|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how everyone loves him these days. He said he's been on a whirlwind tour of every show except Jimmy Kimmel's. Jimmy was sitting in this morning. Howard said he'll be on Jimmy's show some other time when he's out in L.A.
Jimmy said he loves being there for the warm up of the show. He said he loves hearing him complaining about people complaining about him.
Howard said it's so annoying when they do that. Howard said that's all he's doing these days. Howard said he got a call from Simon Cowell and he loves the new show. He said he thinks he's spectacular. Howard said tonight is the big night for the show starting too. He said he's not sure what they're competing with. Jimmy said he thinks Dancing with the Stars is up against them. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said the Bachelorette is going to be up against them too. Howard said he didn't know that either.
Jon Hein came in and confirmed that they are up against Dancing with the Stars and with The Bachelorette in a couple of weeks.
Howard said it's good they're going up against Dancing with the Stars. He said it's been a really bad season from what he's heard. He said he hasn't watched the last two weeks. Jimmy said they're fresh out of stars at this point. Howard said the biggest star is Maria Menounos now. Howard talked about Melissa Gilbert being on the show and how they still call her Half Pint these days.
Jimmy asked if America does have talent. Howard said they did find talent for sure. Howard said they've said this is the best start up they've had for the show so far. Howard said the 48 they have are the strongest they've had. Jimmy asked if a 30 year old Jackie Martling appeared on the show, would he let him through. Howard said no. Jimmy laughed and said he wouldn't either.
Howard said he hired Jackie to be a writer on the show. He said he hired Ronnie to be a driver and look at him now. He's a big star. He has a TV show in the works too.
Jimmy said he'd like to know who ''they'' are when Ronnie says that they have a TV show in the works. He said he'd watch the show religiously if it actually did make it to the air. He said he thinks it's bullshit too though so he's split on that.
Howard said he knows a lot of people who signed on with Oprah's production company and none of their shows ever got on the air. Jimmy said he and Oprah are very dear friends now. Howard said he has a million things to ask Jimmy about today.
Howard said he's not sure that AGT is going to be the number one show for the night. Robin said they don't have great people on Dancing with the Stars so she thinks it will be big. Howard said he's not sure his parents will even watch AGT.
Jon said they moved AGT up two weeks to get into May sweeps. He said they think Howard is going to get big numbers.
Howard said Bill said he had to do this by law. Jimmy said he does not. Howard said he's been on a ton of TV shows and he's never had that before.
Gary said they were telling Howard they had a delay but told him not to depend on it. Howard said they don't have to do that.
Howard said he doesn't get why they'd start this show in the middle of another show's big finale. They spent a minute on that and got back to Jimmy.
Howard said he heard that Kathie Lee just figured she'd come up to him and say hi because he seems so nice. Howard said he shook one of the big guys at Comcast. He said that was Steve Burke. Howard said he shook his hand and then turned aroudn and Kathie Lee was there. She said she just wanted to say hello. Howard said he talked for a couple of seconds and that was it. He said they whisked him over to a couch and then he had to leave. He said it was very ballsy for Kathie Lee to come up to him. He said she's an older woman now and he's not even sure what she did wrong in the past. Robin said she made life seem so perfect. Howard said that's not even a bad thing. He said it's like ''How dare she have a good life?''
Howard said he came home and said to Beth that Kathie Lee did the right thing. He said he should have been the one to do it. He said she has more balls than he ever did. Howard said he ended up giving Kathie Lee a call at her house. He said he wanted to tell her how much he appreciated her coming up to him. He said he has no bad feelings toward her. Robin said this really is a different Howard Stern. She said she used to bring his enemies up to him just to see what happens. Howard said he still has enemies. He said he has Jay Leno and Don Imus.
Howard said he will never make up with Jay or Imus. Howard said there are people who actually did something to him in his career. He said he has never tried to undermine someone and that's why. Howard said he can't imagine wanting to be in a room with Leno. Howard said tonight they have an NBC party going on and he didn't want to go to begin with. He said he asked if Leno would be there and he won't but he's still not going.
Howard asked Jimmy if he has anything going on tonight. Jimmy said he has a rerun on tonight so he's not doing his show. He's in town for the upfronts.
Howard said he told Kathie Lee what was going on with him and how he's just an angry man. He said he doesn't have an explanation for why he went off on her in the past. Robin said he's become a softie because he was talking about how he felt bad for Ryan Seacrest. Howard said he's still going to bad mouth him. He said he did feel bad for him when Sacha Baron Cohen dumped the flour on him at the Oscar's. Jimmy said he can't imagine what it would have been like if he had dumped it on George Clooney. He said he thinks George may still want his career to be crushed. Jimmy said that wouldn't have made him happy either. He said it just makes you look like a dick.
Howard said he's a big fan of Sacha's but he didn't care about the dumping of the stuff on Ryan. Robin said she liked it and so did a lot of other people. Jimmy said he thinks about it and how weird it would be to have something like that happen to you. He said you don't know what's in that thing.
Jimmy said that he'd like to see Sacha dump something like that on Chuck Zito. Robin said she thinks that he would do it. Howard didn't think so.
Howard said the reason he would go off on Kathie Lee was because she was just annoying to him for some unknown reason. He said that he didn't ''hate'' her like he hates Leno.
Howard said he had a press conference last week and he did about 90 minutes of that. He said he spoke for 45 and then took questions for another 45. He said it was all fine. He said he had to do that because he had so many requests for interviews.
Howard said he had Bill Carter to his apartment and he asked him not to write about the apartment but Bill did it anyway. He said he loves Bill Carter because of his books. He said he's reading Warren Littlefield's book and that's very good too. Howard said he's intrigued. Howard said he has some corny stuff in the book about casting the show Cheers and Friends. Howard said they wanted Fred Dryer to be on Cheers instead of Ted Danson. Howard said he's quite pleased with the whole Bill Carter article.
Howard asked Jimmy about his show being moved. Jimmy said they moved it from 12:05 to 12:00. He said that was a big deal too. Howard said he thinks it's great to be on at Midnight. He said there's less pressure there. Howard said you can do your thing and have some fun. Jimmy said there are some advantages to it. Howard said it's a good life and they love him over at ABC. Howard said he spoke to Bob Iger about Jimmy and it sounds like they love him.
Howard asked Jimmy if he's run into Leno at all. Jimmy said he hasn't. He said he doesn't think he gets out much. He said Carolla sees him more than he does. Howard asked if he and Adam are still close. Jimmy said they don't talk much. He said they can go weeks without talking. He said they're still friends. Howard said that's the great thing about guy friends. He said you don't have to touch base every day.
Howard asked Jimmy about doing the White House Correspondents Dinner. He said that it's a big deal to goof on the President to the President's face. Jimmy said they gave him 3 months warning to do the show and he'd be fine with one month. He said that he'd rather not obsess for 3 months over it. Howard said it strikes him as peculiar that he'd be nervous doing that kind of thing.
Jimmy said it's different to do that kind of thing over his own show. He said that when you do that thing then the audience isn't your audience. He said half the people don't know who you are. He said they have 3000 people in the room talking and you can't curse and things like that. He said it's very structured.
Howard asked Jimmy about using a teleprompter and why they make you read off a piece of paper. Jimmy said you can wing it off the paper and not with a teleprompter. He said you can't skip stuff with a teleprompter. He said that it's not really a TV show either. He said it was on C-Span but they have just two cameras to shoot it with. Jimmy said what goes on in the room is more impressive than what you see on those cameras.
Howard said he knows Seth Meyers did it one year and he knows Imus did too. Jimmy said that it can go very badly. He said no one even asked to see his material. Howard asked if they said he was too harsh with some of his material. Jimmy said there was some. He said he figured right off the bat that the N-word was out. He said he had some jokes that he cut out. He said he ran some past this guy at ABC News and some other people. Howard asked why he didn't run it by him. Jimmy laughed and said he didn't want to waste his time. Howard said he did it on a plane one time. Jimmy said if Howard laughed at a joke there's no way he'd cut it. He said he'd have to use it.
Jimmy told Howard about his cousin Sal shoving his agent into the rose garden while they were getting a tour of the White House. He said that he knew that something was coming. Jimmy said they had a lot of speculation about what was going to happen at this thing.
Howard asked Jimmy about his girlfriend Molly and when he's going to propose to her. Jimmy said he wants to finish this story today. He said that she was going to come today but he didn't want her sitting in that green room for more than 4 minutes. He said if she did that she might get Chlamydia. Howard said he really likes Molly.
Jimmy told Howard about his parents being there and his kids being at the White House thing. Howard said he's amazed that Jimmy is friendly with his mother. He said she used to fuck aroudn with him when he was a kid. Jimmy said she would play dead until he cried. Howard said she used to make him kiss her feet and make her feel really great before she'd do anything for him. Jimmy said he doesn't do that to his kids but he does appreciate the humor. He said that she would only do the feet kissing thing in front of his friends. Howard asked why he would bring her to the White House if she treated him like that. Jimmy said it wasn't that bad. Howard said his father is on America's Got Talent. He said they will have him in the New York City auditions show.
Howard said it's not so funny for his mother to do something like that to Jimmy. Jimmy said it sounds worse than it was. He said the playing dead thing is even worse than it sounds though. He told Howard what it was like to have her telling him to get down on his knees to kiss her feet. He said that it's amazing he doesn't have some kind of weird foot fetish.
Howard asked Jimmy what's going on with him and Molly. Jimmy said he's been with her for 3 years now. Howard said he thought it was longer. Howard asked if he's in love. Jimmy said he is. He said he would like to have kids with her. Howard asked why he would want more kids. Jimmy said it's one of those things that's important to her. He said the reality is that having kids is fantastic. He said not having kids would be the most horrible thing. Howard said maybe they'll have them together and have play dates. Howard asked how old Jimmy is. Jimmy said he's 44. Howard said he can see him running around at 50 with the kids.
Howard asked if he has proposed. Jimmy said he hasn't. Jimmy said he spends a lot of time with his girlfriend at work. He said that he's the boss at work so it's kind of awkward. He said that it can be strange to be someone's boss and then go home and not be their boss.
Howard said if Jimmy had a huge fight with Molly, what is it like to go to work. Jimmy said they don't fight all that much. He said he's in a different building than they are. He said that she'll come by once or twice a day but most of it is through email. He said he can't touch her at work. He said they've never had sex at work. Jimmy said he's barely able to glance at her at work. Howard said that's because she needs the respect from him there at work.
Howard asked if Molly is religious. Jimmy said she does go to church. Howard said he finds that odd. He said Beth used to go to church but he stopped her from doing that. Howard said the truth is that she's not allowed in any church now that she's married to him.
Howard said he has a lot to talk about today. He said he has America's Got Talent going on tonight. He said that it's debuting tonight. He said the live shows start in July. He said the first live show is July 1st. Howard said they do two shows a week for 5 weeks and then they start the live shows. Howard said the show is so well done. He said he hopes a lot of people watch it. He said he sees the work they put into this show and it's amazing. Robin said they put that kind of work into all of these shows. Howard said they do not. Howard said he really has to take a break.
Jimmy is going to stick aroudn for another hour and then run over to co-host with Kelly Ripa. Howard asked what's going on with that show and why they're not getting a permanent host. Jimmy said they must be doing pretty well with the whole co-hosting thing. Howard asked Jimmy what he's been up to this weekend. Jimmy said he went to the Saturday Night Live after party and saw Artie over there. He said Will Ferrall hosted SNL. He said he went to bed at 5 and got up at 2 in the afternoon. He said he wasn't able to sleep at all last night. Jimmy said he'll probably nap this afternoon after Kelly's show. He said he won't be able to sleep tonight either.
Jimmy said the only thing he enjoys doing in show business is coming on Howard's show. He said he loves the show so much that he loves being on it.
Howard asked what his favorite thing on the show is right now. Jimmy said it's the Ronnie and Richard blow job thing. He said he hopes it doesn't fall to the wayside. He said he hopes they're able to make it happen. Howard said Ralph was saying that he'd do it for less money. He said he asked Ralph why he'd want to do something like that. Howard said it's not as funny if he does it instead of Ronnie. Jimmy said Ronnie getting a blow job is much funnier. Howard said he was talking to a friend about it and the person said that Ronnie will have no problem cumming from Richard. Howard said the person thinks that Ronnie is like a cave man when it comes to that kind of thing. Jimmy said you don't want to cum too quickly because then it might seem like you're way too into it. Jimmy asked why there's a rubber involved. Howard said the guys don't want to get any diseases.
Gary told Howard that the guys from Ashley Madison were saying that they are up for this whole thing. He said they're going to talk to Noel Biderman tomorrow about it. Howard said he really has to take a break. Gary told him that there's a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Richard talks about how he'll take a load to the face if necessary.
Howard played the clip and Richard was talking about how he knows they'd need proof that Ronnie finished and he's willing to take it to the face. Howard said no one was talking about the load to the face but Richard is the one pushing it. Robin said it seems like Richard is the one who needs the proof. Jimmy said it's one of those things where you sign up for the pay per view and then you start watching and wonder ''What the fuck am I doing?''
Richard came in and talked about the finishing thing. Howard asked why he's all red today. Richard said he was out in the sun and running over the weekend. Howard said he thinks he's tanning so he looks better for the blow job. Richard said he spoke to his parents yesterday and the topic didn't come up at all. He said he knows they know about it though.
Howard came back and sang along to the Foo Fighters for a short time. Jimmy said that really is one of the greatest songs ever. Howard said Jimmy is very busy today. He's going to go to the Kelly Ripa show today. Jimmy said it's a big change going from talking about Richard and Ronnie's blow job to talking about the teacher of the day.
Howard said he has a song, ''Real Niggas Don't Care About No Period,'' that JD found (YouTube) that's about how black people don't care about women's periods. Howard said he didn't think that black people were into that kind of thing. Jimmy said he's going to make that his wedding song if he ever gets married. Howard played some of the song and said he doesn't care about the period either. He said he just puts a towel down just like the guy sings in the song. Howard said when he wants to go he wants to go.
Howard said the song is by Young Real Nigga. He played bits and pieces of the song and said he'd like to go to his house and use his towels.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel is there today. He said they have a celebrity impression contest coming up. He said if you want to enter you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Howard said that he asked Jimmy to stay at his house but he was staying in town for Saturday Night Live. Howard said he thought there was something special going on but they were just going to see the show. Jimmy said Molly really wanted to see the show.
Howard asked if they watched it back stage at the show. Jimmy said they went and looked around after watching the show on TV in the back room. He said they don't really want to have people distracting them out on the stage. Howard said they might as well watch on TV then. Jimmy said they got to see them changing clothes and stuff.
Howard asked who was at the SNL party. Jimmy said they had Liam Neeson, John Hamm, Jack White and Artie Lange there. Howard said that sounds like a bad influence on Artie. Jimmy said that people were eating dinner and stuff. He said it was a restaurant kind of place. He said Artie seemed good to him. Howard said he never did that good aroudn bars though. He said he's glad he's doing well though.
Howard said he heard about Jimmy having a YouTube channel and it generates a million or two a year. Jimmy said it's more than that. He said ABC gets the money though. Jimmy said they have half a billion views on their YouTube channel.
Jimmy said that he thinks that it's not a great thing that they have all of that material on the web. He said they do it on their own so they can control what's up.
Howard asked Jimmy about being asked to host the Emmys and if he's less nervous about that than the White House thing. Jimmy said he is less nervous. He said at the Emmys he'll know almost everyone there and he knows how to go about doing it.
Howard asked Jimmy about doing his Oscar special movie and how he got everyone to appear in it. Jimmy said they had a ton of people in it. He said they had George Clooney, Merryl Streep and Jessica Alba in it. He said he doesn't make the calls to get them in it. He said they call their publicists and ask if they want to be in it. He said all they really have to say after they book a couple of big names is say that they're in it and they get more. Jimmy said they do that whole thing pretty quickly.
Howard asked if doing the Emmys is going to be hard because he has to goof on those people. Jimmy said he makes fun of those people every night on his show and there's always an angle there that he can work.
Howard said it's a great honor that ABC is asking Jimmy to do the Emmys. Jimmy said it really is. Howard said they've kept Jimmy hidden all these years.
Jimmy asked if they socialize after. Mariann said they had pizza. She said Howard is all over the papers today. Howard hung up on her and asked how much of that one can take.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was ripping into Mick Taylor too much on Jimmy Fallon. Howard said he's a huge fan of his. Howard said the guy left the Rolling Stones and that's all he asked about. The caller said it was too much. Howard said he was just busting balls. The caller said when he acts like a douche, he acts like a douche. Howard said he loves Mick but he was wondering why he left the band. The caller ended up calking Howard a douche a couple more times and then hung up.
Howard said the reason he's great is because he was helping Jimmy Fallon out talking to Mick. He said he was watching the rehearsal with Mick and he was really excited that he was there. Howard said they were making a big deal about Brooklyn Decker and she was dressed like a nun. Jimmy said she had no eyebrows either. He said some women do weird things when they're hot. Howard said he wasn't so excited about Brooklyn Decker but he was about Mick Taylor. He said he wasn't trying to offend the guy. He said Mike's impression didn't change at all the whole night so he's not sure how he felt.
Howard said he did the Today show the next morning and the shot of him sitting on Matt's lap and kissing him made the rounds on the internet. Robin said there was an article about the interview where they said that Matt wanted to end the interview when he brought up how they talk about who should be on the show and not on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked Howard on The View. Howard said he had a good time doing that. He said he always thought that Whoopi was angry at the guests all the time but it turns out she had questions for him and they talked after the show and she wants to come on this show. Howard said Whoopi asked Barbara why she took all of her questions and didn't let her ask anything.
Jimmy said that Barbara is mad at him for a joke he did about her. He said he did a joke about how 20 years ago a ''tweet'' was something that Barbara Walters gave her dog. He said she complained about it to the ABC guys. He said that she was upset that he was making fun of a disability.
Howard asked jimmy about having Herman Cain on the show shortly after the whole thing blew up with him. Jimmy said he got the feeling that the stuff that came out aroudn that time actually did happen. Howard played some of that 'Real Niggas Don't Care About No Period' song saying it was Herman Cain.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved Jimmy's jokes about Obama's ears and stuff. Jimmy said that some people were upset that he did that. He said if you have the opportunity to make fun of someone then you do it.
Howard asked if it's true that Jimmy is making $8 million a year now. Jimmy said he's not making that kind of money. He said he wishes he was. He said if people are going to think he should make that much then he should make that much.
Howard said Leno has this weird thing about how much he makes. Jimmy said he thinks he's making about $30 million a year.
Howard asked Jimmy if the money thing irks him. Jimmy said it really doesn't. Howard said Jimmy is always at work. Jimmy said that is true. Howard said his show is great and all of that work is reflected in it. Howard asked if he's upset that Jay is making as much as he is. Jimmy said he's really not. He said that he worked a lot of years to get to that point.
Howard asked how much money his show generates for ABC. Jimmy said it's about $80 million. Howard said he should get about 10 percent of that so he should be making $8 million. Jimmy said maybe he'll talk about that when he's up for contract renewal this year. Jimmy said that he's fine with the money he's making there. He said he likes working there and if it's still going fine at the end of his contract then he'll stay.
Howard asked Jimmy if he knows what the other guys in late night are making. Jimmy said he really doesn't. He said no one even knows what he makes so he doesn't trust what they say they make. Howard said his agent must know. He asked who the highest paid guy is out of Fallon, Conan and Ferguson. Jimmy said he thinks that Conan is the big one. He said he really has no idea. Howard asked what Fallon is making. Jimmy said he may not be making that much. Robin said Carson Daly must be paying them to work.
Howard said that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert must be in that group too. Howard asked what he thinks Stewart makes. Jimmy said he's guessing $12-15 million. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard said that's good for Jon if that's true. Jimmy said he's just guessing of course.
Jimmy said he saw that he had two different donut makers on his list. He got him both of them. Howard asked if Eric makes donuts. Eric said he hasn't yet but he wants to. Jimmy asked why he would register for two different makers. Eric said he thinks when he put one on the list the second one was suggested.
Howard asked Jimmy if he went to see Eric at The Viper Room. Jimmy said he did not but Eric did come by the show. Jimmy said he sent Eric a few other things from his wish list. He said everyone should send that stuff to him. Howard asked what the biggest item is on the list. Jimmy said there are a lot of things that are available for free on the web. He said he thinks that Eric should pare that list down a little bit. He said he should narrow it down to the stuff he really wants.
Howard and Fred did their impressions of Eric talking about why he has ''Walker, Texas Ranger'' on his wish list. Howard said he really has to move along because he has limited time with him. Jimmy said he'd love to see pictures of Eric posing with his donuts.
Jimmy said he wanted to send Eric some stuff he thought he'd like but they don't allow that on Amazon. He said you have to have his address. Howard asked what it was he wanted to send. Jimmy said that it was some small shoes and stuff.
The Howard TV guys has the wish list up on the screen so Howard went though some of the stuff. Howard said he shouldn't have hung up on him. He said that was a mistake. He had some candy, some toy train stuff and a soft pretzel maker. Jimmy said he's not sure if he should buy him trains and stuff. He said he likes to imagine him making donuts like he's a Keebler elf.
Howard got Eric back on the phone and asked if he has a train set. Eric said he doesn't yet. Jimmy said he has to start with the right stuff. Eric said he has everything on the list. He said he got into trains because his dad had them when he was a kid. Howard said Eric is like 37 years old now. Eric said he knows that. Jimmy asked if it's a hobby or for transportation.
Howard asked Eric what the one item is that he really wants that he hasn't gotten yet. Jimmy said there's too much to go through. Howard asked him for one thing. Eric said it's hard to think of just one thing off the top of his head. Jimmy told him to call in with that information next time and he'll find out about it. Howard hung up on Eric after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who was talking about how great that press conference was that Howard did last week. Howard spent a minute talking to the woman about that and his appearance on The View. Howard said he was thinking about how he has no idea what they'll be showing tonight on the show. He said that Simon was telling him that the show is great though.
Howard said the other thing that's weird is that they picked up on what he said about Britney Spears. He said he was saying that it's a great get for the X Factor because people will tune in to look at her. Howard said he's sure she won't be a good judge but she'll be fun to watch. Howard said her fans were blasting her after he made those comments. Howard said it just came out the wrong way when he said what he said about her.
Howard said he wants to stay up and watch the show tonight. He said he's looking forward to it. He said he's not thrilled that it's against Dancing with the Stars though. Jimmy said they make too much about the first show anyway.
Howard said he knows Jimmy has to go but he has Eric back on the phone. Eric said he just wanted to thank Jimmy for tweeting about his app. Jimmy said he doesn't remember what he's talking about. Robin said he's talking about that app he has out. Jimmy remembered then. Howard let Eric go and Jimmy said he really has to get going. He's on his way over to co-host with Kelly Ripa this morning.
Howard wrapped up with Jimmy and said he loves him. He said next time he's in L.A. he's going to do his show in person. Jimmy said he hopes that Robin can find it in her heart to forgive Kathie Lee like Howard has. Robin said this stuff happens back stage so she's not sure what's really going on. Howard said Kathie Lee told him about what was going on in her life and they had a long conversation about what's going on in their lives. Howard said he didn't ask about Frank though. He said he's not sure that Frank forgives him. He might not. Howard gave Jimmy a plug for his TV show that's on at Midnight now. Jimmy said he's working one minute at a time. They went to break a short time later.
During the break Howard came back and said he forgot to talk about how Beth is staying at Jimmy's house this week. They spent a minute talking about how much Beth and Molly love each other. Jimmy said that he was asking what they were going to do with her and Molly said that they're going to do a girl's night out. Howard said Beth is going to be on Jimmy's show out there this week. Jimmy said it's either Wednesday or Thursday. Howard thanked him for doing that for her. She's out promoting her Mom Caves show. Howard let Jimmy go and finished up his commercial break.
Howard came back and said that Robin called him yesterday saying she wasn't feeling so well. He said that he got very upset about it. He said she had a horrible thing going on. Robin said that Howard told her what to do and she appreciated that. Howard said he had to call Don about it. He said it didn't sound right to him. Howard said it was her 5th abortion in 2 weeks. Howard said Fred keeps knocking her up. Howard said that she should tell the real story.
Robin said she's wearing a catheter. Robin said when you see her she's peeing. She said it's constantly going and she has a leg bag on. Howard said he can't believe what's going on. Howard said he can't believe that she's doing this on the day that his TV show is debuting.
Howard said Robin was going to go to a wedding and she found she was unable to pee. She ignored it thinking everything was fine. Then she wasn't able to pee and it became very uncomfortable. Howard asked if her belly was filling up. She said that she could feel it. She said she was driving to get medical help. Robin said she figured she'd either die from it or get it resolved. She said she had to go to an emergency room. She said this urgent care place gave her the catheter. She said that there was so much in there that it took a while to get it out.
Robin said her blood pressure was really high. She said it was like 180 over 110. She said her system was really stressed out. The blood pressure dropped as soon as it came out.
Howard asked what happened next. Robin said they thought she'd be okay but she still wasn't able to pee. Robin said she has the bag on and she has to empty it. She said that the catheter goes right into the bladder and the bag fills up as she's sitting there. Howard asked to see the bag. Robin said she's not sure if there's anything in it. She felt it and said it does have some in it.
Howard asked why she wants to get that fixed. He said it sounds like a good idea. Robin said it's an unnatural thing. Howard said he'd like to do a photo shoot with her nude just wearing the bag. Robin said that won't be happening.
Howard said Robin wasn't able to pee again so she had to go to the hospital again. Howard said Robin called him for a doctor recommendation. Robin said she went to the first place and she was a wreck. She said she got some relief and the doctor was very professional. She said that he told her what it could be and how it can be really bad. She said it could be cancer. She said she doesn't know that she has cancer but it could be. Howard did his impression of his parents hearing this and freaking out about it.
Robin said that they found a mass in there and it's pressing on her bladder. Howard said he's going to quit radio if she can't do the show with him. Howard said she can't have cancer. He said he's quitting if she doesn't do the show. Howard said he doesn't want to do it without her unless they double his salary.
Robin said she was a wreck going in there. She said she must have been a horrible human being. She said that everyone there liked her much better when she calmed down. Robin said the doctor told her that he's a really big fan. She said that he didn't do the catheter or anything but she was a wreck and not in a good mood. She said that she thought she had gotten away with it without being recognized.
Howard asked what it could be. Robin said it could be a uterine fibroid. Howard said that's what it must be. Robin said she has had some fibroids before. Howard said he hopes that's all it is. Howard asked Fred if he thinks it's cancer. Fred said he's not going there. He said it's got to be a fibroid.
Howard asked how big this thing is. Robin said it's 13 centimeters. Howard said his shoe size is 13 so it must be huge. Robin said she thinks it's a bit smaller.
Robin said she had to go to another hospital because it came back. She said it's just crazy. Howard said he has to pray for her. He started to pray right then. Howard asked Jesus and everyone else to save his Robin's life so he doesn't have to do the show alone.
Robin said she had to get on a plane and she went through the metal detector and it kept beeping. She said that she had to tell the woman that she had a leg bag on.
