and how he keeps busy. He said he keeps his family informed about what he's doing. Howard said he didn't hear a job in that mix. David said he's disabled so he doesn't have a job. Howard asked if he had sex in prison. David said no but more men are raped than women in the United States because of prison.
Howard wrapped up with David and said it was good to check in with him. David said he'll check in again. Howard said he would change his last name to his actual last name. David said he is going to do that for his family. Howard said good for him. He let David go after that. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said Robin did a story the other day about Arnold Schwarzenegger wanting to run for president. Howard said he has him on the phone to talk about that. Howard took the call from phony Arnold who was talking about how he loves those titties. Robin thought he was talking about her's but it was Benjy's.
Howard said he was thinking about Arnold and talking to a buddy about this. He said if you think about his movies and how he started with Conan and Pumping Iron and then he goes on to make Terminator. Howard said he's like one of the most successful actors in Hollywood. Robin said there were some clunkers in there. Howard said yes but it's unbelievable what he's done. Howard said if he could run for president what would his position on abortion be. Arnold said something about life starting as soon as he takes Robin from behind. He said it's the only color child he's missing.
Arnold said he would like to Eiffel tower Robin with Lenny Dykstra. He said that's where she's on all fours and he and Lenny are on top.
Howard asked what Arnold thinks about Donald saying that grab a pussy thing. Arnold said you can't grab a pussy. Arnold asked Robin if he can grab her's. Robin didn't know what to say. Arnold said when he lived in Austria ''Grabbing a pussy'' was what they said when they caught a Jew.
Howard asked Arnold about Trump saying he might not accept the results of the election if he loses. Arnold said he's not accepting the box office results from the last election.
Howard told Arnold about the bet Brent has where he could end up getting his pubes waxed if Hillary doesn't win 40 states. Arnold said he's getting waxed right now. He made the usual Arnold noises as that was going on. Howard let him go a short time later. Fred played him off with the Terminator 2 theme music. Howard said he did Predator too. Howard said he had so many great movies. Howard said there was a point where you'd just go to an Arnold movie because you knew it was going to be good. Robin said he did Hercules too though. Howard said that was his first. Howard said there were some bad Beatles songs too. Howard asked Fred to name one. Fred said ''Mr. Moonlight.''
Howard said he was reading an interview with a bodybuilder who was like Mr. Universe or something and he was saying he might try to beat Arnold's record. Howard said he doesn't think there will ever be a career like that again. Howard said the guy had a huge career. Howard said it's mind blowing. He said so many people go to acting school and work on their craft. Howard said they have Daniel Day Lewis walking around as Abraham Lincoln and then Arnold walks in and does his thing and blows everyone away.
Howard said it's a crazy show business story. He said he's not sure why everyone isn't worked up like he is. Howard said Arnold should have played Abraham Lincoln. Howard said he remembers saying that he wasn't going to buy it with Arnold's accent but he got into it right away. He said he spent hours talking about it with his friend Pat yesterday. Howard said they were doing their impressions of Arnold in Predator saying ''Get to the choppah!'' He said that's the only line they know.
Howard said he doesn't remember the movie Commando. JD told Howard about that and Howard told him to write a note about it to remind him. JD said he's on it. Howard played a JD song parody after that. It was to the tune of the Super Mario theme and they had all JD sounds as the music. Howard said JD dances to that. Howard said he bets that would be a big hit video if they filmed that. Howard said it'll be bigger than Gangnam Style.
Howard asked JD if they're going to have a kid. JD said no kid but she does want a dog. He said she wants to get married too. Howard said there has to be something wrong with this girl. Howard said he hopes they're going to keep separate computers. Robin said that was Huma's problem. She said she was trying to police her husband's online activity but it didn't work.
Howard took a call from JD's mover who was trying to be funny saying he was all over the city because he didn't understand what JD was saying. Howard said he thought JD's mover would have mumbled like JD.
Howard said he'd like to know what they talk about. He said his girlfriend is normal. He said he wonders what JD talks about. JD said she has to tell him what to do. He said that children aren't in their future though.
Howard took a call from JD's mover again. This time the guy was mumbling like JD so it was unintelligible. Howard took a call from his girlfriend too and she was mumbling like JD as well. Howard spent a short time talking to her.
Robin asked if JD is saying no to having kids. JD said it's not just him. He said his girlfriend is in her late 20s and there are reasons that he doesn't want to get into right now. Robin asked if he has a low sperm count. JD said it's nothing like that.
Howard took a call from JD's unborn baby. That guy was mumbling like JD. Howard said he has JD's minister on the phone too. That guy was mumbling like JD as well.
Howard asked JD how long he's been in the new apartment. JD said it's one day. Howard asked if she's giving him clean sheets and all of that. JD said they're still unpacking. Howard said a woman's touch is good. Howard said JD used to throw his stuff on the floor. Howard said this is unbelievable. Robin said she can't believe he's thinking he's not having kids. JD said he'll talk to her about that off the air.
Howard asked JD when the marriage will happen. JD said he may propose in a few months. He said she would like it to be a public display but that won't happen. Howard asked if she wants him to rent out a baseball game and propose on a screen or something. JD said maybe not that but maybe someone taking pictures and stuff. Robin asked if she has picked out a ring yet. JD said he hasn't dealt with that yet.
