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Playboy Cyber Club
The Beetlejuice Song. 06/17/05. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Jim Florentine ''Terrorizing Telemarketers'' phone call, Howard Stern and The Losers performing ''Wipe Out'' on Magic Johnson's show.
Howard started off the morning trying to sing the Beetlejuice song. He had some music that they used for Beetlejuice to sing along to one time and sang the lyrics to the music. He also played the version where Beetlejuice sang along. Howard said it's a tough song to sing. He heard Fred singing it after their meeting after the show yesterday. Fred said it's a pretty catchy song. Howard tried to sing it again and seemed to be getting it pretty good. Richie from E! came in and said that it's the most addictive song he's heard and the guys back in the production room are always singing it. Richie sang along to the song for a short time and knew a lot of the lyrics. Howard sang a little more and replayed Beet's version. Richard Christy came in and told Howard that he and Sal were recording Beetlejuice doing a song one time and that's when Beet sang this melody that he wrote some music for. That's where the song came from. Richard sang along to the song a little bit after that and he knew the lyrics pretty well. Howard sang a little more and Robin wondered if Beetlejuice was able to sing the lyrics twice like they are in the song. Richard said he only sang it once, he just looped it. Richard made sure to say that it was he and Sal who did the song because they both credit each other when they do bits for the show even if they both didn't work on it together.
Howard asked Richard if he's jammed with Fred at all yet because Fred is a good guitar player. Richard said he'd love to do that sometime. Richard told Howard that they've tried to get Beetlejuice to sing other songs since that performance but he won't do it. Howard said they probably need to get him drunk and back into the studio. He figures that if they put him in a recording studio with a few hot interns and got him drunk, he might sing.
Doody Discussions. 06/17/05. 6:15am
Howard talked about how he has problems sleeping when Beth isn't home with him. She was out at a party last night so he had trouble falling asleep. He said she went to the party with Billy Joel's wife Katie Lee Joel. They've become friendly lately. Howard had to take an Ambien to get to sleep. He watched ''Hit Me Baby One More Time'' before that so he spent a few minutes talking about Wang Chung's performance on the show. He said they performed ''Dance Hall Days'' and a cover of Nelly's ''Hot In Here.'' He said the guys in the band have gotten fat and they look like they're 80 years old. Howard said he's got to be older than those guys but they look so much older than he does. Gary said that most of the guys that have been performing seem to have lost their hair and that doesn't help their look. Howard played some audio clips from the show where Wang Chung were performing their cover song and it was pretty bad.
Howard said that Sophie B. Hawkins came out and performed. He said she was actually pretty good. He also said he got a nice note from her recently where she thanked him for saying something nice about her. Howard doesn't remember saying anything though. He quickly mentioned that Irene Cara was on the show as well and she's gained a lot of weight and she wasn't even recognizable. She's not the hot chick from ''Fame'' anymore. He talked about working with her on a telethon one time and how cute she looked back then. She's now apparently sitting behind a desk running her production company. Howard doesn't know what she could possibly be doing other than filing bankruptcy paperwork. Gary brought up the group Cameo but Brian from E! came in and told Howard a quick story about Sophie B. Hawkins. He had done a video shoot with her and she did something that was pretty funny but the delay button was hit on the story so we were left out of the loop. They said something about her peeing or crapping in front of the guys or something but it still wasn't clear what Brian had said. Howard said he knew a guy who lived on the beach and saw a woman making a bowel movement on the beach near his house. He had to yell at her and chase her away. Gary told a story about seeing a guy do that in his back yard one time. The delay button hits were numerous during this discussion as well. He told his neighbor about that because it was apparently some guys who were doing some work for him that crapped in his yard. The neighbor just laughed when he heard the story.
Brian told a quick story about going to the bathroom on someone's yard one time when he couldn't hold it anymore. He said it was over near where Sal the Stockbroker lives. He said it was probably a block away where he crapped on the lawn. He talked more about the Sophie B. Hawkins thing and how the crew were surprised when she did that and how she looked pretty hot. Gary had another story about a girl he went out with. She had to pee one time and just stopped on the sidewalk and peed instead of waiting to get back home. Howard wondered if he got her that night. Gary said she actually passed out in his apartment before he could get her. She threw up a couple of times and then passed out. He had cleaned her up after she threw up and messed around a little bit but she threw up a second time and then he gave up and put her in bed and gave up. Gary said his buddies wanted to lift her skirt up to see that she wasn't wearing panties but he wouldn't allow that. He said they still yell at him to this day about that night.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told a story but the delay got hit so Howard had to tell him to say ''move your bowels'' because they'll bleep anything else. Sal apologized left. Howard told a story about a guy he knew who got caught peeing in Central Park when a female cop came walking by on a horse. Howard and Gary said that they've never had to crap so bad that they had to go somewhere they didn't want to go. Artie said when he was driving a cab he had to ask a guy if he could use his bathroom after he dropped him off. Howard said that Ronnie the Limo Driver crapped his pants one time and threw his underwear out in a park. Richard Christy came in and said that he made a doody in a coffee can and put it in an oven and turned the oven on. They left it on while their band played and the place filled up with smoke from the doody. Howard said they have to try that sometime. Richard said the doody gets really small when it dries up like that. He said the doody cooked for about an hour. They filmed it and laughed about it for a while but that was about all they did. Gary told some stories about construction workers and how they'll use spackle buckets as bathrooms and they'll sit around for a few months until someone opens it up and gets a whiff right in the face. Howard had to take a break a short time after that.
More Various Stuff. 1/3/01. 7:55am
Howard spent most of the morning just having various discussions about stuff. They were talking about Robin's sex life for a short time. Stuttering John spent some time goofing on Gary and how he wanted to get a tattoo on his back for himself.
Howard mentioned a sponsor they have called The Spy Shop which sells hidden cameras for spying on baby sitters and nannys. Stuttering John said he caught his nanny using the phone to call 900 numbers while she was watching his kid. They somehow got on the subject of some guy who had a hidden camera on kids in a bathroom and then started talking about why schools used to make kids swim naked during gym class. Scott the Engineer was the one who brought that up one time. Gary said that in his school they used to have to wear bathing suits that the school provided. He said he would want to wear that before swimming naked. Everyone then spent some time talking about being naked in front of other guys and how uncomfortable it is.
KC was sharing some stories about the hijinks he and his buddies got into when he was in college. They'd fill up a condom with ranch dressing and throw it at people standing on the side of the road. He had a bunch of other stories about assaulting people in many different ways. Everyone else had their own stories that they shared also.
Mike Gange made the mistake of coming in to share his stories. He got goofed on for a half hour instead. Howard had him stand on the hidden scale so they could see how much he ballooned up over the holidays. He was at a hefty 236 pounds. Then they found out he'd been skiing during vacation so they asked him if he hooked up with any chicks. He said he didn't because he was busy skiing. Howard then spent quite a bit of time trying to give him some advice on how to pick up chicks at a ski lodge. He didn't want to hear it though. He had excuses for why he didn't have time to do it while he was there. Howard called him a girl and said he should stick something in him.
Daryl Hall Performs Live. 11/14/11. 7:35am
After the break we heard a Touch Tone Terrorists prank call where a woman was transferred around trying to get in touch with a representative. Fred also played Hall & Oates ''I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he had Daryl Hall and his friends in the studio. Howard said Daryl hit 3 deer on his way to the show. Howard asked Daryl if he's pissed off today or something. Daryl said he's angry about his headphones right now. He said they're not working. Howard said ''Welcome to our nightmare, man.''
Howard said that Daryl still isn't in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Daryl said he really doesn't care. He said that Rolling Stone and the hall of fame are past their ''due by'' date. Howard asked Daryl if he's still living in the mountains. Daryl said he still lives on a mountain up state. Howard asked if he's gotten rid of all of the deer from his property. Daryl said that they have gotten them all out and he has no more deer on his property.
Daryl said he has Lyme disease from the deer and it affects him in the morning. He said he has a super adrenaline rush in the mornings because of it. He said he has rushes and crashes and you never get rid of that. He said you can take antibiotics to get rid of it but there are many tick related diseases. Daryl said if you have Lyme and catch it immediately you might be able to get rid of it. He said once it sets in then it can be chronic and you can't get rid of it. He said he wasn't diagnosed quickly enough. He said that he had fake temperatures and he thought he had a temperature but it was below normal. He said the deer are a bigger problem than the Deer are. He said he has a cat that catches chipmunks that have ticks so he has to pull the ticks off his cat.
Howard said this fucked his life up. Daryl said that his step kids and wife have Lyme disease too. He said you can catch it more than once too. Daryl said if you already have Lyme and get bitten again by a tick that has another form then you can get that too. Howard said he should move to the city. Daryl said he's a stubborn mother fucker.
Howard said Daryl had to move to the mountains to get away from John Oates. Daryl said John lives in the mountains too. Howard said there seems to be a kind of animosity for each other. Daryl said that's wrong. They have zero animosity. Howard said he thinks that Oates was like his Garfunkel. Daryl said that's just not the case. Daryl said John is out there kicking butt playing on his own. He said you have to watch him play to learn more about him.
Howard asked why they don't play together anymore. Daryl said that there is a resentment of being half of something. Howard said that he should be in the Hall of Fame. Daryl said he doesn't care about that. Howard said Leonard Cohen is in the hall of fame. He said there is a list of people who are in there that don't belong and others who do belong and aren't in. Howard said the Moody Blues aren't in but Iggy Pop is. Daryl said there's a whole list of people who should be in but aren't. Gary said that Eric B and Rakim are nominated this year. They're a rap group from the 80s.
Howard said Daryl has no bitterness about the rock and roll hall of fame. Daryl said he's neutral on all of that. Howard said that Daryl wrote all of the hits for Hall & Oates. Daryl said that he did write a lot of the eventual hits. Howard asked if he had Oates there as a security blanket. Daryl said that's not the way it was. Howard asked if he has had as big of a carer as a solo artist as he did with Oates. Daryl said he didn't and that's where the rub is. He said that he may have had a bit of a delay in his solo career because of that.
Howard asked why he lives on a mountain. He asked if it keeps him from people. Daryl said he brings people to his house and he has a show where they do that. Howard said it has to be pretty isolated. Daryl said there is no isolation. He said a lot of city people say that. Daryl said he does the same thing up there that people do in the city. He said he is a bit anti-social though.
Howard said Daryl got married since the last time he was on the show. Howard said he had a girlfriend for 30 years and he didn't marry her. Daryl said they ran their course. He said that they didn't break up because they didn't get married. Daryl said that people change. He said he's happily married now. He's been married for 2 years now.
Howard asked Daryl if he's a difficult man to be married to. He said he's isolated this woman in the woods. Daryl said she grew up in London and the woods so she's fine. Howard asked if she has to do chores. Daryl said not in the regular sense.
Howard asked Daryl about how he has to go on QVC to sell albums now. Daryl said he already made money in the record business so it doesn't bother him.
Howard asked how many dates he does as Hall & Oates. Daryl said they do a few a year. Howard asked if he thinks that Gary Dell'Abate looks like John. Daryl said it is kind of weird. Howard said he thinks that Fred looks kind of like Daryl and he could get an imposter group going. Fred said they should walk out as imposters and see what happens. Daryl said he thinks they should walk out and stay out there while they're at it.
Howard read about how Daryl canceled a concert due to the way Arizona was handling the immigration thing down there. Daryl said that they crossed the line. He said that he would never set foot in Arizona until they changed that.
Howard moved over to Elliot Lewis who was in playing keyboards this morning. Howard asked him if he goes up to Daryl's house. Elliot said he does and he kind of looks forward to it. He said it's a couple hour drive but they make some great music up there. He said they eat great food and drink some great wine up there too.
Howard asked if Elliot just plays for Daryl. Elliot said he does some solo stuff too but most of it is with Daryl. Howard asked Elliot if it's difficult to live in Daryl's shadow. Elliot said no. Daryl told him to watch what he says.
Howard asked Elliot about learning to play piano as a kid and things like that. Howard said he had 5 years of lessons and his teacher committed suicide. He said he really hated those lessons though. Elliot is self taught.
Howard spoke to Everett Bradley the bongo player. Howard asked where he learned to play that. He also asked if he'd getting laid from being in the band. He said he is getting all kinds of pussy. Howard asked what kind of protection he uses. He said he uses a rubber. Howard said it sounds like a lot of fun for them at these gigs. Everett said it is a good time. Howard asked if he's ever had 2 or 3 women at the same time. He said ''At least...''
Howard moved on to Paul who was on guitar. Howard asked if he gets a lot of pussy too. Paul said he has milk and cookies after the shows.
Howard said that the boys have a new album but he'd like to hear ''Kiss On My List'' first. Howard asked Daryl if he remembers writing that song. Daryl said that he does. He said he was with Sara's sister and they wrote this one pretty fast. Howard asked if he ever kissed Sara's sister. Daryl said ''no comment'' but then said he was just playing around.
The guys performed ''Kiss On My List'' after that. Howard said that was great. He asked if they ever practice. Daryl said they don't need to. They play together so much they don't have to. Daryl said that these guys have been with him a long time and he keeps them around because they work together so well. Howard asked if they ever mess up. Daryl said they're at a level where they don't make mistakes. He said they don't rehears for his TV show either.
Robin asked about the kids he's a step-father to and how old they are. Daryl told her about them. Daryl has a son of his own too and he said that sometimes fathers and sons don't get along. He said it's really not worth getting into that because it's a long story. Howard figured that his son likes deer.
Howard asked Daryl about how he used to go around and visit all of the radio stations to get his record played. Daryl said he still does that. Howard said he guesses he's right about that because he showed up there today.
Howard said the new album is called ''Laughing Down Crying'' and asked what that means. Daryl said it's like saying you laughed so hard you cried. Howard said they were going to play another song from the album today. Daryl said this one came to him while he was sitting down talking to people at dinner and it came to him that night. He said people just don't listen. He said the song is called ''Talking To Myself.''
Howard asked Daryl if he drinks honey and tea and takes care of his voice. Daryl said he used to do that growing up but his mom taught him how to sing so he doesn't blow his voice out. He said he sings from the diaphragm like you're supposed to. Howard said it must be a certain posture. Daryl said that you push from your diaphragm and it frees your throat. Daryl said it makes him sad when people lose their voice from singing the wrong way. He said it's a shame really. Howard asked if he tells people to get a vocal coach. Daryl said once you blow it out then it's too late. He said you have to catch it early.
Howard said the boys were going to perform ''Talking To Myself'' off their new album ''Laughing Down Crying.''. They went into the song a short time later.
After the song Howard gave the guys some plugs and said you can find out more about Daryl's show at LiveFromDarylsHouse.com. Daryl talked about some of the great people he's had up his house to perform. You can also go to HallAndOates.com for tour dates. They went to break a short time later.
''Get My Daddy Laid'' Part 1. 06/17/05. 8:00am
Howard came back from break and had Fred play some ''Get My Daddy Laid'' music. They were going to play a game in honor of Father's Day where some daughters were going to try and help get their father's laid. He introduced Kamora and John and spent a minute talking to Kamora about her father wanting to get laid. Kamora said that their whole family has an ''interesting relationship'' and John said that his daughter doesn't shock him with anything she does. Kamora told Howard that John has a girlfriend that's kind of annoying and overweight and she's trying to break them up. John said his daughter and his girlfriend haven't exactly gotten along very well.
Howard moved on to Robin and Joe next. Robin is blind so Howard told her she could have been part of their Blind Beauty Pageant. She said that she didn't get her tape in on time so that's why she wasn't there. Howard asked her about getting her father laid and why she'd want to do that. She said that she doesn't really care that much but her father does. Robin said her father doesn't complain about not getting laid, she doesn't talk about that with him. Robin said that she didn't even tell her father she was going to do this for him. Joe told Howard that he has been to a hooker in the past but he's never been to the Bunny Ranch which is what he could win today.
Howard introduced Rachel and Ben next. Rachel said that her father just got divorced from a 32 year old model and he's 74 years old himself. He told Howard that the model needed a green card so that's why he married her. He said it went horribly wrong at the end. Rachel claimed that she was stealing money from him. Ben said he didn't want to have her arrested or anything like that so he kicked her out of his apartment. Ben told Howard that he used to go to brothels back in the 60s and Rachel knew about that stuff already.
Howard had Becca Brat from the Bunny Ranch come in to show the guys what kind of chicks they could be getting at the Bunny Ranch. Becca told Howard she's been working there for five years and you can check out all of the girls at BunnyRanch.com. She said she can do up to 5 guys a day over there and she's been told she's very good at what she does. She even told Howard that she'd give him a free shot if he wanted it. Howard said they put her picture up on his web site if you want to check her out. Howard moved on to the game. He said he was going to ask all of the guys 5 question each and their daughters would have to match up the questions when they came back into the studio after he booted them out. Howard checked out Becca's piercings that were all over her body. Robin said that she's also tattooed all over.
Howard sent the daughters out and Becca remained naked as Howard asked each of the father's their 5 questions. He started off with John. Here are the questions and answers for each guy
''Get My Daddy Laid'' Part 2. 06/17/05. 8:30am
After the break Howard reviewed what went on during the break. The guys were taking pictures with Becca who was still naked and hanging out in the studio. He gave her a plug for the BunnyRanch.com web site and for the HBO special ''Cat House'' that's airing for 11 weeks and features the Bunny Ranch girls. He got back to the game after that and told the daughters that they had to match their dad's answers. Whoever matched the most would win the trip the Bunny Ranch for their father. Howard went through all of the questions again and got the daughter's answers. Here are the answers for both:
In the clip Howard was talking about Scott the Engineer having a cold. He goofed on him for a minute and then talked about the problems he has with the engineering department. He said Richie Herbie told him what the problems were with the wireless microphones and how they pop when you do things a certain way. Howard talked about that for a minute and then called Scott in to talk about that.
Howard noticed that Scott has those marks on his lips from his cigarettes sticking to them and ripping the skin off. Howard asked when he's going to stop smoking. Scott said he has cut back to about one pack. Howard said he smokes at least a pack while he's there at the show. Howard said Scott is fatter than ever too. Scott said he's out of control.
Howard said that he had this discussion with Richie Herbie about the microphones. Scott said he told them to keep them on. Howard said if they have buzzing sounds they shouldn't leave them on. Gary said he saw Scott do it. He said he was flailing his arms like a mad man and no one knew what that was about. Howard asked why he wouldn't stand up and let someone know what to do. Howard said he could have just filled them in before. He said he couldn't be more lazy.
Scott explained how they had 3 wireless microphones and he wasn't able to keep an eye on all 3. Howard said Scott should be able to listen to the show and hear the buzzing sound. He asked what he does when he hears that sound. Scott said he shut off the fader and told them to turn the microphone on. Howard said he didn't tell anybody. Howard asked why he wouldn't put a piece of tape across the switch so no one would touch it. Scott didn't answer. Howard said they never take the blame for this stuff.
Jackie told Howard that Scott was right there and he was able to see what was going on when the sponsor was up there talking and no sound was coming from the microphone. Howard said the microphone should be on permanently. He said if he didn't put tape on the button he should have told someone.
At one point Howard called Tom Chiusano a dolt so Tom came in to complain about that. Howard said Tom is a sap. He said he must look in the mirror and see that written across his forehead.
Scott said that he thinks people should know how to work a piece of equipment too. He said if they pick it up they should know. Howard said everyone should have the knowledge that Scott has since he's a brilliant man. Howard said he didn't know that the wireless microphones had to be turned on. He said if he has that knowledge he should volunteer it. Howard asked if he's going to blame Stuttering John for something he knew and didn't tell him. Howard said Scott has to share that information with people.
Stuttering John told Howard Scott gives him a microphone that's turned off when he goes down to the street. He said they turn it on down there. He said that he's not expecting it to be turned on when Scott hands it to him at the birthday show. John said he should tell them when he hands it to them if it's on or not.
Howard said Scott has to share that information. Howard told Scott about Einstein and how he shared his ideas with the world. Howard said if you have an idea you share it with people.
Howard said Tom has to tell Scott how to communicate with people there. Howard went back and forth talking to Tom about that. Howard said he has to communicate with his people and let them know how to communicate with others. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott during these rants.
Howard and the guys goofed on Scott about his bowling too. They were wondering how he bowls and smokes at the same time. They asked if his wife smokes too. Scott said they do. Robin asked if the wife stopped smoking while she was pregnant. Scott said she did. He said they don't smoke in the house anymore. Howard and Fred goofed on him about that too.
Howard let Tom go and asked Scott if he has gone to the doctor to have his lungs x-rayed. Scott said he hasn't gone recently. Howard said they should really call him Wheezy. Howard told him not to give him any crap about the birthday show. He told him not to try to snow him. He said he knows what he's doing. Howard went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who claimed he had sex with his aunt. He said she was 47 years old at the time. The guy said she's attractive too. Howard said he doesn't think he could do it. The caller said his aunt is hot. He said she had a great body. The caller said that his mom is good looking too but not like his aunt.
The caller told Howard that his aunt came up to him at a bar and said she could picture herself with him if he was a few years older. The guy said they went to another bar after that. He said she looks like a cute Terri Garr.
Howard said his cousin was kind of hot and he would have liked to have gotten her. Howard said maybe that's wacky but she was cute.
Robin asked how the aunt let the guy know she had a thong on. The caller said she was rubbing his leg under the table. He said she got up and grabbed his package. He said she told him she had to leave soon but next time they get together they should do something. He said he took her daughter out to a party that night. He said the daughter called her mom at one point so she gave him the phone. He said she told him that she had a present for him. He said she had a vibrator she was using while she was talking to him. He said that his brother was listening on the other line. The caller said she gets off but he didn't get there. He said he had to come see her and she said no. The guy said he had to go visit her. He said he got on the highway but he had to take care of himself first. He said he had a coffee and a cigarette in one hand and his penis in the other.
Howard had to cut the guy off when he got a little too graphic. The caller moved on and he said he got to his aunt's house and she was in a white bathrobe with her breasts hanging out. He said it was wide open. The caller said she ended up pleasuring him orally and he did the same to her. He said it lasted 2-3 minutes. Howard said that seems about right. The caller said he did it another couple of times that night. He said he had to get out since the family was coming over later in the morning.
Howard asked if he's done it since then. The caller said it was just that weekend so he hasn't. He said he got a call from his sister asking what was going on because his mom saw her all over him. He said he denied it all. He said his brother loves it and wants to get in on it. Howard said he wouldn't want his brother getting in on that.
Howard said that sounds sexy. He said they should call his aunt up now and talk to her about it. The caller said that would blow it. Howard said he should call her and talk to her about it. The caller said he doesn't even have her number. Howard said he should be able to get it easily. Howard asked if he did anal. The caller said he didn't but she did mention it in their call. He said that's going to be the next step.
Robin asked how old the guy is. He said he's 24. Howard said that sounds cool to him. He said it sounds kind of sexy to him. He said he knows it's wrong that it's his aunt though.
Howard told the guy to go back. The caller said that he is going back this weekend actually. Howard said he has to get going.
Oh No! It's Henry Hill AGAIN! 10/10/96.
Here we go again... Henry called in for what reason I couldn't tell you. He just calls in and starts talking about things happening in his life. Now he's got to go to some special hearing about his kid because of some of the things he said on the air the last time he called in. This time though Henry was saying how the people that are raising his kid are doing a great job. Last time it sounded like he was saying that he didn't like the way they were raising him. Henry rambled on and on about how he has to fly his sister and a bunch of other people in to testify at this hearing of his. And in another bizarre twist Henry said that he wanted to talk to Robin off the air after the show. Usually Henry seems to dislike Robin butting into his business but now he wants to speak to her off the air? Puhlease.. So while Henry was on hold giving his number to Gary some woman called in who wanted to yell at Henry. This woman's Grandfather was some mob guy who was sent to prison because of Henry. She started yelling at Henry because her Grandfather died in prison. Keep in mind that this guy was sent to prison for killing people. Henry brought up that fact but she didn't seem to care. She called Henry a ''Stool Pigeon'' because he gets to avoid jail while these other murderers die in prison. Really good reason to yell at someone on national radio.. So Howard kept the two of them on for a few minutes and they couldn't resolve anything. Eventually Henry was off the air... at least until the next time.
First up they played a segment where they had Jackie singing Robin's news theme song. Robin said yesterday she had a story about a guy on trial for sneaking into a guy's room and having sex with the guy. Robin said today she has one about a guy who woke up to find someone had put a bottle in his rectum. Robin said they were able to remove the bottle. Howard asked where this story was from. Robin said it was from Excite.com. Howard wondered if they check their stories.
Next up they played a segment where Robin was talking about fetishes. Howard mentioned that King of All Blacks is into feet. That led to Artie Lange doing his impression of King of All Blacks talking about being into feet.
Next they played a segment where Robin read about a Star Trek convention and Billy West ended up doing his George Takei impression for a few minutes. Robin read more about the convention and Howard said they really have to go to one of those things. Howard said it must be a white thing though. Robin said she thinks there are a lot of black Star Trek fans. Howard said he had to fart so he let it rip into the microphone. Billy said ''Stink factor 2, Captain.'' Robin mentioned that Jay Leno was there too so Billy did his Leno impression as well. Howard had a conversation with ''Jay'' for a short time.
Robin read a story about Oprah signing a new deal with King World. Robin said she has said that she may retire. Howard said that was a ploy to get stock in the company. Robin said they say she made 98 million from her show last year. Howard, Fred and Billy West did their impressions of Jackie getting upset about those numbers while Robin was reading the story. They were all making all kinds of weird Jackie noises. Jackie said it's like a zoo in there.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard he has a guy on the phone who was at the Star Trek convention. Howard picked up and the guy told Howard about what he saw there. He said people were wearing costumes and they know details about the show that's incredible. Howard talked to the caller about some of the other things he saw at this convention. The guy told Howard about how boring it was. He said they had a discussion with a guy about designing the sets and that lasted 45 minutes. Billy did more impressions as they were talking about some of the stars of the show who were there.
Robin read a story about Garrett Morris being shot and in the hospital. Robin said they had to bring the TV show he's in to the hospital to shoot the show there. Billy was still doing his George Takei impression while that was going on.
