|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking to George Takei who was sitting in this morning. Howard said it's always good to have George in. He had him do a quick announce. George read a couple of lines about George Clooney and his engagement.
Howard said that was beautiful. He said when George was the announcer at his birthday bash he called Rob Zombie ''Rob Zodiac.'' George said that he can't hear Howard in his headphones. Howard said they're having a technical problem. He said he thought they had it fixed. He wanted to start the show over again. Scott fixed the problem a second later. He had to hit a button. Howard said a few seconds ago they weren't even able to get it out on the air.
Howard told George about the Rob Zodiac thing and said he thought it was supposed to be a joke. George said he's not sure where that came from. He said he kind of likes that name. Howard said he thinks it's a great name. George said he was actually his neighbor. He didn't know that until Rob told him that. George said he does like to get things right so he was upset he got it wrong.
Howard said he read that Larry King tweeted out his condolences to Robin Williams and called him Robert Williams. He said Piers Morgan immediately tweeted out that he was a dummy. Howard said Larry had commented on Piers on this show and then Piers got very offended by it. Howard said Larry said Piers made the show more about himself than he guests. He said Piers tweeted out that Larry was the one who ruined CNN's ratings and not him. He said they've been going back and forth on Twitter with that. Robin said the fact that Larry is fighting with anyone is funny. Howard said Larry apologized for the Robin Williams thing. Howard said he thought about that with George and Rob Zombie. He said he's glad that Rob didn't get upset with him.
George wondered why Rob would give himself the name Zombie. Howard said he loves horror movies and he likes that. George said he is the most pleasant guy. Howard said it's just a theatrical thing. Howard said he's not sure what his real name is. He said his wife's name is Sheri Moon Zombie. George said he met her too and they live in the same neighborhood as he does.
Howard said that he loves Rob's look. George said he has a very pleasant personality too. Howard said he just read that his name was Robert Cummings. Howard said no one is going to remember that as a metal name. George said he did christen him as Rob Zodiac. He said he apologizes for making a mistake like that. Howard said he thought it was funny actually. He said he heard George apologized to Rob on Twitter. George said he had to apologize to a handicapped woman on Twitter. George said there is a meme going around on the internet. Howard said he has no idea what a meme is. George said it's a comic commentary on a picture. He said it's a picture of a woman in a wheelchair standing up to get a bottle of alcohol. He said he posted that picture and he was swamped with comments about that on his Facebook page. He said he was in a huge controversy. He said he learned something from that. He said you learn something every day on social media. He said there is a whole range of degrees of handicaps. Howard said saying handicapped isn't even right. George said he meant to say disabled. Howard said he should apologize for that right now. George said it's disabled then.
Howard said George has a new documentary coming out called ''To Be Takei'' which is coming out this week. George said they started out talking about his internment camp days. He said the woman followed him around for 3 days. Robin asked if 3 days is right. George said he meant to say 3 years. He wondered wheat's wrong with him.
Howard is a part of the movie. Howard said he did it begrudgingly. George said it shows too. Robin is in it too. Howard said he's pleased to be a part of it. George said he's glad he did it and thanks him for his comments. Howard said he hasn't seen it but he did enjoy doing it. George said his agent saw it and he loved it. Howard said Don said it was really good. George said he was very flattered by the speech he gave.
Howard said you can see the movie in theaters this Friday. George said that only one theater in Manhattan is going to carry it. He said he was aghast that there is only one in Manhattan. Howard said that people will have to camp out to see it. George said he's been asking them to get it into more theaters. Howard said maybe it will get more and more theaters. He said the odds of that happening are a billion to one.
Howard said the last play he and his wife went to see was Bryan Cranston as LBJ. George said he was fantastic in that role. Howard said he sat through 3 hours of frigid temperatures there. Howard said he was shivering the whole time. Howard said it was freezing in the theater for Hedwig. Howard said these theaters should save money with the air conditioning. George said they do that to keep the audience awake. Howard said he wore a wool coat there. He said he knew they were going to crank up that air. He said it was so fucking cold in there. Howard said his wife was barely wearing anything. He said she said she was fine. Howard said he told her she was going to freeze. He said she was shivering. Howard said he told her to wear a sweater. Howard said Robin walked in and she was dressed for the summer. Howard said he was still too cold even wearing that wool coat.
Howard said this Neil Patrick Harris is great. He said he can really sing. Robin said he can sing and dance. George said he can act too. Howard said the only thing he didn't like was Neil spitting into the audience. He said he didn't like him licking the guy's glasses either. Howard said he loved the play though. He said that it was really good. He said he loves that guy and he's glad he saw the play.
George said that his play is coming to the theater there soon too. Howard said he's talking about the play ''Allegiance.'' Howard said that it's about George's life. George said it's about his time in the United States internment camps. Howard asked if it includes the story about him having sex with his camp counselor. George said it does not.
George asked if Howard will come to see the play. Howard said he may have to now. He said he really doesn't like going to the theater though. Howard said he hopes the play never gets to Broadway. George said it will. Howard said he never thought a play like that would make it to Broadway.
George mentioned Les Miserables and Howard liked the way he said it so he had him repeat it a couple of times.
Howard said in the new documentary George drives by a William Shatner poster and he says some things about that. He said Shatner actually appears in the documentary. He said that Shatner says that he has absolutely no relationship with George. George said that he made a big fuss about not being invited to his wedding. He said he's not sure why he'd do that if he doesn't know him. Howard said he thinks he finally has Shatner's attention. He said he's gotten so famous and he has such a personality. George said that's due to Howard. Howard said partially maybe. He said George is getting a lot of attention lately and Shatner may be jealous. Howard said he's actually coming in there soon. George said he'd love to be on with him.
Gary said that Shatner was given a special high chair on the set and he called the other cast members the Seven dwarves. George said that's true too. He said that they had regular sized chairs. Howard said that doesn't seem to be the right thing to do. George said that he was the last one to realize it.
Gary read that George was very good at doing an impression of Shatner on the set. George said that they were all good at that. He said Jimmy Doohan was very good at it. Howard asked George to do his impression. George did that a little bit.
Howard asked what it was like when Shatner was directing the movie. George said that Bill had to court him to do that. He said he was very reluctant. He said he was the last one to sign on to do it. He said he wasn't at the first table read for the movie. He said that Shatner became overbearingly sweet on the set of that movie. He said that he'd tell him he had a wonderful scene for him and all he had to say was ''Aye, aye sir.''
Howard said it must be upsetting when he treats him like that. George said that it really was. He said he'd come up to him calling him Georgie and ask him questions about how his coffee was and things like that. Howard said it must have upset him that he was calling him ''Georgie.'' George said he let him know he was upset about that. He said that didn't change things.
Howard said that it must have been a whole show in itself on the set. George said when he was directing he was all over the set. He said that he'd give cheer leading talks to everyone. Howard asked if he upped his price by holding out on the movie. George said yes. Howard said it was good that his dislike of Bill helped him get more money. George said yes it did.
Gary read that George and the other cast members had their lines cut by Shatner. George said that is true. He said Bill would come on the set and take the director off and they'd have a conversation. They'd come back and the set up was changed. He said it was the reaction that was the important thing for Shatner.
Howard said George called Bill ''Brad'' once. George said he caught that. Howard said he has a dislike for Bill and he called him Brad. Howard said he's had some problems with that. George said he guesses he has Brad on his mind.
Howard said Brad is in the movie. George said he thinks he steals that movie. He said that he has some great expressions in the movie. Howard said he has to see the documentary. He said one of the things he learned from that movie is that his first job as an actor wasn't The Twilight Zone. He said it was the voice over in a Japanese movie. Howard asked how he got that. George said he was going to Berkeley at the time and his father was reading a Japanese American newspaper and they were looking for people to dub in English dialog for Rodan. Howard said that was a killer movie. George said his dad told him to give it a try. He said he did and he got the job.
George said he was excited about acting from this grammar school days. Howard said that led to the Twilight Zone. George said that came much later. He said he was in a student production at UCLA and a casting director saw him. He said that he was plucked out of that and he was put in Ice Palace. He said that was his first movie. Howard said he's shocked that Shatner didn't treat him better after doing all of these things.
George said he did get to sit in Shatner's chair while he wasn't in it. George told Howard that he has the DVD for the documentary so he can watch it. Howard said he will watch it. He said he didn't know he had the DVD. George said that Howard actually opens the whole thing.
Howard said he is going to get Benjy a dwarf chair. He said he thinks that will be better. George said he wants to thank Howard for a comment he made in the documentary. Howard asked what it was. George said he wants Howard to see it for himself.
Howard said he was thinking about George being there. He said they have to take a break to get to a guest. Howard said he hasn't seen George in so long. He said he did the calculation that it's been 49 Sundays of nude wrestling that he hasn't seen him. Howard asked how the nude wrestling has been going. George said it's been fine. Howard asked how long he's been in town. George said they've been there about 10 days. He said they have an apartment there. Howard asked how long the wrestling goes on. George said it goes on for a while. Howard said he should have put that in the documentary. Howard said even if it was done tastefully it would be wonderful. George said it was tasty.
Howard asked who won the wrestling. George said they both win. Howard asked if Brad ever wants to just skip the wrestling. George said that he takes his shower and comes out of the bathroom. Howard asked what time of day this is. George said it's in the morning. George said he announces it to Brad and Brad is ready. He said he tells him it's Sunday and it's time. He said they both shower and brush their teeth. Howard said that then it's wrestling time. Brad lays on the bed waiting for him. George asked if he wants a blow by blow. Howard said of course. George said the blow comes later.
Howard asked who makes the first move. George said he goes for an armful of ass. He said he has his arms around his butt. George said they struggle a bit. Howard asked what Brad does. George said that Brad has lost a few pounds. He said something that he asked Howard to erase. George said that Gary Dell'Abate inspired that to start. Howard said Gary runs 35 miles a week and he's still fat. George said it's what you eat and the quantity of what you eat.
Howard asked George who is of greater strength. George said Brad is taller and stronger. Howard asked if he likes being overpowered. George said he loves Brad. Howard said it must be a rape fantasy. George said it's not like that. Howard asked if he ever skips the wrestling. George said he loves that part. He said he loves the warmth of their bodies struggling. Howard asked if it's almost like embarrassing to get started. George said it's a masculine and macho thing. Howard asked if it's like Brokeback Mountain. George said it's kind of like that. Howard said guys who do that are sort of in denial. George said he gets that. He said that he loves the male body with the musculature. George said he likes the feeling up of each other with their muscles flexed.
Howard asked if Brad throws him on the bed. George said that happens. Howard asked if that goes to blow jobs. George said yes.
Howard asked if it ever turns into 69. George said he's going to pay for this when he gets home. Howard said he thinks there is such a taboo with this stuff. Howard said he is kind of curious about this. He asked if it turns into the 69 thing. George said it does. Howard asked if they just want to go back and forth instead of at the same time. George said it varies from time to time. He said he likes the one on one thing.
Howard asked if he would prefer to cum and then blow Brad or the other way around. George said he gets more excited than him so he cums first usually. George said now he's just thinking about what it's going to be like when he goes home.
Howard said with gay sex he wouldn't want to perform after finishing. George said he's good at it. Howard said it must be a drag when he's already finished and he has to blow Brad for a while. George said he doesn't mind.
Howard asked if he jerks off during the week. George said he does. He said it depends on when he's feeling it. He said sometimes he doesn't. Howard said he has cut way down in his older age. George said he's 77 now. Howard said it's kind of liberating. George said it really is. George said sometimes he doesn't jerk off during the week. He said sometimes he saves it for Sunday. Howard said that it's possible that Sunday could come around and he won't be able to cum.
Howard said he's exhausted from this. George said he is too. Howard said he hopes he still has the desire at 77. George said he used to worry that he wasn't able to cum a second time. He said he's made his peace with that. He said it's the law of nature. He said they used to be able to do it 3 times a day. Howard said no wonder he gained wait. He said he has to turn him down. Howard said George is a very young looking 77. He said he thinks part of that is that he cums so much. George said it could have to do with that.
Howard said he wants to play a little game with George. He said he has to choose one or the other. He gave him Bill Shatner and Osama Bin Laden. George picked Shatner. He picked him again when he asked Shatner or Hamas. George said he picked Vladimir Putin over Shatner though.
Howard said one of the Star Trek cast died at the age of 78. She was on the TV series. Howard asked if George is mad that it was Arlene Martel and not Shatner. George said he's not.
Howard told George about Benjy getting his ass fingered by Perez Hilton. George said he heard about that. He said he wants to hear more about that off the air.
Howard asked if they show George's feet in the documentary. George said he knows Howard tried to get that in there. He said it's not. Howard said that he thinks he should show them.
Howard said George is so virile that he has cum already twice this morning. Howard said tomorrow they're going to hypnotize him like they did to Ronnie. Howard said he thinks he's going to be way more gay than they ever knew. He said that will happen tomorrow. Howard thanked George for sitting in this morning. He said you can find out more about his movie at ToBeTakei.com. They went to break after that.
Howard came back with the clip of George calling Rob Zombie ''Rob Zodiac.'' They also had a Cocknado movie parody featuring George. They had a song about George and Brad called ''Fuck Brad Anally Tonight'' too. Howard said just listen to that. George was laughing at it. Howard said that was Memet Walker who sounds like Frank Sinatra in that song.
Howard asked George to do an announce. George did one where he gave a personal message to Brad. He said he can still taste him in his mouth today after Sunday.
Howard said their next guest is Matthew Berry who has a paperback coming out (Fantasy Life: The Outrageous, Uplifting, and Heartbreaking World of Fantasy Sports from the Guy Who's Lived It). Howard said he likes to have him in to talk about their fantasy football league. Howard said he's involved with his guys there. Matt said he's in a lot of leagues actually. He said it pays his salary.
Howard said Matt's book is out in paperback now. There are three new chapters in the book. Matt said one of them is about his last visit there. He said everyone was fascinated that he was on with Howard and he gets a lot of love from other radio guys. Howard said he's glad to hear that.
Howard said that he read in the US economy companies are losing money because people are in these fantasy football leagues and they're wasting work time on it. Matt said that's a bunch of BS. He said that their math is all wrong. Howard said people are annoyed by people like Scott the Engineer who takes forever to make his picks.
Howard said Jason is such a fan of Matt's that he picks the same people that Matt picks. Matt said that's one of the problems with his job. He said he puts all of his information out there. He said it's like playing chess and giving all of your moves ahead of time.
Howard asked where he placed in their league there. Matt said he finished in fourth last time. He said Jason finished in third.
Howard asked why it's so funny that JD won the league. Matt said that JD is way into it and it's funny that he takes it so seriously. He said that's actually a good thing though. He said JD finished last a couple of years ago and all Will does is make fun of JD. He said the fact that he beat Will is great. Howard asked how much they win. Matt said it's like $600. He said they get a trophy too.
Howard said they send the trophy out to get engraved and JD was so worried that it wasn't going to get sent back to him. Gary said JD wanted to accompany the trophy. Matt said that's how important it was to him. Howard asked if JD goofs on Will after he wins. JD came in and said he doesn't like to stoop to his level. He said he did send him a text though. He said it was just ''Whoa'' and Will texted back ''Noooooo''.
Will came in and said that was a nightmare. He said JD couldn't beat him in a foot race if his life depended on it but he beat him in that. He said that he had the best team in the league and then he's beaten by dopey over there. JD said it wasn't the best team. Howard said he can see why this could cause problems at work. Matt said that he thinks it can actually help out with people at work to communicate better.
Howard said that Will got out of being commissioner in their league. Will said part of that was because Matthew was such a pain in the ass. He said he had to get out of it. Matt said that Will had some very confusing rules. He said that no one wanted to go against Will so they'd send him emails privately. Will said Matt came into their league and he was saying what the rules should be. Howard said Will is such a hot head. Will said he knows but he can't help it.
Jason is now the head of their league. Will said he's just as much of a pain in the ass as Berry is. Howard asked Jason what he's doing. Jason said he's not irritated by Matt. He said he's on top of stuff and he's not shy. He said everyone has a different passion about it. Jason said he takes screen shots of everything he does.
Howard said Matt wants to have a punishment for the loser in the league. Gary said they wanted to do it like Jimmy Kimmel does. He said that they wanted to be able to kick people out of the league for the next season. Gary said they were thinking about doing that but they backed out at the last minute.
Howard said that Gary did really bad last time. Matt said that Gary had the lowest numbers in a lot of the categories they keep track of. Howard said it's almost impossible for someone to do that. Gary said he has been in the finals before and he has done very well before.
Howard asked if this makes Matt lose respect for Gary. Matt said he went 3 and 23 last year. He said that doesn't make him lose respect. He said it would be impossible for Gary to do that poorly again. He said he drafted a bunch of players from the Atlanta Falcons and they were a horrible team. He said Gary had all of his eggs in one basket.
Howard said Scott is hated because he takes so long to make his picks. The guys said that he waits until it's his turn to go through the paper work. Then he'll take 5 minutes to make a pick and it's someone that was already picked earlier in the picks.
Howard said he thinks they should have a punishment in their league. Matt said he has a list of the punishments they have in other leagues. One was that they have to get a tattoo. Howard said that JD could have called out what Tattoo Gary had to get. JD said he doesn't want that. Howard said that's so great. Matt said that there's one league where the loser has to dress like a lion while the rest of the guys chase him with paintball guns. There's another one where the loser gets pelted with tomatoes. Matt said another one has a rule where the loser has to get a belly button piercing. Howard said these are all great.
Howard asked what Matt has had to do as a punishment. He said there was one where the loser had to sand on a street corner with a sign that says ''I Suck at Fantasy Football.'' Howard said he thinks that they should do the tattoo thing. JD said no way he's doing that. Gary said you can get a henna tattoo but that would last about 3 months. Gary said he thinks they could do that from Memorial Day to Labor Day. All of the guys were on board for that except for JD. Jason said if the loser doesn't go trough with it then they're out of the league.
Matt said the guys you hear on air are the same guys you hear in the league.
JD said that his win over Will was the best moment in his life. He said it was better than just about everything.
Howard said Matt says that Jon Hein is passive aggressive. Matt said that he will pick great teams and then he'll say that his kicker isn't that good or something. He said that's the reason he thinks he's passive aggressive.
Will said that there is a lot of luck involved in this. Matt said Will is good at playing but he's not as good as he thinks he is. Gary said that it's a skill game until someone not as good wins. Then it becomes a game of luck. Matt said that he does think Will is a better player than JD. He said Jon Hein is a better player than Will. Matt said the reason Will hasn't won is because he doesn't have patience.
Jon said that he has won the league 3 times. Will said that was all luck. He said that he shouldn't have won. He said it drives him nuts. Howard said that Jon is better then. Will said Jon is good at everything and it irks the shit out of him. Jason said he won once and he will help Will out.
Howard asked what the trophy looks like. JD said it's a big stand with a football on it. Jason said they have a picture of it on Twitter. Robin said it's funny that JD has never touched a football but he has a football trophy. Will said JD is shaped like a football.
Howard asked if Scott has ever won. Gary said he hasn't. Scott came in and said that he has 90 seconds to choose his players and he doesn't want to just take 5 seconds to do it. Robin said they say he picks people who have already been chosen. Matt said he's fine with 90 seconds but it's a problem when it turns into 5 minutes. Scott said that never happens.
Scott said that he has nothing to do with the injuries that his picks get. Howard asked how his picks are. Matt said they're middle of the pack.
Matt said the one they haven't talked about is Steve Brandano. Howard said that's because no one cares about him. Matt said that he has his own rules about how they should play. He said he's a huge Patriots fan and he gets upset with people who pick ''his guy'' in the game. Scott said Matt did that to him last year. Howard said just listen to how dumb this whole thing is.
