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Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about The Wallflowrs wondering what happened to them. He said they were so good and then what happened to them? Robin said they put out another record but it didn't go anywhere. Howard said they play those new songs and you want to kill them at a concert.
Howard said they're back live and he gets hammered about that when they're away. Howard said people hate when they take vacation. He said he was so sick the whole time. Howard said he was out in L.A. doing America's Got Talent and the weather was great. He said he has bronchitis and that's self diagnosed. He said he has never coughed and hacked up like he did out there. He said it was the worst week ever. Howard said NBC was really nice about it though. He said when they tape shows they make it 15-16 hour days. He said they don't start taping until 1 in the afternoon but sometimes they'll have them get there at 9 in the morning. He said the days were getting really long. He said he was barely able to keep his eyes open. He said by the time they were on the air he was exhausted.
Howard said the promotions department will book them for something and then they'll tape other stuff and they're not keeping track of the time. Howard said he and his agent went to them and said they thought he was dying over there. Robin asked if anyone noticed. Howard said Howie did because he's germ phobic. He said that Mel B and Heidi didn't seem to care. He said he was very grumpy judging though. He said he was angry and hostile.
Howard said he told Heidi to keep her distance and she said she drinks special drinks and stuff so she's healthy and not worried. Howard said he isn't better yet. He said he's still sick. He said he talked to his mother over the weekend and she asked what he did to get sick. Robin said she almost did that to him too. Howard said his mom called Beth and asked how he was feeling and Beth told her he was perfect. She didn't want her to worry. Howard said he told his mom he was doing okay and she freaked out saying that Beth told her he was fine. Howard said she thinks something is wrong.
Howard said his mom was asking if he eats well and things like that. He said that she just keeps asking why it happens. Howard said she was asking if he was near people and things like that. Howard said he understands why she worries because people just died in her life a lot. He said that her mom died and they didn't even tell her about it.
Howard mentioned that Mike Tyson is coming in today. Robin said Mike Gange is a big fan of his stage show. Howard said he has a lot of things to talk to him about today.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he is just looking at talent and doing nothing while he's doing AGT. Howard said he assumes that's all he's doing but he uses his voice for a living and people rely on him to be up and interesting. Howard said he has to do a good job. The caller kept talking over him as he'd try to talk. The caller said Howard is good even when he's sick. Howard said he's good because he cares. Howard said it's irrelevant to him how much money he has. He said he was doing the same job making $96 a week. The caller said he does work when he's sick. Howard said he does something different though. The caller said he paints bridges. Howard said that's not a job where people have to hear you speak. Howard said the reason people love him is because he cares. He said it's irrelevant how much he's making. He said he wants to do a good job.
Howard said it's funny with people. He said they think people are motivated by money. Howard said everyone wants to be paid well but some people don't give a rats ass about the money. Howard said he wanted to get on radio and sound good. He said he wanted people to respect him for what he did for a living. Robin said money doesn't make you motivated to be really good at something.
Howard said he knew Matt Lauer years ago when he was doing his FOX TV pilots. Howard said they wanted him to replace Joan Rivers over there. Howard said FOX didn't think her show was doing very well. He said they wanted him to replace her. He said he didn't have much interest in that late night thing. Howard said radio was his thing and he didn't see it as a win-win. Howard said Matt Lauer was out of work at the time and he was the voice of HBO. Howard said in between the movies they'd have him doing the promos for the movies that were coming up. He said that went away and Matt was at a crossroads. Howard said he wasn't sure if he had a future in TV. Howard said Matt was going to buy a lawn service. Then NBC called and said they needed a news reader. He worked his way up and became the anchor of the Today show. Howard said he got a lucky break and worked really hard at it.
Howard said they finally paid Matt $25 million and now people get angry at him for making so much money. Howard said they were picking him apart in the newspaper about his boat. Howard said the guy has a day off and he's out on his boat that he can afford to own. Howard said it's insane what goes on in the media. He said the guy worked hard and he made it.
Howard said that he was reading about this Gwyneth Paltrow thing. He said that People magazine named her the most beautiful woman in the world and people were writing letters to the editor about how she's not that beautiful. Howard said he wonders what she did to deserve that kind of response. Robin said she was wondering the same thing. Howard said she was minding her own business and people were irate over it. Howard said Matt is getting that same kind of stuff over his salary. Howard said people are jealous. Robin said the papers are telling people why they should be jealous. Robin said they've created this. Howard said they have. He said people have latched on to it and they like it.
Howard said only about 2 percent of TV watchers actually watch morning TV. He said they all get angry about his pay. Howard said he's not sure what the guy did to deserve that. Howard said people won't be satisfied until he's gone from the show. He said he's like Frankenstein and the people have their torches out.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who said that Howard is the talk of L.A. He said he ran into Jane Fonda who is a big fan of Howard's. Howard said Melrose badgers people into saying they're fans. Howard said if he was Jane Fonda he'd do the same thing to get Larry off his case. He said you're not going to say you don't like him if you want to get the guy to go away. Melrose said she's listening right now.
Howard said if you want to see something great you have to see Oprah Winfrey interviewing Jane on her OWN network. Howard said he is a big fan of Jane Fonda's even though some people are upset with her over what she did during the Vietnam war. Howard said that people were over there getting killed and Jane was anti-war. Howard said she was doing what she could to end the war. He said these fucking guys were living in Vietnam and they wanted a communist form of government. Howard said if you go to Vietnam today you'll see a lot of capitalism. Howard said he knows a lot about this because his daughter spends a lot of time there. Howard said they gave their citizens a plot of land to grow food and they share food there. Howard said he's no communist but this is what they chose to do over there. He said we had no business interfering.
Howard said Jane Fonda has a black daughter and he didn't know this. Howard said the daughter wrote a book and it wasn't brought out anywhere. Howard said Jane met this girl in a summer camp she had started and the girl was a bright, shining star. Howard said the girl wanted to be an actress. She went home after summer school and she was sexually assaulted. Howard said Jane eventually took her under her wing and eventually brought her to her home and adopted her. Howard said Jane took her in and she's had a fabulous life. Howard said this story moved him. He said there are people in this world who make mistakes and maybe Jane made one by going to Hanoi. Howard said she's no phony. He said she tried to contribute. Robin said she's contributed a lot. Howard said she opened her home to this 16 year old girl and not everyone can say they would do that.
Howard said if he adopted a child like that he'd use it to his advantage. He said Jane didn't do that with this girl at all. Howard said she's a pretty remarkable woman. Howard said he's not sure if she's really a fan of his or not. Melrose said that he asked her if he could tell Howard he met her and she was fine with that. Howard said that doesn't mean that she likes him. Melrose told Howard he's coming to New York. Howard said that's great. He let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was sitting 9 rows behind him at AGT. He said that he was very happy when Howard mentioned he was Jesse from San Diego when he was yelling stuff out at AGT. This was the Jesse who got yelled at by Jay Thomas. Jesse was telling Howard about listening to the show and Howard had to let him go. Howard told him to go call Jay.
Howard played more of the song and then played a Little Mikey song parody about Ronnie's tweeting with bad grammar.
Howard said Wendy the Retard is on a mad tear. He said she has no money and she seems to feel that he's the source of her problem. Howard said she calls the voice mail while they're away and yells at them. Howard said she's saying that she's ready to ''go off on him'' but he's not sure what that means. He played the clip and Wendy said that this is getting bad and she's ready to go off on him one day. She said she needs to have money and she's sick of this shit. Howard said he thinks that's a direct threat.
He said Wendy is retarded but he was listening to JD on the Wrap Up Show and he sounds like Wendy the Retard not getting the words out. Howard said he said something about being unsure of his ''known-ness.'' Howard said they were talking to him about finding a girl and getting married some day. Howard played the clip and goofed on JD about that for a minute. Howard wondered what he was going for there.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said that he digs the new web site look. Howard said they spruced up HowardStern.com and they have a tour of the web site there too. He said you can click and watch a video of where you can watch the tour. Howard said he couldn't find it. Jason came in and told Howard where it was. Howard finally saw it and thanked Jason for that.
Howard said he's sorry to hear all of that. He thanked Jeff for calling in and let him go. Robin said she thinks they spoke to Animal a couple of times. Howard said she embraced that name too. Howard said she's a remarkable woman too.
Howard said he tweeted out pictures of his feet but he stopped while he was in L.A. Howard said Ralph took some of him out there too and he tried to tweet them but his dressing room was in a basement so he wasn't able to make a connection. Howard said he'll have to get them out soon. Robin said she saw a promo for AGT during the Voice and something else. Robin said that they start with Howard and then the judges high fiving the crowd. Howard said that's going to increase his public ''known-ness.''
Howard said Richard and Sal took his feet pictures out on the street and asked people what they thought of those feet. Howard played the clip and the first guy thought they looked weird. He said they look like they're all broken up and like a giraffe's neck. They told him they were Howard Stern's feet and the guy said that makes sense now. The next guy said that he must be one of those Avatar characters. The guy said he should wear some flippers. The guy said the owner of those feet must look like a dufus.
Howard played another clip where a woman said that the feet were not attractive. They had a couple of people guessing if they were men or women's feet and some thought they were girl feet.
Howard played more interviews and people were picking on how they looked. One woman was shocked it was Howard Stern. She said they didn't look like Jewish toes. Robin wondered what Jewish toes look like. Howard said that's his feet. Robin said that at least they were comparing them to Channing Tatum's feet. Howard said Jewish feet have bagel crumbs all over them. He said he cleaned them just before he took the pictures.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he just got off a red eye flight from L.A. and he's wondering what the mentality of the regular caller is. He said most fans aren't like the callers. Howard said there are people who get confuse when they call in. The caller said he was confused when he called too. He said he doesn't even know what he's saying because he's so nervous. Howard said there is a level that can screw your head up. Howard said the amount of people who call into a radio show are half of one percent of your audience. The caller said that's the answer. Howard said the category is very small.
The caller asked what Howard does if someone is dating one of his daughters and they're a fan of the show. Howard said he doesn't concentrate on that stuff. He said that's their business and their life. Howard said he may not even know if they're fans or not. Howard said some of them have been but he doesn't concentrate on it. He said he doesn't want to get too carried away with it. Howard had to hang up on the caller. He said he likes that the guy thinks he's better than most callers.
Howard said next week they're doing a Subway Talent Contest. They're going to have people who perform in the subway performing up there. He said they have a $5,000 grand prize for the winner. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said that song was on their comeback album. Howard said they came back after years and it was a big hit. Howard said people wanted to hear their new stuff. Howard said that's a rare thing. Howard said he knew they'd come back.
Howard said he has the top 5 songs. Number 5 was Psy with ''Gentleman.'' Robin asked ''Really?>'' Howard said the charts are put together using YouTube views too. He said he doesn't think this record is selling. He said that the song might be getting views but it may not be selling. Howard said he went and watched the new video just to see what he did. Robin said she heard there was some controversy over the video. Howard said he didn't hear anything about that. Howard said that video got 18.9 million views in one day. He said he's not sure how many copies he sold but it can't be more than 3.
Howard said number 4 on the top 5 is Bruno Mars. He played a little bit of that song. Howard said nothing is as good as that ''Locked Out of Heaven'' song. Howard said he'd rather hear that song than this one. He said that song makes him sad. He said his mom used to not talk to him for days and he felt like he was locked out of heaven himself. Howard said his mother would put every thought in his head and torture him with the silence. Howard said that's why the song gets him emotionally wrecked when he hears it. Howard played more of the song and played the part that really hits him.
Howard said number 3 is Macklemore and Ryan. He said this song is really good but he saw them on Saturday Night Live and if they're not doing this song it's not so fun. Howard said they have another song at number 2 on the charts. He said they may have more to them. Howard said he isn't that in touch with current music.
Howard said Pink is at number 1 in the top 5. Howard played some of her song. He said that's featuring Nate Ruse. Howard said he's out of it so he has no idea who that is.
Gary came in and said there was a great moment where Mary kept trying to say hello to him and he was talking to a different person every time. Gary said they went up to Beth at one point and asked where Howard was. She had sent Howard back to the hotel an hour before that.
Gary said the party was supposed to be 5-9 but he was told by Jimmy the part goes until it ends. Gary was there until midnight. Howard said he heard there were people there until 3 in the morning. Gary said he heard the first part Jimmy threw started at 8 and Howard was out of there by 9:20. Howard said he doesn't understand socializing. He said it seems so irrelevant to him to stand there and talk.
Howard said he stood and talked to Andy Richter for at least a half hour. He said he has figured out how to party. He said he won't run away from people anymore. He said he will stay there and talk. He said he isn't sure how to cut off his conversation with Andy and go find someone else. Howard said they were having a nice conversation and he had no reason to leave. Howard said Amy Poehler has been at all of these parties and he wants to talk to her but then she's gone. He said it happens every time. Gary said Amy is a big fan of the show and she's a pleasure to talk to. Robin said Howard should have gone up to her.
Howard said Emily Blunt was at the party and Beth loves her. Howard said Beth has spoken to her and her husband John Krasinski. Howard said he wants to talk to them but the night goes by and he never sees them. Gary said he talked to them for him.
Gary said what Howard does wrong is not getting inside. He said there was a whole other party inside and out by the pool. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said he was stuck outside and he didn't mind that because what's the difference? Howard said he sat with Don Rickles for about 20 minutes. He said he talked to Al Michaels for a half hour. He said he just goes to people who he knows. Gary said he saw him with Spade. Howard said Spade thought he was blowing him off and went up to Beth asking what was up with that. Howard said he went right over to him and asked what was up. He said he loves David. He said he talked to him for a half hour too. He said he didn't want to get out of that conversation. He said it's rude to just walk away and talk to someone else. Gary said he could just say he wants to talk to someone else like Lorne Michaels.
Howard asked Gary for the list of people who were there. Howard said Jillian Barberie was there. He said he showed up at 6 which was an hour after it started. He said Jillian had to go to some gay award show. She was on her way out as he was coming in. Howard said Jillian was tweeting about going to the party and it was a private party. He said he wanted to yell at her about that. Howard said Jeff Probst and his wife were there. He spoke to them. Howard said he did 10-15 minutes with them and they had to leave. Howard said he missed Amy Poehler. He missed Adam Scott. Fred Armisen was there and he spoke to him for a half hour. Robin said he's spending too much time talking to these people.
Howard said Jewel was there. He said he spent maybe 10 minutes with her. He said he felt he wasn't spending enough time talking to her. Gary said he brought her over. Howard said he was in a group and he felt like he was ignoring her. Howard said he doesn't know how to function at these parties.
Howard said he saw Chris O'Donnell, Jason Segel who he just said a quick hello to. He said he never saw him again that night. Howard said he talked to Don Rickles for about 25 minutes. He said he's a great guy. Howard said Johnny Knoxville was there and he spent 15 minutes with him. He said he saw him the next night. Al Michaels was there and he spent 20 minutes with him. Robin said that's just too long. Howard said Adam Carolla was there but he came in as he was leaving. Gary said he was in a car race earlier in the day.
Howard said he saw Adam Levine and spent some time talking to him. Robin said Howard spends too much time with people he already knows. Howard said he never sees the guy. Howard said Ryan Phillippe was there. Howard read the list which included Jeff Ross, Lorne Michaels, Brad Grey, Bob Iger, Tom Arnold and others. Howard said he spent a few minutes with some of those guys. Howard said Tom just had his baby. Howard said Rob Zombie was there with his wife. He said he saw Natalie Maines for about 5 minutes. He said that Dax Sheppard and Kristen Bell were there. Howard said he saw Jason Bateman, Rick Rubin and others.
Howard said he was reading about animals and their grieving process. He said that article was so amazing. He said that they were talking about all kinds of animals and how they grieve. Howard said there's a video of a dog crying at a grave site and it's so upsetting. Howard said that we assume animals are void of all feelings but they're not. Howard said they understand death. Howard said he can't eat an advanced animal like that. Robin said plants can see and hear and smell. Howard said he still eats fish but fish are assholes. Howard said he had a fish tank years ago and the fish would greet him.
Howard said Mike Judge and Carson Daly were at the party. He said he was talking to Carson about his NBC show. He said he introduced Carson to one of the NBC guys and he told the NBC guy to give Carson a raise. Howard said the exec couldn't wait to get away from him. He said he heard later that Carson appreciated him doing that for him.
Howard said there were a few others on the list. He said he spoke to Christa Miller and Bill Lawrence too. Howard said Jimmy and Molly were great too.
Howard said he really likes Amy Poehler and one of these days he'll get to talk to her. Robin said some day they'll get to speak.
Howard took a call from a dolphin who was upset that he's still eating fish. Howard said the dolphin eats fish too. Howard said he has to though. Howard let the dolphin go.
Howard came back and said that Mike Tyson will be there soon. Howard said this Boston Marathon thing is horrible. Howard said that more and more is coming out about the brothers. Howard said they were saying the older brother didn't have many friends. Howard said he's never had many friends but he's never gone out and bombed anything. Howard said the younger brother had friends and you see people being interviewed and he had more friends than he ever had. Howard said he's normal and doesn't have as many friends as a bomber.
Howard said Clint Eastwood's wife checked into rehab for depression. Howard said she's married to a guy 40 years older than her. What could go wrong? Howard said Clint is talking to chairs and what is she doing?
Howard said he was reading a story about how eating your own boogers can increase your immune system. Howard said he knows that Richard Christy is going to live to 150 years old if that's the case.
Howard said he was also reading about Kim Kardashian and how her hormones are making her more hairy. Howard said she must look like Jason Kaplan with a hairy back.
Howard said Chaz Bono has lost like 60 pounds too. Howard said he must care about his health now. Howard said good for him.
Howard said he was watching that movie Electra with Jennifer Garner. He said the movie isn't that good but he likes Jennifer Garner. Howard asked if the little girl in the movie is Jennifer Lawrence. He said he thinks that's who it is. He said she's like 10 years old. Gary said he's looking it up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has twins and he's up at all hours. He said hearing Howard's voice is his saving grace. Howard thanked him for the call.
Another caller asked if he has read the Rolling Stones article of Bruno Mars song. Howard said he read the Rolling Stone article about him. The caller wondered if he wants to still have him in. Howard said he would like to have him in.
Howard asked if Mike Tyson is there. Gary said he is. Howard said he had to take a break and get him in there then. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and had Mike Tyson come in. Howard said Mike is such an iconic figure. Howard said that he's always wanted to have him on the show. Howard said he heard he was nervous about it. Mike said he wanted to kick Howard's ass. Howard asked what he did. Mike said he was going to attempt to. Robin said she thinks he would have handled it.
Howard asked Mike if he thinks if he could train and fight again, could he take out some guys. Mike said he doesn't have it in him anymore. He said if you don't want to hurt anyone then it won't come out well. Mike said his wife dresses him now. He said he just goes along with the program. He said he's pretty broke but life is awesome. He said he had his show in Washington DC and all of his kids came out to see him. He said he felt like the happy pops.
Robin asked how many kids he has. Mike said he has 7. He asked how many she has. Robin said she doesn't have any.
Howard said it drives him crazy that Mike is broke. Mike said it drives him crazy too. Howard said Mike understands boxing and when you look back at boxers they've all been hosed. Howard said it seems like every boxer ends up in the hole and beaten down financially. Mike said there are about half that don't. He said he heard about some of the great fighters who went through this stuff. He said they end up going broke because handling money is an art and they never practiced that art before.
Howard said he got really nervous for Mike when he went through this phase where he went with an all black management company. He said he thinks he threw away the guys who were watching out for him. Mike said they were bad too. He said if they weren't so bad he wouldn't have gone to this other guy. Howard said he thought they had his back. Mike said they did to him what they did to any black man. He said they were padding everything and taking out expenses. He said he had no idea.
Howard asked Mike if he stays up at night thinking about the 400 million he had. Mike said he wasn't really enjoying himself at the time. He said he's much happier now. Mike said he's doing just fine now and he's living a respectable citizen's life now. He said he can live with dignity now.
Howard said if he had just held on to like 100 million of that money he'd be doing really well. Howard said most sports aren't like boxing. He said that tennis is a one on one thing but there aren't many like that. Robin said maybe golf is. Howard said that too.
Mike said he thinks that maybe this should have happened to him. He said he had to grow in other ways and now he's such a better person. He said that there are people who have had great fortunes and they end up killing themselves. He said that they were only worth money and nothing else. Mike said they lost their money and had to kill themselves. He said he's still Mike Tyson though.
Howard asked Mike where he lives now. Mike said he's in Nevada. Howard said he's still famous and he doesn't have a lot of money. Howard said he's living in a regular community and people have access to him. Mike said he lives in a desolate community because people have homes out there that are their second homes. He said he isn't bothered that much. Mike said he hangs out on other people's lots sometimes because they're never around.
Howard said when Mike went to prison he thought about him a lot. Howard said he didn't know him enough to write him. Mike said he should have.
Howard said the guys in prison must have wanted to prove themselves by trying to beat Mike. Robin said she saw him fight a guy once and when she saw him walk in she thought the other guy should run away right out of the venue.
Howard said he goes into towns and he doesn't know about the competition but he'll scream about them. He said that he's going to the psychiatrist 3 days a week because of that. Mike said he's on pills and he's like a zombie. Howard asked if the shrink is talking to him at all. Mike said he doesn't care about him at all. Mike said that he'll be spilling his guts to the guy and he'll cut him off saying it's time to go.
Howard asked Mike if he's had a revelation in his life or is it the pills that are helping. Mike said the woman he's with now is the one who changed him. Mike said that she detoxed him and got him off all of the medications. He said she started looking them up and she found out that some of them were for homicidal people. Mike said she started in with all kinds of detoxing like The Master Cleanse. Mike said he was up to 380 pounds and he had to lose weight so he became a vegan. Howard said when you put on that kind of weight you must be depressed. Mike said that these pills were supposed to help him out. He said they were making him worse though. He said he was going to the bathroom in his pants at times.
