|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show with a problem with Robin's microphone. They had music coming through her microphone. Howard asked how that happens. He said they had it all set up and then that happens. Howard asked if they test that stuff first. Howard asked what the problem is. Scott said he was sorry. Howard said this is supposed to go on before he gets in there. Scott said he has to look into it. Howard said he still treats this seriously.
Robin was finally there. Howard said they were in there setting it up and then there's music playing. He said it shocked the shit out of him. He said he saw them testing things before the show.
Howard asked what's going on there with Scott. Scott said he apologizes. He said when he ran out of there to get out of Howard's way he must have dragged the mouse onto the wrong button. Howard said it's no problem but he gets thrown. Scott said he didn't mean for it to happen. Howard said he's sorry he's there. He said he wishes he was home.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked when he's going to fire Scott. Howard said out of all the years he just made one mistake. He said he's fine.
Howard pulled out his guitar and started to play what he could of a Cat Stevens song. Howard said he thinks he knows ''Father and Son.'' Howard played a little bit while Robin laughed. Howard said he's doing it for the people. Robin said it's the way he's imitating Cat Stevens that made her laugh.
Howard did more of the song and Robin continued to laugh. Howard said he'd like to see Robin do that. Robin said she hates Cat Stevens. Gary said his wife does too. He said she turns him off if he comes on the radio. He said he and Ross were talking about that and how both of their wives seem to hate Cat Stevens.
Robin said she was glad when he denounced America because they stopped playing his music. Howard said he loves the guy. He said he now calls himself Yusuf Islam. Howard asked who he inducted. Gary said he was inducted himself. Howard asked who else was inducted. Gary said KISS did and they walked in like they owned the place. Gary said they didn't get to perform but they should have.
Gary told Howard how he got to sit at the E Street Band table. He said that he didn't have a table seat when he got there. He said that cost a lot of money. He said he ended up getting to sit there but he didn't have one at first. Gary said the tables there were like $100,000 a piece. He said he isn't sure what they do with that money.
Gary said he ran into Nils Loftgren at the cocktail hour. He said he thinks that the person who gets into the hall of fame gets a seat plus one. He said Nils' wife Amy is a huge fan of the show. Howard asked how he's doing. Gary said he's good and he has a box set coming out soon. Gary said that Nils told him he had a seat and he invited him to sit there. He said that he was in heaven sitting there. He said Ross found a table in the back so he got to sit there. Howard asked where Bruce was. Gary said he wasn't at a table. He said Bruce inducted the band though. Gary said he was inducted as a solo act in 96 or 98. He said they finally inducted the band this year.
Howard said there are guys who were on the first album and then left. Howard asked who they were. Gary said it was David Sanches and Vinnie Mad Dog Lopez. He said he's not sure why they left. He said they were part of the band though.
Howard asked how long their speeches were. Gary said each of the 9 got to make speeches. Gary told Howard about the people who were up there. Gary said he thinks he's going to be all over the HBO special. He said he was trying to hide from the camera when they were being inducted. He said he was just a guest who was invited to the table. He said he was just invited to sit at the table. Gary said he was just trying to stay out of the way. Howard said he's going to look stupid trying to hide from that. Howard said he should have just sat there.
Gary said there were times they were trying to get shots of people and he was just in the way. Robin said that's the cameraman's job to get those shots. Gary said the induction went on for a long time for those guys.
Howard said that Questlove mentioned Gary's name when they inducted Hall & Oates. Howard played a clip of that. Questlove had a joke about how John Oates looks like Gary.
Howard asked if they played any KISS songs at all. Gary said there were none. He said that Linda Ronstadt wasn't there either. Howard asked what happened with KISS. Gary said the original 4 got up and spoke and they talked about the other 7 guys who have been in the band since. Gary said there were a lot of adults in suits wearing makeup there. Robin said they should have had all of KISS there because they had all of the E Street Band there.
Sal came in and said he heard there was going to be an all out jam but the E Street Band took up so much time that they cut out the final jam. Gary said that is true. Sal said he wasn't there but he heard the story from Eddie Trunk who is a friend of the show. Gary said that one guy from the E Street Band went for 8 minutes even though he was told to keep it to 30 seconds. Howard said no wonder Bruce hates those guys.
Gary told Howard that Linda Ronstadt wasn't there but they had Glenn Frey accept for her. He said that they had a bunch of performers doing her songs. Howard said she never wrote her songs. He said that she was performing other people's songs. Howard said that doesn't make any sense. Howard said she never wrote a song. Gary said he gets that but Frank Sinatra was like that too. Howard said it's just weird that artists were covering songs that Linda covered. Gary said she's ill and she wasn't able to make it there. He said she has Parkinson's.
Gary said Nirvana was inducted. He said that was great. He said Joan Jett performed with Nirvana and they did ''Smells like Teen Spirit.'' Lorde did one of their songs too. Howard asked how that was. Gary said he left right before she came on. He said it was 12:20am by the time she was coming on and he just had to get home.
Howard said he was watching their Birthday Bash special and John Mayer performing there. Howard said that he doesn't know all of his music but he bought it all on iTunes. He said he was doing some stuff around the house and listening to his music.
Gary said the show started at 7:15 and when he left at 12:20am it was still going on. He said the thing that slows it all down are the speeches. Howard said that was Gary's story from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Gary said he got to talk to Jackson Browne a little bit. Howard asked why he's not on the show. Gary said he's making a record in L.A. Howard asked if he's really that busy that he can't come on the show. Gary said he's not promoting it yet though. Howard said the guy has never been on the show. Howard said he should come in and help promote his whole catalog.
Howard said he downloaded the John Mayer compilation and it was like 30 bucks. Howard said there is nowhere to sell a whole album now. He said the business is crazy. He said he should just come on the show. Howard said Gary should have yelled at him to come in and talk to him. Gary said he's a really nice guy. Howard thanked Gary for the story and moved on.
The caller asked how the band is coming along. Howard said he doesn't know. He said Benjy's Shofar playing has to be worked on.
Howard asked Fred how his guitar playing was going. Fred said it was good. Howard said they must want an encore. Howard got the guitar again and started to play the Cat Stevens song again. The caller said it sounds awesome. Howard was doing his impression again and the caller said it really sounds like him. Robin said it did and that's why she was laughing.
Howard asked if he had any other requests. The caller said it was great talking to them. Howard started singing another Cat Stevens song ''Tea for the TillerMan.'' Howard said he would love to interview the guy. He said he thinks that would be fascinating. Howard said his fingers hurt from playing the guitar. He said he has calluses on calluses. He said they heal up and then you have to start all over again.
Howard took another call from Jim in Raleigh who asked if it's not risky enough for CBS to pick Stephen Colbert to replace Letterman. Howard said he really doesn't know Colbert that much. He said that he had a conversation with him at AGT once. He said he seemed like a really nice guy. He said he did a bit on AGT for his show. Howard said it seemed funny but he never saw the whole bit. Howard said it involved Colbert going on a bunch of shows and appearing real quick. He said it was funny and inventive. Howard said no one ever got into what went on behind the scenes at CBS. Howard said he thinks that Letterman must have gone to Les Moonves months and months ago. He said they had a deal with Colbert a week later. Robin said she heard a theory that they made a bunch of calls as soon as Dave made his announcement. Howard said he would have thought that they would have gone through a lot more of a process.
Howard said he's read that Craig Ferguson is out. Howard said Craig must be upset that they won't even give him a consideration. Howard said the guy is a nice guy but he can't imagine him stepping into Letterman's shoes. Howard said Jon Stewart finds all of these guys and he loses them to other networks. Howard said John Oliver is going to HBO. Now he's losing Colbert. Howard said Colbert is a mystery to him. He said he knows a lot of people watch him though. Howard said they're making a whole big deal about how Colbert won't be playing that character he is on The Colbert Report. Howard said he'll be the same guy. He said he thinks it won't be that hard to transition.
Jim said he's not sure that he can compete. Howard said he thinks that he is very creative and talented from what he's read. Howard said all of these guys will be duking it out for a 2 share in the ratings. He said they're in there 30s and 40s and all competing for those ratings. Howard said he was thinking of how crazy things are going to be in that time slot. He said it's Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon and Colbert.
Robin said this will ease Howard's tensions about going on shows. Howard said it really doesn't. He said he likes all of those guys. Howard said he doesn't feel he has to do anything for Colbert though. He said he doesn't owe him anything.
Jim asked Howard who he would have picked. Howard said he likes that guy on FOX, Greg Gutfeld. Howard said he thinks he's a funny, bright guy. He said he's a conservative and he seems to be a bright guy. Howard said he has something funny when he watches him. He said he would have considered Joel McHale too. Howard said he's a funny guy. Howard said there are a lot of guys he would have considered. He said he would have tested a few. Howard said it seems like an awfully quick decision to him. Robin said maybe they had a plan. Howard said he would have had Michael Jackson's kids do a test show. He said that he would have done that with a lot of people. Howard said he heard that Blanket is going to be a band leader for Stephen Colbert. Howard said he thought Chelsea Handler was going to be up for the job. Howard said he thought maybe a black person would be hosting. Howard said Les Moonves must have known what he wanted.
Howard said there's this guy who went berserk and shot up a temple. Robin said that was in Kansas. Howard said the weird thing is that the guy, Glen Miller, didn't shoot any Jews. Howard said there were people there at some event and it wasn't just Jews. Howard said it was a rec center so there were a bunch of different people there. Howard said some dude named Underwood went up to people asking if they were Jewish and they would say no and he's still shoot them. Howard said he's not sure if he shot any Jews. Robin said she's not sure either. Robin said the thing that cracked her up was that the sheriff wasn't sure if it was a hate crime. Howard said you can be sure.
Howard said they had this guy on their radio show for about 45 minutes. Jim said he was the Klan guy. Howard said he decided to run for office and they had him on the air for that. Howard said he got 7 votes out of 1.9 million votes. Howard said he has the clip and he thinks this is the same guy who shot people up. Howard played a clip of a political announcement that Miller made. Jim told Howard that it is the same guy.
Howard played bits of the guys commercial and his tag line was ''It's the Jews, stupid.'' Howard said it's crazy. He said these guys are so against the Jews. He said they should just get their shit together. Robin said he was 73 at this point. Howard said they did interview the guy and he was on the air for like 40 minutes. Howard said they may play it later in the day on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who he hadn't spoken to in a while. Howard asked if he's going to go shoot people. Mike said he's not. He told Howard that his guitar lessons really are paying off. Howard said he hasn't had any lately. He said he hasn't had time. Howard said in his mind the song sounded good. Mike said it sounded decent. Mike told him he needs to know the lyrics though. Howard said he did it spur of the moment. Howard said he can't really play anything on the guitar. Mike said he loves him before Howard let him go.
Howard said he met Mike down in Florida. He said hew as right out in front of Bubba's place. He said he spoke to him for a little while and then he had to leave. Howard said it's hard to take guitar advice from a guy who calls him a Hook Nose Jew Bastard though. He said he is a really nice guy in person.
Howard said he has a lot of things to talk about. He said Bam Margera is coming in. Howard said he is so out of control though. He said he's one loony mother fucker. Howard said he hopes he's not trying to kill himself. He said when he has free time he gets into major situations. Howard said it's stuff you go to prison for. He said the guy is nuts.
Howard said we don't do that enough in life where you call and let someone know what's on your mind. Howard said there's this guy who shot up the temple in Kansas and to show how hopped up he was about the Jews here's some of the interview he had with him on the air. Robin said that she thinks that this is a different guy because the name they have in the paper is different. Howard said he was Glen Miller on the show. Gary said that the NY Times says that he was on their show so it is the same guy.
Howard played a clip from the interview where he was talking to Miller and Miller was talking about the Jews and why he dislikes them so much. He said he hates the Jews 1000 times more than the blacks. Robin told Howard that he was saying Heil Hitler or something when he was being arrested after shooting people. Howard said he thought that they took him out but Robin said he was still alive. (You can read my rundown in my 2010 archives)
Howard said that these guys get so worked up over their hate and they don't have much else going on in their lives. Howard said he has a clip of him talking about Hitler. He played that clip next. Robin said he uses a few different names. She was reading about the aliases he has.
Richard came in and said that Will is just jealous. He said he has 2 kids now and he can't do that stuff. Richard said he could tell he was so jealous. Howard asked how many beers he had before he was on stage with Stryper. Richard said he had a lot. He said he didn't know he was going to be on stage that night. Richard said it was a beautiful day on Saturday. He said he was just celebrating. He said he had probably 10 or 12 beers by then. Howard asked if it was more like 20. Richard said it wasn't. Howard asked when he started drinking to get to the 8 beers. Richard said he ran 10 miles Saturday morning. He said he started drinking around noon. He said he drank the rest of the day until the concert.
Howard asked who many beers he had the whole day. Richard said it was probably 12. He said he was hammered. Howard asked how they got to the concert. Richard said they took a cab. He said he tweeted about going and they knew he was there so they asked him to come up and play. He said he's been drumming to their songs since he was a kid so it was great to play with them.
Richard said one of the guys from the Tapes Team recorded him playing. He said he did Sing Along Song. Howard played the song that Richard played to. Howard said he was actually really good. He said he heard the clip.
Richard said he's getting upset just thinking about telling his parents about this. He said they took him to his first Stryper concert and he can't wait to tell them. He was breaking up as he was telling Howard that.
Howard asked how the guys in the band know Richard. He said they know him from the show. He said that they are his favorite band. He said he likes them more than Metallica. Richard said he got to keep the sticks he used. He said that he had his wedding ring on and it cut through his finger so he had a cool drumming wound from that.
Howard asked if he wore a diaper that night. Richard said he was diaper free. He said he's sorry to let him down with that. Howard congratulated him on that. Richard said it was an honor.
Howard said someone has to help Richard out with his drinking problem. Richard could barely remember that whole performance. Richard said it was so unreal to him. He said the band was real nice about the whole thing. He said they took a chance on him not knowing he had so many beers there. Howard said he has to go pee now. Richard said he can't wait for Bam. He said his buddy Novak did one of the funniest things ever. He said that Novak was climbing up a rock wall and Bam started pissing in his face. He said Novak just takes it. Howard said Novak should start his own thing. Richard said they have done some things like that. He said Bam and Novak did this movie called Where the Fuck is Santa. He said that they did some really funny stuff in that. Howard said they'll have to check that out.
Howard came back and said that he likes this song. Howard asked where it's from. Fred wasn't sure. He said they have a bunch of versions.
Howard said Bam Margera is there. He said he has a new game show called Bam's Bad Ass Game Show. Bam came in a few seconds later. Novak was there with him too. Howard said they look like they just stepped off the stage like rock stars.
Bam said he has known Novak since they were 10. He said that Novak was in jail for a year and he took his S55 Mercedes and crashed it into a parked car. Howard said he heard about that. Howard said Novak was in jail. He asked what for. Novak said it was prescription fraud. He said he was trying to get Oxycodone. Howard asked if he was addicted to them. Novak said he was. He said he's been 90 days sober now. He said he's not even drinking. Bam said that was the first time he wanted to go in. He said he wanted to get clean. Novak said the walls were closing in on him. Bam said that he was in a hotel with a transvestite and he was going to go clothes shopping with him. Bam said Novak is his walking TV set. He said he wants to put a rectangle around his head.
Howard asked Bam if he misses getting high with him. Bam said he only drinks so he didn't do that other stuff that Novak does. Howard asked Novak if he misses it. Novak said it wasn't fun anymore and he doesn't miss it. He said he has grown up a bit. He said he wants to live and life isn't that bad. Bam said that he's had him reel it in a bit with his drinking now too.
Howard said Johnny has reeled it in a bit and so has Steve O. Howard said Bam is like the last of the Mohegans. Bam said he did a 100 foot fall and ruptured a hernia doing that. Howard asked if he's trying to do what the Jackass guys aren't doing anymore. Bam said he has so much material now. He said he has something that was 20 years in the making. He said he got injured in that fall and every time he went to the hospital they'd say it wasn't an emergency. He said that he told them that it was an emergency because his hernia was popping out every time he'd yell.
Howard said he's in a band called Fuck Face. Howard said he has to take a breather and figure out what's going on here. Howard said he has a sheet of paper telling him what they're up to. He said he thinks they're going to be dead if they keep it up.
Howard said that Bam got mad at Novak for crashing his car. He asked why he would let him drive that car. Bam said he didn't let him drive it. He said he got into his house and knew the keys were in the car. He said he had his gate code. Novak said he had to go to Wawa to get a sandwich. Novak said he bent over to get a CD off the floor and the steering wheel went with him. He said he crashed into this car and he kept driving. Bam said that the cops came to arrest him after it happened. Novak said he had a lot of pills on him so he had to run. He said he couldn't get arrested.
Howard asked Bam if he ever questions his friendship with him. Bam said he knows he's never going to pay him $125,000 back. He said he already owes him $300,000 from a hospital visit. Howard asked if he owns a house. Novak said he does but it's in his girl's name. Howard asked if that bothers him. Novak said it does. Howard asked what his occupation is. Novak said he has a documentary coming out called ''Where's My Needle?'' Howard asked if Bam is involved in that. Bam said he is and so is Tony Hawk and a bunch of other people.
Howard asked if they think this is all going to end badly. Howard said he read this story about Bam smashing Novak in the head with two plates of Tacos. Howard said he could have died that way. Bam said he loves doing this stuff. He said he comes up with crazy ideas to screw with him every day. Bam told Howard something he did with blue paint and dirty kitty litter. Novak wasn't laughing. Howard asked if he had to go to the hospital the day he hit him with the tacos. Novak said he did.
Bam was laughing through this whole story. He said that they are so well known at the hospital that they get fast tracked in when they go there. Bam said that Novak is loving this because he doesn't have to worry about living in a shelter in Baltimore anymore.
Howard said he knows that Bam has built this thing in his house that will make the floor drop out. Bam said he caught him ordering Piranha for the house once. He said he made a trap door on the second floor and it'll drop you out. Novak asked where that is. Bam said he's not going to tell him where it is. Bam said that he'll end up falling into a kiddie pool with Piranha in it. Howard said he may end up killing this guy. Howard said he could break his neck or something. Bam said he is a Baltimore cockroach and he'll never die.
Howard asked Bam about this trap door and what he's going to do if he kills the guy. Bam said he thinks Novak knows that he's getting close to being paid off. He said that he has to fuck with him. He said that he had a lot of time to kill because of his injuries. He said he got his hernia fixed 3 months ago so he's good to go. He said he's building a 40 foot loop in Anguilla. Howard asked if he's worried that he's going to kill himself doing this stuff. Bam said that he's not worried.
Howard said he doesn't get why they don't care about their bodies and what happens to them. bam said he works out how he's going to fall in his stunts but Novak just does them without thinking. bam said he knows how to do them but Novak doesn't. He said that's why he likes Johnny Knoxville because he'll go into something like that too. Bam said that Johnny is busy doing other things right now but he thinks they'll do another Jackass movie. He said he has a lot of material himself and so do some of the other guys. Howard said that this movie could be his Jackass. Novak said that this is his time to shine.
Howard said he has some things he wants to ask about. Howard said he has to get to Bam's Bad Ass Game Show that's on tonight. Howard said they have a band called Fuck Face Unstoppable. Howard said Novak is in the band but he doesn't know how to play. Bam said he likes to sing. He said he knows how to play a little bit too. Howard said Novak is in the band too though. Bam said he's not really in the band. He said he comes out and sings Phil Collins before the band comes out. Novak said he had his asshole ripped open recently. Howard said he read that he sucked a guy off on stage and someone in the band quit the band over it. Novak said that the guy was a fan of Gigi Allen so he figured that he'd like it. Novak said this guy was calling him a faggot on stage so he told him to whip out his cock and he sucked it a couple of times. Howard said the guy pulled his pants down and he sucked it. He said that shows that they might both be gay.
Novak said that he's not gay. He said he likes women. Bam said he thinks there might be a little bit of gayness there. Howard said he is doing it for art but there might be something gay about that. Howard said maybe he's gay and he's upset about it. Novak said he would suck Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp's cocks. Howard said that sounds very gay to him.
Bam said he flew all over the world and then he flew to meet Novak in New Orleans. He said he was cussing on the flight and he ended up with his hand down Novak's pants. Novak said he jerked him off for about 8 minutes or so. Bam said he had no idea he was doing it. Novak said they were surrounded by psychiatrists on the plane. He said they were all looking at them and they though they were fucking nuts. He said they were all asking them to come hang out with them too.
Bam told Howard that Novak has the smallest penis he's ever seen. He said it's like 4 inches. Howard said that looks big to him. Bam said he's not sure why Novak didn't stop him from jerking him off. Novak said it made him shut up so he was fine with it. Robin said she thinks they have to do all of this other stuff or they would end up blowing each other.
Howard asked what happened when Novak got his asshole ripped open. Bam said they were in Liverpool England and he was asking for 30 bucks to do something. He said he knew that he was up to something. He said he had him shove a rock up his ass for the money. Then he was on stage and wearing a thong and he forgot he had the rock in there and it ripped his ass open. Novak said he had his colon hanging out. Bam said the doctor said this wasn't just from the rock and he must have done other things to his asshole. Novak said he used to shove drugs up there too so that's where the damage came from. Howard said that's you have to be really fucked up to forget there's a rock in your ass. Howard asked if Novak has ever been fucked in the ass. Novak said he hasn't but he has sucked a dick.
Howard asked about the band and if they get a lot of people coming out to see them. Bam said they have a lot of fans in Iceland. He said they do a lot of covers of Clutch songs and Turbo Negro songs. Howard said he's never heard of Turbo Negro. Bam said they have some songs of their own too.
Bam said he uses a stun gun on his bass player's cock in the show. He said he had to start doing it to his ass because he couldn't take it anymore. He said they had to give it a break.
Howard asked if they rehearse at all. Bam said they do. He said they are very serious about the music. He said Dave Grohl heard them and he wants them to do a track at his studio.
Howard said he read a review of the band and the guy said it's the worst attempt at music he's ever heard. Bam laughed.
Howard said Bam is working on new movies. Howard said he thinks that Jackass could come back though. Bam said it could.
Howard said Bam's radio show was canceled last year. Howard said that the rumor is that he showed up drunk all the time. Bam said that could be part of it. He said he has a lot of shows to do around the world. He said when you're on a tour bus you can't get quiet. He said if he doesn't deliver a show for them then it's a problem. Howard asked if management tried to get him to do something. Bam said he wouldn't hear it first hand. He said he wasn't getting the proper information from his people so there was some confusion.
Howard asked if Bam ever fires anyone. Bam said he has. He said that he was a bit lost in the sauce when Ryan Dunn died so he had to do something.
Bam said he had to do something when he was out commission to do any stunts. He said he started painting so he's like Jackson Pollock. Howard said he sees that he has paint all over his jacket. Howard asked what he paints in. Bam said it's in anything.
Howard asked if they ever get any rest. Novak said they went to bed around 1am last night. Howard said that's early. Bam said that he sleeps really well in the bunk on the tour bus. He said he can sleep for 10 hours no problem. Howard said it has to be really tiring.
