|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how there was no George Takei today. He said people really love that guy. He said the fans seem to love him even more than him and Robin. Howard read through some of that email and the fans were talking about how they tune in just to hear George tell his stories. Howard read one where the writer talked about how he's more accepting of the lifestyle because of George.
Howard said most of the writers started off with how they're not homosexual or homophobic. Howard read through a bunch more and people were giving kudos to George for being such a great guest on the show. People were asking for George to be a regular on the show. Fred said that the email was all positive about George.
Howard said some people liked that guy who wrote the book ''From a White to a Negro'' that they had on last week. Howard read some of that email and one guy said that they don't know the reality of what that guy wrote about.
Howard said that there were some people who got pissed at him for clearing the hallways there. He read through some of those and people were going off on him for doing that. Howard read some where they told him that he is a Prima Donna. He said he doesn't want the halls full of people when people are supposed to be working out there.
Howard read an email where someone told him that he's getting so out of hand that he's a whole hour of the show talking about his own stuff. Howard said he wasn't able to read the whole email because the edges were clipped off.
Howard said they think that there should be mass chaos after the show around there. Howard said maybe it should be chaos and people should party in the halls with nothing to do. Robin said they might not be doing anything when they're hiding. Howard said maybe they do and maybe there's nothing going on there.
Howard and Robin talked about the way people clear the halls there like cockroaches scrambling when the lights come on. Robin said that they do gather in the hall outside the studio and she has a tough time getting to the bathroom when they take a break.
Howard said he hears stories about what's going on out there and there is work to be done. He said he keeps hiring more people to do work but they still have time to stand in the halls. Howard said he could use their help if they have time to stand out in the hall.
Howard said he's not sure why people look at him as a tyrant when he wants people to do some work. He said he's got work for them to do and he doesn't need them standing around doing nothing. He said he doesn't want the nonsense talk after the show.
Howard said he got some positive feedback about the woman who was eating ass porn clip they played last week. He said it might be too early for that to be played but he played it anyway. It was a clip with a woman begging this guy Spoony to give her his ass and asking him to bounce his ass on her tongue.
Howard said he wishes a chick would be that enthusiastic just kissing him. He said this is a fantasy though and that doesn't exist in real life. Howard said it's not a documentary. Howard said a lot of people liked that clip.
Robin was wondering how long the affair had gone on. Howard said it was going on right up until Tiger got busted by his wife.
Robin said that Tiger Woods' kindergarten teacher was dragged out by Gloria Allred because Tiger had claimed that he was treated poorly by her. The teacher claims that the story Tiger was telling about the way he was treated in school wasn't true. Howard said the teacher says that if it had happened it would have been a big story. The teacher is claiming it never happened at all.
Howard said the teacher must have figured that it was a good time to come out and tell this story since it shows that he's a liar.
Howard said that Joslyn James will be coming in today to talk about her affair with Tiger. He played a clip from one of her porn movies. Howard said she'll be there but he's not sure why she wasn't part of the Mistress Beauty Pageant.
JD came in and told Howard what the plot of the scene was in the porn clip. He told Howard what that was and how she was at a high school rave and the kids were blackmailing her since she was a teacher who wasn't supposed to be with the boys in her class. Howard played the rest of that clip.
Howard said he read that Sandra might not be able to get over the incredible sex they were having together. He said he feels bad for Sandra because she waited a long time to get married. He said she seems like a nice lady and now there are all of these stories coming out. He said he feels bad because she's one of those bright women who waited to get married in her life.
Howard said they claim that she may have known about the Nazi stuff that Jesse was into. He said he's not sure what to believe after reading all of this stuff.
Robin said Sandra can't even go out and do an interview right now. She said she can't go out to her movie premieres over in Europe.
Howard said that they're making a big deal out of this SNL hosting thing but that's not even what he was talking about and they'll have to see what happens in 10 years.
Howard said that it was funny when he went on David Letterman's show and talked about OJ and Dave blasted him for joking about murder. Howard said Dave was doing jokes about it a week later. He said that's what could happen with this Gabby story. He said no one is making fun of it right now but in a week they could be.
Howard played a news report where they talked about Gabourey getting that hosting gig and they brought up Howard's claims that she would never work again. He had a couple of reports like that. Howard said he wants her to work, he was just predicting what's going to happen with her career. Howard said he's not sure how he got into this enemy role. He said he was just voicing his opinion.
Howard said he was telling Adam how weird this whole thing has been. He said he's just saying what other people are thinking. He doesn't get why the hosts of these shows think there have been a lot of roles in movies for these fat women.
Howard said he has 8 more months of this nonsense and he's out of there. Howard said he's sick of these reports. He said he's changing his name when he gets out of there.
Howard said that one reporter was comparing Gabby to Sarah Palin in the report but that's not the same thing. He said that if Gabby was going to do something similar she would come on his show, not SNL.
Gary told Howard he didn't have any clips of Pete doing that impression but Pete was there. Howard had Pete come in and do the impression some more. Pete came in and did his impression. Howard tried to have a discussion with him as George. Pete was saying that he and Brad went out and he took it up the ass. Howard said that was a dead on impression.
Robin asked if he considers the person he's doing the impression of. Pete said he studies them. Robin said that he might have a major career with those impressions. Pete said he will figure them out as the people come up.
Howard asked Pete if he does impressions of anyone else. Pete said he just does George right now. Howard asked if he's dying his hair now too. Pete said he is. Howard said it looked good. Pete said it's a spring/summer thing.
Howard got back to Pete's impression and spoke to him as George some more. Pete was talking about growing up in the Japanese Internment camps. Pete tried to have the discussion with Howard but he didn't seem to know George very well. Howard told Robin that impression was dead on. Robin laughed and said ''Oh my god...''
Howard said he could listen to this for four hours. He kept Pete talking as George and saying things that George would never say. Howard asked Pete about masturbating in the shower and Pete was talking about looking down at his shaft and turning himself on.
Howard told Pete that George laughs a lot so he should try throwing that in there. Pete said that he has to work on that. Fred said he likes this impression but not for the reasons that they'd think. He said that Pete's impression is like Steven Wright doing a George Takei impression. Pete was too serious while doing the impression according to Howard.
Howard congratulated Pete on this winning bit he had worked out. Howard asked what he's working on now. Pete said he's thinking about something else but he doesn't have anything off the top of his head. Howard told him he should work on Shuli or maybe JD. Pete did a little bit of JD. He tried that one out on Howard and Howard seemed to like that. He spoke to Pete as if he were JD. Pete was saying ''I dunno'' and ''whatever'' a lot. Pete said he had his laugh down the other day. He did an impression of that for a minute. Fred played the audio clip of JD's laugh and Pete had to do it every time he heard the clip because of his OCD.
Howard said Pete has George Takei and JD impressions. He wondered what kind of bit he could do with that. Howard heard he does a Ronnie impression too. Pete said he does that too so he did that impression a little bit. Robin said that they might have something going now. Howard spoke to Pete as Ronnie for a short time. Robin asked what he would need for a whole act. Pete said maybe 4 or 5.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought George was back on the show this week. It was actually Sal goofing around on the phone.
Howard said that was good for Pete that he had this one man show to put on. He said he had no idea he had any talent like that. He asked Pete, as Ronnie, about dying his beard. Pete did his awful impression and Howard kept him going for a short time. Pete had the anger down pretty good. He was very argumentative with Howard and he'd freak out over the littlest things like Ronnie would do. He didn't sound anything like him though. It was getting better and better the more he did it though.
Howard was getting Pete all riled up like he'd do with the real Ronnie. Howard said his Ronnie impression is better than his George Takei. He said they might have to do an animated special where they have him playing all of the characters. Howard said he has 3 good impressions.
Howard had Pete do his JD impression some more. He was asking him about how he's going to pick up chicks and stuff and Pete would just say ''I dunno'' and ''whatever.'' Howard said no one out there knew Pete had that in him. He said he's got some talent there.
Fred said he thinks that Ronnie would lose it if they did a dueling Ronnie's thing. Howard asked Pete where he's going to be appearing. He said he might be going out to do a show with Shuli soon but he can't confirm that yet.
Howard had Pete do his Ronnie ''Lets fuck some whores!'' line. Pete did that and then played the actual clip of Ronnie doing it. Howard said it was almost perfect. Howard let him go after that. He said he would go see a show with him doing those impressions. He said maybe Shuli can help him work up a routine.
Howard asked Robin how infrequent her doodies are. Robin said she only eats vegetables and it's not that much so she doesn't go that much to begin with.
Robin told Howard about the juices she drinks and showed him what they looked like. They're all green. Howard said it's such a horrible thing to put yourself through. Howard checked out this stuff that Robin was drinking and read about what was in it. He asked if it tasted good. Robin said some taste ''green'' but there are some that are pretty good.
Howard asked Robin when she last had a solid doody. Robin said it was probably 2 days ago. She said that you end up peeing a lot. Robin said the worst thing is watching TV because they have so many food ads. Howard said just watching TV makes him hungry. Robin said she has to turn off the TV because of all of the food ads.
Howard asked Robin if she hopes to drop a lot of weight from this. Robin said she hopes to lose whatever it is she needs to lose.
Howard said he told Gary about the reinstating of Ross in the bathroom and Gary freaked out because it's going to open up a whole can of worms.
Gary told Howard that Shuli asked him about the bathroom privileges back there and they found out that Tim killed the news story about him sneaking into the bathroom. Gary said that Tim sent the list to security and he may have added his name or had someone let him in.
Tim came in and said that he and Howard talked and he put himself on the list. Howard said he and Tim talked and he may have given him permission. Tim said he works back there and he's going 100 miles per hour so he should be on the list.
Howard said they built those studios back there and he's not sure why they need to use that bathroom. They have other bathrooms they can use. Howard asked if it's so terrible to use the other one. Tim said it's not at all. Howard said he heard a story about Tim going back to get some business cards made and they're not going to do it because they took privileges away from them. Howard said that Tim had nothing to do with that. Howard said that they should be blaming him, not Tim.
Howard asked Jason if he thinks that he fucked up letting Ross in. Jason said he did because Ross has been such a baby about the whole thing. Howard said that he's going to have to take it away then. Howard wondered why this is such a big thing. He said that he should have gone to Mel about it because no one would complain if it was Mel who took away the privileges.
Jason said that Ross has stories about why he has to get in there and it's all about status symbols. He said that Ross took him to game 6 of the World Series last year and Ross made him turn around so no one would see how far away from the field they were.
Gary said that Ross will ask where the seats are when you ask him to go to a show and he won't go unless he can get seen on TV. Gary said that Ross almost got thrown out of a building one time because he wasn't allowed into this event and the guard ended up following him around.
Howard said he did fuck up and he can't let Ross back on the list. Gary asked that he please explain that it has nothing to do with him and Jason though. Howard said too many people were using the bathroom and people were shitting on the floor. He said it's a business thing and he's going to ask that all of their friends respect that.
Howard told Gary to have Ross come in there later when he gets there. He said he'll take care of that. That led to them talking about how that bathroom isn't even that nice and people are fighting over it. Gary said his wife brought that up and pointed out that they use it as a storage closet. Gary said they have paintings of Artie squeezing a chick's tits in there so his kids see that kind of thing when they come up there.
Howard asked if his daughter was up there last week. Gary thought that was coming soon but Scott said that she was up there last week. He said he had to let her and her friend into the bathroom there.
Gary said that they gave access to Mel Karmazin and Howard's wife. He said people were actually upset about that. Howard said they have a bathroom upstairs in the executive section and that's where Ross could be going.
Gary said that Ross has a lot of rituals that he does in the bathroom. Gary said he has to floss his teeth and stuff so he asked him what he did before they got there. Gary said Ross told him that he would go to the W hotel to do that kind of stuff. Howard said he's not sure why Ross is making so much doody there. Gary said that he does put in a lot of hours there. Howard said he never goes to the bathroom there himself.
Gary told Howard that Ross is going to be upset today. Howard said he'll take care of it and explain to Ross that he just got weak. Robin said it was wrong of Ross and his wife bringing up that stuff at dinner. Gary said he went behind his back by doing that.
Howard said there were like 5 guys yelling at him for giving Ross access to the bathroom. He said that it was a bad idea and he shouldn't have done it. He said he just fucked up. Howard said he needs strength with everyone and he has to stop doing that. Howard said it wasn't Ross who brought it up though. He said it was his wife.
Howard told the guys to post a picture of the bathroom to show what they're fighting over. Howard said he gets what Ross' problem is though. He said he knows how hard it can be to go to the bathroom in public. He said he didn't realize he was making this mistake this weekend. He said he was trying to be a big shot though. He said he was talking to Ross about this stuff and he just reinstated his bathroom rights.
Howard said he feels like an asshole now. He said he's weak. He said Scott Greenstein is carrying on and throwing his weight around not letting Tim get business cards. Howard said they all want to be in his bathroom. He said it's the weirdest fucking thing. Howard said he can't believe he's threatening Tim with business cards. He said that's like blackmail. He said he got really upset when he heard that. He said that Tim didn't tell him that either. He said that might be reverse anti-Semitism. Howard said everyone is using their clout to get into that bathroom. Robin said they have to show what everyone is fighting over. The bathroom is a dump.
Howard said that Tracey is complaining because there was shit on the floor and she ended up being responsible for cleaning it up.
Howard asked Gary how many people are on the list to use that bathroom. Gary said that they have about 25 people on the list. Howard asked why it was so high. Gary said they have all of the Howard TV guys on the list because they don't know when they're going to be there. Howard said that they should leave some of the people off. He said that Scott DePace has to be on there. Doug Goodstein might not need to be on the list but Gary had a good argument for him to be on the list.
Brian Phelan told them to take his name off the list. He said he doesn't need to use it. Howard said that Brian Phelan is a guy who shits on people's lawns so it doesn't matter to him where he shits. Gary said that Scott DePace is grossed out by the OutQ guys talking about gay sex in the other bathroom. Howard said he can't believe that. Scott told him that he's in there every morning and he hears them talking about gay stuff and it grosses him out.
Howard asked Scott who they talk about. Scott said it's probably guests they have on their show but they joke about it out there in the bathroom.
Howard asked if Sal and Richard really need access to that bathroom. Gary said that they need to hear the show so that's his argument for that. The two of them actually share the bathroom when they piss. Then when they shit they go to the other bathroom and shit next to one another in the stalls. Howard said he hears a lot of weird shit about them.
Howard asked Fred if he's ever heard any gay talk in that other bathroom. Fred said he's been in there a lot and he's never heard anything like that. He said he has seen some of the OutQ guys in there too and they're nothing but polite. Howard said he likes Scott DePace but that's a weird thing. He said the guy is just a weirdo.
Richard came in and Howard told him he was looking horrible. He noticed a sparkly watch he had on too. Richard said it was a gift he got from his fiancee. Howard said it looks like faux gold.
Howard asked Richard what happened to his hair. Richard said he hasn't had it cut and he hasn't brushed it. He told Howard he got to see Cousin Brucie's penis out in the other bathroom. He said that he was shaking his penis out in the urinal and it was like a lasso. He said it must have been pretty big. Howard did his impression of Brucie talking to Richard out there.
Howard said he heard that Richard was drinking like crazy all weekend. Richard said it was his birthday weekend so of course he was drinking. They spent a minute talking about that before Howard had to go to break.
Howard came back and said that they have a new Howard TV special featuring Mr. Skin counting down the hottest chicks they've had on the show over the years.
Howard said that their special guest, Joslyn James, was there. He said she's a former porn star and he saw that Tiger Woods is holding a press conference. Joslyn is supposed to have one after him. Howard said that she wasn't in their pageant for some reason though.
Howard had Gary bring her in after that. Howard asked if they ever had her on the show before. She said that she met Howard out in Las Vegas at Scores one time but that was it.
Howard asked Joslyn why she wasn't in the pageant. She said she had a family situation so she wasn't able to do it. Howard said he thinks that she could have won.
Howard asked Joslyn if she thinks that some of the mistresses got money to stay quiet. He said he thinks that Rachel Uchitel may have been paid off. Joslyn said she doesn't have any inside information but she's read a lot of lies about herself so it's hard to tell what's real and not real. She said there may have been some kind of pay off but she's not sure how much it was.
Howard said that Joslyn came out with all of her text messages and he's wondering why she did that. Joslyn said that they had a lot of lies about her out there. She said that there was stuff hitting her face and she lost her shit. She said that someone put out golf balls with her face on it and she was a victim of spousal abuse so she lost her shit.
Howard asked Joslyn getting into porn and if she thinks she did that because her boyfriend was beating her. Joslyn said that wasn't it. She said she and her boyfriend got into porn because they were getting paid to do that together when they were doing it for free at home. Howard said Joslyn looks really good and she doesn't look like most porn stars.
Howard said the text messages that Tiger was sending to her were pretty intense. There was a lot of anal talk and stuff. Howard asked how long they dated. She said it was about 3 years. Howard said that's a pretty long time.
Howard and Robin asked where they would go out and see each other and they were seeing each other all over the country. Howard said that some of the girls they had in there were talking about Tiger flying them around in coach and Tiger wouldn't give them any money. Joslyn said she flew coach and she didn't mind it. She said it's not about money for her. She said she can fit in coach just fine.
Howard said it's kind of weird when you date a millionaire and they don't buy you gifts and stuff. He said that it must be a little strange. Joslyn said it is kind of odd. She said that she can see that people would be into him for the money but that's not what it was about for her.
Howard asked Joslyn if she thinks there are other girls that haven't come out. Joslyn said she thinks that there probably are. Howard asked if she's heard from him since all of this came out. She said that she hasn't heard anything since Thanksgiving.
Howard and Robin asked if she ever got anyone else's text messages. She said that she has read some of the other ones that the girls got and he must have been sending out the same stuff to all of them. She said it might have been mass emailing's.
Howard read some of Joslyn's text messages and said that they were pretty intense. Howard read some where Tiger talked about getting rough with her and how he wanted to fuck her in different positions and stuff. Howard asked if Joslyn would get back with him if he came to her. Joslyn said she wouldn't do that.
Howard asked Joslyn if she used rubbers with this guy. She said she didn't and she feels like such an idiot. She said that she got tested after it all broke to make sure she didn't have anything. She said she was terrified about the whole thing.
Joslyn said he didn't talk about birth control at all with her. Howard asked if he pulled out. She said that he came everywhere and it was inside and out. Howard asked if he was worried about getting her pregnant. She said that he must not have cared about anything or anyone. She said you'd think that he'd care. Howard asked if she ever worried that she was going to get pregnant. She said she got pregnant twice with him and she lost one to a miscarriage. She said that she was going to tell Tiger about that one but she lost it before she had a chance. She also had an abortion with the second one.
Joslyn told Howard about how she didn't want to deal with him and a kid so she had the abortion. Howard said that if he was a woman he'd figure out a way to have that baby to get money out of him.
Howard said he was on Joslyn's web site last night but there were no dirty pictures of her up there. Joslyn said that they don't have anything like that up there yet. She said she just had her boobs done so she's working on new stuff. Howard said that she looks really good with the new boobs. Howard said you can find out more about her at SextingJoslynJames.com
Howard said that Joslyn is going to be holding a press conference father Tiger holds one. She said she's unaware of what he's going to say but she wants to be able to have her say. Howard asked if his penis is as big as they say it is. He said that there are conflicting reports. Joslyn said that it's not even about the size, it's about the way he works it. Joslyn said that he works it really good.
Howard asked if Tiger ever went down on her. Joslyn said that she doesn't like that and she didn't let him do that. Joslyn said that she had one guy who was really good at it and that worked for her but most guys are really bad at it so she doesn't like to get it done. She said she had one guy who was amazing with that.
Joslyn said that she likes it when a guy rubs the tip of his dick on her clit. She said she likes it when a guy had definition on his penis. She said that there has to be some definition between the shaft and the head. Howard said he has that. He said it might not be that big but he does have definition.
Howard asked if size matters to her. Joslyn said that it doesn't really matter. She's had all types and some guys know how to use their stuff.
Howard asked Joslyn about Tiger liking anal with her. She said that she enjoyed that a lot. She said that he would go in bareback even doing that.
Howard asked Joslyn how she met Tiger. Joslyn said that she was working at a night club in Las Vegas as a go go dancer. Howard asked what she wore there. She said it was lingerie and go go boots and stuff like that. Howard asked how Tiger met her. She said that she was dancing in this section and some co-workers said that he wanted to meet her. She wasn't in the mood at the time but the girls told her to just go over. She said she wasn't going to be nice so she went over. She said that there are a lot of guys who think they can do whatever they want to and she's not that type of person. Joslyn said that she would give three warnings to guys who were like that.
Joslyn said that Tiger was nice to her and he was joking around and making her laugh so that was what she liked. Howard asked if she had ever been with anyone else famous. She said she has but didn't mention any names.
Howard asked if she went home with him that night. Joslyn said that she went to meet him at the MGM hotel. Howard said that's where all of these girls were talking about hanging out with him.
Joslyn said that Tiger has the gift of gab and he can make you feel important. Howard asked if he blew his load in a second with her or did he last. She said that sometimes he would finish fast but there were other times he didn't.
Howard said that she must have rocked his world. Howard asked if they did anal the first night. She said they did. She said they did it a couple of times that night. Howard said she sounds like a party. He said he can't believe her husband used to hit her. Howard asked if she's tough to get along with. She said she might have her personality issues. Robin asked what that has to do with guys hitting.
Howard asked Joslyn what she's going to do now. She's going out on a dance tour and she'll see what happens. Howard said she must know how to give a lap dance. Joslyn said she does. She said that she left the ad people with a wet stain.
Howard asked Joslyn what her game plan is. He said he knows that she's going to go out dancing but is she going to get back into porn. Joslyn said she wants to do something that's for her own healing and she could end up back in porn but the dancing is where she's happiest.
Howard read that her step-mother is saying that she's lying about some stuff like the pregnancy stuff. Joslyn said that her step-mother never really loved her and they would ask her for money when she was doing that but now they're treating her like this. She said that she has people who really love her out there and that family is great to her. She said that they love her for who she is. She's known these people since she was 7 and she's very lucky to have them in her life. Howard asked if she calls that family mom and dad. She said she does.
Robin said she finds it hard to believe that she didn't know that Tiger was cheating with other women until the accident. She said that she had her suspicions but she really didn't know.
Howard said that Joslyn's birth family has abandoned her and her ex-husband allegedly beat her. She's had a really tough life. Joslyn said she has good people around her though so she's very happy.
Howard asked how long it's been since she had sex. She said it's been 4 months. Howard asked if it was Tiger. She said it was Tiger. Joslyn said that she just masturbates now. Howard asked if she thinks about Tiger when she does that. Joslyn said she doesn't. She said that thinking about how dirty he could have been is what scares her. Howard said that it's good that she didn't have any STDs.
Howard asked Joslyn why she has Gloria Allred representing her. She said that she has a lot of deals and things coming in so Gloria is helping her out with that stuff. Howard told her she should make out with Gloria in the press conference.
Howard asked if Tiger ever hit her. Joslyn said it was only in a sexual way. Howard talked about how weird the whole situation is and how Tiger never mentions any of the girl's names.
Howard told Joslyn that they were listening to one of her movie clips earlier. They talked about the scene they watched and Joslyn told them what position she was in for that scene. She was in a one legged pose that she's apparently known for. Howard played some audio of that scene. Joslyn said she doesn't like listening to herself.
Howard asked if she's ever been nominated for a porn award. She said that she hasn't. Joslyn said that it might be who you blow that leads to getting awards.
Howard told Joslyn that she's hot. He gave her some plugs for her web site and said there's more to come to her site soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought these women were getting money from Tiger. He said that maybe some women got money from him because they could prove they got an abortion or something. Howard said that Joslyn had one and she didn't get any money.
Howard found out that Joslyn sometimes goes by her real name which is Veronica. She said that when you ask about her family she responds as Veronica and not as Joslyn. When she's talking about anal she's Joslyn.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she's into ass to mouth (ATM) or dirty Sanchez. Joslyn said she has done ass to mouth. She said that's when a guy has his dick in your ass and then it goes into your mouth. The caller asked if she tasted anything. She said she didn't because she had given herself an enema. Howard said she sounds like fun.
Howard said that he wouldn't be able to last that long to put it in her ass and then to her mouth. Joslyn said that the guy waits right until the end when he's about to pop. The caller asked if she gags. She said she doesn't. Gary asked if Tiger has kissed her after ass to mouth. She said that he did. Howard said that's like ATMTM.
Howard said some guy would be lucky to get this chick. He asked if she ever got a dirty Sanchez. She said her ass was always clean so there was nothing to put on her face.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that there's a ministry who helped Houston the porn star get her life back together so maybe Joslyn should try that. Howard said he doesn't want her getting help like that.
Captain Janks asked if Joslyn has ever had a snowball. Joslyn said she had never had that either. Howard asked if she was ever asked to do it with Tiger and another guys. She said that never happened.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Joslyn ever asked to piss or shit on her. She said that he did ask to pee on her but there was a stage fright problem so he wasn't able to do it. Joslyn said that she prefers to do that kind of thing in the shower so that's where it would have happened. She said that he wasn't able to do it though.
Gary asked if Tiger ever asked her to do anything to his butt. She said that he did like butt play. She said that he was very tidy back there though. Howard said there had to be an odor back there. She said he was very tidy and there was no smell. She said that she was amazed that there was no smell. She wondered how he did that.
Howard said that this chick is amazing. He said she's an angel for doing all of this stuff for Tiger. Howard said he gets a smell down there after half a day of just sitting around. He said that his balls will start to smell after half a day and even he can smell it.
Howard said he thinks that Joslyn should have been there for the pageant they had. He said that Joslyn could have won that thing. Joslyn said she had things to do with the family that day and she wasn't able to get out of it.
Howard took another call from Jeff the Drunk who asked her to suck his cock so she'd cum. She had mentioned earlier that she could cum from sucking Tiger's cock.
Another caller asked if Tiger had any rituals that he would do regularly. Joslyn said that he did have some ways of doing things. She said that he's very anal. He would clean her up in a way to make sure that she was clean too when they'd shower together.
The caller was telling Joslyn that she should ride the Sybian. She said she loves the Sybian but she was going to be good and not ride it.
Howard asked Joslyn if his name ever came up during sex. Robin asked why that would happen. Howard said that maybe he mentioned her when he was dirty talking to her.
Howard asked what her favorite position was. She was telling Howard about this one position they did and Howard didn't even get what she was saying. Howard asked her for the details of what that would look like. She said that she'd be on her back on her shoulders and he would squat down on her and do her anally with his fingers in her to make her squirt. She said she's pretty sure she taught him a lot doing different positions like that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if her video sales have gone up since all of this came out. Joslyn said they have but she doesn't get more money from that.
Another caller said that this chick should be a sex-ed teacher with all of this information. Joslyn said that she could teach some women what to do. She said that there are a lot of things to learn. The caller said she should pick up some of Tiger's sponsors for this stuff. Howard said that Robin claims that she didn't need lube for her anal with that one guy in San Francisco. Joslyn said that she loves lube even if she doesn't need it. She just likes to slide around in the lube.
Howard took another call from a guy who said there was some talk of Tiger taking Ambien and things like that. He asked if she ever saw that. Joslyn didn't see anything like that.
Howard and Joslyn talked about Tiger and his wife still being together. Joslyn said that you can't build a relationship built on lies so she's not sure what will happen there.
Howard took a call from Angry Black who said that Joslyn isn't a victim since she was in a relationship with a married man. He also asked if she's still $10,000 in the rears on child support. She said that she is no longer behind and she's all caught up. She said that she doesn't want to talk about that stuff though. Angry said that she's a public figure so he wants to hear the story. Joslyn said that the child has nothing to do with this so she's not going to talk about that.
Howard said that Joslyn was kind of conservatively dressed today. She said that she was kind of. She talked about why she got her breast implants and how she used to be an A-cup until she got pregnant. She said that she has stretch marks from the pregnancy. She said she got the implants really big and that's not where the stretch marks came from. Howard asked about them and she said that she gained 60 pounds when she was pregnant so that's where they came from.
Howard gave Joslyn some plugs for her upcoming dancing appearances and her web site. She said that she'll be out dancing for guys and she could give some aggressive dances. She said that guys are supposed to blow a load at those places so she will have her knee in their crotches and stuff. Howard asked if she can cum from kneeing a guy. She said she can get off just knowing that she got a guy off.
Howard said they had a lot of calls from guys asking her to get on the Sybian. She still wasn't up for it though.
Howard read that Joslyn was a teacher for a while. She told Howard about that and that led to Howard talking about how he had cute teachers that he would have a crush on but this would be out of hand if she was his teacher.
Howard and Robin asked how Joslyn thinks Tiger is going to do playing golf. She said she doesn't know but it should be interesting to see.
