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Howard was back live this morning after a week long vacation. He started off the show saying that some people get upset that they go away but he said that the replays are just as good as when they're on. He doesn't get why people get so upset. He and Artie said that they should have enough to play now that they could retire now. Howard said that the replays had more entertaining stuff than what he had planned for today.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked Artie if he fell off the wagon while they were on vacation. Artie said he didn't so Howard moved on. Artie said that he never said he was on the wagon. Howard said that guy claimed he wanted to talk about Merv Griffin's death, not about Artie.
Howard got to Merv Griffin since that's what the caller claimed he was going to talk about. He said that Johnny Carson really didn't mean all that much to him but Merv's show really did. He talked about some of the things he remembered seeing on the show when he was younger. He said that Merv seemed to enjoy the guests he had on the show while Carson didn't. He said he liked Merv and the way he came off on his show.
Howard said that Merv created Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and he was also close to coming out with a new show that would have featured crossword puzzles. He said Merv was able to sell the Jeopardy game for $250 million and kept making future earnings from the show.
Howard said he had a weird run in with Merv's son Tony one time. He said he was out at an event with Mary McCormack, his movie wife, and she was doing some little piece to show she could play Janice Joplin. Merv's son owned this club she was going to use to do this thing. Howard was there and Tony came running out and yelling at him for saying stuff about his dad being gay on his show. Howard said that there were some accusations made by other people that were read on the show and his son really took offense to that.
Gary came in and said that they had the channel 9 show back then. Denny Terrio was on and Howard recreated the scene where Howard was dressed as Merv and dry humped Gary and raped him as Merv. Howard and Robin didn't remember doing those things. Howard said he can't remember that stuff at all.
Howard got back to the Tony story and said that he asked him to step outside when he confronted him at the club that day. He said that he was confronted when Mary was in the bathroom so she had no idea what had gone on. She suggested that he leave when he told her what had just gone on.
Howard got back to Merv and talked about some of the things he did in his career. He was in some big movies early on in his career and had the first tongue kiss in a movie. Artie said that the guy created Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune which are two huge things right there. Howard read that he was worth only $500 million when he died though. Fred said that maybe that's just what they're reporting but he could have had more. Artie said if the guy had that much when he died, he obviously earned over a billion.
Howard said that he doesn't do broadcasts like Merv did but he really enjoyed him when he had his own show. He said he felt bad when he read that he had died. He thought highly of him and he thought of him as a generous type of guy. He wasn't all neurotic like Johnny was.
Artie and Howard talked about the stuff Merv did and how much money he must have made doing those game shows. Gary said that Merv also wrote the theme song for Jeopardy and retained the rights for it when he sold the show. JD came in and said that Merv made $80 million on that song alone.
Howard said that one report said Merv was worth $1.3 billion in 2003. That seemed closer to what he was thinking he was worth. Melrose Larry Green called in and claimed that Merv once told him that he was a big fan of Howard's. Howard said that anyone would say that if they saw Melrose coming up to them. The guys talked about how scary Melrose can be when he approaches people.
Melrose said that Artie did better than the Goo Goo Dolls, The Beach Boys, Poison and others when he performed out in Pittsburgh. He grossed more than any of them at the place he appeared at. Howard thanked him for that and hung up on him.
Artie said that he has some good news for Howard. This year they're going to be roasting Pat Cooper at the Friar's Club. He said that Howard might want to come to that. Howard said that there's a lot of material there and he's got plenty to goof on him about. Artie said that Pat might shoot someone at the roast.
Howard said that they are back live and that's the most important message. He took another phone call from a guy who said that he had seen Howard do the Merv Griffin segment on his Channel 9 show. He said that was the first exposure to Howard. He said he knew that Howard was going to be great if he was ever syndicated back then.
Howard got back to his Merv Griffin discussion and talked about his old TV show. Artie said that Howard is interesting because there aren't many people who would say that they liked Merv more than Johnny Carson. He said there might be more guys out there like him but most wouldn't admit it. Howard said he really did like the guy as a host of a talk show. He was good with his guests and the things he did made you feel like they were genuine.
Howard read through some of the feedback and some people were saying that they thought Bubba was great that day. Others agreed with him exactly and said that Bubba came in and ruined it when he started goofing on Iron Sheik. Some people thought that Sheik should have his own show after hearing him that day. Howard said he's not sure what to think after all of that.
Howard said that someone even said that he himself ruined Sheik's appearance. Sheik had many stories to tell that day and he was being cut off by Howard, Artie and Bubba. One guy said that Sheik should be on as often as George Takei. Howard said that might be something to do. They could have him read some announcements like George does. Howard said they may have to try that.
Howard said he got a bottle of wine from George Takei recently. He and Beth had it during vacation and thought it was really good and must have been really expensive. He said he and Beth looked it up on the internet and found out it was an $84 bottle of wine. He said it was really good and he figured it must have been more than that. He was going to buy a couple of bottles himself because it was so good.
Howard mentioned that Robin's birthday was last week. She showed off the watch that Howard and Beth bought for her. She said it's beautiful and she loves it.
Howard read through some more of the Iron Sheik e-mail. He and the guys also talked about how much fun they had that day dressing up like wrestlers and all. Some people really enjoyed that interview. Howard figured that it must have been one of the top viewed shows on Howard TV.
Howard gave Gange some advice on his diet. He also talked to him about his dating life and Gange said that he doesn't plan on getting married. He said he'd like to have a kid without getting married, kind of like what Artie wants to do. Artie was eating during the discussion and had to stop for a few seconds to finish chewing his bite.
Gange said that he ordered his BLT with mayo this morning and he had to make sure that they got it right for him because someone else had written BLT with no mayo. Howard said he wanted to write him a letter telling him not to eat like that but he thought better of it and didn't bother. Howard said that was enough of Gange and let him go. He pointed out how big he looked from behind as he was walking out. He told him to just skip the bacon. He just needs the LT and no bread.
Howard said he might be ready to give up on chess now. He said he lost a bunch of games last week and almost gave up on it.
Howard said that he and Beth went to see the new Bourne Ultimatum movie and thought that it was just chase scene after chase scene with no content. He said that he was watching the movie ''Zodiac'' on DVD and that was a really good one, much better than the Bourne movie. He said the Bourne thing really has no content like the Zodiac movie did.
Howard said he's been working on the remake of Porky's and they've got two scripts being developed and now they're thinking of combining the two because they both have some really funny jokes in them. He said that he hasn't been concentrating on that so much lately because he's so busy with the radio and TV show. He said that the movie is green lit and they could start shooting as early as October but he doesn't think that's going to happen.
Howard was talking about some of the people he could put in the movie and mentioned Miss Black Howard Stern. He said that she was at Ronnie's block party during vacation. He said he'd talk more about that later. That led to Artie talking about going to Isaac's bachelor party over at Scores during vacation. He said that he had a great time over at Scores for that party. Howard said he hasn't been over there for a while but he will be back eventually.
Artie said that Howard is running with a different crowd now. Howard said he went out with John Bon Jovi and his wife Dorthea one night during vacation. He talked about how delightful Dorthea is but said that she doesn't warm up to you very quick. He said that she comes to dinner with the ''gate up'' kind of like he does himself. He said John told him about how Richie Sambora is doing and also asked about the guy with the curly hair whose name he couldn't remember. John had to tell him that's David.
Artie said that he did a gig at Caroline's this weekend and this woman asked him to sign something and then told him that she'd have him sign her breasts but she didn't have her nipples yet. She had a mastectomy so she had them removed and didn't have nipples on them. Artie said that might be the strangest thing that's ever been said to him. Howard wondered why they'd wait to put in the nips. Artie wasn't sure, he just knew that she told him about her nips being missing.
Artie said that he was at Caroline's Thursday, Friday and Saturday. He told her that she could bring friends so he got her in. He was hoping it would be 3 hot chicks but when she showed up, it was her, a hot chick and two guys from medical school. Artie said that it was like he was competing with med school guys. He said the two guys were looking at him with blank stares on their faces.
Howard said that the girl must have known why she was being invited. Artie said that they got free tickets and free booze and came back to thank him for it. He said that she'd be a great catch if he started dating her. She's 25 and she starts her residency in a couple of years. Howard said they should bring her in. Artie said that might ruin her career. Howard had to go to break after that.
Artie said that one of the guys in the band had overdosed the day they were supposed to perform and it apparently effected the guy negatively.
Howard said that he's got a few things to get to but he brought in Lisa G with her Howard 100 News headlines. She had a new hair style or something but she claimed that it was just out in the sun all weekend. Fred pointed out that she just had a pre-cancerous growth removed from her head and she's still going out in the sun. She said that she put on tons of sunscreen.
Lisa asked to see Robin's watch and said that looked nice. Howard asked her how much weight she's lost because she looks great. Robin said it's now 40 pounds. He told her she looks great.
Lisa said that they're going to have some reports about Ronnie's block party on today's Howard 100 News reports. Howard said he had some tapes from the party too so he'd be playing those later. He mentioned that Ronnie is doing this in his neighborhood and it goes on all night. He said he feels bad for the people who just want to go to bed there in the neighborhood. He said he heard some tapes of Ronnie trying to get women to take their tops off and things like that. There are kids at the block party and Ronnie is yelling about getting tops off.
Howard found some of the audio clips and said that Ronnie hired this DJ from SIRIUS, Louie Devito, to play music there. In the clip Ronnie is talking about how excited the people are to have him there. They were talking about getting girls naked there. Howard said that Ronnie takes any opportunity to be Ronnie the party guy.
Ronnie came in and said he wasn't telling them to do that stuff, that was their decision. He didn't know why he was taking the blame for that stuff. Howard had some clips of Ronnie singing at his party. He told Howard that he didn't call this DJ, the DJ called him and asked him to come.
Howard played the clip of Ronnie singing to this remix of Sweet Caroline that Louie Devito created. Ronnie said that Howard seems to hate when he has fun. He doesn't get it. Howard played a bunch of quick clips of Ronnie singing a few songs and asking women to dance and stuff.
Howard said that the music you hear in the clip is his worst nightmare. He said he hates going to hotels and hearing that kind of music playing. He played more of the tape where Ronnie was asking people not to step on his neighbor's lawn. They had just put down a new lawn so there was tape up trying to keep people off of it.
Gary said that Howard TV has video of Ronnie singing Sweet Caroline. They put that up and watched Ronnie as he did his thing. Howard said that Ronnie looks like a burn victim with those tattoos on his arms. Scott the Engineer did his ''Hands Up'' thing so the Howard TV guys played that. It was a visual thing so Howard didn't spend too much time on that. The guys talked about how Scott can barely move these days. Ronnie said that's because he has a hernia.
Howard played through a few more clips and listened to Ronnie and Louie Devito trying to get one of the interns to dance. Howard asked him if there are any other girls he could deliver to him at his parties. Ronnie said that he made sure that the underage girls didn't drink at the party.
Gary said that some of the interns got to see Ronnie's NASCAR room at his house. Ronnie said that's because they were using the bathroom in there. He said he didn't give them a tour. Lisa said she got to see it too and he does have a lot of stuff down there.
Lisa said she got a lot of hassle over bringing Miss Black Howard Stern to the party. She's been friends with her for a long time. Mike Gange came in and said that JD was acting really weird around her. JD came in and said that she's one of the most fake people he knows and he wanted nothing to do with her. He said that she only came up to him when there was a camera near him. He said he just didn't want anything to do with her at all. Gange told him that if he had that hot chick with him, other hot chicks would think he has something going on. JD told him to leave him alone though.
Howard played a clip of Louie Devito telling Jenna to get naked while he was playing his music. Ronnie said that he had to ask him to stop later on because some people were getting upset. Artie said that guy could have gotten him into trouble doing that stuff. Howard said he was sorry he wasn't there, it sounded great. He sounded a little sarcastic when he was saying that though.
Ronnie told Howard that he wasn't that drunk, he was just having fun there. Gary came in with some pictures that Jason had taken there at Ronnie's house. He's got tons of toys and a giant cut out of Pam Anderson in his basement. Howard laughed and said it looked like a toy store down there in his basement. Ronnie said that he had a replica hood from one of the cars and Artie started to laugh when he saw that. Ronnie didn't like that Jason came to his house and took pictures like that.
Ronnie said that someone actually did coke in his bathroom. He said he had a little mirror in there and it had white powder all over it. Artie said that if you leave a bathroom open at a party, someone is going to do coke. Ronnie said that he's pissed that Jason took pictures. He said ''Fuck you Jason'' when he came in. Jason said he actually didn't take the pictures, everyone else was.
Jason mentioned that Ronnie has a really hot neighbor too. Her name was Loretta and Ronnie said that she just had a kid. Jason said that the DJ booth was down the block from Ronnie's house so when he's yelling out for the girls to get naked, he's yelling up the street to do it.
Ronnie said all of those people had a good time but they won't come in and say that. He said they'll only bash it. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie bringing coke to the party must have livened things up. Ronnie said that he didn't bring coke in.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that there must have been a lot of people who weren't too thrilled having the get naked comments. Ronnie said that no one ever got naked there. High Pitch Mike called in and said some things to Ronnie that got him all worked up. Ronnie insisted that no one got naked there.
Howard heard that Mike got all excited that they had cotton candy there. He said he did. Dominic asked if anyone complained about the party while it was going on. Ronnie said that no one complained at all. It wasn't even his party, it was a block party that he just participated in.
Lisa G got back to her news report and mentioned a few more things that they'll be covering today. She said that they'll have a story about Bob Levy and his movie premiere that happened over the weekend. Howard let her go after that.
Howard played a clip that they found on the internet where a news reporter was laughing during a report about a deadly accident. Howard said the guy must have been thinking of something else while he was reading the story or something.
Howard said that Richard taped some really funny stuff over the weekend. He was out at a comedy show with Beetlejuice and they were in a hotel trying to find Beet's room but he wasn't able to find it. Beet was going around to the wrong rooms trying to get the door open with his key card. Richard said he figured that he'd just let Beetle do what he wanted and not interfere with his life. He wasn't swiping the card the right way but it didn't matter because he was at the wrong room.
Richard said that people called security so they eventually found the right room. Howard played the audio where Beetlejuice was yelling at a guy and his wife saying that he thinks that it's Bob Levy messing with him. Beetle said that he was starting to get pissed. He told them that he doesn't know who the fuck they think they are but they better open the door.
Richard said that he eventually helped Beetlejuice open the right door. He had to show him how to use the key. Richard said that he had to participate at that point because Beet was threatening to get on a bus and leave at one point.
Howard said Richard took Beetlejuice down to the pool at this hotel and took him swimming in a big American flag bathing suit. Richard said Beet looks really odd now too because his belly is so big. He said that Yucko said that it looked like a black lab swimming around in the pool. Shuli was there too so Howard said he saw him and it looked like a concentration camp guy swimming there. Artie said it looks like he's being bulldozed into a mass grave when he's in the pool. Howard thanked Richard for that and went to break.
Howard said that there was a Baba Booey on a TV channel in Tampa so he played the audio of that. In the clip a caller asked a question about real estate and then threw in the Baba Booey comment and a comment about Howard Stern's penis.
Howard said that Benjy got on WABC TV in the city. He saw them with a live camera and started yelling about Sanjaya. He played the audio of that where they were covering a marathon and Benjy gets on cam and starts yelling about Sanjaya. Howard said that the guy got really physical with him and threw him out of frame. Benjy said he really felt it too. Benjy was trying to say that America got it wrong and didn't keep Sanjaya in. Howard showed Robin the visual that Howard TV had. There was no audio though. When Fred tried to bring it up it gave Howard some weird echo feedback. Howard had some fun with that for a few seconds before moving on to the rest of the Top 5.
The Top 5 included Rhiana, Timberland, Plain White Ts, Fergie and Sean Kingston. Howard said that the Sean Kingston song sounded like ''Stand By Me'' and wondered if there was going to be a lawsuit there. The guys figured that they must have given credit and have to give them a cut of the profits.
Artie asked Howard if he saw the Two Corey's TV show. Howard said he didn't like it. Robin said the show is very contrived. Artie said that they admit that it is too. Howard said the best reality show is Paula Abdul's. Robin said that show is a train wreck but a boring one. Howard said he loves it though. He said that she's really whacked out of her skull.
Gary said that he was on a flight recently and had a crying baby too. He also had a dog in the cabin that was yelping and then there was a 10 year old kid behind him yelping and kicking his chair. Gary said that you're not even allowed to say anything to these people because then you'll be thought of as someone who hates kids or something.
Howard took a call from The Sim who asked how their vacations were. Robin said that she was out in Los Angeles and San Francisco for a few days. She was also up in Martha's Vineyard. Howard said he had a good time just hanging out.
The Sim mentioned a picture he'd seen of Howard in the paper. That got Howard talking about how there were a bunch of concerts out in the Hamptons that didn't have all that many people there. He said that it cost $15,000 for 5 different shows. He was invited to go see some of the shows so he went. He said he noticed that the people there were talking too much though. He just wanted to sit back and enjoy the shows. He was out to see Billy Joel one night and didn't want anyone talking to him so he sat there with his arms folded. That led to the paper writing that he was sleeping. He said that he was actually the only one listening to the concert.
Howard said the James Taylor concert was wild too. He enjoyed that. The Sim asked if he went to the Dave Matthews concert. Howard said he's not familiar with his music so he didn't go. The Sim said he likes the band even though some people say his music is kind of gay.
Eric was on the phone and said that he's trying to get his life back in order. He's going to be working as a laborer at a construction site this week. Artie told him that it's going to be a lot of work and he doesn't think that he's going to be able to handle it. Eric said he's going to do it no matter what it takes.
Howard said that Eric was evicted from his apartment and had to move in with Irish John. Artie said that Eric is going to need some coordination to do this laborer job. Eric said he's going to get paid $10 an hour to do it. He said that when it comes to work he's not lazy. Artie laughed when he heard that. Eric said he's going to work his ass off for that job.
Howard had Irish John on the phone and asked him how it's going. John said that Eric has been very clean while staying at his apartment even though Eric's apartment was filthy. John said that Eric is actually a good guy and he stepped up and helped him out a lot last year. Howard said that was shocking to hear that. He said that he figures Eric will never leave his apartment.
Howard asked Eric if he would have stolen Artie's iPod if he had the chance. Of course he said he wouldn't have done that. Eric said that John asked him to keep his apartment clean so that's what he's doing for him. John said that he left some money out and wasn't afraid that he'd steal it. He said that Eric is more of a scammer than s thief so he trusts him with the money.
Howard said it sounds like Eric is turning things around. Robin wanted to know why Eric wasn't paying his rent. He said that his father got fired from his job and wasn't able to help him out with the rent. Howard told Eric that there are these things called swans that have babies. They eventually chase their babies away brutally and that's what Eric's father should have done a long time ago with his baby boy. He has to go out and get a job and get a life.
