|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he was keeping his headphones super low because he's losing some hearing. Howard said he has this alarm in his kitchen if he leaves his refrigerator door open and he can't hear it. He said Beth tells him about it and he can't hear it going off. Howard said it's too high pitch for him. Robin said he should go to the doctor. Howard said his parents can't hear a fucking thing and he doesn't want to end up like them. He said he has been checked out at the doctor though.
Howard said he's hoping that in the future they'll be able to fix that stuff. Robin said they are talking about some things they'll be able to do for boosting your brain and things like that. Robin said they do grow ears on a mouse's back. Howard said they do that but then you never see anyone getting a new ear because of that.
Howard said his parents and his sister are living with him. He said that he's been trying to get his parents to move for the past 5 years. He said any time there is any tragedy his parents block is the last one to get their power back. Howard said they're saying they may not get it back until Wednesday or Thursday. Howard said his sister is the same. He said that he's not sure why they don't have power. Robin said they're not near water. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said one of his listeners must work for LIPA and he will blow that person if they can just put the power on at his parent's house. Howard said he doesn't care what it takes. He said that they showed up on Wednesday last week. He said his mother walked in crying and upset. He said that she was crying about the people suffering. Howard said he has a generator going and he told her to just calm the fuck down. Howard said his dad is stone deaf now and he doesn't hear a thing. He said he's annoyed with everything and he asks ''what did Howard say?'' all the time. He said he'll actually say ''what did he say'' instead of saying his name.
Howard said his mother called him a jerk. He said that he doesn't care what it takes. He needs their power back on. He said he'll pay off someone to fix this thing. Howard said he figured that if he worked for Long Island Power he'd turn his own power on. Robin said they can't do it one house at a time. Howard said his parents live in a town but their post office isn't really that town. He said both towns have full power restored except for their street. Howard said he told them they have to move out of that town. He said they love the house but it's becoming a burden to everyone. Howard said he's the one who keeps up their house. He said he has to do everything for them.
Howard said that they wanted to wait out the power outage but he had to convince them to come over. Howard said they say he has too much food and all he's tying to do is do something nice. He said his mom is complaining about the food and his dad is saying ''what?'' He did his impressions of both of them while describing what's happening at his house. Howard said his mother is crying every minute about people suffering. He said he's just trying to fucking eat and his mom is crying about helping people. Howard said she can go outside and help people if she wants.
Howard said his mother left the water on in the bathroom and Beth told him not to tell them what he found. Howard said he figured they could handle it if he told them. He said he was wrong. Howard said they wanted to leave the house because he pointed it out. He said he just wanted to let them know. Howard said he's going insane with this. He said he has to find someone from LIPA to call Gary and tell him that they can fix this power outage. Howard said everyone likes to come to his house. He said his niece has power but his sister wanted to come to his house. Howard said as soon as his sister came over she asked for hot water. He said he asked if she wasn't just in the car for 2 hours and why she's cold. Howard said she just came out of the car so she's not cold. Howard said his mother is the same way. He said he didn't realize how similar the two of them are. He said that she was like frostbitten after the 11 second walk from the car to the house.
Howard said he has no voice because he's been yelling to his mom and dad the whole weekend. Howard said he was telling his parents that he just wanted to say when they use the water that they turn off the water by pressing down on the thing. Howard said his dad threw his mother right under the bus. He said he told him that she was the one who left it on. Howard said his dad went off on her saying that she did it. Howard said he just asked them to keep an eye on it. Howard said his mother started crying and said she turned it off. Howard said it was okay and he was sorry he brought it up. Howard said his mom thought she had turned it off.
Howard asked again for someone from LIPA to just turn his parent's power on. Howard said he doesn't care what they have to do. He said he's not sure why they have power all around them but not their block. Howard said if you think he's funny and has entertained you all these years then just help him out with this. Howard said he wants to move his parents to this nice apartment building and they won't go. Howard said he has tried to convince them to move but they don't want to do it. Howard said he tells them that the house is a burden but they don't want to hear it. He said they have wonderful neighbors who help but he thinks they only help because he's famous.
Howard said he'd like them to make it easier on him and get rid of that house. Howard said they love their neighbors. He said they always talk about that when he tries to get them to move. Howard said he wants them to give him a break but that won't happen. Howard said he pays for everything. He said he's the reason their house isn't falling down. Howard said his mother tells him they love the house and asks where they're going to go. Howard said Dr. Lou's mom lives in this building. Howard said he'll buy the apartment and sell the house. Howard said his mother wonders how they're going to move their stuff. Howard said he will get the moving crew and move everything for them. Howard said she doesn't want to do it.
Robin said that everyone she knows who has done this with their parents is always happy about it. The parents end up loving the place. Howard said that's what he's tried to tell his parents. He said they have their car and the yogurt shop and all of that. Howard said they can still go to the yogurt shop. Robin asked if he's driven with them. Howard said he hasn't. He said they have never had an accident.
Howard said that he told his parents they'd have no maintenance and they'd have plenty of things to do there. Howard said it's not a retirement home. He said it's a condo type of place. Robin said they have social events there. Howard said they won't even go there to look at the place.
Howard said his dad can't figure out how to work a cell phone. He said he was a technical guy. He said his father thought that if they left the phone on he wasn't sure how it would ring. Howard said he sent his father into the other room and he heard music. He said that was the ringing of the phone. Howard told his dad how to answer it.
Howard said his house is really nicely maintained. He said that he put them in a room with a TV and they weren't able to work that. Howard said they just know how to use their TV at home. Howard said his dad is hitting this Equestron thing he has. Howard said Beth overheard his parents talking about not wanting to bother him. Howard said they weren't able to turn on the TV in their room. He said Beth emailed him about that. He said every minute there's an emergency. Howard said he has to get them out of his house. He said it's just not fair. He said they have to drop everything else and get them out of there.
Howard said with the gas shortage he has to get them back home. He said his brother-in-law dropped his sister off and went back to the house. Howard said he doesn't understand what the carrying on is. Howard said he's not sure what people do without a brother like him. Howard said he told them to go to a hotel or something but they won't do that.
Howard said he told his parents that he'd get their power back on. He said his sister asked about her. Howard said she can go sit in their house instead. Howard said he's not god so he can't get everyone's power back on. Howard said his parents are all upset. He said that his father is worried about voting. Howard said that his father wants to vote for Obama.
Robin asked if they have the gas lines out on Long Island. Howard said it's unbelievable what's going on out there.
Howard said over in England they have built up their infrastructure to help. He said that we have to do the same thing here. Howard said the government can hire people and get that going. He said we have to stop giving money to the middle East and pump it into this country. Howard said we are teetering on disaster. Howard said you have to get off of this republican notion that the states are going to run things for themselves is nuts. Howard said it's apparent how much government we need with this mess. He said there are people who are waiting in line for gasoline. Robin said that someone raised his prices to $6 a gallon. Howard said that's gouging.
Howard said that we need regulations for that and for Wall Street. He said we have to stop it already. Howard said that's the way it works.
Howard said we need the government to invest in infrastructure. Robin asked about the crane that was dangling there. Howard said that was addressed finally. He said that people saying that the states should run things is crazy. He said you're out of your mind if that's the way you think things should run.
Howard said that Chris Christie was embracing President Obama. Howard said that's what he likes to see. Howard said that these people forget the basics in the country. He said the politicians forget about all of that. Howard said that's the case.
Robin said they had a couple of politicians on 60 Minutes last night and the republican hates all of the stuff the democrats want to do. The democrat guy was talking about compromising. Howard said the tea party movement has been so proud of not compromising. He said they filibuster and they get nothing done. Howard said they want abortion done away with and they're just ill. He said they want even more people on this planet. He said we have too many already.
Howard said the Chris Christie and Barack Obama love fest was all over the place last week. He said that Jimmy Kimmel and David Letterman was another bromance he was jealous of. Howard said he felt like he was being cheated on. Howard said they were trying to form a relationship and he felt jealous. Howard said that Jimmy is moving up. Robin said he's stepping on Howard to get up to Dave. Howard said that he knows Dave cheats but he didn't know Jimmy was like that.
Howard said he's all for less people voting so his vote counts more. Howard said that he'd like it if he was the only one who could vote.
Gary said he knows someone who lives near Howard's parents and they didn't lose power. They're on the grid with the hospital so that's probably why. Howard said he has to end this today so he can get his parents out of his house.
Gary said when his mom was feeling well she dropped names to him about people who had bought their parents homes. He said that she wanted out of her house. Howard said he can't get them to move away from theirs. Howard said he has to get them out of the house. He said it's complaint after complaint.
Howard said they made soup for lunch one say and he tried to give that to his mother but she didn't want it. She just wanted some yogurt. Howard said that she was saying that it was too much food. Howard said she doesn't have to eat it all but she complains and complains. Howard was doing his impression of her while he talked about her.
Howard said his mother can't hear a thing. He said he asked his dad about the next storm that's coming up later this week. Howard said that these republican's are anti-science and they don't think there's proof that there is global warming. Howard said they find one scientist who says no. Robin said they say that the water level has been rising in New York an inch a year for a long time.
Howard said that he's not sure why his staff is there this week. He said there's another storm coming so they had better get home to protect their homes.
Robin said that most of the deaths in this storm came from people who stayed at home to protect their homes. Robin said one guy had his house looted last year during Irene so he stayed at home this time and he lost his life because the storm washed him away.
Howard said you forget how negative your parents are. He said that it's all doom and gloom. Howard said he's been talking to a psychiatrist for 3 days a week for so long and now they're back in his life. Howard said poor Beth is stuck at home with them. He said that she wanted to put a movie on for them but he told her not to. He said that they'll just complain about it. Howard said his dad will be yelling about not being able to hear.
Howard said he and Beth are taking their Christmas card picture. He said that he didn't want his parents in the way so he tried to get them to watch a movie. Howard said he had to get them busy for 2 hours so he could do the photo shoot. Howard said after all of this he definitely doesn't want kids. He said he forgot about how hard it is.
Howard said his dad loves the newspaper so he got him the NY Times and the Daily News. Howard said his mother saw him reading and she said she doesn't like to see him reading too much because he gets irritated. Howard said his mother doesn't read because it upsets her. Howard said she complains about his dad getting irritable. Howard said when he finishes with the paper it's all wrinkled up and a mess. Howard said they put the papers on the kitchen table so they can read them. Howard said his father walks over and tells them they can throw them out now. Howard said his dad tells them that it was yesterday's paper. Howard said he was going to throw it out. Howard said someone from Long Island Power has to call and help him out here. Howard said this will help them all out.
Howard said he had an old movie called ''Iron Lady'' that he gave to his parents to watch. Howard said he kept them busy with that while he did his Christmas Card photo shoot. Howard said there is no way they're going to live with him if they get sick. He said they're going right into a nursing home. Howard said that they weren't that great to him as a kid and he's not going to care for them. Howard said that his mother is talking about what a great mother she was. Howard said she talks about how she taught her children what was needed and what she expected. Howard said she told them that she didn't put up with any nonsense. Howard said she thinks that they did whatever she told them to do. Howard said she was so proud about how obedient they were. He said it was very emasculating. Howard said she told him that he was a momma's boy and he'd pester her all the time.
Howard said it was one big happy god damn party. He said he told Beth he was going to jump out a window. Howard said Beth loves them but he says he loves them but they're fucking annoying. Howard said Beth would take them in and care for them. Howard said he asked her if she's high. Howard said that she can stay with them and he's going to leave her. Howard said it was a very loving and sweet thing to say but he's going to put them in an old age home and visit them every Sunday.
Howard said Long Island Power has to get the fuck over to his parent's house and get that power back on. Howard said maybe Governor Cuomo can do something. Howard said he's doing a good job during this whole thing too.
Howard said he heard about this next storm that's coming this week. Howard said they say that we're going to have a storm on Wednesday. Howard said his dad knew about it and then his mother said ''What?'' and he just threw his arms up and laughed wondering what's going to happen next. Then his mother asked ''Why are you laughing like a jerk?'' Howard said he asked what the fuck her problem was. Howard said he wondered what the hell was going on there. He said they just want to be back at home. Howard said they have to get back to their routine. Howard said he asked his parents what they would be doing at home that they're not doing there. They weren't able to come up with anything.
Howard said he has a warm bed and TV for them. He said he's not sure what else they need. Howard said his mom thought that they were inconveniencing him. Howard said he can deal with that. Howard said his parents are ready to leave as soon as they get there. Howard said he played some Gin Rummy with his father and had some nice conversation too. He said they were all together and things were okay. He said it's not the end of the world. Howard said his mother was saying she was just upset. Howard asked her to stop being so upset. She was complaining about so much food again.
Howard said that his mother is like a martyr. He said she has to suffer along with everyone else. Howard said that his sister is there too and once she got there she was happy. He said she's thinking about not leaving. He said that would be another problem.
Howard said his sister said she had to hear the show today and asked where to hear it. Howard said she listens every day and he didn't know that. Howard said he told her not to listen today. He said she's probably listening though. He said hello to her. Howard said that Ellen lives in a good neighborhood and some of the neighbors have power but not her. Howard said the power company must be trying to make him miserable.
Howard said he saw that in Ohio they've been able to vote for a couple of weeks now. Howard said he doesn't know why they don't have that there in New York. Robin said that way they can still get the flip flop vote there.
Howard said he should be the only judge on America's Got Talent and it should be the same for the election. Howard said that would be so great.
Howard said Sal and Richard went out and interviewed some people about the election as if it were over already. Howard played the audio and people thought the election was really over. They told the people that Romney won. One woman was saying she knew he won and it was good news when she heard it. The woman thought that Obama had move to Canada but she'd vote for him next year and get him to come back.
Howard played another clip where Sal and Richard asked a guy if he knew about Romney winning. He said he did. He said that he was busy last Wednesday for the voting. He also believed that Obama had moved to Canada. He said he would vote next year but he was busy taking care of business this year.
Howard played another interview Sal and Richard did with a woman who said that Obama hadn't done that much for her. She said ''holy shit'' when she heard that Romney had won. She said she voted for Obama and she was heading to Canada if Obama was going up there. Howard said that was the president of IBM right there.
Howard said he's on a national radio show and he can't get a movie screener. Howard said Matt Lauer gets them and he never even talks about them. Gary said that they want to give them a movie but they want to take the copy back within a couple of hours.
Howard told Gary to get him those movies he asked for. Howard said that the new Helen Hunt movie sounds good and he wants a copy of that too. Howard said that Helen Hunt is a sex therapist and she fucks this guy who has some affliction. Gary said he couldn't remember what the affliction was. Howard said Beth told him that the movie was good. He said he wants to see it.
Howard said that we really have to get money back into this country's infrastructure. He said we have to put the money into this country and stop sending it to other countries. Howard said he and Jesse Ventura have to get to work.
Gary said they have some audio of Sal and Richard asking people if they would vote for Howard Stern and Jesse Ventura. Howard played one clip and this woman said that Howard Stern is disgusting. Howard cut that off and said that he would concentrate on infrastructure in this country if he ran. Howard said that's what his platform would be.
Gary asked if he would make people buy generators for gas stations. Howard said that's one thing he would do. Gary said that the small business owner would complain that they were forcing them to buy them. Howard said that they have to get this stuff done. Howard said he would put all of the tax dollars into infrastructure. Howard said he would get he unemployment rate down to zero. He said everyone would be working.
Gary said it's kind of embarrassing that we have to have people from Canada coming down to help us fix the damage here. He said he's glad they're there but it's embarrassing.
Howard said he has to run for President. He said he might have to run against Jesse Ventura. Robin said we have a lot of problems. She said it's overwhelming. Robin said that we've left too much to be done later. Robin said it's the economy, trade, education and more. Howard said we have to stop giving money to other countries and concentrate on our own. Howard said once the country is built back up then we'll help others. Howard said we have to work on ourselves first.
Howard said no one wants to look at global warming. He said he's going to do away with skin cancer when he's president too. Robin said that the looters have to think about how awful they are. Howard said that he has to take a break and get to more after that.
Howard took a call before going to break. The caller said that if he had a dying wish he would wish for Howard to do his parent's voices for a day. Howard said he just did an hour. He said he spent a lot of time with his parents so he honed up on that impression. Howard said if you go to his house then you'll have that impression 24/7. Howard said he has to get their power fixed so he can get them back home. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the Billy Joel song. Howard said he has to write a song like that about the storm they just had. He started making up lyrics about his parents coming to his house and not leaving. He threw in some lines about LIPA not caring and how the lights went out at his parent's house and his mom complaining about there being too much food. Howard sang about his mom complaining about the soup and not having yogurt.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about that song. Robin said it sounds like a Greek tragedy. Howard made up more lyrics and sang them to the tune of Miami 2017.
Howard said Ronnie told him that he was going to vote. He said he's like Andrew Dice Clay when he talks to him.
Howard said this guy Chris Brown needs a publicist. Howard said he dressed up as a terrorist for Halloween. Howard said he did everything but blow himself up. Howard said the next thing he's going to do is break Jerry Sandusky out of prison and win us all over. Howard said he must want people to hate him.
Howard said a lot of people are happy with the long gas lines because it'll keep Ronnie's pace car off the road. Howard said that's a purple monstrosity that we don't need to see.
Howard said that they had a telethon last week and it made millions. Howard said he missed it. He said they had Jimmy Fallon and Billy Joel singing together. He said they raised $23 million in donations. Robin said she hasn't sent in her donation yet. She said she missed the telethon.
Howard said that he missed it but he's reading about Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi being there. Howard said he didn't get a call to be part of it. He said he thinks he got a call to sit in the audience though.
JD told Howard that he has some audio clips from the telethon. Fred said he saw it and Billy did a great version of ''Miami 2017.'' Howard said Christina Aguilera was there and sang ''I Am Beautiful.'' Howard said she sings that these days and people say ''Uh, not really.'' Howard said if you gain weight you have to stop wearing tight clothes. Howard said that Christina wears stuff that's way too tight. Howard played some of her performance from the telethon and asked JD if she's still fuckable. JD said she's a little heavy but her boobs are bigger. Howard said someone has to talk to her about the weight gain. Robin said it might not be under her control. Howard said she could have walked to the telethon. Robin said she was wearing all black. Howard said JD told him that she blended into the wall. Howard said it's time for her to come up with another song.
Howard kept talking about Christina and her weight gain. Robin said that she might have an issue. Howard said that issue is eating too much. Howard said she should be eating during the song. He maybe she should sing more so she can't eat at all. He played more of her song and said she's actually singing to her refrigerator or one of those giant Subway sandwiches. Howard and the guys were all doing impressions of her singing to the sandwich.
Howard said this is the only song she has that anyone remembers. Howard said that she hasn't figured out how to parlay that into a long time career. Howard said Adam Levine has figured it out. He played more of the song and described what it would look like if she was singing to a sandwich.
Howard said she does have a beautiful voice. He said if he could sing like that even High Pitch Mike would love him. Howard said he's trying to keep that guy employed. Howard said that's right, he works for Sirius XM. Howard said he can't wait to see if they keep him around when he leaves that place.
Howard said if only every fat girl in the country could sing like that their problems would be over. Howard played more of her song and said she should have invited him to duet with her. JD said Howard could have held the food for her. Howard said he could have just come in at various moments. He said he wouldn't sing the whole time.
Howard played Billy Joel's performance of ''Miami 2017.'' Howard said he never gets invited to these things. He said that he could judge and buzz people. Howard played more of the song and said it was beautiful. He said he got the chills. Howard said he wouldn't buzz Billy. Howard let the song play a little longer.
Howard said that Jimmy Fallon and Steven Tyler and Billy Joel and others performed ''Under the Boardwalk.'' Howard played some of that but they had microphone problems in the beginning. Howard played the song and Jimmy Fallon was singing but you couldn't hear him. They eventually turned on his microphone. Howard cut that one off and played some of Aerosmith's ''Dream On'' performance.
Howard played some of Jon Bon Jovi's performance and it was a new song. Howard said you don't play a new song at a benefit show. Robin said it wasn't a new song. It was one of their newer hits. JD said that they did one of their older hits too. Howard said he doesn't know this song. Robin said he'll get it when he hears the chorus. Howard let that one play a little longer. Howard finally recognized it. Howard asked why they got to do two songs. JD said they kind of melded one into another. Howard played the other song and it was ''Livin' On a Prayer.''
Howard played Sting's performance of ''Message in a Bottle'' next. Howard said you know there's a tragedy when he plays that song. Howard asked who was playing guitar on that song, him?
Howard had Mary J. Blige's performance from the show. Howard said that he's going to try to get into this one. He said he'd probably hit the buzzer on this one. Fred played the buzzer sound as the song started.
Howard asked what song Bruce Springsteen did. Gary said it was ''Land of Hope and Dreams'' and Howard said that wasn't one of his hits. Gary said that was one of his newer hits. He said Scott DePace was complaining that he wanted to hear something he knew. Howard played that song and said he might have to hit the buzzer on that one too. Fred played the buzzer sounds again. Howard made the sounds that they play on America's Got Talent. Howard told Bruce how he was showing some arrogance by not playing the right song.
Gary told Howard that Scott Salem pointed out that the guys showed up without their full band other than Bruce. JD said that Billy Joel had a full band too. Howard said he did a hit song too. He said you'll notice that Billy didn't get the buzzer. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he feels that Fred is doing an American kind of theme there. Fred said he did hear that song being played over the weekend. Howard said he figured he'd be playing ''Gangnam Style'' for those people waiting in line at the gas stations.
Howard said some dude tried to cut in front of Ronnie in a line. Howard said the guy acted like he didn't know there was a line. Howard said that ''Gangnam Style'' might be a better song for times like this. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard went to the phones after that. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is the biggest New York guy and he's never invited to any of these benefits. Howard said he was at one after 9/11. Howard said they needed singers and that type of entertainment. The caller said it would have been great to see him on this telethon. Howard said if they had him on they would have raised $100 million.
Gary said that Danny DeVito was at the benefit and he's had really bad press over the past month. He said that his hair was a mess too. He said he thinks that Howard would have been a better representative for New York. Howard said he's the bad boy though. He said he doesn't know what to do. The guys showed a shot of Danny on the telethon and he did have crazy hair. Howard said that guy is going to be dangerous now that he's single. He told the supermodels to watch out.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said that Aerosmith is doing a free concert in Boston. He said that they're putting up a plaque at Boston University. Howard said that he used to room with Joey Kramer in an apartment. He said that Joey was in the same building.
Robin said that Aerosmith screwed up and said the wrong name for the show of one of those morning shows they appeared on.
Tommy asked Howard why Jimmy Fallon is doing the lead on ''Under the Boardwalk.'' Howard said he has a good voice and people like seeing him. He said that you sometimes have to get these performers to get up and sing. He said he's not sure what was going on there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he thinks Howard has problems with the staff there. He said that he was in the military himself and he was in there for 10 years. The guy told Howard he should go over this Air Force paperwork that would help him out. Howard said he has his brigadier outfit on today and he will make that happen.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said he has had it with no power. He said his house is down to 50 degrees and his fish are dying. He said he has no heat there. Howard asked Robin if she was ripping something. Robin said she was. Howard said she can turn down the microphone when she does that. Robin said she doesn't have that control.
Bobo said that he had his electrical cord stolen from his house. Howard said the worst in man comes out when stuff like this happens. Bobo said he had to wait in line for gas for 3 hours and you waste gas just looking for gas. He said that they are price gouging at the place he went to too.
Ronnie came in and told the story about the guy who just pulled up to a pump as if there were no line. He said the guy was an older guy and acted all confused. He said there was a guy who saw the guy do it and he was screaming at the top of his lungs at the guy. He was yelling about calling the police. He said the guy in the office was afraid to come out so he didn't do anything. The other guy was yelling at him to turn the pump off and not turn it on. Howard said he needs Ronnie to do that. Ronnie said it's insane what's going on. He said people will park their car and leave it at the gas station even if they have no gas. Ronnie said he can't figure it out. Robin said it's in the ground and they don't have power to get it out.
Howard said we need to get all of the money we're sending to other countries and get everyone a generator at a gas station. Howard said they should all have back up generators. Ronnie said it's mandatory in Florida. Howard said he'd put his foot down if he was President. Howard said he won't give a shit about social issues. He said he'll just concentrate on infrastructure. Howard said that's what they're going to do. He said they're going to have dam walls around Manhattan. Howard said Egypt can go figure out their own problems.
Bobo told Howard about some friend that lost his cars in the storm. Ronnie said his car is fine. He said he never even lost power.
Gary said that he did get a call from someone who wants to help out his parents. Gary said he will take any other calls from anyone who wants to help. Howard said he's going to pour all of their resources into his parent's house if he's president. Howard said he's going to build a nuclear reactor behind his parent's house if he become president.
