|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about being back live and how the fans were angry that they were away. He said living without him is almost impossible. Howard asked Robin how she's doing. Robin said she's doing well. She asked when they were live last. Howard said everyone is blaming America's Got Talent but this was their vacation schedule. Howard said this is their regular schedule. Howard said if he wasn't on AGT then he'd just have been on vacation. He said that's starting to get to him too. He said that he hasn't really been on vacation. He's been working in the city.
Robin asked how much time they require from him. Howard said he can't figure out what's going on with the schedule for AGT. He said last week he worked Tuesday and Thursday and then he was on Letterman on Wednesday. That show was shot Wednesday and aired Thursday. Howard said he wasn't out there partying or anything. He said people don't care though. Robin said they just know he wasn't there doing the radio show.
Howard said they have a vacation day on Wednesday and then they're done until the holidays. He said that the fans will get sick of them by then anyway. Howard said he warned people that he was going to be working less days. He said that people are threatening to cancel and he's not sure what to say.
Howard said he heard Impressions Week last week and he loved it. Howard said he thought it was great. That's his bias though. He said Fred had a couple of really funny moments. Howard said he really misses Billy West. He said he'd like to have him back on the show but he seems to be angry at him. Gary said he spoke to him and he seems to be fine.
Howard said Gilbert really did a good Seinfeld impression. He said he didn't know who it was doing the impression at first because he's so good. Howard said he's really quick too so he was great when he'd throw a line to him. Howard said he loves impressions and impressionists.
Robin said that Howard looked good on Letterman. Howard said he thought he looked strange but he always thinks that. Robin said he looked great. Howard said it's very odd over there. He said they told him they were going to keep him for 2 segments and then see what happens. Howard said he wishes they wouldn't say that to him. He said that he doesn't want to be tested to see if he's good. Howard said they have him booked as a guest and he's not there to get Dave's approval. He said they kept him there for 3 segments. Robin said that she didn't know it was a competition. She said she's not sure why they set people up like that. Howard said he never says something like that to their guests. He said he's not sure what to say about that. Gary said they did that as a bit once but Howard wasn't able to tell people to go away and they'd come in and sit down.
The caller asked if Howard will have Sharon and Howie on his show after AGT is done. Howard said Howie is very busy and he's not sure if he could make it. Howard said Sharon is even more busy than Howie is. He said that Sharon does AGT and then she does her show ''The Talk'' and she's got other things going on where she's selling stuff. Howard said she still manages Ozzy too as far as he knows. He said he's not sure when they see each other. Howard said she has to fly back to L.A. to see Ozzy. He said she's taking care of him and all of this other stuff. He said he thinks they should come on and talk about some of this stuff but he's not sure. The caller said he thinks they should stir it up on the show. He said it's just a suggestion. He thanked Howard for taking his call and took off.
Howard said he has to get off Twitter because people are so nasty to him. He said he gets horrible, hateful notes from people on there. Howard said some of them say he's horrible at tweeting. He said people tell him he's a shithead and that his wife is a shithead. Howard said these are his fans saying this stuff. He said that it's constant evaluation and he's not looking for that. He can't take it.
Howard said people tell him that his wife is ugly and he's not sure why they want to ruin it for him. He said that most of these guys may not even have wives or girlfriends. He said he sees that they don't have any followers and they must make accounts just to insult him. He said that they get blocked and then go out and start another account.
Howard said these people should go after someone who is happy. He said he's neurotic and it really bothers him. The caller on the line (Tommy) said that people just suck. He said there are a lot of people who do love them. Howard said Beth was busy writing notes to fans who sent in donations in Bianca's name. She's going to keep doing it until they stop. Howard said Beth feels good about it because Bianca is helping to raise money.
Howard said he auctioned off the chance to do a photo session and it turned into two. He said that two people gave huge bids. It was a total of $150,000. Howard said he's feeling the pressure now. He said he has to shoot a guy and his wife and another woman. Howard said that she's a recording artist in Canada and he'll be shooting her CD cover. Howard said he went out scouting locations over the weekend. Howard said he's going to shoot her on a horse. He said he wants to give her a plug because it was such a nice donation. Howard said she must be pretty big up there.
Tommy asked if it was Ann Murray. Howard said this woman is attractive. Howard said he knows that it's not Celine Dion. Howard said he knows he wrote the woman's name down. He tried to find it but he wasn't able to. He said he thought he printed it out. He said he printed out thousands of things but not her name. Howard said he has celebrities with high IQs. He told Robin about that and said that Jodi Foster has a 132. He said Nicole Kidman has a 132. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a 135. Robin asked what Scott DePace had. He said he had a 123 but Gary said it was actually a 122 and Will was a 130. Howard said Gina Davis has a 140. Madonna was up there too but it was cut off. Howard said Shakira has a 140. Steve Martin was a 142. Howard found Madonna's and said that was a 140. Dolph Lundgren was a 160. Steven Hawking was a 160. Quentin Tarantino was a 160 and so was Reggie Jackson. Robin said that he should go and fix the world if that's the case. James Woods was a 180. Howard said they say that he aced his SATs. He read some details about how smart James is. Robin said that they must get lazy or something. Tommy said he figured out 9/11 before it happened. Howard said anything over 140 is genius. He went through the rest of the listings and pointed out that Bobo is known as ''dull'' based on those IQ ratings. Howard said he might be mildly retarded himself. Howard said he actually thinks he's intelligent. Tommy said he has a 126.
Tommy said he was called the most annoying caller on Superfan Roundtable. Howard said he doesn't think he's annoying at all.
Howard said while they were away they had some things in the news. Howard said they won't play ''Sweet Caroline'' at Penn State games anymore because of the ''touching me, touching you'' lyrics.
Robin said NBC has put out a statement and they say that his show budget was blown up when they went to prime time and now they're moving it back to that out of prime time number. Howard said he's not sure why they'd let that story out. He said it makes Jay look loserish. Howard said they make like 100 million a year in advertising. Howard said they do well in the ratings and it's a great lead in for Jimmy Fallon. He said the whole thing doesn't make sense. Robin said that they renewed Leno's contract for a couple of years so this doesn't look good for Jimmy Fallon. Howard said it's very strange and they treat Jay in a peculiar way. They keep him around and it seems they do that because he's willing to work so cheap.
Howard said that he might be the biggest star at NBC. Howard said that the show is on at weird times though. He said that people have missed the show because they keep moving it around. Howard said he watches 60 Minutes because it's on at the same time every week. Howard said they keep moving AGT around. He said a lot of people missed it. Gary said he missed the results show because they had a local football game on. Howard said they did that in three major markets. Howard said that during the republican convention they took the show off from 9-10 and moved it to 11. Howard said no one can find the show or figure out what's going on.
Gary said he records the show on TiVo but he had to wait 4 days to find out who made it to the finals. Howard said it's weird. He said the show is doing very well though. He said that it's very weird to him the way they move it around in the schedule. Howard said this week is the final week of shows. He said it's on Wednesday and Thursday. Howard said Robin was going to come Tuesday but he had to write her back and tell her that it's not on Tuesday night. Howard said he's not even sure when the show is on. Gary said he thinks it's Wednesday and Thursday.
Tommy said he should come in on Wednesday. Howard said he was thinking about it but he is owed a holiday so he's taking it.
Gary told Howard that Letterman did take a pay cut. He said that they did have a story about that.
Tommy asked if NBC threatened his job at NBC when he was bad mouthing Leno. Howard said they didn't. Tommy said some articles did say they did that. Howard said he'd be fine with it if they took the job away from him. He said he likes doing the show though. He said he can't turn off the way he feels about Jay. He said that they're fucking up Jay's entire career by letting out all of this information. He said they're making it seem like they can't wait to get rid of him. Robin said they're pointing out how he hasn't been able to get his 5 million viewers back. Howard said he's not even saying anything that bad about him.
Tommy asked what they talk about when they're going to break on AGT. Howard said they talk about a lot of stuff. He said Sharon once asked him what he likes better titties or the va-du-du. Howard said she meant Vagina. Howard said that he's a vagina man and he could care less about the titties. Howard said they asked Howie about that and he didn't answer. He said that the titties are a speed bump on the way to the vagina. Howard said meanwhile a 7 year old is on stage waiting for the results. Howard said sometimes they will talk about the contestants. Howard said they pretend to be thinking about their votes.
Tommy said that girl who cried on stage the other night was so cute. Howard said that those kids are very sweet. Tommy said this is the first time he's watched that type of show and he loves it. Howard said it is fun.
Howard said he's not sure why people won't vote for magicians. Howard said they do some great stuff in those acts. Howard said Puck was really good. Howard said he liked that Dittleman. Howard said he liked him too and he's not sure why he didn't make it. Howard said he has three favorites who he thinks should win. He likes Tom Cotter, William Close and that Olate Dogs act. Howard said they're all great.
Howard said his agent kept getting calls from the NY Post about how Tom Cotter is represented by Don Buchwald and they were trying to write how he's like a corrupt judge or something. Howard said they think the fix is in. Howard said when he gets his $40,000 a year he's going to get half or something. He said that it was a non-story. Howard said his agent was there and he didn't even know that he represented Tom Cotter. Howard said his actual Agent is Tony Burton. Howard said Don didn't even know that the guy was represented by his agency.
Howard said the producers knew ahead of time and they didn't have a problem with it. Howard said he thought there was going to be a story in the paper today about that but it didn't come out. Howard said he was sort of excited about it. Howard said he doesn't give a shit. He said that Tom Cotter has been very good and he has been very good to other people too. He said that the dogs will end up being the third cousin of Bianca or something. He said that if he's going to sell his soul he'd rather get a big pay off. Howard said the article would have been good for the show.
Tommy asked if it's true that Cher might replace Sharon. Howard said he started that rumor on Letterman. He said not everyone knew he was on so they may not have seen it. Robin missed it. Tommy did too. Howard said he was doing a whole rap about his mom on Letterman. He said they have a link up at HowardStern.com to the full Letterman interview.
Howard said that his mom called him one day and gave him a name for a replacement on AGT. Howard said he got annoyed with her and asked who it was. Howard did his mom and dad impressions and told Robin the story about how his mom gave him Queen Latifa as the replacement for Sharon. Howard said that she was telling him about Queen Latifa and how she would be a great replacement for Sharon when she leaves. Howard said he told his mom that they might go with someone younger or something with more experience like Cher. Howard said his mom didn't think that would work. Howard said his mom was convinced that Queen Latifa should be the judge. Howard said he told his mom that he'd mention it to people. He said that's the story he told on Letterman and that's how the Cher and Queen Latifa rumors got started. Howard said his father didn't want his mom to tell him that but she did it anyway. Howard said he told his dad it was fine though.
Tommy said he loves that they even know who she is. Howard said that's what he was thinking. Howard said he called his mom after Letterman and told her that he told the story on Letterman and they wrote it up in the paper about how good of an idea it was. Howard said he wondered how she knew her. His mom said that everyone knows her. Tommy said they probably talk about her at the yogurt store. Howard said maybe that's it. He said he did that whole story on Letterman and the crowd seemed to enjoy it. Robin said everyone likes his mom when he does that impression.
Howard said he's going to let Tommy go since the audience thinks that he's annoying. Howard said he's a long time caller. He let him go after that.
Howard said he has another one and this one is about Romney and Obama. Howard laughed as soon as he heard the song. Howard said he could listen to this stuff all day long. He said Mark should be singing songs against Romney if he's gay. Howard said that Romney and the republicans are against gay rights. Howard said he's such a strange guy on so many levels. Howard said you do love those songs though. Robin said they are amazing. Robin said she didn't know he had continued to record.
Howard took a call from Bobo but he wasn't there. Howard said Bobo is going to hang himself when he finds out he picked up and he wasn't there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he agrees with that Mark Harris song. He said he also thinks that Tommy from Malden stays on too long. Howard said that's his fault though, not Tommy's. The caller said Howard's impression of his mom was a little off this morning. Robin said she thought he was fine. The caller said he loved the Impressions Week shows. He said he's glad Howard is back though.
Howard took a call from a guy in British Columbia but he wasn't there either. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he was in the audience for Letterman last week. He said they took out everything he said about Jay. Howard said that's true. He said that's his fault though. Howard said the show ran long and they had to cut stuff out so he told them to take the Leno stuff out. Howard said he felt it fell kind of flat. He said that he's bashed Jay before so he told them to cut that. He said they trimmed a little bit out of the interview. Howard said they didn't cut that much out.
The caller asked why Stuttering John wasn't fired from The Tonight Show after all of those cuts. Howard said Jay would get so much shit if they fired John. Howard said he thinks that Jay can't fire him. He said it was so public and high profile that Jay would feel incredibly guilty if he did get fired.
JD came in and said that some guy called into Greg Fitzsimmons show and said that John emails his jokes into the show. He doesn't even work in the office according to what the guy said. JD said that he knows Leno has guys who do that though so it's not that unusual. Howard said that's weird. JD said John used to have a parking space over there. Howard said maybe John has turned into a world class writer. He said he is witty and funny. He said he's serious about that too. He said he's not making a joke. Howard said maybe he's the main force behind the Tonight Show. He said they don't know for sure.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he didn't think Howard was coming in this week at all. He said he would have been fine with that. Howard said they should have taken this week off then. The caller also thinks that he was wrong for picking the painting guy over the Lightwire guys. The caller said he thinks that he'd get bored after seeing two paintings. He said that the light guys could do so much more. Howard said he doesn't think that either one of them could win the whole thing. Howard said he was told that the vote was split almost evenly between those two. He said he loved both acts and his feeling was that the light act can get old. He said he thinks they're brilliant so he hates bad mouthing him. He said it's kind of the same thing over and over. This artist does a new painting in such an inventive way. He said it's very dynamic and he thought it was better for the finals. He said that the light show thing is awesome in person but it's not that great on TV. Robin said she wants to see that William Close guy in person. She said that's something that's kind of a one trick pony. Howard said he thinks that Tom Cotter is going to win it. Howard said maybe the dogs will win it. Howard said if William Close blows the place up he may win it. Howard said he did a weak song one week but they'll have to see what he does this week. Howard said he loves the guy.
The caller said he went to AGT in July and he had seats in the fourth tier. He said that someone came up and took them down to the floor and it was fantastic. He said they were very happy and had a great experience. Howard said he has to get going and thanked the guy for the call.
Howard said Chuck Zito is coming in to talk about being on Sons of Anarchy this season. Howard said he's really into the show now. He said he's up to season four. He said the show is so bad it's good. Howard said they commit crimes and no one goes to jail. He said they get in trouble but they get away with this stuff. Howard said they have all of the charges dropped and you're not sure why. He said the show is weird but he loves it. Robin said she's going to try to check it out. Robin said she has to see it if Chuck is going to be on it. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he has a new appreciation for Tom Petty after seeing him perform live. Howard said he DVR'd a concert where they had McCartney and Springsteen doing some songs. He said McCartney did a Springsteen song and he really liked that. Fred said he might have that one in the system. Howard said there was this girl Christina Peri who was really good too. Howard said she was really good doing a song called ''Jar of Hearts.'' Gary said that's her hit song. Fred found that one and played it for Howard. Howard said she's kind of cute too. He let that song play for a little while.
Howard said he has President Obama (Impersonator Ben Campbell) on the phone. He picked up on him and congratulated him on his nomination. Obama told Howard about how well they did at the DNC and how he's heard people knocking him lately. He said he is in way over his head. He said that Michelle has been banging him good lately though. Obama said that he's also all for legalizing all drugs. He said that he's not just talking marijuana but all drugs. Howard said that would be a great source of revenue. Howard said it might help.
Obama also said that some people think he's too young to be President but he's the first President to reach level 8 in Grand Theft Auto. He told Howard about how much fun he has getting fucked up too.
Howard talked to Obama about some of the things that he read in the news about him. They spent a minute talking about that. Obama also said that if Sharon Osbourne is out for next season of AGT then he's in. He said he has seen his poll numbers and he knows he might need that position. Obama also told Howard that he has a meeting with the president of Palau and he's never even heard of that country. He said he has to meet with that guy and it's going to be very awkward. He said it might be as awkward as it is between Howard, Howie and Sharon during the breaks on AGT.
Howard said he thought Obama's speech was great at the DNC. Obama thanked him for that and asked when they're going to come hang out at the White House. Howard said he's never been invited. Obama said he would like both of them to come hang out. Howard let him go a short time later. Robin said it would be great if they had a president would could actually be like that.
Howard said he has a clip of the show from 1997 when they were talking about Tiger Woods. Howard said it's very weird to hear this right now. Howard played the clip and Robin was saying that if Tiger had personal problems then he might just keep going. Howard was saying that if he was Tiger he'd be going after whores. Howard said maybe they heard them back then and that's how they stopped him from winning.
Ass Napkin Ed called in and Howard said that Ed went to Vegas and he's not sure how he affords that. Ed said that Jasmine Tame paid for it. Howard said Ed was in Vegas at Ronnie's block party. He said that was annoying and he has to talk to Ronnie about that. Robin said that was major news. Ed said that Ronnie had a meltdown. Howard said that's because he doesn't behave. Ed said that he was drinking water and not beer like they thought.
Howard played tape of Ed and Speech Impediment Man arguing during the show. Howard said he can't imagine what it's like to be Ed arguing with people all the time.
Ronnie and JD came in to tell the story. Ronnie said that he knew that Ed was going to be a problem and he didn't want to be involved. He said Ed followed him around a bit and he talked to him. He said he wasn't drinking on Friday night. Then on Saturday in the middle of Shuli's act he started harassing Shuli during his act. Ed said that Shuli said he could do that. Ronnie said he didn't tell him he could do that. Ronnie said he could go up on stage if he was asked to come on stage. Ed said he didn't know that. Ronnie said they threw him out after that.
Howard played the clip of Ed and Speech Impediment Man arguing at the after party. They were yelling at each other and Speech said he was going to rip his head off and shit down his throat. He told him not to fuck with him. Ed seemed to be kind of calm compared to Speech. They were arguing about who is on the show more and Speech told him to do something other than shit in a bucket.
Ronnie said that Ed was taken out in an ambulance too. Ed said that's because it's like 120 degrees out there and he's not used to that. Ronnie said that's because he's drunk and he's dehydrated. Ronnie said he gets out of control wherever he goes. JD said he was at a bikini contest and he was sticking his tongue out at the girls too.
Speech Impediment Man called in and said that Ed goes out and calls him a fucking asshole and he's not sure what his gig is. He said he's on Facebook and not doing shit. Speech told him that he doesn't do anything but shit in a bucket. Ed said he hasn't seen him doing his comedy either. The two of them were going off on each other for a few seconds. Speech said he wants to challenge him to a fight. Ed said that he threatened him but he didn't do what he said he was going to do. Howard said that they must know that they're not part of the show. JD said they show up no matter what.
Howard asked Speech if he has ever beaten anyone up. Speech said of course he has. Ronnie said he shows up in a costume that's pretty funny. Howard asked Speech if he's ever shit down anyone's neck like he threatened to do. Speech said ''Yeah!'' Howard said that Ed was taken out of there in an ambulance for just hanging out. Imagine what would happen after a fight.
Howard said Sal was acting like an asshole out there too. He said that he heard the news report about Sal being out of control. Speech said that Sal was with some hot chick out there. JD said it was just a stripper. They were all over the place.
Jon Leiberman came in and said that Sal was upset that they didn't have a cabana for him and then his food took 4 hours to get to him. He said the drinks were $30 each and Sal wrote on a receipt ''Fuck you bitch'' when he got the bill. Jon said that he interviewed the guy at the pool about it and he didn't know who Sal was before this happened. He said now he knows because of what he wrote.
Sal came in and said that he went down there and ordered drinks at 12:30 and then the food didn't come until 5:30. Howard cut him off and said his teeth are too white. Howard said he had nice teeth that weren't noticeable but now all you see are his teeth.
