|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about the very exciting morning they had. Robin asked what was so exciting. Howard said nothing actually. Robin said he's just lying to them.
Howard said he saw the remake of the movie ''Red Dawn'' over the weekend. He said the original was about the Russians taking over this country. Now it's the Koreans. Howard said he likes that. He said he likes watching high school kids fighting an entire army. He said he enjoyed the movie.
Howard asked Robin about the new James Bond movie. Robin said she wished it was better. Howard said he heard from some people who loved it. Robin said she loved Ian Fleming story lines and Sean Connery too. Robin said these days the movies are basically just chase movies. She said they have great chase scenes but James Bond isn't solving anything. Robin said that in the past the enemy would be upset at James Bond for foiling their plans. Howard said the movie made $83 million. Robin said it's up to half a billion worldwide.
Howard said Roger Moore is going to be in today. Robin said that he was the antithesis of James Bond and she wondered why he's coming into her studio today. She said he is ''Sir Asshole'' to her. She said she's just teasing. She said he ruined James Bond though. Howard told Roger to turn around if he's listening. Howard said he liked Roger Moore. Howard said Roger Moore was more humorous. Robin said he ruined James Bond.
Robin said Daniel Craig said something stupid about the character the other day. She said that he's talking about getting out of playing the character and he can't get out of it. Robin said she wishes that he would get out. Gary said Jason just said that he read that Daniel Craig likes the character and he just signed up to do 3 more.
Howard said Robin has to relax. Robin said there are certain people that she loves and she doesn't like people screwing with them. Robin said James Bond and Sherlock Holmes are a couple. She said if they're going to do them they should do them right. Howard said he's never seen Robin like this. He said she's usually pretty chill.
Robin said she doesn't like Robert Downey Jr. playing Sherlock Holmes. Howard said she likes him as Iron Man right? Robin said she does. She said that he should not be Sherlock Holmes.
Robin said that the TV show of Sherlock Holmes that is on Netflix is great. Howard said he doesn't have Netflix anymore. Howard said they beg him to come back but he won't do it. Robin said they have this guy by the name of Cumberbatch playing the character.
Howard said Robin had better calm down. She spoiled last week's The Walking Dead when she mentioned something that happened. Howard played a bit that Sal and Richard put together where they had Robin playing ''The Spoiler'' and spoiling things for people.
Howard said sometimes they're just talking extemporaneously and you don't think about what you're saying. Robin said that people are able to do things on Twitter these days and they end up getting fired from their jobs and things like that.
Howard said they had 3 porno stars in there last week and they played ''Dumber Than a Box of Rocks.'' Howard had Jayden Lee singing about porn to a Christmas song. It was her singing ''Let it gape'' to the tune of ''Let it Snow.'' Howard had Jayden singing ''Oh Fist Me'' next.
Howard said that all three girls were singing together too. He played one of the songs they sang together. Howard asked if they've ever heard a more depressing Christmas song. They were singing about Christmas and about porn.
Howard said the girls weren't very enthusiastic. He asked Sal and Richard how many takes it took. Sal came in and told him that it was just two or three and the more they asked the less enthusiastic they got. Howard noticed Sal's teeth were very white so Howard goofed on him about that for a minute. He said they're too white. Howard said they're so distracting the can't even talk to the guy. Sal said he'll hide them behind the microphone. Fred played a Geiger counter sound to make them sound like they were radioactive. Howard said that was a stretch. Howard said all Sal has to do is clear his throat in the morning and he'll think he's Gary.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Robin that she's very wrong about the James Bond movies. He said that Roger Moore was the best. The guy also asked Robin when she's going to get her ass back in the studio. Robin said she'll be back when it's time.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the new James Bond movie is amazing. Robin said there are some great chase scenes in the movie and Javier Bardem is great as the villain but the movies just aren't very good ''James Bond'' movies. Sal was saying that Robin is very out there. Robin said his teeth are very much out there. Sal said they're great. Howard said he had nice teeth before and now he has these huge things that he doesn't need. Sal said they're not huge. Howard said they are. He asked what he did to himself. He said he's too bored. Howard said they don't give him enough to do around there. Sal said he works his balls off.
Howard said he must need to give him more work. He said he has too much free time if he has time to fix his teeth. Howard said they put up a comparison of his teeth on Twitter @SternShow. Howard said that it's almost comical. Sal said he thinks that picture is enhanced. Robin said it looks like he has a flashlight behind them. Howard said he's not joking. Sal said that they came down a shade since then. Howard said he is the furthest thing from Hollywood and he shouldn't have done this.
The caller said that he lost his bulldog around the time that Howard lost his. He said they went and got a new one. Howard said they ended up getting another cat so they have four now. Howard said they miss Bianca though. He said the dog used to stand in the kitchen and watch them leave the house. He said they used to see her staring at them and they wished that they could get a time machine to get her back. Howard said he's working on a new movie where he'd get to see the dog in the past but he'd stay in the current times. Howard said they will get another dog at some point but the cats are great too. He said they can stay inside during the shitty weather.
The caller said that his bulldog lasted until it was 13. Howard said they won't get another bulldog. He said they don't live a nice life. He said they can't even give birth correctly.
Howard said he has to get back to Sal's teeth. Sal said he has a dog that's 8 years old and she hops up on him and he gets upset when he thinks about the dog leaving him some day. He said he doesn't want to outlive his dog. Howard said he won't with those teeth. He said someone will kill him and harvest the ivory from his mouth. Howard thanked Sal for coming in.
Howard played a bit the guys put together with the girls and a Inside the Actor's Studio clip. Howard said that as long as they're on that they're going to have a lot of Christmas song parodies over the next few weeks. Howard played a new song from Riley Martin about what a piece of shit Tim Sabean is. It was to the tune of ''Frosty the Snowman.'' Howard played another one where Riley sang about getting a raise. Howard said he loves the holidays. He played yet another one from Riley where he was reading a Christmas story about Tim Sabean.
Howard said he read an article about how he was keeping them guessing but that's just not true. Howard said that he had his agent tell them that he wasn't going to be there. Howard said they kept press releasing that they hoped that he'd show up. Howard read about how they quoted Bruce Dumont saying that he hoped he'd show up because he belongs in the hall of fame. Howard said he couldn't agree more about that.
Howard said he has received awards before. He said he got the Blockbuster Video award years ago. Howard said Don Imus was inducted 23 years ago into the radio hall of fame. Howard said he kicked Don Imus' ass in the ratings. Howard said he saw what Imus was doing before him and then what he did after Imus listened to his show. Howard said he wasn't doing anything before that.
Howard said he appreciates that he was inducted but they knew he wasn't coming. Howard read about some of the other inductees and said he hasn't heard of most of them. Howard read through a bunch of the names and there were a lot of people inducted. Howard read that he did the same thing to Talkers when they gave him an award too. Howard said that George Takei showed up to accept on his part. They were talking about how he wants his ass kissed and the act is getting old. Howard said that guy started attacking him when he left terrestrial radio. He said that magazine must be paid for by terrestrial radio. The writer said that Howard should give back and show up. Howard said that guy is a fuck and going to the radio hall of fame isn't giving back. He said giving back is keeping his people jobs. He said that's what he's been doing.
Howard said that this whole notion that he didn't let them know what he was doing is ridiculous. Howard said he's not ungrateful for the award. Howard said he appreciates the Talkers award too. He said that he didn't go to it because he doesn't know what it is. He said it's like someone asking him to just show up at their house.
Howard said he doesn't know anything about this radio hall of fame or who the guy is that runs it. Howard said that he doesn't feel gracious toward the radio hall of fame if they waited this long to put him in. Howard said that it's no different than the guy in Brooklyn who started the Brooklyn radio hall of fame.
Howard said he doesn't have time to research it either. He said he's too busy doing radio to research what it is.
Bobo interrupted and Howard had to yell at him. Howard said all Bobo cares about is being on the air and staying on the air. Howard said he doesn't even know what the hell he's talking about. Bobo said that Howard was a slam dunk and he would have gotten it if he had showed up. Howard said that all 7 of the inductees get in. He doesn't win anything over the rest of them. Howard said he's not being a pompous dick. He said it's a simple fact that this Dumont guy has been around for years and he's had his fun tweaking him every year. Howard said he nominates people who are barely in the business. Howard said they would nominate him and then take it away. Howard said the radio hall of fame Twitter account has 137 followers. He said that's a joke.
Howard said that he's not going to fly to Chicago to get inducted into something where the guy who runs it has shit all over him for years. Howard said the guy has nominated all kinds of people and then saying that Howard Stern was passed over by their board. Howard asked what board that is. He said it's just insane and so stupid. Howard said everyone is so dumb in radio.
Howard said he saw this computer thing that was really cool. He said that we're getting up to the point of Star Trek kind of stuff. Howard said the iPad is like the Tricorder on Star Trek. Howard said he saw this thing where these scientists were demonstrating this language thing that would let the person speak one language and let him speak in Chinese. Howard said as the guy spoke his voice was translated into Chinese. Howard said we are on our way to being like that Star Trek thing. Howard said the first thing we should do on this planet is speak one language. Howard said more people speak English than any other language. Howard said that we already have a lot that speak the language. He said we will have to have this thing that will let you talk to people in their own language. Howard said the world is set up the wrong way. He said it's stupid that we have different languages.
Howard got back to Bobo and told him that he didn't diss the radio hall of fame. Howard said that this guy press released that he kept them waiting when that's not true. Howard said they played a game with him for a long time keeping him out of their party. Howard said he's had enough of that in his career. He said in their mind he ruined radio and that's the way they treat him. Howard said back before he started it was all about those awful radio voices. He said he came along and changed things. Howard said he's not going to show up for something like that. He said that he'd end up shitting on stage if he did show up. Howard said he's shocked that they fooled Geraldo into thinking this was a legitimate thing.
Howard said that this is an award from a guy who lives in a basement somewhere in Chicago. Howard said there are no experts in radio.
Bobo asked how many awards he's gotten. Howard said he has a lot. He said he hangs them on his wall. He said he thinks they look kind of cool hanging up. He said some of them are total bullshit. He said probably 99 percent of them are bullshit. He said they give you a plaque and you get to hang it up. Howard said there are no credible radio awards. He said he would win Billboard and Radio & Record awards and those are legitimate. Howard said that he didn't disrespect anyone, they disrespected him. Howard said giving back is getting people jobs in broadcasting. He said that's what they should be doing.
Howard said that this Talkers magazine used to write nice things about him but once he left terrestrial they started writing shit about him. He said that it was so obvious that the magazine is run by terrestrial. He said that Radio & Record was a great magazine. He said that's how he found his first job. He said he would read the magazine and he would look for jobs. Howard said he would even go to Alaska to get a job if he could get one in radio. Howard said he thought about going up there.
Howard said there was a great episode of the old Superman TV show where Superman had to fly to Alaska to deliver a pie. He said that the whole thing was so retarded but that was his vision of Alaska. He said it looked miserable. Robin said there was like one house and only that one person up there. Howard said snow would blow in every time he opened his door. Howard said he didn't want to move up there when he saw that.
Howard said he remembers reading the ad for the morning guy at WCCC. Howard said he made a demo tape and sent it to the guy. Howard said that he was told he had to come up for an audition so he did that. Howard said he got his audition and hoped that he could get it without the audition. Howard said he did the audition tape and sent it in but it was awful. Howard said the guy at the station told him to forget it. Howard said he wrote a note and begged him to give him another opportunity. Howard said he flunked the audition. Howard said that's what he tells the kids on America's Got Talent. He said you can't give up after just one audition. Howard said he wrote to the guy and told him that he had never auditioned before. He said the guy let him try again and he played Stevie Wonder and did a talk up. He said that his favorite color was corduroy and that was funny to the guy. He said Bill Nozzle heard something in that delivery and he hired him to be the morning man. Robin said that's pretty amazing that he failed his first audition and then got hired.
Howard said he showed up to work and it was so bad. Bobo said the rest is history. Howard said he went to Detroit after that and that was even worse. Howard said that things finally got better in his 50s and then things got shitty again. He said he's hoping that things will get better again before the end.
Ronnie said that they are doing the odd and even thing in New York now and he tried to get gas and he had to wait just 5 minutes. He said the 24 hour stations are closed now. He said they're not getting deliveries. He said they get lunatics lining up to get 4 gallons of gas. Fred said that there are people selling things on the side and filling up a few gallons.
Gary said there are special lines for first responders and one guy faked it and got arrested. That's a felony too so the guy is in big trouble. Gary said that people are filling up their cans and stuff and people are just getting crazy over it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that both of the terminals in their area were decimated by the storm. He said they can't get gasoline out of the terminals so that's what's holding things up. He said they're bringing gasoline from Massachusetts and other states. He said there just isn't gas in the local area. Howard said he's not sure how they do it but they just expect it to be there.
Ronnie said he knows a guy on Twitter who posted a picture of the gas tankers waiting to fill up. The caller said that anyone trying to get gas has to go to just a couple of terminals. He said that's why there are lines. Howard said that you'd think the government would step in and do something. Robin said it's still a matter of getting it there by truck.
Howard asked Ronnie if his moustache is wider now. Ronnie said he let it grow. Ronnie said this guy on Twitter said things won't get back to normal with the gas until Christmas time.
Howard asked Ronnie about how he shaves his moustache and his soul patch. He said it must be a lot of work. Ronnie said that it's all one thing but it is a lot of work. He said he's like Edward Scissorhands. Robin said he must have to shampoo his whole face. Ronnie said he does. Howard said he has more hair on his face than he does on his head. Ronnie said he does. Howard said he shaves once a week now. He said he is in radio so he doesn't have to look good. Howard said he's told he looks disgusting when he doesn't shave but he doesn't think so. Howard said that his agent told him that he looked like shit so he was shaving lately.
Ronnie and Howard talked about Sons of Anarchy and some other shows they've been watching. Howard said he watched Boardwalk Empire last night. He said that was great. Ronnie said The Walking Dead was great too. He said he wasn't going to spoil anything by talking about it though. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that the big news over the weekend was about General Petraeus. He said that the NY Post called him General Betrayus. Howard said that it's like no one at the Post has ever had an affair. Robin said this young woman came in to write a biography about him and she fell in love and the next thing you know they're in bed. Howard said that the wife got old and frumpy looking. Robin said they put out 10 million unflattering pictures of her. Howard said that they put out pictures of her when she was young and then current pictures. They don't say anything but you know what they're doing. Howard said that the younger woman was hot. Howard said you look at the guy and wonder how he kept it together so long.
Howard asked Robin if that's worse or is it worse when you're Maria Shriver and you see who Arnold slept with. Howard said that Maria must think she's shitty in bed or that she has a bad smell or something. Howard said that it must be worse for Maria.
Howard said he read about a female employee of Waffle House who says that she was forced to perform sexual acts to keep her job for 10 years. Howard said just imagine you have to keep your job at Waffle House by doing that. Howard said that he hasn't demanded any sexual acts from Robin at all. He said you'd think she'd do something for this job. Howard said maybe just a hand job. Robin said that's crazy to go through 10 years of sexual harassment for a job at Waffle House.
Howard said this law passed for porn stars in Los Angeles to wear condoms. Howard said there are going to be surprise inspections at the shoots from what he read.
Howard said Germaine Jackson is changing his name to Germaine Jacksun. Howard said that's going to be a game changer for him. Howard said that the three people who love his music won't be able to find it now. Howard said he's actually doing it because it's going to make him eclipse Michael Jackson because he'll have a different last name.
Howard said he's going to miss the election because of all of the coverage the news channels were doing. Howard said he liked the way they were trying to figure out who was going to win. Howard said it was much easier to figure out who won than they thought it was going to be.
Howard said he read something about Charlie Sheen threatening to shoot a guy to death. Howard asked if that's true. Benjy said there was a former employee of Charlie's who said that he saw a text he sent about an assault weapon. Howard said that story could be bullshit if Benjy and Sal are telling him about it.
Howard said that he likes that Rihanna and Chris Brown did a duet of a song called ''Nobody's Business.'' Howard said it actually is everyone's business. He said that when you need help them it's everyone's business. Howard said people who are obese think it's nobody's business but it is because we have to pay their medical bills. Howard said it's the same with smokers because we have to pay the bills for their medical problems. Howard said Rihanna says it's no one's business what she does with Chris Brown.
Howard said they tweeted out a comparison of Ronnie's moustache from last year and now. He said you'll see how much bigger it is. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie worships Chuck Zito and that's why he's growing this thing. Ronnie came in an said that Chuck's isn't anything like his and he has had it longer than Chuck has. Howard said he must have a man crush on someone. Fred asked if it's the guy from American Chopper. Ronnie said he doesn't even watch that show. Howard said he thinks it's Chuck Zito. Ronnie said no and insisted that he didn't do it for anyone.
Howard said he heard that the new Lincoln movie is really good. He said he heard Sal wants to see it to see how Lincoln solved the Cuban Missile Crisis.
Howard said that this whole Petraeus thing is crazy. He said everything is about pussy. Robin said that they said that the relationship was over but the woman was still emailing another woman and threatening her. Howard said that he and Ratso Sloman kept their affair out of the news. He said that General Petraeus should have stuck to AshleyMadison.com.
Howard said that Florida still can't figure out who won the election there. He said that they should secede from the union. Howard said that Mitt Romney had all of those big celebrities behind him and now he's just going to disappear. Howard said that he told Scott DePace he should start a ''legitimate rape'' party for 2016. Howard said they really have to get off of that kind of stuff and get away from the nudnicks.
Howard said Romney didn't win because he didn't go over very well with women. Howard said that Jesse James is better liked by women than Mitt Romney. Howard said women determined the election. Howard said all he heard for a year or two that Ohio was the big deal. He said as soon as the election is over the news trucks peel out of there faster than JD's mom. Gary said it was like they were electing the president of Ohio.
Howard said that there was a story about the people in Mississippi sending out the most racist tweets after the election.
Howard said he has a couple of games to play. He said he has The Dumb Argument Game. He said that they asked their wives what their dumbest argument was about. Howard said he has another one where they disgusted people's voices on the show and you have to guess whose voice it is. Howard played one where the person was talking about what they don't like about Howard. Robin said that sounds like Gary to her. Howard said it could be Fred too. The person complained about Howard glazing over and not paying attention to what you're telling him. Howard said he wishes that he could just tell people to tighten up the story. Howard said he apologizes to anyone he's ever done that to. Gary said that clip was him. Fred said that Howard has done that to him too. He said he thinks Howard wants to hear himself talk. Howard said he's right about that. He said he'll cop to that.
Howard said that he's sorry if he changes subjects on people. Gary said that's not what it is though. Howard said that's what he just said it was. Gary said it's more than that though.
Howard said this Chris Brown is doing the strangest things. He said that he dressed up like a terrorist for Halloween. Howard said that this song that Chris and Rihanna put out is strange. He said that these things are their business so the song is just wrong. They sing about how it's nobody's business.
Howard said he can't believe that Honey Boo Boo was allowed to move on to another grade. He said you can't even understand what that family is saying. Gary said there are a lot of TV shows with Hillbilly in the tittle these days.
Howard played another one of the Guess the Voice game clips. Howard played the clip of the disguised voice talking about him and how he praises Lisa G too much. Howard guessed it was Scott DePace or Scott the Engineer. It turns out it was Jon Leiberman. Howard asked Jon to come in. Sal came in and said that he was the one who recorded these things and Jon said that he wanted to take that book Lisa G is coming out with and shove it up her cunt.
Jon came in and tried to tell Howard about that day but he was cracking up so much he couldn't get the story out. Jon eventually calmed down and said Lisa had been talking about that book and how they should be interviewing her bus driver about taste testing the cookies and stuff she was going to have in her cook book. Jon said that Sal just got him on a day when he was fed up. He said they were hearing about her book and her cookies. He said that he is excited about reading the book but they're tired of hearing about it.
Gary said Lisa brought him Peanut Butter cookies this morning and she said she's going to pout that recipe in the book. Gary said he has another story that he really didn't want to talk about on the air.
Howard played another voice game clip where the person said he hates when Howard calls him fat. Howard guessed it was JD. Gary said it wasn't him. Howard eventually guessed it was Tim Sabean. Gary said it was Tim.
Howard asked where Lisa is and asked why she's still adding recipes. Howard said no one really cares about her book. Lisa came in and said that she really doesn't talk about her book that much. She said Jon is talking about what's going on with his house more than she talks about her book. Howard said no one is going to buy her book. Lisa said that she went into this book thing thinking it was going to be for women. Howard said he's just trying to take the pressure off of Lisa's back. Howard said he didn't mean to insult her.
Lisa told Howard that he did a great job with the cover. Howard said if the book is good then it'll sell a ton. Howard said he wasn't very convincing with that.
Howard said when people see her on the cover with the big titties then the book will sell. He asked if she liked the mock up that he did. She said she liked it very much. Howard said he had a tag line of ''The ABC's of Double D's'' on the cover. He said Lisa didn't like that though. Howard said that he will promote her book and she'll do well. He said if it's marketed properly it'll do well.
Howard said he's not sure what sex stories she's going to have. He said that it might just be the story of her parents having sex to have her. Lisa said there are sexy stories. Howard imagined what some of those stories might be. He and Fred threw a couple of short stories about her seeing people put their hand on her knee and stuff like that.
Howard said he likes Lisa and he hopes her book does well. He said he had fun shooting her photo for the cover. Howard asked how the book people liked it. Lisa said they loved it.
Howard asked Lisa if she had any good headlines. Lisa said she interviewed Bruno Mars and told him that Howard is a fan. Howard said he said a lot more than what she told him. Howard ended up playing the Howard 100 News clip where Lisa told Bruno about his praising him about his Saturday Night Live appearance and Bruno didn't sound like he was impressed with that. Howard said he said a lot more than Lisa told him he did. Howard told Lisa to go back and work on her book. Lisa said she had more headlines. Lisa said that he guy who plays Darrell Dixon (Norman Reedus) on The Walking Dead is a big Howard Stern fan. She said that he would like Howard to be a zombie in the show. Howard said that won't happen. Lisa said they also found Evan Metropolis who gave them an update on what he's been up to. Lisa said they lost one of the oldest Howard Stern fans. She died at 99 years old. Robin said that Grandma Lucente is what she was known as. Howard had no idea who she was talking about. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that this is a guy who has lived a crazy Hollywood Life. Howard said that his book ''Bond On Bond: Reflections on 50 years of James Bond Movies'' is in stores now. Howard said that he's actually Sir Roger Moore so that must be something. Howard asked if that can get you laid being a knight. Roger said of course it can. Howard asked if he likes the monarchy. Roger said that he is a monarchist and he knows they don't agree with that over here. He said that he knows that because their language has gone down hill since then. Howard said he's right about that. He said he watches this Honey Boo Boo and he's right. Roger had Howard try to say ''Thank you your majesty.'' Howard tried it and said it felt good.
Howard asked Roger how he's doing at 85 years old. Roger said he was 58 when he played his last Bond movie. He said that he knew it was bad when he had three chins when he bent over to kiss a girl.
Howard asked if he made a lot of money playing Bond. Roger said he thinks they're more generous today. He said that he is comfortable though. Howard said the world started to know him as an actor from that. Roger said he had a very long career. He said he did lots of films. Howard said Roger's wife told him that he didn't have the face for an actor. Howard asked what she did. Roger said she was an ice skater. Howard said she belittled him. Roger said that's what women do. Robin said he said that his wife was abusive to him. Roger said that she threw a tea pot at him but she wasn't really abusive.
Howard said Roger is a very handsome man and he must have gotten hit on by men and women. Howard asked if he was ever hit on like that. Roger asked if Howard was hitting on him. Howard said he might be. Roger said that there were people who came on to him and they would touch his rear end and things. He said he would jokingly tell them to keep their hands off of him.
Howard asked if Roger was typecast after the Bond movies. Roger said there was a bit of that. He said that he's always the same anyway. He said he doesn't really change. He said he did love playing James Bond. He said he loved working with basically the same crew for 14 years or so. Howard said he seems like a well connected guy and it seems like he enjoyed it.
Roger said that he had one friend in Hollywood before he got there. He said his name was Jeff Hunter. He said he was at FOX. He said that he was there to keep Robert Wagner in his place. Roger said that he picked him up to go to Rhonda Fleming's house for dinner. Howard didn't know who he was talking about. Robin said she was a big star. Howard said he was thinking of Peggy Fleming.
Roger said that they got to the house and it looked like something from Gone with the Wind. He said that this wonderful red head showed up and said ''I'm Rhonda Fleming'' and Roger said he just said ''I know.'' Howard asked if he banged her. Roger said that he did not.
Howard said Roger was married 4 times. He asked if he has lost more than half his fortune. Roger said he would supposed he did. Howard asked if that kills him. Roger said that he finds it difficult saying no. He said the flesh is weak. Howard asked if he was wiped out of all of that James Bond money. Roger said that he wasn't wiped out, he thinks that ''cleaned out'' is more appropriate.
Howard asked Roger if he likes these new Bond movies. Roger said that after seeing Skyfall he has to say that Daniel Craig is the real James Bond. Howard said he read that he didn't watch any of the other Bond movies until 2008. Roger said they were talking about the 50th anniversary of the movies and he had to catch up. Robin asked who he thinks is the worst Bond. Roger said he won't play that game. Then he said ''Me!''
Howard said that when you get to Hollywood you can't just walk in and not abide by the rules. Roger said he was a B-list celebrity and he gradually changed and he went back to Europe. He said he did four pictures with MGM. He said he worked with Elizabeth Taylor. Howard asked if he made out with her in the film. Roger said she was gorgeous and he would compare her to their queen.
