|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how busy they were going to be today. Robin said he looks very chipper today. Howard said he knows she's saying that sarcastically. He said the hours he's working are crazy. He said he wasn't able to sleep last night. He said he had to go down and eat apples and carrot sticks last night when he wasn't able to sleep. He said he's trying to lose some weight. He said his knee hurts and he was barely walking this morning. He said he's got a lot of work to do for four pounds.
Howard said they say that smoking is better for you than sitting around all day. He said he might as well starts smoking. He said he doesn't like sitting. He said he knows some DJs stand up and do their show. He said he should have done that years ago. He said Scott Shannon is one of the guys who used to do that. Howard said that was pretty smart of him to do that. Howard asked if he's still on the air. He said he really doesn't know who is on the air. He said he used to be up on that stuff but not anymore. He had to subscribe to a service to find out who is on the air.
Howard said Scott had a pretty good career. He said he ran into the guy once and he wasn't very nice to him. He said he probably had good reason to be like that though. Howard said he knows he was probably dicky to the guy.
Howard said he couldn't sleep last night so he was watching some TV. He was watching Jewel in a movie where she played June Carter Cash. He said she was really good in it. Howard said he's not sure what channel it was on. Howard said she was very good though. He was going back and forth with that and the Liberace story. Robin asked how that was. She said she taped it but hasn't watched yet. Howard said it's really good. He said Michael Douglas as Liberace is actually good. He said at first it's hard to take but then you get used to it. Howard said that it's based on Scott Thorson's interaction with Liberace. He said it turns out that Liberace was kind of a scumbag. He had AIDS and didn't tell anyone. He just kept fucking. Howard said Scott comes off pretty good in the movie of course. Robin said Scott is actually in prison now. Gary said that's true and they got a phone call asking if they wanted an interview. Gary said he's in prison for credit card fraud.
Howard said he found out that Michael Douglas was playing piano in the movie so he thought he was really good. It turns out they put Michael's head on some other guy's body. Howard said it was amazing. He thought it was authentic looking. Howard said it's unbelievable what they can do now. Robin said they could do that to Howard and make him a rock and roll star. Howard said they tried but no one would let them put his head on their body.
Howard said Bobo was there. He picked up on him and Bobo was saying that he loved it. He said Beth has a great ass. He said she looked great there. Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn was there too. Bobo said she was great. Howard said they did a whole taped piece of Mariann over there. Howard said he has her on the phone too.
Howard said they taped a whole piece and Mariann started crying when they went to her. Mariann said that Howard told her not to come last week and she knew that they were there two weeks before. She said she kept that hush-hush. She said she hoped she didn't make any mistakes.
Howard said the Mariann piece went on a little too long. Mariann said they were at her house for 5 hours. Howard said she could be cut out of the whole show. He said they taped for 2 hours and they have to cut it down. Howard said someone said that he was kind of rude to Mariann over there. He said they did this beautiful piece on her and he realized that her apartment is covered in his memorabilia. Mariann said that's not the way it is. Howard said he commented on that and was trying to make a joke and people thought he was mean. He said that her house looked like a bomb hit it. He said he was complimented by the whole thing. Howard said he said some stuff about her and his fans too. Mariann said that all of the fans feel the same about him. She said that's all she was trying to say.
Mariann said that Katie read her blog and had her dance with Howard since that was one of her wishes. Howard said they had horrible music playing. He said Katie became obsessed and they found another song to dance with. Howard said he hates dancing. He said he thought it was funny at the time though.
Bobo said Howard looked really good on the show. Mariann said Beth looked wonderful too. She said she couldn't be nicer. Howard said he saw some of the clips and they were promoting the show a lot. Howard said that he asked her about her legs on the show because they were covered up.
Howard thanked Mariann and Bobo and hung up on Mariann. He hung up on Bobo a short time later after he asked about this talent show they were doing with Katie. Howard said he ended up standing out there talking to the audience while they were changing the set. Howard said they just kind of dragged him around like a dog. He said he thought it would be a 2 minute set up. Howard said the talent show was kind of funny but it was too long of a piece. He said they had him judging her staff. They gave up a $500 prize to a charity. Howard said Katie was all excited about it but he told her to calm down because it's just 500 bucks.
Howard said her idea was about wearing glasses with a camera in them. Howard said he was thinking it was a cool idea but it's nothing new. He said he knew about these glasses.
Howard played some audio of Lisa pitching this idea to Howard back stage and Howard keeps telling her to bring it up in the meeting. Howard said he was about to go on the Katie Couric show and Lisa was unstoppable. Howard said he kept telling her to bring it up in the meeting.
Howard said he likes Lisa's enthusiasm. He said he wasn't that annoyed back stage at the time though. Howard played more audio of Lisa talking to him about this stuff. Lisa came in and said she was sorry. She said she has so many ideas she can't even sleep.
Lisa said she can't let this GoPro camera idea go. She said she still thinks that he should do it. Gary said he's heard this idea over and over. He said she keeps bringing it up. Howard said two years ago Jeff Shick was aware of the glasses technology. He said Jeff sees all of this stuff before anyone. He said that they thought about putting them on him so people could see the world through his eyes. Lisa asked why he doesn't want to do it. Howard asked if he really has to explain it. Lisa said yes. Howard said the most interesting things to see would be things he'd want to keep private. He said that he can't walk around there and have a conversation with Fred that he wants private. Lisa said that she'd like to see the board and things like that. Howard said maybe some of that stuff is best left unseen. Howard said they do have the ability to do it but they're not just going to throw it in and have something boring. Lisa said they could edit. Howard said they were thinking of streaming and making it exciting for the audience. He said he wouldn't want to edit it. Howard said he's on it and the idea has been pitched many times by many people.
Lisa said she was sorry about that. She said that the Katie show was fun to be at. She told Howard she has a lot of ideas for the show and she can't let them go. She said it's a curse. Howard said it drives Gary crazy. He said that she's not a writer on the show so Gary is annoyed that she pitches this stuff and can't accept it when they turn her down.
Howard said one of Lisa's ideas is wild. He said he likes this one. Howard said this involves Ronnie. He said he's all for this one. He had Lisa pitch this idea. Lisa said Ronnie thinks that she really loves him and her idea was to get a certain number of tweets and if that number comes then she'll make out with Ronnie. She said she'll kiss him. Howard said she has to make out with him. Benjy said he was thinking it was a tongue kiss. Howard said that would work.
Howard said Lisa must be attracted to him in some way. Howard said he knew about this idea over at the Katie Couric Show. He said Gary already told him about it but Lisa was telling him about the idea. Howard said she doesn't have to worry about her ideas not being heard. Lisa said that she likes that feedback from him. Howard said that's fine. Gary told her no and said that the feedback is to come from him. He said he'll give her the feedback. Lisa said okay. Howard said maybe he can wear a GoPro camera while the kiss is happening. Howard said maybe they'll put one on her. Howard said maybe she can do that while skiing so the ideas are all together.
Howard asked Gary how this can happen. Gary asked how many tweets they need. Lisa said they were thinking 10,000 but she's not sure about the time frame. Lisa said they were thinking of starting at 7 and going to Robin's news or something. Lisa said they were thinking that they had to be unique. She said she's been talking to a company that can track them. Gary asked where she got the idea for this. Lisa said she saw the Weather Channel do something like this. She said they were going to turn up the fan in the studio if they got a certain number.
Howard said Lisa must want to make out with Ronnie on some level. Lisa said not really but she thought it would be good for the show. Howard said they should listen to a Ronnie sex tip while they're talking about this. Howard asked if Ronnie can feel her up too. Lisa said no to that. Howard played the sex tip from Ronnie who was talking about how to bite a chick's ass and lick it.
Howard said they should get Ronnie in there. He was busy downstairs getting guests though. Howard said he loves her ideas.
Howard asked when Lisa's book is coming out. She said it's out June 18th. She said she can't breath because she's got no control over anything. Howard said that's the world of Lisa. She told Howard to call her if he wants more ideas.
Robin said she can't wait to see her make out with Ronnie. Robin said they have to figure out how long the kiss is going to be. Howard said they'll get something for those 10,000 tweets. Howard said they have to get everyone to tweet it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the June Carter Cash thing was on Lifetime. The caller said he saw it too. He said that Jewel looked great and her tits looked great. Howard said those are natural. He said she's a very attractive person. The caller said her teeth looked great too. The caller asked if he can pitch something to him. Howard asked him to pitch it to Gary instead. The guy said he can't do that. He said that they have a limo company that will drive him to work and leave him alone the rest of the day. Howard said he has no idea what he's talking about. Robin said that it was probably a dig at Ronnie. Howard said he feels very dense for not getting that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should stick one of those camera's on Lisa G to see what she does all day. Howard wondered if anyone is going to buy her book. He said he doesn't want to stress her out. He said that she might be the next Sex and the City.
Howard said Ronnie must be downstairs getting Tan Mom or Katie Couric. He played another ''Sexy Tip from Ronnie the Limo Driver'' bit. Ronnie was talking about having a chick blowing you and how you rub their head so they will drink it all in when you finish. Howard said he wasn't sure what he was talking about in that. He had to replay it. Ronnie was talking about guys and girls blowing a guy. Howard said maybe he's a switch hitter.
Howard played another Ronnie clip where he talks about tying a chick to a bed so they can't close their legs. Then he talked about tickling her clit and getting them to squirt. Howard said you want to throw up after hearing these things.
Howard said he had another clip of Ronnie. He played that one and Ronnie was talking about biting a chick on the neck and then getting on top of her and getting the ride of your life. Howard asked how many tweets it would take to get her to make out with him. Robin said it would be like 10 billion. Robin said she loves how Ronnie talks about every woman moaning with him. She said that she's probably moaning to get away from him.
Robin asked if Ronnie has the goatee thing going so they can shave the Batman logo in. Howard said he'd like to do that next week when he's in Vegas.
Howard said that Howie Mandel was on The Tonight Show and Jay asked him about being on the show. Howard said they left his name out. Howard said Howie didn't mention him and he's forgotten to mention that on a few shows, not just with Jay. Howard said it's a little weird. Howard said Howie is going to bring this up to him out in Vegas. He said he thinks that all of the other judges are a little envious of him. He said it must be hard for all of them. He said he knows he's special. Howard said he thinks that Howie was reacting to the Jay Leno thing. Howard said he's not going to mention Howie anymore. He said he'll leave him out like Howie leaves him out.
Howard said there is one more Ronnie clip to play. He said they say this is the most disgusting of them all. Howard played the clip and Ronnie talked about who to deal with a squirter. He said you have to put a towel down and the girl will squirt like she's pissing but it's really not piss. He said that you'll end up taking a nice drink. Howard was cringing when he heard that. He said ''Oh my god.'' He said there's pissing and moaning and squirting in that one. Howard asked if there's any way to unhear that. He asked if they can remove that from his brain. Fred was cracking up at that. Gary said Dr. Harry Fisch discussed it on his show and said it's definitely urine when a woman squirts. Howard did his Ronnie impression and almost threw up talking about that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie really is awful. He said that he should be talking about eating out Richard Christy's ass or something. Robin said based on what she's heard she wouldn't be surprised if he would do that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Ronnie knows what he's talking about. She said that all of those tapes are right on the money. She said that women love that stuff. She said that everything he says is right on. She said Ronnie knows what turns a woman on. Howard said his wife doesn't like any of that stuff.
Howard asked the woman if she made love to Ronnie. She said she did not. She said that she was with someone once who did everything Ronnie talks about. Howard asked if she's a squirter. She said she's a 32 year old fan and she knows this stuff works. She said that Doctor doesn't know what he's talking about either. Howard and Fred were doing their impressions of Ronnie talking about the squirting thing. Howard was cracking up at what Fred was saying about him having windshield wipers on his glasses and things like that.
Howard replayed the squirting clip that Ronnie did. Ronnie came in and said that Doctor is wrong and it's not urine. Howard asked if he heard the Lisa G thing. Ronnie said she wants to fuck him in the worst way. He said he knows it. Howard said Lisa suggested that they get a certain number of tweets in a time limit that she'll make out with him. Ronnie said okay to that. Howard said she must want that to come true. Ronnie said she just wants to promote her book. He said he's up for it though. He said he'll grab her ass. Howard said he can't feel her up. Ronnie said she'll melt once he gets his tongue in her mouth. He said she'll melt. Fred said she'll look like the Gorton's Fisherman when he's done with her.
Howard took a call from someone who said that Ronnie's sex tips are great and accurate. He said he's been with a ton of girls and the tips all work. He said it drives the girls crazy. Howard said Ronnie was talking about a guy blowing a guy in the one about blow jobs.
Ronnie was telling Howard how to get a chick to squirt and how he drives women wild. Howard asked who he's driving wild. Ronnie said Stephanie for one. He said he's had his share of women. The caller told Ronnie that some women don't like finger penetration. He said that you can go down there to the pussy hole and work around the opening. He said that some women don't like the clit thing. Howard said he's going to throw up from these two.
Ronnie said he has a lot more tips coming. He said he will tell Howard when he records them. He said he's not allowed to tell Howard when he records them. He has a deal with Richard and Sal. Howard said this Dr. Fisch guy says that the squirting is just urine. Ronnie said the guy is a doctor on Howard 101, what kind of doctor could he be? Howard said he's got a point there. Howard said the squirting must stain the mattress. Ronnie said that it's not urine so it doesn't stain. He said that you end up drying the bed with a hair dryer but it doesn't stain. Howard said Dr. Fisch knows something about it. He said that Ronnie talked about drinking that stuff. Robin asked what it tastes like. Ronnie said he doesn't know but it's not piss. Ronnie said that it's not piss. Howard said he had to go to break after that. He said Tan Mom is there so they have to get to her.
Howard came back and talked up the Zeppelin song and then said that the Tan Mom is there. Howard said she's going to sing live for them today. He said she wrote a song about herself. Tan Mom came in and almost fell down. Howard asked if she was alright. Patricia said she's fine. Howard said that she's a fun woman. He said that's the one word that he'd pick to describe her. Patricia said she's happy. Howard said that Tan Mom became famous when she was falsely accused of... Tan Mom said that she can finally see Howard. Gary said she's confused about where she sat last time. She thought she wasn't able to see him.
Howard said that Patricia has gotten through this case she had against her about the child abuse thing. She was found not guilty of tanning her child. Patricia said that accusation was not true and it took a year to rectify it. She said that people should just live their own lives. She said she's gotten one person fired already and she's working on getting someone else fired.
Robin asked if she likes the fame. Patricia said that she doesn't give a damn about the fame. Howard asked what she thought of her song being played on the Conan O'Brien show. Patricia said she thought it was great. She said she's just having fun with this song because people made her out to be a horrible person. She said she didn't do it and now she's won. She said that this is to rub it in their faces.
Howard asked Patricia about this photo spread of her where she's topless. Howard asked if this is a new area for her. Patricia said that she's not performing nude. Howard asked what the nude pictures were. Patricia said someone took like 100 pictures of her and she has 5 kids. She said she doesn't give a crap about working out every second. He said the guy just threw the whole 100 pictures out there to sell. She said she was posing for him but you only take the best. She said he threw all of them out there. Patricia said that you live and learn.
Patricia said now she knows that this isn't her life. She said that she's learning how to deal with these things. Howard asked if her agent asked why she gave away these pictures for free. Patricia said that her agent is haggling with some people about her song being stolen. She said that TMZ had it and someone tapped in on it. Howard said the song is called ''It's Tan Mom'' and it's about her. Howard asked if it's hard to write a song about yourself. She said it is. Howard asked if she wrote the music or lyrics first. She said that they had a person writing the song with her. Patricia said someone stole it and threw it out all over the place. Howard said she really is living and learning.
Howard asked Tan Mom to perform her song for them. Patricia said she'd like to talk to Howard first. She said that she was never nude with the pictures they're talking about. Howard had the Howard TV guys show some of the pictures. Patricia said that those things are natural. Howard said she's got some rack on her. Howard asked how big they are. Patricia said she's declining that answer. Howard said ''good for you.''
Howard said they should have taken out anything she didn't like in that batch of photos. She said that guy just wanted to make money. She said that he told her not to tell her agent about that.
Howard said Patricia wanted to do a porn movie but Vivid turned her down. Howard asked why they turned her down. Patricia said she turned them down, not the other way around. She said that she knows the business and she knew she wasn't going to do that. Howard said she must want to have sex with other men. Patricia said that they're going to go over that. Howard said he thought she wanted to have sex with other men. Patricia said that she would never do it but she would hang out with a hot guy. Howard said he knows she's do it with Ray Liotta. Patricia laughed and said ''Oh shit.''
Howard said Tan Mom says she went to a party at Robert De Niro's house and she's friends with him. Patricia said she knows them but she's not close friends. Howard said she went to his house though. Howard said a lot of people would find that hard to believe. Patricia said she lived in L.A. for a while. Howard said he read that she kissed Robert on the face after having a discussion with him. She also claims that she went on a date with him years ago. Patricia said that he's just a friend. Howard said she never made love to him. Patricia said she's not going to answer that.
Howard read about this party she was at and how many celebrities where there. Howard said that Lindsay Lohan was there. Howard said that she didn't talk to Lindsay because she was busy talking to someone else. Patricia said she doesn't care about her.
Howard had Richard on the phone pretending to be Robert De Niro. Richard told Howard that she was at his house and they talked about his movies and things like that. Howard asked if that's true. Patricia said it is. She cut Richard off saying that he didn't sound like Robert. She said this is bullshit and she wasn't buying it. Howard said maybe that was Robert Duvall.
Howard said Patricia claims that she partied with Dennis Rodman. Patricia said that her boyfriend used to live down the block from Dennis' house. She said she never went out with Dennis. She said that she was attracted to him though. Howard asked shy she never slept with any of these guys. She said she could have but she didn't want to.
Howard asked what Patricia thinks of Dennis and his relationship with North Korea. Patricia said that she thinks it's ridiculous. Howard asked if he's not the right person to be talking to North Korea. She said it doesn't make sense.
Howard said Patricia is no longer tanning. She's only doing spray tanning. Howard said he heard that she has issues with her husband too. Patricia said he's annoying. She said she loves him but he annoys her. Howard said she's in a crisis. He said her fame is growing and she has to do something. Patricia said that you're going to have qualms and he's on her 24 hours a day. She said that she can't stand it. She said he's always aggravating her. Patricia said she doesn't get wrapped up in all of this stuff. Howard said maybe he's afraid of losing her to this fame. She said that she left him at home. Howard said she's there with some other guy. Patricia said that he's her friend and he's a singer. Howard said that she might want him. Patricia said he's just her friend. Howard asked if he wrote that song with her. She said he did.
Patricia asked Howard if he bought a house for $52 million. Howard said he did buy a house. Patricia asked what she's being paid and asked him to dig deep into his pockets. Patricia said that she's there at 5 in the morning to do this show. Howard said she should be paying him to have her on the show. Patricia said he's going to pay her. Howard said she should pay him. They went back and forth for a minute about that. Patricia said she's going to call his wife. Howard pretended to be Beth on the megaphone.
Gary came in and asked if she does other shows and if they pay her to be on. She said they don't. Gary asked if she asks every radio host what they make. She said she doesn't. Howard said maybe Gary should pay her. Gary gave her a dollar. Patricia told him not to be rude to her.
Howard asked Patricia to perform her single. She said she has a sore throat so she's not doing it. Howard said he's going to play the music and she's going to sing. Patricia told him to get Adam Barter in there to sing. Howard said he doesn't need him in there. Howard asked if it will make her feel more comfortable if he's in there. She said he's supposed to be there.
Howard picked up on Richard again. This time he was playing Beth. Richard asked what she wanted to ask her. Patricia told him to shut up. Patricia said that they were just goofing around. Howard let ''Beth'' go a short time later.
Gary brought in Adam the song writer. Howard asked if she comes on to him. Adam said he's gay but he lets her come on to him. He said that she has that omni sexuality and everyone wants to flirt with her. Adam said he's a singer and songwriter. He said he's been on the charts and he thinks doing this with her is more of a comedy. Howard asked if she's aware of that. Patricia said she is. Adam said that this is something she wanted to do to make herself funny.
Howard played the music and asked Patricia to sing the song. Patricia wasn't doing it. Adam was singing to get her started. She didn't even know the words. Howard said Adam wrote this. Adam said he did. Howard told Patricia to sing her song. She needed her lyrics to do that. Howard said that's pretty funny that she doesn't know the words. Patricia said she odes know the words. She had to have her iPad there to read the lyrics.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him to get this cunt off the air. He said this is a train wreck. Patricia asked who the fuck he is. The caller said they're not going to pay her. Patricia told him to go pump gas and not fuck with her. She told him to shut the fuck up. Howard said that might be another song for her to perform. The ''Shut the Fuck Up'' song.