Howard asked Joslyn about Tiger getting mad at her for showing up to some event that he was at. She said that he had to go out to train and he was supposed to come back. She said that they were going to have some meeting in the room and he asked her to leave. He ended up showing up but he didn't let her know about it and he thinks that he was going to have another woman up there. Joslyn said there was another girl coming up on the same floor she was leaving on.
Howard asked if Joslyn wears panties. She said she had a g-string on. Howard gave her some more plugs, wrapped up with her and went to break.
Howard came back and played a new song parody about Robin from Little Mikey. The song was to the tune of Van Halen's ''Jump'' and it was called ''Cum.'' Robin wasn't so thrilled with that one. Howard liked it though.
Howard said he saw that this guy is running for office in Missouri and he's a racist guy. The radio stations have to run his ads so it's kind of funny that they have to run them because they're running other political ads. Howard said he hasn't heard the ads yet. He played one where they had to give a warning about how the ads may not be appropriate for young children.
Howard caught a whiff of something funny smelling. Benjy said that it could be his salad that has broccoli in it.
Howard played the ad that he started to play earlier. This guy in Missouri was going off on the Jews and ''mud people'' in this country that are ruining it. The guy said they have to take back the country from those people.
Howard goofed on the guy whose ad it was and how he was going off on the Jews and Mud People. Howard said he had more ads to play. It wasn't just the one. He played another one where the guy was going off on the Jews again. He was saying ''It's the Jews, stupid.'' as his tag line. The guy was saying that you have to go to David Duke's web site to find out more.
Howard said he liked that tag line ''It's the Jews, stupid.'' Howard said that must be like a play on ''It's the economy, stupid.'' Howard said he likes this guy's line better.
Howard played another ad where this guy is going off on illegal aliens. In another one the guy was going on and on about how the Whites are becoming the minority in this country. Howard wondered if it really matters if all of the whites go away. Robin said that guy will be dead some day and no one will care.
Jon Hein came in and said it's really cool but he doesn't see the application for it right now. He said the battery lasts like 12 hours. Gary said that it's not a computer so there isn't anything going on inside of it most of the time. Howard asked if he could put his software on there and play chess online. Gary said he wasn't sure. He said that he might have to buy an app. Jon said that the app may not work on it. He said that they may develop one though and that would be an incredible thing.
Ralph got one so he called in to tell Howard about it. Ralph said he got his on Saturday and he was freaking out waiting for it to come to his house when UPS dropped it off. Ralph said that he almost didn't get it when he had his neighbor sign for it. He said he got home and caught the guy right in time.
Ralph told Howard about how cool this thing is. He said he was watching Netflix movies on it and it didn't buffer at all. Howard asked what he hasn't been able to do. Ralph said that you can't get on it and fly around. Gary said that Ralph can't even look at any video on his own web site. He said it won't play Flash videos. Ralph told Gary to go back to his hole.
Ralph said that he doesn't care about the Flash stuff. Gary said that 75 percent of video on the web is Flash video. Ralph said that you can get YouTube videos. Gary said that you can't watch 75 percent of video on the web. Ralph told him to stop raining on his parade.
Ralph said that ABC has an app where you can go on and watch their TV shows. He said that you can watch Lost on this thing and it doesn't buffer.
Howard asked if he can go on the web site and play chess. Gary said if it has any Flash video he won't be able to watch. Ralph didn't seem to think that matters.
Gary said that the thing is cool but it's incomplete. Gary said you can't watch porn on it because most of it is Flash. Ralph said that doesn't matter. He said the stuff that it does is great.
Gary said that it's not a computer. Ralph said he doesn't get why he's arguing like this. Howard said the keyboard is what he doesn't like. Ralph said this one works pretty good. Howard said he saw a video of a kid smashing his iPad with a bat. Ralph said that's a thing people do online and it's stupid.
Jon said that the thing is really fast. He said that the internet is incredibly fast. Ralph said that this one doesn't have 3G on it so it's just Wi-Fi. Howard said it won't work in the car then. He said it's not for him if it doesn't working the car.
Howard asked Ralph if he has anew name for this thing. Ralph said he calls his ''Paddy.'' He said it's his new girlfriend.
Howard said Ralph and Beth were arguing over some app that he has. He said that the app tracks your package so Beth asked why he needs that when you have a tracking number. Ralph was saying that the app is better. Ralph told him about that and then Howard moved on.
John said that he's had other issues in his life and Howard has helped him get through it all. He said that he got into another relationship and this woman ripped up the old pictures of the woman he was going to marry.
Howard asked if John got married. He said he did and that happened 4 years ago. Howard asked what he's thanking him for. The guy said that he was thanking him for making him laugh. Howard said he appreciates that. He said he usually gets crap all the time. John told Howard that no one else makes him laugh like Howard odes.
Howard said that Ronnie told him that he was going to cry when he came in there. Ronnie said he was crying his eyes out down in the lobby. He said he fucked him and told him he was going to cry in there. Ronnie said he's been down in the lobby crying for 3 days. Ronnie told him that it's time for him to go.
John said that he wants Howard's permission for the web site. He said he would like everyone in the studio to thank Howard and he wants to get celebrities to write their thank-yous too. Howard said this guy's name was John and gave him a plug for his web site again. He let him go after that.
Howard said he heard stories about this guy crying down in the lobby and that's why he had him up there. Howard said Ronnie was the guy who made the call. He said he should never listen to Ronnie. He said that he screwed up with this. He said Ronnie told him that John was balling out there and said he should have him in there.
Ronnie came in and said that guy was the one who fucked him. He said that he was balling out there but as soon as he got in there he stopped. Howard said that was more boring than Ronnie's car show. He said that Ronnie can't make a good call on anything. He said he didn't know what he was talking about. He told Ronnie to leave his show alone. Howard said he should just stand in the hallway.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she still has a campaign going on where she's trying to get people to write letters saying what Howard means to people. Howard hung up on her saying that he won't let her up there either because this stuff is boring.
Howard said that this guy John was apparently out there balling since Thursday. Howard said that was Ronnie's big move and if it had been a home run he would have been the producer on the show. Howard said it confirmed all of his fears though. Howard said it's really not easy.
Howard played some more of the racist political ads he started to play earlier. He played some more that sounded similar to Daniel Carver KKK messages. Howard replayed one of the messages for Robin where the guy was calling African Americans ''African coons.'' Howard said that they have to run these ads because they're considered political ads.
Those clips led to Howard playing some clips of this guy Bill Donahue talking about the Pope and his covering up of priests molesting kids on Larry King Live. Donahue was defending the Pope and saying that the kids that were molested were post-pubescent. Robin said that no one should be diddling then no matter what their age. She said that guy was really out there with that defense. Howard wondered why they would try to defend that Pope covering that up.
Gary said that this guy Bill Donohue said some stuff about Howard too. He had come out against Howard when he said that priests were molesting young boys. He was calling for a boycott of the show because of that.
Howard played some more of the racist political ads. He said that guy is running for congress. He said that he must be going for that splinter vote. He said the guy is talking about being sick of the Jew-nited States.
Gary said that he had been on Superfan Roundtable a few times. He was a huge fan of the show. Howard heard that he had called the Wrap Up Show a few days ago. Gary said that they didn't pick up his call. Howard said that may have driven him over the edge.
Howard said he and Beth had a good weekend. He said they just hung out and didn't do much. Robin said he did get together with Ross with the bathroom thing. Howard wondered if he was going to come in there.
Ross showed up so Howard asked if he heard the show this morning. Ross didn't hear the stuff about him. Howard told Ross that he talked about the bathroom thing this morning and he's going to have to take back his bathroom access.
Ross said that he knows that it's going to be war between him and the other guys back there. Howard said he can't take it out on them. Howard said that it's got nothing to do with them. Howard said the other guys are right and it's his call. Howard said that they're not the ones taking access from him, he is. Howard said it was Ross' wife that brought up the whole thing. Ross said it was actually Howard's wife who brought it up.
Howard said that he loves Ross and he didn't think he could keep him out of the bathroom but now he sees he screwed up.
Gary came in and asked Ross why he thinks he has to fight with them back there. He said that they're not doing this as a personal thing. He said that they caught Tim in the bathroom already and it would have come out eventually if they gave Ross secret access.
Gary had the list of 28 people who have access to the bathroom. Howard wanted to hold off on that until tomorrow. Ross thought that his access was going to be kept on the down low. Howard said he told Gary about it and he had to do that. He said that he can't keep that on the down low.
Howard said he heard that Ross flosses his teeth in the bathroom. Ross said he doesn't do that. Howard asked what he did before they were there. Ross said he used to sneak into other private bathrooms. He hates going to the bathroom in public. He said that it's not a regular occurrence for him. He said his wife was blowing it all out of proportion.
Howard said he feels like an Indian giver even though that's not politically correct to say. Gary said Howard shouldn't be apologizing for this. He said that they went over the list before and Howard wanted Ross off. Ross said that Howard should be in charge of the whole thing.
Gary said that Doug Goodstein asked him if Ross is really like this in his personal life. Gary said he's really not. Ross said he didn't want to bring this up in their private life and he wasn't the one who brought it up. Howard said he was sitting on the couch and he was feeling like Tony Soprano so he wanted to show the power he has. He said that Ross is a great guy and he didn't know he had IBS. He said he doesn't care if he's in that bathroom and he turned to him and told him he would give him access.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks that Ralph should be allowed to use that bathroom. He said that Ross isn't the one messing it up. He said that it's really important to him. They were also talking about how Ross has said he actually cleans the bathroom when he's done. Howard said that Ross is fine but if they put him on the list then it opens up the door to everyone else. Howard said that he'd give in to Greenstein too. He did an impression of him asking for access.
Ross told Howard he will live with the decision that has been made. He said it's lived too long and he's done. Gary knows he's mad at him now though. Ross said he is and he's mad at Jason too. Howard told Ross he was sorry about that. He said he loves the guy. Robin said that he was over it until Howard brought it up. Howard said it was Beth who brought up the bathroom thing and how it's nothing special. Howard said he knows that Gary loves Ross and this isn't a personal thing. Ross is still blaming Gary and Jason. Gary said that Ross is convinced that it's Jason's fault that he's off the list.
Ross said that this would bother everyone else there too. Howard said he feels bad but he has to do this. Ross said he's done with this. He told Howard not to feel bad. Howard said he still feels awful. Ross said he'll be fine.
Howard said Ross is their buddy and their bro. Gary said that's true but that's not what this is about. Gary said they'll go over the list tomorrow because it's already bare bones. He said there are 6 people out of 28 who will never even step food in that bathroom. Howard is on the list but he'll never use it. They had to go to break after that.
Steve said that Jim is not planning to get married right now. Howard said he thinks that he's going to name his kid Robin. Fred did his Jim impression and said that they're going to name the kid Robin Ophelia Florentine even if it's a boy.
Steve said they have a story about Evil Dave Letterman doing his impression on a radio station in Chicago on April Fools day. Howard said that Dave isn't allowed to appear on their show anymore. He said they love the guy but when they call him now they just hang up on them.
Steve said they have a story about Robin's wine friends and how uncomfortable things were at the dinner they went to for Howard and Robin. Howard said they shouldn't have come then.
Steve said that George Takei spoke to them about some stuff too so they have some news stories about him. Steve also mentioned that they have a Fast Food show with Jon Hein and Jason Kaplan tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Jon Hein talked about that Fast Food Show that they're doing. Robin asked why Jason was mentioning her name in the promo. Fred said he was saying something about Robin getting fat again. Robin said she hasn't gained any weight so she's not sure what he's talking about.
Jason came in and said that he was just saying that it looked like she was gaining weight. Jason said he didn't think it was working out for Robin and Tim so they should come and check out their show. Jason said he thinks that Robin looked skinnier 6 months ago. Robin said she's smaller now than she was 4 or 5 months ago. Jason said Robin is always making fun of his weight so he's not sure why she gets so upset when he talks about her's.
Jon Hein ran down his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down the list of things they were going to talk about and mentioned Ralph's new iPad. Howard said someone made a good point about Ralph and how he doesn't have to do a lot of work so he doesn't need a real computer to type on. That's why he likes that iPad so much. Gary told Howard to please let him know it wasn't him that said that. Howard said it wasn't Gary.
Robin started with some Tiger Woods news. She said he's back to playing golf this week. Robin also read about Jesse James checking out of rehab for sex addiction. He had checked in just last week. Robin said that he may have checked out because Sandra Bullock no longer wants anything to do with him.
Robin read a story about Erin Andrews who was taped secretly through her hotel room peep hole. She's getting death threats now while dancing on Dancing with the Stars. They say that she's going to dance anyway and not listen to them.
Ralph called in again and said that Erin Andrews got famous from that video that the guy took and she was yelling at him in court. He found that odd. Ralph told Howard that he doesn't type regularly like Jason and Jon but his work doesn't have him stuck to a typewriter. He said that if he wanted to type a long email he would sit at the desk and do it. He told them to stop taking it out on him and ''Paddy.''
Robin said that Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas is sick of hearing people calling her ''fugly.'' Howard said she should lighten up. Robin read some quotes from her about that and the weight gain she had for a movie she did. Howard said she thinks that she's very sexy and very sexual. He said he thinks that she's banged every one of the Black Eyed Peas too. He said he thinks she can dance and sing very well too.
Robin had a list of the top 10 disappointments about the iPad. Howard said he thinks the keyboard is one. Robin said that would be at number one. Robin read the list and they had the keyboard, no camera, no Flash support, the weight, no memory card slot, no GPS chip, no HD video output, no multitasking, no iBooks in Australia and delayed accessories. Howard said that most of the stuff wasn't too bad. Robin said that some people are still calling it perfect. She said they sold more than they expected in their debut too.
Robin read some news about Michael Jackson's doctor and how he'll be going to court soon. They're thinking he could use the defense that Jackson wanted to commit suicide.
Robin read a story about the unsexiest men of 2010. Robin said Howard wasn't in the top 10. Howard said he was afraid he was going to be on the list. Robin said that Artie Lange was listed at number 31 on the list. Howard wasn't on the list. Howard said that Artie is fragile so they shouldn't be putting him on there when he's down. Howard said he heard that Artie was just starting to think he was sexy again. He said Artie is sexy god damn it. Robin said that The Pope was also on the list at number 10. They also had Jay Leno, Glenn Beck, Jesse James, John Mayer, Kevin Smith, John Edwards, Mike ''The Situation'' Sorentino and Tiger Woods on the list.
Ralph called back to give the one complaint he had about the iPad. He said it didn't come with any kind of dog to prop it up. He said there are after market things but you have to pay for them. Ralph said that was kind of douchey of them but that's about it for complaints.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Pope and his covering up of the child abuse. Robin said that some people are upset that it was coming out right before Easter.
Robin read about the couple that were caught in Dubai kissing. They will probably get a month in jail for that kiss. Howard said that's the most liberal of the Arab countries too. He said he would never go there after hearing that. Robin read that they also drank alcohol in public so they got into trouble over that as well.
Robin read a story about some men that were rescued from a flooded coal mine in China. She said that they rescued 9 men out of 153 that were caught in there. Robin said the mine flooded more than a week ago.
Howard was talking about wearing a yarmulke and how he never leaves one on. He also mentioned that he got a couple of hats from the people at John Varvatos. He said they don't fit though because his head is so big. He said that he's unable to find one to fit.
Robin read a story about how 45 people have been shot in Chicago since last Wednesday. Robin read about some of the shootings and Howard threw in a live commercial in the middle of that.
Robin got back to her news and read about some fights that were going on in New York City over the Easter weekend.
Robin read a story about a woman who went to the hospital to have a baby but she wasn't pregnant. They were trying to induce her but it turns out she wasn't even pregnant.
Robin read a story about the 7.2 earthquake that hit California yesterday. They're saying that they could have some more earthquakes at 6.0s but they don't expect anything close to the 7.2.
Robin read some more Pope news. That led to Howard talking about how quiet the church was during the holocaust and how they think that the Pope is being persecuted over this molestation thing like the Jews were. Howard said the two things are nothing alike.
Robin read some basketball and baseball news. She had some Yankees and Red Sox news. The Yankees lost their first game of the season. Robin read some football news too.
Robin read about Trisha Yearwood's new cook book and had some audio of her talking about that. Robin had some audio of Tina Fey talking about her new movie with Steve Carrell. Howard asked when that opens. Robin wasn't sure. Howard asked if Tina is coming on the show to promote it. Gary said she's not scheduled to come in. Howard said he figured that. He said she was fun when she came in the last time.
Gary came in and said that Tina Fey was good but she talked a lot about people and she may have gotten shit about that. He said that the press picked up on a lot of what she said about Paris Hilton and that may have gotten her into trouble. Howard said that she should still come in.
Robin had some other movie news and read about the new Miley Cyrus movie. Howard said he wants to see Clash of the Titans. He didn't see Alice in Wonderland or Clash of the Titans. Howard said he's sick of 3D though. Robin had some audio of Miley Cyrus but Howard didn't last more than a few seconds with the clips. He said she's a cute kid and all and she's got some songs that are okay but he doesn't want to hear about that stuff. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show around 10:45am.
Gary said he priced an iPad on the Apple web site and it came out to be a grand. He said that he's not against it but he's not even sure what it is. Jon said he heard they sold 700,000 of them this weekend. Gary said that he doesn't use an Apple but the rest of his family does.
Jon said he's going to get one but he's holding out for the 3G one. He said that he wants to see how the AT&T service is out at his house. He said the touch screen is incredible.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they sold 300,000 and they projected 700,000. He said that's what they sold at Apple stores and that doesn't include Best Buy. The guy said that the Flash thing isn't a big deal because most web sites are moving to HTML5 and other things so the Flash thing doesn't really matter. Gary said that it would matter to Howard though. He wants that thing to work now and not in the future. The caller said that it's a whole class of new technology and it's not a laptop replacement.
Gary said that David Pogue reviewed it and did it for both techies and non-techies and he said there should be some trepidation for techies. The caller said that HTML5 is the future for the internet and it won't matter in the future. Gary said that he knows that but if people buy one today and don't know about that, they're going to be missing some stuff.
Ralph called in and said that he and Gary have been goofing around about this whole thing. He said that Gary thought it was going to be a stumble for them but it's obviously not. Ralph said that it's not just a toy. He said it's so much more than a toy and it's a new way to access information. He said that if you want to photoshop something you can't use it but you can look at pictures and use it as a digital frame or something like that. Gary said that would be a waste of money though. He said you don't use it as a digital frame if it's a $600 item. Benjy said that he could if you just leave it on your desk.
Gary asked Ralph if his new girlfriend has any flaws. Ralph said he was up all night watching movies and listening to music with ''Paddy.'' He said he's going to take her out today and buy her something nice to wear. He said they have a lot of stuff coming out for it. Benjy said that she doesn't like his friend MyGeekTime.com. Ralph said that's true but everything else will have to adapt to his new girlfriend.
Ralph said that it's mind blowing thinking about where this thing could go. He said that the interfaces it has are just really cool. Even eBay has a different interface.
Benjy asked Ralph why someone would want this over an iPod touch or something like that. Gary asked why he wouldn't use it over a Macbook. Ralph said that he doesn't have a Macbook so he's not sure. He said the applications that this thing runs are lightning fast. He said it's different than a regular computer.
Gary asked if he got the lower end unit or the higher end. Ralph said he got the middle one. Ralph said that he may return this one in a couple of weeks when the 3G comes out. He said that he might know some people at Apple who will help him make that happen.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ralph would buy anything with an Apple on the back of it. Jon and Gary said that they do make some nice stuff. The caller said that he doesn't have an iPhone because of the bad service from AT&T in his area.
Another caller mentioned something called the Joo Joo that's coming out soon. Jon said they'll be talking more about all of this stuff on Geektime this Saturday from 2-4.
Jon asked Gary why Ross takes this so personally. Gary said that's the way Ross is. He looks at it like it's his friend blocking him from the bathroom and that's really not what it is.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Jason about giving Ross access and Jason talking about what a baby he's been about it.
Jason is taking a lot of the blame from Ross for the whole thing and he said he's not sure why that is. He said that he's got nothing to do with the list and he doesn't have the power to put him on or take him off.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they're getting so worked up over this because it was just one turd on the floor. Gary said they figured that it really didn't need to be like that and they realized that they have to have a good flow there at the studio and they can't have it being messed up the way it was. The caller said that they had to board up a bathroom where he works.
Ross came in and said this is the last time he's going to talk about this. Jon said that he figured he'd want to get in on this. Jon said that Ross didn't bring this up at dinner, it was his wife. Ross said he was going to go way back and say that he and Gary were friends before they started working together. He said that he doesn't want this to become personal. He said that Beth was the one who brought it up at dinner. It wasn't his wife but then his wife got in on it and then Howard put an end to it. He said he just wants to move on now.
Ross said that Howard pulled him to the side and said he wanted to tell him something. Howard told him that he can use the bathroom again and to just keep it on the down low. He said he didn't skip out of there or act like he had the keys to Fort Knox.
Jason was trying to say something but Ross said that he heard what he had to say earlier on the show and he's not his friend. Ross said people make him out to be this pompous guy but Jason crossed the line today. He said he invites him to stuff and he cares about him and he threw him under the bus today. He heard him goofing on him today and now he's not going to treat him like a friend. He'll just treat him as a co-worker.
Jason said that he's done apologizing to people and he can think the way he wants to think. Ross asked Jon and Gary how they took what Jason said today. Gary said there was a lot going on there. He said that Ross was taking it hard because it was about him. He said that Jason is saying that he can't be apologizing to the 17th person over the same thing.
Ross said that this wasn't a status thing like Jason was saying. He said that he likes going to the bathroom with no one else around. He said he likes to brush his teeth alone and things like that. Ross said he's fine with not having access to the bathroom. He said he'll go back to doing what he used to. Ross said that they're the ones treating it like it's an elitist thing, not him. Jason said that's not true because Ross thinks he deserves it and he was the one yelling at them for not letting him have access.
Ross said that Jason stabbed him in the back with this whole thing. Jason said that he's fine with that but he can't change history and say that he wasn't mad about not having access. He said he was angry and yelling about it. Ross said that's because of the way Jason went behind his back and got him kicked off the list. Jason said he finds it ridiculous that he's so angry about all of this.
Jon asked Ross if he thinks that he was on the list but then Jason piped in and got him off the list. Ross said that does seem to be the way it was. Ross said that he wasn't going to use the bathroom during the show and he would have kept it on the DL if Howard hadn't told everyone. He said that he got upset today because Howard was the one who said it was okay but then Gary and Jason pushed back and said no. He said he gets why they did that though so he's fine with it.
Gary said that Howard has the power to keep Ross in there though. He said that Howard doesn't take the fall for that. Gary said Howard could have told him he understands his complaint but he wanted him on the list anyway.
The guys were talking about how Tim was on the list now even though he was left off the initial list. Tim put himself on the list. Gary said that he probably would have put Tim on the list because he was kind of iffy about it.
Ross asked Jason if he would keep the list the way it is now or change it. Jason said that he would probably have Tim, Jared and Ross back on the list if he could do it all over again. He said he knows that sounds douchey after what he just said but they're always back there working on the show stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows what Ross is going through and he should tell them that he has to go quickly and he doesn't have time to get to the bathroom. Ross said that happens but that's now that this is about. The caller said that he has a physical issue that he has to get to.
Gary asked Ross if he had ever shit his pants. Ross said he has but not for a long time.
Another caller asked what Ross does there. Ross said that it doesn't matter what his title is. He said that he talks to Jason and Will and Gary when he's there and he helps out with the sponsors and things like that. Gary said that he's a good friend too but he has genuine business to discuss. Jason said that Ross does have business and he's also a liaison between the sponsors and the show. He's got good reason to be back there.
Gary said that if that were happening at an office in New Jersey no one would care about this stuff. Ross said he's not going to hold this against anyone. He said they're all professionals and he just wants this to go away.
The guys were also talking about Scott DePace and how he was complaining about the way the OutQ guys talk gay stuff in the bathroom. No one else had heard anything... except for Steve Brandano. Steve said he has heard that talk and he backs DePace up on what he said. He said he's not making that stuff up. Another guy came in and backed Steve and Scott up on that as well. Jason said they should start recording the bathroom. He said it sounds like that's where all of the action is at. Jason apologized to Ross as they were getting ready to go to break. Ross said that was fine but it didn't seem to cut the tension in there according to Jon. Gary said it was a good first step. They went to break after that.
Gary said that Jason lacks one of the filters that people need in their personal life. He said he's not going to tell him to stop doing that stuff though because it's good for the air. Jason said that he grew up listening to the Howard Stern Show and he loves it. He said he might come off as a bigger asshole than he does in his own head. He said he didn't know that was going to turn into World War III. He's not even sure what it was that he said that upset Ross so much.
Gary asked Jon if he think that Ross would have gotten upset with him if he had said the same things that Jason said. Jon said no because he has a different relationship with Ross than Jason does. Jon said that Jason is always honest and he always backs up stuff up with facts so he has to give that to him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what Jason thinks the real problem is there. Jason said he's really not sure. He said that they he must not have the ability to judge what people think of him. The caller said that they seem to have a lot of people there who really don't like him.
The guys talked about how Will once said that they weren't good friends like people thought they were. Jason said that he has apologized for that and they've gotten even closer since then.
The guys talked about Medicated Pete's impressions too since he did the Ronnie impression. Pete was in there so they talked to him about how he picked up on the impression. Pete didn't have much to add to the interview though. He said he might be taking those impressions out on the road with him soon though.
Benjy said that some people joke around about how his impressions aren't that good but when you see it in person it's really good when he does his JD impression.
Jon moved on to talk about Joslyn James. He asked Gary what he thought about her. Gary said that she was very willing to talk about those stories and the way she was dressed today was very conservative. He said that she seems to be trying to change her image but then she has huge implants like a porn star would have.
Jon asked if they think that she could have won the mistress beauty pageant. Gary said she was good but the woman who won was good too.
Jon played a clip of Joslyn talking about how she gave Tiger anal on the first night they were together. After that clip Gary said he thought that was funny when she said that God gave women 3 holes for a good reason. Gary said if he goes home and tells his wife that he'll come back with two black eyes.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they have a great show. He also said he liked that interview and asked if they think she's better than Mary Carey and Houston in the ''jugs'' area. Gary said they didn't get to see much of her today. She was pretty covered up.
The caller also asked if he could come up to the studio sometime since he's a huge fan. Gary said that Howard has put the squash on the tours for now so he should call back in a few months to ask. Benjy asked if he's kind of slow. The caller said that he's not but he talks a lot to the Wack Packers. Gary asked the guy why he's not working today. The guy said he had to take his mother to the doctor for chemo. They found out he used to be a cashier at a supermarket but he used the bathroom too much and got fired. Jon told the caller he had to let him go and wished him luck with his mom.
Benjy wanted to give the guy the tour himself but Gary said that it was Howard who said they were doing too many.
Jon got back to Joslyn James and asked about what they think about Tiger cumming everywhere with these girls and not wearing a condom. Gary said that's like playing Russian Roulette with your life and with your wife's live. They talked about Joslyn's pregnancy too. Jason said that he was having anal sex with her on the first night and that's really crazy. He said that's really not giving a shit about yourself or your family.
A caller asked when this became the Ralph Cirella network. He said he's sick of the constant calls today. Gary said that he had something to talk about today with the iPad. Jason said that they're going to have Ralph on Geektime for two full hours on Saturday on Geektime. The caller said he can't wait.
Another caller asked about the survey they did where most of the people there said that Jason was the last liked there. It was about who the most disliked person was in the office. Jason said he even put his own name down for that one. Jason said he just figured that's the way it was going to be. Jason said he knows he might come off as an asshole but he's done defending himself.
Another caller said it sounds like they're having a great time up there. He said that it sounds like Jason would stab anyone in the back up there and that's not cool. Jason said that he doesn't think that he does that but if they feel he has then they should come forward. Gary said that Jason is one of those guys you meet who was raised on the Stern show. He said he might do a lot of this because it's good for the show. He might not be doing it just to be a dick. The caller said he sounds like he gets a lot more enjoyment out of it. Jason said he does. He said he loves that Ronnie got so mad at him for what he did with the cupcakes but he didn't look at that as stabbing the guy in the back. The caller said he hopes they stay there and don't go anywhere. Gary said he hopes so too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Joslyn was the one who backed out of the pageant. Gary said that she was and he was told something different than what she said today. Gary said that he was told that she had some deal going on and she wasn't able to talk about Tiger at the time. Benjy said that could have been the kid thing that she glanced over today.
