|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he decided to just show up this morning. He said he doesn't have anything else to do. He said the stupidest move he made was signing a new contract where he has to get up at 4 in the morning. He said the show runs the whole day. He said he had a discussion about that and he decided that it was stupid.
Howard said that America's Got Talent is over now. He said he has mixed emotions about it though. He said that when the thing is going on he has no life. Howard said it's diametrically opposed to what they do in the morning. Robin said he seemed alert while he was doing it. Howard said when you have that thing going on he spends the whole day worrying about his health. Robin said he didn't have a problem though. Howard said he's no Ryan Seacrest. Howard said he just slept all weekend.
Howard said they have a big show today. He said Richie Sambora is coming in and so is Jesse Ventura. Howard said he has a lot of his theories he wants to talk about. Howard said he wants to know how he'd handle the situation in the middle East. Robin said she knows how she'd handle it. Howard said he'd handle it in his own way. Robin said she wouldn't blow everyone up like Howard wants to do. Robin said she'd cut off all aid to the country. Howard said they're talking about doing that. Howard said then they'd have nowhere to go with them. Howard said they're talking about doing that and they have to tell us if they're friends or foes. He said Egypt has turned into Pakistan where they take our money and they claim to be our friends but they appease these type of people. Robin said we send money over there and they never educate anyone there.
Howard said he was also watching this Muslim film that has people in an uproar. He said the film is produced a little bit better than Sons of Anarchy. Robin said that show is like a soap opera with guys on bikes. Howard said they commit crimes and never go to jail. Robin said she watched the show and she saw Ron Perlman with a nasal cannula and he can't even breathe. Howard said that's the first season he's wearing that. Robin said he's not scary with that thing in there. Howard said he has two bullets in his chest so no one is scared of him.
Howard said that a guy sent him a song about Robin. He said that this is called ''Black Titty Bitch.'' He said it's someone by the name of Kim. He said it's about Robin and it's not particularly good. He said it's by someone new. Howard played the song and the guy was singing about sniffing under Robin's arms.
Howard said he came to the conclusion over the weekend that he doesn't want Mitt Romney to be President. Howard said that he's not thrilled with Obama but Romney isn't going to be good. He said that he's bothered by the Bain Capital. Howard said this guy just lost more jobs because of that company and he's pretty sure if he told you about what went on there that you'd never vote for the guy. Howard said they took bail outs there at Bain. Robin said that all of those stories about pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps had plenty of help.
Howard said what these companies do isn't create jobs. Howard said this is why people in the Occupy Wall Street thing are so angry. He said they have every right to be upset too. Howard said Mitt Romney figured out a way to make money that's kind of against the American Way. Howard said Bain was part of this company called Bain Management. Howard said Mitt decided to start a company called an LBO which is a leverage buy out. Howard said they have good cash flow but they may be having financial problems. Howard said Mitt wanted to do this LBO thing and he found a toy company that makes goods. He said they're particularly good at doing this. Howard said what they did was go out and make a huge deal to buy out this toy company. They took out a huge loan that was like 90 percent of the cost of buying it out. Howard said then they say they're going to help the company and charge them with management fees. He said the first thing they do is say that they have all of this debt. Howard said the company owes the money, not Bain. Howard said they start to restructure the company and they put it all on the company they buy. Howard said they fire people who were there with 40 years of experience because they can't afford them. Howard said they start selling off the assets of the company and they eventually go bankrupt. Howard said no one has a job and they've gotten their management fees out of it and paid off all of their loans. Howard said that's how they do it.
Howard said years after Romney left Bain had financial problems and then Romney went back and took a bail out from the government. Howard said Matt Taibi wrote this up in Rolling Stone. Gary said he thinks he read the same article that he read. He said that the first person to be paid back when they do this is Romney. He said then they will pay off the other parts of the loan. It's all set up for them.
Howard said that he's not sure he got all of the facts right but that's what he took out of the article. He said that's what Bain Capital is. He said they don't create any jobs. Howard said to him Romney is a demon. Howard said he can't have any compassion and care about the country. He said that he doesn't know where he keeps his money but he's heard he has off shore accounts all over. Howard said he doesn't know for sure but that's what he's heard. Howard said this guy has figured out a way to make money that doesn't help the country. He said even the old guys like the Rockefeller's and Ford and all of them were putting people to work. Howard said this new scam isn't putting anyone to work. He said the LBOs are putting people out of work. Howard said they make a lot of money for just a few people. Howard said they don't see how unfair it all is.
Howard said if this is a guy who is out for himself and not for other people then how can he be president of the United States? Howard said unless you're a religious freak you can't think he'd be good. Howard said the abortion thing is another reason and that's too simplistic. Howard said there is no consistency there. Howard said the right to life thing and all of that isn't consistent. Howard said if you don't believe him then read the article in Rolling Stone by Matt Taibi. Howard said the article sums it all up for him. Howard said the guy is dead on with this research. Howard said he can't see voting for the guy even if you're an economy guy. Fred said he doesn't know how to fix it in that way. He said he read about a Bain owned company in Illinois and they're sending the jobs over to China. He said they have people who have worked for the company for 33 years that are being pushed out so they can send it to China.
Howard said they should take over Sirius so they'd be out of work in a week. Howard said he has read other things about this and he thinks that Matt Taibi is right on with this. He said if that's the way he makes money then how can you vote for the guy? Howard said they tweeted out a link to the article.
Howard said he was at Robin's place yesterday. He said he bought her a TV for her birthday and he walked in there and she had to show him the 3D on the TV. Howard said she wasn't able to figure it out while he was there. Robin said she figured it out after he left. She forgot to turn the glasses on. Howard said it's so funny. He said the TV was great and the picture was awesome. Howard said Robin loves TV and she's a woman after his own heart. Howard said she might watch more TV than even he does. Robin said right now she does.
Howard said he started out watching the movie ''The Raid Redemption'' and it's ridiculous. He said that it's subtitled but he doesn't care because of the fighting. Howard said the fights last like 30 minutes. He said they take a huge beating and keep on going. He said they should be dead. He said he watched the whole thing. Howard said then he went to Robin's apartment and she told him he had to see 3D. Howard said he wanted to just sit and talk. Robin said he didn't say that. Howard said he did too. Howard said he put the 3D glasses on and he didn't see anything. Howard said Robin hit buttons for like 20 minutes. He said he didn't care about the 3D anyway. Robin wasn't able to find the listing for 3D movies but eventually she found one. Howard said he lied to her that it looked fantastic and she busted him. Howard said he told her he wasn't able to see anything. Robin said she figured it out after he left. She said there's a button on the glasses that she had to turn on.
Tommy said that Howard looked good the other night on AGT. Howard said he was told he looked handsome. He said he hasn't watched the show back yet. Tommy said he was god damn handsome. Robin said there was a guy from John Varvatos and he was a very good looking guy. Robin asked if he sees that guy and thinks ''maybe.'' Robin said he was as beautiful as any woman. Howard said that's James Shuck and he helped him get into that suit. Howard said he actually is in love. Howard asked Robin if she would ever think of having sex with a hot woman. Robin said no. Howard said that's how he thinks too. Robin said that guy was so good looking that it was like looking at a woman.
Howard asked Robin if James or John Stamos is more her type. Robin said John is more manly. Howard said that John Stamos was on Twitter and this is why he's off of it for now. Howard said he has to stay away from it for a while. He said if he writes about being on Letterman then people will say that all he wants to do is promote himself on there. Howard said he can't figure out what people want. He said he'll post pictures of his wife on there and they ask what he's trying to prove. He said then they start web sites devoted to how ugly his wife is. He said it's vicious. He said they say they're his fans too. He said they call him a scumbag for not being on radio. He said they should cancel their subscription then. He said Twitter might be okay for the regular guy but it's not for him.
Howard said Stamos got on Twitter and said he liked his Letterman appearance. Then he looked underneath that comment and people were going off on John saying that he's a suck ass. Howard said that's the nicest thing he could have said to him about being Don Rickles heir apparent and people just bash the guy.
Howard said it's relentless on twitter. He said it's like being bullied in school. Howard said everyone on twitter is too cool and anything you write isn't cool enough. Howard said they'll go off on you when you post something about your dog dying.
Tommy said people are so angry that they just have to unload on someone. They do it on twitter. Howard said there's this thing now where you can buy followers. Howard said that's the lamest thing he's ever heard. Howard said you can pay this company to get followers and they're rigging Twitter. He said that people who do that are so lame. He said that the followers aren't really following you. He said he knows 2 or 3 people who might be doing that. Howard said he's seen people go up in increments and he thinks that it's really lame. Howard said he doesn't buy his followers. He said it's unbelievable how fucked up our society is when people are upset about the number of people who follow them.
Tommy asked if he could give his out to get some followers. He said it's @TommyFromMalden.
Howard said he said goodbye to Howie and Sharon last week. He said that Sharon got him a nice sketch pad and a nice Mont Blanc pen. He said that he doesn't really sketch but it was very thoughtful. He said he got her something nice that he has to send to her.
Howard said that Nick and Howie are always plugging their Twitter accounts on AGT. Tommy told Howard that Howie has like 490,000 followers on Twitter. Howard asked how many Nick has because he thinks that he has like 7 million.
Tommy asked about Nick sitting next to him there on AGT the other night. Howard said he and Nick don't really have a deep relationship. He said they just say hi all the time. Robin said when she saw Nick he knew what was going on and mentioned that she was there like 3 times. Tommy said the guy is a bullshitter. Howard said that they just see each other in the hall for 5 seconds. Tommy said Nick has 3.7 million followers. Robin said they were talking about him offering mentions on Twitter as some deal he had.
Tommy asked if Howard pushed to have Joan Rivers on AGT. Howard said he was shocked she was on. He thought it was great. Robin said that she pushed Tom Cotter out of the way and he fell over. She thought that if Tom did that to her she'd die. Howard said she's in great shape for someone that age. He said it's an amazing thing that she has that drive.
Howard said he was hoping that Tom Cotter would win. He said he was happy with the Olate dogs winning though. He said that they have an amazing level of training with those dogs. He said he was very happy for them winning.
Robin said they did the act and the other dogs wanted to be part of the whole thing. Howard said it was cool that it wasn't a singer this time. Tommy said he thinks that Tom Cotter will do well from coming in second. He said he should be headlining comedy clubs.
Robin said that the father and daughter team were good but the father kept the daughter from shining. Howard said he should have let her shine but he wasn't able to do it. Robin said he thought he was letting her shine but it wasn't happening.
Tommy asked if he heard that the AGT finale had tanked in the ratings. Howard said he didn't hear that. Tommy said he read it on something called the Howard Stern Examiner. Howard said they beat the premiere of X-Factor. Tommy said they were up against a football game. Howard said he thought they did well but he doesn't know for sure. Howard said everyone around there was happy with it. He said he felt that 2 hours was too much though. He said one hour would have been good.
Howard let Tommy go and took a call from the Olate Dogs that wanted to thank him. He picked up and it was the guys in the back playing dog barking sounds.
King said on Saturday he went to the Apple store to get his phone fixed. He said they said he had water damage and he wanted to wait to get the new iPhone 5. He said he asked a white guy to go up with his phone and ask for a new one. He said they gave him a new phone and said it was covered under warranty. King said they told him that it had water damage but with the white guy they just gave him a new phone. Howard said that's pretty cool that they do that for white people. He said if King complains then they're going to make everyone pay.
King said he likes that Howard kept to his word about not having kids with his wife. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Robin said she broke a Droid phone and she went to the store and they asked if she had water damage. Robin said that she didn't have any water damage but that was the first thing they asked her too. Howard said they must be taught to ask all black people that question.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought America's Got Talent was great but he didn't like that Justin Bieber performance. Howard said they taped that before he was even there. He said he's not sure when they taped it. Howard said they had stand-ins for the judges. Howard said the guy they had for him was wearing a big wig. He said it was a cheap Halloween wig. The caller said during the Green Day performance it was the same audience as the rest of the show but the Justin Timberlake thing was from some other time.
Howard said he enjoyed the Green Day performance. He said he really liked that. The caller said he's going to see the Ronnie's Block Party thing this weekend. He said he can't wait to meet those guys and Eric the Midget. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked Richie Sambora if he likes that Boston song. Richie said it's not bad. Robin said it's not bad too but she didn't like that particular Boston song that much. She said they have other songs that are better.
Howard asked Richie about the band Bon Jovi and if they had a hard time coming up with that name. Richie said they tried for the longest time to come up with a name and they had a hard time. Richie said he's got a solo album out and he can come up with anything he wants. He said he was thinking of The Disgusting Rabbis or The Fine Cocksman. Howard said he should choose one now. Howard suggested ''I fucked Denise Richards'' and Richie told him ''Steady!''
Howard asked Richie if he still takes guitar and vocal lessons. Richie said he does. Howard said he thinks he's one of the best guitar players out there and that's real dedication. Howard said he has seen Richie play and he's not sure why he's left off of the lists of best guitar players out there. Richie said that he has to hear this record he just put out. He said they don't do a lot of jamming these days. He said on the record they'll find great songs and jamming. Richie said that he gets to be a singer again too. Howard said when he hooked up with Bon Jovi he wasn't a lead singer anymore. Richie said that he was always a working musician and he was trying to get a leg up in any way he could. He said if he could make it in this way then it was going to pay off. He said that it worked out for him.
Howard said Richie used to be the front man in the bands he was in. Richie said he had 2 record deals before he met Jon Bon Jovi. He said he made 3 records before he started his own label before he even met Jon.
Howard asked Richie if his parents were supportive of this. Richie said they were. He said he was a self taught guy too. Howard asked if he thinks he's a genius because of that. Richie said that he learned backwards. He said he taught himself and then took lessons. He didn't say he was a genius.
Howard asked Richie if he was getting laid at 12. Richie said it was pretty good. He said it wasn't real young but by 17 he was doing okay. Howard asked if he ever nailed a teacher. Richie said he had some friends who did but he didn't. Howard said Richie was signed to Swan Song by the time he was 19. He said that must have been cool. He said he must have been blessed to be signed so young. Richie said that the label took a shit so the record never came out. Richie said it broke his heart. He said he thought that they were going to the big time but it never came out. Richie said he gave the record to his lead singer of that band because the guy needed some money. He said he was a kid and he didn't care.
Howard asked Richie how he got hooked up with Jon Bon Jovi. Richie said he saw Jon play at some club near Club Bene where Howard used to play. Richie said he was asked to join the band KISS when he was about 22. He said he went out to check that out and he was going to replace Ace. He said he went out and had a good time for a couple of weeks. He didn't get into the make up though. Richie said he was more of a blues type of guy at the time. He said he was in like 5 bands at the same time too.
Howard asked Richie how he turned down KISS. Richie said they were looking for a guy who would worship them and he wasn't that guy. He just wanted to jam and do something. He didn't know their music either so he just wanted to play. He said they got upset that he didn't know their music. Howard said that seems weird. Richie said they opened up for KISS on their first tour and they laughed about it a bit after that.
Richie said he was friends with Frank Stallone and he stayed at his house early on. He said he had a good time with the California girls out there when he was out there for KISS. He said he picked up a couple of sessions out there so he could make some money.
Howard asked when he started taking lessons. Richie said he was 52 when he took his first lesson. Howard asked why he'd do that. Richie said he went to this vintage car shop and he was playing something that sounded like two guys playing at the same time. Richie asked the guy how he did that. He said he got the guy's number and he used to be in McCartney and Wings. Richie said that he took some lessons with him and there are always new things you can learn. He said it was a give and take kind of thing because they both taught each other some things. Howard asked what he charged him for the lessons. Richie said it wasn't outrageous. He said the guy is a good guy.
Howard asked Richie about this new album where he sings lead. Richie said that it's a different energy. He said he gives good band. He had a whole band in the studio with him today. Richie said the whole album happened so organically and they started to roll right away. He said they left the jams on the album and that's what Led Zeppelin did back in the day. Howard asked if he had to ask Jon if it was okay to do this. Richie said they've always been able to do this kind of stuff and they're very supportive of each other. He said he wrote new stuff with Jon and their new album is done. He said he's going out on tour for 3 months with this new band though.
Richie told Howard that the tour in Europe was sold out for pre-sale tickets in a very short period of time. He said that it's going to be great. Howard said it must be great. Richie said that it's really heavy that he's able to do this stuff. He said that he and Howard are guys who actually did something.
Howard asked Richie how tough it is to sell records. Richie said that he didn't do this for the money. He said as an artist you have to keep fresh and bring out a lot of stuff. He said this record is about his life experience. Howard asked how these songs are picked to be for himself or for Bon Jovi. Richie said that it's not even a question which songs are for which band. He said when he and Jon write a song they sit down with some acoustic instruments and write this stuff. Richie said he and Jon get along and they have always gotten along except for that wonky period in the 1990s. Richie said that they deal with fame at different speeds and they weren't at the same place at the time.
Howard asked Richie about his drinking and if that's what got him in trouble. Richie said he was drinking alone and he was keeping it from everyone. He said it was a stress reliever at the time. He said he realized it was a problem about 5 years ago. He said he was doing it every night for about 30 years though. Richie said he had broken his arm in his house so he was on pain killers too. He said he came home to this new house and his sister-in-law put a mat down in the bathroom and he slipped and fell and broke his arm. He said two weeks later he had to play 24 stadiums. He said he had to play with a broken arm. Richie said the pain killers got in there at the same time. Richie said he ended up making little guitars so he wouldn't have to hang the thing off his shoulder. He said he figured out a way to play and he was playing at 95 percent and no one was able to tell.
Richie said he was drinking and taking the Oxycontin so it was a powerful cocktail. Richie said he can't even remember those months. He said he was a hero and got through the whole thing. He said that drug was very hard to get off of. He said he was shaking like a leaf trying to get off of it. He said he thought he had Parkinson's because of the shaking. Richie said what he did was detox for like 7 days and then went right back out on the road.
Howard said he heard that Lindsay Lohan was in rehab with him. Howard asked if he banged her. Richie said that she is hot and he did hang with her but he didn't bang her. He said that she's only 10 years older than his daughter. Howard asked if his daughter is doing well. Richie said she's only 14 and a half but she's in a Judd Apatow movie. He said she has Heather's (Locklear) good looks and his attitude so she's going to be trouble.
Howard asked Richie if he's done drinking now. Richie said he is and he can say he could never have another drink and he'd be fine.
Howard asked if he's worth $65 million like he read. Richie said that you can give or take a few of those. Howard said that's pretty good.
Howard asked if he had a pre-nup with Heather. Richie said he did. He said that Denise Richards is a very sexy woman too. Howard asked about being a single dad and what that's like. Richie said that things got better after that. Howard asked if he still hangs with Heather. Richie said that they have dinner and stuff together. He said that things were weird in the beginning but things are going great now and they're very good friends. He said they went to a wedding together a few weeks ago. He said Heather is working again and she'll be playing a part in Scary Movie 5. Howard asked if he'd ever get back with her. Richie said there's too much water under the bridge.
Howard moved on to the band that Richie had in the studio. Howard introduced Luke on drums, Curt on flute, Pete on guitar and Matt on keyboards. Howard asked if Jon gets upset if he sings any Bon Jovi song. Richie said they wrote them together so he doesn't get upset. Howard asked how old he was when he started writing with Jon. Richie said he was like 25. He said the road crew made more money than they were making. He said that they had some money but they spent it on the tour. He said it's expensive to do that stuff.
Howard asked Richie if the song ''Livin' on a Prayer'' was about their touring in the early days. Richie said that it may have been about that. He said he knew that song was like one of the best songs they had written in their careers but Jon didn't think so. He said he knew it was going to be a hit. He said the record company knew it was a hit too. Then Jon started to believe it. He said they put that song out as a second single and it went to number one around the world.
Howard asked Richie to play a little bit of ''Livin' on a Prayer'' and then some other stuff. Richie and the guys played their own version of ''Livin' on a Prayer'' for Howard.
After the song Howard told them they sound good. He said Richie loves that two neck guitar too. He said very few guys play that. Howard asked what it is that he likes about it. Richie demonstrated the 6 string and then the 12 string to show what the sound difference is. He played a little bit of ''Wanted Dead or Alive'' and some other stuff to show Howard how they work with different songs. Howard asked if he thinks Steven Stills is an underrated guitar player. Richie said he's bad ass. Richie said he thinks he's playing the best he's ever played in his life at this point. Howard asked if he thinks that KISS is upset with him now that he's such a huge hit. Richie said he's not sure about that. Howard said he'd have quite a different life if he had joined KISS.
Howard asked Richie if he thinks that he's the secret to Bon Jovi. Howard said he can sing and he can play guitar. Howard said it's great the way he and the guys were harmonizing too. Richie said that it's almost instantaneous when they do their thing. He said the guys there are all blending their harmonies. He said that's how good they are.
Howard asked to hear the guys harmonize without the instruments at all. They did a little bit of that for Howard. Howard said he wants to be able to do that. He asked why he can't do that. Richie said everyone in his neighborhood was a singer and they would hang out on the corner singing Doo Wop. Howard said he wants to be that guy but he's there with his stupid dick jokes.
Howard asked Richie what song they're going to do now. Richie said that it's a song called ''Every Road Leads Home'' from the new album ''Aftermath of the Lowdown.'' He told Howard the story behind that song and how people are reacting to the song. Howard said that ''home'' must be Denise Richard's vagina. Howard asked if that's what it is. Richie said that it's actually him being on the road and coming home to his daughter. Howard asked what Denise is really like. Richie said she's great. Howard said she told him that she's into anal. Howard asked Richie if he's into anal. Giving anal that is. Richie didn't say anything but it sounds like he may have given Howard a look confirming it.
Howard had the guys perform their new song and gave them some plugs for the new album and the tour. Howard said you can find out more at RichieSambora.com. The guys performed the song after Howard got in their plugs.
After the song Howard said that was a beautiful song. Robin said she liked it too. Howard asked if he told his daughter it was about her. He said he did and she liked the song. Howard said that's great. Richie said there's something between a father and a daughter. Howard said he loved the song. Richie said he wrote a lot of stuff about himself for this album and he realized that it's about a lot of people. He said even some of the Bon Jovi songs are about everyone. He said he thinks that people can relate to this stuff and they'll like it.
Howard asked if there are any young kids coming up that he likes. Richie said he likes Silver Sun Pickups and other bands like that. Richie told Howard who some of his heroes were and how he gets to hang out with them. He said he gets to hang with Jimmy Paige in London. He said he will go and play guitar with him over there. He said he's actually come up and jammed with him. Howard asked what they do when they hang out. Richie said they'll go to concerts and go out to dinner. Howard said he wondered who he was hanging out with. Howard said no one likes to hang out with him. Richie said he's hung out with Howard and they had a good time. Howard told the guys they sound great. He said he could talk to them all day but he'll let them out of there. Howard gave them some plugs for the new album and wrapped up. Howard said it's been too long since they saw each other. Richie said he'd like to play on America's Got Talent. Howard sounded shocked. He said the show is over now but maybe next season. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jesse Ventura come in. Howard said he has a new book out called ''DemoCRIPS and ReBLOODlicans: No More Gangs in Government.'' Howard had a hard time getting that title out.
Howard said Jesse was wearing a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt. Howard said he must be the only governor who does that. Jesse said that he had a bunch of stuff like that at his inauguration. He said he almost had Aerosmith at the inauguration. He said they wanted to be there but it wasn't possible for them to make it.
Howard asked Jesse about this guy in the SEALS that put out this book about the Obama bin Laden killing. Jesse said he wasn't upset about the book. He said he'd rather hear from him than the bureaucrats in Washington. Howard asked if he's giving away details that are secrets. Jesse said he doesn't think there's anything that secret anymore. He said Hollywood treats them like the green berets back in the day. He said that he liked it better when they were unknown and just wore green fatigues. Howard said he likes them too. He said that they do the missions secretly and that scares the shit out of the rest of the world. Howard said they don't seem to be scared anymore though.
Jesse said he's not upset about it and he feels he should know what the government is doing with his taxpayer money. Howard said they are talking about looking into this guy about what he wrote. Howard asked if Jesse read the book yet. Jesse said he didn't read it yet but he probably will.
Howard asked Jesse about the mission and what he's heard about it and if it sounds like one of the hardest missions. Jesse said that in his day it was in the jungle but now they are like a SWAT team that doesn't have to give you the Miranda rights.