Howard said he read some of the stories about working with Elizabeth Taylor and also one about Don Rickles insulting a mob guy and having to beg the guy not to kill him. Howard asked if Rickles made fun of him that night. Roger said he did. Howard said that Frank Sinatra was a little weird. Roger said he was one of the great men. Howard said he felt he was a bit of a bully. He said that Frank would bully people around him. Roger said he wasn't a bully. Howard said he got the impression he was.
Roger said he is 85 and the memory goes a bit. He said that he did a movie many years ago and there was one actor in the movie, That Lucky Touch, who had a heart attack. He said Frank worked on that film and he called the actor at the hospital. Roger said that Frank told him not to worry about the bills. Howard said that's pretty awesome. Robin said the actor was Lee J. Cobb.
Howard asked if it's true that he can't remember the number of women he's slept with. Roger said that he never said that.
Roger told Howard about Hervé Villechaize and how he once told him that he had 54 women... in one weekend. He said that it wasn't fair because he paid for them all though.
Howard said that Roger's father was abusive according to his book. Roger said that was back in the 1930s. He said his father was a policeman. He said he wasn't mean to him though. Howard said that he was given to another family during the war. Roger said they were evacuated in 1939. He said that they were shipped off to Germany. Howard said that family was mean to him too. Roger said that it was a lady and the boys at the house. He said they were mean. Howard said that was a pretty shitty start to his life.
Howard said he heard about some of the kids who would hold him against a wall and pee between his legs. Howard asked Roger if he ever runs into any of these people who mistreated him as a boy. Roger said they're all dead now. He said he never ran into them after what they did to him.
Howard asked Roger if he ever got into smoking weed. Roger said he didn't. He said he did drink though. Howard asked if he ever tried coke. Roger said he never did that kind of thing. He asked if Howard thinks he would confess to anything like that here. Howard said it's not like he's going to get in trouble over it.
Roger asked how he knows so much about him. Howard said he's an important man and he studied him. Howard said he bows to him.
Howard asked Roger to tell him about the pay scale for the Bond movies. Howard asked what his biggest check was. Roger said that he never saw his paychecks. He said when you start out as an actor you don't make a lot of money. He said he eventually made some good money and bought cigarettes that were more expensive than the stuff he used to smoke. He said he would show off with that. He said he was very happy doing that.
Howard asked if Roger's father thought he was in a sissy kind of job. Roger said that they were the opposite. He said they were very supportive of his work. He said that his mother would ask him why he didn't have a regular job though.
Howard said he would like to sit for hours and talk to Roger about his sexual experiences. Howard said he did a movie where he had scenes with women and he would be erect the whole time. Howard asked Roger if he ever got erections. Roger said he never did. Howard told him about the scene he did in ''Private Parts'' where he was in a bathtub and had to stand up in his underwear. He said he had an erection so he had to cover it up when he stood up.
Howard asked Roger if he was embarrassed by the size of his penis in love scenes. Roger said he absolutely was. Howard said he is too. Roger said he can hear the women laughing at Howard from 3,000 miles away.
Howard asked about Elton John being his friend and if he's a good guy. Roger said he is a good guy. Howard asked if he sits and has conversations with him. He said he never gets invited to anything like that. Roger said maybe that's because he's famous for getting erections.
Howard said he read about Roger going to see Lenny Bruce live once and his wife sat there and heckled the guy. Howard asked if he was mortified. Roger said he was. He said that they it was a Sunday night and Lenny called her a four letter word. Howard asked if it was ''cunt.'' Roger said he doesn't say that but that's what it was. Howard asked why he would focus on his wife like that. Roger said he thinks that she was focusing on him. He said that he said something about the London Palladium and she said that he wished that he could be there. Robin asked if he is a bad judge of women. Roger said he's not because he has the most beautiful wife now.
Howard asked Roger about Cary Grant being his friend. Howard said he read that he was a fart joke guy. Roger said Cary would go to see his mother and one day they were in the car and she asked him why he won't dye his hair. She told him that it makes her look old.
Howard asked if Cary was gay or straight. Roger said he was straight and any good looking man gets that. Howard said that's why he's never been accused of being gay.
Howard said Steven Spielberg wanted to direct a Bond film but he went off and did Raiders of the Lost Ark instead. Roger said he bumped into him in London and talked to him about that. Roger said that Steven wanted a piece of the movie and MGM wouldn't give it to him.
Howard said Roger has a million stories. Robin asked if he keeps in touch with Sean Connery. Howard said he read that he can't understand a word he says. Roger did his impression of Connery saying that he's Bond.
Howard asked if his life has been good. Roger said he had it pretty easy if he looks at it in retrospect. Howard gave him some more plugs for his book. Howard said the Bond movie made $83 million in its first weekend here in the States. Roger said that franchise has gone on for a long time and it has legs.
Howard asked Roger about coming in and replacing Sean Connery. He asked if he watched the box office when the movie came out. Roger said he didn't but luckily the movie did very well.
Howard said Roger has done it all now that he's 85. Roger said he has been a goodwill ambassador for UNICEF for the past 21 years. Howard asked if that's a drag. Roger said it's not at all. Howard asked if those pennies get to people for real when he donates. Roger said that the money goes to all areas. Howard said he's going to go to heaven for that. Roger said he doesn't think so. Howard asked if he believes in God. Roger said he does. Howard said he hasn't helped anyone so he may not get into heaven. Roger said he doesn't think there is a heaven or a hell.
Howard asked Roger if he goes to funerals for his friends. He asked who had the best funeral. Roger said that Audrey Hepburn's was very good. Howard asked if he ever banged her. Roger said Howard is obsessed. Roger said that he was brought into UNICEF by Audrey. He said that at the funeral her son said that Audrey had her kids sit by the bed so she could read them something. Roger recited this long story that she told her kids about helping people.
Howard said that was beautiful. Howard said they should have had him do that and read it at the funeral. Howard said it was really beautiful. Robin said that was touching. She said she's going to try and live by that advice. Howard said he will too but in 10 minutes he'll probably forget.
Howard said it was an honor getting to meet Roger. Robin asked who Roger would like to see rule England next. Roger said he would like to see Prince Charles. He said he knows Prince Charles. Howard wrapped up and thanked Roger for coming in. He said it was an honor to have him there. Roger said now he has done it all after being there with him. Howard gave Roger some more plugs and then went to break.
Howard said he has some show notes and channel notes. Howard said they have a show where one of the staff members talks about their favorite songs. Fred did one of those and so did Gary. Howard said JD was supposed to go next but Scott the engineer begged Tim to do the next one. Howard said Scott thinks that he's a musician or something and he will be on tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard said Scott has scripted himself and you can hear him reading his lines. Howard said he prepared a document and went by that. Howard said Scott completely produced this thing and edited it up like no one else's special. Howard said he wondered why Scott didn't do this with the other specials.
Howard played a clip of Scott's music special where he talked about playing drums and how tough that was living in a small garden apartment. Howard pointed out how he's reading in that clip.
Howard said Scott is a bore. He said he loves the guy but he's a bore. Howard replayed the clip and Scott was talking about his drum playing and how his parents and the neighbors put up with it. Scott talks up a song and what it meant to him. Howard said this isn't what he wanted this show to be. He said he just wanted guys on the show playing the music they like. He said he didn't want all of this production and scripting.
Scott said that this is what the show is supposed to be. He said he didn't produce the other shows either. He said that was Steve Brandano. Howard said Steve should have done this one too.
Scott said he scripted the show because he didn't like the way it sounded. He said he gave it to Tim and Steve after that. He said they could have had him do it over. Howard said this is so ridiculous.
Howard played another clip where Scott talked about his band. Howard cut it off and said that Scott put so much effort into this show. Howard said he says no one will listen to it. Howard said ''It's not you, Scott.'' Howard did his impression of Scott reading his lines and said that's just not him. He said he's not fooling anyone.
Howard played more of Scott talking about how his band's name was Black Sabbath but then a few months later they found out that there was a band named Black Sabbath already. They had to change the name of the band. Howard said that it's obvious that one of the guys in the band knew about Black Sabbath and they stole it. Then in the clip Scott said ''Here's the band that stole'd our band's name...'' Howard caught him on that and goofed on him about his screw up. Howard did his impression of Scott for a few seconds and said that he might have to listen to this special.
Howard played another over produced clip where Scott was playing Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech and talking about how turbulent the 1960s were. Howard cut it off again and asked Scott where he ''stole'd'' that from. Scott said he didn't steal it from anywhere. Scott was talking about the 1960s and giving a history lesson. Howard asked Scott if he does anything about the moon landing. Scott said he did not. There were no moon songs.
Howard said this isn't what the show is supposed to be. He said you should just talk about the song and what it means to him. He said it shouldn't be a history lesson. Howard asked if he has to run every show around there. Howard said that he's not going to miss this show tonight. Howard said it might be the longest hour of his life though. Gary said he would put the CD in his bag today.
Howard said this special reminds him why he doesn't want to talk to Scott. Howard said that he talks about Black Sabbath and he doesn't want to hear that. Howard did more of his impression and talked up that protest song ''Great American Eagle Tragedy'' by Earth Opera. Howard said Scott is just showing off he knew an obscure song like that. Howard kept going with his Scott impression and talking about his hair loss and how that should have been what the special was. He said that he should have shared songs based on how much hair he had.
Howard said Scott probably had thoughts that this would lead to him having voice overs and stuff. He and Fred both did their Scott impressions and kept goofing on him. Howard was doing his ''Chh'' sounds over and over. Fred joined in and did his too. They were actually doing songs with those sounds and saying that Scott inspired some bands with that sound.
Howard said he can't wait for the special. Howard asked Robin where she's going to be. Robin said she'll be sitting by the fire listening. Howard thanked Scott for putting that together. Scott said he's sure it'll give him plenty of material. Howard asked what he ends the show with. Scott asked if he wants him to give it away. Howard said maybe not. Scott said the band is The Vagrants. Howard said he must have been joking. He and Robin both said they know that band. Howard said that was Leslie West's first band. Howard said everyone has heard of them. Scott said he plays ''And When it's Over'' as his last song. Howard said he gets it.
Howard said he heard that Scott plays the full 10 minutes of that Great American Eagle Tragedy song. Scott said he did cut a little bit out of the start so it's about 9 minutes and some. Howard let Scott go after that.
Howard said that Roger Moore was a good guest. Howard said that he thought he did a fine job as James Bond and Robin didn't like that. Robin said that she thought it was an abomination. Howard said he's glad she contained herself. Robin said he's a lovely gentleman but she agrees with him about his career being mostly luck. Robin said he's always the same character in anything he does. Robin said that she disagrees that Skyfall is the best Bond movie too. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break.
Howard said he can do a trick for Robin now. He said he had to think of one. Howard said he'll stand up and Fred will pick someone who works there but not in that room. Howard told him to name the name. Fred said Tim Sabean. Howard said he has had no contact with Tim today at all. He had Gary bring Tim in and had him stand still. Howard asked Tim if he had touched him today at all. Tim said he has not. Howard asked if he has had any conversations with him today at all. Tim said no. Howard said he will walk around Tim three times and not touch him. Howard walked around Tim and Robin said it takes a long time to walk around him. Howard walked around him twice. Howard said he still hasn't touched him. Howard asked Tim if he is carrying a wallet. Tim said yes but then said no. Howard asked where it is. Tim said he was carrying one today. Tim checked and it was gone. Howard said Tim says that he had one but he did not touch him. Howard said he had three objects on his desk. He asked him to pick one. Tim picked a bag and in the bag was Tim's wallet. Howard said that is better than any magic trick they've ever seen.
Robin asked when he went and get his wallet. Howard said he didn't have any time to do that. Howard said all he did was pee. Howard said he won't tell her how he did it. Howard said he just did it. Howard said you can see that magic trick on Howard TV. He said that he gave up magic when he was 15. He said he defies anyone to duplicate that trick. He said he can't say how he did it. He said he spent years perfecting it and realized it was a no-win situation. He said it almost drove him insane.
Howard said the gift was extra difficult because Tim has a metal wallet. He said he has never done that with a metal wallet. Howard said he thought he blew it. Howard asked why he has a metal wallet. Tim said he wanted one that was water proof on his motorcycle trips so that's why he has one.
Howard let Tim go and said he loves magic. Robin asked what he did. Howard said he won't say at what point it went down because that would ruin the illusion. Howard said he practiced that trick for years. He said that he would do it with a dummy to practice the moves. Howard said he would do it with his Jerry Mahoney doll. Howard said he practiced the circling move. Howard said he once removed his mother's bra while she was wearing it.
Howard said he's glad Robin enjoyed that trick. He said the hardest part was actually circling Tim. Robin asked if he could do that trick again. Howard said he could do that again but it's time for news. He said it would also be tough to pull off with camera's rolling now that they know what the trick is. Howard asked it they caught anything with the first time. Scott DePace said they didn't see it. He said it'll be up on Howard TV tomorrow night.
Fred, as Scott the Engineer, said he's going to do a magic trick and make all of their listeners disappear tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Robin read about how Jon Stewart showed up with a car full of stuff to help people in the hurricane. Howard said he doesn't think the Red Cross likes that. Howard said he was out all weekend handing out stuff but he keeps it quiet. Howard said he did the same thing. Robin said Ross and Melissa did the same thing. Howard said he was with Ross. He said they handed out stuff all over New York and the tri-state area. Howard said they were as far as the Catskills. Howard said Jon Stewart press released it and he didn't.
Howard said he's a skinny guy and he can't really see his penis. He said that he loves that Roger Moore told them that he has a small penis.
Howard said he was reading an article about Conan O'Brien's and they said that he should get over Jay Leno stealing his job. Howard said he likes when Conan brings that stuff up. Howard said that stuff is still funny to him. He said that this writer was upset with Conan for still talking about it. Howard said he thinks it would be bogus if Conan didn't talk about it. He said Conan is still upset about it.
Howard had Fred play Robin into her news with a song parody to the tune of Psy's ''Gangnam Style'' by a guy named Kim.
Robin read that Paul McCartney was involved in a helicopter accident. Robin said they almost lost another Beatle. Robin said the pilot struggled to keep control of the helicopter and it brushed some treetops. Robin said that the commander became disoriented and tried aborting landing. Then he flew 15 miles to an airport. Robin said when you can't see you don't know where you are. Howard said it sounds like he did his thing and recovered. Robin said he did. Robin said they ended up taking a car to the estate. Howard said he hates helicopters. He said they scare him. He said the blades on top don't seem right. Gary said that being in a helicopter can be really stupid. He said he flew out with Artie and Ralph once to see a concert. He said that the pilot told them that when you're in the clouds things can get kind of crazy. Gary said the guy went into this dive and he was about to throw up. He said the pilot had to pull out of it because it was too dangerous. He said the guy was showing off for Artie. Howard said he would have gotten out of there. Howard read a live commercial after that.
During the commercial Howard talked to Gary about how he gave his son condoms when he went off to college. Gary said he gave him about 4 and his wife was against it at first. Howard said that he is a really good father. He said his father never had that kind of conversation with him. After the commercial Howard said he heard that DePace was against him saying that Gary is a good dad. Howard said he's not sure what Scott is like as a dad. He just knows that he hit his dog with a newspaper when it did something wrong. Scott said he hasn't done that in over a year. Gary said Scott thinks that everything is a competition.
Howard played a bit the guys put together where they have a kid playing Scott's son and saying that there won't be any toys under the tree if Obama wins.
Gary told Howard that this all got started when he was walking to work to Scott one day and Scott went golfing instead of taking his sick son to the doctor. Scott said he just had a cold and he knew it. He said they took him to the doctor and that's exactly what it was.
Scott said he plays video games with his kids. Howard said that's something Scott likes. He said that's not a good example. Howard said he played games with his kids too and it was fun. He said that's the easy stuff.
Gary said that Scott has to call an in-law to come over and help out with the kids when his wife goes away. Scott said that his wife is the one who calls, not him. Howard said Scott is not as good as a father as Gary is. Howard said he can just tell. Scott said he doesn't know that. Howard said he does know. He said he's not as great as Gary as a father. Robin said a lot of men don't make great fathers. Howard said no one knows how to be a great father. Howard said Fred is a great father too. He said he knows he's in love with his daughter. Fred said he would take her to the doctor. Howard said he knows he would. Howard read another live commercial after that. He brought up Gary and his son again. Gary asked him to please stop because his wife will get upset. Howard asked if he got the call already. Gary said not yet but he's sure he will.
Robin read about how David Letterman is going to be interviewing Oprah Winfrey for Ball State University. Robin said that it's just for the school as far as she knows. Robin said that they did sell out the tickets. Howard wondered why he'd be doing that if it's not helping someone. Fred said he thinks they charged for tickets.
Robin read about a guy who helped save people in hurricane Sandy. Robin said that they were able to tie some electrical cords together to escape some flood waters. Robin said that his name was Michael MacDonald. Robin said he had to tie a bunch of knots and she's not sure she'd be able to do that. Robin said the guy is thinking of going around to show people how to do this themselves if they're ever in that situation.
Robin read about how people are fed up with the electric situation on Long Island. Robin said that LIPA is saying that they should have 90 percent of people back up by tomorrow. Robin said the death toll is rising too. Robin said they found a 77 year old man at the bottom of his steps. Robin read about some other things going on with the hurricane. Robin said another storm is on its way too. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of a meteorologist talking about a storm in the mid-West that's heading out to the East coast. Robin said the temperatures are going to be dropping in their area this week.
Robin read about how coffee beans and how the climate change could make them very hard to find. Robin said that a study was done that found that they could be wiped out by 2080.
Robin read about the votes in Colorado and Washington that made recreational marijuana legal. Howard said it's so ridiculous to lock people up over that drug. He said it should be legalized. Howard said he doesn't understand how the states can override the federal laws. Gary said that they aren't overriding it. They could come in at any second and close it down.
Howard asked Gary why his face is scratched up. Gary said he doesn't know. He couldn't see it. Howard said he has a big scratch on his face. Robin said maybe it's a pen drawing. Howard said Gary has to shave right up to his eyeballs so maybe he cut himself. Gary said it might be a weird angle. He said he can't see anything. Howard said maybe it's the camera. He had Gary come in so he could look at him. There was nothing there. Howard said Gary really does shave right up to his eyes. Gary said he does have to shave pretty high.
Robin said today was Veteran's day. Howard asked if it was really today. Robin said it might have been yesterday, she can't tell. Robin had some audio of Taps being played. Howard talked about how great our veterans are. Howard said he saw that movie Red Dawn and those kids were fighting the Koreans. Robin said that was fake.
Robin read some news about General Petraeus and what's going on with him. Robin said that there are a lot of questions about the timing of everything. She had some audio of some people talking about that. They spent a few minutes talking about that story.
Robin read about how the President is going to have meetings with some people about the budget deficit. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Paul McCartney impression with a helicopter sound playing in the background as he sang a song. Howard said he seems like he's about a mile away from the phone. He hung up on him in the middle of the song.
Robin read about the new Star Wars film that's going into production. Robin said that they are looking for a director for the film now.
Robin read about the new Twilight movie and how fans are camping out for that.
Robin read about Peyton Manning having a great year with the Denver Broncos. Robin read some details about that. Robin had some other details about the games that were played this weekend.
Robin read about the big auction in California where Judy Garland's dress was up for auction. Robin said that it sold for just under $500,000. Robin said she didn't have the final total there but it was just under half a million. Robin said that the owner bought it just a few years ago for $2,000.
Robin ended her news and Howard mentioned that the North Shore Animal League is looking for people to adopt pets from the hurricane. Howard said that they're open 7 days a week and they need to free up some space to rescue more animals. Howard said you can donate at AnimalLeague.org. Howard read about how they have 750 pets that they need to find homes for. Howard ended the show around 10:25am.
Jon asked how much work he put into that special. Scott said he put a lot of work into it. He said he put in a good 20 hours of work on it. Jon said he's been accused of not putting that much work into other stuff. Scott said that's not true. He said he has to do stuff faster for Howard's show and he didn't have to rush through this music special. He said he always makes sure that he makes it the best it can be. Jon said it did seem a bit more involved than his usual work. Scott said he did some other promos that took a lot of work.
Gary said that the guys wrote a storm bit and Scott had to do what he was told. He didn't have to write that. Scott said that's true but he has to do a lot of work on it.
Gary asked Scott about the songs he came up with and why he stuck with the Great American Eagle Tragedy. He asked if it was because he wanted to teach the audience about it. Scott said he wanted to go off and play stuff that people don't hear all the time. He said that he didn't want to stay in the mainstream.
Jon asked Scott how he came up with the 1960s being a turbulent time thing. Scott said that's what it was like as a teen growing up in the 60s. He also said he knows that the correct word is ''stole'' and he didn't mean to say ''stole'd.''
Jon asked Scott what other songs he'll be playing. Scott said he tells the story about his band playing for Cousin Brucie and that's pretty funny and interesting. Jon asked why Steve is rolling his eyes. Steve said he's not. He said the story actually is pretty interesting.
Jon said that Scott seems to be really fired up about this thing. He said that's not a common thing around there. They went to break a short time later.
Gary asked Scott if he knows anyone there who thinks that they're a shitty dad. Scott said that they might admit it if they were.
Scott said that he puts a lot of time into coaching his kids football teams and he plays games with them around the house. He said that he knows he's a good dad.
Gary said that his kids wanted to go to one of those museums that he hated going to. He said that it was boring as shit to him but he went and had fun with the kids even though he didn't like it. Scott said he's done things like that with his kids too. He said that he goes on the pumpkin rides with his kids and he hates it. He said he does it because he's doing it with his kids.
Scott kept correcting them when they'd say he was a good dad to ''I'm a GREAT dad.'' Gary said Jon goes to the Hannah Montana concerts and things like that with his daughters. Gary said that Jon has had to go to Disney on Ice with his kids while other dads get to go to football games and things like that. Jon doesn't mind it though.
Gary asked why they have to be in a competition about this stuff. Scott said that's what he's saying. Jon said he's competing with making the point now.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks Sal is a great dad. Scott said he really doesn't know but he could be. He said he doesn't know if Gary or Jon are good dads. Scott said he knows Gary hasn't hit his kids. Gary said he doesn't even know that.
Gary and Scott went back and forth on that and Scott was thinking that Gary brought up the better dad thing. Gary said that Howard was the one who brought it up and he didn't bring up the good parent thing. Gary said Scott thinks he's so good that he brought up the parenting thing so he could point out how bad he is. Gary said that's not what he does. Scott thought Howard wanted a way to play that bit he played during that discussion. Gary said he didn't give him a bit to go into.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the things Gary has done with his sons that makes him sound like a good dad. Scott had to tell the guys about what he does with his kids. He said that his son played a song on his iPod Touch and asked him if he could turn it off. He said his son said no so he just let him keep going. He said they were playing Halo at the time and he ended up shooting him instead.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked about how Scott would handle his son coming out as gay to him some day. Scott said he wouldn't be too happy but he would deal with it. The guys asked if he would walk him down the aisle if he got married to a gay guy some day. Scott said he would if he had to. He said that wasn't a very good hypothetical. They had to take another break after that.
Gary said they had 9 pages of notes about Roger. He said they had all kinds of information about who he loves and hates.
Jon said that Sal is there and asked him what he thinks about his teeth. Sal said Howard loves to nit pick and he puts you under a microscope. He said you can't compare his to Gary's. He said Gary's teeth look like busted toilet bowls. Gary said Sal can do his jokes all he wants but it's awesome to see him taking the shit he used to give him. Sal said it's a poor comparison.
Gary said when he got his laminates put on you have to match the color. Gary said he pointed to the whitest white ones and the dentist told him that would look ridiculous. Gary said Sal is like 3 shades from the full white. Sal said he thinks that's fine and he likes nice, white teeth. He said he didn't like his teeth and they were kind of oval and horsie-ish.
Gary said Sal has more vanity than most guys. He said he spends a lot of time on that and his hair and things like that. Gary said maybe they didn't look so bad and maybe he's hyper focused on his looks. Sal said he's had people make fun of his teeth in the past. He said when he was 14 he had horrible teeth and maybe that's why he projected on Gary. He said maybe that insecurity still lingers from those days.
Gary said he has caps on the front. He said he had stained teeth from tetracycline poisoning and he was never comfortable with them. He said he wishes that they were whiter but he'd never look like Sal. Sal said that Gary's don't look so bad now. He said that he must have done something to them. Gary said he hasn't done anything to them.
Jon said that Howard played the game today where he played clips of what annoys them most about Howard. Gary said that Robin kind of defended what he said about Howard zoning out. Fred did too. Gary said he was surprised by that. Gary said Howard just ignores people. He said Howard thinks that he changes subjects quickly but it's more than that.
Jon asked Sal if he was uncomfortable doing this with people. Sal said he was kind of apprehensive about it. He said people were very reluctant to do it. He said that he just let the tape roll. Gary said they did a bit years ago where they were going to take pictures of their balls and they bailed on it. He said Billy West was the only one who did it so he had a Polaroid of his balls in his desk for like a year. He said that's what happened with this bit. He said he was the only one who did it for about 4 days. He said they eventually got the ball rolling.
Sal said the one who was really reluctant was Benjy. He said Benjy never did it. Sal said Benjy really didn't want to do it so he didn't push him. He said Fred did it. He said everyone stepped up to the plate. He said there were a few surprises in there too.
Jon asked Sal about Jon Leiberman and talking about Lisa G. Sal said Leiberman mixed two stories up. He said that Lisa G is always in the back of Leiberman's head. He said that he came in and told Howard about shoving the book up her cunt and it was just one of the many days that he talked about Lisa being annoying. He said that he's in that mode 24 hours a day.
