|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger being a raving maniac. Howard said he was on 60 Minutes. He said he was sad when it was over because he couldn't wait. Robin said they were going to play more of it on CBS This Morning. Howard said he was fascinated by all of the stuff he had to say. Howard said he was trying to repair his image but then he was talking about how he loves his Maria and his kids and he was smiling the whole time. Howard said this makes him think that Tiger Woods should run for office.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks he's a sociopath. Robin said he's a narcissist. Robin said that Sociopaths don't care about anything. Fred said he thinks that he could be called a sociopath. Robin said they don't have any rules though. Howard said he might be a narciosociopath or something. Robin said she wondered how Maria could live with him for 5 minutes.
Howard said each picture of the maid were worse than the next. Robin wondered what was going on there. She said she doesn't get the sexual attraction. Howard said he has to come in there and explain it. Howard said he doesn't understand it either. Howard and Fred did impressions of Arnold talking about how he can get it up for her.
Howard said he had a bad night last night. He said he wasn't able to sleep and he was up for a while trying to fall asleep. He said he fell back asleep at like quarter to 4. Howard said he wanted to go watch TV but he didn't end up doing that. Howard said he watched some shows last night but not the new stuff. Howard said he's kind of burned out on Dexter. He said the guy is too creepy for him to take it. Howard said he's more into Sons of Anarchy than Dexter now.
Howard said Arnold is a lunatic. He said the guy really is nutty. Howard and Robin got back to that and talked more about Arnold and the wacky stuff he was talking about.
Howard said his own grandfather was an Austrian and things got crazy over there back when he lived there. Howard said the guy risked his life for the country.
Robin asked if miss Wells wanted the horse thing. Howard said she did. Howard said he wouldn't have chosen it but it worked out. Howard said he does love doing the photography thing. Robin sounded surprised that he wasn't going to drop it yet. Howard said when he takes on something he likes to immerse himself. Howard said he wants to be as good as anyone who does fashion photography. Robin said he doesn't know how to do a hobby. Howard said there is nothing pleasurable in what he does. He wants to be the best at what he does. Howard said he can't be hobby. He said it becomes an obsession and it becomes like his work. Robin said he shouldn't be doing it then. Howard said he can't do both.
Howard said he called Robin yesterday while he was on a walk. Howard said he has the new iPhone and they have these new headphones. He said they changed the shape to fit better. He said he wanted to call Robin so he did that. He said that the new ear bud wouldn't stay in his left ear. He said he's not sure who designed those things because they just don't work. Howard said the jack doesn't even work in the left hear. Howard said he had it plugged in all the way and it still didn't work. Howard said he only had one side working and only one side would stay in. He said he was very irritated. Howard said it's good that she didn't answer because he would have gotten irritated with her.
Howard said they did this animation of Robin's Ayahuasca thing and they haven't put it on Howard TV yet. Howard asked the guys why they haven't done that. He didn't get an answer.
Howard asked Robin who Scott Pelly is. Robin said he's a reporter. Howard said he had no idea who that was. He works for 60 Minutes.
Gary said the thing that got him was when he said it was the worst piece in broadcasting history. Howard said he should pout that in the start of the show. Howard said he meant it out of love. Gary said he did not. Gary said that's a bunch of bullshit. He said if it was out of love he would have talked to him off the air. Howard said he really did it because he cares about Gary.
Gary asked Howard if he thought that Robin did something like that would he do it on the air or off the air. Howard said he would do it on the air. Howard said he would tell her that on the air. Gary said Howard called him awful and said that it was the worst thing ever. He said that's why he's afraid of him. Howard said he knows that he's helping Gary and he knows he will do the right thing on his next show. Howard said the people who are shooting that show aren't his friends. He said they didn't tell him that it was the worst thing.
Gary asked if he thinks he was kind to him. Howard said he never said it was kind. He said he was helping him. Howard said he can't wait to see the next show he records. Gary said he shot one before he talked to him. Gary said he'll send him a good one in 10-12 weeks.
Howard read some of the email he got about Gary. He said that people were telling him to shut up. Howard read some of the emails and they were telling him he sounds old and sounds like he's a product of his parents. Howard said that's all true. Howard said someone said he isn't a good judge on AGT but he thinks he is. Howard said someone thought that Sharon left because of him. Howard said that's just not the case. He said he just spoke to her a few days ago and had a long talk about why she's leaving. Howard said it's over. She's done. Howard said she's actually sick of Howie. He laughed as he said that. Howard read more of the email where people were going off on him about the Gary thing. Howard said he still thinks he did Gary a favor.
Howard read an email where someone asked if he really doesn't know what ''interface'' means. Howard said he knows what it means but that's not the way Gary talks in real life. He said he should talk to people like he's talking to them in his own living room. Howard said that's not how Gary would explain it in person. Gary said he would. Howard refused to accept that.
Howard went off on Gary for reading the script on that show. Gary said that Howard wouldn't do this to him on the air if he really loved him. Howard said he's not going to talk to him about this off the air.
Howard read more of the email and one guy was going off on him about talking about photography. Howard said it's the reading off the teleprompter that annoyed him about Gary. Howard said he likes the way Gary does the Wrap Up Show. Howard said when he reads off the teleprompter it's not good. Gary said he was going off on him about the Sonos thing too though.
Howard said that someone wrote about him getting Nikon cameras for free but that's not true. Howard said he paid for his equipment and got it from Adorama. Gary said that they think that about him and Sonos. Gary said they think he got that stuff for free too. Howard said Twitter is so annoying with people like that. He said people are idiotic. Howard said you'd think they'd thank you for sharing on there. Gary said he tells people that if they don't like him then don't follow him. He said they don't seem to grasp that concept.
Howard said he had one email about Gary's show where the writer said the show ''wasn't that bad'' and it's getting better. Howard said he thinks that he could be better. Howard said he knows the show was bad and he helped improve it. Howard said he was bad on the air in the beginning and Gary has had experience with that and he should know how to do things. Howard said he's sticking to his point and he did help Gary. Gary said he did. Howard said he doesn't care what people have to say.
Howard said people were very positive about Shuli. He read some email about last week's shows with Shuli and Sour Shoes. Howard said the people enjoyed listening. Howard had an email about Shuli sitting in the Artie Chair. Howard said it used to be the Jackie chair but now it's the Artie chair. Howard said people were saying that Shuli knows when to chime in unlike Benjy.
Howard said some people did hate Shuli. He read a couple of those too. Howard said one guy said that even considering him is an insult to all of the comedians who have visited the show. The writer said he should go back to doing the news.
Howard said Benjy took a hit in there too. Robin said it was like a stray bullet. Howard said he saw some photos of Benjy and his girlfriend naked. Howard said she was showing some side nip and see-through panties. Benjy said it was a register to vote thing they did. Howard said Elisa looks really good. He said the weird thing is that some of Benjy's fat was blurred out. Howard asked who did that. Benjy said that Elisa did it. Howard said he could fix it a lot better. Howard said it's not a good edit. Howard said he can send it to him and he'll fix it.
Howard read some email about Debbie the Pet Lady and the money she got last week. Howard read a few about her and how some people love her. Some think she'll never go away after giving her the money. Howard had a few emails about her and how the fans love her on the show. Howard said people want her on more. Howard said some people want her off the show. He said it's hard to figure out what people want. Howard said he finds her very interesting but so many people can't stand her and that influences the show. Howard said she's interesting but then he hears her on the news and he's bored by her. Howard said he likes her so he's going to keep her around.
Howard read some email about Ronnie's pace car and how it's really just a stock car with special paint and graphics. The writer said it's really nothing special and it's just a commemorative vehicle.
Howard read some email about what he said about George Martin last week. Howard said he was talking about how he's acting like he's the fifth Beatle. The writer said Martin never claimed that. Howard said he may not have but he sure acts like it. Howard said the Beatles wrote the songs, not Martin. Howard said he agrees with some of what this emailer said but he thinks that Martin should stop already. Howard went to break a short time later.
JD came in and said that one guy was stuck at the 17th hole and he would do it each time someone would hit a ball. He said he's not sure if the two guys are working together or not. Howard asked if they have been contacted about this. JD said they have but they don't know if it's the actual guy.
Howard played another clip of someone yelling out Baba Booey. They get right in there too. Howard asked if people don't even know what it means but they yell it out. He said he'd like that to become the standard for golf.
Gary said there was an article about Jack White doing a concert there in the city and he performed for about an hour. Gary said it was 45 minutes. Howard said people were pissed that it was so short. Howard said he left and he didn't like the crowd. Howard said Jack asked if it was an NPR convention or something. Howard said the crowd may not have been young and lively enough for Jack. He freaked out and stormed off the stage. He said you just can't do that. Howard said you have to give an hour and a half at least. Howard said that's very Prince-like.
Howard said he saw Prince on The View. He said it was the worst thing he's ever seen. He said they have to kiss his ass so much. Howard said the guy is trying to sell something and no one gives a shit. Gary said the last album was given away for free. Howard said that's how you get people to come to the concerts but no one gives a shit anymore. Howard said he doesn't have the ability to create the hits. Howard said that Prince is now a Jehovah's Witness. He said he had another guy on the show kissing his ass about how he raises money for his charity and it's so bogus. Howard said there are a lot of people who raise money for charity and they don't have someone yapping about it.
Howard said he's a huge Prince fan but he only lasted a few minutes before he had to turn it off. Howard said the guy is a fucking lunatic. Howard said it wasn't the fault of the ladies on The View either. Howard said Prince has an afro now and it's very strange to see. He said he wears some odd clothes too. He said he wears pant suits and it's not cool at all.
Howard got back to the Baba Booey mentions at the golf games. Howard played another clip where this guy got in a good Baba Booey yell. Robin said it sounded like a chorus of Baba Booeys. Howard had another one and the guy got in yet another good one. Howard said they were describing them as being epidemic.
Howard said he gets a lot of requests for the phony phone call Sal and Richard made to the McDonald's in Libya. Howard said he should play that now. He found the call and played it. Sal called a McDonald's in Libya and asked if it was safe to come there since they had burned down a KFC. Sal asked if he was safe to eat there. They assured him that he would be safe. They also had some things to say about the Jews and how it's a Jew-free McDonald's. Howard said that's an amazing call but he's wondering why Sal was doing that stupid accent.
Howard had the Howard TV feed of Leiberman dancing with High Pitch Mike. Howard said he danced with Mike too once. He said they dance very well together actually.
Howard said Leiberman is whacked out of his skull. He said the guy is out of control. Howard found some audio but he was talking about how weird Ronnie is too. Ronnie came in asking what the hell the problem is. Howard said Ronnie is so rough with Rachel in the dance video. Ronnie said that Rachel loved it. Howard said Leiberman made Ronnie look normal.
Howard said Leiberman was yelling about how they wouldn't play the song ''Empire State of Mind.'' Howard played that clip and Leiberman was yelling like Ronnie about how he wanted Empire State of Mind. His whole voice was changed and he sounded nothing like Jon Leiberman. Howard played more of the audio and Leiberman sounded really drunk asking for that song. Howard wondered what that song was playing behind him. Ronnie said you can't even hear it over Jon.
Howard said he hates weddings. He said he has no desire to go to anything like that. JD told Howard the song in the background was an Amy Winehouse song.
Jon Leiberman came in and Howard told him that he's the kind of guy who ruins his reputation at a wedding like that. Jon said he has a bad habit of drinking too much but he doesn't go out and drink that much. Jon said he tends to go out and drink too much. Howard said his girlfriend didn't even want to be around him. Jon said he works very hard during the week and sometimes he has to let loose. He said he apologizes to Richie and Rachel because he didn't want to take the focus away from them on their special day. Jon said he thinks that everyone can relate to doing that at a wedding. He said he isn't a mini Ronnie Mund though. Ronnie said he is too.
Jon said he made an ass out of himself and he's sorry for doing that to Richie and Rachel. Howard played a clip of Jon complaining about Lisa G reading the news to him every morning. He said he knows the news and he wants to talk about news, not about gossip. Jon was going on and on in his drunk voice complaining about Lisa G's stories. Jon said he's sorry for what he did. He said he won't be drinking at any functions anymore. Gary said guys like him will always do that.
Howard said he heard that Ronnie cried at the wedding. Ronnie said he got teary eyed. He said he didn't really cry.
Jon talked about the Lisa G comments. He said that she's flipping through the Post asking the most innocuous questions. He said he's trying to read in for the day but she's asking these stupid questions. Jon said that Mike suggested that she be limited to the number of questions she asks in a day. Howard asked Lisa what's up with that.
Lisa came in and said that people are annoyed by her but her questions will not stop. She said she was reading the Post today and she was reading the fashion section. She said that Jon was talking about shopping at Pay Less shoes. She said she can't wear fake leather herself. Gary asked why she can't. Lisa said it would hurt her feet because she has bad feet.
Howard asked if she just asks questions non stop. Jon said that she'll mention a story in the news and he just ignores her and keeps typing. Lisa said she has her own talk show going back there. Jon said between 5:15 and 6:00 she has 20-25 comments by Lisa. Howard said Shuli used to tape her. Howard asked where Shuli's list of questions is at.
Shuli said that they set up a Twitter account for Lisa, @LisaGisms, and post stuff there.
Howard got side tracked about how Tim Sabean wasn't invited to Richie's wedding and he was freaking out in the halls about it. Sal came in and said that Tim was screaming in the halls about it. Tim came in and said he asked what some people were doing for the weekend and he and Will were just joking about not being invited to Richie's wedding.
Tim said he was watching the Ryder cup and loved the Baba Booey stuff. Howard said Tim has to tell them what he did to get the shit all over the bathroom. Tim said he was so sick and they over exaggerated about what he did. He said he thinks there were marks on the wall before he did his thing. He said he had food poisoning. Howard asked if he was standing. Tim said he may have been in motion when he went. Howard said it sprayed out then. He said based on the pattern he must have been on his back with his ass facing the ceiling. Howard said he has to walk him through it. Tim said he really doesn't remember. He said he ran into the bathroom and couldn't get his pants off fast enough. Howard asked if he got shit in his pants. Tim said he didn't. He said he has no idea how he got it on the walls. Howard said he can't get off of this. He said he has to know how he did it. Howard said they have pictures of the crime scene so they could have a CSI come in to check it out.
Tim wanted to get off the subject but Howard didn't want to drop it. Howard asked if Tim will ever reenact the scene. Tim said he answered questions for Howard TV. Howard asked how he got shit on the light switch. Tim said he doesn't know. Howard said his spray is phenomenal. Howard asked what his thought process was in cleaning it up. Tim said he doesn't know. He said he thought he cleaned it up. He said he didn't know he was going to have Jon Leiberman hot on his trail.
Howard was going to get back to the Shuli and Lisa G stuff but Tim had to move a pillow on the couch. Howard said he must have OCD. Tim said he likes things organized. He doesn't like the place looking like a shithole. Howard said he has OCD. Tim said he likes it organized and neat. Richie said he didn't leave that bathroom neat and organized.
Howard said he wants to send the photos of Tim's shit to a CSI to find out what they think happened. Ronnie told Lisa to tell Howard what happened at Grand Central Station. Lisa said she was going through there and she overheard some terrorist cops talking about how ''Ronnie wants to eat Lisa's ass'' as she walked by. She said she was so embarrassed.
Howard asked if that turns Lisa on or not. Lisa said it doesn't turn her on at all. Shuli disagreed. He said that she's asking questions about Ronnie like she used to ask about Benjy. Howard said it sounds like Ronnie could get a free pass to fuck her and he's wondering if it'll ever happen. Lisa said ''not right now, no.'' Ronnie said she never says no. Shuli said he has the whole thing planned out in his head. Ronnie said at the wedding they had secret rooms and stuff and he could have fucked her there. Howard said he would have banged her and left her in a secret compartment.
Richie asked Ronnie if he tried to have sex at the wedding. Ronnie said he didn't. Richie said he thought he was trying in the bridal suite.
Howard said Richie and Rachel are very close friends and he read a poem for them that was written in large block letters. He said that's how he wrote the poem. Howard said it looks like a ransom note. Howard said he writes like a 5 year old.
Howard played some audio of Jon Leiberman talking about Lisa G and her book and about her sex stories. He said he thinks they're fiction. Howard said Jon yells when he's drunk. Jon said he's not getting the full context with this stuff. He said they were egging him on to do this stuff when he was slightly inebriated. He said nothing he said wasn't factual.
JD said that Jon was so out of control that he had to take over his interview with Stephanie when she caught the bouquet. Howard wanted to hear what JD had to say but Jon was barging in and said he wanted to explain. JD said he was more articulate than Jon was. Jon said that he was doing fine when JD grabbed the microphone and said he could do better.
Howard asked Shuli about the Lisa G-isms. Shuli told Howard some of the stuff that Lisa will just blurt out. He said that she'll just blurt out that the Today Show needs its own channel. She also said that she's like the white Omarosa. She once asked how Jason's back hair is and if they should do an update. Shuli said she just throws this stuff out there. Howard said he would read a book about this stuff. He said they're trying to work back there and that's what they hear from Lisa. Lisa said she's like her own reality TV show.
Howard asked Lisa what she thinks about Jon talking about her book being fiction. Howard said she's not known for her sex-capades. Lisa said she was young once and the book will be fun. Howard said Carol Miller wrote about going out with rock stars and stuff. Lisa said this is just about her life. Gary said Lisa told them on the Wrap Up Show that she was going to have some spanking stories in there. He said she didn't elaborate since she's going to have those stories in her book.
Howard asked Lisa what happened with the spanking thing. Lisa said she's not going to say. Howard said it sounds like her book will be more explosive than Tim's shitting.
Robin asked if Jon could do that voice that he was doing while he was drunk. Howard played some of that audio again. Jon said he had to explain why he wanted to hear that song. He said he had read a story about him and he had him on his mind so he wanted to hear the song at the wedding.
Gary said that Shuli told him that Jon will scratch his face like it's almost self mutilation. Howard asked why he does that. Jon said he has sensitive skin. He said he scratches his forehead and it becomes red. Gary said Shuli told him that he will come in all scratched up in the news room.
Howard said he had that problem. He said he would talk to this person on the phone and he would scratch himself. He said he had to stop talking to the person on the phone. He said you have to look at why you're doing that kind of thing. Jon said maybe they have to get rid of Lisa. He said he was just kidding.
Howard asked Richie about the wedding and if they fucked that night. Richie said they did. He said that he didn't use a rubber. He said she's on the pill. Howard said no one can figure out why she married Richie. Richie said he can't figure it out either. Howard said he must fuck like a dog.
Howard said Sal and Richard did some Man on the Street stuff asking people about eating ass. Howard said they seem to go to the same street every time. Howard played the audio and they were asking people on the street if they think it's gay to eat ass. one guy said it's not but putting a vibrator on your dick is weird. The guy said that must be a white thing. He said black guys don't do that.
Howard played another clip where a guy was talking about how it's gay to eat ass and to put a vibrator on your dick. The guy was talking about how wrong he thinks that is.
Howard got back to the wedding and played some audio of Ronnie reading his poem. Howard said he should have said something from the heart to them. Ronnie said this poem was from the heart. He said he had a lot of sensitive stuff he didn't want to get into.
In the clip Ronnie asked someone to hold the microphone for him. He said he had it all sealed up. He said he wrote this in his car with his New York State inspection thing and asked how cool that is. Howard said he has no idea what he was talking about. That led to Ronnie and Jon going at it a little bit. Ronnie said he shouldn't have been drinking if he was doing his job. Jon said he always does his job. Howard had to cut them off so he could get to this clip.
Howard played more of Ronnie talking at the wedding about how people thought he was going to be out of control and he was going to knock people on the floor with his speech. Ronnie said that he loves them and he would never do that to them. Ronnie read his poem called ''The Road to the Wedding.'' He rhymed ''day'' with ''day'' in the first sentence. Ronnie wrote about how they went to Steven Singer Jewelers and some other wacky stuff. He also rhymed ''question'' with ''rejection'' a short time later. Robin said that was heart felt alright. Shuli said he loves them so much he wrote them a 6th grade poem.
Howard said he should have just said something from the heart. He said he had no emotion in that poem. Ronnie told him to hold on. Howard said all he's doing is reciting the events leading up to the wedding. Ronnie said that's what the poem was about. Howard said he had no emotion in there. He said he should have said he was their friend and included that. Howard asked why he didn't just make a speech. Ronnie said his best man, Angelo, had already done that.
Ronnie said that Jon Leiberman is so angry. Howard said it sounds like there was a lot of hijinx and fun there. Shuli said he loved that he brought out that piece of paper from the Mundmobile there.
Howard asked if Ronnie drove to the wedding in his pace car. Ronnie said he took a car. He said Sal came in a stretch limo. Howard said you can tell he's really saving money.
Ronnie said that Richie got a brand new motorcycle from his wife. Howard said that he did see the picture. Howard said he heard that Richie paid for the wedding after selling his motorcycle so Rachel went out and got a second job to pay for a new motorcycle. Howard said Richie is almost making out with Rachel and ignoring Rachel. Richie said he loves that thing. He said it's a Victory High Ball. Howard said you have to be nuts to ride a motorcycle. Howard said it's very dangerous. Fred said you have to be very smart when you ride. Howard said you have to just chill. Richie said he loves riding. Howard said he gave up a lot of stuff he gave up. Howard said he had to take a break but Ronnie and Jon were still going at it. Richie said he got an apology from Jon the next morning. Jon said he apologized to a few people. He said he doesn't drink a lot so he can get out of control. He said he made a mistake and he had a release.
Jon said he doesn't drink during the week and he just has that release once in a while. He said he just won't drink at functions anymore. The guys figured he was lying about that and he'd be drinking at the Christmas party. Jon said he won't drink anymore. Jon said he doesn't smoke weed or anything like that either. Howard said he never would have picked him as the office drunk. He played more audio of Jon yelling about wanting to hear ''Empire State of Mind.'' Howard then played a clip of a drunken Henry Hill talking to Lisa G. Howard said it's not that far off. Jon said outside of here he deals with a lot of missing and murdered kids and he needs a release. He said he works very hard.
Shuli said Jon has his headphones on in the news room and he'll freak him out with an air horn. He said he can't hear them very well. Jon said he was almost blown up by an IED in Afghanistan back in 2004. He was telling the story and the guys were laughing. Jon said he's being serious. He said it's not funny when people are getting blown up by IEDs. Jon walked out when they played some air horn clips. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that they have Chelsea Handler coming in. Howard said he likes her. He said they had a lot of fun the last time they met. Howard said she looks good. Howard asked if she had something done. Chelsea said she had a face lift but then said she was just kidding. She said she couldn't actually do that. Chelsea said that she uses a lot of stuff on her face. Howard asked if she thinks that all of the stuff she does for her face works. She said that it does help. Howard said he thinks that it's genetic. He said he has been starving himself to fit into his clothes. He said he went to an Italian place over the weekend and he didn't even order pasta. Chelsea said he's like a super model in that way. Howard said he really is.
Howard said he saw Chelsea on Rosie's show crying over going to a psychic or something. He said he thought she was too intelligent to believe that stuff. Chelsea said she thinks that some of them are full of it but like 50 percent of it is true. She said that almost every one of them tells her that she was going to have a big career. She said they can't predict the future or anything but some of them are better than others because they've been at it so long. Howard said they're all scammers.
Howard asked if she believes in the afterlife. Chelsea said she really doesn't. She said that she thinks that they might hang around a while but she doesn't believe that her mom joined a club or anything.
Robin asked why she was crying on Rosie. Chelsea said that you want to believe something and that's what she did when she was on the show. Chelsea said that she can't believe that Howard went on America's Got Talent. She said she watched the show just because Howard was on it. She said it's a train wreck of a show. Howard said he likes the show and he thought they had a lot of talented people on the show. Chelsea said they had people making pyramids out of their bodies.