Howard took a couple more calls from people telling her to get off the air and shut the fuck up herself. Howard had her try to do her song again. She did the same thing she did without the lyrics. Then she started to get into it and started to sing. Howard cut her off saying he had heard enough. Robin said that music really isn't her thing. Patricia said she knows that and that's why Adam sings for her.
Robin asked what she's promoting. Howard said she's promoting her song ''It's Tan Mom'' which is up on iTunes now. Adam said they have sold a few thousand songs. Patricia said that they sold like 30,000. Adam said he didn't think it was that high. Adam said he did the song with Octomom last year and it got on the billboard charts.
Patricia said that she didn't know all of the words. Robin said she didn't know any. Patricia told her to shut up. She said she got her a present and this is the way she's treated.
Howard said Sal is attracted to Tan Mom. He said Sal said he would fuck her hard. Howard asked if she wanted to meet him. She asked where he was. Howard had Sal come in. Howard said that Sal told them that she'd fuck her so hard.
Sal came in and said he was all dressed up for her today. Sal said he got such an erection for her. He said he saw her tits and a little vagina and he was so turned on. He said she's a sensation and he hopes she comes out with a sex tape. He said he will cum all over her face and tan vagina if he sees that. Sal said his penis is getting big right now. He said when he was 11 his aunt fondled him and she reminds him of her. Sal said her legs are long and delicious and he'd lick her ankles and drink her juice. Adam said he's sincere because he's heard him before.
Sal asked Patricia if she's a squirter. She had no idea what he was talking about. She didn't sound interested in this. Patricia asked where Robin is. Howard said she ran out of the room when she heard she was going to be on. Sal asked Patricia if she would be his mom. She said of course she would. Sal went over to her and said that she smells like cigarettes and tanning cream. He was on her lap and Howard said they were hitting it off. Sal asked if he could show her his penis. He said it's a cute penis. Patricia didn't want to see it. Sal showed it to her anyway. He asked if she was turned on. Patricia said very much so. Sal said he wanted to breathe in her ear. He went over and did that to her. Patricia kept yelling out for Howard's wife.
Howard gave Patricia some plugs for her stuff. They plugged some doctor who is going to fix her teeth and get her new implants. Howard asked why she would do that if she has nice ones now. Patricia said that Adam is the guy that helped her out with the song and all of that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said her voice is really turning him on. Howard asked if she would date a black guy. She said that she would. She said he's cute after seeing a picture the guys at Howard TV put up. King said he's going to pick her up and take her out in a new Lexus.
Howard hung up on him and asked if Katie Couric is going to be wearing the same headset. Howard said they'll switch them out. Howard thanked Patricia for coming in. He said he can't wait to see the new you after her teeth are fixed. Patricia thanked Adam for writing the song and Howard wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and said on Wednesday he went and did the Katie Couric show and today she's returning the favor by coming to this show. Katie came in a short time later. Howard asked how it feels being up at this hour. She said she feels great. Katie said it's a great day and she feels great being there.
Howard asked Katie what her schedule is like and asked if she's doing a taping today. Katie said she is not. She said she has a few more this week. Howard said he was shocked that they taped for 3 hours last week. He said they did 2 hours of an interview but they'll only air one hour. Katie said that you never know how good a guest is going to be and they went overboard but Howard gave them such great material. Howard said he had a fabulous time doing her show. Katie said that it was fun and serious too. She said they had some good conversations about things.
Howard said it's hard doing a show like that with an audience. Katie said that it's a mixed bag with an audience. She said that Howard turns and talks to the audience and for some it's energizing. She said that when it's one on one there is an intimacy between two people. Howard asked what time it's on in New York. She said it's on at 3 in New York but the show is syndicated so it's on at all different times around the country. Katie said it's hard to start a show in this current climate with the fragmented media landscape the way it is. She said that it's hard to have a show on at any time of day.
Howard asked if she could do what Oprah did in her day. Katie said she's not sure about that. Katie said that it's a wonderful platform to have. She said that she likes the variety of things they do on her show. She said she did one last week where they talked to the military about PTSD and things like that. Howard asked if she worries that the ratings will go down with a subject like that. Katie said that's in the back of her mind. She said she wants to cover things that don't get enough air time. She said this is what she's curious about so that's what she's going to cover.
Howard asked Katie if her staff talks to her about it when the ratings go down. She said they do but she doesn't feel this pressure to get more viewers or make whatever.
Howard said Katie has had a charmed life. He said that she got out of college and got a job. Katie said that was just a desk job and it wasn't that great. She said she had to bug them to hire her. She said that she had to figure out how to get upstairs to say hello to the deputy bureau chief at ABC news. Katie said she had to call up to another guy and talk her way up there.
Howard asked Katie about her dad being a journalist. Katie said he was for a while but then he had to do something else to make more money. She said he was very proud of her though. She said she really had to work her way up though. Howard said guys like Dan Rather gave her such crap. Katie said that he had been very kind to her over the years. She said that she thinks that he was colored by the bad experience he had at CBS. Howard said Dan said that she was being brought in to ''tart it up'' on the news. Howard said that was awfully archaic thinking. Katie said it was but what are you going to do. Howard asked if she's run into him since then. She said she hasn't. Katie said she thinks that she'd be cordial to him if she did.
Howard said Andy Rooney sandbagged her too. Katie said Les Moonves brought her in over there and she thinks that the people there are very loyal to the people who work there and she was an outsider.
Howard said Katie came in at a high salary for the news and people were upset about that. Howard said they undermined her.
Howard said that when she did her interview with Sarah Palin he thought it was great. He said that he has watched it like 50 times. He said it's like a lesson on how to interview someone. Katie said when it aired she didn't get a lot of criticism at all. She said people thought it was fair and she didn't sand bag her or anything. She said the questions weren't ''gotcha'' questions at all. Howard asked if she went in with the attitude that she wasn't a bright woman. Katie said it wasn't like that. She said she went in thinking about how she wasn't very well known. Katie said she wanted to know more about her thoughts on a lot of things. She said she approached it like someone who wasn't that well known.
Howard asked about what happened after the Palin interview aired. Katie thought that people who supported her would blame her for the questions she asked and excuse anything that she said. Howard asked how anyone voted for her after that. Katie said she thinks there were a lot of people on the fence for her. She said she was like a politician that was very accessible to people. Howard asked if she thinks that she was responsible for Obama winning. Katie said she wasn't. Katie said she thinks that people were worried that she was going to be so close to being president and worried about John McCain's decision process.
Katie told Howard that they did a walk and talk with Sarah Palin once. She said that she wants to find out how these people became the way they are. Howard said that her question was a softball question. He said she just asked what Sarah reads in the morning. Katie said she was very defensive about the questions she was asking. She said that she could have said she reads every newspaper in Alaska. Howard said he doesn't think that she reflects on anything she says. He said that it's very simple for her.
Robin asked if she has seen her since. Katie said she hasn't but they have asked her to come on her show. Robin said that would be great. Katie said it would be very different now since she's not running for office. Howard said they'd probably sit there and do a nicer interview. He said he thinks that it might ruin everything.
Howard asked Katie what she's doing about the Today show controversy. Howard said she has to step in and straighten it out. Katie said that she didn't know she was supposed to do something. Howard said he heard that she was thinking about going back and doing the show with Matt again. Katie said she and Matt had talked about teaming up at some point. She said there were some cautious overtures to come back to the Today show but they evaporated. Katie said she loved the ensemble cast over there. She said they had a special relationship. She said she even enjoyed working with Bryant Gumbel. She said that she saw him out the other night. Howard said leaving the Today show was the worst decision for him. She said that there is a season for everything. Howard said that she made chemistry happen with him. Katie said he was pretty prickly and challenging. Katie said he was very set in his ways. Katie said she wanted a 50/50 split in the work there. She said that she didn't want to be the one doing the lighter fare there and she ended up settling on a 52/48 split instead.
Howard asked Katie why she thinks that the Today show is failing and Good Morning America is winning. Katie said that they might be having a lighter and more fun time over there right now. The Today show has been through some stuff and viewers have been through all of that and they might want that more fun feeling from GMA.
Howard asked what the right way is to fire someone from a show like that. Katie said that sometimes people have a problem being direct with someone like that. She said Ann Curry has done a lot of great work for NBC. She said she has carved a niche for herself and she thinks there are a lot of cowards working in every industry. Howard said he thinks she's right about that. Howard said maybe it wouldn't seem so ugly if they were more honest.
Katie said sometimes you go out on a date with a person and it doesn't feel right. She said the show is about the banter and the exchanges between the people on the show. Howard said Katie and Matt (Lauer) had that. Howard asked if Katie and Bryant talked off the air at all. She said that they did. She said that Bryant cared about the product and she respects that. Howard asked why she hasn't had lunch with him. Katie said they just don't see each other. She said he lives in Florida part of the year.
Howard said Katie replaced Deborah Norville who had the whole thing worked out. Howard said she failed though. Katie said she didn't fail. She said Deborah was publicly humiliated and it's a tough thing to take.
Howard asked Katie if she's turned off to FOX News and how they have a slant on the news. Katie said she likes to see the many views that people have. Howard said every woman on FOX has big boobs and short skirts. Katie said there does seem to be a type over there and Roger Ailes must know what he wants there.
Howard said Katie's legs are very nice and he talks about that in his interview on her show. Howard said they put her legs on TV to get more ratings. Katie said she's not sure about that. She said they were just trying to make the news less formulaic. She said that when she went over to CBS it was too jarring to people. She said that she should have been more formal and maybe change things slowly. Katie said she was thinking about having dinner with Walter Kronkite and how supportive he was of her at the time. She said that she felt honored to be in that chair he was in for so long.
Howard asked Katie if she's happy now. She said she thinks this show is a much better fit for her. Robin said she was in a very stressful situation at the time.
Howard said when the ratings aren't stellar then they start in with you. He said they make suggestions. Howard asked if she got that. Katie said that she got a spike in the ratings and then things settled down to what they were before she came. Katie said she really focused on the work just trying to do good pieces. She said she did a weekly web show for CBS online. Howard said he doesn't even know who anchors the news at CBS now. Katie said it's Scott Pelly.
Katie said people consume news when they want to now. She said they don't have to tune in at any specific time of day. Katie said that in the evening news you don't need to tune in if you're checking the web all day. She said they do a great job of reporting the news though. Howard said that's why he doesn't know who anchors the news now. He said he doesn't need to tune in at night like he used to.
Howard said he admired that Katie did the colonoscopy thing on air. He said he didn't know anything about colonoscopy thing before that. Katie said she did that and also had a mamography on air too. Howard said his dad had a colonoscopy and he was awake at the time. Howard said his dad is pretty stoic and he said he could never go through that kind of pain again. Howard said he never wanted to do one because of that. He said when Katie did one he figured that the process has changed and it's not painful like that. Katie said that she heard they had a 20 percent increase in colonoscopies after that show aired. She said that she can't imagine that procedure without being knocked out. Howard said his dad won't get one because of that. Katie told Howard that he should get one and so should his mom.
She said that her husband died at 42 because of that. She lost an older sister to cancer as well. Katie told Howard about that and how she found out about her sister. She thought that it was her parents but it turned out to be her sister who had pancreatic cancer. She said that she was 52 when she was diagnosed and 54 when she died.
Howard said that's so devastating. Katie said it was for all of them but especially her parents. Katie said that she has two sons and one of them lived with them for a while. She said that he just directed the movie Kick Ass 2.
Howard asked Katie about when she started dating after her husband passed. Katie said it was like a year and a half later. She said she had two young kids at home and she never thought she'd be in a Carol Brady kind of situation. Katie said she had someone who would watch her kids and she was like a second parent to her. She said her kids turned out great and Laurie Beth was part of that. She said that she's living her own life now. Katie said that she was like a second parent and not really a nanny. Katie said the kids are still in touch with her. She said she wishes that they stayed in better touch with her but the girls are caught up in their own lives at this point.
Howard asked if her husband made a tape to talk to the girls or anything. Howard said that's what he would do for them. He said he'd fear that they'd never know him. Katie said she remembers going with Jay to a movie premiere called ''My Life'' and it was where Michael Keaton made movies about his life. Katie said that movie just killed her. She said that they never gave up hope and didn't talk much about Jay dying. Katie said when you're in that situation you have to hold on to hope with all of your being. She said if they had made a tape then it would be giving in. Katie said he had things going on in his brain and she said they would figure it out and take care of it. She said if she had asked for a tape then it would have been terrible. She said they never did that.
Katie said they had a house that she said she didn't think she'd be able to come to again if he wasn't there. She said that he told her that he hoped it would be filled with happy memories. She said that she sold that house a couple of years after he died. Katie said he was into Civil War memorabilia but she refused to dress up like he would. She said that Jay liked history and he would study that stuff. She said he liked the battle strategy and things like that.
Howard asked at what age she got married. Katie said she was 31. She said that she had to get her career going before that. Katie said Jay was there at the right time for her. She said he was wicked smart too. Howard said he would be intimidated to date her. He said she's really smart. She said she's not that smart. Howard said she really is. He said that she can be very quick too. He said he's seen her turn on people. Howard said when he used to read about her dating Larry King it blew him away. Howard said he found it hard to believe she could be into him at all. Katie said she talked to Jimmy Kimmel about that. She said she told him that she was going to go out with anyone who asked her out. She said that Larry asked her out to dinner and it was so comical. She said his recollection of the night is much different than her's. Howard said Larry is pretty direct.
Katie told Howard that Larry did take her back to his place but she had to get out of there. She said that she told him that he was a nice person but she wanted to meet someone closer to her age. Howard said being sexual with her would be difficult because she's Katie Couric. Howard said that she's so direct with people. Katie said she's really a girly girl. She said she's not sure if people would agree with that.
Howard asked Katie if she was nervous to take her clothes off in front of a new guy. He asked if she worked out because of that. Katie said she was a little more discrete than that. Howard asked if the guys were using her for her money. Katie said she thinks that she's a pretty good judge of character. Howard asked why no one has written a book about having sex with her. Robin said she picked the right guys. Howard asked if she has to be careful with the guys she dates because of her daughters. Katie said she has to trust people. Howard asked if she would ever have a f-buddy. She said she doesn't think so. Katie said that her daughters are growing up and one just graduated college. Howard said he's very happy in his marriage. He said that you feel like family when you marry. Katie said there is something about the institution that makes you try harder. She said she is dating someone now and she's in love with him.
Howard said he kidded Katie about her display of affection at a baseball game. Howard said it looked very intimate to him. He said that it looked like they were connecting and no one was watching the game. Howard said it looked like she could get pregnant just from that. Katie said that train has left the station. She said she's 56 now and that won't happen. Howard asked if she is going to get any plastic surgery. Katie said she will not but she has dabbled in Botox. She said that it's the lighting on the show that makes her look so good.
Howard said he thought he looked awful on her show. Katie said he's too hard on himself. Howard said he's seen who she has dated and that one guy, Brooks, looked like a pretty boy. Katie said she has dated all kinds of guys. Robin said she dated Larry King.
Howard said he loves that Katie and Matt aren't so loved now. He said it makes him feel good. He said he does like Katie's new show though. He said he enjoyed the taping.
Howard said Katie is Jewish. He said her mom is Jewish so she's Jewish. Katie said she knows that. She said that she was raised Presbyterian. Katie said her mother wasn't very religious and there weren't a lot of Jewish kids in her school either. She said that there were two.
Howard said that Katie got upset with Donald Trump over the birther thing during the election. Katie said that he got carried away with that stuff. Howard asked if she worries about talking about him and if he's overly sensitive to that stuff. Katie said that she doesn't know if he even knows what she said about him.
Howard asked Katie if she has a lot of celebrity friends. Katie said she still has friends from high school. She said that 5 of her high school friends are coming to her house on the beach this summer.
Howard said he saw Katie at a party and she didn't come up to him. Katie said she wanted to talk to him but she was nervous. She said next time she'll go right up to him and sit next to him to have a talk.
Howard asked Katie about Michael Jackson asking her out. Katie said that was through Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. She said that he came to her and asked if she was dating anyone. She said she was and Shmuley told her that Michael said that's the type of girl he'd like to go out with. Howard said that's an insult. Howard said that's very strange too. Katie said that he may have been looking at getting some normalcy in his life and maybe that's where that came from. She said it wasn't long after Jay died. She said she kind of regrets not being able to go out and talk to Michael Jackson. She said that whole thing is very sad. She said that fame can be a dangerous thing.
Katie told Howard about dating and what that was like with the kids. She said it was a balancing act. She said it wasn't easy. Katie said her current boyfriend is very good about that. She said he has his own kids and he doesn't pressure her kids. She said he didn't rush it either. Howard said maybe this is the guy for her. Howard said he seems to hit all the right buttons. Howard asked how the kids handle him sleeping over. She said that her youngest is 17 so she gets it.
Robin said that Katie is incredibly philanthropic. Howard said she's really not. Howard said they had that talent contest and gave away $500 for a charity. Howard said that's nothing. He said she's so cheap. Robin said she's seen her in action and she gives up her time and herself to charity. Katie said she's very low key about the whole thing.
Howard said Katie dated Bob Saget. Katie said it was just one date. Howard said Bob is a good guy but he dates a lot of women. Katie said Bob never called again. Katie said she went out with Jeff Probst once too. She said he never called her back either. Howard said he's going to give her a gift and ask Saget and Probst why they never called her back. Katie said he doesn't have to do that. She said that they were very nice guys. Howard said he'd worry that something was wrong with him if a woman didn't call him back. Katie said maybe the magic just wasn't there. Howard said that it can be fun dating different guys so that's a very healthy thing to have. Howard asked if she has guy friends. Katie said of course she does.
Howard said he has Jeff Jarvis on the phone. Jeff said this has been a great interview. He said he wanted to get some advice for Howard from Katie. Jeff said that Howard gets such great interviews from people and he feels like Howard wants to do a one hour show on TV. Howard said he had that chance with ABC but he had to back out of it. He said the ABC News team didn't want him around.
Howard said that Katie's Q rating must be really high. Katie said she thinks that everyone is polarizing.
Katie told Jeff that Howard is a fun interview. Katie said that sometimes she gets questions that are so uninteresting and uncreative. She said that they're so predicable. Howard said that's why late night TV shows are so bad. Howard said he would not do pre-interviews. He said that he didn't do one with Katie's people. He said he loved going along with whatever Katie had for him. Katie said that some late night interviews are very orchestrated and planned. Katie said she thought it was interesting when Howard told her that. She said that not everyone is as interesting as Howard is though so sometimes you do have to do a pre-interview.
Howard said he's looking forward to seeing Katie's show today. Howard said he'd like the full two hours to put on Howard TV. Katie said they'll make use of it somehow. She said she hopes it's fun to watch today.
Howard asked Katie if they'll ever see her in a bikini. Katie said they can be kind of scary on her. She said she'll wear a two piece once in a while. Howard said he hopes that the Paparazzi finds her somewhere. Katie said she hopes they don't. Robin told Howard not to send them on that mission.
Howard gave Katie some plugs for her show and said you can see some video of him on her web site KatieCouric.com. Howard took a quick call from Bobo who called her a hot cougar. Howard quickly let him go and then went to break.
Howard got in a plug for the Hottest Chick / Biggest Fan contest they have going on. You can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Robin asked what's up with Tan Mom because she didn't understand one thing she was saying. Howard said the guys want to get her back in there already.
Howard said that the people at Starz got him the third season of Spartacus. He said that Cinemax sent him the second season of Strike Force too. He said that was very good as well. Robin said she thought it was called Strike Back. Howard said she's right. Howard said it is Strike Back. He said he loves that show. Howard said the first season is better than the second but he will watch a third season.
Howard said there is a Behind the Scenes show on Howard TV about Scott DePace. Doug said that it starts airing today actually. Howard said there's a clip of Benjy kicking at DePace and then Scott chases him. He said it's worth checking out.
Howard said some guy from TheWeek.com wrote a nice article about him. He thanked the guy for that. Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants his opinion of Chicago and why he didn't come to Carson's ribs. Howard said he liked Chicago and he only got one night to go out. He said he was working the rest of the time he was there. He said the people were great there and the talent was the best there too. The caller said they appreciate him coming out there. Howard said it was an incredible time out there. Howard said they had too many good people there. He said they had a lot of weird novelty acts and things like that.
