|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how chipper he was this morning. He was ill last week but he's better now. He said his mom called him twice in a row last week. He said he missed her call so she called back. Howard said she asked if something was wrong. Howard said he called her back as soon as he got home and told her he was just sick. He said she springs right into mom action when she hears that. Howard said when she hears ''sick'' she gets really into it. He said it gives her an opening to lecture him.
Howard said his mom was asking what was wrong. He said he had a little stomach thing. Howard said she asked if it was his throat. Howard said that's where it started. He said he was so sorry he said he wasn't feeling well. Howard said he told her where it started and where it went. She asked what he thought it meant. Howard said he told her he had a fever and it wasn't anything he ate. Howard said she kept asking how he thought he got it. Howard said he told her he was just laying low and she was still accusatory with her questions. Howard said she wondered why he got the stomach thing so he just told her he took it easy and laid low. She questioned that too.
Howard was doing his impression of his mother through all of this explanation. Howard said when she gets sick there's no discussion. She doesn't want to talk about it. Howard said she has to tell him what he's doing wrong when she finds out he was sick. Howard said he just wasn't feeling well. Howard said she wondered how he got this and she wants answers. He said she's like CSI or Dexter trying to find out what the answers are.
Howard said his mom was worried about him and she wanted to discuss it with him. She wanted to talk about the stressful things that were going on in his life. He said he never did get to a conclusion. Howard said he changed subjects and asked how Dad was doing. He said he asked how she was doing too. She told him that they were doing alright.
Howard said his mom's friend Gail moved away so she's kind of upset about that. Howard said they were really good friends and Gail moved to Baltimore. Howard said he told her that he'd get them into a condo if they want to move out of that house. Howard said she wants to stay there. Howard said his father will never move. He said they fixed up their house and they don't want to leave. He said he should be able to hire an army to go over there and help them out. He said his dad is always working around the house and shoveling snow. He said that he knows they've hired a guy to help but he doesn't come right away so they start working.
Howard said that there was a line in the movie where Liam's character gets cut by a wolf and he jokingly says that he might turn into a werewolf. He said that one of the guys asks if that's possible. Howard said he wouldn't have believed that line if Eric the Midget hadn't believed in that.
Howard said that he didn't get to see that Underworld movie. He said he saw it was number one at the box office. He said that he's not sure if Fred would be able to be a leader in a movie like that. He said that Gary could take on the wolves with those teeth of his. He said that he could growl at the wolves. Fred and Howard goofed on Gary about that for a minute. Howard said they should make a short movie about that for Howard TV. He said everyone would die because no one couple be the leader. Robin said she doesn't know anything about survival. Howard said he kind of knows how to do some stuff but not much. He said he learned that stuff in camp. He said they need matches though. He's not sure how to start a fire.
Howard said he shot those pictures with speed lights. He said that's his new obsession. He has a Nikon SB910 that he shoots with. Robin asked how he sets that up. Howard said he's learning it now. He said the lights are clipped to things and they're cool. He said he had one of those out in the show and one on the top of his camera and those are the pictures he got.
Howard said that he shot about 30 photos and those were the two he put out. Howard asked Robin if she would ever do something like that. Robin said she certainly wouldn't look like that. She said she wouldn't be able to block out the cold. Howard said Beth said she was able to block it out. Howard said he had to get the shot really quick though. He said he was in a winter coat and he was cold. Robin said she liked the white hat against the background in one of the pictures.
Howard said on Twitter you get so many maniacs. He said you always get one asshole who asks why you have to tweet pictures of your wife. He said some people ask for it though. The caller told him not to listen to the haters.
Howard said that Beth started tweeting and after Joe Paterno died she was on. He said that her brother was recruited by Joe Paterno and he was at their house to do it. Howard said when Joe died this weekend Beth tweeted something like ''It seems like it was just yesterday that Coach Paterno was recruiting my brother.'' Howard said one woman wrote to her and asked how she could let a child molester in her home. Howard said Beth came to him and said that this woman was a moron. Howard said this was years ago and no one knew he was covering up a child molestation. He also pointed out that he wasn't a child molester, he allegedly covered up a child molester. Howard said Beth is going to stop tweeting when stuff like that goes on. Howard said that you get involved with idiots when you get on that Twitter.
The caller asked if Howard would be offended if his wife was attracted to a wack packer. Howard said he would be. He jokingly said that she's attracted to Eric the Midget. Howard said he's just kidding. The caller said that his wife is attracted to Sour Shoes. Howard said that's silly.
Howard said he saw that GLAAD gave out some awards and he thinks that they should give him some. He said he's such a supporter and he thinks that they should give him an award but they never will.
Robin asked about the big football game yesterday. Howard said he wasn't able to make it through the game. He said he was tired and he wanted to be healthy for work so he turned it off at 9. Robin said they were tied at that time. Howard said he's not sure what was going on at the time. Howard said he got up and watched the highlights and it was great. He said they have people talking over the announcer in the highlights though and it's annoying.
Robin said her receiver had a problem and she wasn't able to hear what was going on with the announcers. Howard said the new TVs have features like that. Robin said now it won't work right and she can't hear the right audio. She said she has to get up and turn it by hand. Robin said it actually was kind of fun to hear what the players and officials were saying.
Howard said if the Giants win then you can expect to hear this. He played some audio of some Giants fans yelling about how much New England sucks. That was recorded by Sal and Richard a couple of years ago. Howard said he thinks that the Super Bowl should be pretty good. He said he loves the Giants but he's got a soft spot for New England too.
Howard said he woke up this morning hearing about how bad Steven Tyler was singing the National Anthem. Howard said they were saying his voice wasn't all that great so he had to listen to it. Howard said he thought he was good. Howard said the guy isn't singing a rock song and this isn't what he usually sings. Howard said he gets into the high register and does that thing he does when he sings the high stuff. He said it wasn't bad.
Robin asked if it was disrespectful. Howard said no. Howard played the clip and let Robin hear it. Howard said he thought it was going to get bad when he got to the high parts but he even handled that fine. Howard said that it was nothing like Roseanne. Howard said he wasn't doing a Whitney Houston and lip syncing or anything. He was singing live. He was defending the song and Robin seemed to agree with him.
Howard said that article was misleading. He said that Steven was on key and he was singing like Steven Tyler. Howard said it's a shitty song to begin with. Howard said he sang it like a rock star and he's sure a lot of rock guys couldn't do it that good. Howard said he had no music backing him up either. Robins adit that Christine Cheoweth sang the song and she belted it out too. Howard said that's what you're going to get with Steven Tyler.
Robin said that Steven was standing behind Bob Craft at the game and Steven was cut out of the picture because his girlfriend was in the picture instead.
The caller asked if he's going to get into TV when he retires from radio. Howard said he made a decision over the weekend. He said he has 3 years after this year on his radio contract. He said he's 99.9 percent sure that he's getting out of radio after this contract. He said that he's all freaked out. Howard said he was taking a photography lesson with the speed lights and he was using 3 at one time. Howard said the lights make a beeping noise to let you know they're firing. Howard said his teacher, Doug, asked if he heard the beep. Howard said he said ''what beep?'' Howard said that they told him there was a beep going off and he wasn't hearing it. Howard said he didn't hear it at all. He said he had to walk closer and had to get right up to it to hear the beep. He said he's got hearing loss. He said it might be in the higher register but he's losing it. Howard said his parents have some loss too.
Howard said it can't be good that he puts on the headphones really hot so he can hear everything. He said that he thinks that he should get out just because of that.
Robin said she saw a woman in the grocery store the other day and she wasn't able to see the small screen for the credit card. She said she felt bad for that woman. Howard said he was wondering why they don't make the beep of the flash louder. He said that really freaked him out. He said his dad and mom have hearing loss too. He said that freaks him out.
Howard said wearing headphones isn't good for you. Robin said that you see people all the time wearing them. Fred said there is a hearing test he could take. Howard said he didn't want to take it. He doesn't want to know.
The caller said he thinks that he could move into TV after this. Howard said he thinks that it'll be enough Howard Stern by then. He said that Beth did ask him if he'd do an interview show like once a week. Howard said maybe he would. The caller said he has amazing work ethics and he can't imagine him sitting home all the time. Howard said he likes working. He said he likes to have a purpose in life. The caller said he's out of work right now and he's going crazy. Howard thanked the guy for the call and let him go when he started to get into his whole life story.
Howard said he listened to his interview with Roger Waters and he was a fascinating guy. Howard said he got an avalanche of positive email about it. Howard said they got one negative from someone who said he was being put to sleep by the guy. Howard said he forgot to ask Roger about the album Animals. He had Fred play some tracks off that album. He said there are some songs he likes but he wasn't sure which one it was that he liked.
Howard said that he thought that it was Pigs on the Wing that he liked but that wasn't it. Gary said Scott thinks that it's ''Dogs'' that Howard likes. Fred played that one next. Howard said he thought of a bunch of questions he had for Roger when he was in the shower. Howard gave up on trying to figure out which song it was he liked.
Howard read some email about the interview. People were talking about how great it was to hear. The fans were really happy. One guy did say he was being put to sleep. Howard said that guy thought that they should get Seth Rogen back in there.
Howard said someone pointed out that Roger Waters is anti-Israel. Howard said he doesn't know that the guy actually is. He said that he can't tell what he is. Howard said they claim Chris Martin is too but he doesn't know that.
Gary said he read what someone wrote to him on Twitter. He said that the guy asked if it was 1975 and said he was tuning out. Gary said Steve Brandano told him that they never got so many calls for one guest than they did for him last week.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about America's Got Talent and the hot chicks that sit behind Howie. He said he knows Howie does that himself. Howard said he has heard that they do take very attractive people and put them up front behind the judges. Howard said he could put Gary and Eric the Midget behind him. He said that he thinks that TV is really fake and they do that stuff all the time. They say that only 1 percent of the people out there are attractive. Howard said the reason he's so resented is because he's such a meeskite. He said that they look at him and think there's something wrong.
Howard said that he had a discussion with the people from America's Got Talent and they assured him that they'd be able to find an angle that will make him attractive. Howard said they've had to light people before but not like him. He said that he may sit there holding his head still. He said he may have to look sideways. Howard said they gave him a pep talk about the show. He said that they told him there would be long hours but they assured him he'd be fine. Howard said that they do have a lot going on and they have to keep things going so he won't have much down time. Howard said he'll be off to California to judge soon.
Howard said he was reading about how Steven Tyler saved American Idol. Howard said he doesn't appear to be doing much though. Howard said he should be able to do that for America's Got Talent.
Robin said that Steven brought in the funny. She said you never know what he's going to do. Howard said he's not sure what he's going to be doing either.
Howard said Fred is a brilliant guy. Bobo said that Scott was saying that Fred isn't logical. Scott said he's getting that wrong. He said that he thinks Fred is intelligent. He said that he's not saying he's stupid. He said he's just saying that he might not be Einstein. Howard asked Scott what his IQ is. Scott said he's 122 or so. He said he thinks Fred would be around the same. He's not saying that he's stupid.
Howard had the audio of what Scott said. He played the clip and Scott was going through people talking about who was intelligent and not so intelligent. Scott said that Robin is kind of average. That led to a discussion about Robin. Robin wasn't too happy with that comment. Howard said Robin is very bright and she might be the smartest out of all of them. Robin said she doesn't believe that. Howard said he bets that she'd be higher than Will Murray. Robin said she's not sure about that. Robin said she's lost her ability to do math. She said she used to be much better at it.
Scott was talking about Fred being not so logical and he's not the genius that they think he is. Fred said that he makes these bold statements and he's not able to back them up. Howard said that Scott failed at Showbiz pizza. Scott said he actually excelled there. Howard played the theme song from Showbiz Pizza and wrapped up the discussion. Howard said Bobo had enough air time today. He said he had a lot to get to and he had to take a break.
Howard said he has known Mitch for many years. He said he's done very well for himself. Howard said Jessica is a hot chick. He said that their show is fascinating to him. He said they live the swinging lifestyle.
Mitch said that he's allowed to be with other girls but she hasn't been with any men yet. Mitch said he thinks that he will enjoy it because he's thought about it before and he has gotten turned on thinking about it.
Howard asked Jessica how she met Mitch. Jessica said she used to be a stripper but that's not how they met. Jessica was married to another guy who Mitch called a dead beat. He said she supported that guy for years.
Mitch said he met Jessica when he was doing a show in Texas. He said that her husband had walked out on her a few days before with a girl who they were having sex with. Howard asked Jessica if that's something she has to have. Jessica said she does like girls and she wouldn't ban that from the relationship. Howard said that's great but you have to watch her with another guy some day. Mitch said that she's being kind about it and waiting until he's ready.
Howard asked Jessica if Mitch is going to watch and join in. Jessica said she does want him involved. She said that you can't really plan it all out. She said it never turns out the way you plan. She said she wants two guys at once. She said that they could have another girl and they could switch around and stuff.
Mitch said they've had other guys in the room and he's not able to get hard. He said that he isn't that big and he's seen guys with big ones. Howard asked if a guy came in with a big, thick penis then what would he do.
Mitch said they tried it once in a group sex thing and he wasn't able to get hard until she went down on him. He said that he wasn't sure how long it was going to last though so he announced it to the room.
Jessica and Mitch talked about going to a group sex thing and how he was getting all lovey with her. Jessica said that he did a great job with two women. Jessica said that they had a hot tub and she's always the first one to get naked at a party. She said she striped down and this other girl was there so they all go into the hot tub. Mitch said he's heard stories about guys who weren't able to do threesome's. Jessica said that it can be intimidating.
Howard asked Jessica if they were putting on a show for Mitch. Mitch said he had a picture from that night. He had Jessica and the other girl, Heather, in bed together. Howard took a look and said he never would have imagined this kind of lifestyle when he was an intern there.
Howard asked Mitch if he's so obsessed with sex that it's drawing him into the dark side. Mitch said it was at first but then said that it's really not like that. He said that they've only done this like 5 times in two years. Howard asked if they've had repeat situations. They said that Heather is one that they've done it a few times with. Mitch said Heather is Jessica's best friend.
Howard asked how many times they can have sex. Mitch said it can be two or three times a day. Jessica said that she likes sex and Mitch is obsessed so it's a good match. Howard said that he can't imagine doing it two or three times a day.
Howard asked Mitch if he has thought about seeing a psychiatrist. He said that it's almost a frenzy. Mitch said he has quit masturbating and watching porno. He said his material is better than ever and he doesn't need to do it to get chicks. He said that they weren't looking for relationships when they met but over time it became what it was.
Howard said this sounds wonderful. He said he hopes it doesn't go wrong. He asked when they do the sex thing. Mitch said he doesn't like morning sex. Jessica said that he likes it when she's all sweaty after working out. Mitch said he wants her to be stinky and sticky. He said he loves going down on her when she's stinky. Jessica said she needs him to take a shower first. She said she's not into stinky balls. She said that she thinks it's nice to freshen up. She just wants it to be a courtesy.
Mitch told Howard that Jessica has rules about the sex he has with other women. He said she has to be in the same room. She doesn't want him showing any emotion though. He can't cuddle with them. Mitch said that she will get jealous about some stuff he does on Facebook and things like that. Howard said maybe he should leave it up to Jessica to pick the women. Mitch said that's where it is now. He said that he thought that he could have a free for all but it's not like that. Jessica said that he was like a kid in a candy store and he wanted to fuck everyone. She said they can't do that though.
Howard said that it's considered a gift when she brings a girl into the bedroom. Mitch said he's been yelled at a lot. Howard said he has to wash his balls and let Jessica pick the girls.
Howard asked about the 2-3 times a day sex thing. Mitch said they have dinner time sex and bed time sex. Jessica said she's 30 and she needs it every day. She said that she doesn't like vibrators or anything. She needs to have sex. Howard said he's not sure that he could deliver that many times a day. Jessica said Mitch is packed with testosterone.
Howard asked Mitch how long he lasts. Jessica said he can go for an hour. Mitch said if he has a condom on then he can go and go. He said he can't finish with a condom on.
Mitch said they went to Thailand and he lasted for 2 hours with a hooker over there. He said that Jessica yelled at him for holding out with the chick. Jessica said he's not supposed to hold out for them. Jessica said that she didn't do anything to the hooker but the other chick went down on her for hours. She said that they have video of that. Howard asked where that's at. Jessica said they didn't bring that video today.
Mitch said he tapes sex every time but he had to throw out everything he did before he was with her. He had a whole collection that he had to throw out when he met her. Jessica said it was creepy.
Howard asked where they pick up girls. Mitch said they get them at strip clubs. Mitch said that the girls will get cuddly with her and then they ask them to come home with them.
Howard said it sounds like going fishing. Jessica said it is and you don't always catch something. Howard said they must be freaked out going to someone's home that they don't know. Mitch said they have seen him on TV so they know him. They're not completely freaked out.
Mitch said they have people who hear their radio show and they ask to be part of the situation. Mitch said they met one woman through the show and he was the camera man while Jessica was doing stuff to the woman while her boyfriend was doing stuff to her too.
Jessica said that swinging is a lifestyle and it can be fun. Mitch said he thinks this is why it works. He said they don't cheat, they do it together. Mitch said he's 100 percent faithful and 100 percent honest now. He said that they weren't so honest with each other until they realized they were in love and wanted to marry. Mitch said they eventually told each other what they had done and started over.
Howard asked about this woman they met through the radio show. Mitch said that the guy was hard right away. He said he's never had that himself. Jessica said that the guy wasn't someone she was attracted to. She said that Mitch wasn't all that into it either.
Robin wondered how Mitch would have been involved with this group. Howard said it's a complicated situation. He said that he's not sure how Mitch is going to handle her getting fucked. Jessica said she thinks that he will be fine and he'll push that envelope. She said that he has the opening to say that he can't do it and if that's the case then that's fine too. She said that she may feel that it's unfair so they'll have to see.
Gary came in and asked what would happen if the dude reached over and wanted to touch his dick. Mitch said they did have a situation once. He said that Jess has no desire to see that going on. Mitch said that he was walking around with his erection and this guy in the group sex was too close to him so Jessica got upset and had him move.
Gary said he's fascinated by this. He said he doesn't understand all of this. Howard said Jessica is very attractive and she's having sex 3 times a day. He said he can't imagine wanting another woman. He asked what she does to keep it going with him. Jessica said she danced for a long time and she misses that feeling of being adored. She said she misses that and Mitch is the perfect pervert so she has all of this stripper fun with him. She said that she has outfits she wears and Mitch will buy more for her. She said they even have a VIP chair that he can sit in at home.
Mitch said he had Heather and Jess over once and he figured he'd try to touch Heather. He said that he wasn't sure if he could do it. He said he and Heather started fucking really hard and Heather was moaning so Jessica woke up and just started masturbating. He said that Jessica loves it and she gets so turned on that she gets into it.
Howard said they should not have kids. Jessica said she's never wanted to have kids. She said they have a dog and that's it. Howard asked if Mitch is into the kid thing. Mitch said he doesn't want to screw things up. He said he enjoys going around the world and getting women all over.
Howard said you can listen to Mitch and Jessica tonight on Howard 101 with their show ''Sex And Swinging.'' Howard said he can't believe that their intern is into this. Mitch said you can find out more at Facebook.com/SexAndSwinging.
Howard asked Fred if he could do something like this. Fred said he could never do what Mitch is doing. He said he thinks that he may have some bi-sexual stuff going on too.
Howard asked Benjy what he thinks. Benjy said he thinks that it's kind of healthy but he couldn't handle the other guy thing. Howard said he would be bothered too. He said he loves the fact that he's the only guy who gets that level of intimacy with Beth.
Howard said it all sounds good to him. He said it does sound fun. Howard said ''Lets all fuck!'' Mitch said he couldn't get hard. Howard said he can film then.
Howard gave Mitch some plugs for his upcoming comedy shows and for his web site MitchFatel.com or the Facebook page. Howard said he wants to hear sometime about Jessica's seduction techniques. Mitch said they will make videos. Howard said if you want to see some pictures you can see them on Twitter @SternShow. Howard said that was enough of the sex. He went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Chelsea Handler come in. Howard said she's sold 3 books and her fourth one came out just recently. Chelsea said that it actually came out a year ago. Chelsea told Howard these hours are brutal. Howard said they are but he's only doing it 3 days a week now.
Howard asked Chelsea about the books she wrote and if they were best sellers. Chelsea said they were all best sellers. Howard said he read that she got a $6.5 million advance. Chelsea said that's just not right. She said that she didn't get that kind of money.
Howard said the first time he heard of Chelsea was on E!. She said that's because he was friends with Ted Harbert. Howard said that he doesn't like Ted. He thinks he's a phony. Howard said he heard people saying that Ted gave her the job because she was dating him at the time. Chelsea said she ended up breaking up with him. She said they do stay in touch but she wouldn't say they're friends.
Chelsea told Howard that Ted is a very silly guy and he tries very hard. She said that she was in love with him at some time though. Howard asked about him being her boss. She said that he was kind of after her when he left his wife. She said that she found him to be very smart and he knew a lot about TV but then she moved in and she wanted to kill the guy. She said it's very hard to live with someone else. She said she lives with her brother and his girlfriend right now. She said she likes having people in her house but not in her room all the time. She said she likes her freedom.
Howard asked what she can do that a guy can hold her back from doing. She joked that it was masturbation but she said that was just a joke and she rarely masturbates now. She said that she used to d that a lot when she was younger. Chelsea said that it was a great sensation. She said that she thought of masturbating as a waste of time. She said that she eventually just wanted to have sex with guys instead.
Howard asked Chelsea about some of the stuff she's written about in her book. He said he has written stuff that he regretted. Chelsea said she just wants to be honest. Howard said that it can all come back and bite you in the ass.
Howard asked Chelsea where she grew up. She said she grew up in Livingston, New Jersey. Howard asked if she always had a boyfriend. She said she would take long breaks between boyfriends. Chelsea said she broke up with Ted and she hadn't been drinking for a while. She said that she wondered why she was doing that and she just saw how things were and got out. She said that she won't drink if she's working on her TV show. She said she won't drink Monday through Wednesday but she'll drink on the weekends. Howard asked if she drinks a couple of drinks a night. She said she does but she doesn't think it's a problem.
Howard said it seems to him that she wants to be healthy and be in shape but she drinks and doesn't seem to care about calories. Howard asked if she cares about her appearance. Chelsea said she does. She said she's not running around and falling down at clubs like some girls are. She said that she is more civilized. She said she works out every day and she drinks when she wants to drink.
Howard asked Chelsea about some of her friends and if she worries about how she can't be honest about those people. He said it must be tough walking into a room and worrying about someone calling her out for making fun of them. Chelsea said that can be a problem but she doesn't worry about it. She said if you're taking her seriously then you don't get it. She said this is comedy.
Howard asked Chelsea about getting into a fight with Nick Cannon on Twitter. Chelsea said he had said he was going out on a comedy tour so she tweeted out ''Who's doing the comedy'' and he got all upset about it. She said that she just made the one comment and he was the one who was fighting her. Howard said he thinks that line is great but she must not even know his comedy. Chelsea said anyone who is married to Mariah Carey can't have a good sense of humor. She said she'd like to know what kind of person operates like she does. She said that she's so ridiculous with her body. She said that she's not sure what Mariah is doing. She said there's nothing real about her.
Howard asked Chelsea if she's getting dragged out to parties and stuff and not being grounded like she used to be. Chelsea asked if he is. Howard said he's so damaged he will never fit in. He said that he wouldn't feel he fit in even if he was knighted by Queen Elizabeth.
Chelsea said that there are people she thinks are fake and she won't be friends with them. She said she has no problem telling them that either.
Howard asked Chelsea what she wanted to be when she was growing up. She said she just wanted people to hear what she had to say. She said she didn't want to be a comedian. She said that she did end up doing that though. Howard asked if she was good at it. Chelsea said she got good at it. She said she had a rough patch for like a year when she would bomb every time. She said that she had to drink a lot to get on stage. She said that she would get drunk before going up there.
Chelsea said she wanted to be able to express her opinions without anyone censoring her. She said that she was going out and auditioning to be an actress but that didn't work out. She said that people were just thinner and better looking. Howard asked if she thought she wasn't really a performer. She said that's what she thought because she was working as a waitress and she'd get fired from all of those jobs. She said she would go off on people and she'd get fired.
Chelsea talked about how sensitive she is to tipping now that she knows what it's like to work like that. Chelsea said she had a group that had an $800 bill and the guy tipped her 10 bucks. She went up to the group and told them what he had done and she got fired for doing it. Howard said he will make sure to give a good tip and make sure that the waitress gets it. Howard said he feels that he has to leave a 50 percent tip. He said he doesn't want the person to think he's cheap. Chelsea said she wants people to know she's a good tipper so she can go back there and they'll know she's a good customer. She also said that she pays the bill a lot because she makes more than a lot of her friends do.
Howard asked Chelsea if being famous was really important to her. She said it was. Howard asked if her family would have been let down if she didn't make it. She said that it was more important to her than anyone. She said that high school was tough and she got a lot of stuff from kids. She said that being famous was her motivation after she got out of high school. She said that she got that and a girl who picked on her in school showed up to one of her shows. She said she really didn't care about that stuff by then though. Howard said he had a guy who was a douche to him in school come up to him recently and he thought the had a lot in common. Howard said he had to be kidding him because they never even spoke to each other in school. He said he feels kind of sorry for the guy now that he thinks about it.
Howard asked Chelsea about why she's not more famous than she is. She said that she's not sure but she does get to go to great restaurants and stuff. She said that they treat her well where she goes but she has no papparazzi following her. She said that it's kind of cool to be under the radar. Howard said that some people go out of their way to be in the spotlight. Chelsea said that people like the Kardashians and Denise Richards try to find it. She said that there's also a lot of fake stories in the tabloids. She said that it's not real stuff.