Howard said the job is a great job and he had a great time doing it. Howard said the worst part was flying out to Los Angeles and the other cities. Howard said he hates flying and he had Beth there to squeeze her hand. Chelsea said that he's lucky he found her. Howard said she really is an angel. Howard said he got his nails done and he got his cuticle cut. He was complaining about it hurting and Beth told him to stop it already. He said she fell in the tub and didn't even say a word about it. Howard said he was used to complaining to his mom so that's why he complains so much.
Chelsea asked why he didn't have someone come to his house and do his nails. Howard said he likes going out to the shop and get them done. He said he likes to hear the Yentas talking there. Howard said he has nice nails now that he's getting them done.
Howard asked Chelsea about the psychic thing again. He said this doesn't make sense. Chelsea said James Von Praag was on her show once and he said to her that her mother was standing next to her pulling on her nose. Chelsea said that her mom did that all the time when she was a kid. She said that even her sisters wouldn't have known that. Chelsea said that she never told anyone about it. Howard said she had to have told someone. She said even her father wouldn't have known that. Robin said that is pretty specific. Howard said there are people who do research for him.
Howard said there are certain tells that people give off. Howard said his mother went to a psychic once and she taped it. Howard said she claimed she didn't tell the person anything but she babbled and he saw it on the tape. Howard said Houdini told his wife to go to every clairvoyant and gave her a word. Howard said she went to a bunch and no one got the word.
Howard asked Chelsea if she thinks she's destined to be alone the rest of her life. Howard said she's very successful and she's attractive. Howard said she has a great bod. Howard said there is something about her that men find threatening. Chelsea said that there is no man that can handle her and she's thought about that. She said that she's much more focused on her career when she's not with a guy. She said the guy becomes distracting. She said that she's out if there's any bullshit in the relationship. She said she can't handle lying.
Howard asked Chelsea about the guy she was dating last and said that he looked like a model. Howard told her she needs an uglier guy who would appreciate her more. Howard asked if she'd be into dating Gary. Chelsea said that he's not her type. She said she is attracted to guys who have made something out of themselves from nothing.
Howard said he and Beth are still pretty healthy with the sex thing. Howard said they have sex at least twice a week when they're really busy. Howard asked if the sex thing dropped off for her. She said that's part of it. She said that they were living across the country from each other so that was tough.
Chelsea said she had sex this weekend. She said he was an ex from a long time ago. She said that she's able to have sex with him with no emotion. Chelsea said that her show is moving and it's a lot of pressure. Howard asked why they're moving it. Chelsea said that they're going to have more room and they're going to have more to the show overall. Howard said they're moving to the old Conan studio. She said they are and she doesn't think that it's jinxed or anything.
Chelsea said that what they did to the old building was like being in a fraternity. She said this new place feels like a grown up kind of place.
Chelsea told Howard that she's not a big shower person. She said she has gone a couple of days without. Howard said he has to shower every day. He said the balls get stinky. Chelsea said she's not into it because it's annoying. She said she hates the hair washing. She said she does it out of respect to the other people around her.
Howard said there are people who don't shower before the gym. He said it gets really smelly. Chelsea said that she will shower before but not after working out. Howard said she must be smelly. He said she must like her own body smells. Chelsea said she's not that into herself. She said that she's just into getting things done.
Howard asked Chelsea if she masturbates at all. She said she used to when she was like 8 or 9 but not these days. She said that it's kind if disgusting. She said that she would rather have sex with a guy. Howard asked about the guy she fucked this weekend. Howard asked if she thinks about getting back together with the guy. She said no. Chelsea said that they went away for the weekend. She said they went up state to pick apples. Howard asked if they stayed in a little Bed and Breakfast. She said tat's what they did. She said they did it like 3 times in the day and a half they were together. Howard said he bets that she's a lot of fun. Chelsea said she thinks she is.
Howard asked how her body is. Chelsea said it's decent. She said she had a torn ACL so she had an operation and her leg atrophied so that looks odd.
Howard asked Chelsea about her parents and what they were like. Chelsea said that her dad was a used car salesman. She said that she's not sure he was that good. She said that she doesn't know how you get better at doing that.
Howard asked when the new program debuts. Chelsea said that it's starting on October 15th. She said she'll have Jennifer Aniston on the first show in the new studio. Howard asked if it's fatiguing to have someone like that as a friend. Chelsea said that they rarely talk on the phone but they do email a lot. She said that she is a close friend and they get together and hang out.
Howard asked Chelsea about Jennifer getting mad at her for talking about Angelina Jolie being a bad mom. Chelsea said that she never talked about her with Jennifer. She said she was talking about Angelina long before she became friends with Jennifer.
Howard said he heard that Chelsea has like 9 shows in development with her production company. Chelsea said that she does and she was doing ''Are You There Chelsea.'' Howard asked why she didn't play herself. Chelsea said she wasn't physically capable. She said she couldn't be there all week. Howard said they could have called her someone else and she could have been herself. Chelsea said that they're doing other shows for other people. She said she has a show in development with Whitney Cummings. She said that will be on E! and they sold some other shows to FOX.
Chelsea asked how much Howard makes a year. Howard said he didn't want to talk about it. He said he's embarrassed by it. He said he makes a lot. Howard asked Chelsea what she makes. She didn't want to talk about it either.
Howard asked Chelsea if she's into giving BJs. She said if she's into the person she will do that and she's into it. She said if it's a one night stand she won't do it. Howard asked if she did it with the guy she was with this weekend. She said no to that. Howard asked who paid for the weekend. Chelsea said that they used a friend's house and they didn't have to pay. Howard asked if the guy used a rubber. Chelsea said that they didn't. She said that she trusts him and she has had sex with him in the past. Howard said that he could have cum inside of her. Chelsea said she'd have to get an abortion if she got pregnant. She said she has done it a million times with the guy. She said she has been pregnant when she was younger.
Howard asked Chelsea about where the guy finished. She said she's not going to talk about that with him. Howard said he's not sure why people are having sex without rubbers. He said that he uses a rubber because he doesn't want to have kids. Chelsea suggested that he get a vasectomy. She said it's weird to use a condom. Howard said it isn't weird. Chelsea asked what he does with them when he's done. He said he flushes them. Chelsea asked how he likes the feeling with one. Howard said he still finishes in like 2 or 3 minutes. Howard said it's awful for Beth. He said he's no prize.
Howard said he'd like to do Chelsea's show but he can't fly out there. He said if he's out there sometime he'll do the show. Howard said he hates flying.
Howard asked if she wants to have any kids. Chelsea said no. She said that would be so mean for that child. She said she has 8 nieces and nephews and the kids are just yelling and screaming and she looked at her sister and said she doesn't see what the upside of having kids is. She said her sister told her that her son will look at her and tell her she's beautiful but that's not enough for her. Howard said he had a very positive experience with the kids but he doesn't have the energy for it now.
Chelsea asked if he would divorce her if she wanted a kid. Howard said he's 58 and he's over the hill. Chelsea said that he could do it. Howard said he's not sure how many more good years he has. Chelsea asked if he has a great relationship with his daughters. Howard said he does but they do their own thing now. Howard said you need energy for that.
Chelsea said she sat down with Reese Witherspoon and talked about how she can't understand what she's doing at all. Howard asked if she's closer to Jennifer Aniston or Reese. She said she's not going to pick just one. Howard said he admires Chelsea for knowing that she wouldn't make a good mother. Robin asked why he was asking if she would regret it later in life. Howard said he was just wondering if she would think about it some day and think about what he might have missed out on. Chelsea said she gets enough of it with her nieces and nephews. She said the thought of it makes her nauseous. She said she's never felt that biological clock thing going on. She said her sisters get it too and they think she's got the right attitude.
Howard asked if she has only sisters. Chelsea said there are three girls and three boys. Howard said he wonders what it would be like to make love to her. Chelsea laughed at the term ''make love'' and said that sometimes it is just fucking. Howard said this weekend sounds like it was ''just fucking.'' Howard said he doesn't get it for her. Howard asked what it is about the guy that she had to break up. She said they had a great weekend together. She said that it just doesn't work that way.
Howard asked Chelsea about going to the wake for Mary Kennedy. Howard asked why she was there. Chelsea said she dated someone who is close to the family. She said that's the only reason she was there. Howard asked if it was a freaky funeral. She said that it was kind of. Howard said the whole thing is kind of strange. Chelsea said she went to a gospel funeral once and they were dancing. She said that's the way it should be.
Howard told Chelsea about going out when he was single. He said he had sex with some A-listers. He said that everyone was really great and he liked meeting new people and going to bed with them but nothing was ever completely right. Then he met Beth and the party was over. Howard said it was probably best for him that it went that way. Howard said he's proud of himself. He said if he was single he'd give it to her. He said he thinks that they could have had some fun. He said he would have banged her but it would have been over in 3 seconds.
Howard said he would have used a condom with her. Chelsea said that she would always do that with someone she doesn't know. She said that she just doesn't do that anymore. She said it's just not worth it these days.
Howard asked Chelsea about who her best guests are. She said that she likes Will Ferrall. Howard said he had him on years ago and he blames himself for having a bad interview. He said he didn't handle the guy well. Chelsea said that Will is a normal guy who is a comedian. She said that he's not like Robin Williams or Jim Carrey with that manic personality. Howard said that he was talking to someone about Will and how they started to fake rape him and Will stayed in a gay character he was in and that's just weird. He said it's funny but it's off camera. Chelsea said that she finds that to be very funny.
Howard asked what female guests she likes. Chelsea said she likes Charlize Theron. She said that she's insanely beautiful. Chelsea said that she doesn't give a shit about anything and she'll say whatever. Chelsea said that Kate Beckinsale is really great too. She said that she's very funny and she's great on the show. Howard asked if she's ever seen her nude. Chelsea said she has been to her house and she has an insane body. Howard asked how tall she is. Chelsea said she's probably 5'7'' or so. Howard asked if she's ever fooled around with women. Chelsea said that she has done it with a guy in the room. Chelsea said that she doesn't remember if she orgasmed. She said it's not like she was sober at the time.
Chelsea told Howard that she has dated some guys from the show. She dated 50 Cent and an animal trainer too. She said that guy was very manly in bed. She said she felt like one of the Olsen twins being thrown around. She said he was too much for her actually. Chelsea said that he was so stupid that she just had to kick him out of the house. She said that her dog hated him. She said that he acts like he knows everything but he knows nothing.
Howard asked Chelsea how long she lasted with that guy. She said it was about 2 months. She said that her sister lost a wedding ring in the ocean once and he thought that he was going to go in and find it. She said that he went in looking for it and he walked out of the water like he was taking a victory lap and he didn't even find it. She said that he was so stupid.
Chelsea said one day this guy wanted a piece of apple pie on the plane they were on. She said that she wondered where he got that idea from. She said that they usually have crackers and maybe an ice cream sundae or something. She said they never have apple pie. Chelsea said she didn't say anything to him about it. She said that he asked the flight attendant for a piece of pie and she told him they don't have that. She said he asked for a Jim Beam on the rocks once and they don't have that either. Chelsea said that he claimed that he had been in first class before and he had gotten pie. She said she asked what airline he flies on because they don't have apple pie. She said she dated that guy after Ted Harbert.
Howard asked Chelsea about who her worst guest is. Chelsea mentioned that it might be Ted. She said she really doesn't dislike him though. Howard said he didn't get it when she was dating him. Chelsea said that she had to ask her publicist if people thought it was weird that she did that. The publicist said that a lot of people thought it was weird.
Howard asked Chelsea about the Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart relationship. Howard said he's going back to her now and he doesn't understand that. Chelsea said they have a strong connection and they probably think that this is some special thing. Howard said the guy could have any girl on the planet he wants. Chelsea said that anyone could do that. Howard said she's no prize. Chelsea said that she's pretty. Howard said she is but she's not that special.
Howard said Chelsea just picked her nose and she doesn't care. Chelsea said she's been doing that since she was 8 years old. She said she'll pick her nose in her car and she'll forget that people will know who she is. She said she drives a Bentley and people will see her doing it and yell out her name.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Chelsea about her sex life and wrapped up with her. Howard said Chelsea has a new stage for her show. Howard said that's good for her. Howard said it's a vote of confidence from E!. Howard said the new set debuts on October 15th. Howard said he hopes that it all works out for her. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and added some echo to the song Fred had playing. Howard said he was trying to make it better. Howard sang along with it a little bit.
Robin asked if Howard was in Central Park this weekend. Howard said he took a walk there. He said he heard that Neil Young was there. Robin said she thought he'd be there for that. Howard said he doesn't like outdoor music. He said he needs to be indoors.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who said she doesn't get treated right on the show. Howard said she has to give him a break. Howard said he gave her $250 last week. She said she had to beg him for that money. Howard said he doesn't have to give her money. Howard asked what she wanted. She flipped out and hung up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was pretty disgusted with Debbie and the way she treats him. She said that no one really knows who she is other than being on the show. He also said that she looks a lot like Pee Wee Herman with that hair cut she has.
Howard said he has a couple of people sitting in today. He said he had Jane Wells there. She's the singer who he photographed this weekend. Jane said she is a music artist but the photos are for her next album. She said she has a meditation CD that is coming out in Mid-November. She said the photo will be for the cover of that. Howard said if she doesn't like the photos she can just toss them.
Howard said that Jason was also there to make sure he wasn't out of line photographing her. Howard said he's like her bodyguard. Howard asked if he handled himself in a professional way. Jason said he was incredible. Jason said that they were very professional and they had a great time. He said he's worried that this will pull Howard's attention from his radio show. Howard said they don't have to worry about that. Howard said he is an artist and Jason is correct.
Howard asked Jane if she thinks he's crazy because she is a psychologist. Jane said she sees him as very intelligent and as a comedian. She said that some people may be confused by the way he looks at life.
Howard said they whipped through a lot of costume changes during the photo shoot. Howard said they did some interesting things with the photo shoot. Jason said Howard was covered in hay. He said Robin would have enjoyed seeing that. Howard said he had hay raining down on Jane in some shots. He said it was a wild session. He said he's wonderful with that stuff.
Howard said Jane is a great artist and she will have the pictures she so deserves. Jason asked if it was time for a Sybian ride. Howard told Jason to go right ahead and get on it.
Howard said they had a good time at that 4 hour shoot. Jason said Beth was great. Howard said he could tell that Jane trusted Beth. Howard said he had a lighting assistant that day too. He said that he was from Nikon. Howard said this was pretty complicated. He said that most photographers wouldn't understand what he was doing that day. He said he needed help so this guy Mike was the man. He said he had some other guys helping fill his head with ideas.
Howard took a call from Red Gypsy who said that Chelsea Handler was great on the show today. She said that Chelsea is a great guest. Howard said he had a good time interviewing her.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he bets that 80 percent of his listeners think she's awful cunty. Howard said he can see that. Jeff said he thought she was awful. Howard said he thinks Jeff is threatened by her. Jeff said that she sounds like an idiot thinking that Howard filmed AGT out there. Howard said she was referring to the audition shows. Jeff said that she thought they filmed all of the shows out there. Howard didn't think so.
Howard said he read that Mike Love kicked Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys. Howard wondered why he can do that and Brian Wilson can't kick Mike out.
Howard said FOX News had a suicide during some high speed chase. Howard said they were apologizing for showing it instead of just hitting the delay on the whole thing. Howard said that he loves watching that stuff so he watched it a bunch of times. Howard said right after that suicide they cut to a hot chick with no journalism credentials doing news.
Howard said he read about Liam Neeson doing another Taken movie. Howard said he loved the first one. They spent a minute on that.
Howard said he was reading the new Rolling Stone with Adele on the cover. Howard said he doesn't even know if she has a body. They only show her face. He said that we all know she's fat.
Howard said he got through the entire weekend without Sonos. He said he just wanted to mention that. Howard asked Robin to start her news after Fred played her in with a song parody by Eli Braden.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan being back in the news. Robin said that Lindsay had some people at her hotel room and one of the guests had shot some pictures that she didn't want out there. She snapped and went off on the guy. Robin said that she wound up in the hall pulling the fire alarm and calling 9-1-1. Robin said they arrested the guy but let him go.
Debbie the Pet Lady called back in and asked why he can't take 5 minutes to watch her video about her bird being sick. Howard said he believed her about the bird. She wanted to give the money back to Howard today too. Howard said he thought she was going to get the bird fixed with the money. She said she can't get it fixed. She yelled at him again and hung up. Howard said he wants to know if she helped the bird or not. Robin said she just said she can't help it. Howard said he heard that she bought another bird.
Howard said he wants to talk more about this Arnold Schwarzenegger. He said that the Kennedy women might be crazier than he is. Howard said Maria Shriver married him and stayed with him. Howard said according to Arnold he was constantly cheating and he let her know it. Robin said the book Arnold wrote is 600 pages and only 5 of those pages are about the maid. Robin said the rest of that book is useless to her. Robin had some audio from last night's 60 Minutes where Arnold was talking about the maid and how stupid he thought that was.
Howard took a call from a woman who talked about the 60 Minutes Arnold interview a little bit. Howard said that he really has to get Arnold in there. He said even if they have to kidnap the guy they have to get him in there. The caller said she would help.
Howard said maybe they can play more of the Arnold interview tomorrow. He said he'd like to listen to it in long form. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:55am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about illegal immigrants with same sex marriages having their deportations put on hold.
Robin read a story about California banning people from trying to change homosexual minors into heterosexuals.
Robin said that this guy Todd Aiken could still win the election even after his ''legitimate rape'' comments. Howard said that's madness. Howard said the republican party has gone mad. He said they don't believe in science anymore. Robin said this guy is just stupid. She said he believed that the vagina could tell if it was the sperm from a rape or not. Robin had some audio of Aiken talking about how the government shouldn't be telling employers what to pay women. Robin said the race with Aiken and the other congressman is very tight. Howard said he thinks the world has gone mad. He said he can't believe that anyone would vote for him but he could win.
Robin read about Paul Ryan and how his budget could add $5 trillion to the deficit. Howard said that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are so bad as candidates that no won wants to vote for them even with the economy being as bad as it is. Robin had some audio of Paul Ryan talking about his budget ideas and tax rate drops. Howard read another live commercial a short time later.
Robin read about the upcoming presidential debates. She had some audio of John McCain talking about how it's going to be very predictable and the candidates will have their answers ready.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he's going back to AGT or not. Howard said he hasn't decided yet. Howard said he's still weighing the pros and cons. Mariann gave him a couple of pros. She said that she's the queen and he can't give up the audience that loves him. Howard said he is inclined to go back but he is exhausted. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said he should go back. Howard said he'll ask Jason Dussault (Jane's friend). Jason said he should go back. He said the world needs more Howard. Howard said they should have listened to him then. He said they should have let that Comedian win. He said maybe he wasn't forceful enough.
Howard asked Jane what she thinks. Jane asked if he wants to go back. Howard said he doesn't know. He said he lets other people make decisions for him. Howard asked Jason what he does for a living. Jason said he did a reality show and he's a designer. He said he had a show called Dussault Inc. He said it ran in Canada. Howard said that a lot of people are going to buy Jane's album when it comes out because his picture is going to be on there. Howard said she's a singer and a meditator. Howard said she's also a psychologist and now she's been photographed by him. Howard said he'd bet that was the highlight of her life. Jane said ''Well, so far so good.''
Robin read about an iPhone theft where a man was stabbed in the back. Robin said that people are keeping their phones out of sight now. Howard said he was thinking about that this weekend when he went out for a walk. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how crazy it is that we're stabbing each other over a phone.
Howard read that Jason has a line of jeans that cost a crazy amount of money. Jason said that they sold one pair for charity for $250,000. He said that some of the jeans have diamonds and things like that on them.
Robin said that this is the first Sunday in October so it's time for the U.S. Supreme court to open another term.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that when he was 16 his father was a fundamentalist who told him not to shave his head so he shaved his head. He said his dad threw him on the ground while he was in his underwear. Robin asked if they were listening to NPR or something. Howard said the show had better have a payoff. The guy said that his father was telling him that he was going down the wrong road. Howard cut the guy off and asked if he had a point. The guy said his dad strangled him with his underwear and tried to get the demons out of him. Howard said people have no idea that they're boring. Howard said this is why he won't go to parties. He doesn't want to meet people. He said if you go to a party and end up talking to someone like that you can't get out of it. Howard said most people should just shut the fuck up and sit down. That led to Fred playing Ben Stern's ''Shut up! Sit down!'' clips.
Robin said they're still looking for Jimmy Hoffa. She said they are looking into a soil sample from an area where he could have been buried.
Robin read about some shootings and car bombings that were going on in Iraq. She had details of that story and said that no one has claimed responsibility for those attacks. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about what's going on with the Ryder cup, Tiger Woods and all of that. Robin had an update on the refs returning to the NFL games. Robin read about Eli Manning coming back and winning. Robin had some other sports updates for the local teams.
Robin read about Justin Bieber getting sick on stage while he was performing on Saturday night. Howard said he must have had the same reaction to his own music that he does. Robin said she has some audio from the show where he threw up. Robin said he had to throw up a couple of times during that show. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.
Jon said the other thing that came up was when Tim came in and Howard asked him what happened in the bathroom. Gary said he thinks Tim knows every detail of how it happens but he just wants that whole thing to go away. Gary said Howard doesn't want it to go away so he keeps asking about it. Jon said that Howard is going to keep at it until he does get the story.
Benjy asked if they really think Tim knows more. Gary said he absolutely does. He said he could give every little detail of what happened. Benjy said he doesn't think that he odes. He said you don't even know that the splatter was his. Jon said you'd know it if it happened to you. He said the bathroom was a crime scene. Gary said that their guests in the studio are horrified by the story since they don't know the full story.
Jon also mentioned the pillow fluffing thing that Tim does. Gary said that Tim broke Fred's guitar months ago when he stepped over it to fluff a pillow. He said that he had to get it repaired at his own cost. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
Jon and Gary talked about how hard Tim took not being invited to the wedding. Gary said he thinks that Tim is much more honest off the air. He said he doesn't seem to want to deal with it on the air. Gary said he's just not confrontational about it. Benjy said that Tim was posting it on the Moldrid system and he doesn't think he should be doing that.
Jon asked Richie about Ronnie's poem and how that was. Richie said that Ronnie has been very close to both of them and he's been through a lot with the two of them. He said they told Ronnie to do the speech later in the evening so the older people would be gone. He said he did it at like 8:30 instead of 11:30. Gary said that's like Hank the Dwarf going to Doug Goodstein's wedding and being on his best behavior.
Jon said Jon Leiberman likes to drink and that's what he did at the wedding. Leiberman said he does drink once in a while and he regrets what happened at the wedding. Gary asked if that's a once in a lifetime thing or once a year. Leiberman said it's maybe 2 times a year. Richie asked how many times he's had to send out texts like the one he sent to him. Leiberman said he has sent out more than one.
Gary asked Leiberman about his girlfriend and how she reacts to this. Leiberman said that she has seen this kind of behavior before. He said she's very tolerant of this too. Leiberman said his nickname in college was 2 Live Jew because they used to have parties and he would start rapping in the middle of it and people would come to see him rap. He said it's a big release for him. He said during the week he works like 15 hour days and he needs that release.
Gary asked if Leiberman passed out when he got home. Leiberman said he actually didn't. He said his girlfriend told him he really can't do this anymore because it will come up on the air. Leiberman said now it's on the air and that's why he's most mad at himself. He said he didn't fully put together that this was going to be on the air and it wouldn't be good.
Jon asked Leiberman about his Lisa G comments. Leiberman said he didn't initiate that stuff. He said that he did initiate the Jay-Z song stuff but not the Lisa G comments. Gary said he watched the whole 8 minute interview on Moldrid. Jon said he didn't see it on there. Doug Goodstein said they kept it away from him.
Gary said that the guys didn't have to egg him on that much to get him to go off on Lisa. Leiberman said he takes full responsibility for what he said but he didn't initiate it.