John mentioned some pictures he'd seen of Howard and that led to Howard talking about how many people take pictures of him when he goes out. Eric asked Howard if he had any games he could play before he got off the phone. Howard said he didn't have any money today, if he did, he'd just give him the money without playing the game.
Howard played a High Pitch Eric prank call where he called a therapist trying to find someone to help him lose weight. The guys were grossed out by the noises that Eric makes when he's eating.
After that clip Howard played the Jim Cramer clip that Bobo was talking about. In the clip Cramer goes crazy and yells about stuff that Howard didn't understand. He said that he didn't think that much of it when he saw it. He said that he's kind of like that guy in the movie ''Network'' who goes nuts. Robin said he sounds kind of like Scott the Engineer too. That led to Fred playing some of the Scott clips from the day he flipped out after his push-up challenge.
Howard said that Jim Cramer clip was going around to everyone on the internet. He said that he's been watching the internet more than regular TV these days. He said he's seen Beth doing that too. He said that Rosie O'Donnell is doing video stuff on her blog now and that's what a lot of people are doing now. Artie said that a lot of people are doing bits and stuff and throwing them up on YouTube and becoming stars.
Howard said that he and Beth went out to the movies on a Wednesday afternoon and the theater was packed. He said that the theater was packed and you'd think that on a sunny day everyone would be out at the beach or something.
Howard and Robin talked about the old days when not too many people had air conditioning. That led to Artie talking about how his mom would take them to the A&P store when they'd go down to the shore so they could hang out in the air conditioning for a few hours. He said they'd stay there for up to four hours at a time.
Howard read a news story about a French guy who was pouring itching powder in kids pants so they'd have to pull down their pants to scratch. The guy would then take pictures of them.
Howard said he had another animal rescue thing go on. He said that this time it was a goose that was having problems. He and Beth had to shoo it off the road and the thing was hissing at them when they did it.
Howard read a story about a karaoke place where a woman got up and punched some guy when he started singing a Coldplay song. The woman hated the band so much that she got up on stage and yelled at the guy for sucking so bad. She pushed and punched the guy to get him to stop singing.
Howard had Fred dig out the song so he could hear what it was that the woman was freaking out over. Fred played the song and Howard said it's actually a good song. While Fred was playing that he played some fighting sound effects to go along with the story. Howard said he likes the song but Artie said ''Ho-mo!'' to him when he heard that. He said he wasn't going to punch him in the face or anything.
Howard said he's not a huge Coldplay fan but they do have some really good songs. He said that it reminds him of that Ann Murray song that Artie sings. Fred said he likes Artie's song better, he thinks that Coldplay is a ''wimpy U2.'' They played the Artie song and Howard said that it seems like Artie can actually sing. Robin said that's not the case but he does sell it. Artie said that the key to singing is breathing and he's not sure how singers do it.
Howard said that he saw that the doctor who gave Anna Nicole Smith her implants wants to release a video of her last surgery. It's been blocked by Howard K. Stern though. He said that it's weird that people care about her now that she's dead. No one seemed to care when she was alive.
Howard said that there's a new porn movie coming out called ''Long Dong Black Kong'' and there are some people upset that they're referring to black guys as ''black kong.'' Howard read an article about the whole thing and said that they movie company is saying that it's just a parody, the name is totally innocent. The guys talked about that and how a lot of the black on white porn movies are promoted as being ''wrong'' or ''taboo.'' Howard played some audio from one porn movie where the woman is saying the N-word as a black guy is banging her.
Sal had to come in to look at something on Howard's computer and told him that he'll be looking at another movie today called ''Big Black Beef Stretches Little Pink Meat.''
Howard read that there's this new weapon out that can make people vomit. It's a flashlight that changes wavelengths and can make people puke. He figures that Bubba will get a hold of one and use it on his show.
Howard said that someone suggested that he take over for Larry King who he thinks it might be time to hang it up. Howard wanted to thank that reporter, from the Rocky Mountain News, but he wasn't able to find his name. Howard said that maybe when he retires he'd do something like that.
Howard listened to another racist porn clip that the guys put up for him. The woman was using the N-word in that clip of course. Howard said it sounds like those guys are ripping her apart and he doesn't like that. One of the guys said that her pussy was talking or something so the guys wondered what that meant. Howard also said that no white guy could ever make that chick feel the way she does in that clip. She was moaning and screaming like crazy. Fred played some Jackie audio clips since she sounded a little bit like him yelling. Howard said he's never had to calm chicks down when he's having sex.
Richard said that he's not sure what he'd do but he wasn't going to suck Sal's cock. Richard said that he'd stick his toe in Sal's ass. Howard told him that he has to take Sal's toe but then just gave up and gave Richard the underwear.
Sal came running in and said that he was willing to give Richard a skid mark from his forehead to his chin. The guys suggested he just paint Richard's face with his cock instead. Sal said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. Sal said that he would like to get some money so Howard asked Gary if they had any to give him. He said that they did have $500 courtesy of BeeCeuticals.
Howard told the guys to do this quickly. Sal came in with his ''paintbrush'' and some paint. Fred was laughing when he came in. Sal had some shit brown paint to use on his face. He said he was going to give him some stripes first and started to paint. Richard was getting a few pair of underwear for this while Sal was getting $500.
Sal did some painting and told Richard ''get down there faggot'' as he was doing it. Howard asked Sal to describe it as he was doing it. Robin said it looked like Sal was getting excited. Sal was just laughing and saying it felt fantastic.
Sal ended up hitting Richard in his mouth so the guys all went nuts. Artie said that it's now official, Sal's cock went in Richard's mouth. Richard had blue paint all over his teeth according to Sal. Will said that Richard looked like an Indian... ''Chief Big Fag.'' Richard said that it didn't go inside his mouth, it just hit his teeth.
The Howard TV guys replayed the clip where Sal's cock went in there and got a lot of laughs from the guys. Richard said that he's not the gay one, Sal is. Sal was the one who stuck his dick in his mouth. Howard TV replayed the clip again and got the guys laughing again.
Howard took some calls and one guy said that those guys are gay and they'd do that stuff for free if they asked them to. Another guy asked Richard to smudge his face on a piece of paper so he can frame it and hang it on his wall. Another caller said that this is rough to hear first thing on a Monday morning. Howard said that they've been up for hours so this isn't ''first thing'' for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he messed with OJ the other day. He called into a show and asked OJ what he thinks of Howard Stern. OJ said that he used to be on the board at Infinity years ago and talked about how he used to see him once in a while. Howard said that they kicked him off the board of Infinity after he killed two people.
Howard let Richard and Sal go after that. Richard was trying to talk but Howard said it was tough to talk to him when he had cock paint all over his face. The Howard TV guys showed the clip again and paused it where Sal's cock is resting on his lip. Sal was laughing his ass off at the video. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that he has to find out more details about it because it sounds too simplistic. He took a call from Wheels who told him about a porn movie called ''Gorillas in the Moist'' that was out in like 1994. It was another one of those racist porn movies. Howard asked him to have his cousin send him a copy if he has it.
Another caller said that the show is great on satellite, he hadn't been able to listen to them for years and now he can hear them again. Howard said that they're having fun there but wondered why the guy waited so long to get a subscription. He said that he's kind of on a tight budget and it took a while to get it. Howard said he was over at a Radio Shack recently and asked how the radios were selling. The guy told him that they're still selling well.
Robin said that she might be willing to get back into acting if the right role comes around. She also did an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Gary's kids see her on that once in a while in reruns.
Artie asked Howard who he would cast to play the parts of Robin and Fred if he had to do a movie without them. Howard said that Fred wasn't going to play himself and he thought about casting Marcel Marseau to play the part. Howard said that Gary Oldman looks a lot like Fred so he could have been cast.
Howard said that Fred actually quit the show and the movie shortly before filming so it could have turned into a disaster if he had done that. Fred said that he had quit the show over the Rainbow Room stuff that was going on back then. Howard thought he'd left over him going through his bag of tricks but Fred said it wasn't that. Howard said that he was brutal toward Fred back then and he really shouldn't have been.
Howard said that it wasn't a big deal and Fred ended up leaving the show. Fred said that it was a big deal at the time. He sounded like he was getting all worked up again today but he wasn't going to walk off the show. Fred said he was under a lot of stress back then and that's why he had to walk away. Fred said he asked Howard to stop talking about that stuff but he refused to stop. He had to do it on the air because Howard doesn't talk about that stuff off the air.
Gary said he apologized to Fred recently for replaying that stuff at K-Rock. He didn't know how bad it was for him. Howard said that Fred survived it and he's doing just fine today.
The guys brought up Brent's (From Bubba's show) kickboxing fight from last week and said that he lost the match within 38 seconds. Howard read that he was knocked out within 16 seconds. Will came in and said that he saw the match and it was a quick knock out. He said he didn't pass out but he was wearing head gear and still got knocked out.
Howard had some Fred Rainbow Room clips to play but Fred threatened to walk out if he played them. Howard read that Fred had asked the Howard TV guys to never air that episode again. Fred said that's not quite true. He claims that they asked him if it was okay and he asked them to not play it. Howard told him he really has to get over that stuff. It's history now and he doesn't need to get upset about it. Artie said that his original question was who would play Robin in the movie. Howard said he might get someone like Robin Givens since everyone calls Robin ''Robin Givens'' already.
The Howard TV guys showed Brent getting knocked out. The clip was only 39 seconds long. Howard said the guy who beat Brent was about twice his size and it looked very unfair. Howard said Brent was bleeding and couldn't even get up after the knock down. Howard said in a street fight that's the kind of guy you'd have to fight.
Howard hung up on that woman and took another call. The guy said that he was watching a show where they were talking about Imus possibly returning to radio by January. Howard said he was reading an article about him and he looked awful in it. He went on to say that the station he was fired from has the exact same rating he had when he was there. That shows that nothing happened when he was fired.
The caller said that Mel Karmazin said that he would consider hiring the guy. Howard said that Imus couldn't bring in free listeners, how would he bring in paying subscribers. Howard said that they'd pay him under $100,000 to do that. He said the question should be ''What would Imus pay them'' to put him on. Howard said that Imus doesn't get an audience, no one cares if he comes back.
Howard said that Imus was making $10 million at Viacom and he finds that to be shocking. He said the guy wasn't bringing in any audience but he was still making that kind of money. He's not sure why he was being paid that kind of money either. He figured it was all smoke and mirrors and they were just fooling the advertisers over there making them think that they had some kind of rich audience listening to his show.
Howard said that he thinks that the wife is upset with him because he put out this book and now he doesn't have a radio show to promote it on.
The caller Howard had on the line said that Star Jones could play Robin in a movie. Howard said that was an insult to Robin and hung up on that guy. He took another call but asked Gary to remind him to write that blurb for Leslie West that he was supposed to write.
Howard said that Richard was upset because someone had already stolen his Simpsons underwear that he had just won for doing that dick thing. Richard came in and said that someone is just hiding them and he's annoyed by that. He said he's not going to go looking for them, he knows someone is just jerking him around.
Howard told Iris he hopes she's okay. She said that she has a blister on her eye so that made everyone cringe. She said that it could be the medication so she's stopped taking it all. Richard said that he got chiggers when he was out in Oklahoma. Blue Iris told a lame joke before Howard hung up on her. The joke made no sense at all but no one wanted to try and figure it out.
Artie asked Howard which of these three people he would put up at his apartment if he had to: High Pitch Eric, Big Foot or Beetlejuice. Howard said he's not sure about that. He might go with Beetlejuice. Robin went for Beetlejuice immediately.
Steve said that they have some coverage of Artie shooting a commercial for Comedy Central because they're airing his movie on the channel. Artie said that he's going to be hosting a whole night of comedy on Comedy Central and he's doing these bits for them. He said that the bits they wrote for him weren't all that great so he wrote some new stuff. He said that they really didn't want to let him make racial jokes in his bits though.
Howard let Steve go and had Jon Hein do his Wrap Up show preview. Jon mentioned the stuff they'd be covering today on the show including Sal and Richard's gay stunt which led to Howard showing Jon the video clip. Jon mentioned that they'll be discussing Ronnie's block party today. They'll also talk about Fred's earlier discussion about walking off the show years ago.
Howard wondered where Fred was going to go when he walked off the show. Fred said he went home but Howard meant what kind of job he was going to get if he had walked off. Fred said he wasn't sure, he was just upset and walked off.
Howard took a call from a guy who had an update on the guy who got fired after dating Akira. The guy said that the guy started talking shit about Bubba's show after Akria didn't do anything with him and the news heard about that and the guy eventually got fired. Howard got another report that said he resigned from his job so he wasn't sure what went on there. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Robin went through a few other sports stories since they had missed out on a few things while they were on vacation. She also had a story about Britney Spears' ex Kevin Federline trying to get custody of their kids. She read some news about the trapped miners out in Utah.
Howard had a tape of Dick Cheny from back in 1994 when they first fought Iraq. In the clip Cheny talks about how hard it would have been if they had invaded Iraq. He said that if they had gone in, we would have been there all alone. It would have turned into a quagmire if we had gone on and taken Saddam out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Chuck Zito was upset that he wasn't informed that his show wasn't going to be on last week until he was on his way in. Howard said he doesn't think that Chuck has been fired, they just put on John the Stutterer's show instead. Gary said he heard from Tim that Chuck was kind of bummed out about it but they're working things out. They just postponed his show.
Howard said he feels bad for Tim because Chuck has been known to beat the crap out of people for dissing him like that. Gary said that Jason told him that Chuck had uttered those words that Tim had ''disrespected him.'' AJ Benza actually went right up to Chuck one time and took his beating after he heard that Chuck was upset with him. No one wanted to say anything bad about Chuck this morning so they were apologizing left and right if they thought that they had made any comments that might upset him.
Robin got back to her news, did a couple more stories and ended her news. Artie mentioned that tickets are available from NYComedyFestival.com for his appearance at Towne Hall this year. He said that you need an American Express card to get tickets though. Howard wrapped up the show at around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about how they are back live even though some people think that they're still off. He said that they do take some time off during the summer and people get upset with that. There are a lot of people who do that like teachers according to Artie.
Howard said they're having the discussion about taking off Rosh Hashana or not. Howard is thinking that they might work but Robin wants to take it off. Howard said that his parents used to get sickened by people who worked on that holiday. He said that he's looking for any day he can take off though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he called in one other time and asked what he would do if he had another woman in bed with Beth. Howard said he thinks he'd get jealous. He still thinks that he'd be that way.
Howard changed subjects and said he had an appointment yesterday and he had about 15 minutes free with Beth in the car. He saw Lou Dobbs outside of the CNN building while he was waiting. He thought it was kind of cool to see him out there. He told Beth about him and noticed that he was smoking a cigarette which changed his opinion of him. He said that always happens when he sees someone like that smoking.
Howard said Dobbs was talking to some guy and it seemed like he was waiting for people to recognize him. Artie said that's great that Howard was sitting there staring at him and he didn't even realize it. Artie pulled the microphone off the stand when he was on the subject so Howard told him to use a different one. Artie was holding it like he was doing stand-up though.
Howard said he watched Dobbs smoking cigarette after cigarette and smoking. He said within 15 minutes he went through 5 cigarettes in a row. He said that Dobbs and this other guy were talking and he figured that he was watching Dobbs killing himself. Beth said that they must not be able to smoke in the building like so many buildings in the city.
Howard was shocked at how many cigarettes that he smoked in that short period of time. He said Dobbs seems to like when people stop to say hi to him. He was actually sticking his hand out to shake people's hands. They were fascinated sitting there watching the guy. Artie said that's better than reality TV to sit there watching someone like that. That's the real reality.
Artie said that Dobbs must really be addicted to smoke that much. Artie smokes himself but he doesn't smoke that much. He went on to talk about how he's had his opinion changed about people when he's learned that they smoked. He brought up Hank Aaron and talked about how he saw him, when he was a kid, smoking a cigarette and that made him feel differently about the guy.
Howard said it was fascinating to see Dobbs smoking like that. He said he got out of his car a short time later and saw Dobbs watching him with a bunch of fans coming up to him. Artie said he wouldn't even know who Lou Dobbs was, he knows his name but not the face. Howard said he has another appointment today and he might be able to watch Dobbs again today.
Howard said that the second most popular movie was ''23'' which he didn't know too much about. The third was Premonition which Robin said she fell asleep watching. He read through a couple of others before the caller on the line asked about Beth and another chick again.
Howard said he's really not sure about the other chick thing. The caller had some scenarios for him and went through them with Howard. That made Howard decide that he couldn't handle another chick in bed with Beth. He said that he needs the constant attention and doesn't even like the time she spends with their dog. He said he needs to change that because it makes him too reliant on other people.
Howard said he knows that Beth needs time to do stuff on her own but he's really fucked up and can't handle it. The caller asked if Howard would break it off with Beth if he found out she was with someone else. Of course he would. The caller also asked Howard if he had to lose Robin or Beth, which one would he rather lose. Howard said he wasn't able to answer that one.
The guy asked Howard if he had to kill off Ralph or Ronnie, which one would it be. Howard thought about it for a short time and seemed to be going for Ronnie because he is good at setting up the driving stuff. He wasn't sure if he could replace Ralph. He said he knows that Ralph knows his sensibility. The rest of the guys were trying to help Howard choose and pointed him toward Ralph. Howard said he'd have to kill off Ralph.
Artie was trying to fix his microphone since it was still off the hanger. Scott the Engineer finally came in, 15 minutes later, to try and fix it. Scott messed with it while Fred played some time killing music.
The caller asked Howard if he would kill Ronnie or Dominic. Howard quickly picked Dominic. Then it was Benjy or Sal and Richard. Howard said he has a definite answer but he didn't want to say because he's heard that Benjy has cried when he's said mean shit. Benjy said he had his permission to say anything. Howard said he didn't want to say it because it'll hurt someone's feelings. Howard eventually admitted that he'd kill Benjy but then said he was joking with him. He went on to say that there are two with Sal and Richard and they really put out a lot of stuff.
Howard said that he thinks that Sal and Richard are really good even if they didn't do the gay shit. Artie said that the big question is ''Sal or Richard'' but Howard didn't seem to want to go there either. Howard went back and forth on that for a few seconds and said he didn't like the game. It was too tough because he likes all of these guys. Howard said he'd probably keep Richard over Sal though. Artie was saying that he really likes Sal at the roasts because he has no filter.
Howard was watching the Howard TV camera and seeing their reactions while that was going on. Artie said he's not sure that Sal writes all of his jokes in the roasts though. Howard said that Sal had stuck a magic marker in his ass and Richard kicked him. Then Sal, not thinking, sat down on the marker and impaled himself on it.
Howard said that Sal was putting his cock on Gary's face. He told the TV guys to shut the camera off so he could move on.
Another question was about Dana and if she's dating. Artie didn't know and he really doesn't want to know if she's dating. He said that would bum him out. Howard said that he and Dana actually e-mailed each other a couple of times. He said she's doing well from what he read. He said he may have e-mailed her after Beth mentioned that she was in touch with her.
