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Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how big the show was going to be today. Robin asked what was so special. Howard said he doesn't know. He said they have Louis C.K. and Seth Rogen coming in. He said that's a big deal.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't like NBC. He said they showed a promo of AGT and they didn't even show Howard. He said that's bullshit. Robin said Howard is the only one who doesn't speak in the promo. Howard said he probably didn't participate in it. Robin said that are showing it during NBC shows and Howie says something and Heidi says something. She wasn't sure about Mel. the caller said Mel said something too. Howard said Howie, Mel and Heidi are the stars of the show. Howard said he has no idea who makes those decisions over there. He said he did participate in a commercial that they gave all of the lines to.
Howard said he really doesn't give a fuck. He said he's so fucking famous and successful. He said he joined AGT as a goof kind of. He said he thought it would be funny to see him on that show. Howard said the network ended up liking it and he stayed on for a couple more seasons. The caller told him not to do it next season. Howard said they are really nice to him over there. He said that he was reading Hollywood Reporter and he saw a full page ad in the magazine and they were congratulating him for being named one of the most powerful people in Hollywood. Howard said they took out a full page ad to do that. Howard said no one does that for anyone.
Howard said they treat him very well. He said they understood he can't travel that much because he has a commitment there on radio. He said they moved the show to New York. He said they don't do that kind of thing for just anyone. He said that's really an incredible company. He said he has to tell the caller that it's irrelevant that he's not in that promo. Howard said he shot a 30 second promo piece for them and it's him walking down the hall. He said he has all the lines and the other judges have one word. He said that he read the script and did it but he got self conscious that he got all of the lines. He said he would have been fine with it if he didn't get those lines. He said he embraced it and just did it. The caller cut Howard off and Howard got flustered. He said he was trying to make a point.
Howard said Howie was on set saying he was rehearsing his one word and it made him very self conscious. He said he doesn't feel that way. He said if Howie wants to be the guy walking down the hall he'd be fine with that. He said Mel B asked why he had all of the lines too. He said he wanted to say that he's the most famous there but he didn't do it. He said they chose him for some reason to have all the lines. Howard said he's fine with it if they don't do that. He said it's four people and they can't always put everyone in.
Howard said he doesn't make everyone else feel funny about it when they don't have the lines. He said he tries to support them and not make them feel funny.
The caller said he only wants to see Howard. He said he loves Fred too. Howard said he's being treated very well over there at AGT. He said he used to have negative feelings about NBC when he worked on their radio station. He said he has been treated very well at AGT though. He said he is honored that they'd move the show to New York to accommodate him. He said he can't say a bad word about that.
Robin said the promo just made her think of Howard. Howard said he has told NBC that the less of him there is the more people want to see. He said that there are some people who are always there at AGT who do interviews for these entertainment shows. He said they ask him the same things week after week but then they'll ask him about something in the news and use those clips. He said he would rather have none of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he saw the Time 100 most powerful people. Howard said he didn't see it. The caller told Howard about some of the people who were on the list. Howard said he doesn't take those things seriously. The caller said they're supposed to be journalists. Howard said they're trying to sell magazines. He said the whole thing is ridiculous. Howard said he had a production company and he went to Hollywood and sold shows left and right. He said they have to sell magazines and make up lists. He said none of them are influential in Hollywood. He asked who the fuck cares.
Howard said he has a piece of art that is fantastic. He said it's called The Beetles and it has Beetlejuice as the Beatles. Howard said it's fantastic. They have it up on HowardStern.com and on their Facebook page. Howard said it's by a guy named Tom Adelsbach. Howard said it's really fantastic.
Howard said the bit announcement is that it's been a few months since the birthday bash. Howard said they had some great performances there. He said they had Steven Tyler, Slash, John Mayer, Adam Levine, Natalie Maines, The Black Keys and many others.
Howard said he has had the video of it at home. He said he has watched it about 5 times. He said he loves watching Sarah Silverman singing that song and Jewel doing her thing. Howard said he had the event video taped and Joel Gallen did that for them. Howard said for all of those who loved it and those who want to see it can now see it. Howard said it will be available for free to everyone in the world this summer. He said he is putting it up on SiriusXM.com and you'll be able to get it through HowardStern.com too.
Howard said this will have Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Fallon, David Letterman, Bon Jovi, Jeffrey Ross and more. He said he'll have more details as they get closer to the launch date. Howard said this will be free. He said he says this with peace and love.
Howard said he didn't see the whole show. He only saw Eric's part. Howard said the camera work was horrible in that scene. He said the camera was roving around and moving. He said JD told him that the guy was on a bad meth trip. Howard said he wasn't on a meth trip himself so he didn't like it. He said that they should have just caught the action. Howard said maybe he's old school. He said he doesn't like that kind of camera work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of Legit and he was excited to see Eric on there. He said Eric was so awful. Howard said you have to see the scene but he'll play some audio. Howard said whoever writes the show does a great job. Howard said the main character in the scene says something funny at the end of it. He played the clip and Eric is playing a guy running a cock fight. The main character asks if he's the guy who started Hustler magazine. Howard said Eric comes off really bad in a 30 second scene. The caller said he's not even acting. He said he's just doing a cameo. The caller also said he loves how Eric won't do a gay scene but they throw in the term ''cock master'' in there.
Howard said it's like Eric is doing Morse code with the way he speaks. He and Fred did their impressions of Eric and how he speaks. Robin said that delivery of his is amazing. Howard said they always limit him to just a couple of lines. Howard said the line is great about him being the guy who started Hustler magazine. Howard said Eric does look like him too.
Howard played the clip again. Howard said that he can't understand what he's saying there. He had to replay the clip a couple of times. Howard said they should have had subtitles. Howard said he thinks that he said his character name is Pete. He had to replay it again. Then Howard played it through and didn't understand his last line. It was something about ''get spooge face out of here.'' Howard said he thought it was sponge face. Howard replayed the clip again. Robin thought it was ''screw face'' or something. Howard said Robin could be right.
JD came in and said he thinks it's ''spooge face.'' Howard replayed the clip again. He had to hear that again. Howard said it's going to be a mystery forever. Fred said he thinks that JD was right. He did his impression of Eric saying that line. Robin said there was something before ''face'' in there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a horrible weekend. He said when he heard Robin say something it made him lose it.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Howard had ever seen Eric in a remote control car on the streets of Hollywood. Howard said he had not but his call was making him nervous. He let the guy go a short time later.
Howard and Fred kept going with the Eric impressions. Howard wondered how many takes they had to do with Eric. Howard said he has to get Eric on another show.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a guy named Howard using clips of a bunch of celebrities wishing Howard Stern a happy birthday. The guy kept saying it wasn't his birthday. They played clip after clip of people wishing him a happy birthday. The guy asked who this was and he kept getting Happy Birthday wishes from a ton of celebrities. The guy eventually hung up. Howard went to break after that.
Howard played more of the audio and said the girl looks kind of like a rabbit. He said she appears to have had a lot of surgery. JD said she also says that she thinks of him as a father figure. Robin said the wife is suing her for using her feminine wiles to get money out of Donald. Howard said maybe she takes little rabbit shits. He said maybe that's why he calls her little rabbit.
Howard said Gary went to the White House Correspondents dinner. He said he's not sure why. He said Gary claims he was networking. Gary said he was networking. He said he saw Kareem Abdul-Jabbar but didn't meet him He said he did say hello quickly. He said he wrote a great article about Sterling. Howard said he saw him interviewed in a bunch of interviews. He said he worked for Donald Sterling. Howard said the article was really good.
Howard said he didn't hear one Baba Booey shout out at the dinner. Gary said there was supposed to be one. He said that the writers cut out a Baba Booey reference because of time. He said Joel McHale was going to mention him in his opening statement but they cut it.
Gary said he walked in with one of the Duck Dynasty guys and his wife. He said they are really odd looking guys with insanely hot smoking wives.
Gary said he was with Lara Spencer there and Eric Stonestreet was there. He said he tried talking Diane Sawyer into doing the show. He said she just laughed a lot. Gary said he felt a hand on his shoulder and it was Matthew Morrison. Howard said Gary is kind of like the Duck Dynasty guys being at that dinner. Gary said he doesn't look as odd as that guy did. He said he's got a ZZ Top beard and a headband on.
Gary said that Matthew Morrison is a huge fan of the show. He's on the show Glee. He said there were a bunch of other big fans of the show there. He said he spoke to Katie Couric for a few minutes. Robin asked how he's networking. HE's talking to the people who are on the show. Gary said he talked to a lot of people. He said he said a quick hello to Governor Christie.
Gary said Tori Burch was talking to Robert De Niro. He said that he spoke to Matt Lauer there too. He said that Nancy O'Dell, Jeff Zucker and some other people he spoke to. He said Armie Hammer is another huge fan of the show.
Howard asked Robin if she hated that report as much as he did. Robin said she did. Gary said McHale did a really good job. Howard said he liked him a lot. Howard said that was such a nothing report. Gary said you can listen to the Wrap Up Show to hear the real report. Howard said that's what they're all waiting for.
Howard said Gary was upset with him for not asking questions about that stuff. He said he's got nothing to ask from that list.
Howard asked Sal if he has ever seen the name of the band written out. Sal goofed on Gary a little bit while Howard was goofing on him. Robin said she would imagine that he's seen the band written down at some point. They were inducted into the Hall of Fame with KISS recently. Howard told Sal it's the E Street band. Sal said it's funny because if you don't read it then it sounds like East Street. Howard said he's not a huge fan of the band but he knows what it is. He said Sal sounds like an idiot when he says that. Sal said he's just not a fan. Robin said that he had to have read the name of the band. Sal said it sounds like East Street. Howard said there is a world of difference though. He said it's so amazing to him that he missed that. Sal said he just learned it now. He said it doesn't make a difference really.
Howard said Sal pitched something in their writer's meeting. He said he suggested that they ask the fans to make sculptures of the staff made out of doody. Howard said he doesn't think anyone would do that. Sal said he's sure there is someone who would.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if Gary feels uncomfortable at these functions. He said he doesn't look comfortable. Sal said he does at the zoo.
Gary said he was all over social media yesterday and they were saying that the dinner must have gone down a few notches if he was invited. Gary said he wasn't invited though. He said Sirius bought a table and he got to go. Howard said he doesn't look like he belonged there. Sal said he looked like Magilla Gorilla in that suit.
Howard said Gary is a great guy. He said it's the teeth and lips that make him look uncomfortable. King said he knows that people are looking at his lips. Gary said he doesn't think that. He said he can't sit in one place for more than 5 minutes. He said he has to move around.
Howard said Gary does a great job but he'll always be that shlub from NBC who was in the traffic copter. He said that's who he'll always be to him no matter what.
King said that Gary should know who he is internally and he should project that arrogance when he's out. Sal said he's Orangutan and not arrogant.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Beth on Steve Harvey's show last week and she didn't mention the shelter. Howard said the shelter is doing great and Billy Joel is donating a lot of money to that. He said Rachel Ray is doing the same with proceeds from some food she's selling. Howard said they may have edited out anything she said about the shelter. He said that she said that the show is heavily edited. Howard said he wondered why she did the Steve Harvey show though. He said he's a nice guy but he doesn't get it.
Howard said that he wonders how many takes they did for that scene. Eric said they didn't have to do the takes for the lines. He said it was about the lighting and positioning of cameras. He said that he and Dan did their lines perfectly. Howard said just imagine that some guy wrote this and the whole thing was obliterated. He said that Eric is saying that they knew that the lines would not get any better. Howard said it's the greatest appearance yet. He said that Eric has no idea how bad that scene is. Robin asked if he has seen it. Eric said he has. Eric said he did just fine.
Howard said that he wants to talk to Eric more about this but he has two guests coming in today. He told him to call back later. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that they have such a busy show today. He said Louis C.K. is there. Howard asked if he lost weight. Louis said he did. He said he's less fat now. Howard said it's almost cool to look good but then he's going to think about how he looks and it'll become a thing. Robin asked why he did this. Louis said it's all about health. He said how he looks is meaningless to him.
Howard asked if it's part of divorce. He said that he has been saying that divorce is wonderful. Howard said that he's out there single and he might want to be healthy for that. Louis said that it's about how marriage makes you let yourself go.
Howard said one of the greatest raps he does is about women dating men and how dangerous men are to women. He said that they'd be better off dating a shark. Howard said men are beating, raping or divorcing women. Louis said that as soon as a man is with a woman something horrible could happen. He said that it's just the man holding it together. He said women are taking their lives into their own hand when they agree to go out with a guy. He said they're the bravest people alive. Louis said it's not hard to be brave when you have the upper hand like men do. Howard said it's almost suicidal. Robin said it's like people who take in giant dogs.
Howard asked if Louis did that in his last stand up. Louis said he did. He thanked Howard for the compliments on that. Howard asked how he comes up with that stuff. Louis said that he comes up with ideas and long bits are grown around that. He said it grows and grows from that.
Howard asked if he had this idea of men being predators of women. Louis said he did. He said he was trying to puzzle out why women go out with guys. He said he thinks it came up on stage. Howard said he finds it amazing that he does that on stage. Louis said that on stage is like a cooker chamber for him. He said he can't just sit down in an empty room and come up with shit. He said that when you have an audience looking at you then you think about it. Howard said he's relaxed when he's on radio but he can't imagine being in a club where people expect a laugh every 20 seconds. Louis said they can go fuck themselves over that. He said he's actually relaxed up there. He said he loves comics who get comics every 20 seconds. He said Zach Galifianakis is like that. He said Steven Wright is still doing it too. He said he's blown away with guys who have 500 jokes in an hour. Louis said his stuff his more like chunks of stories.
Howard said Louis also talks about how the word ''amazing'' is over used. Louis said his daughter is into words and she hates how many people use awesome and ''epic'' too much. Howard said those words are over used. He said what do you say when Jesus Christ comes back. Louis said you've already used it for an order of wings.
Howard said Louis also talks about people using cell phones too much. He said it's ruining everyone's experience. Howard said people are afraid to be along. Louis said he misses them too. He said they're more alone now. He said he misses humanity because no one is looking out and up. He said they're all looking down. He said they're cutting themselves off with this connection they have. Howard said your whole awareness is cut off. He said one of his daughters thinks that there is more awareness.
Howard said in a recent Louis episode he was exploring the opportunity to replace David Letterman. Louis said he wanted something that was like Rocky. He said he wanted to reach out for something big and not get it. He said that's what he did with those three episodes. Howard said every comic on the road and off the road wants that talk show. Louis said he would never want that. Howard said stand up comics hate being stand up comics. Howard said even Jay Leno had to get that job. Howard said there must be an insecurity there. Louis said he was staying in a condo once and they do that in certain cities when you work for a club. He said he said he could never come back to that place because he thought he was going to die there. He said that the condos are never clean and they leave porn in the room for them. He said it's just gross.
Howard said the job becomes really horrible at some point. Louis said that he and Nick DiPaolo were talking about what they do all day long and how you go to the club at 8pm and realize that you speak your first words at 8pm.
Howard said he was doing AGT and he was in a hotel in San Antonio. He said it was horrible.. He said he can't imagine doing that every day of his life. Louis said that you love it if you love being on stage. Howard said if you have the talk show then you get to stay home and do the show at the same place. Louis said the last two guys who got late night gigs weren't even stand ups.
Howard said that Jay Leno did Louis' show and he got made fun of in the show. He said he's surprised that he did it. Louis said he had written something different for him. He said that Jay was the one who changed it. He said he was the one wrote what he said and it was very honest. Howard said he applauds Jay for doing that. He said that he thought Jay would be sensitive to that but he did it. Louis said he thought that he did a great job on the show.
Howard asked if he feels funny asking someone to do his show. Louis said not when they are going to do something creative. He said that he loves calling people to do those things. He said he thought that the Jay Leno thing was great.
Howard asked if he calls people himself. Louis said he does. Howard said he could never do that himself. Howard said he doesn't want to go do a show himself. He said he would feel funny saying no to him. Louis said that he always gives them an out and says that he can go 100 other ways. Howard said that would be even worse for him. Howard said he doesn't want to be on any shows. Louis said he doesn't ether.
Howard said FX gave Louis 18 months off so they're really great to him. He said he had free time to ruminate. Louis said it was starting to be a grind. He said he could feel it was going to be a bad year. He said he didn't take much time off. He said he spent most of the time writing.
Howard asked if he is making money now. Louis said he's making more than the lineage on either side of his family. He said that the first show they only gave him $250,000 to produce. He said that they still do things where they have no idea what the shows are about until they're completely finished. Howard said he does what he wants to with the show. He asked if he still gets dressed in his car. Louis said he does. He said they have changing areas but they're in the holding areas of churches and places like that.
Howard said he could get a dressing room for people. Louis said it's a very small group. He said they don't take up a whole block with their trucks and stuff. Howard said he's the guy who takes such pride in being a shlub. Howard said Chris Rock even said that he hasn't changed but he's gotten successful. Louis said he's not a star but he got famous. He said he took a long time to do it. He said he doesn't like the celebrity part. He said he feels uncomfortable on the street when someone says something to him. He said he's sure they think he thinks he's better than them but he's not. He said he's just like them and he doesn't want to be treated differently. He said he wishes he could take a karate class but it would be hard to do that now. Howard said that's kind of a neurosis that he has. Louis said he thinks you have to stay out on the streets and get used to it. He said a lot of it is in his head too though.
Howard said he would just go do the Karate class. He said he used to do that with his daughter. Louis said he does take his kids out and do stuff. He said he has people come up to him and he tries to get them to leave him alone. He said that he likes interacting with people. He said he loves going to school because he's just a parent there.
Howard said Louis has come out against these standardized tests that they're doing in New York. Louis said that the tests have become disproportionate. He said that's all they concentrate on in the classes now. He said that the teachers are being pressured into getting good scores.
Howard said ''Louie'' is back starting tonight on FX. Howard said Ricky Gervais has said that he had to be nude in a scene. Howard said Ricky claims that he saw his dick. Louis said he didn't see it. He said that he had a dick sock on. Howard said that Ricky said that he has skin like and under cooked chicken. Howard said that guy is a funny fucking guy. He said he seems very funny. Louis said he is very funny. Howard asked if it bothers him when he says that he's smelly and looks like a chicken. Louis said it doesn't bother him at all. He said he has good uncooked chicken skin. Louis said that he doesn't trade on his looks so he doesn't care. Howard asked why he would lie about seeing his dick. Louis said it's funny.
Howard asked what he wears on his dick to cover it up. Louis said it's a felt thing that covers up that area. He said he was doing a scene where he was supposed to be naked. Howard asked if he thinks about working out to make his ass look better. Louis said he thinks about it but never does it. He said in the final episode of the season he's naked and he has to fold his body into a tub. He said that he has ripples in his body that make it look really bad.
Howard said Lena Dunham has been getting naked on her show and it's a great joke in a sense. He said it's compelling and provocative. He said it's an easy laugh. Louis said that it's not about turning people on. He said it's a vulnerable thing to be naked. He said he would never show his body to show it off. He said he knows what he looks like. He said he knows that his body isn't good.
Howard asked Louis about these people who are calling their kids assholes in public. Louis said he did that when his daughter was 6 months old. He said a baby crying and not letting you fuck your wife is an asshole. He said now his kids are grown people and the best he knows. Howard said the line is great and everyone has thought that. Howard said it makes some people think it's okay to do that to their kids though.
Howard asked if he has ever let his dog eat cottage cheese off his balls. Louis said he did that when he was a kid. Howard said he wants to hear how he did that. Howard said he looks back on his career and thinks about the things he's revealed. He said Louis must do that too. Louis said the problem is that they record this stuff and it sticks with you like the past is the present.
Louis said he wouldn't choose to talk about that cottage cheese thing now. Howard asked him to talk about it. Howard asked if he had any fear of the dog biting his balls. Louis said this is horrible. He said he should have said he was kidding. Louis said the dog was a good dog. He said he was going through puberty at 12 or so. He said he was home alone a lot and he got up to all kinds of shit with his penis. He said he would heat up chicken cutlets and make a vagina out of them. He said he did fucked up things. He said he fucked some melons and things like that. Howard said he knows a guy who had a fuck pillow. Louis said he had a thing with the refrigerator. He said that he used to like pressing his dick in the refrigerator door where the magnet touches the door. He said he'll try anything. Howard said some kid figured out how to put his dick into the central vac and got his dick cut off. Howard said you'd think more of that would happen. Louis said it's all about natural selection.
Howard asked Louis about the cottage cheese thing. Louis said it was probably on his dick and not his balls. Howard asked if he came. Louis said no. He said the dog was a boy dog so it may have been a gay thing. He said that once you're a dog it's not really gay. He said the dog had a very expressive face. He said he remembers the moment where he put this shit on his dick. He was laughing so hard that he couldn't tell the story. Louis said he's not crying, he's just laughing. He said this is a disaster. Howard asked if he's ever talked about this with a shrink. Louis said he hasn't. Everyone was cracking up over the story. Louis said that the dog looked up at him with the eyes that were like ''Really dude?''
Howard said this is a trauma. He said it did happen though. Louis said he thinks he has made up for that. He said he's a good dad. Howard said that the first movie he made was about a guy fucking ice cream. Louis said that there is a connection there. He said it's a pretty direct connection. He said he knows a lot of people have these things they do at home. He said you can put on the nice clothes and go out and do your thing but the person you really are is the worst version. He said that's the real you.
Howard said he saw some big CEOs being interviewed and he was thinking to himself about what they do at home. Louis said they strip down and stick a finger up their ass or something. Howard said that's what scares him. Louis said that the high profile guys are doing weird stuff all the time. He said that they have to love themselves though.
Howard said that they talked about how Louis didn't get the job in Blue Jasmine. He said he read that he cried on the way home. Louis said that's not true at all. Louis said he went and met Woody Allen and he told him he thought he was great. He said he just wanted to hear if he was right for this guy. He said he wasn't seeing if he was a good actor or anything. He said he went in this room and prepared for the part and he cried because he got to meet this guy. He said he met Woody and that's probably the only time he'll ever get to talk to the guy. He said Woody was kind to him and he gave him this shot. He said he wasn't crying on his way home.
Howard said he was in the movie anyway. Louis said he was happy he got the part he got. He said Dice was great in the part he had.
Howard said he read that he didn't show up for an audition a bunch of times. Louis said he hates going to a lot and walking to the building and all of that. He said those times he didn't go to the audition he just felt he didn't need it. He said he got the part anyway. Louis said that he blew off a couple of appointments they gave him. He said they asked him to put himself on tape and he didn't do that either. Then they gave him the part anyway. He said that it works for some people if you don't go and audition and have them see that you don't work for the part.
Howard read that he tried to get a date with Gwyneth Paltrow. Louis said that was like 20 years ago. He was a writer on Conan's show and they had a Christmas party for Conan. He said that Gwyneth was invited and he just said he wanted to marry her. Howard asked if he just walked up to her and asked her. Louis said that they had a funny conversation and they were hitting it off. He said she was pretty and she wasn't vomiting. He said he jokingly said they should get married. He said he didn't have a good pick up line. He said they were just joking back and forth and he started yelling into a microphone and remembers her seeing him and looking at him like he was a jerk. He said he probably blew it. He also said that he thinks that calling her break up with Chris Martin a ''conscious uncoupling'' was so bad. He said it seems like a good way to go.
Howard asked Louis about the yacht he owns. Louis said it's just a boat. Howard said it's a yacht. Louis admitted it is. He said he took his kids to Martha's Vineyard last year on it. He said that he captains the boat himself. Howard asked if he has free time to do that. Louis said he had some time off. He said that he cares for his kids full time when they're with him. He said he had to get good at managing time. He said when he has time off he uses it aggressively. He said you have to be willing to get into some shit. He said he gets on the boat and goes into the harbor and sees what happens. Howard said he has fucked up too. Louis said he's had a bunch of bad things happen. He said it's great to learn it though. He said he loves learning. Louis said that's his favorite thing ever. He said you have to be willing to suck to get better at something.
Howard asked how long he's been doing it. Louis said it's been a few years now. He said he has been up the harbor and up to Albany and all of that. He said he knows what he's doing out there now. He said it's all in his brain now. He said it took 2 or 3 years to do it but it's in there.
Howard said he hates being on a boat more than anything. He said he hates the wind in his face and all of that. Howard asked if he fishes. Louis said he doesn't. He said he doesn't sail either. He said this is a diesel boat.
Howard asked if he likes going to 3D films stoned. Louis said that he does that once in awhile. He said he's a straight person. He said he doesn't even drink. He said he will smoke pot like once every 3 months. He said it's amazing to do that once in awhile.
Howard asked if he wears a sailors outfit on the boat. Louis said he wears cut off shorts and a hat but not a captain's hat.
Howard gave Louis some plugs for his show ''Louie'' that's on tonight on FX. Louis said they're doing two episodes back to back. He said after the first two weeks they go into a continuous story that lasts for 10 episodes.
