Howard started the show talking about how he was sitting there drinking his coffee and someone was saying he is a shill for Starbucks. Howard said he's not and he's just pointing out that he's drinking coffee. He said he stopped when he was 19 and he didn't have it for 40 some years.
Howard said they brought him a cup and he finished it in 10-15 minutes. He said he sees people who walk around all day with coffee. He said that Rapaport had iced coffee the other day. He said it's like a baby bottle. He said he doesn't get why they nurse it all day. Howard said they're wrong. Robin said they're wrong because they don't do it the way he does. Howard said he just drinks the whole thing at once. Robin said she doesn't do that. Robin said she drinks it the way she wants to. Howard said it gets cold. Howard said Beth does that too. He said it's ridiculous. Robin asked why it is. Howard said just drink it. He said it's nonsense. He said just do it the right way. Robin said who knew there was a rule. Howard said it's just annoying with the cup. He said it bothers the shit out of him. He said everything bothers him. He said he didn't even want to come in this morning.
Howard said Thursday was a shitty day for him. He said he had to be there to judge some extreme acts. Howard said they wanted them to appear to be live. He said they didn't need to be there. Howard said he's a team player though so he showed up. Howard said he is a team player god damn it.
Robin asked how it felt working the new hours of 8-10. Howard said it's more tolerable. Howard said Tuesday night's America's Got Talent was the best show he's seen. Howard said he wondered how they're going to top that show. Robin said that girl who sang was in the bottom. Howard said she was great. Howard said it's funny with that girl. He said he put her through the two times he saw her. Howard said he was ready to say that she's okay and not great. Then she sang that California Dreaming song and he was so impressed with her that he said she was phenomenal. Howard said that Hispanic girl was great too. He said she's only 13. Howard said she felt more contemporary to him this time. Howard said the ventriloquist was great too. He said they rush him when they're judging though. Howard said he was ready to tell that guy that he was doing the same thing over and over but then he did something new.
Howard said he was going to come down on Heidi for her judging because she went off on the ventriloquist about walking off the stage. Howard said she doesn't get it. Howard said Piff the Magic Dragon was great the first couple of times they saw him. Howard said he is so good that he made it through. Howard said he did have a bit of a misstep this week. Howard said his interaction with Heidi is better than with Howie. Howard said he would have told him that but he didn't have time. Howard said what's great is his comedy. Robin said she's not sure why he has to be in the costume. Howard said he's goofing on that thing. He said he's very good and he's glad he got through.
Howard said the ratings went up for America's Got Talent. He said that they're going up from the previous year so that's great. Howard said he's leaving the show and going out with a bang.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that America's Got Talent is horrible. He said if Howard wasn't on the show he'd be destroying it. He said the cheese factor is out of hand. Howard said he knows it is but he's just there for the judging. Howard said he thinks the guy is talking about the wrap around and stuff. The caller said he is. He said that the nerds he buzzed the other day weren't the ones who came up with that stuff. He said that the producers do that. Howard said that his X was to say that he would not put them through. Howard said the producers are helpful and hurtful. Robin said she's going to bring the audience into this. She asked if they gave them the song choice. The caller thinks they did. He said he knows that they gave them the stupid jackets and stuff. Howard said they are great singers but what he saw was a misstep. Howard said he hit the X to say that what he was seeing was total crap. He said the song was off key and they lost the essence of what they do. Howard said he wasn't trying to be mean.
The caller said it's the producer's fault. Howard said the producers can give suggestions and sometimes they work. He said sometimes they don't. Howard said this isn't the America's Got Talent wrap up show. He said he had to get going.
Howard said he points this out because something else was written about him that isn't true. Howard said that he'd like this source to come forward. Howard said that he'd like them to prove that it's true. Howard said there's an article about how Roger Ailes picked Trump over Megyn Kelly. Howard said in the article they say that Trump is angry at Megyn because they claim that Howard Stern called Trump to tell him about a 2010 interview that she did on the show. Howard said that he spoke to trump a couple of weeks ago but it wasn't about this. He said it was before the debate. Howard said he hasn't spoken to Trump since. He said he didn't do what they claim he did. Howard said he wants people to know that he doesn't call and tell people about his guests. Howard said he loves his guests and he would never do that. He said he didn't do that.
Howard said he seems to be having some romance with Orlando Bloom. Howard said he sat next to him at the Aniston and Theroux wedding. Howard said he's a real leading man. He said there are very few people who have that. Howard said there are a handful of people who are like Julia Roberts. He said that she had that million dollar smile. Howard said you can't make it up. He said he wasn't even sure who Orlando was at the wedding. Howard said he knew he was a leading man though. He said he is the kind of guy who gets laid every 15 minutes.
Howard said Orlando was interviewed and talked about how great Howard Stern was at the wedding. Howard said Orlando said that he has a man crush on him. He said this guy is great. He said Robin is going to love him. Howard said he'll let Robin know ahead of time so she can go to the spa before he comes in there. Howard said he's going to fuck one of the two of them. Howard said Orlando squeezed him kind of hard when he danced with him.
Howard said his computer is freaking out. He said he's trying to get to JD Page 1 and it's freaking out. Howard got it a second later. Howard played a clip of Orlando Bloom talking about him in an interview. Orlando said that Howard is a really lovely man. He said they had a fun time at the wedding. Howard said he thought he broke his back because he squeezed him so tight. Howard said he's very powerful.
Howard said he's a nice guy and he had a good time with him. He said he was eyeing him up for Robin. Robin said sure he was. Howard said he's trying to find her a husband. Howard said she's going to be Robin Bloom. Robin said she's ready. Howard said he likes this guy so he thinks he's right for Robin.
Robin said she wanted one until she saw it. Howard said the AVN awards look nicer than this. Howard said they should look at the design. Howard said the nicest he ever won was the Best Newcomer from Billboard. Howard said he still uses it as a bookend. Howard said don't tell Orlando Bloom that he had to buy the Webby.
Howard said he has to talk about something serious. He said there is an article in the NY Times on August 14th about the Islamic State enslaves young girls. Howard said they're talking about ISIS and what these bastards are doing. Howard said you wonder why people are joining ISIS. He said it's an economic thing. Howard said what they're doing is getting people who aren't Islamic and they capture these girls and offer them to new recruits. Howard said they give them these 12 year olds to fuck. Howard said imagine the horror of this. Robin said this goes on in the TV show ''Tyrant.'' She said if Howard watched it then he'd know.
Howard said they have an interview with a girl who escaped. Howard said that they say that it's okay to do this because you're bringing her closer to Allah by fucking this girl who isn't Islamic. Howard read about what this guy did before he raped this 12 year old. She claims that he prayed before and after the sexual act. The girl said that he's allowed to rape a non believer. Robin said you have to think about the warping of the mind of this guy's mind by his religion. Howard said they say even Bill Cosby is disgusted by this. Howard said he's just disgusted by it himself. He said that he doesn't know what will happen with ISIS. He said it's such a bad situation. He said they kill people over a cartoon of Muhammad and things like that. He said it's like dealing with insanity plus. He said it's absurd. Robin said this is mental illness they're dealing with.
Howard said with this election coming up they have to get someone to deal with the mental illness. Howard said it's out of control. Robin said you can't negotiate with it. Howard said he's a judge and he'd hit the X on these guys. Howard said that won't work but that's what he would do if he could. Howard said Howie would probably enjoy it and not hit his X. Howard said these guys are cockroaches and low lives. Howard said if he ever has the answer he'll announce it.
Howard said Julian Bond has died and he was a civil rights leader. Howard said he was 75. Robin said she looked up to him.
Howard said that someone wrote a song about Riley, Jeff the Drunk and High Pitch Eric. It's a parody of ''Knocking on Heaven's Door''. Howard played the song which had coughs and clips of the three guys.
Howard said that Bill Hader, Seth Meyers and Fred Armisen are coming in today. Howard said they're doing a show that's really funny. Gary said it's called ''Documentary Now!''. Howard said the one he saw was so fucking funny. He said it's very much in the vein of Spinal Tap. He said it's like Spinal Tap but for punk. Howard said it's so funny so he invited all three of them in.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to play. He said it's called Witness Protection Pizza Ordering. Howard played the call where the guys had a voice modulator on the voice as they spoke to the pizzeria guy. They changed the speed of the voice so it was very hard to understand. Howard said even if the rest of the show sucks how fun was that?
Robin wondered how they got permission to play that stuff. Howard said that he can't tell her how many they can't play that are great because people won't let them. Howard said Sal is a smooth talker and he's fearless. He said he'll call up and beg them to let them play the calls. Howard said he was reading an article about the best Letterman bits that never made it to air and it was really interesting. Howard said he'd love to see a special based on those bits. Howard said they were going to do a lie detector bit but that didn't happen. He said they had a bit where Dave would be dressed as that thing on Aaron Neville's face. Howard read a bunch of other bits that Dave wanted to do that never made it to air. Howard said they never go to do them.
Howard said it got him thinking about the bits that never made it. Howard said they wanted to have David Letterman come in and tea bag Paul Shaffer. Howard said he has a list of things that they never did. He said they're real too. Howard said they wanted to do a heaviest load contest. He said they wanted to weigh their loads but Tom Chiusano said no way to that. Howard said that they couldn't even weigh it off sight. Howard said they wanted to see who could hold an enema the longest. They wanted to do a Cancer Kazoo karaoke thing. Howard said they never did that either.
Gary said a lot of these things would go to the sales department and they would reject them. Howard said they wanted to do a GILF (Grandmother I'd Like To Fuck) thing but Tom turned that down. Howard said they wanted to do a show with everyone on Ambien. Gary said that was Tom too. Howard said they wanted to do a Hottest Hoarder contest. Gary said he doesn't think they got any interest on that. Howard said they wanted to do a slumber party in the studio. Howard said he didn't want to do a 24 hour show.
Howard said the bit with Richard getting Chloroformed never happened. Howard said that they wanted to do a roast where they roasted a kid with cancer. Gary said Benjy wanted to get a groping box where they'd grope a woman. Howard said he thinks Benjy wanted to be groped. Gary said Benjy wanted to grope a woman.
Howard said that Richard wanted to eat Will's wife's placenta but Legal turned that one down. Howard said there were others. Gary said there was ''Retarded Idol'' too. He said they wanted to have a talent show but they should have named it something else. Howard said they can call it Special Adult Idol. Howard said that Seth Meyers might steal that.
JD said that Richard and Sal wanted to hang upside down and try to pee in a cup on the floor. Gary said they wanted to hold the cup in their mouth. Howard said he'd be for that. Gary said that it's a health department issue. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Bill Hader, Seth Meyers and Fred Armisen are all there. Howard said they're all in this new documentary series. Howard said it's like a special day. He said it's like an Saturday Night Live reunion. Howard said that some people on Saturday Night Live disappear but some people go out and do something new. Howard had all of the guys say hello and they were doing their impressions of each other.
Howard said he has to say to Bill that when he hosted Saturday Night Live he returned with his puppet character. Howard said he rewatched that segment and it was great. Bill said he never would have done it if he hadn't done Howard's show that week. He said the writers heard him on Stern and said they should do that. Howard said there was one point in the sketch where he inhaled a cigarette and the puppet exhaled it. He said it was great. Howard said he should have his own product line with that character. Seth said that was Bill's last season on the show and he came up with that A-list character. Bill said it was the writers who came up with that character. He said they left a note for him to come and see them.
Howard said he watched the Chris Farley documentary and he didn't write his own material. Howard said that you know you're good if they search you out. Seth said he' snot sure they had that kind of person in their season. They talked about Keenan Thompson being great for that though.
Howard said Bill Hader was in Trainwreck. Howard asked if he's getting scripts like he's never gotten before. Bill said not really. Howard said he has a hit movie so it must change. Bill said he gets recognized a little bit more. Fred said Bill has been in movies for a long time. Howard said it's like a breakthrough though. Howard said movies are tough. He said you have so little control. He said it could have bombed and he'd never be in another movie. Bill said Amy is so good and Judd is so good that he didn't worry.
Howard asked if it's true that he'd go home and make love to his wife when he had love scenes with Amy. Bill said that was their thing. He said no one wants to see him having sex. Howard asked if he told Amy and Judd that. Bill said no one wants to see that. He said Judd said it would be funny. Bill said he did it and he told his wife and she said he had to come home and have sex with her. He said he got her pregnant doing that. Howard said it feels very dangerous for a marriage when you're doing that. He said it's almost impossible to remain married.
Seth said that his wife tells him that he has to keep a desk between him and his guests. Howard said Kristen Wiig is so attractive and talented. He asked how they don't fall in love. The guys said that guests would come in and fall for them. Howard said he thinks that Fred banged Tina and others. Bill said Fred would hop on them.
Seth said that you see people at their worst when you're on Saturday Night Live. He said that they're unwashed and eating and they're always around. Howard said no one is that attractive working like that. Seth said that you see what it would be like being married to someone for 20 years working there.
Howard said Fred is doing Portlandia and doing so many other things. Howard asked if he's exhausted. Fred said he's not. He said that he gets to travel and meet people and it's okay. He said the schedule is insane but he likes doing it. Howard said Bill looks exhausted. Bill said he is. He said he just flew in from Ireland. He said he and Amy were flying around to do press for Trainwreck and they were all over the world. Howard said he's working the whole time. Bill said he is. Seth said it's the same questions but with different accents.
Howard said Bill and Fred are working for Seth on this new ''Documentary Now!'' series. Bill said that Seth is the leader. He said he was the head writer at Saturday Night Live when he started there. He said he still feels like he's the boss now. He said he's so honest and smart and funny. Howard said Seth is somehow the authority. Bill said they did just get him coffee and breakfast. Howard said he's like the Lorne Michaels of the show. Seth said Lorne is actually the Executive Producer of this series too. Howard said he thinks Seth is being groomed to take over for Lorne. Seth said he thinks that Lorne is going to outlive them all.
Howard had Fred do his impression of Lorne Michaels. Howard said he saw Lorne recently and he was very polite to him. He said he was just like that. Howard asked Seth which impression he does. Seth did his where he says ''No, no, no, no...'' He did that for Howard. Howard asked if it's better to do it in front of him. Bill said he broke into his accidentally once. He said he caught himself doing it and stopped. Fred does a Japanese Lorne that he did for Howard. Bill cracked up. Bill did his Lorne impression for Howard too. He had everyone cracking up.
Howard said that Lorne has a lot of famous friends. He said that he's always with someone. Seth said he'd love it if he had a high school friend he always talked about. He did his impression of him talking about ''Reggie.''
Howard asked the guys what brings them all together. Fred said that it's similar interests and things. Bill said that they've into comic books and they'll talk about that kind of stuff.
Howard said Fred can improvise any accent off the top of his head. Fred said he can do any part of New York. Howard named Great Neck and Fred did an impression of someone from Long Island. Howard asked him to do The Bronx. Fred did that for Howard and Bill was laughing hysterically.
Howard asked what the east side of Manhattan sounds like. Fred did that impression and had Howard cracking up. He did an Upper West Side impression too.
Howard said the guys do the Californians bit on Saturday Night Live and that's great too. Howard said that came about because Fred and Bill were talking about giving directions and that's where it came from. Bill said they'd be in the writer's room and they'd be talking about how they got home and things. They'd tell each other how they'd get from one place to another in California. He said they'd put on the accent. Howard said the accent is really funny. He said that Betty White didn't even seem to try with the accent. He said that voice came from Dana Carvey's son. Bill said when they did the very first one Fred was just talking kind of normally. He said he was doing Dana's son. Fred said Dana did an impression of his own son. He did that for them and that led to that accent. Bill said that Fred came out and did the impression without telling them he was going to do it and it cracked him and Kristen up. Howard asked if they like to save it for the live show. Bill said he and Fred would try to mess with each other during the season. Seth said that when you see someone you've seen for 7 years on the same show you like to see them cracking each other up.