Howard and Chelsea talked about Jennifer Aniston for a short time. Howard said that Jennifer Aniston has a great ass. He saw her at a Paul McCartney concert and he saw this great ass in the audience and it turned out to be Jennifer. Howard said he doesn't see her as sexual but that night there was something going on.
Howard asked Chelsea about her relationships with men. She said that a lot of men are intimidated by her. She said that she loves men and being with men. She said she's not a cheater either. She dated 50 Cent. Howard asked how he is. She said that he's very sweet and he has great energy and he's like a big, black Teddy Bear. She said she's had a thing for black guys and it must run in the family because her dad is into black women.
Howard asked Chelsea if it's more exciting to be with a famous guy than with a businessman. He said there is something exciting in that. Chelsea said she tries not to date other celebrities. She said that everyone is such a mess and it's not a real thing. She said that she and 50 Cent dated for a few months and then things just fell apart. Howard asked if there were a lot of black people at his house. She said there were. She said that he wasn't into smoking pot or doing anything like that. She said that's what she likes to do. Howard said he isn't able to do that himself. He said he had to kind of give up drinking too. He said he didn't want to get into that since it's a long explanation and he didn't want to take away from her interview. Howard said he has cut it down to one or two drinks now.
Howard asked Chelsea about 50 Cent. She said that she would smoke pot around him but he didn't do it. She said he's got no interest in it. Howard asked if she notices that he's black and she's white all the time. Chelsea said you can't avoid it. She said that she likes guys who are very masculine and that's what 50 Cent was like.
Howard asked Chelsea about Ted Harbert and why things went wrong there. She said that things had just run their course. She said it may have been her side that ran its course.
Chelsea told Howard that she doesn't really get worked up when she isn't dating men so she doesn't use a vibrator. Howard asked if she'll shave down for guys. She said she has had laser hair removal. She said there is still something there but it's not much. She said that she likes it to be clean and hairless though. Howard asked if she will go to a strip club with guys. She said she has done that kind of thing. She said she has had sexual things with women but she's never really gone down on any.
Howard asked if she has ever had two guys on her. She said she hasn't. She said she had 50 Cent and that was as close as she'll get.
Howard asked what the falling out was with 50 Cent. Chelsea said that one of his ex-girlfriends was coming on her show and he was dating her previous to her. She said he sent her flowers after he was on her show. She said that he was sending ridiculous amounts of flowers. Then he started to call the office. She said she got on the phone and he was very grammatically incorrect. She said you should have seen the texts he sent to her. Howard said he has that problem too. He said he's not very good at that so Beth will correct him. He said you want to look good to a woman when you text and it's tough if you don't know.
Chelsea said she eventually picked up the phone on 50 Cent and he said he wanted to take her out. She said that he was very sweet and she figured he wasn't carrying a gun right then. Chelsea said that 50 asked to meet her in Nashville where she was doing as how. She met him there and they had sex. She said it was pretty normal stuff. Howard asked if there was anal. She said there was nothing like that going on.
Chelsea told Howard that 50 wanted to go on vacation with her and her family. She said that he was coming to a lot of her shows and stuff. She said this girl Ciara was coming on her show and he called her to tell her some stuff about her. Chelsea told him that this was like 8th grade shit that he was talking to her about when he told her about what had gone on. She said that she didn't want to hear it so she told him to knock it off. She said that she said something to him about being a street person or a gangster and she hasn't spoken to him since. She said that he was so insulted that they never spoke again. She said that it was the worst thing she could have said to a black man next to the N-word. Chelsea said he was supposed to go on vacation with her but he didn't even show up. She said that he didn't come to Anguilla and that's probably good because he couldn't swim. She said that it was never going to be a long term relationship anyway.
Howard asked Chelsea about her TV show on E!. She said that she had an audience there and she wanted something else but then she thought about how she had to keep it going. Robin said she could take the show in a different direction if he wanted. Howard said that if she has a good thing going she should just keep it going. Chelsea said that she was told that she should keep it going by a good friend that works for MTV.
Howard asked Chelsea about her sitcom and if she's writing that. She said she's not. She said that she has another show on E! too. She said that they have other writers for her sitcom but she comes in and punches it up. She said that she works the three shows on different days and it's not that bad. She said it's like going to work every day but just at different places.
Chelsea told Howard that she improvises a lot of lines in her sitcom and she is very frustrating to work with. Howard said he tried to do that in his movie and they made him stick to the script. Chelsea said even if the sitcom doesn't work out she's got two other shows to fall back on. She said she's not worried. Howard said that she must have been scary in the beginning. Chelsea said that the sitcom is getting better and you'll see that if you watch. The show is called ''Are You There, Chelsea.'' Howard gave her some plugs for that and for her other E! shows she has ''After Lately'' and ''Chelsea Lately.''
Howard asked if other comics are nice to her. She said they are to her face. She said she hears things that other comics are saying about her. She said she hears that they say they can't believes that she has a career. She said that she's a girl's girl and she's a big proponent of giving other women jobs. Howard asked if she's bothered by Joan Rivers talking about her. She said that Joan has said some stuff about her and she just says fuck off to her. Chelsea said that she got jealous of a friend who got signed to a deal and she didn't think it was right. She said that her sister told her it was okay to feel that way but just don't act on it.
Howard asked Chelsea if she ever auditioned for Saturday Night Live. She said she doesn't do characters so she wouldn't want to do that. She also doesn't like to prepare for things so she just wings it.
Gary came in and asked about how Chelsea had called the cops about child molestation to get him out of the house. Howard said that was just a joke. Chelsea confirmed it was just a joke.
Howard asked Chelsea about her books being on the best seller list and how many she had to sell. She said you don't have to sell a lot, you just have to sell more than anyone else sold that week. Chelsea said that you can time it right so you're the one that pops.
Howard said he thinks they've talked long enough. He said he has a lot of people on the phone. He wasn't sure if he should take any. He took one from King of All Blacks who said he always fantasizes about Chelsea's feet. She showed them to Howard. Howard said they are attractive. Howard skied if people get freaky with them. Chelsea said she did date a guy who sucked on her toes all the time. Howard said he doesn't see her swallowing a man's load. She said she's glad that's not out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard to get this cunt off the radio. He said she was being racist saying 50 Cent can't swim. Chelsea said that was actually true, she wasn't being racist.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if she got spanked as a child. Howard asked if any men have put her over their knee and spanked her. She said that's just stupid and she wouldn't do that.
Howard asked Chelsea if she's tried ecstasy. She said that she has tried it. She said that she likes it too. She's put in a really affectionate mood when she's on it.
Gary came in and said that Nick Cannon is tweeting about Chelsea. He was saying that he doesn't have time for this because he's just trying to live. Howard said that he has to bring her on America's Got Talent so the two of them can make up. Howard said he thinks that Chelsea is terrific and he will watch her show. He gave her some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he should get to Jon Hein but he has a lot of other things he wanted to get to. He had a porno clop that someone sent to JD. Howard played the clip and it's a guy who was making too much noise in this porn movie. Howard said he's not sure what this guy is doing. He said no guy does that. Howard said he couldn't beat off to that.
Howard said he had a clip of a new boxing analyst on Showtime. He said the video is great but he's not sure about the audio. He played the clip and said the guy was like a deer caught in the headlights. In the clip this guy Chuck was asked what he would be doing on the broadcast tonight. He said he'd be bringing people inside the mind of a judge and then just stopped. Howard said he's an old guy who was just staring into the camera. He said it was wild.
Howard said there's this guy, Pastor Manning, who yelled about Obama being a Long Legged Mack Daddy. Howard said this guy has a theory about Newt Gingrich too. He played some audio of him talking about Newt and said he thinks that he's so erratic because maybe his daddy was a black man. Manning said that his name is Newton Leroy and no one names their children Leroy except black people. Pastor Manning was saying that he has to be black. Howard said Leroy Neiman is a white guy so his logic is flawed.
Howard said Sal called a pizzeria and pretended to have Alzheimer's. Howard played that call and Sal was saying he forgot who he was calling. The shop owner asked where the fuck he was calling from and hung up. Sal called back and tried again but the guy hung up on him again.
Howard said he read that they say that people who get lung cancer often keep smoking. Howard said he'd start smoking if he had lung cancer.
Howard said Gary went to see Lisa Lampanelli the other night and he quoted a line she said. He said that she said ''Most girls have surgery to turn themselves into eye candy and Chaz Bono used surgery to turn himself into John Candy.'' Howard said he thought that was pretty great.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he just signed up for Howard TV. He said he loves the programming. He said Howard and Robin look good but Fred looks horrendous. He asked what Fred is doing. Howard asked Fred what's going on. Fred said that he has a bad gene pool. He apologized to the viewer. He was being sarcastic but the caller thought he was really apologizing. Howard said they've all gotten worn in the face. The caller said that Fred seems to be aging 3 times as fast as the rest of the crew.
Robin said that Howard's skin looks lovely. Howard sounded shocked. Robin said his skin really does look beautiful. Howard said he isn't doing anything. He said he likes the new Robin and he doesn't feel that he's being emasculated at all. Howard returned the favor and said Robin has nice cans.
Howard said he has to meet with the NBC executives. He said that they're coming in waves though. He has to meet in separate meetings. Howard said he has some camera work to do on Thursday but he's not sure if he's supposed to talk about that. He said he's very busy. Howard said his secret is that he's using Fred's semen as a moisturizer. Howard said Fred should do that to his own face.
Another caller said he liked when Chelsea called Gary out on just interrupting the interview. Howard said that he doesn't mind it but that wouldn't happen on another show. Howard said it didn't really work this time but it has in the past.
Howard had Robin start her news after that. Robin started off with a story about Tracy Morgan collapsing at an awards ceremony at the Sundance Film Festival. Robin said that some people said he may have been inebriated. Robin said he had a kidney transplant in the past year. Howard said there's no time when Tracy doesn't act irrationally. Robin said he was unconscious after the collapse. They say that it may have had to do with exhaustion and altitude. Robin said they say that he's seeking medical attention.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she thought about Howard and Beth having crazy sex in the snow after seeing her pictures. She said that she would like to be involved with that. Mariann asked if she could read him her poem. She just started reading it and Howard cut her off in the middle of it.
Robin asked Howard if he remembers the name John Bolaris. Howard said he's his personal weather man. Howard said he's met him a few times through Booker. Howard said John did an interview with Playboy and he mentioned something that got hi fired. Howard said he mentioned that he was somewhere that he was approached by two women and something happened. Robin said that it turns out that his credit card had been charged almost $45,000 over the course of two nights. Robin said that he was involved in some investigation with the Russian Mafia. Robin said he was fired for being loose with his language in the article. Howard said that's not right. Howard said he didn't know what the whole story was. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the break, around 9:40am, Howard came back and took a call from Jeff the Drunk. Jeff said he knows that it's said a lot but he had to change his tune about Chelsea. He said that he liked hearing that she got a DWI. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said that made Jeff a fan. Howard said some people are turned off to that but not Jeff the Drunk.
Howard asked Robin what else she had in the news. Robin said she looked up what John Bolaris made and all he said was that he might get laid. Gary said Jason looked up some stuff about John and they say that they asked him not to do that interview before he did it.
Robin read a story about this new show coming out called Bayou Billionaires. Robin said they're getting six figures for living over a natural gas supply.
Howard said he was reading the new issue of rolling stone and they have a great cover story about David Bowie. Howard said that he hasn't been around in a while so he's been kind of reclusive lately. Howard said that David was originally known as Davy Jones and he changed it because the guy in the Monkees was named Davy Jones. Howard said he picked the name Bowie because it was like a knife and he thought Mick Jagger's name was kind of ''dagger'' like.
Howard played one of Richard's Dad's messages to Richard about his hearing problems and how he thinks it's from his drumming and not from his shotgun shooting. Howard said that Richard's dad sounds like the kind of guy that would be on that Bayou Billionaires show. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read some news about Newt Gingrich and his ex-wives. Robin said that he guy runs on morals but he leaves his wives when they get sick. Robin said he's coming off as a hypocrite. Howard said that Bill Clinton was a great president but as a husband he was a disaster. Howard said that it does say something about a man's character when he leaves his wife like Newt did. He said he still thinks he's going to get the nomination. Robin said something must have gone terribly wrong down in South Carolina. Howard said he got up and spoke and he's an excellent speaker. Howard said he's able to get up and talk in a natural way. Mitt Romney speaks like a robot. Kind of wooden. Howard said Newt speaks in a ''just folks'' kind of way. He said that he was able to get cheers even when he avoids answering questions. Howard spent a minute talking about how crazy the voters seem to be. He said it's a free for all out there and it's going to help Obama and ruin the republican nominee. Robin had some audio of Newt Gingrich making a speech. She had some other people commenting on the primary and on Gingrich's win. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who said he and John Bolaris are best friends now. Howard said when you sink then High Pitch Eric is there to help you out. Eric said that he spoke to John last week and he couldn't believe that FOX fired him. Howard asked why he has such a thing for weathermen. He said that he's had regular conversations with them. Eric said he wanted to be a meteorologist since he was a kid. Howard asked who his favorite is. He said it's Shay Ryan from FOX 5 news in New York City. He said he's not in touch with her yet though. Eric said John asked him to ask all the Stern Fans for support. He said he's trying to find a job somewhere else and maybe in New York.
Eric also asked if he heard his interviews. Howard said he did and he will play them. Howard said Eric went out on his own and did some interviews and he's never heard anyone worse than Eric with a microphone. Howard said Eric forgets to put the mic up to the people. Howard said he had some of those to play. Howard played one of the interviews and Eric's mic sounded bad. Howard had to cut it off. Eric said he was at the boat show doing the interviews. Howard gave up and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read about the cruise ship disaster in Italy and how the death toll is up to 12. Robin said that they're offering survivors discounts on future cruises. Not free, discounted tickets. Robin said they're offering a full refund for that cruise and a 30 percent discount on future cruises. Howard said it should be a free cruise. He said no one is going to want to go on a cruise after that.
Robin had some more news about Mitt Romney and some audio of someone commenting about him. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Gabrielle Giffords coming out and announcing she's stepping down. Howard said he feels so bad for that woman. He had the audio of her making her announcement. Howard said they were drowning her out with that music. Robin had Howard play a couple of clips from that announcement. Howard said what this guy did to this woman is so wrong. Howard said this fucking asshole killed a bunch of people too. Robin said one of them was a 9 year old girl. Howard said they should put him on trial and just shoot him. Howard said it's so fucked up. He said they said he has emotional problems but they need to put him on trial. He said we need someone like Dexter to take care of guys like that.
Howard said he just finished season 5 of Dexter and it's fabulous. He said he's started season 1 of Breaking Bad too. Robin said he's going to love that.
Robin had some news about the Chinese new year and how it's the year of the dragon. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about Feng Shui and how water is part of the new year too.
Robin read about the Super Bowl and how it will be the Patriots and Giants playing this year. Robin said that they say that it should bring in a lot of money. She had some audio of someone talking about the betting that will be going on with the game.
Robin read about coach Joe Paterno dying over the weekend. Robin said that he had been head coach at Penn State since 1966. Robin said that he was fired on November 9th after the child sex abuse case came out with Jerry Sandusky.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Joe Paterno is on the front page of his newspapers and it stole his father's thunder today. He said his father is more revered than Joe Paterno. The caller said he has a child and if he witnessed something going on with him and didn't say anything... Howard said that there is great shame with this case and he thinks that this ended his life. Howard said that Joe was revered and looked up to for many years and he was a disgrace in the end. Howard said when he found out his assistant coach was a fucknut he sat back and let it happen. Howard said that he made a horrible decision that none of us can understand. Howard said Joe is a well known guy so of course he's going to be on the cover of the paper. Howard said he thinks that he died in shame and rightly so. Howard said you never know how you're going to react in a situation but he'd like to think that he'd do the right thing and go to the police. Howard said these guys were working together every day. He doesn't understand how you sit there with the guy after that. Robin had some audio of some people talking about Paterno.
Robin read about Heidi Klum and Seal breaking up. Howard said he was shocked by that. He said he thought they were really happily married. Robin said it's 8 months after their latest marriage vow renewal. Howard said he's not sure what happened but he's sure it'll come out. He said that guy Seal doesn't seem to work. Robin said he does tour. Robin said she was dragged to one of his concerts. She said that he sings his hits and does some covers. Howard said that Heidi is rumored to make $25 million a year. Howard said she's some catch. Robin said that they're saying they're not divorcing and they may seek some help. Howard said when she married the very dark skinned man the papers loved it. Howard said people love to see how black he is and how white she is. Howard said he's never seen so many pictures of a person all of a sudden.
Robin read about Mark Wahlberg getting into some trouble after he was on their show. Robin said he was asked about 9/11 and what he would have done on the plane. He was saying that it would have went down a lot differently if he was on the plane. Robin said he got a lot of negative feedback. Howard said the reason he got that is because people like to fantasize about what they would have done. Howard said no one would have believed that they would kill themselves too. Howard said there are people who did fight the hijackers. Robin said that plane went down. Howard said there were brave people out there. He said when Mark says something like that you don't know what would have happened. Howard said that he did change his plans at the last minute so he could have been on one. Howard said Mark has apologized for what he said. He knows it was a dumb thing to say.
Robin read about the pro-life and pro-choice people are going to be out celebrating or protesting the Roe V. Wade decision. It's the 40th anniversary of the decision. Howard said that it's legal and they should get over it.
Robin said that Rick Santorum thinks that contraception is wrong. Howard said that there are dumb people out there. Howard said there are people around the world starving because we have too many people. He said that there's a lunatic fringe out there of people and he has to become president to march them into the ocean.
Robin read about the movie ''Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close.'' She had some audio of Tom Hanks talking about the movie. They ended the show after that. It was about 10:25am.
Jon talked about Fred and Scott going at it a little bit today. Fred shot back at Scott later in the show and some of the guys think that's because of what Scott said about his intelligence. Benjy said that Fred has a good physique and that doesn't come across on TV. Gary said people tell him that he's gotten old very quickly but that's what happens if you don't see someone for 20 years. Gary said that they have a lot of rock stars up there and they all dye their hair black. He said they call that the Joey Ramone black.
Jon asked Benjy about dying his hair. Benjy said he does do a little bit. He said that he's looking for an organic thing to dye his hair with. Gary said his new look is kind of working for him. He said he's not going too far with the hair color.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he lives in Delaware and he's kind of embarrassed that he shares that with Scott DePace. He said that he knows guys like Scott who believe the way they think is the best way to think and they think that everyone else isn't bright based on the way they think about politics. Gary said he thinks that Howard does that sometimes. Benjy said Scott said that Fred is intelligent but he might be being overblown as a genius. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Jon and Gary talked about Chelsea's stories about being a waitress and some of the stuff she was saying. Gary said that leaving a $10 tip on an $800 bill is the worst thing you can do. Gary said he has been out to dinner with Howard before and he paid for dinner but Howard wanted to leave the tip because he wanted to make sure that the person wouldn't have anything bad to say about him. Gary said he tips 20 percent or more when he leaves a tip. He said he'd never leave anything less than 20 percent.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Chelsea wears a wedding ring on her show and it pissed him off to find out she's not married. He said that when a woman is sexy and hot like that and she's wearing a ring to push off men, it pisses him off. Gary said he thinks his call is all over the place.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they were talking about the waitresses and how they have to pay 8 percent on the bill no matter what. Gary said she was saying she has to pay tax on the bill. The caller said he thinks she didn't explain it correctly and they have to pay on anything that's not cash. He said that's what the 8 percent was. Gary said he doesn't know who would pay 8 percent or less.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about her story about dating 50 Cent. Gary said it sounds like she went out with him as a goof but then she actually liked him.
Jon said that Chelsea flies under the radar as far as the tabloids. Gary said he thinks that's because she puts it all out there herself to begin with. Gary said that Howard does the same thing but he gets followed. He isn't followed like Jennifer Aniston is though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves to hate Gary and he'd like to know why he thinks he's a know it all when it comes to sports when he sucks at sports. Gary said that he was just trying to help out with the show today when he brought in stuff to Howard about Chelsea. He said that he didn't read her book so he wasn't sure if it was a joke or not. He said he's just trying to feed into the interview.
Jon asked Gary how it was going in there today. Gary said Chelsea was staring him down like he was Gary the Retard. He said he didn't know that the line was a joke because he didn't read the book. They went to break a short time later.
Benjy said that Jessica was saying that she'd be fine having a regular relationship. That led to the guys asking JD if he could handle another guy in bed. JD said no way. Gary asked if he could do it if it was Katrina Bowden. JD said no way to that too. He said that he could have done that at Hedonism but he doesn't want any other penises in the room. He said if it's other girls in the room then he's fine.
Benjy asked if he could do it if the guy was just watching. JD said he doesn't want to be watched and analyzed.
Gary asked Benjy if he's been with a chick where a dude was in the room watching. Benjy said he has but only when that was the only way it was going to happen. He said if Elisa wanted to do it there's no way he would do it. Gary said he'd have one eye open the whole time. He said that he'd be afraid the guy would sneak in there and slip a finger in or something. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how he had to take Ambien last night. He said when someone says something to him it affects him. He said he hasn't been feeling well lately and hasn't been going to the gym. He called his trainer Pat and said he wasn't coming in. Pat told him that he was concerned about him and he was going to have his sleep thrown off. He said he made that come true last night. He said he figured he was never going to fall asleep. Howard said he's so open to suggestion.
Howard said he didn't listen to any of the news reports about his hearing yesterday because of that. Howard said Lisa G was contacting doctors and stuff and he didn't want to listen to any of that. He said he's so influenced by every little thing. He said he can't talk to people about anything. Robin said if it's positive he should listen. Howard said he never knows if it's going to be positive.
Howard said he watched The Bachelor last night on his DVR. He said they have really good looking women on that show. Howard said his lovely Robin can't find her love match. Robin said she loves herself. She said that's not a bad thing.
Howard said the women on The Bachelor are great. He said there are a couple of model types. He asked if anyone else is watching the show. Robin said he's alone. She said she can't even hit the button to record the show.
Howard said the guy on the show is a douche. He said he was telling the girls that it wasn't going to be easy. He said the guy clearly doesn't have to work. He said he's a fucking bum. He said the guy claims to have a vineyard but he's never there working. Howard said his family must take care of it for him.
Robin said the girls are amazing because they watch as the other girls go off with the guy. Howard said the guy is a bit of a dog. He'll go into a room and make out with a second girl after making out with another one. He said it appears he has no feelings at all. Howard said the guy is something else.
Howard said he told Beth that he wasn't going to see anyone else when he started dating her. He said he felt there was something more meaningful there. Howard said this guy knows that there's something going on with those girls too. He said he's an animal and the girls should call him out on it. Howard said the girls are running around in bikinis and stuff. He said the guy is acting like he's King Tut. He said Benjy is hotter than that guy.
Robin said if they could just get Benjy on the show. Howard and Fred did their impressions of him talking to the girls. They had Benjy asking if the girls liked his calves and eyes and things like that. Howard said Benjy's eyes look like meatballs in his head. He and Fred goofed on him about that and a few other things for a minute.
Howard said he's shooting some stuff for NBC and he's not sure if he can talk about that. He said he had to have Ralph help him put some stuff together for that. He said Simon Cowell called and they spoke to each other for about 45 minutes. He said they had a good conversation. Howard said Simon wanted to know what his feelings were about TV and things like that.
Howard said he had a private discussion about some things. He said he did tell him that he likes Sharon and Howie very much and they did talk about American Idol too. He said Simon has some feelings about that. He said he didn't tell him why he left but he feels it was over money and control. He said this was nothing that he told him.
Howard said Simon owns X-Factor and America's Got Talent and he wants to be a producer type. He said he has a feeling about how things should look and run and he wants control over that. Howard said Simon has full control over that stuff. He doesn't have to go to the network or anything to find out what he can do. It's his vision.
Robin asked why Simon would take on a show like Idol. Howard said he thinks he wanted to prove a point. He said he may have had a vision for the show and he wanted to show that he could do it. Howard said he told Simon that he's taking this judgeship very seriously. He said he wants America's Got Talent to create a major star this year. He said he'll leave if that doesn't happen. He said he challenges the other judges to the same thing. He said Simon told him he likes his attitude. Howard said he's damn right he does.
Howard said that most of what they talked about was top secret. He said there was actually nothing there. He said it was actually interesting. He said he asked questions about the running of the shows and things like that.
Robin said she doesn't think that Simon likes her. Howard said he did mention that he doesn't like her about four times. Howard said he told Simon that she's not emasculating men anymore and he said he'd call her over that.
Robin said she's still got issues with the emasculation thing. She said she still laughs when Howard says something to him. She said she has to stop being such a horrible person. Howard said she has to just see how she does. Howard asked where that big toothed giant is. Robin laughed. Howard told her to pull herself together.
Gary came in and said that it is emasculating to the hundredth degree. He said that when you get taken down a notch in front of a women it's emasculating. He said that's what Howard does to him. Howard said he made Gary the man he is today.
Howard said Gary was having such trouble with his throat clearing this morning. He said that Jon Hein heard it. Gary said he really didn't think he was having a problem. Howard said he thought he was really bad and he almost threw up twice hearing it. Gary said he can't help that he's trying to control it. Robin was laughing as this was going on. Gary said ''there go my balls.'' Howard did his impression of Gary and Robin told him to stop it as she laughed. She said that's horrible. Howard said he was doing this just to get a reaction out of her.
Howard said Robin isn't going to be able to do it. Gary said he knows that and he's fine with it. He said he doesn't think they should change anything in this universe. Gary said the thing that hurts is when Robin gets up to get a tissue to wipe her eyes from laughing so hard. Howard said Gary is like the Penguin in Batman. He said he grunts like the Penguin did.