Howard asked Jesse if he thinks that World War II was a noble war. Jesse said he doesn't know because he wasn't alive. He said that he would like to think so. Howard said we lost 58,000 guys in that war in Vietnam. He said that he's not sure why we were even fighting. Jesse said that he thinks he'd be a conscientious objector today. He said every war since he's been alive he doesn't think the United States was threatened. He said that there are small pockets of trouble makers and the answer isn't to attack and occupy those areas.
Howard asked what we should do. Jesse said that we should cut foreign aid. He said we should shut the embassy's down and come home. Howard said that might cause more poverty to fester. Jesse said we have to worry about our own people first. He said that the foreign aid isn't going to the poor people. He said the money goes to the leaders and it's like bribery. He said that's what the whole political system is. He said we should pull the aide from the whole world. He said he's not sure who made us the world's policemen. He said we should shut down all of the foreign bases in all of the countries around the world.
Jesse told Howard he should read a book called ''War Is a Racket'' because it explains a lot about what this general felt he was really fighting for.
Howard asked Jesse about who he would vote for if he had to pick one of the two. Jesse said he votes every election. Howard asked if he would vote for Romney or Obama. Jesse said he is going to vote for Gary Johnson. He said that it's not a waste of a vote either. He said with Obama and Romney it doesn't matter because we're going to get the same thing in government because they've both been bought.
Howard said he thinks that Romney is like Gordon Gecko. He said he should probably be thrown out of the country based on what he's done. Howard said he will cast his vote for Obama. Jesse said that he has continued with the Bush stuff and he hasn't really changed the things he said he was going to change. Jesse said that they still have Gitmo and they won't release them because there's no way they could get a conviction.
Jesse said people love when he's on Howard's show. He said that they really love Howard. Jesse said that he has 3 years to make something happen now. Jesse said that if the people will get him ballot access in all 50 states and get him in the debates he would run individual in 2016. Howard said he needs a leader to organize that. Robin said people don't rise up and do that kind of thing. Jesse said that's fine, he just won't do it then.
Howard said in the 60s people would rise up because their lives were on the line. Jesse said the economy is on the line now. He said that all lays on the democrats and republicans. Jesse said he writes about this stuff in his book ''DemoCRIPS and ReBLOODlicans: No More Gangs in Government.''
Howard said that most people don't really look at the candidates. They vote based on the party. Jesse said that's why he thinks we should do away with the parties. Jesse said they should take the names off the ballot and find out what these people stand for.
Howard said Jesse must like Occupy Wall Street. Jesse said he absolutely does. Howard said they just want a level playing field. Jesse said what they were doing was exercising their first amendment rights. He said if Howard tires to do that they'll get run off by pepper spray and dogs. He said these two parties don't care about this stuff. He said that he can't fly anymore because of the security they have there. He said that he went to court and the judge ruled that she doesn't have jurisdiction. He said he wants to go through security and not be sexually assaulted by the security agents. Jesse said he's not a threat. He said he's been a governor, a mayor and he's been flying for 30 years. Howard said they have to treat everyone the same. Jesse said he was governor and he went to the Minneapolis airport to fly to a meeting with a one way ticket. He said he was stopped and searched. He said he asked when the last time was that a governor attacked a plane. The guy told him that they have to treat everyone the same. He said he asked the guy when common sense comes into play. He said they were searching him but he had two armed bodyguards with him. He said all he has to do is ask one of them for a gun and he has a gun.
Jesse said that once he got to California they loaded him right on the plane without being searched. He said that made more sense.
Howard asked Jesse about Rick Santorum saying that intelligent people won't vote republican. Howard said he said this because he thinks that the religious people are voting. Jesse said maybe that's because intelligent people aren't faith based. Jesse said he puts god with the Easter bunny and Santa. Jesse also pointed out that Jesus was against organized religion. He said he'd be appalled by what's going on now.
Howard said that he tried talking to a woman about someone having a good point about how there might not be a god and this woman flipped out and told him not to talk to her about it. Jesse said they have to stick to the belief that there is something in the after life. He said he believes there might be something like that but they'll never convince him that there's an invisible guy in the sky watching him. He said that he loves the George Carlin routine about that too.
Jesse said that he is all for the legalization of marijuana. Howard said he is too. Jesse said that he knows Howard is doing America's Got Talent. He said he'd like him to run with him for Vice President. Howard said he has to think about that. Howard asked why he thinks Mitt Romney won't show his tax returns. Jesse said he has made so much and he's probably got a lot of it hidden over seas and he doesn't want to show it.
Howard brought up the discussion he had earlier in the morning about Romney. Jesse said they knew 4 years ago that they were going to get Romney. He said we had more Mormon ads on TV and that was preparing us for the whole thing. Jesse said the Mormon religion is kind of strange and people call it a cult. He said it's not the main stream of religion so they have to prepare people for it. Howard said that there doesn't seem to be any separation of church and state anymore. Jesse said if they take that away there's no telling what they would do do a non-believer like him. He said he might end up in some internment camp.
Jesse asked when Howard is going to come visit him in Mexico. Howard said he's never going to Mexico. He said his wife wants to go but he won't do it. Jesse told Howard he has a 4,500 square foot house right on the beach. He said that there are no gangs in his area. He said he has a level 3 protection dog. Howard said he bets that dog won't protect him. Jesse said the dog is trained only to attack when he tells it to.
Howard asked Jesse what he has down there to wear when he's under attack. Jesse said in Mexico you're not allowed to have a gun but 20,000 people were killed in the drug war. He said that they're not allowed to have any guns but they're killed with guns. Howard asked Jesse what kind of guns he has. Jesse said he gave them all away. He said he doesn't ant them taken away so he says he doesn't have nay. He said he had a couple of assault weapons and shot guns and a couple of hand guns. He said he was trained on assault weapons so he knows how to take them apart and clean them.
Jesse said that he and Howard could win the election if they wanted to. He said that Howard could be VP and he could be president. Howard said he's thinking about it. Howard asked what they would do their first 100 days in office. Jesse said they'd get rid of the Patriot Act. He said he'd cut the budget and close the bases around the world that they don't need. Jesse said that he would also work diligently to get a constitutional amendment that says corporations are the same as individuals. He said they have to do that to override the Supreme Court.
Howard said that he thinks this is Jesse's new passion to get into office. Jesse said he wants to destroy the parties and get rid of them.
Howard gave Jesse another plug for his book ''DemoCRIPS and ReBLOODlicans: No More Gangs in Government.''
Howard asked what else he's doing other than writing books. Jesse said he plays golf. He said he writes the books while he's down in Mexico. He said they churn them out down there and this is his 6th NY Times Best Seller. He said this will be the last one. Jesse said there's nothing more for him to say. He said right now he has no intention to write anymore books. He said he wants to get Howard to come down to Mexico now. He said that's what his mission is now.
Howard asked why FOX News stooped having him on. Jesse said they did that about 2 or 3 years ago. He said that they live on intimidation over there and he doesn't go for that. He said that they don't want to let him be out there and get his word out. He said he would love to say that they're shills for the republican party but he never sees them anymore. Jesse said he's going after the big corporations and that news channel is run by a big corporation.
Howard asked Jesse about some measurement that was taken of Jesse's arm and Arnold Schwarzenegger's arm. Jesse said that never happened. He said that Arnold doesn't lack self esteem. Howard asked about his penis compared to Arnold. Jesse said that he has girth and that's what women like. Howard said he doesn't have either length or girth. Howard said he wraps dollar bills around his penis to give him girth.
Jesse talked about his wife and how she had a lot of issues when the press would bring their kids into their stories. He said his wife had Epstein Barr and he had to back out of running for office because of that. He said he wrote about that in one of his books. He said he would put his wife in front of running for any office. Howard said they have to sit down and talk about all of this. Howard said in 3 years he needs a job where he doesn't need to do much work. He said he'd like to do the fun stuff that Jesse doesn't like. Howard said this kind of fits into his plan. He said he'll have to get back to him on this. Jesse said that Robin could be their secretary of defense. He said he's serious about all of this too. Howard said he has more mass appeal now that he's on AGT too. He said more people would vote for him. Jesse said that he's got it.
Jesse told Howard that his dad came home from work saying that all politicians were crooks. He said that his dad made sense telling him that they spend $1 million on a job that only takes $100,000. He said it made sense to him as an 8th grader.
Howard said that he assumes Jesse has killed people. Jesse said he has not. Howard said he's winking again. Howard asked if it keeps him up at night since he thought he was doing the right thing back then. Howard said he bets it haunts him now that he doesn't believe in the cause anymore. Jesse said that people ask him what his favorite career was. He said each one of them was at that time of his life. He said he was just doing his job. That's the job he had to do and he volunteered for it. He said he had to want it to get through training. He said it ends right there.
Howard gave Jesse some more plugs and said that he's seriously thinking about running with Jesse in 3 years. Jesse said he's serious too. Howard said they can get John Varvatos to dress them for the inauguration. Howard said he wants Jesse to be the rock star and stay President. He doesn't want that responsibility.
Howard and Jesse also talked about this film that people in the middle east are all up in arms over. Howard said that when they're in office they're going to give everyone free weed. Jesse said that they're going to make it the same as liquor. He said that they have to charge people for it. Jesse said that he has a friend who has terminal cancer and she can eat and take her pills because of pot. He said that it's illegal and she has to buy it illegally. He said the government has no right to tell you what you can take when you have terminal cancer. Howard said they have to calm down now. He said they have to think about running for office in 3 years. Jesse said they have to get Tom Morello from Rage Against the Machine to work with them too. Jesse said they can get Keith Richards from the Stones and Richie Sambora to help them out too. Howard said he knows Joe Walsh too so he can make that happen. He told Jesse to take care of his side and he'll take care of the fund raiser stuff. Howard said he doesn't usually play second fiddle but in this case he might.
Jesse said we have to get going now and we need ballot access in every state. Howard asked Mariann from Brooklyn and Eric the Actor if they hear all of this. He picked up on Eric and asked if he hears what he has to do. Eric said he heard. He said he has to get ballot access for Howard and Jesse. Howard hung up on him almost immediately.
Jesse asked Howard to give him a WNnnBC announce from his movie Private Parts. Howard gave him a couple. Jesse got a laugh out of that.
Howard asked Jesse if he sued some dude for writing that he beat him up in some bar. Jesse said that he was pissed because the guy was a SEAL himself and he threw him under the bus. He said that the guy claimed that he wished death upon the Navy SEALs because they're baby killers and stuff. He said that the guy claims he punched him and ran but that never happened. Jesse said the case is still in court. He said the first time he ever saw this guy was on June 4th of this year. He said he didn't even know the guy until this all came out. Jesse said that this guy is just throwing him under the bus to make himself famous. Jesse said the guy has no proof that he knows of. He said that none of his witnesses have seen the punch. He said the case may make it to court next Spring. Jesse said he's suing the guy for court costs and lawyer fees. He said he wants a jury to say it never happened. Jesse said he was at this event and he has witnesses of his own that will say it never happened. He said that the guy claims it happened in 2006 and no one heard about it until 2011. Jesse said he's never even had an argument with people over this stuff.
Howard asked Jesse if he's going to keep his word and make him Vice President. Jesse told him he's looking him in the eye and he can take his word for it. Howard said he thinks he's going to get into this and do it. He said he was out of politics but now he's being pulled back. Jesse said they will run without a party. He said the only other person who ever did it was George Washington. He said that they'd be the only President and Vice President that ran without a political party. Howard said he hasn't felt this alive in a long time. Jesse said Howard hasn't felt like this since he was on the floor getting a massage from a naked woman in Private Parts. Howard said that was some movie. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview with Jesse. Howard said he's their new president. Howard said he'll be a good Vice President too. Howard said he'll hang with the people. The caller brought up a Kelsey Grammer interview he saw and stopped himself saying he wasn't a good caller so he'd get off the line. Howard said that was very nice of him to admit.
Howard asked if they have another heavy day tomorrow. Gary said they have Lisa Lampanelli and a guy who lost a lot of money in a poker tournament. He lost $18 million. Howard said he has to talk to that guy.
Howard said he saw this movie ''The Words'' with Bradley Cooper and it only made like $5 million at the box office. Howard said he loved the movie. Robin said she thought it was an incredibly through provoking movie. Howard said he was shocked to read the reviews because they weren't very good.
Howard said he was at Robin's house looking at the movie list and there was one called ''Strippers vs. Wolves.'' Howard said Robin refused to watch it. Howard said he has to know what it's about. Howard said he has to know what it's about. He wants to see it. Howard told Benjy to look it up. Gary found the write up and said that it's about a guy who gets attacked in a strip club and the girls wait for the guy to change. Howard said he has to see that.
Howard said Google is doing a thing where you type in ''Bacon Number'' and then the name of a celebrity. Howard said it'll give you the six degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. Howard said Richard found out about this and he did a search and he's only two from Kevin Bacon. Howard said that he and Robin are both only 2 away from him too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to ask if he likes Laurel and Hardy or the Three Stooges better. Howard said he likes Laurel and Hardy but he prefers the Three Stooges. The caller said he saw a Laurel and Hardy movie and explained what he saw. Howard said you have to see it. His explanation wasn't very funny.
Howard said that the state of Kansas is thinking of keeping Obama off the ballot because they're not sure if he was born in the United States. Robin said they should stop thinking over there.
Howard said he was watching X-Factor with Britney Spears and she makes some weird faces when she's judging. Howard said he thinks he does that too but he's not sure you can trust this woman who married Kevin Federline and had two kids with him.
Howard said he would never make fun of Chuck Zito or the Prophet Mohammed. Howard said he will never goof on those guys.
Howard said he read that Heidi Klum is dating her bodyguard. That would be like Beth dating Ronnie if he divorced her. Robin said you can date any famous woman. Elizabeth Taylor dated a construction worker. Fred played some Ronnie ''Lets fuck some whores!'' clips and things like that.
Howard said they had a volcano eruption in Guatemala. Howard said that it was messy but not as messy as Tim's shit. Robin said that was a greater disaster.
Howard said it would be great if Britney Spears started flashing her beaver on X-Factor. He said that's what she was known for doing for a while.
Howard said that everyone is caught up with this Kate Middleton chick and the topless pictures that are out. Howard said maybe if you're a famous person you shouldn't go outside topless. Howard said they didn't shoot her in her bedroom. Howard said they got her outside. Howard said Beth won't go topless because she's afraid that it's possible that someone could get pictures. Robin said that there are more pictures of Kate coming out and there must have been more photographers taking shots of her. Howard said Kate isn't all that large either. He said JD has bigger tits than this princess. Robin said the photos are very fuzzy. Howard said that's the only complaint he has. He said it's weird seeing them topless when they're not posing. He said it's not real pretty. Robin said they look like udders when they bend over.
Howard said that the poem that Ronnie wrote about winter was read by Morgan Freeman. Howard played a clip where a Morgan Freeman impersonator was reading the ''Winter'' poem. Howard said that was impressive and Ronnie is getting some recognition out there.
Robin read a story about a man who left his dog to die on a mountain. Robin said he's getting death threats now. Robin had audio of the guy telling his side of the story. Robin said that the dog's paws started bleeding on this mountain trip so he left her up there. Volunteer hikers went up and saved the dog.
Robin asked Howard if he watched any football this weekend. Howard said he was watching that karate movie instead. Robin said that the Giants won this weekend. Robin had some audio of the coaches talking about some stuff that went on toward the end of the game. They were trying to tackle Eli Manning even though Tampa Bay had no shot of winning. Robin said the Tampa coach said that he didn't know what the fuss was over. Howard said he should be watching these games but he's not manly. Robin read about the Jets game too. She said that Tim Tebow wasn't brought in. She had some audio of some people talking about that game. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break we heard a couple of Baba Booey song parodies and Jimi Hendrix ''Voodoo Child'' and then Howard reading another live commercial.
Robin got back to her news and read about the sales of the new iPhone 5. Robin said the first orders sold out in the first hour of pre-sales. Robin said that they say orders made now won't be delivered until October 5. Howard said he got his order in and should have his by the 21st. Howard said he just wants the phone already. Howard said he's looking forward to the finger print thing. JD came in and told Howard it doesn't have that fingerprint feature. JD said the video he saw was what people thought it would be. Howard said he's not sure what the big rush is then. Howard said he wants it for the super fast speed. He said it's not that many changes but he loves it anyway. JD said he's getting one. Howard said he likes the Siri feature. JD said he doesn't have it on his since he just has the iPhone 4.
Howard said he feels kind of bad about what he did to JD last week. He said he was goofing on him about his trophies. Howard said he kidded him around for an hour or so. Howard said Siri won't be able to recognize JD. He said Siri is going to ask him what he's talking about.
Howard said he goofed on JD about the trophies last week and he feels bad about it. Howard said JD published a picture of himself packing them all up in a bag. JD said it was an old In Demand bag he had. Howard said he feels bad now. He took down all of his trophies. JD said he's not getting rid of them. He said he will just keep them in the bag. Howard said he has nowhere to put them. JD said the shelves are empty now. Howard said he should put them back if that's all he had in his miserable, wretched life. JD mumbled something about that and Howard said he's awesome.
Howard said people are so mean to JD on Twitter. He said they say he got really fat. JD said he's been the same weight for the past 2 years. He said they still act shocked by the sight of him. JD said the other thing they goof on him about is watching movies at 1.5 speed. He said every comment about him seeing a movie is about that. Howard let JD go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would go down on a woman who is on the rag. Howard said not intentionally. He said he did it once accidentally. Howard said this woman claimed she didn't know. Howard said that's never happened with Beth. He said she's too much of a lady. The caller asked if he would do that if she asked. Howard said Beth would never ask him to do that. He said he thought he was making the woman super wet but it turns out that's not what was going on. He said he knows he looked ridiculous. Howard said it was weird but it wasn't a big deal. They spent a minute talking about that before Howard read another live commercial.
Robin got back to her news and read about the NHL lockout that took place. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about the Boy Scouts possibly keeping child molestation in the organization under wraps for years. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she had a meet and greet with Howard in his dressing room before the finale. Howard said she was wearing her tiara when she came in. Mariann said she was sweating really bad. Howard said it was gross. Howard said she was at every AGT and the staff were so attached to her because she was bringing food every week. Mariann said they treated her like family. She said she met everyone there and they treated her like she was Howard. Howard said they treated her better than they treated him. Mariann said that the fans were great and they had a huge party. Howard asked if she can hear him when he addresses the audience. Mariann said that she could hear him. She said that she had no idea that she was going into the dressing room. Howard said he presented Mariann with a jacket that said she was an honorary member of AGT. Howard said he gave her some flowers too. Mariann said today is her birthday too. She said she's not going to give up that crown if he re-signs. Howard said she can have it. He hung up on her in the middle of a sentence.
Robin said she saw that Debbie the Pet Lady cut off all her hair because they didn't give her tickets or something. Howard said he has no idea what's going on. Gary said she was talking to him on Twitter and she thought that she didn't have to ask for tickets. Gary said she must have thought that they should be dropped in her lap. He said they gave her tickets and she was fine. Howard said she should grow her hair back. Ronnie said that Debbie showed up to the show with a pet rat. He said she's off her rocker.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Occupy Wall Street movement and how it started on this day one year ago. Robin said that the movement is still alive. Robin had some audio of some of the OWS people talking about that. That led to Howard playing some Sal and Richard interviews they did with OWS protestors on the street.
Howard picked up on Debbie the Pet Lady who was pissed at him for the comments he made about her hair. Debbie was yelling at him about not getting her tickets. She said he promised her that she could go. Gary said that mornings are bad for her and afternoons are good. That's what Shuli told him. Gary said he gave her a hug at AGT. He said that she never asked for tickets. Debbie said that she was told no when she did ask. Gary said he never said no to her. Howard said she got it wrong this time. Debbie told Howard not to believe him. She said that not everyone had to call in for tickets. Gary said that they all had to call and ask. Howard said she should call back in the afternoon when she's in a better mood. Debbie screamed at Howard for talking shit about her hair. Debbie said that Bobo cut his ponytail off to copy her. Howard said he likes Debbie but she looks better with hair. Howard said he's told her that he likes her a million times. Howard said he knows that she'll be better this afternoon. Howard said he likes her.
Ronnie came in and said that Debbie is off her rocker. He said he heard she tried to cut her hair and she shaved it off because she fucked it all up. Ronnie said that she is nice in the mornings and then by afternoon she's calling you names.
Shuli came in and said that he has gotten through to her when he talks to her. Debbie was yelling at him too. Howard told her she has to chill. Debbie said Howard doesn't care about her and she treats her like shit. Then she started crying. Howard asked if she has ever tried smoking pot. Debbie just kept yelling about how no one cares about her and no one gives her respect. Howard said he has to go. Debbie said she has to go too. She hung up before Howard could.
Shuli said he saw Debbie cutting her hair and she was freaking out doing it herself so she went to a barber shop to get it done. He also said that Debbie did get into the show with her pet rat. He said she was thanking everyone but 4 hours later she was yelling about them all hating her. Howard let Shuli go and read another live commercial.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about how Iran is going to track down the people who made this movie where they mock Mohammed. Robin said the movie set off a week of protests in Iran. Howard said that also got them to up the money on Salmon Rushdie. Howard said he must be pissed that they reminded them about him. Robin said that the movie is all they need to spark anti-American sentiment. Robin read some details about that and played some audio of people discussing what's going on there.
Robin read about a bladder awareness month thing that's going on. Robin had some audio of this woman talking about that. Robin said that this is about pelvic floor disorder. She had a few clips of people talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they heard about David Letterman being honored. Howard said the Kennedy Center is going to honor Letterman, Led Zeppelin and some others. Howard said he thinks that Letterman deserves it. Robin asked why Led Zeppelin. Howard said McCartney got one too. He said they honor the people of earth. Howard said he got a call from Obama asking if he would present the award to Letterman. The caller asked if that was true. Howard said it was not. Howard said he's waiting for the call so he can be part of it. Howard said he thinks he's been on Letterman more than anyone. He said he's sure it'll be Bill Murray who honors Letterman. They don't trust Howard Stern. Howard said he might fly in as Fartman so they're probably right not to trust him. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about kids who have high blood pressure and how high salt intake is the cause of that according to a study that was done.
Robin read about the box office take and how Resident Evil: Retribution was number one. Howard said that's like the second one. Robin said it's more like the fourth. Howard said he thinks he saw at least one of them. He's not sure where he is in the series. Robin said this one may be 3D. Howard said he'll have to watch it over at Robin's apartment on her TV. Robin said that Finding Nemo was number two at the box office. She read the rest of the top 5 before wrapping up.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that Howard was great on America's Got Talent. Howard said Eric was at AGT within ear shot of him. He said he was screaming at him the whole time. Gary said he was like 30 feet away. Eric said Howard seemed to be happy to see people there. Howard said he was. Eric asked if he could come up and play the interviews he did. Gary said Eric needs a job. He wants them to hire him to do interviews. Howard said he won't hire him but maybe someone else will. Gary said they have a lot of guests the next couple of days so they can't have him up there.
Howard asked Eric if he would let them move a fish closer and closer to him to see when he freaks out. Eric said he's scared of that. Robin said maybe he could come up to play his recordings and keep putting the fish closer and closer. Eric said he can't take the fish. Howard said he should be able to take it if it's on the other side of the room. Eric said he can't do that. Howard said he'll have Eric up there to play his interviews. Eric said they were killer interviews. Gary said he asks questions and doesn't really cover anything. Howard said it'll be awful. He said they'll get him in there sometime, just not now. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon said Richie Sambora was in today and he had so much equipment in there he thought they were going to do a 2 hour show. Jon said there seemed to be an interesting vibe between Howard and Richie. Benjy said he thinks that they kind of broke out on Howard. Jon said that Howard gave them larger exposure so there was some of that. He said that they have aged with the show. Jon said there was some friction between Howard and the band and Sam Kinison but it was too much to get into now.
Jon and Benjy talked about the band Bon Jovi and Richie's new band. Jon said that it seems like Richie and Jon Bon Jovi get along fine these days. Jon said the interesting thing was that Richie said he turned down KISS. He said that's a pretty tempting offer and a big playing gig. Benjy said he didn't make it clear if he turned them down or if they turned him down. He said it wasn't really clear.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she was in there with Jenna Rose back in November of last year. She said that she doesn't agree with Benjy about being attracted to women. Benjy asked if she's ever felt a sexual attraction to a woman. She said no. She said she knows Benjy wants to feel that way but she's never had that. Benjy said she's just not being honest with herself.