Howard said that this place will be really sleek if he's President. Howard said he's going to hide all of the power lines and all of that. He said they'll have sea walls and zero percent unemployment.
Ronnie asked Howard why he doesn't get his parents a generator that kicks on automatically. Howard said he just wants to move them. He said they don't have the gas line they would need for a generator. Howard said they won't listen to him. He said that he has to get them out of their house. Ronnie said he has to get them into a condo. Howard said that's what he's trying to do.
Bobo told Howard that we're lucky to have him. Howard told Bobo to go get his parent's power back on. Bobo doesn't have it himself so he can't help. Bobo said he's dying there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Mitch McConnell was the guy who was saying that he wanted to get rid of Obama and make him a one term president. He said that they gave him roadblocks over the past few years to make it tough on him. Howard said he's voting for Obama. The caller said that's good. Howard said that we can't let the states run things. He said that they're all full of shit.
The caller told Howard that republicans are bent out of shape now that Chris Christie is saying positive things about Obama. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard said it's a disaster. Howard said it's not easy for Christie to put his arm around anything and now he's doing it with the President. He said he's had it with the republican's saying that the states will handle their own. He said he has to remind everyone not to vote so his vote counts more.
The caller said he was able to vote last week in New Jersey. Howard said that they should have a two week time period to vote. He said they make it one stupid day.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who was yelling at him. Debbie asked why he's bitching about LIPA when there are a lot of people who are without power. She said she was without power for 4 days. She kept asking if Howard could hear her. Howard said she had better not have power if his parents don't. Howard said if LIPA is listening they should take her power and send it to his parent's house. Debbie kept yelling and not listening to what Howard was saying. Howard told Gary to look up her name and take her power away. Debbie yelled ''No!'' while he was doing that.
Howard asked Debbie who her power company is. Debbie told Howard how they can get power by going down there and crying. Howard asked what power company she has. She refused to tell them. Robin said she must have Con-Ed. Debbie said that she doesn't. She said she went down and cried and they gave it to her. Gary said she lost 3 pets according to Shuli. Howard tried to find out what pet she lost but Debbie was screaming on the phone. Howard asked what she lost. Debbie said she didn't want to talk about the pet she lost. She said she's there freezing her ass off. Debbie said she lost her baby pet mice. She said they're not your average mice. They were rare.
Shuli came in and asked if she lost any pet roaches. Howard said that she has human ears growing on the rat's backs. Debbie said that her house got hit by a tree. Shuli said her pool got hit too. Debbie said that she's freezing in 50 degree heat. Howard laughed. Howard said this is kind of like having his parents there. He said his mother doesn't scream but she moans. Howard said everything is doom and gloom with her. Howard said he tells her to relax and they'll move them into a better place. Howard said his house is too much for her. Howard said she gets all emotional and starts getting upset. He did his impression of his mother talking about how glad she is that she has a son. Shuli said he knows what that's like. He said his mom is the same way.
Howard said he figured he was going to get his New York accent back after listening to his parents all weekend. Shuli said that his dad can't wait to deliver bad news to him. He said that he will talk about every plane crash while you're on a flight with him. He said that he couldn't wait to tell him about this other storm that's coming up the coast.
Howard said he told his mother about that and his dad hadn't told her. He said that she never reads the paper because it upsets her. He did his impression of his mom and dad talking about the weather. He said that he offered them coffee and his dad said ''we don't want that'' but his mom did want it. Howard said his dad will wait for everyone to get their food and then he'll wait for him to get him a plate. Howard said then he'll ask ''What's dat?'' Howard said the guy used to be really bright. Howard said he used to eat everything. Howard said now he asks ''What's dat!?'' Howard said he told him they were potatoes. He said his mom is complaining about how he had too much food. He said they chew with their mouths open too. Howard said his parents have to get their power back today. He said it's crazy. Howard said he wants to smoke weed and he doesn't even do that anymore.
Howard did an impression of his parents talking about how they're going to figure out if they have power at home. Howard said that they can't even work the phone to call their neighbor Jen. Howard said they had Beth call their neighbor to find out if they had power yet. The neighbor told them that it wasn't back and it might be back by Wednesday. Howard said his dad was telling everyone to be quiet so they could hear the update. Howard said Beth told them maybe Wednesday. Then his dad said that Beth was a genius for making that call. Howard said he doesn't know what happened to his dad. He said he lost it. He used to be on top of all of that. Howard said he told them that they have to get their power back on by all means. Howard said he has to get them to move too. Shuli said they still use a VCR so they're not going to change.
Howard said with all of these things he has his mother wonders if he could get her Tuesday's Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he could do that but he'd have to play it on the computer. He said his mom said she would watch that. Howard said he killed an hour with them on the computer like that.
Howard said he walked in and they were watching someone singing on the show. He asked how they could sit through that. Howard said he started dancing around to the music and his mom said ''Look at the klutz.'' Howard said he felt like he was back in high school. Howard said he was just called a klutz in his home where he's entertaining. Robin said they were big square dancers. Howard said they're some dancers. He said they all have tuchus that look like they haven't gotten off a couch in 3 years.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she has a 29 year old house guest so she knows what Howard is going through. She said she has to drive him to the train in the morning. Howard asked if her son's friends ever try to fuck her. Mariann said that's not happening. Howard asked if anyone had a crush on her because she's hot. Mariann said Howard needs glasses. Howard said he bets that she was a MILF 12 years ago. Mariann said she never was. She said he's the only one who has ever told her that so she thanked him for that. Mariann said her husband has told her that. She said she has told her that he wouldn't have married anyone that wasn't fuckable.
Mariann said that her voice is so bad that she thinks that when you do see her then you just think she's good looking. Mariann asked if Howard is staying with America's Got Talent or not. Howard said he doesn't know yet. Mariann said she wants to know first. Howard said he has no idea what is going on. He said he zoned out 10 minutes ago and he stopped listening to her.
Howard said he read that Sharon Osbourne had a double mastectomy over cancer concerns. Howard said he wishes that she would have spoken to him about that. Howard asked if you keep your own nips. Robin said they can do that. Howard said he doesn't know what Sharon was thinking. Howard asked Robin if she would remove her's in a preemptive kind of thing. Robin said she doesn't think so. Robin said that Christina Applegate had to do that and she had a collapse after that. Howard said he didn't know that. He said she had a nice rack. He said she must have had implants done. Robin said that she may have and she could have had her nips tattooed on or something like that.
Howard played number 4 which was Ke$ha. Fun was at number 3. Howard said number 2 was Psy's Gangnam Style. He said he still likes that one. Howard let that song play through until the chorus. Howard said he's not sure what Gangnam Style is. Robin said it's like an upscale style. Howard said someone said they have an intern there from Gangnam. Howard said he must be Gangnam Style. Benjy said he thinks that anyone from there can do that dance. Howard asked where that guy is. They sent the intern in and his name is Eeho.
Howard asked Eeho if he's proud of the song. Eeho said he only hears it when he's there at work. He said he has never done the dance. Robin asked if he's saying anything important in the song. Eeho said that the stuff he's talking about in the song is about people living beyond their means. Eeho said that the first verse is about a girl spending $5 on a coffee but then she can't even spend a dollar on her lunch. Howard had Eeho interpret some of the song for him. Eeho said that it's typical pop song stuff. Howard said he didn't even know they had music in Korea.
Eeho said he never saw Asian people on TV and this is the first time he's really seen it. He said the past year has been strange with Jeremy Lin and now Psy. Howard said Eeho looks kind of like Jeremy Lin so he should tell people that's who he is.
Howard asked Eeho if he's looked down on for not being that smart. Eeho said he thinks he's pretty smart. Eeho said his parents didn't force him into anything since they're pretty Americanized. Howard said that Eeho speaks very well and he speaks better than guys like Sal. Howard asked if he dates white chicks. Eeho said he's dating everything. Howard asked if his parents are bigoted. Eeho said he dated a black girl once and that was kind of weird with the parents. Howard said the blacks hate Koreans. Howard said it's the funniest thing.
Gary said that's the whole scene in ''Do the Right Thing.'' Howard asked Eeho if his parents owned stores. Eeho said his dad is a lawyer. He said he moved there when he was 9. Howard asked him to say the weather is pretty nice in Korean. Eeho said he was nervous. He had to think about it for a second. Eeho did it and Howard said that's like having super powers to him. Howard had him say ''Hey baby suck my big cock'' in Korean. Eeho tried it and said he thinks that's what it is. He said his vocabulary is at a third grade level since he moved there so young.
Howard talked to Eeho about the infrastructure and how Koreans have put their money into theirs. Howard said that we have to stop giving money to other countries. Eeho said that Korea gets protection from America. He said that they have a pretty decent infrastructure though.
Howard asked Eeho how old he is. He said he's 22. Howard said he didn't have a black chick until he was in his 40s. Howard said back in his day you didn't have a black chick until you're in your 40s. Howard asked Eeho if he's been with white women. He said he has. Howard said he thinks that he's out of things to talk to him about. Eeho said he told Benjy not to bring him in there. Howard asked how his internship has been going. Eeho said it's good. He said he wants to be a writer or something like that. Howard asked what he writes. Eeho said he'd like to write for TV or movies. He said he has written some stuff for class and for himself. Howard told Eeho to tell people he's a writer with more power. He said he has to say ''I'm a writer. Fuck you.''
Howard said he had no idea they had a Korean guy working there. He played more of Gangnam Style. Howard said that the number 1 song is Maroon 5. He said that's been there for a few weeks now. Howard said they are there and they are live and with you. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that tomorrow night they have Jon Leiberman covering the election on Howard 101. Robin asked if they're really doing that. Howard said he hopes that this will be a funny show and he'll have some funny correspondents.
Howard said he is once again in the pages of MAD magazine. Howard said that they have a big cartoon of him as the judge of America's Got Talent. Howard said it's a hideous image of him but it's very funny and he loves that they put him in there. Howard said his Adam's apple looks like a penis. Howard said he loves it. Howard said he has to get a hold of that art work. He told Gary to buy it and present it to him as a gift.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims to work for LIPA. The guy, Lloyd, said that hey are doing everything possible. Howard said he needs his parents power on before noon today. Howard said he doesn't want to sit through his parents complaining about lunch. Howard asked Lloyd if he can get his parent's power back on. The guy said he can but he's going to push it back an extra week. Howard asked who the head of LIPA is. The guy said it was Baba Booey. Howard said he wasn't serious.
Tim Sabean came in to explain the news special with Jon Leiberman. Tim said he'll be hosting the special with guests like High Pitch Eric and some political experts. He said they'll have Jason and Scott DePace and others on the show. He said that the show will be on 7-9pm tomorrow night. Jon said they will be on top of this and they'll do it like they did the storm special. He said it'll be funny with real information. He said it'll be exciting.
Howard said Jon Leiberman was undecided. Howard asked Jon if he really can't decide. Jon said he's a reporter so he will never reveal who he would vote for but he is on the fence. Howard sounded shocked by that. Howard asked if he wants a woman to have her right to have an abortion. Jon said he doesn't reveal that information since he's a reporter. Howard asked if he really thinks he's a reporter. Jon said that the undecided people are the ones who are on the fence about the fiscal issues. He said it might not be the social issues.
Howard talked to Jon about the infrastructure thing he has been talking about all morning. Jon said he agrees with Howard about that. Howard said this is a pretty simple thing. He said if you're for women's rights then you vote for Obama. Jon said he's not going to tell Howard who he's going to vote for. Jon said he's definitely going to vote via email. He said you can do that if you've been displaced in New Jersey. Jon said he's a resident there so he will vote that way.
Howard said he heard that Tim is voting for Romney. He wondered why he would do that. Howard said he's never seen a country so split. He said that's why nothing gets done. He said they're too busy being republican or democrat.
Howard asked if she can still sing. Robin said she would imagine that she can. Howard said he likes how skinny she is. Howard said that they could have her come out in a bikini and show off those bones. Howard said she's no King of All Media but who is?
Howard said that the MAD magazine thing is funny. He was reading through the cartoon and what they wrote about the differences were now that he was a host. He was liking what he was reading.
Howard said he thinks that he can work with any of those broads. He said if they don't show up on time then he might have to just go on with production anyway. Howard said he thinks that LeAnn would be alright to work with. Robin said she's pretty nutty. Robin said that Twitter made her crazy and she had to drop off of it. Howard wondered how she handles Facebook.
Howard said whenever he sees a name that they're looking for he gets depressed. He said that he might have to ask NBC to let him audition the other judges. Howard said that Carly might be too nice to say anything negative. Howard said that he might be able to make LeAnn cry. He said he thinks that she might be the one. Howard said she's always on the beach in a bikini. Howard said he went to dinner with the guy who she's with now. Howard said his ex-wife is on Real Housewives. Howard said they were out with a few other people. Howard said Beth's model friend knew this guy somehow. He just went out because Beth had her model friends going out to eat.
Howard asked if LeAnn Rimes had any other hits. Gary said she had another hit that was in the movie ''Con Air.'' Howard wondered how they came up with the list of people on TMZ. Gary said that someone said there was no way Shannen would do it because she's doing all of these bad commercials but that's how they get people. He said Paula Abdul wasn't doing anything before she got American Idol.
Howard said he thinks that LeAnn Rimes would do it. Gary said there's some kind of lawsuit going on with her and she's battling some teacher online and they have to go to court over it. Howard said she sounds like she'd be a good judge. Howard wondered what she'd wear. Gary said she's insanely skinny. He said she's too skinny. Howard said he likes that. Gary said he doesn't like that. Howard said he likes that Auschwitz look. Gary said she has that weird neck thing too. He said it looks like you could play the Xylophone on her neck. Gary said he has to be careful what he says just in case she starts working with Howard.
Howard read more about the judges and how he and Howie aren't re-signed yet. Howard said that they could have a total revamp. Howard said that no offers have been made yet according to the article. Howard said if they want him to do it then why don't they float some ideas by him? Howard said he might have some ideas for them. He said that it might make him feel like committing.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked what the fuck is going on and why they don't have his mom saying ''I want my power!'' like Wendy the Retard. Howard said maybe when Fred leaves the show Jeff can come in and replace him.
Brian Phelan came in and tried to fix a monitor that wasn't working. Howard told him to do it during the break.
Robin read about a nanny who was charged with killing some children she was caring for. Robin said the woman had money problems and the family asked her to clean up and they'd give her more. She ended up cracking and allegedly killed the kids. Robin said she has been charged after trying to kill herself. Howard said we have a huge problem with mental illness and it's hard to tell when someone has problems like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's had his father talking politics yet. Howard said he knows where he's at so he could get him on the phone. Howard said he should have his mother on to complain about Long Island Power. He said she gets very upset. Howard said that she doesn't understand it. Howard said she thinks it's terrible and horrible.
Robin read a story about the number of people who were without power after hurricane Sandy. Robin said they're trying to restore power to people now. Robin said that temperatures are plugging and in New York City they have to find shelter for about 40,000 people.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden again. Tommy said that he's voting for Romney and he can't push people to vote for Obama. He said that he fell in love with Romney when he called into the show. He said he also considered Roseanne and Vermin Supreme. Howard didn't know who that was. Tommy told him to look it up. Howard said that he can't pick up on Tommy anymore. He said he has no idea what the guy is talking about. Howard told Gary not to pick up on him anymore. Robin explained what Tommy was referring to and Howard just said ''What a dick...'' He did another live commercial and then a break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came right back and said he and Gary were talking about this guy Gary Johnson who was governor of New Mexico and reduced their deficit to zero. Howard said the guy is for the legalization of marijuana. Howard said he's for creating competing currency. Gary said Benjy was saying that there is a state that does that. Benjy said that he's not sure how that would work. Gary said it sounds like mass confusion to him. He said he's not sure how it would work. Howard said he doesn't get it either.
Howard asked Robin what the notion of competing currency is. Gary said he'll go learn about it. Howard said he as killing time until Robin got there. Howard said a lot of people are asking him about the marathon being canceled. Howard said he believes that Mayor Bloomberg wants to be mayor and he's doing a good job. Howard said people are second guessing everything after it was canceled. Robin said she heard a woman screaming about how she was supposed to get her kids to 4 different schools. She said that the woman should be happy that they got the schools open. Howard said it's good that they canceled the marathon. He said people are suffering and you don't need people running through the neighborhoods where those people are suffering. Howard said that the marathon is a good tradition but they should have canceled it earlier. Howard said that there were a lot of people who spent thousands of dollars to get there and they lost out. Robin said you can't throw people out of hotel rooms though.
Benjy said they should have used it to raise money for the relief efforts. Robin said you can't just change it like that at the last minute.
Howard said Jon Leiberman knows Gary Johnson personally but he doesn't think he cares. Jon came in and told Howard that he was working for a station in New Mexico and Gary wanted to legalize all drugs there. He said his station sent him to Amsterdam to find out what it was like. He said that Amsterdam was a very peaceful place back then. He said it was in 1997 or so. Howard said he doesn't know about this competing currency thing but the drug thing he does know. Howard said he would legalize every drug in the country. Jon said Gary Johnson had a lot of interesting ideas. Howard said we'd be fine if we legalized drugs. Howard said he doesn't use them and he wouldn't touch them but we should legalize them.
Gary said he did some research on the currency thing. He said that our currency used to be backed by gold but it's not anymore. He said if someone did that with a currency that was backed by something then we'd have a competing currency.
Gary said that the republicans hate Gary Johnson because he's taking votes from them. Jon said the guy would run in marathons and he would hike and he was a man of the people. He said he was very popular in New Mexico. Howard said he read he wants to lower the drinking age to 18. Jon said they had drive through liquor stores at the time and it was legal to buy a open glass of beer at the window. He said they were very hands off there.
Robin got back to her news and read about a serious Nor'Easter that's heading to the East Coast. Robin said that it could cause some serious problems in the area that was hit by the hurricane last week. Howard said he can't believe this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there was an earthquake in New Jersey this morning. The guy said it hit North Jersey around 1:19am. The guy said he's in Brick, New Jersey near the disaster zone. Howard hung up on him and said he really didn't care. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about the benefit concert that ran over the weekend. Robin said that politicians are upset that the Red Cross isn't getting items to the victims of the hurricane faster. Howard said he'd like to know where all of the money goes. Robin said there is a mayor's fund too so Howard may want to look that one up.
Robin said that New Jersey will be able to vote. Robin said that they're aware of the big storm that's on the way but they will have trucks available for people to vote in. Robin had some audio of Chris Christie talking about that.
Robin said that the candidates were out campaigning in the last hours of the election. Robin had some audio of President Obama and Mitt Romney talking to people around the country.
Robin read about how the campaign ads are very popular and the TV stations are getting a lot of money for those. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the amount of money coming in from those ads. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the ballot measures that people will be seeing around the country. Robin read about what some of those were. She had a few about marijuana related measures. Howard said that whole thing is funny because people know that it's all for fun but if you say it's for medical purposes then they will vote for it. He said you can get medical marijuana if you say you can't sleep.
Howard asked Scott DePace if he is for the legalization of pot. Scott said he's really not. He said that he thinks it's a bad idea. He said that he doesn't want a bunch of stoners driving around. Howard said they're already doing it. Scott said he might be open to pot but not to every drug being legalized. Howard asked if he believes in global warming. Scott said that he doesn't know if it's man made global warming. Howard said that most scientists believe that it is man made. Scott and Howard argued about that for a few seconds. Howard asked about the foreign aid. Scott said he's all for that. He said you don't want to just spend money on pet projects like Obama did. He said that green energy bullshit isn't right. He said that the free market should be allowed to determine what they want.
Howard asked Scott about the bail out of Detroit and if he thinks that it was good. Scott had a long answer so Howard cut him off and said that he doesn't want to hear it. Scott said that it could have been a good thing if they had let them go bankrupt.
Howard said he had to get out of that. He cut Scott off and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about how the economy is doing. Robin said it is picking up and no matter who wins the election, that person is going to get credit for improving it.
Robin read about what Saturday Night Live was doing over the weekend. She had some clips from the show where Fred Armisen was doing his Mayor Bloomberg impression. Robin told Howard about some other things that they did on the show this week.
Robin read about a child that fell off a wooden railing into an exhibit at a zoo and got mauled. Robin said that the kid was 2 years old. Robin said they had to shoot one of the dogs in the exhibit. Robin said the dogs are called Wild Painted African Dogs. Howard thought that she meant they were painted somehow. Howard said he's not sure why they would have a dog exhibit. Robin said it was in Pittsburgh. Howard said it sounds like a shitty zoo based on the dog thing.
Robin read about a plane crash that hit a car in Texas. Robin said that this plane hit the roof of their vehicle as they were driving along. Robin said the pilot wasn't hurt and the people in the car had minor injuries.
Howard said that he would like to have a zoo exhibit with various races on display for future generations to see. Howard said he could work on that with Yoko Ono.
Robin read about some Hollywood items that are up on auction. Robin read about some of those items and who they came from.
Robin read about John Cusack working on a movie about Rush Limbaugh. Robin said that it has been confirmed. Robin said that John is going to play Rush Limbaugh in the movie. Howard asked if it's true that Betty Thomas is going to be directing. Fred said that's what he read. Howard said he heard that Betty has a Kidd Chris movie slated for 2057 too. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:05am.
Scott DePace came in and said that the way things are being handled isn't good. He said that he partly blames Christie about the gas thing. He said he's waiting in line for gas. He said he had to wait 3 hours the other day. He said he's not even counting the time it takes to find gas. Scott said if the gas isn't able to come from the refinery then they should bring in a tanker. He said that they should bring gas in from Pennsylvania. Scott said they should have generators at the gas stations if they don't have power.
Jon said he saw hundreds of cars waiting for gas at stations that didn't even have gas. He said he never thought they'd see anything like this. Scott said they should be bringing gas in from other states and just getting it there.
Jon asked Scott if Howard has ever swayed his vote. Scott said he hasn't. He said that he has swayed a lot of the guys there. He said all of Howard's followers are like that. He said that he and Tim are the ones with similar views and he's not sure why that is. Jon said he struggled with his decision for this election. He said he likes things about both guys but he's going to vote for Obama. Scott asked him ''Really?'' Jon said that they might be getting too deep into this and they should let Jon Leiberman handle that tomorrow night. Jon said he doesn't care who Howard votes for. Scott laughed like he was making that up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're right about this being social vs. fiscal. He said he sees Howard voting for Obama because he doesn't care about his taxes. Jon said he doesn't think that's what it is. The caller said it won't put Howard in the poor house if he has more taxes. He said the problem he has is the ordinary man. He said that they take taxes for useless spending. Jon cut him off saying he didn't want to turn this into a political discourse.
Jon said that he'll be voting and so will Scott. Jon asked Scott who he thinks won't vote. Scott said Phelan and JD probably won't vote. Scott said JD will tell you he did but he won't go at all. He said Richard Christy may not go. He said Sal probably won't either. Scott said he thinks that Ronnie might do it but if there's more than a 5 minute wait he won't wait.
Jon said that his daughter turns voting age next month and she's just missing out on this. Jon said he makes a big deal out of this for his family. He said he really was on the fence about who he was voting for just a few weeks ago. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said that his son knew that everyone was very tense when they went out to get gas. He said that tensions are very high.
Jon said that Howard is trying to get his parents into a condo or something and his parents don't want to go. He said it's not an easy conversation to have.
Gary said that he got his internet back last night and he was struggling to get it so he could get work done. He said you try to do the right thing for your parents but they take it the wrong way.
Jon said you know Howard loves his parents but he's getting irritated by them because he has to treat them like kids now.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he didn't hear any mention of Howard's house in the Hamptons and if it had any damage. Gary said he thinks it was fairly minimal. The caller asked why they don't put in a whole house generator at his parent's house. Gary said he can't get his dad to use a TiVo. Scott said Howard said they don't have natural gas there and he didn't say why he didn't want to do the propane thing. Gary said he has one underground at his house. Scott said he has a portable generator but finding gas is a pain in the ass. Gary said the whole thing felt like a Twilight Zone episode when he went out for gas.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it took them 3 weeks to get power back after Katrina. He wished them luck up there and then said some line he claimed was from Emily Stern's new album. Gary said he wishes he knew what that guy was talking about.
Gary said that he thinks that they were very aware of what was going on with Katrina and people don't think they were and these people are tweeting out about how elitist they are up there.
Gary said that he's had relatives stay over and you let out a sigh of relief when they finally leave. He said you love them but you're glad when they leave. Scott said he has an in-law come over when his wife leaves and the person is there to help out. He said it gets very hard. He said he keeps escaping and leaving. He said he has to go to the store and things.