Howard asked Mike about going to rehab. Mike said he'd have to go there for like a year if he was going to go in. Howard asked what happens when he goes off his meds. Mike said he's not on any medication now. He said he's off of all of that stuff. Howard said that's great. He thought he was saying that he was on medication now. Mike said his wife has helped a lot. He said that there are other people who helped him out too. He said the worst thing that happened to him was doing drugs but the best thing was going into the recovery system and meeting the people there.
Mike said that he's not doing any drugs at all. He was doing all kinds of stuff. Howard asked Mike if it all boils down to his upbringing. Mike said it was his pain. He said that wasn't from his mother. Howard said his mother wasn't a good mother. Mike said he's not sure what a good mother is. Mike said he sees people label their parents as good parents but then they raise kids who go out and kill people. He said he's not sure what a good mother is.
Howard said Mike must wonder about why he had it so fucked up as a kid but then he raises his kids like a good parent. Mike said you do that because you don't want them to be raised like you were. Mike said that sometimes you want the kids to be able to take that deep breath and go further. Mike said he's gone to his kid's school and it has intimidated him. He said it's crazy.
Howard asked Mike if he has a good relationship with his kids. Mike said he does. He said he has a daughter graduating from Georgetown medical. He said that he's in a very liberal family.
Howard said Mike is currently in a one man show ''Undisputed Truth'' and he's heard it's very good from the guys there. Mike said Howard is too tame this morning. He said he's not asking him about anal sex and stuff. Howard said he'll get to that. Howard said he doesn't see Mike being into anal. Mike said he's not that way anymore. He said he's become Muslim and he just isn't into it. Howard said Mike had some crazy days back in the day when he was doing drugs. Mike said he has to be clean now. He said he has to make sure that people are eating right and they're evacuating right. Howard said it must be nice not wanting other women like he used to. Mike said he doesn't want to leave his wife and he's very happy now.
Howard asked Mike about his mother and how his wife is taking that role now. Mike said he never really had a mother. He said his wife is like his mother in a way but she's his wife. Howard said she's very hot. Howard said he's seen her. Robin asked how he met her. Mike said he met her through her family. They used to come to his fights.
Howard asked Mike if the guys in prison would try to get him going so he'd fight them. Mike said he was discovered in an institution with bad people. He said Prison wasn't so hard. He said going there wasn't hard at all. He said being on the outside is even harder. Mike said that was taking the easy route.
Howard said when Mike went to prison he must have thought about the money he had and how he can't use it. Mike said he had everything he wanted in prison. He said he still did what he wanted. He said he had his food he wanted to eat and he never had to eat in the cafeteria. Mike said the best thing to happen to prison is prison guards. He said they didn't think he belonged there. Robin said they took care of him then. Mike said you could say that.
Mike told Howard about what prison was like for him and how you're constantly locked in your cell. He said he would go out and run and do weights but then they took the weights away from them. He said they were turning their bodies into weapons so they took the weights away. Howard said that must have been his one joy and they took it away. Mike said that he was porking his counselor there too. He said he was alone in a room with her and he was porking her. He said the drug counselor didn't care either. He said that she wasn't afraid of him at all. He said that he was in there a little too long with her though. Mike said someone told on them and he had to talk to Internal Affairs. He said they told him that he could get more time if he was doing that.
Howard asked if he cut her off after that. Mike said ''No way, Jose!'' Howard asked if Mike was picky and if she was hot. Mike said she was hot enough. He said she had a heartbeat and she was breathing so that was enough for him.
Mike told Howard about how he had a lot to deal with in his life. Howard said he just have been angry at the whole white world. Mike said he just had to calm down and deal with things. Howard asked if he got out of prison and then hooked up with Don King. Mike said that's what happened. Howard said Don King is a character and he's had him on the show many times. Robin said they weren't able to nail him down.
Howard asked Mike if he wasn't paying attention while all of that was going on. Mike said he had a lot going on in his life. He said he's just happy to be alive now. He said no one owes him anything and he doesn't owe anyone anything. He said that he would never do anything to Don King now. He said he would never want to lose his wife or anything that he has now.
Howard asked Mike if Don King was drowning, would he save his life. Mike said he would save his life. Robin asked if this is the real Mike Tyson. Mike said he would never want someone to die over money. He said money isn't that important.
Howard asked if Mike regrets getting that tattoo on his face. Mike said he doesn't at all. Howard said he figured he just didn't care anymore. He said he felt he was angry at himself. Mike said he loves the tattoo and he knew people would ask him why he did it. He said that it was totally abstract from people's usual thinking.
Howard asked if he ever had to fight in prison. Mike said he had to hit someone once or twice when he got irritated. He said he got bad news from his lawyer and he had to take his anger out. He said he started hitting people. Mike said that the guy may have angered him months before but that was the right time to hit him. Howard said when you hit someone with your bare hands it can really hurt you. He said that fights on TV go on forever because you have gloves on. Mike said that's why the UFC is so famous. He said that if you're going to hit someone with your fists you want them on the ground. Mike said that your hands aren't meant to be hitting things.
Howard said boxing used to be a huge thing but now he can't tell you who the world champ is. Mike said boxing has changed a lot. He said that people want it to be exciting and you have to want to hurt someone bad to make it exciting. He said that they fight now like ''You don't hit me, I won't hit you.''
Howard said he's never had the opportunity to talk to Mike before. He said he figured Mike just didn't want to win that last fight. He said it was almost like committing suicide. Mike said that was what it was like. He said he was killing some bad stuff instead of killing himself. Howard said he knew a girl in porn who wanted out but she didn't know how to get out. He said she tattooed her whole body so they wouldn't want her anymore. Howard said Mike had to have been miserable. Mike said he was the most miserable person he had ever met in his life. He said he had to keep that good guy inside of him alive.
Howard asked Mike if he's doing the one man show to show that someone so angry can hang in there and something beautiful can happen. Mike said you never know what's coming around the corner 10 minutes from now. He said what he's doing on Broadway isn't going to make him wealthy. He said he needs a second job. He said he does love entertaining people though.
Howard said it had to be intimidating to go up on stage for the first time. Mike said he felt like he belonged there as son as he went on there. He said it was instant. Howard asked if Spike Lee had something to do with it. Mike said Spike did have something to do with the way it turned out. He said that he wanted him to just be on stage by himself. Mike said that the other stuff they had in the show was a buffer for him. He said he had to do it on his own.
Howard asked Mike if he's got any money at all. Mike said he's basically living from paycheck to paycheck. He said he has a little money in the bank for the kids but that's about it.
Howard asked Mike what it's like to never be scared of another man. Mike said that he never knows if another man can take him down. Howard said he fantasizes about being a physical warrior and he could never take any man down. Howard said Mike had to learn to box but it must feel great to knock someone out. Mike said it's like drugs. He said that it takes back so much more in return though. He said it takes your spirit and soul. He said he wanted to punch a guy's nose into his brain back then. Howard asked if he feels bad about hurting people. Mike said he does. Robin said that he ended so many people's careers. Robin said they stopped boxing because of Mike. Mike said he wanted to be somebody. Robin said he was. Howard said he's definitely someone now.
Howard asked Mike if he's ever done anal with anyone. Mike said he doesn't do that kind of stuff. He said he's clean now and you just don't do that as a Muslim. Mike said that anal is bad.
Howard asked if he prays every day. Mike said he tries his best. Howard asked where he stands on gay marriage. Mike said that if you're happy then be with whoever you want. Howard said religion causes all kinds of problems like that.
Howard asked Mike if he's met Mohammed Ali. Mike said he has. Howard asked if he thinks he's the greatest of all time. Mike said he definitely is. Howard asked where he meets with him. Mike said he met him for the first time when he was a kid. He said he still comes over to visit him.
Howard said he has no idea of what to do when he goes to someone's home. Howard said he feels compelled to talk. He said he would feel that he would have to communicate with him every minute. Mike said that you don't have to do that. Mike said you don't have to do that and it's okay not to have to talk to someone every minute.
Howard asked Mike if he watches UFC. Mike said ''Hell yeah.'' He said everyone loves that. Howard asked if they're getting paid well. Mike said they're making money that can last them the rest of their lives if they manage it right. Howard said it must appeal to him because it's boxing and martial arts. Mike said he enjoys the grappling and the wrestling. He said that's the magnificent part of UFC.
Howard asked Mike if he ever thought about getting into other sports. Mike said that they get hurt just as much or more than boxers. He said you're going to get hurt if you play football. Howard said Mike must feel lucky that he doesn't have brain damage.
Howard asked Mike who the defining person in his life is. Mike said he doesn't know. He said there are so many involved in his life. He said he can't say just one person. He said it's like a puzzle with so many people. Howard said he figured he was going to say that drug counselor who he was fucking in prison. Howard said he'd be worried about guys taking him against his will. Mike said maybe they would want Howard to take them.
Robin asked Mike how he feels about why he went to prison. Mike said he still feels weird about that. Howard asked if that was the biggest mind fuck to him. Mike said no. Robin asked how he thinks about that whole experience. Mike said he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Howard said Mike almost needed a bodyguard or a witness to having sex all the time. Mike said he tries not to think that much about it now.
Howard asked Mike if he thought it was weird that the prosecutor of that case showed up at his one man show. Mike said this is what he found out about life. He said he's doing a show and he used to be a former champ. He said everybody wants to be seen. He said this guy wanted to show his friends who he had prosecuted. He said that he doesn't have any animosity anymore.
Howard gave mike some plugs for his one man show and Mike also mentioned he has a charity that you can find out about at MikeTysonCares.org
Howard asked Mike about why he's into pigeons. Howard figured that he likes them because they can fly away from anything they don't want to be around. Robin said he keeps them in a pen though. Mike said that's to protect them. He said they're out flying around during the day.
Howard asked Mike about his tigers and if he ever feared for his life. Mike said he slept with them in his bed. Mike said that one of them would roam around in his house. Howard said that's a natural predator. He said that he saw what happened with Seigfried and Roy. Mike said he was very lucky. He said that the tigers pass gas like you wouldn't believe. He said they move in their sleep and they can cut you with their paws or their face. He said that he thought he was like Tarzan and he could talk to the animals.
Howard said he read that Mike would go out and mug people. Mike said that's not true. He said he would go out and fight people in the streets. Howard said it's a miracle that he never killed anyone. Mike said he's very fortunate. He said he's so happy that he doesn't live that life anymore.
Robin asked if people still challenge him on the streets. Mike said he's rarely out there now. He said he's always with his wife and kids so that life is behind him now.
Howard asked mike about how many times he's been divorced. Mike said he's been divorced 2 times. He said he got married too young. Mike said he was married to Robin Givens and he ran into her at a movie premiere once and he wanted to fuck her. He said he was high and he forgot who she was. He said he didn't know at the time. He said she still looked hot so he wanted to fuck her until he realized he had been married to her.
Howard told Mike he went out with Robin Givens a couple of times. Howard said it was way after they were married. Mike said he thinks he was doing it when he was married. Howard said he's not crazy. Howard said he was married to his first wife when Mike was with Robin Givens. Mike told Howard that he's faithful with his wife now and this is the first time that's ever happened. He said he's not a good liar. He said he's so studio. Howard said he isn't stupid from what he's heard.
Howard asked Mike if he thinks that he would have ended up differently if he had a father in his life. Mike said that he had Cus D'Amato in his life and that's the guy who was his father figure. He said that was the best. Howard asked how he knew that Mike was going to be a great fighter. Mike said he had never had a fight in his life and Cus knew he would be the champion. Howard asked how he knew. Mike said he has no idea. He said he didn't go around saying that to other people either. Howard asked if he ever asked how he knew. Mike said he asked how to fight people and Cus would tell him how to do it.
Howard asked about Cus dying and if that took his fight away. Mike said Cus told him he was going to come back and haunt him if he didn't keep fighting. Mike said that he was fierce. Mike was on the verge of tears as he was talking about Cus. Howard said he thinks he would be proud of him now. Mike said Cus would probably think he should still be fighting. Howard asked if he visits Cus' grave. Mike said he's going to do that when he's in town. He said he does it when he can. He said that's in Jefferson Heights, New York.
Mike asked Howard if he's a grandpa yet. Mike asked if Howard is. Howard said he's not. Mike said he's waiting for it. Howard said Mike must he proud of his past fights and must want to tell the kids about that. Mike said he has his belt hanging in the house as soon as you walk in.
Mike asked Howard about the food he eats. Howard told him about how he's stopped eating animals. He said he will only eat fish. Mike said that's good. Howard said Mike has to come back and talk about beating up Wesley Snipes. Mike said he never did that. Howard said he knows he read about that. Mike said that he still owes a lot of money to the IRS himself. Howard said he feels sad for him. He said he shouldn't be broke. Howard said he should have held on to some of that money.
Mike said he likes how Howard changed his 'fro. Howard said Mike looks good too. Mike said it's hard to look good. He said he will never get a girl for his looks. Howard said he thinks he's a good looking man. Mike asked if he's interested. Howard said he's not into that but he thinks the guy is a good looking guy. Howard asked Mike what his best physical feature is. Mike said he never looks at things. Howard said he has beautiful eyes. Howard asked if he has big penis. Mike said he doesn't think it's big but people have told him it's big. Howard asked if it's more than 6 inches. Mike said it is. Howard asked if he would walk in a room and women would cum immediately. Howard said he's a man who can beat up all others. He said they must have been sexually excited. Mike said that he thought that was them being nervous but maybe it was excitement. He said he didn't want to say anything that would upset his wife.
Howard asked Mike about what he would do with women and if he would do oral and stuff. Mike said he was so many different people. He said he would do different things with them all. He said you never know what you're going to get.
Howard gave Mike some plugs for his one man show and the charity web site. He said you can find out more about the tour dates at TysonOnTour.com
Mike asked Howard if he ever thought about changing his name. Howard said he did for a short time. He said he wanted to be ''Miles August.'' He said he tried it but that didn't last long. He said he felt it was contrived and just went back to Howard Stern.
Howard said it was great having Mike there today. Mike sounded like he had a good time there. Mike saw Beetlejuice's mask there so he wondered where he was. Howard said he should have Beet in there next time he's there. Howard said Beet has said he has kicked Mike's ass on more than one occasion. Mike said he's never met Beetlejuice.
Howard said he met Beet and looked in his eye and knew he was going to be a star. He said he was like Beet's Cus D'Amato. Howard said the guy has something. Mike remembered when Howard set Beet up with a porn star.
Howard said he loves this new Mike Tyson. Mike said that he never thought he'd be doing what he's doing now. Howard said he can't believe how good he feels with his wife. Howard said he would never go out and fuck up this great thing he has now. He said he'd rather just jerk off if he has a feeling of being with another woman. Robin asked Mike if he jerks off. Mike said he's a serial jerk off artist. Howard said he can watch porn and still be with his wife. Mike said that if you're alone then it's bad. Howard said he watches it alone. Mike said he thinks about things that his wife won't let him do to her when he jerks off. Howard said that's fucked up jerking off to your own wife. Mike said he has an awesome wife to jerk off to. Mike said that he knows the shit is going to hit the fan today with his wife. He said he knows he must have said something wrong.
Howard asked Mike if he's ever been with a woman who has tried to stick her finger up his ass. Mike said he has. Howard asked what he'd do to them. Mike said he'd shit on their finger. Mike said he's not into that. Howard asked if he's doing another Hangover movie. Robin said the third one is coming out. Mike said he was told not to talk about it so he's not saying anything to anyone.
Mike said he saw Howard as Fartman and he had those nasty zits on his ass. Howard said his ass is a mess. He said he never was an athlete. He said that's why it's so fucked up. Howard said Mike's ass must be tight. Mike said he's still working out every day. He said he does a bunch of different things when he works out. He said he has injured himself working out but he feels like he has to keep doing it. He said he's insecure about losing it.
Mike asked Howard if he has any kids. Howard said he does. Mike asked if he wants more. Howard said he's not looking for that. Howard asked if he has a Mike Tyson Jr. Mike said he doesn't have that. Howard said he should have another kid and name him Howard Stern Jr.
Howard said he learned one thing today... Never stick your finger in Mike Tyson's ass. Howard asked Mike if he's ever had a white guy call him the N-word to his face. Mike said he probably has. Mike said you have to let that stuff go though. He said that Howard has to let it go if someone calls him a Kike to his face. Howard said he can't let that go. Howard said Mike must be more evolved than he is if he can let it go.
Howard asked Mike if he's ever met Joe Frazier. Mike said he has. He said he was hanging out with him and saw how humble he was. He said he wanted to be like him. Howard said Joe was the greatest and he thinks that he didn't have to take the stuff from Ali that he too. Mike said that was all in the game. He said that's the art of war. Howard said for Ali to call him a gorilla wasn't right. Mike said that's all part of the game. Howard said Mike was good at that. Howard asked if he had to go in and hate Holyfield. Mike said he had to if he wanted a good fight. Howard said maybe that's why the boxing game isn't so popular now.
Howard said that Ratso is working with Mike on his book. He had to get out of there. Robin said that everyone remembers those fights with Ali and Frazier because of those things they said to each other. Howard took a call from Leon Spinks (the guys in the back playing tapes) and he mumbled something. Mike yelled out that he loves Leon. Howard wrapped up with Mike a short time later and went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview. Howard thanked him for the call. Robin said that it should be interesting when it airs because when they talk to Mike about beating someone he appears to feel pain now. Robin said he doesn't feel great about his victories. Howard said it was very genuine. Howard said they learned a lot. Howard said they should get to the news now. He said they had him there for an hour and 45 minutes.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden. Howard said that they're talking about the Boston bombers and how the uncle came out against them. Howard said he might have tape of that uncle. Gary told him where it was. Howard played the clip of the uncle yelling about how the bombers brought shame on their family and on Chechnya. Howard said he hates the aunt who is going around telling the FBI to show her more to prove they did it. Tommy said he'd do the aunt. Howard said the mother looks like a witch. Robin said a mother's love is the greatest thing to have. Robin said the mother doesn't think that they should have killed her son.
Tommy said that the mother is wanted for shoplifting at a Lord & Taylor in Boston and that's the store that caught the bombers on their security cameras. Howard said the good thing about these assholes is that their names aren't easy to say so no one will remember them. Howard said their names are like Mr. Mxyzptlk from Superman. Howard said he doesn't know their names and he doesn't want to know them. Fuck 'em.
Howard played some tape of the aunt asking for more evidence that her nephews did what they say they did. Gary said that the mother can't come back to this country. The father can't come back either so no one is coming home for their kids. Howard said he's not sure what the family did with their kids and how involved they actually were.
Tommy told Howard that Mike Tyson was a really good guest. He asked if Howard was nervous when Robin Givens name came up. Howard said he didn't want to make it about him. He said this was about Mike Tyson. Robin said she had to bring it up. Tommy asked how it feels to have followed Iron Mike Tyson. Howard said he never said he followed him. Tommy said they all know. Howard said ''whatever.''
Tommy said the Jets just released Tim Tebow. Howard and Tommy spent a minute talking about that. Howard let Tommy go a short time later.
Howard said his favorite version of a Rod Stewart song is this one. He played Blue Iris singing ''Do You Think I'm Sexy.'' Howard wondered if Rod is aware of that song. Robin said she's sure Howard will play it for him when he's there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he met Mike Tyson once and asked for a signed picture. He didn't have one for him but the next day he stopped by and gave him a signed picture. He said he was a good guy. Howard said that's a nice story.
Robin read a story about Dennis Rodman being in court today over some stuff about his divorce. Robin read about how he owed back child support. Howard said if he were Dennis he would have stayed in North Korea.
Robin read about a high school in Georgia that held its first integrated prom. Robin said they have been desegregated for years but proms were private events and they finally put them together with help from the students and school board in a little town called Rochelle. Howard asked when Slavery ended. Robin said it was 18-something. Howard said that's like 200 years ago. Howard said that's crazy that it's the first integrated prom.
Robin read about a contest to create a real life instrument to be like Star Trek's tri-corder. Howard said he loved that. Robin said they want to create that. Robin said they have a contest going on to win $7 million. Howard said that Bones used to talk about how barbaric it is to cut into the body. Robin said he was so right. Howard said maybe Robin should create the tri-corder. Howard said it's not an easy thing to invent. Robin said they had that thing that gave injections without a needle. Howard said that's the way to go. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Miley Cyrus getting engaged. Robin had Howard play some of her music. Robin read about how Elle Magazine has said that she's engaged to Liam Hemsworth. Robin said Miley is saying it seems right to be wearing the ring and getting married. Howard said that guy is the brother of the guy who plays Thor. Howard said he would have held out for Thor if he was her. Robin said she's afraid this won't work out for her since she's never really experienced life. Howard said he loved when Katy Perry married Russell Brand. Howard said they went to India and ended up breaking up. Howard said Robin has been there so she can see why that would happen there.
Robin read about how drinking and driving and how most teenagers don't know that. Howard said he's not sure he's responsible enough to drive while he's straight. He said that he sees disaster with these cars. Robin read about how most teens think they're safe or cautious but they have admitted they've hit the road under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Robin said they think smoking pot has no impact on their driving or actually improves their ability.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they had more security in there with Tyson there. Howard said they didn't. He said that he was taking some pictures with Mike and he grabbed him by the ribs and he thought his ribs were going to crack. He said Mike is so fucking strong. He said he smacked him on the back and his hand hurts. He said the guy is in some condition. Robin said she saw him fight and she was about 3 rows from the ring. Robin said as soon as Mike landed a punch the guy buckled over and ran. Howard said all he did was hug him and it hurt. He asked if it's weird that he came and shit at the same time.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up the Boston bombing thing. The guy said his wife is a nurse at a hospital there in Boston and she's still traumatized from the whole thing. He said it was like a war zone there. Howard said they talk about this young kid and they had better give him the death penalty. The caller said that he put his bag next to an 8 year old kid. He said they should exterminate the kid. Howard said he's right. Howard said this was like a war zone. This is like what they do over in the middle east. The caller said his wife still isn't right from all of that. Howard said he should thank his cop buddies for being there. The caller thanked Howard for being there for law enforcement. He told Howard that the cop they shot at MIT was trying to get on the force for a while and he got the job at MIT. He said that they killed that guy for no reason at all. Howard said they were trying to get his weapon. Howard thanked the caller, Greg, for the call and let him go.