Howard asked Novak if he blew an intern on the radio show. Novak and Bam were both laughing. Bam asked how many dicks he's fooled around with. Howard said Richard and Sal do a lot of gay stuff there. Bam said if you're going to go off a roof in a wheel barrow then it's funnier to do it naked. Novak said he has two dudes humping in a tattoo on his arm. He showed that to Howard along with some of his other bad tattoo. Howard said they're the worst tattoos ever.
Howard asked why Novak blew the intern. Novak said he got mad at the guy for calling him gay so he wanted to show him he wasn't by blowing him. Howard asked if he would ever blow a guy to completion. Novak said maybe Johnny Depp.
Howard asked Bam what happened to his wife Missy. Bam said they are still great friends. He said that as soon as they got married she wanted him to grow up. Bam said that he has all of this money because he won't grow up. He said that it was the easiest divorce. He said he doesn't want to grow up. He said that her typical day is going to a park and laying out in the sun and reading a book. He said that he wondered where the fun part of her day was. Howard said his fun is with Novak. Novak said that they would have the best marriage ever. He said they never get tired of each other.
Howard asked Bam what he would have liked to have done with Missy. Bam said maybe some skating and going out for drinks with friends. He said maybe lock Novak in a room with a wolverine on angel dust.
Howard asked if Novak has ever jerked off to Bam. Novak said that he has jerked off to them fucking. He's never jumped in on their thing though. He said he would just jerk off in the room. Bam said that now he's creeping on Nikki. Howard said he saw his new wife and she's really hot. Bam said he met her and he knew she was the one. Howard asked if it cost him a lot of money to get a divorce. Bam said not really. He said she deserved it though. Bam said that he'd be glad to help Missy out in any way he can.
Howard asked if he met his wife while he was with Missy. Bam said he did. The guys brought in Nikki who said she's not going to make Bam do anything he doesn't want to do. She met him on a CKY show. Howard asked it was love at first sight. Bam said they French kissed that day. Howard asked if she worries that he's going to die. She said of course she does. She said that he's an extremist though.
Howard asked how the sex is. Nikki said there was one day that they fucked for 8 hours. Howard said he couldn't last that long with her. He said she's so hot.
Howard asked if Novak has seen Bam and Nikki fuck. Novak said he watches all the time. Howard asked if he ever tries to get a finger in there or anything. Nikki said that he has grabbed her ass. She said she would prefer to be alone with Bam. Robin said she can't get rid of Novak.
Bam said he has Novak stay in the room with them when they're on tour. Novak said he stays in their bed all the time. He said he did that last night. Howard asked Nikki if she thinks that Novak is gay. Nikki said that he's just really comfortable with his sexuality.
Howard asked Nikki if she ever brings other girls into bed with Bam. She said now way. She said she had her first sexual experience with a girl though. Bam said when you have another girl in bed there's a lot of math you have to do to figure out who to pump and for how long.
Howard said he remembered talking to Nikki on the phone. He said he was supposed to paint her naked. Howard said he'd end up getting fucked by Novak if he did that. Howard said that he had better stay way from all three of them.
Howard asked if Nikki's parents like Bam. Nikki said her mom loves him. Howard asked if they're going to have kids. Bam said he thinks that it's about time. Howard said that Novak would get jealous if he did that. Novak said that Bam will always have time for him.
Bam said he wants to have a daughter so he can do things other than Jackass stunts. He said if he had a son he'd end up doing that. Howard said if Uncle Novak comes by you'd have to worry about a daughter. Novak said once Bam has a kid he's going to have a kid.
Howard said in August of 2013 Bam was arrested in Scotland. Howard asked what happened. Bam said he went to see an Eminem concert and another band was performing. He was there to perform with that other band. Bam said he came in dressed in his costume and the hotel wanted to kick him out. He said that he was there for the band Yellow Wolf. He said he ended up yelling at the guy and the cops were called. He said he was arrested for having a concealed weapon because he had scissors in his ''fag bag'' on his waist. He said he got out of that one but he went to jail there. Howard asked how the prisons were there. Bam said it was the longest 24 hours of his life. He said it was like hell. He said there were like 200 prisoners there and they all knew it was Bam from Jackass. He said they were all asking why he was in his own cell. Bam said the rings he has on won't come off so he had to keep them on. He said that he was using the rings to write on the walls and the guard asked if he was whittling in there. He said no but it said ''Bam Margera was here'' so he couldn't get out of it.
Bam said he had a guy hit him once and he taped it all for his movie. He said he and Novak beat the fuck out of him. Bam said the guy went to his trunk and they took off. Bam said he saw the guy pacing around looking for him and he thinks he had a tire iron or something. Howard said he's not sure how Nikki puts up with this. He said she looks annoyed. Nikki said it can get to be too much. Howard said she's a normal person. She said there is no such thing as normal. She said she has a good head on her shoulders though.
Howard asked if Nikki is okay with Bam's ex-wife. Nikki said no. Bam said that Missy is family and she always will be.
Howard asked Bam if he was kicked off a plane recently. Bam said it wasn't recently. He said he was on a Virgin America flight and they have a bar on the plane so he drank. He said he ended up blacking out in the bathroom. He said they had to jimmy the door to get him out.
Howard said he read that he hired a social media manager. Bam said he has a lot of things going on right now so he had to hire someone. Howard said he should have let Novak handle all of that. Novak said he just rides his coattail.
Bam gave Howard a shot of his energy drink. Howard said he has no problem drinking something that he approves of.
Howard asked Bam what this game show is about. bam said they put 4 contestants in a Jackass like situation and the person who makes it to the last round wins 10 grand. Bam said they have a guy from Fear Factor working on the show. He said it's kind of like Fear Factor and Jackass mixed up. He said they put one woman in a chair and they connected the chair to a 4 wheeler and he just took off making it spin around. He said it's just crazy stuff like that. Bam told Howard how he knocked out Novak's tooth on the first day of shooting. Novak said he was really upset about that. He said that TBS paid the bill on that one. Bam said they don't show the tooth all bloody but they do show the stunt.
Howard asked if Bam feels bad about that. Bam said that he stole his car and he can't turn him in for that because he'd have to go back to jail for that. He said he's got to do something.
Howard asked Nikki what she does to fill her day. She's a full time wife. Howard said this is all unbelievable. He said he'd be dead if he hung out with them for 30 minutes. Howard said he gets upset if he gets a hang nail. Howard said he thinks that hurts. Bam said he's glad that he just got his surgeries done. He said he's not in pain anymore and he can skate again. Howard said that they're living the lives of the Three Stooges. Bam said they really are. He said that they get their ideas from Tom and Jerry though. He said that's how Johnny got that idea for the bull. He said that's where that whole thing came from.
Howard said Bam should be careful with all of this stuff. Howard asked if he worries about being paralyzed. Bam said that you can get hurt in this loop thing he's going to be doing. He said he should be alright though. Nikki said that he'll have to wear some pads. Bam said he has a company that makes pads that you can barely see so that's what he'll be wearing.
Bam said he's getting a loop built for practice. He said he's been doing a detox thing and he's trying to get in shape for that. He said that Novak not drinking has motivated him. Novak said he's been skating since he got clean. Novak said his fiancee has no idea what to do. He said that he's doing so much more now that he's not sleeping all day. Howard asked if he blows any guys at the support groups. Bam laughed at that. Howard said it's wild what's going on there. Howard said Nikki might be the wildest of them all. Howard said she actually puts up with this stuff.
Howard said he could go on all day with this. Robin asked if Nikki wants to have a kid with Bam. Howard answered for her and said no. Bam said that they got a cut puppy and it ruined everything. Novak said they got rid of it. Bam said the dog was ruining his mojo. He said they hadn't fucked in days. Howard asked if Nikki was sad to see it go. Bam said they travel like 6 months of the year and they couldn't have it around. Howard said that people don't realize that and that's why the shelters are full. Howard asked if he gave it to a shelter or shoved it up Novak's ass. Bam said he gave the dog to a friend. Novak said he follows Howard's wife on Twitter. He said he likes what she's about with the animals. He said she's a nice piece of ass too.
Howard said they could talk all day but all good things must come to an end. Howard said Bam's new game show is on tonight at 10:30 on TBS.
Howard said Bam's rings are like brass knuckles. Bam said he actually had brass knuckles in his luggage once and the TSA had to stop him. He said that they told him they had to call the cops because they were illegal in California.
Howard asked Bam how he fingers his girl with those rings. Bam said he has two free fingers. Novak said that Nikki has her ass pierced and her vagina. Howard asked if that's true. Nikki said that she has 3 piercings in her hood. She has her taint pierced and another one so she's got a total of 5. Howard asked what the hood is. She said that's where the little bean is. Howard asked if that hurts like a mother fucker. Nikki said it does. Howard asked where the others are. She said one is in a lip and one in her taint. Howard asked if it looks like a dingleberry. Novak said it just looks like there's a lot of shit going on. Bam said it looks like her pussy has braces. Nikki said it does not. Robin said that was the best line of the day. Nikki said she thinks that her pussy looks pretty. Bam said he thinks it's hot as fuck. He said he's good with braces. Howard said it's like she has a tackle box down there. Novak liked that line.
Nikki said she goes through security and they never even ask about the metal down there. Robin said it's not enough to be a bomb. Howard said they think she's smuggling in an illegal tackle box. Howard said if he was at the airport he'd pat her down. Howard asked if she ever takes the piercings out. Nikki said after she got her taint pierced she lost the ball and it took hours to get it back in. Bam said he had to get this tiny ball screwed on and he had to put it back in there. He said he had to get his buddy to help. Bam said he was so frustrated that he had to get his buddy to help. Novak said it was like 6am. He said this was an emergency situation so he had to do that. Nikki said she told him to just figure it out but he called his friend in. Bam said he actually got it. He said the guy wondered what the fuck was going on. Bam said he spent like 20 minutes with it and he wasn't able to get it on.
Howard said it would have been great if she had farted or shit on him. Howard asked if Bam has ever seen her shit. Nikki said no way.
Howard asked if Novak has ever fucked a fat chick. Novak said no way. Bam said he got raped once. He told Howard about this fan chick who came by and asked Novak if Bam was in the hotel room. He said Novak told him that he was and told her to go at it. Bam said it was some fat chick that he sent in there. Bam said that he threw the girl off and told her to get the fuck out.
Howard asked Nikki if she ever gets shit on that piercing on her taint. She said she wipes front to back and she never has that problem. She said that it's not that close to that area.
Bam was laughing through the whole discussion about Nikki's piercings. Howard said that they should get a giant magnet and see what happens. Howard said he has nothing on his taint. He said he just has hairs down there. Novak said he used to let a homeless guy shave his ass hair. He said he would pay him like 10 bucks to do that. Bam said he has the worst asshole ever. He said that it looks weird. He said it looks like a tiny, munchkin donut. Howard said he must push too hard when he shits. Novak said he used to not shit for weeks when he was on heroin. Howard told him to only shit when it's almost out of his asshole. Howard told him to get himself a Squatty Potty. He said that he has one. Howard said you can find that on the internet. Howard told him to use baby wipes. Novak said he spits on the toilet paper. Howard said he has to get wipes or get a Toto toilet that sprays your ass for you. Howard said he air blows his asshole.
Novak farted and Howard said he can see he pushes when he does that. He said that's why his asshole looks like an apricot. Howard told him to keep the rocks out of there too. Howard said this whole day is fucking crazy and weird.
Novak got in a plug for his web site where you can buy his art work, BrandonNovak.bigcartel.com. That led to Howard talking about how he's been paining and doing art lately. He said he painted Namibia the other day.
Howard said they're having a lot of fun but he has to say goodbye. Howard said he wants to see Novak's tooth get knocked out. Bam said it's a lot of fun. Howard said his game show premieres tonight on TBS. Howard said he guarantees that it'll be a hit.
Bam said he has a book coming out soon and a new movie too. Novak got in another plug for his art. Bam said it's the worst shit ever. He said it's so bad. Nikki said he's selling it though. He said he is actually making money on it.
Howard asked Novak what he painted last. Novak said he prints pictures out and adds things to them. Howard said they'll have to swap some needles.
JD came in with some magnet balls. Bam and Novak told Nikki to drop her pants. Howard asked Robin if this is going to work. Robin said she isn't sure. Bam pulled down Nikki's pants and Howard said she has a great body. they put the magnetic balls on her and they weren't really holding. Howard said Nikki has some Tuchas on her. He asked what she does to keep that up. She told Howard she walks a lot. Bam said they go kayaking and then go play tennis and stuff. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he didn't ask to see the piercings. Howard said they did. He said they saw them. Howard said that's what was going on in there.
Howard said he was showing his art to Novak. He said he was saying he could represent him. Howard said he thinks he can do it on his own. Robin asked if Novak showed him his artwork as well. Howard said he did not. Howard said he doesn't think he'd painting anything in particular. Howard said he told them that he has no idea what he's doing and they don't either.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's heard anything about Eric the Actor's health. Howard said he doesn't have an update. Howard asked Gary if he has an update. The caller asked if he did have the operation. Gary said he had a doctor's appointment to see if he needs the operation. Shuli came in and said that Eric left him a message saying this is an examination that could lead to the operation.
Howard said as long as he has Shuli in there he wants to play this Medicated Pete clip. Howard said Shuli noticed that Pete can not hang up the phone. The caller said that they have a betting pool going on at Stern Universe about whether or not Eric will get through this operation. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard played the clip of Shuli talking to Medicated Pete and trying to get off the phone with him. Pete just stays on the line with him. He won't hang up. Shuli keeps saying ''later'' and Pete just stays on the line. This went on for a couple of minutes until Pete finally hung up. Shuli said it has to be an OCD thing for Pete. He said he couldn't leave.
Shuli said that Richard told him he had the same problem when he was younger. He said his uncle had to yell at him to hang up the phone.
Howard's phone went off with a text message. Howard asked where it is. He said that he heard it. Howard found the phone and wondered who was texting him at that time. Howard said he usually turns it off. It was from Beth. Howard said they have this new foster cat and he may not be able to let it go. Howard said this cat is named Yoda and he's adorable.
Howard said he had something to play and he can't remember what it was. He took a call from Nicole Bass who said she's going to get her pussy pierced so she can show it to Robin. Howard said she has a lot of pussy to pierce. Nicole asked if Robin wanted to see it. Robin said if she gets it pierced she'll take a look.
Shuli said Nicole called him this weekend saying that the interns don't know who she is so she's upset about that. Howard said that it's not like they can know all of the interns can know every caller who has called in over the years. Howard asked Shuli if he heard the prank call the guys made to that woman who sounds like Nicole. Shuli said he did. Howard played the call again.
Shuli said he was at a thing they were doing with the Wack Packers and Nicole Bass and Joey Boots were going at each other. He said that he told them ''Fellas, lets take it down a notch'' and Nicole got mad at him for calling her a fella. Howard had Fred doing his Nicole Bass impression which is also his Herman Munster impression.
Howard had a song that Sal and Richard had George Lopez sing about him. They had George singing La Bamba but it was about Howard.
Howard said there was a fake story in the paper about how they were going to replace Ben Affleck with Idris Elba in Batman. Howard said they created what that might sound like. They took some old Batman TV show clips and put Tracy Morgan clips in it.
Howard said Tracy is coming in tomorrow to say hi to them. Shuli said he has a new special coming out and it's going to be great. He said he's never bad.
Howard said he has a new Richard's dad clip to play. Howard played the clip and Richard's dad was talking about how they had chickens being killed out in the barn. He said he took a game camera and put it up. He said he saw the culprit was a 3 legged coon dog. He said he's eating the eggs that the chickens are laying. Robin asked what's so funny about that. Howard said that is real farm living. Robin wondered why Richard's dad was laughing. Howard said he didn't know that his own dog was eating the eggs.
Shuli was at the Christy farm and he got to experience a lot of different things there. He said he had a bird to eat there and he had to spit buckshot out of his mouth. He said every animal they've ever owned is buried out back too.
Howard said they either eat the animal or bury it out there. Howard said that's reality out there. Howard said that you have to go out and kill a raccoon and eat it. Howard said that guy is one guy who will survive if there is ever World War III. Howard said that guy will know how to survive. Howard said he'll be like Donald Trump.
Howard asked Shuli if he's the one who knows Trag the Photo Roaster. Shuli said he is. Howard said he has a new roast of Ronnie. He played that clip and Trag was commenting on Ronnie about what a goofy looking guy he is. Howard said he reminds him of the guys he grew up with in Roosevelt.
Howard had a clip of Trag roasting Jon Hein too. Howard got some laughs out of that. Trag was calling him a refrigerator built bitch and things like that. Howard said Jon Hein brought in a pizza made out of Oreos. Howard asked if Jon eats all of that shit. Shuli said he has to.
Jason came in and said that it's so good. He said it's a real pizza crust with broken Oreos on it. Howard said Jon is a diabetic. Jason said Jon's wife made it and she must be trying to kill him. Jason said he had one slice and it was really good. He said he also has this other thing that's full of M&M's and Oreos. Howard said he can't believe he's eating that stuff.
Jon Hein came in and said that he doesn't eat that stuff. He said he'll taste a little bit of it. He said Jason will eat like 5 of them but he doesn't eat them himself. Howard said Jason is alarmingly fat. Jason said he joined a gym recently. He said he's only gone once so far.
Howard said he heard that his agent said something to him too. Jason said he did. He said that threw him off his game a bit. Howard said he was depressed after that. Jason said he was.
Jason said that Jon Hein doesn't eat well so don't let him fool you with that whole ''I don't eat that'' thing.
Howard played a clip of that guy Trag roasting Gary. Trag was goofing on Gary's teeth saying he has ''double barrel teeth'' and things like that. Howard said he does have ashy teeth like he said. Howard said his teeth are grayish. Shuli said he comes up with stuff like that all the time.
Howard asked Robin if she enjoys that kind of humor. Robin said he sometimes hits the mark. Shuli told her to be careful or he'll roast her next.
Howard said someone won the right to come in and sit in on the show. Howard asked who that was. Howard asked Gary if he can answer that. Gary said this was from the Heisman charity. Howard said Dan Heisman is the one who taught him how to play chess. Howard said if he can't do something well then he doesn't want to do it. He said he had to take lessons. Howard said Dan's wife was dying of cancer and set up a charity. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he loves that song. He said he has to learn that one. He did another live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted to do some news. Robin said she was ready. Fred had a song parody for Robin too. Howard welcomed Lisa and Kumal to the studio too. He said they gave to a charity to win the chance to sit in. Howard spent a minute talking to the two of them. Howard asked what Lisa does for a living. She said she works for an investment management firm. Howard said Kumal's microphone wasn't working. Howard said Lisa's works fine but Kumal's is shit. Howard said he doesn't even care. He said he doesn't want Scott in there fixing it. Steve Brandano came in to fix it since Howard said he didn't want Scott in there. Howard said he didn't want anyone in there.
Howard asked Scott if they even check that stuff. Scott said they do. Howard said Scott wouldn't last a day at the investment firm. Howard said it's okay, they'll just fix shit during the show. Lisa said that Howard is too nice. Howard said he knows.
Howard asked Lisa what she does at the investment firm. She said she is actually looking to do something else with her life. Howard asked what stock is good to buy now. Lisa said she doesn't even look at that stuff anymore. She said she has her money with the guys she used to work for. She said she lets them handle her money.
Howard asked if Lisa ever lived like the Wolf of Wall Street. Lisa said she did not. She said she did have a boss who tried to hook her up with a client. Howard said she looks great so he gets that. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's 46. She said that she did all of this up in the Boston area. Howard asked them to enjoy the show. Howard said it's fascinating to watch him work.
Robin started her news with a story about how it's reconciliation day today. Robin said that's from 3 to 9pm there in the city.
Robin said the pope said that Satan is alive and kicking. Howard said he thinks he works there. Robin said the Pope told people to keep an eye out for the devil. Howard asked if he exists then why doesn't he just win. Robin said the Pope says that he's plagued to gossip by Satan. Howard said that's terrible. He said it would be cool if he did a celebrity boxing match against the devil. Howard said that would be good.
Robin said that Belle Knox is due to dance there at a club in the city. Robin said the club has had a lot of applications from girls who want to do the same thing. Robin said the club owners have said that the girls who have applied have not all been good looking though. Howard said that you do have to be good looking to do that stuff.
Howard said someone wrote in asking him if he thinks Colbert will win the late night ratings. Howard said he has no idea. He said he isn't sure that he's in the Illuminati.
Howard said there was a story about lab grown vaginas. Howard said he read that doctors took women's cells and grew vaginas for them. Howard said this was for women with a rare problem where they don't have a vagina or something. Howard said that he imagines a woman wearing one on an arm or a leg and he could just fuck them there.
Robin read a story about a study that was done with teachers in the schools and how many they found have been having relationships with their students. Howard said some of these teachers are hot too. Howard said that wasn't going on when he was in school. Howard said it's not like he would have gotten any though. He said none of the teachers would have liked him. He said they'd ignore him like the girls in class. Robin read some stories about a few teachers that were caught having relationships with their students.
Howard played a new sound effect from a porno that Richard found. Howard played that clip and it was very odd sounding. Richard said something about the woman being deaf or something.
Howard said someone suggested that they get Robert De Niro to find the missing Malaysian plane. Howard said they said that De Niro has a great track record for finding ''black box.''
Howard read some email about Danny Trejo's interview. Howard read a couple of those and said that people enjoyed that interview. Howard said he got tons of email about him. He had a Danny Trejo audio clip that he played too.
Robin read a story about a football player, Alden Smith, being arrested at an airport when he claimed he had a bomb on him when he was selected to be screed by the TSA. Robin said they went to get him and he became belligerent so they arrested him. Robin said he was taken away in handcuffs.
Robin asked Howard if he saw Mars last week. Howard said he didn't. He said he never looks up in the sky. Robin said they say tomorrow morning there will be a total lunar eclipse. Robin said this is what they call a blood moon. Robin said the best time to see it is between 2am and 4am tomorrow. Howard said he has no desire to see that. He wondered if there's something wrong with him. Robin said that it should be visible in most parts of the United States.
Howard said they released the sales figures in Colorado for marijuana sales. Howard said they were about 13 percent lower than state estimates. Howard said that not everyone is smoking the stuff. He said the whole thing is a big waste of time locking everyone up. He said that they should make drugs legal. He said people who want to do it are going to do it either way. Robin read about a vending machine for marijuana treats that just came out in Colorado. Howard said no one cares and it's not that big of a deal to let people smoke that stuff.
Robin read a story about it being alcohol awareness month this month. Robin wondered if Richard is going to stop drinking for 3 days like they're asking people to do for this month. Howard said no way that Richard would do that.
Howard said there's a Spanish Village named Killjews in Spain. He said they're debating on whether or not to change the name. Howard said the Redskins should change their name and that has nothing to do with the Jews. Howard said he'd like to know who is debating that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Viacom and CBS are still related and the Colbert thing isn't a surprise. The caller also wondered why Howard didn't bring up how they were both screwed by Viacom when they left. Howard said he actually talked to Dan about that off the air years ago when he called to offer his support. The caller said that Howard he'd have a whole show based on just that subject.