The writer asked about Artie and Dr. Ablow. Artie said the time Dr. Ablow was in the studio was the last time he saw him.
Howard said the writer also asked about Gary's time off recently. Gary would only say that he's dealing with some issues with his mom. Some people thought he had gone into rehab but that's not true.
Howard said he's been doing all kinds of medical things lately getting check ups and stuff. He said that the eye doctor told him that he was in good shape and that was after his regular check up was positive as well. He said that his vision actually got better from what he was told. Artie said he never had a cavity or needed glasses in his life.
Howard said the last question in this e-mail was about Sal's marriage. He asked Sal if he wanted to come in and comment on that. Howard said that he told Beth about what Sal and Richard did yesterday and she said she could never be married to a guy like Sal.
Sal came in and said that his marriage is ''going alright.'' Howard said that didn't sound good but Sal said it's okay, it's not that bad. He said he's pretty sure that she's cut off the emotional friend completely. He said that they also stopped going to therapy. He said that they're getting along better without the therapy. He said that he doesn't need all of the yapping going on and now they don't talk too deep about things and they're better off. The guys didn't think that sounded right though.
Sal said that he has one problem but he's not sure he can talk about it. He said that something is affecting him personally. He said he's been having a tough time in the sack and can't get it up. He said his wife still isn't saying she wants to have sex, he's the one who has to initiate it and he has a hard time keeping it up. Howard said that maybe it's possible that he's gay. Sal said that's not the case though.
Sal has been married for 11 years so Artie told him that he's normal if he hates his wife after that much time. Sal said that he's all stressed out about what went on and now he's preoccupied with keeping the marriage going. Sal said that he's ready to blow his brains out at this point. He said that the emotional stuff is better but now the physical thing is fucked up.
Howard asked Sal when the last time was that he was able to perform with a full erection. He said it was last night and it took a lot of work and a lot of focus to make it happen. Robin started laughing her ass off because Gary had come in and hung a sign over Sal's head saying ''I'm a homo and I can't keep it up.''
Sal said it really was a lot of work to keep it going last night. Howard told him that he should think about the emotional friend and that might turn him on thinking that other guys want to fuck his wife. Sal said that his penis might be useless at home but now he can use it at work to do stuff like he did yesterday.
Howard asked Sal about why he's so free to show his cock now. In the past he wouldn't even show it, now he whips it out all the time. Sal said he's doing it for the show. Benjy said that he's been keeping his in his pants lately because he likes to take it out just for special occasions. Artie said that Benjy had that great moment when he started to jerk off next to Houston on the show one time. He also got naked at the Playboy Mansion one time.
Artie said he was invited to the Playboy Mansion for the Midsummer's Night Dream in September. Howard told him to go because it's even better than he could possibly imagine. Howard figured that Dana would call tonight and get back together with him right before that happens. Artie said that she should wait until September 23rd to call.
Sal asked Artie if the drug thing is what brought his relationship to an end with Dana. Artie said that of course it was. Howard asked Fred if he had a problem getting it up for his wife when they separated for a while. Fred said he had no problem getting it up at all.
Howard said he doesn't tell Riley what to talk about on his show. Riley said that's true but he also doesn't pay him. Artie said that he got a symbol from Riley and in the letter he asked for $38 from him for it. He said he sent it along to him.
Howard said there was a guy there at SIRIUS who got one of Riley's head bands and it cured her of arthritis. The guys spent some more time talking to Riley for a few more minutes and then Howard gave Riley a plug for his radio show but said the wrong day. His show actually airs on Tuesday nights at midnight on Howard 101.
Sal asked Riley if he would mind his son coming in to massage he and Richard. Riley said that he wouldn't mind that at all and then started talking about the size of his penis. He also said some stuff about Beth knowing how big it is so Howard said that if he did that to Riley, he'd freak out because he brought up his girlfriend's name.
Sal asked Riley if his wife tosses his salad. Riley said ''no, but your mother did.'' Then he let out one of his deep voiced laughs. Riley said that it's time to get some decency on the show. He then started going on and on with Robin telling her not to get caught up in Howard's bullshit. He said that Artie is a man of principal because he had sent in that $38. Riley said that Howard doesn't help anyone but Artie said that he helped him for sure. He wouldn't have been able to pay that $38 without Howard.
Howard let Riley go on and on complaining about the money thing as he does every time he calls in. Riley said that Howard pretends to be his friend when he really isn't. Robin asked Riley who his best friend is. Riley said it's his bird, who he hates.
Howard told Riley he was going to do him a favor and release him from his radio show. He said that he could be released from his contract and that way he wouldn't have to worry about doing his radio show anymore for too little money. Riley said that he could do that and then watch where the stock goes. Howard said it can't go any lower, so where's it going to go? Howard told Riley he can't give Riley a raise, he doesn't own the company. Riley seemed to be okay with being released from his contract but still went off on Howard for not getting him a raise.
Riley said that he has to speak to the people of the world and that's why he keeps the radio show. He never said he didn't want to work. Howard said he never said Riley was fired, he was just saying he wasn't forcing him to keep doing the show if he didn't want to. Howard had to kick Sal out of the studio because he made one too many comments about Riley's son.
Riley said that they're wasting his valuable time with this bullshit and he's tired of it. He said that Howard dissed him when he threw away the symbols he sent to him. Howard said he was really scared that he wasn't going to be able to get on the mothership without those symbols. Riley told Howard that he's going to end up in Auschwitz. Riley said that he would not send Howard another symbol either. He threw away the one and that was it for him. Howard wondered how he was going to get on the mothership. Riley seemed a little pissed off that he threw them out like that. Robin said she held on to hers and wondered when she'd be able to use it to get on that ship. Howard said she threw hers out too though.
Riley told Howard and the guys that he loves them but Howard said that's bullshit. He told Riley he had to get going and gave him a plug for his radio show. Riley told him to take care and Robin said it sounds like he's going to be in rare form tonight on that show of his. Howard let him go and gave him some more plugs.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that if Artie goes to that Playboy party he's going to love it. She said that he has to wear pajamas and he's going to see women wearing just about nothing. Artie said he's going no matter what. He's going to have to knit two pair of pajamas together to fit him though.
Artie talked about how great it's going to be out there and how easy it can be to get lost in that grotto. He told Teddy to go out and get him some giant pajamas. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's dating her fourth cousin and wondered if that's wrong. Howard asked how she's related to the guy. She wasn't able to answer fast enough so Howard told her it's fine. He said if it's a fourth cousin, it's probably fine. Howard tried to find out exactly how they were related but she just said it was her father's cousin's cousin. Howard said that can't be wrong. Howard told her to go fuck her brains out, it wasn't a problem. It's only a problem when it's first cousins.
Robin said that there are some parts of the country where families are all related somehow so it's not a big deal. Howard said that Artie is his sister or something. Artie also said that he's seen pictures of his family over in Italy and he's pretty sure there are some cousins sleeping together there.
Howard congratulated the news team for doing the hard hitting stories there. Lisa wanted to do a story about the couch in the green room yesterday. She said that Tim was the one who picked it out but it's really ugly. Howard said he'd take a look at it to see how bad it looks.
Lisa said that Howard is featured in a new Maxim magazine feature where they have hot women and the hideous men they love. Howard said that's really not fair and it's an idea they stole from Us magazine. He said he was going to authorize his web site guys to get pictures of the guys at Maxim and show their hideous wives. He said that they should put some decent content on their sucky channel there at SIRIUS. He said that doesn't help him get laid when Beth reads shit like that. He's got her hypnotized at this point and articles like that don't help.
Howard said he wanted to know who else was in that article in that piece of shit magazine. He made a few more comments about the channel there and how they should keep playing music on the channel. Benjy gave Howard some of the other names on the list and ran through them all. The names on the list weren't really that hideous. Howard said they might want to get some relevant people on the list.
Howard thanked Lisa for the news update and told her to go and publicize that story even more. Artie said they should fuck with the Maxim channel all morning. Howard said he could pull it up and listen. He said they probably don't have more than 3 people listening to that channel. He called them a bunch of ''cock sucking fucks'' and told them to get to work on that channel.
Howard said that Brian Phelan from Howard TV is a big fan of the channel. Brian came in and told Howard that he listens to Covino and Rich and Rob Cross is the Program Director over there. Howard asked what else they have on over there. He said he only listens to Covino and Rich so he's not sure what else is going on there. Howard said Brian must be the one listener they have there. Covino used to work at K-Rock so Howard should know him but he didn't. Robin knew who he was because he's a ''hot looking guy.''
Howard asked Gary if someone messed with his microphone because his compression was just about gone. He said he knows that someone messed with it and he's always right when he brings that up. Gary said that's true, it always turns out that someone messed with his stuff. Scott the Engineer came in and made some adjustments. Scott gave him a little compression but Howard also wanted more volume. Scott said they hadn't made any changes though. Howard said he thinks it's better but he's not sure. That led to Fred playing the Ben Stern ''Testing, testing... ONE TWO'' clip. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard moved on to the Van Halen press conference. He said it was really weird because Eddie Van Halen looks really weird. There's no more Michael Anthony in the band because Eddie's son Wolfgang is taking over for him. He said it's Eddie, Wolfgang, Alex and David Lee Roth. The guys all came out with their arms crossed, except for David who wouldn't stop talking.
Howard said he doesn't think that the tour will last. He said that David really tries to sell it though. He figures there's big money in a tour like that and even though Dave probably got paid in full for his radio gig, he might want that tour money.
Howard played some of David Lee Roth rambling on and on about the new band and how much rehearsal they've been doing since last October. He said that Wolfgang brings a young energy to the band and he really thinks it's going to be great. Howard said that Eddie really pushes that Wolfgang kid and it's almost like he doesn't want to offend the kid. Artie said that it's almost bad for the kid because they might be raising expectations.
Roth says that Wolfgang picked the play list which was kind of odd to the guys. Roth took some questions and rambled on and on when he was answering them. They were asked how it felt being back on stage together and everyone was loving each other.
Howard paused the audio and said it was really weird and it was like they were trying to sell way too hard. Artie said that all they have to do is say they're going out on tour and they'll sell tons of tickets. Artie said that he'd go see the band even without Michael Anthony.
Howard played more of the audio and Roth is talking about how the band isn't a reunion band, it's a new band playing their old hits. Howard said that the guys in the band don't look like they used to so it's going to be weird. Artie said he's going to see them and he likes that they're going to be playing their hits. Howard said he'd like to see them too. He saw them back when he was working out in Detroit and they were great. He said that was back when they were at the top of their game and everyone wanted to be like David Lee Roth. Now things are just weird.
Howard played more of the press conference and both David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen were acting kind of strange. David was really trying to sell the whole idea. Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about the band and wondered what Michael Anthony did to deserve this. They said that he sided with Sammy Hagar, that's what he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been a fan for a long time and this seems like it's going to be a disaster to him. He said it might turn into a cash grab if the band doesn't perform the way they expect them to. The caller said that Michael Anthony was the background vocals for the band and if he's not there, it's not going to be the same.
Another caller said that he thinks that this is going to be great. Gary told Howard that Richard was telling him that he's not sure he'll go to see the band without Michael Anthony. He said it's not going to be the same band without him. Richard came in and said that Michael Anthony really was a big part of those old songs signing backup.
Howard wondered if Wolfgang is really that great of a bass player. They may not know until they see him performing live. Howard took another call and the guy said that he saw Van Halen playing out in St. Louis when Sammy Hagar was in the band and they were great.
A caller told Howard he shouldn't be so upset about the Maxim magazine thing they were talking about earlier. Howard said he was done with that but he is sick of a bunch of ugly dudes getting together in a room and calling him ugly.
The guy on the phone said that he named his kid after Artie so Artie said that he should not circumcise the kid if he has any say in it. Howard went on to talk about how this circumcision thing came about, maybe because of health reasons, but it was also a religious thing and it can't be right.
Sal came in and said that his kids are circumsized because he was tortured as a little kid because he's uncircumcised. He said that there are health reasons too. He said when he was 14 or so, he wouldn't shower that often and he'd get a smell down there that was really nasty. Fred is uncircumcised and he's never had that problem because he kept it clean.
Howard asked Fred if he had any problems with getting a blow job or anything. Fred said it's like a retractable hood that comes back when you get hard so it's not a problem at all. Fred said that he's very sensitive when the penis is retracted and he wonders how a regular one is when it's not protected.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a problem with his uncircumcised penis when he tried sticking it in too fast one time. Sal said that he had the problem that this guy had an it ripped the skin on his penis and snapped this part of the penis that's connected to the foreskin.
Fred said that there can be some tearing once in a while. Gary came in and said that it's never been an issue for him getting his kids circumsized. He said it's really weird to see Sal's uncircumcised penis so he's glad that he had his kids done.
Fred once ripped his foreskin open and that was a problem but for the most part, he doesn't have any problems. Gary said they knew a guy at K-Rock who had to have a circumcision when he was in his 40s. He'd hate to deal with something like that at that age.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her husband is uncircumcised and he thinks that sex is much better because it's more sensitive than a circumsized guy. A guy called in and said that he's got a brother who is 28 years old and had to have a circumcision and he knows that it was better with the foreskin. The guy had to have it removed though so he didn't have a choice.
One guy said that he's glad he was circumsized because he can't last that long as it is. If it was more sensitive, he wouldn't be able to last at all.
Howard said that Beth's period was late and he got worried. He said that he really doesn't want kids so he's going to be wearing a condom and pulling out to make sure that doesn't happen. He said he lucked out when she tested negative. Richard said he likes to pull his condom off and shoot his load all over the place. Howard doesn't do that, he doesn't like to make a mess like that.
Robin said she actually likes that feeling of a guy blowing a load on her. She said that was back in the days when you didn't have to worry about diseases. Howard got a note from the guys saying that Sal was playing with himself out in his office. Gary said it was worse than that, he was out touching all of the sandwiches with his dirty hands.
Sal came in and said that he always washes his hands and didn't do what they were accusing him of. Sal said that he wasn't touching all of the sandwiches. The guys had tape of him touching all of the sandwiches though. The food looked really good but Artie said he couldn't have one now that Sal's dick has been on them. They had some real steak sandwiches that looked really good.
Artie said he can't eat them now that he's heard about Sal touching them. He said that he gets scheeved by that stuff and there's a story that Richard tells him that makes him so sick that he can't eat for two days. Richard said that's a story about eating at Dan the Song Parody Man's place and having one of his long hairs in his meatloaf. He said it took like a minute to pull the hair out because it was so long. Artie let out an ''Ohhhhh!'' when he heard the story again.
A woman called in and said that she thinks that a guy who is uncircumcised is gross because it's always cheesy and gross. Fred said it might just be the guys she's with. She claims it isn't but Fred said that her area might not be all that great down there either.
Howard asked Fred if his wife was shocked when she saw what he had down there. He said that she didn't have a problem with it and didn't even bring it up the first night they did it. He said that they actually went at it that first night they went out and it didn't even come up for a few days after.
A caller said that he was recently circumsized and he can only go once or twice a day now when he used to be able to go like 7 times a day. He said that it's completely changed since he lost the foreskin. He said he did it as a cosmetic thing and now he's not so thrilled about it. He said he was tormented as a kid and used to make sure he was covered up when a girl would stay over.
Jessica Hahn called in with some advice about giving blow jobs when a guy isn't circumsized. She said that she licks it as if it was an ice cream cone. She said that it doesn't turn her off at all and there's even more to do with it. Fred said that she's an expert and he respects her opinion on the whole thing.
Howard said that Jessica is a woman who really likes to please a man. He said he likes that and asked her some questions about doing it. She was giving details about doing it doggy style and how she reaches back and sticks her hand between her legs while the guy is doing her. Howard called her the James Brown of Bed because she's the hardest working woman in bed. He said she does it all, really.
Robin asked if she's orgasmic and if she makes noise. Jessica said she moans a lot and loves doing that. Howard asked her what that sounds like. She didn't make those noises but said she is pretty vocal. She doesn't make her man cuddle with her either, she'd rather curl up and go to sleep. Howard seemed to like hearing that.
Howard asked Artie why he didn't get a blow job from Jessica. Artie said he's never met the woman. Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that Artie go to Los Angeles now and let Jessica blow him. Artie said he can't just go out there like that. Jessica didn't show up in Vegas when he invited her out there. Artie said that if she shows up to the Playboy mansion, maybe they can do something there. Jessica said they shouldn't say that on the air but maybe something will happen. Artie said he'd love for her to jerk him off. Howard said that she can jerk a guy off with her feet.
Fred asked Jessica if she's ever given a blumpkin. She didn't know what it was so Artie told her that it's when a woman blows a guy while he's taking a shit. She said she's never done that and she wouldn't want to. The guy on the phone was the same guy who went to the Playboy mansion with him last year. He wanted to go with Artie again this year but Artie has some closer friends who he has to invite first. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later but ended up talking about Artie's eating for a minute. Artie wasn't sure if he could eat one of those sandwiches that Sal had touched or not.
Ronnie said that JD started it yesterday on the Wrap Up Show with the glasses thing. Ronnie thought that Howard was thinking he was like Sal now or something. Ronnie said he didn't even think of looking at Howard's glasses when he got his. Artie came in and said that they were exactly the same. He said they look very much the same but Ronnie said he wasn't going for the same look or anything.
Howard said that his are very much alike and he even has dark arms on his like Ronnie does. Ronnie goofed on JD saying that he has $10 Walgreen's glasses and he's giving him a hard time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is a scumbag and a loser and went off on him for a short time. The guy was also calling him a child molester. Howard hung up on him and got back to goofing on Ronnie about buying the same glasses. Howard said that the guys were saying that Ronnie gets really upset when they bring up the glasses.
JD came in and said that he told Richard to ask Ronnie about his glasses yesterday and Ronnie got all freaked out. JD said that they are very similar looking but he's not sure if he was copying him or not. He said he has no idea what goes on inside Ronnie's head. Ronnie said at least he has something going on inside his head. He goofed on JD making fun of the way he stumbles over his words.
Howard said that Ronnie looks like Sal's dad so they're going to put up pictures of them up on his web site. Howard told Ronnie to look forward so they could get a good shot of him. They compared the two of them and they apparently looked very similar. Ronnie offered to take JD to Walgreen's to get him a new pair of glasses. This time he'd spend $25 on them. JD mumbled ''Okay'' and Howard kicked them out of the studio.
Eve said that the people at her club were miserable pieces of shit and she had to get out of there. She didn't want to mention the name of the club. She said that she didn't like dancing on the pole on stage so she'd do lap dances and stuff. She'd wear just a g-string and she could do full contact there. She was going to demonstrate on Will and he was afraid she was really going to grab him. Howard told him that she only does that when she's getting paid.