Gary came in and said that they have Mark McGrath there. Howard said they have to get to him next. Howard said he told Robin about their agent who is a hypochondriac and he set her up with one of the top doctors out there. Howard said Robin is going to go see him and she's going to get that thing out today. Howard said it'll be fine. Howard said Robin will be fine. She gets these fibroids and it'll be fine. Howard said he doesn't want to hear any negativity about it.
Art told Howard that he ran into Whitney Cummings today at a coffee shop and she told him to give Howard her best. Howard was trying to set up their guitars while that was going on.
Howard said that Mark is in the band Sugar Ray and Art is in Everclear. They're going out on tour together. He asked what that's about. Mark said they decided to put some bands from the 90s together and go out on tour. He said they have Sugar Ray, Gin Blossoms, Everclear, Marcy Playground and Lit on the tour.
Howard asked who the headliner is. Art told Howard that the headliners are the songs. Howard said that's bullshit. Mark said that it's Everclear that's the headliner. Howard said Art should crow about his success and say that he's better than Sugar Ray. Art said that's just not true.
Howard said Art has been through a lot of stuff. He said he admires what he's gotten through. Howard said Art is the band. He said he's fired a lot of people. Art said that's right. He said firing people isn't easy.
Howard said he's going to remind people about how bad Art's life was. Howard said Art's father walked out on them when he was 6 years old. Howard said his father would move from state to state finding the states that don't allow child support. He went from Texas to Florida. Howard said Art's brother died from drugs when Art was just 12. Howard said that kind of stuff isn't easy to get over. Art tried to kill himself when he was young too. He filled his pockets with sand and fishing weights and jumped off a pier. Art said he was high at the time too.
Howard asked Art how he gets trough this and moves on. Art said he has known what he wanted to be since he was 4. He said he didn't want to be a rock star, he just wanted to play in a band and make a living. Mark said the rock star thing is over now. He said they don't make rock stars anymore. Howard said the 90s were it for that.
Howard asked how many albums Sugar Ray and Everclear sold. They both said that they sold 10 million. Howard asked Art if he pissed it all away. Art said he gave it to his ex-wife actually.
Art told Howard that he was sexually abused when he was a kid. He said it was by other kids. He said that he was told not to go out or into anyone else's house. He said that he didn't listen and he got abused because of it. He said he was raped repeatedly. He said that led to a lot of stuff. Art said he didn't have a man around to help him so he had to learn on his own.
Howard said a lot of guys think that they did something wrong. He asked Art if he thought that. Art said he thought he didn't do what his mom told him to do. He lied to his mom. He said it didn't keep going on though. It was one time that he was repeatedly raped. He said he never even told his mom about it. He said she would have taken the blame when it really was his own fault for not listening to her.
Art told Howard that he had to go through the 12 steps and he was never able to go to those guys. He said he feels that he has to go through those 12 steps again. Art said he used sex as a drug for a while.
Howard asked Mark if he's ever been cheated on. Mark said he has. He said that for 18 years he's been seeing the same girl and they had their issues. Howard said Mark cheated on her. Mark said it went both ways. He said that it feels like shit but they're in a great place now. Howard asked how long ago he had sex with someone else. Mark said it was a long time ago. Mark said she won't marry him because she's on some kind of power trip. He said that he likes his life kind of boring the way it is now though.
Howard asked Art when he got fame from the band Everclear. Art said he was 30 when he signed and then they got big when he was 35. Howard asked what song it was that hit big for them. Art said it was ''Santa Monica.'' Howard asked him to sing some of that for them. Art did that with a little help from Mark. They sang a bit of that song for a minute.
Mark said that song really is great. He said that ''Wonderful'' and ''Father of Mine'' are great too. Howard said that the ''Father of Mine'' is about his father not paying child support. They spent a minute talking about that and then Howard asked Art to sing a little bit of ''Father of Mine.'' Art sang that for a minute.
After the song Art told Howard about playing the song for some people who ended up balling hearing it. He said that people would either love it or hate it. Howard asked if he thinks that's what inspired his dad to get in touch with him. Art said he got his closure from that song. He said he has learned a lot in the last few years and he thinks that he'll have his moment with his father. He said he'd probably go to his dad's funeral when he dies. He said his mom got terminal cancer and his dad called and said he's not sure why he's so mad at him. He asked what he could do to make it better. He said that he could make it better by calling his mom and tell her the truth about what he did. He told him to be a man. He said he told him if he could do that he could start to forgive him. He said he never called her. Mark said that's basically his closure right there.
Art said he did call his dad to wish him a happy birthday when he turned 90. Howard said that's a tough life. Art said his dad went and married another woman who had two kids. He raised those kids. Art said that he was never faithful to anyone when he was married until now. He said that he had a pretty rough life and he still wants that picket fence. He said we all want that. It's the American dream. He said he's got it now.
Howard asked Art about how he had to sell off his catalog. Art said he did have to sell it for about $600,000. He said that he had to pay off the IRS for back taxes. He said he had people who weren't paying stuff with his money. He said he got fucked over. Art said he was 7 million in debt at one point and now he's only like 120,000 in debt.
Howard said he should give these guys some plugs. He said they sound kind of hard up right now. Howard said it's kind of sad. Mark said Howard always does that. He puts everyone down like that. Mark said Howard has forgotten all about him. He said he use to be kind of close but not anymore. Howard said he loves Mark.
Howard said he asked Mark and Art to cover a song for them. Mark said it's actually Rod who he did it with. Howard said they played that Jacking Off song by that high school kid. Howard said everyone loved it. Howard played some of the song. He said he asked Mark if he could make it a halfway decent song like he did with Psychadelic Bee.
Mark and Rod went into their version of the ''Jacking Off To You Girl'' song. They had Robin laughing. Howard said Robin's piss bag just overflowed. Howard said that was fantastic. Mark said they spent 3 hours recording that song one afternoon.
Howard asked Mark if it was hard to sing. Mark said it's fun to sing. He said he loves it. Howard said he loves it too. Mark said his dream is that it ends up in a best of moment some day. Howard said he's sure it will. Howard gave them some plugs for their upcoming tour and said you can find out more at SummerlandTour.net
Mark said that it should be a ball. He said they wanted to have some of the big hit songs of the 90s and that's how they're doing it. Mark talked about the songs and the bands that they have in the tour. Howard asked Art to sing ''Heroin Girl'' so Art did that quickly. Howard asked if he wrote that while he was on heroin and if that's the hardest drug to get off of. Art said that and sex are hard to give up.
Howard asked Art if he was offered to be the new front man in The Cars. Art said he was. Mark didn't even know that. Howard said he knows everything about Art. Howard asked how that all came about. Art said he met some of the guys from the band and he wanted to write songs with them. He said he wasn't going to be the singer of The Cars though. He said Ric Ocasek is the singer of that band. He said that he loves The Cars and he didn't want to leave Everclear and dis Ric by becoming the lead singer.
Howard asked Art about being a John Edwards supporter. Art said he wasn't a big supporter. He said that he saw some strange things going on there. He said that he's glad that John didn't bang his ex-wife when he took her out on tour.
Howard asked Mark why they don't see his kids in Us Magazine like all of the other kids. Mark said he doesn't bring them to the park where all of the celebrities bring their kids to get their photographs taken. He said that it's a whole set up out there.
Mark congratulated Howard on the whole AGT thing and wished him luck. Howard said he hopes people enjoy it. He said it's been a fun experience. He said he thought it would be fun for his fans to see him in this new environment. Howard said the show goes live in July and it's going to be interesting. Mark said that the haters are going to love him when they see him on this show. Howard said he is a tough judge but he's fair. Mark said he really is a wonderful guy.
Howard gave the guys some more plugs for their tour. He mentioned a few dates they have coming up and gave out the web site again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his sister was one of Art's stalkers. Howard thought he was talking about him because he didn't hear Art's name. The caller said that his sister got on the phone with Art and he flirted with her for a while. He said he didn't bang her though. Howard asked what kind of story that is. He hung up on the guy.
Howard asked Art if he beats off a lot. Art said he gets harder thinking about his wife now than he ever did before. Mark said they all love their wives but they think about other chicks when they whack off. Howard said of course you do that.
Howard asked Art about his celebrity conquests. Art said he doesn't talk about that. Howard said he has a list right there. Oprah was on the top of it. Howard was just joking of course. Art said there was moments when he was with stars but it turns out all people are the same no matter who they are. Mark said they're all pink on the inside.
Howard asked how big the guys are in their pants. Howard said he measures from the back of his neck. He said he measures from the taint.
Howard had Mark and the guys perform some of Sugar Ray's ''Fly'' before they wrapped up. After doing some of that song Howard asked how long that took to write. Mark said it took quite a while actually. He said they were very lucky to have that song. He said that it was a big hit for them. Mark said that they were very fortunate.
Howard thanked Rodney for playing guitar and doing harmonies. Howard asked Art how he says his last name. Art said it's pronounced ''Alex-Saw-Kiss.'' Howard gave them some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he used to have women on the show who claimed they dated Ryan and they'd tell him stories about dating and how he'd never have sex with them. Ryan said he had to find the right one. He said he found the perfect girlfriend. Howard said he got that girl Julianne Hough. Howard said he thought he was going to propose to her on the show the other night. Ryan said there was a moment when he thought he might do that too.
Howard asked Ryan how long he's been with Julianne Hough. Ryan said it's been 2 years. Howard asked if he's living with her and having sex with her. Ryan said he is and they do have great sex.
Ryan said there are some words used to describe Howard lately. Ryan said they are sweet, sensitive, gracious and sincere. Howard said that's what he is. He said that he told the NBC people that he'd be a good judge. Howard said they're not being tough enough on American Idol. He said Ryan must know that.
Howard said he has told Howie Mandel and Sharon Osbourne that he's the deciding factor there on the show. He said his whole attempt with the show was to go on this show that he loved. Ryan said he's addicted to The Bachelor too so he knows what Howard is like. Howard said his TiVo thinks he's a 30 year old woman based on what he watches. Howard said he loves America's Got Talent and he was thrilled to get the job on the show. Howard said he's going to do this because he loves the show and he's hoping to do a great job.
Ryan asked if he's doing the show to be more relevant. Howard said he really wanted to go and hide and slow down in his career. Howard said he has no regrets about going to satellite. Howard said he likes his audience there and he wasn't looking for a paycheck or more notoriety. He though it would be fun to be on the show.
Ryan asked Howard about the young child that he made cry on AGT. Howard said he felt awful about it after he made the kid cry by hitting his X that night. Howard said he walked up on stage and hugged the kid and started banging his head on the floor. Howard said he put the kid through to the next round. Ryan said that makes them all feel better. Howard said he isn't a monster. He said he will be critical of a performance though.
Howard said if you're not honest with the contestants then it's a disservice to them. Howard said if you're a guy on one of these shows you haven't become a big star yet. He said there is something wrong if you're not a big star. Howard said if you can tell them what the problem is then it will help. Howard said his father was in the audience once and he had him come on stage to yell at one guy.
Ryan asked if Howard still seeks parental approval. Howard said that's one of the tings that drives him. Ryan asked Robin if Howard has changed at all since he started doing this show. Robin said he hasn't really. She said that he would yell at Howie and Sharon even when he wasn't one of the judges. She said that he's just on the show live to do that now.
Howard said when they were doing the shows he would survey the audience to ask if they find him to be the judge they agree with the most. He said they all think that he is.
Ryan said they asked the producers of the show what would happen when they did the tapings and they said that Howard got the screams from the women and the men.
Howard asked Ryan why he didn't go to Dick Clark's funeral. Ryan said he was doing the American Idol live show so he wasn't able to go. He said that Dick's wife was fine with it.
Ryan asked if Howard admired anyone like Dick when he was growing up. Howard said he had idols like Soupy Sales. Howard asked if Dick will continue to do the New Year's Eve thing. Ryan said it will always be Dick's show.
Howard said he had Sacha Baron Cohen on the show and he told him that he felt bad for Ryan when he dumped that stuff on him at the Oscars. Robin said it was a very funny thing. Ryan said he was surprised when it happened. He said he wasn't really upset. He said noting really upsets him when he's on the air. He said he isn't bothered with that kind of stuff.
Howard asked Ryan what kind of money he's making. He said he has so much going on. He's made some new deals lately and he's got his production company and tons of other stuff. Ryan said he has to sit down with Howard and talk about this manicure thing.
Howard said his wife would complain about his nails being too sharp when they had sex. He said he went to get a manicure with her one day and he had it done and now he goes every week. Ryan said it's great. Howard said he doesn't do the shiny buff anymore. Howard said it's too shiny.
Ryan said he does get his eyebrows plucked. Robin said there are some who let it get out of control. Howard said Baba Booey is like that.
Howard said America's Got Talent is doing a lot of promotion for the show and he walked into the Salon and one woman said that she saw him on TV. He said this must be having some kind of impact on people.
Ryan gave Howard a plug for tonight's America's Got Talent which starts tonight. Robin said Ryan knows what this is like because he was on American Idol after being on a local radio station. Ryan said he still is that guy. He said the impact of prime time TV is significant.
Howard said he thinks that Ryan's girlfriend is so hot. Ryan told Howard about what he was thinking when he heard about him being the judge on AGT. He said he thinks it's a good idea but part of him thought it wasn't a good idea. He asked Howard how long he's going to do it. Howard said he's going to see how it goes this year and take it from there. Howard said he signed for just one year. Howard said he's having a great time doing the show.
Ryan's co-host told Howard he should show his eyes and take off those sunglasses. Howard said his eyes are blue.
Ryan told Howard he saw some of the back stage stuff on AGT and he saw him freak out in the elevator. Howard said he really did freak out and pushed Howie Mandel's mother out of the way to get out of the elevator. Ryan said he had to take a break. Ryan gave Howard another plug for AGT and went to break.
Howard said that wasn't so bad. He said he's hoping that some people think that about him and they'll tune in tonight. Robin said there was a woman on The View in the audience who didn't get up and clap like everyone else in the audience. Robin said the camera lingered on her for a little while too. Howard said it can take some time for people to come around.
Robin said Howard charmed all of the women on The View panel. Howard said they were all fingering themselves by the end of that thing. Robin said she liked it when he told Sheri Sheppard that he thinks the earth is flat like she did at one point.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening 25 years and he has nothing to worry about with his ratings today. He said he thinks that they're going to blow it up tonight. He said he thinks the ratings will be double everyone else's. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said it might take a couple of weeks to ramp up.
Gary asked Howard about Whoopi on The View and if she was upset with Howard. Howard said he addressed that earlier. Howard said she wasn't upset with him at all. Howard said she was cool with him. She was upset about her questions being taken by Barbara Walters. Gary said that whole thing was really good. He said they loved Howard by the end of that. Howard said his mom liked the Jimmy Fallon appearance the best out of the bunch of shows he did. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard said Riley Martin threw up on his show last week. Howard said he does deserve a raise. He said the guy was vomiting during his show.
Howard said he's taping The Talk today with Beth. He said that will air on Wednesday. He said that makes no sense since America's Got Talent is on tonight and tomorrow. Howard said tonight it's on at 8 and tomorrow at 9. He said The Talk will be on Wednesday.
Howard played audio of Riley vomiting on his show. He was in the middle of a sentence and he started to gurgle. He caught himself a couple of times but he was still struggling. He kept going with the show and kept answering questions that he was being asked. Riley asked to go to another commercial and then he just puked. Robin said she could hear it coming and then the splatter.
Howard said Riley came back and apologized after the commercials. Howard played that clip too. Riley said he wasn't feeling very well and apologized for that. He gave some shout outs to his fans. Howard said he finally got a 2 hour show and he was only able to make it through one hour.
Howard asked who is listening to that show. He said he's never heard a line of horse shit like that. Howard did his impression of Riley rambling on and on about the aliens. Howard asked what's wrong with him for wanting to keep that on the air. Howard said he must be afraid of missing a good show.
Howard said Howard 100 News covered Gary's colonoscopy and they got him right after he came out. He played the audio and Gary was wasted talking about being knocked out by Propofol. Gary said he gets why Michael Jackson liked it so much. Jon Leiberman was asking Gary and his doctor some questions about the colonoscopy and the endoscopy. They got Gary from both ends. Gary said it was different tubes. Gary said they think that it may have been acid reflux that did damage to him and that's why he clears his throat.
Gary said he didn't remember that interview with Jon at all. He said hie thought his wife was his gardener when they asked him who she was.
Howard said he thinks that people are going to like it. Ralph asked if getting that report card of ratings is going to be weird again. Howard said he feels like the show is going to do fine but maybe not even tonight. Howard said the rest of the country isn't going to be into it like his audience is. Gary said that the audience is going to come. Howard said they're up against Dancing with the Stars and stuff like that. He said that as the show builds he thinks it'll get better and better.
Ralph said he thinks that a lot of people in Howard's audience are going to tune in for the curiosity factor. He said that they have a new Spider-Man trailer premiering during the show too. Howard said in that case they may win. Howard said he didn't know about that trailer. He said it's game over then.
Howard said he AGT is great this year and he hopes that people get into it. Ralph said he thinks they have a nice mix of talent this season. He said it's a fun show. Robin said she was never into the show before but she had fun at the tapings. She said she had a lot of fun at one and she stuck aroudn for the second one.
Ralph said the one thing that doesn't come across is how loud the X buzzer is. Howard said his parents had no idea what those were. He said that he loves hitting that button. He said the whole set closes down when they all hit their buzzer. He said he loves that too.
Robin said she likes it when someone gets all three buzzers and they walk off before they're told how bad they are. Then they get called back to get told just why they got the buzzer. Howard said he's looking forward to this thing.
Ralph said his mom was upset with Barbara Walters and what she did asking Howard about his lawsuit. Howard said he wanted to change the subject to talk about Whoopi dating Ted Danson. Howard said Elisabeth looked so hot. Ralph said she odes look really hot in person. He said you can almost put up with her political views when you see her in person. Ralph said Sheri looked good in person too. Howard said that's why he got in her lap and started making out with her. He said she digs him because he thinks the earth is flat too. Howard said he's sending her a Sirius radio as a gift.
Ralph said that Brooklyn Decker was looking for Howard after he left. Howard said she could have dressed hotter. He said he saw her on the show that night. Howard said no one cares what she's talking about. He said she had more clothes on than the Taliban. Ralph said someone with her was asking where Howard was. Howard said all of the guys were worked up over that Giada De Laurentis. He said he did say hi to her there. He said he had her to the house once and didn't remember that. He said that someone had to remind him of that. Howard said she had dinner at his home and he didn't remember that. Howard said he told Beth that he only has eyes for her so that's what his excuse was for not remembering Giada. Howard said it is embarrassing at times not to remember people.
Howard said he had 3 couples at the house that time that Giada was over. Howard said the other was a friend who had been over a million times. Giada was the only stranger there that night.
Ralph said he thinks people are going to love this show. Howard said he was asked to go to that NBC party tonight but he's going to be watching AGT instead. Howard said he wanted to see the show ahead of time but they didn't let him see it. He figured they didn't want him complaining about the way they cut it. He did a live commercial after that.
Howard asked Robin what she had in the news. Robin said that Facebook is about to go public and she was reading about how Mark Zuckerberg is only 28 years old. Howard said he hates him because he's so successful. Howard said there are 50 year old guys unable to make 20 grand a year and this guy is rich.
Robin said that Howard Stern is in the news. She read about how he's stirring things up for NBC. Robin read what they had in the AP wire. Robin said the 2 hour season premiere starts at 8pm on NBC.
Robin said that more and more guys are coming out about John Travolta. Howard said if he was a masseur and someone asked him to give him a tug he'd walk out of the room. He said he's not sure why these guys stick around. Howard said he'd never let a man touch him in a massage. He said he doesn't even want a man touching his hair. Howard said he's not going for that at all.
Howard asked Richard if he had a guy rubbing his ass and balls once. Richard said he did. He said the guy was rubbing his butt and that led to him hitting his balls. He said he didn't get hard at all. Howard said he's a liar. Howard said the stink on that guy's hands must have been awful since Richard doesn't shower. Robin said a lot of people are coming forward with stories about Travolta and they're very similar according to the lawyers. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about President Obama's stance on gay marriage and how that's been a big story this weekend. Robin had some details about that and also had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about same sex marriage.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if Robin's pee bag is going to stop her from having anal. Howard didn't think so. Howard said he finds himself kind of jealous because she doesn't have to get up to pee. Mark asked if it's tied to her leg at night. Robin said of course it is. Howard said she didn't even know that she had to pee. Howard said he gets up in the middle of the night to pee. Robin didn't have to do that last night. Howard asked if she could get a bigger bag so she doesn't have to change it for like a week. Robin asked why she would do that. Howard asked how big the bag is. Robin said it's not very large. Howard said that's what Richard should do instead of wearing a diaper.
Mark asked who is taking care of Bianca while Beth is away. Howard said he's taking care of her. Howard said Beth has bags of food for the dog and things like that. He said he just administers the stuff. Howard said he has people aroudn to watch the dog during the day. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read about a surgery that was done about Obama's gay marriage stance. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that. Howard said he doesn't get why anyone would care about gay people getting married. He said that some people like Michelle Bachman are so loony when it comes to that. Howard said she was going on and on about the bible and she's quoting it. He said the bible wasn't written by God, it was written by a man. Howard said a guy wrote it. Robin said in the bible they say it's not bad to have slaves. Howard said you can own animals too. He said we need to do away with this nonsense. He said gay people have the right to be happy too.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she had a problem with her urethra with a kidney stone stuck in it. Howard said Robin has a mass in there. Mariann said that they're all thinking about her. Mariann said that what bothered her is that the fans weren't able to get into The View. Howard said there are people who go to The View who wait for months to get in there. Mariann said she's given up all other realty shows and she's only going to watch AGT. She started go filibuster again so Howard hung up on her.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he was at the Jimmy Fallon show. He said they didn't show one of the songs that Mick Taylor performed. Howard said that was weird. He said he started to sing along with the band and he did an entire song. Howard said Jimmy doubled his voice and then they didn't end up showing it. He said maybe it was a rights thing. Howard said he felt very good on Fallon's show.
Bobo said it was great when Howard fist bumped them outside of the Today show. Howard said he was sitting there in traffic and he felt terrible ignoring them. Howard said he rolled down the window and fist bumped them. Howard said it was crazy. Howard said it was dangerous because they were in the middle of the street. Howard said it was very sweet of the fans to come out like that. Bobo said it left a great impression among the fans. Howard said that's great. He hung up on him after that.
Robin read about how the Dalai Lama coming out and talking about how the Chinese were trying to have him killed over the past couple of decades.
Robin read about some Boston University students that were killed in New Zealand. Robin had some audio of a student talking about her dead friend.
Robin read about some storms going on in Texas and New Mexico. She said that a tornado ripped through parts of Texas. She said the tornados sound awful but she's never been in one.
Robin read about how Britney Spears is going to be announced as one of the new judges on X-Factor. She had some audio of Britney singing.
Robin read about how Ricky Martin will be doing a fund raiser for President Obama. They spent a minute on that and then ended the show aroudn 10:40am.
Jon took a call from a guy who said if Robin does have something wrong with her and has to have something removed, will she do it during vacation or while the show is going on. Jon said he thinks that if it's life threatening she'd go under the knife tomorrow. He said if she can scheduled it for vacation she will. He said he believes that Howard won't do the show if Robin isn't there. Jon said that Howard and Robin did speak about it over the phone over the weekend.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is nervous or excited about the AGT premiere today. Gary said he spoke about it during the show today. Jon said he thinks he's nervous and excited about the show. He said he thinks the show will do well.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that it's unbelievable that Robin showed up to work today after what she went through. Jon said she hardly misses anything. She went to a wedding over the weekend and had that thing happen and then she shows up to work. The caller said that Artie used to call in sick with a cough and Robin shows up with her problem. Gary said that Artie had more than a cough going on. They found that out later.
Benjy said he's not physically amazed but psychologically he is. He said that Robin doesn't even know what's going on. Gary said maybe work takes her mind off of all of that.
Gary said there were a lot of people on Twitter commenting about Leiberman interviewing him after his colonoscopy. He said that he told Jon it was okay to come so it's not like he snuck in and got an interview. Gary said hew as really out of it and he had no idea what was going on there at the office. He said that he really didn't remember what had gone on there. He said he thought his wife was the gardener. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that Jimmy didn't seem to want to talk about Oprah so he turned it right around on him and said he heard Howard talked to Kathie Lee. Gary said there was a time in their lives when Howard goofed on Kathie Lee because of the way she acted. Gary said he used to enjoy that stuff. He said it wasn't for no reason that he goofed on her. Gary said she never did anything to them except live. Gary said Howard has said he was out of his mind back then.
Jon asked Gary about Jimmy buying stuff for Eric off his wish list. Gary said it gives Eric the idea that you can stick your hand out and expect something to drop into it. JD didn't like the idea of that either. Gary said that Eric is using their show as the conduit to get stuff from people. He said that Eric is using them.
Jon said that Jimmy blends right into the show when he's on. He said he went from being a fan to a guest to being a close friend of Howard's. Gary said that Jimmy used to be nervous but now he's really comfortable in there. He said that Howard said they had a lot to talk about today and they didn't get to much. Gary said he thought Jimmy was just going to hang out and they'd do other stuff. He said they had a lot to talk about with Jimmy though so they spent a lot of time talking.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is done with Benjy now. Benjy said he does think that might be the case. Gary said he thinks that if Howard goes to Benjy on the mic he has to be quick and concise and get to the point. He said there is no wiggle room left.
Jon asked JD if he's worried about Robin. JD said of course he is. He said it doesn't sound good to him. Jon said he was happy to hear Gary go in there and asking her if she's going to do the Western Medicine thing to fix it. Gary said he wants her to get real help and get better.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he saw all of the stuff Howard was doing on TV last week. He said the best one was Jimmy Fallon's show. He said he thought Howard was brilliant on the show playing off of Mick Taylor. He said he was also thinking about Howard doing the show without Robin and if he could pull it off. Gary said he has always said that the only person the show can't live without is Howard Stern. He said the show would not cease to be but it would be dramatically different. He said he's not sure how they'd rebound and recover but he thinks it could be done. Gary said the idea of doing the show without Robin is unimaginable. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has two words for them. He said ''Sell. Out.'' He said that Howard didn't have Ryan Seacrest on the show in the past. Gary said this is his fourth appearance on the show. He asked how that's being a sell out. The guy said that Howard is on AGT and he's selling out. Gary said Howard was supposed to do the Seacrest show the way he did The View and Jimmy Fallon and they decided to do the show on each other's shows. The caller said that they're kissing the ass of every famous person. Gary said if that's the case then he may have to hang up on this caller since he's not famous. They did end up hanging up on him.
Gary said Howard was playing it like he was a guest on Ryan's show today. Jon asked if he was surprised that he did the show. Gary said he's not. He said Howard will do whatever he has to do other than Leno or Imus. He said Howard sees the value of going on Leno but he isn't showing any interest in doing that at all.