Jon took a call from another woman who said she agrees with Benjy. She said every woman wishes that she could be like another woman. She said she's attracted to other women but she's married to a man. Jon asked if she thinks every woman has that in them. The caller said she does. She said it's always there. She said that women are curious and she thinks all women are curious. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard is always talking about how he's not a manly man. He wondered if he does that to make his guests look better. The caller said Howard talks about how he looks like a woman and things. Gary said Howard isn't into sports and he doesn't like to play them. He said his TiVo tells a story about what he'd rather do. He would rather watch The Bachelor than watch a football game. The caller asked if they have an iPad for him to win today. Gary and Jon said they didn't have one. The caller said he thinks Howard is more of a man than he says he is.
Jon asked Gary if Howard is a manlier man than he lets on. Gary said he's the way he is off the air. Jon took another call from a guy who said that they're missing Robin's point. He said that a super feminine girl is ultra feminine and a guy who is so good looking is almost pretty enough to be a woman. Gary said he doesn't think that Howard is going to go out with a guy. The caller said he just thinks they were misinterpreting what Robin was saying.
The caller asked if they had seen Searching for Sugar Man. Gary and Jon hadn't seen it but they heard it was good. The caller said the movie blew him and his wife away.
Jon moved on to talk about Richie Sambora again. Gary said that they had him on the show to play a Dial-A-Date and they've known him for a very long time. Gary said he was telling one of the guys about Howard doing a syndicated radio show and they were on the show the say they went to number one with ''Slippery When Wet'' and they were thrilled for them.
Jon asked if it was basally for Richie to turn down KISS. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said he seemed to know what he wanted to be and that wasn't it. Gary said Richie really seems to be the same guy he was before he got to be a big star. He said he's still a great guy. Jon and Gary talked about the songs that Richie and the guys did. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Gary talked about how exhausting the whole thing was when Howard was running for governor himself. He said that there was a lot of yelling and stuff going on.
Jon said that Howard also talked about Mitt Romney and the article he read in Rolling Stone. Gary said that Romney seems like an okay guy but then he read the article and it seemed pretty well written. He said he remembers reading it and no one talked about it. He said he's glad Howard talked about it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Jesse Ventura seems like a loon. She said they also seem to have a lot of guests on over and over again. She said that they're only there like 3 days a month. Gary said they're there 3 days a week. She said this is constant with the guests and they should be ripping Sal apart and playing phony phone calls. Gary said they will get to that stuff eventually. He said if they did that every day then she'd be complaining about that. Gary said making fun of him and Sal is never going to get old and it won't go away. The caller said that when they're there now it's all about guests. Gary said from 6-7 it's all about the show and then they have a guest on and then do the news. Gary said it's very peaks and valleys. He said there are times of the year when it gets very quiet.
Jon asked if Howard is relived that AGT is over. Gary said it was work and he traveled all over the country. He worked a lot on his days off and he has worked a long time to get the days off he wanted. He said he's not sure if Howard will do it again next season. He said he thinks that Howard was a little tired at the end of AGT. Jon asked Benjy if he thinks Howard will do it again. Benjy said he thinks he's torn on it. He said he may have a hard time saying no to it because of the amount of money involved. Gary said they all love money but he never got the impression Howard did it for the money. He's not sure that's the driving factor either.
Gary said he's not sure Howard would want to come back if they have the wrong person in Sharon's seat. Jon said he agrees with that. It could make things miserable for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's amazed that he's still into the show as much as he is after all these years. He said that the three days a week isn't so bad. He said they have a great mix of old and new shows and they do an amazing job. He said that it's great that they do the Wrap Up Show and they're doing the right thing. Gary said sometimes you have to take the good guests when they're available.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he liked today's show and he disagrees with the woman who called in earlier. He also asked Gary if he should pass on the new iPhone or not. Gary said he and Jon were talking about it this morning. He said he's going to get one but wait until his contract is up. Jon said that Howard has to have it now but Robin is going to wait too. Gary said he can wait 6 months for one. Jon said he may have to get one. Gary said he loves Apple even though he thought the iPad could be a bit of a stumble for them when it came out. They spent another minute on that before ending the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show with a bunch of ''hey now'' clips. Howard welcomed everyone to a Tuesday at Sirius and said he thinks they're tapped out already. Howard said he actually has a bunch of audio clips to play.
The first clips Howard played was a Rick Santorum clip where he says they will never have the media on their side. Howard said they think it's us versus them. Howard said Rick says as long as they're republicans they'll never have the media on their side. Then he says they will never have the elite smart people on their side. Howard said that's pretty wild to say. Robin said they want the people who aren't so smart to be on their side. They don't want the people who can think to be on their side. Howard played more of the Santorum clip and pointed out that no one was clapping until he mentioned church and family. Howard and Robin were making up more people that they won't have on their side like the mentally stable people.
Gary said that Scott DePace is saying that he's misinterpreting the clip and that he's being sarcastic about the smart people. Howard said it sounds like he's saying what he means. Howard said that Scott is one of the elite that he's talking about. Then he remembered that he went to Glassboro State and said that he's not one of the elite. Howard said Santorum isn't being sarcastic. Robin said Scott is interpreting what he said instead of just listening to what he said. Robin said that he should be clear about what he means if that's the case.
Howard told Scott to leave him alone. He said he was going to go to bed but Beth told him about this Dina Lohan clip that TMZ had posted. Dr. Phil did an interview with her and it was great. He said Dr. Phil is an asshole but the interview was great. He said JD is pulling clips now. Robin said she read that it was Dina's birthday and Lindsay was drinking. Howard said if this was your mom you'd be drinking too.
Howard said Richard and Sal were busy making calls to Swap Shop. Howard said it sounds like hillbilly heaven. He played the clip and they were playing a Tex Ritter song that made it sound like it wasn't from 2012. Sal and Richard called about making a swap on the radio and said they had never heard of something like this. Sal said they were looking for other couples to swap. They hung right up on them. Then a guy calls in to sell a black rooster. Sal and Richard called back and asked for the number for the black rooster because they were looking for a black cock. They hung up on them. Sal called in again and asked about the swingers thing. They hung up again. Another caller said he was thinking about Boxcar Willie. Richard called in saying he wanted that guy to put his Willie in his box. They hung up and took a call from a guy who said they're ruining the show for other people. The host said they are showing their stupidity. The caller told him they should get caller ID and get their information. Sal called in as Lester Green saying he wanted to swap his big black penis with the couple that called in earlier. They hung up and said that was their last call for the day.
Howard said Tex Ritter was John Ritter's dad. He said Sal and Richard went to Harlem or somewhere to ask who they're voting for. They asked people for some facts about stuff and it's mind blowing how little they know. Howard said he hopes they ran into some people who knew something. Howard played a clip where Sal and Richard asked a guy what Obama has done for people so far. The guy said he got people jobs and got them Medicare. He said Obama needs to stay on to do more and finish what he said he would. Sal asked if he thinks they'll find Osama bin Laden. The guy didn't know that he was already dead.
Howard said this woman sounds very with it but she didn't know much about what's going on. The woman said that she doesn't like Romney. Sal and Richard asked about Paul Ryan and the woman had no idea who he was with. They also mentioned McCain and she thought he was running. They asked her about Osama bin Laden and she had no idea he was dead. They asked a bunch of questions about what we should do with the guy if he's caught.
Howard said it's crazy. He said he's pretty sure that white people don't know what's going on either. He played another clip where Sal and Richard asked an African guy about Obama and if he likes that he's pro-life and things like that. The guy said he likes pro-life and international democracy. They were throwing a bunch of questions at the guy and he didn't seem to be paying attention at all.
Howard said this next guy thought Obama was Mormon. Howard said he has a bunch of these interviews. In this clip the guy says he thinks Obama is a perfect match for the United States. Howard cut that one off and said none of these people knew that Osama bin Laden was dead. Howard said he's not sure how they miss that. Robin said they don't listen to anything.
Howard found another clip where the guys asked a guy about who he's voting for and mixed up the questions like they did with the other people. This guy thought Obama was running with Paul Ryan. He said Ryan always knows what's going on. The guy thought Sarah Palin was running again. Sal asked if it bothers him that he's Mormon. The guy said it didn't bother him.
Howard said he doesn't know what the hell is going on. Robin said all you have to do is get your name out there. Howard said that's what Jesse Ventura was saying. He said these people don't even know who is running.
Howard played another clip of a guy being asked the Obama questions. He had no idea that McCain wasn't running when he was asked about that. The guy said he thinks that Obama will get 40 percent of the vote. He said he would vote for McCain and not Sarah Palin. That guy was also saying he would vote for both Obama and McCain.
Howard said based on this McCain might just take it. He said it's pretty crazy. Robin said only if he drops Sarah Palin.
Howard said this is a Chick-Fil-A commercial that people like. He played the commercial parody where they brag about not being gay-friendly at their restaurants. Howard said that's a commercial that makes sense.
Howard said he has that Dina Lohan page now. He said they should be talking to Bam Margera about his home being invaded. He said this woman showed up in his home and started masturbating while Bam called the police.
Howard said this Dina Lohan is a fascinating train wreck. He said he's not sure why she didn't get up and leave. Howard said Lindsay is normal based on this upbringing.
Howard said now that they've got some distance from the America's Got Talent thing Sal and Richard went out to ask some old ladies about the AGT thing. Howard said they tried to find people who might hate him. Howard played one clip where a woman said that he was pretty good but he didn't win her over at all. She'd like to see him replaced on the show next season. The woman said that it's time for someone else.
Sal and Richard asked another woman about Howard and she said it was fine if he comes back. She thought he was pretty good. They asked if Howard or Simon would be better. One woman said Howard, one said Simon. They asked the woman about Judge Judy and she liked Howard over her. The two women they were questioning picked him over Paula Abdul too. They asked who should replace Sharon Osbourne. They suggested Betty White or Pink.
Howard said on the other shows they have people like Nicole Scherzinger, not Betty White. Howard played more of Sal and Richard asking women about him on AGT. Some women liked Howard as the judge. One woman picked Howard over Simon Cowell.
Howard said he might not be able to go out on top if he doesn't leave now. Howard said he's been wrestling with the idea of staying or leaving the show. Howard said he has a whole folder with the information about what went on this season. Fred played a drum like he was going to make an announcement. Howard said he likes doing something different out of his comfort zone and working with Sharon and Howie. He said he likes the variety on the show. Howard said he likes a lot of it. Howard said what he didn't like is that they had to organize the schedule to have more time off. Howard said it really didn't feel like he had any time off because he was working on America's Got Talent. Howard said he didn't think it would be that much time. He said they told him it was only 30 days of work but you have to get to the places and be there. He said he had to run around and not have a normal day. He said he didn't want to do too much because he had to be on his game. He said if they weren't on in the morning it would be different. Howard said that's where he's at.
Howard said he did build something this year being on the show. He said he's not sure he should leave now. Howard said some days it was fun and some days it was a drag. Robin said it looked like he was having fun. Howard said that's his gift. He looks like the life of the party.
Howard asked Bam if he thought one of his buddies set this up. Bam said he thought that it might be David Lee Homo because he was in the house at the time. He said it turns out it wasn't him laying in his bed.
Howard said he would think everything is weird based on the people he hangs around with. Bam said he woke up to someone kissing him on the lips and neck. He thought it was his girlfriend so he told her to quit it because he was sleeping. Then he saw that his girlfriend was facing the other way.
Bam said the girl who was kissing him was kind of good looking but she had long underarm hair and stuff. He said she smelled bad too. He said that when she told him that she was sent there by an Owl from Jupiter then he knew he had to call the cops. He said the girl looked like a skater girl who didn't bathe too often.
Bam said the girl kissed him on the lips and the next day he had a cold sore on his lip. He said he hopes he didn't get herpes from her.
bam said about a year ago this girl knocked on his mom's door saying she was going to marry him and move in. She had all of her bags packed and came up there from Florida. Bam said they called the cops and they took her to a homeless shelter. He said that this girl is still around and walking around. He said he didn't know what she looked like though. He said only his mom had seen her.
Bam said his girlfriend took this girl downstairs while he was on the phone to the cops. He said she wasn't making any sense at all while she was talking to her. Howard asked how this girl got in. Bam said there's a part of the property that's in the woods. He said that it's all marsh though so he's not sure if that's the way she got in. He said the rest of the property is fenced off. Howard asked if the cameras picked up that she was naked when she came in. Bam said that the guy who has the password to look at the security footage is on vacation and he can't get him yet.
Bam said this girl was talking about some weird stuff when the cps came. He said she was making up anything she could. Then she saw the police car coming and she ran off into the woods. He said he thinks that she rode from Westchester on her BMX bike to get there. He said that's about 7 miles. Bam said they tore that place apart and she didn't know where her clothes were. He said she may have been on acid or something.
Howard asked Bam if the new girlfriend is hot. Bam said she looks like Angelina Jolie but she has no boobs. Howard said he has to bring her in there. Bam said that's fair enough. Howard said it sounds like she's hot. Bam said he met her at a CKY concert in Petaluma, California. He said they made eye contact and they met there at this concert. He said she's 27 years old.
Howard saw a picture of the new girlfriend and said she looks kind of like Angelina Jolie or Mila Kunis. Howard asked how long it took to move her in. Bam didn't say exactly how long but it didn't sound like it was a long time.
Howard said there's no telling how long this girl was in his room with him that night. Bam said he has no idea. Howard said his heart must have been pounding a mile a minute. Bam said all he saw was a silhouette of a naked girl he had never seen before. Bam said that she's known as the Florida stalker and she showed up to a bar where his friends interviewed her. That was like 2 or 3 months ago. They asked her where she lived and she said she lived in a tree fort. Bam said they searched his property for like 7 hours and they found her in his treetop casino. He said she's probably been living there for 3 months. Bam said he has a tree fort in the woods and he hardly ever goes down there. He said no one really does. He said she's been sneaking in and living there. Howard said he'd like to build one of those. He said he doesn't think he'd have any naked women living there.
Howard said this sounds kind of funny but it's really not. He said that girl could have cut his dick off or something. Bam said it was scary the way she was talking and not making sense. Bam said he feels bad for her. He said they gave her sexual assault charges and stuff like that. Bam said he feels bad. Howard told him not to feel bad. He said that she's not going to give up and Letterman had something like that going on with him. Howard said the cops will charge you with stuff and they'll knock it all down. Bam should want her to be locked up. Bam said that he wants to see her get help. Howard said he has to press charges. Howard said that if he lets it go she won't give up. Howard said this girl will get out and she'll be back. Howard said as crazy as his life is this isn't cool.
Bam said the scary thing is that now that he's figured out that she was living on his property he thinks about jerking off in the house watching porn and how she was probably watching.
Howard asked if the girl is back to talking normal. Bam said she's never really made sense. He said that's why they thought she was nuts saying she lived in a tree fort. Howard asked if he thought about getting a threesome going. Bam said if they knew who she was them maybe it would be a possibility.
Howard said he has to press charges on this chick. Bam said he had to go to his neighbor's house to hide because he was so scared. He said that the cops looked everywhere on his property and they weren't able to find her. He said they even looked in the tree fort. They had to double check and then they found her covered in blankets. He said the fort is so rotten that there aren't any stairs up to it. Howard said it's no wonder she's so in shape. She had to scale her way up there.
Howard said it sounds like his house his crazy. She had to scale a mini-ramp to get to his tree fort. Bam said that this is like Neverland without the kids.
Howard asked if the girlfriend is there. Bam said she is. Howard asked what she's wearing. Bam said she's been sleeping and she's kind of out of it. He said she's in boy shorts. Howard asked if that's it. Bam said she's got a shirt on too but she's got small tits. Howard asked if he likes them with big tits. Bam said he just likes to bust her balls.
Bam told Howard that his buddy Novak went to jail for a year. He just got out. Bam said he was supposed to do 5 months on weekends but he did something really dumb and talked about how he cheated on his piss test at the jail while he was there. They sent the tape of him talking about it on the air to the warden and they put him in jail for more time.
Bam said that Novak called him and asked him to go bang his girl to help him out and keep her from getting horny. Bam said he did it and told Novak that he did him a favor. He said he'd rather have his best friend do that instead of some other dude. Howard asked if she knew the deal. Bam said Novak told her about it before he called him. Bam said they had a few drinks first. Howard asked how many times they did it. Bam said they did it just once. Bam said he thinks that Novak wanted to feel safe that someone did it. Bam said if they had messed around before they were just drunk at a bar. Bam said once he brought his girlfriend Nikki out there he didn't do that anymore.
Howard asked who is going to bang her now. Bam said Novak is out of jail now so he's back with her. Bam said Novak was in his cell and he was on the top bunk. He said the guy on the bottom bunk didn't like that he was jerking off there. Howard asked if Novak had sex with anyone in jail. Bam said he didn't but he said that it's very hard to jerk off. He said you never really have a time to do it.
Howard said it sounds like things are only looking up for Novak. Howard asked what he was in jail for. Bam said he forged a doctor's signature for pills or something. Howard said then he talked about cheating on his urine test and then got more time. Howard asked if he laughs about that. Bam said Novak knows what he did was his own fault for saying it. Howard said he seems like a bright guy. Bam said he's like the most street smart guy ever. He said you could put him in the worst part of Baltimore and he could talk his way out of anything. He said books smarts he might be dumb as shit.
Howard said you can find out more about Bam at BaMargera.com. Howard asked if he's working on any movies. Bam said they're working on a movie where Johnny Knoxville plays that old man character. He said that he's going to have a part in that. He said he's going to work on Punk'd since Ashton Kutcher is too busy for that. He said he has a lot of pilot-like things he's doing so he's not sure what channels they'll end up on. He said he's working on something with Jason Ellis.
Howard said he thinks that he should file charges on this chick. Howard said that he knows he's tolerant of odd behavior but he would be helping her if he pressed charges. Howard said she might end up back in the tree house and stalking him. Bam said he thinks that she might be too far gone for anyone to be able to help her. Bam said there are people at raves who sell acid and they have a bunch of the liquid leak into their skin and they end up nuts forever. He said that's what this chick seems to be like. He said that she might be bi-polar.
Howard asked to speak to his girlfriend Nikki. Bam put her on. Howard said she's super hot. Howard said she looks kind of like Mila Kunis and Angelina Jolie. She thanked him for that. Howard asked Nikki if she's just having sex with Bam and hanging out. Nikki said she loves him to death. Howard asked what she would like to do. She said she's a photographer and a designer. She said she does nude modeling too. Howard asked if she would pose nude for him. She said she got paid $200 for 3 hours. Howard said he'll give her double that. Howard told her to come down and model. Nikki said she'll do that. Howard said that's beautiful.
Bam told her to ask about a boob job. Howard asked to look her over first before getting boobs. Howard said she's probably hot without implants. Nikki said the good news is that she does have a butt.
Howard said he wants to sketch her. Howard said he might need her on all fours. Howard asked how it works when they do the nude modeling. She said she'll come in and pose and they can sketch her. Howard asked who decides on the pose. Nikki said she does. Howard asked if she'll let him sketch the inside of her vagina. She said she would do that. Howard asked if she'll open her ass up too. She said she won't do that. Bam said he's going to send them a shot of her naked so they can see her.
Howard asked Nikki if she wants to marry Bam. She said she does love him and she wants to be with him forever. Howard asked if she was freaked out by the chick being in the room. Nikki said she has never experienced anything like that. Howard told her to push Bam to press charges. Nikki said she wasn't acting violent. Howard said that's good. Nikki said that the cops took care of it and they are going to follow through with the charges they had. Nikki said they won't press any charges themselves. Howard said they better talk that over. Nikki said Bam was thinking about getting a gun but she's a felon so she can't let that happen.
Howard asked what she did to be a felon. She said that she caught her boyfriend cheating and caught him in the act so she pistol whipped him. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard said he bets Bam won't cheat on her. Nikki said he had his time to play. Howard asked if the boyfriend press charges on her. Nikki said it's kind of a long story. She said she decided to date someone who ran a brothel and it's a long story. She said she wasn't part of the brothel. She said that she was just a photographer. She said she could never do anything like that.
Nikki said she met this guy and she didn't know he was running it. She said he found out she was a photographer and he asked her to take pictures of the girls. Howard asked how long she went to jail for. She said she did 2 and a half months in county jail. She said she was on probation for 3 years. Nikki said she's free and clear now. She said Bam can't have a gun because she lives there. Howard said Nikki is wild. He said she's the whole package. Howard asked if the boyfriend was humiliated that she beat him up. Nikki said she would imagine so.
Howard said he can't wait to draw her. Howard said he's a pretty good artist. Howard said he does sketch. He's also a photographer. Howard said he has shot a few covers. Nikki said she would like to see some of his stuff. Howard said he might have to take some shots of her naked. Nikki said Bam has been painting a lot lately. She has modeled for her a couple of times. Robin didn't know Bam was an artist. Howard said when you have a hot chick you become an artist quickly.
Gary told Howard they texted Bam the email address to send the pictures to. Bam said he would send some Hustler versions for them. Howard gave Bam another plug for his web site and told him to send the pictures along and bring Nikki into the studio one day. Bam told everyone to follow @Eric_TheCat on Twitter. He said that's his cat and he has some crazy pictures up there.
Howard let Bam go and asked if they had the photos yet. Gary was checking but they weren't there yet. Howard said he just hired Nikki for double her salary. Howard said that he hasn't painted in a while. He said he has to get the stuff out of the moth balls. He said his paintings are pretty crude though. Howard said he'll sketch and Fred will paint.
Gary still didn't have the pictures and Howard was getting antsy. Howard said he likes that Nikki pistol whipped a guy and Bam is afraid of the girl who broke into his house. Gary said he likes that Nikki thinks Bam has had his fun already and he's not going to want another woman.
Howard said he's going to have to play catch up the rest of the morning. He found the picture in the NY Daily News. Howard showed it to Robin. Robin said she should leave him now. Howard asked who she's going to go to next. Howard said that maybe he should do that to Beth to make her appreciate him more. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard asked how old Antonio is. He said he's 33 and he started getting into it around 23. He said he was doing magic and doing the waiter thing. He said he wasn't very good with the ladies and he started doing magic because of that. He said you can get laid being a poker player. He said he has banged an actress too. He said it may have been a B-list actress but they'd know who she is. Howard didn't ask who it was but Antonio said he wouldn't say anyway.
Howard asked Antonio what his earnings are. Antonio said he's earned about $23 million total. He said he's been playing for years.
Howard asked Antonio if he has a tell. Antonio said everyone has a tell. He said it's up to the other players to figure out what their tells are. Howard asked how he does it. Antonio said that it's like a sixth sense. He told Howard how he knows what to do in the game too. He said you have to know a formula for figuring it all out. Howard asked about the coach he has and what his job is. He asked if he's there to calm him down. Antonio said that it's like mental warfare and the coach calms him down and puts him where he has to be. He said she's more of a life coach than a poker coach.
Howard said that Antonio says that poker is not a game of chance, it's game of skill. Antonio said that the way you play is a game of skill. He said that it's not chance. Robin said it's luck though.
Howard asked Antonio about what kind of money he's made doing this. Antonio said he does alright. He said he has won millions. Howard asked if his parents were mortified by this. Antonio said that they were.
Howard asked if he wants to rub this in people's faces from high school. Antonio said he went to his 10th high school reunion and brought a bunch of his friends with him in a stretch limo.
Howard asked about Antonio's life at home and what went on with his mother and father. He said that his mother left them there in the United States. He said that his mom went back to Iran while his father brought them to the States and let them grow up there. He said in Iran playing cards are illegal. He said the people running the country are a bunch of idiots. Howard said they'd probably cut his dick off if he went back there.
Howard asked if he would tell his kids to get into the business. Antonio said he would not. He said it's a touch business and you can lose a ton of money in a single game. He said he lost $375,000 in one game once. He said that was all his own money. That was about a year ago. Howard asked how you recover from that. Antonio said that it just matters what happens at the end of the year and it's not based on one game. Howard asked what he does after he loses that kind of money. Antonio said it's just another day at work. He said it's a pretty calculated decision process. Howard asked he goes right back to playing if there's a good game the next day. He said you just keep going.
Howard asked Antonio how he won this tournament. Antonio told Howard how the hands were and how he ended up winning. He said he will never forget what it was like. He said that he hoped no diamond would come and no diamond did come. Howard asked if he thinks he could stop playing poker tomorrow. Antonio said he could but why would he? He said this is just business.
Robin asked if he puts money away that he will never touch. Antonio said it doesn't work that way. He said you just keep playing poker. Howard said he tries to put away a little something. He said that his lifestyle sounds a little nomadic. He said that he should put aside some money. Antonio said when he won over a million bucks at 25 he figured he'd never go broke. Robin said the 18 million will make him invincible then. Antonio said he's not invincible but he's doing okay.