Howard said he wouldn't mind getting a lap dance from her himself. She said that she used to give private dances and guys would actually come before she even started dancing. She said that the weirdos are the ones who usually do that.
Howard said that they put some pictures of her up on HowardStern.com. She said she keeps a little hair down below because when she's shaved completely, she looks like she has a torso that's too long.
Howard asked Eve about her queefing talents. She learned when she was in 7th grade from a friend of hers. She didn't think much about it for years. She said that she told her friends about how she was going to get on the show somehow and this is how she got on. She said she finds it kind of disgusting herself but she was going to do it anyway.
Howard told Eve to take her clothes off and do her thing. She refused to remove her fishnet stockings because her legs were such a mess. Howard heard that she could squirt things out of her vagina too so she explained how she found out that she can squirt water. She did a regular queef (a fart sound from her private parts) and blasted away for a short time. She admitted that it was gross. Howard told her that her panties were muffling the sound so he asked her to remove them. She took the panties off and Will suggested that her top was muffling the queefs too. She couldn't take her top off for some reason so Artie told her that the only thing they want muffled is her voice.
Artie said that this chick got even better looking with her clothes off. Howard had her get in position and do some more queefs. She blasted out a juicy one and sounded like she was disgusted with herself. She said she thinks that it is kind of funny but gross at the same time. Howard had her blast out a few more for them.
Howard asked her what she could do to impress them. She said that she could squirt some water for them. Howard said she was doing all of this and she didn't even want a plug for anything. Eve got into a baby pool and sucked some water in. You could hear the bubbles in the pool, then she got out and shot the water across the studio. She went in for a second round and shot out a blast of water again.
Artie offered Richard $500 to come in and drink that water like it was a water fountain. Eve said she has a guy in the green room that would do it if Richard didn't want to. Richard came in and said that he didn't want to do it. Artie told Richard he's a wicked fag for not doing that but doing the gay stuff with Sal.
Howard said that Eve is going to do another stunt where she's going to blow out candles with her vagina. Artie said that it's mornings like this that make the terrorists hate us. Howard asked Eve what she weighs. She said she's 5'6'' tall and weighs about 105 right now. The candle was lit but Eve kept talking and saying that she needed to dry off before doing it because she might drown it out. She let out a queef that was really wet sounding and actually blew out the candle. Howard told her she was a doll and a sweetheart. Artie told her to come up every morning.
Howard told Eve she really should be working at Scores. He said that she could come up and give everyone a BJ before she leaves. Howard asked her if she ever wears that outfit when she's with her boyfriend. She said that she does that sometimes. He asked her if she bends over in those heels and lets her guy bang her. She had a bit of a Boston accent so Artie pointed that out and goofed on the accent a little bit.
Howard had the guys bring in Eve's boyfriend. He said he was a good looking dude. The guy works for a cable company and said that he wants to be with her for the rest of his life. Both of them said that they don't want kids. Eve has a bunch of cats but doesn't want any kids of her own. Eve said that she's basically been with this guy since she was 16 so they've been dating for 10 years now. She said she lost her virginity to another guy though.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that he met this chick at a comedy show. He said that Beetlejuice ate blue cheese dressing out of her ass. Eve said it was actually blueberry yogurt. She said that Bob Levy is the guy who got her on the show and explained how she got to be friends with him on Myspace and then went to one of his shows and had this blueberry yogurt thing done. She said that Beetlejuice had a tooth that stuck out and stabbed her when they ''flew'' him into her ass to lick that yogurt out. Artie wondered how many friend requests Bob Levy turns down. They figured it was none.
Richie from Howard TV came in and asked if they could have Eve give JD, the geeky guy, a lap dance. Howard had Fred play some Nine Inch Nails for her to dance too. JD said that it was very nice and started stumbling over his words. Artie told him ''Fuck her Poindexter!'' JD was enjoying the dance and Howard thought he was getting a boner. Artie was still goofing on Eve's Boston accent and using the word ''Wicked'' quite a bit.
JD had a wet spot on him but he claimed that it was the water on Eve that dripped on him. He said he didn't piss himself or blow a load. JD said the dance was really good though. He was bummed out that she got him all wet though. Howard was going to wrap up but Gary asked if he wanted to have her ride the Sybian. Eve was up for it so Howard had her get on.
Gary came in and set up the Sybian for her. They got out a fresh, clean attachment and set her up on the machine. Gary was wearing his leather wrestling mask that was kind of freaking out Eve. She said it was kind of scary. They started up the Sybian and Eve said it sounded like a motorcycle. She had Gary turn down the speed a little bit and she was feeling something but not getting into it that much. She said that they'd probably be there until 11:30 if she had to get off on it. She gave up a short time later.
Eve told a story about how she lost $10,000 in cash from her apartment and she thinks that it was an inside job. Her boyfriend said he knows who it was but didn't give the guy's name. He did give out some initials but he said he was just joking about that. Eve said it wasn't that person and it was no one affiliated with that person. Howard wrapped up with them and went to break a short time after that.
Howard said that Mary McCormack sent him a copy of her new movie and it was really good. He said it was a low budget film but it was very well done. She plays the lead in the film. He didn't want to give away too many details though.
Howard talked about Eve the Queefer a little bit. He said he really thought she was good looking and fun. He said that he was supposed to have Underdog Woman call in to talk about the Underdog movie that came out recently. She's so freaked out that she didn't call in this morning. He said that she's afraid of calling in because she's afraid that he's going to ask her about sex.
Gary came in and said that Suzanne called in and talked to him about the movie and how upset she was about it. He told her to talk to Howard about it but she was very afraid of him. Gary said he wanted to get her a screening of the movie but the movie company wouldn't do it.
Artie did an impression of Suzanne and said that it was going to be just like that if she had called in. He whispered ''Stern... They're after me.'' and stuff like that. Howard said that he could have had a real conversation with her about the whole thing and it would have been good. He said that she complains about them using a real dog in the movie but she portrays Underdog as a human.
Gary said that he actually helped Covino get his job there but he wasn't the one making the comments about Howard. Howard was still upset about the whole thing though. Robin cracked a joke about Howard so he went off on her a little bit about that. That led to Fred playing a new song from Richard where he sings ''Nubian Queen.'' There was a new one about Artie as well so Howard played that.
Steve said that there has been some controversy on the Superfan Roundtable between Joey and Mutt. They've actually cut Joey back to every other week because he's been trying to take over the show so much. They'll have that and a story about High Pitch Eric looking for a new place to live. They're also going to be talking about The Iron Sheik going on tour with Bob Levy and the other guys. Howard said that maybe the Iron Sheik being on the show was a good thing for him because he appeared at a WWE event the other day. He played a clip of that and then Steve wrapped up his news preview.
Jon Hein gave his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking about Eve the Queefer and many other things that happened on the show today.
Howard had Blue Iris on the phone to talk about her nasty blisters. Blue said they told her to stop taking all of her medication. Artie goofed on her because if she stops her meds she might go back to having her psychotic problems. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said that if Lou Dobbs is listening, he'd like him to cut back on the cigarettes. He said he's watching him out there.
Howard was talking about bringing back The Losers to perform some other classic song. They talked about a rehearsal the did for a song one time and how long it lasted when they were rehearsing. Artie said they were there until 6pm one night and he just wanted to go home.
Howard said he'd be willing to open up for Van Halen if they wanted. He and The Losers could perform like 3 songs. Robin said she loves that the band was named after Scott the Engineer and he ended up getting kicked out of the band. Artie said that they could have Richard playing drums in the band and they could have quite a band. Howard said that it would be an all star band. Howard has that guitar that Leslie West gave him and he could play that. The guys talked about how Scott the Engineer got taken off drums to play cow bell but Scott refused to play it.
Howard had Fred playing a bunch of the songs that The Losers performed. Scott the Engineer said that he refused to play that Cow Bell. Fred played ''Bang a Gong'' and Howard tried to hear the cow bell but it was so low that no one could hear it. Howard said he's tried to come up with a hit song but the audience just won't go for it. He had Robin get to her news after that discussion. She read through a bunch of stories and ended up getting Howard on the subject of Amy Winehouse's ''Rehab'' song. Howard said he liked the song and played it for Artie who had never heard it. Artie liked it as well. Howard said she's not all that hot but she has a look that's pretty good.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she could queef better than the chick who was on earlier. The woman blasted one and it was pretty impressive. She also claims that she can blast water at least a foot in the air. She demonstrated the longest queef she could do and it lasted a few seconds.
The woman said that she's been paid to do this at parties and stuff too. Howard said that he had a fart in the chamber so he blasted that out and then had the woman queef for him. She did that real quick and then Howard caught a whiff of his own fart. He said it was pretty bad too. He put the woman on the phone on hold so they could have her come in to queef for them.
Robin read through a few more stories and broke the news to Artie that Phil Rizutto had passed away. Artie took a guess at his age and was off by just 3 years. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later, around 10:50am.
Howard started off the show talking about Riley Martin's show. He said it sounded like Riley was hopped up on something last night. He wasn't sure what it might be but figured it could have been alcohol. He said he sounded a little more normal by the end of the show.
Howard played some audio from the start of the show where Riley did sound like he could have been on something. He had missed doing someone else's internet radio show so he explained what happened there. He went on to explain how he had been thinking about some Niptonian space ship that had landed. Howard said that Fred should sit in on that show just one time to help them out with sound effects. Howard said that Riley will admit to having a beer or two during his show.
Howard played a new Riley song parody from Dan the Song Parody Man. He went on to talk about how Riley was shot out of a cannon on his show last night. He played another example of that where Riley was giving some shout outs to people and having fun with some of the words. In another clip he was giving a little prayer and throwing in some goofy lines in that.
Howard played another clip where Riley was talking about going back in time and how he was advised that he couldn't do it because the world would change in drastic ways. He said he wanted to go back in time and take out Hitler but if he had, he would change things in negative ways. The guys talked about how Riley knew this gun that he mentioned during the Hitler discussion and how he does know some of that stuff even though it sounds like he's making it up.
Bong Hit Bill called in and said that Riley was definitely bent last night. He said he called Riley and asked him to sing a song for him last night. Howard said that people always bring up his, Robin and Artie's name during his show and Riley gets all worked up about him throwing out his symbols. Howard played a clip from that part of the show where Riley told the caller that Artie had purchased a symbol from him. The caller said that he couldn't believe that Riley had given him one so Riley corrected him and said that he did pay for it. Riley was also going off on Howard about claiming that he's trying to get him a raise.
Gary told Howard that one of the producers of that show last night told him that Riley almost didn't do that show last night. He could barely open his eyes but they were told that he had been drinking and he was exhausted. Riley was calling it a ''dream state'' according to Robin. Gary said they had a young 20-something year old girl hanging out there last night but no one ever explained that.
One caller asked Howard why Riley doesn't go back in time and win a lottery or something. Robin said that he's also been given a lot of information about various technologies that he could take advantage of. Howard replayed the clip of Riley opening his show and sounding completely out of it. Robin said they have to isolate that and keep it to play once in a while.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a Chinese woman and played clips of Riley saying his infamous ''O-Qua Tangin Wann'' and ''Quai unza la ji wan'' lines. The woman says she doesn't understand and hangs up on him. They called some other people with those clips and got them all freaked out as well. Howard played the new song parody from Dan the Song Parody Man again after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to know why Gary was off a couple of weeks back. Howard said Gary had some personal things going on with his mom, he's not off buying an expensive house like the caller thought.
A caller asked why the Iron Sheik show didn't show up on Howard TV. The caller said that the cable company told him that it was revoked. One of the Howard TV guys, Gregg, came in and told Howard that the show is definitely up but they can't control how fast the cable companies put them up. The caller said it was Cox cable that didn't have it up as of this morning. The caller said that they told him to call the On Demand guys because they had revoked the show because of content.
Howard tried to explain how the service works. He said that the Howard TV guys send the shows to the cable companies and most of them get the shows up quickly while some of them take their time and don't put it up. Gregg said that they send the shows every day and the cable companies might have a guy who has to update it and they take their time sometimes.
Howard read an article about Imus' settlement with CBS and how he might be getting a job at WABC in New York. Howard and Robin talked about that for a couple of minutes and goofed on Imus' cowboy clothes. Howard said that someone from CBS was saying that they didn't give Imus $20 million but they may have given him at least $10 million which is way too much for the guy. Howard wondered why ABC would hire the guy because they have a radio show that does better than Imus ever did at CBS.
Howard said Imus' racist comments just proved what he had been saying for years about the guy. He said that Boomer Esiason was hired to replace Imus over at WFAN where Imus was fired from. Artie came up with some names of teams that Imus could work with. He said that it could be Imus and Anthony, Opie and Imus, Imus and the Bean, Kidd Imus and a few others.
Howard said he can't imagine ABC investing in Imus. They might get some initial interest from all of this press but it should quickly vanish.
Howard said that there was a picture of Britney Spears making out with some guy while she was topless in a pool. He said she really is nutty. He got back to Imus quickly and wondered if he's going to behave himself if he gets back on the air. He said that people will probably call in and ask him about NBA teams and what he thinks about the WNBA. Howard read through some more of the article about Imus and how the settlement says that he can't disparage CBS and they're barred from doing the same with him.
Howard said Imus also has a lawsuit being filed against him by one of the Rutgers students who was on the team at the time he made his ''nappy headed hos'' remarks. He read through that article as well.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that Kelly Ripa mentioned Howard's name yesterday when they were giving away SIRIUS radios. Melrose also mentioned that they're having Kathie Lee back on the show as a guest. Howard said he heard that she had been banned from the show but the producer of the show is saying that's not true.
Melrose said that he didn't want Howard to forget that Phil Rizzuto had passed away. Howard spent a short time talking about him. Artie said that he wasn't that great of a broadcaster but he was very entertaining to listen to.
Howard said he read a story about Phil being presented with a bunch of gifts one time and one of them was a cow because he was known for the ''Holy Cow'' comments. The cow actually head butted him and knocked him on his ass. He read that Phil thought it was kind of funny though. Artie had a bunch of stories about Phil and the funny things he had done over the years during broadcasts.
Gary came in and told some stories about Phil as well. He and Artie shared a bunch of stories. Melrose mentioned that he's celebrating 15 years calling into Howard's show as of today. Howard congratulated him on that and then said that it's Laura Lakner's birthday today so he wished her a happy birthday. He said that she hates the term ''assistant'' but she does work for him.
Howard said he got a very big offer for The Losers to open for the Edgar Winter band on September 14th. Howard said that might be a good warm up gig for them before opening for Van Halen. Howard wasn't even sure where they'd be playing and then wondered why Edgar isn't opening for him.
Howard said that he'd love to open for like 19,000 people in a stadium or something like that. The caller thinks that they could hold their own concert and bring in like 15,000 people. Howard wasn't sure they could pull that off. He wanted to open for Van Halen first and see how that goes.
Howard told Gary to contact Van Halen's management and ask them what they'd be willing to pay them to open. He had said that they would play for free but the guys told him that they could get paid to do that. Fred read through some of the cities they were playing in and Howard said that they could play some of those cities.
Howard then told Gary that the best way to handle the whole thing was tell Van Halen's management that The Losers aren't available. He said that you tell them that if they were thinking of hiring them, they're not available.
Gary said that Aerosmith is playing Jones Beach this summer too. Howard said he'd rather just do the Van Halen thing. He said that's going to be the big tour this year. He then played some clips from the Van Halen press conference where David Lee Roth was rambling on and on about the band getting back together.
The caller on the line said that he has a guy who claims that he could beat both Howard and Artie in a game of basketball. Howard said he might be able to because he's so bad at the game. Artie might still be able to play but he'd have a hard time running around at 300 pounds. The two of them wondered what they'd get out of it if they did play. The caller told them he'd have his buddy come down there if they wanted to talk it over with him. Howard put the guy on hold and said that he'd set him up.
Robin said that they tried hooking up Scott's clamp in her race car but she told them to get it out of there. Scott said it's not made for doing something like that, it's made for standing still while taking pictures or video of your golf swing.
Howard wondered why Scott was having his product made in China. Scott said it was all about saving money and had nothing to do with supporting Communism. Jason came in and said that he saw the other product and he has to support that because it's so much nicer than what Scott came up with. He told Howard that Scott's product is just clamp, that's it. He said he's been working on it for like 15 years and it's just a clamp.
Scott said that this other product is very different than his. He said that the other thing is a tripod you set up on the ground while his stays on the cart. Scott came up with the idea when he wanted to tape his swing. He said they actually use one of them in the studio.
Artie asked Jason why he's so anti-Scott. Scott said Jason is just trying to get him all worked up but it's not working today. Scott said that he was developing the product slowly but he's a Type A personality and he's always busy. Howard found that hard to believe and wanted to compare his day to Scott's to see who was the real Type A.
Scott said that he went home yesterday and worked on his son's club house. He said he also cooked dinner but Howard cut him off there and said that's all leisure stuff. Artie said he works harder than Scott but he's not even close to being a Type A personality. Howard said that Artie does a ton of work every weekend and he's so much more a Type A than Scott.
Scott took back the Type A thing and said that he's not one but he does work very hard. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he found that there's already a patent on the product that Scott has created. He read the patent information and was going to give him the patent information but Scott said he had looked into it already. He said that he consulted a patent attorney and he was told that the patent for a regular tripod wouldn't hold up in court. The guy on the phone, Mark the Patent Attorney, gave Scott the patent number, 6142437, and told him to look it up.
Benjy looked up the patent and said that it was done in 2000. Jason was saying that Scott had been working on this thing for 15 years and missed out on the patent. Howard checked out some pictures of the patented thing that the caller mentioned. Jason was still goofing on Scott about how he thinks that he's the hardest working guy there when he's really not.
Scott said that his product should cost about $50 and it's much cheaper than the $350 product that they were talking about earlier. Jason was asking Scott about what comes with the video caddy and if it came with a remote. Scott said you don't need a remote, you just hit record and walk over to the ball.
Will came in and said that the patent that Mark was talking about was exactly the same as what Scott was describing. Scott said that if that is true, he's going to have to sue the attorney who told him that his product is patentable. Scott said that he has 20 of these caddy's right now and that was just to get the company off the ground. He said that when they go into production, they're going to buy them from the company in China.
Artie wanted one of Scott's caddy's and said he'd give him $50 right then. He gave him $60 and told him to buy another shirt. He said he wants to see the caddy tomorrow. Scott said he could bring it in but it would be in a white box, nothing special. Artie said now he has to go out and buy a camera to mount to the caddy and also a golf cart. He said he actually just wanted to see the caddy in person.
Artie said that Scott has to be careful selling this thing to him because of that other patent. Mark the Patent Attorney said that he also wanted to help Artie get his web site name. Artie said he'd like to do that as well.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that now that Scott has sold one, he cold get into some legal trouble. He cracked a lame joke referring to the Caddyshack movie but no one got it.