Howard asked how everyone did on Memorial Day. Robin said the weather wasn't that great most of the weekend but yesterday was nice. Howard said you're supposed to think about the soldiers and the people who have served. Howard said if you followed him around you'd think it was the day to jerk off to doctor / patient porn. He said he searched out teacher / student porn and he didn't like it so much. Howard said he heard about a new porn site but he didn't want to start in with a new site. He said he had to search through like 50 pornos before finding one he liked.
Howard said he heard that Brad Pitt suffers from a memory disorder where he can't remember people's faces. Howard said he must have that too. He said that's called narcissism. Robin said he used to remember before he got famous. Howard said he's sure Angelina is saying ''poor you... I just got my tits chopped off.'' Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said Jennifer Hudson is going to be a host on American Idol. He said that pisses him off because she used to be a contestant. Howard said that takes away the judging mystique. Howard said you can't bring people back for something like that. Robin said she thinks they've lost track of what makes a good judge. Howard said it's very difficult to be a good judge.
Howard said they should start the news. He said he's exhausted. He said he's like that every day. Howard said he can't sleep and the only way to get to sleep is to eat.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Drew and Mike in Detroit were just taken off after 22 years on the air. Howard said he's heard their names but he doesn't know their act. The caller said it was kind of like Howard's show. He said they got taken off the air after some other guy beat them in the ratings. The caller said the guy's name was like Chuck the Freak or something like that. Howard thought the guy meant that Drew and Mike were against him when he was on WWWW but the guy was talking about when Howard was syndicated there.
Howard said a lot of radio guys get upset when he says he doesn't know their act. Howard said Bubba used to tell him he was full of shit when he said he never listened to his show. Howard asked where Bubba is and what he's up to now. He said he loves that guy. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard said that everyone seems to have Pitbull making appearances in songs all over the place. Gary said he's not that young of a guy either. Howard said he feels that these people are looking for street cred and they use Pitbull to get that. Gary said they were talking about Pitbull the other day in the pitch meeting. Gary said he had some interesting stuff going on in his life. Howard said he has to be banging some of the chicks he's doing songs with.
Robin got to her news and read a story about a guy who wants to make a movie about Hillary Clinton. Robin said that they're looking for someone to play Hillary. Howard said maybe Jewel. Howard said she was great in that movie he mentioned earlier. Howard said maybe Meryl Streep. Robin said she might be too old. Howard said he's going with Jewel. Robin said this producer has a short list including Scarlett Johansson, Reese Witherspoon, Amanda Seyfried, Jessica Chastain and others. Howard jokingly said they asked Bill Clinton and he suggested Crystal Hefner and said he'd be on set as a consultant.
Robin said Bernie Kerik is getting out of prison today. Howard said prison had to be a bitch for a former police commissioner. Robin said he's very thin now. They spent a short time on that and then Howard read a live commercial.
Robin got back to her news and read about how Paul Giamatti is going to be the villain in the new Spider-Man movie. Robin said he's playing Rhino. Howard said he's not that familiar with that character. He said they can't fuck up that movie. Howard said he got a note saying Mark Webb directed the last one. Howard said he must be losing it because he thought ''the last one'' was a movie. They were talking about the last Spider-Man movie.
Robin read about a documentary that's coming out about Richard Pryor on Friday. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard said that Charlie Sheen is changing his name to Carlos Estevez for a new movie that's coming out. Howard asked if Fred is inspired to change his name back to the original because of that. Fred said something joking around and Howard didn't get the joke. Howard said he could talk to Fred as Ronnie all day long but Fred as Fred is hard to talk to.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Ronnie sex tips stuff and got Fred doing his impression of him. The guy said that Ronnie talking about tying a chick up and touching her clit sounds more like rape to him.
The caller said that Tan Mom's voice was awful. Howard said the pictures of her topless appeared and he thought they were vile. He said Sal said he would so fuck her based on those pictures. Howard asked Sal to come in. Howard said Sal had her in his lap earlier in the morning.
The caller asked if they could get Evil Dave an IQ test. Howard said he'd like to but he doesn't seem to be available that often. Howard said Dave was at the Chicago tapings. Howard said he was yelling stuff out for no reason.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to thank them for years of joy and laughter. The caller asked if they consider Tan Mom a Wack Packer now. Howard said she might be too big for that. He said she's no Beetlejuice. The caller said they had that singer from the Subway talent contest and he sounds like an old session singer.
Robin read a story about a Royal Caribbean cruise ship that caught fire. Robin said now it's limping back into port. Robin said she's not sure she'd want to waste her time on a cruise if it won't work out.
Howard said Fast and Furious 6 beat The Hangover III this weekend. Gary said he read that they did like $98 million. Fred said it was like the biggest opening weekend that Universal has ever had. Gary said he just got the information and Fast and Furious did $120 million while The Hangover did $50 million. Robin said they opened that movie a day early too. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard said there was a lot of news over the weekend. Howard said that the real news should have been about Richard Christy being able to taste 5 out of 6 beers correctly with his ass.
Howard said in New Jersey they found dirty water and rubbing alcohol in booze in bars. He said Richard could probably tell the difference.
Howard said some guy at McDonald's some guy got a worm in his burger and he was freaking out. Howard said he shouldn't care about that based on what they put in their food. Howard said it was actually in a Egg McMuffin.
Robin read a story about a Papa John's pizza place where these two employees were making racial slurs about a customer and the customer heard them. Robin said that she had some audio of the offending call. It was very hard to understand. Howard said he would just hang up if he heard that. Robin said the two employees were fired and the CEO of Papa John's posted an apology on Facebook. Howard said he's shocked by that and by the fact that Fast and Furious made $120 million.
Howard said he heard that the God Hates Fags people had their web site hacked. Benjy said they redirected it to some charity for Oklahoma. He said he didn't think it was right of them to do that. Howard had to do another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a guy who went to a WalMart and was questioned about the kids he was with. They were a bi-racial family and someone thought they might be kidnapped. Robin asked Howard what he would do if he saw that. Howard ended up changing subjects and said that Jerry Lewis opened up his big mouth again about female comedians and how he doesn't find them funny. Howard said he likes to hear Jerry talk. He had some audio of Jerry being questioned and talking about women on stage and how it bothers him to see it. Jerry said he doesn't know why but they annoy him. He was asked who his favorite female comedians were and he said Carry Grant and Burt Reynolds.
Howard said that Jerry had a movie he never put out called ''The Day the Clown Cried'' or something like that. Howard said a guy asked Jerry why they'd never see that movie. Howard had the audio of that too. Jerry was asked about the clown movie and Jerry said that it will stay in the vault. Jerry said he thought the work was bad so that's where it will stay. Jerry said he wrote and directed the film and it didn't make anything. He said it was all bad. He said he lost the magic and that's all he can tell him about it. He said no one will ever see the movie because he can't get paid for poor work. Howard said he thought that was really honest. Robin said she didn't think he had the ability to self edit like that. Howard said he thinks that Jerry thought it was great and someone told him it was shit and he finally listened. Howard said he could listen to Jerry all day long. He likes some of his old films. He said he loved him with Dean Martin. He thought they were the greatest.
Robin read about a couple who put their daughter in a dog cage in the back of their pickup truck. Robin said that they claimed that the girl wanted to be with their small dog. Howard said if you're a shitty parent you just say okay to that.
Robin read about a guy who was arrested during an Alaskan air line flight after he tried to open an emergency door during flight. Robin said he was arrested last night. Robin said that the passengers all took him down before he could do anything.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he was touching himself during the Tan Mom or Katie Couric interviews this morning. Howard said he was fascinated with her phone connection. He said it sounds like the phone was just invented last week. Howard did an impression on that and said he has to remember not to pick up on that caller, Red Gypsy. He said there's always something odd about her calls.
Robin read about how Australia came in first for the happiest people in the world. Robin said the United States came in 6th.
Robin said in the national spelling bee you have to know the word and the definition of the word. Robin said that will be 50 percent of the score now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he logged on to see the episode of Howard's interview and they're not showing his episode. He said that's what's going on in Jacksonville, Florida. He said they're showing something about teen drugs instead of Howard's interview. Howard asked what it is about him that drives people fucking crazy. The caller said he tried to call in and complain but he just got a message. Robin said they should call. Howard said he should. Howard asked who he offends so much that they won't show that. The caller said it's the Baptist media down there. Howard said he's dumbfounded and speechless. Howard said that's a fucking story right there. Robin said she didn't see that coming. Howard said he tried to tell Katie about that on her show. He said he's very polarizing.
Gary said that Katie's show doesn't air until 3pm in Jacksonville so maybe the guy is seeing the wrong show. Howard asked what they're supposed to air. Gary said it doesn't say. Gary said that Jon Hein is looking at the TV guide and it says it's the Howard interview. Howard said who cares anyway.
Robin said that Donald Trump says he's going to run for President in 2016. Howard said he keeps saying he's going to run but he doesn't run. Robin said he always bails out. Howard said he's announcing for 2020 then. Howard said he wishes he would do these announcements on his show.
Robin said President Obama is returning to the Jersey Shore to see the recovery efforts there. Robin said that Governor Chris Christie will welcome him back. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon asked if she felt it was a lack of respect toward Gary. Lisa said that she was just talking to Howard and she never gets any face time with him like the other guys do. Lisa said that she has always been an idea person and she has usually kept them inside. Lisa said she feels it's a good opportunity to get them out with everyone and it's been very exciting for her.
Jon asked if she gets frustrated when her ideas get turned down. Lisa said that everyone does. She said she won't let go of her ideas though. She said she's like a little kid.
Jon said he couldn't tell if Howard was telling her nicely not to do that. Lisa said she won't ever do that again. She said she would like to have face time with him like once a week but she knows she won't get that. Lisa said that working the way they do there is new for her. She said they would brainstorm daily when she did her radio show. Lisa said they work differently there. She said she's new to that process there. Lisa said Sal gave her some advice and she gets it now. She said it's still kind of new to her.
Jon asked Lisa what she thought about Ronnie's sex tips. Lisa said she's having second thoughts about kissing him. She said that they had a brainstorming meeting with Benjy and they were throwing ideas around about what to do. Lisa said Benjy wanted her to play the violin but then she thought of the making out thing. She said she would rather do that than play the violin. Lisa said she thinks that Ronnie looks great for his age and he's fun. She said that he has a girlfriend 30 years younger than him. She said she doesn't want to have sex with him though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said no one wants to hear her play violin. Jon said he's not sure about that. Lisa said that the Ronnie thing is more fun.
Jon asked Lisa what she thinks about Jon Leiberman's rapping compared to her violin playing. Lisa said that she doesn't have the time to get better but it's not going to happen right now. She said she's in a chamber ensemble but she's not great. She said she just isn't that good.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if she's testing the waters with Ronnie and maybe she'll take it further if she likes it. Lisa said it's just a kiss and that's all it will be. Lisa said the first time you kiss someone it's not that easy. Steve Brandano asked if she's just going to get a peck on the cheek. Lisa said there will be the use of tongue. Steve said it sounds funny but they have the feeling that it's not going to be that great. Steve said they think that she'll just stick out her tongue and said ''Oh we did it'' and then laugh.
Jon said Artie went full bore with Blue Iris when he made out with her. He said no one was sure how that was going to work but Artie went for it. He said that Ronnie and Lisa might do that too. Steve said he could say that he's going to make out with High Pitch Mike and then just back out at the last second.
Gary came in and asked Lisa what this kiss is going to be. Lisa said it will be a kiss. She said that it's going to be a real kiss. Gary said he knows she's just trying to sell a book. Lisa said she wasn't the one who brought this up. Gary asked her why she'd be doing this now if she's not looking to promote her book. Lisa said that the timing of it is interesting but the Weather Channel just did this promotion and that's where she got the idea to do the twitter thing. Lisa told Gary how she came up with the kiss idea. Gary said no one has bothered to ask Ronnie's girlfriend. Steve said they already said it would be okay as long as it's with Lisa G.
Jon asked Gary how he felt that Lisa went around him to pitch her idea to Howard. Gary said there is a process they do there and she has to go with that. He said that if the idea has gone through the process and it doesn't get through, don't go to Howard with it. Lisa said she knows that. She said she won't do that again. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie if he saw her pitching to Howard back stage. Ronnie said he did see her doing it and he found it weird. He said he was about to go on the air and she was talking to him about her ideas.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's up for the kiss. Ronnie said he doesn't get her. He said she's got a book coming out so now she has to come on and talk. He said she's tweeting out her dates for her book signing and now this comes up out of nowhere. Ronnie said that she can't say she wants to do this. He said he doesn't believe she's doing it for the show. He said he thinks that she really wants to see what it's like to kiss him. Lisa laughed at him. She said that's what she loves about Ronnie.
Gary said Ronnie felt that she'd melt in his arms. Ronnie said he has a free pass for her and she can do anything she wants with him. Ronnie said that she needs 10,000 Twitter followers and now she's bringing him into it. He said there are a million other things that she could do. Gary said he thought she didn't want to make out with him so that's why she's doing it. Ronnie said people want to hear her play the violin. Gary said he's rather see her make out with Ronnie. He said he just wants to see her make out with a dude.
Jon said he knows that Ronnie is into Lisa. Ronnie said he's been talking about her for years. He said she knows it's true. Jon asked if he was happy about the way the tips came out. Ronnie said they're great. Jon said in one he was talking about drinking urine. Ronnie said it's not urine, get that through your head.
Gary also asked about he way Ronnie was talking about the girl blowing him and how he had it from a guy's point of view. Ronnie said he was describing how he would feel. Lisa blurted out that she had to go and walked out. Ronnie said she just doesn't want to hear this. He kept trying to explain what he was talking about with that blow job tip. He said Lisa can't take it. He said she has her standards there and he thinks things would be different if one of them didn't work there. Ronnie said he's not sure she'd want to be a couple but he's sure she'd want to get hit. They had to take another break after that.
Jon said that Sal wasn't joking around about being into her. Tan Mom didn't even believe it. Gary said she started kissing his neck and she was into him for a minute. Jon said he thinks that Sal was really excited. Ronnie said everyone has their different things. Ronnie was answering a text from his girlfriend about the Lisa thing. He said she was asking if she had anything to worry about. Jon asked if Ronnie would give her a free pass with anyone. Ronnie said no way.
Jon said that Howard will be on Katie Couric's show and he was there to see the taping. He said he has no idea how they're going to cut it down to an hour. They talked about how good Katie was on the show today. Gary said he liked her Larry King story. He said she's really cool too. Ronnie said his friend Jack used to drive her around a lot and she did a eulogy that had everyone in the place crying. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how they'll be there tomorrow live. Howard said that Courtney Love will be in tomorrow. He said that she's sobered up and he's never had a conversation with her where she's been sober as far as he knows. He said they'll have to see how that goes tomorrow.
Howard said that a lot of people have been complimenting the Katie Couric interview. He said Jon Hein was in the audience there at the show. Howard said it's odd for him to be edited. He said he has a certain way of talking and it's interesting when they edit it down. Howard said he spent about another 5 minutes talking about Robin. He said maybe it would have bored some people. Robin said she would have liked it. Howard said he talked about his parents and did impressions of them that they cut out. Howard said he would have cut out the staff talent contest but then he was thinking that maybe that's good for her audience. Howard said that might be palatable to them. Robin said Howard is taking the old NBC argument. Howard said he'd just do the interview and that's that.
Howard said he doesn't like being photographed or on TV. He said his face looks hideous to him. He said he doesn't like that. Robin said the camera isn't anyone's friend. Howard said Katie looked good. She looked good even when he switched seats with her.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he's glad they left Mariann from Brooklyn in the show. Howard said what's funny about that is after they ran that piece he commented on her apartment. Howard said he thought it needed a makeover. Howard said people got upset with him over that. He said he was just talking about the Howard Stern junk on her walls. He doesn't really give a shit though. He said he must have been communicating poorly.
Howard had Jon Hein come in to talk about the taping. Jon said they taped for a good 3 hour show and he was wondering how they were going to cut it. Jon said they picked bits and pieces of the interview to air. He said it loses it's flow that way. Howard said he tries to be engaging and keep a story going. He said it's like weaving a tale and then they cut it up and it's hard to follow. Howard said he doesn't like it when they do that. Robin said it's like seeing a preview for a movie and not the actual movie. Jon said Howard said a lot of things about Robin and they cut it all out. He said he hadn't heard Howard say that stuff about her before. Howard said he really emoted. He said he's all hung up on what they cut out.
Jon said they cut the beginning and end of what he said about Robin and left some of the middle in there. Robin said that's why a lot of people don't want to be edited. Robin said they will do the interview and just do it straight. Howard said he was pleased with the show other than that.
Howard asked Jon what else they left out. Jon said they left out the stuff about his folks. Howard said they only have 40 minutes to air and they taped so much. Howard said he was thinking about the talent show being good for her show for the ladies who watch. He said they may not care about him so much.
Bobo said he thought that they should have made the show into two days. Howard said he's not sure her audience cares about him that much.
Howard said he still has to do the Jimmy Fallon show. He's not sure when that is though. Howard said he has to check his calendar to see when that is. Robin said she figured everyone would want to know. Howard looked it up on his phone but he wasn't able to find it easily. Then he realized he could search. Howard wasn't sure how to do that so it took him a second to find it. Howard said he hates typing on that thing. He found that he's taping it on June 17th at 4pm. Howard said he forgot about the search function. He said that's pretty cool.
Howard said he hates doing appearances. He said he truly does. Robin said it's like being in someone else's house. Howard said he talks enough there. He said he likes to quiet down for a while after the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he enjoyed Howard on Katie's show. He said the Mariann from Brooklyn piece was great too. Howard said he had a good time with Katie. He said he watches her show from time to time and he approves of it. Howard said she has some kind of sex appeal for a 56 year old. Howard said he can't believe she doesn't do any plastic surgery. He said she has to be doing something. The caller said that she used to date the owner of the Boston Red Sox and she looked like she had plastic surgery back then. Robin said she looked for something there but she didn't see anything. She did admit to some Botox use though.
Howard and the caller were talking about the owners of the Boston Red Sox and how there seems to be so many. The caller said there were only 3 as far as he knows. Howard said it seems like a lot more than that because he's met a bunch of people who claim they own them.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. She said that she's not upset about what Howard said about her Howard Shrine. She said that Howard spoke so great about Robin but they cut it all out. She said Howard talked about his dad too and they cut that out. Howard said Katie did say okay to giving him the show for Howard TV so hopefully they can get that. Mariann was going on and on so Howard cut her off and hung up on her. He said she is very sweet though. He said she was in tears on that show. Robin said she's a great fan.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Mariann was making him cry watching that show yesterday. Howard said he didn't see a problem. Maybe the TV he has isn't so great.
Howard said that the government is abusive with their power sometimes. Howard said the IRS went after conservative groups and that's just not right. He's wondering where the groups are that get upset about that kind of stuff. Howard said the FCC stopped Infinity Broadcasting from buying radio stations when they wanted to because of the fines they had. Howard said that not one group opened their mouths in favor of him. Howard said conservative groups only get upset when they're targeted. Howard said they were for the FCC using their powers against the company he worked for. Howard said that the Tea Party can kiss his balls.
Howard said that they just watched as his nips twisted in the wind. He said that Robin's were twisting in the wind too. That was hot though.
Howard said that they have the Hottest Chick / Biggest Fan contest coming up. You can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard for more information.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he used any of Ronnie's sex tips on Beth. Howard said they're not having luck with the phones lately. The caller said he has a good phone. Howard said it's really not working. The caller said he's using his Bluetooth. Howard said he doesn't use that stuff because he's afraid of it being so close to his head. Howard told the caller to try yelling out the window instead.
Howard said that once you've heard the Ronnie's sex tips your sex life is over. Howard said he's not sure how Ronnie because such an expert. Howard said everywhere he went he was getting comments from women who were saying ''Ew!'' to the Ronnie sex tips. He said they were going crazy. Howard said people can't believe it the way he's carrying on with the sex.
Howard said he and Ronnie had a meeting about him shaving the Batman logo into his beard. Howard said they were going to do it tomorrow. He said Ronnie told him that they're going away to AGT after that but then he suggested that they do it the week after when he'll be in 3 days. Howard said he's going to be away a week and then they'll come back and have Ronnie get shaved down on the air. Howard said that makes more sense. Robin said she thinks so. She wondered why he can't just keep it the week after. Howard said it'll be old by then. Robin said that's true.
Ronnie said that he hasn't been with that many women like Robin was saying earlier. He said he's been with about 50. Howard said he thinks it's more than that. Ronnie said it might be but he doesn't keep count. Ronnie said he had some women when he was younger like when he was a teenager. He had his first girlfriend at 14. Robin asked if he had the rest of the 50 before he married. Howard said he did have them. Howard said he's very sexed up. Ronnie said he cut school a lot. Howard said he believes that.