Bill said that they did a short term memory theater bit and he had a great idea to mess with Fred and he had to repeat after him. He said he was going to say things that weren't in the script. He said that Fred came out wearing a Giants jacket and he ended up asking him to give him the jacket and that wasn't part of the sketch. Howard said these stories are like war stories. He said it's great to see them all telling the stories together.
Howard asked Seth how the show is going. Seth said he's having a blast doing his show. Howard asked if he's doing the show like 24 hours a day. Seth said it's not like Saturday Night Live. He said they don't spend the whole night there. Howard asked Seth about emailing James Corden about not getting into a feud. Howard said you need to have a feud a little bit. Seth said he knew James before he got the show. Seth said they text each other about the stuff they do on their shows. Howard asked if they're really sincere. Seth said he likes getting them even if they're not sincere. Robin said maybe he's trying to lead him astray. Seth said he didn't think about that. Bill said it's a trap. Seth said they did a thing with Kit Harrington and James wrote him about that last.
Howard said last week Seth ditched his traditional monologue. He said he likes that he did that. Howard said he liked him doing the news on Saturday Night Live so maybe he should do that. Howard asked what his feedback was. Seth said it's very positive and they may do that permanently. Robin asked what James Corden said. Howard said he didn't know who James Corden was. Seth said he had met him before. He said he only had 3 weeks off from Saturday Night Live until he started his late night show. He said that he feels a lot more comfortable being there.
Howard said he asked Seth about the Saturday Night Live reunion and he talked about Norm MacDonald and that led to a bit of a feud. Howard said Norm was on a show and he was saying when he wants to be funny he has to stop and think about what Seth Meyers would do. Howard said Norm has said that he won't do his show. Seth said that he reached out to Norm saying that if he listens to what he said on Stern that it wasn't as bad as they made it out to be. He said that things are fine between him and Norm.
Howard said one of the things Seth is doing is Second Chance Theater. Howard said that he's presenting sketches that didn't make it on Saturday Night Live and showing them there. Howard said this is a good idea. Seth said they're going to do more of them this year. He said they had an Australians bit where they were Australian guys packing for a trip. The audience didn't like that so it got cut from Saturday Night Live. Howard said that accent is so annoying. Howard said that he can't stand it.
Howard said the guys are there to talk about the ''Documentary Now!'' show. Howard said that he saw one of them and it was very funny. Seth said Bill came up with the idea. Bill said that he wanted to do it as a show because they can make different documentaries. Howard said it airs on IFC and it's six episodes. Howard said that channel must be hard to find. Seth said that Portlandia is on it. Howard said that's right, it's hard to find. Howard said that maybe this will be a second big show for IFC.
Howard said that they do a documentary about a band like The Eagles. Bill said it's a bunch of tough guys doing songs that are really light. He said it's like a bunch of Alpha guys and then they play these really soft songs.
Howard said they have a clip from the show on HowardStern.com. Howard asked about the other documentaries they did. They talked about some of the shows they shot. Howard asked what kind of budget they have. Seth said it's not a big budget. Howard said they don't have a lot of time to do it either. They shot one in Iceland but Bill said he didn't go. He said that he plays an old man making this film.
Howard said Fred freaks out in the elevator there so how does he fly to Iceland. Fred said flying isn't a problem. He said he doesn't like buildings. Bill said that Fred hates wind when you can feel a building sway. Fred said he does. Seth said Fred never had an office with a window. Fred said he feels it in his palms. He said there's a hallway on the perimeter of the building and he hates that. Howard said he thinks about it sometimes when he's at his apartment but he stops thinking about it because he has no plan. Howard asked Fred where he lives. Fred said he lives on the 4th floor of a building. He said it's nothing compared to being up there at SiriusXM. Gary said that Fred went down that hallway there once and he looked like he wanted to crawl on his knees. Fred said he really can't look out the window. He said he wonders why they design it that way. Howard asked about doing Seth's show and how that works. Fred said he takes the main elevator up and it's not a problem. He said it's only if he can see out the window.
Howard said the show is called Documentary Now! and it's on IFC. Seth told Howard that the guys talked to IFC about it before Bill and Fred even left Saturday Night Live. Bill told Howard about some of the stuff they did and how they didn't even have to improv because it was written so well. Howard asked if they have to include Lorne Michaels in everything. They said they do. Howard asked if he gives input. Bill said Lorne says he likes it. Howard said that guy has the best job. They all have to come back to him with their projects and he just says if he likes it and collects.
Howard said that he had a guy who wanted him to have half of his production company but he turned to him and said he would never feel comfortable making money off of his hard work. Howard said he told him to go and be well. Bill said he was an extra on Son of the Beach. Howard said he didn't know that. Bill said it was one of his first jobs. Howard said Bill has had some of the most fucking retarded shows.
Howard said that Bill also worked as a movie theater usher. Bill said he got fired for telling a sorority the ending of the movie. He said they were being mean to him so he just told them the whole ending.
Howard said he's excited for the guys. Howard said Bill Murray had a lot of nice things to say about the guys. Howard said he has a clip. Howard played a clip where Bill talked about Bill Hader being one of the best on Saturday Night Live. That was from an interview Howard did with Murray. Bill said that's pretty insane. He said he can retire now. Howard said it must be great doing that 40th anniversary show with everyone. Bill said that it was just cast members after the audience left and it was great with so many of the cast members talking. Howard said he doesn't think that there's any other show that has that level of talent for that long. Howard said it's all of the alumni showing up. Howard said he was invited to that but he said he didn't think he had any right being there. Howard said he didn't do Saturday Night Live but it was nice of Lorne to invite him. Howard said if you add up all of the money that thing has generated it's insane. Howard said it's nuts. He said it's a tribute to Lorne. He's picked so many great talents.
Howard said he has invited Lorne on the show but he can't do it so early. Howard said he sleeps in very late apparently. Bill said Lorne would be great on the show. Howard asked if they all texted him right now, who would get a response first. The guys said that's a good contest. Seth said they won't know for at last 3 hours. Bill said he thinks it would be Seth. Seth said they'd all have to write him and tell him the exact same thing at the exact same time.
Howard asked Bill about doing Trainwreck without Lorne. Bill said he's always very nice about that kind of stuff. He said he's more interested in how his life is going than anything else when he calls. Howard said that movie Inside Out is doing great too. Bill said it's insane. Howard asked if he gets a piece of the action. Bill said he doesn't. Howard said they all must be millionaires. Bill said he did Mr. Peanut and he has a nut allergy. He said that he said that on Howard's show and his agent told him to shut the fuck up about that.
Howard said Inside Out made $550 million. He said if he had a point on that he'd be making a ton. Bill said he doesn't have any points. Howard asked what the movie is about. Bill explained it to Howard and told him what character he played in it. He said it's about the voices in a girl's head. Howard asked about playing ''fear'' in an animated film and if it takes a day to do it. Bill said he recorded for 5 years. He said it was every other month. He said they constantly write and rewrite it. Howard said he figured that it was an iron clad script. Bill said he's not shocked by that. Howard said they should write a cartoon.
Howard said the four of them should write a cartoon and take Lorne out of the whole thing. Howard said he'll take the heat from Lorne and they'll make a ton of money. Seth said that Howard wont get nice Lorne next time he sees him. Fred said they have to get Gary in the movie. Howard did his Gary impression and had him playing a dog in the movie. Howard did his Lorne Michaels impression too.
Howard asked what Fred is going to play in the movie. Fred did a voice. He said he'll play ''David.'' Howard asked Bill if he has a character. Bill had one too. Seth said that he can do a British teacher voice too. They were all talking about doing this ''Gary the Dog'' cartoon. Howard said he can do the dog. Howard did a lame cartoon voice for the guys. They were all cracking up. Howard said he can do it.
Howard asked if Bill is in a Spielberg film. Bill said he's not starring in it but he is in it. Howard said he's very excited about this ''Documentary Now!'' show. Howard said it's very funny. Howard said he admires the idea for the show. Howard said it premieres August 20th on IFC.
Fred asked Howard about doing the news with Robin. He said it's very sad when he ends the show. He said that he'd like him to keep it going another half hour or hour. Howard said that's what's great about it. Howard said you want to leave people wanting more. Howard said people wanted Seth to do more news when he was on Saturday Night Live. Howard said you can't do The Californians for a half hour. Fred said he just loves the way it sounds. Howard said he's ready to rip his hair out by 11. He said he's woozy after this conversation and he has another 2 hours to go.
Howard asked Bill about going to Ireland and how tough that can be. Bill said that you eventually relax but in the moment it's tough. Bill said his agent had to tell him that his resting face should be a smile. He said he'd be looking over at Amy answering questions and he'd be frowning. He said that the questions were all the same from different people with different accents. Bill said that people were jealous that they got to go to Dublin.
Howard asked Seth who he has on his show tonight. Seth said that Bill will be on the show. Howard asked what he talks to him about. Seth said it's very loose. He said it's just whatever comes up. Howard asked if Bill has something planned. Bill said they're going to be playing tonight. He said their musical guest is Blue Jean Committee which is from Documentary Now!. Seth said when Fred writes music for the show he writes really good songs. Howard asked if they hope that their song ''Catalina Breeze'' becomes a hit. Bill said he did think about how great it would be if someone covered it.
Howard asked Seth if he knows what he'll talk to Bill about. Seth said they'll talk about Bill traveling and about how great it was to work together. Howard wrapped up with the guys and let them say a few final words. Howard had Bill and Fred doing their Ringo Starr ''Peace and Love'' stuff. Howard said that he'd love for Fred to come in and do a half hour Ringo Starr special. Fred said he thinks he could do that. Howard said maybe they could do a dueling Ringos thing. Bill did his impression of Paul McCartney and Howard Cracking up.
Howard said maybe Ringo could interview Paul McCartney. Fred said he thinks that they could do that. Seth said he thinks that Paul and Derek Jeter are the two most patient people. He said they have to listen to so many people talking about them. Seth said if he gets short with people he thinks that if they can remain calm then he should be able to.
Bill said he just said ''thank you'' to Paul McCartney. He said that he didn't have anything else to say. Howard asked if he fucked up his Paul McCartney moment. Bill said he did sort of. Fred said that he asked him about working with Harry Nilsson. He said that way it's not about him. Howard asked what Paul said about Harry. Fred said that he was paying attention on the outside. Howard said it would be great if Paul said that's the weirdest question ever.
Howard asked Seth what he said to Paul. Seth said he thinks that Paul knows how intimidating he is so he'll ask you questions. Seth said that Paul came over and asked if he was done for the night when he finished the Weekend Update. Bill said that Paul was playing harmonica for him and Paul Rudd. He said he was doing some old folk song. He said you're so nervous you don't join in. Howard asked if he wanted them to join in. Bill said it did seem that way. Howard said he'd love to read a book about what it's like behind the scenes with guests like that.
Seth said that everyone came out to see George Harrison play back when Al Franken were there. He said that Al Franken yelled out ''Keep it down out there! People are trying to work!'' and George stopped playing and that was it. He said it's a great joke but it stopped him from playing. Seth said that's a perfect Al Franken bit. Howard said he loved Franken on that show. He said they could talk all day. Seth was ready to do it. Howard said he likes talking with them. He said he kind of doesn't want to let go. Howard asked if this is really fun. Bill said it is and they should go as long as it takes until Lorne wakes up. He said that should be around 6pm.
Howard said Seth has never done a project without Lorne. Howard said Fred hasn't either. He said only Bill has done something outside of Lorne. Howard said he's going to get him some day.
Howard started to wrap up again and did more of his Ringo Starr impression doing the ''Peace and Love'' thing again. Howard asked if they were done. Howard said he's going to wait to see if they say anything. He figured they were done after that. Howard gave them more plugs for ''Documentary Now!'' and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview. Howard said he could have talked to them all morning. Robin said it didn't feel like there was a need to end it. The caller said the pace was fast and the stories were unbelievable. Howard said they're good dudes. Howard said Bill said it was the first time he's done his Lorne Michaels impression in public.
Howard said he wants to remind everyone about a couple of things. Howard said the 25th anniversary of Baba Booey is coming up on Friday night. Howard said on Labor Day they turn Howard 100 into Booey 100. He said it's nothing but Baba Booey song parodies for the whole day. Howard said it's the first time they've changed the name of the channel. Howard had a couple of song parodies playing behind him.
Howard said Michael Rapaport has such a thing with Baba Booey that he cut a song called Rapaport's Delight. Howard said he thinks it'll be up on HowardStern.com. Jason said it'll be up in 10 minutes. Howard said they made a video out of it. Howard played some of the song for Robin.
Howard said Beetlejuice cut a bunch of songs for a new album. Howard said he thinks there will be 13 songs. He played some of ''Beetle in the House'' and said that Quincy Jones produced that. Robin said she did not know that. Howard played another one from Beet called ''Don't Worry Be Beetle.'' Howard said he's got a hit and he doesn't even know it. Howard said all of the songs were cut in under a minute. Howard said some of them are filler. He said that he has ''Couple of Girls'' which is one of those fillers. Howard played that for Robin. Howard played Beet's ''All You Bastards'' too. Howard said he relies on profanity a lot. Howard said he has 2 or 3 that are fantastic. He said ''I'll See You In Hell'' is great. Howard said that's the hidden track on the album. Howard said that people keep asking when it'll be available. Howard said you'll know as soon as it is.
The caller, Chris, asked Howard about Hanzi and if he's worried about him going David Chapman on him. Howard said Hanzi's not that crazy. Howard asked Chris if he'd like to win $500 cash. Chris said he'd love to. Howard said he has an Evil Dave Pronunciation game and Yahoo Fantasy Football is sponsoring it. Howard said it's a yes or no answer. Howard asked if Evil David can pronounce the word ''Oblivious.'' Chris said no way to that. Howard said this is a practice question. Howard played his answer and Dave said ''Obnoxious.'' Howard said he's kind of dopey.
Howard said they asked Dave to say ''Heimlich Maneuver.'' Chris said he won't be able to say it. Howard played Dave's answer and he had it right. Howard said it's tricky. Howard said they asked Dave to say ''Voluptuous''. Chris said no way. Evil Dave got it right. Howard said he got another one wrong.
Howard said they asked Dave to say ''Etcetera.'' Chris said that he'll go with no again. Dave said ''El-cetra''. Next up was Cunnilingus. Chris stuck with no again. Howard played Dave saying ''Caniglus.''
Howard said that they gave Dave the word ''Clitoris'' so can he do it. Chris said that's a tough one. He said he's saying no again. Howard played the clip of Dave saying it correctly. Howard had to let Chris go. Howard said Chris didn't win the game. He had to let him go.
Howard had a new caller, Vince, on the line. Howard asked if he was ready to play. Vince said he is. Howard said they asked Dave to say the word ''Psychiatrist''. Vince said no way he'll get it. Dave said something not even close to Psychiatrist.
Howard said they asked Dave to say ''Serendipity.'' Vince said no way. Dave had a hard time and didn't get it right. Howard said they asked Dave to say ''Hypocrisy.'' Vince said no way. Howard played Dave saying it correctly and Vince got it wrong. He has two more chances to get it right. Howard said they asked Dave to say ''Ubiquitous'' so will he be able to say that. Vince laughed and said no way. Howard played Dave saying ''Uqiditors''. Howard said Vince won so he'll put him on hold. Vince asked where Jeff the drunk's fake girlfriend is. Howard said she must be in a suitcase. Howard wrapped up the game after that.