Steve Brandano said that they were told they had to do this game. He said that if Howard didn't guess who it was that they wouldn't tell him. He said that went out the window today. Sal said when four days pass and no one does it they have to get them to do it somehow. Gary said Howard was the one who said they had to do it. They had to do that because no one wanted to.
Jon Leiberman came in so Jon asked him if he thinks that Sal threw him under the bus today. Leiberman said that he did kind of. He said he's not pissed at Sal though. He said Lisa is annoying and he's not pissed at her either. He said that all she talks about is her book while the other people in there talk about other things. He said with Lisa it's just cookies and her book. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about doing ''Hey now!'' for four hours. He was doing it at the start of the show so he figured he'd try it for four hours. He gave up after another few seconds.
Howard said he had an interesting night last night. He said he's become quite fond of Bradley Cooper and he will be in tomorrow. Howard said the last time Bradley was on the show he was on with Dax Sheppard. Howard said he has been emailing Brad and he went to a movie screening of his called ''The Words.'' Howard said he was having his movie premiere last night with Robert De Niro and Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said he doesn't know who she is. Gary said she was in The Hunger Games. Howard said he saw that but he didn't remember her. He said she is cute. Howard said he thought that Hunger Games movie was awful. He said it was stupid.
Howard said Beth told him that she wanted to go to this premiere. He said he doesn't go out on Monday nights but he saw the disappointment on Beth's face. He said it's no barrel of monkeys being married to him. He said he's a disaster of a human being. Howard said no one likes him. He said the only people who do are Robin and Jimmy Kimmel. He said he asked Jimmy why he likes him because everyone else seems to be turned off. Howard said he goes out with people and he never hears from them again. He said that's not really true but it has happened a few times.
Howard said a perfect day to him is sitting in his room and studying tapes on photography. He said he likes the video lessons. Howard said he likes practicing taking an ad from a magazine and trying to recreate it in Photoshop. Howard said he's a very simple guy. Robin said he'd be proud of her. She said she reorganized three cabinets. Howard said he doesn't even care when other people do that stuff. He said he's so fucked up. He said he knows he's a disaster and he's working on it. He said that Robin is a saint for putting up with him. He said she's an angel of love to him.
Howard said Beth said she wanted to go to the premier so he went. Howard said it was 6:30 at night and he always eats early and he's in bed by 8 on a school night. Howard said even when he's off he's in bed by 9. Howard said that's his late night. He said that's just who he is.
Howard said Beth is such a good sport that he said he'd go with her last night. He was looking forward to seeing this new movie. He said the director is David O. Russell and Beth worked with him on ''Flirting with Disaster.'' Howard said it all made sense. He said it was time to get in the car and he really didn't want to do it. He said he just has to do it. He said it's really fun to go out with Beth. He said it can be fun to go out.
Howard said he went to the theater and it was crowded. He said things could be a lot worse than they are. He said he was willing to walk the red carpet so he did that. He said they assigned a young woman to him to walk him through the carpet. He said the woman greets him and has him walk over. He said he talked to a bunch of shows like Entertainment Tonight. Howard said he does that whole thing and then says he wants to get to the movie. He said the movie didn't start until 8:30 when it was supposed to start at 7. Howard said they set it up to fuck him over. He said he works and he's tired. He said he doesn't have free time.
Howard said he started to go upstairs but it was chaos. He said there were people asking to take pictures and he was getting aggravated. He said he didn't know where his seat was so he wanted to figure that out. He said the woman who was supposed to be with them was long gone. The usher asked for a ticket. He said he was told that he was sitting next to Brad and his mother. Howard said the usher said he couldn't get in. He said the woman who was assigned to him had flaked out. Howard said he stood there for 5-10 minutes and things were getting wild. Howard said he was ready to get out of there. Beth agreed. He said she was bummed. Howard said he should have brought a guy to help them. He said he was stupid not to do that.
Howard said he likes Bradley and he turned to the usher and said that he was going to leave if there was a door. He said she asked if he was really going to leave. Howard said he had no choice. Howard said she told him to walk down the steps and he'd be right outside. Howard said he was heading out and he saw the look on Beth's face. He said it's the same look she has when he takes his pants off. Howard said he asked her to forgive him and she said it was fine. She told him that it was insane and she understood.
Howard said they got outside and looked for the car. Howard said the girl who was assigned to them came down the steps and asked if she could help. Howard said he told her not to worry about it. He said that he told her it was just too much for her. Howard said she told him that she had his tickets. Howard said it was fine and he asked her not to tell anyone that he left. Howard said he got home and 5 minutes later he got an email from Bradley saying he felt horrible. Howard said he told him not to feel bad.
Robin asked if he really left. Howard said he couldn't get into the movie so he went home. Howard said he was so happy. He said he was glad he didn't have to sit next to people coughing and things like that. Howard said he watched The Walking Dead and Homeland and he loved them. He said both shows are great.
Howard said this guy Bob Lefsetz wrote about how great Homeland is every week. He said when he was a kid music was so important. Howard said that Bob was talking about how rock stars aren't the same as they were years ago. Howard said it really hit home with him. He said with music it's so true. He said music used to mean something back when he was growing up. Howard said now the rock stars just look like douches.
Gary asked what time he left last night. Howard said it was like 7:40. Gary said he got a bunch of emails from the publicists for the movie and how they had a situation on their hands. Howard said he didn't want to make a scene. He said he just wasn't prepared. Gary said when Howard gets out to the street he's just going to leave and not change his mind. Howard said he didn't handle it right. He said he needs a bit of handling and he needs to get to his seat. Howard said he has people hitting him on the back and telling him weird shit. He said he wrecks everything. Gary said they are sending a DVD copy to him today. Howard said he asked Bradley to send him one so he knows about that.
Howard said he apologized to Beth a million times last night. He said she told him it was fine but he knows that he ruins everything. Robin said he never changes. Howard said she can depend on him to be annoying.
Howard played a clip of someone on the staff, voice disguised, talking about Howard's back pain and how he hates when Howard talks about that. Howard didn't know who it was. Fred guessed it was Scott DePace and Gary said he's right. Howard said that this guy Dr. John Sarno woke him up and helped him out with his back pain. Howard said you should read his books ''Healing Back Pain'' and ''The Mindbody Connection.'' Howard said that this man changed his life. He said Scott DePace doesn't know anything. He said that the audience should listen to him. He said the medical community is involved in the back pain industry. He said if you read Sarno's books it will help. Howard said you can get off back pain pills and things like that. He said you don't need back surgery. Howard said that you can end up with real problems after surgery. Howard said Scott isn't a dumb guy but he's also not an enlightened guy.
DePace came in and told Howard that he does agree with him on some of this but he has friends who have had back operations and they are better now. Howard said that someone wrote a song about Scott that really sums things up. He said he wants to play it but he can't find it. Howard looked for it and said that it was written by a listener. He asked where it was. Gary said he didn't know what he was talking about.
Howard eventually found the Little Mikey song. It was about Scott DePace and to the tune of Billy Idol's ''Eyes Without a Face.''
Howard said that people just have a feeling that they're right when they come out against this stuff. Howard said he knows a lot of stuff.
Gary said someone else came in and said that Scott's complaint was the same one they had. Howard took a call from a guy who said he read The Mindbody Connection and reading that book really helped him. He said he read his newest book too and he thinks the guy is a genius.
Howard played another disguised voice guy talking about how they were jealous of Howard's hair. Howard said he's very lucky with his hair. He said that he doesn't have to dye it or anything like that. He said he has some grey but you don't see it. He said he's 58 and he has colorful hair and pubes. Howard said you can see the grey up close. Howard said that he's very lucky that way. Gary said that the jealous person was Scott the Engineer. Fred was still playing the game and said he thought it was Benjy.
The next clip was someone complaining about how Howard is always right no matter what he says. That person was upset with him over that. Howard said that he didn't understand that one. Robin had to explain it to him. Howard said that's true. Howard guessed that it was Jason and he was right. Howard said he'll take that and accept it.
Howard played another clip where the person said that they were annoyed by Howard's musical taste. Howard guessed it was Steve Brandano. He was wrong. Howard said it must be Will. It wasn't him or Richard. It turned out it was Jon Hein. Gary said that he thinks that he wants to hear Rush on the show. Howard said a lot of bands don't want to be on the show. He said that he would like to have Neil Young on the show but maybe he doesn't want to be on. Jon came in and said that Rush is one. Howard said that he doesn't want to talk to Geddy Lee. Jon mentioned Steely Dan. Howard said he would talk to them. Howard said he's thinking about the broader audience and he has seen research. He said people are very fragmented on the music they like. Howard said Jon is fairly new to radio and he has been through the mill about what people are into. Howard said we all think we're right about music. He said that he knows the guys in Steely Dan are kind of dry anyway.
Howard said that he was inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame and a lot of people are upset that he didn't show up. Howard said that he had people writing about how wrong that was. Howard said he doesn't feel that going to an event like that is the best way to give back to the industry. Howard said he thinks that talking to a young student and encouraging people is giving back. He said going to someone's home in Chicago and hanging out with people he doesn't know isn't the way he wants to give back. He said that this guy who runs the hall of fame used to bad mouth him and he has no desire to hang out with the guy.
Howard asked if Lee Abrams is in the hall of fame. Fred didn't know. Howard told Benjy to look it up. Gary looked it up and said he is not. Howard said that's fucking ridiculous. Howard said this guy Bruce Dumont is the guy who runs the hall of fame and he thinks the family is involved with the Dumont radio manufacturer and he must want to be involved with the radio industry. Howard said these journalists should be looking into this stuff.
Howard said Lee Abrams was a guy who figured out how to make the modern day rock format. Howard said there was a station he went to that had all of the music on cards. Howard said that they had all of the information about the songs and Lee figured out how to put the songs on cards and how to make a rotation out of them. Howard said he made a big business out of it. Howard said he went to Detroit and he was the new morning man there. Howard said Lee was there giving a speech and he walked into the room. He said he wasn't even supposed to be there. Howard said within 10 minutes he was inspired by Lee. He said there were some other guys in the room and Lee talked about what radio could be. He said he was talking about the general pattern of the audience. Howard said he broke them down methodically. Howard said Lee talked about music and musical taste. He said that the guy had all kinds of ideas and he was turned on by radio. Howard said that these are the guys who are the unsung heroes. Howard said that Bruce Dumont has no right telling Lee Abrams that he shouldn't be in the hall of fame.
Howard said some people think that Lee ruined radio but he didn't. Howard said he liked Lee. He said he thinks he's staring at a wall somewhere now though.
Howard said if they wanted to do the right thing they'd call him and make him the President of the radio hall of fame. Howard said he wouldn't do it though because radio is the same old shit over and over. Howard said he studies this stuff. He said he's watched the evolution of this. He belched and Robin said that just ruined his argument. Howard said that smelled like egg too. He said she'd throw up if she smelled that.
Howard said that the show is deeper than his musical taste. Howard said that he is just exhausted from going out last night. Howard said he has a wife and he tried to take her out. Howard said he drains the life out of everyone. He said it's enough of him.
Howard got back to the game and played another harmonizer disguised voice. That person was talking about how Howard says everyone will be out of work when he retires. Howard said that he knew it was Richard. Everyone could hear Richard even with his voice disguised. Howard said he just knows the business and how things are going to work out. Gary asked if he thinks he can't find something else. Howard said Richard used to live in a storage bin. Howard mentioned a few names of people who have left the show and done nothing with their lives. Howard said that the only person who did anything was Stuttering John. Howard said that Jay got rid of him in under a year. He keeps him on the staff and he thinks that he feels guilty about that and that's why he keeps John there.
Gary said that the only one who has done really well was Mark Cronin. Howard said Mark left though. He said if he just retired then Richard would be up shits creek. He said maybe he could work in a library. Robin asked what he could do there. Howard said the floors get filthy. He said guys like Medicated Pete live there. Gary said he has to now that his house got flooded out.
Howard asked where Richard is. Richard came in and said that it doesn't really annoy him. He said that he makes them sound worthless sometimes. Howard said he's getting excellent reports on him about his work from Fred. Howard said he sees Richard with his own show some day. He was just saying that to make him feel better. Robin said he sees Sal and Richard crossing streams forever.
Howard said Richard hadn't gotten laid in 10 years and he was living in a storage container before he got there. Richard said he is thankful for what he has there now. He thanked Howard for that. Howard said he doesn't think he's not talented. He just doesn't see a future for him. Howard said that he should make his life good there and make it easy for him to keep working. He told Richard to get back there and work harder. Fred said he really is good.
Howard said he is getting good reports about Richard but not Sal. He said he was just kidding. He said that both of them are doing good work back there.
Howard said they got a lot of feedback about Sal's teeth. He said it's kind of funny that the guy who used to make fun of Gary's teeth now has teeth that he can't avoid looking at. Howard said all he sees when he talks to Sal are those teeth.
Howard played a clip of someone complaining about how Howard never gives a fuck about anyone he doesn't watch on TV or listen to on the radio. Howard said he knew it was Steve Brandano from that cadence. Howard said if he thinks that way then he should go out and start his own interview show. Howard said these guys just don't get it. He said they've never worked in radio. Howard said they have shows there at Sirius who have never done radio. He said they're horrible at it too. He said they don't care around there. Howard said it's a joke. He said no one thinks about ratings. Gary said they don't need ratings there. Howard said he thinks about his guests and he just can't have a disaster. Howard said Steve thinks it's a party. Howard said he could never put Riley Martin on terrestrial radio. He said it's a niche thing.
Gary said Howard had that guy Steve Nathanson on the show and Steve wonders why he would have him on and not a band like Steely Dan. Howard said he liked the guy's song and he had an angle for something to talk about. Howard said Steve has never done radio and he has no idea. Howard said radio has been a nightmare for him. He said it's filled with insecurity. He said going from market to market and getting everyone's opinion on how to do radio is awful. He said you learn by doing that though. He said that you have to have gone through that process to have a conversation with him about what works on radio.
Howard asked Steve who he thinks he's missing out on. Steve said that it's insulting to say their names. He said they have turned down The Black Keys who are one of the biggest bands in the world right now. Howard said he has to be jazzed about something to put someone on the show. Howard said he asked Steve to give him some interesting information about them and he has failed every time. Howard said he needs to go back and do the hard work to interest him. He said that he has failed the Black Keys. Steve said there might not be enough for him there.
Howard said Steve should make the break from the show and get his own show and prove that he knows better than him. Howard said they hire people they find in the halls there at Sirius to do shows there. Howard said that they hired Judith Reagan and she has no idea how to do radio. Howard said if you want to make a real living in radio then you have to produce. Howard said the shows they do on his channels aren't the kind of shows that would work in the real world. Howard said that Steve isn't dealing with the real world there. He said that he is under his protection there. Howard said he's pitching the equivalent of the Swedish channel there.
Howard said Steve needs to get a show on terrestrial radio. Steve said terrestrial is dying. Howard said when he passes the test then they'll have this discussion. Howard told him to tell him something about the Black Keys that will interest him. Steve said they're the biggest band in the world right now. Howard said that the music industry is dying. Steve said that if he had them on then Bob Lefsetz would be talking about how great the band is. Steve said they have Maroon 5 in there. Howard said that people know them. Steve said people know the Black Keys too. Howard said that he's talking about a broader research and he has to go with things that he likes too. Howard said he has to be into the interview. Howard said Steve has to get some balls behind him and go out and do a show of his own. Steve said they do GEEKTIME and other shows there too. Howard said GEEKTIME is a joke. He said that if he has 2 people listening it doesn't matter.
Steve said he will mention someone that Howard turns down and then 2 years later he'll have them on and they love them. Steve said he knows some of these people would be good and that's why it's so frustrating.
Howard asked Steve how old he is. Steve said he's 30. Howard said Steve is bursting with so many good ideas that he needs to go off and do his own show. Howard said he's frustrated there. Steve said he is not. He said he loves being there. Steve thanked Howard for letting him be there.
Gary said Howard has tormented everyone of the people in the clips. He said that the game was supposed to keep the people safe. Howard said he's not tormenting anyone. He said he's just telling the truth. Gary said this is why no one wanted to play the game. Gary said he was the only one who was going to play the game until Howard made them play. Howard said there are no repercussions for what they say.
Gary said he thinks that The Black Keys are one of the possible guests that they've talked about more than any other. Howard said he has to have some kind of connection and some kind of interest in the guest. He said he's asked the guys to find more information about them and give him the information. Howard said he had that guy Pete Wentz on the show because he had a connection to Ashlee Simpson and it was a broader discussion other than music. He said that he doesn't really give a shit about the guy but he had an interesting life. Howard said it wasn't about the music. He said he doesn't know how to explain it to these young guys.
Robin asked what it was in the notes. Howard said he didn't think the audience would relate because he wouldn't have any interest. Gary said they like the music but they didn't think that they'd be great interviews. Howard said he's thrilled they're fans but he doesn't book some guests because he doesn't think he can make anything out of it.
Gary said they kept getting pitched Jeff Daniels but they didn't book him. Howard said that he got a vibe that the audience would be into it. Howard said that's probably ridiculous but that's what's in his mind. Howard said that's what's in his mind. Howard said that would be frustrating to him if he was Steve Brandano too.
Howard said he has to live with bad interviews for weeks if he does one. Howard said he goes into a funk after that. He said that getting a bad ratings book is a debilitating thing. Howard said he can relate to guys who have gone through that themselves. Howard said that radio hasn't been great to him. He said he's been sick over it and it's complete despair and dread.
Gary said that they found a picture of what they think is the Radio Hall of Fame. Howard said that it looks like a cafeteria with chairs and plaques on the wall. Howard talked about how he doesn't appreciate Bruce Dumont deciding on him not being in the radio hall of fame.
Howard said there are a lot of guys who should be in there in the hall of fame. Howard said guys like Imus have been in radio a long time so maybe he should be in. He said radio is littered with people who shouldn't even be at a party though. He said the whole thing was ludicrous to him. He said that Dumont kept him out of the hall of fame and he'd humiliate him over it. Howard said the guy knew he wasn't going to come to his induction but he put out a press release saying he wasn't sure if he was coming. Howard said he was never going to show up and they knew that.
Howard said he likes his staff and this is causing a lot of bad vibes. Fred cracked up laughing at that. Gary said he knows Howard is doing a radio show but these guys feel bad for days after. Howard said they should just get over it. Gary said they just want to know they're doing a good job. Howard said that they are doing a good job. Howard said he's sorry if he doesn't know what they're doing there. Howard said he thinks that Steve is just sitting on his ass out there. Howard asked if he's supposed to follow him around to figure it out. Gary said he does a lot of research and he helps out with almost every other show on the channel. Howard said he appreciates that. He said he thought that he was a publicist for the Black Keys based on how many times he brings them up. Howard said that he should finish this game but he has to take a break. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that he has been busy yapping away all morning and forgot to tell everyone that Big Foot Jr. (Jay Tesoro) is there. Howard said he can't get him on the microphone. Scott came in and explained why they didn't have the microphone set up right.
Big Foot Jr. said he just wanted to say he's there because he's dependable it is. Howard said that he is a lot more so than some of the other guys around there. Howard said he'll be sitting in all morning.
Howard said he has to get back to the dumb game but he also has to talk about this story he read in the news about a Victoria's Secret costume that someone complained about. It was an Indian head dress that one of the models wore. Howard said that Victoria's Secret has apologized for the whole thing and he's not sure why people are so upset. Howard said he doesn't get why they're so upset about it. Robin understood where they were coming from because it's something from their culture where people died during war. Howard said the model was really hot. He said maybe Robin is right though. He said maybe it's as sacred to them as the bible is to other cultures.
Robin said the American Indians want the Washington Redskins to stop using that name because it's offensive too. Howard said that the whole thing is confusing to him. There were some other teams that use redskin or even orange man and the American Indians get upset.
Howard said that he was reading about this General Petraeus story and how the French don't get so upset about affairs like we do here. Howard said the guy wasn't giving out secret information or anything. He said that we're sex obsessed here in this country and there are a lot of people who have affairs. Howard said no one runs their personal life well except for Big Foot Jr. Howard said he doesn't have anyone because he doesn't bathe.
Big Foot said that Petraeus should be allowed to fuck anyone but that old hag wife of his. Howard said that's not very nice. Howard read more about politicians who have had affairs and have been caught. Howard said if it's some massive cover up then it's a different story. Howard said the guy had an affair and we'd all like to have perfect marriages but it doesn't always work out that way. They spent a little more time talking about that.
Howard said that he has to get back to that stupid game they were playing. He said he had other clips to play first. Howard said that Sal went out on the street and asked people if they voted. Howard said when people said they didn't vote Sal told them that Obama just lost by 1 vote. Howard played one clip where they spoke to a guy and told him that he just lost by one vote. The guy said he felt bad. He said he doesn't know what happened. Sal told the guy he could have changed America. The guy said he was sorry about that. Howard said that was a guy who goes on to day in December he will vote for Obama in the second election.
Howard said he had to take a break but Robin asked how he's feeling about the game they were playing. Howard said he's fine with it. Robin said they should continue then. Howard said he has to take a break first. They went to break after that.
Howard said he appreciates Benjy going out there but he has to learn how to use the equipment. He said it sounded like he was in a hurricane. Howard reenacted the interview with Fred playing wind sounds behind him.
Howard said it's okay to get help and ask those guys how to use the equipment. Big Foot Jr. said he tried to rape hurricane Sandy but the winds were too much for him. He said he got to eat great food out of dumpsters after the storm. He said all of these people complaining about not having heat for 2 weeks don't know what it's like to have no head for 7 years like him.
Howard took a call from Eric the Actor who said he was calling in to give an update on the results for the pick for him. Howard said no one cares. He said Eric called in to complain that he's not getting on the air enough. Howard said he gets him on the air more than anyone else. Eric said his beef is with the people who are harassing him on Twitter.
Big Foot Jr. told Eric that he was a big werewolf and he was going to rip him out of his chair and eat him. Eric said that Big Foot Jr. bit is stupid. Big Foot asked how many times he's humped his bed thinking about Kurt Angle. Eric said the bit is getting old. He told Big Foot to shut the fuck up. Big Foot asked Eric some math questions like what's 9x9. Eric didn't answer. Big Foot said that it's 99.
Eric said that this bit is stupid and idiotic. Big Foot asked if he could hear his predictions on the fake wrestling match so he can place a bet. Howard said no one cares about the wrestling thing. He said it's not like anyone is watching. He said no one cares. Big Foot said that he's fucking Diana DeGarmo right now. He said he bets Eric would like to get some of that. He said Carrie Underwood is sucking his dick now.
Howard said that Eric is in love with those two women. Big Foot said they're delicious. Eric said that North Shore would have gotten money if there wasn't technical issues. Big Foot said he's holding that over Howard's head again.
Howard said Big Foot is saying that maybe the wrestling thing is a bit old. Robin said it means nothing by saying that it could have happened if nothing happened. Big Foot said that Eric has been acting like a little asshole for 35 years. He asked why he won't die already. Howard said he doesn't agree with that.
Big Foot kept asking questions and Eric kept telling him to shut the fuck up. Eric said he wanted to give him his picks. Howard said he'll give him a minute to say what he wants to say. Eric said he was trying to beat one of the TNA superstars and he did. Big Foot told him to just suck one of those guy's cocks already and cut to the chase. Howard said he wants to care about this but he just can't.
Howard told Eric it's okay that he's not sending a donation to the North Shore Animal League. Gary said Eric is saying that he's not giving the money himself. He's holding someone else's money over his head. Howard said it's not a big deal. He said they need money and people to adopt pets but Eric can't do it. Big Foot said Eric sounds like he talks in Morse code. Eric said at least he doesn't end his sentences with ''it is.''
Howard said he has to go. He said that Eric has used up his time in a ridiculous way. Eric said Gary should stop pointing out stuff that he does wrong when he sent him a link to help Howard out with his parents. Big Foot told him to go fuck his bed. Howard asked Big Foot if he'd fuck Eric. Big Foot said he would. He said he's a little guy and he couldn't get away from him. Even Big Foot thought that was disgusting.
Howard said this whole TNA thing doesn't appeal to a lot of people. Big Foot said it's just fucking gay. Eric said that the people who are in the WWE and TNA are fans of the show. Howard said that's fine but he doesn't have to do anything about it. Eric said he should show gratitude. Howard and the guys got a laugh out of that. Howard said Eric is the least gracious. Eric said that's bullshit. Howard said he has gotten him so much work. Eric said if he wasn't grateful he wouldn't have sent that link to Gary to help. Howard said he really has to go. He said he has run out of time. Big Foot said he looks like a turkey. Eric said he does not look like a turkey. Big Foot said he likes to make fun of retards. Eric asked if he makes fun of himself. Big Foot asked him to talk slower. Howard said these two guys didn't hit it off. Big Foot said ''Fuck that guy... it is.''
Howard asked Eric if he would let Big Foot fuck him with a wig on. Eric said ''fuck no.'' Big Foot said that he's not going to get away from him. He said he could shove him down his pants.
Eric said that his guest yesterday said right to his face to stop using the word ''midget.'' Howard said that wasn't him, it was Big Foot Jr. Eric said that Big Foot does it. Eric said that it's ''little person.'' Big Foot said that's right and that's why his cock will fit right into him.
Big Foot said he had a lot in common with Roger Moore. He said his doctor said he had an IQ of 007 when he was a kid. Big foot said he'd see Eric on Twitter and then called him a faggot. Howard said that's not right. He said he should stop with the name calling.