Howard said Ronnie was a big pussy hound during the Great Depression. Howard said a lot of people wrote songs about Ronnie's sex tape stuff. Howard said a lot was made of Ronnie talking about squirting. Howard said that word alone makes him want to throw up. Howard said Dr. Fisch says that he's drinking urine but Ronnie insisted he's wrong. Ronnie said it's called pre-cum. Howard said he has a song about Ronnie called ''Pee Drinker'' where they sing about him drinking that squirt. Robin asked where this pre-cum comes from. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He doesn't study it. Howard said that he has no medical knowledge at all but he's arguing with a doctor. Fred said he thinks that guy is a urologist too.
Ronnie said Lisa was on the Wrap UP Show yesterday and she never comes in. He said she never ever has time to come in. He said that it's all about her book and he knows it. Ronnie said even when they got into the conversation on the show she had to run out of the show and two minutes later they saw her going to the bathroom.
Lisa came in so Howard talked to her about this idea she has and how they don't really need anyone to count this thing she wants to do. She wants a hash tag thing going on. Howard said he's not sure what she really wants. Lisa said that they have people tweeting about the show and they could bring more in if they do this. Lisa said that people don't just listen to the show. They are involved in all kinds of things. Howard said he doesn't care though. He said the fans are totally involved with the radio show. Howard said he likes getting feedback about the show on Twitter but during the show he doesn't give a fuck about Twitter. Benjy said that Lisa thought it was just a way to get the show more out there. Howard said it gets more complicated after that. Howard asked what she wants to do. Lisa said that she'd like people to tweet @SternShow about the kiss with the hashtag #Kiss. Lisa said that she wanted people to retweet. Howard said they can count the number of retweets but then Lisa wanted original tweets. Howard said that this is really too complicated. Howard said he's getting notes about how impossible it is to do what she wants.
Gary said that Jon Hein has a really simple way to do this. Lisa asked why she wasn't in the meeting about this. Howard said that she didn't need to be there. Jon came in and said that they can do this very easily with retweets. He said they count them automatically. He said it shouldn't be that hard to try it out and see how many they get. Jon said that they'll tweet something out and tell people to retweet it. Jon said that they can make up something and get it done. Jon said maybe no one will want to see that kiss happen and they won't retweet it.
Howard said that they can do 5,000 retweets. Lisa wanted more than that. Ronnie said they'll get like 50,000.
Lisa said she called an actress yesterday and asked about how to do this kiss. She said she's not attracted to Ronnie but she may have to kiss him. She wanted advice on how to do it. She said she got some good tips. Ronnie said she's whacked out with this. Ronnie said he knows she's attracted to him. Ronnie said she's nuts and she's out of her mind.
Howard wondered when they should do this. Gary said they should do it now. Lisa didn't think she was ready. She said she didn't have toothpaste and she just drank coffee. Howard said Ronnie doesn't care about that. Ronnie said that she has no idea how many people are going to do this. Ronnie said that his phone was blowing up the last time he said something about him on Twitter. Howard said he wants to try it to see what happens. He said he wanted to get 5,000 retweets. Lisa wanted more. Howard said he can't be there all day with this.
Howard said he has to get rid of these two. Howard said he is excited about this. Ronnie said all of a sudden she wants air time. Lisa said this wasn't her first idea. Ronnie said she's getting time already for this. He said she can't say this isn't about her book. He told her to be honest.
Howard said Lisa looks cute today. Ronnie said she looked good yesterday too. Howard said they have to sent out this tweet. Howard said people don't even know how to use it. Gary said it's going to say ''If you want to see Lisa G make out with Ronnie Retweet this now!'' Howard said that they can see how long it takes to get to 5,000. They sent it out at 6:50am.
Gary asked Lisa when she last made out with a guy. Lisa said it was last year. She said it was the middle of last year. She said that it could be maybe 6 months. Gary said that they were up to 350 retweets within a minute or so. The numbers were climbing really fast. Gary said they were at 1000 within a minute.
Lisa said she wasn't the one who said 5,000. Gary said they were up to 1,700 already. A few seconds later they were up to 2,000. Gary was counting as it went along and it was 500 every few seconds.
Howard asked where they go to retweet. Gary said it's @SternShow. They were up to 3500 already. Lisa said that it's not enough to have only 5,000. Lisa was sweating and saying that it wasn't enough. Lisa said she was shaking. Howard said she'll be alright. Gary said that they have to kiss for 20-30 seconds and use tongue. Gary said they were up to 4,600 already. Then they were up to 4,800... 4,900 and then 5,000.
Howard said they have to build up to this kiss. Lisa said she would do it right there. Howard asked Ronnie where he would like to do it. Ronnie said ''Take it easy baby.'' He told her to slow down. Ronnie said that she has to go do her ritual at 7 and then she'll be all cleaned out for him. Howard asked if she was okay standing. She said it was fine where she was. She said it's just a kiss.
Ronnie told Lisa to take her headphones off. He said that he wanted the microphone out of the way. Howard said she'll be fine. Ronnie said that she can't just stand there and do nothing.
Howard had Will holding a microphone just in case things got crazy. Howard said that she has to tell them the truth about how she feels afterward.
Lisa said it's not going to be what they expect a passionate kiss to be. She said they'll just have to see what happens. She said it may be funny and not passionate. Howard asked if she has to be up against the wall or anything. Lisa said it's not going to be what they expect.
Ronnie was smiling. Howard thanked the fans for helping out with this. Howard asked for a clock so he could keep track of how long this goes.
Howard had the two of them start. Ronnie told her to take it easy and not rush it. Then they went in for their kiss and everyone was yelling out ''Oh!'' and things like that. Howard was laughing. He told them to keep going. Lisa said that he has very soft lips. She asked if it was hard to look at. Howard said Ronnie was squeezing her ass. Lisa said that was so much fun. She said that Julie told her that he'd be a really good kisser. Ronnie said he has no idea who she is.
Howard asked Lisa what happened there. Howard said Ronnie is all red and Lisa isn't. Ronnie said he had a great time with that. Lisa said she felt his boner. Ronnie said that was his phone. He said it's fine if she thinks it was his boner though. Howard TV was replaying the clip. Howard said mouths were completely opens. Howard asked if he rammed his tongue in there. Lisa said it was actually very nice and perfect. Howard asked if she's feeling anything. Ronnie said she didn't push him away when he grabbed her ass. Ronnie said she didn't want to stop. Howard said he predicts this will be the biggest ratings on Howard TV.
Gary said that she was way more into it than they thought she'd be. He said Ronnie was the one who pulled away. Gary said he was palming her ass and his index finger was tickling her crack. Ronnie said she didn't stop him either. Howard asked what that book is called. She said it's ''Sex, Lies, and Cookies: An Unrated Memoir.'' she said she has more ideas for the show. She said she has to pitch them to them.
Howard asked Lisa how she was feeling during that. Lisa said that it was good. Howard said it looked like a rape to him. Howard said they can't even look at each other.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie what Stephanie is going to think about this. Ronnie said she knows about it. Howard asked Lisa if she rubbed Ronnie's head or anything. She said she wasn't. The caller said Ronnie should have rubbed her tits. He asked if this is going to be on Howard TV. Everyone said ''Yes!'' at the same time.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he wants to see this right away. Howard asked Doug when this will be on. Doug said it'll be up tomorrow night and they'll have a teaser up on the web today.
Lisa asked if they can do something where they get a certain number of views and she'll do something else. Howard asked if he can feel her up. She said no to that.
Jason asked if they should put the pictures up now or later for the West Coast. Howard told him to wait until later for the West Coast.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Ronnie is the biggest asshole on the show. Ronnie said he doesn't know.
Another caller asked if Ronnie had to stand on a box to kiss Lisa. Howard said they're about the same height actually. Howard said that was something else. Lisa said she's glad it's over with. Howard said she is not.
Another caller asked if Lisa got any hair from Ronnie in her mouth. Lisa said it's very soft actually. She didn't mind it at all.
Howard said Lisa's bit came to fruition. Lisa said she wanted a woman to come in and take off clothing for every 1,000 tweets they got. Howard said that's boring.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked what his finger smells like. Ronnie said it smells good. He said that's because he caught her before 7 o'clock. Lisa told him to stop.
Another caller told Howard to put the pictures up now and fuck the West Coast. Howard said that they have to hold off on that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was saying that Twitter was blowing up with this. Howard hung up on her in the middle of a sentence. Jeff the Drunk called in and said they're going to end up making love. Ronnie said she didn't pull away at all. Jeff said Lisa wants to fuck. He was singing ''Lisa and Ronnie sitting in a tree...''
Howard said he knows Benjy had something to do with that bit. Lisa said she wants to have more meetings with him. She said he had a lot of strange ideas though. She said he had an idea where he'd take Howard's sperm and Beth's egg and fertilize them.
Howard said Lisa is completely changed after that. Ronnie said that she's all happy. Lisa said that she is joyful after that. She said it all worked out. Howard said that he wants to be in that mood. He told Ronnie to kiss him too.
Howard took a call from a guy who was laughing at what just went down. He said he was chanting ''Go Ronnie'' on his way into work. He asked who Ronnie is going to make out with now for 25,000 followers. Ronnie said he's not pushing a book or anything so he doesn't need that.
Another caller asked how Benjy is feeling about this. Benjy said he's happy for her. He said it was a nice show moment. He said he's not looking for a kiss from her. Howard said he had to take a break but he took another call. The caller asked Lisa when she had an orgasm last. Lisa said she doesn't count. Ronnie asked if she felt anything today. Lisa said she just thought about him being a good kisser.
Benjy said that Lisa's breasts got bigger and you can see it in the video. Howard said he wasn't monitoring that. He said he was watching the clock. They spent a minute more on that and then went to break.
Howard asked if Robin was back yet. She wasn't. Howard said people are going nuts over the Lisa G and Ronnie kiss. Howard said Jon Leiberman is one of them. Howard asked Jon what the reaction is back there. Jon said the reaction is crazy. He said that Lisa says she can't breathe. He said she's wondering how she's going to get her work done. Jon said this is unbelievable. Howard asked if he's ever seen anything this big on the show before. Jon said he hasn't. He said that when 5,000 retweets hit there was a stomping of the feet back there in the office. He said that they'll have audio later.
Howard asked Jon how many tweets it would take for him to kiss Lisa. Jon said that would be a lot. He said it's worth a lot more than 5,000. Howard asked if he would kiss Shuli before Lisa. Jon said perhaps he would. He said that if they got to like 500,000 retweets he might kiss her. Howard said he doesn't think anyone cares that much.
Jon said Lisa was all sweaty and he's never seen anything like that from her. He said that they're seeing something that they've never seen out of her before. Robin said she thinks that it's a delayed reaction to the whole thing. She said that it might not happen while the kiss is going on and it's hitting her now. Jon said you can't fake that reaction either. He said it's amazing. Robin said she might be back there thinking about Ronnie and what would have happened if there were no cameras around. Robin said she's wondering if Ronnie is a good kisser. Jon said if you look at the replay you see that Lisa was the one who kept it going. He said she kept the embrace going. Howard said they had it all wrong and they didn't realize that she was the one who was going to go for it. Jon said they doubted that she'd even go through with it. They were wrong.
Howard told Jon to keep on that story and let them know how Lisa is doing. Jon said they'll stay on the story. Jon said he's never seen anything like that. Jon said that Ronnie was given the okay by Stephanie but the reality is that Lisa's reaction was so unexpected that they'll have to see how Stephanie responds. Gary said he thinks that Stephanie is calling in now.
Howard said the guys made a prank call using Tan Mom audio clips. They called some random guy and had her rambling to the guy. The guy said he couldn't understand her. He asked where she was at and who she was. The guy stayed on the line for quite a while. Then a woman gets on the line and asks if she can pray for her. She did that and the guys had Tan Mom rambling and blurting out a bunch of things.
Howard took a call from Ronnie's girlfriend Stephanie. She said that she saw the kiss on Twitter. She said that Lisa didn't kiss Ronnie like she does. She said she likes Lisa but she's not threatened by her. She said she knows that Ronnie won't leave her for Lisa. Howard asked if she would do a threesome with her. Stephanie said they'd have to talk about that. Howard asked Ronnie if he would want to do that. Ronnie said it might be cool. Ronnie said they did talk about this and she was cool with it. She didn't know it was going to happen this morning though. Ronnie said she got up and saw it on Twitter so that took her by surprise.
Howard said that Ronnie must really give it to Stephanie. He asked if Ronnie bites her on the neck and ass like he talks about in the sex tips. Stephanie said that he's giving all of their sex secrets away. Ronnie said he never said he did it with her. Howard said Ronnie is a cocksman.
Gary said he wanted to ask if they were close to doing the contest for the show. He said they were going to do a ''Who Wants a Threesome with Ronnie and Stephanie.'' Ronnie said he hasn't been able to talk to her about that. Howard pretended to be Stephanie and said she was ready for that.
Howard said it's very odd to look at him with the Bill Clinton mask on. Howard said he's using his hand first. Then he used his penis to play some notes. Howard said they didn't have a sound check before Gaga came in. Howard had him play some more. Howard said they were fined by the FCC for this. He said maybe they were right.
Gaga kept complaining that there was no sustain pedal. They told him to just play the damn piano with his penis. Howard asked if he's into girls or guys. Gaga said he's into girls. Howard told Lisa to come in and make out with him.
Gaga kept complaining about the height of the piano and the sustain pedal. He would play with his hand for a second and then play with his piano. Howard said the cock isn't all that involved. Howard said he lost his erection. Gaga complained about the height again.
Howard had the guys hold up the piano for him. Scott got in there and held it up for him. Scott also said the sustain pedal was taped down. Howard said he's a pretty good piano player with that penis of his. Howard said he keeps dropping his cock and playing with his hands though.
Howard said Gaga is losing his erection. He told him to put that thing down. Howard asked if he's trying to be the next Liberace. Gaga asked if they can delete this from the replay. He said he can sound really good. Howard said they're not deleting it. Howard said he was very good. Howard asked why he's doing this. Gaga said that he's a very good piano player and he's doing this to get attention. He said you can find out more at GentlemanGaga.com.
Gaga said that he practiced all week and he sounded great but this morning it wasn't so good. Howard said he thought he sounded great. He thanked him for coming in and said that he's a true talent and an original. They took Gaga out of the studio after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he watched the Lisa and Ronnie kiss clip on YouTube and he got chubbed up a bit. Howard asked if they could fit in the Gentleman Gaga clip into the show too. Doug said he'd see what they can do. He said it's a very busy show today.
Howard said he had to take a break and get Maria Menounos in there. Howard said she's very hot and she's on one of those entertainment shows. He didn't know which one it was. Howard said he's like an old man now not knowing what's on TV. It turns out she's on Extra. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he loves Aerosmith. He said he wishes those guys would stop yelling at each other. Robin said they're together.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gentleman Gaga might be related to Darth Nihilus. Howard said he might be right about that.
Howard said that Maria Menounos gets better looking and better looking. He said she's really good looking but she's with the same guy but they're not married and she seems to fuck around with other guys. Howard said she's going to be ding a reality show. He said that should be interesting. Maria said she hopes so. Howard said he saw her dancing with Mel Gibson at a party and she was wrapping her legs around him like a monkey. Howard said that's kind of weird. He asked her to explain herself. Maria said she was drinking but not out of her mind wasted. She said she was very buzzed. Howard asked how many drinks she had. She said she had a bunch of beer. She said she loves beer. Howard asked how she keeps the weight off. Maria said she's turning 35 and she has been starting to work out more regularly. She said she has been super active over the years but now she's kind of sedentary being a host. Howard said Mario Lopez is her co-host and it must be great to be so good looking. He said he hates the way he looks. Howard said he hates going on TV showing his face.
Maria said that Howard needs to go to Yogi Cameron. She said that he's a guy who she spoke to and learned some yoga from. Howard said that he's probably some white guy from Long Island. Howard said that he's being told the guy looks like a male model. Howard said he's not going to take advice from a nitwit like that. Howard said the guy is on the cover of Vogue topless. Maria said he used to do that stuff but he became a yogi. Howard said that he never gave away his materials.
Howard asked Maria if she's sleeping with him. Maria said no-wah. Howard said she's something else with that ''No-wah'' thing. He asked if she ever heard that prank call they made using her ''No-wah.'' Maria said she did.
Howard said Robin is nuts too. He said Robin went down to Peru and laid on the side of the road while some guy put rocks on her belly. Robin said he was doing a blessing. Howard asked Maria if she's ever gone to a psychic. Maria said she has but just for fun. She said she went to one friend who has done readings for her and Kevin. She said that she was right about some things that she wrote down years ago.
Howard asked Maria if she laughs at the rest of the people out there. Maria said she never does that. Howard said she loves to be photographed in her bikini. He said she sets up those sessions. Maria said she would never set up something like that. Maria said she didn't even go to Miami this year because of that.
Howard asked Maria to swear that she's never cheated on Kevin. Maria said she never has and she swore that she hasn't. Howard asked if she's ever made out with anyone. Maria said she has but just as a goofy thing. She said she did one for charity.
Howard asked Maria what kind of money she makes on that Extra show. Howard asked if she thinks Mario makes more. Maria said she's sure he does. She wasn't saying what she makes. Maria said she's not looking to make the same as him if he's been on the show for so long. Howard asked how long her contracts are. She said they're usually 3 years. Maria said that the most recent one was 2 years solid. Howard asked if she could be making a million a year. Maria said that could be. Howard asked if she's making over a million. Maria said she has been for a long time. Howard asked if she's between 1 and 2 million. Maria said she has multiple sources of income. She said she had to think about how much she's actually making there at Extra. She said her checks go to her business manager. Maria said that she doesn't really think about it. Maria said she just wants to be able to pay her bills and take care of her parents.
Howard said that Kevin just said back in the green room that she's making more than 2 million at Extra. Howard said he should probably leave him out there though.
Howard said someone wrote him a note about Maria and how she's going around talking about being Greek and how Kevin isn't Greek so her parents are upset about that. Howard said it turns out that Maria doesn't know anything about the Greek. Howard asked her who the president of Greece is. Maria said she met him like 2 years ago. She said they have a new one but she can't remember his name. Howard said they're going to play Truth or Dare with her if she can't remember. Maria didn't know. Howard gave her the answer. Maria said that was a bad pronunciation.
Howard asked Maria if she wanted a truth or dare. Maria wanted a dare. Howard told her to show her panties. Maria did it. Howard said she loves showing them anyway. Howard said he could barely see them.
Howard asked what the national bird of Greece is. Maria didn't know. She thought about it but she had no idea. Howard said it's the Phoenix. Maria said she would never know that. Howard asked her Truth or Dare. She picked a Dare. Howard said he has a list of dares. He said she could mix a drink in Richard's ass. Maria had no idea what that meant. Howard had Richard come in to do this. Maria didn't know what she was up for. Howard told her that she has to pour the beer in his ass. Maria said she might vomit. Howard said he can taste which beer it is. Howard said he has taste buds in his ass. Maria said that Richard looks really good. He was in the movie Adventures of Serial Buddies which is what she's in there to promote today. Maria said you can get it on SerialBuddies.com or iTunes.
Howard asked what kind of money she spent on that movie. Maria said she spent close to a million of her own. Howard said that's insane. He said she shouldn't be wasting her money like that. Howard asked what the movie is like. She said it was reviewed as Dumb and Dumber meets Dexter. Maria said that there are two guys on the road who play serial killers. Howard asked what they paid them. Maria said it was SAG minimum. Richard got paid to be in it too. Howard asked what she's doing. Maria said that Kevin was the director. Howard let out and ''Ugh!'' when he heard that.
Howard asked where Kevin got the money to do that. He thought Kevin was her secretary. Maria said he runs their online TV platform, AfterBuzzTV.com, and he does other things too.
Richard said Maria has to mix this drink in his ass. Maria asked if she had to look at his ass. Howard said if she doesn't mind. Howard said they can pour the beer in there. Richard said they have a full bar there so they should try something else. Maria said she can't do this. Howard told her to get ready. Maria didn't want Jason taking a picture. Howard told him to get out of there.
Maria said that Richard is disrobing. Howard said he has to. Howard told him to come over and get his ass ready. Maria asked him to please leave and put his clothes back on. She said she put him in her movie. Maria said that she put him in her movie. Maria asked if Howard would let his daughter poor a beer in his ass. Howard said no. Maria said she is kind of curious about this buy she said she really can't do it. Howard told her to just do it. Maria said no. Howard said she took a dare. Maria said she can't do it. Howard told Will to pour it. Richard said he pooped today and he didn't know they'd be doing this. Maria said this isn't happening right now. She said she can't do this. She said she can't even look at him. She said he just said he pooped. She said she's close to vomiting and she just doesn't do this. Richard said it does smell bad today. Maria didn't do it. She said she prides herself on doing stuff like this but she just cant. Richard said they should have Kevin do it. Maria called Kevin in.