Howard said he's going to this wedding. He said just imagine it. Howard asked if JD thinks he can make the proposal special. JD said there's no way he can do it. Howard said if he wants to do something big he's offering him the show. JD said he just moved into the apartment so leave him alone. JD said she likes Disney and places like that so he may do it at some place like that.
Howard asked JD what it would sound like if he proposed. JD did a proposal and Robin said she was under whelmed. Howard asked if she wants to do it on a specific ride or anything. JD laughed and said no. Howard played a song parody about JD getting married.
Howard said he was naked when he proposed to Beth. He said he got naked and said he had something to tell her. He said he was squatting down so his asshole was probably wide open.
Howard said JD has to consult with him about the proposal. JD said he's not going to do a public thing. Howard said they say you have to spend 2 and a half months of salary on the ring. Howard asked if he has gone to her father yet. JD said not yet. Robin asked if he told his family about moving in with her. JD said they knew she was moving there. JD mumbled something about her moving there and staying with him.
Robin asked if JD's girlfriend has met his family yet. JD said not yet. Howard asked if he doesn't want her to. JD said they live in two different places and it's hard. Robin said he acts like they live in the 1800s. Robin said they have to get on a stage coach or something. Robin said everyone can get somewhere but JD's parents. Howard said his dad lives in Ohio. JD said he does go there. Howard said he's taking her so it is happening.
Howard said the bridesmaids can be the webcam girls JD jerks off to. Howard asked if he's taking the high road with that. JD said he's being more responsible. Howard asked where he's going to jerk off now. JD said he still has privacy here and there. Howard played a song parody about JD.
Howard asked if JD is going to have all of the staff at the wedding. JD said he thinks so. Howard asked if he's closer to his brother, Jon Hein or Ronnie. JD said he talks to Jon Hein the most out of those three. Howard said he heard his girl wants to have a house warming party. JD said yes. He said Jason may not be invited to that. He said there are people who like to evaluate things and he doesn't want him there. Robin said she and Howard may not be invited either. Howard said this is so great. He did his impression of JD talking about not jerking off and getting the apartment.
Howard asked if JD is still jerking off. JD said he's not talking about sex. He said he's doing both though. Howard said congratulations to JD. JD thanked him for that. Robin said who knew that it would progress to this point. Howard said he figured it would last a week. Howard said now there's going to be a wedding. Howard said she has to tell him what to do but it's moving ahead.
Howard asked JD about the dog thing and what he's thinking. JD said he doesn't want a dog. He said he doesn't want to be responsible for that. Howard said maybe a cat. JD said she's not into cats. Howard said he sounds like a beaten man already. He said he's giving in to her and he's going to lose every battle. JD said not every battle. He said he picks his battles.
Howard asked if he's going to have a bachelor party like Richard did. JD said sure. Robin asked if JD won any battles about the apartment. Howard asked if they got what they wanted. JD said they found something that they figured they could afford. Howard said he can imagine that. Howard did his impression of JD mumbling and freaking out about the apartment. Howard said they should have some Wack Packers at the wedding. Howard said they can have the band that plays Robin's theme music play there.
Howard asked JD to do the proposal on the air there. JD said no way. Howard said he can get GWAR to be the wedding band. JD laughed. Howard said he has to take a break anyway.
Howard took a call from a guy who said JD should not get married. He said he sees a big red light flashing. The caller said he's 64 years old and he's been married 3 times. He said all of them asked him to marry them. He said if the woman does that then it's not going to work out. Howard said he's not sure JD can go on without jerking off to webcam girls. Howard said he's also marrying his first girlfriend. Robin said if she says get married he's getting married. Howard said he's doing the right thing. He said she's normal and nice looking so marry her. Robin said she puts up with him. JD said that's very true. Howard congratulated him again. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard came back and said he has Dana Carvey there. Howard said Dana has a comedy special on Netflix. He said that's coming out this week. Howard said Dana is a runner. He asked if he's still running. Dana said not so much lately. Howard asked if his neck hurts. Dana said his hip needs to be replaced. He said it's somewhat congenital. He said he hikes a lot now.
Howard asked Dana if he ran a mile in 4 minutes and 29 seconds. Dana said it was actually 4:27. Howard asked if he was a star in class. Dana said they had a 4:10 miler in his class. He said that was his thing though. He said he ran for like 6-8 years. Howard asked when he moved to San Francisco. Dana said he was like 2. He said they went there every summer.
Howard said being famous is so strange because no one in his family was famous. Howard said they'd have to say that Dana was perhaps the best impressionist on Saturday Night Live. Howard asked if that's fair. Dana said he likes where he's going. Dana said he was there 7 years and he's not sure what the rest of the guys could have done if they had stayed that long. Howard said Lorne Michaels had left and he was coming back. Howard said Dana was hired with the cast to revive the show. Dana said they kept Dennis Miller, Jan Hooks and Jon Lovitz. He said they had to hit the ground running and they were going to cancel the show if they didn't do something. He said they had just an 8 show pickup. Dana said he heard the show was canceled. He said they went to NBC and asked them to give Lorne one more chance.
Howard said Lorne put Dana up in his house on Long Island. Howard asked why he did that. Howard asked if he had no money. Dana said he was doing clubs and playing a pizza parlor in California in July. He said he was on the show and he figured he just did what he was told. Dana did an impression of Lorne calling him to come out and hang out at his house. He said it was so many layers of crazy.