Jon said Howard was saying that Ronnie has become Howard and what does Ronnie think about that. Ronnie said he has no idea what he was saying. He said he has no idea why he thinks or says that. Ronnie said he loves that he has a new town drunk here. He was referring to Leiberman.
Jon said that Ronnie really broke Leiberman down. Ronnie was laughing and said that now he knows how he feels. Gary said that Leiberman was able to deflect to Lisa for a little while but it came back to him. Jon said that's true. Benjy asked if he think he did anything wrong. Leiberman said that he was sorry if he took away anything from their wedding.
Doug Goodstein said he's a great drunk. He said alcohol is like truth serum for him and there were cameras there so that wasn't good for him.
Ronnie made a comment to Leiberman and Leiberman asked if he has to be an asshole all the time. Leiberman said that he's a serious reporter most of the time and he doesn't want this to take away from his reporting. He said he has learned his lesson and he wants to say that he has learned his lesson. He said he doesn't think it will but he isn't going to lie and say that he will never drink again. He said he hopes it never will.
Jon said there is a lot of Sal in that comment. Gary said he was thinking the same thing. He said if it was as embarrassing as he says it is then you'd think that he would say he would never drink again. Leiberman said that he can't say never. He said it probably won't happen again at a Stern function. Shuli said that he needs to let loose so it will happen again. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said it looks like Leiberman just scratched his head again. Leiberman said that he has sensitive skin and it'll be red for about 3 minutes.
Ronnie said that Leiberman was drunk and a mess so he's like the new Ronnie. Leiberman asked if anyone there has not gotten drunk at a wedding. Gary said it's one thing to get drunk but another to let it manifest into making him the ''drunk at the wedding.'' Shuli said that he shouldn't be screaming for a Jay-Z song at any point in the evening. Gary said that Leiberman is saying that he can't keep a promise for it to never happen again. Leiberman said he's fairly certain it won't happen again. Benjy was trying to talk to Leiberman but Leiberman said that he won't like like Benjy will.
Leiberman was talking about how things were in college with him and his 2 Live Jew nickname. He said he would do some original raps.
Jon asked the guys what they thought of Ronnie's poem. Richie said he laughed his ass off at it. He said he got just what he expected. Ronnie said he's so full of shit. He said Richie thanked him for the poem when he was done with it.
Jon said he understands that Leiberman is upset about what went on because he's not a drunk but he did get drunk. He said Ronnie is going to pass the mantle on to him.
Shuli asked Leiberman about shitting his pants after getting too drunk once. Jon said that was true but it was a long time ago. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about waking up this morning with bags under his eyes. He said he needed his beauty sleep. Howard said the bags are still there. He can't get rid of them.
Howard said he's fascinated with guys who are into sports. He said he's not really into his home team like some are. Howard said he's a Giants and Jets fan but he's not going to say he'd die for them. Howard said they were doing a report about a guy who was beaten in the stands for rooting for his team. He said he was wearing the opposing team's shirt and got beaten. Howard said Wolfie was at an Eagles game and they might be the most brutal. Gary said they can get angry. They have a jail at the stadium. Gary said Philly and Oakland are very dangerous.
Howard said the Boston guys are into their teams too. Howard said Wolfie was at the Eagles and Giants game and it's funny to hear the fans go crazy. Howard played some audio of Wolfie interviewing a bunch of fans at the game and asking what they would do to the fans of the other teams. They were talking about beating the shit out of them and things like that.
Howard played some more interviews Wolfie did and one guy was talking about how drunk he was. Another guy was using the N-word. Robin asked where he found this strain of humanity. Howard said the rivalries between the teams are crazy. Robin said that their pride and manhood is all wrapped up in it. Howard said it's weird to him because he's just not that into it. Howard said he has felt good about a local team winning but not on this level.
Howard said now Ferrall won't be around to talk about it. He said he got a deal with CBS radio so he's leaving. Howard said Ferrall is a pro and he should do fine. Howard said he has proven that he's a different guy now and he's on a good path.
Howard got back to Wolfie's interviews. One guy was talking about how he'll drink a 30 pack of beer at the game. He said if he can't do the 30 he'll do at least 24. Wolfie asked where he pees when he's tailgating. The guy said ''anywhere.'' He was also talking about getting blown and how he'd want to return the favor to the guy. Howard said he thinks he's missing out on the beauty of life. He said a lot of people are into that tailgating thing and hanging out with their buddies. Howard said he can't think of a worse way to spend a Sunday.
Howard had a clip of a guy screaming and said that he could never do that. He said he'd be clearing his throat all day like Leiberman if he yelled like that.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking a Philly fan about what he hates most about the New York fans. He was saying that Osama bin Laden should have taken them out instead of the towers. He was also talking about how gay Eli Manning looks to him. He was also saying that he hopes that all of the NY fans die on their way home.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks. Janks asked how Howard is doing. Howard said he's exhausted. He said he was working out and Pat was making him run hard. He said he did an intense 4 mile run and he still has a belly. He said he looked in the mirror and realized how gross he looks. Howard said he works out pretty hard or at least he thinks he does. Howard said his ass looks horrible. He said for a guy who works out and runs every day his ass is awful. Howard said he's down to 190 pounds and he just about passes out when he stands up now. Howard said he ran for 4 miles yesterday and he can't even stand up. Howard said he knows that Pat wants to attribute it to this heavy session but it's not that. Howard said he would rather die than tell Pat that he's dizzy. He said it turns into a whole thing if he does that.
Howard said he just ran and he comes in light headed. Howard said wherever he goes he stands up and he gets light headed. Howard said he couldn't wait to weigh himself this morning. He said he checked and he had gained 4 pounds. He said he was eating while watching TV last night. He said he was eating nuts, raisins and grapes so he was farting all last night. Howard said he waits for Beth to fall asleep before doing that. He said he lets them go and then she wakes up and says ''eww.'' Howard said she had a dream about a sewer plant the other night and now he knows why.
Howard said he DVR'd a bunch of shows the other night. He said there are some really good shows on. He said he loves Boardwalk Empire. He said he loves that Fringe too but he doesn't think they have an ending in sight. Robin said she can't believe that he isn't caught up on Dexter yet. Howard said he'll get back to it eventually. Robin said they blew it out of the park. Howard said he's watching Homeland too. Howard said he's only halfway through the first season.
Janks asked Howard if he caught Alanis Morissette performing the green day song ''Basket Case'' on Jimmy Kimmel last week. Howard said he did. He said he thought it was really good. He said he really enjoyed it. Howard had some of the audio to play too. Janks said he tweeted out the video on his Twitter account.
Howard said that Janks tweets out a lot. Howard asked how many followers he has. Janks said he has about 7,000. Howard said he knows some people who buy their followers. Howard said they do it over night too. He said that you know they're buying them. Howard thanked Janks for the call. Janks said he's @CaptainJanks
Howard played the Alanis Morissette song Janks was talking about. Howard said he loves the sound of her voice. He said it's so clear. Howard let the song play for a minute and mentioned the wack fans Wolfie had interviewed. He was talking about drinking 30 beers and how he doesn't think he could drink 30 waters.
Howard said his dad didn't drink a lot but he would have that Rob Roy once in a while. Howard said it was so gross. He said he would come home and take a sip and say ''Ah, yes. This is a good one.'' Howard said he felt so bad for his mom since she worked so hard trying to get it right for him. Howard said there's some sort of chip in him that didn't form him into a guy. He said some guys want their woman to make them a drink and he doesn't get that. Howard said he sided with the woman in that. Howard said his dad would come home and pass judgment on her Rob Roy. Robin said it's not like she was getting national recognition for the drink either. It was just one man passing judgment on her.
Howard said his dad didn't get home until 7 at night because he had to drive home from the city. Howard said he would have to take the train from the city and it took him 2 hours to get home. Howard said his dad would run upstairs to take a shit and the whole house would stink from that. Howard said they had a tiny house with one bathroom. Howard said it just wasn't for him.
Robin said they were both raised like veals. Howard said his mother would tell him how awful the holocaust was. He said she'd tell him stories about their relatives.
Gary came in and told Howard about what's involved in making a Rob Roy. He gave Howard the recipe for the drink. Howard read all of the stuff that's in the drink and said his mom had to do this every day. Howard said she would make it during the day and then keep it covered in the fridge to chill it. Howard said it was crazy. Robin said she was trying to make that house like a 1950s TV show. Howard said she put so much effort into it.
Howard said he always felt bad because his dad would eat after. He said he wanted to eat at 4 but his mom would make him wait for his father. Howard said she would eventually break down and eat before he came home. Howard said his dad would come home and eat and then go upstairs to shit it out.
Howard said his dad would tell him about his day at work and how bad that was. Howard said his dad would tell him to shut up and listen if he tried to ask a question. Howard said he was always told he was asking stupid questions. Howard said his dad had this record company called Ping Pong Records. Howard said his dad hated Ping Pong because he knew it was a waste of time and money. Howard said he gave him a card once with Ping Pong written on the back and his dad flipped out. He said he was just trying to get into his world a little bit but he freaked out.
Howard said if someone put him in a time machine he'd go back and kill himself. Howard said he couldn't go back to that. His dad was always yelling at him to shut up and sit down. He said the whole Rob Roy thing was sad. He said he was always sad.
Robin said she heard that some legendary rock club is closing there. Howard said he could never go there. He said he'd be scared. Robin said she's the same way. Howard said he hates that you can't even go to a football game without getting beaten up by the opposing team.
Howard said he remembers fat guys drinking beer at games and his dad would tell him they're just drunks and he shouldn't pay attention to them. Howard said men are gross. Robin said she doesn't think that kids and grown adults should be in the same area.
Robin said that Will gets into fights at stadiums. Howard said Will is out of his mind. He said he should calm the fuck down and grow up. Gary said he thinks that Will did grow up. Howard said he loves Will but the whole carrying on thing is weird. Will said he has gotten over it. He said he just stays quiet now. Will said he has a kid now and he can't watch TV that much. Howard asked if his life is hell now. Will said it's just different fun. Howard asked if his wife gets on him about watching the kid. Will said they were both stressed out over the weekend. He said they did get into it a little bit. Will said they were both stressed and that happens. He said he shouldn't have been watching the game.
Howard said maybe Will's kid should be watching too so he can grow up to be a jerk. Will said that if you go to an opposing team's game wearing your team's jersey then you're asking to get beat up. Howard said Will has been thrown out of games. Will said he's embarrassed by some of that stuff. He said he jumped on a woman's back for wearing a Vikings jersey. He said he was trying to be funny for his friends. Will said he's never attacked a big dude. It's always women and children.
Will said he's been almost thrown out of every game he's been to. He said they've done some crazy stuff at games. He said they jumped into a port-a-potty that someone was in once.
Howard asked Will if it's worth it with everything he's doing now. Will said he has a wife and a kid and he's getting things done. He said of course it's worth it. Howard said he'll love it when his kid is like 27 years old. Will said he is looking forward to that but then he'll be an old man. Howard said it's crazy. Howard asked if he's having more kids. Will said he'll have at least one more. He said he can't just have one. Will said that the first couple of years are the toughest with the kid. He said he'll love it when the kid is playing sports and stuff.
Howard said he heard that Will yelled at a kid about there not being a Santa Claus. Will said the kid was like 9 so it was time to learn anyway. Howard asked if Will would bring his son to see an Eagles game. Will said he would bring him to the Eagles stadium but not to an Eagles game at Giant's stadium.
Gary came in and said that he, Jason and Will were going to a Jets game once and someone pushed Will and they almost got into a fight. Gary said he got scared over what was going on. Gary said that there was a guy at Dodger stadium who got beaten so bad he was almost a vegetable. Gary said he hates to agree with Will but if you do wear an opposing team's jersey then you are asking for it.
Howard said Gary's son is a Jets fan. Gary said his son loves the Jets but they don't want to kill Dolphin's fans or anything. He said some people are really into it. He said that this guy who got beaten had people yelling at his kids that their mother was a whore and things like that. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Will said he was taken out of a game once because the security people were worried about his safety. He once got thrown out after getting A-Rod's attention and had him give him the finger. Gary said that most guys seem to be able to tune it out but not every time. Will was close to A-Rod because he had Artie's seats on the third base line. Gary said that Artie hated A-Rod and he would beat on him until he got his attention too. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that Sting is 61 years old today. Howard said Robin didn't even know that. Robin said she did not. Howard said he mentioned earlier that Ferrall is leaving. He said he's thinking aback to when he started there. Howard said he was his number one pick along with Bubba. Howard said Ferrall was one of the first names that came to him. He said he wanted guys who had gotten shit on in the business and needed a second chance. Howard said he's sad that he's leaving but he's happy that he's going to CBS Sports. He said that he is so into sports and it's a good match for him. Howard said that's a chance to go back and prove some things. Howard said he wishes him the best.
Howard played some audio from Scott's show last night where he made the announcement that he's leaving. He had taken a call from a guy who said he knows he can't talk much about it without being negative. Scott said that he's had a great experience there at SiriusXM. He said it is true that he's going to CBS Sports radio network. He said he starts January 2nd. Scott said he couldn't turn down and opportunity like this. Howard said he's right. He said it's too good of an opportunity. Howard said he still has more to prove.
Howard said he needs to do it and he gets it. He said the guy is a very loyal guy and he's very happy for him. Howard said Scott said some nice things and he feels the same for him.
Howard said Scott gave them one of the greatest discovered, the Iron Sheik. Howard said Scott told them they had to have him on the show and they did. Howard played some audio of Scott talking to Sheik and having a caller get him all wound up so he was screaming and calling the caller, who was calling in as Randy Savage, a Jew bastard and things like that.
Howard said it was always great when the callers would get the Iron Sheik wound up. Howard said they'd torture the guy. Howard said Scott will be missed there. Howard said he's proud to have worked with him for the past 7 years.
Howard played some audio of Scott talking about how great Howard has been to him. Scott said he can't even express how grateful he is to Howard. He said Howard believed in him and chose him to be on his channel 101 for the last 7 years. He said he will always honor the time. Howard said Scott has had other offers too. Scott was saying that Howard picked him and he will never forget that. He got to work with the King of All Media and it was the greatest 7 years of his life. He said he doesn't hang around the Stern Show bunker much but he thinks so highly of the people there. He said he is in shock that he's had this run. He said he hasn't had a job longer than 4 years in once place in the past 28 years. He said he was there for 7 years in December. Scott said he can only look up to Howard as the greatest thing to happen to him in his radio career.
Howard said he's getting a little verklempt listening to that. Howard played another Iron Sheik clip where he was screaming at a caller. Howard wondered if he yells more or Debbie the Pet Lady does. Howard picked up on Debbie who was kind of calm. Debbie said she's not going to yell. Howard said she will yell. Debbie said that Ferrall has the worst voice and no one complains about it. Howard said he's an accomplished person. Debbie said Howard won't give a girl a chance. She was starting to yell. Howard asked if she can talk sports. Debbie said she can talk about pets. Howard said that they have had women on Sirius who are accomplished radio personalities. Howard said they had Lynn Samuels there.
Howard said they had Meet the Shrink on there. He said that was hosted by a woman. Robin said that they also had that girl who did the sex talk show. Howard said that was Heidi Cortez. Howard said he really has to go. Debbie said that he always has to go on her. Debbie asked if he still wants her to call in. Howard said he enjoys her calls. She said that some people hate her. Howard said he likes her. He told her to keep calling. She thanked him for that and said a mellow ''goodbye'' to him.
Howard said he thinks that JD should get over being a Reds fan and just be a New York fan. Robin said that you don't have to live in the community to be a fan. Howard said JD grew up in Cincinnati and it was the worst time of his life. JD came in saying it wasn't the worst time of his life.
Howard was talking about fighting JD and wondered if he could beat him up. JD said he thinks he could take him on. He wasn't saying he could beat him though. Howard said he thinks he'd start grabbing. Howard said he took Karate when he was younger and you know it doesn't really work unless you're in the movies. Howard said he would go right in and get up close. Howard said he should be using his reach to protect himself but he doesn't do that. Robin said that she thinks weapons are better. JD said he watches a lot of MMA. Howard said most guys who watch that stuff can't beat anyone up. Tommy said the MMA stuff is kind of gay. Robin said it does look that way at times when she's tuned in. JD said that they do 69 a lot in the fights. Howard said he would tap out if someone had their balls in his mouth.
Howard said he thinks that JD could take him. He said he's not a good fighter. Howard said he has had people sit on his head and stuff. He said he was constantly fighting when he was in school. He said even if you lost you fought.
Tommy asked if Howard had to fight that guy who wanted his pants. Howard said he didn't have to fight that guy for some reason. Howard said that guy was part of a gang and he was told he wasn't going to live past the age of 14. Howard said he was pretty scared. He said he told the guy he couldn't give him his pants. He said he couldn't do that in English class. Robin said this is like that Shawshank Redemption movie. Howard said he wasn't having a picnic at that school. Howard said he would walk into the locker room and people would throw garbage cans over the lockers at him. Howard said that's why he's so bitter. He said that people can't have it worse than he did.
Howard said all of the anger he had came out when he got older. Howard said when he was a kid he was a soldier. He was his mom's soldier. Howard said he became what a guy who suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder does. Howard said he took drugs and became a zombie when he was a kid. Howard said he didn't have friends and he felt like a fish out of water. Howard said no one was going to take pity on him. He said he was ignored and it was like he didn't even live there.
Tommy said he wouldn't be who he is if he didn't have all of that. Howard said he could have been even better. He said he walks around angry. Tommy said he walks around angry too. Howard said that's because he sits around all day. He said Tommy has to get out.
Tommy asked Howard if he wants to give a eulogy for John Silva. Howard asked if he died. Tommy said he did. Howard said that guy would say shit about him and his career. Howard said he's proud of where he went to school but that guy had some shit to say about him. Howard said he was out of it in college but he had a good experience with his education. Howard said no one liked him in college. Howard said Dr. Lou is his only friend. Howard said Lou would make friends and he'd be in the group. He said he got to hang around with the other guys. Howard said he's not good in social situations. He said he's damaged goods. Robin said everyone is damaged goods.
Tommy said John Silva was a very angry guy. Howard said he was missing an arm so of course he's angry. Howard said the guy would roll up his suit sleeve and it appeared to be very involved. Howard said that fucking guy was critical of him and he thought he was a scumbag. Howard said Silva thought he shouldn't say some things but he's going to say what he wants to say. He said that guy didn't know shit and neither did his professors.
Howard said that we're all nobodies. He said that people think that when they go they're going to be missed and the place they work at is going down the drain. He said Boston University is doing just fine without Silva. Howard said that he was just a dancing monkey.
Tommy told Howard that Salman Rushdie has a new book out and he's asking $35 to go see him. Tommy said he wouldn't pay that to see that guy. Howard said the guys who will pay are the guys who want him dead. Howard said those terrorists are the only guys giving publicity to that book. Howard said no one even reads. Howard said the only way they'll know about the book is if they make it into a movie. He said they had better make it 3-D or we'll lose interest even faster.
Robin said the pope's butler is in trouble for releasing some private stuff from the pope. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard did his Pope impression after Tommy mentioned the impression he does. Howard said he has to let Tommy go.
Howard said he gets so much hate mail over Gary's internet show. Howard said he has never gotten so much hate mail over a subject. He said he was trying to help improve Gary's show. He said he was giving some suggestions for the show. He played a clip of Gary's show being sped up a bit. Howard asked Robin what she thought. Robin said it was very entertaining. Howard said he could slow it down too. He tried that but it was worse that way. Howard said Gary is explaining Apple TV in that clip. Howard said he heard that Gary is going to bring on Jon Hein for his next show. He said that makes sense because he talks like a person when he talks to Jon.
Howard said Gary's show will only get better from now on. He said he did help with that show. Howard played more of the slowed down version of Gary's show. Gary came in and said that the show is getting better.
Gary said that Dr. Ruth is there early. Howard said she's coming on the show today. Robin didn't even know she was still alive. Howard said he thought she was in her 70s many years ago. She's actually 84 years old. Howard said he hopes she's dressed hot today. Gary said she's there to promote her line of wine. Howard said he should have a line of wine since he whines all the time.
Howard said a lot of people have wine. Gary said Savanna has a line of wine. Robin said the Train guys have a wine too. Howard said he sees that and thinks it can't be good. Gary said it actually is good. Howard said he should do a wine and visit a vineyard. Howard said that would mean flying so forget that. Robin said there are vineyards in New Jersey and Long Island.
Howard said he'll let Dr. Ruth chill out for a few out there. Howard said he has a lot of questions for her. Howard said Sal has KISS wine but he won't drink it because he thinks it's a collector item. Howard said you know that Gene Simmons is cheaping out with the stuff and it's not going to be very good wine.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it's true that he and Beth have been asked to do a daytime talk show up against Kelly Ripa. Howard said that's right, they're going to be the darlings of morning TV. Howard said they may be the only ones who haven't been offered a talk show. Howard said there are so many on already. Howard said that Jeff Probst has one. He said that there are a bunch of new ones out there. Howard said he isn't in talks with any network about that. He said he is in talks with networks about other stuff but not a morning talk show. Howard said he can't talk about the other stuff he's in talks with. He said he has all kinds of secret meetings but he's not allowed to talk about it. Howard said in 3 years he's done with Sirius. He said he should have something lined up in the next year or so.
Robin said that Regis has hooked up with Rachel Ray. Howard said he heard that Regis is presenting Gary with an award. He said Regis knows nothing about Gary though. Howard asked what the award is for. Gary said it's for raising awareness and funds for AIDS over time. He said it's another fund raiser so hopefully people will come.
The caller asked about Howard's ass since he was talking about it earlier. Howard said it's droopy and cellulite filled. Gary said he's 58 years old though. Howard said the rest of his body is in good shape. He said his ass is the worst. Gary said Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't even in good shape anymore. He said that no old guys look good. Howard said you'd think that his ass muscle would look better from running. The caller said Howard looks gorgeous when he gets dressed up. Howard said he has to back out of the room so Beth doesn't see it.
Howard said Dr. Ruth was a sniper in the Israeli army. Howard said she claims she never killed anyone. Howard said they all claim that. Gary said that he put a pillow on the couch because Dr. Ruth wanted to be more eye to eye with Howard. Howard said she had a shitty upbringing. Howard said he has to ask her about that. He said he thinks he'll get her to talk about how miserable it was. Gary asked if it's holocaust stuff. Howard said she has to have some of that going on. Gary said she moves pretty well for an 84 year old. Howard said that's because she's short. Howard said when you're tall and old that's the really sad thing. He said that's why he has to retire and hide.
Howard and Robin were talking about some people who fond out that their families had people who were involved in the Nazi party or Nazis who found out that heir family was Jewish. That led to Fred playing some Gilbert Gottfried singing clips. They went to break a short time later.
Dr. Ruth came in and said she wanted to look into Howard's good looking face so she asked for pillows to sit on. Howard said she looks terrific for an 84 year old. Dr. Ruth asked him to say that again. Howard asked her to speak Hebrew with Shuli. Dr. Ruth said a few words and Shuli spoke back to her. They went back and forth with that for a minute. They told Howard what they were talking about. Ruth said she wondered why she hasn't been there in so many years. Howard said he thought he had offended her in some way. Ruth said he hasn't offended her at all. Shuli told Howard that she told Howard to be nice to her because she was a sniper in the Israeli Army.
Howard said that he sees Ruth's live as a very sad life. Dr. Ruth said she is going to invite Howard to see the play they're making about her. She said that the playwright is right out in the green room. She said that she will answer some of his questions but not all. Howard said she has an interesting way to shy off of what he wants to talk about. Ruth said that they know about this already. Ruth said she came to plug a wine called Vin d'Amour.
Howard asked why she's promoting a wine. Ruth doesn't even drink wine. Ruth said she might drink a glass of wine if she went out to dinner with Howard. Ruth said that people are stressed and she tells people to drink a little bit of wine. Not too much. She said if you drink too much then the man can't perform. She said if the woman drinks too much then she falls asleep. Ruth said that you can't drink too much.