Ralph called in and said that Scott obviously doesn't believe in his product, otherwise he would have had a bunch made and would have been selling them already. Ralph told him that they already make tripods that mount to anything and no one needs this thing that he's making. Ralph said that he has a camera mount that can wrap around anything and hold a camera. Artie told him to bring that thing in tomorrow and he'll compare it to Scott's invention.
Howard said that Scott probably envisioned millions of dollars and retirement with that thing and now everyone is crushing his dreams. Ralph asked him why he didn't get this thing out sooner. Scott said he didn't do any marketing for many years and then a few years ago a guy told him how cool the invention was and now he's doing it. Gary said that they were all looking at the patent out in the office and it looks like it's exactly what Scott has come up with.
Fred asked Scott why his camera mount was any better than a regular tri-pod. He said that it allows you to leave the camera on the cart and not have to lug it around. Gary told Howard that they have a 7:30 guest so they have to get to him. Howard said they have Buzz Aldrin calling in so he really wanted to get to that. He went to break right after that.
Buzz said that when people are trying to shoot you, that's real fear. He said that training to fly to the moon was much different. Howard told him how much he respected him for doing something like that. He can't imagine being in combat himself.
Howard asked Buzz if it was the best part of his life going to the moon like that. Buzz said that there isn't much walking going on because your feet are useless since there's no gravity. He was trying to explain that but Howard cut him off and asked him about the Ali G interview he had done one time. Buzz said he had never heard of the guy before and then he shows up in that yellow outfit of his. Howard asked him if it pisses him off that people don't believe that he went to the moon. Buzz said that it doesn't bother him, it's just people trying to get their 15 minutes of fame.
Buzz said that he's been confronted on that many times and someone once said that the best people to ask would be the Russians. If anyone would have called them out on faking that moon landing, it would have been the Russians.
Howard talked to Buzz about Neil Armstrong and told him that he thinks that Buzz should have been the first one to walk on the moon because of his military background. He went on to ask Buzz about what happened after he walked on the moon because his life kind of fell apart. Buzz said that he had depression in his family and his mother took her life a year before he went to the moon. He said that he lived a very structured life growing up and when all of that happened, it was kind of tough to live his life with all the fame.
Howard asked Buzz if he had a lot of chicks after that moon thing. He figured that women must really like that. Buzz said he really didn't have a lot of women back then. He said he was a heavy drinker but now he's been sober for 28 years now. He seemed to change the subject to get away from the ''poontang'' comments.
Buzz talked about what it's like being weightless and how cool that is. He said they didn't use that word back then because they were trying to stay cool in their outfits. He said that it's like being underwater when you're in space. He talked about some of the training he did and what that was like.
Howard asked Buzz about seeing a UFO up there. Buzz said that there was a book written about that but he didn't see anything, he just saw a piece of the rocket following them. Howard said that Buzz's real name isn't Buzz. Buzz said it is now, he had it legally changed about 20 years ago. He said that he was born Edwin Eugene Aldrin Jr. Though.
Howard read in the tabloids that Buzz had gotten a face lift. He told him he really doesn't need that. He said he had a bit of a drooping chin so he had to have something done. He said that he's just as vain as Howard is so he had to do it.
Howard said that Buzz is promoting this 3 day 2 night stay in Orlando. Buzz said that this is the same company that offers free stays out in Las Vegas. He said that all you have to do is call this company at 866-67-GO-WIN and you can get a free hotel stay in Orlando. If you do it in the next 15 minutes, they'll throw in tickets to some Orlando attractions. Buzz said that he's done it himself and it's a nice time.
Artie told Buzz about Scott DePace's Video Caddy and said that if he had flown to the moon today, he could have used that to tape himself. Howard told Buzz that if he's ever in New York he'd like to take him to Scores and they'll get some broads together. Buzz said that his wife is always with him so she'd have to come with them.
Howard asked Buzz if he ever had two broads at once back in the 60s. Buzz said he couldn't recall ever doing anything like that. He said he never did drugs or anything like that either. He said he was a pipe smoker but that was it. He said he never smoked weed because that was a different generation.
Howard asked Buzz if he hates Neil Armstrong. Buzz said he doesn't hate him, they get together once in a while. He said Neil has a younger wife who gets him out moving around once in a while. They spent a few minutes talking about him and then started to wrap up. Howard gave him a plug for his web site BuzzAldrin.com. Buzz said he's working on space craft that could replace the Space Shuttle when they have to retire them. He also said he's creating lotteries to get people into space when they start regular flights up there.
Howard asked Buzz about his three marriages. Buzz said that the second one was tough. Howard thanked Buzz for calling in and gave him another plug for that 866-67-GO-WIN number. He asked Buzz if he had any famous chicks back then when he was flying around. Buzz said he didn't want to get into any trouble and didn't want to talk about that stuff. Artie said that the good thing about the moon is that you can take a fat chick up there and she'd be weightless. Buzz said that you do have to come home though.
Howard told Buzz that he's a hero and he respects what they have to do. He asked Buzz what he thinks about us being in Iraq. He thinks that it was a good idea and now maybe they're doing the right thing. He thinks that if we pulled out of there now, it would turn into a complete mess. Howard said that it's pretty much a mess now though. They spent a minute on that and then Howard asked Buzz if he uses viagra. Buzz said he might use it if Howard gave him some free samples.
Howard told Buzz to come in there sometime and tell them about the famous chicks he banged. Buzz said that he hung out with Gina Lollobrigida. He didn't say he had sex with her but he did ''go around the world'' with her. Howard asked him if he tried to have sex with her. Buzz said he didn't because there were too many people watching.
Howard asked Buzz if he thinks there's life on other planets. Buzz said there must be some place out there that can support life. He figures that it wouldn't be like us though. Howard told Buzz that it was a pleasure talking to him and let him go. Buzz seemed to enjoy it as well.
Howard said he saw a picture of Buzz in the tabloids after his surgery and the poor guy still had the dressing on his face. He said he seemed like a good dude. He then played the Ali G show clip where he interviewed Buzz. He asked him a bunch of dopey questions about the moon. He asked what the people were like up there on the moon and if he thinks that man will ever walk on the sun. Ali G asked him what he thinks about all of these people who think the moon doesn't exist. Buzz told him that it does exist and they have landed there. Ali G told a bunch of goofy jokes and jerked him around for a few minutes and then calls him Buzz Lightyear at the end of the interview.
Howard said that Buzz really was a good guy. He read that Buzz really was pissed off that he didn't walk on the moon first but it was a publicity thing. Gary came in and said he just read the Neil Armstrong book and they say that Buzz was in the military so that's why they didn't send him up there first. They didn't want the world to look at it like we were trying to take over the moon.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Fred to play the ''Whitey's on the Moon'' song that they used to play all the time. Fred tried to find it while they continued to talk about Buzz's call. Howard asked Fred if he found that song yet. Fred said he wasn't able to find it in the system.
Another caller said that he enjoyed that Lou Dobbs story Howard told yesterday. He said he's a fan of Lou's and he enjoyed hearing the story. He started to explain what he likes about Lou but Howard cut him off and said he just saw the guy smoking 5 cigarettes (in 15 minutes) out on the street. He let that guy go and said it was pretty cool talking to a guy who landed on the moon. He said he really shouldn't have to get a face lift though. He said he wants to tell the guy he doesn't have to listen to these broads who think he needs one.
Howard said a dude just never looks good with a face lift. He said that Al Pacino, Burt Reynolds and Michael Douglas just don't look right these days. He said there may be some guys out there who have had them done and you can't tell, but there are these others who look downright scary.
Howard said there are a lot of guys out there doing the Botox thing too. Robin said there's something called Restilin too and she didn't know what that was. Howard said that's something you shoot in your lips.
Melrose Larry Green called in again and said that the Buzz interview was brilliant. Robin asked why he's calling in so often these days. Melrose said he had an epiphany and started to kiss Howard's ass some more. Howard hung up on him and went to break.
Howard played the audio from Maxim radio where Steve was defending him to the two hosts, Covino and Rich. The guys talked to Steve about that and then took a call from a woman who said that Howard really is hideous. Steve asked her if she had been to an optometrist lately. The guys figured Steve was just doing that because he works for Howard.
Howard said that in a weird way it's a compliment that he's even in the game. He played more audio from that show where the writer of that article defended himself. He was saying that Howard's movie ''Private Parts'' was all about him being ugly. Howard said that's not quite true. Fred said that was ''The Elephant Man'' not Howard's movie. Steve asked the guy if he minded if they printed that he was hideous.
The guys on the show were defending themselves saying that they were just writing headlines for that article. Howard said he just didn't want to be part of it. Howard said of course he made fun of their channel. Howard also let Sam Simon know that he really doesn't care. He said that he knows he's not as good looking as Beth, Sam just missed the point.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his wife thinks that Howard is beautiful and sexy and they have 4 radios in their cars and house. He also said that he had a game to play with them where they had to come up with 50 voices that they've done in the past. Howard hung right up on the guy.
Gary the Retard called in and said that he was waiting on hold since 3 in the morning. He said he heard a rumor that High Pitch Eric was out on the street. Howard said that wasn't a rumor, he was evicted from his apartment because he didn't pay his rent. Artie said he heard a rumor about Gary, that he eats his own shit. Gary went off on him saying that was bullshit. Artie kept telling him about a bunch of other things he heard Gary does. Gary said he heard that Artie was leaving the show. Artie didn't know how he could hear that with cock in his ear.
Artie asked Gary how old he was on his last birthday. Gary said he had Artie beat because he's 55 and Artie is only 39. Artie called him a bunch of names and tried to get him all worked up. Howard asked Gary if he jerks off. Gary said he doesn't do that shit. Howard found that hard to believe. Gary kept saying he doesn't do it though.
Howard asked Gary if he knows what it means to jerk off. Gary said he knows it means to beat your meat. He said he's never touched himself down there. Gary said that he was told that it's wrong to do it so he doesn't do it. Howard told him that he does it himself and rubs himself until stuff comes out. Then Gary said that he doesn't do it all that often. He said he did it but didn't like it. Artie figured that he had his penis stuck in something right then.
Howard asked Gary why he was lying about the jerking off thing. He asked Gary if he wanted to do it right then on the phone with him. He said they could do a circle jerk. Artie added that Gary is the jerk. Howard asked Gary how many times a day he jerks off. Gary said ''about one.'' Howard asked him what he uses as lube. Gary said that he just beats it off and goes to bed. Robin thought it was funny that it was now once a day from ''never.''
Howard asked Gary who he would like to have sex with now. Gary has thought about a lot of women and he was a fan of Miss Howard Stern's. Howard asked him how he cleans up his mess. Gary said it all gets in his underwear and he just washes his hands. He leaves his load in his underwear and just changes it the next morning.
Howard told him that he could just beat off into a tissue and throw it away. Gary was never thought how to do that. Howard asked Gary if it's uncomfortable. Gary said ''yes it is'' which got the guys laughing. Howard suggested to Gary that he shoot that stuff out into a tissue so he doesn't have to mess up his underwear. Gary said that has never occurred to him at all. Artie was laughing as Howard was giving Gary the advice. Howard asked Gary what he thinks about that. Gary said that sounded okay to him. Howard said that he probably can't wipe his ass right either.
Howard told Gary to give it a try today and jerk off into tissues and let him know how it works out. Gary said that he'd do that but he has to work today. Howard played Gary the prank call they played earlier where Richard called him and told him that he had Robin on the phone. They had Robin moaning as if she was getting off and Gary thought that's what he was really hearing.
Howard let Gary go a short time after that. Artie said that he's one of his favorite callers. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said the kiss in the dream was really soft and gentle and so sexy. He said it wasn't a big kiss though, just something on his cheek. He also said that he really wants to jerk off thinking about her just to get it out of the way.
Howard had Jim Florentine come in after that. He said that Jim is kind of gross. He said he loves doing gross things to people. Jim said that he's growing out of that stuff and he's really not doing it that much anymore. Howard heard about Jim going out to Rocklahoma in Oklahoma and pretending to be eating shit out of a bowl in the bathroom. Jim said he was hanging out in a port-a-john and eating his chili in there. He said out of 30,000 people this hot chick he met opened the door and saw him doing it and ran off.
Jim said that he takes some smelly shits sometimes and it's hilarious. He had a flight attendant spraying the door while he was still in the bathroom on a flight one time. Artie told another story about going to do a show with Jim and KC one time and Jim let this huge fart rip right in front of this family that was there. Artie said he was all cranky but then laughed for the rest of the day until they did that show that night.
Howard said that Jim will roll up the windows and keep the smell in the car when people fart. Robin said she always remembers the pepper mill story where Jim had a guy keep going and going with the fresh pepper until his chicken was covered. Then he ate the chicken. Jim said he just did that with his family down in Jamaica and had the guy standing there for 8 minutes grinding pepper. He had to have a second guy come in and take over for him because he got so tired. Artie said that they'll be walking down the street and Jim will just say ''Sir!'' and some guy will turn around and look but they'll just keep walking.
Howard said that Jim's girlfriend Jade committed suicide and Jim has been involved with a suicide prevention charity. He said he did this 20 mile walk in the city and he was walking with this guy Ray Combs Jr. whose father killed himself. He said they cut the walk short and went out for a drink that night. Jim said he goes to a support group but he doesn't goof around at those things. Jim said that he's never picked up chicks there but there are some women who ask him to go out with their daughters.
Jim said this 53 year old woman has become good friends with him and she asked him to just throw her one. He said that he can't take advantage of women like that. Years ago he would have done it in a second but now he can't do it. He said that he's messed up right now and she's messed up so he can't go there.
Howard said it sounds like Jim has really changed after all of this. Jim said that he really has and now he can go out with women and not do anything with them. He said that he hasn't had sex with a woman since the suicide but he has gotten a few blow jobs. He said it's going to be hard to get close to a woman again.
Jim said that he and Jade were growing apart and they had both hit milestones, he turned 40 and she hit 30. He said that they were breaking up and getting back together and then around Christmas time she killed herself. Robin told Jim to hook up with Richard Jeni's ex. Jim said that he felt really bad about that because they both have the same management team.
Jim said he never thought that Jade would do anything. He said that he got the last call from her when he was on stage doing a show one night. He said she told him she couldn't go on anymore and that was it. Jim said that he found her in the apartment and that made it even worse. He said that the call was a cry for help and he was too late to do anything about it.
Jim said that she always seemed so up and happy to people and they had no idea that she'd do such a thing. Howard said he didn't know that he'd found her. Jim said that they say it's like a 2 year grieving process and it might be even longer after you find someone like that.
Artie said that he and Jim worked together a couple of months after that and he couldn't believe how different Jim was after that. He said Jim was much more mature after it and he's changed. Jim said that his comedy is even better now because he doesn't have any fear anymore. He just opens up on stage and does his thing. He doesn't talk about the suicide though.
Jim said he dedicates every show to Jade and that's how he's dealing with it these days. He feels guilty sometimes but he also gets angry with her for leaving him alone. He said that he's more sad than anything though. Jim said that she left him a note that said that the six years they were together were the best 6 years of her life. He said that makes him feel a little better. He's been going to therapy a couple of days a week and reading self-help books and stuff like that.
Jim said that he's also been going to a Shamen, or spiritual healer, who has been helping him out. He said that the guy has him get into his underwear and rubs him down. He said nothing goes into his ass or anything like that. Jim said that Bob Hope used to take the guy out on the road with him and it helps get the stress out of you. Jim said it's like $250 for a couple of hours.
Jim said that the Shamen has really helped him out a lot. He said the guy doesn't try to contact her or anything like that. He said the guy tells him not to blame himself for what happened. The guy is amazing according to Jim. He said he's been to him three times.
Howard said he can't imagine going through that stuff himself. Jim said that Jade was all about helping people when she was around and that's why he's trying to help people himself now. Howard said she helped him because she grabbed his balls.
Howard gave Jim some plugs for this show called ''The Good Side of Bad News'' that he's doing. You can find more about that at SuperDeluxe.com. He also gave Jim a plug for his web site JimFlorentine.com.
Howard took some calls for Jim and one guy said that he was ready to slit his wrists listening to this interview. Howard said he wished he would, obnoxious fuck. Another guy said he wanted to know why Jim didn't thank him for all the blow jobs he gave him. He was joking of course.
Another caller said that Jim has been like this ever since high school and they wondered how his comedy was going to come out on stage. The guy said that Jim once peed in his sister's punch that he got her. Jim said he didn't remember doing that but it was probably true, that's the kind of stuff he used to do.
A caller told Howard that Jim was full of it when it comes to getting laid. He said that he knows that Jim got laid along with his buddy Chuck. Jim said that the guy was wrong, he didn't get laid. He said all he got were a couple of blow jobs and he has no reason to lie about it.
Another caller said that Jim was practicing his stand-up act on his girlfriend, that's why she killed herself. Jim said he didn't come on the show for sympathy so he didn't mind the calls. Another guy joked that Jim goes on stage with Richard Christy who commits suicide every night. No laughs.
Robin asked Jim if he believes in heaven. Jim said he grew up catholic so he does. Howard found that surprising. Howard asked Jim what famous guy's nuts Jade grabbed. Jim said that Howard's were probably the most famous. He said she also grabbed Ferrall's balls.
Artie talked about how intense it can be to read the last note that someone wrote. He said that he knew some guy who killed himself and he read the last note he ever wrote. He said the guy owed a lot of money to a bookie and one day a kid opened up the van he was hiding out in and found the kid dead with the suicide note.
Jim said that the day to day stuff is really tough for him and it's tough to deal with it unless he's out having a good time with his friends. Jim said that he hasn't been back to the apartment he was living in since that night he found her. He said now he just has a few pictures of her and that's pretty much it.
Wheels, a paralyzed fan, called in and said that he really respects Jade for taking herself out, he doesn't respect the people who try to kill themselves and don't go through with it. He said that he's paying for his own funeral already and he's leaving taped messages for people and he'll even send Howard one. Jim told Wheels that he really needs to get on some anti-depression pills and try that. Jim said that there are people who go on that stuff and it changes their life. Wheels said that it won't change his life though. Howard said he thought that Wheels was a pretty upbeat guy. Wheels said he's just tired of living the way he does and he wants to end it eventually. He said he worries about his mom the most. He said he looks forward to Howard's show but that's about it. He said there's not much else.
Wheels said that he's not going to take himself out until Howard retires. He'll be around for a few more years then. Jim said that he really wants to talk to the guy off the air. Howard asked Wheels if he can get hard. Wheels said that he enjoys getting chicks off but now that he's paralyzed, he can't come anymore. He said he broke his neck jumping into the water one time. He made a mistake and hit his head in 12 inch deep water. He was trying to do a belly flop and hit his head instead.