Howard asked when he stared doing comedy. Dana said he started at 20. He said he couldn't write or think of anything though. He said he would do Popeye getting kicked in his balls as his closer. He did the impression for Howard. He said he hasn't done that since 1977. Howard asked if he had just 15 minutes of work. Dana said that's about it. He said he did Jimmy Stewart in his set too. Howard said he has seen his audition for Saturday Night Live and it seems like a nightmare to do. Howard said it has to be tough to get a read on the room. Dana said at one point he had done voices and his ''Chopping Broccoli.'' He said then Lorne asked if he had anything else he could do. He said he figured he was just checking to see how he could handle it. He said Jim Carrey had been there that day too and he thought he killed it.
Howard said Phil Hartman auditioned too. Howard said Jim is very talented and he must have figured he got the job. Dana said he did see the other auditions. He said he had auditioned before. He said he auditioned at the Comedy Store and followed Kinison. He said that this was prime Kinison too. Howard asked if Lorne shows up to that. Dana said this was 2 years before so Lorne wasn't there. Howard asked why they had their eye on him. Dana said Buddy Mora must have mentioned him. He said there was a club called Igby's and he asked to do something there because Lorne wanted to see him. He said he was doing like 45 minutes by that point. He said he had been doing stand up for 8 or 9 years. He said he had Church Lady in his back pocket by then.
Howard asked Dana about the Church Lady character and how he came up with that. Dana said he doesn't know where that came from but it was everyone in school and church. He said he was doing it in his stand up. Howard said they saw him doing it when they were scouting. Dana said they did. He said he had the catch phrase already and he was doing bits with her. Dana did his impression and said those rhythms were getting laughs in the clubs.
Howard said when you do a character he becomes that person. Howard said it's a tough gig to pull off. Dana said he was doing it for years and he was only able to do it in certain places. He said that some places were too noisy. He said that you have to do it in the right place. He said the smaller the better.
Howard asked if Church Lady was tough to work out. Dana said it was. He said he's too shy. He said he was too introverted. Howard asked what got him up on stage in the first place. Dana said he had weird experiences in his life. He said when the Beatles came on Ed Sullivan he was like 9. He said he was able to do the accent and talk like the Paul McCartney. He said he was able to do that like no one in his family. Howard asked Dana about being recognized for his Paul McCartney because he lived near Lorne Michaels. Howard said that Lorne knows everyone. Howard asked if he started doing the impression for him. Dana said no way. He said he wouldn't do that. He said he was barely able to look at Lorne. He said he did answer the door once and it was Paul McCartney and Linda. He said Paul said to him that his face had gone a bit funny. He said that he didn't want to mention the Beatles to Paul. He said he picked out an album called Tug of War that Paul did. He said he did bring that up and quoted a lyric. He said Paul loved him after that. He said if he had asked who played the drums on Dear Prudence that would have been stupid.
Dana said Paul was playing a song that no one had heard yet. He said Chevy Chase and A Whitney Brown were there at Lorne's house. He said they were all sitting around. He said his wife was at home in California so everyone was very nice to him. Dana said Paul leaned into him 10 minutes after he met him and said ''You know Dane... sometimes you spend so much time on a song that you end up ruining the fucker.'' Dana said he asked Paul to bring the album ''Press to Play' the next night and Linda mentioned that she told him he wanted to hear it. He said they obviously discussed it so that was surreal for him.
Howard asked Dana about staying with Lorne and what he did all day. Dana said Lorne would produce dinner so he would have people doing things to set it up. Howard asked if he had free reign of the house. Dana said he just stayed in his room. He said it was great. Howard asked if Chevy Chase was nice to him. Dana said absolutely. He said he loved his audition tape. Dana said he didn't think it was enough to bring the show back.
Howard said that Dana did his Church Lady on the first night and the sketch was the last one in rehearsal but they moved it to the first one after rehearsal. Dana said he did that and then he did Chopping Broccoli at the end. He said his manager came in and told him that he was the show that night. He said this was Brad Grey telling him it was his show that night. He said he left and he looked in the mirror and just swore a lot. He said he was cursing himself out. He was trying to get the nerves out.
Howard asked if the other cast members resented him for getting that play in the first episode. Dana said Phil Hartman was around. He said that Phil and Jan were doing the church chat thing with him and they were decimating the room. Dana said for him it was hard and he wanted to turn to the audience when he heard laughs. He said he got the laughs when he said ''Well isn't that special'' for the first time. Dana said he was very emotional after that first show. He said he had so many first starts that didn't go anywhere.
Dana said it was all just ridiculous when these big stars were telling him he could do this for a living. Dana said NBC signed him and he got put in a lot of things. He said he was in a show in 1980 with Mickey Rooney and Nathan Lane. Howard said Mickey thought he was gay. Howard asked why he was the gay one. Dana said Mickey thought he was gay and he put his arm around Nathan one day and looked at him and said ''I'm just glad I like girls.'' He said he never denied it with Mikey.
Howard asked if he did his Paul McCartney impression on his audition. Dana said he's sure he did that and many others. Howard said he was playing the Casey Kasem impression earlier for Robin. Howard said he did a line in that bit that was great. Dana did some of the impression for Howard and had him laughing. Dana said Casey liked his impression. Howard said he's shocked that people like the impressions. Howard said George Bush Sr. liked the impression even though it made him look like a buffoon. Dana said they've stayed in touch all these years.