Sal said he asked the woman where his food was at 1:30 and she said it was on the way. He said he waved his arms to get her attention. He said he ordered a burger and some basic food for them. He said she came up an hour later and told them that the food was on the way. Sal said he wanted her to get a manager. Howard said it kind of did have something to do with her. Sal said at 4 o'clock no manager came up. He said the waitress thought they had settled it. Sal said his buddy went to get some food and then the food shows up at 5. He said this was ridiculous. Sal said they were eating and the bill was $180. He said that she took the food off but the drinks were $30 each. Sal said that they didn't tell them what the drinks were going to cost and that's when he freaked out and told her to go fuck herself.
Sal said the hotel was another story. He said the place is huge and he gets to his room and the door won't open. He said he called the front desk at the Hard Rock Hotel and he told them that he had the wrong tower. He said he went to the right room and the key still didn't work. Sal said that he went to get a new key and no one was there to help him out. He said he was a little upset about the way he was being treated. Howard said he can understand why he'd be upset. Ronnie said no one else had a problem. Howard said that the drink thing was bullshit. Sal said he still paid the bill and gave the waitress her gratuity. He wrote on the receipt ''go fuck yourself'' but it was meant for her manager.
Howard asked who the hot blonde was. Sal said she was a stripper she wanted to go to the champagne room with him but he didn't want to blow all the money he made out there. He said he was treated like horse shit out there at the Hard Rock. Sal said he had a bad day out there.
Jon Leiberman said that Sal acted like Sal acts. He said he had a right to be angry about the food but maybe not the drinks. Sal said that they rip people off with that drink thing. Howard asked what this special cup was. Ronnie said it's one of those big cups that's a little different than the other cups. Sal said that it's like a giant cup that you see people carrying around out on the street. Sal said he paid $180 for those fucking things.
Jon asked Sal about the cabana. Sal said that they had a cabana there and they didn't have it ready for them yet. He said that they finally got into it and then ordered the food that took 5 hours to get to them.
Howard said he had to go to AGT without Ronnie and he was inconvenienced by that. Howard said it turns out Ronnie does a lot and he can't do that without him again. Ronnie said it won't happen again. He said that was the only two days he missed in the whole season.
Jon said that Scott the Engineer called Ronnie a hypocrite for not being there for Howard. Howard said Scott is a nut. He said he did ask where Ronnie was and wondered why he would give him the time off. Howard said the security guys were fine but Ronnie is his conduit. He said the guy is good. He said he wouldn't have him if he wasn't good. Howard said he sounds and looks like he wouldn't be good but he actually is good. Sal said he looks like Colonel Sanders today.
Ronnie said that they got picked up at the airport out in Vegas and Sal was on the phone throwing his shit fit about the cabana. Sal said they were supposed to have one for them. Ronnie said they actually weren't supposed to have one. He said that Sal threw his fit and got one. Howard asked Sal if he's getting out of control. Sal said he's really not and he's very low key.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had the same problems that Sal had out at the Hard Rock. He said they screwed him around the same way. He said that it's hard to get mad at the girls though because they're so hot. Sal said that's probably why he still gave his waitress a tip.
Jon told Howard that they had the bikini contest out there and one girl took her top off. They weren't happy about that at the hotel. You're not allowed to do that. Jon told Howard that he should listen to the clip he had. Howard played the clip and Ronnie gave his girlfriend a 0 score in the contest because she was just doing it for fun. Howard said it sounds like they had some fun even without Scott the Engineer. Howard asked what kind of money Scott could have made that day. Ronnie said for one day he could have made 3 grand. Howard asked what's wrong with that guy.
JD said he saw a girl get fingered in the pool. He said she was a little thick but the guy was fingering her. He said that his hand disappeared and the girl's eyes were rolling back in her head.
Howard said he heard that Richard Christy was out there and he almost drowned because he was carrying two beers in his hands and didn't want to let go. The guys confirmed that. Jon said that JD was knocked out of a poker tournament by Eric the Actor. JD said that he tried to bluff the guy but he had an ace and it was pissing him off. He said he had an ace like 8 hands in a row.
Ronnie said he lasted about 3 hours in the game. Ronnie also said that JD had a visitor in his room out there. Howard said this is giving him a whole life. JD didn't know what to say. He said he didn't do anything way crazy. He said he saw someone for a short time and that's that. He said it's not every place that it happens. He said nothing happened in Toronto. Howard asked if she was good looking. JD said she was. Jon said he heard she was there for two hours. JD said he doesn't think it was even an hour. JD didn't want to embarrass anyone so he wasn't talking about what happened.
JD said he's tired of getting yelled at by people he talks about. Howard asked if she gave him a bill afterward. JD said there was no bill. He said he didn't even spend money at the Crazy Horse. Jon said that the girls flock to JD at that place. Ronnie said that some other guys paid for them, that's why they flocked to him.
Jon said that the girls were flocking to JD at the poker tournament. JD said that they all had boyfriends though. Ronnie said that JD has a lot of girls he's met online and they come to see him. JD said this girl had to run when her phone started ringing. He said he's not sure if she didn't want anyone to know or what. JD said he doesn't mind the secrecy. Howard said he's like the elephant man. Howard asked if it was just one woman out there. JD said it was.
Dominic said that he just wants to marry this girl and move on. Howard said this will be his fifth marriage. Dominic said he wants everyone to be happy. Robin asked why he has to get married so quickly. Dominic said he'll tell them why. He said they'll think he's insane but they already think that. Dominic said that she wants to have kids and she's 37 years old. He said he wants to have more children too so he's going to do that with her. Robin just said ''Oh my god.''
Howard said he has to calm down. Dominic said he has to get his license back. Howard told him not to tell anyone he's involved with him. Dominic said he never says that. Howard said if he's going to threaten people he can't leave it on a voice mail. Dominic said he just lost his temper. Dominic said he made up with that guy already. He said it got out of hand and they're taking care of that. Howard said he has to get his license back and do a serious job and have a nice life. Howard said he has to stop it with this other stuff. Dominic said he's working on it and he is passionate about people being thin now. He said he had the band removed from his stomach. He said he's going to have the tire removed from his stomach and maybe someone will do it for free and he'll plug it on the Howard Stern Show. Howard said maybe he should get one of those bands on his mouth.
Dominic asked Gary to send him a Sirius radio so he can listen to the show again. Howard said he'll see what he can do. He let him go a short time later and then went to break.
Howard came back and gave Chuck Zito some plugs for an appearance he's making at a Harley Davidson dealer. He also said that he'll be on Sons of Anarchy this season. Howard said he has become a fan of that show. Chuck said he has too. He said that Chuck was suing the show. chuck said that he gave FX a pitch to do a motorcycle series and they told him that they weren't going to do one. Then a year later they were in talks to do a motorcycle show with someone else.
Chuck said he lost the summary judgment and he wasn't able to sue. He said that they changed judges on him halfway through the case and they walked in with 5 lawyers while he had one. Howard said they offered him a role on the show. Chuck said they did offer him that role a few days later. He said his lawyer told him that they wanted to meet with him and he thought that was great and wondered what alley they wanted to meet in.
Chuck said that Kurt Sutter had said some derogatory things about him. He said that he showed up to the meeting with a Sons of Anarchy jacket on that Kurt had given to Charlie Sheen. He said Sutter apologized to him for what he said and that he would love to have him on the show if he wanted to work with them. Robin asked if he was a big guy or not. Chuck said he's not a big guy at all.
Howard said it sounds like they wanted him on the show. Chuck said he liked the guy 10 minutes into the meeting and it takes a long time to get him to like someone. Chuck said he plays the part of a guy who goes to Charming to straighten shit out and he gets transferred to Charming as part of the gang. Chuck said that his character, Frankie Diamonds, goes nuts in the show.
Howard asked Chuck about joining a show that's already in progress. Howard said the show is ridiculous and everyone kills everyone else. chuck said he got 10 years for a phone call he never even made and these guys kill people and don't go to jail. Chuck said that the show is a little out there. He said that they were under surveillance 24/7 when he was in the Hell's Angels. He said that they do some realistic type stuff on the show but they have to blow it up a little bit for TV.
Howard asked about when guys want to leave a club and if it's true you can't just leave. Chuck said it's a fictitious club so they could make people go through some shit. Howard said that the jacket gets cut and that's realistic. Howard said one guy gets kicked out and the guy has a Sons of Anarchy tattoo on his back and they wanted it removed. Chuck said that it is something that they will ask you to do. He said you can leave honorably and keep it but if you leave dishonorably then they will take it off in any way they can. He said it comes off no matter what. Chuck said if you lie, cheat or steal then you get it removed.
Howard said this is exciting for Chuck Zito. He said he was reading about Chuck being worth $2 million. Chuck said he just got home last night to do the show tonight on Howard 101. He said he got home to no electricity. He said he's not making a lot of money. He said they're out of their mind thinking he's worth that kind of money. Howard said that was on Celebrity Net Worth. Chuck said he made $2,000 a week when he was on Oz. He said he didn't make a lot of money.
Chuck said that Sons of Anarchy has signed for 3 more years and he hopes that his character will continue on the show. He said that the first episode is tomorrow night on FX and he does some crazy stuff in that episode.
Howard said chuck has a new look with a Fu Manchu moustache and a new hair style. Chuck said that's his look for Sons of Anarchy. Chuck said that some of the guys on the show are real gang guys but a lot of the guys just learned to ride when they started doing the show. He said the guy who plays Jax rides to the set on his motorcycle every day. He said he likes that.
Howard asked Chuck if he's getting laid. Chuck had a picture of some chick on his phone that he showed Howard. Howard asked if there are chicks on the set. Chuck said they keep the set closed so you can't bring anyone down there. He said they don't want the secrets of the show getting out.
Howard asked Chuck about going out with this chick in Los Angeles. Chuck said that he never falls in love. He said that he was married to his wife for along time and that did not end well. He said it took a long time to get over that. He said they were childhood sweethearts. He said they're not in touch anymore and his daughter hasn't spoken to him in 13 years. He said he has two grand kids that he doesn't even know. Howard said you'd think that he'd want to get married again and start a new family. Chuck said he doesn't know about that. He said that the whole thing is very painful. He said his wife did something and his daughter takes it out on him. He said that she's his step daughter and she sided with her. Chuck said that there are two sides to every story. He said he told Howard that she had an affair for a year before he even found out. He said he turns out to be the bad guy though. He said that's the way things happen.
Chuck said that Tony Scott was supposed to direct a film about the Hell's Angles and he killed himself. Chuck said that he knew the guy and he was a good guy.
Howard asked Chuck how he got into a motorcycle gang. Chuck said he saw a motorcycle movie when he was a kid and that got him inspired to modify his bike and jacket to look like a Hell's Angels kind of look. He said that it was Sonny Barger who got him into it. He said that he got to know Sonny and that was a big deal. He said that Sonny is on the show playing Lenny the Pimp. He said he's 74 years old now and he rides a motorcycle every day.
Howard asked if they have a room like they do on Sons of Anarchy where they vote. Chuck said they do. He said that they called it ''church'' but that's the way they did things. He said there are some things on the show that are bullshit. Howard said they make it seem like the prospects are treated like shit. chuck said it's not that bad in the real clubs.
Howard asked Chuck if the cops ever came in and destroyed the club like they did on the show. Chuck said he has been through stuff like that.
Howard asked if the black thing is true. He said that on Sons of Anarchy they have black and white clubs and you can't be black and be in the white club. Chuck said he was in the mixed clubs and that stuff doesn't seem to be so true.
Howard said Jeff Ross was on the show recently and told a story about how protective Chuck was of Charlie Sheen. Howard said Chuck was ready to take care of Jeff for Charlie. Chuck said he does some great jokes and he's a great guy. He said Jeff didn't joke about him though. Chuck said he may not take it so well if someone jokes about him. Chuck said he used some of Jeff's jokes in a roast of Charlie Sheen once. He said that he walked up there and they thought that it was going to be Jeff Ross. He said they were booing him at first. He said he wanted to go down and kick the shit out of some people at first. He said they eventually warmed up to him though.
Howard asked Chuck if he looks for fights. Chuck said he avoids it now. He said that they look for fights and then sue you. He said he will walk away as long as they don't put their hands on him. If they do that then he'll beat the shit out of them.
Howard said he was reading about Gracie Jiu-Jitsu and this guy who beat the shit out of this guy who was going to mug him. He tweeted out while he was beating the shit out of him. He said that's great. chuck said he's on Twitter (@RealChuckZito) and Facebook now and he's starting to learn how to do that. He said that's all because of Howard. chuck said he never learned to type so he has a tough time with that. He said his fingers are big too so it's really tough to type. He said his finger hits like 3 keys at one time. It takes him a long time to respond to people when they ask him questions.
Howard asked Chuck about the chicks he meets out in Los Angeles. Chuck said he goes to a restaurant every day to eat and there are chicks there. Howard asked if he bangs them right away. chuck said that he stays at a house out there and the guy is fine with that. He said that he has been asked to keep the girls a little quieter. He said some of them are very loud. Howard said he doesn't hear a peep out of anyone when he's banging them. Chuck said he was with one girl all night in a hotel. He said they left the room and in the room next to him a couple of people came out and started applauding him.
Chuck said he met a girl out in Vegas and the girls can be in their early 20s. He said that some of them can be 25. Howard asked what he does to make it so loud. Chuck said maybe they're faking it. He said he's not sure if all girls scream like that. Howard said maybe they're trying to get away. Howard asked if it's when he's licking them or fucking them. Chuck said that they do that when he's fucking them. Howard asked if it makes him blow a load real quick when they scream like that. Chuck said he is done pretty quick with some of them. He said he likes to take his time usually but sometimes he can't.
Chuck doesn't use condoms either. Chuck said that he pulls out. Howard asked if he cums inside them. Chuck said sometimes he does. Howard said he uses condoms with his wife. Chuck asked what's wrong with him. Howard said he doesn't want kids. Chuck said you just pull out. Howard said he's a dribbler. Howard said Chuck is an outlaw. Chuck asked Howard what he's doing. Howard said he must not be living his life to the fullest. Chuck laughed at Howard for using condoms.
chuck said he had this beautiful girl out in Vegas and she had a heart problem. He said that he told her not to die on him when she started breathing heavy. He said that the cops never would have believed him if she died. Howard said if Chuck knocks someone up then what is he going to do. Chuck said he'd marry her. Robin said he meets them and fucks them on the same date. He only dates once. chuck laughed.
Howard said that Chuck never drank or did drugs. Chuck said he didn't do any of that. Howard said it's kind of strange he never did that. Chuck said his father was a boxer and he didn't do any of that bad stuff.
Howard asked where Chuck finishes when he pulls out. Chuck said he'll go wherever. He said he doesn't care where it goes.
Howard said that Chuck is going to be at Empire Harley Davidson in New Rochelle, New York signing autographs. Chuck said that he'll be there for four hours and he'll have Mickey Rourke's bike from some movie there. Chuck said that in Sons of Anarchy he is himself. He said he wears his clothes and his jewelry. He said that he had his own motorcycle out there too. Chuck said that he does get to show is own bike on the show but they didn't want him riding it because it was too flashy.
Howard asked if he wears a helmet when he rides. Chuck said you have to but he's glad you have to because he's had four accidents and his helmet got cracked when he crashed.
Howard said Chuck is doing his show on Howard 101 tonight at 7. Howard asked if he's doing it with the same people. Chuck said it's all the same guys.
Chuck showed Howard a bullet that he was going to give to Howard. He said it's from Bullets4Peace.com. He said that this guy got shot and the bullet went through this one guy's neck and hit a guy behind him and that guy lost his legs. He said they thought he'd like this one so they sent it along with him. He said they have a bunch of other stuff over there too. Chuck said they're still sending troops over to Afghanistan and that's just not right. He said that Obama promised to get us out of there but it's not happening. He said they're sending 70,000 more troops over there. He said they should just nuke the country.
Howard asked Chuck if he voted for Obama. chuck said he can't vote because he's a felon. He said he never voted anyway.
Chuck told Howard that after the signing tomorrow they're going to be riding to another place to watch Sons of Anarchy. Howard asked if he can ride on his bicycle. Chuck said anyone is welcome to drive along with them. He said there are car clubs that are going to be coming with them too. Chuck said that he knows Ronnie has that pace car now so he can drive along too. Howard rolled his eyes. Howard asked if Ronnie is too old for that. Chuck said it's worth money and it's a hobby. He said he's not too old for that.
Chuck said tomorrow will be a good day. He said they had a premiere for the show and they had this female boxer show up for that. He said she was in the Olympics and she is one bad ass. He said she was in a dress and she looked so hot. Howard asked if he would make love to her. Chuck said he would. He said she's 6-0. He said she's got to be in her early 20s. Howard said he can't believe they didn't make love yet. chuck said they just met the other night. He said she is hot. Howard asked if she could beat his ass in a fight. Chuck said he might let her.
Howard asked Chuck if it's ever okay to hit a girl. Chuck said it's never okay. He said he hears stories and they're just not right to hit girls no matter what. He said if you don't like the chick then just leave and let them be.
Chuck told Howard about a girl who asked to sit with him the other night. He said he told her not to sit down but she was about to sit so he told her to get the fuck away from him. He said she was sloppy and he doesn't like sloppy chicks. He said a hot chick can sit down no matter what but he won't let the sloppy ones sit. He said that he's very picky.
Howard took a call from a guy and said that he had to wrap up. Chuck asked why they had to end it so soon. Howard said he's been on for an hour already. Chuck said he didn't know he was being timed.
The caller asked if Chuck has a big cock. Howard asked if he is big. Chuck said he has never measured. He said that he doesn't need to measure. Howard said he has 6 inches measured from the balls. He said he shoves everything in there. chuck said he's had some girls say that he's not going to put that thing in them. Howard said he must be big then. Howard wrapped up and gave Chuck some more plugs before going to break.
Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He said that they're working on a new software thing where they'll be communicating like you would on Facebook. Jon said that they will have status updates and you'll be able to get in there as long as you're part of this group. Howard said he's very excited about this. He said that it's good when people collaborate. Jon said they'll definitely be doing that on this service. Howard said he and Jon were on the thing for hours. He said they were on for like 2 1/2 hours one day. Robin said she spent a Saturday with Jon, Ralph and Jason. She said that she was listening on Sirius, she wasn't actually with them.
Howard said on TMZ they say that Kanye West used to watch Kim Kardashian doing some guy on a sex tape while he was doing other chicks. Now he's with her. He found that interesting.
Jon got to his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down what they were going to talk about and mentioned Chuck Zito. Howard said Chuck gets better looking every time he sees him. Robin asked about the moustache. Howard said it looks great. He asked Robin if that's what she thought too. Robin said of course and laughed. Howard said no one says chuck looks bad. Jon quickly ran through the rest of his stuff after that.
The caller also brought up JD's stories so Howard talked about how nutty JD is. Howard said he asked the gang what they wanted to hear him talk about on Letterman and Robin gave a bunch of great ideas. Howard said that JD wrote him a note and he told him that he should do what Ellen does and hide in the guest green room bathroom and he'll jump out and scare the guest in there. Howard said he was just asking for something that they've heard on the show or something. Howard said JD was writing a bit. JD said he did ask for ideas. Howard said he wanted ideas of things to talk about, not a whole bit. Howard said JD is out of his mind. JD said he's thinking out of the box. Howard said that it would have been a whole bit. He wanted him to pretend to pull out a gun and shoot Dave. JD said it was a parody of an Ellen bit. Howard asked Fred what he thought of that. Fred did his JD voice and talked about beheading Paul Shaffer for the bit. Howard said that was a crazy fucking email. JD said he did ask for ideas. JD said that he's not going to send him ideas anymore. Howard said he knew he shouldn't have said anything.
Howard said he's proud of JD for getting laid out in Vegas. JD said he wishes he could have written ideas for Letterman. He said he does like that they laughed. Howard asked JD if he wears rubbers. JD said he does... not that anything happened. Howard said he believes what when women have sex with JD they know how to turn off their eggs to reject JD's sperm.