Howard said her wine is only 6 percent alcohol. Howard said most people want to get high off their wine. Dr. Ruth said her wine, Vin d'Amour, is something that people can only drink a little bit of. She said she wants people to drink the wine and then make love. She said if you can't fall asleep after that then you can drink the other wine. She said then you can go to sleep.
Howard asked Dr. Ruth to answer some questions about her life. Howard was about to say something about her but Ruth cut him off saying that he shouldn't analyze her. Howard said he wants to know more about her life but Ruth said maybe if she went out and had some wine she'd talk.
Howard asked if Ruth grew up in Israel. Ruth said she was born in 1928 in Germany. She said she lived in the house of two loving parents. She said she went to a Jewish school. Then in 1939 there were black clouds on the horizon. She said she was sent to Switzerland. She said she went there without her parents. Howard asked if her parents got her out because they saw what was happening. She said that no one wanted to take the German Jews. She said that her father was taken to a German labor camp. She said she remembers him very well. She said she was 10 and a half when he was taken. Ruth said that she had no choice but to go to Switzerland.
Howard asked if she saw her father ripped out of the house. She said she did. Ruth asked Howard to be quiet for one minute. She said that the place she went to in Switzerland because an orphanage. She said that all of the parents were taken to concentration camps. Howard said he's almost in tears from this. Ruth didn't want to talk more about this. Howard asked if she was told when she was living there that her parents had been wiped out. She said they did not tell them. She said that they didn't know until the end of the war.
Howard asked how she found out that her parents were gone. She said that lists came out showing who died and who lived. Howard asked about finding out her whole family was wiped out. Ruth said she was an only child. Howard asked if she moved to Israel to fight for this new cause. She said she did. Ruth said she survived while one and a half million children were killed. Ruth said she went to Palestine and became a sniper. She told him to be careful because she can still do that.
Howard asked if she was surprised that they let her in back then. Ruth said she volunteered. She said they would take anyone because they needed all the people they could get. She said Howard would have been a member and so would Robin.
Ruth told Howard that her husband, Fred, liked him. She said he listened to Howard's show a lot. Howard asked about Ruth getting into the army and how she's only 4'8'' tall. She said she's actually only 4'7'' tall.
Howard read that Ruth had part of her foot blown off in the war. Howard wanted to see it. Ruth said she did but she will not show him. Howard asked if her height bothered her when she was younger. Ruth said it did. She said she thought no one would marry her. She said she thought no one would marry her. She said that she thinks that the men she was with were attracted to her talk.
Howard asked Ruth if she says she never killed anyone because that's what soldiers do. Ruth said she doesn't just say that. She said she was in the army for a very short period of time. She said that she was only there for 2 months. Ruth said she still knows how to shoot but she doesn't own a gun. Howard asked why not. She said she believes that only the military should own guns.
Howard asked how she lost her foot. She said a bomb went off and it was on her 20th birthday. She said that it was a cannon ball that hit the building she was in. Howard said that this is heavy stuff. Howard asked how she reacted. Ruth said she did ask if she had to die. Howard said that's an interesting thing to ask. Ruth said she wanted to talk more about her wine. Howard said they'll get to it. Howard said they're talking about her foot getting blown off now. Howard said she has to stop it.
Howard said that Ruth is talking about something so personal and she's jumping to wine. Howard said it's like the best defense mechanism. Howard said he wants to know more about her life and she's changing the subject. Howard asked if she thought that it was the end of her dating life then. Ruth said no. Ruth said that she was a super good skier and the foot healed up eventually. Robin asked if it was just the surface that was affected. Ruth said it was just the top of the foot.
Ruth got back to the wine and asked if he had a bottle. Howard said he doesn't have it. Howard gave her a few plugs for the Vin d'Amour.
Howard asked what her parents would think about this great career she's had. Ruth said they wouldn't believe it. She said she thinks about her parents every day.
Howard asked Ruth if she went to Arnold Schwarzenegger's book party yesterday. Ruth said she did. Howard and Robin asked her about what went on with Arnold and his maid. Ruth said she's not going to comment on that.
Howard asked Ruth if she still masturbates. Ruth laughed. Howard said that she's a big advocate of sex and she teaches courses. Howard asked if it aggravates her that people think an 84 year old woman doesn't have sexual desire. Ruth said that it does but she won't talk about her sex life. Howard asked if she uses a vibrator or a banana. Ruth said she doesn't talk about it.
Howard told Ruth that he found out she was at the book party because she Tweeted it. Ruth said she doesn't tweet herself. She said that she has someone who does that for her.
Ruth told Howard that the person playing her in the play is going to be Debra Jo Rupp who played the mother on ''That 70s Show.'' She said she learned her accent and she does it very well.
Howard asked Ruth if she ever went to a therapist. She said she never did. Howard said he has been going for many years.
Howard said that he doesn't understand why Ruth has never dealt with her anger. Ruth said that she might talk about that stuff with him if she went out to dinner with him. Howard asked if she thinks that the world has turned its back on Israel. Ruth said she goes there every year. She told Howard that they do need more people to stand up to the people who are against Israel. Howard asked if she is voting for Obama. Ruth said she doesn't talk politics. Howard said she won't stand up for anything. Ruth said she is a democrat but she doesn't participate in any of this discussion.
Howard asked if Ruth if she would like to see Iran be nuked. Ruth said she would like to see that man (Mahmoud Ahmadinejad) come to his senses. She also thinks that he doesn't deserve a platform.
Howard asked Ruth what she thinks about him using condoms with his wife. He said he gets so much hassle from people when he admits it. Ruth said she applauds him for being responsible. She said that he should use a condom if he doesn't want kids. Ruth said that a woman should place the condom on as part of foreplay. Howard said he whips the thing on just so he can get it on him.
Howard asked if she was ever against anal sex if they're both into it. Ruth said she was not against it. Howard said Ronnie the Limo Driver talks about how he enjoys when a woman puts her tongue in his behind and he does the same to the woman. Howard said he thinks it's gross. Ruth said if they both like it then it's fine. Ruth said if they're both into it then it's fine. Ruth said you can do with your wife what you please as long as it's not against her wishes.
Howard brought up Arnold Schwarzenegger again and asked about him being on 60 Minutes and smiling as he talked about cheating on his wife. Ruth didn't seem like she wanted to get into that too much.
Howard gave Ruth some plugs for her web sites and Twitter account. He said you can find out more about the wine at ChateauD.com. You can check out Dr. Ruth at DrRuth.com and her twitter account at @AskDrRuth.
Howard asked Dr. Ruth if she's a hoarder because he heard her apartment was filled with crap. Ruth said she is not a hoarder. She said that she has a lot of turtles in her home but they are not real turtles. They are collectible items.
Howard asked if she has any kids. Ruth said of course she does. She said he should know about this. Howard said he was sorry he didn't know. Ruth told Howard about her kids and what they're up to.
Howard asked Ruth if she was afraid to send her kids out into the world after all she went through. She said she was worried but not afraid. Howard asked if she told the kids about the holocaust. She said they wondered why they didn't have a grandmother and that's when she told them what happened.
Howard asked Ruth if she ever punished her husband by taking sex away. She said she wouldn't do that. Howard gave Ruth some more plugs for her stuff. Ruth also told Robin that she is not dead. Robin kind of said that earlier in the show when they mentioned she was coming in.
Howard had a caller on the line who wanted to speak French to Ruth. Howard picked up and it was Sal and/or Richard calling in with Leon Spinks audio clips. Howard gave her some more plugs and Ruth told him that he is the only man that she's willing to get up at 6 in the morning for. Howard thanked her for that. He said they will go to dinner sometime and she will give him a hand job because she has said that it's not cheating. She said she has never said that. She said goodbye so Howard wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and listened to the song for a short time. Howard said he had to sing along because Billy needed some help. Howard said his voice still sounds good. Robin said it's beautiful. Howard said that new album he put out was phenomenal. Howard said it's not so new now but he thought it was phenomenal.
Howard asked if they have a channel there that plays just new music. Not pop songs but like progressive songs. Robin said there is an alternative station. Howard asked if they play the new Billy Corgan on Alt Nation. Robin said she would hope so.
Robin said when you hear songs like that and the pop songs that are on radio now it's such a big difference. Howard said that Demi Lovato has that song where she sings ''like a skyscrape-her.'' Robin talked about Demi and Britney Spears judging and how weird it is. Howard said he thinks that Britney had to be reigned in. He said he heard she hardly says anything in the pre-taped shows.
Howard said he thinks that his judging credentials are better than anyone's. He said he has had so much experience in radio and he's had two best selling books and the fastest selling movie soundtrack album in history. He said that he has the credentials. Robin said he has actually entertained people too. Howard said he thinks that he should be the only judge on TV. He said no one will listen to him about that though.
Howard played some of Demi Lovato's song that he was talking about earlier. Fred threw in some Sour Shoes ''Ooo'' clips while the song was playing. Robin said you get the great lyrics in the Smashing Pumpkins and Green Day songs but then you get this.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if he could wish her luck because she's going to dental school. Howard had trouble understanding her. She asked Howard to wish her luck because she's going to school to become a dental assistant. Howard said they work really hard. He said he has someone at his dentist office who is great. Howard said that job can be kind of gross. He said he used to squeeze his dad's blackheads and he thinks that he might enjoy doing something like that job. Howard said he might have the good feeling he would get when he'd pull his dad's blackheads out.
The caller said she has a secret job on the side. She said she's a dominatrix. Howard asked if she's good looking. She said she thinks she is. The caller, Chloe, said she is friends with Steve Brandano on Facebook so they can look her up. Howard said that she should just stick to that job instead of doing the dental thing. Chloe said that she has to deal with really slimy Wall Street guys so she's not that into it. She said they want to be treated terribly by her and they want to pretend that she's their little sister.
Howard asked what she calls the guys to get them off. She said she calls them terrible things like slut and whore and maybe cum eater. Howard wondered what's wrong with them. She said a lot of that stuff stems from their childhood.
Howard asked if she touches the guys. She said she doesn't. She said they will beat off if she lets them. Howard asked if she's even topless. She said she's not. She said they don't get to see anything. She said she wears a corset and a skirt with stripper heels. Howard told her to call him a whore. She did that and Howard said he doesn't like that. Howard said he wants someone to touch him and love him. Chloe said that some guys don't want that. She said they want to be treated terribly. Howard asked if she has a boyfriend. Chloe said she does. Howard asked if she has ever put her fist in a guy's ass. She said no but then said she actually did that once. Howard asked if she got doody on her hand. She said she had gloves on up to her elbows.
Howard asked how you do that. She said you put one finger in at a time and then curl your fist. She said she's pretty small. Howard asked if the guy came. She said he did. She said he came immediately. Howard asked if there was doody on the glove. Chloe said there wasn't because the guy does colonics and stuff. Howard asked if the room smelled bad. She said that sometimes the room will stink when she's spanking the guys. She said it's disgusting.
Howard got a picture of Chloe and said she looks 16. She's actually 24. Howard said that must be why guys pay her. He said she looks like a kid and she's pretty. Howard said she will never be a dental assistant. She said she will. She said she is over that career. Howard asked if it's satisfying when you pull shit out of people's teeth. She said it is like Howard described. Chloe said there are people who go to the clinic she works in who have like 3 teeth. She said that they drink soda and don't brush.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like this woman is making stuff up because she's kind of hesitating with her answers. Chloe said that's fine but then went into more detail about the stuff she does to the guys she's dominating. She told Howard what the names for some of the things are and how she does them. Howard asked if she ever ties guys up and does the stuff to them. She said she has done that. She said that some guys don't want her to do stuff to them but she'll tie them up and do it.
Howard asked what the weirdest thing is she ever did. Chloe said that it wasn't the fisting. She said this guy came to her dressed in a chicken suit and he came with boiled eggs and then sat on them so they'd go up his asshole. She said he wanted to be made fun of for that. Howard said that is pretty weird. Chloe said the guy wanted to be like a chicken. Chloe said one guy had a tooth fetish and if she knew what she knows now she could have done some stuff. She said he wanted her to pull out his teeth for him. She said he had some novocain and tools. She said she tried to pull them out but she wasn't able to do it. She said that one of the other girls heard that he went to the meat packing district and hired hookers to let him pull their teeth out.
Howard asked if she ever gets wet during one of these sessions. Chloe said no. Chloe said these guys all keep this stuff secret too. She said she is pretty vanilla herself. Howard said she might be but she's in a pretty dark world.
Howard let Chloe go a short time later. Howard said that if he was single and on Facebook he'd be banging all of the girls he has as friends. He said he thinks that Brandano just wants to get his teeth cleaned. Howard asked if he's trying to get her. Howard said he doesn't even need an answer. He said he knows he is. Steve said he wasn't friends with her until just now. He said he didn't know her before today. Howard said that Steve has to learn how to work that world like JD knows. Steve said it sounds like it's a bit much for him. He doesn't think that he's going to get into the dominatrix thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the call Howard took and talked about how weird those guys sound. He said it's no wonder Wall Street is so fucked up. The caller said he bets that Sal has done that kind of thing. Howard said he probably has because Sal is always talking about doing weird shit to women.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he liked Chloe and she should call in weekly with stories to tell. Howard said if she has good stories to tell that's fine with him.
Howard said Sal was a Wall Street guy for a long time and he's sure he was up to a lot of nonsense. Howard said even that song he wrote about pissing on a girl and liking it. He said he would never think about that himself. Howard played the song which was to the tune of ''I Kissed A Girl.'' Howard said Sal isn't kidding with that stuff. Howard said that's some mind he has. Howard said Sal will claim he's just being funny but you know he's not. He said he's a father of three boys too. Robin said she's sure Sal's mother didn't raise him like that.
Howard said Taylor Swift was on a show not talking about the Kennedy kid she's dating. Howard played a clip where the interviewer was trying to ask Taylor about dating Conner Kennedy and Taylor was acting like it was a surprise that they knew. Howard said he doesn't like these kid celebrities. Howard said they're so weird because they're imitating the older celebrities who try to hide their relationships. Howard played more of the Taylor Swift audio and talked more about her.
Howard played some audio of what was supposed to be JFK calling Marilyn Monroe. It was Fred as Kennedy and Debbie the Pet Lady as Marilyn.
Howard also had a new bit with a Morgan Freeman imitator saying terms from the Howard Stern Show. They had him saying many of the very popular audio drops from the show. Howard said it was pretty cool hearing Morgan Freeman reading those. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard said 50 years ago today Johnny Carson debuted and his first guest was Groucho Marx. Robin said she wishes that Gilbert was there right now to do his Groucho impression.
Howard said he had a picture of a sex bar where women can masturbate. Howard said it's in Tokyo and no men are allowed in unless they bring women with them. Howard said this is for guys of course.
Howard said he was wondering what they pay that Honey Boo Boo chick. Howard said the whole nature of the show would change if they paid her well. Robin said they'd be like the Beverly Hill Billies. Howard said that they gave her a boost of $15,000 per episode. Howard said JD was pissed because he's inarticulate too.
Howard said Ronnie's facial hair reminds him of hair he's seen from the Grover Cleveland administration. Howard said he looks like something from 1880. Ronnie came in asking what their problem is. Howard said his hair style is from another era. That's all he's saying. Ronnie said ''good for you...'' and walked out.
Howard read about a woman in Michigan who recently won a million dollars in a lottery and then died. Robin said it was a drug overdose. Howard said he thought she just had worse luck than Scott the Engineer. Howard said some people can't handle money. Howard said he had no idea. He said that's some kicker.
Howard said the debates are coming up soon and he think that Obama should just show the tape of Osama bin Laden getting killed on a screen behind him.
Robin said she was reading about a college professor who stripped down naked in class and started screaming that no one knows how to do anything right. Robin said that would be a great class to be in. Howard said he might have a weapon on him though. Robin said he was naked so you could see he didn't have one.
Howard said that Danny Bonaduce had a fan take a bite out of his face. Howard said he thinks it might be because he looks like a carrot. Howard said he heard that Danny thanked the listener because she taught him to be more careful. Howard said he has to look into the story more. He said they had a picture of him with the bite up in the studio.
Howard said he was checking out Benjy and Elisa's half naked picture. He said Benjy has nice tits.
Robin read a story about how the post office is in trouble and something has to be done. Howard said he loves getting mail on Saturday and he doesn't want the days to be reduced. Robin said that they failed to make a payment into a fund that will pay for future retirement funds. Robin said that they are on the verge of bankruptcy. Robin said it has to happen and they have to cut down on the number of days a week they deliver. Howard said he can't wait for his mail. He said he likes getting it on the weekends.
Gary said he ordered something from Amazon on a Sunday night and it was delivered on Monday afternoon. He said that came in the regular mail. Howard said in other parts of the world people can't even get their mail reliably. Howard said that if we lose the mail system then it's like we've been defeated. Gary said they say it would cost more to privatize it. He said they say it's the cost of the retirement benefits that costs a lot. Gary said he gets paid through the mail. He said the paycheck comes in the mail. He said he doesn't want to wait. Robin said he could get it Monday-Thursday. Gary said he doesn't want to wait. Robin said he could have electronic transfer. Gary said they don't have that with their agent. Howard said we have the greatest mail system in the world. He said we can't lose it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie looks like Colonel Muster from the game Clue. Howard said he doesn't know that game very well. Howard said he thinks that he looks like Yosemite Sam. Howard said he might look like Wyatt Earp or something like that.
Robin read a story about a top Iranian official defecting to the United States while he was visiting New York last week. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the upcoming presidential debates. Robin had some audio of Mitt Romney talking about the upcoming election too. That led to Howard and Robin talking about Romney and Obama for a short time. Robin had some other stories about the upcoming debates and election that she read through too.
Robin read a story about a guy who did a count of how many times candidates blink during debates and what that means. That led to Howard and Fred goofing on Gary again. They were talking about how Gary could talk about a thing called ''blinkos'' (like Sonos) that could count the number of blinks. Howard said he might be wrong for trying to help Gary out with his show. He said he might like it better being as bad as it is. Howard played some of Gary's show slowed down and said that might be the way it should be. He also played the sped up version of the show. Howard asked where the full version of Gary's ''They Call Me Baba Booey'' Nerdist show is. JD told him where it was so Howard played some of the show and goofed on Gary about the way he was talking about something. Gary went off on him for goofing on it after just a second. Howard said he's just trying to have fun and Gary is giving him a hard time. Howard said it's not fun when Gary interrupts. Gary said this isn't fun for him either.
Howard was doing his impression of Gary talking about this TiVo unit that records 4 channels at once and something about it coming from ''humble origins.'' Howard was goofing on that and rambling on and on like he thinks Gary does. Howard said his show would be a lot funnier if he was dressed in a chicken outfit shoving eggs up his ass.
Howard said he heard a lot of guys on Wall Street like to put Gary's show on while they're with their dominatrix as a form of torture. Howard said Gary loves hearing his show and he can see him gazing off while he's playing the clip. Gary said he's just a liar now. He said he's not doing that. Howard said Gary is aware of it now so he won't do it again.
Robin got back to her news and said that people are saying that TV is horrible for kids. Howard and Fred got back into their Gary impressions and did more Sonos talk about a device that they could come out with that's called ''NoMos'' that doesn't let kids watch TV. Howard said Gary is bringing Jon Hein on his show to make it better but they'll probably fire Gary and hire Jon to do it.
Robin said they say that TV being on can cause problems with your kids. Howard was still goofing on Gary about his Nerdist show. Gary told Howard to go fuck himself at one point so Fred came up with a new Sonos system called ''GoFuckos.'' Robin had some audio of an expert talking about why TV is bad for kids. Howard went into a live commercial after that.
Howard came back from the live commercial and read an email he got from someone who said they were wrong about Shuli when he wrote in last. He said he was just goofing and he actually likes Shuli. Howard went through some other email and one guy said that Benjy and his girlfriend are attention whores. Howard said this one person was asking why Elisa can't see the tub of lard hanging off of Benjy. Howard said Benjy put a lot of work in to get that girl. He said that Benjy should write a book and put that naked picture of them on the cover.
Howard read some email about Chelsea Handler's interview. Howard said he got one positive email and the rest were negative. Howard said he thought she was great. Howard said someone said that they should get this cunt out of the studio. Someone threatened to cancel their subscription if she was in again. Howard said he will have her back. Howard said he hopes she does come back. He said no one talks about stuff the way she does anymore.
Howard read some email about Debbie the Pet Lady and also about Ronnie the Limo Driver. Someone wrote about how Ronnie should stop laughing at Jon Leiberman the way he does because it makes him look more pathetic. Howard read about how this guy is going to turn the radio off when Ronnie comes in from now on.
Howard read some mail about his America's Got Talent position and how he should stop doing that one and do another show. Howard said no one else was asking for him. He said AGT is the show that wanted him. Howard said he won't take that into consideration when he makes his decision. He said he likes America's Got Talent.
Robin said Howard talks about his TiVo thinking that he's a woman but her TiVo thinks that she's a child. She said that it's always picking out child-like shows to record for her.
Robin read about Linda McMahon running for office again. Howard said she should stop it already. Robin said she seems to be doing well. Robin said Senator John McCain went up to Connecticut to campaign for her. Gary said that he heard that she spent like $120 million to be senator. Howard said it sounds like she really wants to be in control. Gary said he's amazed that they have that much money to spend on that. Howard said Vince knows his shit if he can spend that kind of money.
Robin read a story about a shooting at a gun shop. Robin said that this guy came to the shop saying he wanted to rent a gun and he went to their shooting range and he open fired in the shop so the shop owner pulled a gun and shot that guy.
Robin said there's a guy who survived the Colorado movie theater shooting and he's in an ad against gun violence. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said he doesn't think that they'll be able to stop the guns because the gun lobby is so strong. Howard said he thinks he should be allowed to own a gun along with the police but no one else.
Robin said that the 15 Foundation still wants to support the partners they have. Robin said she has a charity auction going on CharityBuzz.com right now. She said that you can search them out over there.
Robin read about how Mark Sanchez is working for the Jets so they're saying that he's the man. They don't want to replace him right now. Robin said they can't go through a whole season the way they are.
Robin read some news about Bernie Madoff where they say that he may have been ripping people off longer than they thought. Robin said that it may have begun back in the 1970s and not 1992 like they thought.
Robin read a story about how the weather channel going to start naming blizzards. Howard said that's just what he wants to remember. Fred played the ''Baba Booey'' clip a few times as a suggestion for a blizzard name. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Scott DePace said that Will is kind of boring these days. He said he can't even get him to drink on the golf course anymore.
Jon asked the guys what they think about the Wolfie interviews and the way people act at games. The guys were talking about their team loyalties and how they won't change. JD said he's never going to be a fan of the New York teams, ever. Scott said 20 years ago it was easier to be a local fan than it is today. He said these days you can follow every game in so many ways.
Gary said if you move and change teams then you're really not a fan. He said that's not the definition of a fan. Gary said that football was the easy one to chance loyalty on. Benjy said that someone in there said they switched when they were young. Jon pointed out that Benjy is a fan of Penn State since he went there. Benjy said he wasn't really into the sport of it but more the history around it.
Gary said when you're a fan of a team you always say ''we'' but it's not referring to the team. You're referring to the ''we'' that's the group of fans. Will said he never says ''we.'' He said he thinks it's idiotic. Benjy said he hates when guys say ''we're pregnant.''
Gary asked what the guys think about wearing sports jerseys with player names on them. Will said he's done it. Scott said it's weird. Gary said he has a jersey with his own name on the back. Benjy said it seems kind of strange. He said that he's a fan of Lenny Bruce but he's not going to wear a Lenny Bruce shirt. Scott said he doesn't want to put someone else's shirt on. Gary said that they're just showing that they appreciate someone on a team. Scott said it's really gay to get a shirt with your own name on it. He said that's like wanting to be on a team and not being able to get on it.