Robin read about this guy Charles Cullen who is known as an angel of death. Robin said he's probably the worst serial killer in history and now he's giving interviews. Howard said he was on 60 Minutes last night. Robin said he's serving 17 life sentences. Robin said he killed 30-40 people that they know of. Robins said he thought he was easing people's pain but some of the people he killed were not terminal. Howard said Gary told him that two of the hospitals knew what he was up to and they just transferred him out. Robin said he's the first serial killer to appear on 60 Minutes. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the Boston bombers and what their family is saying about them. Robin said they're uncovering a lot of people who had relationships with the older brother. Robin said that the parents of the suspects are laying low in Russia. Robin said they're hiding out in a village over there. Robin said the father is afraid he wouldn't be allowed to visit his son. The mother is on a terrorist watch list so she can't visit. Robin said that chuck Schumer is saying that the FBI was watching the older brother but maybe not close enough. Robin had some audio of Schumer asking about that and wondering why they didn't keep a closer eye on him. Howard said he agrees. He said they should get people out of this country if they're on a watch list like that.
Robin read a story about the man accused of sending Ricin to the President and other people in the government. Robin said that this man was taken into custody yesterday but he's denying any involvement. Robin said they dropped charges against an Elvis impersonator who was arrested recently. Howard said he would arrest all Elvis impersonators if it was up to him.
Robin said they're saying there are other people of interest in the Boston bombing case. Robin had some audio of an official talking about their visit to Russia for 6 months. Robin said they may be connected to there extremists in this country.
Robin read about the White House Corespondents dinner. Howard said he watched that live. He said he had some good laughs. Howard said it was funny. Robin had some audio of the President speaking at the event. He got some laughs from the crowd. Robin had some audio of Conan O'Brien speaking at the event too.
Robin read about gun control legislation being killed while they were away. Robin said they're saying it's not completely dead yet. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. That led to Howard talking about this 3 part series they did on The Daily Show where they outlawed assault weapons in Australia. Howard said it had a huge impact down there. Howard said you should be able to find it by searching Jon Stewart and gun control. Howard said the politicians are so afraid of the NRA that they won't even let them do background checks. Howard said they have to stop it already. He said we have to do background checks. Howard said he's not sure how many people are in the NRA but they're terrified of them.
Robin read about the NYPD releasing a training video about how to do stop and frisks. Robin said they tell them not to be shy when frisking. Robin had a clip of them saying that you have to go into the crotch area. Howard said he likes frisks. Robin said she's never out so she doesn't have to worry about that. Howard said he's the same way.
Robin said country singer George Jones died over the weekend. Robin had some of his music for Howard to play. Howard said he's never heard that song. He said he's not sure who has. Robin said she's not that aware of him either. Robin said he was remembered by George Straight. Howard asked who that is. Robin said he's another country singer. Robin had a few clips of various people talking about George Jones.
Robin read a story about Michael Jordan getting married this weekend. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said he had a preconceived notion of Tyson before he came in so he wasn't going to listen. Then he decided to give it 5 minutes and it turned out to be radio gold. He said it was another home run for Howard. He said it was almost as good as Lady Gaga. Jon said it really was great and Howard got a lot out of him. Jon said they heard a lot of prison stories and about Mike getting off the drugs and things like that. Jon said he thinks that Mike is a different guy now and he seems to have things on track now. Jon said he thought it was a really good interview. Jon had to take a break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the Tyson interview was very good. He said it has removed a lot of stigma as far as he's concerned. He said that he has done some great interviews lately. He said Howard Stern should be acknowledged for the quality of interviews he does. Jon said he agrees with him on that. He said that Howard gets people to talk about things that they're not comfortable talking about. Jon said they touched on so much and they went as long as they wanted to. He said Mike didn't seem to want to leave so they spent a lot of time in there. The caller said he's very proud to be a Howard Stern listener. He said he never would have guessed that Mike Tyson was a humble human being but that's what he learned today.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she totally disagrees with that last caller. She said she feels that the interviews are minimally an hour and a half and they're just boring. She said she wants to hear more about Howard and about the rest of the people on the show and not an hour and a half with a single guest. Jon said Howard did talk about going out to Los Angeles and things like that. The caller said that was only an hour. Jon said not every guest is going to work for you. He said that he respects her opinion but he thinks Howard did a really good job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about the Celebrity Super Fan Roundtable and how some of the people on the show said they would never hire Benjy. Jon said he thinks Howard will handle that on his show. He said that Benjy did call into the show about it and he thinks that Howard will handle it on his show so he doesn't want to say too much about it.
Jon said he did like hearing some of the fans like Jason Alexander and Rob Corddry talking about being fans of the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up what Jimmy Kimmel was doing on his show with a fake name thing and how funny it was. He also brought up the NFL draft and how Howard doesn't care about that stuff. Jon said he's right about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Tyson interview was one of the best in a while. He said that Howard asked him about the fighters of today and he was hoping Floyd Mayweather would have come up. He said he hopes it comes up when Mike comes back some day. They went to break after that call.
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Jon said it seems like Howard saw just about everyone too. Gary said Howard did make it seem like he was there for 7 and a half hours. Gary said he loves going to parties and learning what people are up to. He said Howard sees a party as a burden. Jon said the weird thing is that everyone there is a fan of the show so they know how Howard is. Jon said you'd think he'd make the most of it.
Gary said that Jimmy has had a lot of fans there at his parties and some of them just don't know how to go up to Howard and introduce themselves.
Jon asked Gary if Howard is just annoyed that he can go and talk to everyone. Gary said he might be. He said that he tried to talk to Howard but he was with someone the whole time he was there. He said he felt like he was in the middle of a conversation with someone else so he just went off somewhere else. He said Howard was deep in conversation with someone whenever he saw him there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that woman who called in earlier was a bummer. Jon said he thinks she was in the minority. The caller asked Gary if he thinks that Howard felt pressure going to that Kimmel party. Gary said he thinks that Howard would go to any party Kimmel had. The caller also asked Gary if anyone asked about his pitch. Gary said no one did. Gary said he things he's getting past that whole thing.
Gary said that Jimmy asked him to play in a celebrity softball game and he didn't want to do it. He said he never wants to play in front of people again. Gary said if he makes any error or misses a ball or anything he's going to regret it. Jon said he could coach or something. Steve Brandano said Gary could be a coach or something.
Steve asked Gary what Jimmy does during the party. Gary said he throws the party so he's busy showing people around and doing the party thing. He said at one point they showed him and his wife around the house.
Jon asked Gary about Natalie Maines and what she said about him on the Super Fan Roundtable show. Gary said she has done some things that have made him feel weird. She once came in and looked right past him and asked where Artie was. He said it might be mostly in his head but he thinks she's had a problem with him for a long time. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
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Howard started the show talking to Jon Hein about Game of Thrones. Howard said for 10 minutes they had a monologue that he didn't understand. Jon told Howard what he was talking about after warning people it was a spoiler. Jon told Howard what he was doing to the king and why he's known as the King Slayer. Jon filled Howard in on the story and Howard understood what he was saying. Robin got in on the conversation as well and got some things straight in that story too.
Howard said he thinks he's reasonably intelligent but at times he doesn't know what's going on in the show. Jon and Robin said they have a lot of stories going on at once in the show.
Howard said he likes Spartacus. Robin said she was going to ask if he watches. Robin said she saw the whole series. Howard said he hasn't see the third season yet. Howard said one of the guys in the show is in the show Arrow too.
Howard asked what happened to the guy who played Spartacus in the first season. Robin and Jon said he got cancer and died. Howard said he was a young guy. Jon said they brought the show back the next season without skipping a beat. Howard said he started watching season 2 and he didn't think the new guy was as captivating. Robin said he'll eventually love him. Howard said he's starting to get into the guy now but it took a while. Robin said she thought she was going to hate it. Howard said if he had to choose he'd have to choose the first guy. He said he's at the end of the second season now. He said it's easier to follow than Game of Thrones.
Howard said there are a lot of boobs in Spartacus. He said there are also a lot of cocks. He said the show seems to be pretty gay friendly. He said there was one penis scene where the guy was wearing a mask and you know that's not the actor. He said his penis was huge. Howard said the guy was wearing a mask though so you know it wasn't the same guy.
Howard said that season 3 of Spartacus isn't available for his iPad yet. He said he can't even find it on his On Demand. Jon told Howard he's read the books for Game of Thrones and it all pays off. Howard said he's watching it for Peter Dinklage. He said that guy is good. Robin said he's her boyfriend. She really likes the guy. Howard said he should call himself Peter the Actor like Eric the Actor does.
In the clip Steve Guttenberg was telling Chuck how much he liked him in something. Chuck told him about how he wasn't going to do any acting where he'd get raped or anything like that. That led to Tony telling him that he's either an actor or not. He said he's playing a part and he can't pick and choose like that. He said that's the world they live in. Tony said maybe he's just a chicken shit. Chuck and Tony talked about that for a short time. Tony told him that it's not real and it's just acting.
Chuck said there was that guy who was blowing a guy in The Sopranos and that's the only thing he's remembered for. Howard said he doesn't remember that guy that way. He said that's just how Chuck remembers him. Howard played more of the clip and Chuck said that's not what he wants to be remembered for.
Howard said he thought that was funny. He said that's what he's telling Eric the Actor all the time. He said just because you play a part doesn't mean you're that guy. Howard said Steve was talking about doing a movie with the Village People and he didn't know that they were gay. Howard played that clip and Steve was talking about how he didn't know they were gay and he became buddies with one of the guys from the band. He said he went to his house and he thought girls were going to be there. Then he found out that Glen was gay and it was just a dinner for the two of them. Steve said he was told he was gay and he had no idea.
Howard said he had a game plan for Mike and he wanted to ask him about Don King and that whole experience. Howard said he was fascinated by that whole thing. He said he didn't get to fully explore it though. He said he wanted to talk to Mike about something else that he didn't get to. He said it was one of those things where he didn't get to everything he wanted to. Robin said she wanted to know a lot too. She said that he's not mad at these people and she forgot to ask if he forgave Desiree Washington. Howard said he had a lot of things he wanted to ask about.
The caller said she also wanted to talk about Robert Schimmel. She said that David Steinberg does a show. Howard said he's aware of that. Howard said he saw the interview that he did on ''Inside Comedy.'' Howard said he pulled some clips from the show and Bob told some great stories on the show. Howard said Bob used to do the show and he had some great stories he'd tell. Howard said Bob got sick and had cancer and other things. He said he ended up dying in a car accident. Howard said Bob had done the show a few months before he died and he thought he knew every aspect of his life. He didn't know this one story though. Howard said Bob did Star Search and he told a story about that. Howard played the clip where Bob tells David Steinberg about being asked to be on Star Search. Bob tells David that he threw the show and he ended up winning. He said he did inappropriate stuff and he won. Bob said Ed McMahon was walking down the line and congratulated him. Bob said as he walked by he said ''Shut up you fat fuck'' and the camera was right on him. He said that he was told that he wasn't Star Search material and he ended up losing the next week.
The caller said that she works with an organization that makes people aware of skin cancer and she was wondering if they have some tickets to give to their charity to sell. Howard said they aren't doing that very much anymore. He said he can't do it because there are like 3,000 other people ahead of her looking for the same thing. Howard told her to send her the information and he'll see if there's something else he can set her up with. He put her on hold to talk to Gary.
Howard said Schimmel also talked about the first time he was on this show. Howard said this brought back a lot of memories. Howard played the clip and Bob was talking about his son dying when he was very young because he had cancer. Bob told the story about how he got on the Howard Stern Show and how Howard asked him about his kid dying from cancer. Bob said he told Howard the story about his son wanting to see Dolly Parton blow him for Make a Wish. He said Howard heard that story and he told him that he could come back on the show any time, forever. Bob said this set a pattern for them. David said he's a big fan of Howard's and he always loved it when he was on. Bob said so did his ex-wife's lawyers.
Howard told Eric he saw it. Eric said he thought it was good. He said she was talking about her life with Howard. Howard said it was good.
Robin asked Eric if they heard him talking about his acting. Eric said he did hear that. Howard said he thinks he should have done Cougar Town. Eric said he won't do any roles where he has to cross dress. He said that's what happened to Ronnie. Robin asked if he saw Ronnie on the show. Eric said he didn't watch it. Eric said he doesn't like the show. He said he won't take any roles where he has to cross dress.
Eric told Howard that he's not going to make it to New York for the charity event he was going to be at. Howard said no one knew he was coming. Howard asked if he would wear a kilt on camera. Eric said he is of Irish heritage so it might not be out of the question. Howard said he's not sure if it's too close to being a dress. Eric said ''Right.'' Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Howard said what he's trying to figure out is if Eric would wear a kilt but the other characters think he's wearing a skirt.
Howard asked King when his wife can be on her own. King said she can go kick boxing and stuff. Howard said King has to understand something about life. He said he has to be willing to have their own life and experience. He said he thinks he has cheating on his mind and he doesn't trust his wife. King said he does trust her. He said she's so naive and shy that she needs him to be there. Howard said this is just silly.
king said that what could happen is Beth could meet someone there. King said he could be married too. King said they could say to each other that they could be friends and it could be innocent. He said the guy isn't thinking like that though. Gary asked why it couldn't happen at the gym. King said it can happen anywhere. He said she should go home with Howard if she went to the party with him.
Howard said he knows what happened to King. He said his mother was very smothering and he has a sense of entitlement. Howard said he's so afraid of being left out. Howard said King has turned his wife into his mother. He said he's so afraid of being left out of her life that he has to have her there. Howard said he's literally in a snit and he won't let her do anything on her own. Howard said King is such a narcissist that he won't let his wife get any attention. He has to be the center of attention. Gary said that was very well said. King told him to stop it. Gary said he can see that he won't let his wife go anywhere on her own.
Howard said King won't let his wife go out. He said if she does cheat on him then he has to just move on. Gary said if she wants to cheat on him then keeping her away from a party isn't going to stop her.
Howard said his wife is an adult. He said he would not stay with her if she cheated on him. Howard said some people can get past that but he doesn't think he could. Howard said guys are as brave as their options. He said some guys will go back if they have to. King said he hates guys like that. King said he's not the Taliban. He said he lets his wife go out. Howard said he thinks he's just an insecure guy. Howard said you have to try and keep that stuff in check.
King asked Gary if he went to the party with his wife and went home with her. Gary said he did but he's left his wife at parties in the past. He said it's not many times but he has done it. Howard said Beth was having the time of her life and he left her there. He said there's nothing wrong with that. Howard said he had to leave the party because he had to work for America's Got Talent and he had to try and get better. He said he didn't make a big deal about it. He said he just kind of slipped out the door and didn't make a big deal.
King said that guys are out there hitting on Beth and he has to keep that in check. Howard said she gets hit on all the time. He said if she's going to cheat then she's going to cheat.
Howard said King was on Fine Time with Rachel Fine. He said King has this foot fetish thing and Rachel asked him if he wanted to see her feet. Howard played a clip where King got all creepy about her feet. King was smelling her shoe. Howard said it was really weird. King was saying he was sorry to Richie Wilson. Howard said Richie was right there. King said her feet were on his mind all the way back to Jersey. Howard said he had a look on his face that was really scary. King said it was like he had a basketball in the back of his throat. Howard said his eyes were rolling into his head.
Howard let King go and said JD pulled a clip from a French porno. He said this reminded him of that for some reason. Howard played the clip and a woman can be heard moaning and then a guy was grunting and let out a yell when he was finishing. Robin said that's ridiculous. Howard said that's wild. Robin asked if they have neighbors. Howard said he wishes the French would make noises like that when the German's invaded. Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have a lot to get to today. Howard said next week is the Subway Talent Contest. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said they have some business to take care of. He said they have this Howard Stern Theme Song contest going on and he has to pick a finalist. Howard said they have a big $5,000 grand prize to give away. He said they have 4 finalists in the contest. Howard said that Robin has to vote. He said Benjy, Fred and Gary will vote. He said that maybe JD will vote too. Robin said she's missed JD so that's good.
Howard had JD come in as they were playing a new theme song for him. Howard asked if he wanted to judge. JD said ''I guess.'' He wasn't very excited. Howard asked what's wrong with him and what he's on. JD said he's on nothing. He was laughing and Howard said that can't be natural. Howard asked if he's on any medications. JD said he's done with all of that. He said he was on Zoloft and Xanax but he's off of all of that stuff.
Howard said he thinks he has enough judges. JD said he thinks it's enough. He asked if it's an odd number. Howard counted and came up with 6. He said they need one more. JD said maybe Richie. Howard said no one cares what Richie has to say. Howard said Ronnie will vote. Howard said Ronnie likes music. Howard said he likes Cher. Howard said Cher has a new album coming out. Howard said Ronnie and Cher are the only two people excited about that. Howard said maybe she'll come in to promote it. Ronnie said that would be great.
Howard said the four finalists include Craig Wolf, Dorothy Wallace and Eli Braden. Howard said Eli did that new JD song they just played. He had a new one about Ronnie too. Howard played the new Ronnie song which was to the tune of Aerosmith's ''Janie's Got a Gun.'' Howard said that's a good one. Howard said Matt Evans is also in the contest.
Howard said they have four songs and 7 judges. Howard said they have to pick a winner out of these four songs. Howard said he doesn't even know which one is the best. He said he's heard all of them. Fred did his JD impression and had him laughing and mumbling about the songs.
Howard asked Craig about his song ''Revolution.'' He said that Craig says he put 4-5 hours on this song. he's in a band called Identity 3. Craig said that he's a family man and does the 9-5 gig and has a daughter. He said he also worked in morning radio for 5 years. Craig said he did everything in radio. He said he worked in Jacksonville, Florida. He said he was on an FM station down there. Craig said he thinks he got out at the right time. He said he didn't see himself at 50, 60 or 70 doing that gig. Howard asked what he made down there. Craig said it was under 30,000. Howard said that's what he figured he was going to be doing. Howard said he went to Detroit and finally moved up to $28,000 a year and he was doing good. Howard said he thought he was a success.
Howard played Craig's theme song. Robin said it sounds very important. Howard said it did. Howard said the song was pretty heavy metal-ish. Howard said it suits his role. Howard let the song play through and said that there are very few lyrics. Howard said he admires that. Robin said she's imagining that playing in and out of breaks. Howard said he likes that.
Howard moved on to Dorothy Wallace. Howard said that she's a very attractive woman. Howard asked if she's married. She said she's not. Howard said that's surprising. Howard asked when she last got laid. She said it was this morning. Howard said it's a woman's world. Dorothy said that it was actually Eli who banged her. Howard asked what they're talking about. Howard said she didn't actually get laid this morning. Howard said her song is called ''Howard Stern'' and she wrote new lyrics to an existing song. Howard said she sells insurance and she has played all of the instruments for an animated series. Dorothy said she sings songs for kids about staying away from creepy men. Howard said that's the song he wants to hear. Howard played her theme song but said that he thinks Stay away from the Creepy Man is more appropriate. Dorothy's song was a playful song about Howard's show where she makes a lot of references to the things that happen on the show.
Howard also played Dorothy's ''Stay Away from the Creepy Man'' song. Howard said he had to hear that. Howard said it sounds like it's about Ronnie. Howard told him to keep his eyes off of those kids. Howard was singing along with the song and told her that she's out of her mind. Robin asked if she's serious about that song. She said she is. Howard asked how many copies of that song she's sold. She said it's about 3. Howard read some of the other titles of her songs and said that he had to hear ''Don't Commit Suicide.'' Howard played that song next. Dorothy sings about a guy being bullied in college and he jumped off the George Washington Bridge. Howard said this his some album. Howard said she's not there for that. Howard said that's a dark fucking album. Robin said she's sure some day care centers will be calling for that. Howard said he wouldn't even play that for his 30 year old daughter.
Howard said he had to hear her song ''Ritalin is a Gateway Drug.'' Howard played the song and Dorothy said it's based on a true story. Howard let the song play and said that he's going to kill himself. Howard said he wants to have a dance party on Howard 101 with that song.
Howard said Dorothy's song was called Howard Stern. He said that Eli Braden is up next. Howard said Eli has been singing about Robin for years. Howard said he wrote one about his feet. Howard played that song where Eli sings about Howard's great feet. Howard said he's out of his mind. Howard said Eli has been writing about Robin for years but now he's going after the 5 grand. Howard said he wrote a theme song that he called ''Howard Stern.'' Howard played the song and said he liked what he was hearing. Eli's song was rockin' and it was appealing to Howard's ego. Howard said he had some drops in there. He said it was all good. He said that was very nice. Howard said he didn't know that he was signed to Island Records when he was a teen. Eli said they were a manufactured group and he made a lot of money. He said he didn't get anywhere with his career with that tough. He said that some of the band had turned into Black Motorcycle Rebel Club. Eli told Howard some stories about opening up for Smashmouth and meeting Robert Redford. Howard said two years ago he was in a band that performed in front of Ringo Starr. Eli said that was actually about 10 years ago. He said they all got drunk and played like shit.
Howard said that Matt is the fourth contestant. Matt said he's been listening for a long time. Howard said his song is called ''Bow Down'' and he worked 6-7 hours on this song. Howard said he put a lot of drops in. Howard said his wife promises him anal sex if he wins. Howard said he's voting for him then. Matt said that he's come close but she's promising the full thing if he wins. Howard said that Matt must really want this. Matt said he would like to try it. He said it's a dream and it might turn out that it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Howard asked the other guys if they have had anal. Some tried. Dorothy said she's never done it but if she wins she'll give it up to the other contestants.
Matt said his wife told him that he can bang Robin if he wants. He said that she's the only one that his wife would let him do that with. Howard said it also says that Matt thinks that Eric the Actor is a piece of shit. Matt said he's good on radio but sometimes it's excruciating to sit through. Howard said he also doesn't like Ronnie on the show. Ronnie said he'll fuck his wife in the ass.