Howard asked Dana if he did the impressions because it got him the attention. Dana said he's not sure he wanted attention. He said in 4th grade he lit it up. He said he was doing an oral book report and he was really funny. He said he'd go up and down. He said he had confident years and not confident. Howard said he had that too. Howard said he eventually just shut up.
Howard asked Dana if he got attention from girls doing the impressions in school. Dana said of course. Howard asked how many voices he had built up for the Saturday Night Live audition. Dana said he saw a thing in the paper once when he was starting out. He said he wrote down bits he had done for his friends in high school. He said he had John Wayne and Howard Cossell. Howard asked him to do John Wayne. Dana did some of that for Howard.
Howard said Dana sees comedians doing their thing and then he starts scribbling down. Dana said he saw Robin Williams there and he put the napkin with the notes back in his pocket. He said he didn't know there wasn't a Robin Williams at every comedy club. He said Robin killed and he wasn't sure he could do that. He said they had an open microphone at 11:30 and he did that and got some laughs so he was invited back a few weeks later.
Howard said Dana did an impression of Robin Williams on Saturday Night Live. Howard asked if he had to watch tapes over and over. Dana said some come easily. He said that it's just from hanging out with people. Dana said he interviewed Robin for a class and he had a tape recorder. He said he'd ask him questions and Robin had this cool voice that he could do. He said that he exploded on Mork and Mindy. He said Robin would come back to the clubs and he figured he just had a lot of work to do.
Howard said he sensed that things were going good and then he did Robin Williams and killed in his audition. Dana said he's never really watched that tape. Dana said he can't watch himself. Howard said he can't watch himself either. Dana said if he hears this interview again it'll be in 5 years and it'll be online.
Howard said Dana has the Robin Williams voice down. Dana said he would come to his house with his first wife. He said he didn't do cocaine himself because he would break down crying. He said Robin would come over with a big thing of coke and they'd play ping pong all night. Dana said that he was a very nice, sweet man. Howard said he has that voice down and it really is a unique voice. He sounds kind of British. Dana said he wanted to take his whole act and be him but he just couldn't do it. He said he had to develop his own style.
Howard said when he did that audition he thinks that's what got him the job. Howard asked if he was ever jealous of a guy like Robin Williams. Dana said he never felt that way about Robin but he is capable of feeling that for other people.
Howard asked Dana about doing Saturday Night Live and how he thinks he should be hosting Saturday Night Live like Alec Baldwin. Dana said he has done guest spots. Howard said he thinks they'd benefit from his impressions. Dana said he's still working on impressions. He did some of his Trump for Howard. Howard asked if he does it for the stand up. Dana said he does. He said he tends to exaggerate things a bit.
Howard said he has a million questions about Wayne's World and stuff like that. Howard said there's a rumor that he and Mike Myers weren't that close. Howard said they did that movie and made a ton of money though. Howard said the rumor was that when Mike did Austin Powers that he was upset that Mike was doing an impression of him doing Lorne Michaels. Dana said his first hook into Lorne was him saying ''I still have no fucking first act'' and he'd bite his nails. He said he'd stick his pinkie up for that. He said Mike did the pinkie thing and it was kind of like what he did but that's his favorite thing that Mike does.
Howard asked Dana about being in therapy. Dana said he is in it and he has to work on why he's not happy where he is. He said he was listening to the Jerry Seinfeld interview and he isn't tortured at all. Dana said he is tortured. Howard said Dana always thought he had fucked things up when he was on Saturday Night Live. Dana said he was trained to kill as a stand up. He said his job was to kill. He said he learned later he was a sketch player. He said he thought they had to kill on Saturday Night Live all the time. He said he did one sketch with Church Lady and Joe Montana was on. He said that the sound man told him that he had never seen the needle go so high from the laugher. He said that made him feel better for maybe 5 seconds.
Dana said he doesn't like spending money on himself. He said he likes being generous but he had a hard time buying himself something nice. He said he wanted a nice guitar but he had a hard time spending the money. Howard said he's the same way.
Dana said Conan O'Brien advised him to go to therapy. Howard said Conan has suffered from deep depression from what he's gone through. Howard said there's a story about Dana being offered Letterman's job when he left NBC. Dana said there was more to it than that. He said they gave him a contract with no obligation. He said they offered him a million just to say that he was considering it. Dana said he was tortured that year. He said he thought it might be really fun to do. He said he had a baby and a 2 year old. Dana said that Warren Littlefield gave him a gift just for considering it. He said he got a Beatles album that was autographed. He said he was writing Hans and Franz with Conan and others. Howard asked if he's disappointed they never made that movie. Dana said that part of his life was obscure and odd. He said they did make Arnold a key piece of the movie. He said they were looking for Arnold in the movie so that's what it was based on. Dana said that they had some brilliantly written stuff in it. He said Arnold fell out of the movie and that's why the bottom fell out of the movie. Howard said he heard that it was killed because some of the Saturday Night Live based movies and one Arnold movie didn't do well. Dana said that may have been true too. He said he thinks they could have made the movie but it didn't happen.
Howard said Dana was doing Ross Perot and his George Bush impression. Howard said he played Ross and Bush in the same sketch. Dana said that was crazy. Howard said the staff must get freaked out when he's playing two parts. Dana laughed. He said they had to put David Spade in the Ross Perot costume. He said Spade hated that. He said he had to wear the costume and all of that. Howard said on top of all of that NBC gives him a million bucks just to think about the Letterman thing.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon is doing the late night thing. He asked if he thinks he could have done that now that he's seen that. Dana said he thinks he would have been fine. He said he thinks he knows he'd be fine because Robert Smigel, Conan and Louis C.K. would have been over his shoulder. He said he thought that maybe it was a single man's game at the time though.