Howard asked Maria what's holding her back. Maria said she just can't do it. Kevin came in and told Maria to just do it. Maria asked if he smelled his ass. Kevin said he didn't smell anything. He told her to just closer her eyes and do it. Maria said she is not doing this. She said this is going to get replayed a million times too. She said she's nauseous. She said she can't do this. Richard told her he's thirsty. Maria said she has metal objects. Kevin said he'll put his hands over her eyes and they'll do it as a couple. Howard told her to do it. He said she took a dare. Maria said that he has some crumb of respect for her and he doesn't want her to do it. Howard said Cameron Diaz did it. He was just kidding about that.
Howard said he would never let Beth do this. He said he's not open minded like Kevin is. Maria said she can't do this. Howard told Kevin to do it. Kevin did it no problem. Howard said he can't believe she's acting so prudish. Maria said he pooped and she almost vomited. Richard said it smells like beer now. Maria still wasn't looking at him. She said she could see skin in her peripheral vision.
Howard told Richard to get dressed and get out of there. Howard said Maria backed down from a dare. Maria said she really doesn't feel good. She said she doesn't like that even though she's the queen of gross. She said she almost vomited. Richard asked if he could go soap up and come back. Maria didn't want to do that.
Howard said last time Maria was there she confessed that a doctor had molested her. Howard said she made national news. Howard said it was a big moment for her. Howard said she claimed that she was molested by multiple doctors. Howard said for years Kevin went with her to the doctor. Kevin said he still does. Howard said Kevin is in the room now if she's with a male doctor. Maria said she only goes to women now. Kevin said that he will go if it's a guy. Kevin said all guys are pigs so that's the way they look at them. Maria said there are a lot of nice doctors. Kevin said there was one doctor who was enamored by her belly ring and he was very creepy about it. Howard said he's seen this go down with other women. He said it's not just Maria.
Kevin said that he was there to witness it a couple of times. He said he was outside the door while the guy was taking about her belly ring. He said Maria was in there in her panties while the guy was doing this. Kevin said that you have to make yourself present and the doctors are usually fine with it. He said the ones who aren't are the guys who are up to something.
Howard said he likes doctor/patient porn. Howard asked if they ever watch that stuff. Kevin said he likes the casting porn. He said Howard got him into some doctor/patient stuff too. Howard said it's kind of hot when you think about it. Howard said Maria takes off all of her clothes for these guys. Maria said she learned her lesson. She said she was in her bra and underwear. Kevin said she's sexy in that underwear though.
Howard said he can't believe they put up a million of their own money for this movie. Maria said that it was less than that. Kevin said it was less than half of that. Kevin said there's also hard dollars and soft dollars. He said he has an editing suite so he can edit and not pay himself. He said they put in a couple hundred thousand into this movie. He said they did it 4 years ago and the climate was different than it is now.
Howard asked how he gets the movie. They said you can get it at SerialBuddies.com and it's like 12 bucks. Howard asked if Maria is in the movie. Kevin said she is. Howard asked if she's topless at all. Maria said no but Kevin said yes. Kevin said he's just trying to sell the movie. Howard said they say the movie is good. Kevin told Howard what the movie is about and where to get it. It's on their web site and on iTunes.
Howard asked Maria why she was acting out sexually with Mel Gibson. Maria said she was having so much fun that she just jumped on him. She said there was glass on the floor from people dropping their glasses. Howard asked if she knows what Mel has done. She said she knows he has done some things. Kevin said she was drunk and she was just coming off the Dancing with the Stars thing so she was dancing a lot.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be a doctor. The guy said that he wants to apologize to the others in his profession who aren't acting properly.
Howard asked Maria about working on Extra and who the most difficult celebrity to interview is. Maria said that she doesn't know. Kevin said they've all been very nice. Howard asked who has come on to her. Maria said she's not going to talk about that. Kevin said that she's had guys flirt. He said he doesn't know who any of them are.
Howard asked who came on to her. Maria said she's not talking. Howard asked her what she's wearing. Maria had shorts and a shirt on. Howard said that looks like fun. He said it's very nice. Kevin said she asked him this morning if he's still turned on by her. Howard asked if he's not boning her as much. Maria said she was getting ready this morning and the woman doing her make up was asking. Howard asked if she's hot for Kevin. Maria said of course she is. She said it has toned down over the years though. Howard asked if Kevin thinks he's more in love with her or the other way around. Kevin said he thinks that he's more in love with her. Howard asked why the sex isn't as often. Kevin said it was more at the start but then she got him to do her bidding and it calmed down. Kevin said that it has been better. He said he thinks that's what a lot of women do.
Howard said that Kevin suddenly becomes part of her glam squad. Kevin said when they met he was the bread winner. He said that things were different back then. He said she was the woman at home and then the roles reversed. He said that doesn't bother him but that's the way it was. Kevin said he's like hired help now. Maria said that is not true.
Maria told Howard about what Kevin did in a scene they were shooting the other day. She said after they were done he asked her to put a tampon in his ass. Howard said he feels like a woman now. that's what that is about.
Howard said Kevin is menstruating now. Kevin said he is. He said he's so out of it now. Kevin said he has no idea how to pick up a woman now. He said he's out of touch now.
Howard asked how it's going with anal. Kevin said he's not any further with that. He said he hasn't requested it at all though. Howard asked why he doesn't want it. Kevin said it doesn't turn him on really. Howard asked if he thinks he could get her to squirt. Kevin said she's never done it. He said she has an orgasms every time unless she's pretending. Kevin said it seems like she is anyway. Howard said he assumes his wife does but he's not sure.
Howard asked if she cums from penetration. Kevin said she does. Maria was just laughing. Robin asked if she has an orgasm every time. Kevin said that he's the woman in the relationship so he has to do the job. Maria asked if there was anything else they could talk about. Howard asked what they should talk about. Maria suggested the weather or something.
Howard kept digging with the questions but Maria gave Kevin a look that made him think it was going to be bad. Kevin mentioned that she pleasures herself to finish sometimes. Maria yelled at Kevin to stop. She said that they're not talking about their sex lives on their reality show. Kevin said she only does it if she has to speed things up. Howard said he thinks it's hot that she's playing with herself. Maria was freaking out saying ''Oh my god'' over and over.
Howard asked if she's fully shaved. Maria said it depends. She said that sometimes she is. Howard said Maria playing with herself is hot. Kevin said that it's a lot of work to be involved with a celebrity. Maria asked if she's a lot of work. Kevin said that she is. He said you have to know what you're getting into when you're with a celebrity.
Howard said Maria is wild. He said that she's dancing with that guy on Dancing with the Stars and all of that. Howard said he couldn't handle that. Kevin said that Maria is a good girl so he's not worried. He said they've been together for 15 years. He said it's not healthy for her not to have guy friends to flirt with. He said he doesn't think that she's going to wake up at 43 and tell him she found another guy. Kevin asked Howard if he still flirts with other girls. Howard said he doesn't. Kevin said he thinks it's a healthy thing to do.
Howard had Derek Huff on the phone. That was her dancing partner on Dancing with the Stars. It turned out to be Sal saying that she didn't have a problem pouring beer in his ass. Kevin knew it was Sal.
Howard said the two of them are wild. Maria said they really aren't. Howard asked how many times a week they bang. Maria told Kevin not to answer. She said she's not going to answer. Howard asked what they think the answer is. Maria said she really doesn't know. Kevin said that it's 1-2 times a week. Howard asked if that's it. Kevin said it is. He said that they've had this role reversal and they've cut back a bit. Howard asked Kevin if he beats off. Kevin said he does. He said sometimes he does it in bed with the pillow barricade. Kevin said that he wishes he could just move her panties to the side and let him in. He said he can't do that. He said she has to get up early and the whole thing so he just looks up at the ceiling in frustration. Maria said she had no idea that was going on.
Howard asked if Maria has Kevin dress up in outfits. Kevin said she does. Kevin said that they dress up in outfits. Maria said she'll dress up like a maid or something. Howard asked if she'll dress up in black face. Maria said ''What!?'' a bunch of times when Howard would ask questions like that. Howard said that he would dress up like Snoop Lion and have Beth be one of his hoes.
Kevin said Maria has lap danced for him. Howard said she is a good girl. Maria thanked him for that. Howard asked if she's attracted to Mario Lopez at all. She said she's not.
Howard said he has to wrap this up. He wanted to go over what they learned today. He took a call from a guy who asked if Maria has ever been asked to pose for Playboy. Kevin said they have been offered but they said no. He said it would have to be a lot of money to make it worth their while. Maria said she has done some shoots where she's almost naked. Kevin said that he thinks that she should do something artistic for the kids in the future. Howard said Kevin should do a video or something for the two of them to see. Howard said Kevin could do a photo shoot. Kevin said he suggested it. The caller said Howard should do it. Kevin said they discussed that over dinner. Howard said he could do it but Beth has to be there. Howard said it can't be real sexual. Maria said she did some stuff for Allure magazine. She said she has wanted to do it but she's not sure who to trust with the pictures. Howard said he shot Christa Miller. He said he took the masters and deleted them. Kevin said that's why Howard is the guy. He said he wouldn't worry about it with him.
Howard said Kevin could do it himself. Kevin said he's a good photographer. Maria said they should do it. She didn't know where to put the pictures. Howard told her to Tweet them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he almost ran into a tree listening to this. Howard said it is hot. He said Maria is hot. The caller said she's smokin' hot. The caller said it has to be hard to be with her. Kevin said that she has guys hitting on her all the time but things are good. He said that he's not worried. He said he would never sue her if they broke up either.
Howard took some calls and talked to Kevin and Maria about their relationship. They think that things are doing just fine. They're going to be doing this reality show though so Howard isn't sure that things will work out. Maria didn't seem to like his feelings on that.
Howard took a few more calls and let some people comment on their relationship. One caller asked if any spanking is going on in that relationship. Maria was saying ''No-wah'' to a lot of those kind of questions. Howard said he can't wait to see this realty show. He said he can't imagine what it's going to be. Maria said she can't wait either. Howard said he hopes that it turns out to be good. Howard said he may have to be on the show to provoke them into fights. Maria said that he might. Howard asked if they're taping it already. Kevin and Maria said they are. Howard asked what they do when nothing is happening. Kevin said they don't have to create anything. Maria said she told them that she wouldn't do that. Howard asked what they pay her to do that. Maria didn't know. They're doing the show for the Oxygen network.
Howard gave Maria and Kevin a plug for the movie Serial Buddies and said that they want to make their money back so please check it out. Kevin said that Artie Lange is in the movie too. He said it was right before his meltdown. Howard said it was Artie at his most creative. Kevin said that Artie told jokes on the whole ride there and back home. He said Artie is hilarious. He plays one of the older brothers in the movie. Howard said the movie is directed by Kevin. Howard said that they'll be on Oxygen eventually too. Kevin said you can check out AfterBuzzTV.com too. Howard wrapped up and thanked the two of them for coming in. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said his regret in life is that he didn't spend his time doing this stuff in his youth. He said he has wasted time. Robin said you don't look back or you'll have regrets.
Howard said he was watching a 14 year old girl playing Eddie Van Halen's Eruption on guitar. He said he should have been doing that. Robin said just because he thinks he could have done that doesn't mean he could have. Howard said he could have if he had practiced. Howard said he didn't do the things that he should have done. Robin said he did what he loved.
Howard asked Robin if she watched the video of the baby being rescued from a toilet in China. Robin said she saw that. Howard said it was a newborn baby boy that was flushed. Howard said he's not sure how that happens. Howard said he's rather be flushed than live in a black neighborhood as the only white kid. Howard said it could have been worse for that kid.
Howard said he read about a 15 year old high school sophomore who invented a test for various cancers and it only costs a few cents. Howard said the kid is only 15. Howard said he has regrets because he was busy beating off to Gilligan's Island at that age. Howard said he should have been inventing things and playing guitar. He was busy with nonsense.
Howard said he has some songs about Benjy drinking his own cum. Howard said you can tell how popular something is on the show based on the song parodies that come in. Howard said Benjy admitted that he tasted his own cum so this is what it inspired. Howard played a song parody about that cum tasting. Howard played a second one about the same thing. Those were from Psych. Then he had a couple from Eli Braden about Benjy. Howard played short clips of each one. Howard had some about Richard drinking beer in his ass too.
Jon said the other day President Obama asked for a retweet and he only got 2300. He said that Howard got 5,000 in under 4 minutes. Jon said it was 3 minutes and 42 seconds. He said they're well over 10,000 now. Howard said there's no reason to even retweet it now and people are still doing it.
Howard asked if Lisa's breasts are still swollen. Jon said he's not sure on that. He said he wants to know how they're going to co-exist in the hallway without putting hands on each other.
Howard asked where Ronnie was. Jon said he asked him if he got an erection and he said no. Ronnie did tell him he was excited though.
Lisa and Ronnie came in to talk. Jon said that today has completely changed the dynamic. Howard asked if they're arm in arm. Lisa said she is. She said she reeks of Mambo too. Howard asked if she's sick from it. Lisa said she's very sensitive to scents like that. Ronnie said there wasn't that much on her.
Jon said that Ronnie said that he could see himself dating Lisa if he didn't have Stephanie. Lisa asked if she has any say in that. She also said her breasts weren't swollen.
Jon said that this is the oldest man Lisa has ever made out with. Lisa said that is true. She told Howard that she has a lot going on back in the office today. She said that it was exciting and fun for her. Jon sad that her reactions to what Howard has said today have been very subdued today. Ronnie said he wants to be a fly on the wall in her apartment tonight. He figured that she was going to be masturbating. Lisa said this is what turns her off about him.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's going to jerk off to Lisa. Ronnie said no. He said he can see her squirting now. Howard asked if he thinks he could get her to do that. Ronnie said he thinks he could.
The Howard TV guys showed the replay of the kiss and Jon did a play by play for it. Howard let them go after that. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Robin asked if Howard knows about the thing going on between Billy Joel and Elton John. Howard said it's been in the news for a while now. Howard said they asked Billy about it when he was in there. Howard said the two of them were on tour together and they used to do stuff together on stage. Howard said Billy wanted to take a break from the tour and Elton got word that Billy wasn't going to do more and he got upset with him. Howard said Elton did an interview where he said that Billy was being lazy with his music and he should stop drinking and Billy didn't like that. Howard said Billy said that he should say that to his face if he wants to say it. Robin said that Elton has said that Billy has been much harsher in his personal contact. Howard said of course he has. He said he doesn't need to address this stuff in public. Robin and Howard spent a few minutes talking about that story.
Robin read about Justin Bieber being chased by Keyshawn Johnson. Robin said that they live in the same community. Robin said that Keyshawn was with his kid when Justin came whizzing by in his Ferrari. Robin said that Keyshawn chased Bieber down to confront him after he brought his kid home. Robin said that Justin ran into his house and refused to come out to talk to Johnson. Howard said he was reading that Bieber's neighbors complain about him driving too fast with that car in the neighborhood. Howard said he's a douche from what he's read. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how 54 percent of workers have had sex with a co-worker. Howard said they saw that there this morning with Ronnie and Lisa G.
Howard said he read about this giant French fry thing that McDonald's has released. Fred told him it's only in Japan right now.
Howard said that Rob Kardashian has a line of clothing out. Howard said he's not sure who wants to look like that guy but apparently someone does.
Howard asked Gary where the voice mail from Sour Shoes is. He found it and played the clip for Robin. Howard said he's doing Chicago in this one. Howard said there are hundreds of messages like this. He said it's not just one. He said this is just a small sampling. Howard said he's a pretty good musician. Howard said his poor parents have to hear this stuff. Howard let that play and Sour changes songs a few seconds later. Howard said he's constantly changing up songs. Howard got a laugh out of that. Howard said these people had a baby and when they thought about his future they never imagined this.
Howard picked up on Sour Shoes who was waiting on the line. Sour was doing a baby voice at first. Then he broke into a Traffic song. Howard talked it up like he was the DJ introducing it. Howard let Sour play for a short time and then it just stopped. Howard said he fucked up his whole talk up. He hung up on Sour after that.
Robin read about a family business where a father and son team were pimps and they're being accused of threatening women to turn tricks for them. Robin said the women are getting on the stand saying this is what they wanted. They were getting great benefits according to what they were saying.
Robin read about a man who allegedly put his infant in a freezer to get her to stop crying. Howard said that'll work. Robin said this 25 year old would put the baby in the freezer for about an hour at a time. Robin said the mother saved the child and now the guy is under arrest for attempted murder. Howard said he can't imagine his own parents doing something like that. Robin said her parents apparently weren't the worst parents.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the Ronnie and Lisa thing was like Robin and Jim Florentine falling in love before they were dating. The woman said that Robin was breathless like Lisa. Robin said she thinks if they were out of the way then things may have gone on longer. Robin said Lisa was all hot and bothered.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he just heard the west coast feed with Ronnie and Lisa. He said it was great and he loves the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary should apologize to Lisa for turning down that idea. Howard said it wasn't that idea that they turned down. He said Gary doesn't need to apologize.
Another caller said they should ask Lisa if she wet her panties. Howard said he did ask and she didn't. Howard said he thinks that Lisa is a lady and she just didn't want to admit it. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the first gay wedding in France that's taking place today. Robin said it's being held just a few days after a protest against the gay marriage laws over there. Howard had Fred do his French guy impression and had him talking about how he fell in love with his gay lover.
Robin read about a college basketball player who is coming out of the closet. Robin said this is the first active gay player to be out in college basketball. Robin said Jason Collins had a girlfriend for 8 years while he pretended to be straight. Robin said that woman is now talking about freezing her eggs so she can have a baby in the future with someone else. Howard said this is why you want people to be able to come out of the closet without worries. Howard said he took 8 years of that woman's life. Robin said that Jason Collins will be at a fund raiser with the First Lady tonight.
Robin read a story about Usher doing a benefit concert tonight on NBC and other cable outlets. Robin said they're raising money for the victims of the Oklahoma tornado disaster.
Howard said he thinks that Jewel is going to win an Emmy for her portrayal of June Carter Cash. Howard said that Jewel is a very sexy woman. He said she can sing and act. Howard told Robin about this movie and what the story was. Howard said that Jewel was great in it. Howard said he had no idea what was going on in Johnny Cash's life. Howard said he didn't know that she wrote the song ''Ring of Fire.'' Howard said they showed her coming up with the song in the movie. Howard had Fred play the song. Howard said it was better when Jewel did it. Howard said the movie was called Ring of Fire. He said Jewel is great in it and she's so hot. Howard said he hasn't even finished the Liberace movie yet but he was into this ''Ring of Fire.'' Gary told Howard to check out the rest of the Liberace movie. He said Rob Lowe is great at the surgeon who is always high. Howard said he's not sure how they got those guys to do that movie. He did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a teacher who posted a resignation video online after she heard that she was being transferred. Robin had the audio of the woman talking about how everything she loved about teaching is extinct now. Robin had a couple of clips of the woman talking about how they have to teach to the test.
Robin said the CEO of Apple was hinting that they have some new products on the way. Robin said he didn't mention anything specific though. Robin had some audio Tim Cook talking about that. Howard said he loves that he sits around waiting for this stuff to come out while someone else is inventing it. Robin said they have new iOS software coming soon.
Robin read a story about Michelle Bachman and how she won't be running for congress again. Robin had audio of her announcement.
Robin read about a speech that President Obama made where he talked about the Pacific Islanders and how we see how much they contribute to this country every day. Howard and Robin wondered how that's possible. Howard said this is the first he's heard of this.
Robin read a story about a woman who says that she has been helped by medical marijuana use. Robin said that she's hoping to help get medical marijuana more acceptable.
Robin read a story about Illinois letting gay couples get married. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Howard said we should just do it already. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon said that Maria Menounos' boyfriend Kevin is great on the show. He said when he goes in there he wants it to be great for Howard so he's willing to reveal anything for Howard. Kevin was sitting in the studio so Jon talked to him about that. Jon said last time he was in he was thrown off by the Derek stuff. Kevin said he was angry last time but today was better. He said he thinks Maria had fun. He said she's a huge Howard fan but she's more nervous about coming on the show. He said she's really nervous but he's just there having fun. Kevin said he thinks this was a hump show for her. He said he thinks that they found a good balance today. He said they bent her but didn't break her.