Howard asked what his lifestyle is like. He asked if he's living the Vegas lifestyle. Antonio said you never know when the games are going to be so they call when the big fish show up. He said that they play wealthy guys that don't care. He said they want to play so they play. Howard said he's not sure why he'd play him if he knows he's going to lose. Antonio said that he does lose. He said when he lost that $375,000 he had a bunch of big fish in the game.
Howard asked if he could play a game where they're playing for 10 bucks. Antonio said that would be boring but he could do that with family just hanging out. Howard said he doesn't need to play for high stakes but Antonio does. Antonio said he does. He said to get a thrill he has to play for high amounts. He said that's his career.
Robin asked about his lifestyle again. Howard asked how much pussy he's getting. Antonio said that he lives in Vegas and he had to get this stuff out of his system when he was in his 20s. Howard asked if the girls watch and get turned on. Antonio said that women aren't really fans of poker players. He said it's usually guy friends who point you out. Howard asked if he's on TV a lot. Antonio said it's on TV a lot. He said that they carried the $18 million game on ESPN. Howard asked if he's ever been in a game where the Mafia asked for their money back. Antonio said there was a game once when he felt something was going on. He said he just suspected it and never went back. He said it was just a suspicion. He said he wasn't sure anything was going on.
Howard asked Antonio has ever had two women at once. Antonio said he has. He said that people go nuts out in Vegas. He said that men get a bad rep for running around on women but so many women cheat out there. He said they all cheat on their men.
Howard asked Antonio about Brian Phelps being his bud. Antonio said that he and Phelps have gotten close. He said they went on a trip after the Olympics. He said he's not much of a poker player. Howard asked if he's got a girlfriend. Antonio said that he does and she told him that he should go on Howard and just be a pervert.
Howard said Antonio has a clothing line. He said that you want to be comfortable playing poker. He said the games go on for hours. Antonio said that he played a 3 day tournament and you have to avoid getting emotional. Howard said it's like warfare.
Howard said Antonio has a spray tan company too. You can check out SprayLavie.com. Antonio said he started that so he could tell women he runs spray tan salons instead of telling them that he's a poker player. Howard said he'd rather tell them that he's a poker player.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what it takes to get into poker. Antonio said that he started out with just a little bit and it doesn't take much. He said you can even play online. Antonio said the more you play the better you get. Antonio said he never dreamed it would get to this level. He said when he saw $20 poker chips for the first time he freaked out.
King of All Blacks called in and asked what kind of car he drives. He said he drives an SL55 Mercedes and a Navigator. Howard asked King to get a phone that works. He was all muffled. Howard said he sounds awful. King said it's because he's in his sweeper. Howard said he's ruining the show with his shitty phone. Howard said he has to get a better phone. King said he's going to get a new phone and test it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if Howard played cards as much as this guy did he'd win something. Howard said the game is a game of skill and some luck. He doesn't think he'd be as good as Antonio. Antonio said that's like saying if he did radio as much as Howard did he'd be as good as him. Howard assured him he wouldn't be.
Howard asked if the actress he banged was there in Vegas to go crazy. Antonio said she wasn't married but he may have had a C-list celebrity who was. Antonio said that he knows a guy who owns a club and it's just the two of them hanging out there. Howard asked Antonio if he loves this life. Antonio said he does love being able to do what he wants when he wants. He said he doesn't think he'll ever give up playing. He said in the last 10 years he's never had a losing year. He said this year should be the best year he's ever had. Howard said he could get bad at it eventually but who knows. Antonio said he'll have different things going on in his life so maybe he'll be alright.
Howard gave Antonio some plugs for his clothing line at 3Bet.com and his spray tan place.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Antonio is known for being a bit of an ass at the games. Antonio said he's not like that. He said that he's against treating other people like crap. He said that there are people he doesn't like in the games but he doesn't try to be an ass. He said that he has a hard time beating Phil Lock in the games and he told Howard what his tell is. He said that he had never exposed that before. He said he may have just made it even harder to beat the guy.
Howard wrapped up with Antonio and congratulated him on the $18 million win. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he got the photos of Bam Margera's girlfriend Nikki. Howard said she has a cross in her vagina in one shot. Howard said she's hot. He said she has to be a little wild to date Bam. Howard said he likes that she'll pose nude for 3 hours for $200. Howard said she could be female felon of the year.
Howard said Lisa Lampanelli has been on the show for years and she went out and got gastric bypass surgery and lost 80 pounds. Howard said he had to take a look. He said it looks like someone stuck a pin in her. Howard said she looks glamorous. Lisa said she feels so much better. She said Jimmy got it done too. Lisa said she got it done in April and he got it done after she lost some weight.
Lisa said she's still losing weight. She said by the time she gets her clothes dry cleaned she has to get new stuff. Howard asked if she ever questions herself about not being able to lose it on her own. Lisa said she does but she tired it for 30 years. Lisa said she doesn't have any skin hanging down so she's happy about that. Lisa said they're really lucky with that.
Howard asked Lisa how much more she wants to lose. Lisa said she doesn't care now. She said she lost enough but if it keeps coming off that's fine. Lisa said she lost 80 pounds and she's like the size of Marilyn Monroe but people still think she's a fat cunt.
Howard asked Lisa if she thinks this could have helped get her TV shows and stuff. Lisa said she doesn't care. She said that she's working on a Broadway play about her life with Alan Zweibel. She said she wanted to call it ''Lisa Lampanelli Is No Longer A Fat Cunt'' but it wouldn't fit on the board. She said that they're still working on the title.
Howard asked what she had done. Lisa said she had a gastric sleeve put on. She said it's not a bypass. She said she had 85 percent of her stomach removed. Lisa said they went in through her belly and they whip out the stomach and burn it. She said they pull it out through the hole to do this work. Lisa said that the stomach is only like 15 percent the size it was. She said she really can't eat a lot of food. Howard said she must want to eat though. Lisa said you can eat whatever you want but it has to be tiny. She said you have to make it count.
Howard asked Lisa if she was shitting like 5 tines a day. Lisa said she was and now it takes like 3 days for her to shit. Lisa said she has hemorrhoids from pushing too hard. Howard said she must smell better now. Lisa said she does smell better down there. She said she was always a good wiper but now her vagina even smells better. Howard said she must not be sweating down there. Lisa said she's also eating better food and less of it.
Howard asked Lisa what she's eating. Lisa said you have to watch what you eat and you have to make it count. Lisa said she has a protein shake in the morning. She said for lunch she'll have a real meal but she'll only have like 2 bites of it. She said she'll just take it home. Howard asked if she thinks about eating a whole steak. Lisa said if you eat one bite too much it literally is at the top of your throat. She said you ache from the top of your throat down and lay on the couch in pain.
Lisa said she had to be on clear liquids for 2 weeks. She said the next week she was allowed to eat regular food. She asked for some mashed potatoes and stuff like that. She said she ate 3 spoons full and she was full up to her throat. Lisa said that you can't eat much more than a bite every few minutes.
Howard said that all of the gifts we have are our senses. He said aside from sex the joy of eating is a huge part of our lives. Howard said it's such a sensuous thing. He said it's forbidden for her now. Lisa said that's not true. She said she went out to dinner last night with a bunch of people and she ate like 2 bites of each thing other than the soup she had. She said the liquid goes down easier. Lisa said she still had a 3 hour dinner with these cornholers she was out with.
Howard said he weighs himself every day and he'll eat less if he gains weight. Lisa said she sees that she's losing a few pounds a week and that's pretty hard core cool. She said the body will level off when it knows what to do. She said she may lose another 20. Howard said she'd be intensely fuckable if she did that.
Howard asked if the sex is better now. Lisa said it is. She said that Jimmy lost his belly and he gets in the right hole on the first try now. Howard asked if they have sex with the lights on. Lisa said they do. She said that she's less grossed out than she used to be so they're both looking at each other in a different way.
Howard was standing up looking at Lisa. Lisa asked if he's doing the show standing up now. Howard said he was just looking at her. He sat down and talked about how exhausted he is. They ended up talking about America's Got Talent and how great Lisa and Jimmy thought the shows were. Lisa said she was pulling for Tom Cotter because she knows him well. Howard said he heard he does dirty material in the clubs. Lisa said he does. She said she expected him to tell some dirty jokes but he kept it clean. Howard said he heard he had a sitcom for two seconds too. Howard asked why he never clicked. Lisa said she doesn't know.
Lisa said Tom is such a gentleman. She said Tom called her and asked her to do the roast thing with him. Lisa said he made her life asking her to do that. then they got the call that they were getting someone else. Howard said he heard something about that. He said Joan ended up doing it. Lisa said she would have loved to have helped Tom and she would have loved to have been on AGT.
Lisa said that she just took the whole summer off so she wouldn't be tired from doing The Apprentice a year ago. She said that Lou Ferrigno lies about you in the board room. She said that he'll get in the board room and say the opposite of what happened. She said that she doesn't think he's really deaf either. She said that his ears are just dumber than the rest of him.
Lisa said that she used to grab the front seat so Lou couldn't read her lips. She said that he annoyed her all the time. They hate each other after that whole thing. Howard said he thought Lou was such a nice guy in the film he was in with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Lisa told Howard that Lou was always lobbying to be painted green to dress up like the Hulk. She said no one wanted him to. She said she was on Arsenio's team and they wanted to call Lou to have him get in the green paint for the show. He told them that he can't do it because Marvel owns the character.
Lisa said they did the finale and she only said hi to Penn, Adam Carolla and Aubrey O'Dey. She said that the rest of them can die. She said everyone hated Lou though. Lisa said that Dee Snider hated Lou. She said he was as useful as a tampon at Betty White's house. Lisa said that he's the kind of guy who thinks he has ideas but he really didn't. She said she lasted the whole season and got fired at the end. Lisa said she won a lot of money for her charity so she doesn't care.
Howard said you'd think that you'd want to treat the guy differently because he's handicapped. Lisa said you can't do that because they're fair game in comedy and all of that.
Howard asked Lisa about the break she took this summer. Lisa said she needed the time off. She said she can't believe that Howard isn't taking more time off. Robin said the fans can't believe he takes as much off as he does.
Lisa said she thinks Howard has been great not talking about Sharon and Howie. Howard said he actually likes working with them. Lisa said she took offense to what Sharon said about an act. She said that they did the awful YouTube show and they shouldn't do that next year. Lisa said that one female comedian did awful and Sharon said that she was one of the few good looking comics. Lisa said that we have Whitney Cummings, Sarah Silverman and others. She said that she should keep it in her pants. Lisa said that she wouldn't be able to put up with Howie and Sharon. She said she doesn't like Howie's scraping the head hand signal.
Lisa said that she had a fight with Nick Cannon before the tapings. Lisa said when Mariah got knocked up she put out a joke about Mariah. Lisa said she tweeted out that she was knocked up with twins and hoped that it wouldn't be as big of a miscarriage as ''Glitter.'' She said Nick got upset with her about that and she actually apologized to him about that. She said she understood why he was upset.
Lisa said she thinks that she could have gotten annoyed with Howie Mandel working with him every week. She said she's sure that anyone would annoy her. Even Howard and Robin would get to her eventually.
Lisa asked Howard how great it felt when he got the biggest ovation at the show. Howard said it did feel great. He said he didn't want any of that. He said there were people who told him that he should have won the show over the dogs and Tom Cotter.
Howard asked Lisa about taking her summer off and even turned down the Roseanne Barr roast. Lisa said that was the easiest decision ever. She said she loves doing the roasts and she's good at it but she's working on this one woman show. She said she took 6 weeks off and she would have had to have spent weeks writing jokes for it. She said it was the lowest rated roast in history. Lisa said she didn't lose out on anything. Howard said he's surprised that it was low rated. Lisa said that people want a spectacle. She said that it's the Flavor Flav and Charlie Sheen roasts that people want to see.
Howard asked Lisa where her house is. Lisa said it's up in Fairfield, Connecticut. She said she took the summer off and just hung out there. She said she worked a tiny bit on her Broadway show but that was it. She said she was losing weight and playing tennis and shit like that.
Howard asked Lisa if she'll write down funny thoughts that come to her. Lisa said she'll put them into her iPhone and work on them later. Lisa said she had to do a casino in Biloxi, Mississippi last week. Lisa said that she had to do some fat jokes when she came out because she looks so different. Lisa said she had a joke about how they're using her stomach to cover the field at Yankee stadium. She said you have to tell people what you did and not lie about it.
Howard asked how many new jokes she has. Lisa said it's a lot. She said she's funny and she can put in a lot of new jokes. Lisa said that she tries all of her new material on stage. She said she hasn't been in a club in years. Lisa said people don't recognize her. She said the good thing is that she doesn't have to over tip when she's in a restaurant anymore. Lisa said when you are recognized they want a 50 percent tip or something. Lisa said it's awesome not being recognized. She said that in 10 months she might be upset about that. Right now it's great.
Howard said Lisa has skinny hands now too. Howard said she has a woman's hand now. Lisa said she knows. She said she never thought she'd get surgery but now she has to keep herself in check. Lisa said she has to have a certain level of self hate to keep herself going. Howard said he feels this is a rebirth for her.
Howard gave Lisa a plug for the movie ''Not Fade Away'' which opens October 19th in select theaters. She's in that with James Gandolfini. She said that David Chase liked her and put her in the movie. She said that Gandolfini came up to her saying he didn't know who she was. Lisa said she was trying to brag about doing the Borgata and things like that but it didn't impress him. Howard said that it must have been great working with the guy. Lisa said it was but he could have pretended he knew who she was. Lisa said that she could have said she was going to be working with an annoying douche from HBO and she thought it was Larry David.
Lisa said that she thinks that she's His type of humor but she's not sure. She said his assistant loves her so she gave a DVD to the assistant and told her to make sure James watched the fucking thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Lisa craves black cock anymore. Lisa said she really doesn't. She said that her sex drive has gone down a bit. She said that the menopause started kicking in about 3 years ago. She said she hasn't dried up yet. Howard said Robin's didn't either.
Lisa said that Robin can be such a cunt. She said that she came in and told them to watch The Apprentice and told them that she cries every few minutes. Then Robin comes on and calls her a baby. Lisa said she had to hear about that on Twitter. Robin said that Miss Universe was making her cry. Lisa said that she's so stupid it makes her cry.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Lisa gives a blow job and fills up on that load. Lisa said she doesn't do that stuff and she doesn't cook now either. She said she hasn't done that since she got married. Lisa said that she just has Jimmy fuck and that's it. She said she doesn't care if Jimmy likes it or not. She said he has it made as it is. Howard said this is all so depressing.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if they'd put a picture of her up on HowardStern.com he'd jerk off to it. Lisa said that's very romantic. Howard said he'll have Jason take some shots of her and put them up. Lisa said she's working with limited resources. She's 51 years old. Howard said she looks good though. He said she has a jaw line now. Howard said her hands are very feminine too.
Lisa asked what it was like doing the NJ Performing Arts Center. Howard said it was great and very nice. Lisa said that's good because she has a show scheduled for November 6th there. She asked if it's up to her standards. Howard said this is way above her standards. Howard also gave her a plug for her web site InsultComic.com before wrapping up and going to break.
Howard said he's not very familiar with Nicki Minaj. He said she has a cute face but she's got one of those Kim Kardashian bodies. Howard said he's pretty sure that hair color isn't natural either.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston. He said that Nicki Minaj is psychotic. Howard said he's wondering who is going to take Sharon's place on AGT. He said that if they hire someone he can't stand he's not sure he'd be able to do it. Howard said he still thinks that maybe Sharon will come back though. He's hoping she does. Mark said maybe next year they'll make him more a part of the show.
Gary asked Howard has a work ethic and if they bring someone in who shows up late then what is he going to do. Howard said he'd kill the person. Howard said a lot of that came up and he made a statement about it from the start. He said he's there early when he works. He said that if they had a diva there he wasn't going to wait for that person. He said that's horse shit. Gary said they have met people who have no sense of reality. Howard said he will go sit in his chair and if they're not ready on time then he will leave. Howard said he won't put up with that.
Mark suggested that Howard could just sit in all three seats. Howard said he could do that. Gary said Howard could be the one they call difficult if he walks off the show because someone else is late. Howard said if someone is an asshole on a show they should be showing that stuff on the reality shows. Howard said Howie is a fucking pro. He said he shows up the day before the show. Mark asked if Queen Latifah is professional. Howard said she had better be. That led to Howard doing an impression of his mother telling him how great Queen Latifah would be on the show.
Mark asked Howard about the Romney discussion he had where he brought up Bain Capital. He said that he worked for a company that they screwed over. Mark said they destroyed this media company. He said that's one thing that this country really does well.
Howard said he was listening to Howard 100 News yesterday and Scott DePace is out of his mind politically. Howard said he laid out all of this stuff on the air and Scott just said he can't be right and it doesn't sound right to him. Scott got on his mic and said he did read it and Howard isn't right. Scott said there are other articles that point out the things that are wrong with that article. Fred had put up one article from CNN. Scott said it's not as clear cut as the article was making it seem. Scott said that the article is a bunch of bullshit according to some banker friends he has. Howard said he wants to see facts, not friends. Mark said he's a fuckin' idiot.
Mark told Howard that they did a great Romney bit on Saturday Night Live where they strap people to the top of a plane. He also brought up how great the Richie Sambora thing was yesterday.
Howard got back to the Leverage Buy Out thing that he was talking about yesterday. Howard said in congress they get inside information and they still let these people trade in the stock market. Howard said they reported on it on 60 Minutes. Scott said that that's like a Cliff Notes version of what really happens. Howard said Scott doesn't know what he's talking about. Scott said if it's true then they should be prosecuted. Howard said it's not illegal. He said that the people who make the laws are benefiting.
Howard told Scott to go listen to Rush Limbaugh. He said Rush said something so crazy the other day and he can't remember what it was. JD came in and said that Rush said that Al Qaeda gave up Osama bin Laden to make Obama look good. JD had pulled the clip so Howard played it. Rush was saying that he has a theory that the militant Islamists want something. Their number one objective is no more Jews and no more Israel. He asked ''what if'' Al Qaeda had given up Osama bin Laden so they could make Obama look good and give him stature. Rush said that they don't rely on Osama bin Laden anymore. Howard said that's so ridiculous.
Howard said they had the Blue Man Group on AGT last week and they're not allowed to talk. Howard said they're big fans of the show but they just open their eyes wide. He said it's like talking to Benjy. Howard said that they touched Nick Cannon on his back and got blue on his white suit. Howard said he thought a Smurf had jizzed on him.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn came back to see him and she was all sweaty so he had to ask her not to hug him because he didn't want to ruin his suit. He said he felt like such a girl.
Howard said the Kennedy kid who was dating Taylor Swift had to go back to school. He said that's so weird. Howard said it would be funny if he wrote about his summer vacation and wrote about how many positions he did with Taylor Swift. Howard did his Kennedy impression talking about Taylor Swift blowing him and stuff like that. Howard said all Kennedy's talk like this. He said even Connor Kennedy talks like that.
Howard read about Amanda Bynes getting her car taken away from her after some accidents. Howard said that Macaulay Culkin is apparently living alone with no friends. Robin said they can be his friends.
Howard said that Sally Struthers was arrested for DUI. He said people say she can't get arrested in this business but she actually did. Robin said everyone can get arrested. They just can't get a role.
Howard said Robin read a news story about the Boy Scouts having child molestation cover ups. Howard said that's not surprising letting old men sleep in the woods with young boys. Howard said there must be a few instances of that going on. Howard said he was a boy scout and he earned an ass raping badge from his scout leader.
Howard said his mom wanted to be a pack leader. He said he told her he'd rather take piano lessons. Howard said he heard in Libya they burned down a KFC. He said he'd like to know who opened up a franchise like that in Libya.
Robin mentioned there was a Hardee's in Libya that was burned down. Howard said that's crazy opening those places over there. Jon said they have huge insurance for those places over there.
Jon said he got fat as a kid because his step-father owned a Burger King. He said they were always eating chicken tenders. He said he got fat from doing that. Howard said they used to go out to fast food exclusively. Robin said they used to go to Roy Rogers all the time. Howard said they loved Roy Rogers. Howard said they'd go there down in Washington. Howard said they had such good food. He said he had the thighs of an elephant and they'd rub together.
Jon said that his mother met his step-father at Burger King. He said that she'd go there in the morning and she'd bring them there. Jon said they got to make shakes behind the counter and stuff like that. He said he was working there at 12 years old and he had to use a step stool to take the money through the drive thru window. Jon said they would have their fund raisers at the Burger King and he had his friends working there too. Jon said all of their class functions were there. He said they'd close the place down for those functions. Jon said that they gave his step-father a list of franchise places that he could open in. He's not sure that Libya was on that list.
Howard said Jon found out something about Sal. Jon said that Sal has been wearing hats to work the past couple of days. He said Ronnie clued him in on that. Jon said that Sal can't expose his hair to light anymore. He's doing a treatment where he has 50 light sources strapped on to his head in hopes of growing them. Howard said he has a full head of hair. Howard said Sal is an asshole. He said that there's probably no scientific data that shows this works.
Jon said that the therapy he's using is low level lasers. Howard said if they figured out a way to make hair grow then it would be huge. Jon had Gary bring in the contraption Sal is using. Howard said it's a bike helmet. Howard said Sal is like one of those guys who buys stuff like snake oil. Gary said he's like Ralph Kramden.
Jon told Howard that they have you put on lotions and use this helmet. Jon said that the helmet was sent to Tim Sabean and now Sal is using it. Jon said they found out that you have to store the helmet in a hard chrome suitcase. He said the helmet and lotions are all in there. Jon said it retails for $699.
Howard said Sal looks like he joined a gay roller derby. Jon said the company just opened in 2011. Howard said he's not saying this doesn't work but he's not sure about it. He said Sal will do anything to himself.
Jon said they say that if your hair is exposed to light strange things can happen. Howard told Sal to get in there. He said he bets if he told him to eat his shit his hair would grow and he'd believe it. Howard said Sal is a moron. He said he has hair. Sal said he wants his hair to grow. Howard said if someone figured out a way to grow hair it would be in the paper. Sal said it's worth a shot. Howard said Sal will rub anything into his head. Sal said that's pretty much the way it is.
Howard asked Sal what evidence they have that it works. Sal said he doesn't know. He said he was just going to give it a shot. Jon asked if it overheats his head. Sal said he hasn't felt that. Howard said he has a full head of hair. He asked if he's losing his hair. Sal said he is a little bit. Howard said he has to stop with this stuff.
Howard said they have to watch Sal doing this whole thing. Jon said that Sal got very angry with them. Sal said he didn't want his balls broken over it. Howard said he looks like Will I Am from the Black Eyed Peas. Sal said he falls asleep with the thing on. He said he can't hear his wife so it's fantastic. Howard told Sal if he rubs his shit all over him he'll grow hair.
Robin asked when he started and when he expects to see results. Sal said it beats the shit out of him. Howard said he'll sell Howard his time traveling Sombrero for $700.
Howard told Sal to turn to his left. Sal turned to his right. Howard said Ronnie was holding an ''Asshole'' sign over his head. Jon said that the company says that it takes 6 months to show any improvement. Sal said they'll do a before and after. Howard said when he sees evidence that it works then he'll stop calling him an asshole.
Howard thanked Jon for uncovering that story. He said he may have saved Sal from some aggravation. Howard said he knows nothing about this company. Robin said they just came out in February 2011. She said you'd think they would have heard about it by now. Howard said he doesn't know. He read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about how Mariah Carey might not be too thrilled with Nicki Minaj on American Idol. Howard wondered if that's going to be on against The Voice. Jon Hein came in and said that Idol doesn't start until January. He gave Howard the rundown of where the shows are now but how NBC could move them around a bit. Robin said that Mariah apparently hasn't been happy with Minaj being on the show from the start according to TMZ. Robin said they have been talking over each other at the tapings according to some people. Howard said he'd love to see them have an actual fight.
Robin read about how people are camping out to get their iPhone 5 already. The phone comes out on the 21st. Howard said he can't believe that no one can get him one early. He said he should have one by now. Howard said he wants one because it's faster and thinner. Robin said they say pre-orders have topped 2 million. She said that their stock hit $700. Howard said Tim bought two already and got one of each color. Howard said he loves this technology. He said it's so fun. Howard said he can't believe Robin isn't going to order one. Robin said she isn't off contract yet. Howard said she has plenty of money. Robin said there is a difference between a $399 phone and a $899 phone. Howard said she ordered that $800 bottle of wine that time. He said he got hosed that night. He said she ordered 3 bottles of that stuff. Howard said he loves $20 wine and the $800 bottle wasn't all that different.