Howard said that he shouldn't use that F word with people. He said that he should say ''effeminate'' or something. Howard said this is what happens when you have a listener come in off the street to do voices. Howard went to break a short time later.
Sandra told Howard that she's on this new show called DTLA on the Logo network. She said that they're trying to reach out a little more other than the gay thing. She said she plays the mother of the lead character on the show. She said her son on the show is a gay man. She said that she tells him to pull his shit together on the show. She said Melanie Griffith plays her ex on the show. Howard asked how she's looking. Sandra said she looks great. Howard said he almost did a movie with her years ago. Howard asked if she shot this thing yet. Sandra said she did and the show airs this Friday on Logo.
Howard said that Sandra was offered the part of Amanda in Sex and the City. Sandra said it was actually Miranda, not Amanda. Howard said that she turned the part down. Sandra said it wasn't enough money and she had no idea the show was going to be a hit. Howard asked if she pulled the hair out of her head when she watched the show. Sandra said she really didn't because she didn't see herself in that role. She said Cynthia Nixon was good in the role. Howard said she could have been a sexy friend. Sandra said she would have done something different on the show.
Howard asked what they were offering her to do that. Sandra said it was $7,500 a week and she had done Roseanne and she was making a lot more than that. Howard said if she did that then she'd bring her price down. Sandra said that's what it was. She said that the show took a while to get its legs and they were making that kind of money for like 2 years.
Howard said someone told him she's worth $8 million. Sandra said that's the word on the street. She asked Howard if he's worth a billion. She said that you have to act like you're poor so you can keep getting work.
Howard asked Sandra about this show and if she's doing real acting. Sandra said she is. Howard asked if she got any awards for The King of Comedy. Sandra said she did get one. Howard asked why she didn't get more movie roles after that. She said that she was doing some dreck around that time and one of them didn't even get released.
Howard asked how the Logo network is doing. He said he never hears a thing about it. Sandra said they had Ru Paul's Drag Race and that put them on the map. Howard asked if the Oprah Network is doing worse than the Logo network. Sandra said she thinks that they're doing better than Oprah. She said they have broken through.
Howard and Sandra talked about temple and Howard asked her to listen to Rabbi Gottfried. Howard said that she has to hear this. Howard had Fred play some of Gilbert Gottfried's singing. Howard asked what she thinks. Sandra asked if that was Gilbert. Howard said it is. Sandra said she saw Gilbert out on the street with his two kids and she just walked past him. She said she didn't want to get into it with him.
Howard said he knows what she means. Howard said he was going out to dinner one night and he saw Gilbert out with his girlfriend/wife. Howard said he said hi to him and Gilbert just looked at him like he didn't know him. He said he thought it was an act but it's very awkward to talk to him out there. Sandra said that even Gilbert is freaked out by himself.
Howard said that Sandra isn't into reality TV. Sandra said that there is such good scripted TV on now. She said that she loves Homeland. She said that she watches them all. She said she watches DTLA too. Sandra said she loves Modern Family. Howard said he loves Homeland too. He said he wanted that show to go on for 25 hours. Sandra said she would watch the show if it was on for 5 hours.
Howard was talking about how he has to shower like 3 times a day to wash his balls. He said the older he gets the more his balls stink. Sandra asked if Howard and Beth are going to get a new dog. Howard said they got a new cat.
Howard asked Sandra about Phyllis Diller and being friendly with her. Sandra said she was great. She said that Phyllis was good lady.
Howard said Sandra is friends with Jane Fonda too. Sandra said that she did a fund raiser with her recently. She said Jane looks amazing. Howard asked if she has known her for years. Sandra said she has known of her for a long time. Howard asked if she's attracted to her. Sandra said she's not really her type though. She said she has her shit together though. Sandra said she stays true to her stuff.
Howard said that Sandra went to a concert with a friend and she got separated from her and never heard from that friend again. She just disappeared. Howard said he thought that it was a friend who just left. Sandra said they don't know what happened to her. Sandra said that they figured that she went out to an Indian reservation or something and who knows, maybe she did. Howard said she's had a lot of experiences like that in her life. Sandra said you do need that to keep from getting boring.
Howard said he read about Sandra saying that Pippa Middleton's ass looks like two peaches. Sandra said she's not going to pursue her or anything. Sandra said she likes Pippa because she's a commoner and she's got that courage. Howard said he never even thinks about the stuff Sandra thinks about.
Howard asked Sandra if she has a celerity crush at all. Howard said Beth thinks that Gwyneth Paltrow is beautiful and she admires her. Sandra said that's sweet. Howard asked if that's someone she shouldn't admire. Sandra said she doesn't turn her on. She said she finds her very A sexual.
Howard asked if Sandra likes women like Hillary Clinton. He asked who she would like to be with. Sandra said Angelina Jolie is one. She said she's too skinny right now but when she has the right amount of weight on her she's sexy. Howard asked if she's attracted to Oprah at all. Sandra said she might want to rest her head on her bosom and cry but that's about it.
Howard asked how things are going with Sandra's relationship. Sandra said they work through things. Howard said he doesn't know what that means. Sandra said sometimes you're bored or restless. She said that you get bored with yourself and you want things to happen. She said that you don't focus. She said that everyone has to do that and just refocus on things.
Howard asked Sandra about General Petraeus and what she thinks about that. Sandra asked what's up with the wife. She said that she wears some strange things. Sandra said she has that strange hair cut too. They talked about how crazy it is that we're concentrating on this so much.
Howard said he has photographed Sandra and her girlfriend. Howard said that he did some sexy shots. Sandra said that they did some crazy poses for that. She asked Robin if she has been photographed yet. Robin said she's waiting to see what Howard does with everyone else. Sandra said that the pictures are very sexy.
Howard said he's happy that Sandra is back on TV. He gave her some plugs for the show and said it's on Wednesday nights. Sandra said they're moving the show to Friday nights. Howard gave her some plugs for the one woman play she's doing too. Sandra said she goes on stage nude in that show. Howard asked if she worries that her daughter will get upset with that. Sandra said that she's fine with it.
Howard gave Sandra a plug for her web site SandraBernhard.com. Sandra said they have new pictures up on the site.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Sandra has been with a woman who has a stinky vagina and what does she do. Sandra said that it can happen and you deal with it as it comes along.
Howard gave Sandra some more plugs and Sandra said you can find her on Twitter too @SandraBernhard. Howard asked how she handles the negativity on there. She said she just blocks people. Sandra said that she has her core people that she will deal with on there too. She said she'll give people shout outs to make them feel special. She said she has become friendly with some fans. She said there is one guy in Flint, Michigan who she's friendly to.
Howard said that Sandra has about 200,000 followers and Kathy Griffin has about a million. Howard asked if that hurts. Sandra said she doesn't have a beef with Kathy. Howard asked if she would like a million. Sandra said she'll get them once she does that splashy thing that gets people's attention.
Howard said he's glad that she's doing well. Howard told Sandra that Sarah Silverman has 2.5 million followers. Sandra said that Sarah has that internet savvy. Robin asked what he's trying to start there. Howard said he's just trying to get something going.
Howard asked Sandra how often she has sex. She said it's 2 or 3 times a week. Howard asked if they do it while they're on their periods. Sandra said that's kind of gross. Howard asked if she straps on at all. She said she has never done that. Sandra said she likes the mushy sexy kind of thing. Howard asked if she does fisting. Sandra said if someone has a thing that's big enough for a fist then it's not her thing. Howard asked if she eats ass. Sandra said that isn't for a Jew. She said it's not kosher. Howard said he's never had his ass eaten. He asked Sandra if she has. Sandra said she has had people try things. She said that's where she draws the line and that's where she leaves.
Howard asked Sandra what she's doing then. Sandra told Howard how she role plays with her girlfriend. She said they have to be out of the house to do that. She said they have to be on vacation or something. She said they're supposed to go to Chicago soon so her girlfriend will come there. She said that she loves Chicago and she wants her to be there. Sandra said that Playboy started there so that's what she thinks about when she's there. Sandra told Howard some of the other she likes to stay at. She mentioned Turks and Caicos and Howard told her that he had to leave that place once because the home he stay at in was filled with ants. Howard told Sandra that he would make her so miserable if she went with him on vacation. Robin said he only lasted 4 days the last time they went away. Howard said he hates going away. He said he likes to stay home and see Beth. Howard said that's all he wants. Sandra said she gets that.
Howard asked Sandra if she thinks that the Honey Boo Boo thing is kind of child abuse. Sandra said that things are crazy in this country. She said that kind of thing is the bulk of this country. She said that these people don't want health care or education or anything like that. She said that they should be allowed to live like that in their own area. Howard gave Sandra some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and asked Robin if she listened to the Scott the Engineer special last night. He also mentioned that Big Foot Jr. was sitting in. Robin said she missed Scott's show last night. Howard said she should have set a timer. Robin thought she would remember that. Big Foot Jr. said he listened and he can't wait to hear more radio shows with insignificant people on it.
Howard said he loves computers. He said he could sit by his computer all day. Robin said he does. Howard said he actually does. Howard asked Robin if she likes her computer. Robin said she does like being able to look things up. Howard said he loves having his calendar on there. He said he loves adding things to it. Robin said that's sad. Howard asked if it's really sad. Robin said he should have someone else doing it for him. Robin said she doesn't get excited about adding things to her calendar. Howard said he loves email too. Robin said she does too.
Howard said he was working on his computer and realized that Scott was on. He said he was actually out at the movie last night. He said he did hear some clips of Scott's music special though. He said that he heard it was over produced. He said sometimes Scott can annoy him. Robin said he got some positive response.
Howard played some clips from Scott's show and goofed on him. Howard wondered what he was going for. He said he sounds like Casey Kasem. He said Scott is such a bore. He said he tried hanging himself last night listening to it but he wasn't able to do it.
Howard said Scott produced a whole rock special. He said he put like 18 hours of his time into it and it shows that he can do this stuff but the stories are just insufferable. Howard said he heard that Scott is in his office yelling.
Scott came in and said he was just playing a clip of that one song. Howard asked why he played it at all. Scott said after the clip he's playing is where he plays ''For What It's Worth.''
Howard read some email about Scott's special and people were wondering why he would play that 10 minute long song in a one hour long special. Howard said Scott did get some positive feedback. He read through some of that stuff and people were saying that his stories weren't that great but the idea of that Playlist show is great.
Howard played a clip of Scott introducing the original ''All Along the Watchtower'' song and playing a few seconds of that before introducing Jimi Hendrix's version. Howard said he took too long to get to the Hendrix version.
Howard said Scott spent 18 hours of his time working on this. Scott said that he spent some of his own time working on it too. Howard said he can't miss a word of this intro. He replayed some of the stuff he was saying about the Hendrix song. Scott was talking about how loud he'd turn up that song when he was a kid and how he'd blow his brains out with it.
Howard played another clip and told Scott he should have just talked in his voice instead of writing it out. Scott said he had to write it out. Robin said he did not. Howard said it's bad enough that Scott had to live his life but now we have to live it over with him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she found it hilarious. Howard said that's not what they were going for though. He said they just wanted people on the show to talk about the music they liked growing up. Howard said he thought it would be cool to have someone come in and play the songs they liked and that's it. He said Scott turned it into a music history special. Howard said that's not what they were looking for.
Howard did his Scott impression and goofed on the stuff he was talking about in the special. Howard said that Scott has gotten fat again too. Scott said he had a knee injury that kept him from working out. Howard did more of his impression of Scott and goofed on him about the eating thing. Howard asked what he eats. Scott said he eats salad. He said he would eat dessert after dinner so that's what put the weight back on him. Howard said maybe he shouldn't have eaten that stuff while he wasn't working out.
Howard played more of Scott's special and goofed on him some more about the songs he was talking about. Howard said Scott had no life. He talked about where he was living and where he grew up in the clips. Howard said these stories are interesting when a guy ends up a huge success. Howard said Scott is still in Bayside Queens.
Scott talked about how he saw The Vagrants when he was young and Leslie West was in that band. He played a Mountain song while talking about that.
The caller asked Scott if he made the playlist because he loves music or so he could show off his production values. Scott said he enjoyed doing it, that's why he did it. Howard said Scott worked for other DJs for years and he wants to show them his talents. Howard said he could have saved them hours of this mess if he had just kept it simple.
The caller suggested Howard check out this music special They Like it Loud. Howard said he tried to watch it but he was bored by it. He said he doesn't care. He said he likes Jimmy Page but the rest of the guys he didn't care about.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Scott heard one of those music history specials and just made his own. Howard said that's what he thinks he was doing too. He said he had some fun goofing on it. Howard said he has to get on and just do it live next time. Howard said he should bring in 10 records and just talk. Howard and Fred goofed on Scott some more. Howard asked if he could have possibly gotten laid in high school. Robin didn't think so.
Robin read a story about a professor who found that the human brain is being eroded by advancements in technology. Howard said that our bodies have adapted to our environment. Howard said things have gotten so easy that we don't need as much brain power. He said the biggest challenge of the day is to buy Cheetos or Fritos. Evolution doesn't need to make us smarter. Howard said he had a friend who asked if he would like to be around in 20,000 years when they've evolved even more. Howard said we're going to go backwards and end up as amoeba again.
Robin read about Christina Aguilera putting out a new album and how being on The Voice may be helping her out. Robin had some audio of the first single for Howard to play. the song is called ''Your Body.'' Howard said it was fabulous. He said it's no wonder why people make fun of music these days. Robin had a few other samples from her new album. Howard said that she used to be so hot. He said she should just pull it together.
Robin said the voice of Elmo has been accused of having sex with an underage boy. Big Foot asked how the voice of someone fucks someone. Robin just laughed. Robin said this guy has been the voice of Elmo for a very long time and he's 52 years old. Robin said he is a divorced dad and he has admitted that he has been involved with the guy who is now 23. Robin said the guy is saying that he is a gay man and he had a relationship but never had relations with this guy when he was underage. Robin said he has been suspended from being the voice of Elmo for now.
Robin said that Yasser Arafat's body is being exhumed to check for poison. Robin said that the wife thinks that he could have been poisoned. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about this woman involved in the David Petraeus case and how she's had other people email her inappropriate photos. Robin read about a few guys who had done the same thing. Robin said that the woman's name is Jill Kelly and people are defending her saying that she'd never have an affair with anyone.
Howard read an email and the writer said they should keep Bobo off the air. Howard said there is a lot of anger in the email.
Robin asked Howard if he thinks that Chris Christie ruined things for the 2016 election. Howard said Romney was just very on the defensive and took the high road sometimes. Howard said he has to point out weaknesses. Robin said she was asking about Chris Christie. Howard said that the whole republican party has to change their tune on some things. Howard said he thinks that Chris Christie will do well. Robin said that the country is a moderate country. Howard said that you can be a little bit to the left. Howard said Chris Christie just told the president he was doing a good job. He said that's what you're supposed to do. He said he did the right thing. That's not why Romney lost the election though. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin said that you have to wonder what Paul Ryan's future will be. Howard said he should start running for President right now. Robin had some audio of Paul Ryan talking about what he will be doing.
Robin said that Romney is losing Facebook friends by the minute. Robin said that people started unliking his Facebook page after he lost the election. Robin said he lost them at the rate of 593 an hour.
Robin said that Governor Cuomo says that 93 percent of people have their power back. There are still a lot of homes they can't restore power to yet because of the risk of fire.
Robin read about a man who was arrested for robbing homes that were without power. Robin read about the guy who might be linked to over a dozen robberies. Robin had some audio of an officer talking about that.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who was sleeping on the line. Howard tried to wake him but he wasn't getting up. Howard said he thinks the last time he called in he was sleeping too. Howard listened to his snoring for a few seconds. Howard said he must have sleep apnea or something. Robin said it might just be snoring. Howard said it sounds so fun to be doing what he's doing right now. He asked Robin if they should just move on. Robin said they might have to. Howard asked Robin if she thinks he's a victim of Scott's music special.
Robin read about how the gas rationing is over in New Jersey but it continues in New York. Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about keeping it in effect for now in New York.
Robin read about people wondering what happened in Benghazi and how they want to know what's being done about it. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about how half of American's lie to their doctors. Robin said she has never lied. Howard said he has lied at least once. He told his doctor he wasn't erect even though he was. Howard said he did actually lie when he told his doctor how much he was drinking. He said he didn't want to be judged so he said he was drinking 2 or 3 glasses but he was drinking about 7 or 8. Howard said he went back to the guy and told him the truth and said that he was actually down to 2 or 3 a day. Howard said he did lie. Robin said that some people will go on the web and research problems instead of going to a doctor.
Robin read about the release of Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 which came out last night. Robin said that she had some audio of someone talking about how people are taking vacation to play the game. Howard said he's so glad he doesn't play these games. He said he was into Atari in his 30s. He said it was kind of a waste of time. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the game. Howard asked Big Foot if he plays those games. Big Foot said he doesn't but he is playing with a giant booger on the end of his finger. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about the governor of Washington state talking about legalizing medial marijuana. Robin said that the state has legalized it but it's still breaking a federal law. Howard said he believes in the legalization of marijuana. He said we could tax it and bring in all of those tax dollars.
Robin read about a couple of guys who are stuck on a mountain in Washington state. Robin said that they had to send out rescuers but they weren't able to get to them.
Robin read about how Amos and Andy is back on TV in Houston, Texas. Robin said that a network down there is playing the show even though it was yanked off TV many years ago when the NAACP went after it.
Robin said that Bradley Cooper was on the Letterman show last night. Robin had some audio of him talking about working with Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said he bets he fucked her too. He said they'll ask him tomorrow when he comes in. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Steve Brandano said that he showed up to do it and he was told they had enough. Steve said that doesn't sound right. Jon asked Scott if he dreads it coming up when he hears Howard playing his. Scott said that he didn't expect Howard to get upset with him at all over what he said.
Scott said he has had neck pain and he knows that it can be psychological but not all neck and back pain is psychological. He said that your mind doesn't just make your disks go out of place. He said he thinks it worked for Howard and that's fine. He said he would read the book but it's not the number one cause of back pain.
Jon said that Scott Salem was saying he was just jealous of Howard's hair. Gary said that was a cop out. Gary said Scott already gets a ton of shit so he didn't give him shit about that answer.
Jon asked Gary about Benjy and will not being part of the bit. Gary said he gets that those two didn't want to be part of it. He said that Will was just coming off his drunken tape so he gets that. Gary said that Benjy is very strange though. He said everything with him is very difficult. He said the simplest things are very hard to get answers for.
Jon said that his complaint was about not having Rush on the show. He said that he gets what Howard was saying but he thinks that they'd be good on the show. Gary said Steve Brandano is getting angry with his argument. He said that Steve was trying to say that he asks them for suggestions for guests but then when they pitch bands to him he gives them shit. Steve said he has a reason for pitching them and it's not just because he likes them. Gary said if he can't get Howard passionate about something it's not worth pushing it.
Gary said that Bryan Cranston was one he came around on though. Gary said that they passed on Bryan for years until Howard started watching Breaking Bad. Gary said Jonah Hill and Seth Rogan are others. He said they were pitched to the show before they were ready but they eventually were.
Steve said that they met Jonah Hill like 2 years before he was on the show. He said that he was great and he wanted him on the show. He said that's the thing about the Black Keys. He said that they are fans of the show and they'd be good on the show. He said there isn't one guest who has been a fan of the show that hasn't been good.
Gary said he knows the Black Keys are mainstream but they're not as mainstream as you'd think. Steve said he disagrees with him on that. Gary said he's told publicists that their clients are just too nice for the show before. Steve said that they should just have the Black Keys in to play a song and if they don't get more out of them then they just end it. He said their music is all over the place right now. Gary said he sent Howard a link to them on CBS This Morning and he's not sure if Howard ever watched it.
Scott the Engineer came in so he said that he doesn't know the Black Keys material very well. Jon asked why he included a song in his Playlist show that he didn't like. Scott said he was just showing what the concert was like that he was talking about in that clip. Jon asked if he felt it sounded like one of those TV specials about a rock concert. Scott said he just talked about the music he liked.
Jon asked Scott if his complaint about Howard was a cop out. Scott said it was. He said that he gets annoyed with things but they come and go. He said he does get annoyed when Howard says he doesn't work hard. He said he does work hard and he does things the best he can. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if any of them are sorry about what they said about Howard. Jon asked Steve if he's happy. Steve said he is happy. He said he thought Howard could have been a lot worse than he was.
Jon asked Scott DePace. Scott said he thinks Howard likes him but thinks he's close minded even though he's not. Jon asked what it is that he'd like about him. Scott said he's not sure. He asked Jon what Howard likes about him. Jon told him to just answer. Gary said maybe Howard just likes that Scott does a good job. Scott said that's a given. Jon said that maybe he's a good dad too. Scott said he is. He said he cooked dinner last night. Gary asked if he made it from scratch. Scott said it was already made, he just had to head it up. He said he did have to cut it up for his kids though. Gary said all he did was heat up dinner. Then he found out that the babysitter heated it up. Scott said he had to take one of his kids to the dentist. He said that his one son refused to eat the scalloped potatoes so he told him he couldn't have any candy for dessert. He said he stuck to his guns on that too.
Jon asked Scott the Engineer about what he thought about the game. Scott said that Howard complains a lot and he could have said something about that. He said he was a pussy about the whole thing. He said he'll admit that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard's arguments about the guests he has on the show weren't very good. He said that Howard has had Lady Gaga and Katy Perry on the show. Gary asked if it was a mistake to have Lady Gaga on the show. The caller said it wasn't a mistake but it's not really what the target audience is looking for. Gary said that it was too big of a guest to pass on and Howard made Lady Gaga very interesting.
Jon said that with the Black Keys he gets that it's from a different era. He said that Rush would be good on the show too though. Steve mentioned that at least one of them still gets played on the air.
Steve said that it would be very cool if the Black Keys say no to them in a couple of years after they've rejected them. Gary said he tried to get a band on the show once and they blew him off. He said that they asked to be on the show years later and he just said ''Nah, that's alright.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that everyone would be happy to get their favorite guests on the show. He said you have to trust Howard's instincts on this. He also asked who the fuck the Black Keys are. Gary said that there are some who think they have to have them on but they're not universally popular. Jon said he thinks that they're there. Steve said that a lot of the guys on the show agree that they should be on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a big Rush fan and he'd love to hear them on the show but he knows that they won't hear any crazy sex stories or anything. Jon said that they have all been up there and they got a tour of Howard's studio. He said that they've had a recent resurgence and he doesn't think he's asking too much. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said Richard was in a band that went on tour and didn't make that much money doing it. Gary said that it's great to be respected but it's nice to make money too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that people are going to have a set level of happiness based on certain things and thinking that they're going to be happy based on money is ridiculous. Scott said that Howard was complaining about his parents being at his house. He said when they die he's going to wish that he had them around. Gary asked what he's saying. Scott said Howard bitches about things that matter. He said it seems like everything is a bother to Howard. Scott said Howard sits at home watching TV and he likes to bitch and moan about things that other people would find amazing. Scott said that's one of the things that he finds annoying. He said Howard isn't as happy as he could be.
Richard came in so Jon asked if he thinks he was successful before he got on the show. Richard said he did get to tour the world and play with his favorite band. He said that he was living in a storage unit but he got to play in the band Death and got to see the world. He said he considers that successful. Jon asked if he thinks he can move on and do other things. Richard said he thinks everyone there can do that. He said Howard puts down the staff but the staff all work for the best entertainment show of all time. He said they deserve more credit than what they get.
Gary asked Richard what he would say he does there. Richard said he wouldn't call himself a writer but he would like to do something along those lines. He said that Fred is heading up their writing team and he thinks that they are doing a great job. He said Gary would probably like to do something in sports. Gary said he's not sure he'd want to work in radio after this. Gary said he's already done the best radio show ever. Gary said that working for a lesser talent in radio might not do it for him. He may not have a choice though. Richard said he didn't think Howard was going to get as mad at him as he did with Steve. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how he was explaining to the boys that he has a lot of experience in life. He said that when you're a married guy and you start to fuck around you have to go with crazy women. He said that nice looking women who are normal are not going to get involved. Howard said if you're married you get involved with someone who is fucked up as can be. Howard said that's how it works. He was talking about David Petraeus. He said you never put anything in writing either. He said that's how you get caught.
Robin said they were writing email and not sending it. Robin said they would put it in draft messages and then they'd go into each other's email. Howard said if you need to contact a broad you just call. Robin said you can get caught that way too. Howard said it's less likely. Howard said email is too easy. Robin said you have to go with a code of some sort. Robin said you have to do it like a business transaction.
Howard said Bradley Cooper is coming in today. He said he saw his new movie and really liked it.
Gary came in and said he heard that Petraeus was using the same code that Al Qaeda uses to contact each other by putting things in their drafts. Howard said Gary must have missed that conversation. He said he must be too busy with his egg whites out there.
Howard said Richard could never get a job at Letterman or Conan or anything like that. He said they hire people from ivy league schools. Howard said it's a very elitist kind of thing.
Richard came in and said he's sorry but he's not even sure what he did. Howard said Richard is a dummy and he doesn't know what he's talking about.
Howard said Scott the Engineer is another retard. He went off on him over some of the stuff he was talking about on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he's a fucking idiot. Howard said Scott was talking about how he doesn't appreciate having his parents around. Howard said he really wishes he could fire Scott. He said you have to hear this clip too.
Howard played a clip of Scott talking about how Howard complains about things that he really shouldn't complain about. Robin said this is a guy who talked himself out of the block party shows. Howard said he was getting thousands of dollars to stand on stage for a few minutes.