Robin read a story about a guy who is charged with raping teenage girls in 1995. Robin said both the husband and the wife were involved. Fred played a couple of Jackie laughs during those awful stories.
Robin read a story about a woman whose son fell into an outhouse. Robin said the mother could see the child at the bottom of the 10 foot hole. Robin said the mother allowed herself to be lowered into the tank to grab her son. Robin said she got in and was able to grab the boy. Fred played fart sounds and things like that during that story. Robin read about how the kid fell in the pit and how the husband didn't go in to get the kid. Robin said the mother had to do it. Howard said he wouldn't do that for his kids. He said he'd throw them a rope. He said he'd take his portable phone and call for help. They wrapped up the news segment a short time later.
Today's unnamed vacation special was over around 10:45am.
Jon went over the segments they played this morning and said he wanted to start off with the Scott Salem mistake segment. Jon went over what happened in that clip and how they had a problem with the wireless microphones and how Scott didn't fix it. Scott said he has no remembrance of that day. Jon said it was his chance to redeem himself and shine but that didn't happen. He said it also brought up Scott's smoking which he also wanted to talk about.
Jon said this argument sounded like something that could have happened 2 weeks ago. He asked how Scott dealt with that whole thing. Scott said he didn't hear the segment this morning. He said they're a team when they deal with these things. He said it was 18 years ago and he's made so many mistakes over the years that he throws them to the side. Jon asked Scott if he feels he hasn't gotten the credit he deserves for the work he does. Scott said he's not saying that. He said he has gotten credit over the years... once or twice. He said that people do notice when things go wrong. He said Howard picks on people equally though so he's fine with that.
Benjy asked Scott if he thinks someone could have done worse than he did. Scott said he's sure they could have. He said things go wrong. Jon said he doesn't think he'd be there if he didn't do a competent job. He said Howard is comfortable with him and he keeps him around for some reason. He said part of that might be his character. He said Scott is able to roll with the joke most of the time. He said he will lose his temper at times though.
Jon said he's glad Sal is there because he wants to talk to him about smoking. Sal said he doesn't smoke. JD let out a huge laugh for some reason. Sal said he does not smoke.
Jon asked Scott about his smoking and if he smoked before he worked on the show. Scott said he did smoke before. He said he stopped smoking 10 years ago. He said he had to stop for health reasons. He has COPD and that was one of the reasons he stopped.
Jon asked Scott if he has been tempted to go back. Scott said sure he has. Sal asked if he ever had a problem with them looking for him and he wasn't around because he was smoking. Scott said they smoked inside at the time. He said he used to smoke in the studio he worked in. Scott said it was pretty much non-stop smoking. Sal asked if the faders were all yellow. Scott said they were not.
Sal said there was a shop room there at K-Rock that Dan the Song Parody Man would smoke in. He said smoke would pour out from under the door when he was in there.
Jon asked what happened when Scott quit smoking. Scott said he gained 50 pounds. Jon asked about his bowling and asked if he played any other sports. Scott said he used to play Racquetball. Jon said he's trying to imagine that. He wasn't able to. Scott said he hurt his knee so he had to stop. He said it was more paddle ball than Racquetball.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that a lot of guests have been coming in lately. She said when she talks to people they don't take you that seriously. She said that she thinks there is still a cult following to listening to the show. Jon said he agrees. He said Howard doing AGT helps though. He said being on that show makes him more acceptable to some fans. He said it's not as bad as it was back in the day when someone would look at you cross eyed when you said you listened.
The caller said that she likes all of the eras of Howard but she likes the Wrap Up Show because they talk about a bunch of different things.
Sal said he echos this lady's words. He said that there are more and more women listening to the show and he thinks they're awesome. He said they seem to be more in tune with the show than the men are. Sal said that they pick up on the key things in the show. Sal said he doesn't know. He said there are just times when women can pick out really specific moments from the show when men can't do that.
Sal said he has made analogies about women on the show and he's had women come up to him and say they like what he's said.
Sal said something about some woman who didn't like him but he changed her mind talking on the show. He said she wanted to bang him so that means that she liked him. Scott asked if you have to like someone to bang them. Sal asked Scott if he would fuck him. Scott said he's thought about it. Sal said that Gary's wife wants to fuck him more than anyone on the show. He said that means she likes him. Sal said he thinks that if she could have sex with him she absolutely would. Jon said they had to take a break after that. He had to cut the guys off in the middle of talking about that.
Jon mentioned that Daryl made it into the hall of fame along with Sal's buddies, KISS. Sal said they don't really like the hall of fame either because they think the fans should vote on who gets in there and not a bunch of ''shitbags.''
Sal said he thinks that Gene and Paul screwed up. He said they should have played the classics with the guys who started the band. He said Gene and Paul said no to the hall of fame and the people who wanted them to play.
Jon asked Sal what songs he would have had them perform. Sal said ''Detroit Rock City'', ''Black Diamond'' and maybe ''Shock Me.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to compare the Stern show of today to the show of the mid 90s. He said he's relatively new to listening and he noticed that Howard seems a lot more serious these days. He said there seemed to be more shtick in the past. He said he still loves the show but it has changed. Jon said Howard has changed and evolved into a different guy. He said having different people around him back then felt different. He said one of the amazing things about Howard is that he stays relevant and in pop culture. He said Howard's popularity has only increased over time.
Jon said having Jackie in there posed it's own challenges in there. He said Scott has been there for a lot of the whole thing. Scott said they do get older and you do change. He said you can't do the same thing over and over again or people get sick of it. Sal said they don't get sick of Scott's screw ups though. Scott said as far as Howard goes you can't keep doing the same things.
Jon said he has to back Sal up on that comment about Scott. Sal said it's one thing that's consistently funny. Scott said he thinks there are times when people fuck with him. JD said like that time when techno came out of Robin's microphone. Scott said that was his fault. Scott said that he can't believe things like that can happen sometimes.
Jon said he doesn't think that Howard would get on Scott if he jumped into action. Sal said even if he pretended to be a go getter he'd be able to get away with it. He said that he just needs to put it on like he's all gung ho. Benjy said that it might not be the best thing to do. Sal said Scott should barge through the door and get really upset. He said he could start fiddling with the faders and all of that. He said he could tell Howard to go to break and he'll take care of it. He said instead of that Scott walks in really slow. Scott said it's easier to think when you're calmer. He said when he's calmer he can go through and think about things. Sal said his calmness is perceived as not caring. Scott said he has to do that to go through the steps he needs to.
Jon said that even though he's kind of mild mannered he has to show some type of urgency. Scott said he did that when he went in for the Robin's microphone screw up. Jon said he has to do that every time though. He said it's perceived that he doesn't care. Scott said he has learned to stay calm. He said when they were on regular radio they would go crazy instead of just switching the transmitter. Jon asked if that's why he asked Evan to take it easy that time. Scott said yes.
Sal said when 9/11 happened Mayor Giuliani handled it beautifully. He said he was very calm and when he was asked about that he said when there is chaos you have to get calmer. He said he'll never forget that. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said they heard that Scott had an issue there. Scott said they were on their way out and he was going through a door and some drunk asshole practically knocked him on the ground. He asked what the fuck was up with him and the guy said ''Shut up old man.'' Scott said he threatened to kick his ass. Jon said this sounds a little chaotic. He asked what happened to staying calm. Scott said he was not calm. He said he was ready to kick the guy's ass but the guy's girlfriend pulled him away. Sal asked what his wife said. Scott said she told him ''Easy, easy.''
Shuli said he was getting reports during the concert about what Scott was doing. He said the guy was sitting right behind him. He said everyone was sitting down other than this one guy in front of Scott. Scott said he didn't say anything to the guy. He said it was annoying though. Shuli said you see the back of Scott's head and the only person standing was right in front of Scott.
Sal asked why he didn't stand. Scott said he was trying to be courteous. He said he doesn't want to do something like that. He said if everyone is sitting then you should sit. He said everyone stood during the encore.
Shuli showed a picture to JD and JD was laughing his ass off. Jon asked if the guy was messing with him. Scott said the guy was there by himself and he wasn't messing with him. Scott said the show was phenomenal. He said Billy is so good.
Sal asked Scott what songs he sang to. Scott said he doesn't remember them. Jon said he's very curious to hear what they'll be hearing next Monday. Jon said with that they're going to end the show. They were done around 11:30am.
Pinworm Discussions. 01/29/08. 6:00am
Howard started off the show talking about how he had pinworms when he was a little kid. He said that Greg Fitzsimmons did his show last night and he was saying that his kid had pinworms. He said that he remembers when he had them when he was a kid and he probably got them from playing in the dirt. He said that his ass itched all the time from what he remembers and he's not sure how his mother knew that he had them. Robin said he probably dragged himself across the carpet like a dog does.
Howard remembered that he had to bring in a stool sample so his mom had him shit in a cardboard box. He said he has to call his mother later to ask her about that. He said he remembered shitting in the box and he could see the worms living in the shit. Robin said she had a dog that had them and she remembered seeing them in the shit too.
Artie said that it would be great if there was a reincarnation thing and Hitler came back as a pinworm living in someone's shit. He wondered what would happen if you never took care of those worms and he was still itching down there. Howard said he'd probably still be dragging his ass across the carpet. They talked about how that kind of stuff must have driven people nuts back in the old days when they couldn't take care of that.
Howard said that he had a lot of stuff to get to this morning. He had a couple of Penthouse Pets coming in and also a guy who has a giant rubber band ball. He said that the ball is bigger than his car and he wants to know why a black guy is into that stuff. He said that he's standing on the ball in the picture and it looks taller than his house.
Howard said that guy looks kind of nerdy but he is trying to look cool in the picture. Artie said he took a closer look and he did think that he was kind of nerdy.
Robin Squeezed Out In L.A. Last Week. 01/29/08. 6:10am
Howard said that he wasn't able to get up this morning. He went and worked out yesterday and he was working out with one of these American Gladiator chicks. He said that she was really strong too. He said that he tried to keep up with her and now he's really hurting. He said she had a perfect chiseled body and her stomach was really flat.
Howard said the woman was telling him about some of the stuff she does on that show and how much fun she has doing it. He said that it sounded pretty wild to him. He said she looked really good too. He's not into working out with women who can beat him up though.
Howard asked Robin about the story she told about going out to California and how she kind of forgot about that. He asked her how long she was out there. She said she was there for maybe 24 hours last Friday. She flew out on Thursday night and had to see someone out there so she spent just the day. It turns out she had to use a machine out there that they don't have in New York. It's an EEPC machine that squeezes her and helps her out with her fat.
Artie didn't get that and asked her why she goes out there to get squeezed. She said that it's all about recirculating the blood in your lower body back into your upper body. Howard figured that she had to pay a lot of money to fly out and back and to use that machine. Robin said that it's part of her health regimen and she has to do it.
Howard Irked By Picture Taken In His Chair By Doug Goodstein. 01/29/08. 6:15am
Howard said that Robin and Beth threw a baby shower for his hair stylist Toni who is having her fourth kid. He said that he can't believe she's doing that and she's going to have four boys now. He said that he got kind of irked by something and he wasn't sure if he even wanted to bring it up. Artie told him that means it's good so he should talk about it.
Howard said that Beth came home yesterday and he really does feel bad for her that she's with him. He said that he really loves her and he's very blessed but she's not that lucky to have him. He said that this is very silly and he shouldn't bring it up. He said he told Gary about it and said that it wasn't going to come up on the air. He said that Beth told him that Doug Goodstein showed up at the baby shower and he found that kind of surprising but that's not what bugged him.
Beth told Howard that Doug stopped by with his baby and then he heard that Doug had taken a picture of himself with the baby in his chair in the studio. He said he started to get really bummed out about that and it started to eat away at him. He said that it was making him nuts that someone would do that to him. He said he knows that people will sit in someone's chair like that and it's no big deal. He said that if Doug had asked him to do that, he'd be fine with it. Robin said that it's just Doug too and it's not someone that he doesn't trust messing with his stuff, like Cabbie having sex in the studio.
Howard said that he loves Doug and it's really not a big deal. Artie told Howard he thinks that he's overreacting. He said that it's Doug and he's known him for 14 years. Howard said that sometimes his equipment gets messed with and it takes forever to get it back the way it was so that kind of stuff bothers him. He said he doesn't know if Doug's kid was messing with the equipment or not.
Howard said that everyone is right, he shouldn't make a big deal out of it. He said he wasn't going to bring it up to his shrink or not after the guys suggested that he do that. He said he wants out of therapy so bad. Robin told him that this shows that he still has to go.
Doug came in so Howard asked him if he's out of his mind. Doug told him that it was just he and his little kid, she wasn't touching anything. He said that it was kind of cute. He brought his daughter to work and it was a fun day. Howard told him that maybe he should have taken a picture of her in his chair instead. Doug said he did that too. Doug told him that this is crazy and obsessive. He said that it's no different than the cleaning lady touching his chair.
Howard said that when Doug does this it makes people think that it's okay for others to do it too. Doug said that's not going to happen. Howard asked him if it's okay to put his daughter on the Sybian. Doug told him to stop with that. He asked what would happen if Jason came in and took a picture in the chair with someone. He said that if Doug had come to him and said that he was going to do this, he'd be fine. He said that it's just a courtesy.
Howard asked if it's okay for Jason to bring a nephew in there and take a picture in the chair. Doug said that would be fine in his mind. Howard told everyone to feel free and come in and take pictures. He said that Doug thinks that it's okay so he shouldn't think that much about it and let everyone do it.
Fred was asked if he'd do something like that and he said he knows better. He said that he would never do it because he knows that Howard would be bugged by this. He said that he's a germ-phobe and he wouldn't want to get him sick and take the blame for it.
Howard said that Fred isn't one of these freaks with a camera who has to take pictures constantly. Fred said that's true, he's not that obsessive about pictures. Howard said that Doug is a nut and most people don't go around taking pictures of everything. Robin said that Howard's dad would take him to his job and record stuff. Howard said that's not the same, that was his dad's recording studio, this isn't Doug's studio.
Howard said that he has never even had his own daughters sit in that chair. Robin said that he had to have done that at some point but he insisted that he hadn't. Robin asked if the people who wanted to sit in the captain's chair on the set of Star Trek should have to ask William Shatner to take pictures in that chair. Howard said that they should have to go and ask the producer of the show.
Doug said that he didn't even thinks that much about that picture and if he had, he would have asked Howard for his permission before doing it. Doug joked that he was sitting on a towel that was the property of the TV show so he should get off of that. He was just joking though and said he was stretching a little bit.
Robin said that this is a TV set and Howard shouldn't worry about it. He said that it was SIRIUS' property but Doug said that it's actually a joint project and it was both SIRIUS and In Demand's studio.
Robin said that she thinks that she may have had her nephew sit in that chair and take pictures too. She apologized for doing that because she had no idea that she was doing wrong. Howard asked if Scott Greenstein should be allowed to bring anyone in there to sit in his seat. Robin said that would be wrong and so would the interns. Howard asked where the cut-off is. They were bringing up people like JD and Benjy and others and Robin said that it would be wrong for JD. She thinks that he should have to ask.
Robin said that the only person she never wanted in her room was Daniel Carver. She said she was afraid of him, that's why. Doug asked if they should get a different chair to sit in back there so they can have some pictures taken. Howard said that Doug should be allowed to do whatever he wants. He said that he really thinks that if he wants to do a photo shoot, he should have to get permission.
Howard said that he's not even sure what's so special about his chair. He said that it seems to be a power trip and it shows what he can get away with there. He said that the only reason he took the picture is because it's Howard Stern's chair. He said that he's a real human being and he's not Captain Kirk.
Howard said that Beth told him about this picture and he went nuts when he heard about it. He said that it shouldn't be a big deal but it has turned into one now. Howard said that Doug stole a camera on 9/11 but Doug said he broke into a store to feed firemen. He said that they used a store to feed them and the cops and firemen are the ones who broke the windows to get into the place. He didn't want to get into that.
Howard asked if it's okay for JD to bring in his niece to take pictures. Doug said that would be fine in his opinion. Artie said that he'd tell people not to go anywhere near that chair.
Robin asked Doug if it would be okay for her to bring someone in and sit in Scott DePace's director's chair. Doug said that would be fine, she can have anyone sit in there. Doug said that his daughter didn't touch anything, she sat there for 2 seconds so he could take a picture. Robin said that they should auction off the chance to sit there.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that it's just a chair and she can't believe that he's going this crazy. Howard said that she must be the voice of sanity and she must be right. He said that anyone who wants to sit there can sit there without permission. He said he doesn't even get why anyone would want to sit there. Robin said that if he got to see the Space Shuttle, wouldn't he want to sit in the captains chair. Howard said no but Robin thinks that anyone would want to sit there and that's what his chair is like.
Doug said that he wasn't trying to sneak this picture in and he really didn't catch him doing anything wrong. Doug asked Howard if he's going to put his kid in the chair when he and Beth finally have a kid. Howard told him he's not having a kid and he wouldn't sit them in that chair.
Howard said that he wanted to know where Doug's car was so he could sit his kids in his car. Doug said that anyone can do anything they want to his stuff, except shit in his bed. Howard told everyone he just wants people to ask him if it's okay to do something like that. Doug asked if he would hold his kid if he brought her in. He said he would never do that but he wanted to know. Howard said he has no desire to hold anyone's kid and anyone who makes you pose with their kid is sick.
Doug said that he wouldn't put his kid on that couch they have in the studio because of all of the porn stars that have sat there. He said he knows that Howard is clean. Howard told him that he should go have his kid sit in Mel Karmazin's chair. Doug said he doesn't work there, that's why he wouldn't do that. He doesn't think that this is disrespectful at all and told Howard to take some calls about this.
Howard took a call and the guy told him that he's out of his mind with this stuff. He said that it makes for great radio but he's fuckin' crazy. Howard said that everything is loosie goosie around there. Doug said that he never disrespects Howard and that's not what he was doing with this.
Tim Sabean came in and said that they were going through the names of the people who they think have no business being in the offices there. He said that they want people to stay the fuck out of that area. He said that they just wander around there and they think that it's okay. Howard said that it makes him crazy when he sees people that don't belong back there wandering around. He said that he has to ask Ross to stay out of there because it isn't a club house.
Gary said that they used to have a lot of technical people on the list of people who were allowed back there and they had to cut that list down to stop the people from coming in. Tim said that people claim they have a lot of important work to do there and that's just not the case and he wants them to stay the fuck out of there.
Tim said that if someone hits the board or the buttons on the console, it can screw things up. Doug told Tim to go kiss Howard's ass more. He said he would never touch anything over there and he didn't let his daughter do that. He knows that Howard is going to tell him after this that it was just a bit for radio.
Double A called in and said he agrees with Howard about all of this and he would never do something like Doug did. Fred said that he's not sure he'd take his word for this because he's a name dropper and he's heard things about him taking stuff that doesn't belong to him and things like that. Howard said that Double A has a picture of him on his business card too and it true that Double A is name dropping. Double A said he doesn't claim that he works for Howard but he is part of the show.
Double A wanted to tell Howard not to ruin that perfect body of Beth's. He said that he saw Jessica Alba on Letterman last night and she looks horrendous.
Bobo called in and said that he got a tour of the studio one time and they were all told that they aren't to go anywhere near the console. He said that they were up there to do the Superfan Roundtable show and they were all kept away from that stuff. Howard said that he wants a velvet rope set up around his console so people will stay away form that stuff.
Robin asked Howard if he would let his father sit in the chair. Howard said his father would never come up there and do that. He said that Doug wouldn't let his kid sit on the couch in there because of germs, he's feeling the same way about his chair, he doesn't want everyone sitting in that chair and putting their germs on it.
Robin said that Doug wasn't giving Howard the shiv by putting his daughter in the chair. He wasn't trying to disrespect him at all, he never disrespects him like that. Tim said he thinks that it's innocent but no one should ever be behind that console other than Howard.
Bobo asked if they had more free reign over at K-Rock. Howard said that it was worse over there, they let anyone in that studio and anyone could sit in there.
Doug said that he got thrown out of the baby shower yesterday and he's not sure why. Howard told him that it's a ladies shower and he had no business being there. Doug said he showed up at the end of the party. Howard said that's not what happened, he showed up an hour into it. Robin said it was more like an hour and a half. She said that when his wife called him, he was there within seconds. Doug said it was only 6 blocks away.
Howard said that the girls saw Doug staring at them with those bug eyes of his and that's why they threw him out. He said that they wanted to do some girl talk and they didn't want a man in there. Howard said he just wants people to stay off his chair or at least ask his permission. Fred told Howard to lock that chair up because Doug is planning on having more kids and he'll probably be bringing them in. Howard told Doug to take a picture of the chair and just photoshop the kid into it.
Artie did an impression of Doug's kid and told Howard that she took a steaming shit in his chair. He also said that his father was a lunatic. Howard said that Doug didn't bother putting his kid into Benjy's chair. He kicked Doug out after that and said that was the first hour of the show taken care of.
KC Armstrong Calls In. 01/29/08. 6:55am
Howard took a call from KC Armstrong who said that he never sat in his chair. He said that he did drop off some eels in his shitter one time though. Howard gave KC some plugs for his Rio Heroes web site. They weren't going to have him on the show but KC e-mailed Gary and told him about all of this stuff that was going on with him and it didn't sound good so they let him call in.
KC has all kinds of teeth problems and a double hernia as well. He's a mess. He told Howard about the hernia and how freaky that looks. He said that he used to have an innie belly button but now it's an outie. Artie said that Howard has an outie too. Howard said that's an Audi, not an outie.
KC said that he sharted yesterday too when he was e-mailing Gary because he was so nervous about everything. He thanked Howard for letting him plug this stuff and said that they're still his family. He got off the phone a short time later.
Artie said that KC always wanted to go to California and he really likes it out there. Robin said that things don't sound that good for him though.
Howard and the guys spent a few more minutes talking about Doug's picture in the chair. Artie asked if he thinks that Rob Burnett would ever do that over at Letterman and have his kid sit in Letterman's chair. Howard said that Rob would never even think of doing that because he's too busy and too creative to sit his kid in Letterman's chair.
Artie said that he likes that Fred said that he would never do this because he knows that this is what would happen. Fred said that's right and he's not sure what show Doug works for because he should know that this is what would happen too. Artie said that if he's going to sit his kid in Howard's chair, he should stick the kid on the couch too.
In the clip Howard had Juliette Lewis on the phone. Howard wasn't sure if anyone would know who she is. Howard said she's in Natural Born Killers. Howard asked if she's really upset with him. Juliette said she's not. She said that's what her friend did to get something going with him. Howard said he has the feeling if he got her really high he could get her to do some wild stuff in bed. Juliette said that's not the case. Howard said she was wild in Natural Born Killers. He said she has those psycho eyes. Howard said she pulls that off.
Howard said he has this guy Rich in the studio. He said he's an intern there. Howard said he has a story about Juliette. Howard said he looks kind of weird but people say he's the best intern. Howard asked what happened. Rich said he was at club Mai Tai. He said he was on his way to the wash room and some guys were hanging out near the ladies room. He said someone pointed Juliette out. He said he went over and told the guys who she was and Juliette comes running out and said if he has something to say to her then say it to her face. Rich said he didn't know what to do so he just dropped his drink, yelled and ran away. Juliette said that's the craziest story she's ever heard. She said if she was to say that it's out of humor. Rich said she scared him. Juliette said she's impressed with herself then.
Howard said she seems real horny. Howard asked how old she is. Juliette said she's 21. She said she's been doing night shoots lately and her friend asked her to call in. She said her friend is a big fan. Howard asked if she can play a normal person. She said she can. She said she has to play someone interesting though.
Howard asked what she's playing in this next movie and if she gets naked. Juliette said she does get topless but she's tiny. She said her boobs shrink and grow so she's not even sure what size they are.
Howard said Juliette's lips were made for pleasure. Juliette said that's what a 16 year old boy says. Howard said he's 16 inside. Howard asked if she has sex with Brad Pitt. Juliette said she doesn't.
Juliette said it's funny that Howard says she has a hot body. She said she was the outcast in high school. Howard said he can see that. Howard said he can see her blossoming. Howard said he sees her as ugly at times but he wants to do things to her to knock the ugly out of her. Juliette said that's what scares her. She said she doesn't want to provoke that in stalkers. Howard asked if it was hard to act attracted to Woody Harrelson. Juliette said it wasn't that hard. Howard asked if he turned her off. Juliette said no but she has to be really attracted to someone to be that into them.
Howard asked if she's into all kinds of sex including ''the bad place.'' Juliette said that she isn't going to talk about ass sex. Howard had to hit the delay on her when she said that. Howard told her to call it the bad place. She said she's not going to talk about it. Howard said it sounds like she does it but she doesn't want to talk about it. Juliette said she's not having sex at all at this point. She said it's sad.
Howard asked Juliette about her parents and found out they were divorced. She said they've been split up since she was 2. Howard said that's the best kind of girl to get. Howard said it's easy pickens. Juliette said that's not true. Robin asked how long she was with Brad Pitt. Juliette said they went out from when she was like 16 to 20. She said that she has been on her own since she was 15. She said that was to give her control over her money or something.
Howard asked if she moved out of her parents house by 15. Juliette said she wanted to have the freedom to go out and make money like an 18 year old. She said that was just for work. She said she had to go do that.
Howard said Juliette should get a belly button ring. He said it helps with acting. Juliette said that she isn't that hot. She said that Howard is making her sound hotter than she is. She said they're very nice to her though.
Howard asked if she has any show business friends. Juliette said she is friends with a couple of actors. Howard asked if Rodney Dangerfield tried to hit on her. Juliette said he's actually really nice and he didn't.
Juliette told Howard that she was never even alone in a room with Johnny Depp. She said they say in the paper that they dated. She said she never has. Howard said he's cool because he has people dropping dead at his club. Howard said that's cool. Howard said he threw up at the police station too.
Juliette asked what time the show starts. Howard told her he gets up at 4 to get there for 6. She sounded shocked by that.
