|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
In the clip Howard was talking about Daniel Carver the KKK guy and what he usually does with his message on his answering machine. Then Howard played some of his message for that Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Howard and Robin would pause the racist message and talk about what Daniel had just said. Carver was talking about how there are streets named after Martin Luther King and he doesn't believe that he's a hero. Daniel was going on and on with his racist rant. The wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about the party they were planning and Jackie asked if he heard it form John yet. Howard said he heard it from Jackie already. Howard said that Jackie told him he's going to audition his own girls if he won't let him be part of it. Howard said he wasn't even going to have a party but now that he is, they're still complaining.
Howard said it should be just him, Jackie and Fred to begin with. He said John has nothing to do with it. Howard said he's the founding father of the whole party thing. Gary said he was part of the early parties when they first started. Robin didn't remember it going that way but Howard did.
Howard said that this party is what he imagines heaven being like. Robin said that's definitely not what heaven is like.
Gary told Howard that someone wants to bring Tiny Tim to the Super Bowl party. Howard said he's better off not being there. He said the guy who wants to bring him to the party isn't going to be there either. He said he's not going to hang out with a retard like that.
Howard said if he has a bad time at the party he's never going to want to have another one. He said he can imagine Dominic ruining it for them. He said he doesn't need him there ruining things for him. He said he'd act like his wife if he was there.
Howard said last time he had Amy Lynn banging on his door telling him she was going to get naked and do an oil show. He had a couple of other people in his room so he had to take a quick peek at her.
Stuttering John came in and said that he's been there for 4 years and he's part of the crew. He said he's there every day. Howard said John will be there but he'll be in the ''reject room.'' Howard said he's allotting time and rooms for some of the guys. He said Jackie, Fred and him shouldn't have to wait for anything so they'll have first choice. Howard said the rest of the guys can wait.
Howard said if John has any complaints then he shouldn't come. He said he doesn't want any complaining. John said he's pulling a Tom Chiusano on him. He said only the paid get laid. Howard said no one is getting laid. Robin said they don't know that. Howard said he knows it doesn't happen for him.
Howard goofed on John about the leather jackets he was wearing. He said he looks like he belongs in the reject room. John had a long leather jacket and a short one on to keep warm.
Howard said that some people have to be on the bottom and John is one of them. He said he should get a microphone and interview Gange. He said he can do that at the party. He will be in chare of the rooms too. He can't have 19 rooms though.
Howard explained to John why he's doing things the way he is. Then he had Wayne Segal on the phone. Wayne said that John is the host of the guests that are showing up. He said that John will be in charge of all of that. Howard said John can sit down and read his Rolling Stone interview and be all proud of that. Howard said Ronnie is going to be in there bitching and moaning too. He said if anyone is upset about this then they don't have to come.
Howard said that he walked into the room with Ronnie and Wayne in the same position and they both had boners. He said they could be used as sun dials.
Howard said last year they all had to wait on line. This year not everyone will. John said he thinks they're going to get stuck with skanks. He asked if they can put the girl's names in a hat and pick that way. Howard said no way. He told John that they're going to get the girls they get and that's it. He said they should book John with Siobhan.
Howard said that Wayne does more for him than John does. John said that's not true. Howard said Wayne is constantly working on his cars for him. John said he works 12 hour days. Robin found that hard to believe.
Howard said he thinks that John is going to have a great time at the party but, if he thinks he's not, then don't show up. Howard said this is the way things are going to go.
Gary had some suggestions for the other guys at the party. Howard liked the ideas and said that they're going to be fine. John said he's just a little upset that he's not included with the other guys. He said he thought that he was Howard's friend. Howard told him he's not.
Howard said John is complaining that he's going to get rubbed down and get to see naked chicks on Super Bowl Sunday. He said that he doesn't need him giving him a hard time on that day. He said he's a spoiled, stuttering baby. Howard told him to keep this up and he won't come to the party at all.
Howard said the party always causes problems. Robin said that's why they shouldn't have one. Howard said he's surprised that Ronnie isn't coming in too because he gave him the same arguments.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that John is a jerk. John asked him what he does all day. The caller said he works all day paving. Howard asked if his boss gives him a party like this. The caller said he never has had anything like that. Howard asked if he would complain if he had this kind of thing. The caller said he never would. He said that he'd remove a leg to get into a party like that. John said that this is a selective call. John asked him if he understands what he's saying. The guy said he does but he said John isn't really working. John said he sits and logs everything Howard says. He said that he is working hard.
Howard asked if the girls were there. Gary said they were and they have to get to them because they're double parked. Howard told John to take a mental health day on that Sunday. He said that a man gets to thinking when he's sitting home.
John said he knows that he's lucky to be going to the party but he is upset that he can't hang with ''the gang.'' Howard said John gets to hang with the gang a lot so he shouldn't be upset. He said even Gary doesn't get to hang out with the gang sometimes. Howard asked John if he's going to be with him for life. John said he can't predict the future. Howard said he attracts people like flypaper and they never leave. Howard asked Gary how long he's been there. Gary said it's been 7 years. Howard wondered when he was going to leave. Gary asked where he's going to go.
Howard told John to repeat after him. He said that he is the totem pole that is buried under the ground. He said his speech pattern also eliminates him from normal things. He also said that he's luckier than Lou Gherig. They wrapped up a short time later.
Stump The Joke Man. 1/16/97. 8:55am
Giving away tickets isn't easy when you play Stump The Joke Man with Jackie The Joke Man. Howard had tickets to the premiere of Rodney Dangerfield's new movie ''Meet Wally Sparks'' to give away. People called in and tried to stump the Joke Man but nobody could do it. Howard must have gone through 20 people and none of them could stump Jackie. Jackie knew every single punch line. Eventually Howard had to just give the tickets to a random caller. Can anyone Stump The Joke Man???
Suge also spoke about a bunch of other rappers and how about 95% of them are gay and don't know it. He claimed that Dr. Dre claimed to be bi-sexual in a meeting he had with him one time. Howard said that we don't know if that's true or not though.
Suge spent a little time telling Howard about his time in prison. He said there are some things that you just don't talk about as far as fights and stuff like that. Howard moved on to talk to Suge about the time he hung Vanilla Ice out a window by his ankles. Howard wondered what inspired him to do something like that. Suge didn't really give an answer though. He got back to his prison stay and told Howard about how he was able to cook his own meals because he had enough money to buy his own stuff. He was also able to lose weight and clear his mind while he was there.
Howard wondered what Suge had against Snoop because he seems like such a nice guy. Suge told Howard that he was a nice kid and his record company reinvented him. He also disrespected Suge and that's why he doesn't get along with him now. Howard also asked Suge about who killed Tupac. Suge wasn't talking though. He told Howard that he'd be considered a snitch if he knew who killed him and told someone about it. So he's keeping his mouth shut.
Suge has a new record company called The Row and he says he won't be beating up people like he may have done in the past as the head of Death Row Records. He plugged a bunch of the groups he has under the new label and said they have a web site at TheRow.com.
Suge spent a short time talking about how J-Lo made P. Diddy look like a bitch when she dumped him and went off with a dancer. Suge said that would never happen to him because he knows how to please a woman in every way. He also told Howard he's seen this J-Lo sex tape. He said that compared to J-Lo's sex tape the Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee tape is rated PG. Howard tried to find out if Suge has ever banged a famous chick but Suge wouldn't talk. Suge told Howard he respects women and wouldn't talk about it on the radio.
Howard took a few phone calls for Suge and wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Revelation Numbers 4 And 5. 01/16/06. 9:10am
Howard got back to the revelations after talking about his surprise party. Howard announced revelation number 4...
Howard thought this was going to be Robin. Jason came walking in a short time later. He said that his girlfriend lives in Central Jersey so he doesn't get to see her until the weekends. He said that it's starting to effect his sex life and he may have to go see a therapist over it. Howard told Jason that this was not a revelation, and he was going to give him a 2 on a scale of 10. Howard said that there's nothing revealing here. He told Jason that it's obvious that he's not interested in his girlfriend anymore and he might want to find a new one. Jason said he'd just go through the same cycle again.
Artie said that he doesn't have that problem with Dana, he still wants to fuck her on the weekends when he sees her. Howard thinks that Jason is really saying that he just wants to break up with his girlfriend and this is the way he's going to reveal it to her. Jason said that's not true and they're looking for an apartment together. Howard said he thinks he's afraid he won't find another girlfriend and that's why he's saying this. Robin said she'd give him a 3 on a scale of 10. The rest of the guys were at 2, 3 and 4 ratings because it just wasn't that great of a revelation.
Jason said he told his girlfriend about this over the weekend and she was kind of weirded out by it. Howard advised him not to move in with her if this is the way he's feeling. Howard read the next revelation which was...
The guys talked about how Sal and Richard have already revealed their stuff so it's not theirs. Fred said he was going to go with Benjy because he's always sweaty and up late at night. Fred said that he's also come in to work with a very odd odor that's unexplainable. Howard asked the person to come in and reveal who they are. It wasn't Benjy... it was JD.
JD said that this is since he was 18 years old so there was no revelation there. He's 26 years old now and has spent 8 years to get to that $10,000 worth of porn. JD said he goes to web sites where he tells girls what to do on their web cams. Howard wanted him to describe how that works since he's never done it himself. JD couldn't get out what he does so Howard asked him if he goes to the site ''I'm a creepy fuck .com.'' JD said he likes to see girls suck on dildos so that's the kind of stuff he asks them to do.
Howard asked JD which sites he likes to go to but he couldn't just say which ones they were. Howard eventually dragged it out of him and found out he likes Keen.com. He said he will sometimes chat with the girls via phone as well as doing the web site thing. Howard asked him what his web name is for that stuff but JD wasn't talking. Howard asked him if it was CumJunkie. Artie did his impression of JD and goofed on him about that.
Howard also dragged out the name he uses on the web which starts as DABA with some numbers... which turned out to stand for ''Da Bad Ass'' to which everyone broke out laughing. Howard told JD that Chuck Zito is a bad ass, he's not one. JD said he got that nick name from high school after someone goofed on him back then.
Howard tried to reenact a phone call with JD but JD wasn't playing along. Howard was playing the woman on the phone call. Bob Levy said that he should change his name to Da Dumb Ass and Artie said that maybe it should be Da Bad Breath. Howard continued to try and get JD to play along but JD was very hesitant to do anything like that on the air. Howard asked Robin to be the phone sex operator but JD wouldn't play along with that either.
Howard asked JD what kind of weird shit he's asked these chicks to do. JD said ''Uhhhh, you know... uhhhh...'' He eventually said he did see a girl have her dog lick her pussy though. He doesn't know what kind of dog it was but it was so wrong that he got off on it. He said that the woman took some peanut butter and put it in there for the dog to lick. Howard told him he's a ''sick motherfucker'' and a freak. Howard told him he was going to raise his rating from a 5 to a 6 after hearing that.
Will came in to defend JD's revelation. He said that JD probably hasn't made over $50,000 collectively so the $10,000 is a lot of money for him. Howard said they were enjoying the revelation and they were learning even more as it went on.
Howard told JD that he wants to get a phone sex operator tomorrow and have him demonstrate. JD said he's not going to do it. Howard said he can't believe he goes by Da Bad Ass on the web.
In the clip Howard was talking about how this guy from MetRx wanted to give him a gift on the air. He said he thought it would be interesting because he got some really good stuff this year. He said he got a satellite dish but he's not sure where it is. He said they may have just told him that it was his but he may never see it. Gary said it's supposedly waiting at his agent's office. He wasn't in yesterday since it was Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Robin said that people seem to just go to the movies on that day. Howard said his kids loved the new Jason Alexander movie. He said the 3 year old didn't like it but the 9 and 12 year olds did.
Howard said from now on Robin will be known as Martha Luther Queen on Martin Luther King day. Gary said that the KKK guy had a new message yesterday. Howard said he should play that because he hasn't heard from him in a long time. Howard said he was going to hug all of the black employees there yesterday. Robin said it would be a short walk. Howard said they have a ton of black people there at Infinity.
Gary was talking about how he can't figure out the schedule with that day and if they should take it off or not. Howard said that they have never taken it off so he doesn't need to ask. Gary said that's until Howard wonders why they didn't take it off. That led to Howard, Fred and Robin goofing on Gary and making fun of him not understanding.
Howard said he had to play the KKK guy clip. He said he has to go and hug black people too. Howard said maybe he should send John down on the street so he can get some people to hug. Robin said maybe he should hug people he knows. Howard said she's right and they'll wait until next year to do the hugging.
Howard played the KKK guy's message. In the clip Daniel Carver was going off on Martin Luther King calling him Martin Luther Coon. He was using the N-word and going on and on with his racist rant. He was saying that this should be James Earl Ray day and not Martin Luther King Jr. day. He claims that his real name was Michael Coon. Howard asked if that was true. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said he thinks he's ready to debate him. He said he might be able to beat him.
Howard and Robin picked apart some of what Daniel was saying. Howard said he's pretty sure that this guy won't be writing the history books though.
Howard played more of Carver's message. He stopped it and was ready to give up. He said that it he thinks he's going on a little long. He ended up playing more of the message and goofed on Carver a little more about his racist rant.
Howard's $5,000 masturbation machine... 1-16-96. One of Howard's birthday presents was a $5,000 masturbation machine called Venus 2. It was given to him by a sponsor. Howard tried it out on his finger this morning to see if it was safe to use on his wiener. While the thing was whacking off his finger it went whacko and popped off! Howard thought it might not be such a great idea to use it on his weenie so he had one of the E! crew give it a try...on the air! 'Gump', as he's called, gave it a whirl while on the jock lounge phone with Howard. He seemed to be enjoying it when Howard asked Robin to go in to the room just to make sure that the guy was actually using the thing. She popped her head in and he WAS using the thing. 'Gump' stopped after Howard hung up the phone because he felt 'odd' about using it. He gave it an 8 rating out of 10 for pleasure. He said it wasn't like the real thing but it was pretty darn good. What is this world cumming to!?
In the clip Howard was talking about how his mom told him he should try an enema because he had some stomach pains. Howard wondered what that was like since he'd never tried one. Robin said God made a self cleaning system so he shouldn't need that. Howard said someone is taking them. Robin said sometimes it's necessary.
Howard said he was thinking his mom might be right but then he figured he had to go out and buy an enema. He figured he could send John out to get it for him though.
Gary came in and told Howard about getting an enema a few years ago. He said he had to go to the doctor and the nurse told him he had to take one before he came. He said they want you to be clean. Gary said he had to do it like 3 times. Howard said his wife had to do it when she gave birth to the kids. Gary said you're supposed to get on your knees and put your head on the floor to do it. Howard said that's pretty gross just putting your head on the floor.
Robin said you don't have to do it like that. She said she's done it since she was a nurse. Howard asked what the right way to do it is. Robin said you can lay on your left side to do it in bed. She said that you can do it on your knees with your head down too. Howard said he thought maybe there was a third position. Robin said you can hang upside down.
Gary said it's really embarrassing to do. He said if you're kooky and into a cleansing thing then it's probably not bad. Gary said they tell you that you should stay in position until you feel that urge to go has become uncontrollable. Robin said she remembers sending people home with buckets to do the enema with. She said Gary is just doing one of those Fleet enemas. Robin said that's like the home version of the game. The real thing is much worse.
Jackie said his mom gave him one when he was in 6th grade or so. He said he was laying on the floor of the bathroom when he had it. Jackie said the thing is unbelievable. He said it's like holding a firecracker as it's going off.
Gary said his mom would give them enemas when they got sick. He said it didn't help at all. Howard said Gary's mom is a wacky broad. Gary said some people believed that was the way to get better. He said that they think it cleans out your stomach. Howard said he heard that Fred got an enema if he got a bad grade. He used to get straight A's because of that.
Stump The Booey With James And His Girlfriend Jen. 1/16/03. 7:35am
After taking a break Howard came back and played an Onion Radio News bit but there was something that made them hit the delay so we missed the beginning of it. Howard wasn't aware of this so he was talking about talking on the phone while he's in the bathroom. He moved on to the game after that.
Howard introduced James and his girlfriend Jen. Howard said that Jen has some pretty big boobs. He asked her how large they are and she said they're a 34-D. Howard was having some trouble with hiss from the microphones so he had Scott the Engineer come in to check them out. Howard got back to James and said that James is pretty confident with this stuff. He said he used to be a DJ so he knows a lot of the stuff that Gary knows. Howard also talked to Jen about the fact that she might get fondled by the guys if James loses. Jen said she wasn't aware of that part but she'd wait to see what happens before she makes up her mind. Howard told her that he needed a definite yes on the topless thing and the squeezing of the boobs before they moved on. Jen said that her boobs are in pretty good shape since she's only 28 years old.
Howard gave Bally Total Fitness a plug since they were putting up the money for the game today.
Benjy asked Howard if he could give him $15 to get the chance to touch Jen's breasts. James told Benjy that she didn't want him touching her at all though. That isn't going to happen. Howard sent Jen off to the bathroom and had her take off her top just in case James lost. She did that and Howard got right into the game a few seconds later.
James claims that he has been able to beat Gary while playing along at home during other ''Stump the Booey'' games. Howard then got to the first song. Gary and James both wrote down their answers. They had to have both the group and the title of the song. The song was ''Once Bitten Twice Shy'' by Great White and both of them got it right. Howard played the next song and it was ''Somebody's Watching Me'' by Rockwell. Both Gary and James got it right. Howard played the third song and that one was ''Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You'' by Roberta Flack and Pebo Bryson. James screwed up and missed one of the artists. Gary got it right. Howard then played the next song which was ''Twilight Zone'' by Golden Earring. Both Gary and James got it right. Howard played the next, and last, song. Gary would have to screw it up for James to have a chance at winning. Howard played the song and James was stumped. He didn't even write anything down. Howard told him to just write down his girlfriend's phone number since they were all going to be feeling her boobs. He ended up writing ''I'm sorry Jen, I love you.'' Gary gave his answer of ''Walking the Dinosaur'' by Was Not Was. That was the correct answer so James lost. Howard wondered how he missed that after knowing so many of the other songs.
Howard had Jen come out of the bathroom and said her boobs were really nice. He asked her what size they were again and told her how great they looked. Howard told Gary that he really should go first because he won. He said they were all going to get in a line and cop their feels. Howard went over and got in line ready to feel Jen up. Howard went first and said he was going to take his time feeling her up. James told him to take as much time as he needed. Howard felt the right and then the left. Gary cut in line and said he was going to touch them both at the same time. Howard laughed as Gary felt her up. Stuttering John went next and quickly felt her up. Artie then went and got a feel. Fred ran up next and got a quick feel. Howard laughed and said this was sick. James said he was fine with it all and Jen wanted Howard to feel them anyway.
James told Howard that he just lost his job yesterday. He said he cracked a joke about his boss and how he doesn't get upset with him getting into accidents since he's a Jew. That didn't seem to make much sense to Howard so he moved on. Gary said that James is also trying to find his birth mother and he needed the money to go with the company that found Cabbie's mother. Howard decided to offer James another chance at winning some money. Howard said he'd give James $5000 and $1000 to Jen if they did something. Gary said she'd have to take off her pants. John suggested that she hug them while she's naked. Gary asked if they could get a hug and touch her boobs again. Howard told her she'd have to lose her underpants for a short time. Howard told her this is only if James loses. Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to get an answer out of Jen. She went for it and said she'd do it. Howard sent her back to the bathroom and had her hand over her pants and panties to KC. She didn't have any panties though.
Howard started up the second game playing the first song which was ''Burning Down The House'' by Talking Heads. Both of them got it right. The song was ''The Look of Love'' by ABC. Both got it right. Up next was ''In a Big Country'' by Big Country. Both of them got it right. Howard said that was one of his favorite songs from the '80's. He listened to a little bit of it and said the lead singer killed himself. Howard then played the next song and James was a little stumped again. The song was ''Some Day, Some Way'' by Marshall Krenshaw. James got it wrong. Gary got it right. Howard played the last song and it was an easy one. It was Def Leppard's ''Photograph.'' Gary was having some trouble with it though. James wrote down the right answer and Gary still had a little trouble. He said he wasn't a fan of the band and wasn't sure about the answer. James got it right, Gary said it was Armageddon It and got it wrong. It was tied at this point so Howard had to play one more to break the tie. Howard played the song and Gary started to write immediately after hearing the start of the song. James had a little trouble with it. Howard started the song over again and James seemed to have a clue. James had nothing but Ray Parker Jr. on his paper. Gary had it right with ''Get Down On It'' by Cool and the Gang. Howard thought he was about to cry at this point. James said Jen really didn't want to get naked today. Howard had Gary bring Jen out and she looked really good according to Gary. Howard told her she looked fine too. Howard told Gary to go first since he won again. Gary said he was going to grab a boob and grab an ass cheek. Gary said she actually pulled him in. Howard went next and copped a feel again. He said James was staring him down as he went over. Stuttering John was next and he let out a ''yeah'' as he squeezed her ass. Artie went up next and grabbed her ass. Fred went up and tried to make up for the last time. Howard wrapped up the game after that and then took a break. Howard gave Jen the $1000 because she was a good sport.
In the clip Robin was reading some news stories and had some audio of Mr. Rogers talking to children about war. Howard ended up doing his Mr. Rogers impression for a few minutes goofing on the guy. He said that if there's war you have to use his fly as a snorkel. Howard said that's how you play Iraq. He said you pretend that his fly is the mask and you breath through his snorkel. Howard sang the Mr. Rogers theme song and said he had a jar on his piano and it was filled with a kid's daddy. Howard said that he went to war and that's what happens to daddy. Howard warned children not to vacuum up daddy. Howard had Mr. Rogers saying all kinds of inappropriate stuff to the kids. He had him bad mouthing the Iraqi people and told them to pee in their gas tanks and things like that.
Robin's News. 01/16/08. 10:10am
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played one of her news themes. She started out with a story about Ellen Degeneres and that led to Howard asking Gilbert if he's got any show business friends who call him. Gilbert said that he never really gets calls from anyone, although he used to get a call from one celebrity. That was Richard Jeni, who committed suicide. The guys goofed on him about not having any friends. Gilbert said he once got Michael J. Fox's phone number. He said that he told him to give him a call so he did that but then it was like one of those calls when you hear ''Oh, yeah, hi...'' on the other end. He said it was like he didn't expect him to really call.
Robin got back to the Ellen story and said that a study was done and they found that Ellen was more popular than Oprah. Howard said that was ridiculous because Oprah gets bigger ratings. He said that's what shows popularity. They were talking about some other people on that popularity list like Ray Romano and Homer Simpson. Howard did a little bit of his impression of Ray Romano which sounds a little bit like Kermit the Frog.
Howard said that Gilbert is good at impressions but then Artie told a story about Gilbert doing a gig where most of the people were like 22 year old kids and he was doing impressions of Humphrey Bogart for them, like they'd know who he was. They said that Gilbert still does material about Planet of the Apes too.
Artie said that he saw Gilbert at Caroline's in 1987. He saw him again 7 years later and he did the same act, verbatim. He did some of the material that he used to do and Howard told him that he really has to work on some new material.
Robin said there was a story about Jackie renewing his contract with SIRIUS to continue his show there. Artie and Gilbert did some impressions of him and goofed on him a little bit.
Howard played some clips of Tom Cruise talking about being a Scientologist. He was talking about what a privilege it is and how he knows that he can help people. In another clip Tom was talking about going on vacation and going out to romp and play but he can't because he knows... He didn't say what he knows, he just knows. Howard said that L. Ron Hubbard probably never thought that he'd have someone this whacked out pushing his religion.