Howard said he was talking to Ronnie about Steve Brandano. He said he was carrying on about the White Stripes yesterday. He said he sounds like a kid who has never done anything. Richard said that show really gets them in trouble.
Gary said the Wrap Up Show really does get them in trouble. Gary said that Scott did the contest and then he goes on the Wrap Up Show and starts blabbing away. Howard said the engineer on other shows never gets any attention. He said Scott is the one who's unhappy but he's saying that he's the unhappy one.
Scott came in and said that he never said that he was unhappy. He said he was unhappy about someone stealing from him. Howard said that Mr. Happy just entered the room. Scott said that everyone bitches and moans around there. Robin said that Scott was hired so he could eat at those block party shows. Scott said this is why he said he was jealous of Howard's hair in the game they played. Howard said all of these lunatics work for him.
Howard played more of Scott talking about him on the Wrap Up Show. Scott was saying that Howard doesn't appreciate having his parents around so they can stay at his house when their power is out. Howard said that Scott's parents probably killed themselves to avoid staying at his house. Howard said that no one knew Scott's name when he worked at WPLJ. Howard said all he does is give these guys credit. He said he should stop with that.
Scott was talking about how Howard thinks everything is a bother in life. Howard pointed out that Scott is the one who didn't come to work before the hurricane even hit. Howard said everything in life is a bother to Scott.
Howard said he isn't unhappy. He said he's happy sitting at home and reading the newspaper. Howard said he bounds up the steps with happiness. Howard said being home is what makes him happy. Scott was talking about Howard bitching an moaning about those things on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said Scott sits home imagining what his life is like at home. Howard did his impression of Scott and goofed on him about what he was talking about. Howard said Scott invented bitching and moaning. He said he likes how people project onto him their personality.
Howard said Scott was bitching about his knees hurting yesterday. Howard told Scott to apply that thought of complaining about things to himself. He asked Scott how he thinks Eric the Actor would feel.
Howard picked up on Eric and asked how he would feel if he had legs that worked. Eric said he has legs. Howard said they don't work though. Howard asked if he would love to have a pair of legs that would make him 6 feet tall. Eric said they don't make him that tall. Eric said he would like to be able to answer this question. He said his legs do work to an extent. He can't walk with them though.
Howard said they did give Eric an IQ test. He said it was very low though. Eric said it was a 90. Howard asked again if he would like to have legs that work but he'd have some knee pain. Eric said he has knee pain already. Howard said that's not what he's asking. Howard tried to explain his question to Eric but Eric kept saying he already has knee problems. Howard said he's not understanding what he's asking. Howard said he's trying to make a point. Howard said Scott is complaining about his knee pain but he shouldn't be complaining if he uses his own logic. Howard explained that to Eric and then just gave up.
Howard had a guy on the line named Booger so that's why he got on that Booger discussion. Booker told Howard that the staff there are always out there partying and having a great time. He asked if Howard and Beth are having problems because of the whole thing he talked about yesterday. Howard said he should have put up with anything that night but he blew it. Howard said he wasn't a good husband. He said he should have given more to her and he should have figured out a way to put a smile on his face and get them into the movie. He said he didn't come through for her.
Howard said he has asked people how they keep in check with stuff like that. He said he tends to go inward. Howard said Sandra Bernhard told him yesterday how he should catch himself and go make time for his wife. Robin said it's much harder for women to do that than men. Robin said every woman thinks the whole world is about them. Howard said he's like a woman in that way. He said that's because of his mom.
Howard said he's always looking for advice on relationships. He said that's why it's doing well. He said he's trying to not make it about him all the time. He said he's not successful every time though.
Howard said he had a meeting with a bunch of the guys yesterday and he was telling them how much he appreciates their work. He said you don't hear about that on the air.
Howard said that he had a Chuck Zito game to play and asked Booger if he wanted to play. Booger was up for it so Howard explained how they will be playing. He said they have a 50/50 game and you have to guess what Chuck's answer will be. They asked him if he prefers Jews or Blacks first. Booger said he thinks it'll be the Jews. Chuck's answer was Jewish.
Howard said that was just a test question. He said that whatever Chuck comes up with is right. He said he'd like to see anyone tell him he's wrong. Howard played the first question that will count. They asked if he prefers Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan. Booger said he thinks it'll be Lindsay. Chuck's answer was Lindsay Lohan.
Howard played the next question where they asked if Chuck prefers Mitt Romney or Barack Obama. Howard said he's trying to think about how he'll answer. He said he does hang out with show business people who are more liberal usually. Booger said he's thinking that he'll go with Obama. Howard locked him in and played Chuck's answer. Chuck said he likes Romney.
In the next one they asked Chuck if he prefers to punch someone in the face or crack them in the ribs. Booger said he thinks it'll be the face. Howard said he agrees. Howard said Chuck likes to knock people out by punching them in the face. He said this should be a slam dunk. Howard played his answer and Chuck said a good punch in the face lasts longer.
Howard said that Booger only needs one more right. In the next question they asked Chuck if he prefers boxers or briefs. Howard said that was too easy so he just played it. He doesn't wear any but he prefers briefs. The next one was about BJs or intercourse and Chuck said he likes BJs.
In the next one they asked if Chuck prefers to cum on a woman's face or have them swallow a load. Booger said he's going to say Chuck will say swallow the load. Chuck's answer was ''Swallowing my load.''
Howard said Booger is the man. He just won $500 courtesy of the Ninja Kitchen System. Howard said he has to go collect it from Chuck. Booger said he won't get it then. Howard said he was just kidding. Howard put Booger on hold to collect his prize.
Howard had some more. He had Beer or Wine. Chuck went with Wine. Howard said he had Clooney or Pitt. Chuck said he would go with Bradley Pitt because he knows him. Howard said he had De Niro or Pacino. Robin and the guys were guessing who he'd like. Chuck's answer was De Niro.
Howard said he has Hindus or Hispanics. Chuck went with Hispanics. Howard said they had Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy. Howard said Chuck doesn't care about either one. Chuck's answer was Wheel of Fortune because of Vanna White.
Howard said that's how you play the Chuck Zito game. Howard congratulated Booger again and thanked the Ninja Kitchen System for the prize money. Howard wrapped up the game and said they'll be back with the game as soon as someone is brave enough to ask Chuck questions. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he loves that song. He said Kid Rock and Bradley Cooper are stopping by today. He said he hopes Steve Brandano is okay with Kid Rock coming in today. He said that they shouldn't even be talking. They should let that song play.
Howard said they sent Medicated Pete to the Exxxotica Expo and he ended up in a cage and things like that. Howard said he had some chick electrocuting his penis. Howard said Pete when into the bathroom to take a piss and he had his microphone on. Howard said he was listening to his Tourette's while he peed and it's wild. Howard played the clip and Pete was making all kinds of noises while he was trying to pee. Howard said he thinks he gets off on peeing. Howard said it sounds gross when he's peeing but he let the clip play. Howard said you have to hear the end of it. After Pete peed and snorted during the whole thing you hear Pete moaning. Howard said he feels for that dude. He said he's tortured.
Howard said Bradley Cooper should fuck Holly Petraeus. Howard said that she feels so bad about herself that she needs that. Bradley came in while Howard was talking about that. He said his wife wishes that he was in the shower with him. Howard said they were talking about Bradley and how he was named the sexiest man in the world. Howard said that must be great when you get something like that. Howard said he would never get named anything like that. Howard said he was in a furniture store trying to buy a chair and this gorgeous girl was in the store. He said he spotted her and he figured she'd never want him. Howard said she came running up to him and said she would give him her number only if he promised to call her. Howard said this was long before he was married of course. Howard said it felt so powerful. He said Bradley must feel that all the time. Bradley said it doesn't happen. He said he swears to god it does not happen. Howard said he's shocked.
Howard said he loved his new movie. He said it was very romantic. Bradley said that the director is great. He said he flipped out when he found out Howard wasn't at the premiere. He said his agent has listened to Howard every day since he was born. He said his agent told him that Howard left. Howard said he really should have stayed. He said Beth was all decked out and she looked great. Howard said he was thrown by everything going on around him.
Bradley said that screenings are horrible. He said he hates making people wait and these premieres never start on time. He said people sit for an hour waiting for the fucking star to show up. He said he hates that. Bradley said they went to a premiere once and told him to go around the block a couple of times to kill time. Bradley said he had nothing to do.
Howard said Beth said she wanted to go to the premiere and he knew they were going to start it late. He said that it was supposed to start at 7 but Bradley emailed him later and told him it didn't start until 8:30. Bradley said he will go at like 6:30 and greet the fans. He said that night he had another event and he had the press line to go through too. He said it makes him crazy. Howard said he's not sure why they invite people for a 7 o'clock movie and start it an hour and a half later. Howard said they have to be on time.
Bradley said when he was a kid he wasn't like that. He said he had a teacher who schooled him so hard about making people wait and how that's wasting people's lives. Howard said he feels the same way. Bradley said being on time is the uncool thing to do though. Howard said he's right but he's not sure who has the time to go to a movie like that and sit around.
Bradley thanked Howard for making the effort to come out. Howard said he blew it. He said he did the right thing by leaving though. He said that he couldn't wait until 8:30 for the movie to start.
Howard said the woman in the movie with him is very intriguing. Howard said her name is Jennifer Lawrence. Howard said he bought into the relationship and he thought they had chemistry. Howard said she had her belly exposed in the dance scenes. Howard said he doesn't see how he doesn't fall in love with his co-stars. Howard asked about his girlfriend Zoe and Bradley didn't want to talk about her. Howard said that they don't talk about that stuff and he's not sure why. Bradley said he just doesn't talk about certain things. Howard asked why he brought his mom to the movie. Bradley said she's family. He said he told Howard last time that he doesn't talk about this stuff.
Howard figured that Bradley has other women that he doesn't want knowing he has a girlfriend. Bradley didn't want to talk about any of that.
Howard brought up the Petraeus case again and talked to Bradley about how they were contacting each other with draft emails. Bradley didn't know about that. Howard said that if he was fucking Zoe Saldana he wouldn't read the papers either. Howard said Bradley doesn't even know how the election turned out.
Howard said this movie Bradley is in is called Silver Linings Playbook. Howard said that he plays a guy with Asperger's. Howard said that he was very annoying in the beginning of the movie. He said that he had to tell Beth about it since she didn't get to see it yet. Howard said he almost walked away from it. Howard said Jennifer Lawrence is so hot he doesn't know how he didn't fall in love with her on set. Bradley asked if Howard fell for Mary McCormack. Howard said he did. He said he fell in love with every woman who worked on that movie. Howard said he falls in love very easily. Howard said he just lusts after them.
Bradley said Jennifer is an incredible human being. He said she was 21 when she shot that movie. He said that she's very beautiful. Howard said some of the guys think she's kind of ''thick'' but he thought she was hot. Bradley said that she really is hot and she was even thinner so the director asked her to put on some weight.
Howard asked if he was intimidated to work with De Niro. Bradley said he worked with him on Limitless so he knew him already. He said he was fine. Howard said he never gets to hang out with the guy. Bradley said he hung out with him last night. Howard said Bradley doesn't drink anymore. Howard asked what happened to him that made him stop. Howard answered for him and said he fell on his head and that made him stop. Bradley said he wasn't able to handle his alcohol. He said that you make decisions in your life and that's what he did when he was 29.
Howard asked if he had plastic surgery when he was 15. Bradley said he had a glass lamp fall on his face when he was 15. He said he had blood all over and it could have made a mess. Howard said if he had a face that was destroyed he could have had no career. Bradley said he was very lucky and the lamp smashed his face to the left. He said it was one of those green glass lawyer lamp shades. He said that he grew up in Philly and the house was over 100 years old. He said his parents bought this antique lamp and they still feel guilty about the lamp falling. He said it was hung up over his bed and it fell on his face. He said he remembers walking into the kitchen and his mom started screaming. He said that his grandfather grabbed his head and put it under his elbow and drove him to the hospital. He said it was really crazy.
Howard said Bradley grew up wealthy and he had a big, beautiful home. Howard said it caused him shame. Bradley said it was the opposite. He said he didn't really think about it. He said then he went to a private school and he felt embarrassed that they didn't have enough when he saw what the other kids had. He said he grew up amazing so that was just a crazy thought. He said your priorities are just out of whack. He said he got arrested at 15 and he was kind of proud of that. He said that's how out of whack he was.
Bradley said he was arrested for underage drinking. He said he couldn't get his license for 2 years after that. He said that one of the cool kids was kind of belligerent and they had him handcuffed. He said that he was thinking about all of the wrong shit. He said the other kid was drinking from the cop's coffee cup. He said his parents came in with their Lhasa Apso dog saying that their son doesn't drink.
Howard said he would have shit his pants if he was arrested. Howard said his friends used to play a game to see how much they could shoplift. Howard said he only stole something once in his life. He said he stole a tie tack. He said he felt so guilty and he thinks he went and put it back. Howard said his cousin was with him and he knew it was wrong. He said his friends ended up getting arrested that day. He said he figured that God was watching out for him. Howard said it would have been the end if he had been caught. Bradley said his father would have killed him if he did that.
Bradley said he was at a Wawa once. He said that's like a 7 Eleven. He said that his friends pocketed some stuff and two of the guys got caught. He said that he was about to piss himself. He said that the woman started blaming him and he didn't have anything. They choked his pockets and he didn't have anything. He said all of his friends got caught and they wanted him to testify that they didn't do it. He said he got black listed from his friends. Bradley said that this was a private school and the other parents asked him to lie to protect their kids. He said his father laid into a guy when he asked him to do that. He said he was so glad he didn't have to go to court and lie.
Howard brought up the movie again and talked about how great it is. He said that one of the guys from Boardwalk Empire plays his brother in the movie. They spent a minute talking about Boardwalk Empire after that.
Bradley told Howard about hanging out with De Niro and how you end up with him in your face after 10 minutes or so. He said that he talks very softly so you have to lean in and listen. He said you do that as long as he'll stay. Howard asked if anyone bothers them. Bradley said not one person bothered them. He said the hotel is kind of dark though.
Howard said he's sorry that he didn't stick around at the premiere. Bradley said it's fine. He said he really didn't want to talk about the whole thing. Howard said he's in bed by 9 and he really couldn't stick around. He said it's better that he saw it at home. Howard said all he can think about is people coughing on him.
Howard asked Bradley if he worries about his looks. He asked if they're doing another Hangover. Bradley said they are working on Hangover 3 and they just shot some stuff in Vegas. He said they'll shoot the rest in Los Angeles. He said that they have everyone coming back. He said Todd Phillips is a massive fan of Howard's. He said he was so happy he was going to be on the show. Bradley said that Todd told him that everything else doesn't matter but going on the Stern Show is a huge deal.
Howard asked Bradley if he thought doing two Hangover movies was too much. Bradley said he would do anything that Todd asked him to do. He said that the guy is a great director. Howard said he got a $15 million payday too. Bradley said that's just insanity.
Howard said he loved the movie ''The Words'' but the critics destroyed it. Bradley said that his friend wrote the movie and he was destroyed. Howard said that he loved the movie. He told him to tell his friend that. Howard asked Bradley if he thinks that his friend took advantage of him by putting him in the film. Bradley said no way. He said he loved the movie too. Bradley said he got killed by the critics too.
Howard asked if Bradley was sorry he did Hit & Run with Dax Sheppard. Bradley said no way. He said that movie was made for $1.5 million and it made $15 million. He said that's a great thing.
Howard asked Bradley about working with Jennifer Lawrence and the chemistry they had. Bradley said that she puts you at ease. He said she has a boyfriend though. Howard said that he would bet that he fucked her. Bradley said he swears to god he didn't do anything with her. Howard said he must have thought about her. Bradley said that he's not Jimmy Carter. Howard said he doesn't get how he can work day after day with her and not do anything. Howard said he fucks Robin once in a while just to shut her up. Howard said he would be a shitty partner if he didn't.
Bradley said that it would change everything if he did that. He said that Jennifer has a boyfriend so he just can't do anything like that. Howard said he could do it. Howard said he would fuck her if he wasn't with Beth. Howard said he would fuck women if they had husbands. Howard said he had a girl come on to him and she was with a friend of his. He said that he asked the friend if he could do that and he said it was fine so he fucked her and never heard from her again.
Robin said Howard is so vulnerable to a beautiful woman that he would forget about the other man. Howard said he would stick to the man code if the dude is a friend. Howard said if he worked with Jennifer Lawrence and he wasn't with Beth he would fuck her. Howard said he would never screw things up with Beth though. Bradley said that it's very clear that Howard is Beth's man when you're around them. Howard said he feels like such a man around her. Howard said if Jennifer had a boyfriend and not a husband he would fuck her. He said that's as long as the other guy isn't a friend.
Bradley said that he doesn't have a problem with his girl when it comes to working with someone like Jennifer. Howard said Bradley might be gay. He said that he's either gay or slightly evolved. Bradley said there are a lot of rumors about him on the internet.
Howard said Sir Roger Moore was on the show the other day and he said that every man in Hollywood is accused of being gay. Bradley said he worked with Roger on Alias. He said he was a great guy. They talked about how Moore said that Cary Grant wasn't gay but he had a lot of rumors about that. They said he was an acid head from what they had read. Howard asked Bradley if he did acid. Bradley said he didn't want to talk about that stuff.
Howard said he doesn't get why Bradley doesn't bring his girlfriend out to movie premieres and stuff. Bradley said he likes taking a girl out to a regular movie just as much. He said you have to respect the other person too.
Howard said he talked to Chris Martin about going out with Gwyneth and he figured that she was the one who didn't want to walk on the red carpet with him.
Howard asked Bradley if he met Zoe's parents. Bradley just brushed that off saying he didn't want to talk about it. Howard asked if he's racist and that's why he won't walk the red carpet with her. Bradley said that's not it at all.
Howard asked Bradley if he thinks about his looks because he is a good looking man. Howard talked about how he still has his hair and he didn't get any weird scars on his face. Bradley said he actually does have a massive scar from that lamp. Howard said he would be paranoid to go play sports and stuff. Bradley said ''Oh fuck no!'' He said that he doesn't worry about that stuff. Howard said he should. Bradley said he has never worried about messing up his face. Bradley said he rides a motorcycle everywhere. Howard said he must be out of his mind. Howard said he knows guys who lose their leg riding a motorcycle. Bradley said he loves it though. Howard said it's the dumbest thing and he should stop. Robin asked what's so great about it that he has to ride. Howard said he should just sit on a stationary bike and put the helmet on with a fan on.
Bradley said he grew up in a house with tons of mirrors. He said he hates mirrors. He said he was in Vegas and he had mirrors all over and it bothers him. He said he doesn't like seeing himself. Bradley said that he has never been burdened with being the best looking guy. Howard asked if he was a douche in high school. Howard said he was a douche. He said he's the guy that no one knows. He said he was like an invisible giraffe. Howard asked if he dated in high school Bradley said he did. He said he had a cool girlfriend. He said he wasn't into sports or anything back then. He said the girls is still a great friend of his. He said that they're still in touch and she's married to a great guy. He said she's still beautiful too.
Howard gave Bradley a plug for the movie. He said it's in limited release this Friday. Bradley said they have a lot of big movies coming out so the best way to market the movie is to just watch it. He said you show the movie and hope that people spread the word. Bradley said that's what they did with The Hangover. He said that it didn't hit number 1 until the third weekend. He said it was the same with Wedding Crashers. Bradley said these days if you don't open at number 1 you're screwed.
Howard asked if Bradley watches a lot of movies. Bradley said he loves movies. He said he has seen Silver Linings Playbook about 9,000 times because he executive produced it and had to see it during editing. He said that he forgets that he's even on screen and he watches the movie overall. He said he wants to look at it like he's just another actor and wonders if he is able to help the story.
Howard asked Bradley why he never sees him out on dates. Bradley said he doesn't go out much. Howard said he wonders what's going on there. Howard asked where he lives. Bradley said he lives in Philly. Howard said it's no wonder he never sees him. Bradley said he lives in Los Angeles too.
Howard asked if Bradley is supposed to work with Beyonce. Bradley said no. Howard asked if he has ever fucked a married woman. Bradley said he didn't want to go there. Howard said he screwed up and did that. Howard said Bradley must have. Bradley said he doesn't talk about that kind of stuff. Howard said he just wants him to say he broke the man code. Bradley said you do learn lessons in life and that's how you learn them.
Howard said he read that he's going to be in a movie with Emma Stone. Howard asked if he'll fuck her. Bradley said no way. Howard said Bradley snubbed Dita Von Teese. Bradley said that never happened. He said the story was a complete lie.
Howard said he could never be friends with people. He said he has Jimmy Kimmel over but he talks to him for 5 minutes and dismisses them. Howard asked how he talks to De Niro. Howard asked Bradley what he does after talking for a half hour. Bradley said that he likes to just be in the presence of a friend. He said that's what he does with De Niro a lot. He said they just sit there and hang out. Howard said he doesn't even know what that means. Bradley said you just sit there and get into the other person's rhythm. Howard said he can't do that.
Howard said he is uncomfortable being in a room with someone while it's quiet. Howard said Beth used to be like that. He said he thought she didn't love him because she wasn't talking. Howard said he had to learn that it was okay. Bradley said that De Niro will just hang out and say something once in a while. He said that's okay.
Bradley said Howard has been very nice to him. He said that was a big thing to come out to the movie the other night. He said he thinks something might happen. Howard said he has Jimmy over and they talk but then Jimmy leaves. He said he doesn't know what to do.
Howard gave Bradley some more plugs and Bradley said he wanted to talk about how great Chris Tucker was in the movie. Howard said he hardly had a part in the movie. Bradley said the guy hasn't done any movies in 10 years. Howard said he thought he was good in the movie but he wasn't in it much. Bradley said it was great to have him back in a movie though.
Howard said he just wants to hang out with Bradley and not say anything. Bradley stopped talking and Howard only lasted about 2 seconds before he had to say something. Howard said he doesn't like hanging out. He said he's going to try reading the paper instead. Howard did that and stayed quiet for 3 seconds before asking Bradley if he was having a good time.
Bradley said that he'll hang out with De Niro and he'll hear him breathing through his nose. He said that's kind of cool though. Howard asked Bread if hanging with him is better than with De Niro. Bradley said it absolutely was.
Howard asked if he's going to bring The Elephant Man to Broadway. Bradley said he is. Howard said he's not going to wear any make up though. Bradley said that's what the producer wanted. Howard said that he did his Elephant Man impression for him the last time he was on. Bradley said they're hoping to do the Elephant Man thing in spring of 2014. Howard asked what he'll do if he gets a bad review. Bradley said you have to take the risk.
Howard said they had a picture of him in the part of Elephant Man. Bradley said he didn't want them to take those pictures. He said that playing the part is actually really great. He said that he evolves into John Merrick during the play. He said that's why they don't use the prosthetics. Howard wanted to do Dueling Elephant Man with Bradley. Howard said he has to do it. Bradley said he won't do it. He said the reason why is because he was a real guy and he feels weird. Robin said he won't do it because Robert De Niro would never do Taxi Driver for him.
Howard said that he's going to do his Elephant Man. Howard did his impression and did his voice. Fred played Dueling Banjos in the background. Howard asked Bradley to go but Bradley was cracking up and said he can't do it. Howard asked what Elephant Man's big line is in the play. Bradley told him to say ''Sometimes I think my head is so big because it's so full of dreams.'' Howard did the line as Elephant Man. Fred played the Dueling Banjos thing again but Bradley wasn't playing. Howard did his line again. Bradley said that he has good teeth. Howard said he just fixed them. Howard said they were a mess. Bradley said he just saw a bunch of piano keys in his mouth. Howard said he thinks he's done with him now.
Bradley said that Zach Galifianakis goofs on Ed Helms about his teeth all the time. He said he made a joke about his teeth on set the other day and said that he had a piano in his mouth. Howard said he has a couple of guys like that there. Howard asked if he still hangs out with Zach. Bradley said he doesn't as much because he stopped dipping. He said he used to dip but he had to stop because he was afraid of mouth cancer.
Howard said Bradley was great in this movie Silver Linings Playbook. Howard said he's in it with Jennifer Lawrence. He said she was in Hunger Games but he thought that movie was a piece of shit. Howard said he would bang her silly after seeing her in this movie. Howard said she was very good in it. Howard said that's only in a world without Beth that he'd bang her.
Bradley said he hopes that people go to see this movie. He said he loves coming on the show. He said it's very comfortable to come in there. Howard said he loves having him there. He said they learned a lot about his parents dropping a lamp on him. He said that they probably did that on purpose. Howard asked if Jennifer ever talked about Howard. He said probably not. Bradley said he can't remember. Howard told Bradley to give his best to Zoe. He said that he should let her be fully nude and fully free with her body with him. Bradley didn't say a word. He just laughed.
Howard said Kid Rock is going to be in next. Bradley said he did a great video with Sean Penn. Bradley said he'd love to talk to him about that. Howard said he has to take a break and that might throw off the flow. Bradley said that the video is great and he has to talk to him about it. He said it was about bringing the red and blue states together. Howard said he didn't want to get into all of that. He wrapped up with Bradley and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he hasn't seen Kid Rock in a long time. Howard said that he never ages. He said he must live a health lifestyle. Then he realized he doesn't live a healthy lifestyle. Howard said it must be the pussy.
Kid asked Howard what's up with the scruff. Howard said he got that from him. He said he has his cowboy boots on too. Howard said Kid has evolved into a guy who used to be a rapped but then he was a singer and then he put out country albums. Kid said he did some country songs. Howard said he fucked Sheryl Crow too. Kid said Howard would do the same thing if he were him.
