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Howard started the show talking about how he read an article about Robin in the news and she said some very nice things about him. He said he had to thank her for that. Howard said that she talked about the Vegucation of Robin in the article. Robin didn't hear him talking about that. Robin said she was running in when he did that. Howard said he was just thanking her for what she said about him. Robin said it was very easy to do. She said it was heartfelt and it came very easily.
Howard said he has to start the show with a couple of things from the internet. Howard said he has to talk about Breaking Bad. Robin said she couldn't sleep last night. Howard said he couldn't either. He said he had to jerk off to get to sleep. Howard said he's so tired because he stayed up to watch Breaking Bad and then Talking Bad. He said he had never seen that before. Robin said she did as well. Howard said he likes the use of the Baby Blue song at the end of the show. Fred said it was the greatest series ever with the greatest ending ever. Howard said he knows there has to be someone out there who hasn't watched it yet. He said he had to watch or someone would spoil it for him.
Howard asked why the ratings go up for the series finale of a show. He said that means that people who never watched it are watching it. Howard said he never watched it on the broadcast day but he did last night. Jon Hein said that people get on the bandwagon. He said some people were watching on Netflix and getting caught up.
Howard asked Jon what his rating was for this series finale. Jon said he'd give it a 9. He said he doesn't want to spoil it for anyone so he won't give the details. He said he thought Six Feet Under had a great ending. He said Newhart was great too. Jon said he wasn't a fan of the Sopranos ending. Howard said he wasn't either.
Howard said if you haven't seen the finale yet then turn off your radio. Howard said what was great about ten ending was that Walt came back and not Heisenberg. He said that it showed there was still a human being inside of Walt. Jon said he went out thinking that he was cooking for those guys too.
Howard said that you can tune back in now. He said he's not sure how anyone would know to tune back in if they turned off their radios though.
Robin said the last 8 episodes were amazing. Howard said you have to have a game plan for a show. He said he knows that they want to keep the show going but they have to have an ending. Howard said he admires that they ended the show. Howard said he's not sure he'd know when to leave. He said he might get too old and keep the show going. He and Robin did their old people voices and talked about how they might sound.
Howard said he has to give Vince Gilligan some applause. He said sometimes you don't know what the guy's name is. Howard said with this series they did know. He said it might be the Gilligan name. He said you can't forget that.
Howard said that he played Let it Loose for like 25 minutes and he was in ecstasy. He said he loves the lick they have in the beginning. Fred said he had the studio version of the song. He played it but Howard said it was the wrong version. Howard had him play another version. Howard said that's the one. He said he could die hearing that. Robin said she doesn't know this one. Howard said it's from Exile on Main Street. Howard asked Robin if she has iTunes. Robin said of course she does. Howard said he thought he was the only one. Fred said he has it too.
Howard said this one Fred was playing was a karaoke version. Fred said that's all they had in the system. Howard said he's embarrassed by that. He said that Sirius should have it. Howard said he sees that the stock is inching up. He said it was like $3.90 last week. Howard said he has money in the stock market and he never sees a return on it. Howard said he had Apple stock and that does well but then he has other stock that doesn't do well. He said he has a ton of Sirius stock but it's worthless. Howard said a lot of guys got in on it when it was a nickel. Howard said they deserve it of course. Howard said he wasn't going to buy more at that price.
Howard said he can't believe they don't have Let it Loose in the system. Fred said he has one that was 2 minutes and 43 seconds. Fred played that again but it was the wrong one. Howard told him to play it. Fred said it was supposed to be the Stones. Howard said he just wants to know what that is. Fred said he pulled up the karaoke version on YouTube.
Howard said he watched the show The Blacklist and liked it. Robin said she was on the fence. Howard asked how many seasons of Banshee there are. Robin said it's just one. Howard said Robin turned him on to that show. He said that was good. Robin said it will be back for another season. Robin said Orphan Black is another great series. Howard said he has to wrap up some of these things. He said he doesn't want more. He said he has enough shows.
Howard said he loves learning about stuff on the internet and he likes going to CreativeLive. He said that they have a guy who teaches how to do Photoshop and his name is Dave Cross. He said he loves learning new stuff. Robin said she wants to create a book with her photos but she's not sure how to finish it. Howard said he goes to BayPhoto to do that. He said that Apple has a service too. Robin said she was using that but she wasn't sure how to finish it. Howard said it's easy. He said that she should be able to just click buy and it will work.
Howard said he had a photo shoot with his sister last week. He said that he took her portrait. He said that Beth's calendar is coming out soon too. He said he shot that. Howard said the money goes to charity. Howard said it would be a mitzvah if you ordered it. He said if you love him then do it and buy a calendar.
Robin said that the government is going to have to shut down again. Howard said that it seems like the republicans are trying to force something to happen and it's not necessary. Howard said it's grandstanding. Robin said that they're saying that this isn't supposed to happen. Howard said they're coming off bad with this.
Howard read the article he was reading over the weekend about Robin in the Daily News (Robin Quivers details her path to health in 'The Vegucation of Robin'. Robin said she wants to cook for Howard. Howard said he doesn't want that. He said he likes what he has for lunch and that's all he wants. He said he doesn't want Robin wasting her time with that. He said he won't eat it.
Fred finally found ''Let it Loose.'' Howard had him play it. Fred said hopefully this time he'll sing. A few seconds later Howard heard Mick Jagger singing. Howard said it's such a great song. He said Gary has to get them in there. He told him he's fired if he doesn't. Howard said that they have to get them in and have a couple of young ladies come in to sing background. Howard said he'll get them in and out of there in a half hour.
Howard said he thinks that Graham Nash is coming in this week. He said that they're going to go through like 10 songs and talk about them with him. Howard said he loves that. Howard told Gary to get the Stones in there. He told him to do something.
Howard told Gary to get David Bowie in there too. He told him to get him to do an acoustic version of Star Man. Howard said he can then dig up Hendrix and get him in there.
Howard said he thinks men are disgusting in every single way. He said 90 percent of them smell. He said men are super ugly women. Robin laughed. Howard said that they're deformed women. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
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Howard said he found it odd that for a ''man of the people'' that he has to charge $500 for people to take a picture with him. Howard said there's a certain disgust that comes over him for that. Howard said it's just for a picture. Howard said he doesn't think the guy needs that money. He said you have to draw a line somewhere. Robin said that strippers do that too. Howard said they're not worth millions though. He said they need the money. He said that Bill has to be worth millions. Howard said he understands him doing a show and making money. He said the guy writes a book and he understands that. Howard said posing with pictures that he charges $500 for he doesn't understand. Howard said that's where his line is. Howard asked Robin if she agrees. Robin said she finds a lot of it hard to understand. Robin said she's not sure why he's even doing a show. Robin said he's acting and she doesn't understand that.
Howard said there's this guy named Romeo Rose. He said that he goes on a show and he has a web site where he advertises for a wife or girlfriend. He said that he'll give you $1,500 bucks if you set him up with the right woman. Howard said the anchor woman gets upset with the guy and it's a great clip. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how fat women have low self esteem and that's why he wouldn't want to marry one. He was going on about that and the anchor woman went off on him asking if he found her repulsive. Romeo said that he could tell she was a little overweight and he wouldn't go out with her.
Howard said the guy is an asshole but he gave her an honest answer. Howard said she invited the guy on the show so they knew he wasn't into fat chicks. Howard said this woman ends up throwing the guy off the show. Howard said he just told her exactly what he thought.
Howard played another clip where Romeo was talking about not wanting to date black women. The guy said that he doesn't think that the skin color is pretty. He said he likes white and pink like a white woman has. He said that black people look like monkeys or gorillas to him. The anchor asked if he's going to say that he's not racist. Romeo said that he's not racist. The anchor said she was going to shut this down. She said she can't do this anymore. She gave up at that point. Howard said the guy has a web site where he's looking for girls. He said the guy was being honest.
Howard asked Robin if she's up to date with the Jimmy Kimmel and Kanye West fight. Robin said she did hear some things about it. Howard said Jimmy made some fun of Kanye when he did an interview with the BBC. Howard said the guy sounds dopey in the interview. Howard said Jimmy came up with a bit where they had a kid recite what Kanye said. Howard said it's not that outrageous of a bit. Howard said no one would have cared if Kanye hadn't said anything. Howard said he started tweeting to Jimmy and Jimmy loves that. Howard said now Jimmy is in a war with Kanye and it's laughable.
Howard said the clip Jimmy played was a rambling clip of Kanye going on and on about rap and R&B. Howard played the clip and Kanye was rambling on and on. Howard said Jimmy did the bit with the kid having him say the same thing. He said that was it. Howard said Kanye West was on fire. Robin said he has no sense of humor about that stuff. Howard played more of Kanye rambling. Howard said he'd love to interview the guy. He said he's constantly at war with the Paparazzi. Howard said they'll go after you if you let them know you don't like them. Howard said they all camp out in front of his house because he's married to Kim Kardashian. Howard said that she needs them out there because her whole career is based on press. Howard played a clip of Kanye going off on the Paparazzi hanging out in front of his house. He said it was 4am and they don't need to be there. Someone told him to relax and that got him all pissed off. Kanye was yelling at them to shut up when they'd say something. He was telling someone to shut the fuck up when he'd say something. He called them mosquitos and bullies.
Howard said those guys are so good at that. Howard said they stay calm and just say they love him. Howard asked if they're really outside his house at 4 in the morning. Robin wondered why he'd come out if they were out there. Howard said he's sure that Kanye will end up going on Jimmy's show to patch things up.
Robin said that Jimmy was on Talking Bad last night. Howard said it's good publicity. Robin said there was no time for Jimmy on that show.
Howard said Jerry O'Connell is there. He said that he just read that Rebecca Romijn still has ''Rebecca Stamos'' on her driver license. Howard said that would annoy the piss out of him. He said he liked when Beth changed her name to Beth Stern. Howard said he'll ask Jerry about that. Robin said she can't believe that kid in Stand By Me turned into Jerry O'Connell. Howard said it's a testament to working out. Howard said he had to change. He didn't want to be a chubby kid all his life. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Jerry O'Connell is in the new show ''We Are Men'' which is on CBS tonight after How I Met Your Mother. Howard said that's a hell of a lead in for the show. Jerry said that his shows get canceled very quickly so don't rely on that. He told Howard the show is really fun. He said that they are recently divorced men who are going through various degrees of divorce and living in the same place. Howard said Kal Penn left the show House to work with the President as the Associate Director, White House Office of Public Liaison. Jerry said that he'll be working and he'll have to take a phone call and walk off set to take that call. He said the President will call Kal on the set. Howard said he's a major player. Howard said he thinks it's incredible that he walked away from a successful TV show to do public service.
Howard asked Jerry about working on a show like that and if they have to remember all of those lines. Jerry said they do. He said they don't shoot it in front of an audience. He said that CBS has a lot of success with those one camera shows and with multi camera too.
Howard asked when they get their script. Jerry said it's about 4 days before they shoot. Howard asked how he memorizes it all. Jerry said he's not sure it's interesting. He said he walks on a treadmill and reads the script. Howard said he has to stay in shape too so he does those things at the same time. Jerry said he has to give it about 6 hours and he can remember it. Howard said he doesn't think he could do that. Jerry said it's like a muscle and you work on it and it works.
Howard asked Jerry if he's on the treadmill the whole 6 hours. Jerry said it's over the course of 4 days that he jumps on the treadmill about 6 times. Howard asked if that's the hardest part of the job. Jerry said the hardest part is the early mornings on Monday. He said that they're in there at about 5am. Jerry said they'll work until about 5 or 6. He said they shoot 5 days a week. He said that he's exhausted from those two fucking kids he has. Howard said it sounds like he's in hell. Jerry said he's not in hell. Howard said most guys say that it's so easy. Jerry said that he's not sure why people would want to ruin a perfectly good relationship by having kids.
Howard said that he has three kids already. Jerry said he has kids and he's never been to Italy. He said that won't happen now. He said that Rebecca says hello. Jerry said that he's sorry they didn't get to see him this summer. He said that they wanted to drop by but they were only there for a week. Jerry said he would have loved to have rubbed their vagines on Jerry Seinfeld's couch.
Jerry said that he's referencing Whitney Cummings putting her vagine on his couch. Jerry asked if people were really laughing at that. Howard said they were. Howard said he brought Whitney with him to Jerry's house. He said they knew her boyfriend and all of that. Jerry said that he thinks he was there when Whitney met her boyfriend. Howard said they were invited to Jerry's house so he brought Whitney and Pete. Howard said he didn't want to leave them at his house. He said that Whitney was being outrageous and Jerry's wife was going at it with her. Howard said they got into a pseudo yelling thing. He said that Whitney threw a glass at Jerry's wife's head and he was mortified. Howard said they went into the other room and Whitney ended up taking her panties off and rubbed her vagina on their couch. Howard said it was all in good fun.
Jerry said if he rubbed his on the couch that it wouldn't go over very well. He said he could have spread his butt cheeks on it. He said that they would have yelled at Howard. Howard said he didn't know how it was going. He said he went in another room and poured himself a big scotch and wolfed it down. He said they loved her though. He said some people can get away with stuff and some cant.
Jerry said he was worried for her when she was talking about her show getting canceled. Howard asked how he handles it. Jerry said that it's tough out there and the success rate of a show isn't that high. Jerry said he called his mom after a show got canceled. He said that his mom actually taught Beetlejuice. He said he hopes he's doing okay. He said he heard that he's drinking a lot lately.
Howard said he heard he lives near the Kardashians. Jerry said they live in the town next to them. He said their store Dash is a mile and a half from their house. He said he has seen them for years out there. He said he first met them when they were in high school. He said they're very friendly. Howard said they were nobodies though. Jerry said they're interesting though. He said he sees the appeal of the show.
Howard said that Jerry has said that his kids have ruined his sex life. Jerry said they didn't ruin it, they just took it away. He said that the kids come into the bed at night so he can't do anything with her. Howard asked how often they're fucking. Jerry said it's a little more than once a week. He said it's not much more than that. Jerry said when you have two 5 year olds you have to finish quickly. He said they don't have time for blow jobs. He said he's more of a vagine guy and not a BJ guy.
Jerry said he was talking to a buddy of his who has some kids. He said they used to take a male enhancement thing that was over the counter. He said this was when they were younger. Howard said he was a man whore. Howard said Melissa Joan Hart went out with Jerry. Jerry said that he's referred to by her as a man whore. Howard asked if that was embarrassing to him. Jerry said it wasn't.
Jerry said he works out and he still gets people on Twitter saying that he looks like Keith Richards. Howard said he still has a belly himself. Jerry said he thinks Howard looks good. He said that Jon Hein is looking better than he thought he would. He said he'd like to see Benjy. Howard asked to see his tits. Benjy stood up for Jerry and Jerry said he has seen him looking thinner. Howard said Jerry just said that Benjy looks good so he can't take his word. He's telling everyone they look good.
Howard asked Jerry about the TV show and if Les Moonves ever comes by. Jerry said he has met him many times. He said he might be the best boss he's ever had.
Jerry said he heard that someone who used to work there is working for a different radio show. Jerry didn't want to say who it was. Howard said it's Tim. Howard said Tim is still there at Sirius and working in a different role. Jerry said he heard his name on a different show. Howard said Tim has more responsibility and he took a promotion. Howard said Tim isn't there every day now. Jerry asked how his weight is. Robin said they haven't seen him in a while. Jerry said it was shocking to hear that Tim wasn't there.
Jerry said this summer was tough for him not getting Howard every day. Howard said that he'd be working the same number of days either way. He said he does the same number of live shows every year. He said he does 112 new shows. Jerry said that he has to change his routine when he's off. Howard said that's good. He can spend more time with the kids. Jerry said ''Oh god.'' Howard said he's chasing kids around and he said that he masturbates more than ever. Jerry said it's actually less than ever. He said he does go on web sites and jerk off though. He said he goes to one site specifically. He said that it's YouPorn most likely. He said it's the safest site to go for that kind of thing.
Jerry said he went to work the other day and he had a piece of black electrical tape on his web cam. Jerry said he had it on there to cover up the camera. He said that he's paranoid that he's going to be caught in a paranoid position. He said that would be worse than having a dick selfie.
Howard asked how many times a week he jerks off. Jerry said he has a difficult time doing it at home. He said he can't do it when the kids are home. Howard said he gets that. Jerry said the kids wake up at all hours of the night. Jerry said he's most aroused when he's driving home in the afternoon. He said he gets home and there are no cars in the driveway. He said he jumps out of his car and runs inside with a hard on. He said he'll put the dogs outside and goes to it. Howard said he's the same way. Jerry said he has to let them back in because someone has to clean up after him.
Howard asked what he watches. Jerry said he doesn't like looking at other men. He said when he and Rebecca got married he told her he wanted to be young and married and travel. He said that as soon as they got married Rebecca wanted to get started with the kids. Jerry said that he had never tried to get a girl pregnant. He said his life was trying not to get a girl pregnant. Jerry said he would pull out and finish jerking off. He said his whole routine was not letting his semen anywhere near the girl. He said he was smart about that. Jerry said they tried a few times and Rebecca didn't get pregnant. He said Rebecca told him to get checked out so he had to go to a fertility clinic. He said someone recognized him there. He said it was so embarrassing. Jerry said that he went to the room to jerk off and it reminded him of the little booths they had in New York City. He said that a friend asked him to go to one and he remembers the smell in there.
Jerry said he put in a DVD at the clinic and they don't let you use any lube. He said they don't want to taint the sample. He said that the DVD was not good porn. He said there was a very muscular guy in the video and he only likes to watch women masturbating with dildos. He said that's what he likes to watch usually. Jerry said he used to be into extreme close ups of the vagine. Jerry said he put this DVD in and all he sees is the muscular guy. He said he couldn't cum. He said that he went on his lunch break and he was sweating in the room. He said he was in his work clothes and he was all sweaty.
Howard said he just thinks about girls and tugs on it and he's done. Howard asked if Rebecca knows that he does it. Jerry said he does tell her and she's cool about it. Howard said she's probably glad that he's not climbing on top of her.
Jerry said that he thinks that they're going to make it. He said that they had a lot of strains on their marriage that he didn't know where going to happen. He said that if you make it through 3 or 4 years of that then you can make it. Howard said that there is a lot to life and you can't have it all. He said that you have to give yourself over to the kids. Jerry said it's crazy but he loves the kids a lot. Howard said he doesn't have to say that. Robin said he does too. He said that he just said ''those fucking kids'' so he has to. Jerry said things aren't so bad now. He said what's helpful is when the family comes and takes care of the kids.
Jerry asked about JD going on his date with Beth tomorrow. Howard said JD went out and got his new suit. He said they all chipped in and got him a suit. Howard said that JD didn't know where to get it tailored. Howard said that JD has gained a lot of weight.
Gary came in and said that JD folded the suit up and put it in a bag. He said that he heard him talking about sending it out to get it cleaned and tailored. Gary said he told him that he could have gone out and gotten it done in a day. He said JD is like a lost kid and he doesn't know how to do anything.
Jerry said he and JD have a mutual friend who is super hot. He said he won't say her name though. He said she's an 11 and that's a 10 with a job. He said that the girl is smitten with JD and JD doesn't even know it. Jerry said he asked JD about her and he just mumbled something.
JD said that he knows who he's talking about and nothing has happened. He said he went to dinner with her a couple of years ago and that's it. Jerry said he knows her and he knows that she's into JD. He said he did set her up on another date though. He said he thinks that JD has a shot there. JD said he knows she just likes him as a friend. Jerry told him to get some confidence and if he does get inside of that he wants a detailed report. Jerry said he wants photos too. He said he'll delete them immediately.
Howard said they tweeted out a shot of JD in his new suit. JD said the suit has been tailored and he's picking it up tonight.