Howard said that Dana got close with Phil Hartman. Dana said they lived around the corner. He said they all hung out with the kids. Howard said he was such a talent. Howard said they had an on screen and off screen relationship. Dana said he loved doing the sketches with Phil as Ed McMahon. He said it was so fun to do that he didn't care if he got laughs. He said that he was channeling the nice Johnny in that sketch. Howard said Phil knew what to do in that sketch. Dana said that was the sketch that got him black listed from the Tonight Show. He said it wasn't just one sketch though.
Howard said Carson was so thin skinned. Howard asked if he was goofing on Johnny. Dana said he didn't think it was really cruel but it was a goof. He said Johnny was okay with it until they made him come across as kind of senile. He said after that he wasn't asked to be on the show. He said he heard from Leno that Johnny would walk down the hall saying it was time to go because they were making fun of him now. Dana said that eventually someone becomes a caricature of yourself. He said that happens to everyone and you can't escape it. He said he thought Carson was charming so he didn't mean to do that to him.
Howard asked if he called Carson back then. Dana said he just started therapy in August so no. He said he just lets things build up over time. Howard asked who would think George Bush would be cooler than Johnny.
Howard said Dana had a heart scare in his 40s. Dana said he was 42. He had a blockage in his artery. Howard said they were going to stent it and they stented the wrong one. Dana said he was running on the treadmill and he got a sore throat. He said he got tested and they said that his big artery was clogged. He said they call that one the widow maker. He said it was completely genetic too. Dana said that both of his parents had bypasses. Dana said they put stents in you and he had it done. He said they put in 3 over 6 months. He said then the scar tissue was blocking it. He said they were going to do a simple double bypass. He said he was going to fly him in and do it. He said his doctor missed the giant artery and hit the branch instead. He said it didn't damage him but it didn't fix him. He said they finally did it right and it's been fine ever since. He said he's still wide open now.
Dana said he was out of the public eye for a while. He said he had dome some shows that failed and he had done this artery thing. He said he wanted them to be accountable for screwing it up. He said they went to court over it and then the press got a hold of the story. He said People magazine wanted him on the cover and he said no but eventually gave in.
Dana said they tried blaming him for having a crazy heart thing going on. He said during the trial the insurance company for the doctor was there. He said he told someone from 20/20 to go up to the insurance people and tell them they wanted to do a story on them. He said 20 minuses later his attorney tells him they settled. He said he got a nice settlement out of that. He said they used that money to build a town in Tanzania for orphans. He said 2 or 3 years later his mother in law told him that a friend was going to have surgery and it was the same doctor. The woman didn't want to worry her husband about the surgery so she didn't tell him and the guy died the next day.
Howard said that Dana was at the hospital the night that Frank Sinatra died. Dana said then two weeks later the Phil Hartman thing happened. Howard said he was devastated by that. He said he didn't even know Phil that well.
Howard said Dana's special on Netflix is called ''Straight White Male'' and it's coming out this week. Howard asked if he is friends with a lot of Saturday Night Live guys. Dana said he is. He said that he got to do an Adam Sandler thing recently and he got to hang out with a bunch of those guys. He said Chris Rock calls him ''The Lady'' because of the Church Lady thing.
Howard asked Dana if he ever worried about them going to the Church Lady too many times and not put it on every week. Dana said it was working out on the show because of what was going on at the time. He said that people thought he was gay playing the part though.
Howard asked building a place in Tanzania makes him feel better. Dana asked if Howard is going to do anything like that. Howard said he doesn't need his name on anything. Howard asked if there are statues of him up there. Dana said his wife was welcomed there very well when she visited.
Howard said he thought Lorne and Cher were in the audience for his audition. Dana said they were. Howard said he heard that Cher was a part of the audition process a lot. Dana said he's never heard that. Dana said he met Rosie O'Donnell at Igby's. He said Lorne came in and he saw Brandon Tartikoff and then Cher. He said they introduced him as ''Dana Garney'' that night. He said that he has the worst intros. He said the club days were terrible. Howard asked if that blew him away. Dana said you don't know until your out there that you get nervous. He said he was controlling emotions all the time. Dana said he learned to control his emotions from when he was a child. He said he wasn't allowed to show emotions. He said his dad was able to show emotions. He said his dad was physical. Dana said he used the belt. He said he'd snap it and you'd have to grab your ankles to get hit. Howard said that's the worst. He said you have no connection to your father after that. Dana said he was terrified of his father. He said he learned to be quiet and stay out of his way.
Howard asked Dana if he was mad at his mom for not doing anything. Dana said his mom was like another kid who was terrified too. Dana said he helped out the family after all of that. He was giving it mainly for his mom. Howard asked if his father ever lightened up and said he knew he had it all along. Dana said he did say that to him once. He said he said he always liked him and supported him. He said he knew he didn't but he told him he wouldn't have either if he had a kid who wanted to go into stand up.
Howard said he's going to switch it up because that's so horrible. Dana said that's all been talked through with his siblings. Howard asked if he could ever take a 5 year old and hit them with a belt. Dana said he can't imagine. He said he can only assume it happened to his father. Robin said it didn't happen to him though. He didn't repeat it. Dana said that's true. He said he went the other way.