Gary said that Stuttering John's mother in law caught him jerking off while she was staying with him. Scott said he'd have to leave his wife if that happened so he would never see that person again.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that most felons can vote but not if the felony was with a gun or something. He said you can't be on parole or anything either.
Jon asked Gary who he thinks won't vote tomorrow. Gary said Sal and Scott Salem might not vote. DePace said that Scott is a lib so he will vote. He said he doesn't think that JD will. Gary said he would wait on line for 2 hours to vote because that's what you're supposed to do. They went to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that they're blaming the government for the gas shortage but who is to say that it's not the gas lines. Scott said there is gas in Delaware and Pennsylvania. The caller said that they don't service their area though. Scott and Gary said that they should be getting it up there. The caller said it's not the President's fault.
Jon asked if Christie praising Obama hurt Scott. Scott said that he isn't sure that Obama did a good job but Christie said that he is so he'll go along with that. He said he still doesn't think that FEMA is doing a good job though.
Scott said that he's not sure why Staten Island still doesn't have bottled water. Gary said that he's pretty sure that New Jersey is going to vote democratic and he thinks that Christie isn't hurting Romney in any way. Gary said that it must be hard for Scott to swallow that Christie said he's doing a good job. Gary and Scott argued for a few seconds before Jon took over and changed the subject.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who he can donate to other than the Red Cross. Gary said he really doesn't know about that. Jon said that you do think about where that money is going. He said that he's thought about that in the past.
Gary said that they donated some clothing to some people in Breezy Point so he knows where that's going. Scott said that if you ask a charity to tell you where the money is going they have to tell you.
Jon and Steve both have type 1 diabetes and they like to donate to that kind of charity but they want to make sure the money goes to Type 1 research. They spent a minute talking about that.
Jon suggested that the caller go look online for a charity that he can donate to that tells you where the money is going.
Gary said he tweeted out that he was waiting on a gas line and people complained that he was saying ''on line'' instead if ''in line.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was sorry to hear about the tragedy but they were complaining about the gas lines. He said they should have been prepared for that. Gary said that they're not used to storms like this because they rarely get storms that will knock out power like this.
Jon said there are people who are topping off their tanks and they don't really need it. Gary said that Richie Wilson saw people going up with a 5 gallon tank and walking to the back of the line to sell it for 4 times as much.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there's noting wrong with selling gas like that. He said that's the American way. He said that this storm was publicized for weeks ahead of time. He said he's not sure why the government has to get involved at all. He said they should have been prepared.
Gary said he was prepared for the storm as well as he could be. He said that the forecast could have been wrong and you never know how it's going to happen. Jon said that they hit this one on the head. He said they get them wrong often but this one they were right on.
Scott said that they should be able to fill up a truck and bring the gas from Delaware or Pennsylvania to New Jersey. Gary said he has lines near his house but he heard that 30 miles from his house there are no lines. He said he saw taxi cabs that were coming up to his area to get gas.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the gas trucks can't just bring gas from other states to New Jersey. He said they have contracts for that gas. Jon asked what they're saying about getting better or worse. The caller said he hasn't worked since last Saturday. He just went back yesterday. Gary said he heard that some gas supply was released this weekend. Scott asked what took so long. Gary said he has no idea. He said he's no expert.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they do have trucks coming down from Boston coming to Long Island. Gary asked why it's taking so long to get to Long Island from Boston. He said that they should have had gas within a short time. The caller said he can't answer that. The caller said they have weight restrictions and things like that holding them back. Jon said it is a time of emergency so you'd think they'd take those limits down.
Scott said he heard that Christie signed a law that would allow trucks from out of state to come into New Jersey. He said that he doesn't know why they had that to begin with. The guys wrapped up talking about how they think the election will go. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how they have Sour Shoes sitting in as the house band today. He said Scott told him he has like 4 switches to hit for him. He said he wanted to mix him so he comes through on one thing. Howard said Scott will spring into action tomorrow. Robin said that Scott was talking about how his lights were back on and he was so mellow about it.
Howard said he almost needs a team in there for Sour Shoes. He said hi to him and Sour was doing his baby voice. He said hello to Fred and then started doing his Gary impression. Howard tested out the microphones to find out what microphones were doing what. Howard said he thinks he knows what everything is doing. Howard said you'd think Scott would know it was going to be confusing to him. Howard asked Scott if he knew it would be confusing. Scott said he just got in there and he didn't know how many he was going to use. Howard asked why they didn't use just two. Scott said he wanted an extra one for the drums he has in there. Howard said he doesn't think he needs that one. He had Sour play some drums without a microphone on them. Howard went through that and had Sour try it without the microphone. It was fine without that one. Howard tried the other microphones to figure that out too.
Howard asked if Sour could stick to one keyboard. Sour said he could. Then a crash happened. Scott had tripped over the whole set up and knocked it over. Scott said he just touched the bass drum and the cymbals fell off. He said they weren't attached. Howard asked if he was injured and had to go home for a few days. Scott said he's fine.
Howard asked Sour if he can play just the one keyboard. Sour said he was good with that one. Howard had Sour play his guitar. That was being picked up by the keyboard in the back. Howard had Sour play but it wasn't picking it up. Howard asked Sour to just stick to the keyboard and that's it.
Howard asked Sour to play something as the house band. Sour started playing and sang a song to Howard. Sour was doing a song from 1966 by Question Mark and the Mysterians. Howard told him to get to the good part. Sour did some more of that song singing in a really goofy voice. Howard sang along to the song.
Howard said that was very nice and thanked Sour for playing. Sour said he can be quicker not thinking about the other instruments. Howard told him to try not to kick the drum set. Howard asked what he had in his bag. He had Saltines. Fred said it's the noisiest snack he could bring. Howard said what's great about him is that his parents are moving to another state while he's out. Howard asked Sour if that's his breakfast. Sour was eating them and saying it was his breakfast. He wasn't able to speak with the crackers in his mouth.
JD came in and said that he's voting and he voted last time too. Howard said at least he's exercising something on that body. Howard said they should cover that with Howard 100 News. JD said he's not sure that would be very interesting. JD said he's going to go vote and then come back for the big election coverage tonight. Howard said they have a special on tonight from 7-9pm on Howard 101.
DePace called bullshit on JD and asked where he's going to vote. JD said he goes to a Jewish school to vote. DePace said that he still doesn't believe it and he thinks if the line is too long JD won't vote.
Howard said some guys came out to try and help his parents out but they still don't have power. Howard said his sister is never leaving his house either. He said she's having a good time there.
Howard got back to DePace and his predictions. Scott said he didn't think Richard Christy would be voting. Howard said he said Sal too and he knows Sal doesn't vote. Robin said Sal made a big stink last time and then didn't vote. Scott said he thinks that Ronnie might vote but if he sees more than a 5 minute wait he won't vote.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie does pretty much what he does and he started voting after working for him for a while. Howard said he knew Ronnie would end up getting divorced too. He said that he emulates him on some stuff like that. Howard said he thinks Ronnie would vote but years ago he wouldn't have voted. Howard asked how accurate he is on that. Ronnie came in and said that Howard is right. He said that he will be voting but he didn't vote in the past.
Ronnie told Howard he'll vote after the gasoline lines tonight. He said that he went past 10 stations today and only 2 of them were open. He said he paid $4.49 yesterday for gas. Gary said he saw gas over $5 on his way into work. Robin said that they should be turning those people in for price gouging. Howard told Gary to get on that.
Ronnie said they're doing gas rationing in New Jersey and it's working. He said the lines aren't so bad there now. Howard said it's such bullshit that they don't have gas. He said they're getting power now and they should be getting fuel. Howard said he's not sure what the hang up is. Ronnie said they say things are getting better but it's getting worse if you ask him.
Howard said Sour almost has a job so they trust him with the car. Sour said that the car is a Geo Prizm. Howard asked if he votes. Sour said that he does with his parents. Howard asked how old he is. Sour said he's 33. Robin said he shouldn't be voting. Sour said he was thinking the same thing.
Sour did his Gary impression and also said that he's thinking that Governor Christie could run in 4 years. Howard said he didn't want to get into a political discussion with him. Howard asked if he feels bad for living at home with his parents. Sour said sometimes he does. He said he does have a job. Howard said he works at Roy Rogers and he got a promotion after appearing on the show. Sour said he was a grill station manager and he got promoted after he mentioned the store. He said they heard him on the show and they bumped him up to going behind the grill. He said he was just cleaning tables before that.
Sour said he got a raise as well as the job change. He said that sometimes he'll do talk ups on the drive up microphone. Howard said the boss moved him to the grill and then asked him to look over applications? Sour said they did. Howard said he's in charge of hiring. Sour said he got reprimanded for hiring this guy who made 9 trays of chicken and then just left. Howard said the guy made too many trays and he got blamed for it? Sour said he did. He said the guy just made a bunch of food and left. Sour was doing different voices throughout this discussion. He said that the other guy got demoted. He said that you can see the incident on MikeTrench.com
Howard said he used to go to Roy Rogers every day when he was younger. He said that he loved their food. Howard asked what he makes every week. Sour said he can make $150-200 a week. Sour said he works for Direct Care for Autism Speaks. He said that he goes to people's houses and takes them on walks. Howard said he's not sure he'd want Sour Shoes doing that for his kid. Howard asked what that pays. He said he makes $12 an hour on that one for 15 hours a week. He said that's about $179 a week. Sour said that he has a job at a toy store too. He said that's $8 an hour. Howard said he's a hard working dude. Robin said she's shocked that he's working so much. Sour said he's pulling down a little more than $350 a week. Howard said he could afford a car. Sour said he just maintains the cars they have. He said he does work around the house to pay his rent.
Howard had Sour do some songs for them since he is the house band. Sour did some songs and talked them up as a goofy DJ. Howard threw out a couple of songs he wanted to hear and Sour went right into them. Howard cut him off after a short time. He said he had to take a break. Sour did his Gary impression and told a story about working at NBC and working in the hurricane and then coming in the week after and getting fired. Howard said those were the days when Gary was dependable. Sour stuck to his Gary impression and said ''fuck you'' and threw in a few more lines. Howard said he had to take a break. Then they're going to talk to Mitt Romney.
Howard asked Mitt if he thinks he's going to win. Mitt said that his wife is warming up her jaw now for that after election blow job. Howard said that some people are joking that they're going to sell magic underwear in the White House gift shop. Mitt said they take that too seriously to do that.
Mitt told a knock-knock joke about Obama and saying he forgot who he was already. Howard asked Mitt about what he's going to do on the first day he's President if he wins. Mitt said they have a lot of things lined up. He said he's going to get all American's back to work and he's going to bring back slavery if that doesn't work. He said that would be millions of jobs right away. He said he's going to build a new wing on the White House for all of his new wives. Mitt said he's going to reinstate polygamy. Mitt said he has other wives other than Ann. He said he has the ones who give birth to all of his sons.
Howard said the name Tag is a weird name. Mitt said that he says it's a family name but he named it after that thing in his magic underwear that drives him crazy. Sour blurted out something and Howard told him to calm down. Howard said Sour still lives with his parents and he's 33 years old. Mitt said he should borrow money from his parents and go to college.
Howard asked Mitt about what his day includes. Mitt said that he knows he's told some lies during the campaign but if he's elected he's going to start telling the truth. Howard said he's going to have power over the CIA and the military. Mitt said he's going to call on the FBI to find out if John Travolta is gay and if he is, have him thrown in jail.
Howard said Mitt seems like a delightful guy. Mitt said he appreciates that. Howard asked if he cares about black people at all. Mitt said that people have a perception of him for being cold and out of touch but he's a loving, caring family man so he's afraid of black people just like everyone else. Mitt said he knows there is a cure out there for black people and he's sure they will find it. Howard asked wrapped up with Mitt a short time later. Mitt told them to have a nice summer.
Howard said he hopes he's able to find work doing another voice after the election is over if Mitt doesn't win.
Howard mentioned the big election special they have tonight on Howard 101 with Jon Leiberman and all of their correspondents.
Howard said he went out and got an iPad Mini. He said he was really digging it. He said then he realized it was only Wi-Fi. He said he wasn't able to get on Twitter or anything. He said that he returned it and then found out that they're bringing out the connected one in a couple of weeks. Howard said he's not sure who is always in Wi-Fi. Robin said that doesn't make sense. She asked if he likes the iPad Mini more than the regular one. Howard said he odes. He said he's not sure what he's going to do but he knows he needs this one. Howard said he likes that it's lighter and more portable.
Robin said she has a need for an iPad but not a huge need. Howard said he watches TV on his so he needs one. Howard said he likes watching The Munsters on it.
Howard said he watched an episode called Low Cal Herman when he goes on a diet. He described the episode and Herman ends up passing out after hearing about how he's going to miss Thanksgiving dinner. He said Paul Lynde comes in as the doctor and he can't tell that Herman is a monster. He said Paul Lynde puts his heart thing up to Herman's chest and he doesn't hear a heart beat. He said Paul Lynde ends up running out when he figures out he's alive and you hear a car peeling out. Howard said he liked watching that on his iPad Mini.
Sour said that Steve Langford sounds like Herman. Howard said he thinks Sour is off his game today. Howard said this might be his last appearance. Howard said he has to chill out. Fred played Taps and Howard said it might be the end for him.
Howard said that he's usually a home run when he does his Ferrall or Mad Dog impressions. Howard asked what's wrong with him today. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said he's extra creepy today. He said Ronnie is in there watching him today.
Howard said that Herman Cain (impersonator) left a message for them. He played the clip where Herman was talking about Robin and how fine she is. He was doing that ''Ophelia'' line that he's known for saying on the show. Howard said he's on fire with Robin.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who said she can't vote because she has to register with an address and she can't bring it up on her computer. Howard said she shouldn't vote. Howard said she's mentally ill and he's not sure she's capable of voting. Debbie was calm but then started yelling when Robin said something to her. Howard said that they should cover her voting with Howard 100 News. Debbie said she's not even sure where to vote in her town.
Howard said he has an idea. Howard said Brian Phelan isn't going to vote so maybe he should vote for her. Howard asked Brian if he'd be up for that. Brian said that would be fine with him. He said he'll go vote for her. Debbie said she wants Romney to win. Brian said he'll go vote for him today. Debbie said that she hates that Obama. She was in the middle of a sentence when her phone cut off.
Howard said that Sour is going to vote with his parents. He must go into the booth with them. Sour said that they are doing it with paper now so that's kind of confusing. Howard cut him off again saying that he's annoying him today.
Howard said that Tony Daniels wrote ''Gangbang Style'' to the tune of ''Gangnam Style.'' Howard played that one too. Howard played another Little Mikey song parody ''Tits are Beautiful'' to the tune of Christina Aguilera's ''You're Beautiful.'' Howard said he can't do this all day but he played a couple.
Howard said they're still working on the Howard Stern musical. He said they have about 38 songs already. He said they've been playing bits and pieces of it as they've been going along. Howard said this new one is the part in the show where Shuli and DePace are on stage. He said you've seen Tim take a big shit and sing a song about that. Then Shuli invited DePace to the Ronnie's Block Party. DePace talked during the show so there's a big nightclub setting and the two of them get into a fight and sing to each other as they fight. The song is called ''You Douche.'' He played that song and Shuli was singing about DePace calling him a douche. Then DePace comes in and sings ''Fuck you'' and tells him to drop dead. The two of them do a duet with each other.
Howard said next up they have Jason and Jon Hein singing with JD. He said it's all of the fat guys on the show. Howard said all they do is order fast food back there in the office. He played the song where Jon, Jason and JD were all talking about how fat they are. Then they break into song and sing about fast food. They were all singing about what they like and don't like. Robin said this play is all over the place. She said they need someone to come in and craft this thing. Howard asked why they would do that.
Howard asked Sour to play them out to commercial. Sour sang as the Chorizo guy about Robin's big jugs. Howard asked where Ferrall was. Sour broke into that voice and sang to Robin. Robin said he's very low energy today. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the Baba Booey song parody. Howard said that some people know Baba Booey as Wawa Hohi. Howard had Sour sing along to the parody too. The song was to the tune of a Led Zeppelin song and Sour got into it with Howard for a couple of seconds.
Howard said Sour is the house band today. Robin asked what's up with the wig he has on. Howard said he's wearing a blonde wig. Sour said he was David Bowie. Sour broke into song and sang some Bowie stuff. Howard asked what year that song was from Sour said it was from 1974 he thinks.
Howard said last time Sour was there Lisa G touched his back and he came in his pants. Howard asked her to come in. Howard said he shot her book cover and he'd probably blow a load to those pictures. Howard asked Lisa how she's doing. Lisa said she's good. Sour said she's crept into his dreams a couple of times.
Howard said Sour hasn't had sex with a girl and he doesn't jerk off. Howard asked why he doesn't do that. Sour said he has wet dreams and he realizes that when he gets up in the morning. He said that happens about 4 times a year. Howard said that's quarterly.
Howard asked if he's ejaculated since Lisa G touched him. Sour said he tries to get her to show up in his dreams by listening to the show as he's going to sleep. He said he hasn't come since then.
Lisa said she heard that he got laminates. Sour said that he got them cleaned at the dentist but no laminates. Howard said he's not a bad looking guy. He said he must be retarded or something.
Gary said that he Howard TV guys were saying that he has something covering his teeth that he takes out. Sour said maybe it was the cracker. He said he doesn't take his teeth out.
Howard said since Lisa touched him and he ejaculated they have another girl coming in to touch him. Sour said it was more her breathing on him that did it. Howard said they have Alexis Ford (@AlexisFord) coming in to touch him. Sour broke into his Gary impression and said that he isn't sure if he'll cum. He said he won't complain if he does though.
Howard had Alexis come in. Howard said she was wearing a nurse's outfit. Howard asked what the thinking was with that. Alexis said that she heard that when he got an examination he came in his pants so they're going to reenact that. Howard asked Sour if he was in his underwear for that. Sour said he was in his jeans but she unbuttoned his pants. He said he has a fibroma that she was checking at the time. He said she went through that exam and checked everywhere.
Howard said Alexis is going to recreate that and see if she can get him to blow a load. Alexis said she wants him to blow a load. Howard asked if he blew a load already. Sour said no. Howard said Alexis is beautiful and she's in a nurse outfit. He said she has her legs spread open and she smells good too.
Howard had Sour tell his story about what happened that day at the doctor's office. Howard found out he had his shirt off but then Sour said he had it on. Howard told him to take it off anyway. Howard asked Alexis if he's gross to her. Alexis asked if that's his hair. Howard said that's a wig.
Howard had Alexis go over to Sour and had Sour tell the story of what happened. Sour said he was asked to get on the examination table. He said he got up on that and had his feet hanging off. Howard said they don't have that table there. Howard asked if he pulled down his pants. Sour said she was examining him starting up at his shoulders. Then she went down like this. He showed what she did to him. Sour showed where the fibroma was at. Howard asked if he had a boner already. Sour said he does a little bit.
Howard asked Alexis if he was getting big. She said no. Howard asked Alexis to touch his shoulders and examine him like she's checking his body. Sour said that the nurse got close to his ears next. Alexis touched him up there and got close. Howard asked if he's aroused. Then he saw that he was. He didn't have to answer. Howard had Alexis check his back. Alexis did that and checked his neck. She was checking for the fibroma. Howard had her check his legs next. Alexis did that too. Sour showed he didn't have underwear on. Howard had Alexis check his legs. She did that and didn't find any fibromas or whatever.
Howard said it seems like Lisa G had more of an affect on him. Howard asked what happened there. Sour said that she didn't get him off yet. Howard said they've run out of time. Howard said this isn't a sex shop. Howard asked if it's more exciting with Lisa. Sour said that seeing her that day was exciting for him. Howard said Alexis is just about naked for him though. He said that was a disappointment.
Howard asked Alexis what happened. She said she doesn't know. Howard asked how her career is going. Alexis said it's going well. She said she just did a Dark Side with Jules Jordan (JulesJordan.com)
Howard said he heard that DJ Whoo Kid was in there recently and he said that he was banging her. Alexis said that she's banging him now actually. She said she's going out with him later today. Howard said he's a married guy though. Alexis said that she's not in love with him but he has a big dick. Howard asked how big it is. She said she's not sure how it fit in her ass it's so big. Howard said they have to get that guy back on the show. Howard said he'd love to see them interacting.
Howard asked if she's his girlfriend. She said she goes around the country to see him. She said that he's really good in bed. Howard said there has to be some emotional component to it. Alexis said she likes to have sex and she likes to have it with him. Howard said she's almost like a guy in that way. She said that guys do fall in love with her. She said she does have feelings for him but she doesn't want to get hurt. She said she has been hurt before. She said she might as well use them and just fuck them.
Howard asked how long this has been going on. Alexis said that there was a sexual tension back when she was with her ex. She said that she's been fucking Whoo for about a year now. Howard asked if other penises are boring after that one. She said that he has a big cock and a big load so yeah. She said that he helps her prepare for her movies. She said when she has to take Lexington Steel up her as he prepares her. She said that they're about the same size. She said it's like 12 inches and he's thick too.
Howard asked Alexis how she hooked up with him the first time. She said that she was on his radio show on her birthday and then she told him that she was going to find him in the club in Vegas and fuck him. She said she did that and told Whoo that she was going go fuck him that night. She said that's what happened.
Howard asked what goes through her mind when she sees that big cock. Robin said when you do see a big one you go Whoa! Robin said she's never had one that big. Alexis said that it's hard to take at first. She said that she will blow the guy first. Howard said she sounds like a great girl.
Alexis told Howard that Whoo never uses a rubber with her. She said the load usually ends up inside her. She said that she doesn't worry about it when he cums in her. Howard said he thinks she wants his baby. She said she really doesn't. Howard asked if he blows it outside of her. She said that he will blow it on her face if she asks him to. She said she loves that.
Alexis said she loves to have sex for hours but Whoo tells her he's not a porn star. She said she likes him to put it in her ass and then put it in her mouth. Howard said that's pretty wild. Howard asked if she is so relaxed back there that it just goes right in. She said that she has to use lube or alcohol will make it go in easier. She said if she's drunk it seems to go in easier. Howard said there must be a little doody in there when he does her in the ass. She said there might be some in there if he goes in deep. Howard asked if she keeps quiet about it if there is. She said that she will just wipe it off his dick. She said she keeps baby wipes on hand. Howard asked what she does if there's a lot of doody. Alexis said if she has shit in her ass she can't take a dick in her ass. She said that if she doesn't prepare for anal then nothing comes out. She said that's what she's found.
Howard said he's done anal a few times in his life and he's hit some doody. Howard said things will poke back at you there. Howard said he will do it if he's in there. Howard said he's only like 6 inches so she might not even feel him. Alexis said he would feel like a finger. Howard said she'd probably stop him and tell him to stop fingering her. Alexis said that her ass goes back to normal but if she was fucking every night then she might not feel 6 inches.
Howard said he's sure she wouldn't even feel him back there. Alexis said that's why she sticks with black guys. Howard said he's guessing that she's voting for Obama. She said she is. Alexis said that Romney wants to get rid of porn or something. Howard asked if she's actually going to vote today. She said that she is registered republican but she doesn't agree with what Romney has to say.
Howard asked Alexis if her family still doesn't like that she's dating black guys. She said they're not happy with a lot of what she does. Howard asked if they'd be unhappy with her doing the stuff to Sour Shoes. She said she has done some public stuff with guys but she's not sure if she could do that with DJ Whoo. She said his dick is just too big. She said missionary and doggy are their two favorite positions. Howard asked if he does her vagina and then does her ass. She said that she tells him to go back into her pussy too. Howard said he thought that was dangerous. Robin said that's not the most hygienic thing. Howard asked if she worries about getting an infection. Alexis said she drinks a lot of cranberry juice. She said that helps.
Howard asked about bringing girls in the bedroom with Whoo. She said that she's had a few. Howard asked how she meets the girls. Alexis said that she has had other porn chicks ask to fuck him. She said that she's not sure if she can say her name. She said the other girl disappeared and didn't end up doing it. She said that it is on the schedule of things to do. She said she has had other girls that she's picked up at clubs. Howard asked if she just starts kissing the girls. She said she will do that and whip out her titties. Alexis said that some girls are taken back by the black guys but some of them want her so she helps them deal with it.
Howard asked Alexis about how long Whoo can last. She said he's pretty good. Howard said he finishes in like 2 strokes. Alexis said that Whoo can go for a decent amount of time but he can't do it all day long. Howard asked if she ever goes out and fucks another guy after he fucks her. She said yes to that. Alexis said that she feels very sexual and she has this sexual appetite and it might be from being in the business. Alexis said she has guys all over the country and she's done 5 guys in one day before. Howard asked if she's picky about the guys she's with. She said she fucked a guy in a closet in a cabana in Vegas and she ended up doing his friend and then fucked a porn star. She said that it was the most she's ever fucked in one day. Howard asked if she ever takes a day off from fucking. Alexis said she has but she still masturbates. She said that she does that about 3 times a day. Howard said she's a busy girl.