Howard asked Jerry if he only gets to watch one football game a week. Jerry said that's not a rule anymore. He said that the kids don't like to watch anything that's not animated. He said his two daughters don't like that. Howard said he thought he had a daughter and a son. Jerry said Charlie is a girl. He said it's a unisex name so that's what they used.
Howard asked Jerry about his nightmare visit to Disney. Jerry said the kids hate it and it ends up a fight. He said that there's no sex, no jerking off and you end up by yourself. Howard said he put a dead bolt on his door to make it possible to jerk off at home when he had kids around. Jerry said that there is a sink and soap in his room.
Howard asked Jerry if there's more pressure on him than the other guys on the show. Jerry said they're a team so they share that. Howard asked if he'll be upset if the show is canceled. Jerry said that he'll take it in stride. He said Rebecca will understand if it happens. Howard asked if she gets dressed up for him. Jerry said she's looking real good these days. He said she wears a lot of t-shirts and shorts but he likes that.
Howard asked if she watches porn with him. Jerry said they have a TV in the bedroom and he knows they say that's bad. He said he and Rebecca watch a lot of shows together in that bedroom. He said that they put those fucking kids to sleep and watch their shows. He said when he needs some he puts on a porn in the bedroom. He said he keeps it low so he doesn't wake anyone up. He said Rebecca will come in and she's the one who picks the porn. He said that she loves the porn where they have a group of African American men and one Caucasian woman. He said that she'll have her husband in the corner watching. Howard said that's a cuckold. Jerry said that's a joke. He said that he does let her pick out the porn but that's a joke. Jerry said he doesn't need the porn. He said he does that to get her in the mood. Howard said that Beth is too critical during porn. Jerry said they only have minutes to have sex. He said he likes his wife to climax. Howard asked if they use toys. Jerry said they do not. He said that they are both quite satisfied.
Jerry said that he knows Beetlejuice as Lester. He said when his mom taught Lester he was there for many years. He said Lester was a favorite of his mother's. He said he knew him and he'd visit him in New Jersey at PS31. He said that he had a Marcus Allen jersey when he was like 8 or 9. He said one morning he went to get it and it wasn't in his closet. He said he asked his mom where it was and she told him she got rid of it. He said he yelled at her about doing that. Jerry said that he screamed at her about it. He went to visit his mom at school one day and Lester was wearing the jersey. He said his mom would bring clothes to school and give it to the kids. He said it was an Epiphany for him when he saw that. Jerry said he thinks that she thought she was doing the right thing.
Howard asked if it's true that Rebecca is still Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. Jerry said that is true. She did not change her name. Gary came in and said that he really has to go. He has to go over to do CBS This Morning.
Jerry said he met Mark the Bagger earlier. Howard said he's coming in next. Howard gave Jerry some plugs for his new TV show and let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said he knows that Jerry might get punched again after today's interview. Howard said she's going to knock him out in the third round. Howard said Jerry is a great guest. He said he talks about everything. Howard said he didn't know that they watched porn. Mark said it's great that she loves watching Mandingo. He said they have to have him back on Celebrity Superfan or something. Howard said they didn't know that she likes to watch that stuff. Howard said Jerry made his job easy today. He just sat back and listened.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she's going to Robin's book signing on October 9th. She said that Howard is wonderful and she's glad that Robin is well. Mariann started to sing and Howard hung up on her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows they did a bit about his dad a while ago. He started to explain it but Howard ended up hanging up on him. He said he was bored.
Howard said Gary the Retard's mom died. Howard said that he's such a sweetheart. Robin said she didn't know his mom was still alive.
Howard said he was listening to Deep Tracks and they had a Neil Young cover of ''Blowin in the Wind'' that's so great. Howard said he had never heard it before. He said that's why he listens to that channel. Howard said he'll turn Robin on to it. Howard asked why this stuff isn't in the system if they play it there. Robin said Meg Griffin probably goes into her own system for that stuff.
Fred played what he thought was the song Howard wanted to hear. Howard asked what's wrong with the system. It turns out Fred had the right song but Howard didn't know what the start of the song was with the war sounds. Howard said that's a heavy statement. He said he's not sure what the statement is though.
Howard sang along with the song a little bit. He said he'd look great up on stage with his axe playing the song himself. Howard said this is such a good version. Robin said she's really enjoying it.
Howard said that Jerry should become Jerry Romijn Stamos and his brother should be Charlie Romijn Stamos. Howard said he and Beth should do that too.
Howard asked Robin if there's a story about her making out with Jerry at any point. Robin said there is not. Howard said he's glad that Jerry wasn't beaten up by Rebecca lately.
Ronnie came in and said he can't do anything nice around there. He said he gets his ass ripped open when he does. Howard said that it's just funny that he was taking JD shopping. He said it's like a nerd going shopping with his Mafia dad. Ronnie said it was an experience. Howard asked why they didn't get he suit tailored at Macy's. Ronnie said they take too long. They were going to take a week to 10 days.
Ronnie said they got JD a couple of shirts with the suit. He got shoes, socks, a belt, t-shirts and more. He said when they were done it cost $525. He said that they had a lot of discounts at Macy's so that's how they got out of there so cheap. He said they saved like $135 with the cards and all of the discounts.
Howard said he knows Beth is going to come home a changed woman. Howard said they're going to go see the movie ''Gravity'' tomorrow. Howard asked JD how he talks to his wife. JD said he's heard about the movie for a couple of years now. He said he knows Beth is part of this movie society. He said he emailed her and asked her to let him know when she heard about a screening. JD said that he was willing to donate money and then she e-mailed him back about the premiere. Howard said that he's going to have to walk the red carpet with her. Howard said it'll be like she's helping a Make-A-Wish kid. JD told him to yuck it up.
Howard said that Beth is going to get dressed up. JD said she can wear anything she wants. JD said that what Ronnie did was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for him. Lisa G went with them to cover the story. Ronnie said she was the most annoying thing about it. JD said that they were in the shoes and she kept looking at shoes that were like 500 bucks and she was petting them like a cat.
Ronnie said JD had heavy white socks on so he had to grab some smaller socks for him. He said Lisa wanted to see his feet. Ronnie said he didn't want to see them. JD said he didn't show her his feet. JD said he didn't need her reporting back about that.
Ronnie said they had to call in and do a live report from the store. He said it was really annoying because her phone didn't work.
Gary said there must be something going on with JD's feet. He figured that he has long toe nails or something. JD said that might be it. He said he doesn't have toe fungus though. JD said he doesn't have one good feature. Howard said Benjy says he has nice eyes and nice calves.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked when the Behind the Scenes with JD is going to be on. Doug told Howard it'll be on soon but he didn't have a date. The woman asked about something else and Howard said he has no idea. The woman asked when they're going to make the announcement about what's going on with the TV show. Howard said they're working on it but nothing is settled yet.
Howard said Beth is looking forward to their date. JD said he doesn't want to screw anything up. He said he wants to be out of the way and just watch the movie. Ronnie said he has to walk the red carpet. JD said he'll do that but he wants to stay out of the way.
JD said it's tough because the Reds are in the playoffs and there's a game tomorrow. Howard said he can stay home if he wants to. JD said he wants to go. Gary said that he's a big fan of the Reds so it's really tough for him.
JD said that he has heard a lot about this movie ''Gravity'' and he's really looking forward to seeing it. He said he wants to see it as soon as possible. Howard said JD is busy emailing Beth about it. JD said that he'll just soak it all into his head after he sees it. Howard said he could listen to JD talk all day. He said he's the best. Howard let him go after that.
Mark said that he understands that Beth has another man besides Howard. Howard asked who it was. Mark said that he heard that she's a big fan of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Howard said she is. Mark said he heard that she likes Ben Rothlesberger who is also his cousin. Howard said that's not her idol though. Mark also thought Howard was a Jets fan. Howard said he likes them but he's a big Giants fan.
Howard asked Mark if he's going to get married to his girlfriend. Mark said yes. He said they're going to get married in 2 years. Howard asked where he proposed. Mark said he did it in his bedroom last Halloween. He said that she said yes. Howard asked if he was nude at the time. Mark said no. He said that they do fuck a lot.
Howard asked why he's waiting 2 years. Mark said he wants to be married by 40. Howard said he has a new cologne out and he has pictures of himself out. He said that you can find out more at Bagger7.com.
Howard asked Mark about how the cologne came about. Mark said that his manager has a friend from high school who did this.
A big piece of the studio fell on Howard's knee while he was in the middle of that. Howard said that this studio is built like shit. He said there's nothing like hurting himself and seeing Scott the Engineer walking in. Howard said that they should have this on a hinge. Scott said that it is on a hinge but it wasn't put back together right. Scott said the lighting guy from In Demand has to go in there to turn stuff on. Howard said this isn't funny. Mark was laughing though. He said he didn't know why he was laughing.
Howard said he's sorry that distracted him. Howard said that Mark says he masturbates twice a day. Mark said he does it on the weekends once during the day and once at night. Howard asked how long he waits between sessions. Mark said he waits half an hour.
Howard asked Mark about what kind of porn he watches. Mark said he'll watch any kind. Howard asked if he's into girl on girl. Mark said he likes lesbian and guys cumming on girls. Howard asked if he cums on his girl's face. Mark said he does. He said she likes it. Howard asked if he thanks her after. Mark said oh yeah.
Howard asked Mark if he has tasted his own semen. Mark said he has not. Howard asked if she accepts his cum in her mouth and swallows it. Mark said no.
Howard said that Robin wants him to ask about the cologne. He said he really doesn't care though. Howard asked Mark if he ever eats his girl's ass. He said no. Howard asked if he's ever had another girl in bed. Mark said his girl did want to bring another girl in. He said that they were talking about having a threesome one night.
Howard asked if he's going to have kids. Mark said he can't have kids. He said he's been sterilized. Mark said he's okay with that. Howard said he's living the high life.
Howard asked Mark if he gets high. Mark said he's sober. He did that on his own. Howard asked what the meaning of life is. Mark said he doesn't know.
Howard asked Mark about this cologne. Mark said that Anthony's friend came out with it. Howard said he has gone to the web site and they did a high fashion shoot with him. Mark said it's like Justin Timberlake's web site with his face on it. Howard said no one expects to see it. Mark said that his girlfriend Jen likes it. Howard said Mambo has nothing on this stuff. Howard asked Ronnie if he wanted to try it. Mark said they tried to get him to try it but he wanted nothing to do with it.
Howard asked where Mark is working now. He said he works at a casino. He works in the employee cafeteria. He said he cleans up and does odds and ends there. He said he's making decent money doing that. Mark said he wears the cologne when he goes out to clubs but not at work.
Howard asked Mark why it's the number 7. Mark said that's his lucky number. Howard asked if they'll have other scents. Mark said this is it but there could be other products.
Howard asked Mark to talk about the Bagger lifestyle. Mark said it smells awesome. Robin asked what the lifestyle is. Mark said he works and comes home, watches football and wrestling.
Howard gave Mark some plugs and said you can get other Mark the Bagger merchandise by emailing Larry@netcarrier.com. Mark said they have DVDs and stuff like that. He said that Bam Margera is in his DVD. Howard asked when he last spoke to Jimmy Pop. mark said that it was a long time ago. He said he stopped doing things with them after they made him do gay stuff.
Howard asked Mark if he's against gay marriage. Mark said he is. He's against all gay stuff. He said he did have a lesbian couple that he was friendly with and they were cool.
Howard gave Mark some more plugs for his Bagger7 cologne. Howard said that his web site looks great. He said Mark is something else. Howard said he's working now and he's got his business going on. He has a girlfriend and he's talking marriage. No kids and he likes that. Howard asked Mark if he can suck his own dick. Mark said that's gay. Howard said he's right about that. Howard said he may have run out of shit to talk about. Mark said he wanted to be a guest on his America's Got Talent. Howard asked if he wanted to audition. Mark said he wanted to judge. Howard said he's thinking that he could win a million bucks if he sucked his own cock. Mark said no to that. Howard said he could just wear goofy outfits every week and suck his own dick.
Mark said his mom would yell at him if he did that. Howard asked how she'd know. Mark said he doesn't know. Howard gave Mark some more plugs and found out that he has sold 20 bottles so far. Howard wished him luck with that and everything else. Mark said that he likes America's Got Talent. He said that Howard and Howie make his night. He still wants to be a judge. Howard said he's all for it. Howard asked if he's going to watch this week. Mark said he is. Then he said he knows it's over until next year.
Howard asked Mark if he's okay with the kiss he had with Howie. Mark said that's fine. He said that kind of stuff is okay but when Howard asked if it's okay to fuck him in the ass Mark said that's not cool. He said it's fine if Howie fucks Howard in the ass. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Mark didn't either.
Howard said maybe Mark can come to AGT next year to watch. Howard asked if he'd let Howie fuck him in the ass. Mark said no.
Howard said maybe they can come out with a condom called Mark the Scumbagger. Mark didn't like that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Bill O'Reilly told 60 Minutes that the holy spirit came to him in a dream and told him to write a book about Jesus. Howard played a clip. He said that's pretty amazing. Robin said no one came to her like that when she wrote her book.
Howard said they say that global warming is definitely man made. He said Scott DePace still refuses to believe it. Scott said that he isn't a scientist. He said he's unwilling to accept a liberal biased viewpoint. Robin asked why it's a liberal bias. She asked why a scientist can't be right. Scott said he thinks that they want people to get off of oil. Howard said Scott thinks that it's a conspiracy to stop from drilling so much. Howard said it's the UN saying that it's a man made thing.
Howard said he can't believe that McDonald's is releasing a healthy menu. He said that they have a salad with fruit in it. He said he's not sure who would go there for an apple. He said it seems to be working though. He said he saw one less cellulite dimple on Jon Hein's ass today.
Howard asked Jon if they're making a mistake. Jon said they've had that for a while now. He said that's not why you go to McDonald's. He said you go somewhere that offers you something healthy.
Howard said Katie Holmes just became the face of Hellman's mayonnaise. Howard said he's not sure why they need a face. He said someone should be fired over there. They should use Jason Kaplan's face on something like that. Howard said Mayonnaise is the least popular condiment. Howard said he's not sure why Katie would want that.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked why Sal can't jerk off at work but Jerry O'Connell can. Howard said he doesn't work there. Howard said that's up to his employers. Howard said he told Sal that he didn't want that going on there and made him stop.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if Robin is coming up to Boston to do a book signing. Robin said no. She's doing one in New York though.
Howard said the whole time Mark was being interviewed he had index cards that he was staring at the whole time. Howard said that should be a good Howard TV episode.
Tommy asked Howard if he thinks that people should criticize things they don't know about. Howard said he knows he's walking into a trap. Tommy said that he didn't watch Brickleberry but he bad mouthed it. Howard said he didn't see the show but he knows that they were doing a tribute to Riley Martin and not ripping him off. He said he really has to go. He said he can smell him coming from a mile away with those questions.
Howard asked himself what the fuck he's still doing there. He asked how many years he's been doing this. Robin told him not to let him get under his skin.
Howard asked Robin what's in the news. Robin said it's interesting that Fred didn't play one of her theme songs. Howard said she missed it earlier. Howard said that she was talking to someone and he heard her. Howard said they played her a song. Robin said she didn't want another one. Fred started to play one. Robin then remembered that they played the Mark the Bagger song. Howard played her ''Empire State of Boobs'' which was one that just came in. Howard said he had a couple of others that he played for Robin. They were all from Eli Braden.
Robin said that she was surprised that Bob Dylan has 6 children and one of them is from a secret marriage that Bob has never acknowledged. Robin read about this marriage and what went on with the daughter. Robin said that the girl is a lesbian and she's getting married but they don't think Bob will show up to the wedding.
Robin read about the movie ''Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2'' and thought that it was a Jay Leno book. Howard said that was Flying with Roast Beef or something. The movie had nothing to do with Jay. Robin said it was the number one movie at the box office. Robin said she's happy now that she knows it wasn't Jay Leno.
Robin read about the movie Don Jon and said that was the number 5 movie at the box office. Howard said that Joseph Gordon-Levitt was saying that just a couple of million would be a hit for him. Howard read some email they got about his appearance on the show. Howard said he thought the guy was good.
Howard read an email about a song that Fred played on the show. It was Cyndi Lauper and Jonny Lang performing ''Crossroads'' live in the studio. The writer didn't know how to find a copy. Howard played some of the song.
Howard ended up playing the top 5 songs after that. Howard said that Robin Thicke was at number 5. Number 4 was Avicii. Number 3 was Lorde, number 2 was Katy Perry and number 1 was Miley Cyrus.
Robin read about Breaking Bad's creator saying that he knows that the fans wanted a lot of answers. Robin had some audio of Vince Gilligan talking about the final episode of the show. Howard played some of it but said he didn't want to hear that. He said he just wants to watch the fucking show. Robin said that Vince was saying that he was a big fan of the Twilight Zone and the show is still on the air. Robin said that Gilligan is hoping that his show will be the same. Howard said he thinks that it is one of those shows. Howard said he won't watch it again but he thinks that people will always say ''check it out'' to other people.
Robin said that she has a problem with the final show. Howard told Robin to talk about it and just tell the fans not to listen. Robin said she's not sure that Jesse deserved to live. Howard said that he gets away Scott free but Walt came back to being Walt and not Heisenberg. Robin said he went to kill Jesse though. Howard said that was Heisenberg and it was Walt who won out. Robin said that was all of the suffering he had gone through though. Howard said that was in for their 2 minutes of discussion.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he finds it fascinating that they had to chip in to buy a suit for JD at Macy's. He asked why one person couldn't buy it. Howard said he thought it was very nice that they did that for him. He said they chipped in a few bucks for him. King said that a suit is only like $125 there. Ronnie said that's Mr. Millionaire over there riding his daddy for his money. He said they know all about how he cries to his dad when he wants money. Howard said he wishes he'd go to his dad for money for a new phone. He said the service is shitty.
Howard said Darryl Hannah announced that she's autistic. Howard said she must be the hottest retarded person ever. Howard said he had no idea. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about how they're auctioning off stuff from Breaking Bad. Howard said he's not a collector and he wouldn't even know where to begin with that. Robin said that many of the items from the show are up to a couple hundred dollars. Robin said that many of the items are $200 each.
Howard said Ralph is doing a Breaking Bad special tonight on Howard 101. Howard had Ralph on the phone to promote that. Howard asked when that's on. Ralph said it's on at 7 on Howard 101. He said the show was great last night. Howard asked who will be there. Ralph said that Jon Hein and Richard Roeper will be there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he read that Jim Meyer is going to do what he can to keep Howard there at Sirius. Howard said he saw that article. The caller said Howard has said he isn't coming back. Howard said he's not sure what he'll do when the time comes to renew. He said he hopes he's still alive in 2 years. The caller told Howard that he looks anorexic being so skinny. Howard said he's just limiting his intake of food. He said that's not anorexic. Howard told the guy to fuck off. He went back and forth a couple of times and called the guy cunt lips and, before he could get another word in, he hung up on the guy. Howard said he's wearing a nice size 36 inch jeans. He said he has flat abs and a hot look. Howard asked Benjy if he's jealous. Benjy said he is actually.
Robin said that a Saudi official has said that if women drive cars they can damage their ovaries. Howard asked what it's like to be an idiot. Robin said that they are trying to keep a driving ban over there. Howard said that there's such backward assholes in this world. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.