Howard said George is sitting there thinking about blowing Brad. George said he isn't interested in this at all.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going on but he wants to give Matthew a plug. He said you can get his book in paperback now. It's called ''Fantasy Life: The Outrageous, Uplifting, and Heartbreaking World of Fantasy Sports from the Guy Who's Lived It''. Matt said he also runs a web site called Rotopass.com
Howard said Matt was also at the Birthday Bash and he claims that Steven Tyler was hitting on his wife. Howard said he thought he was hitting on Beth. Matt said he was hitting on both.
Matt said the Birthday Show was great and he thinks that Howard being able to do that after 30 years is amazing. He said that Howard is still peaking. Howard said he's actually still trying to figure it all out.
Matt said he was there at the birthday show and a friend of his wanted to get a picture with Steven. He said they were trying to figure out how to pass it off. Matt said he could just go over and talk to him since he was hitting on his wife. Howard asked if he was worried she was going to run off with him. Matt said she wasn't interested but she did say if Adam Levine hit on her then she'd be out of there. Matt said that Steven backed off as soon as he found out she was married.
Howard asked Matt about giving advice on Twitter and how people go off on him. Matt said he had to stop looking at his account after he'd post something. He said he has to not look at it for a few days after. He said people will tell you that you suck if you get something wrong.
Howard asked if Matt is the guy who helped this spread throughout the country. Matt said he thinks that's a fair assessment. He said he thinks he helped make it mainstream. Howard said he ruined the work environment single handedly.
Howard asked when they're going to do their draft. Jason said it's coming up soon and they're going to play it on Howard 101 when they edit it down.
Matt said they have an opening in the league. They're looking for someone to join. They want a celebrity. Howard said they were going to go after Seth Meyers. Jason said they were thinking he's too busy to take it seriously. Gary said that it's not that. He said they just couldn't make up their minds. Jason said that Jerry O'Connell was kicked out of the league. One of the reasons was because he'd only pick Cowboys or Giants. They found that annoying.
Jason said they had some other people and they think they're going to go with Lisa Ann the porn star. She has a show there at Sirius and she will take this stuff seriously. JD said that he tried to get her in last year.
Howard asked if there is anyone better at this than Matt. Matt said there are but none of the names would mean anything to Howard. Howard asked if George is still awake over there. George hadn't said anything during this segment.
Matt said that they were going to take the Wonderlic test that the NFL players all have to take. Matt said it's very hard. He said that he made fun of it in the past but no more. He said the test isn't as easy as you'd think it is. Howard said he's not sure why they make them take this test. He said they've already done their time in college and all of that. Matt said they did this and they have the results. They did this to pick who goes in what order in the draft.
Matt said the person with the lowest score was Steve Brandano with a 13. Robin asked if he's good at playing. Matt said he plays with his heart a lot. Howard said it's not good to know that you're kind of dopey. He asked if he's okay being last. Steve said they did this at the last minute on a Sunday afternoon.
Matt said that Ben Barto is next with a score of 15. Will said the test is way harder than you'd expect it to be. Matt said Will is at number 8 with a 19. Will said it's a really hard test. He said he took it at 10 in the morning on a Sunday.
Jason was at number 7 with a score of 20. Next up was Lisa Ann with a 20. Matt said that they offered to let everyone take it twice if they weren't happy about their score. Matt said Scott came in next with a score of 30. Scott said he took it twice and he had a 21 the first time.
Matt said that he had a 32 so he's 4th. He said then with a 33 is JD Harmeyer. He's getting the third pick. Howard asked Matt who he would pick first. Matt said he'd go with Adrian Peterson. The guys questioned that. Matt said he thinks his explanation would bore Howard.
Howard said George is over there wondering why he picked today to come in. George said he stole the thought right out of his head.
Matt said Gary came in second with a score of 38. Will said he took the test at least 3 times. Gary said he's all for throwing this out. He said he took the test a second time and then went to a third computer. He said he did take it three times and he's all for throwing the whole thing out. Howard said none of it is accurate then. He said that if you take it three times then of course you're going to score higher.
Howard asked who came in number 1. Jon Hein did and he took it twice. Jon said he did take it once and then it reset. Howard said they should have just picked names out of a hat. Gary said a lot of teams go by how they finished last season.
The guys were talking about how they argue about this league all the time. Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy Matthew is so important to this world. He said that Howard has no idea how important he is. Howard said he really doesn't care about the whole thing.
The guys told Howard that Matt has hung out with Jay Z. Matt said he did get invited to his draft. He said that he has Chris Paul in his league too. Howard asked if there are any white guys in his league. Matt said that there are some. One of them is his agent. Matt said that he's been to the draft twice and he's going to it this year too. Howard asked if they use the N-word in the draft. Matt said if they did he didn't hear it or notice it.
Howard asked if he became aware of the split between Beyonce and Jay Z. Matt said they only talk about football when he hangs out with him. He said that he's never talked to him about his personal life. Matt said he also talks to Dale Earnhart Jr. and Evan Longoria about this stuff. He said he's always happy to do it. He said the more celebrities there are in it the more other people will get into it.
Howard asked how much the buy in is in Jay Z's league. Matt said he'd rather not say. He said the winnings are in the hundreds of thousands of dollars though.
Howard said George and Benjy are so bored over there that they've made each other cum twice now. Howard gave Matt some plugs for his web site and book. He mentioned the site FantasyLifeTheBook.com
Howard said he thinks that he'd ban this at work. Will said he would if he were Howard. Howard said that he doesn't want to hear about this at work at all. Matt said all of the email he gets from the guys comes at night or on the weekends after work.
Howard said they had to balance the show out with this after talking about gay stuff for an hour with George. Howard said he thinks he'd be in if they did a Fantasy Bachelor game. George said he'd be in too. Matt said it's a great way to learn about football.
Howard asked Matt where his wife is. Matt said that she's there. Gary said that Matt is in a league with his wife and kids and the wife's ex-husband. Howard had the guys bring in the wife. Her name is Beth. Howard asked if she was tempted to leave with Steven Tyler that night at the birthday show. Beth said he looked like a pirate that night. Howard said he's very charming. Howard said that Beth is lovely. He said he can see why everyone wants to hit on her.
Matt said that Beth's Facebook account blew up when Howard asked her for that last time. He said that their poor son will post pictures of her on the Instagram and he'll get a lot of comments about that. Howard asked what cup size she is. Beth said she might be a D-cup. Howard asked George if he noticed them. George said he did. Howard wrapped up and ended the interview a short time later.
Howard came back and said this song is great. He asked where this version is from. Fred said it was from a version he did for some charity event he did for disabled kids. Howard said he has just about every version of every Bowie song but not this one. Howard said he just has to listen to the song. He let it play a little longer.
Howard said Boy George said that his influence to get into music was David Bowie. Fred told Howard that the song is on the Bridge School Benefit album if he wants to download it.
Howard had George Takei do a quick announce. He did one about Benjy and how he is no actor after seeing him in Sharknado. He said he should stick to getting fingered in the ass.
Howard said he has such a great delivery. Howard was calling him Georgie since that's what Shatner used to call him. George said that Bill did his documentary so he's like family. George said that Howard has family there too.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Howard really does have a family there. She said that George was in the Daily News and the Post today talking about how much Howard helped him out.
Mariann said that AGT was spectacular. She said that Heidi and Taylor Williamson did that sketch and it was great. Howard said it really was great.
Howard said he saw out of the corner of his eye where Mel B was on the phone during a commercial break. He said that she was holding the phone up looking at herself. He said she was doing video conferencing from the stage. Howard said then Heidi gets sucked into that. He said in the next break Heidi was on the phone with someone doing the same thing. He said she's showing herself at work to her boyfriend. Howard said he sees this and he thinks they should be thinking about what's coming up next after the commercial break. Howard said they're constantly busy with that. Howard said then Heidi leans toward Mel B to show her what she's doing and she falls out of her chair. She said Heidi falls right out of her chair. Howard said he was cracking up so hard. He said that she should be paying attention. Howard said he looked over at his wife and she didn't see it. Howard said his wife loves when people fall and she missed it. Howard said they actually shows that on the show and he loved it. Howard said he's so glad they did show it.
Howard said he was so glad he was watching when she fell. Howard said he likes to see what they're doing there. Mariann said they don't stop there. Howard said he wants to pay attention to his job. Robin said she looked up at one point and there were a bunch of kids on stage. Robin said it turned out they were Heidi's kids. Howard said she has four and Robin said it looked like the United Nations up there. Howard said sometimes it's both Mel B's kids and Heidi's kids. Howard said he has to ask the kids to leave because he has to sit down and they're sitting in his chair.
Howard said he learned that Heidi is not fully shaved when she fell down. Howard said she popped right back up though. Howard said all you see his him turning his head to crack up. Howard said he didn't make a move at all. He said he just watched the whole thing.
Howard said he's the worst in an emergency. Robin said Howard didn't help her get up at all. Howard said he moved her on to the next round and gave her the million dollars.
Mariann said Robin went out the door with the regular people and took a selfie with her. Mariann said there are 10 more shows and started to scream. Howard hung up on her and played her out with a theme song.
Howard took a call from Bobo who was calling in from Florida. He recently moved there. Howard asked Bobo what the temperature is there. Bobo said it's about 84 degrees right now. Bobo said that he was out walking this morning and he was feeling the heat. Howard said he should take off that stupid toupee and just live with it off. Bobo said it's uncomfortable in the heat. George said Shatner took the ALS ice bucket challenge with his toupee on. Howard said that he's not sure why anyone is doing that. Howard said years from now they're going to find out that ALS is caused by ice water being dumped on people. Robin asked how this is raising money. Howard said he learned that they went from like $1.something million to 14 million in donations. Howard said that they are contributing more now. Howard said he'd suggest just donating money instead of doing the ice bucket challenge. George said that it is getting the word out. Robin said other charities are upset about it because they're not getting the money they would usually get. Robin said that this started in the golf world and ALS sort of clasped on to it. Howard said that someone is going to die from it.
Howard asked Bobo why he wears that toupee. Bobo said that his son might cry if he sees him with his hair off. Howard asked if his son doesn't know he wears a piece. Bobo said that hair doesn't come off. He said it's not just a wig. Howard said a 7 year old should know that's a fake thing. Robin said he's going to be damaged when he finds out like when a kid believes in Santa too long.
Howard said Bobo should just get rid of that thing. He said he can give it to George to remind him of the Tribble episode.
Bobo asked Howard if it's true that he texted Beth that he wanted to bang and she said she smelled like cat poo. Howard said it really happened but Bobo doesn't comprehend what went on. Howard said he had a hard on after taking pictures of his wife. Howard said he had his Knicks shorts on and he had a boner. He said he was rock hard. Howard said he texted his wife asking where she was. He said he was all charged up and ''lets bang.'' She wrote back ''I smell like cat poo.'' Howard said that didn't stop him. He said that he was ready to go and he didn't care. George said the sweatier the better. Howard said he tweeted out the screen shot of that little text thing. He said they did end up banging.
Howard said that they have so many cats that Beth is cleaning litter boxes day and night. Howard said it doesn't matter to him though. He said he's just happy to get laid.
Howard asked where Bobo is calling in from. Bobo said he's in a town near Winter Spring. He said he went on a trail walk and he's sitting in his car now. Bobo said he walks and listens and then goes back to the car. Howard said that's fascinating. Bobo said he likes it down there. He said he doesn't have cable yet down there though. Howard said George is about as interested in this as he was in fantasy football.
George asked how many cats they have. Howard said they have six. He said they have two foster kittens and one of them is like a runt of the litter and it's adorable. He said they sit and watch all day long. George said they have a bunch of feral cats that they have around the house. He said they travel too much so they don't have any in the house. He said they have people feeding them while they're away.
Howard said he's not sure any animal would want to live through the Sunday morning wrestling thing. Howard said that he remembers La Reine Blanche. George said she passed many years ago. Howard said he remembers when Richard Montalban called him about the dog. George said that he was fooled by that. Howard said that was Kidd Chris who made that call. He played the prank call they were talking about where Chris called George as Ricardo Montalban.
After that they played Kidd Chris' Sulu Dance song too. George asked where Kidd Chris is now. He said he seems to move around a lot. Howard said he does move around a lot. Howard said Chris is doing very well right now. He said he talks a lot to him. Howard said he thinks he's in Cincinnati now. Howard said he hears he's doing very well there. Howard said he thinks he's actually broadcasting from Mars. Howard said he's a good guy. Howard said he heard that he just got a job on the Gaza strip. Howard said that was Kidd Chris doing the Sulu Dance song.
Howard said what's weird is that if you're beating off George can't go in the other room and do it. He said that you'd think that Brad would want to have fun on other days other than Sunday. George said that they all happen when Brad is involve with something. He said he's not very spontaneous. George said he's never initiated. Howard asked if he ever did. George said he did when he was younger. Howard said he thinks it's fun when someone else initiates. George said that they used to do it after a good run. He said they'd shower together. Howard asked when that stopped. George said it stopped before they stopped running.
Howard asked if he uses soap to beat off. George said he does and he uses hotel soaps that he saves. Howard said he's a wealthy man. George said he is also a conservationist. He said he uses those soaps and soaps up his body. He said there is so much waste in this world. He said they take home food from restaurants. Howard said Brad must not leave much over on his plate based on his size. George said he's the one who takes home. George said he believes in not wasting. He said he's very generous with everything so it's not about the money.
Howard asked if they shower together at all. George said they don't. He said he should initiate it. Howard said they say masturbation causes isolation. Howard said it's impressive that he beats off at 77. Howard asked if he uses Viagra. George said that he does not. He said he doesn't need it. He said the risks are too enormous.
Howard said maybe brad isn't attracted to him. George said he thinks he is. He said they need to keep having that discussion. He said it's a very sensitive area. Howard said he should tell Brad that he's curious if he's still attracted to him because of the once a week sex thing. Howard said you'd think it would happen on a Tuesday once in a blue moon. Brad said that maybe Wednesday he could try. He said that's a matinee day. Howard said maybe he could ask if he's still attracted to him. George said he may be able to bring that up.
Howard gave George some advice on how to ask Brad if he's still attracted. George said he has to be because they really get into it on Sundays. Howard asked if he thinks Brad beats off. George said he's not aware of it. Howard said he should ask him about that too. Howard said he should say to him that he masturbates and he's wondering if he does too. Howard said it's a very adult thing to ask. Howard said he would want to know. George said when they're there in New York they have so many things going on. He said they are exhausted from it. He said he has a lot going on this week. Howard asked what the point of the work is if your husband isn't there. He said in the end we're just animals. Howard asked if Brad is on the computer beating off. George said he really doesn't know. He said there are areas of privacy that he respects. Howard asked if he knows when Brad goes to the bathroom to take a dump. George said he knows when he's in the bathroom. He said that the scent turns him off. Howard asked if he's comfortable shitting because he knows Brad will smell it. George said that it doesn't stink. He said Brad even says that. Howard said his doesn't smell that bad either. He said if you eat right it doesn't smell so bad.
Howard asked if his shit floats. George said it just sinks. Howard said they say it's healthy if it floats. George said he has heard that. Howard asked if Brad shits and sprays air freshener. George said that he does. He said he knows not to go into that bathroom when he uses it. George asked if they're going to spend an hour on this subject. Howard said he's glad he reminded him because it's getting late. Howard said he bets that Brad beats off. George asked what soap Howard uses. Howard said he uses Dove soap because it's unscented. George said that's what Brad uses but he tells him to use the hotel soaps. Howard said this documentary he released is going to be fascinating. He said he should have included that stuff too. Howard gave George a plug for that movie ''To Be Takei'' which is coming out this week.
Howard asked George if he uses hotel shampoo too. George said he does. He said that he has a shelf full of that stuff. Howard said he has to go to his place and see that. George said that he's not sure what they do with half used soaps and shampoos. Howard said they may throw them out. Howard asked if they take the little coffee things and toilet paper too. George said they don't. He said it's just the soap and shampoo. Howard said he takes the light bulbs and comforter. George said he made the mistake of talking about that to a writer. He said when he did Third Rock from the Sun they wrote that into the episode he was on. He said they had him stealing a towel from a hotel room. Howard said they had to take a break after that.
Robin started her news with a story about the ice bucket challenge. Howard said he hates that thing. Robin said he's the only one. Howard said he's not the only one. Robin said a lot of people have been doing it. Howard said he told Chris Christie that it's very dangerous. George said he did it. Howard asked if he donated to ALS. George said he did. Robin said you video tape yourself doing the challenge and then you post it and challenge other people to do the challenge or donate. Robin said that's how it works. George said he challenged Buzz Aldrin, Neil deGrasse Tyson and Ian McKellen. Howard said it's so silly. George said that it raises awareness and raises money. Robin said they are raising a lot of money because of this. She had an example of someone taking the ice bucket challenge.
Howard said he was at a concert and he ran into Roger Waters. He said that he came up to him and said ''Thanks a lot.'' Howard said he's not going to change the way he feels about the guy. Howard said that he has had a lot of conversations with the guy and he isn't going to try to convince him to change his mind. Robin said he could have tried to educate him. Howard said he has to educate himself. Howard said he saw Chris Christie, Matt Lauer and others. He said that he had a great time there. Howard said that James Brolin and Barbra Streisand there. He said that James came out of the bathroom and shook hands. He said that's not cool. Howard said Don Johnson was there and he still looks like he did in the 80s. Howard said the guy still looks good. Howard said he talked to Charlie Rose and Bill O'Reilly and Sting. He said he talked to Penny Marshall and a bunch of others. He said he saw Spike Lee there but he didn't talk to him. He said they just see each other and it's awkward. He said he sat across from Robert De Niro who obviously doesn't want anything to do with him. He said he tried talking to him but he looks like he's disgusted with him. He said he was gabby with the governor but not with him. Howard said he heard Paul McCartney was there but he didn't see him. He said that Pharrell was there and he talked to him. Howard said it was a star studded event. Howard said he also spoke to Harvey Weinstein. He said he has very little to say when he sees him. He said he is always looking for the next better person to talk to. He said he wants to be in with the in crowd. Howard said he saw Leon Black who hired him there at Sirius. Howard said he saw Bob Kraft too. He said it was wall to wall celebrities.
Howard said Gladys Knight came out and performed. He said Jon Bon Jovi came out and so did Jamie Foxx. Howard said he and Jamie gave each other a big hug. He didn't get to see him play though. Howard said he and Jamie professed their love toward one another. He said that he felt bad that they had that thing going on a few years ago. Howard said that he had no animosity toward him but Jamie did with him. Howard said they're fine now though. Howard said his wife was the one who wanted to get out of there. He said he would have stayed even longer. Robin asked if Jack Nicholson was there. Howard said he was. He had to do a live commercial read and then go to break after that.
After the break, around 9:40am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about some Broadway stars who are sleeping on the streets of New York City. Robin had some audio of one of the stars talking about why they're doing this to raise awareness for the homeless problem.
Robin read about how Ian Ziering is asking for more money to do Sharknado 3. Howard asked if he has seen the movies and wondered how he's going to get more money. Robin said that he's thinking that he should be credited with some of the success. Howard said he's not sure what leverage he has with that. Howard said he's rooting for him to get more money though. Robin said they say they're prepared to get rid of everyone. Howard said Luke Perry is out there just waiting to take that role. Howard asked Benjy if he would take less money. Benjy said he would do it. He said he knows he'll get the money though. Howard said he gets the idea that Ian Ziering is getting career advice from Jackie Martling.
Robin said Bill Clinton is turning 68 tomorrow. Robin said that Kevin Spacey prank called Bill with Hillary. Robin had some audio of it and it didn't make any sense to Howard.