Howard asked if she's shaved or does she have hair down there. She said she has some hair down there right now but she likes to mix it up.
Howard asked Alexis about why she likes to keep Whoo's load in her. She said she likes that power and keeping it in there to let it drip on out into her panties as the day goes on. She said she'll text the guy and let him know what it's doing that later in the day. Howard said she's really into the guys and that's hot. Howard asked Robin if she's ever done anything like that. Robin said he hasn't texted a guy about their load dripping out.
Howard asked how she holds a load in. She said that if it's in her ass it won't come out until she shits or enemas it out. She said it'll be wrapped around the shit. Robin said she thinks she's done. She sounded grossed out. Alexis said that it'll be a shit with a ribbon of cum around it. Howard said maybe she should take pictures of it. Alexis said she might do that.
Howard asked Alexis if she has an iPhone. She said she has that and a Blackberry. She said she has one as a ''ho phone'' for those people she's not sure she wants to talk to.
Howard asked Alexis if Whoo Kid has her ho phone number. She said that he has both. Howard asked her about holding the load in her and found out she'll pee it out in the morning if she keeps it in overnight. Howard said that some women have to get it out of them immediately. Howard said that she loves it. Howard said she loves cum.
Alexis said she asked him to cum on her belly last time so she could see what the load looked like. She said it's usually inside of her. She said she ended up licking it off of herself. She said it tasted like coconuts. Howard said that it must have impressed her.
Howard said Alexis will be signing copies of her DVD ''Dark Side'' at the Exxxotica Expo(ExxxoticaExpo.com) in Edison, New Jersey this weekend. Howard asked if the guys can pose with pictures with her. She said that she will do that. She said that they can grab her tits or ass and she'll grab their cocks.
Alexis told Howard that she didn't start in porn until she was 20. She said she went to nursing school. She said that her mom wondered why she did this for a living and she told her that she is making a good living doing it. Howard asked if any family comes on to her because she's in porn. Alexis said she gets some Facebook requests from her cousins. She said that's kind of awkward. Howard said they probably shouldn't be doing that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she's ever had double anal and how many cocks she's had in her mouth at once. She said she tried 3 but only 2 fit. She said that she has never done double anal or double vag. She said she has done double penetration but not two in one. She said that was intense when she did the double penetration. She said she liked it but she'd rather just have one of the other. The caller asked how many guys she's done at once. She said that was 5. She said she did a blow bang and did it in her personal life too. Howard asked how she rounded up 5 guys. Alexis said most of them were Hispanic and it was when she was younger. She said she was 15 at the time. Howard asked if she ever got in trouble at school. She said she was a slut on the down low. She said she would hang out with the older boys outside the school.
The caller asked if she's ever banged her teachers. She said she hasn't. Howard said they must have all been gay. She said if she was black and playing basketball then maybe the teachers would have hit on her.
Alexis said that one of her doctors became kind of psycho. She said that she was a little fucked up and went to the doctor and he got kind of crazy. She said that he was checking her out for an examination. She said that he had to give her an anal swipe with his finger. He didn't wear a glove. She said that he kept contacting her for months after that.
Howard asked when she started touching herself. Alexis said that she was about 12. She said that she had the 5 guys at 15 and she had them over to her parent's house. She said they didn't know why they were coming over though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it's true that black guys don't go down on women. Alexis said she doesn't mind if they don't go down on her. She said she'd rather please the guy. She said that Whoo Kid will go down on her. She said that she would rather just throw him down and fuck. Alexis said some guys like to please a woman but sometimes she just wonders when they're going to fuck her already. She said she cums easier from penetration and clitoral play. Howard said her breast is popping out of her shirt. Alexis just laughed it off.
Howard had Sour Shoes perform a song for her. Sour did a couple of songs for her and mashed up a couple of songs. He did a Lita Ford song and then did a Billy Joel song.
Howard asked Alexis what her favorite song is. She said she likes rap songs. Howard asked Sour if he does any rap. Sour said he can. He said he can do Rihanna too. He ended up doing a Rihanna song and Alexis sang along with him. Howard said she's not that bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Alexis if she ever gets the urge to fart and serve it up to her nose as fast as she can. Alexis said that she has smelled her farts before. Howard asked if she likes it. She said it's funny if you're in a car and you fart. She said that she'll lock the windows. The caller said he's 38 and he loves to fart and bring it up to his nose and smell it. He said he just loves the smell. Alexis asked if he just lets them blast or let them out silently. Alexis said that the ones you let blast don't smell as the silent ones.
Howard asked if she's going to go vote today. Alexis said she is and she might wear that outfit she has on. Alexis told Howard she's getting bigger boobs next month too. Howard said they look great as they are. Howard said she shouldn't go bigger. He told her that she's making a mistake. He told her to leave them the way they are. Howard said they end up looking like fake pontoons. Alexis said she has a date to get them done already. She said she wants to be a full DD and she's only a D right now. Howard said he didn't think they'd look good bigger. She said they'll be fine.
Howard had Sour play them out to commercial. Sour took a request from Alexis. She asked for a Lady Gaga song. Sour sang ''Edge of Glory'' for her. He sang Christina Aguilera's ''Beautiful'' for her too. Howard said Alexis is crying. She ended up singing along with Sour and laughed as that was going on. She wasn't crying.
Sour did a Macy Gray song next. He sang as Macy and then changed to Scott Ferrall. Howard cut him off and thanked him.
Howard said he has the doctor who was stalking her on the line. He picked up on him and it was a guy doing a bad accent and telling lame jokes about the cum on her doody. Howard hung right up on him.
Howard said that he's not sure why Sour didn't cum with her. He said that Lisa G did it for him but not Alexis. Sour pointed out that he did blow a load. He said that when she got sexual he came. Howard said he has a stain in his pants. Howard had him stand up and show Alexis. She said she likes that and he had better walk around with that stain all day. Robin said he has no choice.
Sour did his Gary impression and said that he thinks she looks like Michelle Olsen. Howard said her name is Ashley Olsen. Howard wrapped up and thanked Alexis for coming in. He gave her some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard came back and said they're going to hear from Mitt Romney again this morning. Howard asked if Robin was there. She wasn't so they figured she was in the bathroom. Howard had Sour Shoes do some more songs. He did a Joe Walsh song and did a Joe Walsh impression for that. He did a Stuttering John impression too and Howard didn't think it was one of his better impressions.
Howard asked Benjy if he liked Alexis Ford. Benjy said he has a girlfriend. Howard said he must like her attitude. Benjy wasn't answering so Howard gave up. He said he doesn't know why he starts conversations with him.
Howard said that Marlee Matlin is upset with Saturday Night Live for making fun of Mayor Bloomberg and his sign language person. Howard said the reason they were doing that is because the interpreter is overly animated when she does her thing.
Howard said that Mitt Romney should be calling in soon. Gary said he's on the line now. Howard said he didn't see that. Gary said he's been up for a while now. Howard said he wasn't seeing that.
Howard picked up on ''Mitt'' again and talked to him about the polls. Mitt said he knows he's going to win. He said the anticipation is killing him. He said he hasn't been this excited since the end of America's Got Talent.
Howard asked why it's important to vote for him. Mitt said that they're going to outsource everything for this country to China so they have a six foot Chinaman ready to take Howard's place. Howard said he read that Mitt's son is over in Russia trying to get business. Mitt had an explanation for that.
Howard asked Mitt who is voting for him. Wendy the Retard is one. Debbie the Pet Lady also mentioned that she wants to vote for him. Mitt said that Meat Loaf is another one who wants to vote for him. Howard asked Mitt if he has anything to add to this. Mitt said that he knows how to spell Benghazi. He said he will also give Barney Frank a hand job on stage if he wins.
Mitt said he thought Howard was a homosexual. Howard said he is not. Mitt said he has to know these things. Howard asked if he has anything to add for those people who are still undecided. Mitt said that he likes to use an excited voice when he's talking about random shit. He demonstrated that for Howard. He said it's all in the way things are said.
Howard asked Mitt about his wife having Multiple Sclerosis. Mitt said she does and he didn't dump her ass like people thought he would. Howard thanked Mitt for calling in and giving them his time. Howard said he's going to be voting for Obama but he still thanks him for calling in. Mitt asked when they're going to have George Takei back in. He said he can't believe that he sucks cock.
Sour wanted to sing a song for Mitt. He started to sing ''Mr. Crowley'' as ''Mr. Romney'' but he didn't have nay lyrics other than ''Mr. Romney... What went wrong with your head.'' Howard said it would be nice if he had something to sing. Howard wrapped up with Mitt and let him go a short time later.
Howard had another song where the whole staff sings ''We Don't Need Tim in Our Bathroom'' about Tim Sabean to the tune of Pink Floyd's ''Another Brick in the Wall.''
Howard said that JD is in a few songs. He said he's in almost every part of the play. Howard said he has a part where he yells at JD about not being able to speak properly. Howard played that song where JD sings about being a mush mouth. Howard asked Robin what she thinks about that. Robin said JD needs to work on his performance.
Howard said he has a phony phone call to play. Richard and Sal called Swap Shop radio and Sal is selling a generator that runs on human urine and feces. Howard said the hosts don't even pay attention to what people are saying. In the call Sal tells them about this generator he has and how it's run by human feces and urine. The host says ''Okay...'' and lets him go on and on about this generator. The host said it sounds like something people can really use.
Howard said he's surprised the host didn't buy the generator. Howard played more of the clip and Richard calls in and asked how much feces and urine it would take to run a whole house. He said they'd have to have the whole neighborhood pooping in the generator. Richard said he thinks that the guy was trying to make the host sound like an idiot. Richard then said he has some rags to sell and maybe he can use them to wipe his ass after he shits in the generator. Sal calls back and goofs on the host saying he must have shit for brains. The host said next time that guy calls they'll share his number with everyone.
Howard said those guys don't really listen to what anyone has to say. Howard did his impression of the host and goofed on him for a short time.
Howard played a new Tony Daniels song parody about Robin. He said he thinks he's had enough of that after a short time.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about this week's The Walking Dead. Robin gave a spoiler about someone who died in this week's episode. Howard said that he's learned his lesson about that and he doesn't give spoilers.
Howard said that his parents are still without power. He said that a couple of guys were helping out talking to Gary about the reason that they're still out. Howard said that he just gave up. He said whenever their power goes on then it goes on. Howard said they have another storm coming in anyway so they might as well stay there. Howard said that his mother calls him a jerk for mentioning that. Howard said Eli Braden wrote a song about that whole thing. Howard played that song and Eli sings about seeing the lights go out at Ben and Ray's house. He had some clips of Howard in the song doing the voices of his parents.
Howard said that was a tribute to his endless routine from yesterday. Sour Shoes asked if they have their baby back. Howard said he's just like Sour Shoes living with his parents. Howard asked Sour if he ever wants to live on his own. Sour said he looks at it like he's hoping he's not a huge burden on them. He said his parents are incredible. Howard asked if they're creeped out by him. Sour said he's not sure. Howard asked if he breaks into voices. Sour said he got into the bed with his parents. Howard said he's like an infant. Sour said he will talk in that baby voice he does. Howard said he doesn't know how anyone has a kid. They could end up being like Sour.
Howard asked Sour why he doesn't go full retard. He said that would probably be fine. Howard asked him to do a little number for them. Sour broke into song and then broke into his Gary voice and talked like him for a short time.
Howard read about some people who have donated to the relief efforts in New York and New Jersey. Howard said that Sirius XM donated a boombox and a photo session in the photo booth out in the lobby.
Howard said that a man lost his leg after a giant Jesus crucifix fell on him while he was cleaning it. Howard wondered if he's going to convert to another religion after that.
Howard said today is a big day because it's Rebecca Romijn's birthday. Howard said she's 39 and still very fuckable. Howard said the big day is her birthday and not election day.
Howard said he is voting for Obama but if anyone else can get his parents back into their house he'll vote for them. Howard said this election is going to be a tight one. He said he loves watching all of the news channels trying to call it. He said he wonders what they're going to do when the election is over. Robin said that they're going to bash or praise the person who wins.
Howard said that he just read that Dax Sheppard and Kristin Bell are going to have a kid. Howard said that means they'll never be back to his house. He said that's basically what that announcement means because he doesn't want any babies at his house.
Howard said that he saw a homeless guy on the corner shitting and puking. He said the normalcy of the city is returning. Howard said there wasn't vomit and shit on the street for a few days.
Howard said he didn't know what this Wreck It Ralph thing was. Howard said he saw a clip of the movie and Sarah Silverman is a voice in the movie. He said he saw a clip of her doing the voice and she's very good. Robin said she hates all of those animated movies.
Howard said Sour reminded him that he's back at home with his parents. He said it's very tough to live with your parents. Robin said it's different when they're in your house compared to Sour being in his parent's house. Howard said it still reminds him of those days when he was living at home with them.
Howard said he was thinking how great it would be to have someone interpreting for JD in the studio. He said he had a tweet from JD about having a party with Steve Brandano and it was so poorly written. Howard read the tweet and JD came in and said that it was a joke. He wrote that he and Steve were going to have a party in their room and it was like ''party in me and Steve b hotel room'' or something like that. Howard said it's not ''in me and...'' Howard asked JD if he got any responses to that. JD said sadly he didn't.
Howard told JD that it's almost like he doesn't know the language. JD said he doesn't have proper grammar all the time. Howard said that he has to get that interpreter up there.
Howard said he's having fun with his parents at his house. He said last night he beat off in their bed just for old time's sake. Howard said last night his dad was asking him questions about the United Nations. Sour did an impression of Howard when he was a kid talking to his dad. Howard asked Sour if he has any rules in his parent's house. Sour said he's always home so he doesn't have a curfew. Howard asked if he ever lived outside of their home. Sour said he went to school but that didn't count. He said he went to Pepperdine so he was out for that. Sour said that he went to St. Johns and then went to Pepperdine. Howard said now he's working at Roy Rogers. Sour told Howard what he studied at Pepperdine. He studied Liberal Arts there. He had already graduated at St. Johns. Howard sounded confused by all of this. Sour said he was trying to get a job in Human Services so that's why he was studying all of this. Howard asked how this prepares him for anything.
Sour said that he lived in a locker room at the college. He said he would go in around sunset and lock the door. He said no one would use it so he had most of his stuff in a locker room and he'd sleep in this other room. Sour said he told his parents he was fine and they had no idea he was doing that.
Howard asked Sour if he had any friends there. Sour said he did have a friend who had Muscular Dystrophy. Sour said he met John Cusack there and he was a big fan of the show. That was long before he was on the show. Sour said that he met David Duchovny there at Pepperdine. He said he met him in the bathroom. Sour said he met Dick Van Dyke too.
Howard asked Sour if he has autism. Sour said he might have it but he works for that place where they deal with autism. Sour said he's still paying off his loans. He only pays $100 a month. Howard said he should have that paid off by 2087. Robin said maybe by the time he dies it'll be paid off.
Howard had Sour play them out to commercial. Sour sang a song and they went to break a short time later.
Robin started off with a story about a mentally disabled pregnant woman who has the mental capacity of a 6 year old and her parents want her to carry to term. Robin said that she has a history of walking off and having sex. Sour laughed. Howard said Sour can't figure out why anyone would wander from home. Robin asked Howard what he thinks should be done. Howard said she should be in the house band with Sour Shoes.
Robin read about the Discovery channel doing a study about men and women faking it during sex. Robin read about some other studies they did about sex for this show. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said that he just got back from voting for Obama. He said he's only a few hundred followers from beating Jackie the Joke Man. He said you can follow him @CaptainJanks on Twitter. Howard let him go and had Gary come in with the game they have for Twitter followers. Gary came in and asked who has a better ranking, HowardStern.com or the Vatican's web site. Howard said he does. Gary said he's right. Then he had Jokeland or Riley Martin. Howard said he thinks that it's Jackie. Gary said it's actually Riley Martin. Then Gary asked about Eric the Midget or Debbie the Pet Lady. Howard guessed Eric. Gary said it's actually Debbie the Pet Lady. It turns out this was web site rankings and not twitter followers.
Gary asked about BabaBooey.com or JonHein.com. Howard said it must be Gary's site. Gary said it is. Howard said that Jon Hein is really JumpTheShark.com. Howard said that must beat Gary.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about election voting issues in the city. Sour Shoes ended up doing his Mad Dog Russo impression and Howard said that he just got back on the show thanks to that impression. Sour broke into his Ferrall impression and then got back to the Mad Dog impression. Howard had a conversation with him for a couple of minutes in those voices. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the Nor'easter that's heading up their way. Robin said it could mean more coastal flooding. Howard said we can't handle that. Robin said we're water logged already. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the storm surge and how bad that could be.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up an ad that they did with Mitt Romney and the Jews. Howard said he could play that. He asked Gary where that is. Fred found it and played it. In the clip Mitt is trying to let his Jewish friends know that he's the guy for them. The caller thanked Howard for playing that.
Howard asked where the Obama ads were at. Fred found one to play. It was Rachel Butera doing her Wanda Sykes impression and asking people to vote for Obama. He had another Mitt Romney ad with an Andrew Dice Clay impersonator telling people to vote for Romney. Howard had him play another one for Obama. He had another Rachel Butera impression where she did her Underdog Lady impression telling people to vote for Romney.
Robin read about the hurricane and how there are still people who are without power. Robin said that they're very upset with the power companies and their performance getting power back on. Robin had some audio of Governor Cuomo talking about that. Howard said he should hang someone publicly. He said that would make them super motivated to get the job done. Robin said that the whole subway system has been pumped of water and is back up and running. She said that they're getting the job done.
Sour broke into a couple of voices that sounded like Ferrall and Mad Dog fighting. Howard told Gary to break them up. Sour broke into his Gary voice and broke up the fight. Howard thanked him for that and then read a live commercial.
Robin read a story about how Puerto Rican's can't vote in the election. They will be voting on whether or not it could become the 51st state. Howard said that whole relationship confuses him. Robin asked if we should have a 51st state. Howard said it depends on if we have to bail them out. Robin said we already have been doing that. Howard said we need a state we don't need to support so much.
Robin read about a guy who has been trying to bring awareness to legalizing marijuana in Colorado by riding a horse around. Robin had some audio of that guy talking about what he's doing.
Robin read about the Romney kids and what they've been doing to help their father out with the campaign. Robin had some audio of Mitt's sons talking. Howard said it must be weird having a Mitt and a Matt in the house.
Robin read about the Bing search engine giving a spot for people to watch the election results. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin read about the 8 worst people you'll meet. It was a list from some web site. Howard read that list and they listed people you meet at the polling stations. They had the superfans and other types of people you'll see there.
Robin read about some good news about the hurricane. Jackie the Joke Man's jetty has been returned. Robin said that Jim (McClure) let her know about that. Robin said that it is beat up and tattered but Jackie has it back.
Robin read about how well the new iPad is selling. Robin said that they're just about sold out across the country. Howard said he returned his iPad Mini because it was only Wi-Fi. Howard said he wants the one that has constant service. Howard said he's so annoyed that he can't have one yet. It's not coming out for a couple of weeks. Sour Shoes did his Gary impression and talked to Howard about the iPad. He was talking Tech with Howard for a few seconds.
Robin read about a guy who donated a kidney to save his daughter. Howard interrupted and said he can't believe that Gary thought that the first iPad was a bit of a stumble for Apple. Gary said Howard thought the same thing. Howard said he did not. Gary said Howard said he didn't know what he would need that for. Gary said he had the same opinion. Howard said he never said it was a stumble. Howard said he may have said he didn't know what he would use it for but that's it. He said he didn't want to be pinned with the ''bit of a stumble'' comment.
Robin got back to the guy who gave a kidney to his daughter. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about kidney disease and how common it is.
Robin read about the kid who was mauled to death in a Pittsburgh zoo last week. Robin had some audio of a zoo official talking about how that exhibit is closed right now. Robin said the child was 2 years old and the dogs have been quarantined for 30 days. Robin said they were just acting like dogs. She said the child wasn't supposed to be able to get in there.
Robin read a story about a church elder who is accused of molesting a teenage boy. Robin had audio of someone talking about that. Howard wanted to act it out with Fred. They started to do that but it only lasted a couple of seconds. Howard said this is becoming an epidemic. He said you can't even be a kid anymore.
Robin read that Harrison Ford would be up for resurrecting his role as Han Solo in the Star Wars sequel that's due out in 2015. Howard said of course he wants to do that. Howard said no one wants to see that though.
Robin read about a pizza delivery boy who urinated on a woman's front door when he didn't get a tip.
Robin said that Kristen Stewart is out promoting her new Twilight movie. Howard said that she must be okay now. Robin said that Jay Leno isn't going to confront her on anything. Howard said jay is just great at asking the hard questions. They played some audio from the interview. Howard said he loves that they're getting to know Kristen Stewart. Howard did his impression of Jay interviewing Kristin about her contact lenses.
Sour, as Gary, told Howard that he once got into the Leno show and he hid under the desk on the set. He said that was a true story but Howard said he doesn't believe that. Sour swore that it was a true story. He said it happened in 2003. Howard asked how he snuck into a facility like that and didn't get caught. Sour said that security was busy doing something else. Howard said they should have him locked up. He had to read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the little boy on 60 Minutes who killed his neo-Nazi father. Robin said that trial is going on now. Robin said they say that the child is suffering from mental issues from years of abuse. Robin said that child services had been called to the house 23 times before he was 10 years old. They say the child killed his father because he just wanted everything to stop.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan going to court over a car crash that she claims she wasn't driving in. Witnesses say that she was behind the wheel.
Robin read about a measure in California that would force porn stars to wear a condom in porn scenes. Howard said he doesn't want to see that and he's not sure why. Howard said he even wears condoms. He said he doesn't understand why he doesn't want to see that. Robin said you want freedom in your porn. Robin said that they would force people to wear condoms in porn scenes. Robin said not wearing them has led to an epidemic in sexually transmitted diseases.
Robin read about Brad Pitt teaming up with a guy so they can create home furniture. Robin said that Brad has been drawing furniture for years and now he's going to put those doodles to work. Robin wrapped up and Howard started to end the show a short time later.
Howard asked Sour Shoes to play them out with a song. He started to do one but he didn't know the lyrics. Howard asked if there is any song he actually knows the words to. Sour asked for requests. Robin asked to hear Eleanor Rigby. Sour started to do it but Howard cut him off. Howard said he wanted him to sing a song he knows the lyrics to. Sour started another song and Howard sang along with him. Sour didn't know the lyrics to that one either. Howard cut him off again. Sour tried another song and Howard sang along again. Sour was throwing in a word here and there. Howard had Fred and Sour singing but then he cut them off asking if Sour had anything to plug. Sour kept singing. Howard asked if he had any plugs. Sour said he has SourShoes.biz. Howard finished up the show around 10:15am.
Gary said that he's not sure if they could have a guest in the studio with Sour being in there. Jon said he thinks that it's better when he's just sitting in.
Gary said he gives Sour headphones and a microphone and he has no ability to stay on the microphone. Jon said he really doesn't.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of the start of the show where Howard asked Sour if he could just sick to one keyboard and then Scott knocks over the drum kit.
Gary said that was almost as good as the time Tim stepped on Fred's guitar. Fred said nothing will ever rival that. Jon said that Sour got in a little late and he's wondering if there's a better way to prepare.
Gary said that he got frustrated with Scott because Sour was just in a month ago. He said he asked Scott what why today was different and Scott just said ''Because it is!'' Jon asked Scott why he didn't set up better this time. Scott said that he had more with him this time. He had an amp with him this time and not last time. Gary said they don't tell him to bring whatever he wants. Scott said he was told to just set up a keyboard for him so that's what they did.
Gary said Howard is fascinated with Sour Shoes and even just setting up. Jon asked Scott why he told Howard to use 4 different microphones at the start of the show. Scott said they had the board labeled with the keyboard and the vocal microphone. He said he wanted to add one more to fill in the rest. Gary said what Scott should have done was tell him to just do what he did last time. Scott said that's fine.
Jon asked Scott if he has something eating at him or was it just another day at the office. Scott said they had to prepare for 2 microphones and he decided at the last minute to add another. He said that the third one was over the keyboard. He said the other one was for the drums. Jon asked Scott how he felt about that when he knocked them over. Scott said he just knocked over the cymbals. He said he figured Howard was going to start ripping into him.