Gary said that Angry Black brought up that kid thing today and said it was similar to her talking about Tiger. He wondered if that's wrong. They spent a minute discussing that. They were also talking about the story she told about how she came out with the story after her face ended up on the golf balls. Gary wondered how they knew about her before that if she hadn't come out yet.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Howard didn't push her to ride the Sybian today. Gary said she didn't want to do it so Howard didn't push. Jason said maybe next time. The caller said he liked the interview today. Gary said he bets that Rachel Uchitel's stories suck compared to the rest of these stories. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about nothing because he said he ran out of things to say after doing this show for 30 years. Robin said it took a long time. Howard said he always has something to say. He said according to the emailers it was either interesting or not yesterday. He said that they wrote in about Joslyn James and he thought she was interesting. Howard said people are getting so used to the quality of the interviews that they take them for granted. He said he expected all kinds of accolades but he didn't get any.
Howard read through some of the email and one person felt Joslyn came off as a liar. He liked the interview other than that. There was another person who thought he was playing stupid with these women who claim they're not using protection with Tiger. Howard read one where the writer talked about Joslyn hiring Gloria Allred and to help her get money out of Tiger.
Howard said if he attacks these women when they come in they're not going to talk. He said that coming on the show may have been partially to shame Tiger and get him to pay them but he doesn't see how that would work. He said that Joslyn may get some work out of this whole thing but not out of Tiger.
Howard read some more of the email and said he really doesn't think that it's the women's fault for the trouble Tiger got into. It's Tiger's fault for cheating. He said that these women weren't married, Tiger was. Howard said that it's the married guy who either values his marriage or not.
Howard read an email where the writer said that Joslyn has a different story for every show she's on. Howard read more mail about how these whores knew what they were doing and they all could have avoided this. Howard said the fans seemed to be attacking Joslyn and not so much him. He said he'd prefer it if they were all positive toward him though.
Howard said he read an article about the iPad and they point out the things that are wrong with it. First of all it's too big to carry on your hip like a phone. The guy said that it's too thin to carry under your arm too.
Howard read that it's too heavy too. He said the writer says that it results in tired wrists if you're watching a movie or reading a book on it. The iPad is slippery too. The writer says you feel that it could slip out from under your arm. The screen is too shiny to see it in bright light. Fingerprints on the screen are a problem. Other complaints were about no multitasking, the browser, the virtual keyboard, no USB port, the iPhone apps and the price.
Howard said that the guy also said that it won't replace anything. It won't replace your phone or laptop. He said that it's a good e-book reader but it's too heavy. The writer said he's not sure what needs it fulfills. Robin said that's what she was wondering when she read about it when it was coming out.
Gary said that Fred sent out another article about it and the guy wasn't sure what it was. Gary said the guy didn't know why anyone would need it because his laptop does the same things.
Robin asked if Howard ever clips his phone to his belt. Howard said he doesn't. He said that's not cool. He asked Gary if he knows anyone there who does. Gary said that Jeff Schick and some of the tech guys do that. He said there are some guys who have two phones on their belt and the ear piece too. Howard said that's like Batman with a utility belt.
Gary said the weird thing is when he sees women at the supermarket talking to him and it turns out they're on their bluetooth headset talking to someone on the phone.
Howard said he can't get over the fact that there are these Wi-Fi waves and stuff going around and maybe giving everyone cancer. He said that some of this other stuff like 3D doesn't seem to be good for anyone. Howard said he uses a pillow over his lap when he's working on his laptop. He said that he'll put his briefcase on his lap to stop his balls from being fried.
Howard said he likes the mouse on the Lenovo laptops. He said he's very used to using it so he's afraid to switch.
Gary said in their neighborhood they're fighting against a cell phone tower near a school. He said he went to a meeting and the representative from the phone company was pregnant and they were all thinking that she should move next to the tower if she's not afraid of it.
Howard said it's crazy thinking about all of that stuff. Fred said that many of the people who use computers are using it for content searching 70 percent of the time. Gary said the iPad isn't perfect and he's thinking about getting one. He said he priced one out and came up with something close to $1,000 when he was done with all of the options he wanted.
Gary said he has bought a lot of Apple products so he added Apple Care and things like that. The final price was $1,069 and he could buy a Macbook for that price. Gary said that it looks really cool but he doesn't ''need'' that thing. Howard asked what he would do with it. Would he carry it to work? Gary said he would use it if he was traveling but he's not even traveling that much now. He said it would be great on a plane. Fred said they say that business people will use it for spreadsheets and stuff. You can use it for movies and music too.
Howard said he doesn't need one. He said he won't be carrying one around in his bag. Gary said that you never buy the first model of any of these things. He said that they'll revamp it soon and people will want the new one. He said he'll wait for the second one. Howard said maybe he'll want one in a couple of years.
Howard said that Gary's pitch video is back out. He said that President Obama threw out a pitch and they're comparing that to a bunch of other bad ones and Gary's is one that comes out as one of the worst. Gary said he saw that he was number 5 on one list. Howard saw one where he was number 2. Gary said he's never been the worst. Howard said he was searching for the Obama pitch but he wasn't able to find it.
Howard said he was watching Dancing with the Stars last night. He said that Pam Anderson is in it and he thinks that she's trying to get some votes for herself. He said she was all covered up this week and last week. The first week she was almost naked.
Howard said that Kate Gosslin seems like a miserable person on that show. Robin said that she was fighting with that guy she was dancing with. Howard said the judges even walk on egg shells around her. Howard said he heard that the producers were trying to get Shannen Doherty on the show from the beginning and they finally got her.
Howard said they got Pam Anderson on the show too but Kate Gosslin is the one who is the big star on the show. He said that people are into her and her show for some strange reason. Howard said she was complaining about the paparazzi following her around but that must be what she wanted if she put cameras in her house. Howard said that means she was an attention whore and she must love it. He said you have to be way desperate to let cameras in your house.
Howard said the producers must be completely defeated because people voted Shannen Doherty off the show the first week. He said they probably figured that Buzz Aldrin would be voted off first. Howard said that Buzz is a real hero and an awesome dude. He said he hopes he wins. They should vote him the winner now.
Howard said Pam Anderson came in almost last on last week's show. He said they did all they could to get her on the show and now people might vote her off early.
Howard said there's some comedian woman on the show who is really serious and he has no idea who she is. Howard said the producers must be pulling the hair out of their heads. Howard said they tried to get Beth on the show and she turned it down. He said that Beth wasn't desperate to get on the show. Robin said Kate can't even dance so that's the funny part of that. She said she's always marching around.
Howard said he got a lot of email about the bathroom discussions they had yesterday. Howard said they continued that discussion on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said Ross was taking out his anger on Jason who has no power when it comes to that whole thing.
Howard had some clips from the Wrap Up Show where Ross went off on Jason and said he wasn't a friend to him anymore. He had one where Ross basically said that Jason was dead to him. He told Jason he was done with him.
Howard said that was all over the bathroom. Robin said she can't believe the bathroom is causing this kind of craziness. Howard said he gets it. He said he knows what it's like to want to be in a bathroom alone. He said that at some point you have to let go of it though. Robin wondered why he would end relationships over it.
Howard said he just hung up the Beatles Abbey Road album cover in his bathroom. He said he loves that one and a Cream album cover. Robin said that they don't have anything like that these days. The covers used to be a big deal back in the day.
Howard said he has the picture of Johnny Cash saying ''fuck you'' hanging up too. He said the photographer had some cool shots and the guy just died recently. He said that the guy didn't get on the nerves of the rock stars and he had access to everything back stage. He said the guy's name was Jim Marshall. He said that he took a cool picture of Jimi Hendrix lighting his guitar on fire at Woodstock too.
Howard said he has some strange things in his bathroom like a urinal. He said his wife finds that odd but he likes it.
The caller said he wanted to know if there was a falling out between Howard and Bill Maher. He thinks that Bill would be a good guest on the show. Howard said that he likes Bill too and he watches his show on HBO. Robin agreed. Howard said there was a falling out and Bill doesn't like him. He said when Bill was struggling with his show he was allowed to come on the show at any time. Howard said he thinks that the reason for the falling out was the way they used him on the show. He said they tried to do funny things with him. He said he had that show Politically Incorrect and the did one with the Wack Packers and Bill seemed to enjoy it.
Howard said Bill wanted to produce a MILF beauty pageant with him but he turned down the offer. He wished Bill luck with it and that may have been a turning point. Then there was the time that Bill called the terrorists ''brave'' for what they did. Howard said he told Bill that they were crazy, not brave, and disagreeing with him seems to have changed things between them. He said he has the right to say whatever he wants but he disagreed with him. He said he likes Bill but Bill hasn't done the show since then.
Gary told Howard they have some audio of Bill talking about why they don't get along. The quality wasn't very good though. Howard played the clip and said that he likes Bill and he's not sure why he's holding this grudge with him. Bill was on some show talking about how time heals all wounds but he has some issues with Howard. He said the last time he did the show was sometime after 9/11 and he got into trouble for what he was saying. He talked about what Howard had said about dropping a bomb on an Arab country and it didn't matter what country.
Howard said that he did say that but no one looks at him as a political commentator. He said that Bill doesn't think that's brave to drop a bomb like that but those guys who do that stuff are brave. Howard said he can't even get on a flight without freaking out. He said he has to fly out to California soon and he really doesn't want to go.
Howard said he brought up a couple that had some kids and it was ruining their relationship. He said that they're the only ones that are happy and Beth knew that wasn't what she wanted to talk about. He said Beth's book is coming out soon and she's doing a promotional tour for that. She's going to be on that True Beauty show too. He said she's got a lot of stuff in the works.
Howard said Beth has this book coming out that's about how to deal with dogs. He said she asked him to go out to California with her. That was it. He said she knew that he thought she was going to bring up the baby thing and that's why he went on the tirade about the kid thing. Howard said he was embarrassed and told her that wasn't what he was doing, but he was.
Howard said Beth wanted him to go out to California and he was relieved it wasn't about a baby so he agreed to do it. He said he really doesn't want to fly though. He said he's flying out on Thursday and coming back on the weekend. He said that's not long enough for him. He needs time to relax. He said he'd need a month out there.
Robin enjoys flying so she doesn't mind stuff like that. Howard said he would have taken the Monday after off but Robin's trip shifted their vacations. He said that her trip screwed it up because this week's weather has been perfect and this is the week they would have been off. Robin said the weather down in Guatemala was great and he should have come with her. Howard told her to stop it.
Howard said Beth is going to be on some shows and he'll be sitting in the green room while she's on. He said that's going to be really different for him. Robin said that they won't let him just sit there. She thinks that they'll ask him to be on the show.
Howard said he just got tape of King's call. He played that while King was on the line. King was put on as an expert and was asked how this accident happened. King told the reporter that they were drilling for oxygen and they said that the hole has to be as big as Howard Stern's cock. The reporter said they were afraid that something like that would happen.
Howard wondered how many phonies are calling through and playing it straight. King told Howard this is his way of thanking him for what he does on his show. He said that he loves the show and he's been listening since he was 15 years old. He said he loves Howard. Howard let him go after that.
Howard had Captain Janks on the phone too. Janks said that Jamie Foxx was bad mouthing Howard last week so he called FOX News and told them that he was a representative for the mining company and said that Jamie Foxx was a cunt.
Howard said that he tried to call Jamie off the air to ask what was going on with him and he doesn't get why he's doing what he's doing. Howard said he left word for him to call back but he was going off on him during his show on Friday. Howard said he's not going to get involved in this and he thinks that Jamie is trying to get into a fight and maybe he's trying to get some work and attention. He said he's playing into some weird plan of his and he's not going to do it. Howard said he's not going to buy into it and it's really just odd to him. He said he's not even sure what they're fighting over.
Howard said Jamie wouldn't take his call and he thinks that he's liking this in some way. He heard that Jamie said he did want to get into a fight but then he turned it around and said that it was him that wanted to be relevant.
Howard played Janks' call where he got through on FOX news and Janks says that Jamie Foxx is a cunt and the host, Sheppard Smith, says ''Ohhhh... that's unfortunate...'' He said it was sad when that kind of thing gets by their screeners during a tragedy like that.
Howard said they always say that it's not the right time for things like that. Howard said it's never a good time according to those guys.
Howard said he's not sure why he's all caught up in this thing with Jamie Foxx. Howard said someone told him the other day that hiring him was the big move to keep the company in business. Anyone who is still there should be thanking him for having a work environment. He said that's hard for a lot of people to deal with. He said some people don't like him because of how successful he is. He said they're jealous of him. He said that actors come and go and radio guys come and go but he stays successful. Howard said people think he's just a douche. Howard said that he can take this blank portrait and turn it into something. He turns 5 hours of nothing into a radio show. He said that not everyone can do that and there are a lot of jealous people out there. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he saw an article in the paper about a guy who had claimed that Bruce was banging his chick. Howard said that he thinks that Bruce got hosed in that deal. He said he doesn't think that he was doing anything. He doesn't know that but that's the feeling he got. Howard said when you're famous you get blamed for a lot of weird stuff.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said she was in her summer outfit. Lisa said that they have a story about Gary and how he hasn't taken any professional promotional head shots for about 8 years. Howard found that funny that people would want his picture. Lisa said they took some pictures there and Gary played some of the 80s channel during the shoot. That helped him pose during the shoot. She said that Gary liked a song by Yaz that he was into. Fred found the song ''Situation'' by Yaz and played it for Howard. Howard wasn't sure what it was before he played it. Howard said that Gary got laid back in the 80s and he didn't think he was on a mad tear. Robin said he was and he was at the doctor every week for something. Gary said that he liked that song and it loosened him up for the shoot.
Howard said he listened to Eminem's ''Lose Yourself'' when he was doing a photo shoot and it did loosen him up too. Howard said he didn't appreciate Eminem until that photo shoot. He can thank Eminem for helping to make his photo sexy. Fred played that song for Howard too. Howard said the proper way to view his publicity photo is with that song playing.
Howard said Sal was out in the hall dressed as Gary doing a photo shoot with Jason. Howard told them to cut it out since no one can see it.
Gary said he saw some pictures of Lisa and she has her hand on her ass all the time. Howard said she looks good. Lisa said she has bad posture and she sticks her hip out when she does that. She said that she has to think of her posture to keep it looking good.
Howard asked Lisa if she used to show her belly during the summer. She said she used to but it's not in style anymore. Gary said that's always in style. Lisa said that she has some pictures on her web site where her belly is showing. Gary said she's got a hot body. Howard said she looks good to him.
Lisa said they have a story about Medicated Pete. He's looking to make a film about a baseball player that had Tourettes. She said that Pete is looking to play the role of this guy and he's written to the family asking for permission. Howard said that his career is sky rocketing. He has a lot of irons in the fire. Lisa said she got a preview of his Baba Booey impression yesterday so Howard should ask him to do that next time he's in.
Lisa said that the Howard Stern softball team is dead because the company is only paying to support one team. Gary came up with an idea to get a sponsor. Howard said he's pretty sure they could find a sponsor. Howard said Artie used to play on that team. Robin said he didn't play that much though.
Howard said he'd pony up for that but he thinks it's kind of stupid. Lisa said it's his team though. Howard said he wouldn't play on it though. He said he used to play on the team at NBC and he got a double when no one else got a hit. Howard said that Jackie Martling was on the team and he didn't get a hit. Howard said that Gary was on the team too and he didn't get a hit either. Howard said the other team was full of ringers and they were almost like a pro team. Howard said that he got a double that day. He said he was the only one though.
Howard said people think he's uncoordinated but he got the hit and he was the first base man. Gary said Jason played but he tripped on the way to first base and fell so he hasn't played since.
Howard said he would support the team but he gets to pick the costumes they wear. He said they'd be in costumes, not uniforms. Gary said they played the Daily Show and lost. They held up a sign saying that at least heir host didn't cry after 9/11 like Jon Stewart did.
Howard said it's too much pressure on him. He said he's good at one thing, getting on the mic. He said that he's not good at anything else. Lisa said he's good at jogging. Howard said anyone can do that. He said he can't even play chess that well. Howard said he can play but he's not that good. Robin said you can't be great at everything. Howard said he's not good at much of anything.
Howard explained some of the stuff they do on the show and how he's picking the best nude moments from the show over the years. Howard said they have Robin's trip to Guatemala coming up in early May. They also have the Tiger Woods Mistress pageant show and the new The Bonus Show with Jon Hein and Rachel Fine on there too. They're at number 4 most popular show. Howard said that's his favorite show on Howard TV right now and he wants a copy of every episode each week.
Howard said Dice and Jesse Ventura and his wife's shows were also very popular. Howard said he was going to get together with Jesse and his wife but he's not going to be around this weekend. He said that he does like Jesse on the show but he's not sure if they could hang. Howard said Jesse was going to come out to his house but maybe they should try a restaurant first.
Howard said he and Ben Stiller were going to get together on Monday night. It was going to be just the two of them. Howard said Beth was out at a movie premiere with a friend. He said that Ben got busy and asked to go later at night so he wasn't able to go. He said he wanted to go early but Ben wised up and didn't want to go that early. He said he's trying to get Ben and Jesse together instead.
Howard said he's trying to have a couple of friends in show business. He said he has Adam Carolla as a friend and they had a funny conversation about the business. He said he reaches out once in a while but he's a disaster when it comes to socializing. Howard said he hates it.
Robin said he needs to get into a groove and practice it more. Robin said that he has to be around people more to get that going.
Howard asked if Robin had a new hair style going. Robin said that wasn't a new hair style. Howard said it looked like it was. He said he saw a woman yesterday and thought it was Robin. He said he saw her out on the street and gave her a wave but it turned out it wasn't her. Howard said this woman looked almost like her from a distance. He said that Robin would be mad if she saw her up close though. Howard said Robin would get pissed if she saw her up close. Howard said from a distance she did look like Robin though.
Howard told Robin what Bubba's story line is and how Hulk Hogan is supposed to be mad at him for being involved in this ''Band.'' Howard played some audio from the show last night where Bubba was on mic telling the fans they were all sheep and they all wanted to be him. He was going off on the other wrestlers and the announcers saying that he's going to take over. Howard said it sounds like he wants to work with those guys and Hulk is supposed to be upset about that.
Howard said that Gary is dressed up as Techno Beaver for Howard TV but he's upset with Bubba for doing something fake. Gary said he's not upset with Bubba, he just hates wrestling. Howard said he's not a fan of wrestling either. Gary said he thinks it's stupid.
Howard said Bubba goes back stage to talk to Hulk Hogan and they have words together. Howard played that audio too. Hulk and Bubba were talking about business and how Hulk was trying to get Bubba not to run with the wrong crowd. They had a falling out after that and Bubba walked out on Hogan.
Howard said he thinks this is funny. He said Gary thinks Bubba shouldn't be doing it though. He said he's not for it. Robin asked where they do it and if Bubba is traveling around. Howard said he's not sure but he does find it funny.
Howard said they do like a 10 hour jam after playing 10 seconds of a good song. Howard said their songs are great when they stick to them. He said they give him the chills. He said it brings back his youth when he hears that stuff.
Howard said he heard a live, acoustic version of a Kelly Clarkson song that Gary sent to him that was pretty good. He played some of that too. It was her song ''Since You've Been Gone.'' Howard asked what happened to her because she got fat. He thought she had real talent. Robin said that she got away from the producer that was doing her music. Howard said he thinks that Kelly made American Idol because she was a real talent.
Robin said she ran into Constantine Morales one day. She said she saw him sitting on a bench and she was just going to walk by but he said hi to her. Robin said that he recognized her and called her over. She said that he's in a Broadway show doing his thing. Howard said he has seen him too. He said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked why that chick is still singing that song. He said that's like the only one she's known for. She does a new version all the time. He wondered if people would go to see her perform that song in 5 different ways. He said she's a mess too. Howard said her voice is probably shot already. Robin said it was shot already. Howard said he wishes he could sing like that.
Howard said he might be able to write a song like an old black guy. He asked Fred for some old blues music that he could sing to. Fred played him some stuff and Howard sang about how he had to go to California. Howard said he thinks he has a hit there. He sang about Robin going to Guatemala too. The song sounded very similar to ''Rehab.''
Fred said that was every bit as good as what that drunk does. Robin said it wasn't that good. Howard said that it was good. He said that he combined his pain of going to California and the vacation change that Robin did in that one song.
Howard said that they asked Eric questions about general stuff and the caller has to guess if he'll know. The first example question was ''What is venison?'' Eric didn't know. He said he thinks of medicine when he thinks of venison.
Howard said the caller was playing for $711. He played the first question which was ''What does the DC stand for in Washington DC?'' The caller said there was no way Eric would know. Eric said it stood for District of Columbia. He was right. Howard said this is why it's a game.
Question 2 was ''Who was shot in Ford's theater?'' Steve said he wouldn't know and he was right. Eric said it was ''Ford.''
Question 3 was ''Spell banana.'' Howard said he learned that from that Gwen Stefani song. Steve said he thinks that Eric will not get it right. Eric spelled it ''BANANA.'' He got it right.
Question 4 was ''Where is Nigeria?'' Steve said that he knows where it is and Eric will know where it is too. Howard said no way. He asked if he was sure he wanted to stick to that answer. Steve said he was going to. Robin asked if he was drunk because he sounded kind of out of it. He said he was and he was also on some pills. Howard said that Steve is going to say that Eric does know. Eric said that Nigeria was in Nigeria. Howard said he was wrong.
Howard told the caller that he was going to say that he's so fucked up that he's going to give him one last question. That was ''What is the capital of New York?'' Steve said he knows what it is and he thinks that Eric is going to know it too. Eric said ''Albany'' and got it right. The caller won $711 from 7-Eleven. Steve said that has helped him out so he really appreciates that.
Howard let Steve go and said that they have to get him out of his apartment and working again. Howard said that was the game. Robin liked it. She said that Eric knew more than they expected.
Howard said that JD is getting a belly. He told him to lift up his shirt but JD refused. Howard asked Robin if he looks like he's gained weight. Robin said he has.
Gary came in and said that he asked the guys how they decide. He said they go to Wendy's, McDonald's and Chipotle. They do Taco Bell and Nathan's but never Burger King because Jon Hein hates that. They found a Taco Bell that delivers so that was the best thing ever. JD said they loved that when they found out. Howard told JD he should watch his weight because he's trying to get laid and he has to stay in shape. JD said he tries not to think about that. Gary said the guys like fast food and they don't get pizza.
Howard said he likes this Fast Food show. He played some clips from the show and in the first one Jason was talking about how he's cut back on burgers from 1200 calories to about 560 calories. In another clip Jason was talking about this new KFC item called the Double Down. It's two pieces of chicken with bacon, cheese and sauce between the pieces of chicken. The chicken is like the bread of a sandwich. Howard wondered if you eat it with your hands or fork and knife. Jason said you hold it like a sandwich. Jason said he hasn't seen it in person since it's not coming out until April 12th.
Howard said his parents go to KFC. He did his father's voice talking about how they go out for that KFC so his mother doesn't have to cook. Howard did his mother's voice too during that discussion. Howard said his father tells him there are a lot of black people at KFC. Jason said the great thing about KFC is that it's like the same place that was around 40 years ago.
The guys showed a picture of the KFC Double Down and they read about the nutrition facts and how much fat was in it. Jason didn't seem to care. He said he's just enjoying himself. Howard said he heard Jason bought a bike. Jason said he did but the seat is killing him. He said he needs one of those wide seats. They told Jason he'd have to bike to Kentucky to make a difference.
Howard got back to his parents and did his impression of them talking about the different places they go out to during the week. Howard was doing both voices and had them talking to Robin. He kept saying ''what?'' for his father since he's hard of hearing these days. Robin was asking questions about where they go and Howard would explain this stuff to her with both parents.
Robin and Howard kept that up for a few minutes. Robin was carrying on this conversation like she was actually speaking to Howard's parents. Howard was complaining about some of the places they go to. They go to a frozen yogurt shop and Ben brings his own blueberries with him. They don't like the coffee there though. They like the shop but not the coffee.
Howard had his parents talking about the old days when they first found out about KFC when it wasn't even called KFC. Howard said his father bought stock in the company way back when they were first starting out as a franchise. Howard had his mother, Ray, talking about how she likes dark meat. Howard had Ben talking about going out to dinner with his son and how they love doing that too. Ray was talking about how she loves Howard and Beth and how terrific Beth is. She was complaining about the amount of food they get. Howard had her saying that she doesn't eat a lot of food like that.
Howard said he has to order for his father these days. He said he can't do anything at a new restaurant. Robin said that's odd. Howard said his mother will have a beet salad or something like that. Howard said his father will have the fish.
Ralph called in and said he loves it when his parents don't hear each other. Ralph was laughing as Howard was doing the impression. Howard said if he calls his dad at home he'll ask him a question and he'll say he can't hear him and calls Ray to come to the phone to talk to him instead.
Howard got back to the Fast Food Show clips and played one where Jon and Jason talked about a Burger King ad where they're ripping off a McDonald's egg and sausage sandwich from McDonald's. Jon hates Burger King so he was going off on them for stealing.
Howard said he loves this show but Robin wasn't into it. Robin said that most people talk about food all day. She's not into that.
JD said that he goes to Burger King and Jon is going to kill him for saying that. He said Jon gives him a good scolding for that. Howard said that McDonald's wasn't the originator for anything. He said there was this Wetsons back in the 50s and McDonald's came in after them. He said that they had White Castle before that too. Howard said McDonald's ran a good company and took over. Howard said that Burger King had the Whopper and McDonald's had something similar. They're all rip offs of each other. Howard had to go to break so he could get Richard Roeper in there.
Howard came back and said that they should try one of those KFC sandwiches before they go out. Robin said she'd probably have problems if she did that. She said she hasn't had anything thick and dense like that in her mouth in a long time. Howard said he thinks she has. Maybe not food though.
Howard said that Richard Roeper's movie review TV show ''At The Movies'' has been canceled. He said that he has banged a lot of hot broads. He said the guy is a real Cocksman. He said he has to hand it to him.
Howard asked where Richard was. He said he was talking about him so he figured they'd bring him in. They brought Richard in a short time later. Howard said Richard is a legendary Cocksman as he was coming in.
Howard said it's good to see Richard. He said he stays in touch with Roger Ebert's wife and it's kind of sad that the show is going away. Richard said they had a lot of amazing co-hosts during the past few years. He said that when Roger left they had guests come in to fill in for him.
Richard said that John Mellencamp was a guest host and he was good. He said Fred Willard was on too and he was good. Kevin Smith gave his opinion when he came on and that was really good too.
Howard asked Richard what his game plan is now. Richard said he's doing his reviews on his web site at RichardRoeper.com. He said he's doing a radio show now too. He said he's going to be on WLS with this guy Row in the afternoons. Howard said that's a big deal. Richard said he's really excited about it. He said he does stuff for some cable channels too. He does stuff for Reelz and other channels. He said he does stuff in the studio for them. He films himself for his web site. Richard said it's amazing how he can get those reviews up on his site so quickly.
Howard said it's kind of cool that he's going to be on radio. He said that these guys in radio spend years getting to that point and Richard is just coming in and getting on. Howard said we don't know if he's going to be great but he is good on this show. Howard said he should be okay on that show too.
Howard asked Richard if he wrote about this late night TV show thing. Richard said he did and he still likes Jay because he has always been good to him. Richard said that Conan is the martyr in all of this though. He said that if everyone that has come out to support him now had watched his show when it was on, this never would have happened.
Howard said that Jay Leno seems to take all of this bullshit from NBC and he never leaves. He said he should have had some pride and gone somewhere else. Richard said he thinks that if he had gone on against Conan he probably could have beaten him. He said that's the way Jay does things. He's unstoppable.
Howard asked Richard about Roger Ebert and the new computer voice he has. Richard said he hasn't spoken to him since he got his own voice on the computer. He said he did speak to him when he had the generic voice on his computer. He said Roger is very fast and he is able to keep up. Richard said that Roger has people who talk louder to him thinking he's lost his hearing. He said that his writing is better than ever too. He said the guy is tough and he's been through a lot. Richard said he's doing much better than he could ever do himself.
Howard asked if Roger goes out to the movies. Richard said he's at every movie and he'll be there with the audiences. He said that he's got a film festival coming up soon too.
Howard said it must be tough to be around. Richard said that he can't talk or eat and those are two things that Roger loved to do.
Howard said that Richard was with this really beautiful woman and he gave her the heave ho. He asked if he has a hot girlfriend now. Richard said he does. Howard told him he should have brought her in there. Richard said she's not even in this country. He said he wouldn't bring her on the show ever.
Howard asked Richard what she does. Richard said she's done some acting and stuff. Howard asked what she's been in but Richard was trying to protect her and kept it quiet.
Howard asked Richard if he took any video or pictures of the chick. Richard said you have to be careful doing that these days.
Howard asked Richard how he got into the movie reviewing thing. Richard said he didn't go to school to get into that and he just lucked out when he did the show with Roger after Gene Siskel died.