Howard said that Ronnie has become somewhat of a draw now. He said he went out to Las Vegas to do an appearance and Howard TV goes out there. Howard said it was mortifying to watch. He said he doesn't think it's good what he does on stage. Howard said it's not a good reflection on him. Howard said Ronnie was yelling at the audience and calling them bitches and telling them to show their fat asses and stuff. He does that screaming thing too. Howard said he thinks that the people know that he has nothing to do with it. Robin said they really don't know that.
Howard said he's afraid that he's created a monster. Howard said he has to play the audio compilation that Doug sent to him. He played some of the audio and there was a woman introducing Ronnie and saying he was from Howard TV. Then Ronnie gets up and lets out one of his yells. He asks the women why they didn't enter some contest they had going on for Miss Howard TV. He as saying that he saw a lot of hot bitches out there.
Howard pointed out everything Ronnie was doing wrong up there. He pointed out the yell, calling women bitches, his cursing and all of that. Howard said he was constantly cursing. Howard played more of the audio and Ronnie was pointing at a girl saying ''How about this hot shit!?'' Howard said the visual is even creepier. He said that Robin is sitting there in the dark not seeing what's going on.
Howard said he doesn't feel good about this. He said he really doesn't. Howard said he was on fire and frothing at the mouth. Robin said she thinks he drinks before the show to get courage. Howard said he's really carried away with himself. He said he's become a Hugh Hefner type. Robin said Hef doesn't act like that though. Howard said he thinks these people were paying money to see Ronnie. Robin said they are paying to be there but she's not sure if they paid to see Ronnie.
Howard asked how old Ronnie is. Ronnie was screaming in the clip. Howard said this was a compilation of Ronnie's time on stage. It wasn't just one long clip. Howard said there are young women on stage with him and he's not sure what he's doing. Howard said he knows he's done some crazy shit in his career but when Ronnie does it then it's crazy shit.
Ronnie was on stage talking about how hard it was and how something was going to be hard. Howard asked why he doesn't just moo the whole time he's up there. Robin said it did sound like a mating call of some kind.
Howard asked how he can get him to stop appearing. Robin said he'll never get him to stop. She said he loves meeting guys and meeting girls. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he's cringing like Howard. He said Howard has a dilemma there. He said this is bad. He said if he has to think about it, it's bad. He said he loves Ronnie but this stuff is not good. Fred said he has a good heart and he's a good person when he's not being this person. Howard said he's right. He said there are two Ronnie's. Fred said that he would want him as his sergeant if he was in a war. He said he'd want to be above him in that military but he'd want him on his team. He said Ronnie would get the job done as long as he wasn't drinking.
Howard said Fred has hit into something. He said there are two different Ronnie's. Robin said she doesn't want to know that guy. Fred said he knows that he gets stupid when he drinks too. He said they're in the same boat. Howard said Ronnie is a different guy. Robin said you know he'd do anything for you. Howard said this guy, at the appearance, freaks him out. He said it's funny to a point. He doesn't want him calling his fans ''bitches'' and ''shits'' like he was in this clip. He said he can't think of any other show that has a guy like this making appearances. Howard said if Doc Severensen was making appearances like that then Johnny would have stopped him.
Howard asked Doug if he thinks this is out of control. Doug said he saw the footage but he wasn't there in person. He said that this is an isolated feed from a mic so he's not sure anyone even heard him. Doug said that it's also a compilation. He said that was over the course of 20 minutes. Doug said people seem to love Doug. He said that maybe the guys who were there at the club could talk about it.
Doug said the more callus Ronnie is the more people seem to like him. Fred said maybe there is a place for him then. Howard said he's not sure. He said maybe he's over reacting. Howard said he doesn't want his name brought up during those appearances though.
Howard asked where Ronnie was. He wanted to talk about this with him. Ronnie didn't want to come in but he did. Howard asked if he thinks he's over reacting. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said everyone seemed to love him there. Ronnie said that he wasn't calling the girls ''shits'' either. He said he was saying ''chicks.'' Howard said it sounds like shits to him. Ronnie said he was drinking so maybe that's why it sounded like shits.
Howard replayed the clip and fast forwarded to the part where he said ''chicks.'' Ronnie said that Howard TV told him what to say up there about the Miss Howard TV thing. Howard said maybe Ronnie was saying ''witches'' and not ''bitches'' in the clip. Ronnie said that Robin has to stop laughing at him too. Ronnie said everyone was drunk off their ass that night. He said that he's not sure if they even knew what was going on.
Howard played more of the clip and asked why he was doing what he was doing. Ronnie said he was on stage and some girls were sitting in the booth pouring drinks out of their stuff. Howard said when you see this he's completely nuts but he's explaining it and it sounds reasonable. Ronnie said they had a great turn out and the club was happy.
Howard said that every other word out of Ronnie's mouth is ''fuck'' and he finds it boorish. Ronnie said it was an awesome turn out. Howard said he doesn't want to be associated with this and he must be really bad if that's the case. Ronnie mentioned Scott DePace and how he thinks he knows everything back there. He said that he's like these political guys who put something off on someone else all the time. He said he did that with Gary and others too. He said Scott can call him stupid or whatever he wants. He said he can tell him that there are guys back there that can't fucking stand him. He said he won't say their names. Ronnie said he's not Mr. Political guy back there.
Ronnie went off on Scott for a minute and said that he's such a fucking asshole. He said that Scott beats his fucking dog and he's a piece of shit. He said he feels bad for his family living in his house. He said he can imagine what goes on in that house. He said he beats that dog with a news paper. Scott said his dog loves him and he didn't beat her. Ronnie said he had him really wound up last night. He said he has no business talking about how stupid people are around there. He said that Will is smarter than him. Scott said ''good'' but Ronnie said it bothers him and he knows it does. Scott said it does not. Ronnie and Scott went back and forth and Robin was laughing according to Howard. Robin said she was not.
Howard said DePace was coming in. Scott said Doug demanded that he come in. Scott and Ronnie went at it for a little longer. Ronnie asked what he does other than that little board back there. Scott said he does plenty. He asked Ronnie what he does. Ronnie said he runs two businesses. He said it really got to him what Scott said about him.
Ronnie had to get going because he had Joan Rivers there. Howard let him go and moved on to something else.
Howard said he was watching American Idol with Beth and he saw someone who didn't look good so Beth asked what he would say. He said he didn't know what he'd say so Beth went off on him again. He said he's being tested by her.
Howard said Joan Rivers and Melissa Rivers will be coming in. He said Richard Simmons will also be returning to the show later. He said that he'd like to know if Richard has found a girl yet. Robin said he's a perennial bachelor and all women will have to suffer. Howard said he thought Robin and Richard would have a future. Robin said he's never made a move on her.
Howard said it would be great if she went to a movie with him and he ended up fingering her at the theater. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa were coming in. Howard asked Melissa if Joan supports her. Melissa said that she's supportive but she's not supporting her. Howard asked what her arrangement is. Howard said that she has a very nice house. Melissa said the house looks bigger on TV. Joan said her room isn't that big. Joan said she has the room that the used to call the maid's room. Melissa said her mom lives with her and she doesn't pay for anything. Howard asked if she offers to pay for anything. Melissa said she doesn't.
Howard asked Joan what Melissa is doing to make money. Joan said that she's in the porn industry. She's going out with the head of Vivid. Joan said that she saw Robin's early porno tape. Robin asked what tape she was talking about. Joan said ''yeah, right... what tape.''
Howard asked Joan about being so bold and brave on and air and why she doesn't turn to her daughter and tell her that she doesn't like the guys she dates. Joan asked how old his kids are. Howard said he has a 29 year old and a 26 year old. Melissa said her son turned 11 in September. Howard said his youngest is in college now. She just turned 19 today.
Howard said that Joan didn't like Melissa's first husband. Joan said she likes him more now. She said that it's not about who she likes. It's about who makes Melissa happy. Melissa asked what he says to his kids. Howard said that his kids don't listen to him.
Howard asked Joan if she likes this porno guy. Joan said she does. She said he's so smart. Howard said he's in the pornography industry. Howard said he knows Joan isn't pleased with this. Melissa said that she really does like him. Joan said that she really does and she thinks that he's very smart.
Howard asked Joan about the women who fuck on camera and if she thinks that it's going to lead to disaster. Joan said that it may eventually. Howard said that the guy is surrounded by women in the porn industry. Melissa said that they were introduced by friends. Melissa said that he says that people think that it's going to be an orgy in the office but it's really just a business.
Howard asked about Joan living with Melissa. Melissa said she lives there with her 4 days of the week. She has to be out there to do the Fashion Police show. Howard asked where she loves the other 3 days. Joan said she's in New York those days. Howard asked why Joan doesn't have her own place out there. Joan said she doesn't want it. Melissa said she's not a burden. Melissa said she might be a little one but not a big one.
Melissa said that 2 days a week would be good but 4 is tough. Howard asked if that bothers Joan to hear that. Joan said it doesn't. She said Melissa has hurt her in other ways too. Melissa said that her pets abandon her and her cleaning people do too. She said they take care of her mom first when she's there. Melissa said she's very patient and a good sport.
Howard asked Melissa how she dates this guy. Melissa said that they only see each other on the days they don't have their kids. Howard asked if they ever watch the porno movies together. She said they don't. She did go to the porno awards though. Melissa said that her mom asked if she could get a swag bag from the awards.
Howard asked if everyone is getting tired of this whole Betty White thing. Howard said he thinks that she's a fine actress but people are carrying on. Joan said she's a very nice lady. Howard said it's enough though. Joan said that we need someone to love and she's like a grandma. Howard said Joan doesn't want that though. Joan said she really doesn't.
Howard asked Joan about the jokes she used to tell about Elisabeth Taylor back in the day and if she wished she hadn't done that when she died. Joan said that everyone had jokes about her and it wasn't just her. She said that they eventually made up toward the end and did some work together. She said that they did an AIDS charity thing together.
Howard asked Joan how she reconciled. Joan said that she asked Roddy McDowell if she had gone too far. She said that Elizabeth was so confident that it didn't bother her. She said even when she was at her fattest she still thought she was gorgeous. Joan said that even when she was big enough that you could paint her yellow and put four wheels on her and let the kids board her, she still thought she was beautiful.
Howard said it's the worst when a good looking girl gets fat. He said when you see Christina Aguilera get fat it makes you wonder if she just stopped caring. Howard said that Joan must have wanted Melissa to be thin. Melissa said of course she did. She said that she's still judgmental. Joan said she tells her to put on make up at the end of every phone call. Melissa said she tells her not to eat too. Howard said she's right though. She said that she's dating a porn guy now. Howard said he's warped out from the whole porn thing. He said it must be intimidating to her. Melissa said she tries not to think about it.
Howard said Joan knows that Melissa should be showing off her body while she has a good one. Howard said Joan is in show business and she knows. Howard asked what she should be wearing now. Joan said she should have very high heels on. Howard asked what she had on. Melissa said she was wearing flats. Joan said she's 165 years old and she's in high heels. Howard said she's going to think that she should have done something with it when she gets older. He said she's going to have regrets. Howard said she should be showing it off to men and women. Melissa said her mom wanted her to do Playboy. She said that she got another offer to do a porn thing but she turned that down. Melissa said that she's not going to do something like that. She said she was raised with moral fiber.
Howard asked Joan if she has seen her daughter naked. Joan said she did and she's totally shaved. Howard asked if she really looked. Joan said she saw a little bit of hair there. She said it may have been initials. Howard said that Robin shaves it all off. Joan said she's upset that she got a porn offer and didn't tell her about it.
Howard asked Joan if she really went on vacation with Judge Judy and Cindy Adams. Joan said it was the best time. Howard said he can't imagine it being good. Joan told him about the vacation and Howard said it sounded awful to him. Joan said they had a great time together. Howard said he bets that Judge Judy is worth more than her. Joan said she is. She said it's not her fault that she's got more money.
Howard asked Melissa about the guy she dated before the porn guy. Melissa said that her mom didn't like him. She said that he was living a second life with a lot of relationships online. She said that was like cheating to her so she broke it off. She said she found out when she went on the computer and saw that he had forgotten to close a bunch of pages. She said that it came to light that one of the tabloids had gotten him soliciting people.
Joan said that she was glad that it was over. Melissa said it was tough for her and her son Cooper. She said that she was going through fertility treatments at the time. Howard asked why he would do that. Melissa said it turned out that he was doing this for about a year and a half. She said she found out about the sites that he was using and it was going on for a long time. She said that she found it around 6 in the morning and she called telling him she was breaking it off. That day she got calls about the stuff that the tabloids were buying. Joan said this was all happening on their TV show ''Joan and Melissa'' in real time. Melissa said she threw the computer over the balcony and all of that.
Howard asked how Melissa told her son. Melissa said she turned it into an internet safety lesson for him. She said that people make mistakes and there are bad people out there online. She said she told him what he did and not really why. She said she told him that he had inappropriate relationships with people online. She did let him say goodbye to Cooper though. She said she let him talk to him twice and Cooper didn't want to talk to him anymore. Melissa said she went crazy over this whole thing.
Howard asked if Cooper has met the porn guy yet. Melissa said that he has casually but she's being very careful now. Howard asked how she has the discipline to do that. Howard said that if she wants to be with the boyfriend she might just bring him into the house and forget about the kid. Melissa said that she's not doing that. She said that the porn guy is doing the same with his kid.
Howard asked Joan and Melissa what else they're doing. They said that Melissa has a web site, Shoparatti now and they're still doing their TV show together. They said that Howard is doing just fine. Howard said that he had to take a second job. He said he's not doing that well. Howard said that people didn't think that Joan and Melissa's show wouldn't make it to the second season but it has.
Robin asked if they heard what Chelsea Handler said about them yesterday. They didn't hear it so Howard played the clip of what she said yesterday. Chelsea doesn't really seem to care about Joan. She talked about how things went down with her at some luncheon they were at.
Joan said that she's fine and ordinary but she's no genius. She said that they all know how she got her job. Joan said that she went into the room and said hello to Chelsea. She said she has no manners though. Joan said she said it was nice to see her and she ignored her. She said that they claimed that she broke into late night for women and gave women breaks. Joan said she made a joke about how she gave her a break in show business. She said it was a joke. She said that it was all a joke. Joan said she's a drunk and she doesn't wish her good or bad luck. Joan said ''go fuck yourself in a tea cup of water.'' Joan said she doesn't think she's all that funny and she really doesn't care. She told her not to come after her ''you whore.''
Joan said she didn't have to walk over to say hi but she did it. Melissa said that she said hi too and Chelsea didn't say hi back. She said that it was very odd. Howard said he loves it. Melissa said that it was very funny what her mom said in the room. Joan said she got the laughs in the room too. Howard said he doesn't know what she's doing living in Melissa's house. Howard said he may have to shack up there when he's out there for America's Got Talent. Howard said that Joan's show ''Joan Knows Best'' premieres tonight on WE. He said that they're doing the Fashion Police show for E! as well. Howard gave them some plugs for that stuff and started to wrap up.
Howard said he heard that Joan has a problem with Conan O'Brien. Joan said that he's very arrogant and she doesn't like that.
Howard asked if she still hangs out with Cher. Jason said that she does. Howard asked if she hangs out in her bathroom. Joan said it's not a bathroom. It's a big suite that's a bedroom and bathroom.
Howard said he had Chaz on the show and he was lovely. Howard said he's going to get a penis now too. Howard said maybe Melissa should date Chaz. Melissa said she's happy in her relationship. Howard said that's not going to last.
Howard said that Chaz is going to get fake balls too. Joan said if it makes you happy then get it. Howard said he reads about how upset Cher is about the whole thing. Joan said that if one of his daughters came to him and said she was going to get a penis he'd be upset too. Howard said he always wanted a son though. Howard gave Joan and Melissa some more plugs, wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and asked if there's a better song than that. Howard said he had to listen to a few seconds of the song. Robin said it might be their best song but maybe not the best song ever.
Howard said he's digging the sound byte contest they had going on. Howard said they put up a bunch of sound bytes and people are going nuts. He said that they're trying to narrow them down. Howard said everyone is so creative. He played one song where they took Robin's ''Cocaine'' singing clips and put it to a club song beat. They took some of her other clips and put them in there too. Howard said that was from Frank Charles.
Howard said this one from Adam Vargas was good too. He played that one that included a bunch of the clips they had available. Howard loved that one. He said there are a million of them.
Jordan Moser had another good one. He played that one next. He included a bunch of Little Lupe clips in that song. Howard said that the contestants came up with original music.
Howard played another one with Gary clips in it. Robin asked who is judging this contest. Howard said he can't do it. It's too difficult. Howard played another one with Eric the Midget clips used as a beat. That was from a guy named Craig. Howard said he thinks he can dance to that one. Howard started to sing along to that one.
Howard said Christopher McDonald did a good one too. He played that one and he included a bunch of the clips to some techno music. Howard said everyone did a great job. Robin said they were very inventive.
Phillip Katzenberger did a good one too. Howard played some of that one too. Howard said he's not sure how they're going to pick a winner. He said they have one in mind.
The caller asked if Joan has asked him to be part of any of her shows. Howard said she knows better. Howard said that he usually stays under a rock but he's coming out to do this one TV show. He said that Joan isn't going to ask him to do any shows. Robin said Howard wouldn't do it. Howard said he doesn't want to be on a fashion show. He said that he has to take a break and then bring Richard Simmons in. He was about to read a live commercial but Richard Simmons got on Gary's microphone and started yelling that he was there.
Howard said Richard looks good. He said he's got some nice clothing on. Richard pitched it like it was an outfit on QVC. Howard asked if he really sells it on QVC. Richard said he does.
Howard said he had to take a break. Gary said that Richard came in and said hi and said that he had a nice tuchus.
Howard asked Richard to be nice to Lisa G and maybe he'll get a date. Richard said he's sure there are a lot of guys interested in her. Richard talked to Lisa in Gary's office for a second before Howard got back to the live commercial and then went to break.
Richard came in hugging everyone. Fred got one and said he was very gentle. Howard didn't want a hug. He was afraid he'd hurt him. Howard said he's being silly and he wants him to just sit down. Richard said he just wanted to look at him. Howard said he wanted to interview him.
Howard told Richard he has to put the headphones on. Richard said he loves him and he misses him. He asked if he's excited about the new TV show. Richard was yelling so Robin asked if he heard that Howard has a hearing problem.
Howard said Richard looks tremendous. Richard said this is what he weighed in 1979. He said this is the perfect weight for his height and bone frame. Howard asked how he did it. Richard said as you get older you can put on weight from being inactive. He said he's going to be 64 years old this year. Robin asked how many times he's turned 64. She said she was just joking.
Howard said he wants to lose a couple of pounds but he hates running. Richard said he cut 400 calories a day and he does a 1 hour and 20 minute work out. He said he has never really had a body like this. Richard said he's never had definition like this. Richard said that it's important for him to be a good example. He said that one out of 4 children will be obese in the next 5 years. He said that's horrible news.
Howard said what Richard does is very important. He said he gives good advice. Richard said that eating is emotional and when you lose your job or lose your home you go for food. Richard said you go to $1 menus and things.
Howard asked why he was shaking. Richard said he hasn't been there in 3 years so he was nervous this morning. He said it's nervous for him to come there because he doesn't talk anymore and he's scared. He said that he got a bunch of wonderful emails about coming on the show today. He said he gets nervous coming in there and he doesn't think that they're friends anymore. Howard said Richard cut him out of his life. Richard said he's been traveling like 200 days a year.
Howard said he's never felt that Richard has been real with him. He feels that he's always on. He said he's not sure if the tears are real or not. Richard said this is him. Howard said he never bought the high energy. Richard said that he has been doing the show for 1/3 of his life and Howard must know him. Howard said he doesn't know why he has to be on like this though. He asked why he has to be like that. Richard said that's how he's been since he was a kid. Howard said he doesn't have to put it on.
Howard said he doesn't have to be the center of attention. Richard said he thinks it has to do with him being obese as a kid. Howard said he was beaten with a bat as a kid. Richard said it was a kid in school who said he was a fat pig. He said you don't forget those things. Howard asked if he ever confronted him as an adult. Richard said he confronted him as a kid and took the bat out of his hand. He said he told him he didn't appreciate what he did and didn't appreciate him making fun of him. Richard said 30 years later he was shopping with his mother and this man came up to him and asked if he remembered him. IT was that boy and he told him that he wanted him to help his wife lose weight. Richard said he is forgiving and he sent her some videos and called her.
Howard said that Richard could have gotten angry and told the guy he as a mother fucker. Richard said he's not an angry man. Howard said it could have gone all wrong and he could have hit him with the bat again. Howard said most of the time a guy will get even angrier and beat you worse with the bat. Richard said he got eye contact and asked him to treat him like the other kids in school. He said he thinks that honesty works with people.
Howard asked how old he was. Richard said he was in 7th grade. Howard said he has been in his share of fights and he got the shit beat out of him. He said he did fight back and punched their fucking ass in. Richard said he's not a fighter. Howard said he had to fight. He said you either fought or you died. Richard said he tries to forgive everyone. Howard said he got caught on fire so that's why his face looks the way it does.
Howard asked how many hair transplants he's had. Richard said he's had 1900. Howard asked if he's very vain. Richard said that he does like to look nice. He said he goes out teaching so he likes to look nice. He hasn't had the hair transplants done in years though. He said he feels good. Howard said he looks good too.
Richard said he wants people to take care of themselves and they have to start as kids. He said we have to do something about the obese kids out there. Howard said that maybe soda should be against the law. He said that it's just sugar water. Richard agreed. He said that you have to do things in moderation. He said he doesn't over do it. He said you can't have 5 or 6 a day.
Howard asked if he's in line with someone like Jack LaLanne. Richard said he's getting an award from his wife next month and that's great. Richard said he was an inspiration to him. Richard said he didn't like Jack as a young kid. He said he was fit and smart and he wasn't.
Richard said he got into the weight loss thing for himself at first. He said he wanted to be a priest when he was growing up. Howard asked if he could have given up sex for his whole life. Richard said he wanted to help people. He said the people you admire are police, firemen and priests. He said he told the priest that he wanted to be one but they didn't groom him to be one. He said he was crazy and funny and not really fit for that job.
Howard asked Richard if he ever talks politics. Richard said he really doesn't. He said he does have feelings. Howard asked if he liked Bush. Richard said he liked his ears. Howard asked if he's afraid to say he likes someone. Richard said he likes to be even leveled. Howard asked if he was against the war in Iraq. Richard asked him to talk about fitness and not war.
Howard said he has to talk about the war. Richard said parts of him were against the war and some weren't. He said that he isn't really that political. Howard asked where he stands on abortion. Richard said he can't do this. Howard asked if he wears panties for underwear. Richard said he had jockey's on.
Richard said he's been trying to get P.E. back in the schools. Howard asked him again where he stands on abortion and gay marriage. Richard said that you just have to be happy. He said we're not on this earth to just work and pay our bills. He said we're here to find someone. He said if you feel that strongly about someone then no one should get in your way.
Howard asked if he's ever been in love. Richard paused. He said he's in love with what he does. Richard said that he's asked him this question so many times. Richard said he doesn't like to think about reality. He said he likes to live in his own little world. Howard said he feels like he's become a little more cautious. Richard said he gets to do what he wants and he gets to go around the world teaching people about their weight. He said that's his passion and that's all he lives for.
Howard said Richard was involved with Gary's brother and he thought that was one of the most living things he's done. Howard asked if he knows love. Richard said a lot of people love him. Richard said he wants to talk about the P.E. thing and he won't let him.
Howard kept asking Richard if he's ever been in love. Richard said he loves Howard. He said that he feels like this is the crucible. Richard said he wanted to come in and talk about P.E. because this is important to him. Fred played some sad piano music as they were talking so Richard asked what that was.
Howard asked Richard if his mom wanted him to be in the Priesthood. Richard said she wanted him to be happy. Howard asked what he thought he could do to help people. Richard was crying. He said he thinks he has to take a break. Howard asked what happened. Richard said that he wanted to talk about what's important to him. He asked for a Kleenex. Howard gave him one.
Howard asked Richard if he's close to Chaz Bono. Richard said he thinks that he was too much for him. Howard asked Richard if he's lonely at night. Richard said he's exhausted. He said he calls 30-40 people a day. Howard asked if he has anyone he goes home to. Richard said his housekeeper is there for him. Howard said he pays her though. Richard said she's the greatest. He said she's been with him for years. Richard was crying and blowing his nose.
Howard asked Richard what this P.E. thing is. Richard was crying and unable to speak. Howard asked what he did to upset him. He said he told Gary he was going to give him a serious interview today. He said he thought Richard was going to be shocked. He said he was just trying to get to know the real Richard but he appears to have offended him.
Richard got to the P.E. thing and how he's been trying to get it back in the schools for the past 6 years. He said that they took it out of the schools and they don't even have recess. Howard said that he hated phys. ed. when he was in school. He said the teachers were dicks. Robin said that's where a lot of the bullying takes place too.
Howard told Richard about how bad school was for him but Richard was getting more and more upset. Howard didn't know what he did. Richard told Howard they've got his fitness program in a bill but it doesn't appear it's going to happen because the President is so busy. He said people are getting sick and he'd like to ask the listeners to go to RichardSimmons.com so you can send an email to your congressman. He said it's very important to have P.E. in schools. He said that there are many that have no recess or P.E.
Howard asked why the P.E. teachers are so bad. Not all of them but so many of them. Richard said they're not all bad. He said that he's gone in to teach people himself. He said he's going to be going to a bunch of colleges this year.