Howard asked if Juliette has ever gotten into lesbianism. She told him to get off the sex talk. Howard asked if she has ever done auto erotic asphyxiation. She didn't know what that was. Howard let Juliette go a short time later.
Gary The Retard Comedy. 10/17/05. 7:50am
Gary gave Howard a quick update about Cabbie who is in jail right now. He said that Cabbie has about 8 months and 5 days left to go and he's lost 40 pounds so far. Howard said he has to write him another letter. They gave him a plug for his web site FreeCabbie.com. They also talked about how he would really like some dirty pictures but the jail won't allow them unless the ''areas'' are covered up with dots. Gary said that Cabbie got some pictures from Jillian Grace who was on the show and did an issue of Playboy. Gary said he spoke to Cabbie on the phone for a few minutes but it didn't last all that long. He didn't get to ask him about what's going on in his cell and stuff like that. Howard wondered if he's pleasuring himself in the cell while he's in there with another dude. Gary said he thinks that he probably wouldn't care all that much.
Bobo called in and told Howard how great this Double A thing is going to be next week. Howard said he's trying to play it down since Tom bummed him out so much about it earlier in the morning. Another caller told Howard how great the comedy show was that Sal and Richard did with Gary the Retard over the weekend. Even Gary the Retard spent some time on stage and was actually pretty funny. The caller also said that he thought that Gary was going to be there but it turns out that Craig Gass was doing his impression of Gary on a radio show promoting the comedy show and that was what was confusing people.
Sal told Howard that they give Gary the Retard some lines to say when he goes on stage. They will tell him to say ''hail Hitler'' and some other wacky things that would shock the audience and Bob Levy who has no idea what he's going to say. Sal was also saying that the fans out there must think that they're a bunch of racists because they come in and give them some nig*** jokes to use on stage. Sal said he doesn't know what to do so he just high fives the guys who give them the jokes. Sal said that he used to use the N-word in his act but doesn't do that now. Gary said that someone wrote in about the horrible jokes that Sal does on stage and he's been closing his act with a New Orleans joke that's pretty racist. Sal said that he's also got a Jew joke that offends some when he does it. Sal told his New Orleans joke but he said it's all visual. Richard said the look on Sal's face is funny when he's doing that joke.
Sal changed the subject and said that Richard is shooting a DVD of his comedy act but he claims he's doing it so he can study his act to see what he's doing right and wrong. Howard figures he's seen Artie selling his DVD and thinks he could sell it. Howard asked him to tell some of his jokes. Most of his act is too dirty to tell but he told Howard some of his airport jokes about the automatic toilet flushers and how you don't get to look at your creation. Richard was also talking about their flight out to St. Louis and how they had a female pilot that made him really nervous. There was also audio of the woman who was sitting next to Richard the whole flight who had a baby on her lap. The baby cried most of the flight so Richard recorded the crying. The kid was actually talking so Gary said that's the kind of kid you could hit and make shut up. Richard said he thinks that they should put all people with babies and kids in a sound proof room on the plane.
Artie's New Challenger For The Basketball Game In Vegas. 4/3/03. 9:45am
After taking a break Howard had the names of the guys he wanted to expose. He said these guys are hiding behind the corporate company name Telepictures. He said the President is Jim Peritorre and the executive VP is Bruce Rosenblum. Not sure of the spelling for their names though. Howard invited the two of them to come on his show and explain how they developed the show.
Howard took a call from Al Rosenberg who used to work on the show. Al told Howard that he sold Telepictures a new idea based on a home video he had. He said Howard was at his son's Bar Mitzvah so they're going to do a show called ''Howard Comes to my Kid's Bar Mitzvah'' with him. Howard and Al goofed on Don Imus for a couple of minutes. Al said there's no ideas coming out of Imus' show that can be ripped off.
Gary came in a minute later and said they have a WNBA player out in the green room and he had a great conversation with her. He said she thinks there's no way Artie can keep up with her. She's 6'1'' tall. Her name is Marissa Graby(News story) or something like that. Howard said she's actually very pretty for someone that tall. Howard asked her a couple of questions about her dating life and then asked Artie if he thinks he can beat her. Artie quickly said he could. Marissa then told Howard that she played for Penn State for a while and played in the WABA which competes with the WNBA. Gary said there are other women who want to take Artie on in a game of basketball. Marissa thinks she should play Artie because they're closer in height. Artie seems to agree. Howard had her take her shoes off and stand next to Artie. They're almost the same height. Artie said it's a woman and they're going to play a sport so he's definitely going to beat her. Gary said they'd discuss it in their show meeting today and figure out who is going to play Artie for the $10,000. Artie said this chick is a perfect challenge because she's not a pro. If she beats him then his theory is blown. Stuttering John said they have a ton of women who want to take him on. Gary said he thinks he could pull a woman off the street who would be able to beat Artie. Artie agrees that she's a better human specimen than him but they're playing basketball so there's no competition. This game is going to be a 15 point game. Howard said it's great because Marissa is quiet. She'll probably beat him too.
Howard told Marissa that she'll win $10,000 if she beats Artie. If she loses, she should have to kiss Artie full on the lips. Artie suggested that she be forced to make him a full course dinner while he verbally abuses her. Artie has asked to do this on the first day they're out in Vegas. He wants to be able to drink the rest of the time.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Marissa about her breasts and some other stuff like that. Howard said he thinks that she'll blow Artie out of the water in this game. He said he doesn't even think Artie will get 4 points. He was willing to put up $500 with Artie on that bet. Gary asked Marissa how much she played ball when she was in college. She said she played every single day. Marissa said that she's going to try and make Howard's bet happen and not let Artie score more than 4 points.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that he thinks Artie can win. Howard said he has to say that because he's a fat, white guy himself. He said he's ready to take all bets on that too.
Howard took a call from Marissa's boyfriend. He asked him about banging her but the guy wasn't talking. He said that Marissa practiced playing ball with other guys. Robin said if that's the case he's going to lose.
Robin and the other guys were putting money up against Artie. Artie didn't want to bet that much but took three $500 bets with them. Howard said he thinks they're going to do the game with Marissa because she actually showed up at the station. Howard had her show off her body a bit because she said she still works out every day. Howard said she's got a great body from what he could see.
Artie said it's three weeks before they go to Vegas and he's already down two grand. Artie asked Marissa a few questions about her workout and laughed at her when she said she can bench press 115 pounds. He said he hasn't worked out since high school and he could still bench that much. Artie joked that he can't wait to go to Vegas on a Monday night and have a nice warm glass of milk. Marissa said that's a good thing to mention because she grew up on a dairy farm. Gary said she told him earlier that she used to throw big, heavy bails of hay on the farm. Howard had to wrap up everything once again so he could take another break.
Steven Adler From Guns N Roses Comes In. 1/22/97. 9:00am
Steven Adler was the original drummer from Guns N Roses. He was fired from the band for his excessive drug use even though the rest of the band was using drugs at the time. Howard brought up the fact that Steven had a stroke after taking too much cocaine a few years ago. Steven said that he had a stroke and a heart attack and knocked out a tooth when he fell to the floor 3 years ago. He's only done drugs a few times since that day. He's been going to speech therapy during those years also. He really f'd himself up I guess. Steven explained why he was kicked out of Guns N Roses. It was a long story and it sounded like it had a little to do with his drug use and a little to do with a doctors mistake with a prescription. Steven was also in to plug his web site. He sells t-shirts, drumsticks and all that good stuff at http://www.stevenadler.com. Steven had a bunch of people with him at the studio so Howard brought them in to meet them. There were 2 porno stars, Steven's brother and a President Clinton impersonator.. What an odd collection. Steven will be performing with his new band at Billboard Live starting February 24.
Rock And Roll Trivia Game With Fred, Gary And Vinnie. 10/24/00. 7:55am
Fred, Gary and Vinnie Favale (Vice Pres. of late night programming for CBS) are all Rock and Roll trivia buffs so they decided to make a game out of it. Andre the censor who hits the button on Howard all the time, was the one who came up with the questions. He's even more of a RnR trivia buff than anyone else. A stripper by the name of Renee from the Nexus Gold Club was there to turn cards on the board they had set up with the dollar amounts. Howard spoke to her for a minute and got her measurements. They also noticed she was wearing braces. Howard said there's no way he'd ever get oral from a woman who wore braces. It's too dangerous
Howard spoke about each of the contestants then took bets on who would win. Robin picked Vinnie, Howard and Jackie picked Fred to win and Stuttering John picked Vinnie. Gary, wondering why no one bet on him, said ''So am I the dark horse here?'' The jokes about his teeth were too easy so there was just laughter after he said that. Robin said she couldn't believe that he said that. Howard told him he has the teeth of a dark horse. KC came in and bet that Gary would win and took 2-1 odds on it. The buzzers for the contestants were Gary the Retard yelling out ''Gary!'', ''Fred!'' and ''Vinnie!''
The format was like a game of Jeopardy. Some of the categories were:
After that game John the Stutterer came in to play the winner. John had called in recently to say that he was a big RnR trivia guy and Howard had him come in to stutter up a storm. If John wins he would get a trip to Las Vegas to see Blues Traveler at the Hard Rock Hotel. He was thrilled that he could win that great of a prize.
They played for a best of 5 questions and amazingly, John won the contest. He got a couple of the questions right and won the trip. Howard told him he should ask Renee to go with him. She actually said she would go to Vegas with him. Meanwhile, Fred was goofing on his stutter and was making him stutter even worse. They eventually wrapped things up and moved on to other things. You can see Renee at NexusGoldClub.com.
Ike Turner Calls In. 10/17/07. 7:20am
After the break we heard a prank call that Richard made to an adult book store using Mike Walker audio clips. Howard came back a short time later with a Baba Booey song parody playing in the background. He had Ike Turner on the phone so he put him on the air. Ike was pissed off about an article in the National Enquirer so he wanted to call in about that.
Howard said there was something wrong with Ike's phone connection so he asked Will to call him back. The phone was cutting in and out but it was very hard hearing him. Howard told him they might have better luck yelling out the window.
Howard let Ike go and had Will try again. He said that Ike is married to his 15th wife at this point in his life. Artie said he thinks that he's been married 15 times but to 10 women or something like that. Howard said that in the enquirer they claim that he divorced this wife because she tried to poison him but Ike claims that's not true. Howard said that Ike has to be close to 70 at this point. Gary said that he's actually coming up on 76.
Howard said that he has the feeling that they're not going to be able to talk to him on the phone. He said that Ike had a really fucked up life. You think about him beating up Tina Turner in the movie about them but Ike watched his father get lynched by a group of white men. That would screw with anyone's head.
Howard said that Ike claims that the movie ruined his life but he was the one who approved the script. Gary said that they had Ike on the phone and had a good connection. Howard put him back on and heard a woman in the background. Ike said that he had his wife there with him and it's number 14.
Howard said he wanted to let Ike straighten out this National Enquirer thing. He said that they claim that he broke up with her because she tried to kill him with an overdose of pills. Ike said that they're still together though. Howard asked how old Ike is. He said that he's looking 30 but he's 75 years old. He said that the story in the paper is totally fake and he's suing over it. He said that he's upset about the story and he's not sure where they came up with that stuff. Howard asked Ike if this is his final marriage. Ike said he hopes so.
Howard asked Ike if Tina was his first or second wife. Ike said they never got married. Howard said this guy has had so many women that he can't even keep count. He read that he started having sex at the age of 6. He was with a 45 year old woman. Back then they didn't call it child abuse. Ike said he was having fun back then.
Howard read that Ike spent over 11 million dollars on cocaine. Ike said that he used to smoke that stuff back then and Artie said that it goes much quicker when you smoke it. Howard asked Ike about the movie about his life that he claims ruined his life. Ike said that it did ruin his life but Howard thought that he gave script approval. Ike thought that things were going to go differently and he claims that his lawyer may have told him stuff that wasn't true about the movie.
Howard asked Ike about being in jail. Ike said that he saw all kinds of crazy things going on there. Howard asked him about Phil Spector's case and if he thinks he's guilty. Ike said he doesn't think he's guilty at all. Howard asked if Ike ever gave it to Tina in the ass. Ike said that he should know better than that, he doesn't do that stuff. He said that he never did that and never ate ass either. He said that he's totally square.
Howard said he read that Ike had orgied with more than six chicks at once. Ike said that's true. Howard asked him if he has any money in the bank. Ike said that he has money and he's living in a nice place out in California. He has a house out there that's on the water. Howard figured he has money if that's the case. Howard asked him if he has a Jewish guy taking care of his money. Ike said yes to that.
Howard brought up the awful thing that Ike saw as a kid. Ike said that some guys kicked holes in his father's stomach. They then took him out to the swamps and kicked the holes in his stomach and then brought him back home and dumped him off. He said that he didn't see him get lynched like Howard thought he did. Ike said that they wouldn't take his father in the white hospital so he laid there dying for three years at home. He said that you could smell his intestines when he came home from school.
Howard asked Ike when he had his first white woman. He wasn't sure and his 14th wife was mumbling something to him. Howard asked him if she was black. Ike was all over the place talking about the different types of women and eventually told Howard that she's a ''blond haired spook.''
Howard had Ike put his wife Audrey on the phone. She got on and said that she didn't try to kill Ike at all. She said that she's also not afraid of him because he's 75 years old. She said she's been with him for 7 years now and he acts like he's 30. She was totally nude sitting there on the phone so Howard told Ike to do her while they listened. Ike said that would cost them some money.
Howard gave Ike a plug for his web site IkeTurner.com. Ike's wife asked Howard when he banged his first black woman. Howard said he was 50 years old. He was a bit of a late bloomer. Howard read that Ike had never worn a condom in all his years of screwing chicks. He never got any diseases but he has six kids. He said he sees all of them pretty often. Howard told Ike that he had to get going because his phone was cutting out. Gary said he thinks that's because they were on speaker phone. They tried to get that fixed but Ike was having problems.
Howard said that they have to have Ike come in there sometime so they can talk to him in person. Howard said he wants to talk to him about shooting his paper boy one time. He gave him another plug and let him go a short time later.
Howard said he had a lot of great callers for Ike but he just couldn't get to them. Sour Shoes was going to sing for him as Tina Turner. He put him on for a few seconds and let him do his thing before he hung up on him. He mentioned some of the other guys who had good questions for him as well.
First up they played a clip of Robin reading a story about a man who had his penis severed. Robin read the story about how the man met this woman. The woman may have been friends with a woman the guy was accused of killing 14 years earlier. Robin said the man killed the woman for making fun of him for his inability to perform sexually. Robin said he strangled that woman and this other woman ended up cutting his penis off. Robin said that the guy only got 3 years in prison for killing the woman 14 years earlier. Howard said he's amazed that he only got 3 years in prison. Howard said he's glad he got his penis cut off. Howard asked if she used an X-Acto knife. Robin said she did but she doesn't know what that is. Howard described it and Mike Gange came in with one to show her. Howard told Gange to cut off his own penis to show how that would work. Howard said it has a very sharp blade on it. Robin said she thinks the guy had to have been drunk for her to be able to cut his penis off. Robin said they had the penis but it was not able to be reattached. Robin said it was too close to the base to reattach it. Robin said the man's name was Alan Hall. Howard asked if he was in Gilligan's Island. Robin said that was Alan Hale. Robin read more of the story and said the man didn't know what happened until 3 days later. Robin said he only knew the woman as Brenda and they are still searching for her.
In another clip Robin read a story that people had requested she read. Robin said that it's interesting. Robin said this person broke into a nursing home. He stripped, smeared his body with feces and then raped a corpse. Robin said this was a 28 year old man. Robin said that the woman was 83 years old. Howard said he doesn't get the feces part of that story. He said that doesn't make sense to him. Robin said the family of this woman is very upset. They weren't able to make funeral arrangements that night so they covered her body and closed the room. Someone left a window open and that's how the guy got in there. Howard said Sam Kinison said that it never ends. Robin said the people at the nursing home saw that the body had been moved and they found the man sleeping in the room. Robin said the man claimed that the woman had consented to sex. He didn't know she was dead. Howard said that might be how he finally gets Robin. Robin said that's a really cold thing to do to someone.
In another clip Robin read a story about a woman who was finally removed from her toilet seat after 2 years. Robin said the woman was staying in this guy's bathroom and living there. Robin said at some point she decided to just stay on the toilet. The boyfriend called the police and they said that her skin had grown around the toilet seat. Robin said the woman just sat there and her legs had atrophied. Robin said she got some kind of infection so that's why they had to call the police. Howard said you'd think they'd call for help before that. Artie said it is hard to get off the toilet after sitting there a while. Robin said the man and woman had been together for 16 years. Artie said there are a lot of questions about that.
In another clip Robin read a story about governor Spitzer stepping down and had some audio for Howard to play. Howard had some audio of Sal and Richard asking women on the street about why they were mad at Spitzer's wife for making him resign. Howard said one woman sounded like his mom. Howard said he doesn't think he did anything that wrong. He said that President Clinton was getting blow jobs in the White House. Howard ended up doing his Clinton impression for a couple of minutes while he was talking about that. Robin and Howard went over that story for a couple of minutes. Howard made up what a conversation between Clinton and Spitzer might have sounded like. Robin had more audio of some people commenting on the Spitzer scandal. Howard and Robin also talked about the hooker that Spitzer was seeing. Robin asked if a whore can become famous. Howard said sure they can. They wrapped up the news a story time later.
Today's unnamed vacation special was over around 10:25am.
Jon went over the segments they replayed this morning and said he wanted to talk about Richard not being around yesterday. He was up in Boston for the Marathon. His wife ran in it. Richard said it was inspiring and amazing. He said he cried a few times. He said there was a guy who couldn't make it over the line and some runners grabbed him and carried him. He said it was the most amazing thing. He said that's where you see the good in humanity. Jon said Richard's wife finished in under 4 hours. Richard said she only trained for 7 weeks and she had an injury. Richard said it was amazing to be up there. He said it was one of the greatest days of his life.
Jon asked when the drinking started up there. Richard said the marathon started around 9:30 and the drinking started well before that. He said he had some champagne around 6:50am. He said he wasn't drinking alone. He said he was with his wife's friend from college. Richard said they went to this bar called McGreevy's around 8 and it was packed. Richard said they were all celebrating and they had a big water ski with shots on it. He said people were doing Jameson shots at 8 in the morning. Jon said it was also Patriots day up there yesterday.
Jon asked Richard when he was drunk. Richard said he gets to his buzz and keeps it right there. He said he stopped drinking for like an hour or so when he went out to see his wife run by. Richard said he was yelling out ''Cutie! Cutie!'' as she ran by. He said he got a great picture of her.
Jon asked if Richard was drinking on the side of the road. Richard said it was so awesome being up there. He said an American guy won. He said he got to see the woman who ran after being injured last year. He said there was one woman who was running faster than a train was running on the side of the road. Richard said the ability to sprint for 26 miles is just amazing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it was such a great day for the people of Boston yesterday. He said everyone was so untied up there. He said the bombers actually united the city instead of separating them. Richard said it was inspiring. He said they were all thanking the police and cheering the National Guard. He said the whole thing was amazing.
Jon asked Richard when he got choked up. Richard said it was great when they started the marathon. He said that it was really just cool. He said they started the people in wheelchairs and people would cheer for that and then for the men and then the women. He said it was amazing.
Jon asked if Richard cries a lot. Richard said he does. He said it was really special up there though. He Richard said it's great to see humanity at its best. Jon asked JD if he got choked up at all. JD said he might have if he had watched it live. Jon asked if he gets emotional. JD said he does when he watches movies. He said he was watching Saving Mr. Banks and there were some parts where he got misty. He said the movie got to him. Jon asked what parts they were. JD said it was just the whole thing. He said the whole story was emotional for him.
Jon and the guys were talking about the Pirates game yesterday and how Jon and JD were going back and forth joking around about the game.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how old Richard is. Richard said he just turned 40. The caller asked if they're as concerned about his drinking as he is. Jon said Howard has mentioned it. He said Robin has too. Jon said Richard has heard it from everyone. He said that Richard is a functioning alcoholic. Jon said he has never seen Richard out of control. He said he comes to work every day. He said that they do worry about his health long term. Richard thanked the caller for being concerned. He said he gets a physical every 6 months and he's doing fine. Richard said he had high cholesterol when he was heavier so he has to get that checked. Jon said that it's good to get checked out often at their age.
The caller said he stopped drinking when he started doing triathalons. He said 15 beers and drinking so early seems a bit odd to him. He said that he wanted to let Richard know that he's worried. Richard thanked him for that. He said he doesn't usually drink that early. He said he does that on Christmas day and Thanksgiving and sometimes Halloween. Richard said it's rare for him though.
Benjy asked Richard if he feels addicted. Richard said he doesn't shake and he doesn't get sick if he doesn't have it. He said he's sure he is addicted though. He said he knows it's a lot of fun. Richard said he's going to keep going until his doctor says his liver has problems. Benjy said it's too late by then. Richard said he likes it as a reward and he has heard that it's good carbs after a run.
Jon said Richard runs a lot and he's in the best shape he's been in a long time. Jon said he is exercising. He said Richard is thinking short term instead of long term and he gets that. Richard said everyone around there has things they do that aren't that great for them but they enjoy it. Richard said some of them in the room like Filet-O-Fish. JD said he doesn't eat them every day. He said he doesn't eat 15 of them every day. Jon said JD is the only one who he knows that eats them. JD said he hasn't had one in a long time. He said it tastes good to him. They had to take a break a short time later.
Richard asked if he would buy the Magnums to look cool. JD said he'd buy them because he needs them. JD said he might buy other things to mask the condom purchase.
Jon asked if Benjy or Richard get nervous. Benjy said he's not nervous. Richard said he has only done it a handful of times. He said he hasn't had much of a sex life in the past. Jon said JD might get spotted out buying them. JD said no one knows who he is. Richard said if he sees him buying them he'll call TMZ on him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he enjoyed that Rock and Roll Trivia contest today. He asked Jon if he would do a TV trivia game with JD. Jon said he would. JD said Jon would crush him in TV trivia. Jon said Robin watches as much TV as he does and she might be able to take him down in trivia. The caller said it could be Jon, JD and Robin and one listener. He volunteered to be that listener. Jon thanked the caller for the suggestion.
Jon said those trivia games are always fun. He said he loves when Vinnie is involved too. He said he's the worst host when he hosts a game. He said you'd like to think he plays into it but he enjoys being that cheesy host.
Jon said he also likes when the betting starts in the studio like it did with the Artie basketball game. Jon asked if they have ever gotten caught up in that. JD said he remembers betting on something with someone about George Takei narrating a documentary. He said that he was an intern at the time. He said he never had to pay because he was an intern at the time.
Jon said Stuttering John rarely lost when he bet on stuff. Richard said his favorite bet was when the Howard TV guys bet that Scott wouldn't go in and mess with Howard's board. Jon said he'd like to talk to Scott about that. He said that the bet was for Scott to go into the studio during the show and mess with Howard's board. He said Scott took the bet. He said he was messing with it during the show. Richard said he found out about it somehow too. Jon said he's sure someone ratted him out about that. Jon said he wonders what Scott was thinking at the time. Richard said he probably thought Howard wouldn't notice.
Scott came in so Jon asked how much the bet was for. Scott said it was $100. He said it was Johnny Fratto who threw the money down. He said one of the microphones was too low. Jon asked what he was thinking. Scott said he was going to go in and fix it either way. He said he took the bet. He said no one can keep their mouth quiet about anything there. Scott said he was in the TV control room at the time. He said it wasn't just to change something.
Jon said his favorite thing was when they sent Steve Langford into the studio when he wasn't supposed to be in there. Richard said Ronnie still thinks that was a great prank.
Jon asked Scott how that came about. Scott said he was cutting up some stuff in his studio and he had a clip of Howard saying ''And here's Steve Langford with the news.'' He said he just played it in his studio and Steve barged right into the studio. He said he thought Howard was calling for him but he wasn't. That got found out and they found out that Scott and Ronnie were the masterminds there. Richard said Howard asked ''Can I help you Steve?''
Jon said Richard did a prank with Howard too. Richard said he had a fake MRSA sore on his arm. He said the prank was that his buddy made his sore look like something out of a zombie movie. He figured Howard was going to freak out and kick him out. He said that's what Howard did but the prank wasn't worth it.
Jon asked Benjy if he has ever pranked Howard. Richard said he wore that dress thing that one time. Benjy said that wasn't a prank. He said he can't remember doing a prank on Howard at all. He said he's not against it morally though.
Shuli came in and said that they did a prank to Scott where they all got Sirius Stilettos and they took Scott's radio out and put a book in his. He said that Scott took that book out and he was pissed. Scott said that was a little annoying. Benjy asked how he found out that it was a prank. Scott didn't remember. The book was ''Where the Red Fern Grows.'' They had to take another break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked JD why he never gives a straight answer. JD said he doesn't know. He said things are not always black and white. The caller did his impression of JD not coming up with an answer and saying ''Uhhhh''. The caller said JD is getting to the point right now but not usually.
Jon took a call from a woman who said the worst prank ever done to Howard was when Sam Kinison pranked Howard with Bon Jovi and the band never showed up. Jon said that started a long war with Sam and the band. Jon said that was an excellent example. Shuli said that led to the ''Man/Dude'' fight where Howard and Sam kept saying man and dude a lot.
Jon took a call from a woman who said every time she hears Richard on the show she smiles. She said she loves that he wears his heart on his sleeve. Richard thanked her for that. She asked Richard how he was discovered on the show. Richard said he started leaving a lot of messages on Gary's phone and messages for Robin and things like that. Then he started calling KC Armstrong's voice mail and left messages for him. He said he got known for sending in songs and stuff. Then Stuttering John left and they opened up a contest for fans to come in and try to take his job. Richard said he was one of the finalists and he ended up winning the contest.
Jon asked how KC felt about those songs. Richard said he loved them. He said he went up to KC at an appearance once and he told him who he was and KC was thrilled. Richard said he took it well and it was all light hearted stuff.