Howard asked if his kids are into comedy. Dana said his kids are trying it out. He said they have fun with it and make fun of it. He said things are so distorted now. He said he asked a talent agent if talent matters anymore. It doesn't. He said they could be a YouTube star or something. Howard asked how hard it would be to be a musician now. Dana asked how you find the next Beatles.
Howard asked Dana about doing The Dana Carvey Show at ABC. Howard said it seemed like a slam dunk. He said he had Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert working on the show. Dana said it seemed like the best laid plans but it didn't work out. He said ABC promised them everything and then Disney bought ABC. He said they wanted him to go up against Saturday Night Live. He said if the show was around today it would have been on cable.
Howard asked if he's still friends with Mike Myers. Dana said he is. He said Mike is the one who asked him to be in the sketch. Howard said that Garth impression is an impression of his brother. Howard said that's great. Howard asked if Mike would take his input for the sketch. Dana said he would. He said they had a lot of fun making the first movie. Howard said it made a lot of money. Dana said it made close to 200 million. Howard asked if he thinks Mike went too far with the second one. He said Mike did his thing and he was in charge of doing his own character for the most part.
Howard asked about Dana's brother inventing the Video Toaster back in the 90s. Dana said he did very well with that and he's very well off.
Howard asked Dana if he thinks he owes it all to Cher. He asked if he knows why Lorne brought her in. Dana said maybe he did it to see if he could perform in front of her. Howard asked if he wishes he had done his talk show with Lorne. Dana said he does. He said he should have. Howard asked if he was just trying to get away from all of that. Dana said it was a beautiful disaster. He said there's a documentary coming out in a couple of months about it. He said the shows were really good too.
Howard said he knows he's kept him there too long but he has more questions. Dana said he knows it's a long life so he's there as long as he wants.
Howard said for one audition they made Dana go on after Kinison. Howard said no one can follow Kinison. Howard asked if he tanked that night. Dana said it was death and then depression for 2 months after. He said he did a pilot with Desi Arnez Jr. once. He stared to tell Howard about that and went into his Denis Miller impression for a split second. Dana said he has been doing a lot of micro impressions lately. He said they're just to amuse himself. He did one of Michael Caine as a baby. Howard said he'd love to see him do Paul McCartney for an hour. Dana did more of that impression for a short time.
Dana said on the 40th anniversary of Saturday Night Live he did a song with Paul McCartney and at the end of the show he felt someone rubbing his neck and it was Paul. Howard said he does a Norm Macdonald impression too. Dana did some of that impression and did one of him as an alarm clock. Howard said Norm was great on Saturday Night Live and they fired him for no reason. Dana said he still doesn't know the real story on that. He said the guy was so great on the show.
Howard asked if it's tough to leave the show and then have the pressure of being on your own. Howard said you get great at doing the show and then you leave. Howard said then you have to go make a career. Dana said everything came together for him. He said they were throwing millions at him for this stuff. He said there was never a better venue for him. He said he's glad he stayed for 7 years.
Howard started to wrap up and Dana asked if that's it. He said it feels like they just started. Howard said he'd have him do impressions. Dana did more Paul McCartney and Tom Brokaw. He had Tom asking where the library is in Spanish. He was doing more of those micro impressions. Howard said he loves his John McLaughlin. Dana did some of that. Howard said he loved that impression. He said no one had ever attempted to do that. Dana said it was the same thing with Regis. He did his Regis impression too. Howard interviewed him as Regis for a minute.
Howard asked if he's ever not been able to do an impression. Dana said it took him about a year to come up with the Bush impression. He said that came to him eventually and then he had it. He said he was afraid that he'd get in trouble for doing that impression. Howard said after he did it then everyone came out of the woodwork doing the same impression.
Howard said Dana did a Neil Young impression and he'd do all of his obscure songs. Dana said he thinks Church Lady sounds just like Neil Young so he'd have her do the songs.
Howard asked how he can learn to do an impression. Dana said you record the person and listen to the tape but don't try. He said a few days after listening you try to do it. He said he learned to do Michael Caine that way. He told Howard how you do that. Howard interviewed Dana as Michael Caine for a minute.
Howard asked if Lorne ever rejected any of his impressions. Dana said sometimes he'd do just one line and he was asked to do Rain Man for one sketch. He said Jon Lovitz wanted to do it so he and Jon were friends so he wanted to do it. He said he saw the movie and smuggled in a tape recorder and did his technique. He said it broke Jon's heart. He said Obama is tough because of his deep voice. Dana said you can teach some people to do it. He had Howard said ''that's not true'' as Obama. He said he does a micro impression of Obama. He did one where he's starting a boat motor that sounds like Obama.
Howard asked if he did Nixon. Dana said he did but it was copying Rich Little. Howard asked if he did a Jimmy Carter. Dana did that too. He did that for Howard for a few seconds. Howard interviewed him as Jimmy Carter. Dana did a little Reagan too. Howard asked if he did Frank Zappa. Dana said he did but sometimes it was for just one night that he did impressions like that. Dana did a Hitler impression where he was all sweet talking his guys.
Howard asked Dana about staying with Lorne and if Jack Nicholson was there. Dana said he wasn't there but he did stay in Jack's room. He said he does Chris Walken too. He did a micro impression of him trying to open a jar of pickles.