Howard asked if he has won an Emmy. Louis said he has. He said he won for writing. He said he goes to the Emmys and he goes in the back door. He said he doesn't want to be interviewed in the sun while wearing a black suit. He said it's not helping the show at all. Howard asked what he does with the awards. He said he has them on display in his house. Louis said he appreciates them a lot.
Howard said Seth Rogen is there. He said he has to get to him. Louis said he loves Seth. Howard gave him some more plugs and said the interview was great. He said the dog thing still isn't clear though. Louis said he lost control there for a minute with that. Howard asked if he's talking about who he's dating yet. Louis said he loves her very much but he's not talking about who she is. Howard asked if this is a human or a dog. Louis said that either way he's not telling. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Seth Rogen is there. Howard said it's a big morning. He said he has to take a look at Seth. Howard said Louis is a tough act to follow. Seth said he knows Louis a bit. He said he talked to him for a few minutes out there in the hall. He said he loves his stand up. He said he was great in Pootie Tang. He said that he directed it too. Howard said he's not sure if he ever saw that movie. Howard said you might have to be high to watch that. Seth said it makes him laugh when he sees it.
Howard asked Seth if he has ever done anything like Louis did with the dog. Seth said that story made him question some of the things he's done with his life. He said he'd be afraid the dog would bite his dick. He said that he remembers rubbing his dick on dresses and things like that but he never penetrated anything. He said it sounds like Louis was borderline psychotic with the warming of the chicken cutlets. Howard said he even talked about rubbing the seal on the refrigerator door. He said he's not sure what he was doing there. Seth said it replicates a cold, dead vagina. He said that's so weird.
Seth said he has a friend who told him a story about jerking off and cumming in his hand and feeding it to his dog. He said the dog licked it off his hand. He said that his friend became sickly fascinated by that. Howard said he's going to throw up from that story. Seth said it is really gross. Howard said he hasn't done a lot of gross stuff. Seth said he's thought about it but he hasn't done it. Howard said he just couldn't do anything like that dog thing. Howard asked how that comes up. Seth said he thinks they were just telling embarrassing jerk off stories. He said that guy brought it to 11. He said that's not at all where they wanted that conversation to go.
Howard asked Seth if he did stand up that much. He knew he did it as a kid. Seth said he did it in ''Funny People'' so Judd had them do it for real in preparation. He said that they did it one night and then Louis C.K. came up and did his act and blew them away. He said that he came up to them later and asked if they were really doing that for a movie. He said he wished them luck after seeing that.
Howard said Seth has a writing partner and he has a production company. He read that he has a bunch of shows in development. He said he met his writing partner at a bar Mitzvah. Howard said you'd think that it wouldn't work out. He said it's really weird. Seth said it's weird and it's not lost on him that they have a very healthy working relationship. He said he has seen a lot that evaporate. He said that they don't last all that long usually. Howard asked if he's ever thought that maybe there are better people to work with. Seth said he has never thought that. He said that they work very well together.
Howard asked if they ever fight. Seth said they rarely do. He said that they do have arguments at times. Howard said it must be great having someone to bounce ideas off of. Seth said he would be really nervous doing it alone. Howard said he has said that it's almost impossible to write a movie that's PG-13. He said that it has to be R. Seth said he can't do that. He said that he's all about the dog licking cheese off a dick.
Howard asked if it's hard to get financing for an R rated movie. Seth said it's gotten easier in the last 7 or 8 years.
Howard asked about this Sausage Party movie he's working on. Seth said it's like an R-rated movie that's like Toy Story. He told Howard that it's dirty and filthy but it looks like a Pixar movie. Howard said it costs a fortune to make those movies. Seth said they are actually in production in the movie. Howard said that it costs a fortune to make a Pixar movie. Seth said that you can avoid a lot of the costs of making those things now. He said they're making theirs for under 20 million and it will look like a Pixar movie. Howard said that should be interesting because no one has done this yet. Seth said that they needed someone with money to help out. He said this woman Megan Ellison has given a lot of money to movies like Zero Dark Thirty. He said that no one else was going to make the movie but this woman got behind them. Seth said they have Jonah Hill, James Franco, Salma Hayak and a bunch of other big names doing it. Howard asked why they have to get famous people to do the voices. Seth said that they're famous because they're funny so that's why they get them to do it. Howard asked if they have people who do their parts in a day. Seth said some of them did it in under 3 hours. He said it's one of the funniest things they've done and it's just fucking crazy and nuts. Seth said they could have their own Pixar eventually. He said they'd call it Dixar.
Howard asked what there is in the movie that makes it R-rated. Seth said there is sex and violence in it. He said there is a food orgy in the movie that's one of the most filthy things he's ever seen in a movie. Howard said you must have to think about what foods are fucking other foods. Seth said they explore inter food sexuality in the movie.
Howard asked how long it takes to write something like that. Seth said it takes years. He said they work on it for years constantly and it just evolves. Howard asked if he goes to people and asks them what they think about the scenes. Seth said they go to Sacha Baron Cohen and people like that. He said they read each others' stuff almost more than anybody.
Howard asked if he ever gets afraid that he has to be more conservative. Seth said it's the opposite if anything. He said that with the Green Hornet it wasn't that fun. He said that it was so expensive and they had people given notes and changing things.
Howard asked if he knew that Green Hornet was a piece of shit when he came in to promote it. Seth said he didn't think it was shit. He said it wasn't the best he was capable of. Howard said they can't all be hits. Seth said that it didn't ultimately turn into what they wanted. Howard asked if he was miserable making that movie. Seth said at times he was. He said that they had so many people condemning it before it was even made. He said it was a fucking bummer. He said they had to get to work on the worst unwritten movie of all time and it was a bummer.
Seth said that the most frustrating thing is that you think of funny shit and you can't do it. He said you think about something really funny and it's too fucked up. He said when you're doing a PG-13 movie you just cant do it.
Howard said people ask him if he misses terrestrial radio and he asks if they're nuts. He said he gets to do things there that he could never do on terrestrial. Howard said that's what it must be like for Seth doing R rated movies.
Howard said Seth is so honest about smoking weed. Howard said that there are many others who smoke even more but don't admit it. Howard said Seth is the weed guy and he makes weed movies. Howard asked if it ever gets annoying to him that he's the ''weed guy.'' Seth said he's surprised that it's still a big deal to people. He said that Jimmy Kimmel has talked about smoking weed in articles and some people weren't too happy about him talking about it. He said everyone is fascinated by it though. Seth said that he thinks it must be like what people felt like during prohibition.
Howard asked why he's becoming the weed guy. Seth said that he made a couple of weed movies and the most successful one of all time. He said that could have something to do with it. Howard asked if he avoids doing big budget films now. Seth said he does. He said that he likes having control over his movies. Howard asked if he has turned down any big budget films. Seth said that there have been some things they've been approached over. He said that they have turned them down. Seth said they don't have second thoughts on them. Seth said they made Green Hornet and it taught them so much about that world. He said they were able to bounce back from it because they were at the right point in their careers.
Howard said he read that he had to fire his manger when he was 18. Seth said that it was scary and the dude was kind of scary. He said he did it in a stupid way. Howard asked where he was in his career. Seth said he was in Freaks and Geeks and he was ramping up to do Undeclared after that. Howard asked why he had to get rid of his manger. Seth said he was weird and he didn't like him very much. He said he represented a lot of stand up comics and he was getting away from that. He said he didn't want the guy representing him. Seth said he brought him out to dinner and told him he didn't think it was working out anymore. He said it went as poorly as you can imagine. He said he stood up screaming and yelling and stormed out of the restaurant. He said he was very upset. He said it was a good lesson for him though.
Howard asked what the tape is that's floating around on the internet. Seth said it was an audition he did for Freaks and Geeks at the age of 16. Howard said he was amazing in it. He said that he was very relaxed.
Howard said Seth is there to promote the movie ''Neighbors'' and he has some sex scenes in the movie. Seth said his wife is played by Rose Byrne. He said that they can be kind of awkward to film. Howard said that he must fall in love on set. Seth said you do fall into it at times but it's not a problem. He said his wife is fine with these kind of love scenes because they're funny. He said that he does ask his wife not to come down on those days that they film the sex scenes. He said you don't see his dick but you do see a lot of the rest of him. Howard asked if he got boned up. Seth said you don't get boned up. Howard said he did in his movie. Howard said he was boned up just about every day.
Howard asked Seth about the movie and how the neighbors are a frat house. Seth said that they're trying to have a baby and they're a party couple. He said then a Frat house moves in next to them. Howard said they hate the Frat house next door. Howard said Zac Efron is the head of the frat and Seth got to see the base of his cock. Seth said that you have a tube to use in the scene. He said that Zac kept pulling his pants down more than he should have and he saw a good half inch of the base of his cock. He said he had a ''girthy root.'' Howard said that makes him a angry. He said he's not only good looking but he has a girthy dick. Howard said he must hate that. Seth said the guy is ridiculous. He said he did want to hate him but he really didn't. He said a lot of those guys suck but not Zac. He said there are some of them out there that you do get to hate and it works out. He said Zac was very self deprecating and self aware so it was hard to hate him.
Howard asked if he has a girthy root. Seth said he's got a good one. Howard said he saw the paintings that James Franco did of him and he was pretty big. Seth said he thinks that he has a vast array of sizes. He said that there are times that it's good and there are times that he is small. He said he feels that his root shifts sizes. He said whenever he does magic mushrooms his dick will shrink to a depressing size. Howard said that he has done acid and he thinks that his shrunk then. Seth said that stuff does shrink your dick.
Howard asked when the movie comes out. Seth said it comes out on the 9th. Howard said that Spider-Man is coming out soon too. Seth said that The Man of Steel came out around the time of his last movie. He said he thinks that coming out the second weekend of a big movie like that is manageable.
Howard asked about this scene that they cut out of the movie. Seth said they had to come up with a way to catch the house on fire. He said they had guys fighting with bottle rockets stuck in the asses of the pledges. He said they actually shot the scene but they cut it from the movie. He said it was maybe a night and a half that they spent shooting that. He said they had to have fake asses built to shoot the rockets out of. He said they had about 10 stunt guys and a bunch of stunt asses that they shot rockets out of. Howard asked why they cut it out of the film. Seth said it was for time mostly. Howard said that you wait for a scene like that in a movie though. Seth said that it's for the pace of the movie. Howard said this is how wars should really be fought. He said fraternities are the dumbest things out there.
,Howard asked if Zac is getting fucked all the time. Seth said he imagines he is. He said if he has any free time he imagines he's fucking a chick. Seth said he says in the movie that he looks like something a gay guy designed in a lab.
Howard asked why he was tweeting about Justin Bieber. Seth said he has met him a few times. He said that he's one of those guys you think you're going to hate and you do once you meet him. He said he lives up to every one of your expectations of how he'll be. Seth said he met him on a German talk show for the first time. He said he was back stage there and someone said Justin wanted to meet him. He said that was around the time that Bieber Fever was starting to spread. He said he went out to meet him and the kid was acting like he wanted to meet him and not the other way around. Seth said that was fine and he just let it go. He said then he met him like 2 years later at an MTV Awards show. He said he had a snake wrapped around him. He said he just thought about how he didn't like the kid and fuck him. He said he met Zac and he knew that he'd hate him just based on his career. He said Justin had no sense of that at all. He said the guy is a piece of shit. Seth said that Justin started getting into trouble and he just tweeted out that he's a piece of shit. He said that it had been retweeted like 200,000 times. He said he figured he had tapped into something there.
Howard asked if hears back from Bieber after that. Seth said he's pretty sure no one tells him that people call him a piece of shit. He said he may not be in tune with what's going on around him. Howard said he must have been upset about him egging someone's house. Seth said that there are people who can't work there in the States because of some little thing they did wrong. He said this guy carries on like a piece of shit and they don't do anything about it. He said that's what sucks.
Howard said that Seth is promoting ''Neighbors'' and he doesn't like his own neighbor. Seth said the guy has been building his house for the last 2 years and they're not getting anywhere. He said it's like one guy is building it. He said he just wants some communication from the guy and he doesn't get any. He said he gets woken up at 7:30 in the morning every day by construction workers. He said it's been a fucking nightmare. Seth said that he tracked the guy's cell phone down and tried calling but now he avoids his calls. Howard said maybe he should shoot bottle rockets out of his ass at him.
Howard said he read that he used to shove McDonald's cheeseburgers in someone's mailbox. Seth said that they would shove them in the mail slot in the guy's house. Howard said it's something else what he's up to. He said he's making movies and shooting bottle rockets out of people's asses. Howard said it's cool that they do scenes like that and they never make it into the movie. Seth said there is always one that doesn't make it. Howard said they should put that in the director's cut. Seth said that it will be on the DVD.
Howard thanked Seth for coming in started to wrap up. He asked if he's working with James Franco on some movie now. Seth said that they're editing it now. He said James plays a talk show host and they end up getting asked to assassinate Kim Jon Un when they find out that he's a fan of theirs and they go to North Korea to meet the guy. He said it's a wild movie and he's surprised they got to make it.
Howard asked Seth about where he works now. Seth said that he works out of an office at the Sony studios. He said they work in the same area that Judy Garland used to work. He said that Adam Sandler works there too. He said they have some fun over there. He said they all own Nerf guns and tons of bullets to shoot each other with. He said that they go there every day and work all day and have fun there. Howard said he should come over there to hang out. Seth said some people come over and take a hit off a bong and they can't leave for 6 hours. Howard said it sounds like a lot of fun over there. Howard said he was out in L.A. recently but it was a nightmare. He said he had to work the whole time. Seth asked if he likes his co-workers on that show. Howard said he does. He said Howie is great. He said he's really warped with his sense of humor.
Howard brought up the speech he made in front of Congress. Seth said everyone walked out before he even started. He said that got him a lot more attention though. He said it probably helped. Howard asked how many guys were there. Seth said there were like 2 congressmen but a ton of regular people in there. He said the politicians really don't care. He said his speech was 6 minutes long and he didn't cut it down at all. He said he took his time with it. Howard said he must be dejected after that. Seth said he didn't expect it to get much attention. He said it got a lot of views on the web. He said it's like the second most viewed C-Span video of all time. He said he thinks that people were pissed off that the politicians don't listen.
Howard asked who has Alzheimers in his family. Seth said that it's his mother in law. He said she's only in her 60s and it's completely debilitated her. He said they know nothing about how it comes about and there is zero treatment for it. He said there is nothing to prevent it at all. He said they think it's genetic. Howard asked how they knew she had it. Seth said she just started forgetting everything. He said now she can't even walk because it's so bad. Howard asked if his wife is worried about getting it. Seth said it's one of those things you have to worry about. Robin asked if they're going to have kids. Seth said they're still thinking about that. Howard wrapped up and said it's good to hear that Zac Efron isn't a dick. He said it's nice to hear he has ''girthy root'' too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said he would love a headline like that. He said Ben has learned a technique where the odds become in your favor. Howard said they say he's won as much as $800,000. Robin said they say he gives all of the money away to.
Howard said this is why you should never go anywhere and gamble. He said they don't want you to win. He said if you do get good at it then they'll stop you. He said that he's not doing anything illegal. He said that losers only need apply. Howard said you should be allowed to figure out a technique. Robin said that they now say that he has not been banned. Robin said she just got the story and they say that they were saying that they were just too good at Blackjack and they were asked to leave. Robin said they say that he's a valued guest and he has not been banned. Howard said he's welcome back at any time other than to play blackjack.
Robin said this is because he loses at poker. Howard said all he knows is that the guy can play any game but blackjack. Robin said she thinks that they're going to let him play because he loses at poker.
Howard said he just read about their old station K-Rock that's now called NOW. Howard said that he felt weird about it. He said they don't play rock music and they play pop or something. Howard said they have a new program director there and it was sort of weird that their whole legacy is gone. Howard said the whole thing just exploded. He said it kind of bums him out a little bit. Robin said it's not even in the same place they broadcast out of. Howard said he was reading about this guy Rick Thomas being named PD over there. He read through that for Robin. Howard said he has no idea who any of these people are. He said it's just weird that the whole thing is gone now. He said he got sentimental for a minute there.
Howard said the rumor is that Oprah may buy the Clippers. Robin said she did read that. Howard wondered if the players will have to have a personal journey of growth. He said he imagines Oprah having them read books for her.
Howard said he read that there were people in Boston yelling racial slurs at a black hockey player up there. He sad that was upsetting. He said he can't imagine that there's anything like that going on in the world. He was joking of course.
Howard said they will learn more about V. Stiviano tomorrow. He replayed some of what he played earlier this morning and pointed out how dopey she sounds.
Howard asked JD if he had a clip of her saying she doesn't fuck the guy. JD came in and said he didn't have that. Howard said JD is his right hand arm man.
Howard took a call from a woman who wasn't on the line. He hung up and said that Lisa Lampanelli is getting a divorce. Robin asked what happened there. Howard said she must have realized she didn't want a guy with big balls but a guy with a big cock. Robin said she saw Lisa somewhere with Jimmy. Howard said that Jimmy was at the birthday bash because he's friends with one of the guitar players. Robin said she thought that one would last. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. He said she was fat and got the guy and then got skinny and lost him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he left a crystal ball there for him and Beth. Howard said he never saw that. Gary said they did show it to Howard and Howard didn't want it. Howard said it must have been garbage. Gary said this is the kid who was too young to come to the party so he sat in. Gary said he gave them a whole bag of stuff and Howard was creeped out by it. Howard said he thinks they donated it to charity. Howard said he's sure that Richard or Sal took it and did something with it.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if Fred and Gary eat pussy. Fred answered in his King of All Blacks voice and said he does. Howard said just imagine Fred and Gary doing that. Gary said that the lips and teeth help. He said it's like having a big dick. Fred said he'd be nervous with those big teeth. He said he'd imagine women would be the same as guys who don't like teeth. Howard said it's like a dog biting you.
Gary asked if King does it. King said he did it like 2 nights ago. He said the cream was extra thick so he knew she was really into it. Howard said ''Ew'' and was ready to hang up. Gary said the pets look at him more than his wife does at times. Howard said they used to have that with Bianca. He said she eventually got used to it and would just lay there. Howard let King go and did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a Brazilian soccer game where fans ripped 3 toilets out of one of the restrooms and then hurled them down the steps. They killed a fan with one of the toilets. Robin said the fan was 26 and they think he died instantly.
Robin read a story about some women at a circus who were injured when this human chandelier crashed to the ground. Howard said that they get those kind of acts at AGT. He said he can't imagine who would want to do that. Robin said the acrobats fell about 25 feet. She said they're going to try and figure out what happened.
Robin read about a deadly crash at an air show. Robin said a plane crashed at the air show in California. Robin said the pilot crashed into the tarmac. Robin had some audio of a witness talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever pulled any pranks on his family. Howard said he was never really into that stuff. He said he always felt bad for people who were pranked. He said he hated it when people damaged other people's property. He said his dad had to repaint his house when it got egged. The caller asked who he thinks is a dick right now. Howard said he can't think of anyone. Gary said that Sharon Stone was a dick to him. Howard said he never would have done it if he had been told what was going to happen. Gary said Andy Rooney wasn't all that nice. Howard said he wasn't a dick though.
Robin read a story about some guy in a band who died. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a rock star who tried to arrange a hit on his ex-wife. Robin said he pleaded guilty in court and now he has to pay his dues.
Robin read about a guy in the Scorpions who got lost in the Dubai airport and missed his flight. Robin said he wasn't able to get information out of anyone and started screaming about uneducated Muslims. Robin said he got a month in jail there for that.
Robin read a story about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar talking about Donald Sterling. Robin had some audio of him talking about Sterling.
Howard said his favorite story of the morning was about this guy who was against gay marriage who turned out to be a female impersonator. Howard said he is against gay marriage and he doesn't understand that. Howard said this is a guy who has a past.
Howard drew a skull while he was doodling. He said that he wanted to show Steve Brandano. Steve came in and said it was pretty bad ass. Howard told the guys to take a picture and post it for everyone to see.
Robin read some news about the Oscar Pistorius trial and what's going on with that. That led to Howard doing his impression of Oscar saying ''My lady'' and goofing on him for a short time.
Robin read a story about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and how he's gone to rehab. Robin said they had more video and a picture of him with a crack pipe. Robin said they got that picture at Ford's sister's house and the guy who took it was a drug dealer. That led to Howard playing some audio of Sal and Richard interviewing some people on the street about Rob Ford. They had one with a woman who thought that Ford was great for Toronto and she'd vote for him again. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how some Nigerian women were taken from a school and sent to the forests. Robin said that they often go out and get impregnated by the people who take them.
Robin had some audio from the White House Correspondents Dinner. She had some audio of President Obama joking about how FOX will miss him when he's gone. He had some jokes about Healthcare.gov. Robin had some audio of Joel McHale hosting the event.
Robin read about it being Cinco de Mayo today and what that is all about.
Robin read about the horse who won the Kentucky Derby. Robin said that the horse was once considered a long shot. She read about why that was and how it was sired by a horse that cost just $8,000. Robin said the owners think it could win the triple crown. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said he wanted to talk to Gary about Howard having zero interest in what he had to say about going to the White House Correspondents dinner. Gary said he caught him off guard today. He said he just asked who he saw there and didn't ask about how it worked when he got there. He said Howard can make or break a bit like that. He said that he really hurt him when he said he didn't care about any of the names he gave him. Gary said he went there for the show. He said the show sent him there. He said he wanted to go. Jon said that it's something you'd love to be at and you want to come back and give some feedback. Gary said that he was networking there. He said he was talking to guests who have been on and who haven't been on. He said you just want to be seen there. Gary said he probably saw 1/8th of the room. He said you just hope it works out. He said Diane Sawyer would be a good guest and he spoke to her. He said he talked to Matt Lauer and Jeff Zucker. He said that he saw Al Roker and talked to him. He said that you just tell them that you want to have them back and things like that.
Gary said that Matthew Morrison from Glee came looking for him. He said he's a big fan of the show. Gary said Armie Hammer was another one.
Jon asked if the night was long. Gary said people told him it was going to be awful but it wasn't. He said the food wasn't that bad even though people said it would be awful. He said the night moved better than he thought it would.
Gary told Jon about some of the people who came up to him and told him they were fans. He said there was a lot of chaos there too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said this goes a lot of different ways for him. He said he thinks Howard wanted to be there but he's afraid of his own shadow. He said Howard is afraid of being in a room where people are going to make fun of him. Gary said he thinks that Howard would hate it there. He said it would have been him and Beth and that's it. He said that it's implied that you're there to hang out with people. He said a lot of people were taking pictures and that's what you're there for.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary thinks Howard is jealous that he wasn't there. Gary said it wasn't about wanting Howard there. He said you're not asked to attend, you just attend. He said there were a lot of actors there who were sent there by companies that bought tables there. Jon asked the caller if he thinks Howard was treating Gary that way this morning because of jealousy or envy. The caller said he thinks that Howard has a hard time sharing the show with other people. He said he thinks Howard has a hard time with people sharing their experiences on the show. He said he's become uninterested in people around him. He said he's looking forward to hearing more about Gary's experience. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Gary asked if this event requires a week and a weekend. Jon said absolutely. He asked Gary if he's okay with it. Gary said he's fine with it but he's not sure they ended to spend that much time on it.
Jon brought up Seth Rogen and how he gets his stuff out of his system by writing some of these R rated movies while he's making these PG 13 movies. Gary said it sounds like Seth and his friends come up with ideas and then they collaborate through the whole project.
Jon said Seth is known for making those type of films and they're having a good time doing them. He said that's what he wants to do. Gary said he likes when Seth comes in. He said he can come in and hang and you don't have to ask a lot of questions.
Jon asked if he gets why Seth wanted to be mad at Zac Efron. Gary said he does get it. He said there are things that you get mad at for no good reason. He said Justin Timberlake on SNL is one of those things. He said he's really good on the show but he may not be a fan of his music.
Jon said that Seth was talking about how Zac had a good self awareness where Justin Bieber had none of that. Gary said he can imagine that being the case with Bieber. He said he keeps doing dumb stuff over and over again.
Jon said that Seth is known as the weed guy and he's not sure that's fair. Gary said he thinks it's fine. He said he is the funny guy too and not just the weed guy.
Jon brought up Louis C.K. too and that led to Gary talking about how Louis was laughing so hard that he had tears running down his eyes when he was talking about that dog licking incident. Jon said that you know that story is going to be embarrassing and you wonder why it's brought up. Gary said he had a laughing fit on the show once and it was about something really serious and not funny at all. He said he couldn't stop laughing and it was humiliating. He said he can't even talk about it now. He said it's wrong to laugh at it. Gary said this is terrible. He said someone had no muscles in their face and it was so bad they'd punch themselves in the face because they can't feel it. He said it was part of a Queen for a Day contest and he just couldn't stop laughing. He said he just wasn't able to get his composure back even though it was an awful story.
JD came in and said he wanted to talk about the correspondents dinner. JD said he watched the whole thing. He said he watched from about 6 to 11. He said they showed people eating and all of that. He said they didn't even cut away for that part. Gary said he saw the screen shot that JD got. He said he should have called him and told him where to stand to be on camera.