The caller said it's nice that Scott DePace isn't there anymore. Howard said he misses him. He said that he spoke to Doug Goodstein and he has some of the guys working on a new TV show with Puff Daddy or something like that. He said they're doing okay. The caller wanted to give Howard reasons not to live in Florida but Howard had to go. The guy started mentioning things that were wrong with Florida but Howard hung up on him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how depression can affect new parents. Robin said you never hear about the bad news about having kids. Howard said Richard was talking about how Will was jealous of him drinking on Saturday. Robin said that's what Richard figured out in his drunken haze.
Robin read about a shooting in Kansas at a community center. Robin read about how two were killed at that center and another at a place called Village Shalom. Robin said that they say it's too early to say it's a hate crime. Howard said he's willing to go on record saying that it is. Howard had some audio of that guy Glen Miller who was on the show a few years ago. Howard had some audio of him quoting scripture and going off on the Jews for calling themselves the ''chosen people.'' Howard said they interviewed that guy for like a half hour or an hour. Howard said that they all have that accent too.
Robin read about the Oscar Pistorius trial and how he's still testifying. Howard said his wife is obsessed with that story. He said she listens to it on the computer every morning. Howard said she can't see him but she can listen to the trial. Howard said the guy is always crying. He said that Oscar calls the judge ''me lady'' and he thinks that if he does it enough then he'll get off. Howard said this whole story is the lamest thing ever. He asked how long this is going to go on. Robin said she isn't sure it can go on much longer. Howard said he had better suck up to that judge. Howard said he says ''me lady'' so much. Howard had some audio of Pistorius crying while telling his story.
Robin read a story about a Utah woman who was arrested when the bodies of 7 infants were found in her house. Robin said some cleaners found one baby in a box and then called the police. Robin said the woman has been arrested on suspicion of murder. Robin said that the woman may have given birth from 1996 on and may have killed them all. Robin had some audio of a neighbor talking about what he thought of that. The guy was shocked by the story.
Robin read about the Passover holiday and had some audio of some people singing a prayer that goes along with the holiday. Robin had another prayer and Howard said he can't handle that. He said if you're ever invited to a Passover dinner, run for the hills. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard asked if Lisa and Kumal were having a good time. Lisa said she was. Howard said they're some charity donators and they're sitting in and having a good time. Howard said he was going to ask a question but he forgets what he was going to ask.
Howard said he mentioned the other day he hates being in the Snapple room on AGT. He said he wants to make it clear that it's not about Snapple. He said he loves what Howie does in there. He said he loves working with Howie too. He said he loves Snapple and he and Robin helped put that brand on the map. Howard said the guys who started that company were from Brooklyn. He said he's thrilled to be associated with them again. Howard said he just ran out of steam. He said he's exhausted. Robin said Bam must have worn him out. Howard said he did.
Howard said he was going to play some tape from the U-Conn fans going berserk. Howard said they were rioting and stuff up there. Howard played some audio and the people up there sounded like they were out of their minds. Howard said he can't understand why anyone would be that excited over a sports team. Howard said people don't get that excited over their own kid being born. Howard said it's like he's missing something and he's from another planet. He said he can't even understand what they're saying in this clip. They're just screaming. He said he wants to die from that. He said it's exhausting. Howard said he must be the weird one. He said he doesn't know who gets that much joy out of that. He said he has never done anything like that. Howard wondered how anyone can be that happy. He said he's not even sure if they're happy.
Robin read a story about it being holy week. Robin said this is what the Christians call it. Robin had some audio of some service that the Pope was involved with. Howard said that's a little more calm than the U-Conn people.
Robin read a story about a guy who had to serve a sentence by sitting on a corner holding a sign saying ''I am a bully'' because of what he did to his neighbor. Robin had some audio of the neighbor talking about what this bully did to him. Howard wondered how they recorded that audio. It was really poor quality. Howard said it sounds like an early audio recording. Robin said the judge said this guy had gone too far. She had some audio of that judge talking about her sentence. That audio quality was awful as well. Howard goofed on that for a minute.
Robin read about the MTV Movie Awards and what happened there over the weekend. Robin had some of the names of the people who won awards. Robin said Conan O'Brien was the emcee of the show. Robin had some clips from the show. She had one of Conan O'Brien singing a song. She had some audio of Mark Wahlberg making an acceptance speech. Robin said they did a tribute for Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Walker.
Robin read about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard mentioned that Gary was there and told them some stories earlier. Howard asked who Gary would save if he was in a boat with Jon Hein and Hall and Oates. Gary said probably Jon Hein. Robin had a clip of Joan Jett performing ''Smells Like Teen Spirit'' with Nirvana at the show. They played some of that and Howard said that sounds pretty good.
Robin said that the Flaming Lips are involved in the remake of the Beatles Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. Robin said that they have Miley Cyrus performing ''Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.'' Howard had a short clip of that.
Howard said he has a clip of Gary at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard played the bit that the guys had put together with the sounds of Gary as a monkey. Howard said that was a long way to go for that.
Robin read about how Lindsay Lohan will be on 2 Broke Girls tonight. Robin had a clip from the show. Howard cut it off asking who cares.
Robin read a story about Aerosmith giving to a special that they're doing to support the Boston Bombing victims. Robin had a clip of a new version of Dream On that the guys did. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Gary said Scott will deny it but that was his passive aggressive behavior coming out. He said he was just mad at the morning. Gary said the microphone wasn't working so no one else can fix it. He said Scott is listening to what's going on and he'd like to know what he thinks was going to happen. Jon said maybe he didn't hear it right away. Gary said he did though. He said he told Steve to go in. Steve said Scott didn't tell him to go in. He went in on his own. Steve said Scott just sat there.
Richard was still laughing. Richard said that Scott had to bump it and go to the most jarring music on there. He said it was funny. Gary said he heard the music coming from the Sonos and he thought someone had changed the channel on there. He said then he thought it was bleeding into the studio. Richard said they thought something was wrong with their board or something.
Richard wondered what channel that was on. Gary said that he's not sure but he'll assume it was a dance music channel.
Jon said that Howard is still dabbling in the guitar thing. He said he picked it up and played it during the show.
Jon brought up how Medicated Pete is unable to hang up the phone. Richard said he had that same problem when he was a kid. He said his uncle ended up arguing with him about it once and he told him he had to get out of that rut he was in. Richard said he would never hang up the phone before someone else would. Gary said Pete is like that in person too. He said that he just won't leave.
Jon said that Gary told Howard the story about going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and how giddy he was telling the story about being there. Gary said that he had a great time there. He said that as soon as he sat down they did the E Street Band thing and that ended up being really cool.
Gary and Jon spent a minute talking about some of the acts that Gary saw there. He talked about how good Cat Stevens was and how funny he turned out to be at the show.
Gary said he was kind of bummed out that it was so polished. He said he misses the days when people would get drunk and make speeches. Gary talked about the KISS induction and how that went.
Jon said that everyone from the E Street Band got to make a speech. He said that must have gone on for hours. Gary said that it did go on for a while. He said the show ran very long too. He said they were supposed to be out by 11:15 and he left around ten to 12 and they were still going.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up KISS and how the songs they play now are by the original band and not by the bogus line ups. The caller said that's what people care about. Gary said the original four got up and made their speech but they didn't perform. Gary said he was waiting for them to perform ''Lick it Up'' or something like that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he was at the show and he saw Gary walking around schmoozing with everyone. He said he didn't see him at the E Street Band table.
Jon asked how thrilled Gary was about Questlove mentioning him. Gary said he ran into him while he was getting a drink. He said he missed that whole thing but Questlove told him he mentioned him. Gary said he's a really funny guy. He said he did a great job inducting Hall and Oates. They spent a minute talking about Gary's talk with Jackson Browne before they went to break.
Gary said he didn't think he was really into the band but Richard has an autographed bible he got from them when he was one of the first 100 people to buy their album. Richard said he has bible they threw out at a show once too. Richard said he used to play along with their album when he was a kid and had a 3 piece drum set. He said he has been playing drums for 30 years to their songs.
Richard said if he could go back in time and tell the younger him that he'd be playing with that band some day he'd be blown away. Richard said his mom went with him to a Stryper and white Lion concert when he was like 12. He said that his parents took him and his sister out of school that day to go to the concert. He said that they knew how much the band meant to him. Richard said he couldn't wait to tell his parents that he got to play with them. He said that they knew how much the band meant to him.
Richard said a lot of bands he listened to growing up were crazy bands like Iron Maiden. He said his parents liked that he liked Stryper because they were a religious band. Richard said he's not religious but his parents liked that he was into that music. Richard said that he liked Stryper and King Diamond too. He said King Diamond was a satanic band. Jon said that's cool that Richard's parents took him to that show and took him out of school.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she has a Stryper story. She said she met the band in an airport and she started singing to them. She said they were really nice to her. Richard said they really are nice guys. Richard said that they were really cool to him at the concert.
Jon said that Will was talking about how he ran into Richard on Saturday afternoon and he had already had 8 beers. Jon asked what he has to drink to get to that state that he was in. Richard said that it depends on what he's drinking. He said they can range from 3 percent alcohol to 27 percent. Gary said that's crazy. He said 5 percent is his max. Richard said he likes them all. Richard said in the spring and summer he likes the hoppy beers. He said those IPAs are like that.
Richard talked about his favorite drinks and how he runs in the morning on the weekends before he starts to drink. He said he gets that out of the way so he can start drinking. Gary said he runs to get rid of a hangover. Richard does the opposite.
Jon said Howard seems concerned about Richard's drinking but he gave him a compliment. He said that people forget how good of a drummer he is. He said he's one of the best in the business. Jon asked if people forget that. Gary said he didn't know in the first place. He said once he got there he learned that he's really good. He said that he has watched him play. He said that you forget that the guy who has beer in his asshole is the same guy who can play like that.
Jon asked what he likes better, the beer in his ass kind of stuff or playing with Stryper. Richard said he loves it all. He said he gets mail from people who have no idea what he does on the Stern Show because they know him from music. He said they don't understand why he does these weird things.
Gary asked Richard if he would be more likely to go look for a music job or a comedy writing job. Richard said he thinks he's not up for the touring so he'd lean toward the comedy. Gary asked if he would play with a band that he has zero respect for but they're huge. He said someone like the Debbie Gibson tour in her heyday. Richard said sure. He said that you do what you do to pay the bills. He said he loves playing the drums no matter what kind of music it is. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that Stryper was one of the bands that was like Ratt and Winger. He said they tried to distinguish themselves by being really Christian. Meanwhile Richard was wasted while he was playing with them. The guys weren't sure that being sober was part of being Christian. Jon Leiberman said that he's not sure they don't drink. Ralph said he still thinks it's funny.
Richard said that there's nothing wrong with Ratt and those bands but he thinks that Stryper had a melody and they separated themselves with their message. Ralph said they were like Winger. Richard said no way. He said their biggest song was ''Honestly'' and that was out in 1987 or so.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he heard Gary's son as the guest DJ at the Knick game last night. Gary said he's hitting his stride. He said he may have a big thing going on this summer too.
The caller asked why Howard didn't ask Dan Rather and Rob Lowe about the big scandals that they've gone though. Gary said he's not sure what he's referring to. The caller said mentioned the Dan Rather thing that he went through with CBS. Gary said that Howard talked about that this morning and how they spoke off the air years ago.
Jon said that Jon Leiberman is there with his Howard 100 News preview. Leiberman ran down a few stories that they have and one was about Ass Napkin Ed and how he stays in touch with Jodi Arias who is in jail. He said they're pen pals. Jon said they have some other things they'll be covering today as well.
Gary said that he has become his son's roadie lately. He told the guys about how he played a club once for an under 18 show. He said Lucas DJ's in front of 3,000 kids. He said after that he was working in the basement and he had a girl flirting with him there. Gary said that he had to pretend that he was his manager so he wouldn't bust him. He said that he saw them trading phone numbers after that. Richard asked if he taught him not to leave the money on top of his car. Gary said Scott could write a book about stuff like that. The guys all got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started the show by taking a phone call and saying ''Hey now!'' about 20 times. The caller told Howard to try the song ''daisy'' by Stone Temple Pilots. Howard said he's having a hard enough time with the Cat Stevens song. Howard said he's not even sure what that song is. Fred said it's an instrumental so that's why Howard has never heard of it. Fred wasn't able to find it in the system.
Howard said people are hung up on his guitar work but he's just a beginner. He said he doesn't know what he's doing. Fred found ''Daisy'' and played it. Howard didn't sound interested in learning that one.
Howard picked up the guitar and said he doesn't have time to practice. He said he has like 12 jobs. He said he's like a Jamaican. He said he doesn't know when he's going to have time to play. He said he has ADD. He said he has an office he plays in and it's like a play room for him.
Howard said this guitar he has is really nice. He said it doesn't hurt his fingers like the one he has at home does. He said he has the Donovan guitar at home and another one someone gave him. He said he thought the Donovan guitar was so nice that he had to learn to play it. Howard said that he has a hard time with the slide part of the Cat Stevens song.
Howard said Fred must be able to play because he has the calluses on his fingers. Fred said if he doesn't play for a while they go away and it's really painful to get back into it. He said he should play for at least 10 minutes a day and he'd be good. Howard asked when he's going to fit that in. Howard started playing the Cat Stevens song he was playing yesterday ''Father & Son.'' Howard said he's going to burn his fingers up playing this song. Howard went through quite a bit of the song. Howard asked if they're was another verse in the song. Robin said she wasn't a Cat Stevens fan so she doesn't know. She said she knew to change the channel. Howard kept going with the song.
Howard said there are two guitar players on that song. He said Cat Stevens does one part and another guy does this other part. Howard said that was it for the day. He said that was their concert. Robin said he should play like that every day. Howard said his fingers really hurt. He said he can't play every day. He said he can't keep doing that song over and over either. He said he has to do that to get he song though. Fred said that's what Nirvana had to do with ''Smells Like Teen Spirit.'' Fred said Kurt Cobain kept the guys doing that over and over until it made them nuts.
Howard said he's going to L.A. this week. He said he has to work all week on AGT. He said he's leaving late this week. He said he's off radio next week but he'll be working all week on AGT. He said the week is an intense work week. He said he gets to see Jimmy and Molly so that will be great. He said he's having lunch with someone out there that he's really looking forward to meeting. He said he isn't sure he wants to say who that is yet. He said he'll talk about it when he comes back though.
Howard said they're shooting a commercial next week for AGT. He said it'll be exciting but he hates traveling and leaving his house. Howard said he wishes he could travel without leaving his house.
Robin said a friend of her's worked at The Plaza and this king came there and they changed the place to make it look like where he lived. Howard said it's great that some people have that much money. Robin said they had a separate plane that was like his house. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said that's fucking crazy. He said it's like endless money.
Howard said he'd dig something like having women bathing him. He said if he was a king he'd enjoy that. Howard was talking about the movie ''Coming to America'' with Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall and some of the scenes in that movie. Howard said that he saw James Earl Jones on Broadway and he won a Tony. Howard said the role he had in ''Coming to America'' was the best role he ever had. He said that King Jaffe Joffer was the best.
Howard said in Game of Thrones they have a guy who had his cock cut off last season. He said there are so many characters in that show. He said the one kid he doesn't get is the one who is on the sled all the time. He said this kid has been in the woods for two seasons. He said he looks like he's 16 now. Howard wondered who he's looking for. Robin said he's a Stark and he has special powers that he's trying to figure out how to use.
Gary said they're on a quest to go somewhere and he doesn't know where. Robin said they had to run out of the village because it was taken over. Robin said they are going to some wall or something. She said that he's only on for like 10 seconds. Howard said it's the same thing every time with him. Howard said the kid is so big now they can't even carry him.
Howard said he can only play a couple of songs. He said he has no idea what he's doing. Howard said Gary wrote him a note about how he has no idea what a guitar rig is but the guys who do it for Metallica want to make one for him. Howard said they have a list of the people they do it for and they're apparently big deals. Fred said he thinks they are.
Howard said they're doing a lot of animal rescue and there are so many stories. Howard said Beth went over to North Shore and sees a cat in a cage. The cat is kind of matted and they had to cut off his fur. Howard said Beth has been posting pictures of the cat. He said he named it Yoda because he looks like Yoda. Howard said they were going to get him back into shape and get him adopted. Howard said the cat comes into the house and he sits on people's laps and purrs. He said that they say that he has a heart condition. Howard said he loves the cat already. He said it gets depressing to give them away. Howard said they told Beth that the cat won't live more than a year. Howard said he has a heart condition and it's not going to last. Howard said he's going to die and they said less stress is better.
Howard said now the cat is their cat. He said they can't give him to anyone. Howard said if you're a good person you should take a hard luck case and take the pet in. Howard said this cat could pass away at any time. Howard said the cat is only a year old. He said he's so great. Howard said now he's coming upstairs and slept in bed with Beth last night. Howard said now it's the death watch but he feels good they are doing it.
Howard said maybe it'll inspire someone to go and do something like that. Howard said it's a nice thing to do for a cat that's not doing well.
Robin said her cat Brangelina isn't doing so well. She said she knows what that's like. Howard said this poor cat had an owner but the guy gave it up and then it sat in a cage. Howard said you don't take something in and then give it up. He said you tough it out. Howard said maybe the guy was depressed by it. Howard said sometimes you have to be bothered.
Robin said someone told her a story about a couple that brought a cat into the vet and they said they'd do anything for it. When they found out it was diabetic they had it put down.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he finally saw ''Private Parts'' and he couldn't believe all the stars he had in it. He said he had Edie Falco in it. He said that people like Edie and Allison Janney were New York theater actors. Howard said that they did that movie before they were in TV shows and movies. Howard said Paul Giamatti hadn't been in any major movies before that. Howard said he was really nailing the part. He said his agent wanted to sign Paul because he knew he'd be huge. Howard said they had some fabulous actors in the film.
Howard said Damon is looking to find someone for Tan Mom to fight. Damon said he's getting crazy calls from Dennis Hof and people like that to fight. Howard asked who he wanted to get to fight. Damon said he has some idea for her to fight with. Howard said maybe he should have gotten Dennis Hof to fight Tan Mom.
Howard said he has some ideas for him. He said maybe Tan Mom vs. Geraldo Rivera. Howard said Tan Mom is a feisty woman.
Damon said that if anyone has any ideas for a fight they can check out WXENT.com. He said he approached Mariann from Brooklyn to fight but she turned it down. Howard said that this stuff he does is crazy.
Damon told Howard that he started with the celebrity fights with Danny Bonaduce. He said he signed Jon Bolaris to fight back in 1996. Howard asked if it's a depressing business. Damon said it's just crazy. He said he had Jose Canseco fight in Ft. Lauderdale and it was just bizarre stuff. He said Jose's twin showed up to fight and it was just weird.
Howard said maybe Tan Mom vs. Wendy the Retard would be good. Howard said he'd watch that. Robin said maybe that Belle Knox would do it. Howard said maybe Tan Mom vs. Machete. Damon said he has had a lot of people who have been on Howard's show in his fights. He said he wants to get Howard's help to find someone.
Damon said they're trying to find someone for Tan Mom to fight and they are offering $500 just to get into the ring with her. He said that he'll give $1000 if you beat her.
Damon said he has had Rodney King and people like that fight. He said Nick Cannon wanted to fight Eminem but he never got back to him. He said Tanya Harding threatened him once. He said he put her in a ring with a drag queen. He said she was afraid to get AIDS. Howard said he saw some interview with her and that period in her life was the worst. Howard said she said that celebrity boxing was the worst part of her life.
Howard said he'd like to see Tan Mom vs. Oprah. He said maybe Tan Mom vs. Michelle Bachman. Damon asked if Robin would do it. Robin said no way.
Damon said that Bam Margera's mom is the referee for the fight. He asked what he has to do to get Howard involved. Howard said there's nothing he can do. He won't be a part of it. Howard said he puts him on the air and that's the extent of it.
Howard gave Damon a plug for his web site and thanked him for calling in. He let Damon go a short time later. Howard said he would watch Tan Mom fight Stacy Keibler. Robin said she would watch her fight anyone. Robin said she loved her on the red carpet at the birthday bash. Howard said he would watch her box. Robin said she could box herself. Howard said she could box Jeff the Drunk. Howard played a Tan Mom clip where she sings. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Matt Lauer and Al Roker are going to be in it. He said he bets they didn't know that it was crowd funded. Benjy said they're not saying that it won't be done if they don't get the money. Howard said it cheapens the product.
Robin asked why they'd make a second Sharknado if the first one didn't do well. Benjy said he thinks they're looking to make money in publicity any way they can. Howard got frustrated and shut Benjy's microphone off. Howard said he doesn't see that it makes you wonder what's going on.
Benjy said that the movie is airing on SyFy on July 30th. He said they've already picked up their next series too. Robin said it seems to her that there's a Sharknado that's done already and if they get more money they'll have more sharks. Howard said he can't imagine anyone would donate to that movie.
Howard said that he heard that Otto and George died. Howard said that he forgets who the puppet was but the guy died. Howard said that he used to do their show and he enjoyed it when he did. Howard said that it was a puppet show but it was really dirty. Howard said he's sorry to hear that he passed. Howard said they say he died in his sleep. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Robin said he was only 53. Howard said it's sad. He said he feels that they were a year from breaking big.
Howard said he hopes they bury George with Otto. He said it was the worst looking puppet too. He said Otto wasn't that great a ventriloquist but that made it even more charming. Howard said he was a nice guy. He said they had him on the show years ago.
Howard said he was inspired by Bam and Novak's relationship. He said he had Fred smash two plates of nachos in his face. He said that they got a lot of email about the girlfriend who had pierced her vagina with so much stuff that it looked like a tackle box. Howard said Sal's wife did that too but she did that with barb wire to keep Sal out.
Howard brought up that Glen Miller guy who shot people thinking they were Jews. Howard said that he killed Christians instead. He said the guy isn't upset about killing people but you'd think he'd be upset for not killing Jews. Howard said that's what he went out to do and he failed.
Howard said the NYPD had an alert to protect the Jewish temples and things like that in the city. Howard said that's just in case this hatred of the Jews catches on.
Howard said that there was a story about a history teacher who was teaching kids that the gas chambers that the Jews were killed in were owned by the Jews. Howard said that made no sense at all.
Howard said the other big story was about this woman who had 7 babies buried in her garage. Howard said that she has other kids that she didn't kill. Howard said she killed 6 out of the 7 babies she had. Howard said she kept 3 kids. Robin said she had a total of 10. Howard said you have Octomom and Teen Mom and Tan Mom. Howard said maybe they need Dead Baby Mom. Howard said she can fight Tan Mom.
Howard said it's weird that Russia took over Ukraine and you don't hear anything about it now. Howard said he has a guy on the phone to talk about that whole situation. Howard took the call and the guy was doing a Russian accent and talking about the situation over there. He was talking about Robin and what a beautiful black babushka she is. The guy asked Robin to call him Putin. He had a joke about her opening her legs so he can ''put in.''
The guy said if Robin has her period he will be the red army. Howard said they wanted to hear about Russia and the Ukraine but this guy just wants to talk about Robin. The caller kept going with jokes and comments about Robin.
Robin asked if they can talk about Ukraine. The guy said he has a joke about Ukraine. He did a knock-knock joke about Crimea. He said he wants to invade Robin's vagina with his meat.