Howard said that Richard backed him up ion his comments about Gabourey Sidibe even though he said they were kind of crude. Howard said that he was saying that a woman that fat isn't going to get regular work in Hollywood. Richard said people thought Howard was making fun of her but he was just commenting on how she's not going to get work in many movies. Richard said that Jessica Biel is a hot chick and she can't get a date in a movie she's in.
Richard said that people seemed to think that they were being exposed for what they say about Gabbby. He said that there were women who weigh nothing who were talking about how beautiful Gabby looked at the Academy Awards.
Howard said he thinks that the reason it caused such shock waves is because people wanted to talk about it and he was the one who broke the ice.
Howard said Richard wrote a book and he thinks he has a gambling problem. He said that he spoke to him about this one other time. The book is called ''Bet the House: How I Gambled Over a Grand a Day for 30 Days on Sports, Poker, and Games of Chance.'' Howard said that it seems that Richard is a gambler but he doesn't think he is. Richard said he wanted to explore the world of gambling and that's why he wrote this book. He said that anything you can gamble on is what America is about.
Richard set a goal to bet at least $1,000 a day for a month to see what would happen. He said there were times when he would bet 10-15 times that amount. He said he was betting on anything and everything. He said he was betting on dog races and stuff like that. Howard said that he and his father would bet on dog races together and he would hit based on a number he saw on the wall.
Howard said that Richard bet Artie on the show one day and he won. Artie sent him a check and wrote him a check that said ''Here fruity, here's your fucking money.'' He had a longer letter that Howard read from Richard's book.
Howard said Richard was betting frivolously and he didn't care about what he was betting on. Howard said he found out that the less effort he put into it, the better he did. He said he was winning on things where he should have been losing. Richard said he was doing really good on the slots. He gambled on the slots for days and he was making thousands doing it. Richard said that he was doing too good and he was finding that he was winning too much.
Howard asked if he bet too much on stuff toward the end just so he'd show that you can't win all the time. Richard said it would have been kind of depressing if he had lost every day. Richard didn't want to give away the end of the book though so he kept that a secret so people would have to check out the book.
Howard said that Richard reviews movies too. He said one of Richard's favorite movies of 2009 was ''Brothers.'' Robin said she wants to see that. Howard said it was a great movie. He said no one saw it though. Richard said the movie was better than Hurt Locker. Howard said Richard liked ''Up in the Air'' too. Howard said he liked that. Hurt Locker was another one that Richard liked. Richard liked Inglourious Basterds and Up. He liked Avatar but he said that James Cameron filmed the movie with 3D in mind and you felt like it was part of the movie. He said that Clash of the Titans was bad. He said they filmed it and then they added the 3D elements and that just doesn't work.
Richard said the 3D fad is back and they don't need to do that. He said that they're going to bring out a lot of movies that shouldn't be in 3D because of that. Howard said he doesn't like the 3D effect because it's very dizzying. He said he saw Avatar and thought it was too dark but it turned out he had his sunglasses on under the 3D glasses. He said he hopes they don't make everything in 3D because he's not that thrilled with it.
Howard said Richard liked ''Adventureland'' but he didn't know what that was. Richard said that Kristin Stewart was in that. They talked about that and some other movies that were on Richard's list. Richard told Howard about some of the movies that no one saw and how they just get lost. He said that some of them don't do well in the theaters but they may do okay on DVD.
Howard asked if Sandra Bullock deserves the Oscar for ''Blind Side.'' Richard said no. He said that she was good in the movie though. He said that Meryl Streep should have won. He said that she's an amazing actress. Howard agreed with him on that. Richard said Sandra was good but not as good as Meryl Streep.
Howard said that you have to feel bad for Sandra after she found out about her husband cheating on her. Howard said that she had to have known that some of that stuff was going on. Richard said that she made such a big deal out of the guy too and that's what's sad. Richard said she was the one who didn't fit into the mould.
Howard asked Richard if he's in the camp that thinks that Sandra should get her head tattooed so she fits in with Jesse James. Richard laughed at that. He said that's like the people who think that Elin should get implants and start dancing at strip clubs.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Roger Ebert has ever admitted how much he hated Gene Siskel. Richard asked the guy what kind of inside info he had. Howard said that they did kind of have a bit of a battle all the time. He said they would argue about everything and they would even argue about McDonald's and Burger King. They were passionate and articulate when they'd argue no matter what it was about. Howard said that they were great guests on the show because they had opinions about everything.
Another caller said that they always bring up Kathy Bates when they talk about Gabby Sidibe but she's not in the same league. Howard said he knows that and he'd want Gabby to get a lot of roles. He said he doesn't want her to fail.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he had to correct Howard on Gabourey Sidibe. He said that Howard said she would never work at all. He wasn't just saying that she would never get a leading role. Howard said he meant that even if it didn't come out that way. He said he and Robin were commenting on the way Oprah was kissing her ass and making it sound like she's going to be in a lot of leading roles. Howard said he has nothing against her.
Another caller said that Richard is on WLS radio and he follows Mancow and Rush Limbaugh. Richard said that Mancow has actually been fired but Rush is still on the show. The caller said that the whole station leans to the right. Richard said he knows that. Howard asked if she thinks that he shouldn't be on there. She said she thought Richard was a little more enlightened than that. Richard said he's not going to change his views just because the host is conservative. Richard said that he thinks that maybe he'll bring something new to the station and maybe some new listeners.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Hurt Locker and what he thought about that. He said that the guy the movie was based on isn't getting paid. Howard said that the guy claims that the story was his and it was stolen from him but he doesn't know anything about that. Richard said a reporter was embedded with the troops so that's what the movie was based on. The caller said that they changed a couple of things in the movie and it's kind of like what happened to Howard and ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader.'' Howard said he doesn't know that much about what's going on with that movie. He said that he didn't really care either.
Howard told Richard he will read his book ''Bet the House: How I Gambled Over a Grand a Day for 30 Days on Sports, Poker, and Games of Chance'' and told the fans to check him out in Chicago on that radio station.
Ralph called in and asked Richard if he thinks that James Cameron should have won for best director. Richard said he did think he should have. He said the story in Hurt Locker was better than Avatar though. Ralph asked what movie should have won best picture. Richard said he loved Hurt Locker. He said he thinks that Inglourious Basterds was great too though.
Howard asked Richard how many women he's working now. Richard said he was just about out of there and he had to hit him with that. Ralph said Richard had that really hot chick. He asked who dumped who. Richard said that was a long time ago, he doesn't remember. Howard asked if he's going to talk about sex on the radio show. Richard said he'll do that just like Rush Limbaugh does. Howard said he'd actually listen if Rush did that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that gamblers aren't the only ones watching sports. He said the people he hangs out with don't bet either. He said that he likes sports without the gambling. Howard said that's not exactly what Richard said and there are a lot who just enjoy the games. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said they have a story about former advertiser Sit and Sleep asking Howard to come back to Los Angeles because they're lost many customers not having his show to advertise on. Howard said that his listeners do support their sponsors. He said that they're absolutely right.
Steve said they have a story about how 86 percent of polled fans saying that Ross should not be allowed to use the bathroom.
They also have a story about Gary's opening pitch being voted the worst pitch ever on HuffingtonPost.com. Steve said that Gary is going to be hosting an awards show for audible books. That led to Gary saying that he'd love for someone to find video of Chris Rock's opening pitch because that was even worse than his. He said that it's nowhere to be found though. He said that Rock's publicist must have had it erased somehow.
Steve also got in plugs for Jackie Martling and Riley Martin's shows that are on tonight at 7 and Midnight.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show and that led to them talking about the iPad again. Howard said that it's cool but he's not sure what he could do with it. Jon agreed with him on that. He said it's very cool but that's the dilemma.
Howard said that if he could get the newspaper in there every day then maybe he'd like it. He said that he likes looking at physical magazines though. He said he'd pay for a newspaper to be delivered like that though. Howard said that when you're in the newspaper it's something cool. He said there's a certain importance when you're in a magazine or newspaper. He said he'd like to be just sitting and reading the actual paper though. Howard said he likes that experience. Fred agreed.
Howard said he's around all of these gadgets all the time and he likes to just sit down with a piece of paper once in a while. He said he likes comic books too. Jon said that the Marvel app for the iPad is pretty cool. He said that it's a pretty good app. Howard said he'd like to put his chess books on one of those things too. He said he's pretty sure that those books wouldn't be on there.
Howard said he isn't going to rush out and get an iPad. He said he would like it if he could get the NY Post, NY Times and the Daily News... and comic books... and books. Gary said that a lot of that stuff is available.
Gary told Howard that there are people who have sent him this information about Chris Rock's pitch being pulled down by his publicist and the people at MLB. Gary said that Chris is really bummed about that pitch and it really bothers him. He said he didn't know how he felt about it until he was in the same position.
Howard told Gary he should try to do the same thing that Chris did. Gary said that they're very expensive and he's not sure that she'd take him on for just a short time. He said that it's like 5 grand a month for a 3 month minimum. He's not sure it's worth the money. Howard said it might be.
Ralph called in to chime in on the iPad. Ralph said he likes to read the real paper and not look through it on the iPad. He said that he does need time apart from his love though. He said that this thing needs a case though and they only have like 3 out. He said it needs something around it and he may go into business making iPad cases. Robin said that no one will ever see one then.
Ralph told Howard the Marvel app is really cool. He said the pages turn like a book and you can do screen shots and save a panel if you want. Ralph said the app is free and you can get some free books from them too. Howard said he has some coffee table books that he really likes but he wouldn't be able to do that with an iPad. Howard let Ralph go and said that the controversy rages on.
Jon told Howard that there's a new Blackberry OS. He said he upgraded and likes it. Howard said that his mouse keeps getting stuck so he's kind of bummed about that. He said he's very disappointed in that. Jon told him that there's a new one coming out that will have a new mouse pointer that he might like. Howard said he loves his Verizon service because he can make calls from basements in the city if he has to.
Howard said he went to the eyeglass store to get his glasses adjusted. He said he wanted to hire the girl there to come work at his house to make the adjustments.
Howard asked Robin if she stays in touch with Martina. Robin said she does. Howard asked if she's getting some nice vag these days. Robin said she has a girlfriend that lives in Paris. Howard wondered if they're accepting of the lesbian lifestyle in France. Robin said that she's sure they're accepting of everything over there. Howard said he imagines rough sex between them. He said that she's probably more of a man in bed than he is.
Howard said he's surprised that Martina hasn't converted Robin yet. Robin said she has no interest at all. Fred played some porn clips and Howard asked Robin if she would do it just one night if she was asked to do it. Robin said no to that too. Howard said Martina could probably satisfy Robin better than he ever could.
Robin started her news with a story about a 19 year old kid who smashed his Apple iPad with a baseball bat outside a Best Buy store. Robin said the kid said he wanted to be the first one to do it. Howard said that Robin just said he was a 19 year old high school student. He said he thought they threw kids out before they got that old. Howard said he hopes that he's a senior at least.
Robin asked Howard if he would be able to be part of a firing squad. Howard said it depends on who it is. Robin said she's not sure she could do it. Howard said that if it was Hitler or Osama bin Laden then he could do it. Robin said she's not sure she could pull the trigger. She said she could do the lethal injection thing but not the shooting.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he didn't graduate until he was 21. Howard said Jeff really is a loser at everything he does. Howard found out that Jeff was 18 when he got into his accident and that held him back even more than he was already being held back. Jeff said he failed some classes in 9th grade so that held him back a year. He said he was a Junior when he had his accident. Howard said he must have been in 10th grade. Jeff said that must be right. Howard got a laugh out of that whole thing.
Gary said they were talking about Jeff the other day. He said that Jeff blames everything on his arm but he doesn't think that his life would be any different with or without the use of that arm.
Gary said it's impossible that he was held back just one year. Jeff said he had to stay back one year for failing the 9th grade stuff. He said he had to go to 9th grade 3 years in a row. Howard asked what he was failing in 9th grade. Jeff said it was social studies.
Howard said Will Murray had cancer and he had to stay back a year but he still graduated at 19. Howard said that some of the stuff had to have sunk in with Jeff in social studies. Jeff said he had to do it three years. Howard said that people say that teachers pass kids through just to get them out but they obviously didn't do that with Jeff.
Gary asked Jeff if he blames all of his bad luck on his accident. Jeff said ''Um, not really.'' Howard said he must not have gotten chicks back then either. Jeff said he was the cool kid back then. He was the bad boy. Howard said he was the Jesse James of his high school. That's why he drove his car into a wall.
Howard said it's nearly impossible to be 21 in high school. Jeff said he started school at the right age. Jeff said he was on Romper Room when he was a kid. Howard said he just found out he was voted most likely to become an alcoholic. Howard let him go after that and went to break.
After the break we heard some prank calls Richard and Sal made to a sports call in show where they were cursing and making sexual references. Fred played a Rihanna song as they were coming back.
Howard came back and asked if Rihanna is still in high school at 20-something. He had Robin get back to her news a short time later.
Robin read a story about how inmates are peddling for TV in Maricopa County. Robin read that they have to do that to get power for their TV. They have to do that in temperatures up to 122 degrees at times. Howard said he could never do that. He can't multitask. Robin said they started with the women because they were more receptive to the idea.
Robin read a story about a snowmobile who died when he started an avalanche. Howard said he never does anything like that. Robin read some details about that and said they were able to pull his head above the snow shortly after but it was too late. Howard said he doesn't get why anyone would want to do something like that to begin with.
Robin read a story about Madonna spending a week in Africa. She went to Malawi to visit the area where she's starting a school. She adopted some kids from down there too. Howard said she does some really good things. Robin said she's putting $15 million into the school there. Howard said that's a pretty loving and giving thing to do.
Robin read some news about the mining accident in West Virginia. Robin said that there was an underground explosion and it trapped and killed at least 25 miners. 4 others are missing. Robin said they had to stop the search because of noxious gasses in the mine. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about why they had to stop the search.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard should go out and try throwing a pitch in front of 40,000 people. Howard said he would never do that even though he knows he can throw better than Gary. The caller said that Obama threw like a girl yesterday. Gary said that it was high but the catcher was able to catch it.
The caller said that Obama wore the White Sox cap for the black people in Chicago. He said he knows he did it for that. Howard said he didn't know that's what it was about. The guy said the guy who called in last week about his book was right about that stuff he was talking about. He said it's rough out on the streets. Howard said that guy was very opinionated. He said everyone is so consumed with race, it's crazy.
Howard said he's pulling for Obama and hopes that it doesn't turn these wack jobs on all blacks. Robin said it won't hurt anymore than it already does. Howard said he's afraid that people will become very racist.
Robin read about Tiger Woods' press conference that he had yesterday. Howard said no one was asking any good questions. He said they did ask him about the golf club thing and if his wife hit him with it. He wasn't talking so he took that as a ''yes.'' Howard read a list of the things that no one was asking. They had some questions in the NY Post and they wanted to know why he never wears condoms and things like that. Robin had some audio from the press conference that she had Howard play.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jeff the Drunk graduated High School the same time that a lot of people graduate college. Howard said that was a good point.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Howie Mandel or Tiny Tim was a better OCD guest. Howard said Tiny was the best guest ever. He said that guy made great radio every time he was on. He said that Tiny had no filter on him at all. He said that Tiny could have lived longer if he had heart surgery but he didn't want it.
Robin read some news about the President's first pitch. She had some audio of him coming out to boos at the game. Howard said he doesn't like it when people boo the President. He said that bums him out.
Robin read a story about a poll that was done that found that a lot of people find the views of the Tea Party to be close to what they think. Howard said he bets that people think it's about tea and that they're going to get tea.
Robin read a story about the Vatican's top officials being in denial about the child molestation cover up. Robin said they found paper work showing that a priest had molested some young girls. The guy thought it wasn't a sin if the girls didn't touch him. Howard went into his Pope voice and said he wasn't in denial and that he needs new head shots.
Robin read a story about prescription drug poisoning's that have risen as a problem lately. They've found that Methadone is one of the biggest problems. Robin said that it's being prescribed to people who probably shouldn't be getting it.
Robin read a story about some blasts in Iraq that killed some people. Robin read the details of that and Howard said we're never going to get out of that country. He figures we're stuck there.
Robin read that Amy Winehouse has fallen into her old ways again. Robin said that she was seen leaving a pub with a friend and trying to cover her head. She was out ''Easter drinking'' according to the reports she read.
Robin said they say that Lindsay Lohan is making appearances and she may be charging less than the people on Jersey Shore. Gary said he read that she's only $2,500. Howard said he might have her over to his house for a day. He said he's going to use the money for the softball team for that instead. Howard asked if they'd rather have the team or Lindsay in the office for a day. Gary said that he'd take Lindsay in the office for a day. Howard said he should do that for their next Christmas party. He said that's a cool fuckin' thing. Robin said that's quite a fall from that thriving movie career she had. Howard said it's a mind bending reality.
Robin read that Jesse James is in another rehab center and they're saying that he left the one center because of all of the leaks coming out of there.
Robin said that Dennis Hopper has been forced to pay $12,000 a month to his estranged wife and child. Robin said he's said to be terminally ill and filed for divorce in January. Howard said that guy was a great actor.
Robin read that Nicolette Sheridan is suing the people on Desperate Housewives and claiming she was hit on the set of the show. She's suing for assault and discrimination.
Robin read a few details about some new movies and had some audio of James Franco talking about a new movie he's in. Howard said he didn't know who that was but Robin told him that he was in Spider-Man. Howard said she should have said it was the Green Goblin, then he would have known. Robin had some other audio clips that Howard wasn't able to get through. He had no idea what these people were talking about.
Howard said he had to end the show but Robin had some more clips for him to play. Howard played one where this woman talked about her favorite line in a movie. It was some religious movie. Howard goofed on that clip for a minute and then wrapped up and ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon asked about what happened when he didn't come into the studio when Howard asked for him. Gary said that there was some confusion there. He said that happens once in a while.
Jon asked if Gary thinks that ''At The Movies'' was done after Roger Ebert left the show. Gary said he thinks it was kind of over after that. He said that it became a bunch of strangers doing the show and if you don't care about their opinion then you don't care about what they have to say.
Gary said that they used to have Siskel and Ebert on the show and it was a lot of fun. He said that Gene would get annoyed by Roger the most but they would get over it quickly. They were a great team.
Gary said that he's not even sure who was hosting ''At the Movies'' lately. Steve Brandano said they're still doing the show but it is technically canceled. He said he still likes the show. He said it's funny when they trash a movie on the show.
Jon asked Will about this book that Richard wrote and if that was kind of odd coming from a movie reviewer. Will said it was kind of strange but that's what he wanted to do. Will said he heard he wanted to do a Super Size Me for gambling kind of book.
Jon and Gary talked about gambling and playing slots. Gary said that Wheel of Fortune is the best slot machine and that's the only one he plays. He said KC got him turned on to that. He said there's nothing like hearing that ''Wheel... of... Fortune'' saying come on.
Gary said he doesn't gamble on baseball or basketball but he plays the fantasy football league so he's kind of gambling on that. Gary said he just watches the games because he enjoys it though. He said he doesn't have to gamble on it to enjoy it.
Will said that he and Jon both bet on football games. Will said that Artie was a gambler too. Will said that Joe Jordan from Howard TV is a big gambler too.
Gary said his father was a gambler. He said they went to the dog track one time and they were there for like 8 hours. He said he couldn't believe they were there and he thinks it's the stupidest thing that you can do. Jon said that Jai Alai is pretty ridiculous too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked where he can get this book they were talking about (Bet the House: How I Gambled Over a Grand a Day for 30 Days on Sports, Poker, and Games of Chance). They said it's out in book stores and online so it's not hard to find. The caller was also telling Gary how great he is at his job.
Jon took a call from a guy who told them to play the outside machines of they want to win on slot machines. He said that he knows because he works for a casino and he knows how they work.
Jon got back to Roeper and asked the guys about what they thought of Howard's reaction to him saying he's going to be doing radio. They talked about how being a good guest and a good host are different things. Richard has been good on the show so it's hard to tell if he'll be good as a host.
The guys also talked about the movies that Richard and Howard talked about. Jon and Gary said they liked Adventureland. Gary hadn't seen Brothers yet so he said he had to see that one.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows that Chris Rock threw that awful pitch as a comedic thing. Gary said that Chris was embarrassed by it and it wasn't a goof as far as he could tell.
Gary said he was in the elevator with a morning host there and the guy asked if he was doing that as a joke. Gary said he really didn't do it as a joke. He said his pitch was the real thing and not a goof. People thought it was.
The caller said that Chris Rock's pitch had to be a fake. Gary said it wasn't though. He insisted it was real. The caller still wasn't sure about it. Gary said he would probably pay to get rid of his pitch from the web if he could now. He said that day he didn't think much of it but now he would probably do it differently.
Jon took another call from a guy who said Richard is a great guest and a great guy. He said he wanted to know if he has ever used his two thumbs up on any girlfriend's. He didn't get any reaction and there was some silence for a few seconds there. The caller said that joke must have bombed. Gary said that everyone waits for them to laugh. He said his favorite calls are the guys who call in with jokes and crowbar them into calls.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard just wanted to get out today and Robin kept going with her boring ass stories. Gary said there was a great moment when he looked at the clock around 10:46 and Robin had more stories. The caller said that Robin just keeps it going. Gary said that's her job though. He said Robin has to do her news. The caller said the world isn't going to end if she doesn't read a story.
Jon said he gets that Robin wants to do her stories but Howard wants to get out of there. It's kind of a fun game to watch when they do that.
Jon asked about basketball. Gary said that Howard played against Nils Loftgren and he lost to him. Gary said that Howard claims he could beat him but Nils was good and beat him.
Gary said he'd like to compete against Howard in running, bowling and things like that. Gary said he thinks that he could beat Howard at some of the stuff.
Jon said that Howard was also talking about the $2,500 that Howard was going to give them for the softball team. Now it might be going to Lindsay Lohan to get her on the show. Jon said the softball thing won't be happening for other reasons. Will said that it's a lot of work and he's not going to deal with it this season. He said that Jared Fox may step up and take care of it though.
A caller said that there was some discussion about Vanity Fair being a woman's magazine or not. He said that he doesn't think it is but Gary disagreed. Gary said the magazine has a lot of women's ads but there are some great articles in the magazine. He said it's a lot of entertainment stuff and it's no more girly than Entertainment Weekly or something like that.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Will is his favorite on the show. He said he should come in and yell at people more. Will said he's on a roll lately. The caller also talked about Robin calking a baseball double as a ''two baser'' today. He asked Will why he doesn't call her out on that. Will said that he just sits in his area and minds his business. Will said he likes this fan club he has now. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that it was funny how Howard said that Beth saw right through his comments and knew he was thinking she was going to bring up kids. He had Teddy play a clip of Howard talking about that.
Jon asked Gary if he's surprised Howard is going to California. Gary said he's a very supportive husband and it's not that surprising. Jon said that this proves it because he hates flying and he's going to California.
Jon said it was funny that Howard brought up how Robin changed their vacation week and this is the week they would have been off. Gary said his kid even brought that up at school when some kids asked if he was going anywhere for vacation. He said his son said that it was because Robin had changed their vacation week that they weren't going anywhere.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard should fly out to California on a private jet. Gary said Howard didn't say how he's flying. The caller said Howard may just give up and have the kid.
Gary said they asked him what channel he wanted on and he suggested First Wave. He said that they have some good music on there. He said it was the stuff he liked back in the day and he loved that 80s music. He said Lisa was her usual lively self in the room at the time. Gary said that she never appears to be having fun. He told her to just have fun in there and just dance. He said she just asks questions though.
Jon said she seems to be having fun in her own way. Gary asked if she's having fun like an Autistic kid has fun in her own world. Jon laughed and said Gary said that, not him.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked about how they'd rate Tracey's anger toward humanity. Gary said it's not toward humanity, it's toward people who piss her off. Gary said that the key word for her is respect. He said if you disrespect her then she will erupt. The woman said that it seems very intense. Gary said maybe they'll see if she's available for Meet the Shrink.
The caller also asked about Ralph's contributions to the show on a scale of 10. Gary said 8 and Jon agreed with him on that. He said that he does get on his nerves sometimes and probably on Gary's too. Gary said that Ralph can say some douchey stuff but sometimes he's on the money with his comments. Jon said that Tracey is doing another show on April 26th so the caller can tune in to hear that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that on Cold Case this weekend they used ''Fred Norris'' as a name for a guy who was killed on a show. Gary said that they get a lot of stuff like that and they should get to the clips this week sometime.
Jon asked Gary about the Bill Maher discussion they had today. Gary said that Bill can be kind of testy when you talk to him. He said that the best thing to do with him is leave him alone and let him read the paper in the green room. He said that Bill has an arrogance but that's part of his comedy. He said that he knows Bill thinks he's better than them because he's the ''smart comedian'' and they're the dirty ones. Gary said he thinks that they could patch up the Bill Maher thing but it's up to Bill wanting to come back on the show. He thinks that could happen though.
Another caller said that he wanted to follow up on the chicken sandwich they were talking about earlier today. The caller said he is a cyclist and he burns about 1200 to 1500 calories riding a bike for an hour. He said that Jason isn't going to burn off that sandwich as fast as he thinks.
Gary said that he used to do 20 miles a night himself. He said he loved riding his bike. He said he's going to start riding again and they're going to head out over the George Washington Bridge with him, Tim and Jason.
Gary said that they did want to put on a boxing match between then but he doesn't want to kick his ass enough to make it worth the trouble. He said that he'd need someone he wanted to beat up to get into the ring.
The caller asked Gary who he has been mad at enough to punch. Gary said that Ralph was at that point once. He said they almost went to blows in front of the whole show. Gary said they had a screening of Private Parts and he put his jacket down and Ralph moved it. He said he got into an argument about that and he wanted to hit Ralph over that. He said that they both got pissed but Ralph probably wasn't even mad at him.
Ralph was on the line and said that he was kind of blasse about the whole thing and Gary was really pissed. He said it was really a stupid argument. Ralph said he has no hate for Gary at all. He said he could box him but he doesn't dislike him at all. He said they get under each other's skin but it's just fun stuff. He said that people just don't get it and they think that they want to fight.
Jon asked Ralph if he has ever wanted to fight someone. He said that Stuttering John was one who he might have wanted to fight for a short time. He said he gets over that stuff though. Gary said that Ralph stays in pretty good shape and he doesn't think he'd be easy to beat. He may not have that killer instinct though. Ralph said he really doesn't.
Ralph said he's had people yell at him and he gets shaky. He said he only stays in shape to look good and not to fight.
Jon said that Billy West wanted to punch him one time. Ralph said he didn't even remember that but he heard the story when Billy told it.
Gary said that John was always ready to fight. He and Ralph almost got into a fight over a sneaker that John threw at Ralph. Ralph said he once threw a shovel at his sister and it came really close to hitting her. He said that he was under 10 at the time and it freaked him out. He said ever since then he's been afraid to get physical. Jon said Ralph is a pacifist... with an iPad. That led to Gary saying that he got to play with the iPad today and he liked it. He said that it was pretty cool but he's not sure he'd buy one. He said if he got one as a gift he'd take it. Ralph said he likes it so much that he'd pay $1000 for it. Gary said he went on the web and surfed a bit. Ralph told him he has to sit down and play with more of the apps and stuff. They had to end the show a short time later. As they were wrapping up they wondered what happened to Benjy. He didn't show up on the Wrap Up Show today. No one was sure what was going on with him.
Howard started the show welcoming everyone to a ''Monday'' show. Robin told Howard that she's no longer going to do the news after hearing the guy on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. She said that she irritated the guy and he said that she was irritating Howard too. Howard said Robin doesn't irritate him, Fred does. Howard said he lets the listeners get to him sometimes too. He said he hasn't been on the SternFanNetwork in about 6 months because of that. Robin said she can't go on that site either.
Howard said he thinks that they have digitized all of their shows and they should be able to pull up any show at any time but he's not sure where they are. He's not sure if Gary even knows where it is. He said he had Jason go look up a show because he read that Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey broke up. Howard said in April 21, 2009 he said that they wouldn't last. He said he predicted that they would break up in one year last year. He was right. Howard said he predicted that Jenny fucked the funny out of Jim and that they would be broken up by this time. He said they didn't even last the full year he predicted. Here's what I wrote on April 21, 2009:
Howard said he had a clip of Jenny McCarthy talking about her hyperbaric oxygen chamber on Ellen Degeneres' show. Howard said Jenny hooking up with Jim Carrey was the best move she's ever made. Howard figured that her time with him is limited though and he'll break up with her in no more than a year. Howard said that she'll have to come back on this show if that happens. He said that she stopped coming on the show when they started dating.
Howard said that people ridicule him about making predictions like that but then they come true. He said he thinks that Jenny will come back on the show now that this has happened.
Howard said he knew it wouldn't last and he was correct. Howard said that everyone would make fun of OJ Simpson when the murders happened and he was right about that. He predicted that Donald Trump's marriage would fail when he went to his wedding. He was right about that too.