JD said a lot of the coverage is just crowd noise. Jon said that's the best part of the night. He said you can sort of hear conversations that people don't think you can hear. JD said Katie Couric was one of the last people to leave the event. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Gary said he had like 6 percent battery left. He said he asked the security guy how far he had to walk to get a car. He said it was about 3 miles. Gary said he lucked out when a cab showed up. He said that he ended up taking the cab with them and then they got out and he took the cab to an MSNBC party. Gary said he got to his hotel at 1 or so and he saw a text the next morning from the guys he was with saying that the party was great and it was at 3:40 in the morning.
Jon asked if Jon Leiberman ever got to go to the correspondents dinner. Leiberman said he did back in 2003. He said Gary's story is really great though. He said you can walk up to anyone at the party which is the great part about it. Gary said he was told no to go up to De Niro there. He said he's the only one you don't go up to.
Jon asked JD if he would mind everyone coming up to him at a party like that. JD said he thinks he'd be fine. Jason said if he is anything like he is there at work then he wouldn't appear to enjoy it. He said that JD acts like he doesn't want to take pictures with anyone there when they have people come through on tour.
Gary said if you bring a regular person back there JD isn't so welcoming. He said if it's a celebrity he's so much different. JD said he wishes he could fake it but he can't. Jon said that there are females who are fans and that gets a big greeting. Gary said that JD will crane his neck to see who it is. If it's someone famous he'll turn his chair around. JD said he makes an effort. Gary said that he turns his head like it's the maximum effort he can put into it. Jason said it sounds like he's being rude on purpose. JD said he's not. He said he tries to do it every time.
Jason said he couldn't be more opposite of JD. He said he tries to enjoy it with people who show up. Gary said he had Steve Sax back there and all Jason wanted to talk to him about was his appearance on The Simpsons. Jason said that was the first thing that popped into his mind. He said that was the episode where they had a bunch of baseball players. He said it was one of the greatest. Jason said he got bummed because he was taking a picture and he was rushed out of there so fast.
Gary asked how many times they've brought a celebrity back there and they don't know who they are until you google them. Gary said that they had Gabby Giffords husband there once and he had to google him. He said he knew he recognized him but had to look him up.
Jason said that you can see some photos of Gary at the Correspondents dinner on their web site, Twitter and Facebook accounts. The guys spent a minute talking about how hot Lara Spencer was in the pictures with Gary.
Jon had Jon Leiberman run down his list of stories for today's Howard 100 News. One of the stories is about how Captain Janks came out of the closet. Gary said Janks asked him not to say anything when he told him off the air a couple of weeks ago. Leiberman said that Janks is refusing to talk to them but they have a statement from him that he texted. He said that he says he would come on the show to talk to Howard about it but he's not going to do any interviews about it. Jon said he's somewhat skeptical about this if Janks will only come up and talk to Howard about it if he plays some of his prank calls. Jason said they were kind of wondering about Joey Boots when he came out. He said he thinks they should have Janks come up there and mess around with a dude to show if he's really gay. they wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about watching a video on YouTube where Rob Zombie covered ''Enter Sandman.'' He said he doesn't have it but it was just a recording on an iPhone. He said it was good.
Howard said fans of Beavis and Butt-Head will be happy. He said Mike Judge is coming in today. He said he's into other things now. He's there to promote Silicon Valley. He said that he can't get into more shows at this point so he's not watching.
Howard said he was up at 10 last night. He said he watched a little TV. He said he didn't feel like jerking off so he took an Ambien. He said he had to get to sleep. He said he was still up at midnight. Howard said he took it but he feels so shitty the next day. He said he had to do it because he was so desperate. Howard said he wouldn't care if he had a job with 9-5 hours.
Howard said Gary was whining on the Wrap Up Show yesterday about how he didn't care about his stories from the Correspondents dinner. Howard said he had to get to two guests so that's why he rushed him. He said Gary is good off the air telling him stories but he didn't have time to work on them on the air. Howard said some people thought he was jealous of him being there at the dinner. Howard said that's the furthest thing from the truth.
Howard said you could hear Gary laughing at the dinner. He played a clip the guys had from the event where they put in Gary making monkey sounds. Howard said that sounds like Gary to him. Howard said it's probably him. Howard had another clip of Gary talking to the president that they had edited together. Howard said that was Gary ''networking'' with the President. Howard said he's sure Gary never got near the President.
Howard said he never did find out who Gary networked with. He said that someone wrote him and told him that Gary was complaining about how he didn't get to talk much about the dinner but then he said he didn't have that much to say about it anyway. Howard said Gary pulled a reverse Baba Booey.
Howard said Gary did have a story to tell about going to a dinner and having to walk home or something. Howard had Gary come in to tell that story that he told on the Wrap Up Show.
Gary said there is a look Howard gives when he starts to zone. He said he can see him going to a different place. Howard said he had guests there yesterday. He said his story wasn't going anywhere so he had to bail out on the story. He said he wasn't upset with Gary. He was just aggravated.
Howard asked why he got a ton of texts that Captain Janks is gay. Gary said that's true. He said about a month ago Janks told them that he was retiring. He said he thought it was some kind of ploy to get on the air. He said he talked to Janks and he said that he didn't want to talk about it on the air and told him he was gay. Howard asked why he didn't tell him about it. Gary said he wasn't positive about it.
Gary said Janks wants to come on the show and play some calls and talk about being gay. He doesn't want to be humiliated on the show though. Gary said he asked Janks how long he's known he's gay. He said Janks said since middle school. Gary asked why he didn't come out sooner. He said Janks said it was too hard. Howard said he gets that. He said that's the tough thing. He said if anything he's going to get sympathy from him. Gary said Janks told him that saying it made him feel better than he's felt in his life. He said he's not sure he's even done anything about it.
Howard said they have to have a gay dating game or something. Gary said the guys were suspicious about it so they might do like they did with Joey Boots and have a gay porn star come in. He said there was no doubt when Joey made out with that guy on the show.
Howard said he's not sure how successful Janks will be at being gay. He said he's not very tall. He said he may not be that attractive in the gay community. Howard said he's now an old queen. Howard said he looks like a bottom to him. Gary said he doesn't know about that. Robin said he may not even know.
Gary said Janks said something to him that made him kind of sad. He said Janks said maybe he can find happiness in the life he has left. Howard said he should have been enjoying his life. Howard said that could be why he hasn't been happy. He said there is no shame in that. He said he still has military status there. He said he is his captain. Robin said they do allow gays in the military now.
Howard said he is a supporter of gay rights. Robin said she never would have guessed that he was gay. Gary said he isn't shocked by anything anymore.
Howard asked what Bobo had for him. Bobo asked a question about David Letterman and Paul Shaffer being friends. Howard said he loves Bobo. He said he has questions that he saves up for him and he knows that he has no idea what their friendship is like. Howard said it can only be a complete guess on what Dave and Paul do.
Robin said Bobo had a whole thing written out for that. Bobo re-read it for Howard. Bobo added to the question and asked if he thinks Dave will stick with his crew. Howard said Dave is going to meet with his crew every day. Bobo said he thought Dave had been to Howard's house but Howard said he never has.
Gary asked what other questions Bobo has for Howard. Bobo said he wanted to say how great Billy Joel was on the Town Hall. He said you hear something new every time you hear it. Howard cut him off as he was rambling about Billy. Howard said he loves the guy but his questions are hysterical.
Gary said there's a movie called Big Fan and in the movie the guy has things written down in a notebook. He said he thinks that Bobo is the same way. Howard said it could be way heavier than they know. He said he could be like De Niro in King of Comedy. Gary said he thinks there's a lot going into it.
Howard said Hanzi has been calling in a lot lately. He said he hasn't been able to pick up on him. He said that he doesn't have time to talk about Hanzi will freak out on him if he hangs up. He said Hanzi wonders why he has to hang up on him and he just doesn't have time for him.
Hanzi said he called in to ask a 2 minute question for a celebrity and he doesn't pick up. Howard said he doesn't always pick up during those interviews. He said it has nothing to do with Hanzi though. Hanzi said it does too. Howard said Hanzi still doesn't know to turn off his fucking radio. Hanzi said he does turn it off. Howard said he can hear it. Hanzi said it's like 5 minutes behind. Howard said Hanzi is a liar. Hanzi asked if Howard is a liar. Howard said he's not. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi asked him to let him get to his topic.
Howard said Hanzi lives in his parents basement and he thinks the world revolves around him. Howard said he really has to go. Hanzi was freaking out and telling him not to let him go.
Hanzi was wondering about getting into a movie with Seth Rogen. Howard said there's no way that's ever going to happen. He said he really has to go. Hanzi asked why he has compassion for Janks but not for him. Howard said he has compassion for him. He said he takes his calls. Hanzi said that he's not the only one. He said some wrestling show takes his calls but Howard tried to fuck him over with that. Howard said he really has to go. Hanzi told him to hold on. Howard wondered who would have thought he'd be into wrestling so much.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's so pissed at Bobo. She said she knows Janks is gay. She said he confided in her 2 weeks ago. Howard asked if he came out to her personally. Mariann said he did. Mariann said that he told her not to tell anyone else. She said that she kept it a secret. Mariann said she spoke to him for an hour about that. Howard said you don't think of Janks as being gay.
Howard let Mariann go and said that he got a lot of texts about Louis C.K. letting the dog lick cottage cheese off his cock. Howard said he found it odd that he was eating cottage cheese at that age. Howard said that he used to give Bianca cottage cheese and she loved it. He said all he had to say was ''piece of cheese'' and she'd come running.
Robin said they didn't get into detail about how much cheese there was. Gary said they had a compilation of stories on Sternthology and they had the Colin Quinn cat licking story on there.
Howard said he'd love it if Joey Boots and Captain Janks hooked up. He said they'd be a power couple. Howard said they had Fred and his lovely wife hook up on the show. He said Janks and Joey would be something else. He said it would be very nice if they did hook up.
Howard asked why he can't get on a list. Gary said he didn't know about the party. He said he heard it's tough to get on the list anyway. Gary said he decided to go to another party so he wanted to get a cab. He asked security how far he had to walk. He was told it was about 3 miles. He said they told him to go to the front of the building to find a cab. He said he asked some people if he could take a cab with them and they were annoyed but let him do it. Gary said he ended up taking the cab to the other party.
Howard said it makes him look bad walking around not able to get into a party. He said it's like a high school party or something. Howard asked Gary if he feels better now that he's gotten some stories out. Gary said sure.
Howard said seeing Gary in the dark is scary. Robin said there's light when he smiles. Howard told Gary he should have had this all set up. He said he should have enough clout to get into those parties. Gary said he doesn't. Howard said he shouldn't go then. He said there's no reason to beg to get into the party. Gary said he never even made it that far. Howard said it's shameful. He said it's worse to do that than not go. Howard said people walk by Gary and see him there. He said it's embarrassing that he has to ask to share a cab. Gary said if he knew that's how it was going to go he never would have gone. Howard said it makes them look like losers. Howard said from a PR standpoint it's horrible. He said Gary was walking through the park. Fred said he was one up from a pan handler.
Howard picked up on Hanzi again and asked what he wanted. He said he has no time. Howard said he's trying to be compassionate. He said he has to hang up with a nice goodbye. Howard said he has a guy there who is going to give him an award. Howard said he doesn't live in his parent's basement like Hanzi. Hanzi was going off on him saying he doesn't need another award. Hanzi said he knows Howard wants to exploit him more. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi told him not to hang up on him. He called Howard a fucking piece of shit. Howard told him to fuck off. Howard played a Hanzi song parody and said he sounds like Gary trying to get into a party. Hanzi said ''Bravo, Howard played a song parody.'' Howard played another one. Hanzi told him to turn the fucking music off. Howard let the song play through. Hanzi said if he had any compassion he wouldn't have fucked him all these years.
Howard played another song parody about Hanzi to the tune of Chakka Kahn. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi asked why he's fucking with him. Howard said he called in. Howard played another song parody about Hanzi. Howard said he really does have to go. Hanzi asked why he can't help him out like he helps Eric the Midget out. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi said he knows he says that just to get him worked up. Howard said he could just say he will talk to him next time and just get off the line. Howard told him to take it easy. Hanzi said he wants an acting job. Howard said he has to go. He said he won't let him go. Hanzi said he doesn't give a shit. Howard said he had to hang up on him. He said he has to take a break and get his award after the break.
Howard said this gentleman is there to present him with an award. Howard said this is Barry Berman and he's the founder and president of CRN. Howard asked him to explain what CRN is. Barry said it used to be the Connecticut Radio Network. He said now it's Can't Rename it. He said they do marketing and sales. He said they use radio for marketing.
Howard asked who is on the radio Mt. Rushmore. Barry said they got thousands of entries when they put it out on social media. He said they had to do something about it. Howard asked who is on it. Barry said Marconi is on it. He said they have William S. Paley on it as well. Then there's Paul Harvey. Howard said he was a famous news caster who had a unique delivery. Barry said the final person on it is Howard Stern. Howard said they only have 4 people. Barry said that's true. He said that they have a picture of it. Howard said it would be nice if they actually carved it into something. Barry said they'd like to do that in Howard's yard. Howard told him to get a grip on reality. He said if they want to get it to the next level they should carve it into rock somewhere. Barry said they may have to crowd fund that. Howard said he's getting annoyed with Barry.
Howard asked him to present him with his award. Barry said he doesn't have anything to hand him. He said he had a t-shirt for him and his face on Mt. Rushmore. Robin was laughing at what he had. Howard thanked Barry but said it was one of the worst presentations ever made. Howard said he is honored to be on any list like that though. Howard thanked Barry Berman for the award. He said this is a monumental moment. Howard said you can find out more about CRN at CRNRadio.com
Howard said that was exciting. He said it's not every day that he get an award. Howard said his stories were all long and tedious.
Howard took a call from Jim in Raleigh who asked if there is something on his mind waking him up in the middle of the night. Howard said he gets up to pee and then he starts thinking about what he has to do for the day. He said it's awful. Howard said he gets up and he's up. Jim said he can hear it in his voice. Howard said his psychologist is working with him on it but he's getting nowhere.
Jim asked if he thinks that NBC will hire back Katie Couric while the other chick is out on maternity leave. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said there are rumors that Katie may come back. Howard said he doesn't know if that will happen.
Howard said there were a lot of articles about Seth Rogen saying that Zac Efron had a ''girthy root'' on yesterday's show. Howard said he has a girthy root but it's attached to his nose.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he's making any progress on his speech for Billy Joel. Howard said he will be on stage at the Billy Joel concert on Friday. Howard said Bill is giving the entire proceeds of the night to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard said that there's a picture of a kid kicking a cat on the front page of the paper today. He said that they have to help these animals. Howard said that Billy is a big animal guy and he has adopted a lot of dogs from the North Shore Animal League. Howard said he's going to get up on stage but he hasn't prepared a speech. He said he'll just get up and explain the charity and introduce Billy. He said he's not sure how much of a speech he'll be making. Howard said he may have to write something out. Robin said he could just have it in his mind what he wants to touch on. Howard said he hasn't come up with anything but he had better.
Howard said he was very emotional when Billy told him about what he was doing. Howard said this project is getting there and Beth is very passionate about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw a Depends thing that Tony Siragusa was promoting. He said it's a small pad you stick in your underwear. Howard said he tried that and he found it to be scratchy. He said now he just takes tissue and sticks it down his pants. Robin said she thought he wrapped his penis. Howard said he did that but it came unwrapped. He said he isn't sure what's going on with him. He said he's just getting old. He said he doesn't scratch his asshole anymore. He said he used to have to do that. Robin said he's going to be embarrassed if he ever goes to the hospital and they have to take his underwear down. Howard said his penis looks like the mummy with the tissue on it.
Howard said he had to take another break. He said coming up next they have an impressions contest. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said before they do the impressions contest he made the announcement that they have the Birthday Bash coming to video this summer. Howard said he can't stop watching the video. He said it it's better than anything they've done. Howard said Joel Gallen directed it and it's great. He said they're going to have it on SiriusXM.com later this year. He said that everyone in the world will be able to see it for free this summer. He said that's his gift to the world. Howard said he'll have more details as they get closer to the launch date. He said it will be a great event. Howard said he has to thank SiriusXM for doing that.
Howard said they have a $5,000 grand prize for the winner of this impressions contest. He said they have 3 contestants there. He said he has Michael, Matt and Barrett. Howard asked who looks at a baby and names it Barrett. Barrett said his parents apparently. Howard said that he was named Howard so he's got the worst name. He said Ralph is bad too. Fred said his name isn't so great either. He said he could have ended up a Fritz though. Howard said Fred hates his name and tried to change it to Eric. Fred said it's been tainted by High Pitch and Eric the Actor.
Howard said that he's going to ask the guys to do a little routine as their character and take it from there. Howard said Michael Fremmer is a writer. Michael was doing an impression of Jackie Mason. Michael told Howard he wrote an article about him in Penthouse years ago. He blamed Howard for every problem in the world and Howard thought he was serious. Howard said he doesn't remember that. Michael said it was a long time ago.
Howard said Michael is an audiophile too. He said he has a $150,000 turntable. Michael said he does. Howard asked if he paid that much for it. Michael said that he can't say what he paid for it but it's less than that. He said that it's closer to $50,000. Howard said it's a $50,000 turntable then. Michael sad that it's made in Australia and he's made by Continuum. Howard said that it's not a $150,000 turntable if he got it for 50. Michael said that's not true. Michael said they make very expensive amps too. He said he's listening to music all day long and writing about it. Howard asked if he plays music. Michael said he's a bad guitarist. He said he listens to records and CDs if he wants to hurt his ears. Robin said she wishes they could test him to figure out if he can tell the difference.
Michael said he was on the show in 1990 and he told Howard that vinyl was going to come back and he was right. Howard said it didn't come back. He said that it's not back. Michael said he predicts within 3 months Howard will have a turntable. Michael went into his Jackie Mason impression and talked to Howard about how he changed his mind about Apple and IBM computers. Howard said this is making him miss the real Jackie Mason. Howard cut him off and said they got a good taste of his impression.
Howard said that Matt does an impression of Big Foot and High Pitch Eric. He does Jeff the Drunk too. He did some of his Jeff the Drunk impression and then his Big Foot impression. Howard said he likes his High Pitch Eric impression. Matt did some of that impression too. His Eric impression was the best of them. Howard said he had to get a lot of phlegm in his throat for that.
Howard asked what Matt does for a living. Matt said he's an illustrator. Howard asked if he went to art school. Matt said he did. He said he went to a school in Jersey. Howard asked what he draws. Matt said he draws story boards for films and comic books and stuff like that. He said he worked on some Ninja Turtles and things like that. He said he thinks that you can learn to be an artist. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said he is working on it though.
Howard had Matt do more of his High Pitch Eric impression. Matt did an impression of a voice mail message Eric left where he threatened this guy Dale in Sales over something he said to his friends. Eric threatened to kill the guy. Howard said he's High Pitch Terrorist. Howard said that was Matt Jacobs.
Howard said next up is Barrett Letty. Barrett did a Gilbert Gottfried impression. Barrett said that Gilbert is his hero. He said he's a genius. He said he's very underrated too. He said in high school he used to bother people with his impression. He said that didn't seem like a very promising career though. He said he's 22 today and he's still in college. He said he goes to Westfield State. Howard said he's never heard of that. Howard said he heard that he did a Gilbert impression for Mariann from Brooklyn. Barrett said he didn't record it because he wasn't sure if he'd get through to her. Barrett said he called her as Gilbert and Mariann was freaking out. He told her that Shuli told him to call her. He said she fell for it initially but then she posted later saying she was upset that someone would call her house for the impressions contest. He said he was just trying the impression for the contest.
Howard asked what other impressions he does. Barrett did one that Howard didn't get. Robin said it was Carol Channing. Howard asked him for more Gilbert. He told him to tell a joke as Gilbert or something. Barrett did more of his impression and told a joke about the Malaysian plane and how they found it hiding behind Gary's teeth. Barrett said that he is defeats the sharks in Sharknado 2 by playing Elisa Jordana music at full blast.
Howard said Robin, JD, Fred and Gary were going to be judges for the contest. Howard asked Robin to go first. Robin said this is going to be not so difficult. She said she made a clear decision and not much trouble making it. She said what made her laugh hardest was the High Pitch Eric impression. That was Matt. Howard said that's one vote for High Pitch. JD went with the same guy. He said the other ones were good but they were just a little off. Howard said it was a clean sweep for Matt so far. Howard asked Gilbert how he was feeling. Gilbert said he feels like he does all the time in his career, unappreciated. Gary went next and he went with High Pitch impression guy too. Matt was still in character and doing that voice.
Fred went next and he said that Matt was funnier and Barrett kind of tanked himself but he did like his Gilbert impression. Howard said that he will throw a vote in too. He said that Matt was his pick. He said he had a funny line or two. He said that Matt just won 5 grand. Matt said he's blown away. Howard said that he won 5 grand from Audible.com. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Robin said that Howard was saying that he can't play blackjack there anymore. She said that they told him that he can come back and play other games. Robin said she thinks it's genius to go in on your own and card count.
Howard read some email about the Louis C.K. interview and how great that was. Howard said this guy was laughing out loud when Louis and Howard were cracking up at the dog licking part of the interview.
Howard read more email and someone wrote in about Howard cracking up about Fred's Eric the Actor impression. Robin said they never did get back to Eric yesterday. Howard said they're very busy today so they won't get to him today either.
Howard read some mail about Richard Christy and how he seems to be living the life and the rest of them should be living that way.
Howard read some email about Ronnie's sex tips and how the guy is into them even though he was grossed out at first. He had some email about Joan Rivers in there too.
Howard read some feedback about Fred admitting he eats pussy. He said that guy felt bad for the woman since Fred is always chewing on those pens.
Howard said Al Feldstein died at the age of 88. He was an editor at Mad Magazine. Howard said he knew the name but didn't know the guy.
Howard said they went out on the street and told people that Howard Stern was going to buy the Clippers. He said they got some reactions from them. Howard played the clip and one guy was lecturing on the rights of people to say what they want to say.
Howard played another clip and that person said she is not a fan of Howard Stern's. She said that Sterling has the right to free speech. She said she prefers him over Howard Stern.
In another clip a guy said that Howard is vulgar and he isn't a fan. He said he had to get Howard's channel to get some ''extree'' channels on SiriusXM but they stay away from him.
In another interview a guy was saying Howard is a classy guy and he likes that he's buying the Clippers. Howard said that guy could have been JD's dad with his mumbling. Howard said that's the way JD's dad should sound.
Howard said Sal and Richard asked some people on the street what they had to say to Donald Sterling. Howard played some of that audio and a guy was going off on Sterling about what he said and he was also saying that he'd get naked and stick it in his ass. Howard said that guy seems to be a little confused. Howard said he wants to make love to Sterling to get back at him. Another guy told Sterling to suck his dick. Howard said there's a lot of gay stuff. Robin said when men get angry things turn gay. Howard said they really do.
Howard played another clip where Sal and Richard asked a guy if there is a difference between black and white Jews. The guy had a lot of thoughts on that. He said the white Jews take from the black Jews.
Howard said Psych wrote a song about him. He said that it's about him not being happy to the tune of ''Happy.'' Howard said he's better at songs about Robin. Howard had another one from Psych where he sings about him driving that car out in L.A. It was called ''Gangly Car Driver.'' Howard said he liked driving the car. He said he doesn't mind songs about himself but he's a disaster when he writes about him.
Howard said Eli Braden wrote a song about Ronnie. He said he hopes that goes better than the Psych song. Howard played that song and told everyone to stick to Robin songs. He said that didn't work. Howard said he had one from Stewart Goetz. That was about Robin's ass being tight. Howard said that's what he wants. Howard had one from Matt Evans about Robin's snatch. Howard said that just works.
JD said that list may be from 2011. He said he saw something that said 2011. Howard said lists are made to get publicity. Howard said that's what that's all about. Howard asked what they're going to do. He said they have to get attention for themselves. He said it's meaningless though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he sounds so frustrated and angry this morning. He said he seems very angry. Howard said he's not angry. He hung up on that guy. Howard said maybe he's angry from the Ambien. He said he goes to bed at 8 and then he's up at 10. Howard said he thought about staying up all night and then go to work. He said he took the Ambien and got some sleep. Howard said what will get him in a good mood is Mike Judge. Howard said Robin is watching his new show. Robin said it reminds her of Office Space. She said they're in Silicon Valley and they're trying to come up with an app to make money with. Howard said that he's going to have to watch that show. He said he's just too busy with shows. He said he stayed up last night to watch ''House of Thrones.'' Robin corrected him and said Game of Thrones. Howard said that show wasn't good this week. He said it blows when that midget guy isn't in it. Robin said they don't seem to get that people don't care about a lot of the characters on that show. Howard said there wasn't one nude person this week. He said he likes that Peter Dinklage in the show.