Howard had a few more to play. He had Dave trying to say more words. Robin was guessing and getting them right. Here are a few of the words and if Dave got them right or wrong:
Robin guessed them all right. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Jeff Goldblum did a song parody for them. He said it's called ''Accept My Veiny Girth.'' Howard played the song and they had a guy doing a Jeff Goldblum impression singing the song. Howard said that's fantastic.
Howard said the radio business was scary when he started out. He said people would go on vacation and they'd get fired. Howard said he's reading about The View and this woman was hired to be the conservative voice on the show to replace Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Howard said her name is Nicole Wallace. Howard said she describes that she got fired and she didn't even know. Howard said she says she never got a note about anything she did on the show. Howard said she learned that she was being fired from Variety Magazine. Howard said you'd think she'd be entitled to know that things weren't working. Howard said she claims she never got a note from anyone about anything during her time there. Howard read some of what she was saying about working there and how it was like being invisible.
Howard said he read about how Brian Williams' suspension is over now. Howard said he had to take a minute to think about what he did wrong. Howard said he forgot that he lied. Howard said he was off his radar. Howard said he will be on MSNBC as an anchorman. Howard said that's the story.
Howard said The View story was interesting. He said that it's like the opposite of what goes on there. He said he critiques everyone there but never fires them.
Howard said he was reading about presidential slogans. He said the slogans are like ''Make America Great Again'' with Donald Trump. Howard said that's okay. Howard said Hillary's is ''This Starts With You.'' Howard said he doesn't like that one. Howard said that will make him not vote for her. Howard said he doesn't want more work. Howard said Bernie Sanders has ''A Political Revolution is Coming.'' Howard said it's not. Howard said Jeb Bush's is ''Onward Jeb!'' Howard said Ben Carson is ''Heal. Inspire. Revive.'' Howard said that's an odd one. Chris Christie has ''Lets Get To Work.'' Howard said he's already working. Howard said he's going to vote. Howard went through a few more like Ted Cruz who had a long one. Howard said it should be shorter like ''See ya later Abortions if you elect me.'' Howard said that Carly Fiorina has ''New Possibilities. New Leadership'' or something like that. Howard said she has some reasonable ideas but she seems like she's so fucking unfun. Howard said she makes Hillary Clinton look like a party girl.
Howard said that Lindsay Graham's is ''Ready to be Commander in Chief on Day 1.'' Howard said that's everyone. Howard went through a few more. Howard read Bobby Jindal's which was ''Tanned, Rested and Ready.'' Howard said that sounds like a joke. He said that can't be it. Howard went through a few others. Some were pretty long. Howard said he doesn't really care about these.
Howard said that they put a montage of the candidates trying to remind people how normal they are. This was from the debate. Howard played the clip of the candidates talking about what makes them the regular guy. Howard said they have to say they're such a regular guy. Howard goofed on some of the comments and made up even wackier stuff of his own.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there has been one debate for the republicans so far. He said the democrats have nothing so far. He asked why he supports Hillary. Howard said he thinks she did a good job as Secretary of State. The caller asked if he really believes that. Howard said he really doesn't want to get into this. He told the guy to vote for whoever he wants. Howard said he'll evaluate the nominees when they're picked. Howard said he hates when people argue politics. He said it's so boring to him.
Howard said he likes people who are for gay rights. He said he can't get past the social rights thing. Howard said some guys have good ideas but then they start talking about some of this shit and he can't look past it. Howard said he hates to be a one issue guy but he has to. They talked about how Mick Huckabee is against an 11 year old getting an abortion after she was raped. Howard said that guy would be against abortion even if they knew the baby was going to be a retarded killing machine. Howard said you sound like an idiot.
Howard said they have to listen to a Baba Booey or two and get to the news. Howard said maybe he'll wait until tomorrow to play them. He said he has to get to the news. It was getting late. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard played Robin into her news with a song parody. Howard asked if Anthony is allowed to listen to that kind of stuff. Anthony said he's 23 years old so he listens. Howard talked to him about where he went to college which was East Carolina. Howard had never heard of that. Howard said he knew a guy who went there and he studied how to live with your mother the rest of your life.
Howard had Robin start her news. Robin started off with a story about the death of Morgan Freeman's granddaughter. Robin said it appears that it was an attempted exorcism by her ex-boyfriend. Robin said she was stabbed to death near her apartment over the weekend. Robin said that the boyfriend was screaming ''Get out devils!'' as he was stabbing her. Howard said this guy is going to live the rest of his life in a mental hospital. Robin said they say he had a history of abusing alcohol. Robin said that the family released a statement about her. Howard said religion is great. He said you get all of that wacky stuff out of it. Robin said in the wrong hands it can be a dangerous weapon.
Robin read a story about a Vietnam vet who fought off a bear attack. Howard said people who went to Nam are trained to fight off anything like that. Howard said when he was in Nam he trained on 3 bears. Robin said this man was attacked on his front porch a few weeks ago. Robin said because of the weather they are having problems with the bears looking for food and water. Howard said he was in basic training and he had to wrestle a shark. He said he had to fight many types of fish. He had a sword fight with a swordfish. Robin had a clip of a park official talking about the attack. Howard said he doesn't like talking about this stuff but he killed a bear and slept in it for 3 months. Howard said he executed the bear and got inside and used it as a sleeping bag. He said his guts kept him warm. Howard said he fought a whale and threw a grenade down his blow hole. Robin read more about what this vet did to get away from the bear. Robin said his barking dog was creating a distraction. Robin said he drove himself to the hospital.
Robin read a story about the Milwaukee Brewers having a player who has come out of the closet. Robin had some audio of a team mate talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with him on abortion when it comes to rape and things like that. He said that the problem is that people should be using protection. Howard asked what if the condom breaks? He said we have to cut the bullshit. Howard said some of these religious nuts are against sex education too. The caller said he does agree with Howard on some of that but not everything. Howard let the guy go after that. Robin said she was reading about what Mike Huckabee was saying about abortion on a show over the weekend. Howard said he wishes that Huckabee could get raped and get pregnant. She had some audio clips from that show. Howard said he's for late term abortion right up until the 9th month.
Robin said she thinks that Trump really wants to run for President. Howard said he still doesn't think he does. Robin said he just keeps getting more and more popular. Robin said that some republicans are saying he's not conservative enough though. Robin had some audio of Trump defending that.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone was making a lot of noise. Howard said he must be creating a monster like Frankenstein. Howard gave up and did a live commercial read when the guy didn't answer.
Howard asked Anthony and Mary if they were having fun. They were. Howard asked if Mary is married. She said she just got a divorce. She said he left her. Howard asked if he has a girlfriend. She said he does. She said that's been since March. Howard asked if it would be weird for Anthony to see her mom with a guy. He said no but then said it would be weird if he slept over. Howard said she's a good looking woman. Howard said she'll find someone. She said that he was a good man and he didn't ask for Alimony or anything. She said he's a retired police officer. Howard said maybe he can hook her up with John Stamos or Orlando Bloom. Robin said that Orlando is for her. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Mary about her divorce and all of that.
Howard made the mistake of asking Benjy if he wanted to go out with Mary. Benjy said no because he's in a relationship. Robin said she didn't want to hear it. Howard didn't either. He turned off Benjy's mic.
Howard asked Mary if she smokes weed. She said not now. Howard asked if Anthony does. He said no. Howard said he used to. He said he acted like an asshole so he had to stop. He said he gets all paranoid because he's a pussy. He said he's doing coffee now. Robin said you'd think Howard was drinking Meth.
Robin got back to her news and read about Trump saying he's pro-life but he's not against all abortions. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he knows Trump believes in abortion. Robin said when Marla Maples became pregnant she asked him if he was using protection and he said yes. Robin said he didn't know how she got pregnant. He went ahead with it though. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how we have to get all illegal immigrants out of this country. Robin said there's some speculation that Trump was trying to hook up with Princess Diana. Robin said that they say that Trump gave her the creeps though.
Howard said that someone is complaining that they think the Beetlejuice songs are done by an impersonator. Howard said they're done by the real Beet. Howard said that is not an imitator. Howard said someone suggested making Bobo's ban even longer. They think that it's been nice without him calling in. Robin said she bets that Ralph hasn't contacted him once.
Howard read some email about the number of Starbucks mentions he did last week. Howard said this is his show and he'll talk about Starbucks if he's drinking it. Howard said they are not a sponsor. He said he was just talking about what was going on that day. Howard said someone really loves the clips of Robin saying ''I'm gonna poop!'' and ''I'm going to squirt!'' Fred played them a few times. Howard said he has a new phony phone call that Chris Wilding made to a radio show using clips of Robin saying that she loves him. He played that for Robin. Chris had her telling the host that she loves him and asking if he wanted her to lick his cock and things like that. Howard goofed on that guy for a short time after hearing that radio guy voice he was doing. Howard said you have to lose that voice. He said if you have a great caller like Robin you don't hang up. He said he has a bunch of suggestions on how to improve. Howard said that laugh of his was really fake. Howard said he loves guys who laugh in that deep voice. Howard said he may have to hear that call again. He replayed the call. He did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of a Dr. Ben Carson talking about the experimenting on fetal tissue thing. Howard said they're trying to come up with cures for diseases and cancer and things. Howard said that if they do come up with a cure for these things then the anti-abortion people shouldn't be allowed to be cured.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton and the email scandal. Howard read some more email after that. He had some feedback about Jeff the Drunk's Lump. Howard said they think that it's genius. Howard said there's lots of praise for Sour Shoes too. Howard read through some of that and someone referred to Gilbert Gottfried as being in the Wack Pack. Howard said he didn't know Gilbert was in the Wack Pack. Howard said someone says that Robin is very catty about the FOX News women. Robin said she went after Megyn Kelly's false eyelashes.
Robin said they say that the use of heroin is going up. Robin said they are talking about how to work at stopping the problem. Robin said they're saying that Coco the Gorilla may be able to speak. Robin said it's like the Planet of the Apes thing. Robin said they believe that the gorilla may be able to form actual words. Howard said they're saying that she may be the next Bachelorette. He said this doesn't mean that they're going to take over the planet though.
Robin read about 3 more women who came out claiming to have been raped by Bill Cosby. Howard said that story has to be the biggest story of the year. Howard said he's a serial rapist. Howard joked that Coco the Gorilla had been raped by Cosby too.
Howard said he has a Cosby game. Gary came in and said that they have 49 as the number of Cosby accusers. Gary asked Robin if there are more African countries or Cosby accusers. Robin said African Countries. She was right. There were 54. Gary asked a few questions like ''Are there more Shakespeare plays or Cosby accusers. More Cosby was the right answer. More people signed the Declaration of Independence than there are accusers. There were less rides at Disneyland than accusers. Howard thanked him for the game and kicked him out.
Howard had some audio of one of the Cosby accusers talking about what Cosby allegedly did to her. She got into detail about Cosby sticking his penis in her mouth and cumming all over her face, hair and clothes. Howard said that is disturbing. He said there are so many accusers that they could form their own league in the NBA. Howard said this guy was on a mad tear. Howard said imagine the people who aren't coming forward. That led to Howard doing his Cosby's Driver bit that he was doing last week. Howard and Robin tried that out for a couple of minutes.
Robin read a story about how Disneyland and Disney World are going to be adding Star Wars to their theme parks. Howard said he liked Star Wars but he's not an asshole about it. Robin said there was a guy she read about who dressed in a Stormtrooper outfit and ran across the country. Robin read more about the new Star Wars attractions. Cosby's Driver chimed in on that story too.
Robin read a story about the Straight Outta Compton movie going to number 1 at the box office this weekend. Robin said it was the biggest R-rated, August movie opening since American Pie. Gary said he thinks Howard would like the movie. Robin read about how The Man from U.N.C.L.E. came in third at the box office. Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation was number 2. Cosby's Driver had a few more things to add about Gary during that conversation. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Jon asked Paul about where he would put Sour on his talent level. Paul said he loves Yucko but he wants to put sour on some show, any show, where he can do all of the characters. He said he's like the Mel Blanc of the Stern Show. Jon said that embedded series is worth listening to.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. After that he asked Rahsaan about the poll today. Rahsaan they're asking ''Which Bit That Never Made the Air Are You Most Eager to Hear?'' and the choices were:
Jon asked Paul about having bits like that which can never come out. Paul said that you do it and sometimes it doesn't work the way you expect it to. He said sometimes the idea is funnier than the bit. Jon said sometimes the title is all you need. Jon said he has a long list of bits that Sal and Richard never got on the air. Paul said he wants to hear the phone calls that they can't air. He said he's sure they're funny. Paul said they have come up with sketches that sounded like they'd be funny and they just weren't good.
Jon said when Sal gets someone to consent to a call then you hear the charm. Paul asked if they have that audio to play. He said he'd love to hear that. Jon said they should pitch that idea. Paul said he's not sure how you calm someone down after getting them so worked up that they're ready to kill you. They went to break after that.
Jon said he could tell that Fred is a big Howard fan. He said he's willing to do a lot for them including coming to the 36th floor to visit. Gary said they were talking about Fred's impressions and how they got into the intricacies of the whole accent thing.
Jon said Howard was jumping around a lot trying to come up with ideas for movies. Paul said they're big fan's of Howard's and they're also super talents. He said they're ready to go. Gary said it felt like they weren't even there to promote. Gary said that the show they were promoting probably isn't a money maker. He said they all have other jobs and they're not doing it for more work. He said it's like a passion project. Paul said that it's about making good content and not making a ton of money. Jon said he wants to watch the show now that he heard them promoting it there. He said it sounds like an interesting thing.
Jon said the other thing he noticed was the power of Lorne. He said that he gets why Seth and Fred stick with Lorne. He said he's backing all of these independent things so why would you want to leave. Gary said they were all goofing on Lorne up to a point but then they held back. Gary said you have to watch what you're goofing on. Paul said it's the same with the guys there goofing on Howard.
Jon took a call from a guy who congratulated Gary on his anniversary. He said that his first question is about that. He asked when Gary realized that it was part of something really big. Gary said he started on the show and when they picked up L.A. as an affiliate that's when he knew it was a big thing. Gary said people thought it wasn't going to work out there but they went to number 1 so quickly. He said that was the tipping point for him. Paul said now they have a day of songs dedicated to Gary. Gary said it's almost 24 hours of songs. Gary said they may be debuting new songs that day too.
Jon asked Gary when he felt like he knew he was well known. Gary said he was on the Channel 9 show and he thought he was going to be recognized. He said it didn't happen for months. Gary said he thought it would be the next day.
Paul asked when Gary hit the tipping point of being recognized. He said he remembers seeing Gary at Letterman once and people were screaming his name. Gary said after being at channel 9 for a year it started. He said the E! show helped with that too.
The caller said Gary mentioned the L.A. thing and he wonders if he ever had a moment when he thought he was in over his head. Gary said he feels that the show was just made for him. He said he thinks that he fit in pretty well.
Paul asked if being on Letterman was huge for him. Gary said it was. He said that he never thought he'd be booked on Letterman. He said he got booked and he called Rob Burnett and he told him that he had been on the show for 33 years so he figured he had plenty of good stories to tell. Gary said he told Rob he'd take that. They went to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Michael Rapaport's rap went under the radar today. Jon asked Gary if he was impressed with that rap. Gary said it was adequate white boy rap. He said it was better than Sal or Jon Leiberman. Jon said that Leiberman can't rap but Sal does it in a funny way.
Paul said the one memory he has of Michael Rapaport is when he saw him outside of a massage place. He said Michael was on the phone outside the place and it was the least relaxing massage he's ever had. He said he was at full volume on the phone out there.
The caller asked if Rapaport would take the Artie seat if it were offered to him. Gary said he thinks anyone would take it. He said he doesn't think the seat is being offered. Paul asked if that would be tough to take. Gary said of course it would. He said it might last a day and a half. Jon said that it might last one show. Paul said maybe one hour.