Robin read a story about Apple being the most valuable brand in the world. Howard said he loves it. He said he's on his phone, computer, iPad and he's having fun. Robin said she really likes the new iPhone. Robin said it's easier to use. Robin said it's much friendlier. Howard said she should test that and sext him a picture of her boobs. Robin asked Howard if he knows what the number 2 brand would be. Howard asked if it was Bagger 7 cologne. Robin said she doubts that it's on the list. Howard said they had a commercial on for KFC and it looked so good. Howard said he knows it's horrible for you though. Howard said the burgers look so good too. He said he had to eat a banana or something. Robin said the number 2 brand is Google. Howard said he loves Google too. Howard asked what browser Robin uses. Robin said she uses Safari. Howard said he does too. He said he loves the web and learning online. Howard said he loves classes. He said the internet is the greatest thing. He said he wishes that he had it when he was a kid. Robin said that Coca Cola is the number 3 brand in the world. Robin said it's the first time they haven't been number 1.
Robin read a story about people having seizures at an art exhibit. Robin said that 3 people have had seizures so they've shut it down temporarily.
Robin read about some car bombings that happened in Iraq today. Robin said that 36 people are dead so far.
Howard took a call from a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator. Howard asked Robin what she'd rate him. Robin said she'd give him a 7. Howard said he might knock him down to a 6. The caller said he was just trying to get on his show. Howard said he's going to take that down to a 5 as he hung up on the guy.
Robin read about the government shutting down if the debt ceiling legislation isn't settled. Robin had some details about that and some audio clips.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed that he knew how to stop his penis from dribbling. The guy told Howard that he had a really tiny penis and he ended up using a central vac to make it bigger. Howard said he must be out of his mind. Howard said he has to put in a disclaimer and say that you could lose your cock doing this. The caller said he has to hear this. Howard told people not to use a vacuum to make your cock bigger. The caller said he tried it and it made the dribble stop. Howard said he read about a guy who lost his cock to something like this. The guy said that he does it for an hour at a time. He said he went from one inch to 5 inches flaccid and 9 inches hard. Fred said this won't work. The caller said it does work. He said his dribbling stopped and his penis is longer. Howard said he may end up doing this. The caller said it works. Howard said he's vacuuming now. Fred played a sound effect. Howard let the guy go and read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about an author who is saying that the Osama bin Laden raid story is not true. Robin said they claim that the Pakistani government has a report about it and it appears we may not b telling the truth about the attack.
Robin read about some events this week where people will be doing nude things like nude yoga, body painting and more. Howard said the ugliest people show up for those things. Robin said they won't allow cell phones or cameras at the events. Howard said he thinks there's something wrong with people who aren't ashamed of being nude.
Robin said the season premiere of Saturday Night Live was this week. Robin said they had Aaron Paul on the show and he chimed in on affordable health care in the opening segment. Robin had some audio from the sketch.
Robin read about one of the girls from Pussy Riot who was on a hunger strike in jail and had to be sent to the hospital. Robin had some audio of their music and Howard said it's no wonder they threw them in jail.
Robin read about Kelly Clarkson and Will I. Am being the hosts of the American Music Awards this year.
Robin said she met the girl who lost her leg in a taxi accident there in New York. Robin said she taped the Dr. Oz show last week and met her there. Robin said Dr. Oz loves her book and used her recipes. Robin said that Dr. Oz was one of the people who came to her aid and saved her life. Howard said it's a shame she lost her leg. Robin said she's a beautiful girl. Howard said he can't imagine. Robin said she was very nice and thankful to everyone. She didn't seem to be slowed down at all. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:05am.
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Gary said he has to talk about King of All Blacks. He said he's such an asshole. He said that he was giving them a hard time about chipping in for JD's suit. He said that the guys wanted to go in on it together for JD. Gary said Benjy backed out though. Jon said Benjy just said it said it for the air.
Gary said that Howard, Robin and Fred and he chipped in on something and Ralph called and asked why he was chipping in on a gift and not buying something on his own. Gary said King gets under his skin. He said he makes good money on his own but he is not living the life of a sanitation worker based on his income. He said he had a family that had money. He said he finds it funny that he doesn't recognize that.
Jon said he felt bad for Bobo today. He said he won a national driver instructing award and he called in to talk about that and Howard gave him a sentence and hung up. Gary said that's like the boy who cried wolf. He said Bobo calls in every day and Howard hung up because he calls in so much.
Jon said that he has to talk about JD going to the dry cleaner too. He said that he doesn't think that he had any idea that they could do the tailoring thing in a day. Gary said he knew that he could find someone to do the work in a couple of days at the most.
Gary said that poor JD won't be able to watch the Reds game if he goes to the movie tomorrow night. Jon said that he wishes he was there himself. He said that JD really wants to see that movie though. Gary said he can wait 6 months for it to come out on DVD. Jon said that they'll have to question him about that.
Jon said that JD might have some kind of foot problem. Gary said he thinks that he just has long nails or something. He said that he did say he didn't have fungus. Gary said he's dying to see what they look like. He said maybe they just need to be cut a little or maybe it's a lot.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they're always ragging on JD. Gary said they're not. He said they all bust balls there. Gary said they're trying to help him grow up. He said JD is 32 and he needs help with that.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how JD doesn't know how to cut his toe nails. The guy said that JD was middle aged too. Gary said he's not middle aged. Gary said they don't even know if the toe nails aren't cut. Gary said that JD has been on his own since he was like 17 and there are things he doesn't know.
Benjy asked why the caller would be angry about him not cutting his nails. The caller said it just baffles him. Benjy said he gets that but he's not sure why he's so angry about it. Jon said he thinks that it's just laziness. Benjy said he thinks it's cosmetic.
Jon said that JD probably didn't expect this to come up. Gary said he should have because someone gave him a heads up about it.
Gary told Benjy he owes $127.50 for that suit. Benjy said he just said that on the air. He didn't want to contribute to that whole thing.
Jon wondered why Howard was going off on Ronnie about the suit thing. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said that he dresses fine.
Ronnie also went off on King of All Blacks about the way he talks about people on the show. He said that he gets under his skin. He said that he thinks that everything he has is better than everyone else. He said he didn't earn all of that money he has either.
Jon took a call from a guy asked if they've ever thought that JD is mildly autistic. Gary said that one of the shrinks they had there said that he might have something that's a little less than Autistic. Jon and Gary said they don't think that he is autistic at all. Ronnie said he thinks it was just the way he was brought up. He just doesn't know what to do. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie what he intended to buy and if Lisa talked him out of it. Ronnie said they found a dark grey shirt that they didn't go with because they didn't have it in his size. He said that he was the one who said that the blue shirt was too casual. Ronnie said that JD was feeling awkward as he was and she was asking to see his feet. Lisa said that he was talking about wearing gym socks with his shoes. Gary wondered if he has mangled toes or something.
Ronnie said Lisa was going to make JD look like a total asshole. Gary said it is a story now. Jon asked if Ronnie knows what he's doing as a shopper. Lisa said that he had a plan and he knew what he was doing. Lisa said that she knew the store so she helped them get around. Lisa said JD looked so handsome and he's going to look great.
Jon asked how he'll do on the red carpet. Lisa said he'll do fine. Jon asked what he should do. Lisa said that Beth will be alone and they'll get some shots of JD on his own. Ronnie said that they'll start yelling at him and he'll just give a stupid look and keep walking.
Jerry said that Howard is weight obsessed and he likes to be like a rock star. He said he has that kind of body type. Jerry said Howard thinks that's what other people should have and that's just not what people have.
Gary said that Robin was talking about how Jerry grew up and how much he changed. Jerry said it's so exciting to be up there. He said Ronnie was there at 6:30 in the morning and he felt so safe in the elevator with him. He said it's so exciting to be up there as a fan.
Jon said that Jerry says hi to everyone when he comes up there. Jerry said he knows that some people don't listen to the show and come up. He said that's fine but the stars of the show aren't in the studio. He said he wanted to see Jason in his sport coat and all of that. He said it's exciting to be up there.
Gary said Jerry walked into Scott's studio and he saw that Shuli's plug was hanging there. He wanted to read it so that's what they'll be playing this week in the plugs.
Jerry said he spoke to Will a couple of days before the show. He said that Will isn't Howard in the interviewing skills but that's expected. Jerry said he knows that you have to talk about having sex and how you have sex and what positions you're doing. He said some guests step it up. He said Bradley Cooper steps it up and talks very privately. He said there are some that you just want to get out of there.
Jerry said he wanted to bring up the topic of the show not being on as much as it used to be. He said he wanted to get a little more in depth about that. Gary said Howard made the point that he's working the same number of days. Jerry asked if Howard is doing things differently because of the lawsuit. Gary said Howard wanted to do more time there but on his own terms. Jerry said he's given up Thursdays and Fridays but he's wondering why they don't do the back office radio show. He said he loves live radio and he wants to hear them on the air. Gary said they're redoing stuff and reevaluating the shows they have on. Jerry said they should do a live Best of the Week or something. Gary said they might do that. Gary said they're putting a lot more work into the live shows right now.
Jerry said the guests have been incredible lately. Jerry said he knows he's not alone with this whole thing. He said that he just wonders what the fuck is going on during the summer. He said that it's like pulling up to Starbucks and it's closed. He said then you have to go to a deli where they have coffee that's like they dropped a Sharpie in the water.
Jon asked Jerry what he's going to do when Howard retires and there is no more show. Jerry said he'll have to listen to something else. He said he hopes the rest of them stay with the company. Gary said he's not sure if that would happen or not. Jerry said he can't imagine they'd let everyone go. Gary said he can. He said Howard is the star and they may not need the rest of them.
Jerry said that he imagines a time when Ronnie is talking about cars for 6 hours. He said that's a joke of course. He said he doesn't want the band to break up. Jerry said he hopes everyone is around.
Benjy asked how much he listens. Jerry said he listens in the car. He said that it's Howard and it's blue. He said there are racial things said so you have to make sure your windows are up.
Benjy asked if Jerry will get any crap for admitting he jerks off at work. Jerry said he doesn't know. He said he may get some jokes. Ronnie said he may get shit from his wife. Jerry said that it'll be fine.
Gary asked if he had any discussions with Rebecca. Jerry said she told him to just say what he wants. He said she's great that way. They went to break a short time later.
Benjy asked Jerry if he could go back 6 years and change it. Jerry said no way. He said he would have the kids. He told Benjy to hold off for a very long time. Benjy said he thinks he'd be a great dad. Jerry said he has a catch with Elisa. He said that he's moved up in the world. Benjy said he'd name his first kid Jerry O'Connell Romijn Stamos.
Jon asked Jerry about the porn stories he was telling. Ronnie said that he's a man after his own heart. Jerry said he hasn't been able to make his wife squirt yet. He has to talk to Ronnie about that after the show. Jerry said he could listen to Ronnie talk about that for hours. Ronnie said this guy is so down to earth and he's such a fan. He said he could be on the show every day and hang out. He could be one of the guys. Jerry said he'd think about that but it might be a big pay cut. He said he'd be on time every day unlike Benjy.
Gary asked Jerry how he'd do if he was in Superfan Trivia. Jerry said he's a big satellite guy. He didn't get into the show until it was on satellite. He said it was something different. Jerry said it's impossible to listen to other radio shows now.
Jon asked Jerry if he's adjusted to watching just one football game a week. Jerry said that he has. He said that the Sunday night games are usually very good.
Jon asked Jerry who he thinks has changed the most there at the show. Jerry said he thinks that JD has come out of his shell. He said he was really awkward and now he's just mildly awkward. He said he thinks that he's most proud of JD. He said Benjy never had a problem coming out of his shell. He said if you want to see something great just go watch Benjy do his Footloose speech.
Jon took a call from Sour Shoes who was singing and not listening to what Jon was asking. Jon hung up on him and took a call from King of All Blacks. King said he really doesn't appreciate what Gary said. He said that's an insult. He said he didn't make Howard and Beth have an argument. Gary said he did too. King said that's what Gary should have done and he just had to do it for him. Gary said that's not even what they're talking about.
Gary said that he hates King's opinion on the show now. Gary said Howard isn't that fond of him either. King said Howard will take his calls no matter what. He said he knows Howard more than they do. Ronnie said he's such an asshole. Gary said he's seen guys like him come and go. He said that he thinks he knows Howard better than him but he doesn't know Howard at all. King said he's right. He said he doesn't know him at all.
King said that the bottom line is that he called up to tell Howard that it would have been nice if they had gone somewhere nice to get JD a suit. He said they could have gone to Neiman Marcus. Gary said he gets some of his suits at Macy's. King said they have to be kidding. Gary said if it wasn't for King's dad he'd be lucky to be shopping at Macy's. He said he'd be shopping at Penny's. King said that Macy's is good for socks, juicers and waffle irons.
Gary said that King is telling people how they should spend their money when he wouldn't be living the life he has if he wasn't handed money. King said that's ridiculous. Ronnie asked why everything has to be a big name with him. He said he knows people like him and it's ridiculous.
Benjy asked King why they have to buy the best. King asked why Howard doesn't to go Macy's. King said Howard wants the best, that's why. Gary asked what kind of car King has. King said he's in between cars. He said he had a 2013 Jeep Sahara Unlimited. Benjy said there's always a better car out there. Gary asked why he's driving a jeep and not a Lexus. Jon said they lost King. Jerry said he does seem a bit materialistic.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jerry is one of those fans. He said he saw him on Kelly and Michael and the next thing he knows he's back up there.
Jerry said that the guys in the studio seem to be on their best behavior when they're in the studio. He said he likes the Wrap Up Show because they're a little more out of control.
Gary asked Jerry if he knows the peripheral characters on the show. Jerry said he doesn't know faces because he has DirecTV and doesn't have Howard TV. He said sometimes he'll go to the web site to look at pictures though. He said that's not a good thing to do while driving.
Jon asked Jerry if he thinks that his show is going to stick. Jerry said that you hope for the best but you never know. He said it's a nerve wracking time for him.
Gary said that he and Jon did an appearance with Kal Penn and they asked him to put a dress on. He said he turned it down but Jason did it and handed out White Castle burgers. He said Kal is a really nice guy too.
Jerry said that he did something for CBS and Robin Thicke was doing an appearance with him. He said this was after he had been on Howard's show. Jerry said that it was probably right after it. He said he had nothing in common with the guy but he sat down and talked about doing Howard's show for a while. He said that brings people together. He said he'll be at the Post Office and hear a ''Baba Booey'' and he'll turn around and have a half hour discussion about the show only being on 2 days a week.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that Macy's is not high end clothes. Ralph said he'd love to live in the building where Jerry's TV show takes place. Jerry asked if they're going to be talking spoilers on their Breaking Bad special tonight. Jon said they will. Jon said that he gives it 24 hours before he'll start talking about it. Ralph said you can't just start blurting stuff out.
Gary said that they made a pact last week where they all agreed to watch it live or fuck you. He said they're being nice to Will who didn't watch it live.
Shuli said that Ralph has taken back his apology to Gary and he thinks that he wasn't being a dick. Gary said he was taking pictures and Ralph was shaking him. Ralph said Gary was recording and that's illegal. Shuli said Ralph was calling him Baba Bootleg after that.
Jon asked if Howard has ever been at a good weight. Gary said he thinks that he's good where he is right now. He said that he's lighter than he is and he's like 8 inches taller. Jon said he seems like he's always frustrated by it.
Jason came in and told the guys that he had to wear a purple thong at that White Castle thing. He said the pictures actually made the newspapers. He said he took the elevator ride with Kal Penn. He said it was awkward. Jason said he didn't even get any burgers that day. Jon wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how exciting this day was going to be. He said there is no government today. He said they can say whatever they want. He said if they were on terrestrial radio he'd be saying cunt and shit. He said he's free today. Robin said they were covering it on Howard 100 news yesterday. She said that Elephant Boy is not working today because he's considered non-essential. Howard said that's why Howard 100 News is so great.
Howard said Howard 100 News brought attention to JD about how he wears 2 pair of socks with his shoes. Howard said they asked JD why he does that and he said it's because the shoes rub against his feet. JD said he got a 9.5 shoe but then he moved to a 9 and it fit okay. He said his shoes were digging into his heal so he got something different. Howard said he needs to find the right size shoes. Howard said he wears these John Varvatos boots that fit him perfectly. He said he could walk like 20 miles in them. He said if you have the right size shoes you should be able to do the same.
Howard said he's teaching JD this stuff because he's not sure how he grew up. Howard said when 3 guys buy you suits, ties and shirts you go up to them and say thank you. JD said he did. He said he's been trying to think of something to actually thank them. Howard told him to write them a note. Howard told him not an email. He said he checked up on him and Jon was saying that he didn't thank them. JD said he's not the best at manners or whatever. JD said he will do it privately but he's going to say thank you on the air too. JD said that it's one of the ''most nicest things''. Howard stopped him there and goofed on him about that. Howard said he knows that Jon and Gary didn't get a thank you.
Ronnie came in and said he got a big thank you from JD. Howard said he didn't mean to embarrass him. He said there are a couple of things about his spoon collection. JD said he's getting spoons every day now. Howard said Wolfie went to a spoon convention.
Howard said JD is going to be doing a spoon collection show on Howard 101. Howard played a fake promo they made for that. Howard asked if he would do a spoon show. JD said he doesn't know anything about them so he won't do that.
Howard played some of Wolfie's interviews from the Spoon convention. He asked a guy what he would suggest to JD. The guy told him to show off his spoons and no one would laugh at him. Howard said that most of the people there were old ladies. He also heard that there were only about 40 people there. Howard said this guy was saying that he should be proud to be a spoon lover. Howard played more of the clip and the guy was saying that JD should come to the convention and show off his spoons. Howard said these are his people. JD said that they are not. The guy said that he had seen a ''coon spoon'' which was one of the strangest ones he had seen.
Howard played another clip of a guy talking about one of JD's spoons and what he'd value it at. The guy said it's probably worth about $5. Howard said maybe his spoons are worth more now than they were. JD said he doesn't value them. The spoon they were talking about was the Apple Barn spoon.
Howard played another interview of a woman being asked about the spoon collecting hobby. Wolfie was asking what she would suggest to him. She said that he should attend the conventions and he'll learn a lot. Wolfie asked one person who the most famous spoon collector is. The guy said that it was Whoopi Goldberg. He said she used to collect but he's not sure if she still does. Howard said Whoopi will be there in 2 weeks so JD can ask her about that then. JD said he won't. He said he's not keeping spoons. He said he had to throw some away.
Howard said JD is so anti-spoon that he's made a Peace and Love announcement like Ringo Starr. Howard played that clip and got some laughs out of that. Howard wondered what Ringo was doing that he was too busy to sign autographs.
Howard played a clip of JD playing spoons to his theme music. He had a song parody about JD he played after that. Howard said that was Daniel Mendelson. Howard Little Mikey is still writing song parodies about him but not about the spoons. He played a parody that Mikey sang about how fat he's getting. JD said that he doesn't eat pie so he's wrong about that in the song. Howard played another one from Mikey where he sang about JD's weight from eating cupcakes. JD said he doesn't eat half a dozen cupcakes. He said he eats maybe one at the most. He said he doesn't even eat two. Howard said those things are like a meal.
Howard said if JD learned how to play the spoons he could go to that convention. JD said he's not learning to play the spoons. JD said they have spoons there that are valuable and they don't play them.
Howard asked JD if he's wearing two pair of socks or one tonight when he goes out with Beth. JD went back and forth in his head and didn't really say anything. That led to Fred doing his impression of JD and Howard played the song parody from Daniel Mendelson again.
Howard said that most adults know the size of their shoes. JD said he has a 9.5 and they fit fine. Howard said they look good. He said they look like what Gilligan from Gilligan's island wore. Howard told him to have fun at the movie premiere tonight.
Howard asked Benjy if he's friendly with JD at all. Benjy said they're work friendly. He said they don't hang out when they're not at work. Howard said Benjy is good at getting pussy and he's not John Stamos. Howard said he might be interesting to hang out with. Benjy said JD doesn't have a problem getting girls. Howard said he can't understand why girls don't flock to him. Benjy said he's a handsome guy. Howard said his belly is big. JD said they don't need to get into that.