In another clip Tom starts laughing like a mental patient as he's talking about ''SPs'' (Suppressive Personalities) and throwing out some other terms that they use. Howard said he had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. JD said that he should play another clip because he talks about some other wacky stuff. Howard played that clip where Tom is talking about how they can unite cultures, bring peace and rehabilitate prisoners. Howard told him to go and do it then. Tom talks about going around the world and talking to various leaders of countries and how they want help.
Robin said she heard that Tom was doing karate chopping and stuff like that during those clips. Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wasn't a full Scientologist yet because she doesn't have the money for that. Howard said he finds it amusing that Tom thinks he's some kind of savior. He said that all of these religions are completely nuts. He talked about how crazy Tom comes off talking about how he thinks he can bring peace and cure people. The woman said that she thinks that they should give him a chance and maybe read the book. No one in the studio was going to do that though. Howard let her go and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read a story about Senator Larry Craig and the trouble he got into when he was arrested for allegedly soliciting gay sex in an airport bathroom. The ACLU has jumped on his side and they're trying to help his defense. That had Artie and Gilbert cracking up while Fred was playing some oral sex sound clips.
Robin brought up a story about a study that was done about clowns and how kids don't actually like them. Howard said that's not news, that's known already. Of course kids hate clowns. Gilbert said that not one person has ever laughed at a clown, it just doesn't happen.
Robin read a story about a study being done on dog barks so they can be better understood. She also had a story about actor Brad Renfro being found dead. Gilbert joked that he had just given him his number and he was supposed to call him tonight. He was also saying that Artie was asked for some advice on what to do for the funeral. He did his impression of Artie and goofed on him a little bit. Then Artie said that he was out in the green room talking to Gilbert and Gilbert ended up laughing at him after he got out like 2 words.
Gilbert went into his George Jessel impression which sounds a bit like the Artie impression. Robin tried to get back into her news but Gilbert was talking over her doing his impression. He had Artie laughing his ass off. Howard said that people probably forget just how funny that guy looked too.
Robin read through some more news stories. She had one about cloning and that led to the guys talking about cloning beef. Howard said they want to do that because people like beef and they need more of it. The guys laughed at that explanation but Howard said that's the reason.
Robin had some news clips about Oprah's new TV network and what that was going to be about. Howard said that she's not going to be putting any effort into that network. He said he's very upset about this deal.
Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard who wasn't on the line, she was yelling at someone else for a few seconds. Howard told her to have sex with George Jessel and had Gilbert go into his impression again. Gilbert asked her if she was wet but Wendy was busy yelling at someone, maybe a baby, so Howard hung up on her.
Robin brought up last night's American Idol and said it continues tonight. She had some clips from last night's show that Howard played. She had clips of Angela Martin, Joey Catalano and some of the people who were awful. Howard had Gilbert doing his George Jessel impression for a few minutes as they were wrapping up the news. He was doing an interview with him as if he were actually George.
Howard had Robin get back to her news after he gave Gilbert some more plugs for his DVD and CD. He tried to make the Wendy the Retard thing happen again but that didn't work out. Robin went through some more stories and brought up the David Spade story and said that Matthew McConaughey is also having a kid. That somehow got Gilbert and Fred doing their ''Sue, Si, Sy'' thing for a few seconds. Howard had to ask him to stop because he wanted to get out of there at a decent time.
Robin quickly went through some more stories and talked about Major League Baseball trying to stop steroid abuse. She also talked about Britney Spears and how she had written a suicide note last week before she was hospitalized. That got Gilbert doing an impression of Bruce Valanche helping Britney out writing that suicide note. Robin said that the note was apparently very sad and she talked about how tough life is and how peaceful death seemed to be. Howard said he wondered what Paul Lynde would say to something like that so Gilbert went into that impression for a short time.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:40am.
Howard and the guys were back live today. Howard started the show talking about Martin Luther King Day after Robin wished Howard a happy one. Howard said that's Robin's favorite day. Howard said he was with all of his daughters over the weekend. He said they all celebrated his birthday together. He said they had some fun and a good time. Robin congratulated him on that.
Howard said they're back and live and they're on Sirius XM which is sometimes one company, sometimes two. He said he got a letter from a fan who told him that customer service told him that they're one company. That's not good news for them for the lawsuit. He said that was his assumption as well. He said that he may have just won his case. Howard said ''Show me the money.''
Howard said Benjy has shaved for those who are following that whole thing. Howard asked him why he shaved. Benjy said he's growing it back but it was getting so bushy. He said he loved the length at some point and he wants to find that again. He said he tried sheers but it didn't come out very good. Howard said if he has to shave and grow it back to that point he's not going to be handsome to his girlfriend for a few days. Robin said she likes this look. Howard asked Benjy if the new girlfriend has told him he looks better with whiskers. Benjy said she has. He said she likes it at a certain length.
Howard said the dog appears to be a golden retriever. Fred said she is a mix and they think there is collie in there too. He said they estimate it'll end up being 50-70 pounds. Fred said he thinks the brother was better looking but this one had a winning way about it. Fred's sister-in-law also got a dog and they'll be introducing both of them in the near future. The dog's name is Betty.
Robin said she has an announcement to make. She said she wants to tell everyone something. Howard didn't like her tone. Robin said she has to say something to him. She said she doesn't like the way Howard is reacting. Howard said she must be in heat or something, like a Vulcan.
Howard said that it must have something to do with a charity. Fred said he thinks it's something more domestic than a charity for a foreign country.
Howard tried to guess what it is. He guessed she has bed bugs. Robin said she wants to apologize to everyone. She said she spent time up in Boston with Allison Armstrong and she was learning about ''Celebrating men, satisfying women.'' She said that Allison studies men. She does a workshop and Robin learned that she's been emasculating men all her life and she wants to apologize to all of them. Howard said she's right and she's treating them like she's angry with her father.
Robin said she took an oath this weekend and she will never emasculate another man in her life. Howard said he's not accepting the apology. Robin said she needs everyone's help to keep her vow. She said that she may not even know she's doing it. Howard said they have to point out when she's emasculating to them. Howard said he will not tell her when she's being emasculating. He said he'll only get further emasculated.
Robin said she thought about how awful she was to Howard at one point. She said she didn't realize that he was just trying to protect his family at the time. She said that she cut him to the quick and she's so sorry. Howard said he's accepting that apology. He said that Allison Armstrong must be a genius if she can get through to Robin.
Howard asked if she's going to apologize to Sully Sullenberger. Robin said she will. She said he's her hero now. Robin said that she's seen what she's been doing and she learned a lot in this seminar.
Howard said he learned nothing over the weekend. He said he sat in his apartment. He said that he learned Fred had a new dog.
Fred said that their puppy made a number one and two in the wee-wee pad. Howard asked why he didn't take her out. Fred said they told them not to take her out yet because she hasn't had her shots yet.
Howard said he hopes that Robin apologizes to JD for beating him in the arm wrestling match. Robin said she feels bad about that too.
Howard said Dave Navarro will be coming in today too. He said that Dave's penis has been inside Carmen Electra. Robin said she saw he has a new show about tattoo artists. Howard said they'll talk to him about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked about how he handles it when he hurts people's feelings after he's on the air. She was referring to Tim Sabean. Howard said that he asks him why he gets so sensitive about it when he's in the hall. Robin said he's emasculating him. Howard said that's what he's doing. He said he yells at him out in the hall.
The caller asked if Howard and Tim are the only ones who can kill a story. Howard said Benjy can kill one too. He said that they will ask about certain stories and they can kill them if they need to. Howard said they're not looking to ruin anyone's lives there.
The caller said she liked the This Date in Howard History they ran yesterday. She asked about JD being called Da Bad Ass. Howard said that he heard that replay yesterday. He said that JD was talking about that woman he was having online sex with and he revealed that his online name was Da Bad Ass or DABA. Howard said he asked who his favorite was and he revealed that it was KissyFur.
The caller asked how all of that fell off the radar. Howard said Jackie was always great at keeping stuff like that going. JD said he still hears about it and it hasn't gone anywhere. The caller said she had forgotten about it but she laughed when she heard it yesterday.
Howard asked JD if he's still Da Bad Ass online. JD said he's not. He said that he had to change it after he told it on the air. Howard asked it was hard to give it up. JD said it wasn't and he's not sure if anyone else took it. He said he's not going to say anything about the new name. Howard asked if it's now ''Da Real Bad Ass'' now. JD said it's not.
Howard asked JD how he got the nickname. JD said in high school his nickname was cheese because he said something cheesy in drama class. He said the name stuck with him. Howard said he got off easy with that name. He said that's kind of sweet actually. JD said that's what his friends called him. JD said he was giving someone a ride home and acting tough so someone called him Cheesy Da Bad Ass so he took the name Da Bad Ass.
The caller asked if he'd be willing to tell his new name for something. Howard said he wants to know what it is. JD said he's @JDHarm on Twitter now. Howard asked how long it took to come up with the new name. JD said he didn't know. Howard said that's his whole image online now. JD sounded really uncomfortable talking about this. Howard said being Da Bad Ass is really grandiose. JD said he started it at 18. Howard said that's like what Chuck Zito would call himself. JD said it just popped into his head and he used it. He will never use it again though. Howard said now he can be Da Fat Ass. Everyone let out a groan when he said that.
Howard said his online name is Jelly Ass so JD shouldn't feel so bad. Howard asked what it'll take to get his new online name. JD said he's not even online that much. He said he will go onto those pay sites once in a while but not that much. Howard asked how often that happens. JD said it's a couple times a week sometimes.
JD said it took a while to get back on and start doing that stuff again. Howard asked if they ruined KissyFur for him. JD said they sort of did. Howard asked if he has a new favorite. JD said he's not going into this again. Howard asked what the go to web site is. JD said he won't talk about that stuff anymore. He said he was scarred the last time he talked about it. Howard said poor Robin can't even talk during this segment. She's afraid of emasculating him.
Howard asked JD how many web sites there are that he visits. JD said there are just a couple. Howard asked how he picks a girl over another one. JD said some of them are hotter than others. Howard asked when he last called someone. JD said it was sometime over the weekend. Howard said JD was there working last night. JD said he does that so he makes sure he has stuff ready.
JD said he called one of the girls over the weekend. Howard asked if he feels empty inside after doing it. JD said he does. The caller asked how much he spends on these women. JD said some are $2.99 a minute and some are $7.99 a minute. He said he rarely calls those girls though. JD said they have to be really hot.
The caller kept bringing up stuff from yesterday's replay. JD asked if they really have to re-live all of this stuff. Howard asked JD what kind of money he spends on this stuff. JD said that he might spend 10 minutes with the girl. Howard said that's like $100 a week he's spending. Howard said he needs a girlfriend. Then he said that's actually cheaper than a girlfriend.
Howard said he's never done what JD does. Howard asked if he has ever just not finished and gotten off the line with the girl. JD said he will do that. He said he'll go to a porn web site and finish there. He said he feels like an asshole if he does that. JD said he'll go to TubeGalore instead. Howard didn't understand what he said so he was goofing on JD about the way he speaks.
Howard asked if the girls who charge $7.99 a minute are better looking. JD said some of them are. He said he uses his credit card to charge it. Howard asked if he trusts them with that. JD said he has a certain limit on his card so he can't spend too much. Howard said that's a smart move. Howard said that's a good way to watch porn. He said he's a smart pervert. Howard said he's a pervert too.
Howard said there are a lot of guys who are like this. He said JD is a lonely guy and there are a lot of lonely guys out there. He said this is a stress buster. Howard said this helps him with his job of watching television. JD said that's a great way of simplifying things. Robin said there must be better ways of getting a release.
The caller said she loved the discussion about Da Bad Ass. Howard said he has to know the new name. JD said that he doesn't have a new name. Howard said he does too. JD said he's not going to say anything anymore. JD said that revelation show was the worst day of his life. He talked about spending 10 grand in porn and they didn't think that was good enough so he kept talking.
Howard played a prank call the guys made using clips of JD talking to KissyFur telling her what to do on cam. They called a toy store with those clips and had JD asking the people to play with toys.
After that call Howard said he didn't have any success there. Howard said he's generally curious about what he's up to but he won't talk today. JD said that he's never talking again. JD said he already did that. Robin asked JD if he'd like to have a life where he's not living a secret. Howard said that's like Dexter. He has a dark passenger and he can't be authentic with anyone and he's trying to help JD with that. JD said he's not ashamed of what he does but he's tired of talking about it.
Howard said JD has to have an online name to be on these sites. Howard said he has to have something new. He said he's going to guess that he's Da Bad Ass but he's not saying so he can protect his identity. JD said he's wrong. Howard said that he has changed his name then. JD said he has. Howard asked if he's Cheesy D or something. JD just laughed. Howard asked JD if his name has something to do with online sex. JD said it's not that. Howard said JD has a ''horny passenger'' with him.
Howard asked JD if the girl was good online on Friday. JD said she was. Howard asked if she did something kinky. JD said it's mainly the dildo thing and he has them suck on them. Benjy laughed so JD said ''fuck you and Elisa...'' Howard asked if JD doesn't like her. JD said she's fine. He said she's a good looking girl. JD said he doesn't know what's going on there though. Howard said Benjy doesn't seem to mind if she's using him.
Howard asked how much this girl cost him. JD said she was probably $3.99 a minute. Howard asked JD how he knows how much he spent at the end of the month. JD said you can see what you spend. Robin asked if they set the time ahead of time so he knows when he's done. JD said it's not like that. Howard asked if he can get any of the girls to go out on a date. JD said most of them don't live anywhere near him. Howard asked JD if they call him by his screenname. JD said they will. He said that some of the women are in Europe and places like that so sometimes the voice and video don't match up.
Robin said JD is having sex around the world. Howard asked if there's ever a language problem. JD said that's why he doesn't talk to many of the foreign girls. Howard asked if he thanks them or just gets offline. JD said he will thank them sometimes. Robin asked if he tells them if they're successful. JD just sighed. Howard and Robin kept asking questions about the process. Howard asked if he's nude when he calls in. JD wasn't answering as much. Fred was doing his impression of JD and goofing on him.
Howard said he used to have a whole routine when he'd do that kind of thing. Richard had a whole set up when he'd do it too. Howard asked where he finishes. JD said he has old shirts that he'll finish in. He said he puts them in the trash. JD said he will use paper towels too. JD told Howard he just wants to leave now. Howard kept going.
Howard asked JD if his roommate is around. JD said he's working out of state so he's got the place to himself right now. Howard asked JD why he'd ruin a t-shirt to jerk off. JD said he's used tissues and paper towels too. He said he'll use whatever is laying around. Howard imagined him jerking off into his roommate's shoe.
Howard said this doesn't sound so weird except cumming into his shirt. JD said he doesn't do that all the time. Howard said it might be a psychological thing. JD said it's not. Howard asked how many shirts he's got and how many is he ruining every week. JD said he doesn't know. He said he doesn't use tissues but he uses other things.
Howard asked JD if he gives his shirts to charity. JD said he doesn't do that. Howard said there are a bunch of homeless pregnant women who got JD's shirts.
Howard said JD is a good dude and he really needs a girlfriend. JD said he doesn't go out that much and that may have a lot to do with it. Howard said he should stop jerking off to the computer and get out. Howard said he knew a chick who wasn't meeting anyone and she went to a therapist who told her to stop masturbating and get out. Howard said that she was withdrawing and she had to get out there. Robin said that's what Richard did and now he's married. Howard said maybe JD should try that and get out to meet some girls. JD said he can try. Robin told him that's good and he should try it.
Howard said JD might be getting desensitized. He said he might have to finish into a t-shirt. He said that the sucking on a dildo thing is weird too. He said he should be careful and make sure the girls aren't taping him. JD said they can't see him. He said they don't hear his voice either. He just types.
Howard asked JD if he types the sound of cumming. JD said he doesn't. Howard said he did that when he was doing online sex. Howard said JD is good on the computer. Robin asked what he types. JD said ''whatever...'' Robin asked what he says. JD said it just happens. Howard told Robin that she's emasculating him again. Robin apologized.
JD said that he has to hear about this from his family if he talks about it on the air. He said he doesn't want that going on. Howard said he can't believe he wastes a t-shirt with that. Howard asked if he's ever cum into his hand. JD said he doesn't do that either. Howard said he does want to know his online name. JD said there is nothing to know. Howard said he's bumming him out. He said he's told him very little. JD said he's sorry.
Howard said he doesn't like that he's spending $7.99 a minute for this stuff. He said the girls are sucking on dildos and he's jerking off into t-shirts. He said he gets free shirts there so he's getting them gratis. He said he should think about that.
Howard said that this is where Sirius subscriber money goes. JD said ''Barely...'' Howard said if you add up what JD spends and put it into an investment he'd have a retirement fund. JD said he knows. Howard said his father used to save whatever he could so he'd have money when he retired. Howard said that he should be jerking off to free stuff.
Howard said that JD has spent a lot of money on this kind of thing. He yelled at him for blowing his whole tax return one night on a stripper. Howard asked JD what it's like not being able to finish one sentence. JD just laughed.
Howard said Jason and Will have wives. Will has a kid. Richard is married now too. JD said he does talk to people here and there. He said he puts himself out there. He said some girls just lost interest in him. Howard said there are guys who are 10 times grosser than him and they have girls. JD said he knows. Howard said Scott the Engineer has a wife. Fred has a wife. Howard said Fred was like JD and wouldn't leave his apartment. He said he branched out and got a wife. Howard asked JD if he wants to try a dial-a-date. JD said no. Howard said that's how Fred found his wife.
Howard said that JD was on his dial-a-date and the girl must have found his shirt pile. He said he wants to try another dial-a-date. JD said he's not interested. He said he'd have to think about it.
Gary said that JD wants a fuck, not a date. Howard said he thinks he should find a relationship. JD said he's not focused on relationships right now. He said he does get lonely at times but those times are less than when he's not lonely. Howard said JD keeps talking about how busy he is and how he wants to direct a movie but he's too busy to do that. JD said he's never said that. Howard said he must be too busy jerking off into shirts.
Howard asked the audience to send in their unused t-shirts for JD to jerk off into. JD said that's just what he needs. Howard said he thought JD was looking for intimacy. JD said if it happens then he'll take it but he's not really looking for it. Howard said that people must be a burden to him. JD said it's not like that. He said he doesn't want to be bothering other people. Robin asked what his social life is. JD said he rarely goes out.
Howard asked JD if he'd want to go out with Alexis Stewart. JD said he's pretty sure she wouldn't be interested in him. JD said he's friends with Jenny Hutt so that may not go well. Howard said if JD ever feels like telling him his name online then he can come in and tell him. JD said he may never go online again after this. Howard said he bets he'll be on this afternoon. JD said he may be sleeping this afternoon.
Howard said Beth came home in full make up so he took some pictures of her. He said he had a whole lighting set up in the bedroom. He said she was complaining the whole time and saying that he wasn't shooting her right. He said that he took some pictures and she ended up liking them. Bobo said he thinks he saw some camel toe there. He said that he had to go and get a special lens to see it. Howard said he shot that with a telephoto lens that was 70-200MM. Howard said Beth has a Twitter account and she tweets out pictures like that.
Howard said one guy told Beth he didn't want to see those pictures. He isn't sure why the guy follows her then. Bobo asked how Will is after having his son. Howard said the guy looks exhausted but that's to be expected with a new father.
Howard said he had to take a break. He said they'll be talking to Nick Cannon in the next hour. Howard said they'll be talking about America's Got Talent and how that whole thing will work. Howard said they have to ask Nick why Mariah said that he had kidney failure when he had kidney stones. Howard said they have to ask about the waiting around time on AGT too.
Howard said that Nick is a really busy guy and he works a lot of shows. He said that he wants to ask him about all of that too. Howard said he'd like to know if Mariah stops by the set of the show too. He said that he may have to have her hang out in his trailer. Howard said he might have to seduce her while Nick is doing his announcing on the show or working his 5 jobs. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he saw a promo that NBC did for America's Got Talent where they had fans yelling for him and also had some people who have no idea who he is. Howard said there was one woman who said that she was looking forward to him judging her. He said she was a belly dancer and there is nothing less sexy to him than a belly dancing outfit. Howard said that she's not going to like him when he's done with her. Howard said belly dancing is not a career. He said that it's a hobby.
Howard said he's looking for talent so she may not like him after he judges her. Robin said Howard has to have his integrity. Howard said he can't imagine that she's going to do anything that wild that will impress him. Howard said maybe a singing group of belly dancers would do it. Howard said being a judge is a more confusing job than you think. Howard said that the belly dancer outfit looks like Jeanie and it's not that sexy. He said they should update the outfit somehow. He said they have to jazz it up.
Howard said Gary is coming with him to Austin, Texas. He said that Gary wants to watch him do his thing. He said he's hard it's going to be a long day though. Robin said she wants to go to San Diego when he's out there. Howard said he's only there for two days. Robin said she knows.
Robin asked Howard if he's heard about what's going on in Iran with their nuclear scientists. Howard said we're... or someone... is blowing them up. Robin said that these guys will ride up to them, put a magnetic bomb on their car and blow them up. Howard said what these guys do is amazing. He said that they go in and take out the enemy. Howard said it's a scary world we live in. Howard said there are guys plotting to blow citizens up and it's just crazy.
Howard said that people are going to be afraid to be scientists over there in Iran. Robin said we're saying we don't know what's going on. Howard said we have some military and we have to be the ultimate power in the world. He said that terrorists hate Osama bin Laden more than we do. He said the terrorists in Afghanistan hate that he unleased a monster on them. Howard said that the United States Military is amazing.
Robin asked Howard if he saw what happened with the group of soldiers that were photographed urinating on people they had killed. Howard said he saw that and he agrees with Rick Perry about what he said. He said that during Vietnam this kind of thing went on and no one said a word. He said that they're into their jobs. Robin said that when we do something we're supposed to show them there is a better way to be. Howard said war is about humiliating the enemy. Howard said that people said we shouldn't have desecrated the body of Osama Bin Laden. Howard yelled ''Fuck you!'' He said that if you fuck with us we piss on your grave. He said these are people who want to kill us during the night. Robin said that these people are already dead though. Howard said that's right. He said these guys are risking their lives to kill these guys and so what if you piss on them. Howard said that we're angry. He asked when it got to the point that you have to be politically correct when you're angry.
Howard said that we're now showing them that if you fuck with us we'll kill you and then piss on you. Robin said we're supposed to be honorable people. Robin said that they leaked those photos and no one would have known about it unless they were leaked. Howard said that maybe they'll stop blowing us up after seeing that kind of thing.
Howard said he's wiling to take credit for something like that. Robin said she wants to err on the side of greatness. Howard said Robin was in the military but she wasn't in combat. Howard said he'll let someone who served and saw action comment on this. Robin said that she heard some young man say ''do the right thing even when no one is watching.'' Howard said that you have to put yourself in their shoes and think about what those guys are going through over there. He said that we're at war. He said he understands it. He said that you can sit in the comfort of your own home and think that you wouldn't do it. Howard said that when that cruise ship was going down in Italy there were men pushing women and children out of the way to get off the boat. He said that chivalry thing goes right out the window. He said that he would piss on the body of the enemy too.
Howard said that he thinks that you're more human if you're pissing on someone else. He said that this is no game. He said it's real life and those guys are trying to take our lives. Howard said you're kidding yourself if you think this is a game. Howard said that a warrior does do stuff like this. He said that they do it because they just faced death. Robin said she's trying not to make faces during this. Howard said that people's behavior changes in certain situations. Howard said that he and Robin have said things in their radio wars. He said that Robin has been there and done the same thing to a lesser degree. Robin said Howard regrets some of that behavior. Howard said it's dopey radio though, that's why.
Howard said that he's not sure those soldiers deserve to be locked up. He said some of them are only 19 years old. He said they're facing death there. Robin said she thinks that we have to strive for a higher standard. Howard said she's right but they have to take a break before getting to Nick Cannon.