JD said KC always came in and previewed his songs in the studio he was in and KC always laughed when he heard Richard's songs. Richard said it's cool when someone makes a song about you. He said he actually ordered that poster KC had with his shirt off. He said he got one for himself and one for his buddy Jason in Florida for a gift. He said his friend put it on his ceiling above his bed. Jon said that's probably the best time to end the show. The guys all got in their plugs and they were done around 11:15am.
TDiHH: Gary Puppet And Scott's Wig - 1994. 07/21/11. 7:20am
Next up we heard a segment from 1994. In this clip Howard and Robin were talking about how hot it was in the studio. Howard said that he thought Scott was going to be checking the air conditioning temperature every day. He said he's all dressed up for Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said he wanted to be dressed nice but now he's sweating. Howard said he wants to have a meeting with the E! TV show people right now. He called them in there to talk about this problem.
Howard talked to Scott Einziger from E! about the temperature and how they have to get there 2 hours early and turn it down. Howard said it won't cool down in there for a few hours. He said Ralph told him not to take off his vest but he has to because he's so hot. Howard said he thought they ordered some new air conditioning for this studio.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that the temperature was set where the marks were at. Gary said it was actually way above. Scott claimed he checked it but Howard didn't believe him. Howard said he wants the Gary puppet to come in and talk to Scott's wig.
Howard said that Scott the Engineer is in charge of the air conditioning and Scott Einziger is in charge of checking his work. Howard said he wants to work Scott's wig like a puppet. He said he's going to have that talk to the Gary Puppet. Howard had the guys pull up Scott's wig and hooked a fishing pole up to it so he could raise it up. That took a couple of minutes. Ralph was the one trying to get it working. Howard told Ralph not to hook it up, just work it manually. Then they got it on and Howard did his thing.
Howard said this was Scott's wig talking to the Gary puppet. Howard did his Scott impression and moved the wig up and down so it appeared that the wig was talking. Fred worked the Gary puppet and did that for a couple of minutes.
Various Stuff. 8/13/01. 6:05am
Howard brought up last Friday's vacation day and how Howard went out and spent the weekend at Dominic Barbara's house on Shelter Island. He said it's very weird to use the guy's house because he begs him to use it. Then Howard said he noticed that Dominic keeps all kinds of video tapes of his show all over the house. Richard Jeni said maybe Dominic even has hidden cameras taping Howard while he stays there.
Howard complained about Dominic's many remote controls and how he had about 12 of them plus one universal remote that didn't work correctly. Howard said he got pissed and threw all of the remotes on the floor because he got so pissed. He said that Dominic needs to get someone in there to do all of this stuff correctly. The guy has plenty of money to get it done right so he should be able to have a remote that works right. Howard also complained that Dominic has stick-free pans that are all scraped up from metal utensils. Howard bought a new one because he doesn't like metal scrapings in his cooked eggs. He also had to buy new scrubby sponges because Dominic hasn't replaced them in ''15 years'' Howard says. Howard also said that he and his girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night to a loud banging sound. Howard had to get up in the middle of the night to find out what it was. It turned out to be the pump for the pool that was causing problems and Howard had to go down to a dark, wet basement to figure out how to shut it down. It was one big nightmare for him. He said he's never going there again because there were horseflies biting him while he was laying out in the sun.
Dominic called in and defended all of these things that Howard complained about but Howard says he's not going back there. He went on to complain about everything that went wrong and how Dominic needs to fix up this house of his. He also complained about the ferry that he had to take out to the island. There was enough to complain about to kill a half hour worth of show this morning. Howard ended up thanking Dominic for letting him stay out there anyway. Even after all of the complaining Howard said he had a nice weekend away from the city.
Howard spent a few minutes discussing the movie's that were out this weekend. Stuttering John does a voice in the new movie ''Osmosis Jones '' but Robin said he was barely in the thing. John said he read 100 lines for the movie but only about 3 made it in.
Who's The Biggest Narcissist On The Show? 10/17/06. 7:45am
Howard had Professor Mark Young on the phone to talk about who the biggest narcissist was on the show. Mark gave everyone an exam to fill out so he could figure that out. Mark said he teamed up with Dr. Drew Pinsky to collect some data about this subject.
Howard said that Mark warned them that they might go nuts when they hear the stuff he has to say about them and he wanted them to sign releases before he would come on the air. Howard said that they'd probably be proud of being a narcissist if it came out like that.
Howard told Mark to forget about the explanation and just tell them who the biggest narcissist is. Mark told Howard that it's Robin. She had a score of 34 on his test that they sent to them. He said that the average is 15 or so. Mark said that the average for celebrities is about 17.8 and for female celebrities it's around 19. Mark said that the test is broken down into a bunch of components to figure out where they stand. He said that she scores an 8 out of 8 as far as authority and high scores in other sections where they test people about their superiority and other things.
Mark said that it doesn't mean that Robin is a bad person. He said that being in a relationship with her might be kind of shaky though.
Mark gave a rundown of what the other scores were with the people on the show. Here's how they ranked...
Ralph called in and said that what makes it worse for Robin is that the questions were very obviously leading her to where she ended up. He said that some of the questions were like ''Do you think that the world would be a better place if you ruled it.'' Robin said that she didn't answer that with a 'yes.'
Fred was reading the definition of narcissist and a lot of the stuff in the definition related to Robin. She was very upset that she had won that spot on the show. The definition said that a narcissist is someone who envy's other people's positions so that was about right with her reaction to coming out in first place and complaining about it.
Howard said that it sounded like the professor was going to fall off his chair when he read Robin's results. Howard joked that God only scored a 28 on that test. Ralph was laughing at her and Howard said that he loves her but she does exhibit some narcissistic tendencies. He said that they're going to be replaying one of the old shows on Master Tape Theatre where Robin went off on him for not getting her a good enough birthday gift. He said he was listening to the tape himself and yelling at the radio as if he had gone back to that moment. He said that's going to make for a great Master Tape Theatre.
Howard said he thinks that he's a much better person thanks to his 9 years of therapy. He said he's way happier thanks to that therapy.
Mackenzie Phillips comes in. 8/27/96.
You might remember Mackenzie from that 70's show, One Day At A Time. She played the older sister. Her father is Papa John Phillips of the Mama's and the Papa's(I think). You might be wondering what Mackenzie would be doing with Howard. Well she and Howard met at the hair salon where Howard is getting his hair done now. Mackenzie talked about her father and his amazing bad luck. He's had a liver transplant and just recently had double hip replacements! Mackenzie also talked about her past drug and alcohol abuse. She was very open and had a lot of fun with Howard. She left the studio but after a commercial break Howard found out that Mackenzie didn't get to a great sex story. Mackenzie came back into the studio and told a story about how Mick Jagger had sex with her when she was 18! Mick and Papa John were hanging out one time and Mick fooled John into leaving Mackenzie and himself alone. Mick locked the door as Papa John left and got to banging her. Papa John came back banging on the door and Mick just told him to go away. He did and the rest is history...for Mackenzie that is. Mick didn't use a condom and he didn't pull out. Mackenzie's lucky that she didn't have Mick's kid! So Mackenzie is getting her life back together after 5 years of sobriety. She's going to be starring in 'Grease' on Broadway.
In the clip Howard asked for the guys to bring in some caviar so he could taste it. Howard said when he was a kid he found out it was very expensive. He said a moderately priced caviar was about $130 for 14 ounces. Howard said he was on a flight where they served some with crackers. Howard said he treated himself on the flight he had some with champagne. Howard said his father told him how they get it by beating fish over the head and taking the eggs out of the fish. Howard said he heard that and didn't want to think about a fish getting beat over the head. Howard said he told his kids to stop eating so much of the stuff. He said his wife told him it was only $29 a jar. Howard said he didn't know it was that cheap.
Howard said he thought the stuff came in a jar but it also comes in a tin. Howard said he didn't know you could get it for 29 bucks. He said he felt like a douche bag telling them that it was expensive. Gary said he called a place and asked what their most inexpensive Beluga caviar was. He said they don't sell inexpensive and it was $800 for 14 ounces. Howard said he was so embarrassed telling his kids not to eat so much. Howard said the 29 buck stuff tasted good to him. He said he would have believed it was $500.
Gary had two Caviars and they had one that was $20 for 16 ounces. The other was $100 for 7 ounces. Howard said he's going to try the black one first. Howard tried it with some melba toast and some onion. He said it's very fishy but good. Howard said he has to clear his palate. Howard tried the yellow caviar next. Howard said he knows which one is better. He wasn't going to say before some other people tried it.
Jackie had some and said it was a little much. Howard told the guys to try each one. Robin said Fred only got one kind. Howard told her to try it. Robin said she really didn't want to. Howard said there is a distinct difference. Robin tried the yellow first. She wasn't able to eat it. Howard asked what's worse, when a man... Robin said it's the same taste. Robin said the black was worse.
Howard said the black is very salty. He said that has to be the cheap one. Gary said he's incorrect. He said the black was the expensive one. Howard said he would have thought it was the opposite. Robin said it was horrid. Howard said the black stuff was really salty. Howard said that's what New Years Eve was like. He said for $29 he did alright. Howard said he could eat that all day long. He said if Robin tastes like that he could eat her all day too.
Jackie said the more you eat the better it tastes. He said it's good in small doses though. Robin really didn't like it. She said there is no reason to eat it unless there is no food left.
Howard asked the guys if they had been to the health store down the street. Stuttering John said he goes there. He said he has tried a vegetable chili on rice. Howard asked Robin what would be in that. Robin said she has no idea. Howard said he figured she would know. Kathy Tobin came in and said she has a veggie burger from that place.
Howard said he is so fat he can't fit in his pants. He said that he has to lose some weight. He said he wanted some chopped up broccoli, mushroom, eggplant and chicken. they don't have chicken there. Howard said he doesn't want Tofu. Robin said that's a natural product. Howard didn't know that. He thought it was man made. Howard said he'd like them to make him this meal he's thinking about. Robin said he might have to make it at home. Howard said he's bored with his meal. He said he wants something different.
Howard told John to get that woman Joy on the line for him. John said she just called and she wants to deliver his food for him. Howard told John to get her on the phone.
Steve Grillo told Howard that Joy was on the phone. Howard said he has to lose some weight. Stuttering John was still trying to get Joy on the line. He had her a second later. Howard told Joy what he wanted from her. He said the lunch was great yesterday but he wanted some protein. Howard said he wanted broccoli, mushroom, eggplant and some canola oil dressing. He said he hardly wants any oil. He said some garlic and onions would be good. He said maybe some vinegar too. Joy said she can do that. Howard asked how she makes butternut squash. Joy told him what they use and how simple it is. Howard said it tastes too good to be that simple. Howard said he'll talk to Joy more tomorrow. She said she wanted to put him on a program so he can lose weight. Howard
Howard said he may go to bringing and purging. He said that might be a way to lose weight. Robin said that one of the Barbie twins overdosed on laxatives. Grillo said he had to do that too. He said when he was wrestling he had to lose weight. He said some of the wrestlers would be incontinent. He said he had a friend who had to run off the mat to the bathroom. Gary said there were guys who would puke to make weight. Grillo said he knew a guy who would masturbate to make weight. He said there was a guy who would spit in a cup to lose weight too. Howard told Grillo to get out of there and get his lunch instead of talking about puking and spitting.
Howard said he should skip lunch but he really cant. Gary came in and said that he's laughing at them over this. He said the day it snowed last week he had to drive home and he ate 3/4 of a bag of Chips Ahoy. Howard said Gary has gotten really fat. Gary said if he goes to reduced fat cookies he's on a diet. Gary said he still fits into his jeans. Howard said his are ripping. He said he has to lose weight. Robin said she's trying to help. Howard said she's not goofing on him too bad.
Howard said he had to take a break. Robin said she's still not talking to Gary. Howard said he'd be happy if they never spoke. Howard said the two of them were fighting during the commercial break. He said he was reading something and though they were kidding around. Gary said it wasn't that big of a deal. He said he feels that Robin rides him and he can be overly sensitive to that. He said he may have misinterpreted it. Robin said he's been doing that all morning. Gary said Robin thinks everything is a radio bit. He said Howard wouldn't even notice the Post-It notes if Robin didn't point them out. Robin said she's quitting over this. Howard asked how many times she's going to quit her job. Robin said it's always over something like this too.
Howard said he went to read a fax and he heard Gary and Robin going at each other. Howard said Robin asked Gary about the caviar thing and Gary went off on her. Gary said Robin rides him so hard all day that he felt he had to. Robin said Gary keeps screaming at her too. Gary said that Robin asked him if the caviar would go bad sitting out. Robin said she was wondering if they could tell the difference a day later if it sat out.
Gary said he knows the guys in the studio like him but he can't tell if Robin does. Robin said it doesn't matter if she likes him or not. Robin said she doesn't have to like him.
Howard said Robin wasn't cruel to Gary. He told Gary to go have a cookie. Howard said they were going to take a break and move on.
Elton John Calls In. 12/16/98. 8:00am
Legendary singer/songwriter/homo Elton John called in from London to promote the new South Park Chef Aid album. Elton does a song on there called ''Chocolate Salty Balls'' with Issac Hayes. Howard hasn't spoken to Elton since the mid 1980's when Elton did an original song for him. The song still gets played on the show once in a while. It's called ''Why Isn't Howard Stern On TV.'' Howard spoke to him about that and Robin told him that she sees him at the Rain Forrest concert every year. Howard also brought up some people who bad mouth Elton for no good reason. Howard called Noel Gallagher of Oasis a ''Dick'' for bad mouthing Elton about his fund raising after Lady Diana died in her car crash. Elton said he gets that kind of crap from a lot of people. Keith Richards from The Rolling Stones also calls Elton names for some reason. Howard heard that Elton and Billy Joel had some kind of feud going on but Elton denied that. Elton was very willing to talk about anything and everything but he was cursing up a storm. Howard had to hit the delay a bunch of times so a lot of the interview was lost. He said the f word and the s word a few too many times. Howard found out that Elton tried Viagra just to see what it was like. He said it just happened a couple of weeks ago. Howard said that his boyfriend probably couldn't walk for 4 days after that. Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Elton and most of them were okay but there were a couple of guys who goofed on him for being gay.
Another Round Of Anal Ring Toss. 02/06/04. 8:20am
Howard moved on to the Anal Ring Toss game. They had a new girl in to play the game. Howard was really impressed with the girls they bring in. This guy Chester Molester (ChesterMolester.com) was there since he was the one who invented the game. Taylor said that she just turned 21 years old. Chester said they ran into her out at a bar one night and became good friends with each other. Chester said they're out playing Anal Ring Toss just about every night at bachelor parties and stuff.
Howard spoke to Taylor a little bit and she'll be the one holding the stick in her ass. The girl they used last time, Cat, is busy doing taxes for people since she's an accountant.
KC came in and said that Jon Bon Jovi was there so he might want to come in and play some Anal Ring Toss. Howard said he may not want to come in because he's the owner of an Arena Football team.
Howard asked the 21 year old if they could feel her boobs and touch her ass if they win. Artie is the Lord of the Anal Rings of course. Gary came in and said that he explained the game to Jon and he laughed harder than he'd ever seen but he's going to pass on playing. Howard said he's pussy whipped and that's why he's not playing.
Howard talked to the girls a little more about sex stuff for a short time. One girl said she's only had about six guys in her life. She's had some girls as well. She said that she didn't get into that until she met Cat.
Howard said that Artie would be going first in the game. The 21 year old stuck the stick in her ass and got ready for the rings to be tossed. Artie got all three of his rings on the pole. Howard knew he had no chance after seeing that. They decided to move the line back and had the girl move up so there was more room between them. Gary ended up getting just one ring after the move. Artie got up again and tossed his rings. He got two rings that time. Stuttering John got up and threw his rings. He got just one ring. Howard then went up and tossed his rings. He missed a couple and gave up.
Artie got to feel up Taylor since he'd won. The guys told him to really grab her ass and smack her around a bit. Taylor played along and asked him to spank her hard and stuff like that. Artie was all revved up and doing his AC/DC impression as he yelled at her to do stuff.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Taylor about having sex with Cat the other night. She told him about Cat wanting to give her a little loving before she left for New York. They both performed oral on each other. The delay was hit a couple of times during the segment so we missed out on some of the conversation. Howard had to wrap up the segment to get to Jon Bon Jovi.
Chester told Howard they have a thing they'll do next time called Double Anal Death where they have people who tie throw rings at two girls. Howard said he cant' wait for that to happen. He let them go after that and had Jon come in.
Jon Bon Jovi Comes In. 02/06/04. 8:45am
Jon came in looking like a businessman according to Howard. He said it was a good move for him to buy a football team. Jon said he has a partner in the team plus Ritchie Sambora has a two percent share of it as well. Jon said he's a huge football fan and wanted to be able to watch football for an extra 16 weeks. Howard asked him what it costs to get a team like that. Jon said that a team just sold for $16 million recently. He and Howard talked about what goes on there and how much stuff is involved in running the team. They do get some money from NBC to run the games on the network.
Howard wondered why Jon didn't buy a Jersey team. He said that team moved to Vegas and they weren't available. He ended up getting the Philadelphia team instead. Howard said Jon looks like a real business man now. Robin said he used to come in dressed wearing leather pants with his long hair.
Howard asked Jon about who hires the players and all of that. Jon said that he's smart enough to let the coach hire the players. He said they also have cheerleaders and he went to both tryouts for that. He said he wasn't going to miss that. Howard said he thinks Jon is banging some of those chicks but Jon said that's not happening.
Jon told Howard that he's into every aspect of the team other than the players. He said that he had to come up with the name of the team and a bunch of other stuff like that. He invited Howard to come down to see one of the games sometime. He claims that the games are sold out already.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Jon. One caller said that the NY Jets sold for about $600 million a few years ago and Jon probably couldn't afford that. Howard said that Jon has that kind of money and he could afford that. A caller suggested that Jon have an anal ring toss game during the half time show of one of his games. That led to Jon and Howard talking about the Janet Jackson boob thing. Both of them said that they should just get over it and move on already, it was just a boob.
Howard said Jon and the guys changed all of their songs and put out a new album, ''This Left Feels Right: Greatest Hits With a Twist,'' a short time ago. Howard said he got very upset over that. Jon told him that a lot of people got upset that they did that to their hit songs. Howard played some of the new stuff and said he was kind of digging it. When he played ''Livin on a Prayer'' he said that's the one that pissed him off.
Jon told Howard that he looks really skinny to him these days. He and Howard spent a short time talking about that and about each other's lives. Howard also asked Jon about who he's hanging out with these days. Jon mentioned some of the guys he's mentioned in the past. He's still hanging out with the same guys he's hung out with for years. He hasn't seen Bill Clinton in a while now but he has hung with him before.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Jon. One woman was really annoying so Howard hung up on him. Vinnie Favale called in and said that Jon just came up with a script about wife swapping that he's going to star in. Howard played one of Vinnie's love tapes and said that it was a scene from the movie. Howard asked Vinnie if he was on his way over to coddle David Letterman. He said he was on his way in to work so Howard ended up telling Jon about what Dave did when a snow boarder wiped out during his show yesterday. He didn't finish taping the show and didn't tape the second show because he was at the hospital making sure the woman was okay.
Howard gave Jon a couple of plugs for the ''This Left Feels Right Live'' DVD that's coming out next week. He took a couple more phone calls and one woman said she'd do anything to meet Jon. She said she'd even play Anal Ring Toss and hold the stick for the game. Howard put her on hold and said they'd have her in next time Jon is on.
Jon told Howard about the movie that he wrote and what the plot was. He said the movie is really about the repercussions of what would happen if a couple did swap wives. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then Howard played some more stuff from the ''This Left Feels Right'' album. Howard sang along to it as well.
Robin asked Jon what the band would sound like if they were just starting out today. He said he wasn't sure because he tunes in to MTV and sees all of the stuff they're putting on and it's not that good. Howard sang some more songs on his own. Artie got in on it as well and sang a couple of Bon Jovi Songs as Brian Johnson from AC/DC. Howard said they should do a tribute album to Bon Jovi doing the songs like that. Howard gave Jon a couple more plugs in for his football team the Philadelphia Soul and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
First up they played a news segment where Robin read a story about how some Japanese mothers, whose kids are getting low grades, will give their sons oral sex to keep them focused on their homework. Howard asked if they get anal if they get on the honor roll. Howard said he thinks his mom would have done that but she didn't think of it. Robin read about why some mothers are doing this because their kids are reading pornographic magazines instead of studying. Robin said the boys grades went up after this was done. Robin read about a 28 year old woman who let her son watch her undress and that got his grades up. Robin said some families are hiring tutors to get naked for their sons. Howard said that would have been great for him. He said he'd rather have that than his mother getting naked. Howard said eventually we'll be defeated by that. Howard said kids are going to be asking for more homework. They played an audio clip from a porn movie while they were talking about that.
Next up they played a segment where Robin read a story about Hooters airlines and how they were going to be starting up soon. Howard said that makes him feel very safe knowing that exists. Robin said it begins flying that week. Robin read the details of what that's going to be like. Howard wondered if it's like the club and there are nice looking girls paying attention to ugly guys. Robin said that's exactly what it's like. Howard said he wishes that Scores would start an airline. He said he's been begging Lonnie for that. Howard made some announcements as the pilot talking about how they have two black boxes on the flight. One is that box that records the flight. The other is one of the flight attendants. Howard pointed out that they have a ''blonde box'' on the flight too.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a teacher who was accused of having sex with her student. Howard said that happens a lot. Howard said that she's smokin' hot too. Howard said he would have loved school if that happened to him. He said he was so ready for that activity at 13. Robin said she lived in the boy's house for a while too. Howard said that kid must have ultra-confidence. Robin said they don't say how it came to light that this was going on. Howard said he needed someone to teach him the ways of the world. Howard said he knows he could have scored if he had a little stank on his hang low. Howard said he had one hot teacher when he was in 2nd grade. He said her name was Miss Weinstock. He said he used to stare at her. Robin said he was probably about 7 at the time. Howard said he wishes she would have taken him into her room and taught him the ways of the world. Howard said she was something back then. Robin said that she could get up to 100 years in prison for that.
Howard said he wasn't that developed at 13. He said that might have freaked her out. Howard said he didn't have hair down there. He said he looked like a baby. He said he still looks like a baby but with hair down there. Howard said he never grew down there. He said he never did mature like Dr. Lou told him he would. He said he even showed it to Lou. He said he never showed it to his dad though. He said he's like a flat chick with a bra. He said he had nothing down there. Howard said he had Lou check it out and he told him he just hadn't matured yet. Howard said it never happened.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a new fad in Taiwan where they drink urine. Howard said Jackie's mom would like that. He said Jackie threw urine in his mom's face once. Jackie said that's not true. Robin read more of the story and why people are drinking their urine daily. Howard said there is no way you should drink your own urine. Robin said there was a guy who said that he began drinking it when he was trapped in an underground shelter during World War II. Howard said he has had a doody sandwich but not a urine drink. Robin said this guy appeared to be 40 but he was actually 64. He explained that he looks young because he had been drinking urine. He became a hero and then a movement started where people drink their urine. Robin said they say morning urine is the best. Howard said there is no reason to do this. Howard said there are no animals who drink their own urine. Robin said they say that a young boy's urine can clear up vision and clear phlegm. Robin said they say that urine can have over 200 components. It can also cure things from a common cold to cancer. Howard said people are searching for the fountain of youth. He said it doesn't work. Howard said it's like people who move to Florida thinking it's going to be great and then they move back 3 weeks later.
Robin read more about the urine and Howard said if it was healthy then you'd see animals doing it. Robin said she has never seen her cats doing it. She said they hate their own urine. Howard said they should.
In the next clip Robin read about some kids who were arrested for giving a wedgy to a kid. Howard said that you can do some really painful ones. He said you lift up on the underwear and push down on the kid. Howard said the move you have to get down is punching the kid while he's giving you a wedgy. Howard said he was able to do that when he was a kid. Howard said they tried to give Dan Foreman a wedgy and he fought them off. Howard said the underwear is really strong these days so you could hang all day in them. Howard said it's one of the funniest things in history though. Gary came in and told a story about this guy who was like 200 pounds who gave them wedgies. He said he did it to them a lot of times. Gary said he had it done to him 2 or 3 times in a weekend. He said it leaves a rash too. He said it's really painful. Howard asked if he could have kicked his ass. Gary said the guy was twice the size of him. Robin said Gary has a story for every experience they bring up. Gary said he played a lot of sports and things as a kid so he does have stories. Robin read about what these guys have to do to get out of going to jail.
Today's special was over around 10:20am.
Favreau said that he listens to the show all the time but doesn't know the faces. He said it's different when you meet people. Jon said that JD made zero eye contact. Favreau said they have that director bond though. JD said he didn't want to bother him. Jon said he's a guest though so it's okay to talk to him. JD mumbled something and just gave up saying he hates this. Jon said JD's star has risen over the years. Favreau said that they must have 10,000 hours now. He said they're a veteran crew.
Jon said that Favreau is a superfan of the show. He said Howard is out in L.A. this week but they're thrilled to have him there. Favreau asked if he's missing a Kimmel party this week. Jon said he thinks there wasn't one. He said Howard is busy working on AGT this week. Jon asked if he has been to those parties. Favreau said that he has been there. He said it's fun to see Howard but it's also fun to see the people who come to see Howard. Favreau said it's not just people associated with the show. Favreau said it's fun and Kimmel is a great host... not a TV host but a social host.
Jon asked when those things happen is it fun to see people getting giddy around Howard. Favreau said that it is. He said Howard jokes around that he's not comfortable in crowds but he finds that he is very nice and endearing.
Jon asked when Favreau got into the Stern show. Favreau said that he used to listen on his way to school. He said now he's the King of All Media but back then he was doing crazy stuff and making the whole drive great. He said Howard was supposed to come to his school for prom. He said a girl asked him and then the school asked him not to come and he didn't show up.
Favreau said Howard was on K-Rock when he was in college so he listened then too. He said he feels like he grew up with him. Jon asked about the Iron Man helmet he gave Howard and how Howard gave him such a rough time over that. Favreau said that Ralph was part of that too. He said he and Howard have spoken since then and he has given him some other stuff. He said that he also made reference to Howard in Iron Man with ''Senator Stern''.