Benjy asked if JD thinks he has a problem getting girls. JD said he doesn't go out in person much. He said he's got something going on but he wasn't really saying what. JD said he doesn't know when Benjy is being Benjy or not. He said he loves him though.
Howard said that JD is a spooner. Robin said they need a report from Beth about JD. Howard said she's coming in next week so they can ask her about it then. Howard said that they might need to do it while it's fresh in her mind though.
Howard said he was reading about the woman who plays Skylar had health problems and that's why her weight was going up and down during the different seasons.
Howard said that JD is going out with Beth tonight. He said he paid JD money to go out with her. Howard said that she's going to appreciate him so much. Howard said she complains about him not communicating much but after going out with JD she'll think that he's a great communicator. Howard said that she'll be fascinated with him after being with JD.
Howard said David Arquette is coming in tomorrow. Howard said he hopes that's not too uncomfortable for her. Robin said she'll be fine.
Howard said Graham Nash is coming in today. He said that they're going to talk music and Graham is going to play. Howard said Chris Mad Dog Russo is coming in to talk sports too. Howard said he knows nothing about sports himself.
Howard said that Janet Jackson is adopting a black baby. Howard said she's finally the Jackson who has become a white person. Howard said she's adopting a black baby. Howard said that's what Michael should have done. Howard said that's a beautiful thing.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked if Robin is doing any kind of book signing tour. Robin said she's doing one in Manhattan and one in New Jersey but not Philly.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Jerry and Mark the Bagger were great yesterday. He also told Robin that he's glad she's doing okay. The caller asked if he has any games to play. Howard said he does not.
Howard said he was up at 2 in the morning and he was so bummed out. He said he watched JJ Abrams being interviewed by Tavis Smiley. He said it was a good interview. Howard said he thought he was watching BET but Robin told him it was PBS.
Howard said High Pitch Eric must do nothing all day. He said he spends all day trying to get on TV. He said he made it on TV once again. Howard played a clip of a news reporter out on the street and Eric was in the background saying hi to the reporter and the reporter acknowledging him. Howard did his impression of Eric and said he was so annoying at America's Got Talent. Howard said he was yelling out to him constantly. He said he'd yell out for Heidi and you could hear him during the whole show. Howard said he'd ask her to turn around and look at Eric to shut him up. Howard said he had to explain to her who it was. He said it was so annoying.
Howard said if Heidi didn't acknowledge her then he'd yell for Mel B. Howard said it's so important for him to be acknowledged. Howard played some audio of him yelling out at AGT.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel's aunt was on a TV show and she said ''shit'' and she doesn't know the rules. Howard said they end the interview right away even though they know that she's not going to say it again. Howard played the clip and his aunt was talking about how she ''doesn't go for that shit'' talking about something. They cut her off and ended the interview. Howard said that's Aunt Chippy. Howard said she was on KTLA when she did that. Howard said they just end the interview immediately.
Howard had an audio clip of a woman going to a Tuskegee Airmen tribute and she wasn't able to say the word Tuskegee. Howard played the clip and the woman was talking about how important these men were and tried to say ''Tuskegee'' but had some trouble with it. Howard said that woman is a governor. He said she didn't even have to say Tuskegee. He said she could have just said ''these men'' if she wanted to avoid Tuskegee. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard came back and said that Graham Nash is there. Howard said he's from Crosby Stills and Nash. Howard said he was also in the Hollies and he's been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Howard and Graham talked about getting older and how hard it is to keep the weight off. Graham said that it's not for the weak getting older.
Howard said that Graham wrote a book and he must look at the old pictures and wonder what happened to that person. Graham said it is tough. Howard said that David Crosby must be like that too. Graham said that he's doing great with his singing voice.
Howard asked Graham about some of his songs and played one of The Hollies songs and asked how that came about. Graham said that he brought them Marrakesh Express and they didn't want to do it. He brought that with him to Crosby Stills and Nash and they had a big hit with it. Graham said that The Hollies were content with what they were doing and they didn't want to go in a different direction.
Howard asked Graham about how he became good friends with Mama Cass. Graham said that she was a very loving woman. He said that she had a crush on one of the guys from the Mamas and Papas. Graham said he made her cry once by saying that John Lennon would probably put her down at first but eventually he'd bring her into the circle. He said she couldn't handle that.
Howard asked if he fell in love with Joni Mitchell as soon as he met her. Graham said he did. Howard asked what it was like hanging out with people like that and if they helped him learn how to write songs. He said they absolutely did.
Howard said he thinks that Stephen Stills is a great guitar player. He said Joni Mitchell wrote the song Woodstock but she didn't get to go to Woodstock. Graham said that Joni let them turn that song into what it became. Howard said that Stephen Stills took the song and made it into what they know. Howard said he thinks that they turned it into one of the best songs ever. Howard played some of the song. Howard said it still holds up today. Graham agreed.
Graham told Howard about working with Peter Tork so Howard asked if he was a great musician. Graham said that they had great parties there. He said that they had a kid playing piano there and he wanted to hear that. It turns out it was Stephen Stills playing piano there at Peter's house. He said that Stephen had just broken up with Buffalo Springfield.
Graham said that they were having dinner and Stephen performed ''You Don't Have To Cry'' and he asked him to sing it one more time. He said he had his harmony down and ended up singing with them. He said that their harmony was born in 40 seconds that night.
Graham told Howard about how good they were getting and how they were trying to get on Apple records. He said that they didn't like what they did. He said George Harrison and Peter Asher heard them perform right in front of them and they didn't want to sign them. Howard asked what Harrison said to them. Graham said that they came to them a couple days later and said they were going to pass. He said that they did the same thing for Simon and Garfunkel and they did the same thing. Howard said they performed the whole album live in front of them and they didn't get it. Howard said maybe they're not that good. Graham said that maybe it was competition to them. Howard said that's crazy. Graham said they really didn't know what was going on.
Howard asked who finally did get them. Graham said it was Ahmet Ertegun. He said that he was the one who believed in them. Howard said he believed in the commercial power. Graham said that he was the one who said that Neil should play with them.
Howard asked if Neil was in and out because he was clashing with Stephen so much. Graham said that they did need another player to play what Stephen couldn't play when they were performing live. He said that they get along and love each other to death and it was great for the band.
Howard said Young would come and go and the band didn't mean as much to him as the rest of the guys. Graham said that he had to concentrate on himself. Howard said that he loves the collaboration of the four of them. Howard asked how he said he was leaving the band. Graham said that he never said. He said that he played at Woodstock and he told every camera man not to shoot him or they'd be dead. He was actually there. He's just not in the film.
Howard said that Leslie West told them that they weren't going to play for the cameras without more money. They were left out of the film.
Graham said that he has a 3 CD set of Crosby Stills and Nash that they're reworking. He said that they have better harmonies. He said that Neil Young is a great musician too. He said that it didn't break his heart when he left.
Howard said that Graham's new book is called ''Wild Tales: A Rock & Roll Life Hardcover'' and you can go to GrahamNash.com for more information.
Howard asked Graham if he could have written his songs without drugs. Graham said they could have. IT was just where they were at the time. He said that they were full of piss and vinegar.
Howard said he loves the song Chicago. He said he didn't know who he was writing the song for when he sings ''Just come to Chicago.'' Graham said that he was singing to Neil and Stephen. Graham said that he and David had the time off to do this show there and the other two didn't. Howard said he has to play the song. Graham asked what time it is. Howard said he knows it's early. Robin told him that it's 11 o'clock at night. Graham thanked her for that.
Howard asked Graham about what happened to his father. Graham said that he was a photographer and he got him into photography. Graham said his dad had bought this camera and the police showed up at their door. It turns out the camera was stolen and he refused to tell the police where he got it. Graham said he went to jail for a year and he died at the age of 46. Howard asked what he died from. Graham said he had something wrong with his liver. He said he went to the hospital to find him and he had turned orange. He said he knew something was wrong with his liver.
Howard had Graham perform ''Chicago'' for them. Graham played an acoustic version of the song. After the song Howard said he loves that song. He said it's beautiful. Howard said that song alone would be enough for what he was trying to do in Chicago. Howard said he remembers that bands were so much more important when he was growing up. Graham said that they're controlled by the media now. He said they want them to be sheep and lie down now. He said that they can't play a protest song on the air anymore.
Graham said that they wanted to change the planet but it takes so much energy and so long to do it that it just took a very long time.
Howard said Graham loves the song Ohio but he didn't write it. Graham said that Neil wrote that. He said that he got a call from Crosby telling him to get everyone together to record a song. He said that Neil wrote the song and Crosby told him how it call came about. He said that Neil saw this picture from the Kent State shootings and he went out with his guitar and came up with the song in about an hour. Howard said Crosby thought the song was so important that they recorded it and put it out immediately. Graham said they did the song in about an hour and a half and they put it out. Howard asked Graham to perform that song for them. Graham had to tune his guitar for a second and then went right into the song.
After the song Howard said that is one powerful song. Howard asked how Neil came out and presented it to them. Graham said he did it just like that. He said he came out with the guitar and performed it for them. Howard asked how the recording goes and if Neil decided how it was going to sound or did they do it democratically. Graham said it was democratic. He said they all work together on it.
Howard asked if they ever say that their ideas are stupid. Graham said they're very tender with each other. He said they all love each other and they realize that the music is the most important thing.
Howard asked why he didn't marry Joni Mitchell. Graham said he was with her for 2 years. He said it was a great love affair. He said she was the love of his life at that time. Howard asked why he didn't marry her. Graham said he had just gotten divorced from his first wife and it was a bitter thing. He said his love had failed with his wife. He said that he did marry young and it was just one of those things. He said that they were totally in love and they did discuss marriage.
Graham said that Joni thought that he might want her to give up her career to marry him but that was the furthest thing from his mind. He said she was such a beautiful woman. He said he'd never ask her to give that up. Howard asked if he's still friends with her. Graham said he is. He said that he's probably one of the only men in her life that she still likes.
Howard said David Crosby would share women with him. He said that's kind of odd. Howard said David had already been with Joni and he introduced them. Howard said that David had a horrible thing happen to a woman he was seeing. Graham said that she was taking her cats to the vet and one of the cats jumped in her lap and scratched her and she ran into a bus and died instantly. Howard said he heard that David shared her with Graham too. Graham said that was what David did. Robin asked if he shared too. Graham said that wasn't his thing. Howard said he's not sure if that's a healthy thing or a mental illness.
Howard said he read that David met this girl when she was just 14. Graham said he wasn't sleeping with her at that age. He said she was the head of his fan club and he didn't date her until later.
Howard asked Graham about a photograph that he had of this person holding a hand grenade. David said he sold his photo collection and he wanted to get into this digital thing. He said that he had a photo that someone had taken of a boy with a plastic hand grenade in his hand. He had that picture next to another one that was of the man who did blow up the world. He said that's where ''Teach Your Children'' came from. Howard asked him to play a little bit of that song. Graham played a bit of that song for him.
After the song Howard asked if it's surreal when that song comes out of your head. Graham said that the first time he did it the song came out very Henry the VIII. He said that he was told to never perform it like that again.
Graham told Howard about how he and Joni were out to breakfast one morning and she saw something she wanted at an antique store. He said she bought this thing and he brought it home. He told her to put flowers in the vase and he said he'd light the fire. He said he realized he had lyrics to a song as he was saying that. He said it took him an hour and a half to write this song ''Our House.'' He played a tiny bit of that song.
Howard said that they covered The Beatles ''Blackbird'' which was about black people and the civil rights movement. Howard said Paul McCartney wrote the song and they cover it in concert a lot. Howard asked him to sing a little bit of that. Graham sang a little bit of the song for Howard.
Howard said he loves ''Right Between the Eyes'' because it reminds him of his grandfather. Howard said he used to tell him to look a man right between the eyes and that's why the song reminds him of him. Graham went into the song as Howard was telling him about that. Howard said he's going to make him cry.
Howard said he wants to go to bed with him after that song. Graham said it finally comes out that Howard Stern is gay. Howard asked if he was sleeping with a woman who was a friend's wife and that was a confession. Graham said that's the story. He said they had a break up and he loved this woman. He said he had a short affair with her and he felt a little guilty. He said that she was still with the guy. He said that was his confessional song. Howard asked if he told the guy. Graham said he didn't. He said he doesn't want to bring pain to anyone. He said that he even wrote about the pain he could bring to the guy in the song. He sang that part to Howard. Graham said that some women had done that to him as well. Howard said he had that happen to him too. Graham said that he got into rock and roll to get laid so that's what it's all about.
Howard asked how his marriage is doing. Graham said it's phenomenal. He said he's been married for 37 years now.
Howard asked Graham about how drugs almost destroyed the band. Graham said that he would have lost it if something had happened to Crosby. He said he felt kind of guilty about the whole thing. He said they knew that music was the thing Crosby loved but the more music they made, the more money they made and that meant the better drugs he could get. He said it was tough.
Howard asked Graham about Jimi Hendrix and Graham told him about the first time he saw him on a Soupy Sales show in the 1960s. Graham said that Eric Clapton and Pete Townshend told them about how special this kid was. Howard said he heard that Clapton wanted to put down his guitar after seeing Hendrix.
Howard said he heard that Jimi played all of the instruments on their album. Graham said that's what he heard too. He said he got to hang out with Mitch and Jimi. He said that no one could beat Jimi at the board game Risk. He said he'd get high and no one could beat him.
Howard asked where Graham was when John Lennon was killed. Graham said that he was watching a football game when Howard Cossell came on and said that he had been shot. He said that he met John in 1959 so he knew him for a long time. He said they met at a talent show. He said that he and Alan Clark won the contest. He said they had a bunch of people who went on to become huge stars on the bill. Howard asked how he knew where to go after that. Graham said that there was nothing else to do at that age. He said he has never been nervous on stage. Howard asked when he knew he wanted to be a musician. Graham said it was at 13. He said that he saw early American rock and roll and that's what he wanted to do.
Howard asked about John Lennon again and Graham said that he thought about how many great songs were in his mind and George Harrison's mind that they'll never get to hear. He said he thinks the same thing about Jimi Hendrix. Howard said he wonders about what he would have done with his career. Graham said he thinks he would have been one of the great rock acts. Howard asked if he was doing way too much when it came to drugs. Graham said that his main thing was acid. He said he tripped with him a few times. He said they went to see a show once and the spotlight hit them. He said that it's been a wild life.
Howard asked if he thinks that Brian Jones was murdered. Graham said he does. Howard said he was in the Rolling Stones. Graham said it was his band. He said Brian was the one that got them into the blues and all of that. Graham said that Brian didn't like the way the band was becoming a spectacle. He said the rumor is that one of the workers at his home may have gotten upset with him for not paying them enough and he was drowned in his pool.
Howard said Graham is unbelievable. He said he loves him. Graham thanked him for that. Howard thanked him for all of the great listening. Howard said he was listening to their stuff this weekend. He said he's proud to say he knows him. Robin asked what he thinks of music today. Howard said it's not the same. Graham said it's not. He said it's taken on a new form. He said it's based on how good you can dance and how far you can stick your tongue out.
Howard asked how they came up with the order of Crosby Stills and Nash. Graham said it rolls off the tongue easy and he came up with the order himself.
Howard gave Graham a few plugs for the new book ''Wild Tales: A Rock & Roll Life Hardcover'' and the CD set he's working on. Howard said he'd like to give a big fuck you to the guys who turned them down in the early days. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and took a call from Jeff the Drunk. Jeff said that interview was fan-fucking-tastic. He said it was so gorgeous. Howard said he wanted to get to more but he ran out of time. Howard said wanted to ask about how they write songs and how they figure out whose songs are going to make it on. Howard said it must be tough. He said they have so many great song writers in the band.
Howard said he's going to go talk to Mad Dog now. Howard said that Chris ''Mad Dog'' Russo is there. Howard said that he's on Mad Dog Unleashed on SiriusXM channel 86. Howard refused to shake his hand when he stuck it out. Howard said he shakes hands too hard.
Howard and Chris talked about Graham Nash for a second. Howard said that Chris is a big Springsteen fan. Chris said he is. He said that he loves to go to his shows. Howard asked Chris if he plays golf. Chris said he does. He said you don't have to be a good athlete to play golf but he has to take lessons.
Howard asked Chris what's going on with his channel. Chris said that he's not programming it anymore. He said it's very hard. Chris said it's hard to be a boss and you have to placate a lot of folks. He said that's not his make up anyway. He said he thinks that they have established the channel though. Howard asked who is programming the channel. Chris said they didn't bring in anyone. He said they used Steve Torre.
Howard asked why he cut his show down to 3 hours. Chris said it's tough when you do 5 and don't have as many commercials. Chris said he did it for 5 years with 5 hours. He said he thought they'd cut it down to 4 but they suggested 3. Chris said that they don't pay the same when they cut you back. He said that Howard must know that.
Howard said Chris came in and had a 5 year deal. Now he's changed things. Chris said that he had to take a bit of a pay cut. He said it wasn't a blow to his ego. He said he's 52 years old now and he's okay with this. He said that they gave him as many years as he wanted guaranteed. He said they put the baseball games on his channel and that's kind of away from sports talk. He said they cut some shows out to move some shows around. He said that it's too soon to tell if it's working. Howard said he's not in charge anymore though. He said he can criticize what they're doing.
Howard asked Chris what's going on with the MLB. Chris said in March he's going to do a show on TV, that will be simulcast on Sirius, on the MLB network. Howard asked what he's going to wear. He asked if he was going to wear what he's wearing now. Chris said he will. Howard said he's going to have to give some thought to it. Chris said he's going to cut his hair a little bit. Howard said he was going to say something about that.
Howard asked Chris what he's going to do about his visual presentation. Chris said he knows he uses his hands but he hopes that they don't try to change that. Chris said he's going to have a sidekick on the show. Howard asked if he wants that. Chris said he doesn't mind that. He said he had possibilities to go other places with a sidekick but he had that with Mike so he's not going to do that again. Howard said Mike fell asleep on the air recently. Chris said that you have to admit that you did it. He said that Mike didn't admit it. Howard asked if he was anxious to see that tape. Chris said that it didn't totally shock him. He said he should have just said he fell asleep and it would have been fine. Howard said he should have just admitted it. He's right. Howard asked Chris if he ever saw that in the past. Chris said if he was having an issue they would move the cameras.
Chris changed subjects and brought up the MLB network thing. Howard asked if he's getting more money. Chris said that he is getting good money for that. He said that he is going to do his show from 3-6 and the TV show 1-2 five days a week. Howard asked if he's going to burn out. Chris said he has a 2 year guarantee. He said that they made up the difference for what he's not getting paid there. Chris said that he was getting 3.2 million there. He was cut back. Howard figured it was about 1.5 million. Chris said it was a little more than that. Chris said that the MLB thing makes up for what they cut him back for.
Chris said his father died in August. He said he died of lung cancer and never smoked a day in his life. He said that he was 82 years old. He said he died 13 days after he was diagnosed. Chris said he went to get his back checked out and they told him he had arthritis. He said they went back 3 weeks later and they found a tumor in his lung. He said they didn't see the tumor 4 weeks earlier. Chris said they found a tumor on his back. He said that his birthday was on the 18th and his anniversary was on the 19th. He said he went out on the 16th to visit and his dad knew he was there. He said he died 3 days after they took him out of the hospital. He said it was very tough. He said he and his mother were there with him when he died. Chris said it was tough to see his mother saying goodbye to him. He said his 57th anniversary was 3 days earlier.