Robin said a corporation called Halo is incorporating zombies into their training. Robin said they're going to be adding some levity into their training.
Robin said that Salmon Rushdie must be looking at this movie that's causing all of this trouble with the Iranians. Robin said that they've upped the reward to kill Salmon Rushdie thanks to that film that has nothing to do with Salmon. Robin said he may have to go back into hiding. Howard said he thinks that he did the right thing. Robin said he had it pretty awful for a long time. Howard went right into a live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney talking at an event about who he thinks will vote for Obama and what they can do about it. Robin had some audio of Donald Trump talking about that tape too.
Howard said Robin took a hit in the email. She mentioned that she didn't like that Boston song yesterday. Howard said that some fans got upset with her over that. Howard read one where the writer told Robin to crawl back in her hole to watch her 3D TV.
Howard said he wanted to play a new ad for the iPhone 5 featuring Siri. He found it and in the clip they have JD trying to ask Siri questions and Siri telling him she can't understand a fucking word he said. Siri gives up and tells him to just type what he wants.
Howard said Gary pointed out something to him about a Bruce Springsteen song called ''Trapped.'' Howard said AshleyMadison made a jingle and they use that tune. Howard said the lyrics are ''You got fat... and I got trapped'' Howard said that Ashley Madison must be really successful. He said they buy a lot of ads. He said they claim there are like 13 million people cheating on there. Howard had Fred find the original Jimmy Cliff version of the song because it wasn't written by Bruce. Fred played the song and it wasn't impressing Howard at all at first. He said it was an okay song. He said Bruce really changed it. Howard said he thinks he likes Ashley Madison's version the best. Fred said it is pretty good.
Howard mentioned the movie Mars Attacks and Fred played some ''Ack Ack'' clips. Gary said he got a very angry email from Eric yesterday about how Howard didn't pick up on him for more than the minute he gave him yesterday. Howard said he just didn't have time. Howard said he's running a show. Gary said it is Eric's 10th anniversary of calling the show.
Robin got back to her news and read about how Shaun White was arrested after he got drunk and trashed his hotel room. Robin said he somehow split his head open while running away. Robin said he was jailed and processed on public intoxication.
Robin read about people in Colorado taking a poll about gun control. Robin said they say 56 percent of the people think it's more important to protect the second amendment than have gun control. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard read some more email. He had some feedback about Jesse Ventura. He said it was kind of mixed. Some people liked the interview and want him on more. Others didn't like Jesse. Howard read a couple of both sides. Howard had one about JD looking kind of Asian these days. Howard said Richie Sambora got a lot of praise. Howard read a couple of emails about Richie's appearance before getting back to Robin.
Robin read a story about a suicide bombing that took place in Afghanistan. Robin said that things are getting crazy over there. The woman apparently did it in response to this movie where they make fun of Mohammed.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that a kid went to Peru and died from taking Ayahuasca. Howard said he talked about that with Robin. Robin said that was off the air but they did discuss it. Howard said he thought they did it on the air. Robin said it was at her apartment.
Robin read a story about a terrorist scare at JFK airport. She said that they thought there were terrorists hiding in the wheel wells of a plane but after a search nothing was found.
Robin read a story about Justin Bieber's mom writing a book about her son. Robin said that she never thought of an abortion even though she was pregnant out of wedlock. Howard said she did a good job and thanks to her not getting an abortion they were treated to that performance on AGT last week. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Scott said that Mitt Romney didn't just want to put people out on the streets. Gary came in and said there are only two sides to the story when it comes to republican issues. He said there are never two sides when they're talking about democrats. Scott said that's just not true. Jon asked if he has ever voted for a democrat. Scott said he has. He said he wouldn't have voted for Bloomberg. Scott said he has issues that fall along party lines. Gary said when it comes to the small town stuff he doesn't care which party the person is with. He just wants his streets fixed.
Gary asked Scott if he would eliminate any program that assists the poor. Scott said no. He said he's just for taking a look at them and making sure they work. Gary said he agrees with that.
Jon asked Scott about the Santorum clip and how he thinks Howard misinterpreted it. Scott said no one there understood it. Scott said there is a prism around there that's very narrow. He said it's focused on liberal sides. He said from his standpoint he watched it and he was obviously using sarcasm when he said ''smart people.'' He said he was talking about morals and how he doesn't want them coming from the media. He said he thinks that it should be people teaching morals, not the media. Scott said he wishes that it were more even sided around there. Gary said he picked the wrong line of work for that.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks anyone around there will vote for Romney other than himself. Scott said he has hope for a couple. He said he hopes that Jon will. Gary said he has zero idea what Jon's political views are. He said he never says anything to him. Gary said they never talk about politics when they're on the road. Jon said they usually only talk about Scott. Benjy said he heard that every 4 years Jon goes into a voting booth and jerks off.
Gary asked Jon if he has voted both ways or one way more than the other. Jon said that he thinks he's voted more democratic but he has voted both ways. He said he's leaning one way but he's going to wait for the debates to see which way it goes. Gary said he's not sure what the debates are going to show. He said they've already got the issues out there and now it's more like watching a sport and seeing which team screws up less.
Jon said he learns more about the prep for the debates. He said the debates don't show that much. Gary said he loves watching how everything gets ready.
Scott asked if Gary went to see the movie ''Obama 2016.'' Gary said he didn't but he hasn't gone to see any movies lately. Scott said he saw Fahrenheit 911 but he did it under protest. He said Gary should see this movie. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary asked Dominic why he got arrested a couple of weeks ago. Dominic said he didn't get arrested. He said he had someone make some comments about his family and he made some back. He said they just had an argument. Dominic said they put that in the paper and they do that if he even itches his head.
Gary said he thought that he had a dispute with Leslie. Dominic said they did file a violation against him and she has some against him so they're back to that old song and dance again. Gary said they'll have to talk about this stuff when he comes up there. Dominic said he wasn't disbarred either. He said he was suspended for one year. Jon thanked him for the call and let him go.
Sal said he doesn't tan anymore at the tanning salons. Sal said he did sit out in the sun but he uses the ''SPFs'' out there. He said that he had a melanoma and he stopped doing the tanning. Sal said they should stop busting his balls about that. He said it's in moderation.
Gary said Sal is a dad and he thinks he's doing stuff to endanger his life. He said that he has 3 kids and a wife. Gary said there are things you don't want to do. He said the electronic cigarette has to be just as bad as the real thing. Sal said he has to disagree with that. He said he has read about them and they don't seem to be that bad. He said he read about the laser thing and they're not that bad either. He said it's a low level laser thing that stimulates the follicle. Scott said that Jon should be using it. Jon said he would never do that.
Ronnie said something is going on with Sal's hair. He said he looks different all the time. He said he doesn't get what's going on with him. Sal said he wants to save his hair. Ronnie said Sal has nice hair. He said he has commented on his hair and Sal will yell at him. He said he had a weird hair line one day and he said he looked like he had a weave.
Sal said a few months ago he had stopped the stuff he was using. He said he had this powder in a can that you spray on. It fills in the front and the side. Ronnie said he knew he was doing something. Sal said it did look ridiculous. Sal said he had black shit all over his shirt from it.
Gary said Sal seems to be obsessed with his looks. Sal said he just likes to look good. He said there is a deep insecurity with his wife and he feels inadequate. Gary said he's been like this for a long time. Sal said it's gotten worse since that whole thing happened with his wife. He said she once commented on him not wearing a t-shirt under another shirt and he snapped on her asking if that other guy wore one.
Sal said the laser helmet thing may be going a step too far. Gary said it's very easy to fuck with him. He said he gets alligator skin when he gets nervous and he freaks out if you point it out. Jon said he has been concerned with his appearance for a long time. Jon said Ronnie picked out the changes. He's very good at that.
Sal said he wore a hat to work and his wife said they would notice. Ronnie said he's seen him doing that before but only when he's late or something. Sal said Ronnie is good at picking up on that stuff.
The guys asked if Sal's wife knows about this helmet. Sal said he wears it in bed. He said she knows about it. He has to wear it for 20 minutes at a time. Scott asked why he would wear it in front of his wife if he's trying to look good. Sal said she watches her TV shows and he wears his helmet and closes his eyes.
Jon asked Sal if he's going to keep this up for a while even though Howard told him to stop. Sal said he's going to go to the end of September and then stop.
Jon asked where he reads about this stuff. Sal said he just browses the net. Sal said he's going to give this thing a try and just see how it works. He said he saw this laser comb that he was thinking of trying but it was 200 bucks. He said Tim gave him the helmet thing and he decided to try it. Gary said Sal is the last one he'd give something like that to. He doesn't have bad hair.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a burn victim and he heard that Sal got burned and he's going to a plastic surgeon for the burn. Sal said it's not a minor thing. Gary said it looks really bad. The caller asked if he's worried about what it's going to look like. Sal said he got some basic creams for it and then he called a plastic surgeon friend who suggested some other stuff. He said it could scar up and become discolored so he asked the plastic surgeon friend about what to do. Sal said he had a brisket in the oven and he had a cheap pan in there that ended up tipping and pouring the hot liquids pour on his arm. Gary said he heard he cleaned up the mess before treating his arms. Sal said the women who were over at the house freaked out more about the mess than his burns. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Sal if he's upset about the way Christmas is celebrated. Sal said we're off track with that whole thing.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that they have obtained a document from the FDA about this thing he's using on his head. He said they have some complaints about the device and they also put some things on the label that they didn't have approval for. Leiberman said they're going to be following up on that. He said they also sent the product prior to getting approval from the FDA. Sal said they did say that it was safe to use. Gary said that the company is saying that but of course they'd say that.
Jon asked JD about how he became aware of this helmet that Sal is using. JD said that Sal was plugging it into the wall in the hall and he had it turned upside down and it was like a light show that blinded him. Gary said he knows what to get Sal for Christmas. He has to get him a power strip to plug all of his stuff into. Gary said Sal is also redder or darker than he is usually. Sal said he was in the sun for a week straight. Jon asked what he's doing in the sun if he had melanoma. Sal quickly asked Jon what he's doing in Wendy's if he has diabetes. Sal said he thinks he got that melanoma from being shot with the paint ball gun by his wife. He said it was in the exact same spot that he got shot in twice. Jon said he didn't know you could get a melanoma from being shot with a paint ball. Sal told him to do some research on that. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done around 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking to Robin. Robin said that she was talking to a friend who told her to tell Howard he's a good judge. Howard said he wants it to be like the old west where the judges all come into town. Robin said this woman said Howard knows what he's talking about. She told Howard he should keep doing the show. Howard said there are so many judges that it's not all that prestigious. He still thinks he's the best though. Howard said he has been watching The X-Factor and he thinks he's better than Simon and L.A. Reid. Robin said she knew that as soon as she saw him.
Howard said he has to play her something that's so great. He said they were supposed to interview Penny Marshall today. He said she wrote a book (My Mother Was Nuts) and he was going to have her on today. He said she's had a kind of fascinating life. Howard said when she was young she had a kid and she gave it to the grandparents of the father of the kid. He said she has a whole saga going on. Howard said she decided on a whim not to come in. Howard said she didn't want to get up early. Howard said he's met her at a couple of events and they have a great time together at parties. Howard said she dishonored him today. Howard said she's at the point in her life when she doesn't do anything she doesn't want to. Howard said he knows how it is getting up early so he knows how she feels.
Howard said if you have a book out you don't pass up any interview. Howard said the funny thing is that his audience buys books and other product. Howard said they have a great audience that does that. He said he doesn't talk to idiots like people think they do. Howard said they've seen reports on the kind of audience they have.
Robin said that's a shame. Howard said someone else canceled too. Gary said it was Carol Miller. She was just sick and she rescheduled. Gary said Penny was up there yesterday promoting and he thinks that she should just get over the early thing and come in to promote her book.
Howard said that Carol Miller was super attractive and had a lot of guys who hit on her when she worked at WPLJ there in the city.
Howard asked Chris how old he is now. Chris said he's 38. Howard said he met Chris 9 years ago and he likes him a lot. He said he's really talented. He said that he reached out to some other people to make friends in the business. He said he really enjoyed taking the calls from Chris when he tells him he's been fired again. He said it's not depressing at all. Howard said he would call Chris and he'd tell him that he was busy being fired again when he was unable to get a hold of him. Howard said he was hoping for more successful people in radio. Howard said he made friends with Bubba who hates the business too. Howard said Booker keeps talking about how he has to get on in mornings or on TV. Howard said they're the most depressed people in the business.
Howard said Chris is good about knowing where people are working. He said at the time when he met him he was in San Antonio. He said he was doing a morning show and he thought he was going to do really well in the business. Then he went to Philly and things were going well there. Chris said he thought everything was going to be fine according to Howard. Howard said he got fired in Philly and then took almost 2 years off. He said he went to Portland to work for a while and then Atlanta. Then that ended 2 weeks ago. Howard said he thought he was doing well. Chris said they got rid of the whole station. He said the top 40 stuff is taking over. Chris said he could do it and he may have to.
Howard said they have a certain way of doing the talk up that he can't do. Howard asked Chris to do his top 40 thing. Chris said it's the same voice but he's just louder. Howard had Fred play a song but Fred played something from the 70s that he wasn't able to talk up. Howard had him play a Katy Perry song. They all start singing immediately though. Howard had him play a Flo Rida song. Fred said he was going to find a Black Eyed Peas song instead. Chris said that would be good. Fred was trying to find a song but everything he picked wasn't working. Chris did a talk up but the song just singing started too soon. Fred said he's not sure what to do. They all start singing too soon. Fred said no one has intros anymore.
Howard got the top 5 songs list and said they could have been off the phone with Chris if they had just found a song already. Howard tried doing it with the top 5 but they were all edited down. They eventually found a Taylor Swift song and he did a quick intro. He was pretty mellow sounding. Chris said that's because of the song. Fred played a Flo Rida song. Chris did that one in his regular voice too. Howard wanted Chris to talk up a Led Zeppelin song. Chris said he would have taken a call over that song. He tried that but even that song started sooner than expected.
Fred played U2's ''Where The Streets Have No Name'' and said they should be able to have a conversation during that intro. Chris pretended to take a call from Howard and talked up the song. Howard pretended to be a suicidal caller and Chris didn't do much to save the guy. He told him to do what he has to do. Howard said he did sound good actually. He said he thought that these guys all yelled. Robin said most do.
Howard talked up the song himself since the intro was so long. Howard asked if he was good. Chris said he was good and then pretended he was the caller. They talked it up until the song played.
Howard asked Chris what his game plan was. Chris said he wasn't fired yet. They're moving him to Cincinnati. He said he has a kid and another one on the way. Howard asked what he'll be doing in Cincinnati. Chris said he'll be on WEBN there doing his show. He said he was kind of excited to go when he heard he was going. Howard said it must be exhausting going from market to market. Chris said he lasts about a year in each place he goes. Robin asked if he bought a house. Chris said that's gone. Howard said he told him not to buy a house. Chris said he wrote a check for 7 grand to get rid of the house. He said people tell him he was lucky that's all he had to give up.
Howard asked Chris what kind of deal he has there. Chris said it's the same kind of deal and he has to start over in a new market. He said he has a lot of comic friends who have taught him how to make the show seem fresh. Howard said maybe he should play some of his old shows. Chris said he does that. Howard said that shows that he's got some experience. Chris said he owns everything he's ever done. Howard said he had to buy his own material back. Howard said Chris learned from his mistakes.
Howard asked Chris if he wanted to call WEBN and tell them that he's replacing them. Chris said there's no one there right now. Howard said that would have been great.
Robin asked how the family takes all of this. Chris said he met his wife at the station he worked at and she was doing sales. She knows what it's like.
Howard said he would see guys who worked at the best stations working in shit holes. He said they were just trying to pick up work. He said it's a brutal business. Howard said if it doesn't work out in Cincinnati is Chris going to get out of the business. Chris said he has a friend who is an attorney now that he's out of the business. He said he has school fees he has to pay. Chris said he's not sure what he would go to school for. Chris said they spend all of their time paying off their loans. Howard said he should be a dentist. Chris said he's ahead of the game right now.
Chris said he tried to friend Howard on Facebook but he didn't accept it. Howard said maybe he didn't recognize his name. Howard said Victoria Silvstedt friended him on Facebook but he figured it wasn't even really her. He said he may not have thought Chris was the real guy or something. Chris said his friend request is still pending. He said he doesn't read his Twitter thing since everyone just fights with him there. Chris said that Twitter is the best. He said he knows Howard wants off of there. Howard said he reads stuff about how he sucks all the time and it gets to him. He said they write so much personal stuff. Robin said he lets it get to him and that makes the people do it more.
Chris said he gets shit talk from the people who pay him. Howard said he's on his own there at Sirius. He said they're wasting time there. He said they could use him to boost sales but they don't do anything. Chris said that some bank is taking over there. Howard said a guy named Malone is taking over. Howard said he's never met the guy though. Howard said you'd think that he'd say hello to him but maybe he's not allowed to. Howard said even if he never meets the guy he's fine with that. He said he doesn't want the phony bullshit handshake stuff though. He said they should just pay him and leave him alone. Chris said it doesn't sound like a good sign to him.
Howard said Chris is going to WEBN in Cincinnati. Chris said he was on in Atlanta for a year and 3 months in Atlanta. He said that they were saying they were moving to a new frequency but then they told them the bad news that they were going top 40 and they were moving him to a new station. Chris said he thinks it's kind of cool that they did that though.
Chris said that his boss is going with him so it's not even changing. He said his boss is cool and it should be good. Howard said he'll probably be out of Cincinnati in a year. Chris said he's probably right. Howard said he will call him off the air and talk to him about this stuff. Chris said he'll hit him up on Facebook and Twitter. Howard let Chris go a short time later. Howard said that's a talented guy but that's just the way it goes.
Howard said he never thought Taylor Swift was that hot but he saw her on the MTV VMAs and she looked hot shaking her ass. Howard said that she's dating that Kennedy kid too. Howard went into his Kennedy impression for a few seconds. Howard said they had a picture of Taylor dressed up like a cheerleader on the MTV thing. Howard did his Conner Kennedy impression and talked about what he did with Taylor Swift over the summer. He was giving his school report about what he did this summer. Howard said he was the first Kennedy who was going to marry someone with money. Fred was doing his Kennedy impression with Howard. Robin even did a little bit of her Kennedy impression with Howard and Fred. Fred went a little too far when he said that they were having sex on the grave of Conner's mother. Howard said that was a little too far for him.
Howard said he never felt he was shocking. He said he just talked about things that were on his mind and he talks in a lingo that was his. He said if he felt it was shocking then that's on him. He said he just talks about interesting things. Pete said things used to just fly out of his mouth. Howard asked what kind of things he's not talking about.
Pete said that Howard used to talk about his relationships. Howard said he talks about fucking his wife with a rubber. Pete said he has too much respect for people now. Howard said people used to complain about the show not being fun. He said this seems like an attack to him and he's not sure what he wants him to do. Pete said he's not attacking him. Pete said he's his mentor. Howard said he's not his mentor and Pete is just a listener.
Pete said he's a nationally recognized radio caller. Howard said he's just a guy he looks up to and listens to on the radio. Howard said he doesn't mentor his career. Pete said he puts a show on and he's never heard a show like he did in the mid-90s through 2000. Howard said he's evolving and that's what people want. He said you have to change.
Pete told Howard that he's a guy like Lonnie Hanover and he works at a club there in Pittsburgh so Howard is welcome to come there anytime. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said that he's not Pete's mentor. He said a mentor is someone who works with you and has some sort of relationship with you. Howard said he thought Bob Grant was great in radio when he was growing up. He said he wasn't a mentor. He said he was an inspiration to him. Howard said Pete is insane if he thinks he's his mentor. Robin said Pete thinks a lot of things that don't make sense. Gary said that Pete also thinks that Lonnie is a guy who runs around passing out flyers for a strip club. That's not what Lonnie does.
Howard picked up on Eric and asked if he knew that. Eric said he's been trying to tell him that for a week now. Howard asked Gary why they're not having some kind of celebration. Gary said that Eric was wondering why he wasn't letting him on the show. Howard said that this stuff doesn't mean anything to anyone there. Robin said they don't even celebrate their own anniversary. Howard said he doesn't care about anniversaries. Gary said last week was his 28th anniversary working for the show. He wasn't upset that Howard didn't say anything.
Howard said they're going to plan for Eric's 20th anniversary. Howard said that they really don't give a shit about the anniversary. Eric said he was hoping they would. Howard said sometimes Eric seems smart but then he gets upset about dumb shit. He said he really is dumb sometimes. Fred played a clip of him saying he's fucking retarded.
Howard asked Eric if he's serious about this. Eric said he thinks he's serious. Howard asked if he wants to fly him with balloons for his anniversary. Eric said no. Howard asked what he wants them to do. Eric said he just wants some kind of acknowledgment.
Javier said he loves Eric but Eric hates him. Javier said that he started calling the show in November so that's his own anniversary. Howard asked if they should celebrate his anniversary too. Eric said no. Eric said he doesn't like Javier because he thinks he knows all of this stuff but he doesn't. Javier said he just knows the history of when he calls the show. He doesn't know personal stuff. Howard said Javier is a fan of his. Robin said Eric hates his fans. Eric said he does not.
Eric said they talk shit about him on the web and that's why he kicks people off his stuff. He said he has over 25,000 followers on Twitter. Javier said he blocked him like 2 years ago. He said he's not sure what he even did wrong. He said he talked to Johnny Fratto who said that he thought he was a double agent and he was out to get him. Howard asked if he used the M word as in Midget. Javier said he may have. He said he has never been mean spirited to Eric though. He said he may have done some goofs but he's never been mean spirited to him and he's defended him.
Howard told Javier to celebrate his anniversary. He has a list of the top 5 moments of Eric on the show. Javier said the flying with balloons bit was one of the top 5. Javier said the ''zero point zero'' call was great and so was the time Eric told Johnny to put the hit out on that guy Jerry. Howard said that was great. He told Johnny ''You know what to do... You know what to do.'' Then Javier said that whole Kendra thing was great in 2009. He said those were some of the greatest calls Eric made to the show. Eric said that this guy isn't an expert. He said that it was 2009 but it was actually 2008. Javier said he said it was 2008. Javier said that he also loved when Eric said that he was going to have a modeling agency. Howard said that's right and he had to have the girl live with him for 2 years after she won. Howard asked if they ever did that. Eric said he and Johnny didn't do it.
Javier said there is nothing but love coming from his side. Howard asked Eric if he would unblock Javier for his anniversary. Eric said he might but he doesn't remember his user name. Javier said he can get in contact with Johnny again and let him know. Eric said Johnny was the one who thought he was an idiot.
Howard said he's going to play ''Fly Me With Balloons'' in honor of this anniversary. Howard said another great moment was when Eric thought that he was going to see Werewolves in New Mexico. Javier and Howard had a couple of other favorite Eric moments that they went over. Howard said there was that time they wanted him to go on a bunch of shows and have Eric's head blow up.
Eric said that he sent a list of shows that he wanted to go on to the show. Howard said that he's been working on getting him on Whitney Cummings show. Eric said he heard about that. Howard said Beth was asked to go on the show. He said he told Beth to say she's not available but Eric is. Howard said he said to Whitney that maybe Eric could play her abusive boyfriend or something. Howard said he could be the new boyfriend or an old boyfriend who comes back. Howard said she freaks out around him but she's secretly in love with him.
Javier asked if Eric would play a zombie in the Walking Dead. Eric said he's never seen the show but he won't play a zombie. Howard and Fred started goofing on Eric's response because they thought it sounded like a buzzer. Fred played a buzzer sound a bunch of times. Eric said that was rude.
Howard asked Eric what kind of shows he wants to be on. Eric said he wants to be on network shows and he was thinking about trying to get on Ben and Kate, New Girls... Gary interrupted and said that he has Eric's list and he has plot ideas for the shows. He wants to be on Sons of Anarchy where he'd be in the Bunny Ranch when the gang makes a drug drop. Howard said that's a good plot. He said he'd like to see that. Howard said Eric could be there like one of the John's and he'd talk to the girls and maybe some of the Sons of Anarchy. Howard said maybe he could play someone who they run over in the road like a racoon. Howard said he'd hang Eric off Ron Perlman's handlebars.