Jon said that one of the things about Scott's job is that when he's not noticed he's doing a great job. He said a lot of times the flag gets thrown on him. Scott said he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He just added one more microphone than the last time. Gary told him to find out what Sour Shoes is bringing next time and be prepared. Scott said he really doesn't need the drums or the guitar. Gary said that's part of his charm though.
Jon asked Scott if he will be voting today. Scott said he absolutely will. Gary asked if he's a typical lib. Scott said he is leaning liberal. He said he's voting for Obama. Gary asked if there is anyone who is voting Romney other than Scott DePace and Tim. Jon said he's not sure. He said yesterday they were wondering if people would be voting at all.
Scott said he voted at 18 right after they changed the voting age from 21 to 18. He said he takes it seriously because that's what his generation fought for. He said that the kids going to Vietnam weren't allowed to even vote. Scott said he was lucky he didn't get drafted. He said he was in the 250s.
Jon and Gary talked about the first elections they were able to vote in. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she wanted to say that she can give them 16 million reasons to vote for a change. She was going on about how Mitt Romney has a history of creating jobs. Gary said he's not going to cut her off but he can't turn this into a 2 minute commercial. Jon said they did have fake Mitt Romney on today. Gary said he's sure there are a few people out there who thought it was the real guy.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Scott DePace will be gloating if Romney is elected. Gary said he thinks that he may give people some time to give Romney a hard time before he gets angry.
Jon asked Ronnie where he was today. Ronnie said he was just relaxing out there. Jon asked him about why he started voting. Ronnie said Howard used to yell at him to go out and vote. He said that he made him feel guilty so he started voting. He said he will be voting for Obama because DePace doesn't like him. He said he was just kidding and said that he thinks Obama got a raw deal after Bush fucked everything up. He said that you can't fix everything in 4 years.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said that Ronnie sounds dopey but he's right. He said that Obama was handed a mess. He said Wanda Sykes has a great bit about how he even had to deal with pirates.
Ralph said that you have to tune out today if you hear Howard and Robin talking about The Walking Dead. He said dummy Robin gave out a major spoiler about this week's show. He said she's now banned from GEEKTIME.
Jon asked Ralph what he thinks about Howard's thoughts on the iPad Mini. Ralph said he thought it was funny. He said that he was the one who told him it didn't have 4G built into it. He said the Wi-Fi is useful if you keep it around the house.
Gary said he wasn't the only one who said that the iPad was a bit of a stumble for Apple. They had a guy on GEEKTIME who wrote an entire article about how awful the first iPad was and Ralph forgave him for that. Ralph said it's funny that Gary said it was a bit of a stumble. Ralph has that audio drop available to play at his house so he played it for Gary. Gary said he did that for Howard over and over again on the flight they were on together.
Gary asked Ralph why he gets an attitude about that. Ralph said Gary seems to be wrong about everything and that guy, Shelly, is only wrong about some. Gary said he's not wrong about everything. Ralph said he was just joking around.
Jon asked if Ralph is going to vote today. Ralph said he already did. Sour came in and did a voice. Ralph said that he actually does a great Obama. Sour Shoes tried doing that but it wasn't working out to well. Gary said that may have been a bit of a stumble. Ralph said he thinks that Sour's voice is shot today. Sour said it might be because he did his Ferrall today. They went to break a short time later.
Sal said that the tapes smell bad. He said they smell like that smell you get when you're a kid and you go to someone's house for the first time. Sal said he wants to boil his hands after touching them.
Jon asked Sal if he is going to vote this year. Sal said he is. He said he is voting for Romney. Jon asked why. Sal said Obama did a great job but he thinks that anyone who goes in there is going to do just fine and he wants to vote for someone they can have fun with. He said he wants to continue doing Romney bits on the show so he wants that guy in office. He said they could have a fucking field day. He said he wants to keep the fake Mitt Romney on the show and he wants to see Romney bits on SNL.
Gary said Sal just said that he's going with Romney for the sake of the show. Sal said that's right. He said no one goofs on Obama. Gary said they do Obama every week on Saturday Night Live.
Gary asked Sal to give him his best Obama joke. Sal said he doesn't have one. He said he knows that someone made a joke about him about being a monkey and there was an uproar. Sal asked why Gary can get called a monkey and no one says anything. Gary said he's pretty sure black people got that than white people did. Gary said he's still offended. Sal said that it works on both sides. Gary said he has no idea what he just said. Jon said he doesn't either.
Jon said that Sour does an impression of Gary and it's very close. Gary said he isn't too far off. He said that his regular voice is kind of high and it annoys him so he speaks lower and it comes out like Gary's voice.
Sal asked if something happened in Sour's life that makes him do those voices as a guise. Gary said he thinks that he's not dealing with who he really is and he's doing a Peter Pan kind of thing. He said that he has had regular conversations with him in the past.
Sal asked Sour what he thinks it is. Sour said it's become habitual now. He said he was possibly doing it when he was 12. He did it at Pepperdine when he was there.
Jon said he got off to a slow start today and he wondered if he felt off today. Sour said he was talking to Ronnie about it today and it might have been too normal. He said last time he was just kind of thrown in there.
Jon said that Sour had that Penthouse Pet coming at him but he said he would rather have Lisa G. Sour said it was one thing when he was up close but once he stepped away he got into her stories. Then he started picturing Lisa G being there and he was watching her. That's when he got excited.
Ronnie said this guy was in another world when he listened to those stories that Alexis was telling. He said that you could see it in his face that he was going to blow a load. Sour said that he was picturing what she was doing to him 5 minutes earlier.
Ronnie said that girl was a fun girl. He said he'd like to have her in bed for 5 minutes. He said she sounds cool to him. Jon asked what he was thinking about. Ronnie said he was almost in the same boat with Sour Shoes. He said that he was watching him and you can see it on his face like he's about to blow his load. Ronnie said they had a guy who used to jerk off in his desk and he would stare at girls' legs. He said that Sour had the same look on his face that the kid did back then.
Sour said that he liked when she was crossing her legs. Ronnie said he should have told her to do that then. He said that he could have asked her to do it easier and maybe he would have blown his load earlier. Sour said that it was hard for him to grasp at the moment.
Sal asked if he's going to think about that and jerk off at home. Sour said he's going to try and work that into a dream. He doesn't jerk off.
Jon asked Sour about why he's into Lisa G so much. He asked if it's because she's so conservative. Sour said that might be part of it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Sour is a big liar about his education. He said last time he claimed he didn't take the SATs and then he went to St. John's and Pepperdine. He said he changed his major about 6 times today too. Sour said he did kind of stumble today but he did take the PSATs. He said St. John's can accept you on that. Jon asked if he thinks this was his farewell as the house band. Sour said he thinks he can do it in small doses. Sal said he loves him on the show and he thought he was great. Jon said he thinks he's fantastic too. Sal thanked him for the cassettes and Jon ended the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how pleased he was with America last night. He said he thinks they voted the right way. Robin said it was almost 50/50. She said half the country didn't vote for the guy. Howard said he thought Romney was going to win for a while there. Robin said that the exit polling was saying that Obama had the right kind of coalition to gain the electoral vote. Howard said that he knew he lost around 8 something last night. He said Bill O'Reilly was making excuses for him already. Howard said he was done in by Governor Christie. Howard said if that's the reason then we have a dumb country. He said you should be able to make a decision based on your beliefs. Howard said O'Reilly already knew around that time. Howard said maybe they need to get hugged by Chris Christie. Howard said the picture of him being bipartisan is way more powerful than going around the country saying you are. Robin said that they were talking about the Sandy thing and that had a decent impact.
Howard said he thinks this proves that women are smarter than men. He said men get all macho. He said women went for Obama overwhelmingly. Howard said he isn't a democrat. He said he's an independent and he would vote for Christie if he was living in New Jersey. Howard said he voted for Pataki for two terms. He said he voted for Cuomo too. Howard said he voted for Senator Al D'Amato too. Howard said he really isn't a democrat. He said that you have to believe that the person can help the people. He said what's going on with the tea party is that the religious kooks go out and vote and they say some really dopey things. He said both of the guys who said that rape is god's will and things like that lost. Howard said that proves that women are smart. He said they won't stand for that.
Howard said women voted for Obama over the social issues. He said it's more than that but they did go for Obama. Howard said you have to put together a better coalition. Howard said he thinks that the republican convention is what did Romney in. Howard said they sat there and bashed the president and they came off like a bunch of angry dudes. Howard said they have to get away from the religious right. He said that he doesn't think Romney changed his mind on abortion. He said he does believe that he would have appointed people to the supreme court that would have changed that decision.
Howard said that Joe Biden is a very bright guy. Howard said he doesn't mind him being a heartbeat away from the presidency. Robin said even the catholic vote was for Obama. Robin said they were campaigning hard for Romney. Howard said the Catholics he knows aren't making a big deal out of the abortion thing. Howard said that it's weird to get advice from guys who are molesting young boys. He said that the Catholics he knows want them out of there. Howard said he should run for pope.
Howard said the funny thing was Linda McMahon. He said she wanted to be elected so bad and people just aren't going to go for that. Howard said that she's kind of like him and people don't want that in office. Howard said that she spent so much money on the campaign and now she's coming back home. Howard said Vince must be freaking out over that. He said that he gave her all of that money to spend and now she's heading home.
Howard said that the women he's worked with are very smart. He said that he worked with Robin, Betty Thomas and a bunch of other women at various places. He said they're so much more intelligent than dudes. Howard said they make very careful decisions. Howard said he decides in seconds while they'll think about things. Howard said that's why those rape guys lost. Howard said you can't make statements like that.
Howard said there still isn't a winner in Florida. Howard said you just can't get a winner out of there. Robin said she went after the show to vote and she stood in line for an hour. She said the polling place had people who had no idea what was going on.
Howard said last time around he voted at a high school in his district. Howard said you'd walk right in and vote. Now they have utter chaos. Howard said Beth went and waited in line for over an hour. Howard said she was freezing outside waiting. Howard said Beth isn't looking to dress for warmth because she's hot. Howard said he got on line and couldn't tell how long the line was. Howard said he was like ''Oh shit...'' He said he knew that nudnicks were going to drive him crazy if they saw him waiting. Howard said he doesn't mind some of that but there are dudes panhandling and things. He said he almost walked away but he feels so good after voting that he had to stick around.
Howard said he thinks about all of the guys who went to Vietnam and didn't get to vote. Howard said anyone who doesn't vote is a fucking moron to him. He said that's what keeps things in control somewhat. Howard said that something beautiful happens when you vote. Howard said he doesn't get anyone who doesn't vote. Howard said you're spitting on the graves of the people who died for this country. Howard said that's what this country is all about. Howard said some guy lost his life to protect your vote. Howard said ''shame on you'' if you don't vote.
Howard said that he ended up waiting on line for about 10-15 minutes. Howard said Ronnie was there to keep him company. Howard said one woman did get a hold of him and had a discussion with him about Roosevelt and the first girl he had sex with. Howard said he was happy to talk to her because there were 50 other human beings that scared the shit out of him there. Howard said some people just look like they shouldn't be allowed to vote.
Howard said he did his vote and he tried to scan the piece of paper. He said it wouldn't scan. Howard said he got it so wrong. Howard said he walked in and people get so excited. Howard said he didn't want any attention. He said he just wants to walk in get it done. Howard said he asked a cop where to go and he had no idea where to fill it out. Howard said they told him to go to a privacy booth. He said he had to go all the way to the back and he thought he was going to be cutting into a line. Howard said he did the vote and put check marks next to everyone he wanted to vote for. Howard said he voted for people he didn't have a clue about though. He said he voted based on what he had heard about a couple of people.
Howard said his ballot was rejected so he had a guy look at it. Howard said the guy told him he had to fill in the dots. Howard said he didn't know but he told the guy not to tell anyone because he's supposed to be smart. Howard said that he was actually just testing the machine. Robins said that they have a good voting system down in Brazil and it works better than anything we have here. Robin said every state has a different way of voting. Robin said that every time people just don't understand how it's done.
Howard said he watched a couple of channels last night. He said Rachel Maddow is really good. He said she's very smart. Howard said MSNBC is so liberal that they don't disguise it. Howard said FOX will disguise it a little bit. Robin said they were kind of fair last night. Howard said people were screaming and yelling on MSNBC and they weren't concealing it at all. Robin said the other place that went crazy was CNBC. Robin said they were making it clear they were not pro-Obama. Robin said they were screaming about how many mistakes Romney made and that's why he didn't get elected.
Howard said he went to bed around 9:15 and they were saying that this was going to go all night. By 9:45 they were calling the winner. Howard asked how they didn't know that they were going to call the winner. Gary said around 9:20 they called New Hampshire for Obama. Then they called Wisconsin for Obama and then showed a chart showing how many states Romney would have to get to win and it just wasn't going to happen. Robin said they knew that Obama already had those votes.
Howard said that it did seem like everything had to do with Ohio. Gary said that if you were in any of the swing states they were running a lot of commercials for the candidates.
Howard said if he were Romney he'd be cool with that. He said that the White House is probably a come down from where he lives now. Howard said it would have been kind of cool to be President but the guy has plenty of money and now he can go back to raping companies and ruining people's lives.
Eric said yesterday Gary made a severe mistake. He said that he supposedly has a 121 IQ but he's an idiot. He said that Debbie's twitter account does not have more followers than his. Robin said it was web sites, not Twitter accounts. Eric said he doesn't have a web site though. Gary said they didn't know that he's not on the JFSC. Eric said he said it months ago that they fired the guy. Howard thanked Eric for the call.
Eric asked them to play his TNA video. Howard said those videos are so bad. Eric said he's going to be fired if he doesn't pay attention to the video. Howard said Eric calls into the show because they know they talk about it there. Howard said that he's been ignoring it because they're so dull. Howard said he can't even make fun of the clips because they're so bad. Howard said Eric has the nerve to call in and say that he's going to be fired. Howard said he should be fired.
Eric said that they won't give money to North Shore if he doesn't play it. Howard said that's an empty threat. Howard asked how much money he's given to the North Shore. Eric said it was $50. Howard said he doesn't threaten little animals to get a tape played. Howard said he's not going to do that. Howard said that he'll just donate an extra 50 this Christmas. Eric said that TNA was going to give more than 50 dollars.
Howard asked if there is a clip he can play. JD told Howard that there is one funny one where a wrestler yells at Eric. Howard said he'll play that so he can get that donation. Howard said this show is so bad and it's about TNA wrestling. Howard said they hired Eric but they don't even show on him camera. Howard said it depresses people too much. Howard said no wrestler is going to yell at Eric if you see him. Howard said he would just melt if he had to look at Eric. Eric said they did have him on camera but they don't put him on. They can look at him. Howard said of course they don't put him on. He said it would depress the audience.
Howard and the guys were doing impressions of Eric and goofing on his delivery. Howard played the clip and Eric was talking to the hosts about his picks and what he got right and wrong. Eric said something about one of the wrestlers and then this guy Bobby Rude came in. Howard said they have to pretend that he's going to get angry at Eric and threaten him. Howard said that this is the hardest thing for Bobby Rude to do. Bobby comes in and asks why he doesn't show his face around him. Howard said that's because he's club fuckin' footed you asshole. Howard played more of Bobby Rude yelling at Eric. Howard said he probably left wrestling after this. He said this is probably the hardest acting he ever had to do.
In the clip Bobby was telling Eric that he's still standing and he's still there. He said he heard that Eric said he got his ass handed to him last week. Howard said Eric starts talking and Bobby Rude can't even hear him. Howard said the guy is arguing with a cripple. He said Eric is the size of a mushroom and the guy is arguing with him. Howard had Fred pretend to be Eric and reenacted the clip with him. Fred was making his ''Ehh... uh... ehh'' sounds as Eric.
Howard played more of the clip and Bobby is going off on Eric about being chicken shit. Howard said Eric should go down there and fight Bobby Rude. Howard said Bobby would say ''Oh my god, I'm going to hell...'' JD said he would buy that pay-per-view. Howard said the guy is challenging a guy in a wheelchair to a fight. He said Eric just stays quiet during the whole thing. Howard said Eric should be made a wrestler.
Eric said he has been thinking about not challenging him himself but he would like to have two guys he finds to challenge him. Howard said that's no good. He said he should have a wheelchair that has special weapons on it that he could use to fight the guy. Fred said it would be like a James Bond kind of wheelchair. Fred hummed the James Bond theme song as Eric and had Robin and Howard cracking up.
Howard said that whole premise is ridiculous. Robin asked why Eric took this job. Eric said he wanted to work with some of these guys and raise some money to go to the North Shore Animal League.
Howard played more of the audio of Bobby Rude going off on Eric. Bobby said he was going to take Eric out of that chair and punt him like a football. He told Eric to never get in his way and hope that he never comes there because he'll find him. Howard said this poor guy needs someone to argue with him. Eric said they edited his comebacks out of the show. He said he hit him with some good comebacks. Howard asked if he means that they edited out all of the excitement. JD said they'd rather hear long pauses than a response.
Howard said he really doesn't care about this. He asked Eric what his comeback was. Eric said Bobby calls himself ''The It Factor'' so he called him ''The Shit Factor.''
Eric said that he was hoping they'd play the clip of his exchange with ODB. Howard said that he's done with this. He doesn't want to play more of this stuff.
Howard said that the Cougar Town people have contacted Ronnie about doing his role on the show. Ronnie came in and said he's going out there on December 16th. He said he's going to have limo service and he'll be staying in a first class hotel shooting for 3 days. Eric said ''Okay...'' Howard asked if he knows his role yet. Ronnie said he doesn't know and doesn't care what they have him do. He's just happy he has a role. Howard said that Eric didn't want to take anything they threw at him. Howard let Eric go after that.
Ronnie said there were cars lining up this morning near him and he didn't know how long it was going to take to get it. He said that he had a full tank anyway.
Howard said this isn't like the gas shortage from years ago. He said that the whole thing is crazy. Ronnie said they have the National Guard protecting the tankers. He said he knew one guy who waited in line for 4 hours to top off his tank with 4 gallons. Howard said that's ridiculous.
Ronnie said that sometimes people wait in line for hours and then they shut off the tanks when they run out of fuel. He said that happened to Stephanie the other day. Howard said this is insane. He said it's nuts.
Howard said that they have another storm coming in today and no one knows what to do. He said it's a nightmare.
Howard said Ronnie is a better rapper than Leiberman. Howard said someone took Leiberman's rap and put it to music and made it better. He said that Jon Hein has Ronnie on his show every week to review Gossip Girl. He played some of that
Howard said that Psych took Leiberman's rap and put it to music. He played that quickly and it wasn't so bad. Howard said Leiberman needs that kind of producer.
Howard played Ronnie's Gossip Girl review and every other word was the F-word. Howard said he has to stop with that. Ronnie said they like it. He said Steve Brandano doesn't edit it. He just lets him do his thing. Howard said he should try to talk without using the F-word so much. Howard said it doesn't come off that well. Howard played more of the clip and Ronnie was cursing every other word. Howard said when Ronnie is in on the bit it's not good. He said he has to just be himself.
Howard said that Ronnie is like that Where's the Beef lady and they tried to take her out and do that all over the place. He said that it was funny in small doses. He said you wanted to hang her after a while.
Ronnie said that Jon Leiberman started a fan club on Twitter. Howard said Leiberman covered the election last night and it was very funny. Howard said High Pitch Eric was a corespondent and he asked one guy from Seattle ''In your state Seattle, who do you think won?'' Howard said Eric thought that Seattle was a state. Howard said Jon pointed out to Eric that it wasn't a state.
Howard played a clip of Leiberman talking to Big Foot who sounded like he was half asleep. Big Foot said he was half asleep. He told Leiberman that he's not going to vote for anyone. Leiberman told him about the results that were coming in. Big Foot didn't care. Howard said their slogan is ''Fair and Retarded.''
Howard played the clip of High Pitch Eric reporting back to Jon and said that he was sick. Jon asked him about what he was thinking about the results so far. Howard played another clip where Jon was talking to Eric and Eric asked another caller about who he thought would win ''the state of Seattle.'' Howard said this is the most retarded coverage. Jon repeated the question and the caller laughed about the question.
Howard said he had Wendy the Retard audio too. Howard said he missed this last night. He played the clip and Jon went to Wendy and asked her what's happening in Florida. Wendy said that they're all hoping for Romney to win. Jon asked if she voted. Wendy said she did and she voted for Romney. She said it was very crowded at the voting place. Wendy said she had to have her mom help her. Howard asked if that's allowed. Leiberman asked her some more questions and Howard said she was super retarded.
Howard played another clip where Ass Napkin Ed called in and said ''819'' and told Jon he's running for president in 2016. Howard said that's depressing. Howard got back to the Wendy the Retard clip and played more of her talking about why she likes Romney. Wendy said that she needs money so she's voting for him. Robin said he's not the right guy for her if that's why she voted for him.
Howard played another clip where Debbie the Pet Lady called in to talk to Jon Leiberman. She was saying that Romney was wining because there was more red showing on the map. She said she was watching channel 4 news. She explained the red and blue thing to Jon like he didn't know what she meant.
Howard said that was their election coverage. Howard said he thinks that their reporting showed that Romney won. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that Benjy went to vote yesterday. Howard said he was proud of him. Howard said Benjy tried to cut the line because it was too long. He said that he was telling people he had a way more important job than they do. Howard played some audio of Benjy trying to cut and explaining to people that he had a very important job. One guy said that they were already in line and he has to wait too. Benjy said that he works and this other guy doesn't work. Benjy asked people how much money they made in the years that they worked. They told him that it didn't matter. Howard said they must have seen right through him.
Howard asked if he actually got to cut. Benjy said he did. He said that the guy in charge just let him cut. He said he may have been afraid of a riot breaking out.
Robin said she waited in line for an hour and then they brought over two elderly women in walkers to cut the line. Robin said that she didn't want to say no to these hobbled old women.
Howard played more of Benjy trying to cut in line. They were telling him that they had been waiting two hours and they weren't going to let him cut. Howard said they actually did put him in the front of the line. Robin asked how long it took to get up there. Benjy said it took about 5 minutes.
Howard said Benjy helped a black lady out and then he brought her up to tell people how helpful he was. Howard said it turns out she wasn't black. She was Hispanic. Howard played some audio of that. Benjy was having the woman tell people how he helped her out. The woman was telling these people that he was very helpful and he doesn't care what color they are.
Howard said he liked that. He said Benjy was showing black people that he is helpful to anyone. Howard told Gary to line him up six very dark skinned people that he can try to pick out the black people from.
Howard said Donald Trump was very upset too. He was Tweeting about how we can't let this happen. He said that the nation is totally divided. Trump said that the election was a total sham and we are not a democracy. Howard said he's not sure why he thinks it's a sham. Robin said when things don't go his way then it's a sham.
Gary asked if he wanted to call Victoria Jackson and talk to her. Howard said he guesses he could do that if she's into it.
Howard asked what happened to Jillian Barberie. He asked if she got fired from that morning show. Robin said they talked about it. She said she was supposed to be on. Howard said she's gone now. JD came in and confirmed that she's gone. He said he thinks they just hired a new girl. He said that they must think that someone else is hotter. Howard asked JD if he thinks that she wasn't hot enough anymore. JD said that's his hypothesis. He said she is doing a movie now though. Howard said it must be a shitty movie. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard said he read about how they wanted to bring back Lisa Left Eye Lopez for the band TLC in hologram form to bring her out on tour. Howard wondered who even remembers that group. He said that hey might have to create an audience with a hologram.
Howard asked Scott DePace if he told his kids that Romney lost and now they won't be getting gifts for Christmas. Scott said that it's a sad day. Scott told Howard that he should open up his wallet because he's going to be paying. Howard said Scott's attitude is piss poor. He said he should have an open mind. Howard said he hasn't seen Scott suffer that much. He said he hasn't seen his taxes go up. Scott said the law has passed and this year it will start.
Howard said that there is some other news too. He said that Robin reported that there are a lot of women who fake orgasms. Robin said that men always think they're doing the job. Howard said that's very nice of them. He said that's less work for him. Howard said he feels like a stud when Beth has an orgasm.
Mitt said he's going to hire an army to take over this country. Robin said half the country voted for him. Mitt said it's not enough. Mitt said that he's going to go to the mountains and fuck the first animal he sees that looks like Ann. Howard asked why he doesn't just fuck Ann. Mitt said he's tired of it. He said he hopes someone punches Katy Perry in those big tits of her's.
Howard said Mitt will do just fine. Mitt said ''Fuck America!'' Howard and Robin got a laugh out of that. Howard said that might be it for him. He said his career might be over. Mitt said he'll run for President of Mexico. He said he could buy those votes cheap as Chicklets. Howard asked if he did all the right things. Mitt said that he should have won. He said he pretended to like the Jews and pretended to like the middle class. He said he really should have won.