The caller asked if he could have that tombstone that they were looking to give away. Howard said they don't want to get rid of it. He didn't want to get into it then.
Howard said that he heard that Richie Wilson invited Benjy without his girlfriend to their wedding. He said he heard Elisa Jordana responding to that and being upset and hurt by that. Howard said he felt bad for Benjy and Elisa over that. Benjy said that it really wasn't fair.
Richie Wilson came in and said that he has realized that it wasn't cool to do that. He said he felt really bad about the whole thing. He said that he was going to talk to Benjy off the air about it. Howard said that Elisa really was hurt by it from what he could tell. He's glad that Richie feels bad about it though. They went to break a short time later.
Robin said that this ''Suri'' (Siri) thing doesn't work right. Howard said he uses ''Suri'' all the time. He said he uses it to type for him. Howard said he uses it to set alarms and stuff like that. He said he'll ask it to show him pictures or tell him the weather. Howard said it's instant and he doesn't have to type anything. Robin said she likes the John Malkovich commercial where he talks to ''Suri'' and it tells him jokes and makes him laugh. Howard said in 20 years it'll be like a real woman. Robin said someone took a picture and Siri told them that it was Poison Ivy. Robin said a friend of her's asked Siri to show them Poison Ivy and it showed them the band, not the plant.
Howard said he went and got a Google Voice phone number. He said that when you call it transcribes the message for you. Robin said she left a message for him. Howard said he has the number and it will notify him when someone calls. Howard said Robin left a message telling him how busy she's been. Howard said she has to slow down.
Howard said he had Robin out to his house for Jimmy Kimmel's engagement party. Howard said he loves Jimmy and Molly. He said Jimmy is all stoked about that 11:30 time slot. Howard said he works really hard on that show so it's good that he'll be on at 11:30. Robin said that Leno and Letterman have seen their revenue decrease in the past year while Jimmy has seen an increase.
Howard said they got Jimmy a cake and it was the greatest cake ever. He said he was eating it for days. Robin said that Howard started her singing so she missed out on a lot of stuff. Gary said Howard didn't start her singing. She started it herself.
Howard said they had this cake made and it had a picture with Jimmy and Molly on it. He said they looked horrible on the cake but the cake was delicious.
Howard said Jimmy Fallon and Billy Joel were at the party and that's who Robin was singing with. She went for an hour and a half. Robin said she figure she should join a glee club. Gary said he was thinking that if Robin stopped singing he could have heard Billy Joel singing. Howard told Gary to stop being a douche. Robin said she was just singing harmonies. Howard said they had a nice time at the party. Robin said Billy told her she was doing good harmonies. Howard said Billy told him he was handsome too.
Robin said Howard was worried that no one was having fun. Howard said he's such a nut that he thought no one was having a good time. He said he always thinks that. Robin said Jimmy was grinning from ear to ear the whole time. Howard said they had a continuous loop of Jimmy and Molly pictures and Jimmy was laughing at it. Howard said it was an engagement party so that's why they had that. Howard said he had an engagement party book too. He said that they had pages where you could sign stuff to the couple. Robin said the funny thing was that no one there knew Jimmy. Howard said that's because all of his friends are out in L.A. Howard said he did the best he could.
Robin read about Richard Bach, the author who wrote the book ''Jonathan Livingston Seagull,'' crashing his plane and how he's only able to say a few words now. That led to Fred playing Crackhead Bob clips as Bach giving names for possible future book titles. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read some football news. She had some news about the Jets winning 48-28. Robin said she heard that it was mostly Mark Sanchez. Howard said he heard they threw Tebow in a few times. Robin said they did but it seems like Sanchez is the guy. Gary came in to discuss the game since he's a big Jets fan. They spent a few minutes talking about Sanchez and Tebow. Robin read some other football news after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't like the move he does when he's introduced on AGT. Howard said everyone loves it. The caller said when they come to him he should match his fist logo instead. Howard said this is AGT and he thinks that the move he does is better. He does Howie's move and then he does Sharon's heart and then does the Vulcan hand sign and goes into the Three Stooges thing where he puts his hands on his head and chin and shakes them and then does the push with his hand. He tells a whole story with that. He said he tells a whole story of AGT with his move. Robin said they cut it off sometimes so you don't get to see the whole move. Howard said they ask him now so they know when to end it.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a guy who killed his girlfriend after she told him that she had HIV. Howard asked if she knew she had it before she made love to the guy. Robin said apparently she did. The guy apparently snapped when she told him and he killed the woman by stabbing her to death. Howard said that's weird to tell someone after having sex. Howard said he can't blame the guy for snapping. Howard said he couldn't kill someone but he would be enraged if someone did that to him. Howard asked if he got HIV as a result. Robin said they don't say in the article. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about OJ Simpson being in the news over the weekend. Robin said that Christopher Darden was on a panel at some event and he said he felt that the defense had tampered with the lining of the gloves that didn't fit OJ's hands. Howard said he's starting to feel that OJ did it. Howard said that if you were on trial for your life then you'd probably pretend that the gloves don't fit. Howard said he can make his glasses not fit. He demonstrated that for Robin. Then he went into another live commercial read.
Robin read a story about last night's 60 Minutes where they had a Navy SEAL who claims to be the one who shot Osama Bin Laden. Howard said he missed that. He said he was watching the MTV Video Music Awards. Robin read about what this SEAL was saying about the shooting and what it was like to be there. Robin had some audio of him speaking on 60 Minutes last night too. Howard was confused by the guy giving his real name and then using a pseudonym to write the book. Robin said the government is saying that he could be brought up on charges because he didn't have permission to write this book.
Robin read about the 9/11 anniversary coming up tomorrow. Howard said he kept turning on the news last night and seeing 9/11 stories and he didn't know why. He forgot that 9/11 is tomorrow. Howard wondered what the fuck is wrong with him.
Robin read about Prince Harry doing some training in Afghanistan. Robin said the Taliban wants to kill Prince Harry so they're going to do what they can to find him.
Robin had some audio of Ann Romney defending herself over some comments that were said about them not being able to feel empathy for regular people. Howard said he thinks that they're going to lose and Obama is going to pull out another win. Howard said people really don't seem to like Romney. Howard said that he has to get away from the religious maniacs on the right. Howard said most people like that legalized abortion is in place and you can't get rid of that. He said these people are assholes. Howard said the republican party would have a clean sweep if they didn't have these tea party people and weren't against the gays and abortion. Howard said they should just get over it.
Howard ended up talking about the Republican National Convention and how strange that was with Clint Eastwood. Howard said he thought he was watching the Expendables or something. Howard said he really wants to see the Expendables 2.
Howard said that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan have a bromance going and it's like they're gay for each other. Howard said it's almost as bro-mancy as Jon Hein and Gary. Howard said the Clint Eastwood thing was kind of sad. Howard talked about how he was talking to that empty chair and he had nothing to say basically. Howard said that was something else.
Howard said he watched the VMA awards and the thing it showed him is that people really love gay music. Howard said that's the one thing he learned. Howard said they're really out of it at this point. He said they just don't get it with the music that's out now. That led to Howard playing audio of the top 5 songs to show just how out of touch they are.
Howard ended up doing his Ted Kennedy impression. They were talking about the Kennedy that's dating Taylor Swift. Howard spent a few minutes doing the impression.
Robin read a story about Serena Williams winning her fourth U.S. Open. Howard said she's massive. Howard said she has huge shoulders and legs. He wondered where she hides her penis. Robin told him to stop it. Robin said that she almost lost yesterday but she pulled it out. Howard asked if she really pulled it out. Robin told him to stop it again.
Robin read about a young boy who saved the family by driving the family car when the father started showing signs of a problem. Robin had some audio of the kid talking about the incident.
Jon said that JD tried to write a bit for Howard's Letterman appearance. JD said that everyone laughed at it when Howard read it. That's what he wanted. JD said that wasn't the craziest idea he had. He said that he had another one where he thought Howard should go out and bring binders and books saying he had to do his fantasy football draft. Jon asked if that's a little autobiographical. JD said it's really not. He said he knows about fantasy football. He said he actually did send that idea to Howard. He didn't hear back about that.
Jon brought up the Richie Wilson wedding and what's going on with Benjy's girlfriend not being invited. JD said he don't know but he was invited to the wedding and to the bachelor party.
Jon got back to the Las Vegas thing and asked JD if it was more or less crazy. JD said it seemed less crazy. He said that he didn't get into too much craziness. He said he has gone to strip clubs in the past but he didn't do that this time.
Jon asked if Ronnie shouldn't have gone based on what Howard said. JD said he isn't sure about that. Shuli told the guys that Ronnie wasn't going to be with Howard no matter what. This wasn't because of the block party that he wasn't going to be there. He had other work out there and they planned the block party around that.
Gary came in and said that he was shocked at how Sal turned that whole discussion around. He said that he was amazed at how he did that. Shuli said there are 9 million ways Sal could have handled the situation there. He said he could have asked for help from someone else. Jon cut the guys off and said he had to take a break and get Sal in there before moving on with that story.
Sal told the guys that he had a great time out in Vegas despite what he was saying about the hotel. He said he did tell Shuli about what was going on and Shuli had no problem with what he was doing. He said if he had a problem he wouldn't have said a thing. Sal said he only voiced his opinion after he asked about it. Shuli said he didn't know he was going to write '' go fuck yourself'' on the check. Sal said Shuli laughed and told him to go nuts.
Sal said that they're ripping people off out there and he's not going to let them get away with that. Sal said he paid the check and he did give the girl an 18 percent tip. Shuli said he doesn't believe he paid the check or gave the tip. He said he knows how Sal acts when he gets drunk. Sal said he waited 5 hours for his food and his room key didn't work. He said that he was out by the pool sweating his ass off and he had no place to sit.
Shuli cut him off and said that he gave Jon a different story when he told him about the check. Sal said that he's sticking by his side of the story. He said they were shitty. Shuli said that they were the ones who hired him for the gig. They asked for him over Richard Christy. Sal said they should have sent over a manager then.
Shuli and Sal went back and forth arguing about that for a minute. Sal said that Shuli should have said something to him when he asked if he was okay with him going off on the place. Shuli said that he's a man and he should take responsibility for what he did. Shuli said he should have gone to Sequoia about his problems. Shuli said that he doesn't go and shit on anyone when they have bad shows. He said Sal didn't need to do what he did.
Gary said as a patron he understands him getting upset. He asked if he expected someone to recognize him. Sal said no one should know who he is. Gary said he just said they should. Sal said that they were doing the shows there and the bikini contest. He said that they should have had someone know who they were. Gary asked how they would have known it was them. Sal said they should have had a chair at the pool. That's all he assumed. Gary said he went to the pool expecting them to know he was coming. Sal said he was acting like a normal person and trying to find a chair. He said he called Sequoia and he got them the cabana. He said that they didn't get him food for 5 hours either.
Jon Leiberman came in so Jon Hein asked him if Sal is changing his story. Leiberman said that Sal said the time was 5 hours and now he's saying 3-3 1/2 hours. Sal said that it was a long time. He went off on Leiberman and said that he's slithering into this now. Sal said that they're trying to make him look bad. Leiberman said that Sal told the waitress who he was. Sal said he did but that doesn't matter. Leiberman said that the pool manager said that Sal made it clear who it was. Sal said he did ask to speak to a manager and he never saw the girl again after she disappeared.
Gary asked Sal if he thinks that someone should have found Sal as a VIP and set him up with this stuff. Sal said that he was frustrated over the food situation. Sal said he wasn't looking for that. He said that Sequoia is the one who sets them up usually and he's been working with him for 6 years.
Shuli asked Sal if he can understand how this can reflect poorly on the rest of them. He said it was the first weekend he was with them and of course this is going to upset him. Sal said that he did have a few in him that day. He said that he did think about it and he did ask Shuli if it was okay. He said he thinks he took the right approach to the whole thing.
Sal said he did overreact to what happened. He said that he apologies to Shuli too. He said he's sorry if it's a poor reflection on the block party. Shuli said that they were okay this time but it could have turned into a disaster. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Ronnie about leaving Howard alone for a couple of days. Ronnie said that he thought he was in good hands and he thought that he would be okay. He said he talked to Howard about 3 months ago about the whole thing and he was fine with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that they really fucked up with this Sal thing. Shuli said he didn't think that Sal would react the way he did. Gary said it seems like the more miles they go the more Sal drinks. Jon said that his drinking is rivaling Richard's drinking. Shuli said he heard that Sal and Richard were drinking at the circle bar and Sal had so much that he was slurring his words. Ronnie said Richard never even made it to the bar. He passed out drunk with his wife. Gary said Sal can't drink like that at home so he takes advantage of that when he goes out drinking.
Gary asked if there's ever a chance that Scott will be back to do another show. Shuli said he doesn't hate the guy and he'd have him on as a guest.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have to get off of Sal's nuts about this. Gary said that he could have handled things in a different way. He said that Sal thought that he was going to be treated in a different way. He said he's not sure why that was if he didn't set anything up. Sal said he didn't think of it like that at first but then when things went down he thought about it and it bothered him. Gary said no one knew it was Sal other than Sal. He said that if they knew who he was and they kept treating him like that then maybe he'd have a problem. Sal said that's why he wanted to talk to a manager.
Jon asked Richard about how he almost drowned. Richard said that they were hanging out at the pool and he wanted to swim across to see JD and he had two beers in his hand. He said one guy almost swam out to try and save him but he was able to make it before he drowned. He said he got cheers when he made it. The guys had to wrap up and end the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about the opening song for the show and how powerful that is. He and Rob Zombie worked on that. Howard said he wishes he was back in the studio doing the song now. He sang a little bit of it and wondered how the song was going to be a commercial hit with the words mother fucker in there.
Howard asked Robin how she's doing. Robin said she's doing okay. Howard said he's okay too. He said he's hanging in there. He said he sits there at 6 in the morning realizing what a long day he has. Robin said he doesn't have AGT today. Howard said he has a lot of stuff to do. He has back to back meetings after the show. He said they have to go over the various comedy bits and the new system they'll be communicating on. Howard said they have their own little community online. He said Robin will last about 10 minutes on it. Robin said as long as it doesn't crash her computer she'll have a chance. Robin said that's what happened with Lotus Notes. Howard said he has Jeff Shick and Tim Sabean coming in for that meeting.
Howard said that people were telling him about this Pat Robertson thing that people were telling him about. He said that Pat was suggesting to someone that he move to Saudi Arabia to be able to beat his wife. Howard played a clip where Pat's co-host was reading a letter from a guy who said that his wife is disobedient and she even raise her hand to him like he's going to hit him. Pat jokingly suggests moving to Saudi Arabia. Then he said the guy has to stand up to the woman. Howard said this guy is out of his mind. He sides with the guy immediately. He kept saying that he should move to Saudi Arabia too.
Howard said people say he's irresponsible but they don't say anything about this guy. Howard said the TV stations put this guy on the air. Robin said they have to pay for the air time though. Howard said Pat Robertson is such an asshole. He said he is irresponsible. Howard said a lot of guys think they're reasonable and their wives are idiots but they're really not. Howard said this is like Sal's wife going out and getting an emotional friend. He said it would be like telling Sal to beat her. That's just crazy. Robin said the co-host doesn't even argue with him.
Howard said Sal is the guy who wrote this song and then played ''Beat My Wife.'' Howard said that's an angry dude. That sounds like the kind of guy who wrote to Pat Robertson. Robin said that you have to give it to Pat for exposing what they're all about. She said they're like the Taliban.
Howard played a clip of Bill Clinton that was actually a couple of lines from a song called ''Suck My Dick Bitch.'' Howard also played a President Obama election ad that they created.
Howard said Eli Braden put together a new song for Robin. He played that as well. That was called ''Big Boobs on Robin.'' Howard asked Robin if she liked that one. Robin said it didn't take much.
Howard said he does like JD but he didn't want ideas like that pitched. He said he's sorry he asked. Howard said Robin sent a nice email giving him some ideas. Howard said JD wanted him to come out carrying binders and stuff. Howard said JD cracks himself up when he tells these ideas. Howard said JD was writing Saturday Night Live type sketches.
Fred did his impression of JD telling Howard some more ideas for Letterman. Howard and Fred went back and forth doing their impressions and making up crazy things for him to do on the show.
JD came in so Howard asked if he had anymore ideas. JD said he didn't. Howard asked what he was thinking. JD said he read the email and he had just seen Bruce Willis on Letterman and he does bits. Howard said some guests do that. He said Steve Martin records bits for the show. He said there are some guests who are allowed to do that. Howard did more of his JD voice and goofed on his wacky ideas some more. He and Fred were coming up with more wacky stuff that Howard would never do.
Fred came up with one where he'd have Howard cut Dave's suit off with a box cutter. Howard said he doesn't think that Dave would be naked.
Howard said someone wrote him back and said that he should go out and take pictures with Dave. That was Jason. Howard said Jason is off his rocker too. Howard quickly got back into his JD voice and suggested taking peanut butter and putting it on his junk and having a dog lick it off. JD said he had to leave. Howard and Fred kept going with the ideas. JD said they were coming up with some funny ideas. Howard said JD loses confidence halfway through the explanation. He said at least he doesn't lose it when he writes them down.
Howard said he encourages him to keep writing those bits. JD said he will when they come through. Howard said maybe he could sit on Dave with his fantasy football pick books. Howard asked JD if that's what he's working on. JD said it is on his mind a lot. He said he has a decent team. Howard said maybe they should ban that from the show.
Howard asked JD if he ever wins. JD said sometimes he does. He said he doesn't win in the Stern Show league. Gary said he's been last for the past two years. Gary said the guys say he works the hardest but he ends up last. Howard said he has the most time to work on it since he has no one at home when he goes home.
Howard said they have a write up of the Stern Show fantasy league on HowardStern.com.
Howard asked who came in first this week. JD said he thinks it was Jason. Howard cut JD off when he was trying to say something but Howard said he knew he wasn't going to finish his thought. He told JD to finish it now. JD told Howard something about the Jets and how they're a better fantasy team than a real team.
Howard and Fred kept goofing on JD. Howard asked how many leagues he's in. JD said he's in a few. Howard asked him for the details and found out he's in like 8. He has to pay to be in these leagues and he quickly got up to $350 for the leagues he's in. JD told him there are a couple that are free. Howard said he thinks that he's lying. He said he has to be paying more than $350. JD said he's in a couple of free ones. Howard wondered why he would do that for free. He said it doesn't make sense to be in one for free. JD said they do have a trophy for one of them. JD said he hasn't won any of those though. Howard told JD that it's not very manly to be in a free one.
Howard asked JD about winning a spelling bee when he was a kid. He won that at the age of 12. That's one trophy he has. Howard said he won a trophy in 4th grade when he wrote something about a fire. Howard said when chicks see what JD has in that trophy case it's not going to be that much of a turn on. He said it might chase them out of his apartment.
Robin said she learned that JD watches moves on fast forward. JD said he has a lot of things to watch. Howard asked what he watches. JD said you can watch stuff on the Playstation 3 where it's 1.5 speed. He said you can sort of understand. Howard asked what enjoyment you get out of that. JD said it's not everything but if he just wants to get through something then he'll do that. He did that with The Wire. Howard asked why he bothered watching if he's not going to watch it. JD said that Jon Hein and Steve Brandano won't shut up about it so he had to get through it. Howard said that doesn't make sense to him. He said that he had to watch it the right way. JD said he didn't watch it all in fast forward. Howard said it really doesn't make sense to do that. JD said that they were talking so highly of it that he had to watch it fast forward. Howard goofed on JD about that and said he could watch JD all day in slow motion.