Howard said he read that Richard's net worth was $15 million and that seems low to him. Howard said he thinks that he should be worth a lot more than that. Howard asked if that's true. Richard blew his nose. He said that money isn't that important to him. Howard asked if it's in that ballpark. Richard asked Robin to help him. Robin told him he doesn't have to answer any questions. Howard said he feels that he has an empire and 15 million isn't all that much.
Richard said that he had to mention this great restaurant in New York City called Parm. He said they have the greatest turkey sandwich. Howard asked if he still eats red meat. Richard said he does just once a month. He said that Howard wouldn't believe this place. He said he had a turkey sandwich there and he's never had one like this. He said they do something with the turkey and he's not sure what it is. Howard said he stopped eating turkey recently. Howard asked if he thinks about the calories he's eating. Richard said he eats 1,500 calories a day and that's it.
Richard said that it's hard to get food down his throat after he sees what's happening in America today. Howard said 1500 calories isn't much. Richard told Howard what he eats and how he works out. Richard told Howard about the people he talks to around the country and how he works out to keep fit. Howard said he's shocked that he's not dizzy and passing out. Richard said he'd like to live to 100 if he can. He said that he knows Howard wants to be on this earth a long time too. He said he will live long if he can stay in shape and eat well.
Howard said he wants Richard to find love in his life. Howard asked if he'll let him get to know him some day. Richard said he'd like to take him and his wife out to dinner. Howard said he's not available. Howard said when he's in the city he works and stays home. Richard asked if he could come to his home on Long Island. Howard said he totally freaked him out when he came to his house years ago. He said he wants Richard to be the real Richard. Richard asked if he can come over and give him a hug. Howard said he can but during the break. Richard threw off his headphones and came over to get his hug. Howard didn't want him to but he did it anyway. Richard gave him two hugs. Howard said this was so wonderful and beautiful.
Richard asked if he can come over to his house. Howard said he will if he can be real. Howard said Beth won't know what to make of him. Richard asked if he's talked to her about him. Howard said he hasn't because he cut him out of his life.
Richard asked if his kids ask about him. Howard said they never bring him up. He said that Richard never gives him the real Richard. He said that he has to do that.
Richard saw that Howard had phone calls to take. He said he has been a good friend and he has supported him. He said he's always been kind to him... most of the time. Howard said that it is a comedy show so they do get into some things. Howard said if Richard wants to sit down and talk about what's going on in his real life then he's there for him. He said he doesn't care who it's with. Richard said he would like to come to his house and talk to him and his wife.
Howard said he loves Richard and what he does for people. He said he thinks that it's sincere. Howard said he can't give him another hug right now. He said he gets hard when he does that. Howard said he thinks they make a good couple. Howard said that he thinks this was a great interview. Richard said he would love to come over and take over his kitchen to cook. Howard said he might have some friends over to see him. Howard said he would love to rekindle their friendship. He said he thinks that the work he does is fantastic.
Howard asked if he really wanted to take phone calls. Richard didn't really want to do that so Howard wrapped up and said maybe next time. Richard gave Gary some kisses when he came into the studio. Howard said Richard dumped them all years ago. Howard said he's drained from this interview. He said he will break him down some day. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song for a minute. Howard brought up the Giants and how crazy it is that they made it into the Super Bowl. He said that some people are saying that the game was fixed and the refs were in on it. Howard said he can't imagine that's the case. He said that he'd like to believe that things like that don't happen in America.
Howard talked about how wild it was when Richard cried like 6 times today. He said that he saw Richard talking to Robin about something and he was very emotional about that too. Robin said they have a mutual friend and he tells him to say hi all the time. She said she was just telling him that he gets the message.
Howard asked what's up with Richard and why he acts like that. Robin said he's just a sensitive guy. Howard said he does give good advice. He said he forgot to ask him about the Paula Deen thing today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it was great when Howard asked Richard if he eats nuts. Howard said he didn't even do that on purpose. He said he was really just trying to get to know Richard. He said he tried to crack that shell but you can't with him.
The caller asked if Sal was begging to come in. Howard said he didn't but he was on the phone with tape of something. Howard asked what Sal had on the phone. It was Mark the Bagger audio clips. Howard told him to call in with those clips now. Gary said they were in the middle of a call so they can't call in.
Howard said he had Ham Hands Bill on the phone too. He put him on and Bill said he wanted to ask if he reciprocates when guys lick his asshole. Howard said that wouldn't have gone well.
Howard took a call from Sal who had the Mark the Bagger clips ready. He had Sal ask Richard questions. He had Mark the Bagger asking about whiffle ball bats and things going up his ass. He had Mark asking if it was wrong to jerk off to his dad. Howard pretended to be Richard reacting to those crazy questions.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he and Beth got into any discussion over Joe Paterno. Howard said no. Howard said Beth had tweeted out something about Joe Paterno and some woman shot back at her about how she could let a child molester in her home. Howard said he wasn't a child molester and no one knew about him hiding a child molester, allegedly, back then anyway. Beth was a kid at the time Joe came to their house.
Howard said that Beth gave some advice to someone who asked about giving up her pets when he has kids. Howard said that she just said that you can keep your cat. People were going after her like she told her to forget about her kids. Howard said that people can do it and not every kid is allergic to cats. Howard said that if you bring the cat to a shelter they end up getting killed or live there the rest of their lives. Howard said you just keep your cat. Howard said people are idiotic.
The caller asked what Beth's brother played at Penn State. Howard said he's not sure. He told Gary to get Beth on the phone. Howard said both of her brothers are some athletes. They got full scholarships for football and basketball. Howard said Beth's family is really famous. She was modeling from the age of 9 and her brother David played basketball and he was constantly in the paper. He said Doug became a fantastic football player so they were big shit out there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he loves Howard but what he's saying about Paterno isn't right. He said that Paterno brought the information to the D.A. and he refused to press charges. He said the D.A. disappeared too. Howard said the way he understands it is that Paterno knew what was going on after someone told him he saw Sandusky with the kid in the shower. He said Paterno went and told people above him and let them handle it. Howard said Paterno saw Sandusky every day but he never fired him or said anything to him. Howard said he just let it pass. Howard said that the guy let this go on allegedly. Gary said that what this guy is talking about is a 1998 story. Howard said he's right about that. It was a D.A. that disappeared back then, not now.
Howard and the caller went back and forth on that for a minute. Howard said he thinks that the stress didn't help and that may have led to him dying earlier than he should have.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the Westboro Baptist Church protesting the Paterno funeral. Howard said he doesn't understand that they're doing. He said he had them on the show but only because he thinks they're absurd. Howard said that they're religious freaks. Howard said that some of the kids left the group and they're denouncing the group. Howard said that when you have a father who is that opinionated you either rebel or go along with it. Howard said that their agenda is confusing to him. Howard said they hate gay people but he's not sure why they're going to Paterno's funeral. Robin said they're targeting him for the sex abuse. Howard said they should call themselves ''God Hates People'' since they go to every funeral now. Howard said that they're not racist so that's kind of odd. Robin said that's the one thing they missed.
Robin said that Richard is constantly yelling when he's out. She said she's seen it going on when she's gone out. Howard wondered why he has to let everyone know he's there. Robin said he has to be the center of attention.
Howard and Robin wondered if Richard's mother had something to do with that whole thing. Robin said that could be it. Fred played a few clips of Richard that Richard Christy edited together.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Gary Dell'Abate impression. He was doing the impression talking about Richard Simmons and clearing his throat. Howard asked why he was calling in and not just coming in. Sour did some more throat clearing and said he had one more thing. Howard had to let him go but he said that impression is uncanny. He said that he really sounds like Gary. Robin said he has those Gary-isms that are just wonderful.
Jon Hein ran down some more stuff he had for today's show. He brought up Ronnie and Scott DePace, Joan and Melissa and more. Howard said he loves when people fight on the show. He said the Joan and Chelsea thing was great and so was Scott and Ronnie. Howard did a live commercial after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard had Robin get into her news after playing her in with a song parody by Sal. Howard had to cut it off. He played some of the sound byte contest entries instead. Howard said Robin was a good singer in the one where they had her singing ''Cocaine.''
Robin started off with a story about a priest in Baltimore that was found in an adult book store watching a movie with no pants on. Fred played some Richard Simmons audio clips to play the part of the priest. Robin said they called the cops about this guy being pants less. Howard said the guy cracked. Robin said they have suspended him from the church. Howard said they should really let priests marry. He said that they wouldn't be so bottled up and snap like this if they did.
Robin had some audio of Kim Kardashian talking about her marriage to Chris Humphries. She claims that it wasn't a good business decision like people think it was. She said it was a bad decision. Robin said she was sitting in as a guest host with Live with Kelly. Robin said she thinks that they're going to keep putting people on that show until they find a replacement for Regis.
Howard said he read that the CBS morning news has even lower ratings now than it did before they brought in Gayle King. Howard said he would like to read about what's going on with the Regis and Kelly ratings. Robin said she read that they've gone up actually. Howard said he'd like to read these things. He doesn't know where to do that though. Robin had some more Kim Kardashian clips so they played those.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Howard can't just microwave some rice. Howard said he doesn't know who's touching it and things like that so he'd rather get it from a restaurant. He said he trusts the people at restaurants. Robin said the rice is in a bag. Fred said that Trader Joe's has a good bag of microwavable rice. He said he's tried it and it's good. Howard asked Will where he'd microwave it. Robin said there's one in the kitchen. Will said that's the one he'd use. Will said they bought Howard a brand new Tupperware container to use to cook it.
Howard said he has to think about it for a minute. The rice is in a bag that they don't have to open. Will said they have a Whole Foods version. Will said he'll handle the whole thing and he'll use bottled water if he wants. Howard said he wants him to drink the rest of the water. Will said he'll do that too. Howard asked if the rice will touch the Tupperware. Will said he's not sure. He said that he has to pour it into something. Howard said he'll pour it into his soup. Howard said maybe they'll do it that way. Will said that's excellent.
Howard said he doesn't want to share a microwave with Human Newman. Gary said that's just one of many. Howard said he thinks he can do this. Gary told Howard that someone sent a text about Dennis Miller hiring a persona chef to cook for him. Howard said he's not going to do that for a lunch he wolfs down in a few seconds. Howard asked how long his show is. Gary said he thinks it's like 2 hours. He wasn't sure though. Gary said his wife just texted him and said that they've had that Trader Joe's rice too and it's good.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about the great actors of today. Robin said that Howard is out of touch like their parents were. Howard said he likes Dustin Hoffman. Robin said these are contemporary actors. Howard said he likes Seth Rogen and Sacha Baron Cohen too. Howard said he thinks that the Borat movie is brilliant. He said he loves Dexter too but he's on TV. Howard said he's sure he's over looking some people. He said Toby McGuire is great too. He said he likes Robert Downey Jr. too. Howard said he's glad he straightened himself out. He said he's a superb actor. Howard said that's his favorite. Robin said he didn't make the top 10 list. Howard said the people who make lists aren't like him. they're not astute. Robin said Johnny Depp is the number one on this list. Howard said he's no Robert Downey Jr. Robin said he is ever bit Robert Downey Jr. Denzel Washington and Clint Eastwood were tied for 2nd. Robin said that John Wayne was on the list too. Howard said he was not a great actor. He had the range of a fly. Robin said he played John Wayne in every movie.
George Clooney was on the list so Howard talked about how great he was in The Descendants. Howard said he wanted to write him a note about how great it was. He said Jimmy Kimmel knows the guy but he didn't want to bother him for his address. Howard said he didn't want Jimmy to bother George so he just gave up on the whole thing. Howard said he did a terrific job in that movie. He said he wrote to Wayne Seagal instead to thank him for the fruit of the month club.
Robin read about Sean Penn and what he's been up to. Robin said his politics annoy her sometimes. Robin said that he once said he wanted to go to Iraq to be a human shield. Robin said he has been incredible when it comes to the rebuilding of Haiti. Robin said he was on Piers Morgan last night. Howard said that must have been boring for Piers. He said he probably had to talk about Haiti the whole time. Howard did an impression of Piers talking to Sean for a couple of minutes. Robin had some audio of Penn talking to Piers that they played too. Howard said Piers must hate that. He said Haiti is important but he must want to ask about Penn sleeping with Madonna and things like that.
Robin read about Seal and Heidi Klum and how they've grown apart. Robin said they released a statement about their split. Robin had some details about that. Robin said the statement is too well prepared so it can't be going that well. Robin said they admit they've grown apart and they have split. Howard did more of his Piers Morgan impression during that discussion. He said he knows it's not that good.
Robin said they have announced the Oscar nominations. She had audio of those announcements being made. Howard played those and picked his favorites. Howard said he's rooting for the black chick in ''The Help.'' He said he met her and she's a very nice woman. Howard had to replay some of the first clip since he was talking over it and didn't hear it. Howard played the best supporting actor nominations. Howard said he loved Moneyball. He thought Jonah Hill was terrific in that movie. Howard said he didn't see a lot of those movies. He liked Jonah though. He had to interrupt to do a live commercial.
Howard played the Best Actress nominees after the commercial. Then he played the best actor and talked about how bad the Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy movie was. Howard said he thought Brad Pitt was in Moneyball. He said that Clooney should win but Pitt deserved the nomination. They went through the best picture nominations next. Howard said he'd have to go with Moneyball. Robin sounded shocked by that. Howard said The Descendants should actually win. Then they mentioned The Help and Howard said that was great too. Robin said that was a stupid movie. They spent a minute arguing about that. Howard said that he didn't care about the rest of the nominees. He said that The Descendants will win.
Robin read about the debate that went on yesterday. She said that Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich went at each other like they're the only two in the race. Howard said Mitt can't give up yet. He has to fight for that nomination. Howard played some audio of what they were arguing about in the debate.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she runs a wolf sanctuary and she wants Howard to get the word out about it. She asked Howard to look into it. Howard said that this movie ''The Grey'' is a fantasy movie and it's not to be confused with reality. She asked Howard to please have Beth look into it. Howard said he will. He said he's not sure what she's talking about though. He said she had some trouble getting it out.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard has to speak to the contestant when he gets on America's Got Talent. Howard said he doesn't need any lessons from him. The caller said he does too. Howard thanked him and hung up on him. Howard said he has been in this business for like 35 years and this guy is telling him how to talk. He said he might address the crowd. He said he doesn't have to talk to the contestant. Howard said he knows what to do.
Robin had some audio of Rick Santorum talking at the debate. Robin had some audio of Robert Redford commenting on the debate as well.
Robin read about Governor Chris Christy talking about how he'll be rooting for the Giants to win even though he's a Jets fan. Howard asked when the Super Bowl is. Robin said it's two weeks from last Sunday. Benjy laughed because he knew Howard was going to have to do the math.
Robin said that people are getting death threats on Twitter over comments they made about the playoff games. Howard said he saw tape of this guy who was yelling at the TV while watching the Ravens game. He said he threw everyone out of the house and was yelling about them being fair weather fans and things like that. Gary said he saw that and the guy was a big, fat guy. Howard asked if they think the Giants are going to win. Gary said he does. He thinks they have momentum. Howard said he's rooting for them.
Robin said Aretha Franklin has called off her engagement. She just announced it a few weeks ago. Robin said she says that they were moving too fast so they're not going to get married at this time.
Robin had some audio of Liam Neeson talking about his new movie. Howard said he must have been pissed there were no chicks in the movie. They were all dudes in Alaska. Howard said that's not why guys like Michael Kane got into movies. He said he picks movies based on where they film during the year. He picks hot climates in the winter and cooler climates in the summer.
Robin said that Jorge Posada is going to announce his retirement today. Howard said he bets he's going to buy part interest in a car dealership.
Robin said a young girl called 9-1-1 when she heard her mother having sex and she felt disrespected. The police said that they had been involved in a verbal altercation. Robin said the girl thought it was a form of child abuse and neglect so that's why she called 9-1-1. Robin said that the mother says she didn't intend to wake her daughter. They ended the show after that story. It was about 10:25am.
Scott DePace came in so Jon talked to him about what went on with Ronnie. Scott said that pretty much everyone has said that Ronnie is stupid but he's the only one that Ronnie is taking it out on. Gary said that Scott said that he thinks that he's generally stupid. Gary asked if he thinks that he's a bright guy or not. Scott said yes but he was being sarcastic. Scott said he doesn't think that Ronnie is stupid. Gary asked if anyone there is stupid. Scott said no. He's not sure if he's ever met anyone who is borderline stupid. He said anyone you can't have a conversation with might be stupid.
Gary said that there are stupid people who aren't retarded. He said that Sal lacks common sense and book sense but he's not retarded. He said he doesn't think things through sometimes. Scott said he said that in the interview that Sal wasn't all that dumb. He said maybe he should have worded what he said about Ronnie a different way.
Scott said he's been called stupid and Howard has said that Ronnie isn't so bright. He said maybe he just shouldn't have said he was stupid. Scott said he wouldn't put money on Ronnie if he had to bet on someone doing well on an IQ test. He said Ronnie is a great guy and he's successful in business. Scott said he thought Ronnie's skin was thicker than that. He didn't expect him to get upset today.
Gary asked Scott if he's met anyone who is borderline stupid. Maybe one of the wack packers. Scott said he doesn't speak to a lot of the guests. He said Miss Howard Stern might be stupid. He said Beetlejuice might be stupid. He's not sure if he's retarded. Gary said when you ask someone to spell the word ''Red'' and they spell it differently three times then they're retarded.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott is just a back peddling asshole. Scott didn't seem to care.
Jon asked Scott if he thinks that Ronnie is representing the show in the wrong way. Scott didn't know what to say. He said maybe they're getting some part of the show. He said if they go to just get yelled at by a guy from the show then maybe they deserve it.
Gary said Ronnie has always been like that and he's getting mixed signals. Howard may not have realized that but then woke up one morning and realized that this is the way Ronnie acts. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the break, around 10:40am, Jon moved on to talk to Ronnie about Scott. Jon said Scott kind of backed off of what he said about him. Scott said that he doesn't think he's stupid. He said he was exaggerating. Ronnie asked why he would say it at all. Scott said he was just asked the question so he said it in that interview.
Ronnie asked Scott why an IQ test matters at this point in his life. He said that they already proved that Will is smarter than him. Scott said he's not sure how that happened. He said he knows that Will was in a panic the day before the test. Scott said will is a smart guy but he still doesn't know how it happened. Jon said that he just can't admit that the guy did better than him.
Jon asked if Scott feels there is anyone that's smarter than him there. Scott said he doesn't know. He said he's not sure how he would know that. He said he's sure there are people. He said it could be Howard or maybe Jon.
Gary said that he and Jon scored like one point below Scott. Scott said he thought Jon was a couple of points. Gary asked if he really thinks that one point is that big of a difference. Scott said they're all in the same family that he is. Scott said he doesn't think that Gary is smarter than him. Gary asked if he thinks he's the smartest guy in the TV room. Scott didn't give a straight answer.
Gary asked why Scott would think that he's smarter than him. Scott said there is no way to judge. Gary said there's no way to judge but somehow he has.
Ronnie asked why he thinks he's stupid. Scott asked why he thinks that Howard and Robin have said that he's not that intelligent. Ronnie said his grammar is bad and he does some things at his appearances that they don't like.
Ronnie said that everyone at the club is just having a good time and he's not insulting anyone. He said he thinks he's giving them what they want. He said this was a club, not a strip club. He said it's one of the biggest clubs in Las Vegas.
Gary said the worst he's seen Ronnie was at a Valentine's day party they had a couple of years ago. He said that he was really wild that day.
Jon asked if they're encouraging him to do more for Howard TV. Ronnie said they do love that stuff for the TV show. He said he's just having fun and that's what everyone is doing. He said the girls that were dancing on stage were having a great time dancing. He said the girl who won was thrilled.
Gary asked Ronnie about Bubba's wedding. Ronnie said that was a bad time for him. He said he remembers the night ending and how he sat there by himself and thought about how fucked he was after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to defend Scott. He said he never usually agrees with him but he thinks that he's right about this. He said that it's hard to call him stupid but it is fun for the fans. Scott said he's just not educated, that's it.
Jon said that Sal gets really upset when you call him stupid. Gary said he really does get angry. He said that he doesn't need to know where Florida is on a map. He just knows he gets on a plane and they take him there. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary if there is a real Richard behind the Richard we see. Gary said he does love to be the center of attention. He said Richard came to see his brother at the hospital but then he turned things upside down in the hallway. Gary said that Richard was all over the place saying hello and everyone loved him.
Gary said he thinks that Howard will take the chance with Richard and see if he can get to the real guy at his house. He said that he is shot out of a cannon at first but he thinks that he has spoken to the real guy a couple of times.
Jon asked if Richard is interested in Lisa G. Gary said he did talk about her ass when he came in. He said he's not sure Lisa is interested.
Benjy said they do wonder if he's gay and Richard gets upset if they bring it up. He said that it seems that he doesn't like to answer any personal question. He wouldn't even say if he thinks that Puerto Rico should be a state.
Jon brought up Joan Rivers reaction to Chelsea Handler. Gary said he found out that she's 78 years old and he loved hearing her say ''Fuck her!'' They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:00am.
Howard started the show talking about how Gary was telling him about what he likes about his cell phone. That's why he started a little late. Howard said Gary was telling him about the iPhone and how great it is. He said Apple recently announced how big their iPhone sales were and Gary had to agree how great the phone is. He used to be a big Blackberry user.
Howard said that they have a busy morning today. He read an article about the iPhone sales and how Apple didn't need an iPhone 5 to get big sales. Howard said that the death of Steve Jobs may have had something to do with the sales too. He said it's like a rock star dying and his album sales going up.
Howard said that he got one of the new iPhones. He said he has that Siri app on it. Robin thought it was ''Suri'' so Howard said that's actually Tom Cruise's kid. He said he'd like to have a kid just to name it Suri.
Howard said that Rick Santorum has less followers than JD or Ronnie. Howard said both of them have more than Santorum. Robin said that's a good reason for him to drop out of the race.
Howard said he has meetings with the NBC brass today. He said he's not sure what they're coming to talk to him about. He said he just knows he has some discussions coming up. He said he forgot to ask his agent what was going on. Howard said there will be NBC and AGT people coming. He said Simon called him and it's not easy to figure out what's going on over there. He said Simon seems to be running rogue over there but NBC runs the show. He said he's involved with everyone.
Howard said his agent had a meeting with Jason Rath from AGT about what's going to be going on over there. He said they're all being friendly and trying to figure out what's going to happen. He said everyone is very helpful and he's ready to work. He told them to get it on.
Howard said he spoke to Jimmy Kimmel and they're getting excited to get together. Howard said Jimmy wants to have a party for him out in Los Angeles but he's going out there to work. He said he gets filled with anxiety when he has to work and he's not sure he can have a party. Howard said Jimmy is insistent about it and he wants to have that party. Howard said he has to work. He said he's embarrassed by this party thing.
Howard said Jimmy told him that he has a lot of people who want to be at the party. Howard said he might be able to have a party at 5 in the afternoon. He said he's really out there to work though. He said he thinks they will have a party but it will be at 5 in the afternoon. He said he's not sure who will show up to that.
Robin said it's going to be the latest thing to do out there. Howard said he told Beth he was going to tell Jimmy it had to be at 5. Beth though he was crazy. Howard said he told Jimmy that it had to be 5 though.
Howard said he thinks that he's the excuse to throw a party for Jimmy. He said he throws a lot of parties. He brings in pizza chefs and people like that. He said the parties are great and he does have a lot of fun at them. Howard said this isn't the same as when he goes out there to relax though. He said he has a lot going on.
Howard said he's still taking this seriously even though he's just judging on the show. He said this is going to be a new thing for him and he isn't really loose and fun even when he's not working. He said that he sat down with his shrink the other day and asked why he isn't fun. He said the shrink would have answered if he hadn't fallen asleep.
Howard said this is why he didn't want to take on a new job. He takes it too seriously. Howard said he watched American Idol last night and he's really losing interest in it. Robin said she saw that they were complaining about the noise on the show last night. Howard said that his TiVo didn't record the show. Robin said hers didn't either. She said they weren't supposed to be on or the State of the Union was on and it interrupted things.
Howard said that Simon gave him some good advice. He said that if someone isn't good then you get rid of them right away. He said if you let them through then America feels bad for them and they keep them on the show.
Robin said she doesn't seem to care about Jim Carrey's daughter. Howard said they were showing that she didn't have to mooch off her dad and she was living her own life. Howard said he fell for that and he's a sucker for that kind of stuff.
In the clip they were actually calling a Swap Shop show and talking about it being deer season. Richard was first up and he told them that he had 15 pounds of deer vagina lip steaks. They cut him off. Then he called back and said he had deer penis. They told him to grow up. The host pointed out that they were calking from Sirius radio and it's ridiculous. Sal called in and said he hopes they come down on those people who call in from Sirius. Sal had his dog barking behind him and he had a shotgun for sale. He said the dog was licking the gun and the gun went off and he shot the dog's asshole off. The host said this was really stupid. Sal called back and pretended to shoot his cousin. The host said they are very persistent. He told them to get a job and be productive. Richard called in again and they had to hang up again. Sal called in again but they hung up right away. They kept calling in over and over and the host had to apologize. The host wondered if this was Howard Stern putting up his ''stupids'' to do this stuff. He said that he has his idiot followers call around and do these sort of things to the show hosts.
Howard said that the must they play is something you hear when President Harding won. He said it was like music from Boardwalk Empire. Robin said it's like they walked into the 1930s. Howard said that's like when you see people doing that dance when they do that thing with their knees.
Howard said he's apparently the enemy. He said when he was 9 years old his parents were murdered by a Swap Shop host and he swore that he would disrupt all Swap Shop shows. That's how deep it runs.
Howard said everything about that show is old. He said they do old style radio and play old style music. He likes when they say they traced the calls back to Sirius. Howard said he doesn't think that they even have that technology over there. He said they probably just know that it's them at this point.