Gary asked who is harder to control, Sour Shoes or Rapaport. Paul said that one of them doesn't try to bring in a trampoline.
Jon said Howard talked about the Howie Mandel feud rumors being false. Gary said there are stories out there that hit the tabloids and they tend to believe everything in them except shit about Howard. Gary said that they still believe everything else in there is true.
Paul said he believes everything in the National Enquirer is true. Gary said that a lot of the OJ Simpson stuff came from them. He said they broke the Monica Lewinsky stories too so they do have some stories that are true.
Jon asked Rahsaan about the results of the poll today. Rahsaan said that there was a three way tie for third place. They had the GILF contest, the Heaviest Load and Hottest Hoarder in third place. Eating Will's Wife's Placenta came in second and in first place was doing the show on Ambien. The guys spent a minute talking about that and then wrapped up. Jon got in some plugs and then ended the show around Noon.
Howard started the show talking about just finishing his coffee. He said he's shot out of a canon. Robin said she's just starting her's. Howard asked Fred if he's doing okay. Fred said yeah. Howard asked fake Benjy how he's doing. Fred did his Benjy impression for a second. Howard asked real Benjy how much weight he's lost. Benjy said 60 or 70. Howard said Beth said he looks skinny. Howard said he didn't think so but he has lost a lot of weight.
Howard said Angry Alice left a voice mail about Benjy and he thought it was funny. He said that when you meet people who were heavy for a long time they wonder how they lost the weight. Howard said they think there's some secret to it. Howard asked JD where the clip is. He told him and Howard and Fred did their JD impressions. Howard said that was clear as a bell to him.
Howard played the Angry Alice clip and Alice was asking how Benjy lost his weight because she's tired of being fat. Alice said she agrees with Donald Trump about this country and how it's turning into a toilet.
Howard said people are telling him that they agree with Trump about putting a wall up. Howard said Alice is one of them. Howard said Benjy ate less and exercised more. He said that's the secret. That's it. Benjy said he ate rocks. Howard said he also dated a girl who wouldn't fuck him for 2 years. Robin said they're not talking about that. Howard said that's motivation. Robin said she doesn't want to get drawn into that again. Robin said as far as she's concerned he's single. Benjy said he is not. Robin said she thinks Benjy is gay. Howard said Benjy lost his weight by cutting his huge tubs of lettuce in half. Howard said he ate like a cow.
Howard played a clip of Elephant Boy introducing their special guest today. They had him introducing Howard and Robin and also saying they have Stephen Colbert coming in today. Robin said they finally have an announcer for the show. Howard said if he had a late night show he'd have to amp it up. He played another clip of what it might sound like if he had a late night show.
Robin said that she did a story about Lassie being a girl but it was a girl dog played by a boy. Howard said he was doing his Bill Cosby's Driver thing during that story. Howard said he figured out how to do the voice while Robin is talking without her getting the voice modulation. Howard and Robin were able to have a conversation while Howard's voice was modulated. Howard was doing the Cosby's Driver voice saying that he's disguised because he's embarrassed to have been his limo driver. Robin was talking to him as if he were really the driver and Howard had to remind her that it's actually Howard just testing the microphone.
Howard said that Mr. Cosby wants to know if she's interested in taking a drive to an audition. Robin said she would love to do that because she thinks she can handle Mr. Cosby.
Cosby's Driver said that Howard is coming back in the room now. Howard got back on the microphone. He said that Chris Wilding took his Mr. Cosby clips and made a prank call. Howard said he and Ralph listened to it 5 times and it was cracking them up. Howard said when Cosby's Driver is on the air you have to turn up the volume to hear it. He said it's kind of hard to hear. Howard played the call and Chris called this radio show and told the host that he had this former limo driver ready to talk to him. He played clips of Howard doing the Cosby's Driver voice and telling the host about what he did. The host of this religious radio show was saying that Jesus loves him and things like that. Chris pulled some funny clips of Howard saying some wild stuff and the host just went with it.
Howard said they should just play that over and over again. Howard said they say that Cosby's Driver is going to be on Dancing with the Stars this season. Howard said he'll have to wear a mask. Robin said the last thing he wants is people to know who he is. Howard said he has Lassie on the phone. He picked up and asked if he got ass fucked by Cosby. The guys in the back had the dog barking once or twice to answer Howard's questions. They had the dog growling when Howard asked about getting ass fucked. Howard asked about that and found out that he was drugged with a dog treat. Howard asked if he was spayed while he was under. Lassie growled and barked. Howard asked if he would save Mr. Cosby if he fell into a well. Lassie barked once for yes. Robin said he's a great dog. Howard told Lassie to bark twice for that. Howard asked if there's still jizz in his fur. Lassie growled. Howard hung up on Lassie after that. Howard told him to call back and pay attention to what he's saying.
Howard picked up on Lassie again. Lassie's bark could barely be heard for a second. Howard asked if Cosby had a big penis. Lassie barked for each inch he had. Lassie kept barking up to about 18 inches. Howard told Sal to pay attention to what he's saying. Howard asked if Cosby ever asked him to shit on his chest. Lassie barked once for yes. Howard said this might be a new character on the show. Howard asked if he wants to be Wack Pack. Lassie barked yes. Howard said even when Sal is playing Lassie he's a moron. Howard told Sal to get on the phone. Sal said he thought the inches would be funny. Howard said 12 would have been funny. Sal said they were going to go to 12 but then the guys back there agreed it would be funny to keep going. Howard told Lassie to get back on the phone but then he just hung up on Sal and Lassie and went to break.
Howard said Flavor Flav can pull off wearing a clock around his neck. Howard said JD was so afraid of the black crowds at ''Straight Outta Compton'' that he went during the middle of the day to see it. JD said he's afraid to go anywhere in public. Howard said he was scared. JD said it's not just black people. He said there are a lot of assholes that like hip hop that were going to see the movie. JD said there were a lot of kids talking loud with each other at the movie. He said they're laughing when Eazy E was about to die. He said he would have said something but he didn't want to get into it. Howard asked what he did. JD said he just sat there. Howard asked if he fantasized about being a bigger guy and saying something. JD said here were bigger guys there who didn't say anything.
Howard said Sal wanted to see the movie but he's too afraid to go. JD said it was a good movie. He said he would recommend it. Howard said he didn't watch it because he didn't think he'd be that interested in it. Howard said he has it on that box thing he has at home.
Sal came in and said that he wanted to see the movie. He said he grew up around a lot of African American people in Bay Shore. Howard said Sal wants the audience to all be like Ben Carson. Howard told Sal to get out before he gets horribly racist. Sal said he's going to wait for it to come out on video before he sees it.
Howard said Sal is a beaten man. Howard asked when he last had sex with his wife. Sal said he's just being respectful to her. He said it was recent and it was good. Howard asked when he started being respectful. Sal said that he realized he's an idiot so that's when. Howard said he heard Sal went on vacation and he didn't have sex at all. Sal said there were 5 of them in the same room. He said they went camping and they had all 5 of them in the same tent too. Howard asked if Sal beat off in the hotel bathroom twice a day. Sal said he did it a few times but not twice a day. Howard said he can go be a good dad if he beats off. Howard said he gets that.
Robin asked why he'd leave his home to go live in the same room with 5 people. Sal said he wanted to do something nice for the wife and kids. Robin said they could have done a day trip.
Howard said Sal took his wife out to the Billy Joel concert and didn't get laid. Sal said they were both very tired. Howard said he keeps up on this stuff. Howard said he blabs to everyone in the halls but then he changes his story in there. Gary said he told them all in the hall about these things. Gary said Sal is giving him shit and he doesn't have to take it. He said Sal makes fun of him and he has to take it and now Sal can't take it.
Gary said Sal is afraid of his wife. Sal said he is not. Gary said he is too. He said Sal is always talking about this stuff in the halls and now he won't talk about it on the air. Howard said Sal's wife is so hot and he should be fucking her every night. Sal said maybe he doesn't want to. Gary said he does too. Sal said he has him there. Howard asked if he ever fantasizes about it. Sal said he does. Howard asked Gary why he's so angry. Gary said Sal always turns on him. He said Sal dances around in that Gary mask and if he turns it on Sal then he gets angry. Howard said Gary was on to something when he mentioned that he has to be told certain things to know what's right. Gary said it happens a lot.
Gary told Sal to go fuck himself since that's what he seems to be doing lately. Sal said he'd like to fuck Gary's lips since it looks like a smelly pussy. Gary and Sal went back and forth for a few more seconds before Howard kicked Sal out of the studio.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked how you can be with your wife and not fuck her. Howard said it's complicated for Sal. King asked if Howard goes to see black movies with a black cast. Howard said he doesn't really go to movies. He said for the most part he doesn't go to movies. He said he didn't care about Straight Outta Compton so he didn't watch it. Howard said he didn't think that much about NWA. He said that's not his thing. King said maybe it's a psychological thing and it's too many black people on the screen. Howard said he likes black people. He told him to stop it. King of All Blacks started to ask another question but his phone cut out so Howard hung up on him.
Howard said Jesse Ventura was kind of trashing him. He said he was on some show talking about running for President. Howard said Jesse was saying that Howard Stern is getting soft. Howard said Jesse thinks that he would have run years ago. He said Jesse said he's changed and he's gotten soft. Howard said he finally gets interviewed about him and now he's bad mouthing him. Howard said just because he doesn't want to run for Vice President doesn't mean he's gotten soft. Howard said he has a career. Howard said he might have the clip. He found it and played it. In the clip Jesse was saying that Howard turned him down and he thought maybe he sold out because he's making big money at NBC. Howard said it doesn't mean he sold out. He said he has a job. Jesse said he's not sure that the Howard of today is the Howard of old. Howard said he thought Jesse was his friend. He said now he's fucking him over. Howard said he's a traitor. Robin said Howard is being very sensitive. Howard said that's the whole show.
Howard got back to the Chris Wilding call. He played the clip of the religious host taking the call from Chris. Chris said that his family were in a car accident. He played clips of Sal yelling about his cock being gone. They hung up on him after he said his cock was gone. They took another call and Chris played the same clip again. The host said it sounds like he's trying to be a Jeff Foxworthy type of comic.
Howard said he had to take a break after that. Fred played a clip of Sal rapping about John Gotti being framed. Howard said don't get him started on this shit. Howard said it's a horrible thought and song. Howard asked if Sal is retarded. He said he's Straight Outta Bullshit. Howard asked Sal if his father told him John Gotti was framed. Sal said he thinks he's more embarrassed by this song than he was about his makeup. Sal said when he was 16 his father sat him down and told him to rap about their people. He said that's how he wrote the song. He said the group was called The Pizza Connection. He said it's just bad. Howard said it shows his evolution from an idiot to a moron. Howard told Sal to get out.
Howard said Ralph has an update on Bobo. Howard got Ralph on the phone and Ralph said he likes Trump's ideas and he wants that wall to go up.
Ralph said that there is nothing to report about Bobo. He said he has no infractions at all as far as he knows. Shuli came in and said that Ralph hasn't done anything. He said he was supposed to contact him. Ralph said Bobo is supposed to be ignored. Shuli said he was supposed to keep in touch with Bobo. Howard said Ralph has to do something. Shuli said he was trying to get some stuff done but he can't because Bobo is afraid to talk to him. Shuli said he wants to know if Bobo has contacted anyone from the show or any fans. He said that he'd like to know if he's been in contact with anyone from General Hospital. Howard said he's the moron because he let Ralph be in charge of this. Ralph said the only problem is Mariann and Shuli. Howard said Ralph is angry with Shuli for pointing out that he isn't doing his job. Howard said he was supposed to spot check him. Ralph said the more you talk about him the more it encourages him. Shuli said it's content for the show. Howard said Ralph doesn't know anything because he hasn't contacted Bobo.
Ralph said that a criminal isn't going to say they robbed a bank. Howard said he should be checking in with them. Shuli said that you can get Bobo to admit to stuff by tricking him. Shuli said he thought the end of the world was happening in the studio. He said he's not the brightest guy. Shuli said this is classic Ralph. He said he says he's going to do something and 3 months later he hasn't done it.
Howard asked when Bobo last tweeted. Ralph didn't know. Shuli said he knows. Shuli said he also knows that Bobo was in town. Ralph didn't know. Ralph said he does his best.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn has a bone to pick with Ralph. Mariann said that she's been waiting for an update. She said she's Bobo's oxygen. Ralph said she should cut everything off with Bobo. Shuli said they had an idea for Bobo. He said anyone who was in contact with him could send them some of his text messages. He said if they know what's going on in his head it would be funny. Ralph said he doesn't want to know. Shuli said he knows that. He said he shouldn't have volunteered for the job.
Mariann mentioned America's Got Talent so they spent a little time talking about that. Mariann was talking behind them as they continued their conversation. Shuli said that Mariann could have provided a lot of content while Bobo is suspended. Howard said they were supposed to be off next week but he added two shows in so Bobo could come back early. Howard said that people are so happy that Bobo hasn't been on.
Mariann asked if Howard is doing the show tomorrow. Howard said they're off tomorrow but he'll be in next week. He said they only have 4 more weeks of live America's Got Talent shows. Howard said he has to be done with America's Got Talent. He said they want him there early today. He said he has meetings after the radio show to prepare for the show and they say they need him as soon as possible. Howard said he has another job. He said they don't get it. Mariann said that Heidi had her hands all over Howard last week. Howard said she did not. Howard said he really doesn't need this. He hung up on Mariann.
Howard said he saw Medicated Pete there at America's Got Talent. He said he saw Jeff the Drunk and he wasn't recognizable. He said he looks like someone who was bitten by the vampires in The Strain. Howard said he kept waving at him and didn't know it was Jeff. He said he saw Mariann there though. He said he didn't see High Pitch. Shuli asked how he could miss him.
Howard said High Pitch was at IHOP last night and he did a Periscope there. Howard said he was eating French toast with syrup on it and it looked like he was going to shoot white stuff out of his penis. Howard said he was just about cumming from his French toast. Howard played some audio from that Periscope. Howard said it's disgusting to see him eating that. Howard said if you have that much butter on there you don't put syrup on it. Howard said it looked so disgusting.
Ralph said imagine being seen with him at a restaurant. Howard said he's got to drop dead soon. He said he'd feel sorry for him because he's too dopey to know any better. Ralph said he's smart enough to know what he's doing. Shuli said that he heard that they'll go to a baseball game and turn around until someone recognizes him. Then if someone does see him he'll tell them to come down and buy them some beer.
Howard said he has some audio of Matt Jacobs doing his Jon Leiberman impression talking to High Pitch Eric. He played that and Matt does amazing impressions of both Jon Leiberman and High Pitch Eric. He had Eric talking about what he wants to eat and how he'll get it from the fans. Howard let Ralph go. Shuli congratulated him on doing nothing. Howard played him out with the Ralphie Cakes song from Mike Morse.
Howard said he took more toilet paper and put it on the floor. He said he was scrubbing the floor with his shoe. He said then it was stuck to his shoe. He said then he put it on the rim of the toilet and wiped that down. Howard said he didn't touch it with his hands. He used his shoe. Howard said he should just use a catheter. Howard said he flushed with his shoe so he didn't have to touch anything. Howard said then he had to wash up. He said he talked out and gave Robin the look. He said that's why.
Robin said it sounds like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Robin said Larry shot his pee on a picture of Christ and the people in the house thought the picture was crying.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Ralph helping him dress and all of that. Howard said he came out of America's Got Talent one day and he wanted to hang his pants on a hanger. He said all he needed was a hanger and told Ralph that. He said he was looking for Ralph and wasn't able to find him. He said Ralph was busy at the Craft Services table. He said he got sick eating there. Howard said Ralph rode home on his bike to get Pepto Bismol. Howard said all he wanted was a hanger but he had no hanger. He said he gets annoyed with Ralph but he is good. Howard said Ralph is all over the Craft Services. He said he uses it like it's a benefit of working for him. The caller asked about the John Varvatos clothes and if Ralph works with John. Howard said they do work together. Howard said it's John Varvatos clothing and he's a big fan.