Howard was crowing about all of this so Fred played some rooster sounds. Howard said that he also predicted that Gabourey Sidibe will have a hard time getting roles in Hollywood. He said she got on Saturday Night Live and that's great but he doesn't think there's a lot of work for her. He said that two years from now there will be people talking about how she's not getting any work and his prediction will be right again.
Howard said people are politically correct all the time and they don't want to say this stuff. Howard said they just don't want to tell the truth. Howard said everyone says it's a terrible thing so say and it's not true but it is true. He said he doesn't care and 8 more months there and no one will hear this stuff anymore.
Howard said that Jim might start talking out of his ass again now that this break up has happened. He said Jim should have stuck with that kind of character in movies. He said that's what he was great at.
Howard said he has stuck with doing radio for his whole career because that's what he's good at. Howard said he was in Rupert Murdoch's office one time and they were basically sucking his dick to take over Joan Rivers' show to go up against Johnny Carson. Howard said Rupert had this nice office with 4 TV sets on the wall. He said one was playing FOX, the others were ABC, NBC and CBS. Howard said he wasn't monitoring anything but he had them on anyway.
Howard said Rupert asked him what he could do for him and he gave him his philosophy for his career. He said this other Australian guy came in and he had no idea what either of them were saying. Howard said he turned to his agent and said he had no idea what he was saying and Don said he thinks that they liked him and wanted him on FOX. Howard said he was going to go up against Carson and he was ready to do it. He said it was all there for him and all he had to do was sign on the dotted line.
Howard said he thought about it and realized that he's good at doing radio. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to get into TV because they could ruin his whole career if they didn't like his show. Howard said he could stick to radio and keep doing what he does or give that up and go to TV. He said they could have fired him after 13 weeks if they wanted. He didn't want that kind of career. He said it took him a day or two to think about it.
Howard said they would have wanted him to have performed immediately on TV. He said Joan actually had decent ratings by today's standards but they didn't stick with her. He said the TV execs are retarded. He said they're all nuts.
Howard said they brought in a bunch of execs to pick a replacement for him at K-Rock and they picked David Lee Roth. Howard said the guy was the front man for Van Halen and not a radio guy so he wasn't going to be able to perform immediately. Howard said that might be even more difficult than late night TV.
Howard said he saw a text from Fred on his phone. Fred said that it wasn't him. Howard said it was just sent. It turns out it was Fred. Fred said he thought he was getting a text, he didn't know it was an email that was going to his phone. Howard said that he gets his email first thing in the morning and reads through it. Howard asked Fred how he can read through it now. Fred said he's the one who suffers through it because he sent a bunch of stuff last night and thought he sent that one too. Howard said he's sorry he even brought this up.
Howard said he can't check that mail to read it on the air if it's just being sent now. Jason prints out the stuff early in the morning for him to go through during the show. He and Fred went back and forth on that for a minute.
Howard said that they still use Lotus Notes and Jeff Jarvis (BuzzMachine.com) was goofing on him about using it. Howard said that they use it for security reasons and even banks use it for that reason. Howard said he doesn't know the systems and he has a consultant who suggested it. Howard said that Jeff Schick is an IBM guy so he suggested that and that's why he goes with it. Robin said Howard isn't a geek that keeps up with every system out there.
Howard said Fred doesn't have a phone that works with Lotus Notes so that doesn't help. Fred said he has an iPhone. Howard said he just wants to go home. He said Robin doesn't want to do the news and he doesn't want to do the show.
Howard said the point he was trying to make this morning was that he predicted the Jim and Jenny break up. He said he also wanted to point out that Jim should have stuck with his comedy.
Jeff Jarvis called in and told Howard that he's an old fart technologically. Howard said that Jeff Schick is the one who suggested the Lotus Notes thing. Jeff said that he was invited to come in and see the wonders of Lotus by Jeff Schick. Howard said that Schick tells him that Lotus Notes is the most secure system out there. Jarvis asked if he has top secret farts or something. Howard said that they write to each other constantly and they don't want anyone hacking into their system. Jeff said that they could do it in a different way and just put it out there publicly.
Howard said they have stuff they don't want out there. Howard said that they don't want anything coming out about guests and things like that. He said that they could say that they don't want Jeff on the show anymore because he's not relevant or something like that. He said that they could say that Jeff sucked the last 10 times he was on and they don't need that getting out there in the wild.
Jeff said there are whole companies who are using Google Docs to collaborate on stuff like that. Howard said that Jeff Schick tells him that the Google thing is more hackable. Jarvis told Howard that he's using scare tactics.
Jeff told Howard that he got an iPad and he's returning it. He said he doesn't get the use of it. He said he has a TV and he doesn't need to watch TV on that. He said you can't use it for a lot of things even though he's an Apple fanboy. Howard said he gets that. He said that the laptop is so much better for him. He said he can surf the web and open mail and watch videos and stuff. Howard said he doesn't think that he would use the iPad either. Jeff said that you can write more on it than an iPhone but not much.
Howard asked Jeff if he thinks there will be a lot of returns. Jeff said he doesn't think so. He said there are a few people he knows that are going to return it but he thinks that a lot will keep it. He said he's going to see some new tablets next week. He said here is going to be a lot of competition for it.
Howard and Jeff spent a minute talking about the mail system again. Howard asked why they can't get into Lotus Notes with the iPhone. Jeff said that they're writing closed applications for it. He said that if you use a browser for the web on it, then you can get into it. He said that Word and Lotus notes just haven't kept up with that stuff.
Howard let Jeff go and said that he hasn't been goofed on about his software before. He said that was kind of funny. Robin said that Richard has Lotus Notes on his iPhone. Howard said that it doesn't ''push'' though. Robin didn't even know what that meant.
Pittsburgh Pete called in and said that he thinks Howard wants to retire for the same reasons Artie tried to commit suicide. He said that Howard isn't going to be able to keep up with the daily routine and he wants out. Howard said that's not the reason and he's completely wrong.
Howard told Pete that he's not depressed from his daily routine. Pete said he thinks he is because he's been doing it for 30 years. Howard said he's a guy who loves routine. He said that when he's not in a routine he gets very uncomfortable. Robin said that's like a baby that gets cranky not having a nap. Howard said that he didn't like her putting it that way but she's right. He said that he doesn't like not having something to do in a routine.
Howard said his problem is that he wants to be doing more than one thing. He said he'd like to be out with Beth today but he has to be at work. If he's there eat work he has to turn down other things. Pete asked why he would want to give this up then. Howard said he takes radio very seriously and the pressure of doing a good show gets to him. Pete said that's his point. He said the pressure is holding him down. Howard said he's not being held down. He said it's about pleasing the audience. He doesn't have to worry about ratings anymore but he wants to please the audience.
Howard said he heard from Ronnie that Bubba had a 0.0 rating in one market. He said that would drive him nuts. Howard said Bubba is doing great in other markets but that one is going to make him crazy.
Howard said he gets on the air and has to prove to people that he's funny. He said he has to do that every morning. Pete asked if that's what happened to Artie. Howard said Artie has deep seeded problems. He said he's in a different kind of way than they are. Howard said the suicide attempt was when they were off for a couple of weeks and Artie hadn't even been there for a couple of weeks before that.
Pete said he thinks that Artie did it because he had this great job and he couldn't believe he was going to give it up and tried to kill himself. Howard said he's not sure what drove Artie into that kind of shape but he's been suffering with addiction and other things for years. Howard said Artie had tried to kill himself at MAD TV so he doesn't think it was the routine. He said he has a bigger issue.
Howard said Pete might be right about him but not about Artie. Pete said that he signed up for a lifetime subscription and the guy who he spoke to said that he would stick around and not leave. Howard said they probably outsource those people and he's probably in India telling him that he's not leaving.
Pete said that someone has to be telling those guys what to say over there. Howard said that's crazy stuff. He said he's heard other things about what customer service is telling customers. He said that people were asked if they would cancel if he left so he complained and they stopped.
Pete told Howard that what the guy told him actually convinced him to get a lifetime subscription to the service. Howard did an impression of the guy telling him about that stuff.
Pete asked Howard to talk to them honestly about what's going on with Artie. Howard said he really doesn't know. He said he loves Artie, he's the best. He said that this is such a discussion about how Artie is feeling and doing and he has no idea. Howard said he'd need a doctor to tell him what's going on. Fred said that they say that people sometimes can't see straight for a year or more after something like that.
Howard said that this is about Artie's family and it's up to them to deal with. He said he did speak to Artie a little while back and he seems to be getting better. Howard said Artie may have needed to get away from the show. He's not sure. Fred did his Customer Service guy telling Pete about Artie leaving the show and telling him that Howard is going to stay there no matter what.
Pete said that Artie was a huge part of the show and he lost his mind. He said that he had his drug problems and he just lost it. Pete said maybe he thought he wasn't funny anymore and wanted to go out the right way. Pete said that maybe Artie will come back to comedy and then people will want to see him because he's the guy who tried to kill himself. He said it's all a marketing plan. Howard didn't seem to think that's what it was. Pete had to get going after that.
Bobo asked who he thinks is going to be the most successful out of the people in the back. Jason, Will, Sal and Richard were the options. Howard said he thinks that Sal will be the most successful. Howard said Sal is starting to get his stand-up thing together and that would make him money. He said that's if he leaves. He said if he stays then they'll keep Sal down.
Howard said he's happy that Jenny and Jim broke up. He's not sure why. Howard said he thinks it's because Jenny said that she would have sex with him anytime. He said that angered him that they were together. Robin said Jim was having his good time. Howard said that must be it. He said he doesn't want her to be happy and he wants her to be pining away for him.
Howard wondered if Jim gave her a bunch of money so he won't feel guilty. Robin said that's probably what's going to happen.
Robin said Jenny was having a great time in that situation. She said that she loved every second of that. Robin thinks that she thought of it like being the first lady. Howard said Jenny stopped doing their show. Howard said when she comes back he's going to ask her about that. Howard said that he's sure it was Jim who didn't want to get married and he was probably the one who broke up.
Howard said he's so happy about this. He couldn't stop saying that. Howard wondered if Jim dumped her or did he just act like he didn't want to be with her.
Howard said that they say that Tiki was upset about his father abandoning his mother and him when he left. Now he's doing the same to his wife and unborn twins. Howard said you have to suck it up when your wife is pregnant with twins. He said you might even put in a year with the kids before you break up. Robin said that if he doesn't want to be with her then they should break up.
Howard read the quotes from Tiki where he said it was a painful thing. Robin said it's painful for the wife, not for Tiki who has the hot blonde.
Howard said that everyone gets upset in a situation like this. He said he thinks that he should stick around for a year or so at least though. Robin said that he doesn't have to pretend that he's happy though. She said he should be in the delivery room at least. Then he can go away.
Robin wondered if this woman will be called a home wrecker if Tiki marries her. She said that she saw Kirstie Alley on Jay last night calling all of the women who were with Tiger Woods ''prostitutes.'' Howard said he heard that Whoopi Goldberg admitted that she cheated when she was married. She had 5 guys. Howard said he fell off his chair when he heard that she had 5 guys. Howard said he wants to see those guys.
Howard got a note saying Jon weighs over 250 pounds. He said that maybe he is obese. The caller said that Jon's co-host, Rachel Fine, is hot too. Howard said they have clips from the show they don't use on the air and they put it together in a cool way. He said Jon and Rachel work together really well too.
Howard asked if Benjy is obese too. Robin said he has slimmed down. She said he might be just ''overweight'' now. Howard said Jason is obese. He said that Richard Christy may be obese too. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said he might be getting there. She said he may look bigger than he really is because of the clothes he wears.
Howard said he really doesn't think that Jon is that big. Jon said he's 6'3'' tall so he's overweight. He said he doesn't think he's obese. He said Richard is close to him in that way but Jason is the obese one. Howard said it might be that fast food they eat. He asked what he had for lunch yesterday. Jon said he had a chicken sandwich from Lenny's. He said it was a hero with chicken on it. It was grilled chicken, not fried. He didn't have any condiments on it either.
Howard did some math and said that Jon is technically obese. Jon said that he's on the border of being obese by the stats they were quoting.
The caller told Howard how great it has been since they went to SIRIUS. The caller asked if he could get a tour up there because he's a broadcasting student. Howard said he would give him a tour but they had said they weren't going to do that anymore. Howard said he was going to do it because he's in broadcasting. Howard thought the guy was an older guy but he was only 25.
Howard said that if you really want to laugh, watch the end of ''Private Parts.'' He said he was talking about how he knows what he has and how much he appreciates it and then he got divorced.
Howard read some quotes from Sandra Bullock where she was telling Jesse James how great he was. That led to him talking about how Sandra is claiming that she's never done a sex tape with Jesse and there will be nothing coming out. Howard said he read that Jesse had shit and was rubbing the shit on her. He read that he had given her a dirty Sanchez and stuff like that. He read that Jesse also put a shotgun up to her during sex or something too. Howard said that rumor was great and that would really fuck guys up if they thought Sandra was doing that kind of thing. He said that there would have been accidental deaths all over the place because of the gun play.
Howard said he read that Jesse is an actual descendant of the actual Jesse James too. Robin said she read that too. Howard said Sandra was saying that the sex video rumor was all bullshit. Howard said she claims they were never into that stuff.
Howard said if he heard that Sandra had gotten a Dirty Sanchez he would have to rethink his whole sex life. He said he'd think that Beth would want that kind of thing. He said maybe you just do it and the chick loves it. He said it would confuse a lot of guys.
Howard said he and Beth had a romantic night watching American Idol. He said that she actually fell asleep watching the show. He said she doesn't really like the show.
Howard said he only likes Simon on that show. He hates it when Ellen talks. He said that he starts yelling when they start to talk and he wakes Beth up. He said she was asleep and woke her up and he was trying to show that he could be a judge on that show. Howard said Beth told him that he's never going to be a judge on that show. He said he was just trying to show that Ellen doesn't know what she's doing.
Gary had the clip for Howard to play. In the clip Benjy asked Fred if he had told his daughter why he had changed his name. Fred told Benjy he didn't want to go down that road with him. Benjy just wondered if he had told her about his two names. Fred said she's only 7 years old so he hasn't explained it to her.
Howard said he's going to legally change his name to Dirty Sanchez. He said his career could have been huge if he had done that. He said it's a great name. He said it would have been cool to have been ''Dirty Sanchez.'' Howard said he bets there will be a Dirty Sanchez on the air eventually.
Howard said his dad has two names. He said he thinks his legal name is Bernard. Howard said his dad has told him this story like 10 times but he still doesn't understand. He said that they wrote down Bernard on the birth certificate and they may not have been able to understand her when they wrote the birth certificate. He said that his name was Berrel but then they call him Ben and it's really confusing. Howard said he's not sure what his real name was supposed to be. Howard said that on any paper work he fills out it's Benjamin. He said he's not sure what the whole story is.
Fred said that he might be kind of strange changing his name but he really doesn't get why Benjy won't talk about his birthday or this one relative. Fred said he tried to talk to Benjy about this and Benjy starts to freak out if you mention this one name. Howard thinks it's shtick. Gary said that you can shut Benjy up by saying this name.
Howard asked Benjy what's up with the relative. Benjy said he's explained it before and he doesn't want to talk about it. Gary said it's all an act. Howard asked Benjy what it was. Benjy said that he's talked about it a million times. Howard asked who the relative is and what it is that they did. Fred said the person is very illustrious. Gary said there is no proof that he's even related to that person.
Howard asked Benjy why he doesn't want to talk about this person. Benjy said he didn't do anything to him. He said that he can't discuss this person on the air. Benjy said they can talk about it amongst themselves but he's not going to talk about it. Howard asked if the person is a cousin. Benjy said he's not going to discuss it.
Howard said Benjy said it was his birthday a few weeks ago even though it wasn't. He didn't want to talk about that either.
Gary came in and said that Benjy has the same last name as this other person and he claims that it's dangerous to bring up this person on the air. Gary said that he thinks it's an act and he'll still do the act even if they're off the air talking at 3 in the morning. Howard told Benjy to channel his energy into bits for the air.
Howard said Benjy thinks that it's a funny bit and it's really just a waste of time. He told Benjy to be a man and stop joking around about that nonsense. Howard said that it should be on the air. He said that Benjy is on Facebook all the time doing this shtick and he hates that. He said he should be doing this stuff on the air.
Howard said that Benjy should be joking on the air and not on Facebook. He said there is no relative with Benjy either. He said that this guy has the same last name as Benjy so he does this shtick. He said it's not wroth it for doing a joke with two people. Howard said he has Benjy pegged and he'd love to be able to straighten him out.
Gary said the guy they're talking about was apparently involved in some alien autopsies many years ago. Gary said that there are people who think that Benjy created the Wikipedia page about that person. Howard said that would be funny but it's funny to two people. Howard said it's a big waste of time.
Howard said he had to take a break but he took a phone call. The caller said he's never heard Benjy say anything funny. Howard said he actually is funny and he has a lot of faith in the guy. He does waste a lot of time though. Howard said Benjy needs some parenting. Benjy said he still has parents. Howard said he knows that but he needs some help. The caller did an impression of Medicated Pete doing his George Takei impression. He did that quickly and Howard said he really had to go to break. He had a lot to get to after that.
Howard came back and said that the racist guy they had clips of yesterday, Glen Miller, called them saying that he had been booked on the show. Howard said they didn't book him so one of their listeners must have booked him.
Howard got Glen on the phone and found out he's running for Senate. Glen was saying that he'd like Howard to debate him on his show sometime. Howard asked him who he hates more, the Jews or the blacks. Glen said that it's the Jews and they're worse than the blacks by a lot. He said they control a lot of the country and the banks.
Howard said he spoke to a guy who said that it's actually the protestants who run the country and they all sit back and laugh at all of this fighting that goes on about the Jews. Glen said that's not what other people say and they think it's the Jews controlling the government.
Howard asked where a Jew is supposed to go to get in on the whole thing. Glen said that Howard has a lot of power and white people have nothing. Howard said that he doesn't feel he has any power. Howard said he likes Glen so he's going to release all of the Gentiles and give all of their power back today. Howard said he will go wherever Glen wants him to go. Howard wondered where all of these Jews get together to take control of the government.
Howard asked Glen if he has trademarked his slogan ''It's the Jews, stupid.'' Glen said that he hasn't yet. He was going off on the President too so Howard asked why he's not saying the N-word. Glen was just rambling about other stuff and wasn't answering that question.
Howard asked if he likes the Arabs. glen said he has a lot of respect for Muslim people. He said that he has a lot of respect for Louis Farrakhan. He said he's the greatest black man America has ever produced. He said that he's all for that guy and he's written a great book where he tells the truth about things in this country.
Howard asked Glen about not using the n-word. Glen said he's not comfortable using it. He said he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. He said that all white people use that word at some point, especially southerners like him.
Howard asked how the Jews got control of the government. Glen said that it's money, they used money. Howard asked who else he doesn't like. Glen said the other problems, other than the Jewish problem, are just annoyances. He said they're pretty minor.
Glen said that they want to be free of Jewish interference and that's what he ants to get into the Senate for. Howard asked Glen what he would do if he became a senator. Glen said his goal is to keep the white race going. Howard asked the guy what's so great about him and why does he have to survive. Glen said that's up to other people to decide, not him.
Glen said that white people aren't reproducing as much as they used to. He said that other people are multiplying and whites are not. He said they're dying out in all countries, not just the United States.
Howard asked what would happen if it was white or not. He said once we all die it doesn't matter. Glen said that he doesn't want it turning into a Jewish state.
Glen asked Howard if it was true that he once said that they should nuke the Muslims. Howard said he was more specific and said it should be Iran. Glen said that's outrageous and he blames Howard personally for killing hundreds of thousands of Muslims.
Howard asked Glen what he'd like to do to all of the Jews. He said he'd like to send them all to Madagascar or somewhere like that. He said that they have no right being in the Middle East. Glen said that Howard is a Jew and he supports Israel so he belongs with them. Howard said that he does support Israel. Glen was just rambling on and on about this stuff and not letting Howard ask him any questions.
Howard asked Glen what gives him the right to be in this country. He said that the white man kicked the American Indians out. Glen said they have evidence that the white man was here before the Indians were. Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard had a caller on the line and it was Rabbi Gottfried. The guys in the back were playing clips of Gilbert Gottfried singing some Yiddish songs. Howard asked Glen what he thought about that. Glen said that it's odd that God chose the rats to be the ''chosen'' people. Rabbi Gottfried laughed at him over that.
Glen said that the Jews claim to be the chosen people but then they call them supremacists and what's ]more supremacist than saying that you're ''the chosen people?''
Howard was arguing with Glen about the Jews running the media. Howard said that Rupert Murdoch is not Jewish. Glen argued that and said that even the Jews say that they do run the media.
Robin asked Glen what happened to him in his life that he had to do this. Glen asked Robin if she was the nappy headed woman on the show. Robin said that she is. She asked Glen what happened to him in his life that made him this way. glen said he's a red neck so that's how it happened. He said he got that red neck from working hard in the sun.
Howard heard that Glen was a rat and he turned on his own people. Glen said that he did do that but he didn't get anyone put in jail. Howard said he squealed on them.
Glen wanted to get in a plug for his web site but Howard said he would let him do that. Glen got in the plug for Govnn.com.
Howard asked Glen how they know he's not secretly Jewish. Howard said that Miller is a Jewish name. Howard said he thinks that Glen is a Jew. Glen said that it was a German name, not a Jewish name. Howard said he's willing to bet he's Jewish and he has a bagel in front of him now.
Howard took some calls and one guy said he was going to listen to what this guy has to say and he's very open minded about that. Another caller said that's not open minded to think this stuff. The caller said that Glen just reads stuff and believes anything he reads.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who played some clips of Gary going off on someone. They had Gary yelling at the guy telling him he was a human piece of shit and telling him to take another hairbrush up his ass.
Another caller said they're going to plant some cocaine in his car and photoshop him with some Jewish girls. Howard asked Glen if he has ever made love to a Jewish woman. Glen said he hasn't knowingly done that. Robin asked why they can't identify them if they hate them so much. Glen said they can debate all of this with him on that web site.
Another caller said that he was Mel Gibson and he was going to back Glen up on all of this. Glen said that Mel said that Jews cause all wars and he's right about that.
Howard asked Glen if he's ever met a Jew that he liked. Glen said he's never met one that wouldn't lie and steal. Glen said that every politician is afraid of the Jews.
Howard asked Glen if he likes any Steven Spielberg movies. Glen said that all of the movies on TV are from the mind of the Jew. He said he can't enjoy any movie made by the Jew. He said that he does like Mel Gibson movies.
Howard asked Glen if he can watch Jaws or not. He said that movie was made because the Jews wanted to change the trend of white people going to the beach. He said that they wanted white people to stop going to the beach. Howard said that maybe he should move to Madagascar where there are no Jews. Glen said he's too old to move. Howard wrapped up with him and let him get in some more plugs for his web site.
Howard took another call from Wood Yee (audio clips) who asked when Glen is going to stop bullshitting with all of this stuff.
Robin asked Glen how he's doing in the polls. Glen said he doesn't put much faith in the polls. Howard said of course he doesn't. Glen thinks that the Jews are controlling that too. Glen said that whites are forbidden from organizing together by the Jews. Howard said he could talk all day about this stuff. Howard said Glen was doing terrific and he thinks he sees a senate seat for him. He let him get in another plug for his web site and then let him go.
Howard said that was glen who is running for senate in Missouri. Robin said that was funny how he booked himself on the show. Gary said it was actually Captain Janks who made the call to the guy. He said Janks pretended to be him and he told him that Howard was a Jew and Robin was a coon and the guy didn't blink an eye.
Howard said he actually saw some video of the guy on TV and he looked like a hippie. Howard said that was video from years ago though. Howard said he thinks that his family may have brought him into all of that stuff. Fred said he thinks he was a Green Beret in the Marines too. Howard said he's not sure where all of that came from but it gives the guy something to do running for Senate.
Howard said Glen wants to debate him but he's not sure about what. Howard said he grew up in a black neighborhood so he's not sure what this Jewish Conspiracy is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he took it too easy on that guy. Howard said you can't argue with a guy like that. Howard said the guy believes he has the answers to America's problems. He said he could debate him but he's not going to change the guy's mind. He said they're all set in their own ways and there is no changing that. Howard said he likes that the guy is honest about this stuff though. He said that so many people aren't honest. He said this guy is up front about how he feels.
Howard said he met a lot of phony white people in Roosevelt when he was growing up. They'd say that they were all for living with black families but then they'd move out in the middle of the night. Howard said the phony teachers in Rockville Centre were the same way. He said that they'd run for the hills if they were in a black neighborhood. Howard said Glen isn't lying and he's telling people how he really feels.
Howard said he sees it today when he sees these skinny women who don't eat anything telling Gabby Sidibe that she's gorgeous. Howard said that's all phony.
Howard said he had a teacher who moved out in the middle of the night after telling everyone that they had to live with black families in the neighborhood. Howard said he was sickened by that. Howard said this guy Glen is just being honest about this stuff. Howard said that's what he does on his show every day.
Howard said you can't be frightened by what that guy says. You do have to be aware of it though. He said that's why he spoke to him. They went to break a short time later.
During the break Howard took a call from Captain Janks and told him that he should book other guests like Angelina Jolie and not Glen Miler. Janks said he heard the guy on Bubba's show and that led to him calling him. Janks said he had the guy on the phone for like 30 minutes. Howard told Janks to get better guests from now on. Janks said he has Tiger Woods lined up for tomorrow. Howard let him go and finished up his break.
Howard came back and said dudes like that bum him out. His father was on the phone too so Howard got him on. Ben said that he was listening to that anti-Semite and he wanted to hear some questions about other Jewish things. He said he should have asked him if he attends church too. He said that Jesus was born a Jew and died a Jew. He said that he shouldn't be in church if he doesn't like Jews.
Howard told his dad that arguing with a guy like that is pointless. He said he's not going to change his views.
Howard said his dad worked hard his whole life but there's no point in trying to explain that to that guy. Ben said there are good and bad people all over and he wanted to explain that to that guy. Ben said he guesses that's what an Anti-Semite is though.
Howard asked Ben what happened with his real name. Ben said back when he was in school the teacher would write down whatever they wanted. He told Howard that his age and name were different when he was put into school. Ben said they wanted him to go to school earlier than he would have usually so that's why he was put in a year early. He said they put him into Kindergarten at 4.
Howard asked about his name. Ben said that his name was Benjamin at school but his real name was Bernard. Ben said that his mother just let it go because she figured they were Americanizing his name. Ben said that they just accepted the name and took whatever they gave them.
Howard let Ben go but said he still doesn't know the whole story. He said his real name is Bernard, he thinks. Robin said that her real name isn't Quivers but that's the way her father learned to spell it so that's what their name is.
Howard said that his father's name was Bernard but the teacher called him Benjamin. That sounds crazy to him. Robin said her father's real last name was Quives but he learned to spell it ''Quivers'' so that's what it is.
Howard said he had a clip of Jenny McCarthy talking about her hyperbaric oxygen chamber on Ellen Degeneres' show. Howard said Jenny hooking up with Jim Carrey was the best move she's ever made. Howard figured that her time with him is limited though and he'll break up with her in no more than a year. Howard said that she'll have to come back on this show if that happens. He said that she stopped coming on the show when they started dating.
Howard did say that it was going to be about another year during that segment. Howard did predict the marriage failing. Howard said his point is that she was all of a sudden royalty and now she's not. Howard said he was right again and people criticized him at the time for saying that. Howard said it's Jim Carrey and he's not going to stop the party for anyone, even her.
Howard said the other day he was talking about retarded characters in movies and he did this retarded voice during the discussion. He said Sal and Richard took the audio of that and made a new Jack and Rod Show bit. He played the bit where Jack and Rod were speaking to a mentally disabled guy and told him they had a disabled person in the studio with them by the name of Reed Tard. They used the clips of Howard doing his retarded character to talk to that guy. They had Howard talking about wanting to be pregnant and having someone put their penis in his butt. The guy they were talking to said that he can't have a baby as a boy. Howard was getting upset about that.
Howard said he wants to play a mentally disabled man who wants to have a baby. He said the script should write itself. He said that he would even shave his head for that role. Howard did more of that impression for a few seconds.
Howard said he thinks he could pull off the role. He said that anyone who plays a part like that thinks they're going to get an award for it. He rehearsed his acceptance speech since he'd probably get one too. Howard did one as Sandra Bullock. Howard said he really feels bad for Sandra. He said all she did was love a man. Is that so wrong?
Gary said he got a call from security downstairs and they said that this girl was there asking to come in. Gary said he looked up on the internet and they do say that she could be his girlfriend but the rumors seem to be coming from her.