Jon said that Maria seems to like gross stuff but the Richard's ass thing didn't work for her. Kevin said that he was surprised that she wasn't into it. He said he thinks that it was the smell that kept her away.
Jon asked Kevin if he heard the first part of the show where Ronnie and Lisa kissed. Kevin said he missed that. Jon said she really delivered today. Lisa was in so she talked about how much fun she had. Kevin asked if it was an actor's kiss or was it real. Lisa said she spoke to an actress and she got some advice. Jon said she wasn't acting from what he could see. Gary said she was really into it.
Gary asked if she could feel Ronnie's finger in her ass. She said she thinks that was an illusion. Gary said it really wasn't. He said you can see it. Gary said Ronnie said she wasn't stopping him at all. Lisa said it was exciting. She said she wanted 10,000 retweets. Gary said they could have had them in another 10 minutes.
Jon asked Lisa if she knew she'd be so swept away. Lisa said she called this Julie Halson woman and she told her that she'd be surprised. She said that Julie told her exactly what Ronnie would do and that's what happened.
Jon said that Lisa was the one wanting more toward the end. Jon asked her what was going through her head. Lisa said that his lips were soft and she thought that she was going to be the one to laugh. She said Ronnie was the one who ended up laughing.
Gary said that he thought Lisa was going to back out of the whole thing but she went through with it. He said she was a trooper. Jon asked if she has changed the way she thinks about Ronnie. Lisa said she hasn't at all. She said it was fun. Gary asked if she would do that kiss again with Ronnie. Lisa said she has been thinking about other stuff she can do. She said she was thinking about putting it up on YouTube and she could kiss him again if they get to a certain number of views. Gary said she can't just kiss him again. He said she'd have to get to second base.
Lisa said that Benjy was in at the beginning and she's glad he was there. Gary asked Benjy if he would make out with her. Benjy said he can't because he has a girlfriend. Gary said he hasn't mentioned her name lately so he wasn't sure.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how they think this changes their views on Lisa being a team player. Jon said he said it when they started the show. He said he thinks it changed the perception of Lisa a lot. He said it wasn't a little stunt.
Jon asked Lisa if she was hurt when Jon Leiberman said that he wouldn't kiss her. Lisa said she's fine with that. She said he's her co-worker. Gary asked if she would do it in a future bit. Lisa said she has to process all of this stuff first. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon asked Ronnie about how the kiss went and Ronnie told him what it was like for him. They were also talking about the YouTube views of the video they put up and how there are so many watching that YouTube can't even keep up with the number of people watching it.
Gary asked Ronnie if he would make out with Mike Morales if they gave him the right money. Ronnie said he would do it. Jon asked Ronnie if that's true. Ronnie said that's how much he believes in what he's doing. He needs a plug for something and that's what he's willing to do. Ronnie said he's a team player and he's willing to do that for the show.
Ronnie said that Lisa wasn't a team player before but she is now. Benjy ended up getting into an argument with Ronnie over that. He said that Ronnie refused to do things for the show and he still claims he's a team player. Ronnie said that's bull. Gary asked Benjy what this is about. Benjy said that it's the way they treat people differently there that bothers him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's glad that Lisa finally gets it. He said that Jon Leiberman got it from the first day he got there. He said Ronnie got it from day one too. He said he's the biggest part of the show because of that.
Gary said that they once did a thing where they got the listeners involved. He said they had people honking their horns and stuff. Today it was with Twitter. Gary said that they were counting so quickly that he wasn't able to keep up. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that King of All Blacks would be the opposite. He said he would get really upset. Jon asked Kevin if he prepares for the show at all with Maria. Kevin said they do that a little bit. He said he was once meeting with a big executive in the TV business. Kevin said that at the end of the meeting the guy said he loved him on Stern. He said last time they were on was kind of rough on their relationship though.
Gary said that Kevin gets looks from Maria about what he's talking about. Kevin said that he does get those looks and he has to gauge if she really wants him to stop talking or if she's just acting. Kevin said when they come on the show they get promotion that works. He said that her book was a NY Times Best Seller and he thinks that's thanks to Howard's show. Kevin said that he thinks she's okay after today's interview. He said he ran into her earlier when she was on her way to do another show.
Gary said that Kevin did something cool today. He said that there were women with them in the green room and when they told Maria to do the beer pouring they were yelling at Kevin not to let her do it. As soon as he walked in the studio he told Maria she should do it. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how he must apologize to Robin for waking her up last night. Howard said he felt so bad. He said he was yelling at her in her sleep. He said he told her to turn off her phone if she's sleeping. Robin said she uses it for an alarm clock. He said she can still turn off the ringer. Robin said she didn't even know she was asleep. Howard said he just berated her for being asleep. He said he told his wife that and she told him to apologize. Howard said he felt so bad. Robin said she fell back asleep. She said she barely woke up. Robin said she went to sleep so early that she woke up very early.
Howard said that Jim Breuer is stopping by today. He said this guy is so talented and he's not being used properly. He said he cut a metal version of the song ''BINGO'' and it's great. He said the guy is so talented. He played the song for Robin. Jim is doing an Ozzy impression as he sings the song. Howard said you have to be able to sing to do this. Jim does a voice that sounds like Axl Rose too. Howard said it was all good. He let the song play for a little longer and said the guy is such a talent. He said they'll hear from him today.
Howard said he wants to address something. He said he hates this. Howard said this story was written about him and it's 100 percent false. He said he loves the National Enquirer but they have a story about him that's entirely false. Howard said someone created a story about him and Howie being at odds with each other. He said they did this last year too. He said that they have one about him and Heidi Klum now. He said this just isn't true. Howard read the article where they say she hates him. Howard said he doesn't think this is true. He said they say that she has told him that. Howard said she has not told him anything like that.
Howard said they say that Heidi doesn't like him and she isn't happy with the way he has made fun of her and her mother. Howard said this isn't true. He's never done that. Howard said they say that she confronted him when they started taping. That didn't happen according to Howard. Howard said they say she canceled her appearance on the show and that's not true either.
Howard said Heidi has been nothing but nice and friendly to him. Howard said this is a complete fabrication. He said they can't have a source for this. He said if they do then the person sold them a pack of lies.
Howard read more of the article and kept pointing out the stuff that was false as he knew it. Howard said he heard that Heidi was actually happy to be there and wanted to sit next to him on the show. Howard said he has never been confronted by her and no such conversation has taken place. Howard said he doesn't like when they do this because he likes reading the Enquirer and he likes to believe that the stuff they write is true.
Howard read about Brad Pitt being back on drugs in the Enquirer. Howard said he wants to believe that. He wants to believe that Ann Curry is the neighbor from hell too. He said he will go along with anything that's true but this story is a cock and bull story. He said he's throwing this in the garbage where it belongs.
Howard said they have enough good stuff it there that they shouldn't have to make it up. Robin said maybe it helps the show. Howard said he's all for that if that's the case.
Howard said Katie Couric is getting a lot of coverage after hear appearance on the show. Howard said the people at AGT might think he's not a team player but he's doing two appearances. He said if you make one or two then it's more provocative than doing 25. Robin said he shouldn't even commit to doing an hour long show. Howard said he did that because he's only doing two shows. Howard said when you do too many then it's not as good as a couple of good ones.
Howard said Mike Walker is calling in to apologize. Howard picked up the phone and the guys in the back were playing Mike Walker audio clips to apologize. They had him farting and talking to Robin. Howard asked what he had to say. They didn't have anything good for him to say so Howard gave up on the bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the AGT people are putting the negative stories out there to trump up interest in the show. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said they don't like this kind of stuff. He said they have some nice people working in the publicity department at NBC. He said he knows them and they just aren't doing that. The caller said it seems like any publicity is good publicity. Howard said he knows but he doesn't think they're doing that.
Howard said he just wants to get through the season and not get caught up in bullshit. The caller asked how he handles that with Heidi and with people he actually has said things about. Howard said it's different. He said he has been to public events where he's seen someone that he's said something about. He said that Gary or someone will have to point out that he was the one who was the shithead first.
The caller told Howard he's not sure about this Lisa G bit. He said he thinks Ronnie is right that she just wants book promotion. Howard said the bit was great and he has to defend her on that. The caller said that whole cookie party thing was lame too. Howard said he agrees with that. Howard said he didn't like that. The caller said something doesn't smell right with this thing either. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard said something that smells funny is Richard's asshole. He said that's apparently a smelly mess when he opens it up to drink. Richard came in and said that he didn't know that they were going to do that bit yesterday. He said he didn't shower up. Richard said he shoved a bar of soap up there today to make sure he smells good. Howard said he just has to shower normally to clean up. Richard said he'll be prepared for that every day. Howard asked Richard when he took a dump. Richard said he took one this morning but showered right after.
Howard said he loves John Varvatos but he puts his tags inside the shirts on the side. He said he hates that. He said it's itchy. Howard said they print into the t-shirt on the neck but this label is annoying on the side.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the show has been amazing. He said he wanted to know if he thinks he's better looking than Paul Reubens. Howard said he just go scissors to cut his label out. Howard said he doesn't want to rip the shirt. Howard said he'll be right back with the caller. Howard cut the tag out of the shirt.
Howard said he thinks Paul Reubens is better looking than him. He said he thinks everyone is better looking than him. Robin said that is not true. Howard said he doesn't think High Pitch Eric is better looking than him but it is a contest. Howard said Elephant Boy is better looking than him. He said he is so ugly and vile that he can't look at himself. Robin said he's giving himself mental abuse. Howard said he doesn't like the way he looks and it's not getting better with age. He said it's so gross. Howard said seeing him naked is awful.
Howard said Drew Friedman has done some illustrations for him and he just did a nude drawing of Anthony Weiner on a couch. He said it was very funny. Howard said someone from Kimmel's show contacted him about doing an image of him naked with a shower cap on. Howard said Drew asked if it was okay to do. Howard said that would make him feel worse. Howard said he told him to draw a picture of Daniel Kellison instead.
Howard said when he looks in the mirror and sees what's going on with his body it's just disgusting. Robin said he's comparing himself to someone. Howard said he's comparing himself to the human race. Robin said he's comparing himself to some ideal. Howard said he thinks everyone there is better looking than him. He said Ralph is better looking. Robin said it's just not true. Howard said he wasn't blessed with looks. Howard said people get on him for his long hair but at least he has one good feature. He said it's just the one good feature he has.
Benjy asked if he thinks that his eyes are good. Howard said he has a butter face so it doesn't matter. He said he has nice hair and nice feet. Howard said that's his curse. He said he has nice feet. He said he'd rather have the feet of an orangutan and have good looks.
Gary said Katie Couric asked him if Howard knows he's good looking. Howard said he isn't good looking. He said she's not being truthful. Howard said Katie is in love with him for his mind, not his looks. Robin said his looks become pleasing when it happens like that. Howard said he doesn't want to talk about this anymore.
Howard said if he was a better looking guy he'd get more respect in this business. He said that's all he's going to say. Robin said people put up with a lot of shit with Howard. Howard said ''Oh please.'' Robin said Howard was talking to Maria and Kevin yesterday and Kevin was talking about how hard it is to be married to a celebrity. Robin said Howard is hard work. Howard said before he called Robin he was cuddling with Beth watching The Bachelorette. He said that show is so good. He said the guys are awful though. He said the most romantic thing you can do with your wife is watch all of those nim-nuts out there. Howard said one guy is worse than the next. Howard said one guy is in good shape but too good.
Howard said he has a news story about a 22 year old girl who had breast cancer. Howard said women at that age just don't get it. Howard played the clip and they were talking about how they have no explanation for it. They don't see it at that age. The news report had audio of the doctor talking about how unusual this is and then they said the girl was keeping her cell phone under her bra. They had audio of the woman talking about how she kept it there to hear or feel it easier. The doctor was saying that they have to look into this to figure out if it's the cell phones causing it.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about this. Robin said she sees people with the headphones on all the time. Howard said it's like an umbilical cord. Howard said his fellow judges are busy with their phones every minute. Howard said Howie is on the phone every second. Howard said Mel B is too. He said Heidi isn't so much. Howard said he is into his job and he's not on the phone all the time. Howard said he told all three of them that.
Howard said he puts his cell phone in his pocket and thinks about how he doesn't want cock cancer. He said that would be so embarrassing. Howard said every religious group would say that it's punishment. He said he needs that like he needs a hole in his head. Howard said his phone stays in his dressing room when he's working at America's Got Talent. Robin didn't know what he was talking about with that. Howard said when he's home he uses a desk phone and never a cell. He said Robin uses a cell at home. Robin said not really. She said she has a regular phone. Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have a tight schedule today.
Howard said they have song parodies coming in about Lisa and Ronnie. He played one about their kiss by Richard Christy. Howard said after 9/11 Leelee Sobieski did a poem on the Tonight Show. She did one about Ronnie and Lisa too. Howard played her original and the parody that they came up with.
Howard played a bit they created about the world reacting to the Ronnie and Lisa kiss. They had some audio of people commenting on tragedy in the news and things like that.
Howard said Ronnie admitted that he's had sex with about 50 women. He said that 3 of them were the Andrews Sisters. Howard said they found tons of moustache hairs stuck in Lisa's throat too. He said it looked like a ferret trying to climb up her nose.
Howard said Ronnie will be shaving his moustache in the shape of the Batman logo. He said that will happen on the Monday he gets back from Las Vegas. Howard said Lisa will shave the logo into her bush if there's enough room down there.
Howard said that his father did a recording of Old Man River over the weekend. Howard played the audio of that bit that they put together using old audio of Ben singing. They put his voice to music. Howard said that wasn't the only one. They put another song to music as well. They took Ben singing ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' and put it to more professional music.
Eric asked Howard about what happened to ''NO more bullshit'' tag line. Howard said that he has nothing to done with Eric's twitter account. Gary said Eric was threatening to sue them over that account. Eric said he's twisting it around. He said he isn't putting it past his family to sue if something happens to him. Gary read his note and he did say he wouldn't put it past his family to sue them. Eric said he's saying that because if something happens to his family. Howard said he's not responsible.
Eric said his fans are putting out his personal information. Howard said he doesn't have control over anyone who listens to his show. Howard said those people listen to other things too. Howard said he should quit Twitter and close his account. Eric said he can't keep in contact with people he likes to talk to then. Gary asked if that's more important than his family's safety. Howard said his family should sue him for putting them in danger with his twitter account. Howard said he has nothing to do with what his fans do. Eric said it's because of the way he's perceived on the show.
Howard said he's pissed him off now. He said that Eric is disturbed and he's done with him. He said that he has no one to blame other than himself. Howard said he does nothing but nice things for Eric and this is what he does to him. Howard said he's done with Eric forever. Howard said he's sick of him blaming him for all of his problems. Howard said this is the last straw.
Howard said Eric is the one who calls in. He said he didn't tell him to call in. Howard said he's done with Eric and he's not going to take his calls anymore. He said he's finally pissed him off. Howard asked if he has anything to say before he says goodbye to him. Howard said he's going to do that no more bullshit thing and not bullshit him. He said he won't have a problem with him if he doesn't call in.
Eric said he didn't say that he had a problem. Howard said he just said he paints him in a bad light. Howard said Eric has a problem and it's his brain. Howard said if someone treats you poorly then you just say goodbye. Howard said he did so many nice things for Eric and this is the thanks he gets. Howard said he's making veiled threats against him now.
Gary said that Eric has been threatening them and writing letters saying that they had better do this stuff. Howard said he introduced Eric to Johnny Fratto and people like that. Gary said that he won't get any work after this. Howard said he will get 0.0 acting gigs after he kicks him off the show. Howard said people are right when they say he is ungrateful. Eric said they are not. Howard said they are right. Howard said there isn't anyone who has done more for him than him. Howard said all he did today was blame him for the people he gets into fights with.
Howard said Eric is a bully. Eric said he is not. Howard said he is. Howard said he just said that he's responsible for his misery so he's done with him. Howard asked what he said to Gary. Howard said that he's not going to take his threats and not react to them. Howard said it's evil and twisted. Howard said he's been too nice to him and he's a bully. Eric said he's the one being bullied. Howard said he doesn't call Eric up and say that he's responsible for anything in his life.
Gary said that Eric is being bullied and he's bullying Howard over them. Howard said they're done after this. He said it doesn't matter now. Eric said fine but he knows this won't last. Howard said it will last. Gary said that's not a threat to make to Howard.
Eric said that the week of the 10th Johnny will have him back on the show. Howard said he's had it with Eric. Gary asked if he's going to do something so spectacular that they'll need him. Eric said ''I don't know.'' Howard asked if Courtney is there yet. Gary said she's not. Howard said he has allotted an hour for her but what are the chances she'll show up on time. Gary said it's 50/50. Howard just got a note saying she's in the elevator. Howard said he has to go. He said goodbye to Eric forever. Eric gave him a ''Bye.'' Howard said if he's such a bad guy then don't call in. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Courtney Love is there and he hasn't spoken to her in years. Howard said she's the one in charge of the Nirvana music. Courtney came in and said it's only been 3 years. Robin said that's a long time. Courtney said that this is her 14th year coming on the show. Howard asked why she was off for 3 years. Courtney said her record flopped. She said he knows she could have come on and talked about it though.
Howard asked Courtney about Twitter and what's going on with that. Courtney said she has learned about that and how she was sued for defamation when she called some people whores. Courtney said she didn't know what Twitter was at first and she said some things about a fashion designer that got her sued. Courtney said she has video of this person allegedly stealing from her. Then she got another suit that cost her $600,000. She said this is so minor and it's ongoing. Howard said he's not sure what that case is. Courtney said she's legal free right now. She said the person who sued her was a lawyer. Howard asked if she was talking about that person directly. Courtney said she believed what she said. She said that she felt that she had been abandoned by this person. She said she was answering someone's question and she said yes when she thought that this person had been corrupted.
Howard said Twitter is dangerous. Howard said he doesn't go around disparaging someone. Courtney said he does too. Howard said he only says it if he knows it to be 100 percent true and he can prove it. Howard said Courtney likes to lash out sometimes. Courtney said that she was told that someone may have been involved in prostitution. She said that's what she was going by. She said she has learned her lesson though. She said it cost her a million bucks though.
Howard asked why she doesn't just shut it down. Courtney said she makes money with it sometimes. She said she tweeted about an E-cigarette she was using and ended up making some money with that. Howard said she's worth like $100 million. Courtney said that's a little low. Courtney said she had an ex-boyfriend who was on the list and he was higher than her and she was upset about that.
Howard asked Courtney if she dated the guy who is dating Chelsea Handler. She said she didn't but she made a face that made Howard think she was. Howard asked if she's seeing this guy behind her back or something. Courtney said no. She said it meant nothing. She said she didn't date the guy. She made the face again. Howard laughed as she did it again.
Howard said he thinks that Twitter isn't for her. Courtney said she's very well behaved on there now. Howard asked why she cares about making money on Twitter if she's worth over $150 million. Courtney said she considers the Kurt Cobain money to be cursed so she has someone else handling that money. She said this other money is her's. Howard said he can't figure out what's going on with the Nirvana money. Howard asked Courtney about dealing with Dave Grohl and ''that other guy'' (Krist Novoselic). Courtney said she owns the publishing and the other two own the LLC which is t-shirts and stuff. She said her daughter gets 40 percent of the Nirvana money. Courtney said she sold 25 percent of Nirvana and the lawyer fucked her. She said that they tend to be that way out in California. Courtney told Howard about what the guy told her and how the deal worked. Courtney said there are some good ones out there but there are a lot that aren't so good.
Courtney said she was thinking about going to community college courses to learn about all of this stuff. She said Duff McKagan went to school so he could learn how to handle money and you know he's not going to screw anyone over.
Howard asked Courtney if she has a man in her life. Courtney said she doesn't talk about her personal life. Howard asked if she has lovers. Courtney said she has boyfriends but not lovers. She said she has fuck buddies. Howard said Courtney even says that she is sexually fantastic because she tries harder than the pretty girls. Courtney said there might be a quote out there about that.
Howard said Courtney tries harder and she's into making love. Howard asked what goes wrong. He asked if she wants to be married again. Courtney said she doesn't think she does.
Howard asked how she ended up doing LSD at 4 years old. She said her father gave it to her. Howard asked how that affected her as a mother. Courtney said she thinks she's doing really good as a mother right now. She said she only emails and talks to her on the phone. She said they don't see each other. Courtney said she hasn't seen her for 3 years. Howard said that must kill her. Courtney said Frances was surrounded by a bunch of people and she has a lot of money. Howard asked if Frances wants to be a performer. Courtney said she doesn't. She said that she's been offered a lot of movie roles and stuff but she hasn't taken them. She said she was offered the role of Bella in the Twilight movies. She said that Frances didn't want anything to do with it.