Gary came in and said that Jason just told him a story about Ralph. He said Jason told him that Artie took them all out to lunch once and Ralph showed up late and took his order to go. Artie still paid for it. Howard said they call Ralph ''crafty'' because he's always at Craft Services. Robin said she doesn't get why he was sick and had to go home. Robin said that sounds fishy to her. Howard said he claims he got ill from food poisoning. Robin said that's why he's back at Craft Services. Howard said that's not going to stop him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he'll lever write another book. Howard said no way. He said maybe some day but he has two standing offers for a book and he's not going to do it. Howard said he has a folder full of stuff that he could turn into a book but he's trying to slow down and not speed up. Howard said he was offered a movie role too. He said he's not sure he wants to do that.
Howard said Beth has another book coming out this Christmas. Howard said it's a follow up to the Yoda book. Howard said it will have Buddy the blind cat in it. Howard said they have six cats and all of the fosters so it's more like 15. He said sometimes he's in charge of the cats and he is very neurotic about it. He said he has to give them water and clean their pans. He said it's a lot of work. He said Beth is exhausted when she's done with her day.
Howard picked up on Ralph again. Ralph said they had an hour break. He said he was like 5 minutes away so he biked home and got his stuff. Howard said he thought it was funny that he ran home to get Pepto Bismol. Ralph said it was actually Kaopectate. Ralph said Howard is the one who is always complaining. Howard said fuck you and told him to get off his phone. Ralph gave him a fuck you too.
Howard said that he has to analyze this. Howard said her name is Lauren Gawthrop. Howard said you can tell she's stuck in Lexington. Howard said she has no mind of her own to say what she really wants to say. Howard said he's been with the same woman he's been with for 16 years. He said he was with his other wife for 25 years. Howard said he'd like to know what her background is.
Howard said that he's allowed to be friends with good looking people. He said this woman is trying to say that he's gross. Howard said that he's been divorced and he got married again in a 16 year relationship. Howard said that he's a real womanizer. Howard said this is so stupid. He said he has no idea what she's trying to say. Howard read her resume and saw that she returned to Lexington and that's as far as she's going. Howard said she's not going to make it to New York or Los Angeles. Howard said maybe she even got the boot from Lexington and came back.
Howard said that he'd like to know what her SAT requirements are for the university of Kentucky. Howard said no wonder she can't adlib. Howard said he's not even angry. He said he's just wondering what kind of comment that was about having a divorced person speak at your wedding. Robin said the whole point is having friends speak at your wedding. Howard said he loves Justin and Jen. He said that he loves Jimmy Kimmel and Molly and they all go away and hang out on vacation.
Howard read more about Lauren and they said that she enjoys cooking. Howard said it's obvious because she obviously eats a lot. Howard said they say she enjoys being outdoors and reading. Howard said she must be reading a cookbook while listening to music.
Howard said she must enjoy shitting as well as cooking and eating. Howard read more about what she does and told her to just do him a favor and shut up.
Howard replayed the clip of Lauren wondering why they'd have him speaking at their wedding. Howard said her brain is going. Howard said this is her big moment to shine off script and this is what she says. Howard said she says she takes Howard for what he's worth and enjoys that. Howard said it makes no sense. Then she brings up the ''very public divorce'' and all of the women he went through. Howard said he thinks some guy must have fucked her brains out, literally. Howard said that she has 527 Twitter followers and she's verified. Howard said he wants an investigation into that. Howard asked JD how many followers he has. JD said he has like 220,000 something. Howard said it's impossible to only have 527 followers. Howard said he knows people who have regular jobs that have more followers. Howard played more audio and Robin pointed out that Howard didn't say anything about the wedding before it happened.
Howard said Wack Packers get really excited about their birthdays. He said he's not sure why. Howard said Shuli did try calling her but he wasn't able to get her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has a story about abortion and why it needs to be legal. The caller said that too many callers don't get that it should be legal. Howard said he was speaking to a doctor recently about working for planned parenthood and they did very few abortions. Howard said that's the best thing to have in this country. He said women and men need it. Howard said this doctor was afraid of getting blown up so he had to quit. He said that's just not right.
The caller told Howard that his wife was pregnant and the baby had a problem with it's skull. He said they say the baby can live like that for 9 months. The caller said his wife would have been forced to carry ad baby that would be stillborn. He said that's why abortion should be legal. Howard said he knows. He said this is why he's for Hillary Clinton. Robin said he has that email thing going on though. Howard said she's got 99 problems but that email ain't one. He said the whole thing is being fabricated. He said there is nothing to be found there. Howard said it's bullshit. Howard said it's nonsense.
The caller asked if Howard ever lays in bed at night what will happen to JD when he retires. Howard said he doesn't worry. He said he does think about JD but he doesn't lay in bed worrying. Howard said who knows what's going to happen to anybody.
Howard said he has to take a break before Stephen Colbert comes in. He said that he has audio of Janay Rice talking about how she doesn't think that her husband, Ray Rice, is a wife beater. Howard played the clip and she says that it pisses her off that people call her husband a wife beater. She said that had never happened before. Howard said it looks like he was pretty calm when it happened. He said it looks like something that he was used to. Janay claims that it was a one time thing and he's not a wife beater. She said that he has done everything he needed to do to redeem himself. Howard said he's an excellent snuggler when he's not knocking her out. Howard said maybe he hit her so hard that she's loopy.
Gary told Howard that the woman, Lauren, just tweeted about Howard. She said she's been a fan for years and she meant no offense. Howard said he thought he was talking about Janay. Gary said he was talking about Lauren. Gary said she said that Howard dated a lot of women but that didn't go on for a lot of years. Howard said she should tweet that she made an idiotic statement and she's never going to adlib again. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Stephen Colbert there. Howard said he is about tot take over the CBS late night slot. Howard said he's anxious to talk to him. Howard said he must be out of his mind with anticipation. Howard said this is the famous Stephen Colbert. Stephen shook Howard's hand. Howard said he has to Purell now. Howard asked if he worries about germs. Stephen said no. He said he is one of 11 children so it was filth all the time. Howard said he found out that he was in a Rolling Stones cover band when he was younger so he has some Stones playing. Stephen said they were called Shot in the Dark. Howard asked if he made money doing that. Stephen said no. It was in high school. He said they got paid in beer. Stephen said he wore very tight jeans and his brother's soccer jersey. He said he wore that so it would look European. Howard said he read that Mick Jagger dressed like that for a while. Stephen said he was trying to copy that look from the 1972 tour. He said they covered Brown Sugar and they got no money. Stephen said he got a mild amount of attention from the girls.
Howard played a music track for Brown Sugar and had Stephen sing along with it. Stephen said he'll sing solo. Howard said he's looking forward to this. He said he didn't know that he could sing. Stephen said he doesn't know if he can. Stephen sang the song and Howard said it sounds alright. Howard said the dancing is good too. Howard said that's enough of that. Stephen said he doesn't have the Jagger knees anymore.
Howard said he thinks he's going to be good in late night. He said he has the energy and the tools he needs. Stephen said the kids love the hits from 1971. Howard said he loves the late night wars and all of that. He asked Stephen about getting tapped to be the guy to take over for Letterman. He asked if Les Moonves came to him first or what. Stephen said he's not sure if he's the first or the last. Howard asked if it matters to him. Stephen said if they were getting married it would bother him. Howard said he heard that Neil Patrick Harris was talked to about it. Stephen said he's sure there were a few who were talked to.
Stephen said that he never thought that what he'd be doing would be harder than what he was doing. He said he hasn't done it yet but it is more material. Howard said he thinks the rap with Letterman was that he got less and less interested in the daily running of the show. Howard said he heard that he had a 90 minute meeting with Dave before he took the job.
Stephen said he wanted to thank Dave for what he did. He said that the show was everything to him. He said Johnny Carson was the man too. He said his family would wake him up to watch Carson.
Howard asked if he sits and watches his competitors. Stephen said he watches them anyway. He said he's been on Fallon too. Stephen said he watches it when he gets a chance. He said that he went back to watch a band that he likes. He said he doesn't keep up to date. Howard asked if he sits there analyzing what the other guys are doing. Stephen said everything is fair game. Stephen said he's going to do everything he's able to do on the show. He said on his show, The Colbert Report, he was playing a character. He said Jon Stewart could do whatever he wanted to. He said if he did that it felt like a weak script to him.
Howard said that he was kind of stuck in that character. Stephen said he knew he was going to be doing that. He said it was a 10 year sketch. Howard said that must be tough. Stephen said he had to take sides every time. Howard said he wasn't really a political guy before that show. Stephen said he wasn't political in his career before that. He said they would never refer to real places or people or especially politicians.
Howard said Stephen came from a very big family. He asked what his father did. Stephen said his father was the youngest medical dean ever. He said he was an MD but a bench scientist. He lost his father when he was 10. He said he lost 2 brothers at the same time in a plane crash. Stephen said that it's just built into him and that's what he's made of. Howard said that has to make him fearful when that happens. Stephen said he doesn't think so. He said it was more disassociated. He said the world didn't make any sense. He said that helps with being a performer or a comedian. He said you step one step out and one step up so you don't get caught in the flood.
Howard said that they changed the way things go on in the cockpit because of that plane crash. Stephen said they were talking about a park and the Arabs during the crash. He said that it was Eastern Airlines flight 212, September 11, 1974. He said that below a certain height you can't talk about anything but the approach. He said that rule came out after they listened to the cockpit recorder from that flight. He said he read the transcript once and that was very tough to read. He said it was just a few years ago. Howard asked why he would read it. Stephen said it happened by accident. He said he was doing research on the accident itself. He said he found out about the cockpit rule and he knew what had happened. He said he looked it up and the first thing that came up was the transcript. He said he figured he can't not read it now. He said it doesn't end well.
Howard asked Stephen about being around his mother after that. Stephen said his mother was very upset. He said that she was very upset. Howard asked if it's tough to be around a crying woman now. Stephen said that he's used to cheering up a woman now. Robin asked if he was able to cry. Stephen said no. He said privately he could but not publicly. He said he would do it once a year or so. He said that it wasn't until he got to college when he was alone with his own thoughts.
Howard said his mother lost her mother when he was 9. He said he spent a lot of years trying to cheer up his mother. He said he did impressions that made her laugh. Howard said even to this day when he sees a woman in distress he feels he has to help. Stephen said he has a strong urge to cheer up a sad woman to this day.
Howard asked if religion helped get him through all of that. He said it helped his mother the most. Howard asked Stephen if he's a Sunday school teacher. Stephen said he was. He said he isn't now. He said the church is flawed but it was a beautiful gift to his family. He said they'd go to mass every day. Stephen said he knows a bunch of comedians who are catholic and a bunch who aren't. He said if they come up with a good joke about the church he might just steal it.
Howard said when Stephen got back from his father's funeral he decided to be a comedian. Stephen said that he was coming back from the funeral and his sister Margot laughed so hard at a joke his other sister told that she fell on the floor of the limo. He said that he thought about how he wanted that. He wanted to be able to make that connection. He said he didn't really want to be a comedian. He said that came later on. Stephen said that he was a big Bill Cosby fan. He said he was a David Frye fan too.
Howard said that the last name of Colbert isn't his real name. Stephen said that his father wanted to go by Colbert because it was supposed to be a French name. He said that they are actually Irish so he's not sure where that came from. He said they thought they had to be related to a famous French Colbert. He said that some of the family are Colbert and some are ''Col-bear.''
Howard said Stephen is a hard fucking worker. Howard said he thinks it'll be important for him to be number 1. Stephen said he's going to do the best show he can. He said he's taking over for Dave and he was given that. He said it's not something he plotted to do. He said that you can't just take over for Dave. He said you can take the time slot. Stephen said that they have to call it Late Show but it's kind of crazy to call it that. He said that's what Dave created. Howard asked if he wanted to change the name. Stephen said he never talked about it but he would have entertained it. He said even the name has Dave's DNA. He said it's as close as you can get to ''Late Night'' since that's what Dave did.
Stephen said he's taking over for Dave but he's really taking over for himself. He said he's replacing two shows. He said he's replacing Dave's show and his own show. He said he's not too concerned about being number 1. Howard asked if he checks the ratings. Stephen said he isn't into that. He said he wants to know the highest and if he's going to be fired but in between what can he do? Robin said the ratings matter more on network but not on cable.
Howard said he loved that Stephen did that running around the studio when he'd have a guest come in. Howard said he loved that. Stephen said he did that and he'd have his stool higher than the bands he had on the show. Howard asked if he's going to wear a tie. Stephen said he will. He said he's not thrilled with his neck so that's why he'll do that. Stephen said it makes you look like a Maitre D and that's kind of what you are.
Howard asked if he's shooting the show already. Stephen said he is shooting some stuff now. Howard asked about tearing the theater apart and doing it over for himself. Stephen said that they didn't have to do it there at that theater. He said they can do the show in any space. Howard said maybe you'd want your own space. Stephen said the issue is it felt like a difficult space. He said they had to make it a usable space. Howard said it was confusing as a guest going up into the building when you got there. Stephen said they restored under the stage for the green rooms. He said that things will be different. He said you'll feel the rhythm from the audience.
Howard asked if he will say hello to the guests. Stephen said he will. Howard said he likes when the host doesn't say hi. Stephen said he won't do that for Howard then. Howard said he wants him to though. Stephen said that he hopes Howard will come on the show. Howard said sure.
Howard said that Stephen thought about working in religion. Stephen said he thought about doing what his dad did. He said that his dad was a true intellectual. He said after his dad and the boys died he became a bad student. He said he read a lot himself. He said he read a lot of science fiction and fantasy. He said he also read the encyclopedia. Howard asked if he remembers his IQ. Stephen said he doesn't. He said his wife is very smart. He said Jon Stewart is very smart. He said he just has a very good memory. He said that makes him seem smart.
Howard said Stephen is deaf in one ear. Stephen said he has no ear drum in his right ear. He said his skin grows in instead of out. Howard said that he wanted to be a scuba diver but because of that he wasn't able to.
Howard said Stephen transferred to North Western and he went to join Second City. Stephen said he wanted to be an actor. He said that was the only thing that he did that he didn't have to be pushed into doing.
Howard said Stephen was the youngest of 11 kids so he was around his mother the longest when she was sad. Howard said it must be a nightmare when he's the one holding all of the baggage. Stephen said he wouldn't call it a nightmare. He said it's important to remember that it was his father and two brothers. He said there is a chance you'll lose your husband but it's not in the cards that you'll lose two kids and a husband on the same day. Howard asked if he has kids. Stephen said he has 3. He can't even think about that.
Howard asked when he starts this new job. Stephen said he started 10 years ago in late night. He said September 8th is his first night on CBS. Howard said that Stephen is a hands on guy. He said he even measured the height of the band leader's podium. Stephen said that the band leader is Jon Batiste. He said he was watching a run through and they kept doing songs but never finished one. He said that he's as anal as he is. Howard said he must love that. Stephen said oh yeah. He said you have to care. He said that you have to have a picture in your mind about what's going to happen. He said that things have to conform to that image.
Howard said Stephen is shot out of a canon. Robin said he's really excited about this. Stephen said he's not detached from it in any way. He said he has to do 202 hours a year so he can't just figure it out. Howard asked if he is consumed with the show. Stephen said between now and Christmas he's going to be an endangered species. He said the family will be looking for him like a black rhino.