Robin read about what's going on with people marching in Ferguson, Missouri over the shooting of an unarmed black teen. Robin had some audio of someone talking about how we need to be educated and come together to stop racism. Robin said the teen was shot 6 times, twice in the head and all from the front. Robin said that it was not at close range like some stories were saying. Robin had some audio of Al Sharpton making a speech out there in Ferguson. Robin had clips of other people speaking there as well. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about 15 people being shot over the weekend in New York City over the weekend. Robin had some audio of someone talking about some of the shootings.
Robin read a story about Robin Williams and how they're saying he made a video for a woman who is dying of cancer in New Zealand. Robin said that he made her a personal video where he was doing shtick for her and saying encouraging things just a couple of days before he hanged himself in his home. Robin said Rob Schneider was also saying that he feels that the suicide may have been from the drugs he was taking to help with his Parkinson's disease. Robin said a lot of people had no sympathy for this situation. Howard said there are a lot of people like that on Twitter. He said they seem to revel in beating people. Howard said you have to be some kind of maniac to go after the guy's daughter. Howard said the real victim there is Lauren Bacall who died after Robin Williams did. Howard said that she's hardly getting any press. Howard said he read about people calling him a coward for killing himself. He said he's sick of people saying that they're cowards. Howard said they were just so sad and troubled that they felt they had to kill themselves. Howard said maybe it was the medication he was on. He said no one knows. Robin said they say Rush Limbaugh didn't have nice things to say either. Howard said some people use the opportunity to create a name for themselves. Howard said he read that a PR firm was saying that you should seize the day and get booked on shows during something like that. Howard said it's horrible. Howard said you know when someone is trying to take advantage. Howard said he won't do that when George dies. George said he wants to die with dignity.
George mentioned that he and Brad are going to be buried in a crypt together. Howard said that's what he wants. George said that Brad is the one who wanted that. He said his parents have a crypt there in this place he's talking about. He said Brad's mother died and she lived in the White Mountains in Arizona. He said she wanted her ashes to be scattered there. Howard said that he is so frugal that you'd think he'd want to be put in the same crypt as his parents. George said that he didn't think of that. Howard said that he and Brad should be in the same crypt doing 69. George got a laugh out of that. Howard said they should put their penises in each other's mouths. Howard asked if Shatner can come to his funeral. George said that he's hoping to go to Bill's first. He almost said Brad when he was saying Bill. Howard said there's a lot going on there. He said there's something odd about that. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Gaza cease fire and how they may be close to an agreement. Robin said they hope that continues.
Robin read that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles beat out the Expendables movie. Robin said that The Giver came in at number 5. George said he won't go see The Expendables. He said he did see The Giver. He said he doesn't like Arnold's acting. He said it's a very robotic performance. He said that Arnold was carrying on with his housekeeper while he was against marriage equality.
Howard asked if George will see the Ninja Turtles. George said he did see The Giver and it was a lousy movie. Robin said that Boyhood came in at number 10. Robin said that George saw that one.
Robin read a story about a woman who had two breast implants made of cocaine. Howard said that you should put that stuff where guys don't stare. He said that's crazy to get something like that done. Howard said they should just let her through. Robin said they found her acting suspicious and the frisked her and found her breasts to be misshapen. She had almost 2 kilos of cocaine in her breasts. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
During that commercial Howard and George ended up talking about penis dribbles and George revealed that both he and Brad are uncircumcised. Howard said that's unusual. He said he gets it with George but not Brad. He said he's shocked. Robin said Fred isn't circumcised either. Howard said he's shocked by that too. Howard asked George about the cock cheese in there and if he gets that. George said he hasn't had that in a long time.
Robin read a story about a man who admitted to having sex with at least 100 dead women. Robin said he was a morgue attendant. Howard said just imagine that. Robin said the guy said it was when he was high or had drinks before going to work. Howard said it has to be against the law. Robin said she thinks it is. She said you're not supposed to defile corpses. Robin said the guy's wife would say her husband reeked of sex when he'd come home from work. Robin said one of the women he had sex with was a 23 year old. Robin said she's not sure what his sentence was. Howard said he thinks it would just be facing your parents. Howard imagined what that would be like in front of his parents. Howard did both of his parents voices and had George cracking up as he created the conversation.
Robin read about how people are reaching out to Gwyneth Paltrow after the news broke that Chris Martin is dating Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said he traded up and it's embarrassing to Gwyneth.
Robin said that Elizabeth Vargas is going back to rehab. Howard said he thinks she can beat it this time. Howard got back to the Chris Martin thing and said that he's looking for power unions. Howard said just imagine if George hooked up with a famous gay guy. Robin said Neil Patrick Harris is already spoken for. Howard said maybe Elton John. Howard asked which gay celebrity he would want to be with. George thought about it and said if Tab Hunter was still the Tab Hunter he was back in the day... Robin mentioned Andy Cohen. George said he does like him but not him. Robin said maybe Michael Sam the football player. Howard said maybe Perez Hilton. George said no to him. Howard said that maybe Zachary Quinto. George said he was great in the Glass Menagerie. Howard said he saw that. George said that Brad in his prime was a race horse. He said he worked with Zach in Heroes. Howard said they'd be some power couple. Howard said just imagine George and Anderson Cooper. George said he can imagine that. George said he is charming. Howard said just imagine the power they'd have together. Howard said they'd be at these red carpet events together. Howard said they'd have so much clout in the business. Howard said he would be in even more demand. George said he's somewhat of a cougar though. He said he has to think about younger people. Howard mentioned Ricky Martin. George was into that too. Howard mentioned Barney Frank. George said he'd be an interesting conversationalist. Howard said he'd suggest Richard Simmons but Richard is looking for a wife. George said he didn't know he was straight. Howard said that's what he claims when he comes in there.
Howard asked if George ever thinks about that power couple thing. George said that he did think about Malcolm Forbes back in the day. Howard poor Brad. Robin said Adam Lambert might be good. George said that he's not his type. He said he has heard he's hung though. They went through a bunch of other gay celebrities. George said he likes someone with musculature. He was turning down a few over that. Howard threw out Jeffrey Dahmer. George asked where that came from. Howard said maybe Ru Paul. George didn't seem into that. Howard said maybe George and Bill Shatner. George laughed. George said he has no problem with Bill. Howard said he does but he backed off a short time later. They finished the show around 10:30am.
Jon mentioned that Howard was freezing at the theater over the weekend. Jon said he's okay with the A/C himself. Jason said that he and Jon are fine with it but the skinny guys complain about it being too cold in the office.
Jon said Howard knows very little about football and has zero interest in fantasy football. Matt said he tried. Jon said that Matt said that they all act the same way in the league that they do on the air. Jon said they all have their flaws and they all copped to them pretty much.
The guys talked about how Scott takes up a lot of time making his picks in the draft. Matt said Howard doesn't understand fantasy football but he seems to get the appeal of it. He said he thought that was great.
Gary said he had a great conversation with Fred during the break. Gary said he asked if he wished he was in their league. He said Fred said it sounds like a hell of a lot of fun. Gary said if Fred got into it he'd end up getting pissed because you want to win so bad. Jon said it's not even about the money. He said it's about the bragging rights. Jon said that Will should come down to talk about this. He said he's so frustrated by their league. He said he's really into sports and he gets so upset that he never wins.
Jason said he took some dings today. He said he doesn't just follow all of Matt's picks. He said he has learned a lot from him though. He said Will just gets angry at him over the whole thing. He said Will fills his head with stuff he doesn't need to know to win.
Jon said he and Will are both frustrated by Jason. He said he's a smart guy and he has gotten better at Fantasy Football but he's not into regular football that deep.
Gary asked Matt if it's true that when you win you're good and if someone else wins then it's luck. Matt said that is an easy excuse to go to.
Gary said they had a guy in their league who always comments on everyone else's picks. Jon said every league has a guy like that. He said they had to take a break after that.
Will said that things just happened to go JD's way last season. He said he had the better picks but JD lucked out.
Gary said he feels for Will. He asked how many leagues he's in now. Will said he's in 3. Gary said Will has a family to raise now and he can't spend the time he used to on this. Jon said his kids appreciate his picks. He said sometimes it does just come down to the breaks. Will said that he's won other championships before.
Matt said that he thinks it's great that the guy who lost in last place for years came in first last season. He said JD won and that was very fitting in his opinion.
Jon said winning that championship was better than any sex JD has had. JD said pretty much. Jon said JD is going to see his name on that trophy this time. JD said he is the champ and the title is his.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about their picks and Steve Brandano said that he's not going to participate this season. He said he thinks the league has passed him by and he's done. He said last season was his last season. He said he's not going to put the time into it that the rest of them do. He said he just wants to enjoy football again. Steve said he just doesn't want to do it anymore.
Gary said he thinks Steve is being a little emotional today. Steve said he's really not. Gary said in the middle of the season is he going to feel left out. Steve said it's just too much for him. He said that Gregg Karmel wants in and he has moved along there and he's going to try to make the Howard Stern Show the best show he can.
Gregg came in and said that he hasn't begged to get into this. Gary asked if he can call Seth Meyers. Will told Gregg he's out again. Gregg said he's played in other leagues. He said if he's in then fine but if he's not then don't dangle that carrot. Jon said that Gregg is really good and he knows what he's doing. Jason said he thinks that Gregg is on their very short list of people to have in the league. Gregg said if he doesn't get in the league this time then he doesn't want in.
Gary and Matt spent a couple of minutes talking about spending time watching games and all of that.
Jon said that they have to talk about the Wonderlic test. Gary said he must have missed the note on Friday about it. He said he got up Saturday morning to take the test. Gary said most of the stuff is hard. He said he took the test and he had seen all of the complaints. He said he got to the 12 minute mark and it rest. He said he called Will and Jon and said he thinks he knows what to do. He said the same thing happened. Gary said he got home last night after visiting family and he took the test again. He said it was an annoyance and he wasn't looking to take it 3 times to get a better score. He said Jason said that his didn't count because he took it 3 times.
Matt said he had seen the first three scores and they were all over. He said that the people who took it twice had higher scores so he told everyone to take it twice to make it fair.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there's a lot of luck and skill involved. He said years aback he had some picks and he ended up losing on the last game to a Dan Marino bootleg. Gary gave him a bit ''Wahhh!'' for that. The guy gave them another example of how he lost. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the punishment in the league. He said they were going to go with what Jimmy Kimmel's league did by kicking someone out the day of the draft. They were going to try that but someone didn't want to go for it so they passed on it. Jon asked JD who he would have kicked out this year if they had that rule. JD said he doesn't think he'd kick out Jason because he wouldn't want to deal with the repercussions. He said he wouldn't kick out Jon. He said Will would be a leading candidate. Will said that Scott would be on the list. Will said he'd throw JD right out the window if he did that to him. JD beat him to the fat joke by saying Will wouldn't even be able to lift him up because he's so fat. Will told him he can't do the joke himself.
Jon asked if they would do what Howard suggested with the tattoo. Some of the guys were okay with it. Gary said that they'd have to get it wherever the winner says they'd have to. Matt said that the winner picks the tattoo and the loser picks where it should be.
Jon said Lisa Ann is in the league. Steve Brandano is out and he may be replaced by Gregg Karmel. Jason said Gregg is he leading non-celebrity. Fred is also on that short list but as a celebrity. The punishment is still up in the air.
Jon said they're all looking forward to the draft. He asked Lisa G to give them her Howard 100 News headlines. Lisa ran down a few and then they ended the show. They were done around 11:30am.
Howard started the show talking about how today they have Big Foot stopping by. He said he's out promoting his new film. He forgets the name of it. Howard said it's going to be a big hit. Gary said it's called the Jersey Shore Massacre. Robin said that sounds like something Big Foot would be in.
Howard said George Takei is also in today. He had him do a quick announce to start the show. George had a tip about not having sex with a Tribble. He said it's like sticking your dick into a bucket of rusty nails. Howard said he had no idea. He said they look fluffy and soft.
Howard said Don Pardo died at 96 years old. George is 77 years young. Howard said in the obituary they said that Don would say ''Come on dowwwwwn'' on the Price is Right to fill the time while they came down. Howard said they all knew him from Saturday Night Live but when he was a young man he went to NBC because a bunch of his buddies went down to see how to announce. He said they spoke with Don and hired him on the spot. Howard said he had that voice. Howard said George had the same thing with that unbelievable voice. George said he should audition for Saturday Night Live. Howard had him try out for him and told him not to bother trying out. He told him to stick to what he's doing.
Howard said they're hoping that they don't bury Don Pardo and they follow Casey Kasem around. Howard said who would have thought that Casey be more popular in death than in life.
Howard said that they have Ed Sheeran coming in soon. He said that Neil Young is going to be coming in too. Howard said he has been waiting for that interview for a long time. Howard said he plays 3 songs on guitar and one of them is a Neil Young song. Howard said Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys will be coming in too.
Howard said that Big Foot was on Leiberman Live last night. He played a clip of Big Foot talking to Jon Leiberman about the Iraq war.
Howard said that George is going to be hypnotized today. He said Ronnie did it a few weeks ago and he said it was like taking a nice nap. Howard said George will get to do that today. George said maybe he should come in every day and do that.
Howard played another clip of Big Foot talking to Jon Leiberman about unemployment on yesterday's Leiberman Live. Big Foot was talking about the working conditions at one of his jobs and how he quit because of what people did to him there. Howard said he'll be there today too. Howard said he had a problem on the set of the movie he shot too. Howard said he has a lot of voice mails he left for the producer after the filming. He said something went down there.
Howard played another clip of Big Foot talking about the situation in Ferguson, Missouri with Jon Leiberman. Big Foot had some thoughts on why the guy was shot. He said he thinks they need a mediator out there to help them work things out.
Howard said he hopes he has more to say today. He said he had a lot to say with Jon Leiberman. Howard played another clip where Big Foot got a plug for the Jersey Shore Massacre and he said he can't say too much about it. He said he could get in trouble for that.
Howard said he's in a mad tour promoting the film. Howard said George has a film out and so does Big Foot. George got a laugh out of that. Howard said he can make fun all he wants but it's a real movie. Howard played him a clip of Big Foot acting in the movie. They were outtakes of Big Foot being told what to say and he had problems saying that ''I live there up the river.'' Howard said that was actually the movie and not outtakes.
Robin said she read that there were issues about the wild fires that Eric started. Eric asked Robin why she has to say that. Howard said he has Gonzo Shitcock on the phone with an update on that. Gonzo said he heard that he was causing fires out in Ferguson, Missouri. Eric said he has not been out of state for almost 2 years. Howard asked if he has proof he wasn't in Ferguson. Eric said of course he does.
Howard asked Eric if he's anti police. Eric said that his dad was a cop so of course he isn't. He said that's widely known.
George asked why Eric was being so quiet during this. Eric told him not to believe any of this bullshit. Eric said that he's never unblocking Gonzo again. Gonzo said he says that all the time and he ends up unblocking him.
Gonzo said he thought about doing that Wonderlic challenge together and Eric got upset with him over that. He said that he figured he could beat Eric but Eric got upset with him. He said Eric told him to go jump off a bridge. Howard said he has accused him of a lot of stuff. Eric said that's all he does. He said he's a fucking immature prick. Gonzo said Eric just doesn't want to have fun.
Eric said that Gonzo is the one bullying him. He said that he plays the victim but he's the bully. Eric said that he's standing up to the bully. Gonzo said that he's sending him email in all caps and basically yelling at him in the email.
Howard asked about Gonzo trying to get him laid. Gonzo said he thinks he could get him a hand job. George asked why he's picking on Eric like that. Gonzo said that he's not picking on him. He said Eric sends him mean emails and stuff. George asked if that is true. Eric said that he is standing up for himself. George asked if he has been sending those emails to poor Gonzo. Eric said he's replying to his bullshit. George said he's not sure who is bullying who. He said it sounds like Gonzo is bullying Eric but now Eric is bullying him.
Gary came in and said he just spent about 20 minutes reading Eric's email and he has a ton of ideas for them. He said he has an idea to have an airline for bachelor parties with a stripper pole in it. He wants to have a section for handicapable people in the front of the plane. Eric said they would have nurses and EMTs in there too. He said they won't have nay nut products in there either. Howard said it sounds like it would only be perfect for Eric. Gary said every idea is to benefit Eric. Gary said they could never sustain that as a business. Gonzo said Eric can't even go to high elevations. Eric said he can with an oxygen tank. Howard said they could send him to the Bunny Ranch with an oxygen machine then. Eric didn't answer.
Howard asked Eric if they should have women with DD breasts on that airline. Eric said he's not sure. Gary said he has another idea where he gets in to the ''Breastaurant'' business. He said this is people who are into big slabs of meat but also DD breasts. He said it would be called Racks. Howard asked if that's a family friendly restaurant. Eric said it wouldn't be. He said that's the only one in the list that wouldn't be. He said other restaurants like that are family friendly.
Howard asked Eric if he would be the one checking the breast size. Eric said sure. Howard said Eric is like a mini Steve Jobs with these ideas.
Gary said Eric also had an idea for the King of All Media record label. He said he has an idea to make houses for little people. He said he wants to do an updated version of Dougie The Puggie. The guys said he never even finished that. Eric said he did finish it. He said it didn't get published. He said he wanted to scrap that whole story line and start over with something up to date. Robin asked what it is that he'd need to change in the time sequence. Howard said he has to go. He didn't let Eric answer.
Gary said the final idea he has is that Eric wants to prove that he is smarter than his IQ test showed. He said that he wants to create a show where he's the mastermind of a group kind of like Charlie's Angels. Eric said that Gary is mixing things up from his email. He said he's proving that he has a higher IQ by telling them these ideas.
Howard asked George what he thinks about Eric not taking any gay roles. George said he must not be a real actor if he doesn't do that. He said many straight males have taken gay roles. He named a bunch of them.
Gonzo mentioned that Eric found out he had a transsexual follower and he blocked her. Howard asked Eric to defend himself with some of this stuff and Eric's phone was cutting out. Howard did an impression of Eric cutting out like that. Howard said he's sure there's a good defense there but he can't understand him. Howard did more of the impression of the cutting out. Eric said he respects gay people and supports them. He said they have the right to be married and be in the military. He said he is not a homophobic person. George said he was being misrepresented then.
George asked why he won't take a gay role then. Eric said that people are being ridiculous. Howard asked why he won't play cross dressing man. George asked if he saw ''Dallas Buyers Club.'' Eric said he did not. Howard asked if he will watch a gay film. Gonzo said he probably thinks he'd turn gay if he did. Eric said he did see some of Brokeback Mountain. Eric said he did watch Philadelphia. He said he thought that was good.
Howard asked Eric if he asked him to play a gay lover of George's in a Star Trek movie that he wouldn't do it. Eric said no offense to George but no. George said he's not an actor then. He said a real actor can play someone other than himself.
Howard asked if Eric would kiss a man. George asked if he would kiss him. Howard said he would pay to see that. Howard asked Eric to act out a scene where he's playing George's husband. He had him say that he was in love with him. Eric said he is not doing that. Howard said he won't take a part. George said he has to take ''the actor'' off his name. Howard said he's not comfortable playing gay roles. Howard said many actors won't take gay roles because they are afraid it will hurt their image. Howard said that Eric doesn't stand alone in that. Howard said they just found one of the honest ones. Howard said Eric admits he won't take gay roles. He said there are many men who won't take that role. George said he's right about that.
Robin said even Will Smith played a gay man but refused to have a gay kiss. George said he would still chop off ''the actor'' from Eric's name.
Gonzo asked if Eric has ever had a gay dream. Eric said he has not. Gonzo said he thinks he's lying about that. Fred did his Eric impression and said ''Oh Tab Hunter...'' George said that's who he had a crush on when he was younger. Gonzo asked if he ever met Eric in the Rambles back in the day. George laughed.