Howard said there's constant raping on that show. Robin said that's what was going on back then during war. Howard said he just wants people naked. He said that's how he got sucked into that show.
Howard said he's pissed that the Khaleesi isn't going to get naked. Robin told Howard she read that the woman who plays that part never said she wasn't going to get naked again. Howard said he'd like to know why she isn't getting naked. Robin said she's not sure about that. Howard said she better get naked quick because she's not going anywhere as an actress. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he walked over to Robin and she kept her head down the whole time. He said she's so into her work. He said he could have jerked off staring at her tits and she wouldn't have known.
Howard said he really loves this song. He listened to that for a little longer and sang along with it. He said that Mike Judge is there. He said this is a dude on a role. He said he's worth $75 million. He said he just read that on the internet. Howard said Mike looks like he got buff. Robin said he became a surfer. Howard said it's been a while since he saw him. Howard said he heard he goes to dinner with Stamos, Knoxville and someone else. Mike said he does that. Howard said he gets together with some famous people. He said he got together with Steve Martin. He said they've gotten together a few times. Mike said he just met him a few months ago for the first time. He said he's such a nice guy. He said he's a mellow, nice guy.
Howard said he's so bad at that dinner thing. He said he was telling Steve why he's funny. He said he loved when he left the Carson show early and then came crawling back. He said Steve doesn't want to hear those greatest hits. He said that he gets carried away from being star struck. Howard said he goes to get ice cream with Cousin Brucie after that. Howard did his impression of him for a few seconds.
Howard asked Mike what famous people he hangs out with. Mike said it's Stamos and those guys. He said he has like 5 famous friends. Howard said he didn't know Mike played piano. Mike said he plays boogie woogie type stuff. He said he can sound good for a while but not for long. He said it runs out if he has to play longer than 20 minutes.
Howard said Mike is a jack of all trades. He said he was working a math type job when he got out of college. Mike said he worked with a place called Support Systems Associates Incorporated. Howard said that sounds like fun. Mike said he was working in a cubicle on boring stuff for the F-18 project. Howard said that's why he can write a show about Silicon valley when he worked in that kind of job. Mike said he has a degree in physics too. He said he went to UC San Diego for that. Howard said it's amazing that he went on to do Beavis and Butt-Head and all of that. He said he's good at Math and the other stuff too. Mike said he was like 27 or 28 and as long as he wasn't asking for money he was fine with the family. He said there are a couple of Simpsons writers who have a degree in physics. He said there's someone with a PhD in math on the Simpsons. He said that he's pretty smart but he figured he could go to Hollywood and be a genius.
Howard asked Mike how he knows he's doing well at HBO. Mike said they have ratings. He said they don't seem to care so much about them but they're doing well with Silicon Valley. Howard said it was the biggest debut in 5 years. Howard asked why that is. Mike said he thinks they were selling it with his name and the trailer was great. He said that blew up on YouTube. He said the lead in is great too. He said it's an idea that seems to be resonating. He said it was getting a good buzz.
Howard said it seems like a hard idea to pitch. He said that Mike has made a good point about how the nerds have become the powerful. Howard said that when Silicon Valley comes out with something cool people line up and wait for it at stores. He said these guys are well known. Mike said they may not be recognized like a third lead in a sitcom would be. He said these guys like Paul Allen and Bill Gates may not have made as much money today as they did back in the day. He said things have changed.
Howard asked what happens when nerds get rich in real life. Mike said it's funny. He said a friend of his who is a brother of Michael Dell was saying that these guys don't fit in so they're just going to buy some fittin' in. He said they seem to have a hard time enjoying themselves. That's what they tap into in this show.
Robin said there's a party on the show and some girls come over to talk to the nerds. She said the girls were paid to be there to talk to people who look like them.
Howard asked Mike when he pitches the show do a lot of networks pass on it. Mike said this one started as HBO pitching him a show about gamers. He said he doesn't know that stuff so he told them that he used to be an engineer. He said he talked to some other guys about doing a show about tech money years ago. He said that they decided to do it about programmers.
Howard asked if he had an idea or did he just throw something out there. Mike said he threw it out there but he was confident there was material there. Howard said HBO hires him and then what happens. Mike said he had a lot of research to do. He said he and a couple of guys wrote the pilot. He said they had someone from Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm come in to help too.
Howard asked if he is intimidating with all of the success he has. Mike said someone said that on the set. Howard said he seems to be a little intimidating to him even in there. Mike laughed. Robin asked if any of the characters are based on him. Mike said the main character kind of is.
Howard said Mike worked with a guy and he asked to see the schematics to something and the guy just said no. Howard asked what was up with that. Mike said he asked to see something and the guy said ''nope!'' and said that he was tired of people borrowing stuff and not bringing it back. He said he had to sit next to that guy for 12 hours a day.
Howard asked why he got into engineering. Mike said when he finished his animated shorts he wondered why he didn't do that at 19. Mike said his mom said he had to get into science because that's where it's at. He said she was a librarian herself. Howard said he loves people telling you what to do. Mike said he grew up in New Mexico and you never heard about people going in to write a TV show or anything. He said it was unheard of. He said in Albuquerque things are different. He said if you wanted to write a song you'd be told that you're from there and no one writes songs there. Howard said that's a weird thing.
Howard said there is a traditional way of coming up in comedy and Mike did it with cartooning. Mike said he wanted to do sketch comedy and he had a friend who started doing it in 1979. He said that was unheard of back then. He said he never did it again after the third time. Mike said he thought he was going to do sketch comedy with the guy. Mike said he didn't know how to get into it. He said no one was calling him so he didn't know what to do.
Howard said Mike had a shitty camera to shoot his movies with. Mike said he got it for 200 bucks. Howard said he went out and shot a short called Office Space. Mike said he had some of the same characters that ended up in the big movie. Mike said that he recorded the whole track with the sound effects and music. He said he had all of that set up first. Mike said there were books out about it so he did all of that stuff. Howard said he must have a super high IQ. Mike said he thinks he does. He said he had it tested at 5 years old. He said his parents wanted him to skip Kindergarten. He said he was told he had a 138 IQ. He said he's not sure how you gauge that on a 5 year old though.
Mike said his mom used that the rest of his life. He said that she would tell him that he was lazy if he got bad grades. Howard said everyone is waiting for you to get good grades and he wants to go do cartoons. Mike said he didn't tell a lot of people he was doing that at the time. He said he was in a band and he told one of the guys in the band he was doing it. He said he had quit one band and later people in Dallas couldn't believe he quit that to do cartoons. Howard said he's got a lot of confidence in himself. Mike said his ex-wife had a good job. He said that he had a back up plan to be a math teacher if that all failed.
Mike said that he quit his engineering job and he was told you can't do that. He said he completely gave that up. Howard asked how much he was making doing that. Mike said it's not as much as you'd think. He said he has a brother in law who is making like 48,000 or so a year doing that. He said that they make surprisingly little.
Howard asked Mike about making this little film and he barely knew how to do it. Howard said it was 2 minutes long. He asked if he sent it to someone. Mike said he called 411 and asked for a number for MTV. He said he called MTV and Comedy Central and sent out VHS tapes. He said he did it as a cold call type of thing. He said he knew no one. Mike said they had a show called Liquid Television on MTV. He said he would try calling and they love fucking with people over there. Howard asked if he tells his production people not to do that. Mike said he should. Howard asked if people send him stuff. Mike said there are people who say they want to. He said sometimes he'll look at it. Howard asked if he has ever found anyone he could believe in. Mike said yeah. He said there's a guy who did a character with a mullet that got into the movie Ghost World because of that tape.
Howard said Mike is just working on one project at a time now. Howard said he worked on King of The Hill and only that at the time. Mike said he does a little bit. He said when Beavis and Butt-Head was going his manager wanted him to do other things. Mike said he wanted to be remembered for that so he didn't want that to suck so he stuck with that. Howard said that it's sad when people don't focus on just one thing at time and they ruin their career.
Mike said the first meeting he ever had was with Troma Pictures. He said the guy over there was saying they wanted him to make a movie. He said he wanted to do it but his manger told him that he was going to meet with Universal after that. He said he wanted to just go do it but he was a little irrational.
Howard said Mike sees the world on a different level when he has a 138 IQ. Howard said he can't comprehend what that's like. Howard said he isn't sure what his IQ is but he's not good at math. Howard said he must be able to grasp concepts that other people cant. Mike said his brain does some weird things. He said he's dyslexic. He said that he was pretty bad as a kid. He said his garage door in his old house had buttons to open it. He said he got it wrong every time he wanted to open one. He said if there are two things to two things he gets it wrong.
Howard asked Mike who noticed the little film he sent off to MTV and everyone. Mike said he got a call from Kids in the Hall. He said then they kind of ripped him off. He said it wasn't a complete rip off. He said he had Milton talking about his stapler and they had a guy dressed the same way and talking about his pen. He said it was very much like the Office Space cartoon he did. He said that it was with a pen instead of a stapler though.
Mike said he had done the Beavis and Butt-Head short by then and he was getting calls on that. He said that he didn't care about the Kids in the Hall thing. He said at least they called and said they liked it.
Howard said he loved Beavis and Butt-Head when he saw it. He said it was very peculiar. Mike said he wanted it to look like it was drawn by a strange person. Howard said he liked how simple it was. Mike said he liked it because it was like Charlie Brown. Mike said he heard Charles Schultz didn't like the way it was done though.
Howard asked Mike if he draws. Mike said he does but he's not a natural at it. He said he came up with the character drawings. He said he had other people helping out with it. He said that they tended to make it look like a Saturday morning cartoon and he wanted it to look shitty like it did. Howard asked if he drew King of the Hill. Mike said he did draw the model sheets. Howard said he's a renaissance man. Howard said it's amazing he had the confidence to draw. Mike said he never took a lot of pride in that. He said that he would draw pictures of his teachers and stuff.
Howard asked if he had any training. Mike said he had a class in cartooning when he was young. He said he had 5 or 6 classes and the teacher would nod off during class. He said he was a shady dude. He said one day the guy was out hitch hiking and his mom stopped the classes after that.
Howard said that Mike came along and made a career in art with his shitty little drawings. Mike said that he came from the music world and you see people who are technically really good but you'd rather hear Kurt Cobain play guitar instead. He said he thought maybe there would be something interesting seeing drawings that looked like they were done by a 15 year old. Howard asked what he would draw in his sketch books. Mike said he'd take notes but he didn't write enough of them. He said he would draw faces mostly. He said he can't draw buildings, trees and stuff. Howard asked what he did for that. Mike said he wasn't able to draw cars so he would pull out the paper and trace stuff. He said he can sort of do things like using perspective and that stuff. Howard said he's frustrated with his own sketching. He said you just have to go out and do it. Mike said he can't just draw someone. He said he can draw a face but not draw someone. Howard asked how he draws the same face over and over. Mike said you have a light table when you do animation so there's a lot of Xerox enlarging and things like that.
Howard said he has some story. He said it's quite amazing. He said it must be lonely too though. He said it must be tedious too. He said that he must wonder what he was doing with his life. Mike said when the Milton cartoon played he was kind of validated.
Howard said Mike did the drawing, the scripts and then he did the voices. Howard said he went on with the voices. Mike said that he had the natural ability to do imitations. Howard asked if they were based on anyone. Mike said no. He said Beavis is sort of a guy who sat in the front of class in Calculus. He said that he wasn't really like Beavis. He said they had a hot teacher and she was a former cheerleader. He said he would laugh at everything she said like Beavis. He said that energy was what he did for Beavis. He said he imagined him and some other people. He said he took that laugh and energy from that kid.
Howard asked Mike if he loves Beavis and Butt-Head the most. Mike said he does. Howard asked what happened to the MTV thing when they brought them back. Mike said that it did well but what he was told was that MTV has 8-13 year old girls as an audience now. He said that they may bring back more but then they were going to sell it to another network. Mike said he stopped asking about it when he got involved with the Silicon Valley thing. He said it could still happen though.
Howard said that the star of the show was the break out guy on the show and he died. Mike said the guy was amazing. He said that Christopher Evan Welch was only 47 and he died last year. He said that he had fought cancer and was in remission. He said he seemed totally fine. Mike said they had shot on a Thursday and he died on a Sunday. He said it was a real shock to him. Mike said they had shot 5 of the 8 episodes. He said they had to rewrite the rest of the episodes. Mike said it came out of nowhere for them. He said he was amazing though. Howard said that must have been some funeral. Mike said he had a 3 year old daughter. Mike said it's really weird going into editing and seeing the guy who was just there days before. He said they had to move forward and they never thought about just replacing him.
Howard said last time Mike was there Richard came in and started crying over one of the characters on King of the Hill dying. Mike said that he remembers Richard crying over the show ending too. Howard said that's really weird to cry over a cartoon. Mike agreed. He said he is a fan of Richard's though. He said he did an impression of Richard's dad last time he was on and that made Richard cry. He said Howard hasn't played that many of those calls lately. Howard said he has some.
Howard said he has a bunch of Richard's dad voice mails. Richard came in and showed Mike that he's wearing the King of the Hill underwear. Howard asked what Richard cried over on King of the Hill. Richard said there was an episode where they did some meat judging. He said he used to do that. He said whenever Hank is proud of Bobby he cries. Richard started breaking down. Howard said he's crying over a cartoon character. Richard said it's like watching his life on that show. He said it reminds him of growing up. He said Hank Hill reminds him of his dad. Howard said the tears are going already. Richard said he watched the Cinco de Mayo episode yesterday. Howard asked if he knows more about the show than Mike does. Richard said he doesn't think so but maybe he does. Mike didn't remember that Cinco de Mayo one.
Howard asked Mike and Richard some questions and Richard was answering before Mike was. Mike knew the answers but Richard would blurt out his answers quicker. Howard asked Mike how many episodes there were. Mike said 275. Richard said 218. Howard said it's 259. Howard said he likes it better when they chime in fast. Richard was still beating Mike to the punch. Mike finally got one over Richard. Howard kept asking questions and Richard was doing pretty good getting the answers out before Mike.
Howard got back to the Richard's dad voice mails. Howard said these were all new ones. Howard played one where Richard's dad was talking about looking out the window at the tree and squirrels were all over. He said the mama must have had babies. He said they don't have to worry about going hungry. They have young squirrels out there.
Mike asked what they do with the squirrel meat. Richard said it's kind of like pulled pork. Mike asked what kind of animals are the worst they've eaten. Richard said they have Carp and that's pretty nasty. He said he's had raccoon and it's not so bad.
Howard said Mike Judge is proud to say that he has Silcon Valley on HBO. Howard said there was no chance of it being on anywhere else. Mike said that they can go 28 1/2 minutes if they want. He said it's crazy how much freedom they have. He said the downside is that if it hadn't been successful then there's no one to blame other than himself. Mike said they put them on after Game of Thrones so he can't blame anyone.
Richard said that Mike got one of the character voices, for Boomhauer, when he got a complaint from some guy who was mumbling about the show. Mike did an impression of that guy complaining.
Howard asked Richard if he watches Silicon Valley. Richard said he loves it. He said that character that Christopher Evan Welch played was great too. Robin said you're excited when they go to his office on the show. Richard was getting upset again. Howard asked if he only cries over Mike Judge stuff. Richard said he cries when Donald Sutherland sees that Michael Myers lived from the gun shots. Howard said he thinks that he killed Mike Myers and he gets upset. Richard said he cries. He said that music is his favorite music too. Mike said that's amazing. He said he should be an actor because he can cry on demand.
Howard asked Mike about casting his show and how that is. Mike said he loves finding someone great but the casting process is tough. He said that they come in and they are so hoping to get the part. He said they look for a sign on your face that they got it and it's tough. Mike said he usually knows right away. He said on the show four of the guys wrote for one part and he adjusted for them in other roles. Mike said he doesn't enjoy that part of the job. He said he heard JJ Abrams talking about how you want to give everyone the part but you can't do that. He said it's really tough.
Mike said he has to work on his impression of Richard's dad. He did a little bit of it but he said he has to work on it. Richard said Mike talked to his dad as Hank Hill last time. He said to think that if Hank Hill ever got to talk to his dad that would be amazing.
Howard played another voice mail from Richard's dad and Mike did his Hank Hill impression. Richard said that was awesome. Howard wished Mike luck with the show and wrapped up before going to break.
After the break Howard came back and said that JD is on Tinder and he's not getting any girls. He said he thinks it's his picture. Howard said that JD wants him to take his picture. JD said that he didn't ask him to take his picture. He said someone thought it would be funny if he did. Howard asked what picture he's using on there. JD said it's the one of him talking to Bryan Cranston. He said another one is him with George Clooney at the Gravity premiere. He said he did have a girl text him on there but when she found out where he worked she didn't want to go out with him.
Benjy said that he thinks that guys should use their best picture on there and girls should use their worst. He said girls aren't into looks as much as guys are.
Howard asked JD how many dates he's been on. JD said no physical dates yet. He said there are a couple interested that he may be talking to. Howard said he's not doing anything physical. He said he's in the virtual world. He said it's kind of weird. JD said he tried to meet with someone last weekend but that didn't work out.
Howard asked when he got laid last. JD said it was fairly recently. He said he doesn't want to get into it. He said she may not want people to know. Howard said there's nothing more embarrassing than the walk of shame coming out of his place. JD said he has dealt with this before so he doesn't want to talk about it. He said they have seen each other before. He wasn't getting into too much detail. Robin asked if he has a relationship. JD said that she doesn't live around there. Robin said no one who sleeps with JD lives in New York.
Howard asked if she speaks English. JD said she does. He asked if he could leave now. Howard kept asking questions. Howard said he won't tell him if he went down on her. Howard said Robin just ran out of the room.
Howard asked JD where he finished. JD said it was in the condom.
Howard played a JD song parody and said he was watching a video of him from 15 years ago an he looked so good. He said he was skinny. He said he was looking at Beth when she took him for his make over. He said he had a nice lean look. He said he must have put on 50 pounds since then. Robin said he was a real thin kid when he stated there. Robin said she's not sure if that's because of them.
Howard wondered if JD takes his shirt off when he's with a chick. He asked if he has any hair on his chest. JD said he does have hair on his chest. Howard said JD has titties now. JD told him to shut up. Howard said he works out like a mother fucker just so he doesn't get titties and he still looks like shit. Howard said the JD makeover was 11 years ago according to the note he got. Howard said he should go back and watch that video on the internet. Howard said he thinks he'll be surprised.
Howard asked if he takes his shirt off. JD said he's not opposed to it. He said he'll do it with the lights on or off. Howard asked if he fucks through a sheet like a Hassidic guy. JD said he doesn't.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Benjy and Elisa's relationship and asked if that's going okay. Benjy said he loves her very much and they're working on a book together. Robin asked what that book is about. Benjy said it's about why he sucks. Benjy said he shouldn't talk that much about it actually.
Howard took a call from Nicole Bass and Fred did his Herman Munster impression for her. Nicole said she hasn't gotten laid in over a year. Howard said he believes that. Howard asked what she looks like these days. Howard asked if she's still muscular. Nicole said she's not as muscular as she was. She said she thinks she looks good. Howard said he can't imagine fucking Nicole. Nicole said she would pin a guy down and rape him. Howard said Robin saw her pussy and it looked weird. Howard said she said she had a giant hanging clitoris or something. Robin said she can't remember. She said she thinks she's erased that from her mind. Nicole said Howard doesn't remember seeing it. Howard said he heard her clit was bigger than his cock. Howard said if anyone wants to fuck Nicole then contact him and he'll put them in touch. Howard said Nicole is a really nice guy. He said she's really a nice lady.
Howard said when he was in L.A. He knew one of the acts so he couldn't judge them. Howard was about to say who it was but he played ''Robin's Anus'' again. Howard said the act was Rachel Butera the impressionist. Howard said he's not sure if he can say how she did. Howard said he was happy to see her there though. He said he has to refrain from voting on her. He said that he was happy to see her there taking a shot.
Howard and Robin were doing the Maria Menounos ''Yesah'' and ''Nowah'' impression. Howard said that chick is hot but he thinks that would drive him nuts. Robin said she really says that in her reality show too.
Robin started her news with a story about a woman who took video during her abortion. Robin had a quick clip of that. Robin said the woman doesn't show the actual abortion. Howard said he applauds her for that. Howard said he is a fan of abortion. He said he encourages it. He said he's not encouraged by the people who are having a baby. Howard said if you don't think you can raise a kid then don't have it.
Robin read a story about how the supreme court has upheld the ruling that prayer in a town meeting is okay. Robin said they are not violating the law by doing this.
Robin read a story about how some people were protesting Condoleeza Rice at an appearance she was going to make at a college. Robin said she ended up stepping down and withdrawing. Robin said the students were protesting her over being involved with Bush and the Iraq war. Howard said he had Julia Childs at his graduation. He said he spent 4 years there and that's who they got to speak. Howard said he wasn't looking for anyone.
Robin read a story about an Episocopal gay bishop who was the first to get married and now he's getting divorced. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about one of the cast members of Saturday Night Live being criticized over a bit she did. Robin said her name is Leslie Jones and she did a bit about her dating life and what a great catch she would have been during slavery. Robin said it didn't go over very well with everyone. Robin had some audio of the bit and Howard didn't think it sounded that bad. Robin said it got a lot of feedback on social media. Robin read some of those comments.
Robin read about how Spider-Man did at the box office this weekend. Robin said it didn't do as well as the past Spider-Man movies. Robin said they're worried that people are getting tired of the super hero movies. Howard said there aren't too many but they keep going over the same ground. He said he can't get enough of that stuff. He said he liked the last Thor. Robin said The Avengers was really good. Howard asked what Steve Brandano thought of Spider-Man. Steve said it was good and fun but the villain was kind of weak. He said that was Jamie Foxx who was cool but it didn't really work. He said it might be too many of them now. He said Captain America 2 was really good. JD said Howard went to see The Avengers and he went in wearing a hoodie and was grunting at people. Howard said he thought that was something else. Howard said they have to be less consumed with it being a blockbuster and just doing a good story with it. He said they need a good story and not so many special effects. Howard said they all know the back story and they don't need that again.
Robin read a story about someone crashing a plane. Robin said he crashed the plane and then went into the house to make sure no one was home. He saved a dog in the house. Robin said he was able to escape and save a dog.
Robin read a story about a survey that found the iPhone is the best phone out there. Robin said Samsung came in second. Robin read some more details about which carrier got the most votes and which apps were liked the most.
Robin read a story about how South Dakota is the best place to retire. Howard said he can't imagine that. Howard said he wonders where he can get the most house for the most amount of money so maybe that's the place to go. Howard said there's no crime there. He said he could probably move there but his wife might not want to. Robin said she can't imagine the weather there is that great. Robin said New York is at the very bottom of the list with Alaska. Howard said he loves Florida. Robin said it's probably up there somewhere but she didn't know where.
Robin said there is a union of meteorologists. Howard said he had no idea there was a union. Robin said they say there's a shortage of meteorologists. Robin said they had some things to say about the climate change and what we need to do about it. Howard said he thinks we're over populated. Robin said what we consume creates green house gasses.
Howard said Bradley Cooper gained 40 pounds for an acting role. Howard said he wonders what he looks like with an extra 40. Robin said she has seen some pictures. She said it's nice to be svelte. Howard said he thinks his whole staff is up for an acting role.
Robin read a story about some injured circus performers from the human chandelier. Robin said they are expected to recover. Robin said they fell 24-40 feet on Sunday. Robin said it was just one little clamp that failed that made the whole thing fall. Robin said 8 are still hospitalized and four are out. Robin said they say that the circus was canceled after the accident.
Robin read a story about Amazon.com and that led to Howard talking about how huge his bills are from all the stuff he orders from them. Robin said they are about to start using Twitter to attract more customers. Robin said people can reply on twitter with the hashtag #amazoncart and it will add your item to the cart. Robin said that you have to link your accounts to do that. Robin said Google is trumping them with same day delivery. Howard said that Amazon never has that same day delivery. Robin said Google is making deals with big box stores to do delivery same day. Robin said that's only available in Manhattan so far. Howard said he needs a Chinese girl in his apartment today. Robin said she's not sure they're doing that kind of delivery. Howard said he tried using the Kindle thing but he wasn't able to get it to work. He said he has the Kindle app on his iPad and he wasn't able to make it work. Howard said he was talking to his iPad saying that it was not a good business.
Howard said he took the most perfect dump yesterday. He said he waits until it's ready to go before he goes to the bathroom. He said he was letting it brew. Howard said he knew it was going to happen so he got his Squatty Potty out and set that up. He said he was talking to the Squatty Potty like it's a pet. He said this one is plastic and he has a wood one in another room. Robin said hers is bamboo. Howard said he pulled his pants down and put his feet up and something perfect came out. He said it was huge. He said he's eating a lot of ruffage. Howard said he wanted to take a picture of it because it was so beautiful. He said he realized his wife would probably divorce him if he did. Howard let a fart rip a few seconds later. Howard said he's really growing up. Howard said he never thought he'd still be laughing at farts at 60. Howard said he hasn't matured. He said he was going to jerk off last night but he gave up. He said maybe he is maturing. Robin said maybe he was just tired. Howard said she's probably right.