Jon asked Gary about Mark McGrath and Art. Gary said he knew Art was coming in. He said they had him on another time and he remembers talking to him about that Father of Mine song years ago. Gary said his story is crazy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's looking forward to seeing Howard on AGT. He said it doesn't appear that they're talking about it in the paper though. Gary said there have been some huge stories about it lately. The caller wasn't aware of that. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show asking Robin if she got his phone call yesterday. Robin said that was the phone that she left in Pittsburgh. Howard said he was trying to get a hold of her. Robin said she didn't get home until AGT started. She said she was busy getting tested all day. Howard said he wanted to tell Robin that a friend told him about this fibroid thing and he's had a lot of patients with the same thing. Howard said he was trying to calm Robin down. Robin said that's nice but it really means nothing to her. She said they did a lot of tests on her.
Howard said he was going to tell Robin not to test it, just wear the bag. Robin said she's the same as she was yesterday. She said they did the tests and she'll find out something later. Robin said that she didn't have her cell phone with her so she didn't get the calls. Robin said she missed some of AGT. She saw about 90 minutes of it.
Howard asked Robin if she's freaking out about this whole thing. Robin said she's not thinking about it. She said she's just going through the process of finding out. Robin said she's not going to think about something that's not real.
Howard asked if she saw him trample over Howie's mother last night. Robin said she did see that. Howard asked if he's in Robin's will. Robin said she's going to rewrite it. Howard said she should check her phone messages and see who called her yesterday. She said she didn't tell everyone about what was going on. Robin said Fred sent her a note. Howard said he actually called.
Howard said he got annoyed with Robin for dampening his day. He said she forced him to think about her. He said the whole thing is surreal. He said the show is fun to watch and he's thinking about Middle America who aren't used to seeing him. He said he imagines the worst. He thought the show was well done and they keep the show moving. Robin said she likes the bits between the judges. Howard said he understands they have a lot of that coming up. He said it was something.
Howard said he heard that David Hinckley wrote some nice things about him. He hasn't read that yet. Howard said he heard that the L.A. Times wrote some nice things about him too. He had that article to read. Howard said he doesn't know the ratings yet but he thinks it's going to be a build. Robin said she thinks the ratings will be big.
Howard read the L.A. Times article where they wrote about him being the new judge on the show. Howard quickly went through that and skimmed through it for some comments. Howard said it seemed very nice. He said he's getting good reviews for the most part.
Robin said she has a bone to pick. Howard asked if it had to do with him trampling an 80 year old woman out of the elevator. Robin said she knew that was going to happen. Robin said the one act that Howard let go through that she didn't agree with. Robin said it was the little girl and her father who sang together. Howard said it was very charming there live. Robin said it's America's Got Talent and not America's Got Charm. Howard said they had some kind of vibe thing going on. He said he doesn't want to say what happens but they do let a lot of people go through to Las Vegas. Robin said the little girl was cute and all but she wasn't sure about why they let them go through. Howard said there was a lot more to the act that they didn't show last night. Robin said she saw a lot of stuff in New York that they didn't let go through.
Howard said he did get tougher as it went by. He said that was his first couple of days of judging. Howard said in L.A. they had some really horrible acts come through. Howard said he was putting people through just so they'd have a show.
Robin said one of the things Howard used to complain about were dance acts. Howard said he does. He said he rejected at least 80 of 100 dance acts. He said he's bored to tears with dance acts. He said as a judge you have to think about Vegas and the show. He said these are early shows so he got harder on the acts as they went along. Howard said he learned the environment as they went along. Howard said he knows some people like dance acts though.
Howard said he was told that some of these people go to Vegas and they have careers in some bigger movement. He said they end up getting their own acts. Robin said she would compared this to Shields and Yarnel. Howard said they have an act like that coming up.
Robin said you don't want to see a mime but Shields and Yarnel were incredible. Robin said that's what she wants to see. Howard said if he sees somebody that has talent then he's going to let them through. Howard said he might want to see more of it.
Howard said in Vegas they cut down on the acts. He said that he loved the bow and arrow guy but they'll have to wait and see what else he has going on. He said that's not a trick. It's real. Robin said it was pretty impressive. Howard said he's got a whole thing going. Howard said some knife throwers have a trick but that was the real deal. Robin said it was amazing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he and his wife watched the show last night and they were trying to be objective as possible. He said the show got a whole lot better over night. He said Howard was hilarious with some of his lines. He asked who writes his stuff. Howard said he doesn't have a writer. The caller said that Howard had a lot of funny lines just about that one lady. Howard said he told her that she'd be terrific at donating her kidney to Nick. Howard said they cut that line out. He said he's not sure why. Robin said that might be too much for her.
The caller said he really liked the father daughter singing team at the end of the show. Howard said he really liked that act too. Howard said these acts evolve as they go on too. He said that there is a lot of discussion about that act.
Howard said it was an exciting night for him. He said he sat there with Beth and Bianca and watched the show together. Howard said Bianca has problems with her butt and she was fighting the whole time. Howard said he was trying to tweet a couple of things but he didn't get much out. He was concentrating on the show. Howard said it was 10 when it was over so he called some executives. He said he was on the phone with them and with Ralph. Howard said he thought it was a good thing that he got bored with the Spider-Man trailer because he was so excited about the show. Howard said he felt like he saw the whole movie. Howard said it was something to watch the show how they put it together. Howard said they were in L.A. and St. Louis for days and they cut it down to two hours. Howard said it was really something. He said he's proud to be on the show and he's proud of the show.
Howard said he doesn't think the show will be number one right away and it will build over the summer. He said maybe it will be number one. He's not sure.
Robin said she was thinking about cutting over to Dancing with the Stars just to see what's going on. Then it left her mind and stuck with AGT.
Howard said he had such a busy day. He said the opening 7 minutes of the show was crazy. He said they were introducing him to America in a way. He said it was really cool. Howard said they used a Red camera and it looks like film. He said it looked really cool. Howard said they did a great job with the bumpers and all of the stuff they were doing. Robin said they did raise the production values over the years.
Howard said everyone was writing to him and telling him their favorite parts of the show. Gary said they must have spent a lot of money to license the music they used in the show. He said they were using really good songs. Howard said that can make the show. He said in England they can use any music they want. They don't have to pay like they do here.
Howard said Robin is putting him through a lot. Robin said that she would have called him back if she had her phone. Robin said she's getting her phone back today. Howard said everything tech with Robin doesn't work. Gary said he told Robin he was going to call her yesterday and she didn't tell him that she didn't have her phone. Robin said she didn't hear what he said to her then. She had things on her mind.
Howard played Sal and Richard's song parody about Robin pissing from her vagina. The caller asked if Sal knows women don't piss from their vagina. Howard said Sal has no idea. Howard said they had a couple of other songs about her too. Howard asked what she found out yesterday.
Robin said the doctor was surprised that she went to work. Robin said she should find out today what the plan is for her. She said that she could have a uterine thing or something. She said that it could be cervical cancer or ovarian something. She said they have to do all of these tests to figure it out. Robin said they can't tell where it's coming from.
Robin said that she was told that the mass is 13 centimeters by something. She said that she's not sure how big that is. Howard said Robin is pronouncing it ''sauntameters.'' He said that might be right for her.
Howard said he had to move on. The caller told Robin she's doing a good job. Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard how big 13 centimeters is and it's about 5 inches. Howard said that's really big. He said it's weird that Robin didn't have a build up to it. Robin said there was a slight build up. She said she's shocked that she had something so big in there and she didn't have more symptoms.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked about what cameras they're using to make him look good. Howard said some people think he had a chin implant and he swears he didn't. Howard said he's also not having plastic surgery. He said that people are accusing him of that stuff but he's really not doing that. Howard said he did cringe at some of the angles he saw but what is he going to do?
Howard said he thinks that women are looking for good looking guys. Robin said that Piers wasn't a good looking guy. Robin said she has a hard time watching Piers.
Mark said that it seemed like they were shooting from 10 miles away in some of the shots. Howard said they had some close ups too.
Mark said that Mark McGrath doing the ''Jacking Off To You'' song was great yesterday. Howard replayed some of that. Howard said that was great. Robin said you know you're good when you can take that song and do it like that. Howard played some of the original song from YouTube.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's madly in love with him. Howard asked if she was watching a different channel. She said Howard is fantastic. She said his personality really shined on AGT. She said that if the rest of America hasn't fallen in love with him then there's something wrong with them. Howard said he can't have it both ways. He said many people think he's the devil. He said ''literally the devil.'' Howard said he won't take it all on his shoulders though. He said he's just along for the ride. The caller said she thinks they stepped the show up a bit. She said that it does seem that Howard is being a bit soft. Howard said they get really hard on these people in Las Vegas. He said they get very blunt there. They have to cut the numbers down from 120-some to 48 acts.
Howard said when they were there they would tell people they had a lot of work to do and they don't put all of that into the show. Howard said they don't show all of that because they only have 2 hours.
The caller asked how much Purell Howard used after he hugged the sweaty guy. Howard said he has a whole thing worked out with Toni who has a big bottle of organic hand sanitizer. He said she was just about bathing him in it. Howard said he was almost taking a shower with it during the commercials. Howard said he got caught up in the moment and the guy was sweating all over him.
The caller asked about Howie's ring and if he got that back. Howard said Howie didn't want it back. Howard said he didn't put that guy through. He said they have much better acts than that. Howard said they go through the acts and tell them what's wrong. They don't show all of that though. The caller said Howard is on point and his sense of humor is great. She said that she's really in love with Howard.
Howard said he thinks that the upcoming shows should be even better. He said those were the worst of them. Robin said she liked Howard's look in New York and not in those early shows. Robin said he was very casual in New York. The caller said he must have been sweating a lot. He had a lot of layers. Howard said he was sweating a lot. He said in some of the theaters it was very cold though.
The caller said she saw Beth over his shoulder. Howard said she was sitting next to John Stamos. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go.
Howard said that Tenacious D is coming in today. He said that Bubba wants them to call into his show too. Howard said he has to ask Bubba what's going on with him too. Howard said he read about some crazy shit that's going on with him. He said he's not sure if he can talk about it all though. Howard said he's reading some crazy stuff about him and Hulk Hogan and his ex. Howard said he'll bring it up and ask if they can talk about it.
Howard said he has a full page article about Bubba from the tabloids. Robin said she heard rumors about the sex tape that Hulk Hogan was in and she wasn't sure what was going on.
Howard had a caller on the line who said he thought that harp thing on AGT was amazing. Howard said it was great on TV but in person it was even more impressive. Howard said the guy wired the whole theater with his instrument. Howard said that thing is huge. He said the whole theater shakes from that instrument. He said it fills your chair with sound. Robin said it was amazing to watch. Howard said they have tons of instruments. He said that he was one of his favorites. The caller said Howard was brilliant with his responses last night.
Howard said it was amazing that he was on a network TV show. He said that it's shocking to him that he's there. Howard said that they're used to two or three numbers for the channels they show up on.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the harp thing wasn't that impressive to him. He said the drummer kind of made the whole thing. Howard said they did talk about that. He said they were worried that the people at home wouldn't get it. Fred said the light thing didn't really come across very well on TV. Howard said they had a similar act last year and they didn't make it. He said when you see it in the theater it's actually very impressive. Robin said seeing them walk off stage was interesting. Howard said it was because you get to see how they do it. He said the dragon thing was great in person. He said that you'd be out of your mind if they put that group together with the harp guy. Howard said he was thinking about that stuff and talking to the harp guy about it. Howard said the guy would like to do something like that. Howard said he should get out of the teaching thing and get into Vegas.
The caller asked Robin what's going on with her with the bladder and if she's had any infections. Robin said she hasn't and they say they only want the catheter in there less than a week. The caller thought the mass was in her bladder but Robin said the mass is leaning against it. Howard said his friend says that Robin is going to be alright. Howard said he tried to call her yesterday but her technology sucks. He said he thinks what's really inside her is her phone.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was crying through the show last night. He said he was laughing at the black dance group but he was crying by the end of it. Howard said those guys have a whole story. He said last night was crazy. He said he still can't believe he's on a network TV show.
Howard said there are some crazy stories on the show. He said you'll see even more from people who put everything on the line to be on the show. Robin wondered how these people have time to rehearse this stuff. Howard said he asks some of them for their schedule because he wonders the same thing.
The caller said that he sent out a tweet to Howard last night that the show makes grown men cry. Howard thanked him for that. They spent a minute talking about the Parents Television Council and how they might be upset that he's network acceptable and now they won't make money.
Melrose Larry Green called in and Howard said he was in the opening of the show. Melrose said Howard was brilliant. He said he was in tears as well. Howard said that's because he's crazy. Howard said you'd be in tears if you were Melrose too. Howard said it was good to see him in the opening of the show.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if they're going to be talking about this until July or August. Howard said all of the calls coming in are about this. The caller said that's just not true. He said he wants to talk about something else. Howard said all of the notes he has are about AGT. Howard said he can't set the agenda for what people want to talk about. He said that he can't control that. Howard hung up on the guy since he was arguing about it.
Howard said that the audience wants to talk about it because it's the biggest thing in their world right now. He can't sit there and pretend that the show didn't happen.
Howard said he went over and did The Talk yesterday. Howard said they appear to have the same number of women on it that The View has. Howard went through the women who are on the show and talked about that for a minute. Howard said the show is going to air on Thursday. He said they had 3 pages of questions for him. He said they asked if he wanted to see them ahead of time. Howard said they read them to him even though he didn't want to hear them. Howard said they had a list of questions that you wouldn't believe. They had question about everything. He said it was like he was being briefed like the president.
Howard said he went over there and heard like 15 minutes of questions. He said he went out and started talking and they didn't get to one question. He said he was just on the show talking about stuff. He told some stories about Julie Chen and Sharon. He said in the second segment they asked one or two questions. He didn't pay attention to them. Howard said Beth came out for the third segment to promote her TV show Mom Caves. Howard said Beth thought it was horrible following him. She felt like she stopped the party. Howard said she actually did him a favor.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw a Baba Booey before the show started. He said it was in a Madagascar promo. Howard said he had to let that guy go with the bad phone connection. Gary said they have the audio of that commercial. Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have Tenacious D with Jack Black and Kyle Gass coming in. He said if you don't want to hear about AGT then tune into another channel. Howard said he thinks they'll be talking about it since no one is calling in about anything else. Robin said they played the Macy Gray performance this morning to start the show and it sounded great. She said she's not sure why all of their music performances don't sound like that.
Howard played a clip of a news report where the reporters were talking about America's Got Talent and giving their rundown of what they saw. They had a pretty nice rundown of what was going on. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard said he has Bubba on the phone. Howard said you gotta love Bubba. Howard tried picking up but they were in commercial break. Bubba told Howard he had 20 seconds. Howard said that was no problem. Bubba picked up a few seconds later and asked him if he watched AGT live. Howard said he did. Howard said he worked so many months on that thing and he had to watch. Howard said he never would have predicted that he'd be on network TV. Bubba said he's now part of Americana and he'd tell SiriusXM to pack it in. Howard said he's not going to do that. Howard said this is a good place to be. He said it's a lot of work though.
Howard said the last thing he wants to do after watching himself is have sex. Howard said he and Beth were watching the show with their dog last night and it was great. Bubba said he's never had anything like that. Howard said he wants to talk to him about what he's got going on. Bubba said he knew that he was going to turn it aroudn on him.
Howard said from what he's reading Hulk Hogan is the only one who is having sex. Howard said he's not sure what Bubba can talk about or not. He asked if he read this article in the Enquirer. Bubba said he didn't read it. Howard asked if he's talking about this subject at all. Bubba said he's just not talking about it. Howard asked if he can just give him the gist of it. Bubba said he'd prefer not to talk about it. Howard asked if he can just read the title. Bubba said he'd prefer not to.
Howard asked Bubba why he didn't hear any of this when he was in Tampa. Bubba said he didn't know anything about it then. He said he's still in the dark over it. He said Hulk Hogan is still his friend though. Bubba said that he's going to be like Ronnie and just say that he doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard said he'll tell his audience what he's talking about after the phone call.
Bubba got Howard back on the AGT subject and told him he thought the show was very fast paced. He liked what he saw. He didn't like the Dolly Parton 9 to 5 music thing though. Howard said they are doing Middle America though so that's why they do that. Howard said he was shocked that they cleared the Rolling Stones music. He said that had to cost them a big chunk of change. Howard said they must have cost a couple hundred grand. Bubba said his favorite act was the glow in the dark dragon deal. Howard said he thought it played well but some people didn't think it did. Howard and Bubba talked about that little girl who sang and how they didn't show all of what went on there.
Howard said they look for a germ of an idea at times and that's what was going on with that. Howard said Bubba isn't a judge. Howard said he's a judge and Bubba wouldn't understand that. Bubba said he's too barbaric to be a judge. He said he'd tell the father to take that kid home and bring her back in a few years. Howard said there is a lot more ball busting when they go to Vegas.
Bubba said that Howard had it down by the time he got to Tampa. Howard said he thought Tampa was one of the best places he went. Bubba said it was great there.
Bubba's buddy Ned interrupted and said that he wanted to thank Howard and asked him to bring them back to Sirius. Howard said he misses those guys. Howard said everyone there loves him so much he's sure that they'll bring them back. Ned said they're miserable. Howard asked Ned if he knows anything about the article that Bubba won't talk about. Ned said that he knows all about that. Howard asked if it was his idea to hook Hulk up with that woman. Bubba said that Ned was the cameraman.
Howard thanked Bubba, Brent and Spice for coming down to support him at the AGT thing. He said they may work together again some day. He told Bubba to hang in there until then. Howard said that no one at Sirius is even talking to him these days. He said he has to skulk out of there every day.
Bubba said that the earth harp guy was great on AGT. Howard said that whole thing was great. He said he told the guy he could see him touring with Metallica or something like that. Howard said he thinks it could be a huge thing. Howard said the guy won him over when he played that thing. Howard said he thought the guy looked like a dirty hippie at first.
Bubba said he didn't like that guy who stuck the needles through his mouth. He thought that his teeth looked like he was on meth or something. Howard said that might go over well in America. He said a lot of people are on meth.
Howard said that Bubba is up to so much that he can't even talk about these things. Howard said he must be censored because of his divorce. Bubba said Howard knows about that. He said he's just trying to move on and better himself. He said he's seeing someone right now. Howard said Bubba was like a love struck puppy when he saw him down in Tampa. Howard said Bubba was talking about this chick he was in love with but he hadn't even seen her. Howard said he was worried about Bubba. He said he had just gotten divorced and he tells him that he hasn't seen her yet. Howard said Bubba met her like 10 years ago and they had been Facebooking. Howard said that Bubba was talking about how in love he was and then he finds out that he hasn't even met her. Howard said it was crazy.
Bubba said that he wants to explain this. He told Robin that most relationships are going out on a date and then having sex. He said this woman he's talking about he's been friends with for like 10 years. He said they know each other very well and they're good friends. He said that she's been to Tampa two times and she's coming back soon. He said that they have consummated the relationship.
Bubba said he's been good friends with this woman for years. He said he's talking to Robin now and not Howard. Howard said he's busy communicating with America so that's fine. Bubba told Robin that he and this woman have been talking and things are great. Howard said Bubba was talking about being in love and Brent was just laughing. Bubba told Brent to remember who his boss is. Howard said Bubba was crazy over this woman and he hadn't even met her.
Bubba said that Brent is having a hard time too. Brent is living at a friend's house at this point. Howard said he thought he had a solid relationship. He said his wife has the biggest breasts ever. Howard asked Brent why he's being a dick. Brent said he is being a dick. He said it was a lack of sex at home. Bubba said he's such a liar. Howard asked if that's really it. Brent said that's part of it. Bubba said that his sister Tara is part of the show now that Spice has left. He asked Tara to be honest. She said that it's Brent hitting 40 and having the mid-life crisis. Howard said Brent's wife seemed like the perfect woman to him. Howard told Brent to go back to her. Howard said he's a judge and he rules in favor of him going back to her.
Howard said Brent should put out a cook book about how to cook on a hot plate in his friend's basement. Howard said that has to be better than being with Amanda. Howard said he really likes Amanda. Brent said he's not saying anything bad about her.
Howard told Brent not to let his wife near Hulk Hogan. That got some laughs from Bubba and the guys. Bubba said that he's going to talk to Howard about that privately. Howard said he sat at a 2 hour dinner with Bubba and he didn't hear a word about that.
Bubba asked if he liked the headphones he gave him. Howard said he did. He said Bubba had them made up for him. Bubba said he has them in his garage and he wondered if he should give them to him to give to his guys at work. Howard told him to send them up. Howard said they're great headphones. Howard said everyone would love them.
Bubba asked what Howard is going to do when he hears the ratings for AGT. Howard said he thinks that the ratings will be okay and they'll go up as the season goes on. Howard said he's not expecting to be number 1 the first night. Bubba said he thinks he will be. Howard said there are other shows wrapping up and he doesn't think it'll be like the Super Bowl or something. Howard said there are a ton of TV shows on and they don't break through in one night. Howard said last year they had between 10-12 million or something. Bubba asked if he'll be happy if he gets 18 million. Howard said he would be happy but he's not expecting it. He said he's trying to look at this realistically. He said he thinks the show will grow.
Howard said he has already talked about a second season for him on the show. Howard said if he does a second season he'll probably won't be making more. Howard said if the show is a huge hit then maybe they'll move it into the city instead of Newark.
Bubba asked Robin what she's up to. Howard said she's got a health issue right now. Bubba asked what it was. Robin said she will only talk if Bubba talks about what's going on with him. Bubba said he's not going to talk about that. Robin said she could be dying and all she wants to know is the ins and outs of this story.
Howard said Bubba's sister has a great radio voice. Bubba said that Ned hates her. Howard said he's going to let them go. Bubba said that Fred is the only guy who has his back there. Fred said he loves Bubba. Howard said he loves Bubba and the guys and how much they've supported him. Howard said he's sure that Bubba will be on AGT when they flash to the audience in Tampa. Brent said that everyone was very cool on the show when they met them.
Bubba said that he'll talk to Howard of the air sometime. Howard said they're going to talk alright. Bubba asked for them to bring them back... they're dying. Howard said as soon as he gets some clout there he'll do that.
Howard let Bubba and the guys go. Howard said this thing in the Enquirer is crazy. Howard said they claim that there's a sex tape of Hulk Hogan and a woman who could possibly be Bubba's ex-wife. Howard said the article is crazy. He said that Heather hasn't returned their calls. Howard said if it's not her in the tape then shame on them. Howard said they say that Hulk and Bubba are friends for life. Robin said that she hasn't seen Bubba and Hulk being that close. Howard said he wanted Bubba to talk about it so he feels weird talking about it. He said he really has to take a break.
Robin said that Hulk was living at Bubba's house. Howard said that's what it says in the article. Howard said that's what's so crazy about it. Howard said he knows they have a ton of people on the phone. He has to get to that and Jack Black and Kyle Gass. Howard said he's sure Jack doesn't want to talk about AGT.
Howard said this article says that they want to sell copies of this sex tape with Hulk and this woman. Robin asked how they get these sex tapes. Gary said they used to deal with a company that dealt in those kind of videos and both parties are usually involved. Gary said if they release the tape then the two owners would make money off of it. Robin said that the story is that someone else has the tape. Gary said the story is always that someone stole the tape. He said the guy who used to sell those tapes had a vault of tapes that he wasn't allowed to sell. He said he'll tell him during the break who they were from. Howard said he wanted to hear that now so he went to break.
Howard came back and said that's good stuff. He said they're all talking about it. He said he guesses he did his job and created some excitement about the show. Howard said he deserves a raise, right? Howard said there were some newspaper articles about his debut in the paper too. Howard said he's getting positive reviews.
Howard said Gary told him that they hired him to create a buzz about the show but this is more than a buzz. Howard read through some of the articles that were written about last night's AGT. Howard said he had one from the Baltimore Sun and that guy liked what he saw. Howard said that was from Robin's home town. Howard read through more of the reviews and the critics seem to like what they're seeing.
Howard said he does have his supporters out there. Robin said they're actually not supporters but he's changing them.
Howard said that Jack Black and Kyle Gass will be coming in soon. He said that Jack and Kyle are very committed to their band. He said he thinks that the music on their new album is good too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why SiriusXM isn't advertising on AGT at all. Howard said he thinks that they're blowing a big opportunity if you ask him. Howard said he has been there for 6 years now and they've come to him wanting to do something really big and they're not doing it now. Howard said that he'd tell them that something big would happen and they wanted him to go to Vegas or something. The caller said that this would be great exposure for them. Robin said that AGT is advertising on this show. Howard said he didn't even know that. Robin said she's heard a few commercial for it.
Howard said he tried to bring all parties together. He said he wanted Sirius to get involved with some kind of thing with NBC. He wanted Sirius to have a presence aroudn the country but they won't do it. They'll spend millions on a McCartney or Springsteen concert but not on this.
Howard said he's not saying this because of his ego. He said 60 percent of the people who subscribe are listening to his channels. He said this show has Sirius written all over it. He said he would have been more than happy to have the two parties talking. Howard said there should be constant synergy going on. He said it's almost irresponsible that they're not doing something. Robin said she if she was on the board... Howard said she'll never get on the board. Robin said she does have a pee bag so she might be able to get on it.
Howard said if there was ever an opportunity to market this brand, it's now. Howard said some people see him as the enemy in this company. He's there to help and he wants to see the company do well. He said he wants them to grow. The caller said they'd rather give him a smack in the face by not advertising. Howard wadi he doesn't need any help. He said this was the big opportunity that Sirius was waiting for. He said they're blowing it and distancing themselves from it. Howard said maybe he's the dummy and he doesn't get it.
Howard said he can't fight the good fight anymore. He said he's doing what he's supposed to be doing. He said there should be a great synergy there. He said they have to get the word out about their service. Howard said he thinks that Sirius will benefit from him being on the show but they could capitalize on it more. Howard said he just doesn't get it. He said maybe he's the delusional one.
The caller said he's amazed that he didn't get on Network TV before now. Howard said a lot of people hate him so it's not surprising to him. Howard said that it's surreal that he's on a show like that now.
Howard said he's exhausted. He asked how Robin isn't exhausted. Robin said she's not sure why they can't get a good set of speakers for the MRI systems. She said they ask you if you want to hear music and you hear it out of these awful speakers. She said that it was so distorted that it was almost irritating to hear the music. Howard said those machines cost like a million dollars and they don't put in good speakers. Howard said he thinks they were number 1 in the MRI machine when they were at WNBC.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been listening to Howard since the WBCN days. He said that he's been trying to convince his parents that Howard is a great guy. He said he's excited that the rest of the country can fall in love with him now. He said he thinks that the ratings are going to be through the roof.
The caller asked if there's anyone left at NBC after they fired him so many years ago. Howard said guys in radio will turn around and say they knew all along that he was great. He said they'll blame it on someone else. Howard said the people who hold your fate in their hands are all gone. He said it's crazy. The caller said he thinks that the haters will want to throw up when they see the ratings.
Howard said he was going to have Jack Black and Kyle Glass in after the break. Howard kept saying the name Kyle Glass and he had to correct himself since it's Kyle Gass. Howard told Gary he has to spell it right on his sheet of paper. Howard said he makes him look like an idiot. They played a Baba Booey song parody as they went to break before bringing the guys in.