Howard came back and asked Gary how they're coordinating this whole thing. Gary said they're getting Nick on the line now. Howard said they're going to be live on Nick's show so they can't curse. Robin said they're going back to the world of terrestrial radio.
Gary told Howard it should be about 15 seconds. Howard picked up had Nick on the line but Nick was talking to his co-host. Nick said he has a love / hate relationship with Howard. He said he's a radio fan and they've had their differences about things. He said he has nothing but respect for Howard though. He said Howard is going to be replacing Piers Morgan and he thinks they'll make good radio. Howard said he can't get a word in. Nick and his co-host were going on and on not putting him on.
Nick said he gets to be home with his family now that America's Got Talent will be in New York. He said that he appreciates that. Nick finally put Howard on.
Nick told Howard it was an honor. Howard said he knows that Nick was ill. today was his first day back. Howard said he's excited to be on his show because he's on his old radio station (92.3 in New York). Howard said that Nick can curse on his show but they can't curse on Nick's. Nick said Howard is really good with that kind of thing and he knows that he won't be cursing on America's Got Talent.
Howard asked Nick if he had kidney stones or kidney failure. Nick said they thought that he had acute mountain illness and then they found that it was more than kidney stones. He said that his kidney's weren't functioning right. He said it was mild kidney failure. He said that he's feeling good though.
Howard asked Nick if anyone has spoken to him about his lifestyle. Nick's co-host was saying she has spoken to him about it. Howard said he read that Nick only sleeps like 5 minutes here and there. Nick said that's what it's like sometimes. Howard asked why he's grabbing at so much. He said he's going to kill himself. Nick said he knows that now. He said that he thought the harder you work the more you can accomplish but now he's had this situation and he knows he doesn't need to go so hard.
Howard asked Nick what he's going to cut back on. Nick said it's about the way he's living. He said he was DJ'ing and doing stand-up. Howard said he should cut out parenthood. Robin said that's the most important thing. Nick said that maybe Howard can give him some tips on how to juggle that whole thing.
Howard said Nick is married to Mariah Carey and he could sit back and relax. He said he admires his work ethic. He said that he isn't just sitting back and letting Mariah pay for everything.
Nick's co-host asked why Howard didn't call Nick. Howard didn't have his number and he doesn't have a relationship yet. He said maybe they'll form one. Nick asked Robin if Howard was in the hospital if she'd call him. Nick's co-host apparently didn't do that. She said that she thought he needed his rest. Robin said that she'd be on the floor in the hospital room. Howard said she'd be straddling him.
Howard said that now that he's on this America's Got Talent they're saying that he and Nick are at war. Howard said he has never said what they claim he said in the tabloids. Howard said he never called Mariah a bitch. He said he doesn't talk that way. Nick said he knows that Howard did say that his wife put on some weight and that was kind of rude and disrespectful. Howard said he's ready to take his whooping. Howard said as long as Nick is ill then he should be able to last a few minutes. Nick said he has to let him get back into shape. Howard said he's not going to let him get back in shape.
Howard said he doesn't know how this whole thing is going to work. Nick asked if the Howard TV guys are going to be traveling with them. Nick said he knows he has to get up early as hell to do his radio show. Howard said he's going to be taking off a few days so he doesn't end up with kidney failure. Howard said he could not do Nick's schedule. He said he's not sure how he's doing it. Howard said he can't wait to ask Nick some stuff when they hang out. Howard asked Nick how he and Mariah work out the paying for the house and stuff. Nick said it all depends. He said that in New York Mariah pays. Out on the West Coast he pays for stuff. He said that he'd like to be able to buy her a house on the East Coast though.
Howard and Robin figured that he had to sign a pre-nup. Nick said of course he did. He said he wasn't broke when he married her but he didn't have her kind of money.
Howard asked Nick about how the tapings go with AGT. Nick said they didn't tell Howard about the 16 hour days. Howard said he thinks they lied to him about the hours he has to work. Nick said that the days are very long and grueling. He said that they have to take a commercial break. Nick had to send his show to break but Nick stayed on the line with Howard.
Howard was hoping that Nick would stay on. Howard got him back a few seconds later. Howard asked Nick how long the days really are. Nick said they shoot from about 11 in the morning until 11 at night for three days in a row. Howard said they're going to have a judge there sleeping then. Nick said they give 15 minute pee breaks but that's about it. Howard said it's no wonder Nick has to carry around a pillow.
Robin asked if there is long breaks where he can sit in his trailer. Nick said no. He said you have to sit through like 200 people doing ridiculousness. Howard said he's not going to have much patience for that. Nick said that Piers would walk off and get upset when he was on the show. Howard said he felt that was kind of put on. Nick said that some of it may have been but not all of it. He said he can't imagine Howard is going to put up with this stuff.
Howard said he is there to work and he's going to walk in and give his opinion and that's it. Nick said that Howard has already established the fear of god in all of them over there. Nick said he's on the ride with Howard.
Howard asked if he can hang out with Mariah at the shoot. Nick said maybe she'll come when they're in New York. He said that they might be able to get her to do an appearance.
Howard asked Nick about his schedule when he was doing his show in New York from Los Angeles. Nick said he would finish the show around 7am out in L.A. and he'd go to the set and do the whole hair and wardrobe thing. Then he'd be on set from 10am to 8 or 9 at night. He said he had to do the live show too. Nick said Howard will have to come in later in the day so he won't have it so bad. Howard said he can't believe his schedule. Nick said it is tough. He said he has saved his life by moving the show to New York.
Howard said he can't imagine that how he was handling all of that. Nick said it was tough. He said that he was going back and forth between New York and L.A. He said he's still young so it wasn't so bad.
Howard said Nick gave up an incredible sex life. He said he has a list of women he was with. Howard said he was engaged to Mariah after dating her for only 6 weeks. Howard asked if he thinks that's crazy. Nick said it absolutely was. He said that celebrities are crazy. He said he was always a fan of her's and they hit it off from the start.
Howard said Nick also got engaged to a Victoria's Secret model. Nick said that was longer than six weeks. Howard said he proposed to her on the Times Square Jumbotron. Nick said he's a hopeless romantic. He said he got his soul mate so he's done with all of that now.
Howard asked if Mariah will sing to him while they're making love. Nick said that she will. Howard said he would love that. Howard asked if he's gotten her to sing ''Hero'' to him. Nick said he hasn't gotten that yet.
Nick had to come back from break on his show. Nick said this is great. He told Howard he's a fan of his show and he knows he makes fun of him saying ''America Have Voted'' but he still likes him. Howard said he does put on a bit of a street voice for him.
Howard asked Nick about his televangelist father before he came back from break. Howard said that he wanted to recap what they learned during the commercial. He said they learned that Mariah sings to Nick during love making and she hasn't gotten to sing ''Hero'' yet. Howard said that Nick lost his virginity at 13 years old. Nick said that his listeners know that story. He said that he cried after that. He said that it happened at a church lock in and everyone laughed at him. Nick said that he vowed to never let that happen again.
Robin asked what a church lock in is. Nick said in certain neighborhoods they keep you locked in at night so you can play Jesus games and stuff like that. He said that it was a way to keep them harnessed. Howard said you'd think Nick would hate religion because his parents were so involved. Nick said he's a very spiritual person now. He said he has always had that but he thinks that the business of religion his horrible. He said he talks to his dad about that. Nick said he and his dad have this debate a lot.
Howard asked if his family hits him up for money all the time. Nick said they do but his parents are doing just fine. He said he's got four younger brothers so he employs them. He said they're working and doing their thing.
Howard asked Nick if he made love to Lindsay Lohan. Nick said he never made love to her. Howard asked if he had sex with her. Nick said no. He said he does know her but they were just friends. He said they hung out a couple of times. Howard asked if he kissed her. Nick said it was late. Howard asked how far he got with her. Nick said they were very respectful with each other. He said that she was a lot younger at the time. He said he was never really into younger women like that. Howard said they did make out though. Nick just sighed. He said that he thinks that she came on to him. Howard asked if he pushed her away. Nick said he's still a man so he didn't push her away.
Nick said that he went out with Kim Kardashian. Howard said he didn't know that. Nick said that he has to get on top of pop culture. Howard said he really gave up a lot to be with Mariah. Nick said he did but he really loves her. He said that Mariah is very nurturing. He said their relationship was great already but it got even better with this whole kidney thing.
Nick had to take another break. He went to commercial but he didn't get back on with Howard. Howard said he thinks he left. He said that he wanted to say goodbye. He said he thinks they're having dinner together in L.A. soon. He said they're all going to get to know each other out there. Howard said that Nick must have left. He hung up.
Howard said he needs another hour with that guy. He said that terrestrial radio is so annoying with the commercials. Howard said Nick actually does a great job on America's Got Talent. Howard said he's so glad he's not on terrestrial radio now. He said it must frustrate the audience when they take so many breaks. Howard said that he had to get to Dave Navarro but he has to take a break first.
Howard told Dave he saw Elton John perform in a friend's living room recently. Howard said this guy hired him to do his birthday party for like a million bucks. Howard said he saw him do a show for an hour and a half or so. Howard said he taped some of that but it was only like two seconds so he could show his kids. Dave said it can be a weird thing when the entire audience is recording. He said that instead of lighters, now you see the glow of the phones out there. He said it's kind of cool though.
Howard said that Perry Farrell is one of those guys who never quite became a household name. Howard said that you expect him to have a rock star mansion but he doesn't have one. Dave said he actually does because he started that Lolapalooza concert series.
Howard said he read about Dave and what he's apparently worth. Howard said he read it was $37 million. Dave said it's nowhere even in the realm of possibility. He said he doesn't have to work but it's not that kind of money.
Howard asked Dave if it's hard to be in a band and not be the front man. Dave said he has done that and he didn't like it. He said he likes having a guy who is the front man so he can just get lost in his instrument.
Dave was talking about how Jimi Hendrix and Roger Waters are his idols. Howard said he thinks that Roger Waters is going to be coming by tomorrow. Robin said she'll have to come to work then.
Howard asked Dave if he ever goes out to concerts. Dave said he does once in a while but not that much. He said that he's always in that environment so it's tough.
Howard asked Dave if he's still fucking the porn stars. Dave said that he gets a lot of crap about his sex life and he's always busy and traveling so he gets to see a lot of women. He said that if he runs across a hot porn star then how can he turn it down? Dave said that he's actually had more of a hard time with real relationships than he has with porn stars. Howard figured he was talking about Carmen Electra. Dave said she's actually very easy going so that's not true. He said that she's great.
Howard said a lot of people say he's a womanizer but Dave doesn't understand that. Dave said he's really not. Dave said that they make him out to be a bad guy and he's really not.
Dave mentioned that he's not feeling the baby thing. Howard asked if he thinks he'd be a shitty father. Dave said he doesn't think so but he likes to have his own time and his alone space in his apartment. Howard said that he can make the argument that he'd be the best father in America because he knows he's selfish and he won't have the time to give to a kid. Dave said he's not saying he won't have a kid. He said he's down with giving it a try. Howard said he's making a lot of sense.
Howard said he bets he agrees with him about the soldiers that peed on the dead taliban. Dave wasn't sure what to say. Howard said he talked about this earlier. Dave didn't hear that part of the show. Dave said a still picture on the internet is appalling and disgusting but he has no fucking idea what's really going on over there. Howard said he can tell him. He said that he saw a movie about it. He said these are 19 year old kids who are defending our country. Howard said this is all born out of the World Trade Center being blown up. These guys are seeing their buddies being blown up over there. Howard said you're fighting a guy who is shooting at you and you end up living through it. He said you're crazed and scared out of your mind. They piss on the enemy and that's just war. Howard said in Vietname we cut off their ears. He said you killed a guy and then urinated on them. That's war. Robin said she still thinks we need to strive to be better.
Howard asked Dave if he'd piss on the guy who killed his mother. Dave said he probably would. Howard said then he knows how they feel. Dave said he did think that it was kind of fucked up when he saw the photo. Then he started to think about it and he has no concept of what they're doing over there so he can't really know what they're doing and why they do it.
Robin said that they are representing our country and this wasn't a public kind of photo. It was leaked. Howard said word gets out. He said that they have to get jacked up and this is war. He said it's ugly but god bless these guys. Howard said they don't deserve to go to jail over this. Howard said if he was over there he'd let a bull fuck their corpses.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked Robin how she'd feel if she had to go through what these families went through. She said that Robin has no idea what they're going through over there. Robin said she does know and she still says we have to be better than the mongrels we're fighting. Howard told Robin not to call them mongrels. Mariann said that every time we get better we get knocked down. Howard had to hang up on her because she was giving him a headache.
Dave asked Howard about doing America's Got Talent. Howard said that he remembers watching Dave on Rock Star Supernova. Howard said that he had to sit and criticize rock stars. Dave said it was awful. He said it's really hard to do that. Dave said that he'd like to know if Howard is ready for this. He said his life is going to change. Howard asked how. Dave said there were good and bad things. Howard asked if he had people telling him he sold out. Dave said he did have some of that. He knows that Howard will get some of that too. Dave said that Howard has built this whole thing up and now he's going to share it with the housewives across America. Howard said NBC sent him a tape and the housewives hate him.
Howard said he looked at this whole thing and he figured he's a fan of this show. He said that his agent told him they wanted him to be a judge and he said he was intrigued. He said his agent didn't think he was serious. Howard said that he didn't think about the way the fans would react. He said he likes the show and he wanted to give it a try. He said that he doesn't feel like he's selling out. Howard said he's always done what his gut told him and that's what he did with this.
Robin asked if Dave has seen Steven Tyler on American Idol. Dave said he hasn't seen an episode. Dave said that his talent is tried and true like Howard's. Dave said he's not sure what to think. Dave said Howard is going to have people coming up to him and screaming at him at the airport about letting some guy with spoons go home. Howard said he did think about what he got himself into and he is nervous. Dave said it's going to be awful. Howard said he committed to the thing for one season. He said he'll do it and try to have a good attitude. Howard said he's going to give it a try for a season. Howard said he thinks it's funny that he's going to be on Network TV. Dave said he's not saying the show will be bad. He said that it's all of the stuff that goes along with it that he has to deal with. Howard said he's probably right but he's not sure what will happen.
Howard said he's going into it with a good attitude. Dave said that there are people who love you no matter what. There are some who hate you no matter what. Dave said the people who used to love him will now hate him and he'll have to deal with them too. Howard said he's right about that too. Howard said he's now 58 years old and it's over for him. He said now is the time to do whatever he wants and he knows he'll get shit.
Howard asked if they dressed Dave on that show he did. Dave said they had wardrobe but he picked it out. Howard said he's going to get some clothes for the show and his game plan is to get some suits. Howard said he has gained like 10 pounds so he has to put on a suit that covers him up. He said he'll put on a suit, shirt and some jewelry. He said that Dave is a little girly but women like that. Howard said he's going to go in and not put extra energy into shopping. He said he's not that kind of guy.
Howard said they're going to fly him in on a private jet which isn't bad at all. He said they'll put him up in a nice hotel and he likes that too. He said they'll fly him back on the private jet. Dave said that he's never seen the show but he's going to watch now that Howard is on it. Howard told Dave what the show is like and Dave seemed to like what he was saying.
Howard asked Dave when he started out. Dave said he stared around 17 or 18. Howard said he must have put in his 10,000 hours and worked his way up. Howard said people these days think you can get fame overnight. Dave said people think that fame is going to solve everything for them and it doesn't.
Howard asked Dave what it was like being married to Carmen Electra. He said he imagines that it's great. Dave didn't get to answer. Howard said Carmen is spectacular. Dave said that's so far from his thinking. He said that was so long ago. Howard said she must not have been that great sexually. Dave said some are like that and they feel they don't have to do any work. Howard said it sounds like he's implying that she was like that. Dave said he's not.
Howard said it sounds like maybe a 7 is better in bed. Dave said a 7 can be a nighttime 9 or a daytime 5. Dave said the darkest it gets the better they can become.
Dave said that he heard that Nick Cannon guy and he couldn't be any further from another man. He said that he would have taken Kim Kardashian over Mariah Carey any day. Howard said she may need more than Mariah Carey. Howard said he thinks that Dave could get Kim. Dave said he's not interested. Howard said he has to get a hold of Nick and get him on the show to talk to him about that whole thing. Dave said the ideal situation would be to bang Kim to a Mariah Carey album.
Howard said he's afraid to get tattoos these days. Dave is doing a show about tattoos now. Dave said he just got another one on Friday the 13th. He said that he did one on his head behind his ear. He said he went to this shop called True Tattoo in Hollywood and they do tattoos of ''13'' for 24 hours straight. That's why he got the 13 tattooed on his head.
Howard said he has a close friend, believe it or not, who laughs at people who get tattoos. He said that he thinks they're all pussies and they need their art on their bodies. Howard asked if it's mental illness covering your body with pictures. Dave said with him it probably is. Howard said that Dave has a disturbing history on his arms. Dave said he likes the art form. He said that he's been doing it for 26 years now. He said they told him that it was a phase he was going through but he found it wasn't. He said that everything they told him was a phase has never worn off.
Howard asked Dave if he had anything related to Carmen Electra on him. Dave said he did. He had a CE on his chest and he ended up covering it up. He said it was done badly and it was a prime location on his body so he had it covered up with a sacred heart.
Howard said he and Beth are thinking about getting their dog's name tattooed on their arms. Dave said he has done that. He said it's arguably several.
Howard asked Dave who the judges are on this show he's doing. Dave said that it's him and a couple of other tattoo guys. Dave said that he's more of the host than just a judge. Dave said that the artists are very established artists. He said that they're there to win $100,000. Howard said that if these guys fuck up they can kill you. Dave said that it's fun and cool and it's on Spike TV. Dave said that the contest is about the execution and how the artist worked with the person they tattooed.
Howard asked Dave about how many people he has following him on Twitter. Dave said he has like 120,000. Howard said he heard that he has fucked some of the girls through there. Dave said that he can't get into it. He said he can't give updates on that. Howard said that he has to tell him kind of what happened.
Dave said it's not Twitter or Facebook. He said that there are new ways to meet people. He said the beautiful thing is that there is this tiny square you base every decision on. He said you think it's the hottest chick you've ever seen. It turns out to be a Russian roulette kind of thing. Dave said you don't know if those icons are 10 years and 20 pounds ago or not.
Dave said that he doesn't want to put anyone out on blast. He said that he doesn't want to say anything wrong. Dave said he'll just say that the best experience was essentially someone showing up at his house 15 minutes after he asked her over and she was out an hour later. Robin laughed at that. Howard said what's great is that it was so quick. Dave said it only took 4 or 5 tweets. Dave said he has security in his place. He said that he lives in a loft and he has security there. Dave said that he trusts them to screen the girl. Dave said this was a while ago too. He said it wasn't a recent thing.
Dave said that he doesn't tell the security guard that he's never met this person. Dave said that they take ID and driver's license information just in case. He said they can avenge his death for him if they do that.
Howard asked if this was a 10. Dave said she was a daytime 10, noon, in the sun, walking down the street 10. Howard asked if he kissed her or went right to it. Dave said that they had already established what she was there for. Dave said he's not the only guy doing this. Howard said he doesn't find this so terrible. Howard asked if the girl said she was going to fuck his brains out. Dave said she implied that she wanted to be bad. He assumed that meant ''good.'' Dave said that she showed up wearing a little... He stopped and asked Howard why he's making him do this. Howard said ''Why not... what else have we got to talk about?''
Dave said the girl came over in a top with no panties on. He said she was all natural too. He said that it was to the point where she got up and left and he felt used. Dave said that he doesn't even know how old she was. He said she just wanted to leave after. Howard asked if he was a bad experience for her. Dave said he must have been. Howard asked if he has her number. Dave said that he does have it and he would call her again. He said that he must be just as crazy as the girl. He said that the sex was incredible. He said that he took her into the bedroom and he fucked her twice in that hour. He said it's usually just once and he's done. Dave said that it was two times to completion. He said it's not normal for him to do that. Dave said he can think of doing it 5 times with 5 different girls but not twice with one girl.
Howard asked Dave if he can last for like 10 minutes with a girl. Dave said he can. Howard said he doesn't get that because it feels so good. Dave said he has to think of some really fucked up things. Howard asked what's wrong with him then. Dave said he's not sure what the problem is. Robin asked if there's any protection involved. Dave said there is. He said he always does. Howard said he thinks he's lying. Dave said that he's not lying. Howard said the only protection he's using is the security guy there. Dave said maybe the rubbers slow him down. Howard said he uses them and it doesn't slow him down at all. Dave asked if he's using it for protection or to slow down. Howard said he likes his time so he doesn't want any kids.
Dave said that this was a one time thing and he doesn't do this often. Howard asked how much time he had between bangs. Dave said it was like 30 minutes. He said that she left after the second time. Howard asked if anal went down. Dave said he's not a huge fan. Dave said that he asked if she wanted to hang out with him and she just wanted to leave. Dave said that was kind of strange. Howard asked if he's called her since. Dave said they have communicated via text. Howard asked why he won't have her back. Dave said he never said he wouldn't have her back. Dave said that he's never talked about this stuff in a public forum. He said he didn't give this girl's name out. Howard asked if she's a celebrity. Dave said he can't say. He never said she was famous. Howard said he thought it was just some chick. Dave said he never said it was a famous chick. Howard asked who it was. Dave wasn't saying.
Howard asked if it as Avril Levigne. Dave said he really likes her. Howard asked if it was Scarlett Johansson or Cameron Diaz. Dave wasn't saying. Howard asked if she's A-list. Dave said he can't say that. Howard asked if it was Rikki Lake. Dave said he's open about his own business but he won't blow up anyone else. Howard asked if it was Sharon Osbourne. Dave said he can't say.
Howard said that Dave's new show is called Ink Master and it's on Spike TV tonight. He asked Dave if they'd recognize the chick's name if he said it. Dave said he's pretty sure they would. Howard said that Dave is going out on tour with Jane's Addiction in February too. He said you can get tickets and dates at JanesAddiction.com
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he loves Dave's life. He asked if he's direct messaging the chick. Dave said that they did. Howard said that they have to check and see who is following who on there. Gary said they've been checking into it for the past few minutes. Jason has been searching and found some hot anchor women. Howard asked if that's who it was. Dave said that he is honored and impressed that they're searching but he'll just tell him when he gets out of there. Dave said he'll just get out and tell them who it is.
Gary said that the daughter from Breaking Bad is on the list and so is Juliette Lewis. Ralph said that they're like 7s in the dark. Dave said Juliette is hot. He said she transcends hotness.
Howard asked Dave if he's had any bad experiences. Dave said he has had some. He said he can't say that they haven't had a bad experience too. Howard said of course not. He asked what the worst experience was. Dave said he's going back to Myspace days. Dave said there were a couple of times when the person in the picture and the person who arrives is a contrast. Howard asked what he does when that happens. Dave said that's a tough one. He said he won't fuck them. Dave said he can't get aroused if he's not aroused. Howard asked what he says. Dave said they'll just hang out and have a cup of coffee or something. Dave said that there is a trick where you have a friend call at a designated time and get out of there on a lie. Howard wondered how many times that has happened.
Ralph asked if he's been on CraigsList. Dave said that's too confusing for him. Ralph said it's easy to search for keywords.
Howard let Ralph go and gave Dave some more plugs for his new show and the Jane's Addiction tour. Howard thanked Dave for coming in and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Gary was out at CES with Jon Hein and he told him about how Blackberry was kind of sad out there. Howard said they had the corner on the market for their phones. Jon said they just didn't evolve. He said they still have their tablet and they've added the features they were missing the first time. He said they have new phones coming out but it's just like ''Dead man walking.'' He said it was really sad actually. Howard said they need a Steve Jobs type to come in do something fast.