Wheels told Howard that he used to get really hot chicks before the accident. He said that it's just not the same to be with chicks these days. He said that it's all about being happy and it's tough for him. Howard had Gary get Wheels' number to give it to Jim. Jim said that he knows what he's going through and he really wants to talk to him.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and said that he was getting depressed and wanted to talk about pulling trains with Jim. He and Jim used to do chicks together. Jim said that Bob has a big hog too so he had to ask him to go first since there was no way he could follow that. He said he saw Bob's cock once and that was enough.
Jim said that he drove home with Bob one time, shortly after he'd gotten married, and all he heard was Bob talking about how he was changed man but that night, just 14 hours later, he was banging another chick. Howard took another call from a woman who said that this was the most compelling radio ever. She said that it was great and mesmerizing to her. Howard said that he and Jim spoke off the air and he knows that Jim wasn't ready to come back on the show for a while. Now Jim is able to talk about it a little bit.
The woman on the phone said that she wanted to find out what was going on because the super fans really want to hear about it. She said that it was probably helping some people too. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked about what else he's doing. Jim said that he's doing a fund raiser show in October at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey.
Irish John called in and said he saw the chick that Jim was talking about earlier and she was hot. He said he wouldn't have been able to hold back from banging that chick. Howard gave Jim a few more plugs for his stuff. Fred played some sad piano music as they were wrapping up.
Steve Langford came in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said they have a report about the Maxim magazine guys who aren't coughing up pictures of their girlfriends like Howard asked them to do. Howard thanked Steve for sticking up for him on the Maxim channel there. Steve also mentioned they have more on Mutt and Joey Boots who have been battling it out a little bit lately. Steve said that Mutt has taken away Boots' status as a moderator on SFN. Howard sounded shocked by that.
Shuli came in to tell what he's heard about the story. He said that Boots was told that he was going to be cut back to every other week. Joey thinks that Mutt should be cut back and to let him take over the show once in a while. Shuli said that Boots thinks that some of Mutt's questions on the show are retarded and they should change it up a bit.
Howard asked Shuli if he thinks that Boots should be given a chance to host the show. Shuli said that it wouldn't hurt to let Joey give it a try. Fred said if it was Mutt's idea, then he should keep the show. Howard said that the history of the show came about because of SFN and sites like that but it was hosted by Jon Hein in the beginning. They made Mutt the host after he was on a few times.
Jon Hein came in and said that Mutt is the host and the show is produced by Jason. Shuli thought it was funny that Boots wanted to get rid of the host of the show. They spent a couple more minutes talking about that before Steve got back to his preview.
Steve said that they may be getting closer to having Sanjaya on the show. He recently said that he may meet Howard before he dies. Howard had Jon Hein give his show preview after that. Jon said they'll talk about the Buzz Aldrin interview and Scott DePace's golf caddy. Robin said that was the best of the day that his caddy was already patented by someone else. Jon said they'll also find out why Jason has such a vendetta for Scott. They'll also talk about The Losers and how they were offered a shot at being an opening act for the Edgar Winter Band.
Steve the Intern came in with his Intern Show preview. He mentioned the stuff they'll be talking about tonight on The Intern Show on Howard 101 at 7pm. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard asked Robin if she would go out with him or not. Robin thought about it for a few seconds and Jim said that was a good sign. She turned down the offer thinking that Jim wasn't being serious. Jim said he was serious and he'd even pay.
Robin said that she might go on a date with him but she wondered why he'd waste her time on a date and not just go for it. Jim said it would be a nice dinner if she'll go. He said he'd make reservations at Quiznos right then if she agreed to go. Robin was laughing and not agreeing to it yet. Artie thinks that she's kind of attracted to him. Howard asked Jim if he could handle that whole package. Jim said he's up for it.
Howard said it would be some turn around because Mr. X hated farters. Jim said that the offer is there if she wants to take him up on it. Robin wanted to know where they were going to go. Jim said he'd take her to Nobu or something like that. He said they could do that or go somewhere in Jersey. Jim told her to just go to lunch with him on Monday. Robin said she couldn't do it on Monday.
Robin said she wanted to be let off the hook here. Jim said that she wouldn't hurt his feelings if she said no. Robin then said ''no.'' Jim said that he was serious about it but if she didn't want to go, that was fine. Jim said she's probably afraid that Bob Levy is going to ask her out next. Bob was on the phone seconds later and said that for Howard TV she should let he and Jim pull a train on her. She laughed.
Jim said that he really did want to take her to a serious dinner so Robin agreed to go with him. Howard said that was their new couple, Jim Florentine and Robin. Robin said she knows how Artie feels when they try to set him up on dates. Artie told her that it was a good thing because Jim really is a nice guy. Robin was all flustered and Howard figured that Jim was going to end up fucking her. He said that it would take 2-3 dates. Robin said it'll never get to three dates. Jim said that's right because after he fucks her on the second date, he's never calling her again.
Jim said that there would be a lot of tension on the show if he did end up banging Robin and breaking it off. Artie said that there were a couple of times when Stacy, his sister, told him that she liked him a lot. Artie said that he'd actually like for her to go out with him and thought about telling her that. He thinks that Robin would be doing well for herself to go out with him.
Yucko the Clown called in and said ''Fuck Nobu, I'll take you to the Popeye's chicken in Harlem...'' Howard let him go and Jim asked if Robin was going to laugh through their whole date because he was taking it seriously. Robin said that she wanted him to stop looking at her. She asked why someone would come there and ask her out on the show. Fred said it just happened, he didn't come in with an agenda. Jim said that she runs out after the show and he can't find her when she does that. He had to ask her out on the air.
Robin said that there's not going to be any date. Artie said she had just agreed to it though. Jim said that he has to go out of town for a little bit but he'll be back in the city soon. He asked her if she wanted to go out to St. Louis with him, he's got frequent flyer miles. She kept laughing. She just wanted to get into her news but the guys told her that this was the news.
Howard asked Robin if she's ever fantasized about Jim. She said that she hadn't but she thinks he's an attractive guy.
Howard said he got a picture of Abby and she looks pretty friggin hot too. Howard said they're going to have a queef off next week. He said they'll have a few guest judges in the studio to vote on their queefs. Artie told Eve to stay on the line because he wanted to hook her up with a doctor that could prescribe some ''Shut the fuck up pills'' for her. She was a little bit too chatty for him. Jim told Robin that they could talk about this over dinner when they go out.
Howard had Robin get back to her news so they could get out of there at some point. Robin read through a bunch of stories without anyone bothering her about going out on this date. Howard eventually brought it up again and asked Jim if he was going to try to kiss Robin on the first date. Jim said he'd have to see how it goes. He said he might just kiss her on the cheek.
Robin finished up her news but Howard had a guy there who he promised a tour of the studio to. He had the guy come in for a quick visit. The guy was a cop and said he was going to get the tour soon. Howard asked the guy if he wanted to take Robin out on a date. Jim asked him to do security for he and Robin when they go out. The guy just laughed. He said he's a cop out in Southern California. He said he's been listening to Howard since the Butt Bongo Fiesta days.
Howard asked the guy if he ever had to shoot a guy. He said he can't talk about that. Howard let the guy go a short time later and said that his name was Neil. He wrapped up with Jim and said that he was the future Mr. Quivers. Jim asked her to take his name, Robin Florentine. Artie suggested that they call him Mr. F from now on. Howard gave Jim his plugs and talked a little more about this date. Howard told him that he has to tell him how she is in bed if he does get to bang her. Howard ended the show after Artie got in a plug for some shows he had coming up soon. You can find out more at Artie-Lange.com. They ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he thinks that satellite is still the future of radio. He said there are still a few people out there trying to stop the merger from happening though. He spent a minute on that and then mentioned that comedian Earthquake was coming in today. He played a clip from his stand-up act where he talks about Michael Jackson and his sleepovers with kids.
Artie said that some of that material was dated but he remembers when Michael Jackson was on trial and could have ended up in prison. He thought that was crazy at the time. Howard asked Robin what happened with Jim Florentine yesterday. Artie said he saw Jim out on the street yesterday and asked him if he was bullshitting Robin yesterday. Jim told him that he wasn't bullshitting in any way. Robin said that she actually gave Jim her number so they may go out on that date.
Artie said he doesn't even have Robin's number and he thinks that she will either go on the date or end up getting a lot of phony phone calls from him and his friends.
Howard read some feedback about Jim's interview and a lot of people really liked it. People were writing in to tell Howard how compelling it was to hear Jim talking about his girlfriend's suicide. Howard brought up Jim asking Robin out again and said that Robin had a strange look on her face. She said that it's ridiculous to postulate on a possible future date with someone. She said that Jim could have done that off the air instead of asking her on the air.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who told Robin to just give Jim hand release or at least let Jim tittie fuck her. Robin laughed. Artie said that he loves that but Howard said he's not into tittie fucking. Artie explained how he does it and Howard didn't understand. Artie said that the chick is on her knees on the bed while he's standing up and rubbing it. Fred said he's done that too but he's not as big of a fan as Artie is. He's not sure if the woman likes it and he doesn't really care either.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about it. She said that it's never been done to her so she doesn't know. Artie said that he dated a chick who was a Playboy lingerie girl and all he did with her was tittie fuck her. He didn't do anything else sexually with her. He said that she wanted him to go to a family barbecue with her after all of that.
Artie said that the chick wouldn't let him bang her normally and it was just the one time that he got to tittie fuck her. He said it didn't take long to get off doing that either. He said that he finds it really disturbing to come on a girl so he pulled away when he did it. He said she told him that he was ''such a gentleman'' for doing that too.
Artie said that the chick was just in the paper recently and he saw that she's married now. He said that there was an article about the guy and how he was married to her. He said that when she asked him to go to her family barbecue he got freaked out and never called her again. Robin asked Artie if he has to use any lube when he's doing that to a woman. He said that he's done it dry but you can use saliva or something. Howard said he was going to throw up.
Howard said that he was watching some porn last night since Beth wasn't there. He said that he got a copy of a porno that some girls had brought in recently. He said it was chick on chick so they take forever to get anywhere so it was rough beating off to. He said that they were licking and touching forever and it took a little time to get anywhere. He was able to blow his load though.
Howard got back to the e-mail and read one where someone told Robin to just go for it because they could tell she was really into him yesterday. Howard said that he never would have predicted that yesterday. He thought that she was kind of ''fluttered'' yesterday.
Ronnie came in with a smirk on his face and said he has some very sad news for the show. He said that Lonnie Hanover is no longer associated with Scores. He said that he was there for 15 years, at least, and now he's left. Howard wondered if they're still associated with them. Ronnie wasn't sure but he said that the guys over there told him that they're still welcome over there. He said he's not sure if things are going to be the same now.
Howard said Ronnie is really confused now because Lonnie was there guy from day one. Ronnie said that he may have to go back to staying in his cocoon at home now. Howard said that Ronnie really spends a lot of time there at Scores with Lonnie. He wondered what Ronnie is going to do on Friday nights now. Ronnie said he'll find somewhere to go.
Artie wondered why Lonnie left but Ronnie said he was going to let him answer that himself. Lonnie was on the phone a short time later. He told Howard this was something he had to do. He said they had some amazing times there but it was time to face some new challenges. He said that he's still in love with girls with big boobs, real or fake.
Howard asked Lonnie what happened. Lonnie said he resigned after giving the guys over there some time to change some things that he didn't think were right. He said he was taking the high road and didn't want to bad mouth them over there. Howard said that this is like Wayne Gretsky retiring or something, it's shocking and sad.
Lonnie told Howard that he helped a lot of girls get through college by making it okay to go to that club. He said that by the end of today he's pretty sure that he'll get 10 offers to work somewhere else. He's not worried about that.
Howard asked Lonnie if he thinks Ronnie should go back there or not. Lonnie said that he didn't want to suggest anything like that but he thinks that his judgment of the club is pretty good. Lonnie kept saying he was taking the high road and didn't really answer. Howard told Lonnie how Ronnie didn't even know what to do. Lonnie said that it's a free country and everyone can do what they want. Howard said it sounded like Lonnie was saying he didn't want them to go.
Ronnie asked Lonnie what he thinks they should all do because a lot of them hang out there. Howard said that Lonnie is his guy and he might have to go with him. He said that it didn't sound like an amicable split and he can't see going there if Lonnie isn't there. Gary said he agrees and said that they always stuck with Scores because of Lonnie.
Howard talked about all of the other offers that they've gotten from other strip clubs over the years and how they always turned them down because of Lonnie. They felt treated so well that they stuck with him over the years.
Lonnie said that he didn't want to leave so suddenly but he gave them time to fix some things over there that he felt weren't right. Gary said that Lonnie was the one who put the relationship together so that's why they have to stick with him. Howard said that if any of the guys fuck Lonnie over by continuing to go there, that screws over Lonnie. Ronnie said that when he got the news yesterday it was horrible. He didn't know what to do.
Lonnie said that he warned them that he was going to leave and they actually reached out to Ronnie before he even told Scores that he was leaving. He said that he gave them weeks to fix the problems but they didn't do anything. Lonnie said that he may just be a consultant to help pick out the next club to go to. Artie said that Lonnie seems to be handling the whole thing very well and didn't come to them to use the show as leverage to fix the problems. He said a lot of people would have done that.
Lonnie said that he's not going to get into a war with anybody. He said he had a great run over there (15 years) and it was a great place. He said he's going to do it again because it's a great industry.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that this sounds like a conspiracy. He thinks that Beth put her foot down and didn't let Howard go there anymore so now he has to hire Lonnie to work for him. Another guy said that wherever Lonnie goes, they have to follow him because he's going to treat them the same way wherever they go. The guys said that Lonnie is probably going to find the best place around and go there. Ronnie told him to hurry up and find a place because tomorrow is Friday night and he needs a place to go.
Lonnie said that he could go out and check some places out with Ronnie to preview them. Ronnie said he may have to go home and read a book or something. Howard said that Ronnie was talking about going back to Scores when he really should have been sticking with Lonnie the whole time. Ronnie said he wasn't going to do anything like that, he knows what to do. He said he's going to go where Lonnie goes. Howard said Ronnie was telling him he didn't know what to do when he should have known what to do immediately.
Robin was digging at Ronnie trying to make him look bad. He said that they were trying to make him look like an asshole. Howard took another call from a guy who said that it doesn't matter where Lonnie goes and they were just leaching off of Scores. Lonnie said that it was a big deal that Howard brought up the name of that club and he brought in a lot of people because of all of the discussions about the club.
Howard wondered why Ronnie didn't know what to do and kept digging at him about that. Ronnie said he couldn't believe that he was turning that on him. Howard said that Richie from Howard TV should know what to do too and Ronnie shouldn't have been wondering what they should do.
Johnny Fratto called in and said that Lonnie should be out in L.A. but the guys told him that he should be there in New York since that's where the show is. Lonnie said that his mission is to keep the guys on the Stern Show happy. Johnny said that the clubs out there are horrible and they need someone like Lonnie out there. The guys talked about how bad the clubs really are out there because you have to keep a 6 foot buffer between you and the girls.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who told Lonnie to build his own club from the ground up. Howard said that's pretty risky. Lonnie said that he'd rather be associated with a club that's established already. Dominic Barbara called in and joked about Ronnie wanting to change his name to Lonnie but Howard told him to be serious and not try to crack jokes. Dominic went on to talk about how great Lonnie was to the show over the years and that got Howard talking more about being loyal to Lonnie.
Another caller said that it was tragic to hear that Lonnie was leaving because he had never made it there. He started to go off on some weird tangent so Howard hung up on him. King of All Blacks called in and said he thinks that Ronnie was trying to get Howard to tell him that he should take Lonnie's job. Ronnie said that's not the case at all. King also told Robin not to sell out and date a white guy (Jim Florentine).
Howard said that this is shocking news. Robin said that she thought it was a happy family over there. Lonnie said that he didn't want to bother anyone with his problems. He thanked Howard for his support over the years after that. Another caller said that he's boycotting Scores now and won't go there anymore because of this. Lonnie said that he feels bad about this because he really can't say anything. He said there are other clubs around the country that are managed differently but he can't say anything about that stuff.
Lonnie said that he's not encouraging anyone to boycott the clubs and he loves all of the girls and the employees. What happened with him only happened there in New York. He also said that Howard is the first person he's told other than Ronnie. He said he's happy for the future and he's looking forward to it because he knows what he's doing.
Howard let Lonnie go and asked Ronnie where he was sneaking out to. Ronnie said he wasn't sneaking out anywhere. He asked Howard if he was done with him yet. The guys were still goofing on him about him not knowing what to do now. Ronnie said he was just wondering where he's going to eat now. Howard told him this is shameful and he should call Lonnie and apologize to him for not knowing what to do. Ronnie said he could hear Steve Langford starting up that recorder now to get some interviews with Lonnie.
Fred played some audio from ''Goodfellas'' because the guys were making a few references to the movie during the discussion with Lonnie. Robin said that she read that Joe Pesci and Angie Everhart are getting married. Howard said he'd like to know the whole story there.
A caller said that Ronnie should come up with a new t-shirt that says ''Lets Fuck Our Wives!'' instead of ''lets Fuck Some Whores!'' Howard said he still can't believe Ronnie didn't know what to do. Robin was on that too and said that she can't believe it either. Howard said it's a sad thing because he really likes those guys over at Scores but Lonnie is his guy.
Artie said that he took his cousin out to Scores to cheer him up after the Yankees lost to the Florida Marlins and he later told him that Yankee Stadium is no longer the best place in the world, Scores was. Howard said he's not sure what the whole story is but he would feel weird going there without Lonnie being there. He said it's possible that Lonnie was being unreasonable but he's really not sure.
The guys talked about how great the guys are there at the club and how they have a guy in the bathroom who knows how to get the stink of strippers off of you. Howard said it's very strange and awkward but he has to stick with his man Lonnie.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's pretty sure that they won't be able to open up for Van Halen because they already have an opening act. Howard said Gary wasn't sure if he was serious about that anyway so he probably didn't reach out to try and get the gig. He had to go to break after that.
Henry Hill was on the phone so Howard picked up and talked to him about how he used to tell them that they could fix games back in the days when they were doing that stuff. Howard said he didn't believe him until this NBA referee came out and revealed that stuff was going on. Howard asked Henry how you move in on a guy like that. He said that the guy only got about thirty grand out of the deal. Artie said that it was the money that he owed to the mob that was probably big. Robin said that she'd like to know what he owed to them.
Artie said that the guy did it to not get killed. That made Henry laugh with that evil laugh of his. He said that guy is going to roll like a ball down a bowling alley. He said that he's going to roll over on everyone. That could cause a big mess in the NBA if he turns over on everyone else who might be doing the same thing.
Howard asked Henry if he thinks that the mob might have the guy bumped off because they're worried about him. Henry doesn't think that they'll do that. They didn't get to Henry so they probably won't get to that guy either. Henry said that guy will get a new identity and a face lift and he'll be fine.