Howard said that Matt is a sheet metal manufacturer. Ronnie said his wife has a nice ass. Howard asked if she's out there. Ronnie said she is. Howard said Matt accidentally shit on his wife once. Matt said that he made some really hot chili once and he had diarrhea. He said the next night he was reheating the chili and he went to fart on her and he ended up shitting on her. He said there was shit all over her leg. Matt said it smelled just like chili. Howard asked Dorothy if that would end a relationship for her. She said it would.
Howard played Matt's song and said that Robin will not let him shit on her. Howard played ''Bow Down'' and said he liked the opening. He said the song was very Nine Inch Nails like. He liked the drops he had in the song too.
After the song Howard said they're all good. He said they all have something interesting in them. Robin wondered how she was going to vote. Howard said she has to pick one. Howard said this is a tough one. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard asked Gary if he knows. Gary said he has a decision. JD said he ''kinda'' does too. Howard told the guys to just imagine that the 5 grand is in JD's hands. Howard said that they're going to use the song coming in and out of commercials and things like that. Howard said they could use it for bumpers and things like that.
Howard said he has to take a look at Matt's wife. He said she got shit on and stayed with him. Gary brought her in. Her name was Heather. Ronnie said that he should have closed the deal long ago. Heather said he's very well endowed and it hurts. Ronnie said she has to relax. Heather said she should be able to put a dildo in his butt. Howard asked if they're using a lube. Matt said they are. Howard said the trick is to ease it in. Ronnie said you have to take your time. Howard said he was with a woman once, not his wife, and they were banging and she grabbed his penis and put it right in her ass. He said that she didn't use any lube or anything. Howard said she was a pro. Howard said he was shocked though. Howard said it's no easy trick though. He said one woman he was with tried it and it was like hitting a brick wall. Gary said it just sort of has to happen. He said you have to find a night when things just work. He said it can't be an event. Matt said he's gotten a couple of inches in there and a couple of fingers in. Heather said the fingers were good and that was just a couple of weeks ago. She said they'll get it done if he wins.
Howard asked if it's hard to stay with a guy after he shits on her leg. She said no but she was horrified. Howard said Matt must be good in bed.
Howard said it's time to vote. Howard replayed the songs to remind everyone what they had. Howard played a little bit of each of the contestant's songs. Howard said he likes all four but he can only choose one. Howard said he's going to JD first. JD said Eli is a personal friend of his so this is tough. He said that he's separating this from his friendship. JD said he likes Craig's song. He said he thought having no words was good but then he heard Matt's. He said he likes that song too. JD said he's giving his vote to Matt.
Howard went to Fred Norris next. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said that all of the songs are good and they're all very talented. He said Craig was very Metallica like and it was musically very good. He said it wasn't the best to him though. He said he liked Dorothy's ''creepy guy'' song even better. He said Eli is very talented and he liked the Ronnie song very much. He said that he didn't win. He said he's giving his vote to Matt.
Howard went to Ronnie next. Ronnie said he's friends with Eli too. He said he has to move him out of that. He said Matt's song is more ''Howard'' to him. He said he likes that one. Howard said he has 3 votes now.
Howard asked Robin if she's voting for Matt too. Robin said she's surprised that they don't have more of a spread of votes. She said that she's thinking that she can't vote for Dorothy. She said that she thought Eli was going to win but she liked Craig and Matt's songs the best. Robin said she has to agree with Fred that it was the lack of lyrics that gave the edge to Matt. Robin gave her vote to Matt as well.
Gary said he was going to vote for Matt too. Will did too. Howard said he was going to vote for Matt as well. He said that he loves all of their work though. Eli said he was going to vote for Matt as well. Howard said Heather has to spread 'em for Matt now. Howard said she can do it now if she wants.
Howard said Matt won $5,000 courtesy of Dollar Shave Club. Howard gave them some plugs and asked what Matt is going to do with his money. Matt said she's going to pay off some medical bills. He said they had a miscarriage and it really tore them up. He said that this is fantastic. Ronnie said he had better win another contest when he rips her asshole open. He's going to have more medical bills after that.
Howard said they have good news for the other contestants. He said they have $500 for each of them. Howard said that it's not 5 grand but it's not bad. Howard said that's more than Craig made in radio. Howard went to break a short time later and they used Matt's theme song to bring them to break.
Howard came back and said that Dr. Drew is there. Howard said that's Robin's boyfriend. Robin said she's glad he's there. Howard said he has to talk to him about Michael Jackson. Howard said that there's a story in the paper about his family suing AEG over his death. Howard said that Michael was the addict so he's not sure why they can sue. Drew said that the question is if they are responsible for his death. Howard said that Michael went out on tour and AEG put up money for him to go out there and they demanded that he go work for it. Howard said he went out and worked for AGT and takes responsibility for himself. Drew said that Michael died of his mental illness which was addiction. Howard said the family could have kept Michael under control. He said that it's not AEG's fault.
Drew told Howard about how Depak Chopra had seen Michael's addiction and he wanted him to clean up. He said that Chopra is the real deal and he went to Michael and said he had to do something about it. He said that was the last time he ever spoke to Michael. Howard said he talked to Michael once and they talked about Chopra. He said he didn't realize what was going on there. Howard said this guy tried to help but it didn't work. Howard said he's not sure how AEG could have done anything. Howard said they wanted him to work for the money they put up for him. Drew said he thinks that the real story is going to come out now. He said it's going to be interesting.
Robin said she thinks that they're going to bring the doctor into this thing. Drew said he thinks that Dr. Murray got pulled into this thing. He said he did a speech recently and he put Dr. Murray's face up on the screen and said that you have to go into something like that as a team. Howard said he heard he was being paid $150,000 a month to give Jackson that Propofol. He said that he shouldn't have been doing that. Drew said he was sucked into that whole situation. He said the whole story was crazy and Michael was doing it for years. Howard said he doesn't feel bad for Murray at all. Drew said he feels sorry that he got dragged into it but not for what happened to him after Jackson died. Howard said he has a hard time wrapping his head around an adult doing what Michael was doing.
Howard said Drew is sorry he ever evaluated Robin as a narcissist. Drew said that's true. Robin came out as the highest scoring narcissist ever in his testing. Drew said there may have been one that came out higher. Robin said that's not true and she's the highest. Drew said that he has someone who came out higher. Howard said he must be sorry he ever started with her. Drew said absolutely.
Howard said Robin gave Drew a hard time after Mindy McCready died. Drew said he couldn't listen to the show. Robin said that she's had a problem with his show from the beginning. She said that it is mental illness and that's what they're messing with. Drew said that he didn't invent the show. Robin said he is participating and he's a doctor. Howard said he's torn over the whole thing. Howard said he thinks that addiction shouldn't be on TV and people should go get real help. Robin said she doesn't like any of these shows.
Drew said that they treat illness differently for things above the neck and below the neck. He said he's not sure why that's a problem. He said that they used to have people come into the center all the time looking for help after seeing the TV show. He said it does help.
Howard said that Drew got a lot of crap after Mindy killed herself. Howard said that Drew has helped a lot of people though. Drew said that she was scared and she ended up killing herself. Drew said he thinks Howard talking about his therapy on the air is helpful. Drew said he gets therapy too and he thinks that's good. He said Robin has made it tougher on him getting therapy. Robin said he can't change the world, he has to change himself. Drew said he works on that but he'd like to make a difference in other people's lives. Fred threw in Robin's theme song as she was talking to Drew.
Drew said that this is why Robin is so great. He said he didn't take a beat to think about the narcissist test. He said he's deeply sorry that he put that in his book. He said that was on his partner but he'll take responsibility for it. Robin said you have to deal with the reaction to his previous behavior. Robin said that's all that's ever happened there.
Howard said Richard Marx came out after Mindy's death and compared Drew to Dr. Kervorkian. Drew said he took it down and he thinks that he may have done that because he thought he was going to do something. Drew said he hates Twitter and all of that. He said he's out there trying to help people and he knows he's taking risks with his profession doing what he does. He said it's painful when people attack. Howard said he thinks Drew cares and he's really trying to help. Robin said she thinks Howard doesn't really know him. She said he just thinks he knows him. Drew said he's not sure what to do to make Robin believe. Robin said she's just going to say she doesn't know him.
Howard said he feels that Drew's intentions are positive. Howard said he reaches out to former patients. He said it must kill him when Richard Marx speaks out like that. Drew said he just has to suck it up. He said he's helpless. He said anything he says will just keep it going.
Howard asked why he didn't just pull down his Twitter. Drew said he has 3 million followers. He said it might be an empowering thing to do if he did that though. Howard said everyone is getting attacked on Twitter. Drew said people worry about video games and he never worries about that. He said when they act out on someone on social media that's violent. He said there is no sense of consequence on social media. He said he's trying to get through to Robin with this. Robin said she has never said anything about him online.
Robin said Gary has said that she hates Dr. Drew but she doesn't hate him. Drew said he's not a bad person. Robin said she never said he was. She said she just doesn't know him. Robin said on the face of it her feeling is about the responsibilities of a person in the medical industry. Drew said that he can see why she would be upset about them being in the media. Robin said she has to question the people who are in the condition they're in to be on TV. Howard said Jeff Conaway is one of those people. He was dying and he was out of his mind. Howard asked if Robin is saying that maybe he'd still be around. Robin said she's not saying that either. She said that she's wondering about the state of mind these people are in and if they can make the right decisions. Drew said this is a big conversation and they could get into it a lot deeper. drew said he just wants to get his hands on these people to try and help them. Robin said it can do damage too though and that's her point. Drew said he gets blamed for people dying even if their death had nothing to do with their addiction.
Howard said that Celebrity Rehab season 6 wasn't even with celebrities. Drew said it was just regular people and they worked with those people for a year.
Howard asked Drew about the guy from Alice in Chains who died. Drew said he was 9 months sober and he called him one day saying he was going to Utah. He said they asked him not to go and Mike went. He said he got a call from him a month in and he had back pain. He told him not to see a doctor. He said he went to the doctor and got pain meds and he was dead 2 weeks later. He said it was the same thing with Jeff Conaway. He said that Jeff was on the show and he was pain free off the meds. He said he ended up going back to the meds and that's what killed him.
Robin said that Drew is pointing out the problem. She said it's the profession. Drew said she's right. Drew said that there have been studies that show that the opiates don't help with the pain. He said it's really too painful and difficult.
Howard asked what Drew is doing now. Drew said he's in his last year of TV. He said he's pulling away from the mental health thing a bit. He said he's done it for 20 years and now he's pulling back. He said Robin attacking didn't help. Robin said she didn't attack Drew. She said she attacked the show.
Howard said one of the people who called Drew was Amy Winehouse. Drew said he never spoke to her. He said that was another one who was clearly going to die. He said she was on pills and that's what does it. Drew said that Lindsay Lohan's people wanted him to do something too but he didn't think that would work. He said that he had some other people help. He said she's going to treatment very soon and she has to go in and stay for at least 6 months. Howard asked if he thinks that Lindsay would have just run away from him. Drew said she's kind of like Robin.
Howard said Dennis Rodman went on Celebrity Rehab and now he's soaring to new heights going to North Korea as an ambassador. Howard asked Drew about Dennis' alcoholism and how his brain was damaged by that. Drew said that he can focus on one thing like a maniac but not on the emotional things that are going on around him. Howard said that Robin may have been pointing out about Dennis and how that stuff is all out there for people to see. Drew said that it shows why he can hyper focus on just one thing at a time. He said that's why he might be great at basketball.
Howard said Dennis said he's not going to stop drinking. drew said that a lot of people do that. He said that he wants to help the people who can't stop and they want help.
Howard brought up this Rachel Uchitel who was addicted to love and not drugs or anything. Drew said she did some good work on the show and she's gotten her life going. He said she was on pills and alcohol but they didn't focus on that on the show.
Howard said Drew is off the Celebrity Rehab thing and he's on HLN doing a nightly show. drew said it's news so there's a lot of Nancy Grace-like stuff on HLN. Drew said he's doing a podcast with Carolla again. He said they just chat like they're doing now on Howard's show. Howard said he thought it was great when Drew did that Love Lines show. Drew said he still does that too. Howard asked if he can make money doing a podcast. Drew said Adam does. He said if he can hold on to that he might make some money.
Howard gave Drew some plugs for his On Call show on HLN. That led to Drew talking about how Kobe Bryant came up to him at a Lakers game and wanted to talk to him about this Jodi Arias case that's going on. He said that he thinks Robin and Howard would be into this case if they heard it. Drew said a lot of people are interested in this case and what's going on with it.
Howard asked why Lisa Lampanelli credits Drew with her weight loss. Drew said he's not sure. He said he has spoken to her but he's not sure why that is.
Howard asked Drew who he thinks is going to die next. Drew said there could be another. He said he doesn't know who that could be. Robin asked if he's done with Celebrity Rehab. Drew said he's done. He said people ask him why he doesn't take care of these people who have problems and he's never met them before. He said he'd be happy to take referrals but he doesn't know them. Howard said Tila Tequila thinks that she has special powers and she can move the air around and things. Drew said that's hallucinogenic and psychotic.
Howard had a list of people who are on the death list. Andy Dick was one. Steven Adler, Dennis Rodman, Tom Sizemore and others are doing okay. Howard talked to Drew about Tom Sizemore and how sad he feels for him for screwing up his acting career. Howard said that guy is a real talent. Drew said he thinks if Tom stays sober he'll be back there. He said that Robert Downey Jr. is doing great now. Howard asked how Amy Fisher is doing. There was some laughter in the studio so they're not sure how that's going. Howard asked about Gary Busey. Drew said that he had a lobotomy. He said that he has that impulsivity thing because he's missing that part of his brain. Howard said he's a staple on these reality shows because he's so interesting.
Howard said he has no idea who is going to go next. He said he has these names on his death pool though. Howard said if he can win a few bucks that would be great. Howard said they should have all of them get into motorcycle accidents and they'll stop using. Drew said it's either that or a lobotomy.
Howard thanked Drew for coming in. Drew said he loves doing the show because people will come up to him years later and say they love him on Stern.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin is saying she doesn't know Drew so that's why she's making up all of this stuff. He said Howard doesn't know him either. Robin said that she can't judge Drew because she doesn't know him. Drew said that he hopes he's not offending Robin with anything. Howard said he thinks Robin is disturbed by some of what he does. Robin said she has a problem with him exploiting people on those TV shows. Howard said maybe Robin is in love with him. Robin said she used to be but not anymore.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she respects what Drew does but regarding Celebrity Rehab she finds it bullshit. She said that no one has really recovered. Howard said a lot of people have recovered. Drew asked what the right message is to send out there about recovery. The caller said it feeds their egos and they really need to smash their egos. Drew said she's right that they need humility.
Howard asked what the 12 step thing is. Drew said it's a guided relationship. Drew told Howard what some of those steps are and how they work.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up some of the weird behavior of the people on the staff. Drew said he's fascinated with Big foot. Howard said Richard Christy drinks a lot. the caller said that Richard drinks every day. Drew said that it's very hard if someone is functioning every day. Howard said Richard is in the best shape of his life. He said it's weird. Howard had Richard come in so they could talk to him. Howard said he's thin and looks halfway decent. Drew asked if there is alcoholism in his family. Richard said there isn't. He said that his parents don't even drink that much. He said his dad is a railroader.
Richard said he loves craft beer and he thinks he's pretty healthy. He said he had one beer last night. He said on the weekends he'll have a lot. He said the weekends start on Friday night and he might have 16 beers. Drew said that's a lot. Howard said he and his wife will go on trips and drink a lot. Richard said he's peed himself a lot. He said he had to be put in a wheelchair coming off an airplane once because he was so drunk. Drew said this is hard to call without the family history. Howard said he thinks he's downplaying how much he drinks. Richard said he's really not.
Robin said Richard gets polluted. She said he can't drink socially. Richard said he might have anxiety. He said when he's around Howard he gets nervous. Howard said Howard TV has tape of Richard drunk in a wheelchair. Drew said he does look like he belongs in a hospital in that shot. Howard said he was on a plane and had now many drinks. Richard said he had 7 or 8. Howard asked how much he drank before the trip. Drew said that he looks like he has Parkinson's in that clip. Howard said he thinks that he's downplaying this.
Gary said that they went out to Peter Luger's steak house one night and Richard had a lot to drink. He said he thinks he had at least 12 beers and some wine. Gary said he called him and told him something and then called back and told him the same thing because he forgot what he told him.
Gary said Richard brags that he goes to a place where they have all the Mimosa's you can drink and he has 15-20 of them. Howard said that's nuts. Drew asked where his family heritage is. Richard said they might be Irish but he hasn't looked into it that much. Drew said that survivors have this gene. He said that they're activated by extreme situations.
Howard asked why so few Jews are addicts. Drew said that's a good question. He said that it must have gotten burned out somehow. He said that in 2000 BC maybe they were more like the Irish. He said that part is just gone now.
Howard said watching Richard drunk is funny. Richard said he had fun. Drew said that implication is that he's going to have problems. Richard said his doctor gives him a clean bill of health.
Howard said he showed a slight elevation in his liver and his doctor told him to cut back to one or two drinks a week. Howard said he figured he was getting too into it and he stopped drinking completely. Richard said he had gout and high blood pressure. He said that's why he started running and getting into shape. He said his reward is a drink. Drew said he just said that he didn't want to stop drinking to get healthy, he started running instead.
Gary said Richard has an app that shows how many calories he can have in a day and he often gives those calories to alcohol. Richard said he's at about 1,800 calories a day. He said that's why he runs. He said what fuels him when he runs is knowing that he can have a beer when he's done.
Richard asked if it's as bad being addicted to beer as it is to hard alcohol. Drew said it's all the same. They joked about how Richard's doctor has a bar in his office. Richard said he heard about a dentist who has wine at his office so he's thinking about going to him.
Howard played some clips of Richard leaving messages with the guys on the show while he's drunk. In one clip Richard was pissing in the street while he left a message.
Gary said Sal just told him that when they travel Richard brings a bag of little bottles of alcohol and Richard will just pound then down. Richard said that's because he hates flying. Richard said he admits that he's an alcoholic. Drew said he has to do something about it.
Howard asked Richard to stop drinking for a month. Richard said he might try it a few days at a time. He doesn't want to go into withdrawals. Drew said that could get very bad and he should talk to his doctor first. Richard said he knows he probably has brain damage but that might help with his prank calls. Howard told him not to think like that.
Howard gave Drew some more plugs for his shows and podcasts. Drew wanted to make up with Robin. Robin said she has no problem with Drew.
Howard said he has Debbie the Pet Lady on the phone. Debbie said she wants to talk to Howard in prison. Drew said she frightens her. Debbie said that she just wants to say something. She said that she asked nicely to get seats at AGT. She said that Gary doesn't take the time out to talk to her. Debbie said that she's seen Gary's tweets about helping people out. Gary said that they're treating her just fine. Debbie said that she's going to get her kid taken away from her. Drew asked her what she does for a living. Debbie said she's on SSI. She said she has a son who is 16. She said he's doing very good and he's getting good grades.
Drew asked Debbie why she doesn't take medication. She said she stopped taking it. Drew said he can tell. He asked if she has bipolar disorder. Debbie told him what she has and it's something different. Howard said it might be best that she stays away from the show. Howard said they love her but she should stay away from the show. Howard said he's heard her out a million times. Debbie said that he doesn't take the time to listen to the truth. Robin said if she's being mistreated then she should stay away. Debbie started screaming at them and said that she'll fuck them up. Robin said this went well.
Howard said if you yell back at her then she'll stop. Howard tried that and it worked. She calmed down a little bit. Howard asked Debbie to stay away from the show if she's not happy. Debbie said if they don't want her on the show then that's fine. She said she wants them to leave her alone. Howard said that's fine and fair enough.
Richard thanked Drew for even taking the time to think about him. He said he's reading Steve-O's book and he really helped him. Drew said that Johnny Knoxville really helped in that situation. Drew said that Steve is doing very well in his recovery. Howard said Steve is stapling his balls completely sober now.
Howard said he has to end this now. He said they'll continue with Robin and Drew next time. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he just met Dr. Drew's wife. He said she used to be a bikini model. Howard said she's a very nice woman.
Howard said he saw that NBA player Jason Collins came out of the closet. Howard said he tweeted about that yesterday. He said he's very proud of the guy coming out. Howard said he can relate. He said if you saw him play basketball you'd think he was gay too.
Howard said Jason is a center so now we have top, bottom and center. Howard said he's proud of the guy and he hopes that things work out for him. Robin said maybe this will help with other sports. Howard said some people get really fucked in the head when they find out someone is gay. Robin said there are guys who don't want to play with gay guys. Howard said that's crazy. Robin said they think he's going to be after them in the locker room.
Howard said there's a rumor that the show Friday Night Lights may do a movie. Howard said they might get the cast back together to make a movie. Howard said that's number 3 on his list of dreams. He said his number 2 is letting Bubba shock the terrorist in the balls with a shock collar. Howard said his other dream is to have Taylor Swift starring in a Doctor/Patient porn movie.
Howard said he had some drops to play today but he may hold on to them for tomorrow. Gary said they have a guest at 7 and a quick phone call at 8 tomorrow. Howard said he has a lot of things he didn't get to today. Howard said he has tape of a woman talking about how to give a blow job. That's for Robin. Howard said he has a million things to play.
Howard said Wolfie went to the Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller show and he stood outside and asked people questions. Howard said he's not sure what O'Reilly is doing at the shows. He said that Wolfie said that the audience was like 70+ year olds. Howard said he wanted to find out what they do in the show but they didn't. Howard said they found one old lady that they talked to. He said it's kind of hard to understand her. Wolfie asked what she was doing there. She said she watches Bill all the time and she likes his repartee. Wolfie asked her a few questions and she had a very strange way of speaking. Howard said that's one of O'Reilly's groupies. Howard said O'Reilly could get her. He said after the show Wolfie had to give her CPR. Howard said this woman thinks that the President is trying to turn the country into a Muslim country. Robin said there is no evidence of that at all but someone probably told her that and she believed it.
Howard said the remaining two Beastie Boys are putting out a book. He wondered if they'll mention that Sal was the head of their fan club. Gary said it wasn't official so they probably won't.