Howard played another one from Little Mikey to the tune of a Cher song. Howard played a second one from Mikey and said they're getting like 100 a day now.
Howard played another one about Robin and her massive titties. Howard said he thinks Robin brought it on herself with that emasculation thing. Howard said he thinks that she likes that all of these guys are beating off to her. He said he'd be so complimented if that was happening to him.
Howard said Wendy the Retard has been calling them a lot looking for money. He said he thinks that she expects money from them ever since he gave it to her in the past. Howard said she goes around spending money like she has it already and they're not sending any. Howard said her mom says that she's not eating out of dumpsters like she says she is.
Howard played some audio of Wendy saying that they never call her even though they say they will. Howard said she's doing a Freddy Kruger voice in the calls. He said she's very frustrated. Wendy was saying that he has to keep his promises. Howard said she clogs up the answering machine all night and day.
Wendy was threatening to go eat from the Winn Dixie dumpsters for dinner. She was saying she's going to pee her pants too. Howard said he believes she really does that. Howard said that's what she claims. Howard said he thinks that her mom makes her wear a diaper now. She was saying that she exploded and she got pee and poo all over the floor in her mother's room.
Gary asked how it got on the floor if she's wearing a diaper. Howard said it must have exploded like she was saying.
Howard said Eric told them that he dyed his hair when he was younger. Howard said Mary looks nice in the picture. They showed it on the monitors in the studio. Robin said that Mary does look great. She said Eric's face looks rounder.
Howard said Eric looks like a mini Phillip Seymour Hoffman. He said he has some Fred in him too. Fred said that's not a good look to take. Howard said they'll retweet the picture @SternShow.
Howard said maybe Eric saw a werewolf and he went grey when he saw it. That led to Howard playing Sal and Richard's ''A Midget Werewolf in Albuquerque'' bit. Howard said his favorite part is when Eric mistakes the werewolf for Kelly Clarkson.
Howard said Eric promised to call from the set but he never did. Gary said the producer said that they were done and they got through it. He said he hasn't heard about how it went though.
Howard said that this is the show's last season and they're not doing this to get attention for the show. Gary said the producer is a fan of the show and he thought it would be fun and easy. Gary said they warned him it was going to be difficult. He said the guy just laughed it off. Now he knows.
Gary came in and tried to explain to him. Howard said he thinks that he already paid money on the money he made so he's already been taxed. Gary said that's true but this is an investment income and it's set up different. Howard said you can also lose a ton on investments and the lower taxes are to get people to try and invest.
Will Murray came in and said that Mitt is paid in stock so he doesn't really get pay. Howard said he had that too. He said the stock he got is worthless though. Robin said Mitt ran the company that he got stock from. Howard said he's not sure why things go haywire for him. He said that he made a beautiful collage out of his stock. He said they told him the stock was up to $2.15 but he thinks the price he got it at was like 6 bucks.
Howard said he spends too much time on nonsense. He said he should learn how to pay 15 percent tax. He said the guy must be a genius. Robin said the guy who figured out the plan is the genius. Romney didn't figure out the plan.
Howard said he seems to pay the full rate. He said you get a paycheck and you just pay. Howard said he wants in on this plan. He said that they're too much like hard working people. Robin said they are hard working people. Howard said they are but they don't want to be. He said it's no wonder Mitt wants to get rid of that capital gains tax rate. Howard said he doesn't want to spend too much time on this because people will stop listening.
Howard played some of the audio of a news report and they said that the guy claims that it was Howard sending out the messages. Howard said that if it was real he would tell the guy he's an asshole. The news reporter said that the guy used a disguise so they think that he had these murders planned.
Howard played a second news report about this serial killer. The reporter was talking about what the psychologist was saying about what this guy told him about Howard Stern. Howard said that these are fucked up people who hear messages on the radio. Robin said that she's not sure why they pick on them. Howard said he thinks that he made this up but he had to make it believable. He said he probably wanted to get off on an insanity plea.
Howard said that he's going to take his job seriously on AGT. He said if he doesn't then he will leave after this season. Howard said he thinks that he and Sharon should walk away if they can't get the job done with him. Howard said they put through too many shitheads on that show. He said that he has to ask himself if he would put his own money up for these people. He said if he thinks that he'd get up from the blackjack table to go see them then they're the right people. Howard said that Simon told him he has the right attitude. Howard said he's older than Simon but he feels like a kid talking to him. He said he had a good conversation with the guy.
Howard said the show started out as a goof but now it's a number one show on NBC. He said it's time to step up and find a major star. He said they have to work hard to find that big star. Howard said he wants it to be very serious.
Robin said he saw Ellen Degeneres on the People's Choice Awards and she was acting like she always does where she pretends to be confused. Howard said she looked really, really old. He said she looked like a bigger mess than him. Howard said they ran a Cover Girl commercial with her in it and she looked completely different. Howard said they had to be kidding with that. He said it wasn't realistic at all. Howard said she looks 20 years old in those ads. Howard said it's the same thing with Steven Tyler on American Idol. He said he looks 20 in the ads but then you see him on TV.
Robin asked if they're going to do that to Howard too. Howard said he probably will do that. Howard said he was going to send some pictures to AGT but he doesn't own them so they had to go out and buy some. Howard said he doesn't want to be involved with that. He said he thinks it would be cooler not to see him until he's actually on the show. Howard said they don't need pictures. Howard asked how many shows you've watched because you saw a picture. Robin said none.
Howard said maybe he should go on. He said he has to work tomorrow. He said he was only supposed to work 31 days but all of a sudden he's working a lot more for AGT. Howard said that he's not sure if he should do Letterman or not. He was going back and forth. He said that he's not going to do it after having an internal discussion with himself.
Howard said he should get back to them about it. He said that would be rude not to get back to them. Robin said it would be an honor to do the show. Howard said he's not sure he wants to do it. He said it's kind of a fake occasion. Robin said everything is a fake occasion. Howard said Dave probably doesn't even care about it. He said it's the staff that cares. He said maybe he should show up on the 40th anniversary instead.
Howard said Dave has been a big supporter of his so he should do it. He said he gets all nutty when he does a show like that. He has to disrupt his whole day to do something like that. Howard said his mom will call and ask what he's doing. He did his impression of her talking to him about disrupting his routine.
Howard had his mom talking about his routine and how he has to stick to it. He said that they only do one thing a day. Howard said he's not going to get sick going to do his show. His mom would tell him that he does have stress if he does it. Howard said maybe his mom is right and he shouldn't do it. Howard said she wants him to live to an old age. Howard was going on and on as his mom talking to him about relaxing. He said that she thinks that he should relax and meditate.
Howard said that it's almost like being in a grave doing what they do. He said he had to take a break after that. He said they have Rob Schneider calling in today. Howard said he saw it and it's good. He said that the critics gave him so much shit about it too. Howard said that the show slammed in the ratings so Rob is pissing on everyone. Robin said she loves his movie ''Big Stan.'' Howard said he's Deuce Bigalow to him. They went to break after that.
Howard asked Rob how he's doing. Rob said he's excited for Howard doing America's Got Talent. He said he used to put a question mark after the show name after last season. Howard said he doesn't know anyone who likes Frank Sinatra in this current generation. Robin said Ralph does. Howard said the guy was a nice guy but he doesn't know that he's the next big star. Rob said he thinks that this will be good with Howard on it now.
Howard said the critics beat the shit out of Rob and his new show. Rob said they really are brutal. Howard said he watched the show and had a good time watching it. He said it kicked ass in the ratings too. Rob said he wishes the critics were more honest and just said ''Why him, not us?''
Howard asked if he thinks that it's because he's not the tall, strapping leading man. Rob said that could be it. He said that there was one director who said that people like Phillip Seymour Hoffman because they look like him.
Howard asked Rob if he's producing the show. Rob said that he is an executive producer on the show. Howard asked if Adam Sandler has anything to do with it. Rob said he does not. He said that he wanted to step out on his own and do it. Rob said he looks at his own house and says that this is the house that Sandler built. He said that Rob is like his little, rich brother.
Howard asked if Adam is like the Godfather to him and he has to ask him for permission. Rob said that's not the way it is. He said Adam is very happy for him and he was the first one to call about the show. He said that he and Adam got into show business and no one wanted to hire them. He said that they had to struggle together to get on. Rob said if it wasn't for stand up they wouldn't have been able to make a living back then.
Rob said he lived with Adam for a while before they were even on Saturday Night Live. He said that they were living with Judd Apatow for a while. Howard said it's funny that they all became famous. He asked if anyone else in the group didn't make it. Rob mentioned one guy who didn't quite make it. His name was Drake Sather. Rob said he was a great stand-up but wasn't able to make it in acting. Rob said he passed away.
Rob said that the guys who were lighter like Seinfeld and Leno were able to make it just fine. Rob said he wondered if he had to suffer to make it and you really don't have to suffer. Rob said he did wonder if he had to be more depressed though.
Howard asked who was at Saturday Night Live first. Rob said he was. He said that Adam came in and people didn't like him at first. He said that Dana Carvey was cool with him but guys like Al Franken hated him. Rob said he did come around years later though. Howard asked who didn't get it. Rob said ''Austin Powers'' didn't get it. That was Mike Meyers. Rob said that Kevin Nealon was always cool with him though. Howard said he seems like a good guy. Rob said he really is.
Howard asked Rob how he got back into TV. Rob said he was talking to Chris Rock and he was saying he should try TV. Rob said he's never thought that he had enough material to be a good stand-up. He said that they always had just 20 minutes of material and it worked out for all of them.
Howard said the chick on Rob's new show is smokin' hot. Rob said she's from Spain. Howard said it's cool that he gets to make out with her all the time. He said he must be writing that in.
Howard said he got a casting tape from one of Rob's movies and they had women washing a clear plexiglass screen in bikinis. Rob told them that it wasn't even in the movie. Rob said that was more interesting than the movie itself.
Rob said that his TV show is loosely based on his life. He said that his wife is in her late 20s and he's 48. He said that he's in his 40s and he gets winded when he jerks off standing up. He said he doesn't watch porn now, he watches the Military channel.
Howard said the last time they spoke Rob was about to get married. Howard said he asked if he was going to do a pre-nup and Rob thought it was too weird. Rob said she actually brought it up with him.
Howard asked Rob about how much he's worth. Rob said he's not super wealthy. He said he still has to work.
Howard said Rob did something very nice. He was in his high school band and played some instrument. Rob said he played trombone. He said he wasn't able to make noise with other instruments so he got stuck with the trombone. Howard said that he has a soft spot in his heart for the band. Howard said they ran out of money so Rob is financing their music program. Rob said he's spent about 2 or 3 million bucks on that. Howard said Rob had to stop giving money to them because he ran out of dough. Rob said when he wasn't making movies he had to stop. He said he was more proud of the program when they were able to do that without the extra money. Rob said he did that for 15 years. Howard said Rob is a good man.
Howard asked Rob what happened with the pre-nup. Rob said they did not sign one. Howard said he should tell the kids they're not getting a band. Rob said everyone took a massive hit out there so he had to take one himself. He said that it's been a good thing and his wife came up with the TV thing so she could sue the crap out of him no matter what. Rob said she's been great for him. He said he's taking dancing lessons and learning to tango. He said he stinks at salsa but tango is okay for old guys.
Howard asked if Rob would do Dancing with the Stars. Rob said he isn't sure those people are really ''stars'' on that show. He said he thinks that this TV series is going to be fun. He gets to work with Cheech Marin. He said that Cheech and Chong are still performing. Howard said he used to have Tommy on the show all the time. He said they were trying to help get him out of jail.
Howard said he didn't know how political Rob was. He read a quote from him about the 1 percent. Rob said that the problem isn't with guys like him. He said it's guys like Howard that are in the less than 1 percent that are the problem. Howard said it must be him, Sandler and Romney that are the people that are the problem.
Howard asked how the sex life is. Rob said he's been married almost a year. He said it'll be a year in April. He said he has to take all kinds of pills to keep it going with her. Rob said that he is still having sex but it does slack off a little bit. He said he thinks that she got bored. Rob said that women need the drama that leads up to the sex and not really the sex itself. Howard asked what made him think that the sex was over. Rob said she was watching more TV than she was watching him.
Howard asked if he's thinking about having kids with her. Rob said he is. He said that his friends his age are thinking he's nuts. Rob said that he thinks he could really enjoy the kid at this age. He said he thinks he got the other stuff out of his system. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said that he might still be a baby himself.
Howard asked where his wife is. Rob said that she's down in Mexico. He said she has to go down there and stay low profile. Rob said that she's producing 4 shows down there. Rob said that he doesn't speak Spanish so she didn't want him to be on one of her shows. He said that he met her down there and asked her out. He said she brought her mom with her on the date. Rob said that she kissed him on the cheek and he wasn't used to that. Howard asked how long it took to get into her pants. Rob said she flew in with her mom so it was kind of weird. He said that she didn't like him at first. He said she had to give up her job and move there so it was tough for her.
Rob said he thinks the mom trusted him after the third trip up. He said that she took a long shower one day and he and the wife got to do their thing.
Howard said that Rob's new show ''Rob!'' is on and doing well. Howard asked if he's writing it. Rob said they have a couple of writers and they're hanging in there. He said his wife comes up with some stuff too.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Rob about the show ''Men Behaving Badly'' and he thought that was great. He said they replaced some of the cast when the complained about the money. Rob said that the British show was great and they should have stuck to that. He said that the one guy was fired from the show. He said that was Ron Elder. He said that he was a great guy and they never did get the chemistry back when he left. Rob said he can't recommend grabbing the neck of the network guy and throw him off the set. Rob said he did that when he was taking some light steroids at the time. Rob said that he turned to the guy and grabbed him and the show was canceled a week later.
Howard asked what Ron Elder was upset about. Rob said that you're an idiot at that age in your late 20s. He said that Jay Leno told him that you have to just stick with it and make the best of a situation. He said it's never going to be perfect. Rob said that he was just about to get his life together at the time and then the show got canceled.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Cheech Marin is Iranian and not Mexican. Howard said that's not true. Rob said the guy is Chicano and he speaks Spanish so that's just not true.
Another caller said he's not sure how he got the scene in the show where he puts candle wax all over his shorts. Howard said they think he fucked the grandmother in the scene. Rob said that the original scene was much worse. He said he was supposed to straighten a Jesus on a cross and he was going to hammer it back on but CBS said they wouldn't let a Jew hammer a Jesus to the cross so they had to change it.
Howard asked Rob about keeping his name and not changing it like so many other stars. Rob said he would like a cooler sounding name. He said that there are a lot of people who do change their names. He said that Jason Alexander changed his last name from Greenspan. He said that he thinks that's a cool last name and he should have kept it. He said he likes that Adam Sandler kept his name and he was always proud of it. Rob said he's proud of his name too.
Howard said that Jerry Seinfeld's name is actually Thomas Payne III. He said it's little known that he took a Jewish name.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin if she's a big Elvis fan. Howard said Rob is. Howard said that Rob is goofing on Elvis. The caller wanted to know if Robin was a fan. Howard told him to forget about her for a minute. Howard asked Rob about doing his Elvis impression and if it was a goof. Rob said the guy was just a truck driver who didn't know how to handle his fame. Rob said that when you get into show business you find out what it's really like and he's not that crazy.
Rob said his cousin was friends with a girl who Elvis almost killed. He said that this girl overdosed with Elvis and she almost died. She was only 16 at the time. Rob said if he had gotten busted like some of these other guys did then maybe he could have survived. He said that everyone let him do what he wanted so he's hoping that's what happens with him too.
Howard gave Rob a plug for his show that's on Thursday nights on CBS. Howard let Rob go a short time later.
Robin said she is reading a lot f things on the internet about Cheech being Iranian. Howard told her not to tell Rob that. Howard said that there's no way he's Iranian. Howard said he's Hispanic. Howard said that he thinks that Cheech has made fun of that in his act and he's said that he's Iranian and then it becomes factual. Howard said that's what really happened. It was a joke. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Benjy and Elisa's song ''Online Sweetheart'' was played during a newscast. Howard said this is unbelievable to him. He played the clip of the newscast where they played the song. Howard laughed when he heard it. Howard said that was in Cleveland.
Howard asked Benjy how it happened. Benjy said he thinks that Lisa G did an interview and the producer of the news knew the song and it was an important song. Benjy said Howard doesn't like that genre of music. Howard said he does too. He likes pop music. Howard said he doesn't think the song is a hit song. Benjy said he doesn't think he thinks it's horrible. Howard said it is not a good song. Benjy said it's a great song. Robin said she doesn't think it's a great song. Howard said it's not great. He said it's fine for a first attempt. He said he should go back and make more.
Fred said the song is mediocre. Fred said it reminds him of what you hear in high school musical and shows on Nickelodeon. Benjy said the song is a great song.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. Howard asked if he gained some weight. Jon said he's trying to lose some weight but he hasn't gained. Robin said it might be him losing his tan that makes him look bigger.
Howard asked Jon if he thinks Benjy's song is good. Jon said he doesn't give his opinion. He said that he has a concert on Monday night so they'll be there to cover it. Howard asked if they'll perform that song live. Benjy said yes. Benjy said Elisa will be playing her songs and he'll perform that one song. Jon said that he is featured in the ad for the show.
Jon said they have breaking news about Scott DePace and how he thinks that Brian Phelan is the one who doesn't like him. Howard said he heard the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Ronnie said that there is someone there who can't stand him. Howard said he was wondering who it was. He heard that it was Brian Phelan. Jon said Scott believes it's Brian because he's given him questionable reviews for his work. Jon said Scott has said that he has told Brian that if he doesn't like it then he can go find a job somewhere else. Jon said that Brian claims he has a bomb he can drop about Scott if this keeps going on.
Howard asked the guys to come in and explain themselves. Howard said he thought everyone loved Brian. Brian came in and said that according to Scott DePace he's not a good worker. Howard said he thinks he's a terrific guy. He said he's been with the show for 14 years.
Scott DePace came in and said that Brian is fine. He said he knows Brian has talked badly about him. He said he takes work issues as personal. He said that he doesn't like that. Brian said he doesn't talk about Scott the way he thinks he does. Brian said he knows there are other people who don't like him at Howard TV. He said that elephant shit was sent to him from someone at Howard TV. Scott said that some web site sent it to him and he gave it to Tracey. He said that he didn't know it was from someone at Howard TV. Brian didn't want to say who sent it.
Jon asked if it's someone who still works there. Brian said he doesn't know. Scott asked if it's someone who works directly beneath him. Brian wasn't saying anything else about who it was.
Howard said he understands Scott's situation. He cares about his work and he has to be critical with guys that he likes. Brian said he understands that. He said he isn't the one who said stuff about Scott. Scott said he knows he has said things about him. He said it's not that simple. He said Brian doesn't like him because of their working relationship. Scott said he wants work to be performed at a level he wants and that's just him being a boss.
Howard asked what this big bomb is. Brian said that was the story he just told about the elephant shit. He said that he wasn't the one who sent it. He said he's not that creative. Scott said that whoever did it wasted their money. He said it meant nothing to him. Gary asked if it means something to him now. Scott said he is surprised more than anything. Howard said Brian has a bomb on the person who sent it.
Scott said that he's just being a boss. Brian said that he never stops talking politics and that's what the issue is. He said he's not that bad as a boss. He said the politics is annoying. Howard said he really loves politics. Scott said he brought up just one thing today. Brian said that he had Will come in to read a story about it though. Scott said that he can have a conversation and that's what he's doing. Brian said that's fine but it's annoying. Scott said he can fuck off then.
Howard asked Brian if he gets annoyed with Scott when he's working on his web site during the show. Brian said that doesn't annoy him. He said it's the politics talk that's annoying. Scott said that Brian talks about drinking and smoking pot and he doesn't like that. He said he and Ronnie talk about stuff and that's annoying too. Brian said he doesn't bring it up on the air. He said he has no problem with him being the boss. Scott said he doesn't think he's being honest.
Jon was explaining what he had found out with Scott and Brian and Howard said that this is what the news department is up to. He said this is what he created. Howard said that he's there working and everyone is talking politics, partying and smoking pot. Howard said they should get to work.
Jon said that Scott was very candid with him and he appreciates that. Scott said he won't be anymore. He said he's calling him into question with this story. Jon said that Scott isn't going to bullshit you and that's what he likes. He said there are others around there who are not. Howard said he's shocked that anyone can afford elephant shit to mail. Howard asked what's up with the frivolous money that people are throwing around.
Howard said that he imagines Scott sitting back there talking about rush Limbaugh. Scott said he doesn't do that all that much. He said he's really not that political.
Jon asked Scott who he thinks sent him the elephant shit. Scott said no comment at first. Then he said that he isn't sure. Howard figured it was Richie Wilson. Richie said it's not him. He said it's genius and he would admit it if it was him. Richie said he would have shit in the box himself. Scott said it must be a key player. He said that it might be someone who hasn't been there that long. He didn't think it was Gange or Goodstein. He didn't think it was Sussy but it could be. He said he heard some things about him. Gary asked what he heard. Scott said he heard that someone else he worked for had to help him from time to time because he was too hard on him. Howard said he likes that he's a hard ass. Scott said he was nothing but complimentary with Sussy though so he's not sure where that came from.
Howard said he might be too nice a guy. Brian told Scott to tell Howard about the page numbering thing. Scott said he's tired of hearing Howard asking what page the sound clips are on. He said they should just have page numbers. Howard said he's a genius and he should be in charge around there. Jon asked if he thinks he could do a better job than Gary. Scott said he's not going to say that.
Howard said Brian had better get his shit together. Brian said that he brought up the page number thing. He said that Scott was afraid to bring it up.
Jon said that he thinks that he's done with Scott and Brian. Howard said they can go if they want. Benjy said that Brian knows who sent the elephant shit. He asked if everyone knows. Brian said that person told him but he may not have told everyone. Scott said the elephant shit doesn't bother him. He said that the person who sent it must not be that bright. Howard said he thinks that the person must not work there anymore. If you do that then you're looking to get fired. Brian said this was 3-4 years ago. Howard said that it doesn't matter. Doug came in and asked if the person still works there. Brian said he's not saying. Doug said he will find out and fire that person because that's very disturbing. Scott said they did do an investigation back then and they didn't find out who sent it. That led to Howard and Fred goofing on Ronnie about the whole investigation thing. They did impressions of him talking about how he suspects the post office and people like that. Howard was saying they'd figure it out in 15 years or so.
Ronnie came in and asked how he got involved in this. Howard asked if he ever found anything out. Ronnie said he didn't but he asked why he was involved. Ronnie said he had nothing to do with it. He said they did look into it but they weren't able to find anything out. Ronnie said Sirius security got involved in it too but they weren't able to figure anything out.
Ronnie said he heard the news story Scott did and he doesn't get him. He said he's fine with him but he did say that the only friends he has are people in the strip clubs. Scott said he was just joking around.
Howard asked what's going on with the elephant shit case. Ronnie said it's a cold case at this point. He said they never were able to track it back to anyone. Scott said they have a new clue now. He should look into it again. Fred was doing his Ronnie impression talking about how they found out what it was by a hoof print and the hay in the shit.
Brian said that the elephant shit had something to do with him being a republican. Howard said they should get back to work and try to get along. Ronnie said they have to get to Ass Napkin Ed. He said he's loaded already.
Howard said that he likes that DePace is running a tight ship back there. Jon said he had a couple more quick things. He said Shuli is out in New Mexico with Eric the Midget. He said they have more stuff coming in about that. He also said they have a story about Benjy having a problem with what Howard said about Joe Paterno. Howard said he doesn't care about that. He doesn't want to get involved with Benjy.
Jon said they have a new story about spending a day with people connected to the show. Jon said that the special is called ''Embedded'' and they did one with Debbie the Pet Lady. He said Mariann from Brooklyn will be the next one this week.
Howard let Jon go after that and said he figured that they'd run out of stories to tell with the news department after a week. He said they're still going strong after all these years. Howard said he had to take a break but he'd play Sal and Richard's new phony phone call one more time. Howard said he also has audio of a guy cumming loudly in a porn. He was about to play that but he had an elephant on the phone. He took that call and the guys in the back were playing elephant sounds with shitting sounds too. It was the same clips over and over so Howard bailed on that.
Howard played the guy who was cumming too loudly clip. Howard said it sounds like Ronnie at one of his appearances. He said the guy had an electrical cord wrapped around his penis in that clip. That might be why he was making that noise. Howard played the Sal and Richard prank call to Swap Shop as they were going to break.
Howard came back and sang along to the song Fred was playing. Howard asked if he sounded like Robert Plant. Robin just laughed. She said he was very close so Robert should be worried.
Howard took a call from a guy who quoted Riley Martin and got Howard quoting a bunch of wacky people who have been on the show including Riley. The caller said he wanted to comment on the cat fight yesterday with Joan Rivers and Chelsea Handler. Howard said he saw that some news programs picked up on that story. He said it was really very funny and some of the news stories picked up on it. He had a clip from The Insider where they talked about the fight and played some clips. Howard said that was good. He said Joan was on fire yesterday and Chelsea was on fire the other day too.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he thinks that it's cheating if you talk on the phone to another woman. The caller said he is talking to this woman and keeping it secret from his wife and she found the phone bill. Howard said he doesn't understand what he's talking about. He asked if he's flirting and making sexual references. The caller basically said it's like an emotional friend kind of thing. Howard said it is wrong if you conceal it from your wife. Robin said that you know it's wrong if you want to conceal it. Howard said he's fantasizing about another woman and that takes you out of the marriage. Howard said if that's the way you feel then you have to give it up if you want to keep the marriage going.