Henry said that the guy is an addict and that was his problem. He asked Artie if he bet on any games lately. Artie said that he didn't because none of his friends are Refs. That got Henry laughing again. Artie asked Henry how they'd bet on games like that when they were fixed. Henry said that they would set up point shaves and sometimes they wouldn't come through so they'd have to threaten the guys. Artie asked if the scene in Goodfellas was true where they hung a guy over a lion at the zoo. Henry said that was true, they really did that to a guy.
Howard asked henry about that lion thing and found out that Henry got into some trouble because the guy's sister worked for the feds and saw them beat the shit out of the guy. Henry said he got 10 years for that but only served 6 years and 8 months of the sentence.
Gary said that he was hanging out with Henry out in Vegas one time and they were talking about the point shaving thing and Henry told him that he didn't know that point shaving was illegal. Henry told a couple more stories and then asked Howard to give him a plug for his artwork that's available on eBay.com.
Howard asked Henry if he ever got involved in dog fighting. Henry said he'd never do that, he loves dogs. Howard said that's funny, Henry loves dogs but he's killed people. Howard asked him what he thinks will happen to Michael Vick. Henry said he's heard they want him to get a year in prison for that whole thing. He tried giving his plug again but no one understood what he was saying. Henry said that he's got self portraits of ''me and you'' on eBay Art. Howard wanted to help him out but Henry kept saying the same thing.
This guy Pauly that calls in every time Henry does, told Henry that he's much more enjoyable when he's coherent. He said that he wasn't stoned out of his mind so he was very clear and understandable. Pauly asked Henry about an interview he'd seen online and how it went because he only saw half of it. Henry just gave him an ''I dunno'' and didn't really have an answer.
Howard had Henry give his plug again. Henry said that he has a self portrait of him and Howard available on eBay Art. Howard saw the picture and said that it looked like a 4 year old painted it. He was going to let him go but Pauly had more questions for Henry. He tried to hang up on him but Henry kept saying more stuff. Howard eventually hung up on him.
Dan had problems hearing Robin so Howard had to help him out with the volume. He told Will to go tell Scott the Engineer to check those things every morning to make sure they work. Gary said that Scott said he checked them and they were at a regular level this morning. Howard said he's full of shit, he didn't check them this morning.
Dan said that he was there in 1994 and 95 and he went to work on his movie after that. Howard said that the funniest thing was that Steve Grillo was working there at the time. Howard said the movie people asked them to send an intern down to help out on the movie and they sent Dan down there. He ended up doing some work for them and then ended up turning it into a career. He was making six figures by the end of that career. He turned into a second, second assistant. He got to work on Spider-Man 2 and things like that. He said that drove Grillo crazy. Dan said that Grillo was angry with him for a while.
Howard said Dan left the business and now he wants to be a gym teacher. Dan said that he was working like 16-18 hours a day and it was just too much. He said that life on the set was boring because you do a lot of nothing waiting for stuff to be set up. Howard asked him how much he's going to make as a gym teacher. Dan said that he can make some good money. He knows it's a great job and he's getting a masters in Phys Ed.
Artie asked him why he doesn't try to advance in the movie business instead of changing his life like that. Dan said he did try but now he wants a more stable life. Dan said that he was always unemployed in the movie business and he got tired of that stuff.
Howard read that Dan thought Martin Lawrence was an asshole. Dan said that he just seemed like a miserable guy. He said no one was allowed to look at him. They're told that they can't look at him and you have to go through his people to tell him something even if he's sitting right next to the guy.
Dan said that Bruce Willis was also trying to hit on his girlfriend at the wrap party for a movie they worked on. He said his girlfriend was Kate Blanchett's stand-in for this movie they were working on. Bruce had said something about her having a great ass so Dan said he had to ask Bruce's bodyguard to ask him to back off. Bruce did that but he still found him to be pretty arrogant.
Dan talked about Billy Bob Thornton being a good guy and how Angelina Jolie had stopped by on the set back then because they were married at the time. He said he saw her and she looked really good in person. He said he didn't have any problem with Billy Bob at all.
Howard asked Dan if he caught anyone being gay that you wouldn't really think was gay. Dan said he did hear some rumors about one actor and he was shocked. He couldn't say it on the air though, he said he'd tell Howard that one off the air.
Howard asked Dan about Tobey Maguire and if he's cool. Dan said that he was a good guy from what he hears. Howard asked him if he ever saw weird shit on the set. Dan said he worked on ''Ed TV'' and saw some weird shit there. He said he was just starting out getting food for people. He was asked to get Elizabeth Hurly some vegetables and he had to bring them to her trailer. He knocked on her door and she was wearing nothing but a thong when she told him to come in. He didn't get the feeling that she was into him though.
Ellen Degeneres was in that Ed TV movie and Dan said she was a handful. He said that she always had an entourage around her and they were always bowing down to her. He said that people would just laugh at her just to laugh even if she wasn't being funny.
Dan said that he was talking to Jim Carrey on ''Man on the Moon'' and when Jim found out he used to be an intern, they called him into a movie to ask him if something weird was going on. They got really paranoid about that stuff. He said that Beth was fired from Letterman's show when she started dating him. He said they just stopped calling her when they found out about that.
Gary said that Dan was hanging with Mel Gibson at one time and he was trying to get him on the show. He said he used to listen all the time but he's not sure if he listens anymore. Howard asked Dan if he talked any crazy Jew stuff back then. Dan laughed and said he can't go there. He said that he would only say that Mel wasn't a fan of Joel Silver. He didn't want to say what he overheard him saying.
Howard asked Dan if he's a Jew. He said that his father is a Jew but he was raised Catholic. Howard asked him if he told Mel that. Dan said he didn't tell Mel a lot of stuff. Howard asked him about some other people he's worked with. He worked with Brad Pitt and said that he was actually a good guy and smarter than he seems. Dan said that George Clooney was a good guy too. He said that his hair stylist is a good looking guy too and they get all kinds of hot chicks.
Dan said that he went to a bar with Matt Damon and George Clooney and there was no one in the club at the time. About a half hour later there were models all over the place. He said that they're very personable people too, they'll talk to just about anyone. Robin said she talked to Brad Pitt and knew he was a big fan but he'll never do the show. Gary said that's the deal with Steve Martin too. He loves the show but he'll never do it. Gary said that they'd have to talk to Steve about one of his wives leaving him for a woman so that's probably why he won't do it.
Dan said that he's back on the East coast now and his girlfriend left him. She left him before he decided to get out of the business. She got freaked out by 9/11 and ran home to Wisconsin according to him. Howard wrapped up with Dan and said he's never heard of someone wanting to help people by teaching Phys Ed. He told him to come back in 10 years and tell them some crazy kick-ball stories.
Dan forgot to talk about this web site he has. It's a football pool they run at UltimateSurvivalPool.com. They have a $60,000 grand prize they give away. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said Earthquake is doing some shows at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick this week. He gave him a plug for that and then asked him what's going on with his marriage. He said that he's having problems now and his wife is suing him for everything, even for his MySpace page. He said that now he's only got 2 friends left on there.
Howard asked him what happened with the marriage. Earthquake said that comedians can't pick women to save their lives. He said that he met this woman at a strip club. She was a waitress there and he thought she was just trying to put herself through school. He said that she never loved him and it was all a set up from what he could tell. He said it was like she was a talent scout or something.
Earthquake said he was married for 3 years and he's been trying to get divorced for 3 years. He had a lawyer that was so bad that he wasn't sure if he'd passed the BAR or if he was just hanging at the bar. He said he's got a new one now and they're trying to figure things out. He said that his wife is living at his house even though it's in foreclosure at this point. He said she's still getting work done on the pool even though the foreclosure thing is happening.
Earthquake said that they couldn't afford the house they had and he tried to tell her that but she didn't listen. He said she told him they could do it if he just went out on the road some more. He said that they've been trying to figure out what she deserves. Howard asked him if he ever suggested she go out and get a job herself. He said that she's allergenic to jobs and that shit makes her break out.
Earthquake said that he can't afford women anymore. Howard said that you'd think that they could settle this whole thing in court but Earthquake said that he is on probation because of contempt charges because of this woman. He said that he could end up in jail because of that woman. He grew up in Washington DC and never went to jail, now he could end up there because of this marriage. He said that she was claiming that he wasn't paying her any money so his lawyer went in and showed the checks and the judge said that he didn't present them correctly. He didn't get them from the bank. Then she went to child support and they started garnishing wages so it turned into a big mess.
Howard asked Earthquake what his take on Michael Vick was. Earthquake said that case shows that you need some white friends in your life. All of his friends turned on him. He said that Brothers are supposed to stick by each other but they all turned on Vick. He had Howard rolling when he was talking about the ''rocket docket'' they have in some courts.
Howard asked Earthquake about getting hookers and stuff. He said he does that so he doesn't end up getting married again. He said he meets these chicks everywhere but he's done with love now. He said he gambled with this last chick and he lost his shirt over it. Now he's done. He said that he doesn't even have time to fight the white man, he's got all of this other stuff going on to keep him busy.
Howard asked Earthquake if he would ever date a white woman instead of these black chicks. He said that there aren't any showing up at his shows and if he talks to any on the street, they go running. Howard gave Earthquake a plug for his MySpace page at MySpace.com/quakeshouse2.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he ended up going to jail for contempt charges similar to what Earthquake had. Earthquake said that he was living at this house just down the street from Jaime Foxx and he just couldn't afford it. He said that his wife is still there but now he's living with a friend of his. He said he can't go home to his mother's house because she wanted to charge him rent and tell him what kind of women he can bring home.
Howard asked Earthquake if he's still using the N-word in his act. He said he's not going to stop. He has no reason to stop. Gay Ramone called in after that and said that he might want to try black men instead of women. Earthquake said that he's got to have a woman, the love of a woman can't be touched so he's not switching.
Howard gave Earthquake some more plugs for his upcoming shows and mentioned he's going to be on ''Everybody Hates Chris'' for a few episodes. Earthquake said he wants to do a reality show but his wife was holding out for the money.
Artie told him that he's not going to get into any movies if he keeps Peter Principato as his manager. He knows because that's his manager as well. He said that he pays the guy thousands of dollars and he doesn't do anything for him. Artie said that he pays the guy over $100,000 a year and he never gets him any jobs. He said some of the jobs he's gotten lately have been through friends and calls directly from the people doing the shows. Artie said he feels that the guy has stolen money from him. Howard said that the guy should be able to defend himself on the air instead of talking about him like this. Earthquake was right with him on that stuff.
Earthquake said that he thinks a manager should be helping out with the career and molding it but that's just not happening. Artie said that Peter may be better off not calling in because he's not a brainiac. Earthquake said that he and Artie could do a buddy movie where they play fat cops. Artie said they could call it ''Fat Pigs.'' Artie said that Peter never even suggests ideas like that. He said he loves the guy but he's terrible at what he does for a living.
Howard gave Earthquake another plug for his Stress Factory gig but Artie was still going off on Peter. He sounded really pissed about the way the guy treats him. Gary said he tried to call the guy on his cell phone but he wasn't able to get him. He said he thinks that Peter won't come anywhere near the show because he's afraid of it. Artie said that he probably won't come to the show and insisted that he doesn't work hard enough for him. He said he thought that he'd be like Jim Carrey by now, or even like Drew Carrey.
Gary said that he thinks that Peter stuck with Artie through all of the tough times while other people didn't and that might be why Artie sticks with him. A caller asked if it was safe to see Earthquake in New Brunswick. Earthquake said it's a white man's club so of course it's safe. Howard wrapped up a short time later. Artie was still going off on Peter so Howard just went to commercial.
Howard said that tonight on Howard 101 at 7 they have Superfan Roundtable coming up. He apologized for not getting to Lisa G today but he ran out of time. He went on to say that he was reading that this guy John Mayer is getting Cameron Diaz and he hates that. He said the guy is in every magazine ad now and he's getting hot chicks. Robin said they used to day he was an odd looking guy but now he's like a model.
Artie said that he met John Mayer one time and he knew exactly what watch he was wearing when he saw it. He said it was kind of freaky. Howard said that he doesn't get some watches because they have all kinds of extra clocks and lines all over them so it's hard to tell the time. He said he likes smaller watches and doesn't want things sliding around on his wrist. He said he's got a Tag Heuer watch that he likes and an Army watch that was only like $100.
Howard said he started thinking about getting another watch and Tim Sabean was showing him his Rolex and that made him wonder if that watch is doing anything better than what his watch was doing. He doesn't get that whole thing. He said he might go out and get something nice but he's not sure what to get.
Howard said that Ralph will probably tell him that he doesn't like whatever watch it is. Tim came in and said that he likes watches and it wasn't a Rolex that he showed him, it was a Cartier. He said he has an everyday watch that he wears and the nice one as well. Tim said that he banged his watch into a door one day and broke the crystal and he was kind of upset about that.
Howard mentioned that he has a meeting with Scott Greenstein today and he's really bummed out about that. He said the guy gets really excited and he really doesn't want to be bothered with him asking him what the future is going to be. Tim said that they have things set up now so they don't have to do that kind of stuff. Howard said Tim is in charge of the channels and they've figured out how to work with each other. Tim had to tell him to back off in the beginning because he was telling him exactly what to do.
Robin said that Bubba was upset with Tim and Artie yesterday. Tim said that he wasn't able to give Bubba an answer on something quickly enough yesterday. He wanted some tape for his show and Tim had to ask Howard if he could do that. Bubba wanted a clip of Artie calling Bubba a hack but Artie said he never called him a hack. Artie said he threw his name in with some other people who were goofy guys and he took it as a dig at him.
Artie said he was on the Wrap Up show and he was giving Sal and Richard shit for the stuff they do on the show and told them they were doing the kind of stuff that Bubba and other shows do. He was just kidding though. Robin heard the show yesterday and Bubba was saying he hates Tim Sabean and he may have to go somewhere else. He was saying he may have to go somewhere else even if he has restrictions. Tim said they want him to stay but his contract is up at the end of this year. He said they want him to stay though.
Artie said that Bubba called him off the air one time to ask about something he said and he's a good dude that way. Howard thanked Tim for all of that and let him go.
The kid, Kenny Nash, said he wants to be on the air himself. He's got a countdown show right now so Howard played some of that to hear what he sounds like. Howard told him that he might have an opening there in January 2008 if Bubba leaves.
Howard told Kenny that he sounded pretty good because he wasn't ''Um, and ahhing'' when he's doing his thing. He said he was good for a high school kid. Howard was talking to Kenny when he said ''axed'' instead of ''asked'' so Howard called him out on that. He told him that won't fly on radio. He played a little more of his air check and said he did some nice talk ups. Artie said it sounds like he might want to be on the gay channel with those songs he's talking up.
Howard did his Cousin Brucie impression a little bit and asked Kenny if he had any questions for him. Kenny said he just wanted to meet him. He wasn't looking to do an interview or anything. Howard asked him if he's going to college to study for this. He said he is going to college to study communications. Howard told him that he needs a little more confidence and he should do fine. He's got a bit of a mush mouth right now but that could be fixed.
Howard told Kenny that it's a tough road to do radio. There are a lot of guys not making any money. He told him to just ask Benjy, he hasn't made any money and he's been doing it for years. Howard asked Kenny if he's doing well in school now. Kenny said he's doing okay getting 80's. Artie told him that if he had 70 grades, he could be President.
Howard and Artie asked Kenny if he had any chicks yet. Kenny said that he hasn't had any yet. He said he might go to the prom. The guys were trying to set Robin up with him but she said that the cut off is 25. She's not going to date a 17 year old.
Howard listened to a little more of Kenny's air check and he said that the next talk up wasn't all that good but he is just a high schooler so he has time to work on that. He said that he's got to get over the mumbling and he might just need some ''stank on his hang low'' to give him some confidence. Kenny said he hasn't been able to even kiss a girl yet. He hasn't seen any live naked girls yet.
Howard asked Kenny if he drinks or smokes weed at all. He said he drinks once in a while but doesn't smoke. Howard told him it's going to be a tough road but he's off to a good start. He said that if he ever needs advice, just call him. Howard said that he could give him advice about women too. He advised him not to try and hold out too long with chicks, it's all about your own pleasure.
Artie liked his name too. He said that Kenny Nash rolls right off your tongue. Kenny said that's what he was told too. Howard did his goofy DJ voice for Kenny and told him he needs to talk like that instead of mumbling. Howard let him go a short time later. Gary came in to take him out so he could give him a tour of the rest of the studio.
Howard said he was going to tell Kenny to call himself Kenny Kenny and just say everything twice. Robin said that maybe he should give himself some initials or something like that. The guys had some fun goofing around with the Kenny Kenny stuff and repeating everything twice. Howard said he could call himself Kenny Echo and have a lot of echo on his voice. He demonstrated what that might sound like. Howard said he really does need a gimmick. They could have him giving the weather in Celsius instead of Fahrenheit. Kenny Celsius would be his name. They came up with some other names like Kenny Irritable Bowel Syndrome as well. They goofed around with that for a few minutes and then went to break.
Robin said that Imus has been having performers he likes playing out at his ranch and he's going to put them out on a CD. Mike asked if it was true that Howard and Robin had worked with Imus and told him that he was a big racist even back then. Howard said that is true and he's been saying that for many years. He explained how Imus had called a woman the N-word right to her face one day. He said the story is so repulsive that he doesn't even like telling it over and over again.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Sal asked the interns if they knew who this guy was and they did. Jason then asked Sal if he knew when President Kennedy was killed. Sal thought it was 1974. Artie said that a comedian's best friend are references to history and stuff and Sal wouldn't even be good as an audience member because he knows so little.
Howard played more of the questions where Sal confuses JFK and Roosevelt. Sal thought that Roosevelt had Kennedy killed. Artie thought that Sal might be scamming them but Howard said it sounded serious to him. Even Jason said he couldn't believe what Sal was saying. He had to be kidding. Sal was giving out all of this incorrect information.
In another clip Sal was asked who succeeded JFK. Sal didn't even know what that word meant. He thought that succeeded meant ''before'' and not after. Sal came in the studio and said that he's really not that dumb. History was his worst subject. He said he failed history every year and that's why he was so bad at it. He said that Jon Hein had told him that Michael Collins was the second man on the moon and he kind of had an idea that Buzz was actually that guy.
Robin asked Sal what number president Lincoln was. He said he knew that he was number 16 and Washington was first. Howard gave Sal a list of wars and told him to put them in order from the earliest to the latest. Sal put them in this order.
Sal said that he thought that July 4th was Pearl Harbor day. He thought that Pearl Harbor was in Japan. Howard had to explain that to him as well. Rev. Bob Levy called in and told Sal he was an idiot. Sal asked him to spell idiot so Bob said ''S A L.''
Sal thought that the D in Franklin D. Roosevelt stood for ''Delaware.'' Howard goofed on him about that and said he had to move along after that. Howard told Sal that some people are weak in certain subjects but Sal is weak in all of them. Sal claims that he's good in science so Robin asked him what the technical term is for a white blood cell. Sal had no idea.