Howard asked if they have blacks in Russia. The guy said they do and you'd think they'd have a better basketball team. Howard said those were some jokes from Boris. Howard said that Robin's beauty has hypnotized him.
Howard played a clip of someone yelling out Baba Booey during a Bruce Springsteen speech. Bruce kind of lost his place during it so Howard thinks he heard it.
Howard said that someone mashed up the song Imagine with Band on the Run. Howard said it is so annoying. He said they make no sense being mashed up. Howard said he hates when they do stuff like that. Howard said it doesn't even work.
Howard said Sarah Palin is on FOX all the time. He said they asked about David Letterman retiring and this infuriates him. Howard played the clip and Palin was talking about getting someone new in there to get the country back on the right track. Howard said that woman is such a loud mouth. He said she has no ideas on how to get the country back on track. Howard said she was the governor of Alaska and she resigned. Howard said makes him nuts. Palin was asked if she was going to run for anything. She said not for senate. Howard said she isn't going to run for anything.
Howard said he has a clip of a news reporter trying to do a report but there's a riot going on around him because the local team lost. Howard said this is the human behavior he doesn't understand. The reporter was saying that there were shots being fired in the area. The reporter threw it back to the studio and the anchor said ''no worries''. Howard said he loves it when they ad lib. He said that guy is safe in the studio while that poor guy is in the middle of a riot. Howard was about to play a porn clip but he said he had to take a break.
Howard said he has to pack for the commercial they're shooting. He said he's so not into shopping. He said they got the script for the commercial. Howard said Ralph talked to the person in charge of that thing. He said that he has a stunt double so they have to dress that person. Howard said he wishes they had a person to do the whole commercial for him. He said they have to copy the outfit for that person. He said he loves California but he hates the plane ride. He said he hates being on a plane and it gets worse the older he gets. He said he doesn't want to do anything. He said he's just a crabby dude.
Howard said he likes doing his own stuff so he doesn't want anyone unpacking for him. He said they have some hotels where they have a butler that will unpack for you. He said he will hang up his own stuff. He said it sounds like a disaster to him.
Howard said that he isn't so lazy that he won't unpack himself. Howard asked if the butler will wash his balls too.
Howard said he was going to play that porn clip earlier. Howard said he's not sure who found this one. He said it's a guy who has a girl upside down. Howard asked JD what's going on with it. JD came in and said that it's a girl hanging upside down and a guy has a vibrator strapped to her vagina and he's face fucking her. JD said he doesn't even have to touch the vibrator. He's not distracted by that. Howard played the clip and the woman is screaming and it sounds like she's in a dungeon. JD said it is in a dungeon. He said it's one of those Kink.com things. There was a lot of echo in the video and the woman's voice is muffled by the guy's cock.
Howard wondered how the woman lets the guy know if she's choking. JD said she must use a hand signal or something. Howard said he doesn't understand this. Robin said it's so sad. Howard said that Robin must want that. Robin said it makes her want to colonize the moon.
Howard asked Robin if a guy putting that much attention on her would get her going. Robin said not if it's painful. Robin said that's the kind of noise she wants to make.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy giving his name in a news broadcast and he had to say it in a special way. He said it was like Jammy Ragsdale or something like that but he was spelling it out in a very unusual way describing the letters as if they looked like a pretzel stick with a hook to the left and things like that. JD said that was an outtake and they put it on the internet. Howard said he knows guys like that from Roosevelt. Howard said that it becomes your every day life. Howard said they're all crazy and they ultimately want to fight you. Howard said he guarantees that guy knows how to fight.
Howard played a clip from a debate that aired on TV and this woman was pro-marijuana and she was running for mayor. She said she had a very good economic plan. She was talking about Hemp. Howard said it was the greatest pitch he's ever heard. Howard said she said that it can get rid of nuclear radiation in a nuclear war.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the commercial breaks seem to be getting worse and worse. He said he has taken two breaks in the past 38 minutes. He said that he gets rolling and then he takes a break. He said he thinks that other people must feel the same way. Howard said if he had his way there wouldn't be any commercials on the show. He said he'd have to break at some point. He said Sirius does have commercials on their talk channels. He said it's a lot different than it was on terrestrial radio. Howard said the commercial interruptions aren't that often. He said he spent an hour and a half with Bam and Novak yesterday and didn't take a break. Howard said for the most part they take one or two breaks and hour or less. Howard said he'd prefer none but that's something that's not his decision. Howard said it's not an inordinate amount of commercials.
Howard said when Tracy comes in he's going to be rolling and he gets some of the breaks out of the way. The caller said he's just being selfish because he wants Howard 24/7. Howard said he gets it. He said in a perfect world they wouldn't need to make money. He said he would like to see Sirius do well. Howard said they do have commercials on the talk stations. He said the music is commercial free.
Howard said the thing he hated about terrestrial radio was the commercials. He said he keeps his radio on all weekend and he listens to Coffee House all the time. He said he listens to Classic Rewind and Ozzy's Boneyard. He said he likes that stuff. Howard said he listens to 90s on 9 too. He said he likes Deep Tracks and all of that. He said he has it on all weekend and he loves it.
Howard said Tracy Morgan is actually there. He said that he's early. Howard said maybe he'll take another break and get to him.
Howard said that he can't wait for people to see the Birthday show. He said that's all he's going to say about that. He said he has seen the video of the show and it's great. He said there are a lot of great music performances. He said it's just fantastic. Robin said she was thinking about what Kathy Griffin said the other day about how you don't see people performing live like that anymore. Howard said the most fascinating thing is that they go to a commercial break during the special and you get to see people milling around and just talking. Howard said that's a great part of the special. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he has to learn to play that Metallica song. Howard said Tracy Morgan is there. He said he has a new stand up special called Bona Fide. He said that's on Comedy Central this weekend.
Howard said Tracy looks really good. He said it must be because his career is on fire. Tracy said he just had a daughter too. He said he has 4 kids now. Howard said he drives him crazy with that. Howard said what drives him crazy is that he's making money now and he keeps carrying on with the women and the kids. He said he should wear a rubber. Tracy said he loves his women. Tracy said he's exclusive with this one. He said her name is Megan and he calls her Ha-Cha-Cha.
Howard asked if this woman knows the real Tracy. Tracy said she does. Howard said he thinks Tracy would have liked to have been considered for the Letterman slot. Tracy said he would have. He said he would have shook things up. He said he would have started with the band. He said he'd have a different band on every night. Howard said he thinks that's a good idea. He said they don't need the same guy night after night.
Howard asked Tracy if he was surprised that Seth Meyers got the job in late night. Tracy said not at all. Howard said that Tracy and Lorne didn't really have a talking kind of relationship. Tracy said they rap all the time. Howard said he heard that Lorne would wink at him when he did a good job. He said he didn't talk to him. Tracy said that's what everyone did. Howard said Lorne could have put him in that late night slot. He said they could have given Tracy a job there. Howard asked why not. Tracy said ''there you go.'' Howard said he thinks that CBS acted too quickly with Stephen Colbert. Howard asked if he has been offered a late night show at all. Tracy said not yet. He said they might come tomorrow. Tracy said people might pay attention now.
Howard said he's good friends with Jimmy Kimmel. He said he has to put in a lot of hours. Tracy said he would do research. He said he would do what Howard does. He said that Howard gave him the blueprint. He said that he has Howard and he has David Letterman. Tracy said he would have a team around him and he'd run his show just the way Howard does. Howard asked who he would have helping him on the show. Tracy said you have to have a great team around you. He said he'd have that.
Howard asked Tracy about hosting the Billboard Awards. Tracy said that they had the highest ratings that they've probably ever had. Howard said he did that and didn't get the late night offer.
Howard said he read that Tracy got the job on SNL and he had never worked in front of white people before. Tracy said that he wasn't nervous and he didn't freak out. He said he was steady as she goes. He said he was excited. Howard asked if he thought they'd get his humor. Tracy said he didn't even care. He said money was a motivating factor for him. Howard asked how he prepared for the audition. Tracy said he has a manager named Barry Katz. He said his agent Matt Frost was working for him at the time. Tracy said they helped him. He said they had him change things around in his jokes to fit that format. He said it worked and that's the thing. He said you can see that audition in the Best of Tracy Morgan SNL box set.
Howard asked Tracy about what he had to change in his act. Tracy said it was just the wording of a few jokes. Howard asked why Barry isn't his agent anymore. Tracy said that you just go your own way and things change. Howard asked why he didn't stay with him. Tracy said that it's like a divorce. He said that everyone goes their own way at some point. Tracy said that sometimes a relationship just fails. Tracy said you just say it ain't workin' out and you move on.
Howard asked Tracy how long he had been performing before they found him for Saturday Night Live. Tracy said it was like 3 years or so. He said he did a workshop for comedy. He said there was this TV show called Uptown Comedy Club and he worked his stuff out there. He said he did 7 minutes there just 4 months after he started. He said that he knew he was funny and it was just about being funny. He said he didn't need a lot of material. Tracy said he does comedy in the spirit of guys like Richard Pryor. Howard said he went up there and did 7 minutes with nothing planned. Tracy said sometimes he'll just go up and talk about his day. Howard asked if he gets up there and talks about having a shitty mood on a day he's not in a good mood. Tracy said he will do that. Howard asked what he did for the audition. Tracy said he did a character called Biscuit.
Howard asked if people think that his character on 30 Rock wasn't really a character. Tracy said they think that's really the way he is. Howard said he was acting on the show though. He wasn't just being Tracy. Tracy said people are with the underhanded stuff. Howard said he was playing a character and people just didn't get it. Howard said Tracy must have been like ''fuck you'' with that. Tracy said he has more couth than that.
Howard asked Tracy about the SNL audition and if he was really nervous. Tracy said he had nothing to lose and that's the way he looked at it. Howard asked if he was the first one to audition that day. Tracy said he was probably second. Howard asked what he did in the act. Tracy said he did a lot of ghetto stuff and he made them laugh. He said he told stories about his life. Howard asked if he knew he got it right away. Tracy said he wasn't that confident.
Howard asked who got the call that he got the job. Tracy said he was washing his car in Harlem when he found out. He said he got the call from Marcy Klein. He said Marcy told him he got the job and he said ''What job?'' He said he just said ''Oh, thanks.'' He said it didn't hit him until he got there that it was that big. He said he told his ex-wife about that and then they got out of the ghetto. He said they were out of poverty at that point.
Howard asked if he moved out in the middle of the night. Tracy said he did. He said he had a party for his birthday in November. He said they went home and packed and they were ghosts. He said you don't want anyone seeing what you've got when you move. He said you get out quick. He told Howard it's like something from Roots.
Howard asked if Tracy got angry with the white man when he saw 12 Years a Slave. Tracy said of course he did. Howard said there's nothing worse than that. Howard said he's not into that. He told Tracy not to blame him. Tracy said they tell you not to talk about it but it happened so of course they're going to talk about it.
Howard asked Tracy about moving and if he really thinks that moving at night is best. Tracy said that's what his daddy did so that's why he did it. Tracy said once someone sees you on TV they think you have a million dollars. He said that they think you keep that money in your house too.
Howard asked Tracy about moving out at 4 in the morning. Howard asked if he had a moving company. Tracy said he didn't have money for that. He said he had to move out himself. Howard asked where he moved. Tracy said he moved to Riverdale. He said he had culture shock moving there. He said he only knew living the way he was living. He said he didn't hear the sirens all the time there. He said he hadn't been around white people like that at SNL either. He said it was culture shock. Tracy said one white woman got up on a horse and yelled ''The ni*gers are coming! The ni*gers are coming!'' like Paul Revere.
Howard asked if the white people were nice to him. Tracy said they were. He said that he still goes through his old neighborhood. He said he won't get out of his car down there though. He said it's safety first. Tracy said he has to water his tree so that's why he goes back down there. Howard asked if he doesn't get out of his car then why go there. Tracy said he still loves his family and friends so he goes to see them.
Robin asked if Tracy still talks to his mom. Tracy said he has other family down there. He said he may not get along with everyone but those people are who made him who he is.
Robin asked what the age spread is in his family. Tracy said his oldest is 29 and his youngest is 9 months. Tracy said that his son works at Caroline's comedy club. He said he's been there for like 4 years.
Tracy said his woman just had her first kid. He said that they're still engaged. He said there is no pressure there. He said that she comes with him everywhere. He said his daughter had a passport at 2 years old. Tracy said his lady is a model so she understands that.
Howard asked Tracy about his new TV show that's on FXX. He said the show is produced by the guys who do It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Tracy said he's a motivational speaker in the show and he has crazy methods. He said he's a former gym teacher who got caught smoking weed. He said he went into the service and then came back and now he's a motivational speaker. Howard asked when the show is on. Tracy said it should go up in August. He said they're going straight to series.
Howard asked what the method to memorizing a script is. Tracy said the first thing he learns is his blocking. He said you have to learn where to stand. He said he can look at a script and memorize it. He said he has a photographic memory. He said he needs a second to remember it. Howard said that is an amazing skill. Howard asked if he has a high IQ. Tracy said he doesn't know. He said he's never been tested.
Howard asked Tracy about writing his own material on SNL. Tracy said that came toward the end. He said he had to learn what his voice was on the show before he could do that. Howard said that most of the writers on the show were white. He asked if they understood him. Tracy said he had to bring the hood to them since he couldn't bring them to the hood to learn.
Howard asked Tracy about working with Peter Dinklage. Howard said Peter has said that he is the funniest person to work with. Howard said that Peter said that Tracy came in claiming that Ernest Borgnine was his father. Howard said after he said it enough people started to laugh. Howard said that the more he said it the funnier it got. Howard said Peter said he was very fun to be around. Tracy said he was just having a good time. He said his dad was like that. Tracy said that Ernest Borgnine looks just like him and if you look at them then you'll see it. Tracy said when he got his kidney transplant he was doing minutes. He said they were calling him the black Patch Adams in the hospital. Howard asked if it's tiring being on all the time. Tracy said it's not.
Howard said he sat next to Tracy at a Knicks game and he was on the whole time there. Tracy said he was just having a good time. He said he wasn't trying to audition or anything. He said he's funny and he's funny when he feels like being funny. He said he's comfortable being around Howard. He said you don't see that if he's not comfortable.
Howard asked Tracy about his fiancee and if he was nervous that she might not be into him since she's a model. Howard asked how he seduced her. Tracy said it's all in the eyes. Howard asked where he net her. Tracy said he was in front of Madison Square Garden. He said he was buying a Bentley. Howard asked if that's what he drives around in. Tracy said he drives an Aston Martin. Howard asked if that gets too much attention. Tracy said he knows how to do it right. Tracy said that he's not afraid of attention. He said he wraps it around him like a cloak.
Tracy talked about how hot Beth is and how he knows how much Howard loves her based on the size of the rock on her finger. Tracy said he wants to do a radio show when he grows up. He said he wants to be like Howard. Howard said he should do a couple of shows there on his channel. Tracy said he would get a couple million listeners. Howard said he has two radio channels there. Howard said he could get him a show right now if he wanted.
Howard asked Tracy about his tattoos. Howard said he has a million of them. Tracy said he has a propeller hat and some of the places he was raised. Tracy got a ''Me, Myself and I'' on his back. He said they have special meaning to him in his life.
Howard asked Tracy to talk pussy now. He said he wants to do a fuck bracket. Howard asked Tracy who he would pick out of these choices. He gave him Kathy Bates or Gaborey Sidibe. Tracy said he has no idea who they are. He picked Kathy Bates anyway. Howard asked Hillary Clinton or Janet Reno. Tracy picked Janet because she's tall. Howard gave him Barbara Walters or Betty White. Tracy said he'd take both. Howard said he has to pick just one. Howard asked about Katy Perry or Lindsay Lohan. Tracy said he has to take Lindsay. He said she'd have to spit on it and call it a racial slur.
Howard asked Tracy to pick Tina Fey or Halle Berry. Tracy picked Halle. Howard asked Kim Kardashian or Beyonce. Tracy said they're all lovely women. Howard said he has to pick one for the bracket. Tracy picked Kim. He said he likes thick women. Howard gave him Rihanna or Miley Cyrus. Tracy picked Rihanna. Miley was too young.
Howard asked Kim or Rihanna. Tracy picked Kim. Howard asked Lindsay or Halle. Tracy picked Lindsay. Howard said the final match up is Kim or Lindsay. Tracy said he has to go with Lindsay. He said she looks uninhibited. He said he has to go with her. Howard told Gary to bring in Lindsay now. Tracy said he's not afraid of that. He said he would bang her now. Tracy said he can get hard without even touching it. Howard asked to see that. Tracy said he can get hard just breathing.
Howard asked if he has a big cock. Tracy said that thing goes past his belly button. He said he has girth on his belly too.
Howard asked if he makes love with the lights on. Tracy said he does. He said he has to see it. Howard asked if a girl can get the whole thing in her mouth. Tracy said they struggle but they try. Howard said he has such a small dick. He said it must be great to have a big one. Tracy said that women can only feel 4 inches anyway. The rest is pressure. Tracy said he did one woman who queefed for a minute after he was done. He said they call him anaconda.
Howard asked if he does oral. Tracy said he just did that this morning. He said he tosses salad all the time. He said if you lick that thing down there then you have licked the butt hole. Tracy didn't believe that Howard had never done it.
Tracy told Howard that he is dirty. He said that when he was young he discovered masturbation. He said he would beat off at any material. Howard asked what he beat off to. Tracy said he saw a Jehovah's Witness bible with a topless Eve in it and he made all of the pages stick together. Tracy told Howard he used to jerk off into a woman's panties and make them stick together. He said he loves the smell of panties. He said he got a ticket for beating off in his car once. He said he was on 42nd street at the time. Robin was laughing and Tracy said she has such a sexy laugh. He did an impression and said that she would straighten him up.
Howard asked Tracy when he was caught masturbating. Tracy said it was just two years ago. He said it was a female cop and she let him off. Tracy said he was just joking. He said that he had a bag of Cheetos in the car and this woman bent over and had no panties on. He said it was warm out and this woman had no panties on. He said that if he gets hard then he has to get a summons. Howard asked if the cop knew who he was. Tracy said he had to ease that thing back in. He said he was about to cum when she saw him. Tracy said he was too cool for school. He asked the officer how she was doing. He said she told him he had to keep it moving. Tracy said that she told him he had to stop doing what he was doing and move it along. Tracy said he's so big he can't beat off in public. He said the black out in 1975 was from him beating off.
Howard asked if he ever gets into fights. Tracy said he hasn't done that since 11th or 12th grade. He said he knocked that dude out. He said the guy goofed on his dad because he had AIDS and he knocked that fucker out. He said that this guy had no idea what his dad was going through.
Howard said that Tracy's stand up special ''Bona Fide'' is on this weekend. Tracy said he's getting ready for a new tour later this month.
Howard asked Tracy about doing a show in Australia and the people not getting him. Tracy said that he was talking about porn and this woman came out and said that he was going to make them feel differently about how men look at women or something like that. Tracy said this woman went online and wrote a letter to someone and that got out.
Howard asked Tracy about his stand up special and why he called it Bona Fide. Tracy said this was real to him and he thought that was Bona Fide. Howard said the special is on Sunday night on Comedy Central at 10. The unedited version is on at 1am. Tracy told Howard to check it out. Howard said he wants to see the unedited version.
Howard asked if he still watches Saturday Night Live. Tracy said he's working. He said that if he's watching that show then he's not making money. He said he guest hosted the show once and it was great. He said he was in every sketch on the show that night. He said he felt honored to do that.
Howard said that Tracy is also in Conversation with Hannibal Burress. Tracy said that's going to be great too. Howard said you can get tickets at 92y.org
Howard asked Tracy if he still has his shark tank. Tracy said he does. He said he loves underwater life. He said his older brother is crippled and they went to a community pool. He said his mom bought him a set of Pumas and he was like 11 years old. He said someone stole his sneakers. He said he went back the next day and shit in the pool to get back at them. Tracy said there were collard greens floating in that water. He said they had to shut that pool down that summer. Howard said that he was an angry kid. Tracy said someone had to get it after his sneakers were stolen.
Howard said he went to a community pool once and there was a shit in it. He said that must have been Tracy. Tracy said that was him. He said that was short ribs and collard greens floating in there. Howard gave Tracy some more plugs for his stuff and started to wrap up with him.
Tracy asked if he could bring in his assistant Jeff. He said he's Howard's biggest fan. Jeff came in and said he's been working for Tracy for a little over 2 years now. Howard said it must be tough working for Tracy. He said he's so high energy. Howard asked what he has him do. Jeff said he was working on a film and someone he worked with had worked for 30 Rock so he told him Tracy was looking for someone. Howard asked if he has to be available at 4 in the morning. Tracy said Jeff works from home most of the time. Jeff said he's on the phone and emailing a lot. He said he stays in contact with all of Tracy's people. Howard asked what the worst thing is he ever asked him to do. Jeff said he has to deal with all of his animals.
Robin said she wanted to commend Tracy on his performance at the tribute to Eddie Murphy. She said she thought he was amazing. Tracy said he didn't have any stories so he honored him in his own way. He said he wore that red suit. He said Eddie has one of his biggest comedic heroes ever. Howard asked if he's ever had dinner with him. Tracy said he had a meeting with him. He said they bowled in his house. He said they had a good time there. Tracy said he can just imagine what Howard has in his house. Tracy said Howard has a movie theater in his house. Howard said oh yeah.
Tracy said when he grows up he wants to be just like Howard. He said he wants the initials on everything just like HS. He said that he is like Michael Corleone. Howard wrapped up with Tracy a short time later and went to break.
Howard took a call from Red Gypsy who said that the chemistry with Tracy is ridiculous. She said that it's always a great interview. She said that Tracy is strong and brave and it was incredible today.
Howard said Tracy told him a story about meeting President Obama. He said that Obama actually hugged Tracy and it was a highlight of his life. Robin said that he has a great sense of humor apparently.
Howard said they do have NBA radio there. He said he wants Gary to look into that and get back to him about him doing a broadcast.
Red Gypsy said she just discovered eating ass with her fiancee. She said she learned to get a good blow job going you get the dick to the back of your throat. Howard cut her off saying that this is gross and he doesn't want to hear that. Howard said he's going to throw the fuck up. Robin said sex is gross. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that stuff. Fred played a Ronnie clip where he says ''Eat her out at her pussy.''
Howard said when he gets back from vacation they're going to do a special with Billy Joel. He said the show is going to air around noon instead of in the morning. Howard said that they won't be in the studio. Howard said they're doing it at a special location. Howard said Billy is going to do some songs and some guests will do Billy Joel songs.
Howard said he asked Billy if he would consider picking a song to cover since he doesn't really do that. Howard said he's looking forward to being surprised by the song he picks. Howard said fans are going to write questions and Billy said he didn't want to know them ahead of time. He wants to do it off the cuff.
Howard said the guests they have in the studio will be the musicians and the people who work there. Howard asked how they're picking the questions. Gary said they're taking submissions through the SiriusXM web site. Fred was playing Richard Simmons ''Gary!'' audio clips and Gary said he can't concentrate with those clips playing. Gary said the time may change for the broadcast that day. Howard said they have a lot of work to do on it but they are excited about it.