Howard said he sees that Jack has put on some weight. Jack said he is fat right now. He said he's trying but he's very hungry. Howard said he's a movie star. Jack said he knows. He said he's pretty sensible with his eating. Kyle said Jack tries like the devil every day. Jack said his Kryptonite is fried foods. He asked Howard if he has a nutritionist. Howard said he doesn't but he has kind of put on a few pounds. He said he eats sensibly. Jack said Howard can't relate. Howard said he does relate because he was fat. Jack said he's never been fat. Robin said he has been fat. Jack said he was skinny fat.
Robin told Jack that Howard had a huge down coat that he would wear and it was going swish, swish, swish from him moving. Howard said he really was fat. Howard said he loves to eat and he has a hard time losing weight. He said he struggles with it all the time. Howard said he runs and that helps. Howard asked if they drink. Jack said he doesn't drink that much. He said he doesn't smoke like he used to either but he will have a celebratory J once in a while.
Howard said he used to play music for a living. He said that Jack used to idolize Bobby McFerrin. Jack said he was there before ''Don't Worry Be Happy.'' Howard said he was a kid in high school and he'd go to every one of his concerts. Howard said he would fight his way to the front to try and get on stage. Jack would run to the front and do all kinds of things to get up there. Jack said he would have to run past people who were running to the stage. Howard asked how many times he got on stage. Jack said it was only 3 times. Howard said he read that he had to be pulled aside and told to calm down. Jack said he got excited and started doing what Bobby would do with his chest slap. He said Bobby had to give him a shake of the head to tell him not to do that.
Howard asked Jack if he's told Bobby that story. Jack said he has not crossed paths. He said maybe some day he will. Jack said he doesn't go out looking to make celeb connections as a celebrity himself.
Howard said the guys have put out a new Tenacious D album and people thought it was going to bomb. Kyle said they were on the show once and he told them not to worry. Howard said everything will be fine. Howard said he thought that the movie was a funny movie. He asked if they were shocked that it didn't do well. Jack said he felt confident that it was going to be a hit. He said he was stung. He felt that America had dumped him. Kyle took it pretty hard too.
Howard asked Kyle if he hid in his house for a while after that failure. Kyle said he did. He said he started a bunch of side projects. He said he started eating a lot of marijuana. Howard asked if he was a big pot guy. Kyle said he wasn't. Howard said it must hurt when the project that they worked on so long had a movie that tanked. Jack said he knew they were going to put out another album. He said they had a blast even playing to 3 people in a coffee shop. He said it's fun doing it.
Howard said they wrote a song about roadies and the song and video are pretty funny. Howard said the video is funny and the music has gotten more sophisticated. Jack thanked him for noticing. Howard said he felt that the band was more of a joke in the beginning. Jack said they were the only joke band going at the time when they brought out the first album. He said there are a lot more out there now. He said that there's a lot more competition and they had to bring it up a notch. Jack said they took it more seriously.
Jack said they did some shorts back in the day and they were on HBO and had some album play too. He said if you have a TV show behind your music then the record companies will get behind you. They don't have one now but back in the day they did.
Howard said Jack is the movie star and it's got to be difficult for Kyle. He said he has to wait aroudn for Jack to get bored with movies. Howard asked Jack what he's doing with the movie thing now. Jack said things have slowed down now with that so it's not as much of a concern. He said they're going to do 3 months of touring aroudn the world.
Howard said he heard that they wanted to put Tenacious D music in the movie School of Rock and it was too expensive. Jack said that's not true.
Howard said he heard that Dave Grohl plays drums on the album. Jack said that he did play on every track. Jack said that Dave is a fan of music and he's a fan of theirs. Howard asked how they pay him. Jack said they take care of him but it's mostly charity work. Howard said Dave must want to get paid pretty well. Jack said he thinks Dave is doing pretty well on his own.
Howard asked Jack what he's worth at this point. Jack said he's not going to say. Howard said Kyle is dying to know.
Howard asked Jack if he posts pictures of his kids on the internet. Jack said he doesn't do that. He said one time his wife took some video of his kid building an arcade out of cardboard after he was inspired by another kid. He said that his wife put it on Facebook and then that spread from there. He said he didn't put it out there himself. Jack said you can't put anything on Facebook because it'll get out to everyone eventually.
Howard said Jack is in the movie ''Bernie'' and it only made a couple hundred thousand. Jack said the movie just went wide so it's still making money. Howard asked about going to meet the real serial killer he was playing in the movie. Jack said it was pretty wild. He said you get nervous just being aroudn that kind of energy. Jack said he wasn't a serial killer either. He said that the guy was a one time murderer. He said the guy was known for giving beautiful funerals. Jack said that there was a mean old lady in town and she took him in and he became her personal servant. Jack said he snapped and murdered her and then hid her body in an ice chest for 9 months and no one noticed. He said in that 9 months he was living it up and giving her money to people in town. Jack said no one believed that he was the one who did it.
Howard asked how they found out he did it. Jack said some of the relatives who were sniffing around had figured it out. They called the cops on him. Robin asked what it was like meeting him. Jack said they called a few weeks ahead of time. He said he didn't have to meet him, he wanted to though. Jack said he wanted to hear his accent and get some of his behaviors. He said he wanted to ask some questions about what it was like. Jack said he asked why he didn't just leave when the relationship went toxic. Jack said it's the same kind of question you ask in any case like that. Jack said the guy just couldn't leave. He was stuck in a co-dependant thing. He said it was a complicated thing. He said if he had planned it he could have smothered her and said she just died. He ended up shooting her in the back instead.
Howard asked if he shakes his hand. Jack said he was a very sweet guy and he could see why everyone liked him. Howard asked if you question yourself for liking a guy who shot an 80 year old woman in the back. Jack said it makes you question yourself and if you could do the same thing if you were in that situation.
Jack said that he and Kyle played a game of chess one time and he could have killed Kyle when he beat him. Howard asked what opening move Kyle uses. He ended up talking about how obsessed he got with chess for a while. He said he was really obsessed and had to stop playing. Howard said it was crazy how into it he was. He said he got upset with himself for not being a grand master. He said he was really obsessed. Jack said most master chess players will go nuts eventually.
Howard asked Jack what his musical influences are. Howard said he had someone ask what kind of music he likes and he threw out Prince's Purple Rain and some Neil Young and other stuff. He was all over the place. Howard asked Jack who he likes. Jack said he likes Zeppelin. Howard said he saw them live and they were great but he left after 5 songs. Gary said he saw them in 1975 and they were great. Jack didn't think Plant could hit the notes. Howard said he thought they were great but he only stuck aroudn for 5 songs. Howard said he went with a friend and people ended up taking M80 firecrackers and throwing them down on people in Madison Square Garden. Howard said that was going on and he had to get out of there. He said he wasn't going to die at a Led Zeppelin concert.
Jack said that he likes other cheesy stuff too. He said he liked Billy Joel too. Howard said he's one of the greatest artists of all time. Jack said he's cheesier than Led Zeppelin. Howard said Billy is a great song writer. Kyle said that Styx is more cheesy than Billy Joel. Howard and Jack did their Styx impressions for a few seconds.
Howard asked if Jack liked Yes. Jack said he did. He said they were the masters of their instruments. He said they were like Juliard trained musicians. Howard said they covered the song ''America'' and it was an opus. He said it was like 11 minutes long. Howard said it's one of the greatest tracks ever. Howard said he saw Emerson Lake and Palmer and they were good too. Jack said he never saw them play.
Jack said Ozzy was the best cheese of the 1980s. He said that's when he tapped into the hard stuff. Howard said Tenacious D rocks. He said the music is solid and he doesn't think that anyone is even putting rock music out anymore. Howard asked who is rock today. Jack said that Foo Fighters, Jack White and others. Howard said there aren't many out there. He said there are no big rock bands anymore.
Howard said they found some rock bands on America's Got Talent but it'd depressing that there are so few around. Howard said they have a song on their album called ''Rock is Dead.'' Jack said if it's not dead it is very ill.
Howard said that he gets the feeling that Jack has a lot of rage in him. Jack said when they started talking about his weight in the beginning he could have turned into the Hulk. Howard asked why he went to a school for troubled boys. Jack said he had some trouble with the drugs. He said he was doing cocaine and he was running with a tough crew. He said he had a guy named Brock who wanted to beat the crap out of him because he had done something with his girl. He said he told his parents that people hated him at school and he should get out. He said there was some bullying going on and there was a bad cloud over him. He said he had to go to this school. Jack said all of the other kids didn't choose to go there. He said it turned out to be good for him though. He turned his stuff around there.
Jack said he ended up stealing $1,000 to buy coke and he eventually had to tell his mother. He said he remembers going into the pool outside and went for a swim. He said he screamed at the bottom of the pool and then went in and confessed.
Howard asked Jack if he felt like a failure after doing that. Jack said he did feel like something went wrong. He said he wasn't smart like they were. He said they were both aerospace engineers. Jack said he'd fall asleep in class and things like that.
Howard said there was a teacher who remembered him falling asleep in his class. Howard said he ran into the guy about a month ago and the guy remembered him sleeping. Howard said he would go in there high and that's why he would fall asleep.
Howard asked Jack about his parents being nudists. Jack said they were but he won't walk around naked like they did. He said he will do it in front of his wife but not in public. Howard asked Jack and Kyle if they've seen each other's penises. Jack and Kyle had seen each other at some point.
Howard said he would like to know what school Jack went to. Jack said it's called Poseidon. He said that he went there for a year and a half and then went to Crossroads. He said that's where he met his wife. He said he didn't date her back then. He just loved her from afar. Howard asked if he got to fuck a lot of famous chicks. jack said he got to fuck them all. Howard asked if he had his share of famous women. Jack said he did. Howard asked if Kyle has too. Kyle said he's had some luck out there too.
Howard asked if they're best friends. Kyle said yes. Jack said he would say that he is his best friend but Kyle has more best friends now. Jack said he is a loner in his Hollywood bubble. Howard said he imagines him hanging out with Ben Stiller and Iron Man. Jack said he's really not tight with those guys.
Howard said Jack is a famous guy now and he must hang out with these people. Jack said he was jealous that he didn't get invited to that Kimmel party. He said he didn't make the cut. Howard said he would have invited him but he thought he might bring Kyle.
Howard asked Jack if he's happy being married. Jack said he is. He said he was afraid that it would get worse sexually. He said it's actually gotten better. Howard asked if he likes anal. Jack said he has tried it. He said there is a lot of buzz aroudn the anus so he had to try it. Howard said it feels weird and you almost feel bad doing it.
Howard said that all gay couples will say they only blow each other but there has to be anal going on there. Jack said maybe anal is going the way of Jazz or the disco ball.
Howard asked Jack why Courtney Love came out against him. Jack said that they did a Nirvana thing in the Muppet Movie and she didn't like it. He said that he loves Nirvana and he loves Kurt Cobain. He said he didn't do it in a malicious way.
Howard asked if he cried when Kurt died. Jack said he may have. Howard said he cried when John Lennon died. Howard said the guy was a big influence on his life and he meant a lot to him. Howard said all he could think about was how he got killed and how much could have been lost. He said that John Lennon was great and it's such a big loss he still hasn't gotten over it. Jack said when you see these guys like Lennon and Cobain and how brilliant they really were. He said that Kurt was exposing the rock scene at the time. Howard said he killed himself though. He said John was killed by some douche and it drives him nuts.
Robin said that Howard cried when Cream broke up. Howard said she's right. Howard said they were great too. Howard said he was mental for that band. He said they had a reunion recently and it didn't do anything for him. It made him wonder why he worshiped them so much.
Jack told Howard he has to go see Neil Young play once before it's too late. He said he can see him in San Francisco once a year at least. Howard said he can't fly out there for that. jack said Neil can play anything and it's like there's magic in his bloodstream. Howard said his favorite song is ''Needle and the Damage Done.'' Jack said he likes another song about a space ship. He sang a little bit of that for Howard. Howard said he might have to jam with the boys. He said he doesn't know what to do but he can learn.
Howard told the guys that their videos are great and their new album is great. Howard gave them some more plugs and said the album is out today. Howard said he could talk all day but he has to move on. He said he's a judge and he's too important.
Howard asked what the boys are doing today. Jack said they're doing Jimmy Fallon. Howard said he was on Fallon last week. He said that he was on with Mick Taylor and he was joking aroudn with him about the Rolling Stones. Howard said the Roots and Mick played a song during the commercial and he jammed with the guys. He said that Jimmy was doubling his voice. He said he loves Mick but people thought he was goofing on the guy.
Jack said they are doing Fallon and then flying back to start their tour. He said he gets to see the kids on the Skype or on the iSight. Jack said his wife isn't giving him shit yet but it will be hard. He said Papa does have to bring home the bacon. He said they have a lot of family to take care of.
Howard came back and asked Robin what's up with her and her doctor. Robin said she will find out today what the plan of action is. She said she will call Howard first to let him know what's going on.
Howard said it was good seeing Jack and Kyle. Robin said she got caught when they asked if she's ever heard them. She hadn't heard their album.
Howard said today is a big day for him. He knows people don't want him talking about AGT but his show did hit the air last night.
Howard said he read that the guy with the Ugly Meter app was number one on iTunes for apps. He said he's beating Angry Birds and Angry Birds is usually number one. Howard said it must tick Ronnie off because Ronnie seems to think he's owed money for that.
Robin said she thinks the chemistry between Howard, Sharon and Howie is great. Howard said he thinks it gets even better. Robin said she doesn't think they have that with the other judges on other shows.
Mark in Boston called in and asked if it's AGT 100 and AGT 101 today. Howard said he thinks it is. He said he thinks that the AGT talk is going to calm down in a week or two. He asked when he was last on network TV. Howard said they have to have a couple of weeks where people are going to call in about the show. If he doesn't talk about it then it would just be weird.
Mark said his parents are falling in love with Howard. He said it's great that he's appealing to that. Howard said he watched the show and fell in love with himself. He said he really watched and asked how Beth can be in love with him with the way he looks.
Mark asked Howard how the guy with the dog with the mouth was talking because it was hard to see. Howard said some people thought the dog was drugged. He said the way the guy does it is by squeezing the dog's balls. He said that's not true and the whole thing is very safe.
Mark said he's getting tired just seeing Howard doing all of this shit. Howard said he shot The Talk yesterday and then went out to eat. Howard said he got caught in the traffic in the city from the President being in town. Howard said he had to go 7 blocks and it took an hour and 15 minutes. Howard said they closed down every road in the city. Howard said they drag so much attention to the guy by doing that. If they didn't say anything no one would even know he was there.
Howard said they went out to eat yesterday and he got a big salad with dressing on it. He said he eats the whole thing and ends up eating the roll that comes with it. Howard said he eats handfuls of nuts and that makes him fart. Then he eats nuts and stuff and it puts weight on him. He said he's not eating junk food though.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked why he thinks he's not attractive. Howard said he knows he's not. The caller said he has the most gorgeous eyes and she loves his hair. Howard said the ugly App told him he looks like a 32. Howard said that's about as low as you can get. The caller said she thinks Howard is a 92. Howard thanked her for saying that. She said she thinks that he's a handsome man. Howard said he's going to tell people that from now on.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann said that she hopes Robin is going to be okay. Howard said she'll be fine. Mariann told Howard how great she thought Howard was on AGT last night. She said that it seemed like everyone was stepping it up a bit. She said that it's great TV and she loves Howard. Howard thanked her for her support and let her go.
Howard had Jon Hein come in to give his Wrap Up Show rundown. Howard said he had forgotten to bring him in. Howard asked Robin if she can have sex with that thing in there. Robin said she can't. There's too much pressure in there. She said that all of these things are very close together.
Jon had crumpled up his paper thinking they were done. He had to read off the crumpled paper. Jon said the Nielson ratings are about an hour late today for last night's ratings. Jon said they'll talk about Howard on AGT and some things like that today.
Howard asked JD if he had any more news reports to play. Howard asked JD how he thought AGT was last night. Fred did an impression of him saying ''It was alright...'' JD came in and told Howard it was alright. He was in the middle of eating a pretzel. Howard asked him to pierce his tongue so it's even harder to understand him. He asked why the pretzel is still in his mouth. JD said he was trying to talk. Howard said he can't even chew it. JD said he's talking to him. Howard said he could chew it while he's talking to him. Howard told him to hurry up and chew it. JD asked what he wants from him. They played a song parody about JD that Sal did called ''He's Got a Mush Mouth.''
Howard said JD still has a pretzel in his mouth. He said it's a tiny pretzel and it's still not gone. JD said he knows. Howard said he has it in a pouch like chewing tobacco. JD said he didn't want to choke on the air. Howard said that would be such a loss. Howard told JD to go home. JD said the show was good and Howard was funny last night. Howard said that's the nicest thing he's ever said about him. Howard said he usually asks and JD will say ''It was alright''' when he asks how a great show was.
Robin asked if JD is still seeing that girl he met on the road. JD said he talks to some people and she's one of them. JD said ''She may have came into town...'' Howard goofed on JD for going to Full Sail and said he sees ads for that school in Rolling Stone magazine. Howard asked JD about that girl having ''came into town.'' Howard and Robin were goofing on JD. Howard did his impression of JD and Fred would throw in a line here and there. He said ''I don't kiss and mumble...'' That got laughs from Howard and Robin. Howard spent a few more seconds on that and let JD go.
Jon Hein said he can't get over the fact that he wasn't able to chew that pretzel. Jon went over some more things they were going to cover today.
Howard had Robin get to her news but he got distracted when he asked her about her pee bag. Robin said she has to empty it because it was getting full. She could feel the weight of it on her leg. Gary said they sell one of these for guys so they can pee during concerts and stuff.
Gary asked if Robin's is attached to her ankle or her thigh. Robin said it's near her thigh. She showed where it was. Robin said it would be awkward to have it down lower. Howard said the whole pee bag thing is crazy. He said he hates the idea of peeing so he might like something like that. Howard asked how may times a day she has to empty the bag. Robin said it's maybe 3 times. It's less than the number of times she had to go to the bathroom to pee.
Robin read about a guy in Idaho who is running for Sheriff and he's a member of the KKK. Robin said he's claiming to be fair and not bring his feelings into office with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Letterman had this big build up about the Oprah and Uma thing when he did the Oscars and he wasn't very good. The caller also brought up how bad CBS' morning news is and started to go on and on about other morning news shows. Howard cut him off and said he has to go. Robin didn't know where the guy was going with that.
Robin read a story about a bronze bust of Rush Limbaugh that was revealed in his home state of Missouri yesterday. Robin read how it was an invitation only event and had some audio from it.
Ralph called in and said he's amazed that JD hasn't gotten better on the air after all these years. He said even Gary the Retard has gotten better over the years. Ralph also pointed out how he trails off when he tells a story. Howard said he had a clip from yesterday's show here JD did that. He played the clip and JD was talking about Jimmy Kimmel and he never really completed his thought. Howard said it wasn't even a tough question.
Howard said Gary got a hold of Eric the Midget's wish list on Amazon.com and the list is so bizarre. He said he has 4,100 items on it. He has a ton of candy on it too. Gary said they have a 20 pack of lifesavers and he wants 100 packs of 20 lifesavers. Gary said he's gotten a bunch of those already. He said there are a lot of things on the list like gift cards and he's requested like 550 and he's gotten 447. He can't imagine that's how many he's getting. Ralph said maybe he has a little store or something.
Gary said Eric has all kinds of cameras and lenses on his list and he's never heard Eric mention photography at all. Howard said he has like 5 different camera bags on the list. Gary said the candy stuff goes on for pages and pages. Howard said he has a bunch of miniature train stuff on the list too. Gary said he has pages of candy and he wants like 100 of each. He said the candy goes on and on. Robin said they should buy it all for him so he has no place to put it. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Eric talking about all of this.
Howard said Eric has a bunch of tablets on his list too. He has the iPad and every other one on there. Fred did his impression of Eric and Ralph did his saying ''I... don't... talk... like... that.''
Gary said Eric wants American Express gift cards and he'd like a $3,000 one and a $2,000 one. Ralph asked where he comes up with this. Howard asked Eric what he's going to buy with all of this. Fred did his Eric voice and said ''I want a Maybach.''
Howard asked Ralph what he thought of the show last night. Ralph said he thought Howard was great on it. Howard let Ralph go and Robin read some new about Howard making his debut on AGT last night.
Robin read a story about Henry Kissinger getting searched at the airport the other day. He had to get out of his wheelchair to do that. Robin said they didn't seem to know who he was at the airport. Howard said that's good. He said the guy is a little too full of himself. The guy is 88 years old. Howard said he didn't even know the guy was still around.
Robin read about how President Obama is going to be making an appearance on The View to talk about his stance on gay marriage. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break, around 10:05am, Robin read some more news about President Obama. She had some updates about the gay marriage thing and also had some news about Manny Pacquiao coming out against Obama's gay marriage thing.
Robin read about JP Morgan Chase and what's going on with them. Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about that on The View.
Robin read about an attack campaign that came out against Mitt Romney. She had some audio of that. Robin said this is being directed at people in Ohio and surrounding areas.
Robin read some news about Ron Paul continuing trying to gain delegates. Howard said he should be spending time working in his district. He wondered when people are going to break the news to him that he has no chance.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that it was great family TV last night. Howard said Fred had Tess watching last night. Fred said she had to go to bed at 8:30 but she'll watch today when she gets home. The caller said the show was very enjoyable and her kids love Howard now. She said that maybe she can get her husband to do an ''It's Just Wrong'' thing with her. Howard suggested she just get a photo of him and hang it in her house.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated him on AGT last night. He said it was very family oriented. He asked if he thinks Bubba will ever be back. Howard said he knows he wants to come back and he's supportive of that. He said no one at Sirius is listening to what he has to say though. He's the enemy at this point.
The caller asked what he thinks about Pizza Hut sticking with AGT after the PTC asked them to pull their ads. Howard said he applauds them. He said he may have to go to Pizza Hut now. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a possible serial killer in Mississippi that's been killing people and may be dressing up as a cop. Howard said it's hard to tell if it's a real cop or not. Howard said they'll arrest you if you don't pull over so you don't know what to do.
Robin read about a bunch of bodies they have down in Mexico that appear to have been dumped out of a dump truck. Robin said they think that the violence will continue for at least a couple of months. She had some audio of an official talking about that. Howard said we may have to go in there with our army to take care of this problem.
Robin read about Michael Jackson's mother saying that she feels that Michael's doctor didn't get a severe enough punishment for what he did to her son. Howard said Michael is a grown man and they're not making him take responsibility for what he was doing. Robin said he was calling his doctor telling him to administer this stuff. Robin said the doctor shouldn't have done it but Michael shouldn't have been doing it to begin with. Robin had some audio of Michael's mother talking about how his kids are doing.
Robin read about how Indianapolis lost money hosting the Super Bowl. Robin said you'd think they'd make money off of something like that. Robin said they lost $1.3 million. She said they say there were benefits to hosting the game but they did rack up a loss.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that next Monday and Tuesday's AGT shows will be the New York shows. Howard asked how he knew that. Jeff said they said that on their web site. Howard said Jeff is sitting just about right next to him in the audience in those shows.
Robin had Howard play some of Tenacious D's new album. Howard said it sounds like a beer ad. Robin said it does kind of.
Robin said that Lisa Marie Presley is putting out an album. Howard asked why she waited so long. Robin said she's going to show who she really is with this one. Robin had some audio from the new album. Howard played that and said ''Oh, now I get it... she's a bad singer.'' Howard said he had a feeling that's who she was. Robin wrapped up with her news.
Howard was going to end the show but he had a couple more reports about his debut on AGT. JD told him who they were from and Howard played one from KNBC. They gave him a good review and read some comments from some people who were Tweeting about the show. Howard had some audio of Dan Patrick talking about the show too. Dan thought Howard did a good job. He said Howard is a smart guy and he knows what he's doing. Dan said he thinks Howard will get into a rhythm and he'll do well. Howard thanked Dan for that and said he thinks he's had enough about himself today. Howard said there's more tonight. Robin said there will be more tomorrow too. Howard said they have an all nude strength competition coming tomorrow. Gary said it's the World's Strongest Naked Woman contest. Howard said Andy Richter will be stopping by too. Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon said they moved the show up two weeks because they believe in the show. Jon said that they shortened The Voice to make that happen too. He said Howard always wants to do well. Gary said of course he gives a shit how he does.
Gary and Jon talked about seeing people from the show appearing on camera last night. They went over a few of those people. Gary said he thinks that they should talk about how Ronald Mund has returned and Ronnie seems to have gone away. He said that Ronald is like a caterpillar nand he should return to normal in a couple of months.
Jon asked Gary how Robin leaves her phone in Pittsburgh. Gary said he doesn't know. He said he told Robin yesterday that he was going to call her. She said that was fine. He said they have a database of numbers for everyone there and Robin has a bunch of different ones. He said Fred has like 2 and Robin has 4 times that. Gary said he doesn't even know where to begin when he looks at that list.
Gary said he thinks Robin might be a little nervous. He said he gets that. Jon said that you just have to wait for the results of the tests.
Jon said that Bubba called in but he wasn't able to talk about the article Howard had. He said he thinks that he knows plenty about it but he just doesn't want to talk about it. Jon also said they have to talk about JD not being able to chew his pretzel. Gary said he could have spit it out if he couldn't chew it. Jon said even that turned into a 20 minute discussion.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when they'll know the ratings for last night. Jon said they should be coming in now as they're speaking. He said that if you go to Zap2it.com or a TV show related site like that they should have the ratings.
Jon took a call from a woman who said Howard looks terrible with short hair. She said that it looks like an afro. Gary said he hasn't had long hair in a really long time. Gary said it's been short for a long time. She also asked about Robin's pee bag and what's going on with that. Gary said she has trouble peeing and she's getting tests done to find out what's wrong. Benjy said they told her she has a growth in there. He said he saw her in the bathroom today and he's not sure what's really going on.
Jon said that they were talking about how Howard is on a network TV show now. He asked if this is a crowing achievement for Howard. Gary said he thinks it is. He said it's a big deal to be on a big network like that.
Jon said that Howard was sensitive about talking about the show today but today is the day since the show premiered last night. Gary said you can't avoid talking about it if everyone else is talking about it. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked JD if he thinks he's being supportive of Howard on AGT. JD said he doesn't know. He said he has a lot of support around him. He said he did watch the show last night. He said it's part of his job. He said it's his duty as a worker there to watch the show. Jon asked JD how the reviews are so far. JD said he's hardly seen anything negative at all. He said everyone seems to like him on the show.
Jon asked JD about Ralph and Tony appearing on the show. JD said in some shots you see Ronnie standing around. He said he wasn't doing all that much.
Jon asked Ronnie if he knew he'd be part of the show. Ronnie said he didn't know what they were going to cut out. Gary asked if he makes a face when he's standing there. Ronnie said he's not the TV star.
Gary said that the rumor is that Ronald is the one hanging around and Ronnie is very quiet. Ronnie said that Leiberman was trying to start some crap with the blow job thing. He said he was trying to stir up some shit about the block party too. He said Scott quit again. Gary told him to save it for tomorrow. Ronnie said they got JD a plane ticket already. Gary said they'll talk more about that tomorrow. Ronnie said he has nothing to do with it. He said he tried talking to him today about it. Gary said they should save that for tomorrow.