Gary said that Kodak and Polaroid had booths there but they didn't bother stopping there. Howard asked if Blackberry still has the same phones. Jon said they have more features but it's still the basic type of phone.
Jon ran down some more of what they'd be covering today. He talked more about the America's Got Talent thing and how Howard might have a tough time working long hours. Howard said he may end up falling asleep there if they have long days. Howard said he can't wait to hit the buzzer on people.
Howard said he was talking about Mitt Romney last week and how he tied his dog to a cage on his car. He said he was reading more about it and it turns out it was a true story. He said that on The Beverly Hillbillies they treated their dogs better. Howard said they had the dog sit next to the driver and Granny sat on top of the car. He said that she may have shit herself but at least she can get down from the top of the car.
Howard said he had tape of Mitt Romney talking about the dog on top of the car. Howard said this was Chris Wallace from FOX news talking to Mitt about it. Wallace asked what he was thinking doing that. Mitt said the kennel was air tight and the dog was fine up there. He said they loved the dog and he was comfortable in there. Howard said he's a wealthy guy and he should have rented a bus or something if he didn't have room in the car. Howard said that dog didn't want to be away from the family. Howard said that's really bad judgment. Robin said it's kind of unfeeling too. Howard said the dog was on top of the car.
Howard played more of the clip and Romney said the dog enjoyed the ride and he had no idea there was a law against it. Howard said it's kind of crazy. He said that he would think twice about voting for the guy who did something like that.
Jon ran down more of his list of subjects for today's show. He mentioned Fred's new dog, Betty, and they spent a minute talking about that. Jon had a few other things like JD, Dave Navarro and more. Howard said he's dying to know who the blonde was. Howard said maybe he's lying. He said he didn't even tell them during the commercials.
Gary came in and said that when he got out there he asked Dave. Dave told him ''Yeah, that's called show business...'' so he didn't get the answer either.
Robin read about the Golden Globes and how Madonna and Elton John had a problem after the show. Howard said that Elton's boyfriend tweeted out something about Madonna winning and she got upset. Howard said that he thought that her movie soundtrack sounded like shit. Robin said David did start it and Madonna said ''Let the best man win'' and then after she won David said that it shows what the awards shows are really about. Howard said Elton John is a genius and doesn't need another award. He said that you can't even compare Madonna to Elton John. He said Elton doesn't really care. Howard said that Elton's album Mad Man Across the Water is great. Every song is great on that album. Howard had Fred play some songs off of Tumbleweed Connection. He said that every song on that album is good. Fred read the songs titles and Howard had Fred play ''Come Down In Time'' and said that's a great song. Howard said he thinks he made his point. Robin said he did.
Robin read about the football games that went on over the weekend. Howard said he saw what happened to the Giants. He said he was watching and loved the game. He said he's not big into football but he thought the hail Mary pass was amazing. Robin said they did have some incredible passes during the game. Robin said she thinks they can make it all the way and win the Super Bowl. Howard said Ralph called and told him they won because he didn't bet on them. Robin said that Tebow didn't win. Howard asked where Jesus was that day. He did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's having a horrible time now that he's thinking about how he has to go shopping for clothes today. He said he's going out with Ralph. He said he hates it because Ralph is going to be asking about the fabric and things like that. Howard said he has this guy Anthony who tailors suits for him and he already has his measurements. He said he should just use him instead of going to the store with Ralph. Howard said he'll still look like shit even after this. Howard pointed out this fucking face of his that he's stuck with. Howard said he's just going to tell people he had his face blown off in Iraq and that's why he looks the way he does. Howard said he's going to say that on the first show. He said he's going to ask people not to write letters complaining about what he looks like.
Ralph called in and said this thing is going to be really easy. He spoke to Anthony and today is going to be super quick. He said they'll try out some clothes, check out some fabric and that's it. Howard said he went to Nobu with the kids and he had one bite of desert because he's gained weight. Howard said his cock is getting crushed in his pants so he has to be careful. Howard said he's eating half a bagel with some lox on it for lunch. Howard said maybe he can wear a cape and cover up his fat. Ralph said he should design a costume for everyone. He said they can all wear the same thing.
Howard asked Ralph not to Yenta it up with the sales people at the shop. Ralph said he did that last week. Howard said Ralph is fascinated with shirts and stuff. Ralph said he loves clothing stores. Howard said he's worth his weight in gold with him if he can make this happen quickly. Howard said Ralph is so annoying. He did an impression of him talking for a few seconds.
Robin read about a pit bull that saved a family from a house fire yesterday. Robin said there were no working smoke detectors in the house. Robin said the dog ended up waking the family by barking. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read about how Rihanna was photographed in Hawaii possibly smoking a cigar filled with marijuana. Howard said that's a big surprise. Howard said he's outraged and wont' buy her albums anymore. He asked what's next, illegal downloading?
Robin read about a man who died in a movie theater rest room. Robin said it took them 5 days to find the body in a locked rest room. Howard asked what's so shocking about that. Howard said he's hold it in if he was at a movie theater. Robin said they don't think that the workers did enough to search for the guy even after finding his car in the parking lot. Howard said he wouldn't notice either.
Robin read about Black Sabbath's Tony Iommi battling cancer. Robin said he's overwhelmed with support from fans and colleagues. He says this isn't what he wanted for Christmas. Robin said they say he's in the early stages of the disease. Howard said they're all pulling for him.
Robin read about how Van Halen is doing with their new song ''Tattoo.'' Howard said he didn't like it the first time he heard it but now he does. Howard said that it's a good song. He played some of the song and sang along with it too.
Robin read about Steven Tyler talking about American Idol. Howard said that he showed Oprah his feet. Howard said Steven has fucked up feet like George Takei does. Robin read about what Steven was saying about working on American Idol which returns this Wednesday night on FOX. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin said that Jay-Z is cleaning up his lyrics now that he has a child. He's no longer going to use the word ''bitch'' in his songs. Howard said that's too bad. Robin said that he says that no one will degrade his daughter. Howard said that maybe he can sing ''99 problems but a young lady ain't one.''
Robin read about how OJ Simpson's Miami home is being foreclosed on. Howard said that it shows there is justice. Howard said that he ended up in jail on other things but there is some justice there. Robin said they estimate the home at being worth $478,000.
Howard said he saw that George Clooney's ex-girlfriend is now dating Steve-O. Robin said that seems like an odd way to go. She said Steve is attractive but that is an odd way to go.
Robin read about how the Greek government is trying to cut back and they're cutting jobs. Robin said that they say that Europe's economy is in bad shape too. Howard said he thinks that they have a lazy ethic over there from what he's read. Howard said if you want the lifestyle you have to work for it.
Robin read about Cracker Barrel and said she has no idea what they are. She said she sees the signs but she's never been to one. Robin said the co-founder of the company is dead. Howard figured Fred had been to them but Fred said he's never been to one. Howard said that's where George Clooney's ex-girlfriend gets taken on a date. Robin said the guy died at the age of 76 and they have over 600 stores around the country.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to say he enjoys the show. He said he can't get Howard TV in Utah though. He said that it's only on digital cable and the company said they don't carry anything to do with Howard Stern there. Howard said he'd advise him to move then. The caller said he'd like to see it on Dish network. Howard said he thinks that the company that owns it likes the exclusivity. Doug Goodstein said the doors are opening and there are talks going on. That's all he would say though. Howard told the caller not to move yet.
Robin read about the cruise ship that sunk over the weekend. Robin said that the captain has been arrested. Robin said they say that they have a transcript and they say that he did abandon ship. Howard said that all chivalry is dead if you see what was going on with the people on that ship. Guys were pushing their way to the front. Robin said that the captain abandoned the ship and they say that the Coast Guard asked how many had died and he's the one who is supposed to be telling them. Robin said at least 6 are dead and 30 are missing. Howard said he thinks that means they're dead. Robin said they may be but they don't know where they are. Howard said he's never on a boat. He said we're not meant to be on the ocean. He said he hates the wind on his face. He ends up staying below deck when he has gone on boats. Howard said he doesn't understand boats and being locked on a ship with people who eat until they explode. He said he can't think of a worse vacation. Robin said she's heard that they're great vacations.
Robin read about the denial of a kidney transplant for a mentally challenged girl. Robin said that the family is meeting with doctors again this week. Robin said that the doctors decided that they girl shouldn't get the kidney. Howard had Fred playing Wendy the Retard clips while he asked questions about a kidney transplant. Howard said you can't make a distinction. He said that if they based it on intelligence you don't know what the cut off is. He agrees that everyone should get a kidney. Howard said he gets what the doctor is talking about but that doesn't make it right. He said everyone deserves your life. He said he's all for abortion though. Once you're here then you deserve a kidney no matter what your intelligence is.
Robin read about a guy who wants to make abortion illegal by making human embryos considered a person. Howard said we have to stop this. He said abortion is legal and they have to stop it already. We have too many people in this world already.
Robin had a clip of a woman talking about the cruise ship sinking and what was going on with the ship when it was going down. Robin had a few other details about that story.
Robin read about Mitt Romney still leading in the polls for the South Carolina primary. Robin had details for the other candidates and where they stand in the polls. Howard said he's sure that Mitt Romney is going to be the guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks he's absolutely right about the troops. He apologized for calling in so late. Howard said he had made a mistake picking up the phone anyway.
Robin read about the Occupy movement and what's going on with that in Baltimore. Robin said that the cops moved in with riot gear yesterday. Robin had some audio for Howard to play about that.
Robin read some news about the heavy snow out in Utah and had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin had some box office news. She read about Mark Wahlberg's movie ''Contraband'' being number one. Howard said he has no beef with Mark. Gary said that Mark may call in tomorrow. Robin said they need to straighten things out and she can stop talking about that.
Robin read about the new Tom Hanks movie and Howard said he can't bring himself to watch that. He said anything to do with 9/11 he can't deal with. Robin had some audio of Tom talking about the movie.
Robin had some audio of the director of ''The Grey'' talking about what that movie is all about. Howard said that's the kind of movie they should send to him. Robin wrapped up and they ended the show around 10:20am.
Jon said that Robin had asked for everyone's help on the show to make sure she doesn't emasculate anyone. Jon said that Robin didn't really emasculate anyone today but he's wondering if it's a struggle for her. Gary said he thinks it must be a struggle.
Jon asked Benjy if he was surprised. Benjy said that he's curious what it means to Robin and if she's okay with critiquing things. Gary said if she stops judging people then they're going to be in trouble.
Gary said Robin called him 15 years ago to let him know she loves him. He said that's the kind of thing they do in AA and it must be part of the plan.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Robin needs a lot of therapy and work done on this whole thing. He said that Robin had to let everyone know she's doing it when she does it and it seems like it's more about her than the people she's doing it to. Gary said she's new at it so she's got some work to do.
Benjy asked what the definition of emasculating is. Gary said he's not exactly sure what Robin's definition is. Jon said he's not sure what Robin thinks either. Benjy said he thinks that Robin means taking away from their manhood but he's not sure if it goes toward women too. Jon said it didn't sound like it. Benjy said there may be some confusion with Chaz Bono then. They had to go to break a short time later.
After the break, around 10:35am, Jon said that JD was joining them. He heard that there was a Robin update too. Jason was in and said that Robin stopped him in the hall and apologized to him for anything she may have done to emasculate him. He said that Sal got the same rap from her. Then Sal said that he was probably wrong too but Robin said it was all her. Gary said that he expects a big apology from her.
Jon asked Jason if it felt sincere to him. Jason said it seems like she's being sincere and she seems to want to make good with people. Gary said that when Robin said she was going to change her ways like 15 years ago he was happy but skeptical. He said that she really did change though.
Jason said that Robin doesn't owe him an apology as far as he's concerned. Steve Brandano said that he heard Sal talking to Robin and he was telling her that he didn't feel emasculated at all. He said he has to go back to see if it's still going on. Gary said Sal is soaking it all up as much as he can. Jon said they have to get both of them down there.
Jason said they were talking about this the other day and JD wanted to erase that first revelation moment from the show completely. Then it came up today.
JD said his parents read and listen to everything that goes on there so he doesn't need it out there. He said that he is single and he will probably want to get into a relationship some day and this stuff won't go away.
Jon asked when he had the cheesy name and when he got the other name. JD said it all started in high school. He said he got both in high school. Benjy asked if he used that name with friends or with strangers. JD said he doesn't know.
Jason said that he still has his original email that he got in high school. He said he still uses it and it was a funny joke at the time.
Gary asked JD why he doesn't just get a chick instead of paying girls online. JD said that it's a shady type of thing and he doesn't want to get busted by the cops at a massage parlor or something. Jon said that JD is able to keep his anonymity until this stuff comes out on the show. Jon asked JD why he jerks off into shirts. JD said he doesn't really know.
Gary said that Stuttering John used to use dirty socks. Jason said he's heard that but he's never used one like that. Benjy said he'd rather use a shirt than a tissue or something. He said they kind of dry up on you. Gary said that a gross, dried up shirt laying around your house is gross. JD said he throws them out, he doesn't leave them laying around.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's calling bullshit on the t-shirt thing. JD said he uses paper towels too. JD asked him to leave him alone about what he cums into. The caller said he should be looking to get into a relationship at this age. JD told him it's none of his business.
Gary said that JD has never really been in a ''real'' relationship. JD said he tries to keep stuff private and he has been in relationships. He said he brought a girl over to Steve Brandano's. He said he's had casual contact but not really a girlfriend. Gary asked if he's had one in the past 10 years. JD said he's not sure he's ever had one at all. He said he's not looking for that. JD said he's not sure he'd be good in a relationship right now. JD said ''I don't know... whatever...'' a bunch of times.
Jason said that they ran his revelation before JD's and no one cares about that. He said only JD got noticed. Jason said that he talked about being addicted to masturbation. He said there's so much free porn out there and he loved TubeGalore. They had to go to another break after that discussion.
Jon asked Sal if the guys accepting her apology are being sincere. Sal said he thinks that Gary is on cloud 9 with the whole thing. Jason said he was joking around with Gary about it and Gary was defending it and not making a joke out of it.
Gary said that Robin is always trying stuff and she has a point and it's a positive thing that she's doing. Gary said he has more of a problem with Ayahuasca than he does with this. He said he doesn't see what that does for you.
Sal said he thinks that Robin is sincere but she doesn't need to apologize to anyone. He said they all know she's a good person. Sal said she shouldn't apologize for what she's said on the air about them. Sal said they've said shitty things about her on the air and Robin sat back and took it. Sal said that Robin is entertaining and so is Howard when he's emasculating people.
Jon said that Robin was there so he wondered how she defines emasculating. Robin said that she learned what it was and she learned that it was her job and that's what she does. She said it's anything that makes a man feel diminished. She said that you can't do the same to a woman.
Jon asked Robin if she had to hold back talking about JD this morning. Robin said she was looking for different ways to comment. She said he was already uncomfortable so she didn't want to make things worse. Jason said ''Aww, what's wrong with that?''
Robin said she felt she didn't have to jump on and make things worse. She said that she doesn't need to pile on. Jon asked Gary if he thinks that it's going to change the dynamic there. Gary said there are like 17 other people who can take over from where Robin left off.
Benjy asked if Robin can critique and not emasculate. Robin said Dave Navarro felt pretty critiqued. Gary asked Robin about some other things she does and asked what she thinks about that. Robin said she's questioning herself about a lot of this and she thinks that she can do some of this stuff off the air and not do it on the air.
Sal asked Robin if she's doing a character or is she realizing that this isn't a character and it's really her. Robin said that she has to become Robin and do the show even when she's not feeling up to it. Sal asked if she could just be her character and emasculate people. Robin said she doesn't want to be that person. She's trying to be a better person.
Gary said he thinks that they should get a bus and get all of their wives to go see this woman that Robin saw.
Robin said that she and Gary had a very awkward relationship years ago but after that thing where she called and said she loves him, things changed. Robin said Gary was the first one she thought of when she heard that she should be having fun with the people she works with. She said she didn't think Gary had fun with her.
Robin said that she really needs them to help her by telling her when she's emasculating them. Jason said ''Done.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this is emasculating in itself. He said she should keep it to herself and just keep emasculating them because that's what they love about her. Robin said that's what she's been told. She said that they emasculate themselves enough.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Robin thinks that she can control what they feel about what she says. He and Robin went back and forth talking about that for a couple of minutes.
Benjy asked Robin if she's going to stop making fun of Eric the Midget. Robin said she calls Eric either ''Eric the actor'' or just Eric so she doesn't think she needs to.
Robin said that Howard was talking about how he wouldn't save anyone on the boat and she started to go along with it. That's what she has to watch when she's talking to people.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Robin is going to end up having this come back on her and she can't be like a silver back and come back at them. Gary said he thinks that he's saying that she may lapse if she gets shit from someone. Robin said that's why she wants someone to point it out when she lapses.
Robin said one thing that emasculates men is interrupting. She said she's the queen of doing that. She said that's one of the things she's working on. Jon said this is a huge self realization for her. He asked if she thinks she can stick to it. Robin said it's been a very interesting day. She said she's trying her best today.
Jon asked if they're thinking she's skeptical around there today. Robin said not at all. Robin said she has friends who did seminars with this woman and they came back saying they never understood their point of view about men. They said they've been looking at men the wrong way.
Robin asked JD what he thought about this. JD said she's doing whatever she wants... whatever. He said that he wishes her luck. Robin said she's sorry to JD for anything she's done to him.
Jon asked Sal what he thinks. Sal said he thinks it'll phase out like her diets and racing cars and riding horses. He said that she's being nice to them now and it's the craziest thing that's ever happened. Sal said he thinks that it's great and she's heading in the right direction but she's a great person and it's all a part of the game. They had to wrap up and end the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard started the show talking about how he almost didn't come in today. He said he had a fever and he had to go to bed early last night. He said he met Ralph at John Varvatos yesterday to get some outfits for his America's Got Talent debut. Howard said he has to wear something nice. He said he got dizzy while he was there and he was about an hour into it. Howard said the tailor, Felix, was nice. He said that he told Ralph he felt like he was going to vomit and pass out so he had to sit down. Then he said he must be sick. He went home and didn't feel good all day. He said he went to bed at 7 and was sweating like a disgusting pig. He said he figured he'd come in and work and then go home and get back to bed. He said he got plenty of sleep last night.
Howard said he ate some of his egg sandwich this morning but had to throw it out. He said he's already lost a pound so that's one good thing. Howard asked Will to get him a lentil soup and no fish. Robin said that he needs something brothy. Howard asked what she meant. Robin said she thinks the chicken soup broth would help. Howard said he doesn't eat chicken. He asked for a lentil brothy soup or something. Maybe with rice. Howard asked Will if he could do that. Will came in and took his order. Will said he will do his best but it might be canned. Howard asked why his lunch is so difficult. Will said it's early in the morning.
Will said they do have a lentil soup that's kind of brothy. Howard asked him to get him that and the rice. Howard said it's going to be a long morning.
Howard said he's been feeling kind of shitty the past week or so. He always gets hit in the winter. He asked why they live there in New York. Robin said she's willing to move if he has to.
Howard said he warned the guy he had no idea what he was in for with Eric. He said John said they could handle it. Howard said that they though it would be an easy thing.
Gary came in and said that John asked if Eric said that they had moved the dates. Gary said that he did so John sent this note. John wrote that it was going to be the 23rd and 24th all along and Eric is the one who said that they had changed the dates. They didn't. John said that it was annoying but fun at the same time. Howard said the guy is going nuts from Eric.
Howard said Eric is going to be acting even though he's causing these problems. Howard said he loves it. He was going to let Eric go but Eric asked him if he was going to be in San Francisco and if he wanted to meet for dinner. Howard said he will be in San Francisco but he's not sure he can meet him. He said they have him working from 11 to 11 so he's not sure he can get out to eat. He's only going to be there two days. Howard said he works and then leaves.
Eric asked Howard when it's going to be. He said he saw that Howie Mandel is going to be at a casino on the 19th of February. Howard said he has the dates in his calendar. Robin said she needs to know the dates. Howard said he'll get them.
Howard said he doesn't think he can do dinner with Eric. He said he can't even do it with Beth. He said they thought that they were going to have fun traveling. He said he's thinking it's a big mistake already though. Howard said that you really need to have stamina for this show.
Howard looked up his dates and said that the L.A. tapings are on the 16th and 17th and the San Fran stuff is on the 24th and 25th. Howard asked Robin what she's doing. Robin said she didn't realize it was going to be on those days.
Howard said that he talked to those guys last night and they have other auditions for pre-screening people. He said that they can do it via video through AGTAuditions.com.
Eric asked if he can sit in and watch. Howard said he's fine with that. He had Gary check with them to see if they can get him in. Howard said if they can get Eric a ticket or two then they'll do that. Howard had Gary look into it. Gary said he'll do it. Eric said he just wants to say hi.
Eric said he may not be able to call back until he's back from his shoot with In Plain Sight. Howard said he has a feeling it'll be disastrous. He said if he can call from the set then he can do that. Eric said he needs to get as much rest as he can.
Eric said he was tweeting back and forth with Mary McCormack. Howard said he had Mary McCormack write to him saying that she couldn't believe that he was going to be on her show. Howard said he told her how insane the producer was going. Eric said that she calls him by the correct nickname. She calls him Eric the Actor. Howard said she has an image so she has to be careful. Howard said that she may think of him as Eric the Midget but calls him Eric the Actor. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard said he may get to hang out with Eric out in San Francisco. Howard said he'd like to watch Eric eat. He doesn't have any free time though. Howard said he's having agida about how much time this is taking already. He said he has to take some meetings out there and Beth will be coming along. He said he's trying to make it as fun as possible. He really doesn't have any fun though.
Howard said he knows he's going to be sick and bothered when he's doing this show. He said he's neurotic and he's at the psychiatrist's office 3 days a week. He said he needs more. Howard said that he's only going to miss about 10 sessions over the course of the year. Robin said she may be out in Los Angeles with Howard too. Howard said that's great and she should come watch.
Howard said he'd like Robin to discuss the judging with him. Howard said she's in. Howard said he doesn't want to be annoyed out there. Robin said she won't be a problem. Howard said his agent is coming out there too.
Howard said his mom has lectured him about Robin too. He did his impression of his mom talking about her. Howard made up a whole conversation between him and his mom. Howard said that if he tells her he's feeling like he's going to get sick she'll tell him he will. She says that people think they can do more than they can. Howard had her talking about how she's in bed by 9 and this is going to break up his routine.
Robin asked if Howard could set up another routine. Howard asked his mom if he could do that. He had her saying that he can't stay up with nonsense because it's too much on his system. Howard said according to Nick Cannon they only get one tea break during the shoot.
Howard said his mother is into sleep and rest and it can't be a fun life. He said she's like 85 years old and she's more spry than her contemporaries. He said that she's not as much fun as they were though. He said she tells him that she sees people half her age who look horrible. Howard said she tells him they move horribly and have pains and aches and they don't have that themselves. Howard was doing his impression of his mom as he explained this.
Howard said his mom can talk about sleep and rest and it's like she's dead already. He said he did try going to bed early last night to rest but it didn't help.
Howard, as his mom, was talking to Robin about her constant travel too. Robin said she sleeps on the plane. Howard said that's not a good sleep. He said she has theories on qualities of sleep and things like that. Howard said he can't stay awake. Robin said she gets 4-5 hours of sleep and they tell her it's not good for the human body. Robin said she went to bed at 8:30 last night. Howard said that's too late.
Howard said the reports are really bad. He said that they called him a ''gross person'' in one report. He played that one and told that chick to ''fuck off... bitch.'' Howard said if she met him she'd be sucking him off in 15 minutes... or maybe never. Howard said that they end up meeting him and they wilt in front of him.