Jon said he thinks when you wear a jersey you don't think that you're that player but you're showing respect to that team. Will said it is showing respect to the guy. Gary said it's a complete waste of money to buy any Jersey. Gary said he has Fatheads up on the wall too. He said he had some up that he had to tear down because the guys changed teams. He said no one stays on the same team anymore.
Gary said there's a guy in his town who sells sports stuff and every year he has to sell off the shirts and stuff that have player names on them because they guys have left their teams.
Gary said he and Jon went to a Dodgers game out in California and he was wearing a Mets shirt. He said Jon reminded him that a guy was almost beaten to death in the parking lot there. Gary said he felt okay after getting there though. He said that the Mets and Dodgers seem to have a thing and they're okay.
Gary said they had a Real Sports thing where they were showing how you can't go to a game anymore because of the fighting that goes on.
Jon asked JD if he thinks he could take Howard on in a fight. JD said he's not sure about that. JD said he hasn't been in a fight in a long time. He said he hasn't been in one in a really long time. JD said he doesn't want to fight anyone. He is afraid of fighting.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's very hard to get Howard to understand what real men are doing when they watch sports. Gary said that he and his dad watched sports a lot and Howard really didn't do that. Scott said that Howard did say that it sounds horrible hanging out with guys and drinking beer watching sports. He said he really doesn't get it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wears a jersey for his team and he also says ''we won the game'' and things like that. He said that they would go to games and end up getting into fights and stuff. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked who they like between Howard and Sal. The guys were all picking Howard. Will said he thinks the best fight would be between Fred and DePace. Gary said he thinks Fred would go all out. He said Scott would fight but Fred would go all out. Gary said they should do some MMA fighting there and have the guys in the speedo getting into that 69 position.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about the dominatrix and if Jon and Gary had everyone anything like that. Gary said that's one thing that he doesn't understand. He said that he doesn't feel bad about what a dick he is to get that done. Gary said he doesn't get it at all. Jon said he gets it but he has never done it. Jon asked JD if he's ever done it. JD said he hasn't done it because he gets humiliated enough in his life as it is.
Gary asked Benjy if he's ever tried it. Benjy said he has played around with it in the bedroom but that's the extent of it. Gary asked if they think anyone else there has been to one. Sal's name came up so Jon said he wanted to get him in there to talk about it. Will said it's always the guy you never think would do it so it's like the Jon Hein's of the world that you never expect.
Scott was saying he doesn't believe what the girl was saying about the Wall Street guys. Will said she was saying that they are guys in power who have a lot of money and can afford to pay $500 an hour. Scott said that's Howard's profile too.
Scott said the guys who like to get kicked in the nuts are crazy. Gary said that's like that guy Horse from AGT.
Sal came in so Jon asked if he has ever done that Dominatrix thing. Sal said he has never done it but a ''friend'' has. He said his friend thought that it was a massage. Sal said the guy got there and there were whips on the wall. He said the girl told his friend to get on the bed and he got on the bed and got on his stomach. He said the girl pulled out a vibrator and said she was going to do ass play. Sal said the friend said that he wasn't there for that and he was there for a hand job. He said the thing went in about 1/4 of an inch and he was out of there. Sal said he knows they all think it's him but it's really not. He said it was actually a friend.
Sal said he thinks that his friend dialed the wrong number. He said his friend never went back to that place again. Never again. Jon said it sounds like that friend will never forget it. Sal said he never will.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has done stuff like that and it's not so bad. He said he's 6'6'' tall and 400 pounds and it's not so bad. He said he's not into the balls getting stepped on or anything like that. He said one girl in New York liked to call him names. Gary asked what else they do. The caller said that you just do what the woman tells you to do. Benjy asked if it's sexual at all. The guy said it can be but much of it is psychological.
Steve Brandano said he asked Ronnie if he has ever done that and he said he wouldn't admit to doing it. Jon said they'll go to break and see if they can get Ronnie in there to talk about it. Benjy said maybe Ronnie has a ''friend'' who has done it. They went to break after that.
Ronnie said that he noticed that Sal had something on his head. Sal did use some of that black powder stuff in his hair. Sal said it's by Bumble and Bumble and it does have chemicals in it. Gary said he has no idea what chemicals are in them. Sal said he picks and chooses.
Sal said he's just using a little hair powder instead of the other chemicals. He said the powder just fills it up a little bit. Shuli asked if they were to pat his head would a cloud of dust come up. Sal said you put it on after your shower.
Ronnie was laughing and pointed out that Jon Leiberman just came in and his forehead is all scratched up. Ronnie said it's all because of him. Leiberman said he just scratched it on his way down there. He said he wasn't scratching it because of Ronnie. Shuli said they call it the Ronnie Rash.
Leiberman said that the hair powder Sal uses is the same stuff they used on Ronnie. Ronnie said that's fine but he admits that he uses it. Gary said that Sal doesn't admit to it until he's caught doing something. Sal said that's probably true.
Jon asked Sal about the Wall Street guys that Chloe was talking about. Sal said that he has seen some crazy stuff. He said he saw a guy jack off all over a guy on a plane on his way down to Atlantic City. He said he didn't see it happen himself but he heard the story. Sal said that wasn't a ''friend'' who was part of it.
Sal said there was a pizza place in the Wall Street area and they had a strip club in the back of the pizza place. He said they would bring in girls from other countries and the kitchen was full of girls who gave $2 lap dances. Sal said you could stay there until 2 in the morning with $100 and still come home with money in your pocket.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it's bullshit that Robin gives Gary crap about his Nerdist show when she screws up her news stories all the time. Gary said Robin has done news segments and read off a teleprompter and she sounded different too. Gary said he found that funny too.
Jon said he thinks that they were just having fun goofing on Gary at his expense. He said the snowball has grown and it's going to get bigger. Gary said it's all good but he's going to respond. He said he gets yelled at for responding when they ask him a question.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Sal is a pervert and he wonders why he doesn't just whip out his cock and jerk off there. Sal said he did get caught. Sal said he was there after hours and he thought he had the door locked. He said he turned his head and some techs were coming in to fix his board. Sal said he dived under his desk and he was so embarrassed. Shuli said he heard that Sal hunched over to cover up and said that he was so scared. Gary said he can't believe that he has the comfort to do it there. Sal said that anywhere but home where your wife will catch you is comfortable.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked where the line is for someone dying on the show to not do a show. Gary said that he isn't sure. Jon asked Sal where he thinks he'd draw the line. Sal said it would be the ''Fab 5'' or the ''Fab 4'' now that Artie is gone. That's Robin, Howard, Benjy, Fred and Gary. Sal said he doesn't think Howard would stop the show for him. He said if anyone in the office other than Jason died then he wouldn't take off. He said if Jason died he thinks Howard would take off. Will is 50/50 and so is Jon Hein. Ronnie said he knows Howard wouldn't be there for him if he died. Gary said he thinks he would. Gary said you can still go to a funeral in the afternoon. They had to end the show after that. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show taking a call from a guy who brought up George Martin and how the Beatles wouldn't have been what they were without him. Howard said maybe not but he's not part of the band. Howard said John Lennon would have had a problem with what George Martin claims he did for the band. Howard said his problem is that George is trying too hard to take too much credit. Howard said he didn't write the songs. He helped to arrange them. Howard said the band isn't giving George Martin the credit that George Martin gives himself.
Howard said this reminds him of what people have done with him over the years. He said that they worked with him and now claim that they helped him along the way. Howard said there are people he just met along the way and they think he owes them something. Howard said if George Martin is so great then why doesn't his start his own band and make it big. The caller said he did start a band called Jerry and the Pacemakers. Howard said he's heard of so many low level record company guys who want to jump on the bandwagon and take credit for other people's work. Howard said if John Lennon was alive we wouldn't even hear from George Martin. Howard said George was part of the mix like his program directors are part of the mix.
Howard said if George Martin was so great then he could have done this with some other band. Howard said there are program directors who take credit for what he's done and they were just there like George Martin was just there.
Howard said George may have had some ability but the Beatles were going to do just fine without him. Howard asked if he produced Paul McCartney's first album. The caller, Rich, said he didn't. Howard said that was a great album and he did it without George Martin.
Rich said Howard has to hear the new Wallflowers album. Howard asked if it's good. Rich gave him a ''Mehhh''' and said he won't give an opinion. Howard said that ''Mehhh'' didn't sound too positive. Howard said maybe they should have produced it with George Martin.
Howard said when he passes away there are going to be like 50 guys who will claim they helped with his career. He said they didn't help so don't believe them.
Howard said George Martin is rewriting history. He said the guy should shut up. He said Ringo and Paul should talk about how George was involved. Howard said you never hear Paul carrying on about the guy. Rich said that McCartney was breaking away from the other guys at the time so that's why he won't talk about that guy. Howard said maybe Paul was sick and tired of some guy taking credit for something he didn't deserve credit for. Howard said if George was so involved then Paul should be giving him credit.
Howard said John Lennon did all of the work on Imagine. He said anyone could have helped make that song a hit. He said John did all of the hard work. Howard said there are guys who will come out the woodwork when he's gone and they'll claim that they helped him. Howard said there will be guys who just pulled records for him who claim they helped.
Howard said John Lennon isn't around to defend himself now. He said this is all bullshit. Gary came in with an article from Rolling Stone where John Lennon talked about George Martin. In the article John said that George would translate ideas for the songs. Howard read that George developed a language for them to talk to other musicians. Howard said that George Martin was trained in music while the Beatles weren't. He said that they would ask him to translate a chart for the professional musicians. Howard said he was like a fucking secretary.
Howard said you can't let people rewrite history. He said this guy didn't do what he claims he did. Howard said there are people who got in his way on his way up and they will claim they helped his career. Howard said he did it himself. Howard said that the general managers were clueless and the program directors didn't do anything he help.
Rich was still talking about what George Martin did with certain songs. Howard said that he just read John Lennon's words about what George did. Howard asked what he does for a living. Rich said he's been listening. Howard cut him off, hung up, and said that guy always annoys him. Howard said guys like that buy what George Martin is saying. Howard said the guy is full of shit.
Howard said the Beatles made such great music. Howard said a band like that doesn't come around often. Howard said the defining album of all time is Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. Howard said it was a game changer. He said you can argue that it was Elvis or something but he just interpreted songs black people did. Howard said the game changer was that Beatles album. Howard said it rocked the public's world and other recording artist's worlds too. Howard said the bands out there realized what they could do. He said George Martin sat there and listened in. Robin said what he did was go ''Oh wow!''
Howard said John Lennon gave people credit in his career but he doesn't see anyone giving George Martin credit for what he claims he did. Howard said he wasn't one of the Beatles like he seems to be claiming he was. Howard said the guy is embellishing. He said it's enough on this topic already.
Howard said the guys from The Counting Crows will be coming in soon and they're going to do a medley of songs from the album Abbey Road.
Howard said he was talking to Dr. Ruth yesterday and mentioned Dr. Drew. Dr. Ruth claimed she didn't know who he was. Howard said Drew was listening to the show and said that Ruth was on his show 3 weeks ago. Howard said maybe she just didn't want to comment on him.
Howard said Ruth is 84 years old and she's had such sadness in her life. Howard said Ruth was sent off to a school that became and orphanage in Switzerland. Howard said she's had it pretty rough.
Howard said he puts up walls himself and you can see that Ruth has done that too. Robin said she puts up walls against things that can really hurt. Howard said he knows that. He said it must be tough to confront that pain she has. Robin said she could spend her whole life on that. Howard said she must miss out on a lot in life though. Robin said she may have gained a lot from not dwelling on it. Robin said Ruth went on and got married, had kids and had several careers. Howard said a lot of people miss out on a lot because of those defenses we put up. Robin said that Ruth claims that she had some affairs. She said she's not sure what kind of affairs she had though. Howard said she's a great lady and he's glad he had her on. He said she inspires in a lot of ways.
Howard said he's wrestling with the idea of going back to America's Got Talent. Howard said he was reading about American Idol and the fighting going on between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey. Howard said Mariah apparently interrupted Nicki and Nicki claimed she was going to beat the shit out of Mariah. Howard said it kind of smells of a publicity stunt. He said he's wondering if FOX will keep that stuff in the show or not. Howard said reality is more interesting than bullshit. He said sometimes he doesn't understand these shows. He said he thinks that if he had someone tough to deal with on AGT that they'd leave in the warts and all.
Howard said he got along with Howie and Sharon but he'd hope that they'd leave stuff in if they were arguing all the time.
Howard said he invited Sharon and Howie to his apartment to judge the debates together. He said no one returned his call. Howard said that's how much he misses judging.
Howard said Wolfie went out and interviewed a bunch of people and they were solid gold. Howard played another clip where a guy who sounded drunk was telling Wolfie about his favorite racer and why there aren't many black fans. The guy claimed that if there were black fans they would run the white fans away from the races. The guy said that if there were too many there they'd ruin it. He told Wolfie that not being smart he gets offended easily. Robin said that guy was very honest.
Howard said he has more interviews. He played another one where a guy talked about drinking 30 drinks at the race. He said they were actually Bloody Mary's made Baltimore style. Wolfie asked what kind of food they should give away at the races if they wanted to bring more blacks there. The guy said that's an easy one and said that it's chicken and watermelon. Wolfie said if black guys showed up he'd tell them to get the fuck out of there and he wouldn't be the only one.
Howard asked what a Bloody Mary made Baltimore style is. Robin said she has no idea. She said that was a meeting she wasn't called to.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie asking a guy about the races. He had a funny voice so Howard was laughing right away. That guy was also saying that he wouldn't go to the races if there were more black people at the races. He said that the black people are getting out of control because Obama is in office.
Howard said that guy is from Upstate New York. He said that he went up there to find chicks when he was in Boston University. Howard said that was like finding a needle in a haystack. Howard said his whole life is so pathetic. Howard said they figured they could find chicks up there in Buffalo. Howard said he should have known it wasn't going to work out. He said he could have just based that upon what was going on in Boston. Howard said he never got laid in College. Howard said he had all of these plans and nothing worked. He said he was just a loser.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted more NASCAR stuff. Robin said she's learning a lot. Howard played another interview where Wolfie asked about why there aren't many black fans. The guy said that there's no fried chicken. Howard said white people eat chicken too so he's not sure why that's still the thing. Howard played more of the interview and the guy was talking about how he had 6 Bloody Mary's. Howard said Jackie used to drink them too. Wolfie asked the guy if he likes when the crashes occur. The guy said he does. The guy also told Wolfie about a guy who got so excited in the stands that he stood up and just pissed.
Howard asked Gary when they're going to check the phones because he can see that there's a problem. Gary said they've been resetting it for the past 15 minutes. He said the first call worked. Gary said they're the only ones with this system there. Howard said maybe they should look into getting the other phone system that the rest of Sirius is using. Gary said this system is from France. Howard said it's no wonder it doesn't work. Howard talked to Fred as the guy from France who created the system. Fred did his French guy voice and said maybe they'll fix it today.
Howard asked where the other product was from and why it wouldn't work. Gary said they have a lot of lines they want to use and the other software wouldn't work. Gary said that they're saying that the software can get screwed up from a bad phone line. Gary said they have 24 lines coming into this system. Gary said the guy to ask about this is on the phone with the phone company right now. Howard said he'd like something that works the phones that isn't from France. Howard said he doesn't understand why the product crashes when a bad line comes in. Fred as the French guy was blaming America for the problem.
Howard said he has more NASCAR guys. He played another clip where a guy said that they would kill Muslims if they came to NASCAR races. The guy said he wouldn't be near those guys if they were at the races. He had some names for the Muslims that he gave to Wolfie.
Howard said he has one more. In this one the guy gets emotional about Dale Earhardt. Howard said that guy is like god to some of these guys. In the clip Wolfie asked the guy about how Earnhardt's death affected him. The guy said it was the second saddest day in his life. He was telling Wolfie about how he felt that day and started breaking down as he told Wolfie about that day. Howard said this racing is serious shit. Howard said he bets that Ronnie would break down too. Robin told him to get him in there. Howard said he didn't want to get into that with Ronnie.
Howard read about Adele writing a new song for a James Bond movie and they leaked the song. Howard said he thinks that it was leaked on purpose. Howard said the only thing that leaks accidentally is Tim Sabean's ass on the wall in the bathroom.
Howard said he thinks that Ronnie's beard and moustache makes him look like Colonel Sanders. He said that's what he was trying to come up with yesterday.
Howard said Latinos are upset that the Kennedy Center Honors have snubbed the Latinos. Howard read about that and how the GAYVN awards aren't ignoring them.
Howard said that Carol Miller will be in today. He said they'll talk about her new book. Howard said that Dr. Ruth was in yesterday and she can speak better English than JD can.
Robin said she had a dream where Howard was speaking French. Howard wondered why kids these days don't just take Spanish language classes. He said that's the one that makes the most sense. Howard said that French isn't a good one to learn. Howard said you can go to more places and speak Spanish than you can with French. Howard said speaking the language is like having a super power. Howard said he'd love to be able to understand what Spanish speaking people are saying behind his back.
Howard said one of his daughters is fluent in Spanish. Howard said it's such a turn on to ask her to speak to someone in Spanish. Howard said it's so fantastic. Howard said she can do it and they just speak the language together. Howard said she lived in Chile for a semester. Howard said she came back and she was able to speak the language so well. Howard said it was amazing. Howard said she's the first Stern to have any brains. Howard said if he went to Chile for 5 years he still wouldn't be able to speak the language. Howard said he loves that his daughter can do it.
Howard read a story about Britney Spears and how she has her internet restricted. Howard said her people think that she'll have a nervous breakdown if she goes out and reads negative things about herself. Robin said she read that LeAnn Rimes had a breakdown because of things that were on Twitter. Howard said he loves broken women like that. Howard said it doesn't show much strength to lose it over Twitter.
Howard said today is the day that new comic books come out. Howard said he's surprised that they'd have the debates on a day like that. Howard said no one cares about the nerd vote.
Howard said they say that George Clooney is done with Stacy Keibler. Howard said his relationships last about a year and he's done. Howard said Stacy is so hot though. He said he met her at a party and she's really hot. Howard said High Pitch Eric brushes his teeth about once a year around the time that George Clooney is changing women. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said without George Martin we wouldn't have that song they were listening to. Howard said he really doesn't know anything about George Martin or the Beatles. He said this is just his opinion. Howard said he thinks on this one he plugged in the keyboard. Howard said if he was that important to them then maybe they would have made him part of the band.
Howard said that Big Foot Jr. (Jay Tesoro @jaytesoro) from Vermont has been sitting in. Howard said that Big Foot is suing the state of Vermont. Big Foot said he can't work because he's fucking retarded. He said he has to sue them over that.
Howard said his phone system is up and running now. Howard said he asks what's wrong with it every time and they always say that it's the phone line. Then 5 minutes later they blame the software. Gary said he has Evan there to tell him what the problem is.
Howard said they do a show 3 days a week. He said the phones have to work for 3 days a week. He asked how it can be that the phones don't work for them but they work for everyone else there. Howard asked if Alex Bennett loses his phone lines. Tim Sabean said that the system they use is a much more sophisticated system than what they use on other shows. Howard said that's not his problem. He said he should fix it or fire someone. Gary said he agrees with him on that but he may not get what he wants. Howard said he wants the best system out there that can work 3 days a week. Gary was laughing so Howard told him to get off the mic and quiet down.
Howard said Gary put out another show. He said he should quit that show and work on the phone lines. Gary said he doesn't see the correlation there. Gary said he has been on fire all morning. Howard said he wishes he was literally on fire right now. Howard said someone has to rescue him from this place. He said his agent convinced him to do another 5 years. He said he wanted to do 3 but he convinced him to do 5. Howard said he wants out.
Howard said they only work 3 days a week and the should come up with a solution instead of just patching the phones for a period of time. Gary said they are going to switch the phone system. Robin asked when that's going to happen. Gary said when she shuts up. Robin said she's not yelling at him. She's just wondering when they will get it done since they don't have the time. Gary said they have plenty of time to do it.
Howard asked Big Foot Jr. if he ever feels like he's in an insane asylum. Big Foot said that he found an iPhone 5 in a cab and it said Tim Sabean on it.
Howard played more of Gary's clip and Gary was talking about the book ''I Want My MTV...'' Howard said he knows what annoys him about Gary. He said he talks so much. He said that Gary was on fire on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said he cuts everyone off on that show. Howard said he's never met anyone with more opinions. Howard said he has all of that stuff bottled up in him.
Howard said he's glad that Gary will be starting his new delivery next week. He said Howard 100 News was at a recent taping and he thinks that this is his new delivery. Howard played a clip where Gary was talking about audio books and the reactions he gets from people. Howard said he doesn't think there's a difference. Robin said he's talking about something that they talk about there. Gary said it's a full piece. He was about to argue but then he just told them to throw their computers in the garbage.
Howard played more of Gary doing his thing. Gary said they do three takes and then they take the best of the three and edit it.
Howard asked Big Foot what he thinks of this. Big Foot said he liked it better when Gary was in a beaver outfit doing this stuff.
Howard said Riley Martin was having trouble saying ''Montana'' the other night on his show. Howard played that clip and he called it ''Montanada.''
Howard said he was getting the acting bug again. He said he was offered a script and it was kind of impressive. He said he'd be co-starring with an Academy Award winning actor. Robin asked if he would have been playing it gay. Howard said he might have. He said he was trying to figure out how to play the part and he had a few ideas. He said that it's a huge time commitment. He said it's almost like he's in the movie more than the other guy. Howard said if it was a minor part he might do it. He said it looks like it's as big of a commitment than Private Parts. He said it might be bigger. He said there were only 3 scenes that he wasn't in.
Howard said he heard that Big Foot does impressions of people. Big Foot said he does and did his Obama impression. It was Big Foot Jr. just saying ''I'm President Obama it is.'' He did a President Clinton impression and a Howard impression too. He didn't change his voice, he was just Big Foot saying he was that person.
Howard said that he was thinking about having Lisa out for dinner but it's a confusing thing. He said he's not sure if that would work.
Howard asked Lisa what they have going on. Lisa said they found out who took the photos of Benjy and Elisa naked in the shower. She said that it was Benjy's ex-girlfriend, Sheila, who took them. Lisa said she says that it was tough taking the pictures because they stripped down naked after being in clothes at first. Howard asked what's going on there. Benjy said he and Sheila have been friends for a long time. Lisa said that she also says that she wasn't responsible for the Photoshopping of his stomach rolls. Howard said it was a terrible job.
Lisa said they spoke to Keegan Bradley who is a big fan of the show and loves it when people yell out Baba Booey during the golf games he's in. He said he gets about 10-15 Baba Booey's per hole these days.
Lisa said that Robin's 15 Foundation auction is going on and they have a chance to sit in on the show that's up to $26,000 already. They have a bunch of other things up for auction that you can check out at CharityBuzz.com
Lisa mentioned that they spoke to the guy that Howard shot for his charity photo shoot. Howard said he hasn't gotten them to the guy yet and he has to do that. Robin asked what's taking so long. Howard said it's a lot of work.
Howard took a call from Eric the Actor. Eric wished Howard a happy anniversary. Eric said he was also calling in to talk to Howard about Howard TV doing a thing where they would come to Phoenix to film him there at a TNA pay-per-view. Howard didn't answer. Robin said ''Huh?'' Howard said he fell asleep. Howard said he apologizes for acting unprofessional. Howard asked how long he was out. Robin said she fell asleep too. Howard thanked Eric for the call and hung up on him. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that was a little montage of some bits. Howard said he had so many songs coming in that he can't keep up. Howard played another Eli Braden song parody about Robin called ''Fuckin' Robin's Titties.'' He had another one by someone else about licking Robin's thighs. Howard said that was some production there.
Howard said he has Big Foot Jr. sitting in today too. Big Foot was talking about Robin during the commercials. Howard said he wanted to have phone sex with her.
Howard said he wanted to get to more Wolfie stuff. He said he went to the Nostalgia convention and interviewed some celebrities. He said that they had Shirley Jones there. Howard said that it must be a bummer for these people to be there.