Jon asked Ronnie if they're getting the wrong impression about him being Ronald now. Ronnie said they are. He said people are trying to start shit with him all over.
Gary asked where the mass is that Robin is talking about. Benjy said it's in the area of the bladder or uterus area. Gary said Sal thought it was in the ureter or something like that so he told him to just go in and talk to Howard about it.
Jon said Sal is very defensive about his medical knowledge. He said he went to school for something like that. Jon Leiberman came in and said that Ronnie has been off for the past week or so. He said Ronnie is refusing to talk to the news department. Gary said Ronnie told him that Langford was his friend but he doesn't know what Leiberman is. Ronnie said that Langford called him last week just to say hello.
Jon asked JD if he thinks there's a rivalry there or is there a bromance going on. JD said he thinks that it might be a big of a bromance. He said Jon is more fun than Scott the Engineer at this point. Gary asked if he missed the Scott fun stage.
Leiberman said anything he asks Ronnie about he'll back off on. He said that he asked him about getting a colonoscopy and he backed off after promising Gary that he'd get one. Ronnie said that it's a pain in the ass and he doesn't want to do it. Gary said that it could save his life. Gary said that it's something that they couldn't do 40 years ago. Gary said he heard that Ronnie has made appointments but he's canceled them. Ronnie said he doesn't like the idea of getting stuff shoved up his ass. He said they fucked up Wood Yi one time and he doesn't want that.
Jon asked Ronnie if he was impressed with the show last night. Ronnie said he was. Gary said he had no idea what Nick Cannon did on the show and he thought he did a good job.
Jon asked Ronnie what kind of affect the show has on Howard. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Leiberman said that Ronnie taped Gossip Girl with his VCR so he could watch that show. Ronnie said that Leiberman didn't watch the whole show. Jon said he DVR'd the rest of the show. He said he hasn't watched that second hour yet. Ronnie said that's some reporter.
Benjy said that Langford watched the whole show. Leiberman said that's not his beat. He said his job is asking Ronnie the tough questions. Gary mentioned Lisa G having the style beat. Ronnie said Lisa had this outfit on at the Today show and she looked like she was dressed to go to Scores.
Jon said that Leiberman and Ronnie are like an old married couple at this point. Ronnie kept referring to Leiberman as M25 which was a hair color reference. Leiberman said he doesn't dye his hair. Leiberman said he'd bet 30 million that his hair isn't dyed. He said he'd bet all of the money he gets from Richard blowing him that it's not dyed.
Jon moved on to talk about Bubba the Love Sponge and what Howard was trying to talk to him about. Bubba wasn't willing to talk about that story in the Enquirer. Benjy asked why they think he can't talk about it. Gary said he may not be able to or he just doesn't want to.
Benjy said maybe he's worried about some settlement with Heather or maybe he's trying to protect Hulk. Gary said those are all questions they would have asked Bubba if he would have been willing to talk about it.
Jon asked Ronnie if he would keep a tape like that if he took one. Benjy said he'll tape stuff on his computer but just for a second. Jon asked JD if he's ever done it. JD said he doesn't want any video of himself out there. He said he would never do that. Gary said he came close to doing it once but the girl backed out. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said he was the one who screwed up Kyle's last name. Jon said that Kyle sat on the side for most of the interview and that's how they seem to work. Gary said that Howard pokes fun at that and he thinks Kyle gets it.
Gary said Robin pointed out something interesting. Jack had turned right to her and they pretend they have no idea who they are and maybe they should turn the radio off in the green room for guests like that. They hear everything they say before the show.
Steve asked if Gregg should tell Ronnie when he's wrong about the name of the band. Gary said that he probably should have let it go but it's a natural reaction to tell them. He said that it could have insulted the guests too if he had screwed up.
Jon said that Gary got upset when Jack said that Robert Plant can't hit the high notes anymore. Gary said there was a time when he could hit the notes. He said that it was the crappy tour he did in the 90s and he was doing the jazzy kind of stuff that Jack had seen.
JD said he just got a note from someone asking if he was walking around asking where Tenacious D was. JD said Will just told him to come down and ask about it. They had just discussed it so they told JD that Will was just trying to make a fool out of him.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she loved Jack Black and Howard on AGT. He asked Benjy if he was serious about Robin using the health problem to get attention. She said that's not funny. She said that he's not fun or funny. Benjy said that he doesn't trust people who are superfans of the show. Gary said he's not sure what's going on with Robin but if she did want attention then she would call Howard the day before the show. Benjy said he admires what Robin is going through to seek attention. He said that it's great that she's staying calm and going through this the way she is. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to the Wrap Up Show from yesterday. He said the satellite in his car went out so he wasn't able to listen yesterday. He said the brain inside the car went out. Howard asked why it's so difficult. He said he's had it happen before too. He said they hid the brain in the car somewhere it can't be reached so he has to bring it to the dealer to get it fixed.
Howard said JD was on the Wrap Up Show after coming in with the pretzel in his mouth. He said he wasn't able to swallow it. Robin said it was very odd that he wasn't able to figure out how to get rid of it. She said he tried to get rid of it but it kept lasting and lasting.
Howard said JD was trying to explain why he couldn't get rid of it. Howard played a clip of JD's explanation. In the clip Jon Hein asked why he didn't just swallow it. JD said he didn't have water and he didn't want to start choking on the air. JD said they're very dry and it could cause an issue.
Howard said JD is funny. Most people just chew up and swallow their food. Ronnie came in and said the car is going out to Long Island tomorrow to get fixed. He said the brain is in the ceiling of the car. He said they just have to unplug it and plug it back in. Howard asked why they can't put it somewhere they can reach it. Ronnie said that's a good question. Howard said they have to regularly reboot it and he doesn't understand that. Ronnie said he's able to unplug his brain because it's behind his seat. Howard said it's crazy they have to be without it for a week. Ronnie said it's a two second thing. He said he has to slide the radio out and that might take 10 minutes.
Howard asked Ronnie if Scott the Engineer is off the Ronnie's Block Party tour. Ronnie said as far as he knows he is done. He said last week everything was fine and then Monday morning he wanted to have another meeting. He said he doesn't want to have meetings. Howard said he may have riled him up by accident. He said he told Scott that he was under the impression that they had made a deal and he should stick with the deal. Gary said he heard there are people ready to sue Scott over this. Howard said he can't quit and leave them hanging.
Shuli came in and said that Scott has quit before so this isn't unusual. He said Scott is the only one that thinks there was a partnership. He said he can't split the money down the middle for all of them.
Shuli said that Ronnie only wants to be home on Sunday so he can be ready for work on Monday. No one else on the tour complains other than Scott. Howard said Scott thinks that he could get any comic to front the show. Shuli said he said ''any two bit comic'' could replace him.
Shuli said he wanted to work this out so they sat down last week and talked. He said they worked it all out and things were fine. He said he was going to give him a flat fee and then bump him up if they make good money at the show. He said he would give him more if he could. Scott agreed to it. Then he went home and on Monday morning he came back to work and said he wanted to have another meeting. Shuli said that Ronnie didn't want to do another meeting. They did it anyway and they sat down and Scott was back to square one. Shuli told Scott that he had to say if he was in or out. Scott said he'd let him know on Tuesday. Shuli said he asked Scott what was going on and he ended up quitting. Shuli said if he split it 50/50 with Scott he'd never be happy. He said Scott doesn't trust him so he can't work with someone who doesn't trust him.
Ronnie said that Shuli is the headliner and he should get more money for what he does. Ronnie said they have a couple of other comics who should get paid too. Ronnie said he doesn't care what they're making. He said he's happy with how much he gets. Ronnie said the people are thrilled to see them when they go out.
Shuli said the first few shows they did they lost money. He said he made sure that Scott and Ronnie got paid. He said Scott didn't ask to see the books then. He said he took the money and ran. He said Scott has the balls to say this isn't even about the money. Shuli said it's about the money and he should admit it. Shuli said Scott says he wants respect but he shits all over him.
Howard said they could take JD to the block party or take Sal. Shuli said there's a line of people who want to go on the tour. Ronnie said he thinks that Sal gets big money. Shuli said he's not sure what he gets but everyone wants big money.
Shuli said he makes more money than Scott. He said that it's about a difference of $5-800. He said that it's not that much. Howard said that sounds like it's not that much.
Scott came in so Howard told him it sounds fair to him. Scott said he's not going to argue about this. He said they all agreed to do the shows and they all made money from the start. Shuli said that he didn't make money on the first few shows. Scott said they were supposed to take equal amounts. Shuli said that was at the start. Shuli said that in the first 3 shows they did Scott got $800. Scott said that was only one show. He said they said he had to take less after that. Scott said they all agreed to take less.
Shuli said that Scott went from $500 to $2,500. Scott said it's not exactly like that. Shuli asked why he's the only one who has a problem. Scott said he's the only one who made an agreement. Ronnie did too but he apparently doesn't give a shit.
Howard asked if they ever said they were going to split it 3 ways. Shuli asked Ronnie if he ever said that. Scott said they all agreed to take the same amount of money. Ronnie said they never said that.
Shuli said that Scott is out and they're going to bring various people out to the shows. They'll have JD on some and maybe Jason will come out or maybe Tracey Millman will come out. Howard asked Shuli if he would bring Steve Brandano out. Ronnie said they know him from the Intern Show so he would bring him out.
Scott said he made it easy on them and got out. Ronnie said they're going to do a mystery guest thing where they bring out someone from the show so you don't know who's coming.
Shuli is wiling to bring a bunch of people from the show to the block party shows. He said he might have to draw the line at Ross Zapin.
Scott said he heard that he was doing a barbecue up in Toronto. He never agreed to that. Ronnie said that just went up like 2 days ago. They're going to have a meet and greet up there because they had so many people who weren't going to be able to get to the show.
Gary told Howard to ask about how Shuli had an extra money making thing up in Toronto. Shuli said he was going to surprise Scott with this. They were going to set up a dunk tank up there. He said he was going to let people pay 10 bucks to dunk him and let him keep all of the money. Scott said this isn't about the money. Scott said he thought it was an even split. Scott said when he asked to see the financials he got all of this crap. Shuli said that he has no problem showing him the financials but the guy stands on stage doing nothing for a couple of minutes. Howard said he should just show it to him. He said he blames Shuli for some of this.
Shuli said that Scott wants respect and he gives none himself. Shuli said he could never learn to do what he does. He said that he would love to see Scott do 10 minutes of material in a year after going to school. Shuli said he could learn to do what Scott does by going to school.
Ronnie asked if Scott was going to make his own block party. Scott said he made a joke about it. Shuli said he has a bunch of two bit comic names for Scott if he wants to do the show. Sal told Howard that Scott has already offered to do the Black Cloud tour. Scott said it was a joke. Gary said it didn't sound like a joke.
Howard said it's the end of Scott on the block party. Scott said he was fired but Ronnie and Shuli were saying that he quit. Scott said he thought they were all getting equal amounts. Ronnie said it wasn't a partnership and they never said they were splitting it equally.
Howard said Scott is turning down these weekends on his salary. Howard said he can't believe that. Shuli said they have all kinds of shit lined up and it's going to be huge. He said that he's told Scott about the long term plan. He said he had to beg the guy to put money in his pocket. He said he has to kiss his ass.
Howard asked Scott how he can walk away from that. Shuli said he can't believe he quit again. Shuli said he's never quit anything. He said he had 3,000 people wanting to kill him on stage in Philly at an Artie show once. He said he stayed up there and did it. He said Scott would have gotten paid. Scott said he knows that.
Howard said he thinks that Scott has such a good time at home that he doesn't want to go out and work. Ronnie said he should have said he was going to do Toronto and then he'd be done. He said the guy who booked him up there is pissed.
Howard said that's it then. He said he thinks that Scott is cutting off his nose to spite his face. Scott said he thought they had an agreement. Shuli and Ronnie both said there was no agreement. Gary said that's what people in the office are wondering about. Scott said they gave Shuli a number and he agreed to pay it. Then they agreed to split the money when they weren't doing well. Howard said it sounds like he wants more now that they're doing better.
Robin said that Scott could have said he was going to handle managing the whole thing. He doesn't do anything else. Scott said he doesn't do anything anywhere. He said he tried to do comedy but they wouldn't let him finish. Shuli said the audience was against it more than they were.
Howard said Ronnie's Block Party is now the Mystery Block Party. Scott the Engineer is out. Shuli said it's a mystery why people are buying tickets to the show. Howard said it does sound crazy to him. Ronnie said people love it.
Shuli said if Scott hadn't missed the Chicago/Arizona shows that weekend he might have some leverage. He said that JD came to that show and it turned out to be fine. They still had a huge turn out. Ronnie said Scott would have gotten more money that weekend if he had gone on that trip.
Shuli said Scott wanted him to write up a contract last week. He said on top of everything else he's doing he wanted him to make up a contract. Scott said that he wanted to make sure nothing changes. Shuli said it's different every time because they have different expenses every time. Scott said he wasn't consulted on the changes. Robin said he has an understanding that no one else has. Howard said he's not sure how to resolve this. He said he guesses it is since he isn't going to be on the Block Party now.
Howard said this reminds him of Jackie. He said that Jackie flew with him on a private jet one time and stuffed his face full of free shrimp and during that trip he said it was probably his last trip since his contract was going to be up. Howard said Jackie thought that he was holding him back from having a bigger career. He said he and Jackie talked about what he would do if he left the show. He said Jackie wanted him to open the books to him too. He said Jackie said the books had to be opened if he wanted him to continue. Howard said he never had the understanding that there would be a 3 way split. Shuli said they didn't have that with Scott either.
Howard said Jackie was upset that Fred and Robin were making more than him but he had no idea if they were or not. Howard said no one knows. Shuli said he can understand what Howard went through now.
Shuli said he was talking to a guy the other day who just started doing comedy and he was happy making $25 to do stand-up. Howard said it's over for Scott then. Scott seemed okay with that.
Howard said it's over everyone. Shuli said the Block Party is reborn. They'll have JD and some mystery guests on the show.
Shuli said that JD is all over this thing now. Howard said that JD got a taste of the money and the girls. Howard said he's still talking to the girls he hooked up with on the road. Ronnie said JD already told him that he's going on the L.A. trip in September.
Howard had JD come in and explain why he's Mr. Block Party all of a sudden. He had a problem getting the headphones on. JD said they're new. Howard said they're the same as the old ones. JD said they're different. He told Howard that it's fun to go out with Ronnie and he had a great time with them doing the shows. He said Ronnie is all party. JD said they do have a good time so he's happy to go.
Ronnie said there was no argument about going to Toronto. JD said his demands were met so there is no problem. Howard asked if they're going to meet new chicks. Ronnie said he has girls asking for JD already. Shuli said he's like a Twitter pimp.
Shuli said they had girls running up to the stage with their hands out for Ronnie and JD. He said that would never happen to these guys. Howard asked if JD is getting the money Scott was making. Ronnie and Shuli said of course he is. Ronnie said they have a bunch of shows coming up and it's going to be great for them.
Howard asked if JD is set for Toronto. He asked if he has anything set. JD said it's Ronnie's Block Party so he'll follow his lead. Howard said it would be funny if in 10 years JD is paying child support to women all over the country. Howard said this whole thing is crazy. He wished them luck with this thing. Ronnie said it's all because of Howard.
Robin said she can't believe that Scott is going to turn down $2,500 and sit home mowing the lawn. Shuli said it was his big Jerry Maguire moment. Shuli said he heard that Scott went to Sal and Richard asking if they wanted to do the Black Cloud tour. Ronnie was upset with that.
Howard said ever since JD did well on that Ugly Meter app JD has been getting girls. Ronnie said he doesn't want to talk about that.
Shuli said he got an email from Grillo after he fired Scott. He said that Grillo said he can do 5 minutes and he won't complain. He said he might give him a shot. He said even someone like KC might end up being a mystery guest. Shuli said it's like a variety show.
King of All Blacks called in and said he thinks that Scott's wife must be behind this. Howard said she must want money too. Howard said Jackie's wife got blamed for things like that too but in the end it was Jackie.
King said he'd be a mystery guest. Shuli said they don't have black people on the tour. He was joking of course. He said they might have King show up.
Howard played a clip where Leiberman talked about how Ronnie has a VCR and he used it to tape Gossip Girl the other day. Howard said his dad still has a VCR. Ronnie said he has about 500 VCR tapes. He said he got them from when his mom died and he cleaned out her house. Howard said that's like his dad.
Howard said Ronnie didn't want to tweet but he'd love TiVo like he loves tweeting. Howard laughed when he heard that he still uses the VCR. Ronnie said he doesn't even set it to record, he hits the record button at the right time.
Ronnie said that Leiberman has said it's not his beat to cover America's Got Talent so he didn't stay up late to watch the first night. Howard said even he's been staying up late to watch the show.
Robin said she can't believe that Ronnie has a VCR. Howard said his dad has one and he has to set it up to record stuff.
Howard said they didn't beat Dancing with the Stars. They came in second place. Howard said he thinks that they'll be number one in a couple of weeks. He said the network was thrilled with how they did in the ratings with some demographics. Howard said that last year they debuted without any competition. Howard said he would have preferred that with this season but they put them on two weeks early. Howard said they had over 10 million viewers and he thinks they'll do great over the summer.
Howard said the guys at NBC told him that they needed something to put on and they were happy with the ratings. Howard said he would have liked to have been number one overall instead of the 18-49 demographic. Howard said they blame him for the ratings if they don't do well. He said that it's not just his show. Howard said it felt really good though. He said he thinks that people like him on the show.
Eric asked Howard why they cut Howie's funny line to the opera singer. Howard said they cut a lot of lines. He said Howie gets them cut and he does too. Eric said Howie had a funny line about how that singer helped everyone in there take a shit. Robin said that's why they cut it. It's a family TV show. Howard said they are very careful about what they do. He said that if Howie's line gets cut you have to think about how you explain it to the kids. Eric said they bleeped Howard saying he was an asshole. Howard said that's not so bad these days.
Eric said that in the beginning they had Howie fly in on a jet pack. He said he knows it wasn't really him. Howard said he's not sure what happened there. He said he saw him walking around with a helmet on. He said he didn't ask if he really did it. He said he would have assumed it wasn't him knowing his fears of everything. Howard said he doesn't know for sure though.
Eric said the one thing he wanted to say about one of the contestants, the contortionist dancer, is that he's good but they should ask if he's ever been diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos. Howard said he stopped listening to what Eric was asking. He said this isn't interesting. Gary told Howard to send him 20 packs of gum and hang up. Eric told Gary to shut up. He also told Gary he didn't manipulate his list. Howard told Eric he really has to go. Eric said he'll talk to him next week.
Howard said he has a guest coming in. He said that he would have tried to convince Eric that Howie flies aroudn the country with a jet pack all the time if he had the time.
Bobo called in and said that the best show on TV is AGT. He said that Opera guy was great. Howard said the show is so well produced. He said the show is really good. He said he's proud to be on it. Howard said he likes watching the show. He said that he didn't know they were going to show the New York shows next week. Howard said they don't tell him when they're going to show which stuff.
Bobo said he liked that contortionist guy. Howard said they have a lot of interesting stories. Howard said that kid has had a really tough life. Howard said he doesn't let their personal stories affect him though. He said they rejected a lot of people that had sad stories. Howard said he hit the buzzer on a lot of veterans and it's not easy to do.
Robin said that she wanted that Stern fan to be good but she really wasn't. Howard said he had to let her try. He held off on hitting his buzzer. Howard said they have some amazing things on the show. He said what's cool is that there are so many people up to weird stuff. He said that they're everyday people. Howard said they're not showbiz pros at all.
Howard asked what this guy told her. Robin said she was a mess last night. Howard told her she should have called. Robin said she wanted to let him enjoy his show.
Howard asked what's going on with the new guy. Robin said he went along this line of what they might have to do to remove this thing. She said the mass is the size of a grapefruit. She said the outcome may not be that good. She said that it's not a death thing but the outcome isn't acceptable to her. She said she doesn't want to talk about it. Howard asked if it's from the enemas that she takes. Robin said it's not from that. Howard told her not to shoot water up her asshole. He said he has to give her a lecture. Howard said she has everything in there.
Howard said he's going to blame the enemas. Robin said she went to an Indian healer. Howard asked if the guy started chanting when she walked in. Robin said she might go back and get some Ayahuasca again. Howard said that's probably what got her. He said they probably shoved a rock up her ass. Howard said he may have to pray for her now. Howard said it was so boring when he went to temple with Sandra Bernhard. Howard said he can pray for her tonight since there's no AGT. Howard said it's kind of sad that there isn't any AGT.
Robin said she was able to stay up and watch AGT last night. She said she's getting more into it now. Bobo asked if he knows what acts are coming up. Howard said they really don't. They just get their name.
Bobo asked if that was really Nick standing on top of the Golden Gate Bridge. Howard said it really is. He said Nick is great on the show. He said he really relates to people. Howard said AGT will be the number one TV show this summer. He said he's sure of that. He said it's never gone on during May sweeps before.
Howard said in two weeks they'll be the number one show. Howard said that's his prediction. He said he believes that even though he doesn't understand network TV.
Bobo brought up one of the acts where the guy did a great painting in 90 seconds. Howard said he thought that guy was amazing. He thought that they were painting him but then he realized it wasn't really him. He said he wondered if he should tell people what a narcissist he really is. He admitted it on the show. He said he turned to Howie and Sharon and told them that he's an asshole. He said some of that stuff is the best stuff on that show.
Robin said that they're not disagreeing enough for her. Howard told her to keep watching. He said they do disagree. Howard said this is the time to be more playful. They cut down the acts in Las Vegas. He said they do have a lot of disagreements. Howard said some of them they just agree on because they're just good. Robin said some of the dance acts weren't very good. She said Howie did disagree a bit. Howard said he liked that guy Turf. Robin said he was special. Howard said he really has to take a break so he can get to Andy Richter. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Andy Richter hasn't been there since he was promoting the Conan O'Brien Tonight show. Howard said he heard that they did a million dollars researching what they should call Conan's show. Conan said that has to be bullshit. Howard asked where they get started. Robin said they must be started right here.
Andy said there is too much information about entertainment and they make this stuff up. Howard asked if he's there to claim that he's still on TV. Andy laughed and said he is. He said ''I'm still on TV, mom!''
Howard said he was one of the people to defend Conan during the Leno thing. He asked if he read Bill Carter's book (The War for Late Night: When Leno Went Early and Television Went Crazy). Andy said he did and he thought he was too easy on Leno. Howard said he felt that he wasn't a Leno fan. Andy said it's been a while since he read the book. He said he read it as soon as it came out. He said he had to look for things about himself in the book.
Howard asked Andy if he spoke to Bill about the book. Andy said he didn't officially do that. He said there were particular episodes in the book that he was part of and he got them really right but he didn't participate in it. He said there were conversations that he was part of that he got right.
Andy said he had to call Jay Leno to apologize for some things he said about him. Howard asked who did that. Andy said it was some people at NBC. He said it was while the froth was churning over there. Andy said that Jay did an interview with some trade paper and his 10 o'clock show was going shitty. Jay was asked about if the show would be back to normal if it was on at 11:30 and Jay said if they offered him the show back at 11:30 he'd take it. Andy said all he said was that it wasn't a very classy answer. He said that's what he had to apologize for. He said they gave him Jay's number and he made the call.
Howard asked Andy if he did it just so he doesn't have to buck the system. Andy said he had to remember what his position was there. He said he had to eat a little crow.
Howard asked how the phone call went. Andy said he was given a phone number and he had to make the call pretty early. He said he said this thing and it wasn't even out yet and Jay was already calling about it. He said Jay was complaining about what he was saying and it wasn't even out. Howard said Jay claims that nothing upsets him but it really does. Howard said Jay called him once and he told him to fuck off.
Andy said he called Jay and he got a very happy ''Hello?'' when he picked up. He said that Jay told him that he must know how these guys are. He did his impression of Jay talking to him. He said he felt like he had a higher status in this situation since Jay was explaining himself to him. Andy said the best thing that happened out of the thing was that Jay said that they should settle things between each other. He said Jay told him to call him if he has a problem.
Andy said they were trying to build this show and Jay's show was like cinder blocks on their feet. He said they said that the lead in wasn't the cause for their problems but that's just not the case. He said that the local news was getting dragged down too. They were down by 50 percent in some markets because of Jay's TV show.
Andy said he knows Howard said that Jay should have just walked away as soon as NBC booted him. Howard said he should have done his own show on FOX or ABC or whatever. He said he stuck aroudn at NBC and did that shitty lead in show. Andy said they weren't able to make a decision to divorce someone to marry someone else at NBC.
Howard asked Andy if they would have been better off taking the deal to go on at midnight. Andy said that was their way of pushing them off on an ice flow and they would have gone off and starved. Howard said they're doing fine at TBS but they could have had a bigger audience at NBC. Andy said after seeing the way they manage talent there it would have been ''Look how good Jay is doing...'' and things like that. He said putting the shows next to each other wouldn't have worked. He said he thinks that they could have made the Tonight Show their own and had it live up to the franchise. He said Conan only had 7 months to try. Jay had 2 years before he beat Letterman. He said Jay had 2 years of fucking up before he beat Letterman.
Howard asked if there was a perception of Jay wanting the better guests on his 10 o'clock show. Andy said that was absolutely going on. He said they were still the little brother and they were going to get the hand-me-downs. Howard asked if it hurt their bookings. Andy said it did.
Robin asked how it comes about that Conan is decided to be the successor for Jay Leno. Andy said that was NBC not wanting to let anyone go. Howard said they gave him that deal when FOX was after Conan and NBC was afraid of losing him. Robin said that no one talked to Jay about it and he could have been pissed too. Howard said he should have left. They basically dumped Jay.
Howard said if they had done that to him at NBC he would have said ''fuck you guys'' and walked away. Andy said he thinks that Jay was angry at NBC. He said he's a creature of habit and he wears the same clothes every day. He said he doesn't know if he could go to another network. Howard said he would want to shove a shive up their ass if they did that to him. Howard said he can't believe Jay stuck aroudn after what they did to him.
Andy said he wanted to say that he's not the ingrate who is just bitching. He said he's very happy at TBS. He said he loves what they do now. He said they have a lot of fun doing it and Conan owns the show. He said he never would have had that at NBC. Howard asked what that means. Andy said he owns it all and no one can come in and tell him to do it differently. They can suggest it but not demand it.
Howard asked if they've gotten notes about what they're doing. Andy said they did a bit where they reenacted the John Travolta thing and they had to blur out a peanut that had an erection. He said it's just a peanut with a peanut coming off of it. He said they had to blur it out so that's the sort of thing that's not cool. He said they had to show them the blurred version.
Gary came in and asked Andy if he knew about this note in the Bill Carter book where they say that Howard could not be a guest on the Tonight Show in the last week. Andy said that is true and they didn't want Howard to come on the show. Howard said they were afraid of him going after Jay. Howard asked who tells them that he's not allowed on the show. Andy said he just heard about it from Conan. Howard said it would have been so great. Andy said Conan isn't a shit stirrer so he wouldn't want to do that.
Howard asked Andy if he liked Conan's beard. Andy said he thought he looked like Johnny Quest's dad. He said it stated out as a depression beard.