Howard said he feels for Mitt. Mitt said that America is a bunch of cock wagons. Howard wasn't sure what that meant. Robin said she thought he never cursed. Mitt said that it's time to let it all hang out. He was cursing and saying ''fuck church too.'' Howard said he knows that he's upset with him for voting Obama. Robin said that it was New Jersey that really let him down. Mitt said they got what was coming to them. Mitt said he was robbed by a black man. He said he's blaming the black people for this. He said he's blaming the Hispanics too.
Howard said he's not going to pick on him when he's down. He said he tried to make a point and it didn't work out. Howard said he has his homes and money and his white skin. He said he's all set. Mitt said ''Fuck America and fuck everyone in it.'' He told everyone to have a great summer too. Robin said it's coming up to winter. Howard said he's inconsolable.
Howard said somewhere there is a comedian upset because he could have had 4 years of work. Howard said there was this guy Vaughn Meader who had an album he was doing with JFK and then the guy gets shot and that was the end of that. He said that's what this was like. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was a beautiful song. He had a couple of women in the studio so he asked if they knew it. They didn't know the song. Howard sang to them and they laughed. Howard said that he wrote it. One of the girls said she can sing too. Howard said he wrote it about 10 years ago and the song never really caught on. Howard had Fred replay the song and told them that he was the one who wrote it. He said that he doesn't get why it never caught on. The girls liked the song and said they were trying to understand what it as about. Howard said he figured that women would like it. Howard asked if the girls got the meaning. One said she did but the other said she didn't get it.
The girl who didn't get it thought that it was about hitchhiking across the country. Howard said that it was like a CIA thing because he sings about a bow tie having a camera in it. Howard said the song never went anywhere. He said he was told that it was too wordy. He said that guy Psy told him that he had to keep it simple like Gangnam Style. One of the girls said that he tried to find out what Gangnam Style was about and it didn't make any sense at all.
Howard said he took this song to a record company and they told him to sing it in Korean and people would like it because of Gangnam Style. Howard said he thought this part was good in the song. He said he has the guitar and organ going. The girls said it was relaxing. They said it would be good while you're smoking weed.
Howard said he wishes that they worked at a record company. The girls said they would back the song. Howard mentioned that one of the girls liked the song but one of them didn't say anything. Her name was Torrey. Howard said he had Rikki there too. Howard said Rikki's top has opened and she had a nip slip. She said that happens a lot. She said it happens in Starbucks all the time because she has to reach up to get her coffee.
Howard asked Rikki what kind of movies she does. She said she does everything but anal and interracial. She told Howard that she likes to keep it real and not do anything that she doesn't do in her private life. Howard said that she does porn 3-4 days a week. She said she did it 6 days last week. Howard asked if she has to rest her vagine. She said she does. She said she's glad she's there resting it this week. Howard asked if she likes the hard core stuff.
Rikki told Howard that she got involved with porn through Facebook. She said that they contacted her... Howard said if he was Zuckerberg he'd contact her too. Rikki said that it was actually a modeling company that saw her on there. She said that she had just graduated high school and she said no. She said that she went to school for Dental Assisting. Howard said that he can't imagine her as a dental assistant. She told Howard that she was working in a child's orthodontist's office. She said she went to nursing school and that was taking forever. She said that those people messaged her gain and she said yes. She said she was with them for 2 weeks and she did a boy-girl scene. Howard said it's weird that she went from nursing to porn. She said she always did want to do something like that. Rikki said she was a cheerleader. She said she dated most of the football team. Howard asked if she orgasms in the movies. She said that she does. She has a spot that you can hit on her clit that makes her cum. Howard said that he could hit that. He said he could barely hit it but he could hit it.
Howard asked Rikki if she's ever been fisted. Rikki said she has not been fisted. She said she has taken some big dicks that are probably the size of a fist. Howard asked her if she would do anal for a kid who is dying of cancer. She said if that was his last wish then she would. Howard said she's a sweet woman.
Howard moved on to Jayden Lee. He said that they're actually there to play the game ''Dumber Than a Box of Rocks'' today. Howard had Fred play the theme song they had for the game. Howard asked Jayden if she's worked with Rikki or Torrey. She said she has not. She said she would love to work with them though. Howard said that whoever wins the game today will win $5,000. Rikki said that she would love to work with her too. She said she rarely does girl/girl but she would like to try it. Howard had them kiss to see how it goes. They kissed and Howard said he thinks they have chemistry. Howard said that was instant. Robin said it does seem to be working. Howard said he has pictures of all three of them on HowardStern.com
Howard asked Jayden how ling she's been in porn. She said she's been in it about a year. Howard named some of her movies and she was in one called Gape Gang. She said that's when you have your ass gaping open and you see what can fit in there. Robin asked what she's gotten in there. Jayden said that she has had a fist in there. Howard said Robin is uptight about that. Jayden said the feeling is more about what she can fit in there. She said she gets excited that she gets things in there. Howard asked why men enjoy seeing her gaping asshole. She said that it must be a fetish thing. She said she doesn't get it but she does it anyway. Robin asked how she learned to gape her ass. She said she just did it over time. Howard asked if her ass is big. She said she can barely fit a finger in her ass. She said that it stretches out to get really big though.
Howard said Jayden doesn't do interracial porn. She said that she doesn't do that or double penetration. She said that she does do white guys though. She said she's saving some of that stuff for later in her career.
Howard asked Jayden how she got into porn. She said that she got into it through ModelMayhem.com. Howard asked if she has ever had doody come out. She said that did happen with a dildo once. She said that it wasn't chunky. She said it was just butt jelly. Howard asked if she was embarrassed by that. Jayden said there was no odor. She said that it wasn't bad. Jayden said that shit happens so it's no big deal.
Howard asked Jayden if she watches her own movies. She said she doesn't watch them all. Howard asked Rikki if she watches herself. She said she watches the trailers. She said she will watch the beginning but not the complete movie.
Howard asked why condoms ruin porn. Jayden said you don't want to see someone get fucked on camera with a condom. She said she hates the taste and they make her dry. Rikki said she hates condoms because her pussy is like suction and the condom comes off and stays in there. She said that she's very tight.
Howard asked Torrey if she watches her own scenes. She said she doesn't. She said she doesn't like seeing that.
Howard asked Jayden how far she got in school. She did one year in Community College. Torrey said she went to community college too. She said that she majored in Psychology. Howard said he might have to bet on her. Howard said that Jayden is Asian so he might have to go with her.
Howard said he heard that Jayden cut her ass shaving last week. Jayden said she was getting ready for an anal scene. She said she doesn't use a mirror so she was just shaving and the taint or ''gooch'' as she calls it. She said that she was bending over feeling it and shaving. She said she was rushing and then she cut herself. She said that she did the scene but she was nervous about doing it. She said that it didn't really bleed so it was more of a mental thing. Howard said his gooch has lots of hair. He said that he gets toilet paper stuck back there too.
Howard asked Jayden if she talks to her parents. She said she does but they aren't too happy with some of the decisions she's made. She said that they do want to be part of her life so they deal with it. She said in the long run she's going to make her own decisions. She said she is going to do what makes her happy. Howard played some audio of Jayden from her movie ''Big Tits In Sports.'' She didn't want to hear it but Howard played it anyway. Howard asked why she can't listen to it. She said she doesn't like the way she sounds. She said her voice is very deep and distinct. She said that she doesn't like the sound of her voice.
Howard moved on to Torrey Pines who has been in porn for 4 years. Howard asked if it's been good. She said it's fun. Howard said she doesn't look like she's having fun today. He asked what's wrong. Howard asked if the girls knew what happened in the election last night. Rikki said that Obama won and he went over the number of electoral votes he needed to win.
Howard asked Torrey if she was okay. She said she was sleepy but that's it. Will came in and said that he pre-interviewed her yesterday and she was all bubbly. Will asked if she's okay. Torrey said ''Yeah.''
Howard asked Torrey when she decided to get into porn. She said she was like 12. She said she knew about porn at 8. She said that she found a tape in the garbage and played it. She said it was porn and she thought it was pretty cool. Howard asked Torrey why she doesn't do anal. She said she's afraid of getting torn in half on set. Howard said she's single right now and asked if it's hard to be in a relationship in porn. Torrey said it's not really.
Howard said Torrey looks very sad today. Howard asked if she broke up with a guy last night. Torrey said no to that and no to someone dying. Howard said Torrey is Jewish and she might be the only Jewish porn star. She said she's not the only one. Howard asked who else is Jewish. Torrey said she doesn't know.
Howard asked the girls if they get how the game is played. They said they were ready to go. Howard said that he wants them to be comfortable so they can take their clothes off if they want. Rikki and Jayden took some clothes off. Torrey stayed in her chair and didn't move.
Howard said that Steven Singer Jewelers is the sponsor of this contest. He said that you can visit IHateStevenSinger.com to find out more.
Howard asked the girls if they were comfortable. Jayden said she wasn't. She wasn't sure what it was. Howard said the questions aren't very hard. He said that you can't help out the other girls.
Howard said that they have Torrey Pines, Jayden Lee and Rikki Six in the studio to play the game. Howard said a couple of the girls will be at the Exxxotica Expo in Edison, New Jersey this weekend. Rikki said she'll have some autographed pictures for the fans. She said that they can take pictures with her. Howard asked Torrey where she'll be this weekend. She said she'll be at home. Howard asked if her parents speak to her. She said they don't. Howard asked if that makes her sad. She said it's great.
Howard asked Torrey who Mitt Romney made his running mate. Torrey knew it was Paul Ryan. Howard asked if Jayden knew that. Jayden asked if she could have a lifeline call. She said she doesn't watch TV or anything. Howard asked Rikki if she knew. Rikki said she didn't know it either.
Howard asked Jayden to spell feces. Jayden asked how long she had. She said that it started with F. Howard asked if she knows what Feces is. She said she does. Howard had her do it quickly. She said ''FESIES.'' She was wrong so Howard had her say ''I'm dumber than a box of rocks.''
Howard went to Rikki and asked her to spell feces. Rikki spelled it ''FESIES.'' She had to say that she's dumber than a box of rocks too. Robin said she gave the same answer as Jayden.
Howard said that Torrey can steal now. He asked her to spell feces. She said it was ''FEECES.'' Howard said that's wrong too. She had to say she's dumber than a box of rocks. Howard said it's spelled ''FECES.''
Howard asked Jayden ''What does the abbreviation Oz stand for?'' Jayden said ''Wizard of Oz.'' She had to say she was dumber than a box of rocks. Rikki was up next and she said 'Oz' stands for ''Oxygen.'' Howard said no to that. Rikki had to say she's dumber than a box of rocks. Howard asked Torrey what she thinks it stands for. Torrey said ''Ounce'' and got it right. She was in the lead with two points. Torrey said she actually studied.
Howard moved on to the next question and asked Jayden ''What is a piccolo?'' Jayden said it's a musical instrument. Howard said that's correct. She got a point.
Howard asked Rikki ''What does 3D stand for?'' Rikki said ''Three dimensional'' and got it right. Howard said that she has a point now too. Howard said now Torrey has competition.
Howard said that the score is 2-1-1 with Torrey in the lead. He asked Torrey ''What does CPA stand for?'' She said it was Certified Personal Accountant. She was close. Howard said a Jewish person should know this. She said she was dumber than a box of rocks. Howard asked Jayden what she thinks. Jayden said she doesn't know. She said she's dumber than a box of rocks. Howard had her repeat it because she was saying it too low. Howard asked Rikki what it means. Rikki said ''Certified Physician's Assistant.'' She was wrong too. Howard told her it's Certified Public Accountant.
Howard asked Torrey ''It's 10am, what time is it 10 hours from now?'' Torrey said it would be 8pm. Howard said that's right. He said she's on fire.
Howard asked Jayden ''Spell feces.'' Jayden said ''FEC... I don't remember.'' She said that she didn't have breakfast so she had trouble remembering. Howard said he bets Torrey ate because she's winning. Jayden said ''FECES'' and got it right. Howard said she got another point.
Howard asked Rikki who wrote Romeo and Juliet. She said it was Shakespeare. She was right. She had 2 and Jayden had 2 while Torrey had 3 points.
Howard asked Torrey ''In what country was Osama Bin Laden killed in?'' She said ''Afghanistan.'' Robin said Howard's grammar was awful with that sentence. Howard said he's trying to keep it real. He asked if he really just said that. Torrey was wrong. Howard asked Jayden what the answer was. He asked if she even knows who he is. Jayden said she knows he was a bad man. Howard asked if she knows what he did. Rikki was about to help but Howard stopped her. Howard told her to take a guess. Jayden said he was a terrorist. Howard said she does know. Robin said she must be playing dumb. Howard asked where they killed him. She said it was in his house. She said she thinks that it was Afghanistan. She said she really doesn't know. Jayden didn't have an answer. Howard told her to name any other country other than Afghanistan. She said Guatemala. Howard said that was a good guess but it's wrong. Howard asked Rikki if she knows the answer. Rikki said ''Iraq.'' Howard said it was actually Pakistan. Howard said it was all over the news.
Howard said this is a close race. He asked Torrey ''What is 1/8 of 24?'' Torrey let out a sigh and gave him a face. Howard said that she must not be good with math. Torrey said the answer was 3. She was right so she had 4 points. Howard said she's running away with this.
Howard asked Jayden ''What is the imaginary line drawn around the earth equally distant from both poles?'' Jayden said Equator and got it right. She wasn't sure about it though. She took a wild guess.
Howard asked Rikki ''What six letters make up the vowels in the English language?'' She said ''A E I O U and sometimes I.'' Howard said she was so close. Howard said that she got it wrong. She had to say she's dumber than a box of rocks. Howard had Torrey take it and end it. Howard said he had to give up after Torrey said ''A E I O U and sometimes Y and W.'' Howard said that W is correct too. Howard said that he would have accepted that. Howard said he isn't going to execute the loser.
Howard said that Torrey won but she looks miserable today. Howard said something must have happened last night. Howard had Steven Singer come in with the check for Torrey. Howard said he hasn't seen Steven in a long time. Jayden and Rikki were upset that they didn't win. They were complaining about how hard those questions were. Rikki said she's really sad that she didn't win.
Howard asked Torrey if she wanted to make a speech. She said ''Thank you!'' and that was it. Howard said that Steven has a jewelry store and they would cum in their pants if they saw what he has. Steven said he's very happy to be sponsoring this contest. He had a giant check for the winner and they have some prizes for the 2nd and 3rd place girls. They had $500 for each of them. Steven told Torrey to cheer up a bit. He said she just won 5 grand. Howard asked why she's so sad. The other girls didn't know. Howard said Torrey doesn't look very happy. Torrey said this is great and she's very happy.
Steven said that they also have diamond stud earrings for the girls. Rikki said she's never had a pair in her life. Howard said he thought she was kidding. She said that she's never had luck with any guys. She said that they don't even pay for dinner. She said they make her pay half. Howard said she doesn't have good taste in men. Jayden said she has someone who is taking her to Hawaii but he only got her one set of earrings. She said most guys aren't very nice. She said that most of them are broke and just want to have sex.
Howard had the girls show Steven their boobs since he just gave them gifts. Howard said that Rikki must be doing something wrong if she can't get a guy. She said she loves to go streaking. Howard said he would love that too if he looked like her.
Howard thanked Steven for being with them all these years. He said that he appreciates him giving the girls their prizes too. Steven said that he doesn't get in there too often but he has a nice story about Howard. He said that when Howard left terrestrial radio and came to Sirius he came there and wanted to be a sponsor. He said he's been wit him since 1986 or so. He said that he talked to Tim, Sam and Mel and they wanted national sponsors. Steven said that they said no at first and had all kinds of ridiculous demands. He said he spoke to Mel and Mel said that he spoke to Howard personally and Howard said he is a loyal sponsor and a friend so he's going to do the spots no matter what. Steven said they didn't want to let him come on at first. He said that he's been riding on Howard's coattails for all this time and it was life changing because of Howard.
Howard said he can't believe that Mel was willing to turn that down. Steven said that he thinks they didn't think they were important enough. Howard said he has been very loyal to the show and he appreciates the business. He said he treats the fans very well.
Steven said that all of the guys on the show come in the store and they're all great. He said they deal with other radio stations and they all talk behind the backs of their bosses but not the guys from Howard's show. He said that they are all very good about that.
Howard said that Steven is going on like he just gave them a million bucks. Steven said he just wants to say how great Howard is. He said that everyone there loves Howard. Howard said they're going to transcribe that and put it up on HowardStern.com in the year 2050. Howard said he can't go on that long. Steven said he has verbal diarrhea. He apologized for going on so long.
Howard wrapped up with the girls and thanked them for coming in. Rikki said that everyone should come to see her at the Exxxotica Expo this weekend. Howard gave them a plug for the web site ExxxoticaExpo.com
Rikki said she's in Hustler this month too. She said that people should pick that up. She said that she loves the cover of the magazine where she's straddling the Harley. Howard asked Torrey if she had anything to add. She had nothing. Jayden said if you have Twitter you can follow her at @JaydenLeexxx. Rikki also got in a plug for her's at @Rikki_Six. Howard said he gets it, it's like Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue. Howard asked if she has banged any of those guys. She said she hasn't but she has banged a reality TV show star. Howard asked if it's Tom Bergeron. Rikki said he has his own reality show. Howard asked if it's Jesse James or Donald Trump. She said no to both. The girls were all saying they do like Adam Levine from Maroon 5. Rikki said she would jump on Tom Brady too.
Howard asked Torrey what in life she looks forward to. She said that she needs to use the restroom. Howard said he'll end the segment then. Robin said that must be what she looks forward to. Howard said he doesn't want to keep her from the bathroom. Robin said she's been squirming for quite some time. Howard said she won't like the bathroom when she goes in there. He told her not to touch anything in there. He told her to just piss on the floor if she sees someone named Tim Sabean coming out of there. Howard wrapped up and thanked everyone for coming in. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from Jeff the Drunk. Jeff said that the real winners with that game were the listeners. Howard asked what game he was talking about. Jeff said the Dumber than a Box of Rocks game. Jeff also told Howard that they mentioned him in a commercial during the break. He said it was one for ''The Moonshiners'' show. Howard said that Jeff has a lot to say. Jeff said he wants a spot on that TV show now. Howard had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard said that the letter W is a vowel sometimes and he can't understand that. Robin said that's not true. Howard said he doesn't get how the letter Y is a vowel. Howard said it's too confusing. Fred said that it's a vowel from a few words they borrowed from Welsh. He said that Cwr is a word that they refer to in what he was reading.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man. Speech asked if they heard Betty Thomas is producing a movie about Rush Limbaugh. Howard said they talked about it yesterday. Howard said Betty is a very bright woman and it must be a good script. He said that if it's interesting then why not do it? Speech said that Howard is more interesting than Rush is. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said the election is killing some people like the Jesus freaks and the religious right. Howard said that he had a tweet that said ''Jesus take the wheel from comrade Obama.'' Howard said people say they hate Obamacare and if you ask them why they don't even know what it is. Howard said they don't know why they hate it. Robin said that's because they're not great thinkers.
Howard said Jon Leiberman is still undecided in the election. He said that everyone else is either happy or upset about the election but Jon is still undecided. Howard said he wants to know what he decided. He remembered that Jon won't tell them how he voted. Howard said that FOX and NBC will tell you how they're voting. They don't care about being journalists.
Howard said it's funny how Ohio and Florida are the swing states and JD is a product of both of those states. He said you hear how he talks.
Howard said they were talking about that girl who was on the show talking about how DJ Whoo Kid's cum tasted like coconut. Howard said JD said he had a girl tell him his tastes like Filet-O-Fish.
Howard said he knows Gary and Ross Zapin are big Bruce Springsteen fans and now he heard that Chris Christie started crying when Bruce hugged him. Howard said he read that he has seen Bruce 130 times. Howard said he doesn't get what it is about the guy that gets these guys into a frenzy. Howard said Gary said that he would cum in his pants if he got a hug from Bruce. Howard said he's sure that Gary wouldn't stay home in a hurricane if Bruce asked him to help him out.
Gary came in and said that people identify with Bruce. He said he seems to speak to them. Gary said he read about Chris Christie going to a Bruce concert and saying that he was upset that Bruce didn't like him and they don't have much in common. Fred said that Springsteen did blow him off in the past but now they've come together.
Howard said he likes Springsteen and his music but some guys get kind of gay about it. Robin said Ross runs around with a sign he had made for every concert. Gary said he had that sign professionally made. He said he holds it up trying to get Bruce to play a certain song.
Howard said he's glad the election is over. He said now they can move on to regular things. He said we can now concentrate on voting on The Voice.
Howard said that people were wondering how Robin voted. He said that she did it via ISDN line. Howard said that Jon Hein is one of those guys who won't tell you who he's voting for. Howard said he's very odd that way. Howard asked Jon why he won't talk about that. Gary said two days ago he did say he was voting for Obama. Howard said he must have missed that. Jon came in and said that he did vote for Obama and it wasn't an easy decision for him. He said he's pro choice too. Howard asked if the new Spider-Man is coming out this week. Jon said it should be out. He said he'll find out. Howard said he wants to see it now.
Howard said he wants to watch stuff on an iPad Mini but he had to return his. He said he had one but he returned it because it was Wi-Fi only. Howard said Ralph has one and he's fine with that. Howard said he doesn't know what Ralph is doing. Howard said he would probably buy an iPhone even if they said they didn't change it. He said that he loves tech stuff.
Howard said some people are saying in the news that being on the show twice yesterday hurt Mitt Romney at the polls. Howard said that some of their listeners are complete retards. He said that he had one guy say that they were trying to fool people with fake Romney but not a fake Obama. Howard said he would love to have a fake Obama on. Howard read another one where the writer was asking for a fair and unbiased broadcast. Howard said that they asked for Fake Obama but Clear Channel didn't want them to have him on.
Howard said that the Mitt Romney guy was very good and he should give him a plug. Howard said that you can get more of Mitt at WeApprovedThisMessage.com. the guy's name was Mike MacRae.
Howard said that people were upset with Robin for spoiling The Walking Dead earlier in the week. Howard read some of the feedback he got about that. Some people were very pissed that she spoiled it.
Howard said that his parents and sister are still with him. He said that the gas shortage has to stop too. He said that it's bullshit. Robin said that people are trading gas for sex and things like that. Howard said Ronnie told a story about a guy who waited on line for hours and only got 4 gallons of gas.
Howard read about Sour Shoes appearance on the show. He got some positive and negative email about him. Howard went through a bunch of those very quickly. Robin asked if he really shot a load yesterday. Howard said he did. He saw him after the show and he really did.
Howard said Alexis Ford was talking about anal and cum and Sour was like twitching in his chair so they should check the tape to see if they can tell when he came.
Howard read an email from a guy who was praising the Swap and Shop phone calls Sal and Richard do. That led to Howard replaying a new one he played this week. In that one Sal calls in to sell a generator that's powered by feces and urine.
After the break, around 9:45am, we heard a Crank Yankers clip where Kevin Nealon called a woman about a car she had for sale. Fred also played Jimi Hendrix performing the National Anthem as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that we barely knew Jimi. Robin said that she thinks that he would have ended up being the kind of guy they'd laugh at these days. Howard said he doesn't think that's the case. He had to do another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Cyndi Lauper losing a relative in Hurricane Sandy. Robin said that her 90 year old uncle was found dead in his house. Robin said that Cyndi asked her relatives why they didn't go get him. They didn't think it was going to get that bad.
Robin said in Philadelphia they're separating 8 month old conjoined twins. Howard said they should keep them that way. He said we don't have any conjoined twins. Howard said that the people at Riley's are jumping out windows today. Robin said they expect that the girls will be able to lead full, healthy and independent lives.
Robin read about the election and how President Obama won last night. Robin said that Mitt Romney made his concession speech in the early morning hours. Robin had some audio of that speech. Robin said that President Obama was on fire when he came out to address the people. Robin had some audio of him making a speech as well.
Howard said that Romney didn't take his home state or the state he was Governor of. He said he didn't take his home state either. Howard said Paul Ryan didn't deliver his state either. Robin had more audio of Obama speaking about how he is more inspired than ever.
Robin read about John Boehner and had some audio of him speaking about the election. She had some other news about various people talking about the Obama win.
Robin had some other election results and went through a lot of that stuff with Howard. She mentioned that Todd Aiken lost in his election. Howard said he's glad he lost. He said if he had won he'd be wondering what woman would have voted for him. Howard said that guy is the ''legitimate rape'' guy and he made no sense at all. Robin had some audio of Aiken making his concession speech. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read more election results. Robin had news about a Joseph Kennedy who was elected to congress and that led to Howard doing his Kennedy impression for a few minutes.