Howard asked what you say to someone when they're going like that. Chris said it was very tricky. He said he cried. He said it hit him like a ton of bricks. He said that moment was about them and their 57 years together. He said he came along later and that moment was about them. Howard asked if they both get up and leave the room. Chris said that his mother stayed in there. Chris said he missed about 3 weeks of work. Howard asked if Sirius was good about that. Chris said they let him do what he wanted. He said they didn't take away salary. Howard said he advised them to do that. Howard said he heard they were going to change the name of his channel if he was out another week. Howard said he wasn't kidding about that.
Chris asked what's going on with America's Got Talent. Howard said it takes up a lot of his time. He said it starts in February too. Howard said he has to use his vacation time for that. Howard said they have live shows in the summer.
Howard asked Chris if he has the internet yet. Chris said he doesn't but his wife uses it. Howard said it's so much fun. Chris said he doesn't get wrapped up in that stuff. Robin said it's about communicating with it. Chris said he knows. Chris asked Howard if he's going to do a third year at AGT. Howard said he's not sure yet. Chris said the question is if he should make the commitment from February to July. Howard said it's through September, not July.
Howard said if he does another season Beth is fine with it. Chris said if they're going to pay him... Howard cut him off and said he's not looking for advice. Chris laughed.
Chris said he saw Howard on David Letterman and he was great. He was on the whole hour. Howard said he goes once in a while. He said it's just too much. Howard said on Thursday he's going to do Jerry Seinfeld's show ''Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.'' Robin said he didn't tell them that. Howard said he's having a conversation with him. Howard said the show will be on the internet. Howard said Jerry asked him to do it and Jerry did his show so he's going to do his show.
Chris said he heard about James Caan being in there and killing Harrison Ford. Howard asked if he heard the Mark the Bagger interview. Chris said he did. He said that he can't believe his guy (JD) is going to the movie premiere with Beth and not watching the Reds play tonight. Chris was yelling at him for not going to the game. JD said the game doesn't start until 8 and he'll catch some of the game. Chris continued to yell at JD about how he's not a real Reds fan if he doesn't stay home and watch the game. Howard said this is a one shot deal for JD. He said JD wants to see the movie before anyone else.
Howard asked Chris about being a Giants fan. Chris said they've had a terrible year. He said he bet the Giants for overall wins. He said he bet 10 grand on them. Howard asked what his wife thinks. Chris said she doesn't know about it. He said they're 0-4 and they're not going to get to the wins he needs to win. Howard asked how he bets. Chris said there's off shore stuff that he can use to gamble. Howard said that they could have so much income if they let people gamble legally. Chris said that Chris Christie is all for that. He said he's friends with him but he didn't hear from him after the whole Pernetti thing went down at Rutgers. He said that he thought he was close to the guy but he hasn't called in months.
Howard asked why the Yankees aren't in the playoffs. Chris said he never gets it right when it comes to betting. He said that he thinks that A-Rod may never wear a Yankee uniform ever again. He said he thinks that they may get out of that contract with him. Howard said there are a lot of guys taking steroids and they try to get out of paying these guys toward the end of their careers so they don't have to pay. Chris said that A-Rod is a train wreck. He said he used to have him on at WFAN all the time but he hasn't spoken to him in about 5-6 years. Chris said that Derek Jeter isn't a great interview. He said it's tough getting anything out of him. He said A-Rod is a better interview. He said Jeter has too many people talking to him.
Howard asked Chris to talk about the Patriots and Aaron Hernandez. Chris talked about what's going on with him. Chris was going off on the guy and wondering why they didn't know this guy was a bad seed. Chris said that stuff drives him nuts. Howard said they have to say that all of that stuff is alleged. Chris said that in a court of law they have to say that. He said that he and Howard don't.
Chris said Bob Kraft said that he was duped but he wonders how he can say that. He said he has to take some of the hits for that situation. Howard told him to calm down or his head will explode.
Chris asked Howard if he has more pep working just 3 days a week. Howard said he does a 5 hour show. Chris asked if he's back to the full 3 days for 6 months. Howard said he is done until February if he goes back.
Howard took a call from Mad Dog Russo (Sour Shoes) who was doing both Chris and the Mike impression. Howard let him do that for about 30 seconds before he hung up and moved on.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Tony Romo is a next level quarterback. Chris said he is not in his opinion. Howard said he doesn't watch any of this stuff. Chris said he sees why women love him. Chris said he watches sports all day Saturday. Howard asked if he spends any time with the kids. Chris said he does. He said that he has an 8 year old but he's not sure what grade he's in.
Howard gave Chris some plugs and then took a call. The caller said that Mad Dog radio is like a soap opera. He told Howard about what goes on over there. He asked Chris what he thinks about this guy Dino Costa who left the show. Chris said he's a train wreck. He said he shows up late and he goes off on a beaten path. He said he's a good talk show host though. He said that he hates Obama and he thinks 9/11 didn't happen. Chris said they moved Dino off to another channel because he was a little too wacky. He said that Dino is doing mornings now. Chris said the guy gets in his own way. He said he is a good host though.
Howard and Chris talked about how tough it is to get up so early in the morning. Howard said he's a man of the people. Chris said he really is. He told Howard that he can make a sanitation collector sound interesting. Robin said they do that all the time.
Chris said he's glad that they're all healthy there. Howard said he heard that Chris bet 10 grand that Robin wouldn't last this long. Chris said Howard looks well. Howard asked why he's yelling at him. Chris said he has pep today.
Howard asked when Chris was on Letterman last. Chris said he was on recently. He said Dave is great to him. He said that he got blown off a couple of times and ever since then Dave gives him the second guest of the night and he gets 2 segments. He said that's pretty good. Chris said he puts him on twice a year and he's been on since 1990.
Howard asked if he wants him to tell Jerry Seinfeld anything. Chris told him to tell him that the Mets are on their way. He said they're going to get there some day. Chris said he didn't like what they did with the manager. He said that they gave him $2 million for 2 years. He said they should be giving him like $1.5 million a year at least.
Chris told Howard to read this book about Woodrow Wilson. Howard said he doesn't read. He said he won't listen to books on tape either. Howard gave Chris more plugs and started to wrap up. Chris asked how his buddy is over at AGT. Howard said he likes Nick Cannon. He likes Howie too. Howard said they get along over there.
Howard told Chris that he has to wrap his penis in toilet paper to stop the dribbling. Chris said he had never thought of that. He said that's a good idea. Howard said he's using those pads that Tony Siragusa plugs. Chris asked if he ever comes on the show. Howard said he's not sure. He asked Gary. Gary said he has been on the show.
Howard asked Chris what he's benching these days. Chris said he can bench 155. He said that he didn't start lifting until the past 3-4 years. He said he does the whole thing with his trainer. He said he can do 100 good push-ups. Howard said he wanted to see him do 25. Chris took off his shirt and did his 25 push-ups. Chris said he does perfect push-ups. Howard counted them out. Chris did all 25. Gary said he touched every time. Howard said that's not bad. Chris asked if he's impressed with that. Howard said he is.
Howard asked how many pull-ups he can do. Chris said he can do about 12. Howard said that's pretty good. Howard asked if he goes to church. Chris said he does. Howard said he likes the new pope. He said he's lightening up on the gays and he might let some women work in the church.
Chris told Howard that he did a eulogy for his father in church. He said that he looked up what the Yankees did the day his father was born. He told Howard what he said about them doing that day. Chris said that same day his dad was born. He said he was a huge Yankee fan. He said that they were a central theme in his father's life.
Chris said his dad had an older sister that he didn't talk to after 1963. He said she has 4 kids. Chris said he called the oldest cousin that he hadn't spoken to in 50 years. He said that a bunch of the family showed up but not his sister. She's 86 years old. Chris said that his dad had one regret in his life and that was not having a relationship with his nieces and nephews. Howard asked why he didn't make up with his sister. Chris said they had issues.
Howard said Chris is a good guy. He said he looked better with his shirt off than he thought he would. Howard said he has to calm down now and end this. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said he read that a Three Stooges short was found in Australia. Howard said he can guess the plot. He said Mo, Larry and Curly get into trouble and they hit each other. Howard said he's excited about that though. He loves the Three Stooges.
Howard said it's weird to him that Robin is coming back to the studio tomorrow and David Arquette is going to be there. Howard said they'll see how that goes. Robin said they have a big announcement.
Howard said Obamacare begins today. Howard said he and Robin won't be able to drive around laughing at people who don't have health care.
Howard said he has to end the show on time today. He said he's exhausted. He said he was wondering what the ratings were for Breaking Bad. He said they did 10.3 million viewers. The previous record for the show was 6.6 million. Howard said yesterday they were talking about how people don't watch it live but on Sunday everyone watched live because they didn't want anything spoiled. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard had Fred play Robin some intro music. Fred played her a song parody about her sweet asshole to the tune of a ZZ Top song.
Howard said that Jackie's Joke Hunt is on tonight. Robin said that she heard a Stern Show Shuffle and they had a bunch of segments where Jackie was complaining about something in every one. Robin said in one he was leaving the show because of money. Then he was complaining about a gift Howard gave him for Christmas.
Howard said he was going through an archive of the show and he found one of Jackie's resignation letters. Howard said he blew it up and hung it on his wall. He said it was hand written by Jackie. He said he wrote a bunch so he's not sure which one this was. Howard said that's what he was talking to Graham Nash about with Neil Young coming in and out of the band all the time.
Howard said his friend Dan Heisman is auctioning off the chance to sit in the studio. Howard said this is the last time they're doing this. Howard said you can find out more at HowardSternAuction.com. Howard got in a plug for the I Want To Get My Grandpa Laid contest they're holding as well.
Robin got to her news and said that they're auctioning off stuff from the show Breaking Bad. Robin said that they were talking about the iconic stuff from the show. Robin said the tightie whities were one thing. Howard said that he heard Bryan wanted to wear the funniest looking underpants so he wore the briefs. Robin said the other thing was the bell that the guy in the wheelchair rang. Howard said the crutches the kid had too.
Robin said that she wanted to talk about the show on Jon Hein and Ralph's show last night but they didn't pick up on her. Then when they did there were technical problems so she gave up. Howard asked Jon Hein how the show went. Jon said he was bummed that they had those problems. He said that Richard Roeper sat in with them. Jon said that the fans loved the finale but they were just giving it a 9 out of 10. Jon said he thought that was a great episode but not quite a 10.
Howard asked Jon what the best hamburger is and what score it is. Jon said In N Out is a 10. He said Burger King is the worst with a 1 or a 2. He said that McDonald's is about a 7. Wendy's is about an 8 with their burger.
Robin said that she's wondering what Jesse will do with his life after he gets away. Howard said maybe he'll have a life. Howard said he thinks that Jesse is a loser and he'll continue to fuck up. Robin said she agrees. Robin said he'll always be a fuck up. Robin said he did some bad things too. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Howard said Wolfie bought JD a gift at the spoon convention. Wolfie said he got a t-shirt for him that says ''Spooner'' on it but it's a 2 XL. He said that he's not sure if that's the right size. Howard said it might not be big enough.
Wolfie said he picked up a spoon from 1915 for JD and it might be the prize possession for him. Wolfie said there were only 9 people left in the room when he got there on Saturday. Howard wondered if they're upset about that. Wolfie said that they say that the younger generations aren't into the collecting.
JD came in and told Wolfie to shove that t-shirt up his ass. He said he's not bringing spoon collecting back. Howard asked what's on the shirt. Wolfie said it's a solid black shirt with white letters that say ''Spooner.'' Howard said he has to wear that. JD said he's not going to. They played a song parody about JD's inability to speak. JD said he can't wait to see Robin in person laughing at him again.
Wolfie told JD the spoon he got for him is worth about a hundred bucks. JD told him not to buy him spoons. He said he's not keeping them. Howard replayed some of Wolfie's interview that he played this morning.
Howard asked if he's really not going to wear that shirt. JD said no. Howard said he's being rude. JD laughed and said ''fuck you.''
Wolfie said he's had a cat for like 10 years. Howard cut him off and asked him not to ask any cat questions. He told him to go buy the North Shore calendar. Wolfie said that won't solve his problem. He said that he has a male cat that just started spraying in the house. Howard said the cat is pissed off at him for some reason. Howard told him to bring him to the vet. Wolfie said they've brought him to 3 vets. Howard said they're not paying attention to him. Wolfie said he's a tremendous help. Howard said Beth might know the answer. Wolfie said he doesn't know what to do about it. Howard told him to tweet Beth and ask her.
Howard said Beth will be in next week. He said they've been adopting out so many cats lately. He said it's been a fantastic experience. He said they have a cat right now that's full grown and maybe 2 years old. He said the thing is blind but it can see out of one eye. Howard said she is the sweetest animal ever. Howard said they need a home for her. Howard said you'll never meet a nicer cat. Howard said you have to go somewhere. He told people to go to his wife or on HowardStern.com
Robin got back to her news and read about Anna Kournikova and Enrique Iglacias possibly breaking up. Robin said that they were engaged to be married.
Robin said that Michael Douglas and Katherine Zeta-Jones may not be broken up. She was wearing her wedding ring on the red carpet of some event.
Robin said that Chanukah is actually on Thanksgiving this year. Howard said he can't handle that. He did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a priest that told his congregation that he had just become a father. Robin said he had a baby born and had to step down from the priesthood. Robin said that he said that it was the happiest moment of his life and he was sorry that they can't do that in the catholic church. Howard said it's a good thing. He said that he's into women and he's a priest. Howard said they need to get rid of some of these ridiculous rules they have.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Graham Nash slipped something right by them with that song Chicago. He slipped in Obama's name in the song. Howard said he caught it but he had a million other things on his mind. The caller said it was very noteworthy and it deserved an extra comment. Howard asked Robin if she caught that. Robin said she did. Howard said she doesn't miss a thing.
Robin said Dominic Barbara is becoming more and more of a Wack Packer. Robin said he's on trial for allegedly choking a girl in his home. Robin said that he was representing himself. She said he's 67 years old. Robin said that the woman claims that Dominic put his hands around her neck and cut off her breathing and she was in fear of her life. Howard said he didn't know he could get that physical. Robin said it was unclear who the woman was. Robin said Dominic was also accused of trying to get money out of his ex-wife. Robin said they say he allegedly tried to blackmail her out of $200,000. Howard said he needs a hobby like collecting spoons. Howard told JD to give him a call. Robin said this is terrible and she's not sure what to even say anymore.
Robin read a story about a TV movie that was planned about Hillary Clinton. Robin said that project and another one about Clinton have been dropped. Robin read about why they had been dropped.
Robin read a story about how there are two new saints. Robin read the details about that.
Robin read about Bill DeBlasio and how he had to fess up about a tragedy in his family. He had to say that his father committed suicide in 1979. Robin said that he's never talked about that publicly before. Robin said he was battling terminal cancer at the time. Howard said Bill DeBlasio is the same height as him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about the show The Blacklist. Howard said he TiVo'd it last night. He said he hasn't seen the second episode. The caller said James Spader is perfect in the part. The caller said that JD should set up a table at the spoon convention and charge people to sign autographs. Howard said there were only 9 people there so he wouldn't make much.
Robin said the government had to shut down for the first time in 17 years. Robin said a lot of people don't have anything to do today. Robin said people in Washington, Virginia and Maryland are out of work for the day. Robin said Elephant Boy isn't working today because he's considered non-essential.
Howard said that Gene Simmons sang the National Anthem at a game and he thinks it was pretty good. Howard said he was shocked. He said the guy treated it seriously. He had a bunch of women singing with him backing him up. Howard played it for Robin to hear. Robin said that's ridiculous. Howard said at least he took it seriously. Howard admitted it sounded like some guy just wandered in off the street and sang the song.
Howard said he had to take a break but Robin wanted to finish her news about the government shutdown. Howard said he didn't have the audio for today's news. He had to take a break anyway. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break Howard came right back and asked what number he was supposed to play. Robin said 14 but Howard didn't have it. Gary said that Scott is saying he never got a 14. Robin wondered why it was numbered then. No one knew. Robin read more about the government shutdown and had Howard play a different clip. Robin read about the closures of many government run things that are shut down right now.
Howard asked Scott DePace about what he thinks about this shutdown and if he thinks it's the wrong way to go about things. Scott said he agrees with that but he doesn't want Obamacare. Howard said that this isn't the right way to go about it. Howard said they come off looking bad by doing it this way. Benjy got into the argument but Howard didn't want to get sucked into that so he cut his microphone off and said he didn't want to argue with him.
Robin read about a group of people who are targeting same sex marriage laws in certain states. Robin said they are focusing on Virginia's same sex marriage law. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to listen to a Rolling Stones song and a Procol Harem song and it's the same riff. Howard said it's not the same notes. The caller said that it's very close. Howard said he didn't want to argue that either. He hung up on the guy. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about what's going on in Syria and how they're still trying to figure out what's going to happen.
Robin read about same sex marriage in New Jersey and the battle that's going on there. Robin said Governor Christie is trying to hold that up over there.
Robin read about how October is national breast cancer awareness month. Howard said he used to do breast exams and he never did find a lump. He said he wanted to save lives but he didn't. Robin said he did try to help by checking them for lumps. Howard said he felt enough titties.
Robin read about 5 people who died in a rock slide in Colorado. Robin said a 13 year old was pulled to safety and brought to a hospital.
Robin read about how many starving people there are in the world. Howard said none of them are starving in the Howard Stern compound. Howard said that you'd think world hunger was solved if you see the food they have there. Robin read about how starvation has done down worldwide. Howard said that there's so much food there the staff ranks hamburgers on a scale of 1-10 and won't go to some places for burgers.
Robin asked if Howard Googles himself. Howard said he doesn't really. He has a Google alert set up but he doesn't go out and check himself. Robin said a study says that many people do.
Robin said that in Florida they're telling people with open wounds not to go into the water at beaches. Robin said a man died from a bacterium that got into an open wound. Robin said the man had sores on his legs a few hours later and he ended up dying of kidney failure. Robin said more than 2 dozen people have been infected.
Robin read a story about a YouTube music awards show that's coming next year. Robin said that the show will be produced in New York and will air live on YouTube. Robin said they have a bunch of music acts lined up for the show. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
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Gary said that Graham is a friend of the show. He said he was on at WNBC and once or twice after that. He said he hasn't been on recently. Gary said they wanted to have Graham come in and do some songs and he got to ask Graham himself if he was willing to do some songs. He said that it was great dealing with him that way.
Jon and Gary talked about Graham's book and some of the stuff they read about the band in there. They talked about his great relationship with David Crosby.
Jon and Gary also talked about how the band was turned down by some big names in the business. Jon wondered how you let that go. Gary said that they were doing 3 part harmony and there weren't many doing that at the time. Gary said he's not sure how they passed on it though. Jon and Gary talked about the things Graham was telling Howard. They spent a few minutes on that.
Jon also brought up how JD didn't thank them for buying him the suit so Howard brought that up today. Gary said he'd rather do that on the air than go back to JD's office and do it. Jon said that JD feels terrible about that. Gary said he hopes that JD remembers to do it next time. Gary said he's on a mission to help JD. He said they treat him like a kid but he's 32 or 33 years old and he's not a kid anymore. He said they're not helping him by treating him like a kid. Gary said he's going to point some things out to him when he has to.
Jon said that they have done some things to help him mature. Gary said Jason and Will started there as kids. He said that everyone evolves though. Gary said that JD is stuck in this weird area trying to figure out how to get to the next level. Gary said he feels brotherly to him. He said he's like a big brother. He said he feels that way with some of the other guys but they have matured more. Gary said Will is a dad now and he can talk to him about that stuff. He said they're both dads of two kids.
Jon and Gary also brought up how JD is going to miss the Reds game tonight by going to the movie. Gary said he would just wait to see the movie on Friday. Jon said that he can't back out now. He said that would be rude to Beth. Gary said she's a sports fan though so she might understand.