Howard said the caller must know he's up to nonsense. The caller said he does. Howard asked what he thinks he's going to do. He said he's going to stop talking to the other person and respect his wife. Howard said that's what he should do. He said he should realize there are consequences to doing things like that. Howard said if he doesn't feel the love for his wife then he should be honest with her about that too.
Howard asked how he met this other woman. The caller said he met her on Facebook. Howard said Facebook is the greatest place to meet chicks.
The caller asked Howard about going to Austin and where he's going to be if he is. Howard said he will be there and he has asked the people from America's Got Talent for tickets. He said he's still working on that. He doesn't know the location yet though. Howard said some cities they don't have locations yet.
The caller was going to ask to play a game but he figured that he wouldn't want him to do that. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said that Jasmine is very attractive. Howard asked Ed what he drank this morning. Ed said he had Baccardi out of the bottle. Howard said that he's actually pretty good on the air when he's not hammered.
Jasmine is from Florida and Howard said she has a weird accent. She said that she's from New York and she learned Spanish first so that might be the accent.
Howard asked Jasmine if she blew Ed last night. Ed said she did. Howard asked if that was the arrangement. Ed said that's not what it was. Howard asked if having sex with him was something she wanted to do. She said she just wants to have fun. Ed said he fucked her too. Howard said ''Wow'' and asked if he had to bring her on the show to fuck her. Ed said he didn't.
Ed said he met Jasmine on another radio show on the internet. She said that they were talking on the phone and she lied what he was saying. Howard said they were kissing and it was gross. He asked if Jasmine was grossed out. She said he doesn't smell or taste like alcohol.
Howard asked if Ed didn't finish last night. Jasmine said that he didn't cum but she had to run out so when she came back he was sleeping. Howard asked if he really fucked her. She said he did. Howard asked when he did it. She said it was after the blow job. She said they took a break and he never came. Howard gave them another ''Wow'' when he heard that.
Ed had Jasmine show her ass. Howard said she has to be the hottest chick he's ever had. Ed said she's got a great ass. Howard said they have their picture up on Twitter (@SternShow).
Howard asked if Ed wore a condom. Jasmine said he didn't. Jasmine said that he did say he wanted to drop his baby in her. Ed said he didn't wear a condom but he uses Magnums when he does. Howard asked if he's that big. Jasmine said he is pretty big. Howard asked how big it is. She said that he's not thick like a black cock but he's big enough.
Howard asked if he's more than 6 inches. Ed said he's like 9. Howard asked Jasmine if he really is. Jasmine said she didn't measure.
Howard asked Jasmine why she didn't make him wear a condom. Jasmine said she emailed him her test. She said that he claims he hasn't slept around and she believes that. Howard said he believes it too. Howard said Ed was touching her and all over her on the couch. Howard asked if they're fake boobs. She said they are.
Howard asked Jasmine when she got into porn. She said it was 2005 when she was 19 years old. She's made maybe 150 movies since then. Ed asked Ronnie to bring his bag in there. Howard asked what he needs. Ed said he wants Howard to sign something for him. Howard told him to take it easy.
Howard said Jasmine is promoting her movie ''Ass Factory'' today. Robin laughed when she heard that. Howard asked what the plot is. Jasmine said that it's from Jules Jordan and it's an interracial movie. Howard asked Ed what he's doing. Ed told Howard to go ahead. Jasmine said he has a foot fetish.
Howard asked if they see anal in this movie. She said she's been doing anal a long time. She said that it can be good and not painful if it's done right. Ed blurted out ''Where's Fred?'' so Howard had to ask him to calm down again.
Howard said Jasmine tried to do double penetration anal but that didn't work out. Howard asked if it was two black guys. She said that it was two white guys and she got one in and tried to get the second one in. Howard said he doesn't understand how they get that in there. He's not sure how the two guys do it. Jasmine said that one is behind and one comes in from the top. Howard said that sounds like a lot to handle. She said she might be able to handle it now. She said she's been doing it for a while so she's getting used to it.
Howard asked Jasmine if she knows why Ed is called Ass Napkin Ed. She said he doesn't want any drainage. Howard asked Ed why he wears the napkin in there. Ed said his asshole is bad. He said that he doesn't drip but he's got something going on back there.
Howard said he heard that Jasmine is an escort. He asked how that works. Jasmine said it's part of the industry and she has no problem meeting people. Howard asked why Ed was eating her hair. She said he might be smelling it. Jasmine said she doesn't mind hooking up with different guys. Ed said Howard is an asshole. He said he was just smelling her hair.
Howard asked if Ed went down on her last night. Ed said he did. Howard asked if there's hair down there. Jasmine said she shaves it all off. Howard asked if he was good. Jasmine said that he man handled her and he was on top of her and went at it. She said he had no problem doing it. She said neither of them came though.
Howard asked Jasmine what she charges for a weekend. She said she would charge like 10 grand. Howard said that must be some experience. Howard asked Ed if he's upset with what she does. Ed said he has no problem with it. Ed said that he likes cumming to Howard more than he would with anyone else. Ed said he gets better high than... He was all over the place and not making much sense. Howard asked Ed if he has a tattoo of him. Ed said he does. Howard told him he didn't have to show it. Ed has an 8 19 t-shirt. The 8 stands for H in the alphabet and 19 is for S. Gary pointed that out to Howard.
Howard said he doesn't think that Jasmine would ever be with Ed again after this. Jasmine told him to stop it. Howard said that she claims that she's not with him much because they don't live close but Ed could move closer to her.
Howard asked Jasmine if her parents approve of this lifestyle. She said they don't really. She said that her mom doesn't approve but her dad might assume that she'd doing other things. She said they've never really talked about it. Howard said it might kill the guy to find out.
Howard asked Jasmine about the escorting thing and not knowing if the guy is going to chop her up and put her in a trash bag. Ed told him to stop it. Howard said he's not sure that Ed isn't going to do that. Howard asked if she's ever had anyone tie her up or anything. She said she's never had anything horrible happen. Jasmine said that you can kind of pick up on people before you meet them. She said she likes to work for herself and schedule her own stuff. She said she has had people book stuff for her in the past though.
Howard asked Jasmine if she makes the guys shower before they do her. She said that she will help them wash sometimes. She said that Ed was clean so she didn't have to clean him. Ed said he wanted to kiss right now. Howard asked if she really wanted to do that. She said she would. Howard was grossed out by the whole thing. Fred played some vomiting sounds.
Howard said they are quite the couple. He asked Ed if he was seeing Debbie the Pet Lady. Ed said he has an attorney and he's not allowed to talk about her. Howard asked how he got an attorney. Ed said he can't talk about any of that. Howard asked Ed if he's involved in litigation. Ed said he can't say.
Howard asked if he's sorry he ever met Debbie. Ed said he can't say. Howard said women are always trouble. Even for Ass Napkin Ed. Howard said he likes Debbie so he's sorry to hear that. Ed said they may even subpoena Howard. Howard said that's just what he needs.
Howard said that Jasmine could be carrying Ed's baby. She'll have a Special Ed if she has a baby. Jasmine said she's never had any accidents in the past. She said that he didn't cum either. Howard said he could have had some pre-cum in there. Ed said that's right. Howard asked if she has guys cum in her. She said she has and she's never had an accident. Howard said she must be very good at her job.
Ed asked Jasmine to touch him. Fred played some more vomit sounds. Ed had a wet spot on his pants. He said he spilled water on himself but Howard said he may have peed himself. Ed said he spilled water on there.
Howard said Jasmine will be at the Mustang Ranch in Reno on March 4th. Howard asked if she can make good money there. She said she's still working the details but she will be there on that day. She said that will be her first time in Reno. Howard asked how many guys she can handle in a day. She said she prefers not to do too many in one day. The most she's ever done in a day was 8. She said that was all intercourse.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ed is doing good for himself so fuck that Debbie the Pet Lady. Howard said he was nibbling on her neck the whole time.
Ed asked if he could bring his friend Dina in. Howard said no. Howard took another call from a guy who asked Jasmine if she'd let a guy spank her ass or has she ever thought about killing herself. Howard asked if Ed has ever thought of doing that. Ed said he has. Howard asked what the reasons were. Ed said he doesn't fucking know.
Howard asked Jasmine if she likes being spanked. Jasmine said she's not a big fan of slapping but she likes to be choked a little bit too. Howard asked if she's glad that Ed didn't cum. She said that she wasn't hoping for it. She wanted him to blow a load in her mouth actually. Ed asked if she would swallow. She said she would.
Ed asked if she'd let him fuck her in the ass. Jasmine said maybe they can try that later. Howard said they seem to be hitting it off.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how she can say she charges 10 grand but she's letting this dirt ball fuck her. He said her price just dropped to 2 grand. Jasmine said she wanted to do this and she's not going to charge him to be in her movie. She said that it's a different type of situation. Howard said some people might be jealous of Ed. He said she's an attractive person and some people might be upset. Ed said he's attractive too. Jasmine said he is attractive. Howard said he looks a little like Marc Anthony. Ed didn't even know who that was. Howard said he used to be married to J-Lo.
Howard said it was wonderful meeting Jasmine. He gave her some plugs and started to wrap up with the two of them. Ed asked if he would sign his book. Howard said no. Ed asked why he had to be like that. Howard said he asked a question and he gave him an answer.
Howard wished Jasmine luck with her career. He asked when she lost her virginity. She said she was 14. Howard asked Ed if he had anything to plug. Ed showed his ''8 19'' shirt but he said he's not selling them. They went to break a short time later.
Howard had Robin get to her news after a song parody. Howard asked why his computer page was wiped clean. Gary said Scott accidentally did that. Howard asked how he did that. Gary said he can't speak for him. Gary said he may have been loading the news and accidentally deleted it. Scott came in but Howard said he doesn't want to see him. Scott said that's the first time he's ever done something like that. Howard said he just went to play something and it was gone. Howard said he wants to figure out a way to keep him locked out of stuff.
Howard said he doesn't want anyone to have access. Howard said no one is allowed to be on that page. Howard asked how he got on it. Scott said they all have access. Howard said he just erased everything he just did. Howard said it was like he just took 50 photographs and he just erased them. Scott said they're still in the system. Howard said he knows that but now he has to go back and figure out what was on there.
Howard said he had about 16 things on that page. Scott said it only holds 11. Howard said it holds more than that. Howard said he wouldn't erase his boss's page. He said that's a major screw up.
Howard asked Scott when he's going bowling. Scott said it's at the end of February. Howard told Tim that he just accidentally erased Scott's paycheck for the week. Howard said he has no idea what was on that page. Gary said he's checking into it to see if he has a way to recover what he erased. Scott said he already made that phone call. Howard said Scott should do less comedy shows and concentrate on this stuff instead.
Howard said he heard Scott is going to make sure he gets out of there at 10:30 to go bowling during the bowling tournament. Howard said he wants to hang himself. Scott said maybe he should hang himself. Howard said that maybe they can do it together.
Howard wondered how you erase a page like that. He said he's going to obsess over what he had on that page. He said he pulls everything over to play on the show and now it's all gone. Howard did his impression of Scott for a few seconds. He had Ralph on the phone so Ralph was laughing.
Howard said everyone's job there is to not get in his way and you'll have a job for life. Howard said Scott just erased his whole page. He said he can't believe this. Ralph asked if he's sabotaging his breakfast too. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said that page is what he works on all week long. He said that's the structure of the show. He said he can't remember what's on there. He said that's why he has that page. He said his head is so fucked up. Howard said he'll be there for two hours after the show trying to fix it. Howard said Scott has that big bowling tournament on his mind. Howard asked Gary to look into it and find out why Scott has access. Gary said he does load the news but he might be able to lock him out of his page. Howard asked why he has access. He said there has to be a way to lock him out.
Howard said he seems to be stuck with people for life when they work there. Howard said he's going to be such a hard ass on America's Got Talent. He said they had better pull their own weight on that show. Howard said he likes that they're hiring him because she's a tough judge but he can't even fire someone. He mentioned the elephant shit thing. Ralph said that's what he's calling in about and said that's a pretty major thing. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Robin finally got to her news. She started off with a story about a Star Trek fan who turned his apartment into a replica of the Starship Enterprise. Robin said the whole house looks like the Enterprise. Robin said the guy is divorcing and the wife is kicking him out so the replica will be dismantled. Robin said that they say it would cost him $150,000 to recreate this in another apartment. Robin said the guy cried when he found out he wasn't going to be able to live there.
Robin read about the upcoming Super Bowl and what some people are going to be doing. Robin said that a rapper is going to bet $5 million on the Patriots to beat the Giants. Howard said he saw that 50 Cent won big money on the Giants last week. He said he has to interview him about that. Howard said he has to find out what he's betting to be able to win $500,000. Robin said this Birdman guy bet a million on the Packers last year.
Robin read about a case that Garth Brooks was involved with. He won a case against a hospital that used his money but didn't put his mother's name on a wing. Robin said he sued and now they have to pay him a million dollars.
Howard said he sees a lot of rich guys give money and asked for their name to be put on something. He said he never asks for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's whining like a cunt about Scott making a mistake. He said that people do make mistakes. Howard said he'll apologize to him then. He said that maybe he was emasculating him. He called Scott in there to apologize. The caller said that Howard said this stuff is for the whole week and his week is over in like 15 minutes. Howard said it's an ongoing thing.
Scott came in and he was upset. He said that his dog is sick and she almost died on Sunday. Howard asked if this is the dog that he wanted to get rid of. Scott said that's the dog. She had some kind of infection.
Scott told Howard he doesn't have to apologize. He said he gets it. Howard said he could have handled things better. He said he could have handled things better. He said he got upset when he saw the week old page blank. He said he should have been calmer. He said he was fucking annoyed by the whole thing since he had put so much work into that fucking page. Scott told him he could stop there. Howard said he didn't mean to emasculate him. He said he was lost in the moment and he lost it. Scott accepted and said it won't happen again.
The caller said that Howard doesn't usually own up to it when he fucks up. Howard let that guy go. Howard said he's still steaming.
Robin read a story about Cynthia Nixon and how she took up with a woman who she's been in a long term relationship with. Robin said she gave a speech to a gay organization and she said that Lesbianism is a choice. Howard asked Robin if she believes that. Robin said there may be spectrums of sexuality. She said that some are bi-sexual and some are more than others. Howard said it's not a choice. Robin said if she's bi-sexual then some may have more choices than others. Robin said there are people who are upset with her for saying that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that if Howard had let Scott go bowling he might still have his page. Howard said he can't believe the whole page is gone. He said that every single thing is gone. Scott came back in and said that he loads Robin's news and the first page that shows up is Howard's. He said that he usually clears out the news clips and he hit the button on the wrong page. That's how he did it. Howard said if he wants to go to that Vegas tournament then he should go. Howard said that explains it. He wasn't paying attention.
Howard took a call from Debbie the Pet Lady who said she wants an answer from him right now. She was screaming at him. She said they turned Howard against her. Howard said he likes her. She said he does not. Howard said he does. Debbie said she's taking Ed to court because of what he's been doing to her. She said that he was using her. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. Howard said he should be able to work things out between them. Debbie said she wants just one favor. She told him to tell Ed to stop turning people against her. Howard said he doesn't think he's behind this at all. She screamed that he is. Howard said he's looking into it. Howard let her go, did a live commercial and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:55am, we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a woman using Tradio show host audio clips. Fred played AC/DC's ''Back In Black'' as they were coming back. He played Robin's ''Cocaine'' clips while that was playing.
Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about a study that was done that showed hallucinogenic mushrooms might be a cure for depression. Howard said he tried shrooms when he was young and he figured that the other people on shrooms were faking their high. He said that he wasn't having a good time on them. He said it was the worst thing he ever decided to do.
Robin read about Madonna and how she's finding out it's tough to put together a half time show for the Super Bowl. Howard said she should slow down the plastic surgery. Robin said she thinks that she's putting something into her face and it will settle down by the time the half time show rolls around. Howard said he likes when she flexes her arms thinking that it looks good. He said those things are scary. Robin said that Madonna told reporters that she's really tired from working so hard on the half time show.
Robin read about Jimmy Fallon being involved in a lawsuit. A fired staffer claims that Jimmy only likes to hire women. The guy claims that he was dropped in favor of a totally incompetent woman. Howard said if Jimmy wants to be surrounded by incompetent people then just let him. Robin said this guy is upset that he got fired. Howard said he likes to be surrounded by incompetent men.
Robin read about a 48 year old woman who slept with a 13 year old boy. Howard said he could only dream about something like that happening to him. No woman was willing to go to prison for him. Robin read more details about that case and how this woman had this sexual encounter. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about how a lot of Germans are still anti-Semitic. Robin said that there is more in other countries as well. Howard said Poland is the worst. Howard said Germany is having hard times but they got rid of all the Jews so they're not sure who to blame.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she was watching Howard TV all night long. She said that he's going to be in Austin on March 17th and 18th because that's when they're doing it there. She also asked if he's going to be on Letterman. Howard said that he's not sure if he's going to do it. Howard let Mariann go in the middle of a sentence.
Robin read about Whitney Houston and how she's kicked her crack addiction. Howard said he doesn't even have anything funny to say about her. He said she was such a sweetheart and a beauty when she was younger.
Robin read about President Obama performing at an event over the weekend. Robin said his song has become a ringtone. Robin had some audio of that song that she had Howard play. Howard tried singing it but Fred played dog barking sounds. Howard said he would put himself through on America's Got Talent. Howard said they actually sent him a buzzer so he can practice hitting it during the show.
Robin said that the President gave his state of the union address last night. She had some audio clips from that. Howard said he likes it better when he sings. He played the singing clip again. Robin had some other audio clips of people talking about Obama's speech.
Robin read about Mitt Romney revealing his tax return. She had some audio of some people talking about that.
Robin read about some old recordings of JFK that were found. That led to Howard doing his Kennedy impression for a couple of minutes.
Robin read about Jorge Posada announcing his retirement yesterday. Howard said the guy was crying like crazy at the press conference. He said he'd play it for Robin but he thinks it got erased. He said it's actually there so he played some of the press conference. Jorge thanked his family and then broke down crying. Howard said he's a bi-lingual crier. He said he was crying in Spanish and in English. Howard said when he retires there won't be any tears. He said that he's done radio long enough. He did an impression of what it might sound like if he did cry when he announced his retirement.
Robin read about Giselle Bundchen making about $45 million a year modeling. Howard said he has to talk to Beth about this. He said she models too. He said she's not making that kind of money.
Robin read about Seal and Heidi Klum's separation and Seal was on Ellen's show. She had some audio of him talking to Ellen. She had some audio of him singing on the show too.
Robin read about Oprah Winfrey's cable network getting more of Oprah since her shows are bringing in the ratings.
Robin also mentioned that Demi Moore was taken away to the hospital after someone dialed 9-1-1 from her home. Robin said that TMZ had some details about the call and what happened to her that night. She was brought to the hospital after a half hour evaluation by paramedics. Howard said women have broken up with him and nothing has happened to them. He said this Ashton Kutcher breaks up and the woman ends up in the hospital. Robin said they say that she's being placed in a facility to possibly be treated for substance abuse. Robin said her reps are saying that she's seeking help for exhaustion. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:30am.
Gary said the pages they have are on the computer and Howard can pull things over to his page so he can play them when he wants to. He said he isn't sure Howard can recreate what he had there. He said he felt bad for Scott because it was an honest mistake. Jon said that it's just not good. Gary said that Howard got to play a bunch of the stuff that was on there this morning but now it's all gone.
Gary said he remembers fucking up and how there's nothing you can say or do. He said you don't know when it's going to end either. Jon said that it's best to just cop to it and admit you fucked up. Gary said that's true but Howard doesn't care and he'll keep going after you. He said it's like he's kicking the shit out of you and you just cover your face waiting for it to stop. Gary said he used to take that kind of stuff all the time.
Gary said Jason thought that it was a fake thing and Howard would apologize during the breaks. Gary said he told him that it was never like that and he really had to take the abuse.
Benjy said he understands Howard's point of view. He said it's like erasing someone's term paper. Gary said that's exactly what it's like. He said Howard works on that page and needs that stuff for the show.
Scott came in so Jon asked if he was surprised at Howard's apology. Scott said he was. He said that shouldn't have ever happened though. He said he told Gary about it right away. He didn't just leave it there for Howard to find. He said that was the only thing he could do.
Jon and Gary also talked about Scott DePace and his elephant shit story. Gary said he didn't know that Scott and Brian didn't get along back there. He figured they all got along. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that it must make for an awkward control room. Doug Goodstein said that's true. He said that he did find out who mailed the package to Scott and that person no longer works there. He said that the person has been gone and he didn't have to fire him. He said he would have had to have fired that person if he was still there. Doug said that's what he got from the higher ups at the company.
Jon asked if it's really a fireable offense. Gary said it is emotionally. He said that if it's not really elephant shit then he's not sure. Doug said that it's not professional and it's something that's juvenile. Gary said that it took him 7 months to get someone fired because of the process that you have to go through.
Jon said that Scott was getting some praise for the way he controls things back there. Scott said that he was relieved to hear Howard's praising. Jon asked if he was surprised about the elephant shit thing. Scott said that he found out who the person was that sent it and he will confront that person and see what they have to say. Gary asked what he's going to do that for. Scott said he wants to know if it's true. He said if that person denies it then he'll keep an eye out for who it really is.
Scott said he doesn't want to feel that someone is out to get him in some way. He said if that person mans up then he's fine with it and he'll try to get along. Gary asked if he's going to keep trying to get along with that person. Scott said it was a waste of money and it really wasn't a big deal to him at the time.
Jon asked Ronnie if he has a problem with Scott. Ronnie said he just coughed. Ronnie asked Scott if he had someone say they don't like him, would he let them work for him. Scott said that he would but he has to treat that relationship with kid gloves.
Doug said Scott is doing 10 things at once back there and he will get abrasive if someone keeps fucking up. Scott said he's heard directors tell people that they fucked him after having a camera out of focus and then that night they'll be out drinking and laughing together. This is just work.
Gary said the TV show has always been very clique-y. Gary said that Scott has made up names for people back there and he's brutal. He said he's heard Scott say that he has to like the people he works with back there. Scott said he's had a few people who they didn't like and there were some strange dudes. Scott said he wouldn't want to work with them every day.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that if someone works with him and comes clean there's no way he's going to be able to work with them. He said he's going to find a way to get rid of them.
Benjy asked Doug if Brian had to tell him who it was. Doug said he told Brian that he had to tell him or he'd have to pass it along to the higher ups and they'd handle it. Doug said that he passed the name along to the person who asked about it. Scott said that he liked this guy and thought they were friends. He said he's done some things for the person and if this is the person who actually did it he'd be upset. He said that he doesn't think he'd want to be friends with the person if that's who really did it.
Doug said he told Brian this had nothing to do with his friendship. He said that they work together and he had to do this and find out who it was.
Gary said that he had a guy who worked there and he had no idea that the guy hated him until he came on the air and said it. He said that he still hates that guy to this day now that he knows that he didn't like him. Gary said that if someone called there asking about a job for the guy he'd have to say that he's got nothing to say about him.
Jon asked Scott about the page numbering suggestion he had for Howard today. Scott said he thinks that they could figure out a better way to do things. Gary said that they still have to say what color the pages are. Scott said they could number it so they don't have to give the color. Gary said their jobs are very different and it seems like a great system but he thinks this gives it personality and it's something you kind of know what it's going to be if you say it's on JD page in pink. Gary said if you say it's on page 37 you still have to say where it is. Scott said that he could just say it's on 7-3 and it's on page 7 and number 3 on the page. Gary didn't think that would work.
Gary said he doesn't think that Scott could do his job when it comes to working with people and talking to people. Gary said he thinks that if Howard gave him shit Scott would tell him to go fuck himself. Doug said he would be out of the studio as soon as Howard yelled at him. Gary asked if he could sit there and be yelled at like Scott the Engineer would. Scott said he doesn't think that Howard would do that to him. He said that if something came up for the first time, that's the last time it would happen. Scott said he's a professional and that kind of thing wouldn't happen. He said when he does make a mistake he owns up to it.
Gary said that Howard might give him shit about being bald and coaching on the weekends. Gary doesn't think Scott could take it.
Ronnie said he thinks that Scott would snap. Gary said he can see the vein's on the side of his head bulging. Jon said maybe he should take the job for a week.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott is a bad pet owner. He wanted him to repeat after him about beating his dog with the paper. Scott refused and said he had a great time with the dog last night. They had to take another break after that.
Jon said that Rob talked about not changing his name even though it's kind of hard to remember. Gary said he was going to change his name to Gary Dell. He said that it just didn't sound right. Gary said Howard wanted him to change it to something else though. Gary said Howard wrote about how he got the spelling of Dell'Abate and it was something about his grandfather coming over and on Ellis Island he sneezed and they thought the snot was an apostrophe. He said his father loved that story.
Benjy said he loves his name. Gary said he changed it though. Benjy said that he loves it and he wouldn't change it. Benjy said that there is no name there that could beat Benjamin Bronk.
Jon asked Doug if he likes his name. Doug said he wishes his first name was Zachary. He said he was born Douglas Zachary. He said he did change it in college as a goof.
Jon said that Tim Sabean was Tim Kelly for a while. Jon asked Scott if he would ever change it. Scott said no way. He said he knew guys like Dr. Butz who was an ass doctor. Gary said he knew a woman who was getting married and she didn't want to take the last name and the family was upset about it because it was like a badge of honor for them to keep it going.
Jon asked Gary about Ass Napkin Ed and if he was really leaking on the couch. Gary said Tim checked it and he wasn't leaking. He really did just spill water.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows Scott fucked up today and he just anted to thank everyone for keeping him going all day while he's on border patrol in Laredo, Texas. They had to end the show after that. They were done around 11:15am.