Howard took a call from Reese Witherspoon who said that she wanted to act with Eric. Eric said he's not falling for that. Howard had her do a scene with Eric. She told Eric to tell her he loves her. Eric said he's not falling for that. He said he's not gullible. He didn't play along. Howard said that was a waste of time.
Howard thanked Eric for calling in. Eric told them to check out Brickleberry on September 16th. He said that's when Yucko told him he'd be on. Howard said Eric also wants to say he didn't start any wild fires. Eric said he's also not older than 39 so he wasn't around in the 70s when George was in the Rambles. Howard let him go after that and then went to break.
Howard said they got a lot of email from people who love George on the show. Howard said they want even more George. Howard said you can get more from the movie ''To Be Takei'' which is coming out this Friday. Howard read more email about George and people were suggesting that he give himself a wrestling name like ''The Underwear Taker'' or Macho Man Ass Savage. Howard said another listener writes in about the play George is bringing to Broadway called Allegiance. Howard said one man suggested that Nathan Lane play the mean guard at the internment camps.
Howard said that George is going to be doing a Twitter Q & A on August 22nd. George said he's doing some around the country as well. Howard said he's certainly busy.
Howard said that the Baba Booeys have made it to women's golf games. Howard played a clip of a guy yelling it out after a swing. Howard said that was one and he has another. Howard played the second one where a couple of guys yelled out Baba Booey when the woman took her swing.
Howard said he has a news report that's about a minute and a half. Howard said it's about a guy who wore a colander on his head at the DMV and he claimed it was a religious ornament. Howard said that he applauds this guy. He said that other people wear things and who is to say what is a religious ornament.
Howard played the report and said he's in support of this. Howard called the reporter out for her pronunciation of ''pasta'' and JD told him that it's from Canada. The guy explained that he's a Pastafarian and he has to wear the pasta strainer on his head. The reporter said that some people have been photographed in their colander in official photographs. Howard said he loves that. It's a parody religion according to the report.
Howard said there's a new name for Miley Cyrus and people are calling her Mi-Cy. Howard said that it's not that hard to say her full name. He said he'll be irritated for the rest of time if that sticks. Howard played a news report where they kept calling her Mi-Cy.
Howard said he can't wait until they hypnotize George. He said George was busy yesterday after the show making a phone call. Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made using clips of George doing his Bill Shatner impression and also calling himself Rob Zodiac. They had him calling the guy ''Georgie'' too. The guy they pranked said he was a sick fuck and a weirdo. The guy stayed on the line for quite a while though.
Howard said the guy did hang up on him. George said he's guessing the guy's name was George. Howard said everyone named George must hate being called Georgie.
Howard played a new song parody about George that Daniel Mendelson did. George said he had to have that man's name. He seemed to love his voice.
Howard played an edited clip of George talking about William Shatner and how he wanted him and other things. Howard said he lies about William Shatner. Howard said he's going to take a break and then get to Big Foot. He got in a plug saying that the Birthday Bash will stream through Labor Day. Howard said that some people haven't seen it yet. He said it's just under 2 more weeks before it's gone. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that Big Foot (Mark Shaw) is in this movie Jersey Shore Massacre. He said it seems like everyone from the show is in the movie. Howard said they haven't seen Big Foot in a long time.
Big Foot came in and Howard said this is a good look for him. He said he looks like Aqualung. Robin said he looks like Jesus Christ. Big Foot said that's a good one. He said that he did point up at the sky and told the wind to stop blowing and it stopped. He said Robin has a new look too.
Howard said that Big Foot lost a lot of weight because his car stopped working and he has to walk now. Howard asked how many miles he's walking. Big Foot said he walks about 10 miles. He said he walks to get food and things like that.
Howard said Big Foot is there to promote a film. Big Foot said it's on DirecTV. Howard asked what the plot of the movie is. Big Foot said he can't say too much about it. Howard asked what a brief outline is. Big Foot said he plays the devil in the movie. Robin asked how he got the job. Big Foot said he didn't have to audition. He said Paul just picked him. Howard asked if he had to wear make up. Big Foot said he did. He said he had horns and things like that. Howard asked if he kills anyone. Big Foot said supposedly he does. He said he can't say much about it or he'll get in trouble.
Howard said he has to give a little outline of the movie. Big Foot said he knows but he can't say too much. Howard said he could give it all away and they could sue but they're not going to get much from him.
Howard said Big Foot isn't in the movie trailer. He asked if he knew that. Big Foot said he didn't know that. Howard said he made $1000 on the movie and he spent it all on weed. Big Foot said he did. He said he smokes about 1/8th a day. Howard said he smokes cigarettes too. Big Foot said that he drinks black coffee and that keeps the cancer away. Howard said he had a growth on his back though. Big Foot said he did and he wanted to show it to Howard. He said they are checking it for cancer.
Howard said he's spending about $40 on weed every week. He only gets $70 a week in support. Big Foot said that's right.
Howard said that Big Foot got upset with the producers of the movie and he called and left a lot of voice mails for him. Howard played some of the messages he left where he was complaining about a bunch of things. Howard asked Big Foot why he would call him about that. Big Foot said he was concerned about him. Howard said that's not the producer's problem. Big Foot said he doesn't know why he did that.
Howard played another clip of Big Foot going nuts about what was going on up there. He had to barricade himself in his apartment. He said people were harassing him and throwing things at him. Howard said if he's going to be in film he can't call the producer with these problems. Big Foot said he figured he had connections. Howard said the guy said he was going nuts from all of the calls.
Robin asked how these people knew what he was up to. She said he told everyone. Big Foot said they found out somehow but he doesn't know how. Robin and Howard said he told them, that's how they found out. Big Foot said maybe that's it.
George said that he was just out promoting the film. Big Foot said they get jealous and throw things at him. He said they pull their pants down and things like that. They were looking for his money. George asked what the producer could do. Big Foot said he doesn't know.
Howard said last year Big Foot went to court and he had to prove his competency. Howard said that he was charged with aggravated assault against an officer. Howard said he was trying to burn down his own building. Big Foot said he was being attacked by liquid insulation. Howard said he shoved a sword through the door at an officer. Howard asked what he was thinking. Big Foot said he doesn't know. He said the cops were against him too. Howard said that the cops were banging on the door. Big Foot said they were there harassing him. Howard asked why he would burn his own building down. Big Foot said that he was being attacked by foam insulation. He said the landlord was doing that. He said he sprayed it in the floor and it was coming up. He said the landlord was even against him.
Howard asked where he got the sword. Big Foot said he had it on his wall. He said he was running a pawn shop up there. Howard said Big Foot jammed it through the door and almost hit a police officer. Big Foot said he was just trying to scare them away. Robin said that doesn't really work. Big Foot said it does for him sometimes.
Howard said that Big Foot beat the rap and she got him off all the charges. Big Foot said he did 2 months for that in a psychiatric facility. Howard said they fixed him somehow. Howard said he had anger issues. Big Foot said the whole town of Newport was harassing him. He said they kept feeding him pills in there. Howard asked if he's competent now. Big Foot said he's still ''uncompetent'' as far as he knows.
Howard asked Big Foot to tell them about how he was making money through his mailman by fingering his asshole. Big Foot said that's what he was doing. Howard asked how he came to ask him to do that. Howard asked if he's gay. Big Foot said he isn't but he has blown guys in prison. He said he had to do what he had to do to get his ''happy smoke.'' Howard asked if he enjoyed it. Big Foot said he just puts up with it. He said he doesn't enjoy it. Howard asked if he swallows. Big Foot said he spits it back out. George asked if he liked it. Big Foot said he did. He said he enjoys sex. He said he likes men and women. He goes both ways. He said he's like a swing set, he goes both ways.
Howard asked if the mail man is attractive. Big Foot said not really. He said he'd bring his own dildos to the house. Howard asked how he came to ask him about that. Big Foot said he doesn't know. He said he gets a lot of weirdos up there.
Howard said Big Foot is a big man. He said he has very big hands. Howard said even George couldn't handle that finger. George said they look graceful. Big Foot said he is.
Howard said he must have been shocked at first. Big Foot said he was. He said you meet all kinds of people in Newport. Howard read that he would give Big Foot $50 to finger him. Big Foot said that he was a regular mail man and not the kind that wears a uniform. Howard asked if he removed his pants right away. Big Foot said he would. He said they'd watch porno while he was doing it. Howard asked if it was male on male. Big Foot said it was whatever. Howard asked if Big Foot would get nude. Big Foot said he did at times. He said the guy would give him head. Howard said he's like a prostitute. Big Foot said exactly, now he's getting the idea. Howard said this is like Pretty Woman. He said Big Foot is Julia Roberts and the other guy is Richard Gere. Big Foot said that's it exactly. Big Foot said the guy would wear girls pantyhose and panties. Howard said it sounds like there might be a Broadway play there.
Howard asked Big Foot how they decide on the money. Big Foot said they negotiate. He said it depends on what the guy has on him. Howard said he guy removes his clothes and he's in women's underpants and panty hose. Howard asked if he wears a bra. Big Foot said he doesn't have a bra. He said some guys are really weird. Robin laughed. Howard asked Big Foot if he goes and kisses the guy. Big Foot said he goes right for it and fingers him. Howard asked what position he's in. Big Foot said he's on his knees and he sticks his finger in there. He said he's gentle too. Robin asked if he makes noise. Big Foot said he jerks off so he is making noise. Howard said he's not gay since he's not jerking him off.
Howard asked if the other guy wanted him to jerk him off. Big Foot said he did but he didn't have enough money. Howard said there must be doody on his finger. He said there's not too much but there is an odor back there. Howard said it's every man's fantasy to be paid for sex.
Howard asked George to stop touching himself. He asked if he waned to be fingered in the ass. George laughed. Howard said he has to throw up after all of that.
Howard asked if the guy wanted to do it again after he came. Big Foot said that he came on the floor and he was ready to leave. Big Foot said he had insulation on the floor so he couldn't hurt it much with that. Howard asked if he just leaves it there. Big Foot said he did. He said that they were going to tear down that place and make a parking lot out of it anyway.
Howard asked Big Foot where he's living now. Big Foot said he's in Barre now. Howard asked how he gets an apartment because he thinks it would be scary to rent to him. He said he must have someone go in for him. Big Foot said that's what he does.
Howard asked what the name of this movie is. Big Foot said something about Devil Advocacy. Howard said it's called Jersey Shore Massacre. Howard said the premiere is tonight. Howard asked what he's going to wear tonight. Big Foot said he's wearing what he has on now. Howard said it looked like a lumberjack outfit.
Howard said that Big Foot claims that an actress fell in love with him on the set of the movie. Big Foot said she sat on his lap. Then she just disappeared after that. Big Foot said he has tried E-Harmony but they won't send him a reply back. Howard said that's what happened to Herman Munster too. Howard said Big Foot could find a woman if he could work his computer.
Howard gave Big Foot a plug for the movie and said that it'll be in theaters and on Demand on August 26th. Howard said he has some clips of Big Foot acting that he played earlier. Howard replayed those clips. Howard said he's like a young Marlon Brando. He said he worked in a similar way.
Howard said Big Foot has given and received blow jobs. Robin asked where the mailman is now. Big Foot said he had to leave town and he reported him to the post office. He said they were freaking out there when he told them. Big Foot said he had to move anyway so he just told them what was going on. Robin said the reason you pay is so you don't tell. Big Foot said he knows he did wrong. He said he does that occasionally. Howard asked if the guy lost his job. Big Foot said he's not sure. He said he hasn't heard from him.
Howard asked Big Foot how he prepared for the role. Big Foot said he didn't do anything. He said he's a natural. Howard asked if he will do more movies. Big Foot said he's ready to do more. Howard said that if he's in another one don't call the producer every 10 minutes leaving messages. Big Foot said he's an ''uncompetent'' guy so he doesn't know what he's doing. Howard replayed some of the messages Big Foot left for the producer of this Jersey Shore Massacre movie.
Howard said it was good seeing Big Foot. Howard asked George what he thinks. George said he is absolutely engaging. Big Foot didn't know who George was. He said maybe something will rub off onto him. George laughed. George said he's very unique and there is only one Big Foot for sure. Howard said that's a compliment.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Big Foot washes his hands after fingering the mail man. Big Foot said he does. He said he gets shit on that finger and he never knows what he's going to touch next. Howard said he's going to throw up again. Howard said he was going to take another call but he thinks he's exhausted. Howard thanked Big Foot for coming in. Howard asked if he still has scabies. Big Foot said he got rid of those.
Howard asked Big Foot if he ever pinches himself with all of this stuff going on. Howard asked if he's going to finger anyone tonight. Big Foot said he doesn't think so. Howard asked if he'd do it for 50 bucks. Big Foot said he'll do just about anything for 50 bucks. He said he'd even rob a bank for 50 bucks.
Howard said that it's a good thing Robin lived to see this interview. Big Foot said he likes her new look. He said he's fucked colored women before. He said that he had a girl named Jenny who was colored. Howard said Robin had better watch out or she'll be his date to the movie premiere tonight. They went to break a short time later. They played a Big Foot and Little Lupe prank call and some interviews Sal and Richard did with some people at Comic-Con about George Takei as they were going to break.
Howard said Hanzi is on the phone and he has a big revelation to make. Howard picked up on him and Hanzi said that he knows they're going to make fun of him. He said that he's a virgin and he's never had sex before. He said that's his revelation. Howard said that's the least shocking revelation ever. He said he always assumed he was. Hanzi said he never told anyone that. Howard asked how far he's gotten. Hanzi said he's gotten a hand job from strippers. He said that's as far as he gets.
Howard asked how old he is. Hanzi said he's 31 and he knows they're going to make fun of him. Howard said he's not going to attack him over this. Howard said he was 16 and he was out of his mind wanting to get laid. He said he could go to a prostitute. Hanzi said he's not interested in that. He said that he never wanted to fuck chicks that his friends fucked.
Howard asked why he came forward now. Hanzi said he's been keeping it covered up since he got on the show. He said that he's looking for women now. Howard said if anyone wants to bang Hanzi it'll be the ride of your life. Howard said he can give Hanzi some hope. Howard said JD found a girl to take pity on him. He said there's got to be someone out there for Hanzi. Howard told JD to tell him. JD didn't sound thrilled about doing that but he told Hanzi that there is someone out there for him. Howard played a JD theme song after that.
Hanzi said one of the reasons he kept it hidden was because he wanted to make some money as a comedian or something. Howard said he is funny. Howard said there is hope for him. He said that they have helped people on the show. Hanzi said maybe Robin should fuck him. Robin said they need to figure out what they have to do for him. Howard asked Robin what he needs to do to get her. Robin said that she's not sure Hanzi is going to do anything to get laid. Howard said he just wants it to fall into his lap so to speak.
Hanzi asked if he can get Chelsea Handler for him. He said she digs fat dudes. Howard said Chelsea may just bang him. Howard said he may be right. Howard said next time she's in he'll ask her about that.
Howard said he has to get to George Takei now. He said he's ready to be hypnotized. They played Hanzi out with the ''Imran Khan Lives With His dad And Mom'' song parody. They also played an interview Lisa G did with Kim Kardashian's ass bit and a ''Cocknado'' movie parody bit and a song parody about Casey Kasem's corpse being on the road again. They also played a ''Fuck Brad Anally Tonight'' song parody and a ''Ronnie Mund GPS'' commercial parody before going to commercial break.
The guys brought George in and he said he's feeling like he always does. Howard said that Scott has a new book out and you can find out more about him at UltimateVisionaryMind.com
Howard asked if George is a good subject. Scott said he is. He said he was snoring at one point on the couch in the green room. Scott said he did a session with him in the green room and he thought he was under for 10 minutes when it was actually 30 minutes. He said you lose track of time when you're in that state.
Howard asked who he has hypnotized. Scott said he has a lot of famous people and people in very important jobs.
Howard said that maybe Scott could help Brad lose weight. George said that Brad has lost some and his inspiration was Gary. He said they saw Gary at Howard's Birthday Bash and Brad was impressed. He said they were talking and Brad sketched out a program.
Scott said he was on the show 3 weeks ago and he started working with two women since then and one has lost 5 pounds and one has lost 14 pounds already.
Howard asked Scott to demonstrate the hypnosis with George now. Scott had George close his eyes and relax. Scott had him relax his mind and body and then told him to go back to the state he was in back in the green room. He told him to focus on the sound of his voice. He asked him to go even deeper and deeper. He told him he was comfortable, safe and secure.
Scott said he is aware but he is out. Howard said it did look like he was out. Scott took George deeper and deeper into his mind. He told him to go into the room with his deepest sexual fantasies. He had him step inside that room. Then he had him tell them what stood out more than the others. He had George tell them what it looked like as if it were a movie. He wanted it in sharp, vivid color. Scott asked him to tell them what he sees. George said he sees an Adonis, nude and blonde. He said he's 25 years old. George said his body is tight and muscled. Lean and full muscled. Scott asked where he is. George said he's languishing on a couch. George said he's actually on a state in a theater. George said they saw a play last week in London called My Night With Reg and it's the kid in the play. George said he's in the audience. His voice was very relaxed as he told this story.
Scott asked George what he would like to do with this man. George said he'd touch him on his pectorals and nipples. Then he'd work his way down on his abs and go down to his thighs. He said he'll run up and down his thighs and on his crotch. George said he'll start playing with him and touch his cock. Then he said he'd get more physical and grab his butt and push his body against him. He said then he'd kiss him. He said he can feel him getting hard now. George said then Brad might be listening today. He seemed to be coming out of the relaxed state. George said that his mouth would come into play. He said he'd tickle his tits. Then he'd work his way down his body and gobble his ass. Then he'd work his nose into his crack.
George was laughing and talking about what he'd do to this guy. Scott told him to act out this fantasy. Howard said this is the creepiest thing. George asked Scott to take off his clothes. He laughed. Scott said he doesn't think so. Howard said he'd better. George said he's still himself.
Scott asked George to close his eyes and relax again. Howard said George is rubbing the couch like a guy's cock. George laughed. Robin said the couch is blushing. George laughed.
Scott said they can make George believe he's William Shatner. George laughed. He said that's a come down. Scott had him relax again. George said he woke him up with the Shatner thing. Scott tried to get him to relax. He told him to do the best acting job he's ever done. He said in a moment he's going to count to 3 and he'll be William Shatner. He said he'll be interviewed by Howard Stern as Shatner.
Scott woke George up and Howard did his interview with him. Howard asked him if he misses doing Star Trek. George, as Shatner, said that Leonard Nimoy is a bore. He said he's like Spock and he's very much like Spock. Howard asked if he respected anyone. Shatner said that they were there and the plot goes as the captain does. Howard asked if they could have had anyone on the set as long as they had him. He said of course as long as he was there. Howard asked Shatner if he was mean to people on the set. ''Shatner'' said that because of him they had jobs and he was not mean. Howard asked if he wears a toupee. ''Shatner'' said they don't talk about that in public. He said there are limits to everything. Howard asked if he was inappropriate with women on the set. Shatner said he was never inappropriate. He said he doesn't know why George Takei always says he was hard to work with. Howard asked if he's a great actor. Shatner said that he is very good but there are better actors.
Robin asked Shatner what he thinks of the Star Trek fans. Shatner said that they're fine but they should really get a life.
Howard thanked Shatner for being there. George said that was him acting him. Howard said he's having fun with this. George was just playing along with the whole bit.
Scott had George go under again. He had him relax and breathe in and out. Howard said he seems to be under. Scott said he is a great actor. He said during the fantasy he was moving his hands and all of that. Robin said that he seems to have a defense mechanism when they get so specific. Howard said maybe they can make him think that he lost his penis and he has to try to find it. George laughed. He wasn't really under like Ronnie was.
Scott said he thinks that he is more open to some things now that he's under. He said he likes to be the center of attention. George said they are actors after all.