Howard played the Shirley Jones interview. Wolfie asked how much she charges and where she keeps her money. Shirley told Wolfie that she charges $20 for a picture and $30 for an album. Howard wondered why it's more money. Howard said maybe she thinks that you can get more money for selling the album. Wolfie asked how she thinks Howard is doing on America's Got Talent. Shirley said she thinks he's very good and she likes him a lot. Wolfie asked her about watching porno. Shirley said she doesn't watch that stuff. Wolfie asked another question and she wondered why she was talking to him.
Howard said Ron Ely was there. He played Tarzan in a TV show. Howard said he remembers that guy speaking very good English even though he was supposed to have been raised in the jungle. Howard played that clip and Wolfie was asking him what he's famous for. Ron was asked if Cheetah ever grabbed his ball sack on the set. Ron asked who he was and why he would ask that. He was done with the interview a short time later.
Howard said that was a little taste of the interviews. Robin asked if he got Jay North. Howard said he did but Jay was very annoyed. Howard said he'll play it for her though. Wolfie asked a question about Jerry Sandusky and Jay said he can't comment on that. Wolfie asked if he's mad at his agent for making him be there today. Jay said he didn't understand that. Wolfie asked what he thinks about people who say he's taking advantage of his fans by charging for his autograph. Jay said he's not taking advantage and he's getting very mean. They chased Wolfie away after that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. Mariann wished him a Happy Anniversary. Mariann said she craves Howard Con even more and more when she hears those interviews Wolfie does. Howard said they were talking about doing the Howard Con thing. He said they were on fire with ideas. Howard said they have like 50 new things they're going to be doing this month. Mariann said she would love to sit in on a meeting and also be photographed by Howard. Howard said ''Hmm.'' Howard said he's not sure about that.
Mariann also told Howard that she's been using condoms for the past 14 years in her marriage. She said that she doesn't put them on. She said that she pinches her husband sometimes so she lets him do it. Big Foot told her to shut the fuck up so he can get in a word. Howard said he thinks he might do a photo essay on the Wack Pack. Howard said he'll start with Mariann.
Howard wondered if people would be interested in that. Robin said he could call it ''Freaks.'' Howard said that's a good idea. Howard asked Mariann if she would be photographed in a shower. Mariann said no but Howard said she doesn't have to be nude. Robin said she should be photographed in a tree. Mariann said that Robin is really getting on her nerves today. Howard asked if he could Photoshop gills and a shark fin on her. Mariann said she's fine with whatever he wants to do.
Howard asked Big Foot if he's attracted to her. Big foot said she was squawking in his ear and he's about to cum. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he had Carol Miller there. She wrote a book called ''Up All Night: My Life and Times in Rock Radio'' and she's had a charmed career in radio. Howard said she'll be signing books up in Stamford, Connecticut tomorrow night.
Carol came in and said that she had whooping cough. Her voice was pretty shot. Howard asked her to go sit in the booth. Carol said she isn't contagious. Howard said he doesn't want to get sick. Carol said he'll be fine. Howard said she sounds like she has Whooping cough. Carol said she loves Howard and she wanted to come. Howard told her she could have waited a few more weeks. Carol said Howard and Jerry Seinfeld have such a paranoia about germs. Howard asked Gary to get her a surgical mask. Carol said she has plenty to talk about.
Howard said Carol is still on Q104 in New York. She said she was off for a week and a half. She said that she's blaming Jenny McCarthy. She said that she's one of the people who doesn't believe in vaccines. Carol said that many of the illnesses that were done away with are coming back. Howard said he thinks he's going to get sick. Carol said she's not contagious and she didn't kiss Howard.
Howard said Carol was one of these DJs that he listened to when he was younger. He said that the other DJs must have been jealous of her. Howard said the rock stars put her in videos and stuff. Howard said that she was in Ian Hunter's video. Howard said she's so hot that they put her in a video. Howard said the other DJs must have been jealous. Carol said that she thought it was funny. Howard said the WNEW calendar had Carol in it and guys wanted to see her. Carol said they wanted her to dress up like someone else and she just doesn't do that.
Howard asked Carol about how smart she was and how well she did in school. Howard said her father must have freaked out when she said she wanted to go into radio. Carol said that her father thought she was a moron. She said that he would tell her that she was a moron. She said she was very good in school though. She went to the University of Pennsylvania. Howard asked why she went into radio. He said it seems like she had a great thing going. Carol said she would listen to radio and it was always there at the flick of a switch.
Howard said he thinks she could have gone into modeling. Carol said she did some as a teenager. Howard asked if she was popular in school. She said she wasn't all that popular. She said guys were hitting on her but she didn't do that kind of thing so she would turn them down.
Howard went through how Carol got into radio and did some free stuff in the beginning. Carol said it was the whole start of the FM thing. She said that it was a whole new world that was opening up. She said she didn't really have a role model other than Alison Steel. She said that Alison had that Night Bird act. Carol said she had an idea to be people's friends on the radio. Howard said that's what she was like on the radio. Howard said she was super hot too. Howard said it made you think that you could get a chick like that. Howard said he fell for it.
Carol said she loves Howard on America's Got Talent. She said she loved the harp guy. Howard asked if she ever banged a listener. Carol said no.
Howard said Carol got out of college and got a job at WMMR. Carol said she had the job while she was still in college. She said she was offered shots to fill in and she was cutting class to do the job. Howard asked if her looks helped her get in the door. Carol said she doesn't think so. Howard said her beauty must have played into it. Howard asked if the radio programmers hit on her. She said they did.
Carol said she was pretty naive. She said that she thought that she could impress people with what she talked about. Carol said that she wrote about this in the book. She said that Michael Tearson told her that they didn't need a girl there and she wouldn't be there long. Carol said that he was condescending to her. She said she was very nervous to be on the air but pretended to be relaxed. Howard said he was like that but he was awful.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Whooping Cough is very contagious. Howard said he knows he's going to get sick. Carol said she isn't contagious and she wouldn't do that to him. Howard said he's still worried because he catches everything.
Howard asked Carol about the way the music industry is today. Howard said the program directors have the hardest job trying to figure out what people want to hear. Carol said that people want to hear some things they like and some new stuff. She said they have to balance that all out.
Howard asked how old she was when Steven Tyler hooked up with her. Carol had a short relationship with him. Howard said that no one wanted to be with him like that. Howard asked how old she was. Carol said she was 26. Howard said Steven Tyler was one of the biggest rock stars in the world. Carol said Steven is a sweet guy but he needs supervision. She said that he didn't need a bank machine because he had managers who did all of that stuff for him. Carol said that she wasn't looking for sex and love affairs. She said she was looking for a husband. Carol said she was meeting engineers, program directors and rock stars. She said that the rock stars were the ones asking her out.
Carol told Howard how hard it is to be in radio. Howard said he tells the guys there that they have it made. He said it's not easy to be in the business.
Carol told Howard that she was told that they didn't want her on at WPLJ the first time she went to interview. She said she eventually got hired there. Howard said he wanted to work there and Larry Berger gave him the big call. He said he told Larry to fire Jim Kerr to hire him but he didn't want to do that. Howard said NBC ended up calling eventually but he would have died to work at that station. He said it was a great rock station.
Carol said she knows Howard had it in for Jim after that. Howard said he really didn't. Carol told Howard that Jim had a great voice for radio. Howard said he wasn't a great looking guy. Carol said the girls loved him. Howard asked if he got a lot of sex. Carol said from what she heard, yes.
Howard asked more about Steven Tyler and what went on with that relationship. Carol said that Steven would pass out on the bed and she would think he was dead. She said that she wondered how she was going to get out of the hotel if he had died. She said that she wrote about all of that in the book. She said that she realized that Steven was out of his gourd. Howard said she was told to put some fried eggs under his nose and he'd wake up. That actually worked.
Howard asked Carol if she was doing drugs back then. She said she wasn't. Carol said she was out looking for a husband but she never thought that Steven would be that guy. She said that she dated Paul Stanley too and she thought that he could be husband material. She said that she's been friends with him for a long time now. Howard said she thinks that he wanted something different. Carol said that she had such a limited view of guys and she thought that every guy was looking to settle down.
Howard asked if Paul had anything bad to say about gene Simmons. She said he really didn't. Howard asked if Steven's penis was as big as he claims it is. Carol said she didn't want to talk about that. Howard asked if she was in love with him. She said she wasn't. She said that it was just a friends with benefits kind of thing. She said she was in love with Paul Stanley though.
Howard talked to Carol about the MTV days and how great MTV was when it started. Howard said we don't see great videos anymore and videos don't play a part in the music business anymore.
Carol told Howard about Bob Pittman and how much she admires him. She said he started MTV and he works for Clear Channel now.
Howard told Carol she should have waited to come in. Her voice was really bad. Carol said he would have thought she was done and wouldn't have wanted her in there. Robin told her not to say that.
Howard asked Carol about being married to Mark Goodman who was a VJ on MTV for years. Howard asked Carol about coming home one day and finding Mark in bed with two women. Howard asked if that's true. Carol said that's false. Howard said he heard that story from someone. Carol said she never found him in bed with a woman. She said Mark was one of those guys who had that thing go to his head. She said her dad told her to let him shtup around for a year and then figure it out. Carol said that he also told her to have him get an AIDS test. Howard asked if she ever runs into him there. Carol said she has once or twice. She said that when Mark left it was her choice. She said that he ran off with someone else but she was just going to get back to work. Carol said she went about her business and decided to never see him again. Carol said she didn't see him again until a few years ago in the Sirius studios. Howard asked how awkward that was. Carol said she has a sense of humor so she dealt with it fine.
Howard said Carol had cancer too. Carol said she has been through hell and back. She said she had some radiation treatment last year. She said that she had uterine cancer. She said that they took out some plumbing in there.
Carol said that they put her back together like a Barbie. Howard said he likes that she's been cleaned out like that. Howard asked if she's looked death in the eye. Carol said she had MRSA in the hospital twice. She said Howard wouldn't believe what she's had. She said she's had radiation and chemo but she had a heart murmur. She's had about 25 surgeries too. She said she calls herself Queen Cut-Me-Up. Carol said she has a sense of humor thanks to her father who she misses very much.
Howard said Carol has had a pretty good career but most guys don't have that in radio. Howard said management doesn't deal with the on air talent that well. Carol said it's been wonderful to her. Howard asked if she would recommend it to anyone coming out of college. Carol said she's not sure what kind of opportunities there are out there for them now. Carol said she likes it so much that she's shown up for work sick. She said that she just loves to do it.
Howard asked Carol what Mark said to her when he saw her after all those years. Carol said he told her that she still looks good and he was glad that she didn't get fat. Carol said she didn't know why he'd think she'd get fat.
Howard asked if it was hard to get the book published. Carol said it wasn't really. She said that Harper Collins contacted her and asked her to do it.
Howard asked about Steven Tyler's penis again. Howard said he heard that it was really big. Carol said that no one is that big. Howard asked if she ever feels good about being the girl on the arm of a rock star. Carol said she liked being there but she knew that it could be any other girl. She said she was looking for a relationship. She said she did get to go to a lot of nice restaurants and on a lot of nice airplanes. Carol said that's not reality though.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said his cousin died from Whooping Cough. Howard told him not to tell him that. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she likes Carol but she shouldn't touch Howard because the cough is very contagious. She said that her shot must have worn off from when she was a kid. Howard said he didn't have one. Mariann said that he had one when he was a kid. Carol said she never had booster shots. Howard said he never did. Howard sounded like he was freaking out worrying about getting the cough.
Howard asked Carol if she regrets not having kids. Carol said she does but she has a wonderful nephew. Howard gave Carol some more plugs for her book and the book signing she's doing at the Ferguson Library in Connecticut.
Howard said he would normally tongue kiss her goodbye but not this time. He said he can't risk the whooping cough thing. Howard said Carol has been around and she's done it all. Howard said she has a very impressive list of guys. Howard asked if she ever got to see Aerosmith record in a studio. She said she did and that was great. She said she wrote about that in the book too. Carol said she got to hang out with Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty and others in a studio. Howard asked if Bruce ever tried to get in her pants. Carol said he didn't. She said she was just interested in the music. Howard said he will read her book (''Up All Night: My Life and Times in Rock Radio'') and asked if there are nay nude pictures. She said there aren't and there never will be. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who was reading about how Whooping Cough can be spread very easily. Howard kept saying ''Oh my god'' over and over. Howard said she did cough at the end of the interview. The caller said that they say that antibiotics may not help stop the spread of the disease.
Howard said he has to say something. He loves Carol but if your voice is shot just tell Gary and he'll reschedule her. Howard said he could have waited a couple of weeks to talk to her. Howard said he's such a paranoid as it is. Howard told Gary to bring in Gilbert Gottfried with leprosy.
Robin asked if Howard knew that she was coming in sick. Howard said he didn't and Gary is a fuck because he should have told her to come back another time. Howard said Gary isn't a good guy and he's not his producer anymore. Howard said Gary sees her walk in like that he should ask her to come back another time. Howard said her voice was shot and he should have told her to reschedule. Howard said healthy people walk in there and he doesn't want to see them. Howard said he's not sure why he didn't do that.
Gary said he has never sent a guest home like that. Gary said he did tell Howard during the break. Gary said he told him that her voice was a lot fucked up and she sounded very bad. Howard said he's not out there to evaluate. Howard said Gary is the producer of the show and he has to take over and do stuff like that. Howard said he can run things. He's the executive producer of the show. Gary said it's difficult to turn a guest away. Howard said he knows that and that's why he has Gary there.
Howard said if he sees a guest come in with Whooping Cough then he can tell them to leave. Gary said he didn't know that's what it was. He said he just knew she was sick. Howard said he can turn guests away from now on. Howard said that Jay Thomas just came in with a touch of E.Coli and Gary said it was okay to come in.
Howard said Gary didn't say that she sounded bad. Gary said he told him she didn't sound that good. Howard said Will just told him that Gary said ''She doesn't sound that bad.'' Howard said that's what he made the call on. Howard said he told Gary he's out of there in 3 years and he will have no job. Gary said he will be working somewhere. Gary said everyone has to work somewhere.
Howard said Gary has to protect him and make his job easy. He said that's why he's there. Howard said that Fred, Benjy, those two maniacs in the back room are all there to make his job easier. Howard said they have to protect him. Howard said David Letterman would never interview someone who had Whooping Cough. Howard said he needs people to think like their lives depend on it.
Gary said that they think in a different way around there and they don't turn guests away. Howard said he would have blown Gary if he had turned her away. He said he has to be kept healthy or he won't come back. He said if he makes his job easier over the next couple of years then maybe he'd sign on for a couple more. He said his job has to be easy before he can do that.
Howard said this caller was telling him about the cough and how contagious it is. The caller said he got it off of WebMD.com.
Big Foot Jr. said that his scabies are feverish from the Whooping Cough. Howard asked Fred if he's out of line with this. Fred said he thinks that you decide a couple of days in advance not to have someone in. Gary said if he knew a couple of days in advance he would have said something. Howard said if he's out for a month then the company thinks he's trying to pull something over on them. Robin asked if Howard thought about turning her away. Howard said every moment they were there he was thinking about it. Howard said Gary should learn about Whooping Cough and talk about it on his Nerdist show.
Robin said Howard could have told Carol to walk out. Howard said he can't tell Carol to do that. Howard said he feels like he's up on a cross today. Howard said they just confirmed the caller's facts about the cough on the web. Howard said that he feels his chest tightening up. Fred played some Jeff the Drunk coughing clips while they were going over that.
Howard said Gary has to think about this stuff. He said he has the power to control who comes in there. Howard said he's in for a day now. He said he's going to walk around worrying about getting Whooping Cough. Robin said the good thing is that he has a healthy immune system.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Carol's voice was horrible like her own voice. She said Gary really dropped the ball with this. She said that this cough has been so catchy and Howard should go to the doctor. Howard said he has an appointment today for his yearly physical. He said now he's going to be treated for Whooping Cough.
Mariann asked how Gary didn't pick up on that. Gary said he did. Howard said Carol usually has a really good voice. Howard said Gary must hate him. Gary said that's a terrible thing to say. Howard said Gary wants him to have Whooping cough. Gary said Howard has some evil thoughts in his head. Gary asked if he really thinks that way. Howard said he does. He said that Gary hates him and he wants him to get sick. Gary said he doesn't think like that. Howard said he thinks Gary wants his Nerdist channel thing to be the biggest thing on the web. Gary said that's not true at all.
Howard and Fred played with the Jeff the Drunk cough clips for a short time. Howard said it's good that Big Foot Jr. is there. Big Foot said that she's going to be signing books at a respiratory clinic. Howard said she has to wear a mask at that signing.
Howard told Gary to just make a decision and keep guests like that out of there. Howard said Gary is empowered and he depends on him. Howard said he has to keep him healthy and sane.
Howard said that email Gary sent him last night was making him insane. Howard said he was being blamed for something he didn't do. Howard said Gary didn't have to bother him with that. Gary said he's being unfair. Howard said he doesn't want to be in that loop. Howard said Gary should have told the woman that he was the one who said it. Howard said he didn't say it. Howard said he was so annoyed by it. He told Gary not to include him in it. Gary said he can't do that. He said if he left Howard out of it then he'd be annoyed by that. Howard said he doesn't like to be accused of something he didn't do. Gary said this is utterly insane. He said he has to protect Howard from Howard.
Howard told Gary that he is the executive producer and he has to handle this stuff. He mentioned the phone system and how he hasn't fixed that. Gary said this software is the industry standard. He said other shows have had issues with the system and they're looking into how to fix it. Howard said he has to find someone to fix it. He said he has to bang on Mel's door and tell him that they have a repeated problem. Gary said he has not gone to Mel yet. Howard said Mel is a problem solver. Howard said Mel solved his problem and shut him right down. Howard told him not to go to Scott Greenstein. He said that Scott is just going to go to Mel anyway. Howard told Gary to go right to Mel. Howard said they can send him the bill since that's the new protocol around there. Howard said Gary has to make it less hell around there, not more.
Howard told Gary if he sees someone there with Whooping Cough then don't let them in the studio. Howard said this job is stupid and it's not worth risking getting Whooping Cough doing it.
Howard said that this is the only station that matters there. Howard said he is the franchise there and they have to tell the owners about what their problems are. Howard said Gary should go right to Mel about the phone system. Gary said he's not afraid. He said that they have to trust the experts and if they don't work then you have to get rid of them.
Howard said he just read that Anthony from Opie and Anthony was out of work for 2 weeks with Whooping Cough. Howard said he knows he's going to get sick. Gary said that's where Carol claims she got it. Howard said he's changing the name of the show to the Gary Dell'Abate show. Gary said no one is listening to that. Howard said he's going to call it '' They Call Me Baba Booey.'' Gary said no one is going to listen to that. Howard said it's Gary's show now. Howard said he wants all of the jingles changed now. He said now Big Foot might have Whooping Cough. Big Foot said he had it but he cured it with a big shit. Howard said he was cursed the day he met Gary.
Howard said he just got a note saying that the building won't let Anthony in the building until he has a doctor's note. Howard said he didn't even know he could get Whooping Cough. Howard said he doesn't know how Carol got in there.
Howard said he has tape of Gary telling him about Carol's voice. In the clip Gary said it was ''a little bit'' annoying to talk to her. Howard said he said it was a little bit or ''a tiny bit.'' Gary said he's going to take responsibility but he doesn't want the name of the show changed. Howard said he's got it anyway. Howard said he's just been handed the Howard Stern Show name.
Howard said he has George Clooney on the phone. It was Sal in the back coughing and asking if he could come in to say hi to Howard. Gary said he's going to have to wait. Howard asked how soon he can be there. ''George'' said he could be there in a few minutes.
Howard said Ronnie warned Gary about how bad Carol sounded. Gary said he did tell him how she was sick. Howard said Gary has to make that decision from now on.
Howard said Big Foot must understand it. Big Foot said he has Small Pox so he can't get Whooping Cough. He said that prevents Whooping Cough.
Howard said he is a beaten man. He said that's his guy Gary. He said he's like Joe Paterno who just goes on and on without helping. Howard said he loves Gary but he'd like Gary to love him back a little. Gary said he does love him. He said he's sad that he feels that way. He said he actually does love Howard.
Robin said she wouldn't have let Carol in just because she didn't sound good. Robin said she was listening and listening and wondering if she could make a connection with the audience with that voice.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she had Whooping Cough when she was a child and she was sick for like 2 months. She said Howard should go to his doctor and get something for it.
Howard said he saw that Doug Goodstein had Whooping Cough and he was contacted by the CDC. Howard said he's freaking out over there. Howard asked Gary to please protect him. Howard asked if he's crying over there. Gary said he's not going to cry. Howard asked why he doesn't cry over it. He said he should.
Gary said Howard is an unbelievably cruel person. Howard said he's really not. He said he's trying to help. Gary said that he has to laugh because Howard played a clip of a baseball manager yelling at his players and Howard asked ''who thinks that this works.'' Gary said that's what he's doing to him. Howard said he has tried everything with Gary. He said he has helped him today. Howard said he loves Gary and Gary doesn't love him back. Gary said that's not true.
Howard said Gary is going to think about this at his next job. He said he will do it and he'll thank him for this in the future. Howard said he will thank him for this lecture. Howard said he is the beneficiary of all of this. Howard said Gary will be working for Imus some day and he'll remember this. Gary said he will never work for that guy.
Howard said he's preparing Gary for a real job. Howard said he excuses everything but not every job is going to be like that. Howard said he will be such a great employee for his next employer. Big Foot said Gary just isn't a team player. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody as they were wrapping up with that. Robin said she's sure his doctor will put him at ease today. Fred played more of the Jeff the Drunk coughing audio. Howard said he can't wait to go through that. He said he'll be over it in a month and he'll spring right back. Robin said she's guessing that Howard won't get it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gary said it himself that people who are experts should be trusted or be fired. He said that Gary is supposed to be the expert at producing the show. Howard said he's only had 38 years so they should give him a chance. the caller suggested putting him in a dunce cap. Howard said he's not into humiliating Gary. Howard went into a live commercial after that
Howard said Howard TV had video of a kid with Whooping Cough. Howard said that he doesn't want to see that. Howard said Gary looks like he's going to hang himself. Howard asked if he's going to be alright. Gary said Howard yells and then asks if he's going to be okay. He said he'll be fine. Gary said that Howard gets out the scalpel to dig at the Achilles heel that he knows he touched. Howard said he takes it all back then. Howard said he's trying to fill four hours of show. They played him another Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Sanford and Son's theme.
Fred played Robin into her news with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin started her news talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger and how the kid he had with the maid looks more like him than any of the kids he had with Maria. Robin wondered how Maria only had suspicions when the kid looked so much like Arnold. Howard said that poor kid is in the news. He's just a kid. Robin said his father created the whole thing.
Robin read about how David Blaine is going to be doing a stunt where he's going to have a million volts of electricity going through him for 3 days straight. Howard said David asked him to come down to see the stunt but he doesn't want to be there. Howard said he was just around Whooping Cough and no one came in to see him. Robin said that Blaine will be in a chain mail suit the whole time and they're not sure how this will effect him for 3 days straight. Robin said they say this is a real thing and it starts on Friday night. He's going to be awake the whole time.
Howard wondered if he was vaccinated for Whooping Cough or not. Robin said he probably was. Robin said that the immunity may wear off at a certain point. Howard asked Gary to get his mother on the line to find out if he was vaccinated. Gary said he would do that. Robin said that she would remember that. She was the one who took him.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him to calm down. She said her husband had Whooping Cough and he coughed all over their kids. She said that her kids got it and they coughed all over her and she never got it. The caller said that the vaccine is only 60 percent effective. She said that you never know what you're going to get and it's all about susceptibility. She said that it only has a 7 year effectiveness. Howard thanked her for cheering him up.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he's a surgeon in Buffalo. He said that the bottom line is that they're most contagious before they're symptomatic. He said that the coughing part is the least contagious. Howard said he's not following. Robin said he's saying that most of the disease is spread before the symptoms even show up. Howard said he feels better about that then. The caller asked if Big Foot Kennedy was the producer what would he have done. Big Foot Jr. said he would have fucked her.