Jon asked if he ever considered Howard for a part in a film. Favreau said that he thinks Howard is really good and he would. Jon wondered what Howard would do if he had that offer. Favreau said that he could be a calligrapher or a photographer or something. He said he likes the renewed enthusiasm for being creative. He said most people don't go in that direction.
Jon said that Bill Lawrence was sitting in last week and he was talking about how you stop working at that age and you enjoy what you earned. He said Howard is going out and trying new things. Jon said he didn't do that before. Favreau said he thinks that Howard has a great balance in his life and he's enjoying himself. He said he would like to hear him every day but he likes that he's finding a formula that works. He said he loves the interviews Howard is doing now and he isn't all about worrying if he's entertaining the audience. He said he's getting more in depth and he gets great interviews. He said his enthusiasm is very infectious.
Jon asked Favreau about how a Howard interview compares to other interviews out there. Favreau said he thinks that Howard does a tremendous amount of research. He said it doesn't feel like the conversation doesn't have any direction. He said these people are usually happy about that and they get out of that cycle of answering the same questions over and over. He said most people know Howard because he's an icon. He said they're excited to be in the studio or he has a long standing relationship with them. Favreau said you tend to get a relaxed, casual interview with them. He said the younger people want to be a good guest too and that shows.
Jon said JD has the opportunity to direct an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. He asked if he has any advice for him. Favreau asked Benjy to write him a note for a funny answer. He said that TV shows that have been on for a long time is a good place to learn. He said it will go on with or without him. He said the actors don't need to be coaxed into a good performance. He said they're having fun and it's a good opportunity to make some creative choices. Favreau said it's like bowling without a gutter. Favreau said that directing is just about point of view and he has to think about that. He told JD to make some creative choices and aim high. He said he kind of cant fail so it's a good opportunity. He said he'll get on IMDB and he's got experience. Favreau said that people will check him out and he can grow into that. Favreau said it's a great show and a great opportunity so he should take it seriously. JD said he's going to take it seriously.
Benjy said when JD wants something he has no problem communicating it. He said when there are no boundaries he has a little more trouble communicating that. Favreau said that some directors are very social but there are some that don't talk a lot. He said that the people will work around JD's personality. He said as long as he's not abusive they're going to follow his lead. He said he could be that mysterious person whose still waters run deep. He said he doesn't think JD can fail there though.
Jon asked Favreau what his directing style is. Favreau said that it depends on the person he's working with. He said he tries to get the casting just right. He said after that most of your job is done. He said as long as you can tell the actor what the story is then they will come up with the specifics. He said you sit back and watch the monitor and figure out how to make it work better. Favreau said it's like being a golf caddy and just set them up to do their job. Favreau said sometimes it doesn't matter what you say. He said once they're at a certain level they can come up with something interesting.
Jon asked JD if he has anything planned yet. JD said he hasn't seen the script yet. He said that he's supposed to be there for the table read and all of that. He said he's still trying to figure out how many set ups he wants and things like that. He said he's just going to do one scene in the show. Favreau said that in TV they do a lot of set ups. He said if they use multiple cameras they can improvise a lot. He said he thinks JD will be covered. He said he's thinking that they're looking for JD to bring a point of view. He said he has to read that scene and think about what's funny and what has to be communicated in the scene. He said he has to bring his personality into that scene.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Favreau if he wanted to be an actor or a director. Favreau said he went out there to act. He said he moved to Chicago first. He said they had a big improv community out there. He said he loved that part of Chicago. Favreau said he wanted to give it a shot out there in Second City. He said he sold T-shirts and washed dishes there. He said he met a lot of great people. He said Chris Farley was there and so was Mike Myers and Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert. He said he got cast in Rudy out of Chicago. Favreau said after he got Rudy he got an agent and moved to L.A. and then wrote Swingers. He said he got directing offers off of that and that slowly worked into Elf and then Iron Man. Favreau said he can do a little bit of everything now.
Benjy asked if he packed up a car and just moved out there. Favreau said he did. He said he moved out the week Wall Street crashed like it did in the Wolf of Wall Street. Favreau said he bought a Harley and made his way across the country.
Jon asked Favreau about this new movie ''Chef'' he has coming out. Favreau said this movie just popped into his head and he write it really quickly. He said that was about 20 years ago. He said he loves the food world and he loves starring in something he wrote. He didn't plan on it but he saw Louis C.K. and Lena Dunham doing it so he wanted to give it a try again. Favreau said that he is used to working with big names in a movie and he knew this was something he needed to do. He said he loves how it came out and he loves how it came out. He said he had freedom to do whatever he wanted to do. He said sometimes it's nice to be able to do a solo and not worry about anything.
Jon said that they have their own unique opinions about food there. He asked Favreau if he has been a foodie kind of guy. Favreau said that he loves food and he always has. He said the movie is about a guy who is consumed with food. Favreau said that Howard wants to do his show the way he wants but he loves it when the fans like the way he's doing it. He said it's kind of like being a chef in that way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they are in the presence of greatness today. He said that Howard won't be around forever so they should get to know Favreau. The caller said that Favreau has made some really great movies but his best of all time is Elf. He said that's in heavy rotation at his family's house all Christmas long. He said it's an annual event at his house and it's great to have it. Favreau said he's very proud of that movie. He said that was their dream to be part of the TV rotation with that movie. He said Peter Billingsly did a cameo in the movie. He said he talked to him about A Christmas Story. Favreau said that he signed a Red Rider BB gun for him and he's really built a career as a director since then. He said he doesn't think he resents that at all. He said he embraces his role as Ralphie in that movie. Favreau said he was hoping he'd be their good luck charm in the movie and that's the way it turned out.
Jon said that's a hard nut to break. He said nothing can really crack that rotation in the Christmas movies but Elf is on a lot during the holidays. Favreau said eventually you get used to doing what you love and you can take that for granted. He said once you get used to that you start to have to take on a new set of priorities.
Favreau said the most gratifying thing is making something that stands the test of time. He said he was in Rudy and that movie opened at number 2 and that was taken as not being a win. He said now it's become part of the cultural lexicon. He said that's a really exciting thing to be a part of.
Jon asked what Favreau thinks about Howard saying you should stick with something if you have a hit. Favreau said that Howard doesn't even stick by that. He said he gets what he's saying and he thinks you should appreciate what you have. Benjy said that Howard used to put it down when people would do something that didn't make money. He said now he's doing that stuff. Favreau said he thinks at a certain point you have to settle down and do that kind of thing. Benjy said he thinks that Howard resents people who don't worry about it so much and can be so free. Jon said he thinks that Howard has changed his attitude toward that stuff. Favreau said he thinks that it's great that Howard is finding things that make him happy and focusing on those things.
Jon said that Favreau is one of a few who have excelled at acting and directing. He said he has made a mark and he thanks him for that. Favreau asked if they get mad that he puts himself in his own movies. Jon said he started doing that since day one so it's not a problem. He said if he did it later on in his career it would be a different story. Jon let Jon Favreau go a short time later. They went to break after that.
Jon said he meant what he said about being successful as an actor and director. He said usually you do well in just one. He said that Favreau is good at both. He said he's pretty incredible and he's a huge Howard fan.
Jon said that JD has to go in with some swagger and make it known what he wants done. Shuli said he has to act like he belongs there. JD said he will. Jon asked JD if he asked Favreau for any work. JD said he didn't.
Shuli asked how nervous JD is going into this thing. JD said he's at about a 5 but when he starts really thinking about it he's at a 10. Benjy said JD is going to have opinions about what to do and he may have trouble pushing for some things. JD said he's only directing one scene. He said there's another guy directing the rest of the show. He said he'd hate for the one scene to appear different than the rest of the show. JD said the guy is a fan of the show too. He said he thinks they will be able to meld together. Benjy said JD was wondering if he'll love the job. JD said he'll have to see.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview and he's a great interviewer. Jon said that Jon Favreau has some great stories to tell so he didn't have to do much. The caller said that when JD chimes in it's like when Gary the Retard chimes in on Leiberman Live. JD said he didn't say that much. He said he tried not to interrupt. The caller said it's just great when he tries to talk. JD told him to leave him alone.
Jon said the best thing was watching Jon Favreau watching JD trying to form a sentence. Shuli said it's like being in an earthquake. He said you're changed forever once you're in one. Benjy said he was in one 2 years ago and it was scary as fuck. They had to take another break after that.
Benjy said he finds psychological evaluations fascinating. He said that he thought Robin was really pissed about how it ended up in a book. Shuli said that's where Robin directed her anger. He said the doctor who administered the test was there and he and Dr. Drew put it together for this book.
Benjy said this is like the ugly test and he scored the highest in that. Benjy said he doesn't think he's got a personality disorder with the narcissist thing. Jon said Howard only scored a 15 in the test. Benjy said that he wonders if Howard was answering honestly or not.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked where Gary is today. Jon said he is not available today. The caller said he can't get enough of him. He went on to say that the test they gave should have had some of the questions removed because they apply to individuals. He said that some of them were about being heard by many people in public and things like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wakes up every day about when the Wrap Up Show starts. He said it's a great way to start the day. He asked if they think JD is a talented person since they say that about other people on the show. Jon asked JD if he thinks he's talented and where do his talents lie. JD said he's not sure he wants to answer that in a public forum. He said he doesn't think it would sound good. JD said he doesn't think he's talented. He said that may not go over well with some people. JD said he thinks he has some intelligence. Jon said he is humble and puts himself down too much. JD said this is why he didn't want to answer this. Jon said he thinks he has to believe he's talented because he is. Shuli said no one shits on JD more than JD. JD said he could be funnier with things. Benjy asked if he thinks he's an asset there. JD said yes. Jon asked if he thinks he's funny. JD said he thinks he is.
JD said he doesn't think he has a lot of talent. He said he can't play drums or anything like that. Benjy asked if he thinks he's got talent for his job. JD said he thinks he's okay. Jon said he's good and they'll leave it at that.
Jon asked Shuli what he had in the news headlines. Shuli went over the headlines they had coming up today. They wrapped up and got in some plugs before ending the show around 11:25am.
SIRIUS Farting With Junior And Nuno. 10/06/05. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Kevin Nealon used car prank call from Crank Yankers TV show, Beck performing ''Two Turn Tables and a Microphone'' live at a Howard Stern Birthday show.
Howard started off the show saying that he's excited this morning even though Tom took away his greatest pleasure. He said they'll be starting the farting out on SIRIUS 100 this morning as a test of his new channel over there. He figures Tom went to Joel Hollander and asked him what to do and Joel told them they can't listen. He thinks that they'll be doing the East Coast broadcast on 100 and will simulcast on 102 for the West Coast. Robin wondered if he knew which studio they were broadcasting from. He wasn't sure so he asked Gary if he knew. Gary said the last they heard they'd be in the big glass studio over at SIRIUS that everyone sees when they walk in the building. Howard said they'll have someone evaluating the farts so you can see the scores scrolling across the tuner screen.
Howard asked Gary to get his program director Nuno on the phone so he can talk to him about what's going on over there this morning. He said he can't believe that Joel is tying his hands behind his back with this whole thing. He just wanted to listen to the first minute of it and they won't even allow him to do that. A phone caller told Howard that the scroll was reading that Junior the Farter would be in at 6:30 ET this morning. Earlier in the morning it said that it would be 6:00am but they changed it. Howard told the guy that this was Nuno's idea to begin with so he had to bring him on board to help out with it.
Nuno was on the line a short time later so he talked about how this all came about. Nuno had called in about a week ago and told Howard to have some farts on the new channels. Artie suggested that they have live farters and it took off from there. Nuno told Howard that they weren't in the big glass studio this morning but they were in a studio where people could look in and see what's going on. Nuno said that there was supposed to be a band scheduled to play in that big glass studio but Howard wondered what band would be playing at that time of the morning. He said there's not band, they just lie to him over there at the studios because they don't want his guys to be farting in a studio where everyone can see them. Howard went on to say that there has been a lot of lying going on over there. They started the channels up over there without much warning and then they wanted to put something on the channels instead of dead air because they can't just put silence up there. He knew they were lying about that and told them that's what he wanted. Then they dropped that and had another reason that they can't put on silence. They told him that people would tune by the dead air and think that their tuners were broken. He said they lied to him about that as well and he doesn't want to begin the relationship like that. Now they're lying again about a band playing in that big studio.
Gary told Howard that they wanted to run some scrolls on the channels but they had to run the stuff by some lawyer or something over there. That guy never got back to Gary so the scrolls about Tom Chiusano never ran. Howard said that was a bunch of nonsense as well and they can run whatever they want on those scrolls. Nuno told Howard that he loves that he's going to be a part of history. Before today he was a construction worker. Howard gave him a prize of $500 courtesy of GoldenPalace.net. He also said he wants to give him an iPod Nano.
Howard asked Nuno if he was going to be rating the farts. He said he read that he would be doing that so Howard tested him out. Fred played some fart sounds and Nuno was giving him some low scores of 2. Then Fred played a nice, long one that he gave an 8 1/2. Howard told him it's got to be between 1 and 5. Howard had Nuno put Junior the Farter up on the phone so he could talk to him about this first shift of farting. He told him how great this was going to be and how it's the culmination of his career. Junior has a bit of an attitude but the guy is an amazing farter. Junior got in a plug for his web site MySpace.com/JuniorTheFarter and told Howard what he ate this morning. Howard told him to get some nice food from those guys over there so he's comfortable. He said that it's really killing him that he can't listen to the first sounds on his SIRIUS channel this morning. It's a big deal to him. Nuno got back on the line and told him to order this Jeremy guy around over there. Jeremy was someone who works with SIRIUS and would be helping out with the broadcast this morning. Howard decided to blast off a fart of his own this morning since he was in the mood. He let one rip that sounded kind of sloppy. Artie gave him a score of 4 for that one because it was pretty solid. Fred concurred that it was a 4. Howard said he might need a wet wipe for that one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this is a great day because they're actually starting to broadcast on SIRIUS. He said that he's already bought 4 tuners so far and has to buy 4 more for family and friends. It's the beginning of a new era. Howard told him he's right and read an article to the guy about this new FCC chairman who has come in to replace Michael Powell. He's going to be going after indecency even more than ever according to the article Howard was reading. He said that they say Martin is ready to ''fire some cannon rounds'' at indecent broadcasts. Howard said he wants to get out of his contract tomorrow so he doesn't have to be part of this guy's agenda.
A caller asked Howard if he wanted to listen to the broadcast over the phone. Howard said he can't do that because it's breaking Tom's rule about not listening to it on the air. He said he was lost in the fact that he couldn't listen. Howard asked Gary to tape the start of the farting so he could hear it later on. Gary said it was already done. Sal the Stockbroker came in and said he thinks that they could play it after it airs but Howard said that can't happen. He's been told there is no way around it. He got back to the FCC article he was reading and how the new chairman is saying that indecency battles will have to be taken to court but Howard knows that everyone is going to bow to the FCC and not fight them. They'll just bend over and take it like they've been doing for years. That's one reason Howard says he's moving to satellite, to escape the FCC nonsense. At about 6:30 Howard wanted to go to break so he could listen to the first sounds of farting on Howard 100. (I had my tuner tuned in to the farts and couldn't help but laugh as Junior was farting and belching away.)
More Farting Discussions. 10/06/05. 6:45am
After the break Howard said that he was very proud of what was going on and how great it was that Junior was blasting away. He said that it's the world's first farting channel and he loves it. He said that the format holds up better than he thought and wanted to keep listening after the break. Howard said they couldn't do this on his show anymore because the FCC will fine them for ''too wet'' farts. A listener called in and told Howard that it was great because you can hear the farts really well and you can hear the guys in the background laughing and cracking up at the farts. Howard is concerned that Junior is going to blow himself out of the water and won't be able to keep this up for a full 5 hours. He's not sure if his ass will blow out after a little while. Artie thinks that Junior is one of those guys who can keep it up.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that it must be crazy for someone sitting up in Alaska listening to farts from a show they don't even know about. Another caller said that it was the greatest thing he's ever heard and it was like a train wreck that you can't stop listening to. The caller told Howard that the fart count was up to 123 at this point and Junior was still going. Howard called over there during the break and asked what was going on. Junior was apparently squatting on the floor and blasting away into the microphone. Howard wondered why it was so entertaining. Robin said that it's because it's a live person and you wonder how long he can keep it up. Howard said Gary told him he's excited because he'll have Debbie the Queefer to listen to on his drive home. A listener asked Howard to play some Douche 100 jingles since they were starting the new channel today. Fred played a few of those jingles. Howard played some new ones they had created just for ''fart day'' over there. The jingles were all about the farts.
Howard said it would be great to have a regular channel like that and he was starting to see it. He thinks that this format could beat the ''Jack'' format no problem. He talked to Gary about how it was killing him that he couldn't listen to this on his show this morning. Another caller told Howard that he wants to listen to both the farting and to Howard so he has to go back and forth. The caller told Howard about the scroll on the tuner and it's like watching a game or something. He said he doesn't want to even get out of his truck because of it. Gary said even his kids will enjoy listening to that because they think farts are funny. Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Junior had just asked for a towel at that point. Another caller said that he had tears in his eyes from laughing so much. He also told Howard that they keep you updated with the score and what was going on in there. Howard said that Debbie the Queefer will be on from 11-4pm and then Will the Farter comes on from 4-9pm. Howard was afraid that Junior was going to blow himself out before his shift was up. He took a bunch of phone calls from the fans who were listening to the farts and there were a lot of people who were enjoying it.
Artie said that he believes that Junior is the perfect morning man for farting in the morning. He said he's like the Howard Stern of farting radio. Howard wanted to take another break so he could go listen to what's going on over there. He said they should be doing it there on this show but Tom won't let them do long farts on the air anymore. Howard said that this new FCC guy says he can't wait to start fining people and crack down on ''indecency.'' Howard said this is the smartest move he's ever made, moving to satellite. Artie said that it's like the end of ''Animal House'' where the dean is yelling at them that there will be ''no more fun of any kind!'' A caller said that he didn't have SIRIUS yet so he wasn't able to listen this morning. A caller told Howard that everyone at work emptied out at around 6:20 so they could go listen in their vehicles. The caller said that he works at a police station. That cracked everyone up.
Howard said he read that story about the FCC commissioner saying that he ''can't wait'' to start fining companies and he can't believe that. He was apparently pushing Michael Powell to go ahead and fine everyone they could but Powell was actually holding off on them. Now the guy is in control and is going to destroy broadcasting companies around the country. High Pitch Eric called in and told Howard that Junior is farting and burping at the same time. He also asked Howard if he could help him do some promotion when he goes out. Howard said that no one would take anything from him anyway and hung up on him. He took some more phone calls and had one woman play a fake fart before saying goodbye to him since she won't be following him to the new place. Howard heard that there are some news crews heading over to SIRIUS to cover the farting.
Howard was going to take a break a short time later because he heard that Junior was taking a break. He decided to call Nuno to find out what was going on with him. He figured that Junior had blown himself out and had to take a break just 35 minutes in. He wondered if the farters and queefers would be giving each other advice on what to do. Artie and Robin thought that it would be pretty competitive and no one would be sharing any information. Howard took some more phone calls and one guy said that he will never listen to a Viacom station ever again since they won't let Howard play the farts on his show. Howard said that Viacom isn't the enemy, they're just afraid to let him do what he wants to. Nuno was on the phone a short time later and said that Junior was back on the air farting. He said he took a 15 minute break but he's back to farting. Howard said that what he heard was pretty great.
A listener called in and said that he hadn't listened in about a month after going down to New Orleans to help out and didn't know all of this was going on. He asked if there was any way to win a satellite radio or something. Howard said they won't be doing anything like that. He took another break a short time later. (They played a great Captain Janks call as they went to break where Janks used my name as the phone caller to a news channel.)
Even More Farting Discussions. 10/06/05. 7:25am
Howard and the guys were listening to Junior farting away during the break and they were impressed with one of the farts that they'd just heard. Nuno was on the phone to ask if they could have Will the Farter and Junior doing a ''fart off'' since Will had showed up early. Howard told Nuno it was up to him but he thinks that Will should wait until his shift starts later this afternoon. Howard told him he'd prefer to just keep the format straight and let each farter have their own shift. He said that Gary can't wait to go home and let his kid listen to this farting going on. He doesn't know how Junior is keeping this up after the first hour.
A listener called in and said that he was listening and laughing so hard that he was going to have to buy new pants since he'd peed himself. He was going to go into Target and get some new underwear. He also asked Howard if he would be doing his show at the same time when they move to the new place. Of course they will be doing the show at the same time.
Howard said he found a ''cheat sheet'' from the Booker show where they wrote down what they were going to talk about during his show. The Booker show airs on Howard's station in the afternoons. He went through that for a short time and then took another phone call. The caller said that Howard seemed very happy this morning since his channel is live now. Howard said he is happy, especially after reading the idiotic logic coming from the head of the FCC. He said it's almost symbolic that his fart channel is live the same morning that this FCC article is out about how they can't wait to start fining. If Howard signed on for another 5 years at Infinity, he'd have a gun to his head. He said he should be able to do the farting thing on his own show but the FCC would fine them for having farts that are ''too wet.'' The caller asked if they had any games to play so he could try and win some money. Gary said he'd be in soon with something to play.
Wack Pack Revelations. 02/08/06. 7:35am
Howard had Sal come in and read off the Wack Pack revelations. Playing in this revelation game were Joey Boots, King of All Blacks, Double A, Captain Janks, Nicole Bass, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach and High Pitch Eric. The revelations were:
Fred the Elephant Boy came in a short time later. Fred told Howard how great it is to be up there. Howard said that they have some great stories about Fred and now they can talk about them in detail. He remembered the day he had crapped his pants when he went to visit Gary at an appearance one time. They also remembered the days when Fred was into the gay stuff.
Fred was telling Howard about how that gay stuff broke up his relationship with his girlfriend Mary for a while. He said that he went as far as to take some anal a few times. He said he wasn't into it all that much though. Fred said there are better things than taking it there. He said the guys he was with were usually older guys. He felt that he wanted to get out and experiment because he was very lonely. Artie told Fred that he's never been that lonely.
Artie asked Fred what it's like to have an elderly, thick cock in his ass. Howard didn't give him a chance to answer. He asked him how he would hook up with the guys with that speech impediment he has. Fred said it was tough and some guys would hang up as soon as he said ''Hello'' on the phone.
Howard asked Fred how old the first guy was when he first had anal. Fred said he was in his late 40s, early 50s. He said it was many years ago... Howard cut him off and said that it's kind of sad that he was so lonely that he went that way. Howard said that it doesn't really sound like experimenting to him though, it sounds more like hard core gay sex. Artie said it doesn't sound like Fred is gay, it sounds more like the guy who was fucking him was gay.
Fred brought up the scene from the Howard Stern On Demand movie ''Supertwink'' that he did with him. Artie played a plumber plunging a gerbil out of his ass. Howard heard that Fred went up to Artie and told him that he's not gay. Fred didn't remember that but Artie does.
Fred told Howard that when he hooked up with his first gay guy, they both knew what they wanted and got right into it after going to a coffee shop. The guy lived in the city at the time. As he was telling the story Artie was laughing his ass off and goofing on Fred. Howard tried to get more details out of him and found out that he had gone to a coffee shop and had a snack. Fred said he had to explain to the guy why he speaks the way he does.
Howard asked Fred to describe the guy he was with. Fred said the guy was slightly overweight and had a moustache. it was mostly grey and close to white. It was so long ago he didn't remember every detail. He said the guy kissed him but he wasn't a good kisser. He said he remembers him using too much tongue. They went to the bathroom and started to undress each other. Howard asked Fred if the guy flipped him over or if he gave him a hand job. Fred said the guy was gentle with him and went down on him. He doesn't remember if the guy was bigger in the pants than he was.
Howard told Fred that he's booked for the next two weeks because this is fascinating. He and Artie asked him some more questions about how the guy banged him. Fred said that the guy put him on his back on the bed and then lubed him up so he could do him. He then put on a rubber and entered him. Fred said it didn't feel all that great. He said that the guy had pleasured him before that so he was already done. The guy probably spent about 5 or 10 minutes back there.
Howard wanted to know what Fred sounded like while the guy was doing him. Fred said that he should play the clip from Supertwink to hear what he sounds like. Howard was just about done asking questions about all of that stuff. He was starting to get disgusted. A phone caller said this is the first time he wished they were back on terrestrial radio so they couldn't talk about this stuff. He also asked if Fred was going to get on the Sybian. Fred had no idea what it was because he just bought his SIRIUS radio this past weekend. He hasn't been listening for the past month.
Gary came in and told the guys that he saw a scene from a movie where Fred was pleasuring himself with a dildo in the ass. The movie was actually pulled from the market and it's no longer available. Fred said he didn't know that it was going to be sold on the internet at the time so he had to pull it. His girlfriend had helped him make it but she had second thoughts about putting it out so they stopped.
Howard asked Fred how many guys he had after that first one. Fred said it was probably about 10 or so. Gary asked him if he ever thinks about having it again. Fred said that he does think about it but he doesn't act on it. He said that things are much better with his girlfriend so he doesn't feel that urge so much. The last time he had a man was more than a year ago. That guy was found on the internet, the same way guys find women. He went to have sex at the other guy's place. Gary asked him if he's afraid of going to other guy's houses. Fred said that he does feel that way and that's why he tries to suppress his urges.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just got done with his 13 hour shift but he can't turn off his radio hearing about this stuff. Howard told him to hold on for the next story which was about the time he showed up with crap in his pants to an appearance Gary made.
Fred said that there was one time that he was with a guy who smelled so bad that he had to bail out on the 'date.' He also said that he has never had a good looking man. Robin had asked him the question and he didn't hesitate to say ''no.'' Fred said that he has never put his penis in another man. Howard asked him if any of the guys have ever had a lot of mud on their helmets after doing him. He said he never looked so he wouldn't know. It was mutual disgust between Fred and the guys he was with.