Howard took a call from Balls who said that he's going to think about that Tracy Morgan interview all day because of that shitting in the pool story. Howard said he went to a pool once and someone had shit in it. He said it was so disturbing to him. He said he freaked the fuck out.
Robin said Howard had a story about shitting his pants once. Howard said he was in kindergarten. He said he went into the bathroom and he realized there was an amazing amount of shit in his pants. He said that he went home and he had shit stains in his pants. Howard said his mother would find them in the hamper and she'd fill the sink up with sudsy water to wash them. He said she'd soak them in there. Howard said it was humiliating. Howard said she had a laundry thing going on and she wouldn't put them in there. Howard said he buried his underwear in the yard when he'd make a mess in them.
Howard said he didn't want to hear it from his mom with the lectures. Howard said you'd think that your parents would toilet train their kids. Howard said he doesn't think he was ever told how to wipe. He said he was raised like a wild wolf. Howard said he didn't have a technique with his wiping.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that Tracy Morgan is always on. He said he's really amazing. Howard agreed. Robin asked if Jeff is inspired. Howard said Jeff is always off. Jeff said he's never inspired. Jeff said Paul McCartney is going to be playing up there. He said maybe he can get Ashley his autograph for him. Howard thanked him for the call. Jeff asked if he can help him out. Howard asked Jeff to help him out for a change. Jeff asked if he can get him back stage. Howard said it's always a request with Jeff. He said he always wants a favor. He said he doesn't want to be a part of it. Howard said he doesn't want Jeff back stage and bugging Paul for an autograph. Howard said that guy has no shame. He said he likes Jeff but there is no conversation that doesn't end with ''can you help me out?'' Howard said he can imagine his night thinking about the havoc Jeff is wreaking back stage at a show like that. Howard did a live commercial and then a short break after that.
Howard came back and did another live commercial read. After that Howard said it was time for Robin's news. They played her in with a song parody about Robin's black hole buns. Howard said that was by Psych. Howard said he has a Billy Joel song that's fantastic. He asked Fred if he had that. Fred said he did not. Howard asked Gary where that is. Howard found it and played it for Robin. Robin got a laugh out of that. It was to the tune of ''Downeaster Alexa.'' Howard said he really pours his heart out. Howard said that's one of his favorite Billy Joel songs. Howard said there are so many that he likes. He said he likes that soldier one too. Fred played some of ''Goodnight Saigon'' for Howard. Robin said this is a really great song. Howard asked Fred to write him a song like that. Fred said you have to be Billy Joel to do that. Robin wondered whose story that was in the song. Howard said he knows Billy wasn't sure about writing the song since he had no experience in the war.
Robin started her news asking Howard about who Night Wing is in the comics. Howard said he might not know that one. He said it might be a DC comics character. Howard said he thinks he was the original Robin in the Batman comic. Howard said he grew up and became Night Wing. Robin said he is correct. Howard said that's useless information. Robin said that it is Dick Greyson and Batman made him Night Wing. Howard said now you know what he was doing with his life when he was a kid. Robin said they're changing him and killing off Night Wing. Robin said they will make people think he's dead so he's not really dead. Robin said Dick Greyson will come back as some sort of super spy.
Robin said that the Ultimate Warrior died and they have revealed that he had heart disease. Robin said they paid tribute to him on WWE Raw the other night. Howard said JD was all upset about that whole thing. Howard said that they had a nickname for JD when he was growing up and it was Strong Man. Howard said that's what his brother named him. JD told Howard that's a name he picked out. He said his brother didn't pick it. Howard said JD used to be DaBadAss on the internet. Howard said you picture someone like Chuck Zito over a JD. Howard said you expect Chuck to show up and not JD.
Howard asked JD if he was upset about the Ultimate Warrior dying. JD said he didn't cry or anything. He said it sucked though. Howard said they went on the street and showed people a picture of JD and said his wrestling name was Strong Man. They asked people what they would call him. In one clip the person said he should be called Goof Ball. Howard played another clip and a guy said he would call him Four Eyes. He said his finishing move would be strangling someone with his glasses. The guy said there was nothing strong about him at all.
Howard said JD has a very high opinion of himself with nicknames. Howard said he likes that Goof Ball nickname. He said they need a Goof Ball in the WWE. Robin said they could have Goof Ball fans. She said it would be fun. JD said it would be real fun.
Robin had some audio clips from WWE Raw where they paid tribute to the Ultimate Warrior. Howard played a few seconds of the tribute and said ''What a tribute.'' It was all yelling and wrestler talk. They had another clip where the played a bell 10 times in memory of the Ultimate Warrior. Howard asked JD if he watched that. JD said he did not. JD was talking to Howard through Gary's speaker box so it was even more muffled than usual.
Robin read a story about a guy who made a cannon and blasted it through his mobile home and killed his girlfriend. Robin said the guy decided to light his home made cannon and blew a hole in the side of the trailer. Robin said he's under arrest and being charged.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that it's great that Sirius is including Howard and the fans in these specials. Howard ended up hanging up on her in the middle of a sentence.
Robin read about this woman who had the 7 dead babies in her garage. Robin said that her husband had just gotten out of jail. Robin said that no one knew that she was pregnant between 1996 and 2006. Robin said the woman says that 6 died at her hands and one was a still birth. Robin said the woman has 3 other living children. Her husband was in prison on drug related charges. Robin said the woman didn't seem to want any kids. She abandoned the 3 kids she had living in the home and went off on her own. Robin said they wonder how the husband didn't know this was going on.
Robin read a story about how they have figured out that the Glen Miller shootings were a hate crime. Robin said that they say he was screaming out Heil Hitler in the police car and he was on a tirade. Robin said at first they said they weren't sure it was a hate crime. Robin had a clip of some official making a statement about the case and what President Obama had to say about it.
Howard said they say a lot of young women are choosing dogs over being mothers. Howard said that's what the NY Post said. Robin said that must mean it's true. Howard said he can see that. He said when a dog grows up and becomes a teen ager it doesn't say ''fuck you'' and run off to an abortion clinic. Robin said she would bet that most of them will go off and have kids anyway.
Howard said Serena Williams has said she used to be embarrassed by her curvy body but she's come to love it. Howard told Benjy he should be proud of his too. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and said that there was a guy who said that the woman who had the dead babies actually babysat for other kids. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin read a story about two cannibals in Pakistan who were released from prison and kept eating people. Howard said he saw someone eating an arm somewhere on TV this week. Howard said he wasn't sure where that was. It may have been on Game of Thrones. Robin said that these guys in Pakistan were eating dead people that they dug up from graves. Howard said that can't be good for you. He said you can get sick from eating other people. Howard said that they may be crazy already though so they may not care.
Howard read some email and one guy asked who is a bigger bad ass, Chuck Zito or Danny Trejo. Howard said they may be equals. Howard read an email about his guitar playing and how it's comedy gold. Howard said that's not what he was going for. Howard said someone said it was great but another person said that Sal sings better than him. Howard had some mail about how Robin laughed at him while he sang.
Robin said today is the anniversary of the Boston Bombing. Robin said the marathon is taking place next week in Boston. Robin said that Joe Biden is expected in Boston today for the memorial. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the race that's coming up next week. They're expecting 9,000 more entries in the race and about double the people watching the marathon. Robin had some audio of some people who survived the bombing too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the guy who was charged with the bombings of the Boston marathon. Robin said he's in solitary confinement.
Robin read about the Oscar Pistorius trial and what's going on with that. Robin said that he's still on the stand. Robin had some audio from the trial. Howard said his guess is that she was ready to leave the guy and he got steamed and shot her up through the bathroom door. Howard said he hopes ''My lady'' doesn't fall for this. Robin said she thinks the prosecution has wrapped up their side of the case.
Robin read a story about how much a nursing home can cost. Howard said we all dream about putting our parents in a nursing home. Robin said they say that the annual cost is $87,000. Robin said that the cost in the long run is close to $250,000. Robin said they say that 70 percent of people will need that kind of care at some point.
Robin read a story about a woman who threw a shoe at Hillary Clinton at an event. Robin said that the secret service has charged a 36 year old woman. Robin said that Clinton later joked about the incident. Howard said he thinks people who do that kind of shit should have the book thrown at them. He said we have enough weird shit going on.
Robin read a story about how a quick bite may help stop arguments with your spouse. Howard said he gets that. He said he calms down when he eats a meal. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about why this works. Howard said Jason never fights with his wife. You can tell because he weighs about 500 pounds.
Robin read about how some interrogation methods they use with prisoners use Red Hot Chili Peppers songs. Robin had some of their music for Howard to play. Robin said the band has said that they don't think it's the right thing to use for torturing people.
Robin read a story about how a girl is getting a new ear with cartilage used from her ribs. Robin said they're trying to reconstruct the ear after doing her nose, cheeks and lips. Robin said this girl was 3 months old when a pet raccoon mauled her face. Howard said raccoons don't belong indoors. Robin said one of the doctors says that there is only one chance at this surgery. Robin had some of the audio of the doctor talking about how they're using a potato to practice making this piece. Robin said they say this has only been attempted twice before. Robin had audio of the doctor talking about that.
Robin read a story about a new TV show called Fargo. Robin said it's a 10 episode event that is like the movie Fargo. Howard said he doesn't know anyone who wanted that movie made into a TV show. Robin said Colin Hanks is in the series. Robin had some audio of Hanks talking about how he can be upstaged on the red carpet events. Howard said he hopes they turn Sophie's Choice into a TV series. Howard said she'd have to make different choices every week.
Robin read about today being tax day. Robin said that some businesses are offering special deals today. She read a few of those things and had some audio of Bret Michaels talking about something he's doing. Robin had a few other deals that various businesses are offering too. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said that JD was on the squawk box today too. Jon asked if he's more comfortable on that. JD said he'd rather be in the studio looking at Howard. He said he just felt like using it today. Gary said sometimes there's a very simple answer and that box is good for that. Gary said Howard will ask where something is and JD will yell it out to him. He said they got JD his own squawk box for those times when Howard needs to know something simple.
Jon said that Howard is going out to L.A. soon and he gets grumpy over that. He said he's already complaining about it. Jon asked if it's that much of a nightmare that Howard says it is. Gary said he likes to be at home he guesses. He said he finds packing to be a pain in the ass too though. Jon said Howard doesn't even want to go on that trip even if it's going to be a great trip. Gary said he understands that. He said he has all of his TV shows on his DVR at home and he won't have that on vacation. Gary said you bring a book instead. Gary said he has to pack everything he can into one piece of luggage. He said he ends up just taking everything.
Jon said when he travels with the family they have no problem going to the baggage claim area. He said he tries to get them to pack light but they never listen to him. Gary said that Howard has a lot of things to do so he needs a lot of clothes to change into.
Jon asked JD if he likes traveling. JD said he hates it. He said he doesn't like the airports and all of that. Gary asked what he hates about airports. JD said it's depressing seeing people there. He said everyone looks miserable. JD said there's nothing to do there. He said all of the TVs have CNN on them. Gary said he could bring an iPad. JD said you have to pay like 20 bucks to use the Wi-Fi there. Jon said he's with him on that. He said they shouldn't charge you for that. Gary said it really is expensive. He said that it's worth it on the plane though.
JD said he loves Virgin America. He said they have TV on their planes. He said he has very sensitive ears so he has to clear his ears all the time. He said he never has to do that on Virgin. JD said he has had no issues on their flights.
Jon said he thinks that JD just thinks that he isn't having problems on that flight. JD said he noticed it on that flight. Gary said he has no sinus issues so he wouldn't know himself. JD said he has to take sinus stuff every time he travels.
Gary said the most disgusting place on the planet is the bathroom at an airport. He said that guys get off a plane and it's just disgusting what they do in there. Gary said that he won't even put his luggage on the floor in the airport. He said he'll put it on the diaper changing table.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks JD hates the airport because he relates it to JD's mom packing up and moving to Hawaii. JD said that's a good one. Gary asked JD when he got on a plane to go on vacation on a pleasure trip. JD said he's doing that for the first time this year on the fourth of July. Gary asked where he's going. JD said he's going to Vegas. Gary said maybe he hates airports because all of his other trips were not for pleasure.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jon if he has to use the extender lap belts. Jon said he was just as funny as the last caller. The guy said he has had to do that himself so that's why he was asking. The caller said he likes Jet Blue for their DirecTV stuff. Gary said does like to watch big guys try to get their belt on sometimes. Jon said he has seen that happen. He said you look for people on the train to sit next to who aren't that big.
Jon asked Ronnie how he feels about the airports. Ronnie was smiling and JD was asking what's up with that. Ronnie said he was trying to be like JD. Jon asked Ronnie to look at him when he's asking him a question. Ronnie said that it doesn't really bother him to go to airports. He said if he's being forced to go he doesn't like it so much. He said he doesn't like the TSA thing. Jon said they all deal with the delays and all of that.
Gary asked if Howard would be upset if he was going to Mexico on vacation. Ronnie said it wouldn't be as bad. Jon said he still thinks Howard doesn't want to make that trip. Ronnie said Howard loves being at home and doing his thing. He said when he has to break his routine it throws him off.
Jon asked how it was traveling with JD. Ronnie said they had fun. Jon asked if he knew about his ears. Ronnie said they knew about it. He said they all knew about it. Gary asked if he's been to a doctor about it. JD said he hasn't. JD said a flight attendant told him what to use to clear it up. He said that it can be painful for him when the pressure gets too high. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon asked JD what he was thinking about. JD said hew as thinking about him talking about liking dirty underwear. Ronnie said he liked it when Tracy asked Howard if he really never ate ass. All of the guys said they believe Howard never did.
Jon asked Ronnie if he likes Tracy. Ronnie said he seems to be a man's man. He said that he likes doing a lo of things. Jon asked Ronnie what he's tried that they would be surprised by. Ronnie said they've been through that before. Jon asked about doing an orgy. Ronnie said you have to be real careful with that. He said he would say no to that but yes to a threesome. Ronnie said you have to find the right person. Jon asked how hard it is to find the right guy. Ronnie said he didn't say anything about a guy. He said he's not doing it with another guy. He said it's going to be a girl.
Gary asked Ronnie about what he does when he's with two women. He said that Bam was talking about how hard it is to do that math to figure out who to do what to. Ronnie said you have to have ground rules. He said after that it's all out there. He said you don't stick your dick in the other girl. He said that's one of the rules. He said even for the guy if he sticks his dick in that chick then he might like it better. He said that's the risk you take. Ronnie said the girls can go at it and you can watch. Gary said he remembers some cheesy movie where he wanted to get his wife into bed with another chick. He said once he did he was done in seconds and then the girls went at it for hours. Ronnie said you have to get drunk first. He said it lasts longer that way.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie and JD ever smell dirty underwear. Ronnie said he has smelled it in the laundry but he doesn't go looking for it. JD said he's not into that stuff.
Ronnie mentioned he likes jerking off into dirty underwear. Jon said they really have to go to break. They did that a short time later.
Shuli asked the guys who they would like to box on staff. JD said he would pick Lisa G. Gary said he has someone in mind. He said he would box Sal. JD said he's not looking to fight. Gary said he and Ralph were supposed to box and he trained for it. He said he loved the training.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary topped them all today when he got flustered by the Richard Simmons clips. Gar said once Fred realized it was real he kept playing more clips. He said he had to take his headphones off to finish the conversation.
Jon asked Shuli what he had in the news today. Shuli mentioned that Jeff the Drunk is upset with the show once again. He said that Jeff wasn't happy with what Howard said to him today. Ronnie said ''Fuck him.'' The guys all got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking to Robin about what he was wearing. He said he was wearing a leather jacket. He told Robin there is snow on the ground. She hadn't been outside. Howard said they woke up to ice and snow this morning. He said it's supposed to be spring. Robin said they say that it's supposed to be 20 degrees with the wind chill factor. Howard said he didn't know what it was going to be like out this morning but he did know it was going to be cold. He said he didn't know just how cold. He said yesterday he wasn't dressed warm enough. He said it was 80 degrees on Sunday and now it's 30. Robin said there's nothing they can do about it.
Robin said that Howard wanted to send planes up to control hurricanes but they can't control this kind of stuff. Howard said we need to blow up the moon. He said that's what's causing the problems. He said there are many people who think that's the right move. Robin said the moon has nothing to do with this. Howard said she's like those people who thought the earth was square. He said she'll see eventually.
Howard said the moon causes tides. He said he just learned that. Robin already knew. Howard said they'd have a very lake like situation in the oceans if they got rid of the moon.
Howard said Valerie Harper is stopping by this morning. He said she was on Dancing with the Stars recently. He said she has a serious illness too and he wants to ask how she's doing with that. Robin said she was wondering how she was doing. Howard said they'll talk to her today. Howard said he wants to talk to her about everything, even her period. Howard said she probably wants to blow up the moon because she's got cancer. Howard said he thinks she had lung cancer. Robin said she thought it was brain cancer. Howard said life is not fair.
Howard said he's getting a lot of nice emails and tweets about Tracy Morgan's appearance yesterday. Howard said he was really good on the show. Howard said he tried out eating ass on Fred this morning and Fred loved it. Howard said they're calling Tracy the black Dr. Ruth thanks to that conversation. Howard said that Lindsay Lohan won the brackets they did with Tracy and that kind of surprised him. He said it made more sense as he thought about it. Howard said they say that Lindsay may have fallen off the wagon at Coachella. Robin said Charlie Sheen's ex has been in rehab like 21 times and Lindsay hasn't made it that many times.
Howard said they were talking about Sharknado yesterday and how they're doing crowd funding. Howard said it made him upset thinking about that. Howard said Benjy was wondering why. Howard said it's because he thought Sharknado was a financial success. Howard said he thinks they completed the movie and used up the budget. Howard said they probably want to edit Benjy out and they don't have any money left. Either that or they used up so much money in craft services with Benjy that they need more money.
Howard asked Benjy if he knows why they're doing this. Benjy said his guess is that they're doing it for publicity. Howard said it's negative publicity though. Benjy said he doesn't think it is. Howard said maybe he's right but who cares? Howard said that they wouldn't do this for publicity. Benjy said they do stuff like this for charity sometimes. Howard said he was wondering if Benjy had spoken to the producers but obviously he hasn't.
Howard said he was reading about Lindsay Lohan allegedly falling off the wagon at Coachella. Howard said that she was allegedly drinking soda and had some booze with that. Howard said they don't drink soda there. Howard said he's been eating really healthy lately. He said he had a salad last night and he had some extra cucumbers in there. Robin said she thought he didn't eat salads. Howard said he always does. Howard said Robin doesn't eat enough protein. Howard said she won't eat fish. Howard said she did for a while but then she stopped. Robin said everything has protein in it. Howard said ''whatever'' and moved on.
The caller asked about the celebrity impression contest they have coming up. Howard said they got a lot of entries but a lot of bad ones. Howard said he'll play some of the good ones. He said they had to narrow them down and it was no easy task. Howard said they have a $5,000 prize for the winner. That's provided by Audible.com.
Howard asked the caller if he entered. The caller said he did. He said he did a Mad Dog impression. Howard said he thinks that was terrible. The caller, Sean, said he was a finalist on the Mad Dog channel. Sean said he beat Sour Shoes. Howard asked to hear the impression. Sean did it and Howard said it wasn't as good as Sour Shoes.
Howard had some clips to play. He said he has one from a guy named Barrett. He was doing a Gilbert Gottfried impression. Howard played that clip and said the Gilbert was good but he went into a Jerry Seinfeld impression that he shouldn't have done.
Howard said he has one of a guy doing a Harvey Firestein impression. He played that clip and said everyone can do that impression. Howard said they were desperate so they pulled that one. The caller asked about the girl who has been in the contests before. Howard said she tried out for AGT and they told her she can't be in any other contests at the same time.
Howard said that he has one of a guy doing a High Pitch Eric impression. His name was Matt Jacobs. Howard said he has one of Michael Fremmer doing Jackie Mason. He played that and it was pretty good too.
Howard said he has David Hitchens doing a Ronnie impression. Howard said he didn't quite pull that one off. Howard played the clip and the impression was a funny idea but not a great impression according to Howard.
Howard said he liked this one. He said this was Guy Stewart doing High Pitch Mike Morales. Howard played that one and said it was funny but not a great impression. Howard said they're going to have a few of these people down to do their impressions. He said they didn't find a lot of good ones. He said they want to thank everyone for sending in entries but these were the best they got. Howard said they'll have some of them down and finish off the contest.
Howard let Sean go and said he wasn't so bad at his Mad Dog Russo but he wasn't as good as Sour Shoes. Howard asked if Sour entered. Gary said he did not. Howard said he doesn't understand his lack of motivation. Gary said he doesn't have the wherewithal to figure it out.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told the fans that Howard is going to be in L.A. and doing AGT tapings. She asked if he's bringing his guitar with him out there. Howard said he was going to bring it on the plane but he decided not to. Howard said he's going to be in L.A. for 9 days. He said he was going to bring all kinds of things but he never has time to do anything fun out there. He said the weather has been amazing out there and he knows Beth will be sitting pool side. Howard said he will be working. He said they tape from 10am to 8pm. He said it's going to be a long day. Mariann said they have free tickets for the fans out there too. Howard said they're still doing auditions. Robin said she thought it was a closed thing. Howard said this is open to the public.
Mariann asked Robin if she liked it at Madison Square Garden. Robin said she did. Howard said that they had a good time with Robin there. Robin said she might have made plans to come to L.A. if she had known what they were doing. Robin said she missed traveling with Howard in these things.
Mariann said that Howard should bring his band to Radio City and have them open up for the shows. Howard said he would do that if he knew how to play. He said there is never going to be a band. He said that was more about the tryouts.
Mariann said that she's spending $15 to be in Sharknado. She said she donated to do that. She also mentioned that she's going to be at a Jon Leiberman book signing today. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said a fan put a picture together of Howard, Fred, Robin and Jackie in a Van Halen photo. He said that got a lot of attention yesterday. He said they tweeted it out and put it on the Facebook page. Howard said he also took a picture with Tracy Morgan yesterday and for some reason they usually get negative comments on his looks. He said for some reason they got positive feedback about it. Howard said this picture with Tracy people say he looks good. Howard said it's the first time they got no negatives on his horrible appearance. Howard said someone said he looks so young. Howard said one guy said he looks 30 years old. Howard read a bunch of the comments in there. Howard thanked the fans for that.
Howard said the Oscar Pistorius trial is coming to an end. He said he's expecting a lot of ''My Lady'' comments from him toward the end. Howard said it'll be like that song where they sing that. Howard asked what song that's from. Fred tried to find it. Benjy said something about Butterfly. Fred found the song and it was by Crazy Town and the song was ''Butterfly (Come my lady)''. Howard said it's a horrible song after hearing a few seconds of it.
Howard said there are a million things going on. He said people are intrigued with Tan Mom. Some people threw out some names for the fight. He said someone suggested Tan Mom vs. Eric the Actor. Howard said someone suggested Sal.