Howard asked how depressed Conan was. Andy said he let Conan be for a couple of weeks after the whole thing went down. He said that was Conan's dream job and it was taken away. He said it was like he was being rejected by everyone. Then there was this swell of support for the show that was fantastic. Howard said it was kind of like the way they treated Chevy Chase. He said that FOX Fired him after touting him as the next greatest thing and then firing him and bad mouthing him. Howard said NBC did the same thing to Conan. Howard said he could have been completely ruined if he hadn't gotten a job at TBS. Howard said Conan wasn't ready to hang it up. Andy said he still has the urge to do it. Andy said he likes doing it but Conan really likes doing it.
Andy and Howard talked about the story about Jay hiding in a closet to find out what was going on with the Tonight Show many years ago. Andy said he hides behind a lot of things to make himself seem more like everyone else. He said he claims that he only spends the money he makes on stand-up and he saves the money from his Tonight Show gig. He said that doesn't make people like him any better. People can't relate to that.
Andy got back to the story about his phone call to Jay. He said he and Jay talked about what he said about him and how he asked Jay if he called Conan about what he said about how he'd take his show back. He said Jay lied to him about it and he knows Jay knew that he knew that he was lying.
Howard said he told Jay why he was upset with him and Jay asked if they were still friends. Howard said he told him they're not friends. He said he thinks Jay is a jerk and he told him that in a phone call. Howard said the guy is crazy. He said the guy is doing well though.
Howard asked Andy if he watched to see who was going on Jay's show. Andy said he didn't do it so much for him but people at work kind of bitched about it. Howard asked who went on that upset him. Andy said he can't remember particularly. He said he knows where were some who were friendly with them. He said he honestly can't remember who they were. Howard said he would never say anything to them but it would bother him.
Howard asked how the show is going. Andy said TBS is thrilled with the way things are going. He said he honestly doesn't know how the show is doing. He said he can't do anything about it if they're not doing well with women 17 years old. He said he's not going to wear a Hanna Montana t-shirt or anything. Andy said he has the best job in show business. He said he writes for the show but not in the way he used to. He said he does his thing and then goes home. He said they only do 4 shows a week.
Andy said he gets to work aroudn 10-11, sometimes earlier so he can go to the gym. He said he takes a gravy bath there. Howard asked if he's lost weight. Andy said he goes up and down. He said he's not in bad shape. Howard said he has put on a few. Andy said he's been Baby Huey all his life. Andy said he put on a lot of weight at Conan's show in the early days. He said he was there 16 hours a day and all of the food was take out. Andy said he put on like 40 pounds and it was scary. Andy said he's always been dumpy though. He said he got on a diet and he got down to 220. He said that was the lowest he ever got. He said he's 270 now but he's 6'2'' tall.
Howard asked if George Lopez said that they did to him what Jay did to them. Andy said he doesn't think he ever said that. Robin said they did ask him to move his show later. George agreed to do it. Andy said he got a nice lead in too. He was getting more than he used to. He said it was good for him to have them as a lead in.
Howard said he noticed that the first couple of shows they were very tight. He said they didn't seem comfortable. He said it seemed like it had stiffened up a bit. Howard said it's so weird because you move to 11:30 but it should be the same show. Andy said people get in your ear and tell you that you have to please the old ladies. Howard asked if it was wrong to move to Los Angeles. Andy said that they're back on the thing of booking guests. Howard said that's true, look at who he has as a guest right now. Howard said he was just joking of course.
Howard asked Andy if he misses New York. Andy said he does. Howard said Conan doesn't appear to miss it. Andy said Conan has become Mr. Hollywood.
Howard asked if Andy is developing a game show or something. Andy said he was part of a remake of one of those Pyramid shows. He said they were going to go into a soap opera slot but they went with The Talk instead. He said that's a big shock, Les went with a show that his wife is on. Howard said he just went on The Talk and it'll air on Thursday. Howard said he told them that he won't do the Tonight Show.
Howard asked Andy if he was pissed that Letterman made up with Jay in that Super Bowl commercial. Andy said he doesn't think they were as pissed as Jimmy Kimmel was. Andy said it's like a mafia thing and it's just business. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Howard said people have tried to explain it to him but he doesn't know.
Howard got back to Julie Chen from The Talk. Howard said he was with his wife years ago and he took Beth out to Gucci to buy something. He said they were there and he sees this hot chick there. He said she was trying on her clothes and he saw Les Moonves sitting there. Howard said he realized it was Julie Chen. He said she was so hot and he probably had a rod in his pants. Howard said he and Les looked at each other like ''Can you believe this?'' He jokingly said they jerked off together. He said he jerked Les off and then Les Jerked him off.
Howard said he told Julie that Les can't possibly satisfy her. Howard said she's like the wild cheerleader and he told Sharon that. Howard said he and Julie talked about that during the break. Howard said he said he's the one who could handle that.
Howard said Andy is still on Conan and they're on Monday through Thursday on TBS. Andy said they're doing shows from Chicago soon. He said that's what they can do with the show once in a while. Howard said the company wants him to do Las Vegas shows and he really doesn't want to do that because nothing new happens. Howard said Andy is going to be in Chicago starting June 11.
Howard said he found out that Andy was hired on Conan's show because of Bob Smigel. Andy said that Bob was a friend and he went out to write the Hans and Franz movie that was never made. He said Last Action Hero was such a flop that he put a stop to the movie. He said that he didn't want to make fun of his image anymore. Andy said he met Robert out there. He said that Robert is still writing and doing work with Adam Sandler. He said he's still in New York and he has a family and all of that.
Howard asked what's up with Andy's wife. Andy said she's upset that they got a puppy and then he goes to New York. He said she was on a show called Strangers with Candy that was on comedy Central. Andy said the marriage is going good though.
Howard asked Andy if he wants the paparazzi to take pictures of him. Andy said he walked by some photographers once and he thought they were going to take his picture. He said one of the photographers just said ''Hey Andy'' and didn't even raise his camera.
Howard said Andy was at the Jimmy Kimmel party and he didn't recognize it was Andy. Howard said he didn't know he was coming and he realized after he left that he had seen him. He said that he thought about it and how he locked eyes with him and it didn't hit him that it was Andy. Andy said he tried to say hi but Howard was busy. Howard said it might be best that he didn't say hi because he may not have known it was him. Howard said everyone at the party was wearing name tags and that was for him because he has a hard time with names.
Andy said he wrote the name tag like a kid. He said he hopes to make the next party. Andy said he had a fun time there. He said he had to leave early because his wife got so drunk. He said she had a shot of some of Johnny Knoxville's moonshine. He said his wife said something that made him realize that she was really drunk. Andy said that she was nervous and excited to be there. Howard said his wife drank that stuff too. He said he told her she doesn't know where it came from.
Howard started to wrap up with Andy. Andy said it was great seeing him. Howard told him to say hi to Conan for him. Andy said he's sorry to hear about Robin's problems. Howard said she had better be okay because he isn't going to work alone.
Andy told Howard he's going to be in Madagascar 3. Howard said he'd like to do a voice. He did his cartoon voice and it was his Leno impression. Howard did his Jimmy Carter impression and it was the same thing. Howard asked Andy about what he gets paid to do the cartoon. Andy said it's good money for what you have to do. He said that he doesn't really have to work with the other people much. He said that Chris Rock told him that once they came to his hotel to record him. Andy said he plays a lemur in the movie.
Andy told Howard how Jada Pinkett Smith went into this long explanation for her character and he sat there listening. He said he didn't want to be a dick but he just told them that he was shown a picture and he did a voice. He didn't have a big explanation for his character.
Andy said his voice is a lot of screaming and it's very high. He did some of the voice for Howard. Andy said they tell you that you're playing a rabbit and they don't want you to make it cartoony. He said he thinks that it should stand out. Howard said he wants to do a lemur voice. He did his Leno impression again.
Andy asked Howard about seeing the Sybian out on the floor. Howard said they're using it for the World's Strongest Woman contest they have coming up.
Andy asked why they can't do insertion. Howard said they don't want to have hard core stuff on In Demand. Howard said he's not sure he even wants to cross that line. Andy asked what the difference is between that and the bristly thing they sit on. Howard said he should ask a virgin that question. Howard said he has no problem with nudity on the show. He said if you're having some fun then great. He said once you have full, blown out porno then it's something different. Howard said he has daughters so at some point it gets really dark. He said there is a line there somewhere.
Andy said he used to hang out with some gay guys and they'd go out and play pool and stuff. He said there would come a time in the evening when he realized it was time to go. that would be when they were at the gay bar and there would be a hard core porn playing on a screen and he would just say that it was time for him to go. Howard wrapped up with Andy and gave him some plugs for Conan and the special Chicago shows they're doing. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they have this contest coming up but they're still setting up so he'll take some calls. Howard took a call from one guy who said his wife really liked Howard on AGT. That got them back on the subject of AGT. Howard said the audiences there are insane. He said they're very vocal. Howard said when you're on that stage it's scary. He said the performers have to be scared out there. Howard said they put up their money to get up there because AGT doesn't pay them to come out. Howard said they put everything on the line. Howard said some of them live in horrible conditions. Howard said some of these people have talent and they were living on the streets for years. He said they break down when they get to show that talent and they're told they might be on to something. Robin said that contortionist lst night didn't even have friends with him. He just showed up on his own.
Howard said they had some dancers who were crying and they basically practice for 5 hours a day. He said they're overwhelmed. Howard said these are regular people and not show business people.
Gary said that the audition moves slow when they're shooting them. He said that his son was watching and he thought it was kind of corny. Gary said that he was almost crying when he saw one of the acts because the kid's parents were there crying.
Gary said he saw a girl that didn't get through that ended up crying. Howard said he knows the girl he's talking about. He said he thinks that some of her tears were showbiz tears. He said that he thinks that it was fake. Gary said they might be talking about two different people.
Gary said that Nick started to cry last night on the show. He said it was maybe with the father and daughter team. Howard said he's got to pull nick aside and tell him to pull it together.
Howard said that NBC was pleased with their ratings. He said they weren't number one but in a couple of weeks they will be... He thinks.
The caller brought up Robin's pee bag and said her name should be Pee Bag Bryson. Howard said that people have been sending in songs about Robin's pee bag. He had a new one from Little Mikey about how he wanted to drink from her pee bag.
Howard said the first girl up is Nikki Benz. Howard said she's a beauty. Howard asked Nikki if she thinks she can take this contest. She said she sure hopes so. Howard asked how much it would mean to her to win. She said it would mean a lot. Nikki said she wants to do the whole Sybian thing. Howard said Nikki is a porn star. He said she's not making movies presently though. She was under contract with Penthouse magazine. Nikki said she's been doing feature appearances at strip clubs.
Howard said he read that Nikki plans on going to Europe and bang a new guy every week there. Howard said that's some vacation. Nikki said she'll be going to Spain and Morocco, France, Italy, Greece and Sweden. Howard said he would imagine that she'll find young guys unlike him. Nikki said she'll do whoever she hits it off with.
Gary said he thought this was the world's strongest NAKED woman. She had a robe on. Howard said he was just spending a minute talking to her. He told Gary to calm down. Then he had Nikki take her robe off. Nikki took the robe off.
Howard said he heard that Nikki was hanging out with Michael Bay on the set of a movie. She said she did get to see what he does. She said she didn't date him or anything.
Howard asked Nikki about getting to fly a plane once. She said the pilot let her do that. Howard said his wife got to do that once too. He said the pilot had her sit on his lap to fly the plane.
Howard asked Nikki if she is a nymphomaniac. She said she does like having sex. She said she's up for a good time. Howard asked if she gets pissed when a guy finishes really fast. Nikki said she will get pissed. Howard said it's a compliment if they do. Howard said he can't go for long and that's a compliment. Nikki said the guy should be ready to go after 10 minutes or so. She said she has to be pleased too. Howard said he was with a woman he only lasted one stroke with. Howard said he waited 10 minutes and went one stroke in and one stroke out and he was done again. Howard said she was hot. Nikki said she's used to guys lasting 45 minutes with her. She said that she likes to do a bunch of different things and she wants the guy to last.
Howard moved on to the contest and told Nikki that they're giving her dumbbells and she has to hold them to her side above her breasts as long as she can. She's going to do that while she's sitting on the Sybian. Gary will be controlling that. Nikki got on and lifted the barbells up. Gary turned the Sybian up to full power. Nikki said it felt good. She lasted 30 seconds.
Howard had the next woman come in. Howard said Nikki was shaky after that. Howard said this was Heather Vandeven. She took her robe off immediately. Howard said he'd give her extra points for that if he could. Howard asked if she thinks she can beat her. Heather said the Sybian gets you quickly. She said that it controls you very quickly. Howard said Heather was a model and she still does that. Heather said she's doing a lot of pilaties lately. She said she's about 120 pounds and 5'7'' tall. She said she's very toned. Howard said she has a boyfriend and that's depressing. Heather said it's good for her. She said it's consistent sex. Howard asked how she keeps it real with just one guy.
Heather said she found a guy who is very freaky and very naughty. She said it's always different with them. She said they're into role play. Howard asked what that's about. She said they were out at a restaurant and they saw this dog at the place. She said that they went home and he started barking like a dog and she started calling him by the dog's name. Heather said she would say he's a bad dog and he'd just keep going.
Howard asked if Heather brings girls into the bed. She said that happens and it's very organic. She said that she has never planned something like that. She said it might happen after a party or something. Heather said she doesn't get jealous when her man does things with another woman. She said he can't use his penis on them but he can do other things like finger banging.
Howard asked Heather if she works at all. She said she does. She said she's working on a kegel exercise product. She said that it's in development right now. She said she's doing some modeling and she did some stuff with Penthouse too. She said that's how she was making a living.
Howard said it's time for heather to do her thing. Howard asked if she thinks that she'll beat Nikki's 30 seconds. Heather said we'll have to see. Howard told her that as soon as the weights drop below her breasts, it's over. Heather got on the Sybian and got confused about which way to face. Howard had Gary turn it on. Heather said it's really relaxing. Howard had her hold the weights up and Gary turned the Sybian on full power. Heather wasn't sure which way to put weight on her. She put the weights down after 25 seconds. Howard said Nikki is still in the lead.
Howard said that's a tough thing when you have the Sybian running. Howard asked if the girls know each other. They said hi and kissed.
Howard said the next woman is Justine Joli. Howard talked to her for a couple of minutes. He said she's been dancing lately. Justine told Howard where she's been working and how she's full nude in the show she does. She asked Howard and the guys to come out and see her. She said that everyone wears masks so no one knows who is there.
Howard found out that Justine has a husband and a boyfriend and girlfriend. Howard asked if her husband really loves her if he lets her have a boyfriend. She said he really loves her. Justine said that she has to go home at night and that's the one main rule. She said she won't spend the night with her boyfriend. Howard wondered how that works. He said he's not judging her or anything. He asked if the husband and boyfriend know each other. She said they have met. She said they don't do a foursome thing or anything like that. Howard asked if she would prefer that he tell her that he's jealous of the whole thing. She said that she set the ground rules from the beginning. She said she is a bi-sexual and she has to have a girlfriend.
Howard asked Justine about who her girlfriend is. Justine talked about her and how she gets to spend time with her. She said she'll take some photos and video and send them to her husband. She said he'll see them and bang her when he comes home. She said that he bangs her like 5 times a day when they have the time. Howard said that sounds like a lot. Justine said she thinks that she has a lot of testosterone in her body. Howard told Justine that she should be in a reality show. She said she's working on one.
Howard had Justine get on the Sybian so she could do her thing. Howard had her raise the weights up. She tried it and lasted 32 seconds. Howard said she's in first place now. Howard said Justine is in first, Nikki is in second and Heather is in third.
Howard had Sal come in because he's got a cowbell tied to his cock. He's part of the next event. He has to bend over the girls and they have to do sit ups and hit the bell with their heads. Sal said he did not shower. Howard said that Sal will hold still for the girls. Nikki is putting on a metal headband to ring the bell with.
Howard asked Nikki about what was grossing her out. She said it was his asshole. She said it's not that bad but it's not visually that pretty. Howard said they get 30 seconds to do as many sit ups as they can. They are going by the sound of the bell to count. Nikki did her sit ups and hit the bell every time. Nikki did 11 sit ups. Howard told her that if Justine did less than that then she wins.
Next up was Justine Joli. Howard asked her what she thinks about Sal's penis. She said she doesn't do pigs in a blanket. Sal said he doesn't do pigs. He said he wasn't talking about these girls. He was just saying. Howard told Justine the rules and Sal told her to stop with the drama and just get to it. Justine started her sit ups and managed to do 10. Justine said that he moved. Sal said it did wink at her. Howard said something big just happened. She said Nikki just got into first place. Howard said that we all can't win.
Howard said that Nikki just won 5 grand. He said that the other two get $500 courtesy of WhatsYourPrice.com. Howard said that Heather, Nikki and Justine are all in a Penthouse project together. The girls said they get to play themselves in Saint's Row The Third. All three of them are in it and you can make them nude online.
Sal asked if he could get in a plug. He said he's going to be at Brazzer's pool party out in Las Vegas. They have nude women out there and he'll be hosting the party there. He said his wife has no idea what it's really about so he's going to surprise her with that.
Howard asked Sal about how his sex life has been lately. Sal said it's been okay. He asked the girls if they would fuck him. The girls said they wouldn't after seeing his penis.
Howard asked if the girls had any plugs. They gave out their Twitter accounts so you can check them out at @NikkiBenz, @JustineJoli and @HotHeatherV. Howard wrapped up, gave some more plugs and went to break.
Howard came back and said his head is spinning. He said that Gregg Allman is coming in next week. He said his brother Duane was one of the best guitar players of all time. Howard said that it was pretty mind blowing the way they played. Howard said he thought they were done when Duane died.
Fred told Howard that they had to sell this song for $250 because he needed the money. He said he eventually got it back. Will Murray had the full story about that song. He said that this guy asked for co-writing credits on a song to give him some money for food. He still has the credit on the song to this day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he convinced his wife to watch AGT and she loved it. He said she wasn't a fan of Howard's before. Howard said he's honored. He said he wants people to watch and like it. He said he's gratified that they did well. He said he reads all of the reviews and twitter comments. Howard said it's mattering a little too much to him.
Howard said Jon Hein gave him a bunch of articles. He said they're pretty positive. Howard said Bill Carter wrote about the ratings and explained why they're good even though they weren't number 1. Howard read through some of that. Howard said they explain why they may have been down because of the competition. Howard said that people want him to fail so they get really jealous. Howard said some people are insanely jealous. Howard said he's thinking of a couple of people when he says that.
Howard said TV Guide just put out a rating of how he did as the host. Howard read that article and they said that he helped get the show more talked about than any season before. They gave him scores on things like his honesty, shock value, interaction with other judges and a couple of other things. Howard said Rolling stone had a whole article about it too.
Howard said the TV reviews are out too and Billy Bush was nice to him. Robin said he's not always complimentary about him. Howard said he was raving about the show. Howard said he's not going to play them all because the audience will go berserk. Howard said TMZ did an amazing report about how they loved it. Howard said all of the scrutiny makes him crazy though. He said he reads all of this stuff. He read some of the Rolling Stone article. They liked him as a judge. Howard said he takes all of this stuff to heart.
Robin said that Eddie Murphy doesn't read any of them because if he takes the positive ones seriously then he has to take the negative ones the same way. Howard said he can't not read them.
Howard said the L.A. Times wrote a great review. He said he really has to stop reading all of this. He said the Twitter fans have been great. He said they love it. Howard said this caller's wife didn't like him and now she does.
The caller said that he's amazed at how many non-talented people show up to these things. Howard said that's the best part of the show. He said they can't show everything that went down but he does wonder if people really think they have talent.
Howard asked the caller, Vince, if he wanted to win some money. He said he has an item and he'll ask him if he thinks that it's larger than Eric the Actor. Howard said Eric is 27 inches tall and what's taller, a golf bag or Eric? Vince said he'd say the golf bag. Howard said that would be right. That was just the test question though. Howard asked Vince what's taller Eric the Actor or Shaquille O'Neal's foot. Vince said he's going with Eric. Howard said he's right. Howard said Shaq's foot is 16 inches. Vince asked what's taller, Eric or a t-ball stand. Howard said he's not that funny.
Howard asked if he's taller than a stop sign. Vince said the sign is bigger. it's 30 inches. Howard asked what's taller, two iPads stacked or Eric? It's Eric. The iPads are 19 inches stacked. Howard asked if an acoustic guitar or Eric is taller. Vince said it's the guitar. He was right. the guitar is 41 inches. Howard said the game was sent in by Adam McCann and it might be too easy. He ripped up the rest of the questions.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that he's doing great on AGT. He said his 13 year old told him that Howie used to be the funny one but Howard is the funny one now. He said Howie was funny though. Robin said that she liked Howard's advice to the impressionist when he said he had to get edgier. Howard said he thought it was good advice. He said he wants some material with those impressions. He said he wasn't all that funny but the impressions were good.
Howard said he's going to tell people at the live shows to either listen to him and win or don't listen and lose. Howard said he and Howie have some arguments but he's very fierce with his reviews.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows he's getting a lot of attention for AGT. He said he read an article about Sacha Baron Cohen's new movie and how he only did the out of character interview with Howard. He said he thinks Howard is more relevant than ever and he doesn't get why people think he's not relevant. Howard said people want to see him fail. He said he's had this his entire career. Howard said every article when he first started out was how he wasn't going to do well. Howard said it's the same with AGT ratings. He said there are so many people who want him to fail. He said it's especially bad with radio guys. He said they really want him to fail. He's not even sure why. The caller and Robin said it's jealousy. She said that there are analysts who say that Apple is going to go down every week and it just doesn't happen.
Howard said he's doing great with his radio show and he has complete freedom there. He said his audience may not be that big but it's pretty big. He said he has more audience there than watches the Tonight Show every week. Howard said he measures success by being able to do what he wants to do and making a good living at it. Howard spent a minute with that caller and then went to break.
Howard had Robin start her news after playing her into it with a song parody about her. Robin started off with a story about OJ Simpson trying to get out of jail. Robin said he's been locked away for a few years now. Howard said he likes that he got locked up for fucking up on something else other than the wife thing. Howard said it's an unbelievable story. Robin said he was convicted in 2008. Howard did some math and figured it was about 4 years ago. Robin said he was sentenced to 9-30 years behind bars. Robin said he shouldn't have ever found himself in the hands of the law again after getting off on the murder charges. Robin said they're trying to get him out based on the way the trial was run.
Robin read about a guy who had an all you can eat meal and this guy was cut off after having 12 pieces of fish. Now the guy is upset that they cut him off. The guy said they have to stand up for consumers. Robin said the guy is saying it's false advertising. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a 24 year old woman who got the flesh eating bacteria infection. Robin said they had to amputate most of one of her legs and all of her fingers. Robin said she cut her leg in a fall from a home made zip line and it got infected. Robin had some audio of her father talking about how resilient she's been.
Howard said he has a report about OJ Simpson possibly getting beaten unconscious in prison last year. Robin said she didn't read that.
Robin read about a boy who is playing in a girl's field hockey team. They wanted to kick him out because of his advanced skills. He gets to stay on the team for now.
Robin read about how Junior Seau's home was broken into after he died. Someone broke in through a dog door and stole some items from his home.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he obsesses over his looks when he watches AGT. Howard said he really does. He said some shots are really bad. He said it makes him wonder if anyone is looking out for him. Howard said he doesn't want to move around on the show. He should stay in his seat. He said he doesn't understand his face. He said he really doesn't get it, it's just not fair.
Robin said that someone said to him that Howie is Howard without hair. Howard said that's an insult... to Howie. Howard said he thinks Howie is the sex symbol on the show between the two of them. The caller asked who is older. Howard said he thinks they're about the same age. They spent a few minutes talking about Howie's antics on the set of the show and how Howard wants nothing to do with that.
Gary said Howie will talk to people and he gives a shit about what they have to say. He said he'll sit and listen to them and look at them while they're talking. Howard said he's a good guy.
Howard took a call from one of the contestants on the show. She was the one in the bow tie who has been asking Robin out. Howard asked if this is the woman who couldn't sing. Robin said that's her. The woman, Kim, said that she didn't have her partner there. Howard said she was awful. Kim said she was trying to get to the right note and no one could hear her when they booed her. Kim said if she had made it then they would have seen how good she is. Howard asked where her partner was. She said they weren't able to make it. Howard said he can't even follow what she's saying. Howard said her partner may be an imaginary partner. Howard told her to sing now. Kim said it's really early. She started to sing the same thing she did on AGT so Fred hit the buzzer on her. He kept hitting it on her whenever she'd start talking.
Howard said the mass inside Robin just vomited because she's so bad. Howard thanked her for the call but she kept talking. She really wanted Robin to go out with her. Robin said she's probably going to be dead before she gets out there again. Howard asked if she's really dying. Robin said she's not. Howard said Kim did look like a dude. Howard said that if Robin ever was going to date a woman this is the one to do it with. He said she does look like a dude. Robin said she'll think about it. Howard said she looks like Samuel L. Jackson.
Howard asked Kim if she was happy to see herself on TV. Kim said she's glad she got Howard in the early stages. Howard said she lucked out there. He said he did get rougher as it went along. Kim asked if she can give out her number. Howard had her give it to Gary. Robin told her to sit by the phone.
Robin read a story about a kid who started a sex club at a high school. They would drug girls and have sex with them. Robin said the kid was the son of a Major League Baseball player.
Robin read about Jennifer Lopez stopping by Ellen's show and saying that she's not sure about her future with American Idol. Howard said he thinks she's going to leave. He asked what she can add to the show. Robin had some audio from the show.
Ralph called in and said that it's funny to hear that woman giving excuses about why they didn't do what they were supposed to. Howard said they get 90 seconds and they give up that chance. Ralph said last night's show was really good. Howard said he though it was good too.
Robin got back to her news and read about President Obama's stance on gay marriage since it's still in the news. Robin had some audio of Wanda Sykes talking about it on The Tonight Show. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Robin read about Obama's campaign manager talking about the money they've been raising. She had some audio from a video they put out about the fundraising.
Robin had some audio of John Boehner talking about the debt ceiling issue and what he thinks is going to happen this year when they have to fight it out again. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of President Obama making a speech at a law enforcement officer gathering in Washington DC. Howard said that he's been watching The Wire and he sees how tough that stuff can be. Robin said that's fiction and not based on real things.
Robin read a story about George Zimmerman and how they have shown that he had injured on him the night he killed Trevon Martin. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how he didn't have a concussion like he claimed he did.
Robin read about a guy who was pardoned and then went out and slammed into the side of someone's car and killing one person.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought Howard was great on AGT. He said his wife thought he was great too and she loves him on the show. Howard thanked him and asked him to send his wife's number to him. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Howard said he's going to be on The Talk tomorrow. He said he's not sure what time it's on so you'll have to check your local listings.
Robin read about Paris Hilton making an appearance in Sao Paulo Brazil as a DJ. Robin said her boyfriend is a DJ and she says she's been passionate about it herself for quite a while.
Robin read about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian possibly having a relationship. Robin said that the paparazzi have found them out a few times but they haven't admitted to dating.