Howard said they had a lot of stuff to get to so they had to tell this story quickly. Gary said that he did an appearance at a car dealer last year. He was in the parking lot and smelled something really bad out there. He said he kept asking the guys who were there with him what the smell was. One woman told him that the smell may have been coming from Fred the Elephant Boy. They saw stains on his shorts and socks. Gary said he found that hard to believe but it turns out that's what had happened. Fred was on his way to the event and couldn't hold it in anymore. He said he shit his pants when he got off the subway. Howard said there's no way he would ever show up to an appearance if he shit his pants. Gary said that he stayed there for a good hour and 20 minutes and the smell would waft around and hit him as he was standing there.
Fred claims that he tried to clean himself up in the car dealer bathroom. Howard said that he wanted to welcome everyone in Canada since they had never heard this story before. Fred said that he had diarrhea that day and he couldn't stop it from coming down his leg that day. Gary said that Fred is a close talker and would back him up against the fence at the dealer but he still didn't realize that the smell was coming from Fred.
Gary wondered what took Fred so long to realize that he should leave the event. Fred said he wanted to enjoy the festivities. He didn't know that he smelled so bad because he thought that he had cleaned up enough. Howard played some audio from the 'Supertwink' movie where Fred was moaning but he didn't have a short version of it. He bailed out after hearing about 3 seconds of the movie.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people talk to Fred. Jessica Hahn called in and told Howard that if Fred gets on the Sybian, she's never getting on that thing. Fred wasn't going to get on it so she had nothing to worry about. Howard wrapped up after that and went to break.
In the clip Howard had Willie come in and told him a story about how he met him once and he had about 90 people in the room with him. He said they had to be all hangers on. Gary said he has a few people with him today.
Howard asked Willie about pot and hemp since Willie is a well known pot smoker. They talked about how useful hemp is. Howard said he thinks they should legalize pot. Robin said they say it's much stronger now than it was when they were kids. Robin said they say they have to tell kids it's dangerous. Willie said he thinks that kids shouldn't be putting any smoke in their lungs. Howard said you can't stop someone from smoking something that grows in the ground. Willie said they should regulate it and tax it.
Howard said he wanted to have a joint rolling contest with Jackie and Willie. Howard said Jackie was starting already and he hadn't said start. Jackie said he was just creasing it. Willie did the same. Howard said that Jackie thinks he has a bond with Willie now. He said that Willie hates Jackie.
Howard asked the guys if they were ready to go. Jackie said he guesses so. Howard said Willie is very serious about it. He said he really wants to win. Willie said of course he does. Howard said when he counts down they can go. Howard had them go and Willie had his tobacco ready. Howard said that Willie was done and Jackie was still going. Howard said the quality is good too. Howard had them hold up their finished tobacco joints. Howard said Jackie's was a mess.
Howard gave Willie a plug for his new album and talked to him about doing a song with Frank Sinatra but not doing it in the same studio with him. Howard had Billy West doing his Frank Sinatra impression for Willie. Howard said maybe he's better off not being in the same room with Frank.
Howard asked Willie about his IRS problems. Willie said he settled that. Robin asked how he forgot to pay the taxes. Willie said that he didn't forget to pay his taxes. He said he had an accountant who didn't pay them. Willie said his accountants told him to borrow 12 million and get in a tax shelter instead of paying the 2 million that he owed. He said he ended up owing 32 million instead. Howard said that hurts. Willie said he ended up settling with the IRS. He said he isn't a great businessman but he did what he thought was the right thing. Howard said he is a terrible businessman. Robin asked where all of the money went. Howard said it was a tax scheme that the accountant dreamt up.
Howard asked Willie about his many marriages and cheating. Howard said that he just got laid in the jock lounge while he was waiting. Howard asked if he felt guilty going out and cheating on his wives. Willie said he was not proud of that. He said he was a womanizer and he wasn't proud. Willie said it's very tempting. Howard said he understands that. Willie said there were a lot of women throwing themselves at him. Howard said he would imagine so. Willie said he always got caught though. Howard asked how they caught him. Willie said he just never lied about it. Howard said Willie is a gentle hippie. Willie said he would agree with that.
Howard asked if he ever got caught in bed with another woman. Willie said he did. He said he asked his wife if she was going to believe what she sees or what he's going to tell her. He said that they never believed that. Howard asked which wife that was. Willie said he didn't know. Willie said he has never been married to two at once. Howard asked how they caught him. Willie said it was a surprise visit. He said that was a long time ago though. He said one time his first wife beat him up. He said he came home drunk and she wrapped him up in a sheet and sewed it up. Then she took a broomstick and whacked him with it. He said then she took all of his clothes and left. He said he was naked with no clothes. He said he could only put on her clothes. Willie said that's why you should never do any of those things.
Howard asked if he ever made it with any of his wife's relatives. Willie said he has not. Robin asked how old his youngest child is. Willie said he has a 5 year old.
Howard said he was going to play a track off of Willie's new album. He said he saw that he has his big hit ''Crazy'' on there. Howard played some of Latoya Jackson's cover of the song. Howard played Willie's version of Crazy and then Willie asked what would happen if he played that along with the Patsy version. Howard tried it for a few seconds. It was close in timing so it kind of worked.
Howard asked Willie why he never wrote any songs about pot. Willie said he actually did. Howard played him Jackie's ''The Pot Song'' and told Willie he can cover that. He told him to send the royalties there.
Howard played another track off of Willie's new album. Howard said he sounds relaxed in the song. Howard played another song and talked to Willie about where he came up with the idea for the song.
Howard asked when Willie lost his virginity. Willie said he was 6. Howard wondered how he knew what to do at that age. Willie said you don't need lessons. Howard asked if she was an older woman. Willie said that she was a 7 year old. Howard asked if it was a friend. Willie said he forgets exactly but they ended up under a bed. He said they didn't really know what they were doing but they were rolling around on each other. He said they thought they were having sex. Howard asked if it was actual intercourse. Willie said no but Howard figured he was doing a back peddle. Howard asked if it was a real girl. Willie said it was. He said he was 6 and she was 7.
Howard played more of Willie's album and asked if he's doing any concerts there. Willie said that he was just over in Europe on a big tour. Howard wrapped up with Willie a short time later.
Junior Still Farting 3.5 Hours Later. 10/06/05. 9:50am
Now Howard is thinking about doing a live defecation show on the air. He said that Junior has over an hour to go and wondered how he was feeling. He had Gary get him on the line to talk about it. Meanwhile, he had Robin start her news. Junior was busy taking a smoke break at the time so Howard had to wait a while before he got a hold of him. He took some other calls and one guy asked how long this farting was going to last. Howard told him it'll just be one day, they're just ''test driving'' the channel. Gary told Howard that Junior was missing and they were trying to page him to get him back in the studio since no one could find him.
A woman called in from Columbus, Ohio and told Howard that she really misses the show out there. She said they were playing a bunch of really lame stuff on the show that replaced his and it's all rip-offs of his show, done poorly. Junior was on the phone after that and he said he's still feeling fine. He said he's not tired at all but he does miss being in the studio with Howard and the guys. He said he won't be around tomorrow morning to finish off the farting. He said he was trying to get some food up there but Nuno couldn't make it happen for him. He wanted a cheeseburger pizza or something like that. Howard tried asking Nuno to make his farter happy but Nuno didn't know where to get something like that at this time of morning. Howard let them get back to work and took a call from a guy who said he looks at this channel as having the ''big bang'' theory because it started out with nothing and now it's huge with farting and explosions. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
Ashton Kutcher Visits. 05/17/10. 7:05am
After the break we heard some prank calls that Sal and Richard made to a call in show. Howard came right back after that and had Ashton Kutcher come in. He's in the movie ''Killers'' which is opening on June 4th.
Howard said that he didn't think Ashton was going to make it in there after the band rehearsal they had over the weekend. Ashton said that Howard was actually good at playing.
Howard said Ashton isn't feeling well and he's losing his voice. He said that they partied pretty heavily that night but Ashton and his wife, Demi Moore, went out to play pool at some place. Howard said he thinks that he just needs sleep. Ashton said they slept for like 5 hours. Howard said he needs more than that.
Howard talked about the man purse that Ashton has and how it's like a pussy magnet. Ashton said that there were only two scripts in there and they were the same script. He said that one was just a rewrite of the script.
Howard said he looks like a monster standing next to Ashton and John Stamos and those guys. Howard said he told Beth he looks like a monster and it's horrible. Ashton said Howard had a whole look going on out there. He said his hair is one thing and then he had the guitar going on and he was playing the guitar with his chin with the tiny strap they had on that thing.
Howard said they should go over the guest list for that party. He said that Ashton must go out to parties like that all the time. Ashton said the good thing about that party is that there were no assholes there. He said that he was probably the biggest asshole there.
Howard said he felt like he was part of Hollywood because of that party. Jimmy set it all up for him. He said that it was a great party too.
Howard said they had this band set up out at Jimmy's place and they had a bunch of guys playing together. Howard said it was him, John Stamos and Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray playing. Then John was getting upset with the band. He said David Arquette was playing trumpet and there were some people from Kimmel's band. Stamos was upset that he was the best musician there according to Ashton. Stamos got pissed and didn't want to play because they couldn't decide on a song. Howard said that's the only song he knows. He said he was playing that song and Stamos got mad that everyone was such a bad musician. He was even upset with Mark McGrath.
Howard said that Johnny Knoxville was at the party with his wife. Ashton said that guy is looking really old from beating himself up so much. He said that he's a mess but he's so polite all the time. Howard said he's still putting the catheter up his penis twice a day. He said Johnny pulled out a jar of moonshine for them to try. Howard said that he didn't even know what he meant. He said that Johnny's cousin's make this stuff and he took a smell. He said Demi told him he was a pussy and he should drink that crap. Howard said he had never felt such peer pressure before. Howard said Courteney Cox was drinking the stuff so she told him to man up too. Howard said he's such a woman that he didn't ant to drink it. He said that's probably why Johnny looks 80 years old.
Howard said that Ashton was good on piano up there playing in the band. Demi was a good singer too. Ashton said she can do whatever she wants to do.
Howard asked Ashton about what he's into now with trying to get rid of human trafficking. Ashton said he saw a report on one of these TV shows and he started doing research into it and he found out some information about it and it was shocking. He said it's like a $32 billion industry. He said that it was kind of heavy for a morning show discussion.
Howard asked Ashton about going out to the party. Ashton said they don't do that kind of stuff a lot. Howard said that they had a lot of people there. He said that Jeff Probst flew in for it and then flew back out to do the Survivor finale show. Howard said he had a good time busting Jeff's balls there. He said he'll talk about that later on.
Howard gave Ashton some more plugs for his movie ''Killers'' and talked to him about working with Katherine Heigle. He asked if she's a pain in the ass to work with like people say. Ashton said she was fine with him. He said she may have had an issue during the shooting of one movie and it just didn't go away.
Howard asked Ashton about a picture he saw of him making out with Natalie Portman. Ashton said that's for a movie and it's like free cheating. He said Demi is cool with it and they're still having a great sex life. Howard asked how he instigates sex and how they keep it fresh. Ashton said that it's sexting which is sending sexy texts. Robin asked if they send pictures. Ashton said that they will send pictures but not necessarily the penis. Ashton said he'll just text her and tell her that he's going to ''ruin her'' when he gets home. Things like that.
Howard asked Ashton how old he was when he got married. Ashton said he was 25 which is pretty old for a guy from Iowa. Howard asked how old he was when he started modeling. Ashton said he was 19. Howard asked if that's a tough job. Ashton said it is kind of tough.
Howard said when a man models they don't really do a lot. Ashton said you don't feel that good about doing it. He said that it's like getting a jigsaw puzzle that's already done. He said you don't get much out of it.
Howard said that women don't seem to be turned on to male models. Ashton said that's true. He said getting the job on TV helped.
Howard read about how Ashton had gotten into some trouble when he broke into his school and got caught. Howard said he did something kind of like that. Ashton said that they were stealing pencils and stuff out of the vending machines.
Howard asked Ashton if he's still into the kabbalah thing. Ashton said they're both into it still. He said he still studies it. Howard asked what it is to do a kabbalah wedding ceremony. Ashton told him a little bit about it but he told Howard he's not Jewish. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Ashton said he thinks that organized religion is kind of dumb. He said he believes there is a god and things like that. He said he doesn't like to follow the rules that the church has.
Howard asked Ashton about Natalie Portman. Ashton said she's kind of short so they look like they're different species when they stand next to each other. Ashton said that he had to kiss her in the scene they did and he had to lift her up. Howard asked if he got turned on. Ashton said he did. He said that he and Katherine Heigle had a kissing scene and he had to kiss her boobs or something. Howard said that's why relationships don't last out there in Hollywood.
Robin said that Ashton and Demi seem to be doing just fine. Howard said they did look pretty tight. Ashton said Demi is his best friend.
Howard said they might have to start a band. He said he would book it on a talk show. Howard said that would be funny. They could do ''Louie Louie'' together.
,Howard asked Ashton about doing sex scenes and if he gets a boner with someone like Natalie Portman. Ashton said that when he shot that movie ''Spread'' he was doing sex scenes all day long for like 7 days in a row and he got sick of it. Howard asked if he can tell Demi when he does get turned on. Ashton said he can do that because she really is like his best friend.
Howard asked Ashton about his brother not being at his wedding. Ashton said his brother is married to someone who sold a bunch of stories to the tabloids and he didn't want her being there. Ashton said his brother wasn't too happy about that but he had to leave her out of it. Ashton told him that she was a psycho and now they're divorced. Howard asked what his brother does for a living. Ashton said his brother sells 401K's. He said he's a good looking guy but he doesn't think he's as good looking as him. He said his bother is a great guy though.
Howard said Ashton is a young guy and he's having an incredible life. Ashton said it is pretty good. Howard asked if he gets carried away with himself or is he grounded. Ashton said that studying the kabbalah helps keep him grounded. He said Demi keeps him in his place too. He said he does the same for her.
Ashton said that he was on the verge of getting out of control with women when he met Demi. He said he wasn't being nice and he was abusing it and then he met Demi. He said he shut the spigot off and things could have really gone bad. He said he could have O.D.'d on it. He said that it was getting close to getting into something really bad.
Ashton said he would be honest with the women about not wanting a relationship and they seemed to be okay with it but he knew that they wanted to change that. He said that he was kind of abusive with that. He said then he met Demi and she saved his ass. He said he met her through a mutual friend. He said she thought he was a douche bag when they met. Ashton said he was taking a shower when she came over. Ashton said he came out without his shirt on. She was making a call to her youngest daughter at the time. He said he heard her talking to her daughter and he wanted to be with a person like that based on the way she was talking to her. He said that was it for him.
Howard asked Ashton if he knew it was a move to come out without the shirt on. Ashton said it was a move. Howard asked Ashton if he has a small penis. Ashton said he wouldn't say that but he's not in demand or anything.
Howard asked Ashton about Demi and if she didn't want to take him seriously romantically. Ashton said she didn't. He said that he's not even sure how he proved to her that he was into her. He just hung in there. Howard asked how long it took to get into her pants. Ashton said it took a while. Howard asked if it was weeks or months. He wasn't saying exactly how long it was but it wasn't more than a month.
Howard figured it was the second night but Ashton made it sound like it wasn't that quick. He said they did make out on the second date. Ashton said she had to fly out the second day and she got stuck there because of the weather. He said they hung out for the second night and then she flew out for a week.
Howard said Demi was very supportive of him in the band they were in. Robin asked about Bruce Willis being at their wedding. Howard said that he doesn't understand how Bruce Willis was at the wedding. Ashton said that Bruce is a great guy and he'd hang out with him any day. He said he's pretty sure Bruce would like the show. Gary said he thinks that he has a problem with him. Howard didn't get into that but Gary said that Stuttering John did an interview with him one time and he was kind of upset for some reason.
Howard asked Ashton about a pre-nup with Demi. Ashton said they don't have one. They have a joint account and they have their own separate accounts. He said they have their own properties and they have purchased stuff together too.
Howard gave Ashton some more plugs for this movie he's in and he talked to him about his Twitter followers. He said that Ashton has like 4 million followers on there now. Ashton said he has like 4 and a half million. He said he's also thinking that this Foursquare thing is taking off. Howard said Ashton made Tweeting a huge thing and asked if they have offered him any money or thanked him for making them huge. Ashton said it bothered him for a while but now he doesn't care so much.
Gary came in and told Howard that Ashton has to get going. He's on his way to do Regis and Kelly. Howard told Ashton he should squat out a big dump on the show like Beth's dog did on there last week. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Junior Still Farting 3.5 Hours Later. 10/06/05. 9:50am
After a break during the news, Howard came back and said that Junior had blown a fart so impressive that he'd never heard something like that in his life. Jeff the Drunk called in and said they gave him a score of 5.0 for that fart because it was so impressive. Howard heard that during the break and told Artie about it since Artie wasn't in the studio to hear it himself. Ralph called in a little while later and told Howard about the fart he had missed about a half hour ago that was even longer than this fart that he was talking about. He said he'd like more information about the farts going on the scroll so Howard told him not to over think this. He did say that he may give these farters some shifts on his channels once they move over there. Ralph said they could do a ''Best of Junior'' thing too because he's got some great farts. Howard played some of the ''Douche 100'' jingles he played earlier in the show. They created them just for today's fart show but they weren't playing them over at SIRIUS.
Debbie the Queefer called in and said that she was ready to go for her 5 hour shift. She said she's going to do the best she can and was waiting out in the lobby at SIRIUS. She's not sure if she'll be taking her panties off or not though. Howard wished her luck and then took a call from Will the Farter who was going to be doing a shift later in the morning. Ralph told Howard they should do a cross over where they have two farters/queefers on at the same time. Howard said he may just do that and he may do some shifts for them starting in January. Will told Howard that he'll be ready to go at 4 o'clock even though he was kind of intimidated by how good he was. Will is able to suck air in through his ass and then blow it out so he doesn't have to eat anything strange to get his farts. Junior is the same way.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to have met Scott at an event he was DJ'ing at. He claimed that he asked Scott to do the wig thing that they do on the Stern show. He said Scott eventually threatened to call security on him. Scott said he never did that. He told the caller to jump in a hole and die. Scott said he was trying to work and this guy was bothering him. The caller said he has 4 minutes during a song playing to talk so he's not sure what he's talking about.
The caller told Howard about a song he played and how he started jumping up and down trying to get people to dance. He said Scott looked like a big ape.
The caller said that Scott stopped playing the music at one point. Scott said that's because the dance floor was falling apart and they asked him to stop. He said they had to fix the floor. The caller asked if he wore a shirt that said ''Gene'' on it. Scott said he was given that shirt by the client. He said it was a sock hop dance so he wore that for the event. The caller said he got really annoyed when he asked him to play Jackie's marijuana song. Howard thanked the guy for his call and went to break a short time later.
In the first clip they played a clip where Robin was reading about it being Elvis week. Howard said he walked in this morning and there was a huge Elvis standee. He said he waned to call Ronnie to get the guy. Robin read about some of the festivities around Elvis week. That led to Howard doing his Elvis from the grave impression for a few minutes. Artie got in on that as well. Robin went through the story and Howard would joke about things in Elvis' life.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a nurse who was arrested. Howard said that he did what they all want to do at some point. Howard said people fantasize about doing something at their job where they're heroes. Howard said if they could be a hero they would. Howard said this guy wanted to save someone's life by putting some juice in their IV and then tried to save them. Howard said that he could have had everyone loving him. Howard said that he didn't do a very good job at reviving them though. Robin said they're thinking about reviving about 10 bodies to see if he knocked them off too. Robin said they're trying to get some evidence on him. Robin said they're not sure if they can charge him with murder yet. Robin said they are holding him on assault charges right now. Robin said there was one woman who was a grandmother and was in no fear of dying. Robin said she had something wrong with her but she was going to be alright. She asked her family to keep the bearded male nurse away from her. She's dead now. Howard said he would never have a male nurse around him. He said he would walk out the door if he had one. Howard said if he had AIDS and wasn't able to walk he'd crawl the hell out of there.
Robin said all of his neighbors talk about what a nice guy he was. Howard said people who don't have friends have a sure sign of sickness. Howard said he has a friend who might be like that. He said that was Fred. Howard said he's getting out with Princess Norris now though. Howard said he really did think that he was capable of doing something like that. Howard and Fred ended up arguing for a minute about that. Howard said they shouldn't even get into Robin's problems. Howard asked Gary who has a more normal life, him or Fred. Gary said that's tough. He said it's hard to say. Robin said she thinks that Fred would not have a normal life on his own. Gary said Fred has become more normal. Howard said he has but there were times they talked about how afraid of him they were. Gary said they made a big deal out of him having a shovel in the trunk of his car. Fred said he had that so he could shovel out of the snow when the plows came by.
Howard went off on Fred about the strange things he used to do. Jackie pointed out a few that Howard does. Fred said he should look into his own life and see the things he does. Howard said he must be able to see that he wasn't normal. He said now he is though. He told Fred to take it easy. Howard asked Fred to change his IV.
In the next clip they had Eddie Money and Dee Snider in studio. Here's my rundown from a ''And That's What's Happening'' special from 2011:
ATWH: Dee Snider And Eddie Money. 10/05/11. 6:50am
Next on ''And That's What's Happening'' they played a clip where Dee Snider and Eddie Money were sitting in. Robin read about a study that was done about condoms. Howard asked Dee if he uses them. Dee said he doesn't use them. He's married. Howard said he knows what they use. He said he doesn't want them using what they use. Howard said he can't stand using them anymore. He said he just does the withdrawal thing. Howard said he doesn't like the French tickler thing. He said that it doesn't really work. Howard asked Eddie Money what he uses. He said he's the same as Dee. Dee said that he'd use the one with the reservoir tip if he had to. Dee then smelled that someone had farted in the studio. Howard asked Eddie if he had done it. Everyone was freaking out over the awful smell in the studio. Dee was saying that someone should light a match. Howard said it just made it over there. He said he wanted to know who did it. Eddie was the only one not making a sound.
Howard asked who did it. Eddie blamed it on Steve Rossi. Howard said Eddie never used to do that on the shows he'd appear on. Jackie sang a line of ''Walk Like An Egyptian'' as ''Walk Like You Just Cut One.'' Howard said Eddie has the nerve to cut the cheese in a small room like that has balls. He said that he did go platinum with his album. Howard said he's done with the news after that.
Today's special was over around 10:25am.
Jon said Scott isn't like that though. He said he's trying to be the life of the party at a DJ gig. Sal said that's because he's getting paid. Jon said he gets paid there too though.
Sal said Scott drove him to the train station once and it was a huge piece of shit. He said Scott turned to him and asked him ''So, what do you think of my limo?''
Benjy said that the teasing of Scott seems meaner than it is with other people there. Jon said he loves Scott. He said it's when he's trying to be funny and when he's not trying to be funny. Sal said that Scott makes you feel better about yourself. Jon asked how that is. Scott came walking in around that time. Sal said he can go into Scott's studio and bullshit and he feels better about himself. He said he's therapeutic. Sal said if you're having a bad day then you go to Scott and you talk to him. He said you just feel better. He said Scott will tell you ''That's just the way it goes'' if you tell him a story.
Scott said it's nice to be thought of in a nice way. Jon said that he can be funny all the time even when he's not trying to be funny.
Jon asked Scott about being the center of attention with the DJ business. Scott said he never wanted to DJ. He said he needed money. Scott said he wanted to do anything besides DJ. Scott said he was capable of doing it so he figured it was easier to do than anything else.
Benjy asked Scott if he loves music. Scott said he does. Benjy said he feels that there is a real sadness and that he's given up. Scott said it's not like that. Benjy asked why he doesn't go after his dream. Scott said it's a very hard field to get into. Jon said it's all hard. Scott said he looked into freelance engineering and that's the only way he could make money.
Sal asked how old he is now. Scott said he's 61. Jon asked how the COPD is. Scott said he's on medication but he has breathing issues. He said it's not that bad though.
Benjy asked Scott about him living at home with his wife in New Jersey. Scott said he has a house and he's doing okay. Benjy asked if he is worried about his future. Scott said he is. Benjy asked why he doesn't just pursue this artistic interest even if there is no money in it. Jon said that's what Howard is doing with his hobbies. Scott said he thinks about getting older and he feels really old at times. Sal asked if his cock doesn't work. Scott said that's not what he's talking about. Scott said the world is fast paced and things get by you at that age. He said technology is so fast. He said he kept up with what he had to for his job because he'd be out on the street if he didn't. Jon asked what he can't keep up with. Scott said that was about 15 years ago when he made the transition. He said it's hard to keep up with what younger people are into. He said he's sure that's how people his age feel.
Scott said he doesn't think someone his age can be in that field. Benjy asked if there is music he loves. Scott said of course there is. Benjy said he could produce something in that field. He said there are things that young people are into but the kind of music he likes probably still exists. Scott said he's into rock. He said that's still around.
Jon asked Scott if he fears the upcoming years. Scott said it's worrisome. He said they want Howard to stay around but he could be leaving in a year and a half. Scott said he'll be 63 and he doesn't know what he's going to do if Howard leaves. He said he thinks that his age will be a problem out there trying to find a job. Sal said he thinks that it's the attitude that matters, not the age. Scott said he thinks he'd have to find something other than what he's doing now if Howard leaves.
Sal asked if Scott saw Sound City. Scott said he did. Sal said Dave Grohl went back and put the board from that place back together and he can see Scott in that kind of situation and working with those kind of bands. He said that maybe he should be engineering for those bands. He said he can do it. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon said that Rachael is a fan of the show. She said she lives half the time in New York and half in L.A. She said in L.A. She has it on a loop. She said she has some rabid Howard fans who listen all the time. She said that she's honored that she gets to be on this show. Jon said Gary's not even there. Sal did his Gary impression for her. Rachael said she's a big fan of the show so it's great.
Jon said that JD is going to be directing a scene in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Benjy is going to be in Sharknado 2. Rachael asked if he worked with Ian Ziering. Benjy said he just calls him I. He said he has done everything. Benjy said he got eaten by a shark in his scene. He said he plays a prophet in the scene. Benjy said he predicts the coming storm in the movie.