Howard had his mom, Ray, on the phone so he asked her if she was vaccinated against Whooping Cough. Ray said that she thinks he was. She said she couldn't swear to it. Robin said he did. Howard told her that he was exposed to Whooping Cough today thanks to Gary. Ray thought that Gary had it. Howard said Gary just let a guest in who had it. Howard said he was going to say goodbye to his mommy. He said he just wanted to do that just in case he gets sick.
Robin said that Ray just said that he was vaccinated with a bunch of things and that included the Whooping Cough thing. Howard said he wants her to understand something. He said if the worst happens then Gary should make the funeral arrangements. Ray said that's not fair to Gary. She said he didn't do it deliberately. Howard said that there are no such things as mistakes. He said the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi says there are no such things as mistakes. Howard said that Carol did cough in front of him and that's the one that did it. Ray told him to quit it and start thinking positive. Howard said if he gets it then she can't visit because he doesn't want her being compromised. Howard said he has to say his goodbyes just in case.
Ray asked if this person is living who had Whooping Cough. She said she never hears about anyone having it these days. Howard said that his mom has been terrific. He said she's a terrific woman. Howard said the first time he tried to masturbate he did it in her bed. Howard said that was wrong of him to do that. Howard said he was so stupid that he urinated instead. He said that he did get a little bit in the bed. Ray said that this was starting to upset her. Howard said she's a wonderful mother and he's sorry for doing that. Ray said she accepts that apology. Howard coughed some more and said he'll be fine. He said he's strong and he lives for her. ray said she knows he's fine.
Howard said he was a brave little boy living in that black community. Ray told him to stop with that. She said that he has a lot to talk about thanks to living there. She said he should pay her for that. Howard said he owes her for a lot alright. Howard said if he goes then he doesn't want another man inside of Beth. He said she has to make sure that never happens.
Jason came in and told Howard that someone else from Sirius had Whooping Cough and he had a note about what happened. Gary said he's making the decision to not let Jason tell Howard because it'll just make it worse. Howard asked Fred if he's concerned. Fred said he is behind this big barrier so he might be a little safer.
Jason told Howard what this person said about the Whooping Cough. Howard cut him off but then asked him for more details. Jason said this was Jose who wrote this. Jose was coughing up blood and he stopped breathing. Howard said ''Oh my god!'' and asked his mom if she heard that. Ray told him to go for a run in the park and he'll feel better. Howard said Jose is in great shape too. Howard told Ray to stay away from people because they have Whooping Cough and he needs her alive. Howard asked Ray what her other child's name is. He forgot. Ray said ''what other child?'' Howard said ''exactly.'' Howard let his mom go and said that she's obviously shaken by this news. He went into a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and said that if this is his last news cast then she should make it special. Howard said he should say goodbye to Beth next. Robin read about JK Rowling's new book and how it's selling well. Robin said that the average audience is female in their 30s. Robin said she knocked off Fifty Shades of Gray from the top spot on the best seller list.
Howard asked Big Foot how he's doing over there. Big Foot said he has every disease known to man so he's doing just fine.
Robin read a story about unemployment benefits and how some millionaires collect. Howard said he doesn't think he'd collect but some people should be allowed to collect when they need it. Howard said some millionaires might need that income though.
Robin read about how Chris Brown and Rihanna were seen making out at a club the other night. Howard talked to Big Foot Jr. a little more and didn't spend much time on the Chris Brown story.
Robin read about internet and mail fraud and what type of people are most susceptible to those scams. Robin said they're trying to track those people down so you should report it if you feel you're part of a fraud.
Robin read about tanning salons and how they are showing that it can lead to skin cancer. Robin said you shouldn't start doing it in your teen years. She said that's what a lot of teens are doing. Howard said Gary got him a gift certificate for a tanning salon. Howard said Sal thought that his melanoma on his ass was from a paint ball. Howard said he knows people who tan and they look ridiculous. Howard said they look the same but darker. He said they look silly and vapid. Howard said he understands if you're outside and you go tanning it's just not good for you. He said he lays in the sun but not excessively.
Robin said that the U.N. is saying that the number of people over the age of 60 will surpass 1 billion. Robin said that we have too many old people. Howard said we have too many people on this planet. He said we need a limit on the number of people on this planet. He said we have too many. Robin said that the elderly are taking up more than the young. Howard said thanks to Gary there may be one less older man on the planet. Big Foot said that Gary is one step ahead of the game.
Robin read about some American Airlines problems where they have had loose seats. Robin said they are looking into why the seats were loose. Robin said that they found that some of these seats weren't bolted down. Howard said that's crazy. Gary said they didn't do it internally. They sent it out to another firm. Howard asked what they should do to that firm. Gary said they should fire them. Howard said they should re-use them like they do around there.
Robin read about a coach who is suing Penn State over the things that have been said about him in the Jerry Sandusky case. Robin said he's suing over the stress it's causing him and his coaching prospects.
Howard asked Benjy if he's afraid of Whooping Cough. Benjy said he's fine. Robin read more about the lawsuit and then went through a few more stories.
Robin read about how Jimmy Hoffa's body wasn't found in the area they were checking in recently. Robin said that was in Detroit. Robin said that the X-Factor will have two hosts. Mario Lopez and Khloe Kardashian will both be hosting. Howard said Mario is really busy after doing that Dancing with the Stars show. Howard said he's getting a ton of work out of that. Howard said that Khloe Kardashian is a nothing and it shows that anyone can walk in and take your job. Robin said that's why they need Mario there. She's never done anything like this.
Robin read about Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey fighting on American Idol. Howard said he has the audio but you can barely hear what they're saying. Howard said he had the transcript of it too so he could read that along with it. Howard played the audio and Howard read the transcript of what they were saying. Nicki was going off on Mariah for interrupting her every 5 minutes and saying she told them she wasn't going to put up with her shit. Howard said there's no chance they'll show that stuff on TV. Robin said they probably won't. Howard said he thinks the producers knew what they were doing when they hired Mariah and Nicki. Howard said that they wanted to cause something like that.
Robin read about tonight's presidential debates. Robin said that they have polls saying that people think Obama will do better than Romney. Robin said that Microsoft has a feature on the xBox that will let people sound off during the debates. Howard said he thought that thing was supposed to be fun. He said he thought you were supposed to beat up other people with it. Robin said it apparently does everything these days. Howard said now Scott DePace can talk politics on there. Robin said some people have drinking games set up for the debates. Howard said that they could drink every time they say ''my opponent.'' Howard said they could drink when Obama says ''folks.'' Howard said his dad hates that ''folks'' thing.
Robin said a bunch of new attack ads have come out. Robin said there's a group that has opened in a few states about Obama's pro-choice record. Robin had some audio of those ads so Howard played those and said that he's voting for Obama based on most of the stuff they're complaining about in those ads.
Robin said that Mitt Romney's garbage man is the target of an ad. Robin said that this guy picks up trash near his home in San Diego. Robin had the audio of that too.
Robin read about Boardwalk Empire getting a Sesame Street parody done. Howard said he loves Boardwalk Empire. Robin had some audio from Sesame Street where they were doing the parody. Howard said he hates when they do parodies like that trying to make the show for adults too. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show saying that if this is his last show, because of Whooping Cough, don't blame Gary. He said he's going to say goodbye now. He sang a song from Damn Yankees and said this is the end.
Howard thanked Big Foot Jr. and Jay Tesoro for coming in today. Howard said that Andrew Dice Clay Jr. was there too so he had Jay do his impression of him for a few minutes. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:40am.
Jon said that some of the guys think that he's pissed about them not coming to his defense. Gary said that everyone thinks that they would have known what to do at the time. He said no one else said that it would be the thing to do to keep her out. Gary said Carol's voice was bad but she said she wasn't sick anymore.
Jon asked Gary if he thought it was Howard's call. Gary said he has had conversations with Howard over the past couple of months and Howard wants him to take over more things there. He said that Howard said he was willing to live with some of the mistakes. Gary said it's been 28 years with Howard making decisions with him. He said he has never turned a guest away for any reason like that. Gary said that he could have turned her away but Howard would have worried that he insulted her or something. He said it could have gone the other way. Jon asked if he thinks he made the right call. Gary said he regrets it because it ruined Howard's day and maybe the audience wasn't into it.
Gary said he's seen Howard blame people for getting a cold from them and he'll take it out on them for ruining his weekend. Gary said if Howard gets sick he won't call him not go of on him. He said he'll save it for Monday.
Jon said that Gary told Jason not to tell Howard what Jose had to say about his Whooping Cough. Gary said he didn't want to pile on Howard with that stuff. He said it's like Howard wants to hear ore about how sick he's going to get. Jon said he liked how Howard was saying goodbye to his mom too. They had to take a break after that.
Another caller said he was trying to get through to Howard directly. He said he thinks Howard is being unfair to Gary. He said that when he's saying he wants to empower Gary he finds it hard to believe. The caller said that he probably fells the weight of the second guessing he's making. The caller asked if he thinks about the aftermath and if that paralyzes him. Gary asked why Jason was laughing so hard over there. Jason said he's a fan of the show and it was great as a fan to hear Howard trying to help Gary. He said that the show was great today but he does feel bad for Gary as a friend.
Jon said Howard does want to put Gary in charge of a lot of things. He asked if Gary is getting a mixed message. Gary said they talked off the air so it's not so mixed off the air. He said Howard said he wouldn't give him a hard time about mistakes but it's obvious that he's not going to get a break.
Gary said he was a little angry at the office today but no one in particular. He said they were putting up jokes and that's just what they do there. He said he can't hold a grudge but he can be mad at the moment. Jason said he didn't get any special treatment. Will said he's never seen Gary so bummed out about something. Gary said it was very personal about what Howard was saying about how he must hate him.
Gary said that he sent Howard something about what happened on the show yesterday and he had that and the phones thing and the Whooping Cough thing going on. It was a lot to handle today.
Jon asked about the phone system and what's going on with that. Gary said that they have had meetings with the top people there to fix it. He said that they have told him what they need to do to get it fixed. He said that they are already using the top of the line system and that's what all of the big places are using. Gary said they can't make the change in minutes. Gary said you can't even buy the phone system anymore.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if Howard got Whooping Cough then how big would it be for the show. Gary said that's one of the reasons he got bummed out. Gary said their relationship would never be the same. He said he knows Howard would blame him for it and he wouldn't treat him the same. Gary said if Howard gets it then he's done. Jon agreed. He said that reminds him of the bed bug incident up there a few years ago. He said Gary really would be done.
Gary said he has had bad weeks before and this wasn't the worst. Jason said that Gary has the ability to let it roll off his back. Jason said that he would obsess over that if it was him before he was on medication. Jason said that Howard doesn't really hate him and he must know that. Gary said saying that in the moment is still a low blow. Gary said Howard says he's his guy and when you get your ass kicked like this then it bothers him more.
Benjy asked Gary if he thinks that he fucked up. Gary said at the end of the day it's his decision but he didn't know it was his decision at the time. Gary said he would take most of the responsibility. He said it just didn't dawn on him at the time. They had to go to break after that. s
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was some of the funniest radio today. He said he knows that Howard has to be hard on him because he doesn't have a son of his own to take it out on like his own dad did. Gary said it is interesting because you can hear Howard's father's voice in there. He said you wait for him to say ''Shut up you stupid moron.''
Jason asked if it's worth waiting for Howard to get to that place where he apologizes to him. Gary said that he's seen Howard off the air getting mad at someone and he feels bad for that too. Gary said he shouldn't have to feel that way.
Jon asked Ronnie about what was going on and how he had warned Gary about the cough. Ronnie said he can't throw Gary under the bus. Gary said Ronnie did tell him that she was sick. Ronnie said he told Gary that he thought that he should warn Howard that she was sick as a fucking dog. Gary said that Ronnie didn't go into anyone and tell them to put it on the computer but someone did it anyway.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it seems like Howard's opinion about Gary has changed since Rob Burnett gave Gary the glowing review a few weeks ago. Gary said his head didn't get big after that but Rob was talking about how hard it is to promote a show and do it while getting yelled at publicly.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Gary is the producer of the best radio show on earth. He said that he is a great father and he does a great job. He said he loves Howard and Robin but Gary is incredible. He said it's because of Gary that the show is good. He said Howard will be fine.
Gary asked if Howard told them to take only nice calls today. Jon said no. Gary told him to take a negative call. Jon took one from a woman who said that she listened to Carol yesterday and she sounded horrible on her own show. She said that when she heard she was going to be on the show she couldn't believe it. She said she heard the horrible interview and she thinks Carol shouldn't have even come in. Gary said they didn't know anything about her still being sick. He said they heard she was sick a few weeks ago.
Ronnie said he's kind of worried because Carol shook his hand. He said she had a glove on but he still shook it.
Jon asked if they thought Howard was going to end it real quick. Gary said he did. He thought it was going to be a 10-15 minute interview. Jon asked Benjy if he thought the same thing. Benjy said he was surprised he didn't put her in Robin's booth. Gary said he was too. He said he thought Howard was going to put her in there but then he thought that it would be insulting to show her where the door was.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he follows Carol in the studio on her show and she was hacking all over the board at the station and he hasn't gotten sick. He said he wiped down the board with wipes and he was convinced he was going to get sick. The guys told him that he's not out of the woods because it takes two weeks before you show any symptoms. The guy sounded shocked. Gary asked the guy if he had vaccinations for it. The caller wasn't sure but the guys figured he was vaccinated. Jon asked Gary if he thinks he'll hear from Howard about this later. Gary said he will talk to Howard about some stuff but probably not this. Jason asked of they should rename Moldrid to ''Whooping Cough.'' Jon said that's probably not a good idea. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
George Steinbrenner Calls In. 10/4/96.
Yankees owner George Steinbrenner called in to talk to Howard this morning. Howard congratulated George about winning last night. Howard asked him about the Roberto Alomar spitting on the Umpire incident. Steinbrenner said he's taking the umpires side on this one. He thinks that spitting on anyone is wrong and he should be punished. George said that if this guy was on his team he would have been suspended. Good for George. George answered a few more questions and seemed to enjoy talking to Howard.
Porn Star Tabitha Stevens And Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro Come In. 10/4/02. 7:40am
Former porn star Tabitha Stevens (TabithaStevens.com) came in, with brand new implants, to talk to Howard this morning. Gary came in and said that Tabitha just got new implants and she was out in the green room pulling out staples from her nipples. She's had some other surgery done and they managed to get rid of her ''gummy smile'' which Howard pointed out one of the last times she was on the show. She said they put in some kind of implant under her nose to fix it. She said it really hurt too. Gary wondered how much it cost because he could use something like that for his gummy/toothy smile. Tabitha said she can still feel the implant under her nose and it still hurts. She had the surgery about 5 months ago. She said she's spent about $250,000 on plastic surgery. She had a cheek implant that shifted and almost went into her eye. She said the Doctor wanted to charge her to fix it. She also had some fat taken out of her ass and put into her face. She's had 6 boob jobs and 3 nose jobs. She showed Howard her breast implants and said that they're a little smaller than the last set. Howard said the looked fine but Gary was saying that they looked to be different sizes.
Tabitha said she was having problems after her last nose job so she had to have that fixed. She also had botox injections to get rid of some wrinkles in her forehead.
Tabitha said she's gone through a lot of pain with this stuff but Howard said it's worth it to be a hot chick.
Tabitha said she's quit the porn business. She said she's 32 and it was time to get out. She said she owns a video store and she can make some good money with that. She said she hasn't even danced at clubs for about 4 years.
After taking a break Howard did the football pool picks (below) and then brought in Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro (JeffTheDrunk.com). Jeff was drunk and in ''rare form'' according to KC. As soon as he walked in he dropped his beer. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him and let Tabitha sweet talk him a bit.
Howard said someone sent him a list of Jeff's latest driving offenses so he went through some of that. Jeff eluded police by driving through some corn fields and stuff. Howard asked him about that and got the whole story from Jeff. He only has one good arm because of a car accident he was in back in 1986. He told Howard he was driving home from work, where he stamps hands at a pool, when the cops decided to pull him over. Jeff couldn't get though his story. He told Howard he didn't have a seizure like they said he did earlier in the show. He said he'd taken a hit off a bowl and that was it. Apparently he was just coughing.
Jeff got back to his police chase story and told Howard what happened. He ended up running from the cops and into a corn field. He said he told the cop he was taking a short cut to the store when he drove into the corn field. He wasn't able to talk his way out of the offenses he was charged with.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that 3 offenses in the state of New York would make it a felony so he may be in big trouble. He goes to court next Tuesday.
Jeff sang a song for Tabitha and Howard wrapped up the interview a few minutes later.
In the clip Howard had a few wack packers come in to sit in while he gave out some F-Emmys. Howard had a guy who lights his penis on fire. He had King of All Blacks in and also Celeste who is in a wheelchair. Howard said he had an award to give away real quick. Howard had clips of each of the nominees for this category. Here are the nominees:
King of All Blacks asked if he ever gets jealous of the other women. Robin said he doesn't. He said jealousy is a curse. Howard said that's how guys should play it. King said he's right about that.
Howard told Robin about this guy Lou Diamond Phillips whose wife wanted to be with Melissa Etheridge. Howard said he brought her to therapy right away. He said if he had just played it cool he might have had it made with the wife. Howard said he should have told her that he'd like to watch and maybe participate if they were into it. King of All Blacks said he doesn't like that. He'd be upset that the woman thinks he's not adequate enough for her. Howard wrapped up with Robin and let him go a short time later. He told him to come visit and bring the girls with him next time.
Stuttering John Questions Dom DeLuise. 10/4/96.
Stuttering John was out somewhere yesterday and got to question Dom DeLuise. The first question out of his mouth was ''Where were you when Burt Convey died''. Dom was good friends with Burt and was a little freaked out by the question. He asked John if he expected him to answer. John, with a smile, said ''yes''. Well Dom really freaked out and just stared at John for a few seconds. John just said ''how ya doin' Dom?'' and the next thing you know John is getting thrown out. John yelled one more question as he was being dragged out.. '' Dom, have you ever eaten a salad?...'' Dom told John that he was going to shove his microphones up his nose and that was that. Boy is Dom DeLuise uptight or what?
Killing Time Waiting For Magic. 10/04/2000. 8:05am
Howard also had a bunch of tapes of Tommy Lasorda freaking out on reporters that he played for a while. Lasorda goes off on people when he's asked questions he doesn't like. Howard had about 4 different tapes of that stuff as well as a couple of Stuttering John tapes where Lasorda tells him to get away from him.
Ozzy Osbourne Calls In. 10/4/01. 9:05am
Rocker Ozzy Osbourne called in to tell Howard that the money he makes from his upcoming Merry Mayhem tour will be going to Howard's disaster relief fund. Ozzy spoke to Howard about where he was during the World Trade Center disaster and how crazy he thought the whole thing was. Howard heard rumors that Ozzy and his wife went to church after it all happened but Ozzy told Howard that wasn't true at all. Ozzy said that if he did go to church a lightning bolt would probably strike him down.
Ozzy was very lively and rambling a bit while he was on the phone. A couple of times Howard had no idea what Ozzy had said so he just said ''Exactly'' to him. Howard and Ozzy spent about 10 minutes talking about all of this stuff and how Ozzy and his wife think that giving the money to Howard will guarantee that the money goes to the right place. Ozzy said that he's playing at the Meadowlands in New Jersey on the 23rd of this month. At least that's how I interpreted what he said. I could be wrong about that.
Benjy's Stripper Friend Alexis Visits. 10/04/2000. 7:15am
Yesterday Howard was talking to Benjy about performing oral sex on a woman at Doug Goodstein's bachelor party. Benjy had claimed that he used some kind of plastic on his tongue so there wouldn't be any bodily fluids exchanged. Everyone that saw him said that he didn't use anything.
This morning the stripper he performed the oral on came in to give the true story. 19 year old Alexis the stripper from American Strippers (DialADancer.com) came in to give her side. She claims that Benjy did use some kind of plastic, in the beginning of the oral. It didn't stay in the whole time. She also said that Benjy gave her the best oral she's ever had. She claims she had 12 orgasms!
Alexis even said she'd hang out with Benjy again. The two of them have kept in touch since that night but they haven't hooked up again because their schedules don't line up.
Stephen Baldwin called in and said ''Benjy for President!'' after hearing all of this. Howard said he guesses he has nothing else to add to the conversation. He let him go a few seconds later. Stephen said a quick ''thank you'' before Howard hung up on him.
Benjy continued to ask why it's a big deal that he performed oral on this girl. Howard told him that it's the fact that he didn't think about what he was doing and that it was in front of people he works with that makes it so disturbing.
Alexis stuck around and even kissed Benjy one time before she left. Howard and the crew all thought that looked disgusting with fat Benjy kissing her. Alexis also demonstrated her rapping abilities by doing a little free style rap. She was pretty good. Howard went to break a short time later.
In the clip Robin was reading some news and had a story about Paula Poundstone. Howard mentioned that Billy West does a great impression of her. He had Gary get Billy on the phone so he could do the impression. Billy was on the phone a short time later. Billy was doing his Paula Poundstone impression and getting all confused and talking about her cat and talking to people at an awards show.
Howard said he thinks Paula's show will get canceled halfway through it on the first night. Howard said it's amazing that they even gave her a TV show. Billy did his impression of Paula talking to Nils Loftgren on her TV talk show. Howard said poor Nils got stuck with Paula. Howard let Billy go a short time later.
Howard and Gary talked more about Paula and the goofy stuff she does. Howard said she's like a frantic Pauly Shore.
In the clip Howard was talking about a beer fest the guys went to and how Jackie showed up with his wife Nancy in a dress that had her boobs exposed. Howard said he wishes Jackie had told him about that. He said he would have liked to have seen that. Steve Grillo noticed and said that she was very distracting. Howard said that's what Nancy wanted though. He said she wanted someone to notice her. Gary noticed it too and said that you could see a lot through the dress. Gary said that it was also cold all night.
Jackie had a story to tell but he started getting into too much detail so Robin and Howard cut him off and goofed on his story telling skills. Jackie said there were hundreds of people there and they were performing a song when someone threw a beer and it soaked Nancy's dress. He said it was like a wet t-shirt contest. He said it was very mean. Jackie said he's sure it was aimed at him. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said no one wants to see Jackie's breasts.
Gary told Howard about all of the drunks that were there and how one guy was going to buy a Jackie CD and a hat and he was so drunk he didn't know he had given them a $100 bill instead of a $10 bill. He said the guy was so wasted he was barely able to move on his own. Gary said the guy's friends had to come over and help him out. Gary said the guy put the hat on and he continued to drink.
Jackie said that his friend Barry was videotaping the whole thing and he got the dress soaking on video. He said he should have that soon. Howard said this whole marriage is a joke. He said he's not even sure they're married. Howard went to break a short time later.
After an edited out break Howard came back and did impressions of Jackie and talked about the beer fest in that voice. They were doing Jackie when he's happy and Jackie when he gets down. Everyone stated doing their Jackie voice and goofed on him for a few minutes. Howard said he does that all weekend. He said he sits home and watches movies. Howard said he was envious of Jackie. He said Jackie's whole life revolves around beer. He said he will talk to anyone who drinks beer because they have that in common. Howard did more of his Jackie impression and said beer is like a baby pacifier to him. They goofed on Jackie for a few more minutes.
After another edited out break Howard came back and talked about a note he got from someone who said they should ask Jackie about the fight he had with Nancy after the beer throwing thing. Jackie said that Nancy was upset about the beer being thrown on her and he wasn't as upset as he should have been apparently. Howard got back into his Jackie impression and said Nancy is delusional. Howard asked what Jackie is supposed to do. Jackie said they finished the song and did another one. He said of course Nancy got upset. Howard asked why they were fighting. Jackie said they just weren't giggling. He said he was busy signing autographs. Howard said Nancy must be upset that no one wanted her autograph. Jackie said she signed like a million autographs.