Robin had some audio of Rihanna talking about her role in ''Battleship.'' Howard said she took that role really serious.
Robin said that The Dictator opens today and there is some controversy about the movie from the Arab community. Robin had some audio of a couple of people talking about working with Sacha in the movie. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon said that Scott's mind seems to be made up at this point. Gary said he's still not clear on how the whole thing came about. He said someone had to take control over it. He said Shuli is the guy and he made Scott this offer. He said it gets drawn out for weeks and weeks and people came to him asking what's going on. Benjy said he doesn't think it should all be pinned on Scott. Benjy said he's the one who is walking away.
Jon said that if he had just walked away they wouldn't be talking about it. Gary said his point is that they're talking about a small amount of money. He said unless Scott is going to go out and do his own thing then he's walking away from all of this money. Gary said he wonders why he would walk away from the money if he wanted to do this to make money.
Scott came in and said that they reached an impasse. He said he was trying to figure out what was going on and once he did he walked away. He said he thought he was a partner and not just an employee. Gary said he still doesn't get that. Scott said that they agreed to take equal amounts of money early on. He said he thought it was going to stay that way. He said he eventually became an employee instead of a partner. Jon said he still doesn't get that.
Jon said he was still getting a good chunk of change. Scott said it was and he wasn't doing anything according to a lot of people. He said that they all spend the same time on the road. Gary said that doesn't make sense either. He said that some people do more than others. Scott said Shuli does more time on stage and he's not denying that. Gary asked if he thinks he deserves as much as Shuli. Scott said he thought that they were all going to split the fee. He said they were getting more money than him. He said it's not about the money though.
Jon said it sounds like it is about the money. Scott said that it was never discussed with him. He said they said they were going to pay a flat fee to him and that was that. He said Shuli and Ronnie decided that.
Gary asked if he ever thought about someone working harder than him. Scott said that he thought the promoter was handling most if it. He said he didn't know Shuli was involved in booking travel arrangements. He said that's what the promoter is for. Scott said he didn't know that any one of them was a headliner.
Jon asked Scott if he was really joking about doing a Scott's Black Cloud tour. Scott said it was a joke. Jon asked Sal if it was a joke. Sal said he didn't think he was kidding when he asked but now he can see that maybe he was. He said it was closed door when he asked but he thought there could be some truth to it. He said if he had said yes then maybe they would have gone and done it.
Gary asked Scott why he can't do the show. Scott said Sal and Richard have their own thing going on. He said no one is going to come and see him and comedians. He said that the Block Party was show related and it brought out the fans. Scott said he doesn't think that the agreement they had was honored so he's getting out of it. He said it's based on the principle of the thing.
Scott said that the money won't change his life a lot. Gary asked how 5 grand a month won't change his life. Scott said it's just one weekend a month. It's $2,500. Gary said it's another $30,000 a year. Scott said there are taxes too. It's still 30 grand a year that he's not going to get.
Gary said he doesn't have to take these gigs anymore but he used to. He said that things have changed for him. He said he didn't start doing them like Scott did. Jon said they had to break after that.
Jon asked Sal about this pool party thing he's doing in Las Vegas. Sal said he told his wife that he has to work out there but there are people having sex all over the pool. He said that his wife invited herself and he didn't tell her what the party is about. He said it's an adult party and he thought it might be funny to spring it on her out there. Gary asked if it's true they're taking separate planes out there. Sal said they are and that's part of it. He said he told his wife he wasn't going to change her flight when he changed his to an earlier time.
Gary said that he has to tell her what she's walking into. Sal said even if someone tells her she'll ask him and he'll tell her something else. Sal said that his wife is still sticking it out with him. He said he thinks they'll have a good time with it even though she doesn't know what it's about. He said he wants to get her face on the web that night to see her reaction. The party he's talking about is at Brazzers.com
Jon said he thinks he understands Scott's stance a little better now. He said he still thinks he's walking away from easy money though. Jon said he's doing it for the principle of the thing. Gary said that Howard might be gone from Sirius in 3 years and Scott may be sorry he walked away from it now. Gary said that it's basically free money. He said the travel sucks but he's still getting paid well.
Jon said the reason Scott did this was to make money and now he's walking away from it. Scott said he knows he's being stubborn. He said he doesn't want to be shit on. He said he knows they're not trying to shit on him though. Scott came in and asked who ''they'' are.
Jon asked if Scott has always felt this way. Ronnie said the main thing is that he doesn't trust Shuli. He said that's what he got out of the whole thing. He said that's basically what Scott said to him. Not in those words tough. He said he heard that Scott said he didn't have his back either. Scott said that's not true either. Ronnie said this thing is something to go out and have fun with. He said he gets to go out and have fun and come back to work on Monday. He said he likes hanging out with the fans. Ronnie said he doesn't like that he says he doesn't have his back either.
Scott said Ronnie just says he doesn't care what he's making. He said he's backing off from saying that they had an equal split.
Shuli came in and said that they had an agreement early on and then Scott complained more and more as time went along. He said he went out of his way to show that no one was there to fuck them over. He said that he showed Scott every cent and the way it was spent. Benjy asked when the split part changed.
Shuli said that Scott agreed to the flat fee last week and then he backed out of it. He said Scott is going out of his way to make him fucking nuts.
Benjy asked Shuli if Scott did anything wrong before last week. Scott admitted he did. He said he tried to cover up his health issue. He said Shuli should have come to him and said that he thinks he deserves more money than the rest of them.
Gary wanted to move ahead so he asked Scott if he sees himself in 6 months regretting this decision. Scott said he might, yes. Ronnie said he regrets the whole thing already. He said that he had to cover up for Scott with the health issue thing and he could have blown that all up. He said he had his back and he doesn't like Scott saying that he didn't have his back. Ronnie said he's really insulted by that. Jon had to go to break again after that.
Gary asked Scott if he thinks that they need him to sell tickets. Scott said they don't need him. He said they have JD.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that Shuli should have just written up a contract and it would have shut him up. Shuli said that's what he was going to do but he ran out of time by Monday morning. He said they were going to do a flat fee for all of the shows and he would bump Scott up if they did really well. Scott said the thing is that he wouldn't know if they did really well. Doug said it's obvious that Scott doesn't trust Shuli.
Ronnie isn't worried about all of that. He said they're selling out shows left and right. Doug said he thinks that taking Scott out has a ripple effect that will affect it down the road. Sal said he thinks that Scott is being anti-Semitic. Jon said he thinks that they didn't resolve anything after 40 minutes. Gary said he thinks that Scott will regret it down the road. Benjy asked if he would take 3 grand and do it. Scott said if they all got that money then he would. Sal said he had 3 words for him... Brian Dunkleman. They ended the show a short time later at 11:15am.
Arnold Schwarzenegger News. 05/17/11. 6:00am
Howard started the show talking about how he was running around singing Robin's ''Co-cai-aine-ah'' all day. He said he can do it pretty well. It's stuck in his head now. Fred played the clip while Howard sang along to it. Howard said he knows that clip pretty well now. Howard said that's her new hit song.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Arnold Schwarzenegger coming out and saying that he fucked one of his staff. Fred and Howard played more of Robin's ''Co-cai-aine-ah'' clips for a minute before getting to the story.
Howard said the reason Arnold and Maria are breaking up is apparently because Arnold had fucked one of the women that worked in his house. He banged her and got her pregnant. Howard said he finally went to her and told her it was his kid. Howard said guys are something else. He said they have a whole different attitude. They talked about that French guy who had gone after that maid who was cleaning his room.
Howard said it's hard enough to get a good housekeeper and Arnold fucked her. He said she's working with his wife and that's like wanting to live your life at a heightened level all the time. Howard said that's insane to want to live with both women all the time. Howard said Arnold had to treat her like a maid after knocking her up.
Howard said Arnold was running for governor the whole time this was going on. He said this is a level of insane that he doesn't know from. The caller said he hopes he can get him in there. He said it would be the interview of all interviews.
Howard said the maid must have been paid off pretty well. She didn't go after him at all for 10 years. The caller wondered why he would confess. Howard said he doesn't know all of the details. That's a big secret to keep for 10 years. Robin said the woman might have been in love with him. Howard said he can't imagine that he was doing this while running for governor.
Howard said it would be so much easier to leave your wife and go out and fuck whoever you want. The caller said it's like a serial killer who wants to be caught. Howard said the guy must have been asking her to clean the house and then to suck his cock.
Howard wondered how long this was going on. He said you know it's bad when the real Arnold is crazier than the fake one. The caller said he knew something weird was going on but when this came out he was like ''Oh my god.''
Howard said Maria must be beside herself. He said that she's used to getting what she wants and now she's finding gout that he was fucking the maid for 20 years. He said she's got his baby now. Howard said the kid has probably come over with the kid and things like that. He said the betrayal must have been insane.
The caller said this made Jesse James cheating seem not so bad. Howard said Arnold will go out and be applauded by audiences in a few months. He said it's so insane because some people are ostracized for doing things like this. He said he admits to everything he does and advertisers won't hire him. He said he hasn't done anything and he won't get hired but Arnold can do whatever the fuck he wants and he still gets hired.
Robin said they had Maria talking about what a good guy Arnold is just a few weeks ago. She was saying he's not a womanizer and things like that. Howard said the guy is awesome.
Howard and the caller were talking about the Osama bin Laden and the porn they found in his home. Howard said the guy had four women in the house and he still wasn't satisfied.
Howard said he'll never figure out Osama either. He said he could have had a fantasy life with the money his family had. He said he decided to put himself into a life where he's watching shitty TV and shitty porn on that TV. Robin said you have to be out of your mind to do that. Howard said there's a whole movement of people who think he deserved a trial. Howard said that would have been a fiasco. Robin said those people weren't thinking about the fall out of a trial like that. Howard said we're at war and this world isn't perfect.
Robin and Howard talked about the people who wanted to see pictures for proof and things like that. The caller was getting a little long winded with his theories so Howard said he was going to let him go.
Howard let the caller go and got back to Arnold. Howard and Robin talked about that some more. Howard said he can't imagine putting himself through all of that. He said he's walking around as Governor and putting so much stress on himself. He said he knows guys who have this stress in their lives and he doesn't get it. He said if things aren't working out then break up if you can't work it out. He said it's humiliating to Maria. He said it's just not right.
Howard said now he's curious to find out what the maid looked like. He said he can't imagine what he was thinking. Robin said it's like that French guy going after the maid. He didn't even look at what she looked like. He was just seeing a female and went after her.
Howard said that people make mistakes but he can't imagine putting himself through that. He said it's the greatest.
Howard said there are guys who have a compete separate family and they go back and forth between them. He said it's wild. He said they go across town and live with one family and the neighbors don't know about it. Robin said Charles Kurralt was the best. She said that he had his family living in a cabin and someone had to know what was going on. Howard said John Edwards was fucking that haggy looking chick too. He said when you're married you lower your standards a lot. He said that it can be about convenience. Robin mentioned Monica Lewinsky and how Bill Clinton risked his whole Presidency for that. Howard said you take what you can get.
Howard said the maid may not have been a hot chick. He said she was no spring chicken because she retired in January. Howard said Arnold is a trip. He said he used to do the show a lot but not since he became Governor. Howard said his mother in law was in town once and Arnold came by and said hi to her. He said he was a lovely guy to him and he's not married to him so he's fine. Howard said Arnold was really cool to them over the years. Robin said that he called her once and apologized for her not enjoying one of his movies.
Howard said Arnold was really nice but he'd walk into a room with an entourage and it was a lot of effort to go through your day like that. He had a whole set up like he was the President. Robin said they had a whole schedule and they'd squeeze in the room to meet with him and his mother in law. Howard said it was a precision schedule that he was on. Howard said when it comes down to it Arnold gets home and looks at the maid. It's kind of sad. Gary told Howard that there's an article and it says that the maid was married as well.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he's started biking and he had to go to the bike shop to get his tires blown up. He didn't know how to do it himself. Howard said he had to buy a new pump. Howard said he's into this hobby for like $150,000 at this point. He said he walks out buying stuff every time. He said he's actually spent about $1,500 total so far. Howard said it might be closer to 2 grand after Robin asked how much he's really spent.
Howard said one of the guys at the shop bikes 20 miles each way to work. He said he does 40 miles a day minimally. Another dude there just rides a bike and doesn't have a job. Howard said he lives with his grandparents. Howard said he rides all day and then goes to do races and stuff. He likes riding so much he doesn't care about making money and having a job.
Howard said that guy said you can't date biking chicks because they're like men. He said they have an attitude that's really tough. Howard said the guy told him he's not looking to date any girls like that.
Howard said the guys asked him if he wanted to go for a ride with them. He said he did so they went all the way out to where Jackie lives. He said they did 23 miles in an hour and a half. They had to slow down for him. He said they averaged about 15-17 miles per hour. Howard said that was his average according to the computer on his bike.
Howard said he's thinking about putting a phone on his bike. He said he's serious about that. Robin said he'll end up on Prodigy while riding his bike. Howard said that would be great.
Howard said a woman came up in her car and said he has great legs. He said she was digging him. Robin said she must not have seen his face. Howard said he thanked her and kept going. He said he thinks she was pretty good looking too. Howard said she was trying to pick him up. He said he was so psyched. Howard said he's not sure how old she was.
Howard said some guy almost hit him while banging a u-turn. Howard said he had to yell at the guy. He said he did that and then at 2 in the morning he had to get up and eat. Howard said he was kind of nervous to go riding with those guys. He said they took it easy on him. Howard said they were talking to him and he told them to shut up and keep riding. He said they don't even brake when cars are coming. He said they'll cut across traffic without stopping.
Howard said one of the guys rode on the L.I.E. on his way into the city. Howard said the guy told him it wasn't so bad. Howard said you can't do that. These guys are nuts.
Howard said they went aroudn Jackie's town. He said it's nice until you get to Jackie's shanty house. Howard said it's gorgeous everywhere but where Jackie lives. He said the neighbors are all on top of one another. Howard asked if anyone ever paints their house in his neighborhood. Jackie said it's the salt air that does it to the houses there.
Howard said Jackie claims the houses go for the high 200,000s. Howard said he knows that some houses around there are like a million. Jackie said the homes on his block are between 2 and 3. Howard said that's what he was saying.
Howard said Jackie could get a much better house somewhere else. Jackie said he loves living near the water. Howard said Jackie has a bedroom in the attic of his house. Jackie said he can see the water from that room. Howard said he has one small hole of a window to look out. Howard said he tells him to check out the view when he goes over there. Howard said he has a little port hole that he looks out. Jackie said it's like being on a boat.
Howard said there's no room to stand in the attic. Jackie said he has plenty of room to stand. Howard said the beach isn't anywhere near the house either. He said you have to walk far and Ronnie's wife Bonnie had glass in her feet because they had to walk through so much crap.
Howard said Jackie got stung by some kind of jellyfish that made it look like he got sucked on by an octopus. Jackie said Howard is bad luck because he hadn't been stung until he came over. Howard said Jackie will swim in the most disgusting water. He said your nuts come out looking like raisins.
Howard said Jackie won't buy a jet ski but he'll borrow them from his neighbors. Howard said Jackie must have at least a million squirreled away somewhere. He borrows stuff from his friends instead. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
In the clip Howard was doing his Mama Lookaboobooday character who gave the traffic reports at WNBC. Robin and Mama spent a couple of minutes talking about Soupy Sales going to the bathroom at the same time as Mama. Mama told Robin that Soupy may not have been able to go because he might have been intimidated by the big black man standing there. Mama said he saw Imus in there too. He told Robin that he has a very long penis but it's like a car antenna. Mama said he saw Howard in there and he has no penis. He said Howard goes right in the stall. Howard said that's not true. He just did it once when he had prostate problems.
Mama told Robin that they don't listen to Howard. He said they listen to Al Bandero on WKTU. Robin asked if Carlo is still on KTU. Mama said he didn't know. Mama said he had to do the traffic and get out of there. He did his traffic report after that.
In the clip Howard was talking about how John is upset he won't read his plugs. He heard that he's out there moping around. Howard said he won't read the plug because they're not paying the guy enough. He said he's trying to help John out by doing that. He said John will come to him in a couple of years and thank him for making him charge more for what he's worth. Howard said he will thank him some day. He told John to tell the club owner to kick in another grand. Howard said he'll do a big rave about where he's playing if he does that.
John said he wants to say something. Robin told him not to argue on the club's side. John said Robin got it. Howard cut John off and said he's never going to have a son. He said that he masturbates too much and that's why he'll never have one. He said he's going to have girls all the time.
John told Howard that he had a dream about Howard yelling at him about getting a memo out. Howard said he'd never have John do a memo.
John said the band he's playing with is on MTV. Howard asked who they are. John said they're called Dirty Looks. Howard said he's never heard of them but people have heard of John. Howard said John is dumb. John said he got $600 last time he played. Howard said John should get at least 2 grand. John said it's not easy to get it.
Howard said the guy is paying John a grand because that's what he thinks the advertising is worth on this show. Howard said John deserves two grand. He said no one cares about Dirty looks. John said that they're signed to Atlantic. Howard said it doesn't matter. He said there's no reason to mention it on this show if John's plug doesn't matter that much. John said Howard told him he could have plugs if he needed them. John said he doesn't see Scott's business getting 2 grand. Howard said he's a loser, that's why. Howard said Scott is getting all of the money he gets from those gigs. He's not splitting it with a club owner.
Howard said John deserves 2 grand. He said that it's a week or two of advertising and he resents it. Howard said John will pack the place because people will go to see him because he's a freak show.
Robin asked if they called Tom yesterday. Howard said John isn't allowed to talk to Meg so they have to talk to Tom about that.
Howard said Tom likes to get involved in the programming of the station. He said the most exciting thing is when John is on the her show. John said Howard seems to be in a bad mood lately. Howard said he's trying to help him. John said he's getting interviewed on a radio show tonight. He said he's going to be on WSOU. Howard said he's a loser. Howard said John has said too many things already. John tried to get in a plug for his band. Howard said he bleeped off what he just said. Howard told him not to say the name of that club again. Howard said John is a mutant. John said he has gotten really mean. He said he can't believe Howard.
Robin said John told her one day that Howard really likes him. John said he can't believe she remembers everything he says. Howard said she's got a great memory.
Howard said John is a big baby and he's dopey. He said he disturbs him. He said he's moping around and it bothers him. They went to break after that.
Jimmy Kimmel And Video Of Artie Drunk In Vegas. 05/17/04. 7:20am
Talk show host Jimmy Kimmel came in to hang out with Howard this morning. Jimmy told Howard that he's happy to be alive because he had a problem with taking Advil last week. He told Howard he took about 8 Advil over the course of 12 hours or so. He said his head ended up blowing up to the size of Rosie O'Donnell's during his show. He ended up doing his show even though he was all bloated that night. Howard said he looked awful that night but he did his whole show. Jimmy said his lungs were starting to close up on him and the doctors were worried about him. Meanwhile he was taking pictures of himself with his cell phone.
Howard figured he had to have been doing something other than just taking Advil. He said he wasn't though. Jimmy said they treated him at the hospital and brought the swelling down. Howard watched him the night after and he still looked kind of odd to him. He thought it was just the camera's making him look bad. Jimmy was thinking that it was something he'd eaten that night. He didn't know it was the Advil. He thought it may have been the lasagna he had for dinner and he would have killed himself if that was the case.
Porn Star Cindy Crawford Cries While With Jeff The Drunk. 05/17/04. 8:05am
After the break Howard gave Jimmy a plug for his show ''Jimmy Kimmel Live'' that airs daily on ABC at midnight. He went on to talk about the porn star they had on the show whose name is Cindy Crawford. Jeff the Drunk won a date with her and they actually had sex after the ''date'' worked out with them. Howard played tape of her crying while they were having sex. Howard had the two of them on the phone to find out what happened. Cindy told Howard that somewhere between the wine, the pot and them having sex, she blacked out and doesn't know what happened. She said she has no idea what happened. Jeff was a complete gentleman with her. Howard played more of the tape and laughed as he heard Cindy crying as Jeff was trying to comfort her.
Cindy told Howard that Jeff was ''okay'' in bed with her. She said that she might date him again because he was nicer than they say he is. Howard thought the tape was pretty wild and Cindy didn't make Jeff use a condom. She had him tested for AIDS so she figures he was safe. Howard said that maybe she'll be having a little baby Curro (Jeff's last name). Artie was doing his impression of Jeff while they were talking to the two of them. Howard got back to the tape and played more of Cindy's crying for everyone. Howard said that's the inner mind of every porn star. He told her she was a good sport and gave her a couple of plugs for JillKellyProductions.com and Spice Clips Live which airs on the Spice Channel.
Cindy told Howard that Jeff wasn't able to get aroused when they were together. Jeff said that was a lie and hung up on them. Cindy told Howard what that was like and managed to get the delay hit a bunch of times. Jeff called back a few minutes later and said that he wasn't the one who drank too much that night, Cindy was the one who passed out. Jeff said that he wasn't like spaghetti like she said he was. He then wondered why everyone talks bad about him. He was on the verge of tears so Artie was goofing on him again. Everyone makes the same claims about him being like ''spaghetti'' in the pants after they're with him.
Howard played more of Cindy's crying as he was wrapping up the call with the two of them. Howard said he had a girl cry after being with him sexually one time. Artie said he had one who cried during sex one time. Howard played Cindy's crying one more time and laughed as they heard it. Howard said he got to hang out with the real Cindy Crawford one night in Vegas when they went to her husband's casino out there.
Jimmy told Howard the shows in Vegas were great and he was hating the fact that he had to go to work every morning instead of being out there in Vegas with them. Howard was surprised he didn't show up but Jimmy said he had to work.
Howard brought up how there's a rule about voter registration that doesn't allow college students to register to vote if they're not in their home town. He said that Rolling Stone wrote an article about that and he thought it was pretty good.
A couple of deejays were fired while they were out in Vegas. The deejays played tape of Nick Berg getting beheaded and made jokes about it on the air. That led to Howard talking about how he saw that video and it's the most disturbing and horrifying thing he's ever seen. The image is still stuck in his head and it's really disturbing. He said it will make you violently angry when you see it. He described the tape to Artie who hadn't seen it. They cut the guy's head off and it takes a while to butcher him. He said it's so horrible he doesn't know how anyone could laugh at it. He said you will never get that image out of your mind if you watch it. He warned people not to bother.
Howard and the guys talked about the prisoner abuse that's been in the news lately and how that beheading may have had something to do with that. Howard also said that they're now finding out that Donald Rumsfeld did know about the prisoner abuse and now that they know that, he's going to have to resign. They spent a few minutes on that and then moved on to other stuff.
Howard brought up Gwyneth Paltrow's baby that she named Apple. They talked about how big the baby was at 9 pounds 11 ounces. The guys goofed on that for a minute and then Howard took a phone call. A woman asked Howard if he's worried about Artie heading down the same bath as Chris Farley. Howard said he is worried and spent a short time talking to her about that and the Nick Berg thing before he had to take another break.
In the clip Howard talked up the bit and then played it. He said that it was an I Love Lucy parody where Lucy hears about the Tawana Brawley case and decides to do something similar. In the bit Lucy comes home to hear Ricky and Fred talking about the club going bankrupt. Lucy decides to call Ethel and Ethel tells her about the Tawana Brawley case. Lucy tries it and tells Ricky she was raped. She had dog excrement all over her. Lucy told Ricky she was trying to save the club from going bankrupt. Ricky tells her that it's just going under new management. Lucy did it all for nothing. Reverend Al Sharpton shows up and Ricky tells him that she made the whole thing up.
After playing the bit Howard took some calls. The fans called in saying it was great they gave out Steve Leeds phone number. Another caller said he gives it two thumbs up. Howard said there were some sad parts in the bit too. He went to break a short time later.
Penny Crone Crying Again. 05/17/06. 10:20am
Howard wrapped up with those guys and said he heard that Penny was out in the hall crying because Will kicked her off the softball team. Penny came in, really crying, and said that this really isn't fair. She said that she did Will a favor and drove him up to the filed in Central Park and now he has five other girls playing.
Will said that he didn't kick her off the team, he just told her to show up and play if she wants to. He said that she just bitches and moans and he can't take it. Penny said that he told her she was off the team but Will said he was kidding.
Penny told Will that he's mean and she will never play for him again. Howard told Penny to calm down but she was very upset and told Will that he's very mean. She said she just wants to be liked. Howard didn't believe that she was for real. Her face was dry, there were no tears according to Howard. He asked her if she was this upset when FOX fired her. She said she as and she knows that Howard will be the next one to fire her.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in making crying noises. Penny said that everyone thinks this is a joke but it's not a joke to her. Her son was in the studio so Howard spent some time talking to him. He was saying that having her as a mother is pretty tough.
Howard asked the kid if it was cool having Penny as his mother. He said that it was kind of cool because she is a bit of a local celebrity. Howard asked Penny if she ever caught her son whacking off. She said she's never caught him doing that. Even her son was telling her that she shouldn't be playing softball.
Will told Penny that ''Just like FOX, we replaced you with a younger, hotter chick...'' that didn't go over too well but there was a lot of laughter.
Drug Stories. 5/17/99. 8:40am
Howard came back from a commercial break and started telling Robin about one of his friends who likes to do the drug Ecstasy. He didn't want to tell her who it was but it soon became obvious it was Ralph. That led to a long discussion about what the drug does for Ralph and how much he enjoys it. Then Gary joined in the discussion and told Howard about his days of doing cocaine. Howard also joined in and said that his favorite drug was Quaaludes. They all had their own stories of the ups and downs, mostly ups, of doing these drugs. Ralph said he likes to mix Ecstasy and pot because it makes him feel good. Gary said that he had to quit the coke habit about 9 years ago because he was getting too old to handle it.
In the clip Howard talked about some of the questions that Stuttering John didn't get to when he was asking them at a baseball convention.
Howard asked John about who he talked to. He got Jim Palmer, Ron Howard and some others. Howard played the Ron Howard clip first. John asked if he would consider directing Howard's Fartman movie. Ron said he's not sure Howard can act. He said that it's probably going to be a disaster. Howard said Ron's last two movies lost money so he's not going to take advice from him. Howard said Ron doesn't know if he can act or not. Howard went off on Ron for a short time goofing on him since he bad mouthed his acting abilities. Howard said he's going to out gross Backdraft and that other dopey movie he put out. Howard said Brian Grazer has been after him too so he's not sure what Ron is talking about. He said he should check into what his partner is doing.
Howard played more of the audio and Ron said Howard is pretty good on radio. Howard stopped it again and continued to goof on Ron. Howard pointed out some other comics who were in movies and TV shows who aren't that great at acting.
Howard played more of the Ron interview and he was saying that he does listen to Howard once in a while. Howard cut it off again and went off on him again about some of the movies he's made that flopped. Howard said he's sure his movie will sell plenty. He said Ron is scared of the new Hollywood that's coming in.
Howard said he likes how these guys make acting seem really hard. Howard said he's pretty sure he could turn anyone into a good actor. He said all you have to do is talk softly. He said that's the trick. Howard said he can act. He said you just talk soft. He said mumble and shoot you with soft lights and you're an actor.