Benjy said that JD is going for the movie though. He said that he's not going for the red carpet event. Gary said something amazing has happened to his team though. The Reds are in the playoffs. Jon said he would watch that game if he was such a big fan of the team. They spent a little more time talking about that and then went to break.
Jon said that Chris is doing a 3 hour show and he wonders how Howard does it every day. Jon said he was asking him about AGT and Howard wondered why he was giving him advice. He said later on Chris said he didn't know what grade his 8 year old was in. He asked what makes a good father. Gary said that not many people will admit that they're bad fathers.
Jon asked if Howard's dad was a good dad. Gary said he thinks that Howard has some great stories about growing up with his dad. Benjy said if what Howard says is true about the way he grew up then he doesn't think he was a good dad. He said maybe what Howard says was exaggerated though.
Jon said that it's a different type of parenting. Gary said he was watching Mad Men with his wife but they stopped watching after the third or fourth episode. He said she got so fed up with the way things were going in the show that they had to stop. Gary said that the wife was sent to a shrink on the show and the shrink called the husband to tell him what his wife was saying in therapy. He said that wouldn't happen today but back then maybe it did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the funniest part of the show was when the guy who puts gifts in a wood chipper gave JD advice on being appreciative of gifts he's given.
Benjy said that he's doing more handwritten notes now than he ever has. Gary said that he has too. He said he sent Natalie Maines a personal note for sending him some vinyl.
Jon said that Scott DePace just showed up. He said he heard they were talking about his parenting. Jon and Gary said they weren't talking about him but they were talking about parenting. Jon said they were wondering what the definition of a good dad is. Scott said that a good dad teaches right from wrong and teaches sports and a lot of things.
Gary said they have a bit coming up on the show about ''Who's the Better Dad'' and it's kind of a Newlywed game kind of thing. Gary said that Scott is going to bring his kid in and he said that he doesn't really talk to his kid. Scott said he was joking. He said he plays video games with him all the time. He said that the kids come to him for a lot of things.
Jon asked Scott if he ever tries to get out of doing things with his kids. Scott said he won't play Monopoly with them. He said it's too hard to teach them how to play. He said playing with adults is fine though.
Scott said he's been very busy helping his kids with homework. Gary said he had to use the internet a lot with that. Jon said he wonders how Sal helps his kids. Gary said that his son likes to put on the electronic dance music there at Sirius but there are days when he's not in the mood. He said sometimes he has to limit that to 20 minutes. Scott said he has the same problem. He said his son likes to play Hits 1 and he likes Classic Vinyl. He said sometimes his son will hit Hits 1 without him knowing it. Jon said he does the same thing. He said he can't listen to that stuff.
Gary asked Jon what the worst thing was he had to sit through with his kids. Jon said he would bring his iPod with him to concerts. He said that he went to a Hanna Montana and Jonas Brothers concert and that was tough. He said that he remembers looking down on the floor and looking at other dads. He said he had to do that for his kids.
Gary said there was a Barney video where you see the moms in the video acting like they're at a Bruce show. He said it's not for them though, it's for the 2 year olds.
Jon said there were moms screaming for the Jonas Brothers at the concert he was at. He said it's just ridiculous.
Scott said he's not sure he could even change a girl's diaper. Jon said it's easier than changing a boy's diaper. There's less in the way. Scott said he just doesn't want to know. Benjy said he should look into that. Scott said he'd be afraid of getting the kid sick. He said if you wipe the wrong way you can get an infection down there. Gary said you learn to wipe the right way then.
Jon asked Scott if he's a Grand Theft Auto guy. Scott said he's not. Scott said he saw a video JD put up about that game. He said that there were some kids fighting over a copy of the game. He said his kids aren't into the game either. He said they like Halo and he likes Battlefield.
Gary said he has seen the game but he doesn't play. He said his kids will tell him stories about it. Scott said that Battlefield is great. He said he gets a great feeling when he snipes someone in the game and hits them right between the eyes. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Jon asked if he's nervous about tonight. JD said he is and he's worried about them losing. Jon said he meant the screening. JD said he doesn't want to embarrass anyone there. Scott asked what he'll do if she grabs his hand. JD said he'll hold her hand if she wants to. Scott said he wouldn't do that to a buddy's wife. JD said they all know what's going on there. There's no shenanigans going on. He said there are people on Twitter saying that he should finger her. Gary said you don't joke about your boss's wife like that. JD said it's people on Twitter, not him.
Gary said he's been thinking about JD a lot lately. He said that he wants to help him do better so he's going to say things to him when he needs to. JD said he has a tough time expressing anything personal. He said that he would rather try to think of something to return a favor instead of just saying thank you. Gary said he should jot off a note to Beth thanking her for the movie. JD said he was going to send an email. Gary told him to send an actual note and hand write it. Gary said that's enough. He said that will go a lot further than an email.
Benjy asked Scott if he's ever written a note to anyone there. Scott said his wife does that. Scott said he has sent email but he has his wife help him with that stuff. Gary asked if the handwritten note crossed his mind. Scott said that's not his thing. JD said that his handwriting is terrible. He said he'd rather send an email so it's readable.
Jon asked if he's happy with the suit. JD said he thinks it'll be good. He said he's going to wear it tonight and see how it goes.
Benjy asked if he wishes his feet were bigger. JD said he has size 9s. Benjy said he got size 11s when he went out shopping just to impress Elisa. Benjy wears a 9.
Scott asked JD how he thinks the press line is going to go. JD said he's not going to put his arm around Beth. He said he just wants to go into the theater and get a good seat. Scott said he should put his arm around her. Jon said he's sure Beth will have a seat blocked off. He doesn't need to get there early. JD said he wants to be there early to get a good seat. He doesn't know how these things work.
Gary said for people who don't know Beth people are going to think that JD is a really cool, indie director. He said Beth is going to be his muse. JD said that he'd be pissed if the Reds lost and he didn't go to the movie.
Benjy asked if JD knew the Reds thing was coming up. JD said he wasn't sure. He said he's not sure if he would have made the same decision if he knew the game was coming. JD said he's going to the movie to see the movie too. He doesn't care about the red carpet.
Gary said the movie is 90 minutes and he didn't know that was possible anymore. He said that just about everything is over 2 hours these days. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how many wonderful comments he got about Graham Nash being there yesterday. Howard said he'll read some of those. Howard went through some of the mail and people were talking about how great he was on the show.
Howard said Robin has returned to the studio. Robin said she was never away from the show but she is back for the first time in 17 months. Fred played her in with her news theme songs. They had Gary playing along on his trumpet too. Howard said it's amazing any sound comes out of that trumpet.
Howard said the other day they were saying that when she returns they will welcome her back with rose petals on the floor. They actually did. Robin said she walked around them so she didn't walk on them. Howard said they have a special message from the President and his wife. Howard played a clip of the President and First Lady welcoming back Robin. Howard said he sees her Rolling Stone reporter is there with her today. Howard asked that person to put that in the article.
Howard said Oprah Winfrey wants to welcome her back too. Howard played that clip as well. Howard said that's America's Sweetheart. Howard said that was done live with a band behind her.
Howard played a Welcome Back song parody from Little Mikey. He welcomed her back and asked her to whip her titties out. That was to the tune of the Welcome Back Kotter theme song.
Howard said it's a nice return. Robin said she was brushing her teeth this morning and thinking about going back for the first time. She said that it was tough right after surgery but now she can just brush her teeth and run out the door.
Howard said it's great to have her physically there. He said he was sick of looking at Benjy's boobs. He said now he has hers to look at. He said it's nice to have a woman there since the office is full of fat white guys. Howard said he can never be without her again. Howard said her beautiful face and smile and her enormous titties.
Howard said he's been praying for this day and it makes him very happy. Robin said she thinks this day would never come. Howard said he didn't. He said that he had no idea what the outcome was going to be. He said he thought he was going to lose her permanently. Howard said he never could have predicted this.
Hard said he likes Robin's new hair do. He said that he didn't think it came off very well in photos. He said it looks good in person. Robin said she's not very photogenic.
Robin said this is going to be fun. She said she can see things in the studio now and pick what she wants to look at. Howard said maybe she can watch Richard drink beer with his ass in person. Robin said the people look bigger on TV and the studio looks smaller. Howard said JD gained all the weight that her tumor took out of her.
Howard asked Robin if she thought about seeing Benjy. Robin said she never did. Benjy said he's very happy for her. Robin said she loves Benjy.
Howard asked how the movie was. JD said it was awesome. He said it was in 3D and Sandra Bullock was great in it. He said the movie was small but only because there are only two people in it. JD said that they're stranded in space and that's the basic premise.
Howard said he thinks he had a good time. JD said he did. Howard said his beloved Reds ended up losing. JD said they were losing 3-0 at the end of the movie. He said the Pirates continued to score while the Reds didn't hit.
JD said that Beth sat next to Dan Rather during the whole movie. He said at least she had someone to talk to. JD said he could have sat next to him but he didn't have anything to say to the guy. JD said it was great leaving Howard's building and Regis was coming in. He said he loves Regis. JD said he didn't say anything to him though.
Howard said Regis is always up. JD said he showed up at the movie too. He said he didn't talk to him there either. Howard asked if Beth and Dan Rather were talking at all. JD said they were talking about the movie. Robin asked what JD talked to Beth about. JD said they were talking about movies and stuff. Howard said he heard that they were talking about his career and how he wants to direct film. JD said he talked about how lazy he is too. Howard and Fred did their impressions of JD having that discussion.
Howard said he heard that Dan Rather said to Beth that he's glad she brought an Autistic guy to the movie. Howard and Fred did more mumbling after that.
Robin asked JD why he doesn't shave more. JD said he doesn't know. Howard asked if there's any chance that in 9 months he'll wake up with a baby that can't talk and has a spoon collection. JD said that won't happen. Howard did more of his impression of JD talking about his spoons. Howard asked where his spoon song is. Howard said they took it down.
Howard said JD was on the red carpet with Beth and the Paparazzi were booing him. He said that they didn't want him in the pictures with her. JD said he had to tell some people who he was. He said he was trying to think of a fake name. Robin said JD just finished a sentence with gobledy gook that she didn't understand. JD said things haven't changed much since she wasn't there.
Howard played JD's theme song which was an opera singer singing as JD. Howard said that song is amazing. Robin said it deserves an award.
Howard said Beth told him to never leave her alone with JD again. Howard said JD looked good in his suit. He said that he heard they had a great time. JD said he did. Howard asked if Beth insisted on holding hands with her. JD said she did. He said he wouldn't insist on that. JD said she didn't want to leave him alone like a puppy.
JD said the movie Gravity was great and everyone should go see it. Howard said the movie sounds great. He said he has to see that. Howard asked when he got home. JD said he was there by 9:30 or 10.
Howard said he was so wasted yesterday that he went to bed early. JD said he got a couple of hours in the afternoon and then he came back there. Howard asked why he didn't wear his suit to work. He said the guy from Rolling Stone could have written that up.
Howard said that back in the day you could get laid being a Rolling Stone reporter. Brian said he's married. He said he doesn't get that. Howard asked if he lives in New Jersey. Brian said he lives in the Village. Howard said he hopes he writes a good article about Robin.
Howard asked if Robin did the photo shoot with them yet. Robin said she's doing it today. Howard asked if she's doing too much. Robin said ''here we go...'' Howard said his mother says that you should only do one thing a day. Howard did his impression of his mother telling him about that. Howard did both his mother and father. He had his mother talking about her daily routine and how they only do one thing. Howard had her talking about Robin carrying on and going here and there. Howard said it's her first day back in the studio and she's running around going to Rolling Stone. Robin said she'll sleep through the shoot. Howard had his mom telling Robin to get more rest. She told Robin that she's 85 and she's doing just fine because she rests constantly. Robin was joking around with her and Ray was being very serious with her. Ray was telling Robin that she wasn't the one who had cancer. Howard would have his father asking who Ray was on the phone with over and over. Ben has a hard time hearing so he'd keep asking ''What?''
Robin said she has to go out and promote this book and then she'll go back to resting. Howard said that's her advice. Robin said she's listening.
Howard said he has some new song parodies. Howard played one that was about Robin from Psych. Howard said this other one is unbelievable. Howard played the song which was a Rolling Stones parody. Howard said he loves that one. That was from Psych too.
Howard played a Little Mikey song parody about Robin. Robin wondered why he thought of that one. Howard said he loves her.
Howard said Richard Simmons was in there last week and he broke into song. Howard said a guy figured he could make a song out of that. He played that and it was Richard singing a Led Zeppelin song. Howard said he loves that. He said they put Richard into another song as well.
Howard said he has a bit that they put Richard and George Takei into. They had Richard licking George's tits and showing George his cock. Howard said that was the first time for Richard Simmons hooks up with George Takei. Howard said that nothing like that could ever happen since Richard is looking for a wife. Howard said it's pure fantasy.
Howard said that Mark the Bagger cut a song for Robin. Howard played that for her. It was Mark singing about Robin sucking his cock.
Howard had a bit where Riley Martin was talking to a Klingon. Howard said he has to play a clip of Riley talking about the shutdown of the government. He said he'll do that later.
Howard said they got some Wack Pack feedback from Wendy the Retard about the finale of Breaking Bad. Howard played the clip and Wendy was talking about zombies eating people. Howard said she's kind of close. The show is on the same network. Robin said they did have the Walking Dead commercial during the finale.
Howard tried to take a call from Captain Janks but he wasn't there. Howard took a call from a guy who was giving instructions on how to microwave something. Howard said the show is going very well so far. Howard asked the guys to call in from the back instead so the reporter thinks the callers are intelligent.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Piers Morgan was fired from CNN. He said he heard that Howard is replacing him. Howard said he can't say anything about that. He said all he can say is that Jeff Zuker is a great guy. Howard said he actually didn't hear anything about him being fired. The caller said it's true. Howard said he thinks the guy is wrong. The caller said it was on the local radio there in Phoenix. The caller said he hopes it's true. Howard said he likes Piers. The caller said he does too but he tried to go after him with the whole King of All Media thing.
Gary said Piers is coming in the week after next. Howard said he isn't replacing Piers on CNN. Howard said he already replaced him on America's Got Talent. Howard said that's the only replacement he's doing. Howard said he has to take a break so he can get to David Arquette and Jesse Ventura.
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Howard said that there is an article about Piers Morgan being replaced. He said that they're actively looking for a replacement according to the article he read. Howard said they should get Riley Martin. Howard said he's doing political commentary now. Howard said Riley was talking about the government shutdown thing and you can see that he has no clue what's going on.
Howard played a clip from the Riley Martin show where he's talking about the government shutdown. Howard said he thinks that he's upset that he might not be getting his government assistance checks or something. Howard played more of the clop and Riley was going on and on with a bunch of ''what have you'' and ''however'' in his comments. Howard did an impression of that and played more of the clip. Riley was talking about the senators who did this are getting paid right on time. Riley said they can take their tongues out of their butts. He was going on and on about what they can do to themselves. Riley said he will remember all of this when it comes to voting time.
Howard said they do have political talk on their channel. Howard said it's exciting that Riley is moving them into the future with that.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using Riley Martin audio clips where he keeps saying hello to different people. The guy on the other end keeps saying no to every name. He hangs up a few times but they call him back. They went to another break after that.
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Howard came back and said he didn't know they were back. He said that David Arquette is there. Howard said he's promoting a show called Dream School. Howard said he looks good. He said he's very handsome. David thanked him for that. David said it's so good to see Robin back. Howard said she hasn't been there in 17 months. Howard said she got ill right after she kissed David. Howard said it's suspicious that she came racing in when she heard David was going to be there. Howard said Robin and David had a make out session of some kind. David said they did.
David said Robin wanted a new tattoo so they went to get one. Howard said David took her to get a tattoo. David said he got one with her. He got one of his grandfather. He paid for Robin's tattoo from Mark Mahoney. David said he's the best. Robin said David got her a bottle of wine and they had that while they were getting the tattoos. Howard said he didn't think they could do that while they were being tattooed. David said maybe they did it outside the place.
Howard asked if David drove Robin home. David said she got a cab. Robin said one of his friends actually drove her home. Howard asked when they kissed. David said it was before she left. Howard said Robin descried how he kissed her and it was a surprise. Robin said she went to hug him and it became a kiss. David said that he kissed her and he did it with tongue. David said he wanted to fuck but Robin didn't want to. Howard asked if Robin is responsible for his break up with Courteney Cox. David said the kiss was long after that. Howard said he was ready to fuck but Robin didn't want to. David said it would have been beautiful. David said he kind of threw it out there for her.
Robin said David was in the middle of his tattoo when all of this was going on. Howard said David kissed her and tongued her. Then Robin says no. Howard said David isn't used to ''no.'' David said of course he's used to that. He said it was a fun little thing that they did. He said they were just hanging out and he wanted to go have more fun. Howard said that is fun. David said they were both single at the time. He wasn't with his girlfriend at the time.
Howard asked what's going on with his girlfriend Christina. David said he's with her and she's his girl. He said that she didn't reject him. He said it did take her a while though. Howard asked if she was upset about him coming to see Robin this morning. He said she wasn't upset about it. He said she might give him a pass if Robin wanted to do it.
Howard asked David who else he was rejected by. David said there was a really brutal one but he didn't want to say her name. He said he got her number and he left a message for her. Howard asked who it was. David said she called him back and told him that he had left a message on her ex-boyfriend's phone. Howard said she must have thought he was an idiot for doing that.
Howard said David should have been out on the scene a little more. David said he's good. He said he doesn't need to cross anything off his list.
Howard said that David admitted he was drinking again last time he called in. Howard said people love to hear that. He was all over the news. David said people talk shit about other people all the time. He said it makes him crazy. David said that we can't cry too much when the whole world is crumbling because everyone has been bullied and they go out and do crazy things.
Howard heard that David shut down his Twitter account after he admitted he was drinking. David said he was out one night with his girlfriend. He said he drove her home and went to work after that. He said that people reported that he went to a strip club that night but it was the night before that he was there. Howard said he read that they broke up and he went to the strip club. David said he loves strip clubs and his girl is cool about it. Howard asked if he's getting hand jobs there. David said he is not. He said he'll buy roses and bring some singles. He said he'll make it rain with rose petals and money.
Howard said David is keyed into this gossip stuff. David said he's really not. He said he did the Andy Cohen show and people ask why he keeps doing Howard's show because it gets him into trouble. David said he likes being honest and answering Howard's questions. He said Howard just asks the right questions.
Howard asked David who the woman was that he left the message for on the ex-boyfriend's phone. David said it was Eva Mendes. David said they're part of the same charity and he really likes her. Howard asked why she didn't go out with him. David said she must have just thought he was a bone head. Howard said that she dated Ryan Gosling. David said it was before all of that. He said that she was cool about it. He said he left some douchy message on that voice mail and it wasn't even hers. Howard said it would have been cool if the guy had showed up for a date.
Howard said David came out about his drinking and people were saying negative things about him. David said that he doesn't understand it. He said Hoda and Kathie Lee have wine at 10 in the morning. He said that no one is judging them. Howard asked how the drinking is going. David said he controls it. He said he has wild nights once in a while. He said that's the quote they'll take from this. David said he has successful businesses and he does his work and shows up on time. He said he doesn't screw people over like the reporters who write these stupid articles. Howard asked David is Christina gave him a hard time about drinking. David said she's cool about it.
Howard brought up how David's sister Rosanna was on Ray Donovan. Howard said they had one of the coolest scenes ever on that show.
Howard asked David about this Dream School show he's doing. David said it's on the Sundance channel and it starts on October 7th. Howard asked if it's a regular series. David said it's 6 episodes. David said they try to inspire kids to stay in school. Howard didn't understand how it works. David said they have real teachers and a dean and he's the home room teacher. David said they have people teaching them science, history and storytelling and screen writing. David said that it's really heart felt and inspiring. He said the kids are troubled kids that they're trying to help.