Robin read about how some medical marijuana laws were passed in Colorado and Washington state. Robin had some details about that. Howard was still doing his Kennedy impression and talking about drug use.
Robin read about the condom law in California and said that it looks like it's going to pass. Robin said that they would have to have permits to film porn in Los Angeles.
Robin read about an openly gay man who won a senate seat in the election. Robin read about some health care reform laws that were voted on as well.
Robin read about the Nor'easter that's heading up the coast. Robin had some audio of a weather guy talking about the storm. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about a military guy who is accused of forcing women into inappropriate relationships. Robin said that he's been in the military for 27 years. Howard said he heard that he would ask women if it was too hot in the office and ask if they wanted to take their shirt off.
Robin read about a man who went on a shooting spree and killed a few people. Robin said he's scheduled to be sentenced tomorrow. Robin said this is the guy who shot Gabby Giffords. Howard said that guy is a dick. He said he hates what he did to Gabby and that he killed that kid and other people. He said he likes Dexter and he thinks that they should ''Dexter his ass.'' Howard said Dexter is everything Batman is not. Howard said he's really a super hero. Howard said Batman should kill the joker but he just puts him in an asylum. Howard said he always escapes for the next film.
Robin read about the mentally disabled woman who is pregnant. Robin said that the parents are opposed to the abortion but a judge will rule on it today. Robin said the woman is mentally only a 6 year old. Robin said she's at a high risk for complications if she does give birth. Howard said this country is nuts. He said the republican party has to distance itself from the tea party and religious right.
Robin read about an HIV vaccine that has been put to the test. Robin said they say the results are exciting so far. Robin said this is the first step to a publicly available HIV vaccine. Howard asked Robin if she would get it. Robin said she's not sure she would need it. Howard said most of their fucking is out of the way anyway so they might not. That led to Howard doing another live commercial for Trojan condoms.
Robin read a story about how John Lennon wanted to do something with Eric Clapton back in 1971. Lennon wrote a proposal for Clapton and he said that he could make him a better musician. The letter is up for auction. Howard said that would have been unbelievable if they had gotten together. Howard said it was a bit arrogant of Lennon to write that but he still thinks it would have been great.
Robin read about some UFO sightings in India. Robin said they claim to have seen over 100 yellow spheres that fly for hours at a time. Robin said some people think that they're in touch with Aliens in India. Howard said we're alone and there is no life out there.
Robin had some audio of Kristen Stewart talking about getting back together with Robert Pattinson. Howard said he wants them back together but he's not sure why. He said he really does. Howard played the clip and talked about what an awful actress she is. Howard said that he hates that they won't just say if they're back together. He said that they have to get her in there and he'll get it out of her. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Jon said that the vowel question was kind of tricky too. He said that the W thing shouldn't have been included. Gary said that Benjy was the one who pointed that out. He said that no one has ever said W before. He said that there are like 3 words where W is a vowel and no one uses them.
Will came in to talk about the game since he had to interview the girls to find the contestants. He said they had an overflow of girls to play this one.
Jon asked how they draw the line for which questions they should get wrong. Will said there are some questions that just work with girls who are in porn. Gary said that one of the girls left a cheat sheet on her chair and it turns out that some of them were questions that Will asked them in the pre-interview. Gary said that they just didn't ask her those questions.
Jon said he always wondered which staff members are dumber than a box of rocks. He said he thinks that the Oz thing was kind of tough for some but there are other questions that might be hard for some people. Gary said that Sal was in a game once but he got a lot of the answers.
Steve asked Will what he says to the girls when they're too smart. Will said he just says thank-you and ''Next!''
Jon took a call from a woman who asked why they say ''waiting on line'' instead of ''waiting in line'' there in New York. Gary said that's the way they talk there. He asked the woman why she talks the way she talks. He said that people from different areas talk differently. He said that he drinks soda and in some places it's pop. He said he drinks from a water fountain and in some places it's called a bubbler. That's the way it is. They went to break after that.
Jon said that Jayden and Rikki really wanted to be there. Gary said that Rikki reminded him of the girl on Suburgatory with the blonde hair.
Jon took a call from a speech pathologist who wanted to straighten out the W vowel thing. She told the guys what she knows about it. She said that the six vowels should have been AEIOU and sometimes Y.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the three girls voted for Obama. He said he hopes they didn't. Gary asked why it would matter. Gary asked if they all flew yesterday. Will said they did. Gary said they probably didn't vote. The caller said that everyone who voted for Obama and celebrating were young. He said that once they get older and own a home they'll realize how wrong they were.
Jon said that Ronnie took a lot of crap today. He said that he was doing his Gossip Girl review and Howard told him to stop trying so hard. Ronnie said that really threw him because he was trying to do his Gossip Girl thing today and he was barely able to talk. He said he was thinking too much about it.
Jon asked Ronnie about the song that Howard played today. Ronnie said that's Sal trying to set him up. He said he's not a rapper. Jon asked if he ever said he could rap better than Leiberman. Ronnie said he never said that. Will said he did too. Ronnie said no one could be worse than Leiberman. Will said it is great when Ronnie is just being himself. Ronnie told him to shut up.
Jon asked Ronnie when he voted. Ronnie said he had to find a gas station first. Gary said he should come up to Connecticut because it appears the gas shortage is over up there. Ronnie said that's where all of his neighbors are going for gas.
Jon and Gary talked about the election for a few minutes and gave their thoughts on what was going on with that. Will said he bet on the election like 2 years ago with Scott DePace and DePace paid him today but he threw the money on the floor and told him to pick it up. He said he's not going to do that.
Gary said if Romney won he would give him every opportunity to make things better but DePace doesn't seem to be able to do that with Obama. They had to take another break after that.
Jon had to calm the guys down. He said that Scott looks like he wants to punch someone right now. Scott said he does. He said he lost faith in the country. Gary asked if he supports the president. Scott said he does not support his policies. Gary said even when he did the right thing during the hurricane he couldn't support him. Scott said that everyone was against Bush during Katrina and now that this storm has hit Obama is doing the same thing and getting praised. Scott said that people were upset with Bush because he didn't land on the ground even though they couldn't.
Gary said that he should say that Scott should just say he can't support his president. Scott said he doesn't think that this guy is going to get the country where it needs to be. Gary asked Scott if he will support anything that will stop or hinder Obama from getting anything done. Scott said that's absolutely what he's doing.
Gary asked how Obamacare is going to affect Scott. Scott said that it hasn't hurt him yet but it starts this year. Gary asked how it's going to hurt Scott DePace. Scott said he has to explain how the whole economy works. Gary said he understands that but he wants to know specifically how it's going to affect him personally. Scott said he's trying to tell him but he's not listening. He said there will be tax increases. Will said there are not for Scott. Will said he can explain it to him but it's kind of boring for the audience.
Scott said there is an underlying thing to this where people don't have to be responsible and then they start going out and buying their iPhones and cars. He said they buy the other shit it's a bad thing.
Gary said he's still not answering the question. Scott said that if he doesn't understand that then he's not paying attention. He said it's the taxes. Scott said that they're going to start taxing people once the government is in control. He said that the government is going to start taxing people for being too fat and things like that. Gary said that none of that has happened. Scott said that it will happen.
Jon tried to get Scott's attention but he wasn't paying attention. Jon told everyone to shut up because they were all arguing. Jon asked Scott if he thinks that the election was over when Christie took the picture with Obama. Scott said he doesn't think that was it. He said there are a lot of people in the cities who voted for Obama in the cities. Jason said that he's talking about the minorities. Scott said he can call it what he wants.
Scott said that he's going to win by offering everyone a million dollars. Gary said that's not what happened. Scott said it might as well have. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Daddy Fred Returns. 11/8/02. 6:05am
Fred was back after being out a day to be with his wife and new daughter Tess. Artie said ''Wow!'' when he heard that name. He said you don't hear that very often these days. He said he has an aunt Tess. Howard said when you ask Fred what the name is, he says he's 99 percent sure. He said they were going back and forth with it last night just making sure they want to go that way. Robin asked him if he had trouble writing the name out when they filled out the paper. Fred said most people would just congratulate him but Robin had to goof on him right away. Howard and Artie both said they like the name and are glad Fred got away from the Britany's and Kaitlin names that so many people are using these says. The guys ended up talking about some other names like Jackson Dell'Abate which is unusual. Howard said Fred was describing holding his baby and said that his wife is very happy with the child. Howard said Fred can act like a loving father even if he's really not. Robin pointed out that Howard said that and Fred didn't go off on him like he did with her. Howard spent a few more minutes asking Fred who has seen the baby so far. He said his mother has seen it and that led to Howard calling her ''Nana Anal'' because she once admitted to enjoying anal sex one time.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Tesa sounded better than Tess with Fred's last name of Norris. Howard said it did sound better but Robin said she was liking Tess. A woman called in and asked what Tess' middle name is. He said it's Danielle. Robin asked if she will eventually rearrange her name like Fred did and change it to Danielle Tess Norris. She also wondered if she'll change it to Erika like Fred changed his to Erik. Howard pointed out that Fred will be the ''old dad'' when his daughter is growing up. He's already 47 years old. The woman on the phone asked what Stuttering John's daughter's names are. She said he doesn't ever say his youngest daughter's name. Howard said he couldn't remember it either. John told them that it's Lilly Belle.
Fred said he held the baby yesterday quite a bit but hasn't changed a diaper yet. Howard pointed out that Alison's private parts will remain nice and tight since she had the baby by c-section instead of natural birth. Howard said he likes it tight down there.
The woman on the phone continued talking about how she likes all of the names the guys have picked out for their kids. Robin and the guys were talking about Gary's kids Jackson and Lucas. Stuttering John wondered why he didn't just go with Jack and Luke instead of the unusual Jackson and Lucas.
Stuttering John said that his youngest daughter hates him and doesn't want anything to do with him. Gary said his youngest has told him that he hates him 4 times this week already. He said when they go somewhere the kid always wants to go with his mommy and not him.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Carmen Electra interview and asked Howard what it was like to follow Dennis Rodman with her. Gary told Howard that people were upset with Howard because they still think he's lying about whether or not he had sex with her. Howard continued to say that he really didn't do anything sexual with her. He said he could just tell that she wasn't into him and didn't bother trying anything with her. Gary said some people were also upset with Howard for going off on Rebecca Romijn-Stamos after he heard that she wasn't coming on the show to promote her new movie. Howard said he's very defensive about his show and when a friend of his turns down doing the show he gets upset. He said he's not as angry as he was yesterday but he's still upset. He spent a few minutes talking about John Stamos and how they seem to befriend people who have been on the show. Robin was trying to find out if Howard thinks that John and Rebecca are really friends with him or not. He said he believes that they are friends and he would like to keep them as friends. Robin told him he should really try to fix the relationship then.
In the clip Howard was doing his impression of Magic Johnson talking about having HIV at his press conference. Howard said so much happened yesterday. He said that they have a lot of stuff coming up today too. He said if you tune away you're an idiot. Howard said Andy Bloom called and told him that Magic was going to have that press conference. Robin asked how Andy knew about it so soon. Howard said maybe Andy gave it to Magic.
Howard said he was thinking that Magic Johnson was a magician or something. He said for a second he wasn't able to put it together. He said it was like his computer went down for a second. Howard said he realized who it was and how great it was that people would finally pay attention to the AIDS problem in the country. Howard said that he sees the positive in every situation.
Howard said Gary called with Magic Johnson jokes and they had just gotten the news. Howard said Jackie was doing a show and people were yelling out jokes already. Jackie didn't even know about the news yet so he didn't know why they were doing that. Howard read some of the jokes he got about Magic. He had a bunch of stupid ones. He had a couple of pretty funny jokes too.
Howard asked if Magic is even gay. Robin said they say he got it from heterosexual contact. Howard said they must have done a full investigation. Howard said that he's going to stop going to basketball games. Robin said it's not like he was even going to any.
Howard said that he got calls from people criticizing Magic about this whole thing. Robin had some audio of Magic talking about the HIV thing and how his wife is fine and she's tested negative.
Howard wondered if the wife is going to let him have sex with him. Howard said that it must be kind of freaky to her. Howard asked Robin what she would do. Robin said if she loved him then she would stay. Howard said that it must be worth staying with him because he's worth so much. He said that you stick around with him until he's gone and you get his money. Robin said they say that he's worth like $100 million. Howard sounded shocked. Robin said that he can't eat up all of the money with his illness. Howard said he thinks he'd stay with the guy and let him do her a couple of times. Howard asked what kind of sex you can have. Robin said it would have to be safe sex.
Robin had more audio of Magic talking about how he's feeling. He said he's doing great and his wife is fine so they're going to go on.
Howard wondered how he got it. Robin said that no one can be sure but he says it was heterosexual contact. Howard said maybe he was with a guy that he thought was a woman like that idiot Danny Bonaduce.
Robin had some audio from some other basketball players and coaches about this revelation. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about his health as well.
Howard and Robin went through some other news about Magic. Howard said the only positive thing is that maybe they'll spend some money on trying to find a cure for AIDS. Robin said some other athletes have had AIDS and died from it. Robin read about some of those guys. She had a list with a bunch of guys on it.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he dumped Imus as a friend when he figured out how he was using him. Howard said he never really liked the guy. He said he thought it was funny that they were acting buddy/buddy. He said that he kind of gave him the brush off and blew him off. Howard said he told him that he was fired from his show. Howard said no one at the station has the guts to do that. Howard said he just wants to be fired so this might help. Howard said he wants to go to an FM station and he thinks this might help get him fired.
Howard said he's not going to sit and pretend that he's friends with Imus. He said it's a phony relationship. Robin said he has done this to Howard before. He's nice to Howard and then a few days later he's yelling at him. Howard said this whole thing isn't working with him.
Howard said he had a meeting with John Hayes and they basically talked about Imus. Robin said he can't be Howard's friend. Howard said if Imus invited him to his house for dinner or something that would be friendly.
Howard said he thinks this is the best thing to do. He said Imus and Charles pretend that they like each other but he's not going to play that game. He said he's not going for it.
Howard said they were going to have an Imus Dial-A-Date but they had to ditch that idea. Howard said this is probably the first time Imus has been dumped before.
Howard said he had Imus on the phone. Imus was on the line and said he's been very nice to Howard. Howard said he has been nice since his girlfriend left town. Imus said that had nothing to do with it. Howard said he can't get rid of Imus. He said he was going to do the dial-a-date and then he said he hated him. He said he really doesn't want him hanging around him. He said he's probably home spiling spaghetti all over himself. Howard said Imus pours it on his legs.
Robin asked what brought about this change of heart. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he realized how phony the whole relationship was so he had to end it. Howard said he's not sure how long these ratings are going to last so he needs real friends. He said a real friend would get him into that movie he's going to be in.
Howard killed a few minutes talking about how he was invited to the Osbourne's wedding vow renewal party. He said he doesn't want to go to it because he knows it'll turn into a TV show and he doesn't want to be part of it. Howard spent some time talking about his relationship with Ozzy and Sharon. He said he probably could have gotten Sharon to come on his show after they found out she had cancer but they didn't even think of doing that. He said that Barbara Walters is such a vampire that she calls her right up and puts her on 20/20 to talk about her cancer. Robin pointed out that Barbara got Ozzy to cry when she asked him what he's going to do if Sharon dies. Howard said he's envious of Ozzy's love for Sharon.
Jeff the Drunk finally showed up so Howard said he'd keep the segment short. Jeff was carrying a bag full of beer. Gary told Howard that when Jeff falls down you can hear a bunch of his beers breaking. Howard replayed it and tried to hear the breaking. The guys got a few more laughs from the clip. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that when they sent Jeff home yesterday they had to send down a big guy from the station to put him in a cab. The 200 pound guy wasn't able to get him into the cab so he asked for help. He also said that Jeff was choking on something yesterday and was turning purple in the green room.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that he heard that Jeff was thrown out of his hotel room yesterday. Jeff said the hotel people asked him to leave so he vanished for a long time during the day. Jeff said they did ask him to leave but gave a wacky explanation about his manager getting him another night there. He said that his manager told him they got him another night there but 5 minutes later they came and demanded that he leave. He left and went to a bar and hung out for a while.
KC said that nothing is ever good enough for Jeff and he's one of the toughest guests to deal with. Howard took a phone call from this guy Tim who said he doesn't want to see Jeff kill himself with alcohol. Jeff said Tim is the one who introduced him to Howard. Tim talked about how much Jeff drinks and how he hates to see that going on. KC and Howard also pointed out what a mess he is. KC said his fingernails are really long and Howard said he has snot dripping down into his moustache. He said there's a lot of stuff going on there.
KC said that Jeff's manager wants to meet him at the station at 3 o'clock today so Jeff wanted to sleep there for a few hours. KC said that when Jeff leaves the studio he's going to get really pissed and upset that he can't sleep there. Jeff said that he'll leave quietly if they want him to.
This guy called in and claimed to be Jeff's manager but after arguing with the guy for a few minutes they found out it was Sean the White Rapper. Gary and KC were talking about what a pain in the ass this guy is and it wasn't even him. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later and took a break.
Howard thinks they should have a re-vote down in Florida because there were too many irregularities down there. There is an estimate that about 2000 old people down in Palm Beach, Florida punched the wrong vote on the cards they were using because they couldn't read it correctly. They wanted to vote Gore but ended up punching Buchanan instead. A listener called in and explained how they got confused by the way the cards were set up. He basically said that the old people didn't see the line leading from Gore's name to the box they were supposed to punch.
Howard was informed that DJ Booker who is on his station in New York City is in some kind of poll on WB11.com for the best DJ in New York. He's losing to DJ's like Issac Hayes, Cubby and Funk Master Flex. Booker called Gary last night and asked for his help to get his rating up a bit. Just go to that site and cast your vote for Booker under the NY DJ's link.
The woman who won a trip to the Geena Davis show recently called in to tell Howard about what happened when she went. She got to meet Geena and when they told Geena she'd won the trip on the Howard Stern show she gave the woman a dirty look. The woman said that Geena was very rude, ugly and unfunny. She said the show was awful. Howard called Geena a skank and said that if she's got a problem with him she shouldn't take it out on his fans.
Later in the show Howard continued his election coverage. He played tape of Hillary Clinton making a quick speech after she was told she won the Senate seat in New York. Howard also had tape of Rick Lazio telling his people that he'd just called Hillary to congratulate her. His people just booed when he mentioned her name. Howard saw in one news article that 4% of the votes were for ''other'' and he wonders who the hell these people are voting for. He also wondered what kind of person would vote for ''other''.
In the clip Howard took a call from George Pataki who was running for governor. Howard said he has been campaigning for him lately. Howard said he would cut taxes on gasoline to lower the price. He said that gas is 30 cents per gallon more in New York than it is in New Jersey. Howard said he wants to get rid of Cuomo and get Pataki in there. Howard said he's ready to do it for him. George said that they went up in the polls when Howard started endorsing him. Howard said George did a great job last night. He went over some of the things Pataki was saying in the debate last night. He said that he really liked what he was doing. He spent a few minutes talking to Pataki before he had to let him go.
Howard said he heard that Gary was going to vote for Cuomo. Howard asked Gary if that's true. Gary said he was actually undecided. He said he's not sure about Cuomo so that's why he's undecided. Howard told Gary why he has to vote for Pataki. Howard said Gary actually just moved to Connecticut. Gary said he did that because of low income tax rates. They spent a few more minutes on that before wrapping up.
Howard said he goes from about a half inch to 6 inches so he must be a grower. That doesn't always happen with guys. He asked Artie how big he is when he's flaccid. Artie thought about it for a minute and said it's about 2 1/2 inches. It's under three. He said he's between 5 1/2 and 6 inches when he's erect because he has measured. He said he's never quite reached 6 inches.
Howard said Bubba's conversation was very interesting. He said Bubba was also talking politics a little bit and also talking about how he wasn't available the other day because he was at marriage counseling and he's not even married yet. Howard said they had a lot of interesting things on the show yesterday.
Howard said they were talking about what Bubba and his fiancee might be talking about in counseling. Howard said that he and Beth both agree that they don't want kids right now but if something changes in the future, what do they do? That's the kind of stuff that Bubba might be talking about with his future wife. Artie thinks that Howard should get out of the relationship before she wants kids because if they do end up having kids, Howard is going to resent the kid.
Robin said that she thinks Howard would love whatever came out of Beth and he would stay with her even if she did want kids. Robin made the decision not to have kids because she's too selfish for that. Howard said that she was a Big Sister to a girl though. Robin said that was one of the toughest things she's ever done and she did find herself in her car heading in the other direction on many occasions. She would turn around and go to get the girl though so she didn't bail out on her.
Howard said he loves his kids but he really doesn't want any more. He said it's a good idea for Bubba and his future wife to go to a therapist. It could help them get through stuff before they actually get married. Robin said that you don't always know how things are going to go 5 years from now. She asked Howard if he's heard about Brent's marriage because his wife has to call and ask him to do anything she does. Howard thinks that's got something to do with a guy who can't get away from his own mother.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Howard why he wouldn't be able to love a kid while he can love his bull dog. Howard said he was taking this discussion in a strange direction. He said he would love his kids but he doesn't want to have anymore. Robin said that Howard's condom could rip and he could spill his seed and get Beth pregnant. Howard said he didn't want to talk about that anymore. King said he doesn't want to face the reality of all of this.
Howard said he feels the same way Artie does when he's doing the Grandma Caprio impression. Artie got Howard's megaphone and started doing an impression of Beth asking him to have babies. Artie did that and even did an impression of Howard's grandmother. Artie switched between the two and did his female voice as Beth telling Robin she was pregnant. She said she was going to have a lot of baby weight on her and he was going to have a child. He said that they would never have to have sex again after she has the baby.
King said that he doesn't think that Beth is the kind of woman who would make Howard take care of the kid. Artie did some more of Howard's grandma and telling Howard she wanted Beth to convert to become a Jew. King told Howard he's going to have to face this whole thing some day soon. He thinks that in about 6 months from now she's going to ask for a baby and Howard will cave in and give her the baby.
Howard said he doesn't have to listen to that crap from King of All Blacks so he hung up on him. Melrose Larry Green called in and said he knows Howard is going to hang up on him but he can't stand his stance on the Iraq war. Melrose said that Artie voted for Bush but Artie said that's not true. Melrose wished Artie luck at Carnegie Hall and told Howard he's depressed and this is not the end of the road for the Republicans. He got off the line a short time later without getting into the war discussion too much.
A caller told Howard that he's a grower just like Howard is. Howard told the guy they should all stick together as a group. Artie told Howard that Norm MacDonald has said on the show that he's 6 inches flaccid and when he's hard. He doesn't grow at all when he gets erect. Howard said he's had to hide his penis over the years and can't show it to guys in the locker room.
Robin said that she was looking at the statue of David and he looks very small. Howard said he likes that statue because Michelangelo didn't go too far and give the guy a huge penis. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Ass Napkin (Paranoid Schizophrenic) Ed Visits. 11/08/07. 6:50am
After the commercial break we heard a clip of Richard Christy at a Star Trek convention talking to a Trekkie who was telling him his favorite line from the show. Fred also played a Larry Pierce song as Howard was coming back. Howard said that they had a guy call in last week who talked about putting an ''ass napkin'' in his underwear to make sure he doesn't get skid marks. He said that guy was there this morning. He replayed the guy's call from last week and wondered why they had him in there today.
Howard had Ass Napkin Ed com in a short time later. Ed was drunk and barely able to speak this morning. He was mumbling out his words and barely understandable. The guy said that he's a paranoid schizophrenic when he called in last week. He had some kind of twitch going on too. Howard said he wanted to see this ass rag he has in his pants. Ed said it has shit on it so he didn't want to show it. He said he was itchy down there so that's why there was shit on it.
Howard said he had the same problem and suggested he get baby wipes to clean up down there. Ed said he has fuckin' baby wipes and his voice went really high. Artie said he sounds like a crazy Mexican. Artie remembered meeting the guy at a signing up in Buffalo one time. Ed said that was like 2 years ago and he as amazed that Artie remembered him.
Howard said that he now knows why he wanted to meet this guy. He said that he was really interesting. Ed said he came down from Buffalo this morning on the bus. He said he just got off the bus about an hour ago. Howard said that Ed has some mental problems and he can't work because of them. He's paranoid and schizophrenic. Howard wondered what he hears in his head and stuff. Ed said he hears Howard a lot and it's not when he's on the air. He also hears Baba Booey. Howard said he hears his parents voices a lot in his head.