Howard asked why he doesn't do more cartoon voices. Dana said he did The Secret Life of Pets. He said he turned down a few movies. He said he was busy working doing corporate gigs. He said he had million dollar months doing that. He said he is available for work now. He said he played a grumpy old dog in the movie ''The Secret Life of Pets.''
Dana did an impression of an old man he did on Saturday Night Live. Howard said that was a killer bit. Dana said they loved doing that one.
Dana did some of his Hans impression too. Howard said that movie would have been so great. Howard said they should have done that. Howard said he heard he did Keith Richards on Saturday Night Live. Dana said he did. He said Keith Richards was the host and he had a giant Jack Daniels in his dressing room. He said they had a lunch break and there were props around. He said he saw Keith staggering into view. He said he put a horses head in his hands and said to it ''Look at you, you're a fucking horse.'' Then he just walked off. Howard said he should have put that story in his stand up special. Dana said he should have. Dana said he probably does that to everything.
Howard said he does a Keanu Reeves impression too. Dana did a little bit of that. He said he does a Jon Lovitz as a 3rd grader too. He did that for Howard. He said he's doing some shows with Jon soon. Dana did his Woody Allen impression too. Dana said he did that on Saturday Night Live once and Rob Schneider was playing Sun Yi. He said they were in the cold open and Rob didn't show up when he was supposed to. Howard interviewed him as Woody for a few seconds.
Howard said that Dana does it all. Dana said he likes that he loves the impressions. He said he could do it all day. Howard said he'd love that.
Howard asked if they would ask him to do the impressions on the show or would he come in with them. Dana said it works both ways. He said he and Smigel would team up on a lot of things. He said Phil Hartman was good with that too. He said he'd play the supporting or the lead.
Howard said they've learned it all. He said Dana is in therapy. Howard said he's down to twice a week himself. Robin said he's almost cured. Howard said his therapist told him he should be there 3 times a week. Dana asked what his goals were. Howard said he wanted to feel a little less isolated and feel more connected to his family and his feelings. He said he thinks he's doing better. Dana said show business is emotionally violent to most of them. He said you have to have something that's not sabotaging you. Howard said it's all very complex. He said he's 17 or 18 years into therapy and he's still a mess.
Howard asked how the Hartman kids are doing. Dana said they're doing well. He said they keep in touch. He said they're living a regular life in Minnesota now. He said he and Phil used to jam and now he's jamming with his son. He said Phil would have loved that.
Howard gave Dana some plugs for his stand up special and the dates he's doing with Jon Lovitz in Vegas starting in January. Howard said it's nice that he's on Netflix. Dana said that's nice because it'll be there for a year so whenever you want to watch it you can.
Howard asked if Dana watched the special. Dana said he did. He said he had to be in on the editing. He said it was painful. He said he had to watch it maybe 30 times. Howard asked if he edited it himself. Dana said he did the best he could with the shots he had. Howard asked how many shows he did. Dana said it was two. He said he tried to write more interesting stuff. He said the audience was great. He said he's best in a 200 seat room but he did this with 1100. He said it's a good room though so it's tight. Howard asked how long it takes to put together an hour long special for Netflix. Dana said it came together pretty quick. He said it all came in pretty quickly. He said that it was more bits and more bits. Howard asked how that works for him. He asked how the process goes. Dana said he had one bit about an ISIS guy with doubts. He said he'd just sit down and come up with ideas after writing it down. Howard asked if he records the stand up so he can listen back. Dana said he did that for this. He said he doesn't like doing that though. Howard asked if the Netflix people interfered at all. Dana said they had their notes but they were very nice about it.
Dana told Howard about being a waiter at a Holiday Inn and he brought an omelet to Richard Pryor once. He said he brought it to him and he said ''Whoever made this omelet can suck his dick.'' He said he didn't know if that was good or bad. He said years later he was doing a movie with Richard and he got a cheeseburger and he said ''Whoever made this cheeseburger can suck my dick.'' He said Richard said ''You must really love that cheeseburger.'' Howard said he's learned a lot today. He said Dana is something else. Howard thanked him for being there. Dana said it was an honor to be there.
Howard gave him some more plugs and Dana told Howard he does a 5 minute bit where he has John Lennon and Paul McCartney having a conversation. Dana said it's Paul explaining to John what 2016 is like. Howard said he has to watch this special. He said he should have done that for an hour. Paul said he could have. He said he just kept coming up with more and more stuff. Howard asked if he gets political. Dana said he didn't but he could do that. He started to do some of what that might sound like. He was doing Paul, John and Trump. Howard said he's got him psyched up for his special. He said he has to watch. Dana said he does a Bernie Sanders impression too. He did some of that for Howard. Howard said he likes that he's underplaying this. Dana said shooting stand up is tough. Howard said he would watch a show of him just doing Paul and John. Dana said he's pitching a show where he'd do puppets. Howard said he just wants him to John and Paul. Dana said his wife shoots stuff for Facebook. He said his wife holds the phone. Howard said then take his phone into therapy and show him crying. Dana said he has teared up in therapy. Howard said he has cried. Dana said it's such a weird thing to do therapy. He said he's in this room telling his darkest secrets.