Howard asked Gary if it was going to be a big waste of time. Gary said he's not sure. He said it's up to him. Gary said she claims that she has been with Ryan on and off for 10 years. Howard told him to go on Wireimage.com and see if he can find any pictures of them together. He said he finds it hard to believe that Ryan would even have a girlfriend.
Benjy was on WireImage.com and said that he didn't see anything. He said that she admits that she's dating him but Ryan hasn't said anything. Howard told Gary to just bring her in. He said he'll never get to the bottom of that.
Howard said the girl was hot. Her name was Erica Lancellotti. Howard said she's cute and asked how she feels about the Jews. She said she loves the Jews. Howard said she's not dating Ryan. She said she does date him. She said that she's an open relationship girl with him. Howard asked if she has had sex with him a lot. She said she has.
Erica said that she promotes a lot of stuff and she's out promoting this vodka today. Howard asked if she finds it odd that Ryan doesn't say that he's dating her. Howard asked her when Ryan's birthday is. She knew it was Christmas eve. Howard seemed surprised by that.
Howard and Erica talked about Ryan and Howard asked if he dresses up like Hitler. Erica said he doesn't do that. Howard said he had him confused with Jesse James.
Erica said that she and Ryan met before he got American Idol. She said that they didn't do it the first night.
Howard asked if she hates sharing the guy with tons of other chicks. Erica said that they're great friends and she doesn't want to let that go. She said that she still lives in New York and he's in L.A. so it would be hard to date regularly. Howard said if he gave her the word to go out there she would. Erica said she probably would.
Howard asked how often they bang. She said it's a couple of times a year. Howard asked how often they talk. She said they talk almost every day. Howard asked her if Ryan thinks that Ellen is horrible on the show. She said they don't talk that much about it but she thinks that he likes Ellen. She also said that they have talked about Howard being on Idol and she said that Ryan was excited about that and thinks it would be great.
Howard asked Erica about dating other guys. She said she does that but it can be tough. She said that some guys are upset that she has this connection to Ryan.
Howard asked if Ryan shoots ropes. She said no comment to that. She said that they don't use contraception either. Howard asked if she would keep the baby if she got pregnant. She said she doesn't think about that. Erica said she takes the pill so she's not too worried about that. Howard asked if they do anal. Erica laughed and said he's not into that.
Howard asked if Ryan shaves his asshole. She said she didn't dive in there so she's not sure. Howard asked if she licks his balls. Erica was laughing and not answering. Howard took that as a yes. Howard asked if she would let him shoot his load on her. She said no comment to that too. Howard asked if she would lick his asshole if he asked. She said she would have to go with how she was feeling at the moment.
Howard asked how she can date a guy who says ''Seacrest out!'' She said he doesn't say that anymore. Howard said that when he started saying that she had to think he was such a tool. She said that they did make fun of him about it. Fred played clips of him saying ''Seacrest out! Seacrest in!''
Howard asked how long it took Ryan to get into her pants. She said it was about a month. Howard asked how many inches he is. She said she can't say. Erica said she's not talking about that stuff. Howard said he hopes it's small. Howard asked about this guy she's seeing now and if she would be exclusive with him. She said she might.
Howard asked Erica if she's making good money with her company. She said she's doing good but not making over 6 figures yet. Howard asked if she's gone on vacation with Ryan. She said that they have gone on vacation. She said that she went with Ryan and Simon one year. She said they have gone back a few times since then.
Howard asked if her boobs were real. She said they weren't. They're only a month old. She said they were a B/C before. Gary asked if Ryan has seen them yet. She said he has.
Howard asked if she has ever taken a shit in front of Ryan. She said she hasn't but she has peed. Howard told her she should get out of this relationship. He said that he's just taking advantage of her. He asked if Ryan says ''Seacrest likes'' and stuff like that. Howard asked if Ryan stuck his penis between her boobs. She said he didn't.
Gary asked if it was true that Ryan has a butler and he claps his hands to get him to come over. She said that's not true. Howard said he's met Ryan a few times and he seems like a nice guy. She said he really is. Howard said he's using her though. He said that maybe they're both using each other.
Howard asked what she's there to promote. Erica said that she's promoting her company Bar Candy and this Double Cross Vodka that a client of her sent along.
Gary asked Erica if she has to sit on a specific side when she goes out to eat. She said she doesn't and she didn't know what he was talking about. Gary said they had a girl in there who said that Ryan has a good side so he has to sit on a certain side.
Howard told Erica, who said she's 31, that it's time to give up on this relationship. He said that Ryan is using her for eye candy and she should try to find someone else.
Howard asked if Ryan gives her gifts. Erica said that she'll go out shopping and Ryan will pay for it. She said that his people will call in the order and pay for it. Gary asked if she's ever spent too much. She said that she hasn't and one time she spent $10,000 and Ryan didn't have a problem with that.
Howard said he wants Robin to fuck him and he wants to go shopping with her. He said he'd love to go out shopping for shoes.
Erica said she's starting to do some radio herself so it was great to meet him. Howard asked if she knows the name of the station that she's working for. She didn't know the call letters. She just started doing it and she didn't know. Gary told Howard what station it was out on Long Island. Howard told her that she should know that information. Erica works with a promotional company so she should know that stuff.
Howard asked Erica if she's wild in bed. She said she doesn't have anything to gauge that on so she's not sure. Howard asked if she's fully shaved. She said she's waxed. She has two younger sisters and she said they're beautiful. Howard asked who paid for the boobs. Erica said that she did.
Ralph called in and said that Howard gave him some of that Double Cross Vodka. Howard said the guy has been trying to get it on the air so it finally worked. Ralph said the stuff is really good. He said you can almost drink it straight. Howard said he drinks it straight when he does drink it.
Ralph said this girl sounds perfect. Howard told Ralph he should go out with her. Ralph asked if she could handle 3. She said she didn't think so.
Howard asked if Ryan has her like 3 and 4 times a night. She said he does. Howard gave her some more plugs for the vodka and her company Bar Candy.
Howard told Erica she could get any guy she wanted. She doesn't need Ryan. Erica said that this guy she has now is a stunt man and he's an older guy. She said he's been in over 250 films.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that she used to date one of his buddies. He said she would know him as Dr. John. She said his voice sounded familiar but she wasn't sure. Howard asked what he wanted to say other than that. the guy said that he heard that she was insane in bed according to his friend. Howard asked if she is a nympho. She said that she does have fun. She said that she can orgasms from insertion. Erica also said that she has been with women so Howard asked her details about that. Howard asked if she does ATM. She said she doesn't do that.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked if she has ever snowballed Ryan. She had never heard of that so Howard explained it to her. She said that they never did that. Howard asked if he ever Dirty Sanchez'd her. She said that never happened either.
Howard said that Erica is a beautiful girl. He let her promote her stuff again and then wrapped up with her. Howard said that he's heard a lot about Ryan and he suggested that she use a dildo up his ass. Robin told him that even when he says no he means yes.
Howard found out that Erica had auditioned for American Idol so Howard told her to sing for them. She said her voice was all raspy this morning. Howard said he'd judge her and told her to just sing. Erica sang and Howard had Fred and Robin judge her as Randy and Ellen. Howard said he thought she sang well actually. He said that she should have been given a shot. Howard said he had given her way too much attention. He said that she did the whole show after he said that he was going to give her two minutes. He said that's what happens with chicks. You bring them in and you can't get rid of them. Howard told her to come in naked next time.
Howard said Robin has to go out with Ryan. Fred played the ''Seacrest in! Seacrest out!'' clips again. Howard said if he was a young man and he heard this show today, he'd kill himself. He said his mother would tell him that this isn't reality though. He said that she'd tell him that these girls are freaks. Howard said he married a girl who has a freaky body like that. He said his mom was wrong.
Howard said he had a lot more stuff to get to today. Howard said Robin has to do her news. Robin said she's not doing it anymore. Howard said she has to. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he told his shrink that he never got into this business to spin records. Robin missed that and said she was on the web site for that racist guy that called in earlier. Howard was still singing the Rolling Stones song while that was going on.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she hopes that Howard stays on the air. She said that he's great even when he's speaking to an irrational man. She said that you can't argue with someone like that. Howard said that's what he was trying to tell his dad.
Another caller said he's been jacking off to Robin for 10 years now. Howard asked where her shopping spree is. The caller said he can't afford that yet. He said that Ricky Gervais stole a show from him and they're putting his radio show on as a cartoon on HBO. Howard didn't seem to care.
Howard said they're giving away a TiVo Premiere and they're going to play a game with this caller. Howard said that they're going to finish the High Pitch Eric game. The caller negotiated his way down to getting only 2 out of 5 right.
Howard played the first question which was ''What are arachnids?'' The caller guessed that Eric would know what it was. Eric said ''Uh... a horse?''
The second question to Eric was ''What is Bin Laden's first name?'' The caller guessed that Eric would know the answer. Eric got it right with Osama.
Howard played the third question which was ''Who was trying to find a quicker route to the Indies in 1492?'' The caller said that Eric would not know that one. Howard said he thinks he's right about that. Eric said ''The Indians.'' Howard said the caller had won already. He won a $500 prize and that TiVo Premiere box.
The caller told Howard ''Fuck Jamie Foxx, the brothers in the hood love Howard.'' Howard said he thinks that whole Jamie Foxx thing is just for publicity. Howard said that he wanted to talk to the guy off the air but he didn't pick up the phone so fuck him. Howard said he can't take that guy seriously. He said it feels like fake wrestling to him. He said he can't tell if he's really mad or not.
Howard played some more High Pitch stuff. The next one was ''Where is the Nile river?'' Eric knew it was Egypt. Sal asked him ''What does fornicate mean?'' Eric said it was a cake. Sal asked him ''Who wrote Hamlet?'' Eric said ''Hamlet.'' Sal asked what a herbivore was. Eric said ''some type of food.'' Sal asked where you find the remains of the Colosseum. Eric said ''Rome.''
Howard said the Jay Leno thing bums him out too. He said his lawyers tell him that he could lose if he brought the other show to court. Howard said he has it in video doing that stuff before they ever thought of doing the TV shows. He said he's not sure what's up with the lawyers. He said he should be able to sue.
Howard said that his shrink tells him he should be complimented by that show being ripped off. He said that guy just raised his rates this week too.
Howard said that when he was at Infinity he realizes that he was very underpaid. He said he was as responsible for that company doing as well as it did more than anyone. He said he wasn't treated fairly there. Howard said it would have been nice if they had come to him and said that he deserved more because they did so well. That never happened. He said they must have been laughing behind his back when they were all buying private planes and horse farms. He said they must have had a great old laugh at his expense. Fred threw in some Beetlejuice and Gilbert Gottfried laughs while he was talking about that.
Howard said he's going to say goodbye to this company and he's going to be the one laughing. He said he hopes that everyone will join him in the laughs. Robin said that she was laughing when they brought up two boxes of wine to celebrate 20 fucking years of working for Infinity.
Steve said they also have a story about Ronnie the Limo Driver going to a surprise party for Richie Belinson. Ronnie was heckling the karaoke singers at the party. Robin wondered why he feels he has to do stuff like that. Ronnie came in and said that he's not going to address the whole thing. He said it was Richie's cousin who threw the party. He said he got an email and went to the party. They were all drinking and all this guy wanted to do was mingle with them and he was upset that it didn't get on the air on Monday so he called the news department. Ronnie said he made up the whole story just to get it on the air.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric has been contacting Ivy Supersonic to borrow money and asking for a place to store his stuff. Eric claims the story isn't true.
Steve said they also have some more stuff about Benjy and his lies about trying to raise money for Haitian relief. Howard asked why he does this stuff on Facebook. He said he should be doing it here where he's playing to millions. He spent a minute talking to Benjy about that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down the list of things they were going to discuss today.
Steve Brandano also came in with his Intern Show preview. He said they'll talk about Benjy and if he's weird or not with them. Howard said he should talk about this intern that used to work there who is having some musical success. This guy has been on a few late night TV shows and stuff. Howard said that the intern worked for Scott and now he's more successful than Scott and Scott's son. Howard said the band is called Dr. Dog. The former intern plays rhythm guitar in the band. Howard said that Steve was acting like he was part of the band or something. Steve said he tried to get the band on the show months ago. Howard played a couple of their songs and he liked them. Howard said he brings the interns into his meetings and this kid never piped up once. He said he never even wrote a song parody. He said he's had it with the interns. Howard let Steve go after that.
Robin got to her news and said that Deepak Chopra is claiming that powerful meditation sessions caused the earthquake in California over the weekend. Robin read about how he had apologized for that in a Twitter post. Howard said maybe they should charge him for the damage.
Robin said the Virginia Governor is calling for a confederate celebration in Richmond. Robin said it's confederate history month in Virginia.
Robin read that some Jews were spitting on Christians in Jerusalem. Robin read the details of that story. Howard interrupted with some email about Ralph's love of the iPad. He read one where the guy said that Ralph loves Apple so much because it's a fruit like Ralph. There was some mail about Bill Maher too. He said that someone said that if Bill was on the show again they would cancel their subscription.
Howard read some email about Robin calling a baseball double a ''two baser.'' Howard said some people were upset with him about getting upset about Cream doing so much jamming in their songs. He got some negative stuff about that and people were telling him that his thoughts on that stuff are ridiculous.
Howard said that people liked The Fast Food Show with Jason and Jon. He read some of that feedback too. Howard read that people love the impressions that he does of his parents. He had a few about that. Howard had some mail about Robin's new theme song. Some people want them to keep it and not change it. Fred asked if he wanted him to keep it or not. Howard told him to keep it.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Fred threw in that Guatemala music for Robin. Robin read a story about a man who stole a doctor's identity and terrorized some patients. He was asking people for sperm samples.
Robin read a story about a guy who thought he was going to a house to have group sex and he went to the wrong house. The woman had to show him that the ad was wrong. The guy still tried to make it happen. The guy was arrested and charged with sexual assault.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there's this hot chick on Headline News by the name of Robin Mead. Howard wondered when they're going to get obese women to do that job. He said he wants to see Gabourey Sidibe doing that. Howard said he must be responsible for that too.
Robin read a story about a woman and her son who were arrested after they pranked her mother saying that they were shot. Howard said people are morons for the most part. He said they don't get what a joke is. He said you don't joke about being shot.
Ralph called in and corrected one of the emailers about something they had complained about. Howard said that Ralph was just annoying that guy again by correcting him.
Robin read a story about a couple that donated a suitcase to the Salvation Army and it turns out they had $93,000 sewn into the lining of it. When they went to get it back they found out it had already been sold. Howard said that story can't be true. He said that's just dumb. Robin said they did get the suitcase back but the money was gone.
Robin asked if oral sex is sex. Howard said of course it is. He said that President Clinton may not believe so but it is. Robin said that 1 in 5 teens don't think it's sex either. Robin said that 98 percent of kids think that vaginal intercourse is the real deal. Howard said that they call it oral sex because it's sex.
Robin read that Sandra Bullock is denying that there's a sex tape between her and Jesse James. She said there never was one and there never will be.
Robin said that Mark McGrath is going to be a dad. She said he's expecting twin girls. Howard said it sounds like he's finally settled down.
Robin read about Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy breaking up after a 5 year relationship. Robin read a quote from Jim about how he's wishing her the very best. Robin said that Jenny also commented on her Twitter account about the break up. Howard said he knew it wouldn't last. He said it was almost a year ago today that he commented on it and said it would last another year and he was right.
Robin read about a shoot to kill order that's out for an American who has gotten involved with Al Queda. Robin said that they think he's hiding in Yemen and there are orders to shoot to kill or catch him. This has been approved by the white house.
Robin said there's a story about how most women don't know that breast feeding is good for their babies. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about that. Howard said that guy sounded like his SIRIUS customer service rep. He was shocked when Robin told him he was a doctor here in the U.S.
Robin read a story about Michael Jackson's death and how they're now saying that he may have given himself the sleeping agent. Howard said if he had only lived maybe he would have ended up on Celebrity Rehab. He said it could have been Tom Sizemore, Heidi Fleiss and that guy from Alice in Chains. Howard said the best guy is Dennis Rodman because they have to run subtitles under him for everything he says.
Robin read that Corey Haim had 50 different prescriptions with a bunch of different doctors in the month before he died. Robin read the list of pills he had in the house at the time of his death.
Robin read more news about the prescription drug poisoning that's becoming a big problem. She had some audio of a doctor talking about how people can find out if their kids are using them.
Robin read about Nick Cannon and had some audio of him talking about his career. Howard wondered if he had even done anything.
Robin read about Buzz Aldrin getting voted off of Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he loved that guy. Robin had some audio of Buzz talking about getting kicked off and why he was doing the show to begin with. Howard said that guy is a real hero.
Robin had some movie news and audio clips to play too. Howard played through some of those and didn't last long as usual. Howard was playing one clip of this little kid talking about the movie she's in. He said it's annoying when he hears them talking. He said it makes him feel stupid. Howard said that Dr. Drew should start rounding up the kids in movies now because in about 10 years they're going to need him. Howard said this kid might turn out fine but a lot of child actors end up in rehab so they may as well start young going to rehab.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon ran down the list of things they were going to talk about and started off talking about the name changing thing. Gary asked if Jon's real last name was Hein. Jon said it was and as far as he knows it wasn't changed.
Sal came in so Jon asked if his last name is real. Sal said he thinks it is but he's not sure with the skeletons his father may have in his closet.
Jon went through some other stuff they were going to go over and moved on to talk about the compliment that Sal got from Howard saying that he would probably be the most successful. Sal said it was very nice of him to say that but it might be his way of recognizing his work. Sal said that they all have talent there and he thinks that they'll all do fine when they leave. Sal said last week Howard wanted to kill him.
Sal said that he and Richard are the same and he thinks that Richard could be just as successful. Sal said that Howard said he was doing the comedy but he actually took a break from that. Sal said he's going to be starting up with some new stuff. He said that he knows that this guy he worked with told Howard that he did a good job doing his comedy so that must be where that came from.
Sal said he and Richard had to take time off from the comedy thing. They were worn out from going out on the road so much. Sal said he waned to spend some time at home with the kids.
Richard was in too so they asked him if he was upset about what Howard said. Richard said he wasn't at all. Gary asked if he was upset about them talking about how fat he is. Richard said he works out a lot and he'd probably be 300 pounds if he didn't. He said the calories are probably coming from the beer he drinks.
Richard said he lost a lot of weight when he had strep throat. He said he wasn't able to drink and he was down to about 190 pounds during that. Richard said he can't cut back on the drinking. Gary asked if he thought about switching to weed. Richard said he was never into it and it's illegal so he's paranoid about that. Gary said he can't remember the last time someone got arrested for weed. Sal said someone there got arrested for weed. He wasn't sure that he should bring it up on the air. Benjy said he thinks he knows who that is.
Gary said that weed is almost legalized. He said you can get it in California and New Jersey. Richard said he knows a guy who got a card just for saying he has nausea.
The guys talked about how medical marijuana is going to be legal in New Jersey and Jason is looking forward to that. They said that Jason's goal is to open his own shop up.
Sal said he and Gary smoked weed in Amsterdam together. He said that Gary's wife passed out from smoking it. Gary said that's true. They spent a minute going over wether or not it was legal there in Amsterdam or just decriminalized. Richard said they have awesome beer there too.
Brian Phelan came in and said that he was the one who got arrested for the weed. He said he was out smoking outside a bar downtown. He said a cop arrested him for it and the other cops thought it should have just been a ticket. He said he was taken down and fingerprinted and had a mug shot taken. He said that some of the guys knew who he was and treated him better than the other guys in the cell with him. Brian said that he went back to the party and got high after that. He said he had to go to court and they didn't have enough evidence to prosecute him so they dropped it. He said that was all over one joint.
Ralph called in and said that out in California getting a card is really simple. He said the weed is the best stuff you've ever smoked out there too. He said that it's all marked and you know what you're getting. Ralph told the guys how great it was and as he was doing that there was a siren in the background behind Ralph. Jon said it sounds like they're coming for him.
Ralph said that he took like 3 hits off of this stuff and he had a great high for like 5 hours. He said that it was a great high and it lasted a long time.
Brian asked if they went to the smart shops in Amsterdam. They sell mushrooms in those shops. Gary said he was afraid of those. Brian said he wasn't. Ralph said he was high on mushrooms one time when Gary saw him running around on the street.
Richard asked Brian if he would rather drink or smoke pot. Brian said he'd rather smoke pot. Gary asked what kind of trouble he could have gotten into with that case. Brian said he could have gotten a fine. He said the cops weren't even sure why he got arrested. Brian said he did mention Howard's name when the cop was getting ready to arrest him but that didn't help.
Gary asked Brian if he was afraid of getting arrested. He said he really wasn't but there was a guy in the cell who was asked who he had killed when he was in there. He said he was arrested for pot and this guy might have killed someone.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Brian may have an arrest record even if he doesn't have a criminal record. The caller was a former cop. He said that he tried to find Richard's album down in Georgia but he wasn't able to find it. Richard said you can get it online all over the place.
Jon asked Benjy why he does things on Facebook when he should be doing them on the show. Benjy said he tries ideas out on there and sometimes it might lead to doing it on the show. Gary said Howard used to get mad at him for playing Prince of Persia on the computer at home and he'd tell him to stop. He said it was frivolous to Howard and he didn't understand why he did it.
Jon asked Benjy about the relative and all of the shtick around that. Benjy said he has to ask him a specific question. Gary told him not to go there. Gary said he's very amused by Benjy and how he never breaks character. He said some days it's very annoying to him though. Gary said that Benjy won't break character when you ask about that kind of thing.
Richard asked Benjy where he was yesterday. Benjy said he was tired and he went home. He said he told Jon that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about the 7 TiVos in his house and if that was true. Gary said he does have that many and he has to be able to pause and rewind stuff. He said he loves to pause and rewind stuff and he goes to do that on his radio. Gary said the 8 second rewind button is called the ''wife button'' by Scott DePace because he uses that when his wife talks to him.
Gary said he records stuff in his gym and he can send it to another TiVo if he wants to watch it. The caller said that he has one that lets him record on one and watch it on a set top box around the house.
Another caller asked Jon what he thought about them calling him a beast today. Jon said he was surprised by that. Jon said that's part of the show though so it's fine.
The caller thought it was kind of cool that Howard would say that he's really good at what he does. Gary said that Howard is kind of pointing out that he found Jon too. Jon said that Howard is the best that he ever was and when he tells you how good you are it feels nice but you know that you're not that good.
Gary said they used to call him obese when he was at his top weight. Gary said that he's technically probably obese now. He said that he should probably be around 160 pounds and he's up near 200.
Jon said that the weighs they suggest for a guy his size are ridiculous. He said he hasn't been that low since he was in high school.
Jon said that Sal seemed amused by Howard making fun of him today about not being able to say ''ethnicity.'' Sal said it was funny but he wasn't able to say the word either.
Jon said Will seemed to be amused by the goofing today too. That led to the guys talking about how Will seems to be changing lately. Gary said that Will does sound like he's not yelling at people on the phones as much as he used to. He said he did hear him yelling today though.
Steve Brandano said that Will changed his attitude because of the stuff they put on The Bonus Show with him and JD. He said that Will has become reformed since they played that stuff.
Will came in and said that he's not any nicer. He said that he might feel more defeated than anything else. He said that he's just doing his thing and moving on. He said he's no less angry than usual.
Will said that he and JD bust each other's balls all the time but they made him look like he was the one bullying JD on Howard TV. Jon said that Richard cyber-bullies both of them.
Will had a t-shirt that had a crying Met fan on the front and on the back it says ''It must be September in Queens.'' Gary said he can't wait for the Phillies to lose so he can make something similar next year.
A caller told Richard that he bought his recorded the other day and he loved it. He said that he's an amazing drummer. He told Richard he should be more mainstream than he is. Gary said that's because he's busy there working.
Jon said that he would have voted for Richard today when they were talking about who will be most successful. He said that Richard could be great in a band. Gary said that Richard was pretty well known before but he could fit in with another band no problem. He asked if he would go out with Taylor Swift if he got some big money offer. Richard said he could do that. He said it might not be that enjoyable though. Richard said that he did construction just to survive and it was tough being in a band. He said it's really hard to make money being in a band. Gary asked if he thinks that he could get into a reasonable band that makes money. Richard said the band he was in was pretty successful but they didn't make any money. He had to live in a storage unit while he was doing construction and playing in the band.
Benjy and the guys were asking Richard if he would leave the show to be in any band. Richard said he wouldn't leave the show for any band. He said that he will stay there as long as Howard is on.
Richard said the best money is from song writing. He said that the merch is also the big thing these days since albums aren't selling. They had to go to break after that.
Gary asked JD if he feels that he's bullied by Will. JD said it's just jokingly bullied. He said that he has gotten mad at Will but only if he says something he thinks is funny and Will mocks him.
Gary asked JD if he thinks that he's cyber-bullied. JD said that Benjy and Richard have posted stuff on his Facebook page that's kind of annoying. JD said that he has had Will naming his pimples so that gets annoying too. He said he doesn't need some dick naming them for him.
Jon asked JD if he thinks that Will is upset about the way he was portrayed in the Bonus Show segment. JD said he's probably not that upset. JD said if he didn't want that image then he wouldn't put it out there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if Howard ever does leave, would he let other people take over the show. Gary said he doesn't see that happening. He said it would be the most important member of the band leaving and that wouldn't be respecting the show.
Gary said they're going to have this guy on the show in a few weeks who was in charge of replacing Howard on K-Rock. He said that they really wanted him and Artie to stay there and they actually called him and asked if he would stay. Gary said he never even talked money but he heard that he could have made a shit load of money. He said that they were going to give Artie like 5 million a year. Gary said it never would have lasted and the money wasn't guaranteed. He said that they could have bailed on them even quicker than they did with David Lee Roth.
Gary said that they had guaranteed David Lee Roth millions and he thinks that it may have been 7 million a year. He said that it's weird that they thought it was better to pay of a guaranteed 3 year contract rather than keep him on the air.
Jon said that Howard is doing a lot when he's on the air. He's not just siting there talking. He said that his job isn't that easy.
Gary said he's a big fan of Chris Rock but he doesn't think he could do a 4 or 5 hour radio show every day. He adit that's one of the guys they wanted to get to replace Howard.
Gary and Jon talked about how you just can't reason with people like that. Gary said the woman from the God Hates Fags group is one that makes his blood boil but he knows there's no changing her views.
Jon had a clip from the interview where Glen was telling Howard how the Jews made Jaws to change the way white people go to the beaches. After that clip Gary said that plan is a genius plan but no one could ever come up with something like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this Glen Miller guy isn't as stupid as they think he is. He said that the media cover him up like he's some kind of nut case. JD said he is a nut case. The caller said that he thinks that the Jews do run the media. He said that SIRIUS is run by the Jews. Gary asked who runs it. The guy said that Mel Karmazin runs it.
Benjy said there are a lot of Jews in the media but what does he think should happen and what should the outcome be. The caller said that they can all sit back and laugh but there is a powder keg there and it's all going to explode some day. The caller said he thinks that there's going to be a lot of interracial breeding and stuff. Benjy asked what they should do about it. The caller wouldn't answer his question. The caller said that it's going to be natural selection and it's going to divide the country like never before.
Benjy asked if that's why he thinks it's wrong, because it will lead to a revolution. The caller said that the whites feel so much guilt that they voted Obama in. Benjy kept asking what should be done. The caller didn't have an answer for him.
Jon said he had to end it because the guy wasn't answering. He said they were going around in circles and he wanted to move on. Gary said he thinks that the guy has a following gout there and hopefully it isn't that large.
Jon took a call from Cyrus who said that he wasn't taking that guy Glen seriously today. He said the guy was being honest and he would rather know if someone is going to be like that.
That discussion led to them talking about Howard's dad calling in to go off on Miller. They were also talking about how Ben's name was changed when he came to this country and the teacher changed it.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Techno Beaver, Gary, was talking about IR earlier but he should have been saying it was RF. He said he should have known that being the Techno Beaver.
Jon had Teddy play a clip from her interview where she talked about making fun of Ryan for his ''Seacrest Out'' phrase.
JD said he thinks she could have been making up a lot of stuff. Shuli had come in so he was saying that she said they just get together a couple of times a year. Shuli said that if she's making all of that stuff up she's a great actress. Gary said that it was pretty believable. He said that next week all of that stuff should end up in the Enquirer. He said he can't wait to read that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show saying that they had David Arquette sitting in on the show today. He said David asked to sit in on the show just to watch what goes on every morning. Howard said he likes David so he said it was okay to do that. Howard said they email back and forth once in a while. He said that he asked to see David's wife's ass in some pictures but he didn't hear back. Howard said David is just going to hang out and he didn't even want to be interviewed. Howard said he's happy to be an intern for a day. Howard said Robin doesn't have to talk to him. He said he told David to come in around 7 so he's not there yet.