Jon asked Rachael about being in something like this and how Benjy could have made his mark. Rachael said for her she likes to ask the director ''Was that good?'' or ''Was that funny?'' She said that doesn't bother them at all. Rachael said she actually thinks that he should just be naked. Benjy said he tried but they told him to get dressed.
Rachael asked if he's excited about this movie. Benjy said he is. He said it's such an iconic film. JD laughed. Benjy told him it is iconic. He said everyone knows what it is. Benjy said he loves that it was in New York.
Jon said JD is going to be directing and Jon Favreau had some advice for him. Jon asked JD how he would handle her if she was doing the scene the wrong way. JD said he would ask her to do it one way and then try it another way. Rachael said they may tell you that you're doing great but they're going to try it another way.
Rachael asked if JD has ever directed It's Always Sunny before. JD said he has not. Jon said this is the first big directing role he has. He has directed some stuff there for the show.
Jon asked Rachael about having a rookie directing her. Rachael said she has worked with rookies before. Jon asked how she handles that. Rachael said you have to be prepared. She said that it doesn't matter who it is you don't know what their style is like. Rachael said she tries to prepare for everything. She said if someone is feeling insecure she'll validate what they're directing you to do. She said she'll go overboard to help the director out.
Benjy asked Rachael what you do if the director sucks. Rachael said you do what you can and you hope for a good editor. Benjy asked if you ever put out things that aren't your best. Rachael said she has told them that she doesn't feel comfortable doing something but you have to give up control and let it happen.
Jon asked JD how he would handle that. JD said he wants everyone to be happy and he would want to figure it all out. Rachael said you have a discussion about it and you don't want to be unreasonable. She said the directors have done what they can to find the right cast. She said the actors do the heavy lifting for you.
Jon asked if JD is a Todd Phillips type. Rachael said she thinks he is. She said Todd is fun and she thinks JD will be fun. Rachael said if JD thinks it's funny then the actors will probably think it's funny too. Rachael said that you can say to the actors to just trust him on this and they'll do it. She said the more confident you are the more the actors will respond.
Jon asked Rachael if anyone stands out on the show to her in a crazy way. She said Gary is that way all the time. She said that sometimes he's adorably clueless. She said sometimes Gary will think he's right about something and he's not. She said he'll ask what's wrong with that and you'll just think ''that's insane.'' She said he doesn't think he's acting insane but he is.
Jon asked Sal if he can think of any of those situations. Sal said just listen to the show. He said Gary puts up with a lot of bullshit on the show. He said you have to stick to your guns and Gary does that sometimes. He said you can't fight city hall and you can't fight Howard Stern.
Rachael said that Gary will fight Howard and it's crazy when he does that. Benjy said you can't argue with Howard. Jon asked Rachael if Howard is unjustly hard on Gary. Rachael said she feels that Gary deserves it. She said that Howard is a very smart and honest man and he asks good questions about why he would do certain things. She said Gary should just own it instead of defending himself.
Benjy asked Rachael if she heard about the stools in Gary's man cave. She hadn't heard that story so Jon told her about what Howard thought about that. He thought that putting stools in a TV room was insane. Jon said he thinks Gary still resents Howard over that. Rachael said she thinks that Gary should have just said that they can agree to disagree. Benjy said it keeps coming up though and he understands why he argued. Rachael said that she would just give in and stop the argument.
Jon asked Rachael about Ronnie's ascent into the show business world. She said that's pretty wild. They told her that he has been on Cougar Town and worked with Bill Lawrence who produces ''Surviving Jack.'' She said that's great. Jon said Ronnie has taken roles away from people in Hollywood. Rachael said he's like Tom Arnold. She said he loves Tom though.
Jon asked if actors resent people like Ronnie taking roles away from them. Rachael said if he were bad he wouldn't keep getting re-hired. She said he has to prove himself or not. She said that they all get breaks in different ways. Rachael said she was a nanny for Roy Scheider there in New York. She said he's a great man. She said he was 60 and he had a 2 year old at the time. She said she was trying to find work and she told Roy about that. She said that Roy got her a role in Seaquest thanks to Roy. She said that they picked her to read a line in the show. She said that Roy wasn't there that day and she didn't think it was going to happen but it did. She said the best part was that she got her SAG card. She said Roy didn't have to help her out with that. She said he did though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was happy to hear that Rachael was on the show today. He said he thinks she's great. The caller said he loves JD but he thinks that there is no reason for him to underrate himself the way he does. He said he's going to do fine with the whole thing. He said he hopes it works out for him.
Rachael said this is why she loves the show. She said that this caller was so genuine. JD thanked him for that. He said he is trying. He said he's being honest too though. He said he will try to fake some confidence if he has to on the show. JD said he didn't want to answer the question about being talented or not but they wanted him to. Rachael said that she can tell by looking at him that he's good.
Benjy asked what she talks to her friends about when they talk about the Stern show. She said that they talk about the guests who are on and things like that. They don't really argue about things.
Jon asked Rachael what she's there to promote. She said she's there promoting Surviving Jack which is on FOX on Thursday nights at 9:30pm. She got in some plugs for that before Jon wrapped up and went to break.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say that the live shows are great on Thursdays and Fridays. He also said he wanted to ask if they think there is anyone on the staff who might write a tell all book. Sal said Jon Hein. Jon said other than him he doesn't think anyone would do it. He said people complain but he thinks that they appreciate the opportunity they've gotten there. Jon said Howard lets them all shine on the show in some way. He said that's what makes the tell all book not possible. He said there's not that much to tell.
Jon said people ask what they're like there and it's really what you hear on the air. Sal said that what he hears is what he hears so that's what he says when he's asked what Robin is really like.
Benjy said it's sort of implying that it would be a scandalous book. Benjy said it might be something else and he thinks it will happen. He said it would probably be someone like Gary. He said he could do a book about his life on the show. Sal said he's already done that though. He said that was in ''They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Benjy said it doesn't have to be a scandalous thing. Jon said maybe Scott the engineer could do it since he was wondering what to do with the rest of his life.
Sal said there's really not that much that goes on behind the scenes to talk about. He said Howard lets it all out on the air.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott is probably the guy who would talk. He said that no one else in that field is as well known as he is. Jon said he might be the most famous audio engineer in the whole world. Sal said that's why he said what he said earlier about working with Dave Grohl. He said he has Howard Stern on his resume. He said he's been there for over 30 years. Sal said one thing you know is that Howard is meticulous about his voice and all of that and he keeps Scott around.
Jon said Sal was being positive about Scott and Scott was cringing. Jon said a different side of Scott comes out when he's bowling. Sal said Scott is older and just burnt out. He said he's just going with the flow. Sal said he has such talent with his engineering skills. He said he could do great.
Benjy said they all know death is coming and Scott might think it's over. He said he's facing that reality too soon. Jon said it's real to him. Benjy said they can all ask ''what's the point'' because you're going to die. Jon said he doesn't think that Scott hasn't been like that. He said he's been the same way for a long time. Benjy said he's scared of it too but he should do what he wants to do an just do it because you believe in it.
Benjy mentioned that Sal was in Law & Order SVU. Sal thanked Jon for not bringing that up with Racheal. Jon said that he was on the show after Chris Meloni was off the show so there was no correlation there. He had some other reasons for not bringing it up.
Jon asked Shuli if he had anything in the news today. Shuli said he got a message from Johnny Fratto saying that Eric asked him to get him on Lindsay Lohan's sex list. Shuli said he asked Eric if he was serious and he is. He said his backup is Katy Perry too. Shuli said Eric's surgery did not happen but he has to go back in 5 months to get checked again. Jon wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:25am.
Sal The Stockbroker Discussions. 04/15/05. 6:00am
Howard started off the show goofing on bad radio shows talking about how it was Friday and how they should all go in and quit their jobs. After that he talked about last night's ''Survivor'' with Beth. Beth turned to him and said ''I wonder what Sal would say if he was here.'' Howard said he was going to replay that Sal stuff from yesterday's show a little later today. Howard said that David Spade left him a funny message about Sal because he was attacked by his assistant Skippy. David warned Howard about Sal and said that at least he's giving him all of the warning signs that he's stalking him unlike Skippy did.
Howard asked Sal how he was going to get home and watch Survivor with him if he was going to be out late last night. Sal said he was going to do his guest spot at 9:40 and then come back to Howard's place. Sal said when ''Survivor'' came on last night he was thinking about Howard just like he was thinking about him. Howard said he didn't think about Sal, it was Beth who brought it up. Sal didn't sound like he wanted to get into the whole thing today. He thinks he's fine but Howard told him he's really not. Sal's mother was worried about him after the show yesterday. Gary came in and said that some people called him and told him that they really do have an ill person working there. Howard said some people suggested getting Sal checked out by a psychiatrist on the air. Sal told Howard that his dad was listening to him yesterday with some real estate clients and bragging that it was his son but he had to turn it off after 30 seconds and deny that it was his son.
Sal brought up how he used to have to work in a pizzeria when he was younger and had to work 7 days a week. Howard let him cry about that a little bit and goofed on him about crying about having to work for a living. Howard asked him if he ever wondered why he can't be in the same position that Howard is in. Sal said he doesn't want to ''be Howard,'' he just wants to be next to him. Sal told Howard that he had a strange dream last night about killing himself. He said in the dream his mother gives him some used provolone to return to a deli for Howard. The deli owner didn't let him take it back so he looked at a poster on the wall and it was guns and knives. Robin said that the dream was scaring her but she didn't know what it meant.
Howard asked Sal how he was going to get back to his apartment and stay over if that had worked out for him. Sal said he would have had a key and would have come home close to 10. Maybe Howard would have been awake because he sleeps erratically. Sal said he reads the email he sends around and sees the times he gets to sleep sometimes. Sal also said that he would cook some stuff up for Howard. He also said he would have slept in the same bed with Howard if there was no room anywhere else in the apartment. Artie was laughing and told Sal he'd better shut up already. This was getting creepier and creepier. Sal thinks that any guy would sleep in the same bed with Howard if they had the chance. Gary doesn't think that any guy out there would want to sleep in the same bed with Howard. Sal asked him if he would sleep in the same bed with his dad. Gary said that his dad is not Howard and it seems like Sal is trying to replace his dad with Howard. Sal went on to tell Howard that he has given him true happiness by giving him the job there. He wants to take it to another level and thinks that Howard must have more to give him. Robin said that she has to get out of there after hearing that. Artie sounded like it sounded like they weren't taking this seriously enough. Howard told Sal that he has to get over this whole thing. Sal was talking about how Howard has this aura about him that he thinks could make him happy. Robin thought that he was making this stuff up but Howard knew that he was serious. Howard said that Sal feels better when he's around him just like he feels better when he's around Beth.
Gary told Howard that when he cut Sal off on the air recently, Sal went into the bathroom and started talking to himself wondering why Howard doesn't want to know what he has to say. Jason came in and said that he overheard him doing that but Sal denied it. Sal said that Jason sits around eating strawberries with a toothpick in his mouth wanting to be Howard. Sal said he doesn't want to be Howard, he just wants to be around Howard. Sal told the guys that he doesn't want to be famous, he just wants to be around Howard. He doesn't want to be around celebrities but he did want to be around Ace Frehley. He also bragged that he told Jon Stewart that he stinks. Gary said that he does want to be around celebrities and that's why he went after Ace and Jon. Gary thinks that Sal seems to be messing up this cool career he has going right now by doing all of this stuff. Howard took a couple of phone calls and people think that Sal is out of his mind. Hook Nose Mike asked Howard if he is scared when he hears this stuff. Howard and Robin both said that they don't think Sal is dangerous so they're going to let him stick around. Howard asked Sal if he's ever been arrested. He said one time he got in trouble for kicking in a window. Then he was accused of rape but the girl took that story back and admitted it wasn't true. He was also arrested for spraying graffiti on a store right next to his father's pizzeria. There was also the Karaoke story where he got kicked out of a family camp for cursing in front of kids.
Bobo called in and told Howard that Sal sounds like he might be gay to the 10th power. Artie told him that he's not gay, he was accused of raping a chick. Howard told Sal to stay away from him and that he should go see a doctor about this. Gary asked Howard if he would invite Sal to a New Year's Eve party if it was happening next week. Howard said that he would invite Benjy before he'd invite Sal to something like that. Howard said he doesn't want to be near the guy after hearing all of this stuff. Once again Sal brought up the father/son comparison. Gary said that maybe Sal should see a therapist but he should want to see one. Sal doesn't see the need for that so he won't be going.
Doug Goodstein from E! came in and asked Sal what she thinks about all of this. Sal said she's away right now. Doug said that this whole thing is frightening everyone because it's gone so far. Sal said that this whole thing almost caused him to have a panic attack yesterday. Sal said that Howard hadn't responded to his e-mail about staying over at his place and freaked out wondering why he didn't respond. Gary said he hadn't seen the e-mail he sent in the morning and it said that he was waiting to find out so he could pack his things to stay there.
Sal said that his life is dedicated to the show now and he hasn't even had time to write a new stand-up joke in the past 6 months. Gary came back in with the e-mail that Sal sent at midnight the other night where he was wondering where Howard's response was. Howard said he thought that Sal was pranking Gary but Gary didn't think it was a joke. Doug thought it was a joke as well and told Sal to stop. Doug spoke to Sal the other night and thought that he was just pulling a prank. Sal said he was also talking to Louis the Board Op about how to get closer to Howard and he advised him to go ahead and ask him to do stuff. Louis said he told him to ask him to lunch or something but not ask him for a sleep over. Richard told Howard about how Sal got a call from his wife the other night when they were out at a comedy club and she told him he had to take the garbage out. Sal was going to stay at Richard's place but he had to go home and take out the trash so that's exactly what he did. Sal said that everyone is there to please Howard and there's no bigger ass kisser than Gary. Howard said that Gary is just doing his job and no one is kissing his ass there. They're all just working to make the show what it is. Sal told Gary that he doesn't get that he's just there to please Howard and that's what it's all about. The guys told Sal that he's the one who doesn't get it.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that there's a psychiatric term for Sal. He told Howard about what it was and read the definition of the term. He said that it could lead to a violent outburst if he isn't pleased. Robin thinks that it could lead to problems so Howard asked Dominic how he can get through to Sal. Dominic asked Sal if he has a relationship with his father. Doug said that Sal was always obsessed with getting Howard's approval even before he started working for the show. He would get all crazy if Howard didn't respond to song parodies and stuff that he sent to the show. Sal seems to think that he's in the clear and things will move on. Howard had to take a break after that.
Ralph's Views On Sal's Behavior. 04/15/05. 8:55am
Howard read some of the mail they got about Sal from yesterday's show. Someone thought that it sounded like Sal was jealous of Gary all these years because Gary was close to Howard and he wasn't and maybe that's why he was always goofing on him. There were a bunch of people who thought that Sal sounded kind of dangerous and suggested that he might want to get him out of there. Someone also said they were surprised that someone would admit to something like that.
Ralph called in and said that Sal could have just stayed in a hotel instead of asking to stay at Howard's house. He thought the whole thing was kind of crazy. He didn't hear the show yesterday so he got up early this morning to hear it all. Howard told Ralph that Sal also thinks that he'll be happy as long as he's working for him and he'd be even happier if he could take the relationship to the next level. Ralph told Howard it was also kind of weird that Sal looks up to Ace Frehley along with Howard. Howard said he felt really weird when Sal was looking at him the way he was looking at him yesterday. He felt like a girl with boobs being stared at by some dude. Sal came in and confronted Ralph saying that Ralph has been the biggest snake over the years. He said that he would never leach off the guy like Ralph does but in the replay Ralph heard Sal talking about how he thought he was a nice guy. Sal thinks that Ralph slithered his way into Howard's life over the years and he doesn't know why he's making it seem like he's a psychotic gay guy. Sal said that Ralph is trying to look like Howard as well and he's turned out to be an A-hole version of him. Ralph bragged that he is friends with Howard though. Ralph told Sal that he'd give Sal some pointers on being Howard's friend if he gives him a thousand bucks. Sal said that Ralph is like a wart on Howard's ass and he's always there. Howard said that Ralph isn't always there and he's never asked him for anything.
Ralph asked Sal why he wouldn't just shut up already because he should know what the show is all about after listening it for 20 years. Howard said that it's weird that Sal wants to be his friend just because he's famous. Sal doesn't believe that's the case. He said he just enjoys Howard's company and it's soothing to him. Sal said that he was getting drained talking about all of this stuff and he was about to pass out. Howard asked Sal why his company is soothing to him. Sal said it's like a shelter or a security like he feels when he's with his mother. Gary said that Sal is talking about Howard like he's Jesus or something. He's almost like a god to him. Howard asked Sal if he believes he has powers. Sal does not believe he does. Howard asked him if he believes that his enemies are also his enemies. Sal said in a way they are. Gary asked Sal why it was okay for him to goof on his teeth for years but them goofing on this stuff isn't okay. Sal said it's okay to goof on him but he doesn't want to be painted as an evil homo like Ralph was doing. Ralph never called him a homo though so no one understood why that was happening.
Ralph asked Howard who he would rather have at his house, High Pitch Eric, Sal or Gary the Retard. Howard said he would probably have Gary the Retard over before Sal or Eric. Artie gave Sal an F-Marry-Kill of Pam Anderson, Jenny McCarthy and Howard. Sal said he wouldn't sleep with Pam because she's diseased and Jenny McCarthy is so annoying that he'd probably strangle her. A short time later Sal said that he's a father of 3 kids and he's a nice guy, he just admires Howard for what he's done on radio for the past 20 years. Howard had to take another break before getting to a quick game of Stump the Booey.
David Letterman (Evil Dave) Calls In. 12/8/99. 8:15am
In a very rare moment David Letterman called in and bad mouthed his late night competition, Jay Leno! Dave has only been on Howard's show a couple of times in the past and he's usually in a rush to get off the phone but this morning he stuck in there while Howard played some of Leno's monolog. It almost seemed like it wasn't actually David Letterman but an impersonator.. He joked about how ''lame'' Jay's jokes are. He joked that Helen Kushnick was lucky to have died before seeing all of the lame stuff Jay's doing. Dave joked about Jay's weight saying that he ate all of the food in his green room when he used to appear on his show. It was a very different David Letterman. Howard said that since Dave is getting beat in the ratings by Jay, he's got to personally meet with advertisers. Dave said that he's got a clause in his contract that says if he drops below a certain rating share he has to sell advertising himself. He said he doesn't hate Jay, he's just making a living. Then he'd say that Jay looks like Dudley Dooright and that's what you look like after years of eating Pop Tarts. Eventually Dave had to run so he got off the phone. It turned out that it really wasn't David Letterman, it was just someone who did an amazing impression of him. It was kind of obvious because when Dave has called in he doesn't put up with Howard for more than 10 seconds.
THoHS:A3 - Quivers: A Life. 12/31/09. 6:00am
They played another show clip where Gary and Howard were talking about anal sex. Howard asked Robin about anal and what she does when she's going to have anal. Robin said she doesn't plan that stuff. She said that time she did it she didn't plan it at all. Howard said she makes it seem like she was raped. Robin said she didn't even know the person the day the day started. Robin told the story about how she met this guy and how he said hello to her as she was walking by him on her way into a store. She said that he asked her to walk with him and she went along with the guy. Robin said this was in 1978.
Robin told Howard that people were treating them like they were together so they just played along with it. They held hands and he had his arm around her waist. She said that they snuck into a bathroom and that's where they did it. Howard asked if they had regular sex. Robin said they didn't and it was the anal thing the first time. Howard said he's never heard of that being done the first time. Robin said she wasn't sure she wanted to continue this. Robin said she's not even sure if it was an accident or not. Robin said he started making out with her on the sidewalk and it was so hot she wanted to crawl up to her bed as soon as that started. Gary said it was great that she tried something that she had never tried before. Robin said she was shocked she enjoyed it. Robin said it felt too good and she didn't tell him that he was in the wrong place. She said the guy was big and he was just good at everything he did. She said he was the best lover she had ever had.
Howard said Robin was lucky she didn't have to go to the bathroom. She said she was lucky but you do that stuff at your own risk. Robin said that never happened again. Gary said that guy is the only guy who goes for that the first time. Robin said she thinks that the guy knew what he was doing because of the position he put her in. Gary said most women would ask ''Hey, what the hell are you doing?''
In the clip Howard told Robin about this guy Lord Windesmear and how his father used to tell him he was the engineer on this thing. He said that it's two guys and they're having a farting contest. The other guy's name is Paul Boomer.
Howard played some of the audio from this really old recording of them having this farting contest. Lord Windesmear would let out his farts while another guy was announcing it. They had a point system for the farts. The announcer was saying that they had to use a farting post to do some of the farts. At one point the announcer said ''Oh! He shit!'' and Gary forgot to bleep that out. Gary said he didn't know what he said there. He said he listened to it twice. Howard said he's so stupid. Gary said Scott listened to it too. Howard had to explain what he said. Scott told Howard he thought he said ''sits''. Howard asked how that makes sense. Gary said it makes as much sense as the other words. Howard said Gary is the only guy who doesn't understand the tape. Robin said they all heard it. Gary said he listened to it twice and he didn't hear it that way.
Howard said that's such a great tape. Gary said he has some of the other recording. He didn't have them pulled. Howard said he thought he told him to pull the other stuff. Howard said Gary does this with everyone. He said he was talking to someone else who said she used to say something to Gary and Gary would say she said something different. Gary said he can say Kathy's name. Howard said she told him that Gary does that to her all the time.
Ralph came in and said he has the same problem with Gary. He said that he gets it all the time. Gary said Howard did not tell him to pull other clips. Howard said he knows what he said.
Howard asked Gary why he would think they said ''sits'' in that clip. Gary said that's what Scott thought too. Ralph said he was sitting with Tom back there and they both looked at each other like ''oh my god!''
Howard said Gary made the end of that tape even funnier. He said he's either a genius or he's an idiot. Gary said he will take the idiot thing. Howard said he still can't understand how he'd make that mistake. He said that it was so obvious what they were going for in that part. Howard did an impression of the announcer in the Lord Windesmear clip. He did it as if they did say sits. Robin said that's too funny.
Gary asked Ralph to close the door and be on the other side of it. Gary said he didn't give him permission to come in. Howard said he wonders why he didn't ask for an explanation of why that was funny.
Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard that a bunch of guys just told him that it is ''sits''. He said that the tape has been floating around for years. Howard said that he will play it again and bleep it if it's not sits. Howard played the tape again and it was definitely ''shits.'' Howard said that it's not sits. Howard said it's the S-word. Howard told Scott to get back in there. Howard said he can't believe he didn't hear that.
Howard said Scott must have his ears filled with smoke. He said he won't come back in. Tom said maybe they can track down the originators of that bit and ask them. Howard said they're probably dead by now. Howard said it was definitely not ''sits.'' Gary said he admits that it is the other word. He said he hears it now. Howard said he can't believe in 1995 he can't play that. He said he was about 6 or 7 when he heard it the first time. Howard said his parents were never uptight about that kind of stuff. He said just cleaning his room was a big issue. He said he has porno tapes and stuff that they didn't care about.
Howard said he was 13 when he had a subscription to Playboy. He said his mom wasn't uptight about it. He said his mother told him that those women were freaks and he'd never meet anyone like that. Howard said his mother is a guy with a vagina so she wasn't lying about that. Howard said she told him it wasn't natural to have hips like that with breasts like that. Howard said he even had stag films that he'd watch with his friends. Howard said after about 6 issues of Playboy he got sick of it. Robin said maybe that's what his mother was going for.
Howard said they used to find nudist magazines in the neighborhood and they were so dirty. Howard said he'd pick those up out of the bushes and take them home. Howard said he had a stash of cigars in the basement too. He said he would stash them and the nudist magazines in a doll box his sister had. He said the magazines stunk from the cigars. He said the women were all big in those magazines. He said he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He said they were fugly women. Howard said his sister never went into that doll box. Howard said if you don't want your kids hung up on pornography then let them see it.
Andrew Dice Clay Visits. 04/26/06. 7:45am
After the break Fred was playing some Led Zeppelin songs with Dice Clay clips mixed in. They spent a few minutes talking about the band and then brought in Andrew Dice Clay. Howard gave him some intro music which was a rap song with clips of Dice's stand-up comedy in it. Dice gave Howard a few tongue twisters that were in those songs as well. Howard said that satellite radio must have been made for Dice because he's able to do what he wants there. Howard told Dice that's having a good time doing the show there at SIRIUS because he has no worries.
Dice said that he was stopped by a couple of guys on the street and the guys were telling him how funny he was when he was on Howard's show a few weeks ago. Howard said that someone asked him if he would go back to terrestrial radio to get the big audience. He said that the people are moving over to satellite and he doesn't want to go back there. He said he feels he has his integrity back since moving to satellite and he's not going anywhere.
The guys talked about the ''terrestrial radio'' term and how they had to come up with that after satellite radio was invented. Dice was also talking about everything they're calling ''hybrid'' these days. He doesn't get that and doesn't understand how they can use it for everything from cars to TV shows.
Howard said he remembers a couple of things about Dice's career where he got into some trouble. He went on MTV one time and got banned after cursing up a storm. Dice said he was asked to introduce Cher one time and he had his buddy Hot Tub Johnny with him. There were a couple of other comics like Paul Reiser there bombing on stage so Dice wanted to liven things up. Hot Tub Johnny asked him if he was going to go out and be a ''tear drop or a tidal wave.'' Then Dick Clark came over and told him that if he needed to fill time, they could send Arsenio Hall up to work with him. Dice said he got pissed at Dick after that. He ended up getting called on stage and he was pissed at that point so he did his act where he did his poems for the audience. He did those and that's what got him banned from MTV.
Dice said that the press was so stunned that day that there were no questions for him. He said that it was as if he had shot someone on stage. It also helped make him bigger than he already was. Dice was doing some Al Pacino lines from Donnie Brasco and wanted Artie to join in but Artie didn't know the movie that well. Artie wanted to do some Godfather stuff but Dice didn't want to do them.