David told Howard about why he's so upset with the rag mags and the gossip stuff out there. He said they just make up lies and put it in the paper. He said that it's not good for our society.
Howard asked David if he's getting along with Courteney now. David said things are fine. Howard said he's heard things about Courteney. Howard said David has to stay on top of that because they have a daughter together. David said they went through a divorce and they share custody of their daughter. He said they're friends and they get along just fine. Howard asked if Jennifer Aniston still talks to him. David said she wished him a happy birthday. Howard asked if she put a smiley face on her text. David said he doesn't know. Howard asked if she said she misses him. David said she didn't.
Howard asked David how many smiley faces she had in there. David asked what the hell he's talking about. He said she gave him a smiley face if that makes Howard happy. He said she gave him an XO. Howard asked if she really did. David said Howard is like a 14 year old. Howard said it would be so great if he hooked up with Jennifer Aniston after Courteney.
Howard asked what strip clubs he goes to. David said he doesn't want to get into all of that. Howard asked if he pops a rod when he gets a lap dance. David said he can't even be honest anymore. Howard asked if he gets a knee in the crotch there. David said he's had that. He didn't want to say if he has finished from that.
Howard asked David if he would give up the strip clubs for Christina. David said he enjoys doing that. Howard asked if he'd give it up for her though. David said that's something they'd have to talk about in therapy. Howard said he would go to strip clubs with Beth and she'd go with him sometimes. Howard said he stopped going when he thought she didn't dig it. David said that's how you do it then. He said he likes sexuality and he likes being alive. David said he gave Adam Lambert a lap dance. He said he believes in equal opportunity. Howard asked what kind of lap dance he gave him. David said the guy is amazing and he has a huge cock. He said he's just kidding about that. David said the guy is very talented and a beautiful man.
Howard asked if he's ever gotten it on with a man. David said he's never done that. Howard asked if he's ever jerked a guy off. David said no to that too. Howard asked why he lap danced for Adam Lambert. David said he did it for his birthday. He was at his club Bootsy Bellows and he came out in a robe like Rocky and gave him a lap dance. He said he dropped the robe and he was semi-naked when he did it.
Howard asked David what man he would sleep with if he had to. David said maybe Benjy. Howard asked if he would join Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux in a threesome. David said he's not going to do that.
Howard asked David who Courteney is dating. David said he doesn't want to talk about all of that stuff. He said it'll end up in the paper and then people will talk. David said he's a good guy.
Howard asked David if his daughter is calling the new guy her daddy. David said she's not doing that. Howard asked if he's bringing his daughter to the strip club yet. David said he's not going to do that.
David said he has a funny story. He said it was Coco's birthday and she had her friends over. He rented a party bus to take her to Universal Studios. He said in the party bus there was a pole. He said he wrapped it in a feather boa to disguise it. He said they were getting there and they discovered the pole. David said by the time they came back from the park the girls had torn down the boa and they were spinning on the pole. He said it was terrible. Howard said his life is wild.
David said he's got two clubs and he has a lot to do with the night life. Howard said it's no wonder he stared drinking. Howard asked when he drinks. David said he probably drinks 4 nights a week. He said he drinks scotch and vodka. Howard said he doesn't like scotch. He said he went to Jerry Seinfeld's house and tried drinking it. David said Howard's interview with Jerry was great. David said they've had some great guests in there lately. Howard said they have. He said they had Metallica playing right over there. He said he had Graham Nash in there yesterday.
Howard said he's doing Jerry's internet show tomorrow. David said he has a show coming up on Crackle.com and that's the same place Jerry's show airs. Howard said he's doing the show but he doesn't want to do it. David said it's great that he's getting out in the world. Howard said Jerry did his show so he's returning the favor. Howard said that they don't have a make up person on the show so it made him feel weird about the whole thing. He said he doesn't wear make up there so he'll go without there too. Howard said he's going to be in a car with Jerry and they're going to do a close up. Howard said they're going to go get coffee and be around a bunch of people. Howard said he doesn't drink coffee either. He said he'll have to have a water. Howard said that will look lame. Howard said they're doing it early in the morning tomorrow. He said it'll be like a date.
Howard said he was wondering what the hell that's all about. He said they could do this in a studio. David said that it'll show another side of Howard. He said that people never see this stuff. He said it's a different side of Howard. Howard said he likes Jerry and that's why he's doing it. David said he should take Jerry to a strip club. That would be great.
Howard asked David what's going on with his drinking. Howard asked how much he drinks. David said he didn't want to get into it. He said he'd like to lay it all on the line but people aren't trustworthy. He said he drinks 2-3 times a week. He said people don't understand who he is. He said he's a good guy and he's handling his business. Howard asked if all of this started after he divorced Courteney. David said it was before that.
Howard said that he hired David to be on Son of the Beach and he played the best part ever. He was Johnny Queefer in Queefer Madness. Howard said he can't get the rights to the show or he'd have that stuff on Howard TV. Howard said that episode was so great. He said he just watched it recently. He said the show was the most juvenile show ever. David said that he loves Tim Stack. He said he's a great guy. David said they did a follow up show that was called Saturday Night Queefer.
Howard said he wonders how it works when he goes to Courteney's house. David said things have calmed down. He doesn't see her as much as he used to. Howard asked if he's allowed in the house. David said he is. Howard said that will end. He said we'll see how that goes. Howard said the new boyfriend won't want him around. Howard said he knows she's dating her co-star. David said he just wants her to be happy. He didn't want to talk about it. Howard asked if he has a key to the house. David said he doesn't.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk. Jeff said he wanted to congratulate him for coming back to their team. He was congratulating him on the drinking thing. Jeff told him to keep it up. David laughed and thanked him for that.
David said he went to rehab and went through his divorce. He said he got sober for two years and 4 months at least. He said it's not in the books that you can't go back. Robin said there is no book. Howard said he'd like to start a reverse AA thing where you can go back to drinking responsibly. Howard said he knows guys who have done that. Jeff made a weird noise while Howard was talking. Jeff said he's never stopped drinking. Jeff said he can't even get a ride to AA. David said it's good that he doesn't have a car. David said that's one thing he never does. He said he never drinks and drives.
Howard asked why he stopped drinking. David said he was heartbroken and completely shattered. He said there were a lot of things going on.
Howard asked Jeff how much he drinks a day. Jeff was making noise on the line so they were making it sound like he was jerking off. They had a clip of Ronnie making noise like he was cumming so they put that to music. Howard played the clip of him doing that to music too. David said that was disturbing but great.
David asked why he doesn't do more shows like Son of the Beach. Howard said it was too much work. He said he actually is working on a show now and it's going to be great. He said that he had to work 24/7 on Son of the Beach. He said that it could drive a man to drink... responsibly.
Howard was going to let Jeff go after he said ''Live Long and Prosper.'' Howard asked how much he drinks and when he starts drinking. Jeff said he's trying to save money for a trip he might be taking. Howard said he might have to get out and work if the government stays shut down. Howard said most of his money must go to drinking and cigarettes. Jeff said it doesn't. Howard let Jeff go after that.
David said there's a Twitter thing going on and you can find out more by using the hash tag #GetCovered. It's about the Obama health care thing.
Howard asked David if he smokes weed at all. David said he's not going to talk about that. Howard took a call from Wheels and he asked if there are any men in his family. David said there are. He said he doesn't want to give anyone fuel for the fire.
Wheels asked if Howard blocks anyone on Twitter. Howard said he never does. Wheels said that no one cares. Howard said he laughs off the negative stuff on Twitter.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wants to know when the Jerry Seinfeld show thing is going to air. Howard said he doesn't know when it will air. He said he's shooting it tomorrow though. The caller said he'll have a great time doing it. Howard said he doesn't know he'll do that. Howard said he and Jerry can be awkward together so it might turn out kind of weird.
Howard took a call from someone who said that he thinks David and Robin are lying and they actually fucked. David laughed and said he caught them. The guy said he wanted to sniff his fingers.
Howard gave David more plugs for this Dream School thing that's on Monday night at 10 on the Sundance channel. He's also got a show called Cleaners on Crackle.com. Howard asked if he can make any money on that. David said he can. He said that they don't take long to shoot that stuff. Howard said that's the great thing about the internet that you can do that. Howard said David wants everyone to start bullying everyone so use hash tag #StartBullying. David said he's against bullying. He said that's not what he wants. He said the things going on in this world are fucking ridiculous. He said that the government has to get back to work. He said these fucking knuckleheads are causing people to lose their livelihood. He said people need to be kinder to each other and there is a greater good that we have to start being a part of. Howard asked if Eva Mendes was hearing this. David asked him to stop with that. He was all worked up about the government shutdown. Howard said this is why they hired him to be Johnny Queefer. Howard said he's fired up. Howard said he loves that. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that the rumors are flying all over about he and Jesse Ventura teaming up to run for President and Vice President. Howard said they haven't had a formal discussion about it. Howard said that Jesse is serious about running.
Jesse said he won't do it if Howard doesn't do it with him. He said there is a method to his madness. He said he needs Howard to help raise funds. He said he went 6 months without money to run for Governor. He said that Howard wouldn't have to leave satellite to do that. He said they can use this show to do that too.
Howard asked Jesse if they really won would he have to give up working on AGT and all of that. Jesse said he doesn't think there's a law that says he would. Jesse said he did some outside jobs when he was Governor. Howard said he got shit about that. Jesse said he did but he doesn't understand why. He said that when he was working on a farm making $4 a bale of hay he didn't have any of that.
Howard said that in the early days people didn't have to give up their jobs to do their government jobs. Robin asked if he would rush back to Washington to do his work. Jesse said he might have to attend some funerals. Howard said he doesn't mind that. He said he thinks as Vice President he'd have good seats.
Howard asked what their platform is. Jesse told Howard that their platform is that they're going to elect someone who doesn't belong to a political party. He said that's the first time since George Washington. Howard asked if people would understand that benefit. Jesse said he thinks they would. Jesse told Howard that this whole government shutdown is based on this health care thing. He said they all have 4 plans to pick from and they won't even give them one.
Howard asked Jesse if he will have to explain a lot of that stuff to him. Jesse said he thinks Howard would grasp it pretty quickly. Howard said he thinks the people should hear this stuff. Howard said they'd probably be running against Hillary Clinton and whoever she chooses. Howard said he has to think if he would even vote for himself in this election. Howard said if it is Clinton and maybe Chris Christie. Howard said it won't be an easy cake walk. Jesse said it never is. He said that you run against the party and not the candidate. He said that's what he did when he ran for governor. He said he ran against the democrats and republicans. He said he was mayor first but he did run and he did win. He said their biggest fear is that they do win. Howard said he'd go right up to Camp David and he'd learn to play golf. Jesse said that they'd have to play separately because you never play together as President and Vice President.
Howard said they went out on the street and asked people if they would vote for them. Howard played the clip of Richard and Sal out on the street asking people that question. One guy said Howard is a Jew and there are enough Jews out there already. Howard asked Jesse if he's up for having this Jew run with him. Jesse said they'd have an Atheist and a Jew running. He said they could win it on that alone. Jesse said they don't need a lot of things on their platform. He said their slogan could be ''We can't be any worse.''
Howard played more of Sal and Richard's interviews and people were saying no way they'd vote for Jesse and Howard. Jesse said that they all sound like white trash. Howard said that's who they interview out there.
Robin said it sounds like Howard is going to have trouble with the women vote. Jesse said he needs Howard for an insurance policy. He said that he'd be assassinated and they won't kill him if Howard is there to replace him. Jesse said he's 62 and he's ready for Social Security. Howard said he looks good. Howard asked to see his ass. Jesse said he doesn't have much of one these days. He said that you get older and it goes away.
Jesse said that they could shake things up so much. He said they would cause panic if they got 20 percent of the polls.
Howard said Jesse is wearing a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt. Jesse said he saw Jimi in 1970 just months before he died. He said he saw him do a show. A month later he saw Janis. Jesse said that Jimi had broken up with his band and he was doing his own thing. He said he did all of his hits that day. He said it's one of the great memories he has. He said he saw Led Zeppelin in 72 and 75 and that was another great memory for him. Howard said he went to a Zeppelin show and people were throwing fire works on people's heads. He said it was crazy. Jesse said that back in the day they gave discounts to the military for tickets. He said that he was in SEAL training when he saw Jimi.
Howard asked if they're going to pull the troops out of Afghanistan when they get into office. Jesse said they will. He said that they are going to keep our troops within 500 miles of our shores. He said we'd get the hell out of the middle east. Jesse said that in Christopher Columbus found this country while he was trying to find another way around the Middle East. He said they hated that area way back then. He said we have to get the fuck out. Jesse said he'd stop providing arms around the world too. Howard said he might have to vote for Hillary.
Howard said what they're going to do is change the way the world operates. Jesse said that's what Kennedy tried to do and he was killed over it. Howard said that's what his new book is about. Howard said he'll talk about that in a minute. Howard asked if Jesse would keep living in Mexico if he becomes president. Jesse said he would keep the property down there.
Howard said Jesse has a new TV show coming up on the internet too. Howard talked to Jesse about the book he wrote about the Kennedy assassination and how he had to have been killed by someone else. He said that the gun that was allegedly used was a piece of shit. He said he tried to do the shoot and even he wasn't able to do it on a non-moving target. Jesse said they had other people attempt it too and no one can do it. He said there is no way Oswald did it. that's what he writes about in his book ''They Killed Our President: 63 Reasons to Believe There Was a Conspiracy to Assassinate JFK''.
Jesse said a lot of people wanted Kennedy dead. He told Howard that the joint chiefs hated him, the mob hated him and a bunch of other people hated him. Jesse said that there had to be at least 6 shooters that day. Jesse said there were some people who saw some of these shooters that day. Howard asked why it was hidden. Jesse said they changed things about the report to make it look like this magic bullet did this thing it did. Jesse said he thinks that LBJ was involved. He said Kennedy was clearly taken out by more than one person.
Jesse told Howard that he has a memorandum in the book that he starts off with. He said that Oswald and Jack Ruby knew each other very well too. Jesse read the memo to Howard and it said that they had to make sure that all of the facts were made public. They wrote that they had to make sure that Oswald would be seen as guilty. Howard asked if he thinks that there are people who laugh about being in on this and getting away with it. Jesse said he has people in the book that talk about this stuff.
Howard asked Jesse why he's not being booked on any mainstream media. Jesse said that they're all part of the cover up. Howard asked if his books sell well. Jesse said that they have all been best sellers but none of them have ever been reviewed. He said that they make it to the best seller list but never get a review.
Howard asked why they should care. Jesse said in his opinion a Coup d'etat happened. He said that's why we should care.
Howard asked Jesse if he hasn't watched TV since January of last year. Jesse said he has lived in Mexico for 8 years now. He said that they don't want to watch TV from America if they're living in Mexico. He said they shut the TV off until May. He said they did watch some movies though. He said they put in a few movies but nothing new. He said he likes Trading Places, American Graffiti, Private Parts with Howard Stern. Howard asked if that's when he knew that he had to be his running mate. Jesse said when he gave a woman an orgasm on a speaker he knew.
Howard asked if he thinks that Obama is a citizen. Jesse said he does believe that. He said he thinks that Obama was part of the CIA in his early career. He said the CIA has a lot of front jobs and one of them is YMCA. He said that's what he believes. Howard said he can't believe he's his running mate.
Howard asked Jesse if they should swim at the YMCA if the CIA uses it as a front. Jesse said sure. Howard said he thinks they have everything covered. He said he just has to raise money for the campaign.
Howard asked who killed the electric car. Howard said that it hasn't been perfected. Jesse said he would say the petroleum companies. He said that they had a trolley in Detroit and they had it ripped up and gone to make people drive cars.
Howard asked about the Philadelphia experiment and what he knows about that. Jesse said he's heard of it but doesn't know much about it.
Howard asked if he thinks that the big tsunami was caused by a nuclear bomb set off in the ocean. Jesse said he doesn't believe that one.
Howard asked if he believes in the Illuminati. Jesse said he does. He said he thinks there are people who control the money. He said he believes they do exist.
Howard asked about the IBM and Gary Kasparov game and if he thinks that IBM cheated. Jesse said he has no idea about that one. Howard asked about the new Coca Cola and if he thinks that it was made shitty to make the old Coke more popular. Jesse said that sounds logical but he doesn't know about it.
Howard asked about the Apollo moon landing and if that was real. Jesse said he wants to believe that was real. He said he thinks that we have been in space and there is no doubt about that.
Howard asked about a 9/11 conspiracy. Jesse said he thinks there was a false flag operation there. Howard said he has said that the buildings went down in a way that they wouldn't go down. Jesse said that it all turned to dust and there was less than 2 percent of the total left when it went down and that's not enough. He said it all turned to dust. Jesse went over what he thought about that and the things that just didn't add up for him.
Jesse told Howard about going out with Mexican guides in the ocean and he got to touch grey whales. He said that he stuck his hands in their mouths in the wild. He said a mother whale would bring its child up to the surface. He said that he'd like to club people who club baby seals. He said he wishes that he could tell Howard what he thinks about people who kill whales.
Howard asked if they're going to legalize pot. Jesse said they will. Howard asked if they'll legalize other drugs too. Jesse said sure. He said that they have to get these people to go to the right place to get their drugs. He said the war on drugs is the most miserable failure out there. Jesse said he has something in the back of his book he wants to read to him. Howard said he feels like he's his father because his father never read to him.
Jesse read that there is no evidence to support that we're the greatest country in the world. He read some statistics that show we aren't number 1. He said we lead the world in three categories. One was the most people in prison. We have the most adults that believe angels are real. He said we also spend more money than anyone else on the military. Howard said he thinks that they're going to win. He said Jesse is very focused and on fire. Howard said he's going to be the Vice President of the Untied States. Howard asked how they're going to get past the Jew thing though. Jesse said that shouldn't matter. He said he's not sure why they have to bring religion into it.
Howard told Jesse that he should be in those The Expendables movies. Jesse said he wouldn't do it even if he was asked. He said that he finds it funny when he sees 60-some year olds doing action films. He said they have Dwayne The Rock Johnson for doing that stuff.
Howard asked Jesse if he can do everything he wants to do with his bad hips. Jesse said that he can. He said that he has stopped lifting weights. He said that he didn't want to get bigger. He said he's cut back so he doesn't build up muscle. Jesse said the most he ever benched was 440. Howard sounded shocked. Jesse said that's not that much.
Howard asked if he juiced. Jesse said he took testosterone. He said that he gave his body an over abundance of it. Howard said that he takes estrogen.
Jesse said that years ago the government went after Vince McMahon over his guys using steroids and they're just doing a show. He said they're not going after MLB like they did with wrestling. He said there's a double standard there.
Robin said she wants to throw some water on this. Robin said they have to worry about the Illuminati and things like that. Robin said they stopped Kennedy so they could stop them. Robin said that they could end up stopping both of them. Howard told Jesse to ignore her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to ask about the spoiler effect and what happens when they split the liberal vote. Jesse said that's good. He said he did the same thing in Minnesota and it worked for him.
Howard asked what they do with Puerto Rico. Jesse said he hasn't thought about that. He said that they can't do any worse than they're doing right now. Jesse said that he didn't take any special money when he was in office. He said he just took $50 donations from the citizens.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said that he believes in the Illuminati and he thinks that Howard and Jesse are protected. He said that they're leaders already. Jesse said he hasn't seen any society around him. Howard thanked Hanzi for the call. Hanzi said he has to talk to Howard after this interview. Howard put him on hold so he could talk to him later.