Howard said Kid loves Detroit and Michigan. Kid said he's proud of where he comes from. He said he's proud of the heritage and history of the city he came from. Kid said that when you get a lot of people together who care about something then you can make things change. Howard said he thought he was into Obama but he was into Mitt Romney. Kid said he was. He said that he came into the business with two middle fingers up. He said he just wanted to piss people off. He said he didn't know he could do the same with politics.
Howard said most people don't know jack shit about politics anyway. Kid said that's right and he's not sure why anyone would listen to him or Bruce Springsteen.
Kid said that he told people that anyone can use his song in their campaigns and he said if Mitt used his song ''So Hot'' he would vote for him.
Howard said that Mitt's people called Kid and asked him to meet Mitt. Howard asked what they call him. Kid said they probably called him Bobby. Howard asked why he can't call him Bobby. Kid said he can call him anything he wants.
Howard said Kid was married to Pam Anderson like four times. Kid said that being married sucks ass but getting married rocks. Howard asked Kid why he wakes up when he gets married. Kid said that he can't believe that they're rehashing this. Howard said he didn't plan on it. Kid said that when he saw that the marriage was affecting his son, that's when he realized things weren't right. He said that he didn't want to get into the specifics. He said it was culture shock for his son and he was going to Malibu High School. He said that was a shock on its own. He said his son got out of the first day of school and he was all shook up. He said all of the kids there were riding skateboards and doing drugs. He said he told his son ''Hey, stay off of those skateboards.'' He said he was lightening the mood. Kid said that they also saw a sign at school that explained why they can't use the word ''gay'' there so he and his son looked at the sign and said ''That sign is gay.''
Kid said that people think that he's some kind of asshole or something. He said he never worries about his image though. He said that he learned early on that you can have a lot of fun and not be a dick about it. Howard asked if his son was happy he broke things off with Pam. Kid said that his son told him he wanted him to be happy and that made him cry. He said he never cries but that made him cry. He said his son was a total trooper and put up with it. He said his son is 19 now and he's in his second year of college. Kid said he remembers being on the show years ago and not being able to talk about certain things because he was in a custody battle. He said it was a crazy time for him but he got full custody of his son.
Kid said that his son was thrown into his lap when he was about 6 months old. He said the mother wanted to come back when he was about 6 or 7 and when he had some money in his bank account. He said that they have worked through things and they're cordial now. He said that his son keeps in touch with her a little bit.
Howard said that Detroit was a big music area when he was working there. Howard said Kid still lives there. Howard said he started a beer company there because he was pissed at the big beer companies who moved out of the area. Howard said he was a Coors drinker and he had an endorsement deal with them. Kid said that Coors sold to the Canadians and he was upset that they weren't able to make anything in this country. Kid said he knows music and he knows about beer so he started his own company. He said the beer is called Bad Ass Beer. Howard said it's all made in America. Kid said the brewery went under so they have to start up again at the start of the year. He said the brewer was in debt and he thought that he was going to be a bank. He said he tired to help him out as much as he could but it was a lot of money. He said they'll be back by the first of the year.
Kid said the beer business is really cut throat. He said he can only sell it in Michigan because they can't kick him out of there. He said he doesn't need the money but he's trying to do something positive there. Kid said he will sell his beer half the price of other beer and they don't like that. Howard said he loves that he has the power to do that. Kid said he tells them that he will go out there bad mouthing their beer if they try to shut him out.
Howard said 1/3 of all of his ticket sales come out of Michigan too. Howard said that's pretty good. He could make a living just staying in that state. Kid said he went out and did some club dates in the area and raised some money. He said he was meeting people who are hurting and it's really a mind fuck. He said that it's great to hang out with these people but it's very draining too.
Howard asked Kid about getting the call from Mitt Romney's people. Kid said that's a real mind fuck. He said he had a list of questions for the guy that he wrote down. He said he only had 45 minutes with him so he had to write them down. Kid said Romney actually came to his house. He said the Secret Service came in and checked out his house. He said he had a rifle hanging over his fireplace so they were asking if it fires and things like that.
Howard said that Kid is into guns. Kid said he just hung out with Ted Nugent and went hunting for deer with him. He said that they got some white tail deer. He told Howard what hunting with him is like and why it's so great. Kid said that Ted speaks in t-shirts. He said he will say things like ''I didn't invent 'Fuck You.' I just perfected it.''
kid told Howard he was critical of Howard doing America's Got Talent. He said that he was like ''Nooo!''' when he heard he was going to be doing the show. Kid asked if he did it for the money. Howard said he didn't do it for the money. He said Steven Tyler did it for the money. Howard said he really didn't do it for the money. Howard said he had a feeling that people were going to be upset with him for doing the show. He said he is a huge fan of that show and that's why he did it. Kid was laughing at Howard for saying that. Howard said he's being serious. Howard said Kid must have gotten the same thing when he came out for Romney. Kid said he did.
Howard said he hates the guys who are undecided. He said he also hates the people who don't vote. Howard got back to the Romney thing and asked about what that was like. Kid said that he started out in the business to get a hot piece of ass and maybe a new car. He said that he never thought he'd be doing this.
Kid said that he hung out with Axl Rose and worked with him. He said he's on the outs with Slash now that he did that. He said Axl is a really sweet guy though. Kid said that if you say anything about anyone like that they will find out about it and get pissed. Howard asked if he hangs out with Eminem. Kid said he had dinner with him at his house and it was kind of strange. He said they were eating at his nice dinner table and they were laughing about how this all worked out. Howard said Eminem seems to have taken the quiet road lately.
Howard said that Bradley Cooper was in there talking about hanging with De Niro. He asked if Kid does anything like that. Kid said that he does hang out with Hank Williams Jr. He said they're going to go hunting too. He told Howard what that's like. They will go bow hunting and they will text while hanging out in different blinds. Kid said he has some property next to Hank's down in Alabama. He said it's really nice down there. He said he put a double wide on that property.
Howard said that these guys all hang out and he doesn't do that. Kid said he used to have Howard's number and he'd ask him to go out to dinner and he'd never hear back from him. Howard said that's because he doesn't know how to hang out. Kid said if he can't just hang out then he's hanging out with knucklehead's. Howard said he just worries that Kid is going to be bored.
Howard asked Kid about the Mitt Romney meeting and said that Kid is having a really interesting life. Kid said that if he died tomorrow he would have made it to the bonus round in life. He said that he is having a fun time.
Howard said that Kid must want to be on his own when he writes his songs. Kid said that's just something he does. He said he doesn't have to have his own time. He said he writes all the time. Howard asked if he has notepads. Kid said he'll put them in his phone if he doesn't have a notepad around. Howard told him to give him some stuff he wrote down. Kid said he has some stuff on his iPhone. He said he could play it from the phone for Howard. Howard asked what he plays them into on the phone. Kid said he just talks into it. Howard said he isn't working it very well and he can't find the clip. Kid was trying to find the clip. He was playing it but it wasn't coming out. He eventually got to play. Kid was reciting some lyrics into the phone. Howard said he just speaks it into his iPhone. Howard said the way he works an iPhone he's probably lost a lot of stuff. Kid said he's just learning to use it. He said he only has like 4 or 5 on there. Kid said he usually jots them down on paper.
Howard said he saw Billy Gibbons recently. He said that John Varvatos, who dresses him for America's Got Talent... Kid stopped him and told him that's gay. Howard said he needs someone to dress him. Howard said Billy Gibbons is underrated as a guitar player. Kid said that Jimi Hendrix once said that Billy Gibbons was his favorite guitar player.
Howard asked Kid about Romney coming to his house and what he asked him. Kid said that he asked George Bush once if he would be interested in helping him help the people of Detroit and Bush said no. He said bush wanted to go back home and go back to his life. Kid said that he wanted to ask Romney if he wanted to be President because his father was rich and he just wanted to be President. Kid said that Romney came over wearing jeans and a college shirt. He said he went to Romney and said he knew he was from there and asked if he would help him help Detroit. Romney said he would and he said he would help on any way he could. Kid said he told him that was good enough for him and he said he would vote for him. Kid said that he's not all for the republican party with the gay marriage thing and all of that though. He said he doesn't think Romney cares about that either.
Howard said that Kid has a new album out called ''Rebel Soul'' and he's changed with the times and he's selling his album on iTunes. Kid said that he was against them because they make all of the songs the same price. He said that you can't tell him that Bruce Springsteen should cost the same as his son's garage band.
Kid said that things are tough out there but anyone thinks they can make an album. He said all you have to do is make a good fucking song to make it in this business. He said you won't have a problem with anything if you can do that. He said it all falls into place if you can do that one thing. Robin asked what's going on with rock stations. Kid said nothing. He said that there are still some classic rock stations out there in Detroit. He said there are people who think that if it's not overproduced crap they won't play it. He said that they think it's country if it's not over processed.
Howard asked Kid if he thinks Steven ruined Aerosmith by going on American Idol. Kid said that it was just a side track thing. He said that it seemed like it was a spotlight thing and Steven just had to be there. He said it's like Kim Kardashian.
Howard gave Kid a plug for his album and said that it will be in stores soon. Howard said that hard work always wins out. He said that these kids go on the TV shows and think they're going to be big stars. Howard said Kid used to send him tapes when he was a kid. Kid said he'd like to walk up to Simon Cowell and punch him right in the face. Howard said Kid would call into the show after drinking for 5 days straight and he was out of his fucking mind. Kid said that once his son went to college he didn't have to be responsible anymore. He said he has this nice farm house and money in the bank. He said he thought things were going to get crazy but now he's up at 6 in the morning. He said he was out in Central Park this morning at 5 tweeting about how he misses his son and how nice it was in the park. He called himself a fag.
Howard asked Kid about Loretta Lynn and if he fucked her. Kid said he absolutely did. Howard said he is a freak. Howard asked if he really did. Kid said of course not. Howard said according to a web site called WhoDatedWho.com they say that he dated her. Kid said that's not true. Howard went through names like Jaime King, Pam Anderson and Sheryl Crow. Kid said dating Sheryl was like dating his sister. He said that was a mistake. He said he still thinks of her like his sister. Howard said Kid isn't in a relationship and he must not want to be in one.
Howard went through some more names of women Kid dated. He mentioned Paris Hilton and Kelly Pickler. Kid said that he didn't date Paris but he hung out with her. He said Kelly is like a sister to him too.
Howard played one of Kid's new songs called ''Let's Ride.'' Howard thought it was about sex but Kid said it's about the troops. Kid said that it's not a sappy country song or anything. Howard let the song play and talked it up like he was back at WNBC.
Howard told Kid the song is good. Kid said that it's not one of those over processed pop-rock songs. He said they don't want to play it on rock stations though. He said fuck all of them. He said that the song is raw and not overly processed. Howard said he was thinking Fred would like it. Fred said he does. Howard said he likes it. Kid thanked him for that.
After the song Kid and Howard talked about Joe C and how great he was. Kid said he loved coming on the show with him. He said that Joe loved when Howard would bust his balls. Howard said Joe had a ton of medical problems and he was a fixture at his shows. Howard said Joe loved Kid Rock and he loved being on stage. Kid said he was a great kid. He said that he popped out of Howard's birthday cake at his birthday show. Kid said his mother still has problems dealing with losing her son. He said he's not in touch with them as much as he should be. He said he has to fix that. Robin said they just brought the show to a screeching halt.
Howard asked if Kid has a girlfriend. Kid said he's not going to speak about that. Howard asked why everyone is not talking about this stuff. Howard said he doesn't get Kid. He said that he has to straighten his fucking head out. Howard said he adores his relationship with his wife and he is willing to talk about it. Kid asked if he has to do the same. Howard said he should. Howard said he seems like he's in a good place. Kid told him to give him a minute and he'll fuck it all up.
Howard asked if he's ever in New York. Kid said he's just a hop, skip and a jump away. Howard said maybe he will give him his new number. He said he knows it would be a disaster if he went to dinner with him.
Howard gave Kid some more plugs and said that they're doing a Playlist show with Kid next Monday night. Howard said he's glad he's doing that. Howard said Kid will do his own music special that night. Kid said he has some unheard bands like The Heathens. He said he doesn't know a lot about them but they have some great music. Howard said that should be interesting. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Robin said they are carrying on like women. Howard said they should kiss and make up. JD asked if they could just move on. Howard said he loves JD. Robin said he always has a problem with some guy on the show. He used to have the problem with Jared and now it's Jason. JD said he can't deal with people's attitudes on the show. Robin told him to calm down. JD yelled that he is calm.
Howard said before Thanksgiving break, which is today, he'd like to weigh people to see how much they gain. Jason said that his goal is to get thinner than JD so JD is the fat guy on the show. Howard had JD get on the scale. Jason said he'd bet he's over 210 pounds. JD weighed in at 206 pounds. Howard asked if he has someplace to go for Thanksgiving. JD said he will be in Florida with his mother. Howard said he's sorry. Howard told JD to go easy on the food this Thanksgiving.
Jason was next on the scale. Jason guessed he'd weigh about 260 or so. He came in at 265. Howard said he bets Tim will weight 10 pounds more after Thanksgiving.
Howard told Jon Hein to get on the scale too. He said Jon will come back fatter too. Howard said that Jon is 265 pounds. He said he spent 45 minutes talking to his shrink about Jon Hein. Howard said that he is very proud of Jon and he felt good about what he did for him. Howard said he is a great guy and he is so into the shows and channels. He said he was so proud to work with him. He said he spent 45 minutes talking to the shrink about that and had to pay about $500 to do that. Howard said most of his sessions are about Robin.
Gary asked Howard how much the show comes up in those sessions. Howard said it's a lot. He said he cried about Robin recently in one session. Robin said she thinks about Howard a lot too. Robin said that she almost cried over Howard but she stopped herself from crying by stopping talking about him.
Tim Sabean came in but said he didn't want to weigh himself. Howard told him to shut up and get on the fucking scale. Howard said maybe it will motivate him not to eat like a cow. Howard told him to get on the scale. Tim refused. Howard told him over and over to get on. He said he wants to know how much he gains. Tim said he will take his own measurements. Howard said he won't say anything if he's over 260 pounds. Howard said he can't say what his weight is now. Howard said it was 269. Tim said it was 169. Tim said he knows he's heavy. He said he has broken ribs so he can't move. He said Howard is destroying him. He said he may have to move in with him. Howard said he guarantees Tim comes back at 278 pounds. Tim said he guarantees it won't be that much.
Gary said that Tim has a new assistant there and she follows Tim everywhere. She was in the studio with him. Howard said he has no idea who she was. Her name is Elaine. Howard said hello to her and asked if she's shadowing him. She said she follows him around and gets him to go where he needs to go. Howard said he thinks she'll last 5 months. Elaine said she won't leave Tim. Howard said it's kind of creepy that she follows him around like that. Howard said he should have told him that she was his assistant.
Tim told her to tell them how busy they are. Elaine said they are very busy. She said that she's just trying to make sure he doesn't miss anything. Howard asked if Tim is busy. He said he's very busy. Howard said he weighs 269 pounds. Elaine said that she sent him a running app. Tim said he did run the other day with his son. He said he ran a block and walked a block and then ran another block. Howard said then he went out to eat. Tim said he did.
Tim said he's going on a fast. Howard told him not to do that. Just eat normal meals with small portions. Tim said he's going to get down to 200 pounds by January. Gary said that's only 8 weeks. Tim wanted to place a bet. Howard said he will never hit that goal. Robin said it was a ridiculous goal.
Howard said after Thanksgiving they'll weigh Tim in again. He said if he doesn't hit 200 pounds by January he has to get on the Sybian. Howard said Sal will give him a chocolate bandit mask. Gary asked them not to give him any chocolate.
Howard said it was nice to meet Elaine. He said it's nice to know when he has new people there. Howard asked her to sing for them. They told Howard that she's an opera singer. She sang a little Ave Maria for Howard. Howard said she brought tears to his eyes. Howard said that's how shitty the opera business is. She's following that elephant around with a pad of paper. Elaine said that she has to hustle a lot more with the economy the way it is. Howard sang a song to Elaine. She sang back to him in her opera voice. Robin joined in and asked questions in her opera voice. Howard wrapped up and finished his commercial.
Robin said she's upset that she didn't get invited to the Christmas party this year. Howard said of course she's invited. Howard said he'll check with Laura about that. Robin said she was completely unaware. Howard said that if Robin isn't on the list then there must be others. Howard said he's glad she said something. Howard said he throws a Christmas party every year since Sirius doesn't do it anymore. Howard said that they have a great time when they do. Howard said last year people took a vote and didn't want Robin there. He said he was just kidding. Howard said he's going to have to go over the list personally to make sure everyone was invited. Howard said that was a major faus paux. Howard said Robin is invited with a guest.
Howard said that his mother told him that he has to let people bring guests to parties. Howard said his mother used to get upset when she wasn't invited to the Christmas party when his dad was invited. Howard said that was just wrong. Howard said his mother would go on and on every year with that. He said she brought it up during the power outage too. Howard said the boss probably had a girlfriend there and he didn't want anyone knowing about it. Howard said that his mother said he was probably right.
Howard asked Gary if he's found out anything yet about Robin. Gary said he called Laura and she's looking into it.
Robin started the news talking about the Today show and how they're blaming Matt Lauer for the ratings fall. Howard said that they were blaming Ann Curry a few months ago. Howard said that they say that they found a memo where they say that Matt is the one. Howard said they're going to paint him as the loser now. Howard said he has to go in and do his job every day and ignore that. Howard said those shows all depend on the guests they have. Howard said they ruin people's careers when they do this. Howard said that you have to get as much money as you can while you can do it. He said they will fuck you over when you don't expect it. Howard said he was lucky that Mel Karmazin would come to his aid when he was being attacked. Howard said television is a tricky game. He said the executives run like rats when the ship starts sinking.
Robin read about the guy who voices Elmo. Robin said the guy who accused him of having underage sex with him has now come out and retracted his statement. Robin said the accuser has recanted the entire story. Howard said he thought that story smelled fishy yesterday. He said this guy came out and claimed he was a pervert and molested him. Howard said they took the word of that guy and let him smear his good name. Howard asked why they would take his word for it. Robin said this is bad for that guy and for people who are accused. Robin said he's muddying the water. Howard said he can't stand Elmo or that stupid voice but he'll support this guy Kevin Clash. Howard read a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break we heard a song parody about Tim Sabean breaking his ribs riding his motorbike. We also heard a Chanel No. 5 commercial parody with a Dice Clay impersonator. Fred also played some of AC/DC's ''Hell's Bells as they were coming back.
Howard came back and read another live commercial. He had Robin get to some more news after that. Robin read about how Rush won a rock and roll honor award. Robin said that they won a couple of awards for their latest album. Robin said that the guys from Rush swept the two major categories. Howard said he can't imagine being as passionate about a band as Jon Hein is. Howard said he doesn't get it. Fred did his Rush impression and Howard said they're fine but their songs never stuck in his head. Fred played Rush's ''Spirit of Radio'' and Howard talked it up like he was at WCCC. He said played that song back then. Howard hit the post and Robin was impressed. Howard said he liked the song because Sy Dresner would call him from the transmitter place and ask if he was playing a long record. He said he'd ask him to get the meter readings for him. Howard did his Sy Dresner impression and explained what he used to have to do. Howard said it's so Jon Hein to be passionate about Rush. Robin said they want to go to war for Rush.
Howard said if you asked him what he finds annoying about Jon Hein it's that passion about Rush and about Hockey. Jon came in and said that song is so great. Howard said it doesn't move him at all. He said it's an okay song. Jon asked him to back him up on this. Fred said it was an okay song back in its day. Jon said ''Working Man'' is another great song. Howard said he remembers having to sit through their songs when he worked at stations. Howard said it really is annoying that he's so passionate about the band. Howard said you just want the guy to shut up when he says he's so into Rush.
Howard told Jon he has to lose some weight. Jon said he is 6'3'' tall so that gives him some leeway. Richard came in so Howard and Fred were guessing what he was going to say about Rush. Richard said they took the words right out of his mouth. Richard said they said it all already. Richard said they sold out the arena he and Jon saw them play at. Howard said no one cares that much.
Richard said that he and Jon gave a studio tour to Neil Peart. He said that was a big deal because no one ever gets to meet the guy. Howard said no one wants to.
Howard said Jon Hein is going to be judging an eating contest. Jon said they saw him on his fast food show and they asked him to judge. Howard said he's judging a hamburger toppings contest and Jon doesn't even like toppings. Jon said he had to start eating them for the TV show and it wasn't so bad. Howard told Jon to lose weight. Jon said he likes the food way too much. He said he doesn't snack at all but he eats a lot of crappy food.
Howard said he must have massive turds. Richard said he'd check. Howard said he should skip the food and start masturbating instead. Howard said Richard looks good. He said he still drinks like a fish but he lost a lot of weight.
Robin said it looks like Richard has lost more hair. Howard said he noticed that in the meeting yesterday. Howard said Tim bought everyone pizza to eat during the meeting. Howard said it was depressing to watch them getting even fatter. Howard said Gange barely fit in his chair. Howard went into another live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to her news and read about a tribute to Eddie Murphy that's going to be on Spike TV tonight. Robin said they will have a bunch of special guests on the show.
Howard said to Robin ''One minute twenty three seconds...'' Robin asked what that was. Howard said that's how long Holly Petraeus was able to go without calling David Petraeus a fucking asshole. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that story. Howard said they're thinking of making a movie about that and Benjy was going to play Holly Petraeus.
Howard said that women like Bradley Cooper so much that even Robin dolled herself up and she's not even there. Howard asked if she's into him. Robin said he is a very good looking man. Howard said he doesn't want his wife hanging out around him. He said just having him sit next to him would make her realize what he looks like.
Howard said someone has to remind Steve the intern that his name is Steve the Intern and not Steve the Radio guy. Howard said he knows he's not an intern anymore but he still knows him as that.
Howard said that he didn't eat any of that pizza yesterday. He said he would have loved to have had a piece but he keeps the weight off by not eating it. Howard said that's the secret to losing weight.
Howard said there was a story about a woman who ran over her husband because she blamed him for Obama being reelected. Robin said there were a bunch of stories like that. Robin said one guy killed himself when Obama was reelected. Robin said a bunch of states are trying to secede from the country. Howard said we should let them go. Howard said they need to learn what will happen if they do that.
Howard said he bets that Scott DePace is all for that. Scott said that he would leave with them. He said he would move if they gave them the south. Robin said that they will all run back when they need something. Scott said they will have money when the rest of the country doesn't. Howard argued with Scott for a short time and then read another live commercial.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Long Island Power company is taking a lot of heat over the power outages. Robin said the head of the company is going to resign. Howard said that's good. He said that people should take responsibility. Robin said the governor has been putting a lot of pressure on them and they could lose their authority to be in control over Long Island power. Robin said they haven't kept up and they weren't prepared.
Robin said that a lot of people are upset about Obama winning and she thinks that people need to get in line and be more responsive to other people. Robin said they just want to secede instead. Howard said he once resigned from a game of cards because he didn't like it. He said that's like what these states are doing. He said it was kind of weird because it was a game of strip poker.
Robin read about the United States needing a lot of doctors in the future. Robin said that they'll need more for the baby boomers as they age. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about premature births in the country going up. Robin had some details about different states that were graded on health care for those babies. Howard said he misses those March of Dimes telethons. He said they were so great.
Robin read about this guy Dave Phillips threatening to punch a guy out after he was asked a question. Robin had some audio of him talking to the guy after he allegedly threatened to punch the guy out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he will teach the CIA how to cheat without getting caught. He said instead of sending text messages you use Words with Friends and flirt with people on there. He said you can chat in there and ask for a hand job or something. Howard asked if he's a married guy. The caller said he's single. Howard said he doesn't understand how the head of the CIA doesn't know how to get away with cheating. He said it's really not that hard. He said you never write each other. He said it was weird that they would write email and leave it in the draft folder. Howard said they would go into each other's draft folders to read the email. Howard said he's wondering what the fuck Petraeus was thinking. Howard said if he was going to go on a cheating mission he would think it through. Howard said he would need a chance of weathering the storm. Howard said it's crazy to give access to personal email. Howard said he must be a bad judge of character. Howard said he wouldn't write one single word of email to anyone. Howard said if some woman wrote to him talking about his cock he'd write back ''Who are you?''
Robin read about this woman who was involved with the Petraeus case and how she has had people harassing her. Howard said it's not funny to him. He said he's worried about the troops and the security of the country. Howard said he's worried about the ambassador who was killed.
Robin read about Dancing with the Stars which Howard hasn't been watching this season. Howard said he has seen some of the show but he doesn't watch it that much. Howard said he likes Kelly Monaco and another woman. He said he is kind of fascinated with Kirstie Alley. Howard said they signed Holly Petraeus for next season so they can turn her hot. Robin said Kirstie was kicked off this week. Robin had some audio of her talking to Jimmy Kimmel about how she won't be back unless they have seriously horrible dancers on the show. Howard said he really doesn't care. He said Jimmy doesn't either.
Robin read about a woman who was married to a child molester and had no idea. Robin said that the guy was allegedly molesting a child in the family. Robin had some audio of the woman talking about how angry she is at the guy and how she hates him but then she cries for him when she thinks about him being in jail.