Howard said Stephen is going to be competing against Jimmy Kimmel. Stephen said he's not competing though. Howard said he knows what it's like to compete and that's what he's doing. Stephen said that the wars don't help with the content. He said that doesn't make a better show.
Howard asked if CBS has given him any notes so far. Stephen said he went to Les Moonves' house last week. He said he hasn't done this kind of promotion in 10 years. He said that this is almost like doing a show. Howard said he had an attitude. He said he didn't want to do press. Robin said this is like a relaunching of him. Stephen said that it is. He said he hopes his old audience, the Colbert Nation, will check it out. He said he thinks that there are people who never saw the old show and they'll watch it too.
Howard asked what it was like at Les' house. Stephen said it was him and Vinnie Favale. He said Vinnie is always saying ''It's going to be great!'' Howard said they're going to test Vinnie later. He said they want to find out who is better, Letterman or Stephen. Stephen said that Les' house was very nice. He told him how he thought the show was going to go. He said they're still preparing the opening credits and all of that. He said he and Les went over what the opening and closing will be. Stephen said that Clooney will be his first guest and then Jeb will be his second.
Stephen said he is very glad that Jeb will be his first political guest. He said he hopes that makes the politicians out there see that they can have a good time doing the show.
Howard asked if he likes interviewing people. Stephen said he does. Howard said he's read that he's a very hard worker. Stephen said if you like the grind then it's a good job.
Howard asked if he's going to have fun with Jeb or be hard hitting. Stephen said he has no idea. He said he never really thought about the guests on The Colbert Report until 4 that afternoon. He said he'd have maybe 10 questions and see where it goes. He said he is an improviser and that's what he can do. He said he thinks he can really fuck up a joke. He said that he is worried about hitting the music in his head but with a guest he never knows what will happen. Howard said that Letterman used to beat himself up if he felt he fucked up a good opportunity. Howard asked if Stephen is like that. Stephen said he's just glad there's another show tomorrow. He said it's tough if it's the last show of the week. He said that you have to live with the feeling for 3 days or whatever it is.
Stephen said they used to have a joke where they'd say that it would play great at home. Howard asked if he would read his Twitter feed and things like that. Stephen said that he would go on Twitter to see certain reactions to certain events. He said he didn't do it all the time. Howard said Stephen works very hard at his stuff and he's very funny. He said he doesn't have much negative going on.
Howard asked about being an understudy for Steve Carell. Stephen said that he was ding that in case Steve left the show he was on but then he stayed on the show and they ended up working together.
Howard said Stephen worked for Dana Carvey's show too. Stephen said that moved to New York and they had a great time doing that. He said that they had Robert Smigel, Louis C.K., Conan, Charlie Kauffman, Dana Carvey, Steve Carell and others. Howard said it should have worked. Stephen said that they came on after Home Improvement and that show was huge at the tie. He said they got like 24 million people watching their show. He said that Dana was dressed up as Bill Clinton and he had teets like a dog. He said about 10 million people tuned out and never tuned back in. He said Dana came in and told them that he was sorry he had ruined their careers. Stephen said they didn't know any better. Howard asked why he never ended up on Saturday Night Live. Stephen said he worked there for a month. He said he was one of the voices of the Ambiguously Gay Duo. Stephen said he wrote those with Robert Smigel. He said he was able to write those and he had a great time while he was there. Howard asked why it was only a month. Stephen said he was just a guest writer. He said that he had a great time there.
Howard said the Ambiguously Gay Duo might be the funniest thing that came out of there. Stephen said they had a movie script for that. He said they had Jim Carrey attached to it. Howard said they should take it out of the closet and dust it off and make it.
Stephen asked if there are no commercials there. Howard said there are but he's skipping them. Howard asked Stephen about what happened after Saturday Night Live and Dana Carvey. Stephen said he had nothing. He said it was all dead. He didn't know what he was going to do. He said he was hiding from his wife. He said he took a job at Comedy Central with Craig Kilborn. Howard said he needed a job bad and he didn't care for the show. Stephen said they were doing jokes and they had no audience. He said that he watched some of the tape. Stephen said he went to work for Good Morning America and he only made it on the air once. Howard said he has the clip up on HowardStern.com. Howard asked why it was just one shot. Stephen said that they brought him in and they wanted him to be their window like Today had. He said they wanted him to be funny like a weatherman is funny. Stephen told Howard that they were going to do The Onion stories on Dana Carvey's show. He said they shot that for the show. He said he pitched 25 pieces for Good Morning America and they shot them all down.
Howard said it must be tough when you're trying to make a living and Good Morning America is turning him down. Stephen said he had already gone through a crisis at 29. He said he got married and he realized that he wanted kid and he didn't want to travel. He said he had a nervous breakdown and had to be medicated. He said his wife wondered who she married. He said that it was like his skin was on fire a month after he got married.
Howard said that Stephen got rid of his accent because he saw that the southern accent was portrayed as dumb. Stephen said he wanted to seem smart. He said that was really important to him. He said he decided he waned to sound like John Chancellor. He said that he sounded like he was from nowhere.
Howard said Stephen did all of those shows and then he goes to Craig Kilborn. Stephen said they added an audience to the show and the people there were trying to do a really good show. He said he was a temporary guy there. He said that he did like 3 pieces there. He said he left and then came back when Jon Stewart came in. He said he did a few pieces in there but he was also doing ''Strangers with Candy.'' Howard said it really established him when he did the Daily Show with Jon. Stephen said he came back for the 2000 campaign. He said that was the greatest story ever. He said there's no way that could ever happen again. He said there was a tie. He said that just can't happen again. He said you get to the climax where you find out the winner and everyone is paying attention to it. He said in 2000 it was like Tantric sex and it just suspends for like 32 days. He said it's like Sting doing Tantric sex. He said that it's the money shot for 32 days. Howard said they still don't know if they got the right outcome.
Howard said Stephen wasn't a political guy until he started working with Jon. Stephen said he gave him the chance to do that. Howard said he didn't have a social life with Jon. He asked why that is. Stephen said he's not sure. He said they got to know each other better by not hanging out. Howard asked who his close friends are. Stephen said he has friends in Montclair, New Jersey. Howard said that he doesn't socialize with Jon. Stephen said he does now. He said he went out with Fallon to have dinner. He said that not many people know what the gig is like. He said they can go out and talk about it. He said that's what he and Jon were able to do.
Howard said that this is going to be different now that he's on at the same time as Jimmy. Stephen said he's been on at the same time for 10 years. Howard said that he thinks it's different now that he's on CBS. Howard said things are going to be different with the ratings. He said Les is going to be looking at them every day. Stephen said that Howard is poisoning him. Howard said he's planning his show and he has to know that the gusts are going to make the show. Howard said that Stephen is going to have Taylor Swift booked and Fallon or someone else will steal her away. Stephen said they'll ply her away with gift bags. Howard said he guarantees he will resent Fallon after a year. Stephen said he doesn't think so. Howard said that they're going to steal a bit or a guest and it's going to happen. Howard said all of that Catholicism is going to go out the window. Stephen said if that happens he will call Howard. Howard told him there is no question that the resentment is coming.
Howard asked if Stephen has gone to therapy. Stephen said he has. He said he has had a few things he had to talk about. He said the things arise like a carbuncle.
Stephen asked how they deal with it when someone steals a guest. Howard said he goes to war. He said he slams them and talks about them. Howard said he wonders how he can get back at them. Stephen asked if the audience cares about that. Howard said it doesn't matter. He said it's about what he thinks. Howard said he went off on a woman this morning who made some comments about him. He said he did that for a half hour.
Howard asked Stephen about working with Chris Farley at Second City. Stephen said he was hired the same day as Chris. He said that Pat Finn is the guy to ask about that. He said that Chris and Finn were close. He said when he met Farley he was already Chris Farley. He said that he was very smart and very giving. He said he was very loving but maybe not of himself. Stephen said that he worked at Kilborn for a short time and they came in and told him that Farley had died. He said he was wrecked.
Howard said that the Bush White House asked him to do the Correspondents Dinner. Stephen said he was asked by this guy Mark to do it. He said they were less than 6 months in when they asked him to do it. He said some people got upset about what he said. He said that he remembers people not talking to him after he did it. He said he had to ask Jon Stewart if he should do the show. He said that he did it because Jon told him he should. Stephen said that a lot of people didn't talk to him but a couple did. He said Antonin Scalia came up to him and said that he loved it. He said he got a lot of letters after that. He said he handed them over to security. He said that he had a 20 minute script and half was on the President and half was the press. Stephen said the room was angry. He said this was in 2006 and it was hard to say shit about the president at the time. He said there was fear and cautiousness in the country. He said that the room didn't think it was possible to do the jokes. He said it didn't feel that bad in the room that night either. He said there was no laughter on the microphone and he thought that it sounded pretty good in person.
Howard asked if he would love to have Trump on his show. Stephen said he'd dare him to come on. He said he's something of a brilliant figure. He said he ran for President twice and he would have loved to have had a billion dollars to run. He said that you don't want a guy in the race with that much money. Stephen said that he had a Superpac going on while he was doing his show and they could do anything with that money. He said they still had a million when it was all over. He said Jon Stewart took the money because he had to give it to someone he had no connection with. He said all of the money went to two charities and it's gone forever. He said he has challenged people to prove what happened to the money. Stephen said that Sarah Palin is living on SaraPac... allegedly.
Howard asked what his day is like right now. Stephen said he can't even say. Howard said he heard that Stephen met with David Letterman was upset with where he moved his desk. Stephen said that he put it on the other side of the stage. He said it allows you to get center and down a little bit better. He said that's just for him. He said he likes to be down and right. He said he asked Dave if he would have changed anything there. He said Dave said he would have liked to have tried the desk on the other side. Howard asked if he asked him to be his first guest. Stephen said he won't reveal what he talked to Dave about but he would like to have him on the show sometime.
Howard asked if he's nervous. Stephen said he is. He said you're not trying if you're not nervous. Howard asked if he's thought about ending the Comedy Central show and being upset about that. Stephen said he was going to end that show either way. Howard asked what kind of guarantee he has with CBS. Stephen said that it's a 3 year guarantee with a 2 year option. Howard said you need that these days. Howard said that Chevy Chase got screwed by FOX. Stephen said he has a Chevy Chase show hat. He said he had a friend over there and she mailed him the hat. He said by the time that got to him the show had been canceled.
Howard said he has talked to Stephen for an hour and a half but he could talk to him all day. He said he has to do America's Got Talent today though. Stephen thanked him for letting him come on America's Got Talent to dance to Get Happy. Howard said that was fun. Howard asked if he will be number 1 in late night. Stephen said he won't even talk about it. He just hopes that people like the show. Howard asked how much they spent on the theater renovating it. Stephen said that it's like 10 million or so.
Howard said they have to ask Vinnie Favale to come in. Howard said he looks like he's kept the weight off. Howard asked how long he worked for Letterman. Vinnie said 19 years. Howard asked who the better performer is, Letterman or Stephen Colbert. Vinnie said that Stephen is the funniest person he has ever met. Howard asked him to predict who will be on top a year from now. Vinnie said that they have a very good shot. He said that ratings are very important. He said that's his problem, not his. Vinnie said he predicts they will be very competitive. Howard said there it is. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Vinnie said they will beat The Mentalist.
Howard asked if it was a good idea to bring in Stephen Colbert. Vinnie said it was a brilliant idea. Howard asked who Vinnie likes more personally as a human being. Vinnie said he worked with Dave and didn't know him at a personal level. He said he's working with Stephen so he knows him on a more personal level. Howard asked what he does better than Letterman. Stephen said they spoon. Vinnie said his accessibility is what helps. Howard said that won't last if Stephen becomes big. Howard said this has all been a Punk'd show and Letterman isn't actually leaving. It was all a big joke on Vinnie to find out what he thinks of Letterman.
Howard wished Stephen the best and gave him some plugs. Stephen said it's September 28th but Vinnie quickly corrected him and said it's the 8th. Stephen said he would like to start on August 28th but he can't start until September. Howard The Late Show with Stephen Colbert will start on September 8th.
Vinnie asked when Howard will do the show. Howard said he has never done Fallon's Tonight Show. Howard said he promised Kimmel that he's going to do his show when he's in the city. Vinnie said that Kimmel is going to be on Stephen's show. That's an exclusive. Howard said that these three nudnicks are going to be knocking heads and he doesn't want to be part of it. Stephen said he's not knocking heads. Howard asked who is more talented, Fallon or Kimmel. Stephen said he can't tell them apart at a certain point. Howard said he wants to do the show but he has to do both Fallon and Kimmel. Howard said maybe he can do all three at once.
Vinnie said Howard should come on their show when Kimmel is on. Howard said he hates doing all of these shows. He said it's so much pressure for him. Howard said he wants to please the host. He said that it's so much pressure. Stephen said he has no expectations. Howard said he has them though. Stephen said he was on with Dave and he was so excited. He said he would go home and watch frame by frame to see if Dave was really laughing. Howard said he's the same way with all of these shows. He said he feels that he has done some late night appearances that are ridiculous home runs. Howard said he did Leno and he got the highest ratings. He dressed as a woman on Letterman. He said that you can't do better than that. Vinnie said after Howard does their show he should never do another late night show. Howard asked Stephen to not be angry at him if he doesn't do his show right away. Stephen said he promises he won't. He said that's unless he does change when he gets big. In that case ''Fuck you old man.'' That's for later. Howard told him to get rid of Vinnie and he'll do the show. Stephen said ''Done.'' Stephen said he's not sure what to do with Vinnie. He said he makes things happen though. Howard asked if Vinnie has spoken to Dave since he left. Vinnie said he has not. Howard said Dave never did like him.
Howard gave Stephen some more plugs and wrapped up. Howard said they've run out of time. They went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played the Black Keys performing ''Lonely Boy'' at the Howard Stern Birthday Bash. They also played a Breaking Bad with Baba Booey bit and a Baba Booey song parody.
Howard said he had a good night last night. He said he watched The Strain. Howard said that's a great show. Robin said she thinks it's great this season. Howard asked what's up with Katie Holmes wearing braces on Ray Donovan. Robin said they are distracting. Howard said that woman who plays the wrestler on Ray Donovan is a fantastic actress. Robin said everyone on that show is great. Howard said they really are. Howard said the other thing he watched was Falling Skies. Robin said she's loved that this season too. JD told Howard that the braces thing is because the character gets migraines and the braces help with the migraines. Howard said that's going really deep.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said it's weird that these late night hosts are all friendly. Howard said he was lecturing Stephen about that during the break. He said it's going to be all out war.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the interview was great. He said that story about the plane crash was horrible. Howard said Stephen's dad was brilliant buy and suddenly he's lost in a plane crash. Howard said he lost two brothers too. Howard said it's crazy stuff. He said Stephen is a fascinating guy. Howard said he could have interviewed him just about the Ambiguously Gay Duo the whole time. Howard said he wants to know everything about how that comes about. Howard said he interviewed him for an hour and a half and he's so interesting. Robin said that he kept his religion during all of that stuff he went through. Fred played Robin's music over her as she was talking about that.
Howard had Robin get into her news after Fred played her in with a song parody from Eli Braden. Howard said he has a new one from Little Mikey too. Howard played that for Robin.