Stuttering John came in and said they have an intern who saw the fight between Jackie and Nancy. His name was Jason and he was Scott's intern. Howard asked Jason if he was okay because he looked like he was about to pass out. He had never been on the air before. Howard said he's just another dude and he's just talking on the radio. Jason told Howard he was turned around when the beer was thrown. He said he would have taken a shot like a secret service guy if he had seen it. Jason told Howard Nancy was yelling about how it was supposed to be ''my time'' while they were at their table in the middle of the place. Jason said this was all in the middle of the place. Howard wrapped up with Jason and went to a break a short time later.
After another break Howard came back and had Nancy on the phone. Nancy said she wanted to tell the real story. Howard asked what happened with the beer. Nancy said it wasn't thrown at her but she got hit. She said she was upset but not at Jackie. Nancy said that Jackie can be nasty and irrational when he's drunk. She said that she's surprised that he didn't defend her just now. Nancy said that Jackie told her to go home after the beer thing. Jackie said he apologized to her for that. Nancy said she didn't get one second of sympathy from Jackie. Howard said he takes her side in this one. Howard said all Jackie had to say was that it was horrible. Nancy said all he had to do was validate her feelings for 5 seconds. Howard said he has to agree with her on this one. He said she's right this time. Howard let Nancy go a short time later.
Howard said that Jackie shouldn't have had his wife at the beer fest. Howard said she shouldn't have shown up in a wedding dress either. Howard said she had no business being there. Nancy called back a couple minutes later to tell him that he sucks. Howard asked why she goes to these things. Nancy said she and Jackie don't fight all over the place like he thinks they do.
Howard asked Nancy if she has tried to get Jackie to stop drinking. She said she has. She said she knows that he's going to drink and she knew he was going to be drinking that night. She said she did forget that he was going to be belligerent though. Jackie said she told him she can never forget that. Nancy said he's right about that. Nancy got off the line a short time later. Howard said she's really a pain in the ass.
Robin got back to her news and read about a bunch of high school cheerleader's that got pregnant. Howard said that's not as bad as what Jackie is going to experience when he gets home.
Underdog Lady Calls In. 10/04/04. 6:50am
Gary came in and broke in with some news because they had Suzanne ''Underdog Lady'' Muldowny on the line. She was calling in to talk about how yesterday was the 40th anniversary of the cartoon character Underdog. Suzanne said she celebrated it by performing in a parade yesterday but not that many people were aware of the 40th anniversary. She said the parade was an Elks lodge parade so only a few people in the grandstands were aware of what was going on.
Howard talked about how his father helped out with the recording of the cartoon way back then. Suzanne seemed to think that Howard was claiming that his father was one of the creators but he was just trying to let her know that his father helped out. Suzanne thought that Howard made a great mistake by choosing to be profane with his radio show after having sat in during the recordings. She ended up hanging up on Howard because he was upsetting her with his questions. Gary told Howard that Suzanne was hoping to talk about how she wants people to leave her alone at these events because she's still being bothered by a few people. Howard had to take another commercial break after that.
In the clip Howard had comedian Robert Klein come in. Howard talked to Robert about his pending divorce for a short time. Robert told Howard about what was going on with that.
Robert told Howard that he's hearing a lot about him and how people are listening. Howard said they figure there's about a 2 share of people who don't admit they listen.
Howard said Robert didn't want to talk about his wife but he wants to know if a woman can make a claim that someone didn't promote her career. Robert said it is true. He said he has such contempt of matrimonial law. He said they have these people like Ronald Felder who are out there doing this stuff. Howard said Robert's wife was an opera star and she claims that he didn't promote her. Howard said he was always out there talking about her. Robert said that's what he's trying to say.
Robert was talking about Andrew Dice Clay and doing an impression of him. Howard said Dice has gotten a little weird. Howard and Robert spent a little time talking about Dice and other comedians. Robert said he thinks that Dice has to be held accountable for the bashing he does. Howard said he looks at it a different way. He said he's a funny comedian and he laughs at him. Howard said he blew it for him when he said that it's a character he's doing. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that. Howard said he should say that it's him and that's his opinion he's giving. Howard said maybe he's not a high brow kind of guy but he likes Robert Klein's stuff too. Howard said Dice blew it by going on these shows and saying that it was just an act. He and Robert spent a little more time talking about Dice.
Robert was also talking about Sam Kinison and what he thinks of his comedy. Robert said that he is funny and manic but after a while he just has to stop. He said Rodney Dangerfield knows who is funny and not funny. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and talked about how he and Robert were getting along very well during the break. Howard said it's good for him to have a friend like that. Howard said they really are hitting it off good. Howard said Robert wants to put him in a few projects.
Howard pointed out Jackie and Fred in the studio. Robert said he thought they were security. Howard said they were picking apart every comedian during the break. Howard said Robert has a new album out and he was checking out the cover of it. Howard also saw a picture of the new girlfriend. Howard said she was pretty hot. They had to take another break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard said that Robert's ex called in and almost came on the air. Howard said that might have been interesting. He said he'd like to be able to get them back together. Howard asked if he was a good husband. Robert said he was great.
Howard said Young MC is out there so maybe they can all do some news together. Howard had Young MC come in a short time later. Howard had Robin go through some news after talking to MC for a short time. Robert and MC hung around to comment on the stories Robin went through.
During the news Howard said he thinks he has Robert's ex-wife on the line. Robert said he didn't want to deal with it. Howard asked if he's serious. Robert said he was. Howard said maybe she's trying to make peace. Robert said he's not sure about that. Howard said he will be respectful. Robert said someone must have called her about the radio show.
Howard picked up to see if it was the real person. Robert said it was Brenda. Howard said they don't sound that angry at each other. Howard told Brenda that she's on the air. Brenda said she's not angry. Howard told her that Robert has been respectful. Brenda said she realizes the value of entertainment. She said that a parent of one of her son's friends was on the phone telling her about this interview. She said that she's not going to attack Howard or Robert. Robert said she usually hangs up on him so he's not used to hearing her voice.
Brenda said they have a 6 year old son and he has been damaged in all of this. She said that they all know who Howard is and they're listening on their way to school. Brenda said that they're keeping things alive by talking about this. Robert asked how she's helping by calling in. Brenda said she thinks it should stop and she's pleading for Alex.
Howard said they haven't done anything. Howard said they talked about the divorce but they were respectful. Brenda said she has heard a lot of the discussion. She said that talking about the money and things is great entertainment but she has a child so she's pleading for the protection of a young child. Howard said he didn't do anything bad. He said she's making it sound like he did.
Brenda said that they all get her point. Robin said that she thinks that the friend who turned on the radio is the one who doesn't respect the 6 year old's well being. Brenda said she doesn't think that she or Alex should be exploited in this.
Howard said he's sure the 6 year old knows that they got a divorce. Robert said he is a smart human being with a mind. He said they didn't say anything untoward. Robert said that he's on the show trying to promote his album. Brenda said that people want to hear about the divorce. Howard said they didn't drag up any dirt or anything.
Howard said they didn't say anything about her son and he thinks that this call is because he brought up Robert's new girlfriend. Brenda said that's not what it's about. Robert said it sounds like Brenda has been listening to this guy. Brenda said they shouldn't be talking about this stuff on the radio. She said these kids are hearing about this on the radio. Howard said they weren't even doing comedy. Robert said that Young MC isn't getting his air time because they're having an argument on radio. Howard said if in any way they hurt her or her son he apologizes. Robert said the kid knows nothing about it and he doesn't care. Robert said she had no problem talking to People Magazine about serving him papers. She said that Robert was the one who went to People.
Robert said he can't believe this. Howard said he knows when he's done wrong and he didn't do wrong. Robert asked Young MC to perform a song or something. Howard said Robert's wife is a beautiful woman and it didn't work out. Howard said all he did was bring up the divorce. Robert said there is no one he loves ore than his son. He said this is all prudishness. Howard said he got a note from Robert's publicist who says that he has to be going now.
Howard said that Robert Klein is like one of their best guests ever. Howard said he likes Eddie Murphy a lot too. Robert said he is a great talent and a smart guy. He said he's not crazy about his stand-up though. Robert said he is a big fan of Dennis Miller's comedy though. Howard agreed that he's very funny. Howard wrapped up with Robert a short time later.
In the clip Howard said that Norm MacDonald told them about this album where they have retarded kids singing songs. Howard said it's called The Kids of Widney High. Howard played a couple of tracks from the album and said he was digging it. Howard said he'd rename the album to something like the Mumbling Stones to make it seem more relevant. Howard said if you played this on Z-100 the people would actually buy the album. Howard said if you play it enough people will buy anything.
Howard read some quotes from the liner notes. The guy who put the album together was saying that he was blown away by how much effort the kids put into the album. He read some quotes from some people who were impressed with the kid's performances. Howard said Tiffany was one of the people quoted.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they're laughing at the misfortune of others again. Howard said at least he's playing the record. Howard said no one else is playing it. the caller said that Howard made an album too. Howard said he remembers that. Howard asked the caller if he's retarded. The guy said ''Imus rules, quack, quack'' and hung up.
Howard played more of the album and one of the kids was singing about how he wanted to get married in the song ''Myra.'' Howard said it took him years to find a girl and he can talk.
Howard said it was Norm who told them about the album. He said someone told him if you play it backwards it sounds the same as it does forward. Howard played more of the album and then took a call from a guy who said he has a friend who has a video tape of these kids singing and it's pretty funny. He described what else was on the tape and Howard said he doesn't think he can take it. Howard said he's just getting into the tunes.
Howard said he really has to take a break. Robin said she was digging the song. Howard wondered if they had to do more than one take. He said he would love to know everything about the record.
Howard and the guys goofed on that for a short time and then played some audio of Crackhead Bob trying to sing ''I've Got You Babe'' with Fred feeding him the lines.
Howard played more of the Kids of Widney High album and Gary said it sounds more like a parody of retarded kids singing. Howard said he pictures Norm MacDonald sitting at home with headphones on analyzing it. Howard said maybe Norm and his friends put it together.
Howard went through a couple more tracks since Robin was so into the album. Robin didn't like them all that much. Howard said he thinks the first side of the album was the side for them. Howard said he has no idea where to get the album.
In the clip Howard was talking about a girl he really liked as a kid but she was never more than a friend. Howard said she would tell him how funny he was and things like that but it was only a friend thing. He said she went out with all of these losers and he'd beg her to go out with him. Howard said she would just say she was his friend. Howard said she thought he was repulsive and he was just the court jester. Howard said he would take her places and hang out with her but that was it. Howard said they'd go to movies as friends. She'd tell him her relationship problems and things like that.
Howard said he would go over to her house and they weren't even allowed to sit on her bed. He said the mother was really obsessed with that.
Howard said he once tried to kiss her and she may have vomited. Howard said she dated good looking stupid guys. Howard said he thought that he was better than that. Howard said he's a good guy trapped in the body of an ugly guy. Howard said he had good feet but it was hard to just ask a girl if she wanted to see his feet. Howard said he has the feet of a model. He said his feet are as good looking as Christie Brinkley's face.
Howard told Robin how small his penis is and how he has to get a physical for the movie company. Howard said he can't show his little penis. He said the thing is the size of an acorn.
Stuttering John came in and talked about how much smaller it gets when you're nervous. Howard told John he didn't need to hear that.
Howard said he hates those physical exams when the doctor has to look at your stuff. Howard said he's healthier than anyone in that room so he doesn't really need it.
Howard said he's glad they're on in Miami because of this girl Andrea. Howard said they went all the way across country together and she still didn't want to be with him. Howard said he had to be such a loser for her not to want him. Howard said she didn't want him and this is why he needs to be on radio. Howard said all of these girls rejected him and now he knows that they regret it.
Howard said that he doesn't really care about anything else other than Andrea and her kids becoming fans of his. Howard said Andrea will have to tell them that she was just friends with him. Howard said she won't be able to say that she was his girlfriend. Robin said she wants to talk to this woman off the air. Howard said Robin's own family won't talk to her. Howard said he has to take a break but Stuttering John told him that his mother was on the line.
Howard tried to pick up his mother but Steve Grillo was calling her back since she called in on the wrong line. Howard made the call back to his mother himself. Howard asked his mom not to mention Andrea's last name on the air. Ray said that she knows why Andrea didn't date Howard. She said that Andrea was at the house having lunch one day and they were sitting there and Andrea said she was going to be a doctor. Ray said Ben said that this was the prefect woman for him and they made a joke about it and that was it. Howard said his mom is just trying to be funny. Howard said the reason she didn't want him is because of the genetics they passed along to him. Howard said this face is the reason. Ray said people say he looks like her so who is she going to blame. Howard said his mom never got guys. She married his dad when she was only 18. His dad was 25 and he never got chicks either.
Howard said his mom is worried that she's going to lose him to this movie. He said she thinks that he's going to disappear on her or something. Howard said she did the same thing when he was writing his book.
Howard said that his mother is oblivious to the things that happened to him when he was a kid. He said he got beat up daily and his mother had to call the dean of boys. Ray said she doesn't remember making that call. Ray said that Howard is a cry baby. Howard said she'll see what happened to him in this movie.
Ray told Robin that Howard sent her poetry when he was young. Howard said he must have been on LSD. Ray said he was never on LSD. Howard said she can't accept that he was on LSD. He said he was sedated on Quaaludes. Ray said he never did that either. Howard said she'll see the movie and she'll see the truth the way he sees it. Howard said that the director wants to sit down with her and see how she acts. Howard said that Dr. Lou knows about all of this stuff. Howard said Lou saved his life when he was on acid. Ray said that Lou was never on acid and Howard was never on it. Howard said he's not making up that he was on it. He said Lou was never on it. Howard said his mom has a vision of him that's like Mother Teresa. Howard said the reality is that he's a miserable old wretch who is bitter and angry. Howard said he's just being honest about his life.
Howard told his mother that he loves her after calling her an old bag. Howard said whatever she did she did fine. the guys told Howard that they had Dr. Lou on the line. Howard picked up on Lou and Ray thanked him for taking care of him all those years in college. Howard said Lou never did drugs and that's why he was able to save him. Ray said that Howard makes up these stories about himself. Lou said ''He does?'' Lou told Ray that Howard came back to the room one night and he said he had some paper to put under their tongues. He said that he didn't do it but Howard did. He said Howard took the whole thing and it was supposed to be cut up into 16 pieces. Howard took all 16. Lou said they weren't sure what to do for him but Howard described some really strange things that night.
Ray still didn't believe the story. She said that they like to make up stories. Howard said that's fine. She thinks they made up those stories.
Howard said he took acid one more time after that so he could see ''2001 A Space Odyssey.'' Howard said he really has to go. Lou said that Andrea was interested in Howard. Howard said he's out of his mind and she wasn't interested. Howard let both of them go a short time later. Howard said that voice of his mother's is what he hears in his head all the time. That led to Billy West doing his impression of Ray for a couple of minutes. Howard said just wait until his mother sees his movie. Howard said these stories come right out of him about his mother and father.
Pat Cooper Returns. 10/04/06. 7:55am
After the break Howard took a phone call from a guy who was wondering if Pat Cooper was still coming in. Howard said he was coming in and he was in the next room. Gary brought Pat in a short time later. They guessed that he hadn't been on the show since about 1998.
Pat came in with an attitude. He told Howard that he should eat something because he was too thin. He wouldn't sit down and said that he didn't know why he was there today. Pat said he left his hearing aid home and that shows how much respect he has for Howard. He figures he wouldn't have anything worth hearing anyway.
Howard said he was going to try and make sense of their relationship first. He said he always felt, as a fan of Pats, that he was a good guest on the show and there was something in his personality that made him have to blow up anything that was good. He said that he thinks that they had a good relationship for a while but he comes on so strong that he just blows it and it's kind of sad.
Howard said he wasn't going to have Pat on the show because he thinks that he hates him so much. Pat said that's not true and he never mentioned his children like he thought he did. Howard said that Pat did mention his kids and he did say something about how his kids weren't going to love him in the future. Pat said there must have been a reason for him to have said that. Maybe he was doing it comedically or something.
Pat said that he left on his own and wanted to tell him why. He said that he was listening to the show one morning and heard Howard having a debate about Opie and Anthony. He said that Howard is a one of a kind person and he doesn't need to fight with guys like that. He said that when ''Jack Martling'' left the show he figured there was something wrong there. Howard asked how that has anything to do with their relationship. Pat said that he thought that things were going on and it was time for him to back away from the show.
Pat said that's his own bullshit to deal with and he felt that it was time to go on a hiatus. He doesn't remember bad mouthing Howard but Howard insists that he did go out and bad mouth him. Pat said that people never came up to him and said that he bad mouthed Howard, they all liked it when he was on the show and told Howard the way it was.
Howard asked what it was that brought Pat back to the show. Pat said that Gary called him and asked him to do the show. He didn't debate it when he asked but he also didn't know that his agent had called the show asking if they could book him.
Howard said that he was asked if he wanted Pat on the show and he wasn't sure he wanted to have him on because of the way he had bad mouthed him. He said he always enjoyed his company and the help he gave to the show over the years. He wasn't sure he wanted to go through everything with him on the air but then figured that the audience would like to hear it.
Pat told Howard that he is where he wants to be in his career even tough Howard doesn't seem to think he is where he wants to be. He said he's had offers in his career that he's turned down so he could have gone other places but he liked where he was at so he stayed there. He said he makes a good living and enjoys it. He did say that his wife passed away 2 years ago so he lost her. Howard said he heard about that and wanted to send Pat a note about that back then. He said he knew how much Pat loved that woman but he's pretty sure he didn't want to hear from him so he didn't bother writing.
Pat asked Howard if he thinks he'd be there if he didn't like him. Howard said he's not sure about that. Howard asked Pat how long he was married. Pat said he was married for 41 years. Now he's down to one grand child and his daughter. He's also dating now. He said that he knew this woman that he and his wife knew and he's been taking her out. Howard asked him if she's white. Pat said that it doesn't matter what she is but then revealed that she's Italian.
Howard asked Pat if it was strange to date a woman who his wife knew. He said that it wasn't that strange, he got her a room that was separate from his when they went over to Italy for a vacation. He said that he took her out to dinner in Vegas and also took her to Italy. Howard asked if they've been having sex. Pat said that he's still ''wooing'' her and doesn't want to ruin that. He said he doesn't want to live with her at this time. Howard asked him why he doesn't treat him like that. Pat said he's treated him better than he'll ever know.
Pat said that he knows he might be a fuck up but he's never had hate toward Howard at all. Pat said that if he talked about his children, he would be shocked. Howard said he didn't have the tapes lined up but he will have them for the next interview.
Pat said that he can't get a hard on so he can't bang this woman he's seeing. He said that even Viagra can't help him out. He can't even jerk off because of that. He said that he used to be able to bang his wife but after she passed away, it all stopped. He said that just 2 years ago he was able to get an erection. He said he never thought about it being a psychological thing.
Pat said he has had the opportunity to have sex but he's unable to get it up for the woman. Howard figured he has to eat her out but Pat said he doesn't do that. He said that she's only 55 years old so he's 20 years older than her. He said his main concerns about his life are his daughter and grand child at this point. He said that he's turning everything over to his daughter when he passes away.
Howard said Gary had found one of the tapes that they were talking about earlier. He played the clip where Pat talks about how much Howard's kids are going to suffer 10 years down the road. Pat heard it and said that he did say that but didn't defend it. He said that Howard was absolutely right about the clip. Pat and Howard talked about the old days when they did shows with Pat's kids. Howard remembered Pat asking not to talk to his kids on the air anymore back then but Pat didn't seem to remember the same thing.
Howard and Robin asked Pat about this woman he's dating and if he makes out with her. Pat said that he has no sex life and he's not even looking for it. He said he likes to have a lady with him and likes to take her out to dinner. Howard wondered if this is what happens to a guy when he turns 75 years old. He wondered if his father can still get it up.
Howard asked Pat if he has romantic kisses with this woman he's dating. Pat said that he does kiss her but he doesn't feel her up. Howard wondered if he finds her physically attractive. Pat said he does and said that she has the figure of a 20 year old. He said that they don't talk about having sex or anything like that. Pat said that he actually told her that if she wants to bang other guys, he'll drive her there. He said it's none of his business what she does.
Howard asked Pat about taking Viagra and found out that Pat wasn't really doing anything to try and get it up after he took it. Howard said that Pat lives in the past because he's still angry with his mother and his family so that's why he's got this tension that his doctors tell him he has. He said that's what's all piling up on him and making him miserable. Pat said if his penis works one day then it was meant to be.
Howard put the word out to this girlfriend of Pat's who needs to do something for his penis. He said that maybe she needs to use some baby oil on him. Pat said that he's afraid that he's going to lose this friendship with the woman because of these discussions. Howard told him that she'll be fine and maybe even like that they brought up this subject.
Gary came in and told Howard that Pat did the Wrap Up Show a couple of months ago and made a bet with him that if they could come up with a tape of him bad mouthing Howard's kids, he would kiss his balls. Gary said that he's not sure he wants to collect on that bet though.
Howard gave Pat a plug for a comedy gig he's doing at Kingsboro Community College in Brooklyn this weekend. He also took a call from a guy who asked Pat if he's ever tried Cialis instead of Viagra. Pat said he's not that desperate and hasn't tried that one. He said he's been with this woman for just a year now, he's not in any rush.
Another phone caller said he's heard Pat saying good things about him in interviews before. Howard said that he knows that. He took a call from the guys in the back who were playing clips of Crazy Alice trying to get Pat to react to those. Pat couldn't really understand what was being said because he didn't have his hearing aid in. Howard told him not to worry about it because they were just tapes.
Howard told Pat that he was happy that he came in. Pat thought that he was kicking him out but Howard told him he was just finishing up. Howard said he had to move on to Andy Dick who was actually running a little late according to Gary. That led to them talking about the roasts that Pat has done recently. Pat said he's always asked to close these roasts for people like Jerry Lewis. He told Howard about how Paul Shaffer did a 25 minute thing at the roast and it was so boring that he got up and thanked him for doing that because it gave Jerry a chance to take a nap. He said those roasts drive him nuts and that's probably the reason he can't get it up.
Pat also revealed that he doesn't write down any jokes, he just makes it up as he goes along at the roast. He said that they expect him to go a little nuts at these roasts and that's just what he does. He said if they ever put those roasts on HBO he'd be rich.
Pat told Howard that he's very happy to be there today. Howard asked Artie if he believes that Pat doesn't write any jokes for roasts. Artie said he does that sometimes himself. Pat went off on Paul Shaffer again and said that he really drained the crowd that day.
Pat told another story about roasting Richard Pryor and how he asked him why he doesn't just die. He said he didn't mean to hurt the guy and Pryor knew that. He said that Richard came to him after the roast and gave him a hug and thanked him. Howard told Pat that he first got into Pat when he saw him roast Tom Snyder when he was younger. That got him interested in him but Pat said that it was Gary who found him and booked him on the show.
Pat told Howard that his show was about to go into the toilet with Andy Dick coming in next. He said that he saw Andy licking faces on the Shatner roast and he's not in his league. Howard thanked Pat for coming in and wrapped up but Pat was busy asking him why he doesn't eat something because he's too thin. Pat started to walk out but Howard told him to bring his girlfriend in next time he's on. He said he can get him laid if he brings her on the show. Pat left but was still on fire as he was leaving.
Robin said that was another great Pat Cooper appearance. Howard said he wasn't sure how it was going to go. Gary came in and said that Pat may be kind of freaked out by some of the stuff he talked about. Howard said they have to get him in there with his girlfriend. Gary told Howard that Andy Dick was there and he brought his son along with him. Howard went to break a short time later.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:40am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:10am.