In the clip Robin and Howard were talking about coverage of the OJ Simpson trial and how E! covered it. Robin told Howard about what she saw and how they had a picture of OJ handing flowers to his daughter and she had a very strange look on her face like she was being kidnapped. Howard said he didn't see that. Robin told Howard where the photo was and how it looked like he was spiriting her away.
Howard said OJ's older daughter is a piece of ass. He said he'd like to do the commentary on E! so he could talk about Arnell. Howard said they're talking about this jury like this is some kind of mob trial. They're trying to keep them in hiding and out of harm's way. He said that they're not going to be at risk like a mob jury would be.
Robin told Howard some other news about the trial that she had in her news. Howard said it's weird how they're trying to convince the jury that OJ is innocent. He said they're talking about how the police put evidence in the same bag and that makes him innocent. Howard talked about some of the other stuff that they were saying in the trial to make it seem like he's innocent. Robin said the jury has to decide the case based on reasonable doubt. Robin said he's off if he has just one juror that's on his side. Howard said it seems like even the educated commentators are shocked by what's going on.
Howard said he's just trying to protect his next girlfriend. He wants the guy to be found guilty. Robin said that they have more to do in the trial. Howard said it's obvious he did it to him. He said that if he was a juror he'd be sleeping. Howard said he saw OJ in person a couple of times and saw him take Tawny Kitaen and dip her backwards as he kissed her. He said that guy is strong because Tawny isn't a small girl.
Tom Chiusano came in and talked about the case with Howard. They were talking about what they've been seeing and what a joke the whole thing is. Howard said this is just a TV show and it's not a real trial. Howard said people think they're seeing justice but it's really not. Tom said that OJ bought the best defence he could buy. Howard said this is not justice, it's show business.
Robin said she saw how they have these animated cartoons made up for the crime. She said that this one guy accused of killing his mother had one made and they made it look like his mother fell down the stairs after arguing with the son. Robin said money doesn't always win. She said this guy was found guilty after seeing the animated cartoon. Howard said he'd get Billy to do the voices in the cartoon like he was doing Ren and Stimpy. He said he can't even get an animated opening for the TV show. He's been trying for months.
Howard talked about the maid and AC Cowling and what was going on with that stuff. Robin said she's not sure why this woman wouldn't want to testify for him. She said that if she saved his life then you'd think she'd want to do that.
Howard said he doesn't buy what they're saying about the times that the cars were seen. He said you don't look outside to see when a car is parked. Jackie said ''Let me check... just in case there's a murder.''
Howard said that Johnny Cochran is a better actor than the other two. Robin said that it seems like L.A. Law to her when she watches him.
Howard said they've been working on this trial for 7 months now and you wouldn't think that they'd have to read out of a book. He said that they don't seem to be putting a lot of effort into this whole thing. Robin said they said that Johnny was home going over what the prosecutor's office was saying so he could use that stuff the next day. Howard said that guy is like a preacher the way he talks.
Howard was goofing on the jurors and talking about how they were falling for Johnny Cochran and his B.S. preacher-like stuff. Robin said it sounds like only the black women on the jury are falling for that according to Howard. Howard was doing his black voice for the juror.
Howard Argues With Singer Patty Smyth. 01/26/05. 8:50am
Howard said that things were going to get uncomfortable in a minute. Patty Smyth was coming in and Howard knew that she was going to be pissed. She came walking in as Howard was talking about what went on. Patty said that she read some of Howard's comments on his web site and she was a little upset about how he said that her getting back together with Scandal was ''big in her world.'' Patty said that she and Howard really don't have a friendship. She realized that after all of this stuff started.
Howard explained how Gary got a call from Patty asking to come on the show. That week they had turned down Hall and Oates and Billy Idol. They weren't going to have Patty on but she didn't like being lumped into that group. Howard said that he and Patty like each other very much and even IM each other once in a while. She said she even ran with Howard once and almost died doing that. Howard played the message that Patty left on his voice mail. Patty said that they were turned down because they weren't in their demographic which she thought was a bunch of bull. She thought that she was either too old or that Howard was too big to have her on the show. Patty said that she didn't like the B.S. Story she was given and wanted to hear from Howard about what the real reason was. Patty didn't think that the message was all that ''blistering'' like Howard thought it was. Patty said that her feelings were hurt and that's what she was letting Howard know.
Howard told Patty that if he had her on the show, he would ask her about her husband, John McEnroe, and stuff like that. Patty said they always have fun when she's on the show and couldn't understand why they wouldn't have her on. Howard told her that Gary was trying to let her down easy, that's why they told her people that they were out of the demographics. Howard said that he's a fan of Scandal and he might even go see the band but he didn't want to tell Patty not to come on the show. They weren't trying to be mean, they were just trying to let them down easy. Patty said Howard should have called her himself if that was the case. Howard told Patty that calling him to get on the show puts him in a weird position.
Howard said that Patty looked good today and he was feeling bad about the whole thing. He said that he wasn't sure the audience would care that the band was getting back together and perhaps they could have them on at a future date or something. Patty said that's what she would have rather heard. She didn't like what she heard. Gary came in and defended himself telling Patty that last year they only had bands like Hoobastank and Good Charlotte on the show because they get calls from their program directors around the country when they have older bands on the show. Patty seems to think that they've become ''company guys'' over the past few years. Howard said they don't have a lot of bands come in to play these days. Things usually go all wrong and they've cut back on that stuff.
Howard and Patty went back and forth arguing about all of that stuff for a few minutes. Howard also brought up John McEnroe and asked her how he's doing . Patty said that he's doing well but he's home a bit too much so it's time for her to go out and tour. Howard gave her some plugs for the tour she's doing with the band. Artie jokingly told her that they had to rush through the interview because they had REO Speedwagon coming in to hang out during the news. Howard told Patty that she's a good friend and he would go to her funeral tomorrow if she dropped dead for some reason. He said he wouldn't do that for just anyone.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and tried to explain why this was a bad idea. Ralph said he likes Scandal but he could care less about them getting back together. Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy called in as ''fans'' and goofed on Patty a little bit. Richard called in asking to talk to Pat Benatar. Patty said that someone actually suggested that she cover a Pat Benatar song on the show today but that's not what she's going to do. Howard asked Patty to drop all of the negative feelings and that he was going to forgive her.
Patty was talking about how big her husband is in the pants but the delay button was hit a couple of times during that discussion. Patty said that he's always running after her trying to get her and that's why they have 6 kids. She was also talking about her sons and how they were kind of small when they were growing up but now it looks like they should be taking after their father. Howard had to wrap up the interview so he gave Patty some plugs for her upcoming gigs. Patty said that they're playing in Hartford, Connecticut this weekend but she wasn't sure what club they were going to be at. Artie guessed that it might be the Webster Theater but she wasn't sure if that was it or not. Howard went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard called this fan, Phil, who was upset about a song parody they did to the tune of John Lennon's ''Imagine.'' Phil cursed within the first minute of calling in so Howard had to warn him he would have to hang up on him if he kept that up.
Phil said he likes song parodies and they have every right to play them on the show. He said when you do a song parody about people who are accused of doing something and haven't been found guilty, then it's wrong. He said he heard them doing this song about Jim and Tammy Faye Baker and it was them prostituting the song ''Imagine.''
Howard said this guy is a pompous, self righteous jerk. He said he should really put him over his knee and spank him. Howard asked how old this guy is. Phil said he's 30. Howard said he's 34. Howard said this guy has the mind of a 4 year old. Phil asked how old he feels he is. Howard said he's 34. Howard said he doesn't say you can parody anything except this one subject.
Howard said he bets that he doesn't have a lot of friends and the friends he does have turn them off when they're around him.
Howard said the caller is just dopey. He said he really doesn't have any complaints. The caller said he's never called a radio station in his life. Howard said this guy is the kind of guy that's dangerous to the country. He's trying to stop them from doing a song parody.
Howard said that if he doesn't like the song then you just turn the radio off. He said you don't call and complain. Howard asked Phil what he does for a living. Phil said he's a businessman. Howard asked what kind of business he's in. Phil said he does sales and marketing development. Howard said the guy doesn't even know what he does and can't even tell them. Phil explained that he helps develop businesses. He mentioned that he has done film too. Howard asked what film he's produced. Phil said this is getting personal now.
Robin said that this was song parody Tuesday and he obviously doesn't know that. Howard said the reason they rehashed the subject is because it was the day they play song parodies. Robin said that a caller requested that they play that song because it was his favorite parody. Phil laughed.
Howard asked Phil if he's gay. Phil said he's not. Howard said he sounds very gay. Phil thanked him for that. Howard asked Robin if he sounded gay to her. Robin said he doesn't sound like the most manly man. Phil asked Howard how he sounds when he wakes up in the morning. Howard said he sounds and smells like a man in the morning. He said he can come down there and smell him if he wants to.
Robin told Phil not to call them if he makes a mistake and puts the wrong radio station on in the morning. Phil just kept going on and on about how he just accidentally turned on the station. Howard said they have to get him a radio diaper because he's having so many accidents. Howard said if he has any other accidents he should feel free to call in. Howard hung up on him in the middle of a sentence.
In the clip Gary told Howard that he had his childhood friend on the phone. Howard picked up and it was his friend Robert Karger. Howard said that Robert is one of the kids who moved out of Roosevelt. Howard said that they lost touch after he moved. Howard said when you're 14 you concentrate on making new friends in the new neighborhood. He said Robert didn't have the opportunity to come and pick him up. Howard said he was more worried about his own life.
Howard said Robert used to bring a bag lunch to school. He said a guy named Zany, a black guy, used to steal his lunch. Howard said that was the guy's legal name and he looked Zany too. Howard said that if you brought 35 cents for lunch then you'd get beaten. He said that Robert thought he'd beat the system and bring his own lunch. Someone would steal it every day though. Howard said he always had snacks in that lunch too. Howard said he would sit there with his Oreos and Ring Dings or whatever.
Howard and Robert shared some more stories about growing up in Roosevelt. Robert told a story about this guy they called ''Tree'' stabbing him in the back with a hypodermic needle. He said he has no idea what was on that needle but he got stabbed with it.
Howard said that he had a metal garbage can thrown at him in the locker room. Howard said he came close to hitting his shoulder. Howard said his mother reported some of this stuff to the teacher and that was almost the end of him.
Howard said Robert came up to visit at school and he ended up hooking up with some girl there. He ended up moving in with her and he started to go to school there. Howard said he and Robert were good friend when they were younger. He said that they used to make phony phone calls together.
Robert said that their parents were never friendly. If they had been then maybe they would have been closer after they moved.
Robin said it seems like these people wanted nothing to do with Howard. Howard said he was a good kid and he got along with Robert. He said that even if both of them say that Robin still won't believe it. Howard let Robert go a short time later.
Howard said that he and Robert used to go out and buy whoopee cushions so they could make them explode. Robert said they used to read his brother's Playboy magazines and he'd let them smell his fingers after he was with a girl. Howard said that he had a bunch of National Enquirer magazines and they had sex change stories in there so they'd read that stuff too.
Howard said he and Robert broke into a house to steal cigarettes together. Robert didn't remember that so Howard had to remind him. Howard said they just walked into the house because the door was unlocked. Robert said they took an ice cream cone from a semi-retarded kid too. Howard said he forgot that one. Howard said they put dog doody in an ice cream cone and he ate the whole thing. Robert said he kid ate it and then smiled. He said you should have seen his teeth. Howard let Robert go after that. Jackie said they had one memory too many. They went just a little too far.
In the clip Howard was talking to Abbie Hoffman and ended up taking him into the ''Homo Room'' while he was talking about some gay stuff with him. Howard said that Abbie was in there for 15 minutes talking about having hemorrhoids and he was wondering why he has them.
Howard got his megaphone and did an impression of what Abbie would sound like at one of his protests. Howard said that you can imagine him being at a protest and some guys come up to him and talk to him about overthrowing the state.
Howard took Abbie into the Homo Room so he could talk more about that stuff. Fred played the sound effects of a drip inside a large room. Howard said that he thinks he hears a knock on the homo room door. He had Jackie open it. Howard asked if it was Gary. Gary was there so he came into the room too.
Howard told Abbie that Gary had a homosexual experience when a guy asked him to touch him. Howard said he was in the bathroom the other day and Raphael, the guy from the Spanish morning show, was in there. He said the guy is huge. Howard said that it's huge. He said he's the size of a large Crest tube.
Howard asked Abbie about when this homosexual experience happened to him. Abbie told him to pick any protest. He said he did try it once but only once. He said he was curious to find out what it was like. Howard asked if he had ever fantasized about a man before. Abbie said he did think about Mick Jagger. Abbie told Howard about this transsexual that he kissed once. He said that he chickened out on that whole thing. He said that he felt the whiskers on her face.
Abbie told Howard that he did try this homosexual thing once but he had to think that the guy was a woman the whole time. He said he kept thinking ''woman'' over and over in his head.
Howard asked Abbie more about the gay experience. Abbie was telling Howard some of the details but he'd get sidetracked. Howard said that he wasn't condemning him for this. Abbie said it's going to end up on Page Six if he keeps talking about it. Howard said they're in the homo room and no one will hear it.
Howard said Abbie is a revolutionary and he wants to try everything. He understands that. Abbie said he wanted a kiss from Howard. Howard said he's out of there as soon as he gets the story out of him.
Howard asked more about the gay experience and how it went down. Abbie wasn't giving a lot of details. He said there were women there who had tried it and they were pushing him into it. He said they wanted to see it in front of them.
Howard said Abbie seems to be a little embarrassed by this. Abbie said he is embarrassed talking about it. Robin said he's in the homo room so he shouldn't worry about it. Howard asked if he would check him for hemorrhoids.
Howard asked Abbie more about what happened. Abbie said it was dark in the room and they needed a lot of ''medication'' at the time. Howard asked if they kissed and ripped each other's clothes off. Abbie said there was no physical attraction. Howard asked if he was aroused. Abbie said if you put your hand on your thing you're familiar with it but then you put your hand on another man and it's different. Howard said he had to get out of the homo room after hearing that. He had Fred get him out of there.
In the clip Howard said that his agent was at ten NATPE convention and he saw Stuttering John hanging out with Brandon Tartikoff. Howard said that Brandon was the NBC president for a while. Howard asked if he flew down there with him. John said he flew down on his own. He said he's doing a show called ''Last Call'' and he was there to talk about that. He said he met Brandon down there. Robin said she thought he said he was going down there to meet him. John said he did have a scheduled meeting with him but he didn't fly down just for him.
John said that Brandon was talking to him about a TV show and how to make it better. Howard said that guy has really fallen. John said the guy is a big fan of Howard's. Howard said Brandon never did anything for him. He said he was told he was the future of TV and then he went out and hired Mark and Brian and Johnny B. Howard said that guy didn't do anything for him.
John was saying that Brandon is a really intelligent guy. Howard said that everyone seems intelligent to him. John said Jackie doesn't seem intelligent to him.
Howard asked how the meeting went. John said he pitched some show ideas. He said he wanted to do a show about stuttering. John said that he wants to debate other stutterers. John said it would just be one half hour show. Howard asked if he enjoyed his ideas. John said they had a good time talking. Howard said he must have gotten up and thought John was a retard. John said Howard is the only one who does.
Gary said he heard from John when he was in Vegas and he heard he had a hard time talking to Brandon. Howard spent a few more seconds with John but then told him to get out of there. He kicked him out and said that Brandon should be ashamed of himself.
Howard said Brandon Tartikoff was the President of NBC and now he's got his own production company and nothing is happening. He said he must be desperate to talk to John. He said John is the Forrest Gump of media. He said that they misunderstand what he's talking about and they think it's some brilliant idea.
Howard spent a couple of minutes going off on John and Brandon about that whole thing. Robin laughed about John saying that not everyone thinks he's an idiot. Howard asked the guys in the studio if there was anyone who thinks he's not an idiot. John came back in and asked what he did to him. Howard said it's obvious that Brandon is desperate. He said he's meeting with John about TV shows. Howard said the guy hasn't produced any hit shows. John thought he had produced the Cosby show. Howard said he just put it on TV. He didn't create it.
Howard said that John was intimidated because he's never created anything himself. John was saying stuff about Robin so Howard kicked him out again. He told him to get out but then asked if he spit on Brandon while he was talking to him. John said he did spit on an executive while talking and the spit ended up on the guy's jacket.
John said he saw Pamela Anderson out there and she was going to give him her number but she said she was moving soon. He said they didn't have any paper there either. Howard said if she bangs John then he's going to jump off a ledge. Howard said he had to get to news. He kicked John out again.
In the clip Howard was talking about their party and the food they had there. He said they had a roast pig but he can't eat that. He said he can't look at the face on the thing and eat it.
Howard also talked about how he didn't win a dime in the super bowl pool. He said Jackie deserved the win after what he did though. Howard said after the party there were some arguments going on.
Howard said that this guy Tony O. went up and pulled his pants down. He was mooning everyone and he had ''Giants Suck'' written on his ass. Howard said he had it written with paint or a magic marker or something. Howard said that someone threw toilet paper at him and pulled his pants down further. Howard said that's the kind of stuff that happens when a guy pulls his pants down. Robin said she wasn't sure what to do at her party. Howard said he figured that when they called. Howard said they have some great tapes of their Super Bowl party. Robin said she has some good stuff too.
Howard said everyone was cracking up at Tony when he pulled his pants down. He said about 5 minutes later Jackie goes into the kitchen to get something to eat. He said that Jackie wasn't there the first time he pulled down his pants. Howard said Tony got up to pull down his pants again and cracks this huge moon. Then Jackie walked out of the kitchen and he's startled by the sight of his butt so he takes his finger where the sun don't shine. Gary said he jammed it in there. Gary said then he started eating carrots. Howard told Gary to quiet down.
Howard said Tony started to do a flutter dance since he's not used to having things in his crack. Howard said that these parties get better every year. They talked about some of the stuff that they were doing at the party. Howard said Jackie wasn't just drinking. He said he was doing other things too. He said he was abusing his body that day. Howard said everyone was abusing themselves.
Howard said he ate a lot of stuff. Gary said Howard started with a salad and then he went to the shrimp and lobster. Howard said he ate a big loaf of Italian bread. He said he also ate 5 slices of pizza. Howard said he waited until he found out the pizza was safe to eat. He said he had a nauseous feeling in his chest after that. He said he wanted to go vomit. He said he should have purged.
Howard said after Jackie put his finger in Tony he went into the kitchen and got himself some ribs. He didn't bother washing his hands. He was eating the ribs and licking his fingers. Howard said this must have been the best Super Bowl party they've ever had.
Howard said he thinks Jackie showed up to the party drunk. Jackie said he did not. He said he did bring a case of beer with him but only so he'd have beer. Howard said he'd get back to more after taking a break.
After an edited out break Howard came back with Tony O on the phone. Most of this was written in 2010 during a ''Gayest Week Ever'' replay...
Howard had Tony O on the phone. Howard said that this guy wasn't a Giants fan and they were watching the game together. He said that Tony had ''Giants Suck'' on his ass. His wife drew that on there. He said people were throwing stuff at his ass when he'd show it during the game. It was all in good fun. Then Jackie stuck his finger in his butt hole when he bent over at one point. Howard said he was getting a good laugh while this was going on. He had the tape so he played some of that.
Howard played the tape and everyone was laughing and having fun when he'd pull his pants down to show ''Giants Suck.'' Then he bent over and Jackie stuck his finger up his ass. Everyone was laughing their asses off. Jackie was happy about his timing. He timed it perfectly as Ronnie was taking the picture. Howard said they have the pictures too.
Howard said that was better than any game on TV. He asked Tony if he was freaking out. Tony said he hardly even touched him. He said when they see the pictures they'll see that he barely touched him. Tony said he'll never be able to sell spots in this market after this. He said he never expected that to happen. Tony told Howard that he's ruined him.
Howard said Tony looked like a raped woman after that. He said that Tony even left early. Tony said he had another party to go to. He didn't moon anyone there though. Howard said Jackie was going to be a doctor before he got into comedy. Howard said Tony looked like he liked it if you ask him. Tony didn't say anything. Howard let Tony go and said that's what they do to guys from other stations who compete with them.
Jay Leno Calls In. 1/26/98. 6:20am
Jay Leno called in to wish Howard a happy birthday a couple of weeks late. Normally Jay is the first caller on Howard's surprise birthday show that Robin throws. Jay was acting like there was no surprise show this week. He and Howard spoke for a little bit about the President Clinton situation. Jay also asked Howard when he was going to be starting his Saturday night show on CBS. Howard is still saying that there's nothing happening at this time. He's had talks with the CBS people but nothing has been set. I guess there's still hope that he'll have a network show sometime in the future.
Ed Fired For Using The N-Word. 01/26/05. 7:20am
Howard replayed the call Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy made to Crazy Alice where they pissed her off asking her to call herself ''Crazy'' and some other names that she didn't like. Howard also played the ''Lets Get Retarded Show'' bit that the guys put together.
Howard had this guy Ed on the phone. Ed told Howard that he was at home when he had a problem with a co-worker of his. He was on the phone with another sales rep from the office. He told his co-worker ''Don't treat me like a nig*er'' as he was talking to him and he ended up getting fired for that a few weeks later. Ed said that he's losing a 10 year career over that one word and he wasn't even at work when he said it. Howard pointed out that the guy was talking to this black guy from his home, outside of work. Neither of them were at work at the time but they were talking about work. The co-worker complained to the company and Ed ended up losing his job. Howard wondered if the company was right in firing him. Fred said that he thinks they did have a right because it was work related. Ed said that no one spoke to him when he went into work after that. The co-worker went to Human Resources and told on him. Ed said he apologized to the guy but the way he apologized wasn't exactly nice. He said he was sorry that a single word like that would offend him so much. Artie seemed to think that the company had the right to do what they did because the work environment could be considered hostile.
Robin asked Ed if he ever went to H.R. To find out what he could do to rectify the situation. Ed said he was called into HR the next day but that didn't help. Robin said she doesn't think that they should have fired the guy, they should have brought both of them into a room and teach them how to get along better. Gary asked Ed if he was ever warned about anything like that in the past. Ed said nothing like that happened before. He was never warned because he didn't do anything like that.
A phone caller claiming to be a lawyer said that the company didn't have the right to fire this guy over something that didn't happen at work. Another caller said that Ed should have just denied that the conversation ever happened. Ed said that's not the type of person he is and he just admitted to it. Howard said that it was something that happened outside of work so maybe he shouldn't have been fired. It was also a little harsh to fire him over one infraction. The guys asked Ed what it was that made him say that word. Ed didn't give all of the details but said that he used a word that he knew the guy would understand. Howard wanted to bail out on the call because Ed's phone connection sucked. He asked Ed to get a better phone before calling back.
Howard took a call from a guy who works in an H.R. department. He said that Ed shouldn't have been fired over that because he didn't call the guy the N-word, he asked him not to call him the N-word. There were some other callers who tried to give Ed some advice but the delay was hit on a guy who called himself Big Dick. Howard wished Ed luck with his case and wrapped up the call. A guy from Canada called in and said that he was using the N-word in front of his boss and didn't get fired. He claimed to be one of the few black guys up there in Canada. He did some of the Chris Rock material he was telling his boss but it was a really bad interpretation of Rock's stuff so Howard hung up on him.
In the clip Howard was talking about an article he read about Sophie B. Hawkins. He said he read some interesting stuff about her. He saw some pictures of her too and in one it looks like she doesn't shave her legs. Howard said he's going to play some of her new songs and she's going to perform her song ''Damn, I wish I Was Your Lover'' for them.
Gary said he saw her and she's very sexual. He said she's wearing a men's tuxedo jacket but the shirt she's wearing is unbuttoned down to her belly button.
Howard had Gary bring Sophie in. She came in and Howard said he had to soak her in. He said she's really cute. Howard said he finds her sexy. She said she finds him funny. Howard asked if she shaves her legs. She said she doesn't. Howard asked why. Sophie said her hair is blonde so in the sun it glows like gold. Howard asked her to pull up her pants. She said no. Howard said she rolls around on the floor in her videos. She said she does but she's not going to do it for him.
Howard told Sophie she should shave her legs. He said she's a wild girl. Howard told Jackie to hold her down so he can shave her. Sophie was screaming and she ended up using the F-word so Howard had to ask her not to do that. He said he's in trouble with the FCC already.
Howard asked if Sophie was wearing a bra. She said she was. Howard asked if she would take off the coat. Sophie said no. She said you can see her in magazines with nothing on so he should look at that. Howard said he'll play her new song if she does. Sophie said no way.
Howard asked Sophie about living with a 42 year old guy when she was only 14. Howard asked if her parents were okay with that. He cut her off before she could answer. Sophie said that he didn't let her answer.
Robin asked when she lost her virginity. Sophie said she wasn't very old. Howard asked if she was 12. She said she doesn't even remember. Howard said she must have been 12. She didn't say. Howard asked about the 42 year old again. She said that they were in love. Sophie said she was 15 when she actually went there. Howard said he doesn't understand how that happens. Sophie said your soul matures faster than the physical body. Sophie said she feels that she's still a child inside. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's not telling him.
Howard asked if the guy was black. Sophie would only say he was a beautiful man. Howard asked Sophie making love to teachers in Junior High. Sophie said she was just messing around and didn't actually do it. She said this was in elementary school.
Howard had to ask her to stop cursing again. Howard said maybe she should perform her song and then they'll get back to that stuff and play some of her new album. Howard said he wants to hear her lesbian stories. He said he'd pay to see that. Sophie asked how much and said maybe she can quit the music business. She cursed again a short time later so Howard had to tell her to stop doing that.
Sophie told Howard to play a song she brought. Howard said he'll get to that after he takes a break. He told Sophie he wants her to perform her song live and then they'll get into more.