Howard said George seems to be out. Scott said it's not a zombie like state. He said he is aware. He said George is letting it go and he's doing great. Howard said maybe he could touch his nose and George will orgasm. Scott said they can try that. He put George deeper into his hypnosis. He told George that he was going to get very sexually aroused when he sees Howard touch his nose. Then he's going to orgasm.
Scott brought George out and Howard asked him if it's relaxing. George said he thinks he took a nap. George said he needs to have Scott in his bedroom at night to help him sleep early when he does the show. Howard rubbed his nose and said that this really does work. He wasn't having an orgasm. He pretended to and laughed. He said Howard's nose is turning him on. He faked his orgasm stuff and laughed.
Scott asked what George would like to see Howard do with his nose. George said maybe he can stick it in an ass like Big Foot did with his finger.
George told Howard about the man that he saw in that play and how the guy was totally nude. He said he was a great actor and an Adonis. He said he was full and beautiful. Howard said they had a picture of the guy in the studio.
Howard said he gets the feeling that he's resisting. George said he's really not but he can hear them all talking. Scott took him under once again. He had him thinking about Brad and when he first met him. He asked what he was thinking about the first time he met Brad. George told a story about meeting him in a running club and how they ran around a reservoir. He said this one guy was beautiful and he was at the lead. He said he had gorgeous runner's muscles and a beautiful face. He said he caught up with him and said he heard he'd been traveling. He'd just gotten back from Alaska. George said he tried to talk to him but he couldn't keep up the pace. After the run a group went out for dinner. He said this man was very interesting. Scott asked what Brad was wearing. George described the running shorts and tank top. Scott tried to get George to remember what he was wearing himself. George said it may have been a yellow t-shirt.
Howard asked how long it took to get him into bed. George said it took about a year. He said Brad was with another guy during that time. George said that they both had a trip to San Francisco. He said he was doing a Star Trek convention. He said they stayed at the same hotel. Scott asked how it happened the first time. George said they went for a run and they took a shower together. Then they went to bed. He said it was a lovely experience. He said that Brad was like a race horse back then. He said he loved the touching and the final volcanic explosion. Howard said he's going to throw up so he's going to end this thing.
Howard gave Scott some plugs and said you can find out more about his weight loss program at UltimateVisionaryMind.com. Howard said they did learn again that Brad was a race horse and now he must be an old nag since George can't stop talking about that.
Howard said George seems to be more inhibited under hypnosis. Howard said he think that he was more revealing when he wasn't under. Howard said he loves when Scott does this. He said they were hoping for another Ronnie but George is a different animal. George said he's constantly aware. Howard said they're going to take a break. He said he has a lot of other things to do. They went to break after that.
Howard said he thinks that George is more open when he's not hypnotized. Robin said that he's very committed to Brad. The caller said that's what he's talking about. He said it shows that he's not that deep into it. Howard said that they show that they're real and Scott is real. He said he may edit out that whole hour of the show.
Howard said the problem is that they do a live show and they don't phony anything up. He said if it doesn't go well you're going to hear that. Howard said it didn't go quite like the Ronnie hypnosis did. Robin said Sal was turned into a pregnant turtle. George said he can't believe a hypnotist can do that.
Howard said he was preparing for the show last night and he got in touch with Gary and he told him that he went right out in the practice session. He said he was so psyched to bring it today and it just turned out to be okay. He said it wasn't anything great.
George said the wonderful thing was that he got to take a nap. Howard said that he proves that not everyone is going to be as good as Ronnie.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked George if he wasn't letting himself go fully. Howard said he wasn't. George said he tried to go with him. He said he got relaxed and that's what Scott's goal was. He said when he asked him to think of something out of his past he did remember that play he saw in London. Howard said that's just the way it went down. He said they don't fake anything.
Howard took a call from Wolfie who said he sees that George has an appearance with William Shatner in Rhode Island. He asked if he thinks he'll talk to him. George said that they do cross paths and they do say hello. He said that's about it. He said that a lot of this is stimulated by the press. He said he is doing interviews to promote ''To Be Takei'' and they ask him about the Bill Shatner thing.
Wolfie asked George if forgiveness is part of the Buddhist thing. George said he doesn't have anything to forgive him for. He said they don't like each other and they don't talk that much.
Howard said Wolfie has a bunch of interviews that Wolfie did. Howard said he should play some of them while he has him on the line. Wolfie said that he can choose it for him. Howard said he thinks that he knows better what to play than Wolfie does.
Howard said he liked the Monster Mania stuff. Howard said it's funny to see these guys in masks and costumes. Howard played some examples of people talking through their masks with muffled voices. Howard said it's so sad. He said this guy sounds like an adult and he's dressed up in a costume. Howard said you can't even understand him.
Howard played a few interviews that Wolfie did and one of the guys was complaining about how Lori Petty wanted $60 for an autograph. Howard wasn't even sure who she was. Robin and Wolfie told Howard who she was but Howard still didn't know who she was.
Howard played a couple more interviews Wolfie did. He had one with a guy who was playing The Joker. Howard said that guy is awesome. He had the voice down. Howard played a clip where a guy talked about Verne Troyer charging $40 for an autograph. Wolfie said Shatner gets $100. George said he gets $40. Howard said he gets the same as Verne Troyer.
Howard said he can't believe that Shatner gets 100 bucks. Wolfie said that's the low end. He said if you get a picture then it's closer to $150. Howard said he thinks that George should go up to like $70. George said he'll talk to Brad about that. Howard said there's something nice about not charging for it. George said he does that on the street. He said there are people out front waiting for him. He said they know he's doing the show and they gather in front.
Howard said there's a $275 VIP experience with Shatner. Howard said he's not sure what that consists of. Howard said you should be able to take a shower with him for that much. Wolfie said if you know of any conventions then check out @ThisIsWolfie on Twitter and let him know.
Howard said his advice is to not shit in front of each other. Howard said that's what Beth does. He said she'll go to a public bathroom to shit instead of the hotel room when they go on vacation. Marianne said that she does that. Howard said Beth thinks that's what most women do. George said that they have a special toilet that has a panel next to it to suck the smells out and to wash their rear ends.
Gary said they went to Montreal not too long ago and they had a bathroom on the same floor of the hotel that they could use for that. Howard said he gets two rooms at the hotels they go to. He said that's just for shitting. Gary said that it's a better vacation when you don't have to worry about that.
Howard said he knows women and men who think it's cute that they shit in front of each other. He said that it takes the life out of the whole thing. Robin said she knows couples who have tons of sex and have that going on. Howard said he doesn't believe it. Howard said when he was a kid his dad would come home from work and go to the bathroom. He said he'd charge upstairs after eating. He said they had one bathroom in the house. Howard said his dad had a catch word like ''Oy yay, oy yay'' and that meant he was going to take a dump. Howard said he has no idea what that means but that's what he did. Howard said he never flushed with a courtesy flush. Howard said he wondered how his mother was fucking the guy. He said the whole place smelled bad.
Marianne asked if George and Brad do it in the same bathroom. George said they have two bathrooms. He said that they also have that special toilet.
Marianne said she has a whole stand up routine about shitting and it's like she makes a whole mission out of it like Seal Team Six. Howard said if she's doing that then she may have a long marriage.
Howard said he thinks that the other key is to please your man in bed. Howard said sex is like really important to dudes. Howard said he doesn't think women know that. Howard said once you start faking it then your marriage is over. Robin said that her friend says that you shouldn't starve your partner.
Howard mentioned the problems Benjy is having. George said he's young and they shouldn't have those problems. Benjy said that they fool around but they don't have sex. He said they do orgasm though. Marianne said that George is just as confused about that as everyone else is.
Howard wished Marianne luck and let her go. Howard said she used to be friends with Benjy but they broke up. Benjy asked Howard if he's ever gone through a break up and tried to work things out. Howard said when he broke up he just broke up. He said Benjy is hanging around and putting up with this. Howard said when he's in love with a girl and she's not fucking him he's going to feel like a douche. Robin said he should leave. Howard said he's pushing and he's been pushing her since the beginning.
George said he should find another person. Howard said it's the hottest girl who has ever been into him. Howard said they're not compatible. Howard said he can't let go because he can't stand the thought of her with another guy. Benjy said that they spend a lot of time intimately and maybe more than Howard and Beth. Howard said that would have to be a lot because they're together all the time.
Benjy asked Howard about Beth not liking oral. Howard said she's into it but he's not a big fan of oral. Benjy said that this thing they're doing isn't permanent. He said that it's Robin who can't handle it. Howard said he has to move on.
Benjy asked why Robin isn't having sex. Robin said she has a medical condition. She said it's called ''Nevermind Benjy.'' She said that's true though and just take it as that.
Howard said he doesn't care about this Benjy thing. Robin kept asking questions. Howard said he has to cut Benjy's mic.
Robin read a story about Justin Timberlake tweeting to Madonna and he got slammed by his fans by referring to her as his Mother Chuckin Ninja. Some people think it's another way of saying the N-word. That led to Howard and George talking about the pronunciation of words like Tsunami and others. George also said that he had some corrections for Robin for certain words. He told Robin which ones they were and Robin said them right to her. Howard played a prank call the guys made to a restaurant using George Takei clips where he was asking for guacamole and aqua. They had George asking him to tickle his tits too. George was cracking up over that. He said those poor people. He said that's terrible to make those poor people so confused.
Howard played another prank call he played earlier where they called a guy named George with George calling him ''Georgie'' like William Shatner did to him. That was cracking George up too.
Robin read a story about how it costs $245,000 to raise a child from infancy to the age of 18. Robin said that's without college. Howard said that's a lot of money but he sees people who have no money and 3 or 4 kids. Robin said it's a very big expense.
Robin asked Howard if Giselle Bundchen or her husband Tom Brady is making more money. Howard said he's going to say Giselle is making more. Robin said she makes more than any other model out there and she's making $47 million in the last 12 months. Howard said he must have endorsement deals. Robin said he does but he makes $38 million.
Robin read a story about the ice bucket challenge that's going on. Robin said that Jon Bon Jovi did it and doused himself. Robin said he called out some of his band mates. Robin said one of them was Richie Sambora. Robin had some audio of him doing that. Robin said Lady Gaga is putting her own spin on the ice bucket challenge. Robin said Lady Gaga has a large silver vase filled with ice. Robin said she has pledged $10,000 to the ALA. Robin said that she's called out other people to do the same. Robin said Charlie Sheen did it as well. Robin said he's calling on his former cast of Two and a Half Men to do the same. Robin had audio of him dumping $10,000 cash on his head and saying that's what he's donating. Howard said he applauds that. George said that you can donate and raise awareness. George said Jeff Bezos called him and William Shatner out to do it. Howard said Benjy did it and he has audio. He played a clip of Benjy screaming and something falling into water. Howard said they had one of Gary doing it too. They had Gary making monkey sounds and water. They had George screaming too with the water thing. They had one of Robin doing it too. Robin made some noise and then said ''Asshole!'' in that one.
Robin read about the autopsy of Michael Brown and how one doctor is saying that he can't tell if Michael Brown was holding his hands up or not. Robin said they do say that he suffered 6 gun shot wounds. Robin said they have done 3 autopsies so far. Robin said this is unusual. Howard said they say that a lot of people there in Ferguson are from New York and they're going there just to cause an uproar. Howard said that whole community is being destroyed. Robin said at least two people were shot overnight there. Robin had some audio of a news report there. Robin had some other audio clips from other people there.
Howard asked if George ever shaves his bush. George said he does not. Howard asked if he trims it. George said he doesn't. Howard said he trims his once in a while. Howard asked if he has grey pubes. George said yes. Howard said his aren't grey. He said it's like the hair on his head. George said it usually works its way up. Howard said he doesn't color his hair. George said that he's heard rumors about Howard's hair. Howard said he's probably heard he wears a toupee and colors his hair. Howard told George to come over and examine his hair. George went over and said that it's stuck there. He said that Bill Shatner has never offered that to him. He said Howard's hair is genuine. Howard told him to pull on his cock now. George asked him if he wanted to prove that his pubes aren't grey. Howard passed on that. George said he'll have to keep saying he doesn't know then.
Robin read a story about weight and what moms are worried about. Robin said they say that moms are more worried about their own weight than they are with their kid's weight. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how over 1200 people are dead because of the Ebola virus outbreak. Howard said he would never go to West Africa. Robin said they say that over 2400 people are infected. Robin said they are trying to deliver food to people in quarantined areas.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that Big Foot was awesome. Robin said she thought it was his best appearance ever. Howard said he is consistently good. Howard asked if Jeff is going to be at AGT this week. Jeff said not this time around. He said Robin was there when Heidi fell. Howard said she was not there. Jeff said she was. Howard wondered who showers more, Jeff or Big Foot. Jeff said he showers every day. Howard said he finds that shocking. Howard said if he was Jeff he wouldn't shower every day. He has no reason to. Jeff said he wants to be clean. He said he's not an animal.
Howard asked Robin if she had to fuck Big Foot or Jeff, who would it be. Robin asked why she has to fuck one. Howard said the future of the world is at stake. Robin asked if it really needs to survive. Howard said she has to fuck one. Robin had a tough time deciding. She said she had to go with Jeff. Howard said he thought Big Foot. Robin said Jeff probably can't even get it up so she won't have to do that much. Howard said that the world isn't facing extinction so he fooled Robin. Jeff said the joke is on her. Howard let Jeff go after that.
Robin read a story about two Amish girls in New York who were abducted. Robin said that the father forgives the guy who abducted them. Robin said that the girls were sexually molested and the guy still forgave them. Robin said the guy says he feels sorry for the abductors. Robin said the girls have not been named because of their age. Robin said the girls are home and back with their 12 siblings.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he's friends with Rosie O'Donnell. He said that Rosie Tweeted about the Brony movement and how she's interested in it. Howard said he hasn't spoken to her in a while but he did send a note to her about getting back on The View. He said he never heard back from her. Howard said he has to get off the phone about this Brony thing. He didn't understand the question.
Robin said they say that Robin Williams was in talks about business plans just days before he killed himself. Howard said they must have been some shitty projects. Howard said maybe he was going to be in a movie with Big Foot. Robin said they say that he sounded interested in the projects when he spoke to his colleagues. Robin had some audio of Robin talking to a woman in New Zealand in a video message he made for her. Howard said maybe that's why he did himself in. Howard said he gets asked to do that stuff too.
Robin said that David Letterman paid tribute to Robin Williams too. Robin had some audio from last night's show. Howard said the guy was a real talent. He said he's still in shock that he did that. Howard said he's the last one he expected to do something like that. Howard said that they say maybe his medication for Parkinson's had something to do with it. Howard said he had no idea that he suffered from such depression. He said he always thought it was shtick. Robin said he did Charlie Rose a couple of years ago and he was very candid. She said she knew it was much more severe than they thought. Howard said he saw Charlie Rose on Saturday and he told him he'd do his show. Howard said he was lying though. He doesn't want to do the show.
Robin read a story about a class that will be held to show people how to grow their own marijuana. Howard said this whole thing is very unclear. He said it's not really legal but it is. Robin said the banks won't deal with the money from the dispensaries. Robin said they have to be a cash business. Howard said it's so confusing. Howard said with prohibition it was legal and then it was illegal. Howard said with pot it's kind of legal but not really. George said they need certainty in the laws. Howard said he's right. Robin said the class is in New Jersey and they're using Basil instead of actual marijuana.
Howard asked George if he gets high. George said he did as a youngster. George said he didn't like it anymore so he stopped. Howard said he didn't like it either. Howard said he can't do it.
Robin read a story about weddings and asked if they affect your marriage. Howard said he thinks they do. Robin said that what Howard had would be considered a big wedding. Howard said he guesses she's right about that. Robin said they say that if you have a big group of friends that you will have people to talk to if you have problems. George said they had 200 people at theirs. He said it would have been more but that was the capacity of the place. Howard said he can't believe he didn't invite Shatner. George said they did. Howard asked who walked down the aisle first. George said they walked down together in different aisles. He said they believe in equality. Howard asked how long it was. George said it was a traditional Buddhist ceremony. He told Howard how that went. Howard asked what happened after the wedding. George said they had a bagpipe player lead them across a plaza and then had their dinner at that place.
Howard asked George if the stayed in a hotel. George said they did not. He said it wasn't a Sunday but they did consummate their wedding. Howard asked if there was a wrestling match. George said it was a very sensitive and romantic coming together. He said that they did what Howard had them doing in their coffin. That was the 69 thing. George said he told Brad about that last night and he burst out laughing. George said they were wondering how they're going to do that if he dies first. Howard said he's going to be above ground so they don't have to dig him up. He said they just put Brad in there and attach him to his penis. Howard said they may have to embalm his hard on. George laughed. George said they'll put that into their will and give Howard a copy.
Robin read a story about Phil Simms and how he won't be using the Redskins name when he's talking about the team this season. Robin said he will jut refer to them as Washington. Howard said he's sensitive to that himself. He said he applauds him doing that. Robin said that Jim Nance has said it's not his responsibility to judge that.
Robin said that Gloria Estefan is going to see her life on Broadway. Robin said the musical about her life is arriving next fall. Howard said George would be great playing Gloria. Fred threw in some clips of George saying some Spanish words.
Robin said the song Happy is still the number one song of the year. Robin said it's the only song that has sold more copies than it's counterpart last year which was Blurred Lines. Robin had clips of Pharrell's song ''Happy'' for Howard to play. Howard said he likes the new song too. He said he's surprised it didn't become a number one hit.
Robin read a story about the Parents Television Council going after MTV and saying they hope they take precautions so it's safe for children to watch. Robin said last year they were upset about Miley Cyrus twerking with Robin Thicke.
Robin said they're saying that Daryl on The Walking Dead may turn out to be gay. Robin said that they say it's possible. Howard said that there was that part of the show where he was in the house with a really hot chick and he didn't do anything.
Robin read about Don Pardo dying. Robin had an example of his work on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he had some career. He said he didn't have any hassles. Howard said he has to dress up as Fartman to get noticed. George said he had a nice, long life.
Robin said that Kate Plus 8 is returning to TV. Robin said that they canceled her show a couple of years ago but they must think that she's interesting again. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show a short time later. Howard said George is fantastic on the show. He said he's terrific. Howard said they can't wait to see his movie ''To Be Takei.'' They ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said it's tricky with George because he's so open. Gary said the tricky thing is that Howard cuts through the bullshit while Scott was letting George tell a story.
Jon said when George was speaking about the 25 year old Adonis on stage he was getting into detail about what he would do. Gary said he's wondering if that guy's phone is blowing up today hearing about what George said about him. Jon said he thinks he probably got some calls today.
Jon said whenever George sits in the show is at another level. He said he's a veteran of the show now. George came in so Jon asked how tricky it is to navigate the show with what they do there. George said he had an idea what was in store for him today. He said it's always unique and fresh when he comes in. He said he got a nice nap out of that hypnosis. Gary said he always is very open on the show. George said he is.
Benjy said he felt that he was in a different state when he was telling that first story. George said that was a very special thing. Benjy said George's body was twisting around during that story. Gary said he was doing this interesting thing where he was rubbing the couch a lot. He said the deeper the story got the more he rubbed it. George said he was feeling that kid in his fantasy. He said he felt a little hairy. He said he was actually hairless in the play. He was a Nordic God in that play. He said he was able to go through that tactilely.
Gary said he hopes he's as horny as George is at that age. He said he knows people take testosterone at his age but he's never needed that. George said he hasn't. He said sex is a primal thing and he thinks that keeps people going. He said it's one of the essences of life.
Jon said Gary took the hit for not being in shape today. Gary said that the show ended and he went over to George and asked him to say hello to Brad. He said that George noticed that something was going on with him. Gary said Howard thinks he's fat. George said he's much slimmer than he was before. Gary said he has lost weight and he's not as fat as Howard makes him out to be. George said he thinks that if you take a lot of weight off then the body catches up and you put on a few pounds.