Courtney said Frances wants nothing to do with being Kurt's daughter or Courtney's daughter. She said she just wanted to be her own person.
Howard said that Courtney got into it with her daughter over Dave Grohl. Courtney said that Frances wanted to meet Dave on her own. She did that but then Courtney said she heard that Dave was saying things that were inappropriate. Courtney had to apologize after saying something on Twitter. Howard asked if she contacted Dave over that. Courtney said they don't even have each other's phone numbers. She said they're supposed to meet 3 times a year but they don't. She said that she was talking to Pat Smear and he was saying that it could be the lawyers that are causing all of this.
Howard said he thinks that Courtney should have called Frances and asked her if anything went on. Courtney said she admits it was stupid. She said that if she finds out it was true about Dave then she'll smack him. Howard asked if she's impressed that he was able to make a career after Nirvana. Courtney said that she was. She said they're huge now. She said she didn't know that they were so big. Howard said they're one of the few rock bands out there making a living. Courtney said Dave was always an ambitious boy.
Howard asked Courtney why she was upset with Dave Grohl performing with Paul McCartney. Courtney said she thought they were going to do a Nirvana song. She said she thought that would be kind of cheesy if they had. Howard asked Courtney if she's in the rock and roll hall of fame. Courtney said she's not but she's eligible in 3 years. She said she thinks she'll get in eventually.
Courtney said she wasn't even invited to the hall of fame induction a couple of years ago and she didn't think that was so cool. She said she would have liked to have been there for The Stooges induction. Courtney said she thought maybe she was on Jann's shit list or something.
Howard asked Courtney about the Nirvana thing and why she was upset with the Muppets performing one of their songs. Courtney said that brought her to her knees. She said that they took the management away from her and her daughter. Courtney said it was the lawyers who did this. She said that some guy named David was able to make that Muppet thing happen. She said she was brought to her knees over that. Courtney said that the movie Battleship offered $5 million for ''Teen Spirit'' and the Muppets made like $150,000. She said she fell on her knees and said she was jumping off the bridge. Courtney said that she and Frannie were talking about that and she said she hasn't found the right lawyer yet. She said that the guy she needs is going to be very expensive.
Howard asked Courtney about the tattoo she has that says ''Let it bleed'' on her arm. Courtney said she got one the way you're supposed to. She said she didn't do it like a poser. She said she just walked into a tattoo place and had them put it on her arm. Courtney said she was also taking Aderal back then.
Howard asked if she's drug free now. Courtney said she takes Ambien at night. Howard said he's done it a few times but he doesn't take it often. Courtney said she's not either.
Howard asked if she liked crack. Courtney said she hated it. Courtney said that she went to Bellvue and they took her off of that stuff. She said she saw hermaphrodites and people talking to satan there. She said that was just gross. Howard asked how she got off heroin. Courtney said she gave her word that she would never do it again to Milos Forman. She got off the stuff and lost 30 pounds.
Howard asked Courtney if she's Jewish. Courtney said he knows she is. She said her grandmother on her mother's side is. Howard asked if her parents were bad. Courtney said she didn't really know them. She said she was in boarding school by the age of 9. She said now her mother writes books about her. She said she doesn't keep in touch with her.
Howard asked about the first time she did heroin. Courtney said that Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers was there. Howard asked if she was shooting it. She said everyone was doing it back in the 90s. Courtney said she didn't do it herself, she had to have someone else give her the needle. Courtney said she had another dude do it or some woman.
Courtney said when she was 22 she and her friend kicked it and it wasn't so bad kicking it. She said Xanax and Valium are harder to kick. She said booze is too. She said she never really drank that much though. She said she might have a tequila shot once in a while.
Howard asked Courtney if she thinks that her health is going to be bad out on tour. Courtney said she thinks she's happier when she's out there. Howard said he has seen pictures of her on stage without panties on. She said she wore panties but they were skimpy. Howard said he has pictures where he can see her pussy. Howard showed her. She said that was a strip of fabric. Howard asked what it was like to have people fingering her when she was crowd surfing. Courtney said she was trying to prove a point. She said she was in pain and she got in the tour bus and went out and did shows. She said she didn't remember them because she was so wasted though.
Howard said Lana Del Ray did a cover of ''Heart Shaped Box'' and she wrote to her saying that it was about her vagina. Howard said Kurt wrote that song for her. Courtney gave him the lyrics and said that it wasn't a complimentarily song.
Howard asked if Courtney if she was still fucking Kurt before he died. She said he was weak and they weren't doing that at that time. Courtney said she thinks about what he would be doing now if he had lived. She said they might be divorced and he'd be living in the city somewhere. Howard said she'd probably be in a twitter war with him.
Courtney said that Kurt was only 27 years old. She said he just would have had to have gotten though some bad music things that happened and he'd be fine. She said that Limp Bizkit was the real end of rock.
Courtney told Howard that there's like hipster porn now. She said that show Girls has girls who aren't afraid of showing their jiggle parts and they're wearing horn rimmed glasses and stuff. She said she likes Girls and her friend Jemima is on the show.
Courtney said she has a few things to do there today at Sirius. She said she's going to be on the channel Lithium today. Howard thought she was saying she was on lithium. Courtney asked what the Opie and Anthony show is. Howard said they do a show there. Courtney asked if they're shock jocks. She said she doesn't know what they're about. She wondered what they'd be asking about. Howard said he doesn't know what they'll ask her.
Howard asked when she was last with a man. She said it was about a week and a half ago. Howard asked what kind of guy he is. Courtney said she's not going to say. She said she's been around him a few other times. She said she's not going to say who it is.
Howard asked why Courtney isn't calling her band Hole anymore. Courtney said that she's just calling it Courtney Love now. She said that she's sick of the negative reviews and things. She claims that someone in the band stole guitars from her. Howard said she has to say alleged. She said she has proof but Howard told her to say ''alleged'' anyway. Howard asked if it's difficult to be in a band with her. Courtney said she's fun to be in a band with.
Howard said Courtney claims that she was Lindsay Lohan's life coach. Courtney said she barely knows her. She said she never said that. She just said she should dye her hair back to red. Howard asked why she cares so much about her. Courtney said she doesn't. She was just trying to help.
Howard said Courtney tweeted out about Amanda Bynes and told her to pull it together. Howard said she called her ''dude'' in the tweet. Howard said that's an insult. Howard said telling her to pull it together isn't right. Courtney said that Amanda called her ugly and that rolls off her back. Courtney said that she wasn't insulting her. She said she told her to DM her so she could help her if she wanted the help. She said she knows a sober coach that could help. She said she's seen it work before.
Howard said Courtney once said to him that she had a lesbian affair with Kate Moss and no one made a big deal out of it. Courtney said that she never said her name. She said she just said it was an English model. Howard asked if it was Kate. Courtney said no. Robin said maybe it was Twiggy. Howard asked why Kate Moss was mad at her. Courtney said she wasn't that mad. Courtney said someone went back and listened to that show after it happened. She said that if she says something today that's controversial it'll be over in a few days. She said the person that did this was a PR person who hated her. Courtney said she read the transcripts and it says ''Boarding school'' and ''an English model'' so she never said it was Kate. Courtney said that she didn't go to Kate's wedding because of that.
Howard asked what it was like going down on Kate. Courtney said it never happened. Howard asked if it was hot. Courtney said it never happened.
Howard said people say that Courtney is crazy. Courtney said that she's not and she's not sure why they do that. Howard said a psychiatrist said that she's perfectly normal. Courtney said she took some tests and they found that she's not crazy.
Courtney said that she's doing a big show that she's not announcing yet. Howard asked if it's American Idol. Courtney said she's not going to say. Howard said he thinks that's fabulous if she is on Idol. Courtney said she won't say. She said that people think she's on crack and it's still 2004. Howard said if Dave Grohl was a judge on a talent show she would goof on him. Courtney said she's not sure what that means. Howard said she would be critical of him if he did. Courtney said Dave would never do that. She said that it comes down to a money thing with her and Dave. Courtney said that Pat Smear told her that Dave has said that the financial part is out of Dave's hands. Courtney said the financial situation is the problem there. Howard said that will always cause a rift. Courtney said she would not goof on Dave if he did a show. She doesn't think so anyway. She said she feels like Dave can afford to be a bitch and he just keeps going. Howard asked what Dave is worth. Courtney said they say online that it's like $440 million but it has to be more than that.
Howard asked Courtney if she would be a judge with Dave Grohl on X Factor. Courtney said Howard will watch this show that she's going to be on.
Howard asked Courtney about sucking Ted Nugent's dick when she was 14 and if she sticks to that story. She said she wrote it in her book. She said that Ted knew it too. She said she wasn't the only one either. She said she was in a yellow tube top and she had rose bud boobies but she shouldn't have been there. She said she should have walked out. Courtney said that this guy had girls waiting to go in there with him. She said she had to tell that secret on Howard's show. Howard said he feels sad around Courtney. She said that's because he's empathic.
Howard asked Courtney about this tour she's doing this summer. She said she's starting on June 20th. She said she's playing smaller places at first. She said she'll be playing a lot of new material. She said she's releasing a single after Prince releases his new single. She said she's on the same label. She said she'll put out the music after she starts the tour. Howard said that you have to go out and sell your music. Howard said you can find tickets on Ticketmaster.
Howard asked Courtney about going on The View and how odd that was. Courtney said she was going on to promote this e-cigarette. She said that they ended up confiscating it from her before she went on. Howard asked Courtney about her breasts and if they're real. She said that the bottom is silicone. She said she had a problem with a saline implant. Howard said he thinks she looks good these days. Howard asked if she has had any Botox. She said she hasn't done that in 4 years. She said she had it done 6 years ago. Courtney said she got her nose done too but that's it. She said she had to have her lips fixed after she had them blown up. Howard said he doesn't get that lip thing. Courtney said she was living in Beverly Hills and got caught up in that trout look.
Courtney said she doesn't think that she's going to be invited back based on this interview. She said they're not partying like usual. Howard said he likes this interview. He said he'll be listening to her music and hoping it's like her old stuff. Howard asked her to write a song about him. Courtney said alright to that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jim Breuer come in. Howard said he loves Jim. Howard had him come in to some rock music. Howard said he played Jim's song earlier. Jim said he just did that song at a friend's house about 2 months ago. Howard asked what made him think of this. Jim said one of his stand-up bits is about his favorite rock gods doing kid songs. Jim said people told him to do it so he did it. He said he thought it would be funny recording it. Jim said his friend told him that he had the audio of him coming up with the voices to sing with.
Howard said he knew he could do impressions. Jim said he was in a closet when he was doing this. He said he wrote the music and he would walk into the studio and do his Ozzy voice. He did some of that for Howard. He said he would do like 4 takes after figuring out the voice.
Howard said Jim can sing too. He said he is in tune and he's hitting the notes. Jim said Halford he used to imitate. He said he would argue with friends over him. He said he would practice singing like him. He said his father would come in and ask what he's doing. Howard asked if he ever tried to be a legitimate singer. Jim said he did for like an hour but he couldn't take himself too seriously. He said he dabbed in it in the SNL years. Howard said it's actually ''dabbled'' but told him to go on.
Howard said Jim is too smart, aside from dabbled, to get into singing. He said when you really look at them it's a ridiculous job. Jim pointed to the door referring to Courtney. He asked if she's actually gone from the compound. He said he hopes she is. He didn't want her coming in. Howard said she's gone.
Jim said when he was on SNL Molly Shannon did the funniest Courtney Love impression ever. He said she would come out and fall on the floor and fall asleep during an interview. Gary came in and said that Courtney just got back in. Howard said they should ask her about what she thought of that.
Jim said Courtney was on when the band Bush was on. They were all worried that she was going to come after Molly for doing the impression. Jim said that Molly was over the top. He doesn't know if they ever really crossed paths.
Howard had them bring Courtney back in. Howard said he wanted to ask about Molly. Howard asked Courtney if she remembers Jim from SNL. Courtney said she thinks she does. Jim asked her if she remembers that Molly thing. Courtney said that she loved Molly doing her. She said that she went to lunch with her and she did the impression even better after that.
Courtney said she didn't go nuts on Molly. She said that she went nuts on Lorne once for only letting Jane's Addiction do one song on the show. Jim said that they were too wasted to do another song. He said the lead singer came off stage and asked if they could do that song over again. They had just done it live. Courtney said that they were too wasted to stick up for themselves so she had to do that for them.
Howard said he thought Courtney quit smoking but she was out in the hall smoking. She said she smokes sometimes. Courtney said she just came in to clear her name. She said goodbye to Howard and called him ''Skipper.'' Howard said that's insulting. She called him ''daddy'' instead. She said she just found out how old he is and it was shocking to her.
Howard asked why they're giving out his age to every guest. Howard said she should call Jim Daddy, not him. Howard said he's only 48. Courtney said Howard is 48 and she's only 40. Courtney said she had to get going. She had to do that other shock jock show.
Howard asked Jim how old he is. Jim said he's 46 this year. Howard said he felt so good at 46. He said he was in great shape and he thinks he met Beth around that time. Howard said when you hit 50 it turns shitty. Jim said he has 4 good years then. Howard said it's for everyone too. Gary came in and said that sometimes you get out of bed and shit just hurts. Jim said he's pulled his back out doing nothing. Howard said he's only 46.
Gary said he had a neck injury because he didn't want to hit a squirrel. Gary also told Jim that Courtney is gone now. He said he didn't know that she was in the bathroom.
Jim said Courtney was pissed at Molly and when she came on the show she was laying on the floor in the hallway. He said it was really sad and he's traumatized over it.
Howard said he thinks Jim is a genius. Howard said he does the impressions and all of this other stuff. Howard said when he sings he's in tune and that's incredible to him too. He said that being a rock star is comical when you see them on stage. Jim said he's heard Jack Black and he's a ridiculous talent. He said he can sing and he's wondering why he doesn't do just one song seriously. He said once you do that you don't know if it's hokey or not. Howard said Jimmy Fallon is a great singer too. He won't do that either. Jim said he goes back and forth on this. He said you have to do a video or something. He said at the end of the day he's a comedian. Case closed.
Howard played some of the song he played earlier in the show. Jim sings ''BINGO'' as Ozzy and some other rock stars in this song. He does his Halford and Hetfield impressions along with his Brian Johnson impression.
Howard asked why music is so important. Jim said there are two things that people connect to. Howard figured one of them was pussy. Jim said not everyone connects to that. Jim said it's laughter and music. Howard said Jim worships these guys. Jim said he's really a Beatles guy. He said he loves George Harrison and John Lennon. Howard said what those guys did was amazing. He said that all four of them had hit songs. Howard asked if they have any really shitty songs. He said he wonders that about Blue Jay Way. Jim said there has to be shitty songs. Howard said he likes that song ''You Know My Name'' but some people hate it. Howard said Jim doesn't even know the song. Howard sang it to him. Jim didn't know it.
Howard had Fred play the song for Jim. Howard said he's not sure who is even singing the song. Howard said it's one of his favorite Beatles songs. He said he loved it. Jim asked if he saw Love out in Vegas. Howard said he did. He said he loved it. Jim asked if he cried. Howard said he doesn't cry. The last time he did was when his dog Bianca cried. Howard said he cried in front of his daughter a few years ago. Jim said that dogs can make you emotional. He said he had a dog named Mookie and he got the call that the dog died. He said he wanted to fly to Florida to say goodbye to the dog but his mom told him how the dog was shitting all over the place in the house. She just put him to sleep.
Howard asked if it's true that on the days he watches his dad he won't feed him so he won't shit. Jim said yes to that. Jim said he gave him a couple of beers instead. He said his father has such dementia that he has a whole show every night with him. Howard asked if it works when he doesn't feed him. Jim said it does 100 percent. He said his dad doesn't even complain. He said if you feed him he'll just keep eating. He said the nurse will bring him on the toilet and all of that. He said she puts the glove on and goes diving in there. He said she doesn't even heave like he does. Jim said the smell is god awful.
Howard asked if he prays that his dad's life comes to a peaceful end. Jim said he goes down before he wakes up and stares at him. He said that he's old so his teeth are out. He said they look like they're in a casket when you look at them. He said he will see if he's still breathing. He said he figures he has another day when he sees he's still breathing. Howard asked if he has any resentment toward him at all. Jim said he doesn't. He said he used to get pissed when he'd ask if he had to go to the bathroom and he'd say no a few times and then he'd have to go at the last moment. Howard said the human body is so gross. He wondered why we were built like that.
Jim said he recorded a conversation he had with a friend of his father's. He said that this guy told him how funny his dad was and how he loved playing practical jokes. Jim said he asked what kind of jokes he would pull. His dad was working in a bar and he once told one of the two guys that were coming in that the other guy was hard of hearing so he had to yell. He said that he told the other guy the other guy was hard of hearing too. They were in the bar yelling at each other.
Howard said he's baffled by Jim. He said he knows his wife had a double mastectomy. Howard said he told him that last time he was there. Jim said she had a lump on her breast and she was monitoring it. Jim said she monitors everything. Jim said she woke up one morning and her boob was aching. He said that was when they found it. Jim said they found another one growing in the other tit. It was good that she got them removed. Now she's got a C-cup after being rebuilt. Jim said she has no nipples so she looks like a mannequin. Jim said she always wanted boobs so now she has them. Jim said he likes it because she feels great. He said she looks really good. Howard asked if he plays with those titties. Jim said he's not sure how to. He said he doesn't know the line.
Howard said the thing he's upset about is that Jim stopped his wife from getting Chemo. Jim said that when you hear cancer you think death. He said that they met with every special doctor and they went to the guy Howard suggested. Jim said they went through all of this and it was his wife who made the decision. Jim said when they met with these specialists they were creeped out. Jim said they walked in and this one guy was asking if they had found their support group. Howard said he's right. Jim said no. Jim said the doctor said they need a support group. Jim said they didn't need one. He said the doctor kept talking to his wife and telling her she wasn't going to die. Howard asked what this had to do with Chemo. Jim said the doctor says that he's going to examine her and asked him to stay in there. Jim said this guy was talking to his wife and holding her way too close. He said he was in between her legs holding her thighs and leaning in gushing. Howard asked if she's that hot. Jim said she's really beautiful. He said he felt that he was being inappropriate. Jim said his wife leaned back and gave him the look like ''What the fuck?'' Jim said he stood up and the doctor left the room and didn't come back. He said his wife wanted nothing to do with that guy.
Jim told Howard that they learned that sugar is loved by Cancer. He said that they were learning all of this stuff. Howard asked what this has to do with Chemo. Jim said he asked a doctor about her immune system and the guy got annoyed that he asked a question. Jim said they told them that they would give her shots to help with that. Jim said he asked the doctor another question and he turned to his wife and said ''sweetheart...'' Jim said that they asked about holistic stuff and the guy's body language changed and they felt like this was all about the money. Jim said they went to a second doctor and that guy wasn't as bad. Jim said he just came in with his pants down panting.
Jim said they went to a biochemist. He said that they read your blood and figure out if you need Chemo. He said the biochemist read his wife's blood and in literally 5 minutes told her that she got the cancer because she was on birth control. Jim said that the guy said that the number of women who get cancer and are on birth control is crazy. Howard said he would never want his wife doing that. He said he wouldn't expect his wife to be on it. Jim said you're changing your hormones. He said the cancer will start and wait 15-20 years and come out. He said the biochemist told her to stay away from certain foods and she'd be fine. Howard asked what foods to stay away from. Jim said anything sugar or processed foods. Jim said that they eat meat and chicken and vegetables and all of that stuff. He said he had a fruit shake this morning.
Jim told Howard his wife looks great. He said he tries to get shots of her ass all the time. He said he had to ask her not to wear her yoga pants in the house. He said it's so hot. Jim said he can't run with her because he can't take it when she's in front of him.
Howard said someone saw Jim standing in line at the X-Factor auditions. Howard asked if things have gotten that bad. Jim said it wasn't him. He said it was his daughter. Jim said that he stood on line with his daughter. He said he was disguised like the Unabomber so no one would recognize him. He said his daughter started singing a few years ago and she sounds great. He said they had a crowd of people watching her sing. He said she sings Katy Perry. Jim said it was cute and fun but then she sang at a piano recital and he was floored. Jim said she wanted to try out for X-Factor and he was okay with that. He said they came to Long Island so they showed up at like 5:30 in the morning and there were like 6,000 people ahead of them. It was like 30 degrees out. He said that they got inside around 2:30 in the afternoon. Jim said that they're missing the ball when it comes to the line of people. He said he was hanging out with some black people and everyone is out there singing. Jim said the black guys next to him were booing other people and asking who brought the cat. He said they were hilarious. He said they were shooting down everyone.