Robin read about Keira Knightley talking to Jay Leno and saying she doesn't believe in ghosts other than the one she saw. She claims she saw one in her hotel room once and the ghost just disappeared before she could tell him that he must be in the wrong room. Howard ended up yelling at the clip Robin had from Jay's show where he repeated what she said. Howard said he's sick of it all. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon said that they could have played that weight game with a few other people. He said that Howard picked a few of the heavier guys. Gary asked who else should have been called. Jon said that Benjy should have been in there. Brian Phelan could have been in there too. Gary said he was on the list.
Jon said everyone got on the scale even though they didn't want to. He said Tim was the most resistant. Gary said he was surprised that Tim was as much as he was. He said Jason told him that Tim didn't fully get on the scale. Jason said he had half of his foot off of the scale. They have footprints on the floor for the scale and he knew what he was doing according to Jason. Gary said he could be even more than that if he didn't get on the scale.
Jason said he took his jacket off and 3 pounds came off. Gary said that some of the guys will come in there and weigh themselves and you can come up behind them and step on it to make them weigh even more.
Jon asked who is going to win the weight gain game. Gary said Tim will win. He said he likes to eat in a very traditional way. He said Thanksgiving is for gorging. He said that's what Tim will be doing. Jason said he'll be eating too. He said he has been losing some weight but this is par for the course for him. He said he doesn't care if he puts on a couple of pounds.
Gary asked Jon if he's embarrassed by this game. Jon said he is. He said he should be 30-40 pounds lighter than he is. He said he's not going to deny that he's overweight though. Jason said that Jon's daughter asked him last year why he doesn't love them. Jon said it was something like that. He said that he is very disciplined about a lot of stuff in his life but this is one thing he can't get a handle on.
Jason brought up JD and said that he claims that he talks about him all the time but he hasn't said a word about him in weeks. JD said he hasn't said anything about him either. Jason said that JD is a bully. He said that he's not as obsessed with JD as JD is with him. JD said that he brings him up on that Back Office radio show all the time. Jason said he doesn't bring him up more than anyone else. Jason said he's obsessed with him.
Gary said this all started during a commercial break and Jason didn't even do anything to JD. JD laughed at something that got Howard's attention. JD said Howard looked at him and saw him react to something.
Jason asked JD why he's squeezing that red ball. JD said it's keeping him from coming over there and punching him. Jason told him to drop it and come over and punch him. He said he wants him to do it. JD said Jason knows he won't do it. Jason asked why he'd say he'd do it if he isn't willing to do it. Gary said that if JD punches Jason after work can he be fired for it? Jason told JD to keep squeezing that red ball... fatty.
Gary asked what it was that Howard noticed about JD that got his attention. JD said it was Jason's constant talking over everything. He said that Howard and Kid Rock were talking and Jason was talking over them. He said he was talking about hanging out with the Black Keys and talking about the movie Red Dawn.
Jason said that JD is obsessed with him. He said that he told Howard about the Black Keys thing to help Steve Brandano out. He said that Howard is not shy and if he was bothered by him talking too much he would say something. He said he doesn't need JD protecting him. JD said he was just waiting patiently to pitch Medicated Pete to Howard.
Gary said that he won't defend Jason but sometimes when you talk to Howard during the break you give him a premise and that might be what Jason was going for. He said he wasn't asking Howard where he was going for Thanksgiving.
Tim Sabean came in and Jon pointed out that he didn't get on the scale. Tim said he got on the scale and you'll see it when they come back. Tim said that like Artie used to say ''This is what a man should look like.''
Tim asked if anything is sacred around there. Everyone said ''No!'' Gary asked Tim if he ever thought that he was safe there. Tim said he avoids this kind of stuff at all costs. He said now it seeks him out. Jon said he's sensitive to the weight issue. Tim said the last 9 months have been intense around there. It's been tough for him. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said that JD had to head to the writer's meeting so he's not in there now. He said that's the angriest he's ever seen JD before. He said he was really ready to punch Jason. Jon said that JD gets frustrated by Jason because he's gotten ballsy lately. He said JD is more laid back and he might be resentful of Jason getting that time to talk.
Steve Brandano said that he sees Jason getting more time on the air and he latches onto an idea for something. He said Jason is the food guy on the show and that Ginger Baker thing was a food joke. He said he thinks that gets to JD. He said he thinks JD is bothered by that character thing.
Gary said that Ginger joke went right over his head. He said he didn't get the joke when he said it. Steve said that's what bothers JD. Jon said they all have someone there who gets under their skin. He said Jason will always get under JD's skin.
Jason said he is very self aware when he's trying to piss someone off. He said he was not talking to JD or even about JD. He said he was having a conversation that would have taken place if he was there or not. Gary said it sounds like JD is upset that Jason is telling food jokes to get attention and that's what's upsetting him. Jason said that he really didn't know who Ginger Baker was and it sounded like a food joke when he heard it.
Jason said that he has worked his way up there to get more time with Howard. He said that he is at a point where he's more comfortable talking to Howard. He said if he steps on Howard's toes during the break Howard will let him know.
Jon said Jason and Will do talk a lot about JD on the Back Office Radio show. He said that drives JD crazy. Gary said what they have to understand is that they have to opposite personalities. He said that JD will talk to someone if he is comfortable with them. He said he has to reel himself in and let JD get time with Howard to tell him about the clips he has. He said JD is a guy who will never talk about Jason is one who will always talk.
Jason said he and JD aren't that different. He said when he was there pre-Lexipro, he didn't have a lot of friends and he didn't talk to a lot of people in high school. He said he never left the apartment when he was living with Will. He said he has tried to improve himself over the years and he's trying to take active steps to improve himself. Jason said he's even trying to dress nicer. He said JD has not changed at all since 2003. He said he's heavier and older but he is the same guy. He said he hasn't taken steps to improve himself. He said he's 33 and he has to wake the fuck up.
Steve Brandano said that Jason is really taking shots at JD on the Back Office Radio show. He said that he takes any chance he can to go off on JD. Jason said JD is on his bad side now. He said that JD was the one who brought him up today. Steve said that it's not fair though. He said JD threw a stone at Jason and Jason is stomping on JD.
Jason said he's fucking pissed and he didn't bring JD up first. He said up until about 2 months ago he had good feelings about JD. He said there is no love for him in his heart now. He said that he's going to take any chance he gets to fuck the guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't want JD and Jason to get into a fight. He said that wouldn't solve anything. He said he can't say who is in the right or wrong but hopefully no punches are thrown. The caller said he enjoyed that Kid Rock interview and the new song. He said the new song sounded a lot like Aerosmith. Jason said they were saying that too. They said it even sounded like Steven Tyler singing.
Gary asked Jason if he would fight JD in a ring. Jason said he'll do it for money but if JD punches him off the air not in a ring then he's just going to sue the guy. He said he won't even throw a punch back. Jon said that he doesn't think that the fight would last long if they were in the ring. He said he thinks they'd be exhausted after one round.
Jason said if they're going to fight then they should do it UFC style. He said he's not going to box. Jon had to go to another break after that.
Jon asked Steve about the Playlist show they're doing with Kid Rock on Monday. Steve said that they will have that ready to go Monday night. He said Kid Rock is going to play some of his favorite songs.
Steve said he's not sure what he said yesterday that got Howard so mad. He said he was just talking about the show and didn't take any shots at Howard. He said he thinks that the Black Keys are going in the right direction.
Jon and Gary didn't know what Steve said that got Howard so upset. Gary said it might be about him not understanding that if it doesn't turn Howard on then it's not worth fighting over. Steve said there are a lot of times when someone is on the cusp and it seems like the Black Keys are on the other side of that. He said he's not trying to tell Howard how to run his show or anything. He said he just thinks that it could be a good interview and he'd like to hear Howard do it.
Gary said Howard is the sun and they all work around him. He said that they call get competitive and that might be what caused the Jason and JD thing. Gary said everyone wants daddy's attention.
Gary said it was funny when Howard was talking to Richard about how Letterman never gives attention to the guys who write his bits. He said that Letterman also never calls out the guys for writing bits that don't work either. He said it works both ways.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that JD is upset that Jason piles on him while Will doesn't do that. Gary said that Will does take any shot he can at JD's weight. Steve said that it's like an older brother kind of thing with Will and JD. Gary said he gets irritated but not angry with him.
Jon brought up Bradley Cooper and how he was trying to get Howard to learn how to hang out. Gary said Howard can hang. He said he is one of the most gracious hosts and he can hang out. He said he wasn't like that 20 years ago but he's like that now. He said he is fun to hang out with. Jon asked if they expected the Elephant Man to come out of Bradley today. Gary said sometimes it's just more fun to try. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
Gilbert Gottfried Plugs His DVD. 11/15/05. 9:25am
Howard came back from break and Gilbert Gottfried was sitting in. He was there to promote his DVD ''Gilbert Gottfried:Dirty Jokes'' once again. Howard said he could smell the desperation because Gilbert put up the money for the DVD himself. Gilbert said it's killing him that Artie is selling tons of copies of his DVD ''It's the Whiskey Talkin'' and his isn't selling. He does an impression of Artie that's pretty funny. He's spoken to Artie about the whole DVD thing and got some advice from him. Artie said that being on the show is a blessing to him and that's how he's able to sell so many copies.
Howard asked Gilbert how much money he put into the whole thing. Gilbert said that it's less than $200,000. Artie was goofing on him about getting his phone number and not being able to get through because he had his fax line hooked up to it. Howard said that Gilbert really freaked out when he realized they only had 19 shows left on terrestrial radio. He also said that he's been hanging around and talking to Artie about the DVD sales and now he's freaking out because the show is moving to satellite.
Gilbert's DVD isn't being released until December 6th so he's begging to come on the show as much as possible in the final days of the show. Howard said that Gary told him that Gilbert really needed this gig because he needs to get pre-orders for this DVD of his. He also said that this show is Gilbert's only hope because Leno and Letterman aren't going to have him on. Artie said those shows probably wouldn't sell any copies anyway. He said he did the Craig Killborn show one time to push his DVD and it actually cost him 4 copies of his DVD because no one called to order.
Gilbert also has some blog entries on his web site (GilbertGottfried.com) so Howard read through some of that stuff. He read something from his November 6th entry where he complains about getting bumped because of the hurricane that hit. There's also a mention of how he was part of the Saturday Night Live retrospective of the 1980s. Gilbert didn't last long on that show and was fired after his first season. Howard said that he'd like to put Gilbert on his satellite channel and have him do a Dracula Gottfried show every week. He'd like a full half hour show. He thinks it would be great to have him doing his Dracula impression while talking to Pam Anderson.
Howard and Gilbert were doing some Dracula Gottfried stuff but the delay was hit a couple of times. Howard said they could put the show on Friday nights. He asked Gilbert about the DVD and if he has a production company. Gilbert said it's Gilbert Gottfried Productions so they goofed on him about that. He doesn't have a logo of his own so Howard told him to just steal the Nike logo. Gilbert talked about the ''extras'' he has on his DVD and how Artie suggested them.
Howard saw that Gilbert sells his DVD for $12 extra for an autographed copy. Gilbert said that was someone's suggestion but he's pretty sure it wasn't Artie who suggested it. Some people have actually ordered those autographed copies according to Gilbert. Howard told him it sounds like a great deal. A listener called in and asked Howard to get him off the radio and he'd be willing to buy 100 copies just to make that happen.
Howard gave Gilbert a plug for his DVD which will be available in stores on December 6th. You can pre-order it at GilbertGottfried.com. Howard told him that he could come back in on December 6th to get another plug for the DVD. Gary thought that he wanted to come in a bunch of times before they leave terrestrial radio on December 16th, but Howard said it's enough already.
Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. A phone caller told Howard how great Gilbert is on the show and how he's seen him doing comedy shows before. Howard ended up giving the guy a $500 prize. Gilbert tried to do some funny stuff during the news but the delay button was hit multiple times. Hook Nose Mike called in and said that he doesn't find Gilbert funny at all and doesn't get why he's on so much. Howard tried to convert Mike over by having Gilbert do his ''Old Groucho Marx'' impression. Mike asked when Gilbert was going to start being funny because it wasn't working for him. Howard took a break shortly after that.
In the clip Howard was telling Robin about how Gary had gotten a letter from John Wayne Gacy. Howard said Gary told him that he didn't even want to touch the paper. Howard said John has his own stationary. He showed Robin what he was talking about and read what he wrote to Gary.
Gary said when he read the book it was pretty disgusting. He said this guy is a major lunatic. He said he wants to make it clear that he is not a fan of this guy. Howard said Gacy sent a list of people who support him. He has some famous people who support him.
Gary said there were people who are clowners who write to Gacy. Howard said that they say that he might be a victim in this letter he sends out.
Howard read more of what Gacy wrote to Gary. He said that he wrote ''I hope you don't mine...'' instead of ''mind.'' Howard said that Gary is learning a lot about the Gacy murders so he knows what to do to stop the guy if he ever gets confronted by him.
Howard read more of the letter and Gacy was explaining himself and how there are lies and fraud out there about him. Gacy says that he has a book out that they can get at a specific book store. Gacy told Gary about some people who wrote about him and didn't have his permission or even the real details of his life.
Howard said Gacy wants to know more about Gary. He said he's surprised that no other prisoners have killed him. Robin said they keep him locked away from the general population in prison. Howard said that Gacy writes about how he does painting and writes books to keep busy while he's in prison.
Howard said they have to have Gary write to him and get into sexual stuff. He said he should send a picture of himself with his shirt off. Gary said there's no way that's going to happen. Howard said they can get a picture of Gina Man with is penis out or something. He said maybe Stuttering John. Howard said he thinks Gina Man would be the best picture to send. Gary agreed.
Howard said that's the letter he really wants to get. He said this was the preliminary letter. Howard said that they have to get the guy into it because a lot of gay guys love Gary. Howard said he has more attraction from men. He said he sees guys checking him out all the time. Howard called him Baba Backdoor.
Howard read more of Gacy's letter where he says he learned to paint from watching PBS. Howard and Robin talked about that guy on PBS who paints and talks in that monotone voice. Howard did his impression of that guy and goofed on him for a short time. Howard said you want to strangle that guy.
Howard read more of Gacy's letter and he explained why he took up clowning. Howard read what his favorite TV show was and things like that. Howard said Gacy likes sports. He also likes the movie ''It's a Great Life'' but he probably meant ''It's a Wonderful Life.'' Howard read that Gacy admires Donald Trump and Mario Cuomo.
Howard said Gacy asked Gary to say hello to Mario Cantone and some of the other Channel 9 staff. Howard was just joking around about that.
Howard wondered who writes to this guy. Robin said Gary does. Howard said they have a radio show though. Howard said that he's sure Oprah wrote to him trying to get him on satellite. Howard made up some other lines for the letter like how he calls his fans ''the future dead.''
Gary said Gacy claims that some of the 33 bodies they found under his house could have been there for a long time. Howard read that part of the letter and he tried to say that the bodies could have been there a year longer than he lived there. Howard said they have a thing going with that guy now. He wrapped up after that.
In the clip Howard was going to play a game of Not For Goyim Only with a phone caller. Howard took a call from a 19 year old woman who wanted to play. Howard asked her what she does for a living and went through all of that with her. She explained her job and said that she lives at home. The woman yelled that she'd be right there when her mother told her dinner was ready. Howard asked if she has ever done her boyfriend in her mother's room. She said she did at first but then she changed her tune.
Howard asked if the caller is Jewish. She said she is not. Howard tested her by asking some questions. She knew the word yarmulke so Al Rosenberg asked how she knew that word. She said she just knows it from people she knows. She said she has a lot of Jewish friends. Howard asked if they eat in her house. She said they do.
Howard asked what the woman's name is. She said it's Mary. Al gave her the Yiddish word ''Greps'' and a few choices for what it means. She guessed it was seltzer. Howard said it was actually a belch. Howard said he's going to give her the prize anyway. Mary thanked him for that. Howard asked if she'll tell him how big her chest is. She said she won't do that. Howard said she must be kind of shy. He put her on hold to get her prize.
Gary's Kimmel Appearance Goes All Wrong. 11/15/10. 6:00am
Howard said this weekend he started off falling asleep on Thursday night. He said he was woke up Friday morning and Beth was staring at him. He said she was waiting all night for him to get up. Howard said the dog woke her up and one of the pets woke her up. She leaves the TV on for the cat so she walked by and saw Gary on Kimmel. She was beside herself after seeing what happened. Howard said she told him it was the greatest thing ever.
Howard said Gary went out on Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy brought up Gary's Mets pitch where he screwed up his throw. Howard said he threw a horrible pitch. It was the most feminine pitch ever. Howard said they measured out in the studio so Gary could redeem himself. Gary didn't want to do it. Robin said it didn't look set up at all either. She said that Gary sat in his chair for a long time. Howard said Gary pitched so bad. He said on the third pitch he threw horribly. Howard said Gary threw all three really bad. He said that Gary hit a woman in the head with the ball. Robin said the all always just goes off to the side.
Howard said he had a million thoughts going through his head. He said that if jimmy had asked Gary to hit someone in the head there's no way he would have been able to do it. Howard said he's not sure what he was thinking. (The Kimmel video - Part 1, Part 2)
Howard said Gary has a wild pitch. Jimmy can throw because he threw it right to Gary. Howard said Gary can't throw at all. That's what his brother-in-law told him. Howard said Gary knows he can't throw. He said it's a lose-lose situation. Jimmy throws a glove to Gary and he gets up and tries to throw. Howard said Gary should have said no. He said he didn't have to do it. Howard said Gary should have known that he was going to be a laughing stock the rest of his life based on that. Howard said he doesn't know what was going through his mind.
Gary came in and said that they know he can't pitch. He said he can throw a ball. Gary said he felt that he had no choice. He said if he had gotten up and said no then they would have goofed on him either way. Gary said he felt put in a bad position. Howard said Gary is like a woman who was raped and then spread her legs and said she'd do it again.
Howard asked why he did it. Gary said he felt it would have been just as bad if he hadn't done it. Howard said he should have said no.
Gary said he felt like it was a bit of a dick move for Jimmy to do what he did. Howard said it's really not. He said Gary should have just said no to Jimmy. Robin said that she felt bad for Gary. Jimmy took out the gloves and walked to the position because he was going to do it no matter what. Howard said Gary thinks he's an athlete and he's really not. Howard said Gary can not throw a ball to save his fucking life. Howard asked what happened. Gary said there was a time when he could.
Gary said he didn't get any sleep that night. Howard asked if he told Jimmy that. Gary said he really didn't want to be put in that position. Howard told him once again that he should have said no. Gary said Jimmy told him that he sold a million books for him by doing that. He said he asked him what he was doing after that and they weren't able to go out together. He said that the segment producer saw how upset he was and then a co-executive producer came in and did the same. Gary said that he was being told the same bullshit that he tells guests when they're upset.
Howard said he was dumbfounded that he took part in that. Howard said he shouldn't do anything he doesn't want to do. Gary said that it was Jimmy and his friend. He said that he can't just say no. Howard said he should say no. Howard said he had to have wanted to do it to redeem himself. Gary said he kind of did. He said it could have been a win situation. Howard said it couldn't be a win situation no matter what.
Howard said he still can't believe he went through with that. Howard said if they asked him to do something like that he would have just said ''fuck you!'' Gary said that's Howard, not him. Howard asked the Howard TV guys to cue up the pitches. They had the video ready and showed Gary throwing his three, awful, pitches. He threw until he nailed a woman in the top of the head. Howard said the third one is the best. Howard said he wiped out the whole audience.
Howard started laughing hysterically. He said Gary came out there so cocky that night too. He did a great job during the interview and then ruined it.
Gary said after he did Letterman he was feeling pretty good. Howard was still laughing and told Gary that he's the best. He said he flew all the way out to Los Angles for that. He said with this pitching it's becoming his whole thing. Gary said he's never pitching for anyone else again. He said they can all go fuck themselves. Howard asked what he did. Gary said he didn't do anything. Howard said he asked Gary why he was doing the Citi Field pitch. Gary said he knows all of that. Howard said he doesn't have to go along with everything people ask him to do. Gary said he knows that. Howard said he lost his mind. Gary said he also lost his dignity.
Howard said Gary is like the guy who thinks he can knock down the milk bottle at the carnival and he keeps going and going even though it's impossible. Gary said he wanted to leave now. Howard said he can't leave. Howard asked if Jimmy Fallon asks him to eat his own feces, will he do that. Gary said of course he won't.
Gary said after doing Letterman Robin said it made her feel a different way about him. Now it's all erased. He said he signed 900 books this weekend and now it's like it didn't happen at all. He said that it's all about the pitch. Howard said he was telling Gary not to get up as he was watching the show. He said everyone is going to remember that pitch and not the book signing's. Gary said he has to go to his office. He said he's got it and he doesn't need to hear this. Gary said he'll be listening in his office.
Howard said he likes how Gary knows to protect himself in there but for Jimmy he's his bitch. Howard told Gary to get Jimmy on the phone. Robin said Jimmy will laugh at his misery. Howard said he's going to ask himself forever why Gary did this. Robin didn't think he could do it three times so bad.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to laugh at Gary really hard. He wanted to make sure Gary was listening and then laughed.
Bobo called in and asked if that woman was taken out on a stretcher. Howard said he's never participated in a sport like that but he thinks that two women were wiped out from that. Howard said that was a hard ball too. Robin said that it was kind of reckless to stand in the audience like that. Howard watched the wind up again and it was two women. Howard said that woman got hit on the back of her head. They were going over every pitch and watching it like the Zapruder film.
Howard asked Robin to help Gary out with his pitching. Robin said she throws the same way Gary does. Howard said Gary can't be a part of anything unless you're a participant. Howard said he would have run out of there if he was Gary. Howard said he could have given Jimmy a kiss and walked off. Gary said Jimmy gave him that glove and he thought it was some kind of token. He didn't know he was going to ask him to pitch.
Howard told Gary he can't be mad at Jimmy for throwing him under the bus. He said Jimmy gave Gary the bus and he ran himself over.
Gary said he made a split second decision and it was a bad one. He doesn't like that Jimmy put him in that position to begin with.
Howard asked Gary to put a dildo in his ass on the show today. Gary said ''Sure, get me five.'' Howard asked Gary if he saw Jimmy after the show. Gary said he saw him for a minute but then he left and didn't hear from him the rest of the weekend. Gary said he got a note from the producer. He said they know he's upset and they wanted to let him know that they love him. Gary said he sent a note back saying that he felt painted into a corner and no one else had done that to him. He said that this pitch is going to be remembered from the book tour and that's it. He said he felt blind sided and he got a note back saying that they didn't know that they shouldn't discuss it. Gary said it wasn't about discussing it. He said if they had read the chapter about that pitch then they would have known that he wouldn't want to do it.
Bobo said that Gary threw that glove at Jimmy too. Howard asked Scott DePace about the pitch. Scott wanted to stay out of it. He wasn't going to comment. Scott said he did laugh pretty hard at the pitches though. He said he turned off his video games and then saw Gary throwing his pitches. He laughed when he hit the woman in the head.
Howard asked Scott why Gary would partake in that. Scott said he probably thought he could do it well. He said it's hard to throw in a sport coat though. Howard said that's true. Howard asked Scott if he can throw a ball. Scott said he could do that with his eyes closed.
Howard talked to Gary about the rest of his weekend. Gary said he went on Adam Carolla's podcast and did fine on there. He didn't even bring it up on there. He said he had some great book signing's too. He said that a bunch of people came out to see him like Jeff Probst and Mark McGrath. He said that Jillian Barberie was hosting a special on Howard 101. Gary had a lot of fun out there other than the pitch.
Howard said Gary's first twitter after the pitch was about how he can't throw and he's done. Howard said he really has to stop pitching.
Captain Janks called in and said there's a huge article down in the Philly area about the pitch and Gary is quoted as saying he would pitch again under the right circumstances. Gary said that he was asked to do a reality show and that's what he would do it for. He said that's what he was talking about in that article.
Howard asked Fred what he thought of all of this. Fred said he was doing terrific on the show until the pitch. He said it was like he was grooming himself for this for years. He said he was funny and endearing and then the pitch.
Howard saw that Gary was eating eggs and putting something on them. Gary said it was guacamole. Gary said that it's good fat according to his nutritionist.
Another caller asked if that was a real baseball. Gary said it was. Howard said he heard it was a practice ball but Gary said that's the same thing.
Howard told Gary again that he could have declined to do it. Howard said he heard from Jimmy and he was goofing the whole time. Gary said that's kind of douchey to do that. He said to call and gloat is just wrong. Howard said he didn't gloat. Howard had the note from Jimmy somewhere so he tried to find that to read to Gary.
Howard said he doesn't get why Gary did this. Howard said Jimmy had to go to St. Louis to be at a wedding on his birthday weekend. Gary said that's like the same thing so ''wow.'' Howard said he gets a lot of messages on his Blackberry. He said it's tough to go through them all. Howard said he was looking at the Android phones but he thinks he's going to stick to his Blackberry. He said he loves the connection it has.
Howard said the first note he got from Jimmy was ''Wait until you see what happened tonight.'' Howard read some more of what Jimmy wrote about Gary hitting the woman in the head with the ball. Gary said he likes how it's Howard's show and he's the blindsider. He said that all he does is feed Howard information. He said that he doesn't blind side people. Howard said he's feeling bad for Gary. He said he can tell he's taking it really hard.
Gary said he feels humiliated. It goes beyond the pitch at this point though. He said it just wasn't a cool thing. Robin asked if Howard made Jimmy get Gary to pitch. Howard jokingly said he did.
Another caller said that Gary's kids are going to get goofed on about that on the show. Gary said he talked to the kids about it and they know what happened. Howard said he wishes his parents had talked to him about stuff like that.