Howard said he loves that they're running. Jesse said that he gave Howard his number and he never called. Howard said he's having a hard time deciding on this. Howard gave Jesse some plugs for his book ''They Killed Our President: 63 Reasons to Believe There Was a Conspiracy to Assassinate JFK'' and said that he'll be signing copies at Book Ends in Ridgewood, New Jersey tomorrow night.
Howard played the presidential music for Jesse. Jesse said his wife cringes at that. Jesse told Howard that he will have rock and roll playing at his inauguration. Howard played him some Jimi Hendrix and sang along with him. Howard said they're going to have so much fun in the White House.
Jesse said that he likes Jimi Hendrix's song ''Hey Joe'' because he sings about going down to Mexico with a gun in his hand. Howard asked how many guns he has. Jesse said they're outlawed in Mexico so he has none. Howard said he has to have some. Jesse said he doesn't. He was singing along with ''Hey Joe'' and told Howard to wait until he gets to the Mexico part.
Howard told Jesse that when he ran for Governor he was polling at 20 percent. Jesse said they have a good shot at this. Howard said that he should be President and have Jesse be VP. Jesse said he'll do 4 and Howard and do the next 4. Howard said he can do what he wants, just leave him alone.
Howard said you can find out more about Jesse on Facebook at OfficialJesseVentura.
Howard told Jesse about what his father did to him when he was a kid. He said he'd bring him to a recording studio and ask him political questions at the age of like 6. He had Fred play him a clip of Ben asking him a political question and Howard answers with a half assed answer so Ben says that he isn't understanding.
Howard said that he's not hearing anything he's against with Jesse. He said he should run with him. Fred played another clip of Ben asking little Howard a question about the US remaining in the UN. Howard said that we should ''...because we don't want the Japs anymore...'' and then he makes the sound of a machine gun.
Howard said he has to meet with Robin about this whole thing. He said they may have to just throw all caution to the wind. Robin asked Jesse about how we're going to handle foreign aid. Jesse said we're cutting it all off. He said it's going to be simplified. He said we're so far in debt that we have to stop it. Howard wrapped up and gave Jesse some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard said he thinks Hanzi needs serious help. Hanzi said he has been telling him this. Howard said none of this exists and he's out of his mind. Howard said he has no knowledge of Hanzi and he doesn't spend a minute thinking about him. Hanzi said that's a lie. He said he doesn't think that he's a truthful guy at all. Howard said he is not in control of a secret organization. Hanzi asked why he would admit it if he did.
Hanzi told Howard that he sends his people to give him a hard time on Twitter. Howard said Hanzi needs to take some drug that they had found that was an anti-psychotic. Hanzi said he thinks that Robin's cancer is from a higher power and she's been doing something else for the pasts year and a half. Howard said he will hang up on him if he says anything else about her cancer. Howard said that he's stepped on him and set him off. Howard told him to get on this Chlizoral stuff. Hanzi said Howard is more mentally ill than he is. Howard hung up on Hanzi after he yelled something about him wearing a wig.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that Jerry drove like a maniac with Ricky Gervais. Howard said if he starts driving like a maniac he will beat the shit out of him. He said he doesn't want his life risked. Howard said he'll drive at a normal speed. He said he loves Jerry but if he drives like a maniac he'll beat him up. He said he won't put up with that. The caller welcomed Robin back. Howard said he won't be a pussy like Ricky Gervais. He said he'll ask him to slow down or he'll get violent.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a Chinese restaurant using Casey Kasem clips where he counts down his order. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin started her news, for the first time in 17 months, from her booth. Robin said that she had no control over her eliminatory functions for a very long time. Robin said she had to run off the air at times and she'd have accidents. Robin said it's nice to sit there and not have to worry about that anymore. Howard asked Robin how it feels. Robin said she's perfectly fine. Howard said he just shit in his pants to feel what that's like. He said in all seriousness it's great to have her back. Howard said it seems impossible that it's been 17 months. Robin said it does but it really has been that long. Howard said he never felt disadvantaged when she was working from home. He said she made it seamless. Robin said at times her video feed would go out and that made it tough for her. She said for the most part it worked pretty well for her. She said she could actually see Howard better from home than she can from there.
Robin started off her news with a story about Mia Farrow talking about how her son may not be Woody Allen's son and he may be Frank Sinatra's son. Robin said this is big news and Ronin may not be Woody's son. Robin said that he cut off his relations with his father after he ran off with Sun Yi. Robin talked about some other creepy stuff that's been going on with Woody Allen. One of his daughters claims that he molested her and she's sticking to her story. Robin said she heard that and thought that she may not go to see his movies anymore. Howard said they always end up seeing them though.
Robin read a story about a guy who was going around stabbing people in the city yesterday. Robin said he injured 5 people including a toddler. Howard said Bill O'Reilly said that this is all because of bad parenting. Robin said this guy was running around stabbing people with scissors until some guys stopped him.
Howard said he and Beth are going out to a romantic dinner tonight. He said she told him that she was really looking forward to it. He has to thank JD for turning her off to almost all men and turning her on to him even more. Howard said he thinks it was nice that Beth went out with JD. He said she had a great time with him. Howard said Robin may have to go out with him next. He went into a live commercial after that.
Robin wondered if George Clooney has a girl prepared before he breaks up with another woman. Robin said she noticed that both of his old girlfriends and George are in the paper with new relationships. Robin said maybe George kept his under wraps with Stacy until something happened. Howard said these guys are pussy masters and they play it like chess. Howard said George knows his next 5 girlfriends.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Beth mentioned playing the popcorn game with JD. Howard said it's funny he brought that up. He said they did have popcorn and Beth said it tasted kind of moldy and felt kind of rubbery. Howard said he thinks JD did that trick. He thanked the caller for putting that horrible thought in his head.
Robin read a story about some motorcyclists who surrounded the driver of a Range Rover and now the police have arrested a few people. Robin said that the motorcycle riders got a lot of complaints about the riders before this incident happened. Robin said they beat the crap out of the driver of the Range Rover. She said they're looking for more evidence and any witnesses to what the riders were doing.
Howard said he gets all of his motorcycle information from Sons of Anarchy. He said they're the worst gang ever. He said they screw everything they touch up. He said that he has to watch though. He said he likes the show but he can't believe how bad they are as a gang.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about Jesse Ventura. He said he thinks they should take a shot. Howard said as the Governor was leaving today he said they really have to do this thing. He said the timing is right for it. Howard said he thinks that they could take the whole thing. Robin said then they'd have to run the country. Howard said that's what he said to Jesse. He said Jesse said he's ready to serve though. Howard said he's going to sit down with his people and do a mind map. He said he'll take a piece of paper and put lines outside of the center circle about the things he'll have to do. He said he has to do a mission statement and figure out if he can really be the Vice President. He said that he may get bored and start drawing pictures of Spider-Man on the paper instead.
Howard said that Scott DePace has already gone on record as saying that he won't vote for them. He said he's sick of Scott and he's done with him. Scott told Howard that the governor's ''saneness'' is in question. Howard said the word is ''sanity'' not saneness. Howard said it's ridiculous that he won't vote for his friend. Scott said he would vote for Howard but he can't vote for Ventura.
Robin read about the government shutdown and had some audio of a government employee talking about how congress should get their act together and get them back to work. Robin said there are hundreds of thousands of workers who were sent home yesterday.
Robin read a story about a couple that were planning on marrying at the Grand Canyon but the park is shut down right now so they have to change their plans. Robin had some audio of the bride talking about that.
Robin had some audio of Nancy Pelosi talking about the affordable health care thing. Robin said that they still haven't settled on this government shutdown thing though.
Robin said she has some audio from the story about the bikers that beat up the man in the Range Rover. The audio was a woman talking about the guy who got run over and how he's in a medically induced coma right now. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard said he thought the driver was the one in the coma in that story Robin did. Fred said it was a motorcyclist who was run over by the driver of the car because they were threatening him and he took off trying to protect his wife and kid. Robin said that's why it escalated and ended up the way it did. Howard asked how they got video of that. Fred said one of the guys was wearing a helmet cam and they caught it on video.
Robin read a story about a family that was caught in a rock slide in Colorado. Robin said 5 family members died in that. A 13 year old survived when her father jumped on top of her to protect her. Robin said he saved her life but died in the process. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about the hikers and how they should just sit home and do nothing. Robin said this 13 year old lost her mother and father plus her sister and two cousins.
Robin read about a KKK meeting that had to be shut down because of a national park closure. Howard took a call from a guy who said he played Marvin in Private Parts. Howard said he was the Program Director in Detroit. Howard said this guy was real good in the movie. He said they made a hell of a movie. The guy, Lee Wilkof, said he's trying to make a movie and he's doing a Kickstarter thing. Howard said he thought he was calling because he's his friend. Lee said he is his friend. He said he has a bunch of big stars lined up for it. He said you can go to Kickstarter.com and search for ''No Pay, Nudity.'' Howard thanked Lee for calling in.
Robin got back to her news and read a few stories including one about Paul McCartney doing a live Twitter discussion about his new album.
Robin said she's going to be on the Today show tomorrow. Howard asked what time. Robin said she doesn't know yet. She said she's not sure what time yet. Howard said he's going to watch her on that and buy her Rolling Stone issue. Howard went into his impression of his mother again and told Robin she's doing too much. He said that they do one thing a day and that's what you're supposed to do. He said that Robin should know that. Robin said she's doing one thing on her day off. She asked if that's okay. Robin said she thinks it will be okay. Howard, as Ray, said it's too much. Then Ben interrupted and asked who is on the phone. Ray was telling him she was talking to Howard and Robin and Ben has a hard time hearing so he didn't understand.
Gary came in and asked Mrs. Stern if she wanted to hear what Robin is doing over the next 5 days. Gary said she's very busy. Howard stayed in character and talked to Gary as Ray Stern. Gary said Robin is going to be on Today and then she's doing Entertainment Tonight. Then on Monday she's on Dr. Oz and Wendy Williams. He said she's on a bunch of other shows next week as well. Ray told Robin that it's just too much. She said this is what did it to her and she has to calm down. Ray told Robin that she wouldn't miss a thing if she sat at home. Robin said they used to travel. Ray said they did but not anymore. She said that they didn't have cancer and Robin did. Robin asked how long she's supposed to rest. Ray told her to rest the rest of her life.
Howard snapped out of it and told his mom he had to go. He did a little more of his dad's voice and talked to Robin as Ben. Ben was offering to send her his cereal if she wanted to try it. Robin wished them a good day and Howard came out of character after saying goodbye. Howard said his mom sounded mad at him for some reason. She said she wasn't before ''hanging up'' on him.
Robin read a story about the house that John Lennon grew up in is going up for sale. Robin read the description of the house and said that the seller is sad to leave and he wants a bigger garden now that he's retired.
Howard said he heard that Justin Bieber went to the Great Wall of China and his bodyguard carried him up the stairs. Howard asked if Robin thinks he's spoiled. Robin said it's going to be a shame when everyone goes away. Howard said Ronnie is going to have to carry him up from the parking garage from now on.
Howard said that Jodi Foster is apparently dating Ellen's former girlfriend. Robin asked who that is. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he forgets who was with who. He can't keep track.
Howard said he read that scientists were able to come up with a light saber kind of weapon now that they can link photos together. Howard said that would be great if we didn't have guns. Robin wrapped up her news. Howard said it was great to have Robin back today. He asked if she was happy to see people like Benjy. Robin said she actually hugged Benjy. Howard asked what that was like. Robin just laughed. Robin said she hasn't seen Richard yet. Howard told him not to bother her. Howard asked if anyone hugged her too tight. Robin said they didn't. She said even Ronnie understood. Howard ended the show a short time later, right around 10:15am.
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Jon said the big story today was Robin returning to the studio. Gary said every day he heard her it didn't sound any different. He said she was back to work after going into her booth. Scott said it was great for the TV show. He said he has something to cut to now. He said he was able to be creative and it was awesome. Gary said now he can cut away and not to blotchy Benjy.
Jon asked JD what it was like having his balls broken in person. JD said it was different. He said he used to just stare into her empty chair. He said now he's looking at her laughing at him. He said he doesn't really like to see someone laughing at him but he does what he has to do.
Jon said it seems like JD's date with Beth went alright. JD said he had a good time. Jon asked why he didn't return the compliment to Beth when she said he looked good. JD said he's not good in those situations. He said he doesn't want to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. He said he speaks unless spoken to. Jon said he could have just said she looks good too. JD said it didn't come to mind. He said he was hot and sweating in his suit. He said they hadn't done the red carpet yet so he had a lot going on in his head.
Scott asked if he had sweaty hands with her. JD said he didn't. Gary said he was surprised he didn't say anything to Regis. JD said he didn't want to do that. He said that's a forced interaction and he didn't want to do that to the guy. Jon asked if he was hoping Beth would say something. JD said he was just happy to see Regis in person.
Jon asked JD if he blames himself for the Reds loss last night. JD said they're going there already? JD said he went to get some food before coming back to work. He said he watched the game up there and watched them lose. JD said as soon as the credits of the movie started rolling he checked the score of the game and he saw it was 3-0.
Gary asked if he met Clooney or Bullock. JD said they were there but he didn't get to talk to them. He did say hello to Dan Rather. JD said he said it was nice to meet him. He said there wasn't much in between saying hello and goodbye.
Jon said he gives JD credit for not talking to Regis. He said that can be awkward. Gary said he imagines that Regis looked over to JD and JD probably just turned away.
Gary said Jon is able to talk to just about anyone. Jon said he won't interrupt anyone though. He said it has to be natural so he won't force himself on anyone. JD said Regis didn't know who he was. He said they had great seats at the movie. They were right in the center.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked why JD didn't say something to Beth about how she looked. JD said she's a model and she looks good all the time. He said he did apologize to her and said she looked good. JD said he responded to her when she said ''What about me JD?''
Jon said it sounds like JD had a good time. JD said he did. He said that Beth was on the red carpet and the photographers would yell at her how to pose. He said Beth would bring him down the line and then at one point the photographers were booing him. He said that was fun.
Gary said he was invited to an event for Sony once. He said they would announce the people coming up and you'd hear the cameras clicking. He said when he got up there they put their cameras down. Gary said he said ''Really?'' and a guy picked up his camera half way and took one as if to say ''fuck you.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's Beth's job to introduce him when you meet someone. Gary said that she probably should have said something about JD to Regis. The caller said it's JD's job to just hang back. Gary said he could have stepped up and said something.
Jon took a call from Sour Shoes but he hung up on him pretty quick. Gary said Sour has been calling the office like crazy today. He said he must have problems with his meds or something.
Jon asked Scott about what he thinks about the Jesse Ventura thing. Scott said the guy is a little off. He said the 9/11 stuff really pissed him off. He said he's basically saying that our government did it and that would really piss him off if he was a family member.
Jon said Scott was called out about his ''saneness'' thing earlier. Scott said he looked it up and it's a real word so he wins again.
Jon asked if Jesse is serious about this thing. Gary said he thinks he is to some degree. Gary said that he'd be worried about what happens if he actually wins. Gary said he'd vote for Howard in a second. Gary said he would be voting for Howard but not Jesse. He said he wants him to be Vice President so he can play cards with him in the Vice President's room.
Gary said that he found it interesting when Jesse was doing the Kennedy conspiracy stuff off the air. He said he knew it was trouble because he got into it with Scott the Engineer in the hallway. Benjy asked what's wrong with that. Gary said there's nothing wrong with it. He said that Jesse will talk to anyone though. That's what he was saying.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he and Jesse almost formed a ticket themselves. He said the guy will talk to anyone. Scott said that he spent a bit of time talking to Jesse. He said that he was wandering around the halls looking for someone to talk to so he spent a little time talking to him. Scott DePace said he wouldn't vote for that ticket. He said he just took away the one thing that he'd consider. They went to break a short time later.
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Gary asked who tied his tie for him. JD said Jim McClure did it for him. He doesn't know how to tie a tie himself. JD said he did for a couple of minutes a long time ago. He said he doesn't know how to do it now. JD said that Jim is a bro and he helped him out with it. Gary asked if he has his tie tied up so it's ready to go next time. JD said it is. He said he can get the suit dry cleaned and he can get the tie tied or he'll as Jim to do it again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD seems to be buying into this character he's playing. He said he can't not know he should return a compliment to a woman. JD said it was just the timing. The caller said he's like a baby man. He said he should know how to tie a tie too.
Benjy asked JD if he had a voice saying he should compliment her too. JD said he was nervous and he doesn't remember what he was thinking at the time. Jon asked if he was afraid of fucking things up with Beth. JD said that's in his head the whole time.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how JD felt when 40,000 Pittsburgh fans were chanting the pitcher's name and he wasn't able to hang on to the ball. JD told Jon to hang up on that guy. He said he was just being a dick. They spent a little time talking about the game and then moved on.
Jon asked if a guy should bring a girl to a strip club. Gary said he doesn't think that's a good idea. Ronnie said he thinks it is. He said he knows David brings his girl once in a while and that can be fun. Gary said Jackie once said that it's like bringing an enemy behind enemy lines.
Benjy said that you shouldn't go to a strip club unless the girl really wants to go. He said they usually just go to try and please you. He said it's cheating in most people's book. He said that the guys are cheating on their significant other if you go to a strip club. Ronnie said that's just not true. He said you see more and more couples in strip clubs. He said a lot of girls will do a Bachelorette party at a strip club too.
Gary asked Benjy if he has sworn off strip clubs. Benjy said he never really went to any. Ronnie said that the girls used to run out of the room when Benjy would show up. The guys asked Benjy if he would go if his girlfriend wanted to go. Benjy said she never would want to go. They spent a couple of minutes going around in circles with Benjy before going to break.
Benjy asked if Gary thinks that Jerry will fuck with him. Gary said he doesn't think he'll ruin the episode by doing that. Jon asked Ronnie if he gets yelled at for speeding. Ronnie said he doesn't really.
Shuli said that Ronnie gets set off really quickly. Jon Hein said he does too. Gary said that Jon is a huge tailgater. Jon said he is but he's a left lane driver and he'll tailgate someone until they move out of the way. He said the left lane is for passing and people are breaking the law when they don't move out of the way.
Gary said he has road rage too. He said he got into an argument with a guy on 3rd Ave and a cop looked at him and asked if he was the guy from the Howard Stern Show. He said he just got back in his car.
Gary said he had a guy tailgating him so he did the same to that guy. Gary said he chased the guy until the guy slammed his brakes on. He said he ended up fish tailing on the highway and he never did it after that. He said he didn't want to die for something so stupid.
Shuli said he was in a cab and the cab driver got into a fight with another guy and beat the other guy's ass. Gary said he was walking up Central Park South once and he saw a couple of cab drivers arguing and this one guy pulls out about 7 feet into the road and then he backed his cab into the other cab. He said he had to leave because he thought he was going to be next.
Jason said he agrees with Jon's style of driving. Jason said he was in a car with Gary years ago and they were stuck in traffic and Gary ended up driving on the sidewalk and made a left turn. Gary said that's not road rage. Jon said that's ingenuity. Gary said there are some sidewalks where you know you can do that. Ronnie said that's being smart.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he used to go to strip joints when he was younger but not anymore. He said if you go and you're married it is cheating. He said those girls are giving you something that your spouse isn't giving you. Jon said he agrees. He said that it does affect the spouse in some way.
Jon asked Ronnie if he agrees with that guy. Ronnie said that he brings his girl to the strip club so no one is getting hurt. He said she's not just doing it to please him. He said they have a great time when they're there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the road rage thing is bullshit. He said there's hardly any road rage when he's out driving. He said anyone who does is an unhealthy individual. He said it just makes them think that they're idiots. Jon said he does have road rage and he must be an idiot.
Gary said he had a guy come after him with a pipe once. He said that he just wants to get home on a Friday afternoon though. Jon said if you experience the LIE then you know what road rage is. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:10am.