Robin asked Howard about these guys who base jumped off the World Trade Center. Howard said he thinks they're fucking nuts. Robin said they claim they were pointing out the breaches in security. Robin said they released another video of their jumping but they are due in court today. Robin said they are accused of jumping from the Freedom Tower last September. Robin said that four men have been charged in the case.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Robin what underwear she wears since Howard always talks about his. Howard asked if she would really buy them. She said she assumes they're good quality if Robin has them. Robin said she doesn't really have any that she's crazy about. Howard asked if she's saying she doesn't wear any. Robin said she's not saying that. Howard asked if the caller would switch to no underwear if Robin didn't wear any. She said she would. Robin said she has sexy and practical underwear. Robin said when you go to the gym you don't need sexy underwear. Howard said that might motivate you at the gym. Howard asked Robin what she's wearing now. Robin said practical. The caller said she loves the show and she's been a fan since the early 80s. Howard said he and Robin have a great rapport. The caller said she wanted to go to the birthday show but she never did get in. She said that her husband is probably happy about that. She said she thinks he's jealous of her love for the show.
Robin read about the Real Housewives of Atlanta and how they had a reunion show. Robin said there was a big fight between a couple of the women and it was a knock down fight. Howard said those fights are so forced and made up. He said he needs some reality in there. Howard said that's why he stopped watching the porn last night. He said he watched one called ''Fake Hospital Clinic.'' He said the doctor is going to examine this woman who has a burning in her vagina. Howard said he pulls her stretch pants down and starts examining her ass. He smells her and then starts fingering her. Howard said two minutes later he's fucking her. Howard said if she has a burning sensation down there why would you fuck her? Howard said he turned it off because of that.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who asked if Howard talked about the California bus thing. Howard said he didn't talk about that. Howard said he was out in L.A. and they were on a double decker bus to go on a sightseeing thing. He said he was miserable there. He said it went on for like an hour with Howie doing his thing. He said he was pointing out the places he likes out there. Howard said they go on and on taping. He said he was sitting there laughing. Howard said Howie got off the bus and he was stuck on it. He said he stayed on top and they could hear what he was doing up top. He said he was doing his Cousin Brucie impression up there. Ralph said they were all cracking up at the impression. Howard said he was doing that for a few minutes and then he looked around and saw there were all guys up there on the top of the bus. He said he didn't see any women but Ralph said there was one. Howard said he blasted one into the microphone and then walked downstairs and realized they had his microphone feed downstairs too. Howard said it was the biggest fart ever. He said he was trying to give everyone a laugh. He said he was like Fartman. Ralph said it lasted about 5 seconds. Howard said they all looked at him like they were disgusted. He said he asked Heidi if she never farts. He said he's glad no one will ever see the tape of that. He let Ralph go after that.
Robin read more about the Real Housewives and how one of the women is saying that the gays need to be saved by Christians. Robin said the tape was from about 3 years ago and it was recorded at a church. Robin had some of the audio for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone was so bad that Howard was going to hang up on him. The guy got off speaker phone. Howard told him not to call on a speaker phone. The caller said he would gladly fuck Nicole Bass. Howard asked where he's from. He was from West Virginia. Howard asked if he's going to do this as a stunt. The guy said yes. Howard told Gary to get Nicole on the phone. Gary said he'll have her on in a few seconds. Howard said this guy is from West Virginia and anything is better than fucking your sister or a cow. He said he was just joking of course.
Howard said he has a meeting to go to today but he's staying on to make this happen. Gary said Nicole was on line 19. Howard picked up and Nicole said she heard. She said she can't believe this. She asked the guy how he was doing. Nicole asked what he does in real life. The guy said he's a video editor. Howard said it sounds like two dudes bonding. Howard asked the guy, Zach, who he looks like. Zach said he looks like JD without facial hair. Nicole said she'd settle. Howard asked if he has a nice cock. Zach said he's a grower and not a show-er. Howard said Nicole is a show-er and not a grower. Howard asked Nicole if she wants to set this up. Howard asked Zach when he can be up there to make this happen. Zach said he's not sure. He said maybe next week. Howard put him on hold and said they'll get in touch with Nicole. Nicole wanted a few to choose from. Howard said he's not sure he can get that many. Howard said they just lost Zach. His phone was cutting out. Howard said he'll call Nicole back if they get a hold of him.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Rick Springfield writing a novel. Robin said Rick's book is The Magnificent Vibration. Robin had some audio of Rick talking about the book. Howard said the guy hasn't had a hit song in 30 years. He wondered what he's been up to and said it's about time he did something.
Robin read a story about the girls from Cleveland who were released a year ago from their 10 years being locked up.
Robin read that Sharknado 3 has been announced. Robin said they haven't released number 2 yet but the next one is going to be made.
Robin said that there will be a reuniting of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the big screen. Robin said that Jolie wrote a script and that's the movie they'll be doing together. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon took a call from Bobo who said that he does keep notes and refers back to them a lot. He said he may remember something and take notes down. He said he's been doing that for over 25 years. He said he tries to be interesting when he calls in.
Gary asked Bobo what time he gets up. Bobo said he's up at 5 and he takes a shower. He said he goes through his questions and changes them around if he feels he needs to. Bobo said he has a few questions ready to go just in case he can get them in. He said that Howard may rush him off the phone so he won't ask more if he's going to do that. Bobo said he'll slip in that back up question in there if he can.
Gary asked when he goes to the radio. Bobo said he's getting ready after the shower. Gary asked where he goes after that. Bobo said he goes to his car. He said he has his questions all laid out in there. Bobo said he goes down by the docks or somewhere like that. He said he has questions come to him at the docks. He said he may park at the gym parking lot or something like that.
Gary asked Bobo what happens once he's on hold. He asked how long he'll stick with it. Bobo said he'll stick with it for 4 hours sometimes. He said sometimes he's barraged with guests sometimes. Bobo said that if he's not going to get to his question he may not like it. He said he may toss it out because of that. He said he marks them with colored markers so he knows what to go back to or not go back to.
Gary asked how he decides on what to go back to or not. Bobo said it depends on how Howard reacts to it. Richard asked if he has an all time favorite question. Bobo said he asked who Howard thought was pussy whipped on the show.
Gary asked Bobo about how long he has stuck with a question that he didn't get on with. Bobo said maybe 3 week. He said he kept going back and forth with questions for weeks until he got that one on.
Jon asked Bobo if he has more than 3 questions written down at one time. Bobo said he has notebooks full of questions. He said he used to have a lot more but he lost a bunch. He said he had to try to piece his questions back together.
Richard asked if he has ever thought of moving them to an iPad or something. Bobo said he's kind of spontaneous with his writing so he can't do that. Jon asked about how long he's been doing the color coding. Bobo said that's been about 6 months.
Gary asked Bobo if he has his notebooks with him. Bobo said he has one. Gary wanted to hear some questions that he will never ask again. Bobo had to go down to his shrine to find the book.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that Bobo may be the shittiest caller and he preps for them. Gary said he isn't a shitty caller. He said Ralph generally calls with good questions and he doesn't give it a ton of thought. Ralph said he does actually. He said he may write something down so he doesn't forget to say it. Gary asked if he will write down today what he wants to call in about tomorrow. Ralph said he doesn't do that. He doesn't have a color coding system either. Ralph said it's shocking that Bobo prepares for his calls. Bobo said Howard wouldn't pick up if he wasn't good. He said he has stayed on the air up to 35-40 minutes.
Jon asked Ralph how long he's clocked in. Ralph said he doesn't time it. Bobo said he likes Ralph's calls. He said he's been around since the channel 9 show days. Ralph said that doesn't change his thoughts on Bobo's calls.
Gary asked who else Bobo likes. Bobo said he likes Jim from Raleigh. He said he likes Mariann too. He said he thinks that guy Jesse isn't very good but he's a nice guy. Gary asked how he rates King of All Blacks. Bobo said he's good. He said he gets something going all the time.
Jon asked Bobo if he found any unasked questions. Bobo said he has so many and doesn't have them in order. Jon said that's okay. Gary told him to give them some questions that he marked as not to ask again. Bobo said he had one from a long time ago where he was going to ask about the dating game for Robin. He said he was told not to ask that anymore and he's not sure why. Gary said that he was probably told not to ask it because it's a bad question.
Ralph asked if he has to write it down in his don't ask book. Bobo said he does because he might forget and ask it again. Jon said it takes a lot to do all of that. Bobo said sometimes he's up at 3 in the morning preparing for the show. He said the show is all he thinks about. He said sometimes he'll walk around the lake and think up a question.
Richard asked if he ever gets angry and breaks things. Bobo said he has punched the wall and broken some Stern relics from getting mad. Gary asked what constitutes a call going badly. Bobo said if Howard hangs up on him or gets pissed at him it's upsetting to him. He said if you tank then it's not good. Bobo said he gets into a bad place when that happens.
Jon asked how long he will go before he gets upset that Howard didn't pick up on him. Bobo said the longest was probably 3 weeks. He said he freaked out and talked to Mariann about that. He said that he may have called Gary about it too. Gary said his favorite part of that is when you don't call back they are guessing why Howard didn't pick up.
Steve said that Bobo doesn't call Howard and ask why he's not picking up. He said Jeff the Drunk and Hanzi get pissed. He said he has to give Bobo credit for not doing that. Bobo said it's fine if he doesn't pick up but he goes to a deep dark place when he doesn't.
Ralph said he could listen to this for 6 hours. Gary said it is fascinating. Gary said he wonders if they'd get an article in the paper if something ever happened to them. Jon said he loves the dedication that Bobo and Mariann have. He said Bobo is obsessed with the show.
Gary wondered if Bobo gets crazy when Howard thinks he had a sub par call. Jon said that he seems to handle that okay.
Richard said he used to write out questions for KC when he'd leave messages for him. Gary asked if he ever wondered what happened when things cooled off for his messages. Richard said he never got paranoid about it. They went to break after that.
Jon asked how he watches every day. Richard said he has all of the DVDs. He said he re-bought it on iTunes too. He said he can watch it whenever he wants. Richard said he thinks that it's the best show to drink beer to. He said that he's a huge fan of Beavis and Butt-Head and Silicon Valley and Office Space too.
Jon asked why he gets so emotional about King of the Hill. Richard said the show reminds him of his family. He said coming from the mid-west you can relate to the show. Jon asked if he only cried to that one episode. Richard said he cried over a lot of episodes. Richard said he knows he's trying to get him to cry now. Jon said they've had him cry a lot so it's fine. Richard talked about how sweet and friendly the show is and how happy it makes him. He started to tear up again talking about it.
Jon asked Ronnie if he ever gets caught up in that kind of stuff. Ronnie said he's had his moments. Ronnie said he can't remember them though. Jon asked about the ending of gossip girl. Ronnie said he didn't cry over that.
Gary said he cries over the Michael Keaton movie ''My Life.'' He said it's really heavy and it came out around the time his brother died. He said he used to have to shave his bother and they do that in the movie. He said Rolling Stone did an article about that movie and Chris Rock said he'll start crying to it too.
Richard said he has a lot of movies he cries over. He said he cries over Trains Planes and Automobiles. Jon said ''Oh come on.'' Gary said Rudy is another one that guys can cry over. He said Field of Dreams is another one. Jon said Field of Dreams got to him. Richard said the movie ''Up'' got to him. Gary said that one got to him too. Jon said Toy Story is another one. Ronnie agreed. He said that he can't remember what got him choked up but he did.
Gary said the movie Miracle on Ice makes him choke up. He said if he watches the actual game he gets choked up too.
Jon said he's trying to figure out Ronnie and Toy Story. Ronnie mentioned something about the toy falling off the truck and getting lost. He said he used to watch kids who watched that movie constantly so he saw it a lot. He said he used to watch Indian in the Cupboard. He said that one got to him too. Ronnie said that he was upset with Buzz Lightyear died. Jon said he never pictured Ronnie being into that movie.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Richard if he watched Pee Wee's Playhouse. Richard said he didn't that much. The caller said they brought it back to Broadway and he used to watch the show all the time. He went to see the show and ended up crying when the lights came up. He also said that Richard helped him through his father's passing away. He said that he loves Sal and Richard and what they do. He thanked them very much for what they do. Richard thanked him for that. Richard said that means a lot to him. Gary said that they want to get his name and address. Gary jokingly told him that having the Sal and Richard phone calls was illegal and they wanted his number for that. Gary said he was just joking and said that he just won something. He said he just won a $500 cash prize from Pocono raceway.
Jon asked the guys about other movies that they cried over. Brian's Song was another one that Gary cried over. Richard said that Where the Red Fern Grows was a book he cried over. Ronnie asked about the Lou Gehrig Story and if they cried over that. Ronnie did. Jon said there are a few films that Ronnie cried over.
Richard said strong men also cry. He said he was quoting the Big Lebowski. Gary said sometimes it's just the wrong day or the wrong time. Ronnie said a Vizsla walked in front of his car the other day and he lost it. That's the type of dog he had that died recently.
Richard said the Sunday morning news on CBS gets him every week. He said they always do a story that gets to him. He said they had the saddest story ever on the show the other day. Gary said that story is really sad. He saw what Richard was talking about. Richard said it's so sweet.
Gary said they did a story about a pet cemetery that was really sad. He said there's a woman who goes there with her dog and she goes every week to put flowers down. Ronnie said his girlfriend did that while he was away. Ronnie said that's getting to him. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon asked Gary about getting picked to be a judge at the last minute. He said JD was too. JD said he got in and got out. Gary asked if he likes to judge. JD said it depends. He said he doesn't like disappointing people. JD said that's the part he doesn't like. Jon asked why he would do it. JD said he was asked to do it. Richard asked what he likes about doing it. JD said making someone happy for picking them.
Jon asked JD if there's anything that makes him cry on TV or in movies. JD said he can get emotional a lot. He said he watched Philomena and got emotional during that. He said Saving Mr. Banks was another one. Gary said he's getting worse as he gets older. He said he's had those moments too. Jon said he got upset with Mr. banks when he thought about his kids.
Richard said the movie Nebraska got to him. He said at the end of that one the guy is driving his truck and his son is there and it's just great.
Gary asked if Jon's kids have seen him cry. Jon said he thinks so but he's not sure. Gary said he has tried to hide it. He said his dad always hid it. He said his dad broke down at his 30th anniversary and he started crying talking to his kids.
Jon asked Ronnie about Toy Story where he got upset. Ronnie said it was when Buzz was in the box and he wasn't able to function. He said the face he had on was upsetting to him. Jon said he didn't know that he was so into that. Richard said they have to have Tim Allen on to talk to him as Buzz to make him cry.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's finding out that his favorite guys are all pussies. He said that Ronnie is the man in his book. Gary asked if anything makes the caller cry. The caller said that he doesn't cry over things. He said he had a fear of being afraid of anything so he just stopped crying.
Jon asked JD about his Tinder photo advice today. JD said there was misinformation going around about that and he had to clarify that. Jon said he's very happy for him that he got laid recently too. Gary asked if that was a Tinder thing or not. JD said it was not. He said Tinder hasn't worked out that well so far. He said he's been off and on with Tinder. He said some weekends he sees what's going on over there. Gary asked what his best route for meeting chicks is. JD said that Facebook is the best way to have a conversation. Gary asked about Eharmony and things like that. JD said people tell him to try Match.com. He said there is no way he's putting a profile on there. Gary said he knows someone who went on a dating site and someone he knows found her. He said it was sort of weird that this guy found her because he's sort of known.
JD said that he is dating and talking to different people. Gary asked what he does on Facebook. Gary said that he has a limit at some point. JD said he's selective. He said he pretty much only friends hot chicks, staff and family. Jon asked if the women know that he's not exclusive with anyone. JD said he lets them know that. He said that he's a bad liar and he doesn't want to hide something. He said it's better to be up front.
JD said he doesn't want to be like that and lie to people. Ronnie asked why he has to lie. He said he can date 3 girls and not lie. JD said it's just a mess.
Gary asked if he has ever been in an exclusive relationship. JD said not really. Jon said it was time to wrap up the Wrap Up Show. Everyone got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started the show talking about a guy on Facebook who is jerking off but narrating his jerk off tape. He said he has audio of that. Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show yesterday where Bobo was talking about how he prepares to call into the show. Howard said it was quite a fascinating discussion.
Howard took a call from Wolfie (@ThisIsWolfie) who said he's fascinated with Bobo. He asked Howard if that freaks him out. Howard said Bobo could just call in and not prepare. He said he's not sure what he's preparing for. He said he even logs how long he stays on the show. Howard said it would be disturbing to see one of those notebooks. Robin said she'd like to see the notebooks. Howard said it sounds organized but then they were saying to him that he should get the book and read the questions to them. He said it didn't sound like he was able to get that stuff out. Howard said Jon Hein wanted to hear one of his rejected questions. Wolfie said he was fascinated by that. Howard said Bobo wasn't able to get it together when Jon asked him to pull out a question. Wolfie said you'd think he'd organize it on an iPad or something. Howard said it's too complicated for some people and they just stay old school.
Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Bobo was talking about the questions he writes in preparation for his calls. He told them that he has a back up question in there just in case he can slip it in. Bobo said he has notebooks with the questions for Howard.
Wolfie asked Howard to go in deep with Bobo and ask what he has. Howard had him on the phone so he picked up on him. Howard asked what his question was today. Bobo said he was going to ask Bryan Cranston if he has a line he wouldn't cross in a love scene. Howard asked him what his back up question was. Bobo said that one is marked in purple. He said he had that one on another page. Howard said there is no organization there.
Howard asked Bobo why he wasn't able to get in a question yesterday when Jon asked him to. Bobo said he had to go into the house and find the notebook. Howard asked how many notebooks he has. Bobo said he had a lot but a bunch of them were destroyed in the flood. He said he freaked when he lost all of them. He said this was all stuff he sat and thought about. Howard said God destroyed all of Bobo's notebooks.
Howard said he found it fascinating that he had three books. He said it sounded organized but now it doesn't sound so organized. Bobo said he color codes stuff red to show him not to ask the questions. Robin asked what some of those were. Bobo said he had one he'd ask every year around his daughter's birthday. He said he crossed that one off the list. Howard said when Bobo came up to the hospital that made him realize just how crazy Bobo is. Howard said he was in a private room and Bobo just walked right in. Bobo said he figured out the security code. Howard asked how he did that. Bobo said it was his ex-wife's maiden name. Howard said that no one thought some lunatic was going to show up there. Bobo said he knows he crossed the line on that one. Howard said he sure did. Howard said Dominic showed up too so it was weird.
Bobo said Howard's parents didn't stop him from coming up. Howard said they're just regular people who don't think about that stuff. Howard said they don't know that there's a lunatic loose. Howard said he's got a rat on his head and no human being would wear that in a serious way. Bobo said you might say he stood out.
Wolfie asked if serial killers have notebooks like that. Howard said they do and you see that all the time. Bobo said he's just a big fan of the show and he writes his stuff down. He said he has to go by the water to get inspired to write them. Howard said he was thinking about Bobo and how he has an IQ of 80. He said this is his big accomplishment. Howard said it won't get any bigger than this. Bobo said that he has achieved things in his life that no one has with an IQ like his. He said he's made it into Newsday. Howard said even stupider people make it into the paper. He said that's not that big of a deal. He mentioned some of the dummies that have made it into the paper. He said it's filled with dopey people.
Howard said that Bobo is good at writing questions for the show. Bobo said he has a serious thing going on there. He said he has an idea that there's a conspiracy going on. He said he thinks there is a conspiracy with Howie Mandel setting Ronnie up for one of the biggest pranks of all time. Howard said he doesn't think so. H said Howie called him at home about this show. Ronnie said he signed a legal contract for the show. Howard said Bobo still thinks that it's going to be a prank. Howard said Howie had this idea for Ronnie and he wanted to make sure it was okay with him. Howard said he told him to feel free to do what he wants with him. He said Howie laid out the show for him and if it was a goof he would have told Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't see it being a goof. Howard said he doesn't think it is. Ronnie said it could be though.
Howard said the show is a goof on Ronnie because he's not an expert in how to start a business. Ronnie asked what he's talking about. Howard said the idea that he's advising a strip club is funny. He said that he's going to advise the clubs on how to run their club.
Howard said Ronnie is a nut job too. He said Ronnie was talking about the movies he cries over when they were talking to Richard about that. Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Richard was talking about the things he has cried to when he's watching King of the Hill. He was talking about crying to Sunday morning news on CBS too. Howard said Richard was crying on the Wrap Up Show. Robin said crying over that on the Wrap UP Show is odd. Howard said Ronnie was talking about how he cries over Toy Story. Howard said then he said he has seen it multiple times. Ronnie said he's seen it at least 100 times. Howard said Ronnie is watching it on his own. Ronnie said he was watching it with little Brian when he was a kid. He said the kid loved it and grew up on that thing. Howard said he thinks that's Ronnie's Godfather. Ronnie said he felt bad for Buzz Lightyear when he was in the box.
Ronnie said that Bobo found out where the guy from the security company Slomins lived and went to his house knocking on the door in the middle of the night. Bobo said he had a problem with his alarm system 50 times and he had to do something. Ronnie said the guy still talks about that to this day and he said he was going to let his dog out to rip him apart.
King said he wanted to tell Ronnie a secret. Ronnie said he's just so jealous of anyone who is on the show. Howard said King has to be jealous if Ronnie. King told Howard that the car that Ronnie told Howard to get, an Escalade, has been changed for 2015 and he got the wrong one. Ronnie said it doesn't matter. He said the new one looks like a hearse. He said that King likes things that look like dead people ride in.
King said the car was out already. Ronnie said it was not. He said Howard didn't tell him when he got the thing. He said King thinks he knows everything. Ronnie said he knows nothing. He said everyone knows how dumb King is. Howard told Ronnie to go get the guests up there. Ronnie left and Howard said he has to go. Howard said he hung up on Bobo and accidentally left Wolfie on.
Howard said he doesn't think Ronnie's show will be made. King said that's what he's saying. He asked why it would get made. Howard let King and Wolfie go after that.
Howard said he thought it was nice of Howie to call him and ask about the TV show. He said he felt good about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bobo said he's one of the worst callers. He said he wanted to make up for that. The guy, Jesse, brought up America's Got Talent and started to talk about that. Howard said he really is the worst caller. Howard said he's taking an hour to get to his point. Howard said he is a horrible phone caller. Jesse said he saw Howard's butt crack for about 10 seconds at the taping. Howard asked who cares. He said that there must be an art to calling into the show.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she never writes anything down. She said she talks off the top of her brain. She mentioned that Beth was going to be on Fox and Friends this morning. She said that she's been trying to call in about some other things too. Mariann said that Bobo will steal things that she wants to talk about on the show. She said he takes her lines and writes them down.
Howard let Mariann go and took a call from Wheels. Wheels said that Tommy from Malden is the worst. Howard said they should have a whole show about callers going back and forth. Gary said they're all very competitive. Gary said Mariann told him about Bobo stealing her lines earlier.
Tommy from Malden was on the line. Wheels told Howard that he had to block Tommy from following him. He said that he likes Jim from Raleigh. He said that he doesn't have to be friends with Tommy and Bobo. Howard said callers are evaluating and texting and tweeting each other.
Howard asked Tommy if he thinks Wheels is bad. Tommy said sometimes he has a good call. He said he got mad when he said his best call was when he talked about how he almost killed himself. Wheels said that Twitter isn't Facebook and he doesn't need him tweeting him about his calls. Tommy said it's done. He said he's not following him anymore.
Tommy said he has to write his questions down but he doesn't keep a book. He said he has note paper that he writes them down on. Wheels said he writes stuff down too. Howard said he didn't know there was a whole show to be had from this.
Wheels was talking about how he's a quadriplegic and how tough it is for him to make his calls. Tommy just let out a ''Wahhh'' for that. Howard laughed about that. Wheels mentioned that Tommy is fat. Howard asked if he really is. Wheels said that he has met him. Tommy said he never has.
Howard asked Wheels about how he takes a shower. Wheels said he gets transferred onto a chair by a nurse. He said that she has to lift him onto the chair and he goes into the shower and all of that. Howard asked how much he weighs. Wheels said he's about 182. He said the nurse is about 140. He said she has been working for him for a long time. Howard asked if she's ever given him a hand job. Wheels said she never has. He said she wouldn't have been there for 12 years if she did. Howard said he thinks she'd last a lifetime if she had done that for him. Wheels said she's nuts and that's why she's there.