Robin read about how the dentist who killed Cecil the lion opened his office yesterday. Robin said that he had been closed since late July. Robin said that they had a security officer outside the building all day. Howard said imagine that's your dentist. Robin said he's destroyed his employee's lives. Howard said that he can't possibly charge the first customer who comes back. Robin said maybe they were just doing teeth cleaning since the dentist didn't show up. Howard said imagine that he you show up and there are guards there. Howard said you don't want to be charged for service there. Robin asked why anyone would go. She said it's nerve wracking enough to go to the dentist without all of that other stuff. Howard said that this guy will recover. He said he was able to kill a lion without caring. Howard said he can get through anything. Howard said a couple of months ago there was a woman killing a giraffe. Robin said that didn't have a name though. Robin said this is another level. Howard said people do forget though. He said people forget and move on to the next thing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about being able to curl your tongue isn't a hereditary thing. Robin said she was reading a news story about a guy who says it was proven that it's not a genetic trait. Robin said we all have to realize that it's not.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Stephen kept saying September 28th and maybe it was because that's Bobo's ban lift. Howard said maybe that's it. Robin said he's probably going to be back on the 8th just like the same day Stephen starts his show. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Leonard B. Robinson who was known as the Batman of Baltimore. Robin said he made money in the clothes cleaning business and he would go around for the last several years dressing as Batman and going to visit children in a hospital. Robin said that he thrilled these sick kids. Robin said he was killed when his Batmobile broke down. Robin said she's not sure why the car broke down. Howard said he read that the Joker sabotaged the Batmobile. Robin said Leonard got out of his car and someone hit his car while he was checking out his car and he was pinned and killed by his own car. Fred played some Jackie laughs while they were talking about that. Howard said he's sorry to hear that because he sounds like a good guy. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how Tracy Morgan is going to return to Saturday Night Live this season. Robin said he's going to host. Robin said this is his first gig as a performer since his accident about a year ago. Howard said welcome back Tracy. Robin said Miley Cyrus and Amy Schumer will also be hosting this season. Howard said he'd be afraid to host. He said he'd be afraid of not having good sketches. Robin said that's why he could never have a good time doing it.
Robin said Jon Stewart is wasting no time getting back to work. Robin said he's going to host the WWE Summer Slam on Sunday. Robin said he's no stranger to the WWE because he had a feud with someone in the WWE. Howard said Jon is cool because he does different stuff like that. Howard said his kid must be into the WWE if he's doing that. Howard said Jon has to give him a minute to miss him.
Robin read that Kathie Lee Gifford has returned to work. Robin said she was talking about her husband passing away at complete peace with his life and his sins forgiven. Howard said that guy had a perfect life. He said he was good looking and he was a star football player. Robin said he died suddenly and Kathie Lee said that's what he wanted because he didn't want to be a burden on anyone. Howard said that's beautiful. Robin said he died at the age of 84. Howard said he wants to die like that. He said he doesn't want to die in a plane crash or anything like that. Robin said that would be fast too. Howard said you know it's coming and it's gotta hurt.
Robin read about the guy who was saved by Siri was working on a truck when it fell on him. Robin said he had almost given up when he was able to get Siri to work.
Robin read a story about how the mayor is trying to figure out how to deal with women who are painting their breasts and appearing topless in Times Square. Robin said toplessness is legal but pan handling is against the law. Robin said the Disney Store is there so there are kids around.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the Stephen Colbert interview was great. She said that she has had hard times and Howard and Stephen have made her laugh. She said she has a child who is transgender and that's been hard for her. She said she's a girl who has become a boy. Howard said this Bruce Jenner thing is good because it can help her child. Howard thanked her for the call.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump and how Sandy Taylor is now talking about her relationship with him. Howard said she says nice things about him. Robin said Sandy has said that he was quite a gentleman. Robin said she says very nice things. She said that was nice to see. Howard said Trump should be proud of that. He said she's gorgeous.
Robin read about Hillary Clinton's email problems and what's going on with that. Robin read about how 300 emails are being reviewed. Robin said they're digging through some 30,000 work related emails. Howard said he saw Sandy Taylor recently and she's still gorgeous. Howard said she was on the cover of both Penthouse and Playboy.
Robin read a story about Hillary Clinton going on the Ellen show. Howard had some clips of Bill Clinton that they edited together to say some crazy things about Hillary.
Robin said that Oscar Pistorius is getting out of prison. Robin said they say he served his time and he's getting out. Howard said 10 months seems reasonable for killing your girlfriend. Howard said he really doesn't like this story. Howard said he couldn't live with that guy being out of prison if that was his daughter.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she met Stephen Colbert about 8 years ago and he was very nice. She also said she'll see him later at America's Got Talent. Howard let her go as she was starting to scream.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he tried to get an autograph from Bill Cosby once and he realized he was using a pen that wasn't working so he was just indenting the paper of all of these autographs. Howard said that the guy is nuts. Robin said she thinks they may end up with 150 women that he allegedly raped. Howard said he's thinking it's more like 400. Howard said this could be the most disturbing story of all time. Gary said that the stories start 40 years ago so it's possible that there were more than 10 a year. Howard went into his Cosby's Driver impression again. He and Robin had a conversation for a short time. Howard had Arnold the Pig on the phone and he was claiming that he was raped by Cosby too. That was Sal doing the sound effects again. Howard asked how long Cosby's penis was. He had him squealing out his answer. He came up with 5 inches.
Robin read a story about Norm MacDonald being the new Colonel for KFC. Robin had a some audio of Norm doing the Colonel on a new commercial. Robin said he's taken over from Darrell Hammond who was doing it before. Howard wondered why that's happening. Robin didn't know. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
Paul mentioned that what they talked about yesterday came to a full head today on the show. Jon said he's right and played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. After that Jon asked Rahsaan what he has for the poll today. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Which Fight Was More Entertaining This Morning?'' and the choices were:
Jon said that's a tough choice. Jon said his pick would be the Gary and Sal fight. He said that escalated very quick. He said the next thing you knew they were going at it. Paul said it seemed like a 10 o'clock fight and not an 8 o'clock fight. Jon said that Gary was pissed and Sal went right at him. Gary said he broke his balls like he has done it a thousand times before. Gary said Sal has a lot of balls after mocking him in that video they made. He said he's the first one to tell someone to go in and tell Howard something. He said he wasn't really that angry but then Sal came at him hard. Jon said that they brought up Sal's wife and Sal got upset with that. Paul said he's pent up. Gary said he's taken a lot of shrapnel and Sal did that to him today. Gary said he told Sal he has to reel it in a little bit when it comes to his wife. Paul said it seemed like Sal was having fun at first but then it went wrong.
Rob asked if it's tough to see each other around the office after that. Gary said that the brought Sal in right away and they got it squared away quickly. Paul said this office is different than most. He said they get to air their stuff out like that. Gary said in most offices you don't get to do that. Jon said he thinks it's better because they get it all out there and you don't wonder what people's feelings are.
Gary said they once did this anonymous thing where they vented on people in the office and they were supposed to be anonymous but Howard got people to reveal who complained. He said it wasn't anonymous after that. Gary said it can be fun on the air but then it gets real.
Jon said that Paul and Rob have been working together for along time. He asked if they know where they stand with each other. Rob said he's not sure comedy people rank each other like that. Gary said the worst he's seen is when he worked a charity event with 4 female comedians and they were all vicious toward the other women when they were on stage. The guys spent a little more time talking about that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Stephen is excited to be getting away from that character he was playing. He said now he can switch it up. Paul said he hopes people know it was a character and they're not shocked by it when it's not the same guy. Gary said he thinks that some people will be seeing him for the first time. He said not everyone knows the character.
Gary said he doesn't get how you can't be at war with the other late night guys. Jo said Howard pointed out that he'll have his first guest stolen or a bit is copied. Jon said that things may change. Jon said Howard told Stephen he hated everyone and he wanted to beat everyone when that happened to him.
Paul said that Colbert has a very enlightened point of view and the other guys in late night may not. He said that he thinks it's an interesting thing. Gary said he would argue that while being there with Howard angry and pissed off, those are some of the best shows ever. Paul said some of the old shows are more combative and now he has a relaxed nature. Gary said when they came to Sirius they don't have to look at the ratings book. He said Howard has never lost that edge of being competitive.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary how long he thinks it'll be before CBS realizes they made a mistake. Gary asked why he says that. The caller said that Colbert hasn't done a show as himself. Gary said James Corden never had a talk show. Conan never had a talk show. He said never having done a talk show isn't part of the whole thing. Jon said Fallon got the Tonight Show and he started doing stuff on the web and it's worked. Rob said he has expanded the reach of that show. He said Colbert is a smart dude and he's engaging with people and he thinks he'll make a great host.
Jon said you wonder why Colbert didn't get on Saturday Night Live. He said that if guys like that can't make it then you wonder how hard it is to get on there. Paul said there are a lot of big stars who were passed over. He said it doesn't mean you're not funny or talented. Gary said that Saturday Night Live has turned out some of the funniest people ever. He said it's like Lorne is running a football team. He said he clearly knows what he's doing.
Rob said he auditioned for Saturday Night Live and he did it in front of Tina Fey and Lorne. He said that it's really tough. He said they ice you out on purpose and you think you're tanking no matter what. He said he's glad he didn't get it. He said he thinks that he looks like a lot of other people on that show so maybe he wouldn't have done so well. Rob said the best thing to do is your own stuff.
Jon asked how Vinnie Favale did in there. Gary said he loved Colbert's impression of Vinnie. He said that he does make you feel good and it seems like they have a good thing going. Gary said he's glad that they have that connection to Colbert's show. They went to break after that.
After that Jon said he was wrong. He said Gary was right. Jon said he was wrong because he spoke to Ralph about it and he was so excited to be the parole officer. Jon said they learned that he did nothing. Jon said Paul brought up yesterday how it wasn't happening. Paul said you'd think he'd reach out to other Wack Packers to find out what was going on.
Jon asked if Gary understands Ralph's defense. Gary said he knew it was coming. He said Ralph's defense was no news is good news. Jon said it is a parole officer's job to check in on the parolee. Paul said Bobo was in New York and he could have checked in there. Gary said a call to Mariann or right to Bobo would have been good. Gary said that maybe he could have called Jeff to find out if he's called him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this Bobo thing has been one of the best bits ever. He said he's seething over Ralph's fuck up though. He said that he should be held in contempt. Gary said he thinks he should be disbarred. He said he should never be able to serve again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that all of this talk about Bobo should go against his probation. He said they're making it too much a part of the show. Paul said they can't count this. Gary said all of this is making Bobo crazy. He said he's not happy. The caller said he thinks that Bobo probably thinks that he's contributing to the show right now. Gary said he thinks that he's yelling at his radio right now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ralph should get a punishment for what he's not doing. Jon said that they know the situation there. He said Bobo accepted his punishment and maybe Ralph does too. Rob said maybe they should make Ralph go down to Bobo's house to be embedded. Paul said they have to take this up in Howard Stern court. Jon said that if they do send Ralph there it would be a punishment. Gary said he can't make Ralph do it. Paul said Howard could. Rob said they should bring Bobo up to New York and that would make him really crazy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a federal probation officer and he thinks Ralph is doing a horrible job. He said that he has no interaction at all with Bobo. He said he's just doing an awful job. Gary asked how long he can go without seeing one of his people before his bosses know about it. The caller said you want to see them pretty often. He said he should have some random visits.
Paul said Bobo sold out the show by disrespecting it. He said Ralph is doing a similar thing by not bringing more stuff to the show. Gary said it feels like they have a mock court going on right now.
The caller said that the guys laying low are probably doing something under your nose. He said he could be out there doing something but they don't know because no one is checking on him. Jon asked if they should put a parole officer on Ralph. Gary said he's not sure about that but maybe put a CIA-hole on him.
Jon went to Rahsaan who said that all 3 of the fights got 33 percent of the votes so they were tied. Jon wrapped up and got in some plugs before ending the show around 12:10pm.
Gary said he knows Ralph bashing is something they do on the show. He said he doesn't think Ralph should be punished. He said it's their stupidity for giving Ralph that job. He said you know what's going to happen. Gary said they should take some of the responsibility. Paul asked who said yes. Gary asked who said there should be a punishment. Jon said Paul has been calling for a punishment since Monday. Paul said they should send Ralph to Florida for 2 days. Gary said he has family down there so it's not a punishment. Jon said it's like a paid vacation if you send him down there. Brett said punishment is a slippery slope. He said they'll punish him and then more people will have to be punished. He said it is exciting so he's looking forward to a trial. He said it would be along the same lines as Bobo. Gary said the trial wouldn't last long. There's nothing to argue over. Ralph did nothing.
Jon said they're already on the slope that Brett mentioned. Paul said he thinks Bobo was punished because he severely affected the show. Jon said he took advantage of the show. Paul said Ralph did too because he's putting the show at risk because they don't know where Bobo is right now. Jon said they know he's okay. He said that Bobo must be seeing the light now so he should be fine. The punishment is almost over.
Jon said that Jon Leiberman should be the parole officer. He said you know he's going to take that job seriously. Gary said he doesn't think someone needs to be embedded to do the job. He said Shuli would have called everyone to see what's going on. He said it's just monitoring that has to happen. Brett said that Bobo is part of the show so he must be enjoying this. He said Ralph did fuck up though.
Jon said there is some Ralph bias built in. He said that people do find him annoying. Jon said Ralph asked for this job though. He said he doesn't know if the punishment fits the crime. Paul said they've missed out on the craziness of Bobo over the past weeks. He said they're only going to get his side of the story when he comes back. Gary said that it's usually Bobo, Mariann and Hanzi who leave messages over the weekend. He said that Bobo is the one who will freak out if he doesn't get on the air. He said he would have enjoyed hearing some of that drama while he was away.
Brett said the banishing of Bobo is an event and they have to broadcast that. Jon said so many people have come up to him and thanked him for the Bobo free summer. He said it's made their summer more joyous. Jon said Bobo isn't a bad guy. He said he just rubs people the wrong way. Paul said the pressure is off Bobo and he thinks that the questions when he comes back should be great. Jon said that's torture for Bobo. He said he has to go through his notebook finding a question to ask.
Gary said he had a woman buy him drinks at an event he was at recently and she did that to thank him for the Bobo free summer. Brett said he thinks if you hate Bobo you're fucked in the head. He said he thinks that we have a little Bobo in all of us. He said they're afraid to admit it. Brett said he loves Bobo. He said he doesn't understand how anyone can hate him. They talked about his General Hospital call and how great that was. Gary said all Bobo had to do was tell Howard what was going on but then that would have ruined their fun.
Jon took a call from a guy who said if they listen back to the tape Ralph said he would call and check in on Bobo to see how things are going. He said that Ralph has no honor and he went back on his word. He said he should be punished. Gary said Ralph doesn't give a shit if you say he has no honor. Brett said that's even more of an argument about why he should be punished. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ralph should be punished and maybe he should be forced to drink Jeff the Drunk's spit cup. Jon said he's not sure Ralph would even go close to Jeff's trailer. Gary said Ralph doesn't have to do anything. Brett said maybe spontaneous humiliation is something they could do instead. He said they could humiliate him by surprise on the air.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Bobo has been calling other celebrities in his area in Florida. Jon said there's no way Bobo would do that. He said he thinks he remains a loyal fan. He said he's probably writing and spending time with his family. He said maybe he's gearing up to return.
Gary said he thinks that Bobo's loyalty is so insane. Gary said if Bobo leaves the show then what was his purpose all this time. Jon asked if he can hear Bobo's head exploding right now. Gary said he'd have to say that the previous 50 years meant nothing.
Jon asked Gary about the 25th anniversary of Baba Booey and the weekend celebration they're having. Gary said that people there think he should be honored by it and it's not something he's honored by. Gary said he's prepared for it and he gets why the fans want it. He said he's just not thinking it's awesome. Gary said someone said to him that they were doing a whole weekend of song parodies and he doesn't think that's a great thing. Paul said it's a weird middle ground for Gary. He said Gary has been on the show for so long and they're highlighting the low parts of being on the show. Gary said it would be nice if they mentioned that his book went to number 1. Jon said that won't happen. Jon asked Gary if he would do that if he were producing a special. Gary said he gets it but he isn't going to be happy about this.