Howard said they should do the news. He said he has meetings and stuff to get to today. He said he has to take care of some radio show stuff. Robin said she thought he was going to change the world. Howard said he'll do that tomorrow.
Howard took a call from Shandor who thanked him for getting him tickets to AGT out in L.A. Howard said he's glad he enjoyed it but he had to hang up because his phone connection was horrible. Howard said 90 percent of the calls are unintelligible lately.
Howard said CNN has had the worst luck lately. He said that they mis-reported some bombing news. Howard said he had a clip of a reporter using a bomb metaphor. Howard played the clip and this woman says that the streets were empty and the streets were clear as if a bomb was dropped somewhere. This was during the Boston bombing city shutdown. Howard said he's not sure why she'd use that metaphor.
Howard said he has a clip of a state representative using the term ''Jew me down'' and not realizing that it's an anti-Semitic remark. Howard played the clip of the guy making a speech and using the term. Howard said the guy should be run out of politics because he's just retarded.
Howard said Michelle Bachman was trying to be funny and said ''Thou protesteth too much'' instead of the right term.
Robin started her news asking Howard if Spider-Man is a villain to some. Howard said sometimes he is. Robin said there's a guy who dressed up as Spider-Man and robbed a tour bus operator in Los Angeles. Robin said they have yet to capture him. That led to Howard and Robin talking about Spider-Man, Batman and The Arrow for a short time.
Robin read about the new Samsung Galaxy S4 and how it's easier to break than other smart phones. Robin said that they're testing them for being dropped on the floor and in water. Robin said they have been selling a lot of the phones but they're not as good.
Howard said he saw the news that Sirius is up to 24.5 million subscribers now. Howard said this is exciting. Howard said when he signed on Sirius had 400,000 subscribers. Now they have 24.4 million. Howard said people told him he was nuts to come there but now look at him.
Robin read about how Google has come out with its own version of Siri. Robin said they say that theirs is smarter than Siri. Robin said the app is free for Apple and Android phones. Howard said it's called Google Now. He said friends have it and they say the voice is more pleasant. Howard said he doesn't mind Siri's voice. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about how we were sending secret bundles of cash to Hamid Karzai. Robin said the CIA was doing this while we were in Afghanistan. Howard said the despicable thing is that the guy has more money than he could use in 5 lifetimes. Robin said he bad mouths us after that too. Howard said we're in some quandary. He asked Robin what she thinks we should do over there. Robin said they should remove all of the bad people. Robin said they have a society made up of warlords and you can't deal with people like that.
Robin read a story about a congresswoman who wants to bring to light the existence of extraterrestrials. Howard asked why. Robin said she wants to know where Riley is. Robin said that she's called for an international probe into this. Robin said that she and 3 other lawmakers are asking for this. Howard said he saw some woman walking around in one of Riley's headbands at the meeting. Howard said he wants to break it to these people. He asked why the government would keep this a secret. Howard said there is nothing going on. He said there are no aliens.
Robin read about Jason Collins coming out of the closet. Robin said there were some people apologizing about some tweets they made about Collins. Robin asked what SMH stands for. Howard said he has no idea. Fred said it stands for Shaking My Head. Howard read a live commercial after that. Robin read more about Jason Collins and what people are saying about that.
Robin read a story about Willie Nelson's birthday being today. Howard said he made one for Willie. Howard said it's his 80th birthday and he had to do one for him. Robin said she has something that's 21 seconds long. Howard said he doesn't think that's the full thing. Robin said this was on the wire. Howard played the clip which was him singing a song to Willie to the tune of one of his songs. Howard said it was a musical tribute to Willie. Howard said he thinks they have it up on HowardStern.com but if not they'll put it up there. Robin had some other people like Snoop Lion wishing Willie a Happy 80th. Robin had a clip of Neil Young singing to Willie. Howard said he can't stay in tune for some reason. He said that's weird. Robin had audio of Ringo Star singing to Willie and wishing him peace and love. Robin had Howard play Steven Tyler's birthday wish. Howard asked why all of these great singers can't sing. Robin said Howard sang better than all of them. Howard asked what the hell is going on there.
Robin read about how they found female DNA on one of the Boston bombs. Robin said they don't know whose it is but they think it could be a suspect or even one of the victims. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read about Amanda Knox and how she's supposed to be going up for another trial in Italy. Robin had some audio of Amanda talking about her case with Diane Sawyer. Robin said that she'll be on tonight with Diane.
Robin read about a woman who's saying that she's being used as a scape goat in a case about poisoned well water. Robin had audio of the woman talking about how she was the scapegoat and other people talking about how she wasn't doing her job.
Robin had some audio of Bill Clinton talking about the hate around the world and how it's still spreading like a virus around the world. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a guy who is trying to get all illegal drugs legalized. Robin said that this guy says that we couldn't possibly do worse than we're doing now. Howard said we need to tax it and just make it legal. Robin said the guy says he'd tax the hell out of it and he's reinvest it into prevention. Robin said this guy has seen the legal system from the inside and he knows what's going on there.
Robin read about Martha Stewart looking for a man. She has said that she's looking for someone who is ''youngish'' and she meant that she wants a guy who is active. Robin said that she's looking for someone really smart and on the tall side. Howard said she's probably looking for a wealthy guy. Robin said she is looking for someone who is successful.
Robin said Catherine Zeta-Jones has checked herself into a center for 30 days. Robin said she's taking care of some issues apparently.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who was throwing up. Howard asked what's going on with her. She said she was drinking last night and she's getting sick. Howard asked why she's drinking. Debbie said that's because no one will take her call. Howard said she has to get on some medication. She has to go to the doctor. She apologized for yelling earlier. Howard said he doesn't take it personally. Debbie was heaving the whole time she was on. Howard said they need that Jeff the Vomit guy now.
Debbie said that she's going to leave the show. Howard said she doesn't sound happy so she should leave. She asked Howard to do her a favor. Howard said she must be puking because she just got off the phone with Gange. Howard said he makes him want to throw up too. Howard said he heard that she may have gone through menopause. Debbie wasn't even at the phone anymore. She was off gagging while her dog was barking at her.
Robin got back to her news and read about how the Queen of the Netherlands is stepping down at the age of 75. Howard said the queen of England refuses to step down for her son.
Robin read about how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are not looking for baby gifts. They say they don't have a gift registry so they're asking for donations to be made to some charity.
Robin read about Taylor Swift's latest CD. Robin said it's the fastest selling of her career. Howard said he's a fan. Howard said he was watching a video of a little girl who got to go meet her back stage. Debbie was still gagging in the background as Robin went through her news. Howard played one of Taylor's songs. He said that another band did a heavy metal version of that song. Howard played it and it was completely unrecognizable.
Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show a short time later. Howard still had Debbie on the phone. She wasn't on the phone but she was in the background heaving. Howard said he'll let her go. They ended the show around 10:05am. They ended the show with Matt Evans ''Bow Down.''
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Jon asked JD why he didn't go in before being asked to judge. JD said he asked Gary if he should go in and Gary said ''No, not yet.'' He went in when Howard asked for him. Jon asked if he's nervous when he judges. JD said he was today because he's friends with one of the guys. JD said that it wasn't a problem today.
Jon asked how he picked the winner. JD said he was a bit torn on it but the anal thing was kind of the tie breaker for him.
Jon asked if he thought ''Stay away from the Creepy Man'' song was the best he heard. JD said he never heard any songs like that when he was little.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he liked the song that won. He said that the promise of anal can really help your creativity. He also liked that line Ronnie had about tearing up the asshole and how Matt would need to win another contest to pay the medical bills for that. JD said the woman was cute too. He said Matt is lucky.
Jon asked JD if he felt for the people who didn't win. JD said he never wants to make anyone feel bad. He said he's tried all his life to not make people hate him. He said that's a goal in his life. Jon asked if that's how he goes through his day. JD said that's the way it is. He said it's not easy. JD said he always worries that his world is going to come crashing down.
JD said that he had Olivia Wilde on his train yesterday. He said she had a big hat on but that face was recognizable. JD said that she was talking to some chick and it looked like it might have been her assistant. JD said he gave little glances but didn't talk to her.
Jon said JD has a degree of fame and a steady job. JD said he has some ''knownness'' too. Jon said that he figured that he has established his lifestyle. JD said he just worries about bad things happening. Jon asked if he can enjoy the goodness in his life. JD said sometimes he can. He said he tries to enjoy things like girls. Jon and JD spent a minute talking about that and then had to take a break.
Ronnie said he thought the song was good. He said the song was Howard. He said it had that vibe. Jon asked if he struggled with Eli being his friend. Ronnie said he felt Matt's song was better so he didn't struggle at all.
Jon asked why he was being so snappy at him. Ronnie said he was just answering his questions. Jon asked if he liked that Creepy Man song. Ronnie said he liked her song but it was a little too kiddie for him. He said the creepy man song was funny. Jon asked if he likes children's songs. Ronnie asked what that's supposed to mean. JD mentioned the Cher thing and that led to him talking about how he thinks she should come in there. Jon said he should get his Twitter followers to tell her to come in. Ronnie said his fans would laugh at him. Ronnie said he went to see her in Vegas. Jon asked if he could keep it together for her. Ronnie said he'd be fine. JD said the fan boy would come out in him. Ronnie told him to get out of there.
Jon asked Ronnie about his experiences in anal. Ronnie said that you have to relax and not think about it. He said that's the whole idea. He said you have to get your mind out of getting fucked in the ass and think about something else. He said you have to think like you're on a mountain having a glass of wine. Gary asked why you should have to think about something else when you're doing something like that. Ronnie said everyone has to relax, not just the chick. He said the guy can't just jam it in there.
Gary said that one of Jackie's jokes that used to make him laugh was when a woman would say anal really hurts and Jackie would say ''No it doesn't.''
Jon brought up Dr. Drew and talked to Gary about Robin and Drew going back and forth today. Gary said he's a fan of Drew's and he thinks that it's helpful to some people. He said that no one ever complained about the show Intervention. Jon said he thinks it's completely exploitive. He said he agrees with Robin about that whole thing. He said that doesn't mean that he's a bad doctor.
Ronnie said that you have to concentrate on getting better and not being on TV when you're going through something like that. He said that you know you're being filmed and it's not like going to a real rehab center.
The guys spent a couple of minutes going back and forth talking about shows like that. Gary said there was one ''Intervention'' show that they watched with the kids and the woman was an alcoholic. They pulled all of the booze out of the house and the woman ended up drinking a bottle of cooking sherry and passed out in the woods. He said that's the best thing to show his kids to get the point through to them.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up King of All Blacks and what he was telling Howard about not letting Beth stay at a party. Gary said he thought it was a very macho conversation and he doesn't think that's a healthy relationship to make your wife leave. Ronnie said that he wouldn't do that to his girlfriend. Ronnie said that it's not like she's staying at a restaurant on a date with a guy. Ronnie said that King's wife should pack her shit and get out of that house. He said that guy is a head case.
Gary said what Beth did wasn't a common thing. He said that it was a special circumstance. Jon took another call from a guy who said Dr. Drew has a TV show where he profits and exploits these people. He said that's the difference between that and the Betty Ford clinic. He said he thinks Gary's comparison was bad. Gary said the people who go on Celebrity Rehab are paid to be on the show. He said he knows someone who was offered the chance to go on and was offered a big payday. The caller kept arguing that Drew is making money off the show. Gary and the caller kept going back and forth on that too. Gary told the guy that the Betty Ford clinic makes money when they have people stay there. He said it is a business. The caller said that the show is exploitative. Gary said he can see that but he doesn't think they're that different.
Jon said Drew is getting out of the addiction bushiness. Gary said it's not worth the grief so he understands that. They went to break after that.
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Jon said that Richard came in at the end and he is a functioning alcoholic. Jon said Richard says that he drinks on the weekends and drinks to excess. Jon said that Richard thanked him for that dinner at Peter Luger's about 6 times. He said he forgot that he had already done it. Jon said he thinks that he likes to be in that state. Gary said a therapist would ask him why he has to be in that state.
Jon said that Teddy likes to drink but he doesn't feel he has a problem. Teddy said he knows he doesn't. He said Richard is just a guy's guy and he's doing things that guys do when they don't have responsibilities like kids.
Teddy said he thinks that Richard is addicted to running now. Jon said he likes to run so he can drink more. Teddy said that if you go to the village on a Sunday at noon there are people drinking. He said they're getting hammered and that's what New York City is. Gary said that the difference is when you can't have a good time unless you're drunk.
Gary asked Richard, who had just walked in, if he can go out and not have a drink. Richard said he has a better time when he's drinking. He said he has a good time there at work when he's not drinking. Richard said if there was a reward to not drinking he thinks he could stop. Gary said he might live longer if he stopped. Jon said the reward is a job well done. Richard laughed and said he'll stop drinking now. Richard said he has stopped with the hard alcohol. He said there are so many great craft beers out there and he loves trying them all. He said Ronnie has had some of them and he loves them too. Ronnie said he has two and he's done and he stops though. He said he's not like Richard.
Gary said Richard doesn't see himself as a hard drunk but he is an addict. Richard said he doesn't get that messed up anymore. He said he doesn't do what he did in that clip they played today.
Gary said that they have someone who works there who used to be like Richard. He said that Brian Phelan used to tell stories that were crazy. He said Brian and his wife went to the Belmont Stakes once and they had to be brought back to their car on one of those carts. Ronnie asked why they were brought back to their car. Gary said that's a good question.
Gary said if you do something long enough you'll see the damage from it. He said that's what's going to happen to Richard some day. Richard said he'll worry about that when it happens. Richard said he knows his liver may have problems but he'll deal with it when it's a problem. Gary said Richard will be like John Phillips who got a new liver and started drinking again. Richard said he would probably drink if he got a new liver too.
Jon asked Richard if he feels like he can't go through the day without a drink. Richard said he isn't like that. He said he can go through a few days without a drink and he doesn't get the shakes or anything. He said he just loves the taste of beer and trying different ones.
Jon asked Richard if Drew influenced him at all. Richard said he'll try to slow down a little bit. He said Drew told him if he needs someone to talk to then he can call. He said that was very nice of him. The guys spent a little more time on that and then had to end the show. They were done at 11:00am.
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Howard started the show talking about next week's Subway Talent Show. He said they'll have people from the subway performing for $5,000. Howard said the contests is sponsored by Trojan Condoms.
Robin said she's been seeing AGT promos all over. Howard asked what he was doing in the latest one. Robin told him that he was giving opinions on talent. Howard said they try to equal it all out too. He said they don't concentrate on one judge. Howard asked why they would want to do that. He laughed as he said that.
Howard said he has so many things to get to. He said he's not sure where to begin. He was reading about how Maria Shriver is returning to NBC. He said they call her a special anchor for TV and the web. Howard said she's like Tim Tebow. He said they don't know what to do with her but they're signing her up. Howard said he thinks they're just locking her in and hoping something happens. Robin said they have sympathy with the whole Arnold thing. Howard said Arnold would probably rather have her locked up somewhere. Howard said he wishes Arnold still came on the show.
Howard said he has to get into all of this tape he has laying around. He said he had a cam girl who does small penis humiliation. Howard said she is bad mouthing this guy about his small dick. Howard played the clip and the woman talked about how small the guy was. Howard said people pay for this. He said guys have weird fetish stuff going on. Howard said he's glad he doesn't have anything like this going on. Howard said this is a guy wants to be yelled at. He said it's all about their dicks. Howard said this woman is talking about how his dick looked like a hot dog. The woman says that she doesn't like a tiny cock in her pussy. She said his sock would be like a tampon in her. She said that's how small his cock is. Robin was laughing and said she could be a stand-up comedian. Howard said Robin's laughing is even more humiliating.
Howard played a clip of a woman who calls a guy the N-word. Howard said some guys want that stuff. Howard played the clip and the girl was calling the guy the N-word and saying she knows he wants that white ass. She told the guy to keep spoiling her and worshiping her. Howard said just imagine that's your job. Howard said he's not sure about the ketchup reference in there. She was saying something about black women eating ketchup. Howard said she's wild.
Howard asked what web site those clips came from. JD came in and told Howard that they came from WorldStarHipHop.com or something like that. Howard said that's wild. He wondered what people pay for that. JD said he doesn't know exactly. Howard asked JD if he ever got into that humiliation thing. JD said he gets humiliated enough there. He doesn't need that shit. JD said he's not into that. He said he can barely get girls to talk to him so he doesn't want them insulting him.
Gary said Sal told him a great story. He said Sal was at a booth and this girl was there and his dick was out. He asked what she thought and she said ''Ehh, not so good.'' Howard said that's a little too honest. Howard said Sal wasn't paying for humiliation either.
Howard said JD was on the Wrap Up Show fumfering around again. Howard found the clip to play. Howard said he used the word ''Wordage.'' Howard played the clip and JD was talking about the theme songs and using words in them. He said ''The wordage was, sort of fit the style...'' Howard said he thinks there is a word ''wordage'' but anything coming out of JD's mouth sounds wrong. JD said that they looked up knownness and they found it in the NY Times. Howard said that can't be right. Fred said wordage is a word. Howard said JD didn't sound confident in the usage.
Howard said that was a white girl humiliating some black guy. Howard said she must be locked up in some mental institution.
Howard said this next clip is some official who sits on a board and she's talking to another official and she calls the guy an ''arrogant nigger.'' Howard said people just don't know to keep their mouths shut. Howard played the clip and the woman was on the phone and being questioned about sitting down to speak to someone. She said that this guy is rubbing her the wrong way and said that he's just an ''arrogant nigger.'' The guy on the phone asked why she would say that. The woman explained that he's very arrogant and she knew that the guy on the phone wouldn't like it.
Howard said this woman was a clerk for some township in California. He said she made an apology too. Howard played that clip too. She said she has had Thanksgiving dinner with black friends so she's not racist. Howard said a lot of slave owners had Thanksgiving dinner with their slaves too. Howard said she doesn't know what to say. Howard said this woman's name is Gloria Placco.
Howard said he loves the FCC now. He said they got out of terrestrial radio after they fined them like crazy. Howard said David Ortiz, a baseball player, was talking about Boston after the bombings and he said ''This is our fucking city'' and the FCC is now saying that they're not going to fine people for speaking from the heart. Howard said he never used the F-word but he was always speaking from the heart when he said something that they fined him for. Howard said they wanted to fight the FCC but Infinity just got screwed over and never got to go to court. Howard said that was the government racketeering basically. Howard said he loves the hypocrisy.
Howard played the clip of David Ortiz cursing. Robin wondered why he was given a microphone. She said he doesn't have that many words. Howard said he's a beloved guy up there. Howard said they're essentially letting everyone off other than him. He said he knew it was a witch hunt. Howard said all kinds of cursing goes on. He said that a station up in Boston had someone saying ''shit'' on the air. That was on NBC with Brian Williams. Howard played that clip and they had someone live on the air and the reporter said ''...I don't know shit.'' Brian Williams tried to cover that up saying it wasn't the best time to cut into that coverage.
Howard said he has a new song from Psych about JD not being able to speak. Howard played the song which is another good one for Fred to play when JD comes in. Howard said Psych is still singing about Robin too. He played another parody about fucking Robin to the tune of a Macklemore and Ryan song. Howard said he's going to give that one to Fred for today's news. Howard played another parody about Robin's boobs.
Howard said he was talking about Game of Thrones yesterday and talking about how confusing it was to him. Howard said there's a scene where this Jamie Lannister is explaining why he did something. Howard said he had no idea what he was talking about and the guy was mumbling. Howard said it went on for a full 4 minutes and 9 seconds or something. Howard said Jon Hein said it was a very important moment but he didn't understand it. Howard said people think they're acting if they mumble. He said he pulled the audio so everyone can hear it. Howard played a few seconds of it and the guy was barely able to speak. Robin told Howard to open his ears. Howard let it play and laughed as the guy was mumbling.
Howard said this went on for four fucking minutes. Robin said she can understand it. Howard said she can not. Howard let it play some more and said that it sounds like JD. Howard said he almost bailed on the show. He said he likes the Khaleesi with her dragons and the guy fucking the red head in the cave. He said that didn't make much sense either though. He said it was freezing cold out and they were naked fucking in a cave. Howard played more of the mumbling Jamie Lannister clip. Howard said if they give him an Emmy for that he's out of there. Howard said he can't understand this at all. Robin said he was sick and he had his arm burned and hand cut off.
Howard said he can do that too. He did an impression of the guy speaking. He had Fred playing some hot tub noise while he mumbled with heavy echo on his voice. Howard was mumbling and just making stuff up as he went along. He said that's acting. Howard was just making noises and said they should give him an Emmy.
Howard said he finally found a mash up that he likes. He said they usually go wrong but this one he liked. He said they took Stevie Wonder and Metallica and mixed them. Howard told Robin to let him know if this works. Howard played the song and they had Stevie singing Superstition to a Metallica song. Howard said you get sick of it if you listen too long though. He said that it's such a waste of time. He said the good thing is he can listen to two songs simultaneously. Howard said listening to music is so time consuming.
Howard said he's going to work on putting 10 songs on at once. He said that way you won't have to listen to 10 songs at once. Howard said he didn't mind that one. Robin just said ''Ehh.'' Howard said he's going to work on playing the entire Beatles catalog at once. He said it's beautiful. Howard said he'll play some of that now. Howard said it's a work in progress. Howard played a bunch of their songs over each other. He said you're listening to 75 Beatles songs at once. Howard said that's good. Robin said she's not sure that works. Howard said she's just jealous she didn't invent it.
Howard said they have a new ad campaign for JD running for mayor. Howard played that bit where they had JD mumbling and making weird noises. Howard said they went out on the street and told people that JD was running. They had some of those clips in the bit. They even had JD screwing up when he says that he's JD Harmeyer and he approved this message.