Howard said you don't need to comment on someone the way that woman did. She was just reading birthdays in her news report. Howard played another clip where they talked about him getting hot chicks since he has money. Howard said they act like he never got chicks when he had no money. Howard said he did get chicks when he was young. Howard said he had a few notches on his belt. Robin said that every last one of these women would be falling at his feet.
Howard said he went to Rob Zombie's surprise birthday party. They share the same birthday. He said he went over to say hello and it had been two years since he saw him. Howard said they used to get together a lot. He said they do write and talk on the phone once in a while. He said that Rob walked in and didn't act surprised. He said Rob said he was surprised but he didn't act like it. Howard said he's too cool to be shocked.
Howard said he got Rob a great gift and didn't get a thank-you note. He got him some stationary that has a skull on it with a nice box to keep it in. Howard said he got his initials engraved into the cards too. He said he didn't get a thank you note. Robin said it's only been a couple of days. Howard said he should have written him immediately. Howard said it was a really good gift and he thinks it was a winner.
Howard said they had to go to break. Robin asked if he had more of the birthday mentions. Howard said they were all pretty bad. He said Wendy Williams gave him a nice one though.
Howard said he's not sure what to do with his face. He said his whole body is so weird and awkward. He said he thinks he got ill from being disgusted with himself. He said you can't make him look good. He said he was working with the tailor and the suits are going to look odd on him because his neck is so weird. Howard said Ralph looks great in the suits. Howard said he's too tall and gangly. He said it's really not fair that he's like that. Howard said tall is fine but the rest of it is just bad. Howard said he can look good at certain angles though. He said he may have to sit down and talk to the guys at America's Got Talent. Robin said he'll be devastated if he doesn't. Howard said he has to be shot from his right side. That's what they do on Howard TV. Howard said he really has to take a commercial break and get to the contest. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was some of Pink Floyd's ''The Wall.'' He did a talk up as if he were on an old radio station. Howard had Ronnie come in since he's going to be a judge today. Howard said that Scott DePace is a big Pink Floyd fan so he's looking forward to seeing Roger Waters today. Howard said he thinks he just plays bass.
Howard said they have a $10,000 prize today. He said that the visual should be good today. Howard mentioned Sheets as being the sponsor.
Howard introduced the first couple, Jimmy and Erica. Howard said Jimmy is 45 and Erica is 26. Howard asked what the age spread is. They said it's 19 and a half years. Howard said he hears a voice or something. Howard asked if it was Gange's headphones. Howard said it must be someone in the control room. Howard moved on and asked Jimmy if he has any kids or ex-wives. He has an ex and a 12 year old kid. Howard asked them why they don't have a kid yet. Jimmy said he had an accident and his vas deferens was injured. He said it was on a motorcycle. Howard said he should start riding a motorcycle too. Jimmy said they tried to fix it but it was unsuccessful.
Howard asked Erica if her family thought she was nuts marrying someone that much older. She said that they did. She said her mom married a guy who was 40 years older than her though. Howard asked how it is banging an older guy. Erica said she has always dated older guys but Jimmy was the oldest.
Howard asked how much they bang. Erica said they do it 4-5 times a week and they've been married 4 years. She said she was 19 when she started dating him. Howard asked if he got a lot of shit form his ex-wife. Jimmy said he was doing a sales call and saw Erica working. He said she saw her nice ass and he was going through is divorce at the time. He said she needed a job and she applied where he was working. She set him up with her mom on a date. He went out with her on two dates. Howard said that's weird. Howard asked if he banged her mom. Jimmy said he didn't. Howard said he must have. Jimmy said they went out and had dinner. Robin said he must have banged her mom. Howard said he had to have made out with her. Jimmy said he didn't make out with her. He kissed her on the cheek.
Howard asked Jimmy how he asked Erica out. Jimmy said they worked together and love blossomed. Erica said Jimmy still has energy and he sometimes has more than she does. Howard said 4-5 times a week is pretty good. Howard said he'd like it that much. He said he should be more aggressive maybe. Jimmy said he discovered that if he doesn't instigate for a day or so then it's even better for her. He said the more space between orgasms is better for her. Howard didn't understand. Robin had to explain it to him.
Howard said Erica is hot. He said he doesn't appear to be super wealthy. Jimmy said he's not. Howard asked what he does. Jimmy said he does pharmaceutical sales. He can make 100 grand a year or so. Howard said that he must have a nice house. Jimmy said it is nice.
Howard asked if Erica is into anal. She said that she's not into that. Howard asked if she walks around the house naked. She said that she does but Jimmy doesn't like it. Jimmy said that's like dangling the carrot that he can't have all the time. Robin asked if Erica has friends who are her age. She said she has a couple.
Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks. Ronnie said she's smokin' hot. He said she could be hot chick of the week. Howard checked out her ass and said she had a big ass and big boobs. She says they're natural too. Howard told the guys to take a good look so they can judge.
Howard said that they have the second couple coming in. He said this chick looks really young. Their names are Jim and Aricelli. Jim is 54 years old. She's 37. Howard said that she looks really good. Howard asked Jim what he does for a living. He works in the casino business. He's not wealthy either. He said he can do 100 grand a year. Howard said that he doesn't even look like he can bang. Jim said he lays on his back a lot but he can do it. He said he can do it 3-4 times a day but 3-4 times a week. Howard said he looks like Rodney Dangerfield. They've been together for 8 years total.
Howard asked Aricelli where she's from. She said her parents are Cuban. Howard said she must be very aggressive. Jim said she's very aggressive. He said she came after him too. Howard asked how they met. Jim said she came after him and he was working in Mississippi at the time. Howard asked if she has a penis or something. Jim said she does not. The age difference is 17 years but Howard said it looks drastically more.
Howard asked what it was that turned her on. Aricelli said that he's charming and he can cook. Ronnie asked how they met. Jim said that she worked for him. Howard said that's a good way to meet someone. Howard asked if he can keep up with her. Aricelli said that she's doing what she can to keep him in good shape. She said that she has him on a good diet. They have a couple of kids together too. Howard said that she's hot and Jim is a physical mess. Howard said that's what's great about it. Howard asked if men hit on her all the time. Jim said that it can be an advantage. He said they get free stuff sometimes.
Howard asked Aricelli if she was married. She said she had a husband but he died. Jim actually knew him too. Howard asked if Jim had him knocked off. Jim said he did not. Howard said Jim should lose that belly for this lovely woman. Howard said that Jim really looks like an old fart.
Howard had the third couple come in. Howard asked what the age spread is. The woman said that it's 43 years. The guy, Gary, said that he's 69 years old and Danielle is 26. Howard said everyone else should just go home now. Howard asked if he's a wealthy man. Gary said he is not. He was in the air force for 32 years and then worked for the state in Oregon. Howard asked if he was in Vietnam. Howard said this is closer to Ronnie's situation. Ronnie said his age difference is 30.
Howard said that Gary must have been married before. Gary said he was married for 22 years and she ended up dying. Gary said that he met Danielle and struck up a friendship. Gary said it was all innocent at first. Danielle said that he waited about a year before he asked her out. Howard asked how old she was. She said she was 19 and he was like 61. Howard asked if he was a ladies man in his life. Gary said he really wasn't.
Howard said it must be great to put his 61 year old penis in a 19 year old. Danielle said he was a gentleman about it. Howard said that his fantasies must have been coming true. Gary said it was all very innocent. Howard said that he could have been all shy and never asked her out. Howard asked Gange if he's hearing all of this. Gange said he is listening.
Danielle said that the guys she's dated have been older. She said that the last guy she dated was in his 60s too. She said that she remembers being a kid and wanting and older man. Danielle said her parents weren't surprised. Howard asked if she was a stripper at all. She said she was a stripper for a few years but she went to work at a golf club. She works in a hospital now.
Howard asked Gary if it's all working for him. He said it does but he takes Viagra once in a while. Howard said he thinks he could get it up for her at that age. Howard asked how often they do it. She said it's 2 or 3 times a week.
Howard said Danielle is in great shape. He asked Gary if he can handle it. Danielle said he had open heart surgery a couple of years ago so they're good to go for a couple of years. Howard asked what the negatives are with this. Danielle said that there are things she wonders about younger guys and if she's missing out on anything. She said she feels blessed though. Howard asked if their conversations are okay. Danielle said that they're fine.
Robin said she thinks that the younger women charge down the street and leave them behind. Danielle said she does have to yell at him to hurry up at the grocery store.
Howard asked Gary what his favorite TV shows were when he grew up. Gary said he liked Lucky Strike Hour and the cowboy things. Ronnie asked if he watched Fury on Saturday mornings. Gary didn't remember that one.
Howard said that you can see these couples on Twitter @SternShow.
Howard asked Danielle if she gives hand jobs and things. She said that she does that and gives road head too. Howard said it's no wonder Gary is smiling. Howard said Danielle is spectacular. Howard said he gives all guys hope. Howard said he's 69 and got the hot chick. Gary said he's very lucky.
Howard asked about the road head and if she gives anal too. Danielle said she doesn't do that. Danielle said Gary makes sure she cums before he does. Danielle said that he's very good when he has the Viagra. Howard said if he's on heart medication then he shouldn't take Viagra. Danielle said they got it prescribed. She said that he comes back at 8 in the morning after doing it the night before. Howard said he could talk to them all day. Danielle said they were there for him.
Howard asked Danielle if she'd advise younger women to date older men like that. She said that it's not for everyone.
Howard said he has to talk to the judges about this. Howard said there is a $10,000 prize they have to give away. He said that they all sound like they're having fun. Howard said he was looking over all of the couples. He said Jimmy and Erica didn't look like a big mismatch. Howard said there's a 19 year spread and Jimmy is in pretty good shape. Howard said they look plausible. Howard said Jim and Aricelli are a mismatch. He said that they're quite the couple with a 16 year spread. Howard said it looks like 100 year spread. He said all of the women look good. He said it's hard to believe they're with these old fuckers.
Howard said the third couple is the most mind blowing. Howard said that Danielle was 19 and Gary was 61 at the time. Ronnie said Gary looks better than the guy in the middle.
Howard said they have a $500 prize for the second and third place winners. Howard said that he's going to ask Ronnie who deserves it. Ronnie went over the couples and said the first couple looks like they belong together. He said you don't think she's with her grandfather. Ronnie said the guy in the middle is a disaster. He said he's going to give his vote to Jim and Aricelli.
Howard asked Robin who she's going with. Robin said she's giving her vote to the third couple, Gary and Danielle. Howard went to Fred Norris next. Fred said that if it was the ''hottest chick with the biggest mess'' then he'd pick the second couple. He said he's going to give his vote to Gary and Danielle though.
Howard said that Jimmy and Erica are sitting there with zero votes but that's sort of a compliment. Howard asked Benjy for his vote. Benjy said that number 3 is incredible so he has to give them his vote. Howard said that his vote hardly counts but he's going to say Gary and Danielle too. He said it's so drastic that it's not even a compliment. Howard asked if Gary got her with coke or something. Danielle said it wasn't coke. Howard said he has to say that all of the men are winners. He said they don't have to be rich to get women. Howard said they're all an inspiration.
Howard said that Jim and Aricelli came close but didn't win. He said that they get $500. Howard had someone from Sheets energy strips come in with the check. Howard asked what Danielle and Gary are going to do with the money. They're going to take a honeymoon trip since they didn't get the chance to do that when they married.
Howard spoke to the guy from Sheets for a few seconds before he gave Gary and Danielle their check. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they're playing some Pink Floyd since Roger Waters will be coming in this morning. Howard said he's not sure why he tours since he has such a great life. He said Roger's son tours with him. He said he's had a couple of conversation with Roger at parties. Howard said that he doesn't look like he enjoys anything. Howard said that's very much like he is. Howard said he's never had fun himself. Howard said he hopes he has fun with America's Got Talent but he's not sure.
Howard asked who sings on this song Fred was playing. Fred said that it was Roger on the original. Howard tried singing along with the song for a few seconds. Howard said that the one lyric that bothers him is when he talks about the worms eating into his brain. He said that bothers him for some reason.
Howard said that the guys in Pink Floyd must hate each other. He said that it must suck to be in a band like that and end up hating each other.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news preview. He said he has Mark Wahlberg calling in too. Howard forgot Jon's name for a minute. Jon reminded him. Jon came in and said that they have a story about Benjy and his girlfriend and how they're in couples therapy. Howard asked if that's because she's not attracted to him. Jon said they go twice a week together. He said that David Arquette and Courteney Cox did the same thing and that was Benjy's inspiration. Howard said that didn't work out but Benjy says that they lasted 10 years so maybe that will work for him too.
Robin said she was talking to the Howard TV guys and they say that Benjy and Elisa still aren't having sex. Howard asked if that's true. Benjy said they have full sexual activity. He said that it's not a regular thing though. He said they've ''kind of'' just done it once. Howard said she's not that into it. Benjy said that's not what it is. Howard said she has an intimacy issue with him. Benjy said he thinks that it's because he's reluctant to fully commit. Benjy said she's ready to get married and he's not. Howard said if he fucks her then he'd have to marry her. Benjy said she'd be great to marry but he's not sure if he wants to be monogamous. Robin said that she was marriage material when he couldn't get her. Howard said once you put your penis in someone then it goes to another level. Howard said he might be doing the honorable thing. Benjy said he doesn't want to break up though. Howard said he doesn't understand this but he doesn't want to get into it.
Jon said that Benjy and Elisa have launched a clothing line with their pictures on it. Jon said he asked who would wear that and Elisa said that people want to be inspired by a happy couple. Howard said that doesn't seem like a happy couple to him.
Howard asked Jon what else he has. Jon said that it's always hard to get a straight answer from Benjy. Howard asked why he bothers interviewing them? He said that he's not all that fascinated with their story. Jon said that he thinks people want answers about it being a real relationship and why they're selling things. Howard said Benjy is good at keeping things phony and vague. Benjy said he isn't doing that. Howard said he should have a real conversation instead of trying to be weird.
Robin said she doesn't think this is a real relationship. Benjy said he feels that she's emasculating him.
Jon said that they found that JD has been asked to pinch hit for Ronnie during a Ronnie's Block Party show. Jon said that JD has accepted the offer but Scott the Engineer is peeved that he wasn't asked to fill in. Robin said she didn't understand that story at all. Jon tried to explain it to her. Jon said Ronnie is going to be tied up with Howard and America's Got Talent. Howard said Ronnie can honor his date and just send Joe instead. Jon said that they thought JD would be a good fill in. Howard said it's unbelievable that people are paying to see Ronnie. Jon said that the theory is that people willing to pay Ronnie would be willing to see JD.
Jon said Ronnie had a problem with a Hot Chick of the Week when he posted the wrong person. He missed an underscore in the name so Ronnie had to correct that and put two underscores in the name to see the legal Hot Chick of the Week.
Jon said they've learned that some of the Howard TV guys have been coming uptown to do their TM meetings. Jon said there are some people who are annoyed with that... like Scott DePace. Howard thanked Jon for his update and let him go.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his David Gilmour impression. Howard let him play a little bit of his stuff and talked to him as if he were the real David. Sour did an impression of David and played some songs for him. Howard said he could have chosen better songs to sing. Howard asked him to play something more popular. Sour Shoes broke into his Gary impression and did that for a few seconds. Howard said that's the best Gary impression out there. He said it might be the only one. Howard hung up on Sour and went to break a short time later.
Mark said he thought that they were friends and he heard he was digging into him. Howard said Gary told him that his publicist had told him that he wasn't his cup of tea now that he's gotten religious. Mark said ''Uh oh.'' He said that's really not true. He said he heard from some friends who told him that he was going after him. Howard said he is his cup of tea then. Howard said he's glad to hear that.
Mark said he's not sure where that came from. Howard said he's glad that they straightened that out. Mark said that he has to be careful how he handles some questions but that's it. He said he has kids now.
Howard asked Mark about producing shows like Boardwalk Empire and movies like Boogie Nights. He asked if he would turn down the script for that movie now that he has kids. Mark said that he'd have some explaining to do but it would be hard to turn down. He said that his career and personal life are different things. Howard asked if he would do Boogie Nights or not. Mark said it depends. He said no one knew what it was going to be back then and it's hard to predict what will be good and not good. He said he would say he would probably do it. Howard said it sounds like Mark has grown.
Mark said that things change when you have a daughter. Howard asked if he's getting rid of all of his tattoos. Mark said he is but they're not going fast. Howard said he may start acting responsibly too. He said he should get rid of the tattoos. Howard said Mark has to be worth like $150 million. Mark said he's spent that.
Howard asked where Mark is. Mark was down in New Orleans. Howard asked if there's money in producing a show like Boardwalk Empire. Mark said it depends on the show and he's done very well with shows like Entourage. He said that they had success with In Treatment too. He said that it all depends on the show and syndication shows. Howard said he loved that show ''In Treatment.'' Howard said the show was great and he wondered what happened. Mark said they had a good fan base and things went pretty good. Mark also talked about Entourage and how they think that a film would be good and they're going to work on that.
Howard asked Mark if he turned down a role in Brokeback Mountain. Mark said he wasn't offered a role. He said he did read the script. He said it was one of those things where it was hard to say yes but it could be a game changer. He said he was never offered the role to turn down. He said he never read for it but he did meet with Ang Lee. Howard said that's a tough role to take. He said that it's a big decision to play a gay guy getting anal.
Howard said as soon as you play a gay character then people think you're gay. He said it's got to be a pain in the ass. Howard said it's a big decision for someone to make. Mark said he knows what he's saying. He said that you have to be able to do anything as an actor though. Mark said he'd play a gay role if he got the right part.
Mark said that he respects the guys who did that Brokeback Mountain movie. He said it would be a tough decision to make but he's not sure what he would have done if he was offered the role.
Howard asked Mark if he's still fun to hang out with. Mark said he's just more serious about being a good husband. Howard said he heard that he'll turn down love making scenes. Mark said happy life, happy wife. Robin asked what role would bother his relationship. Howard said that Mark agreed to get naked in Broken City in exchange for a love scene so he wouldn't upset his wife. Howard said sometimes wives just can't deal with certain things. Mark asked Howard how he'd deal with his wife getting it from some guy. Howard said he'd kill himself. Mark said he'd probably kill someone but not himself. Howard said he knows what he's saying. He said that if Mark starts doing these love scenes it could bring him outside his marriage. He's still a man. Mark said he doesn't think that it would take him away from his marriage but it would make things difficult.
Howard said that Mark has the number one movie in the country. It's called ''Contraband.'' Mark said that it's a remake of a movie but it's got a lot of new stuff in it. He said that they have a lot of twists and turns in it. Howard asked if he still works out. Mark said he does. He said that he had to stop for this movie but then he had to work out for ''Broken City.'' Howard told Mark he's a mess right now. He said he looks like hell.
Howard asked Mark how far he's gone with the religion thing and if he still curses. Mark had just said ''shit.'' Mark let out a few other things like cunt, cock sucker and mother fucker. Mark said that he's just being a good person and trying to stay on course. Robin said it sounds like he's having a little bit of a struggle.
Howard asked Mark if he's in therapy. Mark said he's not. He said if they need to then they will. Mark said that they have had a counselor in the past and a child psychiatrist but that's just to make sure they do the right thing. Howard said he'd recommend that to anyone who has a kid. Mark said that they do whatever they can.
Howard asked where Mark is living. Mark said he lives in Los Angeles. Howard asked why he didn't come up to him at the wedding and talk to him. Mark said it was crazy there. Howard said it wasn't that crazy. Howard said he didn't see him at cocktail hour. Mark said they didn't seat anyone until 11 o'clock. That's past his bed time. Mark said they went and renewed their vows. Howard said he wanted to do that too but Beth laughed at him.
Howard asked Mark if he signed Justin Bieber to a movie. Mark said they are developing something for him. He said it's kind of in that ''Color of Money'' kind of thing. He said that Justin can act and he's good at basketball and he has a lot of confidence in him. Mark said they hung out and it came to him that they could do this movie. He said he told Justin about it and now they're working on the script. He said he can see him being a star if he makes the right choices. Howard said he's really done a lot with this producing stuff. Mark said he had to go out and make stuff happen so that's what he did.
Howard said Mark is becoming one of the bosses and that doesn't happen with all actors. Mark said he's more than happy being behind the scenes. Howard asked if he has directed a film. Mark said he hasn't yet but he's looking forward to it.
Howard said he got into producing and he was annoyed so he dropped it all. Howard said he hated it and he had to stop. Mark said that Howard did that one movie and he was fantastic in it. He said he should have done another movie. Howard said every movie he was offered was horrible so he didn't want to do one that would embarrass him. He said he would have done a supporting role but things didn't turn him on. He said he didn't find anything good to do. Mark said that's the thing. You have to find the right thing.
Howard said the ''Private Parts'' thing beat the hell out of him. Mark said that's the thing. He said that can happen. Howard said maybe the fact that he's on the road once in a while is how he keeps his marriage going. Mark said if he's not working then he's home. He said he ran home and went to the Golden Globes too.
Howard said Mark's wife is hot too. He said that there are temptations out there though. Howard said all of the women on the planet must want to hit on him. Mark said that doesn't happen. He said he's 40 and he's been out of the game for a long time. Howard said he's keeping himself on the straight and narrow. Mark said he has his priorities straight. Howard asked if he pleasures himself. Mark said he doesn't do that. He said he just watches TV and that pleasures him.
Howard asked Mark if he has nannies to take care of the kids. Mark said they have two nannies and four kids. Howard said that Rhea can't be sitting home with them all the time. Mark said that they have to keep control of what's going on.
Howard asked Mark why his kids aren't in the tabloids all the time like other celebrity kids. Mark said they have to raise them right and his wife isn't an actress so they don't put them out there. Mark said they have to get the kids an education and then let them figure out what they want to do. He said they will support them in whatever they want to do. Howard said Mark's kids won't be cutting rap records at 9 like Willow Smith.
Howard told Mark to come in and see him sometime. Mark said he will and he told him not to think they're not friends. He said that they have to go to Nobu sometime. Mark said he likes going early like Howard does. Howard gave him some plugs for Contraband and let him go a short time later. They went to break before bringing in Roger Waters.
Howard came back and had Roger Waters from Pink Floyd come in. Howard said he was checking out some of their music right then. Howard asked Roger how he's doing. Roger said he's a bit wired from drinking coffee so early in the morning.
Howard asked if he became a U.S. citizen. Roger said he isn't but he lives there a lot. He said that it's never even crossed his mind. He lives there on a work visa. Howard said that he's such an American. He said he lives near him. Roger said he likes to think of himself as a citizen of the world.
Howard asked Roger about hitchhiking from Beirut to England. Roger said he bought an ambulance to drive around in when he was a kid. He said he and some friends bought it to drive to Beirut. He said as soon as he got his driving license he wanted to make the trip.
Howard said Roger's father died when Roger was only 5 months old. Howard asked why he carries guilt over that. Roger said he doesn't anymore. He said all children take responsibility for what goes on them when they're young. Roger said that they're even more narcissistic than even Robin. Roger said that something happens and you wonder if it was your fault. Robin said that he was only 5 months old though. Roger said he didn't come home from war so that's why he thought something was wrong. Howard asked if his mom was good. Roger said she was great and she just died last year at the age of 86.
Roger told Howard and Robin that he got a guitar at 14 and he tried to learn but it was hard to learn on this thing. He said it's not an easy thing to learn. He said your fingers bleed when you learn to play and he was going to give up. Roger said he took some lessons from this guy Len Williams who had wooly monkeys. He said that he would come to London and teach him there. Howard asked if he thought he was a genius right away. Roger said that the guy asked if he had been practicing an hour a day. He said he wasn't and he probably wouldn't be. Then the guy stopped teaching him.