Robin said that Howard never gave out the other shows Eric wanted to be on. Gary said that he wanted to be on Parenthood and Community too. Howard said Robin is killing him with this. Eric had other ideas for shows he'd like to go on. Howard said maybe he could play a guy dressed as a baby on Parenthood and he wants to rob the place. Howard said he could be in the day care center and play a baby. Howard said he's never seen the show before. Eric said that's great that he's never seen it but Dax Sheppard and Ron Howard are big fans. Howard said he can't watch all of his fan's shows.
Javier said he still likes Eric even if he doesn't like him. Howard said they could do some fun stuff on Parenthood. He said they could have him in an orphanage and say he has an aging disease. Robin said she's surprised he doesn't want to be on Glee. Eric said he doesn't want to be on that show at all. Howard said he could play a gay character. Eric said he will never play a gay character. He said he would only be on The New Normal or Modern Family. Robin asked if he would play a baby on Modern Family. Eric said no. Howard asked if he would play a meth baby on Breaking Bad. Howard said that they could have a meth addict pregnant and giving birth to Eric. Howard said people would stop doing meth if they saw that.
Eric said he would play a math teacher on Modern Family and he'd get the hots for Manny's mom. Howard asked Eric if he will vote for Obama or Romney. Eric said he's a democrat so he'd vote for Obama. Howard asked if crippled people are allowed to vote. Eric said they are. He said felons can't vote but he can.
Howard wondered how little people vote. Eric said he does an absentee ballot. Eric asked if he had any prize money. Howard said he doesn't think they do. Howard said they do have money for Javier his fan. Javier asked if Howard thinks it would be funny at all to pit Eric against him in a trivia contest about Eric. Javier said he thinks it would be funny if he knew more than Eric.
JD came in and said that Eric is doing the block party this weekend so he's getting paid for it. Howard asked if that's true. Eric said he is. Eric thanked JD for that. Howard asked Gary if they can put together a quick 5 question contest for Eric and Javier. Gary said they have some money but he's not sure what kind of contest. Howard said they ask Eric about his appearances and see who can answer more questions. Gary said he'll see if he can work on the game during the break. Howard said he'll see if he can put something together. Eric wanted to promote something but Robin said it's not a good time to promote after he's bored everyone. Howard went to break a short time later.
JD came in and said that it was RadarOnline.com that said Dr. Phil paid her. Howard said he yells at her like he didn't pay her.
Howard said Dr. Drew said something about Chris Brown and Rihanna and how there really is no bad guy there. Howard said he thinks it was in the paper today. JD said that Drew says he doesn't fault either person. Howard said he can't believe that. Howard said Chris Brown beat her up. He said you don't beat up a girl. Robin said he's saying that women don't leave fast enough so the guys have no excuse but to hit them. Howard said the guy who beat up the woman is a piece of shit. He said he doesn't see any circumstance where that's okay. Howard said he might beat up a woman if she stole his kid or something. Robin said you don't beat her up for saying the wrong thing. Howard said she's right. Howard said he faults someone in that case.
Howard asked Gary if they had the game ready yet. Gary said they are ready. Howard said they only have 3 questions but they had to do it on short notice.
Gary came in and Howard got Eric and Javier back on the phone. Howard said he wanted to do this quickly so they could end it. Howard said they're playing for a $500 prize from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard said they have 3 questions. Howard went to Eric the Actor first and asked him ''In Eric's first phone call to the show who were the top 2 chicks he would masturbate to?'' Eric said one was Beverly Mitchell. Howard said he had to stop him there because he was taking too long. Javier said that's a tough one and he'll say one is Pam Anderson. Gary said it's Beverly Mitchell and Britney Spears. They were both wrong.
Howard said it's Javier's turn now. Gary asked ''Who were the three celebrities in studio when Eric made his only in studio appearance in 2008?'' Javier said it was Diana DeGarmo, Natalie Maines and that wrestler. Javier wasn't able to remember the guy's name. Howard asked Eric who they were. Eric said it was Kurt Angle and the other two. He was right.
Howard moved on to the final question and had Gary asked Eric the question. Gary asked '''What TV job did Eric turn down because he felt it was too satanic.'' Eric said it was the animated cartoon on the Cartoon Network. He didn't remember the name of the show. Howard said that's incorrect. Javier was up next and he didn't remember the name either. Gary said Eric gave the name of the network but he was incorrect. Howard said this game is screwed up. Gary said Sal and Richard did it during the break. He said they only had 4 minutes. Howard said Sal is an idiot. Eric said he was correct. The cartoon was on the Cartoon Network. Sal said that's not correct. Eric said that he's right. Gary said the answer is Adult Swim. Eric said that show is on the Cartoon Network. Howard said he hates Sal, he hates Eric and hates Javier. Howard said he should have given up the whole thing when Eric asked for money.
Howard said Sal is an idiot. Sal told the guys that he just got the information and it was all documented as being a show. Howard said Adult Swim is a network. Sal said it was the Cartoon Network. He said the show is on the Cartoon network. Howard said that it had nothing to do with the network. Sal said that it was the show that he turned down. Howard and Gary said that it's not a show, it's a network. Howard said Sal is an idiot. Sal said that this is a specific quote. Howard said Sal has no idea what he's even saying to him. Sal kept arguing because he refused to hear that Adult Swim is a network that shares space with the Cartoon Network.
Howard said he was up there talking for close to half an hour and going through everything. About 20 minutes in he said maybe Sal wants to do this... and then realized Sal wasn't there. Howard said he was 25 minutes into this thing and Sal wasn't there. Howard said everyone was there except Sal. Howard said with that Sal comes running in the room. Howard said he asked Sal what was going on. Sal told him he was making a phony phone call to a McDonald's in Libya. Howard said this guy is there all morning and after the meeting. Howard said he needed him there at 11 and everyone else knew. Howard said he didn't want to berate him in front of everyone but his answer was absurd. Howard said that McDonald's isn't going anywhere.
Gary said he has information from Jon Leiberman who said that Sal didn't know where the meeting was. Sal said he ran out and he panicked. Gary said they all frantically came in there and ran to the meeting. He asked why he made the phone call. Sal said he messed up and there is no excuse.
Howard said that Sal fucked up. Eric said that he wanted to explain what this Adult Swim is. He said that it is on the Cartoon Network. It's a block of shows that's called Adult Swim. Howard said it goes beyond that. Howard asked how Sal missed that meeting yesterday. Howard said he has a meeting that's really important and he misses it. Howard said he was done talking and Sal showed up. Howard said he thinks that Sal did this on purpose. Sal said he's nuts.
Howard said if he told Sal that a woman was going to blow him and piss on him in that conference room at 11 he would have been there. Sal said he got caught up in the call. Gary said Sal is almost late to every Tuesday meeting they have. Sal said that's not true. Gary and Howard both said that it is true. Sal said he is never late to anything. Howard said he must have OCD or something. Sal said he has a little bit of that. Sal said he's on time all the time. He wasn't there on time yesterday. Howard said he heard he was late to work the other day too. Sal said that's not true either.
Gary said that Sal may have dozed off during the meeting yesterday. Sal said he did not. He said he would not do something like that. Sal said he was late and he's sorry about that. Howard said he's such a con man. Sal asked how he's a con man.
Howard said the phone call was good at least. Gary said that Sal was late to the most important meeting of Howard's career at Sirius.
Howard said he has to figure out what to do with Eric and Javier. Gary said he has two more questions or they can give them both $500. Howard said he'd love that. Howard thanked Gary for coming up with the 500 bucks. Howard said it's all because of Sal's fuck up.
Sal read his question again and said there wasn't a problem with it. The question was ''What job did Eric turn down because it was too satanic?'' Howard said it wasn't a job, it was a network. Eric said that Adult Swim is on the Cartoon Network and it's not one particular show. Howard said he has to get out of this.
Howard said that he had to blow all of this money because of this. Javier said it's all his fault. Howard said it really is. He thanked Steven Singer for bailing him out on this.
Ronnie came in and said he knows that Sal was sleeping. Sal said he was not sleeping. Ronnie said another guy saw him sleeping. Howard said that Sal is a big shot and he just falls asleep. Sal said he did not fall asleep. He said he would never do that.
Howard said Sal really is an idiot. He said he really doesn't know anything. Gary said he has a good example. He said that Sal had a melanoma on his ass. Howard said this is great. He said they were talking about skin cancer and Sal was talking about tanning and he thinks that sitting in the sun isn't tanning. Howard said then they asked Sal what he thinks caused his cancer and he thinks that the paintball that hit him in the ass is what caused the cancer. Sal said there could have been carcinogens in the paint. Sal said he got hit there twice and there was paint in that hole. Howard said it's because he went to the tanning booths and tanned without his clothes on. Gary asked Sal if the doctor told him that. Sal said he doesn't know what the doctor said.
Howard said Sal also used those electronic cigarettes that had poison in them. Sal said he stopped that. Howard pointed out the helmet he was using to grow hair too. Gary said that's out. Sal's wife didn't like that so he's stopped using it. Howard played a song parody that Richard put together about Sal growing his hair back with a light.
Sal said that his wife didn't tell him not to use it. He said she just pointed out that Howard was right about it. He was wearing a hat today so Howard asked what was up with that. Sal said he's afraid of light hitting his follicles.
Gary came in with a story he had from the internet where a guy got shot with a paintball and it exposed that he had cancer. The paintball didn't cause cancer.
Howard told Eric and Javier that they won $500. Eric said he will be at both of Ronnie's Block Parties this weekend. He is also on a show called TNA Today making predictions. Howard said he can't believe that happened. Eric said he starts in a couple of weeks doing that. Howard wished Eric a Happy Anniversary and put him on hold.
Howard played Sal's phony phone call to the Libyan McDonald's. Sal called and asked if they were going to burn down that place because a KFC was burned down in Lebanon. In the call Sal asked if they were on fire yet. The guy who answered said he doesn't know anything about the KFC burning. Sal asked if he has burned the American flag. The guy said they did because of the movie about Mohammed. Sal asked if the Jews were to blame for this. The guy said they are. Sal asked if they want America to stay and help Libya. The guy said he does want them to stay. Sal asked if he will be safe coming there to eat. The guy said they don't want to burn down any restaurant. They told Sal he would be safe there. Sal asked if the Jews would be safe. The guy said no.
Howard said he loves that call for a lot of reasons. Howard asked Sal why he had an accent. Sal said he just wanted to make them feel comfortable. Howard said the best observation is that there is always a woman yapping away in the background. Howard said that's universal. Howard said they had to make sure they got the word ''devils'' out right when they described the Jews. Howard said they want help over there but then they burn and kill our ambassador over a stupid movie no one is going to see.
Sal said it was weird that they burn the flag but then he doesn't want to destroy the restaurant. Howard said there was a story about a flag burning and some guy took a breath of the smoke and died. Robin said that it was someone in Islamabad. Robin read a story about that flag burning and what happened to the guy. Howard said he's glad the surgeon general didn't put any warnings on flags about inhaling the smoke when you burn them.
Howard said he loves the logic of burning down your own country because you're mad at the United States. Howard said that would be like being mad at Jay Leno and punching himself in the face. Howard said they're blowing themselves up over this movie. Howard said they have unusually high levels of violence and mayhem going on over there. Howard said they will eventually return to a regular level of violence and mayhem eventually. Howard wondered if that's crazier than wearing a helmet on your head to grow your hair back.
Howard said he was reading that Jeff Probst's new TV show is going to be canceled already. Howard said he hopes they give the guy a chance. He said he's a good dude. Robin said he's not doing the usual baby daddy stories. Howard said maybe he should. He said he'd do whatever he had to do to keep a show like that.
Howard said he heard that Sal's hair helmet could blind you if you looked at the lights. Sal said he did look at it for a second accidentally and he almost did get blinded. Sal said some women in Las Vegas went blind when they jumped in a pool that had toxic chemicals in it.
Howard said he can't imagine running a McDonald's in Libya. He said it's almost like a Sacha Baron Cohen movie.
Debbie was going off on Mariann from Brooklyn and Eric the Actor for getting so much air time. Howard said they gave her the AGT tickets last week and she was so grateful. He said that this is her illness. He said she needs help and medication.
Howard asked Debbie if she took her medication. Debbie was screaming and not listening. Howard said he can calm her in 2 seconds. Howard said he loves her very much and thinks she's great. Debbie started crying. She said that he said something nice. Howard said he hopes this isn't the last time she calls in. Howard said she looks good with the new hair cut. Howard said he thinks that she's adorable. Debbie got wound up again and started screaming again. Howard said he had her calm. He tried again and told Debbie that she looks good. Howard said he's so glad she's a part of the show. Debbie broke down crying again. Then Howard told her he had to get going and she started screaming again.
Howard said today was tough to get her calmed down. He had to hang up on her. Howard said she calls Shuli like 7 times a day now. Howard said she hates Mariann because they're nice to her. Robin said that Mariann has put in so much time though. Debbie doesn't want to put the time in.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has to play some Dr. Phil audio clips with Dina Lohan. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked what song that was. He wasn't able to listen. Fred said that it was Jungleland and Howard said that one does go on for a while. He said he's not even sure what that song is about. Howard said that he would write something that makes sense. Howard said Billy Joel told them that his lyrics just screw up his own songs.
Howard said that one of his buddies was telling him that the $18 million poker winner probably got 18 percent of that money. Robin said he kind of hinted that he got about $4 million. Howard said even if he got 3.5 he still did pretty good. Howard said that's not a bad take.
Howard said he has to compliment the new cast of Saturday Night Live. Howard said there's a new black guy on the show and he doesn't know his name. Howard said there are two black guys on the show now. Howard said he doesn't know the white people's names either. Howard said he just got a note saying that it's Jay Farrow. Howard said they must have worked on the show all summer making the show funny. He said this guy Jay does a great Obama impression.
Howard said there's another guy who has dark hair who is really funny. Howard said this guy does a sketch where they're in a puppetry class and he does this war reenactment. Robin said that was Bill Hader. Howard said that's who it is. Robin said that she runs into him once in a while because he lives in her building. She said he always averts his eyes. She said it's like he's afraid of everything. Howard said Robin knows how to work her charm. She should be able to make that happen.
Howard said he hasn't laughed that hard at anything in a really long time. Howard said that sketch was so great. Howard said Robin should say hello to him. Robin said she heard that he likes horror films and sci-if stuff and she's into that too. Howard said there isn't a minute in her apartment when she's not watching that stuff. Howard said that she plays it really loud when he's there. Robin said she turned everything off this last time.
Howard said he got a note from David Arquette and he sent along a picture of his art. Howard said he's a good artist. Howard said he couldn't figure out why he sent it along but then he realized that he wanted to be one of the guys to paint Bam Margera's girlfriend. Robin said they should have art submissions and have some people come in. Howard said he's thinking of having Bam bring his girl in so they can sketch her for 3 hours for $400. Howard said he doubled her fee. Howard said they're going to sketch her but they won't really do that. They're just going to stare at her. Howard said they'll make themselves look busy.
Howard said they will also have 3 wack packers in to paint her and whoever does it the best will win. Howard said he's afraid that they'll be beating off in their smocks. He said they will have some big money for the winner. Robin said that's a good reason to have Gary the Retard in the studio. Howard said his name is on the list. Howard said Mark the Bagger and Big Foot were also mentioned. Howard said Vincent Van Beetle will be there too.
Howard said maybe they can get Bill Hader in there. He asked Fred if he still watches SNL. Fred said he didn't see SNL this week. Howard said this week's show was really great with Seth McFarlane on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bill was nominated for an Emmy. Howard said that he hasn't laughed that hard in a long time. Gary said he also does a character where he's an old guy in the news field who refuses to retire. Gary said he really is very funny.
Howard said Tim grabbed a pile of cookies and ate them in record time. Howard said he thinks that you have to eat in record time to keep on the move.
Gary said last week they almost had a mutiny. He said that they had a meeting last week and some people wanted to move the meeting because they weren't going to be able to eat. Howard said they should bring a bag lunch or eat at 10:30. Howard said that way he doesn't miss a meal.
Howard said he did tell Tim to get some sandwiches for the meeting. Gary didn't know that. Jason came in and said that they had some great cookies. He said Ben's mom had those Rolo candies baked into the cookies.
Howard asked Tim what happened to the sandwiches. Tim said that they spent the money on the conference room. Tim also said he only took 4 cookies. Howard said this is why he's fat. Tim said he's a guy. He said he works too much. He said he works all day and doesn't get home until 8 or 9 at night. He said maybe he should leave at 2 like everyone else. He said he'll go out and do his thing like they do.
Howard said if Tim had passed up those four cookies he'd be thinner. Howard said he should bring some fruit or something. Tim said he's not perfect. Howard said he's not either. Tim said all he had was a cup of tea for breakfast this morning. Howard said he should have egg whites. Tim said he's going to go get some now. Howard said he's not sure why he's acting the way he is. He said he could send his assistant out to get him food. Howard asked if he's having a nervous breakdown. Tim said he's very busy, that's it.
Howard said Tim has lunch meetings almost every day. Tim said he doesn't really. He said he will go to lunch with Will and Jimmy. Howard said he shouldn't be going out to lunch so much. Howard said Tim says he never leaves there but he goes out to lunch. Howard said it's no wonder he's fucking fat.
Howard told Tim not to say that he works too much. Howard said that he went to lunch with Jason and the AGT people for two hours. Tim said he wasn't there for more than an hour. He said he had a salad for lunch. Howard said that salad probably had more calories than a sandwich.
Robin told him to keep a food diary. Tim said he'll do that on his phone. He asked if Howard had the new iPhone yet. Howard said he gets his on Friday. Tim ordered two. He said he should have them on Saturday. Tim said he doesn't know which one he'll like better. Gary asked if he bought them at full price. Tim said he did. He said it's like $1,200. Robin said it's not top of the line then. Robin said they're $800 if you get the 64 gig. Tim said his was $1,200.
Howard said Tim should listen to him about his diet. Tim said he does. Howard said this is why he shit so much in the bathroom. Tim said he was sick that day. Howard said it's from eating. Tim asked if he can go back to work. Howard said he can go back to work. He told him to come in there and show him what he needs to show him.
Howard let Tim go and played a phony phone call the guys made to a restaurant using Tim Sabean audio clips. After the call they went to break.
Howard came back and talked about what a great singer Mark is. He said he's so good. Howard wondered if he was singing about dressing a boy in frilly clothes. Robin said she thinks it was a boy.
Howard said Wolfie went out and did some interviews at a video game event. Howard said this new Madden football video game came out and that's like the big thing that people are into these days. Howard said when Madden 13 came out it was a big deal. Howard said you learn a lot of interesting stuff.
In one interview Wolfie asked a guy if he uses racial slurs when his player screws up. The guy said he does use the N-word. Wolfie asked if whites or blacks are better players. The guy said it's the whites. He said they're more strategic. Howard said he didn't know there was racism in video games.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy who asked if whites or blacks are better at the game. This guy said that it was the blacks. That guy also thinks that Michael Vick is a guy to look up to in the game.
Howard said it sounds like you have to know the game to play. Robin said you do and you're basically coaching in the game.
Howard played another interview where Wolfie asked a guy about his playing and how long he's played straight. That guy said he played 12 hours once. Howard said that's a long time to be playing a game. The guy said he wasn't able to make honor roll because he missed too many days of school. Wolfie asked if the game or Kwanzaa is more important. The guy said that it's the game.
Howard said that Wolfie went to a naked bike race too. Howard said they do a naked bike race every year and you expect to see attractive people but they're really not. Howard played one clip where Wolfie asked a woman what was so great about being naked. The woman said she felt free and liberated being naked. Howard said she sounds cute but you know she probably looks like Tim Sabean. Wolfie asked the woman if she felt this would hurt her professional career. She said it wouldn't at all.
Another woman said she heard that a guy crashed his bike and his genitals got stuck in the wheel. Howard and Robin cringed at that.
Howard read some email about Lisa Lampanelli. He said some people didn't like her. He said that one guy didn't like the way she acted on Celebrity Apprentice. Howard said some people were calling her cruel. Howard read one where the guy said that it showed how truly crazy she really is. The writer said that she will eventually eat herself back to her planetary size even though she can't do that after her stomach surgery. Howard said that was brutal. He said he doesn't think that guy likes Lisa.
Howard read an email about Sal's baldness cure. Someone suggested that he rub chicken manure or Richard's man goo in his hair. Howard said some people wrote in about how crazy Scott DePace sounds when he's talking about that Matt Taibi article about Mitt Romney.
Howard and Scott went back and forth arguing about the Leveraged Buy Out thing for a few seconds. Howard said he didn't want to go through the whole thing again. Howard said that Scott is so against anything that questions his beliefs. Howard said he has an open mind and Scott doesn't.
Howard played some clips from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Scott talked about that whole thing with Jon Hein. Howard said that Scott won't vote Democrat for President ever. Howard said he's sticking to party lines no matter what. Scott said that's right. He said he has voted locally for Democrats though.
Howard played more of the clip and had to stop after about 2 seconds because of the way Scott was talking about him reading this article like that was a bad idea. Howard tried arguing with Scott about President Bush and how things fell apart while he was in office. Scott said things were good while he was in. Robin said it was good until it all fell apart because of the bullshit that was going on.
Howard said that Bush put us in an illegal war and bankrupted this country. Howard said that Bush cut taxes and that doesn't cure an economy. Howard said people abuse Wall Street and the stock market and that's what happens when there are no regulations in place. Howard said they have a government for a reason. He said people are corrupt and we need intervention from the government.
Howard and Scott were going back and forth about Bush and Clinton and how they were and weren't invited to the RNC and DNC. Howard said Scott's head is glowing from being close to that equipment.
Fred and Scott got into it for a few seconds too. Howard had to cut them off because they were talking about something that went on with Gary's dad and his health insurance.
Howard said Scott is such a party zealot that he won't vote against party lines. Howard asked if he watches Sons of Anarchy. Scott said no. Howard said whatever those guys do when they're in their outfits is good. He said that's what Scott is like. He doesn't care if it's good or bad, it's all good as long as it's republican.
Howard said he's got some conservative things in his life and he thinks that he's pretty conservative overall. He said that doesn't mean he's going to vote republican every single time. Howard said he believes in affirmative action too. Howard asked Scott if he's for it or against it. Scott said it's not that simple. Howard asked what his answer was. Scott said it had its place but you have to slow down a policy like that to keep people in their place.
Howard and Robin were going back and forth with Scott. Howard said he doesn't want to argue politics with him. He said he thinks Scott fell on his head. Fred said that's how he lost his hair. Fred and Scott got into it again for a few seconds after that came up. Howard tried to stop it but Fred and Scott continued to argue.
Jason came in and told Howard to read the article Scott sent to him. He said the article is idiotic. Jason said that 99 percent of it is opinion and the guy is saying that Matt Taibi is a communist and things like that. Robin said that's exactly the way Scott argues. Jason said there are no facts in the article. Scott said there are facts in there. He mentioned some facts about Bain Capital that were in there. Jason said he's never read an article so long that said absolutely nothing. Robin said she'd like to read that too.
Scott said he hates Jason. He said he's a douche bag and somewhere along the line he was handed a bad deal and now he's a douche bag.
Howard said Romney is one of those guys who went out and protested in favor of the Vietnam War but then went to France to avoid the draft. Scott asked what Obama did. Fred said Obama was a little young for that.
Howard said he protested the war because he didn't want to go. Howard said he wouldn't have gone because he saw how retarded the war was. Howard said Romney went out and said the war was a good thing and then avoided the draft. Howard said ''fuck you'' to him. Robin said this guy pretends he has compassion for people but he doesn't.
Howard said they're supposed to be talking about dick jokes and farting. Robin said they should be talking about Bill Hader too. Howard said they had better do news. He said he wanted to be done with the news by now. He said Scott has him worn out.
Howard said his dad loves to talk politics. He said he would argue with his friends and lecture them. Howard said he thought it was such a waste of time. Gary said the only place he argues politics is here at work. Scott said it's the same for him. Howard said it's exhausting. Howard said he's not sure who he's trying to help. He said that it's a waste of time. Gary said he thinks it would be weird if his wife voted for Romney. He said he thinks that she's with him on this vote.
Howard said that Beth has said that she would have a kid no matter what if she got knocked up. Howard said she'd have it even if it was retarded. Howard said he was shocked by that. Gary said that's why Howard uses condoms. Robin said she wouldn't get an abortion either. She said that she told friends in school that if she was ever seen on the side of a building getting ready to jump then it's probably because she's pregnant.