Howard said he remembers when he came there. He said he could smell the desperation when they called him there for his first meeting. Howard said it was a big risk for him. Howard said he doesn't make claims. He said he didn't know how it would work. He said that he needed to take that challenge. He said he can't stand the FCC so he had to get away from that. He said he sat down with XM and with Sirius. He said they both wanted him but Sirius was more aggressive. Howard said XM thought they were going to put Sirius out of business. Howard said XM laughed at him when he said that he could keep Sirius in business. Howard said they laughed at him when he went to Sirius. Howard said he was going to do it and give it a try though. He said he thought it could be successful. Howard said he had advisors telling him not to go. Howard said he thought he could make a difference. Howard said this is 7 years later and they went from 400,000 to 24.5 million subscribers. Howard said it's a very different company now. He said they're very successful. He said they forced a merger. Howard said that's something and they had something to do with that. Robin said it's amazing. Howard said it really is.
Howard said he remembers management talking about how many radios they were selling. He said he told them they made the right call hiring him. He said that's where he'll stop. He said congratulations to everyone. He said it's very exciting. Howard said we'll see. He said he'll stop there. He said he's happy. It's quite an accomplishment. Howard said they had a very small part in it but they did have a part in it. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Robin once said that she would take her top off if they ever got to 20 million subscribers. Howard said she may have. Robin didn't remember that. Howard said he knows Robin is a woman of her word. Howard told her to take her top off. Gary said he thinks that she had an expiration date on it. He said they're looking it up now. Howard said he could lie and say they were over that number in 2006. Robin said they're looking into it.
Howard asked if Robin would do that if they do find that she said that. Robin said she is a woman of her word. Howard said if he had boobs like Robin he'd be showing them all the time.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked how Beth is doing with her dizziness. Howard said she has vertigo. Howard said she doesn't have lyme disease. Howard said she stopped getting dizzy after she found out she didn't have Lyme disease. The caller asked if he had a game to play. Howard said he might but he's not sure and he didn't want to put the guy on hold.
Gary read one where this person said that they feel great when they pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden. That was Gwyneth. Gary went through a couple more with Howard and Robin guessing who said them. Robin had a couple of goofy ones. Robin said something about changing one person at a time and that leads to changing a village.
Gary read one that said that Beyonce is the most talented person. That turned out to be Gwyneth. Gary skipped over some and had more of Robin's wacky lines. She had one where she said giving your kids soda is like giving them LSD. Robin said she has to start listening to herself because she's wacky.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Beth on Chelsea Lately last night. The caller said that she was introduced as Beth Stern. Howard said that's her name. The caller said Beth was talking about how she has to change it at the DMV and all of that.
The caller asked if he knows he's getting another dog. Howard said that's what Beth wants. He said he doesn't want another dog. Howard said he's going to come home and a dog will be there. Howard said he's not going to love this one. He put all his love into the other one. Howard said he thinks he's more of a cat person. He said they're so much easier to take care of. He said dogs are like kids and you can't leave home. He said he would rather stick with cats and be able to travel if he wants to travel. He said he knows he probably won't travel but he'd like the option.
The caller said that guy Psy who does the Gangnam Style song was at a Dodger game last night. Howard said he thinks he must be spending most of his time there. He said he thinks that guy is going to be around a long time. Howard said you know the guy doesn't care about baseball. The caller said the pitcher was from Korea so maybe he was hanging out with him.
Howard said baseball is so boring to him. He said he likes that better than golf but it's boring. Howard said he can't stand watching it on TV. He said he has so much stuff to do and he can't sit there for 4 hours watching. Howard said he has gone to some college games that are more exciting. Howard said it's better out in the fresh air. Howard said sometimes he puts the TV outside and watches out there. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that's their new theme song. Howard said that basketball player who came out gay was with a WNBA basketball player who is shocked that he's gay. Howard said that they were dating for like 8 years. Howard said if a guy is dating a player in the WNBA then you can't be that shocked that he's gay. Howard said he's just full of stereotypes.
Howard said he thinks that a bunch of other basketball players might come out of the closet even if they're not gay. This guy is getting a lot of attention. Howard said he thinks that a lot of the chicks in the WNBA look like that giant chick on Game of Thrones.
Howard said Marc Maron is there. He had him come in. He said that Marc was jealous of other people and he wanted to kill himself because of it. Howard said he gets that. He said he can get consumed with that kind of thing too. Howard said he still gets angry with people who do well. Marc said that Jon Stewart was one of the people he was upset over. He said they started out together and he would see Jon everywhere and it was like him saying ''Fuck you Maron'' all the time. Howard asked if he and Jon came up in comedy at the same time. Marc said they did. He said he got to host Short Attention Span Theater after Jon started it and he ended up killing it too.
Howard asked Marc about doing Air America for a short time. Marc said that happened because he had just moved to Los Angeles. He said his career never really took off. Howard said he never really heard of Marc before. He said Gary told him about him and he heard some stories and he came up with Louis C.K. and he must have disliked him too. Marc said he and Louis worked things out. He said that he and Jon still have something going on there. Howard asked if he ever runs into him. Marc said not really. He said he used to bad mouth Jon to his face. He said he thinks Jon is still mad at him over that.
Marc said that Jon has the confidence to never change his hair cut. Marc said he never had that. Howard said Marc is saying that he's an angry, pissed off guy. Marc said if you're an asshole then you get humbled. He said that your wife laves and your career goes down the crapper.
Howard asked Marc about auditioning for Saturday Night Live and how that didn't work out. Howard said Marc must have wondered what was going on while all of these other guys were making it. Marc said he would ask why other guys were making it and he wasn't. Howard asked if he was handing around losers because of that. Marc said he hung around with other comedians. He said he couldn't quite reconcile why things weren't working.
Howard asked Marc if he ever wanted to give up the comedy thing. Marc said things were going really bad for a while there but then his podcast hit pretty big and that changed things. Marc said that his podcast gets like 700,000 downloads. He said he has done some podcasts with people like Louis C.K. and he worked things out with him in a two partner. He said he couldn't handle his success and he had to work things out with him. He said they've been friends for years. Howard asked if he told Louis that he was jealous of him. Marc said that's what he told him. He said that upset him but he had his own problems. He said they had this thing between them and hadn't spoken much. He said he went to his house with the microphone and had a talk with him there. He said they didn't hate each other but they had to work things out in person.
Marc told Howard he wanted to make up with Jon Stewart but he was so shitty to the guy that Jon had to remind him about that. Marc said that there was one moment where he was on stage at the Boston Comedy Club and Jon walked in and he asked him how sucking satan's cock was. He said Jon didn't know what to do with that. Marc said that Jon pointed out that he was hosting Short Attention Span Theater and he didn't have to take that shit from him anymore. Marc said he was bullying Jon. He said he wanted to do the apology thing with him and Jon said he didn't want to do it. He said it was a great moment for him when Jon said he wouldn't do the podcast because there was no love there.
Howard said he can tell that it bothers Marc about Jon. He said Jon is one of the nicest people he's ever met. He said that he stayed in a hotel that Jon was staying at and he talked to him there. He said he's so nice so he can see why this would bother Marc. Marc said he was in Portland, Oregon and Gallagher had just walked out on his Podcast. He said the guy stormed out and then he gets the call back from Jon and Jon said no. He said that he was right to turn it down. He said that he hung up the phone and part of him was saying he wasn't going to have coffee with him. He said he's still got that anger in him and it won't leave. Howard said it never will.
Howard said he has picked up the phone and called people. He said he has anger too. Howard said he knows where Marc's anger comes from. It all comes from the parenting. Howard said his dad was a doctor who was cold and aloof. Howard said his dad always stole attention from his son. Howard said that Marc's father turned to him at his college graduation that he was going to kill himself. Howard asked why he would do that. Marc said that he got that all his life. Marc said he erases your sense of self and it was all about him. Howard said it sounds like his mother was self absorbed too. Howard said she was anoroexic. Howard said Marc once said that she was 119 pounds and she called him to correct him saying that she's only 116.
Marc said his mother told him that she couldn't love him if he was fat. He said that was just a couple of years ago. Howard said this is where his anger comes from. Howard said Marc goes berserk and lashes out. Howard said he would do the same thing. Howard said he would go into a new radio market and scream about guys he didn't even know. Howard said he has a lot of issues with wanting attention. He said he didn't grow up in a certain way. He said his father raped him anally too. He said he was just kidding of course.
Howard said Marc told a story about his father sticking his fingers in his grandfather's mouth. Marc said he had a guy come in to give him a proctological exam at the house. He said he was probably 7 or 8 years old. He said he had pain in his stomach. Marc said his father is an orthopedic and he was going to examine him. He said his dad stuck his finger in his ass. He said his father didn't know what was wrong with him. He said his dad basically finger banged him. He said he was thinking he had appendicitis. He said that he brought another guy over to the house and that guy tried to diagnose it. He said they had just moved to town so this guy was the one guy he knew there. He said he was a huge black guy who had big sideburns. He said he figured the guy had his shit together. Marc said Dr. Chester came to the house and they were in the bathroom and he got another finger up his ass. He said his dad was there watching and he figured if a cop came in they'd say ''It's okay, we're doctors.''
Howard said that is so invasive. He said this is what Marc wrote about in his book. Marc said that they were at his grandfather's funeral and his dad wanted to see the body. He said the woman at the funeral home opened up the box and there was his grandfather's face. He said he pulled open his mouth with his finger to look in the mouth. Marc said his father just anted to see his teeth to see if it was him.
Howard asked Marc if the family is happy for him. Marc said his father had some depression and he thinks that making them laugh was a way to get their attention. Howard said that's where his anger came from. Marc asked if they fixed it. Howard said they may not have fixed it but they figured it out.
Howard and Robin went back and forth trying to explain where this anger came from. Howard said his father didn't have jack shit to do with him being funny. Robin said that's where most comedians get it from. They're trying to protect themselves and make someone else laugh.
Howard asked Marc if he's been married. Marc said he has been a couple of times. He said he has a nice woman now and she's adorable. He said she's 29. Marc said he's 49. Howard said that works. Marc said she emailed him and said she listens to the show. He said it was touch and go in the beginning but now it's great. Robin asked what was touch and go. Marc said as a comic you don't date much. He said that when you get off stage you'll meet someone and you'll bang them. He said he was married and he was trying to fuck her out of his life. Marc said he's more prone to crying than yelling. He said when the second one left she ended up with a guy who she may have been emotionally cheating with. Howard said that must be tough. Marc said that can ruin a relationship when you wonder if she's cheating. He said she left and some of that was because of his anger. He said that can drain someone.
Howard asked if she's dating Jon Stewart. Marc said if she is then someone should tell Jon's wife. Marc said she just had a baby and he just has to google her to find out who she's dating. He said he only had to do that once. Marc told Howard about his girlfriend and how great she is for him.
Howard asked Marc about his new TV show ''Maron'' which is going to be on IFC on Friday nights. Howard said Marc created a TV show based on the Podcast thing. Marc said the show is a scripted comedy. Howard said that must be great for him after seeing all of these up and coming young people like Whitney Cummings and Amy Schumer. Marc said he tries not to get jealous of women. He said he doesn't think he could have been a woman.
Howard asked Marc if he's ever done a roast. Marc said he did the Chevy Chase roast and it was like the worst night of his life. He said he's not great at roasting. He said he's got that anger and that's there to hurt someone. He said he got up there and they had a lot of people on the dais. Marc said he got up on stage and bombed. He said he was just bombing and Chevy didn't give a fuck. He said the jokes were good but he could feel his personality disintegrating. He said he was on the verge of tears after doing it. He said he didn't know if he could keep doing comedy.
Howard asked Marc if he knew Sam Kinison. Marc said he got a job as a door man at the Comedy Shop. He said he met Carl Labove. He said that he introduced him to Sam. He said that they gave him a watch as a gift and he wondered if they were the Manson Family or something. Marc said he would get stage time working there. He said that he worked in a room upstairs and his job was to get people to go up there and see more comedy.
Howard asked Marc about what he did with Sam. Marc said he had passed the first test and got that watch from Carl. He said that he went up to meet Sam for the first time. He said they were doing blow together and Sam told him to look him in the eyes as they were doing this. He said he had to look him in the eyes and he was getting the Sam rift and then they ran out of blow. Sam said this was like 4 in the morning and Sam said they had to get more blow. Marc said they were driving up and down Sunset and Sam was in and out of consciousness. Marc said they drove to this guy's house at 4 in the morning and they went up to the door and the guy opens up his door. They go into this guy's room and Sam falls on the floor. He said that all the guy had was miniature bottles of booze and Sam starts drinking them. He said he looks like a giant drinking the booze. He said Sam passes out and he doesn't know that guy or Sam very well. He was going to leave but the guy said he can't leave Sam there. Marc had to bring Sam back to where he lived.
Howard asked Marc if he saw Sam piss on someone or something. Marc said Sam pissed on his bed. He said he would enter a zone. He said Sam pissed on the bed for a reason though. Marc said back then he was 21 years old and out of his mind on drugs. He said he loved Sam's stuff and he saw the evolution of his homosexual bit about the dead guy in the morgue. He said it was mind blowing. Howard said he was a mind blowing comic. Marc said there was this guy Dave who hung around the comedy Stop who was a Satanist. He said he was a dope fiend and Sam couldn't stand him. Marc said this guy Dave would show up and then Sam would come. Marc said two days before Sam had his guitar and amps at his house. He said they had a big jam session. all of the stuff was in his bedroom. Marc said he had to set that up. He said that this guy Dave stood up and said he was going to tell Anton Lavay about Sam not being a real Satanist. Sam stood up and started pounding on him. He said that he wanted to get Sam out of there so he put Dave in his room and locked him in there. Marc said he had a buddy coming in from Boston so he put Dave in that room. Marc said he went out to get his friend from the airport. Marc said he had his friend, Bill, with him. He said they went back to the house and he was going to show him the house. He said Sam was still there with a couple of other people. The party was still going on. He said the door of his room was kicked in and the equipment was gone. He said he walked in and stood there. He said Sam said ''I pissed on your bed Maron.'' He said that Sam told him that he let his friend Dave sleep with his guitars so he had to piss on his bed. Marc said to his friend Bill ''See, I told you I knew him.''
Marc said he left town not long after that and got cleaned up. He said that was the best thing to ever happen to him. Howard said he had to get away from him to find himself.
Howard gave Marc a plug for his TV show ''Maron'' and for his book ''Attempting Normal'' which is out now.
Howard said he was reading about Marc going to meet Lorne Michaels and eating some candy off his desk. Marc said he was also a little bit high. Marc said he wasn't wasted. He said that Tracy Morgan was waiting to go in when he walked out. Howard asked why he thinks that the candy had something to do with it. Marc said he was talking to Lorne and looking at him in the eyes weird. He said that it was like what Sam used to do with him looking him in the eye. Marc said he took a piece of candy and he thinks that may have had something to do with him not getting the job. Robin asked if there are others who have failed that test. Marc said they should reach out. Marc told Howard that he took that Jolly Rancher and that was it. He said he may have had some other missteps in there too. Marc said he later heard that they may have had him in there trying to get Norm to re-up with them.
Howard asked Marc if he's against these people who use props in their act. Marc said that they're entertainers. Marc said you have to separate them. He said he went to see Carrot Top's show and interviewed him. He said he's not a happy guy. He said he's looked at like this anti-Christ. Marc said he's happy making the money he's making. He said during the show Carrot Top says that there's a real comic in the room and he was talking about him. Howard asked why it matters if you use a prop to make someone laugh. Marc said he doesn't care. Robin asked why there's something wrong with ventriloquists. Marc said there are only like 2 left so why be angry at them?
Howard gave Marc some more plugs and asked Marc if he ever date comics. Marc said his second wife was a model who became a comic. He said that she's doing just fine now.
Howard asked Marc if he ever went on medication to calm himself. Marc said his problem is anxiety and he was on Prozac for a while. He said it was just a short time. He said that was years ago. Marc said he felt like he was locked inside himself. He said the old personality never went away. He said he eats nicotine lozenges now but that's about it. Howard said his book is very intense. Marc said he tries to mix things up in the book. He talks about the divorces and buying pants.
Howard said Marc's podcast is available at WTFPod.com and on iTunes. Howard asked if Adam Carolla's podcast is really number 1. Marc said there are 5 or 6 that move around but Ira Glass is always number 1.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Marc shouldn't be jealous of Jon Stewart because he's funny and Marc isn't. Marc said he's heard that before. Howard said he feels like they're on Twitter now. Howard said this guy called up saying that he's a great comic. The caller said he was thinking he was pretty funny but after the conversation went on he didn't think he was that funny. Howard said the guy is giving you insight into his life. Marc said the guy is trying to spin it that it's a sympathetic gesture to call him an asshole. Marc said that the anger thing isn't what he used to be. Marc said he wants to be a great comic and he has tried really hard to turn things around.
Howard took a call from a friend of Marc's who said that he has come a long way. He said he was once driving Marc and some other comics somewhere and they were all talking about getting on Letterman and they were all very angry. He said he turned to them and asked them if they're supposed to be funny. Marc said he has to hang out with this guy again sometime. Howard wrapped up and gave Marc some more plugs for his TV show, Podcast and book. Marc thanked Howard for that. Howard said somewhere out there is a bitter, jealous comic who is jealous of Marc. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and played a phony phone call Sal and Richard made to a Swap Shop show. Sal said he had a mould of Johnny Carson's taint. Richard called in and said they're having a feed where they eat dog testicles that were removed at the vet's office. The host hung up on both of them of course. He later said that they would try again tomorrow and get rid of the knuckleheads.
Howard said David Letterman hasn't said anything about Jay Leno being pushed out of NBC yet. Howard said he's asked Dave to come on the show this morning. Howard had Evil Dave Letterman on the ISDN line. Howard said they're going to limit this to the Leno stuff only. Howard asked Dave what his take is on this whole thing. Dave said he likes the idea of Fallon taking over the Tonight Show. He said he's a hell of a lot more fuckable than Leno. Dave said they have hot interns on that show too so he's looking forward to that.
Dave said he's better than Jay too because he has a white band leader. Dave said he's buying Jay a 1971 Pinto for his going away present. He said that's the car with the exploding gas tank.
Dave said that Jimmy Kimmel is so skinny. He asked Howard if he thinks he has AIDS. Howard asked why he's attacking these guys. Dave said he doesn't know. Dave said he should retire and let the other guys take over. He said while they're busy writing their jokes he could sneak in and fuck all their wives.
Robin asked Dave how he feels with Jay being pushed out. Dave said TV won't be the same without him. He said it'll be better.
Howard said Dave should write a top 10 list about Jay. Dave said he was going to do that but then it occurred to him ''Who gives a fuck?''
Howard said with Jay leaving he figured Dave might leave too. Dave said that he hasn't been this excited since he first mounted an intern on his fuck couch. Dave also told Howard he looks very sexy on America's Got Talent and he wants him to murder his vagina.
Dave said he didn't know Jay was up against him until he stopped fucking his interns. He said he's got time to learn Mandarin Chinese now too.
Howard asked Dave what he thinks about this gay guy who just came out. Dave said he needs to wash his hands. He said he bets if Ryan Seacrest came out he could get any man in the world. Howard said Ryan is straight. Dave asked ''Is he?''
Dave said they have to get Howard on the show again soon. He asked Howard if that black woman still works with him. He said he wanted to hire one but he always chickened out. Howard thanked Dave for the call and said he's very evil. Howard asked how they even got him on the phone. Dave said he didn't know but his agent is away.
Howard said this is actually Evil Dave. Howard said Dave did some good reading today. He only got one word wrong. Dave said he's proud of himself. Howard asked how he's doing. Dave said he's doing real good. He said at this point he's trying to forget things by putting vodka in water bottles. Howard said they should end this now while it's still funny. Howard said Dave had some trouble with the name Kim Jong Un too. Howard let Dave go a short time later.
Howard said he can't get enough of him. He said those were his first statements about the Jay Leno controversy. Howard still had Dave up on the line. Howard said he wasn't aware of that. He said he put down the wrong thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to ask Dave a question. Howard got him back on. The caller asked Dave what became of the fuck room. Howard told him not to get started on that stuff. Dave said that he had it redecorated in yellow. Howard said this guy is going to ruin it. He said he's going to fuck it all up if he keeps it going.
The caller asked if Back Office Radio will be back. Howard said it will but not now. He said that they have a lot of stuff going on right now but they'll get it back one day. He said it won't be for a long time. Howard said they had to take off some of the shows and people complain that they took them away after complaining that they had to get them off the air. Howard let Dave go again and went to break.
Howard said when Dr. Drew was on an Richard came in he said his ancestors were from Kansas. Howard said Richard scored a high IQ on the test. He said that he's not sure how you don't know where your ancestors are from.
Richard came in so Howard asked what's wrong with him. Richard said he thinks it was more of a New York thing to know where your ancestors are from. Richard said in Kansas it's not something that comes up. Howard asked if he ever asked where his grandparents were from. Richard said they were all from Kansas. Howard said he must have asked where they were from. Richard said that his grandfather has some Indian in him. Howard said there you go. He said it might be interesting to find out. Richard said he went on Ancestry.com but they wanted to charge so he didn't do it. Howard told him to call his dad and ask instead. Howard said Richard was born in a family that he could have found out his ancestry from and he didn't bother asking.
Howard said Richard was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday talking about some interesting things. Howard said he's just funny talking about his alcoholism. Howard said Ronnie was talking about anal and he's like an expert now. Howard played some audio of Ronnie talking about how he figured out anal by watching an instructional video about doing anal.
Howard said years ago they had instructional videos that started out as porn. He said they were sex experts and you could watch this stuff in regular movie theaters. Richard said they had sex-ed in his high school. Howard said he never had anything like that. Howard said it's hard to explain but he was living in Roosevelt and they got sex education in 9th grade or so. He said back then he had never seen anyone doing drugs but in this class there were kids smoking weed in the classroom. Howard said he's not even kidding about that. Howard said that doesn't sound so crazy now but back then it was.
Howard said he was taught nothing about life by his parents. He said he wasn't prepared at all. Howard said his mother got him Playboy when he was a kid but she told him that those women were freaks. He said that she said real women look like her and his sister. Howard said he could dream about having one of those freaks one day. Howard did his impression of his mother and goofed around with that for a few minutes. Howard said she used to pride herself that she was raising a son who was sensitive to women. Howard said now look at him. He said he's real sensitive. Howard did his mother's voice saying if he wants to beat off then he should beat off to her.