Gary said his wife sent him the nicest email after that. Howard asked what it said. Gary said he had to find it. He said he was going to call Howard after that but he knew Howard wouldn't take his call.
Gary found the note and read it to Howard. Gary's wife told him that he can do so many other things so well that the pitch doesn't matter to her. She told him not to listen to any of that and that she loves and misses him. Howard asked if he was crying after that. Gary said he wasn't.
Howard said he still doesn't get why Gary participated. He said he must have thought he could do it. Robin said that's what she thinks was going on.
In the clip Howard was at a circus and reporting live from the ring. Howard said that the ringmaster is going to introduce him and he's going to say he's Sun Myung Moon and he's there to marry everyone there. Howard spoke to the ringmaster who told him they were about to go on. Howard told Robin to check this out. The ringmaster made some announcements and then introduced Howard who went out to the ring. Howard had to blow a whistle after saying something like ''On with the show.'' Howard said he's ready to do it. They brought him out to the ring and was introduced and then let them know that he was reverend Sun Myung Moon and he was there to marry everyone. He asked them all to grab each other's hands and repeat ''I Do'' and they'll all be married. Howard then broke the news that he was Howard Stern from WNBC and then said ''Let the circus begin'' and blew his whistle. Howard was in the dark after that so he had to get out of there and take a break.
More On Underdog Lady. 11/15/02. 7:30am
Howard spent some time taking phone calls and talking about some news stories he read this morning. He read that Mick Jagger was turned down by a 17 year old girl he was hitting on. Howard and the guys spent a short time on that before moving on to the Underdog lady discussion. Yesterday the woman known as Underdog lady called in after a 12 year absence. She bitched and moaned about how Howard's fans have been goofing on her relentlessly since she appeared on his WWOR TV show. She ended up calling in three different times during the show yesterday so Howard replayed those calls for the people who may not have heard them. After playing the calls again Howard spent a little more time talking about what happened. Gary came in and said that she called him back later in the morning and asked that the fans leave her alone this holiday season at the parades she appears at. Gary said she was also disturbed by some of the stuff Howard was singing to her during her final call. Howard joked that she was the reason for his divorce and she found that kind of disturbing. Howard took some phone calls from people who wanted to talk about Underdog lady. One guy said that Underdog lady just shows up to parades without being invited. Howard said she doesn't mean any harm. He said he should show up at one of these parades and tell people that she's his girlfriend.
Howard talked about his WWOR TV Show from the late 80's and how they gave Underdog lady an award one time. When she went up to accept the award she flipped out on everyone and said she couldn't accept the award. Howard played the video from that show and described what she looked like as she approached the stage. She started out calm but the more she spoke, the more pissed off she got. This was her last appearance on his show. Howard said she went off for a good 10 minutes or so and he left every bit of it in the show.
Howard took another call from a listener who said this was the funniest thing she's ever heard.
In the clip Howard was talking to a woman about a book she put out about the TV show MASH. Howard went to the phones to take questions about MASH. Howard took one call from a woman who said she doesn't have a question about MASH. The guest asked the caller a question about MASH but she didn't want to talk about that. She said she really hates Howard. She said that Howard does that to his callers all the time. Howard said he's trying to do a MASH thing there. The caller said she just wanted to tell him what she thinks of him. She said she can't stand him. Howard asked why she would listen then. The caller said she wrote a hate letter to his boss and didn't leave a call back number.
Howard asked why the caller listens to the show. She said it's the only station she has. Howard asked why that is. She said it's the one station she can get at work. She said she has to listen to him from 4 to 7. Howard said it's 3 to 7 and he doesn't understand why she listens.
Howard said this is the last time he's doing anything involved with the audience because of this woman. Howard asked why she's forced to listen to the show the whole time. The caller said she tunes out at 5:30 when she leaves work. Howard asked if she's trying to make him feel bad. He said he doesn't. The caller said that Howard makes his guests and callers feel bad. Howard said he's not making this guest feel bad. The caller said she didn't know that this woman was going to be on.
Howard said this woman is trying to sell a book and the caller is ruining it for her. Howard said it's ridiculous that someone who hates him listens to his show for 3 hours a day. Howard said this woman is so in love with him that she'd come down there and have sex with him. Howard said spending 45 minutes to call him is outrageous.
The caller said that she has seen what Howard looks like and she would not sleep with him. Howard made fun of the way she was saying some words. She faked her laughter and told him that's really funny. Howard said this woman wasted 45 minutes on hold trying to get through to him. Howard said he's going to call her boss and let him know she's wasting company time. Howard said this woman should be sterilized. He hung up on her as she was about to respond.
Howard took some more calls and had some callers asking MASH questions for Susie the book author. She was stumped on a question so she said he wins a copy of her book. Howard said this was a fascinating. He wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard played the song and Jackie the Joke Man was the singer. After the song was played Stuttering John told Howard they already have a caller complaining about the song. Howard picked up on the guy and said they have a responsibility to the listeners to let them know about cancer.
Howard took another complaint call after that. That guy said that Sammy was a cool guy and he was a good guest. Howard said that's a good anti-smoking song so he'll play it a few more times.
Howard took a few more calls and some people liked the song. There were a couple who said it was pretty bad. One guy said he was smoking 4 packs a day and he quit. Howard said he's a smart gentleman. Robin said Howard's plan is working.
In the clip Howard had his mom, Ray, on the phone and asked her what she thought about his book after reading it. Ray said that she had to take a break from reading it. Howard said that maybe she shouldn't read it at all. Howard told her that every man masturbates. She asked what he wants her to do. Howard said it's too painful for her. Howard said that she doesn't have to read it though. Robin said her son wrote it so she's going to read it.
Howard said his mother doesn't like his radio show. Robin told Ray that she won't read that part of the book. Robin said that's what she should do. Ray said ''Oh, that's good.'' Robin said that this is who Howard is and his mother is very disappointed in who he is. Howard said this is how men think and she must know that. Ray said she never knew that. Howard said Judith Reagan told him that every woman should read it because it'll put them in touch with what men are thinking. Howard said that's what his mother should read so she can understand.
Howard said he has yet to meet a man who doesn't think the way he does. Howard said there is nothing exaggerated in that chapter. Howard said he knows his life and he knows what he wrote. Ray said he can believe what he wants to believe and she'll believe what she wants to believe.
Howard said his mother would be celibate if his dad didn't want sex. Howard said he has had discussions with her where she has said that. Ray asked when she said that. Howard said she did say it. Howard said he learned it somewhere. Howard said that his mother likes Clint Eastwood but she doesn't know what he's like in his personal life. Howard said that he's a womanizer in his personal life. Ray said she doesn't know what he does in his personal life.
Ben got on the line and told Howard that he is an old guy now and he is at a different stage in his life. He said he didn't have computers in his life. He said these guys might get off on computer sex but at his age he doesn't. Howard told him not to tell him he didn't get turned on by that chapter.
Howard's parents were upset about the stories of his mental illness in the book too. Howard said he had OCD and he was able to cure himself of that. Ray didn't believe that he had OCD. She said that he never did any of that stuff he claims he did. Howard said he dealt with it and didn't burden anyone with it. Howard said Dr. John Sarno helped him with that.
Howard spent a few minutes trying to explain himself to his mother. Ray said that she's good at raising children. Howard said if this is what she calls good at raising children... He said he's a messed up guy. Howard said that Ellen might not be messed up but he is. Howard said that she still loves him with all of his faults. Howard said even if he killed 30 people she'd still love him. Ray said there won't be any killing. Ray got off the phone but Ben stayed on for a few more minutes.
Howard talked to Ben about how his mother is over reacting. Howard asked what chapter his father was up to. Ben said that he got through the Michael Jackson chapter and the mental illness chapter. Robin asked if he saw Howard doing the tapping thing at all. Ben said he's learning a lot about Howard from this book.
Howard said his dad never says he loves him when he tells him he loves him. He said he loves them more than they will ever know.
Howard 100 News Preview And Some Avant-Garde Music Discussions. 11/15/07. 9:15am
Howard played some more of this other band that he was talking to Richard about and asked him if he could get into it at all. Richard said ''no way.'' Fred threw in some more sound effects while they were talking about that. Howard noticed that Scott was in Robin's booth and wondered how his stand-up career is going. Scott came in and said that he was just kidding about touring with those guys but he may be going to the Cleveland show. Howard figured he's going to have to get permission from his wife to do that though. Scott said he's going to the show and he doesn't need permission. Artie said that Bob called him and told him that Scott is definitely in. Scott said he didn't hear that yet.
Goofing On Scott The Engineer. 11/15/07. 9:30am
Howard said that he walked in this morning and Ronnie was carrying a publicity photo in an envelope. He was mailing it out to someone who requested it for a promotion they were planning. Howard thinks that Scott gets upset about that because he's never asked to do appearances. Scott said that he's heard that he's going to be closing the show with all of the comedians. The guys think that he should do something on his own.
Benjy said that Scott actually asked him to write some material for him. That was after Scott said that Benjy is an asshole. Artie laughed and said that Scott has huge balls to do something like that. Howard said his head has been spinning since he heard that Scott had borrowed $500 from Benjy a few years ago. That led to the guys talking about that stuff for a few minutes. Howard goofed on Scott by doing an impression of him asking Benjy for the money. Artie was laughing his ass of hearing that stuff.
Howard asked Benjy what room Scott asked him in. Benjy said it was in Scott's studio. Robin said that Benjy was barely getting paid and he had a guy who has full benefits and pay asking him for money. Howard asked Benjy how it went down. Benjy gave him the details and Scott basically told him that his son may not be able to go to college if he didn't come up with some money.
Benjy said that Scott also asked him to borrow his apartment one time. He said it wasn't for banging a chick or anything. Scott said he didn't want to talk about that. Howard couldn't believe that Scott had turned on Benjy after he did all of that stuff. Scott said that he honestly doesn't know what Benjy is talking about. Benjy wrote it down but Scott didn't want him to bring it up. He didn't remember him asking for whatever it was that he wrote down.
Howard and Artie were both laughing at Scott and how he was jealous of Benjy's life. They found that very amusing. They talked to Scott about the comedy show he wants to appear at and the guys don't think he should have anything written for him, he should just do it off the cuff.
Ralph called in and said that Scott is a complete asshole. He said that he asked the guy for money then he bad mouths him the other day and then asks him to write jokes? He said that he's the biggest asshole he knows. Scott told Ralph to go suck Sam Simon's balls and told him that he's just as big of an asshole as he is. Ralph called Scott's son stupid so Scott went off on him saying he'd kick his ass if he came in there and said stuff about his son. Ralph said he'd come down but he's flying out to Hawaii today.
Richard said he's scared for the hecklers at the Cleveland show. Scott said he's not going to fight with the audience members. Ralph said that he thinks that the audience should throw stuff at Scott. Howard said that was going too far and Scott said he's not going to go if he's going to incite the audience to do shit like that.
Ralph said that he can't get the Artie Christmas Song out of his mind so he asked them to play it today. He also asked Artie to redo the song with his mother live in the studio, not on the phone like she did for that song.
Artie asked Scott if it would be easier for him if he stayed out on stage with him when he does his thing in Cleveland. Scott said it would be easier. Artie said he'll do like 45 minutes and then bring Scott out and then close the show. He said that the audience should be able to tolerate that for 45 seconds or so.
Howard asked Scott what he's going to be doing that night so Scott did a little bit of material. He said he's going to let the audience ask him questions. Artie said you can't rely on that though. He needs more stuff. Scott said he'd answer questions about Howard and things like that. Richard thinks that he should do 5 minutes of material and just barrel through it even if the audience is giving him a hard time.
Howard did some material in his Scott the Engineer voice. Artie suggested that they just have Scott stick his head out through the curtain at the show. Howard continued to do his Scott impression and goofed on him for a short time. Then they brought up the story about Scott leaving about $500 in cash, from a gig he did one time, on the roof of his car. He drove off and the cash was gone. Artie told him he should tell that story on stage in Cleveland.
Artie said that this show in Cleveland is on December 7th. you can find out more about that at RevBobLevy.com
Jay-Z Visits. 11/15/10. 8:00am
After the break we heard a Jerky Boys prank call where one of the guys called looking for a job at an insulation company. Fred also played Cat Stevens ''Peace Train'' and some Jay-Z ''Empire State of Mind'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that Jay-Z was there. He said he's been reading his book and he has a fascinating life. Jay-Z came in and Howard asked when the last time was that he saw him. Jay-Z just asked what was up and what was happening.
Howard said he has his book, ''Decoded,'' and asked if he has an Andy Warhol picture on the front. He said that's what it was. Howard said that's like an art book. Jay-Z said he collects art and he has some Andy Warhol pictures. Howard asked Jay-Z if he ever feels like he's getting hustled when it comes to art. Howard said he would get that feeling if he was into art. Jay-Z said that would be life. He said you feel that way with anything. Jay-Z said that it's all about art. He said he tries to buy things that resonate with him.
Howard asked Jay-Z where he goes to buy art. Jay-Z said he has many different artists work. He said he has some older stuff and some new stuff. He said there are things that he has that just resonate with him and it doesn't matter if they make a ton of money or not.
Howard said he was reading about how Jay-Z hustled the people who own the theme to Annie to get the rights to use it. Howard said he worked that situation and made it happen. Jay-Z said that was an important song for him so he had to make it work. He said he painted a couple of lies as the truth to make it happen.
Howard said he was reading the epilogue in the book and he talks about meeting Oprah Winfrey. Howard figured it was going to be about them hitting it off. Howard said that Oprah didn't understand him and where he comes from. Howard asked if that was really uncomfortable for him. Jay-Z said that he wanted Oprah to understand him and they just came up in different eras. He said the N-word to Oprah is something much different than it is to him.
Howard said Jay-Z says that Michael Jackson's ''Thriller'' is the best album ever but he disagrees. Howard said he thinks that Sgt. Peppers is the best in his mind. Jay-Z said that one is in his top 5. Howard said he was reading about Jay-Z and how things started to change for him when rap started. Jay-Z said that it resonated to him and it was something closer to home than the other music that was being made. Jay-Z said that it was easier for them to tell these stories about things that had just happened.
Howard said he was shocked that Jay-Z used to write poems when he was a little kid. Howard said his friends would steal them from him. He said that's such a betrayal. Jay-Z said it was just about the guys going to school and getting the girls. Howard said they just liked his poems and they were really strong.
Jay-Z said he and his cousin didn't speak for years when he was trying to get out there and pursue his dreams. He said he couldn't wait for rap so he was doing other things.
Howard asked Jay-Z about being a crack dealer and a hustler and if he was afraid of going to jail. Jay-Z said he was afraid of getting killed too. He ended up shooting his brother in the shoulder at one point. Howard asked if he thinks that has anything to do with his father leaving. Jay-Z said of course it did. He said he was really close to his father. Jay-Z said their house was the party house and they had a lot of records there and his parents had their names on the records. He said they had reel to reel stuff and records there. Jay-Z said his house was filled with joy all the time. Jay-Z said they had a great time until the divorce. He said he was on his own a lot after that. He said he has two sisters and one brother and he's the youngest.
Howard asked what happened that led to his father leaving. Jay-Z said his father's brother got stabbed and killed and it really sent him into a spiral. He said he would go out and look for the guy that did it. He said his mom told him he couldn't do that because he had a family to take care of. He wasn't able to deal with the pain of the split between his brother and family. It was very traumatizing to him and he was never the same after that. All he knew at the time was that his father had left. He just left and didn't come back.
Howard asked if his mother spent every day crying. Jay-Z said she was super strong but he never saw her cry. He said she may have cried behind closed doors. Jay-Z said he knew that his father was only about 15 minutes away in the projects. Howard said that must have driven him nuts.
Howard asked about reconciling with his father and how that happened. Jay-Z said that his mother made it happen actually. He said that they had tried to make it happen before that but it didn't work out. He said they finally got together after many years of not seeing each other. Jay-Z said he doesn't think his father had done it for the money either. He said he went into it thinking that he was going to tell him off but that's not what happened. Jay-Z said that his father is still a tall, strong man at the time. He said he looked healthy at the time but he died the next month. He said that he had a bad liver. Jay-Z said he knew he was sick but they didn't discuss it at the time. They never did catch the guy who killed his brother either. Jay-Z said he would tell them if he really did. Howard said it's weird how he went out and looked for his father even after he had left him. Jay-Z said your father is like Superman to you so when they leave you never let anyone get that close to you again. He said you're afraid of getting hurt again.
Howard asked Jay-Z about going to therapy. Jay-Z said his therapy is his music. He said he has a million therapists. Jay-Z said he never finished high school or went to college. He said he has to do his thing.
Howard asked Jay-Z what he said to his father when he met with him. Jay-Z said that they talked about the days when he left and how he was only up the street. He said that his father dealt with that stuff in his own way. Jay-Z said that it was his own stubbornness kicking in. He said he did end up hugging him. He said that his father passed a month later so that was the last time he saw him. He said that he was still drinking and smoking even though he knew he was sick. He was only 54 or 55 at the time.
Howard asked if he ever got married again or anything like that. Jay-Z said he never did. That whole brother thing freaked him out.
Howard asked Jay-Z if his family asks for money from him. Jay-Z said he has a great support system and they're very protective of him. He said that they still have a great relationship and he doesn't have a lot of people hitting him up for money. He said that his immediate family is so protective that there's no taking advantage of him.
Howard said he was reading about how he calls himself a hustler and he now understands that it's like a master manipulator. Jay-Z said that a hustler is like a guy who figures out a way to make their way in this society. He said that he made a lot of bad decisions when he was growing up. He said that he need to be forgiven for that stuff but he wants people to see that they're more than just crack dealers.
Howard asked if he was a good crack dealer. Jay-Z said he was really good actually. He said if you add up the hours it wasn't great money though. Howard said he managed to avoid big prison time. He said he read that he got pulled over and he had a car full of crack and they were going to have dogs come in to sniff out his car. The dogs couldn't come so they had to let him go. Jay-Z said that inspired his song ''99 Problems'' and he knew that he was getting pulled over for doing nothing wrong but he was in the wrong having the drugs in the car. Jay-Z said that he was pulled over for nothing and it's obvious that he was being racially profiled. He was doing something wrong though. Howard said that was really eye opening for him. He said it must really suck to have that going on. Jay-Z said that it makes you do bad things.
Howard and Jay-Z talked about the rap and how it has turned into an art form over the years. Howard said that Jay-Z started to make money and now he's in a world that he didn't come from. Howard asked if he ever doesn't know what to say because he's not from that world. Jay-Z said he never feels ignorant. He said that he could be Oprah or Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. He said that they were all given opportunities. Howard said he read about Bill Gates and how he had access to computers as a kid. He said that he had more computer time than anyone but back then it was expensive. Howard said he had a father who was able to get him in to the lab for free and those are the opportunities that people don't all get.
Howard said he saw Jay-Z and Beyonce with a bunch of security guards around them. He said he didn't say anything to them. Jay-Z said it was just two security guards. Howard said he doesn't see how a famous guy like him can go out. Jay-Z said that he's out there trying to push their culture forward. Howard said he's going to lose touch with the people. He said that he's still in touch with those emotions and problems that he grew up with. The only difference is that he isn't sitting on a park bench in his old neighborhood.
Howard asked about Rihanna and if he's really hands on with her career. Jay-Z said he is managing her now but they had just signed her to their record label in the beginning. Jay-Z said he heard her stuff and he wanted to meet her. He said he knew she was a star the day he met her. He said that she performed in his office and she was only 16 at the time. Jay-Z said he told her that there was no way out of his office and he signed her that day.
Howard said that Rihanna must be generating a fortune. He asked if he could retire on her stuff alone. Jay-Z said no because he has expensive tastes. Howard asked what it is that he has expensive tastes on. Jay-Z said he was just half kidding. He said that he wants to raise and spoil his kids. Jay-Z said that he would like to change the whole generation of things. Howard asked what kind of watch he had on. Jay-Z said it was just a ''plain'' Rolex.
Howard said that Jay-Z has said some things about President Obama and how things have been going since he got into office. Jay-Z said that he had some discussions with Obama right before he ran for president. He said that one of his said had set up that meeting.
Howard asked Jay-Z about using Alicia Keys on his song and how he decides on who to use. Jay-Z said that the song has to come first. He said that he thought Alicia fit that Empire State of Mind better than anyone. He said he thought about using Mary J. Blidge too but the piano parts just fit Alicia better. They spent a minute talking about the song and how huge it was last year. Howard asked how he heard the song. Jay-Z said he had a friend, Big John, who sent the song to him. He said he broke up the song and added some stuff to it and then added Alicia Keys to it. Jay-Z told Howard about some of his other songs that he has written.
Howard asked Jay-Z what happened to Lauren Hill. He said she's got one of the greatest voices ever. Jay-Z said her record company forced her to come out with music she didn't want to do. He said that kind of frustrated her. Jay-Z said he doesn't do that kind of thing to his artists.
Gary came in and said that Jay-Z had to go. Howard said he had more to talk about. Jay-Z said he had a couple more minutes. Howard said he loves that song by Kanye West with scumbag and douche bag in it. Jay-Z said he figured he'd like that. They talked about Kanye going up on stage last year when Taylor Swift won an award. Jay-Z said that the timing was bad for that. He said that it was bad when he spoke out against President Bush too. He said they were both bad timing situations.
Howard asked Jay-Z if he takes his own toilet everywhere he goes. He said he loves that idea. Jay-Z said he doesn't do that.
Howard got in a plug for Jay-Z's book ''Decoded'' which is out tomorrow. Howard said he'll be signing books in a couple of locations there in the city on Wednesday. Howard asked if he'll sign every person's book that shows up. Jay-Z said that he can't sign 10 million copies but he'll do his best to sign everyone's.
Howard asked Jay-Z about trying to get Lebron James to the Nets. Jay-Z said he's a personal friend so he did ask him to come there. He said he's not angry for him not coming there though. Howard asked if it's profitable to own a team like the Nets. He said it's really not. He said they don't make money. He said there are only a couple of teams that make money like the Lakers. He said the Knicks might make money too since that places is always packed. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard Takes Some Phone Calls. 11/15/06. 6:10am
Howard took another call from a guy (Pittsburgh Pete) who said he saw Beth's show Casino Cinema and it looked like Beth and Kurt Engle were getting along and at one point it looked like Beth put her hand near his crotch. Howard didn't see it but he said he'd look into that.
The caller was also saying that it looks like Dana is getting old looking and maybe Artie has drained the life out of her. Artie asked the guy to come out to New York and meet him out on the street so he can punch him in the face and shit down his neck. The guy told Artie that he's not funny and he's funnier than he is and he's not even a comedian. The guy said Artie does the same material in his show over and over again. Artie and the caller went back and forth for a few seconds. Artie asked the guy what he does for a living. The guy is unemployed right now.
The caller changed his tune and said Artie isn't all that bad, he's just not a legendary comedian. Artie never said he was. The caller said that Artie is a loser but Artie disagreed and said that he's a winner. He asked the guy what he would like to do for a job. He said he wants to be on talk radio. Artie laughed. The caller said he thinks he could replace Artie some day but that got him another laugh.
Howard had to put that guy on hold because he doesn't even have a SIRIUS radio to listen to. He said he could give that guy a radio show, that's the kind of crap he can do there at SIRIUS. He said he was telling Jack Black yesterday that he should do a show there where he just goes on and bad mouths him about anything that pops into his head. He said Jack was going to think about doing it.
Goofin' On Grillo. 11/15/96.
Howard started goofing on Steve Grillo this morning because of his stupid answering machine message. The message had an audio clip of a Simpsons episode at the beginning and Steve trying to act cool at the end of the message. Steve said it's an inside joke between he and his friends. Howard was just curious about how many people would get the joke. Grillo said 80% of the people that call him would get it. I guess the other 20% just think he's stupid.
First Time Lesbian Lover Phone Call And More. 11/15/04. 8:45am
He took a few more phone calls after that. One woman said that she was able to get her mother-in-law to have sex with her over the weekend. Howard had to hear the rest of the story. She told Howard that she's about 5'1'' tall and weighs about 101 pounds. She claims to have a great body because she's a fitness trainer. She's 22 years old and her mother-in-law is 45 but looks great. She said she was also a fitness trainer and she actually got her into the business. The caller said that she looks much younger and some people say they could be sisters. Howard had her describing the other woman and how she was able to get her. The woman said that the mother-in-law was in a tub naked and asked her to come in. She had a glass of wine in her hand and asked her to come in for some reason. The caller swears on the life of her kid that she was asked to shave the mother-in-law. Howard found it hard to believe but she swore the story was true. She got on her knees and started to shave her. Then she was invited into the tub and was told to take her clothes off. The two of them went at it for about an hour. The caller said that the mother-in-law claimed it was the first time for her but she didn't think that was possible. Howard asked if the mom was better than her husband. She said that she was great and she enjoyed it more than her husband. She's afraid of breaking up the family though so she doesn't want to bring her on the show.
The woman told Howard that her husband found her all wet after the bath tub incident so she said she'd just taken a shower. The mother-in-law was also wet and the husband noticed that but she said she'd just washed her hair in the sink. The woman claims that Howard said he'd give her $500 if she was able to make something like that happen. Howard said he believed her and gave her the $500 prize. She said that if she does come on the show, she will need to have their faces blurred on the show.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who said he had to ''run off a batch'' after hearing the porn stars earlier in the show. Howard said that they should have pictures up on the web site. He thinks that Briana may have done a porn movie with Kenneth Keith Kallenbach a few years back but he wasn't sure about that. Howard had to get back to the F-Emmy Awards after that.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:55am.