Jon asked if he thinks that Gary looks good. George said he looks great. He said that he thinks that Benjy is chubby. Benjy said he knows that. He said that he just doesn't stick to his diets. Gary said that Benjy challenged himself to lose weight and that's how the whole fingering thing happened. Gary said that Benjy decided to take the finger instead of trying to lose the weight in the challenge.
Benjy said he has the desire to lose weight but his desires for other things comes first. George said Brad lost 30 pounds on his cleanse diet. He said they went to London on the Queen Mary II and he indulged on there.
Gary asked George if he ever had a weight problem. George said he did as a child. He said when they were in the internment camps they had lousy food and he gained a lot of weight. He said when he was in school he didn't like being chubby so he started doing chin ups. He said he still does 100 push ups a day and 50 sit ups. He said he also works out a bit. He said Brad stopped running about 2 or 3 years after they got together and he doesn't exercise now. He said he was working as a journalist and he had a Mrs. Fields in the building he worked in so he gained some weight.
Jon asked George if he makes Brad feel guilty by telling him that he's staying in shape for him. George said he's doing it for both of them. He said that Brad gets to feel his musculature. Benjy said it sounds like they are in love but he wonders if Brad has any complaints about him that he'd like to change. George said that he is a complainer and he does complain to him a lot. He said he doesn't think he wants him to change but he did want him to retire so they could enjoy and relax. George said he keeps him on a schedule anyway. Gary asked if he likes working. George said he loves working. He said he can't imagine not working. He said they have weekends to lazy about. Then they have Sunday.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he noticed something funny. He said when he stared the show he was taking on George's way of speaking. Jon said he didn't realize he was doing it. Gary said some of them do it for fun in the office. George said Jon and Gary sound the same to him. He said he didn't think they were changing.
Jon said Howard goes into George's voice during the show a little bit. He said that must be a form of flattery to him. George said it is. Jon said he has one of the most distinctive voices in the business. George said Big Foot is very distinctive too.
Gary said he thinks that George would be a great announcer for SNL. He said he has a very distinctive voice. Jon said he'd be introducing the stars of the show. Jon asked if he would do that. George said he thinks he'd be talking about how the next morning is going to be Sunday. Gary said he heard that Don Pardo was pre-taping them anyway. He said he might be able to do that. George said he'll tell his agent to put his name in there. Gary said he thinks that they'd love having him there. Gary said it would be great until George said he can't do their show because of it. Jon said that would work against them. They went to break after that.
Jon said the movie is opening this weekend and that has to be exciting. George said it is. The movie is called ''To Be Takei.''
Benjy asked about George's brother passing away. George said that he was like 4 months old when he passed. Benjy asked how much longer it was until he was born. George said it was about a year and a half.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked George if William Shatner came on the show with him would he try to bury the hatchet. George said he has no hatchet. He said he just calls it as it is. He said Bill is the way he is and he's not thrilled with the way he talks candidly about him. George said that he did invite Bill to his wedding but he denies ever getting the invitation. Gary asked if he sent an invitation. George said they did send one but they aren't positive he got it. He said if he really wanted to come that badly he could have phoned them. George said he has never phoned though. He said they all show up to each other's honoring but Bill never did.
Gary said that maybe this is how it went down. Gary said they sent out invitations to Howard's birthday show. He said this person was invited and they contacted him asking if he was invited. Gary said it turned out that they sent the invitation to the person who used to represent them. He said maybe that's what happened with Shatner. George said that he's not sure why he complained about it 2 months after the wedding. He said if he really wanted to come he could have phoned them. He said he thinks that he made the fuss because he had a new talk show coming out around that time.
Jon said his question for George is if he thinks that Bill likes getting to him and frustrating him on some level. He said some people get off on that. George said what he thinks is bothering Bill is that he talks about facts as they are. He said most people are much more circumspect. George said that Bill now says that he doesn't know him but then why did he want to come to his wedding?
Gary asked if Shatner was cool to come for the documentary. George said no. He said he resisted at first. Then his people came to him and asked for a release of a clip from the Comedy Central Roast. He said Bill wanted something from him so he asked Bill for something that he wanted to have and Bill reluctantly did it. He said he demanded it not be over 10 minutes and it had to be at his place. He said the documentarian went and did it and once they got to 10 minutes Bill was looking at his watch and said he was done.
Benjy said there seems to be some anger there on George's part. George said in his autobiography he stated how it was. He said that there is professional courtesy. He said that when they did close ups in Star Trek they'd stand by and do their lines. He said if Shatner had to stand by then it was the script supervisor who was standing by.
Gary asked what the movie was he did with Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks. George said that was Larry Crowne. Gary asked if they were there to do the stand bys. George said that they were both there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the show and totally respects George. He said George said that Eric should take roles as a homosexual but would George take a role as a character who goes after homosexuals. George said that he would do that if the role called for it. Benjy said he doesn't know if it's right to say it's not acting if he's not taking roles they don't want to play.
Jon asked Ronnie if he would take any role. Ronnie said he would. He said it's acting. Benjy said he wouldn't take a role where he had to make fun of Howard. Gary said it would depend on what it was. Jon said if he's playing a random person he thinks he'd do it. Ronnie said he would because it's acting.
Jon asked Sal if he would take any role like that. Sal said he has to think about these things. He said that there is money involved. He said playing a bad guy doesn't mean it's a bad thing. He said if someone takes the role of an evil character you're making people aware of things.
George said he beheaded Timothy Bottoms in a movie. Gary said no one is answering the question the way he expected. He said you're going to play a role no matter what it is as long as it's not gratuitous.
Benjy said he thinks that Eric isn't doing it because of the stigma. George said he doesn't understand acting then. Benjy said George has a lot of experience with this. He said Eric has had a life of being picked on. Gary said he's not going to look up a character to find out who the actor is just to hate him though. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
George said the thing about doing the show is that you meet some impressive people. Sal thanked him for that. George said that you meet people who represent the lower depths of humanity. Gary told him how they met him and how he was in a find a wack packer contest and won.
Jon asked if they knew he was bi-sexual. Gary said he's talked about it before. He said he blew guys in jail.
Jon said that Big Foot is in a movie that Sal is in. Sal said that he never saw him while they were filming. Sal said he's playing a character named Italian Ice in the movie. Gary said Sal was an aspiring rapper in his real life and this movie is what Sal wishes he could have really done. Sal said that it has been a big joke but it's turned into a form of entertainment. Sal said the movie opens tonight in Lincoln Square. George asked how long it'll be running. Sal told him that he'll get him a copy.
Jon took a call from Ralph Cirella who said he loved George's revelations this week. He said they were too numerous to count. He said he loved hearing the stories about Shatner. Ralph said that he mentioned that the rest of the crew were referred to as the 7 Dwarves. He asked if that was Shatner who did that. George said it was. Ralph asked how he found out that they were calling them that. George said he hadn't heard that until yesterday. He said that he had forgotten about all of that until yesterday.
Ralph said he also liked the story about taking the hotel soaps. They talked about how that's not stealing since you pay for it by paying for the room. Gary said that he feels guilty opening a bar of soap so he brings his own if he's just staying a night.
Benjy asked if he takes soap that he hasn't opened. George said he takes what he opened. Benjy said that's very responsible. Ralph asked what his favorite hotel is to take stuff from. George said that his favorite was the Queen Mary II. He said he stays at the Four Seasons and others like that.
Jon said he's confused about one thing. He asked George about them bringing in additional soap for him in the hotel. George said he uses what he opened first. Ralph said he doesn't. He takes what he can.
Jon let Ralph to and took a call from a guy who asked if it's true that in the last year of Star Trek that Lucille Ball funded it. George said that it was a Desilu production the first year and a half. Then Gulf Western bought it out. Then they became Paramount Pictures. He said that Lucy did come on the set and she was very businesslike on the set when she visited.
Sal asked if he hung out with Jackie Gleason back in the day. George said he never worked with him. Sal said they were in the Twilight Zone. Gary said it wasn't at the same time though. Gary pointed out that his logic isn't right and he can't be serious.
Jon had Jon Leiberman give them his Howard 100 News headlines. Leiberman did that and then they wrapped up and ended the show. They were done around 11:15am.
Robin's Party Discussed. 05/08/06. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''Ed Wood'' movie clip song parody remixes, Educational movie about wet dreams audio clip, Gary the Retard calls Gary the Retard prank call, Jack Meyhoffer song parody.
Howard started off the morning talking about Robin's party that happened on Saturday afternoon. He said that a lot of people from Howard 100 and 101 were there. Robin thanked Howard for a phone call he made to her over the weekend. Howard said he had a good time down there but it was a long drive out there to her house. He said he wished that he could have stayed over and figured that's what Ralph did. Robin said he didn't stay over though.
Howard said that Robin was wearing a nice outfit that really impressed him. He said it appeared that she wasn't wearing anything under this dress she was wearing. Artie said he could see her slip and it was cut right up to her private parts. She had nothing to be ashamed of according to Howard and Artie.
Robin took Howard out on her boat during the party so Howard asked who was there with them. Gary came in and said that they had a staff of boating people there at the party. He talked about the captain and the other guys who were helping Robin out with her water sports stuff.
Gary was out with his kids messing around on this jet ski boat and he wasn't able to get back that quick. Gary said they were out on this boat and they have to help others follow out the jet ski that Ralph wanted to ride. They had to leave the dock area at about 2 miles per hour. Then they had to go out and get gas so that was a long trip to the place where they had to get gas. Gary claims he was having a great time with his kids but Howard thought that it wasn't what he was looking for. Gary said he wanted to go out for about 20 minutes but it lasted over an hour.
Gary said that Ralph was having fun on the jet ski and one of his kids mistook him for Howard. Howard said a lot of people have been making that mistake lately. Howard wasn't aware of when Ralph started to look like him. The guys told him it's happened recently and if you take a quick look at him, he does look like Howard. Howard said he didn't used to look like him in the past.
Gary said that someone saw Ralph standing on the side of the Garden State Parkway taking a leak and there's no telling who thought it was actually Howard taking a leak. Howard said he read on SternFanNetwork that there was a guy who knew where Robin lived and he was going to video tape the event. Howard saw the guy there and also saw that the cops came and arrested him.
Artie said there was a band that showed up on a flatbed truck and played out near Robin's place. He said they actually sounded good. He said he had to go ask the guys to leave because he didn't want anyone thinking he had anything to do with it. The band knew the cops and that's how they got in according to what they heard.
All of the guys said they had a great time out there at Robin's party. Howard said that Ralph was out for a couple of hours on the jet ski. Robin said he acted as if he did her a favor when he came back in and told her that he had broken it in for her.
Howard asked Robin why she's got a jet ski because she can't even swim. Robin doesn't seem to think that's a big deal. She wears a life jacket so she doesn't really have to swim. She was able to drive her boat though. Artie threw in a plug for the band that played for him out there... Shorty Long. Howard told him to stop with that, he doesn't have to plug them, they didn't do anything for him. Artie said they did give him a t-shirt though.
Howard said that Gary was double dipping cookies in the chocolate fondue that they had at the party. Gary said that wasn't true and it was just Sal telling stories. That led to Gary telling a story about Sal bugging him about hearing that Howard was looking for him to take him out on the boat but took Richard instead. Howard said that he was going to go out on the boat with Robin so he hopped on with a few people he knew and a couple that he didn't know. Robin told him that they were good friends of hers. The kids looked miserable according to Howard.
Howard said he was buzzed out of his mind when he got on the boat. He saw Richard out there so he invited him to get on. Then all of these other people who weren't interested in getting on wanted to get on all of a sudden. It was like a party boat once Howard got on. Robin said that she had to ask people to get off because she had so many on there. Then Sal heard about Richard getting on and that threw him into a frenzy according to Gary.
Sal was blaming Shuli for not getting on the boat. He went out for a smoke with Shuli and that's when Howard went out on the boat. Sal said that Dominic Barbara told him that Howard was on his way out so he ran back into the party and saw that the boat was gone. Howard said that he and Richard had a great conversation out on the boat too. Sal said he saw Richard give Howard a kiss on his cheek as they were pulling back in.
Richard said he fell in love with Robin again at the party. Robin said that he was proposing to her out on the boat. He was hoping that their boat would get stranded on an island and she'd eventually fall in love with him. Howard said he loved to see that Steve Langford was so pussy whipped at the party. He was there with his wife and kids.
Howard also mentioned that they had a really nice port-a-potty there that was like a real bathroom. He said there was a urinal and a toilet there. He went in because there was no lock on the door and he heard a little voice coming out of the stall. It was Gary's kid Lucas who asked him not to look at him. Howard told him he was just going to take a piss and he'd make sure no one would look at him. He figured the kid had to take a dump and he just wanted some privacy.
Sal said that he had to take a shit at the party and left a dump so big that he had to flush 4 times. Sal said there was no water in there so it looked like a tropical island in the toilet. Howard said he went in there toward the end and didn't want to go in there because it looked like there was about 20 floating turds in there. He said that it could have been a little better if it had flowing water in it. The guys talked about the decor in the port-a-san toilets. They were pretty impressive according to the guys. Sal said there was actually crown molding in them.
Howard asked Robin if the place is expensive down there. She said it depends on where you live but they can be in the millions. Artie said there was an open house nearby that had an elevator in it. He said it was 4 mill. The guys figured that Robin paid more for hers. She said that she's got an elevator shaft in it just in case she ever wants to add an elevator. Gary said that he went to the Perfect 10 house out in California and the elevator there only goes up one level and it goes really slow.
Artie said he was up in Robin's master bedroom with an unlit cigar in his mouth. He told the guys he was with ''Clear the room, I gotta take a shit.'' Richard said he was thinking about which rooms Robin had sex in as they were getting the tour of the house.
JD The Angry Drunk. 05/08/06. 6:25am
Artie said that JD pounded down 4 Jack Daniels while they were out in the sun and that was a bad idea. He got all pissed off and ornery according to Artie. Sal said the same thing and explained how he was turning down the tour offer. He also spilled a drink on Robin's boat and made a mess. JD said that he and Will cleaned that up.
Sal said that when JD gets drunk his lower lip opens up and spit comes out. He was also wobbling while he was out on the boat. Ronnie came in and said that JD spilled his drink on him and was really nasty while he was drinking. JD said it was just a little bit that he spilled on Ronnie but Ronnie said it was his whole drink that he spilled.
The guys were talking about JD eating food from the kids table but there were others eating from there according to Robin. Sal said that JD was eating some ribs and ended up slamming them down saying that they sucked. JD said that they could have been better.
Artie And Dana's Relationship Over? 05/08/06. 6:35am
Artie said he ate a ton of food and had about 8 or 9 ribs, about 5 hot dogs, 2 pieces of grilled chicken, a little salad and some cookies. Howard said he was wondering where Dana was and Artie was giving everyone a rundown of what's going on there. He said he got a half hour explanation from him and he still doesn't understand it. Artie said that it's really difficult to talk about that. Howard said that Artie doesn't look people in the eye when he talks to them. Artie said he's that way with everyone. He's pretty sure that he can't repair the relationship with Dana and there is nothing there right now.
Howard said that he figures that Artie isn't into Dana that much. Artie said he really is though. Robin asked when they last saw each other. Artie said it's actually been a couple of months. He thought that she was going to show up at Robin's party but he wasn't able to make that happen.
Artie said he wrote a letter to Dana, that was about 5 pages long, and told her that he was willing to give it another shot. He told her not to respond to him if she didn't want to keep it going. She hasn't responded to him in about a week and a half so that's where they stand right now.
Howard said he doesn't understand this whole thing. Dana wants Artie to go see a psychiatrist but Artie won't go. He understands why Dana wants him to go because they may get married and have kids if they do stay together. Artie said she's not looking for someone who will throw money at the situation which his what he would probably do to take care of problems.
Howard said that Artie always sees the disastrous part of his life and he can never get to the bottom of Artie's issues. Artie said he thinks that therapy is a huge scam and he can't bring himself to actually go. He said he knows that it's his old man talking when he thinks that the therapy is a scam but he still can't get past that. He may be scared of taking on the commitment of a relationship too. Robin and Howard told Artie he should just go and maybe that would get his girl back.
Artie said that he just has to get the balls to call the therapist and go. He's heard from some people who have gone to therapy after putting it off and it's really helped them. Howard is one of them. Howard told Artie that he had his therapists name on his desk for 5 years before he called the guy. Artie said he's had this name for almost two years now. Howard said that waiting 5 years probably saved him $200,000 now that he thinks about it.
Robin said she thought that Artie was being very lighthearted at the party and she wasn't sure if she should bring that up there or not. She decided to wait until this morning to bring it up. Artie said he didn't want to lay that whole story on Howard at the party either but Howard didn't mine. Artie had a good time there at the party talking to Howard. Howard said the conversation was great except for Artie turning his head and not looking at him.
Howard asked Artie if he knows if Dana is seeing any other guys. He hasn't heard anything but he's thinking that maybe she is seeing someone. He figures it's pretty easy for her to go out and get laid if she wants to. Artie said that he and Dana went to Howard's birthday party back in January and had sex last in February. That was it and it's kind of been over for a while now. He's been to dinner a few times since then but that's it. He said Dana actually wouldn't have him up to her apartment the last time he dropped her off. He said he was really pissed and thought that maybe her new boyfriend was up there waiting for her.
Artie said that Dana is a wonderful person and he wishes her the best even if things are over. He said it's really sad and he's not in good shape. Artie said he is down now and it's not good. He was a bit hoarse this morning from partying all weekend. He got home last night, watched The Sopranos and then made some noise on his electric guitar. He knows he's just making noise with it though. He doesn't even plug it in. Howard told him to get back into life and take a guitar lesson so he can learn to play that thing.
Artie said he did some stand-up recently and he's got a lot of new material about girlfriends and relationship stuff. Howard asked Artie if he misses the regular poon tang. Artie said ''who wouldn't?'' and also said that he's been doing a lot of ''whack it sessions.''
Howard said that Artie is a mess right now. Artie said there was a scene in the Film Festival montage where a guy was playing him as a homeless guy with needles and coke around him. As he wakes up he says ''Dana, is that you Dana?'' He thought that was kind of funny.
Artie will be going out on tour soon and he's not sure what might happen out there because a lot of hot chicks show up to those shows. Howard asked Artie if he's going to be able to handle the roast they're going to do for him. Artie said he can handle it but he'll be writing material for everyone who roasts him as well. He said it will be a very entertaining roast. Howard has an idea for the Artie Roast but it's kind of mean. He wouldn't say what it was though.
Howard said that Artie is in a bad place right now. That led to Artie talking about last night's episode of The Sopranos because the chick who is playing Christopher's wife, Cara Buono, is the chick who plays his girlfriend in ''Beer League.'' He said that they were doing things in that episode where it looked like something that he and Dana would have been doing. Artie was also saying that she called him recently and asked to come over and see ''Beer League.'' Howard told him he should have her over and see what he can do.
Artie said that they've moved the premiere of ''Beer League'' to September 13th because they can get their trailer in with ''Jackass 2'' so they want to move it back. Now the premiere will be happening on the 13th and the movie opens wide on the 15th of September.
Artie said he's got to call Cara but there is nothing romantic going on there. Howard told him he's got to make that happen. Artie said she did give him a little tongue in their kissing scene in ''Beer League.'' Gary brought in a picture of Cara nude but the picture was 14 years old. Artie said he thinks she has bigger breasts now though.
Artie was saying that another big issue with Dana is the dog. She used to come over to his place every weekend until she got the dog. That was causing problems there and he really doesn't want a dog. Howard said that can be a major issue if he doesn't want the dog. Artie said that she used to tell him that he would have to take her home to take the dog on a walk and he would be really lazy after dropping a load.