Howard asked JD why he holds on to his 4th grade trophy. JD said he holds on to all of that stuff. He said he doesn't sit and stare at it. He said they're on a shelf in his bedroom. Howard asked if girls come in and say ''Wow!'' JD said hardly any girls come up there. Howard said he had that stripper up there. JD said he hasn't told them about the trophies. Robin asked if he'll bring them in. JD said he won't lug them all in. He said they're not that big of a deal. Howard said he didn't do anything that special. He just got them for showing up. JD said he's not bragging about them. He said they're off to the side and he never looks at them. Howard said he should put up a velvet rope and have a guard on them.
Howard asked if any chick has ever asked what they're all about. JD said they're off to the side on a wall. Howard said they're on display. JD said they're not on display, they're just on a shelf. Robin said that is a display. JD said he doesn't know. He said he's had his room set up like this since he was a kid. Howard said he has out grown Pam Anderson posters so maybe it's time to out grow this. JD said maybe it is. Howard asked if he has the Playstation in there too. JD said that's out in the living room. Howard asked if any chick ever asked about the awards. JD said they don't ask. Howard said you'd think that would be the first thing they'd look at.
Howard asked if he'd let the Howard TV guys film them. JD said no, no, no. Howard said he has to see these trophies. JD said maybe he'll take a picture of them but that's all he'll do. Howard said it's fine if that's what he wants to do with them. He said he must be proud of them. JD said he's not proud. Howard and Fred kept doing their JD impressions goofing on him about the trophies.
Howard said he had a writing award that fell apart. He said if he had that he'd display it in his bedroom. Howard sang a song as JD mumbling. He told JD he has to lose those trophies. He said he has to sophisticate it up a little bit. Then he said he's not sure if that's what he should do. He said JD must not be thinking straight. He said he should have a bachelor pad and fix up that room. Howard asked what else he has in that room. He said it must be like a house or horrors. JD said it's not pretty. Fred, as JD, asked if he's ever seen Silence of the Lambs with Buffalo Bill. JD said he doesn't have room for anything like that.
Howard asked if he's ever had a girl run out of the room. JD said he hasn't had that many up there. Howard asked if he has any posters hanging on his wall. JD said the only one he has is a Subway system poster. Fred did his JD voice and said he was circling the area where he had his iPod stolen from him.
JD said he doesn't even have a closet in that room. Howard asked where he keeps his clothes. JD said they're hanging up somewhere. Howard asked where he keeps all of his stuff. JD said he has stuff in boxes. Howard asked if his underwear and socks are out in the open. JD said he could buy a dresser. Howard said they sell hutches too. He said he could get something to put his clothes in. Howard said that's what he should be doing with the money he's spending on the fantasy football league. Howard said girls are going to run out of that apartment when they see that room. JD asked if he can leave yet. Howard said he can't. He said he's trying to help him. Howard said he cares about JD and he's worried about him. He said it sounds like his room is a mess.
Robin asked why he has to keep a subway map in his room. JD said he has one on his phone now so he doesn't really need it. Howard said maybe he can frame some pictures for his walls. He said he could sign one for him or something. Howard said maybe he can go shopping with him. JD said he has to figure it out on his own and be an adult. Howard said he should take a picture of his trophies and put that on the wall instead.
Howard told JD to figure it all out this weekend. Howard said he'll go shopping with him today if he wants. JD said they're all very busy today. Howard said it sounds like an emergency. He said he has to live it up a little with that room. Howard said it's like his fortress of solitude. He said it sounds very depressing with the way the room is set up.
Howard said he'll end the show right now and go shopping with him. JD said he's more needed there. Howard said he's not so sure about that. He said he's trying to think for JD. He said he needs a nice room like the mom cave thing that Beth does. Howard said he's sure JD's bed looks like a mess with coils coming through and stuff. Howard asked when he got the bed. JD said he's done and he doesn't want to get into it. Howard asked what he was going to say. JD said the guy who was there before built a platform and there's a mattress on that.
Robin said JD needs a captain's bed with drawers under it so he can put his stuff away. JD didn't even know what that was. Howard said that's what he needs. Howard and Fred goofed on JD some more about that. They were doing their impressions of him talking about his new drawers where he keeps his underwear and stuff.
Howard said this is JD's only room and it's a mess. He needs help. JD said he's fine. JD said he just wants to be left alone. Robin said they did leave him alone and look what happened. Howard said it's depressing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hates to be a dick because he loves JD. He asked if those trophies are from eating. JD said he's been the same weight for the past 2 years. The caller said he looks pretty big to him. JD said he's 205 pounds. He just weighed himself yesterday. He said he's 5'10'' tall and he's a little overweight. Howard said he's not sloppy. Robin said he's not. She said he wears a nice shirt. JD thanked her for that.
Howard asked what word he won his spelling bee with. JD said he didn't remember the earlier one but the later one was with the word ''Implausible.'' Howard said he probably lost because he doesn't know how to say the word. He was saying it as ''Amplausible.''
Howard said he's thinking of hiring an English teacher to help him out with his punctuation. Howard said he thinks JD should get that room straightened up for women. He said that women are going to run if they see that mess. Howard said he should get an armoire. Howard tried spelling that but he quickly gave up. Howard said a captain's bed is a good idea for JD. He said he should have one nice picture up on the wall too. He said maybe it's Johnny Cash giving the finger or something. JD said he's not an angry guy. Howard said he should be. He said he has every right to be. JD laughed. Howard said he has to have a picture that says who JD is.
Howard did his JD voice and said ''If this captain's bed is a rockin'... that means I'm jerking off.'' JD laughed again. Howard said he should get one of those race car beds. He said it might fit based on what he's heard about this room. Howard said he has to make that room cool. He said it should be workable too. He said he needs a workable space. JD said he knows.
Howard said maybe he should put those trophies away. He said that it says that his best years were when he was in little league. Howard said he needs to have a relationship and the girls are going to run for the hills when they see those trophies. Howard said he should have a little desk area in the room too. JD asked how big he thinks this room is. Howard asked how many square feet the room is. JD said it's not much bigger than the green room. Howard said he should probably give up then. JD said it's really not very big. JD said he has a decent size living room but the bedroom is pretty small. Howard said he should move out to Queens or something. JD said he has looked and a lot of places are too expensive. Howard let him off the hook and said he'll see him later at the meeting.
Howard said it's kind of sad. JD took off after that. Howard said he should thank him for trying to help. JD did that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that JD should listen to them. He said that he could put a desk under a loft bed or something. He said JD should take a rock and roll poster from Sirius and hang it on the wall. Howard said he's right and he could take something like that. He said they get that kind of stuff there all the time. Howard said he needs an attitude. The caller said he could get JD laid in one night. He said he should take those fucking marbles out of his mouth too. Howard said he's coming on kind of strong but JD might need that in his life. Howard said he bets that Jimmy has a very cool bedroom.
Howard said JD needs something edgy in his room. He said he could have a picture of Kurt Cobain or something. They threw out some more ideas for JD's room to make it more edgy. Howard played Sal's ''Mush Mouth'' song parody about JD too. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Tony Siragusa come in. Howard said he has a new book out called ''Goose: The Outrageous Life and Times of a Football Guy.''
Howard said he remembers when Tony did the Man Caves show with Gary and he started smacking Gary on the belly. Tony said he has a bit of a shake going on there. Howard said he can manhandle guys like that because he's so big. Howard asked if he was big when he was in school. Tony said he was a chubby kid in school. He said that some kids would beat him up but then he got bigger and bigger and then those kids would run away. He said by the time he got to 8th grade he was big enough to chase them away.
Howard asked if he had a nemesis in grade school. Tony said he had a bully kid in grade school and he would get picked on by that kid. He said they eventually fought and he beat the shit out of he kid. He said that was it after that.
Tony also wrestled so Howard asked him about that. Tony said you can be in the best shape ever and go out there thinking you're in good shape and you feel like you're dying. He said it's the hardest thing ever. Howard said you have to starve yourself to get your weight down. Tony said he'd just eat and wrestle whoever he had to wrestle. He became the state champion doing that. Tony said he went to a small school and he was the first state champion out of there. He said there have been some since he got out.
Howard asked Tony about his father beating him with a belt when he was a kid. Tony said that helped keep them well behaved. Howard asked if he does that kind of thing with his kids. Tony said he's not a ''time out'' kind of guy. He said he coaches little kids and he doesn't put up with that kind of stuff. He said he tells the parents that the time out thing doesn't work. He said you can't beat those kids but you can intimidate them. Tony said he can make them nervous and the parents need to understand that. He said you have to be the boss.
Howard asked if the beatings he got were bad. Tony said they were an ass whopping. Howard said his mom would hit him with a hanger. Tony said that's what he's talking about. He said he said no to his dad once and his dad chased him up the stairs when he ran away. He said he slammed the door and his father's arm came right through the door. He said he was grabbing for him. He said his mom was screaming. He said his dad never fixed the door either. He said that he had to put posters over the hole in the door.
Howard asked about Tony getting an ear ring. Tony said his dad was cool for the most part. He said that it was all about respect. He said his dad saw the ear ring in his ear and he would sit across from him at the dinner table. Tony said his mom noticed the ear ring and asked if he was out of his mind. Then his father was eating and not making eye contact. Then his dad told him that he had an hour to get it out of his ear before he ripped it out. Tony said he was about 16-17 when that happened. He said he took it out instead of making a stand.
Tony said his dad was the best. Howard said he died in his arms. Howard said that's pretty traumatic. Tony said it really is.
Tony told Howard that he's been married for 17 years and he's been with his girl for 28 years. He said he was away from her for a while so he did date a few girls. He said that he hasn't had a lot of other women though. Tony said ''thank god for the internet.'' He said he has heard about things like YouPorn. Howard asked if he locks himself in his bathroom. Tony said he just walks around the house.
Howard asked Tony if he ever asks his wife for a free pass or anything. Tony said his wife is the greatest. He said the sex is tremendous.
Howard asked more about his dad. Tony said that this was on July 10th and they were going to get his wife a present. He said he and his dad had a beer together. He said his dad told him he should get a restaurant when he gets older. He said his dad did that later in live. He said his dad died at the age of 48 from a massive heart attack. Howard asked Tony how old he is. Tony said he's 45 now. Tony said that he doesn't really worry about it himself. He said that every day since then has been a great day for him. He said his dad was a smoker and he didn't eat very healthy.
Howard asked what happened that day his dad died. Tony said he had a great day out with his dad and that night he heard his mother screaming so he went in and saw his dad having trouble breathing. He said he wasn't able to talk and they just held him while they waited for the ambulance to show up. He said it seemed like a month before they got there. He said that his dad was looking at him and he saw him take that last gasp before he died. Howard asked if he was angry at him for not taking care of himself better. Tony said that he is kind of now but not really. He said his dad was at every one of his games while he was around.
Tony said the tough thing was telling everyone that his dad had died. He said that he had to do it even though he has an older brother. He said that he had to put it on his shoulders and do it himself. Howard asked if he told his dad he loves him before he died. Tony said of course he did.
Howard asked Tony about his bad knees and asked if he had them from an early age. Tony said he blew one out in college and he rehabbed that for a year. Then he blew out the other one later on and had a cadaver ligament put in there. Howard asked if that freaks him out that he has that in there. Tony said it does and it really freaked him out back then because the AIDS scare was big back then. Howard said it gave him back a career though. Tony said it really did.
Howard asked Tony if the knee thing was a problem when he was looking to get drafted. Tony said that they knew about the knees. He said that they were all waiting for him to get drafted and days and days went by. He said he wasn't assured that he was going to be drafted but he thought something would happen. He said nothing happened. He said that his brothers got more pissed off than he did. He said he just focused in. Howard asked what he would have done if he hadn't gotten into the NFL. Tony said that his family has a construction business so he could have gotten into that.
Howard said it must be tough to go through something like that. Tony said he sat down with his brothers and his agent and they looked for where he could go. He said he was told to try Indianapolis and he had no idea where that even was. Tony said he had something to prove and he went out and got signed. He said he was paid 85 grand so he was the lowest paid player in the league. Tony said the doctor told him he'd never be able to play with his knees the way they were. He said that he had to go full speed and just went bananas. Tony said that he was doing everything on the team that he could. He said he could kick and long snap and all of this other stuff. He said he didn't know how to long snap so he had to go out that night and practice. He was on the phone with someone who was coaching him on how to do it. Tony said he practiced that night and then went out and tried it for the team the next day. Tony said that there were like 4 guys out there and he turned out to be pretty good at it.
Howard asked Tony if his knees bothered him. Tony said he never let anyone see the pain. He said his knees would swell up at times and he'd have them drained. He said he never let anyone see that though.
Howard asked Tony if he ever thought that he couldn't keep doing it. Tony said he had too many people counting on him. He said he still has pain in the knees. He said that when you're a football player you kind of enjoy the pain. He said he could stitch himself up if he got a cut or something. Howard said that's what Beth is like. He said she was an athlete too so she could do that kind of thing.
Howard asked Tony about signing for 85 grand and if he got a signing bonus. Tony said he got a grand for the signing bonus. He said it wasn't much. Tony said that he went out drinking that night with some buddies. He said he drank that grand away.
Tony said that he had to go out and prove himself because no one drafted him. He said he had to show them what he could do.
Howard asked Tony about the game now and the concussions that guys get. Tony said his short term memory is shot from all of that. Tony said he forgets what stories he has in his book. He said if he's on the sideline of a game he'll forget what's going on there. He said he needs some help during the game.
Howard said Tony took a shot once and he lost the ability to walk for a while. Tony said they were playing the Redskins at the time. He said they were staying in Baltimore. He said his stomach was killing him while they were in the hotel. He said he went to get x-rayed. He said that it turns out he was constipated. He said they told him that he could take a laxative or get an enema. Tony said he had a game in 4 hours so he wanted the enema. He said they don't travel with enemas. Tony said he was in the room with a bunch of guys and then the trainer comes over with a saline bag. They had to find a hose to put in there. Tony said he was looking for a little thin hose but they had a garden hose. He said an intern doctor came in and was ready to shove the hose in there. Tony said he was going to do that himself. Tony said he was trying to get it in there and then one of the other players came in and told him to hold it in as long as he can. Tony said the pain was excruciating. He said he eventually sat down on the toilet and let it flow. He said he looked in the toilet and the water was clear. He said nothing came out. Tony told the trainer that nothing came out. The doctor told him that maybe he didn't squeeze enough in. Tony said he had to take another one.
Tony said he was telling this story to a bunch of people and they're all cracking up. Tony said he shoved another hose in there and had more fluids shoved in there. Tony said the pain was really bad because he was still constipated. He said he was ready to kill the guy who kept telling him to hold it in as long as he could. Tony said he sat down on the toilet again and let it flow. He said he looked in the toilet hoping to see just a little nugget at the least. Tony said he looked in there and there was like one little Raisenette.
Tony said he thought he was going to be able to play even with this thing not working. He said he saw that they had some carpet tape there. He said it's double sided tape. He said he got a bunch of pieces and taped his ass cheeks together hoping he wouldn't shit his pants during the game. Tony said he got to his locker and the pants were white. He said it was his worst nightmare. He said he'd have to quit if he shit his pants.
Tony said he told the coaches not to roll him over if they saw him laying on the ground for any reason. He said that they had to get him more white pants and not roll him over. He said he had never shit his pants before. Tony said that he was on the toilet for like an hour and he shit so much that it almost flushed itself. Tony said his legs were numb. Tony said the next week he told that story and everyone was laughing. He said they played the Tennessee Titans and they had a fullback who was a tough kid. He said they were on the 15 yard line and it was 3rd and 1. He said he put his head down and got smacked on the top of his head. He said that it felt like getting hit on the funny bone but that was from his neck down. He said that he kept telling them to get off of him but no one was on him. He said they put a neck brace on him and took him out of the game. Tony said he wasn't able to move anything. He said that his brother was there and he thought he was paralyzed.
Tony said he was scared like he's never been scared before. Tony said he had a gun in his mouth and he wasn't that scared. Tony said everyone was real quiet around him. He said they put him on the gurney and took him out of there. Tony said he got in the tunnel and someone yelled ''He ain't hurt, he just shit his pants!'' Tony said that he was really hurt though. Tony said they brought him into a room and he was just able to start moving his hand. He said that he felt weak but he had to go back out on the field. He said if he didn't get back out there he'd never play again.
Tony said they brought him to get an MRI at the hospital. He said they found that his spinal cord was bruised but he'd be okay. He said his brother was crying asking him not to go back out. Tony said that he had to go back though. He said he got back out there but he felt very weak just like your arm does when you hit your funny bone. Tony said he was a totally different person after that hit. He said he got back out there and the crowd was like ''what the hell?'' Tony said that he went back in and played the rest of the game. He said it wasn't the greatest ever but he finished the game.
Howard asked if he gets angry at the kickers since they don't have to go through what he had to go through. Tony said he would get angry. He said that the kickers would come out and pull a groin muscle or something. He said he once locked a kicker in the bus bathroom when he missed a kick. He said they're all out there getting beat up.
Howard asked Tony about the restaurant he had that was called Tiffany's. He had to change the name to Tiff's after the Tiffany's company sued him. Tony said they're doing fine with the restaurant now.
Howard asked Tony about the way guys play now and if he went out there to hurt people on purpose. Tony said he didn't do it to hurt someone. He said that he was just playing the game. Tony said he misses playing the game and he misses the pain. He said he loves that sound of knocking the air out of someone.
Tony said that the tough thing about retiring is that you never get to go back and put the helmet on. He said when he retired that was it. He never put the helmet on again. He said it would be like Howard stopping radio tomorrow and never being able to do it again. Tony said you just can't go back. Howard asked when it's time to retire. Tony said it's when you can't recover from your injuries. Howard asked if he listened to the coaches about that. Tony said he never listened to the coaches. He said he probably could have been able to play for another year or two but he wanted to be able to throw a ball to his sons.
Howard asked Tony about the ring on his finger and if guys worship him over that. Tony showed him the ring and how big it was. Howard said Tony says that your penis grows when you have a Super Bowl ring. Howard said he could feel it growing now. Howard said that ring could fit around his cock and he'd still have room. Howard said Tom Brady has like 4 rings and Tony says that his penis must be two feet long.
Howard asked Tony about the game today and what he thinks about that. Tony said that the game is changing. He said that they don't even need a guy like him anymore.
Howard asked Tony what he thinks about this Sanchez and Tebow thing. Tony said that it's all about competition. He said that's what keeps them on their toes. Tony said that Howard knows what that's like. He said Howard is a competitive guy. Tony said that if someone said that these guys are better than Howard then he's going to want to compete. Tony said that's what this Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow thing is about. He said that it's going to make them want to perform. Robin said that it has happened where they replace guys with their back up.
Howard asked Tony if he hangs out with a lot of other players. Tony said he has his friends from when they played. He said if they asked him to do a favor he'd be there for them. Howard asked Tony if he has a decent sized penis. Tony said he does. Howard asked if there are guys who have small ones. Tony said they have all different sizes. He said there are some that are unbelievably big too. Tony said he goes into the shower and he's seen guys who have such big ones that you wonder if there's enough blood in his body to fill it up. Tony said that he doesn't really remember the biggest one he ever saw.
Howard said Tony shot a bunch of geese with an AK-47 and put one in each locker. Tony said they had fun like that. Howard asked if he killed his pet lizard because he was sick of it shitting and pissing all over the house. Tony said that he didn't kill it. He said they were young guys and they would hang out. He said he bought this lizard that was like 3 feet long and it was like a miniature dinosaur. He said he brought the thing home and the lizard didn't like his buddy Eddie. He said his buddy was watching it for him and the lizard was in the bathroom. He said they had forced hot air and the return was in the floor. The lizard shit in the vent in the floor. He said his buddy put it in the garage because he was sick of it hissing at him. He went out to the garage and found it stiff as a board. He said he went to the pet store to get his money back and they said no way. He said he never did get his money back.