Howard asked if Dana goes in and tries to entertain the therapist. Dana said he has done that. He said he wants her to really like him. Howard said he had to learn to stop doing that. Dana said he'll do voices and stuff. Howard said at some point she'll tell him not to do that. Dana said most of it is talking in a normal voice. Dana said he'll do therapy for a year and then come back to talk to Howard next year around this time. Howard said he'll come back not doing impressions and doing dramas. Dana said maybe he'll come back like Jay Leno or Seinfeld and just be happy. That led to Dana doing his Leno impression for a few seconds. Dana did some of his Seinfeld impression too but it was just a quick one.
Howard wrapped up and gave Dana more plugs and went to break a short time later. They played Lenny Kravitz performing ''Are You Gonna Go My Way'' in the Howard Stern Show studio as they went to break.
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Howard said he's a little spent but it's time for some news. They played Robin into it with a song parody. Robin said she's reading a story about the woman whose husband shot up the night club in Orlando. Robin said she found her husband online, gets married and has a kid and then she finds out he's a monster. Robin read some of the stuff she had to go through with the guy.
Robin read a story about Bill Cosby's trial and what's going on with that. Robin said they have pre-trial hearings going on.
Howard took a call from a woman who said they have to fire Benjy and get Dana Carvey in there. Howard said he is great. The caller said it was such a great interview. She said it was even better than the Lady Gaga interview. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how they're going to see an end of sports people abusing their wives and kids. Robin said a guy just had to leave the Giants because he was accused of abuse. Robin said now there's a Mets player who is accused of abuse and he tried to get out of it by using his middle name instead of his first name when the cops arrested him. Robin said he and his wife were having a night out and they got into a fight when they got home. Robin said the police were called and they found scratches and a bruise on the woman. The player was arrested. Robin said there's another career in jeopardy.
Howard took a call from a guy, Chad, who asked if he can pee with a boner. Howard said of course. He said he woke up last night and had one and he peed. Howard said the boner goes down as soon as he pees. Chad asked if he can pee inside a woman. Howard said he can't do that. Chad said he's never seen porn about that. Howard said he's never seen it but he's heard of it. Fred said Sal would know. Howard said JD claims that he watched porn where a guy peed in a guy when he was hard. Howard asked if he did it in his asshole. JD said his cock was outside but he was able to piss in the guy's asshole which was gaped a little bit. Howard said he can number 2 with a boner. He said he's actually not sure if he can do that.
Robin read a story about a study done at the University of Helsinki that says people with religious beliefs or beliefs in the paranormal have a poorer view of the real world. Robin read some details of the study. Howard asked what you need on your SATs to get into the University of Helsinki. Robin said she thinks it's an interesting study.
Robin read a story about Pope Francis and how he thinks that the banning of women in the priesthood will remain forever. That led to Howard doing his pope impression for a short time. Howard said it's ridiculous that he thinks a woman can't be a priest. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Sarah Silverman being sick and in the hospital. Robin said she just posted on social media that she thought she had a cold but she found out she had a very serious illness. Robin said they admitted her and she had to go into the ICU. Gary said this happened back in July so she's all better now. Robin said she just saw it this morning. Howard said he thinks he wrote to Sarah back when it happened. Howard said he thinks Robin knew too. Robin said the posting was sort of like accepting an award. Robin said she didn't know about this. Howard said he thinks she did. Robin said she's glad to hear she's better.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he amazed him today about peeing in the pussy. He said it happened to him when he was 21. He said he got a request from a woman he was seeing. Howard said he must have gotten soft to do it. The guy said he was very hard and enjoying himself. Howard had to let the guy go so he could get back to the news.
Robin read a story about a woman who is accused of extorting Elliot Spitzer. Robin had some details about that case.
Robin read a story about Bono and how he's the first man to be named on Glamour magazine's ''woman of the year'' list. Howard said he's not sure he'd want that. Robin said she thinks Bono is happy about it. Robin said Bono says that it's a good step in gender equality. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about police being shot and killed in Iowa. Robin said it was an ambush type attack that killed two. Howard said he just got an update and the shooter was caught.
Robin read a story about how they're saying our voting system is safe from hackers like the Russians and others. Robin had audio of an official talking about that.
Robin had some audio of Donald Trump talking about repealing and replacing Obamacare when he's elected. Robin said that Trump and Clinton are neck and neck at this point in the polls. Howard said it's crazy how that happens. He said it's a wacky electorate.
Robin read more about Trump and how he's having trouble getting endorsements but now he's rejecting one from the KKK. Robin said they endorsed Trump and Trump's camp has rejected it.
Robin read a story about someone who called Hillary Clinton the C-word on Twitter. Robin said he's had to come out with an apology.
Robin read a story about flu shots and she had some audio of a doctor talking about the safety of the vaccine.
Robin read a story about the world series of poker champion. Robin read about how the championship went down.
Robin read a story about Tiger Woods who is planning to return to golf next month. Robin read some details about the return.
Robin read a story about baby food and how the labels can't be believed. Robin said they say they're often misleading deliberately. Robin said they often have more salt in them than they claim.
Robin read a story about David Bowie and how he's going to be an Emoji. Robin said an iOS will have a new Emoji with Bowie as one.
Robin read a story about how Mel Gibson was on the Stephen Colbert Late Show and talked about how upset he is about the way people won't let things go with him. Howard said he thinks he's up there right now doing the Town Hall. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
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Here's what they played on the Thursday replay show on Howard 100:
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Here's what they replayed on Friday on Howard 100:
Today's show was over around 11:10am.