Howard asked Artie if he would have a problem with Carmen Electra if she was dating him and she had a dog. Artie said he would have a problem with any chick if she had a dog. He said he doesn't want hair in the room where he eats and watches a game. He was willing to have a house built where they could have the dog live but Howard told him that doesn't work because people want to live with their dogs.
Howard and Fred spent some time talking at Robin's party but Howard said that Fred is like Father of the Year spending so much time with his daughter. He said that his daughter is very cute but also very precocious, just like Fred. Howard heard that Fred's wife was showing pictures of everyone who was going to be at the party and when she showed her the picture of Beth, the kid said she looked like Cinderella.
Artie said he wanted to go down to Atlantic City with his friend but his wife wouldn't let him go. He said that's another issue with marriage. Howard said that a real man would just laugh and leave. Artie said one of the last conversations he had with Dana was about going to the shrink. He said he told her that there's not a chick on this planet who can make him go to a shrink. He said that no fuckin' broad is going to go make him cry at a shrink. Howard told him that's why he was alone at Robin's party this weekend. He and Fred goofed on him a little bit.
Artie was saying that things have been over for about a month and he's been lying to everyone about that. He said that they both agreed that they're officially over now and he's back on the market. Howard said he's found the perfect woman for Artie and put her on the phone. It was Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Artie should move on and not worry about that relationship. She said that life is too short and he should go out and have some fun.
Artie asked that Dana not give them a copy of the letter he sent to her. He said it's a corny letter that every guy has written in his life. Howard told Artie that for every Jennifer Aniston out there, there's an Angelina Jolie waiting.
Fred played a sad song for Artie but it wasn't doing anything for him. Artie said there might be one song that would make him well up if they played it but he wasn't going to say what it was. Fred played a Molly Hatchet song for him but that wasn't the song. Howard said that maybe it's Desperado. Artie said that's a close second on the list but that's not the song. He said that he and Dana went to see The Eagles and it was a good time for them. Artie then said that the actual song that might make him well up is Bruce Springsteen's ''Thunder Road.''
Fred played the song and Howard tried to get Artie to think about Dana to get him to cry. Artie said he remembers the first time he and Dana went out and the first game he went to with her. Howard also had him thinking about the time he made Dana get out of his car to get him cigarettes and she almost walked home over the George Washington Bridge. Howard reminded him of the first time he got dog hair in his mouth while eating.
Howard had Sal on the phone playing a porn clip of a woman asking for a guy to fill her with his load. It was supposed to be Dana calling in. Sal got on and told Artie to shut up and eat a Pop-Tart. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Various Stuff. 7/25/02. 6:05am
Howard was admiring his own deep voice first thing. He made some odd noises before talking about what was coming up on today's show. He mentioned Geraldo Rivera and how they love to talk to the guy even though he's nuts. He also mentioned that they'd be playing a new game called ''Name That Cancer.'' Evil David Letterman will be on the show tomorrow.
Howard said that Gary came in before the show and asked him if he wanted to ''be controversial like he was back in the old days.'' Gary said that's not exactly what he said though. He said he asked if Howard wanted to ''stir it up'' a little with something on the show today. He said he'd explain it to him off the air because it was dumb and boring to talk about on the air.
Howard and Fred continued to goof on Gary about his statement even after he moved on taking phone calls. One guy saw the E! show last night and said that Catherine Bell had a hair lip. Howard said other than that she was hot. He said she was kind of big too though.
Another caller brought up last night's ''America Idol'' which Howard hadn't seen yet. He and Robin spent some time discussing the show and how bad Paula Abdul is on it. She tries to defend the awful singers on the show and Howard seems to hate that. He played a clip of her defending one person's horrible performance. Howard also talked about the fat guy on the show who just repeats the performer's names 3 times and gives his opinion.
Howard said he didn't want to start watching NBC's new show ''Meet the Parents'' but he got sucked into it. He said it's another winner. He said they have 3 guys who want to date a girl and they compete against the others to win a date with this girl. The winner gets to take the girl to Hawaii for a week and bang her according to Howard. Howard said the father of this girl was a gym teacher but they lived in a beautiful house. Howard said Beth thinks that they must have set the guy up in a nice house for the show or something.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he watches MTV's ''Sorority Life.'' Howard said he saw it but doesn't like it because it's boring. Gary said girls who are that consumed with the ''sorority life'' are a little disturbing anyway.
A caller told Howard he saw Mary McCormack (Howard's movie wife) on Craig Kilborn's show last night talking about how she puts Howard on TiVo so she can watch him when she wants to. That led to Howard talking about how great Mary's natural breasts were. He was soon talking about his mother's breasts and how he once saw them when she walked out into the hall naked when he was a kid. Howard said they were huge. Artie said his mother's breasts were big too and he got an eyeful one time when she wiped tears from her eyes with her t-shirt. He said he ran to his room after seeing that.
Howard ended up talking about something completely different a minute later. He talked about a Veterinarian researcher who was going to do some AIDS testing by using 6 cats because they have a similar type of AIDS as humans do. When PETA found out they started hassling the guy and he eventually gave up on the research. Howard said if he had AIDS he'd be pissed that these PETA people are stopping research on something that needs animals to be used in the testing process.
During a commercial break Howard was talking about wheat beer. When he came back he spent a little time talking about that. He said it's like these people who smoke clove cigarettes. There's plenty of good, commercial beers out there but some people have to try these other wacky things. Howard eventually asked Gary to get him some of this wheat beer so he can try it himself.
Stuttering John came in to talk about the new ''Austin Powers: Goldmember'' movie premiere. He went to see it and said there weren't really any celebrities at the premiere. Seth Green was the only one there according to John. He said the movie was really good though. Howard was hoping that it would be bad for some reason.
John mentioned that Britney Spears has a cameo in the movie and she looks really hot. Howard ended up talking about Britney's restaurant which is called Nyla. He's heard that the place is just mediocre but a lot of hot chicks hang out there.
Howard had John get back to the Austin Powers thing. John said he thinks this one will be huge and will probably break all kinds of records.
Listener Submissions, Good And Bad... Mostly Bad. 07/25/06. 9:45am
Gary came in and told Howard that they heard from Carmen Electra's publicist that she's upset about the story about her going out with Jamie Foxx because it's just not true. She wasn't even out over the weekend according to her publicist. Howard said he's angry with the story too because he doesn't want her to be out with Jamie Foxx. Howard told Gary to get Carmen on the phone because he wants to hear it from her.
Howard said they get a lot of wacky songs from fans so he played a few of them. Richard came in and said they actually get some good songs too. Howard played two bad ones and then a good one (according to Richard). That band's song was sent in by one of the guy's aunts. Howard thought it was a lot to take but it was pretty good. He said he's not sure he'd buy that song but he doesn't really buy any songs.
Howard played one commercial parody about a ''cum paste'' that went on for 2 minutes and 30 seconds. He didn't know where they were going with the bit and it was just way too much stuff in it. He said a mad man must have written that bit. He continued to play it just to find out what they did for the rest of the 2 minutes and 11 seconds that he hadn't heard. Howard said they should call the guy and tell him he's a genius as a joke of course.
Sal came in and said that the Cum Paste bit was the best out of 20 tracks the guy had on his CD. Howard told Sal to get a phone number for the guy so he could call him. Sal just stood there not doing anything so Howard had to tell him to get the number again.
There was still a minute left on the awful bit. Artie said that the bit was actually making him angry because it was way too long and it was wasting his time. The chick in the commercial kept saying ''sperms'' too which was pissing Robin off. Every time it sounded like the commercial was over, it had more time on it. There were 23 seconds left so Howard finished it up. He said he was going to just replay that bit over and over again during the replays of the show just to piss the audience off.
Richard told Howard there were some other good things on his list. There was a song from Crotch Duster that he liked. Howard played that and a few other things. There was a rap song that sounded okay to him. He said it didn't sound any different than the songs they play on the Top 5 list. Richard had Howard play a bunch of other ones that he thought were okay.
Jerking Greg Around About His Lame 'Cum Paste' Bit. 07/25/06. 9:55am
Sal told Howard that Will had the guy who did that awful Cum Paste commercial on the phone. He was all shaky and nervous because he had trouble finding the CD and the guy's information. He said some very creepy things about how he knows Howard can be hard on him and he wished that he could be hard on him more. Howard kicked him out and got this guy Greg on the phone.
Howard told Greg that he did a great job on the commercial he sent in and made him feel like he had done the greatest bit ever. The guy said he does all kinds of erotic stuff and writes a ton of things. He asked Greg why he made the commercial go for over 2 and a half minutes. He said he's made some of them over 3 minutes long.
Greg had no idea that Howard had been ripping on him because he was on vacation in Palm Springs. The guy said he's been a roofer for 13 years and he does this stuff on the side. Howard asked him what kind of money it would take to get him to work there. He told him to keep his wife out of it because he was sitting right next to her. Howard asked Greg what it would take to get him there. Greg said he's just getting into this stuff and he's not sure. Artie broke in and told the guy he should get an agent before making a deal.
Howard asked Greg what he would charge him for the exclusive rights to the Cum Paste bit. Greg didn't know. Tim Sabean came in and asked what they need to get this guy on the show. Greg said this is crazy and it's right on the spot so he's not sure. Artie told him to make sure he retains the rights to the bits.
Howard and Tim asked him once again what kind of money he wants but Greg wasn't able to come up with a number. He said he would need a couple hundred thousand a year, maybe $250,000 a year. Howard told Tim this might be a good deal and said that he might sign him for $250,000 a year for five years.
Greg said that they need to get together to discuss business. Howard told Greg he didn't want to have a meeting and he would give him $300,000 but they would retain the rights to the bits. Greg said he had to talk to his wife quickly. He spoke to her and we could hear her talking about his Volume 1, 2 and 3.
Artie told Greg that for $310,000 a year they want him to roof Fred's house. Another guy called in and offered Greg $500,000 after telling him that his Cum Paste bit was genius. It was just Sal calling in from the office. Doug Goodstein came in and said that they could give him an additional $200,000 to turn his bits into TV shows. That would bring his salary up to $500,000 there at SIRIUS.
Howard asked Greg about the Cum Paste bit and why the woman is moaning as she's brushing her teeth. Greg explained the bit to him and said his idols are Dice Clay and George Carlin. Robin told Greg that they almost mistook his bit for one of Sal and Richard's. Greg said he's got enough material for about 10 or 15 CDs. Howard asked him if they're all as good as Cum Paste. Greg said that they're all great.
Howard broke the news to Greg that his bit is one of the worst things he's ever heard and that they were jerking him around. Riley Martin called in and said that he never heard from Tim Sabean yesterday when he was supposed to. He said that Tim must be as shady as the rest of the motherfuckers there. Howard asked Tim what was going on there. Tim said they got backed up and they will call Riley today.
Howard said he heard that Riley had asked for $5 million to do his show. Riley said that wouldn't even buy toilet paper for Howard. He's ready to go to full time now.
Howard told Greg that they were just dicking around with him and he'd better stay in the roofing business. He told him he knows he's trying but it's just not working. He told him that the bit wasn't funny and it just went on and on and on. Greg tried to defend the bit saying it was hilarious but Howard said it was awful and he should just give it up now. Greg told Howard to listen to some of the other bits before he decides. Artie told Greg that what they just did was funny, his bit was not.
Greg suggested that they listen to some of his other bits before deciding about the whole CD. Howard saw some of the tracks like ''Pussy Eating Machine'' and ''Cum Gum'' so Greg suggested the ''Pussy Eating Machine'' bit to listen to. Howard found the track and tried to play it but the CD wouldn't play in his machine. He tried another bit called ''One Eyed Jack.'' Artie was laughing at the bit but he wasn't laughing at how funny it was, he was laughing at how bad it was. Howard was 30 seconds into the bit and said they didn't know what the hell he was talking about. He did correct himself and said that the Cum Paste bit wasn't the worst he's heard, this ''One Eyed Jack'' bit was the worst.
Howard asked Greg what it would cost them to get every copy of this CD destroyed. Greg wasn't so happy at this point. Howard found another clip called ''You Got Fucked at the Drive-Thru.'' That one was horrible as well. Howard asked him how all of his bits could have nothing funny in them. Greg said that maybe Howard just doesn't laugh at things that are funny. Artie told Greg that he should keep going through life like this because he'll always be happy that way.
Greg put his wife Victoria on the phone so Howard told her how horrible the whole CD was. She said they've sent it to other places as well and they have more bits on a full CD instead of the demo disc that they have. She said she would overnight them a copy of the full CD if he wanted. Howard played another bit called ''Spermaholic'' after she told him it got a great response at this event they went to. The bit was going nowhere so Howard cut it off. Fred told him that it was just getting good so he got back to it.
Howard asked Victoria if she actually saw people laughing at this stuff. She said people were laughing right at the start. She claims that girls were into the CD and bought the CD at this event they were at. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks this is the biggest piece of horse shit he's ever heard. Victoria said that they think this CD is great and it doesn't matter if people don't like it. She didn't like that they called them to goof on them. She said if they didn't like the CD they didn't have to call them and goof on them. Howard told Victoria he had to get going so she got off the phone very quickly after thanking him for that.
More Sgt. Hartman Prank Calls. 5/17/02. 7:40am
Howard played some more of these celebrity prank calls that he's been playing lately. This one guy Bob uses the voice of Sgt. Hartman from the movie ''Full Metal Jacket'' and does some great prank calls. Howard had 4 new calls that he played which were great. He said you can listen to the clips at CampChaos.com
Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs Comes In. 5/17/02. 7:50am
Rapper Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs came in to promote his new album ''We Invented the Remix'' which is out today. Howard started off the interview playing his favorite P. Diddy song where they sing the spelling of ''P. Diddy.'' He soon moved on to talk to Sean about the chicks he bangs and how he will actually call a modeling agency to hook up with a model he sees in a magazine. Howard also read an article in a tabloid magazine about how Naomi Campbell claimed that Sean wasn't good in bed. He went over that with Sean for a short time.
Howard told Sean that he wears his SeanJean clothing all the time and really likes his stuff. Sean, barely talking above a whisper, thanked Howard for that.
Howard spent a short time asking Sean about his feud with Suge Knight. Suge was on the show a while back badmouthing P. Diddy so Howard replayed the tape and wanted Sean to comment on it. Sean said he's got no problem with Suge and he doesn't know what Suge's problem is with him. He mumbled about the situation but didn't seem to want to talk about it much.
Howard spent some time talking about his recording session with this guy Pharrell yesterday. Howard hooked up with the guy and wanted to make a hit song with him. Howard said he was embarrassed while he did the recording session because everyone was expecting something from him. Howard said the whole thing was really weird. Pharrell had a bodyguard with him and all the guy did was stare at Howard. Howard said he had to ask him not to stare at him. Howard said both of the guys are big fans of Howard. Pharrell apparently forgot to bring the music track he created so they had to use something else. Howard said they then had him try and rap. Howard had tape of the recording session and it was really embarrassing. He had no music track to rap to. Pharrell just had Howard yelling like an angry rap star. Howard said he did that for 9 minutes and that was that. He said Pharrell told him he did great and left. Gary told more of the story. He said they had Howard sing a little bit after Pharrell left. Gary took the tape over to Pharrell's office after the recording session and let the guy hear it. He said the look on his face was really great because Howard's singing is so bad.
Howard played the new single ''I Need a Girl'' from P. Diddy's album and plugged it a little bit. Howard then wrapped up the interview.
Impressions Week: Jackie Reading Robin's Book - April 13, 1995. 09/06/12. 6:30am
Next on Impressions Week they played a segment from 1995 when Jackie read a bit of Robin's book.
In the clip Howard talked about how Jackie had been reading Robin's book to him in the car on the way to a movie. Howard said Jackie thought he was going to split his side laughing but it wasn't that hard. Jackie said it was too that hard.
Howard had Jackie read some of Robin's book ''Quivers: A Life.'' He read from Chapter 6 ''The Two James.'' Jackie went into his Robin impression and read a bit of the chapter in that voice. Howard was cracking up as Jackie did his thing. Jackie was going way over the top with the impression. Robin asked if he was adding words to the reading. Jackie said he was reading it word for word. He had Robin cracking up at the impression too.
Howard said Robin likes her words being read. Jackie kept going and went even more over the top with the impression. He was laughing at what he was reading as he went through it. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to hear another reading. Robin said that was very funny so she did want to hear more.
Jackie read more of Robin's book in that crazy impression. He had Robin and Howard cracking up. Jackie was reading about this outfit Robin was wearing for a date she was going on. Jackie would go through it and have Howard cracking up. Jackie said he hopes no one else picks the other passage he wanted to read. Howard told him to do another one now. Jackie said he didn't want to over do it though. Howard told him to save it then. He said it's obvious he wants to read more though.
Jackie read another little bit from Robin's book where she talked about losing her virginity. Jackie was cracking up reading that stuff. He had Howard laughing but Robin didn't sound quite as amused now. She said ''How dare you read my stuff.'' Jackie read about Robin having sex and how excruciating the pain was.
Jackie wrapped up and everyone applauded. Howard said he loves reading that stuff out loud. Howard said Robin has given him a purpose in life. He said it's funny when Jackie reads it. Jackie said there's a party in every paragraph. Howard said he relishes every page. Robin said she heard from him that he was only reading about 1 page every 15 minutes because he was absorbing it all. Howard said he didn't realize he was having so much fun with the book.
Stuttering John said that everyone was calling and saying how great this stuff is. Some people were saying that Jackie should stop putting his own jokes on his CDs and put this on there instead. Howard said that he finally found something he's good at. He said the fans can't get enough of this. He should have done that on Star Search. They wrapped up a short time later.
Today's special was over around 10:10am.
Jon said the key is to not react to it. He said sometimes the natural reaction comes out and it becomes a fixture on the show. Scott said that's just the way it is. He said you can't complain about one thing.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Robin's party. He said it was a really nice event. He said hearing it and looking back on it he thinks about how much has changed since then. He said so many things happened there. He said Sal got pranked when Howard asked Richard to come on the boat with him. He said Sal was freaking out about that.
Jon asked Scott what he remembers about that. Scott said he remembers Ralph hogging the jet skis. He said he went out on a boat ride and everyone was there. Jon said Ralph did take the jet ski and he kept it for 90 minutes. He said no one was allowed to take it. Jon said JD had a drinking episode there too. He said that was the JD of 2006 and not the big star they know now.
Jon asked JD if he was smashed at that party. JD said he remembers bits and pieces of that. He said he spilled a drink on the boat. Jon said it was on Ronnie. JD said he remembers taking a group picture and Jared was shirtless. Jon asked if he remembers telling someone to fuck off when they asked if he wanted to take a tour of Robin's house. JD said he doesn't remember that. He said he will do that if he's drunk enough though.
Jon said that JD bonded with them over the food. He said he loves when they get together outside this world and it's just them. Jon asked who is most different in that environment. He said Sal was one who Gary said is much different around his wife.
Shuli said the one guy he noticed was different was Steve Langford. He said when he showed up with his family he was a completely different guy. He said it was like the machine was unplugged for a while. Jon said Steve is two different people and that's the way he always was.
Jon said they all had a really good time at that party. Scott said it's one of the few parties he's been invited to in his time there. Jon asked if he thinks that he's left out on purpose. Scott said he doesn't think so. Jon said he's more of a behind the scenes kind of guy. He asked if he thinks his personality has something to do with it. Scott said he doesn't have a very outgoing personality and they've been over that before.
Benjy said there is this psychological thing called scapegoating. Jon asked Scott if he thinks that's what he is. Scott said he doesn't think so. Shuli said anyone can be there as long as you're on Howard Stern. Benjy said he thinks that Scott gets called out more than others do.