Howard said someone asked him about working with Wolfman Jack at WNBC. Howard said he didn't see him that much. He said he would cut one liners there at NBC a couple of times a year. Howard said they had thousands of clips of him saying one liners and they would piece together a show out of those clips. Howard said Wolfman would come up like once a quarter or so and he'd cut those lines. Howard said he was doing something there and he remembers talking to him. Howard said he was a big guy. Howard said he was legendary and he was in American Graffiti. He said he did a radio show out of Mexico on a 100,000 watt station or something.
Howard said he had to pose for a photo for WNBC with Imus, Wolfman Jack and Soupy Sales. He said he was bummed out because he knew Imus hated him. He said they took the picture and he put it in one of his books. He said he thinks that was in Private Parts. He said he didn't spend a lot of time with Jack though. He said he seemed like a nice guy. Howard said he did put together a broadcast career. He said he had a unique voice and he was cool with him. Howard said it was no great friendship though. He said he was an angry guy and didn't have many good friendships. He said he had a shit attitude back then. He said he threw off a bad vibe. He said that had a lot to do with low self esteem. He said he was getting shit on by management in Washington DC and then at WNBC. Howard said everyone wanted to hire him but even the company he worked for hated him. Howard said Robin would testify to that. Howard said their program manager hated him. He said that's why he had a shit attitude.
Howard said that the guy was so angry with him because he had an article about him in the paper and the program manager wasn't mentioned. Howard said the guy just hired him. He said he didn't even want to hire him. He said he was just listening to a consultant who suggested him. Howard said the guy thought he was a flash in the pan. He said he's gotten knocked like that for so long. Howard asked how he couldn't have a shitty attitude. Howard said he was angry with anyone who had a career going. Howard said he's a little bit more chill now. Howard said he had so many years being bitter that he became a hardened cock sucking fuck. Robin said there he goes with the cock sucker thing again. Howard said he has to come up with something else. He said maybe shit eating. He said he's not sure why anyone would say that either. He said he's not sure why he'd have a shit eating grin.
Robin said the guy who did that Butterfly song was on Celebrity Rehab. Howard said he didn't remember that. Howard said that the guy did OD but he didn't die. Howard said the guys in the back thought he had died. Howard said that he misses that show. He said he loved watching Celebrity Rehab. He said he had to take a break. Howard said they may hear from Sternac the Improbable today. He went to break after that.
Howard said that there's a guy, Brian Lowry, who wrote an article in Variety magazine. Howard said that he wrote about how the interview he did with that white supremacist guy Glen Miller a few years ago isn't so funny now. Howard said he'll talk to anyone on the phone. He said that he believes in shedding light on things and opening things up to dialog like Anderson Cooper says. Howard said that Variety magazine profiled Roman Polanski so he's wondering why they'd do that and then point out his interview with a guy like this. Howard said that Polanski is a rapist. Howard said he bets that they whitewashed that whole thing. Howard said they probably talked about what a great director he is. Howard said he would interview Roman Polanski too but he'd take a stance against him. Howard said that's what he did with this white supremacist guy. Howard said he didn't do the interview as a joke either.
Gary asked what the odds are that the guy even heard the interview. Howard said he bets he didn't hear it. Howard said when Phil Donahue did interviews with racists they weren't called out. Howard read some of the article that this Brian Lowry wrote and pointed out what was wrong with the article. Howard said that he wasn't making light of what the guy was saying. He said he was letting people know how this hatred is out there.
Howard said that Miller called him a filthy and lying Jew. He said it was not comedy. He said that if you sit out there thinking it's all behind us then you're full of crap. Howard said the racism is still out there. Howard said he will continue to interview racists.
Howard said Lowry points out that he put this guy in his movie. Howard said of course he did. He loves pointing out that these people still exist in this world. Howard said that he has no problem with people like Oprah doing interviews with people like this. Howard said he just finds it odd that this guy makes it seem like it's wrong to interview someone like that. Howard said he wants to know what the fuck this guy is thinking so he'd interview him right now. Howard said he warned people about him and put him on the air for everyone to hear.
Gary said that this guy Brian Lowry also wrote an article about how Sarah Silverman should act like a lady because she's too dirty. Howard said that's like telling Robin she should act like a black woman. Howard said he doesn't care about Brian Lowry but he finds it interesting to bring it up.
Howard said they can't interview Roman Polanski for the magazine and then call him out on something like this. Howard said you should interview everyone. Robin said they should shine a light on all of these wackos. Howard said that they were watching this guy.
Robin said she wants to know how this guy in Boston who placed fake bombs on the streets of Boston on the anniversary of the bombings. Howard said that you want to know what that guy is thinking. He said they should interview him.
Howard said he's sure this writer would interview Woody Allen and he has some shady things going on. Howard said he'd like to know who this guy approves of him interviewing. Howard said some of the best stuff he saw was during the civil rights movement when people would interview racists. He said that got people talking. Howard said journalists would go to Vietnam during the war and show what was going on. He said you show the violence and it upsets people. He said that's right, that's what they were going for.
Howard said he has no problem with being singled out but he should be praising him instead. He said that he's exposing the hate. He said he's going to look up the Roman Polanski article and he bets that it was all positive. Howard said that they probably didn't point out that he's a rapist. Howard said they probably say he's a great guy. Howard said he had to take another break after that.
Howard asked Robin what she thought. Robin wasn't there. Howard figured she was in the bathroom. Robin said she was having a very important discussion there. Howard told Robin there wasn't one mention of rape in that article. Robin said of course not. Howard said it doesn't make sense with this guy saying he shouldn't interview a racist. Robin said the truth is that he exposed him to a lot more people. Howard said he should just do what Variety does and hide the fact that a guy is a rapist. Howard said they must be in a backward world.
Robin said this guy doesn't like Howard's sense of humor so he paints him with a broad brush. Howard said the guy is a dick. Howard said they should lighten things up and contact Sternac the Improbable. Howard had Robin introduce him.
Robin introduced Sternac and Howard went into his Johnny Carson/Carnac impression. Howard had to tell Robin where she had to come in with her script. Robin said she had in her hand some envelopes. Sternac was going to predict what was in them and then open them up and see if he was right. Robin said she had the envelopes and they were kept in a place no one goes anymore... Janice Dickinson's vagina. Sternac said he had to smell them. He said that they have been stored in a horrible place. Robin said Sternac will figure out the questions without seeing the answers.
The first envelope was held next to Sternac's head. He said the answer is Robin Thicke. Sternac opened the envelope and said ''Why Batman won't be the bottom in the relationship.''
Sternac said may your wife spend the weekend on Simon Cowell's yacht without birth control. He said that the next envelope's answer was ''Hello kitty.'' Then he opened it and said the question was ''How does Lisa G greet her significant other each night?''
Sternac gave the next answer which was ''Ukraine.'' He opened the question and said ''What do the kids call Howard Stern at school?''
Sternac had ''Monkey Come.'' He said the question was ''How I address Gary Dell'Abate when he wants him to approach him.''
Sternac said the next answer was ''In Sync.'' He opened the envelope and the question was ''Where does Ronnie Mund wash his ass?'' The next answer was ''Miss America.'' The question was ''Name something Edward Snowden does every day of his life.''
This was the final envelope according to Robin. Sternac's next answer was ''Fun guy.'' The question was ''What do you call the stuff under Gary's toe nails?''
Howard said goodbye to Sternac after that. Howard said that was something. He said now they can do the real thing since that was the dress rehearsal. Robin had missed a couple of her lines in the bit. Howard said that he thanks the person for writing in and asking to hear it. He said he may never hear that bit again.
Wolfie said this was all out in the country and he drove home on a really dark road. He said that he was asking questions and he didn't even have a cell signal out there. He said this was out in the Poconos. Robin asked if they were camping out. Wolfie said they rent a camp in a state park. Howard asked if they were annoyed by him. Wolfie said they had no idea why he was there.
Howard played a clip of a woman being interviewed and telling Wolfie about her character with a weird accent. Wolfie asked what race she was. She rambled something about being an elf that lives in the trees or something. Howard asked how she finds this LARP thing. Wolfie said he felt like a detective finding where it was and when it took place. Howard said he has no idea how he'd even discover there were other people who like doing this LARP thing.
Wolfie told Howard they have this point system out in the woods. He said they have PVC pipe covered in foam that's supposed to be a sword. He said that you get killed if you get hit so many times. He said he was just a reporter out there so he wasn't playing the game himself.
Howard played another interview and a guy was playing the character Hodor from Game of Thrones. That guy just kept saying ''Hodor'' like the character does.
Howard had another clip of a guy doing his Golum impression. Howard asked if that's what he was the whole weekend. Wolfie said he has no idea what he was. He said he wasn't dressed as Golum. Wolfie said the costumes ranged from being pretty good to awful. He said if they were an elf they had Spock ears on.
Howard said he went to Woodstock after 9/11 to chill. He said he would rather take his chances in the city with the terrorists.
Wolfie said he knows Howard hates people who waste time. He said these people spend 48 hours doing nothing but chasing each other with fake swords. Howard said this is a huge waste of time. Wolfie said there were a couple of lawyers in the group. He said there were some who still live at home with their parents though.
Howard replayed the clip of the elf girl talking about what she was doing there. Howard said she has it all figured out.
Wolfie said they had to kick one person out because they were swinging their sword too hard. He said he's not sure how they pick people out to show up. He said they kicked out some others who were intoxicated. He said you're not allowed to be intoxicated. Howard wondered how you get through the weekend then. Howard said he and Fred should go to one and start bashing people over the head with pipes. Wolfie said he's surprised that Benjy wasn't there. He said he can imagine him being at one.
Howard said he would love to know who hooks up at these things. Howard asked if the chick he was playing was the hot one. Wolfie said she was cute. That was the elf girl who was talking about sleeping in the ferns. Howard asked if Wolfie would have banged her. Wolfie said he would have.
Howard replayed more of that elf chick's clip and said he has a guy on the phone who says his nephew is a LARP. Howard picked up and the guy said that no one makes fun of him for it. Howard said he would. The guy said he goes out into the woods and does this at the age of 16. He said he wastes his time with this LARP bullshit. Howard said this is the time he could be learning guitar or some cool skills. He said he's busy doing this bullshit instead. The caller said he'll have to see how this kid ends up. Howard said he's out there beating kids up with a PVC pipe. The caller said he just doesn't get it. He said he should just hang out and chill instead. Howard said maybe he can get the Sopranos crew to go up against the elves.
The caller asked what he can say to him. Howard told him to just laugh at him or tell him to snap out of it. Howard said he's not going to know it's wrong if he doesn't tell him. Howard said psychiatrists say that anything goes these days though. Howard said the competition for chicks can't be that tough when you're around LARPers.
Wolfie said one guy showed up with a bow and arrow. He was a new player. He said that the guy let him shoot him in the chest with a bow and arrow. He said it had a big foam tip on the end of it. He said you have no idea if it has an end on it or not. Robin said it'll take someone dying at one of these things to stop it.
Howard told the caller not to say anything to his nephew. He said kids might get upset about those things. Howard said he had to go after that. He let the caller and Wolfie go.
Howard said Wolfie told Gary he was really scared up there in the woods. He had no cell phone up there. Howard said it's just crazy.
Hanzi said that Howard had to have heard of the ultimate Warrior. Howard said he never had. Howard said he wishes he did know about that but he didn't. Hanzi said Howard had enough wrestlers on that he had to know. Howard said he didn't know. Howard said he interviewed wrestlers but he didn't know much about what they do. Howard said he really has to go. Hanzi asked him about doing some TV or Movie appearances. Howard said he'll pass them on if they get anyone calling. Hanzi said he knows he wont. Howard hung up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that's Billy Joel, the man of the hour. Howard said they're going to be talking to him on Monday the 28th. Howard said they'll have a lot of famous people stopping by. He said they're going to have people asking questions from the audience. He said they'll have a lot of fun.
Howard said Valerie Harper played Rhoda on the Mary Tyler Moore show. Then she played that character on her own show and got bigger ratings than Mary. Valerie came in and said that she used to see Howard in Central park all the time. She said that he's like a fashion guy. She said she loves those curly locks of his.
Howard said Valerie slimmed down and got herself in shape. He said she was kind of heavy back in the Rhoda days. She said she was back then. She said that her thighs got her into that part. She said she didn't think she'd get the part since she was a brunette like Mary was.
Howard asked if that show was her big break. She said it was. Howard asked if she had any idea it was going to be that huge. Valerie said she did not. She said she lost out on auditions because she didn't smoke and didn't know how to fake it. She said that was back in the day when they sold cigarettes. Howard asked how it was when she got the role on Mary's show. She said that she got the call from the people running the show. Howard asked if she knew anyone who tried out for the role. Valerie said she did. She said Jim Brooks knew a Rhoda he worked with an he based the character on her. Howard said they say that Jim Brooks is brilliant when it comes to sitcoms. Valerie said he really is.
Howard asked Valerie about auditioning for the show and if she got to audition with Mary. Valerie said not the first time. She said that the room was very warm and welcoming. She mentioned some of the people who were there. She said the script was marvelous. She said that she as new to TV but the show was written beautifully. She said it was like a play.
Howard said she was being paid $700 an episode. Valerie said he's right and he's a good researcher. Howard said that's not that much money. He said she was a working stiff. Valerie said that she was part of a working ensemble. She said that there wasn't a lot of money.
Howard asked about Ed Asner and if he was a good guy. She said he was great. She said Ted knight was great too. She said he died quite a few years ago of some kind of cancer. She said they were very close and she went to the funeral. Howard asked if it was star studded. She said it was. Howard asked if she said a few words. Valerie said she didn't but others did. Howard asked if she's still in touch with Mary. Valerie said she just spoke to her 3 weeks ago. Howard asked if Mary was jealous that her show got bigger ratings. Valerie said Mary owned the show so she was happy with that. Valerie said she was worried that the show would fail but Mary told her that she could move back into the city and back on her show.
Howard said the amazing thing is that people hated Rhoda when she came on the show. Then they came up with a good idea to have a little girl say that she likes Rhoda. Valerie said that they wanted the character to be the way she was but they came up with the idea to have the 9 year old like her. She said that she called her Aunt Rhoda and that's the way they got people to like the character. Howard said the audience must be dumb. Valerie said they're not though. Howard said when they were working on his movie they needed women to like it so they had to manipulate the audience. Valerie said Howard's movie was great. She said she loves Howard as a judge too. She said he's telling the truth.
Howard asked if Valerie went in and asked for more money on the show. Valerie said they all did it and they dig give them raises. Valerie said she got great money for the times.
Howard said that the Mary Tyler Moore show was a hit. Valerie said it wasn't in the beginning. She said it was toward the end that it did. Howard asked about getting the spin off and if that was very tempting. Valerie said she thought she was being fired. She didn't know what that spin off term meant. She said that they told her that they would take care of her show. Valerie said the show was about her trying to find a man. Howard said she found a really good looking guy too. Howard asked if people got upset that he was so good looking. Valerie said that it did come out later on.
Howard asked Valerie about how they could write for her when she found a good looking man. Valerie said that they did a very brave thing to take a real success and do a wedding. She said they had 52 million viewers. Howard said he was right there. He said he masturbated to that episode. Valerie laughed.
Howard asked if she started acting early. She said she started out dancing. She said she played Little Abner on Broadway. Howard asked if she was a ballerina. She said she wanted to be. Howard asked if she still goes to Ballet and says she wishes she could have been. Valerie said she doesn't.
Howard said he is so angry about her cancer. Howard said she never smoked a cigarette. He said she lives a healthy lifestyle and she still got cancer. Valerie said her husband, Tony, is very healthy too. Howard said he gets angry because she had lung cancer. Valerie said they found it by accident in 2009. She said they found a dot on her x-ray. She said they said it could be nothing. She said that she was very nervous. She said it was very small. She said they biopsy the thing and then they took out the lobe.
Valerie said that she had an x-ray every six months and there was nothing. Valerie said she was in rehearsal for something and her jaw started to get numb and she wasn't able to remember her lines. She said Tony thought she was having a stroke. She said she had tests done and then they tell her she has this type of cancer in the lining around the brain and up and down the spine. She said that it's not in the brain but around the brain. She said that this lining is around the spine, the brain and genitals. She said that Chemo can't get in there to fix it. Howard wondered why she got cancer and didn't smoke. She said that they say that 60 percent of lung cancer is with non smokers. She said that smoking has an effect but it's not as causal as people make it. She said that it's kind of a protecting thinking you can't get it if you don't smoke. Valerie said it's false cause.
Valerie said that her cancer came back and they didn't know if it was related to what she had removed. She said they took spinal fluid and Dr. Lisa De Angeles said that she could do the work there in New York but they wanted her to go to L.A. Howard said they had heard she would live 3 months or something. Valerie said that's right. She said that was her husband. She said that she didn't want it seeping out on the internet that this stuff was going on. Valerie said that people lived Rhoda and she was standing in the glow of Rhoda.
Howard asked Valerie how she has managed to stay alive and thrive. Valerie said it's great care. She said there is new medicine that they're using and she's going to be publicizing over this. Howard asked if she can get the Chemo for this or not. She said you can. She said there is more stuff in the pipeline for this cancer. She said there are more people getting into this type of cancer research.
Valerie said that everyone is terminal. She said that she did plan her funeral after this all came out. She said she finally got a will too. Valerie said they had one but they had to do something better. She said she told Tony they had to do it because he didn't want to do it. Valerie said you should make a will even if you're 40. Valerie said that death is inevitable. She said that she got all of her affairs in order.
Howard asked how she's doing. Valerie said that the doctors say that it's incurable but they don't see anything right now. She said that January 2013 was when they got the diagnosis. Howard did the math and counted the months. Howard said she has lived a year and 4 months after saying she would live 3-6 months. Valerie said that they can only go by their experience. Howard said she seems like the life of the party. He said she has more energy than he does. Howard said he would be in a panic if he were in her situation.
Valerie said her husband won't even go to funerals. She said he has panic attacks over the whole thing. Howard asked if they ever get upset after having sex or anything. Valerie joked that Tony keeps looking at his watch after they do it because he's wondering what she's doing hanging around.
Howard said he would have been like ''Fuck Dancing with the Stars'' if he had 3 months to live. Valerie said that she's going on 75 and she loves dancing. She said that the doctors tell you what might be ahead. She said they don't give you a death sentence.
Howard asked how people voted her off. He said they're such animals. Valerie said she wasn't doing the steps right. She said that her knees were killing her. She said that it wasn't even the cancer.
Howard said that Valerie is there to promote ''Signed, Sealed and Delivered'' which is on the Hallmark channel. Howard asked if they make her go through some kind of evaluation to make sure she can get through something like that. Valerie said she has to have a physical. She said that the wonderful Martha Williams wrote this and it's great. She said that it's 4 people and they deliver undeliverable mail. Howard said that's very Touched by an Angel kind of thing. Howard asked how long it took to shoot. Valerie said she was there for a week or so.
Howard asked if she is doing anything special like jumping out of airplanes. Robin asked if she has a bucket list. Valerie said she doesn't have a bucket list. She said she is taking on parts and she had to take this part that Martha wrote for her. She said she wrote it just for her.
Howard asked if she has the same routine every day. Howard said he thinks he would. Valerie said that she's grateful that she's there and that she's not suffering. Howard said he thinks it's her attitude. Valerie said it's the drug she's taking. She said that she gets a little queasy from it. She said she has to take 10 pills in one day and it makes her queasy. She said she does that once a week. Then she's up and running. Valerie said she hasn't had any bad stuff like headaches. She said it could arise at any time though. She said she could get hit by a bus. Howard said we're all dying and we don't know when we're going to drop dead. Robin said if she wasn't doing what she liked she would have quit and gone and done what she wanted to do.
Howard said he once said that Valerie was going to outlive the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and she did. Howard said that's great.
Howard said Valerie said earlier that she feels bad for younger people but you never feel you've lived enough. Valerie said that's why it's important to seize the day. She said that you have to live the moment. Valerie asked Robin if she had a death sentence. Robin said she did. They said they were just going to try to prolong her life. Howard said Robin is fully cured now. Howard said there is hope. Valerie said that her lung cancer doctor, Jeremy Rudnick, told her that no oncologist has not seen spontaneous remission. She said that hasn't happened with what she has but it could happen.
Howard asked if Valerie is a wealthy woman. She said in terms of the world she is. Howard asked if she is in terms of money. Valerie said she is not. Howard said she must have made some real dough with Rhoda. Valerie said that was a long time ago. That was 1970. She said money tends to be spent.
Howard said when the Hogan Family came about it was a disaster. Howard said she quit after two seasons. Valerie said she was wrongfully fired. She said it's ancient history now. She said that she's friends with them all now. She said it was the business part that was trying to do shenanigans. She said that they went to court and settled the whole thing. She said that she had a long form contract that she signed and they refused to get to it. She said that they never signed that contract. Valerie said that was illegal though. Howard said they put Sandy Duncan in the show after that. Valerie said they had a commitment with Sandy and that's what they put her in. Howard asked if she's angry at Sandy for taking that job. Valerie said she's not. She said that she was an actress taking a job. Howard said he would have hoped they'd fail.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said that he was a big fan of the Mary Tyler Moore show. He said the whole family was. Howard said everyone was a fan. Ralph said that he never understood about how she was the hottest chick on the show but she kept doing fat jokes about herself. He asked if that bothered her since she wasn't fat. Valerie said it really didn't. She said that it was very true to live. Ralph said she wasn't fat though. He said he would have banged her over Mary. He said it was always Rhoda for him.
Howard took a call from Nicole Bass who said she's a big fan of her's. She said when she heard she had brain cancer she was so upset. Nicole said that she hates that doctors give you a time to survive. She said that her husband had serious heart problems and he lived 15 years. Howard thanked her for that. Howard said he knows that Nicole suffers from testicular cancer. He said he was just joking about that of course.
Howard asked Valerie if everyone got in touch with her when she announced her cancer. Valerie said that everyone contacted her. She said she has stacks of mail she's trying to get through. She said that Carol Burnett sent her a letter. She said that it was funny and sweet. She said she got a letter from Phil Rosenthal who wrote for Everybody Loves Raymond. She said that Mary called her and so many other people. Howard asked what Mary said to her. Valerie said that Mary wanted to have a mass at her house. She said it was a loving expression. She said that she wanted to generate some prayer around her. Valerie said she wasn't able to fly though. She said she went up to 178 pounds because she was eating voraciously. She said she was on steroids and she was ravenous.
Howard asked if Sandy Duncan contacted her. Valerie said she doesn't think so. She said that a lot of people sent emails though. Valerie said that she has letters piled up. She said she has pals, fans and more. She said that made her feel good. Valerie said that she felt burdened that she had to respond. Howard said he would be the same way. Valerie said that people sent her stuff like potions and things. Howard said that sounds bad. Howard said he's glad Robin didn't reveal her cancer. Howard said they would have made her crazy with the potions and snake oil. Robin said that it's horrible. She said that there are tons of so called cancer cures out there.
Valerie said that she tried some alternative stuff but she wanted to try Rogaine to grow her hair back and her doctor told her no. She said the doctor wanted to get in there with the pills and go at it aggressively. She said the doctors would say ''We'll see you in two months'' after checking her out. She said they told her to tell them if she has any pains or anything. Valerie said that she went to dinner with her daughter one day after taking her 10 pills. She said she went to a pizza place with them. She said she had some pasta and it went down and then came up. She said she ate too soon. Valerie said that the doctor thought that she just ate too soon after taking the pills.