Howard asked Roger if ''The Wall'' was all his idea. Roger said he thinks about 96 percent of it was his idea. Howard asked if he wishes that he had done it all solo. Roger said they were cracking as young men. He said they did very well when they began. He said that they were very close in the late 60s. Howard said that they never carried on like the other rock bands out there. Howard said they were kind of secretive. Roger said he's not sure they were but maybe.
Howard asked how old he was when he became a millionaire. Roger said he was 30. Howard said that's kind of late to be a rock star. Roger asked if it really was.
Howard asked Roger if the money ruins the band. Roger said that once you get to a certain point it stops being about what they started out trying to do. Howard said he could have stayed in the security of that band if he wanted to put up with the bullshit. Roger said he really had to leave.
Howard asked Roger about going out and playing for like 1,500 people and how he realized that the rest of the band was doing his material. Roger said Howard is determined to dredge up this old stuff. Roger said that when he was playing for 1,500 people and the rest of the band were playing for 50,000 people it was kind of character forming.
Howard asked if he thinks that they were wrong for playing the songs without him. Roger said he doesn't think so. He said that those songs are in the public domain. He said this was 25 years ago though. Roger said he was quite angry back then. Howard said he thinks that he's still an angry man. Roger said he's really not.
Howard said Roger has been married 3 times. Howard said that he looks like Richard Gere. Howard said he saw him at a party and thought it was Richard Gere. Roger said he was sitting in a hotel and a man walked over and bent over and whispered ''You're not Richard.'' Roger said he has met Richard actually and he is a very nice man. He said he came to some of the rehearsals. Howard said he'd like to come to one of those rehearsals. Roger told him he's welcome to come.
Howard said he met Roger's son and he's playing music with him. Howard said he must wonder if he's really good or if he's just putting him in the band because he's his son. He said that he does wonder that but he's tough on his son.
Howard asked Roger about his trip to Beirut. He said they never got into that. He asked about how his father died. Roger said his father died in World War II. He told Howard what happened to his father and how he got killed. Roger said that his father was against killing people but then he became a communist. He said that his father went in and ended up getting killed about 3 weeks into his time in the war. Roger said that he has visited the battlefield but there's not much to see there. He said that there is a memorial for him that he wants to take his kids to see. He said he wants to visit where his father's father was killed too.
Howard said that Roger is very anti-war and that might be why. Roger said that could be it. Howard said when you lose your dad you don't want anything to do with it. Howard asked if he has a hole in his heart for his dad since he never met him. Roger said he does. Roger said that the whole Iraq war got to him. He said it was illegal and they had no business going in there.
Howard said that The Wall is like one of the angriest albums he's ever heard. Howard asked how building the wall on stage came up. He asked if he really spit on someone in the audience. Roger said he did. He woke up and yelled that the guy was coming up on the fucking stage so that's why he did it.
Howard said he saw Roger get on stage when he was asked by Billy Joel and Jon Bon Jovi once and he looked miserable. Roger said that's not his comfort zone. He said he likes playing with his band now though. Howard said he must not have to go out and do it though. Roger said he doesn't have to do it but the reward is the work or the work is the reward.
Howard said his mind must be blown that the band did as well as it did. Howard asked if he went wild sexually. Roger said he knew he was going to do this. He added a ''fuck you'' to that. Roger said he actually just got married on Saturday. Howard said he met this woman and she's gorgeous. Roger said this is his fourth marriage. Howard asked why he would get married again if he's not good at it. Roger said they had been living together for 10 years. He said it was time. Howard asked if he was a crummy husband with his other wives. Roger said he may have been. He said he may have cheated on some of them. Just a hair.
Howard asked Roger if it's impossible to be a faithful husband. Roger said numbers 2, 3 and 4 were monogamous. He said he's been monogamous since 1973. Howard said that's pretty good. Robin said he must have screwed up the marriages himself. Roger said it's not paying attention to the selection process.
Howard asked if it's true he turned down a $350 million deal to go out on the road with Pink Floyd. Roger said another journalist brought that up. He said that they called Ron Delzner and asked him what they could make. Roger said that there's only two of them left. He said that he's not sure David is interested in it. Howard said it's so sad in a way. Roger said it's not acrimony that keeps them from getting together and doing it. He said they both have cash and they don't have to do it. He said that you ask yourself if that's what you want to do and you just say no. Roger said he's busy with his Wall tour and he's going all over the world with that. He said he's doing 41 dates.
Howard asked Roger if he would make a Broadway play out of The Wall. Roger said they're on draft 5 for that so it's not clear if it will ever happen. Roger said he has had a yen for putting the piece in a theater where it's completely controlled. He said it would be a completely different animal than it would be in a ball park.
Howard asked Roger if he graduated college. Roger said he went to school for architecture for 5 years. Howard asked if he graduated. Roger told him to wait a fucking minute so he could tell the story. Roger said he noticed that the teacher was copying down a page from a book and they were required to copy his copy into their books. He said he asked the teacher about why he was copying it when he could just give them a page reference. He said the teacher said he wasn't there to discuss his methods so get on with your work. He said he told the guy that he wanted to be treated like an adult and ended up quitting the class.
Roger said he never went back to the class so he never got his degree. Howard said this is why he's difficult. Roger said he did the first 3 years which took 4 years because he was a bit lippy. He said in the 5th year he was working with a company doing presentation drawings. He said he ended up getting a record deal so he had to leave his job. He said the guy thought he was making a huge mistake. Howard said people can really screw up your whole life.
Roger told Howard how he met David and how they got together as a band. Howard asked who started the band. Roger said he started the band and that's the way to do it if you can't play. He said they played a lot of Elmore James and Willie Dixon songs in the beginning. Roger said that they played for a few years like that. He said they had fun doing that too. Howard said it must have been tough. Roger said that they were living off of credit in those days. He said his mother didn't want him to do that. He said she told him that he had to work and earn the money and then go buy it. He said she didn't believe in credit.
Roger said he was making $7 a week back in the early days. He said even in the 60s that wasn't much money. He said he was living off of his first wife. Howard asked if it felt weird leaving her. Roger said he doesn't leave people. He said that they leave him. He said that he thinks people are hypercritical and they're the ones who end up leaving.
Howard asked Roger if he's banged any famous women. Roger said that he won't talk about that. Howard said that he wants a vague idea. Roger said he will talk about it then. Roger said he won't talk about it.
Howard said that Roger's ''The Wall'' will return to Yankee Stadium in July. Howard asked if it's true that he looks at his performances to make sure nothing went wrong. Roger said that he does. He said he has nothing better to do after the show so that's what he odes.
Howard asked Roger if he drinks. Roger said he does. Howard asked if he does drugs. Roger said he doesn't but he had 4-5 years where he did. He said he was addicted to nicotine at 14 and he spent a number of years, in the 70s, out of his mind on hashish. He said he mixed that with tobacco and he'd smoke them together. Roger said he has done acid only twice. He said that he did it in Greece once. Roger said some kids told him about their experience and it wasn't the same as his. He said that he's not sure if it opened him up creatively or not. He doesn't think it helped with The Wall.
Howard said just talking to Roger has given him an insight into The Wall. He said he sees where the anger in that album comes from. Howard talked about how he told his teacher to fuck off. Roger said that it was just the one teacher. He said that you can't do that to every teacher because they're very important.
Howard asked if Roger is friendly with Paul McCartney. He said they do see each other once in a while. Howard asked if he would write a song with Paul if he asked him to. Roger said he'd have to think about that. He said he's not a good collaborator. He said that he thinks that it would dilute the voice. He said it demands a big effort to focus on his feelings and what's out in the world.
Howard asked how he writes his songs. Roger said they come to him in many ways. He said he can be playing at the piano and it'll come to him.
Howard asked Roger if he would come up with the songs and bring it to the band. Roger said they worked together on a lot of the stuff on Dark Side of the Moon. He said they all collaborated together. Howard asked if he'd get resentful if they'd say that the song wasn't very good. Roger said it's hard to comment on that because it would happen so subtly. He said ''Wish You Were Here'' was written by both he and David. He said that he feels that what really happened is that they were in a room and David would play on guitar and he'd hear that and that's all he had. Roger said he would come up with lyrics to go along with the music. He said he'd go back into the room and put them together. He said the riff is a very important part of the song though.
Howard said that writing lyrics is very tough. He said he thinks that people don't realize that. Roger said that you do get half of the royalties when you write a song.
Howard and Roger talked about how Elton John is a great music writer but he can't write lyrics. Howard said they gave him lyrics once and he wrote a song for them right on the spot.
Howard asked Roger about how they made their records. Roger said they would make their record and then shop it to the record company. Roger said they did make some bad deals at times though. He said they signed a bad deal where they had to pay for their own recording costs. He said that's not an inexpensive thing to do.
Howard asked Roger if he lets his music be used in commercials. Roger said the only one that has been in a commercial was a song that was Rick's. He said that ''Great Gig In The Sky'' was used in a pain killer commercial. Roger said he hasn't allowed any of his stuff to be used.
Howard asked Roger if he was ever competitive at all. Roger said they weren't really. Howard asked if he likes bands like Nirvana. Roger said he does like Nirvana and has some of their albums. He said he didn't discover them until after Kurt Cobain died though. Howard asked who inspired him.
Roger said he remembers hearing The Beatles for the first time and they were recording their first album around the same time. He said he remembers hearing that Beatles album and it was mind blowing. He said that it changed everything for them. Howard said he was floored by the Sgt. Peppers album. Roger said that they transcended the nonsense and they made songs that everyone wanted to hear. Howard said he seems to be very self sufficient. Howard said he admires that. He said he does his own thing and he's not looking for anyone's approval.
Roger said that he does latch on to music sometimes and he becomes obsessed. He said he got obsessed with Dirt Farmer by Levon Helm a few years ago. He said that was another one that changed everything for him. Howard and Roger talked about that album for a short time. Roger said the whole album was great.
Howard asked Roger if he's going to have any kids with his wife. Roger said he'll have to ask his wife Laurie. Howard said he will ask her when he gets a hold of her.
Howard gave Roger some plugs for The Wall show that's coming to Yankee Stadium. Howard said he may get up and perform with him. He wasn't invited to but he said he would do it.
Howard asked Roger if he likes Eric Clapton. Roger said he played on his first solo record so he is friendly with Eric. Howard said tickets go on sale for The Wall on January 30th. You can find out more at RogerWaters.com
Howard said Gary is going to bring his son to see The Wall. Howard said he's going to educate his son. Roger said he thinks that's a vital part of a child's education.
Roger told Howard that David Gilmour has done a show with him. He just did it last year. Howard said that he didn't know that. Howard said that Roger walks down the beach by his house all the time so he wants to just stop by one day. Roger said he has a very nice house. He asked if he made it himself. Howard said of course he did. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from Captain Janks who asked him to put his ass up to the microphone because he wanted to kiss it for that interview he just did. Janks said he has never heard as much about Pink Floyd as he did today.
Howard was going to have Robin start her news but he forgot he had Mutt on the phone to promote tonight's Superfan Roundtable show. Mutt said they will be talking about Robin emasculating men and about other things that happened this week on the show the past two days. That's tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm.
Robin read story about Paula Deen coming out and revealing that she has type 2 diabetes. She had some audio of Paula talking about how they have to eat this stuff she makes in moderation.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to be doing the still photography for Robin's book. Howard said he would do that. Robin said she was going to ask him to do something. Howard said that if it sucks she can just throw it out. Howard said food is very difficult to shoot. He said he's tried and it's very hard. He said that they have special photographers who do the shoots and they really know what they're doing. Howard said Robin really needs a professional for that. Robin said he's probably right about that.
Robin read a story about this guy who died in a bathroom at a movie theater. Robin said the son is upset that the staff didn't do more to find his father. They didn't find him for 5 day. Robin said that they say that restroom trash is supposed to be emptied daily but they didn't go in there for 5 days. Robin had some audio of the son talking about what happened and how he's going to try and forgive them for what they did.
Howard said he had Maryann Garvey on the phone. That's Benjy's friend. Maryann asked Howard what he would think the no sex thing is with Benjy. She said that it disturbs and fascinates her. Howard said he thinks he understands it. He said that it's her not wanting to have sex with him. Howard said having a discussion with Benjy about his life is very hard. Benjy said they do fool around every day but she's very reluctant to have intercourse. Benjy said it's a really big deal to her. Maryann asked why it's such a big deal. Benjy said maybe it's because she's not a slut. Howard said he really doesn't care. He said he can't figure it all out. Maryann said that she can't figure it out. Howard said it goes nowhere when he tries to talk to Benjy. Benjy asked what's so weird. Howard said he doesn't know and he doesn't care.
Benjy said he doesn't care that Howard doesn't care. Howard asked Robin if she understands it. Robin said she's complete and she doesn't need to know more. Howard said maybe it's because he doesn't feel well that he doesn't care. Fred said he thinks he'll be well even when he's feeling fine. Howard said Benjy just can't give a straight answer and his head is spinning. He said the whole thing feels weird to him. He got back to Robin's news after that.
Robin read about Bruce Jenner having some skin cancer removed. Howard said that whole family is about publicity even when they have skin cancer. Robin said that Jenner showed up to a Lakers game with a scar on his face. Some people thought he had more plastic surgery. Howard said he thinks he's had enough. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin asked Howard if he would ever have his dog cloned. Howard said no. He said that it's just a dog that looks like your dog. He said that he wouldn't want another bulldog to suffer like his does. Robin read about a woman who had her dog cloned by a South Korean company. Howard said there are so many dogs out there to be adopted and there is no reason to clone a dog. It won't have the same personality. Robin said she thought about doing that but she thought about how it wouldn't be like the cat, it would just look like it. Robin said this woman claims that her dog is very much like her old dog in personality. Robin said that's ridiculous.
Robin asked Howard if he's excited for the new season of American Idol. Howard said he's not that excited but he will watch it and get into it. Robin said she saw that Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez are working together. Howard said they're doing a Spanish American Idol together.
Robin read about Joe Perry who is willing to accept that Steven Tyler is on American Idol. Robin said he has been talking about it with a reporter.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he thinks Gary should really let his son go to a Roger Waters show with him. He wondered what kid would want to go with his dad. Howard said he used to go on his own. Howard said Gary must be a great dad and his kids must dig being with him. Howard said he took his daughter to see McCartney recently though. He said he took her to see Billy Joel too. The caller said tickets are very expensive today so you almost do have to bring your kids. The caller asked about what show was the biggest influence on him. Howard went through some of the shows he got to see when he was a young man. Howard said he saw Led Zeppelin but there were kids throwing M80s at the concert so he got out of there. Howard said he saw Van Halen with Sammy Hagar. Gary said they saw a show with Bachman Turner Overdrive opening for Van Halen. Howard said he's not sure which one was the biggest influence. The caller said that Howard grew up when music was at its best. Howard said he really thinks it was. Howard said his kids listen to that same era of music and love it.
Gary said he and his son both want to go to the Roger Waters show. He said he's kind of shocked that his son is into it. Gary said that he can get good seats too so that's why his son might want to go with him. Howard said he can't sing the lyrics and pull that douche move. Howard said you just shut your mouth. Gary said he took his kids to see McCartney and Kanye West and he's had a good time at all of them.
Gary said his son was at a concert and he had a black chick come up and dance with him. Gary said she had her arms around him and it was funny as hell. Howard said he should have gotten her number.
Robin said there's an internet black out going on today. Howard said he got up this morning and Wikipedia was down. He said they shut it down and put up some political message about this boycott that's going on. Robin said that they're supposed to vote on a bill that would cut back on internet privacy. Robin said people are afraid that the government going to censor the internet. Robin said that there are people doing this black out today and it's going to hit some students pretty hard. Robin had some audio of some students talking about how it's going to affect them. She had some audio of a congressman talking about why they need this SOPA bill. Howard said he gets upset when people steal the TV show and post it on the internet. Robin said that Google is part of the protest too. She had some details about what they're saying about it.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan and how she's doing on probations. Robin said she's been working community service and they say she's doing well. Robin had some audio of the judge talking about how well she's doing. Howard said that she's finally learning how to behave like anything but a lunatic. Howard said he thinks he could have done a better job with the pictures they shot in Playboy. Howard said they had a lot of harsh light and shadows in the pictures. Robin said she doesn't think she looks very good even on the red carpet. Robin said she looks like she could use some dental work. Howard said he'd still have sex with her so she hasn't lost it all.
Robin asked what Howard thought about Ricky Gervais on the Golden Globes. Howard said he thought he did good. Howard said he likes his relaxed style. Robin said she thought it was kind of weak. Howard said he thought he was entertaining. He said he does lift that show out of the doldrums. Robin said she thought Seth Rogen was great when he came out next to Kate Beckinsale and said he was trying to hide a huge erection. Robin said Kate wasn't even able to speak after that. Howard said that was great.
Robin said that Ricky Gervais was on David Letterman last night talking about how he liked this one the best. She had some audio of him talking to Dave about that. Robin said she thought it lacked some umph this year.
Robin read a story about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame opening it's new library and archives. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about Lana Del Ray who played on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Howard said that she's an artist that Lorne Michaels discovered. Howard said she was on and a lot of people were hyping her like she's the next big thing. Howard said she went on SNL and a bunch of people tweeted afterwards and said she was horrible. Howard said now they're saying she was the worst ever. Howard said that's an industry that doesn't criticize anyone but a lot of celebrities were complaining about her. Gary said he watched it today on the computer and he wasn't getting that it was awful. He said it was just mediocre at best. Gary said the people there at Sirius think she's going to be the next big thing. Robin had some audio of her performance of ''Video Games'' on SNL. Howard played some of the song and Howard said he liked it. Howard said it wasn't the worst. Gary said he thought she was weird and that's kind of cool. Gary said she's only the second person to perform on SNL who doesn't have a record yet. Gary said that shouldn't matter. Howard asked if she's hot. Gary said she's pretty cute. Howard said it wasn't horrible. He said he'd give her another shot on America's Got Talent if she was on. He said they'd welcome her there.
Robin read about the cruise ship captain who abandoned ship. Howard said that guy is a pussy. He said they really need to have some kind of rules about where they sail those ships. He said you can't just fly an airplane wherever you want. He said they should stick to the flight plan like they do with airplanes. Robin said he may be going to jail for murder. Howard said these ships are dangerous and they should be regulated like airplanes. Robin said a waiter on the ship apparently had family on the island so he tried to pull it really close so the family could get a good look. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about that story. Robin said they have suspended the rescue effort and there are still people missing. Robin said the captain is at home now but they're still investigating.
Robin read a story about Rosie O'Donnell who was on Piers Morgan's show last night. Robin had some audio of her talking about how she can't believe there are politicians who are against homosexuality. Howard said it's a backward way of thinking. That's basically what Rosie said.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he did a great interview with Roger Waters. He also said he loves Howard TV. He said that he loved seeing Beetlejuice. Howard said that's really good stuff.
Robin read about the upcoming primary in South Carolina. Robin said there is some controversy in Iowa since they haven't declared a winner yet. Robin said they only had 8 votes separating Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. Robin said they expect to have the votes any day now. Howard said he's shocked that we can't count votes in this country.
Robin had some audio of some of the candidates and had some updates about what they're up to. Robin said that Stephen Colbert is backing Herman Cain now that he can't run down in South Carolina. Howard said Colbert is doing a great job of exposing what Super PACs really are. Howard said that those Super PACs are what's wrong with this country. Howard said that they pretend to be something they're not. Howard said that it's a total joke.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a plastic surgeon and he noticed some things he should do with his eye lids. Howard said he's not doing anymore work on his face. He had a nose job and that's about all he's going to do. Howard said he thinks that he's going to just give up. He said he's not going to go to a surgeon to get his face touched up. He said it won't look good if he gets his eye lids lifted. He should just wear a bag over his head. The caller said that he'd be surprised at how big of a change it could make if he had a little work done. Howard said that was Dr. Rayham offering to do some work for him.
Howard said he got ill yesterday shopping for clothes. He said he's so disappointed when he looks in the mirror. He said he should be handsome but he's not. He said he has to face the fact that he's a meeskite.
Howard said he was a student of radio. He said he listened to radio and announcers and the one who had the most natural talent was Meg Griffin. Howard said he got to hear her when he was all of 20 years old. Howard said Meg was given a gift as an announcer. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. Howard said she would talk in such a natural way. He said she had such a command of music and she was good looking too. Howard said Meg could have had a huge career in voice over but she is so ethical that she couldn't do it. She had too many standards. Howard said if she was like him, with no ethics, then she could have been huge. Robin said she thinks that she's happy doing what she's doing. Howard said she is but she's got so much of a natural talent. Howard said she's still fantastic to this day. He said she was fantastic at 18 while he was awful. Howard said he has it now but back then he was awful. He said she'll quit if they make her play the wrong song in a playlist. He said that's the kind of shit she'd quit over. He said he's never seen anything like it. Howard said she had the most natural talent out of everyone he listened to. Howard said you can't debate it.
Howard said Robin had no standards and she'll do anything. He was just kidding. He said she has a good delivery too. Howard said Meg was something different though. Robin said they were always shocked when she'd quit. Howard said she'd work for a station that would let her play anything she wants. Fred said she could do that at home.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about Mitt Romney and how he's getting a big tax cut. Robin said that he's claiming he's only earning interest on his investments so that's why his tax rate is so low. Robin had some audio of Newt Gingrich talking about that.
Robin read about how there is a new bill that would force porn stars to wear condoms.
Robin read about how Burger King is testing out home delivery. Robin said they're testing it out in a few stores in Virginia.
Robin read about Kate Beckinsale's new ''Underworld Awakening'' movie and had some audio of her talking about that. Howard wondered if she's good in bed. Howard said she's very good looking and she may think that she doesn't have to do anything. Howard said you have to make it fun.
Howard said he's watching The Bachelor this season and all of the girls are very good looking. Howard said they don't have an ounce of fat on them. He said his head is spinning wondering why they're not dating.
Robin read about the movie Haywire. Howard said he saw it and loved it. Robin had some audio of Gina Carano talking about her character. Howard didn't understand what she was talking about. He said he's not sure how she functions. Howard said she is hot and the movie is very good.
Robin read about a new sitcom that NBC has coming out. It stars Amanda Peet. Howard said ''Oh nooo'' Howard said they must be desperate at his new family. Howard said that she fails at everything. Howard said he'll have to talk to his friends at NBC about this. He said they're all flying in to see him next week. He said he has some things to discuss with his new family. Howard played some audio of Amanda talking and Fred played some Grandpa Al Lewis ''Blah, blah, blah'' audio that he played before they ended the show. They were done around 10:40am.
Jon said that his favorite part was when Howard asked Roger about the story of spitting on the fan. He had Teddy play a clip of that.
After the clip Jon said that Howard has a relationship with Roger since they're neighbors. He said that Howard may not be flying out to Perth to see a concert though. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
After the break, around 10:50am, Jon said Gary wasn't there yet but he did have Scott DePace in there. Scott is a big Pink Floyd fan. Scott said this was in his top two favorite interviews of all time. Jon asked how he feels about him being anti-war. Scott said that he'd hate to hear that he turns his concert into an anti-war thing. He said he might have to walk out if he does that.
Jon asked Scott if he learned anything new today. Scott said he did hear some stories he hadn't heard before. Jon said that Roger doesn't do a lot of interviews. Scott said he spent all of his high school years getting stoned and listening to Pink Floyd. Scott asked Jon if he did that too. Jon said he did.
Gary came in and asked Scott if he tried the Wizard of Oz thing with the Pink Floyd album. Scott said he's not sure. He said they may have but he doesn't know. Gary said his son tried it. He hopes he wasn't stoned when he did it.
Scott asked Gary if his son knows more than two or three albums. Gary said he doesn't know if he knows The Wall as a conceptual album. He said he's heard him playing their stuff on his iPod. He said he's not into their full albums though. He said he listens to some of their songs.