Howard gave Tony a plug for his book and asked why he's doing it now. Tony said he wanted to see how his life pans out. He said he had no idea what he'd be doing. Howard asked if he's worth $6 million. Tony said it might be higher. Howard asked if that's from football or from the restaurant. Tony said he made some good investments. He made some bad ones too but his best was his wife. Howard said he likes that answer.
Howard asked if he ever got offered money to hurt other players. Tony said he never was offered money for that. Howard asked if he can keep the ring. Tony said no. Howard said it is a great ring. Tony said it defines what you've done in life as a football player. He said not every football player has one. He said there are many that never got one.
Howard asked Tony if he can borrow the ring and go to a used car dealer to talk about the time he took an enema. Howard asked Tony if he has ever waxed his hair down there. Tony said he has it done like once every month and a half but not down there. He said he has it done to his nose. He said that you smell things you've never smelled before when you have your nose hair waxed. Tony said he tried Nair once. Howard said they can wax him there and have his whole asshole waxed. Tony said he can't do that.
Howard asked who the best team is out there right now. Tony said there are a bunch. He said he can't pick just one.
Howard asked how often he goes to his restaurant. Tony said he goes there pretty often. He said that they have ribs. Howard said he doesn't eat that. Tony said they have salmon there. He said you have a mangina if you eat salmon though. Howard said he stopped chicken and turkey too. He said he's an animal lover. Tony said fish are animals too. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said they don't seem to have feelings.
Howard asked Tony if he goes hunting. Tony said he used to but he hasn't in a long time. He used to hunt deer. Howard said he could never do that.
Howard asked if Tony put Ex-Lax in the guys stuff once. Tony said that's not the story. He said that they used to have a respect thing going on with the team. He said that they'd have rookies bring in donuts every day. He said they had some Krispy Kreme donuts and the guys would go out and get a donut. He said the general manager would come and take them too. He wasn't a player so he wasn't supposed to. Tony said he knew the PA number so he'd get on there and announce that the donuts were for the players only. He said the GM would get mad of course. Tony said he once took some Paraffin and took all 12 of the donuts and dipped them all in there. He said that it looked like icing. Tony said the GM took 4 donuts with Paraffin on it and he didn't even know it. He said he knew he wouldn't die from that though. He had the shits for like 2 days after that.
Howard asked why he had a gun in his mouth. Tony said he was at college in Pittsburgh and they went out to a bar one night. He said that a fight broke out on the dance floor and he saw his brother on the dance floor. He said that it turns out the guy wasn't his brother but he had started punching guys out. Tony said he was punching and then this girl grabbed his hair so he pushed her away. Then he felt another person grab him so he punched and it turns out it was a girl. Tony said this one guy punched him and he ran after him. The guy was holding a gun when he went out the door. He said the guy told him he was going to die and told him to open his mouth. Tony said he did that and then the guy maced him in the face. He said the cops saw this going on and they arrested the guy. He said his uvula was hanging out of his mouth from being inflamed from the mace. He said it turns out that the guy was a made guy and they had to have a sit down about the whole thing. He said they handled it all on their own. He said it was really scary.
Howard said Goose has said a lot. He said he may have said too much. Howard wrapped up and gave him some more plugs for his book. Howard said he gave him his Super Bowl ring too. Howard told Tony that he benches 95 pounds at the gym. Tony asked if that was on each side. Howard said that's a total of 95. Tony said he used to bench like 425. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and listened to the Stones song for a few seconds. Howard said Ronnie is upset that he wasn't able to put Miss Howard TV in a bikini. Howard said she doesn't speak any English either. Howard said he can wait a few minutes for him to get her into a bikini. Howard said she's a very attractive woman from what he's heard. Howard said the guys said that they weren't able to pass this girl up because she's so hot. Howard said anyone who speaks English won't speak to Mike Gange so they had to find someone who doesn't speak English.
Howard said King of All Blacks and Big Black were back and they were talking about rape. King was saying that they say that if you rape someone then you have a better chance of getting them pregnant. King said he thinks the opposite of that guy who thinks that women can shut their body down. Howard said that's what you get with a guy with a limited IQ analyzing that story. Robin said she's not sure why people have these theories like that. She said they should just say ''I don't know.''
Howard said he was watching Katie Couric's new show and she interviewed Sheryl Crow who was saying that she thinks that she had a brain tumor and it may have been caused by cell phone use. She said she used to do a lot of phoners with an old cell phone when her albums were coming out. Howard said he tries to avoid talking into that thing and uses a hard line as much as he can. He said he knows a lot of people who use the phone a lot and they don't listen when he tells them to stop. He said his kids do that.
Howard said he has a porn clip that Sal found. It's porn but it's a fetish clip where old people shit in their pants and this guy gets turned on by it. Howard said there's actually a market for this. He said you learn more about life watching porn than anything else. Howard said these people know the fetish. Howard played the clip and this woman was talking about how turned on she is by old people shitting in their pants. She sounded like she had a German accent. Howard said she sounds kind of like Martina Navratilova.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was one of the best interviews he's ever heard. He said Tony was great. Howard said he's a good guy. Howard said he has that new book out. Robin said it sounds like Tony wants to hang out with him. Howard said he thinks Tony would be bored. Howard said Tony has a huge entourage that he hangs out with. Howard said Tony and his buddies do manly things but that's not what he does. Howard said they go out and cook out on a huge grill and things like that.
Gary told Howard that Tony has several guys that he hangs out with. He said he had like 3 today. He said when they did the Man Cave thing they had the grill come to his house and they went to a pizza place like 25 miles away to get this special pizza. He said Howard would be wondering why they're driving 25 miles to get pizza. Howard said Tony would be annoyed by him.
Howard read that American Idol is going to have Randy Jackson again this season. Howard said that they were going to kick him off the show and replace him with Enrique Iglasias but now Randy is back in. Howard said they have Mariah Carey and Nikki Minaj on the show as well as Keith Urban. Howard said he thinks that AGT is better, or at least different, because they don't have singers. He said that the finals have no singers at all but they do have the Earth Harp guy. Howard said Randy gets dicked around more than anything.
Howard said you have to love Larry Flynt. Howard said Hustler magazine is offering a $1 million reward for any information about Mitt Romney's tax returns and off shore accounts. Howard said someone should look into it. Robin said they won't and no one should have to give up a million bucks. Robin said all he did was pay for an ad. Howard said maybe something will be drummed up.
Howard said he was reading Ronnie's Twitter account and he actually didn't write about naked chicks for once. Ronnie wrote something about 9/11. Howard said he's breaking down from his usual thing to pay respect to 9/11. Howard said that's so moving. Howard said he's a thinking, feeling man.
Howard said that Rihanna was on the Video Music Awards kissing Chris Brown. Howard said that made him sick. He said the little girls who watch that are going to think it's okay for guys to beat them up. Howard said that's just not right. Robin said she had to forgive him but that doesn't mean that she has to kiss him. Howard said now they don't have to feel bad for her when Chris beats her. Howard said she had a good warning that the guy is crazy.
Howard said he read that Ryan Reynolds got married to Blake Lively. Howard said he doesn't even know who that is. Robin said she's been in a few movies that Howard has seen. Howard said that means JD moves up to 1.6 millionth on the most available bachelors out there.
Howard talked about the 9/11 thing and how Scott went out bowling that day. He said that everyone else was trying to save people at the towers and Scott went out bowling.
Howard asked Antonio how he found this girl. Antonio said he met her through her mother. Howard asked if he ever came on to her. Sandra said no when Antonio interpreted. Howard asked how long she thinks it'll take her to learn English. She said 3-4 months. Howard said he has a few who could teach her. Howard asked if she has been signed to an exclusive contract. Antonio said he has and it's a 2 year deal. He said that it's a standard deal so he gets 20 percent. Howard asked if she read the contract she signed. She said of course she did.
Howard asked Antonio if he has ever managed anyone before. Antonio said he has and he's got a law degree. He said he's been listening to Howard for 30 years too. Howard asked if he has a law practice. Antonio said he does. Sandra said that he is like her father. She did speak a little bit of English.
Robin asked if this guy has any ties to show business at all. Howard asked Robin if she did when she started out. Robin said she had an agent.
Antonio said that it's a process and being on Howard TV will be good. He said that will lead to her doing more stuff. Robin said she'll end up being a webcam girl. Howard asked if she'll get naked. Sandra said no but she said she would do Playboy.
Howard asked if Sandra works out. She said she does that every day. Howard asked if she's ever made it with a girl. She said no to that. She's not into girls. She said she's only into men. Howard asked if she sings. She said no so Howard said Jennifer Lopez can't sing either. Sandra told Antonio some stuff about what she wants to do with her career. Antonio interpreted for Howard.
Howard asked if it's still dangerous down in Medellín. Sandra said that was 20 years ago. She said that things are different now. Antonio said the city is very beautiful. He said that he's still thinking about that 20 years ago Medellín.
Howard asked Sandra if she wants fame and dinero. She said that she wants more than just fame. She wants to show she's talented. Robin asked what her talent is. She said that she wants to have her own business like Kathy Ireland. Howard asked what kind of business, make up? She said yes. Howard asked if the boobs are real or fake. Sandra said she has had work done on them. Howard said they looked very nice.
Howard asked if Sandra is staying with Antonio. He said she is but she has family there and he's not doing anything with her. Antonio said that he is being professional with her. Howard said there's something up there.
Robin asked if she modeled in Columbia. She said she did. Howard had her turn around to show her tuchus. She did that and Howard said she had a nice tuchus. Antonio had to interpret. Howard said he knows the word Chocho which means vagina. Howard said he knows some other words. He mentioned one for penis but it was different in Columbia.
Howard asked how she's going to be Miss Howard TV. Antonio said she will be doing stuff in English and Spanish. Howard said they should get her a job on Telemundo or something. Antonio said they're working on it. He said she has done some TV work in Columbia. Howard asked if she has earned any money yet. Antonio said she hasn't yet. He said this is promotional stuff but eventually it will happen.
Howard asked if she has learned the names of people on the show. She knew Baba Booey. She knew Ronnie and Robin who has the very large breasts. Howard said he thought she was talking about Jason. Robin said she thought she was talking about Benjy. She hasn't met JD yet. Antonio told Howard that she saw the Baba Booey apology tape and she laughed hysterically at that.
Howard asked how they got in touch with the show. Antonio said he knows Richard Christy and he heard from Sandra's mother about how she wanted to come to the states. He said he sent pictures to Richard and within hours they had her booked to do the Miss Howard TV thing.
Howard said that Antonio must want her to fall in love with him. Antonio said that is not in the plans. He said he is dating. He said that Sandra's mother is beautiful too. He said that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Howard said he hopes that she makes it in whatever she does. Howard asked if she would ever date him as a boyfriend. She quickly said ''No, no... no.'' Howard wished them luck and then went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they were talking about Mitt Romney's taxes earlier. He said here is some hacker group that broke in and stole the information so they're holding it hostage. Howard said that's a fascinating story. He let the caller go.
Howard said Danica Patrick said ''fuck'' on live TV. Howard said that they have live cameras in the cars and in the pits and stuff. Howard said they just apologize when they let it out on the air. Howard said maybe that's what he should have done when he got into trouble with the FCC. Howard said you have to hear this. Howard played the clip and it was Danica's in-car microphone that she cursed on. Howard said that they just let it slide and say they're sorry.
Howard played another clip from ESPN when a pit crew member used the F-word. The announcers apologized for that too.
Howard said Wendy the Retard left a message for him. He said she figured out that he gets annoyed by her asking for money so she figured out a way around it. Howard played the call and Wendy said maybe he could take her out shopping instead of just giving her money. Howard said it could be like a retarded Pretty Woman. He said he could make a movie about this. He said he could buy her anything she wants. He asked if Robin would want to see that. Robin said they should put it on film.
Howard played more of Wendy's call where she says that he can buy her whatever he wants. Howard said he would pay her not to go to lunch with him. Howard said she always has a plan. She thinks everything will be fine if you just take her out.
Howard said Lisa G was talking about the construction they're doing out on the street. He said that they're blasting near Lisa's apartment. He played some audio of what she recorded. They blow a horn a bunch of times. Gary said that they want to stop them from doing it after 8pm because they do it until 11pm. Gary said it happens about 3-4 times a night and Lisa is home at 5. She isn't sure how often it goes on during the day. Howard said she's probably in some tiny apartment and paying some ridiculous amount for rent. Howard said they torture her with this sound the whole night. Howard said it's no wonder she's so high strung. Howard said they play that sound when Tim Sabean is going to take a shit too. Howard said he still wants to know what went on with that shit. He said he wants Tim to give them the full story. Robin said even Tim may not know.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her daughter was in chorus class and she was asked what the best part of her weekend was and then her worst thing. She said the worst thing was that her mom made her listen to Howard Stern the whole trip to Orlando. The teacher sat her down and told her to never mention Howard Stern again and said that he was a racist and some other things. The woman said that her daughter is upset that she got in trouble over that. Howard said the kid didn't do or say anything bad. The woman said that her daughter is going to be an outcast from this. Howard said he's no racist and he's not sure where that comes from.
The caller said that she loves Howard and she loves when Howard imitates his parents. She posted that on her Facebook and she got negative comments. Howard said he thinks that everyone in the world should be in love with him. The caller said she agrees. Howard told the woman to put her daughter up for adoption. He said that she didn't raise her right. The caller said 15 year olds will say stuff like that. Howard told her to be brave and be proud to be a Howard Stern lover.
Robin said that Fred's daughter is incredibly talented. Howard asked in what way. Robin said she auditioned to get into a dance program at Alvin Ailey and she got in. Howard said that's a big deal. Howard said that you have to pay for that though so she's not that talented. Fred said that you do have to have some talent to get in. Howard said he's glad for her. Fred said she seems to really like it and she's becoming very serious about it. Howard said he sat around his entire childhood and it's good to dance. Howard said he will never be able to get into shape. Howard said she'll end up like Beth being rock hard.
Howard said he never did anything athletic growing up. He drew pictures, smoked weed, took acid and sat around. Howard said he never went outside because his mother kept him inside. He went into his impression of his mother and spent a couple of minutes talking about taking him to karate and grossing out the teacher with his long toe nails.
Howard talked about his feet being dirty for the class and how he tried scrubbing them before class. He said no one maintained his nails when he was that age. He said Beth clips his cat's toe nails more than his mother ever clipped his. Howard said he saw these kids jumping and he figured he'd break his neck trying to do that. Howard said the Korean guy took him and told him to push him. He said he made believe he fell down and then he had him flip him over his back. Howard said the guy essentially jumped over his back. He said the kids there were scary too. He said he needed to see some kids like himself there. Howard said it was actually Judo that he was taking. He said he went back a second time and just took his beating. He said he took a couple of hits and that was it.
Howard said he learned to just stay in the house and nothing bad would happen to him. He said it never occurred to him to defend himself. Robin said that Chuck Zito was talking about how he wanted to teach his grandkids how to do that. Howard said he would have loved to have had Chuck around when he was a kid. He said he'd be like a real man now. Howard said that Tony Siragusa was looking at him like he was a really nice chick today. He said if Chuck raised him he'd look like Tony.
Howard said he threw the ball with his father once. Just once. He said that he threw the ball perfectly to his dad and he missed the ball so it hit him in the nuts. He never played catch again. Howard said his dad yelled at him for that even though he threw a perfect pitch. Howard said he's pretty thin right now but his ass still looks awful. He said he had 45 pounds on his back squatting yesterday. He said he still has wrinkles on his ass. He said poor Beth has to look at that. He said if he played some sport then he'd be ripped. He said you have to start young. Robin said they can all say that. Howard said Robin looks good though. He said she's so feminine. Howard said she sits there in front of that TV and watches 50 times more TV than he does.
Howard said he's afraid to leave the house from what his mom said to him. He did more of his impression of his mom lecturing him about not leaving the house. He said she does just one thing a day and then rests and meditates. Howard said she's alive and healthy so she must be doing something right. Howard said it's a long life but a tortured one.
Howard said that Beth suggested they go to Italy for Christmas. He told her that she's nuts. Howard said he doesn't think it looks so nice over there. Howard said he loves being home.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon quickly ran down the stuff they'd be covering today.
After the break Howard came right back. Robin read a story about Joe Francis having an outstanding bill at the Wynn casino. Robin said that Joe said that they threatened to have him killed if he didn't pay his bill and they sued Joe and won so he had to pay 20 million instead of the 2 that he owed.
Robin read a story about some story that says Barak Obama's real father was a communist. Robin said they say that Barak was coached in Marxist ways. Robin said that this is from a book called ''Dreams of my Real Father.'' Howard said these people are so involved with this guy and it's remarkable. Howard said they call him a communist and all of this stuff.
Robin said she read about this guy who claimed to be in a relationship with John Travolta for 6 years. Robin said that he claims John has said a lot of things about liking men more than women and things like that. Howard said Kelly Preston is so fucking gorgeous. He said she's super hot and he can't figure this out. He said he wants to get this off the table already and have him come on the show to reveal all.
Robin read about some Elvis stuff that was up for sale and how a pair of soiled tighty whitey underpants only got up to $8,000 in an auction. She said that gives her some hope. Robin said the reserve price was $11,000. Robin said they didn't sell. Howard did his Elvis impression a little bit and talked about how gross a Hill Billy Elvis was. Howard said maybe they could hang that in JD's apartment. He could have them framed. Howard said he used to do a bit where he would come out as Elvis at Club Bene and he'd have shit on his pants. He said no one ever asked for their money back after that.
Robin read that there's a study that was done that found that marijuana may be linked to a particular form of testicular cancer. Robin said that the group at risk is young men. Robin said they should be paying attention to their testicles. That led to Howard doing his Jackie impression talking about smoking pot. Fred threw in a bunch of Jackie laughs too.
Robin read about a guy who was caught watching porn on a Southwest airlines flight. He was also caught beating off. Howard said nothing cool like that happens on his flights. He went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Bob Dylan putting out a new album. Robin said that it's being reviewed all over the place and the reviews are mixed. Robin said he's in the 50s for the number of albums he's put out. Robin had some clips of some of his new songs. Howard played a couple of clips and said they were horrible. He said it's like a goof. He said he was never a great singer but these aren't even good songs.
Robin read about the anniversary of 9/11. Robin had some audio of a guy who survived the fall of the towers. He was knocked unconscious as he fell. The guy said the building was gone when he looked up. Robin said he was in a free fall above a lot of debris and he landed right. Robin said he was making his way down the stair case when the building fell. Howard said that's really lucky. Robin said he was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and his story will be told on the Discovery channel tonight on a special show. Robin had some other audio clips from people who experienced the terrorist attacks.
Howard told Robin to tell her story about having to suffer through a ride home with Scott the Engineer on 9/11. Robin said Scott was the only one left at work that day. She had no choice. Robin read a bit more news about what we've done since the attacks. Howard said these assholes have tried a bunch of times and now they've disrupted their way of life. Howard said Osama is dead and that ruined their whole deal. Howard said that's the reality. He said they shouldn't have fucked with America. He said they're a bunch of shitheads. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the book that just came out by the Navy SEAL and how the government is saying that he shouldn't have put it out without passing it through the Pentagon. Robin said this seems like an incredible breach and he may have let some stuff slip in that book. Robin said that she can't be on his side if that's what he's up to. Howard said it was a secret mission and he could jeopardize the safety of others. Howard said it's weird. Robin said she thought it was odd too. She thought those people never talked about that stuff.
Robin said she watched the U.S. Open men's final and she saw that Sean Connery was there. Robin said she hasn't seen him in years and he looked wonderful. She said it warmed her heart. Howard said he wasn't his favorite Bond. Howard said he likes the new guy, Daniel Craig. Robin said without Connery there wouldn't have been any of these other guys. Howard said Robin loves that guy. He said it's weird what women are attracted to. He said it looks like he has bad breath. He said he's not a woman so he doesn't understand what they're attracted to. Howard said he read an article about how women like scruff on a man's face but not too much. He said Beth likes it when he has some scruff. Howard said he figured she'd like some stink too but that's not the case.