Howard said when he went to health class he was just trying to stay alive. He said his mother raised him to be sensitive to women and he beats off to porn every night. Howard said he was beating off to it last night. Howard said he was watching a doctor and patient porn that was in Japanese. He said that it was one on YouPorn where they had a Japanese MILF who cums from her doctor. Howard said that this guy was sticking shit into her like he's never seen. He said they actually blocked some of it out. Howard said he didn't want to see it anyway. Richard said Japan has weird laws about porn. He said they can't show vagina.
Howard said when guys spit on a vagina he's disgusted. He said that the whole thing is degrading. He said women spit on a penis and it's just disgusting. Howard said he's so sick of it all. He said he wishes he could rise above it. He said it just keeps sucking him back in.
Benjy asked Howard if he's ever considered stopping it for a month. Howard said he has gone 6 months not doing it. He said he just does it and doesn't need to deny himself of beating off. Richard said he would have wet dreams if he stopped beating off. Howard said he has never had a wet dream. Richard said he had them when he wasn't getting laid. Howard said he's never had a pleasant dream. He said they're all nightmares. Robin said he doesn't remember all of his dreams. Howard said he's never had a good one. Richard asked if he's ever woken up with a mess on his belly. Howard said he never has.
Howard said he really doesn't care and doesn't want to hear it. Benjy asked Howard stopping masturbating helped his relationship. Howard said it didn't really affect it either way. He said it's probably better to stop. He said Mike Tyson said he only thinks about his wife when he beats off. Howard said he really was a great interview. Howard said he thinks about the stuff he said and it was mind blowing.
Robin said he was talking about visiting Mohammed Ali and they don't even talk. Howard said he was blown away by that. Howard said he is in awe of that.
Howard asked if they wanted to hear Neutral Milk Hotel. He had some of their music. Howard played a few seconds of that and said he was done. Howard said he's sure Steve Brandano wants them on the show. Fred did his impression of Steve for a few seconds.
Howard played some audio from the Celebrity Super Fan Roundtable. In the clip Jeff Probst asked Johnny Knoxville who he doesn't like on the show. Johnny said that Benjy annoys him. Andy Richter said he annoys him too. He said he's a good joke writer but some of the other stuff he does is annoying. Andy said Benjy thinks that he's like a modern day Andy Kaufman. Howard asked Benjy if he is really that weird or is he putting that on. Benjy said sometimes he's goofing around but sometimes he's not.
Gary said that Benjy might be getting his high sneakers made even taller. Howard said that has to be a bit. Benjy said he likes being taller. He said it's fun and cool. He said he gets more respect when he wears them.
Gary said that when you see Benjy sitting at a desk with those on it looks like a kid sitting in a corner. Gary said that everyone is talking behind his back about his shoes. Howard said that Benjy likes that. That's what Andy Richter is talking about.
Howard played more of the Roundtable clip where Andy was talking about Benjy. Rob Corddry got in on that conversation and said that he would never hire a guy like that who shows up late. He said he would never, ever hire him. Danny Zuker said the same thing. Danny said the laziness of his bit doesn't play. Danny said they have to write jokes in TV and movies and that late thing just doesn't work. Howard said Benjy is a great joke writer and he wouldn't have him there if he wasn't. Benjy was telling them to check their records to see how many times he showed up late. Benjy said that he got labeled with being late when other people were showing up late.
Gary said that Benjy just showed up late to the writer's meeting a couple of weeks ago. He said he wasn't terribly late but he was late. Benjy said he was like a minute late. Fred said that he's going to go on the record and say that Benjy wrote the ''I'm going to be late'' bit.
Howard said on his show people get endless credit and accolades. Benjy said they get critiqued too. Robin said he gets critiqued for his shtick and all of this other stuff. Howard said he doesn't know how he got sucked into this. He said he doesn't want to be in a conversation with him. He cut off his microphone and played a song parody about the Benjy vortex.
Howard said he's sure that she'll be out of that relationship in a year or less. Howard said she isn't in relationships for very long so she'll be out of this one. Gary said he wishes her great luck. Howard said he'd like her to be happy too but he'd rather have her on the dating game.
Gary said that Jenny could end up changing her last name to Winklevoss if she plays the dating game. Gary said he did speak to one of them and he was up for playing the game.
Howard said he has a contest that they were thinking about doing. He played a promo for the game which was Miss Hottest Nazi in the World Beauty Pageant. Howard said he had another one and played that promo. That one was The World's Most Handsome Pedophile Contest. They had to take another break a short time later.
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Howard said that he never mentioned that Richie Havens died while they were on vacation. He said Richie was on the show a couple of times. Howard played some of his music for Robin. Robin wasn't aware that he had passed away. Howard said that he was a great guitar player. He would use an open tuning and do something with his thumb to get the right notes.
Robin said they say that you have that ''right rasp'' on The Voice. Howard said he hasn't been watching those other shows lately. He said he's going to Chicago next week for more judging. He said he has been dead on so far this season. He said he thinks he's become a better judge this season.
Howard said Mel B was against a comic on the show because she felt that a joke was racial. Howard said he didn't see that. Howard said he likes the danger acts and he thinks one of them could win. Howard said Evel Knievel was a danger act and he was a huge draw.
Robin said she read a quote from Glen Frey who is against the singing shows. She said he has said that these people are over coached for the shows. Robin said she agrees with that on some of the songs they sing. Howard said it's just a show and it's fun. Howard said they have so many wacky acts on their show. He said they have people doing physical feats with their bodies. Howard said two gay dudes came out and did some crazy stuff. Howard said he thinks this season is going to be great. He knows people don't like it when he says that though.
Robin got to her news and read about a case where a woman accused a man of rape but she had breakfast with him the next day. Howard said she may have wanted to make him feel comfortable that she's not going to go to the cops to keep him from hurting her. Robin said this is a Columbia University student who claims she was drugged and the guy had sex with her while she was out of it. Robin said she waited a couple of days before reporting the crime. Robin said the cops listened in on a phone call where the guy admitted to doping her but she also said she wanted to be drugged. Howard said he knows some people who have been raped and they didn't wanted to go through the whole thing of reporting it and having that shame and all of that. He said the suffer with it because they've never had justice. Howard said he's been with some women who have been raped and it really screws them up.
Robin read about this Space Monkey game that kids are playing now. This is where kids choke themselves to get high. Robin said kids between 6 and 19 are doing this to get high. Howard said Ralph used to do that to chicks. He had Ralph on the phone so he let him in on the conversation. Howard said this sounds dangerous. Robin said it is. She said a 9th grader was killed playing the game. Howard said his balls are stuck to his leg so he has to unstick them. He said it's such a good feeling. Ralph said he wears briefs and never has that problem. He said everything stays in place.
Ralph said he heard Howard talking about AGT. He said he thinks Howard is much better this season. He said he isn't taking any nonsense from the judges or from the contestants. Howard said the producers had to talk to him about being too negative. He said he was sick and he had to apologize. He said he has a short fuse. Ralph said he has no fuse. Howard said he did get a lecture from the producers. Howard said he was just keeping it real. Ralph said he was telling them to hurry up. He said at one point Howard laid across the judges table pretending to sleep. Howard said he gets so impatient at times. Howard said he's not sure they'll keep that stuff in the show. He said he wishes they'd show the real him. Howard said he yelled at Howie at one point but he didn't know he was being so aggressive. Howard said Howie brought up something about how much money he was making and he went berserk asking why he's counting his money. Howard said he loves Howie and they were fine after he went off on him. Ralph said he's just miserable there. Howard said he has to pretend to be Happy Howard there. He said this is who they hired. They hired a lunatic.
Howard said Ralph took some great pictures while he was working so he's going to post those on HowardStern.com. He said he'll do that in the next couple of days. Howard said Ralph was out in Los Angeles and he had to go back to the hotel room to get something. Ralph said he had to just run out of the car and run back. Howard said they got to the shoot and they asked ''Where's your glam team?'' Howard said he was so embarrassed by that. He said he had to tell the guy his glam team was running late. Howard said he might as well have asked him to put his cock in his ass too.
Howard said he and Beth got Ralph a massage for his birthday which was last week. Howard said they got him a massage from a guy and he didn't think Ralph would do it if it was a guy. Howard said Ralph loved it. Ralph said Beth texted him that they were getting him a massage and he didn't even really want one. He said his name was great and so gay. He said he looked like Bronson Pinchot. He said that he didn't freak out. He got the massage and it was great. Howard said Ralph is open to everything. Ralph said the guy did his arms and hands and at one point it was like they were holding hands. He said the massage was like an hour and 15 minutes long and it was great. Fred played a Little Mikey song parody about the massage.
Ralph said the guy was getting close to his stuff. He said he was kind of close. He said he was on his back and the guy asked if he could rub his chest. Ralph said he said ''Well, yeah, why not. You've been rubbing my ass for 20 minutes.'' Ralph said he was kneading his ass and rubbing his legs. Howard asked if his buttocks was exposed. Ralph said he thinks it was. Howard said it all worked out for him. Howard said he didn't think Ralph was going to do it with a guy though. He said he really thinks Ralph is straight. He said he's going to feel like an idiot when he comes out of the closet. He told Ralph to stay in that closet. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read more about that choking game Space Monkey. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about it being an asphyxiation but she said it wrong so Howard rewound it and listened to it again. Howard said she should learn to say it right.
Robin read about Cyndi Lauper's musical Kinky Boots getting the most Tony award nominations. Howard said he was invited to the opening of the show and he wasn't able to make it. Howard said he thinks that Harvey Firestein isn't a fan of theirs either. Robin said she's met him a few times and he's fine. Robin said Alec Baldwin was nominated too. Howard said they might have to watch the Tony's this year.
Robin read about how Sarah Silverman is going to be doing an HBO comedy special. Howard said that's great. He said she's very funny.
Robin read about how The Beatles hold many records for their album sales. Robin said this album was beaten by a woman in England by the name of Emeli Sande. Robin had some clips of her music for Howard to hear. Howard said that can't be right. Robin said she's beaten the record of having her album on the charts for a number of consecutive weeks. Howard said he can't believe that. That led to Howard goofing on Gary about his vinyl collection. They played some audio of him on Jimmy Fallon talking about his 4,000 pieces of vinyl.
Robin said there's a review of Iron Man 3 in the paper toady and they gave it a 1 and a half star review. Howard said Ralph has seen it twice already and he loved it. Howard asked Steve Brandano what he thought. Steve said it was a thumbs up and he thinks Howard will like it. He said it was better than Iron Man 2. Howard said he thinks the previews look good. Robin asked Howard about the Liberace movie and how Michael Douglas is playing Liberace. Robin asked if anyone is looking forward to seeing Michael Douglas and Matt Damon making out. Howard said he is. He said it should be very funny. Robin said that's coming up on HBO soon. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a WNBA player that came out of the closet shortly after Jason Collins came out. She didn't get any coverage. Howard said he's not surprised by that. Robin had some audio of the WNBA player that Jason Collins was dating and talking about how she's straight and she'll have a husband one day. She had some other audio clips of some people reacting to Collins' news.
Howard said Ralph is back on the phone with a review of Iron Man 3. Howard said he has 13 seconds. Ralph said the movie is great. He said it's one of the greatest super hero movies ever. Ralph said it was just awesome and he was blown away. He said he's going to see it for a third time this week.
Robin read about how some other sports are handling the gay basketball player. Robin said that the NHL is ready for their first gay player to come out. Robin said that Heinz Ward says the NFL isn't ready for their first openly gay player. Robin said he says that there are too many guys in the locker room and guys play around too much. Howard said he wishes more guys around there would come out too. He said it makes for good radio. He said when High Pitch Mike came out it was great radio. Howard said that if anyone wants to come out they should wait until Monday's show. He said there has to be someone there who is gay.
Robin said Tim Tebow is a free agent. Robin asked what the deal is with him. She wondered if he's good or not. Howard said he must not be that good. Howard said Gary told him that he's more of a scrambler. Gary said he may be decent but the Jets didn't do anything with him. He said the Jets kind of fucked him over because no one is interested in him now. Howard said it's such a weird thing. He said it doesn't make sense.
Howard told Gary that when someone comes out on the show they have to make sure it's someone they know. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin went through some other news and read about Amanda Knox's case and had some audio of her talking to Diane Sawyer last night.
Robin read a story about the fund they have for the Boston bombing victims. Robin said they've collected about $30 million so far but that won't be enough over the long term. Robin said they're still asking for donations.
Robin said the man who was car jacked the night of the shoot out was in the car with the bombers for a while. Robin said he is now saying that he's no hero. Robin had some audio of the guy saying that the police are the heroes. Robin said the guy is disguising his voice and changing his name so no one knows who he is. Robin said he's also talking about how the older brother was the one giving orders. Robin said the younger brother asked how much the guy paid for his SUV. The driver was let go and they say they let him go because he wasn't American.
Robin said it's May 1st and people are pushing for immigration reform today. Robin said they are calling for Congress to do something on this day. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:05am.
Jon and Steve talked about the Game of Thrones scene that Howard goofed on today. They were explaining why the guy was so hard to understand.
Jon said Benjy is there and he took a lot of flack on the show today. He said Benjy got very defensive today. He asked if he thinks Howard and Robin saw his perspective on that. Benjy said he thinks Howard does. He said that he gets paid to write for Howard and he thinks Howard realizes he does good work. Benjy said you get a lot of hatred on the show for things that go wrong. He said that you never hear anything when things go right. Jon said he doesn't think his humor is being picked apart. Benjy said that he felt that people get more a sense of who he is when he's on the Wrap Up Show. He said it hurts him when people don't know who he is and they base it on that.
Benjy said he also didn't like that Johnny Knoxville said he liked Fred's laugh and not his. Benjy said he knows he has a better laugh than Fred.
Jon said once something happens on the show it's tough to fight it. Benjy was fighting back about being late saying that others are late as much as he is. Benjy said that it's wrong to be late but it sounds like someone who is late like once a week. Benjy said it was a couple of times over a couple of years. Benjy said eventually that will be one time in one year.
Benjy said he has calculated how long it takes to get there. He said Howard told him to get there before the show and that's what he's doing.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks that other people should be included in the late thing even if they've been yelled at off the air. Gary said it was a big thing to Howard. He said that's what he's leaving out of this. Gary said it was still a problem and it's stopped being a problem. Gary said he's going to say this again. He said if he were in Benjy's position and if he was going to have a problem if he's late again, he'd show up earlier. Benjy said he'll try showing up earlier. Jon said he's either going to do it or not do it. Benjy said ''Yeah...''
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Benjy if he's afraid to come to work in the morning catching all of this heat. Benjy said he's not afraid of going to work.
Gary asked Benjy about Detlev Bronk and if that was a bit or real. Benjy was silent for a few seconds. Benjy said he'll just say this. He said that Gary has agreed to not talk about it. Gary said he can't tell if he's talking to Benjy Shtick or Benjy Bronk. He said he still can't tell. Jon said Benjy commits to a bit 100 percent. Benjy said they know what's up. Gary said he really doesn't. Benjy said that something happened with Langford and he'll talk off the air about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Benjy could have had a big career outside of the Stern Show. He said he has that look that could get him work. He said the problem is that when he speaks it's always layered with subtext and that drives people crazy. He said he has to just answer a question when he's asked a question. Benjy said he probably doesn't fit in that way on the show. He said he could be better. He said he could be more milk toast. The caller told him to just answer a question when Howard asks him something. Benjy said he does do that. He said he has trouble not being honest and he has to explain.
Gary said he's glad Howard said something today about Benjy being a funny guy. He said Benjy wouldn't be there if he didn't produce. He said Benjy has made him laugh the hardest than anyone on the show. He said it kills him when he goes out to some place and screams where they're supposed to be silent.
Gary asked Benjy if he felt vindicated when Howard said he was funny. Benjy said he did kind of. He said he wants everyone to love him. They had to go to break after that.
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Jon asked Sal about the porn he watches and how hard core that stuff can be. Sal said he's seen some stuff that's really hard core and not even sexual. He said that he has seen stuff that he's decided just isn't for him. Gary said Sal likes the pee porn stuff and he used to go on PissMops.com and sites like that. Sal said he likes women who like having that done to them. He said that he doesn't like it being done against their will. He said he wants a woman who is crazier than the guy. Sal said he'd like a woman who says that she wants more than one guy in her ass when a guy says he's going to fuck her in the ass. Sal said it's all about the fetish. Sal said that he likes a girl who steps it up past your fantasies.
Sal said he saw a guy pick up a girl and dunk her head in a toilet and then jack off in her face. He said he started laughing at that one. Richard said he showed that one to everyone in the office. Sal said that was just funny to him and he didn't get off on that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that being late in New York or Los Angeles is going to be a regular thing. He said that Benjy being late isn't that big of a deal. Jon said that Benjy can cut it close but he can't be late. He said it's a distraction to Howard. Benjy said he gets that and he's more respectful of that now.
Gary said that being late a few times a year isn't acceptable. He said that someone may overlook it. Sal said Benjy should give himself more of a window. He said if he can't get into the building then he's going to be in trouble. Benjy said he does give himself a window. Jon said they don't want to see him cut it too close and then not ever come up there again.
Jon said that Richard was talking about his ancestry and he wondered how many of his relatives come from Kansas. Richard said he looked it up on Ancestry.com and he found people going back to the early 1900s. He said he knows his mother looked it up and had some people going back to the 1800s.
Gary asked if anyone has anything interesting in their ancestry. He said he knows that Mary had traced back family to the Mayflower.
Jon said that JD doesn't know his ancestry either. Sal said that he's asked Richard about it many times and he doesn't seem to care.
Gary said they used to do this bit with Dave and he would always throw in his own bad jokes. He said they asked him to stick to their material and he promised he would. He said he would always throw in his own stuff even when they asked him not to. Gary said he thinks that he wanted to be more than a talking head.
Jon said the funny part was Fred adding in the bass line that they playa on the real Letterman show. Gary said he thought Dave was doing that. He said that would have been really funny.
Richard and Sal shared some stories about what Dave would do when they would work with him. Richard said his mind is hilarious.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they have ever gone in a room to have a guy massage them for an hour. Gary and Richard said they had. Gary said he went to a place that only allowed same sex massages. Gary said that this person bought him some massages at this place and it didn't seem so odd at the time. Benjy asked if it bothered him at all. Gary said no. He said when you watch old movies you see guys doing the massage. He said it's not that weird.
Benjy said they're all in committed relationships. He asked if it would be wrong to get a massage from an attractive woman. The guys all said no. Sal said that if he's going to get one he's going to a woman. Richard said he agrees with Gary this time. Gary said now when he gets one he goes to a woman. He said he feels weird getting a massage from a guy. He said it's not homophobic though. Benjy asked if he has a racial preference. Gary said he doesn't have a racial preference.
Sal said that he doesn't want a guy fondling his nuts in a massage. He said he has a hot Russian who does his massages. He said she's a great doctor and very thorough. Sal said he has seen male doctors. He said he prefers women. He would rather not have a guy rubbing his ass.
Sal said he once had a monstrosity rubbing him down. He said that she picked up a squirt bottle full of vegetable oil. He said she shot it all over him and he smelled like a salad. He said he just had to end it right there. Gary asked how it would have ended up with an attractive girl. Sal said it would have been just the opposite. They had to go to break after that.
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Benjy asked Richard what he would have said to the guy to get him to move away from his balls. Richard said he would have asked him to move to his back or something.
Jon asked Sal if he's ever had wet dream like Richard did. Sal said he doesn't think he has. He said he has wet his bed during a dream. Richard said he loved the wet dreams. He said that after a while you realize what's going on. He said at 19 he stopped masturbating for a year. Benjy said that they say that you get more in touch with things if you stop doing them.
Gary said he remembers reading about wet dreams in his Boy Scout manual. He said they called them nocturnal emissions. Gary said that was just weird. He said it never happened to him and he didn't even know what it meant.
Jon asked Sal if he was ever in the boy scouts. Sal said he never was. He said his father would never allow that. Gary said he was telling his kids about Sal and how he was like a prisoner locked up in a pizzeria.
Sal asked Gary how often he jerks off. Gary said he hasn't done it in like a month now. He said that there are times when he does it once a day for a week though.
Ralph called in and said that he used to get Boy's Life magazine and they always had crappy stuff for sale in the back. The guys all talked about some of those toys and the stuff they got.
Jon asked Ralph if he thinks anyone on the staff is gay and not out of the closet. Ralph said he thinks they're all married. Gary said someone there could be but not in the core group. He said it's someone outside of the main group that might be.
Ralph said that his masseuse was gay. He said he thinks he was anyway. He said if he isn't then he should be. Ralph said he didn't freak when he got his massage. He said if he was at Scores he'd want a chick but that's in a sexual situation. He said he's not sure how you don't get a hard on if a chick is massaging you.
Gary said he's been to some good spas and they have some middle of the road chubby chicks there. Benjy was wondering if it's cheating when a guy is rubbing you down and touches you in the wrong spot. He said he thinks it is. Gary said it's not. Benjy said that he would ask for a less attractive woman if he had an attractive one in the room. He said he doesn't think it's that hard to do that. Gary said you can't switch that easily at some of these places.
Gary said he thinks that it's a healthy attitude to laugh at it like Ralph is. He said he has faith in his sexuality so he doesn't worry about it. Benjy asked what he would do if he was rubbing his balls. Ralph said he'd have to see how he did it first. He said he can't answer that without it happening. He said he did come close a couple of times. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
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In the clip Gary told Howard that he and his wife were going to have a Baby Booey. Howard said that he's never going to get any sleep. He said he's a douche. Howard told him his life is going to change and he's never going to watch hockey again. Billy West was doing his impression of Gary saying all kinds of Baba Booey names.
Howard said if he retires in a year Gary is screwed. He said he has to support a kid now. Gary said he can do it. He said his dad supported three kids with an ice cream truck. He said he may not be as happy as he is right now. Howard asked what he will do if he doesn't have a job there. Gary said he'll figure something out.