Robin said she's not sure he has any feeling down there. Wheels said ''Any day Robin.'' Robin said she was just asking. Wheels said he sent Will a picture of his penis once and he thinks he scared him off. Wheels said that stuff has happened but those nursed don't last long. Howard said that's too bad. He let Tommy and Wheels go after that. They both said ''Fuck you'' to each other as they were leaving.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd take a hand job from a nurse like that. He also told Howard that he heard that Paul Mooney was cut off on the Arsenio Hall show because he brought up the N-word. Robin said he was on their show saying he wasn't going to use that word anymore. Howard said that was just for their show. Howard said he uses it on other shows. Howard said he can't imagine why they'd cut Mooney short. The caller said they did that on Arsenio's show. They actually had a producer come out and cut him off. Howard said he got thrown off Arsenio's show years ago. He said he's going to be on the show soon. He said they'll talk to him about all of that.
Howard took a call from a guy, Shandor, who said he was calling in about the Mike Judge interview. He said he met him at a concert once and he was with Ron Jeremy of all people. Shandor said he filled out a will last week and he put in something for the North Shore Animal League. Howard said that's great. He said that North Shore rescued the cat that was in the video of the guy kicking the cat. He said that he's very proud of that organization. He said Billy Joel will be donating a bunch of money to them with his May 9th concert too.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who said he had no idea there was a hierarchy for the callers. He said he wanted to ask about the birthday bash video and if they have a date for that yet. Howard said it will be this summer but not set date yet. He said that it will be free for everyone on SiriusXM.com and HowardStern.com. He said there will be no charge for it.
Mike said Howard always gives back to the fans. He said he never rips them off. Howard said he prides himself on that. Howard said he has to thank Joel Gallen on the show. He said he did a great job with it. Howard said it will create a lot of discussion on the show. He said he's watched it several times and he really enjoys it.
Mike asked if they're going to have a release party for the show. Howard said they were going to do something but he just wants to put it up and let everyone enjoy it. He said he didn't want to get too crazy.
Mike said he's going to be up there in July and maybe he and Howard can grab a bite. Howard said he'll think about that. Howard said that guy is crazy. Howard said he's a nice guy. He said he met him down in Florida outside Bubba's studio once. He said he's a really nice guy aside from the anti-Semitism.
Howard said the thing with Paul Mooney was that he denounced the N-word in 2006 after the Kramer incident. Howard said that they were wondering if that was really going to happen.
Howard said that Venus and Serena Williams dad is coming in. He said Larry King is too. He said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that Richard Williams is there. He said that's Serena and Venus's dad. He said that he's written a book. Howard said it's called ''Black and White: The Way I See It''. Howard said that he's had a wild life. Richard came in and Howard said he looks different than he does on TV. Robin said he does not. Robin asked how old he is. Richard said he's 16 but just over worked.
Howard said he must be excited about this book. Richard said he is. He said when he was a kid there were times he didn't think he'd make it. Howard said he's had a crazy life. Howard asked if he hates white people because of what they did to him. Richard said he doesn't hate anyone. Howard asked where he grew up. Richard told him but he mumbles so it was hard to understand what he said.
Howard said Richard talked about some horrible things in his life. He said his mom picked cotton in the fields. Howard said white people would beat Richard and chase him around. Howard said he was chased with a stick, bat, chains and a gun. He said his nose was broken 3 times and his teeth were knocked out. Howard said his dad didn't raise a hand to help him either. Richard said he wasn't going to live that way. He said he didn't think there was that American dream when he was young. Howard said that his dad didn't help him at all. Robin said he could have been beaten if he had.
Richard said he has fear and that's a terrible thing to have. He said it can make you bold as well as being afraid. He said that you get to a point where you know what's going to happen.
Howard said he read about the atrocities that happened to him. He said they're almost unimaginable. Richard said he was batting 1000. Howard said he had 4 guys jam a railroad spike into his leg. He bled so much that they thought they had killed him and they just ran off. Richard said that they didn't have to run because there was no law against killing a Negro in Louisiana. Richard said he doesn't know anyone who went to jail for that.
Richard told Howard that his mother told him about how being prejudice will never get you anywhere. He said that he loves his mother very much. Howard said that her grave was vandalized. Howard asked who he thinks did that. Richard said he thinks it was just people who were robbing graves. Howard asked what was going on there. Richard said the Sheriff's department thinks it was just people robbing graves.
Howard said Richard dug up his mother's grave to see if she was there. Richard said he didn't do it. He said the people at the graveyard were digging up other graves in the area.
Howard said his life gets even more crazy. He asked if he's worn out from living. Richard said that's a good way to put it. He said he was trying to sleep last night and wondering why he wasn't able to. He said he was thinking about the past. He said that's why. Richard said he thought about a tennis match and he was able to go right to sleep.
Howard asked Richard about his marriage to Venus and Serena's mother. Richard said she was a great woman. He said that he thinks that there was too much money and too much exposure at one time. He said she was a hell of a person and much better than he was. Howard said he remembers watching the tennis matches and it was kind of sad. He said he would be in one area and she was in another. Howard said that was sad that they weren't able to share in that. Richard said he likes to move around the stadium. He said he wanted to see what he could hear as far as prejudice in the stands.
Howard said you'd think that tennis would be the last place in the world to get your kids a job. Howard said you have to be kind of nutty. He said that Richard took the girls to Compton to toughen them up. Howard said that's how he made them great tennis players. Howard asked if he has ever read Andre Agassi's book. Richard said he did. Howard said he hates his father because of the way he raised him. Howard said that his dad threw away a second place trophy and said there was no room for second place finishes. Richard said he's not sure what his father based all of that on. He said that putting Venus and Serena in an all white sport would make them even tougher. He said he thinks that Agassi's father is a great guy from what he's seen and heard. Howard said Agassi hates his father though. Richard said that's not him though.
Howard asked if the kids like him. Richard said that he talks to them and he thinks that they like him. He said he's not sure if they hate him like Agassi hates his father. He said Venus told him she likes the book. He said she went out and bought a ton of them to pass them out to people. Howard said that sounds like they like him. Richard said that the white race put it on him that they didn't like him. He said he missed out on a lot of their childhood. He said that he could have walked away. Howard said he really could have done that.
Howard said Richard would take the girls to Compton to play tennis. He said he had to clear the courts of drug dealers and people like that to play. Richard said that was a place to meet and sell drugs. Howard said he had to fight to get them to play. Richard said that they would tell him to get the hell out of there. He said that's how he ended up in so many fights. Howard said he got his ass kicked too. Richard said he got his ass kicked every time. He said the one time he didn't get beaten was when he bought himself a 12 gauge shotgun. He said he got beat up and went back to the courts and started shooting. Howard said he wanted the girls to learn to play so badly that he started to shoot at drug dealers.
Howard said that Richard used to have people yell at the girls while they were playing. Richard said he writes about that in the book. He said he did that in Compton because it had to be a better place to learn to have people yelling stuff at you. He said if they could get through that they could get through anyone yelling at them.
Howard asked if he's ever been asked to start a tennis camp. Richard said he has been asked. He said he doesn't want to work with anyone else though. He said he doesn't think that people have the same concept of tennis that he has. He said that you have to beat their weakness down and then their strength comes out. He said that his kids never could have learned to play as well as they did with someone else.
Richard said that there's a tennis player out there now who is pretty famous. He said the balls are always short about 90 percent of the time. He said you have to tell them to move up and they won't do it. Richard said he doesn't do things like that.
Howard asked if Richard is a good tennis player. Richard said he's great at anything he does. He said he was great. He said that he has a lot of confidence. He said that's what it's all about. Richard said that he changed all of tennis with his kids. He said Venus was so rough when she first came out. He said white people were too dumb to see how to get around that. He said he was able to train his girls to beat them on the things they wanted to beat them on.
Howard asked if the girls are an unusual talent. He said he would have trained all of his kids to be that good if they weren't. Howard asked if he thinks he's the reason they're talented. Richard said that the things they do can not be taught. He said that those talents are god given. He said that no one could have taught them what they know.
Howard asked how this works financially. He said Richard saw that someone won $40,000 and he said he was going to teach his kids how to play. Richard said most parents want that for their kids but they really want it for themselves. Howard asked Richard if he wanted it for himself. Richard said he wanted to make a ton of dough with them.
Howard said that the kids started making money and they were like phenoms. Howard asked how he decides how much he gets and how much he puts away. Richard said that in the book you'll learn a lot about that. Howard asked how he worked out the finances. Richard said he'll get to that in a minute. He said that Venus was playing at 7 years old. He said by the time she was 12 she asked what they should do. Richard said the girls were playing people so big that he wasn't able to count that far. Howard said with money it gets into a weird thing. He said he was their manager. Richard said he wasn't their manager. He said he didn't qualify for that.
Richard said that a woman is the most powerful thing on earth. He said his mom taught him that. He said he asked his daughter what she wanted to do and he let them make their own decisions.
Howard asked if he is a wealthy man. Richard said he has been wealthy since he was a kid. He said that he was wealthy when he was picking cotton. Howard said he is a ladies man too. Richard said he's a godly man. Howard asked how old he is. He said he's 72. His wife is 35. Howard said look at him. Richard said he's no ladies man. Howard said it's no wonder he looks good. Richard said that he should ask Larry King about all of that. He said he's the womanizer. Howard said he didn't say he's a womanizer, he's a ladies man. Richard said he doesn't think he is.
Howard said that it's remarkable that he's alive. He survived multiple beatings. He said he went into the woods to hide and the white people burned the woods down. Richard said they even burned a house down. He said that's not in the book. Richard said he got tired of eating maggots and they were so poor that they didn't have a pot to eat out of. Howard said he had maggots in the meat and he had never made in a toilet until he was 18 years old. He had to go in a bucket before that. Richard said it was good eating in the garden from the fertilizer. Howard said that he must have thought about how he was eating his own shit.
Howard said Richard used to hold up signs for him at the tennis matches. Richard said that they liked his signs. He said they learned about them. Howard said the signs stopped and the people stopped coming to the games. Richard said a sponsor asked him to stop holding the signs up. He said the sign was very valuable.
Howard asked Richard if he's amazed there is a black president. Richard said he never thought he'd see it in his time. He said he's not amazed though. Richard said that he thinks he's great but it's terrible the way white people are treating him. Howard said that he never thought that white people would vote for a black man. He said it must be some sort of progress. Howard said that there had to be a lot of white people voting for him. Richard said that he hasn't seen that many changes because of that. He said that black people are still being shot in the back of the head. He said he saw a story about a guy who was handcuffed and the white cops shot him while he was handcuffed.
Howard said he must not have been surprised by what Donald Sterling said. Richard said he was not surprised. He said he's 77 years old and he's been taught hatred all his life. He said that he was not surprised at all. Howard asked if there will ever be a time when there is no racial prejudice. Richard said no.
Howard said Richard once dressed up as a Ku Klux Klan guy and beat some of them up. Richard said he's never had a problem with them but he dressed up as one because they were going to kill another black boy. He said they had a habit of putting you in the back of a truck. He said he saw they had a boy to kill and he dressed up like one to get in there. He said he beat them to the punch. Richard said that they would meet in the woods and he'd go out there either way. He said he had his gun with him and he saved that kid's life.
Howard asked if he has ever killed anyone. Richard said he hasn't but he has wanted to. Howard said the book is really good. Howard said he took a lot of shit from the white man. Howard said Richard went and beat up a cop and then beat him up again because he locked him up. Richard said that happened in a couple of different states.
Howard said this book is a good lesson in over coming adversity. He gave him another plug and wrapped up with him. He said that he'll be signing copies of his book at Barnes and Nobel tonight in the city. Howard thanked him for coming by. Richard said that anyone is welcome at the book signing. He said even anyone from the Ku Klux Klan. Howard said he thinks they've learned everything. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he guesses you have to take your kids to Compton to make them great tennis players. Robin said that's one way.
Howard said Larry King is there. Howard said last time he saw him he was at their birthday show. Howard had Larry come in after that. Robin said he's in jeans and suspenders. Larry said he had a great time at the birthday show. Larry said he's been in the business for 57 years. He said he has never seen a radio set up like this. He said he remembers the days in Washington. Howard said he was blown away when he first set foot in there. Howard said the place was unbelievable. Larry said he was there before it was all built up and it was a dump. Howard said this is the coolest thing now. He said he can walk down the hall and be on the Top 40 channel if he wants.
Larry said he listens to Sirius all the time. He said the merger was really smart. He said this set up is amazing. He said radio doesn't need this kind of set up but it's great for the guests. He said he was in the bathroom and they had books in there. He said it's great.
Howard said when he came over there he was able to design his own studios. Howard said the last radio station was such a dump. He said the owner was proud of that because he was saving money. Howard said he wanted to elevate radio to the same level as TV and film. He said that it's always secondary. Larry said if it's not being seen then who cares? Howard asked if Larry ever worked in a nice place. Larry said he has. He said this is a joke though. He said they have trophies and puppets in Howard's studio. He said it feels important.
Larry said the only complaint he has is maybe some Sinatra in the bathroom. Howard said you can't have everything. Howard said he really loves Sinatra. Howard asked if he was ever afraid of him. Larry said Frank would make fun of the Mafia stuff but he did have a lot of connections. Howard said he wasn't physically imposing at all. Larry said he had something that not everyone has. He said he had an attitude. He said he changed the room when he walked in. He said he would walk into a room and he had that attitude that got everyone's attention. Howard asked if he can come across as an asshole though. Larry said there were two Sinatras. He said he doesn't think he was a happy man. Howard said he had an over bearing mother as a child. She died in an airplane crash. Larry said he couldn't stand the loss of friends. He said if Frank was your friend, he was your friend. He said he would go down the road for you. He said if he wasn't your friend then forget it.
Howard said he has gone to dinner with Don Rickles and Sinatra meant a lot to him too. Larry said that they had some legendary stories. Robin pointed out that Larry was spilling his coffee on the couch. Larry said he thinks he just ruined his couch. Howard told Gary to bring in some tissues. Howard said Larry was so upset that he has such a nice studio that he had to ruin it.
Larry said that in 1964 Sinatra was huge. He said he was famous for not talking to the press. He said he just wouldn't talk to you. Larry said Jackie Gleason was very good to him. He said he was a great guy when he wasn't drinking. He said when he drank he was a nasty drunk. He said he was a great guy and a fun guy to be around. He said he was a genius. Howard asked what you do when he's abusive. Larry said you just leave. He said he was never abusive to him. He said he thinks he probably forgot when he was mean to people. He said he was very generous too.
Larry said they flew him up from Miami to New York. He said he took a train with Gleason and he had the whole train with him. He said it was a whole party on that train. Howard said he got the feeling that he was a ladies man. Larry said he called himself a roaming catholic. Howard asked if he thinks the Honeymooners is the best sitcom of all time. Larry said it's up there. He said there are a few up there. He said that they didn't have a phone on the set of that show. He said they had to yell out the window or come to the door. He said they made it tough on writers.
Larry told Howard he had a mentalist on his show once and Jackie Gleason put a pack of cigarettes down and said he'd give him $50,000 if he could move it. It didn't happen.
Larry said that Jackie Gleason would pose questions. He said he had a doctor with him one night and he asked him what was impossible. He said the doctor said they would never invent blood in a laboratory. Larry said he was asked what's impossible in his profession. Larry said that there was no way Frank Sinatra would do a local radio show for 3 hours. He said Jackie asked what night he was off and he said it was Monday. Jackie told him he had Sinatra on Monday night. He said that he was going to promote that and Jackie assured him he had him for the following Monday night. Larry said that he told everyone he had him coming in and no one believed it. He said management called him in and said they were going to take out a full page ad saying that Sinatra was going to be on. He said they weren't getting any calls back from Sinatra's people though. Larry said he called Jackie and asked him what was going on. He said Jackie didn't care that the station took out the full page ad. He said that Jackie told him he was coming so he was coming.
Larry said that no one went home from the radio station that night. Howard said that Sinatra was so big that no one was bigger at the time. He said that this was a really big thing. Larry said it was 5 to 9 that day and Sinatra wasn't there. He said a limo pulled in and Sinatra stepped out. He said they came up the stairs and asked which one was Larry King. Sinatra came into the studio and they sat down. He said the PR guy said he doesn't know how he got him because he's paid to make sure he doesn't get that.
Larry said that he asked Sinatra why he was there. He said Sinatra told a story about how he wasn't able to do any make up dates for some shows he had to cancel. He said Jackie saved him and did some stuff for him. He said he told Jackie he owed him one and Jackie called and asked him to do this radio show. He said that was the one thing he owed him and he was doing it for Jackie.
Larry said they had a wonderful 3 hours on air. He said the PR guy told him not to ask about his son's kidnapping. He said he didn't ask about that but he did ask if he has been bum rapped by the press. Sinatra was the one who brought up the kidnapping himself. Larry said he was making maybe $150 a week at the time. He said Sinatra asked him to come see a show and set him up for a Friday night. Larry said he had a list of girls he could bring with him and he knew it would be a good night. Larry said he had $20 to his name and he figured he had to tip 15. He said he had to give $5 for the car. Larry said that he had dessert and in the middle of the show Sinatra would sit down with the audience. He said Sinatra told the audience how he did the interview with him and had him stand up in the audience. He said the dessert he had, Cherries Jubilee, fell all over him. He said he had no money with him when he drove the girl home. She asked to stop for coffee. He said he pulled into a place and told her that they couldn't change a $100 bill. He said that's how he got out of getting coffee.
Howard said Larry is a very social guy. Larry said one had feeds the other. Howard asked if he had a good time with the girl that night. Larry said of course he did.
Howard said Larry is working and doing a show on Ora.tv and on Hulu. Larry said he doesn't understand the technology but it's great that he's working. Larry said he thought he could retire but he can't. Howard said he loves the technology. He said that he doesn't understand it that much either but he loves it. Howard said that's why he loves Back to the Future so much. He said you have all of this stuff but he has no idea how it works.
Larry said he parted ways with CNN and that was under weird circumstances. He said he had 3 years more than he thought he was going to get. He said he did get to see more of his kids after that. Larry said two things happened to him. He said the richest man in the world had invited him to go down to Mexico City to speak at an event. He said he had the guy on his show and he invited him over to his house. He said he was leaving CNN and he went down to Mexico again. He said that's when they came up with this idea to do an internet show. He said that he's financed it and that's how Ora.tv came about. He said they carry it on cable too.
Howard asked if he's happy that Piers Morgan's show failed. Howard said he knows the politically correct answer is no but he has to have something in him that says it's not that easy. Larry said it's a mixed feeling. Howard said he heard he lit fireworks. Larry laughed. Larry said that the definition of mixed feelings is when your mother in law goes over a cliff in your new car.
Larry said he worked differently than Piers did. He said he thinks that Piers was too much about ''I'' and not about the guest. He said that if you see the host 95 percent of the time then it's not about the guest. Larry said he went on the show 2 or 3 times and he was not unfriendly to him. He said it just wasn't his type of show.
Larry said that he thinks that if they really wanted a show they should have hired Seacrest. Howard asked if he has thought about going back. Larry said no. He said when the train comes to the last stop you get off. He said Colin Powell told him that.
Larry said he's been in the business for 57 years. He asked Howard how long he's been in it. Howard said since he was 20 so about 40 years. Larry said he's 80 now and he doesn't feel like it. He said he always thought he was going to die young like his dad did. He said he made it past 46 and that was amazing to him. He said he smoked and that was the worst thing for him. Howard said he used to smoke too. He said he had to stop. Larry stopped because of his heart attack. Larry said he was smoking 3 packs a day. Larry said he stopped that day when he had his heart attack. Larry said he used to smoke in the shower. Howard said he used to light one off the other.
Larry said he was living in Virginia and they had a snow storm. He said he had no cigarettes. He said hew as crawling on the floor looking for a butt. He said he went down to his car and the garage door wouldn't open because the snow was so high. He said he walked to the 7 Eleven. He said he got the cigarettes and lit up before he even paid. He said he understands addiction. He said he knows what it's like. He said he never liked alcohol though. He said he'll have a glass of red wine at dinner once in a while but that's it. He said he doesn't like liquor.
Howard asked Larry about interviewing Barbra Streisand. Larry said she was a great interview but she was tough to deal with off the air. He said she's a great interview. Larry said she's opinionated and fiery. He said that she has a sense of humor too. He said that Sinatra had all of those things too. He said when you break for a commercial Barbra is asking how she did and how she looks and how the room looks. Larry said he has interviewed her about 5 or 6 times. He said they went to her house one time and she told him to wear red to the house. Larry said he was on in L.A. and she got there 2 hours before he did. He said they re-lit the whole set. He said Barbra worried about everything. Larry said Barbra would change everything on the set. He said they were about to start the show and she saw some flowers that were all wrong. He just agreed with her and told the director they were all wrong.
Larry said he interviewed Streisand when no one knew who she was. He said that she was doing a play and she was married to Elliot Gould at the time. He said that they wanted to get him on the show. Larry said she sat down and told him that he was going to know her even though he didn't know her at the time. He said she was brilliant in film. Howard asked why she stopped. Larry said she's amazing in person. He said that she has such a gift with that voice. Robin said it must be hard to get out of the house with so many ticks.
Larry said James Brolin lets everything roll off him. He said that's what he needed being married to Barbra. Larry said that he has been to her house. He said years before he was married he was in Washington and he was in L.A. to do shows. He said he was invited over to her house and he thought it was for a party. He said it turned out to be just him. He said that she wanted to discuss politics. He said he likes her commitment and how professional she is when she's on. He said that he's the same way. Larry said once that light goes on Howard knows what he's doing.
Howard asked Larry what he thinks about Letterman retiring. Larry said he has been on the show a bunch of times but he doesn't know much about the man. He said that Carson was very anti-social and that's Dave's idol. He said he interviewed Carson once in the 1960s. He said Albert Brooks was on the Tonight Show 60 times and he never had a social moment with Carson.
Larry said he was on Letterman once and he gave him a hug. He said he whispered to him that he hated his tie. He said during the break he said he hated the tie and Larry asked if he wanted to switch ties.
Howard asked about Stephen Colbert and if it's true that he lost his virginity while listening to him on the air. Larry asked how he knew that. Howard said he just does. Larry said Colbert told him that he was in the back of a car listening to his show when he lost it. Howard said he knows it because he was the one Colbert lost his virginity to.
Howard said Larry wants to interview Bruce Springsteen but never had the chance. Larry said that he doesn't do many interviews. Robin said he does Jimmy Fallon. Larry said that Bruce has always said no. He said he always wanted to interview Fidel Castro too.
Howard asked Larry about being censored on his show. Larry said he has never been. He said that one time he was interviewing Ted Kennedy and he brought up Chappaquiddick but he wasn't told that they had an agreement to not talk about that. He said he brought it up and quickly moved on when he saw Ted's reaction. He said that he also wrote a letter to Ted when he got cancer and he got a nice note back from him.
Howard asked Larry about what it's like being 80. Larry said that he often wonders if he's going to wake up after going to sleep. Larry said he has a lot more interviews he wants to do though.
Larry said he was listening to the last interview and thought about how hard it was for him growing up. Larry said he grew up never even hearing the N-word. He said the only difference between white and black people is the pigment in their skin. He said he doesn't understand the prejudice. Larry said that he is the same way with gay people.
Larry said that he had Jerry Fallwell on the show. He said that Fallwell said to him that gays were unnatural. He said that he asked if they choose to be gay. Fallwell said they do. Larry asked why they would choose that. He said he asked Jerry why he was heterosexual. He said he didn't choose to do that. Larry said that you're born to like something. He said that you don't know why that is but it's just how we are. He said it must be engrained in you. He asked why religious people can't be open to him questioning their faith. Larry said that they say God created earth but he didn't give us penicillin or anything. He just threw us on the planet and let us go. Larry said that you
Larry said he thinks about how scary it is to not be alive. He said that's the ting that really scares him. Howard said it kind of sucks thinking about that. He said it just sucks to just not be. Larry said this is really great for the audience. He said people are driving off the road. Howard said he thinks about how miserable people are going to be without him around. He said he thinks the rest of the world is going to die with him.
Howard said Larry said that the worst guest he ever had was Robert Mitchum. Larry said he just said yep and nope. Larry said he'd leave him hanging with his questions. He said he'd ask him about Robert De Niro and he would say he has never seen him. Larry said he was able to turn him around though. He said he was in Miami broadcasting and they had these Aces convention down there. He said they meet to just have laughs. He said they found out they had an Ace in the area and he was going to do his show. Larry said he came in and told a story about shooting down 7 German planes in World War II. He said he introduced the guy and tried to interview him. He locked up and didn't have much to say. Larry said he was 2 minutes into the interview and he had nothing left. He said he asked if he was nervous. He said he was very nervous. He said the guy didn't know who was listening. Larry said he started to talk about fear and in 5 minutes he created a monster. He said he had to be dragged out of the studio. He said he took him into the sky.
Howard asked if he has a plan to be frozen when he dies. Larry said he does. He said the people who are involved in Cryogenics are a little odd though. Howard said Ted Williams had his head cut off for that. Howard said he heard it's resting on a tuna can. Larry said he did contact some people about this. He said you pay $150,000 and they freeze you upon death. Larry said he doesn't care if it's just his head or the whole body. Larry said if you don't believe, which he doesn't think he does, then the only way you can come back is if you're froze. He said if you're in the ground or burned then you're done for good. He said that if they do find a cure then maybe he can come back. He said his wife said he won't know anyone. Larry said he'll make new friends. Howard said if they made a movie about that he would go see it.