After the edited out break Howard came back and had Sophie's keyboard player, Joe, in the studio. Sophie asked if the guys would all sing ''Damn'' in the song when she needs them to. Howard said he might have to stand behind her to do that.
Howard spent a little more time talking to Sophie before he had her perform the song. She did her song ''Damn, I wish I Was Your Lover'' and asked her to sing it to him like he was her lover.
After the song Sophie said she wanted to do a longer version. Howard said that it was really good. He said they were doing so good he didn't want to interrupt. Howard said he was really turned on watching her. Howard said she should take her pants off and do it in her panties and shirt. Sophie didn't want to do that. She told him to take his pants off for her. Howard said he'll do that if she takes her's off. She wasn't going to do that.
Howard was going to take his pants off but Sophie cursed again so Howard told her she had to stop. Howard asked Sophie about how the whole grammar school thing happened. She said it's really boring and she didn't want to talk about it. Howard said it's not boring to him. He said no kids are listening to the show if that's what she's worried about. Sophie said she doesn't want teachers thinking it's okay either.
Howard asked how old she was when she made love to a woman. She said she was 23 or 22. Howard said she's wilder than Courtney Love. Howard said he digs a woman who is open to all things.
Howard said he heard that Rosie O'Donnell told Sophie not to come on the show. Sophie said she didn't tell her not to come on. She is friends with her though. Howard asked if she's ever met Madonna. Sophie said no but Howard said she did too. Sophie didn't want to talk about any of that. Howard took another break after that.
After the edited out break Howard came back and told Sophie what he'd like to do to her in bed. Howard asked her if she thinks that OJ is innocent or guilty. Sophie said she thinks that he's guilty. Howard asked Joe what he thinks. Joe said he thinks he's innocent. Howard said black guys always say that. Robin noticed he was British so Howard said that the British black guys really hate the white man. Howard said they get discriminated against even more over there in England. Joe said he's Jewish too so he gets it for that too. He said his mother was Jewish.
Howard asked Sophie to come over and kiss him. She said no way to that. Howard said she's uptight. He said he wanted to dance with her. He asked her to sing a song from her new album and he'll dance with her. She was going to sing her song ''As I Lay Me Down'' for Howard. Gary came in and said he knows the song is about her father but her publicist told him that they have to figure out what the song is about by listening to the lyrics. Howard asked if it was about her father. Sophie said she didn't write the song and some old lady writes all of her songs for her. Howard said he knows she's lying about that. He gave up on trying to find out more about the song. He just had them perform it.
After the song Howard said that was very nice. He said she did a very good job. Howard said she had a really messed up childhood. Sophie said ''who doesn't?'' Howard said she craved that love from her father. She said she doesn't need to go to a shrink now. Howard said it sounds like she has a real messed up family. He said it's no wonder she ran off with a 44 year old guy. She was looking for the love of a father. Sophie said he had her all figured out. Howard said this is the kind of girl guys should be trying to find. Fred played some sad organ music in the background and Howard said he wanted to give her a hug goodbye. She asked if she was leaving now. Howard said like her father he's going to get rid of her.
Howard said if he was just meeting Sophie he'd wear a smoking jacket and smoke a pipe. He said that's the kind of guy she's probably looking for. They wrapped up a short time later.
Will Sal Ever Learn? 01/26/09. 7:40am
Gary came in and said that Sal is one of those guys who will do something to fuck up a relationship. Gary said that he's one of those guys who has to say something if there's silence in a room and he'll always hang himself.
Howard had a clip of Sal talking about meeting Bobby Flay on the Wrap Up Show. Gary said that Sal grabbed Bobby and his wife and ended up insulting the guy. Howard played the clip where Sal explained what he had done to them. Sal had told Bobby that he had one of his burgers and he told Bobby that his burger was so good it was like having pussy in his mouth. Howard said that's the most ridiculous thing to say because pussy doesn't taste that good. Artie said that if pussy did taste that good he'd be down there all the time.
Howard told Sal that he needs to become a mute and not talk to people. Sal said that he was censoring himself there and he thought that he was getting better at doing that stuff. Sal said that he was censoring himself. The guys told him that he was still being very inappropriate with Flay and his wife.
Sal said that he thought it was a great way to compliment a chef. Howard told Sal that he could have said that it was like sex instead of telling him it was like eating pussy. Howard told Sal he's out of his mind telling him something like that. Sal said that he was trying to let the guy know how much he liked the burger and that's what came out.
Howard told Sal that he's going go fuck up the thing with Beth now. Sal said that he's keeping them short and professional and he's not going to fuck up. Howard said that Sal is the same guy who went up to Russell Simmons and said ''I'm the white devil.'' Sal said he was just trying to lighten the mood with the guy. Howard said that he's referencing something from the show and Russell had no idea that's what he was doing.
Gary said that Sal also went into the green room and told Jon Stewart that his jokes aren't that funny. Howard told Sal he has to stop doing that stuff with his guests. He told him he was wrong for talking to Bobby Flay the way he did too.
Howard told Sal over and over again that he was insane and moronic. Sal said that Flay's wife did make a face as if he had said the word pussy. Sal said he figured that they were adults and they would be okay with what he was talking about. The guys told Sal to stop ''figuring'' things out on his own like that.
Artie told Sal that it's amazing that he got a hot chick to marry him. He said that with that kind of stuff going on it's amazing he even got any woman to talk to him.
A caller said that this has to be a bit because there's no way this guy is that retarded. Howard said that it's not a bit though. He said that Sal just doesn't understand. Howard said that they had a big that was created and he didn't want to play it because of the content. He said that Sal and Richard went to a department store and had a page go over the intercom system. They had her saying the N-word over the intercom there. Sal was laughing his ass off about the bit but Howard was disgusted with it. Howard said that it wasn't a great bit but Sal was laughing his ass off thinking about it.
Howard said that it's one thing when you hear a guy like Hate Man saying the N-word but when his guys are doing that to someone in a store, that's like him condoning the word. He said that he wasn't going to play the bit but now he will because he's talked about it. Howard said that it's just not right and this is the stuff he has to deal with all day long.
In the clip Sal tells the woman at the store that his son ''Nick Gerz'' is lost in the store. The woman then gets on and asks for ''Nick Gerz'' to come to the front of the store. Sal giggled when he heard the bit. Artie said that he thought it was funny.
Sal said they thought it was clever to take that and take the old ''Ben Dover'' thing and change it. Howard said that it's really not that brilliant. Fred said they did that bit on the Dave Chappelle show. Sal said that was different.
Sal said that he would have loved to have seen all of the black people in the store and their reactions. He asked if they could do it again with Howard TV. Howard told him not to even joke about that shit. He told him that this is what he has to deal with every day.
Howard told Sal that he knows this emotional friend that his wife has and he's not even a good looking guy. Sal said that he looks kind of like a shorter Scott the Engineer.
Howard took some calls and one guy said that the ''Show in the Hallway'' shows are hilarious. Howard said that there's something in Sal's head that just isn't right though. He he doesn't have any filter in that head.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling from the town that Sal's father's first pizzeria was in. Sal talked to the guy about that for a minute before the caller asked if Sal knows that he's representing the show. He said that if Howard sees Bobby Flay out in the Hamptons one day, this is what he's going to talk about. Howard said that it's a good thing that he hides from everyone then.
Another caller said that he has to agree with Artie and he thought that bit was hilarious. Artie said that it really wasn't a brilliant thing to do. Howard said that he can't play that like he condones the bit. He said that he can't have his guys going around trying to trick people into saying the N-word.
Another caller said that Howard is beating his head against the wall with this stuff. Howard said that he worries about Sal because he's going through some tough times with his wife and he doesn't get that it's these type of things that are driving her nuts. He said that Sal just doesn't get that telling Bobby Flay that his burger tasted like pussy is wrong.
Richard came in and said that something happened this weekend with Sal. He said he has to worry about Sal sometimes too. Howard said that this is great because Richard is so inappropriate himself. Richard said that they did a comedy show down in Orlando this weekend. They were at a hotel and they were in this back room as their green room. They had a black fashion show going on in another room so Sal was in the room by himself rehearsing his act with about 15 black people. Sal said he was doing some Obama jokes but he wasn't doing them out loud. He was in another room and some of the people heard some of the jokes so management wanted to move him away from them.
Sal said that he was writing some new jokes about Obama and terrorism. Artie and Howard wanted to hear what they were. Sal said he didn't have anything specific. Howard told him to tell them the jokes. Sal said that he told the audience he voted for Obama and got some huge applause and told them that he had voted for the ''white half'' Obama. He also made a joke about his ''cheese doodle'' fingerprints on the things that he had signed. Artie told him that those are really hackie jokes.
Sal said he didn't want to get really heavy but if he did he could have started using other words for black guys. Richard said that Sal was worried about one black guy in the audience and he was asking the other comedians if that big guy in the front row was cool.
Howard made fun of Sal about his racist jokes and how he just doesn't get that he's wrong for doing what he does. Sal was talking about some of the other stuff that he's done and ended up arguing with Artie about what he does in his act.
Sal was saying that he had called the big black guy ''King Kong'' and he thought he had to do that to diffuse the audience. Robin told him to try and have an act instead of doing something like that. Artie said that Sal isn't coming clean with the jokes either. Sal said that he is too.
Sal said he was joking about the King Kong thing and Artie told him that he was being really hackie with those jokes. Sal said that he knows and told people not to come and see his act then. Artie was trying to talk to Sal about the comedy act so he could help him out. He said that he should be doing professional jokes and not those old hackie jokes.
Howard said that Sal is opening up for Artie at the Borgata this weekend. Artie said that Sal does fine at those things. He said that he doesn't even listen to his act anymore though.
Howard said he saw this thing on the internet where Arnold Diaz, the guy who does the ''Shame On You'' things for a local news station, goes to a guy who owns a bakery and confronts him about him making ''drunken negro head cookies.'' Howard said that he's doing them as a ''celebration'' and they're big black cookies with big black lips and the Sambo look.
Howard said the people who are interviewed about it say that the guy uses the N-word when he sells them the cookies. Howard played the clip where some people were being interviewed about the cookies and they were saying that the guy is saying that Obama is going to get what's coming too him just like Lincoln did.
Howard said that the chef at this place is just like Sal. He doesn't get it when he's wrong. The Howard TV guys showed a picture of the heads and Sal said it looked just like Robin. He said he was just kidding though. That's what he does at his comedy shows too.
Howard said that what's amazing is that this guy has a successful business and he's always packed but now he's in the news for making these heads. He said that all the guy has to do is make his cakes but he has to do this controversial thing. The guy was perfectly willing to talk to Arnold Diaz about them too. The guy had also made some dead geese cookies after the recent plane crash.
In the clip they took the cookies out on the street and showed it to people walking by. A lot of the people were shocked by what they were seeing.
After the clip Howard said he's looking forward to the Auschwitz Eclair. Artie said that's a guy who must have race on his mind all the time. Robin said that's much like their Sal. Sal said that it's not on his mind all the time. He said that he doesn't see race like that. Robin said that he does too. Sal asked her what she was seeing when she looked at him. Robin said she sees ''a guy.'' Sal said that he sees a woman when he looks at her. Artie said he sees a jerk off.
They played a new ''Douche'' song featuring Tracy the office manager. Sal said that she's getting hammered lately with that. He said that she said hi to him on Facebook recently and it was just one ''douche'' or ''Steve Grillo'' comment after another.
After that they played Sal's edited apology clip from when he was talking about Miss Howard Stern having a black baby.
Howard said that Britney Spears has put out a new song called ''If You Seek Amy'' and it's causing some controversy because some radio stations are saying that it's too close to sounding like ''F U C K Me.'' Howard played some of that song. Then JD came in and said that the baker from that shop has come out with an apology for the cookies.
Howard played the audio clip of a news report about the baker and the calls he's been getting about the cookies. The chef was getting death threats over the cookies. The guy, Ted, apologized for the cookies after he got a bunch of calls threatening to burn down the shop and things like that. Howard said the guy is a dummy. After playing that Howard had to go to break.
The Kielbasa Queen Comes In. 1/26/98. 8:15am
If you saw ''Private Parts'' you might remember the woman who shoved the 12 inch kielbasa down her throat. If you didn't see it, you're missing quite a show. She and her friend came in to plug their new web site www.kqueen.com. The two women said that they have some very interesting video stuff on the site. The only thing is that it's a pay site. Kielbasa Queen's friend, Deep Throat Dallas, also has a talent for putting things down her throat that just don't belong there. She's able to put half of a 4 foot balloon down there without choking on it. She demonstrated it for Howard and he seemed pretty impressed by it. ''Oh my god, that's amazing'' is what he said when she shoved the balloon down. One of the things available on the site is video of one of them shooting a hot dog into the other's mouth from an area that hot dogs just don't belong. Maybe it's worth the admission.. K. Queen and D.T. Dallas also said that they're bi-sexual and share a man.
Howard Visits Rosie O'Donnell's Show. 01/26/10. 10:20am
Robin wrapped up after that and Howard said he had to go over and say hello to Rosie. He said he was worn out from this show though.
Gary said that Brian Phelan went over there to set up for him and Rosie was talking to him on the air. Howard said he's going to head over there and maybe Robin can vamp while he's walking over.
Howard said he's going to just say he's dropping by Rosie's show. He said he'll be on in like a minute or so. Robin said she'll talk to Fred while he's walking over.
Howard headed out and Robin took over for him. Robin said that she has to watch Scott get prepared for all of this. She said it was very distracting actually.
Fred ended up talking about some show he's been watching on TV. He also talked about how he's rehearsing to play a show with Leslie West this weekend. He said it should be good. They're going to be playing New Jersey on Saturday too.
Howard showed up on Rosie's show so they switched over to that audio. Howard said he was just dropping by on her show. Howard met all of the people on Rosie's show. Howard asked about some of the girls in the studio and found out that they're not into chicks.
Howard said that this set up was more professional than the usual thing that Rosie does. Howard asked Rosie what she's been out promoting. Rosie said that she has a new documentary on HBO. She said its' all about kids. Howard asked if that's why she went on Oprah. Rosie said she did. Howard thought she didn't like Oprah. Rosie said she was intimidated by her. She said she didn't dislike her.
Howard asked Rosie about the Oprah thing and found out that she has a lot of women in the studio. Howard said he was very nervous in there. He said that no one was naked in there either.
Howard talked to Rosie about how she was able to steal audience from Oprah and she ended up walking away from the show. Howard said some people are addicted to the money. Rosie walked away when she made a certain amount of money. Rosie said she figured out she had that much and walked right away.
Howard asked Rosie about investing her money and Rosie said she really doesn't even know how much she has. Rosie said that she lives off of the money she makes on the interest and she shops at Target so she's doing fine.
Howard said that 100 million is a nice number. Rosie said that if you have that money you can coast the rest of your life. Howard said he thinks that he never has any money even when he does. He said that's an illness he has. Howard said he grew up with nothing and he doesn't feel like he's got enough. Howard noticed that one of the women on the show wasn't wearing shoes and she looked shocked at the numbers they were throwing around in there.
Howard found out that Rosie has 10 people working for her. Rosie said that they don't bother her with anything with that show now. Howard said it's good for him because they never say a word to him either. He said that's the good thing about working there.
Howard talked to Rosie about flying out to see Oprah yesterday. Rosie said that she can't believe that Howard turned her down to go out and do Conan's last show. Howard said it would have been one of his last shows, maybe not the last. Howard said he would have attacked Jay Leno on that show. He said that Rosie wanted him to go with her to California but he didn't want to fly out there just to do 10 minutes on the show. Howard said Rosie wanted to double team Conan. Rosie said she would have gone there just to say ''Jay sucks'' whenever Howard pointed to her.
Howard said Rosie's take on why she hates Jay is great and she would have been great telling Conan why Jay is such a scum bag. Howard told her about the article where they compared Jay to Hitler. Rosie had read that. Howard said Jay is going on Oprah on Thursday and he hopes that Oprah doesn't suck up to him. Rosie said that Jay isn't that retrospective and he wouldn't answer them anyway.
Rosie did an impression of Jay and goofed on him about the way he's playing it like he's a good guy. Howard said Rosie has evolved and found that you don't need to have everything in this world and you can share. Howard said he's trying to learn that in therapy.
Howard asked Rosie about the new girlfriend she has and said it seems to be moving very fast. Rosie said she's in love and it's nice. She said she's never really dated so it's new to her. Howard said this girl is really hot too. He said she looks very different than Kelly. Rosie said she is very different.
Howard asked Rosie where his Sybian gift is. Rosie said she has it out at her house and she had to hide the attachments. Rosie said she puts her feet on it but she's afraid that it's a little too much for her. She said she's afraid of using it. Howard said he wants to know what she thinks of it. Howard said he wants her to try it out on her show.
Howard talked to some of the girls in the studio. Howard said he's shocked that Rosie hasn't tried the Sybian out yet. He said that he'd never let anyone he's with try it though. He said that he'd lose his wife to it if she tried it out.
Howard asked Rosie if she asked Oprah about the lesbian thing with Gayle. Rosie said she doesn't think that Oprah has gone there with Gayle but she does think that they are emotional friends. Howard said that Oprah angers him sometimes but he does read her magazine and he does like some of the stuff she does.
Howard said he fell in love with Rosie because she's so honest. He said that Oprah hasn't become that real and you can't ask her about this Stedman guy and what's going on with that. Howard said that she's almost like Jesus in that way. No one will ask her those kind of questions. Rosie said that Howard could connect with Oprah if he did her show. Howard said he's sure that could happen.
Howard asked Rosie why she decided to come out with this girlfriend thing. Rosie said that they were going to be photographed in public together so she figured it was time. She said they both have a bunch of kids. She said that Tracy has 6 and 5 are adopted. She said the youngest one has down syndrome and that was her biological child.
Howard asked Rosie about brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. He said that they're a couple of fucking assholes. He said that they met on the set of a movie. He said that's really cliché to do that. He said that Brad and Angelina end up adopting kids and poor Brad had never had kids before. He said you can't just take kids in like they're stray dogs. He said that Brad should have taken some time off to figure out if he wanted to keep having more. He said they have six of their own and it's enough.
Howard said he's happy for Rosie and he wants her to be happy. Howard said he wants to know what Rosie and this new girl are up to. He said that the whole staff is salivating. Howard asked how many dates she had before they kissed. Rosie said it was four dates. Rosie said she came down to Miami to visit. Rosie said that she has a guest house that she could stay at so that's where she stayed. Rosie said that was the first person she ever had down there and Tracy didn't believe that.
Rosie told Howard about how she met this girl through her blog. Rosie said that she was the same kind of person that she is and she's into kids so they connected on that. Howard said that was pretty heavy that she had this Down Syndrome kid. He said he'd abort if the kid was missing a finger. He said he might even do that if he didn't like the kid's eyes.
Rosie asked Howard about him and Beth having kids. Howard said he has three girls already. He said that he's done with having kids. He said the three are great and the oldest is 27 now. He said he thinks he did a good job. Rosie said he did a good job because they like musicals. He anyone who has kids that love musicals is a good parent.
Howard said Beth tells him that she doesn't want kids. He said he loves and adores her and he told her up front that he didn't want kids either. He said he's been honest with her from the start. He said that she's going to tell him if she wants kids. He said he's fine with her getting cats and dogs, just not kids. Howard said he likes the cat they got. He said the cat is fine and he likes it. Rosie sounded surprised by that.
Howard got back to Rosie's love life. He asked her about having this woman down to her house in Miami. Rosie said she really didn't know that it was going to turn out to be sexual. She said she didn't get dressed up for her or anything like that. She said Tracy is a no-make up person too. Rosie said that she showed up that day and she didn't even know if it was a date. Rosie said she got out of the car and she looked adorable. She was wearing cargo pants and no bra. She had nice boobs too. Howard asked what she's doing with those boobs. Rosie said she likes to curl up next to them. Howard asked if she spend a lot of time on boobs. Rosie said she puts in a lot of time with the boobs. She said it's delicious. Howard said he's never seen Rosie like this before. Rosie said no one has.
Howard asked Rosie if she's talked to Kelly about this. Rosie said she has and it's probably weird for her. She said the kids find it funny when they see them kissing. She said that they're okay with it though. Howard asked where they put the kids when they want to get it on. Rosie said Tracy puts the kids to bed and they stay there.
Rosie said that she had some fun with Tracy that weekend. She said that they did a little bit of stuff. Howard asked if she got a finger in the pants. Rosie said she didn't get that far. Rosie said that she's kind of a nerd and she isn't brave enough to do stuff that quickly. Rosie said Tracy asked if she was ever going to kiss her and that's when she had the opening to do it.
Rosie said that she went down to visit Tracy's family. Howard asked how long this has been going on. She said it's been since September. Howard said that seems a little fast. Rosie said it's a long time in a Lesbian relationship.
Howard said they should enjoy their dating phase longer. Rosie said she was living in Texas so that would be tough. Howard said that's true. Rosie said that she has a big house and she has room for them so she's fine with that. Howard said it sounds like either bliss or a nightmare. He's not sure.
Rosie told Howard about her publicist and Howard said he thinks that Gary has spoken to her. She was there in the studio so they quickly said hi to her.
Howard asked Rosie why she wasn't at the telethon for Haiti. Rosie said she thinks that celebrities should have a $100,000 cover charge to do something like that. She said that if they have millionaires there they should be starting out with millions of donations. Rosie said that the celebrities are never asked to donate.
Howard said he felt that they didn't all have to sing sad songs there either. Rosie said that's true too. Howard said that Julia Roberts should have dressed up more for the concert. Rosie said that before the 9/11 telethon happened she was upset that they were going to charge everyone. She said that Julia ended up giving $2 million to the Red Cross back then. Rosie said she thinks that if you have a lot of money they should give a lot.
Rosie asked Howard if he spends a lot of his own money. Howard said he doesn't spend money on anything but his home. He said he doesn't have anything extravagant for himself. He said that he doesn't have his own plane or anything like that.
Howard got back to the Jay Leno thing and said that he hopes Conan can steal some people away from Jay's ratings and makes Jay fail. Howard said he's a Letterman guy. Howard had some Letterman stories to tell so he told Rosie how he and Dave will yell back and forth to each other during the commercial breaks. Rosie said Dave didn't say a word to her during the breaks.
Howard said he has said some things on the air about Dave and that's gotten him into trouble. He said he brought up something about Dave's wife on the air one day and he upset Dave with that.
Ozzy showed up a short time later so Howard told Rosie he was going to leave so she could talk to him. Howard asked Ozzy if he remembered him from earlier. Howard told Rosie that Ozzy's book is great and they should talk about that.
Rosie asked if he talks about the bat's head thing and Ozzy said to Howard ''See!?'' Howard said he had to go back to his office and go to sleep. The guys said that Ozzy was just stopping by to get a picture. Howard stuck around and told Rosie to take some pictures with him.
Rosie was asking Ozzy questions but he wasn't paying attention. Howard asked Rosie if she wanted him to leave. Rosie said she wanted him to stay. Howard said Ozzy was on his show for a half hour and he has no idea what he said. He said that Ozzy is a great guy and he had some great stories. He told Rosie about Ozzy's story about shooting his cats and chickens. Howard said Ozzy failed his driving test 19 times too. He said that Ozzy walked right in and got a gun while he was high as a kite.
Howard told Rosie about how Dave confronted him about the stuff he said about his girlfriend. He said that Dave gave it to him and then they came right out of break after that. Howard said he was in a state of shock and didn't know what to say on the air. Howard said he was frazzled after that. Howard said he's been back on the show many times since then.
Howard said since Dave's scandal he hasn't tried to get back on the show. He said he'd have to bring up the scandal. Rosie said that she can't connect to Dave on his show. She said she's tried to go on a couple of times. Rosie said that Dave will say something horrible about her and she doesn't want to go back.
Rosie asked who the guy was in the studio with him. It was Steve Langford. Rosie said she wants to rip off that idea from Howard and do her own news team. Howard said he came up with that idea before he was allowed to go on SIRIUS. Howard said he was in the shower one day and he heard the news in his head but it was all about him. He said he could imagine them reporting on Eric the Midget and things like that. Howard said his fans don't care about real news. He said that the fans want to hear news about the Howard Stern Show. Howard said he came over one day and spoke to Walt Sabo and some tother guys and threw the Howard news idea out. Howard said they hired some of the guys who did news for WINS and real news programs. He said that they scour the universe all day long to report about what's happening on his show.
Rosie asked if they let them cover the Artie thing. Howard said at first, no. Howard said he's rarely made a request but he did that with Artie. He said that they heard about the Artie thing before it hit the paper. Howard said he didn't want to go on the air with it until it became main stream. Howard said Artie is such a dear sweet guy and he hopes he's okay.
Rosie said she spoke to Artie's sister. She said she has a lot of compassion for Artie. She said that the time Artie started to cry and Howard got up to comfort him it was very touching. She said there are people who care about him and understand. Howard said he can't understand why Artie would do this to himself. He can't wrap his head around that whole thing. He said that he had to be in a really low place to do something like that.
Howard said that Artie is in a facility right now and it was tough to speak to him. He said he was mumbling his answers and he only spoke to him for maybe 2 minutes and it was very awkward. He said his mother and sister are very involved and he hopes that things will be okay.
Rosie said that she has never tried to kill herself but she does understand it. Howard asked if she's ever been stuck in bed. Rosie said she has been at that point. After 9/11 she slept for two days because she was so depressed. Rosie said she understands that whole thing. Howard told her not to see Avatar because she'll get depressed that the world isn't like that.
Rosie asked Howard if he's in the city on Tuesday nights. She wanted to do something with him. Howard said that he'll let her know. He said they'll have a real conversation about that later. Howard thanked everyone for having him there and ran out after that. They ended the Stern show after that.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 12:00pm.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:55am.