Jon took a call from a guy who said his son is into Pink Floyd and he's into some of their more ''out there'' stuff. The guys figured his son is smoking pot or doing even more.
The caller said that Howard was interrupting Roger a lot. He said that he didn't think it was fair. Scott said he did notice that a bit but it was actually Howard bringing Roger back on track. Jon said that Howard is about pacing and it can be tricky. He said the ambulance and Beirut story took 20 minutes to get back to and they never did finish it.
Benjy said he doesn't think Howard is one of the best interviewers out there. He might be the most entertaining but not ''the best'' as some people say. Gary said he heard Roger wasn't very entertaining on Jimmy Fallon's show. He said it's not easy to get Roger Waters going in 7 minutes and Howard had a lot more than that to get it going.
Jon said that Roger was talking about how the band was tight before they did Dark Side of the Moon. Then something went wrong. The guys talked about that and some of the stuff Roger was saying about how he doesn't like to collaborate. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Mark was talking about whether or not he'd do Boogie Nights and he wasn't quite sure. Gary said he liked the way he answered that question.
Jon and Gary talked about the stuff Mark has been in and how he's done very well for himself. He's also producing a lot of shows for HBO and he's doing well with them too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was interesting hearing Mark talking about being more mature and all of that. Jon said he's definitely maturing. Jon said he's always been pretty honest on the show. Gary said he showed up in a suit once and that was when he figured there was a change going on.
Another caller said Mark seems to be comfortable with them. He asked if he's a fan of the show that listens. Gary said he suspects he's just a peripheral fan. He said he seems to know some of the show but he's not sure if he's a Superfan.
Jon said that Ronnie gave his vote to the second couple. Jon said that it seemed like all of the couples were really in love. Gary said that the second couple was wild because the one girl was only 20-something years old. She could have a whole second life ahead of her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's glad to hear JD is going to get out and do the Ronnie's Block Party. Jon said that he was shocked to hear that. The caller said he's happy he's doing that. Jon said he is too. The caller said that he'd like him to do personal appearances. Gary asked if he thinks he wants to do it or is he just doing it for the money. Jon said he thinks he's doing it for the money.
Jon said he heard Scott isn't too happy about him coming on board. He said Scott must want to take Ronnie's role. Gary said he thinks they're looking for a draw and they want JD there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is becoming a media whore. He said that he just wants to bet there with Howard for America's Got Talent. Gary said he disagrees. The caller said JD is a joke and they just need to give him a microphone and they'll get laughs. He said he's just funny to look at too. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done around 11:15am.
Howard asked Grillo why he didn't go out with that girl. Grillo said he talked to her. Gary said this girl asked what Grillo's problem was. Howard said maybe someone else is knocking on his door. Gary said Steve was running around talking to a lot of the girls and maybe he thought he was going to get the blondes instead of the red head. Howard said Grillo got Mr. Left Hand instead of any of the girls.
Howard said the interns think they're going to get all of the girls that come there. Howard said they find a great girl and then more girls come around and they screw things up.
Howard said he had a long meeting with Miss Howard Stern 1994. He said that she didn't want to disgrace the show. Gary laughed and asked how she could do that. Howard said he just told her she can do whatever she wants. He said she can't just call up there anytime and advertise what she's doing though. He said that if they are talking to her she can plug but she can't represent that she owns the airwaves or anything. Howard said he was too embarrassed to ask her to pose for their nude painting session. He's not sure if he feels right about that. Gary said he got the feeling that he could have done just about anything with her.
Gary said he's shocked that she has a kid. Grillo said she's only 22 years old. Howard said her husband does look kind of like Corky from Life Goes On. Jackie said he saw her sitting there and you wonder what's going on there. Howard said you can't have any fun with her with him around. Robin said she saw the husband driving a car and you wonder how that's possible.
Howard said he met with Miss Howard Stern for a few minutes and her husband looks like he could be her father. Howard said that guy lucked out. He said it's just not right. Robin said she saw him coaching her in the green room. She said he was shaking his finger in her face and she was listening intently. Howard didn't know that was going on. Howard said she is Miss Howard Stern 1994.
Howard said maybe she's hypnotized. He said a lot of people are contacting her to do promotional appearances.
Howard said he was looking at naked pictures of Gina and Grillo was passing on that girl. Robin said she heard a lot of strange things about Grillo. She said she heard that he had a tough time getting through that pay-per-view week. She heard that he was trying to get the girls all day long and later he was on the phone crying. Grillo said he wasn't crying. Robin said he was calling his ex-girlfriend. Grillo said he does call her. He wasn't crying though. Jackie said he remembers that. He said he remembers Grillo coming in at 2 in the morning and he thinks he's dialing quietly. He said he heard him talking to the girl at 2 in the morning. Jackie said he didn't have his tape recorder or he would have taped it. He said he swears he remembers it. Grillo said he was arguing with her that night so he didn't hear it. Jackie said he did too.
Howard goofed on Grillo about calling his girlfriend. Howard said that Grillo's girl broke up with him for just saying another girl was pretty. Howard said he could have had that red head. He told him to pull down his pants so he can see if he's a girl. Grillo just took the abuse and didn't defend himself. He said he thinks that girl is a nice person but she lives out in Jersey. Howard said if she lived in Alaska he'd go visit her. Howard said Jersey isn't that far. Howard said he'd just walk to her house.
Howard asked Grillo about calling his girl and saying he misses her at 2 in the morning. Grillo said he does miss her. Howard said he thought they broke up. Grillo said that's not the case.
After an edit we heard Howard calling one of the girls from the pageant. Howard said this girl was one of the knock outs in the pageant. Howard said Grillo isn't an impressive looking guy but he banged one of them. Howard asked Grillo how he got her. Grillo said they hung out all week at the bar. He said she was really nice and they went back to the room. Howard asked how he got into her room. Grillo said she was in his room. He said Stuttering John gave him something to say to her so he asked if she wanted to go back to his room and make out. She said yes. Howard said that's one hell of a line. Howard said Stuttering John has some good lines. He'd never think to say that.
Howard said this girl is better than his ex-girlfriend. Grillo said he doesn't think so but she's extremely attractive. Howard said this girl is a 10. Grillo said he didn't expect it to happen. Howard asked what she was wearing. Grillo said it was just jeans and a t-shirt.
Howard asked Grillo if he really wants to be in radio. Grillo said no. He said he knows he has no voice. Howard said it's not even the voice. He said that he just has nothing. Robin said he is working in radio right now. Grillo said he guesses so.
Howard asked Grillo what he did when he got her back to the room. Grillo said he was very drunk at the time and can't remember the details. He said he'd love to give them but he can't remember. Howard asked if he swears on his hair. Grillo said he swears on his heir. Grillo said that happened on the Thursday before the pay-per-view.
Howard asked Grillo what happened next. Grillo said they were making out and one thing led to another. Gange came in and told Howard that there was a part left out about how angry he was the night after. Grillo was upset that she dumped him the next day. Gange said that one of the other guys picked up the same girl so Grillo lost her to that guy. Gange said he's never seen Grillo so angry before. Grillo was upset that he lost her.
Gary said it must be hard to see her with another man less than 24 hours later. Howard asked if he wore a rubber. Grillo said he did. Grillo said he doesn't know what brand it was but he did have it with him. Gary said he had it with him since 5th grade. Stuttering John came in and said that he didn't have one. Gary asked Grillo if he watches the news. He said he knows one of the girls had genital warts. He didn't want to say which one it was. Howard said Grillo is wild.
Gary said he can't believe anyone has sex without a rubber with what's going on out there in this world. Howard said that girl looked pretty clean to him. Robin said ''Oh yeah, right.'' Howard said he would have gone in there bareback too.
Howard asked Grillo how many times he had sex. Grillo said it was twice. Howard said he's a lucky little bastard. Grillo laughed. He said he felt like a dick the next day though. Robin said you should always take a condom with you. Howard said he wears one just in case sex happens. Howard asked Grillo if the girl asked about a condom. Grillo said it never came up.
Grillo said he felt stupid and he's been feeling like a dick for the longest time. This isn't helping. Howard and Fred were doing impressions of Grillo talking. They had him saying he felt like a ''Dig'' instead of ''dick.''
Howard asked Grillo if he was going wild with this girl. Grillo said he was. He said they undressed each other and it just didn't stop. Howard asked if he did everything. Grillo said everything that could have been done. He didn't do third input. Howard said he wasn't asking about that. Robin said he hardly knew the girl. Howard said Gange didn't even get sex. Gange said he was only there one night.
Howard asked Grillo if he's going to go for an AIDS test. Grillo said he probably should. Grillo said he feels ''more angrier'' now that he thinks about it. Howard and the guys goofed on him about his grammar.
Howard said that girl was really good looking. Grillo said that doesn't make him feel any better. Howard said he took a look at her and she looked clean to him. Howard said she might be carrying his baby as they speak. Grillo said he knows she's not. He said it didn't happen inside. Howard cut him off there and said he had to go explain sex to Grillo.
Howard said Grillo did score so that's a good thing. Robin asked when he's going to get his AIDS test. Grillo didn't know.
Howard asked Sting about the rock and roll hall of fame. He said Sting kind of blew him off there because he was sitting with Bruce Springsteen. Howard said he saw Springsteen with his first wife and she had chipmunk cheeks. Sting laughed. Howard said he saw Sting sitting there and he went over to him to say hello and Sting just said ''Oh you...'' He said he tried talking to him but Sting just turned around and got back to talking to Springsteen. He said it killed him when he did that. Robin said they tried calling Sting for Howard's birthday and they weren't able to get him on the phone.
Howard asked Sting what he's worth. He said he must be worth at least $100 million. Howard asked how that money comes in and if it's from the royalties and all of that. Sting said he has people who look after all of that for him. He said he has like 50 bank accounts. He said the more money you have the more paranoid you become. Howard said he wouldn't know. He doesn't have that much money.
Howard asked Sting how the guy stole the money from Sting. Sting said he can't really say. He said he'd rather be honest and poor than dishonest and rich. Sting said they basically just pinched the money. He said he's not sure how much they took and he doesn't want to count it.
Howard said Sting beat the odds and hit big so he should be upset that he lost that money. Howard said he would spend a full hour on his finances every day if he had that kind of money. Sting said maybe Howard should be his financial advisor.
Howard said Sting has one of those careers that's timeless. He can still fill stadiums and go do other things and people still flock to him. Howard asked why he married Trudy. Sting said he adores her. Howard asked if she lets him go out and have fun with other girls. Sting said she'd kill him if he did that. Robin said they heard he married her because he could still go out and do whatever he wants. Howard asked where she is. Sting said she's not there. He's at the record company and she's at home.
Howard asked Sting if he had sex with her last night. sting said he did, for hours. Sting said they have sex every night. Howard said Trudy has a hot body.
Robin said they heard that they were at that strip club there in the city. Howard said he'd like to get in on that action.
Howard asked Sting if he's ever gotten it on with Trudy's sisters. Sting said he doesn't think that would happen. He said there would probably be a homicide if he did. Howard asked Sting why he's so talkative. He asked if Trudy had him locked up too long. Sting just laughed.
Howard said Trudy is making Sting do this Rain Forrest thing. He asked him about that and if he's going to perform his hits. Sting said he will do some hits.
Howard said no one wants to hear Sting cover Cole Porter. He did that last time at the rain forest concert. Howard said that he should stick to his own stuff. Howard asked if he's heard from his old band mates. Sting said they actually played together at his wedding. Howard said they must want to get back and have a reunion. Sting said they did have a great time at the wedding.
Howard asked Sting how he went in and told the guys how he told those guys they were out. Sting said they fired him. He said they actually didn't call each other for a while and he went out and did a solo album without telling them. Howard said that's the way to do things. He asked if he had someone call the guys. Sting said it just happened and things evaporated. Howard said maybe those two stole his money. Sting said he might be right.
Sting said they tried to do a greatest hits album but they ended up fighting. Howard said he thinks that Andy Summer is the trouble maker. Sting agreed. Howard said Andy thinks that Sting needs him. Fred said he's not sure Howard has it the right way.
Howard asked Sting how he stays in shape. Sting said he does Yoga for an hour and a half a day. Howard asked if he stretches. Sting said you do that and he can put his feet over his head and turn himself into a pretzel. Howard asked if he lifts weights. Sting said he hates weights. He doesn't do that. Robin said his body is in great shape.
Howard asked when he's coming to New York. Sting said he'll be there in February. Howard gave him some plugs for the Rain Forest concert and spent another minute on that. He wrapped up and let Sting go a short time later.
Howard had the woman who was contacted by the fake Fred and she was telling them what the guy was doing. Howard asked if she's good looking. She said she's okay and she's not ugly. Howard asked what her measurements were and basically did what the fake Fred was doing. She said that the guy was asking a random survey like it was being asked by the Howard Stern show. Howard asked if he asked what she was wearing. She said he didn't. Howard asked what she's wearing now. She said she has class in a few minutes so she's in jeans and a t-shirt. Howard asked what age she lost her virginity. She was 15. She's only 19 and she's had 3 sexual partners. Howard said most listeners have had 50.
Howard asked the caller if she enjoys oral sex. She laughed and said yes. Howard asked if she would ever consider anal. She said no but Howard told her that she will eventually. Howard asked if she has ever fantasized about two men at the same time. She said no but Howard said that's a lie.
Howard asked how old she was when she was with herself for the first time. She didn't say. Howard asked if her dog has ever seen her nude. She said no to that too. Howard said he likes that survey and he'd like that guy to call in with the whole thing so they can have it.
Gary said he had a girl tell him that she had slept with him even though he never had. He said they must have a lot of impersonators out there.
Howard and Frank talked more about the dating Robin thing. Frank said he knows that Robin didn't want to keep dating him. Howard asked if there was any kissing on that date. Robin said there was no kissing. Howard said he knows what that's like. Robin said she did the story on the air about some animals that were being abused and Frank sent her a nasty letter. Frank said he signed that with X's and O's though.
Frank said that Robin read the story two days in a row and they were savoring the story and he felt they were putting thoughts into people's minds. Howard said it sounds like Robin treated animals better than she treated Frank.
Robin said that she hasn't heard from Frank since. Howard asked if that's true. He said he heard that they talk once in a while. Frank said that one can talk to a machine. Robin said that's not true. Frank said he has called her. Robin said she doesn't thinks he has. Howard said Robin must not be able to use her answering machine. Robin said she has not heard from Frank since that nasty note. Frank said that was not a nasty note. He said he sent a heartfelt 35 page letter about Robin's book too. Robin didn't get that either.
Howard asked Frank about these Nixon tapes he's there to talk about. Howard said he was Richard Nixon's confidant. He did like 900 interviews with him and they put them out. Frank said he interviewed him over the course of 7 months and he did that for 38 hours. Frank said he had the idea of doing a video autobiography. Frank said the interviews were done in a studio. Howard asked if he did anything weird. Frank said there will be a bloopers tape as part of the tape. Howard did an impression of what that tape might sound like. He got on his megaphone and did his Nixon impression for a minute. Frank said that was truly scary.
Howard asked Frank about how old he was when he met Nixon. Frank said he was 24-25. He said that he had won a White House fellowship program. He said he was actually with Nixon when he made his farewell speech. He said he was on Air Force One when he resigned. Howard said that's pretty amazing. Howard said Frank slept with Diane Sawyer too. Howard asked to smell his hand. Howard said he acts all embarrassed but he told Robin about that on their first date. Robin said he told her that he was engaged to her. Howard said that's a great way to meet women.
Howard asked Frank why he quit the Letterman show. Frank said he was there for five years. Howard said it was impossible to deal with him when he'd do the pre-interview. Howard said he would tell Frank he wanted to talk about vaginal infections. He said he'd ask what Dave would say but he had no idea what Dave would say. He said he used to have to lie to Frank about what he wanted to talk about on the show. Howard said he'd tell him he wanted to come on and kill the band. Howard said Frank was like a broken record when he'd ask these questions.
Howard asked Frank about being engaged and if Diane wore a ring. Frank said she did not. Howard said he heard Frank left a love letter on the table so Robin could read it. Frank said that's not true. Howard was just joking around about that.
Frank told Howard some more Nixon stories and Howard asked how weird it was when he was there for his last moment. Frank said Nixon never cried or anything. Frank said in the tapes they talk about how numb he was and Nixon emphasized the B in Numb. Howard said he can't understand why he wasn't able to take those tapes and just burn them. Howard said he thinks he's a good judge of human nature and these guys think they won't get into any trouble over this stuff. Howard said it could have been that simple. Frank said he's right but when the tapes were announced Nixon was in the hospital. He said he wasn't there to do anything with them. He said the only worse thing would have been to have burned them and have just one survive. That would have sunk him.
Howard asked if Frank would have destroyed the tapes for Nixon. Frank said he would have as long as they weren't evidence before he asked him to do that. That way they it wouldn't have been illegal.
Howard did his Nixon impression again and had him asking Frank about Diane Sawyer and getting mad that he won't talk about this one broad. Howard did the impression for a few minutes and said that Frank was really close to Nixon.
Howard said he will watch the Nixon tapes thing. Frank said he really believes in them and they're really good. He said that the David Frost tapes were done closer to the resignation. He said he helped him prepare for those interviews.
Howard asked how long it took to get Diane Sawyer in bed. Frank didn't get a chance to answer. They ended up talking about Robin dating Penn Jillette and Dennis Rodman. Robin had said something about Frank calling her dates. He once called Penn about Robin. Howard said Frank is a very controlling kind of guy.
Howard asked Frank if he has to date Diane Sawyer a long time before getting her in bed. Frank said that it took a little long to get her. He said he still hears from her. He said Robin is the only one who cut him off.
Howard did more of his Nixon impression and had a whole conversation with himself. Robin said that Frank is a very good piano player and he was supposed to play for Kennedy. Frank said he plays piano on the tapes too.
Howard said Frank has had an incredible career. He said he produced a newsletter for cigarettes too. Howard asked if he still does that. Frank said that Phillip Morris is a great company. Howard said he invested in them and he thinks they're a great company too. Howard said he's against smoking but he thinks that they've got a big cash business. Howard said people are going to die but he hates people anyway. Howard spent a few more minutes with Frank. He was still doing his Nixon impression as they wrapped up.
Former NFL Player Roy Simmons Visits. 01/19/06. 8:55am
Howard had the guys bring in their next guest who was former NFL football player Roy Simmons. He played for the NY Giants from 1979-1983. Howard said they were talking about him yesterday. Roy said that there are some gay guys in the league and there may be 1 or 2 gay guys on each team. He told the guys about how he had sex with a team mate back at his house one time. It was oral sex.
Howard asked Roy if he ever bashed gays just to fit in with the rest of the guys. Roy said that didn't happen a lot but he did play along when that would come up. Roy said that things were different back then in the 70s and 80s. Howard asked him if he would be more into Joe Namath or Phil Simms. Roy said that it would be Joe. Howard asked him who he like in the NFL now. He said that he likes Tiki Barber. Howard wondered if he's into Ronde Barber as well. Roy said he might take him if Tiki wasn't around.
Howard asked him to talk about some of the guys on his team who were hot to him. He was talking about some of his teammates and Artie threw in a name as well. Artie said that he knew that Roy would have liked Beasley Reese. Roy said that he would check out some of the guys in the shower but he wouldn't think about them when he was pleasuring himself.
Howard asked Roy how big Lawrence Taylor was. Roy said that he was big and he's a big guy all around. Howard asked him just how bit it was but Roy would only say that he was ''well endowed.'' Howard gave him a plug for his book ''Out of Bounds'' and asked him about some of the stuff he talks about in there. Roy said that he was raped when he was a young boy and it was by a postal worker that lived a few doors down from his family. Roy said that the guy grabbed him one day and raped him and it only happened the one time. He said his grandmother found out about it when she found his bloodied underwear in his drawer.
Roy said that he used to be really scared to turn the corner of the neighborhood because of the rape that took place. He said even today he doesn't trust his mail. He said he prefers email to regular mail now. Roy also told Howard about how he was outted by a family member who thought he wasn't being fair to the woman he was dating at the time.
Roy talked about his cocaine use back in the 1980s. Howard told him that he knows a couple of guys who had problems with that stuff. Artie is one of them. Bob added that the coke will take you to a bad place... To a cock. Roy told Howard that he's both a receiver and a giver when it comes to gay sex. Artie asked him if he dreamed of playing center for the Giants because that would seem like a dream job for him. Roy said no to that question. Howard asked him how he pictures them having sex. Roy said he would probably do 69 with him. Bob Levy said that it would be a 61 since Howard is so skinny.
Roy told Howard that he did get AIDS but he is undetectable when he has a blood test done. He said that he was into male prostitution for a while after he got out of the NFL. Roy talked about the things he used to do back when he was a prostitute. He said he did all kinds of stuff and even did some S and M stuff and would even give golden showers. He said he never shit on anyone but he's seen it done.
Roy said that he was rarely recognized but there were a couple of guys who would. He said that there was one guy he used to give NFL stuff to so he wouldn't go out and tell the press what he was up to. He also told a story about how he had his NFL ring stolen from him by a guy who he was having sex with. He said the guy stole that ring and a bunch of that stuff he kept in his jewelry box.
Howard took a call from Gay Ramone who asked him how big his big black cock was and if it's cut or uncut. Roy said ''Wow!'' when he heard that. He went on to say that he is pretty well endowed and he's uncircumcised because the doctors told his mother that he didn't need it. Howard figured he must be extra large if that's the case.
Roy talked about how he used to dress up as a woman and visit gay bath houses. Gay Ramone knew of one of the places he used to visit. Howard gave Roy an F, Marry, Kill game to play. Here's how he answered...
Howard wished Roy luck with his book and gave him another plug for it. He also asked him one last question. He asked him if he's ever picked up a jock strap and smelled it after the rest of the team left. Roy said he has done that but it was just a random one, not anyone in particular. He even kept the jock strap after doing that. Howard told him that if he was gay, he would be honored to date him. He went to break a short time later.
Howard said he farted in front of his kid and she caught a whiff. Howard said the kids hate his gas. Jackie said the worst thing he ever saw was a guy get up on a bench and put one foot on the locker and one on the bench. He told one of the guys to see if he had a rip in his pants and then farted in his face. He said it was great.
Howard said he got Gary the other day. Gary said he was doing commercials. Howard said someone was sitting behind him. Gary said he got it bad the other day. Howard said he stands up when he does the commercials and he farted in someone's face. Jackie reminded him that it was him.
Howard said Jackie cut one the other day and they got it on tape. Howard asked Scott if he had it. Gary said they were just discussing farting and getting caught. Gary said he takes the elevator at 5 in the morning and no one gets on usually. Then once in 5 months someone will get on after he farted in there.
Howard said he gives Robin a warning if she's coming in after he farts. Gary said he got Robin really bad at one event they were at. He said he farted after she left and then she came back in the room. Robin said it was like walking into a fog. They spent another minute on that and then wrapped up.
Lisa G's News Preview And A JD Date Update. 01/19/10. 7:35am
Lisa G said that they were on the scene with JD after his date with Ashley Dupre. They met at a restaurant and had hot chocolate and talked about movies and stuff. Lisa said that Ashley isn't looking for a relationship but she wants to be friends. JD told her that he's still going to hit on her. Lisa said JD told her that he'd love to see her again and he's going to wait to see if the seeds he planted will grow.
Gary said he spoke to JD and he had the exact time she showed up and left. She stayed with him for an hour and she didn't bail on him early. She did have a business meeting to go to though. Howard said she probably didn't have a business meeting like she claimed. Lisa said that she tweeted about her date. Lisa read some of those tweets and Ashley was talking about how great JD was in those tweets.