Howard said Martina Navratilova is going to come in too. He said she came out in the news saying she has breast cancer. Robin said she didn't know that until yesterday. She said she knew she was doing press but didn't know it was that. Howard said breast cancer is brutal and Martina has always had a good diet and she's stayed fit. She had something like 4 percent body fat. Robin said she couldn't have even had a period with that kind of body fat.
Howard said that they have a treat for the fans today. They're celebrating the 123rd Sybian ride today. He said they added them all up and found out the number. He said that the creator of the Sybian will be coming in. He said that Raven Alexis will be riding it. This guy Dave is the creator of the Sybian so they'll talk to him about how he came up with the idea.
Robin wondered how he came up with the idea for the Sybian. Howard said he's not sure so they'll have to see later.
Robin said she loves that because the guy is disappointed as soon as Howard makes a sound. Howard said they also took the clips and made a movie trailer. Howard said he may have lost that one. He tried to find it but wasn't having any luck. He had a bunch of other audio clips to play too though.
Howard said there's this congressman who is afraid that Guam is going to tip over if they send too many military over there. Howard played that clip and the guy actually thinks that it could capsize like a ship if they send too many people there. Howard said that guy's name is Hank Johnson. He said the guy is really wacky. He said he was asking how bit it was in inches. Howard said that's as wacky as Sheri Sheppard thinking that the world is flat.
Benjy said he thinks he was using a figure of speech. Howard said the guy said it twice though and it sounded like he actually thought it would tip over. Howard said he didn't get that feeling at all but maybe Benjy is right. Robin asked what figure of speech he was using. Howard told Robin not to get sidetracked with Benjy.
Howard said Benjy is a weirdo. He said he has this shtick going where he doesn't want you to mention this guy's name and you know he's just doing a shtick. Howard said the guy who runs his web site did some investigating. He said he read up on the profile of the guy on Wikipedia.org. Howard said they found out the IP address of the person who wrote up the page for that guy.
Gary came in and said that they looked up that IP address and you can see what else they have modified. They found that the same IP address had modified Benjy's profile and some stuff on Hula Hoops and Benjy was a Hula Hoop guy. He said they found out that it could be on the same block as Benjy. He said that same IP address had modified some people like Terri Shiavo, Reese Witherspoon and Anna Nicole Smith's pages among other things.
Howard said that he's sorry they found Benjy out. Benjy was laughing but he said that he's not up to anything. Howard said that Benjy must be up to something. He said Benjy puts a lot of energy into these pranks that don't go anywhere.
Howard asked Benjy what he's doing with Reese Witherspoon. Benjy said he didn't do it. Howard said he knows he did and he has to stop lying about it. Benjy insisted he didn't do it. Gary said he was reading the Reese Witherspoon thing and it was really bizarre. Howard asked Benjy to just be real for one minute. Benjy said he can't. Howard asked what joke he was doing with Reese. Benjy said there was no joke.
Gary said he can see where Howard Stern's Wikipedia page was modified. He said that someone modified the page to show Benjy and that was the same person. Benjy said that wasn't him.
Gary said that there are some modifications about ''Jews'' and Benjy is one of the people added on that page too. Benjy asked if they're saying he did that. Howard said of course they are. Benjy asked how they can know it's him. Howard said that they found that the IP address is from his block.
Gary said the modification on the Anna Nicole page was about Benjy going into the bathroom with her too. Benjy swore to god that he didn't do that stuff. Howard said he still thinks he did.
Gary told Howard that he had one last one. Jackie Martling's Wikipedia was modified and they say that Benjy replaced Jackie when he left the Howard Stern Show. Benjy asked how they're getting this information. Howard said that they found out the IP address and they looked that up and found out that it's in Benjy's neighborhood. Benjy said you can't do that. Howard said that Doug can. He said that's his whole business.
Howard had Jeff Schick come in because he knows about this stuff. Gary said that the IP address gives you a map of the area. Howard asked Jeff if that's possible. Jeff said you can track down someone like that. Benjy said that they don't give you a block by block analysis. Howard said they do. He said this is so silly. Jeff said that you can locate it within blocks. Howard said it's in his neighborhood. Benjy said it's Manhattan so it could be anywhere.
Jeff said they found out some porn sites that were using Howard's brand and using his face on it so they had to track that down and have it shut down. He said they have to go through a lot to track it down. They found one place in Weehawken, New Jersey that was trying to cover up their tracks all over the world.
Howard said he's going to have Jeff go home with Benjy to track him down. Gary said they went to look up their own IP address and it gave them their address on their block so it is accurate.
Robin asked why Benjy is arguing over this stuff with people who are smarter than he is. Howard said it's because he's just bizarre. Howard said that if he was in a court of law he'd be in jail for 10 years. He said this isn't illegal but he's just saying.
Howard said that they use Lotus Notes because it's so secure. Jeff said they have 35 percent of the market share for enterprise email like that. He rattled off a bunch of big companies that use it. Howard said that he's been vindicated by Jeff now. Jeff said he invited Jarvis over to IBM to show him what they're doing with all of this stuff.
Jeff told Howard that they don't just use it for email. they use it for their databases and that's how they keep track of the show. They have almost 70 terabytes of all of the audio of the show. He said they have this stuff all archived. He said they have Jason's notes about the show in the database too. Howard said people don't realize the sophistication of their archives there.
Howard got back to Benjy and asked what his punishment should be if he finds out he was lying. Howard said that if he does find out he'll have to take a dildo in his ass if he's lying. Benjy asked who is going to determine that. Howard said they can to into Benjy's computer and find out if it's his IP address. Benjy said that's not the way it works. Benjy said that Robin and Howard don't know how the whole thing works.
Jeff came back in and said that they can do some forensics to find out if it was really Benjy that did it. Howard said if they find out it was Benjy he's going to have to take a dildo up his ass. Benjy asked who is going to put it in. Howard said he'll have to put it in himself.
Howard asked Benjy if he agrees to those terms. Benjy told Jeff to tell them how he's going to do this. Jeff said they can track it down. He said that there is software that will track this down. He said that they can find out who was in there and they will find out who broke into people's email accounts and things like that.
Robin said that Benjy is busted. Benjy said he can prove that Robin killed Anna Nicole. He said that there are methods to do that. Howard said he knows that Benjy absolutely did it based on the way he's reacting.
Howard had Jeff Jarvis on the phone so he had Jeff Schick stick around. Howard told Jarvis about what Schick had just said. He said they have tons of databases tied up in that Lotus Notes.
Jarvis was laughing at Schick's comments and said that he'd like to invite him on his show This Week In Google to defend it too. Howard said that he thinks that Schick has won the battle. Schick said he's not sure about that. Jarvis said that he will come to IBM to talk to Schick. He said they have a whole morning date scheduled. Howard said he wants him to apologize on his podcast after that.
Howard said Benjy is so goofy he's not sure how he gets laid. He said that he just doesn't get it. Howard moved on a short time later.
Howard played some audio from the show where Dave was barely able to speak and he had a lot of phlegm in his throat. Howard said he sounds like Buddy Ebsen right before he croaked.
Howard said he has come in like that but not quite that bad. Howard said that Dave was joking around about how he didn't want to be home. He had Chris Rock on the show and Chris was asking him about that. He told Dave he sounded like an old-assed man. Chris asked if things were bad at home. Dave joked that things might not be so great. Chris was saying that his wife must still be mad at him. He joked about how Dave had to get out of the house and that's why he was working with no voice. Chris said he's been there.
Chris was telling Dave that he knows what it's like and he has added shows to his tour to stay out on the road more to stay away from the wife. Chris was saying that they had a bunch of fat old guys back stage now instead of the pretty young girls. He said the vibe back there is horrible. Dave said that some of those guys were starting to look pretty good.
Robin was laughing at some of the stuff Chris was saying. She said she liked some of those lines about the fat old men back stage and things like that.
Howard said he was reading about this 21 year old that Tiger had known since she was 14 and he had to fuck her too. Howard said he heard that Tiger had fucked her for over two hours. He read the article about this girl they're talking about and they're saying she's the youngest one so far. Howard said this girl lived less than a mile from his mansion.
Howard read that the girl had an ''exhausting'' sexual encounter in Tiger's office. They say that Tiger had lusted after her for some time according to the Enquirer. Howard said you'd think he would spare a few victims. He said that he should have a mile radius at least.
Howard said they saw Tiger texting out on the golf course yesterday and the photographers went nuts. He said that they say that Tiger made out with this 21 year old in his truck just yards away from his home. They say that they had sex on the couch for hours in his office. Howard said the girl felt guilty but she was smitten with him. Woods didn't use a condom with her and the sex was unemotional.
Howard said this guy wouldn't be getting laid if he didn't play golf. Howard said there are going to be guys thinking they can do the same thing but it's not going to happen. Howard read some more details about the affair and how this girl, Rachel, felt guilty and eventually came out.
Howard said he understands the pussy fever thing. He said he went into that when he got divorced. He said that he tore through some women too. Howard said the guilt factor leveled in on him and he had to stop. He said he was in therapy too so that saved his ass. He said when you get into this fever you don't think about anything else. Robin said it keeps you from thinking about anything but that. Howard said he felt he was entitled to have every woman he ever wanted.
Howard said he was a famous guy and he did have a lot of choices. Howard said it wasn't affecting anyone's life. He said it eventually hit him that he had to stop. He said that he has kids and he didn't want all of that coming out. Robin said that Tiger's kids are going to learn what a piece of crap he was at some point in their life.
Howard said Wolfie went to the Harlem of Philadelphia and interviewed some black people. Gary said he was in West Philly. Howard said he went there and asked black men how they felt about Tiger Woods. He said the few guys who he found were defending Tiger.
Howard played one interview where one guy said he was defending Tiger because he was black. Robin said there's no way this guy was a golf fan. Another guy was asked about Tiger losing his sponsors. The guy said that Tiger didn't do anything that any other black man wouldn't do. Wolfie asked a bunch of guys the same kind of questions and they were all saying that they think that it was fine what Tiger was up to.
One guy was saying that Tiger is a good role model. He said that they all have to stick together and Tiger is the best golfer in the world. Wolfie asked how he felt about his sponsors leaving him. The guy thinks that they'll be back. The guys said he'd love to be in the same position that Tiger was in right now. Howard said Tiger had quite a selection of women. He said he had a lot of hot chicks. Howard said he had to take a break after that. He said they have a lot to get to today. He said that he has David Arquette coming in to hang out. He said he just wants to see what goes on there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what David Arquette is doing there. Gary said he's out talking to the guys from Howard TV. Howard said David wanted to come in and just observe. Howard had Gary bring him in after that. He said he loves this guy. David said he loves him too.
Howard asked David what they're doing today. David said he doesn't know how long Howard is going to stay on so he wanted to come in and see what the hell is going on there. He said they all want him to stay there just so he knows.
David said that he wanted to take a shit in the bathroom today because he's a guest but then he heard that he's an intern so he isn't sure if he can go. He said he wanted to see Robin walking around the halls there too. He said if they leave the air then he'd like Robin to show the fans what they want to see. Robin said she won't be doing that. David said he wanted to do his own song parody for Robin's news too.
Howard said David emailed him and said he just wanted to come in and hang out. He said he was thrilled to have him there. Howard asked if he'd like to sit on the couch or by where Artie and Benjy usually sit. David said that's sacred ground. Howard said he can sit where George Takei sits.
David was talking about how weird Benjy is, even compared to him. David said he would like to see how Benjy works though. Howard told David to let him know what everyone does there when he finds out. He told him to write a paper about what he finds out so he can know himself.
David said that he's just going to hang out there and soak in what they do there. He said that his mother used to do pin up magazines in the 50s. He said he was going through a ''I Once Was a 50s Pin Up'' and he came across a shot of his mom. He said she was having a cat fight in one picture so that was kind of odd. Robin said that she probably would have been on the show if they were around back then.
Howard said that the porn back in those days was really taboo. He asked how old he was when he found out that she had done that stuff. David said he was probably 17 or 18 and went to her with the book and she told him that it was all just staged.
David said his parents have passed away but his sister Patricia looked up his mom's maiden name and found her in a movie called ''Olga's House Of Shame'' where she got her breasts cut. He said it was like a bad B-movie horror film.
Howard asked if David's mom had big boobs. David said the point of the story was for Robin because there's no shame in showing your ''milkers'' once in a while.
Howard asked David if his mom was a MILF when he was growing up. David said that she was pretty like his sister Rosanna. He said that she became a marriage counselor.
The guys had some shots of David's mom so Howard checked them out. They were actually from MrSkin.com. David sounded excited about that. He said that he's not sure he should have shared that story now. Howard said millions of men are going to jerk off to her tonight. Her name was Brenda DeNault. Howard said she was some looker. He said she died young too. David said that she died from breast cancer.
David said that he wishes that he could have shown his mom the Mr. Skin thing. He said that would have made her day on her death bed. Howard asked if she got to see him marry Courtney Cox. David said she didn't see that but she did meet Courtney.
Howard asked David if he told Courtney where he was going to be today. David said she knows and he had an uncomfortable talk with her about how he might have to work the Sybian if someone came in to ride it. Howard said that he's actually there on a good day because they have the creator of the Sybian, Dave Lampert, coming in to celebrate the 123rd Sybian ride. Howard told him he may have to call his wife about that today to tell her that he actually will be running it.
Howard asked David if he knows how Sandra Bullock is doing since he's part of that Hollywood crowd. David said he didn't know. Howard asked if he's cheating on Courtney. David said he's not. He said he had some good stories to tell though. He said they were on and off in the beginning and they were both dating different people. He said they had to commit to one another. He said Courtney didn't want to do that right away though. He said that he was competing with ''just some people'' and said that it's still an open wound. Robin mentioned some singer that she had dated but David didn't sound like he wanted to talk about that.
David said he was in Atlanta one time and he hooked up with a stripper and took a picture with her in a photo booth where he was biting her nipple piercing. He said that picture came out 2 years after he got married so they made it out like he was cheating on her. He said he kind of went through what Sandra is going through.
Howard asked David how he got Courtney to stop seeing these other guys. He said they started to go to couples therapy. He said they still go in for tune ups. He said that they do get on one another's nerves. He said they have to get through that stuff so they go to therapy. Howard said he wasn't to do an internship at David and Courtney's house.
Howard read about some of the guys that Courtney allegedly dated. He read that she had been out with Liev Shriber, Michael Keaton, Kevin Costner, Christian Slater, David Duchovny, Richie Sambora and others. David laughed when he heard some of those names. He said that Michael Keaton was the only one he had confirmation on. David said that was when he was doing Batman so he thinks that's actually kind of cool. He said that he would fuck her in the Batman costume if he had it.
Howard asked David about producing the show ''Cougar Town'' and if he goes to the set. David said he doesn't go down there that much.
Howard said he saw David on Letterman and he was saying they have to schedule sex once a week. David said it's actually kind of cool. Howard heard he had to wait for 40 minutes on New Years Eve while she talked on the phone. David said she was actually working out. David said that he did tell her that they had to fuck and had to talk her into it.
Howard said that your marriage is done if you don't even fuck on New Year's Eve. He said that he must want it more than once a week. David said he does but they work a lot. He said they do have random times that pop up now and then.
Howard said he thought he had discovered Courtney when he saw her in that video with Bruce Springsteen. He said he thought he should put her in a TV show but then he saw her in movies and TV shows after that. He realized what an asshole he was for thinking he had discovered her.
David said he had to track Courtney down to get a date with her. He said he would look for her and track her down to find out where she was going to be. He said he would time it just right and she asked if he was stalking her. He told her that's exactly what he was doing. Howard asked if he's saying that stalking is the right way to get a chick. David said he can't say that. He said he might have some questionable listeners out there.
Howard asked David about how he took a role in a movie just so he could kiss Courtney. He said he did do that.
Howard said that David is going to sit in George Takei's seat during the show. He said that he can sit over there and he can watch what goes on during the show. They have Martina Navratilova coming in and they'll be doing the Sybian ride later too.
Howard said that David has a plug for ProprClothing.com. He was wearing his own stuff today so Howard checked them out and asked if he can make some hats that fit his big head. David said they can do that too.
David is going to the Masters to see Tiger Woods play. Howard asked David why he's going to the Masters. David said that they're just going to watch. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and had Martina Navratilova come in. Howard said Robin lit up when she saw her. Robin said she really likes Martina. Howard said that Martin is the greatest tennis player that ever lived. Martina said she wasn't going to argue with him. Howard asked who has been able to play like her. She said that there are some who have come close.
Howard said he was upset when he found out Martina has breast cancer. Howard asked if she's there for him to cheer her up. She said she's there to talk about her breasts. She said they're small but they're cute. She said she went for a mammogram and she hadn't been doing it yearly like she should have. Martina said she had forgotten about it. She said she just let it slip for a while. She didn't have any history of breast cancer in her family but that doesn't mean you shouldn't get checked. She said it's very treatable and they don't have to do invasive surgery. She said they caught it very early and they are going to be able to treat it. She said that she had a lumpectomy and she still has her breasts. She said that she could need more later if it comes back.
Martina said she had the work done 3 weeks ago and she has to get radiation in May. Robin said she hasn't had a mammogram done in 3 or 4 years so she has to get it done. Howard said Beth told him that it's not fun when they do it. Martina said it's not too bad. She'd rather do that than go to the dentist.
Howard said he heard that Martina doesn't brush her teeth more than once a day. Martina said she does brush them in the morning. She said that she was going to keep the whole thing quiet but she decided to come out and talk about it because she's going to be fine. She wants to encourage women to get that yearly check up.
Howard told Martina to breathe on David Arquette so he can check it out. David said that he actually didn't brush his teeth this morning.
Martina asked where Artie was. Howard told her that Artie tried to kill himself. He said he hasn't been there since December. Howard said he had a bad scene. Martina said he must not have gotten on her diet. Howard said he probably didn't.
Howard got back to the breast cancer and asked some more questions about that. Martina said that she lucked out with it being caught early.
Howard said that he saw a picture of Martina's new girlfriend and she's a former Miss something. Martina said she was a beauty queen a long time ago. Martina said this is a work in progress and she's keeping that all to herself. She said she's talking about the breast cancer and nothing else in her private life.
Howard asked Martina if she's a great chess player because that's what George Takei told them when he was in. She said that she beat him when they played on ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.'' She said that she made the chess set herself. She said they weren't able to go on a walk or anything while they were there and it was tough. She said she really appreciates food now that she's done that. Martina said that they put them through some tough challenges on that show too. Howard asked if she ate any penis. She said she wasn't going to eat anything like that.
Howard asked Martina if she thinks that the breast cancer came from stress. She said that's possible. She said her mother died a few years ago and that has been tough.
Howard said he had to thank Martina for the chess set that she got him. He said that he sent her a note and he never heard back from her. Martina said she did get that note and she's just bad at returning notes so she didn't respond. Howard said that's fine as long as she got his note.
Robin and Howard asked Martina about Andre Agassi's stories about how he took drugs. Martina said she was kind of upset with him not taking the blame for it. She said that they weren't performance enhancing but David Arquette interrupted and said he has taken speed and it can help you fuck like crazy so it is performance enhancing.
Howard said he loves Martina's honesty. Martina told Howard that she has always been honest since she moved to the U.S. She said that she was too honest at times so she has had to censor herself a little bit.
Howard said that Martina has converted women into the lesbian lifestyle. She said it was just one. Howard said that's still impressive.
Howard asked Martina about Tiger Woods and what she thinks will happen with his sponsors. She said she thinks that he'll recover just fine and he'll get back to being great. She said that if he wasn't married no one would have blinked an eye at him doing what he did.
Howard said it must burn her up that women didn't get paid very well playing tennis. Martina said that they are getting more money these days but she didn't get her share because back then men were getting paid a lot more. She said they were making at least 4 times as much as the women were.
Howard asked Martina if Tiger ever came on to her. She said she doesn't think that Tiger is into older women. Howard said he's into any woman.
Howard asked if Martina gets cool email from famous people. She said that she got one from Jane Fonda. She said that she's a wonderful woman. Howard said back in the day she was something else. Howard asked if she desired her back then. Martina said ''who wouldn't?'' Martina said that she has worked with Jane and she is very hot even today.
Howard asked Martina who the hottest celebrity is to her. She said she likes Monica Belucci. Howard asked if that's her fantasy woman. She said she has more than one but that might be one of them. She also mentioned Kate Winslett. She said Kate Beckinsale is hot too. Howard asked about Courtney Cox. Martina said she had better not go there.
Howard asked Martina what she has to go through with this radiation treatment. She said that she has to do it in May and she's going to be working so she has to do it in France. Howard said he would stay here in the States to do it. Robin said she'll be fine over there. Howard told her to be careful. He said he would look into it to make sure they know what they're doing.
Martina said she's going to be playing Lindsay Davenport on Saturday so she'll be playing the Sympathy card during that game. Howard said she's going to be hosting a live chat at AARP.org/chat this afternoon. He gave her some plugs for that and for some other stuff that's coming up. Howard told Martina that some of his guys there need to go on her diet.
Howard said he wants to play Martina in a game of tennis. Robin said that should be something else. Howard said he would like to know what's up with her girlfriend. He said that he liked what he saw in pictures.
David Arquette asked if there was any chance of a Sybian ride. Martina wasn't going to be going for that. Howard said his wife only gives him sex once a week so that's why he's got that on his mind. Howard wrapped up with Martina and asked her a couple more questions about the French doctors before letting Martina go. He said he loves her and said she's a national treasure.
Howard came back and said his intern David Arquette was there doing a great job. Robin said he's special because he's sitting in the studio. Howard said not all of his interns get to hang out with Courtney Cox and Jennifer Aniston at the same time. David said he wanted to take a shot of Jennifer's butt and send it to Howard since he said he saw a shot of it and liked the way it looked.
Howard said he started feeling bad for what he had said about her after he found a note she had sent to him years ago when his movie came out. He said he had forgotten about that.
Howard asked David how he's getting along with Jennifer and that Gerard Butler guy. They also asked about John Mayer. David said that guy talked too much. He said John said some unfortunate things. He said he may be mellowing out now.
Howard gave David some more plugs for his web site ProprClothing.com.
Howard asked David if he's trying to have another kid. David said they're not really trying but it's not out of the question. He said he's open to adoption too. He said he loves being a dad. He said his kid is funny and amazing.
Howard said he heard that Courtney is a pain in the ass on the set of Cougar Town. David said that's not true. Howard said he hard that the kid has to have her own chair on the set too. David said that she probably sits in her mom's chair. Howard said he gets why she'd want the kid on the set. He said he heard they built a playground for the kid on the set too. David said that's not true. Howard said he'd get it if they did that.
Howard asked if the kid will go into acting. David said he hopes not. He said his family goes back to Vaudeville in acting so it wouldn't be so far fetched if she did. David said he's pretty strict with the kid and Courtney is kind of the good guy. He said that she'll let her do stuff that he won't let her do. Howard said that he wouldn't put up with that.
Howard asked what gets on David's nerves about Courtney. David said that he's the one who gets on her nerves most of the time. He said that's not completely true. He said that hey both get on each other's nerves. He said he knows he does stuff that will piss her off. He didn't remember what it was.
JD came in and said that he's heard that Courtney isn't to thrilled with his obsession about the L.A. Lakers. David said he was glad that JD came in because he got some of that marble mouth stuff.
David said that Courtney doesn't like it when he stays out late with the guys. He said that can make her crazy. Howard said if he was with Courtney he would never go to a Laker game. He said she'd get sick of him being around so much. He said that he'd have his tongue up her ass all the time. Howard asked David if he's into that. David said he tried but she's not into that. Howard said Beth isn't into it either. He said he doesn't want to put his tongue up her ass but once in a while he gets very amorous and wants to do stuff like that.
Howard told David to get nude for the segment. Raven came in and said that she was wearing a vibrator necklace today and it has 5 different speeds. She said she was playing with it the whole time she was at the AVN awards.
Howard said Raven is very beautiful and he was very excited about this Sybian ride today. He said that they have to celebrate the 123rd ride today. He said that she won some AVN awards this year. He asked how long she's been in the business. She said she's been doing it for about 3 years. She said that she's signed with Digital Playground and she thinks that's why she's getting so much attention lately.
Howard asked Raven if there is anything she hasn't done yet. She said that she hasn't done anal yet but she is willing to do that. Gary said that the Howard TV guys saw that she wasn't wearing panties. Raven showed Howard and she definitely wasn't wearing any.
Howard asked David if he was going to run the Sybian today. He said he can't. He said he'd get in trouble if he did that. David said that this was the first vagina he's seen in a long time. Howard told him that he should adopt Raven. Robin asked if they watch porn. David said that they do... but not together.
Howard asked Raven when she got into porn. She said she was about 20-21 and she was on her way to visit a friend and there were like 3 people on the plane. She said that she was sitting by herself and this girl came up to her in the back and sat next to her. She was telling bits and pieces of the story so Howard said that if Courtney Cox is listening, David is beating off.
Howard got back to the story and Raven told Howard about how she and this girl got into this discussion about being bi-sexual and they started touching and kissing. She said that she was the one who started in with the other woman. She said they were in the back so no one was bothering them back there. She said they ended up eating each other out right there in the seats. She said that they didn't even go to the bathroom to do it.
Howard said that David was taking pictures with his cell phone. David said that he's going to get into so much shit for this.
Howard asked Raven if she ever saw that woman again. She said she never did. She said it was just the one time. Howard asked David if Courtney's labia look as nice as Raven's do. David said they do. Howard said she has very nice labia. Howard said he thinks that she's David's type too because she likes to get dressed up in outfits and go to parties and stuff.
Howard asked Raven about what kind of parties she likes to go to. She said she loves costume parties. She said she has a Star Trek uniform. She gave them the Spock ''Live long and prosper'' hand signal. Howard asked if she knows much about Star Trek. She said she's still young so she's going back and watching the old stuff now. She said she just got into it. Howard asked if she knew what a Tribble is. She didn't know but she's young.
Howard read about Raven liking how she likes it when people wear masks during sex. She also likes a bunch of other stuff like guys cumming on her face. She doesn't think that's degrading at all. Howard said his therapist tells him it is.
Howard read that Raven was admitted into Harvard law school but she turned it down. Howard asked why she didn't go. She said she didn't think it was for her. She got into nude modeling and then into porn.
Howard read that she pleasures herself like twice a day. She said that's true. She said that she enjoys sex and she loves doing porn. She said she's actually married with two kids and she's only 23. David said it's like his mom all over again. Howard said his mom was a pin up girl aback in the 50s.
Howard said that Raven gave herself 100 orgasms in a day once. She also masturbated while driving 80 miles per hour on the highway. She said she thinks that was a bad idea but she did it. Howard said she's one hot chick. He gave her some plugs for her web site RavenAlexis.com and other stuff.
Howard said they're going to have the creator of the Sybian come in while Raven rides it during the 123rd ride on the show.
Howard had Dave Lampert come in after that. Howard said he's the creator of the product. David Arquette was laughing when he came in. Howard asked Dave how all of this came up. Dave said that he's almost 80 and he didn't want to talk about how he got into all of this. He said that his life experiences gave him enough to make him able to analyze the world by his standards so he knew they needed this product. Howard asked if he was a sex therapist or something. He said he was actually a dance instructor for 35 years. Howard said he must have been banging a lot of chicks and he wasn't giving them orgasms. Dave said he found out that many women weren't having orgasms and he figured out that they needed this machine.
Howard said he really appreciates him creating this product and bringing it to his show. He said he's had Jenna Jameson and Carmen Electra ride it before. Dave said he saw both of those rides.
Howard asked Dave more about what he had discovered and how he came up with the idea to invent this machine. Dave said after many years he went about the idea of inventing it and designing it. Howard said it's a pretty sophisticated machine. He said they have a lot of things going on. Howard asked if he sketched it out on paper first. Dave said it was a mental thing. He said he went through hundreds of different versions. He said if you watch the documentary you'll see some of the original designs. Howard asked how many deaths occurred during the designing. Howard joked that 23 had died but Dave said it was zero.
David Arquette was laughing his ass off during the whole interview. Howard asked if he got it patented. He said that they turned it down because there were some designs from the 1700s that described something similar.
Howard asked if they looked for test pilots for this thing. Dave said that they had some people who were around him that would try it out. They went to swing clubs and tried them out once they got some of the first designs worked out. Dave said that a doctor helped him develop the product. David asked if any vaginas had ever caught on fire. He said that they hadn't. Howard asked Dave if he had ever tried it out himself. He said he had. He said that he has had many orgasms on it while holding a woman who is using it. He said they sell the Venus 2000 as well so he's used that.
Howard asked Dave how old he is. He said he'll be 80 in October if he lives that long. Howard asked if he can still have sex at his age. Dave said he didn't want to answer that question. Howard said that's too bad because he should be having sex. He invented the Sybian. Howard asked why he doesn't try Viagra or something. He said he has no desire to do that.