Howard and Robin threw out a few more questions and Sal knew some of them and thought that it was impressive that he did. No one else was saying it was impressive. Howard told him to get out of there and then goofed on him about thinking that the Gettysburg Address was given by ''President Gettysburg.''
Steve said that Eric the Midget is upset about a picture that Shuli has up on his myspace page. He may not be done with the show yet. Steve also said that SaveRalph.com is still going strong with over 1100 people signing the petition to keep Ralph on the show. Howard mentioned they have a poll up on HowardStern.com about whether or not Robin should go on a date with Jim Florentine. Howard said that 81 percent say that she should go on a date.
Shuli came in and showed Howard the picture of Eric the Midget was complaining about. He said he put the picture up on his myspace page and Eric freaked out. Shuli said that it's his profile picture and now Eric is threatening to call Myspace legal to get it removed.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Robin about this date with Jim Florentine. Robin said that she could never sleep with Jim because he's part of the show crew. She said that she is kind of excited about going out on a date with someone but she's not sure about Jim. She's not sure if he's serious about it. Artie really thinks that Jim was sincere yesterday. Benjy said he didn't think he was sincere at all. Steve said that he thinks that he was sincere and he wants anyone who sees the date going down should contact them.
Shuli thought that Robin was changing her mind and might go on that date. Robin said she already said she will go on the date with him. She said she's not going to have the news team following them around though.
Howard had Jon Hein give his show preview. Jon said they're going to talk to Ronnie about Lonnie leaving Scores and all of the other stuff that went on today. Howard thinks that Ronnie would have gone back to Scores if he had given him the OK.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he likes that Robin doesn't have a problem with letting her old E! show air on Howard TV where she walks off the show. He doesn't like that Fred would stop them from running the show where he walks off. Fred said he's not stopping them. He said they asked him if they could play it and he told them they could do what they want.
The caller asked Fred if he's tried to stop them from airing other shows. Fred said he has never done that and this caller is the Liar of the Week. `Howard let that guy go and had Jon continue his show preview. Jon ran down a few more subjects they'd be covering today. He mentioned Earthquake's visit and said they'll talk about Artie's manager and all of the shit he caught today. Artie said that he's actually a good guy.
Howard had Mutt from the Superfan Roundtable on the phone to give his show preview. Mutt said they're going to talk about the Maxim douche bags and about Robin's date among other things. Howard asked Mutt what's going on with Joey Boots and him. Mutt said that Joey gets a little crazy once in a while and he's not taking it personal. He said that he's accepting that because that's what happens when you hang out with the wack packers. He said they have High Pitch on the show tonight to celebrate his 10th anniversary with the show. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
High Pitch Eric called in and said that he found a place to live and he'll be starting his job next Monday. He asked if he could play a game or something. Howard didn't have any money for him but Artie said that he'd give him $200 of his own money if he could stump him. Eric tried but he wasn't able to stump him. Artie said that Eric should owe him $200 but he gave him another shot. Eric didn't have another question so he gave up.
Howard asked Gary if they had any money. Gary did so Howard told him that they could play some history with Sal and Eric. He wanted to put that off until Monday though. Howard let him go and went to pick up Nicole Bass. She had an update on her life so Howard picked up that call.
Howard asked Nicole how she's doing. She said that she's had a black cloud hanging over her head lately. She said that it's worse than being married to Scott the Engineer. She said that her husband had some heart attacks and they had a car accident last year. Their car was totaled and no one was hit. She said that there were two cars that were involved. Howard cut her off and said that he didn't have time to get through it. Nicole said that they couldn't afford to do a trial... Artie said that he was bored out of his fuckin' mind hearing this. Nicole was getting into every detail so Artie told her he'd give her $900 to shut the fuck up. Howard told her to call back in on Monday. Artie told her to call about 1 o'clock on Monday.
Nicole was asking for a loan but no one wanted to give her anything. Gary said that Nicole calls there a lot and she tells him her stories and she takes a long time to get to her point. Nicole said that she's been working web cam stuff. The guys told her that she should go out and do construction or something. Howard told her that she's a ''big guy'' and could do some construction. She said that she's actually up for a part in a movie with Mickey Rourke.
Nicole was trying to explain her story but Howard figured her husband had a heart attack when she showed her vagina to him. Artie said he was going to give Gary $200 and he wanted her to come down and pick it up. He just wanted her to shut up. He said it was mind numbingly dull. Gary said Jason talked to her yesterday and it took 30 minutes to get this one story out. She just kept telling her stories even though the guys didn't want to hear them. Howard told her that he had to move along and he'd talk to her on Monday.
Nicole said that she really needs $900 and that's why she was calling. Gary wanted to get something out of it and asked if she'd show them her vagina for the money. She won't do that. Artie said she must really love her husband if she won't do that to get the money. Howard said that maybe they could feel her vagina and describe it like it was brail.
the guys figured it was wrong to give all of these Wack Packers money because it would attract even more of them to ask for money.
Howard heard that Fred was out in the office having a conversation with Gambling Dan instead of being in the studio to do his sound effects. Fred came back a few seconds later and apologized, he just got wrapped up in the conversation. Howard said he'd rather be out there with Dan too. Fred said Dan was telling some interesting stories so he got into them.
Robin wrapped up and Artie got in a plug for the Comedy Central special he's hosting on August 24th. He said that he'll be hosting stuff between shows and then the world premiere of ''Beer League'' will be later on that night. Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard said Adam West is coming in today and he's thinking of becoming Fartman so he and Batman can call Iraq. They also have AC/DC coming in to perform. Next week they have Spice Girls Geri Halliwell coming in as well as Lisa Marie Presley and a few others.
Artie asked if he could have a beer during the AC/DC performance. Howard told him that's fine. Howard played some AC/DC to warm everybody up and Artie was singing along to ''Back in Black.'' Howard told him he was actually pretty good singing that song. Artie says they're one of his favorite bands of all time. He sang along to a couple of other songs too. Artie said he wanted to do ''Hell's Bells'' so Howard played that one. He also did ''Highway To Hell'' for them.
Robin suggested that The Losers cover one of those songs when they do the Battle of the Bands against wrestler Chris Jericho. Howard was calling Artie ''Artie/DC.'' Howard said they could go on tour as an AC/DC cover band. Artie had the vocals down and that's the hardest part. Howard suggested doing a 10 song set of AC/DC songs when they go out to Las Vegas. Robin thought they were nuts.
A listener called in a short time later and said he was trying to find a bridge abutment to drive into since Artie was singing. Howard played a few more songs and let Artie yell out the songs. Artie had Howard laughing pretty hard a couple of times.
Howard said he's not sure what he'd do in the band if they do cover the AC/DC songs. Howard said he might be able to play drums. He said they could go to some club out there in Vegas and perform for a few people. Robin said she hopes they actually do it. Howard wanted to rehearse some stuff but they don't have drums set up there. They have bongos so Howard asked for that instead. Artie said he'd like to play ''Dirty Deeds.'' Fred played guitar while Howard pounded on the bongo. Artie forgot the words and just started making noises until he came to the chorus. Howard said they could charge $100 a head at the club.
They tried a second song, ''Highway to Hell,'' and Artie remembered the words to that one. Howard was ready to go at that point. Scott the Engineer came in and asked Howard if he was being cut out of The Losers again. Howard told him that he was being cut. He was playing the bongos just fine. Howard said they can call themselves ''Hell's Bells'' instead of The Losers. Howard said they could play ''You Shook Me All Night Long'' as their closing song. Howard and Fred started to play the song but Artie forgot the first line. They started in the middle of the song instead so Artie could remember the words.
Howard decided to stop so they shouldn't give it all away for free on radio. Artie said a cool move would be to schedule a show and then cancel it because of throat problems. Howard said they just need a couple of hours worth of a sound check and they'd be set.
Howard took some phone calls after that and let some people goof on Artie. There were some people who thought he was pretty good too. Howard took a break a short time after that.
Howard said he's going to do the Fartman thing when Adam West comes in. He hopes that West will read the lines they wrote for him. Howard and the guys talked a little bit about Adam West and some of the stuff he's done since the Batman TV series. Gary said he liked the movie he did with Richard Belzer's wife which was soft core porn. That was ''Lady Chatterly's Lover.''
Howard said he was looking through the National Enquirer and saw a picture of Brigitte Nielsen who used to be married to Sylvester Stallone. Howard said that picture is an advertisement for not getting married. He said she looks really bad and there's no way she's only 37 years old. Robin saw the picture and let out an ''OHHHH!'' and said there's no way she's in her 30s. The guys said she looks like she's been partying hard for years. Howard said she looks like a crack addict or something even though she's not.
Howard read a story about Mr. Rogers and how he was still worried about kids in the Iraq war right up until he died. The guys said that he was a little too worried about kids. Artie said ''Start worrying about some adults...''
Howard said he thought President Bush did a great job talking about the reason we have to go to war against Iraq. He said he's very proud of our President after seeing that. He said Bush could drop all of this and leave it for our next President but he's actually doing something.
Howard said President Clinton ignored the terrorist threat and didn't do anything. Fred started playing a bunch of Michael Buffer ''Let's get ready to...'' clips while they were talking about that. Howard said he loves that guy.
Howard started preparing for his Fartman and Batman bit. He read a few lines and said it will probably go horribly.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if we're going to see Stuttering John fight Mr. X when they go out to Las Vegas. Howard said he's heard enough about that fight but he might have to cancel it. He said he really wants to see the fight but it isn't coming together. He said there are too many rules surrounding the fight.
Robin asked Howard if he was up in the air about the fight or what. She said her boyfriend Mr. X has been training for this fight and John would have had a good fight on his hands. She told Howard about some of the stuff he's been doing and how serious he's been about it. Howard said he really would like to see them fight. He said it's not impossible to make it happen but it's really tough.
Robin said Mr. X has been watching his diet and jogging as well as other stuff. She said he's been moving right along with his progress. Howard told Robin to give him until Monday to make it happen. He said it probably won't happen though. Robin said he's going to have to fight somebody after doing all of this training. Howard said we should drop him into Iraq or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jillian Barberie from ''Good Day'' stole the Gossip Game idea from Howard and did it on her show recently. Howard said he doesn't really care about that and he doesn't get that upset. He was about to talk about ''Are You Hot'' and how pissed he is about that show but he said he has a lawsuit going with them so he'd better not. Howard talked about some of the other bits he's had ripped off by people like Jay Leno. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said Adam also worked with the Three Stooges in one of their movies. He said it was probably in the Curly Joe Besser days though. Howard was waiting for West to get in there but Gary said he was busy reading reviews and fixing his hair. When he did show up Howard told him he doesn't look 74. He kept telling the guy to sit down but Adam just kept talking. West said that he doesn't feel 74. He finally found Robin in her booth after looking for her for a minute.
Howard went on to ask Adam about the whole Batman thing and asked him if it was a curse to be stuck in that role. West said he couldn't be any bigger and people smile at him wherever he goes. There was a time when he was upset about losing the Batman thing and rushed into a bunch of bad movies and that didn't include the soft core porn he did later.
Howard had to tell Adam to put on his headphones so he could hear Robin. Robin asked him which Three Stooges he worked with. He said it was Joe, Moe and Shemp. Howard told him he got the worst batch.
Howard heard that Adam changed all of the lines they gave him to read during the Fartman bit they were going to do. Adam asked Howard if his movie is still playing out there. Howard told him that's pretty much over. West said he's watched it a bunch of times and loves it. Howard told Adam some of the other stuff he's been up to with TV production and a couple of movies he has in production.
Howard told Adam what they were going to do with the Fartman thing. He played the Fartman intro and read his part of the script. Adam didn't stick to the script very well though. Howard talked about his farts and what they'd do to the people of Iraq. Adam overacted just as he did 30-some years ago on Batman.
Howard eventually dialed a number in Iraq so he could talk to someone there. Howard got a dead signal when he finally dialed the 20 digit long number. He said they tried that number all morning and it worked. Howard tried again but Batman figured they'd gotten jammed. Howard dialed the number again and gave it a half hearted attempt to goof on the guy who answered the phone. He told the guy he and Batman were coming to their country to liberate them. The guy who answered the phone stopped responding to him and hung up.
Howard decided to try another number. He told Batman he was a jinx. The two of them read through some of the lines they had written before someone came in and told Howard they had the hotel on the line. Howard picked up the phone and asked the woman if she knew who Fartman is. Howard, I mean Fartman, decided to turn off the echo on his voice but she still wasn't responding.
Gary came in a short time later and dialed the number again for Fartman. This time it was the number of a private citizen. Fartman got the same signal he got earlier with that number. Fartman asked Batman if he was still away at this point. He'd stopped talking by then. Howard bailed on the whole thing. He had Adam read a few more lines that they'd written and moved on to talk about that TV show Adam was in to promote.
Adam said they got a great screenwriter for the special. Howard cut him off and asked if they could call Iraq again. Howard asked Adam if he really is 74 years old. He said he is and his health is very good. Howard wondered how often he has sex these days. Adam wasn't giving a straight answer though. Howard asked him how old his wife is. Adam joked that she was 13. She's really 50. Howard said that he's a smart man marrying someone 24 years younger than him. Howard said ''So the Batpole still works?'' Adam just laughed and said ''Yes, it does Howard.''
Adam went on to talk about this CBS special for a couple of minutes. Adam said he plays himself in the show. He plays a ''fictionalized Adam West'' while Burt Ward plays the fictionalized Burt Ward. Gary came in and asked Adam how old his wife was when they got married. She was 19. Howard and the guys tried to figure out how old she was when they started banging. Howard said he bets that she was like 16.
Gary mentioned something about a deal Adam had for the Batman series and how he didn't get the money he was supposed to get. Adam said he'd rather not be an aging actor who goes around suing people so he just let it go.
Howard took some phone calls for Adam after that. A couple of people had some nice words to say about him. The ''slow adult'' that called in yesterday called in to ask Mr. West some questions. He was yelling into the phone as he talked about this stuff so Howard ended up hanging up on him. Julie Newmar appears in the special on Sunday night so Howard talked about her for a short time.
Howard asked Adam if he's going to be buried in a Batman outfit. He said he won't do that. Gary asked him if he's allowed to go around dressed in his old costume. Adam said they'd probably stop him from doing that.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Adam about this show of his. They also had some other questions for him about stuff they've heard about him. Adam's answers are so goofy sometimes you can't tell if he's telling the truth or not. Howard wrapped up the segment and took a commercial break after that.
Howard played a new Mr. Skin Minute from MrSkin.com. In the clip Mr. Skin talks about some new movies and the nude scenes that are featured in them. This week he talked about the movie ''The Weight of Water'' featuring Elizabeth Hurley. He said 24 minutes in she's laying naked on a boat. She takes an ice cube out of her mouth and slowly runs it down her naked body. He also had some news about the movie ''Monster'' which features Charlize Theron and Christina Ricci doing lesbian scenes that he hears are really hot.
Howard talked about AC/DC for a few minutes. Artie was singing along again. Howard wondered if the whole band was coming in. Gary told him they have Malcolm, Angus and Brian coming in to perform. Artie talked about the scene in ''Private Parts'' where AC/DC played and how great that was. Howard said when they play out in Vegas he wants to light off pyrotechnics. He said he wants to make sure they have a place where it's okay to do it though. He played a couple more AC/DC songs as Artie sang along at full volume. They were goofing around talking about how they'd probably blow holes in the ceiling of the club with the pyrotechnics. Howard said he can't wait for the band to get there so they can play along with them.
Howard took a call from a guy who says that Osama bin Laden was caught but they're no announcing it for some reason. Howard told him he wants some of whatever it is he's smoking.
Howard sent Fred off to Robin's booth and got ready for the game. He told John how to play and got right into the questions. He had one minute to answer seven questions. Here are the questions and correct answers:
Joey came in and said that it was a bit ''swampy'' down there by his balls. He asked Chris to give him a courtesy touch while he was in there. Joey told him that it wasn't gay. Howard told him he had to pull down Joey's pants and then take the quarters off. Gary interrupted and said the original idea was to have him reach in there and feel around for them. Chris wasn't too thrilled with that.
Howard told Chris he had to hurry up because they had to get the band in there. Chris reached in and tried to get the two quarters out pretty quick but it didn't work so he had to go in for a second time. Joey was laughing and yelling as he went in there. Chris managed to get both of the quarters and the tape out on his second try. Howard had the two of them sit in to watch the band after that.
When the band came in Brian shook Chris' hand after it had been down Joey Boots' pants. AC/DC is being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and they're re-releasing their music catalog so that's what they were in to promote. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to them about the Hall of Fame induction. Brian Johnson, Angus Young and Malcolm Young were all there. They said that they're not even sure what they get for being in this Hall of Fame. They said that The Police are also supposed to be inducted at the same time.
Howard brought up their music catalog re-release and asked the guys if they knew anything about what's up with that. Brian said he has no idea what the idea is behind that. The albums have been ''re-digitized'' according to Brian. He said he has no idea what that means though. Gary came in an short time later and said that the albums are ''linked'' so when you put them in your computer, you can go to their web site and stuff like that.
Howard told the guys that they were going to perform and then Artie/DC would play like they did earlier in the show. Brian had written lyrics for ''The Jack.'' That was the first song they performed. When they were done with that song Artie performed ''Dirty Deeds'' along with Howard and Fred. Fred's guitar wasn't on the mic so Howard asked him to get closer to it. He kept telling Fred to get his acoustic guitar but he just kept playing. He eventually got on mic but it was so loud that Howard told him to put it down and get the acoustic again. Fred finally listened to him and did that. They got back to playing the song after that.
Howard said the guys will be playing at Roseland in New York City on Tuesday night so he can't go see them. Howard wondered why they can't do it on a Friday. He also talked to them about their induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a minute. He asked them if there will be another album anytime soon. They said they may do one eventually.
Howard started to wrap up the segment but Artie had to sing some more. The guys in AC/DC started to play along with him but Howard asked them to play ''You Shook Me'' to end the segment. They did it but it was a little early to be singing so much. Brian had Artie sing the second verse because he couldn't quite remember it. He joined in and sang along with Artie for a minute. After the song Howard wrapped up the interview and went to commercial.
Howard said he didn't think the band knew the lyrics to their own songs. Artie knew them better. Howard said Brian gave him the lyric sheet he had for ''She's Got the Jack.'' The lyrics were apparently written for him. Howard said he felt uncomfortable playing in front of those guys. Howard said he should have stuck to acoustic instead of having Fred play electric. His guitar wasn't working but Fred kept trying to mess with it. Fred said he was trying to figure out what was wrong with it. Howard said Scott the Engineer should have come in to fix it. After talking about that for a couple of minutes Howard had Robin get to her news.
Robin went through her news stories and had the guys commenting on the stories she read. She read through a bunch of stories and then wrapped up. Howard ended the show around 9:40am (Master Tape Theatre time).