Howard asked if his daughter got her audition. Jim said she did. He said that she made it past the first round. He said he was blown away that this 14 year old was able to do this. Howard said he could never have done something like that at 14. Jim said he couldn't have either.
Jim said he's concerned about this whole thing. He said that he knows where it can lead. He said that if someone doesn't teach you how to fail you're not going to stay there. He said you have to know how to deal with that stuff and accept it. Robin said Jim knows how to teach her that so what has he taught her. Jim said he talks to her a lot about that stuff.
Howard said Jim has a stand-up special on Epix called ''And Laughter For All.'' Howard asked how you get Epix. Jim said that's a great question. He said he knows you can get it through xBox. Jim said he went in with a company called New Wave and they did this special. He said he's going to do another special and probably do that this winter. Howard asked if he's having fun. Jim said he's having a ball. He said that a lot of this has to do with Howard too. He said the fans come out to see you and they will judge you. He said that he owes a lot to Howard Stern and company and his fan base. He said the fans come out in droves. He said he was in Biloxi and they were yelling out Baba Booey. He said they follow and they'll come out and see him a few times. Jim said he has to keep changing. Howard gave him some more plugs and said you can see him hosting Levity Live on AXS TV. Howard asked what that is. Jim said it's an awesome channel. Howard asked where he can find that. Jim said he has it on Dish network. He said they have it on DirecTV too. Jim said they have great music on the channel and it's live stuff. He said you feel like you're live at the concert. He said it's mind blowing.
Howard said you can find out more tour dates for Jim at JimBreuer.com
Howard replayed Jim's ''BINGO'' song. Jim went through all of the voices in the song telling Howard who he was doing in each part. Jim told Howard that he's with CAA now. He said he's going to see what these boys can do. Jim said the 5 year plan is starting to take after 5 years. Howard said he's proud of Jim. Jim told Howard that he has done some great interviews lately. He said he loved that Katie Couric interview. He said he can tell he has respect for her. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked if Boston is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. They're not. Howard said the guy who wrote their songs is a genius. He said he invented the Rock Man and other stuff too. Howard said he should be in the hall of fame. Fred agreed. Howard said Emerson Lake and Palmer and Yes aren't in the hall of fame either. Gary said Chicago isn't in there either. Howard said Gary is caught up on them.
Howard said that when he wanted to move to Satellite he had an Epiphany to start a news department there. Howard said they called it Howard 100 News. Howard said his feeling at the time was to have a news department and have a certain sound with it. Howard said he heard it in his head and he knew what it should sound like. He said it entertained him in his head and he'd laugh about it. Howard said Walt Sabo was there at the company at the time and he told Walt they had to sound right. Howard said Walt went out and found some announcer types. Then he found the voice. The guy with the right delivery stepped into his life. Howard said that man's name was Ralph Howard. Howard said it's a ridiculous name. He said it was Kismet. Howard said that was the voice he heard in his head.
Howard had Ralph Howard in the studio. Howard said he was there when the news department was born. Ralph said it turned out to be a wonderful product. He said they have more fun than Howard does. Howard said they really do. Howard said Ralph was in his head in his shower with him. Ralph said he has told him that.
Howard said Ralph Howard was the voice of Howard 100 News and today is a sad day because he's retiring from Howard 100 News. Howard asked if he can talk him into staying. Ralph said no. Ralph said this is the best job he's ever had. He said he has worked with the top news companies. He said he worked at WBBM in Chicago and others. Howard asked how he got into radio. Ralph said he started practicing at the age of 11.
Howard said they're sad to see Ralph go. Howard said everyone but Gary is happy. He was just joking. Gary said the audience doesn't know he's joking. Howard said he just wanted to give him a gift. He said this is from the staff there. Howard presented it to Ralph.
Ralph said it's been a thrill working with Howard. He said Howard is always the big guy in town. He said he thinks Howard is brilliant and he loves the relationship between Howard and Robin. Howard said Ralph has been wonderful there.
Ralph opened up his gift. He said he just got worn out and he has to take a break. He said tomorrow he's going to see one of his daughters in Arkansas. Ralph's gift was a Bose Wave radio. He said that's just what he wanted. Ralph said he's going on Jury Duty when he gets back from Arkansas. He said he's going to Dublin in December.
Ralph also got a dock and play home kit as a gift. Gary told him that he can get Sirius easily that way. Howard said because it's his last day today they have a special thing for him. He said Richard Christy is going to come in and toast him with champagne with his ass. Ralph said ''Oh my god.'' Richard said that he loves Ralph and he's bonded with him over Halloween.
Howard said they had a bottle of Crystal and Richard is going to sip from that. Howard said they have a Casey Kasem-like clip where Ralph screws up. Howard played the clip and Ralph screwed up a line about JD and said ''Lets do the whole fucking thing over.''
Howard asked JD if he had anything to say to Ralph. JD said that he loves Ralph and it was an honor working with him. Howard had the guys pour the champagne in Richard's asshole. Richard said it was delicious. Howard said he didn't spill a drop of it. Richard said they also have Caviar to go with the champagne. JD poured the champagne and put the caviar in his ass for him. Howard said they can't have a touching moment without something ridiculous happening.
Howard said that was in honor of Ralph. Richard said he wanted some orange juice to go along with that. Howard kicked them out.
Howard asked Ralph how long he's been in the business. Ralph said it's been 53 years. He said he doesn't know if he'll miss it. Howard said Ralph is a good man and it was an honor to have him there. He said he made the whole thing work. Howard said he always saw Ralph there working hard and he's a super guy. He said he can't thank him enough. Ralph said it's been a thrill to be there. He said he loves everyone, even Fred. Howard sang to him a little bit and said maybe his dad should sing to him instead. He played the song he played earlier where his dad was singing ''Old Man River.'' Howard said he wanted him to sing ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' instead. Fred played that instead. Howard sang along with it a little bit.
Howard let Ralph go a short time later. Gary said Lisa and Shuli were out there in the hall crying. He said that Shuli said that he was like a father to him. Howard had Shuli and Lisa come in to talk about Ralph.
Lisa said she grew up in New York and he was the voice of 1010 WINS so it was emotional for her. Howard asked when she cried. She said it was when he first walked in there. Howard asked Shuli what happened to him. Shuli said Ralph is just a great guy. He still sounded upset. He said he has been a huge supporter of his since he started there and he's going to miss him. Shuli said he was almost there with his crying. He said he's sorry he showed feelings in this den of robots.
Lisa said she wanted to put Ralph's jacket in the studio like they do with athlete's uniforms. Howard said he wants to say that Ralph is a great guy and now they'll never see him in the studio again. Shuli said it sucks. He said he is the news room. Howard was trying to get them to cry. Lisa said he really helped Shuli. Lisa said when Shuli was going through a really rough time Ralph pulled him through. Howard asked what he did for him. Shuli said he was a friend and he was just there for him. He said he listened to him and he was great. Lisa said she knew how much that meant to him.
High Pitch Mike came in and said that Ralph went through a horrible lung transplant. He said they were worried about him for a long time. Howard said he's a great guy and they'll all miss him. Mike said Ralph once went to a Barbra Streisand concert and Richard Simmons hit on him. Howard said Richard is straight, what is he talking about. Mike said that was Ralph's perception then.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she can't believe Ralph is leaving. She said that he would come and say hello to her every time she was up there. Howard hung up on her so he could move on to the news.
Howard said that he saw that a drone took out the number 2 guy in the Taliban. Howard said that would be like the terrorists getting Joe Biden. Howard said no one really cares.
Howard said Larry King is returning to TV on a Russian TV channel. Howard said in the Soviet Union he's a sex symbol. Howard said that guy likes to work. He's like 80 or something. Howard did his Larry King impression for a short time. Howard said he's guessing that most of his calls will be from Richard and Sal.
Robin started her news with a story about Will Smith's new movie ''After Earth.'' Robin said it got one star in one paper and zero stars in another paper. Howard said one star sounds pretty good. Howard said that's the one with his son. Robin said they say that Will's son can't hold the screen like his father can. Robin said they say it's a bit of a snoozer. Howard said he's looking forward to World War Z. He said he was invited to a screening and a dinner with Brad Pitt but it sounded like his worst nightmare. Howard said he knows most women would like that but it's more interesting for him to put his head on a pillow and sleep. JD came in and said that the screenings were filled with celebrities. He said the movie got good reviews from the people who saw it. Howard said that people just want to see shit blowing up. He said Brad is done being serious with his movies and that's what he needs to do. He said he's there for an Iron Man movie or Spider-Man or even a World War Z.
Robin said that Hugh Jackman is on a diet getting ready for a new Wolverine movie. Howard said he's a good dude. Robin said he has a plan. Howard asked what he's doing. Robin said he does something called the 16-8 diet. She said he fasts for 16 hours and then between 10am and 6 at night he eats about 5,000 calories. Howard said he doesn't eat that much and he only eats between those hours. He said he only grazes between 5 and 8. He said he's on the ''12... and whatever is left after that'' diet. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 10:00am, Robin read a story about Oprah Winfrey going to be making a commencement speech at a college. Howard did an impression of what that might sound like. He did his Oprah voice and talked about Maya Angelou and other things Oprah would talk about in a speech. Howard said the guys had some audio of that and snored as he listened. Howard said he'd rather hear a JD graduation speech. Robin said she'd rather hear Howard doing his Oprah impression. Howard said he'd do that as Oprah if anyone wants him to. He played some of that speech the guys found and goofed on her about being so pompous. Howard said that was the worst commencement speech ever. He said it probably went on for an hour. Howard said that she is a bore. Howard said he likes her interviews but this speech is just drivel.
Robin said the worst thing to do is to go surfing during a hurricane. Robin said that an American surfer is dead thanks to hurricane Barbara. Robin said he was 61 years old. He died while surfing with friends while the hurricane was making landfall. Robin said he was taken by the tides that were whipped up by the storm.
Robin said Nasdaq is going to pay a fine based on their Facebook initial offering screw up. Robin said they didn't expect the demand for the traffic they got.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he knows Howard has seen Star Trek. He started rambling about the movie and said it's a whole time line manipulation. Howard told him to call another show. Howard hung up on him.
Robin asked Howard if he knows what Google Glass is. Howard said last night he was reading something about Google Glass. He said he had to Google it to find out what it was. Howard said it was absolutely useless. Howard said he started to think that it was glasses you wear. Robin said he's right. Howard said it's hard to tell what it is. Howard read a live commercial a short time later.
Robin read a story about how the Pakistani Taliban's second in charge was taken out by a drone strike. The White House has not confirmed this yet. Robin said that they say that his body was buried last night in an undisclosed location.
Robin said an envelope with Ricin in it was delivered to an anti-gun group and Mayor Bloomberg. Robin said that the people who opened the letters didn't know what was going on. Robin said one person came down with mild symptoms of Ricin poisoning. Howard said just because you disagree with someone doesn't mean you have to kill them. He said he was watching Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel and they were talking about how officials in kid's sports are getting so violent that the refs are afraid for their lives. Howard had a clip from the show where a ref was talking about how he was attacked on the field after he called a game and said he was going to leave. His life was threatened as he was walking away. Howard said it's apparently become an epidemic. Gary said the visual on that is crazy. He said he had like 25 people on him and he had to crawl out of the pile. Now he parks his car nearby so he can get out of there. Robin said it's not a sport if you can't handle losing.
Howard had another clip from Real Sports where they were talking to a ref who was injured so bad that he was afraid to be at the field he was on when he was attacked. That guy was hit in the face with a helmet. His whole face was smashed. The ref said that every bone in his face, except his jaw, was broken. Gary said the show stated out talking about a coach that was killed by a student.
Gary said he was coaching a game where the police had to be called. It was a 7th grade game. Gary said it was really hot out that day. He said that if an official needs water you give it to them. Gary said the other team refused to give the official water.
Howard said that Hank from the Larry Sanders show (Jeffrey Tambor) will be on Geektinme this week. He suggested people check that out.
Robin said that they say that up to 80 percent of strokes could be prevented. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about how many neurons die for every minute of a stroke and what the best thing to do is when someone is having a stroke.
Ralph called in and said that Google Glass is really cool. He said that it could be like that stuff they had in RoboCop. Howard said he didn't like going to see a 3D movie because he's afraid it's going to screw up his vision. Howard said he wouldn't use that Google Glass stuff. Gary said he just watched the greatest thing ever. He said he saw a guy watching porn on Google Glass. He said it was really cool. Howard said you can walk down the street jerking off. Howard thanked Ralph and asked when GEEKTIME is on. Ralph said tomorrow at noon.
Robin said that woemn's purses can be very filthy. Robin said it can be cleaner than a toilet seat. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how they should clean a purse.
Robin read a story about some of the victims in the Boston Bombings getting a visit from Michelle Obama. Howard said that he heard that the little creep who set off one of those bombs is getting his voice back and the first call he made was to his mommy in Russia. Howard said they should blow his legs off. That led to Howard playing the audio of women on the street saying that they would sleep with that Boston bomber before Howard Stern. Howard was arguing with the tape and said that he's getting aggravated again.
Howard played a Sexy Tip from Ronnie the Limo Driver where he talks about the squirting thing. Howard had just been doing his impression of Ronnie talking about the squirting thing. Howard said he wishes Ronnie would explain that again. He said that Dr. Drew wrote him a letter saying that Ronnie was right about the squirt not being urine. Howard said Ronnie says it's pre-cum.
Ronnie said he has video of a girl in Atlantic City squirting. Howard said Tabitha Stevens told Shuli that it is piss. Ronnie said he saw this girl for himself. He said it's not piss. Ronnie said that this girl went into the bathroom with the girl and she had Ben Wah balls in her pussy. He said she pulled them out and she blew her load all over the place. Then she peed after that. He said he doesn't know where this stuff comes from but it's not piss.
Ronnie called Rachel Fine to come in and explain it. Rachel said she did tape it. She said that she pulled out the balls and this fluid just squirted out. She said she was right there watching this. She said the girl sat down and peed after that. She said she squirted like 3 or 4 times after that. She said it was really wild.
Howard had the letter from Dr. Drew who said that Ronnie could be right. He said that there are times when it's urine but women do have a gland that can produce fluid similar to the prostate. Ronnie said when it shoots out like that it is cum. He said it's not pee. They played a song parody for Ronnie after that.
Howard said he heard Ronnie on the Wrap Up Show saying he would make out with a guy. Howard asked if he's bi-sexual. Ronnie said he's not. Howard said he has to be. He said Ronnie talks about getting blown by a guy so he must be. Ronnie said they cut that clip up the wrong way. He said he's not bi. Howard wadi he's all for it if he is. They played his ''I'm Scoresman...'' clip where he says he's all about meeting girls and meeting guys.
Howard asked Ronnie what Stephanie thought about him making out with Lisa G. Ronnie said she was fine with it. He said she didn't know it was happening yesterday but no one did. He said she woke up and got on Twitter and saw the thing from Howard TV. He said it kind of shocked her. Howard asked if Ronnie thought about it at all. Ronnie said it was cool. Howard asked if he thought about palming her ass when he got home. Ronnie said he thought it was funny. He said he told her this morning it was cool.
Howard said he heard Ronnie made Stephanie cry this weekend when he told some guy not to get married. Howard said that was just gossip. Ronnie said that's not true. Shuli came in and said that Ronnie made an announcement telling a guy not to do it and he's never making that mistake again. He said that got back stage and Stephanie was upset about it. Ronnie said she wasn't upset about that. Ronnie told Howard to remind him to ask about a camera later. Howard said Ronnie works for him. He doesn't have to remind him.
Robin said it's time to de-stigmatize mental illness. Robin said people are speaking out about mental illness. Robin said Glenn Close is one. She was on Piers Morgan talking about Angelina Jolie and Catherine Zeta Jones building their careers with mental illness. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they're asking the wrong guy about sex tips. He said Benjy is the one they should be asking. He said that he's with hot girls and he's done things with strippers. He said he should tell us the sequence. Jon said the problem with Benjy is that you're going to get a lengthy description. He said Howard doesn't have the patience for that. Jon said he doesn't think anyone would dispute that he has the most vast experiences there. Jon said he had to take a break after that.
Gary said that there is something fatherly about Ralph. He said he brings people back by the news room and people smile. He said they know that voice. Jon said he's respected by everyone there and you just know that voice. Jon said he doesn't think that anyone has a bad word to say about Ralph around there.
Jon asked Ralph about what it's been like there. Ralph said that they have a lot of fun in that news room. Gary asked him to explain his obsession with Lana Del Ray. Ralph said it's there to annoy Gary. He said that he does like her and finds her fascinating. He said she sings well too.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ralph Howard's voice is in the movie Goodfellas. Ralph said he wasn't in that but he was in a couple of other movies. One of them was The Paper with Glenn Close and Ron Howard. Ralph said he was also in a movie with Susan Sarandon screaming at her. He said she says ''fuck you'' and slams the door in his face. Ralph said that might be the first time he's ever said that word on the air, ever.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if he would do a Fine Time before he leaves. Ralph said no one asked him to do it. The caller said she wants to know what he looks like. Ralph said he's sure they'll have something on the Howard Stern web site at some point.
Jon asked Ralph if he made a point not to get mixed up on the show. Ralph said he did. He said he thought it would be better to just be the anchor guy. He said he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle it very well. He said it was a conscious decision not to go in there. Gary said that might be why people love him. He doesn't get too involved.
Jon Leiberman said that Ralph's work ethic is impeccable. He said he writes his own copy and pulls his own sound bytes. He said that one thing they'll miss about Ralph is that he would disappear for an hour or so and they'd always find him surrounded by a number of women. He said that there isn't one woman there at Sirius who doesn't know who he is. Jon said that all they had to do was walk a few feet to find him surrounded by a bevy of women. He said they'll miss that in the news room because he had them visit in there.
Gary asked if it's like having a cute puppy with you. Jon said it's even better because he's an older puppy. Jon said that you get to hear some great stories from Ralph around there too so that's what he'll miss the most. Gary said Ralph has seen them all there. He said he's seen many come and go. He has seen Penny Crone and George Flowers come and go. Ralph cut himself off from saying something about George. He said he should be gracious going out on his last day. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary if he would make out with High Pitch Mike for a million dollars. Gary said he knows he's trying to make an example out of him but he thinks that he'd do it. He said he'd have a lot of money left over after a bottle of mouth wash like Bob Schimmel used to say.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's ever been involved with girls and other guys. Ronnie said he did but not directly with a guy. He said he and this guy were sharing a girl and they were running back and forth between the rooms taking turns with the girls.
Jon asked Ronnie about Ralph Howard and what he thinks about him. Ronnie said he's a great guy and he's always worried about everyone else. Ronnie said he's a great guy and he loves him to death. He said they never had a bad word to say to each other. Ralph thanked him for that. Ralph said he had a great time working there.
Jon brought up how Jim Breuer was surprised by Courtney being there when they thought she was gone. Ronnie said she was almost gone but she had to use the bathroom. Gary said he thought he saw her walk out the door. Ronnie said he did. Ronnie said she was in the bathroom and she came flying out of the bathroom after hearing the show in there. They said the look on Jim's face was great because he had no idea what she was going to do.
Jon also brought up Eric the Actor who got himself kicked off the show after crossing the line with Howard. Gary said he sent the letter that he got from Eric and he said that if anything happens to him, it's on them. Gary said if you're being harassed on Twitter then don't be on twitter. He said that he thinks that he's being harassed because of them but it's actually himself. Eric said that he has stopped blocking people. He said that gives them too much satisfaction. He said he won't block anyone.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Ronnie shouldn't have gotten so defensive about not being gay. She said that she hopes they don't take Eric's calls anymore. She said that he's really not appreciative of what he gets from the show. Gary said he is wondering what Johnny Fratto is going to tell him to try to get him back on the show. Gary said he knows he'll get the call and he probably won't care about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he hopes Howard sticks to his word and doesn't let that annoying midget back on. He said Eric blew it and he fucked himself. He said he did this to himself.
Gary said Eric lost it on Howard and that's the wrong thing to do. Jon said he was scrambling today. Gary said even when he realized he did wrong he didn't even try to fix it.
Jon said that Howard was talking about his looks today and he was very hard on himself. Gary said he knows. Ronnie said Howard is a different person when you're with him.
Ronnie said Eric's sweet and innocent but when he's on the phone it's like his weapon. He said Twitter is his weapon too. He said people get to him with that stuff. He said he takes his anger out on the show when he calls in. Ronnie said Eric is a meek little quiet guy off the air. He said it's a whole different guy. They spent a minute talking about that and had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:30am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 12:00pm.