Robin read about what Chris Darden was saying about OJ's glove being tampered with. Robin said that Alan Dershowitz has come out about that. She had some audio of Alan talking about how Darden is blaming a dead man and he can't defend himself. Howard went into another live commercial after that.
The commercial Howard did was for Trojan condoms. He said he might have to change the brand he uses to Trojan. He told Gary to go out and get him this ''Pleasure pack'' that they advertise. He said he doesn't want Gary asking him if he's serious about it either. He said he should just get it and then worry about it later. Howard said he has done that in the past. He said he told Gary to ask someone for her phone number once and Gary thought he was kidding. He said Gary should make sure his penis is fine. Howard said he had to go to the dermatologist to get his penis checked out because it was irritated. He said it might be from his pants rubbing. He said he's been wearing tighter pants lately. Howard said he's not sure what it was. The doctor told him to put salve on it. He said it's better now but he might change to Trojan just in case. He said he wants an American made condom. He said he thinks that his are made in India or some place like that. He said it may have been China or Pakistan.
Robin read a story about GoDaddy.com being hacked yesterday. She said they're back today. Robin said that they had millions of sites down thanks to the attack. Robin said that they had all services restored by yesterday evening.
Robin said there's a decline in smoking because of a tobacco tax. Robin said the tax was signed in 13 days after Obama got into office. Robin read some details about the decline. Howard said you look foolish if you smoke. He said it makes people think you're cuckoo.
Robin read about a public memorial that will be held on Thursday for Neil Armstrong. Robin said the service will be on NASA TV and on their web site. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Gary came in and said this is reminiscent of Fred. He said they used to pick up Fred and Fred would never let them see his apartment. He didn't want it being talked about on the air.
Gary said Jon is a very nice guy and he doesn't drink so he shuttles people around like a designated driver. He said Brooklyn is out of the way and he drives him home. JD said he never lets him forget how out of the way it really is. Jon said that JD is one of his closest friends and he gets to hold that over his head so that's the key. JD laughed and said he has a picture of him that he will never let him forget. Jon said he'll give that to Jason to post. JD asked him not to let that out.
Gary said he saw something interesting in Fred's apartment and he waited years to talk about it and Fred never forgave him for that. JD said he's not hiding anything but the apartment isn't the cleanest thing. He said the trophy discussion was bad enough.
Jon said JD has had offers to move to other places but he doesn't want to move. JD said he is kind of lazy. He said there's a whole thing about using the subway because he's used to that. Gary said the subway goes to New Jersey too. Steve Brandano came in and said he can't live with someone who watches The Wire at 1.5 speed. Jon said they'll get to that in a minute.
Gary said he's gone around his place making sure there's nothing to make fun of when people from the show visit. He said he knows that they'll pick up on the smallest things.
JD said he has only lived on his own in two different places. He said he feels weird throwing out the trophies. Gary said he doesn't have to throw them out but he could put them in storage. He said it does seem kind of immature. Benjy asked if he wants to get rid of them. JD said he doesn't even think about them. Gary said he might be too lazy to think about them. JD said they just sit on the shelf. He didn't know what else to do with them.
Gary said that leaving them out there is kind of immature. JD said that he'd have to point them out to people and he doesn't do that. Gary said he went to Sam Simon's house and he has a ledge that goes around the ceiling and it has tons of Emmys and People's Choice awards. He said that's the kind of thing he gets. The little league trophies he doesn't get.
Benjy asked JD if he would sell his trophies. JD said he could do that but they have his name on them so that would be weird. He said the spelling bee win was also a very big deal for him. He said that was 6th grade. Gary said he's a pretty good speller. Jon said he's an excellent speller. JD spelled ''excellent.''
Jon said they have to talk about JD watching TV at 1.5 speed. JD said he hasn't done it with every episode. He said some parts he did because it was like trudging through. He said he liked the show and he can see how some people would think it's one of the greatest TV series ever.
Jon said that JD was also talking about his fantasy football. He thinks that it's not a waste of money to play. JD said he doesn't think that Howard understands it. They spent a minute on that and then had to take a break.
Mark in Boston called in and asked Gary how he can say he missed the first part of the show. Gary said he has other things he does there. He said he has to talk to Sal and Richard at times. Mark asked if there are any special preparations for sports figures and Howard. Gary said they've had sports guests on long before Artie was on. Gary said he and Will had a lot to do with pitching Tony. He said he had Tony at his house for the Man Cave thing too so he knew what he was like. He said Will also read the book so he had stories to pitch.
Jon said that a lot of kids are protected like Howard was because you might get hurt playing. Gary said that the football league in his town is down because people are afraid of the concussions. He said people are afraid of their kids getting hurt.
Jon said he had the Super Bowl ring there today too. Gary said he had it at his house and he had kids there so all of the kids got to put it on and take pictures with it.
Gary said he and Jon ran into Tony out in Vegas last year at the Consumer Electronics Show. He said that Tony was a little testy about being asked about being the sideline reporter. He said Tony told them that he can turn his microphone on at any time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the interview with Tony was like the top 5 of all time. He said that story he told about taping his ass shut was hysterical. Gary said he liked the story about retiring from football and how you can never go back and play. He said once he put the helmet on the shelf and that was it. He's done for good. He compared that to Howard never being able to go on radio again if he retired. The caller said he thinks that Tony hanging out with Howard would last about 5 minutes.
Jon asked Gary what he would do if he couldn't do this job anymore. Gary said that he can do this job but not with these people. He said that he would have to settle for another job that isn't as good as this one. Jon asked Benjy if he has thought about what he's going to do. Benjy said he thinks that it'll happen and he'd like to be able to do something independently. Gary said if he got a job doing the Jennifer Love Hewitt show it would be a huge adjustment to bring everyone there. He said that he's just starting his 29th year working for Howard and it's going to be a huge change when Howard retires and he has to get a new job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he used to be the kind of guy who thought that concussions were just an excuse to retire. He said he had a car accident and he had a concussion that took him 5 years to get over. Gary said he isn't discounting concussions at all. He said that what they do is horrendous.
Benjy asked Jon and Gary if they should ban football from high school. Both of them said no. They said that you should be able to play but they should also do what they can to protect the kids. Gary said he's seen kids get more than one concussion and the parents will pull the kid right out of the sport.
Benjy said he thinks that it should be discouraged. Gary said Howard thought that he should have taken his kids out of it like 10 years ago. Then Howard married into a football family and his opinion wasn't so bad.
Jon said that Howard should have tried out for more sports but that just didn't happen when he was growing up. They had to take another break a short time later.
Gary said moving out on your own is an important step. He said at some point you have to be responsible for yourself. He said that roommate is a crutch. Benjy said maybe JD doesn't want to live on his own. Gary said when you get to be 40 years old and you live with a roommate then women will think you're weird. Benjy asked JD if he has trouble making decisions. JD said that all he really has is a bedroom. He said his roommate isn't around that much. He said that he has the apartment to himself most of the time. He said he would like to be able to move and have his own place but there are certain limitations. He said living in New York doesn't help.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can tell JD is a good guy because Howard offers so much to him. He said he's offered to do so much for him. He said JD doesn't take advantage of it either so he's a good guy. He said Howard asked to take him out shopping today but he'd like to know if he was really going to do that. Gary said no because they're all very busy today. JD said he doesn't like being looked at as a charity case. That's it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves JD but he would have loved it if he had been brought out with Miss Howard TV. JD said that they will be doing that after the show. He said they'll have that on Howard TV.
Jon said that this is the first non-English speaking Miss Howard TV. She did speak some English though. Just a little.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked how real the Miss Howard TV and Mike Gange relationships are. He said he doesn't thing he's getting that much. Gary said no one ever said he is getting a lot. There have been thousands of girls who have been on the show and Gange has done okay with a few. The caller said that he doesn't think the matches are there. Benjy said the hype is that he never closes the deal. Benjy said that Gange gets laid a lot. Gary asked how he knows that. Benjy said he's balding and chubby so of course he does. Gary asked how he knows he gets laid. Benjy said he has talked to him over the years. Gary said he has too but he must not be telling him the stories. Benjy said that Gange gets laid whenever he wants. Gary said he still doesn't know that for sure.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD needs to hang out with Scott the Engineer because he's going to be a lonely old man. He said that he should post pictures of his apartment and post them online. JD said no.
Jon said that Scott has been married and he can bowl. Gary said he's not a lonely old man but he might be a sad sack. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Gary Garver Celebrity Interviews. 9/13/99. 8:50am
Howard's Los Angeles reporter Gary Garver went to the Emmy awards yesterday and got a few celebrity interviews. The first interview Howard played was Gena Lee Nolin. She knew where Gary was from so she didn't have a problem with any of the questions. Howard said that once they know where Gary is from it's no fun. If they don't freak out after the first question then Gary should move on. Up next was Regis Philbin. Gary asked him what he'd be doing if he wasn't in show business. Regis said he'd be running a hotel or something like that. Gary then asked him what he thinks of Howard. Regis yelled out that he loves him as he walked away. Gary then got Courtney Cox(or Cock as Howard says) and her husband David Arquette. Both of them claimed to be fans also so they didn't have any problem with the questions Gary was asking like:
Billionaire Mark Cuban. 09/13/04. 6:40am
After the break Howard mentioned that Vincent Gallo would be on his E! show tonight. Artie thought that Gallo was one of the best guests ever when he was on a couple of weeks ago. Howard moved on to bring in this billionaire Mark Cuban. He said that he made most of his money from the web and now he has his own reality TV show coming. Mark came in and told Howard that he is a billionaire and it's close to two billion. If he did a ''Trump evaluation'' he'd be closer to 9. Howard quickly moved on to ask Mark about where he came from and what he did to make it. Mark told Howard about his company Micro Solutions and how that's the company he sold to make his first million. That was before the internet. He went out to L.A. and took some acting lessons and stuff while he was there. He stayed out there doing that for 4 years or so and then heard about this new thing, the internet, and got in on that. He said that Jackie actually helped him out with some stuff when he started Broadcast.com. That company was doing well and he sold it for $5.7 billion in stock. Mark said that site is now part of Yahoo.com.
Mark said he cashed out on the stock he got about 6 months later and it was worth about $1.9 billion. Howard wondered what he did after that. Mark laughed and said he partied a lot. He bought a basketball team and a Jet after that. Now he has a G5 and a 757 that he uses for the basketball team. The plane has 55 seats on it and it's fully customized. He told Howard that he'd fly his old friends around all over the place and they'd end up going to Las Vegas.
Mark told Howard about his wife Tiffany who was in her 20s when they got married. He was 44 at the time. They have a kid now and he's hoping to send her to public schools but there's some controversy about that. He may not be able to send her to public school.
Howard asked Mark about helping him out with the FCC. Mark said he knows Michael Powell and has actually talked to him about this stuff. He said that Powell basically told him that ''the rules are the rules'' and there's not much he can do about it. Howard said that the rules are the rules but no one knows what the rules actually are. They're very vague and no one really knows what the real rules are. Mark seemed to agree with him and said that he's right.
Mark told Howard about hanging out with Donald Trump and how Trump kind of goofed on him about not being one of the ''rich people'' even though he's now probably worth more than Trump is in some way. Howard asked Mark if he'd like to get in on the HowardStern.com thing. Mark said he saw that he's getting into the downloads and stuff and he might be willing to help him out.
Howard asked Mark why Trump's ''The Apprentice'' isn't doing that well this season. Mark said it's tough to keep something like that fresh and that's probably the problem with the show this season. He said the show is decent but it's more of the same thing from last season. Mark has his own show called ''The Benefactor.'' Mark told Howard that the winner of the show wins a million dollars and the people just have to endure some time with him. It's just normal people playing the game. He said that the people have no idea what to expect in the game and that's more like real life. Instead of Trump's ''You're Fired'' catch phrase, Mark has his own which is ''No Balls, No Babies.''
Howard took some phone calls for Mark. One guy asked Mark to please buy their team and save them. Mark said he loves Pittsburgh but he really doesn't want to own more than one team. That led to Mark talking about the Dallas Mavericks and what's gone on with the team over the past couple of years. Another phone caller begged Mark to buy the NY Yankees. Mark said that George Steinbrenner doesn't need his help. Another caller told Mark that owning a 757 isn't all that cool because the planes aren't all that up to date and they're expensive to run. Mark just laughed and said that he's not suffering.
Howard gave Mark a plug for his show which airs this week on ABC. Mark said they like the show so much that they're going to air it on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday against Trump's show. Howard quickly asked Mark who he thinks is going to win the election this year. Mark said that he thinks Nader should win and spent a minute talking to Howard about that. Howard said that Heather Locklear would be in after the break and that got them talking about hot chicks for a short time. Howard asked Mark how many chicks he's had in his bed at once. Mark laughed and said he was going to get in trouble but he had seven women in bed with just him. That was back in the 80s though and it was a long time ago. Howard wrapped up the interview after that and took a commercial break.
Rambling With Howard. 9/13/00. 7:30am
Later in the morning Howard replayed the tape of Stuttering John interviewing Dennis Miller at a press conference. Gary got to hear it for the first time since he was out sick yesterday when Howard played it the first time. This is what he replayed:
Stuttering John went out to a press conference for Dennis Miller and Al Michaels last night. He was the only one asking questions so he got off quite a few. He asked things like:
Robin Kicked Out Of President's Suite At U.S. Open. 09/13/10. 6:40am
Robin said she got kicked out of the president's suite at the U.S. Open. Robin said she was invited for the day and it was very weird how they got kicked out. Robin said she ran into some friends at the match and she was having a good time there. Robin said that she saw John McEnroe and Rob Thomas and people like that there. Robin said they were standing there talking in the suite but then they were asked to leave because they were booked for the evening.
Robin said Star Jones asked her to go to dinner so she went with her. It turns out they weren't supposed to go have dinner there. That caused a commotion there and it turns out they have a day session and a night session. Robin said they were going to leave but figured they'd have a couple of drinks. She said they had some champagne and then this woman who told them they were going to have to leave came over and showed up with tickets to another section and an escort who showed them out. She said they basically told them to get their drinks and get out. She was asking them to please go.
Robin said it was kind of awkward at that point. She said she didn't know they were causing a problem. She said they could have asked them to go at any time.
Robin said the next night they were going to go to the same suite with Martina Navratilova but it didn't go over very well at all. Robin said that Martina was headed out when she got there and her manager was going to walk her in. Robin said she wasn't on any list at all so she wasn't able to get in. She was walked over to another suite and she spoke to Christie Brinkley and a few other people. Robin said she went to another suite and she was asked to get out of that one too. Robin said that a few of them got kicked out. She said it was an interesting time at the Open.
Robin said that some of her friends were saying they heard the N-word being thrown around in the suite. She said there may have been too many blacks in the room for those people. Howard said maybe they were being annoying. He said that they probably remember the days when blacks weren't even allowed into the games. Howard said that's just not right though. Howard told Robin to wear a waitress outfit next time she goes.
The Newlyweird Game - Part 1. 09/13/11. 7:05am
Gary asked Howard if he could make a rule in the game. Howard let Jon go and asked Gary what he wanted to do. He asked to tell Richard to stop showing his cock and balls. Sal said that Gary should stop showing his face because it's just as offensive.
Howard turned things over to their host JD Harmeyer. Howard asked how they're playing this game. JD said that they're going to send Fred, Richard and Gary out of the room.
Howard said he was going to turn things over to JD but he doesn't like to be away from behind his console. Howard said Will was laughing at the way he was dressed today. Will came in and said he wasn't laughing. He said he just smiled at him. Howard said he was laughing at him. Will said he was complimenting him. JD said Howard knows how he feels every day now.
JD took over and didn't say much of anything. Howard said he couldn't hear anything. He asked Scott what was going on. He said this is the part where Scott just stares at him and doesn't do anything. JD laughed. Howard said JD is the worst host. He said he's got nothing to say. JD said he's not a host. Howard told him to try to shine and be something he's not. Sal said ''Impossible...''
Howard turned things over to JD and JD said the first question for Howard was ''What do you think Fred's favorite TV show is.'' Howard said he has no idea. Robin said he has talked about at least one show. Howard said he knows nothing about this guy. He respects his work but he knows nothing about him. Howard said that he'd like to say that it's ''My Favorite Martian'' or something. Howard said that he'll say it's ''60 Minutes.'' He said he really doesn't fucking know.
JD asked Jon Hein what Gary's favorite TV show is. Jon said he likes so many shows. Jon said that he'll say Fred will say ''Top Gear.'' He said he thinks that Gary's is ''Law and Order.'' Howard had to ask Robin to be quiet because she was helping Jon. Sal said that he's going to say that Richard's favorite is ''True Blood.''
JD asked the next question but there was static coming through a mic in the studio. Howard asked what the hell was going on there. Scott tried to fix it but Howard's mic was gone. Howard asked what happened. Scott said it was JD's mic. Howard asked if they tested this out ahead of time. Howard said that they've been doing this for 30 fucking years. Howard said that he has big plans coming up soon. He said he's not going to work unprofessionally anymore.
JD asked Howard whose wife he thinks Fred would like to have sex with. The static returned. Howard told them to give JD a different mic. He said they were in the middle of a fucking show. He said their whole career is sound and they can't do it when they play a game. They gave JD a different mic and Howard said this was a disaster. Howard said this is such a dumb show.
Howard said if they have any other problems they'll just wing it. Howard said this is embarrassing how little he knows about Fred. Howard said he'd say his wife but he's going to say that Fred will say Sal's wife. JD asked Jon who he thinks Gary will say. Jon said that he'll say that Gary will say Beth. Sal said that he'll say that Richard will say his wife, Christine.
JD asked the next question which was ''What is the most embarrassing thing Fred has ever done in front of him?'' Howard said that Fred rolled around on the ground with a girl in Washington DC. He said she was the first girl to get naked. Howard said that it was weird because Fred was so a-sexual before that. JD asked Jon what Gary has done. Jon said that he'd have to say it was when they went out to a sushi place and he hates sushi. He's going to say ''Sushi in L.A.'' Sal said that Richard doesn't embarrass him but when he goes to the airport he tells security that he looks like a potential terrorist. He said he hates that. He said Richard will point at him in line and they end up patting him down. Howard found that really funny.
JD had the ''wives'' come back in. Howard said that he was going to move this game along since JD wasn't. JD read the plug for the prizes they were going to give away but Howard cut him off from doing that too. JD asked Fred what he thinks Howard said was his favorite TV show. Fred said that it was ''60 Minutes'' and got it right. Howard sounded shocked. Fred said ''Game on!'' Howard said that the guy they're playing for just beat off. Howard said he's so proud of Fred. Fred said that he is going with 1981 and the answer he thinks Howard will give. Gary said that he thinks Jon said that his favorite TV show is ''CBS Sunday Morning News.'' He was wrong. Gary said his real favorite is ''Seinfeld.'' Richard said he's going to say that Sal said ''Entourage'' and he was wrong too. Sal said it was ''True Blood.''
JD said that Howard and Fred are winning right now. They're the only ones with points. JD asked Fred which staff member's wife he would like to have sex with other than his wife. Fred said that he would say Howard's wife but he can't go there. He said he'd say ''Mary.'' Howard said he went with Christine. Howard said that he knew Fred wouldn't say his wife. Gary said that he thinks Jon said ''Beth.'' He was right. Richard said that Sal would say Will's wife. He was wrong.
JD asked Fred what the most embarrassing thing he's ever done in front of Howard was. Fred said that he thinks that Howard will say it was the incident at Scores. He was wrong. Gary said that he and Jon don't do anything in front of each other. He said that Jon changed into his pajamas in front of him. He was wrong. Richard said he'd say licking Sal's balls. He was wrong too.