Howard asked if the Sybian makes him money. Dave said he does. He said that he makes money and he's always made money. He said they have had increases in their annual sales up until this year. Howard asked how many they sell. He said he can't answer that exactly but it's in the tens of thousands, not the hundreds of thousands.
Howard asked Dave if he's made millions off of this thing. Dave said he had. He said he's rich by his own standards but he didn't say what those standards are.
Howard said that they were going to do the Sybian ride today. Dave asked if he could control it and control how it's used. Howard said that they don't do insertion there. Howard said they're not allowed to do that. He said that they just have women sit on it. Dave said that's only a portion of the stimulation. He thought that they had done insertion at some point. Howard said they hadn't.
Dave said he thinks that if they allow him to control it they'll see some things that they have never seen before. Howard said he was getting kind of creeped out.
Robin asked if they're still working on the Sybian or are they done. He said he hasn't changed it for about 22 years because he thinks he designed it just the right way.
Howard had Raven go over to the Sybian and gave her some plugs. He said that Dave is going to be an some awards show on Saturday night.
Gary said that Dave didn't want to use the set up they had. Howard begged him to just do it with what they had. Dave said he wishes that they'd allow him to use it the way they'd use it in their home. He wanted it on the floor the way it would be at home. Howard said that he didn't want to get into that and they can't start taking things apart.
Gary asked David Arquette if he has to call home and tell Courtney what happened before someone else does. David said he probably will. Howard said a happy birthday to Courtney and David's daughter while they were talking about that.
Howard asked Dave what he wanted to do with the Sybian. He said he wanted to put it on the floor and he wanted to hold her while she was using it. He said he had permission from her to do that. Howard asked if she really wanted to experience that. Raven said she was fine with that and she wanted to experience it.
The Howard TV guys came in and took the Sybian apart so they could put it on the floor. Gary said it was like a pit crew. They took it apart and put the Sybian on the floor. Howard said he thinks that Raven just ran out of the room. Robin said she thought this was supposed to be about fun.
Dave had the guys put the Sybian on a mat and then they got started. David said that this was ruining the visual with Dave in the shot. David said it was very creepy. Will said that Dave was grabbing Raven's ass. Dave was hugging her during the ride too. Dave was mumbling something to her as he turned up the power. Raven was moaning and Dave kept jacking up the power. He was saying stuff to her as she was trying to get off. Raven said she was cumming and Dave told her to say it loud so they could all hear it. Dave kept her going and she was yelling and cursing as she was cumming. Dave kept her going time after time. Dave told them to let her go.
Howard told Dave to let her up because it sounded like he was killing her. Dave told her to keep her eyes closed but Howard wanted to end it. Dave said he was going to go again. He let her rest for a few seconds and then started it up again. Raven said that she could go again. Dave told her to go again. She was moaning as he had the power surging up and down. Dave told her to just let it out. Dave wanted her to go again but Howard jokingly said they just got a call from the actual inventor of the Sybian and he was stuck at the airport.
Howard told Dave that was something. Gary had Raven get up. Howard asked if she was okay. She said that was the best ride she's had. She said she had about 15 or 20 orgasms. Dave said that he told them that they'd see something they'd never seen before. Howard said it was the weirdest thing he's ever seen. Robin said they saw an old man giving a girl a Sybian ride.
Howard said he thinks that Raven is in love with Dave. He gave them both some plugs and said it's going to be good on Howard TV. He said that Raven is a knock out, especially for an 80 year old. Dave said he didn't get an erection though. Raven asked if Arquette got one. David said that Dave pretty much killed it for all of them. Gary said he wasn't sure about an erection but he hasn't laughed that hard in a long time.
Dave said that the Sybian is getting an award tonight at some awards show. Dave told Howard that most women can go on much longer than they did today.
David asked if he could get a discount on one. Howard asked if David would do that with his wife. David said he would.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that this was just creepy. She said that they have a lot of cutting edge stuff on the show but this was just creepy. JD came in and said that he got a note from someone saying that Raven was into Necro porn.
Ralph called in and said that this was the creepiest thing he's ever heard on the show. He said that they should get Arquette on the thing. David was laughing his ass off at what was going on in there. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later. You can find out more about the Sybian at Sybian.com.
Howard came back and had some clips of Dave talking to Raven during her Sybian ride. Howard had him saying ''fuck me Raven'' and things like that. He said his favorite line was when he said ''get that poison out of your system Raven...''
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she loves the show today. Mariann asked if the 123 rides included all of them. Howard said it did so Mariann said that she was one of them. Howard said that David Arquette would have been a genius running the Sybian. He said it would have been the greatest thing in the world.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said it was great too. Another caller said that Howard is going to have to retire because he can't top this Sybian ride. Howard said that's for sure and that's going to be the top show on Howard TV when it hits. He said David and Courtney are going to have to come in there and do that.
Howard played more of the Dave clips of him telling Raven what to say while she was getting off. He took another clip from a guy who said that they should replace ''Peace and love'' with ''release the poison.'' Howard said that he almost bailed on that whole thing because they were bringing in power tools to dismantle the thing. He said he's glad he went with it. Robin asked how weird that guy was. Howard said he's everyone's favorite Grandpa.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he feels disappointed with anything in his career. Howard said not after today. He said that he would have been disappointed if he had let Dave go.
Howard said he feels that he has a lot of jealousy in the industry and also doesn't like that so many things have been stolen from the show. David agreed about him not getting enough recognition for what he has done. He said he's changed the face of the industry.
The caller mentioned the channel 9 shows as being some of the best stuff he's done. Howard said he saw a clip of what they had done in one show that was really funny. Howard said he had forgotten about it and it was really funny. He said that Dan Forman had sent it to him and now he forgets what it was again. The caller asked if they could have that Katsumi porn star on the show he wants to meet her. Howard said that he'd be disappointed if he met any of those girls in real life. They'd just blow him off.
Another caller said that Fred did an impression of Dave Lampert that was really funny. Fred didn't do it, it was actually David Arquette. David did some more of that for the caller. Howard told David to print out a transcript of that and reenact it with his wife.
Howard played some more clips of Dave doing his thing. David said he was glad he was there for this part of history.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that David should come back in next week and sit in again. Howard said he's welcome to sit in anytime. She said that it was a great follow up to George Takei.
Steve said they have a story about Underdog Lady possibly returning to the show. She's afraid to talk to Howard. Howard said that he's not sure why because he's been good to her. He said it would be wonderful to have her back on the show. David said maybe they can get her on the Sybian.
Steve said that they heard from a taxi driver who had Robin in his cab. They also have some other various stories and they've heard that Max Weinberg may be defecting to Jay Leno's show. Howard said that's a weird rumor going around and he may not be that happy with Conan and he might be going to Jay's show. Howard said that's a weird rumor. He said that Conan got badly burned by Jay and he hopes it's not true. Howard said that Conan took Max on and he hopes he has some loyalty to Conan. Steve also said they have Hulk Hogan doing a show on Monday night next week.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They went over some of the stuff that happened today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Sybian ride was the creepiest thing he's ever heard in his life. Robin said he has to see it on Howard TV. Howard played some clips of Dave talking to Raven during that ride. David said they have to get him saying ''fuck me Robin'' because he got that wrong when he was trying to say ''Raven.'' Howard asked David if he talks dirty to Courtney like that. David said not so much. He said he might slip in that ''release the poison'' line with her though.
Howard and Robin picked story 3 as the fake one while Fred went with 4 and David with 2. The actual false story was number four.
Fred played Robin's Guatemala music as she was about to start her first story. He also threw in the ''get that poison out of your system'' clip.
Robin read about a group that thinks that some animal attacks are happening from aliens and UFOs. Robin read how they came to that conclusion. Fred threw in the clip of Dave doing his ''get that poison...'' clip a couple of times during that story.
Robin read that some teachers can get into trouble if they know their students are active sexually. They've dropped some sex education classes because of that.
Robin read some news about a guy who killed his wife and was turned in by a young girl he was having an affair with.
Robin read about a study done on sleep walking and how people can be very violent when they sleep walk. She said that they found that the part of the brain that thinks about morals is asleep when people sleep walk.
Robin read a story about Sarah Palin and played some audio of her talking about some stuff. Howard said that she was the governor of her state and she quit. He said that she doesn't have any credibility after that. He said that Sarah Palin went to 6 different colleges in 4 years. He said that she's unstable.
Robin read a story about a guy who was on an airline flight and caused some security concerns. The guy was caught smoking in the toilet by an air Marshall. The guy came out and joked that he was trying to light his underwear so they went into full alert and scrambled some F-16 fighter jets. The guy has diplomatic immunity so he won't get into trouble for that.
Howard asked David who he would fuck if his wife died in a car accident today. David said that's a hard game to play. He said that he has changed his outlook on women since he got married. Howard asked if he likes Kate Beckinsale. He said she's hot. Howard asked about Jenny McCarthy. David quickly said no to her. Howard asked about Jennifer Aniston. David said that would be creepier than the Sybian ride today.
Robin said that Apple is introducing some new features in the fourth generation iPhone software. She said that there are rumors that they will have multitasking and other things. Howard said he'll be impressed when that iPhone can get the poison out of him. Robin said that would be great as a ring tone.
Robin read some news about Tiger Woods going back to play golf. She said they have a new Nike commercial where they have Tiger's late dad talking to him. Howard said it's really creepy. He said they're supposed to only ruin the commercial today and then it goes away. He said it seems really creepy to him. Howard played the audio of the commercial and they had Tiger's dad talking to Tiger asking him if he had learned anything and things like that. Robin had some audio of Tiger talking about coming back too.
Howard had Wendy the Retard on the phone. She was apparently talking to herself while she was on hold. Howard listened in and she was talking to her cat Lucky. Howard told her to talk about how she used to have sex with David Arquette. She said that they had sex like 30 times. He asked her if David raped her. She said he did. She also said that he asked her to get the poison out.
Wendy said that she has a lot going on down there and she has a new bowling ball on layaway. Howard asked if David had her shove that up her ass and pretend to be Jennifer Aniston. Wendy agreed with anything Howard threw out there. David moaned when he heard some of that. Howard said he likes that David feels he has to deny this stuff like someone is going to believe it.
Wendy said that she's wearing a diaper now. She said that she decided to do that herself. She said she was having bad dreams and was wetting herself. She said that she was going both when she'd sit and watch TV. Howard asked why she didn't clean her own doody. Wendy said her mom is the only one who knows how to get the stains out. Wendy said that she changes her own diapers though. She said sometimes the doody runs down her leg. Robin said that was disgusting. Wendy said she's up at about 240 pounds now. Howard said she must have hairs poking out of the diaper too. Wendy said she does.
Wendy said that her favorite TV show is Freddy Kruger and she'll sit in her dirty diaper during the whole thing. She said that her mom will ask her to change the diaper that she says she's had on for like 3 weeks at a time. Wendy said she stinks up the house with her farts too.
Howard asked Wendy if she smells her dirty diaper. Wendy said she does. Howard said he knew that because he'd do the same thing. He said he sniffs his underwear after work outs and stuff. He said he knows it's weird though. Howard asked David if he still wants to have another kid after hearing this. David just laughed.
Robin asked Wendy why she's not getting up and moving around. She said that she likes to watch TV and she doesn't like to get up. Howard said he knows that feeling. He said he'd rather just sit around and not get up.
Howard asked if Wendy has ever finger painted with doody. Wendy said she has done that. Howard was about to ask if she would paint something for her with her doody but stopped before he said anything. He said that he knows Wendy's mother is a saint for putting up with all of this.
Wendy said that her mom complains about her drinking and she'll tell her to quiet down. Howard asked if she shits her pants a lot when she drinks. Wendy said she does.
Howard told Wendy that Dave Lampert wanted to talk to her. He had the clips of Dave talking to Raven so he had him have a conversation with Wendy. David said that they just took that to a creepier level.
Howard said he loves Wendy. He asked if she had any doody in her diaper. She said she doesn't now but she will later. Howard found out she has pee in there already.
Howard asked Wendy what she had for dinner last night. She said she had chicken and baked potatoes and a banana split for desert. She said she had like 4 pieces of chicken. David asked if any of it came out of her ass. Wendy said it did, in diarrhea style.
Wendy said that they're doing a remake of Freddy Kruger and it's coming out on April 30th. She said she can't wait for that. Howard found out that Wendy has shit herself so bad that it has gotten into her shoes. She said that her mother makes her use the hose to wash off outside. Robin said she thinks they've heard enough after that.
Howard let Wendy go and then talked to Robin and David about whether or not retarded people should be allowed to drink. Robin said no. David and Fred said yes. Fred asked ''What's the damage?'' Howard said he doesn't think they should be allowed to drink. He said they have to help them.
David said it would be funny if they banned drinking for retarded people and there was a prohibition thing where they had retarded mobster's running around. Howard told him not to give out his ideas on the air like that. That's a good one.
Robin got back to her news and asked Howard if he got engaged and then cheated on the girl, would he deserve to get the engagement ring back. Howard said no. He said the ring is a gift. Robin said that he's wrong and a judge ordered a woman to give back the ring to the guy who cheated on her.
Wendy the Retard called back again so Howard asked her what was going on. She wasn't even on the phone. Howard hung up on her. Robin said she probably wanted money for that bowling ball.
Robin said that people are still down in the dumps about money. She had some audio of some guy talking about that.
Robin read about the dust and debris from the World Trade Center collapse and how people are still feeling the effects of that. She had some audio of a guy talking about the way fire fighters are still having lung problems after going down there after the collapse. Robin said they're still trying to deny them health benefits after all of that. Fred threw in the ''Get that poison out of your system...'' clip again.
Howard asked if David's sister is still doing that show ''Medium.'' David said she has and he's directed three of them. He said he loves directing. He said he's directing a movie too. Howard said he thinks that his sister is hot in that show. David said that she's an amazing actress. He said she's married to a guy who is on that show ''Hung.'' Howard said David has some cool connections in show business. He said his family doesn't do anything cool like that.
Robin said that Michelle Obama is out promoting good nutrition for kids. That led to Howard talking to David about meeting President Clinton and about how he was invited to the White House for some upcoming event. David said that Courtney wasn't with him when he met Clinton but she had met him before. Howard said he bets he put on the charm for her.
Robin had some audio clips of Michelle Obama talking about what they can do to stop childhood obesity. They played those clips and Howard did his Clinton impression as if he were talking to Courtney Cox. David had mentioned that they're going to be doing ''Scream 4'' so Howard and Robin asked about that. David said that they have the writer of the first one back to do this one.
Vinnie Favale called in and asked David about his sister dating Paul McCartney and how much he knew about that. David said he did meet Paul and he was awesome. David said that lasted just a few months. Vinnie asked if she was intimate with him. David said that she was. Howard asked Vinnie if he knew when Dave (Letterman) was with the interns. Vinnie said that his connection got bad all of a sudden. Vinnie said this was between him and David. Vinnie said that he's great on the show and he made the show today.
Robin read some news about the Rolling Stones coming out with a new album. Robin said they have a new song out now. Howard played Larry Pearce's ''She's a Worthless Cunt'' song as if that were the new Stones song.
Robin read about last night's American Idol. She had some audio where they told a kid they were going to keep him around until next week. Howard said the guy can't win. He said he has a nice voice but he can't win. Robin said that Rihanna was on the show last night. She had some audio of her singing. Howard said she's hot but she has a freaky hairdo. He said she shouldn't get any older than she is now. Robin said they brought back David Archiletta too. She had Howard play some of his performance.
Robin read about Usher having a new number one song. She played some of that. Howard said it sounded like a door was slamming during the song. Fred threw in some more door slamming sounds when Howard played it again. Howard said that's probably what Wendy's house sounds like at 4am.
Robin had some audio of a guy talking about writing a script for a film and how difficult it was. Howard played those clips and Howard was falling asleep. He didn't understand why they were interviewing the writer.
Robin read about this new movie ''Kick Ass'' and said that Howard might like it. Howard said that he wants real super powers, not kids who pretend to have them. Robin said she thinks they put on costumes and just go out and get into trouble. Howard said he's not interested. Robin wrapped up and Howard thanked David for sitting in. He said he was a good intern but he didn't get much work out of him. He told him to give his wife his love. David said that he's actually going to be on American Idol... unless they removed him from his position from this charity he's on. He said that they're going to be on the American Idol Gives Back show. Howard also gave him some plugs for his clothing line before ending the show. Howard said that the clothes are really nice. You can find out more at ProprClothing.com
David said he's also involved with this web site InMoo.com. He said you can see free movies there and the site is done really well.
David told Howard how honored he was to be on the show today. He said he loves listening to the show and listening to the Wrap Up Show and all of that. David said that he's always impressed with Fred and what he does. He said seeing everything behind the scenes is great too. David said that he loves that Howard still reads his own commercials. He said that it was also great being able to look over at Robin all morning. Howard ended the show around 11:50am.
Gary said that no one but Benjy would edit all of those things that were edited with his IP address. Jon said that Benjy will never admit it though. He won't admit to anything no matter how much proof they have on him.
Jon went over some other stuff they were going to talk about today and moved on to the Raven Alexis Sybian ride. Gary said that David Arquette was in there as a superfan of the show. He said that David mentioned that he really loves the show and when he heard that he was there for a Sybian ride day, he thinks he thought they were joking. He said that's like a fan's dream come true.
Jon asked Gary if they were going to have him do Intern type stuff today. Gary said he just wanted to sit in so they didn't have anything gin mind. Gary said that they told him to just sit in and hang out and he'd get to see how everything works there.
Benjy came in and said that it's kind of awkward for him to be watched even though David wasn't doing that too much. He said it can be kind of awkward though. Benjy said that David knows the show and he was asking about some of the people who were on today.
Gary asked if he ever got to go see a show that he loved. Jon said he got to go see Cheers and he got shown around back stage and it was very exciting. Gary said he sat in for a taping of Seinfeld in the front row. He said that he got to meet the whole crew and he got to meet Larry David at the time. He said that it was an episode that everyone picked as one of the 10 best. It was the one where Kramer and Jerry went to watch and operation and a Junior Mint ended up in the guy getting operated on.
Jon said that he got to see the X-Files one time too. He said that the show was named ''Jump the Shark'' and they were going to put him in it as an inside joke. He said that was very cool too. Gary said he got to see E.R. once too.
Jon said one of his favorite parts of the show was when David reacted to the pictures of his mom being on MrSkin.com. He had that clip to play so he played that. David thought it was awesome that his mom was on MrSkin.com.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they would let people sit in on the show more like David did today. Gary said that they could do that but it might not work as well as David did. Jon said that David did pretty good at picking his spots during the show. He said he didn't talk over anyone and he went with the flow of the show pretty well.
Gary said they had Dave Chappelle sit in for the show one time and that worked out. Benjy didn't remember that and he's a huge fan of Dave's.
The caller said that they could have some superfan come in and hang out. Gary said that it could be kind of annoying. He said that fans could get mad at them. The caller said they could have celebrity superfans sit in. He said they should go out on a high note with some of those people sitting in. Gary said that was a good idea.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Courtney not being on the show. He wondered what it's like to have David involved but not being able to get anything out of him since his wife isn't a fan. Gary said he's not sure she's not a fan but he isn't going to let it all hang out if his wife is going to hear it. He said that he did tell a lot today though.
Jon said David did talk about how he might have to make the preemptive call to his wife before he goes home. Gary said that he knows what it's like for people to misinterpret the show and tell his wife about it. He said that he has to make those calls himself sometimes to let her know what happened that day on the show.
Benjy said he doesn't feel like Howard would give him a chance in any conversation. He said there's no reason to open up like that.
Jon asked Benjy if he ever wants to be up front and honest about something but he can't because he feels he has to stay in character. Benjy said today wasn't like that but to explain it when you are goofing around just doesn't work.
Gary told Benjy that he does a horrible job of communicating when he's talking to Howard. He said he's never direct with his answers. Benjy said he's not best at that.
Benjy said he loves the show and he loves Howard but they don't seem to click on air. He said that might be his own fault or maybe that's what Howard wants. Gary said that Howard wants everything to move along quickly and Benjy slows it down with his answers.
Benjy said that they were talking about the Facebook thing the other day and that gives him more insight into what Howard wants to hear on the show. He said that has actually made his Facebook page much stronger.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that David was good on the show and he was laughing his balls off. He said his taint hurt from laughing so much today and it reminded him of the old shows. Gary asked who else could do that. They mentioned Neil Patrick Harris and Jimmy Kimmel as a couple. Benjy said that a lot of people could be good sitting in for a day. The caller said they're doing a terrific job with this show too. He said that they're all great and complete professionals.
Gary said that Dave wanted to change the whole set up and Howard wasn't too thrilled with that. Gary said that Dave told him he wanted him to get the special throw rug and pedestal. He said he didn't want to do that and Howard hated it already. He said Dave was in no man's land so they just walked him to the Sybian but he still wanted his stuff. Howard told him to do what they need and Dave gave him an irritated look. Benjy said Howard was ready to tell him to leave at that time.
Gary said that they've apparently been doing it wrong for 4 years now. He said that they had to take the thing off the stand they made. Gange came in with a power screwdriver that was dead. Then they had to get another one and there was dead time on the show while this was going on. Gary said he thinks the turning point was when Gange put the screw gun and you heard the sound of that on air. He said they got the bottom off after ripping tape and Velcro off. Then Dave threw out this rug on the floor and Dave was still irritated with the way things were going. He was moving it around and he put his pedestal down. Gary said that no one knew what was going on. Then Dave had to ask him and Will to help him get down on the chair. Gary said that they saw he was going to be face to face with Raven. Jon said he sat right in front of her and wrapped his arms around her.
Gary said the foot stool was like a foot off the ground. He said that it matched the Sybian so it was very creepy. Jon said that the whole thing was creepy. Gary said they gave Dave control of the Sybian after that and it all went from there.
Jon played a little bit of Dave coaching Raven on the Sybian. He had Dave saying ''fuck me Raven... let it go... keep it going... fuck me Robin, fuck me Raven...''
After that clip Jon said that Dave had no intention of stopping. Gary said he did shut it down because it looked like her body wilted like a marionette puppet when you let the string go. Jon said you hear the buzzing of the Sybian and Dave telling her to get off. Gary said she was absolutely getting off. He said Dave did bring a couple of elements to them about the Sybian. He they should have it on the ground because the girl gets a better feel. He said that he had her close her eyes too and that was to block the guys out. Gary said he's not going to be rubbing girl's backs and telling them to get the poison out though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Gary is going to run the Sybian that way now. Gary said the only guy who could get away with that is Benjy. Gary said that it appears to be much less imposing when it's on the stand too so they may leave it on that thing.
Another caller said that he was laughing his ass off during the whole thing. He said he has a mobile lunch truck and his customers were laughing their asses off too. Gary said he was ready for anything to happen today. He said that they didn't know the girl before today and they've never had anyone giving that kind of physical contact on the show.
Jon said that Raven came through in a big way today too. The caller said he thought that she would have started sucking the guy off if she had seen a cock during that ride.
Jon and Gary said that Dave was perplexed when they said it was very creepy today. Benjy said he was offended by that because he felt it was kind of sweet the way he was doing things. Steve Brandano said that it was creepy in every way and he can't believe Benjy didn't find it creepy. Benjy said there was an absurdity to it but it wasn't that creepy. Jon said there was a lot of ''put the lotion in the basket'' kind of stuff going on. Benjy didn't get the reference to ''Silence of the Lambs.'' Benjy said that he doesn't know what's creepy to Jon and Gary but it wasn't creepy to him. Gary said he loves how when Benjy doesn't agree with them he blames it on society. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that he loves that Martina ''gets'' the show. He said that it was a very full service show today with her and everything else that was going on.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Jerry O'Connell is sitting at home jealous today. Gary said Jerry would be great on the show too. He asked who else would be good for that. Gary said he's sure there are a bunch but they haven't come up with a list.
Another caller said that the Sybian guy sounded kind of like Ben Stern. Gary didn't think so. He said maybe it was because they saw him too. He said that he didn't have the same kind of authoritative voice that Ben does.
The caller said that Sal and Richard must have a lot of material now. Gary said he's sure they will have a lot of calls to make with those clips. He said they could end up calling poison control.
Jon took some more calls and one guy brought up the creepy segment where the father removed his daughter's panties. He said he has no idea what Benjy is talking about either. Benjy said that he still finds transsexuals creepy. He said he knows it's wrong but he is still creeped out by that. Benjy said he used to be grossed out by it but he has come around a little bit since the inventor of SIRIUS, Martine, was on the show.
Another caller said that Gary doesn't seem to like any outside ideas for the show. Gary said that's not true at all. The caller said he thinks it would be cool when they make prank calls they should tape the calls they make asking for permission to play them on the air. Gary said that they've done that and it doesn't really work. He said it's almost showing too much.
The caller also mentioned the Master Tape Theater shows and how they should do a follow up with the people who were on those shows to see what happened to them as a ''what ever happened to'' kind of thing. The guy asked if they know what's going on with Elegant Elliot Offen. Gary said he hasn't heard from him in a while.
Gary said that part of it is trying to find the people who were on the show. He said that they'll take it into account.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she wanted to defend Benjy about what he was saying earlier. She said that there was a movie made about these people who help women orgasm and it is kind of erotic. She said that some women want to be coached into something like that and they want the other person in control.
The woman said that she also had a comment about David Arquette. She said that he's great and he was really good as the director of ''Medium'' and he used her book in the episode. She said she didn't want a plug or anything but she thought it was very cool. It was the episode called ''Do You Hear What I Hear.''
The caller asked Gary if they have to get permission from the radio shows they prank. Gary said they don't have to if the show is being broadcast publicly. The woman asked how they can have the same people calling over and over again and not get that it's the same person. Gary said he likes that they threaten to call the cops when they get prank calls.
Ralph called in and said that the Sybian ride was creepy and Benjy saying it wasn't is very weird. He said Benjy comes off as very creepy.
Gary said he knew that the girl was going to scream when she was on that thing and he doesn't think that the guy helped her. He said it was just funny to watch. Benjy said he thought it was a really hard orgasm and he wondered how she sounds in her films. Gary said she sounds the same.
Ralph said it was fascinating listening to it. He said he had to stop what he was doing and there was that moment when Howard wanted to toss him. He said he just wanted to move on and the guy was sticking to his guns. He said it was almost better not seeing the visual. Gary and Jon said that Ralph has never seen anything like this and he has to see it. Ralph said the fact that they were helping him up and down was the best. He said he could visualize that.
David said he enjoyed watching Benjy working today too. Gary said he got to do the entire show and then went over to do the History of Howard and Best of the Week and now on the Wrap Up Show. He asked if he would like to host Superfan Roundtable too. David said he would like to be on the show sometime.
Gary said that everyone seems to think that David did a good job today. Jon said that he knew when to jump in and he did really good with that today. David said that he's amazed at how great Howard is an interviewer and it was great to watch him work. He said it's much easier when you're honest on the show.
Gary asked if Courtney listens to the show. David said she doesn't listen as much as him but she loves it when she does listen. Gary said that Christa Miller told him that she almost had Courtney talked into doing the show. David said she doesn't wake up that early usually. He said that it's tough for her but they might get her to do it sometime before it's over. Gary said he hopes it's not this year.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Martina hung around for the Sybian ride. Gary said she didn't stick around. She had to go do some interviews. Gary said that she knows what goes on around there though. Jon said that would have been the ultimate if she had been on the couch during that ride. That guy also suggested Jim Breuer as a guest to sit in through the whole show.
Another caller said that this guy Dave out creeped Lou Bellera, Amy Fisher's husband. Gary said that they should have him in as a judge with Wood Yee and Lou Bellera. He said that would be a great panel of judges.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked David if he would play Win Fred's Money with his wife. David said that he can't do that.
Benjy asked David if there was any part of the show that he'll have to talk to Courtney about. David said he's going to have to talk to her about it. Gary said that people might confuse that Dave guy with David so he might have to straighten that out. Gary said that's going to be a tough call to make. David said that he hopes it doesn't end up in print somewhere. He said that happens every time he's on the show.
Jon said it was interesting when he reacted to his mom being on MrSkin.com. David said that was a surprise to him and it was both thrilling and kind of sad at the same time. He said that his mom was able to use her body to advance herself and she was just free.
David said he did a movie of the week called ''Stealing Sinatra'' and they had set his room up as if it were the 60s and there was a Playboy in the room that he was flipping through. David said his mom was in the magazine in a nudist camp photo shoot and it was really bizarre.
Gary said that David might be the only person who has his mother, wife and sisters on MrSkin.com. Jon said that is some kind of achievement. He's not sure what though. David said it might be an achievement or just another low. They had to end the show a short time later. David got in some plugs for his stuff as they were ending it.
Best of the Week was over around 11:05am.