Jon said Scott doesn't make the cut often. He said he thinks that people forget. Scott said it still happens. Benjy said he thinks that it's a decision. Scott said a lot of it is his fault. He said he would say he can't make it and people assume he won't come. Scott said he thinks he got himself into that. He said if it happens time and time again then people will stop asking.
Jon said that JD is notorious for not showing up. JD said he's not the only one. He said that Jon lives out on Long Island and he won't come to things like that. Jon said that JD is now in Manhattan and he's more available for these social type things. JD said that he's taking his girlfriend out and introducing her to people. He said she's becoming friends with them so he tags along.
Jon asked JD if he would ask Howard to go out. JD said he doesn't have that kind of relationship with him. Jon said he could. Jon asked if he would meet with Howard and Beth if they asked him out. JD said he would probably do that. JD said if he says no then there's going to be an analyzing of that. He said he thinks he would go out.
Benjy said that he loves New York and JD really doesn't want to live there. JD said he likes the city. He said he could live somewhere else if there was a job there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Howard will bring back guys like Jackie and Artie for an all star show. Jon said Jackie has been on a couple of times and he has a show on Howard 101. He said he thins Howard might go down that avenue if he was ending the show. He said he hopes that's not for a long time though.
Jon said when Jackie does come in the Fred and Jackie thing is kind of strange. He said Jackie thinks Fred doesn't like him and Fred denies that. Scott said Fred enjoys busting Jackie's balls because Jackie did it for so long. He said he does a great job with it too.
Jon said Robin tells Jackie he blew it when he comes in. Scott said he's not upset with Jackie for leaving. He said he's not sure why Robin and Fred would have anything against him for leaving. Benjy said he thinks it is resentment like ''how dare you leave.'' Jon said if you're a part of the show and then someone leaves and you come back into the mix it's going to be awkward. He said there's an unspoken kind of tension there.
Shuli said that Howard has said Jackie would put himself ahead of the team and hold out for more money. He said Howard said that the last time Jackie did that and told him he wasn't going to be able to help him.
Jon said Jackie seemed to be about the plugs and money and he may have over valued himself with the show. Shuli said there are no plugs or money without the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he forgot how funny that cum paste bit was. He said Howard turned that whole thing around and made it a great radio bit. Jon said that bit was horrible and they called the guy and pranked him. He said he really felt for the guy. He said the best part in his opinion is when Howard tells him it's the biggest piece of crap he's heard and the guy thinks that's the bit. He said it went on for so long and it was so funny. He said Howard is masterful at making anything interesting. He said that's why he's the best at what he does. He said Artie was great in it and Robin played along really well too.
Jon said Scott has been around the longest of the guys in the room. He said he's heard it all. Scot said that Howard can figure out a way to make it interesting no matter what it is.
Jon said he's not sure that guy is still doing those bits. JD said he's not sure how far a guy who calls himself Cum Slosh Josh can make it.
Shuli said that Howard can make a meal out of scraps. He said he remembers a guy who wanted to get into porn and they called the guy off the air and asked him to do insane things. He said that whole moment was an example of Howard turning nothing into something. They went to break after that.
Jon said he and Scott do the IDs that they play. He said that they had something simple written on the page for Jackie and Jackie did that without Gary in the room. He said Gary loves Jackie and misses him. Scott said they all miss him. Jon said Jackie was merciless with that stuff. Jon said back then Gary didn't have the respect of a lot of people on the show like he does now. Scott agreed. He said that stuff continued off the air too. He said he continued to make gorilla jokes even off the air just to break Gary's balls.
Shuli said that Jackie would go to the bathroom and he'd make a tooth joke about Gary just in case Gary was in a stall in there.
Benjy said that kind of stuff over and over again can get to you. Jon said he thinks that Gary enjoys that a little bit. He said he thinks JD does too. JD said ''c'mon.'' Shuli said it's fun when Fred is doing it and he's not pissed off like he is when it's coming from Will and Jason in the office. Jon said Will hits him non stop. He said he can laugh about it. JD said not all the time. Jon said that he will get pissed off by other people doing it. JD said he can't take it all the time from Will.
Benjy asked if it hurts or is it just the repeating. JD said it's the repetitive part. Shuli said it's like a battered wife on COPS. He said he juts deals with it. JD said that's kind of what it is. Jon said they have to get Will in there. JD said he hopes Will isn't there today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems like Howard's attitude is that the show is more serious now than it used to be. He said it used to be 100 percent fun and now it's like 75 percent fun and 25 percent work. Jon said he thinks Howard's attitude is that this is his job and he takes it very seriously. He said he's trying to be the best he can be. He said that's the way he approaches the show. He said when the microphone goes on he's on. He said Howard is getting enjoyment out of whatever he's doing.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks he's having less fun now. Scott said he thinks that Howard just wants everything to go correctly.
Jon interrupted Scott because Will was in there. Jon said that JD agreed that when Will picks on him he's like a battered woman on COPs. Will said he's a chubby battered woman. Jon said JD keeps going back for more. He said Will would stop if he knew it hurt JD for real. Will said he wouldn't but then said he actually would. He said he'd stop for his own safety. Jon said that Gary didn't seem to mind it when Jackie did it.
Will said he thinks that Howard would stop with JD if he saw it was bothering him. He said that it's not funny if they can't take it. Will said it's always a fine line around there.
Jon said that Benjy is the whipping boy of the show and he has been for a long time. Jon said when some people do it then it rolls off his back. He said other people can get to him though. Scott said Howard is his boss and he has to take shit from him.
Scott said he can deal with it coming from Howard. Scott said a lot of people trash other people on Twitter and he just blocks it out. He said that's what he can do at work too.
Scott said when he does his job right no one hears about it. He said when he screws up one thing a year it comes out like he can't do anything right. Jon asked how long he's worked there. Scott said it's 29 years. Jon asked if he feels unappreciated. Scott said at times he does. Jon said he thinks that Gary has evolved with the show. He said now he gets picked on but it's different. He said there's a level of respect that you can hear. He said with Scott it doesn't seem to happen. Jon said he wonders if that's why he feels unappreciated. Scott said at some point everyone feels unappreciated in their job. Scott said in this job you don't get a lot of pats on the back. He said sometimes you like that even though you shouldn't expect it. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked JD about taking abuse on the show and how it seems to be out of love. He asked if that makes him feel better in a way. JD said it just depends on how he's feeling at the time. He said sometimes you can hear a joke or something about you and it can get annoying. He said he does love everyone there. He said sometimes you let your guard down. Will said that it's all about love... JD's love of eating.
Jon asked who is loved on the show. Will said he loves Sal on the show. He said obviously JD too. Jon said that he loves Sal too. Shuli said that they're forgetting Ronnie. Will said he doesn't think so. He said that he's not really a lovable person. Jon said the real question is who is the most beloved on the show. Shuli said people love JD and Ronnie on the show.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if there are ever weeks that go by that there aren't microphones that are screwed up. Scott said that it doesn't happen all the time. He said that she has it in her head that they are but they're not. The caller said she's been listening to the show since Scott has been there and he gets yelled at once a week. Scott said it's not once a week. The caller said he has to turn his radio on and listen to it. Scott said they had a problem the other day and there was a broken wire in a room he doesn't deal with. He said that they blame it on him and say that he fucked up. Jon said that's not true. He said that it is Scott's responsibility to make sure the show is on the air live when it starts. He said that ultimately it is his responsibility. He said Gary is the one who has to be there for that too and he's good at taking the hit.
The caller said yesterday they had Ronnie riding the Sybian on Sternthology and she pissed her pants hearing that. Jon said so did Ronnie.
Scott got back to that broken wire. He said he made sure it got fixed and it did. Scott asked what he did wrong. Jon said he didn't have it working properly when the show started in his opinion. Benjy said that he said he did the proper check at the proper time. Scott said before they went on the air he knew something was wrong. He said it wasn't after. He said he found the problem and it took a few minutes where the problem was and how to correct it. Jon said that's great. Scott said things do break.
Jon said when Scott is doing something there is no sense of urgency. He said that's what people notice. Scott said he used to be that way. He said you rush around and can't think clearly. He said now he relaxes and thinks it out clearly.
Will said that a lot of people make mistakes there but Scott's are noticed because it affects the audio of the show. Benjy said that based on what he's hearing it doesn't sound like he did anything wrong. Jon said hopefully they changed the caller's mind.
Jon asked Shuli to give them his Howard 100 News headlines. Shuli ran down a few things they had coming up today. The guys got in some plugs and then they ended the show. They were done around 11:15am.
Jon went over what they replayed this morning and said he thinks that George Takei is one of the horniest men his age. Richard said it's nice to see that he still has it after being sexually active so long. He said it's entertaining for the show too. Jon said Howard's sex drive is still pretty high too. Richard said George gets himself in trouble talking about that stuff.
Jon said it's interesting when George starts talking about something and he's thinking about Brad listening. He just goes with it though and talks about it. Richard said he has gotten in trouble a couple of times with Brad and he's more careful now.
Jon said they got a detailed description of what goes on at George's place when they wrestle. He said they've been enjoying each other for a long time now. He said George gets in trouble when he's critical of Brad's weight.
Benjy asked if it's okay to tell your mate they need to lose weight. JD said it depends on the relationship. Richard said for a woman to tell a guy that is fine but it's tough the other way around. Jon said if he told his wife she had to lose a few she'd appreciate the honesty or she'd tell him to lose some weight himself. Jon said you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but it's tough to battle sometimes.
Benjy wondered if George or Brad are in the feminine role. Jon said they seem to be an equal partnership. Richard said they'd have to see them wrestle to find out. Richard said he thinks it's pretty much equal. Benjy said he thought George was the effeminate one. He said now it seems he's more ''top-ish.''
Jon asked if Richard would nude wrestle anyone on the show. Richard said he thinks he would wrestle with Jon. Jon asked why he would do that. Richard said he doesn't think he could fight off his advances. He said that he thinks he'd want to wrestle someone more in his weight class. Benjy said Richard is in shape and he'd love to wrestle him naked. He said that's the way they wrestled in the Olympics until the 60s or something like that.
Richard said it's tough to lift someone off of you when you wrestle naked. Jon asked if he would wrestle Gary. Richard said he would. Benjy asked if there's anyone he won't wrestle because of their looks. Richard said someone like High Pitch Eric he wouldn't want to. He said no offense to Eric of course.
Richard said he would feel comfortable with the guys on the show. Jon asked if he'd really want to tumble with him nude. Richard said he would. He said they have pitched an idea where they wonder how long it takes for Jon Hein to throw them down and take advantage of them anally. Jon said he'd have a tougher time with Richard than he would with Sal. He said Sal would be down in seconds. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon asked the guys if they think Howard is a suppressed musician. Richard said he thinks he is. He said he says that on the air all the time. He said anyone who is a fan of music wants to experience what that's like. Richard said he wishes he could have gone further than he did in music. He said it's awesome to play in front of people. He said he can see why Howard would want that.
Jon asked Richard what more he wanted from the music business. He asked if he'd want to replace Neil Peart or something. Richard said there were countries where he wanted to play but never did. He said that he's sure that even Paul McCartney wants to do things that he hasn't gotten to do yet.
Jon said he wonders if Howard is envious of Richard for being able to tour. Richard said he thinks that Howard just wants to be able to play an instrument really well. He said he thinks he wants to play guitar and be able to play some killer licks. Jon asked JD if he has that feeling. JD said he played a little guitar. He said he had a teacher and learned to play Hot Cross Buns and Mary Had a Little Lamb. He said that was in like 6th grade. He said he lost interest though. He said he wishes he could play the drums. Richard said he could give him some lessons. Jon asked if he wanted to do something else or was he just done with it. JD said he doesn't remember.
Jon asked Benjy if he ever wanted to do any of that. Benjy said he never thought about being a rock star. He said he didn't really have that same thing that Howard does.
Jon said he can play a little guitar and drums but not very well. He said he didn't put the time in to get good at it. He said Steve Brandano does and he knows he likes to be able to play. He said being a rock star is another level though.
Richard said he knows Howard respects song writers too. He said it's one thing to be able to play a song but being able to write one is something else. He said he thinks Howard really respects that.
Benjy said he's not sure that the writing is as great as being able to write the tune. He said the tunes can be made great by many words. Richard said that it's really hard to write songs. He said that you have to write the music and then match up vocal melodies and the lyrics. He said he finds it extremely difficult to do. He said that he hears people who can do it and it blows his mind when he hears that.
Jon said that Elton John and Bernie Taupin are a great team and he's really envious of what they can do. Richard said there are great musicians who aren't great song writers. He said having that talent is kind of a gift. He said he doesn't have that. He said he can write okay songs but some people can naturally do it.
Jon said that Rappers don't seem to get the same respect that Elton Jon gets. He said that some people give less credibility to the lyric writers.
Benjy said rap is more about the rhythm of it than the words. Jon said that maybe Sal or Jon Leiberman could address that better. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
JD said he had to sing the song with the 50 States in it. He started to sing it. He stopped but Jon told him to keep going because he didn't know that one. JD went ahead and sang most of it until he got to Michigan. Then he needed some help. Jon said he got through quite a few of them. Jon said he'd never heard that song before.
Benjy sang a song that they had to learn when he was in school. He said he didn't know what it meant when he sang about Sand Lappers. Richard started singing a couple of songs they knew as kids in school. Jon said he was in a Spanish chorus and they had to sing Guantanamera. He said he's not sure he could sing it now. He didn't even try.
Jon brought up Big Foot who was at the premiere for ''Jersey Shore Massacre.'' Richard said he was great in the movie. He said it's like he was born to do it. Jon said Big Foot had a lot of stories that were great this week. He said that he kept George quiet for a long time too. Richard said George is so refined and dignified and it was great seeing them interact. Richard said he thinks that Big Foot is great in that part. He said he's one, big, scary guy. He said he's frightening on film and he thinks he has a future in it.
Jon said everyone is branching out and going off doing these other things. He said that Sal is in the movie too. Benjy said the song he saw that Sal did in the film was really fun. He said they play the song during the movie but it comes out in the end too. Richard said you can hear him channeling his inner G-man in that. Jon said that this was an absolute living out of a fantasy for Sal. He said he knows Sal will deny that but that's what it is. Jon said he thinks Sal really enjoyed it. He said he hopes the film does well for all of them.
Jon wrapped up the show and had the guys get in their plugs. They were done around 10:30am.
Jon also said that Benjy is fresh off his big screen debut of Sharknado. Benjy said he thanks everyone for coming out. Jon asked if he still thinks he wasn't killed off in the movie. Benjy said that he wasn't and you'll see that in Sharknado 3. Jon said there are lots of ways of making that happen.
Jon said they're there to talk about what Howard talked about. He went over what they played today and said he wanted to talk about Eric the Actor and the conversation George Takei had with him about how he's not a real actor because he's not willing to play certain roles. Jon said they talked to George about that this week and he's willing to play roles that he's not comfortable with.
Richard said he's up for doing anything on camera himself. Jon asked JD. JD said he's not much of an actor. Richard asked if he would direct a gay scene. JD said he would. He said he wanted to direct something about Queen and Freddie Mercury was gay. JD said that it would have centered on Freddie Mercury a lot. He said if he felt passionate about something enough then he would be up for doing whatever. Jon asked JD about focusing on the male sex in the film. JD said he's not a big fan of sex scenes to be in movies. He said they're pointless usually. Jon asked what a non gratuitous sex scene would be. JD said he can't even say. Richard mentioned the movie Mischief and the scene where the woman showed her boobs. JD said that was a good one.
Jon asked if they're going to see any sex scenes in JD's movies. JD said probably not. They guys brought up a scene in Revenge of the Nerds where a woman is having sex with one of the nerds and she doesn't know it's that guy. Benjy said he thinks that was rape. She didn't know who she was really with. Benjy said you know she thought it was the other guy at first. Jon said once she took his hand she knew who it was. JD said that she didn't know who it was at the end of the scene. Benjy said they do have intercourse. JD thought the guy went down on her.
Benjy said that woman could have pressed charges against that guy. Jon said they ended up becoming a couple though. They went to break a short time later.
Benjy said he thought it was a great segment. He said it's very freeing not to be into something like that though. He said he doesn't give a fuck about it. Jon asked if he wonders why people waste time on it. Benjy said it's not that. He said he's just not into it and he has never followed sports in that way. Richard asked if he watches games. Benjy said he can but he doesn't watch for a whole season.
Jon said Benjy went to Penn State though. Benjy said he loves the aura of the whole thing. He said it's great but didn't give a fuck about the game itself. He said he likes the hype of it all.
Jon said one thing that came up was that Wonderlic test and how they all did in that. He said Steve Brandano finished last and people were saying he dropped out of the league because of that. Jon said he knows that's not the case though. Steve said the reason his score was so bad is because he knew he was dropping out. He said he as just annoyed he had to do it. Steve said Matthew was sending out texts every 20 minutes and it was really annoying. He said he was in a wedding over the weekend and he kept getting them the whole time. Jon said that was partly due to Will not knowing how to text.
Jon asked Steve if he will have a lot more free time to just be a football fan this season. Steve said he will. He said he thinks he will feel left out a bit but other times he'll be happy he's not involved with it. He said he's happy this week he's not participating in all of the activities.
Jon said JD said winning this title was even better than any sexual experience he's ever had. JD said he was part joking about that. He said it did feel good though. Jon asked how much satisfaction does he get out of Will not winning a title in the league. JD said he's thinking about how great it is for himself to win something and dominate it. Jon said he finished last 3 years in a row though. JD said he won last season though.
Jon said Will is really frustrated that he can't win the league. He said even Jason has won once. Benjy said it's great that people are so frustrated by it. He asked if they have come up with a punishment yet. The guys said they have not. He asked if Steve has been replaced. Jon said he's in the process of being replaced.
Benjy asked if it's true that Steve got angry that someone else drafted one of his guys. Steve said that he did get upset. Jon said he apologized to Steve before he did it. Steve said he felt wronged by that. He said he's been made fun of in the past for picking him.
Jon told the guys what he did that he thinks helped give JD the win last season. JD said that was bullshit and he won fair and square. Benjy said that he thinks it's just a game and they should do whatever they can to win. They spent a little time talking about that and then took another break.
Jon said he loved when he did his William Shatner impression too. He said George didn't react to the nose scratching thing. He said even that was funny. Jon said when you are put under it does change your mind state. He said if you're guarded about going under then it doesn't really work. He said that happened with JD. JD said his guard was extremely up. Jon said that George was happy that he got to take a nap. He said Sal was also hypnotized once and they learned that he was a turtle in a past life.
Jon said he heard that Sal took his new wife, Larry Caputo, to the premiere of the movie Jersey Shore Massacre. Richard said that they have to share Sal. He said they had a discussion about that at the movie premiere. Richard said he got a kiss on the side of his face and it turned out to be Larry.
Jon said getting back to George he wanted to talk about how even with his guard up you can still fool him on so many things. He said he's very trusting and it works perfectly for the show. He said he does get fooled but he also gets a kick out of the laugh. He said he has a better time than just about anyone who walks in the door there. Jon said they all wondered how he was going to be on the show on a regular basis and he just blends right in.
Benjy said it's one of his favorite things about the show. He said it makes it special to have George on. He said he loves it and he's very happy about it.
Richard said he had dinner with George and Brad this week. He said he saw ''To Be Takei'' this week too. He said you learn a lot about the two of them in the documentary. Richard said he and his wife love hanging out with them. He said that George gets the most positive fan mail too. He said he's the most likeable guy ever.
Jon asked JD if he would be the subject of a documentary. JD said no. He said he doesn't want a camera on him.
Richard said you get a lot of insight into Brad and George in the documentary. He said it's great to see more of Brad in there. Jon wrapped up the show after that. They were done around 11:10am.