Howard said Otis the drunk is a better director than Ron Howard. He did his Otis T impression and Aunt Bea impression for a few seconds. Howard said maybe he'll get his acting lessons from Rodney Dangerfield. He said he seems to know what he's doing.
Howard played John's interview with baseball player Lou Brock. John said there were a lot of people there for him. John said he asked him if he's ever gone drinking and boating. John said he walked away after that. Howard said that was the wrong one to lead off with.
Howard played John's interview with Willie Stargel. He told John he didn't want to talk to him. That's all he got.
Howard played John's interview with Jim Palmer and John got in a few more with him. John asked if he's ever had wet spots in his underwear at a gam. Then he asked how he prevents arousal at photo shoots. Jim had already stopped paying attention to him.
Howard played John's quick interviews with Keith Hernandez and Rusty Staub. John was chasing everyone away with the questions. John asked Rusty if he ever went drinking and boating and Rusty walked away immediately.
John got some more interviews with and some people were answering his questions but there was a lady in line freaking out about the questions he was asking. John said she was telling people to kick him out. Howard thanked John for sharing his day with them.
Howard said he went out to eat with his kids on Monday. He said they had Italian food and when he got to his car he had a lot of gas. He said it's probably because he eats so fast. He's always eaten fast as the rest of his family always did. He said he eats like a wolf. Face buried in the plate just scarfing down his food.
Howard tried to get out to Long Island to visit his kids yesterday but he got stuck in traffic. Ronnie the Limo Driver said that there was a double murder on the highway they take and it screwed up everything. Ronnie also complained about the construction that's been going on. Governor Pataki supposedly made it a law to only do road construction at night but they do it at all hours of the day now. Ronnie said that the day will come when no one will be able to move in their cars because there are so many people in New York. Everyone in the studio complained about the traffic situation in the city. Howard suggested that they stop letting people into the city.
Howard got back to his gas problems. He said he was stuck in that car yesterday and he farted so bad that the driver of his limo had to open his windows to let it air out. Howard said he felt really bad for the guy.
KC's Gay Facial Hair. 5/17/99. 6:40am
Howard pointed out that KC now has a very gay looking beard on his face. He said it looks like a George Michael type of thing with a thin line shaved up the side of his face. Everyone was telling him that he should have kept the line along his jaw line, not up the middle of his cheek. Ronnie the limo driver and Howard were the first ones to point out the bizarre look early this morning. The one person who complimented the look was Anne Marie who works in the office. She came in to tell Howard that she told KC it looked fine. Gary told Howard that she never says a bad thing about anyone who works there so Howard had her take another look. She eventually said it did look kind of strange. Ralph was also there with his input on the look. Benjy also came in and said that it did look pretty weird. Everyone believes that KC will now keep the beard just so it doesn't look like he's caving in to the pressure. He told Ralph that he's going to keep it all week just because he doesn't like it.
In the clip Howard ripped a fart into the microphone and Gary said that Howard complains about people just smoking around the microphone.
Howard said he got a stomach virus and he thinks he got it from some turkey he ate. He said it's possible it wasn't cooked long enough. Howard said he stopped eating turkey. Howard said he thought that maybe Grillo's hands aren't clean too. He said there's some disgusting things aroudn that place and he's not sure if Grillo's hands are clean. He said the kitchen is disgusting and so is the bathroom.
Howard said he decided to eat a bagel or a roll with tuna on it. Howard said now he's eating lunch at 9 o'clock instead of later. He said if it's there then he has to eat it. He said he'll have another mini-meal during the day. He said he'll get home and eat like a ravenous dog. Howard said he eats kidney beans and broccoli. Gary said that's like rocket fuel. Howard said he farts all day long and it smells like chili and beans. He said his kids are ready to vomit.
Howard said he eats so much bread and beans and it takes him an hour on the bowl. He said everything is sludge up. Fred played fart sounds as he was talking about that. Howard said everything sticks in there. Howard said he has a bidet that he should start using. Howard asked if Robin has ever had that problem. Robin said she has. Gary said he knows what he's talking about. Robin said it's like toothpaste. She said you can't get it all out of the tube.
Howard said he feels like he's never done. He said he'll get in the shower and clean up and then his hands will smell. Robin said he should be using paper. Howard said he uses soap and his hands. He said you can't use paper in the shower. Howard said he had a purple cleaning glove in the shower so he started using that. He said he had purple all over his ass.
Howard said he has a rubber plug on the drain and he had to remove that to get it all down. He said that happened two nights in a row. Robin asked if he cleans up after himself. Howard said he does and he's very tidy. They went to break after that.
Jon Stewart Comes In. 5/17/00. 7:50am
Comedian Jon Stewart came in to promote a stand-up show he's doing at Carnegie Hall on June 8. Howard said he'd like to go to something like that but it's on a Thursday night at 8 o'clock which is his bed time. He doesn't get that whole thing.
As soon as Jon walked in Howard asked him if he was sick or something because he's got bags under his eyes. Jon said he's just getting old and he's starting to look like and old Jewish guy. Jon said that when he walked by Brittany Andrews she just looked him over and went ''No.'' He and Howard talked about how weird that whole foot fetish thing is. Jon said that it's pretty disgusting. Howard agreed and said he didn't enjoy it at all.
Howard brought up the fact that Jon is engaged to be married so he was wondering why. Jon said he's 40 years old and it's just time. Howard also noticed that he was wearing a hat to cover up his gray hair. Howard questioned him as to why he doesn't dye it dark. Jon said that there's no reason for it.
Jon told Howard that when he saw Donald the short guy he looked terrified. Jon thinks that he won't actually have sex with Brittany. Howard had Donald come in the studio so they could ask him if he's going to back out of it. Donald's voice sounds a tiny bit like a munchkin so the next thing he knew Jackie was goofing on the guy and how tall he is. They talked to Donald about if he's scared or not. He said he's going to go through with it, he was just star struck when he got the call from KC yesterday to come on the show. Howard found out that 4'11'' tall Donald works at concerts and stuff as security! Everyone ended up goofing on him about how he'd deal with people who got out of hand at an event. It was really funny and hard to describe here. Jon pushed it a little too far when he joked that they use Donald as a pen. He said that they take a felt tip and put it on his head to use him as a pen. Howard told him he went a little too far and he's not so tall himself. Jon is 5'7'' tall himself and he was goofing on Donald.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Jon talking to him about the women he's dated. He didn't have much new to talk about since he's been engaged for a while now. They ended up talking about Al Gore and how Jon doesn't think he's ''human'' enough. As he was preparing to go to a break Howard got word that Britney Spears was on the phone so he had Jon stick around for that. You can get more info on Jon's comedy show at ToyotaComedyFestival.com
Britney Spears Calls In. 5/17/00. 8:20am
18 year old pop singer Britney Spears called in this morning to talk to Howard. Howard immediately brought up a story about seeing Britney at a party out in Los Angeles around Grammy time. He was under the impression that she didn't like him because she looked at him and didn't come over to talk to him. Britney swears that she didn't see him there and if she had, she would have spoken to him. She apologized for not coming over. Howard then brought up the fact that Britney is still a virgin. He came up with a great suggestion for her. He said that they could have a pay-per-view event where she'd auction off her virginity. He said he'd guarantee that she could get $10 million for that. He said that she could pick the one guy who bids the highest amount and all. She just said that he's crazy and she's waiting until she's married before she gives it up. Howard told her that's a mistake because she should experience sex with more than one guy. She told him that she thinks that if she's in love it wouldn't matter. He tried to talk some sense into her but it wasn't happening. He mentioned that he saw Christina Aguilera and she looks like she's given it up.
Britney told Howard that she's really having fun doing the stuff that she's doing. It's a little tough with all of the promotion she's doing for her new album ''Oops!.. I Did It Again'' but when she's on tour she said she has a lot of fun. Howard asked her about the guys that she's been allegedly dating. Prince William is one guy who's been mentioned but she says she's never met him. They've exchanged some notes but that's it. She also hangs out with one of the guys from 'N Sync. She just hangs out with him though. She's not dating him for those of you who were wondering.. anyone?
Howard told Britney that he advises his daughters to take their time before they get married just like he's trying to tell Britney. He also mentioned that they're big fans of hers so she said she should invite them to her show at Jones Beach. Howard told her that if she waits to get married before having sex she'll eventually wonder ''what if'' she had slept with other guys. Britney said that she recently called a psychic and was told that she'd get married at 23 to an older man with dark hair.. Howard? The psychic told her that man would be her ''soul mate''.
Howard had Mike Gange come in to talk about his ''eye contact'' that he spoke about earlier this week. He'd said that she saw him laughing at him during her rehearsal and stuck her tongue out at him. When she heard about that today she said she didn't remember doing that. Everyone figures Gange must have just seen her licking her lips or something so he was full of crap.
Howard next brought up the fact that Britney's middle name is Jeau.. or Jew. Britney said that's not true, it's actually just Jean. Howard dropped it thinking that it was just misspelled. Howard then moved on to Britney's mother who has written a book, ''Britney Spears' Heart to Heart'' about Britney. Howard thought that she did it without Britney's permission so he's probably be hearing from her in 5 years talking about how her mother ripped her off and stuff. She told him that she wrote it with her mom so it's okay. Howard then asked her if her money is being taken care of because he doesn't want to hear about her losing all of her money. She said that her Uncle Reggie is taking care of it all for her. Howard told her that he wants her to come in the studio live so he can talk to her about that sometime. While he was asking her about where she lives her publicist got on the phone and said that she had to go. She was on her way to do ''The View'' so she had to get going. Howard was kind of pissed that she was going to do that show and she didn't come in to do his show. He told her not to let anyone brain wash her before she comes on the show. Don't hold your breath... Howard told her that if she does come in she should wear capri pants and a belly shirt. Someone mentioned that she sometimes wears her jeans open and you can see her underwear. Gary came in and said that he likes it when she does a show and wears a dress that gets ripped off by the other dancers. Britney got off the phone shortly after that.
After the call everyone got in a discussion about their first sexual experiences. Gary also mentioned that Britney's middle name of ''Jeau'' has been in more than one article and didn't understand why she said it wasn't really her name. Gary talked about how his ''first'' was at age 15 and he also got oral sex and gave oral sex the same day. Howard had to beg the girl for his first time. He said the girl told him that you always remember your first and she didn't want her to be in his head for the rest of his life. He begged her and eventually got it from her. Howard said Jackie had crabs in 8th grade so he was having fun around the age of 12. Jon Stewart said he looked like a ''Peanuts'' character with a giant head so it was hard for him to get sex early on.
Siobhan To Lose Her 'Virginity' Tomorrow? 05/17/06. 9:45am
After the break Howard was listening to a prank call that Sal did. He said that Sal must be the angriest guy ever. He said that Sal just did a song parody to the tune of Nickleback's ''Photograph'' where he sings about his wife's fat ass. Howard played the song and then took some phone calls.
In the clip Howard played a phony phone call that Gary made to a woman and ended up talking to him about the way he says his last name in the call. Gary said his teachers said it ''Dell-a-bait'' but the correct way to say it is ''Dell-a-bah-tay.''
Howard got back to the prank call and Gary was telling a woman that she didn't win a contest she had entered. Gary asked her about her weight and height. Then he asked how long she had been going out with her boyfriend and things like that. Gary asked what the guy does and how they met. Then Gary told her that he just broke up with his girlfriend recently. Gary was trying to pick her up. He spent a few minutes talking to her asking questions and trying to find out what she likes. The woman was talking about Howard more than Gary though. Howard came in and interrupted Gary asking what he was doing. He got on the phone with her and eventually told her that she's going to England and it was a phony phone call.
Lisa G's News Preview And A JD Update. 05/17/10. 8:55am
Howard asked Lisa what else she had. Lisa said that JD has broken up with the girl he was seeing. Howard said he doest' think JD had a girlfriend. He said that nothing was going on there.
JD came in and said he didn't have a girlfriend. He said that he was just hanging out with this girl. He said he's not going to confirm or deny anything anymore. Howard asked what happened. JD said that the girl was interested in as more of a friend than anything. Howard said she did make out with him though so something must have turned her off. Howard said they should have a survey about JD to ask what goes wrong. He said they could have a check list of breath and things like that. Howard said he heard that she doesn't like that JD doesn't like to go out and do anything. JD said there was a lot of things that just didn't work.
Robin was looking at the weird facial hair JD has. Howard told JD he has to shave his neck because he has a bald patch that's kind of weird. He said he knows what Robin is talking about. Howard said he'll teach him how to do it if he wants. JD said he knows. He said he doesn't need any help. Howard and Robin goofed on him about that for a minute.
JD said that he and this girl went out to movies and to eat and stuff. They kissed too. Howard heard he brought her to Steve Brandano's party. JD said he did that. Howard asked Steve if she was hot. JD asked if they have to go over this now. He said that she doesn't want to be talked about on the show. It doesn't matter now since they broke up.
Steve came in and said that this girl was really hot. He said that she was into JD from what he could tell. Steve said that JD and this girl went to the basement to watch some hockey and they were making out and sitting really close. Howard asked if it was jarring to see JD making out. Steve said it was kind of jarring. He said it seemed like the girl was into JD for the right reasons too so he's surprised by this news.
Howard asked JD what went on there. JD said he doesn't know. He said maybe it's what he didn't do. Howard told him he should have fucked her. JD said he didn't want to talk about what did or didn't happen. Howard asked if he did fuck her. JD just mumbled and blurted out something unintelligible.
Fred and Howard did their impressions of JD and goofed on him for a little while. Howard figured JD fucked her and maybe he didn't hold out long. JD said he didn't want to get into that. Howard and Fred continued to goof on him some more.
Howard said he heard that JD brought his girl along with him when he was doing the radio show with Tracey that night. JD said she was there. Howard said that he must have been trying to impress her. Howard asked if he cried when she broke up with her. JD said he didn't cry.
Howard asked if she broke up by text. JD said it was something like that. JD was trying to tell them what she found wrong with him and why she broke up. He said that they talked about it but she mentioned that he didn't like going out and things like that. He said he may not have gone out enough.
Howard said he loves JD and if he had a son he'd want someone like him. He said JD is a good guy but he's awkward. He said he's so awkward that it's lovable.
Howard heard that this girl told Jim McClure that JD was better on the air than he is in person. She fell for the person on the air and not the person off the air. Howard said that the real JD must not have interested her. Howard said that it's good that they broke up if that's the case. He said maybe she was in love with the Fred impressions.
Howard asked JD if he did any of that dirty talk he did with Kissyphur. JD said he did a little bit of that. He didn't want to get into that. Howard did an impression of what that might have sounded like. Howard said he heard she had big boobs too. JD said it sounds like everyone noticed every little thing about her.
Fred was doing his impression of JD talking to her and telling her that he wanted to suck on her vagina so hard her head would cave in and she'd look like Beetlejuice.
Howard said he's sorry it didn't work out. He said that it must have been nice having a girlfriend for a while. JD said that it wasn't an exclusive thing so it's not that big of a deal. Howard asked JD if he needs to play the field. JD said that might be part of it. He said he's sure he'll find out what she thinks about all of this soon enough.
Howard asked JD if he's still friends with her on Facebook. JD said he thinks he is. He said he hasn't done anything.
Howard said it must suck when she breaks up with you over text. JD said it was over IM actually. Howard said he can't imagine breaking up over either one. He said JD must have taken it hard. Howard imagined that JD just typed back ''LOL'' when she told him she was breaking up.
Howard said chicks always give you a reason for why they're breaking up but they never tell you the real reason. Howard said that really sucks for JD. He said he gets the feeling he fucked her. JD said he has said a lot about her and she's not happy about that. He said that no one knows who she is and she knows who she is so some people know who she is. He said that she doesn't want everyone knowing what she did.
Howard told JD he really has to work on that facial hair. He told him to lift up his neck and show what's going on there. He said it's like an insane person's beard. Howard told JD he's sorry about the break up. He said maybe his cock is too small. JD said he's doing just fine with that. Howard said he must have a big one. He said he'll find a new girl. This girl wasn't ''the one'' and everyone knew it. They wrapped up and went to break after that.
In the clip Howard was showing Robin his body and he eventually told her that he, Gary and Ratso had a discussion about how they think Robin was in love with him. Howard said he's pretty sure that she does. Howard said Gary told him that he knows when it happened. Howard said he thinks it happened in Washington and it went through the time they were at WNBC. Howard said she eventually realized that she couldn't have him. Robin said she was never in love with him and he's crazy.
Howard said he thinks that something was going on. Gary said something like that isn't out of the question when you work together so closely for so long.
Howard said when Robin had her nervous breakdown he almost couldn't take it anymore. He said he can work with sick people but not that sick. Howard said his mother even told him she thought Robin was in love with him. He said she told him that she had issues to work out and she was acting the same way she and his father act together. Howard said he liked that.
Robin said she thinks that Howard is in love with her. Howard said he never denies that. Howard said he's in love with just about any woman that walks. He said the theory is that Robin wants him and she can't have him. Robin said Howard is the one who wants her. Howard said he does want her. He said he's willing to admit that.
Howard said Robin can admit it to him. He asked her to honestly say that she's never wanted to sleep with him. Robin said she has never felt that way. She said she's willing to take a lie detector test about that too. Howard told Gary to get the lie detector guy. Howard said Robin can't even look him in the eye. He said she's like a school girl talking to him. She can't even look him in the eye.
Gary said they also discussed if Robin was a lesbian or not. Gary said they talked about how long it took them to figure that out. Gary said he thought she was for a while. Howard said no one would think any less of her if she was in love with him. Robin said she's not sure how he came to that conclusion. Howard said it was the way she acted aroudn him. Howard asked Fred if he agrees. Fred went along with it.
Robin said that they don't know. Robin said in order to create what they have on the air she had to pretend to be in love with him. She said she had to be in that mindset to have what they have on the air. She said she's just a great actress. Gary said she should be getting Oscars every year then.
Howard asked Robin if she ever loved Tom. Robin said she lusted after Tom. She just likes him. Gary said he's trying to conjure up the vision of Howard and Robin doing it.
Howard said he tried to discourage Robin from loving him. He said he would stop showering or stop shaving and things like that. Robin said that if she was so in love then how could she not do something. She said she has no inhibitions so she goes for it if she wants it.
Jackie asked if Robin ever thought about Howard when she's masturbating. Robin said she never did. Howard said he has to hook her up to the lie detector. He said she's so repressed. Robin said she was never in love with him.
Howard had the guys get the Gary Puppet and the Jackie Puppet. Howard said he was going to recreate what Robin wanted from him with the puppets. Robin said she knows Howard wishes he had this but it was never there.
Howard got the Jackie puppet and Jackie had the Gary puppet playing Robin. They did that for about 15 seconds before Howard bailed on the bit. They went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about a newspaper ad for penis enlargement. Howard read the ad and they do a lot of plastic surgery and other things. Howard said they do scrotum enhancement too. Robin said she doesn't understand that. Howard said he kind of does. Howard said he's very small everywhere except his scrotum. Robin asked why they give private parts such funny names. Howard said it's like the guy who came up with them was a comedian trying to make us laugh.
Howard asked Robin if she spends time looking at that area. Robin said she has. Howard said his scrotum almost disappears. He said something must have happened to him when he was younger. He said everything is small on him. He said that when he's relaxed it almost looks normal. He said when he's nervous it shrinks up even more. Jackie said it really varies a lot.
Howard said he's small now but his scrotum is big. He said he thinks the enhancement is to make it larger. Robin asked if it's that or do they make it more handsome. Howard said maybe they take the wrinkles out. He said he figures they make it bigger like putting a slip cover on your bed. Howard said he can't shower in front of other guys because of the way it looks.
Robin said she heard there's a new group of guys in Hollywood who have large genitals. Howard said it used to be Milton Berle, Forrest Tucker and someone else. Robin said now it's Liam Neeson, James Woods and someone else. Howard said he knew a guy at summer camp who was real ugly but he had this sexy, cute girlfriend and he figured he had a big ween or a lot of coke. Howard said he saw him in the shower and his ween was hanging down to his foot. He said he figured he didn't have any coke.
Jackie said he knew a guy on his track team that was so huge that he could urinate across the street. He said it was a thing to see.
Howard said Jackie always says one thing too many. He was telling a story about Milton Berle and someone seeing him in the bathroom. Howard said sometimes he'll tell a story and he has no idea what he's talking about. Howard said Fred didn't even get that one. Fred said he'd be guessing if he had to figure that out.
Intern Show Discussions. 05/17/07. 6:30am
Artie told the guys he was listening to The Intern Show last night and enjoyed hearing The Inty Awards. He said they had some funny stuff on the show and talked about some of the subjects they had on the show. They have one called ''Who the Fuck Is That Guy'' where they talk about people who work there that they don't know. Ross Zapin was brought up in that Inty Award. Artie said the show was actually very funny. He won ''Funniest'' and ''Most Popular'' awards. He told the guys about some of the other awards they were giving away.
Artie said that the person who won ''easiest job'' on that show was JD. One of the candidates in that category was Fred of all people. Howard said that's great. Steve the Intern came in and said that they had people vote on the people who were in there and the interns seem to think that all Fred does is hit a button. Fred said that's basically all he does and then went off on the interns, or little pricks as Fred called them, for insulting him like that. He said they have no idea what he does there.
Howard said he wasn't even nominated for the funniest person around there. Steve said that Artie, Richard and Sal were the people nominated. They also talked about ''Biggest Head Case'' which Sal won. There was one for ''Creepiest person'' and JD won that one. There was one category of ''Most Like Someone's Father'' which Scott the Engineer, Gary and Jon Hein were all nominated for. Gary said that one was horrible and he's glad he didn't win it. He said he took a picture with one of the cute interns yesterday and she told him that her mother loves him. He hates hearing that kind of thing. Howard thinks that he's losing it himself because the interns don't even talk about wanting to fuck him anymore.
Steve told the guys that Will won the ''Best Looking'' person there even though there were some hot chicks on the list. Howard asked if any of the hot interns were there because he needs to hear one of them say that they would fuck him. Scott's intern Rachel came in and said that she loves Howard and would do him. She said she wouldn't fuck Scott the Engineer though. Rachel said that she's a mind fuck so she had to explain that to Howard. She said that if she thinks a guy is brilliant, she's turned on by them. That's what she meant by that.
Gary asked Rachel if she lived with a semi-celebrity. She said she did and it was Jay Mews from the Kevin Smith movies. She said she was 19 at the time. Rachel said she's 27 now, she didn't go to college early on, she put it off for a few years. Artie asked her if that Jason Mews dude had problems like he heard he did. She didn't get into details but said he kind of did.
Howard asked Rachel what's going on between her and Ronnie. She said she's fine but there was a time when Ronnie would say something kind of fucked up to make her look bad when someone else would walk by. Howard said there's always a lot of yelling and stuff between Ronnie and JD in the mornings. He constantly breaks his chops. Ronnie loves to torture people but he can't take it himself.
Ronnie came in and said that he's not going there with Rachel. He told Howard not to go there. Rachel said that people get really angry with each other in the back. She said that people stay mad when something happens in the studio and they hold a grudge. Howard said that Ronnie has people he doesn't want to talk to and he avoids them. Ronnie said he wasn't going to go there with Rachel so he told Howard to drop it. Ronnie said that he and JD have a thing they do in the mornings and that's what he was hearing this morning.
Robin said she was fascinated with the Ronnie thing with Rachel. Gary said he was dying to know what it was he didn't want to talk about. Ronnie said that Rachel has cried back in the office there. That led to Rachel talking about how she kind of screwed up one time when she started out there and saw Howard get really upset and that led to her getting upset that she had screwed up. Ronnie said that Scott really ripped her a new asshole after that. She said that she had 3 people come in and yell at her after that screw up. Howard said there has to be something else going on there. Rachel said that Scott, Ronnie and Evan all came back and made fun of her for the screw up.
Rachel said that there was a time that she didn't talk to JD for about 4 months because of something that happened on the air. She said that she's got issues with other guys as well. Artie asked what happened there. She said it was about the day she talked about the rides she was giving him back to his home and he got upset with her and stopped talking to her. She said they just started talking again recently.
Rachel said that there was also something with Gary and she's not sure if he still has a grudge against her. Gary said she seems to be thinking too much about what people think about her there. He said he doesn't spend any time thinking about her the way she's thinking about him. Gary also said that it seems like she came to work there and maybe came in not quiet enough. She brought in gifts for them and Gary thought that maybe it was a bit too much.
Gary came in and said that he really likes Rachel and she works very hard. She sometimes comes into his office to comment on stuff that happens on the show but he thinks she shouldn't come in so much. He said he actually likes her. She was going to leave but Ronnie said something to her about her ''starting it'' with him. Howard said that Ronnie has a noxious personality and he really doesn't know it.
Robin said that it is tough to get through Ronnie's group of people when they're all hanging out in the halls every day. Howard told Ronnie that he's not supposed to have a personality when he's out in the hall with people. Ronnie came back in yelling at Howard about how he's been doing a great job keeping the halls clear out there. He said that he does just as good of a job in the hall as Howard does behind the microphone. Robin said that he was saying that he was the Howard Stern of security. Ronnie said that's right and laughed as he responded to that comment.
Artie was talking about how Rachel really did come in there being very nice giving them gifts and stuff. He talked about how some people may have gotten upset with her about that. They discussed that for a few seconds but Howard couldn't stop talking about Ronnie and how he's not supposed to be a personality out there. He's security and he shouldn't be hanging out with people the way he does.
In the clip Howard was complaining about how he hates people. He said he has to get into the news. Howard talked about how they were showing off for Orlando when they did their show yesterday. Howard said they'll give up on that soon enough. Howard said he'd really like a TV show where they have just Fred on camera. Fred asked why he's so angry at him. Howard said he's going around the room.
Howard said Suzanne Pleshette will be sitting in on the news. He asked how she was doing and Billy West did his impression of her in a very deep smoker's voice. Howard had her do some of her lines from Newhart. Billy did some of those and Howard told him to comment on the news if he wants.
Robin read a story about President Nixon and Billy did his impression as they were talking about him. Robin read some of the story she had about him. Howard did his Nixon impression and commented on the stuff Robin was reading. Fred did his Nixon impression too. Robin was saying that they found that Nixon may have been racist. She said that he didn't think blacks were capable of building and adequate nation. She read some of the other things they find out in this book that are being published about Nixon. Howard did more of his impression and had Nixon complaining about the Jews. Robin read some news about Ted Kennedy too so Howard did his Kennedy impression.
Howard was going back and forth with his Nixon and Kennedy impressions. Jackie and Billy were laughing at some of the lines.
Robin kept going with the story about Nixon. Jackie was writing Howard lines and cracking up whenever Howard would read them. Howard's Nixon said his least favorite month was June because it has the word Jew in it. July was his second least favorite and his third was September because it had the N-word in it. It didn't make any sense but it cracked everyone up.
Robin went through some more news and Howard stayed in his Nixon impression. He did his Henry Kissinger impression too.
Robin read about Jennifer Capriatti having some problems. She said that she was arrested on Monday and charged with the possession of marijuana. Fred did his Jackie impression and had him freaking out and asking ''Why? Why? Why?'' Billy did more of his Suzanne Pleshette impression too.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:45am.