Robin said she used to love babies. Howard said he thinks Robin would be a good mother when the child turns 43. Robin said she loves babies for a little while and then she has to give them back. Howard said he doesn't think he could handle a kid like that. Howard said Beth watches that show where they have the conjoined twins and she thinks they look happy. Howard said Beth would have a baby no matter what. Gary said he thinks it's the insane catholic upbringing that pounds that stuff into your head. Howard said they will fuck with you.
Howard said if he had a 2 headed baby then it would be great for the show. Robin said Howard would never reveal that. Howard said she's probably right. Howard said he'd have to make people sign a document saying that they can't talk about it. Fred did a Kennedy impression and talked about a 2 headed kid that they could have had. Howard and Fred talked about the Kennedy they had labotomized because she masturbated in public. Howard did his Kennedy impression a little bit while talking about that.
The guys talked about how they did the lobotomy with a needle through her eye socket. Howard said they just wanted to get rid of her masturbation but they turned her full retard. They had some fun talking about that before Howard went to break.
Robin started off the news reading about Matt Lauer taking over the Today Show because they're being beaten by Good Morning America. Robin said they say he's like an executive producer lately. Robin said they might be positioning him to take the blame if the whole thing goes down. Howard said Ann Curry must love this after being told she's going to be fired. JD said they sent Ann Curry over to one of those crazy countries where they're rioting. Howard said they must send her there hoping she'll refuse and quit.
Robin read about the Jerry Sandusky child molestation case and how an 18 year old has written a book about his experiences.
Robin read a story about how there's a piece of papyrus that says that Jesus may have had a wife. Robin said that the catholic church has always based their beliefs on how Jesus didn't have a wife. That's why priests aren't allowed to have sex or get married. Robin said they say that at that time it would have been very unusual for a Jewish man not to be married. Robin said people didn't live that long back then. Howard said he heard the chick was so hot that she modeled. Howard said the Catholics allowed priests to marry for a long time. Then they stopped it. Robin said she knows where were married Popes. She said she's not sure it was allowed for everyone. Howard said they're not experts. They're just guessing at this stuff.
Robin read about how a woman got the plague when she saved a choking cat. Robin said it's actually two people who tried helping the cat. Robin said the cat bit one of the people. Robin said that the cat was a stray that was choking when these people found it. Howard said Beth would probably jump in and do something like that. Howard said she's an animal rescuer. He said she rescued a bird just the other day. Howard said Beth jumps right in and helps. Robin said when she was in Peru they ran over a dog and they just kept driving. Robin said she had no control over the car so she couldn't do anything even if she wanted. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about Tim Tebow and how he might run for political office when he's done with football. Robin said he has a very good PR team. Robin said that he's said he will consider it one day and it's not in his plans right now. Howard wondered what ever happened to just being a dumb jock. Robin said that's out now. She said there are no more stupid people.
Robin mentioned that Underdog Lady lost part of her colon because of a cat bite. Robin said she tells her cats not to bite her. Howard said he was over at her apartment and her cat was trying to nest in his hair. Robin said that was Leon who loves hair. Howard said the cat may have thought his hair looked like another cat. Robin said maybe that's it.
Robin read a story about a French magazine that's going to print a Mohammed cartoon and they're warning people about it. Howard said ''Oh no.'' Howard said maybe they should put the prophet Mohammed in every movie and those countries would burn themselves to the ground. Howard played a Godfather clip where they inserted a clip of JD saying ''Prophet Mohammed.'' Howard played a clip from Planet of the Apes and a James Bond movie where they did the same thing. Howard said that was Dr. No. Howard wondered if they would riot over that. Robin said they would.
Ralph called in and said they have a lot going on with GEEKTIME this week. He said they have Michael Chicklis and the guy who played Bones in the latest Star Trek. Howard thanked him and hung up. Howard said he's trying to get out of there and he's calling in with plugs.
Robin read about the people who have died in riots based on that online movie that parodies Mohammed. Howard said they should put him in every single movie and see what they do. Howard said he's hoping they do themselves in and they'll rid the world of their problems. Howard said the angrier they get the more they want to kill themselves. Robin said maybe that's the way we should fight these people since we can't figure out any other way. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a Florida man who was arrested for having sex with a miniature donkey. Robin said that this guy was 31 years old and a witness spotted him up against the rear of the donkey having sex with it. Howard said he makes sure no one sees him when he masturbates. He said you'd think he'd do that while fucking a donkey. Robin said this guy had his shirt off and his pants down. The guy who witnessed it was delivering a horse to the farm. Howard said he can't imagine being sexually attracted to a donkey. Robin said this guy uses his fingers and saliva to clean the donkey's clitoris. Robin said the guy claims that he just likes the feel of the fur on his genitals and his testicles may have come in contact with the vagina accidentally. Robin said his bail is set at $2,000. Howard said they should bail him out so they'd be the most unliked people around.
Robin read about some women in Sweden who got a uterus transplant from their mother. Robin said one of the women lost her uterus to cancer and the other was born without. Robin said they're not sure if the surgery was successful yet. They're going to do in vitro fertilization to see if they can get pregnant. That led to Howard doing and impression of his mom talking about giving him her uterus.
Robin read about Patrick Stewart who played Captain Picard on Star Trek. Howard said he was in X-Men too. He said he played Dr. X. Robin said it's Dr. Xavier. Howard said he wears a helmet like Sal. Robin said that was Magneto, not Dr. Xavier. Howard said that's right. Robin asked what's wrong with him. Howard said he must be losing it. Robin said that Stewart moved to Brooklyn and he called to get Time Warner cable TV and he can't get it. Robin said he called and called and didn't get what he wanted. Robin said he put in 36 hours of calls and never got his service. Robin said they're awful and she can't get her cable to work right. She said that they've always been a problem.
Robin read about how today is a day where you're not supposed to take a pledge not to text and drive. Howard said he doesn't know who doesn't know that's a bad idea. Howard said he saw a guy making out with Mila Kunis while texting. He said he would never do that either. Robin had some audio of someone promoting this pledge. Howard read a live commercial a short time later.
Howard and Robin were talking about adopting kids and how they'd love to adopt kids who are very gifted in the sports world.
Robin read about a baseball player who used this eye black stuff and wrote some anti-gay words in the black. Robin said it said ''you are a faggot'' in Spanish. Robin said that he's been suspended from 3 games because of that. Robin said the guy had no good explanation for what he did.
Robin read about a guy who is part of the ''Stand up for Kids'' organization who was arrested for child molestation. Howard said he feels bad for guys who want to help kids out. He said people must look at you sideways because they all think you're a perv. Howard said it has to be rough. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about this case.
Robin read a story about people doing gender selection when they get pregnant and people actually prefer daughters. Howard guessed it was boys but Robin said he was wrong. Howard said daughter was his second guess. Robin read about the cost of the procedure being $18,000. Robin said that it's often used to balance the family out. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon said that Robin also talked about Robin talking about wanting to meet Bill Hader. Jason said he'd like to meet him too. Jon said that Sal was there so they'll talk about what happened with him today.
Jon said Sal put together the Eric the Actor game during the break. Jon stopped and asked Sal why he was smoking that thing. He had an electronic cigarette. Jason said this is what he's talking about. Sal said it's helping him relax.
Jon asked Sal what the question was that got him in trouble. Sal said that it was ''What job on TV did Eric turn down because it was too satanic.'' Sal said he went on MarksFriggin.com to get the information. He said he took the direct quote from the site. Jason asked why he said that he fucked up the log. Sal said he did not do that. He said he never said that. Jason said he thought he did.
Sal said he took the exact quote from MarksFriggin and it was too vague. He said he used that to write the question. Gary said he's guessing that what happened is that they didn't know what Adult Swim was. Gary said that's when he started doubting himself. Gary said that it's not a show, it's a block of shows. Gary said he would have given it to him if he had said Cartoon Network.
Sal said that he doesn't know how to say this guy Javier's name. He said that it's either Javier or Xavier. Sal said that this thing was explained in the way the question was written. Sal said that's how it was quoted on MarksFriggin. Gary said he put it on there correctly. Sal said that's how it was said so he went with that.
Jason told Sal that it may have been said that way on the air but he has to get it more specific. Sal said that it was documented as Adult Swim in the quote. Jon said he thinks it should have been the roll that he turned down.
Jon said that the other thing they talked about was Sal showing up late to the meeting because of that prank call he made. Jon asked Sal what he was doing between 11 and 11:25 yesterday. Sal said he forgot. Gary said that's not what he said today or even at the meeting. Sal said he looked up at 11:20 and realized he was late. He was caught up in the prank call. Gary said he's lying. Sal said he's not lying. He said he knew they had a meeting that day. He said he just forgot at that moment. The guys were all laughing at what he was saying about that.
Sal said he looked up and saw it was 11:20 and he realized he was late. Gary said that they were all there doing the Wrap Up Show and they all went to the meeting. Sal said he went back to his office and did some work and then realized he was late. Sal said he was in his own little world.
Jason asked Sal what broke down in their system that made him forget. Sal said he just forgot. Gary said he didn't tell Howard that. Sal said that he's right. Gary said he's going to get in more trouble for this now. Sal said he was busy cutting up a prank call. Gary said that it would be weird if he hit someone in a car while getting a blow job and then leaving that out of the story. Sal said he forgot about the meeting and then worked on the prank call and forgot that it had started already.
Gary said everyone was running to the meeting right after the show. Sal said he knows but he was trying to get some work done. Gary said that they know Sal works hard but he's using that as an excuse. He said Tim Sabean does the same thing. Sal said he ran down the hall and went to the bathroom and he lost his pen. He said that he ran back to his office to get the pen and he got yelled at. Gary said that's because he was talking to him and all of a sudden he wasn't there. They had to go to break after that.
Gary asked if the story has less credibility because it's Sal. Jon said probably yeah. He said he didn't see what Ronnie saw. Gary said they should also talk about the bigger story. He said that Ronnie may have seen 5 or 6 people asleep in there. Ronnie said that this is Leiberman's fault.
Jason said that he saw one guy sleeping and he's one guy who isn't on the air. Jason said they had this computer system running and he was going to point that person out on the screen since they were using his computer.
Ronnie said a lot of people were making bathroom runs instead of sleeping. Jon said that may have had to do with the lack of food there. Jason said they were there for 3 hours. He said that doing a 4 hour radio show and then doing a 3 hour meeting they should have had food there. Gary said his eyes were getting heavy and he was hungry too.
Jon said Tim said he spent the money on the room instead of food. Gary thought he was being sarcastic. Jon said he didn't think he was joking. Jason asked why they have to pay for that room to begin with. Scott said they don't own that room. Gary said that he's not sure there's a big cost in using it. He said you'd think that paying rent would get use of some of the amenities. Jason said he didn't see anyone they really know sleeping. Ronnie said he did. He didn't want to say who it was.
Jon asked who it was that saw Tim eating the cookies. Jason swore it wasn't him. Gary asked if Howard saw it. Jason said it probably was Howard. He said he did get a note from him about the cookies. He said that Gary saw him eating a couple and Howard saw him eating more. Leiberman said that he had a hand full of cookies and he doesn't hide it.
Jon asked about the way Tim reacted today to the whole thing. Gary said he got very defensive and he understands that. He said Tim gets more defensive when he's embarrassed. Gary said when Tim brought up his work and how he works harder than anyone else it was a big deflection.
Benjy said most fat people know how to lose weight. Benjy said that he knows eating right is the best way to lose weight. Gary said that eating less and exercising more is the way to lose weight.
Tim showed up so Jon asked what was going on today. Tim said he's going to defend himself. He said it's not an international incident. Gary said that they're just talking about bringing up his work ethic. He said they know he works hard. Gary said he was saying that he works hard so don't question it.
Tim said that a lot of things have changed around there and they're doing a lot of work. He said when he lost his weight with Robin's friend Dr. Roni he said he had a lot more help.
Tim said he's a grabber and he just grabs food when it's around. He said he doesn't eat right. Jason said that Will is very busy there but he eats right. That's how he stays thin. Jason and Tim talked about the types of cookies and how good they were. Jason was raving about the Rolo cookies.
Tim said he thought the meeting was going to go an hour or so. He said he had no idea it was going to go 3 hours. He said it took a lot of focus to follow it. Gary said that they could have had food there. Tim said that they did have water.
Jon asked Tim how he thought the meeting went. Tim said it went great and he thinks that it's going to take a lot of work to make this new system work.
Jon asked what his plans are for the weight thing. Tim said he's going to force himself to go to the gym every day. He said he needs to get out of there to clear his head once in a while anyway.
Benjy asked if he eats when he's really hungry or just when he wants to eat. Benjy said he eats even when he's not hungry. Tim said he's right and he probably does that too. Gary said he might need a therapist instead of a diet.
Ronnie said everyone thinks that Tim is going to have a breakdown. Tim said it's very hectic there. He said he lives and breathes this whole thing and they have a big staff. He said he's at their mercy. Jason said he is a good boss and they don't want him to fall apart. Ronnie said he's going to blow his engine. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Scott said he thinks that they give Howard the clip and tell him what he says and then he plays it and gives him a hard time. Jon said that's not the way it goes down. They give Howard the clip and he forms his own opinions on it.
Scott said all he was trying to say is that the whole thing with that Rolling Stone article is that it's more complicated than they make it out to be. He said that the article made it seem like the money just disappears and that's not the case. Gary said Howard may have read more than one article about it. He said he knows Howard did. Scott said that the whole thing is very complicated and they don't know that much about finance at all there.
Benjy said they tend to point out that Scott doesn't know this stuff. Gary said that Scott claims that he knows more about it more than they do when he really doesn't.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks he's smarter than Howard is. Scott said no. He said Howard is a better communicator than he is. He said that Howard might be right there at his 120 IQ but he really doesn't know. He said you can't really tell. Scott said they should have him take the test and take it from there. He said it's really not a barometer for anything. Gary said Scott went nuts when he beat him by one point in the IQ test. Scott said it was a competition so of course he did.
Gary asked if Mitt Romney knew what the ''They Call Me Baba Romney'' joke meant when he read the top 10 list on the show. Rob said they probably did have to explain that to him. Rob also talked about the time that President Bush used one of the staff members sweaters to clean his glasses during a break on the show.
Jon asked Rob about working with Dave and how he compares to Howard. Rob said he thinks that both of them are the very best at what they do. He said that they have a lot of overlap too. He said it's hard for the host to be bigger than most guests and Dave is one of those guys that guests look up to. Rob said he loves Howard when he comes on the show. He said that it's great when he comes on and just sits down to talk to Dave. He said it's the best the show gets.
Jon asked Rob if he would ever want to swap places with anyone there. Rob said he's not sure he could do the job. He said he thinks Gary is one of the most underrated talents in producing. He said he's said that to Howard and Howard disagrees. Rob said he was just kidding about that.
Gary said he has always looked up to Rob and he is one of the few guys he would call to ask what to do in a sticky situation. He said they sort of work for the same guy and they can talk about stuff like that. Gary said he feels good about that. Rob said he thinks that their show is like packing a cannon really tight and shooting it off because it's only one hour. He said what they do with Howard's show is even better because they do it for 4 hours.
Gary said that Rob has a new movie out called We Made This Movie (WeMadeThisMovie.com). Rob said it opens this Friday night. They spent a few seconds talking about that before they had to end the show. They were done around 11:15am.
In the clip Howard's mom, Ray, called into the show and said that she can't make the book signing because she's going to be away. She asked him to reschedule to the weekend after. Howard said he can't just do that. Howard asked why everyone is involved in his life. Howard said if she can't come by it's not a big deal. Ray said she wants to be there.
Howard said that he has to get this done quick before he does his movie. Ray said that he's going to do the book signing on the 29th. Ray said he should do it on the 29th instead of the 22nd. Howard said they've already started promoting it. Ray said she wants to be there to watch. Howard said he just wants to do it and get it over with. He said he had no idea she was going away and this isn't up to him. Howard said he'll call the book company and ask but if they don't do it then it's not up to him. Ray said they have people coming in from out of town and they're going away with them. She said that his father will be upset too.
Howard wondered why everyone gets so excited. Howard said all he's going to be doing is signing some paperbacks. Billy West started doing an impression of Ray and Ray asked who that was. Howard said he didn't know. He kept that up for a minute. Ray asked if that was an echo in there.
Howard said this is becoming a whole big thing. He wasn't looking to make a big deal out of it. Robin said they're not going to get in the way. Howard said he's sure Robin will have her family at her book signing. Ray said she'll come out for that book signing. Howard said he just wants to go to work and then go home. He doesn't know why his mom has to visit him at work. Robin said she just wants to be there for her son.
Howard said there is no bigger nightmare to him than a family reunion at the mall. He said he hates it and no one respects his wishes. He said he wants to go do his own thing and then go home and tell people about it. He doesn't need them there commenting and evaluating. Billy did his impression saying that she needed to be seen.
Ray said that everyone enjoys seeing her with her son. Howard said she's just going to annoy him. He said she'll yell at him for being late if he shows up 5 minutes late. Howard said he doesn't need that.
Howard said he has to take a chain saw to the umbilical cord at this point. He can't get out of this. Howard asked if she wants recognition for raising him. He asked if it's her ego. Ray said she just wants to see other people enjoying him. She said she gets to share him with the rest of the world. Howard said he's home every day and she doesn't have to share anything. Billy said she wants to parade these magnificent cans.
Howard said that he will try and change the date to the 29th but he's not sure it'll happen. Ray thanked him for trying. Howard said if anyone is listening form the book company then don't change the date. Howard told her to just show up the 29th and if he's there then he's there.
Billy said that Ray's voice could curdle cement. Howard was asking about Stuttering John and Stuttering Vic. Ray said that John is the original so that's the one she's going with. Howard told her to go give dad some sex and let her go.
Howard said that it's going to be cold out by the 29th. Robin said it's only a week. Howard said he wanted to do it when it's still warm out. Howard did his impression of his mom and dad talking about making this call. He said his father has his own life and women don't. Howard said guys don't have to do this kind of thing. Robin said she has her own life.
In the clip Howard was talking about taping a Hill Street Jews bit with Fred. He said Fred was kind of out of it. He said he will only give Jackie and Billy the writing credit for that bit. He said Fred just wasn't into it. He did do a lot of voices in it though.
Howard said Gary was telling him about two pair of brothers and sisters that slept together. Gary said that they would tell friends and it would leak out to the rest of the school. Howard said that would be a big deal to him if he heard about something like that. Gary said they were from a really rural area. Gary said one couple appeared to be relatively normal. He said some of the kids used to taunt the girl about it and she never said it wasn't true. She would just cry a lot. Howard told him to try and book them for the show.
Howard said he has to see Lisa's breasts. He said that they knew her when she had an A-cup. Robin said it looks grotesque to her. She said she didn't know her when she was tiny. Howard had Lisa come in a short time later. Howard took a look at her and said she looks hot now. Howard said women who get implants tend to feel themselves up. He said that's what she's doing. Lisa said she just had them done 5 weeks ago. She said she felt pretty good after about a week.
Howard asked Lisa what they cost. She said they were $2,000. She said they're saline and not silicone. Lisa said they went through the nipple. She said they look most normal that way. She said if they go in under your arm then they kind of go into your arm pit.
Howard said Robin had a breast reduction. They took her nipple off and sewed them back on. Robin said they're interviewing Lisa now. She said they don't have to talk about that.
Howard said Gary told him she can make a grand in a night. Lisa said she hasn't been dancing that long with her chest yet. She said she doesn't always make that kind of money but she can average about 4-500 a night. Howard said Gary said she doesn't want to dance forever. She wants to sell posters. Howard said she was talking about walking around and selling them. Howard said he thinks she might be able to get into one of these magazines now.
Howard asked Lisa to show them everything. Howard said he saw her when she was an A-cup. Howard had her take her top off. Lisa did that and Howard said he had to take a look at them. Howard said she looked great but he had to take a closer look. Howard asked if she's getting it on with guys. Lisa said she has one man and one man only. Howard said it looks like they hurt. He said they stretched it a lot. Howard said they're big enough and she doesn't have to make them any bigger. Howard said she doesn't look like a boy anymore. Howard asked if she shaves down there. She said she doesn't.
Howard told Lisa to sit down. Howard said saline doesn't cause cancer. Robin said he doesn't know that. Howard shushed her. He said even if she does get it then she still has her good years with the implants. Howard said he only sees the positives.
Lisa said her boyfriend was the one who convinced her to go to a full C-cup. She said that she was just going to go to a B-cup. Howard said he's a smart man. Howard asked how often they have sex. She said they do it like 4 times a day. Howard asked if he's a black guy. She said he's not. She said he gets to have sex whenever he wants. Howard asked if they do it at night. She said they do it in the morning too sometimes. She said on the weekends they'll do it when he's around. She said that she's happy to do it 4 times a day.
Lisa told Howard how they came up with the C-cup idea. She said that she brought home some bras and stuffed them before getting them done. Howard asked if the boyfriend ever gets into fights with guys over her. Lisa said that doesn't happen but he has seen guys looking at her.
Howard said it's too bad their nymphos didn't show up today. Howard said he better get her out of there before Bo Diddley shows up. Howard asked if she's going to marry the boyfriend. She said she hopes to. Howard asked Jackie what he thinks. Jackie said they were very nice. Fred said he wants to see what they look like when they settle in. Howard told her to come back in 3 months to show how they've settled in.
Former Governor McGreevey On Oprah Audio Clips. 09/20/06. 6:45am
Howard said that former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey was on Oprah's show talking about his gay sex stuff. Robin said that guy is really kind of creepy and she got scheeved out by him. Howard said he thought the interview was kind of interesting. He played some audio clips from the interview where McGreevey talked about the first time he hooked up with his gay lover on the same day his wife was having a baby.
McGreevey read some excerpts from his book where he talked about that day when he kissed this man the way he really wanted to. Artie heard that and said ''Oh my God...'' Artie said he had a stand-up gig up in Boston the weekend the Governor admitted to all of this stuff and before he even got on stage some guy yelled out ''Your Governor sucks cock!''
JD came in and told Howard that there was one clip where McGreevey's lover breaks down and cries during the interview. Howard played a clip where the guy cries while talking about what a great guy McGreevey is. There was another clip where Oprah talked to McGreevey about going behind a Synagogue to have gay sex. Robin said that all of this stuff covers up the stuff he was doing wrong while he was in office.
In the clip Howard had Janet from Another Planet out on the street in the NBC car trying to get a caller to talk to him. They were chasing down a Ford Gran Turino. They finally got the guy on and Howard asked if he was white trash. The guy said he might be. He owns a gas station and drives a 1976 Gran Turino. Howard said the guy won 166 bucks. He said that he had a WNBC bumper sticker on the car so he won. Howard asked if he's ever caught a baseball at a Mets or Yankees game. The guy said he hasn't. Howard asked what he's going to do with the $166. The guy said he'll probably go out and have a few beers. Howard asked if he's married. He wasn't married. Howard asked if he lives at home with his parents. The guy said he does. Howard asked if they have a car on blocks on the side of the house. The guy said they don't have that or anything else white trash in the yard. Howard said he thinks this guy is faking it. Robin said she bets that he has dirt under his finger nails. The guy said that is one thing he has.
Howard asked if he has any statues of saints in his yard. The guy said his neighbor has those. Howard asked if he has any of those black jockeys in his yard. The guy said he doesn't have that either. Howard said he has won the big prize and thanked him for listening.
Various Stuff. 9/20/02. 6:05am
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if Howard has ever Bukkaked anyone. ''Of course!'' Howard said. He told the guy that it's fun but he's never done it with other guys in the room. He also had to explain what Bukkake is. He said that it's when you ''leave a gift'' on your woman. Howard went on to talk about how he usually doesn't hit the face so it ends up on the chest of the woman. He said it can end up on the neck and the bed if you miss the face. He said he's okay with ''yanking it'' himself thanks to porn. He said women seem to like watching guys yank themselves. Howard said it's an honor for the women to be Bukkaked on by him. The caller also asked about a woman who wanted to be Bukkaked by some of Howard's listeners. KC came in and said they had the woman set up to do it but she backed out at the last minute. Howard said maybe Benjy could Bukkake Houston the porn star turned singer when she comes in later in the show.
Howard said that Benjy asked if he could sit on the couch next to Houston when she came in and just pleasure himself while she's being interviewed. Howard said he didn't think it would fly at first but then figured it might just work with Houston.
The caller also asked Howard about using condoms when he was younger. Howard said he used to use them sometimes but the girls he was having sex with were on the pill and he didn't think that much about sexually transmitted diseases. Howard said one summer he had sex with a bunch of women so he figured he must have gotten an S.T.D. So he had his mother take him to the doctor. He didn't have any symptoms but thought he'd get checked out anyway. He didn't have anything though. Howard said that was the summer when some Polish chick started putting her finger where the sun don't shine and he put a stop to that.