Howard asked Gary if he had any trouble getting her pregnant. Gary said he had no trouble at all. He said it happened on the first try. He said they found out by doing a pregnancy test on a stick. He said that they waited to be sure before telling anyone.
Billy West was doing his Jay Leno impression and said that he hopes the baby doesn't come out black. He said he might end up looking like Branford. Jay said he'd like to bang Gary's wife himself. He said that this is the new Blue Jay.
Gary said his wife's breasts are a little bigger now. Howard said once she breast feeds those things are going to start sagging. Gary said he knows.
Howard said Gary's wife is young enough that she shouldn't end up with a retard. Robin said the father is a retard. Billy was still doing his Leno impression goofing on Gary. Howard asked Gary what he wants, a boy or a girl. Gary said he'd like to have a boy. Billy asked who will pick the nits out of the fur. They were goofing on Gary's teeth and things like that too.
Howard asked how his parents reacted. Gary said they were all excited. He said it's a thrill. Gary said they didn't tell anyone they were trying. He said about 2 days after finding out she was pregnant Robin asked if something was going on.
Howard asked Gary if they're going to do Amniocentesis. Gary said they're not. He said they're just going by doctor's orders and they say they don't need to do it. Howard said even if the kid is retarded it'll be smarter than Gary.
Billy was still doing his Leno impression and goofing on Gary's teeth. Howard asked Gary if he did it from behind. Gary said no. He said they were talking about having kids and they wanted to try it and see what happened. He said it worked. He said they didn't do all of that stuff that people do.
Howard said if Gary has a boy then he's fired. Howard said he wasn't able to have a boy so he has to fire him. Howard said they say the deeper you penetrate the more chance you'll have a boy. Howard said that would explain why he had girls.
Tom Chiusano came in and said he had asked Gary if he was putting on sympathy weight. Gary said he did but now he's losing weight while she's gaining. Howard said Gary is so dopey for not inviting Tom to his wedding. He said he'd have some closeness with him and maybe he'd give him a raise if he asked. Gary said he's just trying to celebrate life here. He said Howard is putting death all over this thing.
Howard said Tom is pretty religious. Tom said he's not very religious but he does go to church. Howard said the whole religion thing is so weird. He said people worship different things and think they work better than others. Tom said he doesn't believe that. He said this was just the way he was brought up and taught. Robin said they also taught that the world was flat. Howard asked Tom if there's a difference between Santa and Jesus. Gary said there is. Howard said they're both made up.
Howard said he thinks Santa and Jesus are equal. Gary asked why they'd write a huge book if someone didn't exist. Howard said L. Ron Hubbard wrote a made up book and now people pray to him. Howard said he doesn't go to services. Robin said he does too. Howard said he goes to make them happy at times. Howard said he was against any religious training for his kids. He said he'd rather have them go to karate class. Gary asked if he would be okay with them studying Buddhism. Howard said he'll disown them if they want to worship some fat green guy. Howard said saying that your statue of Mary is better than Buddha is wrong. Tom said religion has probably started more wars than anything else so he's right there.
Billy got back to doing his Leno impression and asked if Gary is going to be using a pediatrician or a veterinarian. He also asked how he's going to find a baby carriage with a cage on it. Howard said he wonders if the kids will end up with Gary's law line or Mary's.
Howard got back to the religious discussion and talked to Tom and Gary about that stuff for a few more minutes. Howard said all of those stories are fables they told to keep people in line.
Gary asked Robin if she believes. Robin said she believes there is some order to the universe. Howard got a laugh out of that. Robin asked if there was a god why would the Pope fall in his bathtub. Tom asked how that matters. Howard said everything is screwy with the whole religion thing. Howard congratulated Gary and said that his name will continue on. Howard said he has to keep working until 2000 now that Gary is having a child.
Howard told Gary he'll be fine as a house husband. He said his wife will go out and earn when he's out of work. Howard said it's not too shameful to be a house husband. Gary said he doesn't work the standard 9-5 hours. Gary said he'll be able to spend some time with the child.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Gary about the kid and how he's going to handle it. Howard said Gary has to sell his apartment too. He said he has a kid coming and he has to get rid of that. He said he's a mess. Gary said he didn't know the real estate values were going to go down. He asked Gary and Howard if their houses are worth as much as they were 5 years ago. Howard said they're the same but he's not in the position to sell. They wrapped up a short time later.
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Mystery Record Leads To Howard's Mom Calling In. 05/01/2001. 8:35am
Howard mentioned that Michael Model died yesterday after his battle with Hodgkin's disease. He was a friend of the show so Howard was upset about the news.
Howard spent a minute talking to Robin about singer Esthero who he wants to get on the show to perform a song. Howard said he talked about her on the show one other time and Robin hated the song that he played. Esthero dislikes Robin now that she's said that. Howard jokingly said she wants to box Robin over her comments.
A phone caller asked Howard if he could play a game to win something today. Gary had a mystery record to play so they offered the guy a Palm M105 as the prize. Howard played the record of a guy singing in Italian. It was awful and the guy didn't get it right but Howard gave him the prize anyway. It turned out to be one of the guys from ''The Sopranos'' who was singing so poorly. Gary said it's off of the soundtrack album for the show called ''The Sopranos, Peppers and Eggs'' which will be available soon.
Robin said the singing was similar to Howard's father singing on the old tapes he has from 40 years go. Howard had Fred play those tapes so he could compare them. That led to Howard talking about his father and how he yelled at him so much when he was a kid.
Howard's mother called in a short time later to yell at Howard for talking about his father that way. Fred was playing the tapes of Ben Stern yelling ''Shut up, sit down!'' and ''I told you not to be stupid you moron!'' and Howard was saying that's the reason he has to go to a shrink. He wondered if he should bring those tapes to the shrink to play. Howard's mother told him that she can't believe he's playing those tapes and making fun of his father that way. She was saying that his father never yelled at him like that, other than those rare moments that were caught on tape. She also said that Howard doesn't need a psychiatrist because it's all nonsense. She doesn't believe in them and she doesn't think that they do any good for people.
Robin told Ray that she went to a shrink and it did a lot of good for her. Gary and Stuttering John agreed that it helped her out a lot. They also told Ray that it's made Howard a different man. Howard was a miserable guy 4-5 years ago according to John. He's more understanding and relaxed now and it shows. Ray just thinks that Howard's past is just that, his past, and he doesn't need to think about it anymore. He tried to tell her that's why he goes to the shrink but she just doesn't want to hear it.
Howard's buddy Ralph came in and backed up everything everyone was saying. He hangs out with Howard more than anyone and he would know. Howard said Ralph knows him better than his own mother so he should know more than she does. Howard thinks that his mother just thinks that since she raised him, there can't be anything wrong with her son. That just isn't true though. Howard eventually told his mommy that he loves her and his father very much. After he hung up he said to call and set up an appointment with his shrink right away.
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In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they were going to do more Cookie Puss. Howard said he doesn't want to do it every day. They had just talked about it the day before. Howard talked to Fred about the conversation they had and how nutty Fred is. Howard said Fred will latch on to one person and not let go. Howard told Scott to set him up with the Cookie Puss voice. Howard said he needs it ready just in case.
Howard said that he took Fred on early on in his career. Fred said he thought he was a friend. Howard said he is a friend. Howard said Fred gets lonely and he latches on to people. Howard said he used to hang around Fred all the time but he had to kick him out. Howard said Fred latched on to other people after that. Howard said Fred used to hang out with Gary all the time. Gary said he used to go to Fred's place actually. Gary said his family liked Fred too. Howard said Fred stared to go over to Gary's parent's house on his own though. Gary said it was just one time.
Howard said Fred is very pliable. He said he'd be back in Connecticut if his girlfriend dumped him. Fred said that's not true. Howard said Fred is changing and grooming himself now that he has the girlfriend. Howard said he was changed by his girlfriend Dee Snider. Howard said Fred kind of has the perfect relationship and he can zero in on one person and devote himself to that one person. He said that's good. Robin said she admires that.
Howard did some of his Cookie Puss voice and goofed on Fred a little bit. Howard said he bets his mother still has some of that Cookie Puss cake. Howard said he didn't want to get into that again. He said he didn't want to ruin it for Fred.
Howard said that Gary isn't being open and honest. He said that Gary used to call him about Fred all the time. Gary said Fred doesn't like to come out that much now that he has his girlfriend. Fred said that he gets evaluated if he goes out. Howard said they evaluate everyone there. Howard said he can't be quiet for 4 hours. They goofed on Fred a little more and went to break a short time later.
Jodie Moore The Tea Bag Expert. 05/02/06. 7:45am
Howard said that they have a girl from the Penthouse Executive Club coming in to talk about the art of teabagging but there's something strange going on. Gary came in and explained that Norelco has come up with a shaver that can be used for shaving a guy's balls. Now there's a big dispute with the girls from Penthouse and Norelco because there was some confusion about what was going to be done.
Gary asked Howard if he knew what tea bagging is all about. Howard thought it was dipping your balls in a girl's mouth but Gary thought that it's actually when you dip your balls in a girl's eye sockets. They did a Google search for the term and found that it was either dipping the balls in a girls mouth or on her forehead.
Howard had Gary bring in the girl who was there to do this whole thing. She came in and Howard said she looked a little like Jaime Presley. She's from Australia so she had a bit of an accent. Howard found out she's been in this country for 5 years now and she does have a green card. She said she got the card for being an adult film star. She said she's done a bunch of movies and said that she's done double anal penetration in one movie. Howard said she's a tiny girl and he can't imagine that going on with her. She said it took a little time to get it going but they made it happen.
Gary asked her if she has dated anyone famous. She said that she dated Jack Osbourne for a few months. She said that he was underage at the time and she didn't bang him. He was only 16 at the time and she was 24. She said that he was grinding on top of her one time and she claims he has a small penis. She said she's never met his parents.
Howard figured that something bad must have happened to this girl in her life. She said that she didn't have any molestation or anything like that. She said that her four brothers are ready to kill her for doing this though. Gary said he heard that she works at a club and on certain occasions she will go with them on vacations. He asked her how much she charges for that. It turns out it'll cost you about $50,000 to take her away and bang her. She said she didn't want to bring that up.
Gary asked what that fifty grand will get a guy. He hoped that it would get him just about anything he wants. She just laughed and said it would get a guy just about anything. She won't let a guy urinate on her or crap on her.
Howard brought up how she got on the show and how she was supposed to come in and get tea bagged. She described what she thinks tea bagging is all about. She said that it's putting the balls in a girls mouth or on her forehead. The whole thing was brought about when Norelco came out with this body groomer shaver that can be used on a guy's balls. They even have an attachment that can be used around the butt hole and taint.
Howard brought in one guy who wanted to have his balls shaved. He said the guy's name was Lester (Beetlejuice). Gary told Howard that Lester was locked in the bathroom so he needed a couple of minutes to get him out. The Penthouse Executive Club chick said that she was going to do the shaving herself so maybe Lester was afraid.
Lester came in a short time later and Jodie (Howard finally gave her name) laughed when she saw him walk in. Lester wasn't happy this morning and he wanted nothing to do with this. Jodie begged him to let her shave his balls. She said that he was crying but Beet said that he wasn't crying and he wasn't going to get his balls shaved. Gary told Howard that Lester drank last night and got hungover so that's why he wasn't happy.
Howard told Beet that he lined this girl up just for him but Beet didn't want her shaving his balls. He didn't want to sit on her head either. Gary told Howard that Beet can't sit on the couch for reasons he hadn't explained yet. Jodie offered to let him sit on her lap but Beet didn't even want to do that. Howard asked her to show him her boobs so she whipped them out for him. She begged him to come sit on her lap but it wasn't happening.
Beet got on the couch and Jodie put her arm around him. Beet really didn't care about her and didn't seem to want to be there at all. Gary said that a real man would let her shave his balls and sit on her head. Howard said that he used to be a happy guy. Beet was sitting there naked according to Howard. Gary said that if Beet doesn't want to do it, Dominic would do it. Gary wasn't even sure what that meant but that's what he was told to say to Beet to get him to do it.
Howard told Beet to check out her bra and then had Jodie get up to show Beet her ass. Beet didn't care about that and wouldn't cooperate with them at all. Beet told the guys he's got no balls. Jodie had him stand up on the couch and then let Jodie go in to shave his balls. He said that doesn't bother him. Jodie was shaving him down and Beet said he didn't feel a thing.
Howard told Jodie to get on the floor so Beet could sit on her head. She got down and Beet snapped out of his funk and got into it. Howard said that Beet was finally getting happy. He told Beet he had to sit on her forehead and put his balls on her forehead. Beetlejuice finally did it and Jodie told him that his balls were silky smooth. Howard asked her how he smelled down there. Gary told Howard that Beet had just taken a dump before he came in the studio. Jodie said he cleaned himself up well though.
Gary suggested that they get Jodie to ride the Sybian before she leaves. Howard asked her if she would ride it and told her about some of the other porn stars who have ridden this thing. He told her that she could ride it and tell them what she thinks about it. She agreed to do it so Gary came in to run the thing for her.
Gary showed her what she was going to do and suggested that she take her underwear off and maybe leave her skirt on. Howard said that she should take it all off but she decided to keep her clothes on. She wanted to keep her panties on but Howard asked her to at least take her skirt off.
Jodie got on and Gary started to ramp up the machine. She said it felt good and got her clitoris in the right spot. Howard had Gary turn it up to about 40 percent. She asked for more so Gary kept it going up and up. She said she wants one for herself. She hopped off at one point and said that she was very sensitive down there. She claimed that she had already finished but stayed on the machine. She said she was all hot and bothered at that point. She claimed that she had an orgasm so Howard let her get off the machine.
Jodie said that her thing was soaking wet and vibrating. Mike Gange asked if she would shave herself. She said that she was all shaved down. Then she showed the guys that she was shaved and Gary noticed that she's having her time of the month. She was a little upset that Gary mentioned that but he claimed that he asked her and she said it was okay to mention.
Howard spoke to Beetlejuice a little bit and got in a plug for the Philips Norelco Men's Bodygroom shaver which you can find out more about at ShaveEverywhere.com. Beetlejuice claimed that he faked his crying to get on Jodie's good side. It worked because she really seemed to like him.
Artie told Beetlejuice that he looked like a fag when he was crying. That got the two of them into a little bit of a battle. Howard asked Beet if he'll go out with Jodie. He said he would go out with her and he might even ask her to marry him. Jodie said that she'd have to sleep on that.
Howard gave Beet a plug for an upcoming gig he has where he'll be coming out of retirement to be dwarf tossed. He's going to be at the Lucky Leprechaun on May 5th. You can find out more at JollyDwarf.com.
Artie tried to get Beet to fight with him a little more but Beet wasn't getting into it that much. Howard asked Beet if his wife is shaved down completely. Beet said he's really not sure about that. Howard also asked him why he doesn't do the dwarf tossing more because he could probably make some good money doing that. Beet said he could do it every day.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Howard he found a pair of boxers in the bathroom garbage that could have only come from Beet. Beetlejuice said he cleaned himself up so he should stop with that. He said that when he drinks coffee, that's what happens to him. He messed his pants and cleaned up so no one should be worried about that.
Howard asked Sal if he wanted to bring the underwear into the studio. Gary said he told him not to and Beetlejuice was also asking him not to do it. Sal came in a short time later with the underwear and they did have a little bit of stuff in them. Sal then took them out to show them to Gary. Beetlejuice said he was never coming back again after that. Richard came in and asked if they could have Beetlejuice demonstrate his wiping techniques. Howard didn't want to do that.
Howard said they have to get some pictures of Beet and Jodie up on his web site. Jodie said that you can check her out at JodieMoore.com or at PenthouseExecutiveClub.com. Gary interrupted and said that Sal and Richard are willing to take bids to wear Beet's underwear on their heads. Beet didn't think that was cool and didn't want them wearing it. He said he would leave if they did that.
Sal said he'd take $800 to do it but Richard undercut him at $700. Then Sal came down to $600. Richard went right down to $500. Sal told Richard to take it at $500. Richard said he might puke so they need a garbage can in there. Sal was going to put the underwear on him and said he wouldn't rub it in.
Sal put the underwear on his head and Richard started to dry heave immediately. He was heaving and spitting up. Benjy said that there was shit on his face. Richard said he doesn't know what Beet ate but it really stunk. Richard had shit on his face so that freaked him out even more. Robin told him to go to the bathroom and wash his face. He was still dry heaving though so he couldn't leave. Howard told him he'll give him the $500 later on.
Sal got pissed when Richard rubbed his face on his shirt. That led to a fight between Richard and Sal so Howard had to break that up quickly. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
''Do Anal, Keep Your Virginity'' Says Mom Of 16 Year Old Girl. 5/2/02. 8:15am
Howard had this woman Mary on the phone who says that she tells her 16 year old daughter to only have anal sex so she can keep her virginity until she's married. Mary said she's a Catholic woman who has just the one daughter. She says she has discussed sex with her daughter and she says that ''back door sex'' is one way to fulfill her sexual desires without looking like a sinner in the eyes of God. She said that she's read a lot of literature and nowhere does it say that ''back door sex'' is a sin. Mary said that she had anal sex before she was married so she was a ''virgin'' when she got married. She also said that she worked as a Vet-Tech and she saw animals doing this naturally so she figures it's a natural thing for humans too. Howard said this all sounds like a technicality to him. He took a bunch of phone calls and let people tell her how nuts she sounds. One woman said that condoms break easier when having anal sex so it's not a good thing. She asked Mary if she's had her daughter tested for AIDS because of that. Mary just argued that anal is best because it's not considered sex because it's not using the birth canal.
Mary told Howard that she and her husband still have anal sex most of the time because she really enjoys it. There were a couple of callers who said this is a great thing because it is one way for a guy to get a girl who doesn't want to lose her virginity. Howard also agrees with it and said it's great for women who are sluts but don't want to be dirty. Mary told Howard that oral sex isn't okay with her either. She said that's not a natural thing for people to do so she has advised her daughter not to do that.
Howard told Mary he backs her up on this idea but he wouldn't want his own daughters doing anything sexually. He thanked her for calling and wrapped up the call.
In the clip Howard was telling Robin about going out hiking and how he thinks he got bitten by a tick. Robin went over and took a look at it. Howard said he had a scratch on there too. He said it doesn't itch or hurt. Robin said it looks like more of a rash than a bite. Howard said maybe it's from a cactus getting in him. Robin said she thinks he should have it looked at.
Howard said Grillo told him that it was not a tick. Robin said he's like Dr. Grillo. Howard said Robin can never say she doesn't know. Robin said she's just saying that she doesn't know. Howard said she's just trying to make him paranoid. Howard said she should just say it doesn't look like anything bad. Robin said it looks like he just scratched himself.
Steve Grillo came in so Howard asked him what he thinks. Howard said Grillo goes up to a cabin in the woods with his friends and they kill things up there. Grillo said his friend shot a 30 pound turkey the other day. He shot it with a shotgun. Howard said the thing never had a chance. Jackie said the thing could barely walk if it was 30 pounds.
Howard asked Grillo what he wears up there when he hunts. Grillo said he wears full camo. Howard asked what he shoots. Grillo said they shoot doves and things like that. Howard asked how he can do that. Grillo said it's in season up there.
Howard asked where this trailer is. Grillo said it's up near Monticello. He said they stay in a campground and they pay a fee to keep it there. Howard was laughing as he told the story. Howard said Grillo is white trash. Grillo said he knows. He said he's never denied that.
Grillo said that they have a good time up there. Grillo said it's just him and his two friends that go up there. Gary said he's heard stories from Grillo and they have some auxiliary trailer that they have attached to it for his grandmother. Grillo said it's a shed that he turned into a room.
Howard said Ronnie went up there and met the guys and he was afraid while he was there. Howard said he heard they're real nut cases. Grillo said they are pretty intimidating but he trusts them with his life.
Howard asked if they get drunk and then go hunting. Grillo said they don't do that. He said they have to get up at like 3 in the morning to go hunting. He said he doesn't drink with these guys. Howard asked if he's gotten high and gone hunting. Grillo said he did but then he took it back saying he was just joking.
Grillo told Howard that hunting turkey is hard. He said they're hard to hit. He said his friend blew the head off the 30 pound turkey.
Grillo said the hardest thing to do is hunt turkey with a bow. Howard asked Grillo if he drinks at all up there. Grillo said they go up and drink but they don't hunt when they're drunk. He said he has friends that he drinks with and friends he hunts with. He said if they're hunting they don't drink.
Grillo said he once came out of his apartment in full camo and the cops came flying around the corner and asked what he was doing and why he was there. He said he was able to explain his way out of that. He thought for sure he was getting arrested.
Howard and the guys were goofing on Grillo about the way he speaks. They goofed on him while he was telling them about going out hunting. He was explaining how he hunts for turkey and the calls they have to do. Grillo said he hunts squirrel and they are edible. He said his friend cooked up the dove he shot.
Howard had Ronnie on the phone to talk about Grillo's wacky friends. Howard asked if he met them. Ronnie said he met one in the city one day. Ronnie said that he decided not to go hunting with them after that meeting. He said they look like axe murderers. He said the guy was in a suit the day he met him. Grillo said that guy is an accountant. He said he's really smart.
Grillo told Howard that Ronnie shot a deer once. Ronnie said that was just once and it was years ago. He said there was no challenge to it. He said you could shoot a deer from 100 yards away. Bow hunting would be much harder.
Howard said the should just shoot a bunch of animals in a cage. Ronnie said there's no challenge there then. Howard let Ronnie go after that.
Howard asked Steve about his tick bite. Grillo said that tick bites are direct circles. He said that he should get it checked out though. He said his aunt had a bite once and she didn't get checked out. Two years later she had an angina attack as a direct result of that bite. Grillo said Howard's bite looks like a bite. He said it might take a while to get worse. Grillo said he would get it checked out. Howard told him to leave and not grow any hair. They went to break after that.
In the clip Robin was reading some news and had a story about Louis Farrakhan. That led to Billy doing his impression of the guy and letting out a scream. Then Robin read a news story about Tupac Shakur and Billy did an impression of him along with the Farrakhan impression.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 9:00am.
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Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:35am.