Robin asked if he thinks about how the whole world will have changed. Larry said he will exist though. He said that's what matters.
Howard said that Larry thinks that Chelsea Handler should have taken Letterman's spot. Larry said he was asked if she would be good. He said he thinks she would be good there. Larry said they haven't had a good female morning radio host or a solo woman TV host in the morning. He asked Howard if he knows why that is. Howard said radio is a weird medium. He said that he's spoken to his company about how talented people are leaving radio because they're not treated very well. He said they don't have a farm team and they need to do something like that. He said they have started to do that there. He said Dr. Laura has had her own show but it's not a morning show. Howard said that they don't think of this as a top medium. They end up on TV instead.
Larry said the one thing that radio has is automobiles. He said the beauty of radio is that you have to imagine what it's like in there. Larry said he describes Howard's studio and you have to make that anything you want hearing what he's seeing. Larry said he and Howard just walked out of the room and they're on top of the roof and everyone is gone. He said there's no one there in the city. Howard said maybe they're in a room banging Robin instead. Larry said that this is the difference between being 80 and being 60. He said he never would have said that.
Larry said he once asked Rod Serling about radio back in the early days. He said that the writing on radio was much better back then. He said they give you an idea and you make it what you want. He said in radio it's your castle.
Howard said that Larry is now on Ora.tv. Howard said that new episodes are on Monday through Thursday. Howard said that he's also on RT which is Russia Television. Larry said he has interviewed Putin and he thinks he's an interesting but tough guy. He said they don't bother him about his show though. He said that he doesn't work for them though. He said they just buy the show from Ora. He said that people thought that he was working for them and they were upset when the story first broke.
Larry asked Howard where he has traveled to. Howard said he went to London for work once. He said he stayed in his hotel room. Larry asked where he lives. Howard said he lives in the city. Larry asked if he goes to theater. Howard said he rarely does. Larry said he's going to see some plays.
Howard asked Larry about having Jennifer Aniston on with him and not asking about Angelina Jolie. Howard said Larry doesn't ask questions he's not going to get answers to. Larry said he doesn't want to hammer someone to the wall. He said he was never interested in who is sleeping with who. He said he doesn't care. Larry said if Howard fooled around with someone other than his wife last night he doesn't care. He said he cares about the life Howard lives though. He said that he wants him to do his internet show. He said he'll make it easy on Howard and bring the cameras there to his studio. Howard said he just sits at home and draws apples with pastels.
Robin asked Larry about the column he used to write. Larry said it's like Twitter. He said he does Twitter now. He said Jerry Seinfeld told him that he invented Twitter with that column. Larry said he just tweeted out this morning asking ''why do we say bless you when someone sneezes.'' He said that it's not a blessing. Howard said that it really is like his column that way. Howard asked Larry if he has a random thought now. Larry said he's wondering why he doesn't get out of his house. He said Howard Stern has matured. He said that he realized that at his birthday show. Howard said he still thinks farting is the funniest thing. Larry said the sound is funny but the smell is terrible.
Howard asked if he still masturbates at 80. Larry said rarely. Howard said that's what he has to look Howard to. He said that he was going to masturbate the other night and he wasn't able to finish. He said he was like taffy. He said he was sick of himself and he just gave up. Larry said that's what it's like at 80. He welcomed Howard to the club. Howard wrapped up after giving Larry some more plugs for his Ora.tv show.
Howard said it's fun talking to Larry King. He said he knows a lot of celebrities and he hangs out with them all. Howard said that he hangs. Robin said he knows them all. Robin said he may have known that guy from the Clippers. Howard said he knows everyone so he probably does. Howard said he wishes he could be that social. He said he wishes he could be that social. Robin said he's getting out more than he used to. Howard said that's true. Robin said Larry has always been that way. Howard said he envies that. He said just getting out is what he envies. Robin said she wishes she could enjoy herself when she goes out. She said she's exhausted by the end of the night. Howard said he's glad to hear that. He said he thought he was the only one.
Howard took a call from a guy who may have fallen asleep on the line. Howard gave up on that call and took one from Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann said she treasures her friendships that she has made on the show. Howard said he doesn't care. Mariann said they're doing more AGT tapings May 14-16. She said you can get tickets for free. Howard said that's another nightmare week for him. He said they're taping after the radio show in the morning. He said they promised him that they wouldn't do that to him but they ran into a scheduling snafu. Mariann said she'll be there. Robin said she'll be there too. Howard said if you can come out then do it.
Howard said they're having an audience there for the boot camp week. He said they've never done that before. He said he liked it better when they had no audience. Robin asked him to explain how they do that. Howard said if you can kill in a room with 4 people then you know they're good. He said that the audience shouldn't be there. Howard said it might turn out to be fun though. He said they've never done it and the change might be good. Howard said that they sent him some homework to do for the acts. He said he has to do that. He said the tapings will be at Chelsea Piers. Robin said it's not there. It's at Pier 92 or something like that. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he just waits for Ronnie to show up and bring him there.
Ronnie came in and said that it's at the piers in the 50s. He said it shouldn't take long to get there. He said they're there all day long on Thursday and Friday. He said he thinks Saturday he'll be out of there early. He should be out by 1. Howard said that's good. He said he won't complain about that.
Howard said he told Gary he doesn't want too many guests next week. He said he has to check in with Robin and he has a lot of bits and clips to play. He said he has songs about him and about Robin he has to play. He said he has a bunch of stuff he has to get to. He said Gary is going to work on that.
Gary said he had a piece of Sashimi and he bit down on it and his tooth came out. He said that he was going out with Ross and he felt this weird feeling in his mouth. He said Ross told him his tooth was gone. He said he saw it on the floor and he went into a panic attack. He said the dentist fixed it up for him last night and it was just the one guy doing it all. Howard said when the tooth shot out it made a big hole in the ground. Gary said he used the same tooth but he has to get a new one made. Gary said he thought they were going to have to knock him out to do it.
Gary said they were going to go to the Don Rickles tribute show but he had to go to the dentist instead. Gary said that the root canal wasn't painful at all. He said that it was one of his caps that came flying out. He said it didn't just fall out, it ended up 10 feet away. Howard asked if he felt lighter after it came out. Gary said he didn't want to gross everyone out. He said it hurts when you breathe. Gary said the dentist could see the nerve right there. Howard said Ross could have been injured from the tooth flying out.
Gary said that he doesn't get why people don't get their teeth fixed. He said it makes a huge difference when you are missing one. Howard said they probably just don't have money. Robin said she stopped next to a nice car once and she asked a guy what kind of car it was. She said the guy had like 3 teeth and a nice car. She wondered why he had a nice car but no teeth. Howard said you can see the picture of Gary's tooth at HowardStern.com. He did a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard said Animal House if funnier. He said Back to School is funnier. Jim asked about the farting scene in Blazing Saddles. Howard said that's just one scene. He said that Caddyshack is great other than the gopher shit. He said that he loved Stripes. Howard was asked about Porky's. Howard said that wasn't as funny. He said it's funny but not all that funny. Howard said The Jerk is great. Jim asked if he can get Steve to come on the show. Howard said he just went to dinner with him last weekend. He said he won't pressure the guy. He said he considers any opportunity to talk to him to be great. He said he did ask Steve to do it but he wasn't that interested. He said he listens to the show but he thinks he's nervous about it.
Howard said he thinks Steve's feeling is that he wouldn't be good on the show. He said Steve is more comfortable being in character. Howard said Steve is a really funny guy. He said he asked him to dinner and said he'd bring his banjo with him. He said he has a sense of humor about him goofing on that banjo.
Jim said he agrees with Howard about the Three Stooges. Howard said he's talking about Larry, Moe and Curly and not the rest of those guys. Howard said that Mel Brooks is funny though. He said Young Frankenstein is his best work though. Howard said this is all so subjective though. Robin said she even loves Space Balls. Howard said he thought he lost his mind when he made that. Howard said Young Frankenstein is genius.
Jim asked about History of the World Part 1. Howard didn't sound too excited about that. He thanked Jim for the call and let him go so he could get to the news.
Howard played a new song parody about Robin. It was to the tune of a Billy Joel song. Howard said that was Matt Evans checking in with that.
Robin read a story about Jay Leno coming out against the owner of the Beverly Hills Hotel. Robin said it's owned by the Sultan of Brunei. Robin had some audio of Leno talking about why he's against this. The Sultan has said that they are going to start enforcing sharia laws in Brunei and that's what everyone is up in arms over. Howard said if you own something like that you can't go around making laws like that. Howard said you have to use your head. Robin had another clip of Leno talking about how he hopes the guy changes his mind. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how rich people care about the inequality in our society. Robin said they say that a survey was done and rich people think that they should be taxed more. Howard said he agrees with that. Robin read the details of the study.
Robin read that there is a new card coming out from Wells Fargo that is called the Propel card. She said it's for big spenders or frequent flyers. Robin said they're trying to be like the Amex black card.
Robin read about Cheech and Chong possibly doing a new project together. Robin said Cheech Marin said they may reunite on film. Howard asked if guys that old can still do drug humor and get away with it. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said some of their movies were funny but it was hit or miss. He said their first comedy album was really funny.
Robin read a story about Michael Jordan admitting he was once a racist. Robin said he grew up in North Carolina and the KKK was big there. Robin said they used to sponsor little league teams down there. Robin said Jordan said he was against all white people at that time. Robin said this is in a new book that's coming out. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the circus act that failed and a bunch of people got hurt. Robin said one of the injured performers talked to Good Morning America. Howard said they were hanging by their hair in that act. Robin had Howard play some audio of the performer talking about how they are all expected to recover.
Robin asked Howard to play some audio but the clip was wrong. Howard said he had the same thing in two places. Robin asked if he had a song by Clay Aiken. Howard said he had one but Robin said it might be him talking. Robin said Clay Aiken is poised to win next week's democratic primary battle in his congressional district. Robin had some audio of Clay talking to a morning show.
Robin read a story about climate change and how the White House is denying that it's a scare tactic. Robin said they are stressing that it is occurring now and we are seeing the results. Robin said they are the results of man's impact on earth. Robin had a clip of President Obama talking about the problems we should expect to see in the future.
Robin read a story about how women who never sun bathe are more likely to die than those who sun bathe twice a day. Robin said they tracked women for 20 years in England and they found that you're twice as likely to die from not getting any sun. Howard said he gives up. He said he has been hiding under an umbrella. He said he wears a Sombrero. He said Robin has seen it. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the FDA warning that taking aspirin once a day can cause internal bleeding. Robin said that they say the negatives outweigh the positives. Howard said he knew this. He said he was told to take a baby aspirin and now he can't do it. He said he really doesn't know what to do. Robin said they say if you have had heart problems then you should take it. If you haven't had heart problems then don't take it. Howard said he's so confused. Robin said they say there isn't enough proof to show that it's a good thing to keep blood clots from happening. Howard said she's messing him up with that story.
Robin read a story about powdered alcohol. Howard said he's heard about that. Howard said Senator Schumer has come out against it. Robin said he's trying to keep it from getting to shelves. Robin said you can snort this product and they're afraid that it could be something kids could abuse. Howard said he's wondering who came up with that idea.
Robin read about the kidnapping of girls in Nigeria and how out of control it is. Robin had some audio of John Kerry talking about sending some experts over there to help with the problem. Robin had some audio of some people who are rallying to draw attention to the problem.
Robin read about how about 800 catholic priests have been defrocked for child molestation in the past 10 years. Howard said that sounds low to him. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said that they say about 3500 priests have been disciplined for that in the past 10 years.
Robin read a story about the 15 year old stowaway who was on a Hawaiian airline. He's been sent back to California. Robin said he survived being in the wheel well for 6 hours. Robin said he had very little oxygen and it was very cold in there. Robin said they think he may have been trying to get back to Africa to see his mother. Robin said they're trying to figure all of that out.
Robin asked if Mel Gibson should have his 2011 battery charge dismissed. Howard said no way. Robin said his lawyers are asking that it be wiped out now that he's served his sentence.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he disagrees with Robin on the baby aspirin thing. He said that they say it does outweigh the risk. Bobo said he still gets the advice from his doctor. Robin said this is new information and a brand new report. Howard said Robin is arguing with a guy who has an 80 IQ.
Robin had some audio of Sally Field and Julia Roberts cursing on Jimmy Kimmel's show last night. Robin had some clips of Emma Roberts on the show as well. They wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Ross said they went to his apartment and Gary was there taking a nap. He said he picked up some sushi and came home. He said they sat down to have some food and Gary was on the phone eating sushi. He said they were just starting to eat when Gary realized something happened. He said he saw Gary put his hand to his mouth and he had a look of shock on his face. He said he spit something out and there was his tooth. He said Gary smiled at him. He chuckled and he felt bad for the guy. He said Gary said he couldn't go to work like that but Ross said ''Oh yes you can.'' He said Gary called his wife Mary and then called his doctor. Ross said Gary called the dentist and said he'd see him in about an hour and a half.
Jon asked how you lose a tooth eating sushi. Ross said he has no idea. Ross said the tooth came right out. Jason said the picture is on HowardStern.com/fanzone. Jason said he feels bad for Ross because he was about to go out. Ross said he was the one who got Gary to go to it. He said he loves Don Rickles. He said Gary was kind of on the fence about it. He said he wanted to go home and spend time with his wife and kid. Ross said he told Gary he didn't have to go.
Jon said when that tooth comes out it's going to be merciless ball busting from then on. Gary came in around that time. Jon said he got a text from Gary with the missing tooth. Gary said that he was in a cab and he wasn't able to answer him. Jon said he did serve that picture up to the show. Gary said people get really personal with the pictures. He said one guy called him an animal and he looked at that guy's picture and he's a big fat guy.
Gary said the one thing that bothers him about the picture is that he had a filter on it. He said it was yellow so it made it look grosser.
Jon asked Gary if his first thought was the show. Gary said he thought he had to get it fixed. Gary said he really panicked. He said he had to get it fixed and Ross said he knew a guy. Gary said he didn't want a guy. He said he doesn't like going to the dentist so he likes going to someone he knows. He said he doesn't want to go to a stranger.
Jon asked Gary if he would have rather have waited a day before getting it done if he wasn't able to go to his guy. Gary said he is friends with 3 dentists so he would have gone to one of them. Jason said he loves that he has his dentist on speed dial. Gary said it's not on speed dial. He said he called Mary and asked her for the number.
Jon said he can understand losing a tooth on something hard but not sushi. Gary said it must have been ready to go. He said he's going to L.A. in a couple of weeks and he was afraid that it would have happened there. He said he's supposed to go to Vienna too. He said that would be the worst thing ever.
Jon asked Gary if he felt bad for ruining Ross' night. Gary said he thought about it the whole ride home. Ross said he told Gary not to worry about it. He said he didn't end up going to the event. Gary said the tickets were in his name only. He said that he tried to switch them over earlier in the day. He said that didn't work. Gary said that some of the worst nights and best nights have been with Ross.
Jon asked Gary how he expected Howard and Robin to react. Gary said he showed it to Howard and he hasn't that blown away. He said Robin was like ''Holy shit!'' Gary said that some people can't believe he released that picture to the public but that's what they do on the show. Ross said he told two people about it and his friend started laughing so hard they had to walk out of the restaurant. He said his wife started cracking up without even seeing the picture. Ross said the look on Gary's face was great. He said it was all great.
Gary said he told the woman who gave him the tickets to the Rickles thing what happened. He said he emailed her the picture to prove it. He said she sent him an email and said she wasn't sure if she should feel bad or laugh. Gary said he barely even knows this woman.
Jon said there doesn't seem to be a lot of concern for his well being there. Gary said it wasn't that serious. He said he could have eaten peanut butter and it could have fallen out. Jon said it could have happened if they had gone out to eat. Ross asked what he would have done if he wasn't able to find his tooth. Gary said he would have just had a temporary put in. Gary said he had a little baggie that Ross gave him for the tooth. He said his dentist told him he had to do a root canal and he got panicky. He said he would rather them not tell him what he was going to do. He said he told him exactly what he was going to do. He said it was about a 90 minute procedure.
Jon said that Gary said his nerve was exposed. Gary said that's what the dentist told him. He said when he was done he was starving. He said he hadn't eaten all day. He said this was the first piece of sushi that he put in his mouth that did it.
Gary said that without that tooth he's a whole different person. Ross said the most painful thing will be seeing that bill. Gary said he knows. He said he has dental but it's really bad. They went to break after that.
Gary said that show Intervention has an intervention at the end. He said at the beginning they are told they're part of a documentary. He said he wonders if they can go back and complain about that. He said Ronnie could go back and say that he thought it was a reality show and not a practical joke. Benjy said Ronnie could kind of be in on it. He said that he's going to tell strip clubs how to do things but not get into the accounting part of it. Gary said he could. Jon said he thinks that Ronnie is very involved and he knows what he's doing. Gary said that Ronnie could see they're spending money in the penny saver and tell them to stop wasting their money doing that.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks this is going to be a prank on him. Ronnie said he thinks the guy wants to make a show and he's not sure why he would risk that. Jon asked what he would be risking. Gary said that it could be something crazy like that. He said Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla goofed on a guy for 4 years to pull of a prank and make a movie out of it.
Ronnie said he's fine with it as long as he gets a paycheck out of it. Jon asked JD if he thinks Ronnie gets what they're saying there. Ronnie interrupted and said he's not an idiot. JD said he thinks Ronnie gets it.
Gary asked Ronnie if he would dress up as a woman like he did on Cougar Town just to get a check. Ronnie said he'd be fine with it. He said he got goofed on and he'd take more of that if he was being paid.
Ronnie said he doesn't get why Howie would risk the show by pulling a prank on him. Gary said that it could be a really big prank. Ronnie said he has seen the outline of the show. Gary said he's not understanding what he's getting at.
Jon said there was a show called Joe Schmo where this guy was pranked. Steve said he felt bad for that guy. He said he was a great guy. Jon pointed at Ronnie and Ronnie told him to stick his hand in his ass.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was looking at Gary's picture and he thinks he looks very Muslim in it. Gary said he gets that a lot. He said he has morphed off the Hispanic thing and into that. Gary said there is a guy in the Middle East who is a talking head and people compare him to that guy all the time.
Gary said someone once told him to stay out of their neighborhood ''you dirty Spic''. Gary said that was so jarring to him. He said he just kept going but he thought about explaining that he's Italian. He said when he lived in Spanish Harlem he went to buy bananas and the guy started speaking to him in Spanish a mile a minute. He said Natalie Morales thought he was a Chilean miner when he was on the show too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he is amazed that Gary hasn't been found swinging from a rope from all of the goofing he takes. Gary said he thought he was going for a monkey joke at first. He tanked him for not doing that.
The caller said he is getting tired of the constant Wack Pack regular callers on the show. Gary asked if he's sick of it from being shut out by it or because he's just annoyed. The caller said it's the same shit over and over with Mariann and Bobo and those people. Gary said he doesn't like King of All Blacks in general as a person but he enjoys hearing him on the air once in a while. He said he did a great thing this morning when Ronnie said King wants to be famous and he just deflected and brought up asking questions about a car.
Gary said High Pitch Eric gets on his nerves but he loves him as a caller. Benjy said he is really into Mariann and he feels her emotion and love and he likes that.
Jon said that Bobo will hang on for four hours and he has developed a character. Benjy said that Wheels and Tommy from Malden were interesting too. Gary said it was interesting with Wheels because he has such a relaxed voice. He said when he went through that whole thing today he forgot that he's that guy. Benjy said his voice is very relaxed and he's one of those guys who sounds like he can do anything.
Jon said Howard does a good job balancing it all out. He said you'll hear him pick up a bunch of people, not just the regulars. Gary said some of the regular callers have been really bad lately. He said someone called in yesterday and the guy was on speaker phone. Steve said he thinks it's all due to the etiquette. He said the regulars will hold for hours and they know not to be on speaker phone. Steve said he will just hang up on people who are on bad phones. Gary said a lot of people will pick up as soon as Howard picks up. He said that guy yesterday spoke to Howard for like 2 minutes on speaker phone.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what Ronnie will do if the strip clubs are male strip clubs. Ronnie said he doesn't care. He said he'll fix those too. Ronnie said if this is the show he thinks it will be they'll be doing the whole club and not just the people who work there. He said Bar Rescue is like that. He said he's assuming that's the way they're going to do it.
Gary said he thinks that it'll be like this. He said that Ronnie will pick out the girls who have to go and kick them out. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie what he likes. Ronnie said he likes all of the Police Academy movies. He said the Hangover movies are great too. Gary said he ended up talking to Steve Gutenberg the other night after the White House Correspondents dinner.
Jon asked Ronnie which Police Academy movie was the best. Ronnie said they all made him laugh. He said he likes all 6 of them. He said he likes the first Hangover.
JD said he likes Kentucky Fried Movie and Airplane 2. He said that's just as funny as the first one. Jon disagreed.
Benjy said he likes the movie Animal House and Blues Brothers. He said his all time favorite is the Ray Charles scene in the Blues Brothers. Gary said Animal House was a big one for him. Jon said he thinks Animal House holds up well.
Shuli said that Easy Money was great too. He said that's a classic. Jon said there are so many they could list. Gary said The Holy Grail is another one. Benjy said he loved the first Borat movie.
Jon took a call from a woman who said Jon seems like he's antagonizing the guys balls on the show. She said that he's doing that with Ronnie a lot too. Ronnie said that's because he's sitting behind the board now and he has a whole other persona. He said he thinks he's like Howard now. Benjy asked Jon if he feels any differently lately. Jon said not at all. The caller said it makes sense if he's behind the board. She said his attitude has changed a lot the past few days.
Jon said he'll answer her since she did ask him. Jon said if you listen to the show Ronnie will often not answer or stay silent. He said maybe he's taking it out on him that way. He said he doesn't think that he's treating Ronnie any differently. The caller said that he was antagonizing him yesterday just for fun. Ronnie said Jon is a big cock sucker.
Gary said there is a second level there. He said there are questions that Jon will ask that he knows the answer to and Ronnie won't answer. Jon said that is true. He said he will stop being so antagonistic if the caller isn't happy about that.
Jon said Larry talked about smoking and Howard did too. He said Howard used to smoke 4 packs a day. Gary said it seems crazy now that he's so healthy. Jon said Larry had a heart attack and he stopped smoking. Jon said Gary used to smoke too. He said Scott struggles with it too.
Gary said he understood where you light one up before you even pay for it. He said it's like eating on line at the supermarket.
Shuli said that there are people who put one in their moth before they get off the train or the plane. Gary said that you run once you get off the plane.
Jon asked Ronnie if he smoked. Ronnie said he did when he drank. He said he did it when he was a kid too. Jon asked when he stopped. Ronnie said he still grabs one here and there. He said last time he did it was maybe 6 months ago when they were doing the block party. Jon thanked him for answering him straightforward.
Jon said they heard from Richard Williams today too. He said he was fully aware of his craziness but he didn't seem to regret it at all. He said he could sort of see where he was coming from. Gary said making your kids serve your will is never good. He said that you have to let them be their own person. Jon said his argument would be that he put them in a position to make their lives better. He did move them to Compton though. Gary said Jon knows people who put their kids in that position all the time and it doesn't work. He said they end up with a 20 year old who doesn't know what to do.
Benjy asked if they would be that upset with someone who does that academically. Gary said he thinks that's just as unfair to the kid.
Benjy said his parents were really supportive of what he wanted to do at an early age. Gary said that's one thing but what if they wanted him to hoola hoop until midnight every day.
Gary said he told a story to Howard about Andre Agassi's father off the air. He told the guys how Andre's father took the second place trophy and asked if he knew where that belonged and then threw it in the garbage. Gary said that's just wrong. They spent another minute on that and then wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:10am.
Gary said he got a speeding ticket on Monday and then his tooth fell out on Tuesday. He said his wife is upset with him over something and this just isn't a good week. He said it's been a bit difficult. He said he was in the car for an hour and 45 minutes this morning too. Jon said people will say that he has the best job in the world though. Gary said he can hear them saying ''Wah!'' now. He said he probably deserves that.
Jon said the good thing is that he got to listen back to the Louis C.K. and Seth Rogen interviews this morning. He said that Louis C.K. was talking about how he has full creative control over his show. He said the network doesn't even see his stuff until he turns it in. He said he wonders if he'll remain a regular guy like he says he is. Gary said he thinks that he can keep that going. He said he can pick and choose the things he wants to do. Gary said Louis was talking about how he has a boat and Howard called it a yacht. Gary said he did admit it's a 43 foot yacht. He said he doesn't see him putting on the captain's hat though. He just likes the serenity of it.