Dice did some scenes but Artie couldn't join in because Dice was improvising his lines. He was doing his Marlon Brando impression and Howard said he was really getting into his characters. Dice was making up new scenes for Godfather Part 4 where he was talking about fingering a chick up to the knuckle and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Dice is the funniest guy in the world. The guy called from Florida so Howard said he was thinking of buying a place down there. Dice told Howard not to do that to himself. He told a story about doing a show down there and how horrible it was. He said he was living in Upstate New York for a while. He had been living with his father when he started to get really big so he wanted to move out.
Dice said he got a place in Boca Raton and it was right across the street from the beach. One day he went down and got a Slurpee while he waited for his wife to come down. He went out by the pool and there was a guy in his 90s sitting next to the pool. The guy told him he couldn't have any drinks in there so Dice told him not to worry about it and to mind his own business. He told the guy to just sit there and creak. The guy got up, came over and kicked his chair. The guy told him he really can't have anything to drink there so Dice got up and told him to go sit down. The guy pushes him and said that he's a young punk so Dice pushed him right into the pool. His wife was on her way there and asked what was going on. Dice told her that the other guy started it.
Howard said that the last time Dice was there, they had a great time. After the show Dice was leaving but Benjy did something kind of odd. He said that Benjy asked him if he could kiss Dice on the lips so Howard told him not to do it. He asked him not to do it but Benjy went out and did it anyway. Benjy went out, told Dice what a fan he was and had ''a moment'' with him and then went in for the kiss. Dice said he doesn't know Benjy and he has no idea how lucky he is that he's still there.
Benjy kept telling Dice that they had a moment but Dice didn't find it funny. He said he went back to L.A. and had people asking him why he let this guy kiss him. Dice asked Benjy if he ever got a feeling that he wanted him because he sure wasn't interested in his big fat ass. Benjy was stuck in his ''shtick coma'' and kept up the story about how they had a moment in the green room. Dice was really pissed at him and the two of them were going back and forth arguing with each other. Howard had to cut them off and tried to explain to Dice that he could never have a real conversation with Benjy.
Dice told Benjy that he was very lucky and sounded like he was going to beat the crap out of Benjy. Dice's guys came in to take care of things just in case something happened. Dice's guy ''Happy Face'' and Todd came in. Dice said that Todd was kind of upset that he didn't get to meet Howard the last time he was there. Ronnie came in and pushed them out of the room a short time later.
Howard said that Dice called Gary back a couple of days later and said that he didn't know this fat guy and he was ready to kill him when he went in for the kiss. Someone told Dice that he worked on the show so that's why he didn't slam him against the wall. Benjy told Dice that he was looking at him again and he was getting that feeling again. Ronnie came in and said that he told Benjy not to mess with him but he doesn't listen to what people say. Benjy said that if Dice really wants to fight... They could schedule something. Dice said he can handle it right there, not schedule something.
Dice told Benjy he owes him an apology and told him to take it back. Benjy wasn't taking anything back because he had no idea what he was telling him to take back. Dice said that Benjy was shaking and sweating that day and he figured he was just a fan so he gave him a hug.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that they have video of Dice and Benjy's hug on Howard TV On Demand. He figures that Dice would have killed him if he didn't know that Benjy worked on the show. Howard said it was funny but he did tell Benjy not to do it. Benjy was staring Dice down so Dice told him to just keep his mouth shut. If he tries to hug him again he's going to punch his teeth into the back of his fuckin' head. He said that Benjy is a stupid guy and he's not going to hug him. Benjy begged for another hug but Dice knows what he's in for.
Howard said that Dice will go crazy if he gets that kiss again. Benjy said that he just wants a hug from him but Dice doesn't want to do that. Dice doesn't want his kids to see a guy trying to kiss him again.
Dice said that after the last time he was on, he heard that ''Olivia and Annette'' (Opie and Anthony) went after him and his kids on their show. Dice went on Kidd Chris' show after that and told him that he's going to go after this guy ''Olivia'' and let people know where he lives. He said he's let him know that if he mentioned his kids on the air again, he was going to go after them. Dice said he's got an 11 year old and talking about his kid isn't right. He's going to have to run into him some day and he knows that he'll crumble as soon as he sees him.
Dice said that if that guy ever comes to L.A. He'd better be very well protected because he's going to get him if he's not. He went off on both of them for a short time and said that Anthony's face looks like it was hit with a meteorite. He said he's the only guy uglier than the guy in ''Grease'' who was a crater face. He said that they even used his face to design the bottom of a sneaker. He went off on him for a few minutes. He said that for them to go backwards, by going back on terrestrial radio, is ridiculous. He said that they had no listeners and they're trying to explain why they're going on free radio after their fans shelled out money to hear them on XM. Dice said that they had no ratings but Howard thought they did okay when they were on terrestrial radio before. Dice took credit for that saying that they got ratings after he started to show up on their show.
Howard said that Dice wears the weight lifting gloves and figures he wears them because he hates shaking people's hands. Dice said that's why he wears them because people are sneezing in their hands and wiping their nose and things like that.
Howard played the audio clip of Dice going off on a CNN reporter for getting his facts wrong about his career. He tells the guy to go fuck himself and walked off the show after just a few seconds. Howard told Dice that he had just done an hour with them and the time flew by. Dice said they wasted a lot of time on ''the little fat guy'' (Benjy). Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and thanked him for coming in. He told Benjy not to hug him goodbye and told him to let it go. Benjy said that Dice smelled delicious this morning with his soapy smell.
Howard took a call from Jessica Hahn who told Benjy to listen to Dice and drop it because he's not messing around. Howard told Dice that they'll get to some phone calls the next time he's on. He wants to talk to him about what happened with Hot Tub Johnny and Clubsoda Kenny as well the next time he comes in. Dice said he's going to be appearing in Detroit soon. He said that he's going to do a couple thousand people in the club and ticket sales shot up the last time he was on so he thinks Howard's show did that for him. Howard was about to go to break but told Fred to hold off because he was running out of time.
Jerry Schimmel, Plane Crash Survivor On The Phone. 9/11/97. 7:20am
This guy was on the phone to plug his book ''Chosen To Live''. He survived a plane crash back in 1989 and he's written a book about it. The story he told was pretty damn scary. He's an announcer for the Denver Nuggets he was flying from Denver to Chicago for his job. About halfway through the flight there was a big explosion. Everyone in the plane went silent. A few minutes later the captain came on and told everyone that the number 2 engine had exploded and damaged part of the plane. The plane was on a slow decent at that time. After a little while the plane leveled out but it was still shaking quite a bit. The plane was still flying so the captain told everyone that it wasn't going to be an easy landing. People still remained silent. They made it to the airport but as the plane came in for a landing it did self destructed. The right wing hit, the nose hit and the plane flipped. It broke into 4 big pieces and burst into flames. Jerry managed to survive and walked out of the plane. As he and a few others got out of the plane Jerry heard a baby crying. He walked back into the burning wreckage and found his way to the baby and saved her. The baby was in an overhead compartment. She somehow got thrown in there during the crash. 84 people survived and 112 died. Jerry was one of the lucky ones. Jerry suffered from smoke inhalation and whiplash. He still flies. He said that he hasn't seen that baby since the accident because the family thinks it might be too emotional.
FIRE IN The STUDIO!!! 11/5/96.
Around 9:30 this morning while Howard, Jackie, Fred and Robin were talking about the old Tonight Show Howard noticed a really nasty smell. Jackie saw smoke and Howard immediately said ''..let's get out of here...''. Howard was right out the door. He hadn't turned off the microphones so you could hear him yelling at Fred to play commercials. Poor Fred was in the studio running commercials while everyone else ran out. After a few minutes of commercial break they came back on. Apparently something in the board shorted out and smoked a bit. Scott The Engineer said that it was an amplifier module. Howard really sounded scared when it first happened. Robin just kept laughing through the whole damn thing. Does she ever stop? About a half hour later Gary came into the studio and told Howard that there was an ABC News crew downstairs. They heard that Howard was fired so they came down. How they got getting fired and having a fire in the studio confused is beyond me...
The first clip was a continuation of the fire in the studio segment that they played earlier. It was part of my rundown.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a guy who called 911 about his wife handcuffing him while he was napping. The woman ended up biting him while he was handcuffed. Howard explained the story and said he had audio of the guy's call to 911. Howard said he didn't want to be accused of hitting her so he just made the call and let her do her thing. Howard played the 911 call and the guy was asking for help and explaining that his wife has a history of violence. He said that she was handcuffed to him and he was holding her down. Howard said he saw a picture of the wife and she looks Asian. The audio clip was pretty long.
Gary came in and asked if the guy has the right to punch her in the face. Artie said yes. Robin said she had changed the locks on his bedroom door and she was the one who handcuffed him. Howard said he would punch the person in the nose but then you think about it and she's going to claim that he did something. He said you can't lay a fucking hand on her. Robin asked why he didn't call when he was laying in the bedroom. Howard explained that the guy went to lay down in the bedroom and the woman locked him in. Robin said she thought he went to sleep after she locked him in. She said that he dozed off because he was tired and then she came in and handcuffed him and started biting him. Artie said they were handcuffed together. Robin said he wasn't able to run from her but she wondered why he didn't call earlier. Fred said she should have done a Ray Liotta on her.
In the next clip Robin read about people with fetishes and asked Howard how many people he thinks have sexual fetishes. Howard said a lot of the guys there have them. Howard said King of All Blacks is into feet. Artie did an impression of King talking about feet. Robin said there's a clinical psychologist who says that most fetishes are for body parts. Robin said there are also fetishes for women's underwear. Artie was still doing his King of All Blacks impression and talking about those things. Robin said there are also hair and leather fetishes. Robin said only 2-4 percent of the male population have fetish arousal. Robin said many of them develop in childhood. Robin said if a parent put a pillow over your head to quiet you down then you may have a choking fetish.
In the next clip Robin read a story about Latoya Jackson. Here's my rundown from 2009:
Robin's News. 10/22/09. 10:05am
Robin read a story about Latoya Jackson fearing that she'll be the next to die. She thinks that her brother was murdered and she might be next. Howard said he saw a Michael Jackson tribute on Dancing with the Stars and now the whole family is out there. He said Latoya came out and talked about how influential her brother was. He said that she came on his show and said that her brother was a child molester. He wondered how anyone forgot that. Robin said they didn't but some people must have.
Howard said he clearly remembers Latoya saying some bad things about her brother. Robin said she ran into her in the bathroom at K-Rock one time and she was in there crying. Robin said Latoya told her she was afraid of Jack and she had to get away from her. Robin said she didn't do anything and just went back into the studio after that. Robin said Latoya told her not to say anything. Howard said that she could have stayed on the air and made an announcement that she had to get away from the guy. Howard said she could have announced that on the air and asked the cops to come. Howard said he bets Tom Chiusano wouldn't have let her stay. He probably would have kicked her out of the building.
Robin said that she was amazed that such a little man could cause so many problems with Latoya. That led to the guys talking about how they don't really do anything when they see people in distress. Artie said he saw a famous football player treating a girl like shit one time and he went up and said something to him. The guy told him to get the fuck away from him but in the meantime the bouncers got him.
Jason said that he and some other guys were in Amsterdam and they saw a woman being robbed. They watched her getting robbed and waited for the guy to leave. Then they went over and asked her for directions.
In the next clip Robin asked if Howard played the big game lottery. Howard said he did not. Robin said only one person won and it was $110 million. Robin said that it was just one winning ticket. Jackie said it was won down in South Carolina or somewhere like that. That led to Howard doing his Jackie impression and talking about how cheap he is. He said he takes a free bridge on his way to work instead of going through the tolls. Howard said he has done it too. He said it took an extra 10 minutes to get in. Howard said Ronnie used to insist on it. Howard said he told him to take the Midtown Tunnel instead. Stuttering John said that Jackie takes the lower level and it's not even a good view. John said he pays the toll. He said once you get to 2nd Avenue then the lights are timed and it works out great. He said Jackie just won't do it. Howard said saying he's taking that bridge for the view is a lie. He said that it's not the view. He said Jackie is just cheap.
John said he thinks Jackie has an obsession. He said Jackie buys him dinner and buys houses and stuff but he won't take that toll for the tunnel. Howard said Jackie is generous to John to keep him around. He said he needs a friend. Howard said Jackie is attracted to losers. Gary said Jackie is almost like a hippie. He said he can be generous in some ways. Howard said he sent him a lobster once and brought it to his house himself. He said he's so cheap.
Gary said if you make him t-shirts and stiff him on a penny then Jackie will chase you to the end of the earth. Gary said Jackie had too many years where he didn't make money. Howard said they all had those years. Howard said he still doesn't understand that midtown tunnel thing. Gary said he used to try to avoid the toll there too but he decided it was worth it after driving through a really seedy side of The Bronx. Howard said Jackie is making good money. He said the only reason he won't spend $3.50 is because he's cheap. John said he does pay it on the way home though. Howard said Jackie doesn't care about his job. He said getting home is more important to him. John asked why he doesn't take the 59th street bridge home. Jackie said it's always jammed up. He said taking the other way is quicker. John said it's quicker in the morning too though. Gary said you use Easy Pass then the toll is cheaper. Jackie said he's going to take the tunnel from now on so he never has to go through another half hour like this again.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a man who was assaulted in his home by attackers who put a plastic ketchup bottle over his penis. Robin said they say that this man called 911 and he claimed that his attackers cut him and he was bleeding. Robin said they found the man with the bottle hanging off his penis at a neighbor's house. Robin said he claimed they jumped out of a truck and asked where the neighbor was. He claimed they put that bottle over his penis. He later tried to cut of off with a knife. Robin said the police found blood in the guy's house. Howard asked if the cops think he did it to himself. Robin said they don't say. Howard said he thinks the guy did it to himself and he was messing around with the bottle. Robin asked if Howard would jam a bottle on a guy's penis and not take anything or do anything else. Howard said they need more of an investigation.
In the next clip Robin read a story about how many Muslims there are in the world. She asked how many Howard thinks there are. Howard said he has no idea. He guessed 1 billion. Robin said he's pretty close. Robin said there are 1.57 billion Muslims in the world. Howard said it's a popular religion. Robin said it's 1 in every 4 people. Robin asked how many Christians there are. Howard guessed 2 billion. Robin said there are 2.25 billion. Howard said there are like 7 Jews left. Howard said he finally found something he's good at and that's guessing religions. Robin asked where he thinks the most Muslims are located. Howard said he thinks somewhere in the middle east but maybe it's like France. Artie said he's going to say America. Howard and Robin said no way to that. Robin said most of them are in India. Howard said there are a lot of nice ones. He said a lot of them hate us though. Artie said he would way most of them are nice but on the day they attacked us there were 4 too many. Robin said there are more in Pakistan and Indonesia. Fred played some Indian music and Howard made up some lyrics for it. He called the song ''Unhappy Hanukkah''.
In the next clip they played more of the fire in the studio segment. They played the part where Gary came in and told Howard that ABC News thought Howard said he was ''fired'' when he mentioned the fire in the studio.
Today's special was over around 10:15am.
Jon said he's so glad Sal is there. He said the show kicked off with the anniversary of a very special day. He said it was the time he asked Howard if he could sleep over. Sal asked how many times they're going to go back to that beat to shit well. JD said he loves he's asking that when he did the horse tooth jackass thing for so long. Sal said they were spread out. Sal said it's enough with this story. He said he asked to sleep over and that's it. Sal said he'd like to get to the anniversary of the time Jon talked about how many times he got blow jobs.
Benjy asked if Sal has ever slept over at Howard's house or been there. Sal said he hasn't. Jon said he's been to Howard's house.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's interested in hearing the Sal story. He said he thinks that Sal is gay. Sal said that's because he fucked this guy's father. Jon asked why the caller thinks Sal is gay based on that segment. The caller said he has been that crazy over a girl but never over a guy like that. Sal said he got him, he's gay. Jon thanked the caller for getting that out of Sal.
Jon said if Sal listened to that segment he would hear that he sounded full on in love with him. Jon said he thinks that Sal still thinks it wasn't wrong. Sal said it as all awkward. He said he was just asking to sleep over for one night. He said he thinks that Gary would have no problem with him staying at his house for a night. Jon asked JD if he thinks that's true. JD said he's not sure about that. He said he knows Sal and Gary have been close. He said he wouldn't feel right asking Gary to sleep at his house. He said he'd feel really weird having anyone sleep at his place.
Sal said he has been calling the show since 1989 and he has been on the show since 1996. He said he thought he knew Howard pretty well. Jon said he feels close to Howard among millions of others. He said he gets the face time and it wasn't such a huge leap for him to think he could hang out. Jon said asking Howard to do anything like that isn't going to work. He said it's not the same as asking Richard or even JD. Sal said that he and Howard had gone out to dinner and they were close. He said he didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Benjy said he's going to be honest about this. He said he isn't sure if Sal was being serious or not. He said he thinks he knew there was funniness about it. He said he thinks just asking about it was funny.
Sal said what really went down was that he sent the email to Gary. He wanted his approval. He said he didn't want it to be a big deal or not. He said he wanted Gary to ask Howard. Benjy said he doesn't know if this was a joke or not. Sal said it wasn't a joke. He said he wanted to hang out with Howard at his house. He didn't think it would manifest itself like it did. Jon said that it clearly wasn't a joke.
Benjy said he and Sal went to a buffet once and Sal cut in line without even thinking about it. Benjy said he would do that but he would do it by thinking about it first. He said he still thinks Sal thought about it and how outrageous it was. Jon said he thinks that Sal had no idea and he learned his lesson after the fact.
Sal said he used to talk to Howard a lot when he started there. He said Howard helped him out with some personal things too. He said he thought they were at that moment but apparently they weren't. He said maybe they were but then Howard decided it would be more entertaining to chastise him on the air. Sal said maybe there was something between Gary and Howard that they wanted to get it on the air.
Jon told Sal that the phone lines were all lit up wanting to talk about this so he should never tell him not to. Benjy asked when he wanted to go to Howard's house. Sal said it would have been around midnight. He said he'd have to get up at 4am the next morning to go to work. Benjy asked why he didn't just go to K-Rock. Sal said no way he would ever go there.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal what he would have done if Howard had said yes. Sal said that's a good question. Jon said he doesn't think Howard wanted Sal at his house at all. Sal said he knows that now. He said that's fine.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has to back up Sal. He said that he's a very family oriented guy and he can see why he thought he had a bond with Howard. He said as a long time listener he feels that way. He said he thinks Sal fucked up with the timing of it all. He said maybe it was the delivery. He said he has his back on this though. He said Sal went with his gut and he should just keep moving forward. Sal said he hit it right on the head. He said there's love in the air and he felt comfortable at the time. He said he wasn't even asking Howard directly. He said that's why he went through Gary.
Jon asked Sal if he would do it now. Sal said no way. Jon said he thinks if you listen to the show you know Howard and his sensibilities. He said he should know how he feels about these kind of things.
Sal said Jon is wrong. He said if you know Howard you hear about Stuttering John hanging out with him. You hear about Howard hanging with Dominic Barbara and Jackie Martling. He said he was on the show as a guest for 10 years and then he started working there. He said he went to dinner with Howard. He said they had developed a relationship. He said he figured that Howard had done things with other people on the show and he didn't think with his position on the show that he was out of line. He said Howard has his vices and OCD and stuff. He said it wasn't a big deal to spend a night based on what he heard.
Jon said Sal was asking to hang out and watch Survivor. Sal said they were asking him what he wanted to do. He said he wasn't the one who brought that stuff up. He said he just thought about what he would like to do with him if he was at his house. Sal said if he had Jon to his house what would he want to do. He rattled off a few things they could do.
Benjy asked Sal what he would do if one of the new interns asked to sleep over. Sal said he can't interact with them that way. Sal said if Umar needed to stay over he thinks he would let him. He said he'd be selective though. Benjy asked what he would do and if he would feel awkward. Sal said it all depends on the situation. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Sal asked if he is sexually attracted to the actress. JD said that she's cute. Jon said the show is not over so there is a chance. JD said they had a big premiere last night so he's not sure how late they were out.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she didn't hear the show today but she remembers that time Sal asked Gary first. She said it showed he wasn't that comfortable with Howard. Sal said she is exactly right. He said he had a relationship with Howard but not one where he was completely comfortable to ask him directly. He asked Gary for his opinion. He said he was the one who sent it to Howard. Sal said he wasn't sure if it was the right time to ask Howard directly.
The caller said if it was her boss she wouldn't feel comfortable asking. Sal said it wasn't about feeling comfortable. He said he was second guessing himself. Sal said he went to Gary for advice. He said they turned it into that whole thing.
Shuli asked Sal what he would do now. Sal said this would never come to his mind again. He said he knows where he stands there now. He said not even a thought. Shuli said he may not want to go to Howard directly but he was kind of clue less at the time. He said he was just happy to be a part of things. Sal said he was an employee and he had gone to dinner with Howard. He said he didn't think it was that big of a deal. He said he was smart enough to ask Gary first. Jon asked if he thinks he did anything wrong back then. Sal said he didn't because he asked Gary first. He said asking Howard first would have been wrong.
Benjy asked if Jon thinks there is anything he did wrong. Jon said he thinks that he shouldn't have asked at all. Sal said he perceived the relationship wrong.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Howard would let Fred stay at his house. Jon said it all depends. Benjy said early on Fred did stay at Howard's house. Shuli said that those stories about Fred eating just hot dogs at his house were from Fred staying at the house. Jon said he thinks that Howard would have Fred over. Benjy asked if it was the same situation to Sal's situation. Jon said he thinks that he'd let him stay. He said he's not sure Fred would ask but Howard might offer it to Fred.
Shuli said that the fans coming into this is a big difference than Fred. Benjy said he likes Craig Gass a lot and he asked him to stay over at his place. He said he said yes and it turned out to be a lot of fun. Shuli said he stayed with Richard once. He said he stayed until he learned he was sitting in his jerk off chair.
Jon said the difference is that all of these stories are about people other than Howard. Sal said that no one is on a pedestal though. He said Howard is a human being and he shits, eats and sleeps like anyone else.
Sal said he thinks if he had stayed at Howard's house things would be very different and not in a good way. He said it's better to leave it like this.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the live Wrap Up Shows. He said that he never would have thought Sal would last working there after hearing that story years ago. He said Sal and Richard just make the show better and he loves listening to Sal and Richard. He said that's the only thing he lets his kids listen to. He said they love their phony phone calls.
Shuli said that when they were in the Get John's Job contest he and Sal didn't like each other. He said he was a new guy coming into the whole thing. He said he and Sal had a beef. He said once he saw Sal do his week he actually voted for Sal. He said he didn't vote for himself. Sal said he voted for himself. Benjy said he voted for JD.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Sal should have just gotten a hotel. Sal said he should have. Benjy asked what he did that night. Sal said he went home. He said he only got an hour and a half of sleep but he went home. Sal said he admires Howard and he found out that he's just a co-worker.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Bobo called in during that segment. He said of all people to call in it was Bobo. Jon said that they have two levels of stalking there. Jon said that Sal explained himself today and he understands where that leap came from. Sal said he never stalked Howard. He said he never even drove past his house. He said he was obsessed with creating for Howard and impressing Howard.
Jon asked Sal if he ever stalked anyone. Sal said no. He said he was obsessed with contributing to the show family. He said the closest he did with Gary was when Stuttering John would tell him where Gary was at that day. He said he'd call a restaurant saying he was Gary's brother and he'd do a horse tooth jackass prank to him at the restaurant. He said he pranked him at a hotel in Vegas once too. Jon said that wasn't stalking though. Sal said that was material for the show. He taped it all. Sal said John didn't give him that information every time Gary was out. He said it was just once in a while. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Jon said it was time to move on from Sal and talk about Dice. He asked Benjy about the time he tried to kiss Dice and what happened there. Benjy said he felt there was an attraction there. He said their eyes are sort of similar. He said Dice was great about it and he ended up calling him Big Balls Benjy. He said he was never a big fan of Dice's stand up but he became a big fan of him after he heard him talking on the show. Jon said he thinks that Howard wants to get to Andrew and not Dice so much. He said when you hear him as Andrew you hear about the history of his act and things like that.
Benjy said that dice seems like a nice guy. Sal said he is but he has a very unorthodox way of bringing other comedians up. Shuli said he worked with Dice at Governors once and he asked him not to introduce Don Jamieson. He said that he was just going to walk out during his act. Shuli said what it does for a comic is throw your timing off. He said he kept wondering when Don was going to come out. He said he thinks it's fun for Dice but it's also a test for other comics.
Sal said he went to see Shuli that night and Don came out and just tapped him on the shoulder and took over. He said it seems humiliating to a comic. He said he felt bad. Shuli said the first time he worked with Dice he asked him how much time he was going to do. He said he could do 3 minutes. Dice told him to talk about the song he's going to play. He said he thinks that Dice wants him to bomb and that's entertainment for him. He said he decided that he should just do it so that's what he did.
Sal said it would be great if he took him on tour and asked him to do that. He said just to throw a guy a guest spot and jam him up there then it's different. Shuli said he bombed hard that night. He said Dice watched his 3 minutes and told him he should have gone longer. Shuli said the next night he let him do 30 minutes though. He said he did great too. Shuli said he would do it again too.
Jon said on Monday they have the Billy Joel Town Hall coming up. He said that's going to be at Noon on Howard 100 and the Billy Joel channel. He said they'll have questions from the audience and they'll be talking to Billy.
Sal said Billy is great. He said it's like being in his back yard. He said it's just so great. He said Billy is still doing it and his music is epic. He said he's been into Captain Jack lately. He said he saw him do a show recently and he did it there. He said he likes Goodnight Saigon too. Sal told Jon that he had a friend who thought that it was a song about comradery and they used to play it and sing and dance together to the song. Jon asked how they sing that when he's singing to the fallen soldiers. Sal said that part is tough. Sal said that his buddy interpreted the song as being comradery and that's the way they thought of it.
Jon had the guys get in their plugs and then ended the show. They were done around 11:15am.