Howard said that Jon and Gary are tied with him and Fred. He said they'll take a break and then come back and do more questions with the ''wives.'' Howard had to take over as host to move the game along. Howard said that if they wait for JD they'll never get this thing over with. They went to break after that.
The Newlyweird Game - Part 2. 09/13/11. 7:30am
After the break JD took over as host since Howard was out of the studio. JD said that Howard and Fred had 5 points, Gary and Jon had 5 and Richard and Sal had 0.0 points. Fred was doing his JD impression goofing on him so Robin had to move it along.
JD asked Fred who he thinks Howard's favorite actor or actress is. Fred said he'll say De Niro. Gary said that he would say that Jon's is the girl from 30 Rock. Katrina Bowden. Gary said that Jon doesn't seem to have a lot of sexual feelings except when she shows up on screen. Richard said he'll say that it would be Joe Pesci.
JD asked Fred who Howard's least favorite person on the show is. Fred said he'd say JD right now. JD said that's fine. Fred said that he thinks that Howard will say Scott the Engineer. Gary said he'll go with Scott but not for the same reason. He said that Jon doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings and Scott is an easy answer. Richard said he'll say Ross Zapin is Sal's least favorite. Either that or Jason. Richard said he'll go with Ross.
JD asked Fred to guess how many sexual partners Howard has had. JD said he had to get within 3. Fred said that he will say 50. Gary said he'll say 5 for Jon. Richard said he'll say 10 for Sal.
JD said that this next question is a 25 point question. JD asked what Howard's least favorite thing about Robin Quivers is. Fred said he'll say that it's when she can't admit she's wrong. JD asked Gary what his answer is for Jon Hein. Gary said he's not sure because they like Robin. He said maybe that she's disorganized. Richard said he'll say that Sal will say that it's that she talks too much.
Richard wanted to guess what Howard and Sal talked about in the green room. They got Howard and the others back in there. Richard said Sal has a huge hard on because he was just talking to Howard. Howard said Sal was talking about his wife in the green room. He said that Sal's wife blocked him from both of her Facebook accounts. Howard said she unfriended him. Howard said she has a public Facebook page for her ''fans.'' Sal said he didn't say that as a bad thing. Gary joked that he was having lunch with Sal's wife this week. Sal didn't know that. Gary told him he was joking.
Robin said they had to get back to the game. JD asked Howard who Fred said his favorite actor or actress was. Howard said he'll say that maybe it's Jack Nicholson or maybe Al Pacino. He said maybe Fred said it was De Niro. He went with that and got it right. JD asked Jon who he thinks Gary said. Jon said that he'd say that it will be Katrina Bowden. He was right as well. Howard said Gary is nodding and he'd take that away from him. Jon said he wasn't even looking at Gary. Sal said he's going to say Robert De Niro too. He got it wrong. Howard said that he'll give it to Sal and Richard for not nodding to one another. Howard said if Gary gives tips anymore then he's going to disqualify them. Robin said that Howard and Fred and Gary and Jon are tied.
JD asked Howard who Fred said was his least favorite person on the show. Howard said he likes everyone on the show. He said he might say Benjy but he bitches about Scott's engineering. Howard said he likes Benjy. Howard said he's going to go with Benjy. He was wrong. JD asked Jon who Gary said was his least favorite. Jon said that he tries to like everyone. He said that he thinks that Gary might have said that he said David Haight. He was wrong too. Gary said Scott. JD asked Sal what he said. Sal said he'd have to say Jason Kaplan. He was wrong.
JD asked Howard how many people Fred thinks Howard had sex with. Howard said he would say 30. Fred said 50. JD asked Jon how many Gary guessed. Jon said that he would say 5. He was right. Sal asked what ''within 3'' means. Howard repeated the question slowly to Sal. Howard asked Sal how many women he's had sex with, within 3. Sal didn't get it. Sal thought it meant that three people knew the answer or something. Sal said that he'll say 7 people. Richard said 10 so he was within 3 and got one right finally. Sal was thrilled.
JD asked Sal what he thinks Richard said is his least favorite part of Robin. Sal said it's that she talks too much. That was the 25 pointer so they were in the lead now. Fred said he's going to say that Robin can't admit when she's wrong. Howard said he thinks that's a match. Will was judging so he gave it to him. Jon couldn't believe that. They turned to JD to be the judge. Howard said there are a lot of semantics in that. Howard said that Robin thinks she's an expert on everything. JD said he'll give it to them.
Howard said that Robin is the one who is always goofing on him and this is really almost the same thing. Gary said if it makes him feel better than take it. JD asked Jon what he thinks Gary said was his least favorite thing about Robin was. Jon said he'll say that it's between talking too much or being an expert on everything. He said he's going to go with being a know it all. Gary said it was that she's disorganized. They got it wrong.
Howard asked JD to announce the winner. It was Howard and Fred. Howard said he loves Fred. He told JD to wrap it up so he can go to the guys on the phone.
Howard got Trevor on the phone and told him he just won 5 grand. Trevor said that's amazing. Howard said he won a trip to Las Vegas as well. He got in some plugs for the Budweiser Band of Buds thing. He got Rick on the phone and told him that Sal and Richard came in last. Rick said that he hates to be a sore loser with that last question. He asked if there's a consolation prize. Howard said he didn't have one but he felt that his answer was a match. The caller said that he has given him so much joy over the past 20 years he'll let it go. Howard thanked him for playing. Howard got Mark in Boston on the phone and told him he didn't win. Mark said Howard is the best and he was okay with that. Howard got in some more plugs for Budweiser and thanked Fred for being a great partner. Howard said they will always have someone complaining about it. Howard took a call from someone who said that Sal proved that he's a moron. He said that it also proved that Howard and Fred are the best. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break. He said they had Lars Ulrich from Metallica coming in next.
In the clip Robin was reading some news about Christopher Reeve turning 50 and having some progress getting feeling back in his finger. Robin said he has some sensation in the finger and he can feel cold and hot. Howard said he feels so bad for that guy. Robin said he can live off his respirator for 90 minutes at a time. Howard said he can't imagine what that's like. Robin said he can't do anything for himself at all. Robin said he still thinks there's a reason to live. Howard said he thinks he'd rather be dead. Artie said that his father was a quadriplegic for the last couple of years of his life. He wasn't able to even move a finger.
Howard was doing an impression of Reeve talking to his wife and asking his wife to come over and get ready for his finger. Howard said that Dana is a fan of the show and he'd like to ask what he does with that finger. Howard wondered if it goes up and down. Robin said he can lift it. Howard said he really would want to be gone if that was the condition he was in. Howard said he has to have people do everything for him. Howard said if he had the one finger working he'd be fingering everyone though.
Howard said he hopes he makes a full recovery. Robin said she does too. She said that Reeve says that the reason he's not recovering faster is because of the trouble getting stem cell research going.
Howard ended up singing a song about using his finger to the tune of ''Light My Fire'' by The Doors. The whole thing was about using his finger.
Robin read some other news stories and then Howard talked about what he'd be drinking that night. He said he's going to be drinking vodka and grapefruit juice. Stuttering John came in and told him he should try Kettle One. Howard said he'll try that. Howard told John to bring in 5 vodkas next week and he'll do a taste test.
Robin read some news about how our lifespans are growing longer. She said it's up to 76 years now. They wrapped up the segment after that.
In the clip Howard was talking to god about the weather. God said he could tell something was wrong and asked Howard what the problem was. Howard said he has hemorrhoids. God laughed at him and said he wouldn't make him the ''butt'' of any joke. He said he won't ''butt'' in either. He said he won't be a ''butt-inski'' either. Then he said they had to get to the bottom of this and gave the weather forecast.
In the clip Howard had the guys in the band come in. He showed a picture of him jamming on stage with the band to Robin. Howard said they're his band now. He said he has hung out with them a bit. Howard said he hung out with Curt and the guys and jammed with them on stage.
Howard asked the guys if they were drinking all night. They said they can't say that on the air. Howard said it's typical to do that as a rock band. Howard asked if anyone is on heroin. One of the guys said he was whacked out of his mind. Howard said that seems about right for a rock band. Howard said he thought Curt was on it the night he hung out with him. Curt said he thought Howard was.
Howard said he went to the Stone Temple Pilots concert and he heard about the Meat Puppets playing. He said he met Cris first. Cris said he met his girlfriend first. Howard said that's right. He said the Stone Temple Pilots were complaining that he was taking up too much room on the side of the stage. Howard said they ushered him up to some room and he was missing everything that was going on. Howard said he wasn't able to see anything. He was assured he'd be able to stand there on the side of the stage.
Howard said he was up in this room and this hot girl showed up. One of the guys said that she has some big ol' titties. Howard said they can't say that on the air.
Howard said he was asked by this girl if he was going to this party. He had no idea who she was but she was in a mini-skirt and she was showing off her cans. He said she was kind of annoying talking a lot. He said she wouldn't shut up. Howard said he started drinking and he doesn't even drink. Howard said she told him that she used to be their manager and she was dating the bass player. One of the guys said that she's never been their manager. Howard said he wanted to see the band even though he didn't know their music very well.
Howard asked the guys when they're going to break big. He said the guy from STP really likes them. He said he was trying to watch the band and Scott was telling him how great they are. Howard said this girl was rambling on and on and telling him she's engaged to one of the guys in the band. Howard asked if he's really engaged. He said he's not really in the literal sense. Howard asked if they're really engaged. Cris said that they are kind of.
Howard said that Cris turned out to be a big fan. He drew him a picture but he ripped it up and threw it in the garbage. Howard said he has enough crap in his house and he doesn't need a picture. Howard said they asked him to jam with them so he agreed to do it. Howard said they put on a great show.
Howard said he watched them do their thing for a while. Then he looks up and sees they have a really hot chick in the band. Howard said she was wearing a nice mini-skirt and stockings and she was performing in her bra. Howard said Curt turned around and he notices it's a guy in a mini-skirt and bra. Howard said Curt has a nice ass. He asked if Curt is gay. Curt said he wears women's clothing at times. Howard said he's not saying that's gay but a lot of guys are doing that. He said if you ask if they're gay then get upset with you.
Curt told Howard how he got started with the dressing up thing. Howard said he was hanging out on the side of the stage and then he walked out to jam with the band. They didn't even introduce him. He said that the people there recognized him. Curt said that they unplugged Cris when they plugged Howard in. He said Howard was plugged in and playing. Howard said he doesn't think they had him turned up though. Howard said the crowd knew it was him when he didn't know the second chord.
Howard said he was jamming with Cris and then they ended up hugging each other. Howard said after they were done they hung out and talked. He said they asked to come on the show so he told them they could come on any time. Howard said that's when the girlfriend came up to him and asked about going to the party. Howard said he thinks that chick dug him. Cris said that he shouldn't underestimate her.
Howard said they're going to play some songs now and he's going to jam with them again. Howard said he has to tune up his guitar first. Not long after that the guys played ''Lake of Fire'' with Howard.
In the clip Howard called this guy Bob who wanted to come on the show to talk about how he was raped by some women. Howard said he doesn't believe that a man can be raped by a woman. Bob said you can. Bob told Howard that he was a model and he was at a shoot this day. He said he was in an empty house for the shoot. He said he was in a g-string. Howard asked what he was being paid. Bob said he was being paid $120 an hour. Howard asked if he had an agent check this out first. Bob said he didn't have one at the time.
Howard asked what went on next. Bob said they had a model handcuff him to a motorcycle for the shoot. He said he had both hands cuffed to the motorcycle and then they let this female model go. He said she got dressed and left. Then they blindfolded him and he knew something was up. He said he started to get a little leery of what was going on. Bob said asked what the F was going on there. The women threatened to castrate him and then they forced him to have oral sex with them and then they put a strap-on dildo on.
Bob said the worst part was that they were going to bring other people back to rape him too. He said they came back later and said that if he went to the police they had pictures and they'd expose him. Bob said he never went to the police. He said that the other model would also deny everything.
Howard asked how long they locked him up. Bob said it was like 2 and a half hours. He said that if you struggle to get out of cuffs they just get tighter. He said you can't get away from a 2,000 pound Harley either.
Howard asked if the chicks were biker chicks. Bob said they weren't really. Bob said they were very dyke-ish and ugly. Bob said that he wanted to remain professional with the women but they didn't do that with him. He said he doesn't know what else they were doing while he was blindfolded.
Howard asked if he is unable to be with women now. Bob said he hasn't been with anyone in 2 and a half years now. Howard said this doesn't sound so true to him. He said he can't believe he hasn't been with anyone in over 2 years over that. He said he should just grow up and go bang a woman. Howard said he has to get over it and just go out and do it. Howard said he should meet a normal girl and get something going.
Howard said he thinks this guy might be gay. He said he has some pictures of him and he has a nice physique. Robin said she might be able to help him solve his problem. Howard said this whole thing is very unusual. Robin said there have been male rape victims before. Howard said no guy would stay away from women for 2 years even if a bus ran over his penis. Bob disagreed with him. Howard said he must be a very sensitive man. Robin said that could mean something. Howard said his story stinks on ice. He said there's something not right about it. Howard said this whole thing is silly. He ended up hanging up on the guy.
Howard said you could chain him to a bed and drive a truck up there and he'd still need to have women. Howard said he doesn't understand this. He said the guy must be gay. They spent a couple more minutes talking about that before going to break.
Heather Locklear Comes In. 09/13/04. 7:15am
Howard said they got a call from Tony Danza's people and they told him that Tony's first guests are Liza Minelli and James Gandolfini, not Regis like Howard said earlier in the morning. Heather Locklear came in a short time later. Howard said she still looks good these days. He was amazed that her breasts were real after he asked her about them. Howard wondered if he could go over and feel them. She said ''yes'' to him and he stood up and went over to her. Howard was having some microphone problems but he eventually got one to work. Heather said she was just kidding when she agreed to let him feel her up. Heather didn't let him touch her boobs so he just smelled her instead. Howard thought she was really going to let him touch her. She said she'd let him do it off camera. Howard agreed to that and Artie suggested that they go to break right then.
Howard invited Heather into his bathroom so he could feel her up off camera but she just wanted him to do his show and feel her up during the break. Heather told Howard and Robin that she could stay home and not work but she just can't do that. She has to get out of the house and work. Howard talked to her about her husband Richie Sambora and how he's still very close to the guys in Bon Jovi. Heather said that those guys are Richie's real family and they still spend a lot of time together.
Howard mentioned that Tommy Lee had Heather's name all over his book. They spent a minute talking about that and Heather said that she thinks she's got more money than Tommy does. She said that Tommy had a lot of money at one point but he must have gone through it. Howard asked Heather about her relationship with Tommy and if she believes that Tommy could have been abusive with Pam Anderson. Heather said that she would step away from that question because she wasn't there to see it. She did say that Tommy was always ''at eleven'' all of the time and he could never chill out. She said he was very ''tiring'' but he never abused her. She kind of alluded to the fact that he ''abused'' her with his big penis. She said he's not the biggest she's had though. Howard figured that Richie has a big one as well. She didn't want to get into that because Richie has a daughter. She eventually said that Richie does have ''girth'' and couldn't believe that actually came out of her mouth. Howard couldn't get off the subject and asked her about Tommy Lee's penis. He wondered if she was shocked when he pulled his pants down for the first time. She claims that she wasn't shocked at all.
Howard told Heather that they have a fan who was willing to do anything to meet Heather. Howard said he had an idea to have the guys throw stuff at this guy while he talks to Heather. Doug Goodstein from E! told Howard that they have Spam, cupcakes and whipped cream pies to throw at him while he's naked. Gary asked the guy if he'd be willing to do that. The guy said he'd be willing to get into a bikini so Howard agreed to let him do that. They got him a bathing suit and sent him off to the bathroom to get changed.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked Heather if she ever banged Charlie Sheen. She said that he never did. Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Heather if Tommy ever forced her into a three way. Heather said she was never forced. She then said she had never done a three way but Howard didn't believe her. He said she had to have been wild back then. Howard figured she must have been with William Shatner and Adrien Zmed.
The guy who came in to meet Heather was ready to have stuff thrown at him. They brought him in dressed in his bikini. They then had him stand there as they threw food at him. Artie was throwing as hard as he could. The guy had welts on his back within a few seconds of being hit. Howard let the guy talk to Heather after getting pelted with the food. Howard actually let the guys keep throwing stuff at him as he was talking. Heather was screaming and couldn't believe that they were letting the guy get hit so much.
This guy who was getting food thrown at him told Howard about how tough he's had it over the past year or so. While he was telling the story, Benjy whipped some more food at him. Gary ended up giving him a watch from Steven Singer Jewelers as a prize. Howard told the guy to run out and get changed again so he could talk to Heather before she left. Gary told Howard that she really had to get going so Howard had to wrap up with her. He went to break a minute later. Heather's new show ''LAX'' starts tonight on NBC at 10pm.
In the clip Howard started the show talking about how he really gave himself yesterday. He said he taped a stupid TV show for channel 20 in Connecticut. Howard said it was horrible. He said they had no make up person and he wasn't even sure who the director was. Howard said he did about 45 minutes on stage at a very small comedy club. He said he will never do that again either. He said that place was too small. Howard said he gave them the most incredible stand-up they've ever seen at that club. Howard said he doesn't do it very often and this is probably the first time he's done it in 10 years. Howard said the last time he performed he did it under the name Richard Pryor.
Howard said he made people laugh and that's the greatest thing you can give, the gift of laughter. Howard said it was a charity event and there was a line going out on the street. He said there was a few mentions on the radio there and they mentioned it a few times too. Howard said the place was jammed to the rafters. Howard said he did penis jokes and things like that. He said he openly discussed women's breasts and more. He said there were comics there who thought he was the new Eddie Murphy. Robin said that Richard Pryor might be a better example.
Howard said he gives so much of himself in a set and he's totally drained today. He took a call from a guy and asked if he was there last night. That guy said no and so did a few more. Howard finally found a guy who said he was there but he was lying. Another guy said he was wearing a yellow jacket. That guy was right so he was actually there. Howard spent a minute talking to that guy about the event.
Howard said he didn't want to come off like he was bragging about this. He said doing comedy like that is like taking H. He said that's the way many of his peers describe it. He said there were a lot of people offering him marijuana cigarettes and snorts too. He said a lot of people were carrying last night.
Howard took some more calls and tried to find more people who were there. Howard had a bunch of people who weren't there calling in. Howard would just pick up, ask if they were there, and then hang up. One guy said he was there last night and he offered him a marijuana cigarette. Howard said he remembered him but he had to go because he had Al Rosenberg on the phone. Al was back stage at the MTV Video Music Awards.
Howard took the call from Al and talked to him about what he's doing over there at the MTV Awards. He said he heard he took a picture with David Lee Roth. Al said he kept calling Glen Frye ''David Frye'' so he made him feel really good. Al said he hung out with Morris Day. Al said he met Joan Baez a few minutes ago. Al said he met John Cougar Mellencamp and he's going to see Hall and Oates soon. Al said the Temptations should be there soon too. Al said Pat Benetar is going to be there too. He said she's performing. Al said Mellencamp will be performing too. Al mentioned a bunch of other people who were there and who he'd be seeing. They wrapped up a short time later.
Howard Conducts A Symphony Of Arguments. 09/13/07. 10:15am
Howard was going to have Robin start her news but he let Mariann from Brooklyn go off on her first. She was yelling about Robin being so moody and that she needs to do some volunteer work or something. Another caller said that they should just let Robin and Fred go off on each other for the rest of the show, forget the news. That guy also said that he loved Jason and Scott going off on each other.
Howard said that Jason is so much more enlightened than Scott is. He seems to be much more informed than Scott is and Scott just attacks Jason's looks. Scott came in and said that he thinks that he's just surrounded by a bunch of liberals there. Howard said he's no liberal, neither is Artie.
Howard said he heard that Scott is on SternFanNetwork defending himself during the show. Scott said that it was during a commercial break and he had to read the thread about himself when he was told about it. Jason came in and said that he's been getting a bunch of e-mails about Scott being on SFN and it's in the middle of the show.