Howard said that Valerie is not Jewish but people think she is. Valerie said that she grew up in the theater so she knew Yiddish. She said that they didn't want her to use it on Rhoda. She said that she played a Jewish woman on Rhoda. She said that she got the accent from living in New York and having so many great people in the business with it.
Howard asked if Valerie ever had a hard time remembering her lines. Valerie said it depends on how long she had to learn them. Howard said Tracy Morgan was talking about how he has a photographic memory so he learns them very quickly. Valerie said that's great. She said that she learned her lines for ''Signed, Sealed and Delivered'' very quickly. She said that's because it's written so well.
Howard asked how long it took to learn her lines on Mary Tyler Moore. She said it was about a week. She said they did it like a play and they had to know their lines. She said that she would screw up once in a while though. Howard asked if there were people who didn't know their lines and screwed up the whole production. Valerie said that didn't happen very often. She said it did happen at times though.
Valerie said they had a woman playing a little old lady and she came in dressed in a running suit. Valerie said that she looked 50 and they were going to fire her. Valerie said that she had to play 100 instead. She gave her the advice and the woman made the adjustment.
Howard asked who the greatest actress of her time is. Valerie mentioned Meryl Streep and Cate Blanchett. She said that Maureen Stapleton was great too. Howard asked who the best sitcom actress was. Valerie said that she loves what Mary does but she thinks Lucille Ball was the best.
Gary came in and said that Valerie has to leave in about 4 minutes. Howard gave her some more plugs and talked about how she is known to be a great person in the business. He said everyone loves her and loves working with her. Howard said he's assuming he's in her new will. Valerie said that she has talked about coming on the show and she worried about the show 30 years ago. She said his producer said that was 30 years ago and she should just do it. Valerie said that she has heard on the street that Howard is great. She said she has heard that from so many people. Valerie said that Howard's shtick has worked for him but he's gotten so full from it. She said that she has to say it while she has the mind to say it. Howard said he's sorry she's going through this health situation the way she is. Valerie said there are so many people who have it worse. She said everyone has stuff.
Howard asked if she believes in God. She said she does as god as a connected thing between human beings. Howard asked if she thinks she's going somewhere. She said that not as Valerie but as a spirit. Howard asked if she's afraid that she'll upset God if she says something. She said she doesn't know if there is anything or not. She said that god is love and what people do. She said it's what brings out the best in them. Howard said if he were her he'd compliment god. Valerie said she was raised catholic and god is very powerful in that religion. Howard asked if she has done anything really bad that would keep her out of heaven. Valerie said she doesn't think so. Howard asked if she has ever stolen. She said she has. She said she shoplifted in her teens. Howard asked who hasn't. Valerie said she went to confession for that. Howard said Valerie really has to go. Howard said if she leaves this planet she has to give a secret word to him so she can get in touch with him through a psychic. Robin said she must mean a lot to Howard because he never even asked her for that.
Howard gave Valerie some plugs and wrapped up with her. Howard said he hopes that she never pleasured herself because God looks down on that. Valerie said that everyone does that in their teens. Howard said he's 60 and he just did that last night. Howard spent another minute with Valerie and then had to let her go. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and asked where this is from. Fred said he wasn't sure. Howard said it is a live performance. He said it's a jazzy version. Fred said he does that sometimes.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said Valerie Harper was fantastic. He said Howard is a great interviewer. Tommy asked what they should do with this guy who they caught in Boston who put the fake bomb out. Howard asked if it was a stunt. Robin said there was a rice cooker in the bag. Howard said he should get life in prison. He said that's dangerous. Howard said that is not cool. Tommy said you can see the video of the guy walking down the street with a black veil under it. He said he was yelling ''Boston Strong'' too. Howard said they should put him in jail for a couple of years at least. Tommy said they should put him in a cell with the guy who did the bombing last year.
Robin said you do wonder what to do with the crazies like that. Howard said we don't need them walking around. Howard said they have a prison system for people like that. Howard said they need to lock everyone up so he's safe.
Howard said it's a miracle that they don't have more crazy people out there. Howard said it's shocking that there aren't more people running around naked on the streets and things like that.
Howard said he has a lot of things to play. He said Dikembe Mutombo was on a show and was asked what his full name was. He gave the full name and it went on and on. Robin said he has to be making something up. Howard said he knows his whole name.
Howard said Valerie Harper gave Gary a note that had the word that she will have to pass on to a psychic when she passes away. Howard said that he hopes she lives another 100 years but if she doesn't, he's going to contact psychics and try to find her. Robin said she doesn't have much faith in that. Robin said they only give the first initial when she sees psychics working. Howard said he will be speaking with Valerie Harper through psychics some day.
Howard said there was a guy who won Wheel of Fortune but he got one wrong because he wasn't able to pronounce the word ''Achilles.'' Howard said he wasn't able to say the name. Howard said the guy also missed the word ''decision'' in ''On the spot decision''. He said something like ''On the spot diespin''. Howard said the guy ended up winning anyway. Howard said they say that it was a million dollar blunder because he had landed on the million dollar spin on the wheel. Howard said the guy couldn't read. Howard said you have to be able to read to play the game. Howard said a lot of people think he should have won. Robin said no. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Howard said he watches a lot of FOX News. He said his best friends are on the show The Five. He said that he watches the show each night and he feels like they're his friends. Robin said maybe he is communicating with them every day. Howard said that he knows them better than his own family. He said he doesn't listen to his own family that much.
Howard said he loves this about FOX News. He said that they have a right wing agenda and they're not subtle about it. Howard said they did a story this morning about a study done about marijuana. Howard played the clip and they were talking about how the brain is changed if you smoke marijuana. They read that report and then read a story about how President Obama smoked a ton of pot. Howard said they hate Obama there. Robin said that's funny. Robin said they aren't subtle at all.
Howard said Pharrell Williams is coming in soon. He said he has a number one song called ''Happy'' and he was on Oprah recently. He said he cried on the show and Oprah said something to him that is so new age. He played the clip of Pharrell crying about his career and how great it feels. Then Oprah says she gets it, she really gets it. She said that it's so ''infectuous'' and it came from such a clear space and it flows from heart to heart. Howard said he wishes that he could analyze that sentence. Robin said she doesn't even get the word infectious right. Howard said that he has no idea what that even means. He said she should explain herself. Howard said they don't understand what she's talking about.
Howard had another clip to play but he said he has to get to the news. Fred told him to do a quick live commercial first.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he hates when Gary comes in and stops an interview. Howard said she is out promoting so they can't help that. Howard said he gets it like Oprah gets it. He did an impression of Oprah and goofed on that clip he had played earlier. Howard had the line written down for him and he read it back. Howard said she is something else. Howard said no wonder people love her. He said that's a lot of hocus pocus. Howard said women are so embracing of one another. He said women love her saying stuff like that.
Howard had the top 5 songs. He said Idina Menzel was at number 5. Howard said number 4 was Jason Derulo. Katy Perry was number 3 and at number 2 was John Legend. Number 1 was Pharrell Williams.
Robin started her news with a story about Artie Lange had a problem. Robin said he was in the hospital outside of Detroit. Robin said he went into a diabetic shock. Howard said he didn't think Artie was a diabetic. Jon Hein came in and told Howard he could be borderline diabetic. He said he has never gone into shock like that himself. Howard got a report saying that Artie has type 2 diabetes that he was diagnosed with in 2012. Robin said she was sorry to read that this morning.
Robin read a story about Ellen Degneres being voted the most powerful gay woman in America. Robin read some of the other names on the list.
Robin read a story about David Letterman's replacement being on the show next week. Howard said that's Stephen Colbert. Robin said that the two hosts will sit together.
Robin said there's a new scam going on where people get a call saying that you owe more on your taxes and ask you to send more money. Robin said they have at least 20,000 victims of this scam. Howard said he didn't think that anyone could fall for that. Fred played some clips of Gary the Retard as if he were the one falling for that scam.
Robin had Howard play a clip of Neil Young's ''Heart of gold'' and told Howard that he is trying to raise funds for his new Pono music service. Robin said he started a Kickstarter thing and he raised $6.2 million. Robin said 18,000 people gave to that campaign. Robin said he only needed $800,000. Howard said he'd buy a house if he had that money. Robin told Howard that this is a higher definition music service. Howard said he doesn't think anyone cares.
Robin asked Howard if he knows what this Saturday is. Howard said he's going to be working all day. He said he actually starts on Monday on AGT. Robin said this weekend is Worldwide Record Store day. Howard did his impression of Gary talking about his vinyl records while Fred played a scratchy record sound over him. Howard kept goofing on Gary so Gary said he's going to get his calligraphy cap and quill so he can write. Howard said at least he's creating something with that. Fred played a song parody about Gary's vinyl after that. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a phone sex line using Tracy Morgan audio clips. Fred also played Red Hot Chili Peppers ''Give it Away'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said he really doesn't give a shit about vinyl. He said he can play whatever he wants on his iPod. Howard said it matters to Neil Young but the rest of them don't really care that much. Howard said it's cool but people just want it easy. Robin said that's the problem, it's so easy. Howard said he remembers getting albums that were warped. Robin said there were always problems with the needle too. Howard said the scratchy record noise Fred keeps playing makes him crazy.
Robin said she used to wonder where drugs were before she took them. Robin said that a guy from Trinidad was caught smuggling 2 pounds of heroin in his underwear. Robin said he was caught because of the way he was walking. Robin said they found a hard object in his groin and found the heroin. Howard said he doesn't understand why they don't just make it all legal. Robin said that way they wouldn't have to take things that were in someone's butt. Howard said they say that some people do drugs so much that their pets are getting it in them. Howard said there are so many people doing this stuff and he's not sure why it's a problem. Howard said they found in Colorado that the same people who smoked weed are still smoking it. It didn't make more people smoke.
Robin said that Michael Strahan is now on Good Morning America as well as Live with Kelly and Michael. Robin had a clip from Good Morning America when Michael made his debut. Robin said he will be on a few times a week.
Robin read about Courtney Love's online series called Love on Love. Robin said she only seems to get in trouble with it. Robin said she said she's not a fan of Bruce Springsteen's. Robin had a clip of her talking about that. Robin said she does admit she enjoys the 1982 album Nebraska though. Robin said she isn't a fan of Bruce's though. Howard said it's fun to comment on that stuff. He said that's what people who are into music do. Howard said he was into the Beatles and people used to fight over who was better. He said even when he works at radio stations there are people who would argue over music even though it didn't matter one bit. He said that it's unbelievable. Robin said that other artists shouldn't be critiquing other artists like that. Howard said he finds it refreshing. He said he likes it. Robin said she doesn't care that she doesn't like the saxophones in his music. Howard said he doesn't think anyone cares. Howard told Robin not to try analyzing her.
Robin read a story about a teen age girl who was caught shoplifting from a Victoria's Secret store. They found the stuff she was stealing and a dead baby in her bag. Robin said she went right out to get some skinny jeans. Robin said the baby was actually in her purse in a bag. Robin said she must have been anxious to get into some skinny clothes.
Robin read about Mayor Bloomberg deciding to use his own money to get better gun control laws passed. Howard said he saw that. He said he loves the guy but he fucked him over personally recently. Howard said he didn't want to talk about that though. He said it was a personal thing. Howard said he is his biggest supporter but he did fuck him in a way. Robin asked if he knew he was fucking him. Howard said he knew. Howard said it's just ''fuck Howard... fuck your biggest supporter.'' Robin said he's not running for anything. Howard said he did love him as mayor. Robin said she wishes she knew what this was about. Howard said it's not that big of a deal. Howard said he is a rich guy who is used to getting whatever he wants. He said he gets it. It's not that big of a deal and he's already over it. Howard said it's miniscule but it ruined his perfect image of him.
Robin asked Howard if he knows about these claw machines that you play to get toys out of. Howard said that's how he got Fred's engagement ring. Robin said this woman found out her 3 year old walked out of her apartment and they found the kid inside a claw machine. Robin said he was fine and he was given one of the toys to play with. Robin wondered how he got inside the machine. Robin said no one is telling her. Robin said this was in Lincoln, Nebraska.
Robin read a story about a man who killed a woman and stayed in her home for days. Robin said it was the husband of the woman who was killed. Robin said the guy told the cops his marriage just didn't work out.
Robin read a story about the Boston marathon packages that had to be detonated. Robin said someone left a back pack on the sidewalk and the cops had to destroy it. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that. Howard said he can't imagine anyone doing that as a joke. Howard said that's just a creep. Robin said they say it was a man walking barefoot and yelling ''Boston Strong'' out on the street. Robin said that a media outlet accidentally left one on the sidewalk but this guy left that one out there.
Robin read about the guy who shot up the Jewish center in Kansas has been charged. Robin had some audio of someone reading the charges. Robin said the suspect, Frasier Glenn Cross, is being held on a bond of $10 million. Howard asked if he knows that he didn't kill any Jews yet. Robin said it's all over the news. Robin said he was motivated by his hatred for Jewish people. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read more about the story she had yesterday about a 3 year old girl doctors were growing a new ear for. Robin said the ear transplant will happen in June. Howard said that's great. Howard said this gives hope to Benjy who was partially eaten by a raccoon as a child.
Robin read about a couple of formerly co-joined twins will be getting out of the hospital this week. Robin said they are going to have to do inpatient visits to the hospital. Robin said that they were separated in August and are set to be released today.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he had Jimmy Kimmel and Ralph needing a kidney, who would he give it to. Howard said it's just not happening. He said he's not giving anyone his kidney. Howard said he's not giving anyone anything. He said that he thinks it's terrific that people do that but he's not going to. Robin said her kitty, Leroy, gave up part of his kidney to save another cat. Howard said that's great but he's not giving his up. Robin said he could lie and make himself look like a hero. Howard said he's just not doing it. Howard said if he was ill he'd expect someone to give him a kidney.
Robin said Howard never says he loves life. Howard said he does love it. He said he is a home body though. He said he loves life but just not when he's at work. He said when he's home he loves life. Howard said he has a date with his wife today and he's looking forward to that. Robin said she's happy to hear that. Howard said he sits with his bosses and tells them he loves it there. He said once he gets there he wants to go home. He said once he's home he's so happy. He said he loves it all at home. Howard said home is the key. He said his parents scared him from going out. He said he can entertain himself all day in a room alone. He said he would thrive in a rec room at a mental home.
Robin read a story about how Walmart's low wages are costing the country billions in food stamps and subsidized housing. Robin said a spokesman for Walmart says that is not accurate.
Robin read a story about the Oscar Pistorius trial and how they're asking for a delay by the prosecution. Robin had some audio of the judge talking about that delay. Robin said the trial is going to adjourn for 2 weeks after this week.
Robin read a story about a ferry sinking off the coast of South Korea. Robin said there are over 200 people missing. Robin said they're not sure why it sang but some people say they heard an impact. Robin said the ferry was also carrying about 150 vehicles.
Robin wanted to talk about Game of Thrones but Howard told her to hold off just in case someone hasn't seen it yet. Howard said that this season is very good so far. Robin said she screams when they introduce new characters. Howard said he really likes Peter Dinklage in the show. He said he is so great. Robin said she hopes that the girl falls in love with him. Howard said the one girl who still gets naked is the one he likes. He said he's over the Khaleesi. He said she announced she won't get naked anymore. He said she's not doing anything with those dragons either. Howard said she needs that guy Cesar Milan to help her train them. Howard said they should have the dragons set her on fire to burn her clothes off. Robin said that wouldn't be appropriate since she's their mother.
Robin read that there's a new voice pack coming out for Call of Duty and Snoop Dogg will be one of the voices. Robin said she had some of the audio of Snoop Dogg's music. Robin said most of his dialog will be written by the game makers but he will be able to put his spin on it.
Robin read a story about Dolly Parton's library continuing to grow. Robin said she has 700,000 children enrolled in her program. Robin said that her father was illiterate and that inspired Dolly to start this charity. Robin had some audio of Dolly talking about that. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said Howard doesn't care. He goes after him anyway. Gary said Fred was laughing too and he's the biggest hypocrite. He said he's just doing his job though.
Gary said he has been getting sent a lot of vinyl. He said he gets a lot of 45s for his jukebox. He said he got some Roy Orbison and Sam Cook albums. He said that Lucas is set up to do his DJing and he listens to records. He said it's not the only thing he does though. Gary said he took a shot at Howard over his calligraphy and stuff like that. He said Howard told him he's creating but he's creating for himself. Gary said he's not sure why there has to be a line in everything. Gary said Howard sitting in a hat with a quill is joy for Howard and listening to vinyl is happiness for him. Jon said that's just the way they roll there.
Jon said that he thinks Gary made a hit with that jab at Howard. Gary said if it was 6 in the morning he would have gone on a lot longer with that.
Jon said he and Gary were looking forward to hearing Valerie Harper today. Gary said they grew up watching her on TV. Gary said that in the top 100 episodes of all time the Chuckles the Clown dies episode is listed in the top 100. That was the Mary Tyler Moore show. Jon said so many famous people came out of that show. Gary said that Betty White played a slut on the show. He said JD was shocked when he heard that. That was 50 years ago though. Gary said that they showed a clip from the Mary Tyler Moore show on a news segment when they were talking about the disparity in salaries between men and women. He said that it was a funny bit from the Mary Tyler Moore show.
Gary and Jon talked about the 52 million people who watched the wedding on Rhoda. Jon said those were really huge numbers back then. They also talked about her $700 a week and how they had manipulated the audience into liking Rhoda. They were talking about how many standards they set on that show and how so many other shows followed it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he mentioned Ted Knight in that role. He said he was in Caddyshack after Mary Tyler Moore. He said that he was great in both. He said that he's only 31 but he watched on Nick at Night. Gary said he was such a great character. He said he was so two faced and he said the dumbest shit. Jon said he was great in Too Close for Comfort too. Gary said he's in the movie Psycho too. He said that Ted is the cop outside the room when they take Norman in.
Jon asked if Valerie was smart to wait 4 years for her spin off. Gary said that Mary's show was a hit so why jump off of it? He said that she was smart to wait. Gary said once you're the lead the spotlight is on you so just go with the other show for a bit.
Jon asked if Gary thought she looked good today. Gary said Valerie looked great. He said she's 75 and she looks phenomenal for what she's going through.
Jon asked what you do when you get diagnosed like that. Gary said he would go and do a thing or two that he has always wanted to do. He said he told Shuli about this for the news. He said his family went to the Mediterranean when he was a kid and he would want to go back there. He said he'd take his family there for 10 days or something.
Gary said he heard a story from one of the guys in the office. He said the person got the diagnosis that they were going to die soon but he ended up spending all of his money and lived for 7 years. Gary said that's really depressing.
Benjy said he would fight the hell out of it. Benjy said he always tries to clean his stuff up so he thinks he'd end up going through papers. Gary asked why he would do that. Benjy said that his stuff is in storage now. He said he has like 2 drawers of everything he keeps. He said he has two things of storage that weigh him down. Gary asked what his mother would find if he died tomorrow. Benjy said he doesn't think there's anything that he'd be ashamed of. He said his mother might wonder why he keeps this stuff. Benjy said he hates it. He said he's trying to work with that. Gary said he had a box that he used to move around that said ''important papers'' and he looked through it about 5 years ago. He said he threw it all in a fire pit a little bit at a time.
Benjy asked what else Gary would want to do. Gary said he wants to go the great wall of China. He said he still thinks he'll do that and a couple of other things. Jon said he would want to spend time with his wife and kids if he had 3 months to live. He said he hasn't given it a lot of thought actually.
Benjy said Howard loves life but he still comes to work and hates being there. Gary said you hear that story about the guy who works for years and years. Then he retires and 2 months later he dies. Gary said sometimes working is a lifeline. It gives you a reason to get out of bed every day. They went to break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie who he was into on the Mary Tyler Moore show. Ronnie didn't have a lot to add so Jon just moved on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Valerie actually gave a word to Gary to give Howard. Gary said she did. He said that he wrote it down and gave it to Howard. The caller asked if it was a Yiddish word. Gary said he's not saying a thing. The caller asked if they know what Bitcoin is. Gary said he doesn't know much about it but he didn't want to get into it now.
Jon asked Gary if he believes there is a word that Valerie could pass on to Howard through a psychic. Gary said no but he thinks it's fun anyway. Benjy said it would suck if she does pass away and then she tries to pass it through Gary. He said they wouldn't know how to prove that Gary is telling the truth.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about that. Ronnie said when you're dead you're dead and that's it. He said when you're gone that's it. Ronnie said no one is coming back as someone else. He said he doesn't believe that when you're dead that you'll come back as anything or anyone else.
Gary said he's with Ronnie but he will watch any movie where it happens. He said he likes the idea of it. Gary said he saw a movie where Matthew Modine comes back as a dog. He said that was really good. He said he saw a Reese Witherspoon movie where she comes back into a guy's life. He said the fantasy seems amazing but he doesn't think it can happen.
Jon said he wanted to get off of that and back to Valerie. Ronnie asked what Jon thinks about coming back. Jon said he thinks once you're in the ground you're in the ground. He said he doesn't think you come back. Gary said that Valerie said your energy goes somewhere. Ronnie said it goes into the ground. He said everything is just gone, dude. He said you're gone and just get used to it.
Gary said that he thinks Valerie and her husband were fine before this whole thing happened and that came into play when she found out the news. He said Valerie said that she has done everything she wanted to in her life but she's not ready to go. Benjy said she seems to happy in her life and he would love to be that way. He said she always seems like she has this nice energy. Jon said he is envious of people like that. Benjy said he can't imagine her being bitchy to anyone. He said he'd like to hear from anyone who has been treated like shit by Valerie.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie why he's so nasty. Ronnie said he was asked a question and he answered it. The caller told him to listen to the tape because he sounds like an old, cranky, grandmother. Ronnie told the caller to go listen to himself because he sounds cranky too. The caller said Ronnie is making him cranky. Ronnie said he's cranky a lot of the time. He said Stephanie would tell him that. Benjy asked if he feels cranky. Ronnie said he is very moody. He said he could be happy in 5 minutes from now but when he gets in the car he may be the worst bitch in the world. He said he can't stand driving in the city anymore. Jon said that's what he does for a living though. Ronnie said he's trying to do it as little as he can right now.
Benjy asked if Ronnie could retire. Ronnie said he can't. Benjy thought his house was paid off. Ronnie said he had to re-mortgage it when he got divorced. He can't retire yet. Gary said he doesn't think he and Fred could either.
Benjy asked if Ronnie is still in therapy. Ronnie said he is in every week. He said it's basically topics of shit that's going on in his life constantly. Gary asked if he thinks he'll ever graduate. Ronnie said he'll do that on his own. He said he's not waiting for some guy to tell him he's okay because that will never happen. Gary said he was able to graduate. He said he got through his issue. He said he goes back once in a while. He hasn't been to the guy in about 4 years now though.