Howard had JD come in and asked him about the date. JD said she was a great girl and she was very nice. Howard asked if he wore that Johnny Depp outfit that he told him to wear. Fred, as JD, said he looked more like Johnny Dick.
JD said he got dressed up nicely and she noticed he had shaved. He said it was a special occasion. JD said she wore a military type jacket that Michael Jackson wore. He said that she looked very nice. He said her hair was tied back and it looked good. JD said he likes her but he doesn't know what's going to happen.
Howard asked what the best moment of the date was. JD said he doesn't know. He said it was sort of like her getting to know him. JD said they talked about ''whatever.''
Howard asked if he brought a condom. JD said he didn't. Howard said he would have brought one just in case. JD said he was being a gentleman. Howard asked if he paid. JD said of course he did. JD said he got there early and waited for her to show up. Robin said ''of course you did...'' JD said he sat there for like 10 minutes by himself and had an appetizer while he waited. He said Ashley came in and they hugged and started talking. He said he didn't help her with her chair but he did stand up. They hugged goodbye too.
Howard asked if anyone recognized her. JD said if they did no one said anything. Howard asked if he hoped it would turn into an all night date. JD said he was fine with it being the way it was.
JD said Ashley looked nice and he told her that. He pointed out something cute that she does. Robin asked what that was. He said that she'll talk and nothing will come out. She'll mouth words and not actually say it. Howard said that's a sign of psychosis. Howard didn't know what he actually meant so JD had to explain to him that she will mouth words and not actually make sound. JD said it's like she wants to say something but not too loud. He said maybe it's something she's embarrassed to say. Howard said that will become the thing he hates the most about her if he dates or marries her.
JD said he and Ashley have been texting and she's out in L.A. for some business. He said that he texted her to let her know he had a good time and she said when she gets back maybe they'll see a movie.
Robin mentioned that she saw ''The Book of Eli'' over the weekend and she'd warn people not to see it. She said it just wasn't good.
Howard asked JD what movie he would take Ashley to see. Howard said they're going to see Avatar today. Howard said he saw Governor Schwarzenegger talking about the movie at the Golden Globe awards. He said he was happy for Ivan Reitman's son doing so well with his movie ''Up in the Air.'' Robin said she saw that they're going to do another ''Ghostbusters'' movie.
Howard asked who ended the date. JD said Ashley had to go so she ended it. Howard got back to the Golden Globes and talked about how good Jennifer Aniston looked. He said he felt good for her because she did look so good. He said Jodie Foster looked good too. Howard said Jodie looks like she'd take some penis once in a while. Robin said she thinks that she never did but she's not sure about that.
Howard said he'd be a good starter for a lesbian because his penis is like a large clit. He said he thinks he would have been good for Jodie.
The guys talked about other lesbians like Meredith Baxter and Carol Leifer. Howard said there are some ''gold star'' lesbians who have never been with a guy. He said that's right on that penis makes you ill.
Howard said he was watching Mel Gibson on that Golden Globes and he's not sure how he gets any applause at all. Robin said they will never say a bad thing about that guy just like Roman Polanski. Howard said he wants to see Charlie Sheen get applause.
Howard said they play people right off the stage even if they're saying something interesting. He said they just play the music right over them when they want them off.
Lisa said that Ashley tweeted at 6:10pm after the date so she's not sure if she really had a meeting. JD told Lisa to stop stalking his date. She said she had an appointment at 5:30 and she had to get going. JD said she showed up a few minutes late to the date but she's a nice girl. Robin said no one said she wasn't nice. Howard said maybe he'll get into her pants. JD said it's going to be baby steps.
Howard said it sounds like JD is in love. JD said he's not in love. He said he might be smitten with her. Howard said JD would marry her tonight. JD said he doesn't know about that. Howard said he guarantees that he would marry her if she wanted to marry him. JD said he would think she's psychotic if she wanted to get married that quickly.
Howard goofed on JD some more about having to move in with her. He was making JD ask her if he could move in and if she likes PlayStation 3 and things like that.
Howard asked JD if he has feelings of love for this girl. JD said she's very nice and she has a great sense of humor. He said she likes The Jerky Boys. Fred was doing his JD impression asking Ashley if she was a fan of Rizzo or Frank. JD said she was shocked to hear that the guys who did those calls are broken up now.
Howard said he liked Ashley on the show. He said that they'd make a good couple and they'd be a very powerful couple. Howard said a girl like that looks really good standing next to a guy like JD. Howard said that's why Beth likes him.
Howard asked JD if he brushed his teeth before the date because he has bad breath sometimes. JD gave him a ''Oh fuck you.'' Howard said he could just tell her that he stepped in dog shit. Fred and Howard were doing their impressions of JD and goofing on him about all of this stuff. Howard said he should have walked in with an engagement ring. Robin said she may have said yes because they were in public. Howard said he could have brought a minister with him and told her he was there just in case she had feelings of love.
Howard asked JD if he would get engaged to her if she was interested. JD said he has to date her a few more times and see how things go.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how long it took JD to go home and beat off. JD said he didn't do that. He said he has to watch porn to do that. JD said it would take him forever if he just sat around thinking about it. Howard said he doesn't need porn to beat off. JD said he does.
Howard noticed that Fred was doing something new with his JD impression. Fred said he's been refining it every time he comes in. Howard asked JD what he beat off to over the weekend. JD said he didn't do that this weekend. He said he's still messed up in the head these days.
Howard asked JD when he last beat off. JD said maybe yesterday. Robin asked why he was lying to them. JD said he wasn't lying, he just doesn't remember every time he beats off. Howard told JD he has to make things work with Ashley. JD said he doesn't want to scare her off.
JD said that Ashley is very busy traveling so he's not sure how things are going to work out. Howard said they took JD to a birthday party at Rick's Cabaret the other day. Robin said she was invited. JD said he didn't cum there but he had blue balls like never before. He said they were painful.
JD said that after one dance the stripper pointed out his boner and she was telling Jason to look at it. Howard said that's not cool. Howard did an impression of what that must have sounded like. JD said that's exactly what it was like when he heard Howard's Russian accent.
JD said Sal was the big party guy over there. He said he's like Ronnie Jr. there. Howard thanked JD for the story and wished him luck with Ashley.
Gary came in and said he heard some stories about Sal at these parties. He said that at another party Sal told one of the strippers that he works for the Howard Stern Show and that he had just had a meeting with Chris Rock. He had a friend call him as Chris Rock so the stripper thought he was getting a call from Chris. Howard said the girls are just as impressed if you hand them a $20 bill.
JD said Sal was talking to the girls about the stuff they work on there and bragging about the guys who are begging to be in the Show in the Hallway stuff.
Howard let JD go and took a call from a guy who said that JD paused for 15 seconds and followed that pause with the word ''and.'' He said he's never heard something like that before. Howard said that is funny and he didn't even hear that.
Howard and the caller talked about JD talking dirty and what that would sound like. The caller suggested they have JD sit in on the news and comment on the stories. Howard said he doesn't think that would work very well. The caller wanted to hear his take on Haiti. Howard said that Jim Nance called it ''Hatia.'' He said he apparently didn't know it was actually Haiti. Howard played that audio clip real quick.
The caller said the girl he was with yelled out ''Will you shut the F up?'' Howard said that's the wrong thing to do. The caller said that they came right up to them and confronted them. The guy said that they were asking if he was a homo and what was wrong with him. Howard said you just sit there and take it. The guy said that's what he did. He said they told him that he was dead after the movie. He said they did follow them for a few blocks after the movie but they were just trying to scare them.
Howard said he grew up in a black neighborhood and he knows what that's like. He said one of the rules is to just stay home and not go to a black movie like one of these Spike Lee or John Singleton movies. Howard said he's seen a lot of black people talk to the screen. He said this guy on the phone isn't racist. He said he's just telling it like it is. Howard said they'll yell out what's about to happen like the actors can hear them. Billy West did an impression of a black guy talking to the screen for a few seconds.
Howard said black people get upset with these movies that come out. He said that they get riled up even though other people don't get riled up when they see movies about their problems. Howard said if they get agitated then it's your signal to leave. Howard asked what's wrong with this guy. The caller said the worst is the theaters that cost like 1 or 2 dollars. Howard said he'd pay $25 to see a movie if he was guaranteed not to get beat up.
Robin said they got a letter from a guy who manages some theaters and they say it's lucrative to run one because they make so much on snacks. Robin said the problem is repairing the screens after people throw stuff at it. She said the guy said that they don't repair the screen because it's $3,000. They also don't repair the ripped out toilets. Howard said in Roosevelt they would shoot the screen and rip out seats. He said they'd rip out the cushion so you had to sit on the metal. Billy said that's black rage. He did his black guy impression for a few more seconds.
Howard said there are white people who talk during the movies all the time too. He said it's not just black people. He said the majority seems to be black people though.
Howard said if you're going to shush a black guy in a theater then you have to be prepared to fight. Howard said he feels for the ushers in the theater. He said they have to tell people to get out of the theater.
Gary said he has a guy on the phone who says he was at the theater where some people got into a fight. The guy said he and some buddies went to the movie and they saw ''Higher Learning.'' Howard asked why he had to see this movie. The guy said he's a fan of some of the people involved with the movie. He said they don't have that movie in theaters in other areas there in Cleveland. The guy said that the theater was mobbed and the audience was predominantly black. He said they had bottles of malt liquor with them there too. The guy said that in the front of the theater a fight broke out and they ended up fist fighting. The guy said they were yelling at the screen and it got them riled up to the point that they started fighting.
The caller said people started running out of the theater. He said people were ducking and covering their heads because they thought they were going to get shot. The caller said they got out as fast as they could.
Howard let the caller go. He said that people think he was making this stuff up but that's really what goes on at the theaters. He said they didn't have metal detectors or anything back then. Howard said it was kind of sad because there was nowhere to see movies.
Howard said that this whole thing has grown out of control. He said the theater that his mom and dad go to has a metal detector at it. Howard said his parents go and they have to be patted down because they're patting down the black people. Howard said it's obvious that they're old white people that won't be carrying a gun.
Gary had another guy on the phone who was at that theater where the fight broke out. The guy told Howard people were acting a fool in line. He said you knew it was going to be a confrontation. Robin asked why they don't get them out of there before they get in the theater. Howard said that would cause a problem too.
Howard said he'll hang out around an older black couple if he's in a theater like that. The caller said he ended up laying low and tried to stay out of trouble. Howard said this is all to see a movie. The caller said he was going to go back and ask for his money back since he missed the whole show. He said he's not going back out to the theater to see movies anymore. He said he's just going to wait for it to come out on video and watch it that way. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about the theater thing before wrapping up.
Robin Goes To A Yanni Concert! 1/19/98. 6:25am
Where's the last place you'd expect to find Robin? A Yanni concert, that's where. Robin went to the new age music concert with her ex-boyfriend Mr. X this past weekend. She said that the concert was pretty good but that she didn't and wouldn't pay the $70 per ticket cost herself. Her friend Mr. X was the one who wanted to see the concert in the first place so he paid for the tickets although it was Robin who was able to get the tickets. She explained some of what Yanni does in the show and how long it was. It was so long that there was an intermission! She said that it lasted about 3 hours total.
Howard read more of the letter and said he should call this guy. Howard gave the name and number to Gary so he could make the call.
Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking before Gary got the person on the phone. Howard another letter to the editor and this person was complaining about him wearing a leather jacket on the cover of the magazine he was on. Howard told Gary to call this one too. Howard read through a couple more letters he had and said he can't believe people think of him like that.
Howard said Gary got him some numbers. Howard tried calling one of the numbers to get the person on the phone. Howard got a woman on the line and her name was Bachia. Howard said that he wanted to talk to her in a nice way. She agreed to come on the air. Howard asked her what her ''beef'' is with him but he figured that she would have a problem with that. Howard said she must wear leather shoes. She said she's looking for other ways. She said she is wearing out leather shoes and she's not buying anymore new ones.
Bachia said that she doesn't want to be attacked over this so she won't discuss it on the air. She didn't think that Howard was in the right frame of mind. Howard said he is. She cut him off and said that she thinks that it's a hypocritical thing for that magazine to do. She said it's a question of compassion. Howard said people wear leather shoes. Bachia said that there are more choices with jackets than with shoes.
Howard said he doesn't eat beef but he has no problem with leather jackets. Bachia said she stated her feelings in her letter. She said she feels that this is unfair for him to call. She said it's early in the morning and she's not prepared to do that. She said maybe she can appear on his show one day but right now is not the time.
Howard and Bachia talked about the leather jacket and Howard said he loves animals just as much as she does. She said that's not possible. Howard said she would kill a rat. She said she would not. She said she wouldn't want to live with it but she will not kill it. Bachia said she will trap them and bring them to the park.
Bachia said Howard isn't hearing her. Howard said he has too. He told her what he has learned but she told him he was wrong. Bachia told Howard that there are choices for what you can wear and wearing other animals is not right. She said that animals have no free thought. She said that she's really not ready to get into this with him. Howard said she's doing fine. Bachia said that she'd like to come on the show with another person and then they'll talk about this further.
Bachia said that she has found non-leather shoes to wear but she's wearing out her old ones. She said she doesn't buy anymore leather.
Howard asked Bachia if she's into Ramtha, Crystals and things like that. She said that has nothing to do with this but she isn't into that. Howard said he was just curious. Bachia said we were not put here on this planet to use and abuse animals. Howard said he agrees with that and he's pretty hip on this stuff.
Bachia said she has never heard Howard's program. Howard said he thinks she'd like it. Bachia said she'd really appreciate Howard telling her what she's said to him this morning. Howard said he is one with nature and he does Transcendental Meditation. Bachia said that has nothing to do with nature.
Bachia asked Howard why he wears leather. Howard said that the cow is already dead so he figures there's no problem with that. Bachia said that just encourages them to kill more. She said this is a cop out. Bachia said she had to get going. Howard said he thinks he was pretty nice. She said he wasn't bad.
Howard said he'd rather see a cow live than see some ugly people live. That was the last straw for Bachia. She hung up.
Robin said that she realized what fur coats are. She said that it's an animal's skin on your back. Howard said that's exactly what it is. He said he's got no problem with people eating meat. He said it's a natural thing with man in general. Howard said that he won't wear a mink. Robin said that's because he'd look silly in it.
Howard asked Robin if she wants to call more of these people. Robin said yes. Howard said that woman wanted to roust him from his radio show. Howard said that woman was pretty cool. She knows more than he does. Robin said she's not sure what she was saying about leather shoes. Howard said she didn't want to talk about it unless she came down to the studio. Howard said he knows he's not evolved. He said he doesn't want to be. He said he likes the way leather looks on him.
Howard called another number that Gary had given him. No one was answering. Howard checked to see if there was anyone else he could call there. Then the woman picked up. Howard told the woman, Tanya, that he wanted to talk to her about the letter she wrote to Whole Life.
Howard read the letter to Tanya and she just laughed. Howard said maybe she didn't write it. She said she actually did. Howard asked what that's all about. She was just laughing. Howard said he loves cows just as much as her. Howard said he might as well wear it's skin if it's dead already. Robin asked what motivated her to write the letter. She said she's not even sure. She said it was just something she did.
Howard asked Tanya what she was doing that too so long to answer her phone. She said she just woke up. Howard said she doesn't sound so angry. Tanya said she has no reason to be angry. Tanya said that she actually didn't write the letter. She said it was a friend and she let him use her name. Howard laughed and wondered why she would do that. Tanya didn't know why she did it.
Howard asked if she was just trying to get her name in the paper. She said it was just a joke. Howard said it didn't sound like a joke to him. Howard asked who wrote it. Tanya said it was just a friend. She said it was at work. Howard figured it was someone she works with. Tanya said it was just a joke.
Howard told Tanya to let that guy know he's a chump. He said he's going to kick his ass if he ever sees him. He let Tanya go a short time later. Robin wondered if there's a lot of this kind of thing going on. Howard said he thinks there is. Howard said black people don't care about that crap so he knew that there was some kind of hoax going on. He went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard said Jennifer's publicist made Gary promise that he'd be nice to Jennifer. Gary said he assured them that he'd be nice. Howard asked how he knows he'd be nice. Gary said she's very pretty and he knows Howard will treat her fine. Howard said that he will talk baby talk to her. He said he knows how to handle it. He said he can talk like she does.
Gary brought Jennifer into the studio and Howard said she's in a new TV show. Howard said she is cute too. Howard said she plays a hooker in the show. Jennifer said that she can't believe he insults her before she even comes out. She said that he just said her sister looks weird. Howard said Jennifer looks hot. He asked her to take her sweater off. Jennifer said she won't be doing that.
Howard asked who Jennifer is dating. She said she didn't want to say. Howard asked her to just sit back and relax. Howard asked what her sister has been in. Jennifer said she doesn't talk about her sister in interviews. She said she's there to promote herself. Jennifer said people mistake her for her sister because People Magazine puts in pictures of her and they get the name wrong.
Howard asked Jonathan Lawton about putting her into the movie. Howard said he thinks she'd be good. Howard said that she could play a topless, blind beggar. She said she doesn't do topless.
Howard said that he had to talk to her about something but he can't remember what it was. Gary said he thinks it was about the movie she just finished with Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg. Howard asked if she saw them falling in love. She said she had no idea anything was going on. She said she did feel that love was in the air though.
Howard said that Ted Danson was married at the time. Jennifer said that he was. Howard asked if he ever approached her sexually. Jennifer said they did a scene in bed but he was very nice. She said he didn't come on to her at all. Howard asked what Whoopi's role is in the movie. Jennifer told Howard about who plays what and Whoopi is the woman Ted's character dumps her for. She said that it's not until the end of the movie that she's gone though.
Howard asked Jennifer if she thinks Whoopi is a good looking woman. Jennifer said she's a very warm, attractive person. Howard asked if she had any idea what was going on. Jennifer said she didn't notice anything but then she thought about it and they did have a good chemistry.
Howard asked Jennifer if she has breast implants. She said she's afraid not. Howard asked how old she is. She said she never tells what her age is. Howard said he wants her in his movie. Jonathan said that she's got a good reputation and he thinks there's a great chemistry there. Howard asked why. Jennifer said she was looking at his watch.
Howard asked Jennifer about her sister and if she resents her because she's more well known. Jennifer said she's so friendly with her sister.
Howard had his script there so he asked Jennifer to do a scene with him. Howard gave her the lines and did the scene with her. Jennifer refused to read a line about a fart. She said she's got more class than that. Howard said that's what his problem is with Hollywood.
Howard said that there are plenty of other people for the part. He said that if the movie is successful then she'll be begging him for a part. Jennifer asked if she's getting kicked off the show now. Howard said she's not. Howard said that maybe she should come over and make out with him. She wasn't going to do that.
Howard made the mistake of calling Jennifer 'Meg.' He said it was a natural mistake. Howard said now she's mad at him. Howard told her that he'll make out with her to make her feel better. Jennifer said she was sulking now. Howard asked if she wants people to tune in tonight. She said of course she does. Howard said that she's playing a hooker in the show. Howard said he thinks that's all he has to say. He asked if Jennifer has anything else to add. She said she didn't.
Howard asked if she had a good time. Jennifer said her feelings were hurt. She said that he was disapproving of her for not reading the script. Howard said she's going to go home and tell her friends that he's a skunk. Howard he said they'll never get Meg in there now. Howard asked the publicist to come in but Stuttering John said she said ''I don't think so.''
Jennifer got them to bring the publicist in. She came in a short time later and said that they had a good time. Howard said he heard that she's dating Lou Diamond Phillips. Jennifer said that is true. She said he's a regular guy from Texas. Howard said that must be a wild combination. Howard said Lou had a good time on the show. Howard said they met him and his wife. He's not married now. Jennifer told Howard that they worked together and got along so they ended up going out after that. Howard asked if they did love scenes in the movie. She said they actually did. Howard said he thinks they had a good time today. He said he handled himself well. The publicist, Ushima, said it was good.
Howard told Jennifer to say hello to Lou. He wished her luck with her new show. Howard said he thinks that's it. Howard said he doesn't think she liked him. Howard said he's not sure why he has to be nice when no one is nice to him. Jennifer asked him not to talk about her after she leaves. Howard went to break a short time later.
After an edited out break Howard said that was a really weird thing. He said that Jennifer wasn't even able to keep her eyes on him. He said she was looking all over the place. Jackie said she was kind of swaying like a nut and looking around like a blind person. Howard said he was being honest and trying to interview her and he didn't think that he was being nasty. Jackie said it was very weird. He said she was all uptight but then she took her sweater off toward the end of the interview and stuck herself out there again. Howard asked Jonathan what he thought. He told Howard that a lot of actresses are odd.
Howard said when they went to break Jennifer darted out of there. He said he thought things went okay. He said he thinks she didn't like the Fartman script read. Howard said he doesn't care though. Howard said he can't figure these actresses out. Howard asked how old she is. Gary figured she's about 31 or so. Fred said he thinks that it might be closer to 40. Howard asked how he knows. Fred said you just look at her face. Gary told Fred to take it easy because he has to deal with these people. Jackie said Jennifer probably just kicked the cab driver in the head.
Gary said that Jennifer wasn't really upset in the jock lounge. He said he had to get the release. It was in her purse and her bottle of water had leaked in there so it was all wet. Jackie said she was shaking and very nervous. Her hands were shaking. Gary said he thinks that this was the publicist's idea and Jennifer was very nervous. He said she did Good Day New York but this is different. Gary said she's probably going to tell all of her friends not to do the show now. Howard said she got what she wanted out of it. Howard said the whole audience will tune in to see her big chest.
Howard said they haven't had anything like that in a while. He said it kind of made him feel good. Robin said the last time they had this it was with Gilda Radner.
In the clip Howard was reading jokes about Marion Barry. He was asking Robin the jokes and had her trying to answer. Howard spent a minute going over those jokes. Robin said that they were supposed to announce his bid to run for mayor this weekend but he had been so out of control that they weren't able to.
Howard said they say that they're not sure if he can win now. Howard said it's possible that his constituents will vote for him again though.
Robin said there's no way that he'll win again. Howard said he bets he will. Robin said that just can't happen. Howard said he's willing to bet he will win.
After an edited out break Howard came back and read some more jokes about Marion Barry. Howard didn't like some of what he was reading so he just skipped them. Robin got into some news after that. Howard had some more jokes about Barry that he read during the news.
Howard asked Gary what he paid for his apartment. Gary said it was over 100. Howard laughed. Howard said he knows that those guys are going to be sitting out on the street with their tank tops and outfits. Gary said the real war is going on over on Amsterdam Avenue.
Howard said the yuppies think it's going to be worth something up there. Howard said he can't imagine buying there. Gary said that he'd be surprised how much they're worth now. Gary said real estate has gone up a lot. Howard said he doubts that it's worth that much. Gary said he looked at 1 bedrooms they were asking $180,000 for. Howard said he didn't want to bum Gary out but they're not worth that money.
Gary said he's been there a year and a half and he's never been mugged. Howard goofed on him about the Bodegas and the weird door men that are in those buildings there.
Gary said that his place always reeks of re-fried beans. Howard asked where he got the confidence to buy an apartment. Gary said that he has a job so he thinks he's alright. Howard said he's going to quit in a year. He said he should save his money. Howard said he and Robin are moving to Port St. Lucie, Florida. Howard said maybe Gary will luck out and get the guy who won the lottery in Nigeria.
Howard and Gary spent a few minutes talking about the apartment thing. Howard wondered what he's going to do with Gary. He said if he has a son that ends up being like him he's going to kill himself. Howard said Gary is getting a little apartment in a bad location. He said he's not following the real estate motto ''Location, location, location.'' Gary said he thinks that he's going to be fine and he's getting in at a good time. They wrapped up a short time later.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 11:35am.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 10:25am.