Howard asked Ed what he hears him saying. Ed said that he hears Howard talking shit and telling him to get the fuck out of there and things like that. Artie said that they actually did say that.
Howard asked Ed about his drinking and if he did it on the bus. He said he was drinking red wine and he did have it with him on the bus. He said that it's $10 a box for the stuff he drinks. Howard wanted to give him some advice on his ass problems, that's why he brought him down there. Ed asked if he could play a contest or something for money. Gary said they did have some for him so he'd bring in the information.
Howard asked Ed why he thinks that there's shit on his ass napkin. Ed said he took a shit a few hours before he got on the bus. He wiped but then put an ass napkin in his pants. Howard asked him how there could be shit on it if he wiped. Ed said that he didn't have any wet naps with him at the time. Howard told him that he probably created something he could call an ass-pon like a tampon for the ass.
Howard asked Ed to pull down his pants and show the ass napkin. He didn't want him to pull it out though. Ed pulled down his pants and showed the guys what he had in there. Howard didn't want to see him pull it out. He said he saw that he had zits on his ass though. Ed said that he's 35 years old but the guys said he looks younger. He said he's still able to get girls and he doesn't have to pay for them. He's able to pick them up in the bar.
Artie said that he likes this kid and asked him if he wanted to open up for him at Avery Fisher Hall. Ed said that he actually has some material and did him some of that. He seemed to get lost halfway through the joke and said he had to add more to it. It was something about going into an old building and being unable to find the string for the light. He had Artie laughing his ass off but it wasn't because the joke was funny, it was his delivery. Artie said that what he was doing physically was funny.
Howard said that he asked Ed down there to give him some advice on wiping. He told him that he had the same problems when he was his age and had to learn how to wipe correctly. He said he wipes 3 times with wet naps until he doesn't see anymore brown. He told him to buy some Wet Naps and use those instead of paper. He thinks that Ed is going to get hemorrhoids if he keeps doing what he's doing. Ed said he thinks that he'll keep using the ass rag even if he does that.
Howard asked him if the ass rag has ever fallen out when he's walking around. He said that has happened but he just played dumb and pretended he didn't know what it was. He said that there were a bunch of businessmen around at the time. He said he was at a hotel in Boston at the time. Artie wondered what he was doing there. Ed said he'd gone to the Lizzie Borden house up there with his sister. He said that he slept right in the spot where the people were killed.
Howard asked Ed if people see the shit on the ass napkin when it falls out. Ed said that it's like his calling card when it falls out. Artie said that he must say ''What asshole left that here?'' when he sees it fall out.
Howard asked Ed if he has a problem with booze. Ed said that he does. Ed was also saying that he plays checkers on his computer and wanted Howard to play him. He also told Howard that he hasn't had sex in 2 years but he does beat off. Howard asked him if he's accidentally beat off into his ass napkin. Ed just laughed. Ed said that he's pan-sexual and only likes to be with himself.
Howard asked Gary if they had a game for Ed to play to win some money. Ed said that he's broke but he's still able to pay $13 a month for SIRIUS. Gary had some games to play and was working on getting them ready to play. Howard took some phone calls after Ed had asked to give some shout outs to some people but forgot who they were.
One caller said that this guy is a poser and he's been using one of these ''wa rags'' for years. He wanted to play a game against this guy and give the money to charity. Howard let him go and took another call but ended up hanging up on him because he didn't want to get into whatever it was he wanted to talk about.
Gary came in with a Big Foot game where they have Big Foot tell them if he knows who these famous people are. The first one was Abraham Lincoln and Big Foot knew that he was President. That was just an example for Ed. Then they gave him Tom Brady. Ed didn't know who he was himself. He thought that it was some guy from The Brady Bunch. He didn't think Big Foot would know who he was either. Howard said that the guy is the quarterback for the New England Patriots. Big Foot said he was from the Brady Bunch.
The next one was Adolf Hitler. Ed said he was some German dude who killed all the Jews. Ed figured that Big Foot would know too. He did, he said it was that Nazi dude. Howard played the next one which was Alec Baldwin. Ed knew he was an actor and figured Big Foot would know. Howard said he was nervous about that one. Big Foot said he didn't have the foggiest idea who he was.
Howard said that Ed wasn't out of it yet, he had two more chances to win the $500. He gave him the next name, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ed knew he was the governor of California. Howard said he was also an actor. Howard played his answer and Big Foot said he was a wrestler. Ed called him a retard and couldn't believe he missed that one.
Howard told Ed he has one more chance to win the money. He gave him the next one where Richard asks Big Foot ''Who's Artie Lange?'' Artie didn't think that he'd remember him. Ed said he knows Artie and he was right there. Ed said he met Artie a few years ago but he doesn't remember. Artie had just told him he did remember a short time before though. Big Foot said that Artie Lange was a guy ''who plays on the Howard Stern.'' Ed had pulled it out and won the money after guessing that Big Foot would know Artie. The money was courtesy of Cash4Gold.com
Ed said that on YouTube he does stuff and his name on there is ElephantDrunk. He said he does some singing on there. He sings the song ''Part Time Lover.'' Howard had Fred try to find that song but he wasn't able to find it in the system. Ed said he likes Michael Jackson stuff too. Howard let Ed get in a plug for RockysRubberRoom.com before letting him go.
Gary Coleman Comes In. 11/8/99. 7:35am
Actor Gary Coleman came in this morning to plug a web site thing he's doing on UGO.com. Earlier in the morning Howard heard that Gary wasn't thrilled about doing the show but he had to get this plug in for the web site. He said he's not a fan of Howard's and he didn't think much of him. He even said he'd walk off the show if Howard asked him a question he didn't like. There were a few things that Gary didn't want to talk about like ''Diff'rent Strokes'', his parents and a recent lawsuit. Howard said he'd try to bring up all three in one sentence. Gary came in and settled right in no problem. Howard asked him about everything from his height to his sex life. Gary told Howard that he's never listened to the show, he's just heard things from people about Howard bashing him. Howard and Robin said they've defended him in many things so he really shouldn't be upset about anything. Howard spent a while talking to Gary about how his adoptive parents squandered away all of his earnings from his ''Diff'rent Strokes'' work and how he's now penniless. It's estimated that Gary earned about $18 million in his childhood career and it's all gone. Even a $1 million pension fund vanished somehow. Howard also spoke to him about his kidney problems and how he has to go through dialysis 3 times a week. He said he has to sit there for 3 hours while machines clean his blood because his kidney's have failed more than once. He's had 2 transplants and neither of them have worked. The biggest revelation of the morning was that Gary is a 31 year old virgin! He said that there are many reasons for remaining a virgin including his health problems. He said that he has seen breasts but has never gotten oral sex or any other type of sex. He said when he needs to he pleasures himself but it's rare. He hinted that he's well endowed so that's not a problem for him. He said he has 4 friends and 3 of them are women. He said he gets along better with women than with men. Howard asked him if he's gay but Gary said no to that. Gary also spoke about this web site thing he's involved with. He said this UGO.com came after him and said they'd like to make some money for him. So they're running this thing from November 15 through the 28th where they'll have Gary auctioning things off and having a chat thing and a whole bunch of other stuff. Near the end of the interview Gary said that he was glad to have done the show today. Then the subject of Dana Plato came up. Gary said he'd heard horrible things about Howard because he was the last interview she did before her death. Howard explained that Dana was very happy the day she did the show and she enjoyed it very much. Gary was thinking that Howard may have been ''the catalyst'' for her downward spiral leading to her death the day after she appeared on the show. Howard made it clear that it wasn't the case. Gary said he had to apologize for thinking all of that stuff.
Fight Week: Round 2 - Howard Upsets The Gang, November 8, 1995. 09/28/09. 10:55am
Next up we heard a fight between Howard and Robin over some stuff he wrote in his book. This was from November 8, 1995 and it wasn't in my archives so here's a quick synopsis:
In the clip Howard was asking the guys what they thought about what he wrote in his book (Miss America) about them. Fred said the jury was still out. Robin said she thought Howard was horrible to her. She didn't like what he wrote about her and Fred.
Fred said he was humiliated with what he wrote about him. Howard didn't know that. He thought he had written some nice stuff about him in that book.
Robin told Howard what she had problems with. She had problems with some of the stuff she said about how Jackie is good for her and things like that. Howard had also said that she had created a fight over a birthday gift to see what would happen on the show. She said that wasn't true either and she didn't like the way things went during those conversations back then.
Howard said he doesn't think that what Robin was saying were bad things. Robin said that most people won't like what you write about them so she's not that upset about it.
Fred told Howard he's not sure what he did to him but he's sorry for whatever it was that made him write this stuff about him. Howard said that Fred is like his dog because he's very loyal to him. Fred said the book should have been called ''Pure Evil.''
Howard told Robin that her appraisal of the book was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. He said he had to take a break but Robin said that she and Fred were going to console each other during the break. Howard seemed to think that she was taking it too far. They went back and forth on that for a few minutes before Howard had to take a break.
After a fast forward we heard Howard talking about how his book was the fastest selling book in history. He and Robin talked about that for a short time but they ended up arguing again about the way he was treating her in the book. Howard said he didn't think he was out of line but Robin did.
Howard read some of the stuff he wrote about her in the book. A lot of it was complimentary but Robin didn't like some of the comments he made about her. Howard said he didn't have to defend his work and he told them to think whatever they want.
Howard read some of the lines he wrote about Fred too. Fred went off on Howard about some of the stuff he wrote about him too. He said he's not homophobic but that's what Howard wrote about him in the book. Howard said that Fred is very uptight about gays and he is homophobic. Fred insists that he's not.
Howard also goofed on Fred about the pouch of food he keeps in his mouth. Howard and Fred went through some of the other stuff that was written and Howard tried to defend what he had written. Robin and Fred ganged up on Howard and Jackie just stayed quiet. Jackie seemed to think that Robin was out of her mind with all of this.
Howard told Robin and Fred that he loves them. He delivered with the book. Fred told him he hopes he sells a lot. Fred got mad at Howard and called him a scum bag at one point. Howard didn't seem to like that since he thought he had done so much for the guy.
Howard, Fred and Robin continued their arguing for a few more minutes. Gary came in and said that Robin once tried to have him fired from the show. Robin said that's not true. Gary said that she didn't want him fired but she did tell Howard that he was doing a sub par job on the show. Robin said that she says that all the time.
Howard said Jackie came in on fire this morning because he had written ''F*** Jackie'' at the start of one of the chapters.
Howard said they did a 20/20 segment on him and he heard that they're going to be attacking him in the piece. Howard said that's what the word was on the promos they were running for the show.
Howard wanted to take a break but Robin and Jackie started to get into it. Howard said that Robin was very fired up this morning. He had to calm her down over all of that. He told her that it's all just jokes and it's supposed to be funny.
Howard ended up reading more of his book on the air. He read about Fred and how great he had been with him working together all these years. Howard compared Fred to a dog in that chapter. Howard said he was going to stick by what he wrote too. He said that he called both of them dogs, not just Fred. He wanted an apology from Fred for that but it wasn't going to happen. They wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard was going off on Gary for not following through on something and not knowing that it's something he should be doing. Howard said he tries to yell at Gary but Gary keeps talking. He said he says he knows what he's going to say and then says ''What you're saying is...'' Howard said he has to respect him. Gary said Howard talks to them like they're in kindergarten. Howard said he has to talk to them like that because they don't listen.
Howard told Gary to check the computer every day and see what Shelly is typing in there. Howard said he has to do that every day. Gary said she's not there today. Howard said he has to do it every day.
Howard told Gary to repeat after him and say that he knows very little and what he does know he forgets. Gary did it in a dopey voice.
Howard said Gary will yell at John over stuff too. He said that John is there as a volunteer and Gary is there to get the work done. Howard told Gary to use a little initiative there. Howard said he can't get a lot of things right and he has to just do what he tells him to do. He said he doesn't get his mail into the right pouch in his bag. Robin said that Gary comes in with the mail and says ''Here's the mail'' when he's been told to put it in the pouch. Howard said Gary says he talks to him like a retard and that's why he has to do that.
Howard said that Gary should be doing all of this stuff and talking to people. He said he should be organizing too. Howard said Gar's head explodes when he has to get stuff done. Howard said they do the TV show on Fridays and Gary's head explodes on those days.
Gary came in and defended himself. Howard told him he wants to have a pen in every pocket. He wants him to have note pads with him and he wants him to take constant notes. Howard said Joan Rivers' assistant has a clipboard and she takes constant notes.
Stuttering John told Howard how they've driven Gary nuts by moving stuff around on his desk. Howard said Gary is so disorganized. He said that he wants Gary to think for him but he just doesn't do it.
Howard said Gary could learn more about the computer system but he doesn't want to do that either. John told him that Gary is always asking how to use it. Howard said that John is stealing all of Gary's appearances so there's no tension in that office. John laughed.
Howard said if John left the show he'd be up the creek more than if just Gary left. Gary came back in and told Howard that they don't want a lot of operators on the computer because everyone works it in a different way. Howard said Gary is good at a lot of stuff. He said maybe someone else wants him to work for them. Robin said she was crying from all of this. Howard said he's crying on the inside.
Howard's Review Of Amy Fisher Porno - Not Positive. 11/08/07. 6:00am
Howard started the show talking about how he was watching the Amy Fisher porno. He told Robin that she's going to throw up when she sees it. He said that when she talks dirty it's really disturbing and doesn't sound real sincere. The husband is kind of odd looking and he's cumming on her tits and stuff. He said that they show everything and she's got kind of a big asshole and the husband has a big belly. It's just vile.
Howard said they had a cameraman there because someone was in the room filming them. The guy apparently has a lot of influence in the video because it's just gross to see this guy in it. Artie said that he thought that they were going to have Joey in that video too but Howard said that wasn't the case.
JD came in and didn't say anything so Howard asked him what was going on. JD said that he knew who the guy was that filmed it and wanted to talk about that but figured he didn't want to hear it. Howard said he is interested in that but Artie was in the middle of something. Artie went on to say that he was just saying that he thought that Joey was kind of implying that something was going on with the three of them the last time they were on the show.
Howard said that Amy's tits looked good but JD said he could see scars under them. He said you could tell that they were just making it to make a porn tape. There was nothing loving in it at all. Howard said that they were doing a shower scene and Amy was soaping up but there was hardly any soap so it was those kind of production values.
Howard said he started to gag when he saw the guy eating Amy out. He almost started to gag again when he was just thinking about it. He had some clips to play and in one you hear the husband talking about wanting to lick Amy's wet clit and it sounds like he's reading something. Howard played through a little bit of that and Amy is telling the guy to do her while the guy is saying he wants to examine her pussy. Robin thought that was funny.
In another clip Amy is taking a bath while the husband is telling her how hot she is. She asks him to shoot hot cum all over her tits but it sounded kind of forced. The guys goofed on her accent since it was such a heavy Long Island accent. Howard said it was just so gross. Howard was also making fun of the noise that Amy made when she was sucking in air.
Howard said the guy was all shaved down for the movie and Amy is jerking him off while he's looking at anything but her. Howard played more of the cum on my tits clip where Amy says that she loves tasting her daddy's cum. Robin said she was going to throw up just listening to this. She hadn't even seen the video. She said that they're sick.
JD said that there's a part in it where they're filming and you can see the kid's playset in the back yard. Amy is the mother of two kids and putting out this kind of stuff. JD told Howard about another clip where the two of them are pretending to be off camera and trying to be all loving. Amy is telling the guy he has to go somewhere so Howard said she probably has to go to court. She doesn't even remember where she was supposed to go half way through the scene.
Artie said that they sound like two of the most vile human beings of all time. Howard told him he should go back and watch a little bit of it during the break. Artie said that maybe he shouldn't. Howard played a little more of the audio and Amy is talking about the guy's big dick and her small pussy. Howard said it's not so small though. Then we hear her telling the guy to fuck her little cunt and Howard cuts it off. He gave them another plug for Amy's web site after that.
Howard said the guy isn't really huge but he's packing enough to do a porno. He said he's got nothing to be ashamed of down there. Artie said that it's just vile and that was a great way to describe it. Robin asked how old her kids are. Howard said they're probably old enough to kill themselves after seeing this video. Artie said he got embarrassed at a little league game if his parents cheered too loud. He can't imagine what this must be like.
In the clip Howard talked about how he was watching Free Willy over the weekend. He said he didn't want to cry in front of the kids. They were crying hysterically while he was getting teary. Howard said the movie was sad because the whale was locked up and wasn't able to escape. Howard said at the end of the movie they put up a phone number to call to help. Howard said he told the family they should call to help but he never did. Robin said that people usually do forget to call.
Howard said his parents came over and they talked about how they weren't going to discuss his career when they're over. Howard said his sister wanted to watch tapes of his show but he doesn't want to do that. He said Ellen is great because she loves what he does. He said she's exited for him but it also gets him all charged up. Howard said he wants to just be a regular guy when weekends roll around. He said he gets tired of people paying attention to him.
Howard said everyone wants him to sign books and he doesn't want to do that. He said he'd rather just not deal with it. Howard said he used to be unknown in Detroit when no one would ask him for things like that. Robin said she went to a mall on her vacation and no one bothered her at all. Robin said she can't go to malls there in New York. Howard said he wasn't able to walk around in Washington without being stopped. He said he took his parents out to show them how he was stopped all the time but no one was stopping him. Then they were in a department store and a bunch of people stopped him and made a big deal out of it.
Howard said when he goes out to dinner people say they'll protect him and keep the people away but sometimes people don't even say anything to you when you're out to eat. Howard said that actually kind of sucks too.
Howard said the new rule is to not talk about his career at the house but 5 seconds later his mom asked if he's going to have all of the girls in for the show. He said she doesn't like it. Howard said they just made the rule and 5 seconds later she's asking about the show. Howard said she was upset with the girls they have in for the parties. Howard said he got pissed off and asked what she's doing commenting on the show. Then she starts talking more about the show. Howard asked her what she knows about the show and then his dad got mad at her too.
Howard said his mother doesn't see it on herself. He said she only sees it on other people. Howard said she was saying she doesn't think it's funny when he has women like that on the show. Howard said he hates hearing that because then he starts questioning himself. Howard said he told her that she doesn't know what he has to do for ratings.
Howard said his mother has gotten weird since the book got to number 1. Howard said he tries to explain to them what's going on. Howard said his mom was telling him what she doesn't like and how he's behaving improperly. Howard said he told her to lighten up and not be his mom anymore. Howard said all of her parenting is done. He said he wants to retire her from being his mom. Howard said she won't say anything about anyone else in the family. He said she keeps her trap shut with everyone else. Howard said he is a deranged mental case from all of that.
Robin's Marathon Run. 11/08/10. 6:00am
Howard started the show talking about how they had only about 17 shows left to do there. Howard said it seems like a lot. He wondered what's really going to happen after that time. Howard was told it was actually 19 shows after today. Howard said he thinks he's had enough.
Howard said he's proud of Robin for finishing the New York City Marathon even though she didn't win. Howard said she was way behind the winners. Robin said she came in way behind them. She said she didn't plan on winning that one. She said she's not sure if she beat the Chilean miner either. Fred said he did it in 5:40 and Robin was over 6 hours. Robin said she had to stop and get something to eat. She said the gels and stuff weren't working for her. She had to get a bagel during the run.
Robin said everyone told her the gels would work but it didn't work. She said she was eating pretzels while she was preparing for the run. JD came in and said that the miner had to stop and rest because he had problems with his feet. Howard said he was running like 6 miles a day in the mine but that's really not enough. He said it was kind of irresponsible for that guy to run.
Robin said she beat Al Roker. She said he did it in over 9 hours and her time was 6:09. Howard said that can't be. Gary told Howard that Al's time was actually 7:09. Howard said that's more like it.
Robin said that Gange was supposed to film her running over the finish line but he wasn't there. Howard said if she was a stripper then he would have gotten her. Robin said they had like 6 people watching her and tracking her on the internet and Gange called and asked where she was and she was on her way home. Robin said she told Gange she got her stuff and was on her way home. They had 6 people trying to spot her and there weren't that many people around her when she crossed the finish line. Robin said it was just her and her coach running across the line.
Robin said that everyone was relying on Gange to get her an interview with CNN and stuff like that and he screwed it up. Robin said there were more people spotting her than there were crossing the finish line. Howard said Gange isn't going to have a job in the business if that's the way he works. Howard said the guy is a massive screw up.
Richard came in and said that they waited hours for Robin out there. He said they saw Jarred from Subway running and then they got a text from Lisa G saying that she just saw Robin in Manhattan. Richard said maybe Lisa G saw a black lady in Manhattan and screwed up. He said they left over that and missed Robin running. Richard said Lisa said Robin was in pink so they were going to be watching out for her but if she was right then Robin would have finished the marathon in 4 hours or so.
Howard asked if Lisa had an interview with that strange woman. He did an impression of her asking the stranger for an interview. Howard said he has a bunch of whackos working there. Howard said he remembers watching when Beth ran the marathon and watching every single person. He said they do start to look the same but Gange should have been able to find Robin in that crowd.
Robin said she crossed the line and her GPS didn't register it. They missed her somehow but they got Josh. Robin said they were looking for her after that and they couldn't figure it all out. Howard said it's been 20 years of incompetence from Mike Gange. Robin said they didn't cross the line with a lot of people. She said it was just her and Josh. Howard said he should fire all 6 of the spotters and Gange.
Robin said she saw a woman throw up in front of her. She said she didn't have any problems herself. She said she didn't have to go to the bathroom or anything. Robin said the woman who vomited was right in front of her and she just vomited out of nowhere.
Lisa G said that she got a text from Richard and Kristin and they told her that they hadn't seen her yet. Lisa said that they found Robin at mile 16 at 1:16 in the afternoon. Lisa said that they found her at that time in that area. Howard said Richard didn't understand the route then. Richard said he apologizes for that. So Lisa didn't screw up.
Lisa said they had a lot of people cheering for Robin out there. She said it was amazing. Lisa told Howard about some of the people they interviewed at the finish line but she missed Robin somehow. Richard said he saw a guy with no legs running in the marathon. Robin said he had those spring things on his legs. they said that was pretty amazing. Richard said there were people in costumes running too. Howard said that annoys him. Richard said he saw some people dressed up as bananas.
Howard said he saw a guy in a car. Lisa said there were a lot of single guys out there too. She said that Gange saw some cute girls there too. Howard said they all passed him by. Howard said he's such a waste of space.
Lisa asked how Robin was feeling. Robin said she's good but her legs do hurt. She said she had to go up some stairs to get out of there and no one was able to get up the stairs. Lisa said some people were collapsing. Howard asked if Robin cried. Robin said she didn't do anything.
Howard said that Robin is an ice woman for not crying. He asked what she did last night. Robin said she went out and celebrated and then went home and took a bath in some Epsom salts. Robin said that she will be running in the San Francisco marathon next July but she has to figure out how to prepare for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has listened to Howard for years. He said he wanted to congratulate Robin on her run. He was also hoping to hear the song parody ''C O C K I N T H E A S S'' song parody. Howard didn't remember that one. Fred said he'd try to find it but he didn't seem to remember it either.
Robin said she remembers seeing Mariann from Brooklyn out there on the route. Howard had Mariann on the phone so he went to her. Mariann said Robin was incredible and she worked so hard. She said they were hugging and kissing and she looked adorable. Howard had to hang up on her because she was rubbing her in the wrong way.
Howard had that song that the caller had requested. That one was done by Tony Daniels. Robin said she got a beautiful bouquet of flowers when she got home. Howard said he told Beth she'd probably be eating them by the time she got home.
Robin said she had a protein smoothie and some nuts. She said she ordered some Chinese food too because she needed something salty. Howard said he didn't think she ate salt. Robin said she doesn't usually but she was covered in salt after she got home.
Robin said she didn't have her medal on today. She said she's going to frame it. Howard said the Chilean Miner pissed him off. He said the front runners just move like magic though. Howard said the winner did it in like 2 hours and 8 minutes. That guy was just flying.
In the clip Robin was going through her news and read about how the children and grandchildren of the Three Stooges allegedly holding merchandising from the relatives of Joe Derita and Larry Fine. Howard said that Moe came up with everything. Fred played some Three Stooges sound effects while they were talking about that story.
Robin read about what was going on in court and what the fighting was all about. Robin mentioned that a relative of Bela Lugosi was representing the family in the case. That led to Howard doing his Bela Lugosi impression and making up a conversation that they could have had. Howard had the Lugosi relative representing Bozo the Clown as well. He had Captain Kangaroo III in there too.
Robin read more about the case and Howard kept doing his Bela Lugosi impression. Howard eventually came out of it and said that he wishes the family the best. He said that Joe Derita's family deserves something.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:40am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:25am.