Another caller asked Howard if it matters where you Bukkake a woman. Howard said it doesn't seem to matter where it goes. He said he's seen quite a few Bukkake movies and they go anywhere. He explained to the guy how he went about it with one of the women he's done it with.
The caller played a couple of really lame games with Howard. He asked him what parts of the body have only three letters. Howard guessed about three before giving up. The caller gave him the rest and asked Howard a couple of other dopey questions. Here are the three letter words for the body. Arm, Toe, Leg, Ear, Eye, Lip, Gum, Rib, Jaw and Hip. Howard also mentioned Nut and Pud.
Howard played a short clip of comedian Chris Rock doing some material about divorce and relationships and then took a break. After the break he took a call from Double A who asked when he's going to be allowed to come in and stare at Beth all morning while they play the Newlywed Game. Howard said he's invited to come in if they ever get to that game.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who asked when they're going to come up with a homepage on the internet. Howard said he's working on some stuff so it may come. The caller said Jackie has one. Howard said Jackie just throws stuff out there. Howard said Jackie has money and he has a dining room table that sticks out the window. Jackie said it's a work in progress. Robin said that's been that way for years.
Howard said Jackie started a home page and he has a guy helping him out with it. Howard said he told him to put some thought into doing it the right way. Howard said Jackie just says ''I don't know... I don't know.'' Howard said Jackie can't say no. He just has to jump into everything he can latch on to. Howard said he thinks he should take one thing and make it good.
Howard said Jackie doesn't seem to care how things turn out. He just does them. Robin said she heard he did a movie. Howard said he heard about that too. Howard said he heard Jackie got a girl thrown off a movie and had his wife put in. Jackie didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said that girl contacted them and told them what happened. Jackie said that's just an out and out lie.
Howard asked Jackie if he's in a movie. Jackie said they haven't started doing it yet but he is in one that is in a film festival this weekend.
Howard and Jackie ended up arguing about negotiations and how Jackie handles them. Robin got into that too. She and Howard have the same feelings about Jackie when it comes to that stuff. Robin was doing her impression of Jackie doing his negotiations.
Howard took a call from a woman who claimed she was the one who lost the job to Jackie's wife Nancy. She said they got rid of her to replace her with Nancy. Jackie said that's just not true. She said they wrote it for a 43 year old woman. Gary told Howard that she did readings for a whole month before they let her go. Jackie said they wanted to give him a part in the movie and they said they could give his wife a part if she wanted it. Jackie said they told him things didn't work out with the woman and they gave Nancy the part. He said he didn't get her fired. Howard let the caller go and wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard was telling Robin about how he was going to do the Jew thing and pull the Jewish Scam on the station. Howard said he learned there was a Jewish holiday so he went into the General Manager's office and demanded that he take it off. Then he was told that maybe he needed Thursday and Friday off but he only took one day. Howard said he's Christian on Christmas and Jewish on the Jewish holidays. He said he told the GM that he's from a mixed family.
Howard asked Bruce if he's taking that day off too. Bruce said he isn't and he won't because he's never done it before. Howard said he should do it. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Bruce about that before wrapping up.
Ferrall Show Clip And Artie's Weight. 09/20/06. 9:20am
Howard came back from break after Fred played a couple of bits and a Bruce Springsteen song. He wasn't even sure what day it was after that. He said that the week was flying by even though they're not having fun according to many news reports.
Howard mentioned that the Intern Show was coming up tonight at 7pm. He also mentioned Bubba and Ferrall's shows that are on each day. He said that Ferrall was going nuts on his show last night. He had an audio clip from that show where he was complaining about women sports reporters. He's not a fan and suggested that they blow him instead of doing the announcing. He said that some of them are good but they're just boring.
Artie said Ferrall was talking about this woman Susan Waldman who he also dislikes. He said it's sad to say that he has to agree with Ferrall and they really do need dudes doing the sideline reports instead of chicks. Some of them are really hot but they have no business being there.
Howard gave Mutt credit for his cross promotion of the shows since that was one of the things he had suggested at the summit meeting they had last week.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's kind of worried about Artie and wanted to help him out with his weight. The guy said he used to be a fat guy himself. He was up at 306 pounds and now he's down to 175 pounds. He said he knows Artie doesn't know how to lose the weight. Artie cut him off and said he knows how to lose weight, he's done it before. He said he just has to work on it. Right now he's at 282 pounds and he doesn't want to be 300 pounds. He's hoping he doesn't go there.
Robin said that Richard and Sal were talking about doing a challenge to see who could gain 100 pounds the quickest. Howard said he could gain that 100 pounds quicker than anyone there. Ralph called in and said he had to agree with Scott Ferrall as well. He doesn't think that those women belong on some of those sports shows. That got Artie talking about that again and complaining about Susan Walden calling the Yankee games. Gary said she called a game for her first time and got death threats after doing it.
Scott Ferrall called in and said that he saw the Mets shooting champagne corks off of her tits in the locker room the other night. He and Artie were also saying that injecting comedy into sports isn't cool either.
Howard interrupted Scott and asked him what he thinks about Robin and Bubba's race. He asked Scott if he thinks she has a chance against him. Scott said that he thinks Robin did great by going out and racing but Bubba lives inside a diesel engine and he's been racing for years. He doesn't think she has a chance even though he'll be rooting for her. He asked him if he thinks it'll be the worst thing for him if Robin actually does beat him. Scott said he thinks that Brent will take over and start hosting the show if Bubba loses that race to Robin. Howard thanked Scott for calling in and gave him a plug for his show which airs at 8pm (East) on Howard 101.
In the clip Howard said he had another live commercial to read and he got upset about that. He said he told Dale that he didn't want more than 4 an hour. He called Dale in his office to yell at him. Howard said Dale has an interesting management philosophy. Gary told Howard that Dale wasn't in his office. He was in another office. Howard told him to transfer the call there.
Howard got through to the other office and the secretary told him that they were having a meeting. She said she'd check to see if they were available. Dale got on the line a few seconds later. Howard told him he's an idiot. Howard asked what he told him about the live commercials. Dale said it takes some time to take care of that. He said he'll have it taken care of by next week. Howard asked what day. Dale said he'd have it done by Wednesday. Howard said he will choose which commercials he's going to do if he still has more than 4 an hour.
Howard asked Dale what he's going to be talking to John about. Dale said it's just their usual Friday meeting. Howard told him to talk about the ads and also talk about the TV commercial. Howard said he didn't like it but that doesn't mean they should pull all TV advertising. Howard asked if John is going to be sour grapes over the whole thing just because of what he said about it. Howard asked if John is still upset with them. Dale said he's not. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said they want to suck the life out of his show with these ads he's doing. Howard said they would put on 60 ads per hour if they could. Howard said John Hayes is the incubus. He said he hates their show but he loves the money they make. He said they barely talk to the guy and the have to put on a phony smile when they do. They spent a little more time on that before wrapping up.
From The Grave: Bo Diddley, September 20, 1991. 08/03/11. 8:05am
In the clip we heard Howard meeting Bo Diddley for the first time. Howard asked him about his friends and thought he was saying that they were a-hole buddies. Bo said that's not what he meant. He said that's not the kind of buddy he wants. Bo told Howard that he has never had a homosexual experience. Howard asked if he's married. Bo said he's not. Bo said he's cool and he doesn't mess around. Howard said he thought that he was saying he's afraid of AIDS. Bo said that's true and he's being careful.
Bo said that he wrote a new song called ''I'm Not the One'' and that's because he only has one woman. Howard asked if he's been dating her a long time. Bo wondered why he was getting into his business. Howard said he saw he was living in a trailer in this movie he was in. Bo said that trailer is something he paid $68,000 for. He said they ain't cheap. Bo said he's not going to build anymore houses.
Howard kept interrupting and getting things wrong with Bo. Bo kept telling him ''No, no, no, no...'' Bo said he can always pick up and move his trailer home if he needs to get away from people who are bothering him.
Howard said he wanted to talk to him about the white man ripping him off. Howard said they stole his music. Bo said they didn't really rip him off. Howard said they did rip him off and he knows that. Bo said he would rather use the term thieves instead of ''white man.'' Howard said that Bo didn't know what he had when he was starting out. He said that he was asked to be on an album and then someone came up and told him to sign with him and the deal sounded good. Bo said they patted him on the back and gave him a new Cadillac. He said he thinks he paid for that thing about 90 times.
Bo told Howard that he was deprived of sending his kids to college and things like that. He said that it's not just the black man that gets ripped off. He said there are plenty of white guys who have been ripped off too.
Howard asked about religion too but Bo didn't want to get into that. Howard got into it anyway. He asked if Little Richard ever came on to him. Bo said they're close friends. He didn't seem to want to talk about that either. Bo said he wanted to talk about other things.
Howard and Bo talked about Jimi Hendrix and his death. They also talked about drug use and things like that.
Howard said that Buddy Holly ripped off Bo. Bo said he's not biter about that. Howard said he figured he was bitter. He said he's kind of disappointed that he's not bitter.
Howard had Bo's biography writer come in to talk to them. Howard spent a minute talking to that guy. The guy, Dennis, told Howard about what he's been doing with Bo. They were working on a book together.
Howard said that he wants to know about Bo's sexual liaisons and if he's had them with more than one woman at a time. Bo said that he's not a dirty dude and he doesn't think it's any of his business what he does. Howard said he would love to know if he felt up Janis Joplin. Bo said he isn't running a school.
At one point Howard told Bo that Ike Turner is a walking disaster and he had Bo cracking up. Bo couldn't stop laughing when he was trying to tell Howard a story about Ike. Bo and Howard were both laughing talking about him. Bo said that Ike was wire tapping the telephone poles in the alley where he lived. Bo wondered how dumb you can be.
Howard wanted Bo to play some guitar so he could sing along. Bo didn't want to do it. He said he can't play. Howard said that he knows how to play. He told Bo to just try it out. Bo started to mess around with it but he didn't seem to want to play. Bo said he felt stupid. Howard told him to forget it and put it down then. Robin said he plays with a different tuning than they had set up. Bo didn't like the guitar.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she knows Bo's real name which was Ellis McDaniels. Bo said ''Uh oh.''
Fred retuned the guitar for Bo so he could play the way he wanted. Bo played a little bit and Howard sang the song he wrote about Bo. Then Bo started to sing about how Howard ''don't make no sense.'' Howard and Bo went back and forth singing.
Howard had Robin read some news. She went through a few stories and Howard kept Bo around to talk to about some of those stories.
Howard asked Bo if he ever had sex between songs. Bo didn't say so Howard just assumed he had. Bo said he told Howard he was weird.
Robin read more news and Howard tried to get more out of Bo. He wasn't having any luck. Robin read through some stories and had one about Arsenio Hall changing his hair style. Bo said he was going to go on that show but he didn't want to be in the band like they wanted him to. He said he wanted to be with his own group. Bo said he would go on if they let him do that. Howard and Bo spent a minute talking about that and Howard assumed it was Arsenio who was the one who wanted him to play in that band. Bo insisted he wasn't but Howard didn't believe it. Robin read through some more stories and Howard wrapped up with Bo a short time later.
In the clip Howard and Robin were talking about Howard's drug use and the music he listens to. Howard said they had a dial-a-date coming up and they'll also be calling his cousin. He said he had to read this article about a DJ who seized a radio station with a shotgun. Howard said that sounds like a stunt. He said they do that to play records and get people to listen.
Howard read about this guy who was known as Bo Wiley. Howard said he broke into the station by breaking the glass with his shotgun. The other employees locked themselves in a room. Howard said they eventually shut down the transmitter and the DJ threatened to kill himself. Howard said one of the guys at the station, Kevin O'Neill, might be a friend of his. Gary had him on the line a short time later.
Howard picked up on Kevin and found out he didn't really know him. Howard asked Kevin about the guy, Bo, and what happened with him. Kevin had to do his DJ thing for a few seconds before getting back on the phone with Howard.
Kevin told Howard that he had criticized this guy not long before the gun incident. He said the guy quit and then came in the following week with a shotgun. He said the ratings weren't all that great and they were trying to help him get back up. Robin and Howard went back and forth asking Kevin questions about the guy and what went on that day.
Howard said he bets the ratings went up that day. Kevin said they won't know until the ratings book comes out. Howard asked if the guy is in a mental hospital. Kevin said he is and they're not going to press charges against him. He said the state will though. Kevin said they're going to try and help the guy the best they can. Howard said they should bring him back in a straight jacket. Kevin said that will never happen. Howard let him go a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about how Scott the Engineer finished a bit finally. He said it only took him 19 hours to finish it. Howard went into a deep voice and announced the big news. Howard said this is a Hill Street Jews bit that they did. Howard said that it's a made for TV radio movie.
Robin mentioned that something about this discussion reminded her of a scene in ''2001 a Space Odyssey'' and that led to them talking about what an awful movie that was. Robin said her boyfriend dragged her to see it. Howard said he saw it and hated it and then a friend told hi he had to see it on acid. He said that it was the worst trip ever. Howard said it really freaked him out when he heard the voice of Hal saying ''Dave'' over and over. Howard said he was stupid back then. He said that's what he learned at Boston University.
Howard said he had smoked hash all morning before taking the acid. He said he was making out with this chick and she was a big of a scrag. He said he couldn't believe his good fortune. Howard said he went to her dorm room and the guy was there to protect her. He said they made him smoke hash. Howard said he waited all morning for the guy to leave and he never left. Howard said he got more and more paranoid and eventually left. Howard said he took LSD that night. Howard said it was 4 hits but that was by accident. Howard said he didn't enjoy that drug. He won't say what drug he did enjoy. He said he doesn't drink or do drugs or anything now.
Howard played the Hill Street Jews bit that he was talking about earlier. The bit was about the Jews and Blacks fighting in Harlem.
In the clip Howard and Robin were talking about taking off for Yom Kippur. Howard said they have a new theme song for Stuttering John. He said John went into a studio and recorded a song for them. Howard said it's really awful. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to John before playing his song. John begged him to just play the whole song and let people hear it.
Howard talked to John about how flustered he gets around good looking women. John said if he has a drink in him he's okay.
Howard said John thinks this song is a nice song but he sings ''Poor little Jew boy thought he was a coon.'' Howard said that's kind of odd. He said that John doesn't seem to get what his life was all about. John said Howard went from being a nobody on Long Island to being the most successful DJ in the country or maybe even the world. Howard said he's half Jewish.
Howard played John's song and analyzed each line. John wanted him to just play the whole thing all the way through. Howard said that the whole song is about him being Jewish. John said it's really not.
Howard went to break a short time later. After the edited out break Howard came back and talked about his kids and how well they're doing in school. Howard said he didn't do so well. Howard said he took a dump in his pants on his first day of kindergarten. Howard said maybe his mother never trained him properly. Robin said she thinks Howard had a problem. Howard said he blames his mother.
Howard got back to John and played more of his theme song. Howard said he's a little embarrassed by this. He said he calls him king Howard in the song and that's embarrassing. He didn't like some of the other lyrics because John was talking about burning a competitor. Howard said John was saying some slanderous things in the song too. He made some comments about some other DJs that he didn't like. Howard would play a few seconds of the song and then tell John what was wrong with the song. John had lines in there that just didn't work with Howard. He had a line about Howard being a ratings whore and Howard didn't get that. John said he took it from an article he had hanging in his office. Howard said he's not a ratings whore. John said he got it from him though. Howard said they thought that article was funny, that's why they hung it up.
Howard asked John if he's supposed to play this song every morning? John said he guesses that won't happen now. Howard played more of the song and got to the end where someone shoots Soupy Sales. Howard said that's it. No one wants to see Soupy Sales get shot. Howard said even Fred is afraid of John now. Howard said he's never seen Fred afraid of anyone.
John said he played this song for Gary and other people and they thought it was funny. John asked him to play it all the way through and let people decide. Howard said he'd do that after taking a break.
After an edited out break Howard came back and said he should have listened to this song ahead of time. Howard said it is a funny song. Howard said John requested that he play it in its entirety. Howard said he will do that now. John asked him to please not interrupt it. Howard said he will let it play. Howard started the song but he did talk over it while it was playing. Howard cut it off before the Soupy Sales part. John asked Robin what she thinks about it. Howard told him to leave her out of it. Howard said John thought that he was going to like the song and he'd send him to a recording studio to record it professionally. Howard said he should send the song to other stations because John is calling him a ratings whore and other names in the song. John said he had good intentions with the song. Howard thanked him for writing the new theme song. Robin told him to keep his pen in his pocket from now on. They went to break after that.
In the clip Howard was talking about how Mancow sent one of his guys down there to make a doody in their lobby. Howard said they told the guy to go for it but he wasn't able to go so he ran out of there. Howard said he was a chubby little guy that came down there. Billy West did his impression of Mancow for a minute.
Howard had Pat Cooper come in. Pat was wearing a jumpsuit when he came in. Howard goofed on him about that for a few seconds.
Howard wanted to find out why Pat was mad at him. He said he said some stuff about him at the Friar's club. Pat said he didn't hear anything. Howard said Jackie heard something. Pat asked why Jackie was involved. Howard said even on his show he said some terrible things about him on the show. Pat said he said the truth about him. He said there is a difference. Pat said Howard loves everyone one day and then the ratings come and his horns come out. Howard said he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Howard and Pat yelled back and forth about this whole thing for a few minutes. Howard said he didn't know Pat was taking this stuff so seriously. Howard said he can dish it out and he can take it. Pat said he can too. Howard said Pat can't take it. Pat said he knew that he was going to get it after the last time he was on the show. Pat said Howard can't intimidate him. Howard said he isn't at war with him. Pat said he likes Howard but you never hear anything nice from Howard about him. Howard said he loves Pat and he knows that. Howard said he has the best radio ever when Pat is on the show.
Howard and Pat argued for a few minutes. They eventually calmed down and Howard explained his side and then Pat explained his side. Pat was explaining why he went on Don Imus' show. Howard said he bets he can't sell a ticket on that show. Pat said he doesn't want to sell tickets. He said he's looking for exposure. Howard said he got that on his show and he got calls for commercials and stuff. Howard said he knows Vegas called. Pat said he didn't get any calls from Vegas. Howard said he knows he worked out there recently.
Robin said the one thing that's true is that Pat is the genius of him. Pat said he didn't know he said that. Howard said he did.
Howard said he has told Pat to come on the show whenever he wants. Howard said he wants to give him his phone number now. Pat knew they were going to give him Jackie's number.
Howard said his father has always liked Pat. He said he thought he was vicious when he talked to him last. Howard said his father told him to never talk to Pat again. Pat said that's bull. Howard said Pat is out of line. Howard said he was told to cut him off.
Howard asked Pat if he's okay. Pat said he was fine when he walked in there. Pat and Billy ended up doing some of his lines and repeating them over and over like Pat often did when he was arguing.
Pat was going off on David Letterman for not calling anymore. Howard said Dave had him on 3 times and he ran out of things to talk to him about. Howard said Dave has to hear Pat on this show and then he'll know what to do with him. Howard said Dave doesn't want to do the work.
Howard said that Pat was mad at him and he thinks that he's a big shot or something. Howard said Pat thinks that he's become a big shot but he's just as normal or more normal than Pat. Pat said that Howard is a big shot.
Gary came in and said he heard Gange interviewing Pat and Pat was upset that he wasn't mentioned in Howard's book. Pat said he did not. He said he didn't care if Howard mentioned him in the book or not. Howard said he actually did write about Pat in the book but then he took it out because Pat asked him not to write about his family. Pat said he did it on the radio so he should have put it in there because it was interesting.
Pat said he became a better person because of Howard. He realized after he blew up at him that he can't do that. He said that's how he became a better person.
Robin asked how Howard is feeling about this reunion. Howard said he loves Pat. He said as far as the show goes, it comes first no matter what. Pat said he knows that. Howard said he's always felt that Pat is a terrific guest. Howard said he is welcome to come on anytime. Howard said he feels positive about all of his appearances. Howard said it can blow up in your face when you throw something at him.
Robin said she ran into Freddy Roman the other night and they talked about Pat. Pat said that Freddy hasn't contributed to anyone. He said he takes and takes and never gives back. Pat said he's part of a group that only thinks of themselves. Pat went off on Freddy for a minute.
Gary said Howard's dad is on the line. Howard picked up on Ben and Ben said this is like Deja Vu. Pat asked to hear him say that he hates his guts. Howard said didn't say that. Howard said his dad told him to cut him loose. Ben said he didn't say that. Pat started dancing and screaming like he was right. Ben said he felt that Pat and Howard were soul mates and he felt that Pat over reacted. Pat agreed with that. Pat said he knew Mr. Stern didn't do that to him. Ben said that Howard's fans love to pull Howard's chain and he felt that's what they were doing with this whole Pat thing.
Howard let his dad go a short time later. Howard said they asked how he feels about Pat returning. Howard said he is good because he's unpredictable. Howard said that's good radio for him. Howard said his point of view is that he's welcome to come on the show. Howard said he's glad he's back on the show now. He said he's happy to have him there.
Howard told Pat he's welcome to call and come in anytime he wants. Pat said it would be nice if they called him and asked if he wanted to come in. Jackie said they don't know when he's in town. Pat said he's not talking to him. Howard said he had to take a break a short time later.
In the clip Howard told Jackie that this guy in Cleveland gave him a bad write up. The guy's name is Roberto Santiago and he had done the same thing to Howard at some point. Howard read the article to Jackie and told him that he warned him about the guy. Howard said the guy gave him a bad write up but then he said that Jackie does make you laugh. Jackie said he doesn't understand that. He said that he made people laugh for an hour and a half and then he gives him a bad write up.
Howard said he warned Jackie about that guy. He said Jackie asked where they stand with the guy and he warned him. Howard and Robin goofed on Jackie about not taking their advice.
Howard took a call from a guy in Cleveland who said Jackie did a great job. He said Jackie was signing autographs after the show and then he went up and almost gave some guy a kiss. Howard said it was probably Roberto Santiago. Jackie said he got up and went to give a chick a kiss on the cheek and he wasn't sure if it was a guy or a girl. He said he had to ask and it turned out to be a guy. Howard asked if he was drinking. Jackie said he wasn't bombed drunk or anything. He said he may have had one beer. Fred did his Jackie voice and goofed on him about that for a minute.
Howard asked if Gina was at the show. The caller said she was and she's gorgeous. Howard said he has a bunch of naked pictures of her for his book. Robin did her impression too and she said she loves doing that impression. The guys told her it's like Barney Fife at this point.
The caller asked if Jackie's wife was there. Jackie said she didn't go along. Howard let the caller go and wrapped up.
More F-Emmy's! 9/20/96.
Let's get right to the categories:
The winner was Mike the listener who called in and really pissed of Fred by bringing up the fight that he and his wife had while at the Rainbow Room with Jackie and his wife. The guy came into the studio to accept his award. Fred once said that he'd kill the guy if he ever saw him in person. Well there was no killing this morning but Fred is still pissed at the guy. We also found out that Fred hasn't worn his wedding ring since the filming of Private Parts started!
In the clip Howard had Meg Griffin come in and ended up making fun of the clothes she was wearing. Howard said she has such a gorgeous body and she hides it in those clothes. Howard said someone like Tom Waitts would like that outfit. He said Bon Jovi wouldn't like it. Howard said she wants to look Avant Garde. Howard said Wavy Gravy would wear that. Howard said she actually looks great and they're just kidding at her expense.
Gary said that a celebrity just called in and wanted to talk to them even though they're ending the show. Gary said it's Joey Ramone. Howard gave Joey a call back and got someone else on the line. Howard got Bobby Chouinard on the line instead. Howard tried talking to him but Joey was trying to get on the line. Howard had Bobby give the phone to Joey.
Joey got on and cursed as soon as he got on. Howard talked to Joey about how he had cleaned up completely. Joey said he did and he used a new formula to clean up. Howard said Joey has a lot going on with his music. Howard said he listens to the Ramones music. Howard said that guy Slash copped Joey's look. Joey said he likes those guys.
Howard said he has to go because he has a meeting. Howard thanked him for calling in. Howard let Joey go and said he's glad that Bobby is back with Billy Squire too. Howard let him go a short time later and then played the voice mail message Joey left for Gary once where he says mumbles some stuff and then says ''Welcome to my nightmare'' and not much else before hanging up.
Howard said he really has to get out of there. Howard said he is very tired. Howard spent a little more time talking to Meg before wrapping up.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.