Benjy said he started going in the last 6 months or so and it's great. He said he would do it every day if he could afford it. He said he thinks you can get better and better in your life. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Benjy said he thinks that the guy was just asking if he really wants his show associated with this. Gary said that he was saying that as if putting the guy on was a bad idea. Benjy said that Gary goes through that dilemma sometimes. He said that he wonders if there is value there to bring this evilness on the show. Gary said they had that guy on the show because he was in the news for running ads that stations weren't able to turn down. He said it was big news and they were interested in finding out what he had to say about those ads.
Jon said Howard was talking about how he wasn't friends with anyone at WNBC and he was making everyone his enemy. He said he called himself an ass for the way he acted back then. Jon asked Gary about being around that Howard back then. Gary said that he was a soldier for Howard. He said they had an enemy a day. He said it was exciting for him. Gary said they were the outsiders and they were going to show them. Gary said as he gets older he wonders why he held a grudge against someone. He said it's so not worth it.
Jon said Howard didn't want to be friends with anyone. He said now he's more open to people. He said that's a big contrast to what he was back then. Ronnie said Howard had friends. He said he used to go out with Neil all the time. He said that they'd go to record stores and go out and do things. He said he wasn't friends with people at work though. Jon said that would have messed with his focus.
Gary said Howard was so driven that you could get a call at any time on the weekend to do all sorts of work. He said that never bothered him because no one worked harder than Howard. He said Howard had been up for hours working before he called him. He said you can't get mad at someone who is working that hard.
Jon took a call from a guy who said their show is like a sitcom itself. He said they are hysterical. The caller asked if anyone there is on any medication. He said about a year and a half ago he sat down with someone who asked if he had tried to go on something. He said that it does allow you to focus better. He said he thought about Ronnie and how he might need medication. The caller said he's on something that has settled him down. Jon asked Ronnie if he has considered it. Ronnie said he doesn't want to take any drugs. He doesn't take anything now. Gary asked if he could level himself off would he do it. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't want to be bothered. He said he'd be fake if he was on medication. He said he has smoked pot and had a bad experience with it so he hasn't touched it again. He said it wasn't all that long ago really.
Jon said he doesn't think he would be himself either. He said that's a juvenile attitude though. He said he gets that. Gary said he's torn on it. He said that he doesn't think that you should have to take pills to fix things that you can fix without them. Jon said with that they'll end the Wrap Up Show. He had the guys get in their plugs. They were done around 11:00am.
Gary asked Bill about when he was a fan of the show. Bill said it was in the mid 80s. He said that the show is very inspiring. He said Howard used to talk about how he got from here to there. He said he always made him think he could drive to L.A. and he'd be okay.
Jon said they'll talk to Bill and talk about the segments they replayed this morning. Jon mentioned Damon Feldman's call to the show and how they were trying to find someone to box with Tan Mom.
Jon asked Bill what he thinks about being in show business now. Bill said that anyone who writes jokes and complains about it, you should be able to read through the radio and choke. He said he thinks it's fantastic.
Jon said that Surviving Jack is great and he thinks that everyone should support him and watch the show. Gary said that Bill and his wife, Christa Miller, love the show and they deserve it. Bill said Christa loves the show. He said that she's asleep right now so she won't be coming down.
Jon asked Bill about listening to Howard back in the day and how it was like a small club. He said now there's more of an acceptance of him. Bill said he loves how Howard softened a bit as he got older. He said the show has a new feel to it. He said he feels like it's easier for people to come into the show now. He said it's different than it was back in the day. He said there were more haters back then. He said the tone has changed a bit.
Gary said he was talking to Valerie Harper yesterday and she was talking about how her friends told her how bad it would be. She quoted some things he said like 30 years ago and Gary told her that was a really long time ago and he's changed since then.
Bill said he thinks Howard has evolved. He said the guys that stand the test of time change. He said you can't do the same show for 100 years. Bill said what he's doing is different and he feels like he has aged with the show.
Jon asked Bill about the Letterman thing and what he thinks about that. Bill said he hates what people are saying already about something that's not even happening for a year and a half. He said they're bad mouthing his show and it hasn't even been conceived yet.
Gary said that James Cameron had a quote once about how telling someone their movie sucks before they've seen it is like telling a pregnant lady that her child is going to be ugly.
Jon said he thinks that Colbert will be fine but he's following Dave and that's going to be tough. Bill said that Dave has always done his own thing. He said that Colbert was on Spin City when he was working on that. He said he thinks that he'll be fine.
Jon said that people are time shifting and they can watch a show the day after. Bill said that you have to adapt to that. He said that the powers that be out there in Hollywood have to realize that. He said more people are watching TV than ever.
Gary said that some shows take time to build. He said that Dave's show was a slow build. He said he's not sure if CBS will give him time. Jon said he thinks they will because Dave is already at number 3. Gary said what sucks for Dave is that he'll probably go out number 1. He said that will be weird for him. Jon agreed.
Benjy asked when they won't have to worry what time their show airs. Bill said that one of the things that you find is that fans don't know when the show is on. Bill said his show is on Thursdays at 9 on FOX. He said that the Nielson ratings still count these days. He said he watches TV voraciously and he hasn't seen a commercial in years.
Gary said he loves The Good Wife. He said that he TiVos that and gives it two hours. He said that he hasn't watched that show on a Sunday night in a year.
Jon said that when they went to the replays that was a big deal. He said that they wondered if that made it less special. Gary said it was a huge discussion. He said that for a lot of fans it was life changing. Bill said it was a huge difference for him. Gary said he knows that it was a huge change for a lot of fans.
Bill said that they used to play SportsCenter all the time and he used to catch the same show over and over and his wife would see that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the celebrity boxing thing. He asked if Ronnie would do that and if he would kill someone if he did. Gary asked who he would box. The caller said maybe he could box that guy who used to be on Cash Cab (Ben Bailey). He said it would be a limo driver vs. a cab driver. Jon said he thinks his entrance into the ring would take forever. Gary said he'd have the gaudiest robe in the world too.
Jon said that they brought Ronnie into Cougar Town. Bill said he was actually good. He said he was professional too. Bill said they knew who they were hiring too though. He said Ronnie was funny though.
Jon asked Bill what he thinks about Ronnie's TV show offer from Howie Mandel. Bill laughed and said he will believe that when he sees it.
Jon asked where Ronnie ranks in the celebrity world. Bill said he thinks he'd be a C-lister. Gary said he's like on the Real Housewives level. Jon said if he was on one of those shows he'd watch that immediately. Bill said he would too.
Jon took another call from a guy who tanked them all for being there for him. He said he's a recovering alcoholic and the show has been there for him for a long time. He asked Gary how he deals with Howard's stuff. He said he listened to the show back in the day and he wonders how he deals with his B.S. sometimes. The caller said he doesn't know how he does it. Gary said it's like any other relationship. He said he's been with him for a long time. He said the relationship grew. Jon asked if it really grew. He said he gets picked on less but then it can be like it was 30 years ago. Gary said they have a trust and knowledge of each other that's different than it was 30 years ago. Bill said he looks at them like a couple and he can tell they love each other.
Jon asked Bill if it's like the king coming to town when Howard goes out to L.A. Bill said he loved the parties that Jimmy had. He said that it will be interesting to see him going out there more and more. He said he seems kind of tied in with Jimmy and having to bounce around more and more. He said there is a buzz out there when he goes out. Gary said Howard is insanely booked up out there this time. He may not have time to do much out there.
Jon asked Gary if he's going to bear the brunt of Howard's frustration when they come back from vacation. Gary said they come back to the Billy Joel special and he doesn't think he'll get anything there. He said maybe on that Tuesday he will. Bill said that he's blown away that Howard is working as much as he is at this point in his career.
Gary asked Bill about why he continues to do his stuff because he has so many hits. Bill said he enjoys it. He said you have a short shelf life too so he wants to get it done while he can. He said his wife would like him to get out of the house too. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked what the Golden Globes were like back then. Bill said that was a long time ago and he was only 26 at the time. He said he had created Spin City around then. He said that he had someone come up to him and tell him he had nice eyes. He said his date, Christa Miller, asked what he was doing talking to Madonna.
Jon asked Bill about the birthday party and Bill said that Gary really killed it with the production. Gary said everyone checked their egos at the door. He said no one was throwing their weight around at all. He said they were all there for Howard.
Jon said they did a rehearsal and they forgot that everyone is a pro and they knew what they were doing. He said it ended up being very special.
Gary said after the show was done they all took their headphones off and looked at each other like ''Did that just happen?'' He said it was a really good moment.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Bill about working with David Arquette and if he was insane to work with. Bill said no. He said that David is very professional when he shows up for a gig. He said there's also another side to his personality. He said Courteney and David came to a party and they had rafters in the ceiling at this place. He said he looked up in the rafters and saw David climbing around like Spider-Man. He said it was pretty interesting.
Jon asked if Christa was always friendly with Courteney. Bill said that she was shooting the Drew Carey show on the same lot as Friends did. He said that they were friends there. Bill said that Courteney actually came and worked with them to see what it would be like working with them. Gary said he remembers Christa coming on the show with Drew Carey once. Gary said she had the look in her eye that showed she was a real fucking fan. He said that was a very long time ago. Bill said that appearance is why he's married to Christa. He said he didn't know her personally at the time. He said that Christa and Drew made some jokes about the guy she was dating at the time and they ended up breaking up over that. He said he swooped right in and started dating her after that. He said they did him a huge solid there. Jon said the Howard Stern Show is always giving. They had to take another break after that.
Gary asked if he agreed with him that Tracy says he gets upset when people ask him if he's the same guy. Jon said he thinks that the difference is that if you think that's all he is. Gary said he thinks when someone plays something so good that there's got to be a piece of them in there. He said that's why he can't look at Mary Tyler Moore the same after she did that movie ''Ordinary People''. He said he feels like there has to be a little bit of that character in her.
Jon said that he thinks that's why John Cusack works so well. He said he must have a little bit of that in him. Jon said that back in the say you didn't get to see these people in reality. He said now you see them do an interview and you want them to be that person you see on TV.
Jon and Bill talked about people in show business that turn out to be good people. Bill said that Michael J. Fox turned out to be a great guy and that was great. He said if he turned out to be a jackass it would have ruined it for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the comfort level that Tracy has almost makes it feel like Howard almost stepped on Tracy's riff. He also asked if there is any question that they shouldn't bring Tracy back every day. Gary said he thought Howard did a great job with Tracy. He said the hardest part for Howard is keeping Tracy on the tracks. He said he's trying to keep it moving forward. Jon said that's what you love about Tracy though. He said you love it when he goes off the tracks.
Bill said he wants to get down to another level with Tracy where he gets into some deep shit. He said he knows it's there. Gary said he has seen Tracy interviewed about his dad and coming back from Vietnam. He said he gets really serious and really interesting. Jon said even the stuff about his mother is great. Gary said that he seemed like he didn't want to talk about his mom.
Benjy said he saw Tracy in an interview take off his shirt and start rubbing his stomach. Jon said he thinks that the more Tracy comes in the more serious he'll get. Benjy said he spoke to Tracy on the street and he got really serious. He said he wasn't the joking guy that he usually is when he went up to him and said he was in his life. He said he thinks he puts on a character. Gary said he thinks Tracy was scared of this stranger coming up to him like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scrubs is one of his favorite sitcoms of all time. He said that Dr. Cox hated Hugh Jackman and he wonders if there's a story there. Bill said they wanted him to hate someone for no reason and they tried to pick someone who was the least bit hateful. He said they picked Hugh Jackman. He said they don't do that stuff anymore because they heard his kid got crap for that from his classmates. Gary said when they wrote that the guy probably didn't have kids. Bill said he knows but it bothers him because of how nice and talented Hugh Jackman really is.
Jon took a call from Christa Miller who said when she came in with Drew Carey it was really early. She said she put on a mini skirt and boots and Gary poked his head in and told Howard how cute she was. She said it's because of Gary that she got in there. She said that he did her a solid. Gary said she is a super fan too. Christa said that she and Natalie Maines hike together and they break down the show with each other. Christa said she wanted to let Bill have his time on the show. She said she was going to let him go.
Jon asked Christa how she feels Ronnie does when it comes to getting women on the show. Christa said that he is with the stripper look. She said that if she came with someone now on the show she'd be smart and wear a mini skirt in a classy way. Gary said there is a hot look that's not a stripper look. Christa said she doesn't think Ronnie knows that look but she loves Ronnie.
Jon let Christa go and Gary asked Bill what show they have coming up. Bill said they have one coming up in May called Undateable.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Nicole Bass and how they think she's doing. Gary said they used to have a great relationship with her. He said some bad things happened in her life and she was out of their lives for a while. Gary said it's kind of up to the Wack Packers to keep their star burning. He said that she's really mad that she's not treated the same. Gary said you have to earn that spot on the show though. Jon said that Jeff the Drunk has that sense of entitlement. He said that he might be pushing a little too hard. Gary said that he's not sure what the key is. He said it just happens. He said he's not sure what to tell them to do.
Jon said Hanzi feels a sense of entitlement too. Gary said that's a whole other issue. He said that Jeff won't go work. Hanzi is looking for work.
Jon said he was going to wrap this show up. Bill got in some plugs for Surviving Jack and for Undateable. Jack is on tonight on FOX and Undateable is coming up in May on NBC. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:05am.
Gary said he's almost like a stalker now. He said he tried to get into the Hall of Fame induction when Bruce was inducted. He said he got in and he was asked to sit closer than he had seats for. He said he got to sit at Springsteen's family table. He said Bruce came in at one point and sat across from him. He said he sat and saw him editing his speech. Gary said he just sat and behaved there at the table. He said that was very exciting for him. Gary said when he was sitting there he dedicated the award to his mother. That led to the award being passed around the table. He said he asked to look at it and Bruce's mother gave it to him to look at. Gary said he was also at Clarence's last show and Danny Federici's last show. He said he's a big fan of the band.
Jon asked how Gary's behavior is different than Sal's. Gary said he doesn't go in looking to sit up front. He said he doesn't go to places where he clearly doesn't belong like Sal does. He said he doesn't put on a uniform and pretend to be someone else like Sal has.
Jon asked JD if he would do anything like that. JD said he'll sit back and wait to see if he can. He said if someone like Jay Z is on the show he might get a picture signed. He said he would like to see them in the studio but he just hangs back and waits usually.
Gary said he wants to point out that he has been very lucky to be in proximity. He said that lucky things have happened. He said he just lucked out with the Bruce thing. He said he didn't go looking to find Bruce.
Jon said the other reason it was a big night was because Questlove mentioned Gary in his speech. Gary said that he has always liked Hall & Oates and he used to fight to get them on the show. He said that he was psyched for Daryl when he finally got on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he called a while back and said Benjy shouldn't be so proud of being in Sharknado 2 because Sharknado was such a flop. Gary said that it wasn't a flop. He said it did very well and it was made for a little bit of money. The caller said he is a new listener to the show. He said he offended Mark McGrath by doing that. Gary said Mark had called him and said that he was offended when he called and said he shouldn't take that guy's calls. JD said he's going to feel the Mark McGRATH from him.
The caller said he has come up with some dos and don'ts for the show. He said he started listening after hearing some of the Tradio calls that Sal and Richard do. He said there are some things that you shouldn't say when you call in. Jon said he can call in and say what he wants to say. He said he can love or hate something. He said they may disagree but there are no rules when it comes to that on this show. Jon said he wants a definitive answer when someone calls in.
Gary said you should have a good phone line, which this guy doesn't. He said you should get to your point and be definitive in your point. He said don't ask if you're on the air or things like that. Jon said he has your name and city on the screen so they don't need to mention where they're from. The caller, Joe, said he thinks that helps. Gary said he likes that the guy started listening from the Tradio calls on the internet.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems like Howard was getting frustrated with Valerie complimenting him so much. Gary said he doesn't think that's the case. He said he doesn't think he was frustrated. He said when the interview needed they all agreed that she was a great guest. Gary said Howard doesn't really handle compliments very well.
Jon asked JD what he thought. JD said he wasn't listening to what the guy said. He said he thought Valerie Harper was hot though. Jon said JD was distracted when he saw Wendy Williams walking down the hall. He was concentrating on one body part on her.
Jon asked JD if he thinks Howard can handle compliments. JD said he can sometimes. He said there are times that he only wants compliments. Gary said he thinks that he feels like he can't handle it at times when someone goes on and on about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he is obsessed with Cat Stevens and he wonders where Robin's hate comes from. Jon said Gary said that a lot of women don't seem to like him. Gary said his wife can't hit the button fast enough when she hears him. Gary said he loves Cat Stevens though. He said he was a highlight of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Gary said he hadn't heard him in 30 some years but he was funny and intelligent and just good at the Hall of Fame.
Jon said his wife is indifferent of him. He said that Howard loves Cat Stevens and he thinks it's great that he's kind of had this renaissance. Gary said he's such a fan that he thinks Fine People is a great song.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks Cat Stevens is chick music and women love his music. She said that he was on 60 Minutes and he said that he made his comments about America when he was learning about the Koran. She said he was misunderstood and misrepresented when he spoke. Jon said he can't say anything either way on that. The caller said he has come around and he has started doing children's music now. She said she really thinks women love his music though.
Jon said he's not sure where Robin's dislike comes from. He said he thinks he's one of the greats though. Gary said Howard can't stand Steely Dan so it's just an opinion. Gary said that when he thinks of the song Funkytown he thinks of a girl who put it on like 50 times in a row. He said the bartender there jumped over the bar and pulled the plug out of the wall.
Jon said he loves Van Morrison but he had a roommate that played one of their songs over and over. He said he made him not like Van Morrison because he heard it so much.
Jon asked JD if he ever had a roommate like that. JD said that he didn't but there were people in his building who played music over and over and over. Jon asked if he ever played songs over and over again. JD said he would do that on the subway when he was riding it.
Jon said he used to play Dark Side of the Moon over and over. JD said he had a bunch of songs he used to do that with.
Gary said he has two copies of Born to Run in vinyl. He said he wore one out from playing it so much. Richard came in and said he loved Bon Jovi's Livin' on a Prayer and he used to play that over and over. He said he made himself sick hearing it.
Richard told a story about how he used to go to a Pizza Hut buffet with his band. He said they had a CD by a band Nitro and the album was called Outfuckingrageous and they'd play that song over and over and over. He said church would let out and they'd fill the place. He said they had to unplug the jukebox at some point. He said the guy in the band would scream for like a minute and people would think that it was a cay dying or something. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Gary asked if this is a breakfast thing. Richard said it's like 11am to 4 or 5 in the afternoon. Jon asked if JD goes. JD said he has gone. He said he gets whatever when he goes. He said he'll try all kinds of pizza. Richard said you want to get your money's worth so you eat as much as you can. Richard said he would just sit there for a couple of hours sometimes. He said that he'd bring the Sunday paper and read it there. He said he'd drink like two pitchers of soda. Gary asked if there was a limit on how much you could eat. Richard said not at that time. Jon said there are other buffets and that's one of America's greatest inventions.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was listening to Riley Martin and someone called in and told Riley to give a shout out to the Blumpkin festival in Florida. He said Riley did it. The caller told Gary he's his favorite on the show. He asked if he feels that Howard would be as famous as he is without Robin or his other guys there. Gary said he thinks he would have great success but they really don't know. He said he feels the chemistry is just right and it has propelled him even further.
Gary said he was watching the Letterman interview with Howard and Dave said something very nice about the 110 people who helped put that show together. He said that it does take a lot of people but Howard is the main guy there.
Jon said Howard needs Robin there. He said they have something very magical there. He said people need to hear her there with Howard. Jon said Howard doesn't feel right without her being there. Jon said when Robin was out he could hear that. He said when she came back it was like she was never gone.
Gary said there is a big difference when Robin isn't there. He said in the early days when Robin wasn't there it was like a different show. He said Robin keeps some sort of decorum there. Gary said it's a balance and when it's gone it's weird.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a radio guy and he wanted to weigh in on the Michael Savage (Wiener) conversation. He said he listens to the show before he goes to work. He said he has listened since Howard was cut off in Cleveland and he remembers sneaking in to see Private Parts. The caller said he thinks the show is amazing and Gary kind of hit on it a minute ago. He said what amazes him is that the show sounds seamless. He said being in radio he knows how hard it is to do that. He said to make it sound that way there is a lot of work there. He asked how many hours they work in a week. Gary said that's a good question. Richard said the caller has a great voice for radio. Gary said working there is really a culture. He said he works on booking guests and work on the Billy Joel show and all of that. He said he'll finish around 5 or 6 tonight but he'll be checking his email all weekend and taking calls too. He said you're always working on the show. Jon agreed. He said they all work 24/7. Jon said if you see something on TV at night you will pass it along to the show.
Jon said they're all in communication with each other too. He said it never ends. He said he thinks a lot of that comes from Howard. He said Howard is always thinking about the show and he wants them thinking about it too. Gary said you can't say you don't want to do something on the weekend. He said they're not slave drivers but there are always important things happening with the show. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
Jon picked up on Sour Shoes and asked where he was in the impressions contest. Sour just played a Stryper song for Richard. Richard said he had a normal conversation with Sour the other day. He said he started playing a White Lion song for him. He said he had a nice 10 minute conversation with him about the bands. Sour did his Gary impression and introduced the White Lion song.
Jon asked about the impressions contest. Sour said he did enter the contest. He said that Scott the Engineer told him to say he wasn't going to enter until the money was at ''Noine dollars.'' Gary asked if he did enter the contest. Sour said he did but he just got email and he isn't sure if he did it right. Gary said he thinks they got one from him and the audio was so unclear that it just wasn't very good. Sour played what he sent in and it was him doing an AM DJ. Jon said he does such great impressions so it's too bad that he wasn't able to get in. Sour said he is just getting into the transfer of the cassettes to MP3s.
Gary said he'd like Sour to do his best impression for them. Sour played a tape of him doing an impression of Rosie O'Donnell. Jon said he thinks that he needs some direction for who to do the voices of. Gary said he is a genius who needs to be corralled correctly. He said he can do impressions in his sleep but he needs some direction.
Jon asked Sour to play them out with something good there. Sour did his Mad Dog and Ferrell impressions for them as he was leaving.
Jon said Sour is so talented and he just can't pull it together for that. He said he's glad he got his phone privileges back though. Sour had mentioned earlier that he had lost them because the phone bills were so high. Richard said he has a flat rate with his phone line. He said he's not sure why it would be so high. Jon said they may need some billing advice. JD said maybe that's just what they told Sour to get him to stop.
Jon said that he heard that Sal was the leader of the Beastie Revolution back in the day and he thought that was thousands of people but it was really just Sal and one other guy. Jon asked about Richard growing up right near where that shooting went down with Miller. Richard said he felt really bad about that.
Gary said when they first played Daniel Carver's voice mails they wanted to use him for something on the TV show. He said he was scared of the guy until he met him in person. He said he's a short, shlubby guy and it completely diffused the situation when he met him.
Benjy said Daniel was a likeable guy other than that message of hate he had. He said that it reminds him of The Sopranos and how you love Tony but hate what he does. He said you can be hateful but still likeable. Gary said he thinks that the writer of that article should have dug a little deeper.
Jon said he was going to end the show. Richard mentioned that his wife is going to be running in the Boston marathon this weekend. The guys got in some plugs and they ended the show around 11:00am.