Jason came in and said that Scott is stupid and he has no arguing abilities, he just attacks him when he gets thrown for a loop. Howard told Scott he should limit his attacks to the facts and not make it personal. Scott said he's not going to talk to Jason anymore. Jason said that's great, do him a favor and stop.
Ralph called in to tell Scott why he sounds so stupid. He said it sounds like he's spitting out the party line when he talks about this stuff. Scott said that Ralph and Jason are double teaming him and he hates that. The guys were throwing out a bunch of news sources but Scott only trusts FOX news and the Wall Street Journal. everyone else is too liberal according to Scott.
Scott was saying that he got some of his information earlier this morning from FactCheck.org. Jason and Scott went back and forth attacking each other personally. Jason was goofing on Scott for having a really easy job of directing the show. Scott said that all that Jason does is type. Scott said that Will is constantly bashing him behind his back. Jason said that Scott is very unliked by a lot of people. He also said that he doesn't have time to go on SFN like Scott does.
Howard tried to get a symphony going with Fred and Robin arguing while Scott and Jason were going at each other. He started to get the two of them worked up but Jason and Scott were still going off on each other.
Howard heard that two people were quitting because of Scott. Scott said that's not true, he called in the lighting guy Mike to say why he's leaving. Mike said that it's not because of Scott, he just got another gig and he's going to the new job. Jason said that there are people at Howard TV who make fun of Scott behind his back. Scott said that he and Doug Goodstein were talking about how annoying Jason is. Jason didn't seem to care.
Scott bragged about his life and how great it is and said that he's glad that Jason is miserable in his crappy apartment and stuff like that. Jason also said that Gary is upset with Scott about the way he was treated when he talked to him about the stuff he's been going through with his mom. Scott tried to explain himself there but Howard tried to get Fred and Robin going again. Artie asked if he wanted to get Dice on the phone because he still has issues about the five grand he got paid.
Gary came in and said that he doesn't hate Scott but he didn't like the comment he made about health care. He said that he was talking about what he was going through with his mother and Scott told him that he should have been better prepared for her. Gary said that his mother's medical care is $12,000 a month. Scott told the guys that maybe they should be putting more money into health care then.
Scott's cell phone rang so Jason told him ''Turn your cell phone off... Stupid.'' Scott didn't seem to like that and called him fat. Howard told the two of them to leave and go out and make up. Jason said he'd have no problem making up with him but Scott hates him so he figures that he won't do it. He said that Scott used to argue with him when he was an intern and he'd actually call him from the road after coming up with more stuff.
In the clip Howard took a call from KKK member Daniel Carver and told him that he had another member of the KKK sitting in the studio. That was Billy West doing a southern accent.
Howard talked to Daniel about Michael Jackson and figured he'd be on fire about the news about him possibly being a child molester. Daniel wasn't all that fired up though. Daniel said it doesn't affect him that much. Howard said he saw some pictures of Daniel's house and he had a bunch of black lawn jockeys out there. Daniel said he sells them so he can have about 20 out there at times.
Howard said he had a neighbor that had one and people would spray paint it white at night. Howard asked if Daniel has that problem. Daniel said he hasn't had that problem. Howard spent a minute trying to get more out of Daniel but he wasn't worked up over the whole thing.
Howard asked what would happen if his kid dated a black person. Daniel said they'd be disowned. He said that they're like the Amish in that way.
Howard asked Daniel if he likes sports. Daniel said he doesn't want to watch sports. He said he has more important things to do. Daniel said he'd rather watch cartoons. Howard asked if he watches Beavis and Butt-Head. Daniel said he watches Road Runner and Popeye but not Beavis and Butt-Head. Howard let Daniel go a short time later.
Howard said you have to see his house with the black lawn jockeys out there. Billy did an impression of a southern person wanting to pull over and get one.
In the clip Howard was taking some phone calls and came across a woman who said she loves the show. She was 29 years old. Howard was sweet talking her and told her to climb on top of her speaker. Howard asked if she was sitting on top of the speaker. She said she was on both of them. Then Howard started moaning into the speaker to get it to vibrate. Howard was talking in some strange accent as he did it.
Sal's Tearful Apology. 09/13/06. 6:20am
Howard had some audio clips from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Sal the Stockbroker talked about some things that happened to him when he was a kid. He claimed that his aunt used to tease him and goof on his penis when he was 8 or 9 years old. Howard went through that clip and Gary said that Sal was almost dizzy at that point because of all of that stuff.
Artie said that Sal kind of did something disrespectful to Mutt during that conversation because he was telling him that he had sniffed his daughter's panties because they were gross and he was trying to scheeve out Richard. Howard said he thinks that Sal was very disrespectful to Mutt and his family and he shouldn't have been doing that crap at his house. Then he goes on the Wrap Up Show and brings up the molestation stuff. Howard seemed to think he was trying to get out of that Mutt thing with that but both Gary and Fred said that it wasn't really like that, they were trying to figure out why Sal would do something like that and that led to the revelation of the molestation.
Sal came in and said that he called Mutt a few times yesterday and posted an apology on SternFanNetwork yesterday. He said he feels really bad about all of this stuff and then started to get upset. He said he's not a pedophile and started to cry. He said that whatever he does or whatever he says he tries to make it interesting for the show. He sometimes doesn't realize how much it's going to hurt him or the people he's talking about. He said this girl doesn't deserve all of this and he really wasn't thinking about the consequences of what his comments would do.
Sal said he knows he has to figure out where the line is and stop going over it. He was sniffling and sounded like he was crying as he was giving this speech. He said he didn't intend to hurt this young girl and it was just a joke that really hurts him personally because he didn't want to hurt anyone else. He told Howard that he didn't want to lose his respect. Howard interrupted and said that he never had his respect so he shouldn't worry about it.
Artie gave Sal a big ''Wah!'' after his speech. Howard and Robin pointed out that Sal's make-up wasn't running while he was crying so that was impressive. Artie said that if Sal really did get molested and has sexual issues, he really should go see a therapist. Howard said he almost shit in his pants yesterday when he heard Artie giving Sal advice about going to therapy. Artie said he was never molested and he knows he's not normal... but Sal has been and may need help.
Artie said that Sal could really get into trouble if he did something like he did to some other guy. Gary said he's pretty sure that Sal didn't do anything illegal, it was just creepy. Howard said that he doesn't think that Sal is doing something sexual when he sniffs panties, he's just being goofy. Howard thinks that Sal would have sniffed Mutt's grandmother's panties if they were in that bathroom that day.
Joey Boots called in and said that he was there when he did the panty sniffing thing. He said he thinks he was just doing it as a goof that day and he wasn't doing it in a sexual way. Joey said he did tell Sal that it was wrong to do that because the girl was only 16 years old. Howard said that he doesn't know Mutt all that well but he's very impressed with his work on the station and he's very loyal to the show. He said that the guy might not ever trust Sal again after that though.
Artie said that if someone did that to him, he would fuckin' flip on the guy. Mutt has been very forgiving as far as anyone can tell. Sal said that if he closed himself in the bathroom and spent some time sniffing the panties, he would understand. He wasn't sniffing them in a private manner, he was doing it as a goof with Richard. Artie said he still thinks that Sal is way turned on by this girl and that even came out in his apology. Fred said that shouldn't have even come up in the apology.
Sal was still bringing up how attractive the girl is so Artie kept telling him that bringing that up is a problem. Gary said her looks keep coming up and they really shouldn't be talking about her that way. Artie said that Sal is very involved with his cock and balls and that's what everything is about.
Gary said he's seen Sal pull people to the side and ask people for the Sybian attachments. He asks for them off the air and doesn't always do that stuff on camera. That's kind of disturbing as well. Artie said that Sal is always involved with 'the booths' and screwing around with Richard on the show. He just wants him to put that thing away.
Gary asked Sal who got to him about this stuff yesterday. Sal wouldn't give details but it sounded like his wife got to him and made him do this. Gary said that when Sal started to apologize it was like the Jackie apology in tone and delivery. Howard said that they could do a whole weekend of apology shows and crying shows now.
Artie said that he's glad he hasn't shed a tear on the show yet so he's lucky in that way. Joey told Artie he's got another 4 and a half years to cry on the show. Artie said he does cry so it could happen some day.
Sal said he thinks of the goof first and not about the consequences of what he does. Robin said that's what they've been telling him for a long time now. Sal said he's going to go to therapy over all of this stuff so the guys asked him if he would do the Meet the Shrink show so we can all hear it.
Gary wondered if they're partially responsible because they encourage Sal to go over that line. Howard said that's crazy and they're not responsible for what Sal does. Fred said that Sal doesn't do all of that stuff for the show, he was just doing that for Richard and Joey Boots when he sniffed those panties.
Howard heard that Sal took a shit for the Howard TV guys the other day. Gary said he saw it and Sal sits about a foot off the toilet so you see the shit coming out and falling into the toilet. The Howard TV guys had it up on the screen so they played that for everyone. Some of the guys said they couldn't watch. Artie had no desire to see it so he didn't watch. Everyone else was grossed out by it.
Sal said he's going to be starting therapy as soon as possible. He said it may stop once his wife lets him back in the house. Howard asked Fred to pull Sal's apology from when he made some racist remarks on the Wrap Up Show. Fred dug around and found one of those clips. Everyone laughed as they listened to his crazy apology. Joey Boots was laughing when he heard Sal say he wasn't a racist. Howard also pointed out that Sal cried on the show one other time when he was trying out for the job there.
Gary said that they did a whole chronology of what Sal said on the show and then on the Wrap Up Show throughout the morning. He wanted Howard to play some of that but Howard went to the final clip where Mutt confronted him on the Wrap Up Show. By then Sal was saying it was a joke but Mutt said that it wasn't a joke and he didn't tell him about the panty sniffing for months. Sal had claimed it was the next day but Mutt said it was months later. Joey Boots was laughing again when he heard that.
Artie said that Howard has surrounded himself with people who are nuts. They're all nuts on the show. Robin said that Howard does like insane people and they've gotten close to getting into trouble over that over the years. Artie said he remembers the first time he was on the show telling his coke stories and Howard saying that he loves out of control people.
Robin said that Howard wanted to have a sportscaster on the show when they were working in Washington DC and he found a guy who was completely nuts and ended up melting down. The guy was in the corner in the fetal position at one point and they couldn't get him out of the building.
Artie said that he's let Howard borrow a DVD and he got it back to him very quickly in the same condition that he gave it to him in. Most people aren't like that. Howard said he was raised like he was in the taliban so everything he does is very orderly and neurotic. Joey told him that's not such a bad thing. Howard agreed and said it really isn't. Howard said that if he tells someone he's going to do something, he's going to do it.
Howard played more of Sal's comments from the Wrap Up Show where Sal was talking about what he had done and how he realizes it was wrong. He kept bringing up the fact that Mutt's daughter was hot. Artie said that's a very sexual comment and Mutt doesn't want to hear that stuff.
Joey told Howard that he's taking his first lesson today for a pilot's license now that he's been sober for 205 days. Everyone sighed when they heard that. Fred played some airplane sounds and eventually a crash. Artie told Boots that he's celebrating his 4000th day not flying his own plane. Boots offered to let him come up with him sometime but Artie said that's not going to happen.
In the clip Howard said Gary just told him he has a suicidal caller on the line but he's not sure it's for real or not. Howard said he doesn't want anyone calling in who is suicidal. Howard said he doesn't want that responsibility.
Howard picked up on the guy and told him that he's not sure if he's kidding or not. The caller said he's really upset and he's not sure what he can do. He said he might have to pull the trigger. Howard asked him not to do that on the air. The caller said he loves Howard, he's the king. The caller said he doesn't want any help, he just wants to say goodbye.
Howard asked what his problems are. The caller said his wife left him. Howard said he knew it. Howard said that he has his whole life ahead of him. Howard asked how old he is. The guy said he's 27. Howard said girls are desperate and there are no good guys around. The caller said that's not the problem. He said he was married and that's not the problem. He said he never cheated on her. Robin asked if she left him for another guy. The guy said she left him for another woman. Howard said that's the best and he shouldn't see it as a negative. The caller said the other girl was hot too. He said he didn't think his wife was a lesbian. He said they had sex every night and it was great.
Howard told the guy not to be so upset about it. He said he'll find another woman. The caller said he's going to do this and he's doing it in Howard's name. Howard asked him to please not do that. Howard asked what he does for a living. The guy said he's a memorial counselor. He sells plots and crypts.
Howard said he'd try to get him a date if he wanted to come in there. The caller said he's not sure he wants to do that. Howard said he knew he was a fake. The caller asked if he could really get with those girls.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was married for over 20 years and he shouldn't be upset about this. She said that her husband threatened to kill himself and he ended up doing it. She said he tried to kill her and the kids before he killed himself. She managed to escape and went into hiding for a few days. She said it's a very hard thing to deal with.
The woman on the phone said that they should find out where he is and try to get him some help. The guy said he wants to do this now. The woman asked if he has a mother and father. They spent a minute going back and forth and she eventually hung up. Howard said he was getting suicidal from that woman anyway.
Robin asked the guy to just give it one more day. The caller said he can't do that. Howard said he'll even send him a book at half price. The caller asked if he could get one signed. Howard said he'll do that for him. Howard said the book comes out in November so he has to wait. Howard said he'd even give him a Scores party. Then the guy broke out of his fake crying voice and said Howard is great. Howard told the guy is an ass for pulling that. He said they all knew it was a fake. The caller blamed it on Gary for putting him on. Howard said they all knew it but they can't just tell someone to kill himself and then actually have it happen. Howard said everyone would turn on him if he did.
Mark McEwan Audio And More On Artie's Premiere. 09/13/06. 10:15am
Howard changed subjects to this guy Mark McEwan who recently had a stroke. He said he was on a morning news program recently and he sounds awful now. Howard said the guy was a young guy too. He played some audio from the interview and said it sounds like Mark is in bad shape. He made a living talking and now he can barely speak.
Robin said she played against Mark on Celebrity Jeopardy and he beat her back then. She said she bets she could beat him now.
Artie said that he's going to be on Jim Breuer's show today since Jim is in the movie. He said he's going to hang out with him on his show then the two of them are going to head over to the premiere. Artie said that he's going to go home and take a nap before going to Jim's show and he's pretty sure he won't sleep through all of that.
Howard asked Artie if he's heard from Dana recently. Artie said he hasn't heard from her in a week now. Howard went into his Dana impression and made a call to him through his megaphone. He was crying and wishing him luck with his movie as Fred was playing some sad piano music.
Howard asked Artie if he invited any of the wack packers to the movie. He said he didn't invite them but he thinks that there's a whole faction of them that are going to show up. He said he's pretty sure that Double A is going to be there. Howard got back to his Dana call and brought up the blow job that he might be getting from that Jessica chick. Fred played some gagging oral sex sounds as he was talking about that.
Gary came in and said that Jessica was still there from her Sybian ride earlier and she was claiming that her labia had blow up since the ride and she wondered what was going on. Howard let Gary bring her back in and said that maybe it's her OCD coming though. She said that her lips look pumped up now. She showed them what they looked like and thought that they were huge. Howard told her they looked the same as they did earlier in the morning. She wondered if she was the only one who complained about that happening. Howard said she's the first. Fred told her to go ice them down or something. Howard told her that she has a very pretty vagina and she shouldn't worry about it.
After The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/13/99. 6:10am
Howard spent some time talking about what happened after they taped their show from the MTV Video Music Awards last week. During the show he said he wouldn't go to any of the after-parties but he did end up going to one. He went to Tommy Mitola's ''private'' party which turned out to be anything but private. He said there were reporters all over the place. Howard said he met a couple of celebrities but only stuck around for about 20 minute. Gary and Ralph were with him also. He said that Ronnie the limo driver has somehow become Howard's body guard and he was hanging around with him too. Howard also talked about how they blew off Jay Mohr at during the taping of their show on Thursday night. Howard thinks that no one knows who he is but thinks he's a really funny guy. He's got a new show coming up on FOX and Howard said it looks good but he didn't think Jay would make a good radio guest. Howard also heard that Stuttering John somehow managed to yell out some questions to the Backstreet Boys but the tape wasn't ready for Howard to play this morning. That led to Howard going a little nuts about how Scott the Engineer didn't do anything with the tape over the weekend. Stuttering John had to share some of the blame because he gave the tape to Scott and not to Gary. Scott ended up walking out of the studio and even the building but he soon returned. He was yelling about how he's not allowed to work overtime because the company is so cheap. John said he got kicked out of the room and Benjy also got kicked out when he tried to continue where John left off. Then Howard said that Robin Radzinski from E! got kicked out of another party when she tried to sneak Doug Goodstein in. She came in and explained how Doug wasn't allowed into the party so she snuck him around a back entrance. A security guard saw it happen and ended up tackling Radzinski, lifting her off her feet. Mike Gange saw it happen so he tried tackling the body guard because of the way he was handling her. They were all quickly removed from the party.
The Next Superstar... Zenaida Perez. 09/13/04. 9:50am
A woman showed up to the show asking to get on the air because she wanted to talk to him. Howard let her come in and said that she was pretty hot. As she started to talk to them Howard pointed out that the black lip liner she had on just didn't look good. She went on to tell the guys that she lost a lot of weight and went from a size 15 to a size 7. She's got 7 more pounds to lose. She started to ramble a bit about where she was from and who she's dating. Then she told the guys that she wants to be a singer. Howard had her sing a little bit but she really wasn't that good. Fred threw in a sheep's ''Baaahhh'' sound effect since that's kind of what she sounded like.
Her name was Zenaida Perez and she claimed that she could dance as well as sing. She wanted to hear some Marky Mark or ''Right Said Fred'' music to dance to. Gary told her that she might want to ask for something from the last 20 years. After she danced Howard said that she needs to lose another 15 pounds. She agreed to do that. It turned out she was lying about her age and Howard was able to get her to admit that she was actually 27 and not the early 20s that she was claiming.
Howard heard that she sent her pictures to the Ford modeling agency and they sent them back to her. She told Howard that she sent them back to them again and wants to prove that she's good looking enough to be a model. Howard told Zenaida that he's going to put her picture up on the web site today and let the fans rate her. He told her that she's too heavy to be a model. She seems to think that she can be a model if she can lose a few more pounds.
High Pitch Erik called in and told Howard to have her take her top off. She refused to do it and said she's not confident enough to do something like that. Howard told her that she'd have to do stuff like that when she models. Howard sent her off to get her pictures taken a short time later so Robin could start her news.
Howard asked Robin if they should have the band Jet on the show. He played a couple of songs from their CD to let her know what they do. Artie was having some fun goofing around with the songs that he was playing. Fred was also throwing in some sound effects and goofing on their stuff a little bit. Howard thought they were rockin' pretty good in the songs through.
Richie from E! came in and told Howard that Zenaida was out in the hall crying because someone called up interested in her. Howard had them bring her back in so he could talk to her while she was in tears. She cried a little more but then started telling Howard that she was told she wouldn't be able to get back on the air and then she heard that someone called in and said they might be willing to give her a chance at modeling. That's when she broke down and cried. She said she hates her life up in Haverhill and this is giving her the chance to make it. She was still crying and talking hysterically as she was explaining what was going on. Howard started to sing ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' to her as this was going on. For some reason Zenaida kept telling the guys that she is a ''real'' person. She kept using that line over and over again.
Howard took a call from Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) who was pretending to be a record company exec by the name of Tobey Stevens. He told Zenaida not to sign with anyone else because they wanted her. He goofed on her for a short time before Howard hung up on him.
Robin wondered where Zenaida's boyfriend was. Howard said that he's taking a rest somewhere. Artie said ''He's removing his ears.'' Zenaida thanked Howard for giving her a shot on the air for the first time. They ushered her out of the studio again so Robin could get back to her news.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:50am.
Today's Best Of The Week was over around 10:55am.