Brett said he sees where Gary is coming from. He said people are making fun of him but it's out of love. Gary said sometimes he thinks so too. Brett said he puts out a challenge to the song writers that they write something about themselves that's embarrassing. Jon said Gary has brought so much joy to people with this though. Paul said he could listen to the love tape over and over. He said it's one of the staples of the show. Gary said it's like Stairway to Heaven on a radio station. He said it doesn't seem to have any burn out. Jon said no one on the Sternthology team gets tired of it. Gary said he'd like to know how many times it's been played in a year but one time is too much for him. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said people use it to shout it out for the love of the show. Gary said people use it at golf games as professing their love for Howard.
Jon asked Gary if Baba Booey will be on his headstone when he dies. Gary said no. He said he's actually making preparations for that now and that won't happen. Brett said he should have sky writing and have his ashes in the sky writing. Jon asked if he's being cremated. Gary said he is. He said it's a work in process but he's probably going to have his ashes spread in Amalfi. He said he'll make arrangements to have his family go there to spread the ashes. He said his wife doesn't care about having her name on something but he has to have something. Gary said he knows everyone wants a Baba Booey on there but it wont be on his headstone. Paul said maybe they could put a special monument for him. Gary said that's what John Belushi has. He said they can do a faux headstone. Brett said maybe some dude stands by his headstone just yelling out ''Baba Booey'' for an hour.
Jon said he'd worry about graffiti. Gary said he'll be gone so he won't worry about that. Jon asked Vinnie about making the choice between Dave and Stephen Colbert. Vinnie said Stephen is the funniest guy he's met. He said he wasn't just making that up. He said that he does very funny stuff all the time.
Gary said they think that Stephen is his girlfriend and he hasn't walked into the bathroom after she's taken a shit yet. Vinnie said he's wrong. He said he's seen some of that already. Vinnie said that they didn't start off like everything was great. He said he's the new guy and an outsider. He said Stephen has writers and people who were with him for 10 years. He said that Stephen is at CBS now and it's different.
Gary asked Vinnie about how his job was created. He said he heard that Dave wanted one guy from the network so everything would filter though him. Vinnie told Gary there was no guy at all for a few years. He said things changed and then the Oscars brought some press and Leno's numbers went up. He said that Rob Burnett was the one who said they needed a guy. He said the network created his job after that.
Paul asked Vinnie who the worst late night guest has been while he's been there. Jon said when Howard is on he prepares in spades. Gary said he's reading a book about Milton Berle being a pain in the ass on Saturday Night Live. Vinnie said there are people who might come on and act like stars and not prepare. Gary said he impinges a super hot chick who comes on and isn't someone Dave knew and she brings nothing. Vinnie said Hayden Panettiere was on once and he wished her ''good luck getting off that island'' like they're all one thing.
Jon said that Vinnie has been immortalized on the show like Gary has. He said that he had his own tapes. Jon asked Vinnie about which tape he feels is more embarrassing. Vinnie said his is. Jon said Vinnie did the ''Oh Debbie'' tape that they play often. Gary said he heard ''Oh Debbie'' on American Dad once and he recognized it. It turns out that one of the writers on that show is a big fan of the Stern show. Vinnie said he has a lot of embarrassing stuff in his tape. Gary said that Vinnie isn't here every day like he is. He said when he left his tape went with him. Vinnie said his wife is upset that he gave up the tape and didn't get any money for it. Gary got about $18,000 for his.
Paul said he could never imagine a love note being played for years after. Gary said every time he hears it he feels like he's standing naked in front of a bunch of strangers. Brett said that it keeps you uncomfortable and it keeps you from going on auto pilot. Gary said Howard takes care of that.
Jon asked if Mary has seen the whole tape. Gary said no. He said his is like 11 minutes long. Vinnie said his is about 6 hours. Gary said he saw it all. He said he had to go through it. Gary said Vinnie had to stand there and watch. He refused to leave them. Vinnie said he had 3 Betamax tapes and Howard badgered him to bring them. He said he remembered them more romantically than they were. He said they're horrible and he was mortified by them.
Brett said he engages in that kind of creepy stuff with his girlfriend but he doesn't put it on the record. He said he wishes he did have it on record to remember though. Vinnie said his is like Snapchat but their's is permanent.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked them to get Adam Sandler in there. Gary said he's asked him many times but he's never been on the show. Gary said he would love to have him on the show. He said he's on the list and he has asked so hopefully he'll be on one day.
Jon asked Rahsaan about the poll results. Rahsaan said that 53 percent said that they should ban Ralph. He said 39 percent said they should punish him. They wrapped up and got in some plugs before ending the show. They were done around 11:50am.
Gary said he's not looking for an extension of David Letterman with Colbert. Adam said he thinks he's going to do fine. Gary said they always start out great in the first week but a review will be written before it even airs on the first night. He said at some point he has to settle in. Jon said the reviews have already been written but the show hasn't even aired yet. Gary said that's really unfair.
Gary said James Cameron once said that reviewing a movie before it's even out is like telling a pregnant woman that her baby is going to be ugly. He said it's really unfair.
Adam said he was drawn to both Howard and David Letterman because they were both honest. He said that was beyond the comedy. He said it's really influenced him. He said he hates doing stuff just for the money but he has to cover his overhead. Adam said the book is what made him happiest other than working with Dave in the 1980s.
Gary said David Letterman shot some scenes with Howard for Private Parts. He said that they shot a lot of behind the scenes stuff for that. He said he got to watch some of that. Gary said Howard felt so uncomfortable for Dave. He said that Howard said ''So Dave, this is fun.'' Dave said to Howard ''Oh really? When does that start?''
Jon said when Howard went on Dave he always brought something. Adam said there was an appearance Howard did in the last 3 times he was on and it was maybe the single best guest segment ever. He said that it was the one when Howard went on and talked about going to dinner with Brad Grey. Adam said at one point Howard stood up and went over to the band and said to the black guy in the band that ''You know I don't cow tow to 'the man.''' Adam said Dave's issue was with a lot of people in the business and not with just one person. Adam said Howard has changed. He said he went to get help from his shrink and it seems to be helping. He said he finds it hard to evolve but Howard seems to be able to do that. Adam said that segment with Dave and Howard says so much about people in show business. He said he thought it was some of the greatest TV he's ever seen. They went to break after that.
Jon said that one of the movies Adam wrote, Lucky Numbers, had Michael Rapaport in it. He said he's become a big part of the show lately. Adam said he wishes that the movie had been better than it was for Michael. Gary said Michael has been in a bunch of shitty movies so he'll be fine. Adam said Rapaport is a great actor.
Jon said that when Rapaport breaks Gary's balls he can laugh him off. He said when Sal does it he can't laugh it off. He said he goes back at Sal even harder. Gary said it depends on who it is. He said Sal came back at him without a joke. He said he came back at him with ''Who the fuck are you'' and all of that. He said he feels like he's joking around with Rapaport. Gary said he used to be scared of Rapaport because the way he breaks balls. He said that Michel laughed at him over that. He said that he used to walk the long way around so he could avoid him in the lobby.
Adam said Gary handles the ball breaking pretty well. Gary said you have to know him a little bit to break his balls. He said he used to go at JD really hard. One day he went up to him and apologized to him. He said it was too easy. He said he likes JD but he was taking shots at him.
Jon said that all of this Baba Booey weekend stuff is coming up and he should be honored. Gary said he loves Baba Booey. He said he loves what it has become. He said it's generally fun stuff but it can get brutal when the songs are coming in and they're replaying the love tape and his pitch. He said he's had enough of that stuff. Adam said Gary has taken so much over the years. He said he got his head shaved on the channel 9 show but the girl cutting his hair hesitated and Gary got angry with her. Gary said he was in a bad mood that day. He said the head shaving thing was a throw away that he did in their meeting. He said he did it and Howard didn't even react to it.
Jon said there is no such thing as a throw away in a meeting. He said that's what he's learned there. He said if you think it is a throwaway then someone else may think there's something to it. He said it can become a legend on the show. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said Evil Dave has that gift that he was born with. He said he just starts speaking and it sounds like Dave. Adam said he has zero wit though. He said that's what gives it away. Gary said he has some of the phrases but the thing that he really has is that he sounds exactly like David Letterman. Adam said that he likes when Howard says that something didn't make a lot of sense. Jon wondered what it means for Evil Dave now that David Letterman has retired. Gary said he thinks they'll have work for him.
Jon said Howard has taken up drinking coffee after stopping at 19 years old. Jon said it can't be an easy change for him. Gary said Howard has his schedule and they've worked it out. He said he's just drinking one cup a morning so it's not a big pain in the ass like it could be. Jon said Howard must understand why people drink coffee now that he's doing it. Gary said Howard also got irritated when he got a cup and he was wondering why people nurse their cups and keep it going all day. Robin told him that just because he does something one way doesn't mean everyone should and Howard said to her ''yes they should.''
Adam said Howard has changed over the years and he's improved himself. He said he has tried to do that but Howard has done it. He said that he has succeeded in seeing life differently. Gary said Howard has mellowed in a way but in other ways he hasn't.
Jon asked Adam what he sees in Dave and Howard that are similar. Adam said Howard puts it all out there but Dave keeps some of it in. He said that they both have a deep feeling that they don't like bullshit. He said it's hard to explain. He said there is a similarity between Howard and Dave. He said he liked the days when Howard and Dave used to talk on the phone and Howard wasn't allowed to talk about it. He said Howard brings that up pretty often.
Jon said he thinks that with Dave they got to know a little more of him toward the end. He said that they didn't get to know him very well early on. Gary said he thinks early on his whole life was his show.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and for Adam before wrapping up. They were done around 11:45am.
Jon asked James about how it is with the fans. James said that he played a really unlikable character on The Wire and he has people yell stuff out at him. Gary said he watched the 5th and 6th seasons while they were on but he had to catch up on the first four seasons. James corrected Gary and said there were only 5 seasons. Jon said he told Gary that the show was good and he was actually watching it when it was on. James said he's convinced that people who say they love it haven't even seen it. Jon said he's a long time Wire fan so it's great to have him there.
Jon brought up Sour Shoes and James said that he felt uncomfortable listening to the Embedded stuff. He said he worries about him more than he does about High Pitch's diabetes. Gary said he feels that Sour has always been Sour. He said what he got out of Embedded is that he's still the same guy and he's not getting worse. Gary said he's seen these guys go through this stuff. He said when his parents are gone he wonders who is going to take care of him. James said he worries less about High Pitch because he can feel him hustling. He said he has a level of self awareness that he doesn't get credit for. He said he worries about Sour Shoes though. Jon said High Pitch has issues but it takes some cunning to get over what he has over the years. James said he's cunning and manipulative.
Gary said Sour Shoes would just be the weird guy in the neighborhood if he didn't have family around. He said he feels like he'd get help when people realized who he was. James asked if they feel they have a responsibility to these people. Jon said he thinks Sour has it more together than they think he does. He said as they have gotten to know him over the years they realize he's a sharp guy. Jon said he thinks that the show gives them such a spotlight and focus in life. He said that people will come up to them and thank them. Jon said Eric the Actor had a horrible condition but the show helped him get through life on a day to day basis.
James said that once you get involved in their life you feel like you're responsible. Gary said he found out that Jeff the Drunk has a lot of Periscope followers and his refrigerator broke last week. His fans sent him enough money to get a new one. Gary said these Wack Packers are very resilient. He said he's managing to survive on his own. He said he figured it out. James said Jeff has that cough though. Gary said that's from the smoking. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon asked James how drinking coffee is in his life. James said he brought Howard a box of coffee. He said that he's not an expert in it but he started drinking a couple years ago. He said he became friends with some MMA fighters. He said they turned him onto some butter coffee. He said it keeps you in a state of ketosis so you burn the fat. He said hopefully Howard will get it.
Jon asked James who his favorite Wack Packer is. James said he liked Derek from Texas. He said Beetle is great too. He said it was great when they talked to Beet about stock tips. He said he's into Hanzi lately too. Gary said that's interesting. James said that he falls for it every time when Howard says he has to go. He said he never gets the joke. He said he loves that he thinks Howard is in the Illuminati too.
Jon asked James about when Elephant Boy came in and Hanzi felt like they were stealing his ideas. James said he likes people who are that delusional. He said the guy is fucking great. He also likes his voice. Gary said he thinks he's right about the self entitlement thing. James said that he loved that he jerked off to Whitney Cummings. Gary said he found that to be interesting.
Jon said Ralph took a lot of flack over the Bobo thing. James said he missed why Bobo was banned. Jon and Gary explained to him how that went down. Gary said the crazy thing was that Bobo just said General Hospital 5 times as fast as he could. He said it took him 30 seconds to get that in. James asked how long he's banned. Gary said he can't have any contact with the show until sometime in September. He should be returning to the show on September 8th.
Gary said Paul Scheer had a great line about Ralph the other day. He said that he said no news is good news but then Paul said that Ralph isn't even buying the newspaper. Jon said that they know Bobo is fine even though they haven't had contact with him.
Jon said that there is some delusion on the staff. He asked James what he thinks about that. James thought that Sal was one who is delusional. He said a friend met Sal and he said he as a bit of a dick and very arrogant. Gary said he's not always like that. James said that Benjy is delusional too. He said with that Elisa shit it's crazy. He said he's not even sure how to get into that. Gary said Benjy is an odd bird. James said he's in his mid-30s and he can't imagine getting so delusional that he'd want to get into that kind of thing. He said that's something that a 20 year old would go through. He said he's too old to deal with that type of drama. Gary said they'd say that Benjy is too old if they knew his age.
Jon said JD is in a relationship. James said he likes JD. He said he heard that JD fast forwarded through all of The Wire though. Jon said they'll have to talk about that after a break. They went to break after that.
Jon asked if James thinks that Howard sees JD as his son. James said he thinks that he has an affection for JD that he doesn't have for others. Jon asked about what he thinks about his treatment of Gary. James said Gary is constantly going to be hazed and that will never go away. He said it's like an alpha dogging thing. He said Howard and Robin are so co-dependent too. He said he'd love to hear a psychological breakdown of their relationship. Gary said that is a very special relationship. He said that they've been together for so long and they've never had sex. James said they must have had to have worked stuff out off the air that's really personal. He said they're so intimate. He said that they must have something there.
Gary said he thinks they got a sense of that when Robin was sick. James said he's heard Robin say something wrong and Howard will never come down on her. Gary said he thinks it's like a marriage and you know when not to say something to the wife. Gary said that she does break Howard's balls more than he breaks her's.
Jon said Howard and Robin grew up together in a sense. He said they've been through a lot. He said that it's a very strong bond. They talked about Howard and Robin working at NBC and how hard it must have been there. Gary said he saw that going on there and it wasn't that everyone hated them. He said there were people who really appreciated what Howard was doing. He said it was just a few people who wanted him out. Gary said he came in a couple years in. He said he heard that the early years there were really rough.
James said that he had a friend make fun of him for wearing a V-neck sweater once and he said that he would never wear one again. He said he can't imagine the pressure Howard was under. Gary said that Howard felt he was right and he had the vision and the balls to go one way when people were telling him to go another way.
Jon asked James about where he sees Fred in all of this. James said that Howard and Fred had their blow out. He asked if that's the biggest blow up. Gary said that was one but then Fred walked off the show when Howard went through his bag. He said that one really set Fred off. James said he was talking about when Fred and his wife had issues. Gary said that's a third time that there was a blow up.
James said he has a brother that he's closer to now than ever because they've worked things out. He said there's this quiet understanding of one another. He said he feels like that's what Howard and Fred have. Jon said that's a good explanation.
Jon wrapped up, got in some plugs for Sternthology and for James. They were done around 11:40am.