Jon said Louis told Howard he takes his kids to karate class. He wondered if you can blend in like that. Gary said Louis talked about something he feels the same way about. He said he goes to the school and helps out and he's just a regular guy there. Gary said he did the same kind of thing. He said he felt he was more coach Dell'Abate or Jackson's dad than he was that guy from the Howard Stern show. Jon said some people will stand off and not participate. Gary said he's seen that. He said he knew a big business owner and a guy who was big in sports. He said they stood off to the side. He said he gets that. He said the guy just wants to go watch his kid. He said he thinks there is a middle ground to that though.
Jon asked Gary if he can talk to those guys because he can relate to that. Jon said he avoids people like that because it's their time and he doesn't want to bother them. Gary said he'll do that too until there's an opening. He said he introduced himself to that business owner and once he knew who he was he was much more open. He said he can see why he'd want to be left alone. He said he saw him maybe 5 Saturdays in a row before he said anything to him.
Jon said people want to talk to Howard too when he's out. He said he'd love to talk to everyone but he can't do that. He said you can't miss Howard out on the street. He said he goes over and above to talk to people. Gary said he'd rather not be doing that though. He said there are some people who like it and some who realize they just have to do what they have to do. He said if you're a celebrity you have to deal with people. Gary said there were people at the correspondents dinner and they were there without their people. He said some of them know that they have to talk to people and just handle it.
Gary said sometimes people are just assholes. He said he sometimes feels for the people. He said they can lose their mind when they see him. He said that they start to go crazy. Jon asked if that has happened to Gary. Gary said he has seen people bust through when they see Howard out somewhere. Gary said people are always very nice to him when he's out. He said he's told a story before about Mary being pregnant and they were out eating dinner. He said this guy came over and started talking to him. He said Mary sarcastically said ''Why don't you pull up a chair and sit down.'' and the guy did it. Gary said he told the guy he thinks she was just kidding and the guy had a shocked look on his face. He said he eventually got it an apologized.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if people cling to Gary when he's out. He also asked if he can tell when people are just making stuff up to be close to him. Gary said there are times when people will get into a lot of detail and ask a lot of questions. He said you have to realize that the person is at a kid's game and they may not want to talk. Jon said he has seen people hover and they keep their distance and never come up. He said you almost want them to come up and say something. Gary said he has seen that and his wife and kids have seen it too.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Gary and Jon to go out to Scores or something to lighten up. Gary said that's not really his thing anymore. He said that would not bring him joy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the whole thing with the Louis C.K. boat is interesting because Louis did Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee on his boat. He said that he told a really funny story about getting stuck in the river.
Gary said Stuttering John bought a boat one time and he didn't take any lessons about how to do it. Gary said John came to visit him from Long Island to Connecticut and he was an hour and a half late coming in. He said John's wife was white knuckled and John thought he had hit something out in the water. Gary said that he has a friend who has a boat and he hates it. He said all of the fun is gone when you're the captain too because you can't drink and you're responsible for everyone on board.
Jon said he loves going out on the water but you can't use the boat all year long. Gary said he has friends who have a boat and they just go to it and sit on it to drink coffee and read the paper.
Gary said he'd like to know what Howard's experience on boats is that makes him hate them so much. Gary said he enjoys going out with his friend who takes him out on his boat. Gary said he has a great time but his friend tells him that when he first got it he didn't know how to park the thing. Jon said Louis was talking about how it took him a year to learn to drive his boat.
Benjy said he loves Louis' stand up and he thinks that he's a very technical guy. He said he thinks he uses that for figuring things out. He said he's the one who figured out how to get his comedy special up on the web and all of that.
Jon said when he saw Louis show for the first time he didn't get it. He said it's really an exceptional TV show. Gary said there were parts of it he didn't like and parts he loved. He said that the show is kind of sad at times too. He said it's not feel good but it is interesting. He said he watched the first one where he goes on the field trip with his kids and it's awesome. He said it's nothing like regular TV though. Jon said people should be watching it.
Benjy said he just started getting into it and he just saw the field trip episode and it was funny when the bus got stuck in Harlem and he had the black kids sit on the outside near the windows and the white kids on the inside. They spent a minute talking about Louis' previous show on HBO before they went to break.
Gary said he thinks that the most gratifying things people say are that they've been listening a long time and that they can't get through the day without them. Gary said he also hears stories about people who had a dad who died and how they helped them through something.
Benjy said that it's great that they're so recognized even though the TV show wasn't that out there. Gary said they were on E! for 19 years and they ran back to back shows. He said they ran from 11 to Midnight and after 19 years of that he was shocked where people would recognize him. He said that it would be someone who wasn't a big fan. He said they'd just move on when he said he was from the Howard Stern Show.
Benjy said he's had his voice recognized on the phone with someone who didn't know him. Gary said he's had that too.
Jon said there are people who hear you but they don't associate your face with the voice. He said that he knows that happens to JD all the time. JD said ''I guess.'' He said Jason told him a story about someone stopping him and saying that he looked way different than they imagined. JD said the guy thought Jason was JD. Jon asked how JD handles that level of fame. JD told him to shut up. Jon said he gets less than JD does. JD said he was out on the street yesterday and got recognized twice. He said that doesn't happen often.
Gary said he sat next to Pete Dominick the whole night at the correspondents dinner. He said that he and Pete walked by Secret Service and one of the guys said into his sleeve ''Baba Booey is on his way.'' Gary said he thought that was pretty cool.
Jon asked JD if he notices people hovering around him but not coming up to him. JD said sometimes that happens. He said he has a paranoid personality to begin with. He said he starts wondering if they recognize him or something. Then he feels like a douche bag. He said that he was at a 5 Guys once and a guy was sitting and eating. He said the guy looked at him and he wondered if he recognized him. He said he kept looking at him. He said he put his phone up and started to take a picture. He said then he walked out. He said he's not sure if he recognized him or not.
Gary said he's used to people saying hi and that they love the show. Gary said he'll have people wave to someone behind him and he says hi and they think he's just an oddball.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what you're supposed to do if you see them on the street. Gary said there are 5 answers for that. He said there's a different answer for everyone on the show. He said he would leave Howard alone. Benjy asked what his goal is. The caller said you want to be natural. Gary asked what he would hope to get out of it when he sees Howard on the street. The caller said that's a good question. He said he's a long time fan. He said he might just say hello and keep on moving. He said if he's at a venue or something he might want to have a longer interaction. He said if Howard is on the street he wouldn't hold him up.
Jon said you have to consider the circumstance. He said if Howard is having a conversation you don't interrupt. He said Howard's rules are different than everyone else's.
Benjy said you just keep walking by and say ''Hey now'' and keep going. He said that's the way to handle it. Gary said that's like a secret password.
Gary said he was talking to Diane Sawyer the other night and she's a very interesting person. He said he's a big fan. He said he would love to talk to her but if she was in a restaurant he would never bother her. He said her assistant knew who he was and he introduced the two of them. He had an opening and went for it because he'd like to get her on the show.
Benjy asked Gary why the Vanity Fair party was so important to him. Gary said that's where all of the A-list celebrities are. He said they're there without their agents and PR people.
Gary said he loves the show Real Sports and it's right up there with 60 Minutes. He said he was in a restaurant and Bryant Gumbel stopped him and asked him about the show. He said he was so mad that he forgot to tell him how great Real Sports is. Jon said maybe some day he'll get to do that. They went to break after that.
Gary said he doesn't do many personal appearances anymore. He said he once went after a guy with a beer bottle. He said he was at a beer fest signing autographs. He said you go around and get beer to drink. He said a guy came up and spiled his beer all over his pants. That didn't bother him. He said he felt like the guy did it on purpose. He said about a half hour later the guy did the same thing. He said he was a less better actor and he pushed it right over. Gary said he picked up a bottle and threatened to go after him. He said that his friends had to hold him back.
JD said that he had one guy at a Block Party come up to him and he wanted him to sign jizz rags because he had talked about that stuff on the air.
Gary said he has a picture hanging on his wall of an appearance he made where Pogo the Clown was doing one after him. He said he was at this appearance and this guy wanted him to bite a toilet bowl wax ring. He said he wouldn't do it and the guy was upset about it. Gary said there are people who ask him to sign his first pitch picture and things like that. He said they get abusive about it while you're signing it. Gary said they say he looks like a cunt throwing it and things like that.
Benjy said he was on a train once and a guy came up to him and sat next to him. He said he was on the phone with his dad and the guy started smiling at him. He said he wasn't sure if he was retarded or something. Benjy said he got off the phone with his dad and this guy was just really excited to be there. He said he was sitting there smiling and he was smiling back.
Jon said he wants to talk about the hierarchy of callers they have on the show. Jon said that they sort of pushed Bobo into saying which callers he doesn't like. Gary said he thinks that Bobo is like the caller who is known the best as a caller. Jon said that Mariann and King of All Blacks are up there too. Gary said that when Mariann said that Bobo steals her lines he wanted to know more about that. Jon said he thinks that Mariann talked to Bobo about the Letterman thing and that's what Bobo brought up on the show. Steve said that Bobo calls the regular listener line and he doesn't get through on the other lines. He said King calls the office. JD said he can see Bobo making ''#1 Caller'' t-shirts.
Gary said the movie The King of Comedy was made way before its time. He said there are scenes in it that could be Bobo or Mariann. Benjy said that Bobo's name is fun to say and he's wondering if they gave him that name or if he came up with it. Benjy said Howard knows what he's going to get when he picks up on Bobo.
Jon took a call from Tommy in Malden who said Bobo takes it to the extreme but he's a great guy. He said the whole thing with Wheels started when he tweeted to him ''Good call.'' He said they had a fight on Twitter about a year and a half ago. He said it was all over him making a good call. He said that Wheels says he doesn't want friends so that's why he's on Twitter instead of Facebook. Gary said he didn't get that whole thing. Steve said he gets it. He said Tommy will call him and say ''Great job today.'' He said he doesn't need to hear that. Steve said he has no business telling him that.
Gary asked Tommy how many times he's been on the air. Tommy said it's over 100. He said he has a recorder where he kept them and he had over a hundreds on there. He said he stopped recording them though. He said once you're on a few times it's like being at a baseball game and getting a few fly balls. He said once you get a few that's enough.
Jon asked if he remembers his favorite call. Tommy said he does. He said it was when he called in about Artie's girlfriend's dad dying or something and he asked if he died of embarrassment. He said Artie wasn't even able to come back with anything because he was such a mess at the time.
Shuli said he used to tape all of his calls too. He said one of his favorite calls was when he called in with some sample questions for the Newlywed Game and Howard made him the guest host on the phone. He said he was in Vegas at the time and that went on for like 15 minutes. He said he was writing questions while they were answering the last question.
Gary asked Tommy if he goes out and has people know who he is. Tommy said there are fans who know who he is. He said that Mariann is the best and she was great to talk to. He said Joey Boots kind of blew him off though.
Gary asked Shuli if he was recognized from calling in. Shuli said he wasn't and his friends wondered why he would call in. He said he would do a lot of Casino shows in front of old people in Vegas. He said they would introduce him as being from the Howard Stern Show and that would make them turn on him.
Tommy said he loves the Howard Stern Show and he thinks it's the best entertainment show of all time. He said that he hears himself on the replays and that's great because he's a part of something that's so big.
Gary asked Tommy what he does that allows him to call in. Tommy said he's not working now. He said he has some of the Wack Pack credentials. Gary asked if he's on SSI. Tommy said he is. He used to be a truck driver. Benjy asked if he's incapacitated. Tommy said he is in some way. Gary asked if it's physical. Tommy said it's mental. Gary said he knew a guy who was a disabled Korean veteran and it was all mental.
Benjy asked if he enjoys getting the money or does he really think he can't get a job. Tommy said he doesn't think he can get a job. He said he is trying. Shuli said he doesn't come off as a wack packer to him. He said he's met him. Gary said he may not come off to mental. Benjy told him it was a good call. Jon let Tommy go after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Mariann is on the news all the time talking about Fred getting a hair cut and freaking out about that. He said that it's always what Mariann's response is and you end up hating it. He said he listens to the show every day but it gets to be too much. Benjy asked if he has jealousy toward her. The caller said he doesn't at all. Jon asked what callers he does like. The guy said he likes that guy Jesse who pissed off Jay Thomas. He said he likes Sour Shoes too. He said he doesn't hear him on the news constantly. Gary said the news is going for this person who lives and breathes the show more than they do. The caller said he could give them the same about of comments. Benjy asked how he feels about Gary's toes. That led to Gary saying that he's cured now from his toe fungus. He said he has been cured before and he has never announced it to Howard. He said he gets cured and it will come back. Jon said it was time to end the show after that. He got an update from Shuli for the Howard 100 News that's going to air today. They ended the show around 11:05am.
Gary said people like to hear those strange stories. He said he has his tooth back in and he will send out another one when his new tooth is done. He said he isn't that upset about the picture.
Benjy said he was surprised by the Vanity Fair story. He said he thinks that would have been hard to tell. Gary said with that story it wasn't embellished. He said he doesn't think a lot of people saw him standing out there. He said he wasn't shut out of the party. He said he got to the point where no one would have gotten in. He said he wasn't in a car and no one out of a car was going to get in. Gary said he felt goofy about it but he felt it was a funny story. Jon said he thinks that Howard thought it was odd that Gary was walking away and people saw him walking away from the party. Gary said he's not sure they saw that it was him.
Jon asked if he regrets going to the party. Gary said he does regret trying to get into the party. He said if he knew what it was he wouldn't have tried to get in. Gary said he was going to get material for the show and that's what drove him to go. He said he thought about the stories he might have for the show.
Jon said today is a special day. He said that it's his anniversary. It's the anniversary of Gary's pitch. He said they have coverage all over Howard 101 all weekend. He asked Gary if it still eats at him. Gary said the day after it did. He said now it still does but just a little bit. He said the percentage is insanely lower. Gary said there are many people who have thrown it better than he did. He said he gets videos sent to him all the time. He said he has a much better sense of humor about it now. He said he can laugh at it. Gary said he's real on the air and he could have pretended it didn't bother him. He said he was being honest and said it bothered him.
Jon said Gary had done it before but it didn't turn out like that. Gary said he showed his son Jackson the Nolan Ryan pitch and he told him that his was still worse.
Gary said that he went to the shrink about the pitch and he was asked what the big deal was if it didn't go well. He said that it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Gary said he hasn't seen the guy since though.
Gary said there were two things that sent it over the edge for him. He said it was Artie going at him every day. He said that he was calling him a fucking pussy and things like that. He said he should have just said fuck you to him. He said the other thing was that they went to Citi Field and he was supposed to practice but it was raining. He said there was another regular guy there who threw a 75 MPH pitch in the perfect spot. He said that threw him off too.
Gary said Benjy came to him trying to support him. Benjy said he can understand why it would be upsetting to him. He said they were fucking around after their meeting yesterday and he sucked at throwing a paper ball. Gary said what happened was Jason made a ball out of paper and he had everyone try to replicate his pitch. He said Sal was doing it like a monkey. Jon said Sal can't pitch at all. Gary said Benjy threw his and it wasn't that bad. He was completely winded after doing it though. He said Benjy was laughing already and that made him laugh even more.
Jon asked Gary who he thinks gave him the hardest time. Gary said it's probably Sal. He said that Jon and Will could have been much worse but they weren't that bad. Jon said he and Will were there at the game. Jon said he was on the third base side but he couldn't see how bad it was. He said Will was on the other side so he saw it.
Benjy asked if it all built up really bad right after the game or much later. Gary said it came right after. He said two things happened after that really sent him into a tailspin. He said he wrote about this in his book. Gary said people have two ways of talking about that chapter. He said some people love it and some wonder why he spent 20 pages talking about something so stupid.
Gary said around 6:25 that night he got a text from their friend Booker. He said that he told him that they showed it on the news that night. He said that was weird itself. Then the next day he was laying around moping and Mary told him to get over it. He said he turned on the pre-game for the Mets and though they might show it. He said they didn't show it. Then they started the game and they said ''Here's what you missed yesterday.'' He said he knew it was going to be bad. He said they didn't show it in the pre-game but they did show it in the game.
Will Murray came in and said he was at the game and did see Gary's pitch. He said that he saw Gary bow his head and he knew it went bad. He said he couldn't tell quite how bad it was from where he was sitting though.
Gary said he was going back and forth between a fast pitch or lobbing it. He said he went and did both. Gary said he was so nervous that he just closed his eyes hoping it would go where he was trying to get it. Jon said it didn't get there. Gary said he knows.
Jon said some people thought that it was a goof. Gary said one of the guys who works on another show was in the elevator with him that Monday and he asked if it was a goof. Gary said it wasn't and the guy just said ''C'mon...'' and walked off the elevator.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary could have walked away feeling pretty confident. He said he is harassed and bullied all the time and he's doing just fine. He said he should be looked up to. He said forget what Sal has to say.
Gary said that Sal can say what he wants but at the end of the day he's above him. He said they all know who the happier human is. Jon said they do live different lives once they leave there. Will said Sal can't goof on Gary about his pitching. He said that he can't pitch at all.
Jon said he thinks most people can throw half decently. He finds it odd when you can't throw at all. Gary said they have a new assistant there and she was sitting on the other side of the room. He said she threw a bag of pistachios to Jason and she threw a perfect strike. He said they were all wondering about it.
Steve said that some people thought Sal was goofing on Gary when he threw that ball so bad. He said the other half of the room knew it was just a bad throw.
Gary said they had a TV across the room and they told Sal to just hit it from across the room. He wasn't able to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary what has been the worst to deal with of all of the things he's done. Gary said the pitch. He said the teeth are the things he owns. He said the pitch is something he would choose not to do again.
Benjy asked Gary if he would try to erase it if he could. Gary said he was called to do another pitch for a charity. He said he wasn't going to do that. Gary said someone pitched him a show called The Redemption where he'd go back and try to do it again. He said he thinks he's just done. He said he's getting older and he's just done. He said it's a lot of work mentally that he doesn't think he has to do again. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Benjy and Jon asked why he was allowed to try soccer and not baseball. Sal said there was an African American child... Gary cut him off and asked why he had to mention that. Sal said he was giving them a plug. Sal said that he did soccer for a week and he just wasn't good at it. He said it was immediately after school and he didn't have to work. He said he was able to try soccer and it just wasn't his thing. Jon said most kids are out playing ball outside at a young age. Sal said where he grew up there was nothing. He said he wasn't allowed to go outside and play with the kids. He said there was one kid he was allowed to play with. He said what they used to do was pick chestnuts and play hide and seek. He said he wasn't allowed to ride his bicycle in the street so he had to do that in the back yard. He said his parents really sheltered him. Benjy said Jimmy Fallon tells a similar story. Sal said that they had to ride their bikes in the back yard and it was ridiculous. He said this kid, Louis, ended up stealing his bike. He said he just vanished and they never came back with the bike. He said he heard he was using it to run away from home.
Jon asked Sal when he got to go out and do the rapping thing and all of that. Sal said he was able to do that but he had to work on the weekends. He said his dad would drop him off at teen clubs at times. He said that it was always after hours though.
Jon asked Gary if that makes it excusable that he can't throw a ball. Gary said that he thinks that's just an excuse for Sal not wanting to play sports. Gary said Sal just didn't have the desire to play so it didn't exist for him. Sal said his parents never made him aware of anything. Gary said that he made it sound like there were no balls in his town. Sal said there were none in his home. He said there weren't any baseballs in the house. Gary said he finds that odd. He said Italians like baseball. He said he's surprised it wasn't known in the house.
Jon asked if anyone in his family liked baseball. Sal said his grandfather Sal loved the Yankees. He said he was named after him. He said that he didn't become aware of that until he was like 16 years old. Sal said they'd go to his grandmother's house after closing up the hoagie place. He said she'd be sitting outside because his grandfather would be inside watching baseball. Sal said they'd pull up to the house and Grandma was outside and the lights were off inside and out. He said his grandfather had to see just the TV screen. Benjy was cracking up at the story. Sal said they'd walk into the backyard and Grandma would shush them because Grandpa was watching the game. Sal said they'd say a quick hello to his grandfather and then they'd leave. Benjy asked if he didn't know what the game was. Sal said he knew. Sal said his grandfather was a really nasty man.
Gary said he had an uncle who didn't speak any English at all. He said he was watching a Met game and he wasn't able to speak English at all. Gary said he was saying something and making a swing movement. He said he was trying to say Cincinnati and it came out ''Cheechinad, Cheechinad.''
Sal said the one sport he did watch was professional wrestling. Gary said that is not a sport. Sal said they watched it and his grandmother was allowed to watch it too. He said the whole family did. He said that she wasn't allowed to watch baseball though. He said maybe she was a jinx. Sal said his grandfather would tell her to lose weight before she talks and thins like that. He said that he was really nasty. Now that he thinks about it maybe his grandfather thought of her as a jinx.
Gary asked Sal about football and other sports. Sal said there was nothing really. He said he almost got throw out of a Mets game when he was yelling at people. He said people told him to yell stuff at the players. He said he did that and this guy Mackey Sasser was playing. He said his friend told him to get off the bottle. He said what he didn't know was that he had just gotten out of rehab. He said he yelled it out and a manager told him he'd throw them out if he said that again. Sal said he also yelled at Eddie Murray that he was Eddie Murphy. Sal said he came up with that on his own. Sal said that Bobby Bonilla threw him a ball at the end of the game.
Gary said he thinks that Mackey Sasser was way before those other guys Sal was talking about. Gary said Mackey had an OCD thing and he had to tap the ball twice in his glove before throwing it so he always had guys stealing on him. They went to break a short time later.
Will asked Sal if he knows how many players there are in baseball. Sal named as many of the players as he could. He knew how many outs there were. He knew the innings and how many strikes it takes to get you out. Sal thought 3 balls made a walk. He thought 4 fouls made a strike. Sal said he played in gym class. He said that didn't go so well. He said he was so bad that the coaches made him a captain. He said he'd never get picked if he wasn't a captain. He said he just sucked at it.
Gary said that he was exposed to the game though. Gary asked if he had no exposure at all in grade school. Sal said they played crab soccer and things like that in grade school. He said that they would play parachute and run around and stuff. He said he doesn't remember playing baseball. He said they played dodge ball though. He said he sucked at that too. He said he would try to get thrown out as quick as he could in that game. Sal said he would look for a guy who threw like he did so he could get out and not get hurt.
Jon asked Sal more questions about baseball. Sal knew some details. JD was laughing at a lot of what he was saying. Jon asked if he knows what a sacrifice fly is. Sal said there must be someone trying to get out to get in someone stronger behind them. Jon asked him to explain more. Sal was trying to figure it out and came up with an explanation that was a sacrifice and it wasn't that far off. Gary said it's a logical thing to explain.
Gary asked if he knows what a grand slam is. Sal said that's something they serve at Denny's. He actually knew what it was. They asked if he knew what ERA stood for. Sal said that's what Kennedy says.
Will talked about how bad JD can be at softball. Gary said he played once with them and it was in the 90s temperature. He said he ran home and he had to stand under a tree. He said his whole face was red from running.
Sal said he got his son in little league because he didn't want him to go through what he did. He said his son had to get out after a couple of weeks. He said that he wasn't that good and he was out in the field doing helicopters. He said now he plays football. Will asked what position he plays. Sal said he thinks he's a nose guard. Gary said that doesn't sound right. Sal said that it actually is right. He said he plays both offense and defense. He tried to explain what position he is in defense. Sal wasn't sure what it was called.
Gary said he's going to bring in a book he bought for his wife that is made just for chicks to learn football. Gary said he's going to bring that to Sal on Monday.
Sal said he actually knows his son is the one who snaps the ball to the quarterback. He didn't know what position that is. The guys helped him out and Sal finally figured out he was a center. He said on defense he was defensive end. Sal said he's at every game taping it and cheering him on.
Sal said his son was in little league and the ball was hit in his direction. He said he was terrified to throw the ball. He said he threw the ball and hit the kid pitcher on the shoulder. He said he felt bad about that. He said after that he stood all the way in the back. He said petrified that the ball would come his way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal is the kind of guy that he wants to punch in the face. He said that he compares himself to Gary. Sal said that's because Gary can't throw. Jon asked if he really thinks he can. Sal said no. He said that maybe in a relaxed environment he could. Gary said he thinks Sal cares so little that he could throw better at a stadium. Sal said he's probably right.
Jon said JD has sports ability. He asked if he was ever picked last. JD said he was picked in the middle or last. He said sometimes it was last. Will said he's not that good compared to his friends. He said he's better than most of the guys there at work though. Benjy said he was never picked and the teacher would make them pick him. He said he wrestled and hoola hooped but he knows that's not really a sport.
Gary said on the show he and Benjy wrestled and he rolled him and it was so much fun. Benjy said he would love to do that again if he got into shape. Gary said he should have been able to tie him up and pin him that time.
Jon said he wanted to wrap up the show. He had Shuli do a quick Howard 100 News preview. He mentioned that Taylor from TSS-Radio.com still has the Baba Booey baseball and he has said that he'd be willing to give it up to a new owner. Gary said he knows he paid like 18 grand for that ball and he wonders if it has gone down or up in value. They spent a minute talking about that and then got in their plugs and ended the show. They were done around 11:10am.